The Joe Rogan Experience - #1413 - Bill Maher

Episode Date: January 17, 2020

Bill Maher is a comedian, political commentator, and television host. The new season of his show "Real Time with Bill Maher" premieres January 17 on HBO.

Hello, Bill. Great to be here in the man cave. This is the professional extension of the man cave. This part is where real work gets done. This is the only part in the building. It's worth it just to see it. No, really. I thought I was, and I did not expect this.

But, you know, as I was just telling you off the air, I invited myself on this show. Yes. Well, you requested and I would have invited you. I said, what are we doing? We're coming back on the air. Real Time's coming back in a few days. And we always do something to promote it. I said, let's do that show.

You know, I like that show. Why can't I do the shows I listen to? Wow. Got that in Mexico. We should put that in a, it looks like it should be a ring. Maybe for a slash. For a roadie. For a roadie.

What season are you guys coming into? Oh, fuck. I don't know. Seasons, it's hard to – I can just go by years. We started on HBO in 2003. But then we used to do – for the first few years, they had us do two seasons. It took them a while to get the idea that this is not like The Sopranos or any other show. This kind of show is a habit show.

It has to be on most of the year. We used to do a season from February to, like, May, and then we'd be off for four months and come back for a few months in the fall. That's not the way you can do it when you're following events, a live show. So finally, somewhere in there, they just, okay, so then it was one long season as opposed to two.

So I guess they counted the early years as two. We've been on HBO since 2003. But, of course, I started, you were on the old show, Politically Incorrect. Somebody sent me a clip of that. Wow. I couldn't even bear to watch it just from the way we looked. It was too sad. Time is cruel.

Actually, we look better now just because we look douchier. Younger, of course. I mean, that's the tradeoff in life is that you're douchier when you're younger, but you do look more pristine, shall we say. You're less beaten down by time. Yeah, but that started in 93. So I've already passed my – we did a 25th anniversary show about a year and a half ago yeah in the fall of 18 it aired um i couldn't believe that do you know they're trying to bring back politically incorrect who is they whoever the fuck they are they came to me yeah that's

so funny because i suggested that a while ago with it, not with me hosting it, of course, but with somebody else hosting it. But I'll have to ask my manager about that. I thought we, I guess we sold it. I think that's true. When we moved to ABC, it must be ABC. When we moved to ABC, I think we probably sold them the rights to the show, which was probably stupid, but at the time it made sense. Well, good luck with it. I'm not doing it. It was one of those questions. My manager calls me up and says,

you're not going to want to do this, but I'm obligated to tell you. Why wouldn't you want to do it? It just doesn't seem like something I'd want to do. Now I'm insulted. No. I'm just kidding. I would never want to take over your show after you did it, and then you got it stripped away for saying something.

The whole thing was, once someone does a show, leave it alone. Right. Leave it to another moment. Yeah. If you left and they started doing real time with Adam Carolla. Right. Which is exactly what they will be doing. It's just, come up with a new fucking show.

Right. Do you feel constrained by the time, by the hour format? Sometimes. I was on with Howard Stern recently and I was saying that to him and I feel the same sometimes when I watch or listen to you. It's funny. I don't get American. People's attention span is either

seven seconds or three hours yeah there's no there's no in between well uh there's a lot of us that's what it is this this a lot of people yeah they're playing to the people the shortest attention span you see this is all they have this is all that's there that's not true but it takes a big risk to play the three hours i mean there are virtues and vices to both of them i mean i do like um being forced to condense uh and for people i always think of the person watching my show as the person who is interested in current events but doesn't have the time to follow it during the week. They've got kids and jobs and lives. They are going to watch me to

catch them up. And it's my job to obviously entertain them, but also to point out what's important. What happened this week that you should know about? Somewhere in that live hour, whether it's in the monologue or in new rules or the editorial I do at the end or in the panel, somewhere I want to cover everything I think you should know. It doesn't necessarily mean it's the things that the newspaper or other outlets thought was important. What I think is really important that's what i'm going to cover so there is something to be said for condensing there's also a lot to be said for letting it breathe you know i mean letting it breathe i do miss that sometimes i wish i could and very often we're in the middle of a discussion and i have to move on but i feel like with the way things are

going now with streaming like i know know HBO has their new streaming service. Maybe they could just give you an option to let some of those conversations lengthen out. It just seems like some of them you're just getting started and you have to cut them off. You're right. And again, sometimes people just want the headlines. Very often I'm reading something and it's too long.

I just think, you should have given me – the New York Times starts every article. Just tell me what happened. Don't give me the background and on a rocky road in Afghanistan, as Fran Lebowitz once said. Just get to the part I care about. Movies are too long. Lots of stuff is too long. People need editors. But these kind of conversations lend themselves more than most art forms

to just letting it happen. And, yeah, it's more natural. I mean, I like the fact that unlike my early days when you'd sweat backstage and you'd hear the Tonight Show band playing and it's like, you know, Johnny's going to ask you this and then you're going to say that and you're going to do this and don't fucking veer from this. You get in trouble and this is good. I didn't prepare anything. Yeah. You know, obviously you didn't prepare anything. No.

I'm kidding. I did. Really, you have no list of questions? No, no. I know you. I like you. I'm sure I'm not going to run out of questions? No, no. I know you. I like you. I'm sure I'm not going to run out of things to ask you or talk to you about. But that's a talent in itself that you could do that off the top of your head.

I think you think it's not that much of a talent. But trust me, a lot of people could not do that. I don't know if I would trust myself if you said, you have two hours with this guy. myself if you said you have two hours with this guy i i would i would it would be in the back of my mind like shit what if an hour and 10 minutes in i'm like fuck i gotta take a one more thing i can't imagine if you and i were at dinner together for two hours we'd run out of shit to talk about that's probably true so that's this okay it's the same shit followed by dead air why complete dead air listen Listen, man, I've been a fan of yours

for a long time. I bought True Story. And I have you. Wow. Yeah, I bought that book way back in the day, man. I was living in New York. It was a great book.

Thank you. It's a very underrated book on stand-up comedy. I appreciate that. Yeah, it's a novel. Yeah. You know, it's a novelization of my early life.

Very accurate, though. Like, you could feel like you lived the life and you know the names were hilarious of the characters you chose no i worked probably harder on that than almost anything i've ever done i would never really yeah i would never write another novel well just to to make every sentence every paragraph or telling, no extra words. To me, that's the kind of... What year did you write that? It's funny. I started it in the early 80s when I was still almost living it. And I would get busy

and put it aside and I'd look at it for years. And then I did a... This is my old life in 1985 in December I went down to Zihuatanejo, Mexico to do the memorable TV movie TV movie there's a phrase

that dates you the memorable TV movie Club Med I think we all remember it no we don't Linda Hamilton was the star

I think I do remember it I hope you don't I remember Linda Hamilton was the star. I think I do remember it. I hope you don't. I remember Linda Hamilton in a movie with you. Now I'm picturing it. It was a TV movie, and we stayed at the Club Med. I was in, you know, it was kind of a low-budget thing as far as the people in the cast and crew went because we stayed at the Club Med, which was not a luxury hotel. You know what Club Meds are. You give up your money.

You pay everything in beads. But you don't really need money. For people who just – you're going to enjoy the outside. That's why you're in Mexico. So the room is monastic, right? There's no TV because you're out all day. You're just going to be in the waves and then you're going to fuck and go to sleep and whatever. So I had a lot of free time because I wasn't in the shot every day, but I was in Mexico.

Eventually, I got fucking cabin fever down there. I couldn't wait to get home. But I was there a long time and had nothing to do, and I wrote a lot of the novel there. And I put it away again. And then I was in a real career slump in the early 90s. I had finished with acting mostly. I didn't want to do that anymore.

I'd done a few sitcoms, and I didn't want to be the office creep forever. And so I was just like nowhere. And that's when I finished it. And also that's like the year I did cocaine, which I probably would not have finished it without that. It was only one year. It was one year. I was never meant to do cocaine when everyone was doing it. I never wanted it. You know me, I'm a pothead like you. It's not my drug. But if you really insist, you can get into any drug. And I just happened to be at this point in my life where I was vulnerable to any... I had nothing to do all day. I wasn't working. So, uh, and it helps you write. It helps you. It's a productivity drug. It's a productivity drug. I was, it was never a drug that I liked because I wasn't social on it, but I could, I used to like to have sex on it.

Really? Most men did not. I love that. And, uh, and write, but I didn't want to talk. Some people are like, that guy, I was never that guy who did coke and talk a blue streak. No, but it helped me concentrate and organize and that kind of stuff. And then I was probably smoking pot too. I was smoking cigarettes. It was not a healthy year. That was not a healthy year. I remember, you know, because cocaine, which is, kids, that is the worst drug. It really is. Because you get a little honeymoon period, and then that quickly goes away, and then you're chasing that high. And, you know, it's not healthy. And then, you know, you're trying to, at the end of the night, take the edge off. You know, you're into that, put the edge, the night, take the edge off. You're into that put the edge back on.

I took it off too much by drinking Jack Daniels. Damn, now I've got to take it off again. I put it on too much. I never touched it. I got lucky. You're very smart. I would have probably really enjoyed it. I think I would have really enjoyed it.

That's probably why I didn't. Again, at the beginning. It's very much like a relationship cocaine. Good at the beginning. Trails off. I always say. That becomes resentment towards the end. There is a time when relationships are good.

Spoiler alert, it's the beginning. For a lot of them, for sure. Now, when you put that book out um is it still in publication another great question i'm finding so much about my own life here i didn't know because the comics incorrect was being redone um comics from my era like guys who grew up and got a hold that book when we were just starting out there was a it was huge a lot of guys passing around a lot of guys talking about it hey you got out. It was huge. A lot of guys passed it around. A lot of guys talked about it.

Hey, you've got to get this book. Yeah. And I tried to make it into a movie. There was many scripts written. I mean, it's my own fault for not pushing that through, I guess. But I thought at the time it really would have made a good movie, but it's probably too late now. Well, you definitely have to change the names now. It's very hard.

Yeah. I did in the script. It's very hard to depict stand-up comedy in a movie. In fact, one of the original impetus to write the book was that no one was doing that well. I remember that movie came out with Tom Hanks. Remember that? Punchline. Punchline, okay.

And Tom Hanks was good. I mean, Tom Hanks could have been a stand-up comic. He did it as good as you can. Passable. Passable. But they just never capture the whole essence of it. And also, when you're trying to have someone, I see this on... Maisel?

No, I haven't seen that yet. Some show. Oh, the one, I haven't seen that yet. Some show. Oh, the one, I think it's Jim Carrey's show on Showtime about... Oh, I'm Dying Up Here? Thank you, yes. And I like the show, but whenever you're showing a stand-up comic and it's acting, you're acting as a stand-up, and then the audience has to laugh. There's something about it that isn't, it just, you can tell it's acting. You're acting as a stand-up and then the audience has to laugh. There's something about it that isn't, it just,

you can tell it's not real. It's like a boxing scene in a movie. Same thing. A little bit. Yeah. Yes. Rocky. Right. Yeah. But that's sometimes purposely over the top. This just comes off as fake because one thing we love about comedy is that laughter

is involuntary yeah it's in you can't as any giant comedy star knows you can walk out at a comedy club and you'll get the biggest ovation in the world two minutes later you can be dying because it's involuntary yes they're thrilled to see you but then if you don't say something funny they can't they're not gonna laugh it's also a very uniquely live thing it's like you have to be right i always say that like if you watch a special on tv you're really you're getting 60 of the funny you're right you have to be there live you if you're there live you'll get 100 of it so not only that not only are you watching it not live right because you've got a recording of it, but now it's also a fake recording.

So it's a guy pretending to be on stage and an audience pretending to be an audience, and the whole thing is a disaster. Yeah. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise that it never got made into a movie. the marvelous Mrs. Maisel does of capturing like the early scene in clubs, like of her going up drunk and talking shit and then people telling her, like you could probably do comedy. Like it seems chaotic and real, but it gets a little less realistic as time goes on. But you watch that show and you like it. Yeah, I like the first two seasons.

The third season, I'm like, I hope they're not losing me here. And it takes place in the 50s? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would watch something like hope they're not losing me here. And it takes place in the 50s? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would watch something like that, except there's just too much. First of all, there's just too much. Too many things to watch. Yeah. I mean, I put it on my list, but I'm going to get to that.

And does everything have to be like a season? Right. Does everything have to be so drawn back to our subject? Everything is either very condensed or way too drawn out. And you have to be so dry back to our subject everything is either very condensed or way too drawn out and you have to follow it and you're not like an episode of friends where you don't have to know what the fuck happened the week before and you just tune in the Seinfeld it's not dependent upon the week before right it's everything's an arc and everything is and people binge I don't binge I. I never binged anything.

I have the opposite problem. I have watching ADD. I love to watch TV. It's the last thing I do before I sleep at night. But unless something is absolutely compelling, I don't watch more than 15 minutes of it. I'll watch 15 minutes of this and then 15 minutes of that and 15 minutes of something else thing and then go to sleep. You know, people are structuring their Netflix specials that way because of that. People are doing their closing bit first. I read that somewhere that you have to grab them.

That's why every fucking drama is something and then six months earlier. Yeah. fucking drama is something and then six months earlier yeah you know we have to go back because you have to grab them first and then and it's such a tired trope now you know it's like now that we've seen it a hundred times think of something else or just go really crazy and do something linear well it's you know this whole thing that you were saying before we either have a second uh seven second attention span or we have three hours. I would love to see someone try to make a movie like Steve McQueen's Le Mans. Because if you don't remember that movie.

The old Steve McQueen. Yeah, the old Steve McQueen. There's no – Kids, there was a Steve McQueen before the very talented director. Oh, I didn't even know there was a director, Steve McQueen. Yes, you do. Who is he? What does he do?

He directs, well, you know, right? You heard him? He directed, he's an African American. He directed 12 Years a Slave, I believe. Oh, okay. Are you using your magic light box to go go? And what else did he direct? He's a big director.

He's a major, major guy. That's Steve McQueen. Oh, there he director. He's a major, major guy. That's Steve McQueen. Oh, there he goes. I didn't know who he is. Shame, hunger. Widows, yes. He just did Widows. Never saw that.

Widows, 12 years. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I remember the old Steve McQueen, too. The actor, Steve McQueen. The one who died of cancer in 1980, I believe. I remember him chasing cures in Mexico. Poor guy. Yeah. Yeah. cures in Mexico. Poor guy.

Lung cancer? I think probably. I think he probably was a heavy smoker. But yeah, he was... What about him? The movie Le Mans is a really slow beginning. There's no talking for the first, I don't know how many minutes.

It's just people going about their life on the racetrack like all preparing for things and there's no chat oh you ever try to watch a hitchcock movie oh yeah same thing yeah i mean it just shows how different the audiences are and how we have developed or undeveloped i don't know if it's that or if it's that there's an expectation that people have a short attention span so that everything is made for that expectation. No, they do. They do.

I do think they really do. I mean, the more you... I do. I must say, as someone who grew up when Alfred Hitchcock was still... Was he still making... Yeah, he made a movie in 1972. I was 16.

I saw it in the theater. It was one of his last. He was on his last legs. But Psycho was 1960. I was too young for that. But he was still very in vogue and a big director. And I tried to watch, I did watch the one he made in 1956, the year I was born, called The Man Who Knew Too Much, I think. It's a story he made three times.

He liked that story about the innocent guy who's being chased by somebody, and he doesn't know why they're chasing him, and the police are after him. But he's got to find the bad guys before the police find him. It's Jimmy Stewart and Doris Day. It is, I mean, they talked about it, the master of suspense. I mean, Jesus Christ, it was like the master of keeping me from falling asleep.

It's really subtle, slow. I'm sorry, but I think they've improved on that i did maybe that's sacrilege to the movie community and martin scorsese will write me a letter or something but jesus christ i'd much rather watch salt you know there's a thriller that moves or the jason bourne those movies i feel like they took what hitchcock was was doing. And, yes, they revved it up, and I'm glad they did. Hitchcock's hard to get through. But you also have to realize when Hitchcock was making films, they've been only making films for 50 years. Oh, even less.

I mean, he started in the late 30s. Right, right. You know, I mean, talkies had only been around for like 10 years. That's crazy. He goes way back yeah yeah so i mean there's something about that like even when you think about stand-up like if you ever tried listening to lenny bruce i certainly have good example yeah i can't do it doesn't work anymore it's just contextually we're in a different world but any of those old schoolers

yeah that's the point at this funny it's it's in True Story where I talk about how those guys who were such icons couldn't make it today because they take too long. You could take two minutes before you got to the punchline. You could take two minutes to set something up. The audience was perfectly okay with that. You could never do that today. Jack Benny and Bob Hope was more rapid fire. But a lot of these old schoolers, you know, I mean, I have a never funny list. And me and a friend of mine created years ago.

And some of them are on it, you know, Danny Thomas and, I don't know, Red Skelton. I mean, there's some people I thought were never, Bill Cosby, I must say, was on that list. Really? Oh, yeah. You never thought he was funny? Never thought he was funny. Even when he was doing Bill Cosby himself,

like back at the album days? I may have missed some stuff he did, but everything I ever heard, even when I was a kid and I saw him on TV, I'm like, no. I don't like this shit. It's corny. I feel very, very ahead of my time. I never liked him.

Well, it was one of those things where if you had said any of this that you're saying 10 years ago, people would have been furious at you. Well. But now he's been exposed. Somebody told me he was a creep back in 1983. Ah, okay. Someone told me in 94. Yeah. Yeah.

So, and it was somebody I liked, not somebody I was romantically involved with, but a girl who he was horrible to. And I never liked him after that as a person. That makes sense. Not just... I had heard from people on the set of news radio that he drugged girls. It was like one of those weird things you heard as a room like, what does he do? He drugged girls?

Like Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby, Bill Cosby. We're talking about the same guy? Right. It's not like Steve McQueen, Steve McQueen. We'll get him confused. Right. No.

I mean. America's dad. queen we'll get them confused right no i mean america's dad america and you have to wonder why a guy who could um get laid yeah uh even as a married man um that's obviously a sick kink he had but i also know a guy who was a promoter and and told incredibly ridiculous stories about things that Bill Cosby did that were not sexual, but just informed me that what his kink is, is part of a much larger sickness about control and making people do weird things because he can. Let me tell you what I heard. You tell me what you heard. I heard he makes people watch him eat curry. He would make the whole staff come into his dressing room and watch him eat.

I hadn't heard that exactly, but it's exactly in line with what I heard that he would, uh, do things like make you, um, what was one of them? Like he would order food and then he would say, you know,

uh, scoop out the doughy part of the hamburger bun after you wash your hands and put it back on the hamburger. Or once he asked them to send him the soap that he hadn't finished using in the dressing room. Send it to him. Yeah, just like crazy, crazy shit that, again, speaks to a pathology that's larger than what we know about him sexually. That fits as a subcategory under that because to need to have the woman be unconscious, that's a weird thing.

I can't get into – there are certain things. I can't even imagine why someone would find it attractive to be with a child. I can't understand why that would be appealing to you. I can't understand this. A lot of things I can't. To be with a child. No. I can't understand why that would be appealing to you. I can't understand this. You know, a lot of things I can't understand. I worked at a casino, and he made the security guard tuck him into bed and shut the lights off. Things like that. He's like, I'm going to lie on the bed, and I want you to tuck me in and shut the lights off.

He had like a whole routine that he wanted them to follow and he wanted them to tuck him into bed. Yeah. Well, I had a friend who had an interesting take on it and he said there is something that happens to some famous people, particularly famous people who were famous a long time ago, where they feel like they are better than other people, that there is a giant gap between them and other people.

And they feel like they can do things to people and they, that what, yeah, I don't think that's uncommon, but his pathology, but most people try to hide that. I think you did hide that feeling. They try to,

but I think he did, you know, it's called acting. Yes. That's why when they're in front of the camera, they're so charming. But we know that behind the scenes, they're not. But he seemed to wear it on his sleeve. Well, sort of sometimes, right?

But the other thing that he was doing in public, he was trying to chastise other comics for using bad words. And, you know, he had a lot of weird control issues with that as well but my my friend's take on it was that he thinks that there are people that they get to this position where they think that they're owed things and he thought about that sexually too he said he probably felt like he was just so above those women that he didn't even want to negotiate with them he just drugged them and fucked them because he's Bill Cosby and they should be happy. It's crazy. The human mind is the bottom of the ocean.

It's mostly unexplored. A giant mystery. Well, especially that kind of scenario. I mean, how many human beings have ever experienced what he's experienced? He's been famous since the 1950s. he was an american icon right rich beyond imagination groundbreaker and a legitimate world-class stand-up comic who toured the whole world created this cosby show that was a groundbreaking television show yeah so many factors so many factors and then on top of that a psychotic pervert and a creep and drugging women i mean on top and who knows what other fucking shit probably not just that no you know when someone's that fucked up

it's probably not just they might find like 30 dead cats in his backyard i mean who knows the fucking guy's into well i somebody told me this may not be true that he was drugging people with animal tranquilizers that that's he had a vet's license or something and that's how that's how he was because people were like how did he get the stuff that he was right using for the knockout pills would this would it offend you if i put my feet no not at all and when why would it is a man well it's a man cave i don't want to ask it's your relax it's your place i want you him up there, buddy. Relax. It's your place. I want you to feel good.

I put my feet up here all the time. Oh, great. You got some loafers on purpose. Those are your choice. You wore those today. I didn't even think about it. See, that's why I'm saying I'm glad I did this because I don't have to think about, oh, my wardrobe and what I'm going to wear and is Johnny going to like me?

Oh, boy. Did you do the night show with Johnny? 30 times. Holy shit. 1982 to 1992. Wow. Yeah. 30 times.

Yes, which just shows you that show was, when I started to do it, there was such a proliferation of comics. You could do that show 30 times, and that didn't make me famous. I mean, it elevated me to a degree. It legitimized you in show business. But at one point, just doing The Tonight Show once made you a star. But part of what True Story is about

was the comics' frustration that they came along at a time when it wasn't that unique a thing anymore. There was too many comics. You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a comic. So I have, like in my SiriusXM radio in the car, the comic stations, and I love them. I would listen, very often see somebody's name.

I've never heard of this comic. I'll never see it again. They're doing, you know, they play four or five minutes of their routine. It's very professional. It's funny. I'm laughing. And who is this person? And it seemed like an innumerable supply of very competent stand-ups

who have funny bits about the ketchup bottle, and I don't know any of them. And I guess they have followings. Do you go to the clubs, though? Club? Fuck no. I haven't been to the clubs. It's like you go back to high school.

No. I go to the high school every day. You do? Yeah, I work at the clubs all the time. So does Leno and Seinfeld, Chris Rock. I don't get it. high school no i go to the high school every day you do yeah i work so does leno and lots of seinfeld chris i don't get it i don't know i don't know why you want to do that first of all because my friends are there i like going there and talking to the other comics that are there all the time wow and uh i like to do it because it keeps me sharp i do that lineup at the store

there's 13 other comics on the list but i work the road i do that too yeah but i'm saying but that's my how i keep sharp as i or as sharp as i can be uh is well also i gave up on memorization years ago first of all with all the pot i've smoked it just wasn't going to happen i've used what i call the poor man's teleprompter for oh it's got's got to be 20 years, which is I have a music stand on stage. And then I have my notebook, which has my bullet points. And I don't think the audience even notices it. It's very every five minutes I'm very discreetly moving the page. But that way I don't have to memorize anything.

When I get home from the gig, I go through it. I redo it in the computer, print it out. And it's just been the greatest thing because I can say – I can get to exactly what I want to say. I hate comics who stand up there and go, what else? What else? It's like, fuck that. You should know what else. Never hear me say what else to another.

I know what else and I'm going to tell you. I'm going to try to condense it. I'm going to give you the best show I can for 90 minutes, and then leave. Look, I mean, you certainly can do it that way. Yeah, we all have our own ways of doing it. Yeah, everybody's got their own way of doing it. Yeah, we are.

I like to be around a lot of other comics, like a large number of very good comics all the time. I think you feed off each other. I'm on the road all the time. When I'm on the road, I'm with my friends. I go and tour with other very funny comics. But when I'm in town, I just like to be around as many as I can. You should do my Hawaii gig one year.

You know I have a steady... Well, I ran into Natasha and Moshe. Yes, you did it a steady. Well, I ran into Natasha and Moshe. Yes, you did it last year. Yeah, I ran into them and Maui. I was like, what are you guys doing? They go, oh, we're working with Bill. Oh, in Maui? Yes.

You were there? Yes. I was there with my family. We were just vacationing. Next year is the 10th. It was like New Year's, right? Yes. I started this 10 years ago.

Nobody would book it. They all said, Hawaii's a dead market. And I found this promoter who was like, okay, I'll try it. And it worked. Of course, Honolulu's a big city. They're smart. There's more than a million people there. Yes.

And Maui. So we do Maui on December 30th, and we do New Year's Eve in Honolulu. So we do Maui on December 30th, and we do New Year's Eve in Honolulu. And there's always surprises. And this year, Sarah Silverman did it and Bobby Slayton. And we have sometimes some very well-known musicians who join us. Woody Harrelson is also in Maui and plays with us a little bit. Steven Tyler's in Maui, too. Yes, I saw him there one year.

But maybe you'd consider slumming. It's a great, fun trip, and you're with comics. I've never performed in Hawaii. Every time I go there, it's just a chill. Well, I'm going to hit you up on that. Okay. I stopped doing New Year's Eve shows on my own. That's the great thing about it.

I always hated New Year's Eve. What a shit day. And the show's at 8 o'clock. Oh, okay. So it's just a show. It's a regular show. Right. So you don't have to do the...

Right. No. Exactly. It's a regular show. 8 to 10 or maybe a little after ten we always the whole group sings smile at the end of it i made that a tradition the old charlie chaplin smile though your heart is aching you know that one sure well you'll have to learn it and jesus what a weird gig and Well, it's New Year's Eve.

You've got to do something as you send them off. It's only an hour and a half left in the old year. And I feel like that was the appropriate song because it was a song written by a comedian, Charlie Chaplin. It's 100 years old. It was a hit in the 50s for Nat King Cole. Michael Jackson redid it in the 90s when he was on trial for child molestation. Chose to do a song by Charlie Chaplin, the most famous child molester. So that was Michael's way of-

Charlie Chaplin was a child molester? Well, Charlie Chaplin, I think back then they didn't call it that. But yes, he married- I didn't know anything. Oh, yes. He married like, it was like yes he married like it was like jerry lee lewis he was like with 14 year olds really charlie chaplin yes i'm don't think i'm talking out of school about charlie chaplin can you conjure something up there on your magic light box jamie and see if uh see if there's information that what are we i just didn't know it says child molester yes charlie chaplin famous for for that and you know back then i don't think they got you for it but what did they did what was

the legal age back then possibly none right they probably didn't know a law i don't know i don't know if they even had such a concept i mean mean, we're talking about an era before women. They weren't letting women vote in the teens. Women didn't vote until 1920. I don't know if there were child labor laws. I just don't know. Well, Priscilla Presley, wasn't she like 14 when Elvis? Yeah.

So Elvis was a child molester too. And that was the 50s, right? Right. And that, well, Elvis was a child molester too. And that was the 50s, right? Right. And that, well, he went into the army in 58. So that's when he met her in Germany. Her father was a colonel and she was 14. And of course he was 25 and a giant rock star. And he says to the colonel, would you mind if I took your 14 year old daughter back to America?

She can live with me at Graceland, and it'll all be good. And the guy says, enjoy. What the fuck was wrong with people back then? Those are different human beings. It's not just 100 years ago. No, no. We're so different. I mean, I'm a little older than, oh, what's that?

16-year-old Harris met actor Charlie Chaplin. 16 is not as disgusting as 14. That's not even, I don't think, the worst one. It's a famous one as well. Is there like a Charlie Chaplin, the pervert or child molester? Yes, there definitely is. Got to be. 16 is fairly young, but people died young back then.

I was thinking recently, people were just died young back then. I was thinking that recently people were just rougher. Yeah. You know, I mean, you and I, I think, walk the same path very often talking about we, I think, are progressives, but we have short patience with some of the fragile. Yes. Woke bullshit. Yeah. Okay. And some of that is just the way you're brought up.

I think kids are coddled. I think they're indulged, and that's the reason why they freak out over microaggressions and stuff. And some of that is just – I was telling someone this story, not apropos of this, just talking about something else. But it just reminded me that here I'm a kid who had, I think, a normal middle class upbringing. I consider it an idyllic time. I consider it an innocence you couldn't buy today. I mean, first of all, I grew up in New Jersey in the 60s. There was no racial issues because there was only one race in town.

That's just the way it was. I'm not saying that's good. It wasn't. But that's so there weren't racial issues. There weren't drug issues. I didn't tripod in high school. Maybe there was a rumor that a few kids were doing it, but that wasn't even a thing. There wasn't even any, like, divorce.

It was really the land that time forgot. You know, it was leave it to beaver land. And I was telling someone this time, my father, who grew up in the Depression, cheap. I, you know, love him dearly, but I don't think that's the wrong word. And sent us to an Army friend of his as the dentist. And this is 1964. I was eight and did not use Novocaine. And I remember vividly like I had like eight cavities that had to be filled.

He said, if it hurts, raise your hand. You know, as the drill went into me. I was like, okay. So they're drilling into me and then I'm riding home up this big hill. It was cold on my bike with the tears freezing on my cheek. So get to the dentist yourself. First of all, they wouldn't do that today. They don't let kids just be on their own. Like get your ass to the dentist on your bike, They don't let kids just be on their own. Like get your ass to the dentist on your bike, get home after they drill into you with no Novocaine.

And I'm saying I wasn't raised by bad people. No. People were just rougher. Yeah. It was just a rougher time. And I wouldn't recommend these things exactly necessarily, although getting someplace on your own I don't think is the worst thing in the world. But a little more of that. Have you ever had Jonathan Haidt on your show?

Yeah. His book, The Coddling of the American Mind, is exactly about that. And he believes that you should let your kids roam around and let them find their way home. There is a movement for that. That's how I was raised. That's how I was raised, too. Yeah. That's how I was raised. That's how I was raised, too.

I came home from school, fly into the house, change into my play clothes, fly out the door. My mother never said, where are you going? What are you doing? You were gone. Yeah. And again, in Leave It to Beaver Town, there was a 6 o'clock whistle. Really? Yeah, at the firehouse.

Did everybody know? The whistle went off. Time for dinner? Right. And then you got your ass home when you heard the whistle we didn't have watches or phones or you know i don't want i mean i don't want to compare it it's a it's a different world for sure between the way we grew up and the way they're growing up today. I don't know what's better. I don't know which one's better. There's certainly a lot of whiny crybabies today. Yeah, but there's also a thing today where we're giving them access to information way quicker. So there's got to be, and this is not something that's been studied, right?

Like what happens to a young mind when it has access to almost anything as soon as you get a phone? You're given 12-year-olds, 13-year-olds phones, and then they have access to everything in the world. Everything. Porn. Porn instantly. Which I, you know, you're talking to a libertine, but I do not think porn is benign. I do not. It is not benign.

Not the way it is now on the computer. I mean, it's rapey. It's – What sites are you going to? Any site. I'm not getting the rapey porn, but I think it's not benign because – Oh, please. It's not – it's domineering.

Yes, it's a lot of things that I'm not interested in, even in my fantasies. I was doing a bit about that in my last special. Even in my fantasies, I don't want to choke anybody. I don't want to come on your face. I mean, come on, coming on your face? That's not rapey or domineering. I mean, I find that off-putting and gross. It doesn't, that doesn't move me.

And the thing, I don't get it, but that's half of what Pornhub is. Well, I think what half of it is now is a lot of stepsister stuff. It's like stepfather, stepsister, stepbrother. What's that all about? Because people are trying to be naughty and there's nothing naughty left. Because like the idea of porn originally was like, I can't believe these these people are having sex like go back and watch porn from the 80s so they're just having sex ass fucking choking come on your face spitting yeah yeah it's gross and it's and so i'm not surprised that kids have mental problems because The fucking byzias of sex. Yes. I mean, what's a first date, a first real date like?

Right. When you saw, you know, a team of Japanese businessmen come on some schoolgirl's face when you were 10. Oh, you saw that one? The bus? That was a rough one. I think it was a flight attendant. I don't think it was a schoolgirl. Yeah.

There was a squid. Yeah. Oh, there was a squid yeah oh there's always squids they're into octopuses tentacles and shit yes yeah it's it's not necessarily benign but neither is alcohol neither is gambling i'm not saying it's a lot of other behavior yeah but i mean if i was a parent yeah it's an issue keep it away from kids there's also an issue that you don't tell kids about it so they don't they find out from other kids there's no discussion of what it is there's no like real like no one in their right mind would ever sit down and watch porn with their son and say this is what i want you to avoid like this is why i want you to avoid this right but it's probably not the worst idea i mean look, look, there comes a legality issue.

Like, I mean, I don't even think it's legal to watch porn with a 13-year-old kid. But if you have a son and he's 13 and you know he's going to be exposed to these things, you almost have a responsibility to talk him through it and just give him some understanding of what is the landscape here's a big one why these girls doing this okay here's something that people don't like to admit that enjoy porn the vast majority of them have been molested the vast majority of who has been molested porn art porn actors porn stars yeah yeah yeah there's some study they did on um girls who get into porn who have been sexually abused, mentally abused, and physically abused.

And it was overwhelming. It was overwhelming. I mean, obviously, it's just anecdotal. It's based on one group of people that they – I don't know if it's the largest study. It's not surprising. Not surprising at all. No. So they're searching for acceptance, and they're willing to do something that's way outside the norm.

I'm sure there's just some girls that are just really promiscuous. They're into sex. There's nothing wrong with them. They just love it and they love performing. But I think there's less of them than there are of the girls who were probably abused. And, you know, maybe they turn a negative into a positive. I'm not saying they shouldn't do it. I'm not casting any judgment.

But I am saying that you should understand what this thing is. Like what this – how come some people like to fuck on camera and everybody else is afraid that you're going to see their genitals? I don't know about the watching porn with your son, Joe, but – Yeah, I wouldn't suggest it either. I'm just saying. I'm kidding. But what I would tell a kid, especially a boy, is, son, what you're seeing in porn, don't think that women really like that.

Because they don't. They don't want to have somebody come on their face. Someone must. Of course, someone likes anything. That's one of the bad things about the internet is that in the old days, if you were some sort of weirdo pervert, you thought – and it was – the world was better because you thought that you were completely alone in the world. Now, whatever your kink is, you could put it on the internet. You could write, you know, I want a hooker to shit on me while I play with electric trains. And there'd be a thousand people in two minutes who are saying, me too.

Yeah. And I don't know, now you have a community of electric train shitter on us. You got an echo chamber. Yes. They're all enjoying shitting on you with electric chains. So that's all unhealthy. But I just don't think that, and that would be my main lesson to an adolescent boy. Okay, we can't keep the porn away from you.

Just don't think that's the way real women are or what real women like. I don't think they like Tinder either. In fact, I watched some documentary. I can't remember what it was called. I think it was on HBO about dating on social media. And that was the main theme of it was women are doing it, young women, but they don't like it. And it's not surprising they don't like it. Guys are, of course, wired very differently and they just want to hook up and move on.

I read also an article about it. And I think it was in Vanity Fair. And the woman says, OK, she did it once. She tried Tinder. She goes to a hotel or meets a guy she had just met over the phone, and they fuck. And then she said, as I was getting dressed, I turned around, and he was sitting on the bed looking at Tinder. Whoa. So he had just come, and here he is looking for the next victim.

Victim? Willing participant, I would say. Yeah, I said, I'm not. How dare you with the victim talk? I don't mean, I didn't mean that. I know what you're saying. No, you're right. He's a predator.

She was a willing predator. How dare you? That's what I'm saying. He's out there hunting. He's trying to get gals. But it'm saying he's out there hunting yeah trying to get gals but it's just what his gals trying to get the ladies yeah um but women it's not designed for women sensibilities no most women no they had remember ashley madison was yeah it was the cheating site and it was like uh 12000 women and 126 million men.

It was like some crazy number like that. And most of the women on it were hookers. They were fake, too. There's a lot of them that were fake. They had fake accounts. It was hilarious when you have a dating site set up just for people that want to cheat, and then they all get busted because someone hacks into it. Like, do you fucking dummies use your real name like jesus christ i mean just

you ever read that book sapiens yes such a great book and he goes into the fact that monogamy probably not what what is wired in us it's The reason why there's so much misery about relationships is it probably wasn't that way in early man. And I'm saying early man, like homo sapiens, which haven't been on Earth that long. There's no primates that are monogamous. They've never found one. Right.

And we are primates. Right. And we probably had a system system is just how we were that was closer to the chimps and where it was like communal fatherdom you know you didn't really know whose kid it was so there wasn't this possessiveness because you know i guess the women fucked different men in the in the grouping and there wasn't that feeling of I own you. Right. And this pussy's mine and all that bullshit.

You read Sex at Dawn? No. It's basically about that. Okay. My friend Dr. Chris Ryan wrote it. Okay. Interesting. It's basically about that.

It's about how people behave, the polyamorous relationships they had in these primitive cultures and that before dna testing and before they understood paternity that's really what it was all about it's about the community would raise children everybody would rate and they would there was a lot of like shared sex in between different people so much so much of love is i think possessiveness what people think is love it's not love you know and also, you make me feel good is not love either. To me, and they always say love is the thing that has never been able to be defined. I don't think it's that hard. It's selflessness. It's when I care for your happiness more than my own. That's love in any kind of relationship, man or woman, whatever.

Or at least as much as my own. That's love in any kind of relationship, man or woman, whatever. Or at least as much as my own. Yeah, right. And if being without me would actually make you happier, then I'm for that. That's love. That would not characterize most of my early relationships,

how I felt and what I thought, what love was. Well, it's interesting when we look at other animals, right? Because monogamy in other animals. That's not love. In other animals, monogamy isn't a choice. Like the animals that are monogamous, they don't have any desire.

Like it's naturally built in, wired into their system. It's not like they choose. Like swans? There's a bunch of them. Penguins, for instance penguins yeah there's a few ones are gay we know that they all look the same they might as well be gay aren't there gay wasn't there a big thing about gay penguins well there was a story i feel like about gay penguins or really yeah there's something because i feel like the usual suspects on the right. Yeah, look up Charlie Chaplin, gay penguins.

Gay penguins, fucking kids. Smile. It's something. Maybe it was a story, something that made the evangelicals mad. About penguins? Yeah, about penguins. Jesus Christ. I think it's penguins.

Maybe it's they were in. My point would be that any of these animals that are doing this, they're not doing this because they have a choice. They understand what it is. Oh, New York Times, gotcha. Gay penguins and their hope for a baby have enchanted Berlin. Two male penguins at the Zoo Berlin have adopted an egg. That's it. That's what it is.

Two male penguins adopted an egg. People are upset. Delighting Germans, but upsetting Pat Robertson big time. Oh, was he bummed out about that? Yeah, somebody like that was or all of them were i'm sure the family council those types you think they want to have the example of penguins being gay i wonder if they even give a fuck or if it's just a hustle at this point do you think they really give a fuck about these penguins being gay i think they have to say

something because it's some new thing to talk about and it gives them fuel yes for outrage yeah it's a juicy story in the news they could jump on yeah i mean pat robertson is it he's still on tv right he's a yeah he needs material like you and i do yes that's what i'm thinking yeah yeah yeah yeah you never know what these people gay penguins that's where that's where you draw the line that's's it. That's enough. Their agenda has moved over to the Penguins. Such a strange time. It's a strange time where I feel like if you read Steven Pinker's stuff, he talks about how life has never really been easier than we have it today.

But it's also probably one of the reasons why people are so outraged about things today it's just there's it's so there's less real shit that's dangerous in this world there's less there still is real danger there's still real murder and real rape and real robberies but there's less of it than ever before but yet there's more outrage than ever before about nonsense things. Well, when societies get too successful, and you could make that claim about America, that's when they become a feat. And that's when they become soft. Yes.

And that's when they fall. This is a story that goes back to ancient Rome and lots of other societies. You're a victim of your success. In a large way, we're that because, yes, people don't, we were just talking about how people were rougher. No Novocaine. That wasn't even the roughest thing. We don't know hardship except for that sliver of the country that fights the wars. Those people know hardship. Of course, we do have poverty in america but there's also a fairly substantial safety net that this country has i mean nobody compares to other parts of the world

but you know there's parts of the world that are real with crime and gangs yeah oh those those people deal with real hardship oh real hardship those are the people coming from central those central american countries that they always are freaking out about, the Trump administration. Because yes, when gangs rule the country in El Salvador and Honduras, those places, life is precarious and easy to lose. But I know Steven Pinker's point, which is a great point, is let's not forget that in the last 20, 30 years, the amount of people we've risen out of extreme poverty, the people who used to live on a dollar a day. It wasn't that long ago when I read this that a billion people defecate in the street. That's where they poop. That's all improved greatly. Now, part of the reason why Trump people are upset about jobs and stuff and going overseas,

well, that's part of the reason why, is because we lifted out of extreme poverty people all over the world. But they took those manufacturing jobs. That's why they're not living in extreme poverty and why they're not pooping in the street because they're making Trump ties as opposed to somebody in Ohio. So pick your poison. Yeah, I mean, this is like what we're talking about

with us growing up, that life was rougher, and life is easier today, but you have more access to information, so maybe it could be better. And then things seem to be moving in a better direction in terms of things being safer, less violence, less crime, less rape. And then people also get upset at you bringing up those statistics. That's where it's really interesting that Pinker gets attacked for just stating statistical facts. And he's not making value judgments. He's just saying, hey, things are, if you look at the overall numbers of things, this

is the safest time to be alive ever. And the people, no, but what about this? What about that? It's a horrible hallmark of our era that we live in that facts almost always come second yes your political agenda comes first yeah and if it doesn't fit in then we don't want to hear those facts and that's the left and the right it is the left and the right it's both and it's um it's it should be it should be something that everybody rejects it should be something that angers everyone it shouldn't be tied to one party or another party and it really should be something that everybody rejects it should be something that angers everyone it shouldn't be tied to one party or another party and it really should be something that

if there's a there's a real problem with communication in this society one of them is the denial of actual facts and information if we if we know things we have rock solid statistics whether it's about climate change whether it's's about war, the budget, whatever the fuck it is. If you have a real number and you want to spin and deny, that's a giant problem. It's a giant problem. Right. I get madder at the left because I want them to be better, and they should be better. And they're the science party, and they're supposedly the fact people.

I expect this shit from the right. Right. Denying climate change and so forth. They've been doing that for a long time. The left has this dirty thing. If you disagree with them in any way, you become an alt-right person. Right. I mean, it's obviously a small sliver of people that are doing this.

Yeah. Boy, I got stuck in this alt-right category. I'm like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. I've never voted right in my life. Right. I know. But there's a, I feel like, I'm sure as you do sometimes, a man without a country. And there's a group of us, Sam Harris, people you've had on, Jordan Peterson, Barry Weiss.

Yeah. You know, I just, we're all progressives. Yeah. But sensible progressives. Real, we're all progressives. Yeah. But sensible progressives. Real progressives. Real progressives. We're not blindly ideological to our party. Right.

And we don't chase these virtue signalers who are always, as a friend of mine said, they wake up offended. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm always reading a story like daily i read something and what goes through my mind is this country now is completely binary there's only two camps we're totally tribal you're either red or blue liberal or conservative and everything that one side does, that anybody does that represents that side, has to be owned by that entire side. Because people will go, well, you're the party of.

So whenever there's something on the left that's cuckoo crazy, we all own it. And that's one reason why Trump won. Sure. Because people, you go through the polling, his fans are not oblivious to his myriad flaws. What they love about him, what they all say they love is he wasn't politically correct. It's hard to measure how much people have been choking on that political correctness. They do not want to walk on eggshells. Yeah.

They do not want to think that one little misstep and they'll get fired or be castigated. And these are not just famous people. I mean, these are just regular people. And I think when someone reads the kind of stories you see every day, and it's an eye roll, and it's an eye roll at the left, that's when you lose people. I'll give you an example. It was about two weeks ago. The Giants, my football team, the New York football Giants, cut – I think his name is Janoris Jenkins. Are you using the R word? Yes. Do we have to say the R word? No, you can say retarded.

Okay. Well, we're just – we're not saying it. You got to look like, oh, my God. I don't know what the fucking retarded. Okay. Well, we're just, we're not saying it. You gotta look like, oh my God. I don't know what the fucking rules are. Yes, and he, okay, first of all, I don't understand why that generation feels the need to engage with their fans on Twitter, but he was. Someone needs to teach him social media.

Some guy was criticizing him, and he's a good cornerback or safety, whatever he is, and was criticizing him, and he answered back. Again, I don't know why, but saying, here are my stats. I'm pretty good. I only can do my job, dot, dot, retard. Meanwhile, we better if he had three dots. You missed part of the story.

I'm going to explain. So then the guy, the fan, says, well, what does it matter the team is losing and that's when janoris jenkins said i can only do my job retard and cut like cut from the team cut like the next day and first of all i think he said it's that I thought it was a hood thing. Maybe Janoris Jenkins didn't get the memo because he's not, you know, like on Twitter 24-7 and living with the wokesters that we don't do this anymore. I think they offered him a chance to apologize.

I think he did. Did he? I think he did. He did after they cut him. But, yeah, I don't think he like stood, I insist on saying this, but, you know, it seems like there's no room anymore for someone just to go, oh, sorry, I didn't realize this was such a thing. Because, you know, they do move the goalposts often and they like to because it's easier to catch people that way. So how about just, oh, sorry, I guess, you know, we don't do this anymore.

My bad. And move on with our lives. Instead of, no, you're canceled. You're cut. You are irredeemable. Yeah. It's hard. Ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. And what I'm saying is like every day there's some story like that. And it just all goes into the bin left wing. And that's when people go, you know what? Trump's an asshole. I don't like him. But I don't want to live in that world. These people are even fucking crazier.

And that is the great danger of reelecting him. And they very well may do it. Yeah, it very well may. Yeah. This overcorrection, overreaction, things like that infuriates people. And they love it when Trump says crazy shit because it sounds like something that they would say he's trolling like he had that one speech where he's talking about china this is the way you talk to china say listen motherfuckers yeah everybody went yes yes like

just that alone like i even laughed and clapped i was like that's fucking hilarious because that is what you would hope some crazy version of a president would say that would never really exist. But all of a sudden he exists. He sometimes he says something that I totally do not want a president to say. But if he wasn't president, like, for example, when he was confronted may have been by Bill O'Reilly when he was still extant about Putin killing journalists or something. And Trump said something like, well, we're not so innocent either. Now, I don't think the president of the United States should say that. But you know who else says that?

Noam Chomsky. Yeah. That's like something Noam Chomsky says. America's guilty of also doing these horrible things. We're not innocent either. Yeah. That's like something Noam Chomsky says. America's guilty of also doing these horrible things. We're not innocent either. Yeah, he would be a little bit more articulate about it, but yeah. Right. But the point is that no one judges anymore by the content of what they say.

It's just by whose team are you on. Yes. So if you liked it when Noam Chomsky said it, you shouldn't hate it that much when trump said it or vice versa if you hated it that noam chomsky said it then you should hate it that trump said it but that's not how people react well the team thing is so prevalent that even when he does something militarily like backs out of a country you see people on the left criticizing him for not not going in or not not engaging like Jesus Christ, you guys are supposed to be the people that always don't want war

and when someone who's the president does something that's not a move towards war, we should all be saying, yes, please, more of this. He's got a good thing. Here's a good thing. It's not like, but we want to categorize people as being, like you said, one or zero, binary,

irredeemable, like either chosen or irredeemable and you have to be very careful with how you talk or you get labeled in in one or two of those categories and people are so scared now communicate it's i had a conversation with a friend a while back and he we're it's a crazy conversation it was alcohol involved but he said something really ridiculous he was saying that maybe it's good that uh women get so much money in divorce because of all the shit they've been through from men over the years and i was like what do you like what that what does that have to do with money and divorce like if that's an individual person that's getting money from another individual person is she getting is she collecting is this like reparations for all the horrible things that have happened for women?

And he goes, well, and so he starts getting defensive. He goes, well, what about income inequality that women have to deal with? I go, oh, Jesus. I go, well, you know that's not real, right? And he goes, what do you mean? I go, it's not like they have the same jobs. It's not like the man and a woman are both male men. They both do the same amount of houses, but the man makes a dollar when the woman makes 70 cents.

He goes, that's exactly what it is. I go, the fuck it is. That's not what it is. It's illegal. It is illegal. We've already passed that law. I had to explain. Right.

Everybody walked on eggshells. Everybody was like, oh, Jesus, what are you saying? Right. You're saying income inequality is not real? Right. No, it's not. Not that it's not real. There's so many of those mic drop phrases that they use.

You know, kids in cages. Yes. Which, of course, we don't want kids in cages. But there's a whole discussion to be had about immigration as opposed to just kids in cages or Islamophobia. Of course, that is a real thing. It exists. But there's a whole other discussion. But just these, look, the left often uninformed yeah they just are but they have these

bullet points that they feel like they definitely can shut a conversation down that's what i mean they don't feel like they have to learn a lot about a subject yeah because you have these mic drop sayings or phrases that just stop people from talking well i, I'd fortunately known the actual statistics. And so when we were talking about it, I was saying, no, no, they choose different jobs. And also they negotiate for themselves differently. Yes. They need to negotiate for themselves better. Well, that's one of the things when people accuse Jordan Peterson of being sexist.

You know, Jordan Peterson literally counseled and coached women how to be more assertive in their jobs to get better raises. counseled and coached women how to be more assertive in their jobs to get better raises. It was really explaining how to do this and just even maybe possibly against your better instincts to exert yourself and show that you understand your value. And this is what men do. And this is why men get raises. And oftentimes women just kind of keep it to themselves and they're a little nervous about it. But it is amazing. I mean, i mean you mentioned divorce yeah they don't assert as well uh going for a raise but boy the divorce thing i mean that can go both ways if the woman is the one who has more money yeah but when the fuck does that ever happen that's like women who beat up men like you know women right women beat men up too like when i hear that i'm like oh my god go God. I always say, go to the gym.

Yes. You should go to the gym, man. It's like these fucking- And get yourself a little stronger. Men's rights assholes are like, there's so much to make fun of men's rights guys. But I had one of them on my, one of my comedy specials, I had a bit about it where they were saying, do you know that men get raped more often than women? I go, yeah.

By other men, you fucking idiot exactly like what do you think i remember that yeah chicks are out there raping dudes what do you think cheerleaders are out there raping cops uh have you had christina hoff summers yes okay yeah i love her yeah i love her too she was on our show recently and you know we were talking about the fact that also they don't bring up a lot of the time that most of the horrible, dirty jobs in the world are done by men. They're the ones who are up on the telephone pole. Most likely to die on the job, most likely to be murdered, most likely to go to jail. Most likely to get a much longer jail sentence for the same crime. So we're not crying about being men. We're just saying, as she says,

life is a complex mixture of advantages and disadvantages. Yeah. I think the pendulum's swinging the other way, though. I think really dumb statements like, fuck all white men, like we used to hear on Twitter and people used to applaud and retweet it. I think people are now like,

oh, come on, what the fuck? Well, that's a little out there, but I have heard when now it's going in the other direction because the race is winnowing. But at the point of say six months, a year ago, when lots of people were getting into the race, at some point there were 24 Democrats in there. And when a white guy would get in, it was very common to hear, do we need another white guy? Yeah. it was very common to hear, do we need another white guy?

And that was completely okay on the left. And it's like, okay, but then we are saying that we are using race to judge whether someone is qualified. And gender. Right, exactly. We are using race and gender to say whether someone is qualified, just so we understand what we're doing here. Because I don't think that's exactly what Martin Luther King meant when he said judge by the content of their character and not the color of their skin, which seems to elude a certain segment. It's the dumbest form of identity politics, and it's really ridiculously dumb when they don't realize that that same sort of strategy is going to come right back around at you. It's like people that think, oh, that guy's pissing me off. I'm going to go fucking punch him. Well, guess what?

He's going to punch you back. Like this is not – it's not that simple. If you go around judging people based on their gender and their color and their race, guess what? They're going to do that to you now. Like this is – it's a terrible strategy. I want to know how the divorce laws came to be i do i want to know i somebody must have written a book on it i just want to know how we got to this place where um you know first of all this idea that you have to

live in the style of which you've become accustomed i can help you here i can help you a couple couple ways here's the big one lawyers make a lot of money if there's a large settlement so it's lawyers yes lawyers don't make a lot of money if there's no settlement you know phil hartman when he was getting divorced one of the things that he said to me i go dude just fucking give her half come on man you make a lot of money he goes it's not half he was crazed he's like it's two thirds he goes the fucking lawyers get a third it's goddamn scam and i've had friends that have gotten divorced and even though they were they had come to an agreement with the ex like let's listen with this this and you'll get this and i'll get this fine then the lawyers jump in he's trying to fuck you and this they're trying to fuck you over you deserve deserve more. That's exactly the plot of the movie Marriage.

Have you seen Marriage Story? No, I haven't. Oh. It's terrific. I was, again, at the beginning because it was about an actress and a theater director. And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, can't you at least pretend that there are people in America not outside of your exact circle? There have been so many big movies that are just about your world of show business. Have a little creativity.

Make them something else. But, okay, I got over that. And then it's just a terrific movie about there's no bells and whistles. It's just we're married. We seem very happy. And then, well, we're not happy. And we're going to get divorced, and then we're going to just do it amicably and not get lawyers involved, and then it all falls apart.

And once it goes down that path that you're talking about, it just becomes as vicious as anything without guns. Well, I had a friend who got divorced, no no family okay no children didn't have children and uh it dragged on for more than i think almost three years and even though they had come to some sort of conclusion he was paying for his wife's lawyer i go it's like you're paying for the general of the army that's trying to kill you You're paying for someone to fuck you in the ass. Yeah. You're getting fucked in the ass. It broke him. You can feel it. I have seen so many men broken by it.

Devastated. Every time somebody says, you know, people unfortunately get a horrible disease like cancer, and they say, I couldn't have gotten through it without my wife. I always think, yeah, and maybe she gave it to you. I don't mean, of course, literally, but I just mean that when you're in a bad relationship, the stress, we don't know what

contributes all the things to cancer, but that certainly is, I'm sure, one of them. And then going through a divorce like that, I've seen people, like you say, just broken. They get wrecked. And it's a system. The reason why the divorce laws are set up the way they're set up, people think, oh, we're protecting women. Horseshit. They're doing it so that they can extract the maximum amount of money out of the mail. That way the lawyer gets the biggest chunk that they could possibly get.

Most lawyers, they're working on a percentage basis. Right. Especially if a woman doesn't have as much money or if the lawyer will come to her, look, we've got a deal here, we'll figure this out, don't pay me now, we're going to make sure we get you the most, we'll take care of it all in the end. And this is what has happened to several of my friends that have been divorced.

And you know what it is once you see it. What I get and I understand and i accept and i uh i support is child support i mean i've i grew up with a deadbeat dad my dad never paid for shit and i have many friends that have also experienced a lot of financial hardship growing up because their dad was a piece of shit and and didn't want to pay for their children. People are very close to me, including my wife. But when there's a big difference between that, a man taking responsibility for his children, there's a big

difference between that and alimony. Alimony is creepy. There's something creepy about, like, my friend, like I said, didn't even have a child with this woman. He is still paying her, by the way. This is the same guy. Very good friend of mine has been divorced for 14 years has been married for 12 to a new woman still paying the

old woman and my joke was like you fucked her so hard she can't work right like she literally can't work because he he's a wealthy man he made good money and he works really hard he's a he's he's a wealthy man. He made good money. And he works really hard. He's not in the business. He has a real job. And he works long fucking hours every day. And he has his own business. And he has to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to someone he doesn't even talk to anymore because he's a fucker. Guys go to jail. I knew of a guy who was a doctor who went to jail every night because he couldn't make the payments.

Oh, God. And they would like let him out on weekends to do rounds and stuff. But he was – it's – I got a better one for you. Want to get even crazier? Hit me. Dave Foley, who was on news radio. Yeah, sure.

Dave Foley. When he was getting divorced was when he was on news radio so it was a financial peak you know he was the star of the show he's making a lot of money right and so his payments to that were set up for that sure so this is in canada right and he the judge tells him he tells the judge i don't make that kind of money anymore that was an extraordinary time in my life it's very hard to make that kind of money you know i'm an actor i just the doctor the judge, I don't make that kind of money anymore. That was an extraordinary time in my life. It's very hard to make that kind of money. I'm an actor. The judge rather says, your ability to pay has no relation to your obligation to pay. Wow. Think of that. Just pause here for a moment. What a statement. Where else would we say that?

statement, where else would we say that? It's insane. And we're talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars, hundreds of thousands, like as if he's supposed to conjure this up, like his career is supposed to magically resurrect itself in some really financial viable way. And since it is usually the man still who probably has the more money and is paying the woman, it's very anachronistic to how we have come to think about women as equal and strong and able to do everything we can do but when it comes to this it's like oh we got to take care of them well they're suddenly there

it's like they're very dependent i think it's a scam that's set up because the men in general are in control of the finances or make more money and they can extract more money from them that way. I don't see a lot of people turning it down. Yeah, I mean, that's why the system, I think, is set up the way it's set up. It's dark, man. I mean, the only time it's happened the other way that I know of is Tom Arnold. Tom Arnold got away clean. Sure, yes, it does happen the other way.

He's one for the males. We got one for the males. Right. We got one on the board. There's like, if the board was like here, it would be a fucking billion scratches on one side and four lines and the one through it. And then next to it is like Tom Arnold. That's why I never understood the concept of marriage. the concept of marriage because when people would say why don't you want to get married

I'd say why would I invite the federal and state government into my love life it's very important you have to have it otherwise it's not real if you don't get a signed piece of paper what the fuck do you have

just your feelings for that other person not good enough. How is she going to tell her friends? She's got to tell her friends that he really cares. You've been brainwashed by it. No, he really cares. You think I'm serious? I can see she's trained you to say the right answer.

Well, I think that's a crazy backward way to look at it, that without the piece of paper, it's not real. It's not real. Whatever you have with someone emotionally uh that's what's real the paper is what's fake you shouldn't be worried about divorce because we're never getting divorced i'm not worried about you fuck you're doing like why why you're getting so upset about this bill just sign the paper and get married we're gonna be together forever i don't know what you're worried about jesus christ you're freaking out about don't you love me you're freaking out about a divorce you love me you're freaking out

about a divorce we're not getting divorced we love each other god sign it sign it and then when you sign it the darkness clouds roll over but also like humans change it's like we it's so funny when you're you could say about anything else well i'm not married to it you know do you want that thing there i'm not married to it but with a want that thing there? I'm not married to it. But with a human, the thing that's most malleable, we're like, yep, I'm going to marry it. But for some people, it works fantastically. I think in some countries, they actually have term limits. They actually have marriage terms.

I don't think that's a real thing. I think it is. Really? Yeah, Google it. Some countries have like a term. We did this before, right? Yeah, Google it. Some countries have like a term. We did this before, right? Yeah, it's real. Some countries have like you could get married for like seven years.

Oh, I see. And then you have to re-up. Yeah. And you can decide at the end of it. You're like, look, I think we're good. Let's get out of here. Right. Yeah.

Well, but that's putting a level of logic into it that's probably not going to really obtain when the moment comes. Because by that time, you're so codependent. Girls are not going to tolerate obtain when the moment comes because by that time you're so codependent girls are not going to tolerate that they're gonna let me ask you this how long you've been with bill you've been with and he wants a fucking term limit right my god you guys are going to be together forever what are you doing with the fucking term limit because if you stuck with dave i bet dave wouldn't ask right dave's not like that look dave might be a little boring maybe he's not as funny but he's a fucking solid guy and he would have signed the contract. You'd be fine, girl.

You'd be fine. It's like when agents are competing to sign you and they're like, you didn't read for that? Oh, I could have gotten in on that. As soon as there's a financial incentive with anything, things get squirrely. That's what I'm saying. But it also, you know, I remember

it's funny you mentioned Tom Arnold. I had him on the very first episode of Politically Incorrect, I think with Roseanne, and they were talking about marriage. And he said, the great thing about marriage is when you have a big fight and somebody says, I'm leaving, you can go, you can't, we're married. And I got what he was saying. Some people like that, that you have this self-imposed barrier that- Makes it more difficult. It's like a waiting period with guns. Or when they make you look at the sonogram when you want an abortion in some states,

look at your fucking baby on the computer screen there and come back tomorrow and tell me you want to kill that kid. You have a waiting period. You have to cool off. You can't just leave. Whereas if you're not married, you can. Right. Unless you live together. That's more complicated or kids are more complicated.

But yeah. The other one we got on the board is Kevin Federline. We got him too. What do you mean? Oh, right, right. Britney's baby. He's Britney's baby daddy. Yeah. He's

driving a Ferrari right now on Britney's cash. Absolutely. Absolutely. Plus he got to fuck Britney Spears, which is a double fist pump. Is that a good thing? Oh, yeah. He hasn't said one thing the whole time. He's been here for

16 hours. He has not said one word. And that was the one thing that made a sound come out of Jamie. She's got two things that men enjoy. She's hot and she's crazy. She's probably fantastic in bed. Is Britney? But still hot? There was a photo of her recently on Instagram.

She still looks hot as fuck. I thought she... Yeah, she was in a bikini. I think she fell apart. Okay. She might be. I've never seen her in real life. You don't... Yeah, she was in a bikini. I think she fell apart. Okay. She might be. I've never seen her in real life. You don't know until you see them, right?

Right. I mean, I didn't... Yeah, I guess I haven't followed her. That's her right now. I haven't... That's her right now? Yep. Well, that's a lot of...

Right now. No makeup, no filter. No filter. I was going to say, that's a lot of... Look at that picture right there. That's a lot of... Oh, that one looks crazy as fuck. Well, that...

She got some crazy videos recently. I do not find... Oh, she's crazy as fuck, man. But that one right there that we're saying is so great. Upper left? No, no. The right in the middle. The one in the middle?

I do not... Oh, listen. If it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you're both drunk, that's what you want. Well, I'm never drunk anymore. And now I go to bed at midnight, which is quite a... She's knocking on your door. Bill, wake up! It's Britney!

I'm here to fuck! And my dad's here with me because he has to be wherever I go. I see that controversy. Well, she's like 36 years old now, too. Do you think she still has to do that? Well, she does. There's a whole free Britney movement from people who have nothing better to do with their time.

And there's no more issues. Of all the issues in the country that you could adopt as something to take to care about but people are saying because yes she still is under that um order that her father has to run her life because remember when she went she went crazy yeah yeah i think she's probably always crazy she just expressed it in a way that made people concerned and also i think she's a sweet southern girl who show business will make you crazy for sure i mean they chained the paparazzi chased her like they chased lady diana she couldn't leave her house yeah um and yeah that level of fame is almost

unmanageable for anybody it is what we saw elvis go through or michael jackson go through or any any like right do they get you get to that super pop star level like yep no one can handle it no one and it's it yes there is a point where it's fame i think we know is terrific mostly unless it gets to that point right i mean when it's the people trying to help you when you're other people are just looking at like, you know, salespeople and people at airline counters and people who just look at you like, what the fuck do you want? Oh, I don't know. Just for you to do your job. But if they recognize you, then suddenly you get a smile. I always say being famous is like living in a small southern town, you know, in the 50s.

Hello, how you doing? It's so good to see you you know they're just people are just friendly in a way that they aren't anymore in big cities well you know where they're still friendly like that dallas texas oh yes the south texas is crazy south is all the south is still a friendlier place i love playing the south yeah i'm always in the south i never considered texas the south it's kind of its own thing it's sort of the south it is the west you're right as much as it is the south it's everything it's a world because we're the south what we're the south if you look at the south of the country well we're the southern california we're the west but we're also the south texas is a weird thing but we know what we mean when we talk about the South, the old Dixie. But Texas is so big.

Austin, to me, is not Texan enough. I might as well be in New York. It's more like San Francisco, like a slice of San Francisco. Yes, it's still liberal. Yes, I do. You want real barbecue. Yes, I like, well, not barbecue, but I like that Texas flavor. Houston I love.

I always had a better – back when I used to go out after a show, always had a better time in the south than the north. Much rather party in Houston than, I don't know, Boston, which is a beautiful city, and I love it, and I love performing there. But I never found the party, but you can't miss it in houston yeah you know they're a little more jovial yeah jovial it's interesting how we think of the south too like arizona's not the south but it's fucking for sure the south i mean it's bordering mexico yes well arizona yeah i mean they're they're they're bringing up the rear a little bit that's a strange spot uh certain civilization-wise. It's the conservative bastion.

This is Barry Goldwater country. This is Sheriff Joe Arpaio. There's some real, real cavemen in Arizona. What's an open carry state? When you stick to cities, which we do, we're not playing theaters. cavemen in Arizona. But I love Arizona. Well, it's an open carry state. Yeah. But when you stick to cities, which we do, we're not playing theaters in the sticks. It doesn't matter what state you're in. You're always going to be and get a liberal audience.

Look at the election map every year. There's a lot of red. But any place there's a city, it's a blue dot, especially if they have a college town. I played Birmingham, Alabama. It looks like any place else, at least the crowd coming to my show. I think it was Birmingham. It was somewhere in Alabama. It must have been either Birmingham or Mobile.

There was a bass fishing contest or award show tournament, something going on. Like at the same time as my show or maybe my show was starting and it was letting out. But there was this, I was driving up to the theater. There was a long crowd of people coming to my show who looked like, dressed like anywhere else, normal. And then on the other side of the street going the other way, a bunch of people in flannel shirts and trucker hats. And it couldn't have been a more obvious example of two Americas. But within the city of Birmingham, Alabama. But it's still a city. And, you know, we see that electorally, the divide.

Trump does super well among people who never left the town they were born in, rural people, people out in the sticks, and does terrible in the cities and now much more increasingly in the suburbs. The suburbs are the swing vote. The suburbs, last time in 2016, there was a lot of people in the suburbs who don't follow politics that closely. And they just said, boy, things suck in America. Let's let the dog drive for a while. Let's see what happens.

Let's see what happens. And they didn't, you know, they want to, he's a businessman. He must know how to run the economy and all this stuff. We'll try something new. Those people, I think, first of all, a lot of them have peeled away already. Those are the gettable voters. Those are the people, if the Democrats want to win, I think that they have to target. And they already have.

But that's why it's so risky to run someone far left. I think if you run Amy Klobuchar, as much as people say, oh, she's dull and she's this and she's that and no one's excited. Yeah, but again, binary. At the end of the day, when there's only two choices, Trump or her, I think it would be very hard for her to get the nomination. I think as far as winning the election, I think she would be very hard for her to get the nomination. I think as far as winning the election, I think she would do it fairly easily. Do you think that Bernie's too left? For a lot of the country, yes.

Do you think that's real? But the media asked the wrong question. The media asks, and there's a debate tonight, the media asks the wrong question, which is, what would you do? This is a question that only makes sense if you're running for king. The question should not be, what would you do? This is a question that only makes sense if you're running for king. The question should not be, what would you do? The question is, what can you get through? What can you propose that Mitch McConnell will not either block or you can override with votes? Because that's a very different discussion. What Bernie Sanders wants to do, we shouldn't even be talking about because it's not going to happen.

The free education, paying back student loan debt. Medicare for all. Medicare for all. You know, all these – Impossible. As long as – unless the Republicans self-deport, even if the Democrat wins the election, there's still going to be half the country that's Republican and half the Congress is going to be Republican. And a lot of Democrats are not for this stuff. You know, when the Democrats took over the House in 2018, it was moderate Democrats who

won their elections. It wasn't the far left. So you get four years of spinning your wheel in the mud. You get, well. Hoping to get some traction. Yeah. Even if he gets in. Again, it's what can get through Congress? What can you get a consensus on?

What can you make possible? Obama, when he did health care, said, yes, if we were starting from scratch, it would make sense to go for a single-payer system. But we're not starting from scratch. We're starting from a system where most people already have health insurance through their employer. It's a crazy story how that happened. It was World War II, and they couldn't raise wages because that was the law, so they had to find a way to give employers something else, so they gave them health insurance. But that's what we have now. And a lot of people like it or say they like it. I don't think a lot of people like arguing with their insurance company, but they're afraid of something worse. And I don't blame them. If you're going to tell me

the government, and I'm a Democrat, but if you're going to tell me the government is going to smoothly handle taking over something that large, I am going to be a little skeptical. Well, you should be. They don't smoothly handle anything. There's no evidence they smoothly handle anything other than maybe delivering the news or delivering the mail. Look, again, as an old school progressive, when you go down the list of things that the progressives have accomplished, especially in my lifetime, I cheer them all. Social Security, well, that wasn't my lifetime, but they improved it in my lifetime. Social Security, well, that wasn't my lifetime, but they improved it in my lifetime.

Medicare, Medicaid. These are great programs. I mean, before Social Security, the senior poverty rate was like in the 28% or something, and then it went down below 10. It was a success. But when you look at what the government really, what their big successes have amounted to, it's passing out money that very often they don't have. That's what they're really good at. Running a giant healthcare system, especially when the politicians who are proposing these systems will not, A, talk enough about, we've got to cap the gouging. You can't pass out all this money if you're going to allow people, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies to charge anything they want when the price of an EpiPen can go up from

$12 to $1,200 overnight. That just can't happen. And also, they don't ask the people to lift a finger to take care of their own health. Nobody's healthcare system is going to work unless you involve, people have some skin in the game. You can't like not tell the people, look, you can't keep eating as much as you want and as shitty a food as you want and expect us to cover the bill. You just can't. That is not something that anybody wants to hear though. Oh, I know because I did that editorial. I know i remember that people got upset well people here's the story people did not people loved it until james corden said something oh that's right

he had that whole first of all he did that and in doing that made fat fat jokes. Which I did not, by the way. Jesus Christ, yeah. Mine was, there was nothing cheap on it. Morbid people. Morbidly obese people. First of all, he missed a great opportunity to literally save lives. If he had taken the opposite approach, he took the easy way out. Of course, you can always get applause for saying, oh, let's boo the mean man who's told the truth.

That's not brave. First of all, my point was, A, that you can't solve health care unless you ask the people to participate in that. That was one. And also that we've gone to this place where we're proud of it. We're proud of being unhealthy. Weight Watchers had to take the name weight and watchers out of their title. It's WW now. It's like, what? It's see, being fat isn't bad. What's bad is someone pointing out that fat is bad. But I mean, I read the statistic in that editorial, 40,000 people a

month, a month die from obesity. That's a crazy number. That is a crazy number. We have to somehow reverse this idea that we have in this country, not just about obesity, but about a lot of things where I'm perfect the way I am. I am just perfect the way I am. And if you say different, you're a very bad person. That's not a good place to be. It's not healthy for anybody. You're protecting people's emotions, but shielding them from a possible moment that might make them realize that they are eating themselves to death. Right. I mean, look, I said it also in the piece. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

That's fine. Whatever you think is beautiful, that's your deal. But health is science. Yeah. That's science. And when we get apoplectic when there's 50 deaths from shootings or something a month, yeah, it's very bad, and we should be serious about that problem. But 50 versus 40,000 every month? And that's just what they're counting from the big ones, cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. There's literally nothing about your health that is improved by

being overweight. So, you know, I said we shouldn't taunt people, but, you know, compare it to anything else. I also owned up to the fact that I used to drink too much and I smoked, but I didn't defend it. When someone said, you know, you went kind of hard last night with the drinking, I didn't say, how dare you drunk shame me well the weird thing you're right i did weird thing about cordon too is he's not that fat like he could fix that in a couple of months that's not that hard no he took it out it was a it was opportunistic and i'm saying yeah he could have he literally lost an opportunity to save lives because as someone who does struggle with weight, he could have taken the opposite approach and said, you know, Bill makes a really good point.

And we should look at how we are dealing with this. I noticed Jillian Michaels, the fitness expert. This took a lot of shit for Lizzo. For Lizzo. Yeah. And, you know, if you want to be whatever weight you want to be that's fine but it's wrong to shame a fitness expert for saying this isn't healthy well it gets even she said it's not going to be that amazing when she gets diabetes yeah and people want not diabetes has

nothing to do with weight uh diabetes has for sure everything to do with it for sure also they they they lie they say things like, it's the fat gene. It's, you know, there's not, it's not that. Or here's another one. And look, this is valid. It's valid that

in this country it is a lot harder to eat right if you're poor. Yes. And we should totally address that. Yes.

I doubt if it's on any candidate's top ten list, but the way the food situation and subsidies are done in this country is horrible. But given that, let's not just throw up our hands and say we're the can't-do country. And because it's harder, let's not even try. Yes, it is harder to eat right on a budget.

But I'll tell you something, something you never need to have with your food soda which is a large part of it okay and you'll save money you don't have to have soda you don't have a snickers bar a banana is 19 cents so it's not impossible adele got shit recently because she got yes Because she got healthier That was also a part of my thing Was fit shaming Not fat shaming People go eat something Eat something

I'm fine So you can feel better About your weight problem I should eat and get fat too Well when heavy people have a fan Or have someone that they're a fan of That's also heavy like James Corden. So he's heavy.

He's got people in the audience that love him, and they love him standing up for other heavy people. Yeah, we're fine. We're fine. He's one of us. We're fine. I think they felt like that with Adele. Adele was this fantastic singer, super talented, extremely popular, and overweight. Like, yeah, it's fine.

It's fine. I'm like Adele. Everyone's fine it's fine i'm like adele everyone's fine it wasn't then she loses weight like you feel like she's betraying you because one of the reasons why i liked you is because you're fat now you're not fat anymore it wasn't that long ago that we were applauding people when they lost weight yeah i remember when remember when oprah came out that time was she was oh this was like in the 80s, I think. But she had lost a whole bunch of, well, there's a picture. It's a very famous picture. I think she's like in jeans and she's got a really thin waist.

And she was raising her hands in triumph and everyone was applauding. I guess that's bad now because, again, you have to be perfect the way you are. And if you criticize that, then you're a bad person. My take on this is just that there's too many voices that you hear. Because of social media, you hear so many nonsense voices and they stand out just like everybody else's voice. There's so many people just screaming into the void because there's so many social media accounts. There's so many people that are tweeting about things and Facebooking about things. And it gets people confused.

This is like a rational perspective. And again, with these echo chambers, they all just hop on board and support James Corden or support, you know, Adele needs to fatten back up. And you'll get thousands of likes. Everybody will go crazy. That's the key word. Yeah. That's just what I didn't understand until about a year ago, that so many people are saying things on social media, not because they really believe it, to get the likes. That's really scary.

That's weird. We had a billboard once when we were coming back on the air in January, just like now, about four or five years ago. And the tagline was, he's not in it for the likes. And it's my favorite piece of promotion that anyone has ever done for me. He's not in it for the likes. Advertising that as, this is why you watch this show. But obviously that's not the way a lot of people feel. They are in it for the likes. And they will take a position that they don't believe in because they know it'll get likes and i've heard this from people i actually respect and i'm like wow you have an addiction that is an

addiction addiction of likes addiction yeah there is absolutely that and they calculate their posts based on the kind of response they think it's going to get it's not like a free expression it's not like they're they're making saying, how do I feel about this thing? Okay, they're writing it down going, how are people going to react to this? How am I going to get people to really think that I'm awesome? How am I going to get people to really think I'm progressive, really think I'm an open-minded person? Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. The male feminist perspective. Right. Yeah. I was just talking to my friend Jimmy Dore about that, about male feminists, about that. That's like a wholly false perspective, and you never see it in gay guys. There are no male feminist gay guys because they're not trying to fuck the women.

So it's not a position they would take. They'll support you. They'll be your friend. Right. But this whole idea, I'm an ally. I mean, you're trying to fuck, man. It's so clear. It's such an obvious perspective.

Right. It's just such a weird, sneaky thing. Yeah. But it's a version of the same thing people are doing for likes on social media. It's a version of the same thing people are doing for likes on social media. It's a calculated expression in order to get the kind of response you're hoping. It's greasy. Right?

It's greasy. That's not the word I would have thought of, but perfect. Whenever I read male feminist posts, I get angry. Not that I don't want equality for women. You're a greasy man. I know what you're doing. But do you read your Twitter? No. Me neither.

Never. Because, it's too toxic. Exactly. And what I read about people, very often, who've killed themselves.

Oh, yeah, after reading the responses. That, yeah, this is a big thing. How about this guy losing his fucking job for saying retard? Couldn't you just stop? Well, he got a job with the Saints.

Did he? Oh, that's fine. He's a great football player. Which is a better team, yeah. But, I mean, I asked some people who I know, like Barry Weiss, who's a brilliant person. And she's like, oh, it's so depressing. It's like, don't read it. Oh, yeah.

She came out of here. That generation cannot stop reading, even when it's going to kill them. I don't understand that. Well, it's very impulsive, right? You see your name and you see someone. What do they say? Oh, Barry, you're brilliant. Oh, thank you.

And then you go a little further. You fucking dumb cunt. Died you. Oh, Jesus Christ. And then there's a little further you fucking died you oh jesus christ and then there's a bunch of them liking that response and then a bunch of people piling on and you gotta realize this first of all they don't even know you're a real human a lot of people have never met anyone famous they have no they they are looking at and a lot of them are 15 like when i i always say that if i had a twitter account when i was 15 i would have said horrible shit to famous

people right just to get a rise right just to get a react to see if i can get them to react I always say that if I had a Twitter account when I was 15, I would have said horrible shit to famous people. Right. Just to get a rise. Right. Just to see if I can get them to react. It's not even things that they necessarily mean. They don't know you. Unless they meet you, they don't even really know you. But that people take it to heart so much that they kill themselves.

You know what? A few of these K-pop stars have killed themselves. Really? Look that up. from social media yes i think so i think that's the main reason and and they're and these are you know pop stars yeah i can't imagine bobby sherman right you know in 1968 reading his fan mail this one hates me too. Elvis had a Twitter account.

Hey man, who the fuck do you give a shit if Priscilla's 14? We like each other, man. Yeah. Come on. What the fuck? I ain't a pervert.

Yeah. Fuck. Well, maybe he could have used social media back then. That's it, right? That's the balance. Like,

you don't want Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his cousin and drowning his wives and you also don't want Elvis fucking 14 yearyear-olds. Maybe it'd be better. Yeah. Maybe a little bit.

There's a balance to be achieved. I often wonder what my life would have been like as a teenager with this stuff. Because maybe it would have made me kill myself. But I was painfully shy. Couldn't really talk to a girl. If I had been able to text them, I think I would have done. Maybe you would have been able to say some clever shit.

Exactly. Right. I think I could have done really well with that. I would have had a lot of dick pictures floating around, 100%. I would have sent it to everybody. Are you fucking dumb and young? You have no idea that's going to last forever. I thought that was a humble brag about his dick.

No. No. It's a regular dick. But just any old dick, I'd send people other people's dicks. But I would just think that the whole idea about it. Yeah, because young boys love dick pics. They draw it. Yeah, they're crazy.

Remember that scene in, what was the fucking movie? Super Bad. That was one of my favorite scenes in a movie ever, where he's just drawing dicks in class all day. Yes, exactly. It's fucking hilarious. Yes, because it's so true. That's so true.

Yeah. Look, we got real lucky that we are not held up to the standards that kids are today, because everything they do today that they put online, they're going to put a lot of things online. It's permanent, forever. I couldn't imagine something that I said when I was 14 being permanent. And that points me back to this thing about this football player and things that people write on Twitter. It's something that Louis C.K. said to me recently. We were talking about this.

He said, people look at stuff when it's written down like it's different. But it's just talk. It's talk, but it's written. Like people say, oh,'s just talk it's talk but it's written like people say shit oh she's a fucking bitch i'm tired of her shit and then you see her like oh i'm sorry like but that's talk right but when you see it written it's like oh my god did you see what he put on twitter do you see what he wrote like you're talking to the whole world now right and you got to realize this is a different thing and then people get a screenshot of it you can never take it back you said it we're gonna keep it forever we're gonna archive it

look he said it he said she's a fucking bitch and you can't there's no just talk anymore but we're wired for just talk people are wired for gossip and and nonsense talk especially when you're drinking but if you're drinking then you get on Twitter. Oh! You could say the dumbest shit ever. You could tank your life. And people have. Yeah. Well, Justine Sacco, that famous case. Yes, that was one of the first ones, the one who was on.

As soon as she got off the flight. Her life was upside down. Right. She gets on a plane. I mean, it's almost comical except for her. It's comical. She gets on a plane and tweets that something is funny. And then by the time the plane lands, her life's over.

By the way, Family Guy did a hysterical version of that where Brian the dog goes into the theater. He tweets something going into a theater, and it's semi-racist. And then by the time he comes out of the movie, his life is destroyed by the Twitter mob. There's literally a mob outside his house. We're not designed for permanence like that, to be able to just express yourself loosely.

It's like if you're going to write something in a book and publish that book and you're going to carefully consider every word and then you put that book out and you go, okay, we've gone over it. We've read it. That's a different thing. Then fuck this guy. So what do you think should go on with Louis C.K.? You mentioned him. fuck this guy so what do you think should go on with louis ck you mentioned him um i know more about it than most people because i've talked to louis about it but what happened versus what's being portrayed is what happened there were uh there's a lot of stuff that's just not true like

he he's never blocking anybody's door and what's and what's unfair is that he cannot say it. If you engage and defend yourself and correct the record, then you make it worse. So you're in this sort of purgatory where if you hear things that are not true, you also cannot say anything about it. That's an unfair place to be. And also, also like is everything a hanging offense my problem with some of the me too stuff and of course i think like every right thinking person it was a great thing that happened that men have been put on notice that you're playing with five fouls and you just can't get away with a lot of the shit you used to.

Particularly men in positions of power in the office place. Right. I mean, I think. Employers. Yeah. Let's also extend it to the fracking industry and McDonald's and every other place in America where probably it's very prevalent. Nobody ever hears about it. But there is just no consistency.

Charlie Sheen, who I'm not picking on, I like him, but he got a Super Bowl commercial last year. Well, he did way worse things than Louis C.K. Way worse. You couldn't give Louis C.K. So people would be like, Louis C.K.'s in a Super Bowl commercial? That is ridiculous. Charlie Sheen. Yeah, Charlie Sheen has no shame. I know, but he held a knife to his... Did he? That time in Aspen, he was with the third wife or something,

and I seem to remember... But he's being sued for giving people AIDS. I mean, there's just this litany of things that are way worse than whacking off in front of people, which is not cool either, of course. But Louis did apologize and own up to it. And I just think, where is the consistency? And also, where is the, is everything a life sentence? Louis is a horrible person forever?

Right. Or is there some point where we used to go, yes, a person pays his debt to society in some way. And then, you know, you're allowed back. I just feel bad for him. I mean, I feel like he did weird shit that he shouldn't have done for sure. And I think he knows that. I know he knows that. But what is the proper punishment?

And who decides it? Well, he's definitely working again. So all the people that are complaining and bitching about it. Overseas. No, he's working here. He's doing a lot of theaters. He's touring again. Right.

Yeah. Selling his tickets to his fans. Yeah. Sure. But he certainly can't do everything he wants to do. Right. And he can't. He can still tour, but even if he wants to do a special, boy, who's going to take him

up on that? Yeah. You know? Who's going to take him up on that, right? Yeah. You know? Who's going to jump the line? And maybe the proper punishment is another five years before you can have a special. Oh, that's a long time. Well, I'm just saying.

I'm just pulling it out of my ass. I'm just saying what we need some sort of- It's been more than two years now. Some sort of me-too court that will hand down a fair and justified – Judge Rose McGowan presiding. Yeah. Yeah. How would you – how do you decide when a person has been punished enough and what is the crime? That's right.

He's got some hilarious bits about it. He goes, so the problem was I like jerking off and I don't like being alone. Right. He opens up with it. Right. And I don't like being alone right and i wanted to the rest of the material he does about it but you know he asked he asked can i jerk off in front of you when they said yes he did it it's not a good thing nothing's good about any of it but and he knows it and i'm not defending him but right people are portraying it as far worse than – like he went up at Skank Fest in New York and people went crazy and cheered and I reposted the video of it. And someone posted on Twitter one of the rare times they look, fuck you, Joe Rogan.

He assaulted women. Yeah, no. I'm like, no, he didn't. No. But he didn't. You can't change what assault means. Right. He asked if he could jerk off in front of people and then he did.

There's some question as to whether or not he jerked off on the phone with somebody. I don't think that's assault either. It's kind of creepy. Not even kind of. I'm sure he would say it's creepy. But we're not talking about someone who assaulted people. You can't just change the definitions of the word because it makes you feel better about hating someone. Now, I also read, but I don't know if it's true if his management i think um threatened women who were going to talk about this or prevented

someone's career from moving because of this if that happened that to me is almost worse yes that's really bad stuff yes agree i don't know if that true. And he's not allowed to talk to straighten that out. Well, it's not that he's not allowed to talk. Well, it would make it worse. He's considered talking about it a few times. And I think he just decides at the end of the day it's just better to just keep pushing ahead. Right. And his new hour, apparently, I'm not advertising for it, but from everybody that I heard, it's fucking amazing.

Because all the pain, all the craziness. He apparently has a- Talk about new material. Rock and new hour. Talk about something to talk about. Do you have to get out of here? Because they said you got two hours. It's about 10.

I do, because it's like a work night for me. All right. Well, wrap this bad boy up. Tell people, when's the new season air? Friday. This Friday? Yeah's the new season air? Friday. This Friday? Yeah, the 17th of January. Same bat time, same bat channel, HBO at 10 Eastern.

And I guess you can figure out the other time zones from that. And we're going to go back at it again. Plenty to talk about. Plenty to talk about, always. See? Congratulations, by the way, on making this such a big stop and such an iconic place. You did good. Thank you.

Thank you. I don't know what the fuck happened. Stumbled into it. Will you do my show? Sure. Okay, I asked you before and you were very squirrely about it. There's so many people. They're all talking over each other for sound bites. I heard you say that once when you were laughing at some guy doing a terrible impression of me. Kyle Kalinsky? He does a great impression of you.

I didn't know who he was. Have you ever seen the face swap version that he does of you on Instagram? No. Oh, find that before we leave. What's that? Did I say Kalinsky? Sorry. Sorry, Kyle. Kyle Dunn Oh. I don't know what that is. Find that before we leave. What's that? Did I say Kalinsky? Sorry. Sorry, Kyle.

Kyle Dunn again. We don't have to look at this. I'm leaving. It's amazing. To you, it was amazing. It wasn't. I don't matter. People have done me, and I can laugh at it.

It's not that it was just. He's your face. He's got your face, and he's doing an impression of you. You've never seen this? I did not. I saw what. Anyway. The point.

It doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. The point was, what was the point? The point was there's not too many people talking over each other on your show. Correct. It feels like it is to me. It's very difficult to have a conversation when there's so many different people talking. That's such a fundamental criticism of my show.

It's not your show. It's just that format. That's the size of the group of people. But that was, I think you're thinking of Politically Incorrect was that way. I'm just thinking of your show. It's not your show. It's just that format. That's the size of the group of people. But that was, I think you're thinking of Politically Incorrect was that way. I'm thinking of your show right now.

Well, I'm there every week. Okay. I trust you. And I monitor it pretty closely. Of course, when you have a panel,

which we do, there can be those moments, but we don't book that kind of person and that kind of show. It's not the old let's get them fighting thing. We don't want that. And honestly, the number of times when people have been shouting over each other and you can't hear them is very little.

It's not even that they're shouting over each other. If you have a point and you want to talk about something, you got to let it roll around inside your head. But you would be the mid-show guest to my left, and it would be a one-on-one. You know, I do a one-on-one twice in the show. Have you seen the show? Yes. Okay. In the middle of the show, I bring out more of a celebrity usually to my left.

I watched the one where Sam Harris started going at it with Ben Affleck because of that. Sam was your one-on-one. That's right. Okay. Well, you picked the one example where somebody, that's what you were talking about. I think he's seen one show. No, I've seen several. I saw the one with Milo.

I've seen Jordan Peterson. I've seen many, many shows. We've done over 500. When Hitchens went after- I'm glad we got- Come on. I don't demand that anyone be a fan. I just like honesty. One of my favorite ones was when Christopher Hitchens went after... I'm glad we got... Come on. I don't demand that anyone be a fan. I just like honesty.

One of my favorite ones was when Christopher Hitchens went after Mos Def. Well, he's been dead for like 10 years. So once again, we're establishing your knowledge of this show is very limited.

I've watched a bunch of episodes. I hope you... You don't have to watch any. I don't need you. But I have. I have lots of fans. I don't need one more. What I'm saying is I'd like you to do it because I think you You don't have to watch any I don't need you But I have I have lots of fans I'm not saying I don't need one more What I'm saying is

I'd like you to do it Because I think you'd be good And I like listening to you And you'd be to my left One on one There would be nobody shouting over you Because they wouldn't be involved Okay

So you wouldn't have that problem So will you do it? Yes Great Alright Talk to me anyway Shit And then we'll talk to me anyway and then we'll work on hawaii all right all right bill maher ladies thank you thank you appreciate

you being here man yeah real fun bye everybody