The Joe Rogan Experience - #1461 - Owen Smith

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

Owen Smith is a comedian, writer, actor and television producer. Check out his new show "Notebooks" available now on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/owensmithtv @Owen Smith Comedy

Owen Smith! Hey! How you feeling? I feel good, man. I'm excited. Cheers. Cheers, man. Salud. Come on, man. Salud. Yeah, we just tested Owen. Yes, negative. There's apparently been some controversy about this, so just let me let everybody know right away. There's no shortage of antibody tests. What we're using, there's no shortage of them. There's no shortage of antibody tests. What we're using, there's no shortage of them. People are saying, why are people on the front lines? A lot of people, it's just misunderstanding and confusion. These tests, there's no shortage of.

I understand some people in some places have a hard time getting access to the test. That's not the case here. So I've taken it upon myself to test everybody as they come into the studio. This is not taking away from anybody that's on the front lines. It's not taking tests away from any medical workers. The tests that they would use for them, particularly they're using swabs. I mean, look, man, those fucking people that are working in those hospitals and the medical workers, those people are legit heroes. Yes.

You know, and if I found out that there was something we were doing that was somehow another taking away from their ability to be tested i would never do it you know so people got upset apparently because uh well also people writing articles about things because there's you know it's like it's a hot topic right they're home too yeah but i get it i get it i'm not hating i'm not mad i get it. I get it. I'm not hating. I'm not mad. I get it. But when I posted that Donnell and I were Rona Free, people were like, someone posted some story. Well, here's what's hilarious. I'd go out of my way to not read comments. And these motherfuckers are writing stories where they're taking comments from Instagram and using them as quotes.

Just some random magoo that's posting something. One of them said that we were low-key flexing that we had tests. That's hilarious. That's just someone just looking to use the term low-key flexing, and they don't have any place for it. It's like, I think he's low-key flexing that he's got a corona test. So it's a test that tests you for antibodies. And you were laughing at my face the entire time.

You're a little nervous. You're a little nervous. But there also, there was something that I shared with you earlier today. There was a new study that, Jamie, see if you could pull up that study. It is out of, I think it's out of UCLA. Is that what it's out of? I think it's out of UCLA. Is that what it's out of?

It says early antibody tests indicate far more cases and a much lower mortality rate. So they think there's at least 400,000 people have been infected in California. So the mortality rate is is way way lower than they previously thought it was at least in california you know it obviously varies this is a crazy disease it's crazy it doesn't make any sense it varies depending upon what your physical condition whether or not you've been smoking whether or not there's apparently a great benefit to exercising regularly even while you have it if you catch it, exercising. But then there was this fucking crazy thing. What is that guy's name?

The Fox thing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put up, we'll do the first. I'm trying to find, it's LA Times, and it's got the subscription blocker on it. Oh, the Sons of Bitches. Here, I'll send you another one. Okay. I'll find a different one.

There's one on LA.com. Oh, I belong to LA Times. I can give you mine. Look at you. I support journalism. I Oh, I belong to LA Times. I can give you mine. Look at you. I support journalism. I do too, but not LA Times. I like that. It reads like movies.

I get it. I just, I don't have the time for that. Here it goes. Early antibody tests indicates far more COVID-19 cases, lower mortality rate. There's a decrease in the number of deaths. A study indicates that there could be hundreds of thousands of people could be infected without knowing it. That's what's so weird about it.

Let me ask you this question, though. Can you explain mortality rate? This is like layman's terms. The amount of people that get it, how many of them die? So if it's a high mortality rate, it's like, you're fucked. Right. Like Ebola. Right.

Vicious mortality rate. Yes. Really. But rabies, the worst. 100%. Yes. Rabies is like Ebola. Right. Vicious mortality rate. Yes. Rabies, the worst, 100%. Yes. Rabies is like 99.99%. The only time, if they catch it before the symptoms set in, you survive. You can survive.

But if they don't catch it before the symptoms set in. Like, if you just get rabies, you don't get over it on your own. That's right. You have to get the medication. Every black person I know always crosses the street when they see a random dog. every black person I know always crosses the street when they see a random dog it's like when you live in these communities and and people don't have their dog they should go it's okay he's safe like dude I've been bitten by dogs it's like I'm gonna take your word for this this nobody loves dogs more than me I love dogs but random dogs like you never know what someone

did to that dog you know you never know how people treat that dog yeah and i've had a bunch of sketchy dogs i've had dogs that i got from the pound that were super sketchy you just knew i came home once one of my dogs killed my other dog oh shit in my living room man my living room was a goddamn crime scene i'm like oh it's just a little outline of the dog yeah oh yeah i've had some i've had some bad experience that was a rescue dog as well yeah i've had some bad experiences with dogs when i was a kid uh we we adopted a dog that had distemper a doberman and he started he started like his eyes were like glazed over and he's snarling at us barking i'm like oh jesus christ i couldn't i couldn't yeah we i grew up in apartments, so we couldn't have dogs. And then so I had a cat named Taco. My dad gave him to me.

And I went to go visit him in the Bahamas. He gave me a cat. I think he knew it would piss my mom off. And so I had a cat growing up named Taco. Did he bring it back from you? Oh, yeah. I had a cake back with a cake from the Conliff Bakery that they have over there and a cat. A cake and a cat.

My mom was pissed. See if you can find this conversation, Jamie. It says they're joking, but it also has a question that says they're joking. No, but that's Mediate. It says they're joking, right? Yeah, every other website is not saying they're joking. It doesn't sound like they're joking. I think they're trying Mediate says they're joking, right? Yeah, every other website is not saying they're joking. It doesn't sound like they're joking. I think they're trying to come up with some sort of a cover for it.

But let's play what he said. It's John Roberts, who is a correspondent for Fox. And then who is the other guy? The other guy who works for the New York Times? Doug Mills. He's a photographer. Doug. Okay.

So now it says apparently joking. It doesn't sound like they're joking. Play what it says. Let me explain it here. John Roberts comes in, and it's going to play an ad before this, Jamie, so kill the volume. John Roberts comes in, and when he comes in, he's not wearing a mask, and he tells the other gentleman, you can take the mask off,

and he tells him about this L.A. study. Go ahead. Play it here. What's up, buddy? All right, man. What do you got, buddy? You can take out the mask, Doug. The case fatality rate's like 0.1 to 0.3 according to USC.

Is it really? That's reassuring. Everybody here has been vaccinated anyway. USC and L.A. County Public Health have come out with a study. They found that there are 7,000 cases in California, but they really believe that there are anywhere from 221,000 to 442,000 people who were infected. Really?

Yeah. So that makes it 011, 2013? There's a study to give out by the way? Yeah, just give it to them. So it suggests that the case fatality is 10. So here's what's weird about that. One, that guy says, well, we've all been vaccinated here anyway. Right. Now, maybe he was joking.

Maybe he's got a weird sense of humor. Long joke. It's a weird joke. Yeah, weird. Yeah. Now, they have done some trial vaccines. There are some vaccines that are in trial. There was a woman in Seattle. She was the first person

to get tested. And I sent this stuff to Matt Staggs earlier today, and he sent something to me. There have been several different... There's 70 coronavirus vaccines right now that are under

development, with three in human trials. So there have been some things coronavirus vaccines right now that are under development with three in human trials okay so there there have been some things going on right now and the first person treated with the coronavirus is in seattle there's an article about that what she's talking about getting tested but this this guy saying we've all been vaccinated like i don't know what that means it's hard to tell people people have weird senses of humor, right? Like, if you listen to comics and if you took some of the shit that we say and wrote it down, you'd be like, these are terrible people.

They're eating babies. They're raping old ladies. We say ridiculous shit all the time and we get used to it. Maybe they say ridiculous shit too. I think so. Look where they are. Look what they're dealing with right now. Right.

But the other guy coming in saying you don't have to wear a mask. So Roberts comes in with no mask on. Yeah. It says you don't need a mask. So you can take the mask off. Yeah. Well, that study's weird, man. Because, OK, maybe.

Maybe. I believe the mortality rate is correct. I believe that it's way less deadly than they thought it was. But they had to prepare for something that they thought was going to be real deadly because it's real deadly in Italy. But the question is, like there's so many questions. Why is it so deadly in Italy? Is it because they're older people? Is it because they smoke? Why is it so deadly in New York City? Like, is it because they're stacked on top of each other? I don't know.

Is it? Oh, definitely. Definitely. Definitely that. Has to have something to do with it. No distancing. They're also, okay, so I have an office and I get Uber Eats. And when things started popping, my Uber Eats driver was an older black man.

He's walking like mad close to me. I'm like, what's up? He goes, black people can't get this. It'll be all right. And I'm like, whoa, up? He goes, black people can't get this. It'll be alright. And I'm like, whoa, man, what are you talking about? So I get the thing. I'm not gonna lie, part of me was like, okay. But I'm like, why am I taking advice from this

Uber driver guy? Then a personal friend of mine, his dad, who I also know, black ski trip, he know, black ski trip. He started this black ski organization. And they went to Idaho and they came back and a lot of the, they were older gentlemen, but a lot of them got infected with the virus.

Two have since passed away from it. And their son, it's in the L.A. Times, it's the first article. It's in the LA Times, it's the first article. His son did a day-by-day social media post to try to turn the narrative that black folks, you can catch this. This is what's happened to my dad. He was like 61, I want to say. And so that's why I was very nervous in the face when we took the test. It like i want to um have the confidence that man had walking in the room but i'm also very i'm more of uh safe than sorry uh than the the i can't wait to be at that space you can take your mask off you know what i mean i need i you know because i have

two young children i'm just like i'm yeah i'm just i'm more on the caution side but i'm not um telling anyone what they should believe when i believe but just for me i'm just, I'm more on the caution side, but I'm not telling anyone what they should believe or not believe. But just for me, I'm just like, I'm hearing about what it does to you. Like, just hearing about what it does to your lungs and how it expands and makes it hard for air to get through when you need a ventilator and all that. What if your lungs collapse, which is what happened to one of these gentlemen. And it's just, it's a wrap. But it is like I don't know I don't know the specifics of how anything else plays out but I am

also hearing stories from the other side of people who are who are like fairly you know within my six degrees who are succumbing to it so I'm just like I you know that's great and but I I am great. But I'm not there yet. You know what I mean? Like emotionally. So I am more like. First of all, anybody can catch it. But second of all, I think that if your immune system has any holes in it, that shit gets in.

Right. And it can fuck you up. Look at Michael Yeo. Michael Yeo is a healthy guy. He's strong. He lifts weights all the time. Right. He's relatively young. I think he's 45. Right. You know, Michael Yeo is in good shape. He's strong. He lifts weights all the time. He's relatively young. I think he's 45.

Michael Yeo's in good shape. He's not overweight. Did he catch it? Yes. Are you serious? Real bad. I didn't know that. Hospitalized for a week. Said he thought he was going to die. He scared the fuck out of me. When I heard it was him, he was texting me. He said, I would call you right now, but I can't talk.

I was like, wow. Yeah, man, because of what it physically does. And so when I was going to the grocery store like that, that's when I was the most horrified because that's when you kind of get a temperature of how everyone is. And so when I went early on, people were like, are you six feet away? Like people were joking. And then something happened, and people started kind of taking it as serious as people could. And people started kind of taking it as serious as, you know, people could.

And, yeah, I mean, I'm just, I have a very cautious mind. I'm just a safe, I'm the most reckless on stage. But anything off stage, I'm like, what's going on? Is that the police? What the fuck's going on? That's hilarious. Because you are kind of reckless on stage. That's so funny.

That's funny. That's true about you. on stage. That's so funny. That's funny. That's true about you. Yeah. I never thought about it that way. Like, you're like a real safe guy off stage. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. And it's just, I've seen, it could almost be like a funny movie, right?

Every time one of my friends go, fuck it, man. I'm just going to live in the moment. Pow. What happened to Tommy? Tommy gone. Got to be careful out here i mean it's just like i have so many just stories or memories from my childhood of people with me fuck you gotta live for now gone you know what i mean so it's just like and i i you know so i'm i'm back and i'm back and forth on that uh moment so when I saw him walk in, that guy looked like he was in shape. He worked out.

And there are a lot of people in Trader Joe's lines like him. You know what I mean? Like when you're standing in line, it's like you don't need a mask. Like those people. And it's just like it's not for me, man. I don't know what. I don't want to bring anything home to my young kids. Of course.

If it was just me in the crib, I would be trying to get last days puss. Yeah. But I'm married, happily married. So my brain, I'm not, I am super cautious. Like, back away. Single people are fucked right now, right? If you live by yourself in an apartment, you're not allowed to leave. You can't go to work anymore.

So you're just sitting in an apartment going crazy. Just going crazy. You can't fuck anybody. Watching all the news outlets. Nope, nope. If you fuck someone, it better be just one person. You gotta be real careful. Yep, yep.

Y'all go together. It's a wrap. That's your person. It bothers me, the restrictions on personal liberties. I think it's, I think I'm very,

here's what I'm happy about. I'm happy that so many people have done the social distancing thing and quarantined and kept away. Almost everybody I know is just staying home. My kids are home doing homeschool. All my friends' kids are home doing homeschool. They're staying home from work. Everyone's staying home.

And we don't go anywhere. I come here. I go home. That's it. That's my life. Just stay put. Stay put. Just let the fucking dust settle., it's great in that way, but it's also scary for all these fucking people that have businesses

It's scary or for people that have compromised immune systems. Oh gosh. Yeah, this is the weirdest time of our lives Yeah, I think but we were talking earlier. I think that the planet needs this break Yeah, cuz as soon as we stayed in for like a week it started raining in LA has the best air quality and all of the world's her right just to stay in the house for a couple of weeks yeah I mean it's kind of crazy and And it is weird, man. I'm curious to see what happens on the other side of this. But like our industry as far, because you had a live, a tour that was supposed to pop off. Yeah.

Like that kind of stuff is just like, fuck. I had a sold out show in Vancouver last night in an arena. Couldn't do it. We moved it to October. Look, that's the last of the worries. My health is fine. I'm worried about health more than anything. Right. And I'm worried about the worries. My health is fine. I'm worried about health more than anything. And I'm worried about

the economy. I'm worried about people that, like my friend Adam Perry Lang, who owns APL Restaurants, my favorite steakhouse in LA. He's spending most of his time cooking for hospital workers and bringing food to them. So that's giving him a sense of purpose through all this.

And they're doing curbside pickup where people can order food online. It's an amazing steakhouse, but they might not, they might not make it. And I was texting with him last night and I'm going to get him on the podcast soon. And he was saying that for his friends in the restaurant industry, it's so grave. It's like everyone is barely hanging on and they might drop off left and right. I mean, we might lose half our restaurants. Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah.

Did you hear about what happened when they did the small business loan? Chris Steakhouse got it, and none of the waiters got it. None of them. Just go straight to the business. I think the idea is, look, if you give it to the waiters and the business goes under, the waiters won't have a job when the business comes back. So they keep the business open. The waiters will have a job when everything comes back.

We just need more. We need to figure out, you know, these people have to be able to work. And if they can't work, we've got to figure out a way to sustain them. I don't know. Nobody's ever figured this out before. Nobody's ever had to do this before. They burned through the small business loan shit and like that. Yeah, they were saying because it was supposed to be for companies, 500 employees or less, but

Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, time to step up. What y'all doing? How much money would Jeff Bezos have left if he gave everybody $1,000? Listen, he would be, if everybody?

Everybody in this country. In this country? $320 million, he gave everybody $1,000. Do the math, Jamie. What is country? $1,000? $320 million. He gave everybody $1,000. Do the math, Jamie. What is that? How much is that? Is that billions or trillions? Well, it's $1,000 million is a billion.

So it would be $300 billion. So he'd be broke. He'd be broke. He'd be broke instantly. Crazy. Imagine if he did that and just became a hippie. He'd give up. He'd be an asshole.

It's like people don't remember Bill Gates, the old Bill Gates. Right. People see Bill Gates now. I see Bill Gates now and I see a guy who's wearing an outfit. He wears an outfit. It's like he's got a suit. It's like Spider-Man. Like he puts on a Spider-Man.

This is my really nice rich guy thing. I've got a sweater. Bitch, it's 100 degrees outside. Why you got that sweater with a shirt underneath it? It's secretly ventilated. Does he ever have a t-shirt on? Does Bill Gates ever rock a t-shirt? I heard he had a house where

when you walk into a room, it recognizes how you like the temperature. Like you wear a band. You had a clip. It would change the temperature. It would make coffee that you like. And I was like, I was single when I heard about this. I was like, I wish I had that.

Because that's how the girl would know it was over. It's cold. Yeah. Change the settings. Yeah, you walk in, it changes the artwork. It flips over. Right, right. But, I mean, yeah.

He called this, though our we weren't ready for a pandemic like years ago 15 2015 yeah yeah well he set it up he's he's the mastermind behind it he's like one of the incredibles like the bad guy and incredible i i'm just confused by his outfit because it's like he's dressing up like mr rogers purpose. He wants you to think of him in a different way. But he's a savage, man. He was the most ruthless motherfucker when he was running Microsoft. That's why Microsoft got so huge. Right. They were take no prisoners businessmen.

Yes. Take no prisoners. Yeah. But he's pretending like he's, you know. I kind of love that shit, though. Like, when people, Cause you just have to know How to look for it Right

Like I don't trust anybody That doesn't cuss On stage You know those motherfuckers It's like Something's going on Right

Those are the ones That do freaky shit Oh yeah Ball gags and stuff Yes Oh look at that He's got a t-shirt there Come on man

That's a button up t-shirt With a collar Everything has a collar though But that's a long time ago That looks like about 15 years old That's a nice crew though Look at that's a long time ago. That looks like about 15 years old. That's a nice crew though. Look at that crew. Luda's like the

Forrest Gump of photos like this. He hosted Fear Factor. Luda took over Fear Factor after me. Where is that connection? They offered him a lot of money and he was like, I'll take it. Amazing. Amazing, man. I don't know. I'm a big fan. I like L Amazing. Amazing, man. Like. I don't know.

I'm a big fan. Yeah, I like Luda a lot, man. I had a bit about him in my act. Yeah. I was in a restaurant he owned. And he just, he was like walking through shaking hands. I was like, Luda. My friend, Jeremy Rawl, shout out to Jeremy, directed his first video.

Oh, wow. Jeremy and I went to college together. And he directed his first two. And it put Luda on the map. So I've always been a fan of Luda. college together. And he directed his first two, and it put Luda on the map. So I've always been a fan of Luda.

But what I like about his career is that he's not somebody you would think of, but when he's in there, you don't mind that he's there. You know what I mean? When I was watching the Fast and the Furious movies, I was like, Luda, all right. You know what I mean? I wasn't like, Luda. Dude, I'm the biggest fan in the world of muscle cars, of those 1960s muscle cars, and I never watched one of those fucking movies. Oh, you got to. Just watch it on mute.

Get out of here. Watch it on mute, man, because you'll get the best of both worlds. Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here, all that. They're jumping over bridges. Yeah, it's crazy. 1969 Chargers. Get the fuck out of here.

It's ridiculous, man. But yeah, man, I got to thank you, man. That's ridiculous, man. But yeah, man, I got to thank you, man. Since I was here last, you lit a flame under me. You challenged me to put notebooks out. Yes, it's out. It's out.

Yeah, we were talking about last time, folks, that comedians, a lot of us keep our old, old notebooks. That's right. It was like three years ago, right? Close to it? Yeah. So three years ago, Owen, you got a hold of me and you said, do you have any old notebooks? I'm doing this show. And I'm like, oh, shit, I saved a bunch of them. And I found some from like 1992.

Yes. And they were so terrible. So Owen and I sat in the comedy store and it's fucking ruthlessly embarrassing. Yes. It's so bad how these premises are so awful. And so you put it on YouTube now, which is the way to go. I'm so glad you did that. And so this is available.

Is it Owen Smith TV? Is that your YouTube page? Owen Smith TV. Owen Smith Comedy. Is it Owen Smith TV or Owen Smith Comedy? It's Owen Smith TV, but we created this page. But if you go to Owen Smith Comedy? Yes, Owen Smith TV, but they we created this page, but if you go to Owen Smith Comedy, that won't come up. You have to do

YouTube. I need your help in fixing that. That's confusing. If you go to YouTube.com backslash Owen Smith TV, you'll get this. Or if you just search Owen Notebooks. Just go to Owen TV. YouTube.com Owen Smith TV. Owen Smith TV. There you go. Okay. Yeah, subscribe. Subscribe, Owen Smith TV. YouTube.com, Owen Smith TV.

Yeah, and subscribe. Owen Smith TV, there you go. Okay. Yeah, subscribe. Subscribe, hit the notifications, yes, and then it'll help me be able to do more of these. Yes. How many have you done so far? I shot six. We put out four, and I'm going to release two more coming up.

So if you subscribe, you'll know when they're coming out sooner. I might do something for you guys. So you got Neil Brennan, Alonzo Bowden, Eric Griffin. Yep, and you. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, man. All my friends. Yeah, man.

It was great because everybody has a different approach to the craft. And I didn't know that Eric and Alonzo took comedy classes. Did they really? Yes. And I was like, oh, what? Because, you know, man man I'm a snob man I'm in comedy class I know me too

what and this guy named Lenny Ostrovich taught Alonzo and Lenny and I heard the name I was like I know that name

now I don't know I don't know if you if someone like kinda does me kinda foul or whatever I forget about it like it helps me to just live

I don't carry it good for you i wish i so i was like i know that name and then as i'm editing it i look i know that mother but uh he's a good dude but when i met him he was running a comedy club called the fallout it was called the funny firm and then it became the fallout and then it literally fell out like later but i moved to chicago in 95 and what i loved about the room is you could perform downstairs and then you would run upstairs and perform and then you come back downstairs and do another one and so on a saturday night you could do six shows because they would do three shows this is right wow yep right when they started papering

the room and all of that so i went to audition, I go, just let me do a guest set. He hired me. He goes, do the rest of the night. I was like, bet. At the end of the night, he pays everybody but me. And he goes, I got spots for you. And I was like, I'm supposed to get some money. And like two other comics, Dwayne Kennedy and Ty Phipps, they go, that's bullshit. And they gave me some of their money.

And I never forgot them for that. I went home that night. I turn on the TV. Dwayne Kennedy, the guy that handed me the money, he's in an episode of Amen playing Halle Berry's boyfriend. I was like, who the fuck is this guy that gave me the money? But that's like my friend to this day. Did you get to kiss Halle Berry?

I don't remember. I don't remember. Yeah, man. He was early on. Kiss it together. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. You got to kiss Halle Berry.

How many times you brush your teeth if you got to kiss Halle Berry? Like 80? 80,000. You've got mints and breast strips. You're going in. You've got Listerine. Hilarious. You're checking your pits.

Young Halle. You're having friends check your pits. Come smell me, man. Am I good? Am I good? Halle, you want to rehearse, too? I know. You're going to her room.

She's so pretty. I met her recently at the UFC. And she's got to be like 53 or something like that. She looks like she's 35 years old. She looks perfect. She looks like a perfectly in shape, 35 year old woman. I mean, how old is Halle Berry? She's got to be over 50. Dude, she looks amazing. She was in John Wick 3. Yeah, she was amazing in that. Amazing. With the dogs. She was in John Wick 3. Yeah, she was amazing in that.

With the dogs. Yeah. Yeah, he was. She's 53. Dude, just the way she moves, man. Yep. The way she moves, like everything. She's so fit. So fit.

It's incredible. Yeah. And she does a lot of workouts online. She's doing a lot of workouts online while just all this shit's going down. Yeah, yeah. With some guy with fabulous, like, long hair. Some partner. Some guru character.

Some guru. So then we're going to do curls. like really it's her partner that's the weirdest thing when a guy and a girl together and they say this is my partner it's my partner are you guys in business right oh are you just fucking like what what is what is a partner this is my partner sits like a man said that to me once yeah I was talking about this yeah I was doing this thing with my partner I'm like um first of all I think are you gay right if you're if you first of all even if you're gay in 2020 why aren't you saying my boyfriend or my

husband right you know partner I know it's a woman you're talking about a woman but you're not in business together your partner yeah I want a vacation with my partner like mmm yeah mmm. Yeah. What is that? Partner. Yeah. You guys have a firm? As a married man. This is the We Fuck firm?

Hilarious. Yeah. As a married man, I'm like, man, have some courage, man. Get in there. Get in the game. Stop. Don't get in the game with everybody. No, no.

Some people you got to live with for a little. Yeah, figure it out. When people say, I don't want to live with somebody. I just want to get married. I'm like, that's a mistake. That is where it out. When people say, I don't want to live with somebody, I just want to get married, I'm like, that's a mistake. That is where it happens. Yes. That happily ever after shit is for the movies.

Where it's real is when you live together. And it's little shit. It's little shit, man. How you squeeze the toothpaste. Right. That shit over time. Whether or not you clean up. Whether or not you clean up.

Whether they ask you to do more things than you ask them to do. Yes. Somebody keeping score or whatever. Who cooks? Who does dishes? Can you load a dishwasher? Do they complain about stupid shit? Man, I feel like we could talk about this all day.

All day. And then how do you deal with it? Because you ain't going nowhere. Right. You know what the big one is? What? One bathroom. Oh, if you only have enough money for one bathroom, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

Or you got to really know each other. Like, you spent so many nights together, like so many weekends together. You stay at her place or she stays at your place. But that one bathroom? Yeah. There's a reality when you walk in the bathroom right after a girl takes a fucking rank shit. And you're like, whoo, this is real. Who is this woman?

This is real. Yeah. And if it's cold out, then you got to open up the window and you're like, oh, good Lord. So you're sitting there smelling her shit, freezing. Yes. Trying to take your own shit on top of her shit. Yeah, no. Don't do it.

Y'all not going to make it. You need two bathrooms. yeah it depends for me i was like it depends on the chemistry of the person yeah there's some people that a little thing will set you off and you're like i can't but then there's another other people that there's you like them so much that little thing ain't shit no the same thing like there's some dates i'm sure you went on when you were single where a girl just did one little stupid thing. You're like, this is over. Yes.

Yes. Yes. But like if you really were into her, that same thing, like, ah, whatever. She's having a rough day. Nah, I was fucked up. I'd be like, she fine as hell, but I got came, man. I'd be nice to her though. Thank you.

And then be out. Yeah, man. There's certain things you just you know for me it was something yeah people that insult you people that like insult you and then they try to like put you down and try to fuck with you a little bit man yeah well just like they're they're doing it to try to like diminish you in some sort of a weird way like and they're not even funny right like oh is, oh, is that who you're into? Oh, yeah, no. But sometimes people grew up like that.

Yeah. Like their mom and their dad did that to each other, and so they don't know how to behave in a relationship. And that's their definition of love. Yeah. What's love like to you? Yeah. And if it doesn't match what it looks like to you, y'all ain't going to make it.

Exactly. Yeah, man, I was all over the place with that. Like I've had, I remember I dated this one one girl she smoked a lot of weed right didn't mind that but she also smoked cigarettes so i was like damn pick one like and i wish it was just a weed so then she was like i'm gonna quit when i'm 30 i'm like well you're 27 now i gotta wait out so i couldn't like and then that's a weird a weird number. But I was still okay. Because she was fun. This is like the closest she was mad fun. And then she had like student loan financial shit on top of it.

I was like, I'm out. I can't. But real talk, she got it together when she got on the other side of 30. Did she? Yeah, we're friendly now. But I still, it was a gamble. Like I got to. Yeah.

No. Financial shit. Oof, that could be yours. That becomes yours. Her debt is your debt. Like I gotta, no. Financial shit. Oof, that could be yours. That becomes yours. Her debt is your debt. They don't tell you that. Her debt becomes your debt. She was like, she was a serial degree person.

Like she had like degrees. So her shit was high. It wasn't like, it wasn't like the bachelor. Hundreds of thousands. Yeah, yeah. I was like. Dude, that is the biggest goddamn scam going. Because no matter what happens in your life, you have to pay like hundreds of thousands. Yeah, yeah. I was like. Dude, that is the biggest goddamn scam going. Because no matter what happens in your life, you have to pay back those student loans.

Yeah. If you owe money to any, you can go bankrupt. You know? You can go bankrupt. And you don't have to pay back. Your business folds, you can go bankrupt. But Sally Mae's like, hey. They don't give a fuck.

You owe student loans, you're paying those. Except the 13, you gotta pay that shit. Do you know there's people today that have Social Security docked for their student loans? Imagine you're at the end of the game and your Social Security, they're taking your Social Security to pay off some bullshit debt for a loan that didn't do you any good. Because here you are collecting Social Security, broke as fuck. Right. And they take some of it.

Depending on it. They probably take a good size chunk too. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And you're never going to pay, right. And they take some of it. Depending on it. They probably take a good-sized chunk, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're never going to pay it off. You're just going to die. And that's going to help you die quicker. Because you're going to be thinking about it all day,

just at the park trying to feed the pigeons. This damn extra degree. Fuck! No. Yeah, man, I paid my shit off. I was so happy. And I don't really use it. I kind of use it. What was your degree off I was so happy and I don't really use it I kind of use

it what was your degree I was finance or you say finance if you had money just finance doing and uh and I studied Japanese for like a year real yeah man I was gonna go over there and I'm a director named Christine Swanson she just directed the Clark sisters movie that came out on Lifetime. Did over like 11 million views. Her and her husband, Mike Swanson, they were dating at Notre Dame at the time. They were like, you should take that. They would

sit down and look at me and check in with me and just go, you should do this. And I would do it. So they were like, you should take Japanese. And I started taking Japanese and I liked it. I really enjoyed it and I learned I was getting like these culture classes because I was going to go over there for like a year. And, um, and I was, and I, and I, I'm an asshole. So I would like mimic the teacher, but I was literally, but she enjoyed it cause I was actually saying it natively.

So I wasn't being like a, a dick cause I enjoy, like, I just noticed how she was saying it. No one else was saying it. So I go, I'm gonna just say say it like her. So she would be like, konbanwa. I would be like, konbanwa. I would lean into it. And she would be like, oh, so that's me. And he's like, kono korodo desu ka? Iso kashi desu ne? You would just learn.

What did you just say? I was like, what's going on these days? You been busy? How well are you good at this? I got into it because it's also like it's – I was just fascinated by why Japanese literacy rate was like so much higher than ours is

because their alphabet they have three alphabets and so there's hiragana, katakana, and kanji and kanji is what everybody gets tattoos of so I was just fascinated with like the art of it and shit and so what's the difference between the three alphabets?

So katakana is more syllabic. It's like how you speak. So I could write your name in katakana, I think. Katakana? Katakana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm rusty. So I could have messed up just now, you guys.

And I'm also drinking a little scotch. But what am I drinking? Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. I'm drinking whiskey. just now you guys and i'm also drinking a little scotch but uh what am i drinking whiskey whiskey but um but uh but and so one is one is per syllable so you can take like american words and write that in in japanese and in the a japanese person go oh that's how they pronounce

names right so uh so if your name is um i don't know um d'artagnan you could do that in japanese is I don't know d'Artagnan you could do that in Japanese and then um and if but but kanji one kanji could mean several different things so you have to know in the context in which you're using it and i'm left-handed so i naturally would look at stuff from right to left and that's how they um read oh this way so their books go the opposite way and so i was kind of like and my son can't say like the letter l right now everything is w so i'm like he's like naturally like he should be learning chinese or japanese now He's like naturally, like he should be learning Chinese or Japanese now. I think just because the way his tongue and stuff is forming, he'll be like, yeah, well, you know.

And I'm like, we will make fun. All kids do that. All kids. But I'm like, maybe. So but when I was learning it, I just got really into it because it took like a lot of like detail to like figure it out. And it started sticking with me. And then I started doing comedy in college and i started um on the weekends i would drive to like des moines iowa and do a funny bone and and come back you know and they were like you still wanna go to japan i was like nah i know what i would do like i i found what i was going to do so i just didn't i never went so i

i kind of that's a trip i've always wanted to take and see how much of it like comes back to me because I was pretty good at it and I loved and then I started learning Chinese and Chinese is monosyllabic. So like ni hao ma is hello. But if you say

ni hao ma like that, like I called you a horse. What? Yeah, it's like ni hao ma. Like but what yeah it's like it's like ni hao ma like how you say it's like very specific um in how you say things so one is hello the other one is same thing ni hao ma is hello but ni hao ma said that way is what i go ni hao ma and like drag it down my kids used to watch ni haoailan. Ni Hao Kailan? Yeah, yeah. I think that's, hey, hello, Kailan. Why Ni Hao Ma instead of just Ni Hao?

You can say Ni Hao. And that's the thing. You can say Ni Hao. What is the difference between Ni Hao and Ni Hao Ma? That's just what I learned in the class. It's more formal? Yeah. Like, good evening. Yes, you learn everything.

That's the only thing I don't like about learning languages in school. You learn, you never learn how you speak, you know. Right. You always learn how you would write a letter and how you would be, like, you know, grammatically correct. Right. But, so now, like, people are doing these things where you just learn what you need to know. Because I feel like humans, we only, we all say, like, the same 20 pieces of, like, bullshit. You know what I mean?

Like, if you could learn that, you could probably learn eight languages. If you could just figure out, you know, what y'all getting into. Right. Is it fun? Where the bitches at? Can I drink? You know, but they always, where are the bathrooms? May I see a menu?

What are your pronouns? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm they, them. You're they, them? Do they have they, them in Japanese? How do I remember? It was my goodness. Now I'm going to get reamed because

I'm rusty on it, but it was like how would I say this? They did have it, but it was the way, honestly, the sentence structure and the way my three-year-old speaks is the way you would structure a sentence in Japanese. He would say, he won't say the subject and the verb all the time. Sometimes he would put the verb last because he'll be so excited. So he'll put adjective, like so bottle uh great good

you know you see it and that's kind of like how you would say i'm like this dude it's like in my head i'm like that's how you would speak so if i was to say something in japanese i would say um so they would ask what's my name and I would go hold on what is my name in Japanese it's not Owen no it's Odin no but I'm talking Smith it's like you can't say Owen Smith

you can but it's like so that's what makes it a question. And it's at the end. So you put that at the end. Desne is a period. So you would say, so it's like you're saying, so it is, right? Right.

So what would you say? So if I go, so desne, that means it is good. So deska, I'm asking, is it good? Oh, wow. It is good. So the sky, I'm asking, is it good? Oh, wow. Desu, desu.

And it depends on what part of Japan you are, how you lean into the desu. But your name wouldn't be Smith? It's Sumisu, Sumisu. Sumisu instead of Smith. Yes. And so you would write Sumisu in Katakana. What if we did that to them? You know? So they would change Smith because it's Smith, but it's Sumisu, how they pronounce it.

It's Sumisu, Sumisu, Smith. And Su is spelled T-S-U. So it's not, I think, I don't know, I'm rusty. This was over 20 years ago. So you would have to change the way your name sounds. That's so strange. Yeah, Sumisu Desnay would be my name. They sounds. That's so strange. Yeah, Sumisu Desu. That would be my name.

They would ask me. Sumisu. Yeah, Sumisu. Make them say Smith. Don't give in. Here you go. This is how they take over. This is how they take over?

Yeah. I was intrigued, man. The noise that you make, that means you. It was amazing. Two things that opened my mind. Learning Japanese, or studying it for like a year, a year and a half, and economics.

Learning economics. How did that help you? Because it's like a science, and it's like a cause and effect. And so it's the same way I approach my bits. You know what I mean? It's like economy. If this happens, then it affects all this shit and it's all tied to

the one thing you can't judge which is human behavior right so you don't know what people are gonna do and people try to try to control it

all the time because it has direct effects on the stock market and how you can make money and shit so like so like something like

the corona when the coronavirus dropped I was like I go this is gonna fuck up all these things. And then seeing how people react to all these things being taken away fascinates me. You know what I mean? It's like, but that is what economics is. Because when you're thinking about stuff, you always go, well, what if a pandemic happened?

Well, our system, where are the holes in our current system but when people are just um um being intellectuals about it and just like talking about it is sounds boring you're like but when the shit is happening in real time this is what the economists talk about all the time it's like it's if this then then what but it's just a deeper thing and so it's the same kind of way when you take a bit where you just go what if i'm talking about um there's anything you just you just go like i was i'm at home so i was watching something where oh my son loves this cartoon called uh what's the name of this cartoon he watches?

Blaze. It sounds like they, but it's Blaze and the Monster Machine. And they had like this one, the episode is a giant meatball rolling down the town, destroying the town. And they had this one, obviously clearly like black rollerblading, like monster truck with an afro going, get down, get groovy, get down, get meatball, meatball. And then the meatball rolls over him. My son loves that, right? So what I do with him is now I pretend that that guy was on the phone with somebody else.

And I'm like, hey, Steve, what you doing? I'm just rollerblading. Get down. And then so now my son does it. I was like, get meatball, Steve. No, Steve, get out of there. So then we pretend that we have to break the news to Steve's family that he got ran over by a giant meatball. So then we pretend that my son is three. That's hilarious. Then we pretend that we work with Steve and he's about to go rollerblading for lunch. You know what I mean? So it's just, it's the economy of, Steve, where you going?

I'm going rollerblading. You know, that's kind of played. Nobody does it. Ah, you know, it's nice outside. And then he gets pummeled by the meatball. So it's like everybody who knew Steve, how did he feel about Steve? So that's kind of like what? The ripple effects.

It's the ripple effects. And that's kind of like how I would think of bits in my head sometimes. Are you paying attention to how economists are looking at the future? Sometimes. Like right now? I mean, I haven't read any prognostications other than it's bad. It could be like the Great Depression. Yeah, all of that is true.

I mean, where I get lost is when they just start talking about like injecting money and fixing things, you know, with money. I'm not, I'm not, I'm lost in that. I'm more, I'm more into like the personal, like what happens to us? Like, like, how do we, I'm fascinated with that shit. Like the human nature of what's, you know, going to happen. Like, how are things going to change on the other side of this? Right? Like, Are you going to shake hands? Are you going to be, you know? Right. How many people are going to keep wearing masks? Keep wearing masks. And then, like, I had a classic, like, racial thing happen to me yesterday. I was with my son, three years old, and this guy was working out with his shirt off in the park. He's this big guy. He looked kind of, like, ridiculous.

And my mom. He said weights? Yeah, yeah, yeah had two dumbbells, no shirt on. He's just in the park, just doing these dumb workouts. And me and my son see him, but my son, he knows about the social. My son is three, man. He's on his little scooter. I'm on my bike to keep up with him because he's fast

as hell. And then when we're coming back, I'm walking my bike and my son has his um scooter and we see there's like either bmw or audi we see the lights go on and i don't think anything other than i look and it's the guy and he's like doing it like right in front of us like you know what i mean so it's classic like does he think i'm a break into his car with my son or like you had all day to lock your car, man. Like you could have just done it when you didn't see us. And so like a part of me was like, why are you? He was like doing it so he could so I could see he was doing, you know, I'm trying to say like I'm walking.

And he's like, like literally like locking his door. And to me, it felt like because I had on a mask. I had on a mask. And I was reading stories about how most black folks are afraid to wear masks because we look like, yo. So a part of me was like, I scared this motherfucker. That's cool. But a part of me was like, where is my son? I was like, do I engage with him?

Or do I let it go? Like, what do you do? And I let it go because I was with my son, and it just felt ridiculous. I was like, but I feel like we're reverting back to, like, those paranoid things, too. Like, oh, man, black dude in a mask, you know, like my thing. And it was like a, I was like, what point would I prove? And I'm not going to change him. You know, what do I do?

So I just, my son didn't even see it. I would not have seen it if he wasn't so just like clumsy and odd with it. Like it just felt like, because we had passed him several times. He could have locked his car when we were gone, you know, just done it and just kept it moving. But it was like an obvious. So he was like letting you know? Yeah, yeah.

That's what it felt like to me. I think people are losing their minds. I think so. I think that's a lot of what's know? Yeah, yeah. That's what it felt like to me. I think people are losing their minds. I think so. I think that's a lot of what's happening. Yeah, yeah. Their behavior patterns are all off because they're so under duress and stress. You know, there's a lot of people that are acting real strange. Sometimes, you know, I'll call people up, just say hi.

Yeah. You know, like, how you doing? You hanging in there? A lot of people just seem real weirded out. You know what it gets me, man? Is at night. Yeah. You know, like, how you doing? You hanging in there? And a lot of people just seem real weirded out. You know what it gets me, man? Is at night. Yeah. Gets me at night.

Yeah. Because during the day, I'm like, everything's fucked up. But, you know, we're maintaining. I have faith in human nature. I have faith in society that we'll pull together. But at nighttime, I don't have any fucking faith. Must be not performing either, man. There's that.

I don't have any out there. There's definitely that. But it's also at night time I don't have any fucking faith must be not performing either man there's that but it's also at night there's something about the darkness where I'm like I just you know I do a lot of my really fucked up thinking when everyone else in my house is asleep I can relate that's when I spark up

that's when I write my best shit too is when everyone's asleep so when everyone's asleep I'm sitting around thinking's when I write my best shit, too, is when everyone's asleep. So when everyone's asleep, I'm sitting around thinking, like, man, what if this keeps going sideways? What if we get a solar flare? What if the grid goes down? What if the earthquake hits? What if the fucking volcano under Yellowstone blows?

What if this? What if an asteroid hits? What if a worse disease catches on? What if there's a war between us and China over this bullshit? There was a crazy letter that Germanyany wrote to china yesterday crazy the head of germany wrote some letter um directly to the head guy in china talking about the only reason why you're in power is because of surveillance and what have you done to the world like what you what you guys have done because you because of your disgusting pride and you've you've hidden the facts from people you've tried to distort the reality and because of that hundreds of thousands of people are going to die whoa it was deep I was reading this letter like you never read

a letter like that where a one world leader is shit not another world leader it was the editor of a newspaper it says was it no wasn't there a head guy in the oh the head guy in Germany is a woman, right? Yeah, Angela Merkel, right? Who is it? Editor of a prominent German newspaper. Oh, okay. Oh.

Well, whoever that person is. Julian Reichelt. Say it again? Reichelt. Reichelt. Reichelt. I was going to say. Yeah, okay.

There's a T on the end there. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. The articles. It's right. There's a T on the end there. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. But whatever, the articles, it's right. It's correct. You know? Because they, China never, they don't admit any fault ever.

Whenever anything goes wrong, they cover everything up. And there's so many people that criticize the government in China, they just wind up getting ghosted. They just disappear. They vanish. Oh my gosh, yeah. They never hear from them again. No.

No one knows what to do. I mean, that's how they run things over there what scares me is that if we give into that kind of uh like they have apps on their phone right now that give them a social score you know so like if you jaywalk you lose points oh yeah i've heard about that oh yeah and a guy yeah some guy said his social score is really bad and people it's almost like minority report. It's almost like Minority Report. It's almost like Black Mirror. Yeah. It's scary.

And if we give in to that kind of surveillance over here, there's a real dark end to all that stuff. There's a real dark end. The bright side is you're like, oh, well, maybe everybody will keep their shit together and be nice. Or maybe the government will be watching every goddamn thing you do all day long and hold that over you. And then they'll use that in order to gain more political power. That's just as possible and more likely. Or if your social score is manipulated or wrong. The downside is a lack of freedom.

And that's the whole reason why the United States is so innovative. The whole reason is this. We have this spirit over here, this spirit of freedom, you know, that we can do more. We can get more shit done. We can come up with ideas. We celebrate this sort of creative spirit that we think of when we think of the United States. We think of freedom. We think of creativity.

There's so much innovation done over here. The moment you start clamping down on people and taking away freedom, you're also going to take away that creativity. There's so much innovation done over here. The moment you start clamping down on people and taking away freedom, you're also going to take away that creativity. You're also going to take away that innovative thought mentality. You're going to make people scared and you're going to do it just so that you can control them. And it's the worst. One of the things about the United States that makes it so great is that we have the ability to criticize our government. We have the ability to talk shit. And that keeps people in check. Even Trump, like, even Trump, like, as much as he hates it, he has toned down a lot of his rhetoric because of the criticism that he's faced. You know?

And that's, it's important. It's very important. Yeah, I mean, he has to, that's one thing this virus is making everybody have to do their job. Like, you realize, like, a lot of his people's one thing, this virus is making everybody have to do their job. Like, you realize, like, a lot of his people were, like, acting in positions. Like, they weren't really, I don't know if you were truly vested if you're acting in it. But, like, it's making everyone have to actually do their job. I wonder if he would do it again, all over again, if he knew how hard it would be.

And how much he would get shit on. I don't, you know, I don't know. I think it was so funny. What he presented to me was like the hot new nightclub, you know what I mean? And, like, everybody was in there. You know what it's like, like a nightclub, and you could pretend to be who you want to be, and you could just, you know what I mean, and water down expensive drinks, and it's just all happening. Then the the coronavirus comes and that's like when the lights come on in the club and you get to see you know how fucked up shit really is and and so because when the whole

country just kind of like said all right we're gonna go with joe biden regardless of how lucid you feel he is or how sharp you think he is. When the whole country was like, we're just going to go with Joe. It just made me think like Trump is like a fancy, a nice resort, like hotel. Like who doesn't want to stay in a nice hotel, right? He's like, I'm rich, I'm this. And everyone's like, I want to do that. But after a while, you get tired of spending $21 for internet and $40 for pancakes. And you just want to go home.

And Joe was kind of, it felt like he represents home. You know what I mean? Really? I feel like people. Joe Biden to me feels like a schoolhouse in a third world country that's going to collapse and kill all the kids. A schoolhouse in a third world country? Like a schoolhouse that is made by people who skirted all the rules of construction.

He's an old dude with dementia. But I think he's going to be propped up by so many different people who are going to vote. Like President Obama's going to come out and endorse him. If President Obama wants to come out and take over, okay. But if he doesn't, you got Joe Biden, who's the leader of the country, who can't form sentences. Listen, man, there's 320 million people in this country. You're telling me that's the best the Democratic Party can do? That's crazy.

Well, that's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I feel like to everyone he represented home. That's what I'm saying because he's familiar. He was standing next to the guy that we all felt more comfortable with, especially in situations like this. Did you see Obama's endorsement video? I didn't. It was straight up gaslighting.

It's just gaslighting. What did he say? He's pretending. Did he put it up? You can find it. I don't know if we can play it. Is it long or is it? It's long enough.

He doesn't believe a goddamn word he's saying. He has to say it. Look, he knows Biden is doomed. He knows he's doomed. So you think he's going to lose? It's not a matter of whether or not I think he's going to lose. So you think he's going to lose? It's not a matter of whether or not I think he's going to lose. I do think he's going to lose. But even if I thought he was going to win, he shouldn't do

the job. There's no way he can take the pressure of that position with the cognitive decline that he's already showing. There's no buts. You just want the Democratic Party to be back in control. I get it. It makes sense. No, I wish... Listen, man. I wish... no buts you just want the democratic party to be back in control i get it no no i wish listen man

i wish like i say man like when you're and when you're in a nightclub you don't care how stuff's going down right right but when you come out i don't understand this nightclub you don't understand an analogy damn i'm trying to give you an example to me just the way that trump is handling any kind of criticism anything is it's unsettling it's like dude just calm down man like you got the gig you're right you're in charge it's kind of like i was talking to keith robinson he had this amazing point i don't know it just made me laugh he said um there should be some type of test you have to pass to become president because for any other thing you have to take a test so you have to pass to become president because for any other thing, you have to take a test. So you have to have degrees or whatever.

But to be in charge of everybody else, you don't have to. All you have to do is win a popularity contest. And you're in charge. And you control the nukes. Everything. And it's like a backwards thing. And so that guy who's in charge of everybody else is just like, man, I just wish he didn't cost so much just wasn't the way he he was you

know what i mean i wish he could just take the thing is that's who he's always been that's my point and he hasn't changed at all once he got into office and people did expect him to yeah he's always been the guy that if anybody says anything about him he talks mad shit about that person he's never lied to you donald or whoever it is that he's been in feuds with right he's never lied to you in the way and so it's like you respect all of that but it's just like in times like this when it requires some empathy when it requires you to look in the camera and say i feel for the people that are dying not give me credit it's like don't do the give me credit stuff now give me credit. It's like, don't do the give me credit stuff now. Give me credit stuff is ridiculous. It's like, come on, fam.

And so I feel like, so what I'm saying is, I feel like having Joe come up there and play those notes, it feels like people, how everyone just all of a sudden overnight goes, Joe Biden's our guy. It felt like everyone was like, I just want to. I think it's like when Mariah Carey was on pills and she couldn't sing the national anthem

because she forgot the words. Dude, there's no fucking way, man. That guy can't be president. He can't talk. He can't hold a sentence. You give him a couple minutes on CNN and he can't keep it together. What is he going to be like after a year in office dealing with international politics, the economy, the environment, all these different things? But what I'm saying is he's going to have people.

So did Obama, but look how old he got. How quickly. And Obama's brilliant. Obama's a brilliant, articulate guy. He started getting gray hair. His skin started sagging. Yes, because he was actually reading the memos that came through. He was actually going, this shit is crazy. Right, that's my point. My man

Trump hasn't aged, man. Right, but if Biden starts reading those things, he'll be dead in a week. And then who's going to be the vice president? Elizabeth Warren? Who are they going to put in there? No, they're probably, I don't know who they're going to pick. It's like. They said he wants to pick a woman of color.

He said a woman of color for the Supreme Court. Oh, is that what he said? Yeah. I thought he said for vice president. He should. He should. Should he? Yeah.

Or should he pick the best person? He should pick the best person who will probably be a woman of color. Why would it be a woman of color, though? The most. Would it be because they're underrepresented and it would be a good thing for the country? Or would it be a good thing for the country because it's the best person for the job? Both. The best person for the job I feel could be a

woman of color and the best for this country could also be a woman of color it could be because a lot of policies kind of stop before consulting the people of color and a woman of color can see hey hey, well, we're leaving out this group. Let's figure this out. But what if it's a male of color who's better qualified for the job? But that's my point. What are the qualifications for this job

is what I just said. There's no test you have to take. It's just a popularity contest. Well, if that's the case, then the only reason why a woman of color would be would be what? Why would you want a woman of color? I think everyone would just feel better if it was a woman of color in charge.

I feel like, what did Chelsea Handler say when she did her whole thing? Remember, she just did a whole thing about something on Netflix, and she went on Ellen and said, we need to start listening to women of color. It was like, yeah, and she went on Ellen and said, we need to start listening to women of color. Like it was like, yeah, you probably should. I think I'm not the right person to be talking about this, but I feel like, you know, they say Stacey Abrams is in the running and, uh, I don't think she'd be a bad choice. Um, but, uh, I've,

I've watched how she just puts things in context, and she is very smart and very sharp, and she is not thrown. She would be extremely qualified. Well, I'll tell you who could actually be president. Who? Michelle Obama. She's not going to do it. She's not going to do it.

No. But if she wanted to do it, she could be president. Why do you think she could do it? First of all, she's brilliant. She's articulate. She's well-known. She's a powerful person. She speaks really well.

She obviously was for two terms, she was the first lady. So she's accustomed to the public eye. She's accustomed to speaking publicly. Dude, if she stepped up and decided she would run for president, I think she'd win by a landslide. Because it's a popularity contest. Maybe not beat Trump, I should say, but win the Democratic nominee by a landslide. I really think. You think she would lose as well, though?

I don't know. I don't know how it works. It's complicated, right? And especially when you're dealing with electoral college. Like, look, Trump lost the popular vote, but he won the electoral college vote. Right. And that's why they say Joe Biden was the best bet because Joe Biden. So Pennsylvania was a is a swing state. And Joe Biden is the only person out of the Democratic nominees who did not say he was against fracking. He was like, you can't you can't be again. You can't you

can't do it all at once. And then they had the clip of the fracking protest, and he was like, go vote for somebody else, man. Joe was like, go vote for somebody else. And so they were saying that Trump does not feel like he can beat Joe in Pennsylvania because that's where Joe's from. And he also supports, he has an in with the coal miners and the fracking industry, just like Trump. So when it comes to those electoral college votes, Trump doesn't know, knows he can't beat him. That's why, hence, the whole Ukrainian, get some dirt on him, just announce something's happening

type thing. That was kind of like the narrative of that. And so when it comes to electoral votes, that whole Midwest gang, that whole Michigan, Michigan, Biden is right there. And that's what I'm saying. I don't know if he is, man. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen once people start hearing

him talk on the campaign trail. But I don't know. I don't know how brilliant or articulate Trump is. I think everyone, I think as far as... It's not a matter of brilliance. It's a matter of being able to control crowds and have these exciting rallies. He does arenas, dude.

He does sold-out arenas, and he kills. I know. Hours. Listen, I'm not—this is not—I'm just looking at it objectively. I know you want a Democrat to win, right? And you want a woman of color to be the vice president. You want Biden to win. I would love that.

I would love for— I'm not saying— I would love for things to feel like they're, I don't want to say back to normal, but I would just love to feel like when the president is speaking. They're not the way they are right now. That is not like, that was a horrible question. That's a nasty question. It's a nasty question. You should just like, come on, man.

Yeah, it's bad in those ways. You should just like, come on, man. Yeah, it's it's bad in those ways. But what I'm talking about is his ability to excite his base and the ability to get people behind him. He's an unprecedented ability. And depending upon how he handles this coronavirus crisis, it could swing left or right. It really depends entirely upon who Biden picks, because you remember when George W. was president, it really was like President Dick Cheney. Right. Dick Cheney was in that fucking vampire underground bunker getting fresh blood pumped into him every day and calling all the shots. Do you remember there was one point in time where Cheney was consistently in the bunker? He was in the bunker for like weeks at a time.

They even told us he was in a bunker, but just in case anything happens. Why isn't Bush in a fucking bunker? He's the president. Dick Cheney was out there calling the shots. It was one of the most transparent times when you see the connection between industry and government, where you have a guy who was the former CEO of Halliburton, a company that rebuilds countries after we blow them up, getting no-bid contracts to rebuild a country that we blew up

while he's making the decisions to blow up these countries. It's crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy. And you couldn't stop it. Right. But if someone comes along and some powerful speaker, someone who you really – I there's there's several choices

apparently and if they pick someone and i'm sure they're grooming someone right now who you get excited about you go okay this person this person could step up if if biden lost or if biden lost it right or biden died which is also possible bro there's a there's a photo of him that was on the new york times yesterday where you could see where they gave him the fucking face lift. He's talking and his skin is unnaturally pulled up and back. It's like, oh, Christ, man. Maybe 20 years ago.

Maybe 20 years ago, but not now. This is crazy. Amen. All I know is when he was talking about all the stuff he would have done if this crossed his desk. Like, you know, and just having an awareness of how the government works. Well, what was it? The pandemic agency

was closed down. But what I love about Trump, he was honest. He was like, man, nobody thought this was going to happen. He literally just said it. So he was like, get rid of them. But then there's all types of protocols and you find out where the money is for this. Like Joe had a just a knowledge of where all that stuff was. And I feel like Trump talks to his lawyers like, what can I do?

What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? And he just goes, you know, then he takes his stance based on what he is known. He just goes, you know, then he takes his stance based on what he is known. He's no, he's going to be protected legally. And he doesn't equate that he's president of all of us. You know what I mean? So I just feel like that's what's missing. And he is incapable of doing that. I know when Pence had the mic and Pence was getting popular, it ate at Trump.

And he's like, man, let me come and do these. How does that guy get popular? How does, first of all, you want to talk about a vice and do these conferences. How does that guy get popular? First of all, you want to talk about a vice president? I don't know what that guy's voice sounds like. Dude, well, people were just happy to hear somebody not yelling back at people. He was like, we're going to have that by the end of the week. Did you ever see there's

a woman who has one of them pink pussy hats on and there's a bunch of people that are yelling impeach Trump, impeach Trump. And she's running like, yay, President Pence! Oh yeah, I remember that. And they're like, what? Like, yeah, if Trump gets impeached, then Pence becomes president. And she's running like, yay, President Pence, President Pence. And they're like, what? Like, yeah, if Trump gets impeached, then Pence becomes president. She's like, yeah, maybe we should not impeach him. And they're like, yeah, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, that was so funny. It's crazy. It's become so emotional, right? Yes. And I feel like Trump's a businessman, so he's not approaching this with any emotion. And it just—it fucks with people because they're like, yo, you know. Well, the good thing that he did was block travel from China. That's a good thing.

It probably saved thousands of lives. It really did. And a lot of people are saying you're crazy for doing that. But there's also—there's so many fucking people that are pointing fingers. But then they're also saying that he actually didn't. They were saying that people were still coming from China. What do you mean he actually didn't? I don't know.

I just heard. That's what I'm saying. I was saying conflicting. No, they definitely blocked travel. He blocked travel. Yeah. But they were saying people were still coming here from China. Well, maybe some people had loopholes because of diplomatic reasons or business reasons or whatever.

But they did. Look, man, there was a video that Eddie Bravo had on his page of Nancy Pelosi in February telling people to go out and go to Chinatown. There's no worries, just go out and mingle. And then they confronted her. Chris Wallace confronted her on Fox News, and she was just bullshitting her way out of this while she was blaming the president. Look, everybody got this wrong. Everybody got it wrong. Everybody did 430 000 people have traveled from china to u.s since the coronavirus surfaced right but when but but the coronavirus surfaced and this is just a this i think this is just an article about what yeah i understand the article is recent but this is an article about when the coronavirus surfaced which was in january that's just letting people know how

many surfaced here made it over to America. But that's not how many people came to America. This is since Chinese officials disclosed the outbreak on New Year's Eve. Two months after President Trump imposed restrictions. 40,000 since the President's

imposed restrictions. So what kind of restrictions were those? The bulk of the travelers who were of multiple nationalities arrived in January at airports in Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, Chicago, Newark, and Detroit, all places fucked by coronavirus. Oh, hotspots, baby. So it's like, what are you talking about right now? They flew directly from Wuhan.

Have you seen all the shit that points to the fact that this came from a lab? Well, yeah. You know what's so funny? I was talking to, I can't say it. But they were like, this is a chemical thing that just got out of hand. They were like, they fucked up.

Well, they were working on how to mitigate viruses. That's what they were doing. They were working on... And they had viruses in this lab in Wuhan. And they think it came out. And that's one of the reasons

why they think China immediately blames it on the wet market. They said whenever China blames it on something, always look deeper. There are a ton of scientists that are pointing to that. There's one French virologist. Jamie, I'll send you this. There's a French virologist who identified HIV. And this French virologist was looking at this disease and he was

like this is not a disease that came from nature no this is a disease that came from a lab did you see that that facebook video where the um there's some series on netflix what is it it's a series on netflix um that takes place in china that like two or three years ago, they called the coronavirus and he like played the thing. Really? Yeah. It was like episode 13, season three or something like that of this show. Jesus Christ.

Man, they knew this stuff was happening. Well, people knew that it was always a possibility. I can't believe it. I'm on this text thread. But it's here now and it's just like the reset of like, oh, that's another thing that's interesting. Like what it's doing to our TV industry. Like it feels like everything has become YouTube, you know? Yes. You know what I mean?

I know. Even CNN. Everybody's trying to do you right now. Everybody is doing this. Well, the weird thing is they're trying to do it, but they're not adapting. Right. They're not adapting to the fact they got no audience, so they're doing these whack-ass monologues.

You know who's doing it well? Who? Bill Maher. Yeah, with a fake audience and having fun with it. He's having a great time. Also, he has, here, French virologist, I'll send you this right now, Jamie. Hold on a second.

Bill Maher has some great fucking rants. I mean, I tweeted twice to him where I said, bravo. Yes. Are you playing it? Oh, it's on my phone. Where's the sound coming from? I just sent it to you. Yeah.

His fucking shit has been great. Yeah. Hilarious. And also, you know, he's pushing all the buttons. You know? He's doing comedy. He's doing like real edgy comedy while he's pointing out how crazy this all is.

I appreciate him right now. He's that guy who's on the left that I really like the fact that he doesn't give in to all the craziness. He doesn't give in to the lunacyiness. He doesn't give in to the lunacy of left-wing policies. He's still

rational about it all. Although, clearly, left-wing biased, he's still rational. And still goes with comedy. But it was one, yeah. I watched some, I don't know, man. I like him a lot. And I watch... I feel like a butt's coming.

I watch, no, because I watch some of his stuff. And I feel like it's two things. He should have me on his show, basically. Because he's always. He would have you on his show. He's always talking about kids. He don't know what the fuck he's talking about. And he's always talking about.

But I love how he attacks it. Like he knows. But it's like, ah, dude. That's your shit, but that's not it. Or he'll be talking about, he did this whole rant about, why can't we call it the China disease and all that stuff. a Chinese American on on the daily talking about her experience of feeling like being an Asian American

here was always like a probationary experience as long as I did the right things and stayed out the way people left me alone but when this came up just her going outside people are like you fucking Chinese you know and it's kind of like so it's to me I love watching them and it's kind of like, so it's to me, I love watching him because

it's also these blind spots that he just, his whole rant was really about stop these wet markets. You can do it. He didn't have to do the other side of it. When they called it the Chinese virus, they don't call anything a virus based on the country. They would call it the Wuhan virus. Yeah. It's like they call Lyme disease Lyme disease

That was one of the examples that I used or like, you know SARS or MERS or some Middle Eastern respiratory didn't make that point He didn't say I call it the Wuhan virus. He was like he was like said and that's what I'm saying The problem is yeah the problem is that he's trying to do comedy and he's trying to make a point at the same time and Really the right way would be call it the wuhan virus if they called it but when they called it covid 19 then it becomes the whole world's problems that's one of the differences between that what that journalist in germany was saying to the head of china you know he was saying that and then the chinese guy was saying hey this is

the whole world's problem this whole world's's pandemic, but yeah, kinda, but it did come from a fucking, if it did, if it did come from a lab, you know. Right. We should call it the lab-created Wuhan virus. There you go, but it's more specific. Here it is. Inaccurately claims the novel coronavirus is man-made and contains genetic material from HIV.

Okay, so this guy is Nobel laureate Luc Montagnier. Do you speak French at all? No, no, I didn't get there. So how do we know that this guy is correct? It says genomic analysis. Can you make that a little bigger? It says indicates the virus has a natural origin.

It was not engineered. The so-called unique protein sequence insertions found in 2019 coronavirus can be found in many other organisms not just HIV but that doesn't mean it's organic or natural in origin see I think that we are right now in this period of conflicting information and you're gonna get it bouncing back and forth from pro to con but I've read multiple sources that seem and and from respected scientists, that seem to indicate that there's a distinct possibility that came from that lab. One of the things they're saying is the actual bats that they sequenced the genome,

when they found the genetics for this virus, the bats that tested where this originated from, they're from the same exact location as the bats that they do research on in this lab. And the lab is four miles away. I mean, it's not, it's not outside of the realm of possibility. I mean,

we're in the wheelhouse right there. Yeah. Well, obviously I'm a moron. I don't know shit about viruses other than what I read. But when China says, Oh, definitely a wet market,

nothing to see here. Sorry. That's a great point. Look deeper. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, maybe it was a wet market. Maybe it wasn't a wet market, to see here sorry that's a great point look deeper yeah i don't know i mean maybe it was a wet market maybe it wasn't a wet market but like eating fresh fat like right yeah

well the wet markets are fucking gross you know it is but that's also a sad thing about you're trying to feed a billion people and you're feeding them wildlife you know a lot of what they're eating is wildlife they're equivalent to like squirrels and yeah exactly yeah just they're eating whatever they can eat. You know pigeons were brought over here as food? From where? From other countries. From Europe, I believe. You know palm trees were brought over here? Yes. They're not native

at all to California. Isn't that crazy? LA is palm trees. Like Cub Swanson, he's got fights in UFC. He's got SoCal tattooed on his stomach with two palm trees. Like, bitch, those are Hawaiian. Those are Hawaiian. It's like, once you know stuff, you can't unknow it.

And it's like, sometimes. I know. That's a weird one. Palm trees are a weird one. Because you're like, what? What? How many did they bring over here? Yeah.

They steal all the palm trees? Yeah. Yeah. That's a weird one. Yeah. They're normally in climates with hurricanes and shit. Because they can withstand them. They withstand the fuck trees? Yeah. Yeah, that's a weird one. Yeah, they're normally in climates with hurricanes and shit because they can withstand the- They withstand the fuck out of some wind, right? When was the last time you saw a palm tree that fell over?

Snap. Right. Those motherfuckers are just- What? Take it. What wind? They just take it. Yeah, wind.

Yeah. They're not worried about wind at all. No. How crazy is that that a plant evolved to be able to handle the winds? Right, right. And so my brain is working like, you know, the palm trees that couldn't stand it, you know. They're telling, hey, man, you better. Winds are coming.

Dude, I love Hawaii. I love how Hawaii is like, fuck you. No one's coming here. Man. Stay out. Stay out. Stay out. We got some beautiful islands.

We're just going to sit tight and eat fish for a couple weeks. Yeah. You ain't going to find the apple peas in Hawaii. You ain't going to find no fucking Fridays or chilies. Oh, none of that. I proposed to my wife in Maui. Did you really? Best.

One of the best times of my life. I love it there. I love it there. I go to Hawaii every year to bow hunt. Oh, yeah? I go to Lanai. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah. One-tenth of my meat that I eat from a year comes from Hawaii. That's dope. You know what's crazy? I will say to anybody listening, if you're not married yet, keep a nice file of photographs of before y'all had kids because I sent my wife a picture of us in Hawaii, and it, like, made her weak.

She was just like when we were people well everybody feels like that now like everybody's like a prisoner yeah yeah it's um you see how Ellen got in trouble for saying that what did she say she said it's actually a hilarious joke she goes I feel like I'm in prison she goes I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone's gay. That's a funny joke! But then people are like, Ellen needs to be educated about the realities of prison. Like, yeah, but also

it's just a joke, okay? Jokes can't coexist with the need to be factual at every turn. They can't. This is not gonna... Yes, you're right. They can't. This is not going to. Yes, you're right. You're right.

She should be sensitive about. But how do you know that she's not also sensitive about incarceration? Look, incarceration is fucked up. It's fucked up. And I don't know what the solution is. But I do know that it's not going to rehabilitate anybody. I mean, if you get rehabilitated while you're in prison, all the people that I know that have been in prison, that's up to you. They'll offer you classes, but you're dealing with so much chaos while you're in there and

so much danger and so much fucked up shit. If you get rehabilitated because of that- You're a strong motherfucker. Yeah, you're a strong motherfucker. But there's people that, like, one of my favorite examples is Bernard Hopkins. Bernard Hopkins, who was one of the greatest boxers of all time, and also one of the ones who had the longest career of all time.

I mean, at elite world-class level, was beating world-class fighters deep into his 40s. Fought his last fight, I think it was 51. Bernard Hopkins did a stint in jail. And when he came out, one of the things that the, one of the guys in the jail, one of the guards said, you'll be back. And he's like, the fuck I will. And his discipline was legendary because he never wanted to be back there.

The executioner mask. So a friend of mine, Danon Green, he did a documentary about, it's a group of guys in Philly called the Executioners. And it's a fascinating documentary. And I think he either took the name or adopted it or whatever. Bernard Hopkins did.

From them? Yeah, it was a bunch of cats from troubled area. But they found boxing and started having success as the executioners. They would wear the mask and the ring and all of that. No shit. And Bernard kind of like adopted it. Well, you know, he abandoned it later on in his career because people were trying to figure out why he's so good this late in life.

So he became the alien. Yep. So it's bhop.al on instagram because like people like how the fuck are you beating the shit out of everybody when you're late 40s yes yeah he's like i'm an alien so he decided that like he was just super technical and disciplined and never never did dumb things inside the ring just did everything technically and always erred on the side of defense. His defense was impeccable. That's how I live life offstage.

I'm telling you. Bernard Hopkins style. You know a great example of that is the difference between Roy Jones Jr. in his prime, who I think is one of the greatest of all time, if not the greatest. Roy Jones Jr. in his prime was fucking untouchable. Untouchable. but then when Roy

got a little older and a little slower Bernard and him fought twice they fought once and Roy beat him by decision and they fought later on when Bernard was actually older than Roy and Bernard beat Roy by decision pretty decisively because Bernard's fundamentals and his technical ability was rock solid. Whereas Roy never, I don't want to say never threw a jab, but rarely threw a jab, would leap in with a left hook. Yeah. Because his left hook was so preposterous, he could get away with crazy shit.

Hands down, moving around. He's the only fighter on record for CompuBox that won an entire round of a championship fight without having one punch landed on him. Do you know how crazy that is? Whoa. Against a world champion, against Vinny Pazienza. They fought an entire round where Pazienza didn't land one punch. Fuck.

I would quit if I was Vinny. He would never quit. Vinny Pazienza would never fucking quit. He would die before he would quit. And he almost did. Roy beat the fuck out of him. And when Roy was stopping him, Roy dropped him, was beating his ass, and looked at the referee and was like, please stop this fight.

And the referee was like, keep fighting. He's like, okay. And then he went, bing, bing, and then put him away. But he's like, I didn't have to do that. Right. Like, he's letting him know, like, this fight is over, man. This fight's over. Stop this.

Stop this guy. Imagine not landing one punch. Man, I keep forgetting. Get the name of the place. When I lived in Chicago, there used to be a spot on the north side where on Thursday nights they would put a boxing ring on the entire floor. Right. And when you walk in, if you have beef with somebody, you could sign up and you and you would go. And it was all these like thugs and these gang dudes and whatever would try to fight.

And you would see how out of shape people were in real time, like in the ring. And then they would always end it with a professional or an amateur professional. And you can try to fight them if you want. And that's when you would see the importance of fucking technique. Because you would have all these dudes who looked like they could put in work. But man, that dude would just stand there and just jab, jab. But it was so solid. He would never get tired.

Just be knocking these dudes. And you would stand on the second. And what happens is people start fighting really hard for, like, the first 30 seconds. And they get winded and they don't throw punches. So you could throw lemons at them. So you talking all that shit? And it was like the funnest Thursday night.

We would do it every Thursday and go, and that's when I first started getting into, oh shit, technique is everything. It's everything. That professional

would just step up there and just like, not be phased, and I'm talking about on the street, if you saw any of these guys, you would be like, I ain't fucking with that dude.

Right. But he knew after 45 seconds, they can't, it's a wrap. They're gonna be winded, they're gonna be tired, and then he, zoop, zoop, zo ain't fucking with that dude. But he knew after 45 seconds, it's a wrap. They're going to be winded. They're going to be tired. And then he's zoop, zoop, zoop, zoop, next. It was amazing to watch.

So when you talk about that guy didn't land a punch in it, god damn. And he's a world champion. I mean, he's an elite boxer. And that's how good Roy Jones Jr. was. Roy Jones Jr., when he was at his best was, people forget, man. They forget. There was a Nas song with the new Mike Tyson's Roy Jones. Yeah.

And people forget. There was a time, and Roy had a song about it. It's called Y'all Must've Forgot. Y'all Must've Forgot. You know what's crazy is that I was just thinking about that in terms of our business. Because my wife and I I we were trying to recall an old TV show and we

couldn't really figure out the details of it but being in like writers rooms and shit you know how much people pine over certain things and arguments happen and all this shit just trying to get a show on the air and then 20 years later what was the name of it

like no one remembers like what is so important to us today you know what I mean right it's like it's like they got this

Jordan doc coming back on again so people are like oh shit Jordan was this is a new Jordan documentary right yeah it's the last dance yeah ESPN

followed him for Jordan said you're not gonna like me after this yeah yeah he didn't give a fuck he's like that's who I was that's how you win that's how you win six ESPN followed him for. Jordan said, you're not going to like me after this. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't give a fuck.

He's like, that's who I was. That's how you win. That's how you win six. Yeah. Well, I've always said that greatness and madness are next door neighbors. Yeah. And they borrow each other's sugar. That's my saying.

Put that on a t-shirt, man. That's true. That's great. Every great person I've ever met is mad. They're mad. Because in order to get to that place further than anybody goes, you got to be out of your fucking mind. And you have to have a drive inside you that's different. You got to be able to sacrifice relationships and public perception and even your own well-being. Yes.

There's people that get to those points. Those people are just, they're not, and maybe it's not a good idea to get to those points because you only live in those points for 10 years, right? And then after that, you've got to live with yourself. Yes. And it's hard for a lot of people to heal. You know who's healed?

Who? Mike Tyson. Yes, I love him. Love him. Love him. You know how he's healed? How? Marijuana.

Seriously? Yeah, you want to smoke some Mike Tyson weed right now? Yeah. All right now? Yeah. All right, hold on. You bullshit. Woo! I'm about to smoke Mike. I got a one-of-a-kind Mike Tyson weed box.

Man, my kids are going to be like, Daddy, why are you so happy right now? Daddy is tripping. Mike Tyson? Yeah, that dude is amazing give us that cool gold box

over there I don't know if you can see it in the corner oh shit yeah we'll both get our own joint

thank you man otherwise we would share a joint we would share a joint even though you tested positive it seems like a bad I tested negative

excuse me I mean in a good way positive sorry you're tested positive, it seems like a bad. I tested negative. Excuse me. I mean, in a good way, positive. Sorry. You tested negative. I'm sorry. I meant you're good. Like she's behind Joe. I mean, even though you're good, it seems like in poor form to share a joint.

Oh, this is nice. Mm-hmm. Damn. Smells good. You're a dud lighter. What good. Is this, um... You're a dud lighter. What happened to this lighter, Jamie? You been here firing up joints from behind my back?

Thank you, sir. Mm-hmm. But Mike Tyson was, in his prime, the ultimate destroyer and the ultimate guy who was completely focused only on greatness but then after a while you know after his you know his career was over and he had to settle in and realize who was now he doesn't even like working out and what he said to me was that he goes I don't I don't want to feed my ego mm-hmm he goes if i start working

out again i'll start feeding my ego that's self-awareness like a motherfucker like that's why i don't have a six-pack real i'll be fucking don't don't give up your joke but that joke that you do is brilliant it's one of my favorite jokes thank you man yeah man i don't that six-pack joke is genius thank you man i think i'm gonna release that six pack joke is genius thank you man I think I'm gonna release that shit we gotta do something

Owen we gotta let people know I mean I've been telling people as much as I can you're one of the best comics alive thank you

that's a fact thank you man I gotta tell you man notebooks came out really good Joe I worked my ass off on that shit you'd have been

laughing at me I did stop motion photography so like the graphics when you'll see I wanted to do like this paper I worked my ass off on that shit. You'd have been laughing at me. I did stop motion photography. So like the graphics, when you'll see, I wanted to do like this paper crumpling and uncrumpling to show like, you know, names and all that stuff. So I, while my kids and wife were asleep, I set up stop motion photography and crumpled the paper. Oh, wow. You did it all yourself? All myself.

Put it in. And then I had a hell of a director, a hell of an editor, Matt Silfin. Big shout out to my man, Matt Silfin. What are you using to set all that up? I have a tripod that leans on, because I've always, I like cooking. And I was going to do like food videos, but for my family, to show them like shit that I'm making. I don't want to be on the internet doing that.

I just feel like, but I do want to, so when I make stuff for people sometimes I go how did you do that what'd you make so I would challenge Donnell I would send him pictures and be like food beef son yeah that's right he cooks a lot yeah he cooks a lot too what kind of food do you cook I would do so I would do I went on this whole bit this whole like um I would make shit so I would make my smoothies are incredible i would make my own almond milk and all that shit and people how do you how are you doing that shit so i would do that and then i would make like my breakfast foods are crazy like my wife loves like i put that together i make shit from scratch because i'm a from scratch uh like what kind of shit waffles pancakes

yeah i could i could tell you what goes in it right now. I could, like, look in your thing and be like, okay, you need. You know what I'm saying? I could hook that shit up. Whatever, man. Whatever. And, you know, whatever it is. But I'm big on plating and making it look good and shit.

You're like a chef in disguise. I'm like a chef. I'm a quiet chef. Have you ever cooked any wild game? Nah, man. No? I don't. But I just just gotta see it

once and then i'll get so many ideas because i guarantee you i could take a recipe that you love and just even like heighten it you'd be like damn i didn't think of it that way okay i love doing that shit and so i was gonna do sometimes i my wife would take a picture i'll take a picture and like send it to like my mom or something and my mom is like competitive as fuck how'd you do that did you put the thing on the thing and i get it from from them they're like they're foodies and send it to my mom or something. And my mom is competitive as fuck. How'd you do that? Did you put the thing on the thing? And I get it from them. They're foodies before it was foodies.

My Aunt Sissy could bite a piece of dessert and be like, they didn't use cinnamon. She can taste that shit. And I grew up watching that, so I like doing it. So basically I bought a tripod, but I was able to use that for the stop-motion photography so I did that for all the the lower third titles and all of that stuff and I had to realize that cooking is an art I had I had to change my perceptions and I didn't realize that I had a misconceived idea misperception I didn't realize that I had a misconceived idea, a misperception. I didn't understand that until I watched Anthony Bourdain's TV show, the first one, No Reservations.

And when I watched that show and his enthusiasm and passion for great chefs and great cuisine. And I think a lot of it also was like that he was enthusiastic about other people's work. Yeah. And then I was realizing like this, okay, this guy is not just a chef himself, which he was enthusiastic about other people's work yeah and then I was realizing like this okay this guy is not just a chef himself which he was but also like a fan of the art form and so all the great masters like he would go to their places all over the world and and and film with them and eat with them and cook with them and drink with them and then i i realized like oh this is a this is an art form that you don't it doesn't last very long and you eat it but it's still an art form yeah but it's

an art form it's like oh yeah like drawing right like your son's three when your son draws yes like it's cool to see someone draw something but it's also different than you know whatever leonardo da vinci yeah you know whatever some someone who's amazing at it like you go oh there's levels there's many many many many many many many levels even to food there's like some food that's just i'm hungry i just need to eat right but then i guess what happened was civilization got settled into the fact there was enough time between getting raided by barbarians and fighting off saber-toothed cats they're like okay okay okay what if i make it pretty like what if i add a little bit of this everything and then the putting a little fucking balsamic drizzle on it look at that yeah a little sprig of parsley rosemary yeah yeah look

what you did and then they started turning what was like an essential thing into an art experience yeah well because you you eat with all five of your senses right first you you hear it cooking right then you smell it you're like oh shit that's my thing right then you see it cooking, right? Then you smell it. You're like, oh, shit, that's my thing, right? Then you see it, and that's the whole plating of it, right? What's the other two senses? You taste. You taste it last. Yeah.

See, hear. What's the other one? Feel. You touch it. Feel it? And you touch it. Oh, sure, texture. You touch it, and you go.

And so it is. It's a dance, man. It's the whole. And I love that. I love that whole aspect of it. And for a while, I had gotten into plant-based stuff to see. And so it's like a fun thing when you can basically make versions of your old comfort foods. I would be like, hey, or I would make stuff without a like, a specific ingredient and, like, do a substitute thing.

And it tastes great or it looked great or whatever it is. So that's the stuff that I was into, man. But I also like flipping, like, my wife and I did joke about doing a site called Doctoring It Up. Like, we'll just take, like, we'll take, I don't know, we'll take, like, I don't know, canned chili, but then slice it up. So when you eat it, it's like, this shit could be, like, a $25 bowl of chili now, you know what I mean? Doctoring stuff up is, like, my thing, too. I could take a frozen pizza and do some shit to it, and you'd be like, you could. You know what's cool to me, too, is that food is so specific to the culture.

Like, I went to Thailand for the first time ever last year. Oh, wow. Yeah. And, you know, we actually took a Thai cooking class at this one place. And so you got to understand, like, how they do things. Like, there's very little dairy. Like, everything is, like, coconut milk and these different spices and curries and the way they cook.

And it's like, oh, this is so recognizable as opposed to like Mexican food, which is so recognizable to Mexico. Right. The mole and the chorizo and all the different styles of creating Mexican food. Yeah. Well, for a while, I did raw food. Raw? What were you eating?

I did raw food. It was fantastic were you eating? I did raw food. It was fantastic. It was the best shape I ever felt in my life. Just raw vegetables? Did you eat raw meat? No, I didn't do raw meat. But I went down this deep dive. I was learning how to make dishes.

And every meal has four things, a fat, an acid, a salt a salt and a sweet so even if you don't eat raw food i was just like looking at plates like so if you get calamari right the fried and that's the fat you know what i mean and then the salt is obviously the salt and the batter and the salt you put on it the sweet is the dipping sauce but they always give you a lime wedge i'm like why do they do that and that's the acid part. So every meal should have those four components. And then you just learn like how you tease the tongue and stuff that you do to like stimulate the tongue and excite it. And so what I learned when I did the raw food thing is that I don't love barbecue potato chips. I love the seasoning that's on the chips.

Of course. So you can take anything, not anything, but you know what I mean, something chippy-esque. But if you can conjure up those same seasonings, I won't miss barbecue potato chips. Bro, I will fuck up a bag of vinegar and salt and vinegar chips. See salt and vinegar? I will fuck those chips up.

Tom's got the best ones, I think. I feel like I can't stop. I'm in a trance. I'm in a vinegar and salt-eating trance. I like barbecue savory, but I would eatating trance. I'm like barbecue savior. But I would eat any chip. But it's like the chip by itself. That's where the sum is way greater than the sum of the parts, the total.

Because salt by itself is okay. Vinegar by itself, that's fine. Chips by themselves, all right. I'm hungry. I'll eat it. All together, you're like, Jesus. Where have you been all my life? Right? Like, what an impact. Yes'll eat it. All together, you're like, Jesus! Where have you been all my life? Right?

Like, what an impact. Yes, yeah. What's up, Jamie? I haven't seen you getting those salt and vinegar almonds. Have you had those? I'm scared. I'm scared of these almonds. Oh, wow.

I've been addicted to those for years. These are my brand. It's that company. Srirachas. Yeah, Blue Diamond. Oh, yeah. It's that company. I eat the shit out of these.

But I know there's all kinds of spices in here that I don't need. Right. Why am I eating this? It's probably, look, this is the, I haven't, I can't read this without my glasses on, but that list of ingredients. Too many for almonds. Not just almonds. Look at all that shit.

Look, see if you can read that. Look at all that shit. There's too many. Those are the sriracha almonds, which are goddamn delicious. Yeah. But I. The first one's a little weird would be corn maldextrin. There you go. That's the first ingredient? No, no, no. I mean like the first one that's a little weird would be corn maldextrin. That's the first ingredient?

No, I mean the first one that's a little funny. It's almonds, vegetable oil, sugar, salt, corn maldextrin. Yeah, see, sugar is a high number. That's not good either. You're really better off raw almonds. That's what I make almond milk with.

Raw almonds are dope. A little bit of sugar, though. How many grams of sugar does it say for serving? Two grams. How big is a serving, though?

Like, how many servings are in there? Oh, yeah. Why do they do servings like that? It says 28 nuts is an ounce. So that's six servings? Well, I eat six servings

then. That's 12 grams. Hilarious. Because I eat six servings. That's not bad. How many teaspoons of sugar is 12 grams? It's a lot of calories, too. when you find out how many calories are in almonds

You're like whoa six grams of protein. Yeah. Yeah, it's good for you. Um, but you know, it's bad for the fucking environment You care if you care about the environment, you're not supposed to be growing a plant here that could never survive without being drowned That's what almonds are these motherfuckers just suck up all the water. They're whores. That's hilarious. They're mean. They kill all the other plants. They're like, fuck you.

Oh, they do? We're trying to make nuts. Shut up. I don't know. I'm just kidding about that. But they're drinking all the water. They're greedy bitches. Thirsty as hell.

Somebody pointed that out. If you really care about the environment, you wouldn't be buying avocados from other countries. Oh, yeah. Where is that avocado coming from? How's it getting here? By truck? You're supposed to be eating what's around you.

That's right. And you're supposed to live where shit grows. Remember Kenneth Smith? It's the desert. Oh, that's right, right. We just drove here 500 miles with your food. It occurred to us. We don't have world hunger if you people live where the food is.

Move. Come here. We got deserts in America, too. We just don't live in them assholes. Do that line alone. A lot of our food comes from California. The farmland between here and San Francisco is crazy Republican. Dude, you go up there, you see these anti-abortion billboards

and pro-Trump billboards, and oh my goodness. It's like a different world. It's so crazy because it's the world of the people who have to work from fucking dawn till like 7 p.m., and then they crash, and they go back to the farm again. They're always trying to keep it together. Fuck, man. When it comes to like farmers, there's one thing you get a lot of.

You get a lot of religion. And this is not a value judgment. But you get a lot of religion and you get a lot of Republicans. You get a lot of that. It's not that common that you get farmers that are liberal there are a few there's certainly some organic farmers that are like real progressive liberal people they understand the importance of growing your own food yes but like mass farmers like when farmers are growing corn to feed cows like that those kind of farmers there's nothing wrong with that they need them

that those fuckers are a lot of those people are republican you got to wonder like maybe it's just like the party of the people that really bust their ass and they they want that they want that that hard-working farmer ethic is like there's no room for bullshit in that life if you got to get up at six o'clock in the morning and feed the chickens milk the cows and then do shit all day long and you're barely paying your bills you You don't want to hear any bullshit. You don't want to hear any bullshit. And so I think a lot of them are Republicans because Republican stands for like this no bullshit perspective on life.

They think the Democrats want to hand out their money and take too much out of taxes. But it's because of their reality. It's because of the reality of this particularly grueling occupation these people have taken on. It's almost like a mistake of perspective. They don't have an opportunity to see things openly, like see the whole world and see where their position is. They have a uniquely difficult position. They might think the whole world is like that. But it's not necessarily.

You just chose something that's a preposterous endeavor I mean, I mean that in an admirable way. I'm a good my ring Farmers work ethic if you took a regular person as you or me It's never worked like that ever and say hey Ellen you and Joe are gonna get up at five o'clock in the morning You're gonna feed the chickens and milk the cows You're going to feed the chickens and milk the cows and gather up the eggs. You're going to work all fucking day, man. And you're barely going to make any money.

And you're going to have crazy loans. And you're going to need to be subsidized. You're going to need to be subsidized by the goddamn government. Sign me up. No. Oh, man. There's so much depression and suicide. And when their farms collapse, man, it's fucking devastating. And there's some people who could do it, too. Some people would do it and they become very successful. And there's some people who could do it too.

Some people would do it and they become very successful. And there's some people who do it and love it and swear by it. I mean, there's a whole spectrum. But that has got to test you. And if you think about how crazy that is, that that's not more lucrative. What is more valuable to us than our food? And why do we treat them that way? Exactly.

Well, it's like what else is more valuable? Our teachers. Why do we treat them that way? Exactly. Well, it's like, what else is more valuable? Our teachers. Why do we treat them that way? It's consistent. You think about people who get paid so little who are so valuable. Yes. What a fucked up society. It's backwards, man. What is more valuable? There's number one is stay alive. That's number one.

How do you do that? You need food. Okay. The people like food. We should take so good care of them. They should be the 1%. They should be like priests. Yes. They should be taken care of. The givers of fruit.

They literally bring you fruit and you give them paper and you get their fruit and it sustains you. But they're struggling. And then number two is teachers. Yeah. Because once you're here, you got to learn something. But what do we do with our teachers? We take them.

We pay them dog shit. We stick them in front of 50 kids barely paying attention. And you just hope to make an impact on. Like, I'm sure you have a few teachers that said a thing at one point in time. And you're like, oh, okay. Teachers do make a difference. Mr. Friedenberg, you'll never be able to draw a woman until you've had a woman. Oh, shit.

I remember we said that in the house. I was like, oh, I got to get me a woman. Oh, shit. Everybody said that in the house. I was like, oh, I got to get me a woman. Oh, shit. That's a Bill Withers line. You know, that sounds like a song. Yeah, Mr. Friedenberg. God damn. Yeah.

I had one guy who was a Vietnam vet who was a heavy guy. He was heavy. And he was in middle school. I was in the Mary Curley Middle School in Jamaica, Jamaica Plains which is at the time it was a real sketchy neighborhood outside of Boston not a suburb of Boston but

inner city. We moved there from Florida and that was the only place we could afford when I was a kid and this was like 17 year old kids in my 7th grade class it was so ridiculous. I'm not exaggerating, man. Wow.

Yeah, it was maybe eighth grade. I'll forget. But there was this one teacher anyway, and he was a science teacher, and he would grow his own radishes. And he kept saying, like, all I need is radishes and salt, and that's my lunch. And I grew my lunch. And I'm thinking, like, wow, this guy's out there growing his lunch even out here in the city. But this is the big thing he said to me. He goes, you ever want to hurt your head?

He goes, just go outside and look up at space and realize how big it is. Try to imagine something that has no end. If you really want to hurt your brain, just try to imagine that space has no end. That fucked me up, dude. I was like 13. And I was like, oh my God, he's right. There's no end. And I swear to God, that became a big part of the shift in how I started viewing the world.

There's like two things that started happening when I was a kid. One is that I moved around a lot, so I never had friends. And because I never had friends, I had to form my own opinions on things. I couldn't just adopt the opinions of the neighborhood. I had to form my own opinions. So I was always traveling to all these different places. And then two was that teacher saying to me that there's no end. And I remember thinking that when I was a killer holy

shit and then the two conclusions that I won there are no grown-ups it's not real like I was realizing like I'm gonna one day be one of them what this is nonsense they don't know what because you see enough like faulty behavior yeah adults you see enough alcoholism. I saw a lot of alcoholism and drug abuse when I was doing construction. My stepdad was an architect, and he got me gigs on jobs and construction sites. That's what I would do for summer.

That's how I'd make money. And you get to be friends with some of these guys, and some of them had real potential. There's this one dude, he was a drummer and a musician. I think mostly a drummer i think he played guitar too in a band and he was a really funny guy his name was robbie funny interesting guy but he just struggled with the fucking booze in the bottle and i became friends with him when I was like 16, 17. And he was in his 30s, man.

And he couldn't get his shit together. He would like do good for a little stretch and then he would fall apart. But I remember I liked him so much. I was like, he's so funny. And when he's got his shit together, he's just a fucking cool guy. And then I would see him drunk. And I remember thinking that when I was 17. Like, oh, this poor guy. he's tripping on his own dick. He's just fucking his way through.

But it was like, for me, it was important to realize that you could be a guy who was like a funny, nice guy that I really like, but also do the dumbest things possible and derail your life. So I was thinking, like, what is missing in this guy that he's doing this like why do people keep doing that particularly with things that are just undeniably devastating like hard drugs and things along those lines where you literally could die every night and you're still shooting up like what keeps you doing that and it's like a lack of structure for a lot of them it's a wow i was thinking that lack of structure for a lot of them. Oh, wow. I was thinking that when I was, like, a lot of them are adrift. And some of them, it's a chemical thing.

Some of them, for sure, addiction is they're more inclined chemically. But it seemed like some of them was just like a lack of structure and discipline. And if they just had rules, like, here's rule number one. You don't shoot heroin into your dick. Because you're a Smith. And this is, Smiths don't shoot heroin into their dicks okay all right gather it up but some people they grew up with parents that didn't lay down any rules man and they never developed they never developed like a line they can't be that farmer yeah those fucking farmers that get up at 6 a.m that those no bullshit motherfuckers that work hard every day.

Every day. And then there's people that just like they barely show up. I'm sick today. I can't make it in. I didn't think of it that way but that's so true. They don't have anything

hanging over their head. Yeah. You know? Especially when you're young. Billy Gardell used to say when you're single you're a Democrat. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, when you're single you get a house you're a Republican. Yeah. It's like once you own some shit you're going to no no no no yeah when you see your day is get a house you're Republican yeah I want you to own some shit you're gonna want to keep it and then that's what yeah that's sort of true but that's not always I mean I'm not a Republican um I can't I consider myself left on almost every issue yeah except for maybe the Second Amendment and this is one where I saw people falter. I saw a lot of my liberal friends

fall apart. What happened? Wanted to come to JoJo. How do I get a gun? Oh, when this shit went down? Joe, listen. I know we've disagreed. I got so many texts and calls.

It wasn't that we disagreed even. It's that like they never, one friend, his wife would never let him have a gun. And the moment this went down, she goes, you have to get a gun. She said she goes, you have to get a gun.

She said to him, you have to get a gun. That's hilarious. She turned 180 degrees. And this is what I've always been saying. Like people can go dark on you, man. The world can get evil. When scarcity becomes a thing. I mean, there's a reason why there's so many apocalyptic movies and it never works out great.

You know, all these Mad Max movies. It's not like, that would be way better if we just lived on coconuts and fish we speared yeah it would be it's a great idea in theory but what if you break your leg you want to dive an infection on the beach so how many people hit you up asking a lot a lot like almost probably a dozen close to did you help maybe i would say genuinely at least seven or eight. It was two. No. I said, listen, you're going to go down a road, man.

I'm not going to help you get a gun. You've got to go to a gun store. There's a giant line. Yeah, wait in line, bitch. Go read. Read online how to get a gun. I'm not supporting your panic buying of firearms. You've got to learn how to use it, too. That's the other thing. That's the part. You don't have to learn how to use it too that's the other thing that's the part that's

yeah you don't have to learn how to use a gun like i've taken several lessons many lessons now um you you have to learn how to use a gun correctly you have to learn how to load it yeah i've had rifle lessons i've had pistol lessons it's it's a it's a very dangerous thing to just have around if you don't have any experience with it it's it's tricky but but the inclination to get one is what i've been telling people about all along like you think the world is safer than it is the world's not that safe it's just safe right now we hit a real good spot man you and i were born in an amazing time. I don't know. Could you imagine? We're born in the time where people are getting

it together, right? We're not together all the way, but we're getting it together. Yeah. We're getting it together. So in a sense, like one of the things that you were saying earlier about wanting a woman of color to be vice president, here's what that would indicate. And this is what I think, well, one of the best things about the Obama presidency. But this is what I said the best thing about the Obama presidency. Let everybody know. Okay, well, this racism is all bullshit. Because here's a guy who made it to the fucking White House.

And this is a guy who's articulate and he's brilliant and he's a perfect statesman. Whether or not you like his policies or not, like that's a great representative of who we can be. So drop it. There's no inferior race. It's just people who have an opportunity and people who don't and cultures and where they develop in advance and what kind of environment they grow up in. We're all one thing. We're all one thing. True.

But. But. Always. but here's the but when one group decides to change the rules and keep moving the goalposts so they can keep whatever they have that's everybody in power

that's what I'm saying every culture has that but in this country but in this country you know racism is not bullshit. This shit still exists. Oh, no, no, no.

I don't mean it's bullshit like it's not a real thing. I mean it's bullshit like it's a dumb thing to still hold on to. Okay, let's be clear. Okay, okay, okay. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. Thank you for being so calm and correcting me. If I really thought that stupid.

No, I'm not saying that racism is bullshit. I'm saying, no, you can't defend it anymore. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. Oh, I see what that stupid. No, I'm not saying that racism is bullshit. I'm saying, no, you can't defend it anymore. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, and it's exhausting. If you decide that an individual is in a category because of how much melanin or where they're from, that's crazy now. Let me tell you something, too, Joe.

No one has a stronger work ethic than a racist. No one has a stronger work ethic than a Jamaican No one has a stronger work ethic than a Jamaican. Jamaican to legendary. A Jamaican racist, mind you. Listen to me, man. No. You know how hard these cats work to change the rules? If they just did half of that the other way, everything would be beautiful.

Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? You know what's my favorite one? What? Lazy Mexican. Do you know how goddamn crazy that is? That's ridiculous. It's the hardest working people ever. You see Mexicans out there picking strawberries for like 13 cents an hour.

How much are they making? What do they pay them? There's so many undocumented workers. How many people walk here from Mexico? How many Mexicans working on farms and busting their ass doing the hardest jobs possible, waiting outside Home Depot to do anything you want them to do? That's crazy. That's a hilarious racist expression.

Before that, the same thing happened to black folks too, though. Sure. The slavery and after slavery, they called us lazy. And it's like, what? Well, the darkest aspects that have never been addressed from slavery is where you start from. So if there's a community and there's a community that has definitely been suppressed by racism. Like there was a guy, what is his name? Woods.

What's his name? The Baltimore police detective that we had on michael woods that's right uh who was a he was a detective in baltimore or a police officer in baltimore i don't know was he a detective i don't know he was a police officer anyway he found an old piece of paper that was a detail of like the the crime report and it was all the exact same crimes from 1970 something as he was experiencing the exact same place that crazy the exact same crimes and it was like oh shit and for him it was just a relevation like oh this is and then he found out about redlining where you literally weren't't allowed came up with that like seriously like well and to end it think of the work ethic it took to even what the who came up with well people that were trying to suppress people that were freed from slavery right so even imagine right even if you

weren't a slave owner if you condone slavery if you were around in 1864 and you know like i think it's a good thing and then all of a sudden they let them out you're like oh shit that's what happened and then they tried to suppress them so they try to keep in it and but we're still experiencing that today now when people talk about like reparations being a good idea or a bad idea the most important thing would be to fix all the spots that we absolutely know were affected by slavery and there's not a small number of them there's a large number of them and these communities continue to be in a suppressed state even though they are free they can go out some of them do escape and they get great careers some people do get out of bad neighborhoods but

the you're asking people to do a way more difficult thing than if you growing up in brentwood most people talk about you know slavery and now but nobody talks about like the the moment after slavery where they started doing the black codes right so so like so you're technically free right but then they would make it illegal for you to hunt and fish for your own food or and then you couldn't look for a job outside of your town like it was like all these things that was basically in it and then they made loitering illegal you know what i mean yeah because it's like if we can get you to jail then we can treat you like a slave again it was like this could you imagine like

so you only had to work for one person still and still get paid shitty wages yeah as opposed to going i want to work wherever i want to work it's illegal then i won't work i'll just draw my own food you can't do that like and the federal government didn't you know make the states deal with it i want to do a movie about that shit but i don't know if anybody there's a hundred movies to be done you know i got balls deep in a native american history a couple months back and it freaked me out man it's crazy man i i read i started off with uh this book that my friend steve ranella wrote on american buffalo right and i read that and a lot of it had to do with

like Native Americans hunting the buffalo and then I did read this book Empire of the Summer Moon it was on the Comanches and holy shit and I just started getting I read like at least five of them over most of them I listened to what fascinated you the most on audio what story stands out to you the most the Comanches yeah bro they ran. They ran shit all through Texas and Oklahoma. They killed everybody. This is how devious people were at the time. They would give people giant chunks of land. They'd say, you could have a giant chunk of land in Comanche country.

So they would give them this land. They would go there and get slaughtered. But they would slowly, they were trying to use them as human cannon fodder to slowly move the line of what America owned and push into Comanche country. But it took hundreds of years. The Comanches from the 1600s to the 1800s were dominant. They were so terrifying. All they ate was buffalo. They were wild motherfuckers who didn't hardly create any art.

They figured out horseback riding. And they figured out horseback riding better than any of the other Native Americans. And they figured out how to shoot arrows off their horses. And they figured out how to raise horses. So their whole thing was about giant packs of horses. And they can conduct all of their fighting off these horses. And the white dudes only had muskets back then. They had one shot, man.

And then you had to fill that bitch up, and it took forever. And the Comanches figured out – there's a dude named Lars Anderson who actually sort of recreated what they were able to do back then. He's an archery guy. And the Comanches would take arrows in between all their fingers. And so as they were riding a horse chasing dudes down all the white guys would get off the horses and aim and bang

that's how they fired their rifles. The Comanches would shoot from their horses with all their arrows stuck in their fingers they'd go 1, 2, 3, 4 and thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk they could shoot like an arrow a half a second crazy! They would hang off the side of the horse and use the horse as a shield and shoot under its neck that's dope and they were ruthless man ruthless what they did what

they did to other indians what they did to white settlers and it's all depicted in just dark, gory detail where you're like, oh my God. But you got to realize what was, imagine trying to survive back in Oklahoma in 1700 when you're just riding around your horse with, you got sticks that have sharp rocks that you chipped at the end of them to go kill deer and buffalo and shit and that's what you need to make your baby stay alive and then you get raided by other indians who want to fuck your woman and take all your shit dude i got so crazy about it i got so crazy about it that i i had a i had to take a break right for a while when i got that, that painting you saw in the hallway.

Yeah, that's fantastic. Dude, that's this guy, Greg Overton. He's this master of Native American stuff. I think that's a crow. I actually didn't ask him, but somebody else told me. Look at that. This is how these fuckers do it.

This guy hanging, that guy looks like a Mongol. Is he Native American? Yeah, it's off Daniel Bilelli's page. Well, he might be a Native American. Well, it might be Daniel Bilelli's page. Also, the way all their stuff, their hats and their clothing and stuff, looks more like Mongolian. But the Mongols were famous

for being able to do that. And that was even before anything was recorded about the Native Americans. How strong your core had to be to be able to do that? Well, their bows would take 160 pounds to pull. What? Yeah, yeah.

They were ridiculously strong people. So that's how you knew they were going to. Ridiculously strong. So you're saying it was like pulling 160 pounds. 160 pounds. Yeah. To give you an example, my bow that I shoot with is 82 pounds. It's really hard to pull back.

Oh, shoot. So it's like doing lat pull downs. Exactly. It's really hard to pull back. Oh, shoot. So it's like doing lat pull downs. Exactly. It's really hard to pull. But that is twice as powerful. And mine's a compound bow, so it's on like these cams. Right. So as you pull it, it gets easier at the end.

Oh, my God. And it's easier to hold there. That's hilarious, man. I just had like, what if you made a sound every time you pulled it because it's hard? You're like, eh. If you had like, what if you made a sound every time you pulled it? Because it's hard. You're like. If you did that, animals would run. Gym noises.

Did you ever see that? What is that one? Is it Planet Fitness? They don't let you make noises? That's hilarious. It's called the Lunk Alarm or something like that. You can't make noises. You can't make noises.

That's hilarious. We got discrimination of all time. They have meathead discrimination. They discriminate against us meatheads. Yes. If I'm lifting, bro, I'm making noises. Okay? You can't handle that?

Maybe you shouldn't have opened a fucking gym. This is what I do when I'm really trying to get something. I make noises because I'm a man. This is luck alarm. trying to get something. I go, I make noises because I'm a man. This is Lunk Alarm. Lunk Alarm. One who grunts, drops weights,

or judges. Oh, you mean a human. A human. You don't want humans. Right. You want people that are going to quit. That's what they want.

They want people that are going to buy a membership, go there for a month. And not show. And not show. You don't want people that are dedicated.

Right. Dedicated people grunt. They grunt. They drop weights. Yeah, they feel it. They also put pizza out on Fridays, I've heard. Oh, do they?

What place is this again? At Planet Fitness? Yeah. They put pizza out. Pizza. That's where people go. Is it like, what kind of pizza?

Like pizza. Like pepperoni and cheese pizza. Are you serious? That's so ridiculous. At a gym. What is that, there's a plant-based crust that's actually supposed to be cauliflower. Yeah, cauliflower.

I know how to make that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually make pizza crust from scratch. It's fun, man. It's a hilarious misunderstanding that you thought I was saying that racism is bullshit like it doesn't exist. No, I just wanted to clarify. I know, for sure.

But if I said that like that, God, that's going to be taken out of context. I didn't think you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why I went back. I didn't think that. That's not what I meant at all. Oh, that's hilarious. I just think it's bad for everybody. But it's also like it's a part of a pattern of human behavior that's bad.

And that pattern is lumping people into a category and not accepting the uniqueness of the individual. Like as soon as you put someone in a category, like any kind of category you put people in, and you don't accept the uniqueness of the individual, you create the potential for some sort of tribal difference between each other that wouldn't ordinarily exist. between each other that wouldn't ordinarily exist like we start thinking of someone as oh this guy's from yeah this guy's from this place this guy's from that place I think of them in this way or they do a this so I think of them that way like but I don't have a problem with any of that I have a problem when you go because I think of you that way you you you don't get to do this that's yes big is weird for sure think of me what you want I don't get to do this. That's where it gets weird. Oh, for sure. Think of me what you want.

I don't care. But when you just go, I don't want anything. What I was going to say is that we still have, but there's certain aspects of certain cultures you can't deny. Like Italians. I'm mostly Italian. And they are the most stereotypical fucking people alive. Like East Coast Italians are exactly like the Sopranos there's just varying levels this is a promo right now almost killing it fam he could be president he could be

ready that's a guy who could be president that's a guy who exhibits all the leadership skill and and understands that this is a terrible thing and sacrifices have to be made. And there's mistakes that have been made and we're going to have to correct those mistakes and do the right thing going forward. And we're going to have to figure out how to get through this. And that's the imagine being a guy who is a president or a mayor or a governor who's dealing with this right now. Like we as much as we shit on all of them, we have to we have to respect that they're trying to help us. And they're you know, I that they're trying to help us. I think they're trying to help us.

This is my perspective. When I see whether or not I agree that we should be shut down for X amount of months, I don't know when we should reopen. I'm not an expert. I don't know jack shit. But I do appreciate when someone like our governor seems like a leader and is on television and he's making a choice and he's making a choice based on wanting more people to be able to stay alive. Yeah.

I'm all for that. I'm all for it too. All those things are great for all of us. But I just, I hate the fact that there's Democrats and that there's Republicans. I hate it. I hate it. I hate the fact that there's these groups because it just leaves open this, like, I had a friend.

He's a really nice guy. And when we were on this, we worked together on the set and he was so into Apple, so into Apple products. He was talking about when the new Apple laptops comes out, you know, we're going to shove it in Microsoft's face. And it was like all this team shit. I was like, like bro you got team shit for the operating system of your computer that's how that's how that's so that's how we are man it doesn't have to be of something that's important because politics are important right the way we treat each other is important policy

is important the way uh the standards of how we accept the leader of this great nation, the way he communicates, all that stuff is important, right? That is real. But it's also to break it down into two sides is so dumb. It opens up the possibility for tribalism. Oh, definitely. The same thing as like fucking iPhone versus Android.

People are ready to stab each other. At my son's school, they won't let you wear superhero stuff because it can create clicks. Because if you're like, I'm Spider-Man people, I'm Batman people and then you can create that. DC versus Marvel. When I was a comic book head, it was all about Marvel comics versus

DC. I was a Marvel guy. My was all about Marvel comics versus DC I was a Marvel guy my friends were DC guys and they were fucking losers you're a loser if you like DC but that's just a natural part of human beings we have to recognize all that will still be like you wear glasses I don't

wear glasses you know it's also I'm from Jersey I'm from Boston you know all that shit it's like come on it might be cute but to hang on to it if you if you get some benefit out of it if you're proud to be from brooklyn that's great but you're just a person and this this is the only way to look at each other the only way to look at each other is based on the individual and it's just hard to do. It's natural to separate people by political biases, by what part of the country they're from.

It's natural. It's fucking, it's a part, but we don't have to do it anymore. We don't have to. It's a trap. There's a trap that robs you of your perspective and it lumps you in

with a bunch of other assholes. You know? Like, there's some women that are like all girl powered out you know like listen there's a lot of girls that are amazing but there's a lot of girls that will you don't want them on your team you know they do bad shit you don't want casey anthony on your team let's just stop this all girl all boy shit let's stop all left all right it's all fucking nonsense and we we haven't figured it out yet for some reason.

We're still dependent upon two parties. We're still dependent upon two philosophies, conservative or liberal. Different parts of the country. Oh, these are red states. Like, oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, the coloring of states. Has that always been a thing?

It's a trap. When did that start? I don't remember red states and blue states when I was a kid. It's a fucking trap. It's all a trap? It's a trap. But when did that start? I don't remember red states and blue states when I was a kid. It's a fucking trap. It's all a trap. It's a trap. So what's the alternative, though? I don't know.

I'm a moron, bro. So that's the thing. Whenever I hear people say, everything is there, what are we supposed to do? So what's the alternative? I think multiple parties. I believe Holland. Doesn't Holland have like seven political parties or some shit? How is that working out?

Well, they have legal weed, or they tolerated weed long before us. You used to be able to buy mushrooms at cafes. Oh, shit. Why'd they stop? I think people start tripping too hard. I did mushrooms one time. One time? I shit on this dude's couch.

Did you tell me this story? I think I you last night on a white couch this is crazy i should say his name and i ain't gonna give him that platform that's a rough rough moment that's a rough moment that's crazy if he sees this he'll be pissed though he's fucking laughing but so that's another example of, like, what do you do? Because people are so... That's my only question. Like, when atheists say you shouldn't believe in God. I don't believe in that either. I don't think they're right.

What's the alternative? And, like, you can't... Yeah, no, you're right. You can't tell people what to believe in. The thing about atheism versus religion is like, what is the overall benefit? If you get an overall benefit out of believing in a higher power and it forces you to act in a more harmonious way, so you sure that's not good? Are you sure that's not good? Because there's a lot of religious people that because of those religious principles, they live very ethical and moral lives. So is it an overall net benefit for them to be involved in a religion? It seems like there's an argument that it could be.

But then is there also an argument for being objective about some of those stories that seem crazy, like guys coming back from the dead and walking on water and yeah when i went to notre dame we had we all had to take theology class and we had a nun who told us that everything in the bible was a symbol it was a symbol so someone is old they're just saying that no one lived to be 800 that just means what they have to say is important oh right right right like 72 virgins do you know that idea of when you blow yourself up yeah it's not doesn't really mean it's a symbol yeah it means like a million versions like i'm saying i get a hundred million billion it's like yeah it's a lot you're saying that that's an important task for you to yeah important belief for tenant and that resonate i understood

that and um so that's how i i perceive it as, like, it's not a literal thing, which kind of makes it kind of cool, you know, just as an artistic choice. Oh, because, like, in notebooks, some people were upset that I did some – I would go to black and white and then go to color. But the reason for doing that is whenever we talked about the past, we would go to black and white. And then whenever we talked about the present, we would come back to color. That's like a dream, right?

Yeah. Like a dream state. Yeah, and I thought it was like a cool choice. Remember the color footage like some of it was all over the place too it was like let's do the black and white for the past and then so it was good yeah yeah cuz well the correction is also like expensive so it was like let's let's try to keep the cost down as well so that's why that was the choice so if you go back you know smoke one then watch it again you'll see whenever we talk about anything in the past it's all black it's black and white and back in the color when

it's present dude what's it gonna be like going on stage when you haven't gone on stage in a month oh my god i was just thinking about how weird is that gonna be everybody gonna seem like open micers what's the longest stretch you've ever gone without doing i can't even i that's a damn oh i know i can tell you. Eight months. But it was when it was really early. I bombed so hard. I was afraid. Eight months?

Eight months, but it called me back, and I went back up. Eight months is a good stretch. I was 19. I was 19. And the next time I went on stage, I was 20. And I was funny again,

and it was back in me. Oh, good. And that was my... I wanted to get off again for eight months. But as a professional, the longest I've ever gone, I couldn't. I would say I would be lying if I tried to think of, I don't know. Those shows are going to be lit.

Do you know how crazy the comic store is going to be when this motherfucker opens up again? Do you know how crazy it's going to be? It's going to be crazy. Woo! Yo, last time I was on here, I broke my phone, basically, from the textowen.com joint. Oh, I told you not to check that out. Man, it was good shit, though. And so it still exists.

I talk to those people all the time, and it's been great. Beautiful. Cass is like, yeah, it's pretty powerful. One guy told me the other day he uses my clips to help the morale of his troops, and it, like, floored me. Like, I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, man. And I've been sending I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, man. I sent them notebooks first,

so they got to see the trailer first, and I was getting feedback and stuff. It was cool. People think it's a robot. It's really me. Go to texthorn.com. I be doing that shit, man. I be talking to you.

That's nice. But yeah, it was dope, man. It worked out. So thank you, man. Beautiful. My pleasure. But I but i was gonna set up some dates and then uh i know yeah well we talked about i want to go with you yeah i want to go people will ask me are you coming here with joe you come here i was like i don't know yeah we're gonna do some hopefully when we're allowed to i have a couple dates booked um at the end of the year i don't even know if they're gonna be able to do them i'm supposed to be at the forum oh shit november 1st yeah i don't know i want to do year. I don't even know if they're going to be able to do them. I'm supposed to be at the forum on November 1st.

Yeah. I don't know. I want to do that one. I don't even know if it's real. It's down the street. But I think that the governor has said 2021 for concerts and shit. That makes sense.

I don't know, man. And they say it might be like six. It might be people separated. I'm going to be so mad if all you need is vitamin C. I know, right? I'll be so mad if some doctor comes out

like 10 years from now and is like, if everybody took just 4,000 milligrams of vitamin C a day, that's all you need. There's no viruses. And you're good. 4,000 grams of vitamin C

and don't be a dick. I don't know what stops it. What can strengthen your immune system and what can't? Do you know? Yeah. Is that real? Well, as an expert, I would say, I don't know about your immune system and what can't? Do you know? Yeah. Is that real? Well, as an expert, I would say.

I would say I don't know about your immune system because that's kind of like your pelvis. You can't strengthen that shit. I don't think that's true, though. Can you strengthen your pelvis? Your immune system. Oh, your immune system? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes. I think you can strengthen it by food. You can't strengthen your pelvis, like the bones themselves? I don't know, man. You ever see those dudes Do that fuck exercise Yeah I see that shit all the time They're gonna be doing

A fuck exercise I'm like Isn't that Strengthen your pelvis Listen If she's 150 Yeah

But if she's like 380 Son Oh yeah That's too big I can't do it She's gotta give up Sugar and carbs

Right I think You can strengthen Your immune system By what you put in your body. 100%. Especially over 40. I think. Like when I was doing raw food, I didn't get sick at all.

At all. Why'd you stop? Socially. Socially it's tough. No. Forgot being sick. Wanted to go back to it. My boys were teasing me like, yo, it'll take you 48 hours to make a pancake, son.

I had a dehydrator. I had a dehydrator. I still have it. I dehydrate fruit and stuff for my kids. Did you have to, when you were doing that, did you have to in any way supplement your protein? Were you eating pea protein? No, because that's a myth. That's the whole thing.

It's all in what you choose to believe about protein. But they were like, you can get protein from greens. So yeah. You certainly can. So that was kind of like... No, you can get protein from it. You just yeah. You certainly can. So, that was kind of like. No, you can get protein from it. You just don't get the same amount. No. And it's not as bioabsorbable.

Exactly. But then there's the question of like how much protein do you really need? That's the big debate. Yeah. That's the big debate. Yeah. It's kind of like with bacon. You remember when bacon was like dying and then somebody came up with make it like you

have to have it on burgers. And they did these campaigns. Is that what they did? Then bacon like came out. Yeah. Well, they were they were people were really messing with it then they well people thought bacon was bad for you for a long time like they thought those fats were bad for you and so like the idea of having bacon is delicious but it's gonna kill you like you're gonna have a heart attack choking on that piece of bacon everybody thought that um there was a that dr. Shawn Baker, that carnivore MD guy, he wrote something about a study.

There's something about a study that was released on people who don't eat meat and the correlation between mental disorders and anger issues and sadness. There's some, I don't know if I might have made part of that up, but there's something about it. Like people who just, who don't eat meat that have some mental issues. Come on, man. That's what it said. Well, people who don't eat meat, they always say you take on. Can you find that, Jamie?

The stress of the animal. Bro, I'm just talking about science. We're just talking about science here. I don't know. I'm a scientist. Listen, what people eat and what people believe are very personal things, right? Food and religion. And politics. You want to clear a room.

Isn't that crazy? It didn't used to be. The eat part is recent. It's recent, right? Everybody ate everything up until 30 years ago. Everybody ate everything. But that's because I believe we didn't have to we had a smaller population

so to stretch it you don't know like the milk my mom drank is not the same milk that we're drinking so because you gotta feed more people

more people are drinking milk so that's part of it for sure another part of it is they wanna make more money you know they wanna be able to make more milk

be able to pump it out quicker pump it out quicker yeah Pump it out quicker. Yeah, so it's... I'm going to tell you, man. Plus, when I used to drive all over the country, I never saw two cows fucking. Ever? I always see cows.

Don't see them fucking. And everybody eating. I was like, that can't all be cow, man. They not making enough. These motherfuckers just be standing around. You're pissing it on the most ridiculous science. Like I drove by and never saw anybody fucking. It's not real.

It's not real. The earth is flat. That's not meat. It looks flat to me. Yes. Meat and mental health. A systemic review of abscintation, depression, anxiety, and related phobias. So what's he saying?

Yeah. Okay. The majority of studies, especially of higher quality studies, show that those who avoided meat consumption had significantly higher rates or risk of depression, anxiety, and or self-harm behaviors. There was mixed evidence for temporal relations, but study designs and a lack of rigor precluded inferences of casual relations. One study does not support meat avoidance as a strategy to benefit psychological health well yeah because our study you beat yourself you beat yourself up you have you do feel guilty if you ever live a whole life of eating meat and then you try not to eat meat and then you go damn so then you go crazy no i don't know i don't understand the whole

crazy part but i get you feeling guilty and it's tough, man. It's tough to change your diet. Yeah. Eating that way is not supported. It's starting to get more supported. Eating raw, you mean? No, nobody really says that. Like eating vegan, you mean? Yeah, vegan, the whole vegan industry, the Beyond Meat world, and it's not soy.

It's made of pea protein. All of that stuff is like this stock went through the roof yeah yeah the the thing the thing that freaks me out the most about the animal kingdom is not just that we are able to justify stuffing as many as we can into a warehouse and making them shit on top of each other and then eating them. That's just one crazy thing about it. The other crazy thing about it is what they do to each other. Man, I'm obsessed with wildlife videos, like wildlife videos where animals are eating animals. Every day I watch a cheetah take out some kind of a gazelle or a crocodile, ate someone's dog.

I watched the other day in Australia. The dog pulled up, and these people are screaming at the top of their lungs, and the crocodile gets their dog, snaps, and just drags them into the water, and they are fucking screaming and crying. I am fascinated by that what fascinates you about this just all of it well it's what we're doing is fucked up for sure but what they're doing to each other is fucked up too it's just a different kind of fucked up they're fucked up as instantaneous right like they need an animal they find it they bite it

with their face they drag it into the water they eat it and swallow it and that's they're fucked up and we just kind of accept that as a part of nature right our fucked up is weird our fucked up is we've figured out metal and boxes and we figured out cages and we stuffed that chicken in this fucking little box and make them shit on the other chicken and we figured it out we figured out how to do whatever the fuck we want if you want eggs for a dollar a dozen that's what it's going to take in order for this company to make any fucking money So they just they figured out how to do it, you know when I saw this video It started really making sense to me. I saw this video of baboons that were raising puppies

Yeah, bro. It's crazy These these baboons that steal these dogs and then keep these puppies. They keep them nearby the camp because the puppies will bark whenever things are coming close. So they feed them. They keep them nearby, and they basically have pets. So these baboons, there's a crazy video. These baboons just grab this puppy by its leg. They're rough with them.

They don't have any idea of compassion. So they don't give a fuck. They're banging this puppy off rocks and shit, dragging him behind them. And then just set him. The puppy's trying to get away and he's like sit the fuck down and he gives him some food and the baboon's just hanging out with this puppy and then raises it and then uses these dogs that they stole to guard the perimeter what yes yeah so animals do weird like why didn't they just eat the puppy? Right? No.

Because it wanted a pet. Animals do weird shit too. There's just a bunch of systems that are trying to compete against other systems. Like the deer system versus the mountain lion system. The deer system is we just got to keep fucking and keep moving. There's these big things and if they fuck too much and there's too many of them and not enough of us, we're done. We got to just keep fucking and keep moving. And the mountain lion system is every day I got to kill a deer with my face.

Every day I got to find one. I got to sneak up and get close enough to this fast-ass thing with swords growing out of its head to grab him by the neck and drag him down into the woods. These systems, they're all horrific outcomes. Right. Predator and prey systems. All of them are horrific. All of them are horrific. It's just a new kind of horrific.

We also like outlive all of those other things. Oh, we outlive the fuck out of them. So we know real guilt. Yeah. You kill someone when you're four. Do you really even understand what you just did? Right, and your life expectancy is seven. Right.

Yeah. Do you really understand? A four-year-old lion has probably killed a million things. I'm out in three years, guys. Did you watch Tiger King? Did you watch any of that? My wife and I tried to watch it. It's not what we—we can give a fuck about that shit, man.

We heard, God dang it, dang it. It was like, another time. Not during the quarantine. I need shit to be okay for me to, like, enjoy it. But it seemed hilarious because they opened the, with the call saying that that lady, you're going to want to prosecute that lady. I was like, yeah, all right, I'm in.

And then it just, it just wore me out, man. Way to wear you out. Yeah. It wore me out. So I think when happier times, I'd totally be all into that.

I'm serious. Like I literally, it's in my queue. I'm going back. It's just, it's a good show for the apocalypse. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it represents the folly of human beings. What we could be at our most preposterous, you i mean but a gay guy who raises tigers and marries straight guys right right they all do math and shoot guns one guy accidentally shoots himself in the head the other guy decides he's not gay what what what this is madness is a wild-ass show of real people. And you really couldn't make something like that fake. Maybe, like, the Coen brothers could do it.

You know, the old brother where art thou type deal. They could kind of create somebody like Joe Exotic. But it's almost, like, better because it's real. It's real. It's better. Yeah, because if it was you, that couldn't happen. Yeah, and the other guy runs a sex cult, and then Carol and her husband, her husband's dressed up with a rope around his neck.

He went missing. I hear this guy went missing. The first husband went missing. Oh, no big deal. I mean, she definitely didn't do it. It's not like she feeds meat to cats every fucking day, and he was worth millions. Whatever, whatever. No, no, no. I don, she definitely didn't do it. It's not like she feeds meat to cats every fucking day and he was worth millions. Whatever, whatever.

Nah, nah, nah. I don't know where he is. Carol fucking Baskin. Yeah. God damn, what a show. Do you think you could marry somebody whose first husband went missing? Oh my God. Do you think you would sign up for that?

Well, the kind of guy that would be into that there's some guys that would be into that they're similar to like girls who like get into serial killers oh right there's girls that are really they they like email serial killers and they're in love with them they want to marry them oh oh after they're caught oh yeah i thought you were talking about like right when they were like, in their prime out there. I think there's a weird... Obsession with that. It's a small percentage of the people. I've got high and thought about this.

Yes. I think it has to do... I'm thinking about it for the first time now. Would I? With back in the day, if you were a murderer, if you could befriend a murderer, you would be more protected. Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah. As you know, someone who is ruthless. Because they've done it before. They won't punk out if something, if we need to survive. They won't fall apart. Well, that's what women are, I think a lot of women are really terrified of

is if confronted with real adversity, how will their man hold up? Like if you're a woman and you weigh 90 pounds and you have a husband that's twice your size, like literally a 180-pound human, that's normal. That happens all the time. But if he's a bitch and he folds and you're left there, like, oh my God, no one's going to stop anything from happening to me or stop anything from saying rude things to me and fuck you're not protected and there's mean people out there right if you're a woman you stumble into some mean people that are saying rude lurid shit to you and no one's

there to protect you and you get you gotta walk back to your car and you're wondering holy fuck you gotta get you know that sounds like a fun game show. Did you marry a bitch ass? We have three husbands. Unfortunately, we'd be causing a lot of divorces with that show. Oh, man. There's dudes out there that don't even know that they're bitches because they haven't really been tested. They don't know. That's true.

And I think most people believe they're going to do way better than they will. Yeah. In real times of struggle, I think most people believe they're going to do way better than they actually will. Which takes me back to that boxing ring in the club. Everybody thought they could. But that's a different thing, right? That's like a guy with technique. Yeah.

If you got a guy with technique in front of you and you don't know how to box, you're fucked. You're fucked. Yeah. If you got a guy with technique in front of you and you don't know how to box, you're fucked. You got like a few seconds to get lucky as you charge and maybe you might clinch and throw a punch that connects and hurt him. It's possible. Maybe, but it's not very likely. It's more likely you're going to get boxed up.

Yeah. Yeah. And jujitsu is even worse. In jujitsu, it's 100% because there's no lucky shots. You ever break a bone practicing? Yeah, I broke my foot, my rib, my hand. My nose was destroyed. I broke my nose so many times that my nose was useless.

It was useless. It didn't work. I only had like one quarter of one nostril that was open and I had a nasally tone to me I didn't realize I was listening to and watching an old Fear Factor once other than my horrifying choice of wardrobe and Inescapable accent that I still had I Was hearing how nasally my voice was because I couldn't breathe out of my nose. It was useless Broke so rib had two ACL surgeries from Mark Warshaw. Two ACL surgeries? Yeah, I blew out both knees.

That's it, though. That's not too bad. When you do jujitsu, and particularly most people just accept the fact that there's a possibility of injury. It's like it could happen. You could go a year without getting injured or right it's not like going and taking a yoga class where you're probably pretty safe it's too much random wild shits happening where people trying to kill each other you know they'll tell you that part but this I was gonna sign up for you just you'd be great at it what Would I? Yeah, you're so big. How tall are you?

6'5". You have long-ass arms, dude. You choke the fuck out of people. All the leverage. Yeah. Yeah, the leverage from your arms and your legs would be so spectacular. How would it transform me as a human being? Oh, you would lose a lot of weight, and you would gain a shit ton of confidence. Yeah.

You would just have to go about it very technically. The thing that I... When I started, I was I was younger and dumber okay and I went at it like aggressively like I went at other martial arts when I was younger like I just wanted to do them as hard as I could as fast I could what you just do really it's about technique and the more strength you have one of the problems is you could substitute technique for that strength.

Like the best jujitsu players, the guys to learn from the best are the guys who are small humans. They're smaller people. Like Eddie Bravo is a smaller guy. It's one of the reasons why he's such a great instructor. Hoyler Gracie is another famous super technical jujitsu guy who's a smaller guy. There's like a series of guys like that all over the country. And Jeff Glover is another one. These smaller guys

because they're smaller, they have to rely on this spectacular technique so you learn from them. So you never really want to rely on your strength. It'll stop you from getting better in fact. It'll stop you from achieving the perfect, the right technical level. So you just keep

getting better and better at it. And then when you get to a certain point, like if you're in a fight with a guy, like a wild fight, and a guy just knows how to throw a punch and he's fast and he's a strong guy, he might punch you and he might fuck you up. It might happen.

It can happen. Whenever you're throwing knuckles with people, especially in a chaotic environment, it's possible. Here's what's not possible. I don't care who you, if you don't know how to grapple at all and someone like Hoist Gracie clinches you and

drags you to the ground, you're a fucksville. You're fucksville 100% of the times. 100. One, zero, zero. You're fucksville. You're fucksville. He's going to choke you 100% of the time. And he'll do that to people that know jujitsu so when you

get to a point like a guy like hicks and gracie or my instructor john jock manchato he can do that to people that are experts in jujitsu so there's like so many levels it's a crazy thing to learn and you're built for it man being so tall and long yeah also you're a smart dude who like you say you like economics. He's like figuring, well, if this happens and that happens, that's the same. Jiu-jitsu is just like that. Yeah. Helston Gracie was another famous jiu-jitsu practitioner.

He was asked to describe jiu-jitsu. And he's like, I'm going to paraphrase this or I might fuck it up. He said it was basically like I move and then you move and then I move and then you move forever. Forever. That was his description of jiu-jitsu. I'm like, oh, my God. So if you realize how good Helson is, that it becomes a terrifying expression because it's like eventually I'm going to get you, bitch. You're going to fuck up.

You're going to get tired. You're going to be using too much strength and you'm going to get you, bitch. You're going to fuck up. You're going to get tired. You're going to be using too much strength, and you're going to get exhausted. Just like those boxers that were throwing punches, and then they'd get tired, and the other guy would piece them up. But it's going to be even more horrific because you're never going to be able to accomplish anything. You're just going to slowly wear out. The guy's just going to keep attacking you, and you keep pushing him off you, and he's going to keep attacking you, and you keep exploding, and he's going to keep attacking you. And eventually, you're going to get tired. And then he's just going to dominate you.

He's just going to control you. You'd be great at it, dude. It'd be good for you. Yeah, it'd be really good for you. All right. Would I have to be in there with kids when I first started? They're going to put you in the women and kids class. Getting all jacked up.

Here's how strong Jiu-Jitsu is. There was a woman named, she still exists, her name is Felicia Oh. She's a friend of mine. She's a black belt from John Jock Machados. She's super technical. And she weighs, Felicia's very strong, but she weighs about maybe 135 pounds. And there was a guy named Seymour Butts. And Seymour Butts was a porn star who had a TV show on Showtime.

And he had this idea, pretty bold of him, really. He's brave to do this. He just decided I'm gonna do like a jujitsu match. I've never taken jujitsu before, but I'm gonna spar with a woman and see what happens. And this girl just fucked him up.

But she's elite, man. She's really good. She's really good. She teaches me. She's really good. Yeah, she teaches people. She also works for the California State Athletic Commission, so I get to see her at UFC events oftentimes when they're in California. She's awesome. But she's super technical.

So this guy, he was doomed. He just didn't know. He was a guy. He's in really good shape. He's young and fit and pretty good body. She's this bitch. She's just choking him and leg locking him and i don't know what she did to him i don't remember how many times she tapped him and what

she did it with but it was like arm bars and triangles but again that would happen to any man right who didn't know anything and went with her so even though she's a woman yeah just the technical expertise it overcomes strength it's so for a guy like you who's a very cerebral person who likes these sort of puzzles and figures things out it's one of the reasons why your comedy is so good you're excellent at like economy of words and setting things up in a mysterious way and then dropping punch lines in that's jujitsu it's they're similar i like that i think there's a similar. I like that. I think there's a lot of things like that in this life that are similar. There's little things that you learn,

like little ways to move around things and advance through these games and systems. And you can apply that to all these other different things. And you can apply it even to comedy. Yeah, that's what I was just thinking. We were talking about another approach. But that's what i was i was just thinking like when we were talking we were talking about another approach but that's that's that's what i got from notebooks too just how everybody approaches we have the same goal to make somebody laugh but we approach it differently yeah that's something that's so enticing to me like how everyone approaches the craft in their own way i was super awkward when i first started out because I didn't have any background really in anything performing arts related or even music.

You know, so I was super awkward in how to present myself and how to dress and how to act. Yeah. Yeah, because people who have knowledge of that, they do have a different level of execution. Yeah. And like I know people who can sing sing they say things in like a more memorable way like you would just remember it but they're not technically trying to sing yeah you know like you remember their phrases or their hooks or whatever it is you know because this is like a musicality to their performance you just you you know that's the

thing you figure out too yeah is that it's not just and this is something with podcasts i think as well it's not just the words it there's something to how you say the words and some people are not good at that and you don't think of it as being an important part of the you kind of ignore it because you're concentrating on writing or you're concentrating on whatever your look but there's a there's a thing in how you say the words that gets into people's brains better yes then if you're clunky you know and you i've been clunky we've all been clunky when you listen to old recordings you know there's moments where you're like oh yeah well it's it's a lot of times because you're trying to figure out the best way to do it on the spot in real life.

And that shit takes, especially with a complicated bit, shit can take a long time to work out the details. Yeah, especially with, yeah, especially, yeah, the more personal you are, too. Yeah. But when you get it, it's nothing more magical. That's the best. When you get it. I don't want to say this bit either. I don't want to say this bit either I don't want to tell your bit

but your bit about your son about naming your son adopting a white kid the white baby bit it is a fucking it's one of those bits where you just go god damn

like when someone builds a beautiful house you just go oh shit look at that man wow I should put that out

if we we gotta do something with it, man. We got to do something, man. When everything gets rolling again, I think we all need to realize, like, hey, you can't wait for shit. No. Because this can happen. Now that we know that this could happen, it doesn't even feel real. Here we are.

We know it's real. Right. Right? We know it's real. We know you just got an antibody test. We know we can't really go anywhere. We can't go to restaurants. Everything's closed.

No comedy. We know it's real, but it still doesn can't go to restaurants. Everything's closed. No comedy. We know it's real, but it still doesn't feel real. Doesn't feel real. That's how weird life is. Yeah. In the moment, baby. You don't know what's next. You don't know what's next.

In the moment. In the moment. Welcome to In the Moment with Owen and Joe. Welcome. We exist through funding, so please contact our website. Funding. Into the moment. Into the moment. to the moment into the moment there's a that's a style of uh radio that you would get i was when i was delivering newspapers i would

listen to uh all things i think it was all things yeah i think it was something on npr and uh national public radio and they were so calm yeah the way they would talk yeah it was so calm i don't know if it was all things considered if I listen to that later I feel like that was way later but it was a whatever it's it yeah whatever those old-school type of talk radio that's what I knew I was ready to get married when I like listening to talk radio when I'm ready to just when I want to hear people talk, I'm ready for a wife. Bro, nobody gets more riled up

than white dudes who listen to conservative talk radio. Oh, man. Damn. Those Michael Savage fans, those kind of guys. Rush Limbaugh.

There's something about, how did that happen? Let's think about how that happened. Like, how did that, how did that one genre, yeah, that hardcore hardcore right wing like we did

that real angry it's like anger radio it's like alt comics yeah yeah yeah like alt radio yeah they decided it's like a genre of music like you know how there's like hardcore rap yeah there's metal yeah you know there's like all this right wing talk yeah it's like it really is right it kind of is and left-wing talk to like NPR here welcome welcome to our show yeah we're gonna tell you about a new scientific experiment that shows that there are no such thing as genders and then right wing gender is a construct yeah there's a way that they talk there's a calmness to the way they explain things and lay things out that make you seem like there's no ambiguity ambiguity there's no question whether or not they're right yeah and here's why and this is and then they always ask for money yes coronavirus did not come from a lab it's a

dangerous conspiracy and here's why. And here's why. We talk to, and then I always have an expert. Are you sure? I like it, man. It's calming. I'm into it. Makes you feel good.

I'm into it. Because I grew up listening to my favorite is like hip hop stations because they're always very excited. Right. Put your hands up. Like all that. And I love that energy too. But then you get to an age where you're like, I just want to hear some people just talking.

Just talk normal voice. Yeah. Just talk normal, quiet, I want to fuck you voice. That's what that really is. I want to fuck you voice, but I'm low key about it. Hello. Yes. Hello.

Yes. I love wine. I want to show an NPR. What's your favorite region? I would do one. If I had to show an NPR, would you do it? Would I do it? I'd be a guest.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, good. We're talking to Joe Rogan here. And I would purposely- We could do like an onion version of NPR. I love it, man. Because I'm a sucker. I'm all in.

All animals are equal. Yeah. All. We've talked to some animals and we've gotten them. We feel like they're all equal. I do want to do a parody of an NPR show. Because now they play like dramatic music and shit. Do they?

When they tell stories. And you'll be listening to it, and then they'll be like, and then. No, no, I'm confusing with The Daily. Well, Radio Lab. Isn't Radio Lab an NPR show? Is Radio Lab put together by NPR? Mike Barbaro and The Daily, his show, man. They be playing that dramatic music.

Oh, yeah? And then Trump. Is it good? I love it. I love it. Yeah, Whitney just told me about The Daily. She's posting something about it. Here are three things you need to know.

What's up? Technically, WNYC. I don't know if that's NPR. All right. WNYC was the fake radio station of NewsRadio. Yeah, I'm into it. When I was on that NewsRadio sitcom. New York Public Radio, so it's not national public so it's not

NPR but it's something like that it's some kind of public radio cousins yeah that's that's a great show you ever listen to radio lab no holy shit I said I get angry at Brian count cuz you tell me something as if he had gotten it from a book. And I go, bitch, I listen to that same Radiolab. He would try to hit me with some scientific facts about what happened in World War II. I go, I listen to Radiolab too, bitch. Stop. And he'd go, damn it. And I'd go, Brian, why are you pretending you read?

Right, pretending to be smart. I say read, and I really mean listen. Right, the books. I was wondering, I was going to ask you that. Can you say that technically? I do. I lie. It's a lie.

It's a dirty lie. It's in there. I read this book. I never cracked a fucking page. Hilarious. This is the book on Charles Manson, the CIA. This guy, Tom O'Neill, I had him on the podcast last week. Bro, this guy spent 20 years researching this book.

20 years. It's the craziest story just of how the book got created, but the story itself is bonkers. They think that Charles Manson was a CIA asset and that they had let him get away with being released from parole. He was on parole and he got arrested They just let him out of jail like multiple times and they had This the same LSD studies that they were running and hate Ashbury in San Francisco He went to that same clinic the people that did mind control That were a part of MK ultra that were feeding people LSD and trying to control their mind and manipulate their psychology

They're all connected to him and they kept letting him go they want they were studying him They wanted to see they wanted to diminish the hippie movement and they want to study what it's like when you get some fucking madman Who's spent half of his life in penitentiary and you give him a ton of LSD and then fuck all the hippies he wants Holy shit, dude It's a nutty book, man. Oh, wow. It is nutty. And he details it all.

There's more than 50 pages of references at the end of this book. Citations and references. It's all heavily documented. It's crazy. Is it going to be a movie? That one fucked you up, Jamie. That one fucked me up. I'm still listening to the book.

I'm on chapter 11, 12, I think. Just got through all the MKUltra stuff. Jesus Christ. It's crazy. Did you get through the one where he was discussing about the guy who they think they fed LSD to and programmed him to go kill that kid? Oh, shit. Did you get that one?

He talked about it on the podcast. I might be right there. Yeah. Fuck. I'm hearing some of that stuff now. Dude. That's crazy. They did all kinds of experiments on people in the 60 might be right there. Yeah. Fuck. I'm hearing some of that stuff now. Dude. That's crazy. They did all kinds of experiments on people in the 60s and 70s.

They just tried shit on people, man. They still probably doing it today. What do you think? Well, we were showing a video of these British soldiers from 1964 that they gave acid to, and they just let them run around the field with fucking guns and they're laughing and falling down and giggling and shit. And you can watch the video. There's a video. It's online.

Do you fuck with acid? I have. But I'm not taking it with a gun. With a bunch of other troops. Not only that, you're relying on those guys to keep it together on acid with a gun. In the hot sun or wherever. Oh, fuck that.

Yo, man. How good is this Mike Tyson weed? It's amazing. This is the stoned Owen Smith. Look at you. I know, man. Yo, I'm stoned on the internet, baby. It's legal.

It's legal. We're in California. Oh, my God. It's crazy. I just thought of my mom watching this. Oh, no. Tell her you're not breaking the law. It's the I just thought of my mom watching this oh no tell her you're not breaking the law it's the same as having whiskey

isn't it funny it's like the whiskey part no problem right this is great man as soon as you bust out the weed they're like

what are they doing it's really good it's really good so what's your estimation of when we're gonna get out of this if you had to guess next year

next year yeah cause I think it's gonna be out and then the resurgence. Like it'll be a second wave? Yeah, yeah, next year. I feel like this time next year. That dude who said we have all been vaccinated. Yeah, what's that mean?

I wish I knew. What's he talking about? I wish I knew he was joking around or not. I mean, he might have been. What vaccine? I'm pretty adamant that he wasn or not. I mean, he might have been. What vaccine? Yeah. I'm pretty adamant that he wasn't, but I'm an idiot. He might have been joking around.

It didn't sound like he was joking around. It didn't sound like he had a command of it. It didn't sound like he was joking around, but I don't know that dude's personality. Right? That might be that thing that he does. You know what I mean? Like, Callan does a lot of that. Yeah, he does do that.

Callan will say jokes that sound like statements. Yeah. He does that all the time. You know? He mean? Like, Callan does a lot of that. Yeah, he tells you that. Callan will say jokes that sound like statements. He does that all the time. You know? He's a funny. I don't know. I don't know either. So you think next year? Yeah, man.

I mean, like you said, though, too, because, like, what's next? You know? Is there going to be a gap between what this is and what's next? Yeah. Provided that there is nothing next, I feel like, next year. Just because even how they're talking about how you can go to concerts, but you're still up six feet apart. Right.

And that's not going to stop by the end of this year. That's going to be something that, you know, unless they do come up with a vaccine. Or some sort of a really, really efficient treatment, right? Like some sort of treatment. Yeah. And, and, but I do think it, I mean, they're hinting at saying it helps if you're healthier,

if you do work out and all the things that we as a collective society should have been doing, you know, may start to take precedence. So, but I feel like as far as what our livelihood is concerned about performing in front of people again, I feel like next year, because it's two-sided, it's us wanting to be on stage and then the audience feeling safe

being there. Jesus. So I think it's going to be. Next year. How many people are going to fall apart? How are comics going to make a living? Like guys who are doing the road, like middle acts. That's a great question. I know, man. Like we don't know yet.

Right now everybody's sort of floating, right? Yeah. It's been a month and everybody's like, whoa. Yeah. Everyone's just sort of floating. Like what happens to those people that were, they had a system, they were doing good. Then all of a sudden the rug gets pulled out from under them. I don't know.esus i thought if i

got you high you'd have all the answers i do have i have some answers but what they need to do brother joe yeah i think they i didn't think of that man sector checking it you can i don't know man people have you ever been contacted about doing anything online being funny online those things are preposterous I said I want to donate I want to donate

I'll give you money right I know they're trying to raise money I'll just give you money yeah how much do you need clusterfuck I'd love to do a show

once we were back I'll do shows for free I'd be happy to do that yeah I'd be happy to do a bunch of shows I want to be able to do that yeah I'd be happy to do a bunch of shows I want to be able to do that as well as

I like that donate I heard yeah I'd love to be able to if someone had a problem I'd love to be able to sell out the comedy store

and give them that money you know what I mean it's a nice feeling too because it's like there's shows that you do where you it benefits people

there's an extra nice feeling. So you get the nice feeling of the show, like doing your bits. The bits make everybody laugh. You get all that nice feeling. And then you get the nice feeling of that all went to a good thing. Of course. It feels great, man. Charity shows are like my favorite shows because of just the way they make you feel.

Like this is cool. We all got together, made some money for this charity, and had fun. And then it helps. The money goes to a good cause. We should do a lot of those, man. I'm down to do them all the time. We should do them. I should probably figure out one to do a week once we get cracking again.

Yeah, man. And just do one a week that's just a benefit for something. We'll figure something out. Yeah. The day I can sell out something off my name, I'm going to be doing that a lot. That's not going to be far as soon as people see. You're in a weird position, man, where you have this

incredible act, but people don't know it. I know. It's a sneaky thing. The hardest part is being funny. You've got that. You just spent so much time writing. Doing commercials. Yeah, but you spent so much time writing you know yeah doing commercials yeah well you spent so much time where you're in the machine and not just fully dedicated to being out there as

a comic what if somebody wants to what if a network wants to pick up notebooks should i do it or should i stay on youtube if they want to give you money do it okay but as long as there's enough money but you could definitely do whatever you want if it's on YouTube and it should probably make some money once people become more aware of it people start downloading a lot of them they're funny man it's like and it's also everybody's got something yeah from when they started and everyone can and it's good for people to see that you know people that you see

with like our full Netflix special now at one point in time were terrible garbage it's garbage I was garbage

but that's how you get better at it you gotta keep doing it and there's no other way around it that's one of the things that I like about it is in a lot of ways comedy is a real meritocracy yes like if people laugh if they enjoy your stuff

absolutely then it works and then it continues and you keep people keep coming to your shows you keep having fun yeah there's a reward to that kind of a thing yeah especially when you don't have any collaborators just putting it together yourself. Yeah. But now we'll appreciate it more. Yeah, that's very true. I appreciate it. I just hope the clubs will be here

when everything's said and done, you know? That's the real scary thing, is how many of these businesses are going to go under. They will exist after this. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's plan on doing a lot of free shows. I know. All right, let's wrap it up

it's been fun man always brother always Owen Smith TV on YouTube subscribe hit the notification shows called

the notebooks notebooks no ladies it's not like that movie that makes you cry like you can't even take that you can't even

take that name um yeah what is your all your instagram text owen.com to uh text me literally and then owensmith4real on everything else beautiful thanks sir always a pleasure my brother bye everybody bye Thank you.