The Joe Rogan Experience - #1473 - Tom Papa

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

Tom Papa is a comedian, actor, writer and television/radio host. Check out his new book "You're Doing Great!" and also his podcast "Breaking Bread with Tom Papa" available on Spotify.

Okay. So what were you just saying, Jamie? We have LA's stay-at-home order will likely remain in place for the next three months unless there is a, quote, dramatic change to the virus and tools at hand, officials say. How are people supposed to feed themselves? Like, really, realistically, how do they expect this to work? You go out to work, and then you skitter back home. That's not what they're saying. That's not what stay at home means. Stay at home means you don't go to work.

Yeah, but at the same time, they're opening up businesses, right? They're opening up very few businesses, and you have to get curbside for retail. I heard our governor in the state of California say that 70% of businesses are open now. Well, if that's the case, even if that was the case, let's say 30% of people are out of work. That's catastrophic.

And I don't think it's true. I don't think 70% of the places are open. That's what he said, 70% of businesses. Even if they're open, they're not open at 100% capacity. Or they're probably working from home, like offices. He's probably he said. 70% of businesses. Even if they're open, they're not open at 100% capacity. Or they're probably working from home, like offices. He's probably counting offices. And those people are still working and getting paid, but they're doing it from home.

So this is just LA? LA County. Just LA, yeah. So that means like Comedy Store has no chance. Yeah, I believe it's for the county. Yeah, so it's the biggest county. This is the same fuck up who thought it would be a good idea to have people rat on people for money. Technically, this was not coming from the mayor. This was coming from a health, someone in the health department talking at a supervisor meeting or something.

So it was a suggestion. It wasn't an official order, but it's coming. So it's not an official order. Not an official order. But L.A. is the densest county in America. How about that? Is it really? Yeah.

More than New York? Yeah. As a county. Hmm. That seems odd, doesn't it? It does seem odd. Seems like a lot of people. New York City is denser.

Yeah. New York City is... The thing about New York City that makes it great is that everybody sort of mingles together. Everybody gets on the subway together. Everybody walks together on the streets. Yeah. It's also the reason why everybody's getting sick together. Yeah. But I saw an interesting thing that the highest, this guy wrote an editorial about the reasons for New York.

And he lives in New York. And he said Staten Island had the highest number. This was written before. I think Brooklyn has now edged it. But at the time, that Staten Island was the highest, and it was the least densely populated. And Manhattan, which is the most densely populated, had the fewer number of cases. Really? Mm-hmm. had the fewer number of cases. Really?

Mm-hmm. Well, I wonder if that is similar to, you know, what they're finding with people that work together, in prisons in particular. They're finding that there was this one prison they did a study on, 98% of the people were asymptomatic. Really? Yeah. 98%?

Yeah, 98%. Jeez. It's nuts. That's weird. So I was bringing it up with a friend of mine, and I was like, do you think this is because my friend Kyle Kalinsky, and he was like, I think it's because their immune systems are strong because they're just interacting with each other constantly. And I was like, oh, that kind of makes sense because I was thinking, if you're in prison,

you're probably stressed out and you're getting bad food. Yeah, and horrible sleep. And yet your immune system's strong. Right. Because you're just being bombarded all the time. Yeah. You're being bombarded all the time by stinky, dirty people. Where if you live in an isolated, fancy place with purified air and all this.

You're in a wonderful community in Brentwood. You don't see your neighbors ever. You don't go anywhere. You're very fragile. Yeah. You go to the store community in Brentwood. You don't see your neighbors ever. You don't go anywhere. You're very fragile. Yeah, you go to the store. You come home. And now our immune systems are, I would imagine, and this is just pure speculation, but I would imagine that your immune system is like all the other systems of your body that when it gets tested, it gets stronger, right? Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. So your immune system right now is being put into a state of atrophy because it's not being exposed to anything new. It's in a lounge chair. It's just chilling. It's got sunglasses on. It's in a barca lounge chair. Hasn't worked in years. It's got soft legs that cramp up when it goes upstairs.

And all of a sudden it gets called to go to work and it's just like, dude, what? Wouldn't you imagine if that's the case? It seems like it. Yeah. Yeah. I can imagine. We're setting ourselves up to get really sick if something comes down the pipe. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that was what was very strange in the beginning of all this when people were saying that you, you know, that people just spout out, you can't do anything for your immune system. You can't make it stronger. That's nonsense. And it was like, really? Who was saying that? Just online.

I mean, I did a thing with, really, just like people spouting off. Yeah. Online, it's crazy because online, it's written. And when you're seeing things written, you're like, wow, this must make sense. It's written. I know. It's got 150,000 likes. This has got to be real.

I know. It's just Bob said it. It's just a matter of a guy walking down the street. It's the same thing. I don't understand how we could take three more months off. I really don't. Well, it depends what they mean. When you hear the governor talk, he's moving it along and he's in these phases and pushing it through.

And it doesn't – I don't think it's going to be – as I'm stammering at the realization of it. I don't – I don't think it's going to be like what it was in April and May. Why not? In July. Because I want to go outside. I think so too. L.A. County beaches reopen May 13th. Yes, but you can't hang out on your lounge.

You can't hang out on your towel. You got to go in. Make that larger, please. Go back to where it was. You can do water sports. No lying. We're sitting on the sand. Right.

Canopies, coolers, or picnicking. Right. You can be active. You can go swim. Parking lots are closed. So where do they expect you to park? They don't want you to go. Individual family activities and exercise only.

Yeah, so you can go down, you can swim, you can ride the waves, and then get out of the ocean and get back in your car. Look at this. No picnicking. You can't picnic. No biking. No picnicking. You can't picnic. No biking. No biking. No, why can't you bike? I have to say.

No volleyball? You see that round circle with the slash through it with the giant canopies? Those should be banned all year. Have you ever been next to one of those on the beach? Oh, those are disgusting. Oh, my God. Why are you allowed to set up camp? Building a house.

Yeah, you're basically saying this is my area of the sand Yeah Blocking everyone's view Yeah, you can get a fucking towel That's what you can get You get a towel and that's it That's how it's always been I know

These people come down there They've got coolers and tables higher than this You see they have fences now? People are setting up beach fences Yeah, yeah, yeah They're selling beach fences You set it up You stick it in the sand and you mark off your area. Oh my

God. Social distancing. We're creating dorks. This is all before social distancing. These are just people making camps there and bringing 25 people. Oh, I hate it. So, reopens tomorrow is what they're saying. Yeah, baby. Well, that's good.

That's a start. I think we need to move in the other direction. I think we need to quarantine people that are at risk. That's what I think, really. And then let people make their own choices. The idea that these hospitals are going to be overwhelmed is not true. It's not correct. Luckily, we're very fortunate. And the idea that we're going to run out of ventilators, that's not true either. Right. And then also, that doctor that worked with Michael Yeo was telling you this before we started. The doctor said that if you put him on a ventilator, he would die because his body would stop trying to breathe and it would just sort of give up.

And this is what Michael Yeo's doctor told him, and he survived. And then we're finding out that a lot of people they put on ventilators don't make it and i wonder if what he's saying applies to those people right he was he has a special case of why they didn't want him on the ventilator no his doctor is just a wise guy he's just smart and just figured it out well i mean look i mean it's a weird thing to think you know what what if we hadn't done all of these measures would the hospitals have been because the hospitals for a beat were crazy depends on where you are yeah like if you weren't in Queens yeah it was yeah saying yeah this place is where

it's horrible yeah so like if you if we hadn't done these things what would have the result have been it's a good question you know I mean would we have achieved herd immunity you know or would we have achieved herd immunity, you know, or would we have achieved it quicker? Yeah. That's the, you know, herd immunity is like 60% of the people have been infected. Right. And then the virus sort of dies off. Right. You know, when you look at the Spanish flu, when you look at the history of that, and, you know, the places that did something fared much better than the places that didn't. The end result was, you know, all these people died.

It goes through the same amount of time, but just you have a lot more fatalities, you know. And it's always been this kind of calculation like, you know, people are doing the math. I feel like people are doing the math and they're saying, okay, X amount will die, but we've got to get back to work and get these people to work. And they're trying to figure out that equation. Is the suffering of the people that are probably going to survive even if they get it? Is that suffering going to be greater than the suffering for families who lose people? Right. So that's that balancing act.

And you can see where people are coming out on it. Certain places are like, no, it's just time to go. And yeah, there'll be casualties, but we'll deal. And other people are saying save lives at all costs. Well, if we say save lives at all costs, we should all stop driving. I don't want to do that, too. So I can't go on. But you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, no, I know what you're saying. Yeah, right. There's things that are risk. This is one of those things that's a uniquely human problem because there's no real answer for it. Because most human problems are like, whoa, it's, oh, hmm. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

No, right. You don't, you kind of, we're all isolated on this one thing. Yep. And then you stop thinking, well, we live at risk all day long. Yeah. You know. And then you stop thinking, well, we live at risk all day long. Yeah.

You know. Well, not only do we live at risk all day long, but we make decisions that could put ourselves at risk. And we're allowed to make those decisions. But with this, you're not allowed to make those decisions. And the idea is, well, because you put others at risk. Okay. But who and why and, you know, when do we decide? Like, how long can we go on with this? If we don't have any new tools in July, what is going to be the difference between July and now?

Well, that's what Fauci is saying about the fall. He's saying that, you know, there's going to be a resurgence of it in the fall. You're going to have more because it's the flu season. People are going to and you need to be prepared to with testing and stuff to to deal with this in the right way or else you're back to what we were dealing with in april and may and that you've got to be you got to learn from it and be prepared and it's the testing the testing the testing yeah it just seems you know elon just opened up his factory in california the tesla factory and and said, come arrest me. Right.

Basically saying what you're doing is a violation of civil liberties. You're telling people that they're not allowed to go to work and that this has become a fascist state. See how that goes. Yeah. I kind of feel like they're seeing, like they know that they'll save lives this way. But they, I mean, look, if you're the governor, right? What do you do? What do you do?

I mean, you want people to be safe, but you also are looking at the books every day and realizing that your state is in need of a trillion dollars to survive. If that's it. It might be a lot more than that. Yeah. That's just based on what we know is active in the businesses that are open right now. Right. I mean, how many, like a friend of mine was saying, how many people are unemployed right now and they don't even know it? Yeah.

Their business is just never going to make it. Right. And then also there's going to be less people with money, so there's going to be less spending. So these economies are going to need some sort of a resurgence. He's going to need some sort of a resurgence. So if you're the governor, you're not out there just to control people and take away their civil liberties because you're screwing yourself on the other end with people being broke and the economy falling apart. So you're in this spot. I do not envy it.

It's also when you start telling people what to do, it's very difficult to stop. So once you have the ability to tell people what to do, it's very difficult to just turn that and go go ahead go back to normal do whatever you want to do now right right which is what we used to do just four months ago right do whatever you want to do yeah but now all of a sudden do you see that goofy fucking list that they put out of all the stuff you can and can't do no it's even goofier than the the list that we saw about the beaches oh really fucking preposterous this really long list that California put out of things you're allowed to do outside. You can meditate.

You can do soft martial arts. You can watch the sunrise or the sunset. I mean, it's so asinine. It's just so... You're getting people, in this case, you're getting people that have no business telling people what to do. And all of a sudden they've been assigned this ability to tell people what they're allowed to do and not to do.

Right. And so they make this gigantic, stupid fucking list. And it's really offensive. It is a weird thing. It's fucking dumb. Dan Crenshaw put something up on his Instagram. See if you can find it where he shows what you can and can't do in this one particular list and how preposterous it is. There's a bunch of lists that different states are putting up and different states have different approaches.

One thing that I do like about the fact that we are the United States of America is that different states do have different approaches and we get to watch how that experiment plays out. It is an experiment, isn't it? I'm just like, so how's Georgia? Everyone every day has to down. What's going on down there? Permitted. Walking, running, exercising, surfing, fishing, no chairs.

Prohibited. Sunbathing, sitting in chairs, group sports, groups of people, swimming. And here's what he says. For your daily dose of things that are stupid, here you go. How many geniuses sat around and deliberated over these particulars? Okay, they can fish, but we don't want them getting any sun while they fish. And no chairs, because we are saving lives.

High fives all around. He's so right. I guess this is New Jersey. OCNJ, that's New Jersey, right? Yeah. Yeah, Ocean County, New Jersey. OCNJ, that's New Jersey, right? Yeah. Yeah, Ocean County, New Jersey. Yeah. Fuck off.

Yeah. Fuck off with that group. So what do you think? At this point, let's just let it rip? I don't think let it rip. I think education is imperative. I think, first of all, there has to be some education on how to strengthen your immune system. Right.

There are experts that understand. I mean, I'm having Dr. Rhonda Patrick on tomorrow to talk about this. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's great. It's very important to talk about supplementation, to talk about hormetic effects of heat shock proteins, cold shock proteins, what we can do as far as mitigating the stresses that you get from not having enough sleep, meditation, all sorts of different things that we need to teach people. How to strengthen your immune system. How to keep your body healthy.

I'm with you 100%. I'm doing all that stuff, learning about it as I go through life. And I meditate. I take vitamins. I exercise. Eat a lot of bread. Eat a lot of bread. This bread is so much better.

It's good. Better than the last one? It might be the best ones I've ever made. How is it possible? I swear to God. The last lot of bread. Eat a lot of bread. This bread is so much better. I bet it's good. It's better than the last one? It might be the best ones I've ever made. How is it possible? I swear to God. The last one was perfection. I'm home. I just keep getting better.

How do you get better at bread? You get better. There's so many things that go into it every day. I don't understand how you get better at bread. I'm telling you. Wait till you see it. I'm glad you're around, man. I'm eating bread right now.

You're agreeing, but. All that stuff is great, but that list you just said about heat proteins that's in it, that is so much more complicated than no chairs at the beach, dummy. Yes, it is. Honestly, when you talk to people just out there shopping, doing stuff, going to the beach, the guy who's setting up his tent with his poles and he's got his thing. That guy's not going to know shit about... I got my beach fence.

Don't spit in my area. He's not going to know anything about his immune system or any of the protein. With the herd, you've got to tell them, no dummy. Fish, no chair. Why can't you fucking sit down and fish? I mean.

That's so crazy. Like, when you cast out to the surf and you have bait, you sit down. You put your fucking pole in a pole holder so it's standing there. And you sit back and you watch your line. That's what you do. Because there's going to be some jackass who's going to come up and say, Sir, they said no chairs. I got my pole.

I'm fishing. We're all fishing, right? Honey, we all got a pole. Fishing, but no chairs. Chairs are dangerous. If you stay put, it could come get you. It's preposterous. It is preposterous.

But the other part of the United States of America, and then we all get to make our own rules and see this experiment is like like the information flow is so confusing. It's been so – I mean, from the first time we heard about it in January, like there's this thing. I have been looking at my phone every day going, is that true? Is this right? Right. Is this true? Is that – wait.

I read it on Twitter. No masks. Now a mask. Now I'm not a mask. Right. You know what i mean like well even fauci i posted something on from 60 minutes yesterday i read that i saw that fauci was saying you don't need to wear a mask this was like that was early right that was early

fucking march it's not that early man i know but that's when they were saying no mask because they didn't have masks is that why i think so well. But he was saying you don't, specifically, you don't need a mask. Yeah. But look, there's people out there wearing masks while they're driving in their cars. That's why I put it up. Because I see these fucking dorks. I know. Come on, man.

Who's in your car blowing germs in your face? I know, by yourself. And by the way, those things are not going to keep the air from coming in your mouth. No. And it's in the air. If it's in the air, it's going to get in your mouth. It's going to keep you from spitting it out, maybe, and getting it on somebody. Maybe

it'll stem the flow a little bit. And yeah, if you're out in public, particularly if you're going around a lot of people, and you think you might have something with a mask. I'm in the supermarket wearing my mask, wearing this. Just pull this up on my thing. You're a bandit. I go with the bandit. All of a sudden, everyone's a bandit. Everyone's a bandit. Everyone's robbing a bank.

I can't wait for the first time someone robs something and they've all got their mask on. I'm sure it's already happened. Absolutely. I'm in there with this stupid-ass mask. It's hot. It fogs up my glasses. I'm itchy. My eyes are running.

I'm trying not to touch my face with all this stuff. This is not helping me. No. Yeah. Well, that was the thing Fauci said in the video, that when you wear a mask, people start messing with their face. Yes.

Yeah. Now I'm rubbing my eyeballs with my... I think we need to concentrate on people getting their immune system stronger. And I think the government has the time to put up these fucking stupid lists of not... Don't use a chair. Making a sign.

Put up a list of how important it is to take vitamin C. Supplement your diet with vitamin C. Supplement your diet with vitamin C. Supplement your diet with vitamin D. Yep. You know, to take- Elderberry. Yeah. Take zinc.

Take all sorts of things that have proven to be very good for your immune system. I know. Why wouldn't you do it? Why wouldn't you do it? Anger. Anger. Frustration. Instead, you could just put it off till July, and then it's going to magically be better.

It's not going to be better in July. It's still going to exist. The only thing that's going to be different, it's going to be hot as fuck out. Maybe that's better. Maybe the virus can't survive when it's hot as fuck out and when it untouched things. It'll go down, but then it's going to get cold. And that's what happened in 1918, right? 1919.

Yes. The fall spike was much worse than the spring spike. Is that what they said? Yeah. It came back and the numbers were much higher. Well. And then it just, and this is what I keep trying to figure out. I'm reading all about the history of that.

And it was a two year thing before it just, you know, went through the population and eventually died out. And I keep thinking, are we going to be different? Are we more advanced? Are we going to be able to change that story in modern day? Well, first of all, it's a different disease. It's a very different disease. This is not the Spanish flu. The Spanish flu was way worse.

Right. It was way worse. It was killing everybody. It killed, particularly it attacked young people and healthy people very quickly. You want a Kill Cliff? What is a Kill Cliff? Have some CBD. Very good for you. It doesn't even get you high. Nice. Very good. It's a Kill Cliff? What is a Kill Cliff? Have some CBD. Very good for you.

It doesn't even get you high. Nice. Very good. It's a mango flavor. It's delicious. Ooh, nice. Yeah, so this is a different disease, and it's also a disease where a significant number of people,

in fact, more people than not, are asymptomatic. It's good, right? Yeah. 25 milligrams of CBD. I'm tasting childhood. That's the thing with CBD. Are you taking CBD at all? Mm-mm. You need to. Do I? Yeah, it's so good for CBD. Are you taking CBD at all? Mm-mm.

You need to. Do I? Yeah, it's so good for inflammation, man. Just for everything. Oh, yeah? It alleviates anxiety. A lot of anxiety comes from like, ah, your body's got inflammation. For whatever reason, CBD seems to alleviate anxiety in a significant amount of people. With THC or without? Without. You don't need it. You don't need THC.

I like with. Ah, that's good. I like both. The benefits will be the same with or without? Yeah, sure. You don't need THC. I like with. Ah, that's good. I like both. The benefits will be the same with or without? Yeah, sure. Yeah. It's great stuff. That's really good. It's tasty.

Yeah. That's a small amount of CBD. That's 25 milligrams. But I'm addicted to these things. I drink them all the time. All right. I'm on it. But I also take CBD. I use-

I drops. I had those for a while. Yeah, CBD, MD. I get that stuff, and I put the tinct while. CBD, MD, I get that stuff. And I put the tincture. Yeah, they help me sleep. It's great. It's really good for your body, too.

It's just great for people with arthritis and stiff joints and things along those lines. So that's what I wanted. That's what I want to get people into. Get people healthier. Recognizing, like, hey, here's a time where you can understand that it's important to have a healthy

body. And this is why, because you know, you look at who this is hitting the people that are dying. Yeah. There's, we went over it yesterday. Significant increase in,

in likelihood of death when you're older, older or obese or diabetic. Obese is huge. Yeah. In New York, that's the number one thing. Oh, is it really?

Yeah. The number one thing that led to mortality. Wow. Wow. huge. Yeah. In New York, that's the number one thing. Oh, is it really? Yeah. That's the thing. The number one thing that led to mortality. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. You see, like, I know.

Imagine being fat as fuck and you're like, God damn, I wish I had a little warning. I'd like to get healthy, but it's all of a sudden. I know. Out of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Out of nowhere, I can kill you.

Before, it just was tough going upstairs. I just had to buy bigger pants. I just felt shitty about myself when I looked in the mirror. Yeah. I can kill you. Before, it just was tough going upstairs. I just had to buy bigger pants. I just felt shitty about myself when I looked in the mirror. Yeah, I just avoided mirrors. Now my life isn't being threatened. Yeah, literally. Yeah, literally. People are dying.

I know. You got to be strong. Yeah. I mean, it's just terrible for the people that lost people. It's terrible for people who die. I'm with you on all this stuff, but I just do not think this is the way to handle it. I think quarantining the people that are at risk is a far better option, far smarter option. Yeah.

You know, better testing. If you have older people in your family, they stay in their place. You don't go see them until we get, you know, a vaccine or get through it. No, I mean, there aren't numbers. I mean, if we're just going by the science and you're going by the hard numbers, there's a majority of the workforce could probably go out and work.

The majority, vast majority. Yeah. And, you know, there should be some sort of a waiver for people who can't or don't want to or have anxiety about it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

You know, but I think most people want to or have anxiety about it yeah okay yeah you know have a but i think most people want to go back to work i know i got an offer to go do shows in a club in a couple weeks addison improv's opened back up apparently they're opening back up this weekend texas doesn't give a fuck i love it would you perform would you go to a club i would book it yeah i want to do it i don't know what i'm going to do man i. I mean, if July is legit, if that's really when we go back, that's too many months. It's a lot of months. Too many months to not do stand-up. I know. I start

feeling a little weird. Well, also, your stand-up's going to suck. We're talking about how your cardiovascular system goes down. How about your stand-up system? I know. We'll get that back quick, though. We will. If you get there on Wednesday, by Friday, you'll have your system back. Yeah, you'll be good. You'll be that back quick, though. We will. Yeah, if you get there on Wednesday, by Friday you'll have your system back.

Yeah, you'll be good. You'll be good to go. Your voice will be sore. My throat is out of breath. You won't be thinking right. Yeah, your throat will be out of shape. It's really true. It is true.

I know. I know. But it looks like if you want, there's going to be clubs. You'll have to fly to them. You'll have to fly to them. You've got to go to Addison. Yeah. Yeah.

I heard there's some other clubs around the country that are going to start opening up as well. How was the thing on the weekend? Your thing. Oh, the UFC? Yeah. It was interesting. Yeah. Very weird.

Was it weird? Very weird. Huge arena. No one in it. No one in it. No one in it. 15,000 seat arena. Maybe 10 people in the audience. Wow.

Yeah, and it was all people that worked for the UFC. Wow. Yeah, like us, the three commentators, sound people, a few other folks, judges. Like rehearsal. I guess more than 10 people because there was the judges and then the doctors and state officials, you know, medical officials and athletic commission people. Okay.

And then they just come out and fight and you just hear them breathing and stuff oh my god it's well first of all the main event was spectacular oh yeah it was an incredible fight and it was a fucking war right but it was a war where unlike any other war there's no crowd yeah and you're hearing everything you're hearing every smack of the flesh, every deep breath. You hear them breathing in the nostrils with broken noses. You can hear the fluid

as they're breathing in because their nose is broken and blood's pouring out of it. It was crazy. It was crazy. Jeez, they should just play music over it or something. No. Play crowd music.

No. No, that was part of the thing. Was it cool? Was it cool? That sounds kind of like... Yeah, well You play crowd music. No. No, that was part of the thing. Was it cool? Was it cool? That sounds kind of like. Yeah. Well, I didn't hate it. Yeah.

I felt very fortunate, very fortunate to be there, one of the few people to be there live while this is going on. Right. That's how I felt. Yeah, of the whole world. Yeah. Yeah. While it was happening, I was like, wow, I'm so lucky I get to be here.

That's how I felt. Yeah. You know, even if I have to fly to fucking Florida to do it it yeah it's odd it was all odd that is weird what was like going through the uh getting off the plane taking the car to the thing weird the driver's got a mouth covering on right he was pretty cool about it and i was going and went to went to a restaurant you did yeah ate at a morton Steakhouse. All open? Yep. Sat down. Normal.

No mask. The waiter had a mask on. Uh-huh. I was like, okay. They made him wear masks. Uh-huh. But me and Eddie Bravo sat down, had steak. Really? A glass of wine.

Yeah. Jeez. People at the next tables? There was one or two other couples. There was an older couple. Not that we were a couple. Excuse me. It was one older couple and one younger couple.

And then there was maybe a couple other people at the bar. Wow. So it was fairly empty. But also it was like 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Oh, okay. Right. Are they limiting how many people can come in? Yeah, I think in a lot of places.

My friend Nick, he owns Guy Tano's restaurant in Vegas. And he showed me a diagram of what they're allowed to do. They used a ruler to measure out the floor. Right. And they put six feet in between tables. And so kind of like every other table, they put a black tablecloth over it so you couldn't use that table. So people were separated. Right.

But, I mean, how much of this is science? I mean, how much of this is nonsense? I mean, how much of this is nonsense? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Nobody knows. That's the, I feel like every conversation we have about all of it, it always ends up with, who knows? Right.

Because if you've got all these tables blocked off, right? You've got a black tablecloth on, you can't use that. What if someone's coughing over there? You cool eating your spaghetti while this guy's coughing 12 feet away from you? Who knows what's going on in the kitchen? Who knows what the busboy put in the utensils out? Right. Who knows?

But maybe I keep thinking as we're going around town doing our thing and being cautious with takeout, maybe we're playing the odds. Maybe the odds are more in our favor if we can kind of cut down on some of the dumb stuff. Or maybe our immune system is going to turn into a pile of goo. A mushy, bitch-ass immune system that can't handle anything. Oh, man.

I really thought I had it. I was so upset then I didn't. I know. Everybody thought that. I think I had a sniffle back in January. Yeah, I know it. I was in Seattle. I was on the airplane. I came home. I felt like shit.

I guarantee you I'm immune. I gotta be immune. Everybody said that. Tim Dillon was fucking convinced. Dude, I was so sick. I was sicker than I've ever been in December. Telling you I got it. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. And then I told my wife and she's like, none of those tests are working anyway. That's not true. It's like, you've got to believe in the testing at a certain point. I've been swabbed. I saw you get the swab. That did not look fun.

Yeah, I got it then. You were rocked. Yeah, it just tickles. It's like, ugh. You were messed up for like 15 minutes. You were kind of like, whew. No. You looked weird.

No. Yeah. You're exaggerating. Yes, you are. You were playing pool. You were like, hmm, this felt weird. No, I told you it irritates you for 15 minutes, but it's not that bad. I wasn't acting weird.

If it wasn't for the pandemic, I would have had to hold you as you cried. I was weeping on the inside. That makes me feel better. I had it done again on Sunday, though, and it was way easier. I think my right nostril is less sensitive than my left nostril, if that makes any sense. Well, she said as she was going in, I'm basically touching your brain. Yeah. Well, but they did it again on my right nostril on Sunday and it was nothing. Interesting.

It's weird. I really think I have a sensitive nostril. Oh, that's weird. Well, it's been broken. Right. This fucking nose is useless. How many times? Oh, who knows? Broke it first when I was five fell down the fly stairs when i was five how yeah jeez i've had broken noses ever since then like no bullshit like seriously i've never

broken my nose ever not once jimmy can headbutt you we can film and make great tiktok video that'd be great yeah we'll go viral. Have you broken anything? The only thing I broke was I broke a collarbone, a rib once when I was surfing and learning to surf and it went right into my gut and then I broke the top of my foot, one of the

bones on the top of my foot. Those are weird, right? Because I can't do shit about them. Can't do anything. Yeah, I broke that before too. Except stop you from playing. You just walked fucked up for a month and a half. It's true. Did you break your collarbone or just your rib? Just a rib. Oh.

Just a rib. Yeah, I know a dude who had a fake collarbone. He had a metal plate because his collarbone was so shattered in a motorcycle accident that they had to replace it. So he had like a steel plate in place of his collarbone. That's weird. He said it hurt like hell when it got cold out. Oh, really?

Yeah, because it's a metal piece in your fucking shoulder. That's not good. Collarbone's a weird one. It is a strange one. You know what's weird? I've never seen anybody break it in all the years I've seen fights. Oh, that's interesting because it's pretty delicate. I would think so.

I remember someone saying that. They're like, if I was ever in a fight, I would just punch someone in the collarbone. I'm like, mm. Yeah, I don't think that's going to work. I love how everybody walks around just with their one move in their head. And when that goes south, the look of panic in their face when it doesn't work. Right. I'll just grab them by the balls and pull.

Dude, I woke up this morning and I spent the first hour of my day watching Russian slap fighting videos. Of course you did. It might be the dumbest thing that's going on today. Slap fighting? Yeah, they just stand... You know what it is? No.

Oh, is that when the two guys... It looks like they're going to arm wrestle? They just stand in front of each other and they let each other slap each other in the face. And first of all,

whoever goes first has such a monster advantage. Yeah, of course. Because they KO each other all the time. These huge guys. And they swing from the hip and the other guy doesn't even move. And they open palm strike each other in the face. I spent an hour today. Is this new or was this like an old Russian tradition?

I don't know. I don't know how long it's been around for. I think the first time I watched it was like about a year or two ago, maybe. I don't remember. But it was this morning. It was the fucking... Just slap you right in the head. It was the thing du jour.

It's funny. What makes you, when you wake up, think, you know, I'm going to look up? Like when you first pick up your device. Because I remember there was this one video of a bunch of people standing around. And this guy slapped this guy and KO'd him. And all the people that were standing around were like, wah! And they thought it was cool. I was like, that might be the only time where people think it's cool to be right next to someone who got violent brain trauma.

Yeah. And I was trying to find that video because it was such a strange video. Right. Because there was, I don't remember if there was a table or not. That's weird. All the people were standing around and they were laughing and smiling while this guy went unconscious. And I was like, that's so odd. Right.

The tribal. Do they not know that this is really bad? Some terrible thing just happened to this guy. Like, they think it's funny. They're laughing. Yeah, yeah. No idea. Well, it's almost like it's not real because it's slapping.

Yeah. Because it's not a punch. Like, if he kicked him in the head. And the same thing happened. He goes unconscious and falls back. People are like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. They'd be freaked out.

Yeah. But instead, they slap each other. And everyone's like, ha, ha. Like, what the fuck is that? No sitting on the beach. Nah. Those are the people you're talking to. Yeah.

It was one of those weird things. I'm like, how did this become okay? Yeah. Where you just full brain trauma. It's crazy. I mean, you can see their heads snap. You see their head wiggle and the brain sloshing around inside their noggin. Yeah.

Well, it's like in any fight, right? If you're watching a fight. What is this one here, Jamie? Oh, here goes one. Here's a good one. This guy's 6'7 on the left. He's a former MMA fighter from Brazil, it says. Oh, my God.

Here we go. This is all Russia? They put powder in their hands, too. Oh, my goodness. He didn't even move. Oh my goodness. They put a lot of fucking force in there too. Look at the size of his neck though.

Why do they powder up their hands? To show the mark. Take the sweat off? They're mic'd up too. Here we go. Oh my goodness. Oh he took it.

Why do they Here we go. Oh, my goodness. Oh, he took it. Oh. Why do they? I don't understand why they're looking at the powder. I don't understand why they're doing it. He's right. He slid his ear down. Hold on a second. Back that up. There's rules.

Hold on. He is right. He slid his ear down. He slid his ear down. It was a foul. He slid his. Oh, because you can't mess with the guy's ear. What?

He probably moved his head down when he was in mid-swing. When I was a young slapper, one of the techniques would be get his ear and bring it down towards the chin. Oh, they have rules. Okay, let me see the rules here. Oh, one more time. Wait a minute, they're not barbarians. He's going to smack him again. Oh, my goodness.

They're also doing this in a prison by the way Oh of course they are He looks fucked up there He's spitting a tooth out Is he? Spitting something out Oh he got rocked Oh do you need a doctor?

Do you need a doctor he asked him How do you ask someone Shake hands Now he's coming in for another hit Oh god he asked him. That's okay. How do you ask someone and they shake hands. No, we're cool. Shake hands. Smelling salts. And now he's coming in for another hit. This is, oh God. This is without being stay at home. This is how bored they are. Look at the swing.

He's a big dude. Here it comes. One, two. Oh my goodness. He got him in the ear. Is that alright? Oh. What are the rules? The guy's holding on to the desk for dear life.

Is that legal? There's no rules. It's a 30-minute video. It's 30 minutes. It was strong. He punched him really good. He punched him really good. These are the people you're going to explain.

Points for successful hits. Oh, come on. Really? It said one verse two earlier. No, I just think they're just doing this points for successful hits. Oh, come on. Really? I mean, it said one versus two earlier. No, I just think they're just doing this until one guy drops. This little chubby. And I'm betting on the black guy. He's taking these so much better.

The other guy seems like he's, oh, my God. There's so much force to that. Oh, my God. This is so crazy. It was good. It was good hit. It was good. It was good hit. It was good. Smacked you in the face.

I love the trend. And they're shaking hands. I like it, bro. I like it. I like what you did to me there. Oh, look at the side of that guy's face. Look, he's sweating. He's purple.

He's sweating. He knows he's going out. Look at him gripping the table. Look at him gripping the table. Watch this. He knows it's like a truck about to hit him in the head. This is the rap right here. He ain't going to make this.

Kaboom. Wow, he's still here. He ain't gonna make this. Yee-ka-boo-yah! Wow, he's still there. He's holding on for dear life. He's still there. Barely. Thumbs up. He's fine. Yeah, it's okay. I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes. Fuck you, man. Fuck you, man. You scared the shot out of me. What? Scared the shot out? That might be a bad translation.

No, it's perfect. That's how you said it. It's three-three. That means there are three hits in each side. Oh, my goodness. They're like holding them up. So you take three shots the same place. Have you ever been slapped in the face before? Not like that. Oh, my God.

It's horrible. Oh, this keeps going for a while. How long? Oh, my God. At least 10 more minutes. This is a 30-minute video. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Someone's going out. Keep going. Scooch that up. His flight last. Yeah, that's where I was trying to get to the end. I think that was it. That's it? Yeah. Oh, my God. Someone's going out. Keep going. Scooch that up. His flight last. Yeah, that's where I was trying to get to the end. I think that was it. That's it? Yeah, I don't think anyone went out.

They gave up? Wow. It was great fight. It was great fight. And look how you slapped me. I slapped you. You slapped me. I slapped you.

We slept very good. Good Lord. Hold it. What does it say? I can't betray MMA. Oh, I'm so happy to take part in very good. Good lord. Hold it. What does it say? I can't betray MMA. Oh, I'm so happy to take part in this show. Interesting format, but I can't betray MMA. I am such a successful sportsman, and I know how to fight right.

Thank you so much for invitation. It was an honor to fight against such a legend. He is your champ. I would love to come back. So apparently- He flew in. He flew in to smack the Russian guy, and the Russian guy smacked him back. And he earned respect.

Respect. Yeah. There's so many of these videos, man. You could do this all day. You could just watch guys slap each other all day. Do they get knocked out a lot? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And when they do, it's spectacular. Put up the one that I put on my Instagram today, because that one is a dude who has his eyeballs tattooed. I was trying to see if they got money for that. They got a 150,000 ruble prize, which is- Oh, that's like $30. $2,000. I want to see. Put up the one from my Instagram today.

There's one enormous guy, and another guy looks like he might have lifted weights once in high school. Once. It's such a mismatch. Whoever sanctioned this is a real asshole because they got this kid. That's the same guy. Yeah, back it up. Oh, yeah, the same dude. Okay, just play it again because watch this guy.

He has no force. Look at this. Yeah, it's nothing It's a drive-by nothing So this guy apparently is the champ so he bitch slapped the champ they let him get the first slap And that was like so that was a little lady slap, but watch what homeboy does to him. This is horrific This is first of all look how little that guy is he's so little look at his neck I see looks so weird because he's tattoos everywhere and his eyeballs are tattooed. Oh, God. So look at his eyeballs.

Doish! Ow! Bro. That guy doesn't remember anything about childhood now. All that stuff's been erased. Oh, my God. He's like an extra sketch that you shake. You want to clear the screen?

Yeah. One more time. Watch this again. Nothing. Little slap. He slapped me. Nothing. Little slap. He slapped me. I barely noticed slap. Now watch the fucking thunderous boom.

These guys know how to do it too. That guy hit it. Yeah, he really does. He hit it with the fingers. He weighs like 500 pounds. He's enormous. He slapped him with the fingers where the other guy is going to use the palm of his hand. He's going to really catch him.

Oh, God. This kid. Boom. Oh. He's going to really catch him. Oh, God. This kid. Boom! It looks like his head came off. Yeah, it looks like he's shot. It looks like he's been shot. When his hat falls off, it's like his head just exploded. Oh, teeth are coming out.

This is, oh, good Lord. Imagine that guy. First of all, that guy looks like he's never even punched someone. The way he did it was so. Yeah, he's like a little kid. He looks like a skater kid. He's a sad guy. That's why he's got all those fucked up tattoos on his face and everything.

He's probably emotionally disturbed. Yeah. And they talked him into it. My friend, you could be greatest slap fighter of all time. You could be the one. Did you see that Street Fight video going around? Last two days Good lord

Yeah the guy No No what you should see is my friend Robin Black's Take down of it Put up Robin Black's from his Instagram Because he had some great lines in it What is it? It's these fucking two dudes who look like they're all methed out

They get in a street fight Here play it. Give me some volume on this. Robin Black one minute breakdown. Neighborhood karate. Shirtless Steve versus street Steve. Shirtless skip kick. Tap-a-tap-a blocked. Big, big, big five punch combination with a round kick chaser. And now for the street elegance. Watch this.

What the fuck? Modified spinning crescent kick to a bevy of punches including the gin fizz uppercut that stuns shirtless Steve. And now, bink. Liver damage for the win. Shirtless Steve assumed the after-school Shodekin stance versus the street Steve tournament karate special. An unfocused entry brings Steve into range for the street surge

and the acid reflux special. More knuckles plus a converse kick. Now, behold the spin. Full rotation of the body. He'll look over his shoulder, find the target, and fire off a spinning hook kick. But years of meth and inactivity will bind the hips so he'll settle for the crescent kick. Another angle? Okay.

That's two angles. Oh, years? The driving instincts are still strong in Steve. The guy gets kicked in the face. He's like, uh-oh. Pristine uppercut. And now the finisher. No, wait.

False start. Let's line this bastard up. Last call for liver delivery. Bink. That's right, friends. We're living in a world of total documentation. We've got the overhead cam, too. How crazy is that?

The street fight has two angles. Oh, my God. But I love years of meth and inactivity behind the hips. Because Robin Black, my friend who did this video, who did the narration, he does real breakdowns of actual fights. He's a martial arts expert. He knows what he's doing. Yeah.

So the fact that he does this occasionally, he does them for everything. He'll do it for bugs fighting. He does it for all kinds of shit. Oh, that's great. But he'll also do it for world class fights. He does them for Bellator. Oh my God, it's hilarious. Years of inactivity and meth will bind the hips.

I was going to ask if he did the Murder Hornet and Praying Mantis, and he did do it. Did he? He did. Oh, put it on. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. These Murder Hornets are bad news. Praying Mantises fuck up everything.

We're lucky they're little. They would kill us all. It's going to beat the Murder Hornet? Oh yeah, for sure. What? Praying Mantises beat up everything. Really? They kill rats.

In the World Championship, Kung Fu Mantis versus murder hornet look how quickly mantis will dominate by exploiting a structural truth of murder hornet's anatomical shape the connective path of hornet's head thorax and abdomen create a curve with directional limitations for movement by gripping the outer curve kung fu mantis stays beyond and behind stinging distance. Reach as he might, Murder Hornet simply cannot inject his venom into Kung Fu Mantis. But make no mistake, he's fighting for his life. His resistance can create a wave of wobbles. Free his head, but Mantis adjusts his grip, slicing with his tibial spines to regain his positional preeminence.

My friends, this is not for the faint of heart. In nature, the flesh and tissues of one feeds the body of another. Whoa. Oh my god. He's going right through the head. sentience leaves him. His instincts of self-preservation are powerful. A mighty reach with his weapon and a search for leverage or texture wherever it may exist. He's going right through the head. He's just eating his head. From the back forward. Crazy. Eyeball first. He's ate his whole head. But meanwhile

the bee's still alive. It's eating like a corn on the cob. Like an apple. Jeez. Oh my god. I don't know if I feel good that murder hornets can get schooled or that prey mantises exist. I love both things.

I love it. We need to just make more mantises and release them on these fucking pussy ass murder hornets. Yeah. Holy cow. Dude, prey mantises are goddamn terrifying. They get everything. They get everything. You ever seen them get hummingbirds?

He didn't even think for a second. He just got it. Yeah. He's like, bitch, what? Yeah. It was one move. They have so much leverage in those claws. Those weird fucking shaped things.

Those weird shaped things are just designed to hold shit so they can cut it in half. And eat its head. Bro. It eats hummingbirds? They eat hummingbirds. Holy shit. Here, watch this. So this hummingbird is like, doesn't know what that is.

It just sings, oh, I'm bigger than you and I'm just hanging out. And this thing's on the bird feeder, but I'm sure it's nothing. Nothing to worry about. And watch how it moves. Watch how quick it is. The praying mantis is just arms cocked. But the movement. Watch this.

Booyah! Oh! It got a hummingbird by its head. It doesn't give a fuck. They're so strong. Oh my god give a fuck. They're so strong. Oh, my God. Praying mantises are so strong. His back legs are just hanging on the bird feeder, and his front is eating a bird.

Yeah, and just dropped down with it. Now, here's the thing. If you had arms, like proportionate arms, like look how small the arms are. Wow. You would imagine, like, God, they can't be strong. They have to be weak. Their levers. Their levers and also their insect levers with an exoskeleton.

And they have preposterous amounts of strength relative to their size. Jeez. Like, have you ever seen ants carry things off? Yeah. Like, it's ridiculous. Yeah, it's crazy. They're so much stronger proportionately than we are. And we are so lucky.

Do you remember Starship Troopers? Look at this guy. This guy's getting involved in the action. This guy meddled. Yeah, the guy saved the hummingbird's life. Meddling. Fuck. The little points of contact for its little legs to be holding on to that.

Crazy. Plus the bird trying to fly away, and it's like, you're staying here. Yeah, it's like, no, bitch. Good lord. It's crazy. They're so strong. That is insanity.

You don't realize how strong they are until you see. We have this thing in our head Where you we see something and we think of ourselves and we think of like sighs Oh, that's probably weaker than the other thing right? That's its size figure we would compare ourselves But have you ever been around a chimpanzee? Have you ever like had a chimp touch a chimp with a baby now a news radio once we had a baby chimp, touch a chimp, like a baby. No, no. On news radio once we had a baby chimp. Uh-huh. And it had diapers.

It was like two years old. Yeah. And it was there for some scene that we wind up not even using. Uh-huh. But I played with this chimp. And so I'm holding them and it's really heavy. Yeah. For like this little thing.

But it feels like it's made out of wood. Uh-huh. Like it's so dense. Solid, yeah. And that's where I had it in my head. And then it was hitting me in the back and I was like oh my god it was playing with me but I was like this is so strong

and this is a baby, a little baby but it gives you this understanding like oh I have a distorted idea of what it is because I think it's like me but little but it's not it's a totally different kind of thing it's like the density of it's tissue it's made of monkey parts it's made. It's a totally different kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the density of its tissue.

It's made of monkey parts. It's made of preposterously strong material. Jeez Louise. And that ain't shit compared to a praying mantis. If a praying mantis was the size of a chimp, the chimp would be fucked. That's what's weird about them. We're lucky they're little. Yeah.

Do you remember Starship Troopers? Yeah. They were like giant praying mantises that killed everybody. Wait, what? Remember the bugs? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those giant bugs that came out of the ground? They basically were like a giant praying mantis or a beetle or some shit.

What were the bugs like? I don't remember what they looked like. I just remember them being giant. Yeah, look at that. Bro, it literally is a giant mantis. Yeah, he's got levers. Oh, so different kinds of bugs. Yeah, they're like beetles.

They had all kinds. This was a movie in the 90s or something, right? Yeah, 97. Yeah. Whatever happened to that dude who was the head guy? Casper Vendium. He's maybe one of the most handsome people that ever walked to face the earth. He's so perfect.

What happened to him? He's beautiful. Yeah, look at him. Oh, yeah. That's him now. What happened to him? He's beautiful. Yeah, look at him. Oh, yeah. I remember that, dude. That's him now, even now, today, at age 51. Starship Troopers 2017. There was a Starship Troopers 2017?

Look how many there are. There was Starship Troopers 3? There's a lot of them, I think. What? Come on. How is that possible? And he was in all of them. What?

Yeah. Show me a video from Starship Troopers 2017 I need to see that Is there a video? Traitor of Mars Go to videos Oh, here we go Oh boy, it's in Mars

Oh no, it's a cartoon Oh, it's fake You fake fucks Oh, is it a video game? No, I don't think so I think it's just a CGI Oh, it's just a CGI movie Oh, wow Oh, is it a video game? No, I don't think so. I think it's just a CGI. Oh, it's just a CGI movie.

Oh, wow. Oh, the whole movie. It's like the beginning of a video game. Isn't it crazy that a CGI movie now is actually cheaper than doing a movie with CGI? You can do the whole thing in CGI now? Like that. That's how they're making movies right now,

because you can't go into production oh that's gonna be the death of all actors yeah how many actors are losing their fucking minds now

they're so fragile as it is it's gotta be weird imagine if you were dating a crazy actress and she was hot but you stuck around but even though

you knew she was a mess and now now the quarantine there's no auditions she's just going crazy all her real hair colors coming out oh my god Now the quarantine. There's no auditions. She's just going crazy. All her real hair color's coming out. Oh, my God.

Hey, thanks for signing my book, Joe. I didn't sign your book, bitch. I mean, no, but you put a quote on the back. Oh, that's right, I did. And it comes out today, right? It comes out today. You just segued into book sales, didn't you? I did. I did.

It means a lot. It means a lot that you did this oh please i love you it says you're doing great yep you're doing great and other reasons to stay alive yeah you are it's just relative some people are doing well not everybody and other reasons to stay alive i had no idea how relevant it was going to be when the when i wrote it i'm in lofty company here on the book pat noswalt matt dam Damon, and Whitney Cummings. Yeah. You have some powerful friends.

All good people. Dude, this is a real long book. I know. How long did it take you to write this bitch? Year and a half. Really? Yeah, about that. How many pages? About 300.

Wow. Yeah, you're doing great and other reasons to stay alive. I had to do the audio book. I had to sneak in during quarantine. How'd you sneak in? It was like the first week, and I had to do the audio book. I had to sneak in during quarantine. How'd you sneak in? It was like the first week, and I had to drive to a secret location and go in and read the book. And I had my Apple Watch on. Did you do it illegally?

I guess technically. You had an Apple Watch on? Yes. And what happened then? It alerted me when I got there. That what? That I should be staying home. What?

Mm-hmm. Cut the shit. Uh-huh. What? Cut the shit. What did it say? It said, reminder, stay at home order. Everybody stay at home. So your watch is kind of ratting you out. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Time to switch to Samsung. I know. As soon as I got there, because I felt weird going anyway, but I had to get the audio book done. It was just going to be me and the producer with a mask on. And I got to the spot, and I was driving, and it was like the first couple of days, so it was really quiet out there. There was nobody.

And I'm just cruising along, park in the parking lot, go into the thing, and bling, on my watch. Reminder, stay at home order. If you were in your car, Tesla would have argued with it. Shut up, pussy. We're trying to make America great. We challenge you. You're infringing on my civil liberties. Let me out.

I don't like that. But it was weird because I was reading the book. You have to read your whole book in like two days. Sorry to go back. And there were parts of the book that were like so on point of what's going on. Like I talk about this thing about animals coming to attack us. I always run into animals that are

attacking me. And then I get the whole last part is, I don't want to start talking about germs. E. coli, Ebola, all these germs we haven't heard of yet coming for us that we don't have antibiotics for. Stuff like that. Wow.

I do this whole run on cruise ships. You're never going to get me on one of those cruise ships. They're filled with disease. And I'm reading the book in pandemic. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tim Dillon was here a couple weeks ago and had an epic rant on cruise ships.

Oh, really? We found out while he was here that it costs $25 a week to be on one of those cruise ships. What does that mean? It costs $25 a week. For someone to be on? Isn't that what it was?

It was like $100 for a four-day cruise. It was like $25 a day. Normally it's like $1,000 or $2,000 or something crazy. That's right. It was like $100. It was more than a four-day cruise. It was like $100 for a four-day cruise. It was like $25 a day. Normally it was like $1,000 or $2,000 or something crazy. That's right. It was like $100. It was more than a four-day cruise. It was like five to seven. It's like Mexico or wherever it was.

So, okay, we broke it down to how many dollars it was a day. Right. So it was like... I'm confused, though. Less than... It was less than $20 a day, right? What the cost of what you do? To be on a cruise ship.

It's better than being homeless. We're like how many homeless people just go on a cruise ship because it's all you can eat. You could really get fat. You could go crazy and get fat. Apparently, I bet, if I had to guess I've never been on a cruise ship but I think that

the way they make their money is the booze, right? Yeah, I'm sure. So they truck you into going Oh, you have to pay for the ship, but I think that the way they make their money is the booze, right? Yeah, I'm sure. So they trick you into going. Oh, you have to pay for the booze. I think so. I don't think they can give you free booze. I don't know.

You probably get like one drink for free. Right, like a drink ticket. Yeah. And then you're just on. Once you start going on a bender, you just rack up that credit card. Oh, my God. They're disgusting without a pandemic. There's no way.

I've never been on one. I've never had a desire to be on one. My kids wanted to go on one. There's a Disney cruise. I'm like, fuck off. I know. You don't know shit. You're six.

We're not going on a goddamn Disney cruise. I'm like, I go to Disneyland, and you can leave when you want. You go on a cruise, and you're stuck in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of wackos. Did you ever hear that comedian that came on the boat after the last entertainer molested somebody, sexually assaulted someone up on deck so they wouldn't let the performers up on deck? What? An entertainer, some other comic or somebody got a little handsy. It was lockdown. So this guy shows up. I forget who it was.

A comedian shows up on the boat and he's told, you can't go above deck. You've got to stay down in the quarters with the crew. So he has to stay in his room, in his quarters. And his room opened up and the stage door was across the hallway. So he was just sitting down there for days then they came knocked on the door time to perform he walks out onto stage in front of a thousand people good night everybody it's over he goes back into his hole like a hamster like like a rodeo oh my god what comic was that i forget who it was oh Oh, my God. That's awful. Oh, so brutal. I would never, ever, ever couldn't do it. The only person I know who enjoys those is Alonzo. But Alonzo Bowden does jazz cruises.

Yes, I know. It's different. It's totally. And he hangs out with the musicians. He loves jazz. He loves it. So for him, it's like if you went on a baking cruise. If you went on a bread cruise. It's all just the best bread makers in the world.

I would do that. Would you? I probably would. How many great bread makers are there? Could you fill up a cruise ship? You couldn't, but you could fill it up with the people who want to learn. You definitely could do that. Right.

So it could be like baking lessons and then just the bakers. Yeah. baking lessons and and and then just the bakers yeah my instagram my social media has just been bread tutorials since the pandemic really a hundred all my whole feed is people because i just before it happened i this is a plug for my youtube i put all my videos on youtube showing people how to bake bread because from doing doing this show, everybody was like, considers me this bread maker. You're the bread guy. Yeah. So I put up this,

I just put up these tutorials of how to make it. And then the pandemic hit and people couldn't get yeast. So they just started flooding to my YouTube and sending pictures. Now, every day I get pictures. Thanks, Tom. Here's my first effort. People like one-on-one, like,

why do you come out flat? And I feel like I should answer them. So I changed my whole podcast. My whole podcast now is Breaking Bread with Tom. I talked to you about this. Yeah, yeah. You got to come on it. I would love to.

I used Segura was the first one. Was he? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. And it just went up. So are you filming at the All Things Comedy place? We're going to. Where are you filming it now?

Well, right now, Tom and I did it remotely. We had cameras on both of us. That's horseshit. You need to get together. I know. Who's the pussy? I did Alonzo. Who scared the germs?

Tom. I think it was a scheduling thing. Yeah. Maybe it's Tom. I would have done it. I had just gotten tested by you. Yes, thank God. Yeah.

And Alonzo had also. So Alonzo and I did one. That's going to come out next week. And I'm just going to create a set. You know, remember Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live, the You Look Marvelous guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just in that Italian booth at Musso and Frank's? Oh, yeah.

That's going to be my set. Musso and Frank's. Oh, yeah. That's going to be my set. Musso and Frank's? Because it's breaking bread. It's just sitting, like an old Italian restaurant. Yeah, red vinyl. And we sit with food and wine. Yeah, look at that. You look marvelous.

I think I'm going to do it like that. I forgot how fun that was, that you look marvelous thing. It was so good. That was like when I was a child. Yes, we were kids. When was that? Howard Cosellon. In like when I was a child. Yes, we were kids. Remember when we had Howard Cosell on? In the 80s? 81 maybe? Oh, wow. Was it

really? I think so. He had Howard Cosell as like a great one. I just love that set. I love that 85. So that's the year I graduated high school. Oh, yeah. 17 years old. Yeah, yeah. Little baby.

You look marvelous. Billy Crystal. He was a handsome little fellow when he was young, wasn't he? He was. Look at that face. He really was. Remember that movie he did about the really depressing comedian? Mr. Saturday Night?

Oh, Mr. Saturday Night, yes. I hated it. I remember I went to see it. I was on the road. Uh-huh. And I went to see it during the daytime before the show by myself. Uh-huh. And I remember leaving going, this is not how comedians are. Yeah.

Like, what the fuck are you hanging out with, Billy? Jesus Christ. Most of my friends are comedians. Like, this is the thing. That was the movie. Yeah. There's a thing about comedians that people always want to think that we're depressed and angry in real life.

Yes. That's not true. Very dark people. But isn't that a weird stereotype? It is weird. Think about all the people that we know. Yeah. Think about like Segura and Alonzo.

Okay, you and I, if we were talking with no camera, we would talk just like this. No different. We would be talking shit. We would be laughing. Absolutely no different. We're not brooding. I'm not a brooding guy. No.

And I know there are a few, but I think they're the minority. I think so too. I'm thinking about the guys that I hang with in New York, like Colin and Norton and Robert Kelly and those guys. And they're a little darker, but I would say what people think is that everyone's brooding and dark. But I mean, they're the most joyful people and I hang with them. It's nothing but laughs. And they're complicated though. Yeah, well, Norton's very complicated. Comedians are complicated, right they're busy heads well norton is complicated and norton also spent a long time on the opie and anthony show yeah which was the whole thing about that show was being a wreck that was the hook it was talking shit it was it was a shit talking fest i mean yeah people said the most preposterous things just to get a reaction yeah you know and

then like there's something about those days where you know especially like the early 2000s and the late 90s i guess people said the most awful things to make other comics laugh and if you took that stuff out of context yeah that's a gross thing that people do, that little gotcha thing where people like to take things that someone said on one of those shows out of context. I'm sure Norton has said a bunch of horrific things that he wished he never said, but he said them so that when you or I or Patrice or Bill Burr or whoever the fuck, or Anthony, we would all be laughing.

But it's not because he means it. or whoever the fuck, or Anthony, we would all be laughing. But it's not because he means it. No. There's a real grossness to that sort of going after people for old, ridiculous things they said on radio shows. Especially comedians. Yeah. Especially that kind of culture, like you're saying.

Yeah. The whole thing was, it was like a roast every night. Like a classic roast. Exactly. Every night. Yeah. Which is, these are the hardest these are the funniest people on the planet the only thing that's going to make them laugh is surprise and the only way to surprise them is to say something no one would say exactly no one you

gotta go super hard yeah yeah to surprise patrice o'neill with something comedically yeah you gotta reach deep you want to shock norton? Yeah, right, exactly. Good lord. And the other offensive part of that gotcha kind of thing, which I don't think these guys have had to – I don't think they've come after them so much. But anyway, I think when you hung with them, when you were there, it was love. It was just pure love.

These guys cared about each other so deeply and would say the most horrible, you would say something to Rich Voss that was like, what are you doing? He was the guy that was always the nail. Some people were the hammer. Voss was almost always the nail.

But he relished it. Because he's, I mean, talk about a naturally funny human being he is so quick so quick so naturally funny and also takes a joke as good as anybody that's ever lived takes it right on the chin like those slap fighting guys and i don't know friends that loved each other more than no norton to vos to colin to robert no that was a special time the opening of three days it was really Yeah. It definitely dipped into stuff. Like if you just rolled into that show out of context in your car when it was on terrestrial radio, I'm sure it must have spun people's heads around.

Well, some people came in as guests and didn't understand it. And I was there for a few of those. And it was horrendous for them. I remember watching these sort of sitcom-y actors who didn't know it was coming, and they would sit them up. On their press tour. Especially once they had gotten over to SiriusXM,

and it was just like fucking no-holes barred, language, everything. And then there were people that would come on who were surprisingly cool, like Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer would come on who were surprisingly cool like Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer would come on

yes so cool roll with the punches kind of guys I'm really good friends with Dr. Phil's son oh yeah Dr. Phil is great

oh yeah I would have never imagined he is the easiest going nicest guy I had him on the podcast he's fucking great yeah that's the vibe he's great

I was on the show with him like in the later years and uh yeah he seemed like a very cool guy he's a lot of fun what did he catch with the with the beginning of the corona stuff there was a lot of they were saying that he was he was one of the guys that they were saying isn't a scientist and he had made some comments what did he say say? I don't know. He said something. Maybe he was about that on the side of this isn't a, we shouldn't be overreacting, I think is the gist of it. Well, he's a psychologist, right? Yeah, which is probably the mental health maybe of what the lockdown would cause, something like that.

I think if you want to look at things from a psychologist's perspective, I want to talk to a psychologist about the mindset of people that panic in pandemics. Because this is, I mean, when it comes to pandemics, this is a fairly mild one. I mean, I hate to say that to anybody that lost loved ones or anybody that's currently sick. It's not to be insensitive about that. But the reality of the past, when you look at the Black Plague or the Spanish flu or any of the horrendous ones that people went through before, this one's fairly mild in comparison. If unchecked, would this be as dangerous as the Spanish flu? No. Look at the number of people that are asymptomatic.

Right. This is unchecked. Like 78% of the people of people that are asymptomatic. Right. This is unchecked. Like 78% of the people that contact us are asymptomatic. That's one of the shocking stats that I see on Katie Couric's Instagram. She puts just this fact sheet up every day. And it's really just useful, like just numbers, you know. The shocking number is the number of people who beat it. Yeah.

Who had it, were hospitalized, and are fine. Or not even hospitalized. It's a huge number. I have eight friends that got it. The only one that was hospitalized is Michael Yeo. Right. Michael Yeo got it pretty bad. Right. But I think he beat himself up.

I think his body was beaten down. And I think it's a wake-up call to us. One of the things that I'm noticing from not traveling is I feel so much better. Dude, I can't tell you. I've been thinking, like, I can't believe what I was doing for the last 20 years. I can't. No. Hardcore, up at 4 a.m., on the plane, flying in, connecting, getting on stage,

pounding out two hours of material, get up four o'clock the next day next city boom boom for 20 years yep doing radio can't i'm starting to think about i used to ride a motorcycle and when you're in it and riding the bike all the time it makes perfect sense it's safe it seems like you're manageable you stay off that bike for two years you're like i'm never getting on a bike again that That's the most insane. What the fuck was wrong with me? What was wrong with me? I'm starting to think that with travel for stand-up.

I'm like, was I insane? Yeah. I mean, I will go back to it. I'm kind of thinking it a little, too. I've actually talked to a couple of my friends about this. I might do a residency in LA. Wow. Smart. Like get a theater.

Yeah. Get a theater, like a 500-seat theater, and just bang out weekends there. Wow. Smart. Like get a theater. Yeah. Get a theater, like a 500 seat theater and just bang out weekends there. Yeah. That's a good idea. It's a really good idea. I mean, Seinfeld did that at the Beacon. Yeah. He would just do like two weekends a month.

Yeah. You can do it. Yeah, you can. Yeah. You can do it. Oh, please. With the amount of people that live in this area? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And people fly in. Look, please, with the amount of people that live in this area? Yeah, and people fly in.

Look, we get that at the comedy store all the time. I've run into people all the time at the comedy store. Wow, we flew in from Australia. We flew in from Ireland. People, they fly in from all over the world because they know that the comedy store is there. And you can go there on a Tuesday night and see some insane lineup. Insane. And this is, I mean, that's the one thing about our economy locally that's really devastating is tourists.

I didn't realize how, I always think just show business here. It's tourism. The people that come here every single, millions of people every year. I know, then you could have a residency you don't have to bang. And I'm also thinking, tour a little

more, I mean, I'm talking out of my ass because when people call and give me an offer, I go. But I think like if I could tour like a band and be like, I'm going out in the fall. I'm going September through Thanksgiving. That's my tour. And then I'm home. Have you ramped up touring over the last few years at all? Yes.

Yeah. When did you start ramping it up? I would say the last five years. The last five years. When I started selling bigger places and starting to do theaters. Started getting that cheddar, baby. Yeah, it was like you fight your whole life to be able to play a theater. And then once that started happening, I was just, yeah.

I remember the first time I ever sold out a theater. It was the craziest feeling ever. I remember pulling into the parking lot. This is not even a comedy club. this is a theater like there's bands come here it's a real right yeah you see the people on the walls yeah and then you see all these people that don't work with comedy clubs like you know the security people and the sound guy and like hey what's up man how you doing dan joe nice to meet you blah blah uh do you need anything nope nope just a stool? Yeah.

You know? I know. Okay, cool. They're so happy. They're so used to people coming in with real demands. Yeah. And you're used to being treated like shit for years. You're just like-

And they're all there to see you. Yeah. You know? It's weird. It's special. It makes it a show. It makes it feel like a real show. Yeah.

It feels the most surreal arenas. That's the most surreal. Yeah, I can't imagine. You should come with me to one. I would love to. If we ever get allowed to do it again. Oh, I'm sure we could do one in Florida this weekend if we wanted to. Well, you can in Kansas City.

You can? Yeah, Missouri's allowing concerts. Concerts? Right now. Really? Let's go! And are they going? Are people buying tickets?

I have no idea. But apparently Missouri just passed a thing. I saw it through a trusted source, but apparently Missouri just passed a thing. I saw it on, I saw it through a trusted source, Lil Duvall's Instagram page. That's a trusted source for sure. But yeah, it said that Missouri's allowing concerts.

Yeah. I mean, it's all gonna come back. It is going to come back. Hopefully. But you gotta wonder how many people like you or I who are looking at our life now going, okay, well, what am I doing? Am I going to keep doing this and beat myself up? Because I just did it Saturday, right?

I flew to Florida Saturday and then I flew back home first flight Sunday morning. So I was back home at like 10 a.m. on Sunday. But then I got an IV bag. I got a vitamin bag of IV. And I got another COVID test. I said, just give me a test. I know everyone was tested at the UFC. They were very stringent with the testing. You have to have a wristband to get there.

I go, but just fucking hit me with another test. It's not that bad. But I was thinking before the IV bag, because the IV bag made me feel pretty good. I was like, what am I doing? Am I going to keep doing this? Why am I going to keep doing this?

Yeah. Well, because we love performing and people want to see you and it's what we do. Fly to LA, bitch. I'm going to be at a theater. I know. I know. I still do some. I'll still do a bunch.

I'm still going to go. I know I'm going to go, but I don't know. And the only reason I hesitate is because my kids are a little older. And, I mean, I didn't have the freedom to do it early when they were little. I'm saying, like, I should have stayed home when they were little. But that's when I was coming up and, you know, had to go. And I do love it. I have to say, when you're in the rhythm of – it's only – again, it's the motorcycle.

It's the distance of it that makes it seem crazy. When I was in the rhythm of it, it's only, again, it's the motorcycle. It's the distance of it that makes it seem crazy. When I was in the middle of it, it was just what I did. Maybe you could do it Ron White style if you had your own Tom Papa jet. You say what he does? He's got his own jet. Ron White's got a jet. There was that great scene, I think I've mentioned this on the show, when the Ray Charles movie with Jamie Foxx.

I didn't see that. Maybe I did and I forgot. And when he redoes his didn't i forgot and when he redoes his contract he puts a jet in it as part of the contract because something about he the phrasing was somewhat conveying that because the travel's gonna kill you that's the thing that kills you yeah was it is the travel on your own jet gonna kill you less oh yeah oh yeah ask ron you're cutting down days when i would tour with seinfeld he would i would be home after doing a gig in atlanta i would be home in new york earlier than the guys doing sets at the cellar and coming home because you'd fly that night fly

that night right you're home you're home you know in your own. Fly that night. Right. You're home. You're home. Sleeping in your own bed. Yes. It's a home. Now you're not staying in the hotel. You're not having shitty sleep. You're not going.

Yes. Of course you're going to live longer. Right. But, you know. But if you're going to the East Coast. It's so fun to go, though. It's so great. I love it. I do.

I'm in my yard, and there's not that many planes going to Burbank now. Almost none. Almost none. It's like several a day kind of thing. And they like a little burst at night and a little. But when I hear them and I look up and I see the bottom of Alaska air, it looks like a whale's belly. I'm like, oh, where are they going? You going to go tell jokes? I'll be with you guys soon how the airline survived this how are they gonna make it well they got a lot of dough I don't know how you yeah they did how much do they have

I don't know they got a the government helped them oh but I don't know the government getting that money I just make it well why didn't they make it to fix the fucking impoverished neighborhoods? Why didn't they fix all that? They're not important. They've been in quarantine. That's not... We're talking about... Poor people? No.

I don't know how you get back to operating an airline. An airport. How do we get back to- Six feet apart at TSA. How is that going to happen? The line's going to be up to San Francisco. It's going to be insane.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I didn't even think of that. Yeah. Like, when they're at full capacity. How do you get through security? When is it going to happen? Are you going to have to go six hours before your flight to get through?

When can it happen? I don't know. That part. When can you do that again? Like that. Either vaccine or it ravaged the population. Future air travel. Four hour process.

Self check in. Disinfection. Immunity passes. Oh, fuck off. Look at those outfits. Four hour process. Four hour process. What?

Come on. Four hours? Once airports borders open again, people are able to fly freely, a process already in play as airports of all sizes around the world ready strategies to ensure healthy air travel. How much are you ready to change your flying habits? Oh, my God. It's going to be terrible.

It could get a little bit less because this also then says this might cause less people to then fly, which brings the lines down a little bit. Right, but that's going to fuck everybody up

because there's going to be less flights available. Oh yeah, there already are. Oh yeah, right now, but this is in the middle of the quarantine.

Once the quarantine's lifted, when can you fly to Bozeman, Montana? You know what I mean? Yeah, no, exactly. It's going to be,

you know, travel's going to be be someone um my sister sent me an article of some guy was like had to take a flight for work and everyone was saying oh i'm so jealous you're getting to fly for work and it's gonna be empty and it's gonna be great and he said it was horrible because people were tense and nervous on flights before yeah and like putting their things in the overhead and, you know, trying to get ahead of you in line. Now people's nerves are so, it was like they didn't want to be near other people. Everyone saw everyone else as like a contagion. And it was just like, get away from me. And it was like very, the nervous synergy of the experience was a real drag for me.

My friend Lex, he flew from Boston to do the show. He was the only person on the plane. It was a private plane just for him. Whole plane. He had a mask on. One guy. He said the stewardesses didn't even talk to him. Right.

There was no water, no nothing. You don't get shit. They don't even make contact with you. They stay the fuck away from you. Now listen, if it means that fewer people are going to be flying and we can go back to flying like it's in the 80s, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Yeah, but if you want to travel to places, you have to have a viable – the airline has to have a reason to schedule a flight. They have to be people traveling. But don't you think it was a little maxed out before things got like every flight. When I started my career, there were empty seats on planes.

It wasn't a mad rush of humanity. Are you prepared to pay more for plane tickets? Yes. I used to have a joke in my act because of the crowd and stuff. And people say the airlines are expensive. People say it's too expensive to fly. I say not expensive enough. Let's keep it to business travel.

The family of six, they vacation locally. Tom Bob, it's time to ramp up. I hope you're doing great. Sells a lot and you can get one of them Ron White jets. Oh, man, I hope so. Tell you what, that's how I travel, son. Yeah. He's got fucking smoking cigars, drinking tequila, just flying around.

Flying around. Yeah. Getting on a bus, doing it. When I flew with Chappelle, he smokes on planes. Smokes cigarettes. Of course. And I'm like, this is outrageous. He doesn't even ask if the people around him are okay with it.

He just sparks up. It's like his thing. Well, you can smoke on a private jet, I guess. I guess. I guess. You must have to have some sort of an agreement with the pilots. Yeah, that can't be. Because you're in a fucking tube flying around.

It's like, that air is going to get to everybody. There's only one guy that can do that. How much filtration is in that airplane? Yeah. Well, that's what they keep putting out reports. I keep getting notes from the airlines. Do you get those in your email? I don't read them.

The little videos and stuff from the owner of United. Hi, we're in a mask. Yeah, we're all disinfecting, and all our air is 98% fresh, and all this kind of stuff. What are you, rotten tomatoes? Yeah. Their air is only 30%. Yeah, but no, it's going to be,

I do feel like it's recalibrating how you look at everything, but once it all gets opened up, and you have an opportunity to go to all these places, you probably go back to what we were doing. When I was in Florida, I was walking down the hallway in my hotel, and some guy in his room was coughing. Yeah. And I fucking panicked. I panicked.

Yeah. I was like, oh, no, I walked faster. Quickly, get through the hallway. I remember thinking, like, wow, is this how I'm going to be from now on? I hear a cough and I'm going to freak out. I know. Something that didn't mean jack shit. I know.

Three months ago. Now I was like, is she coughing? And it's going through the vent and it's coming into my room. Little particles are in the air. My last gig was in Pennsylvania. And it was the Keswick Theater just north of Philadelphia and it was all just starting, it was like March 7th

so it was all starting to really stop and I get on the flight and I'm like wondering like is this going to be my last gig for a while and I was really kind of bummed out about it and then Paula Poundstone came on the plane.

And I know Paula from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. And she's just great, you know. And she comes on and she's just like, we're fucked. I go, really? You think so? Oh, yeah. And then she goes to sit in the back and she has an asthmatic condition. Oh, no.

The whole flight, she's just coughing in the back. Like a violent, heavy cough at periods. And she comes up to go to the bathroom at some point. She's like, I'm real popular today. She was just freaking the entire plane out. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God.

I know. Oh, my God. She's so damn funny. Has she ever been on? No. She's got asthma? Yeah Has she ever been on? No. She's got asthma? Yeah, she has some asthma thing, yeah. That would make it really terrifying.

Yeah, she can get it. Right. Right. That kind of thing. I know. I know. God, is she funny, though. She was so dry and just a road warrior. Talk about travel.

Whew. She just pounded out. Talk about travel. Whew. She just pounded out for years. Years. She was really popular at one point, Tom. Mm-hmm. What happened? Really popular. She had a drinking thing.

She had a little kerfuffle. She had some thing with people said stuff about her as a mom and stuff, and it was all cleared up and it took a little bit of a hit and then she came back then she just went on the road and just kept going and she was you know cleared of everything there was no problems and she just took every gig she could take and just played it played it played it and she's been on wait wait don't tell me for 30 years straight and she's just what is wait wait don't tell me that's the straight. And she's just. What is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me? It's a podcast? That's the NPR show.

It's Peter Sagal. And it's like a news quiz. And it's just they have three comedians on. I do it with Alonzo a lot. It's a podcast though, right? No, it's an NPR radio show and a podcast. But it was a radio show first. And then it runs as a podcast.

And it's all current events. It's all stuff that's happening in the week. And Paula is known as just her crowd work is like her real. She's so in the moment, off the cuff, brilliant. Probably one of the best of all time. And so in that format for the show, she's just a killer. So she did that for 30 years and it came and she's still, her audience is a little older, but she's super. She sells out all these places.

You know, she does not have to do radio for tickets. You know, she has a real, real strong base. Yeah. There's so many people that made a living on the road and kind of counted on it. So like their bills every month were kind of high, you know, and now they're in this situation where they're like, holy shit, like when can I work? Yeah, no kidding. No kidding.

I mean, that's the thing, like in entertainment, even when there were recessions, entertainment always did okay. Right. Not this one. There was a thing in The Sopranos where one of the characters says, you know, in a recession, entertainment and our thing were okay. And our thing. And they're recession-proof, but this one, live performance, holy shit. Well, Live Nation almost went under.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, Live Nation got a giant chunk bought out by the Saudi empire. Uh-huh. Did you hear about that? Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean?

Everybody was like, what the fuck? They bought a sizable chunk of Live Nation. Oh. You know, because it's an open, it's a public company. Right. So they were hurting. Oh. See, you can find that article.

So they bought, so now they control part of it. Saudi Arabia purchases $500 million stake in Live Nation. converting but see you can find that article so they bought so now they controlled saudi arabia purchases 500 million dollar stake in live nation because that 500 million was probably worth a couple billion before this oh i don't know is that what that means i mean what is it worth now i mean this is what's i mean they're really taking a chance 5.7 percent stake in live... Wow, how much does live nation worth? Yeah, billions. 5.7%? 500 million gets you 5%. Right. Saudi public investment fund disclosed

the stake, compromising 12,337,569 shares in a filing with the Security Exchange Commission on Monday. They're taking a big chance too, though, because when is that going to be happening again? In Missouri this weekend.

Just Missouri, though. Maybe Texas. Yeah. You know? It'll come back. I mean, it'll be back, but can you sustain the downside of it long enough? Wait a minute. Hold on a second.

The plan dictated... What is this? It's the Missouri thing. Okay. Missouri Governor Mike Parson unveiled a state reopening plan April 27th and included a note that live concerts can resume starting Monday, May 4th. Woo! Billboard reports Missouri is the first state in the U.S. to reopen live events amid the coronavirus pandemic.

The plan dictates that seating shall be spaced out according to social distancing requirements, which is a bullshit, nonsensical requirement. You're all stuck together in a room screaming. And the concert goers must remain at least six feet apart. Well, that won't happen when people are peeing. The mayors of Missouri major cities, St. Louis, Springfield, and Kansas City, have revealed that live concerts and large gatherings will not return as the city's stay-at-home orders will remain intact. The mayor is overriding the governor?

Yes. It says we will continue to be guided by data, not dates. St. Louis Mayor Lita Crewson. Someone sounds like a liberal. So now we can't do concerts in St. Louis either. Yeah, so it looks like it's not going to happen in St. Louis. It'll be a bit. Maybe Kansas City. Maybe they'll let you go there. Yeah. Somewhere. Someone's going to in St. Louis either. Yeah, so it looks like it's not going to happen in St. Louis. It'll be a bit. Maybe Kansas City.

Maybe they'll let you go there. Yeah. Somewhere. Someone's going to do it. Yeah. Who's going to be the first concert? The idea of staying six feet apart, like how many seats do you have to give up? Like we're about six feet apart.

How many seats is between you and me? Three? Maybe three. One, two, three. Yeah, four. Four? So you'd have to give up four seats

so you'd have one quarter if you're lucky yeah fuck that yeah that's so crazy yeah everyone else

the economics of that doesn't really work what if you're on a date ooh yeah can you if you take your lady friend can they sit next to each other stay at home

what you do that trick with the popcorn well here's the other thing what about you cut the hole in the bottom of the popcorn put your junk in it then she goes with the popcorn. Well, here's the other thing. What about the people behind you? You cut the hole in the bottom of the popcorn, put your junk in it, then she goes for the popcorn.

The diner Mickey Rourke scene. What about the people behind you? Where the fuck are they going to go? We're going to have to stagger people? They're not right behind you. They're over here behind you. Oh, fuck off. Because then they're going to be too close to the people that are close to you.

Yeah. That won't work. Broadway just said they're not opening until Labor Day. Well, thank God I don't like Broadway. And their audience is all 65 plus. Yeah, those are people that really should be terrified. Even when they open. When did they say they were going to open?

Labor Day. Labor Day. September. Whoa. Yeah. Originally said June. Now it's Labor Day. I don't buy that. Labor Day? I'm supposed to do Madison Square Garden October 3rd. Whoa. Yeah. Originally said June. Now it's Labor Day. I don't buy that.

Labor Day? I'm supposed to do Madison Square Garden October 3rd. Ooh. Hmm. Yeah. New York City Marathon. How's that going to happen? I don't know.

How's that going to happen? Isn't it amazing how the months seem so close now? Oh, yeah. When you're doing the math of, like, will I be able to go out? We're sitting here in May, and all of a sudden October looks like it's next week. Well, November 1st, I'm at the forum, the Great Western Forum out here. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Oh, would that be sweet? When I think about the dates. I don't even know if I could do that. Imagine if you were, though. Imagine if you make it. Imagine if something happens between now and then where you're able to go do the garden. Wouldn't that be great? Weekend shows at the Houston Improv.

Brian Callen's already there. Thursday, May 28th. They have a show booked right now. What? Yeah. Well, my shows are still on sale in San Francisco right now. Look at this motherfucker. Alan Adams steps in Saturday, May 16th.

I salute you, Alan, and your wonderful mustache. All the Texas Improvs, it looks like, are doing stuff this week. Good for them. Different rules everywhere. Fucking yeah. Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't, you know, if everyone acts cool and if they do some precautions, clean the place. You think they'll have it packed?

And it's going to be young people. No, it'll be half the, say it seats 400, maybe they'll have 150. I don't know if that's what they're doing there, though. They might just be sitting down. I don't think so. Texas is buck wild, bro. You can bring a gun. I like that Callan's going.

Hey, I might move to Texas. Callan and I and Shab have actually talked about this. Getting a ranch together? Well, here's the thing. If California continues to be this restrictive, I don't know if this is a good place to live. First of all, it's extremely expensive. The taxes here are ridiculous. Yeah.

And if they really say that we can't do stand-up until 2022 or some shit like that, I might jet. Yeah. I'm not kidding. Yeah? I'm not kidding. This is silly. I don't need to be here. The only reason why I'm here is that I'm close to people like you.

A lot of my friends live here. The store is here. But if they won't let us do the store, but we could do stand-up other places, why would we stay here? Where in Texas, though? I don't know, man. Austin. I like Austin a lot. I like Dallas a lot.

I like Houston, but I don't know if I would live in Houston. I would definitely live in- It's very humid there. Yeah. The summer's a motherfucker. God, brutal. Dallas is great. I'm trying to read through this. I think they're starting with 25% of listed occupancy. Where? At the Improv? Yeah, they're going to do it smart. Is that what it says?

It says they're not doing it to make money. They're doing it for the audiences. It says it's not a money-making opportunity. Tell that to Brian Callen, Brennan Chobb. We're going to demand their money. The other thing is they make most of their money off of alcohol. And if people have to wear masks, how does that work? Should we call Callen right now?

Everyone's got a sippy straw? Let's call Callen right now. Get an update. Yeah, find out what's going on since he's the one who's actually doing it. It says operating at 25% will not be a money-making exercise, nor will be 50% when that point is reached. So they're not there yet. I've got to – I'm supposed to do Portland.

What's up, bud? Hey, buddy, you're on the air, so don't say anything crazy. Okay. When are you doing the improv in Houston? I'm doing the improv in Houston, me and Brennan Schaub. You're a savage. I want Brennan to come with me the 29th, the 30th, and the 31st. How many people are allowed to be in the audience?

I think it's 200 so far. Whoa. That's because that's all they could sell? How many? 200 people in the crowd. What is the normal capacity? Yeah, I believe that's the number could sell? How many? 200 people in the crowd. What is the normal capacity? Yeah, I believe that's the number. That's Texas.

Now, I just read in the New York Times, I mean, I'm sorry, Brendan Chubb has called me and said that the shutdown in Los Angeles is being considered till July. Yes. Yeah, that's what he said. So normally the Houston Improv seats 450 people, it says. Yeah. So they'll allow 200 people?

Is that what it is? That's correct. Right. Wow. Yeah, LA is July. How crazy is that? Well, how do we fight that? I mean, well, who is deciding that?

Some health official based on what data? Right. And what's going to be different in July? Nothing's going to be different in July. Well, nothing's going to be different, but also, is this about getting absentee voting in for those seats in Congress? What's going on? I don't understand.

What? Why would you think it would be about that? I talked to a Republican strategist. There's an article about homelessness, and I wanted to speak to the scholar and the person who knows the person is a Republican strategist. I'll find out the information. She was correlating it to that. Now, maybe because she's a Republican strategist. I don't have any evidence on this.

But absentee ballots in this state, I guess, favor the Democrats, the incumbent Democrats, for a number of reasons. I'm not an expert on this, but that's what I heard, and I'm wondering if there's anything to that. That doesn't make any sense because this state is basically blue anyway. It is, yeah. That seems like a ridiculous thing to sink the economy for something you already have winning. But I thought there were two seats in Congress that were up for grabs. God, it can't be that. It can't be that.

I don't know. They can't blow up the whole economy just for that. I think it's probably more of a liability thing. They're worried about if they make a decision and somehow it gets connected to a larger amount of deaths. You know, because these people get paid while this is all going on. They are not the people that own the small businesses. They're not- Oh, I know.

Oh, I know. No, I'm a lawyer. This is what happens when politicians are protecting and doing this for our, quote-unquote, our own good. Yeah. Can Brian hear me? I don't have any... You know, we live in this country now

where my government doesn't represent me. I have no recourse here. Where are we moving? Where are we moving? You want to go to Texas? Like Texas, I got to sit here like a cow chewing grass while Gavin Newsom has decided for my own good to shut down the entire state and the economy.

And I'm sorry to say this also, but, you know, from what I have read, and again, I may be wrong, but this is primarily a disease that is fatal to the mean average, I think, is 80 or is it 81? Yes. We actually talked about it on the podcast that the average age that people die from this disease is older than the average age people die. Okay, so we've shut down everything. Instead of having a targeted quarantine or a smarter way to do this,

I just have to do like a cow chewing grass. I have to listen to whatever my politician tells me. I thought it was May 15th. Now it's July. Yeah, no, I agree with you. I agree with you in that way. I think it's LA County is actually July. The governor still has May 15th and that they're moving forward with stages. So the next stage will be gyms, and they're going to have certain disinfection salons, things like that. They're going to have to have certain rules in place, hand sanitizer, things along those lines. I'm just still so confused by this. I think they should quarantine people that are higher at risk and quarantine people if they choose to be quarantined because they're still scared of it that's what i think can you ask if i can open for freedom and that would be

called personal responsibility and all that stuff we're not dealing with that i don't know what eric garcetti is doing or i i i just don't get it yeah i don't understand the logic i don't get it either but tom papa wants to open for you he's here right now he wants to open for you in may tom you're you're you're i'll throw you up. He wants to open for you in May. Tom, I'll throw you up for 10 minutes. We'll get you moving around and see how you do. Thanks. Obviously, you've got to take my workshop first,

but we'll go from there. It's not comedy. It's mostly physical. We get you stretching. We get you moving around in a circle. I'll call you after I'm out of here. I love you, buddy. Love you too, pal. Bye. Wow. So there you go.

So there's basically a little bit less than half capacity. I have an offer to go do it in two weeks and then- May? May. Houston? Improv? Which one? Salt Lake City.

Oh, wise guys. Love it there. I know. Love those guys. Take it. How many people in the audience? 150. Fill it up and let's test that immunity.

Come on, pussies. I love Salt Lake, too. My Portland show is like two weeks after that. I would live in Utah. I like Utah. Utah's a great state. Beautiful state. People are scared of Mormons, so nobody moves there.

Yeah, it's truly true. They're all scared. Like, oh my God, you go there, you have to join the cult. Oh, they're so nice. The whole city's so clean. They're the best cult members in the world. Oh, I love it. But a lot of people are not cult members that live in Utah.

There's a lot of non-Mormons that live there, and they're the nicest folks. So nice. And it's, I think, the most beautiful state. It's so diverse. It's a very beautiful state. God, it's gorgeous. The mountains and the canyon lands. Preach! Preach, Tom Papa. Oh, I's gorgeous. The mountains and the canyon lands. Preach.

Preach, Tom Papa. Oh, I love it. Could you live there? Could you live there? I could live anywhere. Anywhere. Well, Wise Guys is a great club to work out of, too. If you needed a local club to practice, you could do Wise Guys.

It's a good spot. It's the most underrated club in the country, I think. Yeah. No, it's great. It's really great. It's so good. Everybody knows how great Comedy Works in Denver is. Everybody knows how great Zany's in Nashville is. Most people don't, you know, on the short list of great clubs, Wiseguy's in Salt Lake City is right up there, in my opinion.

Yeah. Oh man. Do you think kids will be back in school in September? I don't know, but if they're not, it's going to be a mess. My kids are mocking their teachers with their fucking computer on mute. I know. Look, dude, my middle daughter, my 12-year-old, she's a savage. She's ruthless. She's a little predator. And she just, like, put them on mute. Oh, yeah, is that what you want us to do?

It's like, oh, you're so smart. How did you learn? Did you learn through a computer? And she thinks it's hilarious. They wake up right before they go to school. I know. Okay, school starts at 8. They wake up at 7.56.

They pee. They drink some water. And they fucking sit in front of their computer. My kids are up all night long, too. I don't even, I have no idea when they go to bed. They drank some water and they fucking sit in front of their computer. My kids are up all night long, too. I don't even, I have no idea when they go to bed. It's like two, I get up to pee in the middle of the night. I still hear movies being played.

My daughter's just sitting on her computer eating breakfast in bed. They're in bed. I know. And the teachers could not be less enthusiastic. Oh, it's horrible.'s horrible so phoning in and one of my daughters my nine-year-old the fucking teacher's always late yeah like she she gets mad at them if they're they tune into the zoom thing late but like she'll be there 15 minutes late just sluggishly talking to them about their studies and it's so boring it sounds so boring oh it's so boring i sat with her and just to walk

let me be a fly on the wall and watch this nonsense yeah it's like it's regular school is deadening right it's like it's so it's so frustrating or it was for me me too and i think their school is better than my school but yeah but the zoom shit is like 75% more annoying than regular school. It doesn't work. My friend's buddy, my friend's son stayed at school in Chicago and was like,

you know, I could do classes from home or, you know, it's all going to be online for the end of the year so I could come home to LA or I could stay there and do anything.

Let me just stay there and be with my friends at least when we're off. And he's, but he's a good student and he loves going to class. He said it just doesn't compare. Like you come out of class and you'd be like, I missed that part. And you go sit with your buddy and have coffee and figure out the stuff that you missed.

And the whole other part of the experience is not just about them spitting information into your brain in this two-dimensional space. We're turning people into robots. It's really brutal. You know, this is the thing that I talked about, and I was just joking around. But if you just sat down and broke it down this way, if you were an artificial intelligence, right, and you were trying to trick people into submitting to become some sort of a symbiotic creation, where you get people to join the matrix, how would you get them to do that? Well, one good

way to start out is make it so they don't want to go anywhere near each other. Separate themselves, make them be accustomed to doing everything online virtually. Make them accustomed to being terrified to be around people's physical touch. You can't shake hands. You can't do anything. So who's controlling this matrix well this is the future the future is eventually we're going to be a part of this like elon was on here talking about some neural link thing they're going to do where one day his yeah his literal words were you're not going to have to talk to communicate really yes and i was like what well this is it right this is how you get into the matrix this is how eventually we're gonna eventually submit because it's going to be

more interesting than the fucking mad max wasteland that's left in the world as the temperature rises and the diseases mutate yeah fuck but first of all we'll be protected by the praying mantis. Second of all, the amazing thing that I've been observing during this, we are this living organism. We are more linked than we knew. Everybody seems to be in the same mood at the same time, the same frustrations, the same sadness, the same joys. People are craving being with each other. We are this organism that while we're individuals, we're also part of this bigger hive that feeds

off of each other in profound ways. And I don't care what you come up with. We want to see and squeeze and be around and be face to face and touch each other. And there is that thing. It's like asking fish not to swim. We are not built for that. You would have to give us a lobotomy for us to do that. Did you see Ready Player One?

Yes. Great movie. It was good. But it's about that. It's about this sort of transition to a virtual world that's more exciting. It's more captivating. It's more... It doesn't have that thing.

It doesn't have that physical thing. You can't satisfy that. I don't know if you're right. Look how we're freaking out. Look how people want to be around each other. Right, but this is now. Yeah, well... As things get better with the virtual world,

I think there's a real potential. I think that Ready Player One shit is real. I mean, I think that is going to be the future, whether it's 50 years from now or 150 years from now. Right. There's going to come a time where people can't wait to just plug into this thing and put a helmet on and go into a crazy world where you can skateboard through the fucking stars. Look, I love all that stuff. I invite it. I would love to be a part of it. Yeah, I love all that stuff. I invite it. I would love to be a part of it.

Yeah, I mean, all that stuff is very exciting, and I see how it's plausible. But there is a biological dimension to this that I think is inescapable. Like, you'd have to do something to the human being to break them down to just be satisfied with that. There'd have to be some component that comes over and makes you feel like a hug. Hits that part of your brain that does that thing. That's what I'm saying. That's what they can do in that.

Remember in Ready Player One, they had those haptic feedback suits. The girl touches him and he can feel it all over his body. I don't remember that part. I do. I wonder if that's where it's all going to go to. I mean, if you look at how connected we are now to computers and to phones and to your Tesla and all this electronic shit that we have, it's just a matter of time. This stuff's going to accelerate. It's going to get more entrenched in your life.

Right. So what's the Elon model is they're creating that for what? Well, they're going to, first steps is going to be for people that have injuries where, you know, paralysis, they're going to be able to make their body function again. And he actually said even better, your body would function even better than it did before your spinal cord was severed. Right. You're going to be able to see people that are you know vision issues are going to be able to fix that brain issues brain trauma they're going to be able to fix that that's what the first applications of it's going to be and then eventually it's going to lead to uh higher

bandwidth access to information and the way he was saying it you're going to people are going to be much more productive when they're on it. Right. They're going to have it. And it's, you know, something you're going to drill a hole in your head and put a fucking cork in there with wires that go into different parts of your brain and fire it up.

Will this be done before I'm old? He says like five years. Really? Yeah. So that would be pretty cool. So the first people that try it will be people that are injured or people that have ailments. Right.

But his five years is really tight. What about people whose knees hurt slightly when he goes upstairs? Stop eating bread. That stuff's making- There's no way. Causing inflammation. You can never not eat bread. You just bake it and smell it.

I could do that. Just only greens and meat. It's so good to eat, though. Especially my bread. It's so delicious. Do you think you could only eat bread once a week? Could have a bread day? I could do that. Just only greens and meat. It's so good to eat, though. Especially my bread. It's so delicious. Do you think you could only eat bread once a week? Could have a bread day? I could.

What if you found out that bread was really bad for you? If you go to a doctor and the doctor says, Tom, here's what's going on. This is where you could be and this is where you are and this is what's holding you back. All this fucking gluten. You're eating this bread and it's fucking with your joints. It's causing arthritis. It's causing your cartilage to break down. You're going to be crippled when you're older.

Or you can just have bread. A little bit of mouth pleasure and some butter. Oh, you can't live without it, can you? In this mythical world that you're talking about, this made-up place where bread is bad for you, I guess I could play around.

But my bread is good for you. How's it possible? Flour, water, salt, and yeast. It's the only thing. It breaks itself down. It's not bad for you. I guess I could play around, but my bread is good for you. How's it possible? Flour, water, salt, and yeast. It's the only thing. It breaks itself down. It's not bad for you. In moderation, it's not bad for you. Please. Centuries. All the people that made you and all the DNA that had to carry you

before you came out. Do you get heirloom wheat flour on bread? Do you get heirloom wheat flour? Do you really? Yeah. From Utah. For real? Utah again. I should just live in Utah. You eat heirloom wheat flour? Yep. Do you really? Yeah. So where do you get it? For real? Mm-hmm. Oh, so it is better. Utah again. I should just live in Utah.

You might have to. Yeah. Because I know when I was in Italy, the pasta you eat does not make you feel fucked up. No, it doesn't. And Maynard, Maynard from Tool, he was explaining to me that when, you know, because he uses heirloom wheat for his pasta, you know, he owns a couple of restaurants. Yeah, yeah. And he was saying that when human beings started fucking around,

particularly in America, with wheat and sort of engineering it for higher yield, they made more complex gluten. There's more glutens in the wheat, and it's a higher yield. So, like, if they have an acre of the old wheat, it would only grow a certain amount of wheat, and it's, like, much more now for an acre of this new wheat. But the problem is our bodies don't know how to digest it properly. Right, right.

That's why people develop all these fucking weird gluten intolerance issues that no one had before. Also, when you go over here, everyone's so fat. But if you go to Italy where they eat pasta every day, they're not fat. Yeah, exactly. And I've said this a thousand times, but the other stuff that's in our bread that you get from the supermarket is making you sick. It shouldn't be 30 ingredients. There should be four ingredients.

Flour, water, salt, and yeast. Preservatives? Preservatives, sugars, different variations of sugar. I bought some bread from the farmer's market. It was stale in a day. Yeah. I bought some bread from the supermarket i bought it three weeks ago i had a sandwich the other day it was great i know it's still good i know

it's crazy i know that's not good it's not good well they're doing all this great stuff all these farmers are growing wheat that was grown in the region where they farm throughout the century so they're they're re repopulating it with the stuff that was indigenous to that region. Really? Yeah. Does that make it better? Yeah, it makes it better because it's natural. It's just real. What are you doing? Are you going to make me smell it? I'm just going to show it to you.

I've given you a lot of bread. Isn't that the best bread I've ever given you? It smells very good. It's really good. When did you bake this? That came out last night. Oh my god. I can't wait to eat it. Let's let it sit there. So beautiful. It's very good. It's really good. When did you bake this? That came out last night. Oh, my God. I can't wait to eat it. Let's let it sit there. So beautiful. It's a masterpiece.

Look at that. I mean, I'm getting better. You are. Now, how do you eat your bread? Do you ever put a little Nutella on it? Do you get crazy? No. You know, I gave Ali Wong a loaf of bread during quarantine.

I've been bringing bread to my friends, just dropping it off. And her husband put, it looked like like a block of Nutella on it. It was like more Nutella than bread. I have a picture that I was going to send to you of your bread with Nutella on it. My favorite thing, I like doing lots of different stuff with it, but my favorite is cream cheese and sardines with capers. God damn, I like what you're saying right sardines with capers. God damn. I like what you're saying right now. Keep talking.

It is so good. Let me get my pants off. Cream cheese and sardines. That sounds fantastic. Oh, it's so good. And some capers on it. Oh my God, dude. Here you go.

That's your bread with Nutella. Look at that. I put it on. Oh, that was my bread. Oh, that's on it fat butter, actually. That is the on it. It's got hazelnut. It's got chocolate.

It's one of the Onnit. That's actually good. Wow. Good for you, that stuff. Oh, yeah? That's right. I got to get some of that. Yeah.

Ooh, that looks good. Why did I think it was Nutella? That's it before. I got pre and after. Ooh, yeah. It looks so good there. It does look good. It looks even better.

It's really good. What's in there? Does it say? Does it say in the post? In the post. Jamie, scroll up. Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. Yeah, baby.

Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. That's good for you? Oh, yeah. Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. Don't be a pussy. There's not one word in that. Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. Don't be a pussy. There's not one word in that. Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. Yeah.

Good stuff. On it fat butter is a great way to get healthy fats. Oh, man. I love that stuff. I just scoop it out. Not usually the chocolate stuff, but we have a bunch of different fat butters. Right. I scoop it out with spoons.

Oh, that's good. Because it's healthy calories. If you want a snack and you don't want to feel like a loser just eat some of that now I think back to what you were saying originally would I be able to stop if they told me you can't eat carbs all the time and feel good

I can't Tony Hinchcliffe can Tony Hinchcliffe weighs 18 pounds he eats pasta all day he's like a hummingbird. He really is. He just burns it off. Praying Mance is going to rip his head off. When he was on the podcast, he was joking around about it.

People would be so angry at me if they saw how I eat. It's funny. He's so slim. He's so tiny. He doesn't even have a hint of a gut. No, nothing. It's true too. I've eaten with him after shows. That fucking kid can eat. Really? That's annoying annoying Tony throws down oh that's annoying

that man has an appetite he's not fucking around yeah it is annoying because it really is he's got a fantastic genetic makeup in terms of

you know being able to lose weight yeah or not gain weight I should say he's never had to lose any weight yeah that's but on the other hand

he can't gain any weight either I've brought him lifting weights and it's that's as hilarious as his diet. Okay. I'm sorry to bring up an old subject, which I'm sure you've talked about a ton. But I've been working out more during quarantine than I have in the last five years.

What have you been doing? And I've been doing the Peloton for cardio. Cool. I don't want to run around. That's a good move. It's really good. I've been doing the Peloton for cardio. Cool. I don't want to run around. That's a good move. It's really good. I really love it. I haven't skipped.

It's really great. And then I have these dumbbells, you know, the adjustable, nautilus ones. Yeah, yeah. I've been using those. Great. And doing those weights in the middle. But everything I see online is all kettlebell all the time. And is it that much better? I've never worked out with a kettlebell all the time and uh is it that much better I've never worked out

with a kettlebell in my life well you certainly can get a great workout with dumbbells you can yeah for sure I mean it feels great but I can show you how to use a kettlebell and you can get an understanding of why so many people like it after the podcast yeah there's just it's they're really versatile yeah in the fact that you're you're them, you're using a lot of your whole body, you're using your legs and you're using your core. And when you're balancing them, you're tightening your core, you're using your spine and your shoulders and your arms. I love them, but I've loved them for a long time.

I just think it's a great exercise for um for functional strength meaning like when i lift a lot of kettlebells and i do it a lot yeah i feel like when i do martial arts i have more strength i move better my legs move better my body moves better because you have to use everything like like say if you're doing like uh what what steve max would call a man maker. I think that's like clean, press, squat. It might have renegade rows in there as well. But the sequences of movements. Right, right. You do these like you could burn yourself out really quick

on these sequences of movements. Right, because the dumbbells are isolating. They're good. No, you can do cleans and presses and stuff with dumbbells. Yeah. It's just not the best thing for windmills or for some other kind of exercise that you can do with the kettlebells kettlebells just really really versatile yeah it's hard to get one right now everybody sold out when

the quarantine hit on it we're still sold out oh really yeah we have a big sale that's going on right now and on it but we don't have a sale like through the whole month but the kettlebell sale doesn't kick in until the last week of the month because we don't even have them in stock. Wow. We sold out. We sold out so quick, and it's hard to get them right now because a lot of these places that manufacture them are shut down

because of the quarantine. So they couldn't restock them for us. I wonder if now that sporting good places are open in L.A., you could probably get stuff there. Maybe. But where are they getting it from? Yeah. I mean, look, sporting good places are open in L.A., you could probably get stuff there. Maybe. But where are they getting it from? Yeah. I mean, look.

Whatever they had in stock before. All these companies are out. I know Rogue hired another company stateside, I believe in Rhode Island, to start making their kettlebells. Because they were getting a lot of their kettlebells overseas. And, you know, just like fucking everything shutting down, man. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, they got to open it up. But once you get them, you know, just like fucking everything shutting down, man. Right, right, right. Yeah. They got to open it up. But once you get them, you know what I mean? Yeah. There's so many great workouts that you could find online. Keith Weber is a great resource. He's a,

he's a guy that I've talked about. He's been on the podcast before, but he's got this great kettlebell, extreme kettlebell cardio workout that you can just use one 35-pound kettlebell and you get an amazing, amazing workout. Wow. Yeah, that'd be cool. I mean, just to vary it up because we've been doing it for like two months or something. I want to go somewhere. I want to go to a yoga class. I miss that.

Yeah, I know. I miss being in a class with people. I miss jujitsu. Oh, that's got to be driving you crazy. I miss everything. You can't wrestle around. The biggest. I miss jujitsu. Oh, that's got to be driving you crazy. I miss everything. You can't wrestle around. The biggest thing I miss is comedy. Oh, 100%.

It's such a weird thing. I think I talked about this with you on the phone. It's not even like, oh, I just miss being up. You slowly start to change. I slowly go inward. I feel like when I'm writing a lot like I get more insulated I get more to myself I feel like that just socially when I'm not performing when you're writing crawling inside which is available right now yes everywhere wherever books are sold it'll

make you feel good it'll make you feel good uh yeah when I'm doing that no joke when I'm isolated and I'm in there cranking it out my i get a little different yeah but then i could go out at night and be out and social it resets it yeah and this is now being in quarantine is like i'm writing the book without having uh any outlet yeah we miss that clubhouse environment i mean the the comedy store is a place where it's like all these these comics that travel all over the country. We get together and be with our own tribe.

You know? Yeah, it's a big part of it. I know. It is a big part of it. And now we're not even supposed to be. I mean, people were at the beginning of this podcast like, why are you allowed to do that? Like they were saying I shouldn't even be allowed to do this. Right.

Even if I was testing everybody. I'm like, just look. Yeah. But I think it's also because people are out of work and they're like, why do you get to work? Like, you know, it seems. Right, right. Why does anybody get to tell you can't work?

That's what the real question should be. Yeah, no kidding. That's the real question. Right, exactly. I know. You got to get people back to work. Well, that's that thing, that balance. And it's like, I think we've gone pretty far that one way.

Yeah. And now you're going to really start hurting people. Utah doesn't give a fuck they're like let's go well in in controlled ways but you know they're not being mindless about it they're not being irresponsible they're not saying come out old people california state university campuses to remain closed through fall semester you fucks they're gonna make cal make California just a bunch of just veal. We're going to be veal over here. The whole rest of the country is going to be out there getting that herd immunity. I wonder if they're going to charge you.

Like if you go to all classes, 500,000 kids. They're just students, I should say. Online. Yeah. Online, though. Fuck off. I wonder if they'll still charge you full tuition and put it online. Of course they will.

Ugh. Of course they will. Ugh. Dude, fuck off with all this. If I was going to college right now and I found out this was California, I would switch. Yeah. I'd be like, I'm getting out of here. 100%.

My daughter's not going to find out until July. You have to go move and pay out-of-state tuition fees at another school now because it's all state schools. So that's like... Right. That like an option for a lot of people. I would move. Oh, that's brutal. Fuck it. I'm going to Texas.

Wouldn't you? I probably wouldn't be going to college right now. Bro, I think for mental health, I think it's terrible for kids to be sitting in front of a fucking computer all day doing school with no friends around and not being able to mingle and have a good time. That's what my daughters call it. school with no friends around, not being able to mingle and have a good time. That's what my daughters call it, school with no friends. It's awful. This might lead to no football for the fall

because if these kids can't be on campus, then they're not going to be playing the games then. Meanwhile, China, they're all spitting in each other's mouths and lifting weights. They're getting ready to take over. Yeah, that's a good point, China, they're all spitting in each other's mouths and lifting weights. They're getting ready to take over. Yeah, that's a good point, Jamie, because then they don't just play California schools. They play the rest of the country. I was just looking up the Big Ten, which is where Ohio State plays.

I was looking up some stuff. There's a discussion of maybe just having it all in conference schedules so teams don't have to fly. They can just drive buses. I wonder how Vegas is going to handle it because like I said my friend Nick his restaurant opened

up at half capacity but I wonder how I have a show in Vegas that's sold out at that park theater whatever the fuck that is

the one next to the July July first weekend in July I know you've done outside comedy before is that terrible

do you think that's a potential I don't enjoy it like amphitheaters yeah you could the a potential? I don't enjoy it. The audience likes it. We don't like it. It's okay. I mean, I did one in Mountain View in San Francisco this past year. I did one

in Salt Lake, too. This is not as good. Dave and I did one in Salt Lake. The energy just goes up into the sky. You don't get to really feel it. It's not really that good. It's pretty good up in the sky. Oh, geez. it goes i've seen some like drive-in things have popped up in the last couple weeks i don't know how successful they've been but it's like music right edm and then i think a couple comedians have tried oh really parking lot comedy or something yeah my wife kept saying that i should do drive-in comedy she's like do it before anyone else gets the

idea yeah it's like yeah you should go do drive-in comedy i know she like, do it before anyone else gets the idea. She's like, yeah, you should go do drive-in comedy. Get the fuck out of here. I know. She is kind of over me. Yeah, people find out whether or not you really like somebody.

Yeah. Tom's not going to have any. No, I'm okay. He's terrified. I'm not terrified. I love it. A little horrified.

I have to do two more things after this. What are you going to do? NPR, KPCC. Both those things. Pot would help both of us. It's true.

Then I got to drive my car home. Let the car drive itself. It does drive itself. It smells so good, though. Do you want some? A little? Just a little baby. No.

No? Okay. Forget it. The new driving option, the Tesla one that you have to pay for, have you done that? The what? Self-driving thing. There's a new update that came out that you actually pay for. No.

Yeah. I didn't see that. Yeah, there was a new one that came out. You have to pay for it? Yeah, like $4,000. What? Oh, maybe my car isn't equipped for it. What year is your car? What are we? 2020? It's probably

2015. Oh, it's a piece of shit. It probably barely has any batteries. It's got great batteries. It dies real quick, right? No. Come on. How fast does it go? piece of shit it's a beautiful probably barely has any batteries it's got great batteries it dies real quick right no come on

how fast does it go slow as shit faster than I need it to no yes impossible it's a killer you should have the new one

I should have the new one this is outrageous it's you're right you're right I should update but I don't I think I'm probably

missing some hardware though yeah I think so for that what does it do I don't know if I haven't'm probably missing some hardware, though. Yeah, I think so. For that. What does it do? I don't know if I haven't tried it yet. Tesla's latest self-driving visualization comes to life in this impressive picture. Oh.

Oh, so it shows the cones. That's interesting. Oh. Yeah, because it's... Oh, so it'll stop for things that... Oh, it shows someone with a stop sign. Wow, that's crazy. It shows the stop sign. It reads the stop sign. Will it stop for things that... Oh, it shows someone with a stop sign. Wow, that's crazy. It shows a stop sign.

It reads the stop sign. Will it stop for traffic lights? That's the thing that mine does not do. I don't think it does that yet. Well, then I'm not interested. Then it's a lemon. Tesla's auto... Go back to that?

On V9, shows great improvements when it comes to rendering the surroundings on the screen, but I'm often getting these weird bugs when stopped or at low speeds. Play that. Let's see what that does. What's the weird bug? Weird bugs. Oh, people are just like moving around like ghosts and shit. There's no one there.

Oh, that's weird. Yeah. Well, it's all electronics. But then have you heard of any viruses infecting Teslas? No. Maybe I shouldn't have put that out there. Dude. Huh?

Have you heard? Dude. I mean, I'm sure someone must have thought about it already. Yeah, I'm sure they've been trying to crack in. I'm not the guy who's going to be the first one to think that up. Yeah. No, I think, yeah, but there's certain things. There's like certain modes and stuff so that people don't mess with it like uh a mode like to kind of shut off the computer yeah and

there's sentry mode too right where right how many people they've caught keying in them oh really yeah it's so weird man people look around no one's around like scratch the shit out of someone's car why would you do that? Because they're angry. That's ridiculous. It's usually people that they don't even know the person. Right. They just decide this is a nice car.

They see this sweet Model 3 sitting there, they just walk by with keys and scratch the shit out of it. What are they in? So weird. What are they in, Warriors, the movie? I think that's why Elon made those Cybertrucks bulletproof. It's like, hmm, it's got to be a way. Got to fix this.

Got to fix it. Yeah. And we're going to do it. Make it all out of sheet metal steel. They do have some sort of hacking competition to look for bugs. Oh, God. A group of hackers won a Tesla Model 3 and a $35,000 prize for hacking into its systems. Amat Kama and Richard Zhu, I hope I'm saying that right, of a team called Fluoroacetate

exposed a vulnerability in the vehicle system during the hacking competition. The hackers targeted the infotainment. That's a weird fake word. Yeah. Infotainment. Which is it? Is it information or is it entertainment? That's ridiculous. How about media system?

How about the radio? I don't like that. Infotainment word. Infotainment. It gets thrown around like a real word. We have plenty of words that cover both of those things. Right. No new word needed here. We don't need to make hybrid words.

Yeah. It just seems like a weird time. How did we get on the Tesla we were talking about? Talking about your car driving itself if you got high. Oh, if I got high, right. See, my memory's strong, even with the weed. That's rare, though. It's very unreliable.

My memory's super unreliable when I'm high. Yeah, no kidding. I know. Sometimes it's great, though. sometimes I can pull things out of out of the deep what's with all these old boxers coming back Evander Holyfield is coming back

what? yes have you seen the Mike Tyson video? he's like 65 Mike Tyson's coming back what? yes you haven't seen? dude no okay go to Mike Tyson's page for his most recent video on his Instagram. Get ready for this. Oh, really? Get ready for this because he looks fucking sensational.

What is he, 55? 53. 53. I think. Yeah. I think he's a year older than I am. I'm 52. But he looks fucking incredible.

Really? Terrifying. Dude. He was so terrifying. But wait till you see this. Was there anything more exciting than his fights? There were a cultural event. Oh? Terrifying. He was so terrifying. Was there anything more exciting than his fights? They were a cultural event. Oh my god.

So exciting. The only concern was that you were going to spend money and you weren't going to get it back. Look at this. You needed volume so you can hear this too. Whoa. I mean, what in the fuck, dude? Oh, my God. Dude, he looks like old.

I'm back. I'm back. You know what's really funny? Oh, my God. He said on the podcast when he was in here, he said he didn't want to work out again because his ego would get fired up again. Uh-huh. And he's actually said that in his post that my ego had been reignited. Does that mean his rage? my ego had been reignited.

Does that mean his rage? No. See if you can find it. That his ego would be. Because he's like being Zen and doesn't want to. He gave a statement about it saying that like his ego has been reignited. Good for him. Yeah. Good for us.

He said something about how the gods of war have uh brought him out again it was like really heavy duty shit i think it's real recent real recent wow see if you can find the quote but it was like oh my god when you were with him gods of war have reignited my ego oh my god and i'm ready to go again yeah he's gonna fight do you think how do you think he'd fare against a i think 28 year old I don't know. It depends on the 28-year-old. But I think that you for sure need a guy who's really good at fighting to keep him off you. Even if you're in your 20s.

Here, Mike Tyson explains his desire to fight again. I feel unstoppable now. The gods of war have reawakened me. And he said something about his ego firing up. See if you can find that quote. He was so deadly. Because that was one of the things that he actually talked about in the podcast. Yeah, the gods of war have awakened me.

They've reignited my ego and want me to go to war again. Holy shit, that's so terrifying. That's so terrifying. Here's the thing, man. If they don't drug test him, if they don't test him for hormones, things are way different. What do you mean? Because if he takes hormones, if he's taking testosterone and growth hormone, thyroid hormone, all the things that people do when they take hormone replacement therapy, your body functions

way better at a way later age. It's different. It's very different. So if we're talking about like being a 53-year-old man in 1985, there's no chance. Everybody fell apart. You'd have to be a really, really, really rare person who doesn't take hormones and can perform like a 30-year-old when you're in your 50s. But when you're on hormones, you can kind of do it. There's a few guys that were in the UFC.

One of the bigger examples is Vitor Belfort. Vitor Belfort, who's a phenomenal fighter, a real legend. He won the first tournament that I ever worked on. That was at UFC 12 in 1997. So he was 19 years old back then. And then when he was in his late 30s, he had a giant resurgence. And it was when they made testosterone replacement therapy legal for fighters. Oh. Yeah. So there was a bunch of fighters that got on these testosterone replacement therapy exemptions.

And so they're taking testosterone, but they had an old man's brain, but their body moved like a younger man. So it's basically they had all of the experience of a lifetime of fighting. But because of the hormones, their body actually performed like someone way, way younger than them. Like how much younger do you think? I don't know. It depends on the body. It depends on what kind of damage you're dealing with, what's wrong with you, whether or not it can bring you back 10 years or five years or who knows.

But with these fighters, the thing is they were never really out of shape. And some of them, there's quite a few of them, in fact, and I'm not going to name any names, but some of them needed those hormones because they had done steroids. So when you do steroids, it shuts down your endocrine system. Your endocrine system doesn't make the proper hormones anymore. And so they needed, it was a real weird sort of conundrum because everyone was kind of knew this, but there was a weird loophole that went on for a few years. It was a real gray area in MMA.

And so say a fighter could go to the doctor and say, hey, I want to get a blood test and see what my testosterone levels are because I am feeling very tired. Right. And they look at it and they test. They go, oh, look at this. Your testosterone levels are low. You could take this hormone and inject it into your body every week. Now you're eligible for testosterone replacement therapy right but the thing is they might have like the whole reason why they needed

in the first place might have been that they they were using it illegally so it's a weird thing you're rewarding because the testing wasn't very good and some of these guys that are a part of this we're a part of this testosterone replacement therapy thing, they were ones that were kind of accused of possibly using performance-enhancing drugs in the past. So then they get to use them legally. And Vitor, dude, I'm telling you, everyone in the MMA community would talk about TRT Vitor.

Because TRT Vitor was a guy who was in his 30s, he'd been fighting a long fucking time, but all of a sudden he was moving like a demon again. Right. And just smashing people. Right. You ever see him fight? No.

Do me a favor. Pull up Vitor Belfort versus Luke Rockhold. Because that was one of the perfect examples. And they're fighting. I don't know if it was in Brazil or what. But Vitor had muscles on his teeth when he was weighing in for that fight. Oh, my God. It was crazy.

And he just blitzkrieged. And it was okay to do. It was legal. Right. What he was doing was legal. Right. And then it took a while before everybody went, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What the fuck?

Hold on a minute. What's going on? This is not. We can't do this. And so then the UFC went the whole other way. And they brought in USADA, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, now handles everything, and they randomly test fighters in the middle of the night, and people get popped for stuff all the time.

Oh, really? Yeah, they're really strict, man. Do you think they should be? Calvin Gaslam just got popped for marijuana. They have a pretty liberal range. It's a pretty generous range that you can have. So watch this. First of all, look at Vitor.

He's the one in the red. Yeah. Just fucking shredded. Now watch this wheel kick. Check this out. Set it up. Bang! Dude. Jeez. Dude. Fucking Vitor when he was on the TRT was one of the scariest guys to ever live. Look at his back up into his traps.

Yeah, look at him. Oh my god. Yeah. Dude's avoided the fuck out of him. Look at this wheel kick. Oh god. Dude. It's like a pit bull. Oh my my God. Yeah, dudes avoided the fuck out of him. Look at this wheelchair. Oh, God. Dude. It's like a pit bull. Oh, my goodness. He looked like a demon. He looked like a demon back then.

There's a few of his fights from that era that were just absolutely terrifying. Do you think that it should be that strict against these drugs in the fight? It should, yeah. Yes. It's because it's competition. Keep it pure, yeah. Yeah, it's not it's not um for your health right i take testosterone replacement i think for your

health it's a good move when you get older it makes your body work better but for fighting there's a weird gray area like when when should it be legal yeah you're gonna let people take it after they're 45 right my point is if they don't test Tyson and Holyfield and all these guys for testosterone replacement and growth, we might see some crazy shots. We might see some great fights. He's a perfect- Some fun paper. I do not know.

Maybe he's not on anything, and maybe he's just a special athlete. Right. Lord knows Herschel Walker was. Herschel Walker was a guy who fought in strike force after he played in the nfl and was really successful it was terrifying like people were avoiding him yeah people that were like lifelong martial artists like fuck that guy because he was a super athlete and super obviously mike tyson was a super athlete when he was young god no one when they're 20 usually can move like that and And here he is, 53, moving like a world champ, throwing bombs.

Again, it's only on the pads. We don't know what happens if he spars. But you have to surmise. Like the praying mantis, if he makes the first move, he's going to rip your head off. You have to look at that and go, look, look, look, let's not get crazy. Look how fast he's going. I know. Look how scary he is.

That's what makes us think of Mike Tyson when he was in his prime. Oh, when he'd come out, no socks. Oh, my God. Just those leathers. Dude, my favorite ever was the Marvis Frazier fight because it was really like an execution. Yeah. Marvis Frazier also was like a really good fighter

and was Joe Frazier's son. And you knew what was going to happen. In like 20 seconds. Tyson was just, he was a different thing. Yeah. He just came into the ring. We had never seen a boxer like him before. No.

Where it was just like every fight was an execution. It was brutal. Brutal. No frills, no nothing. No ropes. No sock most of the time. No socks, no robe most of the time. Just come into the ring.

Sometimes he had a towel around his neck. Sometimes he didn't even have that. He wasn't going to be there long. No, man. And you would see the look in the guy's eyes when they would see him across the ring. Like, oh my God, what the fuck did I sign up for? So exciting. When you were with him when he was here yeah do you feel like this is still a

menacing physical guy or did you feel like well he's real nice yeah i know he's a real nice guy but he's he's still but do you still have that you know guys that are were tough in their youth you still feel that thing yeah but he's terrifying yeah yeah who said it passed what was the ufc fighter that was saying like it's like hanging out with a lion? Oh, was it Kevin Lee? I think it was Kevin Lee. Yeah. I think it was Kevin.

It sounds like something Kevin would say. It's like, he goes, it's like you're next to a lion. Right. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's Mike Tyson. Like, that way to describe it is the perfect way to describe being around him. That's perfect. You just want him to like you. Right. You want to be way to describe being around him like you just want him to like you right you want you want to be nice to him and you all cool be cool you can't believe he's here yeah you know he's here now it's like a mythical figure sitting next to you

dude he asked me about fighting like what about what did i ever do and i've never felt more like a fraud in my life just tell me about the stupid shit that i've done i did a little taekwondo tournaments and yeah had a couple kickboxing fights. I felt like such a bitch. I could feel it. Yeah, the worst. I could feel it in the air. It's the worst.

He's like a cultural icon. Yeah. If you stop and think about it, like from our generation, to be around him is like, what? Are you a real thing? You're right here? It's like being with Thor or Zeus. Really?

It's like, oh, you came out of the sky and you're talking to me now. He was a legend. He's going to fight someone and they don't have a fight scheduled, but also Evander Holyfield. Go to Evander Holyfield's YouTube. I'm thinking he doesn't look as fast. Nope. He doesn't, but he still looks good. I'm sorry.

His Instagram, not his YouTube. His Instagram, he posted this video of him throwing punches, and he said, this is me at 60%. Who wants to see 70%? Oh, really? I've been doing this my whole life. Yeah. It was interesting because as a person who's a giant boxing fan,

and I am, I see what Holyfield's doing. What Holyfield's doing is he saw the Mike Tyson thing. He saw Mike Tyson looking amazing. And then that fire just got click, got turned on, and he's doing it slow and deliberate. So here he is, like, running and shadowboxing. And then there's videos of him. He's jumping rope again. Oh, jeez.

Doing sit-ups. He's in good shape. Oh, dude, he was in great shape when he was here. But look at this. Shadowboxing. And then there's a video of him. That looks in good shape. Oh, dude, he was in great shape when he was here. But look at this. Shadow boxing. And then there's a video of him. That looks pretty good. I didn't see that one.

Let me go to all the videos. Did I mention I've been doing the dumbbells? I think it's that. That's not it. The one. Is that it? I think it was before that. I think it was before that.

You think that'll be the fight? That's the announcement, but there was another one of him where it said, this is me at 60%. Who wants to see 70%? Jeez, look at him in the prime. God. Maybe there? Nope.

Nope. What does it say there? Did you see him in his prime? It was really recent. It's him. He's hitting the bag. He's doing some other stuff. God.

He was tough. Oh, he was amazing. He's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time either way that's okay wow um but it was he's basically you know him going through a workout he's throwing some punches hitting the bag throwing some uppercuts and you're like wow you what if it's a tyson holyfield fight dude that's the fight if you were gonna make a crazy fightolyfield fight? Dude, that's the fight. If you were going to make a crazy fight of two 50-year-old guys, that's the fight. People would pay for that for sure. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, fuck yeah, they would. But here's the thing.

Do you just jump right into that? Or do you? Yes, you do. Do you let Tyson fight a bartender first? Just from a promo standpoint to get everyone excited? Well, there was a guy who's a rugby player who's, I believe he's 7-0 in boxing. I think they offered Tyson a fight to fight that guy. And I think his thought is, no, he wants to fight a real boxer,

like not just a guy who's like a hobbyist. Right. Yeah, let him take down some tomato cans. Lennox Lewis, what? I've been training lately, too. Oh, my him take down some tomato cans. Lennox Lewis, what? I've been training lately, too. Oh, my goodness. 54-year-old Lennox Lewis. Hey, man.

Imagine if in this day and age the three of them have like a fucking fight off. You know, like a Super 6 tournament. Yeah. Fuck, that would be crazy. Now, you're – Lennox Lewis – They can take testosterone, these guys? I don't know.

Would that be okay? In the Boxing Federation? I don't know where they get it done. I don't know. Would that be okay in the Boxing Federation? I don't know where they get it done. I don't know who does the testing, what the rules are. It would vary on the state athletic commissions. You could always do things on tribal land. They have their own rules. You could always make agreements.

Like the fighter can't take more than this or that, and you have to be within this level or that level. Because you don't want guys juiced up on some psycho drugs. No, no. Because also, like if you're not going to drug test at all, like there's other stuff that people could take. People take Adderall and fight. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just for focus.

Yeah, I've seen people who actually were on Adderall who were told by the athletic commission that they couldn't take the Adderall. They had to get off of it, and then they had to wean themselves off and then come back and fight. Jeez. Wow. Yeah, there was quite a bit of an issue because there's guys who were prescribed it by their doctors. They have ADHD or something, and they're on this Adderall,

and the Athletic Commission was like, no, sir. Oh, yeah. I did a baseball event. It was the All-star game for softball. You know, the softball game before the all-star game the next day. Okay. Celebrity legends thing. And you get to play with all the baseball players.

And I hang out with the baseball players, and they were all talking about how in the 70s and 80s, they would, when you were pitching, you would put amphetamines in the coffee because you wanted everybody to be super alert and be able to see stuff and you wanted everybody to play play your best while you were pitching they were like it was just common you just yeah people were taking that pills and stuff all the time and then focus for the batters as well right yeah so their team would win while you're pitching yeah not but not even they would see the ball as a big yeah yeah yeah yeah i've never done them.

Me neither. But I know a lot of pool players who really got into amphetamines during gambling events because the pool culture is very strange when it comes to gambling. Yeah. One of the big things is

they play until someone quits. Right. It's like you can win. You can say, okay, we'll do a race to 10. Right. And if you beat me, and if I want we'll do a race to 10 right and if you beat me and if i want to play you a second race and you just bail you get a bad reputation in the world of gamblers the idea is in this and this is very debatable some guys don't feel bad

about stopping early and some guys do but the old school hardcore guys would never quit right that's like a scene the hustler with jackieleason and Paul Newman. Just wears them down. They go all night and then all through the next night. He has a breakdown. He's just all sweaty. And then... His character cracks.

And Fats starts putting himself together. He's like, oh, it was better at the end. Yep, he washes his hands. So great. Yeah, he changes his suit. Tightens his tie. Powdered his hands up.

Like a baby, Fats. And he goes, yeah, he goes, Fast Eddie, let's play some pool. And then Paul Newman's drunk. I mean, it's a classic scene. So great. But it's a realistic scene in terms of the culture of hardcore gamblers in pool. And in the 70s and the 80s when gambling was a really big thing with pool players who travel all across the country.

There's all these great road stories. There's one by David McCumber about my friend Tony Antagoni. It's called Playing Off the Rail. And it's all about them just traveling from town to town gambling. Wow, that's great. But Tony would do it completely naturally. Tony was just a strong-minded, really good pool player who would do it with no drugs. But other guys would take hardcore amphetamines and be up for days.

It was famous that guys would have these sessions. You would go home and go to bed, and then you'd call the pool hall at noon, like, they're still going. Like, what? And they went all through the night, and they played all through the day. So you would go down there after lunch. It would be 3 in the afternoon. These guys who'd been playing pool

from 7 p.m. the night before were still playing and still talking shit to each other and they're all just gacked up on speed. Oh my God. Until somebody broke.

Yeah, there was speed guys and then there was the guys who were the natural guys who would get mad at the speed guys. Yeah, yeah. He needs that shit in his system.

Right, right. He can't fucking play me like a man. Should I take testosterone testosterone would it make me uh you should go to a doctor and find out what your testosterone levels are you mean you might when i went for my physical i it wasn't low oh you're good to go i was but it's got to be lower than it was when i was 17 i'm sure it is and there's some strategies to lift it up. And one of the best ones is stop eating bread. Sorry.

What? God damn it. Some people think that's actually true. Some people think that one of the best ways to keep your hormones strong is to have less inflammation in your body. Right. Less. Right, right. And carnivore diet. Like any diet where you're eating very little carbs.

Yeah. Probably will boost it a little bit. Yeah. It's good for people that have autoimmune issues for some strange reason. When people cut out bread and pasta and sugar and even vegetables. Yeah. Some people like psoriasis, it just goes away. Really?

That's weird, man. Yeah. That's extreme. Yeah. I did it for a month. It's a weird way to live your life. Yeah. It's like you get tired of.

It does feel great though to, you know, I'm not going to live that way, but when it's just, when you don't have any of that and just have some of your elk or whatever and vegetables and just eggs the next morning. Even just for like two days, you feel like different. Really, you feel different. It's like a person who doesn't fly. Yeah. If you're eating healthy food, I mean, healthy food is the number one building block for your body.

You have to think about it like if you're making your body, like your body is essentially building itself up all the time and regenerating tissue and regenerating cells. We all know this. If that's happening, what is it doing it with? What are you providing? What kind of protein? What kind of vitamins? Cool ranch Doritos.

Holy cow. We're going to have to build a house with this shit. And it's got to build your body with this horrible foundation. You should almost look at it that way. Yeah with this horrible foundation you should almost look at it that way yeah that's a good way to look at it i don't think there's anything wrong with eating a little bit of bullshit every now and then sure but you're literally using it as fuel right to to power your body yeah you want to give it the best fuel possible yeah of course of course like i know i know people like my friend cam haynes he drinks

pours water into cereal because he won't use dairy what about a nut milk you'd never catch that motherfucker drinking nut milk it's too hard but he pours water onto cereal i'm like what the fuck just don't eat cereal don't eat cereal yeah he wants a cereal just doesn't want any dairy some people just look at food as fuel it's just i know i know that's all it is yeah and look if you're living that's that way that's fine but not me baby not me baby a bottle of wine some nice bread some nice cheese once in a while sit outside with your wife and just have a nice little moment yes that's not about fuel that's about something else it's about living your life yeah there's enjoyment there's pleasure in those meals yes a hundred percent yeah is it like pasta it's like i was talking to uh adam

perry lang about food what he calls comfort food i'm like yeah that's a good name for it that that expression that people love to use comfort food yeah Yeah, because that's kind of what's happening. It's like giving you a hug in your mouth. It is, yeah. It's a big cuddly grandma's boob. Some real good mac and cheese. Right in between grandma's big boobs and her house dress. Yes.

You smell the flour in her apron. Yeah, come on. Oh, whatever you grew up with like that? Yeah. Oh, it could just make you five again. Especially like things that are like cheesy, like stews or, you know, like just pasta with melted cheese and sauce, like lasagna. Oh, come on.

Come on. Lasagna is such a great creation. Oh, it's so good. I mean. Whatever wizard figured out how to put together that concoction. Because think of what they're doing. Like, hold on. I got a fucking idea. We're going to get a melt pan.

We're going to get some pasta on the bottom. We're doing some pasta on the bottom. I'm going to put a pasta on the bottom. I'm going to put a sauce. I'm going to put a cheese. More pasta. Don't forget the meat. Don't forget the meat.

Oh, the fucking pork. It's all about the pork. We are going to have three times meat. forget the meat. Don't forget the meat. Oh, the fucking pork. It's all about the pork. We are going to have three times meat. Three times meat. Stacked it in there like this meat and pasta cheese sandwich. Another layer? Yeah, another layer. And then the tomato sauce. And you know there's no

ifs, ands, or buts. That's not good for you. You don't give a fuck. Oh my god. No one's got nutritious pasta that's like lasagna. There has never been an athlete that was at the podium with a medal around his neck saying, I'd like to thank the people that made my lasagna. There's something about it, though. Like when you're eating it, you're like, I don't give a fuck. I don't care if this is bad for me.

This is so good. I make that on Christmas Eve. Oh, it's such a good thing to make. Oh, and it becomes like, you know, because it's a lot of work. You're only doing that a couple times a year. And when you do it, like now the kids all think of Christmas Eve as the time for the lasagna. I mean, that's memories. That's love.

That's all of that stuff wrapped into one. My grandmother used to make her own pasta. She did everything. Everything was homemade. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was crazy. Like I grew up with that oh when i was a little kid i remember when i was over their house like my grandmother she had

like the rolling pin the flour and she's making the dough and she's pressing everything and pouring the flour on it and pressing it again and a master where was this where was she jersey jersey she was reckless this lady she would cut a loaf of bread towards her with a giant ass knife. Like this. I'm like, your tits, grandma. Your tits are right there. Don't cut yourself. I kept thinking she's going to cut herself.

Never. She's been doing it every day for her whole life. Yeah, her whole fucking life. God. Reckless lady. Oh, that's the best. Cut towards your tit with a giant old knife. But you knew when you walked in there you were going to be fed.

The only thing they didn't make is bread. We would get bread. My grandfather had two places he would go in the neighborhood. We would go, and he would take me on a walk with him to get the bread. It was only a couple of blocks away. Amazing. Yeah. Amazing.

Wild, man. Italian immigrant cooking. That was my grandparents, too. And what was amazing, too, is even when they weren't going all out, if they just did something simple, it was like the most mind blowing. She used to make the escarole, which is just like this leafy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, just Tommy, just take this, take a little piece of bread,

just have that. And it was like, come on. Yes, yes. Come on to your knees. Yes. She would make these little twists, these little pasta twists. And it was all fresh pasta. So when you bite into it, it had this chew to it that was so satisfying.

With the homemade tomato sauce. Bro, it all came from my grandfather's tomatoes that he would grow in the backyard. She would do the whole thing from scratch. Boil the tomatoes and make the sauce and add the garlic. The kitchen just, you'd walk in, you'd be like, I'm fucking starving. Like, what is happening in here? I always said as soon as I got out of the car in the driveway, the smell would just carry you into the house.

Oh, the tomato sauce, the smell. So good. The garlic. Good for your soul. Good for your soul. I'll never forget that, man. I'll never forget watching her make things and she wanted she wanted to make it for everybody she wanted everybody to eat her

homemade pasta oh she knew she was good at it oh for sure we would go crazy she would she would serve us and she'd just look at us and be like oh my god grandma was it a big family did you have like cousins yeah yeah everybody would come over yeah Yeah, we would do, you know. Before she got sick, she had a stroke. Oh, yeah. It was horrible, man. How old? She wasn't that old, and she lived for another 12 years. Wow.

They thought that she had 48 hours to live. The doctor was like, you know, she's got maybe 72 or something. Oh, my God. Say goodbye. She's in bad shape. 12 years. She had a stroke, and people didn't, they didn't, no one knew. She fell down outside.

She had a hemorrhage, and she fell down outside, and they didn't find her for like a half hour or something. No one knew that she'd been out there. That's the whole key with stroke is speed. Yeah, that's what they say, right? But we only learned that like last week. Oh, that's brutal. Yeah, aneurysms only learned that like last week. Oh, that's brutal. Yeah, aneurysms are crazy, right? Like you just, everything's fine.

Yeah. And then one day, just boom, things start bleeding. No, I don't like to think of those at all. It's terrifying. God, but you got enough years in where she was cooking. Yeah, but it was also, I did, but it was also just for life for me, for a life lesson to see someone who you see someone who you knew was always like this larger than life character. My grandmother, she was really fun. She was really weird, too.

She would wear wigs and shit. She was a strange lady. That's great. But a powerful lady. Yeah. And then to see her confined to a bed for the rest of the time that I saw her. And then when I moved to New York, when I was 23 or 24, when I first moved to New York, I stayed with them because I didn't have any money.

And my grandparents lived in this neighborhood that was really deteriorating, their next door neighbor. Like the fucking, the DEA broke down his front door with a battering ram he was on crack and shit like shit oh man heavy the neighborhood got heavy yeah but to stay with them while you know they're in the twilight of their life and my grandmother was in really bad shape yeah so she would like moan all the time make these horrible noises oh really for for years kind of a thing or Oh, yeah. Yeah. It lasted a long time, man.

But it made me, the lesson was, okay, you have to really savor the moment because they can go away. Yeah. They can go away quick. And also, you got to take care of your body. Yeah. Like you have to. And no one from her generation did.

Forget it. They were just trying to survive, man. Exactly. She was a kid during the Depression. Yeah. So people that were kids during the Depression, man, they were scared. Yeah, they didn't eat. I mean, they had no joke.

Not like, now I'm starving. Like, real starving. Yeah, like, terrifying. Yeah. Terrifying times. Yeah. And you saw how they treated food that whole generation. Like, my grandmother wouldn't throw anything out.

There was no waste because they always felt like you could right around the corner could be another time when you're not gonna have also you didn't cook anything new you just ate the leftovers you had to eat your fucking leftovers where you cook some new shit that's right you know i know i know i always feel wasteful when i think of that yeah well that's one thing that hunting does for sure like you feel very differently about things that you don't use. Yeah. It's not the same. It's like if I don't use a piece of chicken, I don't feel as bad.

Right. But if I don't use a piece of elk, I'm like, oh my God, I feel terrible. Yeah. I'm always erring on the side of cooking too little. Or I make some so I can eat it the next day. But I eat it the next day. I like to eat it with um like uh there's a chipotle lime mayonnaise that primal kitchen makes oh yeah it's like avocado oil mayonnaise and it's got a little bit of kick to it i eat the elk in the morning with the cold elk yes yeah

cold elk with this chipotle lime oh that's mayo oh it's so good yes avocado oil oh man it tastes delicious that's so good and it gives you the avocado oil. Oh, man. Super good for you. It tastes delicious. That's so good. And it gives you the fats, too, because that elk's super lean. Yeah, that's so good. That stuff is so good. I mean, I've been living on it all during quarantine. It's crazy, right? So good.

Yeah. So good. I mean, even like when I bought one steak during the time from the supermarket, and it just wasn't as good. It's different. Yeah, I can't even explain why. It's just a different kind of meat. Yeah, it's just... You gotta realize those are warriors. Yeah. You're eating

warriors. Yeah. Like, I know them. Like, I snuck up on them. Right. Like, this is not conjecture. Yeah. This is fact. This isn't from a pen. It was actually there while they were screaming. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta honor that there's not it's a connection to it first of all it's better for you for sure yeah like it feels better for you like god damn this is good yeah and also there's

a connection that just doesn't exist with your food yeah in any other way it's even if you grow something growing something's great like i've grown vegetables and fruit and stuff and eaten it. It feels good that you're eating something. Yeah. Oh, 100%. But when you eat a piece of elk

from an animal that you stalked, shot with a bow and arrow, that's off the charts. It's gotta be. That connection's off the charts. It's gotta be. Yeah.

I mean, because even just knowing you and knowing that you hunted for it has an effect on my eating it. Dude, I can show you a video of that animal getting shot. Right. You can almost be there when it happened. Yeah.

Yeah, that's... Yeah, it's heavy. It's different. It's totally different. Well, this is a thing that happened during this quarantine. So many people got interested in hunting. Big shift. Yeah.

Giant shift. Because people realize like oh oh oh this whole food supply chain this might not be stable that's right like if you can't drive a truck because everybody's got the zombie plague right like how the fuck do i get a hamburger yeah don't get a hamburger right wendy's is out of hamburgers yeah you know about that no wendy's really fucking wendy. They ran out of hamburgers. Yeah, they don't have any beef. Jeez.

Right. So that's not everywhere, and they don't want people to fucking panic, and they think they can solve all this. And in fact, I think, didn't the government step in and say they were going to start buying people's meat and milk to make sure that the supply chain doesn't get interrupted because of financial hardship? And they want to make sure these farms don chain doesn't get interrupted because of financial hardship. And they want to make sure these farms don't fucking go under. We're not growing anything. Where are we getting our food?

So there's a lot of people that started thinking about hunting. A lot. Isn't it funny? Like all that stuff, cooking at home. How about guns? The bread baking at home. The hunting. All those things that you had to do for centuries.

And then only in this brief moment have you not had to do any of that stuff. You know what I mean? Those food chains like Wendy's, I mean, that's a new thing that it became that easy. And then all of a sudden it's back to being worried about where the food comes from. Yeah. Like that. Yeah. comes yeah like that yeah well wendy says they have plenty of burgers but they had a small problem at some stores because they deliver fresh beef and they want to keep it fresh yeah they ran

out they ran out wow yeah yeah crazy nobody ever thought what happened to some wendy's places yeah how many stores was it where they ran on it it says some it doesn't some it's all of them stop lying you ran out of beef it's really ironic because. It doesn't say the It's all of them, bitch. Stop lying. You're in out of beef. It's really ironic because remember their commercial? Where's the beef? Where's the beef?

That's right. That's literally the thing they put back out, like, where's the beef? They're really good at Twitter.

Oh, that's what they said? Since you've been asking. Funny. Well, it's because

that's why their burgers are delicious. Yeah. If you have a choice, like one o'clock in the morning, that's my spot. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, if there's nothing else open. I know if I go to Wendy's, it's way better than most of those places. Right. I never go there. It's fresh. Eating the elk, too, is what's interesting. And it might be what they add to it. But if I go to a steakhouse and have a steak, I can't sleep that night.

I'm having meat sweats. Really? Yeah, it feels weird eating i could eat the same amount of the elk and it's i think i just digest it quicker i think all that bread bacteria in your stomach it won't tolerate any uh incoming troops from you son of a fact you know because you get the gut flora i think you know how that happens like people that eat a lot of sugar for instance you eat a lot of candy yeah your body starts craving that shit get the gut flora. I think, you know how that happens? Like, if people that eat a lot of sugar, for instance, you eat a lot of candy, your body starts craving that shit. And your gut flora wants candy all the time. Oh, really? What is that, candida?

That's what it's called? That type of, it's one of the gut floras. Right. No, I have really good gut flora. Not for steak. But, yeah, like if I eat a big steak at a steak. But it's also tons of butter and, you know, who knows what else you're eating with it. But I think the elk is just lean.

I think it's just lean. It's very different. Yeah. It has an energy to it too. Yeah. Um, deer meat does as well. Deer meat has an energy to it. Yeah.

It's cause there's like a, that's what my brother, brother-in-law and sister, he in Jersey from hunting, they've just living on that. Do you think you could ever hunt? Um, I don't know. I think probably. Yeah. Brother-in-law and sister, he's in Jersey from hunting. They're just living on that during quarantine. Do you think you could ever hunt? I don't know. I think probably. Yeah. Yeah.

You know what you should try? I could hunt. You should try to go to Lanai. Lanai. Yeah, because there's an animal there called an axis deer that we hunt. Right. And it's really delicious. It's also an invasive species.

They have way too many of them. Right. They hire snipers to come in and shoot the deer. It's not like anything you've ever seen. Lanai has 3,000 people, super nice people, really cool place, 30,000 deer. Dude, these are just estimates. It might be 20,000. It might be 30,000.

They don't know. There's so many, man. So does it even feel like hunting? Yes. Well, for me, because I'm doing it with a bow and arrow, it's very difficult. Very difficult. But for a rifle hunter, it's 100% success rate. Right.

100%. Yeah. But you'll actually be doing good. Sure. The thing is, you can look at it one way. You can say, oh, is it even hunting? Yeah. Well, what's your goal?

Is your goal for it to be really difficult? Or is your goal to be successful in gathering meat in an ethical way? Right. So if your goal is just to get the meat in an ethical way, it's 100% successful. Right. Because it's 100% a good thing to do because they have to do it anyway. And the food is great for you. Yeah.

Now, look, it's kind of similar to golf in a way. Golf is a really great game. It's thoughtful. There's bonding with it. It's's challenging it's all that stuff and then there's a faction of it that's filled with douchebags filled with guys who you don't want to talk to you don't want to be friends with who are just big blowhard douchebags finance guys right and there's i'm sure in hunting and in everything else there's that same thing it's people like what you just described is like, I would do that in a second. Yeah.

And then there's other people that just kind of like abuse it and have like, we're throwing our beer cans into the woods. There's way less of those people than you would imagine. Yeah. It's way more people that respect it. That's good. But there's also different kinds of hunting. Like there's mountain hunting in like Colorado or Utah or Wyoming or Montana.

That's the hardest shit. That's gorgeous, though. There's a special level of hunter that's a fitness fanatic, backpacking. That's the top of the food chain world. There's a bow hunter that lives off his back, that goes into public ground and hikes in the back country 12 miles in shoots and now carries it out on his back literally yeah like eight trips to do oh my god those are those are like athletes yeah that get their food from hunting that's crazy yeah those are yeah i never thought of that like what happens how do you get it out of the woods do my friend

adam green tree he was uh he's the guy who shot that buffalo up there. Wow. He went to Colorado. He went to a couple different places where he was out in the woods for 28 days by himself, solo. 28 days? 28 days until he finally got an elk. Jeez.

And he put it all on his Instagram and then he had to pack the elk out. But in those 28 days, he documented everything on his Instagram stories. And one of them, he had a fucking encounter with a grizzly bear. So grizzly bear kept bluff charging him and he had a pistol that had the wrong round in it. So the pistol wasn't even effective.

So he's pointing a gun at the grizzly bear. And if you're looking at it, you can tell that the gun is jammed. Like the bullet isn't even in the, it's not even in the chamber. Oh my God. He has the wrong round. Oh my God. gun is jammed like the the bullet isn't even in the it's not even in the chamber oh my god he has the wrong round oh so meanwhile he's pointing this like dummy gun thinking he's gonna stop this bear and the bear is just running at him and he did he didn't even realize it until after this was over that the gun didn't work he got the gun from somebody else to protect him from bears yeah he's out there oh my god 28 days that's a long time but dude there's videos of the bears like looking

at him standing up watch this video right oh that's him that's it she comes up to the thomas but you see how the gun's jammed see that hole right see that opening that's that's because the the round's not in the chamber so so he's get this pistol and she's not aware of it in the background oh yeah yeah yeah she's gonna drop down and then you realize, oh, my God, that's a bear. Oh, my God. Look at that. See, she drops down. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. And she kept charging him. Holy cow. She bluff charged him three times. Oh, she must have had cubs around or something. Yeah, that's what he thinks. And they just decide that you're a threat, and sometimes they follow you around, too. Oh, my God.

Where are you sleeping that night? He sleeps in a tent. You know what I mean? He what i mean in a tent yeah you know what else they do they put these little electric fences around their tents oh yeah to protect themselves little battery-powered fences it gives the bear a little jolt i never heard of that yeah they do that in grizzly country whoa yeah that's is that new that sounds new no they've been doing over the last for decades really yeah i wonder when they invented that. It's pretty cool, though. That is cool.

They stick it in the ground, and then they have a big car battery that powers the whole fucking thing. You get up to pee at night. Ah, you piss on it. Yikes. Yeah, that's a different kind of connection to your food. He takes it on a whole other level. I don't do that. I'm not good enough to do that.

But there's something to all those kind of, it's just being thoughtful about any stage of it. Like your grandmother making the pasta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That thing that she's actually doing it. Yeah. That action. It changes it.

It changes her relation to it, the relation that she has in feeding somebody else. Yeah, for sure. It's something deep about that. Yeah. And there's something cool too about ethnic food that comes from the people that are the actual immigrants themselves. Yeah. And they brought this food over. I mean, my grandparents came over here when they were young.

It's not like they were actually driving the boat. Yeah. They were just kids once they got to America. But they carried with them this like the connection to the immigrants. Yeah. The ones who actually decided they were going to take their babies and get on a boat and go across the ocean with no job prospects. Not really sure what was going to happen. Never been in the place before.

Didn't even have a picture of it probably. Your first trip is I'm moving there. How crazy is that? Fuck. And then, and you've got kids. So they came over, they were young kids. And you've got kids. So they came over. They were young kids. Yeah.

Both my grandparents. Yeah, mine too. Same thing. Crazy. Same thing. Imagine being you if you had no job prospects and you had two young children and you go, okay, this is what we're going to do. We're going to put everybody in a boat.

Yeah. And we're going to go to the other side of the planet because I heard there's jobs there. Yeah. No. No kidding. there. Yeah. No, no kidding when Please fuck. How about the people that are just walking with their kids just walking just going towards something else I mean the desperation of people to be in that spot. Oh, yeah. Well, how about people before houses? You can lock them in the house because you haven't invented houses yet.

Like, shit. Yeah. A whole different level. The hardships that other human beings have faced. No, I know. It makes our hardships seem so trivial. And I think that's part of the problem that people are saying, like, hey, yeah, this isn't great, right? This pandemic is not good for anybody.

But I don't know if you guys are handling it the way I would handle it. And I don't know if you should be able to tell me how I can handle it. I don't know if this is logical anymore. Yeah, yeah. That we have to accept these hard times and we have to figure out another way to do

other than just standing still and waiting for it to go away. Yeah, yeah, it's very strange. Because our society is kind of in place standing still. No. And think about how short it's been that we've had to figure it out. I mean, this is- Real quick.

March, April, May, three months of like trying to figure out what the, how real the threat is and what we're going to do with it. I mean, it's- Dude, I was driving down the street today and I saw this lady walk across the street with a mask on and I was like,, yeah, there's a pandemic going on. You know what I'm saying? I know. For a moment, I got so used to how weird everything is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I forgot. And then I see this lady walking across the street. I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're in the middle of that. This is happening. Yeah.

This is going to be one of those things where we look back. That's the moment where I realized that life doesn't follow a pattern like the movies. That life is just weirdly random. And sometimes you find out that the people that are in charge of making the decisions for everybody else are no better at it than you or I. They just have the job of doing it. Making it up as they go along. Right. I know.

Can you imagine if it was up to you? No. Hey, Tom Papa, you're a funny guy why don't you tell us uh how we should restart the economy yeah right exactly yeah and one of your decisions people are going to be dying on your watch regardless of which way you go and we're going to blame you yeah and you're going to be blamed for it no you see that lady i don't envy them at all do you see that lady who got into it with Trump? No. This reporter, first of all, she was asking a question with a mask on, which was like,

settle down. That's so crazy. But he didn't have a mask on. And she took it off when she got mad. She did? Yeah, play it. She took it off when she got mad. So this is what happened. She was saying,

why are you bragging about how many Americans have been tested and that the United States tests more people than anybody when 80,000 people have died? Like, why is this a competition for you? And so he says, he said that you should ask China. He said people are dying everywhere. If you want to ask someone about that, you should ask China. He said people are dying everywhere. If you want to ask someone about that, you should ask China. And she says, why did you say that specifically to me? Because she's Asian.

Oh. And then he goes, thank you. Next question to someone else. And then this lady steps in, and was gonna she was like i have a question she's and then she wanted to let her talk like i was going to give her question to that lady so she'd ask again this is something that reporters are doing now right it's adorable the president says next person and he goes sir he goes yes you he goes i'd like to give my colleague this question and then they give it back to her so the reporters are forcing him to ask questions

in a really sneaky way. And it seems like they're all in on it. So when one of them has some sort of a contentious exchange with the president, and the president says, next. So they say, sir, over here, he goes, you. He goes, I'd like to give this question to my colleague. I'm giving it back to Bob. It's some crazy keep away game they're playing. And she goes, why are you saying that specifically to me? You know, because she's Asian. And he goes, I'm not saying it specifically to anybody. I'm just saying you should ask China.

Right. It's kind of crazy. Like, watch this. The U.S. is doing far better than any other country when it comes to testing. Yes. Why does that matter? Why is this a global competition to you if every day Americans are still losing their lives and we're still seeing more cases every day? Well, they're losing their lives everywhere in the

world and maybe that's a question you should ask China. Don't ask me, ask China that question, okay? When you ask them that question, you may get a very unusual answer. Yes, behind you, please. Hold on, here it goes. Watch what she gets mad. Mask off. The Press Sir, why are you saying that to me, specifically? That I should ask China? The President I'm telling you, I'm not saying it specifically to anybody. I'm saying it to anybody that would ask a nasty question like that.

The Press That's not a nasty question. The President Please go ahead. The Press Why does it matter when I ask you? The President Okay. Anybody else? Please, go ahead. The Press Watch. The President Watch. The Press I have two questions. The President No, it's okay. We'll go over here.

The Press But you pointed to me. I have two questions, Mr. President. Next. Next, please. You called on me. I did, and you didn't respond, and now I'm calling on the young lady in the back. Please. I just wanted to let my colleague finish, but can I ask you a question? Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.

I just want to let my colleague finish. Thank you very much. They know how to do this. They have this little sneaky move. They've done it before. It's's pretty interesting they've come up with ways to uh to deal with get around the angry substitute teacher so strange to see a guy who's the president regardless of whether or not you think he's handling anything

well it's so strange to see that like that's such he's supposed to be the media guy right right he's supposed to be the guy that's like savvy the savvy television performer guy right to handle that that poorly yeah i know i don't understand why it would take so little for him to have every his numbers would be through the roof but this is what happens they're they're playing a game right and they just won that hand because the game is talk condescending to you right why is it a competition to you when all these people are dying right and he said people are dying all over the world if you want to know why you should ask china that's a good answer it is to a question that's a gotcha question but then she makes it racial i I know. Because it wasn't necessarily racial. He didn't come in with a hard cha.

He did. China. But he does that. China. But that's still not racist. I know. So if he was talking to a white man and the white man said that to him and he said, you should ask China. Sure.

He would say the same thing. Yes. It's just the worst case scenario that that question gets asked by a lady with a mask on who's asian and then she gets mad and she takes the mask off let motherfuckers know she's not even playing by the rules anymore yeah are you racist you know it is a uh it is a beehive of an environment there it is but it's also i don't know if that's helping anybody like to chastise him and to get him riled up. And I don't think it's helping anybody the way he's biting. No.

I mean, it's a complete breakdown of what that used to be. Yeah, it's not what it used to be. It's like this weird gotcha competition and then him getting pissy. The fact that he stormed off like that. It's a TV show. We're watching a TV show. We're not watching the adult telling us if it's a tv show it's we're watching a tv show we're not watching the the adult telling us if it's going to be okay you're so right and during a pandemic that is

the worst time for some shit like that it's the worst i just you just want some consolidation of real information just tell me how to feel dude i remember after 9-11 people hated bush they thought he was really dumb and he couldn't spell. And then that was Dan Quayle. But that was his insurance policy, right? Dan Quayle was so boring. No, but people hated Bush going into that. They hated him. Hated him.

But then after 9-11, he had some speeches that made even people that I knew that were hardcore liberals like, all right, I love this guy. I love what he's doing. It's a moment when you rally. Yeah. But he really rose to the occasion too yeah george bush after 9-11 he gave people a sense of comfort that's right that's what you want you see people craving it we're craving it that's why when that's why when cuomo and newsom speak and they

just give you reassuring yeah very very controlled this isn't a people gravitate you're just like okay you just want to hear that you just want to Giuliani was the same way after 9-11 it was like okay you're making me feel better that made Giuliani's reputation the way he handled it like like a leader 100% yeah it's um you don't you don't pit people against each other in a tragedy and it's unfortunate that he can't see that and he keeps getting caught. It's like, you know what it's like? It's like he's boxing with someone who's piecing him up. Like these things keep happening.

So he keeps having these exchanges where there's like heated exchanges and words get said. It's bizarre. It's really strange. Well, the last one was the one where he went off the fucking script where he's talking about therapies. Maybe we could uh get some disinfection it kills it in a minute and the light a cleansing you see the woman next to it just like

her eyes coming out of her head she's taking deep breaths so she doesn't pass out in the middle of it she was like holy so then after that he responds that you know he was sarcastic yeah the reporters asking me say sarcastic he should have said, I'm not a doctor. This is just an idea, because that's really what it was. It was like, I might have done that on a podcast if I was, I'd have to be drunk. You'd have to be drunk. You'd have to be out of your mind. I've never seen you smoke that much weed. I could get there. I could get there if you leave me alone long enough. I'll say something that dumb. I've said the dumbest shit of my life on this podcast, hi.

Not that hi. But here's the thing that came out of it, which is really fascinating. There was an actual publicly traded biotech company that came up with an idea to get, when in intubated people, to get a ultraviolet light tube down through that into the lungs and illuminate, because using ultraviolet light, you can kill bacteria. Right. You can kill viruses. And that's one of the reasons why they have those things like SteriPens where you go backpacking.

You can get some water out of a creek and you just use this ultraviolet light. It kills everything inside that water. So they actually had this bio company, publicly traded company, put out this video on how this can be done. Well, their account was banned from Twitter. Oh, really? Is it a real company? Yes, it's a real company.

And they let them back eventually. Yeah. But this is how toxic this relationship with the president is. Right. Where the president says something on TV. Yeah. And then people go, what the fuck did you say? Get light into people?

And then this publicly traded biotech company is like, actually, we've already been working on that. And this is the concept. And this is the science behind it because UV light kills bad. Fuck you. You're banned. They banned them. They banned a biotech company from Twitter.

Now, they brought them back once it was explained to them. Yeah. But any other time in history, like say if this was going on 10 years ago and there was a virus and the virus is infecting people's respiratory systems. And someone said, while these people are being intubated, we can actually stick a light through the same tube that the ventilator uses and will illuminate the lungs. We could actually probably kill a good deal of this bacteria. People are like,

Oh, medical breakthrough. Right. And this, but you've had a complete disintegration, right? It's a bit of a, that's the result of a breakdown.

And that's, what's been so, that's why it doesn't work in communist countries. Like you can't trust the source for your information. Right. That's what we're at in a democracy where no one can trust the source. We're all scrambling like, does this one know? Does this one know?

Does this one know? But it's a direct result of his toxic relationship with the press. Yes. Because people who are with him are so with him and people who are against him are so against him and it's almost like people with him part of the reason why they're with him

is because they're so against all these other fucking whiny bitchy liberal people that fucking that size is so annoying I'm going with Trump he tells them to fuck off

that's my favorite part right he makes them he makes those people angry yeah yeah no 100% it's a terrible relationship

it's so it's bad for everybody it's awful because if at any moment we should be uniting and taking care of each other, it's now. It could make a big difference to us because it's like- Huge difference. If someone could get on television and come up with something that was not just comforting,

but actually accurate and- And useful. Yeah. Give us something to do. Yes. Tell us what to do. Yes. And if we could all act as one for the good of the country, we would come out of this stronger, better, ready to go.

Because we always, our whole life, we grew up thinking we're Americans. We can do anything. We can do it. Just give us a challenge. We can do it. And to now have this breakdown like, no, we're split apart and doing separate things. Not only that, it's the only time in people's lives where things are failing, businesses are failing, and they did everything right. Right.

I know. They did all the right things. Right. Working hard, doing the thing, busting ass. They were smart. They saved their money. They invested. They got a thing going.

It's getting going. And we got a successful business. They developed a great relationship in the community. And then shut down for months. Rent's piling up. No one's getting paid. Your mortgage is due. Your car payment's due.

Your credit cards are due. You got to buy food. Fuck. And you see how quick that goes away. So quick. So when you hear shit like stay at home until July, fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you.

You can't just say that. No, you can't just say that. Well, I think it's from a healthcare person who's making the suggestion, but I think the... It's not the right decision. There's other options. I think a better option is quarantining the people that are sick. I don't know if that's... I don't know if that's possible because I'm a moron, and I just talk

on podcasts. Sounds good to me. But I think it's not even my idea. It's an idea that everybody's had. A lot of people have had. Many, many people have suggested it. If you're really vulnerable, don't go. If you've got a bad knee, you don't get to me. But I think it's not even my idea. It's an idea that everybody's had. A lot of people have had. Many, many people have suggested it. If you're really vulnerable, don't go. If you've got a bad knee, you don't get to ski. It's true. Right?

It's true. Yeah. It's true. We'll be all right, Joe. We're going to be okay. We better be, Tom Papa. We're going to be all right. I'm getting bored.

I know. Me too. I can't wait. Oh, I can't wait to be walking into the walking into the club seeing you in the back hearing the crowd out front all that energy looking forward to a lot of things Musso and Franks

I'm looking forward to not feeling bad not about me, not at all about seeing all these stories I was reading this guy's Twitter page, this Jiu Jitsu guy that I follow and there's this lady who owns this gym. It's Tom DeBlass, T-O-M-D-E-B-L-A-S-S. On his Instagram, he had photos of this lady crying because her gym is going under and this gym that she's had for 10 years.

Right. And that they can't survive it yeah and so you see shit like that and you're like this is another example like someone who didn't do anything wrong i know and then all their hard work just goes away this is the lady it's horrible yeah that's terrible it's horrible i know what is the show rally she's motivated she could build that business she'll be back back. Ironside Fitness Gym. She can do it. She'll go into personal training.

Yeah, see at the bottom if you can find that Ironside. What is the Instagram account? It's not? You didn't tag it? Yeah. Well, I don't know where that is. I think he's a Jersey guy. Yeah.

Fuck, man. Yeah, I know. Just that kind of shit. I know know let's get out of this already of course the people that have lost their lives that's way worse of course of course it's way worse when no one's saying it's not but this is this is fucking sad too man yeah sad that people build up these incredible communities they build up this relationship with their customers and with the the people around them and then it all goes away. Yeah.

No, it's brutal. I know. It's hard. From China. China. All because of China. Ask them. Just turn down the cha.

What bad luck he got that that lady was Asian. If she said that, if he was talking to anyone else, and they said that, they wouldn't be able to say, why are you saying that specifically to me yeah right like if it was a black man asking her that question or asking him that question why are you asking china why are you saying that specifically to me she pulls the mask down why to me oh no i know and also she's like yelling with no mask on now. Yeah. Like, you're violating all the rules.

You can't just get mad. Like, fuck everybody. You're going to die. Yeah. God. Spray her. The worst. Virus breath everywhere.

Horrible environment. What for him, man? He must be like, I can't win. Horrible environment. All I did in my life is win. Win, win, win, win, win. Yeah. Rappers used to put me in their songs.

When he came out and talked about the ratings that he was getting off of these, it was just like, all right, I'm not, I can't. He said the ratings were higher than the season final of The Bachelor. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? That's when I was like, this is not real. What are you talking? This can't be real. What are you thinking?

This can't be real. Yeah. It's so crazy. That's the opposite of what we're saying George Bush did after 9-11. Right. Rally. Yes. Be a leader. That's what leadership is. Say something that makes you get inspired. Ronald Reagan was the best

at that shit, man. Oh, yeah. Just rally you. You made you feel like, oh, we can do it. Yeah. We can do anything. Before people hated him, they didn't hate him really until like his second term term though, right? Yeah. By the end, people were really mad at him. Parts of the country always disliked him.

If you were poor, if you were a minority, you were never a fan. But he would give a speech. Yeah. Oh, man. With a powerful voice. He was an actor. Yeah. He was an actor.

He's a reality shit-stirrer. That's what those, right? That's what reality stars are. They stir shit up. Right. Reagan was an actor. He could give you the big monologue. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a difference. Do you remember when he's, I don't know if you ever saw this, but he was addressing the United Nations and he was talking about how quickly we would all join together if we were faced with a force from outside this world. Right. Yeah. It's crazy speech.

Yeah. Because all the UFO people went nuts. He knows. He fucking knows. Right. It's a great speech though. Yeah. Because it's true.

Yeah. It's true. Like we would realize all our differences are bullshit. Right. If aliens had invaded us, we would all unite as human beings. Right. That's what's weird about this. Like, you could kind of have that moment now.

Yes, exactly. That's why I brought it up. Yeah. You have it. Someone could say that. We need to unite. Yeah. Someone could say.

This is us. But they have to say it in a way. People of planet Earth. It can't be self-congratulatory. Not at all. You take yourself out of it. But he does too much of that. You put it in the power of the people you're talking to. That's the technique. But imagine being him where

your whole life you've gotten ahead because you're self-congratulatory. But that's his whole thing. Yeah. That's his whole thing. His whole thing is just letting everybody know you're the shit. Then all of a sudden you can't do that anymore. Like how much can you make an adjustment in your seventies while you're the president and you have you make an adjustment in your 70s while you're the president? And you have to make an adjustment and be someone who you've never been. All of a sudden, you're not the shit. Yeah. You can't even say you're the shit.

No. What a terrible job. So awful. I'd much rather be a comedian. Or you'd much rather be publishing. Tom Popper, you're doing great. It's available now everywhere. Audiobook available now everywhere as well. Yeah, audiobook too, for sure.

Yeah. Thanks for writing the blurb. And other reasons to stay alive. My pleasure, brother. Yeah, really cool. Thanks for the bread. I appreciate you always. And have to come out on the podcast.

Yes, we'll do it. Teach me your ways. Breaking bread, baby. Wizard bread making. And where's the podcast available, the Breaking Bread? Wherever your podcasts are available, wherever you get them. Visual as well. On YouTube, yeah. YouTube, okay youtube yeah me and sagora are do the first one together and uh it was really great he told all these great stories about his his grandmother making

all of his mom making all these sweets and i'm telling you just once you start talking about food we'll have to talk more about your grandma we'll do it for sure all right i love you buddy you're the best love you too bye everybody so good really good