The Joe Rogan Experience - #1463 - Tom Green

Episode Date: April 24, 2020

Tom Green is a comedian, actor, filmmaker, and talk show host. He is the host of the podcast "The Tom Green Podcast" available on Spotify. @Tom Green ​

The OG, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, Joe. You're the OG. Dude, we can give each other real knuckles. Come on. Don't be scared. Here we go. I'm not crazy.

I'm not like a paranoid person, but I'll tell you, Joe, you got me to leave my house for the first time in five weeks. I'm so happy you left, and I'm so happy you got tested. Yeah, the first time in five weeks that I've left the house, and yeah, I got tested, and everything's great, but I'm not paranoid or anything like that. Spray it down, baby. How bad is all this Lysol for us? This is a real question, right?

How bad is all this Lysol? Yeah, it'll be fine. Aerosol's probably not bad. But no, great to be here. Thank you for having me. And man, I haven't left my house in five weeks. I've been isolating as a responsible citizen, right? Yes.

Yeah. And I feel good. I feel, first of all, I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to have you here. I posted that. I've been going through my computers. I'm at home. I'm going through my computers.

And just killing time. I live alone, okay? I happen to be single at this point in my life. Ladies. There you go. Right before this happened. And I kind of think to myself sometimes I think, okay, imagine if I had been in a relationship that hadn't been going well and this happened. And then you have to make the decision to isolate with somebody.

I'm not in that situation. I'm home alone. decision to isolate with somebody. I'm not in that situation. I'm home alone. And I've been talking a lot to my friends on FaceTime, and I've been socializing, and I've been, you know, living life in this world, but alone in my house. I'm going through my computers, started going through old footage. I found that clip from when you came up to my house back in the day. And, yeah, I just saw this moment where – I'll jump right into this if that's cool. Sure. Because I saw this moment in the clip where we started talking about my old web show and you'd come up to my house back in the day. And it was so cool that you came up then.

And I remember at the time your website was like way advanced, right? Like it had all sorts of extra stuff on it that people weren't really doing on the web back then. And you came up and we just started talking about the web. That was because of my webmaster, Andrew Blevins. Shout out to Andrew. He's a wizard at web creating. So I was always really into web stuff. I had my website.

I started my website early when I was up in up in Canada and I was really thought that was cool and we started talking about what I was doing which was kind of crazy right and then you just started talking about you said you said uh what what what we got to do is figure out how we're going to make some money off this and I'm like yeah and I'm like going yeah I don't know yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'd been trying. I had been trying. I'd been going to advertisers and saying, they were like, what? What do you mean, the internet? But it's kind of funny.

I saw that clip. I thought, that's hilarious because not to blow too much smoke up your ass, but clearly you figured out how to make money off of it. And it was hilarious. I'm like, that's hilarious and prophetic moment. How can we make money off of it? Now we're here in this beautiful studio. It's incredible.

A few moments that really planted a seed in my head to do something like this online. Yours was a big one, being at your house and seeing how you had servers. You had full cables. Like, folks, this room is not as sophisticated as Tom Green's home was in 2007. That's how crazy it was. There was some weird stuff in there, yeah. But you had it set up like you had a whole internet service provider set up at your house. Like, you could have run like a network in 2007.

You had all those. You had that whole rack with all that equipment. I walked in that room and it's humming and I'm like, holy shit, dude. Those are the G-Raid drives. The G-Raid drives, yeah. I was like, this is crazy. This is your house. And folks, back then you had to have these cables that snaked through the house.

So everything was taped down. I was like, fuck, dude. This is like you literally turned your house into a set. Like it was much more like a set than anything I'd ever seen before outside of a set. There were lights screwed into the ceiling. Yeah. I kind of trashed my place. You even figured out how to take video calls from people.

That was exciting. Crazy. That was exciting. I had this. Yeah, there it is. Tom Green. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the TV on the wall.

Yeah. And there's my dog, Steve. Oh, poor Steve. Oh, and look, I don't have gray in my beard. Oh, look at that. You're a young man back then. This was probably around 2007, I guess. Yeah.

And that was the back corner of my living room there. It's a genius move. And you can see all the wires going up. See that? That's going up into the ceiling, up through the ceiling into the spare room, which I turned into the editing room. Look how crazy all this equipment is. Dude, you were so ahead of everybody.

That's actually a little later, actually. I'm looking at this now. This is later. This is after, because I can tell, because that's an actual, that's not the TriCaster. That's an actual television switcher. I forget what model. It's a Sony switcher. So you started with a TriCaster and a computer?

There was a thing called a video toaster system first. I had that for a year. Then we got the first version of the TriCaster. That's Victor, who was working on the show. He's stoked that I'm here today. I still talk to Victor quite a bit. Shout out to Victor. Victor, what's up?

So yeah, so that was a little later, but still kind of, you know, we're talking three years later or something. So 2010-ish. Yeah, exactly. Look at all your lighting and everything. You had done it where you had basically, instead of putting cameras in your house, you would turn your house into a studio. It was like legit. I remember thinking, oh my God.

Because Anthony Cumia had a kind of pretty high-tech setup in his basement. That was another inspiration. Yeah, yeah. Because he was doing that while he was doing Opie and Anthony, and they actually, his employers at the time, wanted him to stop doing it. They had decided somehow or another, he shouldn't be allowed to do an extra show.

He's like, but I'm just promoting the serious show. This is free. People can see it. It's fun. So Anthony would do karaoke with machine guns in front of green screen. And he's still kicking ass on the internet. Yes. Well, now he has his own network.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that guy. He's a unique dude. And he was great on Opie and Anthony. He was always really funny. And just like a comic, but he never did stand-up. Yeah.

It's really interesting. He's like the most comic-y comic guy that I've ever met that never did stand-up is Anthony Cumia. 100% could have been a great comic. 100%. I think sometimes people that, I mean, I'm just making this up right now, but I think sometimes people that have never done stand-up who do radio are afraid of it. Yeah, maybe.

Because it's a scary thing getting on stage in front of an audience if you've never done standup, who do radio, are afraid of it. Because it's like the audience, because they can, it's a scary thing getting on stage, in front of an audience if you've never done it before, but you get comfortable behind that mic. But anyways, yeah, man, it was so cool when you came up, because I remember like, I think there was like Entertainment Tonight was there that day or something like that, remember that? And you talked to them after.

That's right, that's right. And you left this, made this quote to them, and that went out, and it was defining what's happened in our world. What was that? You were just saying, you know, like, we don't need the advertisers anymore. We don't need the networks anymore. We can go straight to the advertiser.

I always... Is that video available anywhere? I think I saw it on the internet somewhere. That video of me saying that is kind of hilarious if you stop and think about how this internet stuff has played out since then. It's like, there was this pre-YouTube, right? Like, nobody was uploading to YouTube. You had to have your own TomGreen.com

set up. So I remember I got a call. This is one of those, like, you know, when you think back and you sort of kick yourself. You know, I was, it was, so, I mean, how far into the weeds do we want to get technically? I was, it's like people are like, who gives a fuck? Oh, there it is right there.

But here I was, I had the, that's the clip. Those are my backwards baseball hat days. So we were- Jamie's still in those days. We were hosting this stuff on this site called bitgravity.com. Ah. So we would upload our shit to that. Were those the guys from Denver? No, Bit Gravity isgravity.com. Ah. So we would upload our shit to that. Were those the guys from Denver?

Mm-hmm. No, Bit Gravity is San Francisco. Okay. San Francisco, and Barrett Lyon is... Did you do some stuff with some guys from Denver? That was sort of around the same time. They were... That was Mania TV.

Ah, right, right, right. And so they kind of... But what I did was Mania TV. Right, right, right. And so they kind of – but what I did was Mania TV was the only people that were really doing live streaming. And I said, hey, I want to build this TV studio. And they helped me build the studio. But I wanted to be autonomous of them as well. Right. So I got my own servers through this company, BitGravity, where they basically invented the technology to upload

video and then serve it out. So I would link that to my website, tongreen.com, completely autonomous of the other website, Mania TV. So it was some funny shit that happened there because I remember, I think back, I go, I really made a few mistakes. I go, I want all the stuff to be on my website, right? And then YouTube started. Oh, what's this? Oh, YouTube. Oh, that's cool.

They're doing a thing out of an apartment in San Francisco. I remember at one point somebody called me from YouTube and said, hey, man, we really like what you're doing with your thing. I'm like, oh, that's cool. Cool, man. Yeah, yeah. I'm kind of doing my own thing over here. Yeah, that's cool. I like what you're doing, too. And never really kind of connected with

them. Because I thought, I was thinking at the time, it's got to all be on your server, right? So you have those views. Not thinking, okay, we could have it out, spread it, send it out, just get the eyeballs on it. But it was exciting. It was an exciting time. Everybody thought that, though.

I mean, no one could have ever saw what YouTube had been or has become. Yeah. What's crazy about YouTube is that there's not another one. There's just YouTube. It's like there's Vimeo and a few other fairly popular video sites. Yeah. But it's like the XFL compared to the NFL or something like that. Yeah.

Not even. The XFL's done, right? Did they just go under? Yeah, done. Now it's like comparing the two of them. Because all those other video things, it's like, yeah, you'll get some views, but it's just YouTube, for whatever reason, captured, they have the market. It never became MySpace.

But imagine- Remember YouTube? Yeah. Something as simple as uploading video. Yeah. I mean, obviously it's complex, right? Like just being able to get it onto the website and make sure it streams

and all the technical stuff, super complex. But just the concept is pretty simple. You with your phone or a video camera, you film it, you can upload it. Like real simple. Anybody can do it. And then anybody all of a sudden can get views. Like that is amazing that one company has that locked up.

It's kind of crazy. Because you would think that like, boy, that is amazing that one company has that locked up. It's kind of crazy. Because you would think that, like, boy, that would be something that everybody would want to get involved in. Look how much money YouTube is making. Yeah, I haven't thought about that, but I guess the amount of advancement that happens every six months in technology, and they've got the funding to be able to stay right on top of it and just make it the strongest platform possibly. I don't know.

I don't know. Even Twitter. Like how'd they do that? There's like one Twitter. Yeah. I mean, there's Facebook and I guess people hold discussions on Instagram. But if I read one of the things that drives me crazy about Instagram was like if I go to your page and I'm reading one of your captions, someone will say something in response to someone.

They're like, hey, fuck you, dick boy or whatever. And then I try to click and find out what they were talking about. And I get to the beginning of the comments. And then I got to go through all the comments to try to figure this out. Like, why can't I just click? So do you do that? You get into the comments? On other people's shit?

Okay. Not your own, though? No. It didn't seem like fun. You've got to leave people to talk about you. Like, just go ahead. If you really get into it and start reading it, it's like, ugh, good and bad. Both of them are equally toxic.

The good you believe, the bad you're like, oh, my God, this guy hates me so much. It's a pretty good form of restraint, though, to not be curious and to go read. Well, you're always curious. The key is just not giving into it. It's just, listen, there's a lot of time in a day, but not if you spend it doing stupid shit. Those things are not beneficial. Most of them are a waste. Most of the reading comments or getting into it with people that's the big one when you see people

like arguing with fans and going back and forth like that is that is a trap you're only going to respond to the negative ones you know if you're responding to the positive ones and the negative ones people trying to get your attention some of them don't even mean what they're saying. They're just 15-year-old kids that want to rile you up. And it's like, is that a way to talk to people? The way to talk to people is like this. Hi, what's up? We're in front of each other.

That's how people talk when they're just being around people. This is how we're supposed to talk. All this other shit is too confusing for us. We don't know how to handle it. Yeah, and I've fallen into that confusing for us. We don't know how to handle it. Yeah. And I've fallen into that trap for sure. I've gone through sort of cycles of the way I handle comments. I've become an indiscriminate blocker, which is what I do now. The first sign of negativity is a boom. And I know some people say, oh, that's not very democratic, but whatever. The way I look at it is you create

an environment. I'm trying to create a positive environment on my social media. But the problem is, and what you're saying is making me second guess myself, to be honest with you, because I know I spend far too much time on that shit. And I'm thinking, man, I really should just not read that stuff. Time's precious. It's precious. Even now, when people are forced to not work, you can do one of two things, right? You could either drink all day, which a lot of people are doing. There's a hilarious video of this guy who's out jogging in his neighborhood, just passed

by people's recyclables, pointing out all the empty wine bottles and empty vodka bottles, and he just jogs over. Let's see what this guy's got. Boom, same shit. Whiskey, wine, bam, bam, bam. People are just getting lit up. You could do that, or you could use this time to get in shape. You could use this time to write out a workout program.

You could use this time to start reading books online. You don't even have to leave your house if you have a Kindle. Or one of those Barnes & Noble. Is Barnes & Noble, the Nook, is that still around? Are Barnes & Noble still real? They haven't gone under. They have bookstores? They still have books?

I think they have bookstores. They still have books. They do have bookstores. I've been to them before. I've been to them recently. Now I know I'm thinking about it. That's the thing. After this, that kind of old media, tangible media, that's really going to...

Because people are losing their old habits now. It's true. You can't go to a bookstore. Now you... I'm sure Kindle and all these things are taking. And bookstores were hurting already because of Amazon. Because you just order it online. Like, if I want a book, it's there tomorrow. There's something about that.

Like, not having to leave. And now that people are getting used to getting groceries delivered. If you live in a neighborhood that has a grocery store that delivers, you can just order online. They'll send it to your house. So, like I said, I haven't left my house in five weeks. It's the first time I left. It's like a castaway type deal. Or like a prisoner with an ankle bracelet.

Joe, when Joe Rogan calls, you come. Okay. But no one else would have gotten me out of my house. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, thank you. Nobody else. But I was very, you know, I'm honored to be here.

I love the show. I'm honored to have you. But I was very, you know, I'm honored to be here. I love the show. I'm honored to have you. But, no, listen, I have gotten good at living in my house without leaving. First of all, one thing that was weird, and I actually find it strange, actually. I find this strange. About four weeks before shit went down, right?

For whatever reason, it was happening. It was in Italy, I think. It was bad over there. I'm not by any means a doomsday prepper or anything like that. In fact, I'm the opposite. I've always said to myself, if something went wrong, I'd have like one day's supply of food or something like that in my house. And I went before the rush on the toilet paper, all that stuff. I went and I got non-perishable food. I got sardines. I read articles about what's good protein. I got, you know, beans. I got rice. I got, I stocked up my pantry with stuff. I got about a month's supply of food. Not thinking

that I was actually going to. Actually. I mean, I knew it was possible. There were's supply of food. Not thinking that I was actually going to. Actually. I mean, I knew it was possible. There were glimmers of it. They were starting to talk about it. But not thinking I was actually going to be locked in my house. And then all of a sudden it happened. So you just were being smart.

You're like, wouldn't it be nice if I did have a month's supply of food? Yeah. I talk about this stuff a lot with my friends. And we're always sort of talking about the possibilities of things. But, you know, you didn't think it was actually going to happen. So then it happened. So then I discovered some delivery services that deliver groceries. But who are the people delivering it?

And are they healthy? So here's the thing. You think about that? So, yeah, I do not interact with them. Oh, Jesus. But you touch the stuff that they touched, right? What have they been at you and all over your bag? Again, just to be safe, I did disinfect them.

And then I take them and I put them with gloves, with rubber gloves, and I put them into another room. And I let it sit for three days for the virus to die. And then I start eating. Then I start eating. I wish there was a clear answer to all this. I wish there was a clear answer to all this. I wish there was a clear solution to all this. I tell you, talking to you is making me feel better. Well, I feel better reading the latest statistics about the mortality rate.

I wonder what the actual, there's an infection rate, hospitalization rate, mortality rate. what was it? Was the study that was, was it UCLA? Is that what it was for sure? And it showed a very low fatality rate in comparison to infection. So that's good news. But the bad news is this, you know, it could still kill a lot of fucking people and people that are immune compromised, people with diabetes, people that are immune compromised people with diabetes people that are overweight people with lung problems people with Cigarette habits all those and particularly one of the nurses was saying people who were into the jewel people who smoke with jewel They said there's a high instance that there that he personally was seeing of people Was it the heat nurse or this she nurse? Hmm?

seeing of people um was it the he nurse or this she nurse hmm i'm sorry don't tell me this know what i was wondering you remember like it's like one month before this happened there people were having lung issues because of vapes and that do you think that was coronavirus well it was a big thing like for like a week we had that explained to us by adam vapes maybe that was coronavirus we had that explained to us by Adam Curry. It wasn't really what it appeared to be. What it really was is a concerted effort to conflate two things that were happening. One, these assholes that made like really shitty low-level THC vape pens that got people sick and a couple people died. I forget how many people died. Was it like 10 people died, Jamie?

Something like that? Adam Curry told us the whole story in the podcast. Then the cigarette companies or whoever is behind this tried to get all tobacco vapes banned. And they're trying to ban... I was fixing my shot because I want to be on camera.

I don't want the mic to block my face. But you're extra hand sanitizing? That's the first thing I've touched. You're just ripping. I'm not thinking about... Sorry. You're grossed out by too much sanitizer. That's good.

That's a good thing. It's killing everything. The good and the bad. It's sanitizing. It's sanitizing. But it's not good if you... I know a guy who uses this stuff all the time. He's getting warts all over his hands now because his immune system is all fucked up.

Oh, yeah. From sanitizing constantly. Like the Carlin bit. Yeah. Well, that's really what happens. Like you're not supposed to use antibacterial soap. You need bacteria. Yeah.

It's a great bit. When we would – in jiu-jitsu, sometimes guys would get staph infections or ringworm is a big one. And ringworm, they would use antibacterial soap and it would wind up fucking up their whole body and they'd wind up getting it more often like they think oh i'm just using antibacterial soap all the time so you're killing all the healthy shit on your the outside of your skin and then you wonder why you're getting sick all the time you wonder why your skin is getting infected i'm not like that normally but it honestly is the first one of the, well, actually, when you made me that coffee earlier, whatever that coffee was, which was amazing.

That's the Laird Hamilton stuff. It's a black rifle coffee mixed with Laird Hamilton's turmeric, which is just- Some Hawaii surfer coffee. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. It was basically what curry is. Yeah.

It's so good, right? Oh my God. And the coconut milk. Ooh, it's nice. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. It was basically what curry is. Yeah. It's so good, right? Oh my God. No coconut milk. Ooh, it's nice. Yeah. Good for you. Super healthy. That's the first object that I've touched in over a month that someone else had touched.

For sure you've definitely touched other things you just forgot. Well, no one's been in my house. That's true. You haven't left the house at all. So, no, I've touched the groceries, but I- Disinfect them first. Disinfected. But I don't expect to be like this forever.

Well, that's the question. When do we go back? Did you see the mayor of Las Vegas? Yeah. With Anderson Cooper? This is not China. This is Las Vegas, Nevada. So there's a line that, you know, on this end of the spectrum, it's complete casual, lackadaisical approach to what's going on.

There's this end of the spectrum, which is, I guess, me right now. Right. And then there's the middle, which is more of she on the far end. We're going to open up Las Vegas. We're going to have casinos open. When are the casinos going to open? When is comedy going to start again? When are we going to be back on the road telling jokes? It's a good question, man.

Everything I've had, I think, has been moved. There was supposed to be some stuff in May that I was doing in Des Moines, Iowa and somewhere else. And that's getting moved. And the only thing that I have scheduled is July in Vegas.

So I'm like, I don't know if that's real. That seems so crazy to say that I don't know here in April whether or not I'll be able to do a gig in July in Vegas. You have the podcast. You're doing the podcast. You get your adrenaline rush from that. I podcast. You get your adrenaline rush from that. I'm assuming you get an adrenaline rush from this. You get it from stand-up, of course.

Is it weird having an absence of that stand-up comedy thing? Not just because it's fun to do, but just physically, are you feeling different not getting that onstage energy rush every night? No. At the comedy store every night you go down there? Yes and no. But I know that I can't do anything about it. So I just shut it off. Right.

I'm like, I'm not going to think about that. Yeah. You can't think about shit that there's nothing you can do about. That'll just drive you mad. I heard you talking about that with Donnell. Yeah. You just shut it off. You go, okay.

You can't stand up right now. That's just what it is. It is what it is. Look, man, have you just stopped and think about a guy that works at a grocery store, okay? It's not the worst job in, man, if you just stop and think about it. Think about a guy that works at a grocery store, okay? It's not the worst job in the world, but it's fine. Now, all of a sudden, he's in a fucking war zone. He's in a viral war zone.

He's got to hope that some coughing motherfucker doesn't give him a death sentence while he's restocking the rice, right? It's a different world. Different world for them. For me, what? I just can't go on stage for a while. Yeah, it's terrible. I feel bad for the comedy clubs, really. I feel bad for the waitresses and the waiters and the kitchen staff and the managers and all the people that don't have a paycheck coming in.

I feel bad for them. And I'm happy to do a ton of free shows. When we come back, I'll just do shows and donate all the money to the comedy store or the improv or whoever, happy to help. But I think that it is, for us in particular, it's an inconvenient thing, but it's not life-threatening. This is a life-threatening time for some people. For nurses and hospital workers, this is a life-threatening time. For that Chicago bus driver, did you see that video of the bus driver? Yeah. He's telling people, please be courteous.

Don't be confident in the middle of the pandemic. And then he's dead a few days later. Tragic. Yeah. Horrific, right? That's, this is, see, this is why this disease is so fucked up. It just seems like for some people, it's a death sentence. And then for other people it's nothing and that just

doesn't make any sense to me it's just clearly I'm not a doctor and clearly this is a new virus but it's just so weird that something could be asymptomatic for a huge amount of people but some people get it and they barely even notice it they just feel a little bit of fatigue some people get a little bit of a cough for a couple days, and then nothing, and other people are dead. Like, it's nuts. It doesn't compute in my head.

Like, other things, you know what I'm saying? So have you ever been seriously ill? Yes. I've had the flu. But I mean, like, I'm a cancer survivor. Right, right. So to me, not saying the flu is not seriously ill. That's flu.

You can die from the flu, right serious. Leo, that's flu. You can die from the flu, right? You can die from the flu. We know this. But so when I got cancer, my show was on MTV. Things were going great. Everything was going great. You know, I got my show on MTV.

People were watching. I'd been doing it on public access in Canada for years, six years. I'd been working away, making my own show because, you know, no one's ever going to give me a frigging show. So I'll make my own show, right? So I did that before the web. I did that first. That's how I always thought, because, you know, no one's ever going to give me a frigging show, so I'll make my own show, right? Sort of, I did that before the web, I did that first, right? That's how I, I always thought like that, you know? All of a sudden, I'm on MTV. Everything's great.

Oh, oh, feeling a little funny down there. Fortunately, I went to the doctor, right? Which a lot of young people who get testicular cancer, thank you very much, don't go to the doctor right away. So it spreads, and they die, right? I went to the doctor. I was, don't go to the doctor right away. So it spreads and they die, right? I went to the doctor. I was lucky. I went to the doctor. But for me, having that happen at that time was so bizarre. I sometimes think if I had gotten that testicular cancer one year earlier, MTV wouldn't have picked up the show yet. So I would have been in Canada dealing with it. And then probably they wouldn't have picked

up the show and my life would be completely different. That sort of change and sort of the, I don't believe there's coincidences. Sometimes I don't believe in coincidences. Sometimes I do. I flip-flop on that. But I basically, because of that, what that sort of made me realize is that life's random. It's not fair. Shit can happen. Even if it is unlikely, it might happen to me. And because of that, having dealt with that, and it just sucked, man. It sucked having cancer. Because it wasn't just about removing my right testicle, right? That sucks enough. You think that... But it's fine. I got the left one. It's fine. It's the middle one now. It's

fine. It's doing good. I'm doing a bit. But the thing is, they also did a lymph node dissection. It cut me open. It was painful. I was in the hospital for eight weeks or six weeks. Wow. Took years to recover from that physically, like pain, nerve damage, just slowing down your body. And so I just go, I don't want to go through that again. I'm happy to just stay in my house right now, cut all, you know, just completely, like, improve my odds.

I don't really have anything to do right now anyways. You know? I'm not touring. I have a lot of stuff that I love doing in my house. I'm working on my computer on Pro Tools. I like making music.

I like making hip-hop beats and stuff, you know? But for years, I've had these little details in that Pro Tools program that I've not unlocked, little mysteries, because I haven't had time to go in and figure out how to mix and do like compression and do all the little things that you do. So I'm like going down that rabbit hole. I got my sound engineer calling me and I'm like doing online, like doing on FaceTime,

like Pro Tools lessons. And I'm getting, I'm having fun with it. And I'm thinking, okay, I'm doing something with myself right now that is positive. I'm enjoying that. And I'm trying to avoid, you know, being hospitalized again because I hate being in the hospital. It sucks. Yeah, makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, makes sense. Are you doing anything differently in terms of how you eat or health-wise or nutrients or taking care of your immune system?

Yeah, yes. Well, I heard you say zinc on the show. Don't listen to me, first of all. If you're getting your medical advice from me. Well, no, I had already had the zinc, but that confirmed that I was taking zinc. So I've taken zinc. There's a lot of articles you should read on it but yeah zinc very good taking vitamins multivitamins vitamins uh and then uh honestly i'm not drinking as much you know it's unfortunate youtube said that they're going to take down anything that doesn't coincide with the world health organization's ruling on ruling on what to do about this pandemic.

What do you mean? YouTube is taking down things. And I don't know how specific they're going to be about this, but they were saying alternate therapies like vitamin C and things along those lines, which is kind of unfortunate because unless they're not being that strict about it, because I would say if someone was saying, if somebody made a video, someone who's a nutrition expert, and they made a video how to protect your immune system from COVID-19, or maybe just protect your immune system during the time of COVID-19. So I'm not even saying that it's protecting it from that, but how to boost up your immune system in this very dangerous time in terms of viral infections. Well, there are strategies. There's things you can do, like get more sleep, drink more water, eat healthier, keep your

body healthy with nutrients and making sure you're eating clean and don't drink alcohol and don't smoke cigarettes. If you just do those things, like this is real. This has actually been proven. So I don't know what you can get away with saying and what you can't get away with saying, but you can't always just hope that doctors come up with a cure because yes, the doctors are going to come up with a cure and yes, we need them to do that. But you can't always think that medicine is going to fix you and you can just keep

doing what you've always been doing that got you sick in the first place because a lot of times when you get sick it has to do with how you've been living. Not always but a lot of times. Is your immune system already compromised or are you already weak? Are you beating up your body and abusing it and then boom, then you catch a cold? We all know that's true. So advice on how to strengthen your immune systems, it's important for everybody. Now, if you want people to say, don't say that this is a cure for COVID-19.

It's going to keep you from getting COVID-19. Fine. Great. So what? Like YouTube's going to take a video down that says- I want this is what I'm saying. Take a lot of vitamins. Don't drink alcohol.

During the time, if it has to do with coronavirus and it's contrary or not in what the World Health Organization has recommended. Which changes every two weeks. Well, they fucked up. Wear a mask. Don't wear a mask. Wear a mask. Don't wear a mask. Good to wear a mask.

Bad to wear a mask. What? Somebody posted it on their Twitter the other day. It might have been Donald Trump Jr. But it showed World Health Organization. no, it was on Instagram, World Health Organization tweet from them from I guess it was

what time it was last year. I think it was last, I think it was either December or maybe the beginning of this year, but they were saying that the World Health Organization says that it cannot be contracted from person to person. This is a tweet that they put out. So you can. So you can't say how the hell do you get it then? Well, they didn't know then directly from a pangolin. Yeah. Yeah to be there. So don't worry about it

Yeah, there's this is what they were getting Chinese propaganda. They were spreading it but the World Health Organization when they were posting it That was that's absolutely wrong. We all know that's absolutely wrong. So if you say you have to listen to what the World Health Organization says, well, they've been wrong before, right? And I want to know how much they really know about nutrition, how much they really know about health and fitness. Like I'm looking at these people. They don't look like the healthiest humans in the world.

Just because someone's a scientist, you know what I'm saying, doesn't mean they're taking care of their own body. That's a problem. No, he's a smart guy guy but he might not work out and uh i've talked to a lot of really brilliant people including doctors that eat shitty food and don't really work out so it's crazy i realized i didn't have a lot of vegetables so i ordered uh you know uh on amazon which i'd never used amazon by the way on fresh that what it's called? Yeah. They were taking too long to deliver, actually.

They actually weren't even delivering when I ordered this. But there's other stuff on Amazon that's not Amazon Fresh. Canned corn, okay? I ordered like a couple dozen cans of corn. So I have that, and I sometimes will mix that in. I've been cooking, so to stay healthy, I've been cooking. I like to cook anyways. I like to cook anyways.

I believe you. I do cook. Say that twice like you're trying to convince me. Yeah, because it seems like it might not be a believable thing, but I do like to cook. Why wouldn't it be believable? I don't know. It just seems, I just, I'm surprised by it. So I figured others might be, but. I'm not at all. Yeah. I like to cook, but I'm not an ex, I just kind of, I kind of have a sense for it. I know I can usually tell that I'm going to like it just by the smells of things. And so I'll like – so I have canned corn.

I've been cooking a lot of pasta. I've been – I have stuff. I go live on my Instagram story. I do a little cooking show, sort of. I mean it's not – I'm not saying it's a cooking show, but I do. Whenever I cook, I do a little Instagram story. I got these San Marzano tomatoes. What are those?

They're just like a can of tomatoes, but they're cans of peeled tomatoes. So they're delicious tomatoes, but they last forever because they're canned. So you can have a closet full of them, and they'll last forever, and you'll always have tomatoes. Then I've got the stuff when I make pasta. It's called rag, or prego sauce. Crazy, that's exotic. Yeah, when I make sauce, but I add the tomatoes to it, thicken it up, throw some canned mushrooms in there. Why are you buying ragu tomato sauce? It's just to have it. Don't do it. No? No. It's just to have it because in case like system, if I can't get food for a while, I've got some backup food.

Because you remember in the first few weeks of this, people were kind of thinking, is everything going to shut down? So I made sure I had some canned food, like they said. Right, but why Ragu? There's other brands you get there. Yeah, well, I have Prego, too. I got the ragu. The ragu is the Alfredo sauce, and the Prego is the marinara sauce. But what I'm saying is my cooking, my personal recipe for spaghetti,

don't just heat up the ragu. Put in some canned tomatoes in it. Way better. But I wouldn't normally do that. I wouldn't normally have canned corn. I wouldn't normally think about having vegetables. I, the kind of person that I'll eat rice. So do you think you had a premonition or do you think you saw what was going on in China and you were like, you know what, it would be a good move to have a month's worth of food here. Yeah. Like, it's not like some sort of a superstitious thing. You don't feel like,

like the universe was sending you a signal. You needed to go buy corn. superstitious thing. You don't feel like the universe was sending you a signal you needed to go buy corn. Well, I watched one of your shows recently where you're talking about, I love this episode, where you're talking about, are we living in a simulation? Yes. Okay. So I was, I love talking about this stuff. It doesn't mean that I'm, oh, I think we're living in a simulation. Oh, I think that doomsday is coming. Not necessarily. But I do love the thought experiment of talking about it and thinking about it. And so after I was watching that show, your show, I was really thinking about it a lot.

I had a long conversation with my mom about how, you know, we could be living in a simulation. You know, what do you mean? Well, I mean, you know, the computers are getting so fast. I mean, they're going to be able to program computers that have conscious, you know, that little character on a computer might be able to start to think. And then it might start to be able to self-determine. And then we could just be an advanced version of that. And how would we ever know? And my mom's sitting there going, oh, what are you talking about?

And then I had a pretty long day of talking about this with my mom and trying to convince her not that we're living in a simulation but that it's possible we could be living in a simulation my mother wasn't really buying it right and then two weeks later this happens and i'm thinking is this like because we're living in a simulation you know because if you were living in a simulation and then you started talking about it and then the creator of the simulation heard that, he might start a pandemic. Maybe the problem is the term simulation. Yeah. Because if you're living in a simulation, then it becomes your whole life. Like, is that simulated anymore?

Like, what is that? Like, maybe it's always been a simulation. Maybe if you stop and think about events that take place that ultimately all seem to be leading towards events, right? When you think about the invention of electricity and then the electronics of the 80s and the 90s that led to everyone having a home computer, that led to everybody having a computer in your pocket that listens to everything you say and takes pictures and uploads video and just keeps getting more and more advanced and more and more intertwined with you being a person until one day you enter it and you become a part of it. And they create something inside the world of computers that's far more compelling than the regular world itself. But maybe that's just the natural course of progression. And that's where life is going anyway. But maybe that's just the natural course of progression and that's where life is going anyway.

Like maybe that's just a new kind of life, a new dimension of life and that all these things just come about through that. They come about through either natural causes like, you know, star supernovaing and, you know, everything coalesces and things become carbon based life forms emerge and life becomes what it is in 2020, or those things figure out how to open up new realities and that what a simulation would be would just be another reality. That we were created by some person doing the exact same thing that we're doing right now. That one day we get to the point where technology is so spectacularly advanced that you could have a new world that's indiscernible. Like you can't tell that it's not real. It's impossible to tell you are in that world now and that's where you exist. That's what I was trying to convince my mother that we might actually be in. It's possible. She wasn't buying it. Dude, Elon Musk thinks that. Elon Musk thinks that and he freaks me out.

I know. I saw that on your show too. He's one of those, have you ever talked to him? No, no. You look him in his eyes, you're like, what's going on there, man? Oh, yeah. Some extra shit's happening in there. Yeah.

Because when you got a guy that intelligent and he's saying there's a 1% chance or one in a billion chance that we're not living in a simulation, you think, okay, is he just messing with me? What was the gentleman's name that I was having that discussion with? Bostrom? Bostrom. Nick Bostrom. Yeah, that's for sure. I think I was watching. That was a very complicated discussion.

We were talking about probability theory. The probability of us having a living life inside of a simulation is actually higher. Because ultimately, we're going to come up with a simulation someday. And then when you talk about this stuff enough, and when you watch your show, which I do, and you listen to these complex conversations, right? And you start thinking about it. And you start thinking about all the possibilities of what could happen. And then this pandemic happens. And then, you know, I still live in the same place where I did the show.

You know, it's like I started seeing, you know, I'm here in Los Angeles. You saw him too. All of a sudden you're seeing Blackhawk helicopters going by every day. Right? You're seeing Apache helicopters going by. You're seeing the Ospreys. You see the Ospreys going by every day. Dun, dun, dun. Right? You're seeing Apache helicopters going by. You're seeing the Ospreys. You see the Ospreys going by every day in the first week of this.

And you're thinking, what's going on, man? Do you watch The Walking Dead? You know, I haven't watched it. Let me tell you something. I know that's crazy. The Walking Dead, the first few seasons were awesome.

I'm going to hear about it now. The first few seasons were awesome, but maybe even better is the first season of the L.A. version of The Walking Dead. What's that one called? Fear of the Walking Dead, right? Something like that.

The first couple episodes of that are spectacular. The first season's pretty good, but they did it very differently than the other Walking Dead. But, you know, it just takes a while for people to realize what the fuck is happening. It sort of felt like, is that what's happening? In the beginning. Oh, yeah, man. In the beginning, it felt touch and go. When everybody was hoarding all the toilet paper and people were fighting,

like, whoa. And everyone wants a gun. The gun lines were giant. Right. The lines outside the gun stores were creepy. Yeah. Were you in one of those lines? No, no, I have guns. Yeah,

sure. Yeah. I'm, I'm not waiting in line. I have a theory about the toilet paper. Maybe it's obvious, but, but I don't know. Maybe it's not obvious. I don't know. So toilet paper is big. Yes. So because it's big, it takes up a lot of shelf space because it takes up a lot of, maybe everyone's talked about this already, but maybe it takes up a lot of shelf space. it takes up a lot of, maybe everyone's talked about this already, but it takes up a lot of shelf space. So all of a sudden everybody went to the grocery store at the same time and there's probably far less toilet paper at the grocery store than it would appear just because it takes an entire aisle because it's big. So everybody bought one piece of package of toilet paper on the first day. It was instantly all gone. It's instantly an entire empty aisle, which is dramatic looking. And it was the first sign of shelves being cleared.

And it was the toilet paper was gone. And everyone went on their fucking phones. There's putting around a toilet paper. And all of a sudden, that compounded it exponentially. And now everyone's going for the toilet paper. And they don't need to be going for the toilet paper. And we had the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 this is the type of investigative reporting you do when you're alone for five weeks just go hmm oh yeah breaking it

down with a colombo of toilet paper that makes a hundred percent sense because it's big everyone grabbed a can of corn everyone grabbed a can of beans but it didn't create an entire empty aisle that then got people thinking talking and and and tweeting, and typing, and Instagramming. It's also something dumb people think about a lot, shitting. Right. Also, you don't want to not be able to wipe your ass. Yeah, but it's out of all the things you need. Do you understand what it's like when shit goes down?

Get a rag and a bucket of water, okay? Right. Wash your ass with a washcloth. Right. Because shit is going down. Yeah. All right? That's the last thing you need to worry about is toilet paper.

You need to worry about consuming food and staying alive. Yeah. Some people don't think it's ever going to get to that, and those are the ones that stock up on toilet paper. Yeah. The ones who buy rice and beans and stuff like that, those are the people that are planning. They're legitimately planning ahead. You want to stay alive. Wipe your ass.

You know, beans, corn, and rice, that's what I read was enough vitamins and everything you need. Sure. You don't get enough protein that way, but you get some from beans. Oh, really? Yeah, it's just not as available. It's not as bioavailable as it is in other foods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get some protein.

You just got to eat a lot. Yeah. It's not as complete as some forms of protein. So how have you been enjoying doing the podcast since this started? Obviously, it becomes a big subject of conversation, right? Do you sometimes not want to talk about it anymore? I mean, when your guests come in, is everyone always talking about the pandemic? Don't worry about them, man.

I want to just talk to you. You just go with the flow. Yeah, we're just having a conversation. Sometimes it's repetitive, unfortunately. Because the people that are listening in, they listen to me having conversations with people that haven't heard the other conversations. Right. And we wind up talking about the same shit. Yeah.

But that seems like as the more I think about doing it, the best way to do it is just talk to people. Just have talk. Just talk. Just think about what you would – how would you normally talk? You'd have to talk about this. If I didn't see my friend Tom Green in a long time, then all of a sudden we're here. And you're like, bro, what the fuck is going on? We're just going to ignore it?

Exactly. Because really we only talked for like – there was a couple times we were having conversations out there. in a long time then all of a sudden we're here and you're like bro what the fuck is going on we're just gonna ignore it exactly cause really we only talked for there was a couple times we were having conversations out there we were like gotta save it save it

save it save it save it cause I haven't seen you in a while but gotta talk about it we're living in madness

it's a weird thing when you talk about something in the hallway I told you the story but now I'm doing what I said I didn't want to do but Ed McMahon

used to come up and do my web show that we were talking about. And, you know, Johnny Carson's sidekick. I never got to meet Johnny Carson, but I got to meet Ed McMahon. That's pretty dope that you met Ed McMahon. Yeah. We became friendly. He came and did it all the time. He did it like four times or something.

Wow. Because I think he just, you know, I had a curtain. I got a shiny curtain. know, I had a curtain. I had a shiny curtain. Yeah. I had a desk. I had the desk. And I just think he felt like it was fun for him. No pressure.

We're doing a little kind of make-believe tonight show or whatever. That's awesome, man. And he'd come up, and I was just so overjoyed that he was there. And we'd stand in the hallway, and I'd start talking to him. And he'd say, I could tell he'd get quiet. He was never quiet on the show, but he'd get quiet before the show. And I was like, is he not in a good mood the first couple of times? And he said, don't leave it in the hallway, Tom.

Don't leave it in the hallway. And I realized, oh, he doesn't want to have the same conversation again. And it made it a lot easier for me as the host of the show in my living room because then I didn't feel obligated to talk to him either. And we just sat there in silence for half an hour until the show started. We fucked that up a bunch of times on this podcast. Not this you and I. I was trying to kind of talk about things that weren't going to come up.

I mean, like the early days of the podcast, sometimes before we ever got the show started, we had talked about all the coolest shit. And they're like, fuck, what were we just talking about? Oh, I forgot, man. And then you're talking about it again, and you know you're talking about it again, and they know, and you're sort of then you're trying to pretend that you haven't heard it before, and you're kind of doing this sort of

can't really force the laugh, but you do, and then it doesn't feel right. Awkward. Yeah. Yeah. But I love that. I love the rhythm to these kinds of conversations. That's something that I really love.

As you know, I love doing what you do. I love doing this. I love talking to people. I love creating a – whether it's an interview or a conversation, I love talking to people. I love creating a, you know, whether it's an interview or a conversation, I love listening to people and just waiting and feeling that rhythm of it. It's something that's very interesting to me, which took a long time to figure out. And that's what's kind of exciting about, you know, doing this stuff as you do, as you do these shows. And where else would you ever have the opportunity in the history of broadcasting, right? To have built your own studio and go, oh, I'm going to do, you know, how many thousand shows have you done now? I'm going to do a thousand shows, right? I mean, you've got more, you know, time as a interviewer than anyone like in history, other than the few handful of people that had shows that didn't get canceled, right? Everyone else, they got a chance to do a talk show.

They get to do it for a few weeks or a few months or a few years and then they get canceled. Well, there's radio guys. Radio guys have been doing it forever. Like Stern. Yes. Way, way, way more. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're in that category of people where you've got 10,000 hours of interviewing time.

It's pretty awesome. It's pretty weird. Yeah. It's got 10,000 hours of interviewing time, you know, it's pretty, pretty, pretty awesome. It's pretty weird. Yeah. It's not 10,000 hours. Yeah. It's a thousand, how many thousand now? It was like a thousand something. Three, a thousand show, 1500 shows. 1500 shows. And the longest ones are like, well, there's a few five hour ones in there. The Kevin Smith one, a couple of them that were like four or five hours most of them are three or under yeah yeah was it in the early days of it okay when you were doing it in your house how long did you love it being in the house and then at what point did it start to be like i'm gonna don't want to do this in my house anymore well when i was bringing over people that i didn't know then

i was like just to see us feels awkward bring bring them to my house it just feels like it also feels like I was uh you know I it wasn't the right setup I wanted I was like well if I'm doing this all the time I should have like a better setup I should figure out how to do this better so for a while Red Band set up at the Ice House we did it there we just did a show together Red Band and I we did a weekend at San diego at the at the american comedy company right like right before this that's a great little two months ago yeah i love that so red ben yeah i love san diego san diego is an awesome spot for comedy too yeah um so and then um i got a place uh near here that was smaller and then i was like okay i need to i want to build something crazy i want to build something where it's like, what would I do if I was me?

You know, like if you're like, oh, if I was Tom Green, I would set up a fucking internet studio in my house. Well, if I was Joe Rogan, what would I do? I would, yeah, I should have all the shit that I want, like a gym and, you know, float tank, sauna. It's incredible. That's the most fun part about this place. But you could never have a place like this if you had a real company behind you.

You know what I mean? If you were an employee, like Showtime, if Showtime put some Tom Green show together and you're like, I want an indoor archery range. Listen, we can't do that. You can't. You're going to kill somebody. Crossbow in the studio? No, maybe not.

You can't do that. Well, I want to set up a gym. Hold on. We need everyone to sign a waiver. You're going to enter this studio? No, maybe not. You can't do that. Well, I want to set up a gym. Hold on. We need everyone to sign a waiver. You're going to enter this gym. You're lifting weights. This is crazy. Let me talk to the lawyers.

Tom, the gym has to be in a separate building. You have to have key cards to get into it. And everyone has to sign a release. You would never be able to put whatever you want on the walls. You wouldn't be able to. It wouldn't be the same. And then there's always the looming possibility of it all being taken away. you would never be able to put whatever you want on the walls. You wouldn't be able to. It wouldn't be the same. And then there's always the looming possibility of it all being taken away.

That's what we were talking about on your show. That was that conversation in 2007. But I just put up the pictures. Sorry, pulling the plug on it, Tom. We just bought all the new furniture. We heard you say dyke. You said it. It's all over. You called some lovely woman say dyke. Yeah, yeah. You said it. It's all over. You called some lovely woman a dyke.

Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. But was there a moment, though, in your house when you were doing it where something happened that made you say this is, you know, like, did anyone ever come up and not want to leave after? No. No, no. It was nothing bad.

No. It just seemed like a, it just always seems like it's time to do something new. See, what I would, my problem was I was drinking a lot more back then. Oh. So. Do you drink now at all? I do. Do you?

But a lot less. Actually, I'll tell you, when I started doing stand-up again, 10 or 11 years ago, I started doing it again. Will you have a drink right now? Sure. Yeah, of course. Let's get us a couple I started doing it again. Want to have a drink right now? Sure. Yeah, of course. Let's get us a couple of drinks. Of course I will.

Have a drink with you on your show. Have a little whiskey. Of course I will. Just like Cliff with us drinking. Yeah, of course. But

absolutely I will. But you know, the thing is is I don't as much anymore. And back then I I was You're boozing a little too much.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, and I think what I thought was I got a little too carried away with the idea of, hey, we can drink on the show. Right, right, right. I remember that. We were drinking Coronas.

That's one of the things that people were pointing out. Like, oh, you're drinking a Corona beer. Corona beer took a big hit. So crazy. I bet, yeah. People are so dumb. They're blaming the name of the beer

on a virus. Yeah, I was thinking in the beginning, like, hey, why don't they just call it COVID-19 or something? Just to, you know, companies. Anyways. What if Corona just changed? They had a COVID-19, like a special edition. Have some fun with it. Yeah.

Grandpa's dead. Have some fun. Yeah. He died choking on his own lung fluid. So I was having fun with that, but I feel like that maybe... I forgot where I was going with that, but the point is... Ooh, nice. Oh, boy.

What do we got here? Do we have any more bottles of this? This thing's almost empty. Ooh. A little whiskey there, huh? Yes, sir. That's my drink. I've been drinking Bushmills. Oh. A little whiskey there, huh? Yes, sir. That's my drink. I've been drinking Bushmills.

Oh. Is that a specific type? It's from Belfast. It's Irish whiskey. Ooh. It's a healthy pour there. Yeah, it's cool, dude. Awesome.

Beautiful. Thank you. Okay, well, I won't be having any more. I'll just have those. That's fine. That's all you need. A little sip. It's not bad for you.

It's been proven. Sorry, what is that? That's fine. That's all you need. A little sip. It's not bad for you. It's been proven. Sorry, what is that? That's Buffalo Trace. This company's been around since 1773, son. Oh, I heard you talking about that. It's one of my sponsors. I heard you talking about that. Look, there's actual buffalo testicles on the label. Oh, wow. Don't make me jealous. Respect.

I used to have two of those. You still have one. But, um... So we were talking about drinking, doing the studio. You said it got a little carried away because you could drink there. Oh, I know where I was going with it. Yeah. So, yeah. So, of course, people like to drink.

My guests like to drink, too. I have a lot of great guests coming up. You know, sometimes we'd have a few too many. Sometimes turned into every time we have a few too many sometimes turned into every time we had a few too many turned into it turned into a party every night it turned into a party that never ended every night it turned into you know you know i remember like we had great stories too don't get me wrong it was bad i mean i remember norm mcdonald would come up and i you know i'm from norm's from ottawa okay i'm from Ottawa, Canada, the capital of Canada, okay?

I grew up loving Norm, okay? Like, because when I was a teenager, I was doing amateur night, they called it. That's what they used to call open mic nights at Yuck Yucks in Ottawa, amateur night. I'd do that. And Norm would come through town. He hadn't blown up yet. He is Norm. He's 25 years old.

He was my favorite. Him and Harland Williams and Jeremy Hot years old. He was my favorite. Him and Harland Williams and Jeremy Hotz. Those guys were my favorite. And so having grown up idolizing those guys, and then all of a sudden they're up at my house and now we're having a drink. And now the show ends. Now the show ends and Norm's having fun. I'm having fun. Let's go look at some YouTube videos. So now we're watching YouTube videos till four or five in the morning. And then that starts happening every night with other people and everybody. And all of a sudden it's like I wake up in the morning.

You know, there's beer. Like the floor is sticky. Like the floor in my house, you know, I've got a nice place, right? The floor is sticky, right? And then the housing crashed. The housing market crashed. And I was doing this thing. Oh, here's another thing.

Okay. The technology changed. And so every, like, few months, oh, the cameras are obsolete, you know? The four by three cameras don't fit in the aspect ratio. You got to get all new cameras. Okay, so I got to spend $6,000 on new cameras just to keep it working. I've already spent all. Okay. And then the house is worth, like, new cameras just to keep it working. I've already spent all.

Okay. And then the house is worth like half of what I paid for. And I'm like, am I underwater here? And not to mention that the floor is sticky. I've screwed things into the ceiling. I've ruined it. I've ruined the house that's worth half of what I paid for. I'm like, maybe I should move, get rid of the studio out of the house. This is not healthy.

But no, and there was also, you know, this. Did you want a semblance of normalcy? Didn't you want a house? Well, it also, what happened was. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Also, what happened was, you know, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with my inability to monetize it.

Because it just wasn't really what people were doing quite yet. And I had people all over the world calling in and watching. We were getting a lot of views. The moment when I realized something cool was happening with the views, we figured this thing out. Kat Von D came on the show. You know Kat Von D. Yeah. She came on the show.

She had a MySpace page with like a gazillion followers. This is a funny story actually. I hope it is at least. We embedded the feed to her MySpace page. All of a sudden, we had a million views on that one feed. Oh, my God, this is amazing. Then the end of the month comes, I get a bill from the server company. We hadn't talked about if you had a million views, a bill for $40,000.

I'm like, what? They go, oh, well, we charge per clicks. I mean, no, we always had this thing. But now we have a thing where it's – so, I mean, in fairness to them, they didn't make me pay it. But they wanted me to pay it until I was crying on the phone. I'm like, I just got new cameras. This is great. The ceiling's got holes in it.

So they didn't make me pay it. Thank you very much to everybody. I won't even say their name in that story. But thank you to them for that. But it became a lot of pressure, financial pressure to keep it going. I'd been doing it for a long time. I'd grown kind of, you know, I started to find myself annoyed with doing it, you know? And then I just one day just realized

I want to start doing standup again. And I just, I'd always wanted to, right? I did it when I was a kid. It was always felt like a thing that I, you know, when I was doing stand-up, I stopped when I started my public access show because I'm a focus. I focus, right? So I had the public access show. I don't have time to do that anymore. I focused on that, right, for 10 years. And in the back of my mind, I was always like, man, I left that on the table, you know? I was always like, man, I left that on the table, you know?

So I found that that was going to be my way of monetizing my web show was I'm going to go on tour. And all of a sudden I started, I jumped up the comedy store and I felt that feeling, you know, that feeling I hadn't felt since I was, you know, 19 was the last time I'd done it, you know? And I did well, right? It was like the fear of like, oh, am I going to bomb? It was just instantly gone. And I realized, shit.

And then I went back. I started going back. I started going back. I started going back. And then I started getting booked. And then all of a sudden, six years of doing the web show and paying for it out of my pocket and worrying about it. And all of a sudden, whoa, I'm like making good money doing standup. I like this idea, getting paid to do what I love to do as opposed to paying for what I love

to do. And so then I'd come home from the road and the equipment was getting more obsolete too. You know, it was like, it was like, it was dust on it, you know, and then like the camera work, you know, you turn it on, it wouldn't work as well. You know, like you'd have to figure. on it, you know, and like the camera work, you know, you turn it on, it wouldn't work as well, you know, like you'd have to figure. And I'd come home and I'd look at this house and I didn't, I was tired from being on the road. I didn't want to turn on the studio. I thought, you know, I'm going to take the studio out of the house and I'm going to go

focus on trying to become as good of a standup as I can possibly be. And this was what year? What year did you start? It was probably about 11 years ago. So, yeah. And then I've been on the road for the last 11 years. Like, you know, I mean, I've talked a bit about this, but I've been going hard, man.

I've been going everywhere. I've been all over the world. I've been in every club in the U.S. And I'm loving it. And I just love doing it. And I feel, you know, what I love about standup is I know it's, and I'm not sure if this is true at your point, but for me, I still feel like every time I get on stage, I feel like I'm learning something and getting better at it. So

every single time. Yeah, me too. I've done thousands of shows, but then how could I, how can I walk off stage and feel like that was the best show? That's what I said the last time. That's what I said the time before. That's what I said the time before. But I love that feeling of like, oh, there's somewhere, we're moving somewhere with this. We're moving, we're figuring something out. It's very fulfilling.

Well, it's clearly something that the more you do it, the better you get at it. If you're enthusiastic and you're concentrating on it, the more you do it, the better you get at it. If you're enthusiastic and you're concentrating on it, the more you do it, the better you get at it. And the more years you have in, it's like the more data you've processed on how to do it right and how to do it wrong and what to avoid and what to emphasize and all these different things, they just get to a greater and greater understanding

of this thing. So really, there is a difference between like 10 years and 20 years, 20 years and 30 years. It really, you really do keep as long as you really are still passionate about it. You will still get it, get better at it. Dom Herrera said this to me and Dom's been doing it longer than me. I remember watching Dom on TV when I was thinking about doing comedy, he was already on TV. Right. And when I became friends with him, he was like one of the first guys that I was friends with was like, I can't believe I'm friends with Dom Herrera and

To this day Dom's been doing comedy probably 40 fucking years to this day He still says you know you just keep concentrating on it. You still get better Like that is the craziest thing isn't it's like you just if you're as long as you're still locked in and some guys like Dom are Still locked in like he still crushes seeing Dom at the comedy store. Crush. Which is so inspiring. Oh yeah. With new shit. Yeah. Yeah. Just fucking around light, light with the audience, having a good time, been doing it forever. Still loves it. Still loves doing standup. And I think that's, what's up. It's like, whatever you're doing, whether it was your public access show or whether it's you doing stand-up or maybe you become an author, whatever the fuck it is, that thing, you just have to really be all in on that thing and really be interested in that thing.

And if you are, you're going to get better at it. You're going to get better at it. Just keep – I mean, you're going to have bad times and good times and jokes that suck and jokes that are better. And some jokes you have to abandon. They're never going to work. You try them. You're like, what is wrong with this? I can't seem to get, let me just put it aside for a little bit.

And you might come back to it two years from now. You're like, oh, that tomato joke. And then you go back and then you start fucking around with the tomato bit again. You reintroduce it to the crowd. You never know, man. It's like a living forest of ideas. That's what an act is. It's like a life form.

Living forest of ideas. That's what an act is. It's like a life form. And it's like you fertilize it with information and knowledge. And you keep paying attention to it constantly in a good way, too. Just like you're supposed to sing to plants. Pay attention to that act. Go there with enthusiasm.

Be happy that you can do it. And this is one thing that's going to happen to a lot of comics after this break. Come back, you're going to be so thankful. Yeah. So thankful that you can make people feel good, that we can all have a night out together where people come and they're on dates and they're just happy to be there. And they're there to have a good time. And the comics are so happy that everybody's there. And everybody gets just a good old love fest out of it.

Just let's appreciate what we had. I think we all appreciated what we had at the store but i think now everyone's going to really really appreciate how special that place is and how special stand-up comedy is across the world it's a special thing to be able to get in front of people and and and make your ideas change their physical state. You know, when people are laughing about something, they're having a great time, someone's killing on stage, it changes, it's like you're giving them a happy drug. When someone makes you laugh, it feels good.

That's why we gravitate towards stand-up. When Joey Diaz is on stage crushing, you feel good. You're like, ah! That feeling that you get, it's like everything feels amazing and you and i get to feel that all the time we're so lucky we get to hang out with some of the best funniest people in the world and make each other laugh and just joke around and hang out in that back bar and tell war stories and just laugh and have so much fun. And I think one great thing about this for us is it's going to make us appreciate how special and how fortunate that is. I think for a lot of other people during this time off that have been like on the fence about quitting what they do, I bet a lot of people are going to change course in their

career. I bet a lot of people are going to realize, you know what? This could all be just taken away from me. I'm playing it safe. And even though I'm playing it safe, doing something I don't want to do, it still got taken away from me. And I didn't even have a chance to take a chance. I was trying to do this thing and do the right thing and follow my degree. And now they're going to go, since this can be taken away from me at any time,

I'm going to do what I want to do Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to find out how to make a career at whatever their interest is whether it's making tents or Fucking painting whatever it is Making tents some people are into making somebody literally is making into making tents for sure That was my time. They decide they want to do that though at what point in life when they're kid camping They go someday. I'm gonna make a better one of these. This thing's leaking right now. Exactly.

This thing's leaking. This shouldn't be leaking like this. Sure. And that's how they make better sleeping bags. That's how people make better, you know, those little burner stoves, those stoves that people take when they go hiking. Someone goes, this thing sucks. I'm going to make a better one.

These fucks. And they make a better one. And they sell it to REI. And the next thing you know, it's the hot thing if you're going camping yeah gotta have it there's some yeah there's some crazy tents out there now too i'm sure you know you probably do a lot more camping than i do i don't camp that often but you don't go on the hunt when you go on the hunt you don't have set up some crazy new new new model tent i have but I prefer to do it. The most miserable, well, I think the most miserable is rain. Because cold, you can get warm.

Like I've done Montana. We did the Missouri. Me and Brian Callen with my friend Steve Rinell and his crew for the Meat Eater show, we did the Missouri breaks in Montana in October. And it was cold as fuck. It was like nine degrees some days. That was cold. But that's not as miserable as wet. Wet's more miserable.

One time we did Prince of Wales, which is the most rainy part of Alaska. Okay. Yeah, it's an island. And it was rough. It's like all day long you're soaking wet. The tent is wet. Your sleeping bag's wet. The air you see when you turn on your headlamp to go piss in the middle of the night, just

mist. There's water everywhere. Everything's wet. You're never going to dry off and it's not warm out. I love that though. Even though it's uncomfortable, I love getting... I've done a lot of that. I've done a lot of camping, Canadian, right?

My dad was an army guy. My dad was captain in the Canadian army. So he made you go camping, pretend the Russians are coming? Yeah. Oh yeah. No, for real. Yeah. It was serious. It was sort of- He was preparing. It was an authoritarian kind of thing. You had to be good with nature. When I was 14 years old, I got really into skateboarding. I'd already been doing it. But when you start to become a teenager, somehow, I don't know how this happens, but somehow with skateboarding right i'd already been doing it but when you start to become a teenager somehow i don't know how this happens but somehow with skateboarding you equate the ability to be

able to do something like that really well with maybe the ability to be popular or to maybe get girls or something if i can do a jump right and i'm really so you just you're as i think it's a male energy thing or like a like a you know you start to feel like, I got to be the best skateboarder. So all of a sudden, I don't know what kind of energy it is. I don't want to be sexist. It's a human energy. Sure. There's girls that are really obsessed with doing things to be the best at it.

Back that up. Back that up. It's a human energy. You want to be successful. You want to be the best skateboarder. So this was the moment where I wanted to be the best skateboarder. But I was 14 and I was still a kid. But I was on the verge of being a teenager.

I was a teenager, but I was on the verge of being an adult. I feel like we should have some music playing in the background of the story. All of a sudden, dad says, I'm sending you this summer on a canoe expedition. It's eight weeks in northern Canada. You're going out with this group of 12. It was this whole organized thing. It was actually an American group. I remember it was called Lorien.

It was an American group from upstate New York. They drove up, a group of 12 people, and they were divided into five groups of 12 that would go out into the middle. You know what it's like in northern Canada. it's like you're in the middle of nowhere right you're going out into lake kippawa in northern quebec and i'll show you the middle of canada yeah i see the middle of canada yeah my friends live in alberta shout out to my friends john and jen what's up they sent me an image you want to pull it up on the big screen jen rivett she sent me a picture of her fucking

backyard yeah and in her backyard there was a giant fucking grizzly bear just wandering around in her backyard hold please look at that that's her yard man what the fuck dude look at the size of that thing yeah not. In her yard. Lucky to see that, actually. That's a 10-foot grizzly bear. I don't know how big it is. But it looks like that could be a 10-foot bear. That's a nice thing to be able to see that.

That's a big bear. Until it's running towards you. See how wide its shoulders are? How much muscle it has in its arms? That's not a small bear. Look at the size in the big picture. Beautiful. What in the Christ?

Jesus! They have them up there where they have to shut school down sometimes, like where their kids go to school. Look at the size in the big picture. Beautiful. What in the Christ? Jesus. They have them up there where they have to shut school down sometimes, like where their kids go to school. It'll just wander through the fucking schoolyard. A grizzly bear. Jesus. And they're probably just used to it. I've got a friend who lives in Pasadena.

The bear comes down every year and eats avocados out of his tree. Clearly my friend's doing well. He's got avocado trees in his yard. He's balling. Yeah. That's a low-key flex. Yeah. Yeah, bears eat my avocado trees.

What? You got an avocado tree? See what he did there? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll let you know about his avocados. Oh, yeah. But, you know, no, he, we'll talk about him later, but he's a great guy.

Incredible, talented, genius guy. But we're talking about Northern Canada, so they put you up there. So I was out there eight weeks out there. Make a man out of you type deal? Kind of. Well, when my dad was a kid, he joined the cadets. He joined the army. Left school, joined the army. He went back to school. He got a college degree later. Just to clarify, dad, if you're watching. But he is watching too, by the way. My parents are watching. Don't tell them you're watching but he is watching too by the way my parents are watching so um so you know you're on oh they know

but uh listen so it was sort of this you know you got to know how to be a man you know how to deal with nature and i went out and i i'd grown up fishing with my dad, a lot of fishing, never hunting, but a lot of fishing, you know, Northern pike, large mouth bass, you know, I like, I love fishing. And, and I was actually the, you know, the only Canadian on this tour. And we'd go out into the middle of nowhere. We'd do it every day. There'd be a, like a sometimes up to three kilometer long portage where you'd have to take. So today we're doing a portage. We're going to take all our bags,

all our food, all our supplies. We're going to walk for three miles or whatever, three kilometers. Is that what you call a portage? Portage, yeah, a portage. When you pick up, you- I thought it was portage. Oh yeah, no, it's French, French Canadian.

Oh. Because the voyagers, right, were the French Canadian fur traders who came down from northern Canada with the Hudson's Bay Company selling their beaver pelts and all this stuff. The portage, right? That's funny because that was the first time I've ever heard that said. You're thinking of Portage Avenue in Winnipeg, which is a mistake? No.

Okay. I'm not. I'm thinking of Portage like carrying things. It'd be hilarious if it was a Winnipeg thing that you were thinking of. I don't think I've ever heard the word said or said it myself. Portage, yeah. Okay, sorry. French-Canadian.

But I digress. Oui, oui. But so it was a lot of work, you know, and you'd have to carry your canoe and then you'd have to go back three miles and then you'd have to pick up all your food and all that stuff. It was a pretty intense thing, you know.

What they had was every two weeks a float plane would come in would land they'd resupply the 12 groups of people and then everyone would go off in their own direction so we were off there with like you know maybe 12 people and i don't think they would do this anymore it's like one instructor guy who was probably 25 years old and i was 14 with a bunch of 14 year olds and uh you know it fishing and, you know, I love it. I love being out there in the middle of nowhere. Fishing is so fun.

It's such a great feeling to, like, catch something and then cook it. Like, if you can cook it, like, within a close amount of time to when you just caught it. Yeah. I grew up. It just sparks those primal fires. Yeah.

Largemouth bass, you know. Largemouth bass. Ate a lot of largemouth bass over the years. Sorry, people. A lot of people don't like eating largemouth bass. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. They were prevalent in this lake we went to.

Largemouth bass, northern pike, and smallmouth, which put up a better fight than the largemouth. Oh, yeah. Smallmouths are tough. They taste better, too. What's your favorite lure for what situation? I always like topwater lures because it's exciting when they hit. Okay. Yeah.

If you have a topwater – Like a jitterbug or a rapala? Yeah, or a rapala. Yeah, you're twitching it, and then you see something come up and smash the water. That's always the most exciting to me. But I like fishing with all kinds of lure, spinners and crankbaits. I used to like casting crankbaits into lily pads for bass.

That was fun because you can kind of pull it across the surface of the water and you see the bass explode. What crankbait? What's that? That might be, I don't know that term.

Crankbait is a, it's got like a skirt, like the flowy skirt on one side. The rubber worm type of thing over the hook. Well, it's a, what is it called? It's called,

I think it's called a crank, I think that's called a crankbait. I'm saying it wrong. It's a little different terminology is with Canada and the U.S. too. It's got a little metal thing, like a wire, and it connects on one side. It's just, I think they would either call it, I don't think they would call it a spinner. A spinner is like a small little lure that spins when you pull it through the water. That's a crankbait.

I'm using the wrong terminology. That's like a fat lip one that you can move on. I've used a lot of those, too. I think I call those jitterbugs. But what are the ones where there's the spinner on one side and the... God damn it. I forget the word. It looks like there's a coat hanger almost in between the two of them. And on one side...

Those are pretty big, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For like musky and stuff. I think they would... Maybe you would call it a... You wouldn't call it a spinner. Yeah. Just a lure of some sort.

Spinner bait. That's it. Spinner bait. Okay. That's what it is. I had a pattern I pretty much used. Spinners for bass. I put a worm on it.

See what that looks like? Oh, yeah, yeah. I never knew what to call that. Those are... Yeah. It's been so long since I used one of these. But that's a little spinner on the end of it. I used to use one of these like literally 30 years ago. Yeah. I put a spinner with a worm on it for bass. I like to use Rapalas. The best fishing experience I ever had was nighttime with my dad. I was probably six years old. We were in a canoe.

It was, you know, when you're up past midnight and we're going along. We was up late that night. It was, maybe it was probably 10 o'clock, but it felt like midnight because it was up late as a kid. And I was like literally six and we were going along the shoreline pitch black hardly seeing anything there's like a lot of mosquitoes up there too and I had a floating lure

I think it was a Rapala I think it was a jitterbug they make that sound along the top and this bass hit it it was a four pound bass I got it in, in the canoe got it in, we went canoe, got it in. We went back to shore.

We were at this little cottage. My parents had this little, tiny little cabin when I was growing up. The neighbors came out because they heard how excited we were. We were yelling, I got, look at the thing, I got the biggest bass. Okay, got it. Looked excited. We went back out and I got another one. The first cast so and

those kind of memories are why I do love getting out into the woods I went then for the bass family those memories are equally horrific and then grandpa grandpa goes out that goes where's my son yeah and he and he grabs a hold of the worm to all catch and release now whenever I fish, but back in the day, it wasn't like that. Catching and release sounds fucked up to me. Yeah, well, clearly, yeah. I think that that is a fucked up thing to do. Yeah.

I don't not support it. I don't say you shouldn't do it. It's like an alien abduction, right? Yeah, there's something kind of fucked up about it. It's like shooting a deer and knocking it out with a slingshot to the head, but then letting it go. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing something really fucked up to that fish.

Yeah. And you're making it vulnerable. Yeah. Well. I get it. It's fun. I haven't fished a lot in the last few years, but I do. My parents live on a nice lake up in Quebec, actually.

And whenever I go home to visit them, it's like being on vacation. We go out in the boat and we catch some northern pike a lot of people like barbless fly fishing never fly fished they fly fish without a barb so they can release the fish very easily so it never gets like stuck inside like Jesus Christ the whole point of the barb is it keeps the fish on the hook

so they always get off all the time they don't always get off you keep tension on the line sometimes you're okay but the point is like you're not even pretending you want to keep that fish. Like, you're just putting a hook in its head and bringing it out into your world and then going, psych, and letting it go. There's definitely some times when you catch a fish and you hook it wrong and you feel bad because it's not a pleasant thing. Well, in that case, it's not as much because you can get those barbless hooks out easier. But it's just, it's weird that like most of fly fishing, like when they fly fish for trout, a lot of it is catch and release.

A lot. So there's like a whole industry built around torturing these little fishies that think they're going to get a fly. And it's just to give you that rush. Oh, I got one. I got one. This is like primal caveman rush of stripping in that line. Oh, I got him. I got him.

And bringing that fish up to the shore and thinking this is going to sustain you and your family. And you're like, psych, I'm going to Burger King. And you let that little fucker lose. You ever get those moments? I just had one moment like this where I'm sitting here and I'm looking at you, you know, in front of the American flag on the show. I watch the show all the time. And I'm sitting here and it's just, it's awesome, man.

Yes. Thank you. Congratulations on being a citizen. You're an American citizen now. Exactly. I just became a U.S. citizen. You're one of us. But we don't trust you enough to be president.

So step, step the fuck back. I was not born here. I will never be president. You can't be president unless you're born on this patch of dirt. Don't worry, everybody. There's an imaginary line in the sand, and you were born on the wrong side of it, son. No need to worry. I will never be president of the United States.

I wish I was born somewhere else. I wish I could never be president. I'd like to be born in Cuba. Because that's going to be a lot of work when you're president. I don't want to be president. I'll never be president. I'd like to be born in Cuba. Because that's going to be a lot of work when you're president. I don't want to be president. I'll never be president. I'm never running for any office. You ever thought about getting into politics? No, that's not my place. My place is to talk shit and be ill-informed about many things and cause a lot of people to discuss these things because I'm ill-informed. I incite discussion.

My place is not to lead. I don't think anybody's place is to be president. I really don't. I think it's a ridiculous proposition. I don't think anybody's capable of handling it correctly. That's why we don't like anybody who's ever done it. Nobody's ever done it. We like. It's a tough – you can't please everybody.

You can't. You really can't. No. It's a lose-lose proposition. Yeah, if you want to be the guy who runs the whole thing, you've got to please everybody. And then there's all these different styles of running the whole thing, right? That's one of the more interesting things about America. We have essentially 50 styles of running the whole thing because we have 50 states, right?

So we have all these different people that are in control of these different states. And, you know, we get to see how they do it. Like Arizona lets you just carry a gun everywhere. Go ahead, take a gun, go wherever we want, you know? And California is like, fuck that. It's going to be harder, harder to get a gun. New York city is even harder. Different places let you have different laws in terms of like Louisiana, like New Orleans, you can walk around with an open alcohol container. Nobody cares. Walk through the street in New Orleans with a beer and drinking out of that beer, they won't say a word.

I've had some good times in New Orleans. It's normal. It's normal. So there's different styles of running the whole show. Yeah. It's interesting. It's interesting. And then, you know, with the fact that you are under a microscope and you can't please

anybody and- Can't please everybody. You definitely can please somebody. Yeah. As long as you're pleasing yourself, right? Like what you would do, like don't be offensive to you. If you were watching, would you be watching this going, this corny motherfucker's full of shit. Would you be watching and saying that?

Or would you be watching going, that's probably a difficult position to be in. But in that position, that guy is showing some character. He's showing some grace. He's showing some some grace he's showing some some compassion you know that's what you hope for but it's you gotta the whole thing is weird anytime you're talking like this and people are listening and how many people are listening millions like that's the what does that number even mean like how many stars are there does that mean anything to you anymore it's like well the universe has been around for 13 billion years. Like, you lost me.

I don't, I don't, those, these numbers are too big. I don't understand what they are. Yeah. But what you can control is how you would view yourself. Yeah. And, you know, and that's important for comedy, too, because there's a lot of people out there doing stand-up that don't do stand-up for themselves. They don't do shit they would go to see. They do things they think will work.

They're basically like a plumber. Like, I need this size wrench to go onto that pipe and crank it, crank it, crank it. Uh-huh. You know, as an artist, you know, as a... I mean, it's a fucking

highfalutin word for stand-up comedy, but it's kind of accurate in just in semantical terms, right? So what you're trying to do is you're creating something, right? But are you creating something for you, like, that you would like? Are you creating something that you think the

general public will enjoy? So that comes across too. People, whether they know it or not, they could smell weakness. They smell bullshit. They smell when you're not really tuned in. You know? Like, have you ever had that moment on stage where you're telling a joke, but you're not really thinking about it as clearly as you should be? And even though you're saying the words right, people aren't laughing because they're not connected to you. You're not connected to the joke. They're not connected to you. So there's some weird shit going on.

It's not just the words. there's some weird shit going on. It's not just the words There's some weird shit going on. There's an understanding of your authenticity That people either have or they don't have if you don't feel authentic They're like you get a certain amount of people to pay attention But after a while you're gonna lose them Yeah Because they know they're not okay and everybody's trying to be locked in everybody's trying to be authentic Everybody's trying to be off that if you're not a sociopath you're trying to be locked in. Everybody's trying to be authentic. Everybody's trying to be authentic. If you're not a sociopath, you're trying to be authentic.

You're trying to be better than who you were yesterday. Because we all realize that this is a complicated game and no one's great at it. Everyone's fucking up. The game of life is a mess, right? It's a war zone. So you're trying to get better. And so you want to pay attention to other people that are trying to get better. And people that are legitimately tuned in.

People that are legitimately sensitive. People that are legitimately expressing themselves in an honest way. It's very nourishing because it makes you realize it's possible. And that's what we all give each other. We all give each other through these moments of grace and these moments of intuition, these moments of inspiration, of observation. Sometimes you have the ability to express a thought that you didn't have yesterday. Like a thought will come into your head and you'll be able to express it to people. And then they say it and then they, then they'll say it back to you and you start talking and you realize like, oh, you just popped into something. You just, this is it. That's right there. I found something. I found something about myself

and I found something that maybe you could relate to and then other people listen go Oh, and if they know you really did find something they know you're not bullshitting. They listen to it and they go hmm. Is he right? Maybe he's not maybe I think differently and then they can maybe think their own I and now all this shit branches off from that But it's a long as you're authentic. You can be wrong. We're all gonna be wrong But are you authentic? Mm-hmm. That's what everybody really wants. People say they want honesty. They certainly want honesty But honest and stupid and unaware that's not helping anybody. You want authentic Yeah Well, I mean

That's what that's why we love doing this, right? Yes. That's why you were saying you keep getting better. The more you do stand-up, you're getting more and more authentic. You're figuring out what resonates the most with you, the way you think, the way you perform. feel like there's going to be and we sort of touched on this but when this thing ends i feel like stand-up comedians are going to be so happy to be back on stage and have had a break you know because so many comedians have been go go go go go for years is this the longest you've been without being on stage in your life i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure now have you ever taken uh five weeks off of getting on stage yeah i've taken I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure now. Have you ever taken five weeks off of getting on stage? Yeah, I've taken a little time off here and there. And I was trying to think of how many months was the most... There was one period of time where I did take a couple months

off. I think it was when I was moving from Colorado to LA. I think it was around 2009. I think I took a couple months off. And then you probably came back from that, renewed. Yeah, I think it might have been right after I filmed my special too. I think I filmed a special, and then I think I took some time off after that, which I like to do sometimes, just kind of reset my perspective, make sure I'm not bullshitting. Like I'm talking about things I'm actually interested in. So sometimes when you're working too much, like one thing that does happen with stand-ups,

they spend all their time either traveling or doing stand-up, you're not living enough. And if you're not living enough, you don't see enough things that you have an opinion on, you're thinking about your career, you're thinking about your set list, you're thinking about a lot of shit that doesn't factor in with the, you know, it's very narrow-minded in a sense. So not only have all of comedy, every comedian has been forced to take a break to go do something else, but also to do something else during a crazy, scary time where we're all being forced to think about our mortality, think about the world, think about the environment, think about and then think about your fuck-ups, think about

ex-girlfriends, oh apologies too. Yeah. Think about friends you miss, think about people that you wish were still alive, think about things you could have done better, times you could have hit the brakes faster, times you could have been driving slower, times you could have been a little less drunk time all the everything

everybody's ever done a time you did a thing when you were a kid you wish you had that done and want to sending you to juvenile home and there's a lot of people that have made these that happen to you that never happened to me no i'm just making up stories i'm like stephen king right now yeah making a novel creating a character but happening things that happened to me. I'm just making up stories. I'm like Stephen King right now. Making a novel. Creating a character. But things that happened to you that went wrong, things that you did wrong. But when you're go, go, go all the time, sometimes you get stuck in a pattern of momentum, right? Where you don't have enough time to evaluate and go, am I doing the right thing? I think there's a good lesson to be learned in a reset in that you could kind of, if the world is crazy and it's not anything, nothing's the same now. And I think we can all safely say that

when the whole world shuts down, you're not allowed to work and everyone's supposed to stay six feet apart and everyone outside is wearing a mask. When you get to a point like that, you can kind of agree the world's not the same anymore right right so should you be the same should what are you doing what the fuck are you doing with your life what are you doing what are you doing in terms of your friends what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing are you doing the right thing are you fucking up are you eating sugar all day like what are you doing what are you doing well don't do that anymore because now you realize this is all whether it's a simulation or not what's happening right now needs to be addressed what's happening right now is if you don't have

your shit together you're more vulnerable right so get your shit together the renaissance movement i read this on my phone two weeks ago uh the renaissance movement occurred after the Black Plague. Everybody was forced to self-isolate. And then what happened? Oh, the greatest shift in thinking and art and literature in the history of the world. Plus, it probably killed a lot of people. Yeah. Made room. Yeah.

People came out of that and the whole, everything changed after that. And I sometimes wonder if that could happen here, if we come out and everything could change in a positive way. For sure. In a positive way. Also, through this, surviving that experience, you probably feel incredibly lucky. So you feel fortunate. So you feel like you want to get things done and accomplish things and go for things that maybe you held back on before because you want to play it safe. Maybe not give a fuck as much.

Yeah, maybe not give a fuck as much. I'm going to paint a little weird now. I'm not going to do it the way that they've always been doing the painting. I don't know a lot about painting, but I'm going to make the painting weird now. That's a weird way of painting. Hey man, I fucking survived. That's because I don't give a fuck anymore, man.

Dude, the Black Plague. Are you paying attention, bitch? Survived the fucking Black Plague. Sat in my fucking, you know, wherever they lived back then drinking homemade wine yeah banging boys that's what they did i don't know i don't know there's a lot of that i'm sure some of that was going on yeah it's these moments of history where things shift and change i mean clearly often change. I mean, clearly, if you go back to as far as we're aware of, you know, go back to, you know, 1100 AD, pick a spot, pick a year. Now compare that to now. Well, we're definitely better at life now, right? Why did we get better at life? Because there was trials and errors. Just like you get better as a human, we get better at life. You know what bothers me, man? This bothered me. We were just discussing this. I was like, I wonder when I see a civilization like China,

that's like completely in control of their citizens. And it's so old, it's such an old civilization. Like as time goes on, if a civilization lasts a long, long time, does it get just tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter control? And is that what the magic of America is? What the magic of America is, is that it's only been around for 300 years, not even. So like, is that the thing that you have to have a young, fresh movement of freedom? And then eventually human nature sort of fucking chokes it and gets in a rear naked, puts it to sleep.

Is that what happens? Is that over time, life and nature, human nature and greed is basically like a jujitsu black belt. You could defend it for a little while, but eventually it's going to put the choke on you. Is that what it is? Because it seems like all these older civilizations,

when the oldest ones that we're aware of, are run by military dictators the old ones is that because they've always been like that because they were like that thousands of years ago and they're like that still now they never had a chance to make that clean break or is it because as civilizations go on if as long as some power is maintained there's no overthrow of it through this whole cycle they always get to a point where they just try to control the citizens. It's just too difficult.

And I want all the money and I want all the bitches and I'm going to shoot the bombs and I'm going to control the people and I want all the food. The people are used to it and they accept it. Let them eat ice cream. It's weird. You know, I went to China for the first time in my life one year ago. Okay. Strangely enough. I'd never been there

before I don't know another thing that happened a year earlier that it's perfect for your life one year ago I did a show in Hong Kong and I did a show in Shanghai with your show and the cancer and the thing that I find interesting about China though is having had never been there before Hong Kong of course that's different right you know, right? It's a British colony and it's very – but Shanghai, same thing. That was the only part of communist China that I went to, Shanghai, right? And you get there and they got a Louis Vuitton store. Everybody's walking around shopping. You drive from the airport.

I'm thinking it's going to be some – driving from the airport, there'sions i'm like well i thought i you know i'm crazy rich asians i was like why yeah exactly and i'm like well i thought i was saying to the guy that picked me up the airport i'm saying well i thought this was a communist how come how come they have big mansions he's all it's not really the way it works and it's sort. And it's just sort of the economic system's not communist. I forget even how he explained it to me, but you sort of got over there and you realize like, it didn't seem a whole lot different, to be honest with you. I went to a mall, you know, they had one of the pianos in the mall. Anybody can play. You know, I sat down and played, people came around, you know, like just the same kind of dumb shit that

they got here, you know? And, you know, so I came back from that thinking, okay, well, I mean, obviously I know it's a lot different, but we're also all so the same too. It's very strange, you know? So I don't know. Have you been to China? I've been to Taiwan. Never been to China. That's the thing about when we tour doing stand-up. Is that a thing that kind of bothers you sometimes when you go somewhere you've never been before and you get there and it's exactly the same? Where has it ever been exactly the same?

Well, it's like I remember the first time I went to Australia. You thought Australia was exactly the same? Well, you got there and it was like that. Within five minutes, I went to a Starbucks. Oh, I did a USO tour. That's a bad example. A better example is I went to a USO tour. So I'm thinking I'm going to the Middle East.

We got to Bahrain. We landed in Bahrain, went to the Marriott. Okay. And then we said, can we take a walk? You can take a walk. We took a walk. There was a Dairy Queen. I ended up getting Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I had some Kentucky Fried Chicken in Bahrain after I've just flown to the other side of the world. And I was thinking, this is going to be so different. And it wasn't that much different. It sounds like you were at a military base. So, well, in Bahrain, we were staying at a Marriott and then we went into Kuwait and then we went into... So where'd you get the Kentucky Fried Chicken? Were you in town or was it a military base?

In Bahrain, we weren't on the base. In Bahrain, we were in town. It was whatever the city is in Bahrain. We weren't on the base Bahrain. We were in town It was whatever the city isn't but it's almost to me More exciting that when you would go to a place like that already be corrupted by McDonald's There's something there's something ridiculously thrilling. Look, I would love to land somewhere. Don't get me wrong I would love to land somewhere and deal only with the authentic culture to land somewhere and deal only with the authentic culture. But there's also something kind of weird about flying for 18 hours and landing in some country and ordering a Big Mac and seeing it being served up by people who live in this strange

land, different than you, grew up in a different environment, different culture, different language, different alphabet. Here you are eating a quarter-pounder in the same place it's like there's something about it that I like when things don't make any sense I like when things are haywire I like when you're like what in the fuck have you done there's something about that that I like and I like a Burger King in the middle of Thailand I like it yeah I don't want to eat there I don't want to eat there. I don't want to eat there. But there's part of me that's like the ridiculous folly of humans and their decision-making and, and, and, and what we do and what we don't do. I'm thrilled by it. Yeah. I'm thrilled by ridiculous videos of dudes getting

on a slip and slide, trying to ride a fucking beer keg down the side of a hill when you know, it's going to go wrong. I'm thrilled by that you know this is a part of me that I'm trying to really suppress that I'm not thrilled by people dying from this virus I'm not thrilled by you if you feel ill I'm not thrilled by any of that I'm not thrilled by anybody suffering but I'm thrilled by chaos I'm thrilled by the fact that this whole system gets thrown into a fucking, just a blender and spun around and no one knows what's going to get spit out. And a lot of these people, you're getting really clearly revealed that they're frauds. These people that are in positions

of leadership are bizarre human beings that don't even live in reality. I was watching Nancy Pelosi trying to dance her way out of saying that in February she was telling people to go to Chinatown, hang out, have a good time, don't worry about it. You were doing the same thing you're accusing the president of doing. You're accusing Trump of not warning people. Well, you didn't warn anybody either. Everyone's playing gotcha with this. Nobody saw what the fuck was coming. Like I said, the fucking World Health Organization in a tweet was saying it can't be transmitted from person to person.

No one knew. So this is all this chaos of all these people getting revealed. I like it. Yeah. I like it. There's part of it that I like. I enjoy it. I understand it. Yeah. I like it. There's part of it that I like. I enjoy it. I understand that, yeah. One thing that we have above all the people that live before us is that we have more access to information.

We see the flaws better. We see the flaws better. Whereas before we were lied to and bullshitted. Now you can see it better. It doesn't mean those flaws aren't going to exist, but people are gonna have to be they're gonna have to be authentic They're not authentic right now Like when you see someone the record will show that I was there in Chinatown to tell people to not be racist The record will show you can't do that anymore. You can't do that anymore. We demand you be authentic

Mm-hmm, and if you made a mistake Like that like in February look man If you were hanging out with me in February and we were barbecuing, I'd be like, it's probably the flu. People are going to get sick. They're going to die. But I'm not a fucking expert. OK, I'm not a politician. And if I said that, I'd be like, man, was I wrong? Here's why I thought that.

Here's what I wouldn't say. The record will show. The reason why I said that is I want you to not be racist to Chinese people. The reason why I said that is I want you to not be racist to Chinese people. If you believe that, this is some intricate plot that Nancy Pelosi had to sort of stop racism against Chinese people. Nonsense! Right. You were talking shit and the world changed.

And it was the same as, was it the Secretary of Health in New York City? Who was it that was telling people to go out, take the subway? I forget who it was. But there was this lady. She had a bad call, right? But nobody knew the World Health Organization's telling people it can't be transmitted from person to person at one point in time No one knew it's a new thing. You know where mistakes made of course They're made this isn't who's the perfect person in real time in the middle of fucking pandemic crisis that person doesn't exist They don't have access to the information to make perfect decisions, you have to have all the information. Was some of it ignored?

Yeah, because it was conflicting information. So it has to be sifted through. Is hydroxychloroquine? Turns out that stuff kills more people than not using it. Oops. Yeah, whoops. That's not good. But then there's some other stuff.

What is the new stuff that the nurse was telling us about? Rems. Res. Yeah, rems. And by the way, I feel good about. You feel good about getting that antibody test. Yes. that the nurse was telling us about? REMS. Yeah, REMS. And by the way, I feel good about... You feel good about getting that antibody test. Yeah. It's good to know.

It's interesting. Well, I feel good about that, and I really feel good about... I guess it was what we're saying. It was the UCLA study that was saying that it has a much smaller rate of mortality than was initially thought. So early antibody testing,

we talked about this. So wait, how did they determine that? Is it because more people are being tested and fewer people are? No, this is how they do it. As they're testing people, they're realizing far more people have had the virus and survived. From the antibody test? Yes, from the antibody test. Not just

far more, but on a magnitude of whatever. They thought it was like 2,000. It turns out it's far more, but on a magnitude of whatever. They thought it was like 2,000. It turns out it's like 400,000. Or they thought it was 20,000, and it's 400,000 is the most. And through that, they've determined it has a much lower fatality rate than they initially anticipated. They were thinking it was going to be like 5%, 10% fatality rate. It's like one half of 1%. But that doesn't mean it's not dangerous.

It just means that it's not as dangerous as the worst case scenario could have been. Like if it was like the H1N1, which I think some crazy number. A billion infected, I think. But no, I mean as far as fatality rate. For certain people, it's a very high rate of fatality. This was not as bad as that. But they didn't know. They didn't know.

But they did do the social distancing with H1N1. Everyone didn't go, we didn't do this whole shutdown. So then you go, well, maybe if we hadn't done the shutdown, it would have been way worse. They took some steps. I don't know what the steps were. This was during the Obama administration. I think it was 2009. Bert Kreischer thinks he had it.

He said he felt worse than he's ever felt in his life. I have a friend who, in December, had the worst flu he ever had. It was a weird flu. I have a few friends who've had that. This has been around longer than we know. I mean, they said the first case was in January. That was in December. I don't know.

Who knows? But, well, you know, I mean. You've got to take care of your immune system, folks. This is number one. You've got to shore up the troops. Take care of the troops. They're going to fight the war for you. If you have an army and your army is malfed

and you're feeding them junk food and bullshit and you're pumping them full of cigarettes, you expect them to fight with all they have. What they have is going to be less. Okay? It doesn't mean they're not going to fight to the death or whatever, but what they have is going to be less than if you took

that army and fed them healthy food and gave them eight hours rest a night and taught them how to meditate and kept stress low, like legitimately. And that's how you have to think about your immune system. The same way you would think about an army. Think about your immune system as this is going to be what protects you from the invaders. And the invaders are invisible viruses and they exist and they've always existed and we know it this is not a rumor this is not alchemy this is not nonsense this is a fucking scientific fact and even knowing that scientific fact beautifully intelligent people that are some of the most creative and innovative people the world has ever known still ignore their own physical health because they don't think of it as a primary concern.

They think of it as a frivolous, egocentric, narcissistic endeavor to look good and work out. And what are you going to wear fucking tank tops and flex your guns? Get the fuck out of here. I'm doing research. But we all need to take care of our bodies. This is something that needs to be like, it should be like brushing your goddamn teeth. Did your teeth fall out of your head? Well, hey, stupid, you should have brushed your fucking teeth.

All right? Did your body start falling apart? Yeah. Hey, stupid, did you do your exercises every day? You didn't? You don't exercise every day. I can't help you. You're not helping yourself.

Exercise. Exercise. Doesn't mean you have to be Mr. Olympia. you're not helping yourself exercise doesn't mean you have to be mr olympia means you should be doing jump rope or push-ups or whatever you're physically physically you can if you have some limitations whatever you can withstand walk around your block with ankle weights on do something fucking do something man eat right do it so you have such a huge responsibility here you know that obviously but but because you have so many people watching this show, okay? Are you trying to freak me out, Tom Green?

A little bit. You're responsible. It's all your responsibility. You're responsible for me doing this. How about that? Ultimately, you. I'm like your kid. Yeah, you know, Patrice used to say that about comedians that imitated him.

They're my babies. Patrice used to say, like, David Tell's got a lot of babies out there. Because there's a lot of people imitating David Tell. But you have a lot of babies, and I'm one of your babies. Patrice, you say, like, David Tell's got a lot of babies out there because there's a lot of people imitating David Tell. But you have a lot of babies, and I'm one of your babies. How about that? That's very nice of you to say. That's hilarious. I'm the baby of you and Opie and Anthony and Howard Stern.

If you, Howard Stern, and Opie and Anthony got together in a gangbang with Terrence McKenna, I'm all your babies. I'm all your babies. That is very kind of you to say. It's a fact. I'm sitting here on your incredible show with everybody is riveted by your show. And when you say something, it matters, which is different than when you do a show on your – I do a podcast now. I've got a few people listening, but it's not – it doesn't matter, right? That's a responsibility.

So it's a responsibility of the people listening. But when you say something here, it will affect the entire society. You have people now who don't believe in the stay-home order. They're out in – Well, they should. They should until the actual scientific experts tell them that they should go out. But here's the thing. Right.

Who are the experts, and are they different in different states? And I think that's one of the benefits of having 50 states. When I was talking about the different styles of living, Arizona lets you have a gun. Just carry it on your hip, right? You can't do that in San Francisco, right? There's different styles of living. Let's find out what different styles are the right way to reopen the world.

We know the world's got to be reopened. Okay, we're not going to just stay in our house forever. We're going to run out of food. We have to do things. So do we have to do things after the vaccination and can our society survive that? Do you know how many people are committing suicide right now? A friend of mine was

I heard you said Nick Swartzen. I said it yesterday. Sorry, Nick. He told me he was talking to this sheriff and the sheriff said they used to deal with one suicide a week. Now they're doing five a day. This is something that needs to be factored in. Another thing, there's a Bloomberg, there was an article that was written that were talking about the drop in the economy equivalent

to a loss of a certain number of lives. And that every time the economy drops a certain percentage, it's equal to X amount of lives. We might get to a place where it's conceivable that more lives are lost because of the ensuing depression and economic shutdown than would have been lost if we didn't close down anything and we just let everybody get sick. It is a complicated thing. And this is one thing that we have to really rely on the people that are supposed to be in power to address accurately and honestly. No one knows the right way to do this. There are some real good protocols that are in place for keeping people healthy and protecting each other and staying away from each other as much as possible and wiping things down and using hand sanitizer and stopping the spread.

Yes, for sure. But no one knows how to get this thing started again. No one knows what's going to happen. No one knows what the risks are. Are we going to wait? And in the meantime, what about the other diseases that are still around? What about the colds and the flus? What about all that stuff?

You know what kills more people than any of these things, including COVID-19 projections? Heart attacks. Yeah. Heart attacks killing people left and right. How come there's no alarms to stop people from dying of heart attacks? Heart disease was number one. Like the flu and all these other things that we're all terrified of. There's this lack of, first of all, lack of information, not knowing.

I mean, you don't know if you can prevent this, right? You know you've eaten well and you look after yourself, you'd be less likely to have a heart attack. But you don't know if you can breathe. You can't breathe in a heart attack. Well, and then the heart attack thing is all dependent upon your genetics as well. There's some people that have a predisposition to heart attacks. But what, you know, like, again, I guess I asked this already, but like, that's a lot of pressure, Joe. I guess I asked this already, but like, that's a lot of pressure, Joe.

I mean, because if you say something wrong and it's sending people, so you must, I'm just kind of curious how much time do you spend researching? Because you know, you know, so much information. I talk out of my ass 99% of the time. I have Jamie Google things to correct me in midstream. So is it instinct? Is it, are you able to see sort of the you able to see sort of the truth through the bullshit? And then you kind of, because I mean- Well, you sort it out in real time.

Because you're walking a very fine line, and I think you're walking it incredibly well in a way that many, many, many, great many people are not, right? It seems like we're in this world now where because everything's so polarized, oh, I've got to choose to say this because that's what everyone's saying, and they're just kind of saying it because everything's so polarized, oh, I've got to choose to say this because that's what everyone's saying. And they're just kind of saying it because everyone's saying it.

Whereas you definitely straddle that line in a way that to me seems incredibly astute, but also must be some pressure to make sure that you're right. Not until you start telling me about it. Now I'm thinking about it out Tom green well because you could easily be that you could easily be Hey, you should this is bullshit. I told him he was my daddy now. He's being he's being like Now he's he's basically giving me the hard conversation. No, no, no. Are you going to spray down the bottle? Do you want me to pour it for you? I'll pour it. Don't touch it.

Yeah, okay, yeah. That'd be good. Don't be scared. Jesus Christ. I'm curious because it's fascinating to me. Thank you. How do I do it? Yeah, how do you make those determinations?

Because a lot of people have made mistakes, right? Yeah, I make mistakes too. A lot of commentators have made mistakes who have said things. I make mistakes too. I make mistakes too. If you're doing 1,500 whatever the fuck shows plus fight companions and shit, I don't know, JRE, MMA shows,

there's another 50 of those at least, right? 100? Jesus. We're living in a world now where you make one mistake, I take that clip and they put it out there. They've already done that. That's okay, go ahead.

Keep going. Do it again. It's this, the number, the vast number of interactions that most people have with each other are positive. Right? Otherwise, the world would be a war zone. Most of the time, you're dealing with people like, hey, how you doing?

Hey, what's up? Hey, this. The same thing with podcasts. The vast majority of the stuff that you do is going to be good. There's going to be moments where some guy, you were taking a left turn and he honked at you and you said, fuck you. And he said, no, fuck you. And you're like, that guy's got a bad opinion of you. You got a bad opinion of him. That's going to happen

too. Well, that's the same in podcasts. It's going to be these moments where things just fall apart or go off the rails. It's got to accept it. It is what it is. And how do you decide to not and I don't feel like you do have an agenda to change or change things in any sort of premeditated direction. You're just – you're trying to be honest. People don't want you to change things.

Because everyone has an agenda, right? You say this about Nancy Pelosi or you say this about whoever on right, left, right, left. They got an agenda. Oh, I can't say this even though I believe, because that's not going to work with the narrative. That seems crazy. I don't have an agenda. Yeah, yeah. I can tell.

You just want to be real. Well, I just want to be able to talk to friends about stuff that's actually happening. That's it. But if I have an agenda at all, it's I want people to do better. Me included. I mean, there's one of the's I want people to do better, me included. I mean, there's one of the things that I like to do. Is that possible at this point? Sure, for sure.

Are you going to do better? With everything. Really? With stand-up, with archery. Yeah. I get better at playing pool the more I practice. Okay. Maybe you get better at pool, maybe.

Doing Muay Thai, doing martial arts. The more you do it, the more you think about how you're doing it, and the more you realize, oh, there's a lot of stuff I could learn here uh-huh that's what i want people to do i want people to find things and and try to get better at them doesn't mean try to be the best doesn't mean be obsessed with it there's something that you get out of trying to be better and whether it's better physically like if you choose just like to develop a better like people like look down at bodybuilding a lot of people look down at bodybuilding like oh fucking meatheads isn't it okay that's great some the sometimes people fit the stereotype but there's kind of

something cool about someone say I'm gonna tear turn my body into a work of art I'm gonna develop a freakish physique where I look like the Incredible Hulk in a comic book yeah And I'm just going to be walking around everywhere with cut-off shirts on. What you're doing is kind of weird, but it's kind of interesting, too. We just decide that it's stupid because we don't do it. We decide that it's stupid because I don't want to be 320 pounds with 28-inch arms and fucking walking around. But some people do.

And there's kind of something interesting about watching someone do that to their body. There's something weird about it. It's a weird pursuit. At what point does it cross that line with bodybuilding? You're healthy. You're working out. You're getting – clearly, I work out. No, but you're working out.

All of a sudden, you're starting to go, hey, I'm getting close to that line where – like remember Joe Piscopo? I loved Joe Piscopo. You got real jacked at one point in time. I loved, because I was in the eighth grade and Johnny Dangerously came out.

You're farging ice holes and it was like, he was the funniest thing to me. I loved him. That was a great movie. Johnny Dangerously. I forgot about that movie. Johnny Dangerously reference.

That's a great movie, man. That was a fun movie. I remember in the eighth grade we were coming in, you farging ice holes and we thought it was so hilarious because we're swearing, but we're not really swearing. But then all of a sudden, he became Arnold Schwarzenegger. And that was like, there was a decision that got made there at that point.

I'm just curious because I'm not really around a lot of the, I don't go to the gym. I don't know if you can tell. Do you work out at home? I don't know if you can tell, but I don't go to the gym. Do you work out at home? I walk. I walk a lot. So you're just trying to stay alive?

Pretty much, yeah. You like the Bee trying to stay alive? Pretty much, yeah. You like the Bee Gees? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. When I'm on the road and there's a gym in the hotel, great song. Yeah, great song. Maybe once a month I'll go to the gym. Once a month's a good number. It's better than zero times a month.

Once a month on the road. Once a month's not the worst thing. Yeah. Zero times a month is bad. But I the road. Once a month's not the worst thing. Yeah. Because zero times a month is bad. But I walk a lot and I touch my toes. I stretch. Mmm. Dangerous. Living dangerous.

Yeah, you're alive. You should do more than that. Get a trainer. You got some cash. I need more exercise. Why don't you get a trainer? Once all this boils over, get some dude to come over in a hazmat suit and show you how to do burpees. I just worry. I don't even know what a burpee is. It's a fun exercise. You stand there, you jump up, right? You drop down, you do a push up,

back to your feet, jump up. And that's one. That's one revolution. And you keep going. Anytime I do any sort of organized exercise, I feel great. Why don't you do it more often, then? I need to. It's a weird thing. Come on. That's what I'm talking about. It's like this weird sort of you know you got to do it.

I often make the decision, because I've made this decision every time I go to a new hotel when I'm on the road. I say, this weekend, I'm going to work out. I pack my gym clothes. I put them in the thing. I say, okay, tomorrow morning when I get up, I'm going to go to a new hotel when I'm on the road, I say, this weekend, I'm going to work out. I pack my gym clothes. I put them in the thing. I say, okay, tomorrow morning when I get up, I'm going to go to the gym. Then I get up in the morning, and then I just like go get lunch. Do you brush your teeth? Do you take a shit?

I do. Go to the gym. I do. Just go to the gym. It's like don't give yourself an out. The problem is you give yourself an out. Yeah. Like you can't give yourself an out.

Why do I do that, though? Steven Pressfield wrote about it in The War of art yeah it's a great book if you haven't read it the war of art it's a real small book i used to have a stack of them i used to hand them out to guests he talks about um this thing that we all have everyone has not just me i mean everybody that does anything has and it's like this voice in your head that wants you to do nothing this voice in your head and he calls it resistance yeah and he talks about this resistance that is in your head and that you have to decide that you are a professional this is what a professional does professional goes to work and they they they give in muse, okay, the concept of the muse, whether or not it's real.

But the concept of the muse is you settle in and receive creativity almost like as a divine gift from this magical entity, the muse. Now, whether or not it's real is not important. What's important is if you treat it as if it's real it does work and what works is if you dedicate your time and your focus like realistically with a professional disciplined effort to creativity you show up every day like a professional but you show up to be creative if you just do it on a regular basis ideas will come to you where are these ideas coming from well his his concept was to think of it as you're a professional and you're getting these ideas from the muse. And this is what you do.

You show up and you do the work. You focus on it. And these ideas will come to you. And that's really true. If you really stop and think about it. If you write something, whether it's the most brilliant thing you've ever written or whether you're not good at editing and it turns out to be dog shit you're still, where is that coming from man you're just sitting down in front of your laptop

and these thoughts are coming to you and all of a sudden you're talking about a kid who's riding a bike and he gets attacked by a werewolf like where the fuck is this coming from if it's not coming from the muse where is it coming from well it's coming from my creativity.

Okay. Do you know how to access your creativity like you can blink? No, you don't. Do you know how to access your activity like you can lick something or perform any sort of physical function that's repeatable? No, you don't. It's a non-repeatable thing. Treat it like it's magic. But treat it like you're a professional and you show up to engage with

the magic. So every day at the same time, you sit down in front of your keyboard and you start working and just put in the work and put in the work and force yourself to do it. You force it like a muscle, like the same muscle that you develop when you go running every day. And then you get to the point where like seven days in, you start fucking feeling good running. Right. Right.

So you start to feel like you're good at it. You start feeling like you're getting better. Yeah. Because you're putting in the time. I think that's what it is. So with, because I'm very focused on so many things in my life, but for some reason, I think, I'm figuring it out now because you explained it to me. Because when I go to the gym, I feel like I'm not good at it and I feel self-conscious

about it. Of course. And I feel like, oh, I don't really know what I'm doing. Are people looking at me? I don't know how the weight is. Bad inputs. Bad inputs. Right.

Bad feelings. And then you don't like it. Right. So then you don't want to do it again. And then you're next to some goddamn Calvin Klein model with his shirt off. Right. And he looks amazing. Yeah.

You're like, shit! Yeah. Yeah. And he's jacked. And he's posing. Sitting there. He's been working out for 12 years straight. Never took it a day off.

You see those side muscles. You're like, no! Yeah. Just make me feel bad about myself. I'm feeling bad about myself and I don't like that feeling. So I'd rather just not do it. But I do think that, yeah, I guess getting a trainer would help because you have somebody to talk to. You know you're not making mistakes because they're telling you what to do.

They're telling you – not only are they telling you what to do, but they're going to chart progress. And they're going to challenge you. Like a good trainer is – look, it's a very valuable resource. Like if you can afford a trainer, if you can't, there's a lot of great resources online on YouTube. If you can't, there's a lot of great resources online on YouTube. Man, YouTube is for someone who wants to learn exercise routines and wants to learn like a body weight routine that they can do just in their living room. There's never been a better time to be quarantined. You don't have to pay for a gym membership. And this is going to a lot of people going to realize like, hey, if I have a fucking-up bar in my house and one kettlebell, I don't need a gym membership.

I got gravity boots for stretching my back out. I can do sit-ups on that thing. I can do leg lifts. I can do a million different things with kettlebells. Literally a million. Gravity boots? Yeah. Gravity boots, man.

You hang from your ankles. Okay. You never done that? No. Oh, my God. It feels so good. It feels so good. It's like, oh. How often You never done that? No Oh my god It feels so good It feels so good It's like

How often do you do that? I have a thing called It's a teeter And it straps onto your ankles And now you don't have to have the gravity boots anymore You're on a plank And it tilts you upside down You can try it right out here

We have it out here In the studio I have another thing that teeter makes That I like even better It's called the Dex and you hang from your waist. It locks you in like you're going to do a leg curl. I've seen these things, but I can't imagine having gravity boots at home right now by myself just hanging upside down.

The Dex is better for you because the Dex you don't have to hang. You just put your legs in this thing. Don't you think that one feels the best? Oh, yeah. Yeah, because Jamie, you had some back problems. Jamie fell on the hoverboard. I'm sorry I'm laughing, but he's over it. Those hoverboards are fucking dangerous, man.

Those things that you stand on. Oh, right. The little two-wheel things? Yeah. Well, Jamie was learning out here, and we have concrete floors. And Jamie went, whoo! Those are hard. Those went up.

I was playing with my camera while I was doing it. I was doing some shit you shouldn't do. You shouldn't do that. You should concentrate entirely on what you're doing. You want to be distracted when you're learning how to do it. Because you start feeling it. I remember the first time I did it at the Comedy Store, I almost fell, but my friend Tate was there,

Tate the Gorilla, Fletcher. He had a hold of me when I was on this thing. I was like, oh my God, how does anybody ever get good at this? This is so crazy. I'm going to die. And then five minutes later, I was like, whoo. It's like a really quick thing to learn. I tried one once.

And I skateboarded my whole life. And that's still, it's a completely counterintuitive sort of balancing thing. Well, James fucked it. He might have broken his ass bone. Didn't you think he broke your ass bone? I probably did. Oh. I think it took about a year and a half to heal.

Oh. Yeah. He was talking about there was a kind of pain that he had. Then we saw it on a video that was like a similar injury. Zach Bitter was in here and described the exact same thing. That's right. He went to doctors and they couldn't figure it out. That's right.

It was Zach Bitter who is the world record holder for a 100-mile run. He did 100 miles in 11 hours and 40 something minutes Is that what it is which is the most bonkers thing I've ever fucking heard in my life And then he ran a few miles after that wait. What did he do sorry he ran? 100 miles in a row in 11 hours and 40 something minutes ran a hundred miles in a track Oh in a track, it's sorry just went circles He just went circles. For 11 hours. US distance runner Zach Bitter. Shout out to Zach. He's a fucking savage. So that's the fastest you could

run 100 miles. Oh, I'm sorry. 11 hours, 19 minutes. Not even 40 minutes. It's amazing they're measuring that. Like how many people have ever even tried that? A lot. To run 100 miles? Yeah. Because a 4 minute mile was a big thing. He did it in... The 100-mile record, though.

That's a big commitment to break that record. It's crazy. 11 hours, 19 minutes to go 100 miles. It's fucking bonkers. That's bonkers. Wow. I wonder if he would have gotten 100 miles in the same time if he'd just been running on the street.

Obviously not. Well, it all depends on whether or not it was totally flat. There's a lot of factors involved when you're running that long. Like those really savage guys, like my friend Cameron Haynes, he runs that Moab 240. It's through the Moab Mountains. It's 240 miles through the Moab. Like, have you ever seen that terrain? It's chaos, man.

I've heard of the Moab. Where's that again? It's in Utah. Utah, right. Okay. They pull I've heard of the Moab. Where's that again? It's in Utah. Utah, right, okay. They pull up the images from the Moab 240. So this is a whole different thing. So this is not just 240 miles, but this is 240 miles up. I love that we're pulling up videos, by the way.

Like, look at some videos. That's got to be a hilarious thing to be able to have the ability to do that, by the way, to wake up in the morning and say, I'm just going to go outside. And then, you know, you know, you know, 11 hours later, you're in Connecticut. Yeah, right. So this is this is the this is the footage from the race. So these folks are running all through the night with fucking headlamps on in the mountains.

It's all like dirt roads and shit. Weird trails. And there's I don't know how many people are in the race but it's 240 fucking miles man it's amazing the obscure things that people decide to do right i mean that to me seems obscure i'm sure it's probably a very big thing. But I just watched the movie about the free climbing movie that's playing on the plane. The guy that climbed. Alex Honnold. Yeah. He's been on here, I'm sure.

Yes, he has. Wow. I know. It's like to focus on something that, I mean, how many people have, he's the only person that had done that, is he? Or the fastest to have done it? I think he's the only person who did it without ropes. Yeah. Yeah.

So to see somebody that decides, like you said earlier, we're going to make tents. I want to make tents. I want to climb that. Yeah. You get to meet so many people like that. Yeah. That must be fun. So many people like that.

Yeah. That must be fun. Well, it's very important for me as a person who's trying to figure people out is to be able to see this insane spectrum of exceptional people, right? To see someone like Alex Honnold, who's a really fascinating guy. Yeah. Very fascinating guy because he's really smart and he's really tuned in and he mellow he's got hands like sausage ass right yeah this month like like change his hands have evolved or something I mean these fucking the surfaces of these insane rocks yeah dude he was telling us a story in the podcast of one time he was halfway up the side of this fucking

mountain he realized he didn't bring his chalk with him. So he found some other climbers that were on their way up that were on ropes. And he said, hey, do you think I can borrow some chalk? And the guy goes, yeah, I have an extra bag. Here, take it. So he's fucking a thousand feet up just hanging on, finding other people who are connected to the ropes. And they give him a bag of chalk.

And then he leaves it at the top of the mountain because he passes them yeah because he's and he's not using any ropes yeah fucking christ man did you see this video where jared leto was climbing with alex recently it's like uh about march oh i heard about did he fall down or something he came very close i should this is the don't show me this is the, don't show me, I'll freak out. Don't show me, I'll freak out. The rope got down to that. Oh my God. Six feet above the ground. Wow.

Oh my God, that's terrible. That's not good. Yeah. Who? Holy shit, dude. Fuck all that.

Look, I know it's fun, I jumped out of an airplane with Jared Leto once. Did you really? Yeah, with Jared Leto. Well,

it was, we went to Paris, California together with a group of people. And I had always said, I am never going to jump out of an airplane. That was always my thing that I said my whole life. Never going to jump out of an airplane. Never going to go parachuting. Have you ever done parachuting? No.

Exactly. I feel the same way. But I still ended up doing it because we drove out there together, a group of people, and I realized on the drive that I was the only person that wasn't jumping out of the airplane. Oh, Jesus. And for whatever reason, my competitive spirit got the best of me. I said, there's no way I'm going to be the one that didn't jump out of the airplane on the way back. So we suited up, and I had just done that movie Charlie's Angels. Okay.

And there was a lot of parachuting in it. And the stunt coordinators from that movie were taking the cast out to jump out if they wanted to. So I went and Jared Leto was there and, you know, my friends were there. And I did it. I did it. And I didn't regret it, but I'll my friends were there. And I did it. I did it. And I didn't regret it, but I'll never do it again. It was amazing. It was exciting.

It was tandem. You know, you have a guy. You're strapped onto a guy. Guy's on your back, right? Guy's on your back. Oh, you're on his back. He's on your back, yeah. He's on your back?

He's on your back. I don't like that. You go. And the craziest thing is you go and you flip. You flip and then immediately you see the plane. The plane is filling your peripheral vision. And then immediately the plane goes from... Gets small.

Oh, my God. And you realize, wow, that perfectly good airplane, as they say, that perfectly good airplane is getting a lot further away. And now the weirdest part about it was, this was 20 years ago now, or 18 or whatever, but now you're doing this, right? And you kind of realize, hey, we've got some sort of control because there's another guy over there. He's like kind of far away. And all of a sudden, like you lean into it and you're, you fly up to him like Superman. And now you're this far away, this far away. He's got video camera on his head. I don't know where the tape is. And you're looking at each other

and it's amazing and exciting. And then the thing that was weird about it is then you pull the chute or the guy on your back pulls the chute and now you're hanging from ropes your chutes open and you would think that would be the time where it's you can relax but to me the one time i've done it talking about parachuting like i know about it the one time i've done it 18 years ago that's the scariest moment because now you're sort of realizing that the only thing preventing you and you're just looking at your feet. Now you're looking at your feet hanging below you and you're feeling these ropes. You're holding – and so I'm holding the ropes. I'm going, these ropes give like nothing between me. And it was an amazing experience, huge adrenaline

rush. We'll never do it again because now at least I can say I have done it, right? Even though I didn't ever want to have to be able to say that. Now that I have said it, there's no reason to do it again. But, you know, who knows? Maybe I will end up doing it again. You should jump out of an airplane. You should jump out of an airplane. I can't believe you haven't, actually.

I'm surprised you haven't. I think you got to contact Tyson. There's no reason for that. Yeah, I think you should do it. I think you would dig it. If I lived, yeah. Yeah, you would live. Seems fun. You go with one of those. I think you would dig it. If I lived, yeah. Yeah, you would live. Seems fun.

You go with one of those. I'm not into thrills like that. You get your adrenaline from all the other stuff you do. Well, it just seems like a strange way to get a thrill. I'm not trying to knock anybody who does it, but it's a strange way to get a thrill. Let's pretend we're dying. Oh, psych. We're not dying, but now we're hanging. Yeah, yeah. On our way down.

Oh, yeah. Isn't it pretty? Yeah, I get it. I get it. But I don't think I need that in my life. No, you don't. That's what I always said too. It's not necessary.

I ended up being, you know, whenever you're going to get in a situation where you end up going out to a parachuting thing with a bunch of people unless you're in a relationship and the person you're with is going and you go with them because they're going and then all of a sudden you're there and you're going like, I'm not going to be the chicken shit. Yeah, you got to do what you got to do. Save face. Yeah. Almost die. Yeah.

Save face. people do die you know what's fucked up about it is that's one of those things that you kind of you do it and you think like oh i'm gonna be okay and then one time maybe you're not and that's all it takes one of uh i think it was was it red band's dad his friend worked with a lady was it a lady that was really into skydiving? She was always trying to get him to do it. And then one day he showed up at work and she wasn't at her desk. And so what happened? Yeah, skydiving.

Yeah. Died skydiving. Fuck all that. Fuck all that, dude. Yeah. I just want to get a thrill. I'm almost dying. I'm not dying. It's kind of a thrill I'm almost dying I'm not dying it's kind of a predictable

outcome right I'm not dying yeah it's like could have anticipated that you know yeah it's enough enough enough

it's kind of how I feel about the that's why I've been staying home you know for the whole world we just need we need to lock in

this is gonna this is gonna be the the honeypot that gets us to enter the, this is going to be the honeypot that gets us to enter the virtual reality. This is going to be the honeypot. Like, do you want to deal with viruses? There's no viruses in this world.

Your soul, carry on. You won't even know. What about what Edward Snowden, I believe, I haven't researched this, but I heard he was saying that this is sort of a, an attempt to get us to

get implanted with, you know, biological testing, have our phones set up more to follow us to get implanted with biological testing, have our phones set up more to follow us? Is there any sort of truth to that? Anytime something, this is a reality of human nature. Incredible interview, by the way, with Snowden. I love that. Thank you. He's a brilliant guy. Anytime there is an opening for people to take advantage of that opening,

anytime there's a moment that happens where there's some scrambling, and maybe they can gather up more power. Maybe they can gather up more surveillance tools. Maybe they can make it easier to do things that they'd like to do that have nothing to do, like the Patriot Act. There's a lot of stuff for the Patriot Act that had nothing to do with terrorism. They just decided, let's add some stuff in. Let's control these motherfuckers. They always want to control people. It's hard to control people. And as the population gets bigger and as time goes

on, they slowly give in to this idea of controlling people more and more. So they're going to definitely use this as a way to ensure that they have some sort of extended reach, whether it's some sort of a reach to make sure that you're vaccinated or some sort of a reach to make sure that your antibodies are clear, some sort of a reach to make sure that you're not drinking, are you? Because if you drink, you get your immune system shattered. If your immune system fucks up, what if you get sick and you pass it on to your friends? If you're drinking, you're being a bad citizen. Like,

who the fuck knows what could happen once someone's tracking whether or not you're healthy? What are you doing, man? I see you've only slept seven hours last night. Like, what's that all about, Tom? Seven hours is not a lot of sleeping. Do you not love your neighbors? Do you want to get sick? Now, do you sense or is there any evidence that that is happening now? That there is, with our phones specifically, to do the phones tracking? Well, the concept of it is definitely available, right? The concept of it, of contact tracking, is being talked about openly. And then if a company insures if they figured out like say if like there was a place you go right this would be kind of interesting so say if there's a place you go tom green you go and they give you a vaccination once the vaccination becomes available

and you know that you now don't have to worry about getting this thing so we can track all the people that have been vaccinated as long as you sign up for the app and all the people not be vaccinated, you see them. You see them on the app. Oh, my God. Well, before we step in this mall, let's see what kind of shitty fucking citizens there are that haven't been vaccinated. Or maybe you're not allowed in the mall. Yeah.

Yeah, and you'll be able to find them on a map and it'll get real weird. Yeah. It's like it's another step, a really quick step in dragging us into the machine and to take away the nuances of just human life that we're accustomed to. And it become more and more digitized and organized. People need freedom, man. And if you don't have the freedom to just be somewhere without the government knowing that you're there. Like, if you haven't committed any crime, you're not a criminal.

And if they could just monitor you and you've never committed any crime, that is a weird place. It's weird. Things are getting weird. You're supposed to be following criminals only. And I know it makes it easier for you to follow criminals if you could follow everybody, but you are changing what everybody is. You're changing what people are if you follow them all the time, everywhere

they go. If you listen to everything that they ever say through the microphone on their fucking phone, you're changing what they are. And you're making them scared. And everybody knows it, and no one wants to admit it. You're making people scared, and people do things because they don't want censorship. They don't want to be censored.

They don't want to be yelled at. They self-censor. They don't want to be not in compliance. It changes their behavior. We all know that. We all know that. It's dangerous to creativity. It's dangerous to authenticity.

It's dangerous to so many things. It's not a good way to be as a person. Like looking over your shoulder. People are watching you all the time. It's too aware. It's just too weird. It's not a good way to be as a person. Like looking over your shoulder, people are watching you all the time. It's too aware. It's just too weird. It's too weird to force the whole, and then who's got control of that? The government? Like what? Some people that got elected to a position? The only ones that get to look in on everybody? Well, and then what if that opens up? Well, no, everybody can look in on everybody. Fuck it. The Information Act, we just got to give into the inevitable. Tom, I'm going to watch at it. Everybody. Fuck it. The Information Act. We just got to give in to the inevitable.

Tom, I'm going to watch your shit. I'm going to watch your shit from your toaster. Because your toaster, your electric toothbrush that knows whether or not you have cavities is listening in while you shit. Not a pretty sight. Yeah, man. It's not going to be pretty. But it's almost like we're taking a step closer and closer towards the digital world with

this. And that's, I don't, I'm not a conspiracy theorist in the sense that I don't, I don't, I don't think that robots are out to get us. taking a step closer and closer towards the digital world with this. I'm not a conspiracy theorist in the sense that I don't think that robots are out to get us. I don't think that the electronic world is looking to consume us. But I am concerned with some steps that we could take that make our life more digital to take away too much of what it means to be a person. Some of what it means to be a person is like fun. There's fun in the weirdness of the world. There's fun in the danger of the world.

You take away all that shit with apps and alerts and, you know, and like I can't go down that street. There's a guy down that street that was arrested at one point in time. Shit. You know, like what are we going to do? We're going to lose out all the mystery of life for safety and then we become what would have become these unromantic boring bullshit digital things that are locked into pleasure sources

Things that pump them pleasure because they take in the place You know I mean really they could do that if they could get to a point where you wear an implant It just keeps your dopamine levels up at a very high, high note. You get augmented reality glasses where everybody's hot. That'd be pretty cool. It might be. It might be better than not. Yeah.

That's the problem. It might be better if they lie to you. Like The Matrix. Remember when that one dude was given into The Matrix and he's like, look, I just want to be an important person. I want to be like an actor or something. Remember he was writing his... He wanted to taste steak again.

Yeah, he was eating steak, right? Yeah. Maybe. Maybe he's right. Yeah. It's cool just to sit here and... I mean, I'm just... I mean, thanks for having me.

Thanks for being here, dude. And thanks for doing that original thing in your house. Yeah. No, I mean... If you didn't do that, I'm just, I'm just, I mean, thanks for having me. Thanks for being here, dude. And thanks for doing that original thing in your house. Yeah. No, I mean. If you didn't do that, I'm telling you, man, me and Red Band, we were in your house. I was like, this is, we need to figure out how to do this. Yeah. I even talked to those guys, the Denver people.

I talked to them at one point in time. Yeah. But it just didn't, I was in the middle of doing a bunch of different shit back then. That was right before I moved to Colorado too. And I was like, I don't know if I'm even going to stay here. I don't know what I'm doing. And then I was like, I don't know if I want to do that. Spend all my time doing that.

I want to concentrate on the shit I'm already doing. But then as time went on, I just kept thinking about that. And I kept thinking about doing it with nobody. I kept thinking about it. It's not nothing about this for money. Just do it. Let's I kept thinking about it. It's not to think about this for money. Just do it. Let's just do this for fun. Don't do it.

You know, if I did it with some company or some, it's like, yeah, you could do it with Sirius or some company. Better to just do it. Right. Just do it. Just to figure out. And then slowly. That was the secret spice right there.

That was, that's where you figured it out right there. Because that, because people, people see that, right? They can tell. Yeah. Well, it's all documented. You go back and watch the horrible early ones. They're all available. But that's because of you, though.

You could probably second guess them, but no. You here had this incredible energy and you're doing your thing and people loved it. Even the early ones, I prefer people go back and watch the early ones. They're terrible. Stay away from them. We didn't know what we're doing. But it's also like everything else. The more you do it, the better you get at it.

But because of your risk taking, because you were the guy that was willing to set up this crazy setup in your house. And because I knew you and I'm over your place and i'm like wow like this is you really went deep i remember like being around your house kind of tom green what have you done and i was thinking like this might be it like he might be on to something this might be the move like just do it all yourself it's very kind of you to say it's true man it's true it's you anthony kia, Opie and Anthony, Howard Stern, for sure, the original one. It's all, everybody feeds off everybody else in this thing. I grew up loving David Letterman. Okay. Yeah. David Letterman, when I saw him go out on the street with a megaphone

and yelling out of his office at people, I was like, oh, I want to do that. Yeah. I want to get a megaphone. And i would go stand on the roof of buildings in my hometown with a video camera yell at people with a megaphone dude letterman had one of the best styles ever of like hosting a talk show because he could talk to people that were talking to him about nonsense that he didn't give a fuck about and he would have the same enthusiasm as if he was talking to al pacino about some academy award-winning movie he was in yeah some some rock star like mick jagger sat down there he would talk to him with the same love he had a style like dave letterman had of like he's in on the joke style of talking. That was my first experience with seeing something that was kind of like

anti-television. Yes. Yeah. He's more sophisticated. He's making fun of television while he's making television. It was, and that was completely. I dated this girl when I was 25 and she fucking hated the tonight show,

but loved David Letterman. And I'm like, why? I go, why is it? And she goes, cause I don't you know I don't want you bullshitting me she goes

I know like he's in on it like David Letterman's in on it but the other ones are just bullshitting you I was like oh yeah it was the first time I ever saw somebody kind of you know goofing on the network yes taking the fruit basket over to the

security guard at ge you know messing with them getting in trouble but his boss you know it's like are you biting the fan that feeds you here but i mean the risk that he took to do that was like real you never saw that on tv before everything was and he was the guy who broke jay leno he he brought jay leno out to the people jay l, at one point in time, was the edgy comic. Oh, yeah. He was the guy in the 1970s. Yeah. Everybody says it.

Everybody who was alive back then said he was the sharpest comic working. Yeah. And he got on Letterman and would go on Letterman with his jet black hair and this sardonic wit and like sharp punch lines. And he was the fucking man back then. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. You know where he's at his best for sure is his car show.

Oh yeah. For sure. I love that show. He's himself. That's again, it goes back to what we were talking about earlier. He's authentic. What Jay Leno really is,

is a guy who loves cars. There's no joke in that, man. He doesn't have to pretend. He doesn't give a fuck if you have a dune buggy you made out of a VW, or if you have some crazy souped up Corvette, if you have some crazy NSX from 1994. He loves cars. He loves them. I've been around the guy.

First of all, he has first of all he has like 11 warehouses full of cars i watched your episode with him actually on his show that place is great bananas yeah it's bananas yeah he just has car after car after car how many cars do you have a couple hundred cars i have no idea hundreds of cars 11 buildings filled with cars 11 buildings yeah some of them are worth a million dollars. So, yeah, what was a million dollars laying around? Dude, it's crazy. He's got steam-powered cars. And you see him driving.

He's living in L.A., right? Oh, yeah. He drives them. But, you know, there's Jay going by in a steam-powered car. Dude, if you live in Burbank, people look forward to that. He'll drive by on a fucking tractor. He takes cars that aren't even supposed to be on the road. On a tractor. I'm not kidding.

Yeah. I know, but it's just ridiculous. He has, like, a tractor, and he put his old school one with metal wheels and he had rubber put on it so he could take it on the road. Is he doing it to be funny, though? Like, I'm on a tractor right now, or does he just think the tractor's cool? Is there an element? I'm just, I don't know.

We would know the answer to that. He would be a reductionist to either state one way or the other. Who could have been driving that thing? Yeah, I mean, it's just got to be so much fun for him to be driving around in that. We would be a reductionist to either stay one way or the other. Who could have been driving that thing? Yeah, I mean, it's just gotta be so much fun for him to be driving around in that. No, it really is legitimately fun for him. One of the things that I said when I was talking to him when he and I were driving around was like,

hey man, you're really you when you're doing this. It's so much better than doing the Tonight Show and having to pretend that you give a fuck about some teeny boppers new his new uh fucking top 40 hit and you gotta go wow that's amazing like you don't give a fuck about that you care about 65 corvettes you know jay leno's around a 65 corvette you see him like oh the lines and you see him looking at the steering wheel and the seats. That fucking guy loves cars, man.

He loves them to his bones. He loves them. He loves, oh, that's the one with the 454, the 70 Chevelle SS. He gets into the gritty details of it. And I remember thinking, man, it was too bad that you ever did the Tonight Show. You should have just done this. If somebody had figured out in 1970, whatever, that this is what Jay Leno is best at. Oh, my God.

Who would have been like the most, the greatest car man, not that he isn't right now, but the greatest car celebrity that's ever lived in terms of like a car guy on television. Because it's authentic. Because he really does love it. And he's funny. Like when he does that show, car show is Jay Leno's garage he's so loose yeah he's like it's just himself yeah I've watched a lot of those shows I love that show yeah he loves it he loves it's real and you hear stories all the time about oh yeah my car broke some someone in LA's just last week it happened again someone's car broke down oh Jay

Leno pulls over his wife gets out let gets out. Let me fix that. Let me fix that for you and then we'll get you back on the road, you know? Gold-plated wrenches in his backseat. Yeah. You can literally break down in L.A. and Jay will pull over and fix your car and then take off in his tractor. Yeah. Yeah, he probably likes it.

Yeah, he loves cars, man. Like, legitimately. He has, like, guys that work in his garages. He has all these garages. He has fabricators, right? So these guys are gonna, like, fix fenders and shit. Put new quarter panels on a car. He can do everything. It's nuts. The guy loves

them. Loves them. And he's got everything, man. Mopars and old fucking Maseratis and just, Jesus. So you know a lot about cars. No, no, no, no, no. I know some about cars. But compared to his average guest that he has on the show,

probably was fun when you went in there. Yes. He loves the fact that I'm an actual car nut. I'm a car nut. That's a fact. But I'm not good. I don't understand what's going on. The full-on details.

Yeah, I'm not turning any wrenches. I know what drives good. Like, oh, you got a problem with your solenoid switch or something like that. I don't know any of that. I know what drives good. I know what drives good. I like to drive. I like cars that make you feel like you're driving them, too.

But then again, I like Tesla, too. Tesla is like it's doing all the work. Do you drive that? Have you ever driven a Tesla before? I drove. I don't know if I should, I guess I could say this. I drove Harland Williams' Tesla. First of all, when we were talking before about Theo, Theo Vaughn, he has this language of comedy that's uniquely his own.

Theo just has stuff, you see it written on paper, you're like, what, that's funny? And then you see him say it on stage and you can't even breathe. You're dying, right? Harland Williams, yeah. Harland Williams, a perfect example of that. So. Hey there, Flapjack. What do you say buttermilk biscuit like say some shit you're like what are you talking about but you're crying laughing and so harland is one of my best friends in the world i love that dude and it's it's surreal to me that we've become so close friends

because like i was saying earlier when i was a kid I was his biggest fan I was actually told him this the other day I was telling him and I've told him this probably story 10 times were you alone I was we were just talking on the phone okay well I was telling him uh did you have your clothes on uh yeah yeah yeah and I did he called into my he called in my podcast I'm sitting in my house by myself. I was interviewing my friend. But I was telling him stories like this one I'm about to tell you right now. And when I was a kid, I would go down when he would come to Yuck Yucks.

And at the time, and this is probably not exactly a fully accurate statement. exactly a fully accurate statement, but for whatever reason at the time it seemed like there wasn't a lot of that kind of weird, like breaking the whole mold of comedy, comedy. Like everyone, there was standup and then he was the one standup that was really surreal, really strange and silly. And so at the time it was, it really popped out for me as a goofy kid. It was kind of a weird kid. What year are we talking about? 88, 89.

Oh, wow. That's before I met him. Yeah, yeah, back in – he hadn't come to the States yet. Oh. And then I remember – So he was like that from the jump, huh? Yeah, I mean, he was – so he was headlining in Canada. He's from Toronto.

I'm from Ottawa. I didn't know him. And when I was 15 years old, I was doing the amateur night. He was my favorite. He'd come into town. And I remember one day I went up to him at the bar at the comedy club. 15 years old. For some reason they let us in. I went up to him at the bar with my friend Phil. And I went up to him and I said,

Mr. Williams, would it be okay if tomorrow we took you out for a submarine sandwich? And he said, well, that sounds good to me. And the next day, Saturday, we went out in Ottawa, took him out for a submarine sandwich. And he was drinking his Coke like, thanks for the submarine sandwich there, fella. So he was being himself on character. Yeah, he was great. I mean, he was just great. Yeah, and it was until years later where I actually got to know him,

where he's not always like, hey, Jerry. But so it was incredible to get to know him. He's always been a friendly guy, as long as I've known him. I met Harlan, I think, in 94. And I'm like, what a friendly guy. My thought of him has always been the same. What a friendly guy. Just always friendly.

Every time I see him, I hug him. I'm always excited to see him. He's always a nice guy. He was one of those initial things, though, in my mind, where I saw somebody saying, saying i'm gonna do something that nobody else is doing and i'm gonna be amazing at it well you know what he figured out he figured out how to be just he's a you he's weird and i want to say unique but yeah but it's he's got a weird sense of humor but he's also really nice so like that weird sense of humor is intoxicating it draws you in like a siren to the rocks and he he just starts talking his nonsense and you just get sucked into the trance

and it's it's he just figured out that like we were talking about before there's no right way to do it there's no right way to do stand-up this is the right way for you and maybe you're an interesting person maybe you people are people vary so much man it's like it's all in like can they figure out how to make their own unique weirdness come through and make make jokes out of it and some guys like harlan figured it out perfectly where if you wrote it down if like you want to steal Harlan Williams' act. You'd be fucked, man. You would be fucked. You would never be able to do it. Right.

Like Theo Vaughn's too. There's no way. No one's doing that. No one. You have to be that guy. Right. Yeah. He's figured out

how to make his own unique mannerisms hilarious top flight comedy. I love him. And you know, listen, here's a guy who's one of the most creative people I know. You're obviously one of them.

And we're lucky to get to know a lot of people that are like top of their field. You know, Harlan's created a show called Puppy Dog Pals. It's now going into a fourth season on Disney, an animated show for kids. It sounds like him. He created this whole show. It's like taking that energy and putting it into your art without compromise, which is what he has always done and which is what you've done. And it's pretty cool. I love the guy.

I love him. What's one of the cool things about living in a place like L.A. is that there's a lot of people like you and Harlan. And, you know, we can keep going, fill in the blanks, Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell and all these fascinating people. Duncan Trussell, fellow testicular cancer survivor. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. So many folks. I mean, we're real lucky. Tom Segura, Owen Smith, Bert Kreischer.

Keep going down the line. Joey Diaz. We live in an amazing spot. There's so many. Bill Burr, Santino, Tony Hinchcliffe. There's so many interesting people here. It's a good spot as far as that. But we're all spread out.

What we need to do is buy up a fucking plot of land and put a fence around it called Comedy Town. You know, like Hidden Hills. It'd be a fucked up town. We need a gated community for comed put a fence around it called Comedy Town. You know, they have like Hidden Hills. It'd be a fucked up town. We need a gated community for comedians. Yeah. Call it Comedy Town. It'd get pretty fucked up in there, I bet. It'd be fun.

We'd be able to hang out with each other and grow tomatoes and shit. So you love it? You love LA? You think you'll live in LA for the rest of your life? No. No, I'm thinking about getting out now. I heard you mention that. I'm watching people drive, man.

Listen, there's a lot of people that are under incredible pressure right now financially. And when people are under pressure, that's when they act the most erratic. And I was watching this guy yesterday. He cut in front of me and then he cut into the left lane and he passed in the oncoming and then he cut in front of the people in front of him. And I was like, what, buddy? What? Did someone... Was there somewhere you would go where there's not fucked up drivers, though? like in oncoming and he cut in front of the people in front of him and I was like what buddy yeah what did someone Was there somewhere you would go where there's not fucked up drivers though

We are in a position right now where people are under extreme stress I'm starting to see it a little bit on the road I'm like what is it gonna be like when everything opens back up again? It's just gonna be the best spot. Hmm. Or the best spot going to be like a little slightly less populated? We can look up, hold back. So where would you go? Let's watch this motherfucker from a distance. And you see in the distance, you see firebombs and shit. You're like, I knew it.

I knew people were getting sketchy. I knew San Diego was the spot. I don't know. I don't know what the spot is. Up in the mountains of Colorado? I think San Diego is a good spot because it's a city, but it's not as big a city. It's big enough, though. So it's not hick, right?

Right. Sophisticated, but it's not too ridiculous. But you wouldn't miss getting up at the comedy store every night? What if there's a bomb? What if there's an earthquake? What if the volcano goes off? What if an's an earthquake? What if the volcano goes off? What if an asteroid impact hits? Going down to the center

of the stand-up universe and having that outlet every night whenever you want. You wouldn't have that anywhere else? I had it and I didn't have it and I had it again for the comedy store. I had it from 93 to 2007. Then I didn't have it from 2007 to 2014.

Then I had it from 2014 to today and I'm didn't have it. From 2007 to 2014 that I had it. From 2014 to today. And I'm better off with it. Especially the version of the comedy store that exists now. I'm definitely. We are all better off for it. It's an amazing place right now. And I'm committed to keeping it amazing.

And doing whatever I can to get it back to financial health. And whatever we can do to get everything rolling but I think if we had to get out of LA for some strange reason as long as the comedy store exists for the comedians that are here I'm good I think there's a way to not be right here I just think that

right here is so crowded there's good and bad to that you can still come back for a couple months. Yeah, exactly. Rent a house. Keep a condo. Stay there.

Do stand up the store. Go back to your... The move is to get a nice apartment here. Yeah. Where you come back occasionally. Yeah. But watch this beast from the outside. And play musical chairs.

Hopefully you don't get stuck here where the music shuts off. Yeah. Yeah. I think about it a lot because I'm from Canada. Do you think about going back? I do a lot, yeah. Toronto's the shit.

Yeah, yeah. I love Toronto. Where would you go? I'd go back to Ottawa just to be near my parents. My brother and I have old friends there. Do they still have access TV back then?

Back there, rather? Do you do cable access shows right now? I could go back to the public access station. Can you imagine if you did that? I've thought about it. But do you imagine how people would freak out? Same studio. You would get a story on Dig for sure.

Dig.com, it'd be like... That'd be good. Tom Green goes back to cable access place where he first started. I would love that, yeah. Can you imagine if you did that? Yeah. Imagine if he did that. Yeah. How people would go nuts for that. You know, it's interesting because it's like now we've got the internet now.

So it's sort of interesting that public access is different now, right? Yeah. Because back then you had to kind of talk your way into getting in there. You couldn't just get a show. So you had to kind of talk your way into getting in there. And then once you got in there, nobody was watching. But if you did something weird enough, people would sort of hear about it. And we used to send our tapes down to Manhattan Neighborhood Network in New York.

And people would hear about it. But it was not like the internet now. It's almost hard to imagine why anybody would need to do that now. When I was an open mic-er in Boston, we did some cable access shows. Same thing, I think, as your public access TV thing in Canada. They had cable access shows, and I think there was some sort of a rule that if you had a cable channel, you had to leave a certain amount of hours open for people to just like regular people to just sign up and do things so me and a few other comics we put together these terrible sketches uh-huh and i'm sure they were amazing

they went they were terrible well we were you know we're 21 years old and they went up on cable access and uh i remember one of them you have those no no I don't know who would have them. But this is like 1988, maybe. You don't have the tape? No, I don't have it. I have every tape. Really? Yeah, I let things go. Yeah?

I keep moving. Yeah, that's interesting. Keep moving. Keep moving, bitch. But I remember thinking while I was there with my fucking moron comic friends who were just silly bitches doing this stupid show. I'm like, who the fuck let us do this? I remember I was wearing a dress, something about some dating show.

Oh, that's why you lost the tape. No, no, no. It's purpose is you burned it somewhere, right? No. I had a dress on and a wig and I was, I think I was the, like, it was like a blind dating show or something. Well, you got to find it. So stupid. But it was just like, it was not funny.

But I was thinking, like, how weird it is that they let you just do this. Sounds pretty funny. Yeah, but better in this, like, me telling it than actually seeing how bad it really was. There's nothing bad about that. It wasn't good, dude. But this is YouTube now. It's like YouTube has taken that and no one saw it coming. That's what's so interesting.

No one saw like a thing where anybody could sign up, anybody can create an account, anybody can upload video. Nobody saw that being this thing that would ultimately, like, the amount of eyes, like, Jamie, you would know this more than anybody. Like, what are the amount of eyes that are watching YouTube every day? Like, what's the total number of human beings

that are watching YouTube every day? Let's take a guess, Tom Green. What do you think? Take a guess. Number of eyes watching YouTube every day? Yeah, yeah, number of individual humans that may see. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Individual humans or individual views? Because someone watched something 10 times, does that count as 10?

No, no, no, I mean individual humans. I want the individual humans. So if it was 1 billion, that would be like 1 in 8 people, which seems like a lot, but it also seems like a number that you would imagine them saying it would be. How many views do you think it would be a day? That might be simpler. How many views do you think it would be a day? That might be simpler. How many views a day does YouTube get? It's funny because I don't know, but I'm going to imagine,

let's see, is there 8 billion people in the world? 7 point something? Something, yeah, something more than 7. So if it was a billion a day, that would be crazy. Does that mean like one in eight people watched a YouTube video a day or one guy watched a million? That doesn't seem unrealistic. That doesn't seem unrealistic.

It might be a billion. I'm going to just guess that because it's a round number. It or one guy watched a million. That doesn't seem unrealistic. That doesn't seem unrealistic. It might be a billion. I'm going to just guess that because it's a round number. It's a good number. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go with 700 million. Is this like Price is Right? Yes.

Exactly. Price is Right. And whoever's closest. So if it's 1 billion and 1, then I win, right? Yeah. Well, I wanted to give us some distance. 700 to 3 more. Price is Right rules.

Okay. What is it? As of September last year, daily active Price is right rules. Okay, what is it? As of September last year, daily active users is 30 million, but monthly active users is 2 billion. So there are a larger number of people that use it every day versus people that tap in once a month or so.

Yeah, users. So daily only 30 million? Daily views. That's people that are using it every single day. How many views, though? How many views? Maybe we were playing a different game. I was playing views. No, million. Daily views. That's people that are using it every single day. How many views, though? How many views? Maybe we were playing a different game. I was playing views.

No, we were playing views. The number of videos watched per day is 5 billion. I don't know if they can do that. Oh, Price is Right rules. 5 billion a day. So that means there's one guy just watching a billion a day. I wonder what the... How's that even possible?

There's 8 billion people. That's a good question. How's that possible? It's that even possible? There's 8 billion people. Good question. How's that possible? It's crazy. Well, that's how many people are watching. How many people, how many videos, individual people are watching. What do you think the number of videos, the average number of videos a person watches per day on YouTube?

You say four? How many videos? The average number. Yeah, the average number. How many do you think you would watch? Average? I'd probably watch five or 10 a day. Yeah, the average number. How many do you think you would watch? I'd probably watch five or ten a day. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I'm not even close to that. I might watch two or three a day. I don't watch a lot of YouTube. I watch a lot of professional pool. It's a good place to watch it is on YouTube. Okay. Way better than anywhere else. It's hard to watch pool on TV. It doesn't really exist anymore.

Yeah. But you watch it on YouTube. There's fucking thousands of videos with hundreds of thousands, millions of views. I use it for tips with pro tools. Ah, that's good. I can't figure out how to do something. So then I go, how do you, you know. Dude, for martial arts, it's one of the greatest resources ever.

Yeah. Because so many people give it instructionals on how to throw certain kicks or how to cinch up certain submissions. Like, jiu-jitsu alone is accelerated in giant leaps and bounds because of the internet. Skateboarding, too. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. I think it's archery. So I grew up skateboarding. Thrasher magazine.

Once a week, a magazine would come out and you could see a still shot of a guy doing a trick. You'd have to imagine what it was. Now kids are watching. Over and over and over again. They're being repeated and they're seeing exactly where the foot goes exactly how the board spins exactly and then they then they learn it and then they advance on it and they advance on it so the advancement you know i'm sure you've talked about this and i'm sure guys do videos i've heard drumming too i've heard drumming like a music for sure young kids are that's why you got all these young kids are like incredible musicians because they go on youtube and they see it and they

replicate it and then they improve on it. Yeah, dude. It used to be hard to find a fucking drumming coach that could tell you to drum like Travis Barker. Who the fuck is going to teach you how to do that? Now you can watch. That's nuts. On demand. Yeah.

I think that's with everything, with playing guitar, with art. There's so many tutorials about everything. Yoga, like if you wanna just do yoga at home, like fucking hundreds of thousands of yoga videos. You don't have to go anywhere. It's kind of crazy. Like there's never been a better time to be quarantined. Right. Right?

Can you imagine if this happened in 1990? If you can be a self-starter or teach yourself how to be a self-starter right now, it's a good time to be quarantined. Yeah. You just gotta be a self-starter or teach yourself how to be a self-starter right now, it's a good time to be quarantined. Yeah. You just got to be a self-starter. You just got to get up and go to work. I've made a point of trying to do things that I've always wanted to be able to do at home in my house that I haven't had time to do.

Suck your own cock. You know, I'm not going to say the improvements I've made in that area, but it's amazing what happens if you try hard enough. Just put in the effort. You have that time. Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park and other bands, he's been doing live streams showing from start to finish how he makes a song. Oh, wow.

I watched one yesterday. It was like an hour and a half. He started from scratch. Holy shit. This is the keys I'm using. This is the thought process I would use. I like how he's color-coded his waveforms there, too. That's Ableton.

That's Ableton. It looks different, that looks different yeah that's amazing why is that cat have hypnotic eyes well that's so he was streaming it and I was like this is the his live video from his livestream doing donations but that's very cool stuff for people that are following and subscribing and stuff that's very cool yeah it's like something like that like if you were a kid they want to know how do you make a song? Like I love Linkin Park. How do I make a song like Linkin Park? Bam. Bam! And it works now. You can get on your computer and have that and it works. Tom Green, you're a part of that. You understand that, right? By creating your Tom Green

show, you allowed people to think about streaming things from their house. I bet you were a part of a lot of people's desire to jump in and do something like YouTube. Because if you really stop and think about it, before you were doing that, before you were doing it from your house, or you're doing it from that public access station, how many people were doing that? You're a real pioneer, Tom Green. Legit. The pioneers leave with arrows in their back, Joe. Wow. That's heavy. That's heavy.

Who shot you in the back, bro? No, you know, listen, I've always loved technology. That's one thing that's kind of interesting. When I was a kid, my dad was in the military, but when he retired from the military after 26 years in service as a tank commander, he continued working for the Department of Defense as a COBOL programmer. So he went and took a computer course, and he learned COBOL, and he would go off, and he'd have the cards, and he'd show me these big computers because Ottawa's the capital of Canada, so there's the government there, and there's these big computers. And I remember in the 80s, early 80s, they had this thing in Ottawa.

It was called the NABU Network. It's the weirdest thing. You would order it. You can Google this, N-A-B-U, if you don't believe me. And it was essentially like a VCR-sized box. You could rent it. You would hook your television cable into it. And it was the internet. It was basically

the internet. You could talk to people. There was video games got pumped through it. So you could play like real arcade style video games on this thing. And it was really like way advanced. Yeah, there it is. That's it. I had that. And my dad always got like the computers that no one else had. Like everyone had Atari 2600, but he went and got the Naboo. Because he said, no, that's Doug Henning, by the way. The magician, the Canadian magician, Doug Henning, who did the ads for him. I remember that, dude. Yeah.

So you're sitting there as a kid and you're playing like Dig Dug, the arcade game. Same graphics quality. And it's streaming through your cable. You don't have a cartridge and it's streaming through your cable it's not you don't have a cartridge it's streaming through your cable so you're thinking

about that and then a lot of my friends were very advanced my friend Phil Giroux who was the guy who drank coffee in the window

in the background of my show on MTV he was my best friend he's a so we started doing stand up together when we were teenagers

and then he kind of had to quit when he was 17 because he got hired as a computer engineer for the National Research Council because he was a computer genius. So there was always this really early sort of computer sort of thing. So I've always loved looking at that technology and going, okay, well, what's going to happen? So now it's like what's going to happen next? That's the question. What's going to happen next? what's the new technology now like what's the what's the thing that's happening now that's gonna be next and i don't know what it is really but

it's it's fun to try augmented reality fun to try to figure out artificial intelligence what's it's gonna be augmented reality i think yeah i think it's gonna be something that whether apple comes up with some fucking terminator style. Remember those Terminator goggles? Something Terminator style. Like Google Glass or Google Glasses? No, no. Those Google Glasses are just like a weird little thing in the corner of your eye. That thing sucked.

I know. But if you had sunglasses, like aviators, you put on some aviators and you have a whole new view of the world with navigation with emails with voice calls with people where they're Translucent you can see the people in front of you so you don't stumble into someone But you still know that you're talking to your friend Bob. You see each other while you're laughing You can split from your view to his view you can see I mean that all that stuff is coming man. That's coming That's the next step. That's the next step. My real concern is what I was saying about earlier about if we have tracking on our phones to make sure that we're not COVID-19 positive and like that.

You're giving up too much. I feel like you're giving up too much there. I think people need to be conscious of their health and take care of their immune system and make sure you follow all the protocols and wash your hands and don't touch your face and all the things that everybody's been saying. But I don't really know if we want to give in to that level of scrutiny, that level of tracking. But will we even notice it? It's already happening, right? Yeah, that's the question too.

Our phones, you put your email in and it's already happening. And we say, oh, the convenience, right? It's so convenient. And then all of a sudden everyone's doing it and I'm doing it. Good call. All of a sudden it's like baby step, baby step, baby step. And so sort of like are we maybe already there? I don't know.

We might be. It's when they start implanting chips in our bodies and that's when it gets a little bit. It's when they start implanting chips in our bodies, and that's when it gets a little bit – when you're going down to the, I don't know, the clinic to have them inject a microchip into your – This company was putting chips in their employees' arms so they can buy things at the store just by waving their arm. They go through doors. So they're all lining up to get chips. And I'm watching this, and I've probably watched it four or five times since then, but when I'm watching, I'm looking at them going, what are you doing?

Like, where is this going? You're going to allow a company? What if Xerox fires you and you get their chip in your forearm? What are you doing? What are you doing? Are you going to just be walking around with that Xerox chip in your arm? What are you going to do? Are you going to get it surgically removed? Some Blade Runner moment? Are you going to carve it out around with that Xerox chip in your arm? What are you going to do? Are you going to get it surgically removed? Some Blade Runner moment.

Are you going to carve it out? Yeah. No big deal. Carving it out on your own because no one will do it for you because you're not allowed to take them out. If you take the stem cells, it takes two weeks to heal. It's not a big deal. Carve it out. What? What are we doing?

Listen, I think if we looked at ourselves in like 1980 and then looked at ourselves in 2020 and said, okay, how did this attachment to phones get so just deeply ingrained in the culture without people figuring it out? How planned was it, too? people figuring it out. How planned was it too? You get this dopamine rush from when you get positive energy back from something, positive reinforcement back from something. And so did they know that before they made the text messaging? That every time you got a text, you'd feel good? Or did they realize that as they were going? Oh, look at this. People really like this. People really like this phone. They really can't put it down. Oh, that's because they're getting a dopamine rush every time somebody gets a positive energy.

Oh, well, maybe we should double down on that. Maybe we should create more of these. Or was it planned from the get-go? I don't think they knew. Yeah. I think it's one of those things that people take advantage once they realize. They see it and they go, oh. Yeah.

How do we double for all know the all the cambridge analytica stuff all the like and how do we give oh let's give them what they want to see oh they're liking this they're liking this let's lead them down this garden path okay now i'm going this way i'm gonna yes i don't know i don't think there's a cabal of super geniuses that are trying to manipulate people in a way that get them to get addicted to likes. Yeah. I think it's something that people realized along the way and they took advantage of it. And I also think that what really started it, what started it was people trying to figure out how to get people to be more engaged. What's the best way to get them engaged?

And the best way to get them engaged, it turns out, is to get them upset. Right. best way to get them engaged and the best way to get them engaged it turns out is to get them upset right and then they figured out how to get people upset is to like fill your feet up with things that you engage with but they're just trying to get you if you were like really interested in in positive intellectually enriching ideas that's what would be in your feet all the time right so you're blaming them for you having this like shitty desire to eat Snickers bars all day You're eating mental Snickers bars, huh? You know But that's that's really what it is like what they're doing is like Ari Shaffir did a test on YouTube and he only searched for Videos of puppies right and that's all that YouTube recommended it right videos of puppies

So all these people like you they're trolling me. They're trying to get me. No, you're interested in those things. Yeah. Like, I'm not interested in abortion. Well, you're reading abortion. You're watching abortion videos. But what about when you start talking about stuff, you haven't even typed it in, and then you see it popping up.

Right. That's weird. I hate that. Jamie and I were just talking about that. That's happened a lot, too, these days. The thing that goes on your finger. Yeah. It's like an O2 pulse reader.

We had one two days ago. Mm-hmm, and we didn't say it out loud. We didn't discuss what it was. I think I did. I think I did say it out loud. I remember saying, I'm getting my vitals checked, but I didn't say like, oh, look at that thing on my finger. Look at this company that makes it. I'm pretty sure I did. But the exact company that made it, I got an ad for it.

I've got it three times in the last 12 hours now. I mean, I remember having a conversation about my Toyota truck. Hold for a second there. How do you think that got to you? My guess is it connects to whoever somebody's phone, because it's got Bluetooth in it. It connects to something. So it's sending out a signal constantly. Our phones also have Bluetooth on if you leave it on, looking for devices connecting constantly.

Wait, so wait, what happened? It was listening to you? No, what? I missed that part. I'm not saying that. No, no, that's not what he's saying. It's a Bluetooth device that checks your pulse and vitals. Okay, okay.

Because that is what it is, it is sending out a Bluetooth signal or a near field signal to devices, probably the person's phone who owns it or is connected to it right but it's also sending out looking for other devices and my phone also is looking out for wi-fi signals for bluetooth signals there's got to be a connection there somewhere where it's tracked how many what devices have been logged in or connected to this within the last six hours, 12 hours. I've read about this in the past. So the possibility would be that this thing, and I'm just talking about it from a moron, that this thing on your finger sends out a pulse

or reaches out to find out what, like, maybe Google programs are open. Devices, I think. I don't even know about programs. Devices. How does it get that cookie into like your Google news feed where you start seeing these so just like what I was going to pull up

with this chip thing that it's describing here our phones have a device number what they actually call I don't remember off the top of my head but it's like that MSID number or something like that it's almost like your social security number for your device it's not for your social security number for your device.

It's not for your phone or anybody. It's just that device. Now the data mining companies can get that device number and then sell it, and that's how it then ends up on your phone. They don't necessarily, from what I've heard and what I've been told, they don't necessarily know that it's you with your name and your statistics. One of a kind serial number. But they can get there.

It's your number. They know that you were around that finger thing or your phone was around that finger thing. They don't know it's you. I've seen a company offering this data to someone who wants it, that if you wanted to target ads at someone, what they could do maybe two years ago

is you could find women age 25 to 45 in the united states now where's that where do you find that now you could go as specific as i like to party i want lawyers that are 37 years old that drink wine that live in this city you can get very specific and they only have that data from this ongoing collection okay and finding it out. Okay. I just think it's weird when you don't even sign up for anything. It's just your phone starts—it's like it's listening to you, right? I'm assuming it is.

Yeah. You're talking about Toyota trucks. And then you start seeing them in your news feed. Yeah, I'm thinking of getting a Toyota truck, which happened to me. I was thinking of getting a Toyota truck, right? Solid me. I was thinking of getting a Toyota truck, right? Solid choice. Yeah. Very reliable.

93 Toyota Land Cruiser. Oh, Land Cruiser. Yeah. Oh, that's right. We're talking about that. And then all of a sudden, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota. The microphone is on. I really believe it is on.

And they always say that. Everyone says your phone's listening. But you sort of don't believe it. But then lately, more and more, I really do it is on. And they always say that. Everyone says your phone's listening. But you sort of don't believe it. But then lately, more and more, I really do believe it now. And then you go, should I turn my phone off all the time? I put it on airplane mode all the time. I leave my phone on airplane mode. Is it legal to listen for ads?

How does that work? Is that legal? What have we signed away? You've got the voice recognition software. It's taking your words and searching them. I mean, I don't know. I don't think there's laws against that yet. But it's slippery, right?

It's all we're sliding into this digital world, just slowly sliding in. It's listening everywhere, suggesting, Tom, I see you're really into toothpaste. Yeah, right? Yeah, you want tooth whitening toothpaste? This is the stuff. And then maybe you weren't really into it but now you are really into it he mentioned it once but now you're seeing it all the time so now you're really into toothpaste or toyotas what's the what's the decision this decision to resist the machine or is the decision to enjoy the moment just live your life as a one player

in this uh infinite multiverse of lives coexisting, dealing with this technological singularity that we're all moving towards? What's the decision? What do you do? I think it's to be aware of it, aware of what they're doing. Is there a robot dick in my ass? I can't believe it. Look at it.

Right there. Right? That's when you're aware. You're aware it's happening, and you are able to not be completely manipulated because at least you're aware of the... Yeah. As opposed to walking blindly through the world and not thinking about the fact that your phone's listening to you or that you're... Yeah. I'm really worried about what the next grab is going to be.

Because the next grab in order to ensure that people be safe from this COVID-19, it's hard, man. Once they get some sort of control and power over you, it's hard to give that shit up. And when we're looking at these studies that show that it's not at least as far as the amount that it's been contained and hasn't spread through the population, but the amount of people that actually have been infected, how many of them actually die, that it's much smaller than they were fearing it would be. When are they going to let us be normal people again? Or are they ever? Are they ever? I mean, we're just wearing masks from now on? Do we have to wait for a vaccine?

Like, did we decide that it's more... Are you spraying down your water? Just a little. He's saying, is it more... Is it worse to die from this than to die from the flu or to die from all these other things? And you know what else is really interesting? I was reading this thing where there might be a balance. You know, a lot of people died from COVID, right?

It's not to diminish the amount of people that died, but that because people are staying at home, less people have died from automobile accidents. That it might turn out to be... I got money back on my car insurance because of that. Yeah. And do you see how low gas is? I have to do it the way I do. Gas is free. They're giving you gas.

Oils. Right, because no one's driving. They pay you to fill up now. It's got to be what it is. It's negative 35 cents. If everyone was driving, it would be more valuable. What's the other factors? The Illuminati lizard people want you to know that gas is cheap?

They haven't stopped making it or whatever it is. Well, these fuckheads need to keep it at $1.50 a gallon. Cut the shit. We're trying to rebuild this economy, you fucking greedy lizard people. There's people that believe that, right? David Icke still, I was watching that London Real interview. He said he believes that he saw someone's eyeballs turn into lizard people.

Yeah. Did he say it on that one or did he say it on the other one? No, he said it on the Valuetainment. There's a Valuetainment podcast. They were interviewing him after the London Real podcast was taken off the air. And he said he saw people's eyeballs turn into reptile eyeballs. Right.

And I'm like, Chuck, please. Yeah, yeah. Chuck, please. Could have been some good LSD maybe at work. Or maybe it didn't really happen. Yeah, that's true. Maybe he just wanted to. Or maybe it did happen.

Maybe it didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More likely it didn't. Probably not, yeah. Yeah, this idea that people are lizards. It's hard enough just being a person, just dealing with people people. You know, you have no evidence of lizard people. Stop.

Let's try to figure this out together. You're distracting everybody. All this lizard talk. I think we want to believe that there's something that can't be explained. It's 5G. The towers. The 5G, Tom Green. Right.

So what's that all about? Have you been paying attention to 5G? Yeah. Research flat earth and 5G? You probably had the flat earth people here, right? This is a little Duvall. Do you know little Duvall on Instagram? He had a hilarious point that he put up.

I think he retweeted somebody else's point but there's like five countries with 5g towers and uh more than 100 countries that have covid19 how the fuck do you think right it got from there to all those people you really think it's 5g yeah some people do yeah some people think it's 5g some people think it's 5G, man. It's amazing how things can just kind of grab a hold on the internet. Here's the question. If it was 5G, how would you find out?

Do you think Verizon would let you know? If 5G just started fucking people's heads up and they started running into walls, do you think Verizon would be like, hey guys, maybe we... Oh, you caught us. Sorry. You got us. what would they do if it really was 5g our bad we were trying this thing if 5g really did fuck people up well you know i i look i've always asked myself you know going back to just talk about radio waves

microwaves i mean i've always wondered okay is do more people have cancer now as a cancer survivor i go did i get cancer because i grew up in a world where there's radio waves and cell phones and all this stuff in there? Or are just people living longer and getting cancer? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. But you wonder, it's got to affect the human body to send, I don't know, what is it, radio wave, electronic energy through the air going through your body, through your cells. It's got to affect it, right? So you could sort of see how somebody might think that a stronger signal could potentially affect the cells in your body, maybe.

But, you know, why start now? Let's go back to just radio, you know, microwave ovens, you know? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? I don't think so. Yeah. I mean, I think there's a lot of factors, but I think that biological factors, they found in instances, and I believe they found it in cave people and certain animals. They found cancer in all sorts of animals.

Yeah. And wild animals, they've found cancer in them. Cancer is a weird thing. And we can't assume, like when someone is born with certain diseases, right? We don't try to make some sort of environmental connection always to the fact that they're born with certain diseases. Even people that are living in paradise with no toxins in the environments, there's still the weird randomness the giving birth two people conceiving a child and the child coming out and what everything has to be in order all the ducks have to be in a row to make sure there's no diseases like with there's so many variables man and one of the variables is

cancer and the fact that some people get it and some people don't and some people live their lives Terribly they abuse the fuck out of their bodies. They take all kinds of drugs and nothing happens It's crazy. Yeah, and then there's people like you that just live normal and they get cancer And if you didn't pay attention to it, you could have died. That's just how it is The world is weirdly random in that sense, where it's not fair. Genetics are not fair. Intelligence is not fair. Creativity is not fair. There's no fair. There's no fair. And if you start looking for fair, fair is in your household, okay? Fair is amongst your clan. Fair is amongst your loved ones. Fair is not the outside. The outside world is a wild, competitive battleground of ideas and actions. And it's not fair.

It's not fair at all. And how do you prevent that randomness from scaring the shit out of you? You can't, Tom Green. That's where weed comes along. You can't, man. You can't. You just got to keep on keeping on. Yeah, there's no way.

If you prevent it from scaring the shit out of you, then you're not paying attention to it. You'd have to block it out completely if it wasn't terrifying. Because if you're paying attention to it, it's going to be terrifying. If you're not blocking it out completely, you look at the randomness of just the fact that we're in this planet with no roof and we're hurling through the galaxy and there's all these asteroids out there and sometimes they don't see them because they're coming from behind the sun. They just fucking slam into us and kill everybody.

Yeah. I spend a lot of time trying to decide what freaks me out more, the infinity of the universe or the infinity of being dead, you know? The infinity of the universe or the infinity of being dead. That goes forever. And once you're dead, well, that's forever too, right? There's no. No, here would be the infinity.

What's stranger? This would be the scariest. Yeah. The infinity of the universe, if you live forever and you can breathe in space and you didn't need food and you were just floating forever and go see what the fuck's going on out there you can't there's you're never going to land you're never going to touch ground you're just going to float through forever for billions and billions of years without ever talking to anybody but you're never going to die that sounds terrifying that might be. Yeah. That might be way worse than dying.

Yeah. I think that would be. I mean, what is worse than dying? Wishing you were dead? Flying forever for billions of years? You know how bored you'd be after the first billion years and realize you have an infinite amount of billion years left where you're still going to be alive? Breathe in air with no need for food, no friends. You know what you know now, but you've been transformed by the gods into this symbol of psychic torture.

You're the God Green. Tom Green, in 2021, God came back to show us all a lesson. He let Tom Green breathe in space and fly on forever and live forever. And then you streamed your thoughts you can't land on a planet and go look around there's no landing

you're gonna be up in space forever it'd be frustrating to fly right by a great planet yeah one planet looks like Lake Havasu where girls have their tops off and they're all drinking

you can't go down can you see it though? how closely can you see it? close enough to Jackoff but then back into space again. That one might not be so bad then. You get that once every billion years. You come around to Planet Havasu.

It's not a daily Havasu. It's not a two, three times daily. Five times daily. It's like, what was that movie? Do you remember that movie that was about, like, goddammit, Porky's? Oh, Canadian. Was Porky's oh canadian yeah was porky's canadian the biggest independent film of all time was porky's at the time probably i'm sure that's changed now was that an independent film interesting yeah and i remember when i remember

that because that was my my age right you know our age right you know when you were like a kid and all of a sudden there was like you could see yes you could see boobies in a movie it was pretty much that was the movie to see that was the movie to see man that was a you could not make that movie today no porkies yeah oh yeah there was no chance there was some some weird shit it was a rape fest? I just remember some weird shit in there for sure, yeah. By standard current definitions? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of sexual assault, wasn't there? I have to go watch it again.

Yeah, me too. Well, there's definitely some peeping Tom type activities, weren't they there? Yeah. Some violence. The teacher grabs the one kid. There we go. Whoa. There's a lot of those.

What a great film. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When we were kids, this was the shit, right? What year was this? 81, it says. Oh, my God. So I was 14.

This was the shit, dude. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This was. This movie's probably a time capsule. And there's moments in that movie where when you're a kid and you're seeing that, and there's no internet, and you're seeing something that you've never even fathomed before.

And look what they did, too. They made it about an earlier time. They made it. They got off the hook by making it in the 1950s. Is it? I don't know. Maybe not. Oh, and that's from Sex and the City, right?

Oh, yeah. Kate Cattrall. Kate Cattrall. Kim Cattrall. Yeah, I knew she was in there. This is the scene I was going to bring up I didn't want to mention. Because I felt weird mentioning it. Who stayed hot longer than Kim Cattrall? She hung in there strong.

Multiple decades. Porky's, 1981, son. All the way to Sex and the City. Go back a little bit on that, though. Let me see those cars from the 1950s, like before that, when the cars are pulling into the parking lot. Like, look, they did it all. Yeah, there it is.

So look at those cars. Those are all like 1953 cars. So they did it all in an even earlier time. So they got off the hook by saying, yeah, people back there, they're fucking cave people, the 1950s, grabbing tits. Yeah. Spitting on their dicks. And it was an innocent time.

Yes. Well, it was also a time where you could do these outrageous, ridiculous movies and people would just roll their eyes and go, oh. They wouldn't, you know, protest you, have you deplatformed from everything. Well, come out of theater. Then there'd be the vhs of it and everyone talk about it they were like the ski movies they had the snow hot dog yes hot dogging and fast times at richmond high of course got big but you know when phoebe cates gets out of the pool

everybody sort of paused that rewound that the coming of age high school movie yeah was giant and it was you know i mean for people who don't remember young people I mean can you even imagine a world without an internet so that was your only access to seeing any sort of nudity right I wonder I think we have it best yeah because we were born and raised with no internet and then we found the internet later in life. So we realize how crazy it is. Whereas these kids that are growing up today, they've always had the internet. The concept of no internet is so alien to them. Yeah.

And when you don't have instant access to seeing anything you can imagine, then your mind has to use its creativity to come up with ideas and visualize it. And that doesn't exist now. So I'm glad that we grew up in that era. Dude, we got lucky. We really did. Because that time was like... And no one's ever going to get that again.

You never get it again. Unless we fuck up and society restarts. But then you're going to learn how to kill a bird with a rock. You're going to be starving to death a bird with a rock, right? You're going to be starving to death. Right. If society resets that hard- You'll be fine. No one's going to be fine.

Listen, that life is horseshit. You don't want to live that life. The fact that we're young enough to enjoy all the technology now, you and I, We're young enough to enjoy it the same way young, but we also are old enough to have remembered as adults living life without it. It's kind of a luxury. And we're the only generation, we're the only age group that will ever experience that. For sure. It's a unique perspective. Did you have Pong as a kid?

Yeah. It was the first video game I played. Yeah, me too. So Pong, which we used to have have was the most crude video game ever. Oh I didn't have it. My friend Sean Potvin had it. But you were around what you experienced it. Yeah it was probably the grade would have been fifth grade and I would go over to his house after school and I was like I remember I remember he was like yeah wait what you're controlling the movement of the television?

There's a there's a thing and you're controlling it? Yeah. And it was mesmerizing. Now you watch people playing Call of Duty. the movement of the television? There's a thing, and you're controlling it? Yeah. And it was mesmerizing. Now you watch people playing Call of Duty. They're pulling sniper shots on people, making their fucking heads explode. Look at Jamie gets excited about that. Look at him.

Is that what you're addicted to? Call of Duty? Yes. How bad? How bad's your addiction? I didn't play yesterday. Oh, you took a day off. I took a day off.

Were you sweating? No, I almost played. I edited game footage instead. God damn it. You can just watch somebody play for half an hour and get your fix. Oh, you can get a little fix. Watch a little Twitch fix. Is that what Twitch is good for? Watch through their eyes. See how they pull off a shot? You don't have to

commit to turn it on. Those goddamn video games. That's how they're going to get you too. I mean, think about how big that is. Video games now, first of all, they were already at the borderline of being bigger than the film industry, right? And then they got bigger than the film industry. And now the film industry is taking a big hit because people aren't going to the movies. So they're going to have to go straight to iPhones or Apple TV or Amazon.

That's what a lot of them are doing now, right? Does that mean we're getting closer and closer to living inside the machine? Because you live inside that computer game. It's more exciting. Everything's coming through your TV now? Even the movies are coming through TV? How's a movie going to compete with Call of Duty?

Fortnite is launching Travis Scott's new song and music video or something today. In the game, they made a character for him. Their launch, it might be happening right now actually. And not only do you not have to leave the house,

but we're not allowed to leave the house. How many people are going to do that in games have stand-up comedy specials in games? It's going to be an option now. It's going to be an option.

Because you can have an audience. You can go to the Tom Green Theater and you walk in and sit down and the curtain parts and Tom Green gets on stage and does a special. They already did it once with a DJ, and it was live. He was talking live.

I don't know what he could see. Do you know, like, on his end, if he had a room with, like, all the thousands of servers that were open? Holy shit. If they could do that, that would be awesome. But they're very close already. Yeah, they're going to be able to do it. I've seen 360 degree

YouTube videos. Have you seen those? Where you can move your cursor around? It's crazy. You can move to different spots in the room. Virtual reality didn't take off though, did it? The glasses? It didn't take off when they first invented it, because I don't think the technology was ready. But before the

quarantine, there's a thing that we were playing down the street called Sandbox, and it's amazing yeah it's really good dude like there's one where it's what is it deadwood mansion that was called you put you have a haptic feedback vest on and you have a rifle and you have these goggles on you put the headphones on you have things that go around your wrists and things grow in your ankles so it tracks your movement and then you're in a haunted mansion and fucking zombies are coming running at you. And you're gunning them down. And it's wild.

They're dropping out of the roof right in front of you, and they grab you. They hit you. You see red in front of you, and you feel it on your vest. It's nuts, man. And then the graphics are going to get better. Yes. They're way better now than they used to be. And then you're not going to want to leave.

We had John Carmack come in. John Carmack is the guy who designed Quake. He designed a 3D engine for Doom and Quake and all those amazing video games. And then he was working for Oculus. So he came in with the newest Oculus. The newest Oculus is just a headset. You put it on and it works off of an iPad. You have a headset and these two things.

You have no tether. There's no cord attaching you. You have a headset and these two things. You have no tether. There's no cord attaching you. And it has like this clearly designed framing for your game playing area. So like you frame the room. So if your room is like out here, big, like a warehouse, you can walk around like 30 feet this way and 30 feet that way and make a 30 foot square and 30 foot in each direction.

And then it knows that's the game footage and shows you where the walls are. So it gives you this view of like, don't go past here. It gets opaque and now you back up and now you're inside the haunted house again. Now you back up and you're in the alien spaceship again. It's nuts what they can do now. And when the graphics get better and then the world gets bigger,

that's when you don't want to leave. Because you feel like you can actually physically go explore and never find the end of it well that what was that one game where you make universes you make planets and worlds yeah it's called no man's sky but it was like a never-ending self-perpetuating type as you kept going it just made more i don't know if it worked out the way it was designed or the way it was advertised, but they're still working on it, and that's just one step, though, to get further in. That is going to probably be the inspiration for someone when new technology emerges to take it to the next level and come up with some other even more deeply immersive game. Once they really get that haptic feedback shit down precise

where you can feel someone grabbing your tits you can feel someone yeah why leave the house around your neck why leave the house trying to choke you yeah you know yeah well that's what you're into i mean if you're getting attacked oh you know if you're in the game and you're kicking the door and some guy jumps on you grabs your neck and you're like bang, bang, bang. And then he drops to the ground and you're like, fuck, this is crazy. Like you felt him choking you. Like all that. I mean, movies like The Revenant, right?

Where Leonardo DiCaprio gets attacked by that grizzly bear. Yeah. Wow. Imagine if you had a suit on that lets you get attacked by a grizzly bear. They have that. You've seen that, right? But it throws you to the ground. Yeah.

It's biting on you, shaking you like a leaf. You're like, holy fuck. Yeah. You know, it's just some suit that figures out how to manipulate your body the same way it would be manipulated in this video game. I haven't done a lot of that stuff, but it's like that your mind does believe it, right? Well, it could be. There's the one where you walk to the edge of a thing, you look down, you get vertigo

and you know you're in a thing, but your mind just seeing... You walk a plank. We actually had a plank. I think I saw it on your show actually. Did I see it here? We've definitely talked about it. We definitely talked about it. You could put a board down on the ground, like a two by four, and then walk on it

and it seems like this is the board you're walking on. And look below you, you see the city streets. Yeah. I saw that recently on the internet. Yeah. How long until you can fly? How long until you can ride one of them Avatar dragons? Go through Pangea, where is that?

What was that? Pandora. Pandora. Go through Pandora, riding on a dragon. How long? Not that long, man. Less than 100 years. 100 years from now, you're just going to whoop, whoop, whoop, and you're going to be gone.

Right. You're going to be in some other universe. You're going to be in some other world. You're going to be Luke Skywalker. You're going to be Mickey Mouse. It's going to happen, man. It's going to happen 100%. How long does it take? how long does it take you

know how long does it take for that happens and will it be gradual or will it be one big leap we don't see it coming and we're all like those buffalo that the native americans used to push off the cliff or one of them would go off the cliff and then the other one will go fuck there's a cliff but there's like a thousand buffalo behind you that don't know it's a cliff, so they just keep pushing. Yeah. When that headset goes on and it's way more satisfying than reality, we're going to have trouble. Especially because of fuck. The thing that's going to push it is porn. I'm sure that will probably be what happens.

That's what pushes every technology. Push streaming, push VHS, push so many things. Porn. Video for sure once they figure out how to literally and have it feel like you're having sex with a porn star yeah like she has sex with a guy that guy wears a headset and then you put that headset on and it's like they're having sex with you yeah why leave Why leave the house at that point? Why leave the house? Why leave the house?

Just zoop, zoop. It's right in your temples. What if that's how we have to watch Avatar 2 or 3? Oh, no. I'm not doing it, James Cameron. First, you're trying to get me to be vegan. Now you want me to be a robot. But the Avatar, what was that?

Like the Avatar depression syndrome when people couldn't watch it or whatever? No. People got Avatar depression because they went to see avatar and they wished their lives with that noble They wish their lives with that important and amazing people that have a V depression Yes, it was real because they realized that we live a bullshit life. Yeah, and they want to ride a dragon And then fucking shoot bows and arrows at the bad guys and then fucking shoot bows and arrows at the bad guys. They got avatar depression. It was like a real thing because so many psychologists were talking to these people, so many psychiatrists were treating these patients,

that they just started calling it something. Like, well, how many guys are you getting every day that are sad? Because avatar is not real. How do you do this as often as you do? The energy, the mental energy that it must... I mean, this is awesome. I mean, but for me, like, I don't have to... We've been on here for a couple... I'm mentally ill.

This is easy. This is how I am. Amazing. Come on, man. That's nonsense. I just found something that works with whatever's fucked up about me. Whatever's fucked up about me is I'm interested in shit and I talk too much. Yeah, no. Perfect. Amazing. Put it together.

No, it's amazing. It's exciting to sit here with you, of course, but to see the genuine enthusiasm for all of these ideas we're talking about. You do this every day. You do this, you know, not every day, but you do this a lot. I mean, how do you keep that enthusiasm? Don't you have cool conversations with people a lot? I do. I day. You do this, not every day, but you do this a lot. How do you keep that enthusiasm?

Don't you have cool conversations with people a lot? I do. I do. Yeah, I just do it in here. It's really just picking who you get to talk to. I love it. I love it. I feel honored to be able to sit here.

I feel honored to be able to sit here with you. And have you just put this much energy into this show with me. This is amazing. Dude dude i'm happy to do it and i appreciate you and i appreciate you showing me the way yeah for real 2007 being over at your house showed me the way i mean it's so cool you say it man it's true i just really appreciate it you know it's a class act man not everybody says stuff like that so thank you for just at least throwing me a an acknowledgement. Oh, please. Very cool. I have always been in your debt in that regard, for sure.

Because I do really remember thinking, like, wow, Tom Green's stepping up. I was like, he's going deep with this. This is crazy. When you see someone doing something like that, like set up a whole production studio at their house, a whole, I mean, you had a whole real studio. Like, you could go live. I was like, wow. Like, that for sure planted a ton of seeds in my little garden. Yeah.

You nailed it, dude. And you're doing it again. Yeah. Yay. How can people watch what you're doing again? I'm doing a podcast. I'm doing a podcast, the Tom Green Podcast. So it's where you get podcasts.

And I'm on Instagram, Twitter, TomGreen.com. Are you doing video of this as well? Yeah, not yet. I've just been doing the audio, but I'm going to put some cameras on it. Because you were showing me that light, that cool light. Yeah, so I'm setting it up now. So yeah, it's this really cool light. So video soon?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, beautiful. I know you've got some cool lights here, but the Roto light. Check out the Roto light. Respect to the OG. Thank you, Tom Green. Appreciate you, brother. Thank you for being here.

All right. Thank you, Joe. Bye, everybody.