The Joe Rogan Experience - #140 - Brendon Walsh (Part 4)

Episode Date: September 22, 2011

Joe sits down with Brendon Walsh.

through me doing stand-up. Gene Simmons came to see me do stand-up at New Year's in LA. And his son listened to one of my CDs and liked it, so he dragged the whole family out. Oh, wow. I've never been starstruck before at a show

where I was like, I feel weird. I'm about to go on stage. I'm about to go on stage. It wasn't a normal show. It just couldn't be a normal show. It was just too weird to me. Yeah.

When I was a little kid, like a little seven or eight years old, or whatever the fuck I was, I guess I was probably like yeah when i was a little kid like a little like seven or eight years old whatever the fuck i was i guess i was probably like 11 when when when kiss was big um i remember like thinking they were the greatest thing in the history of the world you know like this is the greatest band of all time like i was a huge huge kiss fan so to like to be standing there as a grown man and he's a grown man, and we're at my show, I'm like, that's just too fucking weird. This is too much for me.

I had to address it. I shifted my whole act around. Can't do that whole Gene Simmons punk. I have some music thing. No, Gene Simmons Chuck. Luckily, I didn't, right? as Chuck. Luckily I didn't, right?

There are some people, there are like some young girls who would be more starstruck by Gene Simmons' son if she saw the two of them walking down the street or some young kids in general. Well, he's a reality star. He's a handsome devil. Very tall. The whole family's very tall.

When they were hugging me, I felt like their child. Were the cameras following them around for the reality show no it was legit it's just a regular show did you know there's an abandoned zoo in la in griffith park and abandoned zoo yeah it closed in the 1960s when that was the first zoo in los angeles uh they closed it down because it was so fucking small and so they raised money for the current zoo and so that it uh they closed it down because it was so fucking small and so they raised money for the current zoo and so that it was like a mile down the street and so now i found out the other day that you can actually go to this zoo it's still there and they can walk through it

yeah they filmed the movie anchorman there's a scene in it from that movie so anyways you go through like this weird trail and you go through this parking lot and then you end up in this zoo and it looks like you know like this is where the tigers were this is where the elephants were and then there's like all these cages where there used to be like gorillas and stuff like that and what's so cool it's fucking creepily like like it's been grown over like there's plants and stuff like that and half of the shit's like still standing other half is like crumbling uh but people hang out there and like like like bring blankets and there was like like was people playing the doors in one of the cells. So you're just walking down and you hear Jim Morrison just kind of echoing throughout.

This sounds a little fantastical. I mean, I live really close to there. And it's not that weird. It's just a field. Right when you drive in off Riverside there, it's just up past like the merry-go-round thing. And there's a big field and then some old cages. Yeah, you're freaking me out, man. I don't know about these doors parties.

And then we walk. And there's a man who works there. Did you go to the old house? And he talked to us. And he told us where to go. And it turns out he's been dead for five years. See, we climbed through like where the animals walk up and down or through the back you know and there was like people graffiti artists like really awesome like

oh you saw this yeah oh okay and behind the behind the gate there was like you know like a big drawing of like a gorilla face screaming behind this imagine if somebody just clubbed you over the head and the next thing you know there was a dick in your ass. Yeah, I know. Imagine. I know. Oh, that was in the dream, too. What I thought was the creepiest, though, it was mostly women and girls just hanging out there. What was going on?

Smoking weed and stuff like that. So it's a hangout. People hang out there. Yeah, it's like a park almost. But it was at night? No, during the day. So it's a former zoo that you could walk through. Yeah. Anybody can walk through.

Yeah, and it closed in the 60s. And then you can really explore. There's a lot of trails. You can find old things that you can't. It would be really cool to see the blueprint and like, oh, all right, this is where this used to be. Because it's like a ghost town. It's creepy as fuck. I thought I saw most of it, but it sounds what you're saying is, yeah.

I was working for a private investigator once, and I used to have to do a lot of driving for him. And we were out in the middle of fucking nowhere, like way, way far away. And I was driving back home, and I was bored. And I don't remember the town, but it was a town in the middle of fucking nowhere. And I saw a sign that said the zoo

for whatever the fuck this town was. I mean, I'm in the middle of nowhere. So I pull in. I go, okay, let's see I'm in the middle of nowhere. So I pull in. I go, okay, let's see what this fucking zoo is all about. So I go there. There's a tiger that is in like a swimming pool. I mean, this fucking thing has nowhere to move. And it keeps pacing back and forth and back and forth.

And that's as far as I got. I got to that thing. And I was just so freaked out by the obvious madness that i was seeing that they had taken some animal and put it in what is really like a swimming pool and this fucking thing is just going back and forth and back and forth and there's no room for him oh so like a swimming pool on its side like this i mean when i say a swimming pool it's like the size of a swimming pool and it's cement i mean it's just this weird fucking thing that this poor creature is stuck in and he's pacing back and forth and i'm watching him like this is madness like there's some like really tiny ass zoos in some places oh man poor little fucking

animals are just you know even if you go to a nice zoo though does that not ever freak you out i i can't i don't like that feeling of looking at these. I mean, it's cool that we can see them all. I mean, it's educational. I was spoiled. I grew up by one of the best zoos, and probably some people consider the whole country or whatever, the Columbus Zoo, where Jack Hanna's from and all that stuff. So our zoo was a little bit cooler. They had, because it's Ohio, they had farmland zoo, you know, where it was just like this elephant was in like its own like woods.

Like it was like it didn't look like a cage. It was just, you know, big, huge exhibit. Do you think it bothers them? OK, if it gets big enough, then it's OK. Is that the justification? I think like, do you know, do you know that you're on, you know, where you're at right now? You know, if you grew up on an island like Hawaii or something like that, I mean, that's way bigger, but elephants, they just want a big thing of grass.

I don't think they care to go hiking. Are you saying that elephants are in Hawaii? I'm so confused. Where the fuck did Hawaii figure into your equation? I'm talking about if animals have enough space, if they have football fields. I agree. I went to the San Diego. Yeah, San Diego Wild Animal Park is pretty dope. enough space if they have like you know football fields i agree i went to the san diego yeah san

diego wild animal park is pretty dope and like the one animals that definitely seem happy are the giraffes they're just kind of like chilling and eating and wandering around and there's like no one there to jack them you know which is if you're like a gazelle or an antelope or a fucking giraffe or anything you're always thinking something's going to jack you eventually. You ever see the videos of them taking down giraffes, of lions taking down giraffes? There's a bunch of them online. It is crazy, man. It's crazy. One of them, there's a lion and two lionesses, and they take down this giraffe in the middle

of a street. And these people are filming this from their fucking car. They're inside their car. And they're filming it through the windshield. And this fucking lion takes down this giraffe right in front of them. It's wild, dude. It's so fucking primal. You're right there.

And this thing is just, whoo. That shirt is so badass. Yeah, I got a Burt Kreischer t-shirt on. Does he sell those? I think so That is fucking beautiful It says I am the machine If you don't know Berg Kreischer has a fucking hilarious story

That he told on this podcast Which is an amazing story of him in Russia And it's so funny Somebody animated that one right? If I remember correctly it's like in the hundreds of thousands now Yeah it's fucking hilarious I'll find it later and I'll tweet it tonight but uh you know burke kreischer he's been on the podcast a bunch of times and he's one of the funniest guys a crazy story i heard it he did

it at the improv he's so funny man he's such a fun guy to be around man yeah i didn't realize his like history i mean i just you know he's just the guy that i met around doing comedy but i didn't know that he he was like like the king of college partiers yeah like van wilder yeah van wilder was like such a nice god yeah it's so weird it's like he's a he's a partier yeah but like he doesn't have a fucking mean boner no no and he hangs out with his fans like like that one guy that monkey todd did that awesome nancy grace video by the way did you see that Nancy Grace video? It was beautiful. Dude called up Nancy Grace and asked Nancy Grace, you know, what is it, who you want to marry, fuck, or kill?

Right, yeah, yeah. And he asked her, you know, would you rather want to marry, kill, or fuck Red Band, Sam Tripoli, or Jason Tebow? And he says it's on TMZ, live. Really? And Nancy Grace is just sitting there like, you kind of look like she was going to smile, but then you become angry. And then Monkey Todd goes, and would you dry hump Sam Tripoli?

And then Harvey, the TMZ host, this was their first serious interview I heard. They were really like, wow, this is the first time we have a serious interview. Harvey was like, is this serious? Really? It's uncomfortable to watch that video. Don't you think? No.

She's a nonsense person. Dead babies in Florida. That's what keeps her in office. She was that big? I didn't know she was that big. Fretting about dead babies in Florida allows you a lot of freedom to eat Cheetos

and stuff your face with ringdings. The dead babies! It doesn't seem possible. Is this ringding if I don't eat this ringding? Is this baby in Florida going to be alive now? I don't think so. She just eats it. It's hard to stay slim

when there's so many dead babies. She has babies. She has twin babies, which doesn't seem right. She doesn't seem like childbearing. No. Yeah. She's like a monster. It seems like that should be

physically impossible. Yeah. Her eggs should be just fucking fighting to the death in there. I question it. I wonder. Her eggs should look like a gladiator scene.

Yeah. Ah! Just fighting each other. Can you imagine she just had the best pussy ever Just juicy No way Just like a fist

Yeah Imagine Just like it's jerking you off With her vagina muscles Have you seen that Russian bitch online That can carry like 30 pounds with her pussy What? With piercings

I don't know how it works She doesn't really show the gash But she's got like videos On how to like control your pussy muscles So that you can can pick up weight. She would just fucking crush your dick. Just get it in there. Maybe it would be too tight.

Maybe it would be uncomfortable. Like a wrestling match with your dick. Yeah. You know like dogs? Like dogs, when they fuck, they've got a real problem. Because dogs have a bone. And that bone gets locked in there like a fish hook. And sometimes they get stuck.

And it's fucking painful. Cats do that. Yipes uh dicks yeah if you ever see a cat dick it's jagged what are you doing jerking off cats son well why'd you see a cat but that's why if you hear cats that's why if you ever hear cats fucking they're screaming oh wow so it's it's painful it's painful for the female cat that's nuts. You should Google cat penis right now. You'll be shocked. It looks like a... I've been tricked before, but not that easily, Brian. Not that easily.

Cat penis. Cat penis. Seriously? Look at it. I guess I need to know. Everybody knows what a dog dick looks like, but very few people know. Yeah. I've never seen my cat's penis.

No. You've never seen it? No. You didn't go take a look? Okay. I see little barbie looking things cat penis spines they are called my goodness he's telling the truth this is horrific nature is so ruthless you know what it is that's to ensure that the the the male stays in there

and shoots his load this is horrendous nature's so goddamn vicious what a vicious fucking animal nature is. Well, if girl cats would just loosen up a little bit, they wouldn't need their Barbie penis to, you know? That's a wild world we're living in. The world of the cats, you know? Big cats like jaguars or little baby cats out there killing mice. It's just the same thing.

It's a wild world of fucking moving and killing things smaller than you. We can't even understand what it must be like to try to get some cat pussy. Could you imagine? Could you imagine? This bitch is in agony. She wants to fuck so bad she's in agony, but she knows you're going to rip her insides up with that needly dick. Yeah.

Yeah. She's like, what? And she wants you to just fuck me with no needles. She's like, wait, but the needles are part of the package. And they just circle each other. That could be a good, like, let's write that script. Cat man, but he just has a Barbie penis. Well, that's why dude cats, you know what they like?

They like those fluffy cats that just give up. You know, like, what are those called? What is yours called? Persians. Persians. Persians just give up. They're just little slutty cats. They just relax and just take it.

That's why I like a big tomcat with a Persian cat around the house so he can just fuck at random. She's not going to fight back much. She's going to barely fight back. She can't fuck with him. Big black street cat. It's like the Kardashians. They're Persian, aren't they? No. No, they're Armenian.

Did you make a joke about Armenians somewhere on Twitter recently? No, I don't think so. Have you ever worn a long-sleeved shirt? Oh, no, Jen Kirkman tweeted something. Yeah, she tweeted something about, what, is it an Armenian holiday today or something? I don't know, is it?

She said something. I called it. She said she wasn't going to make any sarcastic tweets about the kardashians in honor of some armenian day and i called her an ass kisser that was the whole i didn't say anything negative about armenians i know you would never do that right i would never say anything negative about a group of people that proud armenians they they love being armenian you know there's not a lot of ar that proud. Armenians, they love being Armenian. There's not a lot of Armenians who are like, fuck, I wish I wasn't Armenian. They love being Armenians. They're proud people.

Cairo Parisian, dude who used to fight in the UFC. He's fucking, what a personality that guy has. He's hilarious. I got this thing that we were having lunch. I got to ask him if I can put this video out. It's a video of him joking around about his nickname was The Heat. And joking around about giving girls the heat and telling them, what are you doing? You're taking the heat.

The heat. Take the heat. He's like yelling about it. He's like, he's so Armenian. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's so fucking hilarious. You know those really aggressive, funny Armenian type guys?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know a ton of them. I've only lived out here for a few years. They're like extreme Italians. A few years. Yeah. Italians but extreme. Yeah, exactly. I actually had Armenians hook me up at the tire center the other day, which was the most weirdest thing. There were six Armenians. They all came out,

circled around the car, and were like, hey, how's it going? Oh, you got two nails in your tires. We'll change them and patch them. And he goes, you know what? it's on us and i'm like what really dude that's awesome you always hear bad things about i know people russian people and armenian people and you know people from you know what we consider like hard places you know yeah i've i've made a lot of great i mean yeah armenian people have a lot of passion you know there's a there's a there's something about real ethnic groups you know a real group like the Armenians. They stick to their culture.

And when I was growing up, I always thought culture was kind of bullshit. Like, who gives a fuck? Does it really matter if you behave exactly the way everybody else behaves? But when you see a really tight-knit ethnic community, and you appreciate not that they're racist or biased against anybody else, but that they have this real distinct flavor to them you know the way they behave you know the the things they like you know they have this real distinct let's real uniqueness to it that makes it interesting it's one of the interesting things about life you know one of the things i was thinking about when i was in new orleans this weekend i was like this is a completely different way to live your life like here there's these people

that are living this is a totally different flavor a very unique flavor of its own you know it all was like a race you know like new orleans people are almost like it's from another country but i think that you know when when people get assimilated it's theilated, the perfect thing is to have everybody be cool with everybody and there's no people who are prejudiced against any particular group because we're all some sort of weird shade of gray now. We've all interbred to the point where there's no distinctiveness between, no way of distinguishing us between anybody else. We're all just one sort of individual type of thing. But along the way, man, we're going to lose a lot of type of thing but along the way man we're gonna lose a lot of fun you know there's a lot of fun in people being weird yeah there's a lot of fun and you know armenian dudes are like wearing gold chains and trying to get some pussy those guys are

awesome man yeah those guys are fucking but are they what about the kardashians though are armenians i believe they are yeah are they no but is like, if you make fun of the Kardashians, like, is an Armenian guy going to punch me in the face? I don't think they claim them. I don't think the Armenians claim them. Because it seems like she's trying to be a white girl. It's different. Think Armenian women.

I don't want to speak for Armenian women, so I'm going to say. Well, listen, they have to look. Forget about whatever the fuck. Is she worthwhile? Is she worth anything? What's the point? We're talking about her. She's entertaining.

Just as like Max and Ruby is a cartoon that my kids love. It's this little rabbit show. It's a fucking show. It's entertaining. Maybe not to you. I've never heard of it. I don't have kids. To someone, this Kardashian show is fucking awesome.

All right? Oh, I guess so i guess that person they deserve it as ridiculous as ridiculous as it is so uh i don't know i don't know if the armenians claim her but they should you see that she's a badass bitch when it comes to like being like good at that you know you got to recognize paris hilton yeah kind of well she took the paris hilton thing to some completely new level to the point where every time I'm at the airport, I'm throwing my fucking sneakers into a bin.

I'm looking at her face. There's like ads where it's her and a couple other famous people. And I'm like, wow, this girl started off in a fucking porno movie. And now I'm putting my change on her face. It's so strange. But you got to, I love it. I love the madness of it. I love how ridiculous it is.

I've gotten to the point where I love Rick Perry. I see him talk and I know he's a stuttering fuck. I know he's just like Bush. I know he's going to do the exact same shit, maybe even weirder. You know, maybe even weirder. He reminds me of Josh Brolin playing W in the movie. That's what he reminds me of. And I look at him, but I like it.

I like that he's there. I'm enjoying that he's there. I mean, yeah, but then it's just like so. I don't know what it is. Just giving up on everything. I mean, I'm kind of in the same boat where it's like, all right. I mean, I can either be walking around like furious out of my mind all the time or just like don't really pay attention to it and enjoy the absurdity of it all is like watching mitt romney yeah and rick perry like i

just saw on the news i don't know what they were like debating each other and it's like who's crazier who believes in crazier shit the same dude the same dude. That's from an 80s movie. They're like politicians. They're like the archetype bad politician guy from an 80s movie or something. It's just like this robot dude. They're both exactly the same. And that's your choice. We're getting a real clear message.

A real clear message with politics over the last decade or so it's that what you're seeing on television the people that are talking that's the guy who got that spot that's all that is and that guy is insult he's he's instructed he's pushed into a certain direction by all the people who got him to that position it It's so clear. It's so obvious. There can be no denying it. When you look at it now, to take it seriously, as in to take it to think that there's really some sort of a big vote going on and we're going to change the way the

whole thing works. Hey, I hear they're going to throw out the Federal Reserve. Really? It's going to go back to the only living by the Constitution. We're going to cut the number of laws back dramatically. We're going to let people have states' rights again. Yeah. We're going to get rid number of laws back dramatically. We're going to let people have states' rights again. Yeah, we're going to get rid of all these... How long would that last?

Oh, yeah. They would kill that guy. They would kill that guy in a heartbeat. Oh, yeah, of course. We all agree to that, right? Just the guy saying, like, no, I don't think I can sign that bill called the Clean Air Act that actually lets you pollute more. Well, people tell you, well, that's ridiculous. You're being cynical. This is a terrible message to send out.

You haven't really researched this enough to be absolutely accurate, and yet you're saying this damaging thing that voting doesn't change anything, and you're sending a terrible message to people. But at what point in time are you allowed to be objective? At what point in time do you look at a guy like Obama who acts like a Republican

and does all this creepy shit that if GW was doing it, liberals would be fucking calling in to newspapers every day and protesting every day. He's doing shit that's just like the stuff that Bush did. And yet somehow or another, yeah, absolutely. Somehow or another, liberals aren't even saying anything about it. It's so bizarrely creepy and so bizarrely weird, just like windows versus pc

it's like the same sort of retard battle going on it's the same sort of weird control over some fucking boat that doesn't even have a steering wheel it's like one day you break into the fucking main cabin all right we finally got to the head of the boat there's no steering wheel there's nothing there's no instruments it's smooth as glass, you can't affect this fucking thing at all, you could spend your whole life chipping away at this insanely corrupt system, good luck look at when you see anybody that challenges

any of the mainstream ideas that we've come to accept look at a guy like Ron Paul, they duck that fucking guy every chance they get I've seen polls where they ignore the number one guy and focus on the two and three. The real battle between Rick Perry and

Mitt Romney. And they were literally ignoring that Ron Paul was winning things. Just ignoring him. Just not even talking about him. Because he's just telling them they're doing everything wrong. We're doing everything wrong. And the people are going, yes! And the TV people are going, oh, no, no.

When Howard Dean said, yeah! And Mike just fucking. But is that really fucking up? He fucked up. He fucked up. He fucked up. I think they set him up, too. They didn't have to.

I mean, it was manipulated. They took that footage and really twisted it into something. Well, I remember it was morning mattress material. There was a show that I always think of when I think of morning shows. Charles Laquadera, The Mattress in the Morning in Boston. Oh, okay.

They would play something along these lines. You know that every fucking single Wacky Morning Zoo radio station played it. He had that crazy yell that he yelled out. It became a joke it became a national joke in a matter of days you remember it right howard dean did a campaign speech and he's like and then we're gonna go to new hampshire and all they did was take that yeah they're like no fucking way dude you can't ever yell like that and be president they took it from like his

body mike when he was yelling to a couple thousand people. Granted, but could you imagine if Obama ever yad like that? Well, ever since Howard Dean did that, you're not allowed to show any emotion anymore. I mean, they have playbooks now where they're like, no, don't show any emotion. Just put the, this is still in when you make your fist, like, put your thumb out a little. Isn't it amazing? And don't ever answer a fucking question. No matter what you do,

never fucking give a direct, definitive answer. And once people decide that Howard Dean is done, Howard Dean is done. Yeah. He just pushed to the side. Like, he was the front runner.

Yeah. He was the number one guy. He was the surgeon from Vermont. Like, you know. Brilliant man. You know? Brilliant man.

Great speaker. Got a little emotional. Good morals. Yeah. Get from Vermont. Brilliant man. You know? Brilliant man. Great speaker. Got a little emotional. Good morals. Get the fuck out of here. You know, I kind of like him even more now because he's so uncensored when he talks about things. And Vermont's a very interesting place, too. He's from Vermont.

It's amazing. It's like, it's really northern and rural, but it's really smart. Have you ever done a gig there? Yeah. I've done a gig in Burlington when I was living in Boston boston i did uh a weekend there once it was great man i was like wow what a crazy and they were like winners are tough though yeah everybody said i have a friend who lives in brattleboro yeah and uh yeah winners are i wouldn't want to be there in the winter it's there's the certain quality of your life that you sacrifice when you you know you you live in

some place that's brutally cold well it's the way it's it's so rural that you have everybody's got like a 45 foot kind of dirt driveway thing and then when it snows and freezes it's like yeah you can't drive my truck down there yeah fucking slide into a tree well up in big bear a lot of people drive around with fucking chains on yeah yeah i think well yeah you can do that i think you're required in certain areas at least you used to be you know i know they make like studded snow tires and shit so fucking chains on. Yeah. I think you're required. I think you're required in certain areas. At least you used to be. You know, I know they make like

studded snow tires and shit so you can deal with that. Like a lot of people in Colorado, they had that. No, chains are required, yeah. But a place like Vermont, it's fucking cold

for a good five or six months. It's really cold. Yeah. Fuck, it's fucking beautiful up there though, man. It's one of the few places that's like,

hasn't been fucked with. You know, because there's up there, though, man. It's one of the few places that hasn't been fucked with. Because it's a fairly small population, and it's got an incredible amount of wildlife, an incredible amount of woods, and just beautiful nature shit to look at. When you're driving, you drive up to Burlington, you're like, God, look how beautiful it is up here. Yeah. Just clear air and not that many people.

And it's almost... No outdoor advertising in Vermont, too. No billboards, no outdoor advertising. You can't advertise outdoors? Mm-mm. Wow. Yeah, they're real hippie.

That's where Ben & Jerry comes from. Yeah. You know, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream? They came from Vermont. They're real super hippie up there. Are they up there still? Yeah, you can actually go to the factory. And do the dudes live up there too?

Or do they fucking fake it and they're in Miami? Getting their dicks sucked. What? I don't know. They're balling. Sucking each other's dick. Can you imagine if they just became super rich and then just became ballers, but then they have to put on the fucking Birkenstocks for their ad campaigns?

They just want to be out there doing blow. That's a funny idea. That'd be a funny sketch for Mad TV. Fake hippies. Like fake Ben and Jerry. Those guys, when they get big, they're like P. Diddy and fucking just totally shift gears. Or Ben and Jerry's becomes like McDonald's where a different guy plays it in every store. Hey, I'm Ben.

I'm Jerry. We started off this company. You have a fucking Ben and Jerry's show that goes on before the actual ice cream gets served. I'm Ben and he's Jerry. Are you sure? I thought I was Jerry. How the fuck did that McDonald's thing happen? Remember when there's real clowns dressing up as McDonald's and you can go to McDonald's

certain days and Ronald McDonald would be there and you're like, holy shit. There's a guy, Ronald McDonald's going to be at this and people get excited about it how ruthless is mcdonald they still do that i had a roommate who was a clown he didn't even do ronald mcdonald shit appearances amazing man what a tricky way to rope kids in and eat your fucking food you know i was just to think that about you know when you think about the most delicious cereal it's all the worst shit for you and it's all the ones with the big, attractive cartoon faces on it. It literally is designed to get little kids to go, ooh, look! It speaks to them.

A cereal called Cookie Crisp? That's not going to be appealing to a kid. Well, you could have a cereal box that was all white that said, Captain Crunch peanut butter. And you would look at it and go, fuck yeah. You could be completely white with like black letter. But to a kid, that's going to be completely unattractive. Right. Because they can't fucking read.

They're getting them before they even can read. Yeah. All the little kid has to see that and go, I want this. I want this. Like my three-year-old can't read, but she looks at Captain Crunch and it looks fun. Yeah. You know, you look at Fruity Pebbles, it looks fun. Dude, what's a... They with the Boo-Berry?

They still make Boo-Berry and all that? Yeah, I saw it yesterday. Cap Chocula? Did you know Boo-Berry in Ohio, there was no such thing as Boo-Berry. They had only the strawberry and the chocolate. But then I would go on vacation in Florida. What was the Frankenstein thing? Frankenberry.

Frankenberry and, okay. Did you feel left out? Did you feel like you were discriminated against? I would go to Florida on vacation and buy boxes of it as a kid. Load up a U-Haul with Boo-Berry. Yeah, my mom would be like, Mom, please. This is my favorite cereal. So she would spend like $30 and buy as much Boo-Berry for $30.

Did you feel discriminated against? It was rude. There's no reason for that. Boo-Berry is the best one, and you don't sell it in certain markets. I don't think I've ever had Boo-Berry. Oh, it's great. Or the strawberry one. Go to CVS, they sell it.

My folks wouldn't buy us the sugary stuff. I mean, I've had it as an adult. Good for them. Good for them. My parents bought it very sparingly. They let us have it

like every now and then. You'd like pick a favorite. You know, be able to just eat this stupid shit. They would indulge us. They would also let us like eat TV dinners.

We wanted to eat TV dinners for some stupid reason. They're disgusting. But for whatever reason, the Salisbury steak, I was like, oh, I want to eat a TV dinner. I wanted to eat the dumbest shit. So they would let me every now and then. But for the most part, they wanted me to eat healthy.

So I didn't get to eat too many of those. But when I could, when I got a chance, man, oh, my God. Well, like what we were talking about earlier. Once you tell people they can't do shit, then it's on. It's like, really? I want some of that. Yeah, imagine if you grew up a vegan you would just like hunger for chicken livers and yeah hearts and meat and legs of lamb yeah you smell it in restaurants and now you can never have it milk yeah no shit

you're just getting seeds here eat these seeds they have a full full spectrum of albopoic acids. It's all vital nutrients. Eat these seeds. You can get everything in just the seeds. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Could you ever go vegan? I'd give it a shot. I mean, I wouldn't have any...

I mean, just for kind of like to see how it makes me feel and like to kind of clean out. Like, you know, just eating kind of raw. I would do like raw diet or... I don't know much about it, but I'd try like... I think, yeah, I could go vegan. Not fish. I like fish too much.

I like eggs too. I could try vegetarian for a little while. Cheese, I like. I think there's some merit to vegetarian. I think it definitely probably changes your personality too i think it's been uh at least with anecdotal evidence proven that people who eat meat are more aggressive than people who are vegetarians kind of makes sense if you think about just the the nature aspect of it even though we're not

going out and getting the stuff even though we're not killing it ourselves that makes sense we're still eating it you know we're still getting it you're eating flesh so the attitude that you must have like the cultivating your body if you're a flesh eater a constant flesh eater it's got to be a more predatory attitude it just makes sense yeah i mean i don't know how the real probably just keeps something triggered in your body of like you know i'm totally guessing here totally talking out of my ass because obviously i don't know how the real... Or it probably just keeps something triggered in your body of like, you know... I'm totally guessing here. Totally talking out of my ass. Because obviously I don't know how the real reward system works with like eating meat and getting aggressive. But we all associate like steak with aggression.

It's like a natural association. You know, fucking what's a man's meal? Yeah. Right? Makes sense to me. Sold. Yeah. I'm doing no further research.

I'm going to repeat what you said as fact to me. Sold. Yeah. I'm doing no further research. I'm going to repeat what you said as fact to other people now. I think if we all ate shit that was like grass-fed, if we all ate just grass-fed beef, there would be way less of it, but it'd be way better for you. And people would probably enjoy it more. But there's certainly, at this point, I think there's just too many goddamn people and not enough food to live like that. That scares me, man. It's terrifying. I mean, there are a lot of... We would have to have monstrous, monstrous farms to compete with some of these crazy chicken farms where they fucking grow them all stuffed together.

That freaks everybody out when you watch those chicken videos. But if they weren't like that, how much much farm acreage would it cost how much more would it cost is is it at a point where we need cheap food so much that they have to do shit like this because that's fucked up and i'm not insinuating that they are i'm just raising the question that is fucked up if that's the case it's like we need to do like the factory farming thing because there's fucking way too many of us and they're just sending chickens out the moment they shit them out they're fucking pumping them up with hormones because they gotta get them big quick so they can ship them out to the 300 million motherfuckers and out of those 300 million how many are farmers how many out of 300 million people are farmers

is it even a million no it's not one 300. One in 300 people isn't a farmer. Do you think there's a million farmers in this country? Is there a million? Yeah, I'd probably say there's different kinds of farmers. I don't know, man. A million? Either way. Maybe.

I mean, there are states like Kansas. Let's look at it. Obviously, folks, for you Googling right now, looking back, these fucking guys are so off with their numbers. How can I say that? All I'm trying to say is, could you imagine if that was the case? If it was one in every 300, could you imagine if one person had to take care of 300 fucking people? Yeah.

That's ridiculous. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I would just eat a lot of water. It should be like... You imagine one person, you had to feed 300 people. That's true, one person on your farm.

One person feeds 300 people. What the fuck? That would be so hard. No, you'd have to do it by yourself. You couldn't employ anybody because we have 300 million people. In order for our numbers to work, you can't employ anyone

because it's one out of 300. And we're being super generous. We're saying there's 1 million farmers. So that's where it gets fucking loony tunes man obviously it doesn't work like that they have a hundred people they do the work of 5 000 individuals or more you know i know obviously it doesn't work like that but it almost seems like at this point the the resources versus population is in a weird place yeah where where we need an incredible amount of food. And we all sort of take for granted that it's out there. You know, like who's providing all of this?

You know, it's a lot of fucking food. And if the three of us went out right now and had like two hours to just buy as much food as possible, we could each buy so much fucking food. Yeah, instantly. It's amazing. like just fast food like if we had like an hour to buy as unlimited fat like we could buy probably i mean a van full more yeah 250 cheeseburgers a piece it's just to me staggering the way we have grown from being hunter-gatherers to people who lived in small villages to cities where we have to get the stuff sent in every day in trucks. Just more meat for the wheel over and over again. Trucks and trucks of meat are just pumping into the city all day long. And it's really only been going on for a few hundred years.

That's nuts, man. That's amazing. It's almost like there's a living machine called civilization, and its blood is animals. I mean, not even a few hundred, really. It's pumped alive by blood. The blood in the trucks, it's almost like individual blood cells, but it's not.

It's on a much larger scale it's like yeah just meat delivery devices yeah that's what keep those these are the the meat delivery devices to the city that keeps it moving at this insane pace yeah where you can fit seven million people on one square floating place and have them stacked on top of each other and just keep sending them meat. I saw that movie Contagion yesterday. Did it freak you out? It was good.

It didn't really freak me out. I don't think it sucked. I heard a lot of people say it sucked. I liked it. But tell me if this is right. Does Tokyo have 36 million people? Something crazy like that. That blew my fucking mind because

they were talking you know like as the thing i mean everybody knows it enough that it's about a disease it spreads and they would show like you know new york population whatever eight million whatever lives in new york california or los angeles population this and then they will go to tokyo and it's at 36.4 million and i was like that's incredible that's like five times i think that's like the goldfish rule like the bigger the bowl the bigger the fish and that's why asians for the most part seem you know a little bit smaller built and that's interesting you know that's very interesting brian that's a uh an interesting physiological theory one that you know people would consider it's funny if you judge any group like that, say a lot of Asians are small,

all of a sudden you're tipping on the verge of the swimming pool filled with racism. Like right there, what are you saying? Are you saying Asians are small? But there are actual statistics you can look at, like the average height and weight of them, and like they are. But still, it's a weird thing.

If you make an observation, there's always the danger of being called a racist yeah even a little observation it's not it's not at all i dated a girl from japan and she took me on a picnic at a dog park that's racist yes that is racist because i don't think japanese people even eat dogs no but that's racist to think that they did. That joke's offensive on so many levels. That joke sucks. That joke's illogical. It makes people go,

people don't eat dogs in Japan. That's what they do. They don't laugh. You would get a whole audience filled with people going, people don't eat dogs in Japan. That would be the sound in the audience. People don't eat dogs in Japan. That's more racist. Yeah, but that would be acceptable in the Midwest. Yeah, they eat dogs in Japan. That's more racist than they think. Nobody eats dogs in Japan. Yeah, but that would be acceptable in the Midwest.

Yeah, they eat dogs in Japan. I know they do. It does make sense what you said, because in other animals, that is definitely the truth. These guys that I know told me that they could get me some baby crocodiles. I had a giant fish tank, and I was looking for some exotic shit to put in my... I had piranhas for a little while. Oh, man. I got bored with them, and I wanted to get some crocodiles.

That seems like such a bad idea. It's a terrible idea. Crocodiles to eat the piranhas? But this is what I was saying. I was saying, okay, well, how big are these motherfuckers going to get? Why would I have crocodiles? Because we can get you crocodiles. Oh, yeah.

I go, you can get me crocodiles. I go, how big are these crocodiles going to get? He goes, oh, you don't have to worry about it. I go, what do you mean? He goes, as long as the tank is small, they won't get big. I go, what? Really? What?

No way. What? Yes, yes, yes yes yes he said how big's your tank it was like i don't remember how big it was but it was about nine feet long it was a really big fish tank and he said uh maybe i'm exaggerating seven feet long oh that was a really big fish tank it was big it was very big um he said they'll never get more than a few inches yeah my uh Did you get them? No. No. I think they're super illegal. And I didn't know the dude that well. And what if he was a fucking cop? Right.

What if it was a setup? Turns out Rogan's in the... I got you some crocodiles, brother. My dad built this huge pond in his backyard. And he got one of those 100 goldfish at a pet store. Almost feeder goldfish. Shitty goldfish at a pet store, like almost feeder goldfish, you know, like shitty goldfish. Throws them in the pond. He took a couple out and put it in this other separate pond.

The fish in the gold pond are still alive. A lot of them are alive. I would probably say like 20 of them are still alive. And now they're huge. Like they're monster goldfish. The other two are normal goldfish. Right. Yeah.

That's amazing. Yeah. They almost look like koi. They almost look like koi. Well, I think koi and goldfish are pretty related's amazing yeah they almost look like they almost look like koi well i think koi and goldfish are pretty related aren't they yeah they look related shit yeah what is with kois and tattoos what's that supposed to signify the koi becomes a dragon or some shit everybody's got koi fish it's some japan thing i think some dope ass japan shit legend they they figured out tattooing they

figured out how to make like a sleeve they're the ones who first figured that shit out really to make like big big bold pieces you know like um the old days do you have a koi fish no i don't have any koi fish i do have a dragon though and a tiger and a samurai how long have you been doing that shit this one's six years old and this one's two years old. Oh, you had that all done at the same time? Yeah, this dude, Aaron De La Vadova from Guru Tattoo in San Diego. He's a fucking badass artist. And I just always enjoyed tattoos.

I always liked them. I think you're wearing some cool art on your skin. And there's a lot of people who attach a lot of weird shit to it. You don't have to do it. But to me, I take care of my body and I'm healthy and everything, but I want to decorate it the way I want to. I don't give a fuck. For some people,

it's a weird thing. It weirds them out. Tattoos weird them out. Tattoos weird people out because they're permanent. When you have tattoos, it's like, he's willing to do something permanent. But you're not right. I have some dumb tattoos what do you got i have ozzy rules tattooed on my toes do you really are you serious before ozzy came back like it was that's weird how old were you when you got that 26 i was waiting here 33 26 27 yeah and uh but it was before the osbournes and stuff like it was like yeah yeah it was me and my friend were talking about we watched you have done it or were you disappointed

once the osbournes came out were you like fuck man now it's mainstream um not really i mean it's on my toes but it definitely made the joke like not funny anymore because you used to see like ozzy written bathroom stuff i used to see ozzy rules written everywhere right right and you just didn't see it anymore and i was like ozzy still fucking rules man like we saw this interview with him on like vh1 behind the music me and my friend and they asked ozzy what the key to happiness was and ozzy said the key to happiness is appy knees and they were like what he's like appy knees the key to appiness is appy knees. And they were like, what? And he's like, appy knees.

The key to appiness is appy knees. And they're like, what are you talking about? And he stands up and pulls his pants down. And he's got smiley faces tattooed on his knees. And he goes, appy knees. Appy knees. What? I thought it was funny.

I was like, Ozzy rules, man. It is funny. It's just not funny enough to laugh. It's like funny enough to smile. I don't know, man. Ozzy was pretty. He's a pretty funny character. Yeah.

He did a lot of crazy shit. It's amazing he's still alive, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, he's one of those dudes. They're like, wow, he made it through. Yeah. And now he's like this mainstream, like, did you ever think you'd see Ozzy Osbourne doing like a fucking, I don't know. A sitcom sort of a thing with his wife and his kids on TV.

Well, there's that, but commercials, too. You see them in pretty mainstream commercials. Really? Like fucking, yeah, for like direct TV and shit. Yeah. It's weird. Or like cars, probably. I don't know.

I don't really pay attention. I think as we get older, we're more willing to take shit from crazy people that we like than we ever were before. Like, look, this Chris Brown dude who beat up that Rihanna chick, he's sort of making a comeback. Yeah, I guess. It's like all these award shows and shit, and apparently he's super of making a comeback you know it's like all these award shows and shit and apparently he's super talented yeah a great singer and there's some people that are accepting it some people not and like look at this michael vick thing michael vick killed a bunch of dogs and he's back playing it you can't tell me this is the same world that i grew up in because this is a

different world this is a different world yeah this is a stranger world you're people are getting away with more people are more forgiving because more people are fucking up and doing weird or creepier shit yeah because of the internet and stuff man the bar is going higher and higher people are doing more deviant shit so they're like well let's not be so hard on that guy because i don't know maybe i want to fucking try some of that weird shit or whatever well don't you think that people have bounced back from shit that they could have never bounced back from before? You know, sports, yeah, I think Michael Vick

is definitely something that wouldn't have happened 25 years ago. I'm shocked. But, I mean, when you're that, like, yeah, I think the morals of our entire cultures have just been eroded a little bit. Like, yeah, I don't think that would have been acceptable in the early 80s. It doesn't seem like it would. It's all so fascinating.

You have a guy that talented, too, who can, you know. But yeah, I don't think money overrode everything 25 years ago. Could you imagine if Clinton was in office today? Oh, man. Could you imagine all the Twitter messages that interns would be throwing back and forth? Because he would get busted for sure. Wake, wake him up if he was in office today. Yeah, yeah.

Think about the crazy shit that dude did. So many more avenues of him. He was always my proof. When he got his dick sucked by that chick, I was always like, god damn it. I fucking knew it. I knew it. I knew they have to be crazy to get in there. You can't really be that guy you're selling,

man. You can't. You're not going to have the kind of energy. I mean, everybody likes blowjobs, though, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody likes blowjobs, but Clinton would just whip his dick out on people. He would just get alone with girls and just whip his dick out. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody likes blowjobs, but Clinton would just whip his dick out on people. He would just get alone with girls and just whip his dick out. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he that out of control?

Oh, he was a maniac. He's a fucking savage. God bless him. Yeah, I guess. He's just one of those dudes who just couldn't help but swing. I can't help but swing. I saw the pitch. Here it comes.

He just loved it. Yeah, I mean, there were a lot of chicks doing that to him. Could you imagine if he existed during the days of today of Wienergate? Fuck yeah, he could have been set up. I bet he liked to get drunk. I bet he liked to get drunk and bang state troopers. Hot police troopers. How hot would that be?

In the back of a police car? There's a lot of girls. I don't do anything in the back of a police car. There's a lot of girls. I bet his pussy output tripled after that Monica Lew a police car? There's a lot of girls. I don't do anything in the back of a police car. There's a lot of girls. I bet his pussy output tripled after that Monica Lewinsky thing. Because there's a lot of girls that just want to let him know. Then keep their mouth shut. Listen, I know you had that problem with Monica.

But she's a little girl. And it's not me. And I'm a grown woman. And I want what I want. And what I want is you. And I don't need anything other than you in my mouth. And that's the end of it. And he'd be like, well, hell.

I don't think we've said enough. He was just dropping loads on dresses and shit. He wasn't even insisting she get rid of the evidence. Baby, this could make people in another part of the world. My DNA, we can't have that. He seemed to be a good president, though. Yeah, he was a freak, though. Stuck in fucking cigars and bitches' pussies.

That's so funny. I don't know if he was a good president, man.uck in fucking cigars and bitches' pussies. That's so funny. I don't know if he was a good president, man. I don't know. I don't know. It seemed like things weren't off the rails. Maybe when he was on the show, the writers had it written in a more happy, friendly way. I thought you were insinuating he did your podcast.

Did you imagine? What? He was on the show? No. Let's start a lobby to get him on the show. I am the president for eight years. And it was, for the most part, bright times. I think he was kind of the last good guy in there. I mean, there's only been...

Was he, though? Was he? I don't know. I don't know. Obama's probably a good guy. I don't know if any of them are good guys. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. You've got to do some fucked up shit to get that far. Yeah, I don't think you could be just some regular fucking dude with some unique ideas and get all the way to be president you have to have compromised yourself so deeply along the line and obviously i've done no research whatsoever to substantiate any of these makes

sense though this is just talking shit at uh 10 o'clock in the evening you know after being in the hot sun all day and barely able to talk um i don't know i don't believe it though do you believe it oh that like a good guy can make it this far? No. Do you think how much say do they ultimately have? You have to agree to letting unspeakable things happen on the regular. Yeah. How much say?

How much say do you think you have? Do you think you could even rewrite the script? I would like to say it a different way if that's okay with everyone else. Well, a lot of people don't believe that that's the case a lot of people believe that it was lee harvey oswald and he got lucky and then people make a big deal out of nothing yeah maybe yeah i'm maybe i mean i you know kennedy martin luther king both kennedy i mean it just seems like anybody who's kind of like steering us towards some decent change winds up with their fucking head blown off by a lone fucking crazy gunman.

Even John Lennon, dude. Like, I mean, that dude could have started a revolution. He was like the... He was a really popular guy. Isn't it just so tempting to fall into the idea of conspiracy and collusion? And it's very sexy. It's very tempting but i mean

there's no it doesn't seem like there's balance on the other side like why didn't nixon ever get shot or like i mean reagan did i guess that's uh you mean balance on the side yeah yeah you know he was one of the most rah rah wall but like i don't know it seems like you know gandhi like there's no well like dick cheney didn't never got fucking shot at because he was on Team Psycho and is it possible that the Psychos they're always going to beat the good guys yeah they target the guys who are for peace and love and change

but they went after Reagan I wonder, Reagan might have been maybe that was a random thing maybe that really wasn't planned because he didn't die or maybe they were just sending him a message. I remember that, man. It was a little shoot you in the gut.

I remember watching that on TV going, God damn, they shot that actor dude who's now the president. Somebody has a joke about him and Leslie. If he never became president, he would have the same career that Leslie Nielsen had. I forget whose fucking joke it is oh that's brilliant it's so true bedtime for bonzo did you ever see that uh i don't know i i mean i'm familiar with a monkey yeah yeah he did a couple wasn't there there's a couple bonzo movies aren't there i think so i don't know i don't know i never i've watched like five seconds of it and go what the fuck is in more than one monkey movie.

It just shouldn't be legal that if you're a person who is a professional pretender, that you go on to be the guy who tells the truth to the nation. That just seems ridiculous. Well, you're like really awesome at lying. Yeah. Well,

it was just like, I don't think now him, I don't think he made one decision the whole time. I think there were people, there was like Dick Cheney was telling him what to say. Like there was a commission of fucking assholes. And we like all right this is what we're doing yeah here's the script you're an actor act you know what i loved i loved him out through the door he's responsible for one little speech that is one of my favorite speeches of any president because he

talks about how would we respond if we were all on this earth facing a threat from another world you know how would we respond how quickly would we forget our differences I'm like damn that's brilliant it's so true it's a great speech and it makes you go what the fuck does he know well yeah he was really into the fucking Star Wars shit

like he wanted to make that you know that missile defense system start like maybe the aliens were like hey man we're to fuck with you guys soon. I don't know. Who knows what's going on with all that? Didn't George Lucas during the Star Wars thing go, hey, this is copyright infringement? Did he? Why were they allowed to call it Star Wars program?

I guess because they're not. They're not allowed to do anything they want. I don't know. They're a government. But they're not doing it for profit they want. I don't know. They're a government. But they're not doing it for, like, profit. Yeah. You know, it's a defense. You know, there's some big conspiracy theory about people who created Star Wars,

the strategic defense system Star Wars, that it was all bullshit, and that the scientists, one by one, have been killed off. Apparently, 22 different scientists who worked on it were killed in strange ways. Are you serious? Asphyxiation, suffocation, decapitation, death leap, death leap, shotgun blast, missing person, auto accident. Over and over again, all these different scientists. I don't want this knowledge.

According to the Internet. Oh. He's corroborated by more than one dude. Listen, man, that first thing. According to the internet. Oh. I don't know if it's true. It's corroborated by more than one dude. Listen, man, I did the first thing I went to on Google. Did Star Wars? I'm going to regurgitate that as fact. Just go for it, dude.

Next time I... 22. 22 SDI researchers all supposedly committed suicide. 22 out of how many? That's a good question. But 22, period. That's a lot. Let's say if there's a hundred.

If comedians started like dying like that i'd fucking skip town yeah that would be gross would be hundreds how many people you would think that would be what though if they uh if they did that if they started killing comedians yeah oh i was just saying if 22 comedians died in suspicious ways i would fucking you know that's a that's too big of a number for one but out of all the um i would get a puppet immediately out of all the scientists that were involved no i'm sorry my question was do you think there was like 300 guys like how many different guys do you think were working for this star wars company was it a thousand i mean people with like yeah i would say that even

if it's but that would be from this janitor. Could you imagine 22 kill themselves now? Yeah. Or just disappear. It becomes... As the number becomes bigger and bigger, it becomes more and more silly. You start looking at it and you go, well, if there was a million scientists, 22 killed themselves. But there's not a bunch of them.

Like, there wouldn't be that many that had like crazy... Not everybody has like crazy security levels. Like, you wouldn't have to kill everybody. Like, every guy that's screwed in a fucking light bulb. Maybe you would, though. Because maybe what was going on was so fucking obvious. You had a clean house. This is the conspiracy theorator in me.

Step back and do my Alex Jones voice. What we've got here is a situation where special ops, what they're doing is they're victimizing innocent people. That's fucking good, man. Thank you. Did you hear 100% of the scientists that created Crystal Pepsi died? Shut the fuck up.

Could you imagine if that is true? We know there's 22 scientists that died. We need to find out how many there were originally. Make a documentary. Did you hear about the collider thing? I should go to Snopes for all this. That's what I should do.

The guy that says he's from the future that was arrested at the collider last week. What? Yeah, some guy was arrested at the, what's it called? The hydrogen? Large Hadron Collider. Yeah, he was arrested because I don't know what he was doing, but he said he was from the future. Oh, what a dummy. Oh, that's funny.

Was he just crazy or was he from the future? I don't know. I just saw a headline. What a goofy fuck. That's a funny idea, show up there in a silver suit. Yeah. You just have to ask him a few more questions and it'll be pretty clear. Oh, you come from the future.

Okay. Want to elaborate? There was one guy who had a website there was a fuck i forget the um the scam to titor somewhere i think they were calling themselves something titor from the future and they had this whole john titor t-i-t-o-r and some whole thing about how he described how the civilization was going to fall apart. And he had come from the future to write. Get the fuck out of here, man. Just stop. John Titor?

Yeah. Whatever it is. It's just you really think that someone came from the fucking future and came back to the past. You really think that it's just that's what time travel is going to be like? Yeah, it was Nicolas Cage. You see that shit now? They're saying that Nicolas Cage is a time traveler because there's a photo or something of Nicolas Cage. No, John Cusack, bro.

Huh? No, they have Nicolas Cage. They have John Cusack because he never looks any older. Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. No, not even John Cusack. The other dude from The Matrix. Keanu Reeves.

Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves. They have him in the time machine. They're always saying that he's a vampire because he never gets old. Yeah, he's a beautiful man. He's like 50. Johnny Depp's holding up okay, isn't he? He's holding up pretty goddamn good.

It's not like they both have kind of Indian blood. You know what that's from? Fresh pussy. Like vampires. Like vampires. The pussy that's constantly swan diving under their cock every time they poke it out the house for some air.

Put it through their mail slot. Nicolas Cage might be a vampire. Or so one believer says. Oh, there's a photo from an old ass photo that looks like Nicolas Cage. Yeah, it's creepy.

Wow, that's pretty dope. Oh, I was removed. He's in a movie called Vampire's Kiss that's pretty funny. He's the ghost rider, bro. Did you see Ghost Rider? Never saw that.

Was that good? No, it's terrible. But it's good if you're high and you know it's terrible. If you're ready for a terrible fucking ghost motorcycle superhero movie, yeah. You have little girls, right? Yeah. Did you ever watch The Tooth Fairy with The Rock? The Tooth Fairy with The Rock?

Yeah. No, I missed that one. I watched that, man. Why did you watch that? Because it was late. I took mushrooms with my friend. And it was just that kind of after. We're done tripping, but we're still up and hanging out.

And that was coming on HBO. And we're like, fuck it, let's watch it. It's probably good for a few laughs. And we had to rewind it 40 minutes in because we couldn't follow what was going on. It's baffling like there's so many holes in it like he has this relationship with this woman but you don't know if they're married

and there's these kids it's weird like you don't know his relationship to the it's not his wife and kids but like he's hanging around there and he never kisses the woman and and then he somehow like it's never really clear on why he turns into a tooth fairy like he says something like yeah the tooth fairy's bullshit kid

like at one point and then all of a sudden he's like in this weird tooth fairy land and he's got to be a tooth fairy it's kind of like it's oh it sounds awesome and then billy crystal makes an appearance and i totally called it like because he like it's oh it sounds awesome and then billy crystal makes an appearance and i totally called it like because he like goes through tooth fairy training you know learns how to fly all fucking bumping in what there's a tooth fairy training well yeah it's like yeah it's like you know where's where's tooth fairy land in his brain he probably just got hit on the head or something this was all in his head is that that was really the plot yeah yeah and then he turns into the tooth fairy and uh and then like we're watching it and it's like and i was like

all right billy jew billy crystal's old jew character is going to make an appearance or whoopi goldberg or like somebody like that and then fucking right there billy crystal comes down this ladder like, okay, hold your horses, hold your... And he gives him some books on how to be a tooth fairy. And then he turns into the tooth fairy randomly. He'll be out in public and the wings just spur it out.

I feel like I'm losing momentum with trying to sell this shitty movie. No, dude, you've got me in a trance. You got me in a trance. You got me in a trance. That sounds ridiculous. It's really absurd. But when you have kids, you understand ridiculous absurd movies. It'll keep them quiet, man.

Oh, it keeps moving, but there aren't a lot of dots connected. We're like, wait, how do we get from here? It's like, oh, you just needed to get from here to here. And you just did it. And so you just put some thing in the middle. Yeah, it's really like... Now I'm going to see it. And I'm going to be waiting in the middle. Yeah. Yeah, it's really like... Now I'm going to see it. And I'm going to be waiting for that.

I'm going to be waiting for the hole. Oh, it's riddled. Are you doing something across it? I'm trying to open another root beer barrel, but I can't figure out how. Oh, you silly, silly man. Can't figure it out. We've got to change these microphones. These microphones are too goddamn sensitive.

You're doing it down by your dick, and we're hearing it as if you're crackling right now. Yeah, I know. Sorry. These are the bags. The volcano bags. I gave up on that volcano. Well, most people shouldn't be trying to open a hard candy during a... What'd you say, Brian? That kind of mic would be worse, though. Oh, really? Yeah.

You're supposed to talk into it. Yeah, but these are picking up everything in the room, dude. That does it times a million. No, no, no. That's less. That's less, Brian. Those are more vocal mics. Oh, really? Yeah, it a million. No, no, no. That's less. That's less, Brian. Those are more vocal mics. Oh, really? Yeah, it's less. No, we tried it.

Remember? It picked up way less ambient noise. That's our next move as we expand. We're going to move this thing out. I'm going to get an office space. At the Ice House, right? Well, we're going to do that, too. We're going to do that, too.

Probably a new desk out there. But what we're going to do at the Ice House is we want to set it up so that comics getting off stage and going on stage can have a little different podcast not my podcast but we're gonna call it like an evening at the ice house right have it's just whatever comic is there you know within reason they host it or whatever yeah yeah whoever's there whoever's there yeah brian's in town he'll he'll sit on it whoever the fuck is in town and we just you know keep rotating comics like i'll do it i'll get off state yeah it'd be awesome it'll be great for all of us that'll be a lot of fun no that whole

night with the stuff that you and i were talking about yeah exciting it's great right yeah we want to go there there's a place the ice house in pasadena it's this really cool old club that's been around for like 35 years and they have this little tiny room they just have like the 50th anniversary wow that's insane that's the oldest. Wow. That's insane. That's the oldest one, right? Yeah. That's insane. 50 years. The Smothers Brothers and shit performed there.

God damn. There are a lot of albums recorded there. Like if you go to the thrift store and go through old comedy albums. That's amazing. Pat Paulson. It's a great, great club. And there's two rooms. There's the big room, which is very small.

It's only 185 people. And then there's the, somewhere around there, right? 185, 190, something like that. That's about right. Perfect size room, by the way. Amazing set up. It's amazing set up. And then there's another, somewhere around there, right? 185, 190, something like that. Perfect size room, by the way. Amazing setup. It's an amazing setup. And then there's another room that's really small.

It's only like 85 people. It's 90. 90 people? Yeah. And we've been doing that. We've been doing some sets there. And Brendan and I and Brian. We have one Friday.

Al Magical came down and Ari went up. Sam. And you guys have one this Friday too? Yeah, we have it every Friday. Yeah, and we're going to start doing that on a regular basis and as soon as I'm done with this Fear Factor stuff, which should be pretty soon, then we're going to move forward

in different dynamic podcast directions. So we'll call it an evening at the Ice House or something along those lines. Did we ever talk about that? Remember when we brought up how David Letterman's social security number was on the wall? Yeah, we did. And we went there like the following day.

Yeah, we don't know whether or not that really is still his social security number, whether the wall yeah and we went there like the following day yeah we don't know whether or not that really is still his social security number where they changed it well they put it back up i was there they put it back up days ago whatever they block it out yeah it's they they made a copy of it and it looks like the the real one or they did something it's gone now though well we we pointed it out to them we're like you know you can see david letterman's social security number on this contract and they were like no way like yeah oh there's a picture of his contract yeah yeah like lukey we paid him oh okay near the bathroom yes there were there are a couple different ones okay yeah and that one actually has a social security number on it that's insane yeah it's ridiculous it steals

identity yeah well that's what brian already did yeah he's trying to like can you do that shit like viruses and shit like how i assume anybody who knows anything about computers can like hack into all my shit because i don't know anything i'm really naive i could do dumb shit you know like just tricky shit but there's kids right now that are growing up from the time they're little kids. They've been fucking with hacking into the registry and fucking with things and reading on forums and finding out how to do things and working on coding. And there's wizards out there, man. I know. They speak a language that we can't even fucking wrap our heads around.

There was a documentary on one small area. I think it was of Russia. I forget what Eastern Bloc country it was. But they had this one town where they have a disproportionate amount of internet scammers and virus makers and people stealing credit card numbers. And they were all just driving

Mercedes back and forth. Really? Yeah. All these computer people. They just fucking hacked the matrix. They found an area where oil would come up. They drilled into it and then oil was coming up in their one spot. It's amazing. Wow. And it's all just identity theft and shit?

There's a lot of that going on, for sure. There's a lot of cyber crime. I would like to know the statistics of what has happened since the internet existed. Is crime up? Is crime down? What kind of crime is more prevalent now that there's little online things

that can rip people off? Yeah, probably some like... I don't know. You're not leaving a paper trail with anything, so if you just go in and move numbers from one place to another... It just would scare the fucking shit out of me to think that you would have anything important online.

You know? Yeah, I'm pretty... I mean, I guess that's one good thing of not really being a techie. Like, I don't get excited about it. I don't have anything... Somebody could steal my laptop tomorrow and they wouldn't really know any more about me

than if they stole one of my notebooks. Yeah. I always look at websites that are up and I say, these are only up because someone didn't target you. That's it. Right. It's not like you could do anything about it.

What are you going to do about it? You're not going to do shit. It's like there's a wild west out there in some ways. I mean, they can track some people down if they're really sloppy, and they find out people that do certain things they shouldn't be doing. But for the most part, it's pretty fucking crazy. Well, those guys like the anonymous and lulz sec yeah those like they i was pretty amused by what they were doing but it's pretty scary where it's like oh fuck those guys like if they can fuck with sony for like a week what could

they do to me they're putting some of those dudes in jail though oh it's like well that's the other thing you're gonna get fucking you don't get away with that kind of shit this is gonna be like government agencies yeah it's gonna be a badass documentary that we'll be able to watch in like 10 years yeah like have you ever watched a documentary on the weather underground yeah i saw it yeah radical hippie movement in the 60s wanted to get rid of the government and some fascinating fucking documentary that's what this is gonna be like yeah you know a decade from now when we're even more oppressed, we'll look back at the time that the internet almost rose against before they instituted the censorship on the internet. Yeah.

That would really lock everything down. That would either lock everything down or cause a civil war. That would be the final push. If the government regulated the internet the way the FCC regulates television or the way they regulate radio or anything. If they told you what you could and couldn't put out there. Because that's where it all got out of hand.

Everything was doing great until the 80s and the 90s came along and all of a sudden people were getting their information from different places. They were getting it from a fucking computer. But with that Wiki leaks guy i mean aren't they essentially like it's like you can't really put whatever you want out there well they locked that guy up and they gave that guy some sort of a house arrest deal where he had to show up at the police station and check himself

in every day and from what i understand he's trying to fight being extradited he doesn't want to have to leave the country i don. I have no idea what the fuck happened, but I do think that I don't believe that this would happen this way if he wasn't that guy. I think it seems pretty obvious that someone's targeting him. It doesn't seem kosher to me. I don't believe she's even saying it was really rape. It was by some really broad definition of rape, like regret afterwards or something,

the feeling of being deceived or something along those lines. She changed her mind when he was finishing up or whatever. Something along those lines, right? And he was already inside of her and he didn't want to stop or something. But he was already on the run. He was already wanted when all that happened, I thought. Was he? Yeah. It's just fascinating how you're not allowed

to release information unless you're the New York Times or CNN or an established news organization slash corporation that we can trust. You're not allowed to just release that. Because the real question

would come up, what would the New York Times do if it was given that information? If it was given all the WikiLeaks documents and if someone came along and said, listen, here's a gigantic file, you're going to fucking shit your pants. This is all a bunch of shit that I took from U.S. data banks and it's going to blow

the hole on this whole Iraq war thing. There's a lot of things in it that's going to really disturb the shit out of people when they find out about real relationships between different foreign countries and different things that we're doing in all sorts of different parts of the world. What do you think would happen? I don't think that would

get released through a real mainstream news site. Do you think the New York Times would go, get the fuck out of here, we're not releasing this? Give it back to the government? Because it wasn't their property? I think, yeah. Because it wasn't their property? Is that a law? I think that they're dealing with a business, so they don't want to fuck up and ruin the business.

Would it be stolen information, so there would be illegal contraband or something along those lines? Because it's top secret? I think the government would just come and confiscate it. Somebody would call somebody and the government would be like be like you have what we're sending someone right down yeah and then just like is that ever going to change is that ever going to get to the point where that doesn't happen anymore is that like a remnant of the old days that's like slowly starting to work its way out to the point where you know it's police aren't going to have like that kind of absolute power is that possible uh i don't think so really no it's going to have that kind of absolute power. Is that possible?

I don't think so. Really? No. It's going to get worse, right? Does it get worse as the population increases? Well, it's like that Orwell quote of the future. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot standing on somebody's neck forever. Something like that.

Whoa, Orwell was a drag. Yeah, he was. Imagine getting high with orwell dude you are fucking killing me with this boot neck thing why don't you just go to a massage par get jerked off you know just a wonderful feeling of warm oil on your balls and just ah just sweet release yeah you don't have to think about boots and necks well needed it's not all boots and necks you fucking dramatic cocksucker well i, I mean, he wrote Animal Farm in 1984. Oh, he was brilliant.

In like the 40s. When I say dramatic cocksucker, I mean it with all due respect. He actually predicted a lot of shit that went down that, you know, was essentially science fiction at the time. Yeah. It's amazing. You know? I mean, the internet, essentially,

I mean, you could argue that, you know, that screen that everybody had in their apartments in 1984. Was 1984 supposed to be the year where this story took place? Is that what the premise is? Yeah. Isn't it amazing when you look back, like, on space, 1999? They thought that by 1999, we'd be, like, fucking living on other planets. Oh, in 2010.

You know? 2010 was the year they made contact, right? And 2001, a space odyssey. Yeah. That's like... 2010, they thought this is ridiculously far in the future. Yeah, yeah. This is so far in the future that we're never going to have to worry about that. We'll just make our money now, and we'll probably be right when 2001 rolls along.

Oh, nothing. Yeah. No, no fucking space travel at all. I don't though man like i i was at that's the one area though where we grossly overestimated how far we would advance space travel there's unmanned space shit out there and there's the space station with people on it right now yeah yeah yeah but space yeah yeah they were they were living on fucking... They were shooting lasers at people. They were like Jetsons cars.

I mean, Space 1999, didn't they have battles? With other fucking aliens and shit? I'm pretty sure they did. Probably. I'm pretty sure they did. Oh, yeah, no, that was the future. That's a print song, bitch. What's a ridiculous space in 1999?

Those smart cars are pretty futuristic looking. Well, you know, Obama just passed some new legislation saying that by, I think it's 2025, that the average miles per gallon of a car has to be some insane number. It's like 50 plus miles per gallon. And that's what's going to be the standard average per corporation like you could have one stupid car like you can have one mustang you know gt with a fucking giant engine that eats gas yeah as long as you had a slew of electric cars you got like 90 miles to gallon sort of balance that's a good idea for the mustang yeah it's kind of interesting but

did you ever see that documentary who Who Killed the Electric Car? Yes, I did. Oh, that was pretty interesting. Fascinating. Yeah. I mean, they had a pretty decent electric car, it seemed, back in like 86. Yeah.

And then they just took them all and destroyed them. That's fishy. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, conspiracies are real, man. Enron, the smartest man in the room, do you ever watch that documentary? Conspiracies are real man Enron the smartest men in the room do you ever watch that documentary conspiracies are fucking real they definitely went to war because I'm looking on

space 1999 in Wikipedia was that a show? I was shooting lasers at them yeah space 1999 you didn't know that was a show? when I was saying that it was a show that I used to watch when I was a kid I thought it was kind of a lard.

Oh, my God. Just like the idea of the future. Really, they were so optimistic. This is how crazy they were. Because we had just gone to the moon, you know, supposedly. And it's 1975, so did they just stop the Apollo program in 72? So in 1999, they thought we would be fucking going to war. But that was only 20 years.

They were only guessing 24 years in the future. In 24 years, they thought, well, dude, we finally landed on the moon. Remember when we invented cars? Now look what we drive. They finally landed on the moon? Listen, dude. By the time 1999 rolls around, we're going to be going to battle

in space. So these fucking people were living in uniforms. They had outfits and shit. That was the other hallmark of the future. Everybody wore the same clothes. That's how you knew it was the future. Future or aliens.

They're all wearing the same clothes. Yeah, well, I mean, Walmart, Target. That is a fascinating thing. They're just not all matching silver jumpsuits. Most people are getting

their clothes from the same four places, probably. Old Navy. It's amazing that they missed so badly. 1999, they were so optimistic. 2001, so optimistic. A lot of things got it right, though. That old ride at Walt Disney World in the future,

where it was like a thing where you just sat there and watched what the future was supposed to be like. If you look at it now, it's pretty crazy how similar it is do you remember alien you remember the stroma when they're the when they're in their ship and he's working on the computer it looks so fucking bad oh yeah that's funny i love that when a shit computer you have like this piece of shit with its green fucking letters yeah it's green you know lit up letters oh yeah yeah it's so stupid and the printer paper still has the holes on the side of it this is the year 3000 kirk out he didn't even have a cell phone right he had walkie talkies

with the nostromo that was the fucking computer man they missed so badly but there's like now we're at a point where we can imitate they can predict things a little like i think you know it seems like a top cruise what was that minority report that shit is sort of i've seen that shit in other movies too so maybe that's the way things are headed when i swipe my iphone when i'm going through like contacts or when i'm going through uh email i think i think of it that way. I'm like, this is amazing. These things are amazing. I'm sliding this thing back and forth with my fingers.

And then iPads, the same thing. I read books on the iPad. And when you turn the page, you slowly slide your finger. And it slowly curls the page over and then rolls to the next page. I've seen it. Whoa. This is some freaky fucking futuristic shit. And we're getting it right now.

I went to a concert a couple weeks ago, and I went to smoke a cigarette and was looking at the whole crowd in the Hollywood Bowl, and you just see all these little light-up things. Yeah, and it's like, that's kind of crazy, man. And it happened so quickly. It's amazing. Really, 10 years ago, you didn't see.

I was typing an email today, and I was on the iPhone, and I was just thinking about how crazy it is that you can just touch these little spots. I think about that a lot. It knows pretty much what letter you're trying to say, and then you can just swipe your finger, and it spins through all your pictures and spins through all your music. This is nuts, man. This is so specific, too.

It's so accurate. Joe, you've got to try out this thing called Spotify. It's kind of like Rhapsody. It's all-you-can-eat, any kind of music. For $10, you get all the music you want, pretty much. So for $10, one-time fee? No, every month, $10 a month. $10 a month for music.

Yeah, but you sit there, and you just have access to pretty much any song ever. Boy, the loss is mine. I don't really understand the service, but yeah, you can, like, for $10 a month, you can put in, like, Rolling Stones and every Rolling Stones song will come up and you can download them. But what's cool is whoever has

it connected to their Facebook, like a lot of your friends, like Duncan is a perfect example. You can see his whole entire music, like, what he likes, what he listens to. So you can just, like, if you're looking for new music, you can just go see what Joey D is looking at. You just, like what he likes, what he listens to. So you can just like if you're looking for new music, you just go see what Joey D is looking at. You just like look at all his music. It's pretty cool.

I would try it out. But you can download their music too. And you can also download it on your phone. You can be like, oh, Duncan has that album. I want it. And you can put it on an iPhone. You can put it on an iPod and you keep it. Well, the thing is the Spotify, it's like your iTunes, but it's held at some server. Yeah, but I think there's like your iTunes, but it's held at some server. Oh, it's like a cloud share.

Yeah, but I think there's a way to also download the tracks. So, like, you have offline mode. Oh, yeah. So, like, if you just pick what things you want, it will download the tracks onto your iPhone. That's annoying. It's pretty cool. I would want it on my iPod. I might get into it.

I want it on my hard drive. I want a physical. I think you can do that. Really? Yeah, I think so. As long as you can do that. Yeah, you can put it on your computer, your iPad, your phone. It doesn't have to be

connected to the internet to use it. No, you could download it. You have to be connected to the internet at some point. To get it. Yeah, to get it. To get the music. Right, right. And do you just refresh and it just... It just saves it onto your device. Oh, okay. So it is just like downloading it. Yeah. I'm confused.

I thought you were saying you can keep it in the cloud. You can't burn it to a CD. Why not? I think it might have some kind of time trap. It only lasts a certain amount of time? Yeah, like it has to. Oh, really? I don't know.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I think you just might have made that up, Brian. No, I think that's how it works, though. I think it has to check for subscription once in a while or something. Oh, that's annoying. So as long as your subscription's up, it's good? You know what's good you can keep your car you know what's good it's in your car you're driving around going that's all annoying man when you got it you got it right i i keep an iphone or an ipod always charged up i always listen in my car i hardly ever listen to the

radio anymore i just listen to my ipod yeah it connects to my car it's fucking it's it's amazing you can just choose whatever music but all i have to do is just like sync it back and forth between my computers i don't want to go online and just fucking register and pay 10 bucks a month there's uh i i buy the cd on itunes i buy the mp3s and that's good for me i don't want any of that craziness i have satellite in my car and i like it because i've been turned on to a lot of new music that I wouldn't have heard. There's one station in particular. I like that indie kind of rock shit. I like rap too.

What kind of rock shit? Like indie. I like 90s indie rock a lot. You know, like pavement shit like that. What do they sing? Sing me a song. Well, I mean, I don't know. Like Dinosaur Jr.?

Are you familiar with any of that? I was in a radio station once, WAAF in Boston. And one of the dudes from Dinosaur Jr. What is it, Maskus? Jay Maskus. Jay Maskus sang a song right there. And it was a real creepy acoustic song. And I'm like, wow, what a weird dude this guy is.

I bet this guy is some fucking crazy creepy weird genius dude they are i mean that's a certain genre um like uh well like nirvana came out of that too really yeah it's like the melvins and fucking but it's nirvana like if you talk about like that kind of music you want that you like if you say nirvana do they think oh you're all mainstream um no no because i mean nirvana like naturally happened that came from like they wanted to be as big as sonic youth or dinosaur jr and just they just wrote songs way too good and fucking just got huge they they reinvented things they changed the face of everything they fucked hair bands and vanilla ice and mc hammer those guys were they got pounded on boom

yeah like where'd this come from There's all this truth and pain and reality. Dude's screaming Rape Me. Rape Me again. And it's a great song. Rape Me is a great fucking song and it played on the radio. Just wrap your head around that.

Imagine trying to put that out today. Rape Me, a song called Rape Me. People would freak the fuck out. They wouldn't want to play that on the radio. Too many people would be complaining. This guy went on stage in the UFC this weekend. There was controversy. These two fighters went out to controversial songs. And one of them was he went out to smack my bitch up.

And so this writer was complaining. Are you serious? Yes. They wrote an article on Yahoo about how it was insensitive to have that song, and that song promotes violence against women in the LHS, that people might find it offensive. And then the other song they complained about

was the Scorpions' Rock You Like a Hurricane, because obviously we're in New Orleans, and New Orleans had been hit by a hurricane. But meanwhile... You're watching two guys beating the shit out of each other. Yeah, and when that song came on, I don't think people thought that. I didn't even associate it with that

until I read the article. Some cunty little writer fucking wanted to cause a stir. Do you know how funny it is that you just said that? Because I got in trouble for calling this very writer cunty. Really? Yeah. People were like, you shouldn't use that word. Sounds like cunty behavior to me.

I did not inform you of this beforehand. We had no discussion. There was no coercion on your part. Ladies and gentlemen, nature finds its fucking course. The other one was the Scorpions, Rock You Like a Hurricane. When I heard that song, I didn't think, oh, no, he didn't. A hurricane hit here and devastated the population. That's just looking for shit to get out of it.

I thought, oh, it was a fucking jam. Here I am. That's a good thing to listen to before you're going to go get in a fist fight. Yeah, it's a fucking good song, man. You can't not have that good song anymore. It's not responsible for the hurricane. Yeah. Okay.

Now, if he played Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves, then that would be like, wait, why is he fucking playing this? This doesn't go along with the sport. I wonder if he'd be allowed to do that. I wonder if Dana White would approve that. Because he approves every song. By the way, Smack My Bitch Up

has won all these awards. It's in Charlie's Angels. Smack My Bitch Up is in Charlie's Angels. How does that go? So it's like complaining, Smack My Bitch Up! It's like this crazy techno. It's a really famous song.

You never heard it before? I probably have. The name's just not ringing a bell. Is it like the Chemical Brothers? It is the Chemical Brothers? Oh, then I am familiar with it. I have all their stuff. It's hilarious, though,

that someone would complain about that. That seems kind of silly. Yeah, of course. Complaining about anything is silly. Are we nerfing the fucking world? What is going on, Brendan Walsh? Now, I ask you this because you're a comic, and you're also a fucking, you know, you go deep.

You push buttons. You know, you talk about crazy shit on stage. It's fun. It's my kind of comedy. Good. You know, when I saw you the other night at the Ice House, I was like, thank God there's still guys doing that. Oh, well, thanks, Joe.

That's flattering, man. It's true. It's been really dirty. The new stuff's kind of getting pretty dirty. Keep going. Go deeper. I was there. I mean, look, I'm a huge fan of stand-up comedy still,

but it's not enough people are doing crazy shit. Not enough people are going to the deep end of the pool. Oh, cool. Not enough people are just making fucked up things really funny. Yeah. And there's a few, but you were nailing a bunch of, I don't want to do any of your material, but you were nailing a bunch of different subjects left and right. I was like, this is really funny stuff, man.

I enjoyed it. That's awesome, dude. There's comedy supposed to be kind of fucked up, man. The best stuff when you've got a couple of drinks in you, the best stuff is like, you know, like Nick DiPaolo is one of my all time favorite guys to watch when I got a little buzz on. Oh, yeah. Because he would have fake mean shit.

I mean, it was mean. But he's not a mean guy. He's a nice guy. He's a great guy. He's just fucking, that's the style of comedy. And he's going after it. And especially when you got a buzz on, it's a fucking great art form. By people complaining about a dude coming out to rock you like a hurricane.

Complaining about a dude coming out to rock you like a hurricane. And by people trying to take some of the flavor out of the world. Tone things down. They're ruining everything that's cool about life. Yeah. The subtlety. There's just a bunch of fucking unhappy pricks. Yeah.

Knowing what's right and what's wrong. Knowing when to let things go. There's a big fucking... It shows a big... It's like priority example of your character yeah if you're gonna sit down and fucking like you know police wikipedia on your fucking own time just because somebody adds jerry seinfeld started directing adult films after whatever you know like if you're somebody who's you know policing craigslist for people trying to be funny or gross on it, what the fuck's wrong with you, man?

There's a million other things you could be doing right now. That needs to be illuminated, right? It needs to be pointed at. Why are you doing this? Well, because usually what they're doing... I'm just speaking from experience of... I had a fake Yelp account where I would just complain about businesses oh no like i took businesses that had like there was

a car wash called the handy j and i wrote the review like i was expecting a hand job at the end of the car wash and it's blatant false advertising and there's a restaurant called the happy ending on sunset so either way it was just all written by this naive guy who was in a shitty marriage. And he was just looking for a handjob. And none of these places gave him handjobs. And this pink taco place in Arizona, some guy beats the shit out of him because he tries to get his daughter to fuck him. I mean, it was just a silly thing I was doing. But it got taken down because I guess somebody complained or was monitoring was monitoring Yelp and I lost all my fucking

you didn't write anywhere again no I was like I that's before I even knew that you could do a screen grab like I just I think I well wasn't there a thing that you could do on the internet Brian where you could go back in time it's like a machine yeah not not just that oh you could go back in time time machine not just that yeah that probably is not on there this was a couple years ago how does that work? it's just a program like a spider or a bot that takes screenshots

and kind of saves websites kind of archives websites called the internet archive where is this all stored at? I don't know. I think it's connected with some museum or something like that or some kind of weird thing, database. But it works like 70% of the time. You can go to your old website from like 91. Well, I didn't have a website in 91.

Or 92 or whatever. I think it was 98 actually. Or 98. And you can see it and some things will work, some photos will work, some things won't. That's wild. That's wild. That is weird. I have Pepsi Spice projects on there somewhere.

Is it really? Yeah. That's hilarious. Brian did a thing where he pretended that he was going to eat nothing but Pepsi Spice for, like, months. And he got PepsiSpice.com. It was a new type of Pepsi that they had. For the holidays. And he got Pepsiispice.com it was a new type of Pepsi that they had and he got pepsispice.com he registered it

because they were fucking slow on the take and they didn't realize the power of the internet and suddenly he writes this blog detailing these horrific

fucking physical ailments that are occurring to him from just eating nothing but Pepsi Spice for a month what was it

spicy Pepsi Pepsi Spice it was like ginger I don't remember that shit at all. It was gross. It was horrible. It was so awful. It was like Thanksgiving.

Do you remember New Coke? They tried to fuck with Coke. I remember New Coke. Yeah. It was like what? Coke Classic. It was like, what are you doing? And then they don't do that anymore, right?

Now it's just Coke Classic. They got rid of New Coke. Yeah, New Coke just was, it was a slow introduction. You know what it was like? It was like the metric system. They tried to shove it out of the road. It tastes like Pepsi. And then they pulled it back.

They're like, all right, we give up. We give up. We give up. New Coke just tasted like Pepsi. Do you think there's a different type of person who drinks Coke rather than Pepsi? Fuck yeah, man. I hate Pepsi. Like, drinking Pepsi is...

It's all kind of the same, isn't it? I like Diet Pepsi better than Diet Coke. Coke Zero rules all. Do you think, like, do dumber people like Pepsi or smarter? Dumber. Dumber? No, smart people like Pepsi or smarter? Dumber. No, smart people are drinking soda on a regular basis. Really? I bet they are.

Smart people. I know smart people that smoke cigarettes. Yeah, that's true. We had this guy named Daniel Pinchbeck, this brilliant author, who told me he just quit smoking cigarettes. I was like, what the fuck? You what? What?

You just quit too, right? It's tough, man. Have you quit recently? When did you quit? I'm like on my third day so that's it not even i quit for a year a couple years ago and i smoked a joint with my friend rolled a joint with tobacco in it and it fucking it's crazy once you have that little taste i was like hey roll me a cigarette like a couple days later i was staying with him in upstate new york

after montreal and so i was kind of on vacation, in that vacation mode, and was like, I'll have a couple smokes until when I get back to LA, I'll stop. And went down to the city for a week and bummed a couple cigarettes. But cigarettes are like 15 bucks a pack there. So I was like, I'm just going to buy a pack and, you know, give them to people

and I'll smoke. And either way, it just snowballed into... Is that the only physical addiction you've ever had? Cock. Brian. Yeah, man, that's rude. That's rude behavior that your fucking little co-host is exhibiting. You know, this is going out on the internet.

Other people are going to hear this, dude. That's slander or libel, whatever it is. I want you to put a cock in your mouth and cry. Okay, listen, you took it too far. No, I've never had any real like you know i like to drink and stuff but you've never had like a physical craving like that before where you got attached to it cigarettes or alcohol i mean the cigarettes is the only one like that i mean how about is alcohol have you ever gotten to a like a i need a drink every day stage no no no

so it's cigarettes my what i was trying to get at was like cigarettes are inordinately tough. And much stronger. They have a much stronger pull than a lot of the other things that get people addicted. Well because you don't get anything out of cigarettes too. Like cigarettes if they got you high or drunk.

They relax though. But it's all just because you're poisoned. Do you get pissed off at those people that fucking tell you they can smoke and they don't ever get hooked because there's a lot of people that do that they're called liars no they're not I think there are different kinds of

I do lean more towards like an addictive type if there's something that's kind of fun my impulse is to overdo it. I mean, I have self-control and other things. That's why you're funny. Almost all comics have that.

Every comic that I know that's really funny is impulsive. Like, look at Kreischer. He's really impulsive. Brian Callen, really impulsive. Joey's impulsive as fuck, you know? I'm glad that they're still improving the technology of a cigarette, though. They have Camel Crushes now. It's so bad.

Which are so awesome. Like, you're smoking a cigarette, they have camel crushes now so bad which are so awesome like you're smoking a cigarette and you're like you know what i'm bored with this cigarette then you just crush the filter and it releases more chemicals into the filter then it tastes like mint so now yeah then it's a menthol cigarette what but it's a little chemical ball yeah and that's what i'm saying wait a minute wait a minute so you can change your experience yeah you go from a regular or at any time back and forth yeah no no just, you go from a regular... Or at any time, back and forth. No, no. Just once. Once you go menthol, you can't go back. Right.

Or you did like five, six. But the whole pack has this available to it. The whole pack. The whole pack, yeah. They have little spearmint balls. I've cut one open. It's a little... It's going to find out that that gives cancer cancer.

Yeah, double cancer. Those mint balls give you cancer and new cancer. So bad, man. But once you get out of the woods... When I quit a couple years ago, I mean, I went like a year, and it's been a year now that I've been smoking again. Right. Once you get out, or at least once I got out of the woods, like after a couple weeks, I was like, okay, I'm fine.

I don't need this. Really? Yeah, I really didn't. I was pretty cocky about it. I was like, I'm never going to stick another one of those things in my mouth. Wow. And I would hang out at bars. I'd go out with my friends when they went to smoke.

I was like, I'm done. I don't't smoke i read this book that helped a lot i mean granted i'm smoking again but because well but i mean under my circumstances though i kind of didn't really do it by choice like i smoked this joint that had tobacco and i knew i tasted it right away but i was like i can fuck it i'm on vape this is like it's been 11 months since i had a cigarette i can have a pop this is like it's been 11 months since i had a cigarette i can have a pop tobacco demon talking it's fucked up do you know what it is the nicotine demon well that's the way the guy that's the way he uh describes it in the book is like you're just feeding this little monster that needs to be fed over like it's a very short i haven't heard that like after six months like you get to like it starts burning fat that has nicotine still in it

and so you start getting cravings again after like a certain period. I don't know if this is bullshit. Someone said that too. And I thought that sounded silly. Seems kind of silly. It might be though. I mean, I know marijuana stays in your system. I think if you're like really fat and you get super high, weed can stay in your system for weeks.

Yeah. I think it stays in your fat cells, right? Yeah. I think it stays in your fat cells, right? Yeah. So if that, I mean, if it's there, maybe, I mean, it's obviously the grip of that stuff is way stronger than the grip. I mean, there's people that say they get addicted to marijuana, but there's nothing like the feeling, I don't think, that they would get with cigarettes. They don't need to smoke it all day like that. No, it's more of a habitual.

I think marijuana, you get hooked on the ritual of it. I also huff this shit, too. Yeah. I love that shit. You get hooked on the ritual of it. I also huff this shit, too. I'm willing to believe that everybody has a different biochemistry, and some people can get physically addicted to almost anything. I think people get physically addicted to sugar. Some people that have crazy sugar fixations, where it's an addiction.

Of course, dude. So they could get addicted to marijuana, but nothing like the addiction to cigarettes. That is one of the weirdest ones, man. It's a bitch. When you see people like when Brian started smoking cigarettes again, it's almost like I have to accept that he got bit by a vampire. It's like, oh, he got bit by a vampire. All this talk of cigarettes makes me want to have a cigarette. Oh, dude.

Are you ever going to quit, or are you just going to run away? I might bum one off you. Oh, really? You ready to give in? Today one off you. Oh, really? Today's been rough. I've just been... I keep fucking wanting one, but it's like... Yeah, it's that... Explain it to me.

What's the pull? As a person who's never... I've had a cigarette or two in the day, but I've never got it. Yeah, it's just... It sounds like a really good idea. Like, I just want to kind of fucking smoke a cigarette. And there is a little bit of a, yeah, a little like... You know what it's like?

You know what it's like? It's when you go and you're hungry as fuck, and you go to the movie theater, and you smell that popcorn, and you're like, fuck, I need that popcorn. No, it can't be. It's got to be way crazier than that, because I could pass on the popcorn.

No, because you can sit there and not get popcorn, but if you sit there and keep on smelling it over and over again, it'll drive you crazy. Don't think of popcorn specifically. Think of like you're really hungry

and you smell like cookies. How about this? We're at Fogo de Chow and the guy keeps coming back with the meat and I have my thing flipped over to red. Yeah.

Is it that good? Yeah, it's more than that. It's more than that. It's like when you smell somebody cooking cookies or brownies in your house and you're like, oh, I need that fucking cookie now. It's like that. That's what the yearning's kind of like. It's something where it's like, oh. And when you get it, when you finally give in to the beast

and you light that bitch up and you suck it in, what is that like? That completely goes away, that stress. Yeah, it goes away, but then I guess, you know, mine's immediately going to be followed by guilt. Yeah, but you don't think, okay, here I am, I'm poisoning my mind. Dude, oh God, the thoughts, they fucking go through my head. Yeah, it's so dumb.

I think about it, like, I don't think about it when I'm doing it. I think about it the next morning when I'm just like... You know what you should do, dude? You should start smoking a pipe. Smells better. So you get your tobacco. Maybe you can smoke a pipe and be okay. Just...

You just got to stop doing it. You guys are both junkies. You guys can't help it. It's an addiction, man. But, you know, this is like... You know, yeah, it's my third day. So it's pretty... It's also good for breakfast lunch and

dinner no you see that's i'm not a uh i'm not a big daytime smoker oh i'm at night like i don't i use it for lunch i don't smoke during the day if i'm using lunch so you don't eat yeah like if i'm really hungry i'm just too busy i'll smoke a cigarette and that kills it for another 30 minutes oh my god that's so gross yeah That's got to be terrible for you. But I do, if I'm around people, like I was staying with a buddy of mine in Austin, and he wakes up in the morning, has a cup of coffee and a cigarette,

and I would do that with him. Oh God, that's the best combo ever. Is it? Well, it's just, it's more like, again, like when in Rome, like, okay. But I wouldn't do that on my own. Does that give you a crazy head rush? What does that do for you?

You know, I'm not crazy about that, that combo first thing in the morning. No, it makes my stomach feel shitty. I don't even swear by it. Even before they have food. Yeah. No, I think a lot of people are. Really?

What's the big deal? I don't know. It just goes together perfect. It's the taste of the coffee and the taste of the cigarette. Do you ever figure shit out from that combination? Is that a combination where you start your day out with a new perspective? Kind of. You get a little boost from the cigarette, a little boost from the coffee at the same time it's kind

of like a kickstart it's amazing amazing nobody shit nobody ever talks about getting rid of cigarettes they're like little little evil demons that have they should be fucking collected themselves illegal it's amazing it's totally amazing it's amazing when you think about all the shit that is illegal you think of the actual numbers that they're doing we were i was talking to henry phillips about i don't know if you guys know henry but uh the guy who uh played guitar on stanhope's yeah yeah um and we were just like you know kind of drunk talking on the phone one night and we were both talking about how like god what are we still smoking? You know, because he smokes cigarettes, too.

And he's saying like, yeah, if like an alien life form was like looking down on us, they'd be like, wait, so this fucking thing kills, you know, like a million people a year and it's not illegal. Like, why don't they just make it illegal? And it's like, well, because these five guys are getting really rich off of it. And the aliens would be like, well, why not just kill those five guys and save the millions and just make it a little... It seems like a no-brainer, but it's like, yeah, that's just the way everything's fucked up. It's like, yeah, why not just kill the five guys who are fucking everything up for everyone?

Well, there's two arguments. There's one, the freedom argument, where you're free to do whatever you want to do, even if it's ridiculous. Well, you can't do heroin if you want to. But why can't you? Because it's illegal. Right. But should we allow more things to be legal?

That's the other question. It's like we have enough problems of our own. No, I'm saying make cigarettes illegal. It would be hard because a lot of people say they want to be able to have a fucking cigarette. I know, but I think I'm one of those. A lot of people want to fuck 10-year-olds, too. Yeah, but that's different. I'm one of those smokers that would vote for it.

If they legalized fucking 10-year-olds, that might be way more addictive than cigarettes. I've never done it. The cigarette is connecting to you. You fucking 10-year-olds is you interfering with other people's lives. You're making your own personal choice. You have your own personal freedom to go and

addict to this. I know, of course. It's a weird thing that you want to say that it is illegal. I think you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want. If you want to smoke cigarettes and you know they're addicted, I think we should look down horribly on the people

who sell them. Just like any person selling any fucking deadly drug. Especially things that just what are those 599 fucking ingredients that they've added to cigarettes to make them more addictive like what a crazy combo they've put together well i've smoked those american spirits almost my whole career do they have the um the same their whole thing is it's 100 additive free tobacco like whole food cigarettes is it's 100% additive-free tobacco. It's like whole food cigarettes.

Is it less addictive? Nicotine's pretty addictive. So nicotine on itself is addictive enough, and all the 599 other things just enhance. The other shit is to make it... It's like what they do to food at McDonald's. It's designed to burn a certain way, for the ash to be shaped a certain way.

Do you notice the difference between the cigarette experience from the natural ones and the ones like the cool lights or something? Yeah. What do you know that there's a difference? You smoke like camels, right? I smoke camel lights. This is a really strong one, isn't it? Camels are really strong. American Spears actually, to me, feel like they do more damage just because it's a

thicker smoke. They last longer. They last longer. Like, I'll smoke like, you know, American Spears, the next day, I'm coughing up black shit. Like, I feel like I just have a house fire. Well, you don't smoke as many of them. I mean, that's, you can't smoke as many. Like, I always find It's so crazy.

It's so ridiculous. Like, how do you take your poison? You know, you gotta be careful with the natural poison. Natural poison is hard to swallow. Well, I think it's just... See, I don't think it's hard to swallow. I just don't think you want it as frequently. The other ones burn faster. They're like diet pop.

You can suck down two camels for one. Camels used to have no filter. They still have this. Allels used to have no filter. They still have those. All cigarettes have no filter and filter, like Lucky Strikes. Marlboro doesn't have filter. They have some. Marlboro, yeah. They have non-filtered Marlboros?

They used to. I don't know if they still do. Oh, they might. I don't know. They have the Camel non-filters also. No, I know that, yeah. And Lucky Strikes. What is that all about?

What's the non-filter about? That's like some dude who's a fucking rockabilly shithead who's just going to the nth degree to fucking maintain his style. The worst rockabilly shithead. I love it. Why else are you smoking Lucky Strikes? Except for the package looks cool and goes good with your fucking bowling shirt with flames on it. Your fucking greased back hair.

Your fucking tattoo of a howling cartoon dog. Yeah. I don't want to give any more descriptions because I don't want to get punched in the face by one of those guys when I'm in Austin. And there's those girls that have that very specific look, too. Those rockabilly girls. But burlesque. You were talking about that. That's crazy in Austin.

Like, yeah, it's just like, you know. Yeah, they all dress like they're from the 40s or some shit. The same as roller derby girls. They're all cut from the same cloth. What the fuck is this longing for the nostalgic past that everybody has? I don't know. I have a joke about it. What is it?

Where I say I love roller derby. I've never seen it, but I like that it exists because it cuts down on all the crappy girl bands that would be around otherwise. Because it's just like a bunch of people who need some attention. It's like, yeah, don't start a band, dude. Yeah, do that. Fucking Dubrow-esque or roller derby.

I have a friend from the message board that's in a roller derby thing. Vicky from the message board. Well, it's just a joke, Vicky. She's in Vancouver. She's a nice girl. But she gave me a roller derby girl T-shirt. I wear it. Oh, yeah. No, it's a cool thing. Do you me a roller derby girl t-shirt. I wear it. Oh, yeah. No, it's a cool thing.

It's kind of a cool thing to have, a roller derby girl t-shirt. Yeah. This fucking podcast is over. This thing's gone forever. Man. We rambled through a good part of it where I didn't know what the fuck we were talking about. That beginning part, I was not awake. We're too tired. That's the problem with doing a late night one.

I work all day doing Fear Factor. I'm out in the fucking hot sun all day that shit cooks your brain you can drink a lot of water and rehydrating helps but it makes you really stupid at the end of the day you just get really tired how many do you can you see how many people started listening and stopped just 1 276 not bad yeah for the end been on forever two and a half hours right it's 11 p.m on the east coast oh fuck it's late as fuck a half hours, right? It's 11 p.m. on the East Coast, man. Oh, fuck. It's late as fuck. Or on the West Coast, rather.

It's 11 p.m. Yeah. All right. Thank you, Brendan, for coming by. That was awesome. Thanks for asking me. And please follow him on Twitter. It's B-R-E-N-D-O-N Walsh.

Hell yeah, son. B-R-E-N-D-O-N Walsh. Yeah, on Twitter. And I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana at the Comedy Attic September 29th through October 1st. Tweet that and I'll retweet it. And if you've never seen him, go fucking see him. Yeah, come. It'll be fun. That's a great place.

You're one of those guys that right now in my book of funny guys to watch, you're one of those that hasn't been nationally recognized yet, but it's going to happen quick. Cool, man. I really believe that. You're fucking hilarious, dude. The other night at the Ice House, you had a giant. Those shows were fun. Well, you have a good crowd. It was really fun. Yeah, they're great. Yeah. Yeah, we're really lucky. And most of it is these fucking freaks that are listening right now. And we'll be in Houston.

You dirty freaks. Yeah, we're going to be in Houston together. We're going to be there with the great Joey Coco Diaz. It's a bonafide experience, ladies and gentlemen. What is that, like October 7th? October 7th, and that's at the Verizon Wireless Theater. And this weekend, September 23rd, yeah, September 23rd,

with Joey and Ari, and we're going to be in Denver, Colorado. We're at the Paramount Theater. And it's almost sold out. So it's going to be a lot of fucking fun. I haven't been back to Denver in a long time, so I'm looking forward to that. So that should be the shit. And then the weekend after that,

October... The first week in October? Oh, no. The 30th. The 30th of September. I'm in Washington, D.C. And that's at the Warner Theater. And that's with Ari Shafir. All right, you dirty bitches.

You guys are awesome. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for lasting all you Ustream freaks. You hung in there. And all you people, you had to listen into this at the gym and go, this is a very disjointed fucking weirdo podcast. Yes and no. Surely we could edit this and get the good parts and it would be an hour and 45 minutes

of absolute deliciousness. This would be really good at 145. At 145, this podcast would be the shit. But I'm sorry, we don't have that for you today. We have two hours and 20 minutes of disjointed conversation. Some of it's entertaining. Cut into thousands of pieces on you.

And some of it is just plain cunty. So thanks for tuning in to the podcast and thanks for everything and thanks to the Fleshlight for sponsoring the podcast. If you go to joerogan.net click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN you will get 15%

off the number one sex toy for men. Oh shit! Brendan Walsh is is gonna take one home with him and shoot mad loads in that shit son i don't know if i can trust myself well yeah maybe i will you're gonna do it i'm gonna be back on sunday this sunday evening with graham hancock and uh that is gonna be fucking awesome my one of my favorite authors of all time if you've never heard of him go look him up online watch some of his videos on YouTube, Google them,

buy his books. Fingerprints of the gods changed the way I looked at the world. And he's going to be here this Sunday. So that's it. I'll see you guys soon. Thanks for everything. Bye. Bye. Thank you.