The Joe Rogan Experience - #1409 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

Joey “CoCo” Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor. Joey also hosts his own podcast called “The Church of What’s Happening Now” available on Spotify.

Get that picture of that fucking monkey ass thing to this morning for breakfast. What's that? Who sends you those type of pictures anymore? What? Oh, the picture you sent me? Yeah. Of that girl's lovely private parts.

Oh. That's the best name for a vagina, monkey. I send them to everybody, too. Presidents of corporations, cops, on Monday. Happy Monday. You make their day. Everybody's day is a lot better. Start the day on the right foot.

Especially presidents of corporations. You imagine if you had to work in a fucking office for your whole life, as old as we are now, if we were in an office, since the time we were like 23, 24 years old, right out of school, just every day, buttoned down, trying not to say anything that's going to get you in trouble, just trying to fucking make it to 5 o'clock and then immediately go to a bar

and talk shit with your friends and then do it all over again on Monday. I time it so I know you're in a meeting. I know that you're in a meeting with eight white dudes and they're real serious about, you know, numbers have to be up, statistics, and all of a sudden your phone rings. You fucking open it up and it's a picture of a woman's vagina.

And it breaks up the whole morning. You're like, thank God Joey Diaz exists because he understands what I'm going through. That's tough. That's tough. Going to sales meetings. I used to go to sales meetings and they talk about, dog, do you know I went to Anthony Robbins things? Did you?

When I was a burglar, I went to Anthony Robbins things? Did you? When I was a burglar, I went to Anthony Robbins things. To be a better burglar? No, and I ended up kidnapping a motherfucker. He focused me. I walked on the coals. I was all in with Anthony Robbins. You do know that.

Really? Because I worked for a Subaru dealership, so Subaru paid for you to go to Anthony Robbins seminars. So they would give me like three bills for the day for per diem. I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminars. So they would give me like three bills for the day for per diem. I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminar. Dude, you should be a Subaru spokesperson. Who's more loyal to Subaru than you?

Nobody. You fucking love Subarus. Love them. Love them. I just cannot. Because you lived in Boulder. I lived in Aspen. Yes.

And I saw vans. I saw every type of high-level car spin around. And you just lose control. Did you ever lose control in Colorado? I didn't, but I did in Boston a bunch of times. It wasn't fun for her. It's not. Whenever you're driving in snow, it's touch and go.

You could get patches of ice. And in Colorado at night, you got a thing called black ice. And, you know, I remember being, I worked at the Crestwood. I was security. And I had to pick people up at the airport at night. And I fucking did everything I could to get out of that job. Because one night I was in a van with people doing the speed limit. No alcohol, you know me.

And I just hit black ice and the thing started spinning. And you don't know where you're going to land. You have no idea. I was with McGuire once. Chris McGuire and I were on the way to the airport in Ohio. And we crossed over a bridge. And bridge is where you get it because there's no ground underneath it, so things freeze quicker.

We went over this bridge and just whee! Just got lucky. Nothing happened. We both went, all right. You know, it stopped where we were facing the wrong way, but there was no one on the road because it was early. We were headed back to the airport, and we just got back in line and just like, okay, I remember this.

I remember this. Like, all of a sudden, you got no power. You know, I love German technology. I love the look of a lot of sport cars and everything like that. But when I – there's been nights I've – 10 years ago, I had a gig in Irvine, and it was raining, one of those January in California,

just coming down, I mean, you couldn't see in front of you, and cars were pulled over, and I'm doing 75 in a Subaru. Why is a Subaru so good at that? What is the big deal about Subarus? When I first started with, I had never sold a car before, I was a detailer, and I became friends with a guy at Subaru.

And he would bust my balls every day. His name was Peter Pinto from Florida. Peter Pinto. He was a little guy. What did he do? He went from Florida, he went all the way up to Colorado. Colorado to sell cars, and he became mad. And I got, I was properly introduced.

and he became a man. And I got, I was properly introduced. In those days, they gave you $1,500 the first month, and they trained you for two weeks on cars. I knew nothing about the car. Like, when you had that car and the axle fell off, you got rid of it because you're not a car guy. You're not going to get up on Saturdays and go to the store and find the piece from the 1966 converter.

It's just some people have that as a hobby. Those guys love that shit. Tim Allen, Jay Leno, Gabriel. I love them for that. I don't have that gift. So when I was introduced to the Subaru, I'm like, yeah, whatever. It's just another fucking car. And then I saw snowstorms, and I saw how people reacted to Subarus.

In Boulder, it's either Subaru or a fucking 4Runner. Yeah. That's it. I'm telling you, that's it. So, you know, once the snow drops, that September snowstorm, it's Subaru. Subaru's the first car that has an engine sideways. The engine isn't in, like, usual cars. That was the secret about Subaru.

The engine's sideways. I've seen a few engines like that. What do they call that? Inline? Inline. Is that what it is? Something like that. No, inline is straight, right?

That's like a BMW. They have a word for it. Subaru technology started there. And then when I started selling Subarus, they had a GL10. I was really impressed with it because what it let you do is if you went up Lee Hill Road, okay, and you made the left to go down into your property and there was snow, you could press a button and the shock absorbers would fill up and your car would rise above so you could go through the snow.

So all those little things. They had that way back then? 1988, 89, the GL10s. The only knock Subaru had was that if you had a stick, you couldn't keep your hand on it. You couldn't keep your hand on the stick. Right. So if I'm driving a stick, boom, I'm in two, two. I'm in three.

I got to get my hand off it. I could only, the clutch cable, that was the only knock they had. So the clutch cable would break? It would break if you kept your hand on it too long. Oh, I had one of those break on me once. Yes, so you have to go one, then two, then three, then four. I had it actually break on me twice. Once I got stuck in second gear and I managed to drive to a parking lot and get towed.

I had a 2005 or something like that, 2004, 2005 Porsche. It just kept breaking. And the thing that kept breaking was that thing with the clutch and also the fuel pump. See, that was a GL10 sedan. I'm talking about the wagon, the doodled up wagon was just a brilliant automobile. And then I started selling Toyotas. Those things are still on the road, too. They're still on the road, guys.

And this is what I'm saying about the American dollar. I like the Subaru because I respect what they do with the American dollar. What do they do? They give you a dollar's worth for a dollar. Oh, right. They really do. For the American who's really looking for a fucking car to last, I've gone into Douglas Toyota and have seen trucks with a half a million miles on them, on a Toyota truck.

That says a lot. When you're an American and you're a construction guy and you're putting in bids and blah, blah, blah. Do you know Matt Farah? Do I know him? From the Smoking Tire. Do you know that dude? No.

He's a big fan of yours. He loves comedy. He's got this great YouTube channel. It's all about cars. And they had a car, a Lexus, that they took to a million miles. He had a million mile Lexus. Now, who makes Lexus at the end of the day? Toyota.

What the fuck are we talking about? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I've had three Lexuses over the course of my life. Never had a single problem. Zero problems. They just work. They just work.. Zero problems. They just work. They just work. They always work.

They just work. All cars are so amazing now. It's like the bar is set so high that if you just get like a- Like if you get a Mustang GT, just a Mustang GT today, which is like very reasonable. Like I think a Ford Mustang GT, tell me how much one of those fucking things cost. But it's got performance that you couldn't even imagine 20 years ago

and it's probably under $50,000 it's probably $40,000 how much are those starts at $26,000 $26,000 is that for the regular Mustang or the GT I typed in GT but it says regular I think the regular one might have a six-cylinder.

I'm not sure. I think they still do that. I might be wrong about that. Premium Fastback starts at $39,000. Okay, and that's the one with the V8, right? That's the Coyote V8. It's a five-liter V8. Fucking wicked powerful, like 460 horsepower.

I mean, the power that you get with 40 000 45 000 today it's just insane they keep getting better and better and better it's like where are they going to go with these and the leases are great oh yeah the leases are great the leak the deals they're giving you now i mean a buddy of mine just bought a car and he got a point and a half uh whatever uh interest rate whatever you know for a point and a half mediocre credit it's a time to buy a car yeah get whatever the fuck you want all cars are good now that's the thing it's like you can't make a shitty car anymore like america went through a time period we just made dog shit cars and everybody knew that they broke and everybody was like look if you buy american cars you're gonna buy something that's going to cost the same amount, but it's not going to last as long.

And the Japanese just took it. The Germans, they just took it over. They took it over. And then Lee Iacocca brought it back with the K car. You know what's the most hilarious country that has the cars? My people. The Italians. Don't get me started.

They never made a single car that's reliable. Don't even get me started. Remember we had the conversation about my buddy who had the Italian car. He went crazy. I'm going to keep it in my roots. The car is still in his garage, bro. Rusty. Fucking the Bugatti or whatever the fuck it is.

Apparently the new ones you can drive. Like a new one, they're actually reliable. For two weeks? No, no, no. The new ones apparently. It's like everything else. They got to a point where they just had to have better electronics. Do you remember For two weeks? No, no, no. The new ones, apparently. It's like everything else. They got to a point where they just had to have better electronics. Do you remember the Triumph?

Yes, I do. The Triumph. We grew up on the Triumph, the thing by Volkswagen. I don't remember that one. The thing by Volkswagen. Was that their little van thing? It was a little van thing. There's like 10 left.

If you got a thing, somebody will give you a million dollars. Really? They had a Subaru made a car called the Justy. Oh, that's like 10 left. If you got a thing, somebody will give you a million dollars. Really? They had a, Subaru made a car called the Justy. Oh, that's it? That's the thing. Subaru made a car

called the Justy, a three-cylinder. Look at that thing. Just to compete with Hyundai. When Hyundai came out with the Muttmobile in 87,

Hyundai changed the game. Hyundai came out with the Astana or whatever that little four-door car is, $160,000, $150,000 down, $150,000 a month, busted the car industry. Subaru had to compete. Everybody had to drop to those tin cans just to compete.

There was a lot of people driving those Hyundais when they first came out because they were so cheap. A buddy of mine got one. $150,000, $150, $150 a month. Yeah. All day long. A buddy of mine got one. All day long. That I used to drive,

deliver papers with. And he was telling me, he's like, look, these fucking Koreans, man, when they get into something, they know what they're doing. Like,

if they're going to jump into the car market, that's a disciplined group of people. If they're going to jump into the car market, they're going to make a badass car.

Well, listen. They're very reliable. Mitsubishi, for example. Mitsubishi. People hate Mitsubishi. Americans. Why do they hate Mitsubishi? Because Mitsubishi made the parts that were in the Meg that the Americans went up against in World War II.

Oh, really? So if you try to sell a fucking. Those guys are all gone. Rest in peace. are all gone, rest in peace. But when you sold a car to a guy that did the reading on it, like there were certain Chryslers that had Mitsubishi parts on them. Ford had Mitsubishi parts on it because Mitsubishi is like the greatest,

biggest thing a car parts. Was it? So everybody has Mitsubishi parts on their car. Some belongs to Mitsubishi. So if you had a Mitsubishi, you were a bad person? No, no, no, no. So when most, some Americans,

old school veterans, you know those guys that wear the jackets with the hat, with the stuff. When they come to see a car, if you show them a Chrysler, a certain type of Chrysler, they go, nah, they got a Mitsubishi fucking tailpipe. That makes sense.

That's how pissed off they were. Of course. Because the Megs would shoot down the Americans or something. It was some historic thing. But then Mitsubishi got into the business. Mitsubishi busted along in like the 80s, the late 80s. They came out with that fucking car, the Eclipse. Remember the Eclipse?

I remember that. That little fucking car. I had a Mitsubishi at one point. I had a Starclipse? I remember that. Hot little fucking car. I had a Mitsubishi at one point. I had a Starion. You remember that? Yeah. I remember I had a Mitsubishi because they were cheap. You go into a Toyota place to buy a Toyota, you're a mutt.

You didn't pay the water bill. To speak to that, Dodge used to sell their version of the Starion. It was the Conquest. Dodge had the Conquest TSI, and it was their version of the starion it was the conquest dodge had the conquest tsi and it was their version of the star and it was the same car it was one of the rare times in history where two car companies have the exact same car the exact same car one was the conquest one was the starion that was it yes that red one right there looks exactly like my buddy jimmy ditellios yeah my buddy jimmy had one exactly like that when we were like 21 this is why it's very hard for a guy like

me to fall for fads especially for cars because i've seen a lot of fat i remember suzuki samurai how many motherfuckers killed the suzukiurai was like the scooter. You know these jerk-offs at the scooters today thinking that they're cool? The Suzuki Samurai came around and it started tipping over. The thing started tipping over. Well, people try to take corners with them as if it's like a sports car. The thing weighed eight pounds. I had friends tipping them over. They were made of fucking tin.

And they were $150 down, you know, $150 a month. And for fucking an extra $25, I had a guy with a fan. Because you would die in these things. People would die. What the fuck is that thing, James? They sell these in the studio city. What is it? It's an electric car that's like a one-seater.

It's a three-wheel, one-seater car. Electromechanica? Yeah, I don't know how to say it. I think that's it. Electra, yeah. Dad, it's crazy. And it's a one-person car. It's a three-wheel, one-seater car. Can you believe this? Electra Mechanica? Yeah, I don't know how to say it. I think that's it. Electra, yeah. Dad, it's crazy and it's a one-person car? Yeah, it's a Canadian

car maker. You know what's good about that car? Bro. It doubles as a casket. That's what's great about that fucking car that your family saves

10 G's by a casket. They just bury you in that fucking thing. But if you think about it, if you have to get around everywhere and it's just you most days

and something like this is cheap. What is the difference between being in that and being in a big truck with all that fucking empty space? Because you look like a fucking idiot in that fucking thing. You ever drive past one of these idiots and you're at a light and you actually look at them? And you're like, in his mind, he's thinking. He's the coolest guy in the fucking world. That guy thinks he's fucking Ricky Gervais. That is actually a cool looking one.

Look at that front hood scoop. Joe, that's a casket. Is that the headlight? No, it's a hood scoop. Is that their high beams? What is that? I don't know. I think it looks like headlights.

I think that's actually a real hood scoop for some strangers. There's a plastic piece over it. Yeah, what is that? Is that clear plastic over it? Is that what I'm looking at could be because it's inside but i don't know i'm so crazy that's like the rx-7 the rx-7 was a casket for two was it remember the mazda r7 yeah i fucking hated that car you know why though because i was coming home on january 1st and i was one of the first people on the site. And I was, I don't know, I don't want to say it,

I was tripping on something. I was on some type of drug, but I wasn't over the hill. I was still alert. And we were like maybe the third car there, and it was a Mazda that had hit a pole. Head on, and it was split down the middle all the way to the windshield, and I could hear the girl yelling. Oh, my God.

And we were there. The fire department came, ambulance, a couple heroes trying to get him out. He was dead on arrival. They saw the car, and that's why I don't like those little cars. They're caskets. That's the caskets. In those days, and after that, I never got an RX-7. My buddy the devil had an RX-7.

Were they the ones with the rotary engine? I don't know. Mazda has, there's a sports car company that uniquely has a rotary engine. It's a different kind of engine. It's not like cylinders. Is that it? Is Mazda? Yeah.

They got a different kind of engine, Joe. Mazda's a good car. Dude, I drove one of the more modern Mazdas in like 2000, maybe. No. No, it was like 90s. Okay, it was before I moved to California. See, look at that thing. That's how the engine works. Instead of having a bunch of pistons, it's got this big fucking thing in the middle of it.

I wish I understood engines to know why this is that different. Now, regular engines have pistons. Real car people must be going crazy right now. I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. It's been years. They don't know shit. So we're watching this video that says Mazda RX-7 rotary engine, how it works. And it's describing how it works in this very strange video where you're watching this thing

rolling around inside of an oval, it looks like, a big oval engine container. It's very different. But it's very fast. It was the one that this guy had. guess like i'm saying i think it's 93 or something like that it was really fast and it really uh handled really well too but it was a very light car these things are weird man like rotary engine that's weird like how come nobody else adopted that just but it looks like a badass watch, you know? See, I didn't have a car education.

But by selling cars in Boulder, I learned a lot. Now I forget that stuff. I'm not going to lie to you. Because the level of intelligence in Boulder from the university, when they would come in, remember, Boulder, at the end of the day, University of Colorado is where you're going to be an astronaut. You know that. Is that where it is? Like that's heavy duty Boulder. They have like a whole thing back there.

So those people move into town, between them and the Japanese that move there, they come to Subaru and they ask very intelligent questions. Completely different than a guy like you, me, or Jamie would ask. Are you saying we're dumb Yes compared to what he will compared to what they'd ask like what kind of questions you know Velocity this that this and I'd have to find these answers for them Because they were like astronauts I'd have to go in there was no was no computers in 88 like that I could go on.

So I'd have to go on a brochure and really go into it, and then they'd take the calculator out. Really? Those type of people. So that's why I remember learning as much as I could because they were so intelligent. When they'd come over, especially the Japanese guys, they couldn't speak that good english

but they would look at cars what's this what's the weight that's what's really amazing if you stop and think about the creation of cars and how they've evolved and they keep getting better for a long time they did it without the internet a long time some of the greatest cars ever created created pre-internet you know there's just think about all the various forms of sports cars and 911s all those different corvettes that came out all that shit was before the internet they were just looking at each other's pictures and looking at magazines and everyone was competing against each other to have the best handling car the best looking car best fuel efficiency things kept shifting over the years like for 10 years in america they didn't make anything good and for 10 years what were the what were the years it was the years from american muscle

cars when i say anything good i mean like something that like a muscle car lover other than the trans am the trans am is the exception to the rule trans am they made some you know those smoking the bandit cars that people to this day still want. That was in the 70s. But from the 1960s, like say 65-ish to like 70, America couldn't be touched. Those muscle cars were insane. They just kept pumping out cooler and cooler shapes.

What did Steve McQueen drive? He drove a 1968 fastback Mustang. Is that a bad motherfucker? Oh, yeah. How bad of a motherfucker is that car? Well, it's a beautiful car. The design is, the back end of a 68 Mustang is one of the most underrated forms in all of automotive design. That's a 68 Shelby.

That's different. That's a GT500. It's a totally different shape the shelby had a completely different set of rear taillights they had uh altered quite a bit about the shelby like the way it looks in the front end as well this regular 68 mustang it just has this beautiful like contoured rear end look at that look at that that green car that is that's like a real modern looking like updated version of it real pretty you know with a phenomenal deep green paint job but look how

good that rear looks that's what he drove that's what he drove motherfucker look at that that is americana baby look at the tail end of that fucking vehicle man with the chrome and the chrome bumpers and the red headlights and the black behind. Look at that fucking car, man. No seatbelt. Well, they had those ones around your waist. Yeah, like in the back. You had a waist belt.

No, there's no seatbelt in the back. You bounced around like a fucking rock back then. How many horsepower? Not that much. Not that much, man. A really powerful car back then had like 350 horsepower. Let's find out, what was the 1968 GT500? That was their most powerful one.

I'm going to imagine this had like 400 horsepower. Say 1968, just Shelby GT500 horsepower. 1968 Shelby GT. Because that was their, what they would do is they take it to carol shelby carol shelby would take the regular mustang just juice it the fuck up more power better handling better looks here 400 perfect yeah now who were they competing with like what was this is ford right yeah they were competing against the camaro at this point because they made a larger car and And the Corvette.

Sort of. The Corvette was like a little bit of a different category because it was a pure sports car where this car had back seats. So that's a 400 horsepower. So compared to the Mustang of today, the regular GT, forget about the new one. They have

a new GT500 that has like 760 horsepower. new gt500 goes zero to 60 in like three seconds it's a monster which one were they making for that movie that just came out that was it the ford verse ferrari oh for the lamans i don't know what it was for i think it was that about race car i didn't see it it was about it was shelby it was him making that car i think like they had oh really to make it or two days to me i don't i didn't see the movie well probably for the movie they can juice that up right i don't know the i don't i thought they were race cars though i didn't think they were like these kind of cars this is like a gt car oh hey i don't know i didn't see it oh yeah this is

the gt500 maybe that's what that was for yeah i think it's not even the gt500 i think it's the gt40 which is their race car i think because I'm pretty sure I saw it. I didn't see the movie. Yeah, I thought you would have known. I thought you might have saw it. I think it's a different GT. I think it's their actual race car race car. But the new one, Shelby has a new GT500.

It's a ridiculous car. It's faster around tracks than the new Corvette. They have a new Corvette, this crazy rear-engined uh mid-engined rather corvettes their newest corvette it's the best corvette ever and this gt500 is even faster than that it's bonkers right yeah gt40 yeah it's a different kind of car that's a car that's only for the racetrack these guys these you could buy a shelby gt500 today you walk out of a deal showroom hi hi do you know how to drive yes sir here's my license like you don't have to hardly know You could buy a Shelby GT500 today. You walk out of a dealer's showroom. Hi. Hi. Do you know how to drive?

Yes, sir. Here's my license. You don't have to hardly know shit. And they'll let you just drive home in one of the most preposterous automobiles ever offered to man. You can just go right into a Ford dealership. And if you have the, I'm going to say a Shelby GT500's $80,000. How much does that cost? But a brand new Shelby GT500.

Wait, I got to go pee real quick. You got to pee? Already? I'll have to drive. Okay. I'm getting old. How much does one of those cost? $72,900.

That's crazy. $760 horsepower. So for $72,000, $73,000, you can buy a car that is so fast. If you really can know that there's a difference between the speed of that and then the next car after that, the next car that's more powerful, you really should be in jail. It's kind of cool. It has a LCD changing cluster for your screens.

Well, a lot of cars are doing that now because they can get so much more information in front of you instead of just the standard gauges. But, dude, there's still something about them standard gauges. Did you see the Mustang electric car? Yes. Not bad. It's not bad at all. It's like a fat Mustang, right? Yeah.

It's interesting, right? They're using the Mustang name for other shit now. That's controversial. That could cause a problem. Why not just come up with another name? That's not a Mustang. You know that's not a Mustang. That's an SUV. Yeah, what about it makes it a Mustang if it's electric? Right. Why are you doing that? They're talking

about doing that with Corvette, too. Corvette could branch off and become a brand like Cadillac is. You know, Cadillac is a brand. It's, you know, it's synonymous with luxury. You think of Cadillacs, but it's a GM car. And if they decide to take the Corvette model and just make it a brand, and so have dope SUVs, like fast, racy racy suvs fast racy four-door sedans hey whatever sells cars man because did you see that tesla's now valued up as much as gm and ford

together combined yeah whoops guys fucking dummies he's a super genius just back off it's hilarious right yeah still going up today. Guy makes amazing cars. He makes amazing fucking cars. We're talking about Elon Musk. Tesla is worth more today than... What is it? What's the stock? GM and Ford.

It's over 500 now, but the market value is there combined. Yeah, and everybody was saying it was going to fall apart. I think it's a beautiful car, guys, but I got to give it more time. Especially the self-driving shit. My buddy has the... It's beautiful. He's got the electronic one. Which one? The one you plug in. Which one, though?

I don't know. Is it Tesla? Yeah, Tesla. Gorgeous. But he was telling me to go to San Diego. You've got to stop in Commerce City and plug it in for 20 minutes and sit there like a bump on a log. You do. There's just so many different charging places. I took an Uber a couple weeks ago.

I got into a car that was just amazing, that blew me away. A fucking Honda Accord Hybrid. So they're making everything. Accord, they make some nice Accords. Now, this car, you get in a Honda, you get in a Toyota sometimes. Not Toyota as much, but Mitsubishi. What's the other one? Hyundai.

When you close the door, there's a lightness in the metal. That's where you see the, you know, there's a lightness. Like, Duke, it closes a certain way. When I get in your fucking Porsche and I close it that's that makes a certain noise you know it's a distinct noise we've you uh you never been in my little tiny one i got a 1993 964 it's a real light car but the metal in it is so much thicker thicker any metal you've ever used i like all that when you at this door is like a chunk when you close the door chunk like you you could feel the weight to it you feel when

you tap the fenders too there's no give it's a different structure totally different so i was blown away even by the honda quad hybrid you know what we're playing paying for gas i mean it's just a great little car i'm looking at a couple different options i was in huntington beach you're thinking about going away from sub? Adding something to my collection just because. You need to get a Cadillac. I've always said you need a Cadillac. You should add a Cadillac a long time ago. You should be a Cadillac man.

That dude gave me a ride last week. I was in Huntington Beach and I took a special Uber, an Uber special. And it was that Cadillac. And he told me exactly how he got it what the scam is with them how to do it he has he hasn't had a problem the battery died and that's the that's their main knock the batteries that one day you wake up i gotta go to the communist i'll fucking choke you joe rogan i'll choke you i get in my subaru the battery's never dead i wonder if they're More reliable now

I don't know anything about them I've never owned one But I've rented a ton of them Fucking gorgeous That's a beautiful car And when you sit in it You're tight What model is that?

CTS That's a CTS CTS VE Is that what it is? Yes That's a beautiful fucking car man Look at that front end The design

It's just so It's so interesting It's like After I left here The last time Or the last two times A guy reached out and said he would give me one. You need a Cadillac. For $560 a month, at least.

Zero down. Take it. Joey, I want to see you strolling around in a Cadillac. I would love it. Bumping Biggie. I can't do it. Biggie, Biggie, Biggie. And the Subaru I love that I have.

But people are like, dog, why are you driving a lesbian car? People always say that to me. And it hurts my feelings. Like, why are you driving a lesbian car? Dog, it's not a lesbian car. It's a fucking Subaru, man. You love a reliable car. I respect that about you.

I want to get in the car and start it. I don't want to be in service. I don't think these things are unreliable anymore. You know, I got free service. You know, the warranties they give you now are fucking Volkswagen, which nobody buys. Look at that, Joey. What is that? That's a Cadillac.

Oh, that's fucking cool. CTSV. Look at that fucking car. Is that the coupe? I don't know. Is that a four-door? It's hard to tell because the picture's so dark. Yeah, there's four doors in that.

That's a four-door? Oh, no. That's two. That's two? Yeah. See that little rear door? Oh, no, that's two. That's two? Yeah, see that little rear window? That's not like a full window. Wow, that's a beautiful car, man. They make some killer,

you know what's a killer fucking car right now if you want an SUV? A Lincoln Navigator. The new one is insane. I wonder what happened to Lincoln. Are they still in business? They only make the Navigator and then they make one other,

one or two other luxury coupes, which are very nice. Lincoln made some beautiful cars when I was a kid. Their cars now are very nice. Gorgeous. Then they went away. The Lincoln Continental was big. They sold 10 million of those to limo drivers. Oh, yeah. Then they stopped production on them, so I didn't know what was going on with Lincoln Continental

They just tapped out You know what's the shit Is those 1965's with the suicide doors Come on son You know I'm never that bold I could not buy one of those cars You go rolling around in one of those 1965 Lincoln Continentals

With the suicide doors Like holy shit What did the Greenhorn drive Did he drive a Continental See what he drove in Continentals with the suicide doors. Like, holy shit. What did the Green Hornet drive? Did he drive a Continental? See what he drove, Jamie. The Green Hornet. He used to get out and open the door sideways for whatever his name was.

The Black Beauty. Chrysler Imperial Crown. A beautiful fucking vehicle. Let me see a picture of that. 1966 Chrysler. Look at that thing. We're looking at picture one, ladies and gentlemen. It looks like it has machine guns that poke out of the hood.

That was the Black Beauty. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. But I always like the way the doors open. Look at that thing. That's the car? What a fucking car. Who made that one? No, that's a Resto mod.

Yeah. Oh, is that the new Green Hornet? Oh, the new one. That was the new one with Seth Rogen, right? Yeah. I didn't see that one. No, I want to know the one with Bruce Lee drove. Look at that one.

Look at that one. People don't understand. We're a little too young for it but people don't understand what an impact bruce lee had when he was doing the green hornet when people saw him do martial arts moves the way he did on screen like people wanted to i mean you have to think about how many people would watch a tv show back then like if you had a tv show there's only like three different things to watch right like if you had a tv, you had the entire country watching one of three things. And if you had a big show like the Green Hornet was.

The Green Hornet aired on Sunday nights. So it was like stealing. Yeah, everyone told them. You either had Lawrence Welk on fucking Channel 7 on ABC. Look at these things. Look at that. You didn't see this. Look at that guy drop.

And he just traumatized NBC. NBC was traumatized. They only did six episodes. Look how bad their fucking fight scenes are. Look at these white guys faking punches. Oh, my God. It's hilarious to see old old school, bad TV, like fight acting.

Like when you know the punch didn't hit him and the hair goes flying. It's so weird, especially because we're not playing any of the volume. So we're just watching it. So when you're watching with no volume, you get to really see how preposterous it is. How many, how many TV shows did that guy do?

No, that Spanish dude did about a thousand episodes of different TV shows did that guy do? Bruce Lee? No, that Spanish dude did about a thousand episodes of different TV shows from the late 60s all through the 70s. Who is he? I don't know. He's the guy that was starring right there, right there? Yeah, that guy. That guy was, you know, character

actors were like fucking so huge back then. But Bruce Lee came on Sunday nights. I still remember driving back from Miami with my family and being pissed because I missed Bruce Lee. Then they canceled it. You didn't see

nothing about Bruce Lee again, bro. How long was it between that and the big movies? It was about a year and a half that Kung Fu movies were mainstream. Five Fingers of Death came out. No, the, mainstream. Five Fingers of Death came out. No, yeah, Five Fingers of Death. It was all about the iron palm technique.

The guy would look at you and his palm would turn pink. Wee, kung fu, kung fu, kung fu. And that started with that. And then Fist of Fury came out. But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I went to see Fist of Fury in the movie. I don't remember. When Chinese Connection came out, that's what changed the ballgame. But see, it pisses me off today, you know, when I see fucking people 20 years old talking about the impact of Bruce Lee or whatever.

First off, let's get this straight. Bruce Lee was a tough guy, but he wasn't going to beat Muhammad Ali. That was so silly. Okay, he wasn't going to beat Muhammad Ali. He was, you know, whatever. Bruce Lee meant that the little guy had hope. Bruce Lee gave the immigrant hope. You know, that's what all these guys

thought. Well, Bruce Lee fucking, it changed everybody. He put a little bounce in the step. He changed martial arts. He changed martial arts, but he gave you hope. The movie theaters were packed. Martial arts schools were packed. Black people were going crazy because nobody sucked it anymore. Did you see Dolomite yet?

No, I still haven't seen it. No, again, you know, you got to watch these shits if I'm going to come on the show. Because when Dolomite, did you see it? The new one. You mean the new one? I saw the movie way more. First of all, our boy stole the show. Our boy, the dude who you were going to fuck in MMA.

Oh, Wesley Snipes? Stole the fucking movie, okay? Bad motherfucker. He's a bad motherfucker. Bad motherfucker. I'm sick and tired of these people going, well, what happened to him? Nothing happened to him. Well, David Tell.

What happened to David Tell? David Tell is getting stronger every week while you're looking at some fucking idiot jumping up and down on Netflix. David Tell is getting stronger and stronger. When you go see David Tell, it's like people going crazy right now about uncut gems. Adam Sandler's been around for 30 years. He's got something for your ass it may not be goofy jumping up and down and wetting you

but when he did, have you seen him come to your house? I heard it's great just go for him, to cheer him on to go, you know what, thank God because people think that we're like fucking mooks as comics I'll hit you from fucking 90 different directions you could just act, bitch

we could do it all. And when we get 30 years under our belt, we become weapons. Like Jimmy Smith. Like all these people that have been doing it for 30 plus fucking years. Eventually, you're going to get fucking good at it. Yeah. So,

you know, I still didn't see the Tarantino movie. I saw the Joker. Tarantino movie's amazing. I saw. I won't say it out of disrespect forino movie. I saw the Joker. Tarantino movie's amazing. I won't say it out of disrespect for Bruce Lee. I saw the Joker. I just don't even want to go there with nobody. I'm not in the mood. If he didn't fucking live through it, I don't want to hear his fucking take on it.

It doesn't make sense. It disrespected Shannon, so it means it disrespected me. You disrespected my fucking pal, and now you know. I don't even know Shannon Lee. But if a bunch of these people got fired up. I watched The Joker. I liked it. The Joker was intense.

I liked The Joker. It was intense. I saw Uncut Gems during the break. I went to Christmas night. My fucking girls went to sleep so I slid over to the Lemley. Ate three edibles and my heart was beating with that fucker because that movie, Joey Diaz, 83 to 84.

Whatever you want to do, we're going to do. What do you want to do? Joe Rogan, listen, I got something coming next week. Let me get 20 G's till next week. There ain't no next week. Jamie, don't say nothing to Rogan. I need 10 to fucking put this number in. And it just goes.

Think of your life from there. You're borrowing from Peter the Paypal, and then you're telling Jesus to suck your dick. It's nonstop. I went to see. A lot of people like that. People were like, don't get high and go see it. Fuck you. I'm going deep to go see it.

I prepared like at 8 o'clock. Who's in that? Huh? Who's in it? Just Adam Sandler and a bunch of fucking whatevers. It's just a movie. Oh, the basketball player that you don't know. Kevin Garnett.

Okay. And it's nonstop. So it's mostly Sandler. And it's Sandler bumping into, oh, what happened to my 30? Oh, wow. I'll catch you next week. I got to go. Yeah, you motherfucker.

You know, it's fucking constant. It's, you know, that life. And then it's an Academy Award winner. I don't fucking know. You know, I took it home. I wore it for a couple days. It's okay. There's anything in the fucking Academy Award winner anymore.

I watched The Irishman. You didn't see it yet either. So, again, you go skiing for three hours What are you doing on these flights? You look at Ian Edwards Wait for him to go to sleep Then you go to sleep You're fucked

That's when I watch these three hour movies I can't watch them at home I got a seven year old So you watch them on flights? On flights I try to write Sometimes I've come up with some of my best bits While writing No, no, no

That's after the movie But it's a five hour and 51 minute flight That's true So I usually do a little, you know, I listen to music I get tuned up, I eat whatever they give me I fucking put the movie on And I got the notebook right on the iPad So if something comes to me, you tighten it up

And then you got the whole night that night in your hotel room But no, I like the Irishman. Do you write on your iPad? Yeah, lately. Do you write on the screen, or do you have one of those detachable keyboards? I have the keyboard with the screen, and I just type like I'm usually. So that's why I put the final product now. So now I have a notebook still where I fuck around, put different stupid ideas.

And then once the joke works, I put it on the iPad now, and now I can add tags to it. Oh, okay. It's not like I used to before, so now I have it. But you're just typing on the iPad screen, just like a phone, right? You don't have a keyboard that you attach to it? No, I have a keyboard. Oh, you have a separate keyboard?

It closes, yeah. Oh, okay. So I have the Apple one with the big screen. Yes, okay. It saved my life. It's the best thing that ever happened. When you do that, it's basically like a little laptop. Listen to me.

No Twitter, no Facebook, no nothing. I got YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, and that writing app. That's it. That's for the hotel room. That's good for your head. Friday night, nobody fucking. If you Facebook me on Friday night and I'm on the road, you got to suck my dick. Twitter, the same thing.

I don't want to look at it on the road. That's a distraction. So on the road, I don't want to do podcasts. I don't want to do nothing. I want to lift a little bit, maybe go to a fucking local kickboxing school and do a workout, but I want to focus on that riding. Not six hours worth. I ain't no fucking Hemingway.

Just to make little adjustments from the night before. That's it. Well, you know, you got this time when you're on the road, and you can use it in a way that's going to help you. It can be beneficial. Or you can just use it. One of two things, right? You got to figure out, like, what's optimal for you when you're on the road

for me i always have better sets when i work out you have to work out always you have to work i don't like that weird fog that i feel when i fly into somewhere and then i just like get ready for the show i'm like god's fucking there's something about like it's hard to get everything going but if you just get on an elliptical machine for 20 minutes, just listen to some good music, and just say, there's no option. You have to do this. Just fucking do this. Once 10 minutes gets going, then you're sweating, you're having a good time. Then you're fine.

Then you're good for 40 minutes or more. We've been friends for 23 years. You've been taking me on the road for 20 of those years. We could not do what we were doing 20 years on the road today. Not because I'm not calling you out. Because you have children. You have a wife. You have a thousand other responsibilities.

So Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Yeah, you can't do those shows anymore. Around. And Sunday's out too. Sunday's out too. It's also, it's like, you can get a lot out of that when you're in those early stages like we were. When we were learning how to do the road. There's a lot you get out of those Wednesday through Sunday weekends, weeks.

You know why? Because by Friday, you want to stab yourself in the throat from saying the same jokes. So you wake up Saturday morning and you run like a motherfucker. Yeah. Because Saturday, you got three shows. Remember, we went through this three-show pattern. You were the one that said to me, we're not doing midnights no more. It's not worth it.

It's the law of diminishing returns. You don't even know a joke you fucking said by midnight. Even if you stayed sober, you didn't smoke then. We were sober as judges. You still, you're like, did I fucking say this bit? So that's just a burnout. That's the law of diminishing returns. Sundays.

People are tired. They don't have the same reaction on Sundays. You and I were never tired then, but there was no children involved. There was no serious girlfriends involved. There was no podcast wasn't involved. There was a lot of different things. Now my schedule has to be this. You want me to tell you something?

I could fucking take the Friday flight to L.A. I could take the Friday six-hour flight at 6 a.m., land in Kennedy at 2, and be at Town Hall ready to go at 8. But do I really want to do that? Do I need to do that? No. So I'll take the 6 a.m. on Thursday, get to New York at 2, take a little nap. At 4, go downstairs, do the elliptical, get to 5 pounds, shadow box for 10 minutes, because there ain't nothing better for you than shadow boxing. Breaks a tremendous sweat, a couple of upper jabs. You go upstairs. You're also moving.

You're banging out in the shower. You get yourself up, and you go for a nice steak. And you get to see the town. And then I do what I learned from my brother Joe Rogan. You leave a fucking huge tip. So when they go out for employee night, the word gets out that Joe Rogan in town Friday morning, you wake up, the show's sold out.

How do you have to go do radio? You know what I'm saying? That's the plan. And then you get up Friday and you go to a local kickboxing school. How cool is that? And they're looking at you like, Mr. Rogan, are you sure? Yeah, I'm doing the class. I want to meet a few people.

You get more out of that than anything. They talk to you. They bust your balls a little bit, but then you get an Uber set to pick you up, and you go back to the hotel, and you actually got out, and you were social before the show. Now I could go back to that hotel room and sit in there for six hours and dig it. You write for one.

You throw an episode of The Sopranos on for one. You throw an episode of something else. Then you go back to writing. Maybe you take a nap, take a nice 20-minute shower, do a 7 o'clock show. In case you sell out, you do the second show. But if not, you're back in your room at 10.30. Little room service. You throw on a movie you haven't seen.

You eat an edible. You're up at 5. You're at the airport at 6. You're back at LAX at 9. I want to see this documentary. Sounds perfect. That's what works for me now for me to be most effective. You know, I could be a Gavone and go out there on Wednesdays,

but by Saturday, I'm not going to be a good comic. Yeah, I think we still put in the reps and put in the reps in town. It's just about reps, you know, as many reps as you can get. The thing about the road when you're doing those Wednesday through Sundays is that you're getting long reps. You're getting, like, hour sets every show. Which is great, too. I mean, I'm not, I think, for me, as where we're at now, I want to give them 150% every show. Last night I went to the comedy store

and I got two dick suckings right out of the way. I mean, I sucked a bag of dick in the main room and then I took that same one in the original room and sucked another bag of dicks. But I wanted to try new material. See, I was failing in the past. I was going to all these other clubs and going, let me not try shit at the comedy store.

Listen, you bring everything to the chapel at the comedy store and let the pieces fall where they may. It's 15 to get in. You do know that. And they're going to see 22 comics. And they're going to see 22 comics that headline all over the world. So suck my dick. I'm going to go up there and give you 150%. But I'm going to go up there and try new shit.

Last night I was talking about that. We've all as men at one time or another me too'd somebody. That's how you learn not to be a me too-er is by me too-ing somebody one time. And then you go, that wasn't right. And then I'll never me too again. That's a weird adjective. Oh, and I started out with it. I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt.

Is that an adverb? What is that? Me too-ing. Is it a verb? Started out with it. I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt. I might as well go out there with a clay cup. Is that an adverb? What is that? Me too-ing. Is it a verb? Yeah. If you me too somebody? It has to be an adverb, yeah.

It's like a. Yeah. The only way you learn how to me. The only way you learn how to not be a me too-er is by me too-ing. You shoplifted a candy when you were a kid, right? Yes. And your mother told you smack me because that's not right. Same thing with Me Too.

This L.A. is a fucking, Me Too was invented here. They fucked Marilyn Monroe to death. They fucked her to death. Her vaginal thing looked like fucking that fucking embassy in Tehran, whatever they bombed. What was that famous Fatty Arbuckle case where there was a- It's just disgusting people out here yeah this is you know between the bickrom documentary did you see that one i didn't see that filthy fucking animal getting women to suck that fucking 90 degree weather six yoga session

dick that's just cruelty to animals you could put you in jail for just sucking that dick. You know, Harvey, all that shit happens here. But as us, as men, we've all metooed somebody when you were a kid by mistake. To me, I was in love with this lady named Faye. She was 37, had big juicy tits. She'd wear hot pants. I was about 14. I had never even seen a vagina, no titties, nothing. And we used to play basketball, and our two dogs were blind.

She had French poodles, and she had flip-flops, and she'd cross the street, and she was so hot. She was 38, and she had a husband that was like 60. He would just barely be alive, like that dude from Texas that was fucking J. Howard Marshall. And he would watch her because he knew we were savages. We were going to take her down. She had two daughters

and the daughters were badass but one of my goombas dated one of the daughters. I never told him. Every time I played basketball, Faye would come out and the game

would just stop and she'd turn for us and the sun would shine through her halter. Remember halter tops from the 70s and she had real yummy titties with the nipples sticking up. And it drove me crazy.

I was 13, 14. I lived through that. I'd see her in the winter with pants on. She looked delicious. And finally, summer of fucking 79, I'm getting all fucked up with some friends of mine. And we're drinking fucking nips. We snorted some angel dust.

And we're listening to Led Zeppelin 2. If you're going to fuck anybody, Led Zeppelin 2 is the album to get you. It starts off with a whole lot of love. That just gets your hips moving. And then it goes into the Lemon song. And he's talking about squeeze me, baby, till the juice runs down my leg. I'm like, that's

it. The juice is running down my leg tonight. My mother was a flower chick. She had flowers everywhere. I put on like a shirt. I'm like, that's it. The juice is running down my leg tonight. My mother was a flower chick. She had flowers everywhere. I put on like a shirt. I swear to God, it had to be about 10 because she would walk the dog at night but the husband was 60. How old were you at the time? 15. The dog would sleep. The husband would pass

out by 8. So she would take the dogs out for the 10 o'clock. The last, she would put them down and they were kind of blind French poodles, and she would still wear the fucking tighty-whities, you know, the Dixie Dukes, Daisy Dukes. This was in the 70s before Daisy even was invented. She already had the daisy on with the shirt,

and I remember being on that Angel Does Hide in the Weeds, like fucking, like fucking, and with the flowers. I had flowers for her. I was going to bring her flowers. But my plan was to attack her. Like, just jump her in the thing, throw her down, and get with the flowers. This is how crazy I was. You were going to attack her.

Like, I couldn't take it no more. Like, I wanted to marry her. Like, that's how fucked up I was. And you were on angel dust. And I was on angel dust. It was whatever. T, C, crystal. Call it what you Like, that's how fucked up I was. And you were on Angel Dust. And I was on Angel Dust. It was whatever, TNC Crystal, call it what you want. It's animal tranquilizer, no matter how you look at it. And I remember that I ran up on her, and she turned.

And she goes, Coco, what's going on? And I go, and I just stopped, and I go, Faye, I'm in love with you. And she's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, Faye, I've been in love with you for two years. I want to run off with you. Fuck my mother. I'm like, let's get a job. Let's leave. Wow. And she's looking at me like I was retarded. First of all, she's looking at me like this

kid is fucking snapped. And she goes, you've been drinking. I'm like, I still love you. Take the flowers. And she goes, I'll tell you what, if I divorce my husband, I'll consider it. And I was like, okay, I can live with that. Can I give you a kiss? And I kissed her on the cheek, and I could feel the heat going up my head. And finally, as I went to turn away, I looked at her legs. She had the juiciest legs in the world.

I go, can I touch your thigh? And she goes, go ahead. And I touched like her kneecap. And my dick just exploded like sperm. I ran away like Steven Seagal. You ever see Steven Seagal run? He runs like a fucking retard. Put that little limp.

You ever see Steven Seagal run? There's a couple. You ever see him run? He runs very strange. He's very tall. What's the first one he did? That's really good. Above the law. Look at him. Look at how he runs.

He runs like a fucking retard. Look at him. Look at him. Can you imagine? He's just built odd. He's just really tall. He does run a little loose with the hands, which is kind of confusing. Which one was this one? That's above the law.

I think it's cutting all the time. Oh, it's a bunch of different movies now because now he's got more hair. Right, because people goof on him because of the way he runs. He was married to Kelly LeBrock, dog, at one time. Dude, at one time, he was the man. How many times did I jerk off to Kelly LeBrock in Woman in Red when Gene Wilder calls for her? This is what it is. His steps are too short and his wrists flip around.

Because he's used to doing Aikido, right? He's used to, like, everything's, like, flowing. Please don't protect him with the Aikido. I'm just saying. That's what it is. He runs like I have a fruitcake. Don't throw Aikido in there. Those Japanese people worked 3,000 years to put Aikido on the map,

and now you're going to set them back. That poor Aikido on the map and now you're gonna set them back. That poor Aikido school in Burbank has moved eight times. They keep losing students. They're down to two students wearing a schmuck

and a fucking sword. Who's gonna go for Aikido lessons now? Someone who doesn't really want to fight and you want to be able to passively

get someone away from you which is not realistic. But the sword part. The sword part could come up if shit hits the fan. If we go back and, you know, if we get knocked into the Stone Age for a nuclear war with Russia. Why are you giving me this here beat?

No, I need to join again. No. I need to learn how to dodge sticks. Yeah, they moved. They're in Burbank. And I thought about, when I was a kid, I went to Aikido for about two weeks.

It's probably fun. The guy's name was Richard Bowe. He was supposed to be a big time in Guttenberg, New Jersey. And he taught all that deflection stuff. But Steven Seagal in Above the Law took it to a different level. That throat slam. Oh, yeah. He's got the deflection throat slam.

That's fucking beautiful. I had a meeting with a guy in a movie. There was this, like, my agent sent me in to meet with this guy. They were looking for someone to do, like, a Steven Seagal-type movie. They were going to try to create an action star. And we actually had, like, an argument about this movie. That move right there. But the best one.

Oh, that pulls his throat out. Yeah, that's when it got carried away. That's when he just went over the top. Oh, that's hilarious. But in the first movie, and above the law, and the one when he fucked up the Jamaicans. Oh, yeah. Which one was that? With swords.

That sword fight. And then hard to kill. That's the one that pissed me off because whoa you're in a coma for four years and two days two days later you're throwing side kicks yeah and he's putting like yeah acupuncture needles all over himself he fixes himself jesus christ jesus christ you know i loved it i know i loved it too i loved him. I loved it, too. I loved it, too. I loved it, too. The thing about him, man, is I think in that first movie, it was one of the more unique martial arts movies. Like, Above the Law, it's almost a shame that he made a bunch of movies that weren't as good. Because if you go back to Above the Law, in terms of martial arts history,

and Above the Law is a legitimate historical movie in terms of martial arts movies because it was the first movie where you got to see a real aikido practitioner with a hybridized system of martial arts like he was doing aikido but he was also throwing a lot of punches and knife hand strikes and a lot of strikes. It wasn't just. See if they showed the bodega scene in Above the Law. But just play this out. That's the bad. Oh, yeah. All this out.

This guy. Look, all the bullshit. I mean, I've made fun of him as much as anybody. But listen, his Aikido skills were very legit. He was very legit. Whether or not that stuff's real or not, that's a subject for debate. Whether or not it's really effective when you look at other things like wrestling and jiu-jitsu. Is it the most effective way to grow out? Or judo? Is it the most effective way? No, it's not. But no one knew that back then. And he, at the time, in the 1980s and 90s, was a world-class martial artist. He just had a style that ultimately didn't really prove to be the best style. But so did I. I was doing Taekwondo.

No, no, no. This is hard to kill. A lot of people were doing Kung Fu. A lot of people were doing things that they thought were legit. But they really, once the UFC came around, we found out, oh, this is not the best way to do it. Now, this is 87. There's a kid in this scene that was just in a movie with Clint Eastwood

and Demille. He's been doing movies for fucking 30 years. I can't right now. That dude with the tattoos, how many fucking movies has he been a bad guy in? Right there, the second guy. Oh my God, that guy's in every fucking bad guy movie. Every movie. He's great. Who is he?

What's his name? He used to live in Vegas, I heard. He had a restaurant in Vegas. I'm not even sure. I love a good shitty drama. A good shitty cop drama. I love going back and watching some 1990s cop dramas. They're fun. Kojak.

Oh, Kojak. I remember Kojak. With the lollipop at the end. How about Beretta? Beretta. How about that fucking... You know which one was good, bro, that they got to bring back? What?

Wiseguy. What was Wiseguy? The good-looking dude with the fucking... He was undercover with the mafia, but he really was a cop from the CIA. Like a Donnie Brasco type situation? He was a really good looking dude. Really a good looking dude. This is it right here?

He fucked people up. No, this is a movie. Wise guy. It was a TV series. What was his name? Robert Wall. Robert. Good looking dude.

He came out with Paul Newman and Fort Apache, the Bronx. Oh. Wise guy, the TV series. What am I looking at here, Jamie? Oh, that guy. I remember that guy. Yeah, you remember that dude. Fuck.

Who was that dude? Does it say? No. Not there. See, go to just a regular search of it instead of watching the video of it. Who was that dude? Does it say? Nope. Not there. See, go to just a regular search of it instead of watching the video of it. That's right. There were so many of these. Remember Wings?

Wings. And Jan Michael Vincent was in Wings. Was he? Sure. That's the one that put him on all the time. Wings was the TV show. On NBC. Right?

Yeah. Jan Michael Vincent wasn't. Wings was the TV show. On NBC. Right? Yeah. Jan Michael Vincent wasn't in Wings. Jan Michael Vincent was in some show about, fuck, Ken Wall. Ken Wall. Jan Michael Vincent was in some movie about, a TV show about pilots in the air that hunted you down on CBS. That's when he went fucking. That's when he went crazy? That's when he went crazy. Well, when he went crazy? That's when he went crazy.

Well, he went crazy like straight from the mechanic. I think it was fame that probably did that guy in, right? Fame and drugs? No, it was alcoholism. The alcoholism. But a lot of that was probably to do with fame. Airwolf. Airwolf.

Yeah. Four seasons. Yeah. Four seasons. That guy in The Mechanic, if you go back to the original Charles Bronson version of The Mechanic, he was slated to be the next big superstar. Right? He did a movie for Disney with Kurt Russell called The World's Greatest Athlete.

And right there, he fucked things up. He was a Disney guy first. You don't remember The World's Greatest Athlete? He went to pick up the weights, and his arms stretched. Him and fucking, that was his first movie. It was a Disney movie. And then he went on to become Jan Michael and the mechanic. Yeah, look at him, dog. He was handsome.

Dog, he was the first Brad Pitt. He was. Look how gripped he is, too. He was the original Brad Pitt. Look at this science fiction where he's out sprinting black guys. This is a science fiction movie. This is a science fiction movie. Well, this is why he was the world's greatest athlete.

With beautiful hair, this white guy is out sprinting. Everyone else looks like they're straight out of Jamaica, right out of the Jamaican track team. This is a ridiculous film. Look how much further he is ahead than those guys who you know would beat him in a real race. Even the black people cheering for him. Even the brothers are cheering for him.

He did look fucking fantastic back then, though. Like, look what kind of shape that guy was in. Look at the guy from Good Times, Howard. This is a great movie. This is one of his first movies that blew him up. Then he got The Mechanic and fucking...

That's how they're killing people today. How about Good Times? The TV show? Remember that fucking show? I saw her in an audition about 15 years ago. Luanda, the neighbor. I told her I fucking loved you when I was a kid. Oh, that's awesome.

And she still looked good. She was the neighbor lady, not the skinny daughter. Pull up the cast of Good Times. Pull up the cast of Good Times. Dude, this show, J.J. Walker, still to this day, is known for one saying, dynamite. And he won't say it unless you give him three grand. He's probably so tired of it. A lot of clubs are giving him $1,500 a week, and he's like, you want me to say dynamite? Yeah, but give me the names of everybody.

Just go to all. Yeah. Look at that fucking show. 1974, first episode. This was a show like every. That was interesting, right? It was because. Janet Jackson as a little girl.

There was quite a few, even though there wasn't that many television shows, there was quite a few big name black shows sanford and son good times the jeffersons like during that era even though there weren't that many tv shows there was quite a few basketball show oh the white shadow tremendous yeah the white shadow tremendous yeah i forgot about that show tremendous Tremendous. Yeah. Dude, to this day, Sanford and Son is one of the best sitcoms of all time. There's some fucking episodes of Sanford and Son that I'll listen to, or I'll watch, rather, to this day, and I'll still laugh at Redd Foxx. So fucking raw, and I wish network television would look at that and go, it's time for us to take the sticks out of our ass again.

They can't. They're stuck. Well, somebody has to do it first. It's just going to be their own demise. We're comedians. You're a comedian. I'm a comedian. I try real hard.

This was our early education. This couldn't have been a better education than watching. And here we're watching, remember, we're watching Paul Mooney write these lines. Paul Mooney was one of the writers on this. So we had Richard Pryor on one hand, but then you had this sick fuck. He hated Puerto Ricans. I don't want no Puerto Ricans in my house. He hated Julio the neighbor. He hated Julio the neighbor.

He hated Julio the neighbor. This was Friday nights, and then it was followed by Chico and the Man at 830. Freddie Prinze. CBS had their answer of Archie Bunker, which will never happen again. Every year they try to do a different Archie Bunker. They're never going to do it because it's not coming from the heart yeah they can't sell it like he did that he does a scene when when he when Sammy Davis Jr has to kiss him like there's a scene of fucking when Sammy Davis what was the actor's name again? Carol. Carol O'Connor. Carol O'Connor. Carol O'Connor.

He grabbed Carol O'Connor and kissed him in the fucking lips. That, you know, so many different, yeah, right here, all this shit. You know what's crazy? Carol O'Connor was like a great actor, an actor for his whole life. But he's known for sure more than anything for being Archie Bunker. Right here, look at his face. Yeah, like it was supposed to be funny that Archie Bunker was racist. And by the way, just for the record, everybody always thought he was a black Jew.

You better throw Cuban in there too. His mother was Cuban, Sammy Davis Jr. Really? Yeah, his mother was Cuban, Afro-Cuban. Now, look at everyone laughing at him because Sammy Davis Jr. kissed him and he freaked out. Look at everyone laughing at him. You could, like, gay jokes, black jokes, white jokes, Puerto Rican jokes. They talk shit about everybody on that show

you go back in tv now 10 years and you're gonna see the difference you go back and film and there's some films that right off the start they're offensive oh yeah today's world they're very offensive i just saw something that was on like regular tv and me and my wife was like this wouldn't fly today it was just something that was on like at TV and me and my wife would think this wouldn't fly today. It was just something that was on like at nine o'clock. It wouldn't fly. Well, what about Ace Ventura Pet Detective?

It was all about a guy who's trans. A guy who was pretend, it was cross-dressing at the very least, like pretending to be a girl, but it turns out to be a guy the whole time. And everyone's disgusted because they, they, they kissed him thinking it was a girl but it turns out to be a guy the whole time and everyone's disgusted because they they they kissed him thinking it was a girl so everyone's throwing up and like you would never be able to do that today it would be transphobic people would freak out do you remember that no there's that pretty lady who was in a bunch of movies back then but then just like went off the rails sean young do you remember her she was in blade runner she was the beautiful young robot in blade runner she was in a bunch of movies man but then she just went off the rails she she's one of those jen michael vinson

type characters for a bit i think well just the pressure of it all was just too much so this is the scene at the end of it. Is that Courtney Cox with the gun? Yeah. And there's Sean Young. That's that lady. And so we find out in this scene that he's really or she's really a guy. Or I don't get it.

Or she's. How do you say it today? Back then you would say it's a guy pretending to be a girl but you don't say that anymore. Now you say what? She's trans?

But we're supposed to believe that she's got a giant hog under there. Where's the scene? Is this dude forever? Yeah, he's got to lead up to it. He's explaining everything to them. So he tells them all that that's a guy.

So this is like some bad guy that they've been looking for. He's the famous kicker from the Miami Dolphins. That's right. Ray Finkel. Oh, that's a guy So this is like some bad guy That they've been looking for He's the famous kicker from Miami Dolphins That's right That's right And he's angry because he fucked up Yeah all these cops know about this One game

Yeah Boom There's the part So she's supposed to have it tucked in right there. Right. Or something. And they all flip around. And Tone looks in there too. There's Captain Winky.

Now he's going to turn her around so everybody can see that she's got a hog. Turn her around. No, excuse me for a minute. What happens here? Yeah, because it's the big reveal. There it is. Look at them all throw up. Everyone's throwing up.

Tone Loke is cleaning his tongue up. The dolphin's throwing up. Everyone's throwing up because they saw a woman with a dick. So let me ask you a question. A couple weeks ago, Disney Plus permitted. Two days later, people were throwing fits. What do you want them to do? To go back and take all this shit out?

These are all movies. Well, that's a good question. Is that what you want? Do you ever go to Disneyland? Yes. You know that one ride? What is it? Splash Mountain?

Yes. That Splash Mountain ride is based on a movie that you can't even watch anymore. It was a really racist movie. Well, Disney was racist, was he not? I don't know. Somebody said Disney. I don't know. I don't have time to fucking go through this shit.

Splash Mountain was, this is called the Song of the South. That was the movie. And from what year is that, Jamie? 1946. 1946. the song of the south that was the movie and from what year is that jamie uh 1946 1946 bro the people were different animals back dog we're not even the same species what about the lady who sang the national anthem at the yankees somebody found out that 30 years before that you didn't know about that no you gotta look this up. She sang songs that were like totally racist, like spooky, get out of town.

Like shit like this. Please, look it up. She sang the National Anthem? Right now. Two ball fields took her version of the National Anthem down. You had to read this shit. Kate Smith's God Bless America out at Yankee Stadium over racist songs.

Listen to the song she sang. Who's Kate Smith? Some fucking fat chick from 1920. 1931 song? Yeah, that's why darkies were born. Wait a minute. She sang this in 1931? Yeah.

How old is this bitch? Is she still alive? It's like the recording of God Bless America from back then. That they used to just play during the middle of the thing. Right, she sang that, but when did she... When did she record it? 1930-something. But when did she sing the national anthem? No, no. It's the God Bless America is what they're talking

about here. Okay, but when did she sing God Bless America? 1929, 1930-something? I don't know, back then. But she also sang a song called That's Why Darkies Were Born. I was confused. I was thinking you were saying that she sang it at the stadium. Listen to the lyrics.

Someone had to pick cotton. Someone had to pick the corn. Someone had to be a slave, and somebody had to sing. That's Why Darkies Were Born. Oof. That, you know. I mean, all these things. The song, which has been called a satirical take

on racism was a big hit for smith and also was recorded by paul robeson so she wrote and sang god bless america so the version that you would hear like god she sang it so that recorded it so the version that you would hear would be back then. Right. See, that's why shit gets weird. There's been a lot of great people over the years that have had some horrible ideas. So you have to wonder, like, if we just cut out the guy. I mean, how many different people who have invented incredible

things we use all the time we're also really shitty human beings like you know about that fritz hobart guy the guy that uh he created this ability to this method to extract nitrogen from the atmosphere and then you use it as fertilizer because the air apparently you think of the air as oxygen it's not most of what you're breathing in most of what our air is is 80 i think it's like 80 something percent nitrogen and so this guy figured out a way how to extract nitrogen from the air because that population boomed because we had more food because they could they could lay down more more fertilizer he did something good yeah but he also invented gas. He was the first

guy to propose and implement a poison gas strategy against Europe. When they were, when the UK and when the, whatever the whole group in, I guess it was, was that World War I or II

where they did that? I want to say it's II, right? Is it II? Yeah. Whatever war it was in, they were the first people to get, so this guy who had created the Haber method for extracting nitrogen at the same time was wanted for war crimes because he figured out how to gas the enemy. And he was working for the Nazis and he was a Jew. The whole thing is crazy.

It gets even crazier. They eventually start imprisoning Jews and kick them out of the country. And he's still there. And so he eventually winds up leaving. His tale is fucking crazy. But that guy also invented the same gas they use to gas the Jews in concentration camps. He invented it, but he invented it with a smell to it so you could detect it. And they were going to use it as like, I think it was a pesticide or something like that.

You're talking about a monster. I thought you were talking about like John Lennon. He wrote Benny and the Jets, but he smacked Yoko. You know what I'm saying? No big deal. He's a monster, but he's one of the, like they say that 50% of the nitrogen in our bodies today are from the Haber method. 50%. Yeah.

So he invented something that literally changed the way people can eat. I mean, it probably saved billions of lives. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm just guessing, but I would imagine one of the biggest problems that people had back then was when you couldn't grow things places when you didn't have enough food i mean it was a real touch and go situation before refrigeration and then before you know large-scale trucking and agriculture everywhere like we have today and how much of the nitrogen that we use came because this guy figured out otherwise they would just use like dead fish and things like that they had to have like compost that's what fertilizer was bones they would grind up bones but he's also a monster

also you know they they figured through his work how to kill people with gas they just gassed entire troops fucking crazy shit man when no one had never done that before i mean you got to think back then people would i mean think about this the the war the independence war right the war for independence against england when they would wear the uh the british wear those crazy outfits with the white right across their chest they were perfect targets so they'd be walking to the forest and these hillbillies just pick them out because they were walking like they're in some sort of old-timey war like they used to do wars like they had rules for war and those rules for engagement and then when a general would lose he would hand his sword over to the other men

sometimes they wouldn't even take it because they were trying to be polite and they would have these rules like gentleman rules for killing people and then this guy came out with a method. Hey, how about this? How about we just gas these motherfuckers? Just drop gas on them. Kill everybody. Just let them choke to death on their own blood. Literally your body just vomiting blood. It's coming out of your eyeballs. Everyone around you is dying from the same thing.

You're just hemorrhaging. Just dying. Because some genius scientist who also created a method to extract nitrogen out of the air that fed millions of hungry people also figured out a way to do this it's fucked up it's fucked up you just freaked me out yeah well sometimes great people have done horrible, horrible things. But that guy invented something that we all use. It's a tricky thing, being a person.

You know, people are slippery. There's a lot of good and bad about us. It depends how you use it, Joe. Yes. Depends how you use it. Well, that's why being a comic is, like is one of the most fulfilling things of all time. Because people get something out of it. If they go to see you, the reason why you're willing to eat dick is because you want to develop these bits and have them crush.

Get them to that point where when people come to see you and they pay money to see you, boom, you lay them on them. That feeling that you can do, that you can give to somebody when you see someone just laughing so hard, it's one of the greatest feelings a person can ever experience. And not a lot of people get to experience it. Can you imagine how important laughter is in your life? So important. After a certain point, like it's your, it's like know you need sleep yeah you need food and if you really have a a laughter but you also have to learn how to laugh at yourself yes and once you

conquer that your life changes completely yeah that's 50 you know you know the number one killer is stress that's the number one thing that could kill you. Yeah. Is you being stressed out. But humor, I mean, I love getting high at night doing edibles and finding stupid videos and watching an old stand-up reel. Yeah. And just laughing my fucking ass off. I love it.

I love it. I'm enjoying it more every day. And when you have kids, you really laugh at the shit they talk about. Dude, I laugh at kids' movies. I watch Dora the Explorer, the live action one. The new one? The new one. Yeah, tremendous.

It's hilarious. Tremendous. There's some legit laughs in that movie. I got bad news for you people. I got bad news for you people. The last couple of years years I've gone to see maybe seven or eight

mainstream films but I've probably seen 20 kid films. Yeah. And I leave those films blown away. You know what's fucking great?

Jumanji. I haven't seen one yet. It's as good if not better than the first one. The first one was fucking great. They're great.

At least you leave there feeling something. You know, like like some of these movies i go watch i'm like what the fuck was that jumanji hits a perfect balance between it's like it's a family movie but they don't treat you like you're a moron it's fun and it's it's you know they're trapped in a video game so it doesn't have to make sense. It can be crazy. So it is crazy. But it's a fucking great movie. It's a great movie. Both

of them are great. They're fun. You leave, you feel good. You laugh your ass off. And they ride the edge perfectly of it being enjoyable for old people, but hilarious for kids. Kids think Jumanji is hilarious so you can sit there and why you know i took my nine-year-old the other day we watched it for the

second time just me and her laughing i thought it was so funny it's the rock is great kevin hart's great that chick who plays i don't want a spoiler alert in it because she plays more than one role for some strange reason i can't i don to spoil her, but she's fucking fantastic. That, uh, the Asian lady that was in Crazy Rich Asians,

what is her name? Awkwafina. Yeah. How crazy is that name? Did she make that name up? She must have. She's a rapper too. She's a rapper?

Yes, she was also. No. Yeah. Really? Yeah. No. Well,

that makes sense. Yeah. I can't say without giving it away why she's so good, but God damn, she's hilarious. I'll tell you what I like the most that has really given me a great bond with my daughter.

That some of these Pixar movies use music from our era. You don't know how many times I'm in a car driving and I'm to classic rock, and she's in the back singing. And I'm like, my dick just got hard. She knows my music. That's hilarious. You know what I'm saying? She knows my music. Yeah.

And it's because of those. I don't know what Pixar movies are exactly, but they use music from our era. And she'll go, Daddy, I know that song. Let me see the video. Well, they do that with some movies. Like Marvel did it the best with Guardians of the Galaxy. Chris Pratt's character is into cool old songs.

Like if you ride the ride at Disneyland, they have a Guardians of the Galaxy ride, and in it is all these cool songs like jackson five or slow ride like crazy cool old school songs that play while he's going through his adventure so part of guardians of the galaxy he's got headphones on what is that song he's listening to yeah he's got this one song He's got a Old school cassette Walkman And he's

Got the headphones on And shit And he's kicking the shit Out of aliens While he's listening To this badass song But it's like Those old classics

There's something about Songs That are from a different time That it's It's not just That it's a great song But it's also That it's history

Like it's both things You know The music my daughter Listens to I want to kill myself Like that young kid Hooked song, but it's also that it's history. Like, it's both things, you know? The music my daughter listens to, I want to kill myself. Ha ha! Like that young kid. Hooked on a feeling, that's it. Blue suede.

All that music drives me fucking crazy. Hooked on a feeling. I like that one jam, you know? What's the one that came with Miley Cyrus' father? Oh, yeah, yeah. Old Town Road. That must have killed your fucking house. Oh, my God. My kids wouldn't stop singing it stop saying they wouldn't stop my daughter was singing it i think that's the most popular

single of all time of all time that's amazing fucking now you gotta remember one thing when i first stepped foot on the stage about a year later billy ray cyrus blew up. Oh, yeah. I still remember doing open mic that followed a break dance. What was it called? Line dancing class. Yeah. In Colorado, in Arvada, Colorado on Sunday nights. Don't tell my heart. Yeah.

Icky, bricky, heart. People went nuts. Yeah. And you have to see him. This is what I'm talking about. I love when people go, oh, well, Billy Ray Cyrus, he's dead. Really? No.

He just showed up with a kid and blew up the fucking world. 35, 30 years later. I'll tell you what, man. His daughter is very talented. His daughter hasn't even gotten started yet. No. She hasn't even gotten started yet. Don't even worry about it.

If you listen to Jolene, you listen to her cover of Jolene? Like, holy shit, man. Bro, she sang some, she sang when we leave here, put on fucking the tribute to Chris Cornell. Mm-hmm.

What she sang and you're gonna die. Yeah. You're gonna just say goodbye, say hello to heaven and get goosebumps. She,

she hasn't even, let her go paint her hair, show her titties Yeah yeah yeah Show her pussy Get married a few times She's gonna get married A few times

Have fun She's got enough dough To last three lifetimes Right now So Let her go do her thing But her true calling Is when I come back

And she's gonna level The music industry Yeah Because she's Yeah Say goodbye to heaven I think it's Yeah say hello to heaven

Temple of the dog say goodbye to heaven. I think it's, yeah, say hello to heaven. Temple of the dog. Say hello to heaven. Yeah. I want to hear this later. Bookmark that for me, Jamie. God, I wish we could play music. Yeah, she fucks the fuck up. Wouldn't that be great if we could just play music during the podcast?

Yeah. We got to get some. You have no idea how talented she is. She's phenomenal. I love her last album. She's just taking. That song Malibu. Have you heard Malibu? Yeah, yeah. She's phenomenal. I love her last album. She's just taking- That song Malibu. Have you heard Malibu?

Yeah, yeah. It's a great fucking song. She's just taking time off. But she's a real artist. You know, first she got on the I'm not going to smoke dope like Pete Davidson. And that shit lasted. You know, I bumped into Pete Davidson. Are you getting high again?

He goes, fuck yeah. I go, the pussy's too good. I got to be getting high. You know, they go on that kick, they're not going to smoke no more. You know, you got to do something. I love the reefer. I love it in the morning. I got some strawberry cough the other day.

Oh, my God. Have you seen the Speedweed Box of Doom? You got to open that thing up. It lights up like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Well, Gino has some tremendous fucking. And these little tobacco things. Yes, the blunts. I love them.

You're not a blunt guy and I'm not a blunt guy. I am a blunt guy now. I love his blunts. Yeah. Well, you know who turned me into a blunt guy is Charlie Murphy. Charlie Murphy, the first time I ever got high with him, he rolled a blunt. And he would do it old school. He would buy a package of Swisher Sweets.

He'd cut those fuckers open. You know, a lot of guys break them open with their finger. I don't remember if he broke it open with his finger, but Charlie knew how to roll a blunt. Like, he would roll a blunt. You know who else rolls a blunt real good? Luis Gomez. Luis Gomez rolls a legit blunt. Breaks down the tobacco, takes the fucking leaf out, flattens the leaf, rolls the weed inside of it.

Perfect blunt. Like, skills. Like, I admire dudes who can fix things, and I admire dudes who can roll a tight joint. You know, like a dude who knows how to fix an engine. Like, oh, carburetors, this and that. We're just going to run the line. We'll clear it out, and then we'll add new spark plugs. I go, wow, I can't do that. I've got to hire a guy to do that.

I can't turn the wrench. I'm not good at it. I never learned. I admire it. I could fucking roll a nasty joint. I admire that. I can't do it. The blunt's a special thing.

You've got to learn how to break down the tobacco paper. And I cheat sometimes and buy the blunt wrap, but it's just not the same. You know, last week I called you after I did Bert's thing and he had a Cuban dude doing cigars and Bert said to him, let me ask you a question. What if

I gave you an ounce of dope? Can you roll it up? And he rolled it up in two cigars. Oh my God. And they were fucking tremendous. I were fucking tremendous i mean fucking tremendous tommy chong gave me this yeah it's too big listen it's all cute it starts off cute like you you burn you know you burn uh an inch a bit or two and after that i don't want to light it though'll miss it. I like keeping it right here on my desk. Because when I was a kid, when I was little, Big Bamboo, my stepdad, had Big Bamboo.

And I listened to it when I was like, I mean, I couldn't have been more than nine. I was nine years old and I was listening to that. That's just a Mariella phenomenon. I don't remember. I remember it. I think Big Bamboo was the one where they're like, Dave's not here, man. I think that was that one. Just to know those guys.

How fucking genius was that? Tommy Chong is a goddamn genius, and so is Cheech. They put a rolling paper in the thing in the album. Yeah, the album was rolling paper. Yeah, Sister Mary Elephant. Yes, Ralph and Herbie. Let's make a dope deal. That's herbie let's make a dope deal that's right let's make a dope deal if you want me to tell you something this is why i got into podcasting

this was my biggest appeal about podcasting that guys like you and i grew up i'm listening to prior yeah and chong yep Carlin and I'm like I listen my albums of choice as a kid were there were three

by Richard Pryor this one and I liked Lenny Bruce live from Carnegie Hall for some reason

that's my album collection of stand up comedy I love a bicentennial nigga. The nigga's crazy. Was it something I said? That's Richard Pryor's best work.

Those are great, great albums. That's Richard Pryor's best work. Great, great albums. Just raw and it makes you listen. This year was the first time since 1987 that the albums outsold DVDs. They're making a big comeback. Really? was the first time since 1987 that the albums outsold DVDs. They're making a big comeback. Really?

We made a big fucking mistake 30 years ago. We all drank the fucking Kool-Aid and it wasn't worth it. There was some jerk-off people. You know, again. What do you mean? We were doing great with the album. The music industry was doing great with a thing called the album. Why? Because you want to buy Kiss on Saturday.

This fucking guy wants to buy Led Zeppelin on Saturday, and I want to buy REO Speedwagon. You all got paper routes. On Saturday, we got to walk down to the fucking record store, look around. He changed his mind. He went with Jethro Tull. Then we went back to your house because your mom worked on Saturdays, and we got two joints, and we rolled them up in the album and it was a process.

You put the album on and you rolled and you read the lyrics and you read the things that they put in it. And they took that away from you. And they gave you the first dudes were the dudes who went to the reel to reel. Oh yeah. Oh reel to reel is the way to go. I've heard of people

but I didn't know anybody personally. Yeah. Nobody was buying them. I gotta show up with a movie I didn't know anybody personally. Yeah, nobody was buying them. Real to Real's crazy. I got to show up with a movie thing to listen to fucking Junior Priest. And you got to spool it. And you got to spool it and the whole thing. So that went out fucking quick. Then they switched to something else.

8-track? Then we settled. No, the 8-track was already gone pretty much. Yeah, that's right. The 8-track started to move out. Cassette was big. Cassettes were big. Remember Minidiscs?

What's that? Minidiscs? What's that? Minidiscs? Minidiscs. Minidiscs. Wow. And then I remember the CD. But then I still remember buying movies.

Like going to Omiba, buying a movie, opening up the thing, and it'd just be like an advertising and a fucking CD. And that's when I stopped. I go, this is what I'm getting for my money now. So when I buy a fucking CD from a record label, I open it up, and it's a CD. They don't even put time into the cover anymore. When you buy Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here album, Jesus Christ, they must have put a year just into the cover. The guy shaking the guy's hand

Warner Brothers and the other guys lighting on fire they put time in so I think that and everybody kept saying sound well the sound CD did it just to put that fucking needle on there again

I wonder how many fucking turntables were sold in America last year for the album to come back. And I have one in my office and I go to two different places once a month. Do you listen with headphones or do you listen just to speakers?

When I listen in the office, I put them on with the speakers at the office. When I listen to it at home, I got the office. When I listen to it at home, I got the headphones. It's a different experience, right? You're sitting down like you're watching a show, almost. The thing about music when I'm streaming it

is I'm almost always doing something. I'm very rarely just listening to music. I'm always listening to music while I'm driving or listening to music while I'm working out or while I'm flying. I don't hardly ever just listen to music. I'm always listening to music while I'm driving or listening to music while I'm working out or while I'm flying. I don't hardly ever just listen to music, a sit down. But when you have an album, when you have a record player, I think that it would definitely make you more inclined to treat it like an event. Just have a cup of coffee, smoke a joint, sit on the couch, and just listen to it.

Just listen to it. Listen to some bars, you know? Listen, I get anxiety about 20 to 8 every night. 20 to 8? 20 to 8. Right around that same time? Yeah, because for years, that's when I was thinking about how I was going to score a Coke.

So until this day, that's when I was thinking about how I was going to score a Coke. So till this day, that's the PTSD I got that at 7.30 I started getting anxiety. I started getting itchy. I got to move. I got to make a move. And when I finally, what I really wanted intended to do was to maybe go to Jiu Jitsu at night. But it's

out of the question. You know, my boy just got a 5.30 class. I've been trying to make it for three weeks. 5.30 is just rough. I'm a 10 o'clock in the morning type of guy. 12,

the latest. I used to always take the 8.30 class at night. That's, that's, that's at this age. Yeah.

It was hard to go on, it was hard to go on on stage afterwards too. That was another thing. I don't mind all that. It's just, with the kid. After an hour and a half of rolling and everything? With the kid.

You're not fucking killing yourself for an hour and a half. You warm up, and you drill the technique, and then you fucking. For me, I do three rolls, and I got to go. After that, I'm just. It's a low-diminishing return. When I was training at 10th Planet all the time with Eddie's nighttime class, 830 class. Yeah, in months. It was filled with murderers.

Murderers. It was kill or be killed. And then you'd go, all nice guys, so I don't want to meet in a bad way. No, no, no. No one was hurting anybody. They were just really good. But you would go from that and then go, I'd go on stage, I feel spent. Sometimes I'd go on stage afterwards and I'd have flat sets because I was just too tired.

I was just too mellowed out. I'd spend 90 minutes with guys on your back trying to strangle you. You get there, you don't have the same pop. Do you work out at night still? I like to work out at all different hours of the day. That's what I like to do. When was the last time you worked out at night? All the time.

Like three days ago, maybe? What time? Late. 10.30. See, I could do that. When people are asleep, that's what I like to do. When people are asleep, I put fights on. Put fights on.

Just, you know, I got all the shit there. I got kettlebells there. I got a bar there. I got chin-up bars. I got, you know, things to do, that glute hand machine. I do sit-ups off of that and back extensions. I would just do, like, nine sets of kettlebells, like swings, cleans, a couple goblet squats, and I'd be happy, like, at 10.30. It's a zone.

At 7 o'clock, though, 7.30, 8 o'clock, I got to rush. But it's not really. It's kind of the exercise, but I got to get out of the house. So I usually go by the office. I do two bong hits, and I listen to one side of an album. I just pick an album. Some nights it's comedy. Some nights it's fucking rock music.

And once the album is over, I shut it off, put the album back on the cover, and I get in the car and I go home like nothing happened. Most of the nights I do that, i really don't have nothing to do so i got a half hour window but you know i put her in the tub i leave and by the time i come back nobody knows nothing let me ask you this do you when you when you're writing comedy like when you when you're working on bits are you how much time are you spending off stage and like how do you do it like are you one of those guys that has an idea

and you drive around I know a lot of guys don't even like writing shit down they just have an idea and they just bounce it around while they're driving around and then like maybe they'll remember some bullet points or they'll bounce it off a friend and then they'll try to do it on stage how are you doing it now because I'm very serious about it bullet points or they'll bounce it off a friend and then they'll try to do it on stage. How are you doing it?

Now, because I'm very serious about it, it starts with a pad and a piece of paper and pray to God that I could just remember the idea to get it out of me at the comedy store. Right. I just want to get the idea out. Let's worry about the joke later. So that's the first thing. Right. So you have a premise. You get the structure of the premise.

Let me get this out. I want to talk about that Netflix show, Don't Fuck With Cats. I keep forgetting. Don't fuck with cats. This is why that's rule number one that they told me when I moved from Cuba. I threw a rock at a cat one day and a black guy goes, yo, I'm fucked with them motherfuckers. Some dude on the internet decided to fuck with cats. And have you watched the series?

No. It's going to blow your mind. It's going to blow your mind. It's a Netflix show? Netflix 10 episode documentary. That's something you're going to call me. It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? What did you get me involved in, Joe Diaz?

It's called Don't Fuck With Cats. Don't Fuck With Cats. I think it's only three episodes. I watched two of them last night, actually. Is it good? Yeah. It's like, remember the old school internet shit from the early 2000s where there was weird shit online? People were discovering who the fuck was doing some of that. And they fell down some fucking weird holes.

Oh, really? This is crazy shit. Disturbing as fuck. Is it three episodes? Because I watched two and a half. I watched three of them. It's called Don't Fuck With Cats. Don't Fuck With Cats. That's it.

Don't Fuck With Cats. Because this is how the party starts. Oh, my God. Tremendous. And you know who else was on TV last week? The reason why I called you but I didn't want to tell you? Until afterward, I wanted to talk to you about on the show. Our boy made a comeback.

He ain't going to lie. He got another week and a half left to live. Who? Michael Bowden made a comeback. Because when the Epstein family. Michael Badden. Badden. Yeah.

The Epstein family hired him to do a private. Did you watch it on 60 Minutes? Yeah, I did. Okay, that's my boy. Yeah. My boy. I used to love that show. You and me both.

Oh, my God. I still remember having conversations with you about saying, you can't commit a crime with that guy around. Oh, he's too good. Because once he gets on it, the most memorable thing he ever busted was, you ready for this, G? They found a torso in New Jersey that belonged to a woman. The guy did a great job.

He cut her waist, he cut her arms, her head, and he threw her whole body into the ocean. The sharks got everything except the torso. The torso just washed up in seaside heights of some Jersey shore town. You remember this episode? I kind of remember. And then she fucking had fake tits. So he took the serial numbers from the tits, found out who she was.

But no, no, it gets better. He went deep into the murky waters. He also went into her stomach. And the food that she had eaten hadn't been processed, so there was a certain clam. It was a certain type of clam that couldn't be found. It wasn't there.

And it could have either been Boston or New Jersey. I'm not putting the blame on nobody. Right, right. I remember this now. So he found out her whereabouts, and he found out he called, like, every restaurant in that area to see who would have that specific Right, right. I remember this now. So he found out her whereabouts, and he found out. He called, like, every restaurant in that area to see who would have that specific type of clam. And he fucking caught the killer because he paid for it with his credit card.

Whoa. So he went and found out the specific clam and what restaurant in that area sold it. And that's what she had in her stomach. They weren't cherry stones or the other ones. They were the other ones. There was the most horrific story from that one episode where they had this guy, I believe he was a doctor, and he was infatuated with this woman who was his patient. And when she died, I think he had married her one time or something like that.

He had some kind of relationship with her. He dug up her body and kept it in his house and put a tube where her vagina is so he could still have sex with her. And he was buying cases and cases of perfume. And I think that's what tipped people off. This guy was buying cases of perfume because she was rotting in his bed so he would cover her with perfume and this is what was the name of that show yeah autopsy autopsy hbo autopsy yeah it's a fucking great show great show and it would come out like a one so he studies jeffrey epstein and he finds out that there's breaks in Jeffrey Epstein's neck that he's never seen ever in a hanging. Only seen from strangulation.

Only seen from murders. Did you see how they said that he hung himself? Yeah. Am I retarded? Am I the only one that's missing this? They're trying to find. It's a four foot wall. And he threw himself against the wall and went down.

Really? Right. The neck had blood, but the fucking thing didn't have blood on it. It's such a horrible fucking thing. Yeah. The cops, the overtime, they had been working. The tapes got shut off. How about the fact that they deleted the first tapes?

Oh, it's... So he had an original attempt on his life, and then they had a second one. And they can't find the tapes for the second one, and then they accidentally deleted the tapes from the first one. I mean, it's not 1930. It's 2020. If they can get away with that in 2020, I mean, I don't know how far anyone's going to track this down, how far far like how motivated they are well the reason why he got arrested in the first place is because people did talk about it and they did get motivated to do something because they're like how does a guy get arrested for having sex with underage kids

and then only get like 13 months and then during that 13 months he had basically he was like he just had a return at night right he didn't he he had the ability to travel and go wherever he wanted yeah he had 16 hours like work release for the day could go to his office he would do what you did literally all you do is sleep there every night so it was an inconvenience an inconvenience for him and everybody's like what and then when you start thinking about the stories and the jet and the island and all the craziness like this is not a movie this is real this is not a movie there was an island where an intelligence agent would take scientists and heads of state and they would bang chicks

that intelligence thing is i'll just say strong rumor because it's only been mentioned by a few people, and that ABC report didn't mention it at all. Maybe they left it out. I don't think they can prove it. When someone says something, is there a recording of that guy? Remember the guy that said that he was told that Epstein was intelligent and he was above his pay grade?

Yeah, Acosta. What's his name again? Jim Acosta? I don't know. Jim. What was his name again? Jim Acosta. I don't know. Jim Acosta. Alexander Acosta. Jim Acosta. Alexander Acosta.

He got fired, though, or he had to resign after they went and looked into this, and he got rearrested. I have not seen Bombshell. Have you seen Bombshell? That's that new Charisse Theron. She plays Megyn Kelly, right? Yeah, it's called Roger Ailes. Yeah.

And it's all about the sexual harassment. And I was watching. The ladies watched it together, the actual women that lived it. And then they, afterwards, they talked about it. They talked about what was real and what was not real. But one thing that was real is Roger Ailes would make them stand in front of him and twirl around so they could see their ass so he could see their ass and like so imagine you're a woman you you get this job you're gonna be an anchor like i'm really excited to work for you mr ailes thank you all right this is what

i want you to do i want to see your ass i I want you to spin around. And so he, I mean, that's a weird, is that a real picture? Photoshop for press release. Doesn't it look fake? Doesn't it look like a fake picture? They probably weren't all next to each other. Hmm. What is Megyn Kelly complaining about?

She was sexually harassed. Oh, yeah, everybody was. At Fox yeah yeah yeah apparently this guy Roger that's his name Roger Ailes right what they're saying is that you know you would say I want to see you naked I want to see you in lingerie I want to see naked pictures of you he's just a dirty old fat dude who just harassed the fuck out of all the women that work there and that was how they did it is that in the movie yeah that's in the movie yeah that's uh john lithgow right they put him in a fat suit right they didn't make him get that fat i don't think so that's a lot of

weight yeah that's some heart attack shit he's a fairly healthy guy but uh that guy's dead right didn't he die i think ro Ailes died. I'm pretty sure Look at him Go back to those pictures go back to images I Mean look at that one the the one in the middle look at the one in the middle up top with his the red tie Yeah, right there. Look at that. I Mean if he was alone with her What the fuck do you imagine he would say? What kind of creepy shit do you imagine that dude would say?

Women always think a guy like that that looks disgusting, that you would never have sex with him. He knows that. A guy that's that rich and that powerful and looks like that, he doesn't even probably know that he doesn't have any game. He probably thinks that he has game. He probably thinks this is a part of why he became rich and famous in the first place. These powerful men before all this stuff went down, these guys that ran these gigantic companies,

and this is just what they did. So they all did, and they got away with it everybody knew right I mean how many companies are like here's the big question how long has this been going on how long have men and women even been working together like that doesn't Jordan Peterson talk about this that it hasn't really been that long like what you know in the 1800s men and women didn't work together in offices like this I didn't watch Mad but isn't that what that whole show is kind of about? I think so.

I didn't watch it either. The relationship between the secretaries and the wives and the husbands. Yeah. It's real recent for people, for men and women to be alongside each other all day, that you don't even know each other and you're in an office together. Throughout all of human history, when people got together and worked together, they were a tribe. were a community it wasn't strange random guys that just got hired by fucking hr to come down and sit next to you in your office and ask you questions about how you conduct

yourself and like like who are you like no everybody in those days work with people they knew right like if you were in a blacksmith's office like a blacksmith's workshop everybody fucking knew everybody they they worked together one of my nieces just had to go and she got summoned to talk to somebody as you know where she went uh she's going to medical school now but where she she got her regular degree. A couple weeks ago, she had to go. She got a fucking letter in the mail. They asked her about this teacher and what she thought.

She had to spill her guts. They had to go and fucking get this teacher fired. He wasn't doing anything sexual is what he was saying. Saying creepy shit he was 60 something you know and he's probably doing his whole life how to confront them and you know and well that's what you have to think about priests right they've got they're they're still doing it right they still they still keep getting caught but they've been doing that their whole life and the people before them did it to them, and there's generation after generation after generation of child molester priests. It's one

of the craziest things that Catholics just accept, that people are not, because most Catholics are not pedophiles. Most Catholics are good people that want a bunch of great people to live together with certain rules, and they think if you abide by these rules, then you're doing the work of God. But the people at the top is a certain percentage of them. I don't know what the number is. That are definitely pedophiles. And it's a high number in comparison to every other job. If 25% of dentists were pedophiles, we would all have rotten teeth.

You know what I'm saying? Iiles. We would all have rotten teeth. You know what I'm saying? I mean, think about all the different professions. Lawyers. If 25% of lawyers were pedophiles, we'd light their buildings on fire. The fuck are you talking about? But for some reason, I don't know what the percentage is. I don't think it's 25% of priests.

What do you think it is? Here's the fucking thing with the priest thing. That kills me. The priest thing worked pretty much. It was a no, no. I mean, we're talking about the 60s and 70s. I did a Google search on the grammar school I went to. Just a look.

Just a look. I went to Sacred Heart School for Boys. And one day I went on there. One night I was high and I just went on the Google search and went down a foxhole and went on a couple of Reddit pages of people saying different things. And you know what? I swear to God, there was nothing about Sacred Heart School for boys in there. You couldn't find them. But I looked up a different church that was close to my house, church that was close to my house and it was 200 cases. Nobody gets prosecuted and they move you to another archdiocese and you start your little charade again. And then when you start, let's say you fuck up four fucking different states, like let's say you go from Jersey to Minneapolis

to San Diego, then to Louisiana, then they ship you overseas. Once too many letters start to come in about this situation, then they ship you overseas. And they'll put you at the fucking Vatican or whatever. That's what's got me fired up. I grew up in this. Did I get molested as a kid? No. Did a priest bother me?

No. I wish I could sit here and tell you. Was I an altar boy? No. I wish I could sit here and tell you. Was I an altar boy? No. I worked a bingo. So I didn't really have much contact with the fucking priest. You know, when I did Vinnie Brand's room,

we did the stress factory. One of my friends sat in the front row. He was my neighbor. He lived two doors down next to us. And after the show, we were laughing. And we were laughing about the pedophiles in the neighborhood. How we would torment them. Like we knew they were pedos.

We had a guy that played two-hand touch with us with no underwear on. Puerto Rican Nelson. And then his lure was ice cream. We'd take the ice cream and then we'd tell him to go fuck himself. Fuck you. We're not going back to your apartment. We'll fucking kill you. You know, you knew they got pointed out.

The story I tell about New York, about the fucking, the guy that used to chase little kids and shit like that. That's a true story. It's not a joke. It's a joke on stage. But that's a true story. You knew who the kids, the people were in your neighborhood. They had gotten called out in the 70s and 80s. You knew.

Don't fuck with that dude. You know, there's a cop in my neighborhood where I grew up. I just found this out. I just found this out. That there's a cop in my neighborhood that I was dear friends with, that I grew up with. He had two younger brothers that were twins.

One of the younger brothers went to jail for murder. He killed this fucking gay guy. What just came out was that that gay guy was molesting him. He gave him a summer job when he was in the eighth grade and started molesting him. And they still reduced the sentence. You know, he went back and murdered him as an adult. He came back one day when he was 30, fucking murdered him.

I think they gave him six years from voluntary manslaughter he pleaded down but this is you know it's you don't want i don't know when it comes to my daughter i don't trust nobody and you set a joke up on stage the one day that i know it's not a joke i'll keep shooting yeah i'm gonna keep shooting you. I'm going to keep shooting you. And whoever, your mother, your wife, I'm going. I'm going. That's why it's better that, like Cuban parents, you can sleep over here. But we ain't sending my kid nowhere. Because this is how it starts.

Did you watch Never Never Land? No, I didn't. Okay, Never Never Land is disturbing. Now, what is it? Escape from Never Land? What are you talking about? Hey. Bye-ya. Ah, suka. It? Escape from Neverland? What are you talking about? Hey. Bye-ya.

Asuka. It's Monday. That's something for the spirits. Might have to light another joint. Yeah, you have to get another joint because I'm ready to rock and roll here. You got one of these blunts. You got any more blunts? Yeah, I got some more blunts.

I'll go grab one. Hold on. Sorry about that fart, Joe Rogan. No worries. I've experienced it before. No, I've had one of those whey protein. I've experienced it before. No, I've had one of those whey protein.

I can't even. I told you. I'm sorry. I was looking for a percentage number. I was trying to find the number of priests versus accusations. But Los Angeles, it seems like 10% of the priests, maybe. There's about 600 priests, and I saw that at least 70 of them or so have been accused. Oh, God damn it. That might be high.

It might be low. I don't know. That's a lot. If that's the nationwide thing, imagine if that's the same. It's mirrored or even worse. Well, now. It paid out $3 billion to the. Have you seen it running an ad?

Have you been molested by a Boy Scout or a fucking priest? Call this number. it's never too late blah blah blah blah blah blah you know now you got they paid out three billion 500 plus just in los angeles oh my god 10 years ago right that was 10 years ago so they might it's just crazy that no one ever says hey maybe this isn't really what God wants. Maybe, you know what I'm saying? I mean, the people that are in the church, the people that are believers, the people that love to dress up nice and go and behave kind

and see all the people in the community at the church, there's a good feeling that people get from going to church. There's a good feeling that people get from going to church. But the fact that it's connected to that, it's so insane that it's still there. It's so insane that it hasn't been rooted out, that this is still a giant problem. And relatively few people are going to jail. Like, relatively few. Like, you know who they wanted?

They wanted that Ratzinger, that Pope Ratzinger. That's one of the reasons why he had to step down. And one of the reasons why he stays in the Vatican. I was reading some article about them bringing up charges, crimes against humanity against him. That other countries wanted to do that. Because this guy used to ship kids, or he used to ship priests to places where they wouldn't get in trouble. Like he had this one guy who was accused of molesting boys. And so he shipped them to this place where he worked with dead deaf kids and he molested over a hundred deaf kids.

It's like, what did you do? Like you, you shipped a child molester to a bunch of people that wouldn't be able to talk about it. Well, like he'd be able to get away with it easier there if they settle the case then that means it doesn't get prosecuted right so that's why they won't go to jail is that why they haven't

gone to jail dude i don't understand it i don't understand reports on why aren't they going to jail and i'm like if you settle a case you don't you don't like they don't keep prosecuting i just i guess if you make a like the person decides to drop charges. There was a guy in Boston. They were going to fucking give $100,000. They were going to put him under the jail. There was some guy in Boston I read about years ago. They were going to put him under the jail.

Now I keep it simple. I'm still a Catholic. I just don't go to church. I don't want to deal with none of those people. I don't want to deal with none of them. At any religious level, I don't want to deal with none of those people. I don't want to deal with none of them at any religious level. I don't want to deal with them. The problem is whenever people get into a position where everybody, for the most part, is humble around them and scared of them and they have power.

I remember when my grandmother died. We went to her funeral, and the guy couldn't remember her name. My grandmother's name was Josephine, and he kept calling her Geraldine. And the priest who was delivering the service, we had to interrupt him, say, Josephine. And he was, like, annoyed that they interrupted him. He was like, yes, Josephine. Like, he changed the name. Like, he didn't even know her name.

He didn't even know her name. And when he's there to deliver this God's message for the last time, the family's going to view the body. And he doesn't know her name. And when he was corrected, he was angry at us. Like, he had these gin blossoms all over his face. He's just some weird old guy who got tricked and did this very strange life, and now it's at its end. And he's been living with robes on,

supposedly being celibate his whole fucking life, while people kiss his ass and pretend that he's something special because he talks about the word of God. But you can just see in that one moment where he wasn't even embarrassed that he said the wrong name. He was upset that people were correcting him. Because you don't correct priests. So he's used to that.

So there's no one checking him. There's no one checking them at all. Everyone who goes there is in this state of worship. And they're the ones who deliver the word of God dressed like wizards. Like they're the only people in society that are allowed to dress like wizards in modern American society. They dress like fucking wizards. And we're like, yeah, that's how a father dresses. Father dresses like a wizard. Like, do you know how people are going to look back at that and go, why didn't they think the outfits were weird? Why didn't they think it was silly that this pedophile dresses up like a wizard and you're not supposed to say anything to him

what is that like what is what what is with the outfits the fact that all that shit's still around like there's nowhere in the bible that says priests have to dress like that nowhere there's nowhere the whole thing is so bizarre it's it's you're wearing stuff that made you look like you were very special to really poor people 500 years ago that's what you're wearing you're wearing stuff that would impress people that didn't know any better that probably couldn't read and so before martin l so before Martin Luther translated the scriptures so that people could read it like a phonetic language, before that, people had no idea what the priests were reading. They just relied on the priest.

They relied on the priest to tell them what the word of God was. But now all of a sudden they could read it for themselves. And Martin Luther was saying, you should probably interpret it yourself too. And they were like, oh my God. So... Were either of you old enough to go to church when it was still in latin oh they would say some things they used to only be in latin until like 70s or 60s or something really yeah i remember they would say some things in latin because i remember i'd be five years old going what in the fuck are these people what type of kid were you between the age

of five and ten were you aggressive were you quiet we know much more introverted okay from the ages of five and ten i went through like changes until i got hit in there with a lunchbox but i believed i really did believe joe i really did believe i believed in god i believed that my father was in heaven i believed that a ton of shit. Then I got introduced to Catholic school, and that just fucked me up completely. Because I believed, but I didn't believe on the tail end of it. If we're supposed to be loving, why is this nun smacking me? Why is this nun hitting me with a fucking ruler?

You know what I'm saying? And then I saw the anger in their heart, and it turned me off completely. Like, I didn't like it. Today, I'm still a Catholic in some ports. When my body goes, I like to go to a fucking church, you know? But I don't hold it. I remember selling cars in Boulder,

and a guy came in, we started talking and he was 50 wasn't a good looking guy looked like that fucking guy 20 year old chick with him and obviously after taking him on a demo ride I figured out that he could fuck her and shit no

I realized that he was fucking her she was like his receptionist or something but after when we got back I also realized he was my father. She was like his receptionist or something. Okay. But after when we got back, I also realized he was my father-in-law's friend. Ah. So I asked my father-in-law about him. He didn't say anything. He's on the board of the church. He's a great man. And I still remember

him. This was Sacred Heart Church in Boulder, Colorado. In fact, that's the same church the head of the football team went to. Bill McCarthy and all that shit. I'd see his fucking family there. And this fucking scumbag would sit in the second pew with his fat fucking ugly wife. She had the ugliest fucking wife in the fucking church. They would hit her with the net, with that money net.

They would just hit her with it like, fuck you, she's ugly. But the point was that i never respected it that you're cheating on your wife but then again you're right there playing the fucking i'm a good guy that's the classic story you know what the classic story is the big one is the anti-gay pastor that turns out to be gay there's so many of them there's some Wasn't there one where a guy got busted because he was trying to use an Arby's card? Wasn't that the case? That's a common one. The anti-gay pastor that turns out to be gay.

Please let people preach the word of the Lord. Yes, and say you've got to stay away from the gay folks. Missouri church leader tried to pay for sex on Grindr with Arby's card. Whoa! Look, it's a hustle that they got away with probably forever. They probably hid who they were and what they were doing forever with this act and this smokescreen. And you could kind of get away with it for a long time.

But that, you can't get away with that today. And if you're, you know, why are you so against gay people? What's happening? Well they have those camps where they send you to get anti-gay, because you're gay. But they always- They take you and they take the Lord into you. They touch your dick is what they do. People that that have been to those Pray the Gay Away camps, they claim that guys were hugging them with full hard-ons behind them,

telling them it's all right, that God loves them. This guy was pressing his dick against this guy's buttocks. They made him sit almost in a rear naked choke position where the guy who's the counselor is behind you with his dick against your back. Like, hey, what are you doing? Is this really God's plan? There's a South Park episode about this.

You need to see it. Didn't see it. Carp Man Sucks. Carp Man Sucks. The butler goes to pray the gay away camp. Oh, my God. It's called Carp Man Sucks. It's from season 11, episode 2, 2007.

Ah, perfect. Yeah, there's been a lot of those. There's been a lot of real recounts, recountings where people went to those camps and they're like, oh my god, everyone was gay. It's like everyone was, even the counselors, the guys who were saying they were going to pray the gay away, they were just trying to fuck you. I don't know how much fucking they do or how much they just hang on to your back with a heart on and pretend that nothing's going on i don't know what really goes on but whenever you got someone who's that adamant about it you gotta wonder yeah anybody ever try to make a move on you oh yeah when you were a kid yeah a couple times from five to how old um the the scariest one was when i was 13 when i was 13 i was in boston one time it happened before but a

librarian saved me i was like eight i was in san francisco and uh i was really into monster books back then i was into monster movies and monster books and i was looking at these books and this creepy dude came over to me and he said you you like monster books and i said yeah and he said uh well i have uh monster books in my car do Do you want to come see them? I said, okay. So I was eight years old. I was dumb. I started walking behind him, and the librarian screams out, Joseph, you get away from him. He just got out of jail.

I'm like, oh, my God. And the guy ran. And I ran to the librarian, and she hugged me, and I was crying. It was very scary. Very scary. When I was 13, I got in a car with a guy. It was freezing out. Bus wasn was 13, I got in a car with a guy. It was freezing out. Bus wasn't coming.

I had the basketball. I was at St. Michael's Gym. I got on Kennedy Boulevard next to, you know, fucking, there's no number one bus. I'm there fucking an hour and a half and ten below. You know, guy pulls up. You want a ride? Yeah, I get in there. And I still remember how he acted.

Like, from the beginning, from the minute I got in, something wasn't right. His energy wasn't right. And he thought he had prey. You know, he was all hot and sticky. He was like, we were 18, and we were taking a girl back to our apartment. You know, we were kind of clumsy. He was clumsy. And at the light, he went for the ball.

He goes, you like playing basketball? And he went for the ball, and then he touched my dick. Like, he slipped into the hole. Oh, Kevin Spacey. You like it? And I was like, well, I fucking like it. And Joe Rogan, the door opened. It was like God opened the fucking door, and I just got out and ran.

He kept saying, come back. I was just teasing you. fucking door and I just got out and ran. He kept saying, come back. I was just teasing you. Come on, I'll give you a ride. I was already home. I was already at the top of Schutzen Park. What did I give a fuck? But that was basic. And I always think about that. Like, why didn't people approach me? I knew today, looking back, I still remember three guys. I remember a high school teacher that would come on as a basketball guru. And I found out. And I always thought a little weird about him. Not married, you know. And then years ago, somebody said, yeah, he was sucking kids' dicks at the field and shit.

I had a guy slow play me at a lake. There was a guy that used to run around the lake and talk to us when we were fishing. We were probably like 13. Me and my friend Josh, in particular, we would go to this one lake that was in our town. And we'd fish there all the time. And this dude would come by all the time and visit. He was always friendly. Started off real normal.

What are you guys up to? Catching some fish? Like, southern accent. Seemed like an old gentleman and then a couple times he came when it was just me and then he just sat down next to me and talked to me and i was naive i was 13 i just thought he was a real nice guy like almost like a older brother type figure i was gonna give you a good advice he talked about cool shit he was a teacher he got kicked out of uh his position for some unfair reason he wouldn't really be specific about it

but he said you know they didn't like the way he taught and so anyway this dude just becomes my friend like nice and slow nice and slow brings me lunch i even went to his house once and then one day i am uh fishing and he's drunk and he tells me he loves me and i said i think i said something like i really like you too he goes you know there there can't be love without sex and i remember thinking what whoa like what did he just what happened and then i remember thinking what a dummy i am i thought this guy just liked me he was i was his buddy he's gonna teach me things he just likes teaching people he's just really smart then i had my hand on a knife i had a swiss army knife and them little red plastic ones you know the ones with the can yeah they have all the kind of shit and all i was

thinking is i had i put it in my hand in my pocket like i held on to it and i remember thinking god damn it i hope i don't have to fucking try to use this because i was thinking it's like he was a big guy you know i was 13 i don't know what i weighed 120 pounds or something i'm like fuck this guy might beat the shit out of me and rape me here in the woods like he was bigger than me and he was always jogging you know he wasn't in bad shape and he uh i told him get the fuck away from me and he told me to not be upset and then i left i away. He didn't chase me. He didn't want to be violent. He wanted to trick me into fucking him.

He didn't want to rape me. He wanted to trick me into fucking him. I got real lucky that that was the case. But then years later, I got a letter from him at my house. That was creepy because it showed up in the mailbox. He had figured out where I moved to and sent me a letter. And I'm like, whoa. And it was like real, like friendly and professional, like a real professor, like a scholar. I don't even remember if he ever apologized.

But it was real weird. It was like, ooh, I dodged that bullet. How many guys that are like that but aren't nice, they just want to get you close and then rape you? That's much more likely, probably. That is some horrific shit, man.

With Puerto Rican Nelson, I went to his house. That's his name? That's what we called him. He was Puerto Rican and his name was Nelson. I'm giving that to Tyrus. He lived Puerto Rican, and his name was Nelson. And he lived on Gibbonhead Terrace. He lived next to the Otinos, but in the back. And I think he raped guys with a black dude. Like, there was a black friend of his that would come over there,

and then they'd give you beer and all that shit. So he took you in as a, you like pussy type of kid. Like, you even 12. He's like, you want to see some good pussy? And then that's how it started. And then they'd bring you over there? You'd go in, and he'd start with the porn first. And then, yeah, bring your buddies anytime you want.

Then it was the porn, and then he would get us nickel bags of weed. He started, I'll get you weed. And then he introduced our black friend to him. And his black friend just looked fucking retarded, like his afro was cut weird. He had weird hair. And I remember him distinctively speaking about the rock of Gibraltar, how he had just come back from Africa.

And we were young kids, like, wow. how he had just come back from Africa. And we were young kids, like, wow. And then once he showed us the porn, it came out like a week later. Somebody said, bro, that dude's no good. Asked what's his name. He went over to the end, and he asked him if he could suck his dick.

So we're like, what do we do here? Do we call the cops, or do we tell Carmine? We're like, no, let's just play Do we call the cops or do we tell Carmine? We're like, no, let's just play the guy because he was selling us weed. He was like a bartender in the city and would sell us weed. And then he pursued the porno thing with us. He's like, you guys don't understand. And then he talked us into, he was like, I'm going to fuck my girlfriend, come over and listen.

And we would come over there at night and listen. He would leave the window open, and it was his girlfriend and him fucking, and she would be saying, give me milk, Daddy. Give me milk, Daddy. And we'd get creeped out and ran out of there one day. And then one day we actually fucking went back. Then he got normal. I think with the misunderstanding with the one guy, he got normal. Like somebody checked him, and he got normal.

And then, like, the next summer was when he would come out and play football with us with a robe on with no underwear. With just his dick out. And we're like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Like, he went to desperate measures of perversion. And I think Mrs. Zanotti said something to him. You can't be doing that around here with your dick out. And he's like, no, no, I just want to get exercise or something.

Like, he told her something weird. And that was the end of that. You know what's the classic relationship? The classic relationship with crazy old gay guys is the crazy old gay guy and the young guy that's having sex with him for money, right? There's a lot of those cases. Is that more accepted in the gay community than it is in the straight community? Because if a straight community, if a guy is paying a girl for sex it's prostitution and everybody's upset but is that how it is in the gay community like do guys

give a fuck like how many gay prostitutes get arrested is it even close to as many as straight ones like i would assume i would assume like no one's getting arrested. How many gay prostitutes get arrested? I think they do. You think they do? There's probably just less numbers, so it's probably proportionally smaller. You think there's less of them? Probably less than overall, just for the numbers. We live in a place that's made of dreams.

People fucking have dreams. Don't do anything for them. They'll do anything for them. They'll do anything for them. I mean, look at all the situations we've discussed just today alone. Harvey, Eric Epstein, Bikram, you know, Marilyn Monroe, that guy two weeks ago that two people died of speed in his house. That fucking nutcase in LA. That same guy? That's right. Ed Buck. More people died there? No, no that fucking nutcase that same guy that's why ed buck that more people died there no no i'm just saying that he finally got arrested they finally

arrested oh i thought you know we're living in oh my god it's such a shame that that's what you do for a living is fuck with people's dreams well i think that ed buck guy is probably just a serious addict who's got some money, right? You know, taking in homeless guys. And shooting them up with drugs. Shooting them up with drugs. When I first got here, the hot book was You'll Never Work in This Town Again. And it was a hooker who fucking did a tell-all book about Don Henley calling her up to her house.

And they had a bend over. And Don Henley would snort coke off their assholes. And then get up and plug them once and sit back down and just sit there. So you had to go to Don Henley's house. He had a fireplace, four women, and he would just say, bend over naked. God damn, Don Henley. He would snort coke, get up, fuck you for a minute, and then sit back down and snort more coke. You know, she told all those stories of different movie stars and shit like that.

I would be disappointed if you lived any other way. I would think that if you're living back then too, rock star back then, like you almost were required to do something ridiculous. Like everybody was doing ridiculous shit. There was no like clean and sober rock stars back then. Were there? Like that hadn't even happened yet, where people cleaned up. People clean up regularly now.

It's a big part of society. People improve. How many people cleaned up back in the day? Right? Artists? Artists that were really into drugs? They just died. They just died.

Yeah. They didn't really know what it was. Kurt, obviously, suicide or whatever, depending on which documentary you're into. The creepiest fucking thing I saw was 1983. I went back to New York, and I got a job at an electrical warehouse called Swift Electric.

And I had a load truck. My job was I'd get there in the morning, look at the bill of ladens, put 12 fucking 12-feet pipe in your truck, wiring, screws, and there was this one fucking driver, bro, and that was 45 years old and his wife was 15. Whoa. And he would bring her to work with her.

Jesus. So she'd be in the front seat. She did not go to school. She's 15. The owner knew. Everybody knew. If you looked at him, you She's 15. The owner knew. Everybody knew. If you looked at him, you could tell he wasn't all there. Oof.

And I remember asking him once, like, is this your daughter? And he goes, no, that's my wife. I go, she's 15, 14. He goes, yeah, the parents sold her to me. Oh, Jesus Christ. I forget what his name was or where he lived. I know he lived in West New York he was a white dude from West New York

but Don Johnson married Melanie Griffin before she was 18 really? yeah look it up nobody said dick look at your other boy that dude they're going to throw him under the chair

when they get rid of him R. Kelly if you think Howie Weinstein is in trouble That dude, they're going to throw him under the chair when they get rid of him, finish with him. Who? R. Kelly. If you think Howie Weinstein's in trouble, at least Howie got some money. Harvey. Whatever, Howie, Harvey. At least he's got some money left.

R. Kelly's done. And like we were fucking, nobody said nothing. R. Kelly used bribe to marry alia when she was 15 charges say he bribed a government employee in 1994 so that he could obtain a fake id for the singer alia yeah this is 20 something years ago right he did this he's gonna they're gonna throw him under the fucking jail he was holding women captive fucking fucking with their heads. You're not allowed to talk to your fucking parents. Was it all that age? Was it all like in the 15s?

That's what he's into? Is that what he's into? Yeah, yeah. They got the video of him pissing on a chick, which I never saw. I don't want to see it. I mean, I have no fucking desire to see that shit. What do you think that is? You think he's basically like running a cult with young girls?

Well, I watched a little bit of it last week and he comes across to you he he his professionalism listen some people know a wounded deal when they see one and that's what these women are saying that his professional his skill is the art of the wounded woman and then he plays wounded. But then, you know, who do you talk to within the first day? They'll tell you they got sexually harassed. Not too many people. So as soon as he starts with that,

you start with your story about your uncle. And he's going to take care of you. He's going to do this and this. So that's how he went in. The stories that these women are saying are just fucking crazy. Like it's just other level fucking craziness. Mind manipulation, you know.

It's just deep old school pimp. Remember you and I went to see American Pimp? Yeah. And we went to that barbecue place. You took me to that good barbecue place next door where American Pimp was the Hughes brothers. Just that mentality of spotting those type of women. You know what's fucked up? It's horrible, and I feel terrible about it,

and it just makes me feel sick hearing the story. But what makes me laugh is if we found out that J-Lo had been capturing 15-year-old boys and pissing in their face, we would think it was hilarious. If J-Lo went to high school and she got all these sophomores and she brought them back to her place for a gangbang we would think these kids had a good fucking time that is what it's it's one of those big giant differences between the way we feel about men and women this r kelly thing is horrible But it is It is kind of funny

That if R. Kelly Was like a A really beautiful woman And she She was doing the exact same thing To 15 year old boys Making them live with her And eat her pussy and shit

We would think it's hilarious We would just think it's hilarious Madonna's doing it Yeah Madonna's doing it He does not read or write Exceedingly well Except when it comes to

Amazing musical tracks His attorney said Okay He doesn't read or write well That's sad The whole thing's sad But it is weird Our ideas

Of sex Based on gender It's fucking very different We feel very different About that story There'll be a hilarious story if there was some big tittied freak singer who has like a little sex cult and she brings 15 16 year old boys over we wouldn't really we would be like wow but we wouldn't feel

like a crime got committed we'd be like wow listen we're hypocrites because i make jokes of it on twitter i see another 16 year old teacher sucks a dick, you know. But then you think, Jesus Christ, I have a daughter. This swings both ways. Right. So we're hypocrites. And we're hypocrites on who we, you know. For years we heard about Michael Jackson.

There's people that look you in the fucking face and go, Michael Jackson never touched a kid. Yep. There's people who will look you in the face today and say, O.J. Simpson didn't kill that bitch. There's people that are going to think what they think, Joe Rogan. Yeah, I don't

obviously have any idea what happened with Michael Jackson, but I would assume that there was something wrong just based on the way he behaved i would say like what other things are weird about the way you behave the way you talk is weird like everything about you is like you're so so shattered by this whole fame thing and you're constantly getting plastic surgery to the point where nobody can even recognize you anymore i mean we never saw that before that's the

first superstar we ever saw that like literally became a different human being like changed his face changed his nose changed his chin changed everything the complexion of his skin the color of his eyes like everything just kept fucking with his face his nose would collapse and we were all aware of it we're like whoa joe rogan here's what you when you Never Never Land, I want you to watch it alone. And I want you to watch it from the perspective of what you've seen as a comedian alone. What is it actually called? Escape from Never Land?

Whatever the fuck it is. Never Never Land. I don't know. Finding Never Land? Don't worry. I'll take the fucking napkin. You know I'm not a pig. I know the napkin's bothering you.

It doesn't bother me at all. What I'm going to say to you is that when you watch this movie, you're going to get it the same way I got it. The lucky thing is that people like you and I didn't drink the Kool-Aid. You and I have been at the store, and you and I have had discussions, and you and I have seen it. It's 2020, whatever the fuck it is. I know you since 97 have seen. It's 2020, whatever the fuck it is. I've known you since 97, 98.

We've seen a thousand comics come and go. Some of it is addiction. Some of it is this lifestyle wasn't for them. But there's a percentage of them that one day you were talking to them about writing jokes. The next day they were talking to you about scripts and producing. They just lost their fucking mind and drank the Kool-Aid. And because they drank the Kool-Aid, now they come back to comedy.

And it's been four years that they've been playing their little fucking stupid charade. They lost all their steam. They lost all their steam. There's a lot of guys who are promising comics who wound up doing that. And they wound up bringing these scripts to Comedy Central and all these different places. I'm executive producing this and that and that and this. And then it all dries up. And then their act is not good anymore.

So when you watch this Never Never Land, you're going to see people who got caught up, Joe Rogan. People who lived in the Simi Valley and one day Michael Jackson came to your house and paid your bills and said, you know, I'm going to take you guys on the road with me. You're all included. It starts off with the room down the hall and then next

thing you know, he's in the room next to you. Now, there's no more rooms on levels in the same hotel, so you're in the hotel next door to you, but your son, your daughter really wants to sleep in Michael Jackson's room, daddy. But because you're getting thrown money to go out to dinners, a limo's picking you up to go see U2, you're going to leave your two daughters with fucking Michael Jackson.

They got caught up. This town is about getting caught up. I'm sure Marilyn Monroe didn't come to this town thinking she was going to be sucking Kennedy's dick, Sam Giancana's dick, and fucking the baseball player's dick. You know, they passed her around. Connor's dick and fucking the baseball player's dick. They passed her around. She was sucking. She was passing mob information to the Kennedys and back and forth. Did you ever think about

fucking that? I mean, not Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, yeah, I do. What the fuck I am talking about? One of them was fucking Kennedy or she did or whatever. Yeah, Marilyn. Marilyn. This town has been, you know. It's always been that way. We were talking about Fatty Arbuckle earlier. And we look at

what we pick and choose. You don't think that nobody knew about Harvey Weinstein. Nobody knew about Harvey Weinstein. Nobody knew. That's what you're telling me. Have you seen the video where Ricky Gervais jokes around about them being friends with Harvey Weinstein in

the last Golden globes and then there's a whole series of people thanking harvey getting up there and thanking harvey all these including people that have accused him of things getting up there and thanking them and talking about how they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for harvey weinstein i mean it's like fucking 10 minutes long it's all these famous people thanking harvey or god lol and everybody's laughing like people people were just giving him so much praise all these like super famous actors daniel day lewis everybody you name it everybody faye dunaway whoever they're all up there thanking harvey weinstein he's amazing harvey you're incredible it. It's crazy if you stop and think about how recent that was.

And nobody knows nothing. They knew. I don't think they knew, unless he did it to them, what it was. I think there's an innocence to a lot of people's perceptions about people like that, is that both parties are in on it right like the girl wants to go to him because he is going to offer her a role in a movie and he wants the girl to come to him because she's hot and he wants his dick sucked and they both know it right there's those cases but those are very different than the ones where he holds a girl down or he takes off his robe and

she expected it to be a real script and those are very very different things and i don't know if people knew about those i think they thought it was more of the former than the latter i think they thought it was more like creepy deals he made with actresses but kept his word and they sucked his dick but then when you get the other stories mixed and you go okay it's probably because they knew i bet the people around him knew he's a pig but probably didn't know what the the worst accusations were you know well they just didn't want to know jo Joe. That, too. That could be it, too. They knew, but they didn't want to know.

They had to go to his parties. They had to eat at his meals. They had to attend his functions. But they didn't really pass a line. Yeah. There's those people, too. Right. And then he made amazing movies, too.

And in a way, it's just as guilty. If I tell you right now that I'm going to shoot Red Band, and you sit here and I shoot Red Band, you get prosecuted. Oh, that's right, yeah. You get prosecuted. You're like an accessory. Your knowledge. So, you know, when Epstein or Weinstein or whatever these fucking guys were doing what they were doing, you had to know. I take you to a bar.

Within 20 minutes, you'll look at me and go, look at these guys doing blow on the bathroom. Right or wrong? True. Right? I go to fucking Dan Tannis to eat and I see a guy. I see a guy working a fucking, I see a chick working a guy for the small nickel. I even heard the guy look at him and go, 500? It was that first row where you're sitting and taking the bars right there.

About three, four months ago, it must have been, you know, it's, this is it. Yeah. Well, you remember when the guy from the Clippers got in trouble? What's that guy's name the owner yeah right what was his name sterling sterling sterling don don sterling right when he got got uh recorded saying the chick yeah it was a girl that he was banging but this girl he had bought her a penthouse he bought her a ferrari bought her a Bentley. And she was, for him, super hot. Like, look at her.

That is a pretty girl. And he's a disgusting looking old man. Right? So that was his Uber side piece. So he would just buy her everything. But after a while, she's like, ew. Enough. Ew. Ew. Pretty hot, though. everything but after a while she's like ew enough ew pretty hot though in like that kind of trashy way

now is that a me too situation no that's listen that's a he was he was clear and she was clear they were both doing it for very specific reasons. He bought her a bunch of really nice shit and he was rich and she was hot. And that's, is that her now? What's that thing over her face?

She fucking started wearing because she wanted to get seen. Oh, that was back in the day when Pepperazzi was going after her. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you. You bump into this broad.

Ah! Okay, at the wheat store. Is it a me too situation if you go, listen, are you working? Let me ask you a question. What if...

I think they have to come to you first. What if, okay, 500 fell out of my pocket, you suck my... You know, are you soliciting

prostitution? Are you soliciting an agreement? Or is that a me too situation? It's all the above i think uh the only way people would be comfortable with it and even then they probably wouldn't like like if if you believe in people's rights you have the right to do anything well you also have the right to be a hoe if you wanted to be a hoe so if the only way would ever be okay

is if she made it clear that she was willing to have sex for money. And this was her choice. She could do it with her body. Then people would probably leave you alone. But even then, they'd be mad at you. They'd be willing to pay for sex. You fucking disgusting piece of shit. You're supposed to pretend that you don't want to have sex with her.

And then you wouldn't be willing to pay for it. It would only be okay in everybody's eyes if it was the woman's choice but every time we think about if you think about sex for money everybody on at least i do i automatically think about sex trafficking which is like the worst possible case scenario right if you go to a prostitute that that prostitute is that's that's a sex slave right that was the thing that they got the craft guy they were they were using a false accusation against that guy that got jerked off you know the guy on the page yeah yeah guys just trying to get jerked off jesus christ leave him alone his wife died a bunch of years ago so he goes to this place

they're just regular hookers they jerked him off and then he got in real trouble and they were saying they were trying to connect him to like sex slavery it turned out that wasn't the case these are just massage ladies that jerk you off like those are real too i'm all over where i live i'm sure in the valley all that whole strip you got to be careful what you walk into you got to be careful the place i go to which is fucking tremendous look at this i mean just to show you. Look at that. My punch card is full, and I haven't even redeemed it.

All right? It's the Hung Foot Spa. I go in there. It's all guys and one chick, and the chick is built like me. And if you need a massage, they got, like, whatever down the street, and they got all the tights. They got all the.... They got all the Thai massage?

Thai. And what's the other one that's big? Shiatsu? No, it's a white new corporation. Massage Envy? Massage Envy. All those places on this block. Listen, you go give this little Chinese chick a junk food, a 40 spot, and then lay a

$60 tip on her. Because it's 40 for 45 minutes, and then lay a $60 tip on her. Because it's 40 for 45 minutes. I give her a $60 tip. She's on me for an hour. I leave there fucking dizzy. Really? She's tremendous. Tremendous.

They usually have the one, they have a fucking happy. I got turned on to this by a jujitsu guy. Do they do the elbow on your back and all that good stuff? I got turned on to this by a guy, Alberto Crane. He goes, bro, you want the best massager in town? I'll show you. And I go, I live right across the street. I live right around the corner from it.

I could walk there if I wanted to. You go in. There's some nights I go in on date night with my wife. We go on a date and we take sweats. And we switch there and we go and they pull your things. They fucking put your feet in the buckets. They rub you down. They do your they pull your things. They fucking put your feet in the buckets. They rub you down. They do your shoulders, your neck.

Sometimes I don't even want people rubbing my feet. I got that fucking fungi toenail. I don't want your little fucking Chinese hand on my fungi toenail. They just spread it to other fucking poor people. Oh, no. So I said, fuck it. Let me just go in here. Imagine if you were patient zero.

What's that? You were patient zero. If they're rubbing your feet and then it spreads to all these people and they have to fucking trace it back to you. Yeah, I'm the motherfucker. I got a front right toenail. I even got the groupon to get it blow torched. Really? Because you go up in the valley and the lady comes.

She sticks a thing in the nail and they blow hot. Another lady comes in and they got masks. It's hysterical. and they blow hot. Another lady comes in and they got masks. It's hysterical. And she comes in with cold air, like cryotherapy type air.

And the other chick comes with a blowtorch and they try to blow the fungus away. You got to smell that. You got to smell that. So I did like six appointments where they tried to burn the fungus off. Oh my God. It doesn't work? The toenail was on fire.

It doesn't work. Let me show you. No, it spread to the other one now. No. So now I got the big one and the one next to it, Louie. Oh, no. And he is the ugliest thing in the world. It looks like one of those fucking hoops from an eagle.

Every time I go to jujitsu, I try to hide it with a Band-Aid, but it cuts right through the Band-Aid. It's horrible. I don't know what else to do. I have to take a medication, but I don't know if my kidneys can handle it because of the blood pressure medication. You have to take a fungi thing that zaps it.

But I took one, and I tried to zap it, and it still didn't kill it. Is there anything you could apply topically, or does it have to be a pill? They talk. I've done everything. Really? I've done everything. The apple cinnamon cider.

Apple cinnamon cider? Fucking Clorox. I dipped it in. I wrapped it in a fucking Clorox, and it's great because I cut it. The best thing I do is I cut it. Like some nights when I'm bored, I cut it. And then I take the grinder to it. And I grind it into like Coke powder. And it grinds down.

You have to smell that powder to believe it. It is so stinky. And I just touch it. Oh, Jesus Christ. And I have to wipe down the fucking counter and throw it away. But I will grind those first two toes. It's like a fucking. Oh, my God. Like you those first two toes. It's like a fucking.

Like you're sanding your toes. Oh, my God. It's a sander that I got the extra rock for. I had my wife go on Amazon and get like the fucking auto body. Pumice stone. Yeah. Auto body. This is auto body shit. And I just fucking sand that fucking toenail down.

It's not even a toenail no more. Oh, my God. I said, what are you going to do? I don't even know. Jesus Christ. I don't know where I got it. It's internal. Oh, it's internal?

Yeah, because that's how the fungus is coming out of you. Oh, so it's in your body and then it just comes out through your toes. So it can come out other spots? Yeah, but I'm not getting it on my nails or nothing like that. It's just on that one fungi toenail. What if it came out on your balls? Doug, listen, I'm at the age you don't want to even go down. You ever get to a point where you don't even want your wife to suck your dick?

It's a nightmare down there. The turtleneck, the nutsack is fucking longer than that. It's a fucking nightmare. I don't know how women could suck an old man dick. Because I look at my dick in the mirror when I go to Vegas. They got those good mirrors. Because you never really look. When you're at home, you look at your dick.

It looks the way it does every day because you're used to that mirror. Right. It's not that you go away and you ever walk past on a vacation or something when you're on the road working. You walk past the mirror and it catches you like, I'm getting a little fat. Like the real hotel mirrors don't fuck around. It's the mirror of your house.

But when you look at you at 56, my dick has been through hell. It's got odors you haven't smelled. It smells like Newark, Staten Island. The pee is different. Have you ever smelled your pee lately? I'm trying not to.

Remember when the old Machida was saying, drink his pee? I'll give him a shot of my pee. This motherfucker, this will poison you. When I wake up in the morning, that first dose of pee is the worst smelling thing in the world. Before I go to bed, I drink water,

a little bit of tart cherry juice, and I take a fucking baby aspirin because the high level after 50 is to get the heart attack between 530 and 12. I was making a mistake in taking the aspirin at 7. It's too late. You can have a heart attack. If you take that before you go to sleep, it's better for you. I got to ask you this before we stop doing this.

Before the podcast, we were talking about the betting line for this weekend. Right, sir. For Connor and Cowboy. Right, sir. And what were you saying? What were you saying about the over-under? You guys are both talking about it. You're talking about the over-under. It's like one... One and a half is the over-under. Yeah, they're trying to get people to bet into the football game.

So what they're doing right now is what they did, they did something spectacular. For starters, when you gamble, you don't gamble on the event. You have to look at what happened the week before and what's going to happen the week after that. Now is the prime time if you're a gambler because you have college basketball, pro basketball. You got action every day, bitch.

This is when people lose houses. This time of the year is bad. You got football playoffs. Tonight's the fucking national game. That's big. LSU, Clemson. College football. Tonight's big. This is big money.

So tonight's big and then we have playoffs are on Saturday, correct sir? Sunday. Sunday. So we got Conor McGregor. So right now, the fucking ESPN two-minute tape where they just showed Conor. Tonight, UFC preview airs at 8 o'clock or 6, and it'll show you both training camps and other people who are on the card or whatnot.

Everybody's forcing you to back Conor McGregor. whatnot. Everybody's forcing you to bet Conor McGregor. After this weekend, nobody, not even our man Jamie, had fucking the Tennessee Titans to beat Baltimore. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.

Everybody and their mother bet Baltimore. Even John Rowell said something. For John Rowell to say something, it was like it wasn't going to happen. Baltimore had been on a hot roll. Baltimore, and there was another upset, too. Kansas City beat the Texans, right? Yeah, but they were down 24-0. They were down 24-0.

Will you pull up the UFC card for this weekend so I can see who's on the card? That's right. There's the—okay. So what—everybody's going to be trying to bet Cerrone. What's the line at Cerrone right now? So you could get what this is. Plus 260 for him. Plus 260.

Over, under one and a half rounds. But if I go over one and a half, what do I make? I make a little more money, don't I? The over, the under would be the little bit plus. The plus 105 for under. So I guess the money is on the over right now. It's minus 135. How can the fucking money be in the over?

It's very slight, though. Okay. Look at this. Diego Ferreira is the favorite over Anthony Pettis. That's an interesting fight right there. So right there, they know something we don't know. That's interesting. Diego's very good.

He's a very good fighter. Holly Holm, Rachel Pennington. Yeah, that's a good fight. She's Holly Holm's given, right? Excuse me? She's a favorite, Holly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Rachel Pennington is tough, man. She's very tough. Pennington is one of those chicks that like she's had some last second wins like against um Ashley Evan Smith one of the like wildest endings in a female fight she gets her in a bulldog choke and chokes her unconscious with blood spraying out of her forehead it was a wild man. See if you can find that finish. Ashley Evan Smith, Raquel Pennington

finishes Ashley Evan Smith. So right now, what does that look like? Donald Cerrone against Conor. What's the money look like? I don't understand the money line. I don't know. I would be just talking out of my ass. Yeah, if you bet a hundred bucks on Cal Widowin and he wins the fight, you'd get

260. So you'd collect $360. And if you bet $100 on Conor? You'd have to bet $320 to win $100 on Conor. All right. He's minus $320. The only way you can win this weekend is with Conor

and you see Conor going in there and knocking him out in the first round in the under. But if Conor, if Foucault wrestles him and it goes five rounds, I don't see a lot of people betting Conor in the over. Conor looks so good that people are expecting Conor to go in there and knock him right out. This is Raquel Pennington's fight. So just go towards the end of it. It was a wild fight, man.

And Ashley Evans-Smith is the woman who beat Fallon Fox, the transgender fighter. She stopped her in her fight right before she came to the UFC. It was just a wild fight, man. These girls were going to war. And so at the very last, I i mean i think it was like the last second of the fight she's locking her up in this bulldog choke and this is why look at blood is spraying out of her head oh they don't show the finish that's ufc is sneaky like that they don't want you to see the tap or the knockout like i don't get it guys i work for you i love you

show everybody the choke why are you hiding the choke anyway maybe it's just a time constraint but she got her in this bulldog choke blood is squirting out of her head and then at the end of the the buzzer she lets go and the girl's out cold and it was just like whoa it was like one of those fights just whoa like when it's happening like holy shit you know you see something that's just primal there's moments and fights that are just primal you know and sometimes those moments are like they're almost surreal like when francis and ghanu knocked down alistair overeem boom you're like oh just primal just what who cut his lip who up ohstreich. Oh, my gosh. Rosenstreich's now going to fight Francis.

Jairzino, Rosenstreich, and Francis in Ghana. Where? Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. God damn, that's a crazy fight. I almost wish more people knew how tough Rosenstreich is. You see the fight with Alistair Overeem, and you go, well, Alistair was kind of out pointing him and then he caught Alistair slipping really with like 10 seconds left to

go in the fight and hit him with a bomb and broke his lip open. That's true. But he still absorbed everything that Alistair threw at him. It never looked like he got shook at all. And we're talking about a guy in Alistair who's knocked out Junior Del Santos, knocked out, you know, was the K-1 Grand Prix champion. Fucking Grand Prix. No, tremendous resume. The way he knocked out Todd Duffy in Pride. Fucking knocked out our boy. Was it Rison? He kneed your boy there,

fucking the great white hope. You know, what's his name? Mark Hunt? No, he's not the great white hope. He's the Australian killer. Oh, Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar. That's a perfect example of him.

But meanwhile, Rosenstreich just walked through all that. And I'm not suggesting that the Alistair of today, he's had a long career, that he's as durable and as big as he was when he fought Brock Lesnar. It's really two different guys at this point. But still, Rosenstreich is a fucking beast. He's so strong, man. And he's got legit kickboxing skills. What does he have in this weekend, G-Money?

This is what it seems to me. It seems to me that Conor McGregor has an advantage in being able to close the distance and maybe a speed advantage. This is a perceived thing based on seeing them fight different people. Cowboy, when he's at his best, is remarkably well-rounded. And I think he's more well-rounded than Conor. I think Cowboy has a lot of tools that people forget about, particularly his takedowns are excellent.

Cowboy can submit the fuck out of you. He submits a lot of people. He's nasty off his back. He's got wicked triangles. I could see, if this went to the ground, Conor getting submitted by Cowboy in a triangle. What I couldn't see is Cowboy getting submitted by Conor in a triangle. I could see Cowboy submitting Conor.

I don't think it's impossible for Conor to submit Cowboy, but I don't see it. I think Conor can win by knockout. Yes. He's very fast. Yes. His left hand is a fucking piston, and he's sneaky, and he's got nasty uppercuts, and he's got a killer instinct.

When he has you hurt he fucking bombs on you and the eddie alvarez fight is the best example that eddie alvarez was a world-class fighter and conor mcgregor took it to him like no one has ever done in his career tuned him up made him look like he had no business in the in the cage with him now for eddie he said like he just fought a bad fight and i believe him. Eddie's a world-class fighter. But the point is, in go time, Conor McGregor handles pressure as much or better

as good as well or better than anyone who's ever lived. He handles pressure so well. Catches Floyd Mayweather with an uppercut in a fight where he's so outclassed. He has zero boxing matches, and he's fighting the greatest boxer of all time in one of the biggest

pay-per-view cards ever. It's nuts, right? So he can handle pressure. He lost that fight because Floyd's a way better boxer. But he handled the pressure. Pressure against Aldo. Talked so much shit for a year. Going on tour together. Tearing pictures of him. Stealing his belt.

Gets in front of him stealing his belt gets in front of him flatlines him in 13 seconds perfect punch perfect execution like it measures him with one left hand before that steps back he dives in with the left bang catches him coming in it's perfect under pressure he's not the kind of grappler that Nurmagomedov is. He's not in that category. Does he have pressure on this fight? Oh, he's got so much pressure. He fought the guy who everyone's terrified of.

And at least he made it into the fourth round, right? Wasn't it a fourth round submission? Yeah. And he probably wasn't really prepared for that fight. You think about how much time he'd been off of MMA, how much time he'd been working on just boxing and then spending all that money, because he made like $100 million.

The question for me is, who is Conor right now? Is Conor McGregor the same guy that knocked out Dustin Poirier when he was a savage? Is he the same guy that knocked out Diego Brandao? Is he the same guy that knocked out Jose Aldo? Is he the same guy that knocked out Jose Aldo? Is he the same guy who knocked out Eddie Alvarez? Or is he just some new thing because all this money and all this fame and all this attention and he likes to party? What is he now? If he's the same guy, physically there should be no reason why he isn't. He hasn't taken

any terrible beatings. Even in the Nurmagomedov fight, he stopped him with a choke. If he is the same guy physically and he decides he wants to let the fucking world know that he can still do it, and who gives a fuck how much money he has in the bank? He wants to let the world know he's here to fuck people up. And he's here to reclaim his crown. If he goes into the fight with that attitude i mean we could certainly see a resurgence the question has always been whether or not a rich man has the motivation to work like a poor man and uh he's a very rich man we don't know everybody's different mayweather fought hard to

the day he died or excuse me to the day he retired and mayweather when he was during his career was rich like from like a couple years in he was rich he was rich so he was always rich and still fought like the best in the world and still trained like you have to train to be the best what type of gaps was he taking in between fights guys this has been a long gap before it's not fair. Before Norma Mega Wolf, it was a long gap. It's true. The game has evolved a lot. In a real world, again,

what you heard me telling Jamie was basically this. In a real world, you know, Saron, what's he done in the last five fights Cerrone He's had He's had some

Ups and downs Ups and downs Lost to Gagey Lost to Masvidal Lost real bad To Darren Till The Darren Till one Was a bad one

So out of the last five fights He's two and three Is what you're telling me Lost to Tony Ferguson Beat Al Iacquinta though And looked real fucking good Doing it two and three is what you're telling me. Lost to Tony Ferguson. Beat Al Iacquinta, though, and looked real fucking good doing it. So he's lost two. The Gaethje fight, and he beat Mike Perry,

which was a really good fight for him because Mike Perry is a big, scary guy, throws bombs. So he beat him. Lost to Leon Edwards. I think he was sick coming into that fight but lost either way. And beat Yancy Medeiros in a wild fight. So I'm just saying that in the real world he should take

him out. People looking at him. I don't think this is going to be that easy of a fight. I like the over. I love the over. I can't pick a side yet but I love the over. I can see pick a side yet, but I love DeOva. I could see everybody betting McGregor to win round one and something crazy happening.

I mean, in a perfect world, maybe his chin's been a little suspect lately. Donald, I don't know. I don't think so. I think he's just been fighting werewolves. He's been fighting the toughest guys in the world. Look, everybody's chin suspect if Darren Till is smashing your fucking nose open with an elbow. That dude's an animal, and he's big as fuck. When Darren Till fought Cowboy, he was so much bigger than him.

There was a difference between a really big welterweight and a guy who came up from lightweight. Darren Till's a giant dude. I mean, his nickname's The Gorilla. So here we go. Yeah, he beat Aya Quinta. He beat Alexander Hernandez. That was a fantastic fight. That was a fantastic fight.

You can't write this kid out. Hernandez is a young, tough guy who's talking mad shit. But there's a giant difference between no disrespect to a Hernandez and a Conor McGregor. Yes. Conor McGregor's used to those bright lights, man. He shines. He shines to those bright lights, man. He shines. He shines under those bright lights. To me, the question is really just whether or not he has the motivation to train and

fight like a fucking madman again, like he did when he was younger when he was smashing people. And for Cowboy, it's whether or not he can survive the early storm. I think getting his leg kicks working would be very big because Conor likes to take that long stance. Conor take that long stance. Conor takes that long stance and he fights right leg forward. He fights southpaw. And if Donald can

fuck up that right leg, he can figure out a way to attack that right leg. Knees to the body coming in. He's got to avoid the punches though. If he's up there with, who did I say he's with? He's with Sergio Pettis' coach up there. He's training with Duke Rufus I say he's with? He's with Sergio Perez's coach up there. He's training with Duke Rufus.

Yeah, he said Duke Rufus, Rufusport. If he's at Rufusport for this camp, they're probably working on a lot of kickboxing. But I guarantee Woodley and him are doing some wrestling takedown. Because he knows that's where the money's going to be. Woodley has a big fight coming up. Woodley's going to fight Leon Edwards. And Leon Edwards is a dangerous man. It's like that's where the money's going to be. Woodley has a big fight coming up. Woodley's going to fight Leon Edwards. And Leon Edwards is a dangerous man. It's like that's a big fight.

And Leon Edwards, for whatever reason, is not known as much as he is skillful. You know, he beat Cowboy, like we said. And he's the guy that got in that crazy brawl with Masvidal backstage. Masvidal hit him with the two-piece and the soda. But that guy's a tough, tough guy super highly skilled guy and leon edwards and tyron woodley that's a very high stakes fight that a lot of people aren't talking about like that's the fight for the number one contender because if tyron emerges or if leon emerges and it's and it's a big fight and the fight goes well, that person is almost certainly at least considered,

other than Masvidal, who's the fan favorite, and then the rematch. Those are the two possibilities, the rematch with Colby and Usman. Other than that, you want to see the winner of Tyron Woodley and Leon Edwards. It just makes sense. It makes sense that that would be the next one or Masvidal. That's how I would look at it. I would look at it that way. I would look at it like there's a lot of options.

There's a lot of options for that division. And now Conor's talking about fighting Usman. That would be bonkers. So if Conor beats Cowboy and decides he feels great at this weight, he feels confident now and dedicated, he wants to make a run at the fucking champ, there is a big size difference between Usman and Conor. Usman is a big person.

He's got a thick frame. A lot of those 170 guys are big, too. Colby's a big fella. Colby's a big fella. They're big. Colby's a big fella. Tillman's big. So is fucking Masvidal big. Masvidal's big.

They're big at 170. Yep. There's somebody else at 170 that's deceiving as fuck, too. I think Masvidal's in the sweet spot. He's not too big where he has to kill himself to make the weight, but he can obviously knock out welterweights easily. He's knocked out a lot of welterweights. I mean, the Ben Askren one is fucking preposterous.

But, of course, just even the beating that he's putting on Nate Diaz. Masvidal can fuck people up at 170. I think him versus Conor would be insane. You fucked me up, dog. You fucked me up by not bringing back Duran with you. You're just taking him back. That fucked me up. When I called you that with you. You're just taking him back. That fucked me up. When I called you that morning, I thought you were telling me this.

I got Duran. I'm going to put him up at the compound for a week. You know, I went down a foxhole of his fights. Oh, he was amazing. About a month ago. Just that whole era. Yeah. I've been turning people on just to that whole era.

The other day, we were talking about because I got pissed off with that fucking Bikram thing because he said he came to the United States on the pretension that he had won three national yoga competitions. And I'm not that stupid. I grew up on Wide World of Sports. We learned everything on Wide World of Sports. I saw a dude catch a bullet with his mouth on Aaron Banks' tournament. Aaron Banks. Karate tournament? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. New York City. Aaron Banks. He caught a bullet with his teeth? Aaron Banks was hired. There was a dude who that's what he was known for. It's on YouTube.

Is that real? I don't know how he did it, Joe. Joe, they put a glass in front of the guy. So a bullet goes through the glass? 22. He put a special mouthpiece on, and they shoot. How close was the glass? Watch.

Let me go pee real quick. You watch. Play that for me. Give me some volume. But there's one from Wild Wild. Okay, so it's just music. That's all right. The guy's name is Ralph.

Can I see it? Well, it's supposed to be the video, I thought. What's happening here? Maybe not. They're just probably showing it in slow-mo. But there's got to be someone who Snopes this. I believe Penn and Teller do it now. They do it?

Yeah. They catch a bullet in their teeth? Uh-huh. Well, Penn would be the first one to tell you it's bullshit i mean that's half of their shtick i should probably get him back in here have him explain how the fuck someone catches a bullet in their teeth there's no bullshit might not be the way to do it but there's a way to do it that's safer than shooting a gun at your teeth, I think. I don't think they shoot a gun at your teeth because I don't think you could do that a whole lot of times. See, if a guy's doing that, he's doing it, I think I can do it, Dad.

Okay, give it a shot, son. No, he's done it before, right? If he's doing this bullet thing in front of people, I would assume that's not the first and only time he's catching a bullet in his teeth. David Blaine did it too. Right. But you're listening to me? Yeah, yeah. That means you have to practice.

How many times are you going to let a dude shoot you in the face? How are you practicing that? That's not real. David Blaine did it with a metal cup in his mouth. Oh, wow. So the metal cup caught the bullet? Another guy wore, I think this guy that Joey watched had steel dentures. Oh, my God.

Even if you had steel dentures, if someone were to shoot you in the face, you've got to make sure that they don't hit your lips. Do you know how hard it is to not hit someone in the lip? How close do you have to be? Where you're with a pistol? Is that what they're using? You can absolutely assure. Is that.357? Oh, Jesus.

There's no way. That can't be real. One person died doing it of course they did the most famous person to die while doing the trick always performs silently because he apparently spoke no english when his final performance of the trick went wrong and he was accidentally shot in the chest he exclaimed in perfect english oh my god something's happened lower the curtain at his autopsy it was discovered that he was not chinese but an american named william robinson but that's a story for

another day it's like a good movie you're talking about a guy who uh was his scam was he would let people shoot him and he would catch the bullet in his teeth and uh his name was chung ling su and he pretended he was chinese but then he accidentally got shot in the chest the guy didn't shoot him in the mouth shot him in the chest instead and he as he drops down he said oh my god something's happened lower the curtain in perfect english so the autopsy revealed that he was not chinese but an american named william robinson can't do that today cultural appropriation. But even back then, that's a hilarious way to die. Was this one of the guys that was catching bullets with his teeth?

Yeah, there was a couple of those fucking lunatics. So that's how I knew. I grew up on Wild Brother Sports. They showed you everything. But I got caught in a foxhole. They had Hagler. Hagler and Durant? Ooh, Hagler and Mugabe was amazing.

Because in those days, they used to do a pay-per-view on Saturday, and then you had to wait a week for Saturday. Sunday. Saturday. No, next Saturday. The following Saturday would be on Wide World of Sports, if you could hold on. But I still remember, dog, being a fucking kid on a Saturday and watching Doon Kung Kim and Mancini kick the fuck out of each other.

Because that was live on YBC. YBL Sports. Absolutely. Yeah. Doon Kung Kim. That was the reason why they changed the round number from 15 down to 12 after that guy died. Where was that again? This was in Las Vegas, Nevada.

It looks like it's outside, doesn't it? Yeah, it is outside. It's outside. Yeah, I still remember this. That's crazy. Tim Ryan, you handsome fella. This had to be January or February of 83? Dude, this was a crazy fucking fight.

When was this? November 82, like two months before that. November of 82 Mancini was an animal Remember when he fought Alexis Arguello? I think that's this right here Alexis He

The Korean guy Dookum King God rest his soul Wrote on a piece of wood Before he went out to fight Him Kill or be killed Yeah

That guy was a tough motherfucker Ray Boom Boom Mancini Tough motherfucker this was 1979 he was 21 years old is this the duck who kim fight so imagine he killed somebody when he was 21 years old in a fight that is hardcore man that's a hard show what was the probably both things and then also probably probably had to make weight A lot of deaths in boxing apparently happen in the lower weight classes, and one of the reasons is that when these guys actually enter into fights, a lot of times they're still dehydrated.

They would dehydrate themselves pretty bad in the weigh-ins to get to whatever weight class it was, like 134, but he probably weighs, you know, 134 and a quarter is what he weighed in. He probably walks around like 150-ish or something like that. And they dehydrate themselves, and it's very difficult to rehydrate the brain apparently. It's not as quick and easy as it is rehydrating the body, and even that takes some time. So most of the deaths in boxing have occurred, most of them. It's still very dangerous.

Even for the heavyweight division, there was a guy who went into a coma a russian guy in a fight a few years back um but in the lighter weight divisions they think it's generally when people get more uh more more likely die from fights and they think it might have something to do with cutting weight but it's also like you know really skillful people punching each other in the head the gerald mcclellan fight from fights and they think it might have something to do with cutting weight but it's also like you know really skillful people punching each other in the head the gerald mcclellan fight is a good example that they always point to because gerald mcclellan who was just a straight up murderer when he was a light heavyweight really struggled to make weight man real bad and in one fight um with nigel ben nigel ben got off the deck and it looked like he was out

and made it back into the ring fought his ass off and then started taking it to gerald but this don't come came right here again yeah and that was the end of the fight after ray mancini stopped him everybody's all happy but then the guy slides into a coma winds up dying see he's sitting there like so he's he's really battered they think again they think it might have something to do with cutting weight it's a fucking horrible horrible way to go man but kill or be killed that's what he signed up. That's what he wrote before he went out there to fight him. I mean, and he fought that way too. You know what I saw recently?

It was one of the wildest fights. Roberto Duran and Sugar Ray Leonard won. Holy shit. Is it wild? Oh, my God. That's the one from Toronto, right? I think. Yeah.

Toronto was the first one. Louisiana was the second one. Montreal. Montreal was the second one. Yeah, that's a good one. Montreal was the first one. Louisiana was the second one. Montreal. Montreal was the second one. Yeah, that's a good one. Montreal was the first one? Yeah. That's a really good one.

God damn it was good. That's a really good one. It was crazy. There's some crazy, Papina Cuevas, there's some crazy fights on there. These guys were so fast. Both Leonard and Duran were so fast back then. And Leonard was just, I mean, he was America's darling Olympic gold medalist, handsome sweetheart of a guy, and Roberto Duran was a straight-up savage who was sponsored by a cigarette company. Look at that.

He's got a cigarette company logo on his back. That was a cigarette company, wasn't it? Looks like Marlboro. I think he had a cigarette company sponsor him. Either way. Maybe it was just the design. He was a monster. And he just jumped on top of Sugar Ray Leonard and wouldn't let him breathe.

And Sugar Ray decided to try to fight his fight. Squirt up to the fight. Squirt up a little to the fight. Sugar Ray just decided to try to engage him up close like this. So they fought these kind of fights like this. In the clinch. Total fucking chaos kind of fighting, which favors Duran. You know, Duran was just a relentless mauling animal.

You love that shit. But see how he's like wrestling with him and fucking underhooking him and pushing him against the ring, staying in his face. He's not giving him any chance to move. And in the rematch, obviously Sugar ray fought a totally different fight and got roberto duran to quit but it was an amazing fight and historically like one of the greatest boxing matches ever just chaos as sugar ray leonard taking a chance and you know his ego probably got the better of him said i'm gonna beat you at your own game or try to it and duran just stuck

to him like glue and just ripped at his body and stayed on him. And then after it's over, Duran still pushed him away. He was like, get the fuck away from me. Like after the fight was over, Duran was still mad at him. Great head movement. It was in Montreal. It was in Canada because a couple days before the fight,

Duran bumped into Sugar Ray Leonard. And Sugar Ray, being the nice guy that he is, had his wife with him and his kids. And he goes, come on, let's go over and say hello to Roberto. And he goes, Roberto, como esta? And Roberto's like, get the fuck out of my face before I fuck your wife in the ass. He said, read the book, the book I gave you.

I believe it. Read the book. And it got into Sugar Ray's head so badly that that was how he beat him. He said that to him. I'm going to fuck your wife in the ass. See? Yeah. He comes running back at him and pushes and

watches. Look, put the fuck away from me. See that shit? He's an animal. Still screaming at him. Fuck you. Screaming at him. After a war, Duran beat him. Duran was a monster. He was so angry. Look at him.

Bro, even after all that fighting, still angry. Look at Mama La Pinga. That's what he's saying. Mama La Pinga, yeah. He's a fucking savage. He was an intelligent savage. Like a savage technician. His boxing was so beautiful.

Duran was like, he just knew how to nullify you. Take away all, and put his will on you, man. Animal. All right. I got to wrap this up, Joey. I got another podcast I got to do. I love you, brother. I love you, too.

Thank you very much. I won't see you this week. When am I going to see you again? Tuesday? Tomorrow night? No. I'm going to be at Sam Tripoli's thing tomorrow. Oh, I'll be there.

Then I'm going to be at the Improv at 1030. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll see you then. Then it's me and you. And then I'm going to be at the Improv at 1030. Oh, yeah, okay. I'll see you then. It's me and you. And then I got Tabernacle next week. Oh, shit. Atlanta.

I love that place. That's why I did the special with you. Oh, shit, yeah. That's why I thought Brendan Shaw was going to beat me up. I love you, brother.

I love you too, man. Good to see you. Good to see you, Jamie. Make the right choice tonight. Bye, everybody.