The Joe Rogan Experience - #1457 - Tim Dillon

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

Tim Dillon is a comedian, tour guide, and host. He is the host of the podcast “The Tim Dillon Show" available on Spotify.

3, 2, 1. Later today, young Tim Dillon will find out whether or not he has the antibodies. Yes. Yes. And if I do, I'm going to Wuhan to do a fun little video in a wet market and eat a bat. If I have the antibodies, it's not... It's okay. Is it safe? I don't know what this is.

Yeah. No one knows. We've never been in a time where literally nobody knows. I have a string of text messages from Alex Jones that will change your opinion if you smoke enough weed. And you don't smoke weed. Were you ever a weed smoker? I smoked a lot of weed for a very long time. That's when I discovered Alex Jones when I was 13 when I was smoking weed, listening

to him on the GCN network. But when you got clean, it wasn't weed that was a problem, right? No, it was the cocaine and the booze and the pills. But weed was always there. I've never been a cocaine user. I've never used it, but I do love that Buck Cherry song. Oh, yeah, it's great. It's great.

It almost makes you want to do cocaine. It's a great drug. I mean, don't do it if you're having problems. But Alex left. I haven't even gotten to them. Because I got, this is to them because I got the, this is a real, I changed my phone number not that long ago.

Right. And I change it every few months now. Yeah. And it doesn't matter. Do you get random texts from just anybody? Oh yeah. Random. Yeah.

Yeah. But this, this, these are all, all these are voicemail messages and look at all these videos he sent me to watch and all these websites. He's convinced. Yeah.

That it's a weaponized virus that leaked from a lab. Well, there's a lot of people that are saying that in Wuhan, obviously, they have that lab, right? Yes. Whether it's a biodefense or bioresearch laboratory. There's something there. Something's there.

Something in Wuhan where the disease originated. Somebody said, now this is kind of convincing that maybe There were people set back door selling the animals that they were experimenting on to wet markets Like if you're broke and you were guard at the Wuhan lab, you're like, hey, I'm just selling bats and dogs For extra money and he sold maybe one of the wrong ones and now we have this issue. Really? Where'd you hear that? I mean, that's on the internet, Joe. Oh.

Well, as long as it's on the internet. I mean, it's there. But I mean, but now every theory has as much weight as any other theory. Right now. Right now. Yeah. Because everything's- There's some legit scientists that are actually, like one of the things they found out is that the origins of the virus in New York City,

it comes directly from Europe. Apparently they can tell that. Interesting. Somehow. I have no idea. Find out how they can tell. Do they trace it back to like patient zero? No.

With like the first part? I don't think so. Oh, they don't do that? I don't think so. They do some sort of tracing, right? Because that's the new hot topic of Google and Apple working together to get tracing software. See, that's what scares me. We talked about that the other day.

If you have to have everything on your phone, like showing that you're positive. You have to have a phone everywhere. You have to take out your card that you're positive to get into Applebee's. Yeah, Adam Curry sent me this whole thing saying this is why I have a flip phone. You know Adam Curry, the original podfather? And he's saying that he won't. He won't do it. Yeah, most coronavirus cases in New York City can be traced back to Europe, not Asia, research shows.

What is the research, though? What does it say? Research tracking the spread of coronavirus determined that the virus has been circulating in New York City for a couple of months since before the testing began. Genetic sequencing of virus samples indicates that most of the early cases in New York originated in Europe, not Asia. So it's some sort of genetic sequencing research team studied samples of the virus taken from 91 New York patients. As viruses evolve during transmission,

from person to person, their sequences can help research. This is what scares the fuck out of me. Just that statement. As viruses evolve during transmission. These fucking things, they morph and twist. it seems like it's almost like a different thing with different people like I was reading about George Stephanopoulos and yes his wife he has it his wife has it his wife is deathly ill he doesn't feel a goddamn thing that's crazy yeah well they're also the media is not helping

because there's a lot of they're circulating these uh stories that aren't necessarily the truth or they're not like the media will be like coronavirus lives 13 feet away from you and then you read the article and buried in the article the they go well doctors don't really know if these particles are infectious or so it's like why do you have an article where the boldface headline is, coronavirus 13 feet away, 19 feet away. And then in the article you go, well, you haven't even determined if you can get sick. It's very irresponsible. But that's what they do today.

News is strange today. Because they're just trying to sell papers. Right. Not papers. They're trying to sell clicks. Yeah. They want people to pay attention to their articles. So's clickbait yeah it's fucking real weird man and then the other half of that is nobody the guys who don't believe anything where they're on twitter a

nurse will put something on twitter she's like you know uh you know it's been a rough day and she's crying and then the first tweet a guy's like liar it's like oh my god there are people that are like you're a liar i know what's going on i'm like you're a are like, you're a liar. I know what's going on. I'm like- You're a conflict actor. Yeah, you're a crisis actor. Show me the ward. Like there's people being demanded to get into ERs, you know? They're like, show me the ER. Show me. It's like, God.

TikTok with nurses. See, here's the deal. Yeah, that's crazy. Well, here's the deal. There are some places where the hospitals are overwhelmed, and there's some places where the hospitals are empty. You know why? Yeah. Because the world's big. Yeah. Okay? It's places where the hospitals are empty. You know why? Yeah.

Because the world's big. Yeah. Okay? It's just like grizzly bears. Right. You know, if you're like, well, grizzly bears are almost extinct. Go to fucking Wyoming and get eaten. Right.

Okay? If you're in Wyoming and you're camping, you might get eaten. Right. They're there. Yeah. There's a lot of them in Montana. Yeah. They're there.

Yeah. But they're not in New York City. But even in a hospital that's not busy, some nurse has got to go, let's not do the TikTok dance today. I don't know. Some nurse has got to go, hey guys, let's not do the TikTok dance today. Bullshit. Cut them a break.

I don't know. They should be able to do whatever the fuck they want. I don't know, man. Even if you're in an empty hospital and you're a nurse, you might deal with a COVID-19 patient. You might get it. You might die. That's tough. Yeah. It's very bad. I say let them dance. Okay. I don't know. I don't know.

This is what I mean. This is what I mean. There's probably COVID patients dying while they're doing that. Maybe not, though. I don't know. Who knows? That's possible, too. I don't know what to believe. I don't know. One day I wake too I don't know what to believe I don't know One day I wake up

I go this virus is fake The next The next day I wake up I go I'm gonna die Today So I don't know what to believe You know when it gets me?

Yeah In the middle of the night In the middle of the night Cause I'm a moron And I like to Drink a lot of water Before I go to bed

Yeah Like an asshole Okay So I wake up at like 3 o'clock in the morning. I'll convince myself I don't have to pee. I'm like, please, just stay in bed. And then I get up and piss like a racehorse. And while I'm peeing, then I start thinking, like, what if it changes? What if it gets worse?

What if it becomes like the H1N1 flu? What if it becomes as deadly as one of these horrific flus, but transmits the same way that this one? What if it – so you're running all these scenarios. Well, it's interesting. It's like I also think about – and I'm not saying the virus is not – I mean, I don't know. People say it could be man-made. But look at the world before this happened, right? You had the Yellow Vest protests in France.

You had the Yellow Vest protests in France. You had the Hong Kong protest. You had a lot of populist movements, a lot of uprisings in first world countries like France. You saw things happening that you didn't see before. And after the virus, you know, after this has gotten bad now, that's impossible. I mean, you can't protest. You can't do anything now. You can't leave your house. Yes. Yeah. But I think it's way more likely that what we're dealing with is just a virus. Sure. And that this is the consequences of the virus is that things are getting locked down. What's really bothering me is this idea that once you get control of people, that they're not going to let go.

get control of people that they're not going to let go. That if they start taking away civil liberties, if they started moving you through checkpoints when you want to travel and you have to, and you're on your car, you have to wait and they have to scan you or check your temperature. Like that stuff. I mean, are they going to let that go once a vaccine gets through?

No. I mean, it's like nine 11. All of that is still left in place, right? All the powers that the federal government gave themselves after 9-11 have only been expanded in the years since. Obama only expanded Bush-era executive power, and he's been able to do. And now everybody's concerned now, but it's like the time to be concerned was probably

a long time ago, because now these things have become so big. And so Orwellian, like, I mean, you know, but yet this is going to be a problem. Do you, I think it'll be possible that you won't be able to get into maybe a sporting event or a concert without walking through like some type of infrared sensor that detects if you have a fever. Yeah, for sure. You know, they're going to, well, they're doing it in China. In China, they're, they're testing your temperature. The fever gun. Yeah, they have a little gun and test your-

And if you have a temperature, they put you in a- They cremate you. They cremate you and put you in an urn. So it's a good way to get the virus when it's young. Did you see the protest that they did have where the people were protesting because they're building a crematorium near them? No. Oh, here. That's hilarious.

Yeah, it's dark. I mean, it's dark. It's dark. So they don't want a crematorium near them? No. That's hilarious. Yeah, it's dark. I mean, it's dark. They don't want a crematorium near them. Well, it's not that. They're protesting for a bunch of reasons, but the real concern is that they're killing people that have the disease. The real concern is that they're lying about the number of people that died from the disease.

Like only 3,000 people died from the disease. 200,000 had it, but we killed them. Right. 10 million had it yeah, they're they're in an urn you got it Well, okay, the 21 million cell phone thing was spook locals protest against cremation of dark. No, that's on it No, no, there's a crematorium here. I'll send it to you. Give me just give me a second China's efficient though. Here's the thing with China. They're an efficient country. And they're not emotional. No. And they get things done.

Efficient's a weird way of putting it. Well, I'm putting a positive spin on it. Yeah. But I'm sure that, you know, listen, there are negatives to that level of efficiency. Here, Jamie, I'm sending it to you right now. Protest break out in China last month over crematorium plans in Maoming. Yeah, Chinese riot police fired tear gas and beat up protesters at Guangdong province. Have you ever been there?

Did shows there or anything like that? No, but I have gone through the airport in Taiwan, which they won't admit. It's like Taiwan is not a part of China, according to them. Right. But China thinks Taiwan doesn't exist. And so the World Health Organization, did you see that whole thing where the guy wouldn't admit that Taiwan was a place? Right.

They were asking him about Taiwan. He's like, I think China's done a wonderful job. Yeah. What about Taiwan? He's like, click, hung up. Right. Came back. Great.

Just, well, we lost you right before we were talking about Taiwan. He's like, what about Taiwan? He's like, click, hung up, came back, just, well, we lost you right before we were talking about Taiwan. He's like, yes, well, let's move on. I think China's done a wonderful job. They're in the pocket of Taiwan. It's a real country. Yes, they're in the pocket of China. Of course. For sure. But when we were there, what's shocking

is they're accustomed to violating people's space. They just bump into you. I mean, they bump into you like- The people? Yeah, they walk right through you. Well, there's so many of them, right? They're used to just walking right through you.

But I saw this old lady walk right through my 10-year-old. Just walk right through her. Really? On a plane. Just boom. Wow. Knocked her out of the way. My daughter's like, what the fuck?

Yeah. She just got fucked up by an elderly Chinese woman. And it was this weird thing. It's like, okay, if we were in Alabama, I would fucking crack this lady. Right. But here we are in China. It's their culture. Yeah.

I'm like, all right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You just got to let it go. It's just how it goes. Got to let it go. She's not being rude.

This is like a part of what they do. This is what they do. They just walk right over people. Yeah. There's a lot of people. That's why China's like, we can stand to lose a few. Yeah. They definitely-

Well, they definitely have a lower value of people. Yeah, there's a lot of people. That's why China's like, we can stand to lose a few. Yeah, they definitely have a lower value of people. Yeah. If you have, I mean, that just makes sense. If there's a billion people, you care about them less. Yeah. I don't know how much. We don't care about the numbers. Yeah, we don't care about people here that much, though. Here?

Yeah. You don't think so? No, I mean, not that much. Well, if we didn't care about people, we wouldn't be doing what we're doing. I know that we do care about people, but we also have, you know, a lot of people going out, exposed, working in, you know, supermarkets,

places like that, and we're not doing anything for them, you know? Well, they wear masks. What are we doing for them? Well, some of them don't have masks. I mean, I think that, like, those people should get paid, you know, holiday pay or extra pay. Hazard pay. You know, they should. They should be given the right equipment. They should probably give them some low interest rate loans.

I think it's just a function of the fact that the supermarkets weren't prepared for a pandemic. I don't think that they don't care. But they're also, I think, if you just look at the fact that we shut everything down. Well, why did we shut everything down? We shut everything down to protect old people. This is the whole idea behind this. Old people and vulnerable people. Yeah, I know some young people die, but it's a very low percentage.

Yes, it's mainly old people. It's mainly old people, and they did a thing on California, how many people died. We have a very low number of people that have died. I think there's something like 30 people died yesterday, and that was the high. Yeah, that's not bad. No, it's not. It's far less than people who would have died. I think there's something like 30 people died yesterday. Yeah. And that was the high. Yeah. That's not bad. No, it's not. It's far less than people who would have died had we let everyone out of their houses. Yeah.

Most of them were like 65 to 80 and a few of them, like a couple, were 40 to 60. Yeah. Which that starts to get Yeah. That gets weird. It gets weird. But you gotta go, okay. High risk category. What happened? Were you on some other medication that made you vulnerable?

Were you ill already? Right. Did you have some sort of a lung disorder? Were you a smoker? Yeah. A lot of smokers are getting it hard, man. Yeah, I mean, I don't smoke every day, but I'll have a cigarette occasionally, like outside a comedy store.

And now I don't do that at all because I don't want to be you know drowning you know they say you feel like you're drowning when you have this you feel like you're you can't get a breath because you're you're drowning I don't want no cigarette is worth that well that's also how you die if cigarettes if I well that's a good point but years from now but if I do have the antibody test if I have antibodies I will just smoke an entire pack of Marlboro Lights tonight. See, this is what we were talking about earlier. I don't believe that they know whether or not you can catch this thing twice.

I know, that's true. In China, people have tested twice. Well, that could have been a false positive on either end. Or it could be that you get it again. It's true. Yeah, I don't think they know yet. If this really is some sort of a man-made concocted virus, maybe that makes sense. Maybe that makes sense that that's why it's acting so weird.

It's different in different people. They don't understand it. Or maybe it's just a really particular peculiar virus. And that's why it can come back. They don't know. They don't know. But they do know that this mean This is a bigger NPR article people are testing positive again who had been confirmed as negative in Wuhan I think it yeah in China and then Korea they had a few of those cases

I'm just the Korean ones way more South Korea. Yeah, the South Korea said 14% or something amount of people seem to have tested positive again Which I mean which is scary because that could be another strain Or it could be like herpes it stays in your system and pops out again Like when your immune system or if we've all had it in five years, we're all gonna die You know my buddy Justin Ren he runs this He has this nonprofit charity organization fight for the forgotten. They build wells for the pygmies in the Congo Yeah, and he got malaria when he was in the Congo, and he got it again He's got it three times, but he got it one time when he got sick when he's home

He got sick at home and the malaria came back. Oh it came back Wow yeah Fucked that's fucked Yeah It's like it was somehow another Dormant in his system and then when his immune system was shattered by whatever cold or flu he got, the malaria kicked back in again. Did he take that hydroxychloroquine? I don't know what he took.

He's taking a bunch of different shit. And he actually got really sick. What was that stuff that he said he got sick from, Jamie? He actually had toxic doses of this one malaria medication. They've had issues with soldiers and people that are deployed in malaria-infested areas where they take this stuff and they get this toxic reaction to this stuff. And he had taken much more than they were taking. He had taken a very large dose.

He didn't know that it was really toxic until too late. Well, yeah, the drug hydroxychloroquine is working. People say that it is. I've talked to doctors that say it is absolutely helping people, but it's a very serious drug. So you have to be careful with it. But they say it's like the Lazarus effect. People are getting up and walking out of hospitals. You know?

Like, it is doing that. The azithromycin. That's nice to think. It's good to think. I mean, Whitney has some of it in her house. Does she? Of course she does. Yeah, yeah.

She's got it all. She's got a ventilator. She's killing it. She has a ventilator? She's got a ventilator. She's killing it. She has a ventilator? She's got two ventilators. No, I'm kidding. I'm joking. I don't want to get her in trouble.

No, she's got the hydroxy. She's got azithromycin. I mean, she's ready. She's ready to go. But that's the thing. You know, if you've done well and you're successful, you can go out

and get all the things. Yeah. You know, that's partially, you know, it's like guys like me are in trouble. But, you know, guys like yourself, you could get a ventilator. I'll hook you up.

You could have a ventilator immediately almost if you wanted a ventilator. That's great. I'm much more concerned with strengthening my immune system. Right. You know, that's what I'm doing. Do you think we take too many over-the-counter medications and that kills our immune system? Well, for some people, they definitely do do some people take a lot of antibiotics because my mother growing up would take pseudofed she'd take all that stuff the stuff's terrible for you it's bad for you yeah

well one of the things is ibuprofen michael yo told me that his one of his buddies who's a doctor when he was feeling really shitty before they diagnosed him with COVID-19. His doctor said, or this doctor who's a friend of his said, take, I believe he said, take three Advil or three to five. I forget what the number was. Every, what is it? How many milligrams are they? I don't know. I think he told him take three every five hours. And he said he immediately got much worse.

And I've heard this from many people. Now, I don't know if there's a connection, and I've read that there isn't a connection. But according to Michael Yeo, that was when it was a tipping point for him, when he started taking ibuprofen, these non-steroidal anti-inflammatories. That stuff is terrible for you. France said not to take it. France said take acetaminophen, take the other. Veterans say report on anti-malaric droplet.

That's right. Methloquin downplays side effects. See, this is the, that's the stuff that Justin took. Yeah, and he took a huge dose of it. And he got really fucked up from that stuff, too. So that's what disturbs me, is that things could be a virus that stays somehow or another in your body. Yeah, that's creepy. Herpes is a virus, right?

I think so. Yeah. You keep that shit for life. You keep it forever. HIV you keep forever. So these are, yeah. Yeah. Well, HIV, at least your body tests negative.

Are they only testing for the antibodies when we take this test? Yes. Okay. Well, they can do the test test if you'd like to test test. Don't be scared. Yeah. Come on, bro. I think it would be funny if people were getting that negative for a corona, but then somebody's like, you do have HIV.

Like, that would be hilarious to me. HIV's like not that big a deal anymore. It's not a big deal. Yeah, for me, it would be fine. The doctor would be like, it's the healthiest thing about you, HIV. They'd be like, AIDS helps you. We'd be like, this is great. AIDS is fighting off the flu. Have you had the thing done? AIDS is like, he's mine.

Yeah, right. Yeah, I had the antibody done. I don't have anything. I was hoping I had the antibodies. I want the antibodies. I was hoping that I had caught it. I want the antibodies. So then Meghan McCain could go to Wuhan eat a bat

That would be fun Could I fly to China would I be allowed to fly to China if I had the antibodies ago? I'm going to Wuhan you should do a comedy special as Meghan McCain. I'm Your whole special she's already gonna have me killed. So I I left her alone. She had a pregnancy announcement I'm like, I'm not gonna do a joke about that. God bless. Congrats. She hates me. Do you think she does? Yeah, I know somebody who knows her well. She doesn't like me. You know, it is

what it is. I get it. It's fine. But I don't get it. A lot of the people I've made fun of in that sense don't like me. Okay, but you're not really her. Okay, you're doing a character. It should be funny. That is true. I agree. The people are very sensitive. We live in a very sensitive world.

I guess. And I did say she wanted to have sex with her dad. Yeah, but it was funny. Very funny. But part of that, I think, disturbed her. What made her mad is that she told a friend of mine, she goes, I didn't like that he made fun of my weight, which is interesting. Oh, that's hilarious.

I said she had a baby with her dad. She didn't care about that. But she didn't like. But you know, a big guy putting a wig on saying, I'm you. It's not, it's not exactly, it's not, you know, positive. It's not flattering. That's the word. Yeah, it's not flattering.

But this is. But comedy rarely is. But now in a pandemic, everyone's got like, the woke shit's got to be over now, right? It's not. It's coming back, man. The woke, we're in a pandemic, everyone's got like the woke shit's got to be over now, right? It's not. It's coming back. We're in a pandemic. I understand. But the liberals have been home with nothing to do for a month.

And then they're firing it up again. They're writing articles like this is a gendered crisis. Nurses are women. It's like, oh, God. I've seen that. Enough. Well, Bill Maher went hard to paint. He did. And he was right.

He was right. Yeah. But he was also not totally right because he was defending the use of the term Chinese virus. But really, correctly termed, it would be the Wuhan virus. Yeah, but everyone knows. Right, right. Everyone knows that it originated in China. Yes.

But if you called it the Wuhan virus, it would be historically accurate. Right. Because racists who are going to do hate crimes wouldn't know if Wuhan was in China. Like, they would be like, is it somewhere else? No, that's not what I'm saying. Right. You're generalizing an entire continent, or an entire country at least. Yeah.

An enormous country. It's just a subset, a small section of it that had the virus. Well, it's like the examples they used was like Lyme disease came from Lyme, Connecticut. But if something came out of Colorado and it was killing everybody in China. Well, it did. Rocky Mountain ticks. Would they say in China, would they call it that in China? Would they say the U.S. flu?

The American bug? I don't know. I've never talked to someone in Chinese. I mean, it's a way to generalize it. It's sloppy. But listen, this is the way it's been done for years. Yeah, but there's a clear reason why. Look, Trump, first of all, they were in heated trade negotiations with China.

Right. So he wants to rub it in their face. China. China, yeah. China. And he also wants to take attention away from the fact that we were not prepared. And he knew. And everyone knew.

Not only him. Nancy Pelosi. All of these people. Even Fauci. All of these guys came out and said, this is nothing to worry about. But Trump is the president. The buck stops with him. He could have ordered tests.

He could have been more vigilant. He didn't do it. Well, they were all saying not to worry about it. Everyone. The World Health Organization in January was saying that it does not transmit from person to person. Yeah, but if you listen, if you're skeptical of China and you're skeptical of the World Health Organization, as he's very skeptical of China, you got to- But the World Health Organization up until then had not been criticized the way it's

been criticized now. Of course. But you still have to, I think, if you're the president, you're in a leadership position, you have to be like, wait a minute, what are we not knowing? The CIA wrote him a memo saying this could be a big problem. I mean, we knew, we were watching it happen for two months in another country. We're watching this happen in China. And I'm not saying that he could have prevented the pandemic, but like, dude, get the tests.

Give them to New York. Give them to certain big areas. You know, scale up the testing. So what do you think he did wrong? He didn't scale up the testing? I don't think he scaled. No, he didn't scale up the testing. I don't know if it's, first of all, is it him? Is he the one who does this? He's the testing. So what do you think he did wrong? He didn't scale up the testing? I don't think he scaled up No, he didn't scale up the testing. I don't know if it's

first of all, is it him? Is he the one who does this? He's the president. Okay, but stop. Do you even know? Like when you say he should have done this do you even know what was possible to do? Well, first of all, he could have, the Defense Production Act, which I don't think he's, he could have invoked that after this happened

to force companies to make certain things Right, but there was a lot of people that were thinking that this was just going to be like the flu. If the president of the United States said, we need more tests for this, absolutely we would have had more tests. But do you understand that they didn't even have a test? Yeah. Because it's a novel coronavirus? It's a new thing.

Yeah, but there were tests in other countries that were being used. I mean, Germany did this, right? What did they do? They had more testing. They've kept their mortality rates down. They've kept their mortality rates down. They think there's had more testing. They've kept their mortality rates down. They've kept their mortality rates down. They think there's a bunch of reasons why Germany kept their mortality rates down. But here's the other thing.

They follow rules better. Taiwan did it. South Korea. I mean, now they're having second waves. But up until recently, Taiwan had very few cases just right by China. But again, a lot of it was testing. So, I mean, I think the China virus issue helps him deflect from any... And I mean, listen, you can't go out during a pandemic when nurses are wearing garbage

bags and falling down and go, hey, my press conferences are getting the biggest ratings they've ever gotten. No, that was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. I mean, you can't do that. I mean, that's crazy. No, that was just crazy. That's crazy. But that's him.

He's a fucking weird guy, man. Yeah. But he also did shut down travel from China quickly. That was good. That was smart. And people were saying he was a racist. Well, yeah. Well, Chuck Schumer should be held to account for that.

Yeah. Yeah. They really should. Because that was the correct thing to do. I don't think he could have prevented this. I'm just saying there's got to be a better system than the one we have where states are bidding for this equipment. There's got to be a way.

And that $1,200 stimulus that people are going to get is not helping anybody. No, that's not enough. But when you say states are bidding, what are you talking about? I don't think the federal government has the ability or we don't have the ability to get states equipment. So states are bidding for it. There's something going on where a lot of states are going outside the system to secure their, which part of their responsibility is to do, but it's just, there's got to be a better system going forward.

Yeah. Well, they didn't see this coming. I mean, in terms of needing ventilators, you go back to November or December, nobody thought that three months from now, the entire country is going to be shut down and we're going to need ventilators everywhere. No, of course not. And some hospitals may not need ventilators. But you've got to look at a city like New York, and you've got to look at what's happening

in China, and you've got to go, there's a high population density there. We should probably try to shore up some of those hospitals. Yeah. I mean, otherwise, what the hell does, you know, what's the point? The people who run the hospitals, the administration of the hospitals, isn't their responsibility to make sure that they have PPE in place? The fact these people are wearing garbage bags, they don't have enough masks. Well, I don't think any hospital is prepared for a pandemic.

Why don't they? I think certain people have to direct them to do that. Right, but when you're talking about just masks, how the fuck don't they have a large supply of masks on hand? It's not financially prohibitive. I mean, that I don't know. I have no idea. They know now. But there's got to be some responsibility.

Yeah. It might be state government. It could be local government. But there's got to be some responsibility. Yeah, somebody fucked up. Somebody fucked up. But it's also a new thing. I mean, we haven't had to deal with something like this before.

Well, we had H1N1. We had swine flu, right? How'd they stop that? I don't know. You know, Bert had that? Did Bert have it? Yeah, Bert had it. That's hilarious. Bert almost died, he said. Really? Well, that's H1N1. We had swine flu, right? How'd they stop that? I don't know, but that didn't seem- You know, Bert had that? Did Bert have it? Yeah, Bert had it. That's hilarious.

Bert almost died, he said. Really? Well, that's not funny. Sorry. Yeah, he said he was sick as he's ever been, in constant pain, said he couldn't sleep. I don't remember hearing that much about swine flu, about H1N1. He could have just been drunk. He was probably hammered.

He didn't get checked. He probably saw something about swine flu as he was passing out. I think I got it. And he's like, that's why I have swine flu. I got the flu. That's what I have. Yeah. I don't know, man.

It's, I mean, all we're doing is just talking. Yeah. This is the thing. It's like everybody's sort of talking around in circles. Yeah. And we're hoping it gets better. Well, I'm a microbiologist. I tell people I'm a microbiologist, you know, because nobody knows anything, so I can know

as much as anyone else. And the governor wants to shut down this state for another month. Today's the 13th, another month and two days, which is kind of crazy. It's not going to happen. I don't know if that'll happen. What do you mean? He's the governor. People are going to go out.

I mean, people get, you know, my friend called me the other day. He goes, hey, man, you want to come to an Easter thing? I'm like, wait, what? He's like, yeah, it's only like 12 people. I'm like, I don't think that's. Coughing at each other. I'm like, you know, and then he sent me yeah, it's only like 12 people. I'm like, I don't think that's- Coughing on each other. I'm like, you know, and then he sent me pictures of it. It looked beautiful.

But, you know- Where was it? It was in Beverly Hills. I'm mad I didn't go. But what if three weeks later, half of them are dead? Well, I mean, hopefully they are. Yeah? You know, because I didn't go.

So I hope they die. I hope they drop dead. I hope you made a good decision. Yeah. I look now and I want to choose who dies. I go, I'd like them to go. Who do you choose? Just friends of mine that I've had enough of.

Just people I could, you know. What gets you? You know what gets me? Yeah. When they lie about how well they did on stage. Well, that's annoying. It's time to go. That's annoying.

Have a good set. I watched a little bit of it. There was a guy in Long Island who used to tell us all the time when we were very young in comedy, he'd sit in the green room and he would give us a speech about how to do stand-up. And then he'd go on stage and bomb horribly and then he'd walk off stage and then look at us and he would go,

they were good. And he would just walk out. Like he wasn't even there. Some people aren't even there. Yeah. They don't even know what's happening. They don't know if the audience is applauding or not. Well, they put up a shield.

They put up some sort of a psychic shield to protect themselves from reality. Yeah. Not good. A lot of people are doing that. But isn't that the case? The guys who give the most advice in the green room before they go on stage are the ones who suck the most. Yeah.

It's always horrible. And I was in sales. Nobody who ever made money gave you advice. They just walked by you like you didn't exist. Everyone who sits down. It's true. Everybody who's making money walks by you like you're not real. When somebody starts bullshitting, like in sales, I used to give people advice.

I would close no deals. I'd make no money. I would literally make no money. What were you selling? I was selling subprime mortgages. Oh, boy. Yeah, but it was good for a while. And then the government got involved and ruined that.

Ruined that. We were just trying to help people. Yeah. And we were. People deserve homes, Joe, whether they have jobs or not. They deserve to have a pool. They were giving people homes with no jobs. Well, that's the other thing.

And then everybody goes back and they're like, everybody was, the banks robbed all these people. It's like they were in on it. Everyone was in on it. Everybody buying a house, for the most part, knew what they were doing. They all knew. Yeah. Yeah.

You would have to call somebody. They thought they could pull it off. You'd have to call somebody and be like, hey, you know your brother owns a Toyota dealership in Queens? Can he say you work there? And they'd go, yeah. Yeah. Of course.

Some guy would just write like, yeah, Sarah works here. She kills it. Makes eight grand a month slinging Toyotas on Northern Boulevard. None of it was true. And then we'd give her a loan for $400,000. And she'd buy a house. Yeah. And she'd buy a house.

And then she'd see those. And then the thing about the changing of the mortgage payments. Yeah. That's what really fucked people up. So two years you would get, there was something called the pick a payment option. I mean, it's great. So you had four options to pay. You know, usually a mortgage, you pay your principal mean, it's great. So you had four options to pay. Usually a mortgage, you pay your principal interest, taxes, and insurance.

Here you had four. One was like you could pay 1%, like a credit card. You could pay 1%. You could pay only interest. That was the second option. You could pay 30-year regular option, or you could pay like a 15-year if you really wanted to pay it off quickly. Nobody paid the 15 or the 30. Very few people did the interest only.

They did 1%, so that deferred interest, and it, so you would pay your mortgage and it would balloon, it would go up. Like, you would pay 1%, and your mortgage would go up every year, and then eventually you got to a point where, then it would just readjust, and your mortgage payment would go up like $2,700.

And didn't your mortgage adjust with some of them, depending upon the market? Yeah, so like two years into a loan, two or three years into a loan, I had a house. I bought a house that was $22,000. This was not smart. But when you're drunk and on cocaine, I sold myself a house. How much?

$700,000. What? $650,000. No, you didn't. Well, that's a big rule. You're not supposed to scam yourself. I scammed myself. That was, you know, you're on cocaine.

You were 22. Yeah, I bought a $650,000 house. That is fucking hilarious. In Long Island. Yeah. It was not the best choice. It was big. It had an acre lot going back.

It was deep. I thought they were going to, developers were going to sell. Like, I would just stand outside my house smoking cigarettes being like, developers are eventually going to buy up my yard. Like, I was, you know, on drugs. And I thought this was all going to work out. And I had a two-year mortgage and then it ballooned and it went from what it was to like, you know, it went up. How much were you paying a month? I think in the beginning, it was $4,400 in the beginning.

That was a good payment. And then it would like get, yeah, it was bad. That400 in the beginning. That was a good payment. And then it would like get- Yeah, it was bad. That's a lot. It's a lot of money. It's a lot. It was a lot of money. Yeah, but I rented the house.

Yeah, I rented the house out. What did it balloon to? It ballooned to like well over six. So yeah, it was well over six. And then that was the first adjustment. Yeah. It was a problem. Holy shit.

22. And I was working in mortgages and I thought it was going to work out. Like I thought we were all going to be okay. Because everybody I knew was, you know, 27 years old and they were making $30,000 a month and they were driving like, you know, Porsches. So I said, this is just going to go on forever. So after taxes. And President George W. Bush said we were building an ownership society.

You had to make a hundred grand a year just to pay your mortgage after taxes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's so crazy. It was destined to fail. When I look back now, it wasn't smart.

Did they take it from you? But I don't know. I just left one day. What? I just walked out. Yeah, just one day I left. I mean, you can't stay. Whoever's coming isn't going to be able to.

So they just repossessed it? I would imagine they took it, yes. I mean, it was day I left. I mean, you can't stay. Whoever's coming isn't going to be happy. So they just repossessed it? I would imagine they took it, yes. I mean, it was 10 years ago. Do you have a credit card today? I mean, I'm in L.A. now dressing up as Meghan McCain. So I just got my credit reestablished recently. I just got it reestablished, yeah. That's hilarious.

Yeah, well, it's not good yet. It's got to get built. They give you like seven years. I just write you as a cosigner on everything. I just write Joe Rogan. No, but it's seven years before. It's got to get built. They give you like seven years. I just write you as a cosigner on everything. I just write Joe Rogan. No, but it's seven years before it fell off the credit report. I had a buddy of mine who knew that he was going to go bankrupt. Yeah.

This was in the 90s, like early 2000s. Yeah. So he decided what he was going to do was get a bunch of credit cards and run them up like big time. That's the American dream. credit cards and run them up like big time. Good for him. That's the American dream. So what he did was just go to strip clubs and

go crazy with his credit cards for months and months and months and never paid anything. They knew what he was going to do and then went bankrupt. Listen, smart. Trump's done it a bunch. Bankruptcy is the move. Did he go bankrupt? His businesses went bankrupt. He filed

chapter whatever it is. Yeah, chapter 11. But I mean, it's smart. A lot of people do it. It's the way to live. You know what's interesting? You can never do that with student loans. Well, student loans, because they think that whatever money you make in your life is the direct result of the money they gave you to get that degree.

This is what's interesting. Even if you're not doing anything that has anything to do with that degree, they're like, listen, fucker, we gave you that money so you could be a vet tech. So you owe us. You wouldn't be doing your shitty job if not for Sally Mae. I don't think they even think about it that way. You don't think so? No.

Well, then what the fuck you? They just take you when you're a kid, when your fucking frontal lobe isn't fully formed. Yeah. And they force a loan onto you because you don't want to be a loser. I don't feel bad for any of those kids. I don't feel bad for any of them. None? Because they could have sold subprime mortgages.

You know, fuck them. Listen, I went to community college and dropped out. I don't feel bad for anybody who takes $200,000 out and gets a degree in gender studies. It's, you know, fuck them. Whatever. Pay it. Or don't pay it. Okay, gender studies, I hear you.

Yeah. But the thing is, like, the reason why they're doing it in the first place is because they don't want to be a loser. And then they get strapped down with this insane amount of debt. That's true. That turns them into a loser. Well, a lot of them aren't losers. A lot of them are just paying back something and it's annoying.

Right? Dude, there's people that are getting their social security docked. Yeah. And there's people I've heard of selling security docked. Yeah, and there's people I've heard of selling blood to pay it back. It is bad, but I don't think the majority of them are in that position. But here's the thing. If you buy other things and you go bankrupt,

you don't have to pay it back. Right. But you have to pay back your student loans no matter what. So my advice to those people is to pay the student loans and then fuck everything else, you know? Or don't get a student loan. Or don't get a student loan. Just the fact that it Pay the student loans and then fuck everything else. You know? I mean.

Or don't get a student loan. Or don't get a student loan. Just the fact that it operates under a different rule and it's the one thing that seems not mandatory, but really, really, really enforced. I mean, it's a thing that's like encouraged to the extreme. Go to college, get a degree. Well, don't you think that's changing? Don't you think people are going to start to realize that college in and of itself, without a

very specific goal, is probably... And the reason that the student loans are this expensive is because the government backs them, right? So that's the whole reason they're expensive. Because the government guarantees them. It's the same reason that a lot of healthcare is expensive. It's like, companies know a percentage of it is going to be paid by the government. It's guaranteed.

So I think you just got to kind of decouple the government from a lot of these schools. And then schools are like, okay, we can't charge 40 grand a year because no one will pay it. Well, what I'm hoping is that it's going to be like, like my kids right now are in virtual school. Interesting. They're home and they're sitting in front of the computer and the teacher like gives them examples and they talk about things. The teacher can see them in little windows. Oh, so the teacher is like, is it like zoom?

It's zoom. Everything's on zoom. Our whole life is on zoom. The teacher can click on each individual person, see them full screen and ask them about stuff. The kids can talk about it. They're in front. It's real. It's real weird, man, because here's the thing. You know, if you're paying whatever the fuck you're paying for, what is a, say, if you're

going to a real, going to Yale, what does that cost a year? 70 grand, 60 grand, something very expensive. A lot of these courses are available right now online You could just take a Yale course well. I know MIT has yeah Didn't Lex Friedman talk about that that the courses are all available online for free Interesting so you can go there in person, but that seems so retro Yeah, why do you have to go to a physical place? I guess is a good social experience people don't, people can't watch their kids, right? That's the big problem.

It's really childcare. Like, if you look at what schools are, it's a way to get your kid out of your hair for eight or 10 hours a day. Because most people have to go to work. They don't have any, they don't have, they can't afford to pay somebody to watch their kids. What do you mean? You mean school, school for little kids?

Yeah, for little kids. Yeah. Or even high school. Dude, even in high school. Well, there's a little bit of that, but it's a lot. Some people need structured environments. There's a lot they learn socially. Yes.

It's very important for them. It's not just structured environment. It's also experiencing being around people and learning how to interact with them. The weirdest motherfuckers I've ever been around were homeschooled. Yeah, homeschooling is interesting. Dude, I know a guy who's homeschooled and he's so fucking awkward and he's in his 30s. He's just so, he doesn't know

how to hang. He can't hang. He never learned how to hang. No one's ever fucked with him. He doesn't know how to deal with people jabbing him and just fucking around with him. He's like, ooh! He doesn't get it. Is he mentally ill?

No, he's a smart guy in terms of like, he can rattle off facts. Why did his parents homeschool him? Religion. That's part of it, yeah. It's a lot of it, man. Most of them. Deep, deep, real Christian stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Antivax, too. A lot of weird shit. Antivax. The whole deal. You're going to take apple cider vinegar and it's going to cure everything. We're going to trust Bill and Melinda Gates, you know.

With the vaccines? I mean, they're going all over the third world sticking a needle in anything. I mean, those two are- What are you talking about? They are. They are. It's a fact. They're trying to use-

Short. Listen, they're trying to help people if it works. Pause. Pause. What do you think would be their motive? First of all, Bill Gates literally has $90 billion. He's trying to do good things with his money and trying to use his money for philanthropy. Sure.

But hold on. The idea that these fucking crackpot conspiracy theories have that Bill Gates is the antichrist because he wants to get people inoculated with vaccines and viruses, that he's somehow or another trying to control people. Bill Gates has everything. He doesn't need anything more. I agree. He's not trying to get anything more.

He's making no attempts to control markets, no attempts to get to like $1,000 billion. 100%. He's not doing that. He's using his foundation to try to help people get healthy, help people get internet, help people get running water. But they have. I mean, listen, they've done things in the third world. Like they've introduced certain vaccines and stuff that have had adverse health consequences

for people. Like what? I mean, you can look it up. This has literally happened. I mean, they've been involved with things where it hasn't gone well. But when you say something like that, if you don't want to get sued by the richest man in the world, and you're going to, he's coming after you right now.

I will gladly get in a high profile legal battle with Bill Gates right now about vaccines. What do you think about vaccines? No, I think they're fine for the most part. But if he wants to sue me because of something I said on a podcast, let's go. It could only help my career. What do you say he did? No, it can't. No, he went to, listen, I don't research these companies, but I know for a fact that, you

know, he's been involved in vaccine things that did not go well. Where'd you read this? I read it. Prisonplanet.com? No, no, I read it. This is a fact. This is a reality. You can't just, listen, people have issues with vaccines.

When you're saying it's a fact, you have to be able to reference what you... But if you don't, you don't really have enough information to say it's a fact. Well, it's something that's been reported and it's been credibly reported. By who? See what I'm saying? No, it's been credibly reported. Gates Foundation accused of dangerously skewing aid priorities by promoting corporate globalization. Look at the people in the back of that photo.

They don't look happy. What does that mean? They don't look happy. That's not what we're asking. We're talking about adverse reactions to vaccines. Yeah, Jamie. But let me see that article title again. What a bizarre title.

Look at this. Accused of, click on it please, dangerously skewing aid priorities by promoting corporate globalization. What does that mean? Why is there so many quotes around everything? Everything's in one umbrella, right? Like his company, his health initiatives, all of these things work together. And that you have to trust that everybody's motives are pure. I don't think he's trying to depopulate the world.

But these people stand to make lots and lots of money if people adopt certain vaccines, right? Or certain things that are maybe medically advantageous, maybe not. Maybe necessary, maybe not. Pause. There's definitely an issue when money's involved with any sort of treatment. Yeah. And this is one of the issues that a lot of the conspiracy theorists bring up when it comes to ventilators, that a hospital gets X amount if someone gets brought into intensive care, and then they get Y amount if they're put on a ventilator.

So they're saying, well, there's a motivation to put people on ventilators. Yeah. Perhaps. I would hope never, but there have been cases of people doing surgery on people that didn't need it. There have been cases of people doing things to people and treatments on people where it wasn't necessary to provide something. So they wanted to make money and they do things to people just to make money, not to make

them better. That has happened. I think there was something in India, if you look at Bill Gates' India. The vaccines. Yeah. I mean, listen, there is something. I'm not making this up. I understand.

But do you understand what I'm saying? That you're saying something as a fact and you have literally no data. I have the data. I just can't recall the exact name of it. That doesn't mean it didn't happen. But you don't know if it happened. If you can't even recall the data. Well, I didn't go and investigate it in India.

Here we go. Controversial vaccine. Why is it on Malay the Gates? Thank you. Under fire from critics in India. Well, let's read it. Funded two entities that have played a key role in immunization program and are both under fire for conflict of interest. Okay, it doesn't mean adverse reactions to vaccines.

2009, several schools for tribal children. Jesus Christ, how weird is that? Say those names. The Kamam district. Yeahangana, then a part of undivided Andhra Pradesh, became sites for observational studies for a cervical cancer vaccine that was administered to thousands of girls. Oh, so it's an HPV disease. That's a dangerous vaccine. Oh, these girls thousands of girls. Oh, so it's an HPV disease. That's a dangerous vaccine.

Oh, these girls are whores. Okay, forget it. Sorry. No, the vaccine is dangerous. That HPV, people have had adverse reaction to that, like a high number. The girls were administered the human papillomavirus vaccine in three rounds that year under the supervision of state health department officials. The vaccine used was Gardasil, manufactured by Merck. Yeah.

Months later, many girls started falling ill, and by 2010, five of them died. Yeah. But that is a— I get it. That's a controversial vaccine, period. I'm just saying- Two more. It's good, but it's one of those ones where there's a high number of adverse reactions.

Estimated 14,000 children studying in schools meant for tribal children were also vaccinated with another brand of HPV vaccine, Cervarix. Cervarix. I like when they're on the nose like that. Oh, is it cervical cancer? Yeah, we'll call it Cervarix. Cervarix. I like when they're on the nose like that. Oh, is it cervical cancer? Yeah, we'll call it Cervarix. Cervarix. Manufactured by GSK.

Earlier in the week, the Associated Press reported that scores of teenage girls were hospitalized in a small town in northern Columbia with symptoms that parents suspected could be adverse reaction to Gardasil. So some people died from this vaccine. Gardasil. So some people died from this vaccine, but is it Google HPV vaccine dangerous reactions? Because I've read that there's a certain percentage, whether it's, you know, one tenth, one percent or whatever it is, that some people get. When anyone stands to make billions of dollars and institute something that's going to be very widely accepted as now necessary for life, you have to ask questions about it. According to HPV vaccine manufacturers, the most common adverse reactions to Gardasil include pain, swelling, redness, stinging, bruising, bleeding at the injection site,

and headache, fever, nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pain, and it keeps going. It's not that bad. I'm not saying that he's doing something inherently wrong, but you have to watch people like that. And the fact that nobody knows, like nobody knows these, you know, this is not a well-known thing. I understand. But the idea that this is how he wants to make his money by vaccinating people, there's a reason why he's doing that is to make money.

But we have a world that's increasingly run by billionaires who tell us what is and isn't necessary and how things are going to be, right? That's true. Whether they're in tech, whether they're in health, whatever they are, these are billionaires who tell us what is and isn't necessary and how things are going to be, right? That's true. Whether they're in tech, whether they're in health, whatever they are. These are billionaires. Generally, they give these TED Talks and stuff like that. People don't pay attention to what they're doing. They influence the political system in ways that we know about and don't know about.

And you've got to watch these people. I don't know Bill Gates. I have no idea what he wants to do. Now we're talking about a totally different thing, and I agree with you. See, the thing is, before 2000, let's say 2000, no one had any inkling whatsoever that social media was going to have

an impact on political realms, on the way, just language, what sort of discourse was allowed, what wasn't allowed. No one ever thought that, that this was going to be an impact. And that these companies would literally earn billions of dollars by selling your data, meaning what are you interested in? What are you clicking on?

What are you going to? And that's what they're getting their money from. This is a great podcast that Sam Harris put out. I wish I could remember the guest. that Sam Harris put out I wish I can remember the guest but he was talking about how we didn't know that our data in terms of our search history the stuff that we go to where we travel to with Google Maps we didn't know that that data was a commodity right so we signed off on one of the most valuable commodities in the world I think it's bigger than oil it's gigantic yeah and

these companies not only do they gather up this commodity, but then they use their influence to influence social aspects of our culture. The way we communicate, what's allowed, what's not allowed. And that's and they're going to say, you need a card, you need this, you need that. The free flow of travel, how you're allowed to travel around the country and the world. A lot of these people, whether it's Gates or whoever, are going to have a huge input in those laws that are made. And they're going to think they're doing it for a good reason. Of course. Everybody does everything because they think they're doing it for a good reason. Not necessarily.

You know? Well, a lot of people do. Some people do. I bought my house because I believed it was going to work. I bought it because I believed in home ownership. The point is that I just think you have to look into this. It's not my job to have every fact before I speak. It's not my job.

When you talk about Bill Gates and vaccines and things along those lines, you probably should. If Bill Gates wants to tweet at me and educate me later, at Tim J. Dillon, we can do that. The real fear is that they're practicing with these vaccines on poor people. That's what people are terrified of. That's what they're doing. They call the school a tribal girls' school. I know, tribal.

Tribal girls' school. What kind of? I mean, it's crazy. Native Americans. I mean, Bill Gates wouldn't be doing that in Bel Air or Beverly Hills. He should. tribal tribal girl school what kind of i mean it's crazy native americans i mean bill gates wouldn't be doing that in bel-air or beverly hills you should you know i agree grab kids start grabbing those tiktokers and fucking put needles in their face grab those little beverly hills kids i don't private schools i walk around there every day and those little pieces of shit give me a fucking look because they know i shouldn't be there but it's close to my house

we have to walk we have to walk and get air just see other people Beverly Hills is so weird because anybody could just drive through it I know it's not blocked off. I know but I like that but you works like that But you'll drive by these houses that are worth 30 million dollars. Yeah, look at that. Yeah, it's right there It's 30 million dollars. I know I could throw a rock Yeah But you know what it is gated communities ruin the fun for people like me that want to just appreciate other people's wealth. You say that until you get rich.

Why can't? I know. Once you get rich, you'll be living right next door to me. You're going to come over and ask for sugar. If I'm allowed. If they'll allow me, by the way. Why wouldn't they? You might have to vouch for me with the condo board.

I'll call. I'll talk to the people. Not the condo board. Whatever. The people. I'll talk to the people. The homeowners association. But here's the deal.

I want to go out and get... When I was a little kid, we would smoke pot. I'm not the condo board. Whatever the people are. I'll talk to the people at the homeowners association. But here's the deal. I want to go out and get, when I was a little kid, we would smoke pot, we'd drive around these big areas and we'd get inspired. And we'd look at big houses and mansions, we'd get inspired.

How'd that work out for you? None of us succeeded. The point is, it's nice to see, it's nice to see Christmas lights on a big mansion. You shouldn't be stopped at a gate. Well, what if you're a fucking psychopath?

Well, that's a problem. Yeah. That's a problem. I don't want to have to wait in the front of my house with a gun all night. But you're famous. It's different. Rich people, no one's coming to kill regular rich people. Do you know, did you hear what happened with Sebastian's cousin who has the exact same

name as him? Listen, I don't want to say- Do you know what happened? Yeah, but is that- I talked to Sebastian about it. Is it totally random? Some guy... That's so weird, dude.

Two guys came to his house. They rang the doorbell with masks on, like fucking COVID masks. Okay. He opened the door up. Smart. And they rushed the house, but his cousin knows how to fight. So his cousin beat the fuck out of one of them. You go, wow, shit, I'll send you the Zoom doorbell video footage of it.

Beats the fuck out of one of them in the front of the house, goes inside and kills the other guy. Crazy, dude. You think they were- The guy had a gun. The guy had a gun. Was it a big house? It's just a-

It's a nice house. Yeah, yeah. The guy had duct tape. They had tasers. They had all kinds of shit. They were planning on home invading and killing some people. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Just random in the middle of the day, by the way. You got to have, well, yeah, you got to have guns and locks. He answered the doorbell because he thought it was his gardener coming back. Because the gardener was there, and then the doorbell rang, and he assumed it was his gardener coming back. Right. And the guy has the same name as Sebastian. But if we, yeah, but then we'll put gates everywhere. Then everyone's going to have a gate.

I mean, it's just one, I mean, that's an example. Well, I'm just saying that sometimes people's houses get broken into. It's just one, I mean, that's an example. Well, I'm just saying that sometimes people's houses get broken into. And this is one thing that you have to think about, really think about with this economy going into the fucking toilet. It's going to be bad. It's going to be bad. 30% they said unemployed, 60 million people filed unemployment claims.

It's going to get rough. Well, also the businesses haven't even shut down yet. The businesses that can't get out of this haven't even realized they can't get out of this yet. Right. Some of them have, but I think a large percentage of them are still trying to keep it together. Yeah.

We don't know. So when they go under, all the people that were working for them go under. It's going to be very bad. I have an apartment on the first floor with a- Don't tell anybody. Sliding glass door. Jesus, why are you telling people?

I want people to come in and kill me. I want people to kill me. Why? No, I'm kidding. I want them to just come in and- Bill Gates is going to kill you. Why? No, I'm kidding. I want them to just come in and do podcasts. He's going to stick an HIV vaccine right in your ass. Listen, buddy, I have a concern for the tribal girls in India. I apologize.

I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I haven't forgotten the tribal women in India who no one speaks for. What was the province again? Except me. Guwahaba. And the thing is, these are good girls. And yes, they're whores. And yes, they have HPV, right?

Well, they're just keeping them from getting it from dirty people like you. I support tribal whores. The point is this. I was worried about getting robbed as anyone. Because desperate criminals will rob me. Good criminals will rob you. Or try. Desper desperate criminals will rob me good criminals will rob you or try Desperate people will rob me. Well people are gonna rob because they need money. Yeah, we're in a weird place where the Look if you're in Brazil

Brazil is a good example You have a lot of halves and a lot of have-nots and if when you go there one of the things you see is barbed wire around people's houses and long like When you go there, one of the things you see is barbed wire around people's houses and long, tall fences and walls. It's crazy. And then a barbed wire on top of it. And then above that, in the favelas, you see houses with no windows and dirt floors. It's crazy. Wow.

And they come down from the favelas, rob the rich people, and go back up. Wow. And when the economy crashes, the crime rises radically. Yeah. So Brazil was doing really well for a while and then went to shit. And so they're in a bad place now and the crime has really ridden to the point- I should get a gun. Oh, yeah, for sure.

But my jujitsu instructor won't even go. He's from Rio. He won't even go back to Rio. Really? He's like, it's too dangerous. It's too dangerous. It's too dangerous, my friend. Yeah, they'll kidnap you.

If they know you're American or live here, they might kidnap you, try to get money. Well, when I used to do the know you're American or live here. They might kidnap you try to get money. Well when I used to do The UFC down there. It was fine. It hadn't gotten that bad yet. The Brazil's great There's a lot of great things in Brazil. The food there is fantastic. You ever had Brazilian Amazing the Brazilian steak houses and all that's great. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's in the fucking views It's like it's we're sliding into that Do you think there's a chance America's sliding into one of those countries where, is this economic collapse going to be too much?

Do you think, you know? I don't know. Yeah, no one knows. This is what's interesting about this in a bad way. Yeah. It's like, who knows, man? Who knows? You know, it's all weird.

It's all weird because we're in uncharted territory. We've never in the history of this country had a month where everybody was locked down and stayed inside. There was some lockdowns apparently in 1918 during the Spanish flu. But that was, you know, it's hard to know what the difference was between then and, you know, when they were locked down, whether they wore masks. You know, I have to go back and I know at least for the last hundred years, there's been nothing like this. between then and when they were locked down, whether they wore masks. I'd have to go back and I know at least for the last 100 years, there's been nothing like this. So we don't really know what the fuck we're talking about.

We also don't know what's going to happen when they fling open the barn doors and say quarantine's over. Sure. Are people going to go out? In China, people are catching it again. I mean, they're having second waves. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I don't know.

I mean, I tend to think that people, you know, they're having second waves. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I tend to think that people, you know, they did a study in Ohio. Ohio didn't have, and I have the facts, Ohio didn't have Ohio, you can look it up, they didn't officially close restaurants until the 25th, but for the 10 days prior to that, 10 to 15 days prior,

foot traffic had dropped 50%. So people didn't need an order or a law saying not to go out. They were scared. They were scared. I went out on the 14th. I went on the 14th. I ate at this restaurant in Venice, Felix, my favorite restaurant.

Yeah. And it was still pretty crowded. It was fine. Me and my wife were like this. Like, oh, is this okay? I'm trying to think. One of the last places I was in was a comedy store on that Monday night, and I did an OR spot, and I was making fun of the virus. I was making fun of it.

I said that, like, I was like, oh, there was an Asian lady on my plane. She coughed, and we all beat the shit out of her, and everyone was laughing, and it was fun. Sounds racist. Well, it was, and it was funny, and those are often, they dovetail. They dovetail. They dovetail. They dovetail. That's what it is, you know? Isms are funny, you know?

Yeah. And then I got off stage, and the Asians loved it. They were laughing. We all laughed, because nobody thought this was going to happen. Well, also, no one thought you really beat the fuck out of anybody. It was obviously joking around. No, of course. That's what comedy is.

So, you know, people in the room know that. You know, if somebody had written about it, they would have been like, this is inappropriate. Well, that following Friday, I was supposed to do a show in the main room. No, not Friday, Thursday. And they called me up and said, we are going to shut down the main room. I was supposed to do two shows. We're going to shut down the main room and cancel your shows. We're going to shut down the main room and cancel your shows.

And we're only going to open the OR because the governor has asked that groups of more than 200 people should be banned. Such a weird arbitrary number, but they were just trying to do anything they could do. Think about this. When you talk about how Trump should have known better, this was our own governor who's very conservative now about this. Not conservative, obviously liberal, but conservative about the moves that we make. And this was in the beginning of March, in the middle of March, in fact. They were still saying groups of 200 people in March. So this is all

fucking touch and go. And I don't think it's helping anybody, all this fucking pointing the finger and blaming this person and blaming that person. No, but you do have to look at a system and go, we weren't prepared. We could have been better prepared, right? Trump did get rid of a pandemic team, which I get it. If I had been president, I probably would have gotten rid of them too.

Doctors suck. Scientists suck. So Trump was like, get them out of here. He did get rid of that team. But was that his call? Well, it's his government. When you're the president, you have to take- Hold on, did he do that?

I'm sure he signed off on it. I'm hearing that there was something where they did shut down the pandemic office, but I don't know the facts. But I do know that they reopened this. They had a virus hunting organization that literally their job is to hunt viruses, to find out where viruses are coming from. And they just funded the shit out of them. I mean, that sounds like a fun reality show.

Virus hunters. Here's the thing, dude. It's like this is, we're dealing with one version of this. Yeah. This could get worse. This could be a new one next year. There could be another one the year after. It could just be our new reality.

Just pandemic after pandemic. Yeah. Whenever civil unrest starts happening in the streets, they just go, here's a new pandemic. Well, the problem is- Bat flu number two. The problem is when you get large groups of people, right, you're going to have large groups of people that need food. Yeah.

And then you have factory farming. So factory farming is the cause of a lot of these pandemics. Yeah. And then this fucking wet market is real similar in that regard. This has been a big- Diseases jump. The vegans are kind of- This is a decent time, right, to make that point?

Except for their immune systems. Right. They're making that vegan point. Not in terms of like the cultivation. No, but who's got the best point is the regenerative farming people. Okay. The Joel Salatin people that have figured out a way not only to sequester carbon, but actually they're taking carbon out of the air sequester carbon, but actually they're taking carbon out of the air and reintroducing all these ancient farming methods where they're moving cows around or different plots.

Are the wet markers factory farming though? That seems pretty independent. No, it's not factory farming, but it's animals in confinement and surrounded by other animals living in these unnatural environments. That's what it is. Wet markets are foul. Can you avoid that when you've got to feed a population like that? Well, Osterholm, yeah, you can feed them bugs.

Osterholm had a whole, he was the guy that scared the fuck out of everybody when he came on my podcast. Terrified me. There's a whole section in this book that he wrote from three years ago, from 2017, about wet markets. And now the next pandemic is going to come out of a wet market. So we got to try to persuade China to shut them down. They're not going to. You know what they did say? They're taking dogs off the livestock listing.

Like, yay, you guys are doing good. What about bats? Get the bats out of there. But I mean, it's almost like they're throwing people a bone. Like, hey, we're going to... No dogs. We're going to stop considering dogs livestock. Like, oh, you guys are amazing. But also, they're not. They're definitely

not. Well, neither... But they eat them. We eat pigs. I don't judge them because they need to eat, right? So if I was really hungry and I had to eat a dog, I would eat a dog. I mean, these are just things that we would have to do. It's easy for me to say, but it's a lot more normal to eat a dog than to do what they do in Manhattan,

which is put them in strollers and pretend they're children. Yeah. That's a little freakier to me than a wet market is seeing two 30-year-olds walking down the block with a fucking chihuahua in a bassinet. Have you seen that? Yeah, of course. All over New York, dude. Really?

Yeah, people are like, I'm a cat mom. They put chihuahuas in strollers? I'm a dog mom. Oh, that dog mom stuff is so sad. Yeah, it's crazy. And then they put the dogs, they dress them up, they put them in strollers, and they stroll them down the street. That is more grotesque than a well-run wet market.

When I see that in someone's Instagram handle, dog mom, I'm like, oh. It's bad. Poor child. Those are female incels. Those are the, that's, I'm like, oh. It's bad. Poor child. Those are female incels. Those are the, that's, those are that. My friend told me that. This kid that opened for me, Dan Carney, he said those are female incels. They are

the people, like they're the other side of the dudes where they just sit at home every night and get drunk and they're like, I'm a grandma. I'm such a grandma. But they're, yeah. They're just, and they're the worst at comedy shows because they're always offended, they're just, and they're the worst at comedy shows because they're always offended. They're always white. They're always white.

They're always offended. There's always white women offended. They want to be part of the show. They're always liberal. And then after they heckle you all night, they come out and they tell you how great you are. They're like, you're good. You're okay.

It's disgusting. Yeah, it's bad. Boy. There were some of them. I remember, I think Eliza was going to be at the store, and a lot of her fans were there. And then she didn't show up, so then I came out. Oh, no. So it was like a real culture shock, because they were expecting Eliza, and then I walked

out. And you could see a lot of... Because the first three rows were all hot white chicks, and then they looked at me like, what the fuck? Where did Eliza go? What is this? She had something else to do, something better to do, maybe. Something better, huh? Yeah.

So then they just called me in. I just hopped out of an uber and then there was a lot of disappointed a lot of disappointed instagram models there they were not happy i came out and started yelling about the clinton's killing people they were like this is not the show we wanted we did not want this oh and in the middle of all this, there's a new fucking, the lady who said that Biden did something to her now, she's saying it was sexual assault. Yeah. Well, if they're smart, they're going to swap Biden out for Cuomo,

who Cuomo is kind of a meatball, but he's a better candidate than Biden. But this shows the hypocrisy of liberals, that they're not coming after him the way they came after everybody else. They want him to be the representative of the Democratic Party. But here's the thing. They are right now. They were wrong before. Here's why they're right

now and they were wrong before. Anybody could come at anybody with an allegation. Anybody could come at any high profile. When you say believe all women, you have to live by that you gotta believe Amber Heard you gotta believe everybody you seen all this Johnny Depp shit I saw a little bit of it yeah

there's audio tapes where she's talking about hitting him and then there's a new video where it shows his severed finger she threw a fucking vodka bottle on it and sliced the tip of his finger off and literally there's pictures of the finger and there's the audio recordings

of the doctor looking for the fingertip they're looking for the tip they can't find the tip they're like where's the fucking fingertip and they're like oh my god look at the blood and you can hear them talking and she's like violently sobbing in the background so they decide to give her three times whatever antipsychotic medicine

that she's on so she's on this dose they decide to jack her three times whatever antipsychotic medicine that she's on. So she's on this dose. They decide to jack it up to 3X, whatever the dose is. But meanwhile, this was the lady that had him Me Too'd and was saying that he beat her and had a mark on her face. Believe all women. Well, that's the whole thing. So the Democrats are now reaping what they've sown in the sense that anybody can approach the press with an unsubstantiated allegation about somebody who's high profile. I mean, I understand that women aren't just willy nilly lying about stuff,

but the picture changes when there's somebody who's a politically divisive, high profile figure, where there is a huge incentive to knock that person off, right? There's a huge incentive, whether it's Brett Kavanaugh, whether it's Joe Biden, there's a huge incentive to derail that person. So I think in that instance, because I do believe that most women are not just making things up. That being said, when you introduce politics, there's a whole

other level. There's a whole other layer. Well, for sure. I mean, foreign intelligence agencies could be doing this, too. Yeah. They could. I mean, I'm not saying this woman who actually worked for Biden's campaign was a foreign intelligence agent. We have no idea. But what I'm saying is that, for sure, men have sexually assaulted women.

Also, for sure, women have lied about being sexually assaulted. Those two things, they're not mutually exclusive. They go hand in hand. Right. People are liars. People lie about the past. 100%. People also are delusional. People are liars. People lie about the past. People also are delusional. People are also psychotic and schizophrenic.

All sorts of things are going on. But when you say believe all women, that is a crazy thing to say. That's like saying believe all people. It's the same thing. So what are you doing? You believe the liars too? Do you believe murderers? Do you believe people that are trying to get out of jail?

Do you believe rapists? You can't believe all murderers? Do you believe people that are trying to get out of jail? Do you believe rapists? You can't believe all people, right? You also can't believe all men. Well, you also can't believe all women. That's crazy talk. Do you believe Casey Anthony? No. Of course not.

Her, I do. No, I'm kidding. She's the one that I make an exception for. She seems like a good kid. Humans are individuals and some people are fucking crazy. Yeah. I mean, so he's's I don't know man But I think the bigger problem with him is he's he's is in some stage of dementia dementia 100% He's unwell

There's something he's unwell. I say he's a folder either that or he may be just as bad. He folds under pressure He's getting close to the finish line. He's just bumbling all his words and choking and forgetting what he's talking about I don't think it's that I think something's wrong because you know why they're He's getting close to the finish line. He's just bumbling all his words and choking and forgetting what he's talking about. I don't think it's that. I think something's wrong. Because you know why? It seems like it's degenerative. It seems like it's gotten worse.

It's getting worse. So that's why I think something's wrong. A hundred percent. Also, he's old as fuck. Also, he looks bad. He doesn't look like a healthy guy. No. I was looking at this weird Lady Gaga thing today with him and Lady Gaga

where he's talking about how no one should ever put their hand on a woman. And I'm watching this because I guess Lady Gaga was sexually assaulted, but who the fuck is ever going to watch that and say, you know what, I was gonna put my hand on a woman

but now I'm not gonna. Go back to that thing? She looks like Hillary. Go back. I clicked on a story about it. Oh, okay. She has a Hillary haircut. That's an interesting move.

Is that a Hillary haircut? Yeah, look at it. Let me see it again. It's actually old. Is it? Yeah, it's from 2017. Oh. It kind of looks a little.

Oh, it's just coming out now? I guess. People are throwing it around now? What were they saying? I don't know. Nonsense. Here's the thing. They were saying no one should ever put their hand on a woman. Of course they shouldn't. Of course.

But if you're thinking about hitting a woman and Joe Biden keeps you from doing it, like what? I don't understand the logic. I guess maybe if you're a woman who's being abused, it could perhaps encourage you to go to the authorities.

Right. It could, perhaps. I mean. Right. But I would imagine, but by saying, by him saying no man should ever put his hands on a woman, who the fuck thinks they should? Who's like, I disagree. I think men should just beat the fuck out of women and keep them in line.

Who's saying that? Somebody said once, it's like when somebody goes, hey, I'm pro family. It's like, that's. I think men should just beat the fuck out of women and keep them in line. Who's saying that? Somebody said once, it's like when somebody goes, hey, I'm pro-family. It's like, that's a controversial position. I'm pro-family. Right. But all these public service announcements, all that kind of shit. It's like, okay, who are you doing that for? Who's out there going, I was about to rape, but then I saw Joe Biden.

And he's like, don't rape. He's got a point. Yeah, yeah. Joe Biden, I just respect him. He's a states point. Yeah, yeah, he's got... Joe Biden, I just respect him. He's a statesman. What does that do? What does it do? Well, it's just that's part of why nobody believes anything and nobody trusts anybody, right?

That's part of why these guys that are online, they go hard in the paint with conspiracies because these are buffoons. Like, the people that we have ruling us have been exposed as creations. These people, everything they say is scripted. All of them are in the pocket of big business interests. And these people have been exposed, so now we don't believe anything. We don't believe the media. The media said the Covington kids were harassing this Native American guy.

It turns out it was completely wrong. It's completely the other way around. So you don't believe the media and you don't believe the politicians. So it's like it gives you no one to believe. How much those Covington kids get? They got a lot, right? Or no? I don't know.

We don't know. I don't know. I didn't look at the legal transcripts. I want to get one of them kids on. Yeah. Well, you got to get the main one, the kid who smiled. You've got to get the smile. You can't get out.

Not only that, that kid should get a Medal of Honor for his composure. Yeah, he didn't do anything wrong. The fucking guy walks in his face and starts beating a drum. Dude, we would have— Inches from a child's face. Oh, my God. That guy. I would have sold that guy a house, that Native American.

I would have—he'd be living in a townhouse right now. But, yeah, I mean, but again, so that's an example of the media clearly lying. Not even being wrong. No. Manufacturing news. Well, they definitely distorted the facts. Well, they manufactured it.

How so? Well, it was not what they said it was, right? Well, we had an image. The image was a smiling kid with a MAGA hat with a Native American guy and his face. And from there, they extrapolated something that didn't happen. And we assumed, because of that image, that the kid got in the face of the Native American man. Well, it's their job to do some investigation and do reporting, do their due diligence.

They didn't do any of that. So then they created this thing out of thin air, where the kid approached the Native guy, and they were all chanting. They were doing a school chant. They weren't chanting, fuck the Native chanting. They were doing a school chant. They weren't chanting, fuck the Native Americans. They were doing a school chant, and the media went in there and just blew it out of proportion. Well, apparently also in Washington, D.C., around that area, you could buy MAGA hats everywhere. Right.

So it's like they have these stands set up. Yeah. They're kids. Yeah. They don't know what they're doing. Yeah, it's like if you're going somewhere and fill in the blank. Right. Any area like Mardi Gras, they have beads everywhere, right?

Yeah. Well, this area, they have MAGA hats. It's just people selling shit. Yeah. So they went over and they bought these hats because they're dorks. Meanwhile, you and I would have probably done the same thing if we were 16. I would have absolutely done the same thing. Yeah, if we thought it was controversial to wear a MAGA hat, we probably wouldn't be wearing MAGA hats.

Absolutely. Yeah. Especially if you're 16. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. Well, they also, listen, they're allowed to support the president. They're from Kentucky. They go to some Christian school. It's probably wacky, but they went for some pro-life march.

That's what it was, right? It was a pro-life march. And they show up to this thing. And it's just, it's an indication where it's like, because sometimes I'll be on Twitter and I'll get really frustrated because people are like, this virus is fake. And who, you know, how do you believe CNN? And I'm like, okay, guys, listen, the thing's not fake. But then the reality is they've seen so many instances of the media either embellishing or manufacturing.

It's hard to get mad at people that are suspicious. It's hard to get mad when the Jeffrey Epstein story goes away and no one cares anymore that the biggest political scandal of our lifetime goes away. When no one cares about any of that anymore, people get very cynical about all the information that's out there. And I go to war conspiracy people all the time because they're like, no, this is – but the reality is I can't fault them for believing in this stuff because there's so much out there. We're in the no man's land of logic. Well, it's also when people have these preconceived notions that they're clinging to despite the evidence. Like whether it's either the Seth Rich murder. Like, there's nothing to see here.

Nothing to see here. No, it's not like a guy was working for the DNC and a guy who gave information to WikiLeaks. working for the DNC, and a guy who gave information, of course, to WikiLeaks, gave information to WikiLeaks, and was shot and killed with a, they didn't touch his wallet or his credit cards or his cell phone. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, nothing to see here. Well, it's just when you dismiss all conspiracies, it's the same thing as believing all conspiracies.

Yeah. When you dismiss ones that are like, hmm. Well, you know, and the, anybody, see, it got to the Jeffrey Epstein one where everybody was like, everybody was like, wait, what? Yeah. That was one. Slowed people down. I mean, the fucking physical evidence, the Michael Badden report where he said, this

is not consistent with someone hanging. This is consistent with someone getting strangled from the back. Yeah. That's why when I'll, you know, with the QAnon stuff with Eddie or Sam or any of those people, it's like, I, some of it is probably true. There are like a lot of high, like very powerful pedophiles doing horrible things. But then from there, they've extrapolated it to go into this whole story, which I don't know if... It doesn't seem like it's true.

There's no evidence. Well, I don't know the QAnon story, but I know that every time someone starts talking about it, my eyes glaze over and I move away. Well, because it's too much. Well, because it's like religion. You've got to trust. They all say, trust the plan. So they say that there's these secret people within the intelligence community that are giving us information.

And then with that information, we've got to piece together what's really going on. But it's all about these child pornography or child pedophilia rings. It's all about these things, which do exist. Listen, they 100% exist. The problem is these people believe that Trump is fighting them in a shadow intelligence war. I don't know if that's the case. I don't know if that's the case, guys. It doesn't seem to be the case.

It would be sweet if it was. How does he have the time? If you're right, I'm sorry. How does he have the time to shut down the borders, get the ventilators, get them out of the masks? Well, that's what they believe. They believe the virus was a cover to go arrest all the pedophiles and that they were freeing kids that were kept in tunnels. I don't know why billionaires need to keep kids in tunnels, but again, you got to take them at their word.

Oh my God. I need to spark a joint. I can't hear you anymore. You know? You hurt my head. All I did was come on the show trying to advocate for girls in India and protect them from- Tribal. Protect tribal girls from the Bill Gates needle.

And I'm attacked and Joe comes, where are your facts? How offensive is that? Where are my facts? How insane is it that I need to know my facts before I make a statement on a show that's being watched by millions of people? Yeah, especially with the QAnon stuff. It's 2020. The world's over. I'm going to say what I feel is right.

I'm going to say what I want to say. It doesn't matter anymore. Give me a prediction. 2021, mid-2021, August of 2021. Trump's winning again. That doesn't even count. You know, a friend of mine sent me

this, and it's really kind of an interesting theory. He said, if you look at whenever there's an incumbent that's running for re-election, the Democrats always throw someone lame against them. Interesting. Makes you think it's a uniparty. Makes you think it's not real.

Well, it's also that they don't want to waste anybody. Well, it's also like – Think about Buttigieg and Klobuchar. They've got real potential, especially with a couple of years of seasoning. Yeah, sure. Especially with a couple of years of seasoning. Yeah. Right? Sure. If Buttigieg can, you know, he was the mayor. He abandoned that position because it wasn't worthy of him. And then he moved on. Right.

Well, the CIA told him it was time to run for president. Whatever. Is that what happened? Absolutely. How do you know that? 100%. One of his mentors is a guy named Doug something. And Pete Buttigieg was, you know, he was in the military, but he barely did anything. He's always

posing with his rifle. It's strange. And again, he's just, listen. Do you think he's really gay? Yes. Probably. Maybe not. He's in the CIA. He seems gay, though. But he also seems like he's in the CIA. You have to ask yourself, when the biggest companies in the world and the biggest

billionaires start lining up behind the mayor of a small Indiana town. Something's going on. Yeah. Same thing when it was the governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton. Something's going on. I have a friend who is pretty deep in that world who deeply distrusts that guy. Of course.

He's like, I do not trust a word out of that guy's mouth. You know what somebody said to me once? You're going to love this quote. He said, the dangerous people aren't the guys that were born rich. He goes, they are dangerous because the most dangerous people are the guys like Buttigieg who will do anything. They come from outside. And he goes, it's raw ambition. They'll do anything to get where they're going.

Those people are more terrifying than the Kennedys or Bushes who were born, you know? And those families are murderers. And that's where Epstein used to come along. Come on the lowly express. Come on the lowly express. Come on the lowly express. I'm going to compromise you all. Come on in. You're going to get in with all the Thai people.

Jeffrey Epstein associate, Ghassan Maxwell, sues his estate. And good for her because she lost income. She's seeking to recoup legal fees to defend herself against Epstein-related allegations. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So she didn't know anything about it or anything. Of course not. How could she know anything?

She was with him 24-7. She was taking advantage. And I believe her. I believe all women. I believe her. I believe Ghislaine. She's a woman. Where is she?

She's probably in Israel. Oh, a complaint filed to Superior Court of the U.S. Virgin Islands. Oh, that's where she is. She's in the Virgin Islands. She's being taken care of by the Mossad. You think so? Yeah. It was a Mossad op. Supposedly, right?

Yeah. I mean, I don't have exact on that, but I trust my sources. Yeah. You have sources? I have sources. Well, I told you some stuff about that old thing. Of course. It's crazy.

It's crazy. Is Dana White going to buy that island and do fights on it? Yeah, fights are going to be on Fuck Island. They're all going to take place after midnight. The way into in front of that temple? We're going to hang a goat by its ankles and slice its neck. Soon we're going to have to eat it in this country. It's going to symbolize the start of the proceedings.

It's crazy, man. But I think we're in this weird dystopian future where you don't know what to believe. Yeah Well, we're we're definitely there We're definitely there and that's gonna usher in mind control by virtue of software that allows you to read each other's thoughts Wow, that's what's gonna it will think there's only one way to tell for sure We all take the implant put it on the side of our head. Yeah, go outside. Where's your implant? Yeah, they're gonna put biochips under your skin. They're going to do all that.

We're going to have cool headbands, you know? Yeah. Cool headbands that you wear that like they're stylish. But it's also like at a certain point, maybe that's just what we have to do because you know what else we do in this country? Going to buffets and, you know, eating fried chicken and selling each other hand grenades and taking cruises. Think of phones. Think of phones.

Think of phones, right? I mean, how often do you see people walking around and they just have this thing in their hand everywhere they go? And we just think of it as no big deal now. It's going to be in your head soon. Yeah. But go back 25 years ago, that was not the case. You didn't see people walking around with phones.

Right. They didn't walk everywhere with a phone in their hand. No. But now it's a normal part of life. Yeah. A normal part of life will be you're going to wear this thing. It's going to be on the side of their hand. No. But now it's a normal part of life. Yeah. A normal part of life will be you're going to wear this thing. It's going to be on the side of your head. And if you're lying, it'll be red.

That's creepy because I love to lie. What do you lie about mostly? I mean, hi, how are you? Good to see you. It's so funny. So funny. So funny. So good.

It's so good. Yeah. So good. We all lie good. Yeah, so good. We all lie. You gotta lie. A little bit. If you're not lying, you're wasting. If I'm not lying, it means I don't care.

Or you're wasting a lot of time. I didn't show up to Dr. Drew once. I totally forgot. I went to the beach like an idiot, right? I was at the Trump Golf Course at Palos Verdes. I get an email from the booker of your mom's house. And they said, are you finding parking? Okay. I panicked. I didn't know what to do.

Did you forget totally? Totally forgot. Totally forgot. They didn't send a reminder, which they don't have to. I'm an adult. Totally forgot. It was in the Trump. So I said, okay, well, Trump.

So I said, listen, my mother is sick. She's on her deathbed. I have to fly. Does Dr. Drew know about this lie? Yeah. I've told it. I've talked about it on Sigur Risha. But I said, my mother's on her deathbed. I have. Drew know about this lie? Yeah. I've talked about it on Sigurisha. I said, my mother's on her

deathbed. I have to fly to New York. I'm so sorry. Ten minutes later, I realized there's a picture of me on Instagram at the beach in Manhattan Beach. But why did I lie? Because I cared. I was embarrassed that I didn't go. So the lie was because

I cared. If I just emailed them and went, oh, sorry, fuck, sorry, dude. Forgot. That would mean I didn't go. So the lie was because I cared. If I just emailed them and went, oh, sorry, fuck, sorry, dude, forgot, that would mean I didn't care. The lie is because you care. It doesn't mean you're a comic and you forget about things. I know, but sometimes you've got to lie to show people you care about them. Interesting. That's a good way to think about it. Interesting perspective.

It's a pretty good way to think about it. That's the way the government thinks. They're like, we lie about you to prove that we care. Really? Yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah. I don't think so.

They go, people can't know this. They cannot handle the truth. Like what? Anything. Aliens? All of it. Have you read that book, Chaos, about the Manson family and the CIA? I've read some of it.

Yeah. It's Fitzsimmons' buddy. Yeah. It's very interesting. He's coming out on Thursday. It's going to be interesting. Well, all of that stuff, man. The CIAia what was going on in laurel canyon is crazy there was this guy who wrote a book dave mcgowan and he wrote a book called weird scenes inside the canyon and

it's all about this weird overlap between like this burgeoning music scene and a lot of like intelligence things lsd timothy leary all these things that were happening in the Haight Ashbury and Laurel Canyon, like where they were, you know, you know, running operations, experimenting with these mind control drugs on all these different people and like cozying up to weird cults.

And it was very strange. That's what the book's about. Yeah. I'm in a chapter eight now. It's really wild. It keeps getting crazier and crazier. It's like once they get deeper and deeper into the CIA mind control ops. MK.

And what they were actually doing and what they were allowing. They were like literally letting people free. They were telling people at one of the murder trials to never bring up Charles Manson. Don't talk about it. The prosecuting judge or the judge rather was being told to ignore evidence about Manson. Don't bring up Manson. Of course. The prosecuting attorney. Don't bring up Manson. Yeah. They were being told to not evidence about Manson. Don't bring up Manson. Of course. The prosecuting attorney, don't bring up Manson.

Yeah. They were being told to not bring up Manson. Because the CIA was studying human behavior. And in order to do that, they had to get in bed with some very, you know, nefarious characters. People that were- Not just studying behavior. They were trying to get rid of the hippies. They were trying to disband the hippies.

the hippies. They were trying to disband the hippies and they were trying to use people like the Manson family to attack people that were in black rights movements, the civil rights movements. They're trying to destabilize a lot of the anti-war movement. Opposition groups. Crazy shit. They were also trying to create a mentoring candidate, see if they could wipe somebody's mind clean and control them. A lot of those mind control experiments went back to Operation Paperclip, where you had scientists that were in Germany doing these really harrowing experiments on people. We brought them all to America after this, and they continued a lot of those experiments here.

Yeah, we've talked about Operation Paperclip too much. And so the whole thing is, did it ever stop? That's the interesting question. Yeah, of course. Did it ever stop, or is it still going on right now? Why would it stop? Well, is like, did it ever stop? That's the interesting question. Yeah, of course. Did it ever stop or is it still going on right now? Why would it stop? Well, of course, why would it stop? Why would they? I mean, when you go to Operation Northwoods and you find out that the Joint Chiefs of Staff had already signed a document

saying that they're down with blowing up a jet airliner and blaming it on Cuba. Yeah, blowing up a boat. Using Cuban friendlies, arming them to attack Guantanamo Bay. It's crazy. They're like, if we could do this in 1960, if they were doing that in the early 1960s, everything evolves, right?

Everything evolves. Yeah. Like, why wouldn't that evolve? It's interesting. And you wonder, are these our apps, the new mind control? Do they look at an app and see the way people are behaving? Well, that's why the government's telling you to get off of TikTok. Right.

And then Google won't allow people to have TikTok on their phones. It's a Chinese, yeah. There's other things, Zoom. They're saying, Google's saying don't have Zoom on your computer if you work at Google. Interesting. Well, because Zoom collects, I think, a lot of data from your phone or something like that. Like, it collects everything. I don't understand.

Well, they've compromised. it from your phone or something like that. Like it collects everything. I don't understand. Well, they've compromised. There's certain security problems with the application that the president of the company that created it said they fucked up. The CEO said they fucked up, that there's been some fuck ups. I just don't think that they expected this many people to start using it that quickly. And I think because it's scaled up because of the pandemic, everybody was like, what the fuck? I didn't use it. They were going to do a call, an Easter call, and they were going to put 20 people on it,

my family and my little cousins, like, do you want to come on this? I'm like, dude, let's stop. And then he told me it was hard. It's 20 people. We got elderly people on there who don't know what's going on. They're just being told to look into a phone. They have no idea what's happening. There's 20 people.

Half of them are drunk in their home. They haven't seen the outside in a month and they're all screaming over each other it's like yeah this isn't a good use of anyone's time no and also they're doing these comedy things did you see the one with christ with burt and sandler no it's probably the worst thing i've ever seen yeah that's when burt said he called it yeah yeah i saw that he had no idea what sandler's. He didn't even know Sandler apparently was a comedian. He thought Sandler was like a fucking doctor. What did he call Happy Gilmore?

What did he call it? Happy Madison or something like that. Yeah, then he said, I'm going to watch, not Uncut Gems, he said, Precious Gems or something tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Precious Gems. He didn't know Uncut Gems. And also he asked him, if you were to film one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

And he's like, am I on like morning TV in Dallas? I almost wondered if Burt was trolling. I thought Burt was doing that on purpose. Yeah. Because it was brilliant. You know what it is? Burt does certain things where I go, I think he might be a genius because he does certain things.

I'm like, did he do that to just get that level of? No. Okay. Trust me. Trust me. That's just Burt when he's not drunk. He does certain things. I'm like, did he do that to just get that level of no? Trust me. Trust me. That's just Bert when he's not drunk. When Bert's not drunk, he doesn't even know what reality is. Why does his air feel so weird? He's like, why is the sky blue?

He doesn't know what the fuck life is. But he's very smart in terms of like savvy marketing. He is good. Well, he's relentless. He's relentless. Yeah. I mean, he knows a lot about that stuff. Yeah, he's relentless. He's relentless. Yeah. I mean, he knows a lot about that stuff. Yeah, he knows a lot about being relentless.

Yeah. Sometimes I'll see something he does and I'm like, that's smart. Well, he makes good little video promos for specials and tours and stuff like that. He's good at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's good at self-promotion. It's very true. So I didn't know if that was real.

I didn't know if he was really asking Adam Sandler if he had Netflix. No. I said, that seems odd to ask someone if they have Netflix. When he's made movies for Netflix. For Netflix. He's fucking dummy. So I'm like, is he doing that as a bit? I'm like, oh, good job.

No, he doesn't know what he's doing. And he's making noises with his mouth and then trying to figure out what they are in real time. That's what it is. I mean, yeah. A bird should never be not drunk. Wait a minute. You're flipping on this. He should never be sober. He should be drunk all the time.

Okay, interesting. He should just be drunk. He's better at it. He's amazing when he's drunk. If he's talking publicly. But actually, when we did a podcast the other day, he wasn't drunk for the beginning, and then we started drinking,

and then we started smoking a little weed And he said that he had been sober The entire quarantine Except for that one day Is he worried about Corona? Oh yeah he should be He's on high blood pressure medication I'm a bigger guy

Joey's a bigger guy I don't know how much that matters But it can't be good. It can't be good. It definitely matters. It matters for your immune system. Are you taking any CBD? Do you take CBD at all?

No, but if I could take CBD, that wouldn't get me high because I'm sober. I know that CBD has a percentage. Yeah, CBDMD has CBD. Is that good for the immune system? Yes. This actually won't... Try this. This is a Kill Cliff with 25 milligrams of CBD.

Not a lot. Is it coffee? I don't really drink... I don't do caffeine. No, no. There's no caffeine in that. What is it? No.

It's just... I'll take it. It's just delicious. Just drink it. I'll be drinking it the whole show. What is the best thing you could do for your immune system if you don't want... Vitamin C. Vitamin C.

Vitamin C. Take a lot of vitamin C. It's particularly... Can I eat an orange? I have to take it. Yeah, you can eat an orange. Sure. I like taking it, though.

Yeah. Because it ensures that you're going to get a specific amount of it. I take 4,000 IUs of vitamin D every day as well. Okay. I think that's really good for your immune system. I should start a regimen of vitamins. Yeah. Yeah. I take liposomal glutathione every day.

Yeah. I take a packet of vitamins every day. When you took the test, were you like, hey, I want it. You had wanted the antibodies. Or you were just like, I don't want any corona. I would like to know that I had it and it bounced right off my immune system. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. So the thing is, I asked him, I go, okay, does this mean I was not exposed to it? He goes, no. He goes, it's possible that you were exposed to it But your immune system fought it off before it ever got to your bloodstream With this antibody test means is that was in your bloodstream and your body fought it off Interesting it never got into my bloodstream, but he said it does not mean you weren't in contact with it So I go okay

Because when I came back I came back from Vancouver and I was sick and then they diagnosed it as strep. But they also said that's a common co-infection in a lot of people. What time? Early March. March 3rd. Oh, you might have had it. I think I had it. I'm going to find out in a couple hours.

I think I had it. I think I had it and I beat it. Really? I think I had it and I beat it. Ooh, we're going to find out. And if I find out, and of course I didn't, and they're going to tell me no. They're going to say you don't have it. But if I have those antibodies, I mean, it's just going to be buck wild.

I'm just going to get on a plane and go to New York. Did I send you the video? The guy on Thunderfoot, that guy from YouTube? Yes. Yeah, he's a, I think he's a chemist and he's worked at CERN. Really, really intelligent, interesting guy, but he's making these YouTube videos on COVID-19 and how really, how dangerous it actually is.

And his estimates are that if we opened up everything, you could get death rates as high as 300,000 a day. Yeah, which is— I was like, what? Yeah, it's crazy. That would collapse the system, right? What do you got, Jamie? They announced the council to reopen America. Ivanka Trump's on the council?

I feel comfortable. Yo. I feel comfortable. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jaredanka Trump's on the council? I feel comfortable. Yo. I feel comfortable. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's his children. Jared Kushner's on the council? Yeah. Come on.

These are his kids. How is that not disgusting? Well, this is part of the problem with his administration. Even his conservative fans don't like this. Well, there's seven people and two of them are in his family. Even Ann Coulter has said, listen, this is not what anyone signed up for, giving your kids jobs. That is so crazy that he's taking this girl who's like 30 years old and her goofy husband, and those are part of the seven people. By the way, are any of these guys health people?

They're all financial people, right? God damn it. Do any of these people have anything to do with health? I don't know. Who's Larry? Larry Kudlow's an economic advisor. He was like a big coke head in the 80s. What about?

He was awesome. Was he? I mean, he's fun. Was he a coke head? Yeah. There's things in a book about him doing coke. Bill Gates is trying to kill everyone. Anyway, moving on.

And Wilbur? What about Wilbur? Wilbur Ross is the Commerce Secretary, right? I mean, I don't know. He looks like he is a demon who's eating children. A fish? I mean, look at his face. Look at his he is a demon who's eaten children. A fish or something? I mean, look at his face, and you tell me he's not eating a child in the woods.

Maybe he is, right? He's like the outsider. Mark Meadows looks like he's being blackmailed currently. Yeah, it's a fun group. Yeah, what are they blackmailing Mark for, if you had to guess? In a fictitious world, and this is just for fun. Do you think women tie him up and shit on him?

Shit in his mouth or? On his chest. They tie him up in the bedroom of a rich colton. Yeah, they probably hit him. And he tells them to take video of him. Yeah, yes. And then he calls them up and he goes, I can't believe you have that video. Maybe a little Fydom too.

They call him up, they go, give me money, faggot. And he gives them money, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's happening there. Yeah. That's happening there. And Mnuchin. Yeah, and he could sue me if he doesn't like it.

Mnuchin, do you think his wife fucks him with gloves on? I don't think anyone fucks him. I think Mnuchin... He's got a hot wife, though. He probably does. You have a lot of money, you get a hot wife. A lot of these guys. A lot of these guys do.

That's how they get money, right? They get money so they can have a hot wife. That's the whole point. Otherwise, why would you get a lot of money? To have a pedophile island or a hot wife? But if you really had billions and billions of dollars and you didn't have a hot wife like what are you doing with? All that money fucking a lot of different hot women on the side. Yeah, keep them quiet. Yeah Yeah, I mean that's part of it right how much you got to give them to keep them quiet a lot

Not a lot enough like what but what keeps this here's the thing with a lot of these guys that are just money people like What keeps them working? It's the same thing. It's what keeps us doing stand-up. It's just a desire. Yeah, I think it's just a desire to Be good or great at something and just continually do something and get better and better at it They want to make more and more money There's an endless you could never be that like stand-up is great because you can never you never feel like you've mastered it Right and and I think money's great because there's always more and more to get. So these guys, it's a way for type A personalities to just throw themselves into something that they'll never fully master. You know?

They're addicted. You get addicted to it. We all get addicted to it. Right. So it's a game they're constantly playing. It's a game. And they're always looking to be in the black. Yeah.

Constantly. Yeah. I mean, I know some guys that work for some very successful guys and it's just like it's akin to a religious experience. That's how they feel the most alive. When they're winning. When they're winning, they feel the most alive. Like we feel really good on stage.

That's where we feel alive. Well, we feel really good creating, right? Creating. Right. When you have a bit, like when you put a, or a video clip, like the Meghan McCain video. Yeah, anything. When you're putting together those things, you're creating it, and once it launches, you're like, ha-ha, we did it. We gave birth.

We did a thing that was creative and funny, and that's why podcasting now, thank God, because I don't know what the fuck I would do. If I wasn't making these little videos and podcasting, I don't know what I would do. Well, that's where it's weird, right? This has got to go somewhere. Unless you're right, I will get sued. These poor fucks that don't have podcasts. Yeah. Well, a lot of people, and I have sympathy for them,

they thought that the stage was a constant. And a lot of people believe that. Everybody was like, nobody can take away your stand-up. Bill Burr was like, they can't take away your stand-up or your podcast. Everyone believed that. And then you never thought about a fucking pandemic. You never thought that one day it would be illegal to gather how long are you gonna wait before you take the bill gates vaccine you know i will i'll think

about listen i'm pretty confident joe i've beaten this and i have antibodies so i don't know that i need the vaccine we're gonna find out i think i have it i'm gonna talk big because i think i it. But what happens after an hour and a half? If it comes back like, nope. I will say the test is faulty. I will not believe the test. No, I will take the Gates vaccine. My concern is for the tribal women. Yeah, I will take the Gates vaccine. Do you think there's going to be a microchip in that? This is what we got to watch. This is what we got to watch. We have to watch these people. Tech people scare me a lot more than financial people because financial people are crooks. You can see them coming a mile away. Tech people think they're doing stuff for the greater good.

They're more cult leaders. It's very dangerous when you have all these people that are supposedly altruistic and they have all of these and they're operating pretty much in the shadows. You don't know what they're doing. You don't know where this money is coming from. But I'll probably take the vaccine. I'll probably take it. Do you wish during this time that you smoked pot? Yes.

Do you ever thought about starting up again? No, because I think I would get too paranoid. Yeah, that's part of the fun. I know. How do you feel about secondhand smoke? Can you handle it? Yeah, smoke it. You smoked last time.

It was fine. Beautiful. You smoke whatever you want. This keeps me together. No, you got to smoke it. You smoked last time. It was fine. Beautiful. You smoke whatever you want. This keeps me together. No, you got to do it. I'm going to go on a ventilator while you do that. I'm just going to sit here on a vent.

I would share this with you, Jamie, but you haven't been tested yet. Is Jamie going to get the test or is he going to puss? Of course he is. Everybody gets the test. Security guys get the test. Really? Great to puss? Of course he is. He's going to puss out? Everybody gets the test. Everybody gets a test, man. And you go on the list. Security guys get the test. Everybody gets the test today.

Great. Yeah. I'm excited. And we know the results right away. 15 minutes. And then Delia's coming by tomorrow. I'm going to give Delia the test before the fucking show. And listen.

I'm going to keep him 13 feet away because I read something online. If anybody. Yeah. Listen. I report. You decide. If you had COVID right now with this test detected, if you had- Yes, because you have the antibodies.

So if I had it now and I was asymptomatic- It's going to say, hey, your body's fighting off the COVID. Fuck. Wow. Interesting. So this is the big one. Yeah. Okay.

Test the blood. Yeah, test the blood. And then also Is it a pinprick Quick one or do they go in Real quick Pinprick They can do the fucking swab

Of your brain cavity too That's a little much If you'd like That's a little much Some people go for both tests Because they really really really Really want to know But I don't think you need

You got to do the blood first Because then you don't need The brain you know You know what this has made me Concentrate on more things That I enjoy That's true. I've given up my carnivore diet, even though I really do enjoy the carnivore diet, because

I want pasta. Yeah, every now and then you got to do something. I've been doing things. I've been playing a lot more pool. Listen, man. Even though it's nonsense. Do you want to go back on the road like you were? No one does, right?

Nobody wants to be back on a plane every week anymore, right? I still love comedy. I want to go on the road. But we were all on the road. I was, no one does, right? Nobody wants to be back on a plane every week anymore, right? I still love comedy. I want to go on the road. But we were all on the road. I was on a plane every Thursday. Well, you kind of have to do it when you're building markets. Yeah. Well, I'm going to have to do it.

But I've been thinking about doing a residency in LA. I've been thinking about literally having shows every weekend in LA and then occasionally going on the road, like getting a small theater. And I remember who used to do that. Was it Eddie Izzard? It might have been Eddie Izzard who did a residency in L.A. right off of La Cienega where he was performing almost every weekend. It's a good idea. Not a bad idea if you have like a 500 seat theater or some shit.

I think once things open up again and people can start flying and things normalize to a degree. Was it Eddie? Yeah. People can, people, yeah, people can come out again. Yeah, at the Trepany house. So he had a mini residency back in 2012. That's what it was. Yeah, because I mean, the amount of traveling that I was doing, now I think to myself, I'm like, you just put yourself

at a lot of risk out there. You wear your immune system down. But it's also, it's a drag. But there's people that are in Milwaukee or Cleveland or whatever. They can't afford to come to LA and get a fucking hotel room and all that shit. You're going to want to come to them every now and then.

You have to. Yeah, but I feel like all that 20 weeks a year, that's a lot. I think I had 37 booked this year, and a lot of them went away already, and probably more of them will. 37 weeks? I mean, it's crazy. The worst I had was when I was doing the UFC 22 weekends a year. Jeez. Yeah, that was crazy.

That's a lot. That was like every other weekend I was flying. And then stand up too. Yeah. But I wasn't doing as much stand up because those were the days also when I wasn't at the store. Okay. That was when I was banned from the store.

Okay. And it was also the days where I just had a dumb idea that I could just do theaters on Friday night and do it like every weekend and I'd be fine. Yeah. And it really wasn't. No. You gotta work it out yeah wasn't enough yeah stand up just it's like uh if you ran every weekend are you in shape

right you know you're in kind of shape partially you can run every weekend but you're not ready to rock you're not ready to go yeah you're not ready to go that's how stand up is too it's like you can feel comfortable enough people are coming coming to see you. You can go on stage and perform. But stand-up is like there's no real shortcuts. No. To do it right, you've got to do it. First of all, I believe a bunch of things, and they're not true with everybody. But I think you have to go to the clubs.

Yeah. And I think you have to go on stage at least four days a week. And I think you have to write. And I think you have to listen to your material now you can get away with not doing one or two of those things yeah but those seems they seem to be the core tenants for doing your best 100% I would I I figured out like I I build stuff on a podcast sometimes like I will talk well movies Jamie I'll talk for an hour a week on a podcast sometimes. Like I will talk. Want one of these, Jamie? Yeah, sure. I'll talk for an hour a week on a podcast.

That's a great way to kind of build something. Yeah, that's a great way. Stanhope told me that he uses that. And I listen to my podcast back and then pick out chunks of it that I'm like, oh, that could be funny. Well, your podcast too, one of the things that I like about you, it's almost like you work yourself into a trance.

Yes. Where you're just a ranting trance. Yes. It seems like you have to build up momentum. I do. I don't talk to anyone for the whole day. It's true. I don't talk to anyone for the whole day and then when my producer comes over with the studios in the apartment and then

we just, I just kind of go. I have all this pent up and I just go and that's like, you know, that's worked really well because it can be really funny. That's what is really funny because it's just like out there raw. Sometimes the funniest stuff is just I haven't ever said it before. And you don't have guests on your show. I don't have guests.

You're doing it like Burr, which is real interesting. Yeah, it's just me. I think that's really strong for developing material. Yeah, and it's funny. People come to me and go, that's fun. Like it's not a – people go, there's enough of it that's really funny. And then and it's funny. People come to me and go, that's fun. It's not a... People go, there's enough of it that's really funny.

And then sometimes it's ludicrous. I'm being ludicrous. But they give you that room. Yes. They have that room. D'Lea does that too. Yes. And Theo does a lot of that too.

Just ranting. Yeah. Because I'm a horrible interviewer. No. Yes. You're not... I'm not horrible.er. No. Yes. You're not. I'm not horrible. No, you just don't do it.

I just don't do it enough. Dude, I fucking sucked at it for years. Go back and listen to the early podcast. I was not good at it. You don't know when you're being annoying. I'll interview somebody and I'll ask them a question and then I'll answer it. Yeah. And I'll go, you know what?

Yeah. And that's a problem. But that's because you have a thought and you want to run with it. It's just different things. And the ones I do with Joey are different than the ones I do with Duncan, which are different than the ones I do with D'Elia or with you. It's like you have a dance you're doing with everybody, and sometimes it's hard to figure out what steps you're taking.

It's tricky. I. You know? Yeah. It's tricky. I've done some good ones. We have some good interviews in the archive. But like a lot of times, I got to be very interested. Yeah. Because sometimes I've had an XCA agent on. I was very interested, right?

Oh, okay. When somebody comes on and I'm not super interested in it, I can't. It's very hard for me to still do it. Right. Which is a great thing about your shows. When you bring people on, you give a fuck about what they're saying. That seems to be the key. Yes. That's the key.

If anybody ever said, how did your podcast get successful? I think two things. One, I only talk to people that I want to talk to. So no one's pushing anyone on me. And people have pushed people on me, and it's not worked out well. The times that I've done it for favors, it's not good. There's been some bad ones. I wasn't interested in what they had to say.

And I did it because someone was really trying to get me to have someone on. I have to talk to the people that I want to talk to. It has to be my idea. Because I've got to really be engaged. And sometimes people have brought me ideas for guests. And it was good ideas and I was really engaged. Don't get me wrong. It for guests, and it was good ideas, and I was really engaged. Don't get me wrong.

It's not that I'm not open to suggestions, but that it seems to be I have to genuinely want to do it. Then it seems that while it's happening, I have to really be engaged in the conversation. Like, I have to, it has to be, if it's not organic man people get it they know when you're hosing them yeah you know well people know that yeah and most people in their life which is kind of what we've created lives where we can kind of be yeah authentic like we can cut like most people have to file into certain whether it's an office or wherever and they have to just tolerate bullshit yes and they have to talk to people they don't like and you've created a life where if you're not interested in what somebody has to say you

don't have to speak to them well it's also it doesn't mean that you're not going to get things wrong and this is what people have to understand like you everyone's going to get things wrong if you talk as much as i do but i think i'm real honest about when i get it wrong so like you have to be able to say like oh I shouldn't have said it that way. I shouldn't have done that. But it doesn't mean that you're not going to get it wrong. It's just you're going to get better at being you. You're really good at being you for these rants that you do.

Burr's really good at being himself for those rants. Amazing. He's probably the best at just no pauses. Yeah, no holds barred. No holds barred, just runs right through subjects with no preparation. He's great. Yeah, he's developed. And Stan Hope's really good at it, too.

Michael Stanton, Stan Hope, his podcast, he kind of developed because he doesn't have open mic nights. Right. Yeah, I use it because in LA, there's just less stage time than you would have some other places. Even though there's enough, you can do enough. And I was doing a lot on the road, but like, it's more fun for me to just go off. You're getting less stage time in LA than you were in New York?

New York, you can get up a crazy amount. Really? Well, there's so many clubs. You can run from club to club to club to club. I mean, guys like Mark Norman can do like 13 spots in a night. I mean, that's inhuman. But that's why he's so good. It's like you do so much.

I like the amount of stage time I get here because the podcast is a great way to build longer form bits than just running where I have to get a laugh in front of an audience. But you could do both, right? Of course. So you could do the podcast in New York and then just do 20 spots a night. Yes.

Do you think that would be the way to go? Is that the best way to do it? No. I think it depends what your act is, right? So if your act is quick boom, boom jokes, boom, boom, boom, a repetition is probably better. But sometimes it's better to let an idea ruminate on a podcast and then to do maybe longer sets less frequently. People might want to build that way.

It's so individual, man. There's no one way to do it. I completely agree. I think that there's almost like a formula where getting on stage is 100, right? Yeah. In terms of the amount of value you get for your effort standing on getting on stage is a hundred and writing is maybe 30 or 40 yeah but if you do it enough it accumulates money in the bank right you know in terms of like numbers in the bank got to do it

to get and i think that listening to a set is worth like 40 or 50. So writing's worth like 30 or 40. Listening to a set's worth like 40 or 50. And getting on stage is worth 100. Yeah, Ralphie May did a great talk at, I think, I forget where it was. Maybe the Comedy Store, maybe the Improv, I don't know. But he did a talk on stand-up where he said he used to play a game with himself where he'd give himself points if he did a new tag. And then he said something interesting.

He goes, when's the last time you've gotten on stage with five minutes just new material and nothing else? He goes, because the first time you got on stage, you had five new minutes. So it was the first time you got on stage you had the balls to get up with five new minutes. And he goes, so when's the last time you've gotten up with just five new minutes off the top? And it makes you think. It's like, yeah,

that's a ballsy move to go out with just a new five and go, I'm just doing this. Yeah, and it's always bad in the beginning. Yeah. Do you think we're all going to be starting over again when we get, I mean, not starting over, but when we get back on stage, it's going to be. It's going to be so weird. It's the longest a lot of us have gone.

Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. I think I went through, when I was in my 20s and I had ACL surgery for the first time, that was like 90, fuck early 90s but uh i had never been off stage for like two weeks before right so two weeks later after knee reconstruction i was going on stage with crutches on i was like fuck it i'm going up wow i was like i'm going up so i'd go on stage and hobble with a knee brace on two weeks after surgery. Just to, yeah. I'm a, I can't.

You have to do it. I can't not be off stage. But then I went, I forget why, but I went even more than that one time in like the early 2000s. I think I went a whole month, a month plus. I'm trying to remember like what's the longest time it's ever been. I think with me it's a few weeks. For a lot of us, a few weeks.

Some people do get, get do like maybe a TV thing or movie and it's like a month, but it's, this is I think with me it's a few weeks. For a lot of us, a few weeks. Some people do get to do maybe a TV thing or movie and it's like a month. But this is going to be the longest stretch. I think I've gone more than a month. But I'm not sure how long, whether it was two months. If you had to bet, when do you think our feet touch a stage again? Late May. Really?

Yeah, and I think there's going to be some weird shit where you're going to have one table and then there'll be three empty tables tables and then another table like a line of people. There'll be like dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Do you think everyone's going to be in a mask? Yeah, a lot of people are going to be wearing masks. Dude, that's going to be creepy as fuck. So weird.

And then they're going to have gloves on. Are we going to have to have masks? No. Dude. I don't know, man. This is a post-apocalyptic stand-up. Everyone's got a mask. What if there's a flu that's 50% as deadly as COVID-19?

Well, I mean, let's worry about the one we have now. It's bad enough. I know, but Paul. But it's not. We have a pandemic. The thing is, the numbers of people that have died of the flu this year are way higher. For now. For now.

For now. For now. For now. But it's going to go up. But my point is, if we are upset that the amount of people that have died from COVID-19, if this is the last person that dies, and it won't be, surely, but if this is the last person that dies, how close would the flu have to get to that for us to take commensurate measures?

to get to that for us to take commensurate measures. Like if we found, like if the flu, like I don't know what the number is and I don't think they know entirely how many people get infected versus how many people die because I don't think they really know how many people get infected. And if COVID, they were saying that as much as 70% of the people that get it are asymptomatic.

So how many people really get it? So if that means, maybe there's a lot more people that got it and thenomatic. So how many people really get it? So if that means, maybe there's a lot more people that got it and then they're just not showing symptoms, or is it we don't have accurate data? I think it's probably we don't have accurate data. Right. I think a lot of people definitely get it and don't have any symptoms because there seems to be a lot of evidence of that. But I don't think they know how many people got it. We might have a very small number of people that have got it. And out of those people, the vast majority show no symptoms.

But it might be like 1% of the population has been infected. We don't even know. Part of the problem of keeping everyone on a lockdown is that nobody's developing immunity. That's part of it. That's part of the issue, right? So you're slowing the spread of this. But it's too dangerous to give people that option. Of course.

Of course. But eventually, you're going to have to this. But it's too dangerous to give people that option. Of course. Of course. But eventually you're going to have to start opening the economy, people carefully going out with masks and things like that. I think for sure. But I think here's something. Is takeout safe? They've told us that's safe. I order that. I think it's safe.

How could it be? It's not safe. If there's things on surfaces. That's what I mean. Somebody sneezes on your egg roll. But here's the deal. On that Diamond Princess cruise ship, only 17% of people got it. And those people are living together very close quarters like a Petri dish.

Yep. And they're all breathing recirculated air. Yeah, but only 17% of people got it. How is that possible? Because I don't think it's as transmissible as we think. Bro, imagine being stuck on one of those cruise ships with people coughing in the distance. It's horrible. It's horrible without a pandemic.

Yeah. But I don't think. But imagine right pandemic. Yeah. But I don't think... But imagine right now, because I'm high, so let me tell you. If I'm in a boat right now, right? So I'm in this metal thing, which is in the middle of the dark ocean, especially at nighttime.

Yeah. Right? Horrible. So you're in this thing floating around, literally in the center of the goddamn ocean. For some strange reason reason you've agreed to be on this metal thing that floats which doesn't make any sense

metal floating makes zero sense a giant metal thing floating look at all those fucking people and you're there with the worst people in the world and if you fall off the side you're dead some people try to kill themselves. You know what's really, this is true. Some guy tried to kill himself on the boat.

This is how sad this was. They saw him. And they caught him. They caught him and they brought him back on the boat. Oh my God. So like literally at the buffet the next day, everybody's like, that's the guy that tried to kill himself. Like how horrible is that?

You're back. You're back. Imagine being at a breakfast buffet after the last, you know? Sorry guys, I was having a rough night. One guy killed his wife on a cruise, because I went on the Impractical Jokers cruise. I went on one cruise and it was just to perform, right? Me and a bunch of other comics went.

And we were talking to some of the cruise people and they said one guy pushed his wife off the side. Yeah, and then he just, he didn't care. He went to like 80s night, he was dancing, he just pushed his wife right off the side. Yeah. And then he just, he didn't care. He went to like 80s night. He was dancing. He just pushed his wife right off the side. Jesus Christ. Dude, cruise people are sick.

They're sick people. Some people are sick. Like some people could do that. Now here's the thing. We're thinking about it like it's the ocean. I want you to think about it like it's space. Okay. Imagine if there was this ship that was going through space, but space was just like, it

was almost like there was air around you where you could kick someone off the side and they would just fall to forever. Right, right. You're doing the same thing. Yeah. Would you be terrified? Oh my God. Yeah.

And if you heard someone cough? Would you have heard someone cough? Oh my God. What would you do? What would you do if you were on a spaceship and you heard someone coughing? It would take two weeks before you get back to the planet. I think you've got to stay in your little cube. You've got to stay in your little room.

Everyone on the Grand Princess was sequestered in their room. Honestly, how is that different? You being on a spaceship in the middle of the sky and you hear someone coughing. It's not that different. We've got to get out of here. There's a sick person on this spaceship. It's not that different. How much different is it? It's not that different. I would say this.

I would say less pig trash people could afford to go to space. For now. For now. Back in the fucking Titanic days, it was a crazy thing to be able to get in a boat and make your way across the country. It's true.

Now you're a peasant. That scares me. If you choose to travel. Space cruises, which is disgusting. But the people, my point is, it's not like the uber wealthy people that are getting on these cruise ships. No, it's animals. It's savage people. It's animals. They're fat pigs.

I could have been a personal trainer on the boat. I mean, people are looking at me like, how do you do it? You know? No, it's a real- They're going to party. They're going to have a good time. They're gr pigs. I could have been a personal trainer on the boat. I mean, people are looking at me like, how do you do it? You know? No, it's a real- They're going to party. They're going to have a good time. They're grotesque. You know what's the funniest thing?

On that boat, there was a little library, and I walked in. I'm like, has anyone checked out a book? And the guy goes, no. I'm like, has anyone ever checked out a book? Like, who's checking out a book? They have a library and a cruise ship. And it's not even good books. It's trashy romance novels, but none of these people can read.

I mean- What is the drug policy on one of those cruise ships? Can you bring weed on board? I think you can bring whatever you want. I mean, it depends, right? It depends if you dock at a- Yeah, but in international waters, what are the deals? I don't know.

I don't know if they search your bags. I mean, people were bringing food on board. That was disturbing. That's another thing, right? Like, you're not in America. No, you're in international waters, and you dock like outside of this fake little town in mexico where they literally bought the beachfront and it's a third world country and they drive you past roosters and shoeless guys running around what are you showing me this is a booze suit when he was oh that's right he got on the cruise and he

dude he came on i think he went on the booze to his body, right? All over it. Like drugs? Yeah. So what does he got? Bladders of gin. Bladders. Bladders and bottles of booze. This is a good move. So he bought those hiking bladders that you put in your backpack where you drink water out of, and he filled them with booze. But he's on a cruise ship where they have all this booze.

Yeah, but he wants the real deal stuff. They're going to water it down. They do? They don't give you shots? I think they do some... That's even more outrageous. I think you've got to watch. If they don't let you booze it up. Dude, if I'm on a boat, I'm getting drunk. Well, I'm sure there's different kinds

of cruises, but the ones we're talking about, like Carnival. If you were on those, wouldn't you want to be hammered? I'd want to be hammered. Dude, that's why people are like, oh, why are people leaving their houses? There are people that are like, if I can't go on a cruise and get fucked up, I don't want to live. There are those people right now. They're like, if I can't go to Applebee's, I don't want to live.

Yeah, there's people that are not having a great time in America. How many people are like weekend cruise people? Like every weekend they go on a cruise somewhere? I was on, I'm telling you, I did the practical joke. There was an old lady and she goes, you know, don't take Carnival. It's very bad. We've taken it twice. It was horrible at times.

Oh, they just cruise? Norwegian's good. Yeah, they just, they're cruise people. I mean, just the lowest caliber of human being to have ever drawn a breath. How much is a cruise cost? $50? $50? Dude, it's like no money.

It's too... It's for people that just got out of prison. Let's say if you're going to leave Mexico and you... Where would you go? South America? No, you don't leave Mexico. You leave... You just go out into the ocean and then you just come back to some fake town.

We went to Costa Maya. Look up Costa Maya, Mexico. Costa Maya, Mexico is a place that's owned, the cruise ships just own this little beachfront. Okay, so it's like a trip. You float around the water and then you come back. And you come back and then they just have these little stands on the beach. Wait a minute, this is crazy.

Cruises to Mexico from $109 a person? What did you think it was? For how many days? Like seven days. No. Yeah, dude. Is that real? Of course.

Oh my God, look at the big warning though, the COVID warning. Blow that up. What does it say, James? They're like, you'll die if you do this. People don't care. Oh, please be aware of any coronavirus, COVID-19 travel travel advisories, and view updates from the World Health Organization. Due to unprecedented volume of travel disruptions, refunds may take up to 30 days to process. Which by that point, you'll be dead.

They'll be like, 30 days is- So are they allowed to take cruises right now? Yeah, they're just like, lie about your symptoms. They're like, just- This is the next one they have available. It seems like August 30th is the first one they have available. Yeah. So they're banking on August 30th.

Dude, that boat's already full. People are going on that boat. Bro. Dude, August 30th is going to be a party. They don't give a shit. They're going to get on in hospital gowns right from the ER. They don't care. You know what they're going to do?

They're going to do all the people that have survived. Yes. It's going to be survivor party. We beat it. They also would have the antibodies. Of course. They're all going to have all the people that have survived. Yes! It's going to be survivor party. We beat it. They also would have the antibodies. Of course. They can party. They're all going to have the bracelets. They'll be in hospital gowns on the beach. But you know there's going to be one dude who lies about it.

Everybody's going to lie. He's going to come back because there's a girl. There's going to be fake bracelets. She's hot. He wants to fuck her so he told her. And she's not hot but she's a girl. She's hot enough. She's fine. She's hot enough for him to cause genocide. So he's going to come back with this virus. He's going to kill us all. He's going to destroy everybody.

He's going to kill us all because he wanted to fuck this chick and he's going to lie about having it. And she's got a new advanced form that it doesn't do anything to people that have already had it. Right. But as soon as it gets into a new person, it kills them. It makes so much sense that the virus that'll get rid of us as a planet come from a cruise, the most disgusting

unnecessary I mean, dude, this has nothing to do with the water. I thought it'd be like tropical. It has something to do with the water. It has nothing to do with the water. Nobody swims. Nobody gets to the island and swims. It's kind of a dump. People just go on and buy shitty jewelry. They buy fake jewelry. Dude, there's a TV in your

room on a cruise and when you turn it on, it's just commercials for shit you can buy when you dock at the island. Oh my God. It'll be a guy who's like, I've been in the cruise and jewelry industry for 20 years. It's like, that's not an industry. Dude, a cruise is $100. Yeah, it's $100.

And they buy garbage jewels because it's tax-free. How long is that cruise, Jamie? That was the three to five days section. That is insane! Three to five days! $100. Five days for $100. Dude, you can't even live for $100 five days section. That is insane! Three to five days! A hundred bucks. Five days for a hundred bucks.

Dude, you can't even live for a hundred bucks for five days just for food. All you can eat. All you can eat. Yes, and probably all you can drink. Everything's free

except for alcohol. That might be the craziest thing we've ever read on this show. That's why people are like, oh, Cruiser's going out of business. I'm like, I'll tell you, they're not.

They're not. That's a vacation for somebody who's fucked. So, but wait a minute, they're not. They're not. That's a vacation for somebody who's fucked. But wait a minute. It's not all booze included. No, you got to pay for booze. That's where they make their money. That's why they sneak it on.

That's why they sneak it on. Oh, that's how they make their money. So the $25 a day is just to, come on, we're friends. Yeah. Four days. $25 a day, $100. That's just unlimited fried food to throw down your throat. Three to five days for $100.

$109. Imagine five days of food for $109. They probably encourage you to get off the wagon. Like, what are you doing? Are you drinking water? Yeah, well, I'm clean and sober for 15 years now. They don't tolerate that. What the fuck are you doing on this boat, man?

They're like, it's a party. It's a carnival. Haven't you heard? Yeah. You don't need to see What the fuck are you doing on this boat, man? They're like, it's a party. It's a carnival. Haven't you heard? Yeah. Don't worry. You don't need to see your kids. Get fucked up. Just get fucked up and we'll give you Ibogaine at the end of the week.

Dude, you know that in a cruise boat, there's a little cruise jail? Swear to God. They have a cruise jail? They have a cruise jail. If you do something, sometimes you got to go to the cruise jail until they can dock and have the authorities come get you. So if you murder your wife. You do something like that, you go to the cruise jail.

The guy threw his wife overboard and they throw him in the cruise jail? He went to cruise jail. Look, there's a water slide. Look at these people. Hi. See, this is in the 80s, I guess, when it made sense. When did they start these things? Dude, there's comics that perform on them.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They live in hell. Yeah. There's something about it. It's just so strange. And when I was in Italy, three-day cruises for $325. That was when it first started.

Yeah, 85. That was 1985. It's cheaper now. It's probably like air travel. When I was in Venice, there were the people that were locals there. First of all, I mean, I'm an intruder. We're all intruders. There's too many.

Too many tourists. But they relied on it, too. So all intruders. There's too many. Too many tourists. It's like, but they relied on it too. So it's real strange. That's their economy. But it's also, it used to be more quaint. And then what happened is whenever a cruise ship would pull up, you would get, what, 2,000, 3,000 people would come pouring out at once. And so when we were there, two cruise ships docked. And it was crazy.

And then Venice is this beautiful city, and then you have this grotesque cruise ship with paintings of dolphins on the side. It's so white trash, like America just showing up. And then they would fill these river boats, and they would get into the canal area, and they were filled with people. Yeah. And they would drive around staring and pointing at things. People were like, wow, this is nuts.

Well, now that they're not around, you have like, things are coming back into the Venice canals, like dolphins. I know. But I know all these idiots are like, oh, it's not nice. It's like, it's nice, but the world economy's collapsed. It's not a good trade-off. There's, the people got addicted to people coming in, the tourists. Yeah.

But if they only had like a limited number, it should be like a house party. Like after a hundred people, you can't- Cut it off. Yeah. Cut it off. You can't only had a limited number. It should be like a house party. After 100 people you can't get in. Cut it off. You can't have cruise ships. Because they kept hitting the docks too. They hit the docks like twice. But you're going to need them. They're coming back hard. Cruises are coming back so big after this. I'm telling you.

You think so? People are going to feel invigorated. We're a sick country. And people all over the world. People are wild. And people are going to want to go on. There are people that love cruises. They think they've discovered a gold mine. They'll be like $109. People will tell you, I took a cruise for $160.

It's so embarrassing that they say that. And you're like, you're an animal. Well, if you're a non-drinker, though, it must be amazing. But here's the thing. It's so fun. There's a certain group of people in the world who have accepted they're animals. Right. And then it's so fun. There's a certain group of people in the world who've accepted they're animals. Right. And then it's just fun.

How many people are on cruises that are on a cruise every day because it's cheaper than being homeless? Great point. If you go to a cruise every day, if you're on a cruise every day, you're really only spending like $1.50 a week. That's carnival secure. You spend $150 a week, you get a room, and you get all the food you can eat. That is a crazy deal.

Can you imagine? It's a cure for homelessness. Carnival cruises. And they have booze there. Do they have booze 24 hours a day or do they have a cutoff time? No. So it's like Vegas. Yeah.

Of course. Do what you want. Imagine that. The freedom of being on this boat, this metal thing floating around the ocean. That's where you live. Where do you live? I live on the Carnival Cruise Line. There are people that do that, Joe, that literally live on a boat all year round.

Why not? You should be on a cruise every day of the year. Well, why not is because you're a person. That's the why not is because you're a person. But if you're not, there are people that do it. The level of big on those boats, those are big boys and girls. Like Disneyland. Four, five hunjis.

Yeah, when you see people on scooters. I saw a scooter and they were going on the boat. On the boat? They were going up the ramp on the boat. There's something fucked up about being on a vehicle and then people on scooters. I saw a scooter and they were going on the boat. On the boat? They were going up the ramp on the boat. There's something fucked up about being on a vehicle and then somebody on another vehicle. World's longest cruise hit sail from London. Oh, Christ. They left in September on a 245-day cruise.

Do you think that they're still out there? They had to come back. Oh, they're still out there. They would be safe if they were. They're all dead. Oh, my God. It's a Viking ship. The ship is just coughing at this point.

Look at the size of it. Go back. Is that a video? It's a picture, yeah, a video. Go back to the size of it when they pull it up. Would they have Viking carnival? Is this a Viking? Yeah, look how big.

But it looks like the name Viking is perfect for something like that. The Oasis of the Seas is the Viking. That was filled with Vikings and it came pulling into your shore. You'd be like, oh, fuck. Yeah, but this is not Vikings eating herring. This is people who are just, there are more chefs. Yeah, Viking sun, that's what it is. There are more chefs on that boat than doctors in the places they're going.

They're pulling up to an island with two doctors and they've got 65 people cooking. So is this thing still out there? That's what I was asking. I mean, I just was Googling how long was the longest trip. A lot of them, they're not letting them dock. This was $92,000 per person. This was a lot of money. That's a big one. $92,990

per person, which includes business class, airfare, meals, and a free excursion in each port of call. So these people just decided to live on this thing. For a year. For almost a year. And see the world. How many days, Jamie? 245.

Oh, ships free of kids and casinos. Interesting. Wow. That's interesting. These are the higher end ones, even though they're gross, too. Yeah. No kid or casino. Is that what it said?

Yeah. A lot of cruises, a lot of it's gambling. It's a lot of people that want to gamble. But this is a fairly small thing, right? It's like 900 people? It's interesting too. They have a world-class selection. They have like TED talks going on in there. That's interesting. Maybe they knew something was

coming. Let me tell you, right. Bill Gates is on the boat talking to me. He's like, don't worry. We're getting everybody. Nobody needs HPV. Bill's catching coverage. Tribal folk. There were no TED talks on the boat I was on. But imagine, that's a great idea. Like, if you were an older person, like a couple, and you're

like, you know, your kids leave the house. Let's do a year. Let's hang out together. Let's do a year on a boat together. Screaming while they're drunk. Around the third or fourth week, you go, what the fuck are we doing? What the fuck are we doing? Dude, there's something weird looking out and just seeing water. Yes. There's something weird.

Forever. And going, is there a doctor on this? And if something happens, what kind of doctor works on Carnival Cruise Line? What kind of, you know what I mean? It's not the best doctor. Allegedly. Yeah. He might be amazing. He might be a guy that's his calling.

Can you imagine being sick and being in the Carnival Cruise doctor's office? You'd be like, just throw me overboard. He'd probably experiment on people. Oh, God. That's where Gates is fucking using the vaccines. He's putting them in fat people on Carnival Cruise Line. They can't find a vein. They can experiment

with people in exchange for a free fare. Yeah. I mean, it was one of the weirdest things I've ever done. I did it three nights. I performed. Those are great. Salvo Khan is a great dude. He invited us all. He also does stand-up.

He's one of the jokers. But I mean, it's a wild party over there. And after three days, you're like, get me off. Get me back. And we left out of New Orleans, which was cool. Did you do it with Kreischer and Ari? Yes. Yes. Yes.

How fucked up does Burt get on a boat? You know, I'm trying to remember. I don't remember being more fucked up or less fucked up than usual. I think he was just, I don't know. He was drinking. I think it was right after Sober October. Yes. Right after Sober October.

He was having fun. Yeah. He was enjoying himself. But he's never like too. He goes hard in the paint. Yeah. I mean enjoying himself. But he's never like too- He goes hard in the paint. Yeah. I mean, he always handles himself well, though. What's amazing about Burt is how good a shape he's in.

Oh, yeah. For the amount of booze he does. He runs a lot. Yeah, but I was telling him, I was like, dude, your body is so robust. He's tough, yeah. Like, if you didn't drink at all, you would probably be a savage. Yeah, well, he was very in shape young. Well, he was in shape for sure, but I'm saying

the kind of work he's making his body go through every day. Every day he's making his liver process all that hooch. But you also said earlier that he shouldn't speak publicly if not drunk. No, he should drink.

He should drink every time he says something. He's better that way. I guess it's out there somewhere, that ship. Eight Canadians allowed to disembark from Viking Sun cruise ship in Gibraltar for repatriation. What the hell happens to the rest of them? For repatriation. What was that? Imagine you're going to live in Gibraltar.

Jesus. Well, what is it, quarantine? Yeah, I don't know. But, I mean, it sounds hilarious. It just sounds like something from a Game of Thrones book. Yeah, repatriation. This has been announced by the government, which says that this follows a request from the Canadian High Commissioner in London for Gibraltar's help in repatriating the seven passengers and one crewman. Yeah.

I don't even know what the fuck. Number six says the disembarkation took place in the bay, not alongside the cruise terminal. So they went to a smaller boat in the bay, and then were probably brought to the... Yeah, it says there's no cases of COVID-19 on board the Viking Sun, which had submitted a clear maritime declaration is therefore clear to enter the port.

That would be what would happen. Yeah. There would be a virus that runs through us like fire through bushes. Yeah. And they would repopulate the earth, these TED Talk people on this fucking cruise. Yeah. Oh, God. For 245 days.

Jesus. That might be what it is. Well, that's how you usher in the movie Idiocracy, if the only people that survived are cruise pigs. But these are the TED Talk cruise pigs. They're a different breed. Okay, you're right about that. And they're also spending $93,000 to do this thing for 245 days.

But they're all probably older. They're probably older. There's probably only a few young people that are doing that. There's no eggs. Yeah, there's no eggs on that boat. No eggs. Dude, it's the crew. It's got to be the crew.

The crew fucks their way out of this. And those are weird, too. The crew fucks. The crew is all people that work at the fucking Tiger Sanctuary. People that work on cruises are weird, too, man. Yeah. They're very strange. Yeah.

Like, it's odd. Yeah, they have to be. Those are guys that partied, and they're just like, what if this was every night forever? I ran into a comic at the port. I was with the missus on vacation. Yeah. And I ran into a comic at the port. I was with the missus on vacation. I ran into a comic at a port in Mexico. He had just gotten off this boat. The dude looked like someone stole some of his essence.

Really? They looked like someone had taken 10 to 15% of what makes him a person. He'd been working on the boat. Well, it wasn't like running to someone at Hilarity's in Cleveland. Like, what's up? Oh, how's the show? I love that club. Oh, it's great.

Our fucking shows are awesome. This was not that. It was not that happy feeling. Yeah, no. It was like, ugh. It's like, we're off the fucking boat. And it's realizing, like, this is what I'm doing for a living now. This is a tough one.

Yeah, I'm on a boat. I'm entertaining the worst people in the world in the middle of the ocean. Yeah. Do you know who loves those things, though? Again, shout out to Alonzo Bowden. Alonzo Bowden goes on jazz cruises. God, well, those may be different.

That might be different. People that like jazz, I mean, that's a little different. They're just people that go, I want to spend $35 to go on a vacation with my family because I can eat on a floating thing. Yeah, that's different. I mean, they don't even go and do anything cool. Yeah, you'd have to have a cruise, and the cruise would have to be populated by, it would

have to be people that are into shit you're into. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a lot of those. There's all kinds of cruises. I mean, dude, there's sick cruises. There was a Walking Dead cruise where people dress up like zombies. I mean, dude, there's like sick cruises. There was like there's a Walking Dead cruise

where people dress up like zombies. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Stuff like that's crazy. What if we did a working comedian cruise? A JRE cruise. Well, only people that are actual comedians and their significant others. Interesting.

Interesting. We'd hate each other. But five days and this floaty thing in the middle of the ocean. Yeah. Interesting. We'd hate each other. But five days in this floaty thing in the middle of the ocean? Yeah. Yeah. Someone would yell at Bert. We'd have to have a sit down. Someone would be really mad at Bert. If you're not on time, you get left. So how many people are going to get left at the first port?

Bobby Lee's never making it on board. A lot of people would not get on. Tony Hinchcliffe's barely going to make it on. Yeah, it would be bad. It would be bad. Comics are all irresponsible. Very much. The funny ones in particular are always super irresponsible. Yeah.

Most of them are. Yeah, most of them are a mess. Wow. Yeah, they wouldn't make it on board. But imagine if the only people that survived were the people on that cruise. That's a Stephen King type of novel. Yeah, it is. Where just the people aboard this cruise ship now have to, they, but think of how cool that is to be on a cruise ship and sail back to an America where everybody's dead.

Well, that would be great. They left London though, right? That's where it leaves. It left London 245 days. Yeah. Last week it said they had arrived in Bali. I was trying to track information about it. Imagine you're in the middle of this thing that you've been planning for a whole year.

I can't believe we're going to do it. Oh my God, we're really going to do it. We're going to do it in 245 days. Why not? The kids are out of the house. I love being around you. We're going to have a great time together. Yeah, it's going to be fun. And you're in the middle of the ocean. You find out the world's on fire. How about those guys on that show, Big Brother, who were being kept in isolation?

That reality show in Germany? They had no idea. And somebody had to stop them and go, hey, by the way, just to let you guys know, there's a worldwide pandemic ravaging the plague. Like, that's a crazy. My friend Adam Greentree, the dude who shot that water buffalo that's above the head up there.

Yeah. It's my bow hunting friend from Australia. He was actually in the bush when the shit hit the fan. And he got back to his car and someone had written in the dirt on the window uh call home asap something like that see is it down his instagram yeah he actually took a photo of it and put it on his instagram so he had no idea that thing right after 9-11 there was dust on a car window somebody wrote this is war get home asap wow so that's scary as fuck but he he

goes off the grid he He's a bow hunter. And he goes to these really remote locations. And he just brings a backpack and a small tent with him and water purification and arrows. And he fucking goes. He goes. And he'll go for like six, seven days like that. And so that's one of the things he did. So he was completely, you know.

So he left before there was even talk of this so he's got that that's his back and that's a little backpack said this is a very satisfying feeling in having uh everything you need on your back first day into some spectacular new zealand country insta story uploaded daily so he was just going up there and and by himself with no one with him, no contact with the outside world. But I guess he was still updating his Instagram. Who's taking that photo? He usually posts it when he gets back home usually, but this time he might have been there. He said he's updating it daily.

Yeah. I don't know. But either way. So he comes back and he finds that note on his car i mean a lot of what he does he does and he documents for social media because um one time uh back in the day it was like two years ago he was doing this 28 day hunt by himself in uh idaho and in wyoming including like encounters that he would stream with a fucking grizzly bear.

So he had a grizzly bear that was chasing after him. He had a faulty pistol on him. He didn't even know that the pistol didn't work. It had the wrong size of ammo in it. And he documented all of it. And we started talking about it on the podcast. So he developed this really engaged social media following that really gets excited when he goes on these trips.

Because he uploads. So this is it. So that's him with a gun. And if you can see, the gun, the bullet is not in the chamber. It's jammed. That's why it's open like that. So that bullet wouldn't have even fired. And that's a grizzly bear in the background.

Yeah, and she's got a cub with her. And she's thinking about fucking him up, and she bluff charges him a couple times, and he tries to get away from her. He tries to walk away, and she followed him. Really creepy shit. What do you do in that instance? What he did, he stood his ground, and she came charging at him. He said she got within several feet of him a couple of times before she turned away.

So what do you think a bear decides at that point? They just go, ah, fuck it. You never know, man. It's either gonna decide it's gonna kill you or it's gonna try to scare you. If it decides to kill you, it's over.

It's over. Yeah. It's over. There's nothing you can do. Yeah. Especially if you have a gun that doesn't work. Well, that's the thing.

You'd have to have a gun, yeah. They would tear you apart like you would tear apart a little baby chick, like a little baby chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how a bear would tear you apart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're so big and would tear you apart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're so big, and they kill moose. Yeah. They kill deer. They're monsters. Elk with their face. Just grab a hold of them and rip them apart. Yeah. They're so strong, man.

It fucks you off because they're cute looking. Yeah. They look cuddly, but they're not. They're like a 900-pound Rottweiler. Do you ever watch those things where guys hug them and live with them? Assholes. Yeah, it's weird. Assholes.

Very strange. You crazy fucks. Whitney Cummings was explaining to me how all these tigers are tortured. I didn't really know. I didn't know about all that. I didn't know that they were drugged and stuff. I thought the tigers kind of liked being showmen. I don't think that's stupid.

The ones on Tiger King? Yeah. Those weren't drugged. I don't think they were drugged. They drugged them when they moved them. Yeah, yeah. But some of them look, they just look, they're in these confined spaces. It looks.

It's hell. Yeah. It's not right. It's not right. They're wild animals. Well, it's not just that. It's also they're cats. And if there's anything that cats like more than anything, it's to kill.

They love killing shit. Right. And I don't think, I'm not saying that it's great that they kill things. I'm not like glorifying or even joking around about this. I'm just saying, think about what a cat is. Right. Just think about a house cat. House cats are some of the most vicious fucking monsters.

They're horrible. That walk to face the planet. Horrible. All they want to do is kill. And they're not even a little hungry. They try to kill you. They swipe at your face. They're trying to kill you.

Yeah. They just know that they're outgunned, so they let it go. Right. Right. But they're so small and they kill so much. Housecats kill billions of birds and mammals every year. Billions of them. Right.

Just they go outside and fuck these things up. Yeah, of course. And come back inside. And now imagine being something like that, but you're 700 pounds. Yeah, you're massive. And all you want to do is chase things and kill. And you never get to chase things. You never get to kill.

You just put it in a cage. Yeah, and every now and then they give you a beef leg to eat. Walmart expired meat from Walmart was what that guy was feeding them. Bro. And they're tearing this stuff apart and eating it, but they never get to kill anything. Yeah. They want to kill things. That's their nature.

You're robbing something of its nature. It's like telling us we can't do stand-up. Telling somebody you can't do the thing you enjoy. Exactly. Exactly. That's not what you're built to do.-up, telling somebody you can't do the thing you enjoy. Exactly. Yeah, when you're built to do. Don't touch your penis. Yeah. Don't touch your penis.

You're telling them not to do things that they want to do. And for a cat, you're never giving them that. There's a reason why cats exist, right? They're big and they're 100% carnivorous. They're very, very, very fast. Well, why would nature create something like that? Why would nature allow something like that? Because there's too many of the other things. How did the cat become domesticated?

Like, how did it become the version that we have now, just like kind of a fat, lazy, nasty animal? Good question. And when? When did it become? When did that? Because didn't in ancient Egypt they worship cats? Worship them. Cats are very interesting. But it's also, you know, they probably were amazed that cats wouldorshipped them. Cats are very interesting. But it's also you know, they

probably were amazed that cats would hang out with them. I bet they were dealing with like servals and shit like that. Those freaky cats that a lot of people keep as pets. Yeah, cool cats. The ones that are never really your pet. Yeah. Well, you never own a cat. You never own a cat. Cats never care.

Those predatory looking serval things. Yeah, the bangles and the servals. Yeah, of course. You had a bobcat in your yard. Dude, just walking around. Just walking around. What do you do in that instant? You don't care. Small.

Well, my daughter took the photo. I wasn't there. Okay. It wasn't that small. I mean, it was about 35 pounds. Did she send you the photo immediately? Yeah, she sent me the photo. And what do you do?

Do you go get inside? Holy shit. It was my older daughter. So it wasn't. But she's smart enough to know. She knows. Stay in the house. Yeah.

But the thing about it is they're always going to be around. We live in LA. Yeah. If you live in LA, right? If you're in the hills. Yeah. You think of hills. Just the...

That's the cat. There he is. That fucking thing. It's cool looking. Yeah. If there's anywhere that. There he is. Look at that fucking thing. It's cool looking. Yeah. If there's anywhere that has coyotes and everywhere has coyotes.

Everywhere. Everywhere. Burbank has coyotes. Well, they can have bobcats too and they probably do. Yeah. Yeah.

There's eagles. There's all sorts of shit. There's mountain lions. Down by Malibu, that area. Sure. Sure, dude. There's,

I mean, the thing about, particularly like the whole Los Angeles area, you know, Pasadena has a problem with bears. Bears going into people. Yes, dude.

There's a great video of this guy walking down an alleyway on his phone in Pasadena. Oh, yeah. I saw that. He doesn't realize. And he's the bear. Yeah. There's a fucking bear right in front of him. Like a black bear.

Well, California's flag is the bear. Yeah. Well, that's actually a grizzly bear. Interesting. California used to have grizzly bears. And the last grizzly bear was killed in Lavec or the last grizzly bear killed a person in Lavec, California.

And it was named after the guy who was the last guy killed by a grizzly bear. And they actually dug him up years later and found his bones were destroyed, which was consistent with a grizzly bear attack. Where is that? Is that Northern California? It's like, no, it's outside of Bakersfield, like off the 5.

If you fed that bobcat, would it come back? Oh, yeah. Yeah, people do. Dummies. Dummies feed them. I know a dude, his wife feeds coyotes. That's crazy. She leaves food out for the coyotes.

But a bobcat like that's fun. They're both crazy. Look at these bears in this guy's pool! In California? That's great. Pasadena, they come down off the mountains. You know, Pasadena's pretty fucking close to the mountains. So these are just regular bears, wild bears, that live in fucking Pasadena. And what's that sheriff gonna do?

He's gonna do shit, bitch! Pasadena has everything, man. They got hawks, they got mountain lions, they got bears, and they have these really nice old houses. Have you ever been to Pasadena? It's beautiful. Beautiful. The old Pasadena is amazing.

It's great, yeah. What they say is, this is they, I don't know who they are, but they say that the Hollywood fame people, the famous people in the early days of Hollywood- Lived there. The actors lived in Hollywood Hills, and the producers lived in Pasadena. And so they have these beautiful estates. Yeah, they're gorgeous.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, it's like Hancock Park is kind of like that. Have you ever been to Hancock Park? Exactly like that. Beautiful Hancock Park. Yeah, it's really nice. Yeah, but Pasadena's just, it's got a feel to it.

It's like, oh, wow. This was like some crazy, rich neighborhood. It has that stately feel of an older, cool neighborhood. Exactly. A lot of people drive Mercedes-Benz. Yeah. They're conservative with their money. Oh, yeah.

They're quite wealthy. They pulled the lever for Reagan. Yes. Yeah? They're liberal at parties, but not when they get in the booth. Yes. They just want to keep that money. There's a lot of LA people like that.

There's a lot of those people, right? They're woke in the boardroom, but then when they get in that booth, they pull the lever. They're like, we got to keep that money. Closet conservatives. Big time. There's one, this one lady came up to my wife and wanted to talk to her about conservatism because she thought that I was conservative for some reason. And it was like, you know, we're one, too.

Yeah. We're one of those two. That's so funny. Like no one wants to let anybody know. Yeah, like they're vampires. You know, it's like half the country is conservative. Yeah. And then I don't know why she assumed that I was.

Well, you talk to anybody. So you talk to people that you disagree with, you agree with. You have people on the show. It's also the way I look, I think. Yeah, that's part of it, too. You don't have black-rimmed glasses. You're not 95 pounds. You're not afraid of saying hello to someone.

But the whole thing of having two parties. It's crazy. And I think it might be ending. I mean, the chaos of the moment necessitates solutions that aren't political. Political solutions aren't going to work. You kind of said it when you said pinning blame on everything like that. The incentivizing of politicizing everything is not going to work. We just need people that are intelligent.

And I think all the systems, whether it's technology, whether it's health, it's not, the solutions are not political. It's not electoral politics. It's not elect a Senator. It's not elect some idiot who convinced everybody in Texas to vote for him or people in Long Island, New York to vote for him. It's, it's finding the, some of the people you've had on this show, people in that echelon and putting them in a room and going, how the fuck are we going to figure this out? It's not guys that convinced people in Virginia that they were that they had their best interest at heart. I mean, it's just an old system and it needs to be modernized. That's a really eloquent way of putting it.

Yeah. You might have a good point there that hopefully people recognize this is not serving them to have these rigid parties on one side and the other side. Not at all. Most people are way more nuanced. And most people don't care. Most people are not a Republican or a Democrat when they're out to dinner. They want to have money.

They want jobs. We just draw a line and say you have to be this or that. But especially now with all these different problems, your solutions are not going to come from the two parties. It also solidifies what's really important. Everyone says, well, what's really important is family and love. Right. Guess what?

That is really what's really important. It is. That's not just rhetoric. Yeah. That's really important. And you realize that when the shit hits the fan. If you're wealthy and trapped in a mansion by yourself and you don't have any friends, can you imagine? Yeah, I could. I'd love to imagine being trapped by myself in a mansion by yourself and you don't have any friends. Yes. Can you imagine?

Yeah, I could. I'd love to imagine being trapped by myself in a mansion. Can we arrange that? How many days a week do you think you'd handle that? Seven. What would you do if no one could visit you? Nobody liked you. Well, no.

I mean, listen, people are going to like you with a mansion. That's the benefit of having a mansion. People like you. They tend to like you. You have to be a real dick to not have friends in a mansion. Especially if you have parties, right? Yeah. You have to be a real asshole for people to go, oh, that guy with the mansion?

Fuck him. Let's go somewhere else. I get what you mean, though. I mean, listen, that stuff does, you know, listen, these are the things that are the, you know, but not everybody has those luxuries. Not everybody has that thing, you know? It's true. So there's a lot of people that devote their lives to other things or whatever.

Yeah. I feel bad for people that are working at places where they're exposed to this disease and they're getting nothing for it. So that's what I said earlier. If you're working at a grocery store and you're getting shit money and you're being exposed to this, as a country, we should do something for you. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's like, hey, man, you have a student loan. you're being exposed to this. It's like we should do, as a country, we should do something for you. Yeah. I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's like, hey, man, you had a student loan. We're taking care of it. Or like, hey, you want a good interest rate on a mortgage? Five years from now, we're doing it for you. Like, we got to do something for those people. Right. Because if your job used to be stacking apples, now your job is you could die. Stacking apples.

Stacking apples. There's got to be some way to, because we're all depending on those supply chains and those things being open. Yeah. So if you're putting meat in a package, if you're at Bristol Farms, a store that I love, if you're doing whatever. Is that your spot? That's my spot.

I love it there. It's just great. It's just, it's for new money. It's for trash. It's not like Air One, which is for healthy people. Bristol Farms is for millionaires that want Apple Jacks. It's like, you know, it's like. It's like for TikTok people, rappers. I saw a lady in Air One.

She was dressed up like a hot beekeeper. Yeah, that's what Air One's all about. She was so protected with the goggles and the mask. Yeah, Bristol Farms is absurd. It's like people pull up in Bentleys and get s'mores pie. They have s'mores pie at Bristol Farms. It's like you've got to be a real gutter trash.

But those people need some benefit. So that's what I mean when I say it's a failure of the government. It's not like you can't pin it directly on Trump. Everyone pins everything directly on Trump. I don't think he's doing phenomenally especially in communicating he's doing what he does.

But I think look at the system and you go, we just passed a $2 trillion bailout. We're giving people $1,200. That can't be the solution. Anything he does that's really good gets minimized when he does something stupid. Yeah. It's hard for people to give him... Because there's no good guys. The post about his ratings.

Yeah. The post about his ratings that it's beat The Bachelor. Yeah. If that's not trolling, if that's not trolling, then it's no good guys. The post about his ratings. Yeah. The post about his ratings that it's beat The Bachelor. Yeah. If that's not trolling, if that's not trolling, then it's real. I don't know if it is trolling. I don't think it's trolling. But you can't do that when people are falling down dead. It's crazy.

You can't do it. It's a problem. So anything good that he does, like closing off traffic to China early, you know, and deciding that, hey, listen, this travel to China is not smart. Back and forth. We have to stop that. And people are really upset at him. You know, and deciding, hey, listen, this travel to China is not smart. Back and forth. We have to stop that. And people are really upset at him.

That gets diminished by a tweet like that. I think he wants people to like. I think he wants the media in Hollywood to like him. I think that's what his supporters don't understand. I think he actually is a creation of Hollywood. All these people that are like, Hollywood, Trump's taking on Hollywood. It's like, he's a creation of Hollywood. This is the guy that loved the Clintons up until he ran against them. Well, he was the host of a Hollywood television show.

So it's just convenient that he became this crusader against the elites that he spent his entire life around. Well, that was his point, though. His point was, I know what they actually do. Because I used to pay them. A hundred percent. I mean, that was his point that people bought into it. They're like, oh yeah, this guy's going to fight on our behalf. I've just never believed that about any politician because I'm an adult.

I think it's complicated. Like everything. You almost need a guy like him today to show that a guy like him can get through. Sure. You know what I'm saying? To understand the frailty of the system, somebody has to

exploit it. You know how they hire those hackers to test your- Yes, you can get through. Or they give a guy a gun at the airport and go, can you get through? Yeah. Right. But I mean, hackers, it's a famous thing that companies will do. They'll hire hackers to try to break into their software. Yeah.

To find out what are our vulnerabilities. It's just, this is a weird thing to run a simulation. This is a weird- During a pandemic, it might not be weird thing to run a simulation. This is a weird... During a pandemic, it might not be the idea to run a simulation with a guy and be like, hey, let's see. I don't think it's a simulation. No, I'm kidding. I figured the exploit, but now we know the exploit.

Look, having a popularity contest to see who controls the nukes is crazy. It's crazy. Especially because we're frivolous. Yeah. And what do we pay more attention to? The Kardashians. Who's right. And I got to frivolous. Yeah. And what do we pay more attention to? The Kardashians. Who's right.

And I got to be honest with you, they won't... If Kim Kardashian would make a better president than a lot of people, a lot of people in Congress, that's how crazy it's gotten. That's how crazy it's gotten. That she's not the worst out there. She's not the worst. She's not the worst. She's not the worst. She's a businesswoman.

Yeah. She's smart. She's working for prison reform. She's doing things worst. She's not the worst. She's a businesswoman. Yeah, she's smart. She's working for prison reform She's doing things. She goes to goes to Trump. Yeah helps people get out of jail that are unjustly imprisoned That's great has for many many people right now. That's pretty cool Like more than 18 people have been released because of Kim Kardashian. I think it's crazy Kim I'll go with you if you want to go to the White House I'll I'll you I'll take I want to see you with a MAGA hat on I will go there I mean, I'll yeah there I'll wear any hat

Do you think that would ruin your Hollywood career? I don't think I have a Hollywood If I have a Hollywood career, someone let me know Someone email me or call if I have a Hollywood career You don't want one Yeah, my career is in my apartment That's better I mean, that's the reality

My career is a microphone, I get to say what I want I would like to be an extra and curb your enthusiasm or something. I could do something very funny on a show like that. I guess Larry David had a show where he wore a MAGA hat so people wouldn't talk to him. That's a great episode. But that's one of the really funny, great shows out there. Oh, it's a brilliant show. But there's only a few of those that are really that good and there's a lot of garbage. But like

who is like a Trump fan, an open Trump fan that's popular? Other than Kanye. Well, there's got a lot of guys, sports, right? Guys like Tom Brady and stuff. Yes, Tom Brady. They all catch shit for it. As far as Hollywood, it's Clint

Eastwood. Oh, is he? Yeah, I would imagine. I think he's said things. Yeah, I don't know. But he's known for being a Republican. Do you remember when Clint had that thing where he pretended that Obama was sitting next to him and he had a conversation with him? Yeah, yeah. It was a chair, right?

He was talking to an empty chair. What? I think a lot of studios. There's probably a lot of... It's just crazy. Imagine if you did that. I said, hey, Tim, what'd you do last night? They put me in a hospital.

Well, I went to the Republican convention, and they had me stand on a podium, and I just pretended that Obama was sitting next to me. Yeah, you spoke to a chair. Well, someone's got to, but nobody has the balls to go up to Clint Eastwood and go, let's not do this. Yeah, what are you doing? Let's not do this, Clint. But what kind of a ridiculous proposition is that?

To pretend to have a conversation with someone, and then you make up their answers? It was the same reason that Gal Gadot and all those people were like, let's sing Imagine. And no one said, guys, this is the worst idea ever. I think Republican operatives put them up to that.

If I was a Republican operative, I'd call Gal Gadot and I'm like, why don't you get a bunch of people to sing Imagine. Just walk by her. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we need right now. Just get it in their head. There's a lot of celebrities now, like, you can see how out of touch some of them are because they're quarantining in mansions and they're like, just use this time to breathe. Just be.

Just be and just be okay with the silence. Cook. Nourish yourself. I'm like, people are jumping out of windows nobody has any fucking money you psychopaths just take this time to do yoga to breathe the earth is repairing itself i love those people the environmentalists were like the earth is repaired the air in los angeles is so clear i'm like like, you're going to clearly see stabbings very soon. Lex Friedman put out an Instagram post a few days ago explaining

how many different viruses are currently in contention right now in a world war that is happening inside of all mammals. But he was just saying there's wars going on. Here it is. Look at this tweet. There are

320,000 plus distinct viruses in mammals and 100 million plus in vertebrates, invertebrates, and plants. There's an epic microscopic world war going on all around us and inside us. Nature is beautiful and horrifying. Sorsa, Anthony et al., Viral Diversity in Mammals. It's on Lex Friedman, L-E-X-F-R-I-D-M-A-N,

Lex Friedman, his Instagram. Lex, who's been on the podcast a bunch of times, is a genius. And he's oddly fascinated by that. How old is that guy? He's like a young guy, right? He's pretty young. He's in his 30s.

And he's like, he's a fucking genius. How old is that guy? He's like a young guy, right? He's pretty young. He's in his 30s. And he's like, yeah, he's like, he's a fucking genius. How depressing. Stop spending time with viruses. Enough. But we need to know. This is what it is. Do we?

No, we do. We thought we were okay. Yeah. I think, I mean, we're going to come out of this with a better understanding of the landscape. A hundred percent. I think that's the only good that I see out of this. But we need to be silly and fun and stupid and people need to not every day look at models.

Everyone's like, the new model says the old model. It's like, dude, unless it's a real, like it's something that we need to do to stay safe, you don't inundate yourself with coverage. Unless it's my podcast. There's a reality of any time there's a disaster. Yeah. Is that some people can't keep the shit together. Right. with coverage unless it's my podcast there's a reality of any time there's a disaster yeah is that some people can't keep the shit together right and you find it during disasters and one

thing that you do find is that there's going to be people that make too much noise with meaning they they complain too much and they're freaking out too much and they make the experience bad for other people right and that that's always been a problem with human beings. It's just we had the world set up so easy that they were never tested before. Now virtually everyone on the planet is tested with a new form of adversity and a new thing that induces anxiety. So these are new things. Yeah.

And we're expecting people that are kind of weak to handle new things. And when I mean weak, I mean psychologically weak. There's certain people that they're prone to indulgence. They want too much attention for their sorrow and their anxiety. They complain too much. Of course. They're annoying to people. And they exist.

Well, those people are another thing that we have to consider that they're, they're dealing with an unprecedented amount of stress and we're expecting them to handle it. And there's, yeah. But I think, I think it's like people like our job is to kind of, if we can make this funny, if we can, if we can show that, you know, it is dark, but I make fun of dark stuff. So that's cool. That's fine.

You know, for me, I just think the challenge here is to just go keep being funny. Be funny throughout. And then when you're able to get back on stage and be funny, you'll be okay. Have fun. You'll be okay. But if you curl up in a ball or you just give in to the temptation to be all doom and gloom, I'm doom, gloom, plus funny. You can be doom, gloom, and funny. I don't think we necessarily have to all doom and gloom. I'm doom gloom plus funny. You can be doom gloom and funny.

I don't think we necessarily have to be doom gloom. We gotta be realistic. But even as shit stands right now with this disease going on, it's still the best time to live human beings have ever experienced. Well, until next month with the Great Depression. You son of a bitch!

It's coming. But listen. What do you think? You just told me to buy a gun and hour a gun. It's the best time to live. You definitely should have more than one. Yeah, I should have more than one. You should have a couple guns.

Okay, that's a good point. Yeah, and boxes of bullets. Yeah. It is a, you know, it's a good time to live, but you need, you know, you need weaponry. I read about a house party in Bakersfield. If you robbed my apartment, you're- Did you hear about this? Yeah.

People got together. They had a house party in Bakersfield and someone fired off 94 shots and shot six people. Imagine 94 shell casings they found. See if you can find the story. These are the type of people that are going to break quarantine. And these are human beings. Look, but overall, you have to be impressed with the compliance. Yeah, 100%.

Everybody's basically doing the same thing. We're just staying at home and going to the grocery store and staying at home. But then also people are becoming rats. People are calling the cops. There's people that are calling the cops and kids walking too close together and shit. I don't like when people become rats. Well, Garcetti is offering rewards. Yeah, I don't like that.

Did you see that? Yeah, I don't like that. They're offering rewards. I think that's a whole other bigger problem. Are your neighbors hugging you? Yeah, yeah, dude. Turn them in. Dude, I don't like how humanity so easily snaps into like, you know, just informing on people. I don't love

that. I think that's something in us that I hate. I'm real nervous that we're going to have to have the antibodies in us in order to be able to go places. Well, that's not going to work because I don't think a huge percentage of us have had this virus. No, I don't think it's going to be like that. I think they're going to either have a vaccine or have some sort of antibody that they can give you. Oh, so you're going to need that plasma transfusion thing.

Yeah, exactly. I'm not worried. I think I beat it. I think I had it. We're going to find out, bro. You keep saying this. You're going to find out, bro. You keep saying this. You're going to feel like a goof in 23 minutes. I'm confident because what if I had it?

Okay, I'm going to go congratulations. What if I beat it? That's wild. Well, a few of my friends have beat it. Like I said, Michael Yeo, my friend Sturgill Simpson, he's got it right now. His wife doesn't have it. His kids don't have it. And he got it in Europe weeks ago.

Weird. It's strange, man. It's weird, man. It's weird. I'm very excited to find out. I hope there's, if I do have them, I want it to be like a ceremonial. Imagine a strange virus like that, though,

that gets into some people and does nothing and other people devastates them and devastates mostly older people, but occasionally young people. Occasionally healthy people. Well, you know what it is, dude? If you were to design a bioweapon, like a psychological weapon, this is psychological. I don't think it's an effective bioweapon in the sense that it doesn't kill enough people, but it is-

Well, not only that, it kills everybody. It's like it's going to kill you too. It's going to kill your family. But it's a very effective psychological weapon because you don't know who it's going to kill your family but it's a very effective psychological weapon because you don't know who it's going to kill well you could say terrifying but you could also say like what if you knew that it was coming so you protected yourself and your loved ones with some medicine that only you knew and then you release this shit and you watch it wreak havoc. And then when the stock market crashes,

you start buying up stocks. Yeah. And you just start speculating. Yeah. Well, it's just, again, it comes on the heels in China of some massive protests. Yeah.

Not only in China, but all around the world. Do you imagine if one day we find out that they released an artificially created virus to cause a world pandemic so they can get out of some political shit that'd be great

imagine if there was a nation that was that evil I'm not saying they did that I'm definitely not saying they did that but I'm saying imagine how crazy that would be if something like that did exist yeah it could happen and I think it would be bigger bigger than a nation. But I'm saying imagine how crazy that would be if something like that did exist. Yeah, it could happen. And I think it would be bigger than a nation. It would probably be some of the most powerful people ever.

I mean, I think that would be bigger than one nation. Maybe. That might be a lot of different people going, listen, man, we just got to. Look, if you were China and you were evil, I'm not saying China's evil, but if you were, let's just say we're in a movie. Let's not even call it China. Let's call it the dark land. Trump is going to start calling it the dark land very soon.

And they decided to release a virus that kills a gigantic chunk of the population, causes everyone to stay home, causes the market to collapse, and then dive in and start buying up giant chunks of the businesses. Control these businesses. It's crazy. It could absolutely happen. And we wouldn't know, and you wouldn't be able to prove it, and it would take a while to find out, even though China is now suppressing research into the origins

of the virus, which is not a good sign. And that doctor disappeared. Dude, none of these things are good. None of these are good. But I'm not worried. You should be terrified. Why are you not worried? Because you've got to be a fatalist at a certain point. You've got are good. But I'm not worried. You should be terrified. Why are you not worried? Because you've got to be a fatalist at a certain point. You've got to go, if I'm

going to go, I'm going to go. That's what it is. You've got to be a fatalist at a certain point. You sound like a cowboy. Yeah. I'm very zen. If you're going to go, you're going to go. You know? You know what's great? One of my friends was on a on a flight

and uh was about to uh he was sitting next to somebody funny guy comedian dan saint germain and he was sitting there and he was working and there was a he was working on like a show and there's a producer behind him he's he's sitting there the plane's really rocky it's getting really bad it's stormy and he goes you know whatever happens i had a good life and the woman behind the producer goes no you haven't great oh my god no you haven't she goes no you haven't what are you talking about do you know how many people work with someone they hate how many people work with someone that they think is really fucking annoying and they just can't. A lot of people. There's no choice. You gotta do it. You gotta show it. Now you work with somebody you hate and they're coughing. Imagine that.

Now your co-worker's coughing. Oh my god. And you're like, I think Cynthia's got the bug. That dry cough. Dude. It's gotta be terrifying to hear that next to you. You're working

and all you hear is, that's got to be crazy. You'd be so angry. You'd be mad. Why didn't she get more sleep? Yeah. Why didn't she take vitamin C? Yeah, no one's thinking like that,

but they're all, I love how he thinks everyone's like so healthy. Why didn't you wash your hands? Yeah, why didn't she go to the sauna? No, everyone's like, fuck that bitch. I'm glad she's dead.

I'm getting out of here before I start coughing. You know, it's tough. The idea that you could take a bunch of people in a workplace, 20 people, and you just make them become friends. It's crazy. They have to work together every day. If you're in an office of 20 people and you see insane people every day, they have to be your friends. Well, that's what all those elite fraternities like Skull and Bones and shit, the challenge of them is you of 20 people and you see insane people every day yeah they they have to be your friends well that's what like all those elite fraternities like skull and bones and shit the challenge of them is you take 20 people you think are going to be leaders and they don't know each other at all and you force them to have this lifelong bond how do you do that you do it by

like making them do embarrassing shit in front of each other that's the whole thing of like why those institutions exist like harvard and yale all those places that are just take very successful people that have potential to be future leaders and be influential people and like mold them together and force them to create very close bonds. That's what all those secret societies and fraternities, that's what all that stuff's about. So it's very interesting. That's what elite power circles have done forever. That's the whole point of any of those things is to just create bonds between people that

have no idea that each other existed before they wake up next to each other in coffins or whatever. It's a ritual. The thing that people are always talking about when it comes to conspiracy theories about depopulation of the planet. It's always like the elites are going to depopulate the planet. They're going to kill 50% of the population, and then they're going to takeopulate the planet. They're going to kill 50% of the population. And then they're going to take over and control things. And it sounds ridiculous. Right.

It sounds ridiculous. Until they have the robots. Or you have a virus. Right. Because they don't have the robots yet. They still need us to pick berries and shit. When they have the robots, all bets are off. Yeah.

Once AI advances to that level, once you see the self-driving cars and all that stuff, once you walk into a bank and a robot's like, hello, Mr. Rogan, then you're like, oh, yeah, we're going soon. They're going to start stuffing bats and chickens. I don't think we're going to get to that. Yeah. I think we might not get to that.

No. I think if this symbolizes the new normal and then this is like we're going to realize that these things are around us, and there are hundreds and millions of them, and they're constantly morphing and evolving. But then you just live in terror. Yeah, but maybe that's just what the future is. Maybe we live like mice, you know?

That's not even a life, though. Terror. But that's not a life. There's a lot of rats. That's not a life. Did you see that thing that I sent you about rats in New York? Yeah, I woke up to it. I woke up.

He texted me like, he texted me there are rat wars in New York. I looked outside. It was beautiful. I'm like, fuck New York. Fuck those people. Fuck those comedy purists over there in New York. Now they're living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape where rats are fighting each other. Well, when I say go do this guy's podcast, they go, I wouldn't do a YouTuber's podcast.

I'm like, you're an idiot. Some of those people are stupid. Oh, so they think they just want to do stand-up. Yeah, yeah, those people. So I'm like, you know, not all of them. Listen, the funniest people in the world, you know, were from the East Coast, are from the East Coast. But, you know, sometimes you can be a little short-sighted. Well, I think there's some...

The thing about podcasts is there's so many of them. So you go, well, what is a podcast? Is it like this really horrible one that I don't want to listen to? Or is it like, you know, fucking some really interesting, well-produced laundry show? Right. Like, what is it? What is a podcast? How is it what I do and also what dan carlin does

how the fuck are those the same thing they're not really they're not but what's interesting is like it's just the you've always made this point about comedy you've said comedy is so many different things right that's why you have the net and then you have whatever else like you have yeah you have the full spectrum of they look similar but you have the full spectrum very much so so that's the whole thing so I think with podcasting it's just it's not even a thing it's just like

it's just a platform it's a technology that allows everybody to do whatever they want yeah it's like having an Instagram page like my Instagram page

is very different than Dalia's which is very different than Kyle Dunnigan's it's like everybody's got a different thing that they're doing with it.

And what a podcast allows you to do, it allows you to do like a show or a thing without having anybody else tell you what to do. Right. That's exactly it. Think about what you're doing. Who the fuck would ever tell you that's a good thing to do? No one would ever tell me anything I've done is a good thing to do my whole life. No one would have ever looked at anything I've said and said, no, do that.

That's a great investment, that house. Especially like a podcast though, right? Like what do you want to do? Do you plan this out? Yeah, no, I just rant. I just go. I just go about things I care about. They go, get out of here.

They go, get out of here. That's psychotic people. I can't bring this to the producers. Yeah, they're like, this is not going to work. This is what people in mental institutions do. You think I'm going to bring that to network? That's your idea. Oh, you're going to talk.

How are we going to sell that to Quibi? That thing's about to go bye-bye-bye. Well, listen, it's a mobile streaming app that they launched during a pandemic when most people are watching TV on their couch going, yeah, I'm not commuting anymore. It's a good time for some things, though. Not that thing. But what if it's got a big audience right out of the gate with some high-profile guests?

Yeah, I'm sure the 30 million unemployed people are going to be there tomorrow to keep buying it. They're in a little bit of trouble. And I don't have the facts to back that up, and I don't have the stock certs, but I'm telling you right now, if I were them, I'd start preparing alternate strategies. What's an alternate strategy? It's backed by big people.

Meg Whitman, who ran eBay, and Jeffrey Katzenberg who ran DreamWorks. They advertise on the podcast. And they're brilliant people that I love. They're friends of mine. I hang out at their house. I'm best friends with both of them. Really? But when I watched a Quibi launch thing, yeah, we hang out all the time.

When I watched the Quibi launch thing, they spent a lot of that thing talking about how the movie looks different if you hold it like this and you hold it like that. Because the picture switches when you go like this and like that. And I'm like, if that's 50% of the reason I need to have your thing, we're in deep trouble. Deep, deep trouble. I mean, it's just, you know, edit that all out. The point is. But you know what I mean? It's like, you know, it would have been a great idea in a world where everybody's maybe commuting all the time.

This world, even when we come back, dude, a lot of people are going to be staying at home. A lot of companies are going to go, you're non-essential. We don't need you in the office. Yes. You can stay home. No, I think for sure. Meetings are happening now. But isn't it weird that it's like really good for some things like Netflix?

Great. Great for Netflix. It's great for that. Great for podcasts. Great for podcasts. Great for what else? What else is great? Terrible for sports.

Terrible for sports. They take the worst hit of anybody. Yeah. Terrible for sports. Terrible for live entertainment. Terrible for anything that, you know, festivals and concerts and things like that. You know, live events. You know, live podcast.

Kill Tony is the biggest live podcast in the world. Can't do it. It's hard for that. Things like that. But what it is good for is for streaming services, for content, for online podcasts, things like that. You know, probably for, you know probably for you know for you know these these networks and apps that allow you to communicate with a lot of people at once like things like zoom you know these things are these things are going to be big probably too big

for zoom right that was the problem yeah then then you know there's probably going to be some some things that go by the wayside because of this yeah like this might kill movie theaters this is good well i read an article about amc that said that they're they they may not reopen some things that go by the wayside because of this. Yeah. Like this might kill movie theaters. This is good. Well, I read an article by AMC that said that they're, they, they may not reopen. They've,

they've been downgraded from like bad to like fucked. Yeah. I read that too. Yeah. So they're in trouble, but it's also a lot of people would like to just be able to get the movies at home. Yeah. No one cares.

And the way they're doing it with Apple, it's kind of forced their hands. So Apple's got like on iMovie or i, what is it? iHome, iTV. Some people, but they're doing it with Apple, it's kind of forced their hands. So Apple's got like on iMovie or i, what is it? iHome, iTV? Some people, but they're living in a horror show. So when they try to watch a movie, it's like someone's giving birth in the next room. So the problem is some people go to the movie theater as an escape.

Right. So the reality is, depending on how much, you know, it's like you're sitting on the couch. Your grandmother's dying of corona. You're like, I'm trying to watch a film here. And this bitch is hacking her lung up in my house so some people need those things yeah yeah for sure movie i think something will come back dude or some it'll be some hipster bullshit thing that it'll go away for a few years and they'll bring it back like remember this well those are the cool ones when you go to a town yeah like a local movie theater with the real butter on the popcorn and shit.

I was in Bozeman, Montana, and we saw Back to the Future. Oh, that's great. Back to the Future in the movie theater. So I was like, this is amazing. And it's like one of those, but the seats suck, right? No, they were good. Okay. Drive-ins could come back. People have been like, Oh, good call, Jamie. Good call. A lot of hand jobs.

1950s. 1950s drive-in. How many people got jerked off at a drive-in? A lot. That's a number that's almost uncountable. It's crazy. 80% of the people were getting jerked off. At drive-ins.

Wild. If they saw a movie there, they got jerked off 80% of the time. That's so funny. It's so funny now how violent movies are getting jerked off to just a violent film. Just a horrific. Once upon a time in Hollywood. Just 12 years a slave and you're getting jerked off. just a violent film, you know? Just a horrific. Once upon a time in Hollywood. Just 12 years a slave and you're getting jerked off. It's like, God, this is rough.

Got to do what you got to do. That's the way it is. Just got to do it. I'm, you know, I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm curious. Yeah. I'm curious how this is going to go down. I think you made a good point.

It makes me think about health differently and the necessity of really trying to turn take care of myself better because you want to be able to fight these things off. Think about it like the three little pigs. You don't want a house made of straw. Thank you very much. You don't want a house made of sticks.

You want a house made of bricks. I've never read that. Is that what it is? Yes. The Three Little Pigs. The wolf blows the house down. Yes. Okay, now I remember. So what it is is the idea to protect yourself from a wolf, bitch. Make a real fucking house.

But if I have those antibodies, it means that I got bricks. Maybe. And that's crazy. Maybe it comes back. We don't know what this fucking thing is. We don't know. We don't even know if it's real. It's probably not real.

It's 5G. You're burning 5G towers, you fucking morons. What is 5G? I don't even know if it's real. It's probably not real. It's 5g burning Fucking morons what is fine? I don't even know what 5g. I got your speed internet It's it's it's a new bandwidth. You don't think there could be some issues with that I think could be right, but it's a new thing so when the when you have like video files I download it download like yeah, I think I'm flying in man I just know that everybody everything is one

conspiracy now. Everything's like it's Knights Templar and 5G. And I'm like, guys wait a minute. My phone has 5G. I never used it once. I have a Galaxy Note that has 5G. I've never gotten the 5G once. I have Sprint. I don't even have any of the Gs. I have like the most embarrassing service. Sprint is for people

who have no control over their own life. Is that true? It's a bad service. It's not good. Verizon and AT&T are for legit people. AT&T is sketchy. Yeah, but- It's not for people who like to talk on the phone.

The good thing about AT&T is you can pretend your signal sucks. You can be like, I'm on AT&T, sorry. Be like, I got to go, yeah. Verizon seems to be able to hold more- Verizon's the one that everyone has. But the fact that there's dead spots anywhere in 2020, fuck you. Yeah. In China, you could be on the top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere and you get five

bars. Those motherfuckers are wired. I know. But 21 million people lost those cell phones on the mountain. I know. They lost those phones. Goodbye. Well, tell them what it is.

It's 21 million cell phone subscribers that are no longer online. So that means, and cell phones are a way to attract people in China, so the government loves people having them. Yeah. So the idea that 21 million disappeared might suggest that the death toll is higher. Or the other option was they were saying what it also could be would be that a lot of people had two lines, and then when the pandemic hit, they'd lost the ability to hold two lines. Yeah. They didn't have the money for it anymore, so they canceled one of the lines.

It also feels like there's a group of people that are trying to push the war with China narrative. You start to feel that. You start to feel people are like, hey, maybe let's, hey, they're the enemy. Let's fight them. And it's like, they probably are the enemy, but do we need a war now?

Right. Of course we don't need a war, but we don't need a war with China. We don't need a war with China right now. That's a real war. Yeah, let's we need a war now? Right. Of course we don't need a war, but we don't need a war with China. We don't need a war with China right now. That's a real war. Yeah, let's just take a break. Yeah, a war with China is not like a war with Afghanistan. No, that's a serious war.

That's a real war. Yeah, we don't need that. With an army that's huge and super powerful and has nuclear weapons. And let's just pretend they did light those people on fire that were sick. Hey, everybody makes mistakes. If they did, imagine people on fire that were sick. Hey. If they did, imagine what they'll do to you. Everybody makes mistakes. Imagine what they'll do to you if they eat dogs.

If I was in a closed-door meeting and they said, we torched 20 million of our people, I'd go, hey. No. This is the way you do it. Do you really want to fuck with people who eat bats? No. I don't think you do. No. I think you're dealing with a billion of them, too.

Let's just let them do their thing. Let's do our thing. We don't think you do. No. I think you're dealing with a billion of them. Let's just let them do their thing. Let's do our thing. We don't need a war. I don't need to go there and eat a bat. Well, it's also they're already imprisoned by their government. We're not against Chinese people. No. No one is.

And I'm not even saying I'm against the Chinese government. I'm saying that the Chinese government is for sure a dictatorship. They're an authoritarian government. But we don't want to tell people what to do. We can slide in that direction in America. I'm just saying what it is. It is what it is.

That's what it is. And I think the worry is that people that call that out, which is true, but they also should realize we can slide there. Yes. This is my point has always been that we're human beings just like them, and they are doing it that way. Yeah. They have a dictatorship that tells them what to do in 2020. There's no difference between them and us. It's just they're in a different part of the world.

Right. But that could be us. Could be us. Got to be careful. Yeah. We got to be real careful. Got to be careful, man. Giving up our rights.

Especially right now. Because those rights, they slip away. They chip away. And then you never get them back. Right. Because those rights, they slip away, they chip away. And then you never get them back. Right.

And, you know, Michael Shermer and I were having a conversation about being able to talk to people that you don't agree with and how important that is. Yeah. He wrote a book about giving the devil his due, like being able to talk to people you disagree with. Well, all this is what this all relates to this kind of this thing that's going on here. There's got to be open discourse. They can't shut down where you go. They can't shut down what you do. You have to have freedom.

Because if you don't have freedom, then you can tell me what to do for some strange reason. You can be a person that decides to tell me what to do. I don't want that. That's why we started this country in the first place. If we're going to slide towards safety so hard. That's why you've got to deal with people's opinions online that you don't like. Because they have the right to express them.

That's why I've always been like, people say things all the time. And I'm like, I think that's abhorrent. But they should have the right to post it on. My aunt should have the right to use her Facebook page. Why not? Even though I think she should be in jail. The problem is also that people don't want people being influenced by people that are full of shit, right?

Like preachers or televangelists or some hucksters. They don't want, but I'm not getting influenced by them and you're not either. No.

So it doesn't work on people that are paying attention. So we're going to protect people that don't pay attention. And then the hucksters, are we doing that?

We're not protecting young people. Okay, if we're protecting young people, how young? When I was 21 21 you couldn't have caught me with that stupid shit But here's the other thing those hucksters and preachers will just get better so you can box them out They'll just evolve and their messages will get you know, they'll figure out a way the people that are gonna get duped They're gonna get duped. They're gonna get fucked. That's part of the problem

I was always gonna buy that house cuz I'm an idiot. Well, you know you were young too I was young and it was fun. But isn't that a part of what we need to see around us, too? Yes. You need to see failure. You can't, as you've said, nerf the world. You can't make it safe for everybody. People got to deal with things and learn how to deal with them.

But get armor, get immunity, end the quarantine. Send us back out today. Gavin Newsom. Send us out right now. I got antibodies. I don't care. We're going to find out in three minutes. Three minutes.

We're going to find out whether or not he's here. Does he come here or do we have to go somewhere? Yeah, no, he's here already. This is great. So he's just sitting out there with a needle. Yeah, they're ready. They're sharpening up their needles and getting out the alcohol pads. Wow.

Yeah. This is wild. Going to find out what's up. I'm excited. I hope I didn't have shit. I bet I don't either. I bet you never even got a cold. I bet This is wild. Going to find out what's up. I'm excited. I hope I didn't have shit. I bet I don't either. I bet you never even got a cold. I bet I don't.

They're going to test you for being a pussy. Look, it's green light. I was sick. All right. Shall we wrap it up? Yes. Thank you. Tim Dillon.

Always a pleasure, bro. Thank you so much. Always fun. Tell everybody your podcast. The Tim Dillon Show. It's a fact free zone come there Tim J Dillon

on D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter it's a lot of fun over there thank you folks thank you thanks everybody

bye bye fun that was great man I hope I get fucking this clean to a hell I know I'm not

you know what?