The Joe Rogan Experience - #1481 - Adam Eget

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

Adam Eget is the talent coordinator at The Comedy Store and is also the sidekick on Norm MacDonald's show "Norm MacDonald Has A Show" on Netflix.

duh duh duh adam motherfucking eget how are you brother good to see you my friend good to see you thanks for having me on please i'm excited to see you dude i haven't seen anybody i know it's like you're a long lost friend like it feels that way yeah but it also feels like you're literally like the only person i've seen oh you haven't left the house? Not much. I go out on daily walks. Oh, no. That's not good for the mental health. It's not good at all. How are you feeling?

You all right? Yeah, I'm okay. I'm watching a lot of Korean baseball. Why Korean baseball? Because it's the only live sport available. Oh, they're playing in Korea already? Oh, it's wild. The stadiums are empty, but they have cardboard cutouts.

Oh, no, they don't. Cheerleaders with masks. Really? It's hilarious. Oh, wow. But it's great. It's fun. That's so weird.

Yeah. So they use cardboard cutouts in the audience? Yeah. Oh, that's so- Just in like the front where the cameras are behind home plate. Oh, that's too strange. Oh, it's hilarious. I think I saw that in a movie once.

There was a baseball movie, and you could clearly see that there was cutouts Because have you ever seen what happens when they take old movies and then they poured them over to like blu-ray now? Oh one of the best example is Aliens the second that's my favorite action movie of all great fucking movie. It's a great fucking movie I don't think it's as good a horror movie as the original one. It's not a horror movie the first one's a horror movie. Yeah, it's James Cameron. It's just fucking guns blazing It doesn't stop never stops the most adrenaline fueled movie I've ever seen from beginning in it just keeps Progressively getting more intense and more intense and you know, what's great about those movies The hero is a woman and no one gives a fuck because they're so good. There's no there's no like oh, yeah

It's a diverse movie. It's amazing for women No, yeah, no, it's just Sigourney Weaver being a fucking badass Fighting the most evil monster movies have ever created. Yep. Fuck. Yeah That's the best. Yeah Yep, fuck. Yeah, that's the best Yeah, I love that kind of like gender equality when it's just equal because it's awesome And nobody even brings it up exactly Linda Hamilton and yeah later to it's like are you fucking kidding me? You don't need to bring it up doing chin up You see her fucking back

It's amazing amazing that's what I like I like you watch Ozark no I tried I watched the first four episodes and then I didn't okay so get back into two scariest bitches are women the two scariest ladies in the show okay there's two scariest people in the show are two women not laura linney no no but she's fucking great too she's great and everything's scary too oh is she she's kind of scary too the decisions they're willing to make that's funny here's linda hamilton doing chin-up fucking rough this is pre-crossfit bitches there was no crossfit back then she's a goddamn pioneer she's like i'm not gonna fucking die in first one, I had a huge crush on her. And in the second one, she terrified me.

She was so fucking awesome. She's fierce. Well, she became more fierce, right? She adapted to the world of the Terminators, which doesn't seem that far off from where we're at right now. Not at all. We're like closing in on Terminator time. Oh, definitely. Dude, there's a fucking article I was reading today about a bionic eye that will be available in five years

that will be superior to a biological eye. That's insane. Insane. Within five years. And I was going to send it to Michael Bisping. Yeah, that's like, how do they even make Black Mirror anymore? We're already surpassed. That's what the Black Mirror guy said.

He's like, I'm not even doing the season. I can't do it. The world's too absurd. Yeah, but Michael Bisping. He's a former UFC middleweight champion He's from like Manchester. Yes His one eye is Rick super fucked up He's had several detached retinas to the point where it's basically blind He'd be barely can see anything out of one eye from fighting from fire. He's a beast Yeah, bionic eye could offer perfect sight night vision within five years motherfucker This is how they're gonna get us man between Elon Musk and these eyeball people you're gonna be half human

Half human in five years This is five years cuz five fucking years from now They're gonna have a human eye that you could, like, if you lose your eye, like Dan Crenshaw, he's going to be the first president with a bionic eye. He's going to have a bionic eye. He's going to have a fucking artificial super eye. That's insane. Well, wait, what happened with the cardboard cutouts? You said when they transferred to Blu-ray.

Yeah, that's marijuana talking for you. We went from Korean baseball to bionic Eye in like two minutes. So this is the cutouts. They're showing us the cutouts in Korean baseball. Oh, wait. In soccer, they got in trouble because they used the sex dolls. Oh, that's not good. First of all, if this was in America, everybody would be triggered because it's all white

lettering on red. Like, no! MAGA! They's all white lettering on red. Like, no! MAGA! They're MAGA-ing! They have robot drummers. It's wild. It's like the XFL, but baseball in Korea.

Seems very strange. It's hilarious. So anyway, I watched Aliens on Blu-ray. Okay. And it's so terrible. Why? Not the movie itself. Yeah. And it's so terrible.

Why? Not the movie itself. Yeah. But there's one scene where the spaceship is in the foreground and in the background it's supposed to be like, you know, some space type shit. Sure. Right? It looks so bad because it was just a painting. Right.

It's a matte painting. Yeah. And because the way they were focusing, you barely could see it. So it's fine in the film when he was watching it in low def on his monitors, he's like, perfect, looks great. But in high def, it looks so fake. That makes so much sense. They created it based on the technology available at the time. Yeah, you shouldn't watch those movies enhanced.

They should just keep them at the original resolution. It's really kind of stupid to do that because there's stuff they made decisions, man. Back when special effects weren't the same thing stuff they made decisions man back when special effects weren't the same thing they made decisions exactly and they were good decisions yeah it's hard to watch some of those in high def it really like ruining the movie yeah it takes you out of the whole thing yeah it does it's there's there's something about also like there's something about when they colorize the gone with the wind oh yeah stuff like hey what are you doing you're not supposed to do that i know you don't have to yeah

It's ridiculous like color eyes Schindler's List. It's like what are you doing? Yeah? It's like you forgot what color addresses you forgot what a red dress looks like bitch. I know what a dress looks like I'm this is a time capsule Exactly Yeah, that's why light zones. That's what's my favorite television show of all time. I've seen every episode at least five times. I would agree with you, and specifically because the fact that it came first, but I put Black Mirror in that league.

Black Mirror was so good. It's so good. Do you have a favorite Black Mirror episode? Yes. The one that you and I watched when we were getting NAD'd, the museum. Black Museum. Oh nad uh the museum black oh that was a fucking that was horrific terrifying damn that was good so good that and crocodile crocodile was very underrated very that was a great terrifying terrifying because you could see like a good

person making these choices and these choices accelerate to the point where it's great oh yeah that's such a good yeah that was a great one I loved I loved the Star Trek one I know so well done very good very creepy man oh very very possible right like if all of it if there's the Trump one there's so many they had the it was a bad episode but it was it came true it basically I didn't see the Trump one it was like Waldo it was like this puppet it basically i didn't see the trump one it was like waldo it was like this puppet it was like this cartoon there was like this mascot who became president and he was just saying all this outlandish like i haven't seen them all i haven't seen them

he hardly even the problem is he said outlandish shit over the course of x amount of years and if you like dissect it it's like he's just spouting it out all day long The way they do it is they take you out of context and then they change what you are, right? Because if you're a guy like Trump who does say ridiculous shit sometimes particularly before he was ever president Oh, yeah, but a lot of people do you know, it's it's called talking shit Yeah, and so what a lot of people do right you can't do that if you ever plan on being president But if you just take all of those talking shit moments and condense them together and go this is him You're like, oh my god. This is a monster, but nobody's like that all day

people Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there is someone you know sometimes the the internet really does does some great work and yesterday I saw somebody splice together that great sound bite of him suggesting that they inject humans with Clorox. Lysol. Yeah, Lysol. I'm not a scientist, but maybe we can do that. And then there's this great clip with Jim Downey and Billy Madison. I don't know if you remember that movie real well.

Yes, I saw that really recently. So funny. So he's talking all this shit about maybe we can inject it into people. I'm not a scientist, but I don't know, maybe something there. And then it cuts to Jim Downey and he's like, he's like, nowhere in your incoherent ramblings have you said anything that makes any sort of sense. I award you. Everyone in this room is now infinitely dumber for having listened to it.

I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul. It was well done. That's one of those beautiful videos that people will post up as a response to things. And it's just like you can't say shit when someone says that. They had a great one with Hannah Gadsby cut with like audience. I guess I shouldn't talk about that. Oh, I know what you're talking about. The Apollo.

Night at the Apollo. Yeah, whoops Yeah, that one that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah that videos hilarious Yeah, man, I missed the Comedy Store too before people don't know like who's this Adam guy you you are The man who got me to come back to the Comedy Store you came to the improv mean I appreciate that true It was my goal. There was two things that happened. The first one was you coming to the improv and talking to me and explaining to me things are different and all the old people. We know each other for a long time. Well, we knew each other from Tempe.

Yeah. And then the second thing that got me to do it was Ari when Ari was having a special there. Dude, that was the hardest I ever worked. To get them to green light that special, it was so important to me because we love Ari to death. Ari is, to me, I mean, I've known Ari since he was a doorman at the comedy store. We became friends when he was a doorman.

He was just starting out. And to see him go from being a doorman to filming his special at the comedy store, I was like, I have to be there. Even if I have to swallow my pride, I have to be there. So he was filming on a Wednesday, so I went on Tuesday, just so it wouldn't shock my system and I could just appreciate his filming. Nice.

So I came down Tuesday and it was Roast Battle, and I was like, holy shit. And Jeff Ross gave me this crazy introduction was Roast Battle and I was like holy shit and Jeff Ross gave me this crazy introduction at Roast Battle and you know that I was the first time I was at the comedy store in seven years and you know and then I was seeing how creative everybody was like the Roast Battle thing was so so different

because it's obviously like jokes that these guys had to write about each other so it's like it forces you into writing jokes it takes away the one thing that fucks most comedians Is that they don't write? So when you're forced into a battle like you're gonna have to do battle next Tuesday with this girl and this girl's vicious like you Gotta come up with some mean shit to say about her really funny, and she's writing some shit Yeah, you already know that she's gonna have some shit.'s not my style I don't do comedy like that it's a different muscle yeah

it's a different it's a different just a different I'm too mean in real life like I don't want to turn that on for comedy I don't like that part of me I like to keep that part locked away so but I when people get real mean and nasty with each other like Jesus I get makes me uncomfortable but laugh at the same time but it's just not a I don't have that thing in me. I'm not interested in that. But that style is – even though it's brutal, it's everyone agrees. Like everyone knows what they're doing to each other.

And then I love how Brian has everybody hug it out. It's great. It's amazing. It is great. He's the perfect host for it too. He's so friendly. He's just so likable. He's charismatic.

Yeah, he is the perfect host for that. Yeah, and it's just like the whole thing was when I was there, I was like, man, this is just so different. It's a wildly different club. When the old talent coordinator left, it was like it was just a complete 180. Everything just started you were the catalyst for the truly great years that we've we we were able to experience before this this this epidemic but or pandemic uh but uh it was uh you could see everything starting to shift a little bit with roast battle and and then when tommy left it was like the floodgates open we were able to

get rid of some of the old blood and some of the people that were weighing the lineups down but you coming back was everything i mean that was so baffling to me when i first came to the comedy store about 10 years ago because i remember hearing about the mensia beef and everything and then i'm like where what happened and when i I heard about what happened, I was like, how is this allowed? How did this happen? So I knew when I took over, I was like, I don't care what I have to do. And you made the decision all on your own. All I did was say, hey, give it a shot.

Come down at least just for a visit. It seemed like a different world back then. It was just a different world. And then You know, it's just a different world. And then, you know, after the old guard was kicked out, it was like an exorcism. Like the moment I came back to the place, I was like, this is a different place. It's not even the old Comedy Store because in the 70 years, it had kind of gone through a new rebirth. You know, I think that place goes through cycles. When I came there in the 90s, it was dog shit.

It was terrible. Tell me about it. What was it came there in the 90s, it was dog shit. It was terrible. Tell me about it. What was it like? Oh, my God. It was terrible. It was terrible, except for when the greats would show up. Like, every now and then, like, Martin Lawrence would show up. Every now and then, Damon Wayans would show up.

In their prime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In their prime. Murderers. Dude, I've never bombed harder in my life than following Marlon. Excuse me. Following Martin or following Damon. Following either one of them. Or Marlon.

Shit. Or Tommy Davidson back then. Oh, he was great. Oh my God, dude. Dude, Tommy Davidson used to murder. Everybody murdered. But there was only like a few. And they wouldn't come that often.

So it was like when Martin would come the main room would be flooded with people just pawing out into the hallways like people forgot how big Martin Lawrence was in those days this is the leather jumpsuit days sure the you so crazy days yeah bro he was on top of the world yeah he was king of the world for sure he was on top of the world like people forgot they forgot how hard he murdered, too. He was so good. The hardest decision I ever had to make was one day Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock showed up at the same exact time, and they both wanted to go up. And I had to decide who was going to go on. Oh, my God.

That was a tough one. How long ago was this? This was about a year ago. Yeah. A year and a half ago. That's a hard one, you know? Yeah. But they should work that out.

Yeah, right? That shouldn't be me. That's too hard for you. Yeah, that was a tough one. There's two of them. I mean, I would go, go ahead, man. I'll go after you. I don't want you to do it.

Exactly. Yeah. I don't want any beef. And with those two guys, they're both legends. You know? They're both legends. When I used to follow Martin Lawrence lawrence man i i got i developed like this ability to accept the fact that i was going to eat shit and not be so scared because

i had gotten beaten down a bunch of times by those crowds and that was the brilliance of of mitzi she knew that you know it was a tough spot you know she just put me on after martin lawrence every time, dude. If she was on the lineup, it'd be like Martin Lawrence, he'd do 45 minutes, and then it'd be Joe Rogan. I'm like, death. You ever seen that video online where there's these Nigerian guys or these African guys, rather, and it's at a funeral?

And when the music starts playing, they go to these guys, and then there's a guy getting knocked out. And then when the guy gets knocked out, like, you go back to the guys dancing with the coffin. It's a funny meme in MMA circles. You know what I'm talking about? I just saw, I think Donald Trump's account posted it

with a clip of Biden saying that stuff to Charlamagne. Oh, no. There's the Biden account going into the coffin. Oh, please, please see if you can find that. Please see if you can find that. Who posted it? Donald Trump himself? I think it was on Donald Trump's Snapchat So whoever's controlling that So that's you in the coffin every time

You had to do a set after Mars I would eat shit And everybody would leave I love that about Mitzi She would do that And if you ever once said anything about having to do it She would put you on ten times more right after the same Oh, she put you on at one in the morning people like oh you don't want that spot

Okay, I'll put you on at one in the morning you fuck I love she would yell at you too and people that have beef she would always put you one after the other People that were dating and break up. Yep. I love that about her fucking love that what a legend That's how you treat it as a real gym because that's where you would get that real workout in is the emotional pangs. But it's also like as a comic, you've got to learn how to come out of the gate. When people don't know who you are and you have a lot to prove and you're going on after someone who is a legend. So it's like you have to develop that ability to follow those folks because in a normal club, you would get a chance, right? You'd go on stage.

It'd be easy. No one killed before you. It's just easy. You stroll out there. How's everybody doing? Good-looking crowd. Let me tell you something about my day, and you could kind of go into it, like, you know, ease into it. But after Martin Lawrence crushes, bro, you got to come with some strong shit right out of the gate.

There's only, like, 25 people going to stay no matter what you do. Exactly. No matter what you do. I would watch masses of people just lift off their chairs and leave the room. Just no one stayed. Yeah, and I'll bet 50% of your set is just resetting the room. I mean, how do you even? Good God, the first five minutes is.

You learn how to eat shit. This is Donald Trump. This is actually Donald Trump's Snapchat. And he put this. These guys right here. This is actually Donald Trump's Snapchat. And he put this. These guys right here. And it comes with this fucking music. There's so many knockouts. Here it is.

You got more questions. But I tell you, if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black. And it's them carrying a coffin. This is Biden for president on the coffin the president tweeted that yes of course he did look dude he knows how to use the internet man and his son knows how to use the internet donald trump jr they use him for all the wild shit when they need to post something really wild they go to don jr's instagram. That's fucking great. Listen, man. They're playing dirty. Everybody's playing dirty. Yeah.

The world's playing dirty. They're all pretending you're someone who's not, lying about this. No one's going to be honest. It's just about creating impressions and memes and getting these short attention span motherfuckers to hold on to a narrative as hard as possible. Russia.

Russia game. Russia, whatever it is. Ask people, they're upset. They don't even know what happened. That's 90% of the people out there, man. We live in the, and now it's going to be even weirder because everybody's going to be so stressed out because the economy's in the shit. Yeah.

And it's not going to get out of there any quick, anytime soon. It's going to take some time. What's going to happen? I mean, this is like, is this going to be class war? Because the people that can afford to stay home, they want everyone to go out and get the economy going. Like, they're super rich.

They don't give a fuck about people dying. They can stay in their mansions. There's that aspect of it. There's also the, those are the ones that I don't think are looking at it correctly in terms of like the actual danger of the Virus, but then there's other people that are like hey, I don't want to lose my business Yeah, why don't you restart the economy so I could take a chance. I'd rather take a fucking chance. I'm losing everything I'm ninety nine point nine nine nine nine nine nine nine percent sure I'm gonna fucking survive this right, you know

And I'm gonna I'm gonna know it's coming I'm gonna take a lot of vitamins like let me do what I have to do. And let's quarantine the people that are in danger. Let's quarantine old people. Let's keep them away until it goes away. Yeah, that's reason. Let's quarantine sick people. And this is what we need to do.

This is what needs to be done, not lock the whole fucking country down. And once they do that, man, they don't want to undo that. I don't know when reason left the world, but in so many different aspects of the world. Is that what it was? Twitter? I mean, there's just no reason almost anywhere. Well, I think the reason is to save lives. It's just not. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't work right. Because you're losing lives.

With everything. Dude, there's an article that can't find out if this is true. There's an article that I was reading in the Washington Examiner. One of those is a weird newspaper. And it's one of those ones like, what kind of, is this a bias? Like, what is the bias of the Washington Examiner? But it's basically saying that there's more people dead from suicide in Northern California

than there were from coronavirus deaths. Oh, during the lockdown. Because people are fully in despair. They're losing everything. They're going bankrupt. And they don't see any way out of it. Well, if it wasn't for Korean baseball, I would be fucking blowing my fucking head off. I've watched so many movies.

Yeah, I mean. I've watched everything. Just everything. Everything. Not really everything. I still haven't seen the new Adam Sandler movie, the Diamond movie. It's supposed to be uncut gems. Oh, that was my favorite.

That and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood were my two favorites that year. I have two young girls, and I can't really watch fucked up movies with them. Sure. So I got yelled at for watching Alien with one of them. The first or second? The first one. I could... Well... Yeah, maybe. Maybe the first or second? The first one. I could, well, yeah, maybe.

Maybe the first with John Hurt. I was like, come on. I'd watch it. My mother had me watch those movies when I was really little. Like, she watched scary movies with me. Oh, the first scary movie I ever saw was The Shining. So it is a true statistic. Bay Area doctors seeing more suicides during coronavirus stay-at-home order.

It's at one hospital, though. Oh. So they reported it and said it's the whole area. See? Good for you, Jamie. That's real news. That's real news, folks. That's how you're supposed to do it.

You're not supposed to lie and read the statistic all fucked up. Right. You know? Sometimes people do things like that, and you're like, oh, you can't do that. I just saw, I feel like maybe it was something you said. Oh, fuck. I can't remember. There's no weed in this?

No. Okay. Zero. This is just 25 milligrams of CBD and some delicious Kill Cliff mango goodness. Well, then I'm just fucked hearted. It happens, bro. When do you think we'll be able to start up shows again? I'm really hoping in July. Jesus Christ, July.

I feel like I know, but realistically, I think July. What would you think about opening up a comedy store in Austin, Texas? I mean, that would do really well. I think it would do really well. I think it really would. Yeah. I love that town. The conversations I've been having on the phone lately.

I did reconnaissance this weekend. Did you? I flew to Texas. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Do you know Charlie? Do you know the guy who runs South by south by southwest comedy division he'd be a

good guy to talk to probably uh well i just talk to comedians that's great yeah i mean i don't need to talk to anybody but the comics i just feel like um there's a lot of people in austin there's a million people they have two good comedy clubs right now cap city's a great room and then they have the velveta room which i've never done but i hear really good things about and uh i don't know if they have anything else how many i think that's it for every time i've been to south by southwest a couple different times for comedy week and it's just been insane it's a great town yeah i just think there's a real problem with uh first of all, the volume of humans here is unmanageable. And there's a real problem with the government telling us what to do here.

There's things that don't make sense. And here's the best example. They recently decided to open it back up for movies. For movies and television production. Oh, okay. But not for churches. What? Like, wait a minute.

What are you saying? Like, you can't be at a church. How about give a church 25% capacity, just like you would other businesses? And that's what we were talking about. Some reason, balance. Have more than one service in the day. Like, you don't have to just, it doesn't make sense if some things can do their job and you call them essential businesses and some can't. If you're saying that film production is okay, here's a weird one.

You can't have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, but liquor stores are essential businesses. That's insane. It's so fucked up. That's fucking crazy. It's so fucked up. Adam Curry told me that. And when I read it, I was like, oh, no. And there's logic to the essential business part of the liquor store thing.

Because, look, man, people are freaked out. They need something to calm them down. If they can't get any booze at all, shit could get really bad. And the hospitals need the beds. So when people detox off alcohol, it's very dangerous. That's actually how Amy Winehouse died. She died from detoxing from alcohol. It's a hard fucking fall, too.

So they need the hospital beds. They can't have people detoxing while everybody's dying of COVID. Makes sense to me. They deemed it an essential business. But fucking Alcoholics Anonymous, man, you've got to keep that open. You've got to keep that open. I do an Alcoholics Anonymous Zoom call once a week, and most of them are fucking terrible, man. You've got to have that.

That doesn't make sense. That could really help. The same as my kids are going to Zoom school. You've got to be in person. It's not the way to do it. You've got to be in person with people. I'm telling you, That's the fucking worst Oh, have you seen some of the stand-up zooms fuck that? Oh, that is ridiculous

Oh, that's like pretending you're in a swimming race in your living room. I'm swimming. Look come on the floor. I'm swimming But you're not swimming Comedy You're fucking doing something weird man, because you wish you could do comedy. It's so bad. It's so painful to watch. Timing is everything, and it kills the timing. You have no energy, no audience.

It's not stand-up. No, it's not stand-up. Phoenix is holding shows again. Wow. Phoenix has full nightclubs again. Jesus. Yeah. Floyd Mayweather was spotted at this Phoenix nightclub.

No masks on in the whole place. Bumper to bumper with people. Really? Again, balance. I feel like maybe- Let them do it. Let them do it. That's what I say.

Let them do it. Listen, man, this is not what we thought it was going to be. It's not killing people at the rate we thought it was going to. We would have never signed up for this if we thought it was really going to kill 0.1% of the population that catch it. And you realize realize how many people catch and don't even know they had it and then you look at the average age that people are dying from it it's literally older than the average age people die oh well then the whole thing makes no sense no this is not something you should shut the economy down for we thought it was we thought it was going to be a terrible

thing that was going to wreck havoc and they'll point out like individual cases of people that are really young or healthy and something goes wrong with them. A hundred percent. Yeah, that's terrible. But we should just be careful. It doesn't mean we should keep everything shut down. It's rare that these people exist. These young people that get sick that you hear about, this is not normal. Why aren't we reassessing the situation then?

I don't know man i mean they're going to see how how these other cities that have opened up do and and how that goes and then and then reevaluate this is a very conservative state in that regard it means very liberal but it's very conservative in the regard of like how they're approaching this this thing they're doing it very slowly and very deliberately you know i don't i don't agree with it. I just think at a certain point in time, you have to adjust. It is not what we thought it was going to be. We thought there were going to be hundreds of thousands of people dead. In this state, there's only 2,000 people dead.

But people are dying from all kinds of shit all the time. We can't just focus on one thing. Of course. While this is happening, people are dying in this state of tuberculosis, lung cancer, liver cancer. They're dying. So do you think this is a political thing? I don't know, man. To try and keep the economy shitty? No, I don't think so. I don't think

that. I've heard that crazy conspiracy theory. I don't think that. I think it's a matter of first of all, there's a lot of people that are legitimately scared. Yeah. I mean, I talk to kids' parents that don't want the kids going back to school in September. These people are legitimately scared. They think it mean, I talked to kids, parents don't, you know, that, uh, don't want the kids going back to school in September. There's people who are legitimately scared. They think it's going to get worse. Oh my God. If I had kids at home, open it up, open the fucking schools immediately

for children. It's very rare that it's fatal, very rare that it's fatal, but the flu is far more fatal. The flu is far more fatal, fatal. Oh, jeez. And during flu season, we willingly let kids go to school and we don't even think about it. Yeah, right. Yeah, you have to think about it. If you're really worried about children, the flu is far more deadly. Now, this is not dismissing the deadliness of this disease. This is a terrible disease. Michael Yeo got it and he almost died.

But a lot of things happened to Michael Yeo. He flew all the way to fucking New York with no sleep. He did radio. He did all this kinds of shit. He did shows there. No sleep. Flies back and then drives from his house to Vegas and then back with his family in the same day.

Then he has two days of auditions. Plus he's vitamin D deficient. Oh, well, there you go. I was thinking all this. I was like, well, Michael Yeo is a strong guy. He's healthy and vibrant. Like if that guy got sick from it, oh, my God, this is scary. No vitamin D.

Vitamin D deficiency is something that exists in like 70% of the population. 70% of the people in this country are vitamin D deficient. First thing I did when I saw that we were going to be quarantined, I ordered a shit ton of vitamin D online. So I take some every day. I try and go out in the sun every day because, yeah, I don't want this fucking thing. I think I had it. I think I had it in January.

Everybody thinks they had it. I really did. I've never had a cough like this in my life where I was wheezing. I could barely breathe. And the doctors were baffled. They took chest x-rays, had it for three weeks.

But who fucking knows? You might have had it. I thought I had it too. I'm going to do an? You might have had it. I thought I had it too. I'll get an antibody test and figure it out. I thought I had it and didn't even feel it. That makes sense. If there's anybody I can think of that would have it and not be able to feel it, it would be you for sure. No, I'm pretty sensitive to that kind of shit.

Congrats, by the way, on fucking Spotify. Thank you. Holy shit. I know. Crazy, right? So well-deserved, man. Thank you. God damn.

Thank you. Sorry, I didn't want to forget. I know. Crazy, right? So well-deserved, man. Thank you. God damn. Very nice of you. Sorry, I didn't want to forget. No worries. I didn't want to fucking forget. Yeah, dude, I've been ultra paying attention to my health while this is all going on. That's one thing that's helped a lot. You're always paying attention. Yeah, but really.

I'm in the sauna every day, 25 minutes every day, no excuses. Fucking monster. Super regular workout routine, super regular with my vitamins, super regular with everything. Just being really on the ball. Because it made me, you can't take your health for granted. And that's a simple statement that sort of just bounces around a room like a beach ball doesn't mean anything. This puts it in perspective. Yes, this puts it in perspective.

There's no doubt about it. And in the beginning, people were less cunty too. I don't know if you noticed. Yeah. Because they were really worried they were going to die. Yeah. And so things meant something. You know what it reminded me of?

It was like the week after 9-11. Everyone was real friendly with each other. Yes, exactly. Super neighborly. And now it's like I go out in traffic, people are cutting each other off. But it's worse than 9-11 because after 9-11 people went back to normal now they're going to go back from all this niceness they're going to go back to being a cunt and there's no work yeah and then they're angry you

know and you were saying something important earlier you said we could fall into some sort of a class warfare type situation. Yeah, it is terrifying. And I don't think it had to be this way. And I don't think it has to stay this way. And they're talking about not even opening up L.A. until July 4th, 4th of July weekend. Like, hey, man, like, why? This is so arbitrary. And there's no talk whatsoever about strengthening your immune system.

None. Yeah, what the fuck? Like, the most important things are just falling by the waist. Like I don't understand that. Poor government. It's just poor leadership. It's poor leadership. That's what it is. It's leading, only looking at one perspective and that's the perspective that enhances fear. This is wear a mask, wear your gloves, use hand sanitizer, don't touch anything, stay apart from each other. And then the other perspective is get out in the sun. Get your vitamin D.

Drink lots of water. Stop drinking soda. Check your vitamin levels if you can. But give yourself X amount of vitamin C a day, X amount of D. Take zinc. Zinc has been shown to have a very positive effect on people with high zinc levels or sufficient zinc levels that have this virus also have a much better outcome. That's all I take every morning. I take one zinc, one vitamin D and two airborne. But you won't hear any of this shit.

No. That's what's so crazy. I have to look it up. I mean, people fucking, they should be, yeah, they should be pumping this into our fucking bloodstream via the news, but it's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. When Rhonda Patrick was talking about the vitamin D levels in people that are in ICUu it's it's like if you were a scientist you'd be like hold on we found it yeah right wait a minute 86 of the people in the icu are deficient in vitamin d

and then four percent have sufficient levels of vitamin d four percent like that's insane it's 80 something percent versus four percent%. You're like, holy fuck. Holy fuck. I don't understand where the last- Dude, it makes zero sense. It makes zero sense. I wish that we could open the store tomorrow. Yes.

We should be able to open the original room. It started out at 25% capacity. What does it usually fit 150 about yeah just 75 people yeah we can space it out how about just get everybody to sign a waiver right just sign a fucking waiver let's do this i mean and if you if you have a sick mom at home or if you have someone vulnerable at home don't go out to these places you're the one who should make the sacrifice. Shouldn't be the whole world sacrifice.

Exactly. But we can't rely on these fucking assholes. So can you take a temp? Can you? Is that? Yes. They did it in the restaurant I went to in Texas. I went to a real restaurant.

So we'll just get one of those fucking. Shout out to the Lonesome Dove. I ate at this Lonesome Dove restaurant in Austin. They take a fucking thermostat. They put it to your forehead. Right. And they read you. You're like, you're all good.

And then you write on this thing. Have you been in contact with anybody who has COVID? Have you had a fever? Do you have any cold-like symptoms? And as long as you're clear on all that stuff. We should be doing that and call it a day. They wear a mask. They stay away from you.

I mean, mostly, except when you're taking your meal or dropping off your meal. Because we've already gone over the game plan ad nauseum. We know exactly how we're going to do it, how to have access to the bathrooms, social distancing in the room, where the comics can enter the stage so they're not fucking in the thick of it. Yeah. We're ready to go. All we need is the green light.

I don't know. The problem is they're never going to want to give that green light. I mean, they're going to have to give the... I think they're going to give the green light, but I'm worried about... I really feel like early July we'll get a percentage green light for one of the rooms. I really think so. They're going to let you have half the belly room. I think...

No. I think... 30 people. I'll take whatever. I know. I'll take it too. I mean, goddamn. I think, which would be better? 30 people. I'll take whatever. I know, I'll take it too. I mean, goddamn, I never thought I'd miss that place that much. Yeah. Do I miss it bad?

Because eventually, like, it got to a point where I'm like, I just want to fucking hide there because everybody wants something. And I don't, I didn't have shit to give them. Right, right. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And that's a weird position as a talent coordinator for a comedy club where all the best comedians go to.

So it's like everyone who's in town, whether it's Chappelle or Bill Burr, they're all there. They're all there. So there's no spots. And then there's you and Joey Diaz and everybody else and Whitney Cummings and all the A-plus level comics are there every single night when they're in town. And they're in town. And they're in town. Yeah. And then that leaves you, you know, and then from 11 to 12, that's all the Andrew Santino's and the Eric Griffin's and the Fahim Anwar's and all these other beasts that aren't filling fucking arenas. They're still killers.

But they're the next ones up, you know. So if you're some new guy or gal who's coming up the line. Yeah, that leaves like five spots a night at the end of the lineup. And you've got 250 comics calling in every week just that fit into that paradigm. So it's like, sorry, you know, it's nothing personal. Yeah, there's no club like it. No club ever been like it either where there's no shortage of people in the audience. I mean, those years that I from when I came back to when the pandemic hit were the craziest years I've ever seen in stand up comedy at that place by far.

Like a like a whole new dimension, like a whole world had shifted. It's it's been so fucking cool to watch, know and to see that shift there's some comics that are coming up right now some of the the ones that i passed in the last year or two i'm so excited about like this guy uh brian simpson is i you gotta nick when we reopen again i'm telling you this guy's a beast he um segura he opens up for segura now he Oh, nice. He's fantastic. Lara Bytes, who you know, is fantastic. Lara's hilarious. She's a beast. Kreischer and I were in the back of the room watching her on stage.

It was like the end of the night. There's maybe like 20 people or something in the crowd. And more people were in the crowd by the end of her set than were there in the beginning. Because people were coming in because she was slaying. That's so cool. Dude, she was killing us. We had been around all night. We'd been hanging there all night, and it was late, man.

Those are always the best sets. Holtzman closing out the main room when it's like nine people in the audience and 20 comics in the back of the room. That's where Kennison used to do the spots. I mean, they used to say people would come to see spots. I mean, that's what they used to say. Like, people would come to see him. They would start showing up at 12 o'clock.

Yeah, and that's where I would put Brody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I still, my trunk is still filled with all of his shit. Really? What do you got? I had to clean out his whole apartment.

Do you have his kettlebell? I might. You want it? Yeah. All right, if I have the kettlebell, I definitely have some drumsticks. Whatever you want. We'll go out there afterwards.

We'll have a Brody garage sale. We worked together in Tempe, and he was doing cleans and presses in the parking lot. Stay in fit. I remember that. That's when he used to do it. But he's like, you might remember me from the made-for-TV Vlade Divac movie. Yes. He was the best.

Push. Positive. You know, we went to Little League together. Did you really? I grew up in Tarzana. He grew up in Tarzana. Wow. And he was one of the older students, but yeah, Joe Torre Little Baseball Camp. Wow. Yeah. I miss that motherfucker

every day. I miss that motherfucker too. He was another thing about that place, like the special quality of that place like You weren't gonna run into Brody Stevens and any other walk of life I think you had to meet that kind of comedy, especially to get to know him like the way we got to know Brody Yeah, you know yeah, you take it for granted. You know yeah Well, you really do and you really know you do now like I kind of knew I took it for granted

I'd leave that place some nights And I'd be like how lucky are we that we have this place now because this place never existed and for me it was like um you know we're talking about the pandemic and coming back from the pandemic for me it was like when i was gone and then i came back it made me realize like oh this is a very valuable thing for your comedy Like you can't just go to like random comedy clubs and just jump in, do sets, like having a home base and having a home base filled with like Jezelnik and all these fucking assassins. It's like you just be around murderers just all day long slaying. And it just makes everybody's level higher. I felt like the level of comedy that I was experiencing there was higher than I'd ever seen it before like you know there was always the murderers like Martin Lawrence and Damon Wayans

but there was a lot of bullshit in there a lot of fucking boat acts and a lot of dudes who were doing literally the same act no bullshit for 25 years I know I had to get rid of a lot of there was dude it was weird like you would you would see a guy and you'd not see him for 10 15 years and you'd see the same act in the same order verbatim with old like ronald reagan as president references and shit and like whoa so that was when i came here in 94 there was a lot of that going on i believe it so it was like nothing murderers and then nothing and then the occasional murder but it was like nothing, murderers, and then nothing, and then the occasional murder. But it was like you get one murder a night maybe.

It wasn't nothing like now. I mean, I'm so fortunate to have the people calling in every week that they could call in because from 9 o'clock to literally 12, 15, it's just wall-to-wall killers. Yeah, we need to get the president involved in this. It's just wall-to-wall killers. Yeah, we need to get the president involved in this. Tell him that he'll get the support of all the comedians. If he just has a federal mandate to open up all comedy clubs, we need it. It's an essential business.

It really is, though. It is an essential business. That's going to do wonders for everybody's mental health, for sure. It will, and for all the mental patients that do stand-up. I mean, what are they doing right now? They're bouncing off the walls. All these fucking people, they're losing their minds so hard they're doing Zoom comedy. Dude, I'm...

Somebody talked them into it. I'm in my studio apartment. I'm Jack Torrance over there. That's like my little Overlook Hotel. I don't think that's good for you. No. You're a very social guy. I don't think that's a good thing to be locked up like that

for two months at a time. Right. Yeah, I can't wait to get out. Just take a chance with the bug. Just go wander around. Go to the beach, lick some. Right. Yeah, I can't wait to get out. Just take a chance with the bug. Just go wander around. Go to the beach, lick some faces. You know, I've been talking to Norm McDonald a lot lately. We're going to, I think we're going to start the podcast up again.

So thank God for that. Just get tested. Yeah, we'll get tested. You can bring him in here and get tested too. Yeah. You know what know what yeah we're gonna have i think we we would kill for you to be the first guest i would love to do it all right good i'm 100 in oh thank god yeah we have some good guests lined up so now we just we're just gonna figure it out yeah so you're all set to get tested today too oh perfect i know you don't have

it because you haven't gone anywhere but you yeah exactly when you when you sit in your house like that for like all those days at a time how that's got to be so depressing it's not great it's not great it's really not it's uh my yeah my depression and anxiety is through the fucking roof do you um do any kind of exercise yeah i got a rowing machine so i do a lot of uh rowing and then i go on a long walk i go on like a five mile walk every day oh that's very good but that's it yeah but you're by yourself most of the time but i'm by myself in my in my apartment yeah shit that ain't good being by yourself that often is not good no all the single people this is a fucking weird one for single people well it's kind of choose your poison i don't know how i feel like i would

fucking want to kill somebody if i was stuck in a in a single room yeah that could happen for sure oh absolutely yeah that could happen for sure it either brings you closer together or it drifts you further apart those those yeah if you have a strong foundation you truly like each you know what i mean you've already accepted each other for everything warts and all and also you you both realize like like you're saying you appreciate the store you also appreciate your family appreciate your friends i appreciate my friends and my family and and just everybody in my life way more now than uh i guess i i guess i always appreciated them but there's like a another 10 bump in all that stuff when the pandemic was

happening because like one started happening in the beginning i was like another 10% bump in all that stuff when the pandemic was happening. Because when it started happening in the beginning, I was genuinely scared. I was genuinely thinking this could be something that kills 10% of the people I know. I was genuinely thinking like, oh my God, this could be way worse. China could be lying about how bad it is. It could be way worse. I remember talking to you about it right when you were in that state of mind. And it was terrifying.

you about it right when you were in that state of mind yeah and it was terrifying but what made me it made me think in that state of mind like i'm so thankful that i have such a an amazing group of friends so thankful that i have an amazing family so thankful that i have friends that i love that we can fuck with each other and talk shit to each other you know it's like that my some of the my the greatest joys of my day i I'm in a group thread with with a bunch of comics. And those are the those are my favorite moments of the day. Just cracking each other up and I'm in this thread with Whitney and Nick Swartzen and D'Elia. It's the most ridiculous thread. It's been going on for years, man.

I call it the bitch group. Just bitching about shit. It's really funny. I'm in a great one with Spade and Whitney. It's just the best. I think Whitney's just in a bunch of group texts. All day long, talking shit. It's funny, man.

It's so funny. I love her with all of my heart. She's a great human being. She really is a special one. Very, very unique. Swords and two. Oh, yeah. He's amazing.

And delete too. We're so lucky. Yeah. We're very, very, very lucky. There's just a bunch of people that we know that are just some of the most fun people to be around. Yeah. And Ari Shaffir.

Yeah. That fucking man. No, I meant. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Jerry Sloan just died. Hopefully he learned his lesson and keeps his fucking mouth shut this time. You know Jerry Sloan?

No, who's Jerry Sloan? The coach of the Utah Jazz. Don't even mention it to R. He probably doesn't know yet. He knows now. That sort of a prank, that prank, the idea of that prank,

it's like, okay. He can't help himself. He's fully committed to being the wrestling heel. Exactly. All the time. He loves it. Dude, I was reading

that wrestling might go under. No, how? They're saying that wrestling is, they're firing wrestlers. I know they got rid of Cain Velasquez, and he only did like one match with them. They're releasing a bunch of people off their roster, and they're hurting apparently because they're not getting any live gate. You got to think pro wrestling when they tour around the country.

I mean, they're doing hundreds of shows in these giant places. Imagine the amount of money just from the live gate of all these places and then merch, all that different stuff. All that stuff's cut off. So they have the same amount of expenses, but then through no fault of their own, boom, profits stop. I'm genuinely ignorant about so many things in this world, except for maybe music, movies, and comedy. But here's what i don't understand they've made a shit ton of money haven't they yeah but they've been balling they're not saving what are they a boy scout i thought vince mcmahon was like oh yeah he's on

jews he's the guy who started the xfl saving money no come on i just watched the 30 for 30 on the xfl it was great that guy's doing squats squats and shooting fucking steroids and making billions of dollars. He doesn't have any time for this nonsense. Yeah, I guess that's true. Come on, man. He's an animal. He's not saving any money. That guy probably has 50 bucks in the bank.

He probably spends everything he makes. Probably makes $100 million a year. Spends it all. It's going out of style. He's a fucking animal. And you look at his business, though. You've got, I believe, the way they have, you would be able to know this, the app. Their app, you get everything through the app, right?

Yeah, the WWE Network, I think is what it's called. Right, so when you sign up, you pay a monthly fee, and you get all the events. There's no pay-per-view, right? Right. Whereas the UFC, not the case the ufc like if you get espn plus you got to pay for espn plus but when like conor mcgregor fights or john jones fights like you got to pay for that yeah i found out the hardware uh about what was that like three weeks ago yeah yeah yeah that's uh that's just how it is man yeah that's just how it is that's that's's just how it is. That's how it is.

They don't have the same model. And a lot of people, like WWE used to have that model. They used to have, you'd pay for pay-per-views. They have the regular shows, and they have the big-time pay-per-views. Yeah, I remember that with, like, SummerSlam and even the WWF days. Yeah, they used to advertise those all the time on cable. Even the WWF days. I remember they used to advertise those all the time on cable. If you could imagine, though, if Tuesday night, Rochester,

and you were Conor McGregor, would just fight a championship fight, and then you see him again on Saturday. That's a good point. You heard what Ronda Rousey said about that. She was like, you fucking dorks. Listen, this is fake fighting, and they do it 200 times a year. She goes, you know what would happen if you fought 200 times a year you'd be dead i can't even know she's a star in the wwe at the end of the day she was like the original great famous women's mixed martial arts fighter

she's not taking your nonsense she's not listening to that stupid shit Shut the fuck up You know I mean she got knocked out by Cyborg And Amanda Nunes Or not Cyborg By Amanda Nunes And Holly Holm Back to back Right The idea that she's gonna listen to some fucking

Wrestling dork Give her shit That business though What I was gonna say is I think Austin Because of the app The WWE Oh right Because of the app The way they have it set up, they don't have the live gate anymore.

So all that money from those – they do these giant arenas. They're selling out, right? Like crazy all over the country, 200-plus a year. All that money is gone. They can't just hit the fucking pause button? No. Vince McMahon's got pills, son. He's got 80 jets and fucking 100 houses.

He's got no time. He's just, I don't know. I don't know what they do. I mean, I think when the business drops, you got to act accordingly, I guess. I guess so. Even when the business comes back, they'll rehire people. It's a hard time for everybody, man. But the people that I feel the most for are people who are dying and people who lost people.

But next, people who are losing their business and their families falling apart because of this. And they're through no fault of their own. Yeah. And then the employees that are just forced to go out of work. And how do they, they have to go on food. Like, I don't understand how they're supposed to just quarantine for months with no money. And again, no talk at all. And no talk at all about health, taking care of your health.

No talk. That's just shocking. No talk. Nothing. Yeah, that should be number one, two, and three on the list. Yeah. I mean, it's fucking, it's crazy. What is going on?

I wonder if other countries, I'd be fascinated to see how they're handling this in other countries on their news over there and well some countries aren't handling it badly at all like some countries are like germany had a crazy low death rate right there's a bunch of countries like i wonder if they're focused on that i wonder if on their news programs they're focused on here's what you need to do to protect yourself. Take a lot of vitamin D. Take this. Do this. Get in the sun. Yeah. I think it's probably their health care system and it's probably their diet. You know, there's a real issue in this country with sugar.

And that's a giant part of what's happening here. When you talk about people that are getting diabetes and, you know, people that are overweight, those are two big factors in this disease. Right. and people that are overweight. Those are two big factors in this disease, and they're both connected, not the genetic form of diabetes, but type 2 is connected to sugar consumption.

It's directly connected to your diet. You could also ask Dean Del Rey. Dean Del Rey had fucking diabetes because he was eating sugar all day. Yeah, he was doing Jamba juice once a day. Yeah, he was eating candy. He realized it when they gave him that wake-up call, that diabetes wake-up call. Yeah, that's when they gave him that wake-up call that diabetes wake-up call yeah that's a hell of a wake-up call but now you look at him he's healthy and fit he

looks better than he ever has yeah lost a ton of weight and he said he feels so good he looks killer he looks great yeah and now like his instagram posts like you'll see quite a few of them every now and then he'll talk about sugar and what do you still look like? You'll he'll put up fat Dean pictures. Yeah, I'm everybody. Yeah, like fat dude. I got fat Adam. I got fat him photos Oh, no, that's right. You showed me. Yeah. Yeah. Those are solid. I didn't know you then you were no I was chubby at the improv. When was that? I'm not 2005. I'm not judging. I didn't even notice No, you probably did know me when I was fat. Those were good days. Maybe a little bit.

I let it go. Yeah, good. Thank you. I appreciate that. But Dean, he's a perfect example. I mean, he had all sorts of health problems because of that sugar consumption. Look at this fat Dean with his name. Oh, yeah.

He got his name on the store at the wall. I remember that. At the wall at the store, rather. Yeah. Look at that. Fat Dean Tuesday. He did. He looks like Bobby Hill. He used to do a bit about that. Wow. That. At the store, rather. Yeah. Look at that. Fat Dean Tuesday. He did. He looks like Bobby Hill.

He used to do a bit about that. Wow. That's crazy how fat he was. God damn. And now he's healthy and young. Yeah, sugar's a killer, man. He's going back in time. It's a killer.

He's getting younger. He looks younger. He does look way younger now. Way younger. He looks healthier. He looks so much better. That's my problem. I eat too much ice cream.

Again, we're not hearing any of this stuff from people. We're not hearing any of this stuff from Fauci or all these health experts. We're not hearing any of it. No. It's crazy. We're just hearing, inject yourself with fucking Clorox. And if you talk to people like, well, you don't want to shame people for having a poor diet or for being overweight. Okay, do you care if people die or not?

Yeah, right. What do you care about? Is it hurting people's feelings or saving their lives? Yeah, everything's ass backwards now. Everyone's too sensitive. They're worried about people's feelings too much. It's going to be real weird when we come back to doing comedy and you hear all the COVID jokes.

It's going to be the audience going to be exhausted. Yeah, it's going to be the new airplane food. I'm avoiding them. I'm not writing anything about them. Yeah, who's going to build the wall? It's going gonna be the new airplane food i'm avoiding them i'm not writing anything about who's gonna build the wall it's gonna be the new fucking yeah exactly we get it yeah exactly uh but wait fuck you're sure there's no weed in this 100 you you probably get contact hives from being in the room with me there was something specific. I was you know, you had like 30 day how many days 90 days off 90 days Oh, yeah, I got sober on March 1st. You can't be in a room with someone like me

That's what I was gonna ask you is do you think? No, no, I don't think so. Do you think that social distance from weed smoke? Do you think all the PC bullshit and the social justice warrior shit is going to be tempered after we... No. No. No, I think it was tempered because of the real danger. I think the real threat and the real fear tempered it. And now that that's gone away, the real fear is going to give way to a new level of anger because of this level of despair

people are going to be experiencing financially over the next few months. So there's going to be a heightened, it's almost going to be like it has a slingshot effect. People got less cunty and they're going to get more cunty and more self-righteous. Yeah, more self-righteous, more people chastising, criticizing people. And on Twitter you really see it because people are literally forced to be at home. So if you're forced to be at home and you don't have the discipline to stay off Twitter and you happen to comment something and someone comments on your comment and then you start talking shit to each other, that's your day.

Not only is that your day, but you're going to be crazy. You're going to be thinking about it in the middle of the night. What the fuck did they write? You get up to pee. I'm not going to check my phone. Let me check my phone real quick. Fuck. And they said something that's pretty good.

And you're like, God damn it. Now I've got to come up with something to say back. So you start Googling statistics. Yeah, man. I mean, this is what a lot of people are doing. It's making people sicker and sicker. I have almost completely avoided Twitter. Other than I'll check my DMs occasionally.

And occasionally I'll check what other people have posted that I'm friends with or that I follow, check a little bit, but I might give it five minutes a day. I deleted my Twitter icon about a year ago, and then I just reinstalled it maybe about a week or two ago, and I'm already starting to see, like, what am I doing? Why am I even looking? It's just getting me pissed off. It's just too many people are angry. Yeah, it's just too many about nonsense. Well, maybe it's not it's to them. It's important

Right. It's like when you post it. It's important But when you're dealing with whatever the fuck it is a hundred million people that are on Twitter or more probably more that are opposing on a regular basis and Then most of what they want to say is angry. Most of what they want to say is negative. Most of it is complaining. It might be like 60% complaining. Yeah.

So when you tune into that, like you're getting all the problems of all these people. It's just too many people. You're supposed to deal with the problems of the people that are around you. So if there's like 10 people around you and Tommy's got a problem, what's wrong with Tommy? Let's go talk to Tommy. It's not supposed to be 10 million people. Right.

And then there's hundreds of thousands of Tommies just flooding your feed with bullshit, nonsense. My fucking girl's lying about this and they say we can't vote in November. Fuck that. I say we sue. And and whoa all this craziness and it's like you you just deal with the worst aspects of everyone's day or everyone's thoughts or everyone's opinions you're just dealing with all this negativity and it's so rare that and it's really a very much appreciated when you do find it like a really

well-structured conversation or disagreement about something where people don't get shitty at all like wow that's beautiful that's pleasant to see or there's people that want to dox people because you know they you know they they don't like this politician that they support or they don't like they want you to not have to wear a mask if you want to dox you like there's there's so many people that are so fucking angry and weird online. And then you add this pandemic to it and you just got this boiling pot of shitty thinking and anger and meanness. Just mean. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Where's the love?

Where's the love? Where's the camaraderie? Where's the hugs? Isn't that the best part of your day? Wouldn't you rather be friends with people? Like, I know you can have Disagreements and not be shitty. It's possible And that's what I loved about the comedy stores people that you know didn't disagree But they fucking you know they they're still the camaraderie and they're there at the end of the day

They're in the same boat like they love you pretty much, and yeah, there's just there's a lack of Conservative comedians I would say if there's anything that's odd. Yeah, that is. I think that's very true. There's a few that you know of, but it's pretty rare. I think there's probably more than we know that they're just not on stage. They're avoiding it. Maybe.

Yeah, maybe. In acting, it's like fucking 99% or something. It's crazy. Yeah. Which makes me think that can't be real. It makes me think that it's probably a lot of his people shaping their opinions so that they're more accepted and loved by the community that they've chosen to try to excel in. Definitely.

All business decisions. I remember I had this conversation with this dude once. I was on a TV set when I first started acting. In news radio? Yeah. No, before that. Hardball. Oh, okay.

This was early in my acting career. Okay. I was quite crazy. And I was talking to this dude about a movie. Actually, it might have been news radio days. Because I think that's when this movie came out it was uh as good as it gets sure with Jack Nicholson which I thought was the most fucking depressing movie I'm like here's this lady and she's she's so nice and she keeps

accepting this guy for fucking up over and over again and then the end the solution is he takes a pill and the pill keeps him from being an asshole like what there's no pill for that like that's so crazy he was a major ass a fucking asshole and which we're supposed to say oh no no no he just needed a pill see once he gets this non asshole a medium inside of his body it cancels out all the assholishness and he's actually a good guy so she found a good guy no she's poor lady was a single mom who was living with this fucking mean piece of shit and a pill fix and i was like that movie depressed the fuck out of me and i was talking to this actor and he goes i actually uh i think he had a lot to offer her

I actually, I think he had a lot to offer her. I go, what? Because it was a popular movie. He was spouting. I go, it was a terrible movie. I go, wouldn't, if that lady was your sister, wouldn't you want to grab her and go, Helen, come on. You're awesome.

This guy's so mean. He's always mean. He says racist shit. He's mean. He's cracking jokes. He was yelling at people. He did a lot of weird shit. Yeah. He said, he was a writer, right? right they said how do you write women so well i think of a regular

woman and they take away reason and accountability well it's not just that it was like no he was misogynist he was never nice he was an asshole always a dick but there was no nice no he had no redeeming qualities whatsoever right He had crippling OCD. Yeah, I haven't seen it in many years. Didn't make any sense. Yeah. Didn't make any sense. I'm like, oh, it was depressing. I go, look, it's a work of art, right?

It doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy. But it made me feel bad. But he was like sticking up for the relationship. Oh, that does. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, that's insane. But I realized in the middle of the conversation, I'm like, oh, people do shit like that because they think they're supposed to like a movie

So they say shit course. That's what he was always Definitely because because I was look I was dumb. I'm dumb now, but back then I was I was I was like four years removed from fighting Fucking dumb now then I'm far. I was much dumber them But it was my instincts were always to challenge people on things. Like, what? What are you saying? Love that.

I wanted to find out why he could ever possibly think that that was a good idea for that lady to date that fucking asshole. That mean guy who just needed a pill. Like, that's so crazy. That's the craziest movie. I remember that. I remember when The english patient came out and everybody was all over was was like this is the best thing ever and i was like that movie fucking sucked but i wouldn't today if it came out today i would have no problem being like no you're wrong

i that movie bored the shit out of me it was weird but the my point was not that you know it was a good movie or a bad movie he was sticking up the result He was just this is what my point was I could tell He wasn't really saying it because he thought it he was saying because he thought it was the thing that he should say Yeah, and in talking to this guy. I found this like it was like one of those fake Houses where they film a TV show where there's nothing behind it It's propped up on sticks, and I'm looking at this guy and it's like I look behind the sign. I was like you're a fake personality.

You don't even have a real personality. Who are you? You're a fucking weirdo. This is one way you could tell these people. They would always say good to see you. Even if they just met you. They'd say good to see you. It was like you're in a cult. You're saying the things that everyone says. And blessed be see you. Even if they just met you. They'd say, good to see you. It was like you're in a cult.

You're saying the things that everyone says. And blessed be with you. And blessed be with you, brother. You pass each other in the hallway. Good to see you. Good to see you. And everyone was full of shit. This is the most disingenuous good to see you.

Instead of saying, hey, what's up? Nice to meet you. That's such a perfect analogy. That is, because I was in a cult. I know what it's like to fucking experience that. Yes, that's why I'm bringing this up. I want to get to that. I know your cult story.

So that is 99% of the industry, man. That's why it's such a sad place. Yeah. That's why it's so sad. So lonely. And you get all that attention. And believe me, that's what I wanted. That's why I came here.

I mean, I just figured out along the way what was wrong. I figured out along the way like, oh, this is a bad motivation. This is not a good motivation. Like, but the best, this is not going to fix you. You have to fix you and then treat what you're doing as an art form and enjoy it instead of treat what you're doing as like a a method of extracting attention because that's the difference between someone who's an artist right like a gary clark jr versus someone who's just doing a lot of dumb shit to try to get attention and doesn't really

have any thought to it i know exactly what you mean and there were a lot of comics that were like that at the comedy store that were doing it just to get women. And they didn't have any real love for the art form. They just wanted to be famous. They weren't working on their craft. They had the same set, like you talked about earlier, that they've been doing for a decade. And they were just doing it to try and get women. They wanted to get famous.

It's just you got to somewhere along the line fix what's wrong with you. And you can do that and keep growing as a person and keep just fixing what's wrong with you and concentrate on positive things that are about this thing. There's a way to be healthy and still approach it. And the way to be healthy and approach it is approach it as an art form. Don't approach it as a method for getting you attention. And the problem is it's like set up to chase the attention. It's set up to chase the sitcom role or the record that you put out or the, you know,

whatever the big thing is that a movie that you get into, the big thing that's supposed to elevate you and define you, you know, and instead of that, I think if you can, as you're evolving as an artist, reach a point where you're just trying to do your best work. And that must feel so fucking good to reach that point. You're never really there. But to be adjacent at least. You're chasing it always. You're running right alongside it, but you can never jump on its back. If you're adjacent to always you're like right you're running right alongside it but you can never jump on its back if you're adjacent to that you just keep trying you know it's it's

really a numbers thing in a lot of ways and an attention thing and a focus thing you know people want to say it's a talent thing talent is a weird thing it's like a lot of like for stand-up you you've developed a personality long before you ever thought that it was an asset in a career like you just joey diaz was just a personality right you know what i'm saying yeah but like if you're a regular guy who like works in an accounting office and uh you imagine joey diaz in an accounting no impossible but if you're like a real calm guy who's like i've always enjoyed stand-up comedy i want to give it a try. And you go to these open mic nights and the weeknets and you meet that

savage. You're like, oh my god, that guy's a real person? This guy exists too? I gotta quit now. You know? That's a different, that advantage. He's done some cross-training. Like getting arrested and kidnapping people

and all the coke he did. Some solid cross-training. He did comedy cross-training. Joey Diaz, he'll have such a massive advantage over any normie. Yeah. Even if a normie's got really good jokes, he's just— Joey's lived in it. That personality element is something you can't teach.

Right. You've got to figure that one out. I think that's one of the most important things in stand-up is authenticity to me. I feel like that's a huge thing. Yeah. I feel like it's hypnotism. I really do. I could see that.

Yeah. I've always had this idea before I was ever hypnotized that my friend Vinny Shorman, he's a hypnotist. He hypnotizes fighters and he hypnotizes people and gets them to work on their game plan, their mindset. And it's a very strange state. I did it once. Very strange state. Very strange. Wow.

Yeah, you're there. You're aware that it's happening. It's not like, you know, like I've seen hypnotism shows. There was a guy in Rhode Island named Frank Santos. He was a comedy hypnotist and he would do these gigs in Boston. He was amazing. Yeah, we had a couple that came through Tempe every year. Yeah, some of them are good, right?

Yeah, sure. Some of those guys, and it's certain there's a certain level of dummy that you can just that dummy will be convinced he's in Game of Thrones riding a dragon. There's a certain level of dummy. And it really

for me as a person who's met people like like john carmack who is the lead programmer of id games who created doom and quake yeah sure super super genius right like elon of course like meeting someone like him super super genius and then knowing how dumb some of my friends are and I'm like hmm and I'm dumb too but it's like I'm around him and I'm like okay there's I don't think I wonder what is life like to that guy I guarantee you he's not looking at shit the way I'm looking at it you know he's looking at he's got like you're looking into the matrix yeah and I think there's levels lower than us and you get to this level where you can talk a guy into thinking he's having sex with Christy Teigen. He'll really believe that him and Kim Kardashian are having sex.

You can convince those people. And they even come in their pants. This guy, Frank Santos, used to make guys nut in their pants. Shut the fuck up. No, no, no. 100%. What are you talking about? Get out.

Back then it was Madonna. I'm not kidding, man. First of all, the guy was a wizard. He was never hit Well, he's dead. Unfortunately rest his soul It is his son is doing stand-up and his son is his son is doing hypnotism shows son is the same name But anyway, he was he would have this show weekly at stitches Stitches was a big comedy club in Boston and all the comics like Fitzsimmons and me We would go to the back of the room and watch the Frank Santos show all the time.

I was dating a waitress there at the time. And so I'd be there all the time. So even if I didn't have a set, we'd come down and watch Frank Santos' show because it was so ridiculous. Those were always my favorite shows to watch, too, except for obviously the greatest comics that would come through. But, yeah, those were always a fun show. They were ridiculous. When he gets people to do things and tells them, you're on a bus and the bus is about to go off the cliff

and into the ocean and you don't know how to swim. My favorite were the midnight ones where it was the dirty one. They would always do the dirty show. One time I saw, it was a couple and this guy, he convinced this girl she was in a porno. And they gave her a banana and she started deep-throating the banana and the whole crowd was going insane and then they got in like he like sadly he he beat her up in the parking lot but but yeah yeah it wasn't it wasn't a great ending but uh yeah but those shows were always wild the guy not the hypnotist her boyfriend boyfriend

because he was in the audience oh no So it wasn't his fault Of course it's his fault But that was the last time we did the Midnight Hypnotist show But what you do on here You can't get mad at a woman for expressing her inner wholeness You just gotta respect it Who she really is

You do hypnosis Here with this I was terrified I was really nervous coming in here. I've been thinking about it ever since you invited me. I'm like, I'm going to puke all over the studio. It makes me, I lost so much sleep over it. But you put people at ease.

Like I've seen it with Stern and now with you where I don't know what it is. You're like, you do hypnosis Oh, no, put everyone at ease. No Adam. We're actually friends. I know that If we're at dinner, we would talk like this. Yeah, but right you have a large odd like it's different man Yeah, but you gotta not think about that. All right. Yeah, that's the thing if you think about that that's right, right, right Don't think about that Okay, just think about the fact that this is how we would talk no matter what this is true right if we were hanging out in the back bar the Comedy Store and you and me just

hanging out in the back there thank God just like this thank God for Eric creating that back you know that bar is the best part of the comedy club it's amazing and it has the bar that's actually from Mitzi Shores house I love that how cool is that? It's crazy. Yeah, that bar's perfect. It's my one little place to go for solace. Yeah, it's a sweet spot when it doesn't get overrun. Sometimes it gets overrun.

I bring that up on a weekly basis. We got to figure it out. That'll be number one on the agenda once we reopen. People get back there. They're not even comedians. I know. It's a nightmare. What is happening here?

What is this? I almost prefer them to the open micers. Yeah, well. Because then they're like asking, bugging people to be on their podcast. Exactly. It's a little ridiculous. The open micers are tricky because, you know, they all, me included, like I said about Ari, we all started as open micers.

Ari is basically, I think, just starting to do sets, like paid sets probably when he got here. I wonder when he first started getting paid. But I started taking him on the road with me. 2004, 2005? Something like that. He was a couple years into his career, and he was coming up from being a door guy to getting fairly regular spots,

and he just kept getting better and working at it so that that day that he was doing his specials like i have to be there i have to i have to right i'm like even if i have to fight like all my horrible instincts to run away and fucking just i had to Thank God you fucking did. And thank God they allowed him to film that special in the OR because at first it took a lot of convincing. I don't know how important that was. When I pulled into the parking lot that Tuesday night,

the night before his special, I was nervous. Like nervous to be driving in the back parking lot. Yeah, you took seven years off. I know, it was weird. It's like going back to your old high school or something. I don't know. I can't imagine what that was like. Going back home from a long, long time away.

What? Dude, it's contact high. You can't be in this room. You're 90 days. It's like if you hadn't returned home for many years, seeing your old family. I'm worried that we're going to lose clubs. I'm worried we're going to lose restaurants. I'm worried we're going to lose clubs.

I'm worried we're going to lose everything. Yeah, it's terrifying. I try not to think about it. But I think the comedy store is going to, thank God, I think that the comedy store will be okay. I don't know, man. I just don't fucking know. Yeah, I don't know either.

If they don't let us back in soon, because it's not even June. You know, they're talking about July 4th. Like, what is going to happen over the next month? I don't know. Yeah, we got to we gotta open i can't i can't anymore i'm nervous about the way it's going to reboot like what's going to happen what's it going to be like you mean in terms of the capacity in terms of what what's going to society? What's society going to be like? Oh, just society. Oh, I don't fucking know. Like, the streets are so empty right now, they're ominous.

And there's this, like, ominous feeling when you're driving around of, like, this is just the beginnings of a volcano. What we're all moving over. Like, that's what it feels like. Look, eventually, it seems like they're going to have a vaccine for sure. I know nothing's definite. What are you, a doctor? No. I don nothing's definite. What are you, a doctor? No. I don't know, bro.

It sounds like they've had some progress and some very positive. Okay. I don't know. I mean, if it was ready, they would give it to us, right? No. Yeah. It's definitely not ready. And there's talk about it.

There's also talk about something. Find out what the fucking mRNA virusna viruses we were talking about this with pac-man right do i even want to know this is a new kind of uh not virus excuse me vaccine mrna vaccine so this is some shit that alex jones told me about and he said it's something that we all have to be very concerned with i just googledled it. Which one should I go to? So it's something that it's a vaccine that's going to be able to, it uses your own body to create proteins, right? Isn't that how it works? Something along those lines?

I know I'm butchering this, but instead of like having a, here, does it say? Okay, scientists produce a synthetic version of the mRNA that a virus uses to build its infectious proteins click on that yeah see I'm clearly butchering it but that's

the idea of it is that it makes your body produce something that protects you from the virus maybe it turns us all into fucking Spider-Man. Right? I'm in. I mean, yeah. I'm fucking in.

When does one of these things not kill us but turn us into gods? It turns us into superheroes. When do we get to be Dr. Manhattan? Exactly. I love how you obviously, you want to be Dr. Manhattan. I just want to be fucking Spider-Man. I want to live on Mars and not give a fuck and travel through the universe and have no emotions and be blue and jacked.

I was going to say, because out of all the superheroes, that's the one that you would resemble the most currently. Well, he's the only superhero if you're going to be a superhero. Everyone else is basically like a person with some extra things they do. Some extra bullshit. He's a god. Dr. Manhattan is like one level below a god. Who was fucking Galactica?

What was Galactica? Or Galacticus? I don't know, man. He was like a planet. I don't fucking know. All those superhero movies, man. People who don't enjoy those superhero movies lose my number. Yeah, how could you be that sad?

I don't love all of them, but most of them. There's a lot of good ones, man. Yeah, they're fun. Here's my number. Yeah, how could you be that sad? I don't love all of them, but most of them. There's a lot of good ones, man. Yeah, they're fun. Here's Galactus. Galactus. Galactus. Originally Galan before its transformation. Oh, he had a transformation and turned into something.

The single survivor of the universe preceding the Big Bang of the main universe of the Marvel Comics universe. What? Defeating the Big Bang of the main universe of the Marvel Comics universe. What? With these traits and his appointment of powerful beings as his heralds, formerly the Silver Surfer. Oh, he used to run the Silver Surfer. That's right. Okay.

That's right. I just remember him being a big fan. Look, he's holding a fucking planet. He's going to be the next guy that they fight when they probably start up the movies. Oh, no way. Really? I'm making a guess. Oh, okay. It sounds like he's got Thanos power.

Oh, they're bringing him back. Well, bro, they should bring back the Silver Surfer, man. I fucking loved the Silver Surfer when I was a kid. Dude, Silver Surfer was badass. They did it once, but it was kind of weird. And Fantastic Four. Those weren't great. There was one Silver Surfer movie, though, wasn't there?

I think it was... Was there a Silver Surfer movie, though, wasn't there? I think it was. Was there a Silver Surfer movie? I thought it was the Fantastic Four. I think it was a Fantastic Four Silver Surfer. I don't think there was an actual Silver Surfer. The Rise of the Silver Surfer. Fantastic Four 2007. Oh, so it was a specific episode of the Fantastic Four,

The Rise of the Silver Surfer. There was a sequel to that first with Chris Evans when he was in Captain America. He was in the Fantastic Four. Oh, shit. They got to keep everybody together. Can't let the Silver Surfer have his own shit. Can't let the Silver Surfer have some fun.

Michael Chiklis was the thing. But see, there's four. Four people. Silver Surfer's five, motherfucker. Give him his own show. Yeah. Silver Surfer was so dope. Oh, he was dope as fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, Michael Chiklis. Is that Captain America? Yeah, he was in this. What was he? What was he? Is he Flame. Oh, he was dope as fuck. Yeah. Yeah, Michael Chiklis. Is that Captain America? Yeah, he was in this. What was he? Is he Flame? Oh, he's the Flame. Yeah, he's one of the four guys.

No shit. Who the fuck is Mr. Fantastic? Michael Chiklis was a good thing, too. You ever watch that guy, that cop show that guy was in? No, no. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one afterwards.

The Shield? The Shield. Oh, yeah. The Shield was great. The Shield was excellent. Yeah. That was an excellent cop show. The Shield was great. The Shield was excellent. Yeah. That was an excellent cop show. The Shield was great.

That was a really good cop show. Like, really good. I think it was- Like, complicated. Bert Kreischer's on an episode of that. Is he? Oh, no way. He's jerking off on people?

Of course he is. All right, good for him. That sounds right. Sounds like what he'd get arrested for. Yeah, those movies are fun, man. Like, now more than ever, when shit gets really hard, that's when people want escapism. That's when something like a comic book movie is the most fun. I went through and I just started watching all the ones I missed.

Bert Kreischer and The Shield. Here it is. Oh, no way. Look at him. He's beating off in the alleyway. Oh, fucking Bert. And they're going to arrest him for that? Yeah.

No. Was he beating off in someone's window? that a funny thing that they get you for oh they got he gives up so easy too look how easy he gave up that's hilarious didn't even try to punch that cop one cop so disrespectful that's outstanding i love it silly Bert. Is that who he was looking at? That guy fucking? I guess. I don't know. Hello. Or he was watching.

Oh, maybe both of them. Oh, why are you going to make her stick around? They're going to make him address her with his hands cuffed behind his back. And look, they don't even put their clothes on. They're like, we're going to go back to fucking real quick. So what do you have to do here? Look at her. She doesn't even have clothes on.

It's a TV show. It's hilarious. But do you imagine you have to answer the door so quickly you can't even put your clothes on? You just hold a t-shirt over your tits? Super normal. Everybody does that when there's a whole group of people outside your door. Yeah, never in my life. You say, hold on.

I need to get dressed. Exactly. Then you fucking get dressed. That lady's an animal. See her? She's got a talent. She doesn't even want to tie it on she's like

I'm gonna let this go cause I'm gonna fuck soon right that's what she looked like once you gotta go down to the station you gotta put your clothes on she's not going anywhere

she doesn't have time for that shit she's not gonna press charges no you could see it in her eyes get out of here you creep that's a weird one though

right like peeping into people's windows is illegal. But they're glass. That's true. They are transparent. You look right in there.

Yeah, yeah. Seems weird. Bert took it a little too far maybe. For sure. He was beaten off. Yeah. But like if you have a window that's facing an alley and someone walks in that alley and they stare in your window, who's the asshole?

Yeah, that's a good point. I think there's a time limit maybe right yeah he should only count 10 mississippi i need to get the fuck out of there probably five mississippi yeah yeah what rear rear rear window is that movie the hitchcock movie yeah it was a fucking great movie yeah god oh yeah he that's right he spent the whole fucking movie staring into that guy's apartment with binoculars across the way. God, I barely remember that one. I barely remember that one. It's way before my time. You know what I barely remembered?

1955, I think. I barely remember it. I watched a little bit of it recently. It's Psycho. It's great. I mean, the beginning's great, especially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I watched.

I just watched the shower scene. The crazy... Fair enough. Okay. When he puts the wig on, stabs a chick. Spoiler alert, it's from 1940. But it's so... Whatever.

Is that what it was? I think so. Whatever it was, it was such an... It was so different than any movie you'd ever see today. Yeah. It was so... Just the pacing and the suspense. Love it.

It was just different. It's, I used to watch all the old, like, it's like Twilight Zone or the old Hitchcock, Alfred Hitchcock Presents around the same time. I remember this one. He actually, with Janet Leigh, he made sure that it was ice cold water so that the scream, like he would that it was ice-cold water so that the scream, like he would turn it to make sure that the water was ice-cold right when she was getting stabbed. So those screams are like actual fucking primal screams.

Oh, wow. That sounds very Hitchcockian. But, dude, this was such a crazy thing. A naked lady washing herself off. Look at her in ecstasy this was like erotica yeah and then and then this and there's two different like uh shot yeah this is why it's so scary groundbreaking because you're in love with her you're like i wish i was there to wash your hair oh fuck yeah you know what i mean like if you're a guy and you're sad this justin saying oh this is so crazy oh and then that shot yeah

you like see here yeah yeah yeah yeah this was such a crazy movie this scene was so insane whoa oh it's so insane dude oh wow yeah it still holds up like a motherfucker. Yeah, it holds up. It's masterful in that you don't see anything gory, but you're still horrified and flinching while it's happening. Yeah, like Reservoir Dogs when Mr. Blonde cuts off the cop's ear. Yeah, but even more fucked up because you were in love with her and you were just going to wash her hair. It's 1960. Yeah, you didn't want to wash her hair.

You wanted to wash her hair. You wanted to help her. You guys are saying this holds up. This is like the size. When I saw The Exorcist in the theater when they re-released it after like the 25th anniversary, me and my friends were hilariously laughing at some of the scenes because people had built it up so long our whole lives. Oh, yeah.

It's the scariest thing ever. And she's running down the stairs backwards and she's like pees on herself. We just thought it was hilarious. Just wasn't. I mean, we've seen Scream. Those aren't scary either, but, like, that's what our generation's scary movies were. It was just wild how funny this stuff was. I remember that the first one I ever saw, as a kid, was The Shining, and that still holds up. It still holds up.

That's an interesting one, right, Because Stephen King didn't like it. Yeah, that makes sense because it is wildly different from, it's a huge departure from the novel. So I can imagine if you're an artist and then someone takes your artwork and they completely change it in many different ways. Well, yeah, they changed it a bunch of ways, but they kept it a bunch of ways too. It became like a collaboration between him and Kubrick because it was clearly his original idea. But yeah, he wanted I believe Stephen King wanted that character to go crazy. He didn't want him to have this fucking edge like right from the beginning. Like Jack Nicholson had an edge like right from the beginning and then became insane.

And then, you know, well, I know what it's like. Jack Nicholson had an edge like right from the beginning and then became insane. And then, you know, became. Well, I know what it's like, yeah, to be an alcoholic who just stopped drinking. And I think you have that edge almost from the get-go. Yeah. A little bit. But, I mean, Jack's Jack. That movie was so good.

It was top ten all-time fave for me. That's what's crazy. It's like someone needed to tell Stephen King, like, I know it wasn't the same thing but god damn it was good it was so good dude when those little girls are in the hallway and the fucking blood's coming out of the elevator holy shit that's a good movie so many great moments i love and back then when it came out like people don't understand like the shining is like what is that 82 or something like that i think is it i think so is that what it is yeah so 1980 people you've got to understand we're talking about a whole different world yeah there's no there's no special effects if there are there they're not very good they're all like yeah you had empire strikes back yeah but it's it's

clunky yeah the special effects are clunky i guess empire strikes you had Empire Strikes Back. Yeah, but it's clunky. Yeah. The special effects are clunky. I guess Empire Strikes Back is pretty fucking dope. And then Alien was 79. That's right. My argument's falling apart. Blade Runner was 82. So there's really not much else though. There is a lot of clunky. So they did this movie with

just just, I mean, just all of the, yeah, all of the different crazy moments like that bathroom moment with the axe coming through the door there was so many of those moments the moment with the old lady because kubrick was a fucking master at creating suspense and and using the sets and the color contrast like just the the the color patterns are unsettling and the fact that he used those twins weren't exactly they weren't twins there were just little differences that makes it unsettling there's so many different

ways do you know he used to do complex mathematics for fun that's how what a genius he was a trippy dude and by far I think the greatest director of all time well he definitely is one of them and one of the most unique ones. You know, there's a crazy conspiracy theory connected to the shining and the moon landing. Yeah, I heard about the moon landing. Yeah, it's all about the number on the doors, exact same amount of thousands of miles. It's 237 and it's 237,000 miles away. I heard that.

By the way, it varies. See, that's the problem with that argument is that the distance between the Earth and the moon is not constant. I think it moves a little bit. So I think it goes as far as 265,000 feet out or miles out, rather. 265,000 miles out

and it goes to 237. But I think it varies. I think it goes like this. I think it has like an elliptical orbit around the Earth a little bit. But I think it varies. I think it goes like this. I think it has like an elliptical orbit around the Earth a little bit. Maybe I made that up. Is that true? It sounds, yes.

I figured. Yeah, it sounds accurate. Sorry, I was in the middle of reading the 237 stuff. Yeah, I heard it was also possibly about Native Americans, how the hotel was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. And even Shelley Duvall sort of looked Native American.

You could hear Native American music playing in the opening credits. I wouldn't be surprised if there was many layers to it. Yeah, he's just a brilliant man. He was a brilliant, brilliant man. The little kid did have an Apollo 11 sweatshirt on. Yeah, that's true. He did have an Apollo 11. I mean, that's pretty on the nose.

I just remember in the back room, in the stock room, there was like a can of a product with a giant, it was like Geronimo's head on there. I'm sure. Dude, there's so much to that. There's probably many layers. Steve. Kubrick is not going to operate on one layer. No.

He's probably going to have a bunch of weird shit in there. I mean, look at 2001. What a mindfuck. Oh, my God. What a mindfuck. Yeah. Well, there was so much of his work you know and he's the guy that the

conspiracy theorists when they get the most crazy when they really want to dive into who did it they think it was all Kubrick Kubrick literally filmed the fake moon landing and uploaded it to the American TV satellites if anyone could do it

it'd be him he'd be the guy I would get to do it You imagine if that was that was really would happen. I've heard all these years I Remember hearing all the fucking conspiracy theorists about the Illuminati killing him because he made yeah Well, they were worried. He was gonna open his fucking mouth till he made the moon landing. Oh, no, that's what it was mouth till he made the moon landing oh no that's what it was no because he made fucking keep his fucking eyes wide shut that too that was his last one they're like enough this guy's getting too close because i think he died like a like a week after that movie of course he did that's fucked that's how they roll me people just think they roll people just think nobody really rolled that way until this jeffrey ep shit. And they're like,

Oh, what? It's shocking. This is the first really, truly eyeopening one like this. Yes. Well, that's an Alex Jones one too. Alex Jones was talking about that way before anybody was.

He called it way before. And he said, there's this service and they take these elites and they, they bring them to this place and they have sex with underage girls. And everybody was like, no fucking way. That sounds like science fiction. And then you realize like, Oh fucking way. That sounds like science fiction.

And then you realize, like, oh, this is 100% true. And nobody was talking about it. 100% true. That's crazy. It's insane. It's insane. It's so weird. And then the guy gets suicided.

The guy's in jail going to trial. And they're like, well, Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide today. Like, we're all somewhere in the 1940s again. Breaking news. That's just in. Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide today. 100% convinced it was not fishy business. I remember Diaz telling me in the parking lot like a week before it happened, he's like,

this guy's not going to trial. They're killing this fucking guy. Authorities do not suspect foul play. Jeffrey Epstein, Filthy Rich, what is that? New documentary? Comes out the 27th. It's based off of James Patterson's book

which came out a couple years ago. That's going to get a lot of views. I've been into these Jack Carr books. Have you ever read any Jack Carr shit Jack Carr has um three books he's working on his fourth one now and it's all about it's like uh they're thrillers but like there's espionage and political shit going on in there and the the main uh protagonist I don't know I've never read Clancy, but the main guy is a Navy SEAL. And there's all this crazy shit that happens in all these stories.

But in a lot of them, you go, wow, like this. I used to think that something like this is preposterous, that people just making up this idea that, you know, that people would conspire to do evil, creepy shit all over the world and do it to make money and sacrifice people's lives. But as I've gotten older, I'm like, oh, that's probably way closer to what's really going on. Probably. Like, that's probably way closer. Yep. It probably is like that. And then a guy like Epstein gets arrested and then gets suicided.

And then everybody's like, well, too bad. Guess he's dead there's no senate hearings they're not standing in front of the tv every day going what happened how could one of the most important witnesses ever how could the cameras not be working you didn't check when tim dylan did that oh he's so good at that oh tim dylan he Dillon's amazing. Oh, he's my favorite. He's at all the young, wild guys coming up. He's the most wild. Definitely.

He's the most wild. And consistently brilliant. Yeah. He's fucking funny as shit. Yeah, Schultz is very wild, too. He's great. He impresses me. He goes for it.

He goes for it. I wish he lived in L.A. He takes some risky turns. He takes some risky turns. Yeah, takes some risky turns Tim Dillon does too That fucking Meghan McCain thing Is the single greatest impression I've ever seen You wanna fuck these tits though

Apparently she blocked him Which made it even better I love the way he says What's her name Now he's dressed as a coronavirus. Oh, this was good. Yeah. Did you hear he did a rant about cruise ships on this podcast?

That was great. I'm telling him. He did a great rant today or yesterday, a fucking solid one. Every time there's something going on with cruise ships, I send it to him now. We have this back and forth on just cruise ship shit. I still say the most dangerous comic right now who will say whatever the fuck he wants is still Holtzman. Oh, yeah.

That guy has balls. He's always been buck wild. Yeah, he's been wild. I always quote Holtzman's thing about there was a lady who drowned her kids back in the day. Yeah, I remember that. And he goes, ladies and gentlemen, I heard those were bad kids. I mean, he's doing this like a week after.

This fucking lady drowned her baby. He's like, they sat that close to the TV. They didn't put away their blocks. Those kids will not be missed. They spilt their milk. It's just, we were like, oh no. After 9-11,

Mitzi wouldn't put him up. She's like, he can't go up yet. Let me up, Mitzi. He's like, no like after 9-11 mitzi wouldn't put him up oh i mean he's like you can't go up yet let me up mitzi like no he was so funny at mitzi's memorial he would just say the most fucking horrible shit and then list off a bunch of random tour dates he's like august 3rd august 4th i'll be at the yuck yucks in montreal have you seen his Instagram? Thank God it's Wednesday. I'm here at the In-N-Out Burger. Thank God it's Wednesday. He does some

sketch with some lady at a Thai food place near his house. Oh, so funny. Yeah, that's the best. And she's singing in Vietnamese. And he's like interpreting or something. He's a staple. He's a staple yeah he really is a guy that you know wouldn't exist any other place like there's something about the the crazy darkness of the store that helps a guy like that we're putting him a lot in the documentary so hopefully we get some

good we get a lot of eyes on him i'm really excited about that i said the way to do a special with him was just to film him for like a month oh yeah let him do all of his sets for like a month yeah piece it together we filmed a lot of uh we let him go for an hour and and we got a lot of good material with holtzman there's a thing where you're like it's the end of the night you did your show and then you're uh leaving the back bar and you gotta go take a leak and you go take a leak and then you hear What the fuck did I just say to you? And you're like Oh my god. Holtzman's in You walk in there. There's like eight other people

You sit down Holtzman embarrassed at the end of the night. It's a staple Microphone always in the stand Ugh. So funny Oh my god. And he's always He's so Very Dangerfield. Very like Rodney. Well his look too is very old

timey. Like he's from another era. Tucked in shirt. And he behaves like that too. Like these fucking kids today. I love it. Yeah there's nothing better than late night at the store with Don Barris. Holtzman used to be Brody. You know what I always say

about that place that there's i i think there's a real argument for objects collecting energy put on your woo woo hold on your crystals because we're gonna talk sister i think there's some real power in objects and i think when you're around objects and you you have fun like if you are you're in that room that comedy store that's that room is like a it's like an encasing it's like a vessel yeah and there's an encasing of these moments it like in cat is there something in the walls like there's so many laughs have been had in that room. There's something in the wall.

Yeah, I remember closing up. Part of it's psychological that you're thinking about it. Here I am. I'm thinking about, you know, this is, but it's part of it's, there's seasoning. It's like a frying pan that you've used a bunch of times. It's like there's seasoning in that place. I've never seen, that's a perfect way to describe it. Seasoning.

I've never seen any ghosts. I'm very skeptical of that kind of thing. Super skeptical. Seasoning. I've never seen any ghosts. I'm very skeptical of that kind of thing. Super skeptical. But I'm telling you, I would close up that club by myself every night at three or four in the morning for five years. And I didn't feel great about closing up by myself at night.

Like going up to the belly room and shutting off all the fucking lights. Yes. Fuck that shit. That's the room. Very Outlook Hotel. It's like the Overlook Hotel. It's like The Shining. The belly room for me is the one that freaks me out.

And also it's because it's connected to all these corridors. It's like this room there. And the mirrors and shit. And you go upstairs there. Yeah. And then over there is the little green room. It's like everything's dark. It's like a haunted house.

What's going to jump out at you? Right, right, right. And then there's a stairway to get downstairs into the hallway. Ah! That fucking... And then there's the doorway to the outside. Sometimes that would slam. Yeah.

So many different entrances and exits. I feel like, I don't know how many people have been killed in that building. I don't know how many people have been killed in that building. Many. But I think they killed a fuckload of them in that room upstairs. Yeah, I'll bet. That room upstairs is the one that gets me. I think they did the murder probably in the basement, no?

I guess that makes sense. Yeah, that would make sense. I heard like, ugh. I think they did the murder probably in the basement, no? Isn't that where you whack people? I guess that makes sense. Yeah, that would make sense. I heard that as well about the basement. Yeah. But that room gives me the creeps. The basement gives me the creeps a little bit, too. It used to before they fucking converted it into a podcast studio. Now I don't get it.

Now it gives me more of the creeps. Now it gets... I did Argus' show down there. Super creeps. No, that was fun. Say all you will about Argus, man. I did Argus' show down there. Super creeps. No, that was fun. Swear to your will about Argus, man. I love that guy. He always kills.

Writes all the time. He's constantly writing new material. Yeah. It's always solid. Dude, I saw him. He's fucking good. He's very good. And I also like his style with the dark room, the spotlight.

We did spots together, which I'm usually not in the same time as him, like right before him or after him. But we did them back to back once. And I was like, damn, this is really good material. It's tight. And a lot of it is things that are happening right now, things that are current in the news. And he had great bits on them. He's great. Like a really, really sharp writer.

He's perfect to go up right there, second on the lineup. Yeah, he gets everything popping. Set the tone for the rest of the night. I just love the fact that he loves it so much. Yeah, he fucking can't get enough of it. He's been doing it forever. 45 years. But he still loves it.

Yeah. You ever see him jogging? Yes, I have. Super addicted to jogging. He can't get enough of that either. Yeah, seven miles a day, twice a day, I heard. I addicted to jogging. You can't get enough of that either. Yeah. Seven miles a day, twice a day. I heard. I don't know if that's, that's insane.

I saw him one time outside in a, at a, at a grocery store. It's like seeing your teacher out of school. It was, uh, it was off putting. And he jogs into Hollywood, which is even weirder. Yeah. You know, I mean, like, he's like, fuck a gym. I'm just going to use the road. There's something about those people, right?

When you're in your neighborhood and someone just is using your neighborhood like a, like a gym. I'm just going to use the road. There's something about those people, right? When you're in your neighborhood and someone is using your neighborhood like a gym. Yeah. It's like something weird about that. Shouldn't you go run where people run? Like, why are you running where people drive? Yeah. This seems like a dumb place to run. But it's a thing that people do, man.

Adrenaline? I don't know. Like in New York City, there's always people that are using the city as their gym. Yeah. They're just running. Like, everybody else is walking, and these people are exercising. You know? It's fucking weird, man.

It's like Argus even has a bit about that. Does he? Yeah, he says, you see a guy on a bicycle in L.A.? That guy's working out. You see a guy on a bicycle in Dallas, Texas? He's got DUI. It's true. It's a pretty good Argus impression, too.

It's okay. It's not bad. All right. It's a pretty good Argus impression, too. It's okay. It's not bad. This is a little bit of a slang term. Yeah, he's got a little bit of it. Where's he from? Oklahoma. Oh, there you go. Yeah.

I've heard some great Argus stories over the years, like, you know, just him and all the history with Mitzi and the Shores. Yeah. Love Argus. We all love Argus. No, it's a great place, man. Argus is a greatgus No it's a great place man Argus is a great guy It's a great place

There's so many So many good people there Yeah Just when When I say July I think July What do we do

If this fuck says no What if he says January 1st Shut it down man I think we Then I think we We all move to Austin No we all

We become Trump fans We gotta get the president involved to Austin. We all become Trump fans. We're going to get the president involved. Kiss his ass. We all fucking shoot up. We all shoot up with some fucking Lysol and walk down to Austin. We don't require much, Mr. Trump. Just open the fucking comedy store, please.

Open the store, please. Just do what you got to do. Open comedy clubs up. You got our support. Why isn't it an essential business? It seems like it should be. It's certainly more essential than some of the other fucking businesses. Think about how much different is the contact, the close proximity to contact that you get if you were in a comedy show versus if you were in line at a store and you're handing a cashier your money and they're giving you money back

and you're looking at it, you're touching hands. Yeah, exactly. You're inches away from each other. Yeah, you're face to face. Yeah, the guy who's bagging your shit, he's bagging it inches from you. He's putting it in the thing. He hands it to you. Thank you.

You pass by someone here. You pass by someone there as you're leaving. You're doing that shit all the time. It seems pretty simple to you. Thank you. You pass by someone here. You pass by someone there as you're leaving. You're doing that shit all the time. It seems pretty simple to me. You take the forehead temperature, make sure everybody enforce the masks, separate by table, you know, take out half the fucking tables and call it a day. Here's what's crazy. People don't even want you talking about this, Adam.

I know. This is what's weird about it. They get mad if you talk about it, if you even come up with solutions, if you even have a perspective other than what's going on right now exactly. That's not good. No, it's not great. That's not good.

We need, no one needs, no one knows what the fuck is the right thing to do here, right? Yeah. Look, as much as I love Korean baseball, I want to go to work. I want to go back to work exactly fuck this i'm sick of it man that's what i'm saying come on garcetti

just keep if people want to be quarantined let them be quarantined but don't make everybody be quarantined yeah you more man destroy everything everybody's worked for in terms of their businesses that's hard and i mean honestly that is heartbreaking it is heartbreaking and every day that it goes on it gets more and more severe i'm more for safety and health and all that shit but but i think uh just like everything else in the world we need balance we need to really think about this and come up with some solutions and not just say no. I don't like the narrative, particularly in this case, because it's not what we thought it was going to be in terms of the fatality rate. I don't like the narrative that you're protecting people,

that you have to listen to them because it's protecting other people. I don't like that narrative. I don't think there's only one way to protect people. Another way to protect people would be isolate those people and don't pretend that you can't do that. Because if you can shut down the whole world, you can isolate the vulnerable. You can. You did a monumental thing already. The most monumental thing really ever. Told people to stop working and they did. Most of the world stopped working for a couple months. It's pretty crazy. Pretty wild. But then you're saying you can do that, but you can't figure out how to isolate people

that are vulnerable and give people the opportunity to make their own decisions. You let them fucking go dirt bike riding, right? You let them do backflips with motorcycles. People do a lot of wild shit. Nobody has a problem with that. But if you tell them that they can't go out and possibly

get themselves infected because they'll infect somebody else, like educate people, educate people. And if they do do it anyway, that fucking piece of shit, they were probably going to put people in danger in some other way. They're probably drunk drive with their mom. Yeah. You know, it's probably an asshole. It's like you gotta be, you gotta be cognizant of the vulnerable people for sure.

But you also have to give people the opportunity to earn a living. To not be homeless and fucking hungry. If they're willing to risk being sick, you've got to give them the opportunity to do that. I'm all for that. You've got to give them the education to help them get over that cold, to help them keep that virus from getting to them with all the precautions that everybody's using every day anyway.

Yeah, the structure to make sure that they're as safe as possible. Exactly. Yeah, that's it. But people don't even like that you're talking about it. Oh, my God. That's insane. They're angry. They're so angry at them.

Me, personally? Specifically? Yeah, you right now, because you already talked about it. Yeah. You talked about it with me. You definitely got a secondhand high. I probably did. Yeah, you did.

How do you know? I could tell. Oh, well, that's not good. You got just a touch. I probably did. Yeah, you did. How do you know? I could tell. Oh, well, that's not good. You got just a touch. Just a touch. It's the perfect amount. Yeah, like if you're an alcoholic and you hang out with people who drink, it doesn't do a goddamn thing for you.

No, nothing. Nothing at all. But if you're a smoker and you decide to take a little time off and you're around people that smoke weed, you catch a breeze. I remember I did a show with Tripoli in Toronto. They have this underground... That's all I got.

Lizard people! We did the show at that underground place in Toronto that's all weed. Do you know about that place? It's the most preposterous show you've ever done in your life. And Tripoli, I think,

hot boxing the fuck out of everybody. They had bongs on the table. It was insane. I was just looking out at a cloud. There was a cloud in front of you. You could barely see with the spotlight and then all the smoke in the room. You barely saw what was going on. And you were so high. There was a cloud in front of you. You could barely see with the spotlight and then all the smoke in the room.

You barely saw what was going on, and you were so high. There was no air. It was all weed. There was no air left. Like, the candles were running on weed smoke. There was no air in the room. Fuck that. It was all just weed smoke.

So Tripoli didn't even smoke anything, but 10 minutes into his act, he forgot where he was. Of course he did. He was on another planet. Yeah that's a problem with Texas. They don't let you have the weed. Oh. Oh really? In Austin? I think you have to. It's a statewide thing. What do you, what is the, does he have to have AIDS? They have some CBD laws I think. Yeah they let you have CBD, right? I was Googling earlier. They have some talk of potentially passing laws for recovery from lost money, legalizing it. What I've found out of doing my Texas studies, because I have been doing research,

is often in particular it's a very interesting combination of liberal folks and conservative folks. Like, conservative, like, red Texas and then blue Austin and then a lot of, like, blue stuff that's going on. And then the governor doesn't want them to do certain things. So the governor doesn't want them shutting down construction sites. But, like, the city of Austin is more blue. Yeah, it's like the black sheep kid. Austin police will stop arrest tickets in most, most, I like that word, most low-level marijuana cases after unanimous city council vote.

What does that mean though? Maybe we'll let you go. Oh. Most. We'll let it go. Most low-level cases. Most of them. Most of them.

What kind of a law is that? What I mean, how do you have that even open to interpretation most? Yeah, do you let people go if they only have a joint most of the time? sometimes What does that mean? Most just let go say it's just weed you fucks Jesus I love Austin. But the problem is, like, you don't get a place as, like, fiercely independent as Texas, as, like, buck wild as Texas without all that other stuff, too.

Austin, it's like the artist colony of Texas. But the people that are, like, right-wing Texas think Austin's going to fuck it up for everybody. Yeah. And that the mayor's fucking up. It's interesting. It's interesting to see the little battle that's going on because people want to keep it the way it is. They know it's special,

and they're worried that the liberals are going to fuck it up and the liberals are worried that the Trumpers are going to fuck it up. Right, and isn't Austin's thing, isn't their motto, keep Austin weird? No, that's only losers who sell t-shirts at the airport well that's all i really hang out with when i go to austin i just hang out at the airport those keep something weird are the they're the grossest of all t-shirts i couldn't agree they're the baby on board of t-shirts you know fuck out of here with that. So ridiculous.

Keep Austin weird. Shut up. You're not weird. It has a TM at the bottom of it. It's the last thing. You're giving Austin a bad name. No, Austin's great. That t-shirt sucks. No, I'm saying that the Keep Austin weird people are giving Austin a bad name.

Oh, okay. I thought you were accusing me. I got defensive. No, not at all. Damn. So, oh, we didn't even talk about your cult, dude. Oh, all right. Yeah. Yeah, we forgot. We have time? Fuck yeah. All right, okay. I thought you were accusing me. I got defensive. No, not at all. Damn. So, oh, we didn't even talk about your cult, dude. Oh, all right. Yeah.

Yeah. We forgot. We have time? Fuck yeah. All right, good. We have plenty of time. We're not here. All right, good.

I don't even know where to fucking begin. So when did you first become part of the cult? So I got sent away to this cult. It was like a cult boarding school. How old were you? I was 14. I just turned 14 and did your parents know what was going on or did they think uh no they had no idea what did they

think it was they heard it was for a place for troubled kids to get some help and then yeah they had no idea it was a cult wow no what what was it it was uh does it have a name yeah it's called cdu it's a c-e-d-u and they called it that because you could see yourself how you want to be and then you do something about it damn that sounds like something that like tony robbins would say yeah uh it used to be i think it was created from originally from something called synonym Which I think is more well-known, but it's yeah, it sounds like some cheesy not not Tony Robbins But like a low-level like online lesser motivational guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah exactly What you do is see and then do

Yeah, sounds so simple and it is for you. You're going to see what you don't like and you're going to do something about it. Everybody's like, oh my god. Thanks for being here at the Hilton in Alhambra. So this is pre-internet. You're 14 years old. Yeah. 1993. I was a big cutter. Where were you living? I was living

in Tarzana. I grew up in Tarzana. Big cutter. What was that about? I don't know were your friends doing it no no i was doing it i don't i my my dad left and then i started cutting i kind of got and then i was getting into fights at school you know i was uh punching holes in my wall i was an angry kid and so it was sort of an outlet, I guess. And then they kept sending me up to the Northridge psych ward. So I got sent away up to Northridge in the youth psych ward. What did they say about you?

I don't remember specifically what they said. I think they just told my parents. They didn't tell me anything. I think they told my parents probably. And your parents didn't have a sit down with you you and say, Hey psycho. After the third, my mom didn't know what to do with me. But after the third time they said, after the third time I got sent up to the psych ward, they said, uh, if you do this one more time, you know, anything else we're going to have to send you away somewhere a little, you know, more serious probably. Whoa. And so I did

it again. And then, uh, we took a tour up to, they said they were, we were just going to go up to take a tour of the school that I could be sent away to. That was it. They said, if you do it one more time, we're going up and we're going to tour this school. And if you do this one more time, then we're going to bring you back here and drop you off. You're going to stay there. And so we went up to the San Bernardino mountains and we got, uh, we got out of the car. I toured the campus. It was a beautiful campus. It was like, uh, this giant cabin up near Lake Arrowhead. And it used to be, uh, owned by the Houston's, you know, Walter and Angelica and John Houston. Um, and, um, and they were telling me, you know,

uh, just about the school and stuff and all the rules. There were a lot of rules. They called them agreements. And then my parents, uh, I came back and went and talked to my parents and they told me that, uh, I was staying there and I just said, well, fuck you. And then I left and, uh, and they strip searched me. And then, um, and that was it. And then I went into what they call a rap and r strip searched me. And then that was it. Then I went into what they call a wrap. And wraps are intense. So the wrap was this three-hour long kind of like a group therapy session. But everyone is just sort of, oh, my God, it was so bizarre.

So I had only been at the school two hours. I had just been strip searched, and I'd been put into one of these three-hour wraps. And the girl next to me was like rocking back and forth on the chair, sort of like sobbing quietly. And then the kid next to me got up, walked across the room, and switched seats with someone because you weren't allowed to talk to someone next to you. You had to be across across the room and that kid started screaming at the kid right next to me over here and then this one just started screaming at the floor and like started like screaming at the floor like i hate you mom i hate you dad and then someone started putting all the like this kleenex all

these tissues to and i'm like why are they putting all these fucking tissues here and then you just see all the snot and spit and like mucus empty out of this this girl's body because she's just screaming and like blood vessels are popping in her fucking and she's crying and screaming and it was the most disgusting thing you've ever seen fuck and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be here for two and a half years and this is how this is gonna happen three times a week there was a lot of sleep deprivation they had uh what did your parents think it was they thought it they were told by the counselors at the psych ward that it was like a place for um troubled kids when you didn't know what else to do with them. So the psych ward was in on it?

Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. And so I think... Do you think they were fooled? Or do you think that they knew what was going on? I think that maybe they were fooled. I think they were probably fooled. I don't think anybody really knew.

This is pre-internet, right? Yeah, this is all pre-internet. It'd probably be easier to fool people because you can't do a wiki on them. Yeah. I mean, the school, the government finally shut them down. So they were accredited, though, or something. Yeah, I think so.

They were approved by. Yeah. It had been around. CEDA was there, I think, since the 70s, I want to say. Maybe even earlier. Maybe the late 60s. That's the scary ones. Yeah.

The ones with legs. Yeah, yeah, late 60s. That's the scary ones. Yeah. The ones with legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? But it was a really weird mix of students. It was like, I think Paris Hilton went there at one point, and then there was like just a lot of kids there on court orders. Oh, God. And there was, you know, it was just a real mix, weird mix of people.

Wow. But they had these 24-hour what they called profites, and they were all named after a different chapter of the book called The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. Dude, I have to pee so bad. Well, go fucking pee. I'm going to stop you right here, because I can't. I was like, I'm going to hang on to this.

I'll be fine. But I drank three cups of coffee before I got here. Hold, please. I'm sorry. We'll be right back, folks. Okay. Sorry. We're back.

You were saying something about The Prophet based on the Khalil Gibran. How do you say that? Khalil Gibran. Gibran. Yeah. They had these things called prophets. So you go through the program with a peer group. So everybody that was enrolled at the same time as you in the same like two months, you go through these, almost like these rites of

passages called profits. And there were these 24 hour long workshops and they're all based around each chapter of this book called the profit. Um, and the first one was called the truth. And it was like, the truth will set you free. So you basically tell everything you've ever done that you felt bad about. Um, and, uh, it's like confession almost. Um, and what was odd is that all the staff members were, there were a lot of,

there were like two or three staff members who, who are the counselors at the school. They had no real credentials. They weren't like therapists, but they acted as therapists, but they all had fucked up lives too. And so, and some of them, yeah. And so some of them, like there were people that really got off on the power, like many cult leaders do.

And then there were some that were former students there that were sent away for being bad kids. So there were staff members like confessing to, I heard one guy said he claimed that he set a homeless guy on fire another one would strangle cats and they're like these are the fucking people that are teaching us sleep around a dude who used to strangle cats no you couldn't fall asleep in the uh in the profeets uh oh right i mean, no. I think they lived off campus. Oh, okay. Fuck, man. That sounds insane. Yeah, it was pretty wild.

They all have that element in them. That's a Scientology element too, right? And then also Catholicism. You have to confess. Right. There's a thing that Scientology does where they go over all sorts of aspects of your life. And they save that. Yeah, I saw that in the that yeah i save all those recordings and then when you want to talk shit they're like oh well you think about leaving oh fascinating yeah

we're gonna we're gonna tell everybody about that thing that you do with clowns i wonder why they would do it here then because we had no power to like we're all underage we they you know well that's a different different organization yeah you know what they're doing is probably getting power over you i mean it seems like that's what those things are always about they're always about uh power and then usually the main dude's banging everybody's wife right and they get a lot of money the teachers there were teachers that were for sure banging the students there's no doubt about it it is if some look if a guy can lie about what he does for a living right and get laid they'll do it oh yeah it's there's a certain percentage of guys that will do it if they can lie and control people they'll do that too like it's just

different levels of douchebaggery right do you get to that cult leader level? This is like the big boss. Yeah, it's just like everything else, man. This is like King Koopa. Yeah, right. Okay. It's like there's levels of where people can, you know, they could control people in the strangest ways and get people, like the Hale-Bopp comet people. Oh, yeah, exactly. They cut their balls off.

That was a big part of it, like releasing yourself from your sexuality. I don't remember that part of the fucking story. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, the main guy cut his balls off. And he encouraged others to cut their balls off as well, to free themselves from the confines of sexual lust. Fuck. Yeah.

Yeah, you had a, you remember that guy? Remember what he looked like? I remember exactly what he looked like. He almost looked like Mr. Magoo without the glasses. Here's what he looked like. Yeah, there he is. Oh, Magoo, you've done it again. So you don't have to have a good hustle to start a cult.

Like, that's not a good hustle. That's a terrible hustle. But you need to have a hustle that works good on dumb people. Right. And that's the difference. Just like the guy when Frank Santos used to do his hypnotism acts, his stitches, there was a guy that would come in his pants. It would just be every hour, you know.

He would do different things different times. He'd make things things up he had a bunch of different things he would do but i remember one of them he's like uh this was a madonna was hot oh sure this he was telling this guy that he's having sex with madonna it might have been janet jackson someone like that someone very popular at the time someone hot and popular and then and he's like you're gonna oh my goodness you're gonna pop and the kid's like oh the kid comes and you're like i don't believe this we're all looking at each other and greg was like for sure he came i'm like for sure that guy just came that guy came and he like looks all embarrassed he's like looking around confused he's not a good actor he's just a moron there's certain things that some guys can do to really dumb people where they can sink into their brain but stand-up is similar to that but not not not really it's similar to

hypnosis that kind of hypnosis is weird hypnosis it only works on really moronic people very susceptible yeah there's vulnerable people man maybe it might not even be dumb. It might be just, you got programmed poorly. Like I know a lady who's Mormon, her whole life's Mormon. And one of the things she said that was kind of shocking. She was like, I'm more, cause she, she left that religion and she's like, but I'm very susceptible to, to bullshit. Like I'm very susceptible to like gurus and cults. It's like, there's a part when you develop your whole life 35 45 years of Thinking a certain way and then all sudden it's shut off and you're like, okay that all that stuff Do you believe that was all bullshit? So don't go there anymore now. Good luck

Who's got the answer? Those are the ones right for the picking. So it might not even be dumb. It's more... They're lost. They need some direction. They need... Yeah, something. Yeah, something.

Program poorly. Well, I wasn't... I don't think I was... There he is. There's Frank Sanos. Oh, wow. This is the comedy connection. This is when they moved to Outer Stitches.

This is the larger room that was in Faneuil Hall. He did a little bit. A little bit. Do you got any volume on this? He's making them all think they just watched a sad movie in this clip. Yeah, see? They're all crying. These people are all freaking out. These people are all freaking out. These people are all freaking out.

Dude, you had to see it in real life. This is not doing it justice. It's just like the guy. Who was it? There were certain people that were faking it. Flip Orly. He could tell when you're faking it. He would walk up to you and go, come on, man.

You're not under. Get out of here. Exactly. And he kicked those guys out. I love that. There was other guys that just hook, line, and sinker. Yeah're faking it. He would walk up to you and go, come on, man. You're not under. Get out of here. Exactly. And he kicked those guys out. I love that. There was other guys that just hook, line, and sinker. Yeah. They want it.

Yeah. They believe they're having sex with a mermaid or something. They believe they were in a sword fight. That's so fascinating to me. Yeah. It is. And that's who gets caught into the Hale-Bopp comment and gets their balls cut off. Their dick balls.

Yeah. Fair enough. I don't think they cut it down. Fair enough. Either way, it's pretty intense. It's an intense commitment to your fake God. I went along with it because I didn't want to extend my sentence. If you got in trouble and you didn't play along

and you didn't follow the rules, then you add six months to your sentence and you drop a peer group. But you didn't know going in that it was a cult. No. When do you think you figured it out? Until I was like, until like a fucking two years after I had graduated.

Oh my God. So two years after it's all over, you're sitting around going, Hey, I think, I think like I started talking to someone. They're like, didn't you think that was a little weird

when they did this or this or that and I was like don't you mention it wait a minute yeah we had to do 14 days through Joshua Tree which was beautiful which was great but then a four day solo

where they give you like a bag of trail mix and some water and a whistle and they say all right we'll come back in four days but as a 14 year old it's like what the fuck what the fuck yeah it was intense but the worst where was this where the woods uh in joshua tree that's a fucking sketchy area yeah 14 years old in the desert yeah that's crazy yeah where are we supposed to get your water you had a big bag water? You had a big bag of water. A big bag of water for four days? Yeah, a bag of water for four days.

How big is this bag? I don't know. You have your own bag? Yeah. Yeah, you were alone. They give you an area about half the size of this room, this studio. What? And they say, all right, we'll come get you in four days.

Here's four granola bars, a bag of trail mix, and a bag of water, and a whistle in case you get bit by a rattlesnake or some shit. Oh, my God. And then- So where are they when this is happening? They're nowhere near you? They said they were around, and I think they monitor you. So they probably saw a lot of beating off.

14 years old. I think I spent most of my days- If I was a 14-year-old and I came up with a cult, that would be one of beating off. 14 years old. I think I spent most of my days. If I was a 14-year-old and I came up with a cult, that would be one of the rules. What was the rule? No beating off? No, no, no. I'd be like, you're going to all be by yourself for four days. You get four granola bars and a bag of water.

It sounds like something a 14-year-old would come up with as far as the rules. It sounds like an episode of fucking Fear Factor. And here's a whistle. If you get bit by a rattler. I'll be over the top of the hill. You won't see me, but I'll be able to hear you. That sounds like a 14-year-old. I'll never forget, too, when we came out,

they told us Kurt Cobain had just killed himself. So it was 94. But I remember if you get in trouble, they put you on something called a full time. And that was never fun because it was like you had no it was the amount of time of the full time was in the turn. So it was based on the staff member. It was either you ran away or you had sex with another student or I know. Yeah.

Kids are banging. Not me. In between snotty screams yeah a lot of primal scream therapy but but on a full time like you wake up and you have to like try and dig out a stump that's been there since the 70s no one was ever gonna fucking take it out the biggest stump you've ever fucking seen i remember when i got enrolled the first thing i saw was a kid and a pickaxe and i'm like what the fuck bro that's why they have dynamite yeah and then dynamite well they used it for full times but you're not allowed to laugh or sing or no human contact you can't talk to

anybody for three weeks oh my god they're mine that's how long i was yeah they mind fucked you there was something called smushing where everybody it was like you walk into this giant house at the every night and everyone is telling each other their life stories but it looked like you remember jonestown when like the 909 people had just drank the kool-aid and it was just body on top of body that's what it looked like everyone's just cuddling with each other oh my god and it's like all the staff members are fucking rubbing hair of like the girls. Jesus Christ. You're like, this seems highly inappropriate with like girls, 13-year-old girls head in their lap.

Oh, God. Yeah, it was fucking, it was trippy. But yeah, my buddy, our buddy, Jeff Garland put me in touch with this fantastic writer who writes a lot of episodes of Better Call Saul, and we're almost done with our pilot. We're going to pitch it in about a month. I feel like that's one that's going to be fascinating to see how they play that narrative out, like whether they will show that kind of shit, like a 13-year-old girl in a guy's lap.

That seems like you can't even do that we'll see you can't even do that in fiction you know i mean you'd have to imply it that's a good point well i mean if everybody's fully clothed the problem is it really happened yeah right so it's not like it's fiction so if you were creating this kind of fiction you're putting it out people would be like what you sick fuck why did you even think of that but you're not doing that that's true yeah you're you're relaying some crazy shit that you actually experienced and how many years are you there for uh almost three wow yeah some of the exercises were crazy they did this one called lifeboat where they choose two students i was one of the students

they chose and you're on a chair and you can only save two people and all your best friends and shit are sobbing and they're like oh please pick me and you have to look each person in the eye and tell them why they they die what the fuck and then they and then everyone had to write their own eulogy it's fucking weird a girl slit her own throat. Oh, Jesus. And another kid jumped off a cliff. See, this is where I'm with the FBI. This is where I take their side. I'm like, I get it. I know why you have to investigate these people.

I understand why you're so wary of people starting cults. Because I was saying this to my friend. I'm like, how come no one has ever started a good cult? Bridget Phetasy and I were talking about this the other day. I said, we should just call it the cult, like, you know, in homage to the band. What about Death Squad? But it's not a cult. I'm just kidding. But I'm saying a real cult.

Like, no one can start a good one. Like, a real solid one with, like, good morals. Like, they're always the same. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're on to something. I think I'm on to something. This is why the FBI is forced to jump in.

Because it's almost like a thing that's 99% done by assholes. But 1%, I'm looking for that needle in a haystack. I'm looking for that piece of gold in the pile of shit. I know it's in there. One of those cults is someone who really just has good intentions. Do you know who Alex Gray is? Oh, yes. I love fucking Alex Gray. He does a lot of psychedelics.

He might be one. He is actually a guy. You're absolutely right. He's the real deal. Because he actually started a religion, and the religion is based on art. It's not based on profit, and he's building the most insane, beautiful, artistic structure. I love his shit. The thing that they're building to

do their worship in, I don't know what you call it, cathedral. He called a cathedral. What does he call it? Chapel Chapel of sacred marriage, right? Isn't that what he calls it? I heard about this fuck No, that's I think that's what he called The place in New York. I think he calls this something different This but you've seen it right have you seen the images? I've seen I have I have the images? I have one art book I think it's in there maybe No I don't think so

but some of the images from his art are in the cathedral the whole thing is like this gigantic work of art I don't know if they're 3D printing the outside or Cosm is the chapter of sacred mirrors and then Entheon is that place they were making.

Entheon is the place up in upstate New York. I think Duncan said he was there. He belongs there. He's going to move there. That makes sense. That checks out. Yeah, totally. Duncan could start a good cult.

I fucking saw a cult. Duncan would be a great cult leader. That's what it looks like from the outside. That's stunning. Dude, it's dope. It's basically his art, but his art in a building. He made a building out of his art. That's cool. It's dope. It's basically his art, but his art in a building. He made a building out of his art. That's cool.

It's crazy. This seems like it would be in Sedona or something. No, man. It's in upstate New York. Yeah, and they're like good tax payers and shit. And it's a real religion. So I think they have, actually, they're not good taxpayers. They have tax exempt status.

I think that's the whole deal. Oh, shit. Good for them. That's what I'm saying. I think they're a real religion. Yeah, there it is. He's a guy that I believe. Yeah, he seems like a good dude. He's not trying to

take everybody's money and bang everybody's wife. He's really just this guy. He's a really sweetheart guy and an amazing artist. There are people like that. You know him and Ram Dass. Yeah, Ram Dass is a great example Yeah, there's people that really do exist or did exist. They really are pure. This is really what they want to do Yeah, that's true. I don't know if this guy started out that way. Who knows? Yeah, one out of a hundred

One in a hundred most of them get to that spot and they just you know, it's like when when they get into it in the first place, are they doing it because it's been done to them? Like some of them clearly, right? Some of them seems like they were a victim of it. The staff members for sure. That's why I know the one who like set the homeless guy on fire. I know that for sure. That's why he did it.

He got put through this bullshit. He was going to inflict it on somebody else. Wow. Yeah. Garbage. Garbage people. got put through this bullshit he was going to inflict it on somebody else yeah garbage garbage people and then the craziest thing was maybe about seven or eight years after i graduated a lot of kids would split i split you run away but then you get caught or you walk or you come back to the school once you find out your parents aren't going to take you out but a lot of kids never came

back and we just that's it That was just the fact to the kids. We don't know what the fuck happened to them. They would always tell us that the parents pulled them out of the school, that some of the kids that ran away and never came back. But it was on the side of this giant, like almost like a cliff, this backside of a mountain. And some kids would walk down into town through the road. And some kids they said would run away and go down the backside of the mountain. And they said would run away and go down the back side of the mountain and they said some kids died going down the back side some kids got kidnapped who fucking knows but uh i found out about seven or eight years after the club was closed they

found out that there was actually a serial killer that was working at the school. He was like the night janitor kind of guy, and confessed to murdering like a handful of kids that we thought ran away. And he got caught for something else and then confessed to all these murders he had committed over the last decade. And four of them were kids while he was working up at the campus.

Holy shit. Crazy. And that was while I was there. Bonkers. Fuck. Pretty wild. So it took you a few years. Was it a relationship that you were in where a girl was explaining to you? No, it was while I was talking to former students.

Oh. And then it started opening my eyes and I was like, oh, yeah. So it wasn't talking to someone who wasn't in it. Oh. And then it started opening my eyes and I was like, oh yeah. So it wasn't talking to someone who wasn't in it. Right. It was talking to someone who was in it. Yeah. So together you were like going, hey, I've talked to some other people. And.

Exactly. That's not what 14 year olds do. Right. Fuck, man. And then when Facebook, it was even longer than that, because I think then when Facebook came out, then it was like, there were all these groups and everyone's like, yeah, we were in a cult. There was a lot of them, I think, in the 60s and the 70s. Yeah.

I think there was a lot of them where there was a lot of people that were experimenting with different lifestyles and they're experimenting with drugs. And then there was a lot of people. Whenever you do drugs around people, there's always people that have answers. Right. Annoying people that have answers. I'm one of those people. Well's like charles manson that's what that right he gave everybody acid sure new true crime podcast the lost kids exposes the twisted troubled teen industry oh oh wow wow see do schools just came out wow what kind of timing is this? Look at that. I got to reach out.

The new podcast investigates missing teen Daniel Yuen. How do you say that, you think? Yuen? I don't know. When? When. When? Yeah, maybe when.

When? Sorry, Daniel. Sorry, Daniel. In the controversial See Do Schools. Interesting. Six episodes. Wow. Wow, fascinating.

I'll definitely be checking that out. Yeah, man, there was a whole time where people were, you know, regularly getting together groups of people and getting them to do things and telling them things and telling them, you know, you've got to drink the Kool-Aid and telling them you've got to come with me, we've got to kill that pregnant lady and write pig on the wall. All that shit came out of cults. All of it.

And the Manson one, Fitzsimmons turned me on to this guy that wrote this. The guy that wrote the book. Yes. Yeah. Dude, have you heard of it? I've heard all about this guy. This guy's name is Tom O'Neill, and his book is called Chaos. It says Chaos.

Oh, that's for sure. Charles Manson and the CIA's Mind Control Experiment. Charles Manson, the CIA, and the Secret History of the 60s. Yeah, Norm wanted to interview him on our podcast so many times, like for a long time. He's amazing. You should have him on because he lived it for 20 fucking years. Fuck. So he can talk to you about it in a depth and with

a without even looking at notes, man. He knows everything about the Manson case. It was his life for 20 fucking years. Dude, it's crazy. The book's amazing. It was all the CIA was giving them acid. Manson, they kept releasing from jail.

He kept violating parole. They'd let him go. They let him go. They knew he was doing crazy shit'd let him go They let him go they knew he was doing crazy shit Let him go let him go they wanted him To get these hippies to do fucked up things Because it would disgrace the anti-war movement And it would get people to Be against hippies So he literally like let

Charles Manson have carte blanche and they think Even experimented on him with acid While he was in jail And then when he was out of jail, there was a fucking clinic, a free clinic in Haight-Ashbury that operated until Tom's book came out. It had been in operation for 30 or 40 fucking years. No, more. It was like 50 years from the 60s.

Tom's book comes out, and they close it. They close down this free clinic a couple of months after his book comes out and they close it they close down this free clinic a couple of months after his book comes out showing that that free clinic was being used in the 1960s by the cia to dose up hippies and follow them around and do studies on them and then dose up johns in whorehouses they set up fake whorehouses with two-way mirrors and let these guys take acid they thought they were getting a drink and they're gonna have sex with a prostitute. And they would pour acid into their mouth and follow them and fucking run studies on them. Fucking crazy.

Oh, that was real. It's called Operation Midnight Climax. A real thing that happened. That's fucking awesome. Bro, this Tom O'Neill book blows the lid off of it. You're like, this is insane. It's insane. That's wild.

Fitz Simmons told me about it fitz simmons doesn't recommend anybody but he just goes you have to get this guy on your podcast he goes it's right up your alley and it's fucking crazy and when you you hear the whole story like oh my god of course like holy shit of course that's fucking of course bonkers they fucking experience here's the thing i was going to talk about. I watched over this past weekend the entire Netflix special on the Unabomber. There's a four-part special on the Unabomber. And it mentions a lot of fucked up things about the Unabomber. I don't want to spoiler alert anybody, but one thing it kind of leaves out was that he

was a part, I'm pretty sure this has been documented, the CIA LSD Harvard drug studies really yeah Yeah, that he was he was a part of some sort of psychological study in Harvard for three years by the way He was he graduated from school early, so he was at Harvard when he was 17 17 year old kid They're putting him through this psychological study where they humiliate you and And break down your ideas and call you a fool and there's recordings of it of him talking to an adult

17 year old kid talking to an adult who's just openly mocking him and his ideas and shitting on him and they think they gave these kids they think they gave these kids acid too wow for what purpose? because they were being sadistic

it was just like a cult you give people too much power they do whatever the fuck they want And one of the things he said to his – For what purpose? Because they were being sadistic. They were being sadistic. It was just like a cult. You give people too much power, they do whatever the fuck they want. In this case, he gave people too much power and he said, you know what? Let's find out what acid does do to people. Let's find out what happens when you humiliate a kid and break him down and give him acid. Let's try. And so they would just ruin people's lives.

And they did it to a ton of people, man. That's so fucked up. Yeah, dude. They just experimented. They didn't know what acid really was. They weren't exactly sure what it would do or what it could do they thought it was going to be a true serum then it turns out it's not that like what is it so they did all kinds of experiments with people and the best way to do them initially was get volunteers but after the volunteers were fucking going crazy and losing their marbles and and like staring in the corner like blair witch project nodding back and forth, they ran out of volunteers.

So then they started using prisoners and they started using students. They started using a bunch of different people, using people that weren't going to say anything about it, like Johns at a brothel. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, bro. It's bonkers. So what was crazy is they didn't mention none of that in the Kaczynski Netflix thing. And I thought that was fascinating because there was another documentary called The Net.

I believe it was a German documentary. It's in subtitles and it was explaining that as well. But it was going into depth more about the LSD studies that they did on them. People were just starting to understand like there really was a time where they were experimenting on people. That's a real thing. Fuck. I mean, it was going on for a while. They were taking people and running experiments on innocent people.

That's crazy. This is a part of our history 50 years ago. The only studies I've seen is, like, the famous videos, like, when they give it to, like, a housewife. There's all this stuff called mk ultra and mk ultra was a real project where they were really experimenting on people to find out what would happen to them fuck this is also look there's there's people that are experts on how to extract information out of people you know there's people that are actually how do you think they get to be those experts what do they do will they experiment what are they experimenting on probably prisoners they probably do with prisoners that's what they did with charles manson right they experimented

on him with acid and they taught him how to manipulate others with acid how to use acid to break down societal norms and break down all the structure they had in terms of what was okay and not okay in relationships and their relationship to society How society was fucking them over he would force him to have orgies and go you're gonna have sex with her and he's gonna have Sex with him and put everybody together and they all do gay straight all acid all fucked up and literally He would pretend to take acid and then like guide them right and guide their thoughts and program them And he did it every night and everybody was like well where'd he get the acid where's he getting all that acid he's getting it from the fucking government wow dude that's fucking bonkers dude dude i gotta read this

and he was emboldened first of all he was a fucking psychopath from with a terrible childhood right his childhood was just just he was just destroyed by the time he was a grown man lived half of his life in federal institutions half of his life from the time he got out before helter skelter half of his life he had been in federal prison jesus crazy he spent almost his entire life in prison he was and most likely he's they're pretty sure they were involved in acid studies during that time at least towards the end before they release him so they release him and he's been in jail a ton of times for everything fucking stealing cars all kinds of shit right and they release him and he just getting away with things like when he does things like they think he murdered a guy they think a murdered a guy at the ranch the guy disappeared and he confessed to it later just never found that guy and then he

talks these kids into killing people talks these kids into stabbing people and robbing people. And, bro, I mean, it's it's and he keeps getting out. They arrest him for stuff and they keep letting him go. And no one could understand it. Dude, it's nuts. It's when you when you read the book. I listen to the audio book. Hardly ever read anymore.

But when you when you listen to the story, it's at the end of it. You're like, whoa Well that makes sense That's what they were probably doing back then They probably did stuff like that back then and he connects it to Sir Hans or Han. Yeah, the guy Okay, sure Kennedy. Yeah, he connects it to Jack Ruby the guy who shot Lee Harvey Oswald He's like, yep, Jack Ruby after this one doctor shot Lee Harvey Oswald. What? Jack Ruby, after this one doctor, this Dr. Jolly, this famous LSD doctor from that clinic, went to visit Jack Ruby after he shot Lee Harvey Oswald. When he leaves, Jack Ruby's crawling off the ceiling, screaming and yelling.

He's delusional, demented. He thinks that there's a new Holocaust happening right now and they're lighting Jewish babies on fire in the street. He loses his mind. Completely loses his mind after this guy visits him. After this LSD doctor who worked with Manson. Dude.

That's crazy. It's the craziest book. You need that book in your life. What's it called? Chaos. I think back in the 50s and 60s, they just tried things. That's a great way to look at it. Yeah, sure. Just try some shit. They just tried things.

They're like, let's see what happens when we do this. Did you see anything about Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, and LSD experiments at Harvard? experiments at Harvard? Digging through, there's a book that came out called Harvard and the Unabomber. Digging through here, it doesn't specifically say that

those tests had LSD in them, but they were psychological tests that happened at Harvard to undergraduate students in the late 60s. Or maybe even... Yeah, they brushed over it in the late 60s or maybe even. Yeah, they brushed over it in the documentary, the Netflix thing, about how they would use drugs on patients. But they didn't. They were talking about a variety of methods and they sort of glossed over the fact and drugs.

But LSD was a critical part of that because if they dosed them up all the time they could just rewire them right like you could rewire someone's brain yeah you're just starting from scratch kind of brother book will blow your mind yeah i've already it already has and as it gets further along it builds i mean it's a masterpiece the guy did it over 20 years he literally gave up his life searching this thing and then gave birth this 20 year old baby it's amazing i can't wait to see this fucking baby but i think like when i'm watching the unabomber thing and i'm thinking how many people like that this 20 year old baby it's amazing I can't wait to see this fucking baby but I think like when I'm watching the Unabomber thing and I'm thinking how many people like that aren't suitor murderous but lost their fucking mind

exactly because of some crazy experiments Oh because of someone doing something back in the 60s but it's how is that different than a cult I mean it's different in that I guess it's different in that different than a cult? I mean, it's different in that I guess it's different in that they're not taking you to a place and making you be but but but it's not in terms of One person with an extraordinary amount of power is using and abusing that power in a way that no one would ever consent to and they Don't understand it. They don't understand it. They can't understand it Yeah, because you know in your case when you're 14 you're a fucking little kid Yeah, in this case when you're on acid like they're they're doctoring your neurochemistry

They're changing the way your fucking brain interfaces with reality and then programming you talking to you Anybody who doesn't think that that is insane that that and when you find out that that actually went on like whoa has anybody been Held accountable for that like that that and when you find out that that actually went on like whoa has anybody been held accountable for that like what happened there people still deny it to this day apparently but there's been some freedom of information act documents and some other documents they found that were in cia storage that confirmed the existence of this program and some of the things that they were trying to do that That's so fucking fascinating. And they shut it all down.

Once this one guy who was running it died, they're like, that's it. Wrap it up. We're out. You imagine coming on board the CIA like a year later, not having any idea and everybody's mad. Like what? I'm here to, I'm looking for terrorists. The fuck are you talking about?

Acid and hookers. Like what? Who is doing what? Sign me up. There's no documentation of that readily available to new recruits. They don't tell you. You sign up for the CIA, you think you're a good guy who's here to save the world

from bad people. Right. And meanwhile you're coming in right on the heels of the regime that was literally operating whorehouses with two-way mirrors dosing plumbers up with acid. That's fucking crazy. Poor guys. Can you imagine just going to

have some sex, pay someone to touch your body, and they give you acid? They bill Cosby you with some fucking acid and then study you. And that's the government. And your taxes are all paying for that. Whoa. That's cult shit.

But that's like, that's what people do, man. If they, if they have that kind of power, if you get, give people just, first of all,

also, if you give people that are in the position of like any government agency or a police officer, that's seen a lot of violence they've seen a lot of crazy shit they've seen like the worst side of people and then you give them this like super secret power where no one could know what they're doing and they could literally ghost people they can make people vanish you could just shoot somebody in the head and throw them in the ocean no one's gonna say anything everybody's on your side You're one of the good guys.

People would just do stuff like that. Yeah, for sure. They need to be held accountable. Definitely. That's what the rules are for. The rules are to keep people from being people. Yeah, accountability is very important. Yeah. You've got to keep people from giving in to the primal people nature.

I like that, primal people nature. It seems like that's what those cults are, man. It's like there's a combination of stupid, uninformed narcissism and that weird primal nature to tell people what to do. Yeah. And you bang it all together with some delusional person with some good vocabulary and some wild stories of what's waiting for them after the Hale-Bopp comet passes overhead and you cut your balls off. It's fucked up. Yeah yeah it's all fucked up how did it affect you once you got out and you realized you were out and you talked to all the other people that were out too and you all realized that you were out how did it affect the what did you have to like remap those years in your head did you have to kind of think about what life is

really like it was it was interesting because i got out when i was 16 so i had to go out as soon as i got out i had two more years of high school so i got thrown at uh down the street at taft i went to taft high school wow in woodland hills and then um yeah did a couple more years there but it was it was tough to get re-acclimated and then yeah i i didn't know I had to retrain my brain. Like I felt like I knew. It was almost like I knew what they were trying to do. I almost felt like I was being brainwashed and we were taught to self-police each other.

Oh, so it's like North Korea style. Like you rat each other out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, you know, they would put you on a full time and you'd have to fucking dig out a stump for three weeks. So when you say we were forced to self-police each other, were you forced to self-police yourself or other guys? Ourselves and others.

Oh, okay. So you had to rat out people too. Yeah. You'd have to write a dirt list every week, which is basically every rule you put. Here's another way the government's fucking kind of culty. They were doing that in LA. They were asking people to find people who weren't social

distancing and report them and then report businesses that were operating during quarantine. You get a reward. Call this hotline. Call this number. Be a rat. Be a bitch. Yeah, be a bitch. There should be a number. 1-800-BE-A-BITCH. But when they call

those numbers, they should have your phone number and then when you go to vote they should go oh look turns out you're a bitch look what you did stupid this guy was barbecuing in his backyard without a mask on you called the fucking feds you creeps people are so crazy they're so absolute and so angry yeah that's insane uh yeah i don't know man and then um so i got out yeah how do you recover how do you like go hey this is all bullshit i think it took some time it took it took years but i i was one of the lucky ones i was was like, you know what? I did it. I took the positives. I was like, you know what?

It wasn't all bad. I learned some tools. And if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I'm not the worst fucking guy in the world. So I made it out. I survived. Fuck it, right? I'm not going to.

There were a lot of people that wouldn't let go. They would just hold on. And to this very day, they hold on so tight to this bitterness and this anger. And they can't sleep at night. And all they think about is what they went through. They lost three years of their life. I do hate that. I do bummed out that I missed out those three years of junior high.

Not if this script gets sold. Yeah, that's true. Come on, man. That's true. That's earned character exactly that's like you know we're talking about with joey diaz like you earned this i totally i not only do i not regret it um there's many many many days more days than not that i wish i could go back and do it all over again i swear to god why i don't know because i don't. It was there was there was a camaraderie. There was it was like there was something about it.

I didn't have to. I had all that other bullshit to worry about, but I didn't have to worry about a roof over my head job. You know, all the other bullshit that you have to worry about. They say that about prison. Yeah. You get institutionalized. Exactly. Yeah.

I heard stories about people even in the Holocaust because you know what they – and you know what the reason – I think it's a very small percentage of people that would have wanted to go back to that. But they said it's because they felt alive. A lot of people said that about war in general. Yeah. During war, they feel like the stakes are so high and everything's turned up to 11. But during war, they feel like the stakes are so high and everything's turned up to 11. You know, I think that's what we're talking about when we're talking about the pandemic, the early days of the pandemic. I felt like there's going to be good for people.

It's going to be a little bit of a lesson. But I'm much more cynical now. Yes. Because now I see that this is everyone's going to survive, but they're going to be broke and they're going to be i mean it's it's going to harden people's differences instead of force people to abandon a lot of the foolish stuff and concentrate on what's important keeping our loved ones and our family alive keeping each other alive and doing the right thing and protecting ourselves from this invasion of demons invisible demons that can kill your grandpa yeah but then when we realized it wasn't that then everybody sort of settled into this boredom everybody settled into like watching tv all day and eating too much and then the shit talking on twitter got to the point where i'm like i don't even want to read you guys anymore

yeah this is everyone's so angry there's so much anger and um until things bounce back to a steady place i don't think that's going to resolve itself. Well, it's a very divisive issue. But I do hope that some of us, the wise amongst us, some of us that like to think about things are going to look at this and go, maybe my priorities were out of whack. Maybe I was working too much. Maybe I should have just tried to enjoy life and had more adventures and just appreciated people and just more dinners with wine, you know, laughing and hugging each other and just more having fun because there's so much of, so much of life is really horseshit. Yep.

Really like it's, it's hard to, it's hard to recognize it when it's right in front of you and it's, it you and it demands your attention. I know. But it's not the same thing as losing your life. And when that virus came along, like post 9-11, everybody kind of became nicer for a little bit. Yep. I'm hoping that more of us than not will be able to recapture that. I hope so.

Just hold on to what is actually important. And I hope that's sooner rather than later. I also hope that people that have been thinking about doing something but they've been held back by this idea that you're going to play it safe, you realize there's no safe. So good. So write that book. Start stand-up. Make that

album. Fucking start sculpting. Whatever the fuck you're thinking about doing, man. Just go and do it go and do it get out there man i want to kidnap a bunch of people and give them acid i think that's been done all right it turns out terrible shit um when are you going to do your thing with norm again you're going to start soon we've been planning for a while now so now we're just going to um we just need uh to put all the the nuts and bolts into place and then get a get a studio get a camera and and just do it but you're gonna be the first guest i'm in all right

good so just tell me when so i can i can plan ahead uh we're shooting the first one in the fall so oh okay so you're gonna oh you're gonna plan it out you're gonna map it out in advance nice i can't wait and we're're still, yeah, you know. I mean, listen, I love Norm to pieces. He's one of my all-time favorite human beings that have ever lived. I have a great story about Norm, me and him on a plane. And randomly, this is crazy, but true, randomly, twice, I sat next to him on planes. Just randomly.

Oh, wow. Yeah, totally randomly. Like, what's up, Norm? What's up, Norm? Like, crazy. This is happening again. And both times it was a blast. But one time we're flying back and he's like, yeah, I used to smoke and I had to give it up.

It's fucking terrible for you. But sometimes I miss it. But glad I quit. I'm like, how long has it been? He's telling me all these months he stopped smoking. This and that. We're talking. As soon as we land, he walks right into the fucking store, buys a carton of cigarettes,

and he's opening this cigarette. He's lighting it before he gets out the door. And I go, what are you doing? And he goes, oh, that talk about smoking, I had to have one. And the flight from, I forget where we even were, but two times. Both times were just like the best flights. Just like having an audience of one next to one of the greatest comics ever and just be able to talk shit. Yeah, he's probably in my top three favorite stand-up comics of all time.

And he's so quick. And great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. The two greatest people in my life in comedy have been Norm and Spade. They've just been so good to me and I love them both. And they're both equally hilarious in different ways. But Norm, I'll never forget how quick he was and good he was at hosting that podcast. We had Larry King on one time and Larry was like, Norm, I don't think they're going to give you a show.

You know, because he was just fucking outlandish saying the most crazy fucking shit to Larry King. And Larry's like, you know what, Norm? He's like 50 years in the radio business. The one thing I learned is I rarely talk. I always listen. That's why I always learn from the guests, because I'm always listening. And Norm goes, can I interrupt you there?

So I can't wait to come back with this podcast. Norm is the hidden king of the internet. If he decided to have a podcast, it would be the biggest podcast of all time. If he just did it on a regular basis. I know. We just need to get motivated. He's buck wild, dude. He is.

And he's always been. Always. There's whatever the filter, it doesn't even screw into his head. No. There's no filter. There was never a place for it. He's the Charles. Always. There's whatever the filter, it doesn't even screw in his head. No. There's no filter. There was never a place for it. He's the Charles Manson of comedy. Blah.

No, he loves Manson. Does he really? Yeah, we'll definitely get O'Neill on. No way. He's a Manson fiend? Huge. How much does he know about the case? I think he knows.

I'm sure he's read the book several times. You think he's read that book? That chaos book? Okay. Yeah. Good. I need to talk to him about it. Yeah, you have to.

Well, listen, brother. Dude, I can't thank you enough. Always good to see you. Always good. But we got to do this in the VIP bar. Yes. Next time I see you, I hope we're at the comedy store in the shows. Tell everybody your Instagram so they can tell you.

Oh, at Adam eBay. Send me a lot of dick pics. Yeah, send me all the dick pics. At Adam eBay. On Twitter and Instagram? Or just Instagram? Twitter at Adam Eget. Instagram at Adam eBay. On Twitter and Instagram? Or just Instagram? Twitter at Adam Eget. Instagram at Adam eBay.

All right, brother. Thank you. That was fun. God bless you. Thank you so much. Praise Odin to you all. Yes. Bye.

Hail Bob. Dude, thank you so much. I was fucking terrified. I hope I didn't...