The Joe Rogan Experience - #1448 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

Joey “CoCo” Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor. Joey also hosts his own podcast called “The Church of What’s Happening Now” available on Spotify.

And we're live, Joey Diaz. My brother. How you feeling? Like a new fucking man, rested. I know, rested, right? Rested, very rested. I looked at this as a reset button. As soon as I came back from Vegas, I knew what time it was.

February 29th, it was at 50% capacity. Yeah, we were there a week later we were there when Tommy was at the Mirage and the UFC had their Las Vegas card it was ghost town not even half full I mean a week after you

you were at 50% capacity it was probably dropping less than that but the UFC was packed and then I came to the comedy store You were at 50% capacity. It was probably dropping less than that. 30. It was at 30. But the UFC was packed. It was packed. Yeah. Packed. And then I came to the comedy store March 2nd, and that's when I could smell it in the fucking air.

When I went into the green room, bro, and I saw all those people in the green room, I basically had a fucking panic attack. Yeah. And I went right to the door. There's a street door in the back of the Eddie Murphy door. If he comes back, that's what we'll call it, the Eddie Murphy door. This house is going to get in and out of there. There's no other way.

Yeah, they're going to have to have guards to get in there. So I went to the Eddie Murphy door, and I stayed there. And you could just see people in the audience like nothing was going on. I just got shattered. I was shattered by Saturday. And remember, I was supposed to be in New York for St. Paddy's Day and the Monday before. I was supposed to be in New York the 16th and 17th with a show at Nyack on the 12th. And I saw it happening.

I went to a doctor for a shot on my knee to get the gel for the arthritis. And he said, you might have a weird reaction to it. And sure enough, Tuesday I I went to boxing class, and the guy goes, dog, your leg is bruised. So I had a little bruising on my leg, and I got home, and that night on the news, it had hit New Rochelle. And I go, wait a second, New Rochelle and Nyack,

they're like fucking neighbors. You know, my memory, and I served me right, but in my mind, that talk clustered. Pretty close, yeah. It's all pretty on top of everything. So I sent a letter, a picture of my need of the producers, and I said, I'm not coming in, because they wanted me to come in Thursday for wardrobe,

and then I was just going to sit in my hotel room for two days, you know, go to Jersey and eat and shit like that. So even during all this, they were still planning on filming, and this is for the Sopranos movie. So we were going to do a couple shoots, reshoots. and shit like that. So even during all this, they were still planning on filming. And this is for the Sopranos movie. So we were gonna do a couple of shoots, reshoots. Not reshoots, extra scenes. That Tuesday when I got home, New Rochelle had busted.

I sent them a picture of my knee and said I'm not getting on the plane till Friday. I want the swelling to go down. But it doesn't take a fucking, I got a GED. And when I was in New York City in May, I went by the garden to eat lunch. I wanted to get out of my hotel room,

and I went to the garden on the side. You could sit there at 12 o'clock, and they have everything, steak sandwiches, whatever you want, pretty fucking good, too. Trucks? No, they have a building that has foods inside, and they have some trucks, and you could sit outside. Fucking beautiful.

But while I was sitting there, it was a Tuesday. I was off from shooting. And I remember calling my wife and specifically saying, I like it here and everything, but if Godzilla comes out of the Hudson River, where are all these people going to go? If you sit in New York City or Manhattan, like on the 50s, and just sit there at a cafe, you could estimate.

I mean, it's like maybe 10,000 for every 10 minutes that you sit there, people that walk by you. We don't have that foot traffic in L.A. like there's in New York. There's a little bit of foot traffic downtown, but Sunset Strip, that ship sailed. You don't see people walking around the Sunset Strip, Hollywood Boulevard, but not to the dense population. No. Not to the numbers of New York. So it was a no fucking brain. This is a GED here. This is me sitting there going, this is going to happen.

I just kept cutting it down. And my biggest fear was going to the East Coast and getting stuck. It could happen. I would have had to buy a truck to Cadillac and drove back. I was already prepared. Like, I was like, I'm going to buy a truck and drive back. Do you think you could do that drive? That's a long-ass fucking drive.

I could do that. I've done that drive 20 times. What is it, five days? Five days, four days. Four days, you got to do like what, 16 hours a day? Yeah. It's hard to stay awake. I did Colorado, New Jersey, like the back of my hand.

How far is that? In the early 80s, three. What is it from here to Colorado, like here to Denver? I think 16. 16. Here to Utah, Salt Lake is 10? 10. That's a good one.

Did you do that one? That's a good escape. That's a good one. Did you do that one? That's a good escape. That's a good escape. Have you done that? No, I have not. But I've done Vegas multiple times, right? Vegas is about four and a half. Four and a half, yeah.

And then you go another six-ish, somewhere in that range, you get to Salt Lake, depending on traffic. Salt Lake, you go to Salt Lake City at five in the afternoon, like, oh, fuck, rush hour. Hey, where's the cars? You just fly by. There's's the cars? Just fly by. There's no one there. Just fly by. There's nobody there.

There's nobody there. And now, it took me 10 minutes to get here. We thought, I thought Salt Lake City was like millions. I thought it was like millions of people. It's not millions. What did we figure out, Jamie? It's like a couple hundred thousand. What a cool fucking place.

I love it. I love Salt Lake City. It's so underrated. What a cool fucking place. Because the Mormons put a stink on it. Nobody knows dick about dick. They got reefer, bongs, grenades. They got everything.

Great Mexican food. Great food. Did you go to that one famous Mexican joint? Something lizard? I was walking around and some guy goes, Joey Dears, I got the perfect spot for you. He seemed cool. He drove me to a Mexican joint. What is that?

There's one famous Mexican spot in... Did you get the number? It says estimated as 200K, but the metro area is 1.2 million, so I don't know. Yeah, that's like, that goes all the way out to the mountains. 1.2 million. That's nothing. Yeah,

that's nothing. 200,000 in the city. When you see those people and then I started hearing that we're going to cancel Coachella. And I'm like, then I'm going to nothing. No. 200,000 in the city. When you see those pop, when people are like dense, and then I started hearing that we're going to cancel Coachella. And I'm like, they're going to cancel Coachella. They're too fucking greedy to cancel Coachella. Dog, old people, that's what some palms brings. Well, once they canceled South by Southwest, I was like, whoa, like, whoa, this is crazy. And the store was planning on keeping the OR open. And they canceled my show in the main room,

and they offered me a spot in the OR. I was like, I don't think we should be doing shows. Like, this doesn't seem like, this seems like it's getting real. Because if you make a mistake, and there's a 14-day period where all these people can get infected, who the fuck knows who gets infected during those 14 days? Because we didn't know what it was yet. It's so because we didn't know what it was yet It's still we don't know what it's still strange because so many people Idris Elba apparently is asymptomatic

he's not showing any symptoms and he has asthma and I was reading something find out if this is true that somewhere in the neighborhood of 60% of the people are asymptomatic somewhere in the neighborhood of 60% of the people are asymptomatic. And I wonder if that means they never show symptoms, or I wonder if that means they're asymptomatic for a certain period of time. So 60% of the people infected are asymptomatic, but a certain percentage of those people ultimately get the cold or get the cough and all the terrible symptoms, the fever.

Because you really, listen, you know a lot of people, and I know a lot of people, and nobody's called me yet. That has it? I have. Michael Yeo. Michael Yeo was almost dead. Michael Yeo went to New York City, did Gotham. He came back.

He got real sick. No. Yes, yes, yes. He got pneumonia and the COVID-19 at the same time so he got coronavirus and pneumonia and he said now now six days ago I talked to him two days ago he said for four days before that he thought he was gonna die he's there couldn't breathe pneumonia and this coronavirus I think I think this motherfucker, it plays with you.

If you don't have it, if you don't get it, you can kind of like, oh, well, this is no big deal. But if you do get it, it fucking grabs you. Like Jamie knows a girl who's 21 who lost her sense of smell and taste. And it just, it wrecks people. We were Googling a story about this Olympic swimmer from South Africa, 31, stud athlete, Olympic swimmer. He said this virus fucked him up. He said it was the worst thing he's ever experienced.

So it's weird. It almost like plays with our mind. Like it makes some people seem like they're immune and some people are fine. Maybe it's you. Take a chance. Go outside. Take a chance. Go to's you. Take a chance. Go outside. Take a chance. Go to a restaurant.

Take a chance. Go to the beach. Let's go to the beach. What's the worst thing that can happen? Fuck it. Eat a cracko's asshole. Go deep. Fuck it.

And then boom, a bunch of people in your family get it, and then boom, your grandma dies. Look at Italy. Do you know what happened in Italy? Look at Italy. They just went out. They all lived together. Yep. Yep, yep, yep. They all lived together. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

They all lived together, and they hanged together. Nothing wrong with that. That's how people are where I came from. They're supposed to be like that. There's a basement. Your grandmother and grandfather live in a basement. Your parents live on the second floor, and you live on the third floor. Boom. We hang out together.

The Futsko family, God bless them, from Freehold, New Jersey. They lost four people from a family reunion. They went to like a— Oh, yeah, I saw that. And I saw that one. I saw the one that the guy had the 39th—the 40th birthday party, and they all got on planes afterward and went off to different parts of the country. That family from New Jersey was not very old either.

No. The youngest one that died, I think, was 55. I think it's somewhere in that range. Do I have the mask on? Am I jumping up and down at routes buying groceries? No. Am I going to? I stopped.

I went to one boxing class after that thing was announced, and I was like, you know what? This is too personal. We've got to give it a chance. I've got a bag at the house. I've got kettle baggers at the house. Everything can be done out of my house. Yeah, if you're a

person and you want to work out, there's so many YouTube videos of just bodyweight workouts. You can get a fucking amazing workout with nothing. You don't need any equipment. You just do burpees and push-ups and bodyweight squats and lunges. There's plenty of working out to do, folks. And it's free. It's a beautiful thing about

YouTube. There's so many really good fitness instructors that just put their stuff out there for free because they want people to follow them. And, you know, you can get a ton of great body weight workouts. You don't need nothing. And if you need weights, folks, you can pick shit up around your house and you can do a great workout with. I'm sure you got a can of paint somewhere that probably weighs 15 pounds.

You know, people have things laying around. So you know what I started doing? What? Because it was fucking with me. Meditating. I had to go back to meditating. Well, you do. What kind of meditating are you doing?

So what I do is I hit the bag. I broke my workout. Because now you can't do that long workout now. Because what are you going to do for the other day, for the restoration day, the recovery day? Right. So there's no recovery in my world. Just easy workouts every day. 15 minutes. Yeah, nice.

Hitting the bag. Hitting the bag is very essential during these times. Hitting the bag is very essential. Get the ya-ya's out. Get the ya-ya's out. You're punching. You look at anything. Benefits over 40 for boxing. Benefits over 50. The number one benefit is stress. You know, for a couple

days there, dog, I was getting scared. I wasn't, I'm not scared of it, but I respect it. There's a big difference. I respect what's going on. Something's going on. I'm not a fucking scientist. Have you ever been here in an earthquake? Yes. For me, it's the same feeling,

but more magnified. It's like, okay, this is alright, but what is it like if it gets worse? Right. Are you scared of earthquakes? Oh, yeah. Where were you in July? I was on fucking stage.

We were home. I didn't even feel it. I didn't even feel it. I was on a stage in Huntington Beach, and the room shilled, and I just kept going. I just kept going. Fuck it. If a beam falls and hits me, this is it.

But you felt it while you were on stage? Did you talk about it? Yes. I couldn't let them get scared. Oh. I could not let them get scared because now you lose the audience. Right. I had 250 people in there.

I know. So I could not let them get scared. How far into your act were you? 22 minutes. It was brilliant. It was perfect. I was just thinking about the other day. That was one of my best times I had the last year doing stand-up.

Right in the middle. I'm on stage and I had to calm them doing stand-up. Right in the middle. I'm on stage, and I had to calm them down, so I just went into a rant so they didn't get scared. Yeah. Yeah, my last show I did was like a Tuesday or a Wednesday at the improv. I forget. Maybe a Wednesday.

Did one show, 8 p.m. show. Great. Fun time. But I was like, I think this is it. This is the last show for a long time. I didn't want somebody to say they went to the improv. Right. I didn't want somebody to say that they got sick.

You'll never shake that. The thing is, you'll never know. There's no way anybody could dial it into one person where you got it from. That's the weird thing is we're constantly interacting with people and touching surfaces and according to these cruise liners that they're testing where these people were sick, even people that are asymptomatic, it shows the virus stays on surfaces for as much as 17 days. That's a new discovery. They thought it was three days before that. Now they're

realizing even in asymptomatic people, people that don't get the spray these it's weird it's a fucking weird virus man it's real weird real weird um my friend dr peter attia was saying that most people 55 and under they seem to just get a cold i mean it's a they're fine they they feel like shit for a while, but they get over it. He said, but then there's this 28-year-old fitness instructor that one of his friends is treating, who's a doctor, and this guy's on a ventilator. He's a fitness instructor. And they're like, there could be genetic conditions, predispositions, and then also it might be vaping.

They're thinking that vaping might have something to do with damaging some people's lungs or cigarette smoking. Cigarette smoking is a bad one. And they think that that might have contributed to a lot of deaths in Italy and in China. They smoke over there, Jack. In China and in Italy, they smoke. They outsmoke us and they have less cancer in China. See, the thing is, are we sure they have less cancer? Yes.

When they say they have deaths, like how many deaths they have out of China, do you believe those numbers? I don't trust a fucking word of it. They're trying to say that this is an American disease. There's some propaganda network from China that's, I don't know, it's connected to the government or what, or maybe it's people just fucking around. Maybe it's people trying to be funny. But they're putting out that this is a man-made disease that was spread in China by the United States government.

So who the fuck are you trusting? I'm not trusting. I trust Italy when it comes to the numbers because I think they're being pretty honest about what a disaster it is. But China's trying to make it seem like everything's bouncing back now. I don't buy it.

They opened up the movie theaters. In China? Yeah. Whoa. You might just go to the fucking movies. Like one person went to one movie theater, yeah. Oh my God. Watch a horror movie while you're in this fucking theater just wondering if everything

you touch is eventually going to kill you? Fuck. Apparently, they were saying also that it has something to do with blood type, and they don't know why. But a lot of the fatalities were blood type A, seem to be vulnerable, or maybe it's just a coincidence. They don't have enough data yet. You know, especially here, like reliable data that we can trust here in America, they don't have enough yet. So when I think about it, what gets me is that same feeling like an earthquake. Like once an earthquake hits, you're like, oh, all right, well, we're okay right now.

But now we know that this can happen. Like the first one I ever experienced, I was the first year here, I had an apartment in North Hollywood and it was a thin place. Like you could hear the next-door neighbor. She would get phone calls. I would hear her answering machine go off because this was the 90s, and I would hear the person talking on her answering machine. I could hear every conversation she had like it was through a towel.

That's how thin it was. It was a shitty apartment. But when the earthquake hit, the apartment just went like this. And I remember thinking, this is like when you're a kid and you're playing in a refrigerator box. Remember those refrigerator boxes? We would get them on the street and we would all climb in them and fuck around. But they were flimsy. I'm like, this house felt like a refrigerator box.

It just started moving like this. And it wasn't even a big earthquake. It was like a five something, like a 5-5 or something like that. It wasn't a huge one. They say it was an aftershock from northridge he just started doing this it's moving back and forth and i was like whoa i didn't think it was going to be like that i thought the ground would shake i thought it'd be like you're like you feel your feet moving it's not everything just goes left and right everything just shifts like the the ground is made out of like it's sand or something like

instantly it just becomes pliable it's weird i saw the cat drinking water and all of a sudden i saw the cat in the air and the bowl in the air that's how much of a dip it made i heard it looked like you know you're on the computer and something and and I looked, and I saw the cat drinking water. And all of a sudden, I saw the cat in the air, and when he landed, he took off. And they're supposed to feel something before the earthquake. I think dogs do better than cats. Yeah. I think those indoor cats are done.

They're done. Once you bring them indoor, a mouse runs by them. They're like, I'm done. But I don't think so, because my cats are alive and kicking at midnight. No, they still have fun. They're like, I'm done. But I don't think so because my cats are alive and kicking at midnight. No, they still have fun. They're like Judas Priest. How many do you have now? Three.

You only have three? That's crazy. You were up to 11 at one point. Nine. You had nine? I think you had 11. You probably forgot. I had so many of them outside.

I was feeding. I had so many of them. Oh, that's right. You had a bunch of feral ones that lived in the yard, too. Mark Marin has that kind of set up, too. Or at least he used to at his old place. It is fucking crazy. I'm down to three. I'm down to

three girls. All the boys punched the ticket. My favorite one died three months ago. The little boy now. I'm down to girls. I don't know what I'm going to do with my next move. I'm waiting to see what the smoke clears. Maybe get a German shepherd. I don't know.

We should all get out of here. No shit. Legitimately. We should get out of here. No shit. This should be our wake-up call. We should all just pack up and go to Denver. This is a big wake-up call for a lot of people. This is going to be a big wake-up call. You know, there's a lot of places like Loveland, our outside of Denver. You know what I mean? Evergreen, 30 minutes lot of people. This is going to be a big wake up call. You know, there's a lot of places like Loveland, an hour outside

of Denver. You know what I mean? Evergreen, 30 minutes outside of Denver. You know what? What happened to Montana? What happened to Montana? You ever hear anything about Montana? No, but here's the thing. Denver's got comedy. Utah's got comedy. You know what? Why don't we just open up a club in Montana in Billings? We could do it.

Everybody's opening up a club in St. Louis. Everybody's opening up a club here. Can you imagine if we did? If we opened up a club? You go to war to war with everybody else. Comedy, school, and fucking Billings, Montana. If we just decided to do that. When was the last time you were in Montana?

Oh, six months ago or so. What did you think? I love it there. I love Bozeman. What are we waiting for? The winter's a motherfucker though, son. That winter's real. And there's grizzly bears in the woods. Look are we waiting for? The winter is a motherfucker, though, son. That winter is real. Look who we're living through now.

What does it make you realize that we can do anything? See, this makes you realize. Look, after every earthquake, there's a certain percentage of Californians that wake up and say, I'm not going through that again. They get up and leave. There's certain Californians that go like me that that go, oh shit, you gotta get a generator for my fat sleep apnea machine. And every time you go to the supermarket, buy two of something.

Buy two cans of creamed corn, buy two cans of this. You go in my fucking garage, I'm good. Yeah, you gotta have dried stuff. I'm good, I'm good. You know why? Because I'm a child of the 60s. When I was growing up, every building you moved into had a fallout shelter, you dumb fucks.

Oh, yeah, we forgot about those. Nobody remembers the fucking fallout shelter. And they had tang and fucking TV dinners down there. And every once in a while, your building would run a fucking thing. The Russians are coming. The Russians are coming. And you'd have to run to the basement and close the door. And they had, like, a vent.

And in grammar schools, you had to go down to the basement. And they'd give you, like, the fucking Tang juice and all that shit. I forgot about fallout shelters were an East Coast thing, right? Fuck yeah. Nobody remembers the fallout shelter. So I've always lived like it's the fallout shelter. I always had a back situation. I got weed till fucking Tundunze.

Your family came over here when? 66. 66. But they had been over here already dabbling. They had been over here since the 50s, fucking around, numbers, whatever the fuck my mom was doing, whatever the fuck my dad was doing.

So they were already hip. They made it official in 66. So when I was being raised here, my first couple of years in this country we were living under fear. Vietnam was going on. They had just killed Kennedy, and now they just killed, because I was alive and kicking when Sehan Sehan killed Robert Kennedy. So it was a different time then.

We were living in a little fear. Cubans had pointed missiles at us. Us and the Russians weren't that fucking cool. So that's why the fallout shelter was big, just in case they threw a bomb at us. We'd go downstairs to a basement and live and stuff like that. So I think

what fucked with me was the Yoel Romero fight. The night of the Yoel Romero fight, I was invited to a friend's house to watch the fight. And I pretty much had a nervous breakdown from the fear of leaving the house. Really? Because of the...

Because of the virus? Yeah. Really? Nervous breakdown. You didn't want to go to your friend's house? Best guy in the world. But you were like, I gotta stay home. Four people. You never know.

I asked him if they were cool. He goes, yeah. I go, nobody's been to China. Nobody's been. No, because that's the problem. See, I knew it was going to affect. Look, the skier that went skiing in New Rochelle, the Jewish guy that went to the synagogue, well, the two dudes he went skiing with, Iron and Encino, in critical condition, well, they were.

He went in a group. Then he went to the synagogue in New Rochelle and spread it all around. He should be the most popular guy in the neighborhood today. You know what I'm saying? That guy, like, nobody wants to talk to him tonight. So he brought it there from Italy. He went skiing in Italy. He couldn't go to fucking Riverton, Wyoming or fucking Utah or fucking Aspen. He had to go to Italy like a big shot.

Well, he probably planned a trip to Italy long before he had a shit. I don't give a fuck. Go to Aspen, you fuck. Go to Riverton, Wyoming. That's the best. Right, but he wanted to eat pasta in Italy and go skiing. I don't give a fuck. They got pasta in fucking Utah. But before this... That shit drives me fucking crazy. What drives you crazy?

That shit. That shit. Well, you just can't. You can't go to Ajax. You can't go to Ajax? Nobody wants to ski Ajax. You can't go to Ajax. You gotta go all the way to fucking Italy to go skiing cocksucker Well, maybe he wanted to go skiing as well as go to Italy. Leave me alone Shit bothers me as it is He took people down. He can't you don't have a passport. You can't leave. Let me tell you something going to Italy's awesome

I know it is I didn't say that but he had to go ski. He went to a ski trip in Italy. Right, but also in Italy. So you could eat pasta and see the sights. You could eat pasta in Aspen. Oh. And you could see the sights in Aspen. Okay. Do you see what I'm saying? If everybody goes to Aspen, we're fucked.

No. Aspen, you break it up. There was apparently a guy from Aspen that had it, too. You like it in Utah. You like skiing in Utah. I don't like skiing. Oh, no. You don't like skiing. Oh, no. You don't like skiing.

No, I only ski because my family likes it. But they enjoy Utah or Aspen? They like all those places. We've been to Aspen. Aspen's beautiful. I love it. Did you come back with the fucking, did you come back with the Hiv? No, but there was a guy.

Okay. There was a guy that went there from Australia who had it. Who apparently knew he had it. And he refused to self-quarantine. He went to restaurants. He rode the bus, he went skiing. Throw him under the fucking jail. Yeah. Throw him under...

See, that's the other thing about the store that shocked me that night. Tuesdays through Thursdays... Packed. Packed with people visiting. Yep, from other cities, from overseas. From other countries. Yeah.

So that started giving me the willies that night. When they canceled the store, I was happy. I'm just worried about the wait staff. You know what? Like, we've been rocking and rolling the last 10. They've been rocking and rolling the last 10. Well, they're putting together some sort of a fund. I hope they do it quickly.

And we're all going to be able to donate. And I think they want to have some stream shows, too. But I don't think that's the way to do it. I mean, if they do do it and they have a bunch of people almost like podcast style, maybe that would work and have like a telethon, raise money. Well, I'll tell you what. I thought about the stream thing. I like doing the stream thing.

But a podcast, not stand-up. I thought, but then I saw this week with John whatever on HBO. John Oliver? John Oliver, and last week he didn't whatever on HBO. John Oliver? John Oliver. And last week he didn't have an audience. Not good? No, boy, no. Well, when no one's laughing at your monologue.

Yeah, you need that energy. Yeah, they were doing live shows from the Laugh Factory yesterday. Was it yesterday? And it was no audience. And I was watching Jay Moore on stage for a couple minutes before I had a panic attack and I had to shut it off. No, it's just no good. It's just no good.

It really doesn't work. I wanted it to work. And I thought that I could do it for people just to break the monotony. It's like watching someone with no voice sing in the shower. Yeah, no, no, no. Leave me the fuck alone. It's just too strange. How bored are we? How bored do you want to go?

Like at 10 o'clock are you like, I'm fucking done? At night? Yeah. No. I'm not bored. My wife goes to bed. The baby goes to bed. We have her on a homeschool schedule.

They have an 11 o'clock, 10 o'clock video conference at 11 o'clock. Then we do math. We take a breather, and she hits the mitts, too. Everybody got to hit the mitts at the house. We got to get that stress out. You know what I'm saying? Good move. Good move.

And everybody's on a schedule. But at night, like, this is the first. I have not been out of the house in 21 nights. What is it, 25th? Today's the 25th, right? Yeah, 23 nights. So at 11 o'clock, I get a little bored. Thank God the edibles started not working.

Because you weren't too exposed to them? Yeah, I'd just been popping. Built up a tolerance? I'd been popping two, threes, you know. Yeah. I'd been eating them so much. Like the first week, the week before St. Paddy's, I was under so much personal stress.

Like I was so fearful of that plane ride to New York that I was getting fucking gazilled. I wasn't even getting stoned. Imagine if you took that flight. You would have probably caught it. I mean, the whole New York area is a real good chance you'd catch it there. I had a JetBlue by myself cabin. I had it all planned out, but the more I thought about it, I'm like, I don't know, guys. I don't want to be in a hotel.

I know how the food service industry works. But it was that very weekend that Yo got it. That very weekend that you went. That was the heat of it. That was the fucking heat of it. And it's still just climbing. Well, they said two weeks is going to reach its apex. But they have an astounding number of cases.

They do, however, test more than California, so they're more accurate in terms of their numbers. There's more testing being done in New York City, I think by threefold, than California. It's crazy, man. This is a whole new time, and I really hope it's a wake-up call for us it is a wake-up call this is dog listen as as jokey as this may sound or whatever i've always had a faith my faith got me to where i am a faith in what on a higher power let's call it a higher power i always had a faith in a higher power. And if anybody knows about karma, it's me. I'm the fucking poster boy for karma.

I know all about it. For me, this is like a higher power letting us know, like, it's a reset button. Take a look around. You guys have gotten caught up in selfies. Yeah. Like, we've gotten caught up in selfies. Yeah. Like, we've gotten caught up in selfies. You know, you go see a fucking concert, it's $250 and $60 to park.

You know, you go to a movie theater, you walk out, an American family can't go to a sporting event no more. The normal American family cannot go to a sporting event no more. We got a lot of control, Joe. We can't move in apartments no more. $1,500 for a studio. We just got greedy, man. The greed's been too much.

You know, I got to feel bad for Disney losing $6 million. Suck my dick. You were charging $140 a day, cocksucker. $140 a day. I think that's the least of our problems. No. I think the big problem is people think this is all, this life, the way we're living is going to be permanent. No, no, no.

It's changing for a reason. Yeah. It's changing for a reason. We were getting fucking greedy. Well, there's definitely that. And we were getting a little overzealous. But we're soft. We're soft.

That's the big one. And especially we're soft right here because we don't have to deal with weather. Right here, we don't have to deal with nothing. You go outside every day. You can sleep outside. It's a great place to be homeless. All you need is a sleeping bag. Get under an overpass. If it does rain, it only rains 10 days a year, you'll be fine. You know, this is a great place because of that. But because of that also, we're not humbled enough. You know, the places where people get humbled are the places where people have to deal with direct nature.

Snowy places, real cold places. Like if you go to any place that's near an ocean, that's a little slap in the face. Like, wake up, bitch. Take a look at that. You ain't shit. Mountains are another one. Same thing. Like you could die up there, stupid.

There's bears up there. There's mountain lions up there. They're fucking killing deer with their face. You don't think they'll fuck you up too? Go hike. Go hike and get lost, hippie. It's a wake-up call, those places. And I think this is a wake-up call for the whole country, the whole world. It's a wake-up call. We're vulnerable. And it's also a wake-up call. I mean, I can't say this to enough people. Take care of your health, please. It is the one defense for this that seems to be agreed upon by almost everyone, is that if you have a strong immune system, you have a better chance to get through any sickness. And you can do something to strengthen your immune system.

Your immune system is something you can work on. You know, you can work on it by cleaning up your diet. You can work on it with regular exercise. You can work on it with regular sleep. All those things have a real big impact on your immune system. Also, vitamins. Supplement with vitamins. Eat a healthy diet. Get some exercise. And if you can, get in a fucking sauna every day. Tremendous for your body producing heat shock proteins, for your body reducing inflammation, alleviating stress. It's great for your cardiovascular system.

It's just great for you. There's a bunch of different things you can do. You can use this as like, okay, I'm alive. Now this is a wake-up call. I'm so glad this didn't happen to me. I didn't get wrecked by this. I'm going to get my life in order. And it can be done.

It's something that everyone can do, and this is the time to do it. This is a good time to do it. If you're surviving and you're getting through this, this is a good time to get your health in line. What you don't know, a lot of people don't know about me, is I was a sickly kid. Really? Really bad. I never believed that. From the age of four to six because of my dad

dying and my mind going somewhere, my immune system fell apart. It was respiratory. I always got colds, shots you know vaccines I knew the people by first name at the hospital at Roosevelt Hospital in New York I mean it was real with me when I was six something and I also have asthma do you really which went untreated like I just said you have asthma still like my mother, it's for faggots. Don't worry about it.

You don't need it. You have asthma right now? I'll grow it. My daughter has it, though. Really? She has it. And now I see it in her and I go. Does she have an inhaler?

Yeah, she has a little inhaler. And you don't use an inhaler at all anymore? No. Did you ever? For like a week. Then my mother goes, get rid of that. You live in New York City. You don't want to get smacked, do you?

Wow, your mother's hard. So I grew up with this fucking thing. And then when I was 16, I got put in the hospital for 13 days for a lung infection from Barroquat. So ever since then, like, I'm not supposed to smoke. I'm never supposed to smoke. When I started smoking, I would get sick for days afterward. Like, I had a jumper hurdle to smoke pot. But when you were smoking cigarettes, what about that?

Let's not even talk about that. Let's talk about the hurdles I had smoking reefer early on. I would smoke reefer, and it would be an event. I would have to take three or four days off. It would crush me for that long. Really? Then once I built the tolerance to that, then I started having to build the tolerance of who I smoked dope with.

Like if I smoked dope with me, you, and Jamie, and somebody else, the next day I'd have a temperature. You'd get sick from someone. Yeah, 13, 14. So by the age of 15, I already knew how to keep my shit. Like if I smoked with you and Jamie every day, that's who I smoked with. Once somebody else comes into that circle, I would get sick. So I had to knock that out.

So I had to be very aware at a young age of who I smoked with. I got sick a lot when I was competing. I wasn't taking care of myself back then. I didn't even take vitamins. I didn't take shit. I got sick a lot because I was competing. I wasn't taking care of myself back then. I didn't even take vitamins. I didn't take shit. I got sick a lot because I was always stressed out too because I was always nervous because I was fighting all the time. So, you know, you get ready and the week's up to a tournament, you know, that's the most stressful. And then the week of the tournament, I'd always come down with something.

You know, and you wind up fighting sick. I fought sick in Anaheim. I flew out to California to fight in the Nationals. I fought sick. I had three fights sick. Did we figure out what the percentage? That was an estimation that was close to 60%. Of asymptomatic?

A week ago it said it was like 20% though. Well, I think as time goes on, they're getting a better picture of it. Take care of your immune system, kids. I've been drinking a shitload of water too. Oh my God. I'm peeing like crazy. Kombucha. CBD oil. Yep. CBD oil for sure. I took some pet CBD oil accidentally. I wasn't paying attention. I went to the cabinet to get them some CBD oil. I'm like, man, this is tasty. What is this? It's like peanut butter CBD oil. And I had three droppers full.

And then I looked on it and it said pet. I'm like, damn, hope I'm going to be okay. I don't know what the difference is between CBDMD's pet formula and their regular formula, but I had three full droppers of their peanut butter pet formula. It was quite delicious. It was pretty good. It was pretty good. You take a lot.

I take enough supplements, vitamins, KTPF. Yeah, I take a lot of things. You know, like I said, I've cut down the reefer a little bit throughout this. I was going, like, through a half ounce maybe a week, enjoying some bong hits. Now I'm down to, like, an eighth a week. I've some bong hits. Now I'm down to like an eighth a week. I've got fucking a couple ounces at the house. Go off edibles.

I'm enjoying the time. Just the relaxing time of no pressure of things to do. You know, no shows to go to. Stay home every night. Hang out with the girls. I'm enjoying it. I don't watch the news. Yeah.

That's what was fucking with me the first week until I had that little nervous breakdown on the 7th. That was really fucking with me. And then I said, that's it. I went back to my roots. I went back to Boulder. I took it back to the Ropa Institute, bitch. And I took it back to the meditation.

So what I would do is i'd hit the bag 15 and then to come down i'd stretch and just do yoga poses and breathe and then end with like a long meditation and get some vitamin d i do everything outside in the back of the house i got a little backyard hidden i think that uh hitting the bag is a kind of meditation. Yes. I really do. Yes. I think if you really can just concentrate on your breath.

I just focus on my breathing. Yes, yes, yes. That's what I do. I focus on my breathing. And I do three minutes, 30 seconds off. I do try to do five sets of that. Yeah. But then after that, the stretches really help me.

Oh, yeah. Now I have no cryotherapy. I got no acupuncture. None of those things. Is cryo closed? Cryo's closed. Oh, yeah. Now I have no cryotherapy. I got no acupuncture. None of those things. Is cryo closed? Cryo's closed. Yeah. I stayed away for the last two weeks.

I did a little Novotor, which is the red lights, until about 10 days ago. Yeah. And then this started getting a little serious. And I go, you know what? Let's start just cutting down on this whole thing. And then last weekend, I see what was going on at the parks and shit. There's a park close to my house. I said, let me

go over there and make a few calls. I'm like, this is crazy down here. Look at these people. Packed. They're on top of each other. Yeah. And if I'm running behind you, that makes no sense. They're all running the same way. You're running right into it. They're all running the same way. You're running right into it.

You're running right into it. And I got a GED. Joe, this is what kills me. I got a GED, and I'm sitting there watching these fucking morons run behind each other. You know, like, yeah, all of a sudden you're fucking Rocky, but you're sucking that guy's breath in. And the chick behind you is sucking her breath in. Oh, my in. And the chick behind you is sucking her breath in. Oh, my God. And the chick behind you.

And they all run in the same direction, 10 feet away from each other. Like a race. A race would be a great way to get sick. Oh, the cops tell them to get out of the park? The cops are pulling into the park going, listen, what are we doing here? But you can be by yourself, right? I saw some people hitting the pads at the park where someone was holding pads for somebody. You could do that. You got some space away from each other.

You can get a little workout in. But there's always going to be that dude that's going to come up to you. Yeah. There's always that dude. Hey, man, aren't you worried about the coronavirus? I have to take the racehorse out early. My daughter's a racehorse. So at 8.45, I give my

wife a break and I just take her for a little stroll. Just to wear her out a little bit. We play badminton. Whatever the fuck that is. The tennis with the fly. I throw a whiff of balls at her. I was telling the lead the other day. In the heat of all this, I'm there at

9.15 for a reason. They got the playground sealed off. And then they got a huge fucking park. And for some reason, everybody got to walk. I had to walk in between me and my daughter. Talked about it. Second person had to say something. Really?

Really? You can't walk around. You got to walk in between. People can't have enough. They test your fucking wits well they don't they don't change their behavior the best was the guy that watched me playing with my daughter and I could see him out of the corner of my eye and I could say him I could see him whispering to the wife some stupid shit and what does he do he walking towards me. And I'm not even paying

attention to him, but I am. I'm watching him through this fucking vision. I'm watching him. I'm playing with my daughter, throwing the woofer ball, and he's walking towards me. Finally had to stop, and he goes, hi, I just wanted to shake. I go, stop!

He just looked at me, and I felt terrible for him. But this is what's actually going on. They still want to shake your hand. Yeah, people try to shake your hand still. They still want to shake your hand. I'm like, it's not going to happen. Stop right there.

Yeah. I go, hit me on Twitter, and I'll hit you back. But that's it. I don't want to hug. I don't want to know nobody. Nothing you got to tell me I want to hear. Yeah. Unless you're showing in here with a fucking envelope, which I don't see you have.

Don't come close to me at all. People, they're not changing their behavior that much. No, they're not changing their behavior. There's a number of people, right? So some people are paying attention to everything. Some people are overcautious. I went to the fucking supermarket. This lady had goggles on, and she had, I mean, not goggles, but big Jackie Onassis dark sunglasses, a fucking face mask with these giant gloves on, and she's, I mean, not goggles, but big Jackie Onassis, dark sunglasses, a fucking

face mask with these giant gloves on. And she's walking away from everybody like everyone's a bomb and she's doing her grocery shop. I'm like, OK, well, you've gone too far. This is a little ridiculous. And then I'm looking at other people that are acting like there's nothing wrong and they try to shake your hand. And then there's people that are paying attention too much.

So they've become paranoid and they're not even living their life. And then there's other people that aren't paying attention at all. They're barely paying attention. I'm in the middle. They barely look at the news. I'm in the middle. I know I have to live my life. That means I don't have to go to 7-Eleven for nothing.

Yeah. 7-Eleven is filthy. I don't have to go in there for nothing. Okay? Nothing. I got rolling papers. I got everything in my house. Lighters.

I got lighters until the next millennium. I can light myself up ten times with the lighters I got rolling papers, I got everything in my house, lighters. I got lighters till the next millennium. I can light myself up ten times with the lighters I got. I'm not putting myself in a bad position. You've been quarantined. Jamie's been quarantined. Jamie, I didn't go to fun. There's somebody that said, tonight there'll be a concert. They'll go. Where?

No, if I tell you that tonight there's a concert, they'll go. If it was. If it was, they'll still do it. Liberty University is letting students back in today. Jesus is going to look out for them. Yeah. There was an article on CNN. They were showing Liberty University opening up its doors again to students. Like, this just started, you fucks.

You can't just, you know. Where do you think we are right now? Beginning. You really think we're in the beginning? Yes. You don't think we're good until mid-May? Listen, it keeps accelerating every day. If it's accelerating every day, that means it's at the beginning.

Every day there's more cases. Every day there's more people getting sick. Now, didn't he say yesterday, and don't quote me on this, he's talking about Easter. Yeah, because it's a very special day to him. See, he said it's a special day. This virus doesn't give a fuck what day you think Jesus came out of the ground. This virus doesn't give a fuck. And if you don't respect it, people are going to die.

And there's people like the lieutenant governor, I think is who he is of Texas, who is like, we should take a risk with older people just to get the economy back in line. People like, whoa, what are you saying? You think the economy you should we should get the economy back in line. And by doing the economy, some old people are going to have to die. You're ready to sacrifice people for money. Yeah. Older people would rather die than let COVID-19 harm U.S. economy, Texas official said. Older people would rather die. This is what he says.

Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick. Okay. Yeah. And, you know, he's saying that he's in that high risk category himself because he's 70. You know, as these politicians are terrified that this is going to lead to an economic disaster and their name is going to be stuck on it. You know, I think they were terrified at first that they had to act, they had to close things down, but they didn't have a plan. And now they realize like, oh, my God, this might have to stay locked down for a long time. What happens to the economy?

Yeah, you didn't have a plan. No one had a plan. So they locked everything down. And now they're like, listen, this could last a long time. We've got to start the rumblings now of getting this ball rolling again. Because if this goes six, seven months, and no one's working, no one can go outside their house for six, seven months, this is crazy. We won't have any money, and China's going to take over. Tucker Carlson had this whole piece he did that I saw that was actually pretty accurate, where he's talking about what could be possible.

He was talking about how the NBA, did you see that whole segment where the NBA, they had said something about China, and then you see all these people that were praising China and saying positive things about China. What was the reason behind that, Jamie? You're an NBA guy. The GM for the Houston Rockets tweeted support for Hong Kong. That's right. That's right.

It was support for Hong Kong. And then China got pissed at that. And so then they started tweeting nice things about China. And they started— Well, at the time that that happened, there was NBA teams in China doing games. And they'd just come back, and then they started asking all of them what they thought about this. And then LeBron started supporting China, I think, and then everyone jumped on them. Like money over people, I think.

China, I think, and then everyone jumped on them and like money over people, I think. Well, you mean that they face consequences for supporting Hong Kong. Yeah. Well, what Tucker Carlson was saying in this piece was that imagine if that's the whole country. Like understand that like if China is the ruler of the world, if China becomes the ruler of the world, not the United States because of something like this. Like this is all really possible. The idea that the United States is the ruler of the world, so it has to stay the ruler of the world forever. No, natural disasters, disease, fucking asteroid impact. There's a bunch of different things that could shift the balance of power in the world.

Rome used to run everything, right? of different things that could shift the balance of power in the world. Rome used to run everything, right? Europe, England, the UK. England used to run half the fucking planet. There's a lot of different countries that were on top of the world that are no longer on top of the world. And we would be in a real sticky situation if we had to live under the same military dictatorship that China does. And the idea that we would never have to live under that. We can't. We're America. Well, that's ridiculous because we're human beings and other human beings are stuck in a circumstance

where they're living under a military dictatorship. So there's no difference between them and us other than culture and the place where they live. That shifts. Things change. With natural disaster, with disease, with failure of the economy, with war, with all these different factors, things change. And our perception, much like our perception of our society itself, it's always going to be like this. And all of a sudden this disease comes along and shuts everything down. You're like, whoa, that's a fucking wake-up call.

You need to recognize that this is kind of fragile. Well, the whole system is fragile. If those things happen, natural disaster, disease, war, anything catastrophic happens, the balance of power completely shifts. And who knows whose control the survivors are under? Who knows? Who knows how this works out? This is all real touch and go right now. This is real touch and go. This is uncharted territory where we have slipped into a place where no one's working and everyone's scared. And the president wants to go back to work on Easter because it's a special day to him. And Joe Biden can't talk.

The guy who's running for fucking president for the Democrats can't talk. Did you see the latest shit? Tim Dillon sent me two videos. He's like, what the fuck is going on? Like, he's in a cognitive decline. Governor of New York, Cuomo, put him in. Put him in, coach. Put him in.

You want a guy to run for president that makes sense? You want a guy who's an intelligent guy, who's a strong leader, who's got a lot of experience. He's impressed the fuck out of me the last two weeks. He's impressed the fuck out of me, too. And when he's like, fuck opening up human lives, count more than money. He's impressed me. I'll tell you who else has impressed me. I don't know. See, you can't say nothing because you're always going to be wrong.

There's always a knock. Well, Joey, you're wrong because he's declined the Women's Abortion Act. There's always something. That's true. That's part—that's the argument they had about him. I don't even know what it is. I don't even know, and I tell you, there's always something. I don't even know what the issue is.

The issue is late-term abortions. He apparently voted for— I know there's always something. So—and I was just making a joke, but I know there's always something. But you were actually right. Tucker Carlson actually brought that up. The other guy that's doing a good job that I see, that he's communicating, is Governor Newsom. Yes.

He's doing a great job. I don't know what his politics are. I don't know if he's a Democratic or Republican. I just know he's stepping up and he's fighting for these people and he's making some smart choices. And you know what? I don't know. Are you a fucking scientist, Joe Rogan? Let me check.

Are you a scientist? No, me neither. Go fuck ourselves. Until that time, I don't know. Are you a fucking scientist, Joe Rogan? Let me check. Are you a scientist? No, me neither. Go fuck ourselves. Until that time, I don't know. I do know one scientist, and she's telling me to stay the fuck home and mind my business. I do know three, four people who work in emergency rooms that have told me it's not a fucking pretty place. No. My brother's a cop in a hospital.

And he says that it's a fucking nightmare that you have to sort them out A and B. B is if you have kidneyitis and A is if you have corona. They say it's a fucking nightmare. Right, because you gotta think the same amount of people are still getting injured and sick

from other stuff. So mercy's coming in, hope is coming in. They're not corona ships. They don't want no corona people down there. They just want fucking, you know, they're bringing in a ship with a thousand beds. There's fucking these goddamn cruise ships. You want to talk about a Petri dish? Stuck on a metal craft in the middle of the ocean,

breathing recirculated air with a bunch of people partying. Three or four or five days. And around you is the ocean, and if you fall in, you're dead because they don't scoop anybody out. When do they ever turn the ship around and scoop somebody out when they fall overboard? Did you ever go on those cruise ships? No!

No chance. For comics, it was always a death sentence. I made a mistake. No. When I was 21 with a chick, I went on a cruise ship, the one that used to go around Manhattan. So you leave at 6 o'clock and you're back at 6 in the morning. And they take you out far enough so you can gamble. Yeah.

Play blackjack. I did that one one time. Nice, but I knew I wasn't going to do it again. Got out of my system. I don't want to go on a fucking cruise ship. Yeah. Yeah, as a comic, you hate to say this as a comedian. Amongst us, it's a death.

It's a death sentence. Sentence. For me, they have additional work. Among us, it's a death sentence. For me, they have additional work. I do got to say, though, the fucking Impractical Jokers, those guys did a tour on a bus. I mean, on a boat. Apparently, everybody loved it. So it's like if you get your fans in there, a rare thing. Right.

Yeah. There's people that could pull that off. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Alonzo goes on jazz tours. He does jazz cruises. You know, Alonzo Bowden is a serious jazz fan. Loves jazz music.

Spoke to him yesterday. Good dude. I love him to death. Good dude. He's always been the best. And a Clippers fan. Before anybody even talked about the Clippers. And rides a motorcycle everywhere.

Yeah, that motherfucker. a badass bike, too. Yeah, he's got a bunch of bikes. Or he's had a bunch of bikes. The one BMW he's got is a badass bike. But he was a Clippers fan when they were over 92, though. He was down there by himself with Costello Alonso. Now he's living like a doctor. He's fucking yelling.

Soon as they got Kwame, I was happy just for Alonzo. That's how much I love Alonzo. I was happy just for Alonzo. Everybody loves Alonzo. Everybody. Nobody has a beef with Alonzo. Nobody. Why would you?

First of all, he'll break your hand. He's giant. His fucking hands are ginormous. And he's the sweetheart. He's the sweetheart. He doesn't even know he could break you in half. You would never know that he's 6'4", 250 pounds, solid muscle, whatever the fuck he is.

He's a tank of a man. But he's hilarious, too. He's a dude that's got great points. Here's one of his lines. He said, he goes, not every Trump supporter is racist, but every racist is a Trump supporter. There's not a whole lot of racists voting for Biden. I mean, maybe a few.

They can't let that guy run for president. They have to put a stop to that. He's done. You have to see these recent videos. I'm sending it to you. Have you seen it, Jamie? And then you fucking killed Bernie Sanders. You basically killed Bernie Sanders. They killed him.

I'm reading something the other night. He used me. That Porter, you put the kiss of death on him, cocksucker. He was doing just fine. Oh, my God, Julia, the Puerto Rican chick that won't shut up. Ocasio. Oh, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. Yeah, she won't shut the fuck up.

She's a Puerto Rican chick. She won't shut the fuck up. Sheortez. Yeah, she won't shut the fuck up. She's a Puerto Rican chick. She won't shut the fuck up. She's 28 years old. She won't shut the fuck up. Rags to riches congresswoman. And she's like, fucking I won't talk to him because of Joe Rogan backed him. Well, it's not that I backed him. It's that they used a video of me to support their campaign to say that I endorsed them.

And then they took a bunch of my bits and they took a bunch of things we said on the podcast, high as fuck, out of context, and made it look like I was some right-wing monster. Make them like I'm some sort of homophobe. And then they used the transphobe thing from the lady that used to be a man. If you don't know the story, used to be a man yeah if you don't know the story used to be a man for 30 years became a woman for two and then started beating the fuck out of women without telling them that her whole life she had been a man up until recently she just thought it was a medical condition that she didn't have to reveal and i got mad it's domestic violence yeah it's

crazy it's it should be criminal to not tell somebody. I mean, the idea that you're the same thing as a biological woman is just not fact. It's not scientific fact. And, yeah, I said a bunch of horrible shit about her. Not even horrible shit. I just said mean things, that she's a man, like you're a man. You can't just go fighting. You said the truth, though.

Yes, that's what I did. I said the truth. When you say the truth, you're not going to have a lot of friends. But here's the thing. I'm a guy that I support bull riding, okay? I support if you're a woman and you want to fight a man, I support it. But you got to let that person know that you're a man. If you used to be a man, you got to let them know. If a woman wants to fight a biological man right now,

a guy with his balls, and she wants to do it, and he wants to do it, and they sign off on it, you could skydive. Why can't you do that? They're both the same weight. Go ahead. I don't think you should. If you're my friend, if you're a woman and you're my friend, I'd be like, there's too many physical advantages. It's too dangerous. All they have to do is hit you once. They said, they don't have to be as skillful as you. If they clip you, you're fucked. And that's the truth. That's what happens. I mean, it's a giant advantage. It doesn't mean the woman can't win because Jermaine Durandamy actually had a kickboxing fight with a man and knocked him the fuck out.

That lady's a beast. The Iron Lady from Holland, she's a beast. But she's a former UFC featherweight fucking champion of the world. I mean, she's an animal, that lady. And had a real close fight with Amanda Nunes recently for the bantamweight title. She's one of the best fighters on earth. And she beat a man and knocked him out. But you shouldn't fight a man if you don't know it's a man.

That's rude. And if you didn't know that someone used to be a man, that's rude too. So they tried to pretend that I'm this transphobic crusader. I love all people. I literally love all people. I don't care what you are, whether you're gay or straight or Asian or black or white, or I don't care. I don't care. I just, if you're nice, I'm nice to you. That's I'm a hundred percent open to everybody, but I'm not going to bullshit. You can't fight women if you used to be a man and not tell them. It's so ridiculous that that's even a debatable subject.

Like I had a bit about it where I said, never do what I think as a society we could get to a point where someone would say, hey, man, I don't think it's cool if you get your dick removed and then beat the fuck out of chicks. And people would be like, you're out of line. But that's where it got. That's where it got. We got so overly progressive in the fight to do the right thing. We got to write that script about a guy who falls in love with a girl. And it turns out that she's a man? Yeah, like right before the wedding, she tells him,

you know, my name was Hugo. What would he do if she's a man? Yeah, like right before the wedding, she tells him, you know, my name was Hugo. What would he do if she's really hot? You're still into her. Do you really care? Good question. Yeah, no, that's what. Some people don't care. Some people are like, I don't give a fuck.

I'm ride or die with you, Hugo. When you're alone with her in public. Yeah, man. It's in the fight to do the right thing, and that's what's going on with progressives when they get overly progressive. They think they're fighting to do the right thing, but you have to be able to call out shit that's wrong on your side, and this is one of the problems that the Democratic Party's having right now

with this Joe Biden guy. You guys got to be able to call it out. You can't let this slide because everybody else sees it. And Trump is going to eat him alive. He's going to eat that guy alive. The guy can barely remember what he's talking about while he's talking. Do you know which one it was? Because there's a few videos.

There's a few of them. Play any of them. They're all crazy. Every video of him recently talking, he's stumbling through shit. He forgets what he's talking about. We should be making those masks. We should be moving on those ventilators. We can do that.

Why doesn't he just act like a president? That's a stupid way to say it. You know, Donald Trump was asked on... Sorry. Yeah, he's done. No, no, probably best I don't. He's like Junior Soprano before he shot Trump. Look at him.

It's not, that's not even the worst example. That's just an example. The one down there when he's talking to that lady, I think that one was a struggle too. That was a struggle fest. ...period for keeping businesses shut and people at home. Are you at all concerned, as Trump said, that we cannot let the cure be worse than the problem itself? We have to take care of the cure. That will make the problem worse no matter what.

No matter what. We know what has to be done. We know you have to... ...reassess the recommended period. Yeah, see, he doesn't know what he's talking done. We know you have to reassess the recommended period. Yeah. See, he doesn't know what he's talking about when he's talking. And this is not like this. I'm looking at this like a medical condition.

OK, I'm looking at this like, OK, when I'm calling a fight and I see a guy limping and I'm like, I think he hurt his knee. Like Tiago Santos against John Jones. I think he hurt his knee there. I think there's something going on with his knee. Like, that's what I'm looking at this. I'm looking at this like this is a medical issue. That's not a normal way to communicate, unless he's high as fuck.

Because if I was high, I'd be like, I don't know what I just said to this lady. You could be in the middle of one of those interviews, blasted on edibles going, what are we even talking about? I don't think that's what it is. He's fucking tired. He's old.

He's very old. And I think he can't. He doesn't look good either. And they got makeup on him. His skin is all pulled tight like a lizard. He looks like he's got the formaldehyde in him already. He looks like he's got the formaldehyde in him already. He's gonna just press a button.

Governor Cuomo. That's the answer. I love his behavior. I love his attitude so far. And he's been honest. And I'm telling you, unless you're a fucking idiot, just go to any street corner in New York, look at fucking footage from July. It's too many people. It's too many people.

It's too many people stacked on top of each other. I couldn't even think about getting on a ferry and going to eat at Rudy's. I couldn't even think about getting on a ferry and going to eat at Rudy's. Like I was staying somewhere on Park Avenue and I'm like, so I got to get into an Uber, which are fucking filthy in New York. Okay, when you walk into an Uber, people are sitting in cars with the windows shut,

breathing whatever he's breathing. I open up the car and the guy's like, you going to get in? Yeah, give it a minute. And then I would take my handy wipe out and lower the window and close the fucking door before I got in. When I get on the ferry, I stand outside. I don't sit in there.

I breathe that Hudson River air. That's good for you. That's as good as it's gonna get. Disinfectant. All those bodies and shit floating in there. That fucking malucca dust in there and pollution, whatever the fuck is in there. But I knew. Look, within weeks, Teaneck, right? Teaneck

was the one that got contaminated. Did they? Fort Lee got it. You know, that's all my fucking neighbor, though. I don't think nobody Oh, Hoboken was really bad. Hoboken not bad? Hoboken, the cops had to go in there and fucking, like, Hoboken was like a party. Like, Hoboken didn't give a fuckoken the cops had to go in there and fucking like Hoboken was like a party.

Like Hoboken didn't give a fuck. Like they were fucking just having orgies in Hoboken. Gino told me you got to stay in. Really? So they finally had to go down and they closed Hoboken. Like you weren't allowed to go into Hoboken. Only people who lived in Hoboken could party in Hoboken. Then they just had to fucking shut it down.

Somebody had a meme on their page. It might have been Donnell. I forget who it was. No, it might have been Snoop. I don't remember who it was. But anyway, they had a meme on their page that said, you're telling people you're going to put them in jail if they go out after 8 p.m., but you're letting people out of jail early because they got the coronavirus.

And there's someone going, hmm, like what? Like what the fuck? What are you saying? Are you going to lock people up, but you're letting people out? First off, if you looked at this whole thing, there's been some weird people who got tests. They got tests? Like they got tested.

Like there's been some weird people. I do. Like, even Isbid Abbas, whatever his fucking name is. The black dude. Isbid Abbas, whatever his fucking name is. Idris Elba. Yeah, the black dude that got shot. Well, he lives in England, and he got tested because he was in contact with other people that had it.

You know, why the fuck did Harvey get a test? Because he's in Rikers, and Rikers has a massive outbreak. No Harvey get a test? Because he's in Rikers and Rikers has a massive outbreak. No shit. Yes. Yeah, he's in Rikers. He's in maximum security. Well, he's in Buffalo now. Oh, do they move him to that because of the corona? He's in a hospital up in Buffalo. He's fucked. Outside of Buffalo. He's fucked.

He probably has no will to live. You know? I mean, he probably doesn't have a will to get through this. I mean, I don't know what kind of medical treatment they're gonna give him but this could do him in easily It's running rampant. He's so sick already. You look at the guy. He can barely walk his health is Deteriorating all that the stress in this trial killed him crushed him took 20 years off his life instantly This is just a death sentence what I was just saying we were talking about this yesterday Imagine if you came up to

him four years ago and said, I want to show you your future. Dying in a bed in prison for things you've already done. Right now. You're walking around toast of the town, getting in limos, climbing out. People are waving to you and cheering. You're getting interviewed on the carpet.

Everyone shouts you out. I just want to thank Harvey Weinstein for his amazing, amazing company and the movies you put together that allowed me to shine. Yeah. How many people? Have you seen all the people

that praised him? And then four years later, imagine that. The things he's already done. He'd already done them at that point. And they knew while they were praising him. I wonder what they knew.

They knew. They knew he was a scumbag. They knew something. They knew. Yeah. They knew. They all knew, dog. You got to assume

they all knew. So what the fuck? Yeah. They went back. They knocked on doors. Wait a second. So I rape you, you're going to go to that party?

What do you mean? So I raped you at a party. Now the next year there's going to be another Cannes festival and you're going to show up again. A lot of them did because they wanted to work. See, the thing about Harvey is apparently, this is Whitney Cummings' take on it.

She said he would actually give them the things he would tell them he would give them. So he'd say, hey, you suck my dick, I'm going to make you a star. And he would actually do it. He would actually put them in these movies. He would give them so they were happy. So they would get all this treatment and then they had to spend some alone time with them every now and then. So they would send him emails, lovey-dovey emails,

but really they hated him. And that's when all this came out. He didn't even see it coming because he thought that they loved him. He thought that they would send him these emails. So he sent the emails to the press like, look, look at all these emails. These girls love me. Even though he had done scumbag

shit to them. It's just he had it set up where this was how you got by. This is how you made movies. This is how you want to be famous. This is how you get famous. I can help you get famous. You got to help me get rid of some cum. Who do you think sucked this dick?

Everyone. I think everyone did. All the guys, too. Really? Every guy. Come on. You think Brad Pitt was sniffing his nutsack? No, I think Brad Pitt threatened him because he made Gwyneth Paltrow feel real uncomfortable, apparently. Oh, I don't know, man.

One of the people said the producer did not have symptoms and was under close observation. It was not clear why he had been tested. I'm telling you, there's a lot of shit that don't sound right to me. They don't give a... Listen, Invics are the last people they care about. Yeah. All right? The only problem you have with those things is that you could really sue the state.

I got locked up when HIV was starting to get popular, 87, 88. So as soon as I got to my destination, they had already built an HIV unit that was a fucking state-of-the-art facility. Everybody else lived like a fucking Momo. The HIV guys lived like kings. Microwave ovens, TVs, colored. Yeah. They let them get microwaves? Oh, they had everything in there.

How come? Their own refrigerator. Because they didn't want their food. They didn't really know the extent of the HIV. So they had their own thing. They had an own cook that came in and cooked for the six guys in that unit. So you never, I don't understand. That must have contributed so much to homophobia.

But, okay, so when you. Not in jail, I mean in the world, you know, during the AIDS crisis. What do you mean? Homophobia in the world during the AIDS crisis when AIDS was out, when it was a big deal. I mean, I was almost too young to remember it because I was like 21 when it was happening. I was still a kid. But I mean, the people that were already inclined towards hating gay people,

and then there's a disease that everyone's terrified of that you get through sex that could kill you, and it affects gay people disproportionately. 83, 82, those were tough years you know they even made a phenomenal movie about it called um and the band played on with richard gear and a bunch of great actors they richard gear played the guy that uh the the uh the guy that's a choreographer that did a bunch of plays. I can't remember his name. Oh yeah. But he played him in a in like a weird manner

and everybody in that movie was a movie star. It was a phenomenal movie about HIV. HIV really started with a stewardess a male stewardess that would take flights from France or Italy or England one of those. don't quote me,

but let's just go with France, to New York. And when he would come to New York, he would fuck somebody from the plane, then go to Studio 54 and get his dick sucked, and then go right back to England. And he kept doing that. It was all sex with the same stewardess. Really?

If you watch that and the band played on. People forget about that. I was going to put that out in this week. I never saw it. For one of my weekly movies. Excuse me, Jamie, if you could see if there's a trailer for it or something. And the band played on. We can't play the trailer?

No, no, no, but they'll tell you who's in it. Oh. And you're going to go, damn, how the fuck did they even see that? Everybody's in it. It was such a... Just go to the movie. Don't go for a YouTube. Don't go to a trailer.

Just go to the movie on IMDb. Look at Richard Gere, how good looking he was. He was still flinging dick. He was a beautiful man. And these guys were all gay. And he's going to interview gay dudes that got it. And they're telling him, man, it started with a spot on my hand. And this is a phenomenal, phenomenal movie if you've never seen it.

So there's the starring. There's the cast. Matthew Modine from Vision Quest. Alan Alda. Matthew Maldine. Natalie Bay. Christian. I mean, fucking.

Phil Collins. Alex Courtney. David Dukes, Richard Gere. There's somebody else in this movie. That was back in the day when rock stars. Angelica Houston was great. Glenn Healy was great in this. See, they're all doctors. Yes, Richard Gere was a choreographer.

It doesn't say which choreographer. It doesn't say. But it's supposed to be somebody who was very big at that time. See who it's supposed to be based on, Jamie. He's on the movie posters and shit. The actual choreographer? The real one that it's based on? Richard Gere is.

Right, but find out who it was supposed to be based on. Phil Collins was in that movie. It's interesting. Rock stars used to do movies back then. Remember, Gene Simmons did a few movies. He was phenomenal. Gene Simmons did a movie called with the dude from, oh my God. The guy with the bomb in his mouth?

Oh. Rutger Hauer. Rutger Hauer. That's right. Wanted, dead or alive, cocksucker. Gene Simmons did that one. He was a bad guy. Where Gene Simmons was brilliant was on Miami Vice

when he played the coke dealer on the fucking boat in the pilot for the second season. He was phenomenal. He played an Arab. He always played an Arab. They made him take a suntan. They told him, Gene, go be an Arab. And he would fucking get a suntan. And Wanted, Dead or Alive, he was an Arab. They made him take a suntan. They told him, Gene, go be an Arab. And he would fucking get a suntan.

And wanted dead or alive. He was an Arab terrorist. And in Miami Vice, he was like an international Arab arms dealer. And he hooks up Crockett and Tubbs. He did a ton of work. And Phil Collins did a good Miami Vice, too, with Kira Sedgwick, who is, what's his name's wife now? He did a tremendous episode. Kevin Bacon, right?

Yeah, she's married to Kevin Bacon. There's a lot of great movies from that era. I've been putting them out, G. That's it. It started like March 4th for me by mistake. At about 11 o'clock, I caught on because my wife changed something at the house, so they threw a different epic on us, some package, and at 11 o'clock, Death Wish would start.

And I watched it from the beginning, and now I know why rape and all that shit is disturbing to me. It's that movie. Oh, right. I remember that. The rape scene in that movie is a little kid fucked my shit up. Wasn't Jeff Goldblum one of the rapers? Yes, one of the one, one of the two.

That rape scene in that movie fucked me up, so I started watching my mom a lot more. I'm like, that's what rape is? That's fucking nasty. Those movies got campy. Like, the Death Wish movies started out, the real first one was really kind of disturbing and scary. Very disturbing. And you were with Bronson.

You were like, go get him. Oh, no, no. You were with Bronson. You were like, go get him. Oh, no, no. You were with Bronson. Yeah. And at that time, New York had had the vigilante, the Jewish guy, Berkowitz, the one that got on the train and shot the two black teens. Yeah, yeah. Because he felt intimidated by them.

Right. He shot one in the back. Right. New York was kind of in a fucking little bit of an uproar. I don't know if Death Wish was first or that movie was first, but Death Wish is fucking, the rape scene is so fucking disturbing you want to cry. And as a kid, I remember thinking about my mother at the bar, like, this could happen to my mother?

Oh, this could never fucking happen. Yes, it is Jeff Goldblum. You're absolutely right. Yeah, he was real scary in it, too. He was real creepy. Yeah, this is horrible shit, man. This has happened to people before. That's real.

Charles Bronson was a bad motherfucker in that movie, too. You believed it. He had those shark eyes. Dog, he went to Arizona to try to relax after his wife died or his wife was a vegetable, and that dude gave him a gun, took him to Arizona to try to relax after his wife died or his wife was a vegetable. And that dude gave him a gun, took him to the gun range. And that's when it was all fucking over. He just went out at night looking for motherfuckers to shoot.

Look at him. I got a good movie that people forgot about. Which one? Southern Comfort. How good is it? It's a real good movie. You remember that movie? No. A bunch of guys are doing. How good is it? It's a real good movie. You remember that movie? No.

A bunch of guys are doing, they're in the swamp. I think it was Louisiana. And they're like National Guard guys. They think they're being cute. And they run into these backwoods swamp people that live back there. And they wind up getting those Creole, those French dudes that speak French. Is this it? Oh, yeah, man.

So they run into these communities of people that live deep, I guess like Cajun people. Am I saying that right? Is that wrong? Is that what it is? Yeah. And they get fucked up. And they get sucked into these guys' world. They think they're being cute.

And they shoot at someone or something. I forget how it happens. But they wind up getting fucked up by these guys. And it's scary. I haven't seen it in a long time. I enjoyed the shit out of it when it came out, though. 81. Freshman in high school.

It's a good fucking movie. You know, I remember this movie. It's a good fucking movie. You know, I remember this movie. Yeah. I remember this movie. You know who's in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Booth. What's his name again?

Booth. What's his first name? I forget. He also played- T.K. Kirkland's in that movie? He could be. The stand-up? Yes, he could be.

He was in a lot of movies, man. Yes, he was. He was in John Carpenter's The Thing. Yeah. Remember that? T.K. Kirk He was in a lot of movies, man. Yes, he was. He was in John Carpenter's The Thing. Yeah. Remember that? T.K. Kirkland was in a lot of fucking movies. See the, um, what's the cast, Jamie? Travis Booth? Is that his name? No.

Is that right? I am... Yeah, it's, uh... He played the dude in Jonestown. Oh, yes, that's right That's right, he did Powers Booth Powers Booth, that's right

Keith Carradine, that's right Who else is in there? Can you show me the Is it, is TK TK Carter, not Kirkland TK Carter Sorry, TK Kirkland I fucked up

I blame the weed TK Carter used not Kirkland. TK Carter. Sorry, TK Kirkland. I fucked up. I blame the weed. TK Carter used to be around the store. TK Carter was always at the store all the time. He used to be around the store. Great guy. Yeah, he was a great guy. Damn, I haven't seen him in forever. Right?

He was always doing movies while he was doing stand-up, and then wind up just doing these big-ass movies When he was in the thing I remember good. What year was the thing? 82 so he was in the thing when I was in high school Crazy so by the time I came out here and saw him like six years later Yeah, it was crazy when I saw him at the store. I could know more than that 82 so 10 12 years later six years later. Yeah, it was crazy. When I saw him at the store, I couldn't believe it was him. No, more than that, 82. So 10, 12 years later. 12 years later, I was out here.

So it was 12 years after that. Southern Comfort. It's a good movie. But one of my all-time favorite movies, all-time favorite that nobody talks about, is a movie called 29th Street. What's that? It's a movie about a guy named Joe Pesce

and that you know who he is. He's the guy in real life, in real life, Joe Pesce was the dude in Beverly Hills Cop. He was like the token Italian for a long time. Oh, that guy. No. That's Lampaglia.

That's Joe Pesce. This movie is a fucking phenomenal movie. Oh, my God. This is Danny Aiello's best fucking movie. If you got daddy issues, you do not watch this movie. So Joe Pesce in real life, the brother, sold this movie as a script. He's great friends with Sylvester Stallone.

Stallone puts him in all his movies now. He's always old in all of Sylvester Stallone's movies. But this guy's name is, in fact, that black dude. So when I came to the store, this was one of my favorite movies of all time. It's a movie about a guy who hits a lottery ticket in New York City. He wins the New York State lottery ticket, the first lottery ticket of all time. It's a true story. That actor in real life won that guy on the left.

Right there. He's the one that's, hey, Vinny, today's your lucky day. My name is Carmine Fucko. He's also, where do you think I stole that line from? Where do you think you're dealing with? Joey Bananas? That's from Beverly Hills Cop. He's the one that's selling Eddie Murphy this shit.

And in the beginning of Beverly Hills Cop, he's the guy that has the truck that Eddie Murphy's going to rob. He's had guy that has the truck that Eddie Murphy's going to rob. He's had great scenes. He had that one with Beverly. And then he was in Midnight Run when they made De Niro go look for the guy. The guy that they made go look for De Niro is sitting with an Italian guy that's handcuffed. Who's in Midnight Run again? Midnight Run is De Niro and the guy with the bad hair piece. Fucking great movie.

Dennis Farina. Just an Academy Award. One of De Niro's best movies because he had to do comedy. That guy. Charles Grodin. Oh, this is a classic movie. Dennis Farina is the best gangster in the world. Oh, that's right.

And De Niro's a bounty hunter. Oh, he's a bounty hunter. You have to go capture him. Niro's a bounty hunter. Oh, he's a bounty hunter. You have to go capture him. But there's a dude in this. There's a dude that they hire. They look for De Niro. Whatever happened to that Charles Grodin guy?

He's still looking for O.J.'s killer. I mean, he's still looking for him to kill Nicole. That's who he's looking for. He's still mad at O.J. They finally threw him off TV. The wig company wouldn't sponsor him no more. Well, didn't he have a late night show? He had something. He had something.

They did the bomb word movies. But back to 20 fucking 9th Street. When I first moved to L.A., the black dude from 29th Street came into the store one night. And I thought I was going to suck his dick. Who is it? He's a drill sergeant in that movie. He played Anthony, because Frank Pesce wasn't, in real life, when he sold the script,

it was a beautiful script, but somewhere along the line, somebody had to sit him down and go, look bro, we love your story. We're gonna shoot it. You're not gonna to play you. Imagine that. So they had Anthony Lompaglia, who was already a star in his own way.

He's Australian, Anthony Lompaglia. Is he really? Yeah, he's Australian. That's amazing. Yeah, he's Australian. They're so good at doing our accent. Yeah, he's tremendous. And they do a great New York accent.

So they let him be the lead. Danny Aiello played the father. He played the brother. They still let him be in the movie. He had a great role. He had a great role. The Italian woman that's in every movie played the mom. I don't even know what the point of the fucking story is.

It's just a great movie. What the fuck was the point of all this shit? I'm getting like Joe Biden. Midnight Run, 29th Street. 29th Street's a great movie. What the fuck was the point of all this shit? I'm getting like Joe Biden. Midnight Run, 29th Street. 29th Street's a great movie. Midnight Run, Charles Brodin. Oh, so I would see all these guys at the store. Guess who else is in 29th Street?

Who? Vinnie Curdo. No shit. Yeah, he's in the scene with Paulie Walnuts in The Soprano. And one time he's got to come in and go. Have we ever told the Vinnie Curdo story? I don't know. Vinnie Curdo was that close to having his life movie made with Robert De Niro and Mark Wahlberg.

We talked about that. Did we talk about that? And he also was going to fight fucking your boy at one time. Who? He was scheduled to fight your boy. Who's my boy? The guy from Boston. The black dude with the shaved head from Boston. Marvin Hagler? Yeah was scheduled to fight your boy. Who's my boy? The guy from Boston. The black dude with the shaved head from Boston.

Marvin Hagler? Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, Vinnie Curdo was a fucking animal when he was fighting. He was an animal. Then I saw Vinnie Curdo's in it. Vinnie Curdo shows up at the store.

And then there's somebody else who's in it. Look at him hanging out with Sam Kinison. I met Vinnie right when, well, before, but right when all that shit was going down, I went to his apartment. And he was showing me the script and telling me what was happening. That's a Marky Wahlberg. That's who he was going to hire. That's who was going to play him. And then the funding fell apart.

Like, last minute, the funding fell apart and the movie deteriorated. But it was a good movie. He had De Niro. And it's based on his life. On his life. And it's a fucked up story. deteriorated but it was a good movie he had based on his life his life and it's a fucked up story you know and he was he was willing to to say who he is and you know how he became who he is he was a tough motherfucker though that guy was a

tough fighter very tough I read his other script and it's better than that his script was good it was a very. Bro, the other one he wrote about when he had to go hide out in Canada so he couldn't go to any training gyms. Really? Because everybody knew where he was looking, that they were all looking in boxing gyms. Wow. So instead of hitting the bag, he decided to run up a hill in Canada.

It was very hard to run up this hill. So every day he would run up the hill. And finally there was a kid in the block, and he had some type of muscular dystrophy, and the kid always sounded like to walk up that hill. So Vinny said, listen, before you die, we're going to walk up that hill one time. And they walked up the hill on the way back.

The kid died. And he wrote it into a fucking screenplay. Wow. Vinny's got some stories. He's got. Wow. Vinny's got some stories. He's got some stories. Vinny's got... And he forgets them. He forgets them. I mean, how many fights did he have? You know, the other night... He had a lot of

festivals. I gotta tell you, it was another Academy Award winner that I forgot about that I'm gonna be honest with everybody right here, I refused to watch it. When it came out for years, I refused to watch it. What? And after I did, I'm happy I did. Harlem Nights is so fucking good.

Harlem Nights is such a fucking black experience that it is a masterpiece. I've been watching a lot of shit lately. I haven't seen that in forever. What year was that? I remember seeing it when it came out. That movie is so fucking good. Richard Pry seen that in forever. What year was that? I remember seeing it when it came out. That movie is so

fucking... Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. Oh my god. And fucking the other fucking guy too. Red Fox. Oh my god. This is such a good movie. Look at that picture. I refuse to go see this movie. I'm like, this is just

black exploitation. It is so fucking brilliant, this movie. Have you seen Dolomite? Yes. I haven't seen it, the new Dolomite. I heard it's amazing. I think it's amazing. I heard it's amazing. I think it's amazing. I think he did a great job. And just, he says one line in that movie, I'll tell you,

that I love. I fell in love. Tears coming out of my eyes. He's an open mic man. And he's fucking dying to make it. And you know how we are. And one of us comes up to you like, Joe, I got an idea. You know, like he's like,

I got an idea, man. I think I'm gonna do this. And the other comedian's like, man, you's a bum. And you know like when you're at that, when you're an open mic and you really can't. And he was walking away and he said to somebody, and he said something to somebody.

He goes, it's going to be all right. And Eddie Murphy goes, nah, man. There's nothing worse than having something to sell and nobody to sell it to. And it made me feel like an open mic. Because that's what you feel like when you're an open mic. Yeah, you got something to sell. But nobody to sell it to. Do you remember that feeling when you'd watch someone on stage and the crowd was packed

and you just wished you could get up there? Like, God, I wish I could get up there right now. And that's what I'm trying to do right now. I'm trying to reform love with stand-up. During the break? Yeah. I even wrote the story out of how I was lost and my ex-wife fucking forced my hand and drove me to the Comedy Works in Denver. And now I got off stage and I was like, this is it.

And I'm like, but the only obstacle I have is a wife and a kid. How am I gonna do comedy with a wife and a kid? And we just bought a condo. How old were you? 28. It stole my soul like it just like i didn't want to go to work no more nothing else mattered the only thing i loved as much as doing comedy was cocaine like i didn't like nothing else i just like cocaine and stand-up comedy and i couldn't figure out how to

do them and make a living and pay for a family. Then she came home after three months and said she didn't want to be married no more. And part of me was 80% relieved, and the other 20, I wanted to be a father and the whole thing. But it's the truth. I fell in love with it. It fucking just stole my soul. I threw everything I had. I watched every tape. I studied Carlin. I studied the shit out of Pryor. I studied the fuck out of Dice. I studied the fuck out of Bill Hicks. You know, I loved Bill Hicks.

You know, I watched. Today, before I came up here, I was in a rabbit hole because I took my daughter for a walk, and I sat down for a minute to get them a drink, to send some e-mails. And Rodney Dangerfield was on The Tonight Show the week before Easy Money. And he said that, he said a joke on The Tonight Show,

and I was laughing. I thought it was funny. He says he drinks so much that he pissed on Olive. And I was like, that was on. And the other night, that was on the other night. Caddyshack. Oh, man. From the beginning was on. other night. Caddyshack. Oh, man. From the beginning was on.

I watched that for a little while. Oh, that's a great movie. So this vacation, whatever the fuck is going on, it hasn't been rough on me at all. The first week was rough on me before St. Paddy's Day. When I thought I had to fly to New York was rough on me. I already had a plan already in mind. I'm coming back from New York, and I'm just staying at home. I'm hiding like a motherfucker.

That was my plan. For how long, I do not know, Joe. If he says the 18th, I'm not still going out 420. I have a 420 show. Yeah, I have a 420 show in Vancouver. But it's on the 18th of 420. 420, Monday night in Vancouver. You were going to go on a Monday?

Yeah. That's not happening. I don't see how it can happen unless they come up with some sort of cure in 10 days. I mean, it's the 25th. Unless somewhere around the first week of April they have a cure. That's not going to happen. I mean, there's some hope to some treatments that they're coming up with. There's no cure right now. There's no vaccine.

It's not even close. The vaccine is a year away plus. How big is this place that you're doing? I'm doing an arena. And how do you feel doing it? Like, do you feel? I don't want to put anybody at risk. Okay.

If people can go to the show and have a good time and not be at risk, I would love to do it. It's so weird, man. If the flu was going around, I know this is worse than the flu, but if the flu was going around, we wouldn't think twice of doing a show. That's what's so weird about this. It's like it is absolutely more deadly than the flu. Don't misread what I'm saying. But it's just so crazy how different our approach is to this as approach to anything else that winds up killing people. You know, we've all known people that have died from a disease. Diseases, they kill people all the time. But we've never been in a situation where everybody's scared of one disease.

It's so strange, man. It's so strange. And I don't think I could be able to get past that and just do a show right now. I'm 90% sure they're going to cancel it. I mean, the stuff that they're coming up with for treatment, one of them is a malarial disease, an old malaria disease. There's some other different treatments that hold hope and but there's so many people man that could get infected if you've got a show of 12,000 13,000 people whatever it is how the fuck are you gonna make sure those people are okay

is it your responsibility do you say come at your own risk you know i mean what if you get it when you're there like what are we doing what are are we doing? You know, I mean, the whole thing's crazy. I think it's going to be a long time before we feel comfortable doing shows again. It's going to be strange at first, you know. But I also think when the dust settles, it will settle, hopefully, unless this is the first thing that falls. And then all those other things fall into place that we talked about, like natural disasters. We're going to appreciate peace. peace we're gonna appreciate freedom you're gonna appreciate being to roam around do whatever you want go out at three o'clock at night you're gonna you're gonna appreciate it you're gonna appreciate being able to go to a diner and have breakfast

with your friend at two o'clock in the morning and laugh you're gonna appreciate it cars on the street everybody acting normal it's to mean more to you now. It's like the sun after a rainy day. It means more, feels better, has more of an impact. And I think we've gone through a long stretch in this country where everything was static, everything was doing fairly well. We were on an upward trend, no real tragedy nationally that changed the way we live our life other than September 11th.

So we got like September 11th and then all these years of war, of course, crime, of course, all these things, but we're basically business as usual for most folks. Not anymore. This is a wake-up call. This is a wake-up call that you have a finite amount of time in this life. And this life, the way you're experiencing it right now it's this is just how it is right now there's a million different factors that are in play constantly and you've been real lucky that you've had this stretch of peace and harmony

but that could change at any moment it really could and we got to use this time to be nicer to each other we're going to use this time to to realize that we got a little confused. We got crazy. Everybody's just trying to acquire things and everybody's trying to move their way up the corporate ladder. Like, hey, there's a fucking end to this ride. This ride comes to a stop someday. And it doesn't matter how much shit you've acquired. It doesn't matter how far you got up this ladder, what position of prominence you have in the community and how you're respected by the business world. Nobody gives a fuck when you're dead. It's not, you're going to die. We're together right now experiencing this thing in this like really distracted way. The thing comes into focus

when you're forced into a situation like, like now where you literally are nervous about your survival. Then the thing comes into focus. And to me, my gratitude has come into focus. My gratitude towards my friends. My gratitude towards my family. My gratitude towards, you know, look, we're very fortunate that we're not living check to check. Many of us and many of us have been in the comedy community. Many of us are now.

There's a lot of guys listening to this right now that we're hoping for these weekends coming up so they can pay their rent. This is uncharted territory for those folks and all of us that are experiencing this. But the people that are going check to check, they're the ones that are really getting hit. I want them to also know that you cannot stress over this enough that your stress makes you get sick also. Yeah, it weakens your immune system. We are working, you know, and I know 50% of people are being honest. You know, my friend said that they yanked him the other day for the cable bill in the middle of all this. You know, if they didn't give a fuck, cable doesn't give a fuck. So they shut his cable off?

They called him and told him they were shutting his cable off. He goes, I had the money. I didn't have no problem with it. My wife just forgot to pay it. So they're just jumping on people right away. Yeah, they're jumping on you right away. Yeah, they don't want it to stack up. I don't know how landlord's gonna be. I had another friend who said,

this is really funny, who got divorced 10 years ago, close to 11 years ago. There was a dispute with one of the credit cards during the divorce. They yanked it two weeks ago out of his account, out of his savings account. They got a judgment. $4,200 from an old credit card. Wow. Like they're coming out of the fucking woodwork.

Yeah, chasing down cold cases. Cold cases and shit like that. Yeah, they realize a big... So be careful, whatever money you have, if you didn't pay your student loan, they might yank it now. Just yank it from you. Yeah.

And say, we had to do this. Right. So be very fucking careful. You're right. You know. Right, and you think about it that way? Like, who knows what the fuck they're going to do now? You know, they're telling you on TV, yeah, that this landlord isn't going to care.

First off, listen, if you can't do business, I can't take your rent money, but who am I going to put in there anyway? Who called you this morning and said they're going to look for a location for a business? If you have two brains in your head, you're not doing anything right now. No. You're not buying a house, unless this is your business. Like, unless you drop and buy houses for a living, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're not going house hunting right now.

Well, even then, even if you do, you'd be like, let's hold on here. Yeah, let's hold on. Nobody knows nothing. Yeah. For the next six or seven weeks, you don't know dick. I never even thought about the China thing. I didn't read that article, but that was even enlightening. But you don't know dick.

Mind your business. I don't have to fly nowhere. Do you understand me? Yeah. I don't have to go anywhere. I got Brea the first week of June. I got Indianapolis and Cleveland somewhere in there in June. That's it.

I got nothing in July. July 31st, I got Las Vegas. Who knows what's going to happen there. And August 1st, I'm in San Diego. And then I got Ugaz. Who knows of any of those dates. And I'm being smart about this. Listen.

So what you mean to tell me is that Motley Crue, who was supposed to start a huge tour in August, Guns N' Roses, who was supposed to start a massive tour in June, they're all pushing their stuff back to October and November, December. I mean, when Live Nation thinks about giving that Motley Crue money back, they have a heart attack. They have a heart attack. They're like, no. We're holding on to this because it's August. I talked

to Salami. He talks to, what's his name, Ricky. I think it's August that they go on tour. So what are you telling me? That right after people are allowed to go out, people are going to start going out and spending money right away? I don't think so, guy. I don't think so. They're evaluating.

Every day we're not at work. Every week that we lose a week with that $12 check, that $12 check is basically going to get people groceries. I think that right now, like, we're real touch and go,

but so is the rest of the world, right? China's touch and go. Everywhere's touch and go. Italy's certainly touch and go. They've still got their streets locked down. You know, who knows? They're out there singing at night. They don't give a fuck.

Some of them, yeah. Those Italians are singing like motherfuckers. Then New York's got to act like gay people. They got to fucking sing Yellow Submarine. Sing War Pigs, bitch. This is New York. This is the boogie down Bronx. What are you singing Yellow Submarine for and shit?

Fucking Yellow Submarine. Yeah. You know what's killing me the most about this? There's one thing about not wanting to go out and do comedy. There's another thing that you can't go out and do comedy. Right. Okay, I'm the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. You know what, man?

I got to get out of the house every three nights or if not, somebody's going to get stabbed. You know that. Even a belly room show, I don't give a fuck. There's always something for us to do, you know? How long do you think it's going to be, if you had to guess? Honest. Honest. had a guess Honest honest honest honest by what I'm seeing today by what I watched in the news last night. I Think for me to go back on stage it'll be May 1st

And I don't know what I'll be on another plane again. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. It's all guesswork right now. We really have no idea. We don't know nothing. We don't know nothing. How has your focus been on writing?

Have you been focused enough to really write the best stuff you've been writing? Right now? No. Yeah, no. Okay. I haven't written at all. Okay. I haven't written at all while this is going on.

I'm waiting. I've tried. I've tried to write. I've written jokes. Like, you know, the funny thing was like last week. They had that poor little white kid that had the rosy cheeks. Mm-hmm. And he's like, you could tell that dude never got a D in his life.

You see that video? You know, this is our turn. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is our turn in Florida, you know. Yeah. Like, I had to write about shit like that. Like, everybody's mad at that kid. Joe, that's me.

Right. That was me in 1981. That's every 18-year-old. Yeah. Can you imagine coming up to me in 81 and going, there's a coronavirus. I would have snorted the coronavirus. You'd be like, yo, we're here to party. I would have taken, give me a line of that coronavirus.

Watch, nothing happens to you. Give me two lines, I guarantee you. You know? So it's all different. That could have been us. That kid was as dumb as a fucking stump. Did you see that? His parents must be like, Jesus, we fucked up with that dummy.

Well, him and the other kids they interviewed, too. All the same thing. One girl was like, is it my birthday? Turn up. Oh, my God. There was like 20 little chicks doing that fucking achy, breaky heart dance. Oh, my God. Did you see them?

All 20 of those girls just spinning into each other's breath. Oh, I was fucking dying. That's hilarious. The achy, breaky, hard dance. Yeah, whatever. I don't know what dance it is. Don't quote me. Yeah, fly dancing.

Something I haven't done since like the fifth grade type shit. Goddamn. So I don't know what the fuck's going on. You're always going to have that with kids, though. Kids are going to fuck. They're 18 years old. They're going to fuck. They're going on. You're always going to have that with kids, though. Kids are going to fuck. They're 18 years old. They're going to fuck. They're going out. They have a couple drinks in them. They got plastic

cups. They're going to fuck. What about the dude who took his mistress to Italy and he got the fucking herp when he was over there. They both came back and so now they're both busted, disgusted, and you'll never be trusted. He took his mistress to fucking Italy to do something. And they both got the corona?

Oh, yeah. And they got detained over there? Somewhere. Something happened. So the cat's out of the bag. Mama filed for fucking divorce. She's got nowhere to spend the money. Fucking Manhattan shut down.

Yeah, there's nowhere to go in the world. Like, the UFC's talking about putting on a fight on April 18th. I don't know how they're going to do that. I don't know if they're going to be able to do that in the United States. They're talking about doing it in a place with less than 10 people, and then just an open arena. I guess someone's going to commentate it. It's not going to be me.

And they're going to be duking it out like in an empty place. And they're going to try to do that on the 18th. They did it for the last card in Brazil because it was ordered by the government. The government ordered all large gatherings to break up when they started seeing the cases of corona rising in Brazil. So they had to do the Brazil card, indoors, no people, weird. But they're going to plan Khabib and Tony this way. They're going to plan it so it doesn't even have to be a big place. They could do it at a film studio.

Legitimately, they could set this up in a film studio somewhere. Tyler Perry's got a place in Florida. They could go down to Florida, rent one of Tyler Perry's gigantic film studios, set up a – I mean, we did it when we did Fight for the Troops, when they did UFC. Yeah, in San Diego. Yeah, San Diego and several other places, and Austin as well. Whenever we did it, there was a few – no, North Carolina, there was a few different ones that we did. They just would use an airplane hanger, and the troops would be there. They would be the whole audience, the troops in their uniforms, and they would set up this octagon in an airplane hanger.

And it was pretty powerful. It's different, different, real different. Different kind of show. But they could do that. They could do that in a studio or just a large warehouse. UFC could do it. Set up some lights. Have some crazy high-speed hookup to the internet. Let's party.

Taking notes. Getting uploaded. And we're watching it from here. I mean, they could definitely do that. The UFC has the capability of doing that. The thing is, how are they going to make sure that nobody has it? You're going to have to test everybody. And if someone has it, do you let them fight?

What if they have it and they're like Idris Elba? They have no symptoms, but they got the corona. What if Khabib has the corona? Or what if Tony has the corona? Does Khabib even fight him? This fight is so fucking cursed. This fight is so cursed. And I got to be honest with you.

I got to be honest with you. I already, that's one of the first things I thought of. When they started talking, and then they started talking about the NBA getting canceled. I go, there goes Khabib again. Well, this is how Dana feels. This is why Dana's trying so hard to make it happen, even if there's only 10 people in a room.

At first, for a couple days, I was mad at Dana. I'm like, fucking Dana. I go, you know what? This fight has to happen. I don't care if this happens by itself in a fucking airport in Havana, Cuba. I don't give a fuck, but this fight has to get over with. We've waited so long. How many cancellations?

Three? Quite a few. Three. Four? This is the fourth time? Three or four. Four? This is the fourth time? Three or four. I think this is the fourth time. Hospital visits, broken knee, anxiety attacks.

This actually might be the fifth. This might be the fifth. No. I think so. Yeah, this fight is fucking cursed. Google it. How many times has Tony versus Khabib been cancelled? I'm going to say I think this is the fifth time. It's many times though. and it's the best fight maybe ever.

That's the first thing. Then they kept giving you no. First the NBA, then the Nets tested positive. Then the fucking city of New York went under, and I'm like, oh, no, everything's pointing in the wrong direction. I go, but they'll have Vegas. Then Vegas said they're not fucking meeting until after March 25th. Is it the fifth?

It's the fifth time. Fifth fucking time. Come on, guys. And it is. This has to happen. It is the fight. I don't care about any other fight on the card. Just pay them, Dana.

Just pay them. Just one fight. Just pay them. One fight. I'll pay the pay-per-view. No warm-ups. I'll pay the $69.50 pay-per-view just to see Khabib and get it over with. Could you imagine?

That's it. Nobody else has to fight. $69 pay-per-view for one fight. One, two, three trainers in each corner. Everybody's tested. That fucking eight. Yeah. One guy and where are you going to put the fucking judges?

They watch from home. Listen, that terrible one, they're there. The terrible one from home. Listen, that terrible one, they're there. The terrible one, they're there. They're terrible when they're there. Some of them are good. It's not going to help them being there. Oftentimes, honestly, you get a better view of what's going on when you're watching at home.

Okay, so let's spend a minute there. Especially if you have headphones on. When I watch with headphones, because I'm watching, when I look down at the screen, sometimes when I'm watching fights, I have to. Sometimes I get a better view. I can't see what the fuck is going on. There's pillars in front of me.

Guys are grappling, and I don't know if someone's trying to get a submission or what's happening. Sometimes guys tap, and I didn't even see it. I was like, what did he do? I have to, like, break it down. Then I have to look at it on the screen. When you're watching at home, oftentimes you really have a better view of it. But it's not as crazy. So we don't need them there within social distancing.

We need them right here. We could put them in a fucking booth. The judges can all come right here. I'm going to look over their shoulder. Come right here. And then, so all we need is the three guys in the corner, the two fighters, the ref. Bruce Buffer. Test Bruce Buffer.

Bruce Buffer, he could do a long distance, too. No, no, no, no. He's going to do it with a gas mask on. Bruce Buffer's going to be in there, red face with a fucking scuba helmet on. It's time! Big old fucking scuba helmet. Does it have to be pay-per-view, do you think? Because there's no competition for it.

Of course it does. Literally no competition. What are you, a communist? No, I'm saying there's- You're a socialist trying to get fucking free shows. At the same time, you're talking about passing on stimulus checks. How are you going to ask- No, the UFC wants money, sir.

I know. How are you going to get people to pay for it? You're going to get plenty of people. Like I said, you know what? Same. Jamie wants everything to be for free. But you've got to be a douche. You've got to be a douche.

They sell the biggest commercials of all time. Somebody fucking loses here, so you've got to be a douche. You got to be a douche. They sell the biggest commercials of all time. Somebody fucking loses here. So you got to be a douche bag. Somebody loses how? Because how am I going to put all, there's three or four prelims, five prelims, and then four fights before that.

So I'm talking 10 fights. I'm talking 20 people, three per whatever, the trainers. That's a lot of people, Joe, in one fucking place. So it can't. We got to eliminate the early prelims

and just do the main card. They could do that. But they also would have to test everybody. Everybody cannot share a space either. I cannot be in this room with your old Romero over there throwing sidekicks because he's about to fight. But if everybody's tested

and everyone's negative, then who gives a shit? That should be the only thing. If you're tested and you're negative, you should be able to wander around. I think this motherfucker's a creepy motherfucker. The virus? Yeah. I think you're right. I think we're going to find out more.

I think there could be a 21-day something. I'm waiting to hear about it. What about the people who got stuck at Texas Airport last week? Four hours for luggage when they came back internationally. Yes. Not one of them has tested positive. How come they're not suing Dulles Airport? That's not just Texas.

There was O'Hare, too. O'Hare last week. Nobody's testing positive from waiting on the line for eight hours. But if you go on Twitter, everybody who's dying is from functions of the coronavirus. The results of the coronavirus.

You had to go on that line. So I gotta see how long this could really stay. Two weeks ago they were saying the air droplets stay in the air for fucking three hours. Now they're saying something fucking different. I don't think they have a lot of reliable information

yet. They have some. They know what it is. Fuck it. You gotta be ready. I'll spray the nutsack. Have you seen the coronavirus song? The rap song? No. I got it on my Instagram page. You haven't seen it? No. It's fucking great. guys it's really catchy i start i start singing it throughout the day sometimes i'm driving around why don't you sing it for me a couple times no i'll play it for you i have to play it can't even play it now i don't want to get a copyright strike we'll play it

afterwards this is the world we're living in. I think people are less worried about bullshit right now, more worried about real things, I think, in that sense. Some of my favorite people that I've ever met are people from Israel. Something about them. They're, like, carefree. My friend Shuki, he was a kickboxing trainer in Tarzana, at a Majiro gym in Tarzana. I used to go down and train with him there.

And he was from Israel. And I went to eat dinner at his house once. He used to go down and train with him there. And he was from Israel. And I went to eat dinner at his house once. He invited me over to his house with his family. And they're playing bongo drums and dancing and shit. They were having so much fun. They were so happy. And I said, tell me this. I go, why are Israelis so, like, carefree?

He goes, because every day over there you can die. Every day over there you can die. He goes, any day something can happen. And he goes, everybody just, while you're alive, you want to party. Party, party, have fun, have fun, have a good time. And I was like, wow, that's it. They have a heightened sense of appreciation of life. Like my friends, all my Jewish friends that would go over there for whatever religious thing they would go,

we'd talk about how hot the Israeli chicks were like the chicks in Israel they're wild wild and they all have to go to the army it's a party over there

you know that right yeah it's a party you ever see the episode when Bordain was there they were launching missiles and shit in Tel Aviv or somewhere

oh yes he was stuck that was the old show they got stuck there while fucking missiles were flying through the air. What the fuck is that? That's right. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah. We were looking for trouble. Instead of trouble being here, our life was so soft, we were looking for trouble where it didn't exist. We were trying to create problems where they weren't, they weren't real. We were getting outraged about things that really didn't matter. And now we see what matters. So now that focus has to be on real, real survival things and health and community and taking care of each other and looking out for the people that don't have any money right now. Cause they're not lazy. They

just got fucked. You know, we've got to look out for each other, looking out for the people that don't have any money right now. Because they're not lazy. They just got fucked. You know, we've got to look out for each other, right? All those things are coming into focus now instead of the nonsense that people have been focused. What are you eating there? What is that? An edible. Oh, okay. I thought it was aspirin or ibuprofen.

I was going to say don't take that shit. Why not? Shouldn't take that shit right now. Ibuprofen is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory, and it can do damage to your gut bacteria. Apparently it can fuck with your immune system a little bit. What's ibuprofen is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory, and it can do damage to your gut bacteria. Apparently, it can fuck with your immune system a little bit. What's ibuprofen? Advil, stuff like that. It's good if you're, you know, you need it if you're injured, right?

But it has an effect on your gut biome, and it causes inflammation on some people. Cam Haynes was on that shit every day. He was taking 800 milligrams every day, and he was in all this pain. And I sent him this Rhonda Patrick thing where she was talking about the dangers of ibuprofen and taking large doses of it, particularly like all the time. And so he gets off of it. He's like, fuck, like there's a danger of stroke. See if you can find the dangers of taking too much ibuprofen because there's a lot of

people that really get into that ibuprofen shit. I take a baby aspirin at night. That's fine. That's it. At night I take it. Yeah. Before I go to bed because, so I'll be protected between 530 and 12 which is the highest rate of having heart issues. Ibuprofen is very different than

aspirin. But leave and all that stuff, I'm not big on that unless I absolutely positively have to take something. I don't all that stuff, I'm not big on that unless I absolutely positively have to take something. I don't get that many headaches like that. So you know Cam runs like fucking 20 miles a day. FDA strengthens warnings that non-steroidal anti-inflammatories increase heart attack and stroke risk.

Yeah. So which one are they? That's like Advil. It's non-steroidal anti-inflammatories. There's a bunch of different ones. Motrin, Advil, naproxen, Aleve, ibuprofen. Yeah, that's ibuprofen and naproxen. So two different types of non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, ibuprofen and naproxen. They're both available over the counter. And he said, it's important to be aware of the ibuprofen warnings and naproxen warnings and take steps to limit the risk.

So Cam was on 800 milligrams of this shit a day. He was in pain all the time because he runs so much. Gets off of it, and the pain goes away. So he's taking something for pain, and it's causing him to be in pain all the time because it's causing all this inflammation because his gut is reacting to this fucking chemical that keeps dumping in there, and it's a vicious cycle because you've got all this inflammation And that's what's causing you to take the shit and the shit is giving you the inflammation And he's thinking the inflammation is coming from his running

So he gets off of it. No more pain like God damn, we're so ignorant so much. I mean this is a guy who's an elite athlete. I mean, this is a guy who's an elite athlete. I mean, he's a guy who runs ultra marathons. He's run as much as 240 miles in one race, right? And he didn't know. Like, how many regular folks know that this stuff is bad for you? How many regular folks take unnecessary medication that could be beneficial to you if you have a real issue, but you take it all the time, you take it too much and it actually causes problems. This is a wake-up call for people

when it comes to your health. A wake-up call for taking care of your meat vehicle. Take care of your body. You got to take care of your body. This is one that if you're fortunate and you have a strong immune system, you can mitigate some of the effects of it. And that's the case with the common cold. It's the case with the flu. It's the case with a lot of different things. If you're healthier, you have a better chance of coming out of it on the other end. You know, I've never gotten a flu shot.

Never? Never. Really? Because I don't like needles. So I just found out recently that I could take it through my nose you could spray it it doesn't work as good

on older people though it doesn't? no we asked Dr. Osterholm I'm gonna be as honest as I can with you I've never taken a flu anything that has needles involved you could tell

I would love to do heroin once in a while but to get really high it involves a needle that's where you throw me the fuck out that's where the party ends for me once you say needle that's where where you throw me the fuck out. That's where the party ends for me. Once you say needle,

that's where it ends for me. Done. Yeah. You got a great joke about that. I don't want to say it right now. What's that? About not needing a flu shot. Oh, no, no, no. But it really is

the truth that I've just, I think the immune system, we've flown so much. We have flown so much that that builds a different type of immune system. Well, how about all those shows we did like at the Chicago Theater and giant places where we took pictures with people after the show, hundreds of people? You know, I just did the Treasure Island, sold it out and took pictures of everybody after the show. That's a lot of people. And I went back up to my room and took a tremendous hot, hot boiling shower.

You know, the last time I was at the store, I always take a shower before I go to the store. The last time I went, April 2nd, was probably the first time in years I took a shower that night. That's how disturbed I was. Like I was fucking really disturbed from that last time I was at the store. Because I thought everybody else was going to be social distancing.

More people grabbed me that night than ever before. And every time they grabbed me or somebody came up to me and talked to me, my skin would crawl. And I'm like, I'm not coming down here for a while. Yeah, there's no social distancing at the store. No. And we're just following the rules over there. I was like, man, this is my fucking spot.

But now we're learning how to live without, which is crazy. You learn how to live without. And that helps sometimes. Like I said, not doing comedy, like giving it a breather, or not being able to do comedy are two different fucking things. Yeah. I can't wait to get on stage. I have a ton to say.

You know, we all do. The last fucking four weeks we've made ourselves laugh, and now we lose our fucking minds. Yeah, one of the reasons why I haven't written anything is because I'm just enjoying the relaxing. Me too. It's been too long. We've been doing this too long.

And the last run, this last nine years has been a run. It's in podcasts. Well, once you started really kicking ass on the road, too. Yeah. You really picked up your pace. You got to. You got to. Got to make hay while the sun's shining, as they say.

No, but you got to write. As a comic, you gotta write. Well, I felt like with this, I wanted to think about it. Because I'm one of the, you know, I love one thing that Max Holloway always says. He says, it is what it is. And it's a simple philosophy. It is what it is. But it's also, it's a good way of looking at things.

It's like, what are you going to do? Are you going to freak out? It's not going to change it. It is what it is. And this is what it is right now. It is what it is. We're inside all day. You know, if we go outside, we go outside for a hike.

There's no people there. You know, come here, stay away from everybody. No hugging, no kissing. Everybody just distance. And we do our social distancing. And we wait it out. And just, this social distancing. And we'll wait it out. And just, this is life right now. We're still lucky.

We're still not, look, Justin Wren comes here a couple times a year after he gets back from the Congo. Okay? And Justin goes over to the Congo. He sleeps in a grass hut. And he's come back with so many different fucking diseases. He's got malaria three times. Now he has some new parasite that they don't, they haven't identified. They don't know what it is. he's come back with so many different fucking diseases he's got malaria three times now we have

some he has some new parasite that they don't they haven't identified they don't know what it is um he he's worried it's in his brain because he's uh having some shakes and some chills and some some issues that lead him to think that it's connected to whatever the fuck this parasite is because they keep running tests on him they have these top virologists that are examining him but he's deep deep deep deep deep in the congo so who knows what the fuck's in there there might be some new shit in there he might literally have some new shit in his body right now and you know this guy keeps going back he goes back because he's compelled he's his his mission in life is to improve the lives of all these people that he met there it's changed his perspective you know he's an amazing amazing person and he's

constantly doing that like that guy is so happy and so friendly and i think one of the reasons why is because his perspective like he knows what it's like where these people live i mean he visits them he stays with them for months at a time he knows what it's like and he knows how lucky we are over here we're lucky as fuck so if right now we can't do stand-up you and i are extremely fortunate we have podcasts you know so you could just do your podcast instead of what do you do it two days a week do it three three. Do it three. You'll be fine. You'll get plenty of chances to rant and rave. Only have people over that you trust.

You know no one's sick. Don't touch anybody. Wipe everything down. Wash your hands. Take a lot of vitamin C. Eat healthy. Take all your vitamins. Make sure you get good rest.

Get in a sauna if you can. Please get in a sauna. They have them. I mean, I don't know if they have them at gyms. Fuck, you can. Please get in a sauna. They have them. I mean, I don't know if they have them at gyms. Fuck, you can't go to a gym right now. You can't do dick. Nobody's got a fucking sauna. Well, get in the hot tub then.

Nobody knows where to fucking go to a sauna. Everybody has a sauna. If you have one, you're lucky as fuck. I wish I could go to cry. I wish I could do a thousand things. But you can't. They were also saying one good thing, just elevate your body temperature. Just elevate your body temperature by working out and breaking a really good sweat you know that that actually has a good effect on your immune system as well even if you like

exercise in a hot room you kick up your immune system you don't have to do anything crazy but what you're doing is you're you're introducing those uh cytokines those heat shock proteins just wear a bunch of layers and get a decent workout in. Really get hot and sweaty. It's good for you. All that stuff's good for you. If you look at the first thing

after benefits of working out, it's always lowering your stress. Working on your blood pressure. Yeah. This is the opposite. This is, the times right now are debilitating that.

Yeah. Like if you went to acupuncture, like if I had the ability to go to acupuncture right now, I know he'd tell me like, oh, all this shit is low. They make you grab the thing. All this shit is low?

Like all your chakras are blocked, like shit like that. All that shit is probably running low. Like you need help with your immune system. Yeah. Even though you haven't been doing much. Because just the subconscious thoughts that we have now. You know, we start to sit. This shit goes deep into your subconscious.

That's what happened to me. That's why I had my little nervous breakdown on the night that Romero fought. So tell me, you were kind of getting into it. Your friend invites you over to his house to watch the fights, and you're like, I can't. And you had a breakdown. He invited me over like Wednesday. And I'm like, absolutely. If not, I'm just going to sit here at home and watch him by

myself like I always do or I'll go to Brett's house all right you know Brett yeah John John right go to Brett's that night he called me like on Wednesday goes what are you doing Saturday I'm getting a catered couple people coming over love for you to come over. He broke his leg skin. Oh, no. So I haven't seen him. When did he break his leg skin? Three months ago.

Oh, fuck skin. Surgery the whole fucking day. Oh, no. Fucking metal in his leg. Oh, no. My main dog. So before I went to his house. Is he on crutches still?

Yeah, he just got off maybe a week ago. Oh, what a time to have just got off of a fucking surgery. When this shit is going down? Yeah, he beat the surgery curve like by three weeks, four weeks. Oh, my God. Imagine. So, I'm okay all day. I'm with the family.

Fucking 6 o'clock comes. I got to jump in the shower. It's basically where he lives. Jump over Laurel Canyon, make a right, go a mile past the comedy store. That's it. For some reason, man, I went in the shower, in the shower. I just started getting

an irregular heartbeat. I came out. I took a little anxiety medication. Got dressed. What are you taking? They give me.25, whatever. I don't got dressed. What are you taking? They give me 0.25, whatever. I don't take them. What is it? Like Stenozole, whatever the fuck they call it.

Xanax, whatever. You take Xanax? It's a football. It's the baby one. It's not the sticks the junkies take. It's the little fucking footballs, you know? So you got a little anxiety, so you took a Xanax. How often do you take those things?

I take them most of the time between you and me. I wash them. My wife washes them because I put them in my drug pocket. I take them down to the store. And you forget they're in there? And I forget they're in there, and I throw them in the hamper. So between you and me, I wash more of them than I eat. And I only get, like, he gives me, if I ask him, he'll give them to me.

I ask him for like maybe two prescriptions a year. So you just keep them around just in case. I just keep them around. What does it do? I've never done it. Just in case I get that Morgan Murphy freak out. Morgan Murphy freak out? What's her name?

Morgan Murphy, yeah. Yeah, one night I had a follower at the store. I don't know what it was. I fucking walked up the stairs and my anxiety lit up. Really? I almost passed out, but I went up there and destroyed the room. I came out of a fog at the 13 minute mark. I didn't know

what had come out of my mouth. I didn't know what I had said. Anxiety. And you were on the Xanax or the anxiety? No, no, no. Just anxiety. I went up there and I just said. Anxiety. And you were on the Xanax or the anxiety? No, no, no. Just anxiety. I went up there and I just got this weird anxiety. And I remember reaching over to Paulie Schur and going, Paulie, can you go up there for me? I can't do it right now. He goes, what are you talking about, buddy?

You have to go up next. And I'm like, fuck you. And I got so fucking mad. I went up there and leveled it. But I was in a coma. I was in a coma. I was in a coma. Were you high? No.

No. My body was so, I had so much anxiety. It was just, I was just spewing. I was like Roseanne Barr at night. I was just saying shit, Doug. I was just talking. I remember when I got off the stage, Paulie sure told me you should get anxiety a lot more often

because that was fucking phenomenal. I just worked myself up. You know, you work, and I worked myself up that much that night. I wanted to see Yo Romero. I definitely wanted to see Joanna against Ching, whatever. Wiley Zhang. Wiley Zhang. I wanted to see Joanna against Ching, whatever. Wiley Zhang. Wiley Zhang. I wanted to see her. And all of a sudden, Joe Rogan, I was

getting a stroke. I was going to take mushrooms and not eat them, but I was going to take mushrooms with me and my jacket. How long you know me? 20 years. I'm not scared of nothing. I went in the car,

pulled the car out of the driveway, went like six steps, stopped the car, and then sat there for 10 minutes deciding whether I should take the mushrooms. I'm going to get stopped by the cops. I had no edibles in me, no nothing. There was no reason for this paranoia. It was just my mind playing tricks on me.

I started walking in and out of the house In and out of the house like I was gonna about to have a stroke. I couldn't control myself Should I take the keys? I know I forgot something you weren't high No, let me go get the fucking Xanax just in case I get a fucking Should I bring an edible now? I won't bring an edible. Yeah, yeah, let me go back inside and get an edible. That was my acting. I'm not going to wear this shirt. I should wear a different shirt.

Let me wear this shirt. I just went through this whole fucking, and I finally said, stop. Joe Diaz, get your shit together, cocksucker. This is when I turned Joe Diaz. You got to talk to yourself. Let's go, motherfucker. We're going to go. Let's go, motherfucker. We're going to go. Let's go.

Come on. What are you, a fucking pussy? What are you, a fucking pussy? I got in that car and I did like 90 down Laurel Canyon. I went over there. He had some YU beef for me with some lobster mashed potatoes and shit. And we just watched the fight. We had a great time.

There was a dude there who was turning me on to medical shit, telling me to fucking inhale silver and it'll block the fucking... It'll block the fucking thing in your life. The coronavirus. It was great. But you know what? That night I realized

I was just having a fucking this can't happen no more. That's the type of shit I like to avoid. I don't like that. It's like the first time I got high, I took an edible and went to jujitsu, and somebody mounted me. Time out.

Get off. Get off. Please get off. Please, you got to get off me. I can't. Please, please get off me. Please. I had to go outside, take my gi off, and take my dick out and pee in the street as cars went by.

That's how bad, when I get anxiety, I gotta pee. Really? When I get anxiety, yeah, I gotta pee right away. So, like, when I go lift on Mondays and Thursdays, I go lift with a trainer. When she puts 400 on the squat machine and I gotta fucking squat, as soon as I put the back, I gotta go pee. She's like, where you going? I go, bro, my body just went into shock.

My body just went into shock. That's how you can tell. And when I got to go, I got to go. My first three months of jiu-jitsu, I learned the hard way. Never take an edible. No bueno. Don't be taking an edible at 10 in the morning and going to jiu-jitsu at 6. It comes back.

Even if it's gone, it revisits you. The first time somebody threw a mount on me, dog, and I had one of those heavy judo gis on, I didn't even know the lightweight gis yet. Oh, my God, Joe Rogan. I had to call a timeout. Like, it was over. I had to run outside, take my G off, my G top off,

and just take my dick out and piss. Cars are going by Burbank Boulevard. I'm just peeing. I don't give a fuck about the cops. I tell them the truth. I get these huge anxiety surges. Yeah. When I work out heavy, like heavy weights,

I got to go to the bathroom before, and before I get in my car, I got to take a long piss. Does the medication help you when you take a Xanax? Not if you don't take it. Right, but if you do take it. I got shit to do in the daytime, dog. I got no time for a fucking Xanax. I don't know what kind of.

Well, what does it do? That's what I'm asking. Well, I'll tell you what happens with Xanax. I know for a fucking fact that nobody can tell me. When I first got into comedy, how I... Joey D is the secrets of comedy. You ready? Okay.

When I got into comedy, all these jerk calls, you got to bring five people to a fucking show. I'm not asking nobody to come to a show. I just wait for Joe Rogan to call me and ask me, you want some weed? You want weed? Meet me at the comedy club. I got to meet you at the comedy club.

Don't worry about it. Just meet me there. Next thing I know, you're paying 10 at the door. So I got into selling Xanax. There was a crazy guy in Boulder who had just gotten out of prison for murder, and his wife, I don't know,

they were getting Xanaxes from a pharmacy. So I was getting Valiums, the Vs. The one with the Vs, you don't know anything about that. I don't know anything about that. 10 milligrams. You could sell those for $2 a piece. He was giving them to me for like a quarter. So when I first was an open miker, I was a Xanax salesman.

But it always, because I got into a contest. So for me to win the contest, I had to have people there. So they would say, hey, when can we buy some Xanax? You got to meet me at the broker. So I would make, all of them would come up to me and go, what the fuck's wrong with you? I just paid $10 to get in here. You got to take that off the price of the pills.

Don't worry about it. I got you covered. I had such a high profit margin, it didn't really matter. So I would sell Xanax to people in the hundreds, 20s, 10s. Coke heads loved those things. So what was that? I was a Coke head. I could eat 10 of those.

What does it do? Knocks you the fuck out. Like how? Like you're going to pass out. You could die like that. When people OD, that's what they eat, fucking Xanax. I thought it just relaxes you. It relaxes you, but if you eat 50 of them,

you're going to die. And I was eating 50 of them. You were eating 50 in a day? Dog, I ate 30 of them in three days in Beaumont. It took me five days to recover. I told you, I OD'd in Beaumont, Texas in 2005 from eating 30 10-milligram Valiums. Jesus, that's a lot. The problem with that shit and me is,

you ready? This is what I realized 20, 30 years, when I was an open mic, I was selling them. I was dating a chick that didn't do, didn't get high.

So for me to be around her, I would pop those anti-bars and I would be high. That would be good enough for me. So I was used to popping like six of them. I had my tolerance up there fucking high. And why did you like it?

Because I would drink with them. I would drink like one or two drinks. You feel tremendous. That's it. Just one or two. Like how do you feel? Like fucked up. Fucked up. Two drinks and a couple Zanny bars. You get fucked up. This is before the Zanny bars.

You're not supposed to drink on them, right? No. No. But I would get fucked up, and then I'd do comedy and eat two Valiums and drink with the waitresses. I was an open-mic-er guy. Right. But the point to my story is that if you eat 10 milligrams of a valium five of it your body utilizes five of it the other five go into your fat and your body holds

on to it till it uses it again is this science yeah you know what i'm talking about here you forget who you're dealing with here so what happens is when you eat that shit, it sticks into your fat. So every time I would get high, I'd fucking not. The Xanax would come out of your fat. It would agitate the fat and fucking, it would agitate the Xanax out of my fat. If you jogged, would you get high? Oh, fuck

yeah. As your body starts heating up? I've been off of coke for 12 years. At the seven year mark, I'd be working out from time to time and I'd bump into a coke rock that just went through my system, and I'd get all paranoid and creepy for a minute. Like, I was still digesting shit throughout the years, but I believe that those bars and all those little zany things stick into your fat, and then they get me tired the next day.

They'll get me tired now. Like, if I eat six of them, I'll get tired. I only eat one of them. I eat one of them. Sometimes I get really high anxiety before I'm about to go up, and I'll eat another one once I get down there. But then I won't eat them for four days. I don't need them until.

And then sometimes I'll remember to take it out and put them back in the thing. Sometimes I just throw them in the hamper and my wife washes them. One of my friends who takes them says that when you get off of them. Very highly addictive. Well, he also said that when you get off of them, it heightens your anxiety. It's like a rubber band effect. That's what he was saying for him personally.

I'm going to tell you what I just realized. What? These fucking things. These things are he was saying for him personally. I'm going to tell you what I just realized. What? These fucking things. These things are the worst things I ever did. The ear things? This is the worst thing I ever did. Why? Because my hearing was better before I got these. Really? You told me something once

that when you're doing the jack, when you're doing the babanya to get you stronger that your nut sack disappears. So when you go off the babanya, when you're doing the babanya to get you stronger, that your nut sack disappears. So when you go off the babanya, now you're fucking... If you're doing steroids, your body's endocrine system shuts down so it no longer produces testosterone. Is that true? Yes.

So your balls shrink? Is that true? No. The balls don't really shrink. Okay, so... But they don't work anymore. Since this is... They're not doing any...

They're not putting any work. I feel with this. Ever since I got these hearing aids to clarify my hearing, it's made my hearing weaker. It doesn't make my hearing work anymore. Is it true or is it making you aware of the fact that your hearing was going bad? No, my hearing was not going bad, Joe Rogan. I was hearing things out of place. I was hearing the wrong things. If I went to dinner with Joe Rogan. I was hearing things out of place. I was hearing the wrong things.

If I went to dinner with Joe Rogan, it was fine. If you and I had a conversation, if you brought your wife, I'm going to have a hard time in the restaurant. You wouldn't hear? I wouldn't hear none of yous. I would just hear Jamie's table on the other side of the room. I could hear his conversation

more than yours. Really? And I could hear the silverware hit the table, and I could hear the dishwasher washing dishes. And every time his fork would hit, the fucking thing, I hear that shit. Every time a fork hits at a restaurant, I would be, every time I was at a restaurant, if it was me and you, we're having a good time. But once you throw Ari and Duncan in the mix, I'm just basically yes-ing you to death. Really? Yes.

That's how bad it was. Well, what is that called? Is there a name for it? There's a couple different names for it. And then somebody told me they kind of had it. I go, why do you wear those? And they're like, I don't know, for years. I went to concerts, and then it got to the point

where I heard too many things. I just needed to narrow it down. So I finally figured out with these, I don't have them on loud, I have them on low. Because if not, you hear fucking everything.

Like I was getting high and fucking hearing everything. You get high, you fucking hear everything. They have these new AirPods now that have sound deadening. So they sit in your noise canceling. So you put them in, and you can either turn noise canceling on or you can turn them into transparency mode. In transparency mode, the microphone actually picks up the stuff that's outside.

Have you tried that yet, Jamie? Yeah. so it makes things sound louder than they are like you can hear things better in a way it seems to me i mean i don't have any hearing issues to people that maybe have you don't have hearing issues or whatever it might make it sound better yeah yeah i don't have any hearing issues but when when I put those things on, I can hear things louder. I can hear stuff like further away. It's like, ooh. I don't think I can hear them talking if it wasn't for wearing those things. You know how noise cancellation works?

There's microphones on the outside that like flip the frequency and it cancels it out. Oh, that's how it works. And so by not flipping it over, it's just adding to it. Hmm. What is the number? Is it like one and a half times louder than it normally would be? Is there a number? When you add three dB, which is not a lot, that doubles sound.

That's like the intensity of the sound is more. It's doubled the – it's really hard. It's like a math equation with sound. It's interesting because that's one area where Apple has just stolen the show when it comes to Apple versus Android. Like phones are pretty comparable. I haven't tried them, but I've heard that Samsung maybe has a pair. Galaxy Buds.

That are close to it. People like them also. They're very good, but they don't have the sound canceling. They don't have noise canceling. And the Apple ones, I think the sound quality has been reviewed as being better too. They figured out how to make it like you just open it up, right? You pull it out of your pocket. You open it up.

It asks you if you want to connect. You press a button. Boom, it connects. Stick it in your ear, and you hear perfect. And for me, it's so much better than a hands-free system when you're driving in the car. I just have it in my ear, and I double tap on that. Instead of it going through the whole car and hearing it in the speakers and everything like that, I just hear it in my ear like I would a normal conversation I would have with AirPods on.

There's another level you could probably get into that I don't think you have in-ear monitors, which I know like Burt has. Yeah. I think Tom and Christina use. I have those at the UFC. When I go into the Octagon and I'm doing an interview, I have an in-ear monitor in. ear monitors which i know like burt has yeah tom and christina i have those at the ufc when when i go into the octagon i'm doing an interview i have a in-ear monitor in you can get really good ones for music they have like eight different speakers in that little tiny thing yeah well i have a pair

of sure uh headphones for they work on my laptop they don't work on iphones anymore obviously but they have drivers in them and they're like suit they're like this clear coating over silver core they're like pretty high-end fuck they sound good but you know it's for the little ones you carry in your pocket like airpods that's a goddamn genius invention yeah those are way more easily replaceable for 250 bucks than a 3000 or whatever yeah easily replaceable and they just work so well. They work great. Which are these? AirPods. AirPods. Yeah. There's little things. There's two kinds. There's the kind that are noise canceling

and then the other kind. Most of the time, I actually have both, but most of the time I use the regular one because it sits in my ear better. The noise canceling one, I feel like I gotta jam it in there a little bit. But it's great. You can talk to people while you're driving. It doesn't have to go through the system in your car.

You know, if you have a Bluetooth setup. You don't have to hear it in the speakers. Yeah, you don't hear it in the speakers. You don't hear your music. Exactly. It doesn't block your music. You can still hear the music on the radio. You know, you said something to me, and I realized, like, that's something that I do.

And when I do it, I probably have some of my best results is you were saying a couple years ago you stopped listening to music driving to the store absolutely yeah absolutely my car that I have some of my some of my favorite sets after I drive there is a car that doesn't even have a radio. That little Porsche that I have, the red one, because it's so, it's old, and it's like real loud, and it's fucking it's real mechanical, and I'm just, I'm so engaged with it, but that I went, by

the time I get to the comedy store, my brain is firing, right? I've been doing something with it. I'm not just pressing autopilot and just sitting back and relaxing on my way to the store and riding in this fucking cloud like the Tesla. With that little Porsche,che it's like you're you hear all the gears you feel it when you're shifting gears it's like you're engaged no music when you get there your brain is fired and you can think about stuff while you're driving there instead of like i like listening to sets i

listen to a lot of my sets but i also like the guy like doing that before shows like listening driving to a show and listening to a set but i also like sometimes not listening to shit just letting my brain get into a good creative place just go over the bits go over what i like about and what i don't like about just make make myself concentrate on them with no paper no nothing, just driving and concentrating on the bit. I wanted, I heard years ago that, I don't know how true it is, you know, with fucking actors, you hear all this fucking malarkey. But I heard that Denzel would sit in a room once a day and go through all his emotions until he drove himself to tears just to check himself for the day. Wow.

And I said, how can I do that as a stand-up? I don't need to fucking cry. I'm not in the business to make people cry. So I don't need to cry. I just need to be the best me. Do you know that I went to Anthony Robbins, right? You know I'm a big Anthony Robbins fan. You know that, right?

You do know that. You have talked about Anthony Robbins before. I do believe in a lot of what he's saying. Yes. I think that a little bit. I mean, dog, when I went to see him, I was a burglar. I ended up a kidnapper. Something happened.

He got through to me. You know what I'm saying? He made me fucking. He works. His shit works. He took it to another level. I took it to another level. So I ain't mad at Anthony Robbins.

You know what I'm saying? I got caught. I fucked up. I'm looking to another level. So I ain't mad at Anthony Robbins. You know what I'm saying? I got caught. I fucked up. Anthony was on the right pace. I used to listen to his cassette tapes. I really do believe stimulus take you there, something that you do to take you to that mind. Okay? He believes that there's something that we do.

You can put yourself in the state. You can put yourself in that state. I really believe there's something to that. Yeah, for sure. Okay. The reason why sometimes you're calling me and you're like, Joey, what are you doing? I'm not being honest with you.

I'm telling you I'm writing or whatever. I'm watching Pavarotti. I'm watching the most obscure people who are performers. Why wouldn't you tell me that? Why are you lying to me? Because, not you, but a lot of times my wife will go, you know, what are you doing in there? I'm writing.

I'm not writing. I'm watching B.B. King live from Africa. But you are writing in a way. I'm watching B.B. King live from Africa. And I'm watching B.B. go into a place that I can only dream into going. But I've probably been in my 28 years of doing comedy, I've been in there 200 times.

I want to learn how to get there more. So I believe that on the way down to the store, some mornings I do it. Just drive without the car on and think of a specific time in my life. Bad or good, break down the situation and see what happens. I'm not breaking open a scab and I'm not going to see a psychotherapist. I just want to

see how I feel about that situation today. I always do that. Reflecting time alone, right? Right now I'm thinking a lot about falling in love with comedy. The shit I did, Stan Hope coming over to my house as a feature act first.

And I was an emcee at the Broker on Tuesday nights. 1991. Stan Hope comes as a feature. If anybody ever did that run, you knew that the Tribble Run started Tuesday in Boulder. And Wednesday you had Off. And then Thursday you had Craig, Colorado. I was divorced, but I had a condo. I had a two-and-a-half-bedroom condo.

If the comic was cool on Tuesday night, I'd invite him to sleep over so he wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. Do you know what I'm saying? He only made $75. Now you got to pay $48 for a hotel. Crazy. So if the comic was cool on Tuesday night,

I'd say, hey, man, if you want to spend the night tomorrow, give me a call. Tonight you got the hotel here. But if you don't want to drive to Craig, spend the night. First time Stanhope came, he was a fucking feature actor. The second time that motherfucker came, he stayed at my house. I walked him to his car and brought him

food down. He had an apartment. He had a one-bedroom apartment in his car. And I'll never forget saying, what the fuck is this? And he's like, I'm homeless, but this is what you gotta do if you wanna... Because he was a real road dog. He just became a real road dog.

So I took his fucking advice. In June of 95, I said, I'm getting a car. I hung the stick in the back just like him. I had a Frisbee in there, a basketball. I had everything you could have in there. Remember those things that you put in your radiator, the metal? And if your radiator blew, you could fix your radiator on the spot. You could seal it up. Oh, when you're broke, that shit for a you radiate a blue, you can fix your radiator out of the spot. You can seal it up.

Yeah. Oh, when you're broke, that shit for a dollar. Fix a flat, too. Fix a flat. Oh, my God. Living out of your car on the road is a character builder. It's a what? Character builder.

Oh, my God. Every comic that I know that ever did that is some of my favorite people. You've gone through some shit, you know? Road gigs, man. People that did road gigs, that's a different world, man. I remember when I was doing road gigs, sometimes the booking agent, particularly if I was a middle act, they would bring in a headliner from New York, and a lot of times with these guys, they were club guys.

Like, God, I forget the guy's name, but he was an old club act who worked around New York City. He never really did the road, just did New York City. And he and I did a gig together in Burlington, Vermont. And you could see this is like a rare thing for the guy. The guy didn't have a car because he lived in New York and didn't know how he was going to get around. He had to have someone drive him up from the city, wanted to get a ride with me. I was like, man, I'm not giving anybody a ride to vermont that i don't know like that's just too weird you know this this gig doesn't pay that much

anyway but that those guys that didn't do the road when they did man they were like a fish out of water they had like new york city jokes nobody gives a about new york city when they're in burlington vermont oh they go right to the old Reliable. So what do you do for a living? A little bit of that, yeah. What do you do for a living? I'm not talking about electrician. You like being an electrician? What does she do?

There were so many comics, though, in New York that they would work the crowd because the crowds were on top of you. The crowds were on top of you in New York. You know, the stages were so small because real estate was so precious that the club was stuffed. People would be stuffed into some of those places like Stand Up New York. Remember how small

that stage was? Or Boston Comedy. You all right with the ear? Yeah. Is that thing fucking with you? No, it just gets itchy. Oh.

I remember fucking New York Comedy Club was on 74th Street. I don't remember. Yeah, 74th on the west side. Sussman used to live close to there. That's where we saw him one time.

But that room was small and had like a little stairway on top of it. Yeah. Like it had like a staircase that was right on top of you there. That was stand-up New York, the old one. I used to be a New York Comedy Club guy in 91. That's who took me in in 93. I forget what his name is. He was very decent to me.

That's how I ended up meeting Mikey Buschetti, who is now Artie Lang's... Hey, how's Artie doing? Is he doing all right? I checked his... You said he was suffering from anxiety. Anxiety, yeah. When I went to New He said he was suffering from anxiety. Anxiety, yeah. When I went to New York, I was scheduled to do his podcast that Wednesday, and he canceled.

So obviously he's still struggling with it. He's not using. He's not using, no. He did a podcast with me at Legion of Skanks place, and it was amazing. He was great. It was great to see him sober and so alert, present, so there, so honest, and fucking hilarious. He's like as funny as he's ever been. Fucked up nose, laughing about it. Doesn't give a fuck.

Talking about what he did. He snorted glass. Snorted glass. His girl broke up these pills with a fucking salt shaker and cracked it and got glass. And he snorted glass and his nose was bleeding. And he also got knocked out by a guy who he owed money to. A guy who he owed money to hired some kid to collect. And the guy punched him in the nose and smashed his nose in.

So he had a double whammy happen. Two things at the same time. Smoking, snorting glass. And then that dude, he was so funny. He was so funny and he was so alert. It was great. It was like the Artie I knew years ago, but even better. Like I don't think I've ever known Artie sober.

Do you know the circle of, there's a circle. It's a spiraling out of control. You get involved in it. When you're going through it, you're not seeing it. Once you've done it and you have the balls and you look back, they're all hilarious. I went through it. They're all hilarious.

You just keep getting in trouble. Isn't it funny, though, that that's a human pattern? It's a funny pattern that so many humans fall into. He got caught with heroin on Route 86. He got caught in his garage. The cops came down. It's things that would never, ever happen under regular circumstances. But the funk of the drug, it just hits you at one time where,

remember, everything, listen, nobody drives to an open mic with a Lamborghini, you know, right? You never see nobody pull up to an open mic with a Lamborghini. Nobody does cocaine on everyone the second time because they had a bad time doing it. You do have a really good time at first. Or it seems like you're having a good time. Your body left an opening somewhere.

You know, just how your immune system could let in coronavirus. Sometimes your soul just has a weakness somewhere. And that's when the coke or the heroin comes in. I know in his mind right now, he's like, fucking heroin? Sometimes your soul just has a weakness somewhere, and that's when the cocoa or the heroin comes in. I know in his mind right now, he's like, fucking heroin? Really? Right. How crazy was I caught up in this shit?

So then he went down this fucking just hole, you know, and that's what rehabs do. They catch you. They slow you up. They try to identify the problem with him. Was it his father? Was it the firing of, you know, the radio guy? No, he had problems way before that. He had problems when he was on Mad TV.

So what set him off, you know? That's what the rehab does, you know? That's what sets you the fuck off. And you got to get yourself away from that. I found out what set me off over the years. You know, there was a time that I could sit here for hours with you. Talk, I'm out on bail. And I'm fucking out on bail, kidnapping.

Out on bail for second-degree kidnapping, second-degree assault. You know, I got the work thrown at me, and I'm fucking going into Sears every day and clipping 10 Bruce Springsteen double-set CDs born in the USA. They're going for $80, whatever they were going for, $40. I'm getting 22 apiece. I'm taking two a day. I'm walking with the small 220.

I got $100 for Coke, $50 for weed, and $50 for lunch. That was it. I still remember, like, doing this for a month. Like, just, like, my addiction had me on this schedule that I wasn't going to work when I'm out on bail. I'm just going to go to Sears Roebuck every day and Rob Bourne by the USA. They even had him right by the door. I didn't even have to do much work. I just had to walk in, walk into Sears,

make believe I was looking for a hammer, and then on the way out I'd just take four of them, put them in my shirt, and walk out. One day, Joe Rogan, I'd pick up like ten of them because instead of four, why am I going to take four of them, put them in my shirt, and walk out. One day, Joe Rogan, I pick up like ten of them, because instead of four, why am I gonna take four? It's like the guy says in Narcos, you gonna move a kilo? You might as well move two.

You gonna move two? You might as well move five. You gonna move five? You might as well do ten. What's the difference? So instead of taking four boxes, I started taking like tens. Like I would walk out of there, Joe Rogan, like

a CD fucking thing. And one day I walk out and I hear a guy go, hey you, stop right there. And I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, come back with those CDs. They're chasing me in Boulder. In the parking lot of Crossroads Mall, here I am

getting chased. One security guard in a car and the other guy on foot. I could beat them both up, by the way. Like I could beat them both of them. But I just can't have no problems. So what am I doing? I'm whipping CDs at them as I'm running. And the guy's like, hey, stop that. And I finally click them.

What made me think I was going to get away? And then I run up. I had him. I had him. And I run up to the top of the road. I'm about to hit 28th Street. Boulder police is coming right at me. And I had to stop and give him a fake name and fucking, you know,

here I am out on fucking bail. Why am I robbing fucking a seat? Why? Were you addicted to it, to the thrill? I was addicted to snorting coke and getting my dick sucked. But do you think there was a little bit of an addiction to the thrill of stealing, too? Oh, I loved all that shit. Because you loved all that doing that shit later on with, like, lighters and shit.

Oh, I love all that shit. If I'm not in trouble for something, listen, I just smoked three joints with you here. Do I look high to you? No, you look fine. Don't do nothing no more. Well, it gets you to a good place. But the reefer lets me know I'm still, nothing has changed about me. I could be in AA right now and be clean and sober.

I don't do enough to warrant being fucking un-sober. This just lets me know I'm okay. It's like a teddy bear. It's like when people suck their thumb. That's all this is for me, reefer. It doesn't really get me blasted no more. I just told you. Listen, I'll give you one of these capsules.

You won't see daylight until tomorrow, okay? The THC capsules? Oh, these things right here are the strongest things in the market. What's in there? A, B is fucking hash oil, a little bit of oxygen, and 100 milligrams of THC. How many are you taking? I can pop two in the afternoon, 200 milligrams, then take another 200 tonight, and I'll be okay. No, I got this new thing called Quick Z.

Quick Z? Quick Z. What Z? Quick Z. What is that? It's a little container. If you want to sleep, you come see me. Quick Z? Quick Z. What's in it? Melatonin, like triple. Anything that puts you to sleep naturally,

they've put it in there. Plus, 100 milligrams of either sativa indica or hybrid marijuana and you drink it dog the first night I drank it I found myself usually I fall asleep like you do

like this like you're reading the computer and you're like this alright that's one way that's A B is this one I'm away from the computer I actually back away All right, that's one way. That's A. B is this one. I'm away from the computer. Right.

I actually back away and just go. And then slump. And slump. Have you done that one, Joe? I'm sure I've done that one. Yes, you have. Yeah. Last week, no, two weeks ago, I got so fucked up because I thought I was going to go to New York and die from the Corolla. But I actually drank that shit.

I ate two pills. Oh, that shit. I ate two pills. Oh, my God. I ate two of these first. Nothing happened. I'm like, fuck. Nothing's happened. And then I drank the fucking liquid, and something started to happen.

But it wasn't going fast enough. It was like 10, 15. I wanted to go to bed, so I popped two more of these. Oh, my God. They all hit me at once like a Larry Holmes fucking left hook. That night, I woke up on the floor. I fell off the chair, and the heater woke me up. I have a heater in my office.

My back was on fire. I woke up. I'm like, why am I on fire here? I woke up dogging in a trance. I went into the kitchen. I opened up the refrigerator, and I pulled out a half a pound of deluxe cheese that she had just bought. An American cheese. And I took a pack of saltine crackers, because in my mind, I'm not eating bread.

I'm okay. I'm not eating bread. I'm ahead of this motherfucker. You're eating crackers? Dog, I ate the whole half a pound of deluxe ham. Wow. And the whole thing of American cheese sliced thin with crackers.

And I just went to bed. I woke up the next morning. I took off my mask. There was a big chunk of American cheese in the sleep apnea mask. Didn't you have M&M's in your mask once too? Oh my God. I'm like, what the fuck did I eat last night?

I fucking went out. My wife's like, Joey, I have a pound my God. I'm like, what the fuck did I eat last night? I fucking went out. My wife's like, Joey, I have a pound of ham. I just bought that. What were you thinking? I go, what was I thinking? You have no idea what I was going through last night, you fuck. I didn't get into bed till 4 in the morning. I went to bed at 4 in the fucking, like, I woke up at 3.30 and was like, what the fuck happened?

Oh, my God. I must have went down at a quarter to 11. I probably was in this position for an hour, and then I just fell off the fucking stool and just lay on the floor. Nobody saw me. That's how drilled I got. I think that was the Wednesday. Yeah, that was the 10th.

I don't like to smoke and go to sleep. I don't like to smoke and go to sleep. I don't like to eat and go to sleep. I just like to go to sleep when I go to sleep. But when I get high, like if I get high before bed, I have to get out of bed. I've got to grab the computer because that's when my best ideas come. Really? Yeah, my best ideas come like the first hour after getting high, like the rush. There's like a rush that happens, a rush of wild thoughts that happens for like the first, like 40 minutes to an hour right

after you're high. It's like, that's when they're popping, they're just popping into your head and they're like, come on man, let's dance. Like you got to get up. You can't just try to sleep on that. Like when those little moments hit, I start getting ideas like, oh, okay, this is a time you got to write. Cause you know, how many times do you just go through your day

and don't have any interesting ideas? And then all of a sudden you get high and they come out of nowhere. It's like the most underappreciated engine for ideas ever is getting high. It's funny how when I get home at night, I always think of something between the two stages. Something always happens between the two stages Something always happens Between the main room and the original room Or vice versa

And something always happens How I could do something a little better So when I get home I do take a piss I wash my hands That's the best time to write I got my THC tea going I got my little 3mg

With the CBNs and shit. They have little breath mints now. They're 5-milligram breath mints. Oh, they'll fuck you up. Trust me. How many did you eat? Oh, my God. They're called Sleep.

The product is by Kikomo. And the tea I drink is called Tranquil. And every time I got a camomile and the Yorba root. Oh, yeah, Yorba Mate. Yorba Mate. Yorba Mate is a stimulant. Well, then it's the cousin. It makes you go to sleep.

Whatever it is, Yorba somebody. And then you have three milligrams of THC, 10 milligrams of CBN, and like all those other things that put you to sleep. Rosemary. They got everything. No melatonin. But they're fucking pills. It's like a container, not like Tic Tacs. Like a little tin.

Like a tin. Of little tiny breath mints. Oh, Lordy. You better be careful with those babies. How many did you take? Two or three. That's it? Yeah, but I also had like 300 milligrams of fucking these in me. Oh, I think it's the other things. No, no, no, no, no.

I went to Las Vegas. The last road gig I did was Las Vegas, and I went with those. They were just... Don't get me wrong. It's not the THC that kills you. was Las Vegas and I went with those, they worked. Don't get me wrong.

It's not the THC that kills you. It's the CBN. Jamie, can we find out what CBN is? I don't know. I've never even heard of that. There's multiple terpenes. Right. It's one of the dirty cousins to CBD. What is a terpene officially?

One of the things in it. I don't know how to explain that. A cannabinoid? What's a terpene? I think that's what a better use of the term is. It's a great word. When you could use the term confidently, whenever you could say terpene confidently. Cannabinoid and all that shit.

Terpenes are what you smell. Large, diverse class of organic compounds produced by plants, insects. Ah, interesting. Strong odor. Oh, okay. They protect the plants. So it's just a component of the plant. Right, yeah.

Interesting. So CBN is like that here. Here it is. I mean, it says it's good for the same stuff CBD is. So CBN study benefits include pain relief, anti-insomnia, promotes growth of bone cells, antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-convulsive, and appetite stimulant. Very interesting.

So it sounds real similar to just THC or CBD. So just another cannabinoid? Is that what it is? Yeah, there's some new ones they're finding out too. I've gotten THCA, which is not psychoactive. And there's some other new ones. The science is getting awesome right now. It's great for you. CBD is fucking great for you.

It really is. It's great for you. It really is. I feel the difference. And I don't see any downside. I'm not seeing it. I'm looking for it, right? I'm trying to find out, is there something this stuff does to you?

Like, see, just Google, what are the negative effects of CBD? I've never heard of any. Have you? I haven't looked for them, though. I've been using CBD cream. Oh, it's amazing. Instead of cream, just on my legs. I went to Vegas, and I had it, and my skin got dry.

I went somewhere, and I was like, let me start using this. I'm done. Side effects include nausea, fatigue, and irritability. Not for me. Nah, I doubt it. I think you're just talking to pussies. Yeah, I blame it on that CBD, man. It made me have fatigue.

I was irritable because of CBD. If you're irritable. You know what? You should have a little fatigue at night. If you take like more than 1,000 milligrams of CBD at night when you get home, if you work out, if you legitimately have an injury. Like, I know it rests the fuck out of me at night. Like, I like all that shit.

I'd rather take that shit than hit opioids, like, at this point in my life. All that Xanax, Ambien. The Ambien makes you do crazy shit, and the Xanax makes you get addicted. It makes you say crazy shit, and the X makes you get addicted. It makes you say crazy shit, too. Yeah. It makes you say, do dumb shit at night and make crazy shit, too.

So you know what? With these, every once in a while, I go off the deep end. I'll make a racist comment or something later tonight, but I can live with that. You know what I'm saying? I can live with that. Ambien, you don't really sleep, though. It just kind of puts you away for a little bit. You don't go through a full sleep cycle, right?

Who was telling me? Is that true? You don't go through a full, see what, I want to make sure I'm getting this right. Ambien doesn't allow you to go through a full REM sleep cycle. Really? I don't think so. I think it's a different cycle. Because when we had Matthew Walker,

the sleep expert, when he was doing a very informative podcast. The best. And the one, listen, let me tell you something. Your podcast from Monday the 9th of March or the 8th of March, that was the best podcast of the year.

Which one? That's the one about, that one broke down the coronavirus. Oh, that's this guy. Monday. Osterholm. Osterholm. That was the best. That's the one that put the fear of God into me.

That's the one that opened my eyes a little bit more why people were reacting to where they were. Yeah. Yeah, there was a wake-up call. Wake-up call. Big wake-up call. What do we got? Hard to find Because I would also imagine that

Any negative effects would be Zapped by the pill industry online To Google it You know Somebody says Maybe at high dosages It might affect it But the very first thing I said

It says effects of Zolpidem Which is Ambien Had no effects on REM sleep Really? So I don't know. Interesting. That's not what Matthew Walker was saying. No, I know that for a fact.

He was saying marijuana, too. He said marijuana doesn't, you don't get a full. You don't go as deep as you're supposed to. That you think you're supposed to go there, but you don't go as deep as you do. Why don't we Google, does Ambien affect, do you get real sleep on Ambien? How about that? I mean, that's, I have to dig through, like, where would you like me to look, I about that I mean that's I have to dig through like or what would you like me to look I guess cuz it's a good

question very first things that come up are just like blogs about ambient and like yes I get sleep this is the very first thing not to go through 12 pages probably a result yeah we'd have to figure it out well you know what I need to talk to well I know that Matthew Walker was talking about the negative effects of it. But I need to talk to someone else and get like the – get the rap down or just listen to what he said about it and just get the rap down. Because I know there's something to it where it doesn't totally – it's not the same as just sleeping eight hours without it. You know, the same amount of recovery or something. It just seems like any time you could take something it just knocks you out like that's a chemical just put you out that can't be good it can't be good for there's a chemical you

take that that crashes you that's not good you've done some i mean you're gonna recover once you crashed but you've done something very strange you You've taken something that shuts you off. Just to me, when I'm up, I'm up. Am I up? Oh, okay. Well, I'll get up. And then when I'm tired, I'll lay down. I'm not taking anything.

And people are like, well, I need it for work. Okay. I get it. You need it. Okay, I get it. You need it. It just seems to me that if you want to be healthier, taking something that just makes you go to sleep is not the answer. Yeah, it's one thing if it's a natural alternative that just relaxes you.

But something that knocks you the fuck out, and when you wake up you're in a gunfight with the cops, because that's what Ambien does. Kevin James woke up in the middle. I talked about it on one of my specials. He made a fucking turkey, went to the grocery store, went out. He made food. And people came home, and they're like, what the fuck?

He's like, someone broke into the house. He went to the supermarket and bought food and made a meal. And he thought that someone broke into his house and cooked scary that is do the people are in the middle of a drive on the highway they wake up they have no idea how they got there they have no idea some people when they're on Ambien they just Ambien walk they do all kinds of wacky shit I think people have committed murders when they're on Ambien. I think there was a guy.

See if that's true. So Matthew Walker says that you're not getting the restorative benefits of sleep from it. Yeah, there you go. You're not getting true sleep. They switch off the top of your cortex, the top of your brain. He explained in New York Magazine and puts you in a state of unconsciousness. That's not sleep. That's cryogenics.

For a walker, the sleeping pill sleep does not have the same restorative powers. There you go. From immune boosting to emotional resilience. So, of course, the other stuff that you read was shills by the pill industry trying to fill up the Google search. Folks, stay up. When you're tired, go to bed. My advice to you.

You know when they didn't need sleeping pills? Back in the fucking pioneer days. You take a wagon across the country and fight off Indians all day? You could just go to sleep, man. You just sleep. You're tired. Dig ditches all day. You're exhausted.

I've always used Reef for the sleep early on. Pull this thing into you. I've always used reefer to sleep, A. And B, I've always used reefer to slow me down a little bit. I know for a fact it always slowed me down. My mind has always been fucked up like that. So they should have treated it with something early on they didn't catch it they didn't know it existed now I know how to calm myself

down self-medicate you know I know how to smoke the reefer I'd brought really dig the meditation the last two weeks and what I saw where it took me from where I was at to where it took me from. It helped me to the main thing, which is accept. Acceptance is the main thing in this whole thing that's going on right now. Once you accept it, you'll lose 30 pounds of weight. You're going to live 20 more years. Accepting this, that you didn't fuck up and nobody around you fucked up. You didn't fuck up, Joe.

This is just, didn't fuck up because I shot somebody at the store or I acted bad at the store. This has nothing to do with us. Right. This is something from life. We will all bounce back from this. Might be a year, might take two, might take six months.

You don't know what's going to happen. I know that it's going to change people's lives for the better. gonna go you know what i didn't want to work in a fucking office anyway yeah you know what this is going to make people think from outside the box which is something they needed yeah so there's both negative and positive from this whole situation how it works for you is up to you how it works for you it's all going to be up to you, G. Well, every time there's a moment of adversity, you can recover from that. If you can recover from that adversity,

you have an opportunity to grow. It's always there. What was the quote that Rafael Lovato quoted that inside every seed of adversity is a seed of an equivalent benefit. Who is that? Think and Grow Rich? What is that guy's name again? God damn it.

This weed in your memory. I'm being 50, fuck you. Yes, Napoleon Hill's book. Very interesting book. Rafael Lovato Jr., he loves that book. That book to him is like, that's like his, one of his motivational books. Joey Diaz, let's wrap this up. We're three hours in.

It's always great to see you. I'm glad we got a chance to do this. Great to see you, Jamie. Great to see you, brother. I know Jamie's dying. There's no sports. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. What are they doing?

Are they going to just put everything aside for a little bit? People are betting on the weather right now. Like NASCAR is doing like a virtual league this weekend that they're starting up with some past drivers and whatnot. Oh, my God. I know everything is on hold. Oh, my God. You know what I was thinking of doing? Like some whatnot. Oh, my God. Right now, everything is on hold. Oh, my God. You know what I was thinking of doing? Like some old, oh, my God, I watched something really good the other night.

What? Fucking UFC Unleashed came through for Uncle Joey. They showed all three Chuck, Randy fights. Right back to another. Very interesting. Wow. You know, Chuck going in there, not training, taking a light, getting fucking lit. Yeah, Randy took him down.

He fucking took him, mounted him and shit. Stopped him. And then him coming back, catching him with that short right. And then him coming back again. That's been great. I wish you could narrate him. Like, the idea was like, why can't he fucking, I should call him. We should talk to him.

You know, when you and Eddie get together and do that. Because even though, that's great. Right now to get like old fights and put them up. It's not a bad idea. No, my God, this is the time to do it. We should have a fight companion for old pride fights. Like get some of the pride. Yeah, because I have no knowledge on them.

That's what we should do. I love to get schooled on Overeem in the beginning, the Japanese guy. Which one? The one that you— Sakuraba? Sakuraba. And then O'Gara Brothers over there. That's the education I need next. Yeah, that's a great idea.

So please— A fight companion with some of those great old Pride cards? Yes. Yeah, we'll pick out a card. Pride Dynamite or some shit. There's so many. Put together a card of just top ten fights. Oh, yeah.

We could totally do that. But the best way, I think, would be if we put it together where they could sync it up like the dark side of the moon and then watch the whole card with us. So we're going to press play right now. It's starting. Here's the first round in three, two, you know, like that. Just like we do with a regular fight. So they could be synced up so they're watching it with us. Yeah, UFC came through last week.

It's a great idea. Diaz, they had McGregor. They had everybody on, both fights. They ended up with Khabib, Diaz. Didn't ESPN have something like 11 hours of fights? Yes, yes. They ended up with Khabib Diaz. Didn't ESPN have something like 11 hours of fights? Yes, yes. They ended up with Khabib Conor McGregor. Here's the thing about UFC fights.

For some strange reason, and I'm not sure why, they're as entertaining to watch the second time as anything I've ever seen ever. I still have Diaz-McGregor on my pay-per-view and Khabib-McGregor on my pay-per-view. Dude, I've watched Zhang Weili and Ioannou and Jacek. I've watched that five times. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. I've watched it on my TV at home.

Fuck you. That's like watching Uncut Gems. It's so good. And even better. That was so good. That was so nerve-wracking. That fight was so crazy. I've watched that fight a gang of times.

I've watched the stylebender Yoel Romero fight at least two times I watched John Jones Tiago Alves I watched that I mean Tiago Tiago Paul no no no no no Tiago Santos Jesus Christ Tiago Tiago Alves is a welterweight Tiago weed I blame the weed but I watched that about I watched the Dominic Re watched that a bunch of times. I watched the Dominic Reyes fight a bunch of times. I watched that fight at least four or five times. Watched that fight with a fine-tooth comb. And I don't know.

I still can't call it. Anybody says that this guy won or that guy won in that fight, that's open to interpretation. That third round is open to interpretation. No question Dominic Reyes won the first two. No question Jon Jones won the last two. It's that third round is open to interpretation. No question, Dominic Reyes won the first two. No question, Jon Jones won the last two. It's that third round. That third round, I was like, can we make it even?

That seemed like, you know, that's a hard-to-say round. I kind of leaned towards maybe Dominic Reyes did enough to win that round because I think he landed more volume in that round. But Jon controlled the center of the octagon. John was starting to put pressure on him. John was starting to catch him. Especially towards the end of the round, which I always, for whatever reason, score higher.

The end of the round, to me, is like, this is when shit's starting to change. And then one person might have got a relief from the bell, where the other person was gaining an advantage. That's what it seemed like at the end of round three. It seemed like John was starting to gain an advantage. I haven't watched it again. Now that you brought it up, I watch it.

It's good. It's a good fight, man. Dominic Reyes is a bad motherfucker. He put on a show. You think about what he did and how calm he stayed in front of the GOAT, the guy who's beating everybody. John Jones is beating everybody. And Dominic Reyes put it to him.

Got it so close that there's a real argument that he might have done enough to win the decision. I don't necessarily agree with that argument. I think I almost kind of agree with a draw, if people saw the draw. I could almost see that third round being a draw. But I like Jon winning because Jon was stronger in the fourth and fifth rounds I think it means more I think it should mean more I know it doesn't but it should it's like the fight was going his way he was starting to take over that's what you want to see I mean you want to see the guy who's trying to chase the other guy down and and beat on him at the end of the fight

who's doing that at the end of the fight well the end of the fight. Who's doing that at the end of the fight? Well, the end of the fight was Jon Jones. But still, impressive. But you got to think the Tiago Silva, not Tiago Silva, Tiago Santos fight, Jesus Christ. Tiago Silva was another bad motherfucker from Brazil. But the Tiago Santos fight was a split decision. People forget that. I mean, I don't necessarily agree with it. It was a split decision. I thought John won. But it was close enough that one judge disagreed. You know, one judge, incompetent or competent, you beat a judge, gave it to Tiago Santos.

And, you know, Tiago Santos put on a hell of a show. It was an amazing fight. But, you know, John's still the greatest of all time. If you look at all the guys that he'd beaten, Anthony Smith, OSP, Leota Machida, Rashad Evans, just go down the line. Rampage Jackson, just go down the line.

Vitor Belfort, just go down the line. Everybody. John beats everybody. Daniel Cormier twice. Stopped him the second time. John beats everybody. John beats everybody. So for Dominic Reyes to put on a show like that?

See, this is why this coronavirus is so fucked up for MMA. A, that people can catch it and get sick, and their loved ones can catch it and get sick, of course. But B, god damn, there's some good fights that need to be made. And how are they going to make them? What are they going to do? Tyson Fury, they're pushing Tyson Fury and Wilder 3. They're pushing it back.

They have to. They have to. They don't know what to do. Tyson Fury, they're pushing Tyson Fury and Wilder 3. They're pushing it back. They have to. They have to. They don't know what to do. I think they're going to try to push it back to July or something, right? The fall? That's right. It was in July. That's right. Nobody's going to go to Vegas in July. Who's going to Vegas in July? There's a fight in Vegas in July. I'm supposed to be at the Park Theater.

Where? In July in Vegas. You are? The day before the fight. Yeah. The one that's next at the Park Theater. Where? In July in Vegas. You are? The day before the fight. Yeah. The one that's next to the MGM. I'm at that place. That place where they do the weigh-ins.

Who knows if I'll be able to even do that? I don't know. I mean, Max Holloway said it best. It is what it is. What it is. Let's get the fuck out of here. It is what it is. Hey, we love you people.

I love you guys. We do. Thank you for tuning in. I feel like one of the cool things about this, about being able to do podcasts this week with Bird and Tom and you, it's like our community is still together. It's still together. We're still together. We're still having fun together.

And we want you guys to be connected to that. That helps. I mean, even if it's just an e-community or it's just a virtual community, it's still all of us that kind of vibe on these conversations and have a good time together, we're all in it together, including people listening. This is a weird thing that we're doing, and we're not going to stop because of this virus.

If we have to do it from our house, if it gets so crazy they keep me in the house, we're going to do it. We'll hook it up with some sort of cameras. We'll make it happen. We'll make it happen. We're going to make it happen. We're here for you. We got you, cocksuckers. We got you.

Stay black. We love you. Bye. Thank you.