The Joe Rogan Experience - #1449 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

Bryan Callen is an actor and stand-up comedian, and together with Brendan Schaub he also hosts “The Fighter & The Kid” podcast available on Spotify.

Yee-haw! Here we are. Are you a shooter? Well, dude, my ears are covered for the second time today. I'm just going to say that. And I'm a... Ask me that again. Were you a shooter? That's funny. I'm a tactical...

Are you an operator? I'm a tactical shooter, bro. I'm a tactical shooter. So you ever done... We went to Tarrant Tactical today, and Brian Cowan learned the ins and outs. Learned how to lean forward, had some Navy SEAL instruction as well. Yeah.

How to hold a pistol correctly. My boy Taylor. Yeah. How'd you feel? I love it. Fun, right? I've been doing it in my head forever. Oh, in your head.

Yeah. That doesn't really work, does it? I've rehearsed killing a gang many times. A whole gang? Sure. Lean in. Kick, kick, kick. And I go like this.

Why don't you shoot them in the knee and rehabilitate them? Oh, that's such a good idea. Because they don't have knee targets. If they had just a bunch of knees. But they have the little tiny targets on the ground. Which I don't like. Because I'm like, what am I shooting, babies? I was going to say, they're the size of a toddler.

Yeah, that's weird. I'm like, all right, so I've got to kill the toddler with one shot. A kid with a missile. Yeah, I was pretty accurate with that. That's kind of sick. But yeah, that's a good idea. I could either waste them or wing them. I wing them.

And then take them in and teach them the error of their ways. Yeah. And at the end, they'll be loyal to you. I toss them an herbal remedy, an herbal wrap. Like Steven Seagal had in that one movie where he was in a coma for like 10 years and then he was kicking everybody's ass a couple days later. I don't care what anybody says, that shit was factual. Do you remember that movie?

Very well. It's called Above the Law. No, no, no. You're way out of line. No, Above the Law was the first movie. This was deep into his career. He's in a coma. He's a nurse. Yeah, he had already gotten fat by this time. That's where he ran terribly. He always runs terribly. But in the early movies he was by this time. Oh, he had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where he ran terribly. He always runs terribly.

Yeah. But in the early movies, he was skinny. And above the law, he was skinny. Yeah. But then by the time he got to this other movie where he's in a coma forever, like, look at his fingers moving. He's waking up. Look.

Awesome beard. Actually, he wasn't too fat. No. Wasn't too fat. He looks great there. But he'd already, you know, started to fill in his hair. And so then he was in a coma forever and then gets out of the coma remember it starts doing all sorts of uh chinese herbs and shit

to become a bad i'll say he was pretty skinny back then yeah he was so this was early in the career yeah he heals himself i would i would do i would throw them an herbal wrap and tell them how to wrap it and then say, training begins tomorrow at dawn. And then you wake them up. Yeah. They're like, man, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

And I'd be on horseback for no reason. Really? You and horses. Why do you? Because there's something very masculine. How many bits do you have when you're on a horse? It's my entire act. It's my entire act. It's my entire act.

I just have this. There are a couple things I want to do before I die. One is to toss somebody an herbal wrap and say, training begins tomorrow. Or be there tomorrow. And I want to rehabilitate at-risk youth. But they're like 20. And then I want to rear up on a horse. I want to rear up on a horse i want to rear up on a horse but i want to appear

out of nowhere rear up on a horse and rescue a group of women in the wilderness a group of women in the wilderness what are they in the wilderness for they got lost were they hikers they were uh their plane uh went down nobody got hurt but it skidded along the glacial lake down yeah they said we can't find them it's impenetrable it's impenetrable and then you go and they go Their plane went down. Nobody got hurt, but it skidded along a glacial lake. Their plane went down? Yeah, it skidded. And they said, we can't find them. It's impenetrable. It's so elaborate. It's impenetrable.

And then you go in. And they go, fuck. Fetch the, fuck. Fetch the man panther. The man panther? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my nickname. You should have a, do you know about this guy?

His name is Dick Pronicki. Do you know about this guy? His name is Dick Pronicki. And he was a guy who lived in Alaska by himself in a cabin that he built for decades. Yeah. And he moved out there when he was 50 years old. He got tired of life and just the way everything was, the fast pace of modern life. So this guy decided, this guy, amazing videos on YouTube. This guy built his own house out there in Alaska, fashioned it out of logs.

There's like a video of him doing the whole thing, filmed everything. Wow. Filmed all of his interactions with animals. Birds would come and land on his hand and he would feed them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He was you. He literally is you.

Slit and wood. Stoic by himself and wrote. You know me. Stoic and real solitary. Oh, yeah. And real measured with his words. Of course. And it's everything you want to be.

And he would sit and every night he would write. And he would write about his experiences and the deep satisfaction that he got off of living that kind of a life right there's some amazing videos pull up one of the videos so you can watch how this guy's living his life out there but um you know he would only see people like once or twice a year when they would drop off goods and things that he needed but this guy was you know he wasn't a spring chicken he moved out there when he was in his 50s wow yeah and when was this i want to say he had to ways back because i moved back with his brother i want to say in the early 2000s somewhere around then that looks like 16 millimeter

film that was yeah yeah oh dude he lived out there for decades, like I said. Yeah, by himself. You've got to know your shit to be out there by yourself. Uh-huh. Well, I think most of it he learned once he got there, and he talked about it. He talked about what the experience was like, about just learning how fatiguing it is to hike. Oh, yeah. Learning how fatiguing it is to gather up your own firewood, and he made most of his own tools. Right there, he's making a mallet himself. He drills a hole in it with a hand auger.

And then he makes his own peg. And he only brought in tools to make tools. And the big tools like that, he made all of himself. That's amazing. And what did he live on? Just deer meat? I mean, yeah. Elk meat, deer meat, berries.

He got some oatmeal and stuff, deer meat, berries. He got some oatmeal and stuff, some dry goods that he would get in large barrels. So he'd come in and touch base periodically. They would come to him. People would fly out to him with goods. God. But I mean, he built all this shit by himself. He built his whole cabin by himself. And he documented every step of the way.

Amazing. His name is P-R-O-E-N-N-E-K-E Dick Prenike Alone in the Wilderness is the whole series on YouTube and he's on the side of a lake with this this cabin that he built living off of animals that he hunted and firewood and whatever food that he gathered. I'm obsessed with this now. Yeah. Because I got this corona thing caught me with my pants down. Yeah.

Here's what I want. I want a substantial cabin made of thick logs or stone. And then I want it near a lake or a water source, maybe preferably a well. Yeah. That I can irrigate my own crops. You're going to have crops? I'm going to have chicken. I need chickens.

You really only need a garden. You don't need crops. It's just you. I need a garden. Is it just you? Yes. Well, it might be me and several of my- Lady friends?

My lady friends because I'm going to start my own colony, so I have to breed. You understand? Okay. I need a lot of hair and beard dye because I want to stay looking young. What if they come up with something that reverses you in age? Now you're talking my language. How old would you like to go back to? David Sinclair will actually have a cabin on the side.

He'd be right next to you doing experiments. I'm going to have his fucking lab and I'm going to be his guinea pig. Yeah, you'd be the guy. Yeah. David, come on out. And I'll just entice him. I'll entice him with all the girls. Well, he's not into that.

He's a married man. Leave him alone. All right. But he'd like to come out just to hang out and pal around for a few days. He's a fun guy. He seems like a good guy. He's a great guy. Yeah.

And he's brilliant. Yes. And he's brilliant in the field. That's very important. What do you mean? You're getting old. That's right. Yeah.

That's right. You want to be Dick Prenicky where you had to escape your wilderness paradise because you're too old? There are a couple things. One more thing I want to do is I want to split with my shirt off while I have women watch me through the window of my log cabin as they're baking me a pie. Now, I know this is a chauvinistic fantasy. It sounds like it. Don't worry. You sound like a real piece of shit right now.

The other thing I want to do before I die is I want to have a horse I'm so attached to that I can go, and then it just shows up. Oh. So. Sort of like Brad Pitt's pit bull in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Correct. I'd kill for one of those. That pit bull was perfect. That was fucking great.

That thing just fucking. It knew what to do, when to do it. Yeah. Yeah. They don't use, the cops I heard don't use Mastiffs, even Rottweilers, because they do too much damage. They don't let go. Yeah.

They don't like to let go. Then you've got a major lawsuit on your hands. You can't have somebody bite your fucking hand off. Well, I was watching a fucking video of a guy in San Diego who got arrested by these cops, and the cops couldn't get the German Shepherd off his arm. The German Shepherd's clamped down on this guy's forearm, and this guy's screaming, and they're pulling on the dog, and the dog's pulling on the meat of his arm. You gotta choke the dog. You don't pull on the dog.

Bro, they weren't interested in choking the dog. Apparently, they thought this guy was a bad person, and they were letting this dog chew this guy's arm up, and you get permanent nerve damage. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just devastating to the tissue in your forearm. I've seen video of it where I said to the cop, I showed it to me, I said,

why didn't that guy who's this giant AWOL, he went AWOL wall just giant uh he used to be a special forces guy and he just went crazy and they let that dog loose on because they had two cops that he was fighting off and they let this this wolf this fucking wolf loose and grabbed the dude on the top of his arm he had huge arms like brendan shop like big arms grabbed grabbed the guy and the guy just i in the middle of his craze he looked at the dog and then just went he froze and went down and i said why isn't he punching and he goes because you shut down because when he bit that arm that arm went numb you can't use that arm that's a fucking pain. The excruciating pain of a German Shepherd biting into your arm. Yeah. Not good.

Or a real wolf. You can't train them. Now you got yourself a problem. They're not interested in listening. They're not interested in listening. Good luck getting a wolf to attack. I'll tell you who's not hearing a fucking peep out of a wolf, and I'm talking about a timber wolf, not a peep. Who? Is Mr. Mountain Lion. Okay?

I wonder how that works. Mr. Mountain Lion. Okay? Mr. Mountain Lion. I wonder how that works, Mountain Lions versus a wolf. I'll tell you exactly how. Ready? Yeah. The wolf dies. Really? That's right.

Have you seen it? There's a video of it, first of all. Really? Yep. Mountain Lion versus a wolf. Mm-hmm. Mountain Lion's on his back, by the way. Wolf tries to get over it, and Mountain Lion gets under the old jawline.

Oh, gets the neck. Yeah. And by the way god is uh and holds on with those claws that's right they have claws yeah and it's more athletic it's 150 pound 140 pound 130 pound mountain lion good luck with that and there's they fight solo they don't need a bunch of pussies dude and they go low they go fucking low like a lion there's no and there's no sound there's a great video of a water buffalo charging a lion, a male lion. And the male lion literally waits until the water buffalo is closing the distance and then ducks under and grabs a hold of it by the neck and just hangs on.

Wow. Actually, it might not have been a water buffalo. It might have been something else. It was a cow. Some other rugged animal. It was a rugged animal. Yeah. I forget which animal it was, but the animal makes a rush at the lion like, hey, fuck you.

And the lion's like, no, fuck you. This duck's under. One of the problems when you have a game reserve is that if you have a pride of lions, you are going to pay so much money keeping that reserve stocked. Because a pride of lions goes through crazy amounts of meat every single day, every other day. So they will decimate. They'll go through a whole herd of buffalo. Well, that was an issue after the dentist shot that lion with a name. Yeah.

Remember that lion with a name? Cecil. Cecil. And then do you know that they were worried that Cecil's brother Jericho was killed? But no worries. It was a lion that didn't have a name. So, oh, fuck. We're so close.

Literally, I read an article that we're being serious about that. They're being serious. There was a real concern that Cecil's brother Jericho had also been killed, but turned out not to be true. Like, like as if it's the real lion king. Anyway, when, when they killed that lion that lion, when that dentist killed that lion, well, they then after that had this thing, this international outcry where nobody wanted to go there and hunt lions because they didn't want to be the next guy that gets targeted

like that dentist. So because of that, they had to slaughter a large number of lions. I'm sure. Find out how they- All the people that don't have any idea what it is to sustain. It's just the number was crazy. It was something like, I don't remember if it was 50 or 500. Yeah. But it was like they had to kill them.

And instead of getting $50,000 per lion, like they're accustomed to getting when people- Because they have all these lions. The lions had decimated the Angela population Of course no one was killing the lions anymore. It's like elephants So now with elephants you can't move a one like a member of the herd or two members Elephants have to be moved as a herd. Otherwise, they go nuts, right? So they're there the females rule the roost But you can't just take like three elephants from that herd and then move them over to the game

You got to take them all otherwise, they really get fucked up. Yeah, they love each other. They love each other but you can't just take like three elephants from that herd and then move them over to the game. You got to take them all. Otherwise they really get fucked up. Yeah. They love each other. They love each other. Yeah. But then also when you call elephants, which you have to do in Kruger National Park and things like that.

Why do they have to? Because they get too destructive. They just get too many of them and they just lay waste to the vegetation. It just becomes an imbalance. So the problem is that they were like, you can't shoot them from helicopters anymore or Jeeps, whatever, because you know, that's, and they would kill the whole herd because you can't just kill a couple, right, because they go nuts. And then they can't do anything with the ivory because the ivory trade is illegal.

Correct. So then they store that. So then you make – you jack up the price of ivory, which they do the same thing with rhino horn. But so what now they try to do is they try to sterilize the females, right? They'll try to- Oh, great. Good luck with that. That's a lot of fun.

Yeah. That's really difficult to do as well. You know, they were trying to do that on the Hamptons. They were trying to do that with deer. They were trying to give the female deer birth control. Just let the men fucking shoot dead loads into them. Yeah, go ahead and shoot the deer. I'll eat them.

Well, that's what they should do. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but they didn't. They decided for whatever goofy reason that what they were going to do is try to give them birth control. And they were going to spend countless amounts of dollars to get birth control into deer. Jesus Christ.

Like, how are you going to... What are you going to do? Do you know how many there are? Apparently, they're infested out there. After watching Tiger King, what is your take on keeping tigers as pets? It's ridiculous. First of all, I only watched one half of one episode. I had a pause.

I had a pause. Jamie and I were getting NAD IV drips, which is pretty fucking amazing. What is NAD? That's the stuff that David Sinclair was talking about. Well, let's get O'Bri on the NAD train. O'Bri might be a little cheap. It's expensive. Yeah?

Yeah, it costs a pretty penny. I want to live forever. Okay. We'll talk afterwards. Okay. I don't know. I've done two, and I feel pretty good. You feel any different, Jamie?

Yeah, I can probably say I feel pretty good. Yeah, I feel pretty good. Especially sitting around inside. Yeah, but it feels like the second one really took it over the top. What does it do? I have more energy. I feel really vibrant. I feel great.

But it's hard to tell. What does that mean? I don't know. I'm sleeping eight hours a day. I'm staying at home with my family. Living your best life. I'm not chatting on the road. It's like, how am I sure this is it?

But apparently, scientifically, it's provable. Right. It lengthens your telomeres. It actually decreases your biological age. Wow. It's been proven. David Sinclair said that NAD, HGH, and there was one other, DHEA. Those three things in combination have been shown to reverse your biological age.

Wow. Yeah. Crazy. So we're trying. I'm like, look, while this shit's going down, I want to keep my immune system at fucking tip top Magoo as Joey Diaz would say. Tip top Magoo. It's one of the greatest Joey Diaz expressions ever. But it's just one of those things where

there's, you know, there's a few different scientific advances that they can absolutely show that will decrease your biological age and show that there's an increase in your vitality, your ability to recover, all these different things. So I'm getting in on all that. Well, and the tiger came back to that. Oh, yeah. You know, he had 227 tigers as pets.

Seems like a good number. They live in a fucking cage. Yeah. And then he had chimps. Chimps should never be kept in a cage. No. I don't give a fuck what anybody says so there's certain things I just don't think should be

if it's a professional zoo like San Diego and they have habitat but at least kids get to see them and it educates the general population but when you've got 10,000 tigers as pets I don't know man do you remember my bit from Triggered

from 2016 I loved your original original Tiger bit. Oh, that was... I've had so many Tiger bits. One of the greatest Tiger... One of the greatest bits ever. I mean, you can make the argument for... Thank you very much.

Two Tigers fucking was one of the greatest bits ever. You should do it. You should do that fucking bit. I don't think it's on... I don't think that bit is on anything. That's crazy. You should do that fucking bit i don't think it's on i don't think that that's crazy you should do that bit you should revive that bit and you should you should tape it and you should put it out there it's let me say it again i've been i know comedy doing this long time it is top three bits of all time that's very nice of you but it is but it's um i think it's might be

on an audio recording. God, it was my, it was the first time I saw, first time I saw that we were at the comedy store. It's so visual though. That, that, oh, it's on I'm going to be dead someday. That bit gets destroyed in the audio version. You got to see the fucking visual. You have to see the visual.

Dude, when you're making the noises. That was the first bit that I ever did where I realized like you have to kind of become the thing. Yeah. Like you got of become the thing. Yeah. You've got to become the thing. I would make noises, try to be me still, but then I realized, oh, I've just got to become like a tiger fucking. That's what I love about certain bits. For me, I do this thing about having an abusive father who was a piano teacher.

Don't ask. And I talk about his mustache. His mustache belonged. The bristles were so thick, they belonged on the back of a boar, not on a man's nose. And I go into this whole character, and I love to lose myself into that character. Or when I do that English supervillain.

Yes. Like, I just fucking, it's so fun to get lost in that character. Because you can think like that person. Yes. That must be the appeal of a guy like a Daniel Day-Lewis. Of course. Someone who can really encapsulate.

They do something where they become that. Yeah. They become that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And some people never do that. They're just always acting. Like, oh, here's that guy acting in a movie. I know who he is.

Yeah. And there he's acting. And then some people just become. Jeffrey Tambor, who's won a bunch of Emmys for, you know, transparent. He said that for him, it was about shoes. He'd have to figure out what kind of shoes like he'd have to feel it first in his feet, which makes sense. Oh, wow. Like when you wear sneakers or you wear leather soled shoes, you feel different.

You're not as secure in leather-soled shoes. You automatically become more formal when your toes are pushed together, when you're constrained like that. It's a weird thing to think, but it does change you. Yeah, you can't even move good in leather-soled shoes. They're slippery. Correct. So if you see people, I can tell a lot about somebody by their footwear.

If they're wearing sandals, typically I can tell you what their political bent is. Those are dad sneakers, I don't give a fuck, game over, and I do what I want, Joe Rogan shoes. You don't know Jack's shit. These are trail runners. I know what they are. What are they? They're trail

runners. These are Solomons. They're excellent shoes. Speed cross. I know all about them because I almost bought them for when we were going to go hunting with Rinella. I know all about those shoes. They're excellent shoes. Speed cross. I know all about them because I almost bought them for when we were going to go hunting with Rinella. I know all about those shoes. They're awesome. It says tread. Yeah.

So if you're going to go up like slippery terrain, this gives you grip. I'm all about it. I run trails, bro. But also you're like, I don't care and I'll just wear those. There's a little bit of that. Also, there's no shoelaces. Correct. So I go like this.

I cinch them tight. Yep. And then I put it in here. Very easy. I tuck it in there. Yay. And then I put it in here. Very easy. I tuck it in there. Yay. And you can go to the airport real easy with these on too. You know who's never getting caught with those?

You know who's never getting caught with those on? Brian Cowan? Nope. I'll do it. I don't give a fuck. Brennan Sharp. No chance. I showed them to him once and he almost threw up.

Yes. Yes. I wear these all the time. He can't handle it. Yeah. I wear these. I wear Chucks. Yeah.

But if I'm doing anything in dirt, they're like a middle ground between wearing a boot. Yeah. You know, like if you're- They're great. I wear them hunting sometimes. Yeah. I looked at those for hunting. Yeah.

A lot of guys in elk hunting in particular because you're so mobile. You're constantly chasing these massive herds and you're moving around and going through. You have to come elk hunting. Yeah. You've never been elk hunting. I need the meat. That's disturbing to me. Well, I have plenty of meat for you. I have the meat for and going through, you have to come elk hunting with me. I've never been elk hunting. I need the meat. That's disturbing to me. Well, I have plenty of meat for you.

I have the meat for you. Listen, you've seen me shoot. You've seen me, how I lean into my targets. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Just a couple hours ago. Yeah. Just a couple hours ago I saw you. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

You seem like you were born for it. Not only that, I go, get down. That's what, you notice how I said that? Oh, you didn't hear that? I had earplugs in though. Oh, I was on radio. Get down. Also, you have a, you say things in a things in a way that only people around you can hear.

That's true. You have the right amount of projection so the enemy never hears you. I speak cryptically. Andy Stumpf, I did his podcast and he had me, he wanted to see what kind of a tactical asshole I am. And he had me watch, you know, film. Oh, wearing a shirt. Oh yeah. Cleared hot. Cleared hot. Great podcast. I love him. he had me watch film. Oh, wearing a shirt. Oh yeah. Cleared hot. Great podcast.

I love him. The best. And he had me look at different movie scenes and break down what was wrong. I was wrong all. I was completely wrong about everything. I thought that when you shot a gun with a suppressor it was like...

It's pretty loud. You've never shot a gun with a suppressor? it was like... No, it's pretty loud. Pretty loud. You've never shot a gun with a suppressor? I have, actually, in Utah, but... It's loud. I was wearing earphones, so I couldn't... But it's nothing like a rifle. No. Like, when we were hunting in Prince of Wales, I had that gun with a muzzle brake. So loud.

Yeah, it's a 7mm Remington Ultramag. It's a very loud gun. Dude, that's a seven millimeter Remington Ultraman. It's a very loud gun That's so loud outside. It can hurt you. They say if you They say if you're too close that you can damage your ears permanent 100% Yeah my one of my friends There was a guy who shot near him shot too close to his ear some he was he's a guide and This guy apparently He's a guide, and this guy apparently went to swing. The animal was close by.

He's here. The animal's close by. Something happened where he shot really close to his head and blew his ears out. Now he only has hearing aids. Damn. He has to wear hearing aids. Because that rifle, the trigger is so sensitive. It's unbelievable.

Yeah. The idea is they don't want you pulling hard. But different people have different theories on that. It's the same with archery. sensitive it's unbelievable yeah the idea is they don't want you to pull in hard but different people have different theories on that it's the same with archery um with archery uh some people like a very sensitive trigger and some people like a a trigger that's very hard to pull so that you you can't just jerk on it because you have to pull pull pull pull bang and then it goes off you know like when you when you shoot archery it's very interesting but you would think like say if you have like a wrist strap with a trigger on it you would think that when you draw back you go like that yeah but you to you would use your finger to hit the trigger but you actually don't some people do some people actually can do and shoot

like cam haynes does it that way shoots very well that way but cam haynes is a psychopath he's a different human being most people there's something about that thing that starts a flinch an anticipation flinch it doesn't with him but some people they get a thing called target panic so they get away from target panic what they do is instead of pulling the trigger you wrap your finger around the trigger and the trigger is stiff and then you use your back muscles so then then you aim and you go like this you just pull with your back muscles and it goes off without without you even moving your finger huh so once i would hook my finger on it my fingers in place and then i'm just pulling and pop it goes off oh that's nice yeah is it is a crossbow does that have more

range crossbow is basically a shitty gun. It is. Just get a gun. Yeah. What are you doing? You're not an archer. No. What are you doing? You got a shitty gun. It's a shitty gun.

You think you're walking dead? You're that guy with the motorcycle? Personally, yes. Listen, that whole walking dead thing is so fraught with peril. First of all, how come there's no pass-throughs? You're shooting into these mushy zombie heads. It goes right in there. Why doesn't it blow out the other side?

Yeah. It would, wouldn't it? Fuck yeah. It would blow through an elk. Really? Yes. Jesus Christ. 100%.

Those things are going fucking 500 feet a second. Which is why I told Andy Stumpf, the special forces should have a crossbow division. They should. Not. They should not. But also, he doesn't even have real tips. Those crossbows, they're using field tips.

It's basically a pencil point. It's like poking you and making a hole in you. It's not going to kill you. Oh, it's, what do you mean? The crossbow? The crossbow's not going to kill you with those tips on it. It's a little hole. It'll make a little pencil hole that'll go through you.

And your body would seal up the wound. Is that true? Yes. So you could shoot me with a crossbow with one of those arrows. You'd be fucked up, but you would live. But if I shot you with a crossbow. Unless it was arrows. You'd be fucked up, but you would live. Huh. But if I shot you with a crossbow... Unless it was in my heart.

Yeah. Yeah. That would probably kill you. But like one of your lungs, you'd probably live. But if you shot someone with a crossbow that had a real broadhead on it, the broadhead would slice you wide open like a samurai sword right through your whole body. Goddamn. Yeah.

That's what it's like. So easy to kill. Why are human beings so easy to kill? Well, because we're smart and we have nuclear weapons. True. That's how nature balances it out, right? Turtles are stupid as fuck. That's why they have that awesome cage over their whole body.

It's true. It's true. That's what it is. Yeah. Look, there's a balance to things. I know, but- And we respect that balance, and we also, we want that balance to exist in everything. That's why if we see a hot girl, we want her to be stupid.

Correct. That's why people get caught with their pants down when you think a hot girl is stupid, and she turns out to be very intelligent. Perhaps more intelligent than you. Well, speaking of that, when I saw that we met the director of John Wick today. Yes. And he's a handsome, athletic-looking fella. He's a good-looking guy.

He doesn't look like a director. No. He used to good-looking guy. He doesn't look like a director. No. He used to be a stuntman. He was a kickboxer and a Muay Thai guy. But he used to be Keanu Reeves' stunt double, I guess. Yeah. But I looked at him and I was like, well, this dude looks like a stud. He's kind of like a silvery fox.

He's getting older. He's like my our age. But I thought to myself, the guy looks like a real athlete. He must be a, you know, meanwhile. He's definitely fit. Meanwhile, a fucking big director. Yeah, and he comes there and shoots all the time. All the time.

He said twice a week. Dude, it's such a great thing to have. And it's also really fun. It's like you're shooting metal targets and everything like that. But it's fun. There's something. It's the same thing with archery. It's the same thing with a lot of stuff that you have to focus on.

You focus and then you execute and if you do it properly there's like sort of the meditative aspect to it which sounds crazy to say that shooting guns with earplugs on it's very meditative it's very yeah there is because because it's like anything else i like getting comfortable and familiar with things that scare me yes i like getting comfortable and familiar with things that scare me. Yes. I like getting comfortable and familiar with violence. I actually do what I mean. Yeah. Because whether it's hunting, whether it's boxing, whether it's jujitsu, but I like, I like working at those things and putting myself in uncomfortable positions that, cause when you go to a shooting range, like it's your first time, like with me, with that kind of tactical thing, it's always going to be a little uncomfortable because you're the new guy. You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

You don't know how to unload a magazine. It's just going to be mechanical and there's going to be a process. But there's something about being in this strange location with those loud noises that you can become very familiar with and pretty soon you get good at that shit. And now you're actually, you don't look like a complete idiot. At least you can kind of like start to you know be familiar with that language yeah i think that's in personally for me i think that shit's important well it's it's important to it'll definitely make you less scared because one of the weirdest things is watching an altercation break out and then

watching men get scared like men who don't know how to defend themselves or men that are not used to being around violence, getting scared. That's right. Yeah. And, and that's going to happen. It's exactly like getting punched in the face. If you're not boxing and getting hit, I promise you, I don't care who you are. When you get hit, you just get jabbed. What you're going to do is you're going to look down and you're going to bring your hands to your face. That's what you're going to do. You're going to go, Oh shit. Or you're going to do this or that. And then you're, then you're going to bring your hands to your face. That's what you're going to do. You're going to go, oh, shit. Or you're going to do this. Or that. And then you're, yeah.

And it's not until you really practice whatever it is that you can see and kind of, you know, I'm not saying I'm there, but you're at least less apt to, less likely to put yourself in a position of danger. You know, it's exactly like with jujitsu, right? When you grab somebody, what do they do? Like I've grabbed boxers who I've never had any wrestling. Great boxers. They're banic.

They turn. They turn their back. Or like I was showing my friend how he's a great boxer, but I was showing him how vulnerable he is with even an idiot like me grabs him. Grabbed him, took him to the ground, and I put a body locker on his body. And what did he do? He reached down for my ankles. So I went, oh, here you go. And I just went, you see what happens?

It was, anybody would do that. Yeah. So. Well, I think it's good just to learn because it's difficult and because it tests you emotionally and physically. Yeah. And even the shooting stuff does, especially because we're around these guys who are, you know, Taron's a real world-class competitive shooter. And he's showing us his stuff and then we go to do it it looks so awkward and goofy like when you put yourself in a

situation where you suck at something it's really good for you it's good to suck at things and try to get better at them anything whatever it is whether it's learning how to play chess whether it's whatever it is learning how to do something learn how to play tennis whatever the fuck it is when you learn how to do something you suck at it at first and you have to concentrate on getting better, that thing of getting better translates to other aspects of your life. And it's a skill. Getting better at stuff is a skill. It doesn't mean that because you're – It's a mindset.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean that because you're good at archery you'll be good at learning how to play the piano. But if you can get good at learning how to play the piano, you can get good at archery. Yes. Because there's a thing in there of learning how to learn. Well, so learning how to learn a lot of times is as simple as once you learn how to do one thing well. That's why one thing informs the other. I think what happens is if you're in a new situation like we were today, you get better. At least I'm better at getting out of my own way. You get better at not overthinking. You get better

at relaxing. It's the same. A lot of times it's the same body position. It's the same weight distribution. Sometimes it's very similar. Like a lot of these things have their similar language, but mainly they're also a similar mindset. You just put yourself in that softer beginner's mind, that idea of kind of like, you know, just open up. Open your mind and just let it come to you. Well, it's also accepting that you don't know things. A lot of men, in particular, are really bad at learning stuff because they want to think that they know already. So even when you tell them stuff, they want to think they know. Yeah, I got it.

I got it. Problem solvers. Well, because men are natural problem solvers. I have a joke about that where I say, I don't know anything about cars, nothing. But if there's a woman on the side of the road with her hood up looking at her engine, I'll make suggestions. And it's true. And I've done that.

I'll be like, well, check the spark plug. Well, today with engines, good luck. No one knows what's going on in there. You ever see what it looks like when they open up a brand new 992 of 2020 Porsche? No. The hood? Pull up, opening up the hood on a 2020 Porsche. It's the most ridiculous thing ever.

Really? You have no idea what anything is. God. Even someone like you who knows a lot about cars. I have no idea what's in there. I have no idea. You can't even see anything. You get this much of a view.

What? To the engine. Oh, yeah. The view into when you open up the back, there's a rear engine car. Porsche was probably one of the most sophisticated, technologically advanced cars ever built, right? Because they've been refining the design since the 1960s. Pop up the rear trunk and look inside at the engine, or it's not trunk, it's the hood, whatever. Look inside of the engine. You don't know what the fuck that is. It's two fans. You

see two fans. Jesus. That's what you see. You see two fans. Jesus. Yeah, what's going on there? I don't know. I better take it to a place with computers. Well, you need software, right? You need software to tune it up and all that shit? I have no idea.

Literally, they have to plug a machine into it which analyzes the system. God damn. And then the machine's going, hey, this is fucked, and that's fucked, and this is falling apart. When are they going to do that with- People. Yeah. Soon. Really?

Yeah. You have Really? Yeah. You have inside info. Well, here's the problem. Once the first guy gets his legs cut off and gets awesome new legs put on, then we're going to have a real problem. Fuck. Because people are going to take their legs off. Uh-huh.

Yeah. You're going to have better legs. That'll be Joe Rogan. Better legs. I can't wait until I get the call when you're 80. I'm getting new legs, dude. What? Getting them cut off. I'm going to buy. And you know me. I'll be like, I get the call when you're 80. I'm getting new legs, dude. What? Getting them cut off.

I'm going to buy. And you know me. I'll be like, I don't know, Joe. The science is new. And you go, fuck off. Like a turkey leg. Pop. God damn it.

Just pull them off and put some new ones on there. Well, I mean, we were talking about this guy. Do you see any photos of it? I was trying to find a video and nothing was new at all. They were really old. It's a 992 Porsche. 992 is the 2020 model. If 992 Porsche under the hood, it's all right.

Shouldn't I be buying a Porsche? You should. Really? Please. I've been begging you for years. I need it. I deserve it. To buy a real car.

Yes. I mean, I have a Tesla. That's a real car. Yeah. That's a great car. That's new for you to say. I love that car. Do you still drive your- Love it. It's right here. I mean, I have a Tesla. That's a real car. Yeah. That's a great car. That's new for you to say. I love that car. Do you still drive your... Love it. It's right here. I drive it all on its own. Great car.

It's the fastest thing I've ever driven. By far. I have a bunch of sports cars that make a lot of noises, but they're like guys who put fucking headbands on and weightlifting belts and then some girl who's a crossfitter goes right next to you and deadlifts twice the

weight. That's what the Tesla is. It's soft and subtle and twice as fast as anything. I love your, whatever that is, Land Cruiser? Oh, yeah. It's the greatest car I've ever seen. Yeah. It's awesome.

Does it drive really well? Oh, yeah. No problems? It's got a supercharged Corvette engine in it. Oh. Okay. That's a side section of the car, though. I have no idea what the fuck that is.

Yeah. See, that's different because that's actually, they cut the car in half so that you can look into it. I think that's actually even an artist's rendering. It is. It's okay, Jamie. We're never going to find it. Oh, far left.

Right there. Red. Red. The red, far left. Left. Right there. That's it. That's very small.

That's it. That's it? That's it. That's the view. Go large with that. What? If you open up the trunk, that's what you's it that's it that's it that's the view go large with that what if you open up the trunk that's what you see come on yep that's the whole thing you see under the hood that's what you see what happened there so forget it so forget it that's it so your wrenches are no good here so imagine a girl pulls over like i don't know what to do and she's

wearing cut off jean shorts and a banging booty yeah old squat booty yeah I'm saying yeah and she's looking over and you're like I've got to help her let me help you I'm uh I go like this I go what seems to be the trouble you you're a captain never distracted is that what you said my nickname is Brad Pitt so if you pull over and look at that you don't know not a fucking human being has any idea what's going on I'd say I've got the software back in my place. You should get one of those, though. You should get one of those. Really?

Get yourself a nice Carrera S. Oh, my God. It's a marvelous car. Really? Oh, yeah. Super calm and quiet. They go over bumps like nothing. But yet, when you hit the accelerator, like, they have such a supple suspension that the

suspension can, it's so, it adjusts no matter what you're driving over, when you're in comfort mode expensive yes it's a fucking porsche jesus christ yes what kind of question is that at least 100 grand yes yeah at least 100 grand but you need one i do right you do you're a bad influence on me no i'm a good influence look we've been doing this forever okay i have been doing it forever imagine, if you just listened to me all those times ago, you'd still be fine, but you would have had this history of having amazing cars. Instead, you had a fucking red Prius forever.

It's the Red Ram. Call it the Red Ram. One thing you did have, though, I remember that Bronco that you had. Not bad. That was pretty dope. It was like a 70 Bronco? Yeah, it gave me nothing. A 71 Bronco with a 350 Windsor or something like that. Yeah. Caused me nothing but problems.

You know why? Because it's a piece of shit. If you got a really good one, it would be awesome. I love the car. It was a cool looking car. I remember when you came to my house and I was like, I love you. Yeah. You're finally getting it.

I know. I'm like, finally, you're getting it. Every time I try to be different, though, it's just never, you know. You just never driven a Porsche. Yeah. If you drove and see don't one like Schaub's Schaub's got a gt2 RS. He's such a true loud it hits bumps too loud It's like it's his number one car. Oh, yeah, just front who drives that car as their number one car psycho He's out of his mind. It's like psycho. I know. But it fits him. I know.

It's perfect for him. It's flashy. It's blue and black. It's amazing. The best. Like that. You don't want that color. That's a gross color.

I like that color. That color's disgusting. Get a, pull up a, that's that Doug DeMuro guy. He's great. He's a nice car, though. That guy's a great analyst of automobiles. Like, look at that. Perfect.

Black. Listen, this car is a marvelous car. Yeah, but you know, I need something for the fucking... I need something for the next pandemic. I need something to get... I want to get an Airstream. You want a Land Cruiser like mine. Yeah. But I need something I can kind of live in, too.

I'm going to get an Airstream. You want something you can get away from everybody in, too. You can't get away in an Airstream. You've got to leave that thing there, and then it becomes a liability. That's true. You want something you can overland in, son you can't get away in an Airstream you gotta leave that thing there and then it becomes a liability that's true you want something you can over land in son over land over land and that's a good idea the whole thing they do over landers my Land Cruiser that was built by icon the rear seat comes out so the rear seat has these these they made it for me so there's pull these levers click click pull the rear seat out you

could sleep in that motherfucker if you had to. Expensive. Costs money. Things cost money. You want to hire artisans and craftsmen and geniuses to design things and build things for you? It costs money. Maybe just regular. You want to get paid too, right? Don't you want to get paid? Yeah, they do as well.

Yeah. You got to pay them. Maybe a regular Land Cruiser. Regular Land Cruisers are great. I'm cheap when it comes to cars. What is that? Oh, look at that. An Overland.

That's a real Overland vehicle. What the fuck? That looks like a Dodge Ram or a Ford F-150 or something. What is that? What's that thing that's dragging behind it? Well, that's where all your shit is. Yeah. You sleep in that.

Yeah. And then they have these rooftop tents. That's one of those. Look at that. Yeah, you climb in the rooftop tent. Let me see that. Let me see the one. But I want to see that one.

Yeah. I need protection. No, you want the one to the left of your cursor. That gray looking thing, right to the left. Yeah, right there. You just had it. Yeah. That's what you want.

Look at that. It looks so manly. Oh, that's fucking cool. It looks like a Ford F350. That's what I need. Now the problem is it's taking up a lot of gas. It's diesel. That thing probably drives pretty.

It probably is a huge tank. What are those three things? Is that three gas tanks? It might be it might have three gas tanks. I'm a fan. Yeah, look at that thing I'm a fan. I carry extra gas. Well, we have to think differently now, right? I agree. Press that button Let's see what this thing look at it driving over fucking mountains and shit. Look at it. So manly. Yeah I got you keep water in there. You could fucking cook food inly! Yeah, I got my weaponry. You can keep water in there. You can fucking cook food in that fucking thing. I got my weaponry. I got my hunting rifles. I got everything.

He's got, oh my god, he's bouncing over rocks with that thing. He's got rock sliders on that pig. That's a pig of a truck. You should be in the back while you're doing that. I know. Imagine trying to sleep. That's good, though. Why are you driving over the mountain? I like that a lot. Yeah. Those are great. But you could, like a van.

There's a company called, look up this company, U-Joint Off-Road. Yeah, I think that's what it's called. U-Joint Off-Road. And what they do is they take a van, like a regular van, and they turn it. He has an Instagram page. It's pretty cool. They take a regular van, like a cargo van, and turn it into like the ultimate 4x4 vehicle. They take out all the bullshit, take out all the axles a cargo van, and turn it into the ultimate 4x4 vehicle.

They take out all the bullshit, take out all the axles and the engines, redo everything, and put super beefy off-road suspension, off-road live rear and front axles. I love that shit. Look at that. Bam, motherfucker. Drive to the moon in that bitch. Yep. So that's something that normally would be like uh something that amazon delivers your uh toothpaste it's big enough to sleep in oh fuck yeah for sure look at that they did one with a

school bus they redid a school bus i need you gotta have water you got a lot you got a lot of there's a lot of shit i've been obsessing now my friend sam sohalt he's a photographer and uh he films does a lot of outdoor filming and stuff. I've known him for years. He did a school bus. He purchased a school bus. Go to Sam Sohalt's Instagram page. He probably has a blog about the school bus because, I mean, it's an extensive build. He did it for years.

And he took this school bus, a regular school bus, turned it into this ultimate outdoor travel vehicle that can sleep like 10 people. So he has cots in it. Oh, it's amazing. It's a labor of love. You and I spoke about getting some land. We've done this a while back. We were talking about this.

Here's the thing I didn't think of that you thought of that was very smart. You get land with a large pond slash lake on it. Yes. So you can fish. Yes. So you got access to protein no matter what. Right. Then you have a garden.

You got to be able to grow. You need a well. I got to irrigate. I need a well. I got to have my own source of water. There's Sam's thing. So look how the side pulls out. Oh, that's fucking great.

Turns into a wall tent. That's crazy. The side turns into a fucking wall tent. Look at that shit. That's amazing. Dude, that's fucking great. Turns into a wall tent. That's crazy. The side turns into a fucking wall tent. Look at that shit. That's amazing. Dude, it's so dope. And he brings that thing up into the back country. That's great.

Yeah. Dude, it's amazing. Problem is it's a giant bus. I need something a little bit more maneuverable. Yeah, you don't want that. No. Sam's crazy. But I mean, it's awesome.

What about the Fisker? What is it called? Fisker? That's an electric car. What are you talking about? No, what is it? Now I'm losing you. You're sliding back to the old way.

Hold on. Oh, now you're back in Venice drinking cappuccinos off a fucking expensive machine. No, no, no. Son of a bitch. Hold on. I need... We have to go look at land, dude. Where do we do it, though?

Colorado or Utah. Not California anywhere? No. You want to get out of here before this place slides. Too many fucking fires. Not just fires. Anything can happen here. Look, we're dealing right now with this pandemic.

The entire country's dealing with it. Tack on a natural disaster, and then you're really fucked. You're really fucked. For real? For real. I know. Yeah. This is a tricky place.

California's tricky because it works. When it works, it's great, but it's kind of like playing musical chairs. You know that fucking music is going to stop and everyone's going to have to sit down. Is there a chair for me? Am I stuck here? Musical chairs might be a bad analogy, but the reality is this is unsustainable. And we're basing all of this on a model that really throughout human history has only been temporary. And that means a model of peace and prosperity.

And interdependence on a level. Technological independence. I mean, Jesus Christ. And we're counting on the grid. We're counting on so many factors that have never been permanent throughout human history. They haven't existed. The grid didn't even exist until the 20th century, right? So in the 20th century, in the time that people who are alive today almost were alive,

the whole world has shifted, and now everybody lives in these electrified cities, and sewage all goes through this thing, and everything goes into the ocean. You're counting on so many people. So many, dude. But on the other hand, there's so many pros to that. There are, but I would just like, please, a place I can get the fuck out of and just have, like, I just want to be, I don't want to be a sitting duck.

My biggest fear is being vulnerable. Right. Well, you remember when I moved? Yes. I moved to Boulder in 2008 for a little bit. And the reason why I moved is, like, I don't like this. I don't like this. Traffic.

And when my daughter was born, too, I was thinking, you know what? This is a good time to start fresh. Let's just go somewhere where it's quieter. But ultimately, that didn't work out because of altitude. When my wife was pregnant with the second baby, it's like, goddamn, altitude wrecks women when they're pregnant. And we were really high. We were at 8,500 feet above sea level.

But now I have other friends that are saying, hey, we need to get the fuck out of here. Tom Segura was saying, we need to get the fuck out of here. Joey Diaz was saying, where are we going? I was like, you tell me where we're going. I'm going. I'll go.

He was like, let's go to Montana. Let's go to fucking Billings, Montana. We'll open up a comedy club. I like Billings. I like Billings, too. me where we're going. I'm going. I'll go. Right. He was like, let's go to Montana. Let's go to fucking Billings, Montana. We'll open up a comedy club. I like Billings. I like Billings, too. We were in Billings. Yeah. Yeah.

When we hunted the Missouri Bricks. The first time we ever hunted. We could create a, we could literally start a comedy club somewhere great. Oh, yeah, we could. Like, Boise doesn't have a comedy club, from what I understand. Maybe they have a smaller. Yeah, it does. No, Boise has a club.

All right, so. Yeah. Coeur d'Alene. I don't know. Somewhere really nice. Listen, we could for sure do a comedy club somewhere or move to a place like Salt Lake that has comedy clubs and 100,000 fucking people or whatever they have out there. But the idea of staying here just seems so silly.

It seems so silly. Yeah. Especially while you're still in show business. You're still sucking on the tit of the devil. Yes, I am. You've got the devil's nipple in your mouth. Yeah. You're still going to red carpets.

Yeah. I've also got the fighter in the kid. We're not getting Schaub to move anywhere because Schaub would be like, you pussies. Oh, he says that. Yeah. All it would take is one more of these things. Yeah, you might be right. And Schaub would be like, yeah, Denver's not bad.

Yeah, you could live in Evergreen. You're 30 minutes from Denver. Yeah. How about that? I'll do that. Evergreen? Would you? Is that nice?

Fuck yeah, I'll do that. Oh my God, Evergreen's gorgeous. Pull up Evergreen. I got my kids. People in Evergreen right now are angry at me. Shut up. You're going to fucking wreck Evergreen. Evergreen's beautiful.

Damn it. It's 30 minutes from Denver, and it's a beautiful mountain town. Here I come. 9,000 people. 9,000 people. 9,'s beautiful. Damn it. It's 30 minutes from Denver, and it's a beautiful mountain town. Here I come. 9,000 people. 9,500, all our friends. Yeah. Imagine we start a comedy club in Evergreen. Great idea.

Just get Wendy involved. Wendy from the Comedy Works. That's what it looks like up there. I love Wendy. Bro, it's gorgeous. It's got a beautiful historic. Look at that. Wow.

That's what I'm talking about, Brian Callen. Dude. Woods. Dude. Elk. Elk herds wander through town. Oh, town oh come on you whack one of them you eat it for six months and i want two i want two german shepherds working you can get them look at that go pull that fucking historic downtown evergreen that's the lake i've been to that before there's a lake and people go ice skating on the lake dude that's what i want to do. Yeah, that's where the South Park guys, Matt Stone and Trey Parker,

they're from Evergreen. That's what South Park is based on. It's part of it's based on, that's why there's always snow in South Park. It's based on Evergreen, Colorado. Those guys are from there. It's gorgeous up there. They're going to get mad at you

if you keep talking about it. Sorry. There's other places in Colorado, but there's other places in Utah. Park City's amazing. I love in Utah. Park City's amazing. I love Park City. Park City's great. My parents retired there.

Good move. Great restaurants. Beautiful scenery. You're still dependent on the grid and there's not enough water. I don't trust it. Well, there is actually. Get some water. Doesn't trust it.

We'd be fine. Kill some elk. Yes. There's lakes up there. But I need fucking rice and oatmeal. I need some starch. You need rice and oatmeal. I need some starch. You need rice and oatmeal? I need some yams.

Why do you need rice and oatmeal? Because I need- You know, you can grow yams. Huh? You can grow those things. Yeah. You need a lot of water, though. They grow.

You grow them in the ground. Yeah, but there's not a drought in Utah. It's not like it's a fucking- I mean, there's a reason why there's so much snow, Brian. That's precipitation. That's water. Wait, you can melt snow, can't you? Yes.

But I mean, it's coming down, right? It snows. Well, guess what? It also rains. That's precipitation. Wait, you can melt snow, can't you? But I mean, it's coming down, right? It snows. Well, guess what? It also rains. That's true. Yeah. You can grow things there. You see all those trees? Yeah, they use water. Yeah. Whenever you see a lot of woods, assume there's water. Yeah, probably, right? Yeah. I would imagine. Crazy. Maybe I should do some

thinking. Look at that. Look how pretty he's at. Where is that, Jamie? I don't know, but it's a big giant lake. God, it's so beautiful. I need a lake. I need a lake for water. Is that Colorado, is it? It's evergreen photos. It's probably somewhere.

God, it's an evergreen? Dude, I want to be able to live off the land. Livability. Click on that. What does it say about livability? Don't come here, ass fucks. Evergreen, Colorado. What you need to know.

Here it goes. Looking to move to Evergreen, Colorado? We've got everything you want to know about the key factors that can make it the best place for you, including Evergreen, Colorado real estate. Let's start with the basics. Evergreen, Colorado is located in Jefferson County, has a population of 8,688 people. That's a show. That's one show at a good-sized theater.

That's so true. Yeah. That's one show. That's not even a sold-out arena. Oh my God. We have a cool graph below that shows the city's ethnic diversity. None. I'll check that graph right now.

Zero. It's all white people. There's one black guy and they watch him closely. What kind of ethnic diversity? Let me see the graph. Evergreen? Let me see their graph. Evergreen? Let me see their graph. Let me see the graph about the diversity. This is a graph.

They hide the graph. Ditch the graph. Salt Lake has a lot of Tongan and Samoan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Salt Lake. Just giant. Salt Lake, the city, surprisingly diverse. I have a friend who moved there.

Medium household income, 79 grand. Nice. 389 grand for a house. Nice. Population, 8,600. So it doesn't have a diversity graph. They probably ditched that. One thing is like, hey, delete that. Oh, what does it say? Okay. It says ages. Does it say ethnicity? White. 97.5%. 1.4% Asian. Literally no black people. 2.9%. There's one black person.

Dude, 0.1% ethnicity other. Other. It doesn't even say black. Interesting. It says other. African-Americans, one of the most prominent races in this country. Yeah. And there, it's other.

Sounds like my animation. Go back to that. Stop scrolling. Look at that. That is crazy. Yeah. 97.5% white. Dude, 30 minutes to Denver, huh?

Yeah. Fuck. 30 minutes to Denver. I want to go to Evergreen. But you will get snowed in, bro. You will. Oh, yeah. Is it high elevation?

What's the elevation? 8,000 feet. That's a little high. It's high as fuck. And you're going to get snowed in. Not just snowed in, but like several feet of snow. That's a little problem for me. Like you ain't going nowhere, bitch. going nowhere bitch little problem. Is it really don't you just get a snowblower like a goddamn man?

Well put on a like get out like a beaver hat get Ronella to make you a beaver hat Yeah, I go one of them real hats. Yes, like the mountain man type. I want a coyote full-length coyote Yeah, I know it's mean I never like too much like dogs. They are on a coyote. No. I know it's mean. I never was a coyote. They're too much like dogs. You mean you want a coyote jacket or something? Yes. I mean, I know it's cruel and I don't want to kill coyotes, but they are very plentiful. These idiots are thinking about moving wolves into Colorado. That's not a bad idea, right?

Didn't moving wolves into Yellowstone increase the population of everything? No. No, it did not. Is that a lie? No. Yes, it is. It is. I watched that video. Oh, yeah. The wolves changed rivers. Yes. Yeah.

A lot of other factors that that guy didn't take into consideration in terms of moving rivers. One of the things was beavers. They imported beavers into Yellowstone. There's many, many factors. Okay. But they did reduce the undulate population, which you could say was out of proportion. What's an undulate?

Undulate is cows, elk. The undulate. Cows. Yeah. Ruminants. Ruminants. Ruminants. Ruminants.

Yeah, animals that eat grass. Ruminants, ruminants. Whatever it is. I like saying ruminant. Yeah. The animals that you hunt near an elk. And guess who else hunts them? Wolves, bitch.

Yeah. So it changed the way the elk behave. It reduced the population pretty substantially, but there's still a healthy population of elk in Montana and there's a healthy population of wolves and they actually hunt wolves now. They hunt wolves in Idaho. They hunt a lot of wolves. In some places they're trying to resist the hunting of wolves, but you got to kind of keep a balance. And if you're going to bring predators, you got to realize why they killed them all in the first place. They killed them all in the first place.

They killed them all in the first place because ranchers were losing all of their crops or all their cattle, rather. Look, I love wolves. Look, you can see I have pictures of wolves all over my wall out there. I'm a huge fan of wolves. But you can't raise lives. But I also am a big fan of wildlife biologists and the wildlife biologists that understand balance, the real ones, not the ones that are animal activists that only want animals to live and they only want everybody to eat tofu.

The ones that understand that there's a balance from predators and prey, and we miss that balance. That's why there's no mountain lion hunting in California. And people say, well, that's a good thing, sort of, but mountain lions are still getting killed in California. This is what we don't understand. Mountain lions get killed by state and federal agents who have to kill mountain lions because mountain lions are killing either people's dogs or cats or livestock. I didn't know that. All the time. They kill the same amount of mountain lions they would if they had tags.

Really? Yes. But the difference is the money doesn't go to the state But everybody feels good and the government feels warm and cuddly because it because somebody with a uniform is doing it They're doing it on the sneak tip instead of like some guy posing on Instagram like hugging you ever see the way they pose with Mountain lines kind of fucked up. They hold them up in the air to hug them. It's where they do that with wolves Yeah, let you know how big they are fucking well You know what a man they are that they shot this. Mountain Lion's delicious, by the way. It is?

According to everybody I know who's eaten it. Well, Ronello told me it's pretty tough. No, no, no. No? No. That's not what he said. He said it's superb. Really?

That's his words. It said superb. He goes it's like a superior pork. No. Yes. But they eat, they're 100% carnivores. Yeah. And supposedly delicious.

I can't think of any other animal we eat. Do we eat any animals that are total carnivores? Alligator? Yes. Alligator's delicious. Fish? Yeah, fish are 100% carnivores, but they're not really, you know, it's a thing. But what else animal-wise?

You don't eat any birds that are carnivores, but birds will eat. That is interesting, right? Yeah. Like, we don't eat eagles. If you eat an eagle, you'd be a real piece of shit. In the Old Testament, if you're a kosher Jew or if you're Islamic, if you're a Muslim, you're not

to eat things like eagles, osprey, but there was a very good scientific reason for that. Because you would get different pathogens. Parasites. Oh, for sure. Anything that eats live animals. But chickens eat They live on mealworm And they'll eat all kinds of shit

That's true But you're also supposed to Cook chicken past 145 degrees Yeah Because you're killing off parasites Yes And salmonella And all kinds of other shit

Right You know people eat raw chicken You gotta be out of your Fucking mind to eat raw chicken Ducks You know what a horse Will eat a chicken sometimes Really

Uh huh There's a video of it Whoa I know cows eat birds I didn't know a horse A horse ate a chicken Bring up that video Of a horse will eat a chicken sometimes? Really? Uh-huh. There's a video of it. Whoa. I know cows eat birds. I didn't know a horse ate a chicken. Bring up that video of a horse eating a fucking chicken. Thank you. Thank you for doing this.

And deer will eat. Oh, I've seen a lot of deer eating birds. They'll eat birds. I need that protein. Yeah, there was a net that they used to catch birds. Yeah. They set up this net. And I think they were studying birds.

And it's a humane way to catch them. They get captured in this net. And then they can release them from the net gently, and then they can set them free. Uh-uh. Deer would just find them in the net and eat them. God damn. Yeah, they'd just pluck them right out of the net. So interesting.

Cattle, too. They'd know where the net was. Like, oh, wonderful. Really? Now they'll chase these birds. Choo, choo, choo. Yeah. Here's a cow-eating one, too.

Yeah. We've played the horse before, too. Oh, a cow eating a chicken? Play that. It's a cow eating one, too. We've played the horse before, too. Oh, a cow eating a chicken? Play that. It's a horse eating one. Okay, here we go. There's a chicken running around. Oh, here's a chicken.

Oh, he's feeding? I'm just saying it almost looks like it. Really? Well, yeah, he's filming it. Horses don't fuck around. Oh, it's a little baby chick. Yeah, look, he's chasing that chick down. Oh, I'm looking out for you. That's so interesting.

That's a wrap, bitch. Chompa, chompa, chompa. No. Yeah, they just recognized protein. Yeah, my- Wow, he ate that quick. I used to have a pit bull. Patty's pit bull.

Chauncey, badass dog. I remember Chauncey. Love that dog. A great dog. Like an alligator. Like jaws on fucking, just with feet. There's a cow eating a chicken. God damn. Jesus Christ. Chewing it apart. A great dog. Like an alligator. Like jaws on fucking just with feet. There's a cow eating a chicken. God damn.

Jesus Christ. Chewing it apart. Oh my goodness. She got near a big horse, a Clydesdale. That horse put its head down and ran straight at that fucking dog. Really? And Chauncey was like, oh fuck, yeah. The size of a Clydesdale.

He was like, get the fuck out of my corral. What are you doing? He literally stopped and he went, really? Put his head down and went, and came, I thought she was going to die. She just dodged out of the way. She could have. There's a horrible video of this guy is, what is it called when you got a bunch of dogs pulling

you? Is it called mushing? Yeah, mushing. I did rod, yeah. Mushing? Mushing. Mushing or mushing? I mush. Do you mush or do you mush? I mush, personally. Okay. So this guy, it's really sad. This guy is getting pulled by these dogs and this moose runs

in front of him and just starts stomping his dogs. What? Yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible. There's nothing he can do about it. So this is not it. This is not it, but I'm sure this is probably a similar result. The other one was a cow moose. It was was a cow moose.

It was either a cow moose or it was... Let me see that one. I thought you were just clearing the path for them. Well, they will fuck up dogs. Moose attack sled dog team. 1990s. Yeah, that's not it. It's a recent one, but it's real. Anyway, it was real sad.

I saw it on Instagram. It killed a bunch of dogs? It killed a couple of them. One of them they had to put down after the fact because it broke its back. Damn. Yeah. I mean, a Milton Moose is an 1,800-pound animal. Not hearing a peep out of a pack of dogs.

Pack of dogs. That's like you getting in a fight with a hamster. Yeah. Just get the fuck out of here. Get out of here. Bink. Yep. Moose are so big, man.

Couple cheetahs pull them down, though. Cheetahs grab your balls, eat your balls first. Whoa. Then hamstring you. You know what they do that? Wolves do that, too man. A couple cheetahs pull them down. The cheetah will grab your balls and eat your balls first. Whoa. And hamstring you. You know what they do that? Wolves do that too. Lions will do that. Lions will do that with a water buffalo.

They'll attack the legs. Oh, they'll eat the ass. They'll eat your balls. They'll take your balls and start to bleed out. I'll take your balls, please. Can't protect your balls, buddy. Yeah, it's a stupid design, right? Yeah.

Just pull it up inside like a turtle. Tanks. They're just tanks. But sometimes they get tired. Yeah, if you go hunting, you should have a steel cup like a tie cup. Yes. One that goes through the butt like a G-string. I do anyway.

I do anyway. You should. I call that discipline. Just in case some wolf wants to try to bite your balls, he gets a mouthful of metal. I tie my dick down on my leg with a hemp rope just to keep me honest. A hemp rope? Yeah, keep me honest. And also organic. Yeah, Brian, what are you doing? Tying my dick down with a coarse

hemp rope. Why? Keeps me honest. Yeah, like, you know, those side holsters that people have sometimes, where they have a strap on their thigh? Yep. Because they have a long gun, and they want to keep it from flopping up against their thigh. Sure do. As you do with the hog. That's right. Sometimes I sprint with a hard-on. You ever try that? Naked? I've never run with a hard-on. Me neither. It we do with the hog. That's right. Sometimes I sprint with a hard on. You ever try that naked?

I've never run with a hard on. Me neither. It's amazing. I've lived all these years. Never ran with a hard on. I wonder how long your dick would stay hard if you were in a full gallop. It's a good question. It's a very good question. That'd be a great contest. Right. If like someone broke into your house and you were in the middle of sex and you were angry

but you kept your wood because you weren't scared. Just get your dick super hard and just go run. Just take a hair tie and just rubber band it to the bottom. Got to do that. Just keep the blood flow. Got to tie your piece down. Oh, yeah. You tie off at the end.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a cock ring. That's right. And then just go running after them. You just use a cock ring. With a big old heart on. Yeah, but who has a cock ring? Ah, fuck.

That's one of those things. It's like if you have it, what's wrong with you? Don't say that because you're going to get 50 emails of people with alligator cock rings. And I'll initial it for you. Hey, bro, there's nothing wrong with cock rings. Joe Rogan fucking experience. Let me show you how I make them. Just a cock ring.

You got Python? Yeah. Python cock ring? So many cock rings. They all exist. Yeah, like who's buying sex toys from stores these days? You ever drive by one of them sex toy stores and you're like, for real? It's a ghost town.

Who's in there? They're open still. Are those money laundering operations? Maybe, but the Hustler store is still open, I think, on Sunset Boulevard. Is it? That's more of a thing for you and your girlfriend to go in like, let's get this. Well, it used to be DVDs. I remember it used to be like, you remember when people used to buy porn DVDs?

There was a day, you fucking kids today are so spoiled. And VHS porn. Oh, yeah. Oh, I remember that. That was when I used to watch porn. You know what? I never, and this is all bullshit aside, and I'm not because I'm a good boy, I never watch porn.

I never, ever watch porn because it doesn't do a thing for me. Really? I don't know what it is. I just, I swear to God.

Because you're tired for fucking all the time. I thought about that the other day. I was like, I haven't watched porn in... Three days? Since I was 52.

I haven't watched porn in so many years. Because you're tired from all your fucking... Yeah, all my banging because I fuck.. I haven't watched porn in so many years. Because you're tired from all your fucking. Yeah, all my banging. Because I fuck. Because I fuck. Porn is an oddly polarizing subject. Because it's one of the weirdest things ever, if you really stop and think about it.

Because mostly everyone who's healthy enjoys sex. Whether it's straight sex or gay sex or what kind of sex you like. If you're healthy and you're young. if you're not young if you're healthy your body works well you like sex but yet filming it yeah it's so tap I know I think it's because taboo it is have when I thought a lot about that it's I think it's because we inherently know typically that the person doing it, putting themselves on camera, it is a form of suicide. And what I mean by that is it's a form of it's a way of ensuring that you keep yourself out of certain segments of society. Right. And maybe it's residue from when when sex was downright dangerous, pregnancy, disease that we didn't have cures

for. I think sex had to have a lot of taboos. Like even in the Old Testament, I think when the Israelites were not allowed to, you know, you couldn't take the women as slaves. You had to kill everybody. Well, the reason for that was unless they were virgins, because the reason for that was you could get a disease. And I can't remember who broke that down, but that was always a thing where people would get,

you'd go into a town and rape all the women and stuff, and then your soldiers would come down with some terrible syphilitic disease. And so in the Old Testament, the Israelites were forbidden from taking anybody who was of a certain age. That's another weird thing about sex. The diseases. Like, how many goddamn diseases come from fucking? And people seem fine. Yeah.

That's the thing. It's not like the flu. Or, you know, if someone's like, oh, my God, I have a fever. I'm sick. Can we fuck? It's not like that. I got the flu from Maggie, that dirty bitch. Like, wait, bro, she was in bed. She was sick. Can we fuck? It's not like that. I got the flu from Maggie. That dirty bitch.

Like, wait, bro, she was in bed. She was sick. You couldn't tell she was sick? Oh, I thought I'd be fine. Like, no. When I was younger, if you had a flu, I wasn't going to stop me. If I'm sick, I can't. I'd be like, I don't give a fuck.

Because you're terrible. But that's not my point. My point is people seem fine and they have a terrible disease. Yes. It's so weird. Yes. Like the flu is normal. Right.

Like you're sick. You got a temperature. Yeah. Oh, I don't want to be near you. I could catch that disease. But that's one of the weird things about this coronavirus in a lot of ways, right? Because they said, we were trying to figure out what the number is, but there's a large percentage, more than half are asymptomatic.

Right. Right? But they're carrying it. But they're carrying it. So like they seem fine, but they're spreading this horrible disease. That's weird, but that's sort of like some diseases, some VD, some of the clap. Yes. You know, syphilis.

Herpes. You can have herpes and never show symptoms. So you can have herpes simplex 2 and never show symptoms. You could be one of those fucking cats. And you could be carrying it. Just shooting dirty herpes ridden loads into people. And apparently all of us have been exposed to herpes. And if you get cold sores, from what I understand-

This is a type of herpes. On your lips, you have somewhat some immunity to the one on your genitals. Yeah. Yes. But you could transfer the ones from your lips to the genitals. Apparently you can. Every time I talk to a doctor... You can't fix that one. There's no... They don't have a vaccine

for herpes. No, they just have pills you can take. Oh, they never figured that out. I think they were working on it. There's too many people with herpes that just let it go. Yeah. It's some crazy number. It's like warts, too. There are different kinds of warts. Well, they have that out. I think they were working on it. There's too many people with herpes that just let it go. Yeah. It's some crazy number. It's like warts, too. There are different kinds of warts. Well, they have that now.

HPV, they do have a vaccine for that. Yeah. They do have a vaccine for that. And that's very important for women because women get it and they get cervical cancer. It's just the idea that all these diseases are passed on through sex is so strange. Well, if you think about it, you're coming in as close contact as is possible. Maybe you, bro. You're ingesting their fluids.

I like to get out of the room. When I come, I like to run into the bathroom. And clean immediately. I just shoot into the sink. Yeah, man. It's hard to... Yeah, but porn. We were talking about porn.

Why is there taboo? Typically, I think it's because people. I think it's a couple of things. I think porn people remind us of a darker animalistic side of ourselves we don't want to admit to. Right. So if I watch porn, I'm not going to admit that to a bunch of people I don't know yet. There's something shaming about watching other people have sex. There's something taboo about that.

So if I admit, so if I'm around somebody who reminds me of the fact that I, that's why I've always thought it would be the height of hypocrisy. Whenever people judge porn stars, it's like you judge porn stars. You watch porn. Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. Let's be honest. All of us watch it. All of us jerk off to it. I did. I did my

share of it. You stopped a week ago. My father one time looked at my iPad and he goes, the fuck is this porn, porn, what is it? My search history was so full of sin. Your dad was looking through your search? He was trying to, he put something in. He was snooping.

No, and he saw this. He goes, what is all this? I go, I go look. I looked at him. I went, I watched porn. He went like this. And he went on to, he was looking for something. You should really get uncomfortable with him.

What is your favorite to watch? Exactly. I don't listen. You know, I'm sure he does too. I'm sure everybody does. But here's the thing. Listen, you know, I'm sure he does, too. I'm sure everybody does. But here's the thing. When you're in a presence of porn people, typically, if you are if they're part of your crew, you're they remind people of sort of their darker side. And I think that's why they become. Also, by the way, though, the kind of person that's willing to do that might be more self-destructive usually than the average person in that sense. Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you always have to leave the door open to aberrations. But there was something that I read about. It was a real bummer. The number of women that get into porn that have been sexually molested is off the charts. Yes. that get into porn that have been sexually molested. Oh, my God. It's off the charts.

Yes. Although I've met, I'm thinking of two in particular. Alana Evans, who I got to know, who is as normal and as cool a fucking human being as it gets. She's just, I love her. She's a great person. She just is. And Asa Akira.

Asa is smart as fuck and a regular, I kept looking at her going what's going on here You're just insane. She's read everything. She's you know, she just seems incredibly Well adjusted but she has that side of her so I don't know she does ferocious gangbang. Yes Yeah, it's like our mascara is gone correct. She's covered in cocks not never never watched one of her points But yes, congratulations. Yeah, because one of her porns, but yes. Congratulations. Yeah.

Because you respect her. No. I'm just, I mean, I like her. I just haven't watched it. I got it. Maybe I will now. Maybe that'll break your three-day fast. Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah, I don't know. It's a weird one because it is sort of universally taboo, but yet almost universally consumed. Yeah. These are very contradictory things. It is. Very much. And Nicole Aniston, Stevie Blue Eyes, my boy, you know Stevie, he dates Nicole Aniston and now does porn with her.

No. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What? When did this happen? Stevie goes from crime to stand up to porn. He's doing porn with Nicole Aniston? With his girlfriend.

With his girlfriend. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. And again, very good businesswoman, has other investments. You talk to her and like she's gorgeous, but you'd never think, like I've had long, lucid conversations with this person. She's just not not it just doesn't make so Stevie's showing his cock to the world Stevie's got a fucking piece on a piece on

are you fucking kidding me does he call himself Stevie blue eyes in his porn I don't think so I don't know do you still let him open for you or is he I want to no I'd fucking I love that guy even after he does porn people see his I don't give a fuck you should be careful he's hilarious I don't give a shit this You should be careful. He's hilarious. I don't give a shit. This is not good. This is not good. It's a bad look. No, Stevie's always welcome.

You're a guy on television. I am. You can't have some porn star open for you. I definitely... Now I want him. I want him even more now. I use Malik. He should be a director.

I use Malik B. He's amazing. You should be a director and come in and dress like an old-timey director. How's an old-timey director dress? Think about that. Well, I would dress the way an old-timey director? How's an old-timey director dress? Think about that. Well, I would dress the way an old-time French director dresses, which would be I would have knickers, I would have boots, I'd have a beret, and I'd have a cane.

Cane, like a cattle, no, a riding crop. Yes! A fucking riding crop. So I'd be dressed like an equestrian, but I'm not an equestrian. Yes, like an equestrian. Yes. And maybe even have, instead of a beret, a hard riding crop. So be dressed like an equestrian, but I'm not an equestrian. Like an equestrian. Yes. And maybe even have a, instead of a bray, a hard riding hat. Yes.

And action. And scene. Why don't they, could they talk you into doing something where you don't have sex, but you are a comedic relief in a porn film? Would you be interested in doing that? I would do that. Maybe. Would you? Probably. Would ABC get mad at you? Are in doing that? I would do that, maybe. Would you?

Probably. Would ABC get mad at you? Are you on ABC? Yeah, I'm on ABC. ABC is very conservative. Yeah, well, they're owned by Disney. Yeah. Yeah.

But then again, hopefully they don't listen to The Fighter and Kid. Well, hopefully they don't listen to this. Yeah. Because we're trying to set it up. Action. I had a director one time. I was doing a scene,

and he goes, I don't believe you. He said, I don't believe you. I don't believe you. Brian, I don't believe you. I don't believe you. Was that Sex and the City? No, it was on Mad TV. Really?

A director on Mad TV is taking it seriously? I had a director on Oz say that. He goes, I can see you acting. He whispered, hey, I can see you acting. Try something different. I was like, fuck. Try something different? Yeah.

He was right. Well, you are acting. Yeah. You should I was like, fuck. Try something different? Yeah. He was right. Well, you are acting. Yeah. You should play dumb. I don't know what you're saying. I'm supposed to be acting, right? I should have stopped. If you don't want me to act, I'll go home.

What? You should have focused on stand-up. Yes. Well, you did eventually. I love it. But you like the acting, too. You're a weirdo. You like those people, too.

You secretly like those acting people the ones that i disdain i don't know about that bring them around sometimes and i get grossed out i don't know if that's true i have to slowly make my way to the door i don't think i brought any actors anymore how long ago it's been a while yeah you used to bring them around yeah and i used to be like hey what the fuck is this who's this guy get this Get this. I'm not comfortable on this guy. The guy would be right there. I don't want to be rude. I don't like this guy.

Bro, but you would bring the worst. Like full on liars, sociopaths, complete pathological liars. Liars. I collected misfits. But they would just lie about stuff. Maybe they were just nervous around you. But they would just make up stories though. You can't do that.

You can't just make up stories. No, you can't. And you know, someone makes up a story, and it's so obvious. You're like, what are you saying? But I would never pick up on it, and you would go like this. I remember one time where you and I were doing some, we were shooting something as a favor, and we were getting our makeup, and this guy was talking, and he was actually dating some porn chick, and you were listening to him, and in front of everybody, in front of him

and everybody, you went like this. You went, holy shit. What a bullshit artist. Wow. You're a real bullshit artist, huh? And it got all weird in the room. I was like, oh, here goes Joe. Here goes Joe hunkering down.

Well, when someone starts lying to you, just lying to you in front of a bunch of people. And I think I remember this story. I think the guy was very criminal, too. A little bit. It was something like, he was angling to get something out of us and lying. I was like, I know where this is going. You're trying to get something out of us and you're lying. Like, you're a bullshit artist.

Yes. And I was like, we're stopping this right now because you're going to dominate this whole day. And then you're going to want us to invest in something or give you money or there was some hustle. You stopped him right away. Yeah. Well, there was some gross sort of semi-aggressive hustle to what he was doing and he was lying to us. Yes.

And I was like, this isn't true. Yes. But you called him on it. And you can see your record scratch. It was great. Well, it was one of those moments where this whole day could go to shit because we're trapped in this building with his liar right there's so many of them out here that's so good to know i don't i don't have that antenna because i just trust people immediately well you that was an obvious yeah that was obvious that was obvious that was a criminal one

yeah there's some guys that are like, they're criminals. Sociopaths. Yeah, but they're angling. And if you don't stop it right there, they're going to get your number. They're going to get your email. They're going to get you this. They're going to get you this. I want to make this meeting.

I'm real tight friends with Tom Cruise or this guy or that guy. And it's always that. Yeah. Like name dropping. Yes. Like if you named, does that ever work? Does that work? No. That's the weirdest. Name dropping is one of the weirdest things that people do that doesn't work. Yes. Like if you named, does that ever work? Does that work? No. That's the weirdest.

Name dropping is one of the weirdest things that people do that doesn't work. Yeah. It's so sad and strange. But it doesn't work. No. But yet people do it. Yeah. It's a weird one.

Right? Yep. Like fame by association. Yep. It never works. It never works. Yeah. But people do it.

And then when people are like, yeah, you know, I'm real good friends with Leo. They're like, he's the first name. I don't want to be that guy that's the other i don't want to be all due respect but i don't want to be the good friend to the big celebrity unless you do something completely different you know unless you do something that's completely outside if you don't need that person if you're not part of their entourage yeah like maybe david sinclair talks, I was friends with you. That kind of thing. Yeah.

I know Brian Callen. I'm friends with him. I like that. And people are like, oh, well, you're a respected Harvard psychologist or biologist. Well, I got very excited when Lex Friedman came to my show. I mean, yeah, he's a fucking brainiac. He's a scientist. A legitimate genius.

And a black belt in judo and jiu-jitsu. Yeah. Yeah. Great guy. But that is, that's different. That's someone who's accomplished in a different realm. It's the people that are in that business that are like trying to be producers or trying to be a this or trying to be a that. It's like there's so much weirdness going on out here in terms of like people being inauthentic.

Did I tell you the story about how I was in Boston at the wilbur and then we went to this club i tell you where the there were this these three ethiopian guys and my buddy's girlfriend's ethiopian i tell you the story i don't think so oh so i'm with lex friedman black belt i'm with uh my other boy rob who's a black belt 64 230 i'm with brian cooley who owns Gracie Baja in fucking Nashville. He's 6'6", 270. Yeah, 6'6", 270. A Viking, a fucking Viking. Wears his hair in a ponytail, blonde, giant.

42 years old and still competes in jiu-jitsu. And then I got my boy Malik B., who came out of Mayweather's camp, boxed at Wild Card forever. He's been throwing a right hand since he was seven. And Malik has his Ethiopian girlfriend. And there are these four little Ethiopian dudes who are drunk and being shitheads and actually kind of dancing with the girls that are in the group. And they had to be pushed away a couple of times. Anyway, finally, the guy comes up to Malik and says, that girl belongs to us because she's our sister and you and Malik's black. But he's like fucking from Louisiana. Right.

And so Malik, who's been fighting his way, goes, what? And he goes, oh, Jesus. He didn't say anything. He's just too happy. He just goes, whatever. And I go, what did he say? And I go, what are you saying to us? And the guy goes, that's our sister.

She shouldn't be with you guys. She's with us. And the Ethiopian girl, Helena, goes, you're being disrespectful. So Brian Cooley said, they don't know that they're surrounded by literally four black belts, a great boxer, and then me, the idiot, the loud mouth, who's probably going to be the first guy to throw a punch because I'm insecure. So we're all there. And these four guys who are maybe 5'7", never done a sport in their life. And Brian Cooley just looks down at the guy and goes, hey, bro, you know the movie Jaws? Jaws?

And the guy goes, huh? And he goes, the movie Jaws. You know that movie? And the guy goes, yeah. And he goes, right now in this scenario, you're the girl. You guys are the girl swimming in the water. You understand? You're swimming in the water and you got no idea.

You're about to be pulled under. Do you understand what I'm saying? And he's just giant looking down. And then you see the other guy go, and he sees the circle kind of tightening and he just looks at everybody. He goes, he just goes like this. He goes, oh, gives a double thumbs up. At least he's smart.

Fuck yeah. And his friends are like, oh. And they were drunk. And just kind of moved away in a group. It would have been so bad for them. Men and egos. So bad for them. That's the greatest metaphor.

You know the fucking movie Jaws? Well, that's John Jock's metaphor. Oh, it is? Yeah, John Jock's metaphor for jujitsu. Oh, fuck. Yeah. He said, the ground is the ocean, and I I'm a shark and most people can't swim, you know, I train with Hagan Oh, he's great the best. He's got some very controversial system where he's teaching

People celebrities jiu-jitsu and giving them belts, but they don't really spar. Well, they're celebrities. I will always spar Here's the thing. He teaches me he taught me a lot of Greco, like Greco stuff, which was really cool. I love that shit. Higgins is a beast, man. Oh, my God. In 2003 in Abu Dhabi, I was doing time for him in Sao Paulo. I was holding the time. He yelled out, tell me how much time, because he wasn't in the best of shape.

So he would, like, conserve his energy. Of course. He's just so technical. He could get away with you know beating like really good guys without being in tip-top condition i'm sure you ever see the video of him rolling with hickson fighting with hickson no yeah there's a famous jujitsu film it's in black and white and it's probably from shit 89 or 1990 or some shit like pre-ufc and they're in rio and at a jujitsu uh a jujitsu tournament back when there was no jujitsu here's well what year is this he can what does it say he can have

360 jamie just it just said 86 86 look at this 86 man so this is like wow when i was just getting out of high school wow it's hickson on the bottom, Higgin on top. Look at how relaxed Higgin is. Dude, they had a battle. Dude, Higgin at the time was a fucking beast. Higgin's way bigger than Hickson, by the way. He is. He is.

He is. And this is a real battle. It's a really interesting match to watch as well because they're both so technical. Higgin studied so many other things. He was an amateur boxer for a long time, but he did a lot of wrestling with guys. He rolled to try to get Hickson's back. He keeps getting Hickson's back, but he gets shook off. Oh, shit.

He rolls him over. Yeah, Higgins was a big fella. He was a big fella. Yeah, big and strong, 210 to 220. Look at this, though. Hickson on top. Wow. Hickson rolled him.

I mean, these guys, they really went for it, too. It was a really wild sort of a match with a lot of scrambles. I didn't know this. Yeah, you should watch it. It's really interesting. I didn't know it was 86. I would have guessed it was 90 or 91. Now, the game has changed so much since, right?

It has. But not fundamentals. Yes, but the guys who have exceptionally sharp fundamentals still dominate. Like Hodger Gracie. You know, Hodger's never been a guy who adopts, like, the new aspects. Look at that beautiful sweep by Higgins. But Hicks encountered. Hodger's never been a guy who adopted a lot of the crazy new techniques.

Hodger's, like, Roger Gracie is all, actually he calls himself Roger or Hodger, I'm not sure, but he's like straight up old school, armbar, pass, triangle. Just that system of fundamentals. Yeah, the fundamentals. The fundamentals are a good way to say it. If you watch really good wrestlers,

they do the same, like high level wrestlers, they're still doing ankle picks, they're still controlling the head and the hips. They're still double and single-legging. Jean-Jacques has a way of talking about it. He said, the more jiu-jitsu I know, the less I use. Wow. Yeah.

He says, I use like five things. Yeah. It's timing. Yeah. Did you ever see when Jean-Jacques first started competing in Abu Dhabi? It's timing. Yeah. Did you ever see when Jean-Jacques first started competing in Abu Dhabi?

He was one of the first gi champions to do no-gi and be really successful because Jean-Jacques was born with a genetic deficiency in his left hand. He doesn't have a left hand. He just has a thumb. Right. And so because of that, he never relied on grabbing things. He never relied on grabbing the gi. He relied on a more Greco-Roman-based style of underhooks and underhooks. So when he would roll with those guys, it's like, good, there's nothing to grab.

I never grabbed anything anyway. Wow. And so he would just dominate people. Even guys like Sakurai, who's a top-level MMA guy, just fucking ran through him. Sakurai. Sakurai. Hayato Sakurai, who was like a beast back in the day. Yeah, he ran right through them.

He ran right through a bunch of guys. So cool. Yeah. And it's, you know, those guys that do that style, like Jean-Jacques style, it's the same way, man. He's never been like a guy who does a lot of wild, fancy stuff. Yeah. But there's a lot of guys who do wild, fancy stuff that are like super successful with that too. Look, there are great boxers, great boxers that use ones and twos the whole fucking fight oh yeah they might throw two hooks yeah sure i mean

you know just just finding something what's that bruce lee expression don't beware of the man who knows 10 000 techniques beware of the man who knows one thing that he's practiced well it's like the book of five rings miyamoto Musashi talks about the practicing. Real sword fighting literally is reaching and you have time for one strike. Yeah. Like, shpap. And that's what he would practice over and over. Yeah.

I mean, he said very rarely does ever a fight, a sword fight, go to a duel. Like a ching, ching, ching. That doesn't happen. And that shit is like, it's final. When Musashi fought so many people, he'd get bored, and he'd start fighting people with oars. What? Yeah, he made wooden swords out of oars,

and he would fight people with oars. Well, he had a famous school where they would practice, where it was basically as realistic practice as you get. Yeah. He said the only way to practice for that is that mindset. God damn. Imagine realistic practice with swords. He would do things like get you, like if you were about to think,

he would turn you toward the sun so the sun was in your eyes. Oh yeah. He was very, and he would also show up really late. Really? He was into showing up really late. And use two swords? Yeah. Hours late. Yeah. Hours late. So you'd be freaking out for hours while he's taking a nap. Damn. Because the guy would be waiting on the beach and then he would show up

hours late and he wouldn't even have a sword. Just use an oar and fuck you up with an oar. What? Yeah, because oars are longer. So you got this sword and you stand there with a sword and this guy comes out with a long stick and just fucking cracks you over the head with it. It's not a good thing. Well, he was a big

man too. He was an interesting guy, man. I mean, to understand what it takes to defeat more than 60 men in one-on-one combat well it's also not combat this is life and death shit this is like you know a sword play getting cut with a sword's not swords are not terribly forgiving bullets are more forgiving than is a sword yeah in a lot of ways yeah Yeah. You're not walking away from a bloody throat. It's also a very personal way to fuck somebody up.

Dude, you can hear, you feel and hear and see them breathing. I mean, everything. Someone's head just falls and their body's still standing up. God damn. And their body collapses. Or you cut their arm off. Oh! Yeah, imagine living in a day where that

shit was going on all the time. France. In France, there were so many duels. People would walk around with swords and there was a time in France where just, you'd see people with like, they'd lose, they'd have no ear, they'd have constant scars. That was like a sort of a badge of honor for Nazis.

Nazis had dueling scars. Really? Did you know that? No. Oh my god. Pull up Nazi dueling scars. Really? Did you know that? No. Oh, my God. Pull up Nazi dueling scars. Now, here's where it gets really weird. A lot of the Operation Paperclip scientists that the United States brought over from Nazi Germany. When Nazi Germany was defeated in World War II, the United States took on all their scientists and brought them over to work for NASA.

Wernher von Braun. all their scientists and brought them over to work for NASA. Right. Wernher von Braun. Wernher von Braun, the head of NASA, was a fucking straight up, complete 100% Nazi. In fact, the Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today, they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity. Right. I mean, he was a real Nazi.

Yep. Him and his cabinet, all those fucking guys they brought over, they had all these massive cheek scars. Really? Yeah, they had scars all over brought over the hall, these massive cheek scars. Really? Yeah, they had scars all over their face. From dueling? From duels. They would wear goggles, and they would wear some kind of protection on their body, and their faces would get sliced open.

Wow. And they relished it. It was like a cool thing to have, like a big scar on your face. So who showed us that? Do you remember who showed us that do you remember i don't know but as i'm doing that something popped up that i hadn't seen before it's actually called modern academic fencing or the mensur in german i love uh but pull up slightly different though they're not just like fighting to fight yeah there's no winner or loser in it well that's

interesting but this what i want to see is just pull up the images of Nazi dueling scars because they're horrific. Like these guys, like post-duel. Look at that one guy with the goggles on with his face slashed open. See that down there? Yeah, look at that. Fuck. Look at that. They'd cut their face like that.

Dude. Yeah. So you'd have something that covers your nose and your eyes. And look at it. He's got a giant slash in his forehead, a giant slash in his face. They're using real weaponry. Yeah. See that guy with the blue arrow on his face like that kind of those scars on the faces they would all have those wow click on that that guy with the uh right there look at that

they all had those kind of scars on their face from dueling it was a big look at that guy below him lower right below him no right below him right below him the big image the big yeah right there Right below him. No, right below him. Right below him. The big image? Yeah, right there. Jesus. Look at that guy's face.

See, they all had those kind of scars on their face, and it was like to let everyone know these were bad motherfuckers that would have duels with swords. That's crazy. Yeah, it was really, really common, man. Mensur. Is that what you're talking about, Jamie? Yeah, yeah.

M-E-N-S-U-R. What's that stand for again? It's academic fencing. So like they're – talking about, Jamie? Yeah, yeah. M-E-N-S-U-R. What's that stand for again? It's academic fencing. So like they're... It was in college they did all this. I bet. Yeah. Fucking crazy, man.

The bragging scar. Mensur scars or the bragging scar. Yeah. But there's some horrific pictures of these guys like post-match where they were trying to piece their face back together again and you could see like they're literally like see inside their face see their teeth and everything because their cheeks been split open damn yeah and it was really common and so a lot of the nazis that they brought over from operation paperclip to run nasa had these

fucking scars on their faces so they'd be sitting there with Wernher von Braun and JFK, and you'd see this guy with this giant face scar. Yeah. It's crazy. Swords, man. Yeah, and they had those long, I think it was called, what did they call it, a rapier or something like that? Rapier, yeah.

A rapier. Oh, it calls it parisier. It's a different version of it. But they had those long, point swords you get you know it takes this yeah and your nose is gone yeah fuck that but they all like wanted to get scarred up of course it's like a cauliflower i guess it's it's all it's all as old as time it's as old as time young men yeah young men wanting to be wanting to prove look at that they went into battle young men go into battle with full of ideas of linear ideas of duty and honor and glory and then unfortunately war can many times make a mockery of that war is obviously a fog and insane

and and chaotic and unfair and not linear and crazy and horrifying and all those things and and and lacks dignity and all those things you know you see that a lot it seems it seems to me that when a lot of soldiers i've spoken to had real combat experience when they come out of that they it's very difficult for them there's a lot to come to terms with. And sometimes they have a lot of trouble bringing their life back into a linear way of thinking. How could it go from one way of life where everything is life and death? Yeah. Every corner you turn around, it could be the end.

Every day that you're out there could be the end. Well, we, as that's one thing, life and death is, again, linear and bilateral. But, you know, there are a lot of things that happen. What do you mean by linear when you're saying that? There are certain concepts. When we as human beings, I think most of us have a contract with life. You grow up and you say, if I work hard and I keep swinging, it's going to pay dividends, right? And most of us live that way. Most of us believe in fair play.

Something about the universe is somewhat fair the universe rewards hustle the universe rewards you know we have these ideas and we have to believe in those ideas and usually we're right about it right it's almost like um we we enter a game where we know i can jab and i can punch and i can hook but sometimes you get fucking kicked in the face and you go, but that wasn't the role I was playing with. You know, it's like, hold on. I was boxing. You're doing MMA.

Right. And life does that to you. War can do that to you to a point where you lose your faith in who wrote Where the Wild Things Are. I never forgot. He said, they said, are you a religious? And he said, no, I'm an atheist. The war took care of that for me. You know, he saw too many things. He saw too many children starve and die and all those things. And I think that when things get bad enough in

war, when you get that close to reality and that close to that chaos, whatever contract you had gets shattered. In fact, it gets mocked. You are mocked by the insanity of it all. And any notion, so when I say linear, what I mean is sort of like, I'll do this if you do this for me. So it's a give and take, cause and effect. Did you ever see Unforgiven? I did. I love that movie. Do you remember when he kills Gene Hackman and Gene Hackman can't believe that he's going to die? It's not supposed to happen to him. That's what they say sociopaths. When sociopaths get convicted of life, oftentimes what happens is they look up and they go,

what? Wait, what? Me? And it all comes down because what a sociopath like that, a criminal sociopath usually believes is it's impossible. They'll never get caught because they're too smart. Is it because they're too smart or they think the world revolves around them and so the idea of them being punished? Both of those things.

Well, Hitler, according to a historian, I can't remember his name, Buchholz, he said, I think it was John Buchholz, said, Hitler was so colossally self-involved, self-centered, that he truly believed that when the war was lost, and he came to the realization the war was lost, he expected Germany to self-immolate. He expected Germany, all Germans, to burn themselves, to kill themselves and light themselves on fire, essentially. He expected that from the German people because he was going to do it. He actually said that? Yes.

And he was going to do that. That is, according to Buchholz, the historian who follows this stuff. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And that's not uncommon for the great sociopaths, the great, you know, I mean, if you think about Genghis Khan, he truly believed that and almost did that he could dominate and own the entire world. These people like Alexander the Great and those kind of people who were clearly, I'm sure their enemies didn't think of them as so great. But they had this force of nature, this ability to believe in themselves to the point where they were going to own the world. And some of them almost did. Well, if you think about it, any kind of thing where you're trying to conquer something,

say if you have a small tribe and there's another tribe that's close to the river and they have more resources and you're in dispute with them and you try to conquer that tribe, that is one level of this game. We're going to get our warriors together. We're going to sneak in the middle of the night. We're going to attack them. Maybe, but the point is there's that level. So let's not call it a game, but let's say this is an endeavor. This is a thing that you're doing.

With anything that anybody does, some people take it way further Right like some people try an open mic night, and they go this is kind of interesting I'll do stand-up every now and then they do it once a month other people they get obsessed They do it every fucking day And they do ten sets a day and they live in New York City And they take fucking cabs everywhere and ubers and they do you know and they live it. They're like Mark Norman right they live it That's the same thing with war it It's the same thing with everything. Same thing with fighting. Yeah.

Same thing with everything. Yeah. You know, some people just, they become obsessed. It becomes everything. It becomes their everything. And they don't care about anything else. They don't care about other people. They don't care about the environment.

Yeah. That's trying to get really good at something. But I think some people try to literally remake the world in their image. I think so too. But I think that obsession carries on. I think the obsession to conquer a neighboring tribe or to take over a town or to conquer a city or a country or a continent. There's just weird things that people do where they take things as far as they can be taken. And they do that even with war.

That scares the shit out of me with China. It really does because they... Oh, here's something I wanted to talk about. I don't know. This is something I sent you, Jamie, that 20 million cell phone users are missing from China. Where does that stat come from? Is that an American stat? million cell phone users are missing from China. Where does that stat come from? Is that an American stat?

They don't know. They don't know if this means there's 20 million casualties, because it also coincides with their switch to 5G. They switched from 5G in January. So from January to March, China lost 20 million cell phone users. Now what does that mean though? It's hard to tell. But I think you could safely say, whatever they say the casualty number is, is bullshit. That's pretty safe, because they've been bullshitting left and right about the whole thing.

They go on Twitter, there's some branch of the government that's involved in propaganda that's trying to say this is a United States government creation. Of course. The Chinese are incredibly practical. The Chinese, you know, a lot of people, and I'm speaking of the government, of course, but I think when you live in a society that has been essentially communist or really at the mercy of a central authority and the all-powerful central authority for so long. Forever. Forever. It's also that's a side that treated religion

with great disdain and suspicion. So they didn't really have, even though there are small pockets of these different, but for the most part, I think when you forcibly rid a population of religion, what you are left with is something that takes its place. Sure, an ideology like communism or whatever, but they're not really communist anymore. But I do think what happens is you get a population that deals in practicality, that is, I'm sure, very good to each other when they know somebody, but also deals in things like cause and effect. Not so much the over... One of the things a friend of mine, I'm speaking for a friend of mine who does a lot of business,

billions of dollars business with China, and another friend, in fact, who does a lot of business with China and did so and speaks fluent Chinese. Both of them had something, an interesting observation, which was that when you speak about morality in a Judeo-Christian way, when you think about, you can say, well, that's just the wrong way to do it. That in dealing in business with a Chinese company is not necessarily, that's not really the way to approach business. They are way more practical than that. That doesn't mean that the average Chinese person is not moral or ethical. I don't know.

But certainly you will get burned if you are playing by the rules that you are used to, which would be just don't do it because it's not the right thing to do. That's not going to find its way a lot of times when you're dealing in commerce with China. Well, you're dealing with a military dictatorship who thinks about things the same way they think about war. Correct. They are not our ally. They are, I believe, they are our enemy. I mean, they'll do whatever they can, I think, to get an upper hand. They also now have enough wealth,

and they have a huge middle class where they can almost start, they starting to become way more self-sufficient they don't we don't have the symbiotic relationship we used to with China China doesn't need our consumers as much as they did not even close they have their own consumers in their own country what's weird is that we need them what's weird is how much we need them for the manufacturing of medicine 97% of all our antibiotics are made in China. That is so crazy. It's stupid. How did we ever let that happen? China and India.

And a lot of the raw materials. How did they ever let that happen? Is it because they can save money? It's more efficient. Is it more efficient or is it more cost effective? They're better at making it. But why? Because they're-

Do they have magic? No, yes, but- Then why can't we do it? Their factories are amazing. They're incredibly efficient. But the Chinese- See, people worry about the Chinese. I don't think they'll ever be in our area code as innovators. They steal from us.

They take our intellectual property, et cetera. But that'll always be a catch-up game. Yeah. And part of the reason, I think, is that I love the quote from Why Nations Fail. I believe China, yes, they put their Uyghurs in concentration camps. I went to Beijing. The first thing they said is you cannot speak about the government. If you say anything about the government, you will be sent home.

Oh, and by the way, here's a cell phone, Brian. You can use WeChat. You're not using your iPhone. When was this? This was when I did a movie this summer, two summers ago. So they gave you a phone to use. Uh-huh. And they said you can't use your phone.

And you don't get on Google. You have to find thousands of firewalls. You have to find all different ways to get over their firewalls because they control the internet there. Make no mistake. So can you use a VPN? I don't know what that is. Virtual Private Network or ExpressVPN? You try to do that and then they block that too.

So you have to keep coming up with new ways. I was right there with the production designer and assistant who was dealing with that issue. So you're essentially at the mercy of their news. Of course. So here's the thing. There's a great quote and I've said it before probably even on this podcast and I love it. You can hold a gun to a man's head and make him move a box or a rock. You cannot hold a gun to a man's head and make him have a great idea.

And as long – any country. That's a great quote. It's a great quote. So China, Russia, you guys have great weapons and you have great power in manufacturing. You will never be a country of great ideas because you oppress people and people can't give you motherfuckers the finger. Xi is the most powerful man in China along with his people, his inner circle. And if you in any way... Look at the whistleblowers.

Isn't it interesting the whistleblowers, the original whistleblowers on the coronavirus are dead and they were doctors in their 30s. Did they die of the disease? Did they? Or what happened? Yeah, that's a real good question. A lot of the journalists and a lot of those doctors were disappeared. They just didn't, they're dead or they disappeared. China can do that. And somebody who lived there for their whole life, I was there, and he was an American and said, people get disappeared here all the time, dude. You don't speak against the government. It just doesn't happen. And I think that's one of the great evils.

And that's what I worry about. Anytime we have a pandemic like this where the government can just shut you down. Yeah. At the behest of scientists and doctors, I suppose. But I get very worried when someone like Gavin Newsom can say, nobody's going back to work for a month. I'm not saying that right now that isn't a sound policy. I just get very worried when the government has that kind of power to shut all of us down without a discussion. Once they start with that kind of totalitarian power, it's very difficult to turn that off. That's right.

It's for our own good. If you study history, it's always for the people's good. Well, that's what Edward Snowden is warning everybody about this now. He should be. Yeah. Hitler, when he came to power, talked about that. He said, this is when I think there was a fire in the Reichstag and he used these emergency- Yeah.

He used these emergency powers to suspend civil liberties. They started the fire so that they could do that. There you go. It was a false flag. There you go. Yeah, they did that. It's the same way Nero burned Rome. Yeah. Same reason. Yeah. To suspend civil liberties. They started the fire so that they could do that. There's a false flag. There you go. Yeah, they did that. It's the same way Nero burned Rome. Yeah.

Same reason. Yeah. It's the age old... Well, that's what the conspiracy theorists think that 9-11 was. Yeah. Yeah. Good for them. I don't mind their... I appreciate their paranoia.

I think that's American. Yes. I don't think that's a bad thing, and I think you should always be. What's the fundamental question to political philosophy? The fundamental question? Who governs the governor? Yes. Very important.

Yes, very important. Who the fuck governs? Who's governing the governor? Yes, yeah. I don't trust my government, and I shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. It's also like people that have power, like the kind of unchecked power that you see in China, they're not going to give that up. They're going to fight for it.

Well, you see that with career politicians. You see that with this bill that they're trying to pass to help people that are dealing with this coronavirus because they can't work and they're slipping all kinds of stuff in there. Of course! AOC and Bernie Sanders, they're all trying to... Yeah, they're all slipping things

in there about the environment. Of course. It's like, hey guys, we want to fucking solve a problem. Slipping into the stimulus package. Yes. But that is something that politicians do. They utilize this moment to try to use it to leverage their own causes, their own pet causes, the things that they think are also important.

There were a group of people that did that with the invasion of Iraq. When 9-11 came along, they said, look, Iraq is harboring al-Qaeda terrorists. They probably are getting weapons into the hands of people like al-Qaeda. There was a whole story that was woven up. And that was a way of essentially crippling the fourth largest army in the world, which was Iraq, and making our allies sick. Did you ever hear the Bill Hicks bit? He he goes they said bill iraq is the fourth largest army he goes yeah but after the first three there's a real big drop off he's like the fifth largest is a salvation army it's so true yeah he had a whole great bit about the size of armies.

Well, we were in Afghanistan for... How long was it, guys? 18 years? Yeah, how long did that bit go? He goes, hey, Bill, they say, Bill, it's a war when there's two armies fighting. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, but Bill, Iraq is the fourth largest army in the world. Doesn't mean we won't stay there.

He had some great bits, man. Some great points about shit. Yeah. Thought outside the box. That's what I'm always amazed at is how these things can carry on. Somebody did a really cool, funny thing about how every general in the Iraq, in the Afghanistan theater, general in the Iraq, in the Afghanistan theater, every single year would say, we are at a turning point where the Taliban will be under our control. Every time they would make a case for the Iraq war, more money, I'm sorry, for the Afghan war, more money, more logistics, all those things that

required more troops, the generals would say, we are, it was always the same wording, we're at a turning point and we are going to, we just need a little more. And that's- Well, that's what they have to say. Yeah. But what's interesting is if they really did accomplish that, they'd actually cut off the honeypot.

Of course. They wouldn't have the money coming in. And that's the darkest conspiracy ever, that war is prolonged in order to prop up the military-industrial complex. And what's really crazy about the military-industrial complex is when there was Eisenhower talking about it on TV, which was really terrifying. That was when the first people were introduced to this concept. But Trump was talking about it recently.

Trump's doing this thing. He's like, well, there's a military's a military industrial complex and these guys want to go to war. Like, he's just saying it sort of casually. Like, hey, man, who are you talking about? Like, who are these fucking people? There's a lot of money in it. Oh, my God.

And not only that, there are other people, non-governmental organizations, too, that get raided by their burn rate. So we're going to build a dam here. Well, we don't need a dam here, but we're going to build it anyway because we're all out of that money. There's a lot of that goes on. That's why with conspiracy theories, I'm way more apt to believe that the government is way more incompetent than it is competent. It's just a massive bloated bureaucracy that doesn't run well. That's a little bit of it.

I know, guys. I know there's a group of people controlling everything. The fuck out of here. There's a little bit of that. There's definitely a lot of incompetence, but there's also a lot of collusion. There's also a lot of people doing things specifically because they know it's profitable. You can make money. Yes. Yes. And it also, look what they're doing to Bernie Sanders to try to keep him from winning the

DNC or from winning the Democratic nomination. They've conspired and they put a guy who literally is going senile. That's what's shocking to me. In front of our eyes. That's what's shocking. And they're trying to pretend it's not happening. How about Amy Klobuchar? She's great.

She didn't know who the president of Mexico was. She had no idea what his name was. But she's doing an interview with a guy from Mexico, a journalist. But she's a smart woman who, like, I just think she's way more moderate, and she seems articulate. You need some of this. But she's a smart woman who... I just think she's way more moderate and she seems articulate. You need some of this. But Biden's 79. Listen, just because someone seems articulate doesn't mean they should be the president. True.

If you don't know who the president of Mexico is, maybe you haven't done enough studying. Yeah. Do you know who the president of Mexico is? I have no idea. I'm not trying to write for president. I barely know the guy from Canada, the Trudeau guy. I just know him because he's been busted with blackface. I'm like, LOL.

Well, his father was the longtime premier. Yeah. Listen, man, I don't think anybody should be president. Really? Yeah. No, I think it's a terrible idea. I think there's no way you really can be responsible for all those things. There's no way you could really be well-read on all the different variables and everything when it comes to economics, when it comes to the environment, when it comes to military

operations, when it comes to the fucking energy and industry. There's no fucking way one person. It should be a large group of people that essentially have no stake in the game. It should be people that have no ability to profit whatsoever. They get a healthy income, and they cannot profit outside of that. There should be some sort of a regulation. And then after you're gone, it should be impossible for you to make speeches to banks where you get paid a half a million dollars. Well, there's supposed to be a cooling-off period.

And Elizabeth Warren wanted a two-year cooling off period. I think right now there's only a six-month or an eight-month. Like if you work for the Department of Defense, you can't go back to Raytheon or Boeing. You're not supposed to be able to go back for at least two years. Oh, great. And vice versa. So two years, you go, man, two years, I'm going to be so rich. Exactly.

Oh, boy. 24 months goes by quick. Yes, it does. It should be 200 years. I agree. It should be a large- It should be like the Scientology contract, where it's billions and billions of years. You can never do it.

Do you know that? That's the Scientology contract? Yes, I know. It's a billion-year contract. That's a wonderful contract. Yeah. It's enforceable. Yeah.

Fucking one billion. One billion years. One billion. Yeah, man. I don't know. Not that there's anything wrong with Amy Klobuchar. Look, I think Tulsi Gabbard was the most interesting of all of them to me, and they shut her out quick.

As soon as she sank Kamala Harris, they injured her. Why did they shut her out, though? Because of the Kamala Harris thing. They wanted Kamala Harris to win, and she sank her in one debate when she stated all those irrefutable facts. And everybody's like whoa she's throwing bombs she did didn't she they they fucking cut her out of the mix after that

they cut her out of the mix quick it's interesting man because it's obviously not let's see who the people choose it's let's manipulate the opinions of the public This is what the whole game of running a campaign is. Let's prop someone up. Let's make them look great. Let's have these ads with wonderful music and them standing there looking presidential. And then even in spite of all that, you've got this poor guy in Joe Biden

that is experiencing dementia. Is he 77? How old is he? Yes. And Bernie's older than him. Bernie's 80. He had a heart attack, right? He had a fucking heart attack while he was on campaign. That's a big problem.

Took a few days off and was like, we're back. Yeah. We're back in for the people. Look, Bernie at least believes what he says. He's also, though, one of the knocks on him is people like he's not interested and if you ask him how you're going to pay for all this you're talking about bernie looks at the world as right and wrong and it's a moral issue for him so and he is and he did take his honeymoon in the fucking soviet union say what you will i do believe the guy is essentially a closet communist

yeah i said it son of a bitch i said it said it. And I always marvel at socialists. It's not- Democratic socialists. It's a different- But I still marvel at the idea that if you really trust government, again, it comes down to are they as efficient as the marketplace? In some ways, they might be. But in other ways, they may not be.

I don't know how- They're not doing a great job with the homeless situation in California, are they? It's the worst job ever. Yes. They really fucked that up. There are a lot of bad, worse jobs. I don't know if you can blame that on Democratic Socialists. That's blamed on, it's actually a law that you can't remove someone from a place unless

you have another place to bring them to. Yes, yes. And it was a law to protect poor people and people that were harassed. And then it became a homeless law. And now you go into the underpasses. And this is my thing that I've always said, like, how come it's okay to litter for them? Like they're basically littering. They have junk stacked up.

If you throw a fucking coffee cup, rightly so, out a window, the cops should be able to pull you over and give you a fucking ticket. Yeah. And you should have to pay that goddamn ticket. But if you are just tent and you have boxes and shit and cardboard all over the place, you're allowed to do that and people have to leave you alone. It's not good for them. It's not good for anybody to allow these gigantic homeless encampments

to appear under bridges. And I don't know what the solution is, but I just think that alone, like if you put that on the governor or the president or the mayor, God damn, that's a problem. That's a problem that's going to take so much money. It comes from opiates. It comes from mental illness. They're already 40 or 50 or whatever they are. What problem that's going to take so much money. It comes from opiates. It comes from mental illness. Tell me that.

They're already 40 or 50 or whatever they are. What, are you going to fix them? Do you know how hard it is to fix a person who's kind of got their shit together? I know. How hard is it to get Bert Kreischer to stop drinking? It's so fucking true. How hard is it to get a person who's got their shit together but has a problem? Yeah.

Like can't stop smoking cigarettes. Can't stop gambling. Yeah. How many fucking people do you know that are like that? I know. All of our friends have one thing that they're just fucking compelled. Now imagine compounding that to 70,000 people that are at the bottom end of it. So instead of at the top end of it, someone who makes a good living, who has a family,

and has life insurance, and is also a fuck up. Instead of that, you've got someone who's never had anything. And people have been fucking them over their whole life. And they've been on drugs since they were young. And they were sexually abused and physically abused. And they went to juvenile home. And maybe they were in foster care. And they were beaten and abused.

And then here they are at 40. Their brains literally changed. Yes. There's an amazing fucking book by this guy named Joe Newman called Raising Lions. I just read it. Man, I wish I'd read this book when my kids were three. This guy, they bring this guy in. So in the past, I don't know if you know, it's been in the past 10 years, bipolar disorder in children has been diagnosed 40 fold. Jesus Christ. Now that doesn't mean, and you know what the solution is

typically in the psychiatric ward, medication, medication, then medication. That's the third option. And Joe Newman comes in a lot of times, the fucking great book. And he comes in and essentially will say, this kid's throwing tantrums and is impossible to deal with because he is profiting or she is profiting from that behavior. There is a, there is, there are kids are way smarter than you think they are. And he instills sort of a very, very interesting approach that I've used and that, that it's, it's, I fucking love the book. It's a short, small book, but when you think about, without going into the book and stuff, the reason I bring it up is when you think about, you can change, you can literally change a child's brain

by with, with instilling certain behaviors, certain boundaries, certain protocols as a parent, as an adult, as an educator, because what you do is you get them to exercise self-control. You get them to exercise a form of mood stabilization for themselves. But you have to do it in a certain way when you don't do that with children, when you let them go crazy, freak out and put them in isolation rooms, a lot of times what we'll do is, there's nothing we're doing wrong. We're not doing anything wrong as adults. We're reasoning with them. We're talking to them.

No, no, no. What we'll do is we'll medicate them because they're out of control. And there is a window with children where you can actually let them keep going down that path and they are basically, and then you put them on these mood stabilizers. You put them on psychotics. You put them on anticonvulsive drugs. Sometimes they're on four medications in a row. And he's had great success coming in and changing all that because what happened was you just weren't getting the kid to exercise the muscles of self

control and there's a way to do that it's very simple a very interesting book but what i'm saying is that there is a fucking window with kids where if you don't get to certain kids at a certain time with a good behaviorist you're in deep fucking shit and and their whole life spirals out of control and then it goes into substance abuse and everything else so you're talking about now adults who've had all that abuse? I mean, I don't know what you would do. I really don't know what the fuck you would do because they're self-medicating to begin with.

They're self-medicating to begin with. They've been addicted to drugs most of their lives or all of their behavior has been formed while they're addicted to drugs. This is a giant problem with people that are in their 40s and fifties who've been drug abusers their whole life. Like imagining a world with no drugs and no escape from reality and having to be accountable for your actions. And then also having to deal with the, the, the things that have been done to you and to try to try to figure out a way to heal from your childhood and your life is over your your your body's starting to fail you right you've been abusing yourself for all

these years and the idea that there's some simple solution to dealing with 70 000 people at various stages of that that are currently homeless some some of them that that may be able to recover pretty quickly they're just on the street for a little bit they're going get their shit together and they're gonna get out of this they're determined There's a lot of people like that. Yeah, I think people vary why of course they do they do they vary so much but the addiction rate if you look at the people that really follow this the addiction rate and Amount of mental illness is very high and I think that I this is where I I think like in Singapore You'd never in Singapore. They just don't be put in homes. Terrific.

I do think that there's something humane about taking people who are rolling their own shit up in a ball. Look, I mean, by the way, schizophrenics, those people need to be taken care of. And they need to be – I don't think it's a terrible thing to show up in a padded wagon and take them into a protective. Be careful with that, though. Yeah, I know. Someone might say you're fucking crazy. I know. Scoop you up.

I know. That's why it was unconstitutional. Well, yeah, that's why you move the boundaries, right? And this is the argument against what we're saying, right? You move the boundaries in any direction where it's not total freedom and then it can slide further from there. That's the problem. How do you define mental illness, right? So that's when you say, well, you're mentally ill, so you can't own a gun. Well, people go, well, how do you define

mental illness? Do you define that as I had an anger management issue at my work once, I suffer from depression sometimes? Well, how about this? How about the most polarizing, religion versus no religion? There's people that think that if you are religious, do you have a mental health issue? And there's people who are religious that think that if you're an atheist, do you have a mental health issue? This is like a very polarizing line in the sand

that I've heard argued by intelligent people. I've never heard that. I've seen intelligent people that have blinders on that think that if you're an atheist, you're a fool, and you probably have a mental illness, and you probably have this extreme belief in science above God and above the laws of the Bible. And they'll say it in this articulate way. Like, God damn, this guy believes that. He really believes that all atheists have a mental health problem. So if you get a person

who's in a position of power that can also run this ideology, they have this ideology. One of the things that almost all presidents do, but particularly right-wing presidents, ever since Reagan started introducing the religious aspect of the right into politics, they made it a big deal during the Reagan campaign. You see that so many presidents, particularly on the right, have to talk about God. They have to. They have to talk about God. They have to. They have to talk about God. It's a Christian nation still. You bring people in. You're on my side.

I'm on the God side. And you see that argument argued by many people who are like fevered Trump supporters. The really, really wacky ones are like super into God wanting Trump to be our president. And then you get this group of people they get into power and you've got some law in place that says if you're mentally ill, you can be locked up. How many steps

does it have to take before it slides to you? It might only take a few. Yeah, and I agree. I do like where I like religious thought in discourse and even in policy, it's limited. But I do like the idea that when you think that you can get human beings out of all problems using human rationality, mathematics and science, you better be careful with that, too, because you can you can use math and rationality to justify some pretty horrific things as the Soviets and the Nazis did and everybody else. So there is something really, really cool about – and Yuval Harari comes in on this and so does Jonathan Haidt. There is something really kind of – one of the things Jonathan Haidt says is we're all religious. All human beings are religious.

Some people are just religious about science. Some people are religious about rationality at all costs. Some people are religious about – so you'll – some people are religious about science. Some people are religious about rationality at all costs. Some people are religious about nutrition. So you've got to remember, you've got to take an inventory of your own brain and how your belief system works as well. Politics are as close to religion as you can get. 100%. There's also rewards for adhering to one or the other ideology, especially in an aggressive way, because then you get rewarded for being the watchdog of either right-wing values or left-wing

values, progressive values, conservative values. We all do, man. People have done it. It's a thing that we do. There's a reward there. You pick it up. Well, I got a kick out of this COVID thing. Whenever somebody says socialist, I go like this. I go, keep them away. Get them away. No socialists. And I have a very visceral reaction to people like AOC or Bernie Sanders because I know people who are very right, not right wing, but very market oriented people who said, we need this fucking $2 trillion stimulus. That's a socialist measure. I was looking for the government for a bailout. I don't need it, but I want that $2 trillion in the system that had to be mandated by government politicians. And in a COVID-19 scenario, guess what?

I'm a bit of a socialist. I find myself going. That's why I think the idea of there being one or the other, these are too complex, too many super complex issues to lump on one side or the other. It's too hard. A person who's an expert on financial intervention or industry intervention to provide medical equipment to deal with the respiratory virus that hits people at an unprecedented rate, that's not a left wing or right wing thing. That's a thing. And if that gets lumped into socialism versus libertarianism, we got a fucking real problem

because that's a good idea for everybody. Yes. Right? Yes. Well, Jordan Peterson said something I thought I never forgot. He said, when you get that level of detail, when you're trying to solve problems, get food on, you know, get a lot of protein and carbohydrates and fats into the, say, 300 million human bodies or you're just running a restaurant or whatever it is. When you're trying to get something done, get get manufacturing of medicines away from China into the United States.

When you get to the level of detail, left wing and right wing politics seem to go out the fucking window. You're dealing with practicality now. We got to get a job done. And I don't know if you're into fucking geese or if you're a trans. I don't give a shit. Can you do the job well? Let's get this job done, and then we can talk about the other stuff. That's kind of what happens.

I noticed in a war zone when I was in Afghanistan. I don't say Afghanistan anymore. How come? I don't know. I like to be- You became less authentic? I like to be more American. Afghanistan, when I was in Afghanistan, I remember none of the soldiers would talk politics. None of them. They were like, I don't talk about that right now. I got a job to do. I got a job to do. I know what my mission is and that's the way it is. So when you get to the level of details, a lot of times, it's what I think a lot of times when you deal with people who are really, who live in a real world where they have to

make a profit with their business or whatever they do when they live in the real world, they tend to be more moderate to maybe more market oriented. And when you get people that have been in an academic setting their whole life, in a political setting their whole life, where they make laws and you have academics that come up with theories to support those laws, they tend to be a little bit less practical, a little bit more theoretical, just by the nature of how they live their lives on a daily basis. You know, it's interesting. I was just thinking this while I was talking about these complex issues.

Why are we voting for a person, like one individual leader that handles all those things? Why instead isn't there a vote for the person who's got the best solution to each of those individual problems and those are the people that run the country hmm you know what I'm saying I do mean the idea that I love that that seems like that's a possible idea you mean so you'd get out you'd get an economic stud somebody made a lot of money to run the economy yes yes yes you get an economic president yes yes you get a poor that's why I like that's why I like Mitt Romney a lot of money to run the economy yes yes yes you get an economic president yes yes you get a war that's why i like that's why i like mitrami in a lot of ways guy was

fucking you know an economic stud yeah a lot of stuff yes also they hold that against you now also mexican he is his dad's mexican i didn't know that his dad tried to run for president because his dad was born in mexico he couldn't run for president i thought he was white as could be well he is because he came from the mormons who escaped and moved to Mexico so they can boink. Yes. Boink. They wanted to have all these wives. Let's keep this party rolling.

Wow. Big Mexican community down there. Huge. And that was the big story with the cartel. Yes. They slaughtered nine of them. Did they ever find- Including women and children.

Why? Did they ever find those guys? Did they ever find out why? They don't. I don't think they have a definitive answer, obviously, because everyone's dead. But I think they either did it because they were always in dispute with those people from the Mormon colonies or because they mistook them for someone who was in another rival gang. It's hard to tell. You know, the cartel, you know, they're not big on interviews after they've murdered people.

No, they're... So I don't know what happened. I don't know if the people that shot them were punished by the cartel there was something that ed calderon said that would probably happen they would do it publicly because they don't want to start a war but like it's the whole thing's crazy we got a giant multi-billion dollar drug industry that's connected to us yeah i love legalizing it how's the fucking work going that like imagine if you had to choose between like what are your big problems is your big problem the massive amounts of drugs that are coming into the country that are killing people and

addicting people or is it important to uh hold it down in afghanistan some places on the other side of the planet you got a place that's connected to you That's directly affecting people like in this really weird way Yeah, the best the best like the best thing ever heard Bill Maher said the best thing was when he said Terrorism isn't gonna kill you America. It's the corn syrup and all the shit He's right. He's right. He's got some diabetes I don't know if it's him writing or his monologue writers, but they make some great points like that. Those monologues that he does for real time, he makes some great points.

Yes. Funny shit too. But it's, yeah. We have a problem in that whenever you tell someone that they can't do something, which I don't agree with at all. Don't get me wrong about this whole drug issue. I don't think you should be able to tell a guy who's 60 years old he can't do meth. That fucking guy wants to do meth. I agree.

He should be able to do meth. Here's the question is, should it be okay for you to sell him meth? Well, that sort of gets weird because I know you're a piece of shit if you're selling meth. You're selling this poor guy meth? You know he doesn't need meth, Brian. He needs a hug. This is what would happen. If you made all drugs legal, they'd get zoned.

They'd get taxed. There would be ways to do it. Look, you want to do meth? The conversation would be like this. It'd be exactly like this. You want to do meth. First of all, if you want to work for my company, no meth. I got a private company, no meth.

You can't do meth. I know it sounds crazy, but you're not an efficient worker. You want to be a pilot? No meth. You want to be a cop? No meth. You want to work in my factory, heavy machinery? No meth.

Video games, I mean, maybe it'll help you. But if you want to lose your teeth, go ahead, you fucking idiot. Go ahead. So I think, again, cocaine. Now, we're going to have very pure cocaine. And guess what? To get it from leaf to powder, less murder. No murder, in fact.

How's that sound? It's locally sourced. How's that sound? You can do your blow. And again, you want to do blow. I got to wake up in the morning. I can't be up all night i would love to do blow i love blow i can't do it because how many times you've done it probably five six times in my life wow fantastic and you love it and you've never done it more it's the best drug of all time really it's the best drug of all time i i again it's like the

joke is when two people are doing blow they start a business together you know i i again it's like the joke is when two people are doing blow they start a business together you know what i mean it's like let's just fucking open a candle store and it sounds like the best idea in the world but i don't do below i don't i'm not a drug guy i don't have time you know but but the point is if you had a place i could go and it was pure and it wasn't cut with a bunch of shit i don't know about right and i knew i i could do it and fucking talk to my friend or have sex with some, you know, whatever it is. Maybe if I had time.

Well, here's the thing. If there was consistency. Give me the responsibility. If there was consistency. Yeah. Like if all drugs that were dangerous were illegal. Yeah. Then maybe I could kind of get your point.

Right. But how many people die of overdoses every year of prescription drugs? A lot. A lot. How many people abuse prescription drugs? A lot. And alcohol. Yeah, exactly. Alcohol, which is one of the most destructive drugs and one of the most readily available. And is an essential that's open while we're keeping social distancing. Yeah. Alcohol. Yeah. So again, I ask you, tell me the difference.

So what we've done is supported a horrific criminal enterprise all over the world. Yes. In all of Latin America. And we continue to. Yeah. And so many innocent Mexican women and children and men and businesses and lives destroyed. And so many Central American. And it's just destroyed the fabric of those societies.

Now imagine, you're supposed to take care of this problem and coronavirus and the economy and healthcare and you're running for re-election and North Korea and Germany and this. I don't want to. What? All right. I may call drugs legal. I think that is a logical way of looking at it. But I think that the growing pains of that would be people would lose their fucking minds at you if they lost their children during the growing pains.

And they can attribute their child overdosing on heroin because their son bought it legally and left it in the house and now someone's dead. Sure. And you'd have that. And I think you'd have a lot less of that because I'd have a lot of this heroin would be regulated. When you went to a store and bought heroin, just like with weed, you'd know exactly what you were getting. You weren't getting a hot shot. You were getting no, no, what's the other fentanyl. You'd know exactly what you were getting I'd have it, I'd have a place you could do it if you wanted, it'd be all kinds of stuff and then by the way and you can't sustain that

habit, the people that are junkies would be junkies anyway but at least there'd be a place, it'd be a safe place for them to go and get it maybe to do it like they do in Zurich but more importantly, I legalize all fucking drugs because I don't know,

because this war on drugs ain't going so well. There'd be a lot less murder, I'll tell you that in my opinion. Well, we would need someone to figure out, first of all, how do you have less people that are, that's another Ed Calderon thing. How do you have less people that are even interested in doing heroin?

Like we've obviously done something terribly wrong if we have people that are interested in heroin. Like, why are people willing to do drugs like Crocodile? You know that shit that people were shooting at their body that was making their— That's the real problem. In fixing it with a patch, left or right-oriented patch, be careful with the tip of that thing. The knife pokes through it, stabbing the hand. I love it so much. That's a gift from Ed.

He's the same guy that brought me the death whistle. I want a knife, dude. Please give me one of these. I want to carry this with me. I figured out how to death whistle. You just blow on it. I don't know, man. You don't have to cup it with your hands.

You're not as good as me. I'd give it to you, but there's social distancing rules. Give me that shit. No. I don't give a fuck. I was going to say. You can't. I don't give a fuck.

People are watching. We're setting a bad example. That's true, actually. But that's what I'm saying. I mean, imagine someone who has to take care of each one of those things. Yeah, just a motherfucker. Each one of those things is ridiculous. A president of the homeless.

This one guy, one person, one woman. But we do that. We have drug czars. Yeah, but they don't have the kind of power that I'm going to give them. Really? Yeah, I'm going to give them presidential power. I don't think one person should be able to let people

out of jail and do this and move that. What if we had one person that stays in his fucking lane? What are you really good at? But we have a secretary, an energy secretary, we have an education secretary. I know, I know, but they work in this cabinet. What I'm saying is a king of

immigration. This is the king. This is the person, the queen of immigration, the queen of environment. Not even the environment. So you changed the title. Yes. So female wins it. So you think giving apologies immigration the queen of environment yeah you change the title yes so female wins so you think giving apologies more power is the answer. Kings and Queens entice them into the job. I don't like this idea well I call it a president call it the head of. We do!

But we have Czar. Czar is fucking a king. But no one big guy yeah but I'm talking about Do you know what Czar means? It's there. They write the budget. They do everything. Yeah, but doesn't czar come from, so you have the drug czar. You've got the education. Czar comes from Caesar, right? Isn't that Russian for Caesar? The king?

Is that what it is? It's a Russian name. It's a dope name. The czar. Anytime you can say czar. Czar. C-Z-A-R. I'd love to be a czar.

When they made a drug czar, I was like, what? I'll be the sex czar. Russian emperor. What's that? It comes from the Russian emperor. No, I know it means Russian emperor, but I a czar. When they made a drug czar, I was like, what? I'll be the sex czar. Russian emperor. What's that? It comes from the Russian. No, I know it means Russian emperor, but I think czar means Caesar. Doesn't it? I think the root is.

If you had one person in this country that was autonomous, they didn't need the approval of the top president guy. They just had a thing to solve. They don't need his. No, no, no. That'd be a terrible idea. Why? Because you'd have people...

For every different thing? Well, I mean, think about an education queen. I mean, look at Betsy DeVos. She's got her ideas on how to run classrooms, but there's massive pushback from teachers and everybody else. So these are very controversial subjects. Go ahead. Which one loves Jesus?

She gets to kill people. Now you're talking. Which one loves Jesus? Because that's the one I'm voting for. All right. I heard that argument about George W. Someone said, well, George W. is with Jesus, so I'm with George W. Wow.

Yeah, man. There you go. That's how you get in. When you want to be the education czar, what do you want? I'm teaching a bunch of fucking pagans about Zeus and shit? The fuck out of here. That's changing. We need our Jesus.

Technology. All the way back. Technology with the Enlightenment. As you were able to predict the movement of the planets. That was radical. That went, hey wait, the Bible doesn't tell us that. This guy, Haley, Albert Haley was able to predict

Haley's Comet or Newton or Copernicus or Galileo who are proving this stuff mathematically. They were revolutionaries. Holy fuck. It was so outrageous. But the church was like, wait a minute. This is destroying the existence of God.

When Einstein came along and said time and space are relative depending on how fast you're moving. What? Think about how important education is, right? It's the most important thing. And just giving someone tools to shape their mind. Now think of it in terms of the prestige that you get as being just a high school teacher. It's nothing.

It's nothing. No one cares. You're doing one of the most important services to a young mind. You're teaching them, literally filling their minds with information. Imagine if someone was in charge of education in this country who could convince everybody, who had a real philosophy and a real strategy for educating kids and talked about it in a way like, this is how we're going to make- We do have that.

No, no, no. One person who's the president of education. God damn it. You're about to use one person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One person can't solve these problems. But we elect them. We elect them.

It'd be a terrible idea because now you're creating a bunch of little presidents. But who's going to be the president of education? No, you need the wisdom of crowds. And then we have the president of education. Yeah, but this is the crowds. They all get together. No, you have to have an open debate. The president can't have all power.

What? No, no, no. This is my new take on it. We need dictators that are benevolent. My God. You're a monarchist. You fucking monarchist. Imagine if that's the strategy. Joe Rogan, fucking monarchist. Imagine if that's the strategy.

Joe Rogan, the monarchist. Imagine if that's what really works. That's what used to happen. The king had divine power. You just have one really nice person who runs the whole thing. One nice person. One really nice person. I don't believe in nice people.

I don't think they exist. I believe human beings are- You're nice. People- But you're one of the nicest people I know. I am a nice person. So that doesn't make any sense. But I'd be a terrible cop.

That's one of the reasons why I've had to kick people out of your life. It's true. Because I'm like, hey, man. I trust everybody. I love everybody. You love everybody. You let everybody in. I got fucked over recently, badly, financially.

I know you did. And I was like, ah, fuck it. Dude, there's a couple of times in your life where I've had to pull you aside. Yeah. Like, hey, fucker. Yeah. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be telling you this. Yeah.

It's time to run, son. Yeah, it's true. I am, I suppose I'm, I'd be a very bad cop because I'd be like, what happened? Your dad hit you? Like, what the fuck? All right, I'm going to let you go, but God damn it if you do that again. I'm so mad. Don't shoot anybody else. Promise me.

I'll let you go. No, certain things I'd have no mercy for, though. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, let you go. No, certain things I'd have no mercy for, though. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, and that's the thing, right? There's like things that people can do where you're like, you know, child murder. That's it.

See you later. No coming back. See you later. There's things like that. Even if I catch you with a large trove of child pornography, what am I going to do, dude? If that's really what turns you on i gotta i don't know what to say you've seen one of the weird you know because progressive ideology right like we were talking about before really is in some ways is a religion just like conservative ideologies it takes on some of the some of the characteristics of a religion the when there was people predicting this, but almost in jest that one day people that are so progressive, they would look at people who are pedophiles and saying that this is just who they are.

And this is like, this is their sexual programming, like how they are as a person. And we shouldn't judge them by who they are. That's fine. I can even watch this. I can even, I'll watch this. I'll grant you that. Watch this. So let's say with like Robert Sapolsky's work or people like this who are studying this stuff, we don't know.

We don't know. I don't think people choose to be pedophiles. What happens is they wake up and they go, I have, I have this irrational attraction to children. Okay. So you're attracted to, let's say toddlers or something horrible. Now I grant you that your brain works this way. irrational attraction to children. Okay, so you're attracted to, let's say, toddlers or something horrible. Now, I grant you that your brain works this way.

I still can't have you, if you have these impulses, I can't have you out in society, bro. Now, if you want to volunteer for castration or if there's a way to get you to not have these urges, now we can talk.

But if I don't know how to mitigate or erase that kind of deep-seated programming, you've got to go away. I got to know where you are at all times. I can't have you near children. This is why we incarcerate these people, right? And so I think we're going to be facing that exact question. We're going to be saying it. The more we learn about the brain and stuff, we're going to be realizing you are programmed a certain way.

Okay. We all are. Now, to what degree, if you listen to Sam Harris, Sam doesn't even believe in free will. You know, Sam will tell you, we have no control over the mechanics of how we make a decision. When did it start? I mean, what happened? Sapolsky's book, Behave, is about this. I don't know.

I still can't run a society that gives free reign to people that cause destructive harm. You know the story about there was a guy who had a tumor in his brain. Yeah. And the tumor was literally turning him into a pedophile yes he has the tumor removed they prove it they prove the tumors there's a tumor removed all these thoughts go away they come back a few years later they do another MRI and they find out the tumors returned like what do you do with that because there's a guy like you almost you he got sick he literally got sick and that sickness led to him being a criminal there's a guy like you almost you he got sick he literally got sick

and that sickness led to him being a criminal there's also a you can have a lesion on your brain the size of a the head of a pin if it's in the right part of your brain it will turn you into a homicidal maniac oh we know these things so really yes the head of a pen? the brain when damaged can cause you to be fucking, you know, a maniac. Imagine if they did that. What if they did that to people? Like if you really wanted to be the ultimate soldier and they had like a part of your brain that turns you into a berserker and they would just hit that switch. Yeah.

Well, they say that a lot of what they do, psyche evals on high level operators. And some of those people are able to shut off certain parts of their, you know, they can be great fathers and husbands and brothers and they can also shut off. And when it's time to shut that off, everybody dies. And they can, it's called, you can deviate. It's called a, there's a term for it, like sociopath. You can deviate into a sociopath. You can deviate into that space and then come back.

You can make the decisions that have to be made and then come back to morality. Yeah. I think a lot of us could do that. If you have an ideology, if you're protecting your homeland or whatever it might be, that's a formidable soldier who's trying to protect what he loves. the reality of the necessity of that like runs into really bad people in parts of the world that really are torturing and murdering people making videos and putting them up on youtube like you run into those kind of people and you actually see them in the world you see the damage they're doing to people in the real world i know a lot of soldiers who felt that way who saw that shit and they were like listen man that's why i killed him and I slept well last night. There's something about what's going

on now for all of us where there's this massive wake up call as to the frailty of our society, how poorly we've thought out all the consequences of any sort of global pandemic or any natural disaster, how ill prepared we are. And this is a good opportunity to wake up and look at what we're doing and look how fucking soft we are. Like, it's fine to be nice. It's fine to be nice. Well, have you noticed that now we're in this pandemic and you don't hear there's not a lot of talk about progressive ideas and equality? No. Well, the real progressive ideas you're seeing from people like nurses and doctors and healthcare workers that are they're putting their fucking their Physical health on the line taking care of these people and some of them are dying You're seeing people that are chipping in and food shelters and and and you know when food kitchens and trying to feed people that are poor

You're seeing people there's a lot of people putting together Go fund me the comedy store is putting together a fund right now to pay for the waitstaff. There's all these different things that are happening that are people putting together that are happening organically. This is what we want. What we don't want is mandated charity, mandated socialism, mandated. And that's what people have a problem with. Because what they're worried about is in great times, in times that things are amazing, we're worried about people who don't want to do their share. We're worried about people where you've created a simple,

easy path for them. And they've taken it every time and time again that they're lazy and they don't want to do any work. They don't. There's people that are like that. That's different than what we're experiencing now. What we're experiencing now is the best case scenario for human nature in terms of the outpouring of generosity that you get from a lot of these people that are trying to help other folks that are in need. Yeah, you're going to have some negative stories. You're going to have that too. But what this really is is a wake-up call is that we've had it really, really, really easy. And because of that, we were finding things to be outraged at. And the people that experienced real strife in their life and real difficulty,

they get angry at that stuff. And they get angry at that stuff for a reason. Because self-indulgence is fucking dangerous. Because it's catchy. And because you tell all your friends that y'all have a good point. The government should just fucking pay us. We should just get paid. Why do these billionaires have money?

There should be no billionaires. How about good grammar being racist? Because if you correct somebody's grammar, maybe that person didn't have the education. Therefore, you're being racist because maybe that person of color doesn't use the kind of grammar that's standard English. This is a new idea, too. Yeah, there's a lot of these new ideas that people look for things to be outraged about. Well, it's hard to get food. And again, right now the power's still on.

Okay, right now everything is at least three-quarters of what it was minus the unemployment, right? You're stuck at home, but you're with the people that you love. You can talk to them on your phone. You can watch Netflix. You can do a lot of shit still. Can't go to restaurants. Can't go to movies. But you can't go to work. But you're kind of still around. And then you've got your financial issues. What if it went one step further? Do we not understand

how fucking fragile this is? What if it went one step further? One rock from the sky slams into Chicago. One big ass fucking mile wide rock slams into Chicago. Yeah. One big ass fucking mile wide rock slams into Chicago. Or a volcano in Montana that won't stop bubbling. How about that Yellowstone thing that's a giant caldera that's 300 kilometers wide or something stupid like that.

Or a volcano. I think it's actually 600 kilometers. That super blast would fuck us up forever. It's huge. Yeah. How big is the caldera of Yellowstone? Well, by the way, maybe climate change is a very real thing. And most of us are walking around going, nah, not for us.

God will protect us. Well, the problem with that is people weaponize the idea of arguing about climate change. And if you even have a question about it, or if you even, do you ever, if you, it's one of those things things and this is not that the experts aren't correct i am with the experts i'm with the science on it i'm 100 in belief that human beings are accelerating climate change that's not my point my point is if someone even brings up how do you know if you're arguing about it voraciously right you're like really into fucking you know some people that love arguing about climate change.

Yes. And they love putting you in your fucking place. Yes. The oceans are going to be on fire. And they get crazy with it. Yes. And if you even have a conversation, like where are you getting your information from? They don't really have a good source.

It's not like they've spent time studying these papers and looking at the trends and reading books on core samples. And talking to you about these shifts and here at the trends and reading books on core samples and talking to you about these shifts. And here's the problem with this shift. This shift is different than the other ones because it's clearly CO2. I tried saying with a group of people, all I try to say is I go, I don't like Trump either, but I will say, and I was going to say, I appreciate it as China policy and certain things. I literally was met with this.

I went, but I will, but then, oh, no, no,, no, don't fucking, don't give me a but on this. You know, I'm like, Jesus Christ. Are you that afraid of my ideas? Well, there's a Trump thing. Like, you either hate Trump or you love Trump. Right. You know, you can't say, like, I get criticized as being some sort of a closet Trump supporter because I say I think he's funny.

I do, too. He's funny. He cracks me up. We're professional comedians. He's hilarious to me. He's funny. Look, how about stuff that no one even gets hurt

the one when he took Greenland and he put a giant Trump tower on it and he tweeted I promise not to do this if we buy Greenland yes dude that's

he's hilarious to me that's funny that doesn't mean you're a Nazi and I think this is going to calm some of that shit down this is going to give us real things to be outraged about

and this is a wake up call that you that our medical systems that we have in place to deal with pandemics, they're underfunded. They're underfunded. They have to be. Or they're underutilized or there's something wrong. There's something wrong. I don't want to say what the cause is. I really don't know. I'm an idiot.

Something has left us unprepared. Okay. Let's not blame anybody. It is what it is. No one saw this coming. But now that we know that this can happen. Yeah, this has never happened before. All the years since 1776, we've never locked down the country like this.

But we did, and the whole world did. So let's move forward with a fucking heavy emphasis on putting the brakes to that kind of shit. Figure out what we have to do. Is it because you only have 100 scientists on it instead of 1,000? Because let's hire 900 more. What are we doing? Figure out what we have to do. Is it because you only have 100 scientists on it instead of 1,000? Because let's hire 900 more. Yeah. Like, what are we doing?

You're spending so much money on other things. Have a science king. Yes. Have a science king. Let's have a fucking science king. What's the difference between king and czar? We have a tiger king. Let's have a science king. Yeah.

President. Science president. Science president. Yes. Everybody's a president of something. President. Science president. Science president. Yes. Everybody's a president of something. Yeah. Economic president. And that way when something goes wrong, you'll go, fucking, if Trump just opened the borders.

No, you're like, don't. No, it's the border king's problem. Yeah. The border king says we got to keep the borders closed. It's not Trump. Trump doesn't get to say. It's the border king. We have a border king.

We have a fucking drug king. We have a sky king. We have a sky king. Really? Oh, he runs the skies. Well, he makes sure it's clean. Yeah. The guy's up We have a fucking drug king. We have a sky king. We have a sky king. Really? Oh, he runs the skies. Well, he makes sure it's clean. The guy's up there with a fucking little strip. I like that.

Testing it every day. Scooping. Like, hey, sky king, how come the sky's still dirty, you fucking idiot? I like that. And you blame the sky king. All right. You can't blame Trump and his cronies. You blame sky king.

I like it. I want an elk. You do. You need to get one of those in your life. You don't invite me. It's very. Listen, you don't do it anymore. You don't really do it. I want an elk. You do. You need to get one of those in your life. You don't invite me. It's very... Listen, you don't do it anymore. You don't really do it.

Dude, I'm Deadeye. I'm Game Eye. Sweetie, I love you. Yeah. There's the level between doing what we did where you have a rifle and doing what we did when we were doing bows. It's so much work to get to the point where you can do it efficiently. Oh, because you're doing bow hunts.

Yes. How about I show up with a gun? You could definitely do that if it's legal to have a gun. You know what? The place for that for you would be Hawaii. Really? Yes. Lanai.

Axis deer. Because they have to shoot them. You and I need to go to my friend's property in New Zealand and shoot those red shacks. I'm sure. But they probably need to shoot those too. They do. Because New Zealand doesn't have any predators. They do.

They don't have any predators. He's got five private beaches. He's got some money. Bring some wolves to New Zealand. Dude. What could go wrong? Great idea. That's what they do in Colorado.

We need to go to his place. He jet skis with fucking orcas. He sends me video. He's on his jet ski on his private beach and he goes, ah, orcas under him. The first family that gets eaten inside their tent by wolves, and that can happen and has happened in history, folks. The first family that that ever happens to, we're all going to have a big wake-up call as to what a wolf is. It's not that I don't love wolves. I do love wolves.

And I went to that wolf connection, that rescue out in Palmdale. I went to it really recently with Forrest Galante. Did you see wolves? Yeah, I hung out with them. They're cool as fuck. Pure wolves or hybrids? Most of them are hybrids. One of them was about as close to a pure wolf as you can get,

and you couldn't do a goddamn thing with them. This guy said that one time he admonished him for a food fight, and he was incorrect. And the wolf hasn't spoken to him since. What? Three years ago. The wolf's like, fuck you. He used to be able to pet him, put him on a leash and take him out.

Now the wolf won't let him anywhere near him. Really? He decided the guy was a cunt three years ago. That male wolves will challenge you. And you know, certain animals like camels. Camels, if they like you, you're good. If they don't like you, they'll piss on you, they'll spit on you, and they will grab you and bite you and throw you. They pick you up by your neck with their teeth.

I've seen that. Don't fuck around with a camel. Bro, I saw a guy trying to kill a camel. He was trying to, there's like a certain way they kill camels for some religious food. Or eat. You can eat them. But a certain way they kill them, you know, with a knife. They slice their throat.

Right. And he was doing that and this camel was not having it. And he grabs him by the back of the neck and just fucking whips him through the air. You realize how strong a camel is. Oh, yeah. It bites your neck. You're a 150-pound man. You're going flying.

You're going flying, dude. He'll chuck you. He'll chuck you like you threw a house cat. Bourdain ate camel. He said it was really good. So did I. Did you eat it? Yeah.

What is it like? Delicious. What does it taste like? It's like goat, you know, I guess. I mean, a lot of times in Saudi Arabia, you would eat a camel in huge feasts. You'd put a goat inside the camel. Wow. Oh, here's one.

This guy's trying to slice. Yeah, this is another one. Okay. Yeah, right there. Look at that Wow. Oh, here's one. This guy's trying to slice. Yeah, this is another one. Okay. Yeah, right there. Look at that guy. Oh! Boom, son. That thing picked him up by his head.

He got his whole head in there. Look at that. Yikes. That's his whole head. Oh, my God. That wasn't even just the neck. That thing grabbed his whole head. He's got to be fucked up.

Bro, he might be paralyzed. Yeah. Now he's moving. Thank God. Look at that. God damn it. It just grabbed might be paralyzed. Yeah. Now he's moving. Thank God. Look at that. God damn it. Just grabbed his whole head. It picked him up by his head.

Yeah, no. Dude, that could easily break your neck. Fuck yeah, it could. Are you kidding me? Especially if it didn't let go. What if it shook him? Yeah, that'd be a bad situation. You know what I'm saying?

Or you would just held onto the head and shook him a bunch of times? That thing is mean. Fuck, dude. Yeah, don't fuck with camels. Yeah. So it's like a goat. It's a's like a goat It's a lot of meat It's a lot of meat How many people ate that camel?

I don't remember I was a kid by the way I was 14 13 when I ate it So I'm saying goat They eat with their hands right? Eat with your right hand? Yes

You do everything with your right hand And you wash your ass with your left hand You do your dirty things with your left hand You never give anybody your left hand a shake So when you're caught stealing traditionally They would cut off your Right hand Oh my god So you have to be the traditionally in Saudi, they would cut off your right hand. Oh my God.

So you'd have to be the last one to wait. You'd have to, in the goat crab, you'd be the last one to eat. Oh my God. So you'd have what was left over. Oh my God. Yeah. What do you do then? You just kill the guy?

Like, why do you want to live like this? No, you live with one hand. It's fine. Figure it out. You know. I don't think we got to the bottom i think brian callen but it feels good to complain i agree buddy i love being here what else i think that's good i think we're we're three hours in we're three hours in god that goes quickly yeah i can't believe that and yeah we are

jesus i you know i'm joking around obviously about the the kings have a king of everything joking around about it, obviously. But it is kind of ridiculous that we ever think that one person could be the president and run this whole country. It's so stupid. It's so stupid and it's so tired. And when something happens where it's really clear that this wasn't thought out correctly like this and that we didn't know what was coming like this, that we didn't ever think was coming like this, that we didn't ever think, because it's never happened before.

If something's never happened before, we always think it's not going to happen, whether it's a super volcano or an asteroid impact or this. Well, that's the thing. That's the thing. That's what it's got me thinking. Even though we know that they've happened, it hasn't happened during my life.

I'm not prepped enough, and I need to get prepped for real. We all should be. We keep talking about going somewhere, and I'm not bullshitting about that. How about a place we can drive to in a short time, though? You could drive to Utah in 10 hours. Really? Yeah. Yeah, that's not a bad one.

Or Vegas. Just camp out in Vegas. I like the idea of somewhere up in the hills in California. Where? Where are you going to go? There's a lot of property. Where are you going to go? Enough where I can get a well and lots of guns.

Maybe you can go to Big Bear. Hmm. Interesting. Maybe you can go to Big Bear. Then they would shut those roads off. That's what I worry about. That's right. And you're fucked.

You've got to be up there stuck. Still stuck. We're still relying on the highway system. Well, they shut those roads off sometimes unless when it snows out. You have to have chains. Like, you have to have chains if you're driving up there. Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah, whenever you see those roads to Big Bear that say you must put chains on your tires.

Bill Burr can drive a helicopter. He can fly a helicopter. That's right. So Bill will be our go-to guy. He can. We need a boat to get out in the sea. But we're assuming we'll have good visibility. The problem with the helicopter thing is if it's fires, if there's fires, you ain't seeing shit.

If it's fires, we'll figure it out. If's a pandemic again we'll see you we need the fucking fire president that's what we need we get the fire you can't say we'll figure it out we need a rock solid game plan we call a fire president who hates fire we have to get a hates fire hates it fucking hates fire imagine we eat raw food really starting fires do you know that's a thing? I know a lawyer who defends a kid who starts fires, dresses up like a fireman, and diverts traffic. And they catch him all the time. And he has to go and be like, the kid's obviously crazy. So, yeah, he's a sociopath. He gets off on creating these issues.

But he loves being a fireman, so he'll start fires. And then he dresses up like a fireman. He's done this 11 times since he was a little kid, and now he's an adult, and I think he's in jail now. But he'll dress up. That's probably a good place for him. Yeah, he dresses up like a fireman, and he likes to divert traffic and tell people where to go and give them advice.

It's great. Now imagine you have to fix that guy. Imagine he's homeless, and you've got to fix him. You've got to go to jail. You've got a homeless guy who lights houses on fire and pretends he's a fireman. He's so far gone. You've got to go to jail. What do you do with it?

Do you keep him in there forever? Let him out one day. They're going to be more fucked up than they were before you put him in. You make the jail for crazy people much more pleasant. You keep it there. Just keep him there. Keep him in the pleasant jail? Yeah.

Forever. Pleasant though. Forever. I don't know. That's a problem. Until I find a way to get him, until he can exhibit

that he is fit to go back to society. Did you ever see One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? Yes. How come they don't have places like that anymore? One of the greatest movies

of all time. Do they have places like that anymore? Yeah, they have mental. You come in, you come out. Yeah, the loony bins. How many of them they have? Do they have enough?

I don't know. It seems like they should have more. We have mental, we have hospitals for the criminally insane hospitals for you know right but do we have enough because I think it's almost like the same amount of hospitals that we have regular Peter Peter early wrote a book called crazy his son suffers

a mental illness and what we do with most of our mental ill is we put them in jail and I've been to those aquariums that they keep people in it's. That's where it's fucked up too. It's like you're also, because you're crazy, you're also committing crimes. And you maybe could have been treated for whatever the mental illness was, particularly if it's a chemical imbalance, right? Yeah. And then you would have never done those crimes

and then you would have never been in jail. Yeah. But I mean, who's responsible for it? Ultimately, we want adults to be responsible for themselves. Yeah, well, this guy said, Joe Newman again, who wrote Raising Lions, I recommend it highly. He said, I'm training parents a lot of times. You used to think I was training the kids.

A lot of times I'm training the parents and the educators on how to react to the kid. Kid is smart, and even the kid is playing Spacey and stuff or whatever, not paying attention, cutting up at school. He's enjoying the frustration and the social status he gets. He creates frustration in the adult and gets social status from doing this. I can make it very boring for him. I'll make it very boring for him.

Without interest, just go, hey, time to take a break. You got to stand over there. I know it sucks. But you can throw a tantrum, but the time starts for when you're done with the tantrum. Little things like that. Huge results. Just take the profit out of that. You're saying this genius tells you to put them in timeout?

Timeout, but it's a very specific way of doing it. It's hilarious. What's his solution? Kids got to go to timeout. Yeah. Everybody. Well, you get these kids who freak out. They have to be put in isolation.

You argue with them. No, no, no. That's part of the president's problem. Yeah. So you can't put them in timeout. That's probably true. If there was like Nancy Pelosi had like a few timeouts per year, and she could just use it on Trump,

and Trump would just have to stand in the corner and not talk. Well, we'll take your phone away. We're going to take your phone away, no tweeting. No, no, no, no, no. No, a fucking legit timeout. Nancy Pelosi.

You stand in the corner. She's the kind of person that would put all of us in timeout. She's a mom. But if she could do that, imagine how interesting that would be. She'd go like this. Donald, Donald, why don't we take a break?

You go over there. Yeah. You're going to go over to the boarding chair. If there was like things that a person could do where you had to put them in timeout, you and I would be in timeout a lot. How often would you be in timeout per year? As a kid? Right now, as an adult. If they had timeout still.

I need a lot of timeout. I need a lot of timeouts. I need a lot of timeouts. No, but there's a thing, like at a certain point in time, you become the master of your own destiny. Nobody can put you in a timeout anymore, unless you're at work and you get brought in. I need timeouts because I'll find ways to procrastinate and not do the things I'm supposed to do. Can you imagine if you had a boss at the podcast and he sat you and Brendan down and we're

talking about your job performance? I'd have a problem with it. They do that with radio shows. That's what radio shows are. They're like basically a podcast but with a boss. I know. I know. You know Kevin and Bean?

You know those guys? I know. I love Kevin. You know Kevin? They just fired him. I didn't know they fired Kevin. I thought Kevin kind of voluntarily. No, no, no.

No, they fired him and then they fired everybody and then just told them they're done. Go home. And they had security guards lead him out of the building. Even Kevin? Yes, Kevin. I didn't know Kevin got fired. Yeah, Kevin got fired. That's very recent.

Well, Bean left like a year ago. I know. And then Kevin stayed on. Yeah. And K-Rock, Jimmy Kimmel made a tweet about it. Like, how dare you? I just did, Kevin. I mean, I love Kevin.

Well, it's been Kevin's morning show for like since I think January. Kevin and who's the woman? I don't know. There's a couple people that do it with him. I forgot her name. I'm such an asshole. And Dave. But they're both great.

They just fired everybody. What? Yeah. That's crazy. So there's no more Kevin? No. I think it probably happened. I mean I don't know if it had anything to do with the Corona

but it was like when it was kicking in. Like when everyone was starting to worry about COVID-19. Damn. Yeah. I'm very very worried about just what's going to happen to all these small businesses. I don't know how much longer we can sustain this. It's terrible. It's terrible. That's terrible. We need a plan. Is there any good news on this? How about this

hydrochloroquine with azithromycin? Does that actually help with, sorry guys, I'm a doctor. I read about that and I read that there's some promise to that. And I um that there's that in a combination of some other medication um so it's uh essentially this drug that they use to treat malaria it's an old school drug treat malaria and then hydrochloroquine and then they're they're doing something else with it yeah so it's hydroxychloroquine it used to be quinine now it's a different it's that people that didn't work for malaria anymore and so there's that and you combine that with azithromycin like a z-pack i guess and so those two things apparently mitigate the effects of the virus i from what i heard but then i heard no so i don't know yeah i mean who the fuck knows there's also uh intravenous

vitamin c apparently has an uh effect a positive effect on people that are suffering from the the illness but again this is all anecdotal they don't have like a real strict protocol of how you handle this disease it's very easy to catch a new disease i haven't been as good as i should be i eat food that's prepared by people yeah you never Yeah, you never know. You never know. They didn't know before the Carnival Cruise Line thing that it could stay on surfaces as long as 17 days. Well, I heard nine hours.

It depends on if it's... No, no, no, no. This is the latest. 17 days? The people that are examining the cruise ship or the people that are stuck on it, even people that are asymptomatic, they still found traces of this shit 17 days later in their cabins.

Well, guess what? I'm done. How crazy is that? Asymptomatic people, and you can find the stuff in their cabin 17 days later. It's still alive waiting for a host. I don't think Chris D'Elia has left his house. Is he a germaphobe? He's just not left his house.

Well, he also has a new baby. Yeah. But you get something delivered from Amazon. You don't know what happened. It lives on surfaces. I just he's just not left his house well he also has a new baby yeah you know but you know you get something delivered from Amazon you don't know what happened yeah it lives on surfaces

yeah disinfect it disinfect the world alright buddy let's wrap it up Brian Callen thank you buddy for having me

is Will Sasso trying to pussy out of the 10 minute podcast or heard he is we're gonna do the 10 for all you 10 minute podcast lovers me Chris Lee

and Will Sasso I heard Sasso is we're reboso is getting very sassy with you. He gets sassy with me. He just sends me pictures of bears eating like fish and deer. He just sends me pictures. What he's going to do to you. Yeah, that's what it is. See, that guy has the biggest calves I've ever seen in my life.

He's the funniest fucking human being. Have you ever had him on the podcast? No. I'd love to have him on. Fuck, he's a genius. I love him. He's hilarious. Oh, my God. He's fun to hang out with, too. Remember when we all hung out together? He's the best. ever had him on the podcast no oh fuck he's a genius oh he's hilarious oh my god he's coming

out he's fun to hang out with too remember we all hung out together he's the best will sasso to me funniest human being maybe of all time and and uh coming out in a movie called boss level each one of his calves are two of arnold schwarzenegger's shoulders oh dude he's so big and strong but it's his calves oh yeah they're that big yeah Yeah. They're so big. Yeah. Yeah. They're bull hearts. They're bull hearts. I call them bull hearts.

They're so big. He's got two bull hearts in his fucking lower legs. I remember you telling me that, and then me seeing them, I'm like, what is going on? Well, there's a picture on the internet of my head next to his calf, and my head is, my calf and head, we're the same size. My head is the same size as his calf, and I'm not kidding. It's the weirdest shit I've ever seen. Congratulations on your operator status.

Thanks, buddy. You saw the way I squished off those rounds. I did. Guys, we want to laugh right now. Complicated apes on Amazon. It is. Look at his calves.

That is so crazy. Look at the size of his fucking calf. Dude, that is so ridiculous. He was a power lifter. I think he had some record. Dude, those things are ridiculous.

Look at that one up there. Who's that? Oh, that another guy? That's him. Jesus Christ. Is that Sasso? Yes. Jesus Christ.

Those are bull hearts. Bro, those are so big. Look where they're considered on the bone. Wow. I like saying considered. That's real? Yes. God damn.

Those look like Arnold in his prime, right? That's what those look like when he would pose. You ever seen him? Where is that? Let me see his Instagram for a sec. You got a lot of pictures with your face next to his calf. That's very odd. He's so funny.

You're wearing different shirts. Bring his Instagram up. I want to see something. He cracks me up. Go down, go down, go down. Why is he dressing like a woman? Go down. why does he have a video with arnold schwarzenegger is he mocking him i don't know he just oh brian this is an audio podcast as well oh sorry we're just going go down scroll never mind forget it it's just he's just got so many funny fucking. What is it? Just Will Sasso? Yeah. What is his,

um, Will Sasso. Will Sasso. He's the fucking best. I'm fucking see, he's on a boat. The wind is blowing. He's just standing on a boat and he's just,

he's just goes, I'm fucking seaworthy as fuck. He's a silly boy. Oh, he's fucking hilarious. All right. Love you, buddy.

It was fun hanging out with you all day today. Great. We had a great time. We had to do this more often. I can't you, buddy. It was fun hanging out with you all day today. Great time. We had to do this more often. I can't wait. That's one thing that I'm getting out of this more. I'm really appreciating friends. Fuck yes.

When the shit gets weird, that's what you really need. You really need friends. You're damn right. All right, love you people. Bye, everybody. See ya. That was fucking great. That was great.