The Joe Rogan Experience - #1483 - Jesus Trejo

Episode Date: May 29, 2020

Jesus Trejo is a comedian, actor and writer. His new special "Stay At Home Son" premieres on Showtime on May 29.

Jesus! What's up, man? What's up, brother? Good to see you. Good to see you, man. Thank you so much for this amazing opportunity. I couldn't sleep last night. Oh, get out of here.

Yeah, no, I was excited. I laid down my outfit and ironed it. I'm like, you know, yeah, lint roller. That's so crazy. Dude, you and I have been friends for years. You got to relax. But this is a big deal. I mean, you're...

Try to get that shit out of your head. Try to get that big deal out of your head. Yeah. Just clean it. Clean it. You got a big deal. Tomorrow night, Showtime. Well, when this airs, it'll be tonight.

Yeah, it'll be tonight. Showtime. My first one-hour special. That's amazing. I'm excited for you. I've seen you working it out. It's hilarious shit. Thank you.

And I know you've been really grinding up until this pandemic, but luckily you filmed it. You got under the wire, right? How many months out were you? I filmed it November 2nd. Oh, okay. So you missed it by a couple months. That's good.

Yeah. November 2nd, I filmed it. And people think I named the special Stay at Home Son because of what was going on, but I landed on the title in the summer. It's called Stay at Home? Yeah. Stay at Home Son. Okay. And if I would have named it now, I would have put a comma right in the summer. It's called Stay at Home? Yeah, Stay at Home, Son. Oh, okay.

And, you know, if I would have named it now, I would have put a comma right before the sun. Really drove the point. But, yeah, I was excited. And, yeah, my first one hour is special. It's like one of those things where you dream about it as a kid and here it is and it's like, ooh. How many years have you been doing stand-up now?

13. Oh, that's good. I started when I was 20 and I'm 33 now. There's a thing that's good. I started when I was 20, and I'm 33 now. There's a thing that they say. I don't know who they are, but I say it too. Who are they? Who are they? 10 years.

It takes 10 years to become a real comic. That's what they always say. I don't know why they say that. Is it like the black belt? It's like, you know, it takes 10 years to more or less to get a black belt, and then the learning begins? Well, you're always learning. You know, I think that learning begins stuff is kind of it's a weird way to say it because you're always learning.

You know, I understand what they're saying that there's so you once you understand it's like there's an expression. I think it was either Dennis or Terrence McKenna said that when the bonfire of knowledge increases, the surface area of ignorance is exposed. So the idea is that the more you know, the more you realize the possibilities and the less you really think you ever knew anything. When you're young, your knowledge is so limited and your world is so small that you get cocky and you think also your brain's not fully formed right you think

you know you're way smarter than you really are but as you get older the older i get and the more i understand i'm like oh this is all madness like this whole thing's like tied together with bubble gum and fucking shoestrings they could fall apart and fly off into the universe like this as i get older i i'm less confident in everything i'm more more, I'm more puzzled by everything. And I think I know way less, the more I know, like I know way more than I knew when I was 18, but I'm way less confident. Yeah, that's, that's absolutely true. The older I get, I seem to just even doubt myself more. Cause I'm like, what do I know? It's like, I guess, you know, even in when you first start out and you have those first few minutes you're like oh no this is funny and then you

you know with time you're like that was not funny no at all so it's like you hold things less dear yeah you know there it's not like you know your first five minutes you're like oh man this is you know late night show here we come and it's just like you're looking back like I couldn't believe I was doing that but that's how I tricked myself into doing new material it's just like, you're looking back, like, I couldn't believe I was doing that. But that's how I tricked myself into doing new material. It's like, I imagine that this is day one of stand-up for me, and this is the only material I got, and I think it's hilarious. And I go up there and I try to do it as if I'm starting out, and I think this is, that's the only material I have. Right. That's a good way to do it, man.

That's a good way to do it, man. I mean, I think the method that guys are doing now, like I guess like Louis probably started it off because Louis was doing one a year for a little bit. I think that's too much. I think it's too much one a year. But something happened around that time where I think, I believe Louis C.K. was probably one of the big reasons why people started doing a lot of really regular specials

because he was, if he wasn't the top guy, he was certainly at the top. And you've got to remember that this is when Chris Rock had taken that, he took that self-imposed exile, just decided to not really do shows except whenever he wanted to for like 10 years. So during that time, Louis really came up. And Louis, when he was at its peak, was doing a stand-up special every year. And I think even he thinks that they weren't as good as they could have been if he gave it two years or three years and stuff like that but then

everybody started doing that so throw your material out and then the the number if you go back I bet I bet if we had like a chart that show the number of stand-up specials made like when the internet became really popular in like the 2000s and then things started getting on the internet like YouTube clips, everything just ramped up. Everything in a big way. Just the sheer volume. And everybody does the same thing now. You abandon your material and then you do all new stuff.

And I think like Louis C.K. during that time too, like he disrupted the business model of introducing like the $5 special. So it's like it became something that was like, hey, you know, you can self-produce it, put it out there. There's no middleman exactly. But I feel like the hour, like throwing away the hour every year seems to be like what comics do overseas from what I understand. Like the Edinburgh Fest, they go in, they do the – They do the themes, right?

Yeah, they do kind of like – Have you been? I've never been. I would like to experience that but i i think american comics really like honed this special for years you know and and it takes so long to get the first one and then in between but now it's like you know like you said it happens a lot more everybody's doing it now ari loves that edinburgh he says it right too i say it say it wrong. Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Do you know how? No, it's Scottish extra like Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Yeah. But they do themes, apparently. I haven't been. But the way Ari describes it, it's like, you know, to do a theme on a theme on childhood.

So like this whole hour, they'll write over the year and it'll be dedicated to childhood. No, then they'll go perform it at you know a special and then the next year they have a new theme it's like they favor like the one man show kind of thing yeah yeah yeah yeah you know and but they have their own versions of it right like um there's like the eddie ift version of or eddie izzard rather eddie ift eddie ift the australian version uh eddie if you know eddie right yeah yeah of course american american does a lot of stand-up in australia but the um eddie izzard excuse me his version of it is uh different than say like like who's the ricky gervais i would say it's like the top dog right

that's over here in america from england and does pretty much American-style stand-up. Wouldn't you say? Would you say that? Yeah. Pretty much American-style. I mean, he hosts shows here, so it's more in tune and in sync with what we gravitate towards here in the States, I believe. Well, he's also a very brave social commentator.

When some shit's going down, he's usually got a hot take, and it's usually controversial, but usually correct. You know, he's got balls. He's a critical thinker. You know, I put him in that category. And I think, you know, a lot of comedians have this critical thinking mind. I'm not one of those.

I'm more of the goofier side of things. But in the spectrum of comedy, I think there's like Gervais and, you know, it's like Chappelle and yourself that kind of dissect a certain element of a premise. It's like they walk down an alley and they flash the flashlight on the tangents and explore it. It's almost like a modern-day philosopher, I feel like. Back then, they would go to the plaza, talk these points out, but now it's comedy. Well, one thing I've noticed, in particular in these last couple of months, when we haven't been able to do stand-up, first of all, some people are figuring out how to do it anyway.

Like Andrew Schultz got it nailed. Andrew nailed it. He's got it nailed. Nailed it. He's absolutely making the most. They're so fun to watch. Yeah. I'd be turning the phone before he tells me to turn it.

Like, that's how excited I am real quick. Dude, he's put out some fucking amazing ones. That one on Joe Biden was just epic. It was epic. I didn't see that one. Oh, my God. How Biden's the perfect president for right now because the world is fucking crazy. I did see that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. Yeah. It's like he's writing these pieces and then he's doing a different thing because the comedy clubs aren't available, which is where he would be working all this stuff out in the comedy club. So instead of just waiting, he said, no, I'm going to just do it and I'm going to make this content and just make it so good

I don't even need an audience. Like everything's rapid fire. It's all monologue. He's having fun. You can tell he's being silly and having fun. They're great, man. They're great. It's presented perfectly.

Yeah, everything about it, it's impeccable. It really is. And my boy Tim Dillon, his shit that he's been doing during this pandemic, it's been some of the best. I saw the one you posted yesterday, hysterical. Oh, my God, he's an animal. He's an animal. And he's so prolific.

I love that. He's always working, always doing something. Yeah, he's bulletproof for sure. He's so good. Yeah. Yeah, he's so funny and just the sweetest guy ever. He's the best guy and i think that like there's a real hope for the future stand-up knowing that in this dangerous

time guys like that are still out there swinging from the hips like throwing bombs you know like andrew schultz throws bombs he tells you he would he's saying the shit in these videos that he would say if you guys were just hanging out. Yeah. And he's like, fuck it. And that liberty could— This is what's funny. Yeah, it's like I feel like that liberty can be taken now because there's no network in the forefront.

It's his channel. He can take those risks. He's not worried about getting let go, per se, of anything. Yeah. But there is some kind of repercussion on social media. Social media people are like, you know, they're adding him and stuff like that you know reaching out but not that it matters. He does the comedy he wants to do and I think that's satisfying as a comic to see.

It's the only way he could do it. He's one of those dudes. He's got you know he's an all in. Marches to the beat of his own drum. There's guys that'll step into like traditionally comics have been kind of lazy. A lot of us are alcoholics a lot of us gamble a

lot of us sleep late and irresponsible and you know and for the longest time before all these specials were getting produced a lot of guys were doing the same material forever just kept doing it forever never never well now you're forced into this position where you can't really you can't really do that when when there's no shows so who steps up and who does stuff and like picks up the pace of the stuff that they're doing online and that's that's where schultz has come in tim dillon and and a lot of these guys are doing that you know uh fahim does he does a lot of hilarious he's so funny he's so funny man so unique fahim anwar has a a bunch of great shit with him having conversations with him yeah he's he's he's so funny and and and again he he recognizes that that he can write his own

stuff and just puts it out there and it's it's it's done very simple like editing wise but i mean it's all phones. It's great. It's great. He's one of the guys that I love watching at the store, Fahim and Jamar Neighbors. I mean, it's just- Dude, no one's ever done the Instagram better than Kyle Dunnigan. I've said that before. I'll say it again to the day I die.

That motherfucker- Goes in? Oh, my God. Have you paid attention to his face swaps? Have you ever watched Kyle Dunnigan's shit? No, no. You never seen Kyle Dunuhamel and shit? I've got to follow him.

Yeah, I've got to follow him. Oh, my God, dude. He's got a bit where Bill Maher is in a gangbang, and you can't breathe when you watch it. It's so preposterous. It is so preposterous, and it's that really bad face swap, which makes it better. Right. Because when it's too Dr. Fakenstein or the Fakening, those guys are scary. Yeah, it's not fun. They do it or the Fakening, those guys are scary.

They do it so good. It's like, what? That's Trump's face on a baby. How did you do that? This stuff looks whack. It's wobbly and shit. But it's like South Park. It doesn't have to be realistic.

And the fact that it's not realistic adds to why it's so funny. You're not attached when Kenny dies every episode. He's not like a real little kid with his head goes flying right that'll be fucked up there's something satisfying comedically when you see the production value not at a hundred percent yes you know it's like we we almost accept it more yes yeah but you you'll allow things to get through your filter right because like they're like cartman he doesn't look like a person. It looks like you understand that that's who he is. Like a little kid drew it. Words are coming out of that. So that is the thing.

But when that thing dies, there's no emotional connection. Because it's not a real thing. It's not like a squirrel. You see a squirrel get hit by a car, you're like, ah, fucking little guy. But if you see Kenny get killed, there's nothing. You're like, all right, I can't wait for next episode kind of thing. I mean, the squirrel might come back as a butterfly. It might be a good death.

Right. It might be a good passage for him. That's what's great with cartoons. You know, it's like all of that. It's like, yeah, it doesn't harm. Bro, imagine if that was really what life was. Like you started off as a single-celled thing, and then that died. And the next life you come back as a multi-celled organism, and then that died. And the next life you come back as a multi-celled organism, and then that dies.

And then you work your way through the worm world, the insect world, the spider world. What if we're at the end of a long process that started, not just biologically started with the first single-celled organisms, but that's a graduation that the life form has to go through? I think that would be cool. to go through. I think, I think that would be cool. Cause I am, but I think it would be cool.

And if people had an idea that that's what was happening, I think people would be a lot more mindful. You'd be like, cause you experienced every level along the way. It would mean something to be at the level that we're at. Right. Yeah. People wouldn't take life for granted as much because it's like, man,

I, I have to go through every step of the way to get to here you see what I'm saying when you also run into people that seem like they got a fucked up roll of the dice from the start mm-hmm like almost like even almost like they're starting out life at a deficit from another life like they owe money on their past life like they fucked their past life up so bad they're coming back in this one they're doing their best but you should have paid the tickets off bro and then there's other people that believe shit that's even weirder and all

this shit's weird right because here's what's weird just what we know is true people have sex they make babies those babies live just be a certain time and then they die right and they have sex and they have babies and then we just all keep doing this but everybody's living like they're living forever right that's that's crazy is it so crazy that you do this same life over and over and over again until you get it right is that crazy i don't think it's crazy it's almost satisfying because it's like oh i have another shot at doing it right because this one wasn't here's what i wanted be? But doesn't that, I think that mind fucks you. If you really knew that that was true, you'd be so mind fucked, you would, I don't know if you'd be able to live in the moment.

Right. Yeah, because you would be so concerned and like, ah, I got other lives. I'm not worried about it. Well, not just that, but you would be thinking like, what's the point? It's just, I'm just going gonna do this forever and ever and ever Like am I cool with that? Do you think the human mind wants like a like a kind of a structure an ending like they want to like an ending? I want to know how this ends. Well, this is how you have to look at it

This is how you don't have to look at it this way, but from this is how I look Yeah, that's the way I'll look at it.. We all, we exist in these shifts that we all agree are necessary, like sleep. Like, so we have on and off and on and off. And nobody violates that. There's no, no one gets to not go off. On and off. You could hold off off for a long time. But eventually.

Two days. I've been up for 48 hours boom and you go down you might go down for 12 hours right we all agree that this is a part of this thing that we do so I think we take comfort in like having markers like oh it's lunchtime oh it's dinnertime let's watch a show and then uh i'm gonna take a shower and go to bed and you know it gets to you get to these markers where they they're in your head and it kind of makes life make sense like oh you're just looking forward to the next

thing and looking forward to the next thing but if you knew for a fact that this life goes on forever forever and ever and ever it could go on a million eons you got to get it right right if this life doesn't give a fuck what the 1950s were like or what kind of cars people drove in the 70s this life doesn't give a fuck it's just gonna do the same thing again over and over and over and over and over again yeah there's some kind of yeah maddening kind of that's crazy what if it's even worse talk to me, Joe. What if you start off as a single-celled organism again?

Right. And you've got to work your way all the way through it. Like, yeah, reincarnation's real, but it takes millions of years. What if reincarnation is real, but what if you, like, you get to the top of the game and then, boom, start off as a bug, and you go through the whole thing. That would suck. Go through the whole thing all over again until you become you again. The exact same you confronted by the exact same situations

with different outcomes. Maybe like a hint, like something in the back of your head is like, hey man, I think we've done this before. Don't do it this time. Hey man. But that's what makes it interesting. Don't run that yellow light. It's too long, Jesus.

Don't run that yellow. Boom. Damn. But that's what makes it interesting is to have a recollection of the previous you know that's that's what would change and and you know mind fuck is too hard yeah i sometimes i feel like you do you have something because we know that um like dogs have like serious instincts man like crazy instincts that are built in they all have them like where's that

coming from where are they getting the information why do they know to smell piss why do they know to pee on the spot that another dog did like i didn't have to teach my's that coming from? Where are they getting the information? Why do they know to smell piss? Why do they know to pee on the spot that another dog did? Like, I didn't have to teach my dog that. They all do it. Every dog does it. It's like, where is that information? What is happening to that dog that wants to do that? And where is it getting that from?

I think it's getting it through its genetics, getting it through its ancestors. So there's some sort of a memory or programming that the ancestors have left in the thing. It's not a blank slate. Dogs are not blank slates. I mean, they say everything has, you know, some kind of level of programming, even plants at the molecular level. They say they have like, kind of like a binary code in there. If you look deep down inside, I've read stuff online and it's like, I kind of believe that it's all part of like some kind of program of some sort. Well, they know plants communicate in these really weird ways. Yeah, they use the mycelium.

I think that's what it's called. They use essentially fungus in the dirt and the soil that they live in. They transmit data from plants to plants. And if there's a group of plants and like a community of plants and one of them needs more resources, like if it needs more water, they'll allocate more water to that plant. It's very weird. Weird stuff. They've shown that it really does benefit their growth if you play music near them.

Like classical music and talking to plants, like all that wacky hippie shit. That shit works. I remember there was a- Am I making that up? I'm not, right? No, that's real. Okay, that seems like one of those ones that I could get called out on. Like, I remember

reading this case study, like, it was in college, but, so there was a doctor who had water, right? And, you know, before he froze the water, he would, one, he would say nice things, the next one he would say, like, really mean, obscene things, and then he would freeze it, and then the pattern of which the ice would kind of crystallize

like the one he said mean things to like the ice would crystallize in a very dissonant way like it like the pattern didn't look proper and then the one where he said all these nice things it was a very beautiful repetitive organic like crystallization happening if that's true and I don't think it is, because I'm pretty sure they debunked that, but that's one of those ones that I have to be real careful with because I'm wishing for it to be true. Like, I hear shit like that, and I go, well, that would be dope

if you could see that, like, thoughts and feelings actually come out in your words and they affect physical objects. But I think I read that that was debunked oh really yeah but i think it's because it's long believed like it's almost like the quantum leaping i've read you know stuff like that where you put your intentions in the water and it's kind of at its earlier roots it's kind of like you know when we have a shot of of whiskey it's like hey cheers and it's putting like you know to your good health yeah to a positive intention in motion and you feel it. You definitely feel that, right?

That's interesting because I think we inherently know that it's a real thing. You feel it. So that's, I think, one of the reasons why we want to see it. That's why we would think that seeing it in the ice crystals would be cool. Yeah, it's like under a microscope when he saw the ice, it's like you could see that design. But, I mean, 80% of our body is water. It's like to think that there's not some kind of like living thing that it's affected by emotion and reactive to our words, which go into plants, you know?

Yeah, because we know those feelings. Like when you run into someone that is mad at you or someone who's said something bad about you, that feeling, it's like, mmm. Yeah. And if you see someone that you miss, like, oh, what's up? There's that feeling. The feeling that you get when a great song comes on, you know that feeling where it's like everything fucking charges up? You're like, yeah!

Yeah, it changes your mood, hence the workout playlist. Yes, exactly, exactly. So I think sound and the sound that one can make, it's like the language could be different, but I, the sound that one can make, it's like the language could be different. But I think the vibration that stems from here, there's something that happens between here and here when it comes out. It affects people. It's like you can have somebody not speak the language and yell at you to know that, oh, this guy's pissed. Yeah.

Or just give you that look. You're like, ooh, I better get out of here. You're right. If someone's mad at you and they're speaking some language you don't know it's almost like pure like you feel it like an energy like i don't know what this guy's saying but i i get his intentions his intentions are very very obvious despite the the language gap yeah and to bring it full circle like even dogs like i i have a i have a phobia of dogs you know i have a terrible phobia of dogs i I'm better now, but I got attacked when I was younger. But I can tell you that dogs, they sense it. I've been bit multiple times, unfortunately, and it keeps happening.

But it's because of my nervous energy. They pick it up. That makes sense. It's like, hey, what's up? And then they're charging at me. They smell cancer. They've taught dogs to smell cancer, which is so crazy. They take cancer and put it in test tubes, and the dog will run down the aisle.

I was going to say, they were trying to teach dogs to smell people that had COVID symptoms. Oh, wow. That's right. That's the airport. How would they do that? Is that possible? If they had cancer, I don't know. Oh, my God.

How COVID-y would you have to be for the dog to smell it? I think they were trying. I don't know if they were successful. Because doesn't everybody have a few cancerous cells, and your body breaks down those cancerous cells? I think that were trying. I don't know if they were successful. Because doesn't everybody have a few cancerous cells, and your body breaks down those cancerous cells? I think that's the key, is that when you get really ill with cancer, your body's just not stopping the reproduction of these damaged cells. So I think if the dog can smell it, they can always smell it when you've got real cancer,

not like what normal people the amount of cancer cells people have in like how many cells can they smell i i have a theory that that the dogs like the smell that they're trained to smell it's like there's something in the sweat it's like and somebody's sweat that that radiates either the smell of you know when somebody's diabetic or when somebody you know it's like they have uh or high blood pressure they have these dogs to kind of pick that up you know there's a very specific smell to somebody when when when they're you know, it's like they have or high blood pressure. They have these dogs to kind of pick that up. You know, there's a very specific smell to somebody when they're, you know, diabetic or in this case COVID. You probably exert some kind of smell. Yeah, right.

They can tell when people have a diabetic attack, right? Yeah, or when somebody is about to get a panic attack. There's a certain level of perspiration that the body provides to warn. It's a, you know, when somebody faints, you know, they start to sweat and that's a mechanism that the body does to help you wake up. You know, your body goes cold after. So it's a certain level of sweat. You know, it's like, you know, we drink coffee, we go to the restroom, we smell when we go

number one, take a piss. Like, oh yeah, I drank coffee earlier. The weirdest is asparagus. Asparagus is like, yikes. I shouldn't be eating this. The fuck's this doing to my piss? It's instant, too. Yeah.

Right away. One little piece. I know. Isn't that crazy? How is it so instant? You chew that asparagus, and within five minutes, you're peeing asparagus smell. It's like, now I'm peeing radiator fluid. It's weird.

How's it going through that quick? How quick does that stuff work? What is it? Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah. The body's fascinating. Well, life is fascinating. You know, it's just like this is what we're peering at life through.

We're peering at life through the lens of being a human being. But all of it is fascinating, man. I go down these nature video rabbit holes. Yeah. Usually it's like one of those nature is metal Instagram posts that gets me. Oh, that account is gnarly. Gnarly. You can't watch that before going to bed.

I'm up. I'm like, oh boy. No, I made a mistake of watching these. I think they're wild dogs tear apart this. It was like some sort of antelope they had disemboweled and they were spinning around. It was either hyenas or wild dogs

and they're tearing this thing apart while it's alive and i'm like whoa daddy yeah there was one where i saw that that they were like in in in like biting the leg the butt the the neck and the the animal's still fighting for life and the hyenas didn't care they're like hey fuck they just eat you they eat you while you. Dude, we are so divorced from what nature is. We're so separate from it. We're so delusional. We're so delusional that people try to get closer to the scarier animals to take pictures with them. Not thinking that they're on the menu.

Big ass giant bears. And that lady in, was it South Carolina that got eaten by the alligator? She was trying to take a selfie with the alligator. Yeah, she was trying to get close to the alligator and just fucking ate her. It's like, what? Years ago, do you remember the story where this woman was in, like, they were doing a safari and she got out of the van because there was some argument? Yes. And the lion or tiger yeah

was i mean waiting that was in china she she got mad i believe it was in china she got mad stepped out of her car and was yelling and then someone goes gets out of the car to talk to her come on get back in the car and then this fucking tiger comes up just snatches her and drags her away and what was fucked up is it wasn't even her that died. It was actually her mom that died. Her mom went after her with the tiger, and then the tiger killed her. Oh, so the first girl got away, and then, oh, my God.

Yeah. I think she was just in an argument with somebody. Yeah, and it's like for the tiger, it's like a hot pocket. As soon as the door's open, done. They can't help themselves. This is my number one problem with the zoo. You can't just feed them because they don't want that.

They want to kill things. So you've turned them into couch potatoes. They're going to live and they're going to die, and you're going to feed them meat, which means that animals have to die. If you want to not be cruel, you should have those animals kill animals. That's what it should be. It should be like they are in the wild or as close to it as it can get. And you can't just feed them meat on a tray and expect them to be happy.

Yeah. Psychologically, they, they, they lose something, right? It's like they, they get depressed. It's like, it's a they they get depressed it's like it's uh what is it a mammal instinct to work for something yeah they're designed to go chase shit and kill it here it says uh the lady said i don't look like a deer and move closer to the alligator apparently trying to touch it the 10 foot alligator estimated at 400 to 500 pounds then attacked covert who officials said was five feet tall and 100 pounds this crazy lady decided that she was going to touch a fucking

alligator it's just i mean it's not even her fault like she didn't people don't get it drilled into their head with an what an alligator actually is. These are dinosaurs that live amongst us. It's not just an alligator. You give it a name, and then it's in your head. Oh, there's the alligator. Oh, there's an alligator. That's a fucking giant reptile. Put that back up again so I can read that one part of it.

It is a giant reptile. And they have no brain. They have this tiny little fucking brain. No fucks given either. The animal latched onto Covert's leg and began pulling her into the water. Oh, Christ. Witnesses ran to the water's edge, tried rescuing her. A neighbor brought the rope that was used to try to pull Covert safely back to the shore.

Amid the rescue attempt, witnesses report Covert very calmly saying, I guess I won't do this again. She was pulled underwater moments later. Witnesses said Covert never even screamed during the attack. Holy shit. Wow. She was probably in shock. Yeah.

She was probably in full shock. It happened so quick. I mean, those things move so dang quick. Alligator still holding on by the leg. Her body was finally surfaced across the pond with the alligator still holding her by the leg. It quickly dragged her back underwater, deputy said. Jesus Christ. When the alligator resurfaced with covert's body again, a deputy fired several shots from

his nine millimeter service pistol, killing the alligator and allowing the first responders to retrieve covert's body, according to the sheriff's office. So that cop killed a monster that ate a lady that just lives in the neighborhood. Like, here's the thing. We get used to the fact that alligators live places. Right. So it's not a big deal. You know, oh, yeah, there's an alligator.

If you live in Florida, like I lived in Gainesville for a bit, I saw alligators all the time. You see them. If there was no alligators and then all of a sudden there was alligators, we'd want to kill them all. If alligators came from outer space, like a fucking UFO filled with crocodiles, came from outer space and just started eating swimmers, we'd be like, we got to gun these fucking things down. We got to kill them.

Right. They're going to eat people. Sure. But they were already there. But they were already there. So we're like, oh, Florida Gators. Go Gators. Go Gators.

Go people eating monsters. Oh, man. Yeah. And you see like, you know, footage of like, you know, golf courses with these alligators just, you know, chilling. Chilling. It's like, whew. People are laughing. Look, he's right there. Dude, a baby got eaten by one at Disneyland last year.

A baby. They got alligators at Disneyland? Yes. Dude, they have to fucking chase them away. Oh, wow. Yeah. I went there. I went there with my family, and my youngest daughter and I went fishing.

We went out onto this lake, and we're going bass fishing. It was really fun. It was great. Florida's like the best bass fishing in the world. But everywhere you look, is that a log? Is that a gator? Is that a log? Is that a gator?

What is that? Is that a log or a fucking dinosaur that's going to eat me? Like, bro, they get huge. Huge. Like 15 feet. Yeah. And that's common. That's not like a, oh, yeah.

Normal. That's a normal thing? Normal shit. It happens all the time. There was one, we went back and forth on this, Jamie, that was, we couldn't find it at first. The one where the alligator stopped traffic. Bro, it's crazy. Oh, wow.

It's a different one. I just. Well, they're all crazy, but it's crazy. It's like you hear you are driving your car, and this I don't give a fuck dinosaur is just walking across the street. Right. Well, hey, they're building cities in their neighborhood. Sort of.

The real thing is they're overpopulated. They're overpopulated. Look at that thing. What the fuck, bro? Holy. You imagine you're on your way to your car. What are you doing? Baby, come on.

You know, you got like a pack of gum and a fucking Diet Coke and you're looking for your keys and you look and 15 feet away from you, that thing is walking across the median. What? Some poor guy twirling a sign going, I'm going to go inside for a little bit. Look at that prehistoric monster. Like, just look how it walks. What a ruthless, heartless monster. It doesn't care, right?

Someone sent me a video. I'm trying to find it to show you. But there were two alligators fighting in the middle of a residential street, and one's got the other by the head. The video, these guys are filming it for four or five minutes. One guy goes and tries to grab the tail to pull him apart. It doesn't work. All muscle, too.

Get in there. What's interesting is the alligator is the calmer of the species. And because it's the calmer of the species, it allows it to live alongside people and people tolerate it because you see an alligator and they'll keep playing that because it's freaking me out yeah I just want to I just want to see him move that we tolerate that but we won't tolerate crocodiles you know why because you can't because crocodiles just kill

everything they find right crocodiles kill people every day every time they're around people they try to kill them alligators will let most things slide you know so you can kind of and that's one of the reasons i think why they made it this long like they have a different attitude about things they're less aggressive like that the crocodile is too much of a threat and the balance of the ecosystem is so fucked up like somebody released because florida's crazy and somebody released a couple of nile crocodiles in the everglades and biologists found them and they issued a shoot on site just kill them if you find you have to go you have to kill them you can't let them survive like if you see a nile croc because if they take hold and they start taking up real estate in the everglades and breeding populations of Nile crocodiles

in that fucking already unmanageable shithole of pythons. Burrow. Dunzo. Imagine if there was a spot in Florida that's just filled with monsters, just call it Monster Soup. Fuck calling it the Everglades. What do you got? Oh, 20-foot pythons and Nile crocodiles.

There was a crocodile. Oh, shit. Look at this. An alligator is swimming in a Texas lake with a knife in its head. Oh, no. What in the fuck? Sugar land. And the guy who tried to stab him in the head with the knife inside his stomach.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that guy's gone. Look at that knife. It's deep in its head, too. See, that's what I'm saying, man. You can't have something in your community that could just swim around with a knife in its head and be fine with it. You know, every other animal would be freaked out. Just like, Hey, what's up guys? What's that on your head, Bob? I don't know. If a raccoon had a knife in its head, it'd be like trying to pull that fucking knife out of its head.

Where'd you get the hat, Bob? I don't know. Some guy gave it to me. Yeah. That thing's just swimming around. I don't even know. I can't say. There was an alligator in a park out in Harbor City. There's like a little park. I forget the name of the park, but somebody had dumped one in there or something like that. Oh, great. And it was just taking down ducks. It was like a bunch of ducks go there and it was just taking down

ducks. And I guess the family spotted it and they closed down the park until they got it out and they did some mitigation there with the swamp to clean it up because it was it was filthy people were throwing stuff in there did you see the video from mexico of uh the cartel guy had a tiger and the tiger got loose and these dudes are chasing the tiger down the street is they're chasing them yes they're on this road with a lasso these fucking mex Mexican cowboy dudes. No way.

Yeah, man, and they're trying to lasso this tiger. What? What? Yeah, they got a tiger, and they lassoed it. See, again, if the tiger gets upset and just decides to jump on one of them, it's game over. It's game over. Look at homeboy. This recently happened?

Yes, man. It happened last week. Oh, my God. Like last week-ish? Yeah, it was going around on Twitter. So look. One guy with a chair and shorts. He showed up to work.

One thing around, and look at these cowboys. Oh, my goodness. This guy's got a chair in front of him. You think that's going to help you, bitch? Oh, my God. Look at the size of that thing. Look, he lassoed it. Bro, those fucking cowboys are bad ass.

Do you know what kind of a badass you've got to be to throw a fucking lasso around a tiger's neck on a street? In what city? Yeah, what part of it? Guadalajara. Guadalajara. That's where my mom's from. Hysterical. Guadalajara.

Someone's got a tiger. Imagine getting that call from the boss. It's like, hey, I need you to go get my tiger. What? You know? What the fuck did you just say, bro? man that's that's insane it's like i don't know why people do want you know that those kind of pets is like it's not something that you can tame it's it's wild people people like mike tyson when he was uh champ he had tigers that's right we had a

hilarious conversation about it he was about a horse first, right? He was trying to get a horse. And then the guy said, if you want, I can get you a tiger. He's like, you get me a tiger? Something like that, yeah. Something like that. Tyson? Yeah, Tyson.

I love that Tyson is into pigeons. Like, that's one of my favorite. That's my favorite animal. I'm just so enamored with pigeons. And they're like, you know, they say the rats of the sky. But, man, they're so resilient. Like, they're not supposed to thrive the way they do when they do. Yeah.

They're an invasive species. They're actually from Europe. They're, uh, I think they're from Europe. Might be Asia. I don't remember. But a pigeon was brought over here for food. They were brought over here. Yeah.

They're like, you know what squab is? I don't know. Have you heard of it? Like the meal squab? No. It's on menus, like fancy places. It's pigeon. Oh really? I didn't know. Have you heard of it? Like the meal squab? No. It's on menus like fancy places. It's pigeon. Oh, really?

I didn't know that. Yeah. They're saying, oh, squab is on the menu. Excellent. That's a pigeon. For the fine chardonnay. Squab is just pigeon. Yeah, I love pigeons.

There's something about pigeons. Make sure that's true. I'm pretty sure it's true. I think squab's like a baby pigeon. As like lamb is a baby sheep. Watch it be goat chest meat. I don't think so. A young, unfledged pigeon.

Oh, wow. So it is like veal, but the pigeon version of veal. That's weird, man. That's the one animal that's like pigeons. I love pigeons. I love goats. But it's good to know that you can kill them and eat them. Yeah, yeah.

People eat them for sure. Yeah. People eat them quite a bit. Bro, rats eat them. You ever see the video of the rat eating a pigeon in New York City? New York rats are resilient. I've now seen a rat eat a slice of pizza. Right.

A pigeon. Dude, the rat's killing and eating a pigeon. You know, they're going to rat war right now. There's a rat war going on in New York City. I hope someone's documenting this. It's really interesting. Because for the first time ever, rats don't have a steady food supply. Rat people aren't out there.

People aren't going to the restaurants. Not nearly as many. Look at this rat killing a fucking pigeon. I mean, this is crazy. Like, he hunted it. He's biting it by the neck. And he's holding on to this fucking pigeon a fucking pigeon. I mean, it's crazy. Like he hunted it. He's biting it by the neck and he's holding on to the fucking pigeon and killing it. So what's going on in New York City is cannibalism, rat wars where rats are invading other rats' territories. Because there's as many, if not more, rats in New York City as there are people.

Really? Yeah, there's a lot of rats. All in the subway, like tunnels. And they're getting their food from these regular sources that now dried up. So now they're moving into new territories, apparently. That's what I'm reading. Yeah, and they're attacking each other now. Here it is.

Rats growing more aggressive, even eating each other during the pandemic. That's insane. Ravenous rats. A warning for rats. As if New York City didn't suck enough. There's going to be a bunch of... Other rats are trying to kill you. That's...

I mean, everyone's stacked on top of each other during this pandemic. I mean, it's the worst place to be in a pandemic, stacked on top of everybody. But that makes sense. With this whole pandemic stay-at-home thing, it disrupted their food supply. There's no way they could thrive. Yeah. I don't mean New York sucks either. I mean, it sucks right now to be in New York and now you got murderous rats.

Although like, it's interesting to see like Mark Norman was doing a bunch of shit was just going down the street and there's no one on the streets. It's a really, really rare time where no one's on the streets and you could just go do that. Yeah. I went to downtown LA. Um,

I've been going to downtown LA and it's like all the Santee alleys and all that. go do that. Yeah, I went to downtown LA. I've been going to downtown LA and it's like all the Santee alleys and all that, it's gone. People cannot sustain the, you know, the close down. You know, they don't have money to pay for the leases and the rents. It's a ghost town down there. It's crazy.

And some people have opened up shops. I've noticed that they opened up shops, but a lot of them, they're not opening again. It's scary. Like there's no traffic. I can get from where I up shops, but a lot of them, they're not opening again. It's scary. There's no traffic. I can get from where I live to downtown LA in like 20 minutes. That's unheard of. Well, it's going to be real

weird to see what happens when they turn it back on again. Right. And society goes back. How long is it going to take for us to even out? Because it's going to be a rocky restart. It's going to be rocky. Yeah, there's going to be some warm-up. You know, it's going to, yeah.

I saw an article that was saying people are criticizing Governor Newsom for opening up too soon. I'm like, stay home. Stay home. Don't tell everybody to stay home. You stay home. You stay home. Enough.

We can't just stay home forever. This is not a valid strategy for dealing with the virus. This is not how it works. There's all this talk. All this talk like as if anyone has the correct answer. It is sad. I mean, you know, we were talking about it earlier that, you know, all these businesses are going to go under like the, you know know child care and barber shops and stuff like that it's like gyms and they didn't do anything wrong they didn't they did everything right and you know

yeah maybe in hindsight it's going to turn out that it was the right thing to do and that it stopped the spread of the virus and even though there was some flare-ups here and there it made people more aware and the virus eventually goes away maybe it's possible but even if it's not the right thing to do i think people are people are just doing it out of caution because we don't know what it is. But it's not the only strategy. There was other strategies that could be employed, and they could have made people more cognizant

and protecting themselves. It would have really greatly slowed the risk of transmission, and I think you could have let people stay working. When you tell people they can't work, I don't like that. You know, I don't like that. Not just because it's unconstitutional. I don't like that because I don't like people telling people what to do. And I don't like that because I don't like one person being in charge of figuring out what's right or wrong. I don't know if it's one person

or a hundred people, but what's right or wrong for an entire state of 40 million people to do and to make up the mind for them based on what? Based on just because you got voted into office? Right. That doesn't make any sense to me. You should be dealing with like legitimate problems, not controlling the population through some Orwellian mandate. We just deem it that everyone has to stay home. Then you even offer rewards for people in L.A. The mayor was offering rewards for people turning people in who weren't social distancing. Yeah, that just opens up a can of worms.

It's crazy. It's all the wrong moves. That's not going to help anyone. When I heard the whole thing that you can basically snitch on somebody not wearing a mask or not doing what they're doing. And you get money. Yeah. You're setting people up to, yeah, it's not a good thing.

Dude, did you ever see the article where it says, normally it's snitches get stitches. But in this case, it's snitches get rewards. Like they're even calling it a snitch. And it was an official thing that they released? Yes. Oh, my God. Some marketing person was like, yeah, I got the thing. I don't know if it was an official thing or it was an article on it.

It was in the LA Times, whatever it was. And I was like, what are you saying? This is a terrible idea. You're encouraging people to turn people in for rewards? Do you not understand psychology? There's people that have grudges against people. There's people that don't like their neighbor. They're just going to turn each other in.

You can't give people that kind of power. You give people the power to just say, Tim, it's him. He's got the scarlet letter. And then fucking they look up your ass with a microscope, see if you've been social distancing. Jesus, I got my eye on you. Six feet. Six feet. Mask.

Hand sanitizer. Yep. Stay safe. Stay home. Watch your head. I'm going into a cop car. Dang it. They don't know what the fuck they're doing, man. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. No one knows what the fuck they're doing for them to tell us what to do.

Like, definitely you have to know. Maybe you should do it that way. Maybe you should wear a mask and you should stay home. Don't don't tell me what to do. They already have had this on the county page for like snitches get rewards for turning people in for crimes. Well, at their site now. Crimes, I still don't like the reward. The reward should be you're a good citizen. Like if you see someone breaking into someone's car and you manage to catch their plate, you should turn that in because you're a good citizen.

It's just cash. You get cash. How much? It doesn't say how much. It says you receive payment for the reward. It doesn't say how much. I'm fixing to change my opinion. Yeah. I don't know, man. I'm fixing to change my opinion. Yeah.

I don't know, man. Yeah. I think... A lot of silly stuff. You give people money for things, you incentivize them. You know? It makes it dangerous

because you can't... There's an incentive to go one way or the other. So if someone sees a crime and they want to turn that... You know, they want to give up the information about that crime,

whether it's a license plate or a description or you got a video or something like that, you do that they want to give up the information about that crime, whether it's a license plate or a description or you've got a video or something like that. You do that because you're a good person. You don't want your mom to get robbed like that. You do that because you don't want your neighbor to get robbed. You do that because there's a problem in your community. There's a person who's committing a crime, and as a community, we organize, we look. We look out for each other. We found this person's fucking up.

Like the inception of this program, wasn't it like a neighborhood watch program? There's nothing wrong with that. You always see these signs. It's like, who is in this neighborhood watch program? Yeah, that's the other thing, right? How much are they watching? You know, people are so lazy. There's a bunch of actual rewards up here right now.

They're looking for information on a bunch of shootings and $25,000 reward. Bro, here's the thing. They don't have the time. They don't have the time. There's so many things that are going on in L.A. at all times. Somebody breaks into your house like, did you die? Well, we got shit to do. They're not going to have a full-time Columbo on the job with fucking dusting for fingerprints.

They don't have that kind of bandwidth. There's no way. They don't have that kind of bandwidth. Yeah, hiring people, especially with budget cuts and all that. They don't have that kind of bandwidth and manpower needed to look into everything so this shit going down in minneapolis it's crazy crazy crazy you see the the video the looting stuff the video the looting is crazy but the video of the guy the guy's shin on that man's neck while the guy is begging for his life. Goosebumps. It's so heartbreaking because he's trying.

And even as he's talking, he's like, officer, I can't breathe. That guy's got to have some sort of physical training, right? He's got to have. I mean, cops, do they teach them jujitsu? Some. I mean, but it's like to put the knee. I don't know that any law enforcement teaches knee on the neck. No, no.

I don't know that that's a thing. I was going to say, it's a shitty thing to do. Like, if you did that in jujitsu class, people would be really mad at you. They'd be like, hey, man, fuck you. Get off my neck. You know, like this is, you're in the position he was in, too, handcuffed on the street. So you have one really hard surface where your neck is pressed on the bottom and then him on the top coming down with his shin.

That cuts off all blood to the brain. That cuts off your ability to breathe. He's got to know that. Everybody knows that. If he's got any training at all, he knew what he was doing, which is so fucked up. He was killing that guy in front of everybody with a camera on him. Like, that's what's crazy about it.

Like, he was just doing it right in front of everybody. Yeah. And you would think, after all these that have been filmed, all these that have had, like, there's some sort of education to stop this. There's some sort of intervention. There's some sort of psychological examinations they give people to stop them from getting to the point where they can't separate themselves from as a you know because he's killing a man whatever whatever happened i don't know if did they there was a physical thing was there was there a resisting arrest i don't even know what

happened no i don't know what what happened leading up it. And I know there was more officers there eventually, right? But it's like the other officers not stepping in to put a stop to what he was doing. I mean, that's rough as well, man. There's another one that haunts me. There was a story of a gentleman who reached into the cop was in the passenger side window and told the guy to show him his hands. And let me see your wallet. He goes and reaches for his wallet. The cop just empties his gun at him.

I don't remember how many times he shot it. Empty sound very dramatic though, but he shot him and killed him. And all the guy was doing was reaching for his wallet. And I remember thinking like, God damn it. Like how crazy are the interactions between people when you're a cop and you're in that weird position

where you literally have life and death power over someone, at any moment's notice, you can decide that you were threatened and you had to take a life. And if no one's there with a camera, how many times have guys died like this when no one was there with a camera? Right. How many times?

It was like he was resisting arrest and he died. Oh, I guess so. I guess he's dead. No big deal. And they just have to trust the paperwork that person fills out. Oh, he shouldn't have got drunk. I guess he died. Too bad.

There's no video. But then you see the video of that guy with his shin on that man's neck. And you're like, God damn. Yeah. If you have any training at all, you know you're killing that guy. And that's probably the part of the problem there is like not having the proper training like you said if you have any kind of jiu-jitsu training like you would be i don't know man i don't know he might have just killed that guy it's it's hard

to say dude i think people that work as cops are just like they're people they're exceptional people because it's a very difficult job right they're tested in a way that most of us are not tested but they're just people and there's a giant spectrum of people from people that are like genuinely happy for other people and good people who do you know who love each other and do and then there's fucking monsters there's monsters you know i was watching the unabomber documentary on netflix it's it's really fucking creepy man yeah but one of the parts it's a creepiest is like when he was really young when he was a baby he got sick and the doctors took the baby from the parents for a long time like

weeks and when the baby came back was never the same again it was like detached and never never focused he was sick but it was also that it was not with his mother for weeks and something happened to him and then he grew up just to like lack empathy and always have this like anger inside of him very fucking creepy man very creepy so just like people are like that right so are cops the the vast majority of interactions people have with cops don't end up like that or fine. And I've had the vast majority of all interactions I've had with cops, particularly before I was even famous, were positive. I'm respectful.

I grew up around cops. My martial arts background was always training with cops. I knew cops constantly. They're just people, man. And people, they vary. The problem is when you give people the ability to have that kind of power over other people the people I can shoot you if I think you might have a gun I don't have to see the gun I could just start shooting you like that or maybe you just so

Ptsd out that you just think it's gone. You see a gun. There's no gun there You're just losing your fucking mind cuz you've seen too many people die over the last couple of months That's possible to man cops are in a constant state of alert. They're pulling people over. They never know if they're ever going to see their kids again. They don't know. They don't know. Your fucking window's tinted.

The rap music. Now I smell the weed. Fuck! They don't know. They don't know. You could be a bunch of cool guys out going to get something to eat. Like, hello, sir. Sorry, sir.

Here's my license. Everything's fine. Or you could be a cartel member. Like, they don't know. They have no idea. You're always interviewing people that are lying. You're always talking to people that are trying to get away with something. And then you see violence every day.

You see gunshot wounds and knife wounds and fuck. You're on the edge, man. Cops commit suicide at a staggering rate. It's really kind of crazy. It's like it's I don't know if it mimics soldiers, but soldiers commit suicide at a very high rate, too. And I think for a lot of them, it's just a regular life in comparison to the chaos of war and the chaos of of the violence that they'll run into on the streets. If you're a cop, sometimes it's just incompatible, like like regular life it's just like you're too fucked up from it and i don't know how many of those guys get treatment how many of those guys get therapy or how many of those guys go into that job

for the wrong reasons they go into that job because they like having power over people there's those kind of cops too yeah but then there's great cops this idea that we should hate cops is nuts we should hate a human being's actions. We should hate that a human being could do that to another human being. You know, I don't know why he was so mad at that guy. I don't know if it was pure racism, if there was some sort of interaction that didn't go well. I don't know what it was. But him holding that guy down with his shin on his knee, it's like, especially when you watch it because you know how it goes.

It's like, fuck, man. It's gut-wrenching.'s heartbreaking it's it's so unfortunate that that man shouldn't have died and it just it's awful what that officer did to not have the the empathy or sympathy to to to see what was before him it's like hey you hurting this man. It's like he's already handcuffed. I mean, it's heartbreaking, bro. It would be shocking if he beat him to death while he was handcuffed. It would be shocking. If we watched him just kick that guy to death, it would be insane. But somehow or another, he thought it was okay if he just put all of his weight on his shin and put it on that man's neck.

Dude, I don't know if anybody's ever done that to you, but people have done that to me in jiu-jitsu. I've had guys, like when they're passing, maybe they go for a mounted triangle or something like that, and they put their shin across my neck, and not even for long periods of time, but it's hard to handle. It's hard to handle for someone who does jiu-jitsu. It's one of the reasons why triangle chokes are so effective, right?

It's because it's your leg bone and your other leg bone and all that leg muscle and all that pressure. Triangle ain't shit compared to like putting all your weight on a guy's neck. You know why? Because you don't get tired of doing it. If I have someone in a triangle, if I'm on my back and I can't see. It's a resting dead weight on a person's throat. Exactly. Exactly.

So if I have someone in a triangle, I have to squeeze. I have to use my legs and I use my arms. But if I'm on top of someone with my shin on his neck, I don't have to do anything. I just balance and put all my weight on it and he'll die. You can kill someone that way. And the fact that that guy just thought he could do that in front of everybody, that's crazy. All you have to do is put him – if you thought the guy was trying to get away, there's a jiu-jitsu move.

It's called knee on belly. And you've got him flattened out, so you put knee on back. And you just put your knee on his back. And you could hold him there, and he'd be okay. You could do the same thing. You hold the body. You just put your shin, you put your instep right up to his body. You put all your weight on your shin, and you just hold him there. You're instep right up to his body you put all your weight

on your shin and you just hold him there you're a cop you've got a handcuffed guy you don't have to put your fucking shin on his neck but but where is it coming from right that's that's what we have to figure out like is it just do do some people just need to be stopped before they ever become cops? Maybe it's that. Maybe it's the... The fact that somebody like that can become a cop, it's like... But that's the question. Was he always like that or did he become like that? Did he become like that because of the stress of the job?

Did he become like that because of who knows whatever reason? Is it racist? Could he do that to a white guy too could he only do that to a black guy who's resisting but when you start seeing a pattern you know it's like it's a lot of a lot of lives being lost in the same way in the same manner it's like you start to raise questions

how can you make an argument against for what it is it's in plain sight you know it's a pattern now yeah it's it's a pattern but um it's also it's just a pattern with cops um it's not just a pattern in that you know cops are uh killing young black men but it's also a pattern that cops really there's certain cops who really can't handle that kind of power. They can't handle that position. They turn bad. Just like there's corrupt politicians, there's corrupt cops. And they might not be corrupt in terms of being on the take, but they're corrupt in terms of what they'll do to get a case closed.

They plant guns. We've all seen that shit. We've all seen videos. There's a video of a guy shooting a guy in the back and he throws a gun on the ground At the guy's feet. Yeah, dude. This is they've been doing that since the beginning of time They plant drugs on people cops have been busted planting drugs on people numerous times There was a cop that was drug he was busted planting drugs on someone with his own body cam The footage from his own camera showed him planting drugs on a guy. Like they're cops, but they're people. That's the problem with what a cop is.

It's like you're giving extraordinary powers to an ordinary person. That's what being a cop is. You have to be an exceptional person to be able to handle that. And the truth is most of them are. That's why you're not hearing this every day all over the world. Cops are having interactions with people

that are positive all the time. And it's hard to do for them, and you don't hear about it. It's just the ones that stand out are the ones where it goes horribly wrong like that. But it's not indicative of all cops. That's why it's so crazy. And I don't know what they can do about that other than have stricter standards to keep people like that from becoming cops or is it just that the job makes them that way is it just that the stress makes them that way and seeing all the criminals dealing with all the crimes seeing all the violence just fucks them up so bad yeah even even there was a case here in in la in boyle heights where there was a a man who was not fighting back and the officer was going in and just fighting him to the point where the officer rips his glasses off and starts railing on the guy

that is completely not fighting back. And there was a home there and the people from the home come out and they're like, hey, he's not fighting back. What are you doing? And he's telling people to stay back. And, you know, there was another officer trying to kind of calm the thing. But, man, that officer was way like teeing off on this guy who, you know, just holding on to the fence.

It was right there in Boyle Heights. Unbelievable to see that. So there's something definitely broken and wrong. I mean, I don't know what it is. Well, I think it's a lot of things it's a lot of people that are on edge no matter what they're just the people are angry now you give that person the position of power like a police officer then you put them around crime for years and years and years they feel underappreciated their life's in danger every day they see their fucking cousin who manages a restaurant. His life's

not in danger. Like, what the fuck? This is the guy? Yeah, that's the guy. Look. Oh, man. He's not fighting back at all. Oh, man. He's just punching him in the back of the head. These are terrible, sloppy punches. Oh, he takes his glasses off.

Bro, first of all, I would make that guy stay after class. I'd be like, bro, everything you did sucked. You have zero leverage in your punches. You're so fat. You can't even manhandle this big gentleman. First of all, this big gentleman barely even noticed that you did all that. Look at this.

He's just hanging on like, bro, you just punched me a bunch of times. You shouldn't do that. But at least this big guy is smart enough to not punch him back. Because there's a real good argument that he should flatline that cop but but yeah no it's just a guy with a gun who's got a badge and a job and he just wails on you and you can't do that back like that's not how you're supposed to act when you're a cop the guy's not even moving it's not like he's running away or fighting him and trying to get away it's just it's heartbreaking when you see stuff like that. It's like. Bro.

It sucks. He should just let that guy keep punching. Just go, hold on. Keep punching. Go ahead. Keep punching. That guy was about to have a heart attack. He had like three or four more punches left in him. They would have fallen to the ground.

This is big old barrel chest and skinny arms. Terrible punches. That's an embarrassment to the martial arts, sir. And to the police department. As YouTube goes, the YouTube comments are just roasting the cop for being like not being able to Terrible technique, but first of all, here's the reality that guy that he was trying to hit and take down was enormous Yeah, he could have hit that guy all day long with his bitch-ass punches. It's not gonna work. That guy was big She decides that guy's neck you look a fucking football fucking football player. He looked like a pro wrestler or something. The guy was enormous.

He wasn't taking that guy down. And if that guy decided to just pick him up by the neck and fucking pile drive him into the concrete, he couldn't have said shit about it. The only thing that saved him is that he was a cop. But that's probably why he did it in the first place. That's probably why he became a cop. You know, those psychological flaws. You know that those psychological flaws. I just feel the same way. You know, I'm I feel like cops are in a sense

They're so necessary and yet so Disrespected and underappreciated and then they're also forced into doing things that are that are not what they signed up for, like giving people tickets. Like cops become glorified revenue collectors if you just make them sit hiding behind a bush waiting for someone to go 49 on a 45, like, I got him, pull over. Yeah, well, that's not what a cop signed up for. They signed up to stop bad guys and make the community safer. And then it opens up a whole thing with, you know,

Fourth Amendment probable cause, you know, you get stopped for one thing and it opens a door for other things. On Snoop Dogg's page, he's got a really good video of a good cop talking about what these cops did wrong. And I love that Snoop put that up there. Yeah, on Snoop's Instagram. I love that Snoop put it up there, too, because he said, here's a good cop and a good cop's take. And I agree with everything the cop said. He was dead on about everything, about all of it.

And he's an actual police officer. But I like the fact that Snoop put that up there. I got to check that out. Attacking people in downtown LA. Do you see those cops that were trying to drive through downtown LA? They have a march. They're smashing their windows. Those are not the same people.

Those are not the people that did that. That one guy who had his shin on that guy's neck. Yeah, you're right about him. But these are not those people. These are just other cops. Yeah, this is the guy. This is a good video. Can I play it?

Yeah, play it a little bit. Let's talk things that happened in Minneapolis, cop standpoint, right? I'm disgusted with the things that happened in Minneapolis. Period, plain blank. Things could have went way different. At the end of the day, let's talk facts. Guy's on the ground. He's laying on his stomach.

He have handcuffs on. It's four of y'all, one of him, four of y'all, one of him who has control of the situation. It's not much one person could do against four people. Now let's get deeper, right?

As an officer, you are a first responder, right? So if in the midst of you trying to gain compliance, someone is hurt, you have to render aid. So somebody saying, I can't breathe. I can't breathe, I can't breathe. You don't think to yourself and say, oh, my gosh, this guy can't breathe.

He might die. Let me render aid. Right. Another point. Officers, other officers, if you're going to be an officer is going to stand there and not help and not help when things go wrong. Come on. Like, you don't see that. That's the reason I got behind this badge.

Right. Because I want the officers that's afraid to's the reason I got behind this badge, right? Because I want them officers that's afraid to step up, I want to be the one to step up. If I see wrong happening, wrong is not happening in my presence, right? I'm going to check it, and that's period. Jamie, pull the top down so I can find out what that dude's name is because I think it just said From a Good Cop. Yeah.

That guy. His account's right there, I think. He's got a TikTok a is that his TikTok account I think so JD underscore W-I-L-L JD underscore Will well

shout out to him because he's he just said it perfectly and that's who you want to hear it from you want to hear it from another cop you know everything he says is 100% correct

you got four guys standing around there's one guy down you're in control of it and not to provide aid when somebody's clearly telling you officer i cannot breathe and not and other cops steps in and say hey man get your chin off his neck you're gonna kill him yeah so sad man here's the up thing if you said

do i ever think there's gonna come a day where there'll be no crime i'm like no Do I ever think there's going to come a day where there'll be no crime? I'm like, no, no. Right. Why? Why is that? Why is that like an insurmountable thing that will never come to a day when we don't need the police? Like this is where anarchists lie.

Anarchists feel like you should have no police, man. I don't want the police. We'll work it out together as a community. Bro, that's how you get kings that's how that's how dudes take over and form an army of other murderers and they fucking start slaughtering people and take over the city and you don't do shit about it that's where kings come from now you need cops stupid you need good cops you need cops that understand what the job is like that guy a guy who's a big strong guy could handle that situation wouldn't

feel compelled to put his knee or his shin on that guy's neck right and can and can think critically i mean he went through all the points of what what could have gone different to change the outcome fuck man it's just in the middle of all this crazy crisis it's everything has been such a roller coaster ride because in the beginning, everything was really scary in terms of worrying about the pandemic, but it seemed like people were being a little more chill. It seems like people were confronted by real danger and were a little nicer to each other. So I had a lot of hope in the beginning of the pandemic. And then somewhere later on, it seemed like businesses started failing, people started going bankrupt, a lot of suicides, a lot of craziness, a lot of drinking, and then things just got way worse.

It seems like the online discourse now, if you go to Twitter or shit like that, seems way more aggressive and angry. The tone has changed, of course. Yeah, the tone. Yeah. And now this, right? I mean, this is a terrible terrible situation so this happens we all get to experience it in video and then in the middle of this

horrible financial pandemic now there's riots and burnings and like what are they doing in Minneapolis and they're right burn buildings and shit? Yeah, the buildings and the targets and stuff, but it's, yeah. Look at this. Yeah. Already the conspiracy theorists are out. I saw some

shit on the Instagram where people were saying that federal agents were starting the fires and they're doing that to control Minneapolis. They're going to lock everything down. I always wonder who's they. Who's they that's doing all that? They?

Look at all these fires, man. There's a lot of fucking fires. And these are just like what? Just people's buildings? So someone's private property got burnt down because a cop's a fucking asshole? got burnt down because a cop's a fucking asshole. I know people are angry, but just running around

burning people's houses, burning people's buildings, that's not fixing anything. God damn, there's a lot of fires. To be from there and look at your city and be like, this is what my city looks like right now. Right.

Now you're going to walk around this area that you and your friends burnt to the ground. And how you're so connected to that act now if you're one of those guys that threw a maltoff cocktail or did whatever you did to light those buildings on fire when you walk by those things every day when all this is settled all the dust is settled you're going to realize what you did yeah you just burnt someone's building down. It didn't have anything to do with it. Somebody probably had a job in there.

Somebody probably had life's work in that building. Right. Or life savings to buy the place. Their business, whatever it is. You just burnt that fucking thing to the ground. But the whole situation, it's... Horrible. Horrible.

Yeah. It's horrible that it's going to keep happening. Right? That cops are going to keep killing people because they're going to make mistakes. It's just. Horrible. Yeah. It's horrible that it's going to keep happening. Right? The cops are going to keep killing people because they're going to make mistakes. It's just how it is. And what would the solution be? Is there any clear-cut solution or steps to find one or to arrive at one? Well, you know who had a great point?

Andrew Yang. Andrew Yang, when he was running for president, one of the platforms that I really liked, he said he wants every police officer to at least be a purple belt in jujitsu. That's a great piece of advice. And I don't even think Andrew really practices jujitsu. If he does, I apologize. But I think his thought is that you should be able to control someone's body. You should have the ability and the understanding how to control someone's body

because we've seen these scrambles with police officers where they don't have control and they get fucked up and the guy gets on top of him and beats the cop half to death and takes his gun, drives his car away. That shit happens all the time. If you don't know how to fight and you're also the person that gets to enforce judgment, that's crazy. That's like not knowing how to drive but being in a race car on a track. Like you don't know how to drive? So you're in violent altercations but you don't know how to do violence right?

You don't know how to fight and you're a cop? That's crazy. I can't imagine that's like that would be like working at the border and not learning Spanish. Like what are you doing? It's essential to the business you're about to take on. Yes.

You're going to do a lot of talking Spanish, man. You better learn it. Learn Spanish, man. You're going to be around a lot of violence. You better understand violence. You better not just be some fucking barrel-chested fatso cop with spaghetti arms wailing away at some guy that barely notices it. God damn it, Jesus. You makes you know another thing is it just

makes me feel sad like when a story like that is on the news i just feel sad i just feel just bad just feel like you feel like there's like a like a psychic funk that travels over the land you know it's the energy we were talking about you know it's like those things do affect do do affect you know how how someone feels and you know yeah it's your i keep saying over and over again i sound like a broken record but it's it's heartbreaking like you you feel that that pain and in this area and i always feel like the only way i could ever um address those things now is to talk about them like people say like why don't you post about that on social media when something happens? I'm like, that's not, I mean, I could and I certainly do with some things, but sometimes like this is like, that's something I want to talk.

I want to talk through because it's so horrible. Dialogues need to be had and you got to talk it through. But also like if you're gonna give your take on it the best way I think is talking. Because I feel like you're gonna write some caption on Instagram photo. It's not for me at least it's not the

best way for me to express myself. Yeah you wanna talk it out think it through and There's also like a lot of celebrities doing hot takes on things you know i'm saying like every time something goes down they go to this guy like what is he gonna say you go to her what is her feelings right you know and then every day the celebrities hit there like i'm trying to get a lot of likes with this one i want to really spice it up nice you think

that's what it is yeah 100 yeah and it 100%. Yeah. And it's unfortunate that that's the side that people look to capitalize for some kind of clout or, you know. I think it happens a lot with actors. With actors, you see it a lot because, you know, there's a lot of cool actors out there. A lot more than I ever thought there were. But there's a lot of them out of their fucking minds. Out of their fucking minds. Crazy. Crazy, crazy crazy great cat crazy out of their mind and they um anytime there's an opportunity to say something or do something

to get some clout you know they'll just use the right language use the right hashtags and like put it out there like a little love bomb just let it float out into the middle of water and boom just hold there yes everybody's really excited that i made that post decrying racism and letting everybody know that women are going to run the world i saw a photo there's one of the saddest photos i ever saw sam tripoli put it up on his page it's a bunch of dudes standing around with uh the future is female T-shirts. I want to hope that someone Photoshopped that. I really do.

I really hope someone Photoshopped it. Oh, that it's a fake one? Yeah, I hope it's fake. I hope they had like IBM T-shirts or something like they were on some retreat. Look at this. The future is female. There's all these guys with a shirt on. And Sam Tripoli said, what does it say?

Make it smaller so we can all read it. The annual meeting of dudes that report my posts. I don't know if Tripoli wrote that. That must be his. Sam Tripoli is so funny, man. He's hilarious. So there's all these fellas that look like they could use a good CrossFit class. Repost.

Repost. Oh. XX, I don't know. X, X, X, X, X. Be careful. Don't say him. No. Is there real porn accounts these days?

There's loose porn accounts that will try to take you off-site to somewhere. There's OnlyFans or or what those guys are wearing. It's just as ridiculous as if they have a shirt on that says the future is masculine. That's just as ridiculous. I mean, what do you do? The future is female.

Is it, how about the future is humans? And you know, you have to have male and female. You fuck. That's how you make babies. Jesus Christ. I'm not trying to shame people who make

their baby in a test tube. I'm just saying the vast majority, we need male and female, and we can all be nice. I have a lot of male friends that I love very much. I have a lot of female friends that I love very much. We're all close. Male and female. We can all be cool. We can all coexist. The future doesn't have to be female jesus christ the future hopefully is a positive one and a uplifting one but when someone has a future as female shirt on they're like they want it to be female that means they're going to lean more female than male like it's like if something you want you want to you want real equality you should hire the best person for the job always so if you've got this job and you're leaning toward this guy he seems like he's better but

he's not a woman and there's a mandate to have a woman. You're going to go with someone who's just a woman. You're going to give them a little break because it's a woman. That's not equality. That's not good for anybody. The future is a well-qualified person. The future is a well-qualified person. You should have that shirt.

Sell it outside of my shows. That'd be a great shirt for you. Qualified shirt, huh? No. The future is a well-qualified person. That would be, right? That'd be an interesting shirt. you. Qualified shirt, huh? The future's a well-qualified person. That would be, right? That'd be an interesting shirt. Yeah.

Interesting shirt to sell. The future is all people. Sell shirts after a show. I don't know that that's going to be a thing anymore, but. They'll probably go back to that. I mean, you got to think people went back from the Spanish flu to where we are before the pandemic. But restrictions, I mean, restrictions won't allow for it. That's a kicker.

I hope they lift these restrictions fully. Do you miss stand-up? Yes. How could I not miss stand-up? I know, man. I know. What is this? 1918 pandemic photo watching a football game in Georgia Tech, I think.

Wow. That's what they were doing. They're all watching a football game with Georgia Tech, I think. Wow. They're all watching a football game with masks on. That's not a N95, though. Isn't that crazy, though? It's crazy. We didn't know about this. I never thought that... If you asked me about the pandemic, I said, yeah, a bunch of people died from the flu,

but I didn't think people were walking around with masks on. Did you? I mean, we had those... Maybe that full pointy nose mask that Lindsay people were walking around with masks on did you I mean we had the those that maybe that full and that full pointy nose mask that uh oh yeah yeah Lindsay Shepherd I can't know miss misinterpreted the name my head it's all mixed up right now I don't say the wrong one Lindsay Fitzharris thought that's wasn't this yeah okay was her right thanks so but yeah that was during that time period I believe there was a couple different yeah it was

her it was about the plague masks right right i'm thinking yeah yeah wasn't that like they had herbs and shit down there to take they thought it was going to kill the smell of the plague as you breathe it in that was the idea you ever seen one of them things no oh dude they're they're freaky looking it's like an eyes wide shut mask did they wear those in eyes wide shut oh that's been in a few things. It's like a villain or whatever. Like a bird? Yeah. You live like a bird.

So what's going on is that beak is filled with stuff. Oh, herbs. Okay. Yeah. And you smell that. Walking around with a face mask full of potpourri. Look at the goggle. Imagine if you're a girl and you're dating a guy.

And he seems so cool in every way, but he wants to fuck you with a plague mask on. You're thinking, maybe he's the one. Maybe we're going to grow together and have babies together. Maybe we're dating Toucan Sam. 16th century plague. So maybe it's just like that was their idea they had back then, and it didn't evolve until. Look at this, what it says.

16th century plague doctor mask on display at the, say that word. Say that word. At the Dutschen. Good luck, man. Medicine. It's like medicine history. Ah, just German. Yeah.

It's like medicine history. Ah, just German. Duchenne Medizin Historischen German Museum of Medical History. What a gnarly thing to come up and engineer and be like, no, this helps. Like the way that they sold this to people

and people were like, no, yeah, no. People say that this is a thing. We got to put potpourri in these masks and smell it. I wonder what the actual herbs were. Like what kind of shit they put in there. That's interesting. Like what do you, I guess like menthol or something. How do you make menthol? Like when you think of like menthol rubs.

Mint. What's in there? Mint leaves. Is that what it is? Mint leaves and mint with some other stuff. Really? It's like a mojito. So what do they, does it say what they put in those fucking things?

I remember Lindsay telling us. Flowers. Mint. It's in there. So it really is potpourri. Vinegar sponge. Vinegar sponge. Wow.

The purpose of the mask was to keep away any bad smells known as miasma, which were thought to be the principal cause of the disease before it was disproven by germ theory. Wow. So they thought, so they kind disease before it was disproven by germ theory. Wow. So they kind of knew it was coming through the nose. They just didn't know what it was. Imagine if someone had a bad fart. They're like, get the fuck out of here.

Why is everybody wearing masks? Bob over here, let one go. But it's hilarious that it says to keep away bad smells, but they put vinegar inside. Yeah. Vinegar doesn't smell too nice. It smells terrible. There's no lavender. But imagine how bad people smelled back then.

Nobody bathed, no soap, no toothpaste. Your teeth would rot out of your fucking head. Like hot tomato, onion soup. Oof. Yeah, I mean, you would smell terrible. Your feet would stink. Everything would stink. Wow. Look at the image of what people looked like when they're dying from the plague.

So back then when shit would go down, they didn't even know what it was. They're just praying to the gods and sacrificing chickens and shit. They don't know what the fuck is going to happen. Things they used to do back then is let people bleed out because they believed that it had bad blood. Now this guy's dying because their blood supply is low. Oof. Least you use leeches. Wow.

However, though the beak mask has become an iconic symbol of the Black Death, there's no evidence it was actually worn during the 14th century epidemic. Medical historians have in fact attributed the invention of the beak doctor costume to a French doctor named Charles de Lorme in 1619. He designed the bird mask to be worn with a large waxen coat as a form of head-to-toe protection modeled on a soldier's armor. Wow. First worn by doctors during the plague of 1656,

which killed 145,000 people in Rome and 300,000 in Naples. That's a lot of fucking people, folks. Like, to put it in perspective, I think Italy lost. How many died in Italy overall? I feel like it was less than 50. I think it was. Less than 50? Yeah.

What's the full total? 33,000. Yeah. So think about that, right? We saw those images from Italy. It looked like the end of the world, right? Yeah. What's the full total? 33,000. Yeah. So think about that, right? We saw those images from Italy. It looked like the end of the world, right? Right. Like the hospitals were overrun.

Good point. It's 33,000 deaths. Now think about how many deaths they had in Rome and in Naples. They had 300,000 in one place and 100,000 in another. Like, bro, everybody was dying. It's a different thing. So even though this pandemic sucks

a fat one, we're way better at this shit than we used to be. Well, good thing they phased out the bird mask. I mean, imagine if we were still wearing that and using that science. What if it actually worked? That would be even crazier. I mean, if they have these N95 masks,

doesn't some stuff kill things? Doesn't garlic kill a lot of shit? It killed half the people in these cities. In 1631? Yeah. Look at that. Wow, the population. Wow.

One in Verona, they lost 61% of their population. There's 54,000 people in 1630. By 1631, there was 33,000. They lost 61%. Holy fuck, man. That's crazy. But the Italians in Italy, in a lot of ways, have that one thing in common with folks that live in New York City is the high density.

With them, it's density in families. The families all live together. It's like mom and grandpa and dad and kids. Everything's built up as opposed to – Yeah, and they're all around each other. They're very social. They're just giving it to each other. Plus, they're kissing each other and shit.

They're kissing each other. They're making out while they're sick, drinking wine, smoking cigarettes. They're all smoking cigarettes. They executed three plague spreaders, which they've been talking about in today's world. People that are like spreaders. Have you heard that talked about at all? That someone's a spreader? Yeah.

Like people that are just outspread. Bad people? Intentionally? Like they know that they're positive for it? So they executed people who defied the governor's orders. Describing a historical trial and execution of three alleged plague spreaders, it says. Wow. And then they started publishing pamphlets probably to scare people away from doing it.

Well, for sure there are people that if they get a disease, they want to give it to you. Yeah, twisted. Somebody with a twisted mind. Plus they're angry. They're really sick, and you're not. Why aren't you sick, you fuck? And they just want to give it to you. There's some selfish people out there.

Terrible. Terrible people. you this is some selfish people out there oh terrible terrible people so how long did you work on this set before you uh put it on your special like how when when did you know what the set was going to be i mean i was i was tweaking i was tweaking stuff right up to it just because i i was getting obsessive man i was you know I toured with that hour for that year, and the paperwork was done by first quarter 2019. Oh, okay. So you knew. Yeah, so I knew. I knew that I was going to film a special, and I thought that I was going to film it right away.

But then I ended up waiting, and I filmed it in November. Do you think that's better? Do you like it that way? Like, I always feel like every time I filmed a special, if I just waited three months later, it would be better. I, well, yeah, I wish I would have waited in a certain sense because once I taped it, I had some weekends lined up still that I had on the books and I went out there and I found new tags and new stuff and I'm like, man.

Always. Man. It didn't sit well. It was like a lot of dissonance and even as I'm editing the thing, I'm like, I could have put the tag right there. I could have said it this way. But it's like, it's ever changing. So it's like, when does it stop? It's like, I hear

it about documentaries. It's like, when do you stop a documentary? It could continue documenting an event forever. So it's like you know i i hear it about documentaries it's like when do you stop a documentary because you know it could continue you know documenting an event forever and so it's like at one point you're just like hey it's a snapshot in time this is the material i was doing from here to here this is what i got yeah that's a good way of looking at it yeah um but you're you're right about never knowing when they're done and you're right about never knowing when they're done, and you're right about documentaries, man. Yeah. Documentaries can go on for – there's some documentaries like the Wild,

Wild Country, the one that's on that cult in Oregon. I felt like they could have done that for a year. I mean, they had so much footage. And then tangents, you know, the tangents they could have taken. It's like, what about that person? Let's follow this person. You know, it's never ending, so you almost just have to, you know, just be like, all right, you know, here's the deadline. You know, the checkpoints we were talking about earlier and just going with it.

And it's my first special. I mean, I'm excited for it and I hope it's well received. But I work really hard, man. That's dope. Look at you, you handsome bastard. Look at you. Wearing the same outfit. That's awesome.

Now, once it airs, once it's on Showtime, will it be available on an app afterwards or on iTunes? Yeah, it's going to be a wider release where people can stream it on Spotify or Pandora or, you know. Oh, nice. But the video version of it, is that going to be somewhere for streaming too? Yeah, that's going to be out streaming wide release, but we'll find out where it's going to go.

Hopefully I'll find a home where it could be streaming stuff. But it's on Showtime Friday night? Yeah, Friday 9 p.m. Eastern time. 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific time. I did math for you. You're welcome. Stay at home, son. That's Eastern time? 9 p.m. Eastern. 6 p.m. Pacific time. I did math for you. You're welcome. Stay-at-home son. That's awesome.

May 29, Friday. It really is the perfect name for the time. It's almost like you predicted it. Crazy. Do you think you did? Do you think you willed it into existence? No. That's like something my mom would do.

She claims to have a psychic ability. It's so delayed, Mom. Maybe you did. Subconsciously?ly somewhere in your head like some shit is going down yeah stay at home stay at home i mean it's uh yeah i'm just very excited very excited that i got to do this special and put it together that's awesome i'm excited for you man i know it's gonna be really funny like i said i i saw a bunch of the shit we worked together at the improv and the store and very funny stuff, man. Thank you, man.

I'm appreciative for the opportunity to get to work with you too, man. You're very kind and seeing you work too. It's like when I get to host those shows for you at the improv or the comedy store, it's cool to host, but to sit there and see what you're doing, tweaking stuff. And I remember you working on the Jenner bit. Yeah. And when I saw you do that act out of the stool of getting up there, it's like, holy moly. Like, you're one that constantly changes.

And I'm, you know, when you perform, I'm always kind of watching what you're doing. And, man, that act out was insane. Well, I had to figure out some way to, like, make someone whispering in his ear while he's sleeping but I also had to make it like it had to be dramatic like I'm whispering to a sleeping person I had to like crawl in there and I wanted to do it in a way like I'm really flexible so I can move in a weird way you know so I could you

can move like I think a demon would be so I had to figure out how to make that funny man it took a long ass time that So I had to figure out how to make that funny, man. It took a long-ass time. That act, I was exclusive to a Joe Rogan type. Because, I mean, just the strength that would require to stand the way you were on top of the stool. And I love when you did that bit at the store. Because, Danny, the sound guy would dim the lights. And it would be like a spotlight on you in this room. It would be completely dark.

I'm like, oh, it's an even added effect. But, I mean, but you held it. The level of commitment, I loved seeing that. You know, it's just like at first it was like a little shorter, but then, I mean, you would commit. Like it would be three, four minutes. You're, bro. It's like, oh, he's doing it again. I had to figure out what the tags on that were too.

That was weird as well. I had to figure out what the tags on that were too. That was weird as well. But it's also like we're so lucky that we are around other people that are pushing really good material out too. It's like when you're around people that are working on stuff, it's very inspiring. That environment at the store is the main reason I stayed in L.A. for this long. There's something about that environment at the store. It's so electric.

Everybody's watching everybody. I'm watching your set. You're watching Bobby Lee. Everybody's watching everybody. Ian Edwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Owen Smith. Everybody's getting this sense of the level of comedy now.

It's very high. Yeah, but the store is like a Petri dish of just success. It's so conducive. It's set up in such a way that it makes a comedian work hard and try to figure it out. And even more so now. I mean, all the big guys are killing it. So it's like if you show up, even if it's a 1 a.m. spot, it's like you better bring it, man. You better bring it to the store.

Yeah, writing and figuring all that out. When do you think we're coming back? If you had to guess. July? Like full-on backpack-to-back? Full-on. I'd say there'll be a level of coming back in July. I think Fourth of July would be a big thing. You think so?

Yeah, people will want to go out. Yeah, but I think September. September is my roll of the dice. September. September. Mid- of the dice. September. September. Mid-September is my guess. We'll see. What do you think?

Later or sooner? That might be right for full blown out shows with full audiences. That's what I'm hoping. I think it's going to be that reduced capacity situation. But for how long? People are going to be starving. The clubs are going to be hurting bad. The restaurants are already hurting bad.

And you're going to let them open up at 25%. I want to know what kind of science is there in that. There was a picture that I saw. There was a comedian out of Puerto Rico that posted it. His name is Chente. But there was a picture of a theater, right? And the seating was taken out. So there's two seats, six feet, one seat.

Six feet, two seats together, six feet apart, one seat. And it looked like they were like building it, like they were filling in the seats, but they had taken out the things. And I'm like, that, yeah, that just looks gnarly. So weird. I want to know if there's real science to that. Is that really going to stop people from getting sick?

I don't know. I mean, this is our bird mask equivalent. It is, but there's no fucking talk about nutrition. No one's telling people to sleep more. No one's telling people to stop drinking sugar. Right. It's all just be scared. It's all your hands stay away stay away cover your face yeah i can't wait i i can't wait to get back on stage i've been writing and just the the the routine that we

develop of hey you write during the day you get stuff ready you perform it at night record the set wake up in the morning listen to it. That's been disrupted completely, and it's like I feel it. I feel the energy shift, and I want to get back to that as soon as possible. There's nothing more exciting than putting together a set. Well, I shouldn't say that. There's things that are more exciting, but it's a very exciting thing. It's up there. It's up there.

Putting together a set and getting to work it out and just getting excited about, oh, I got a 10-13. 10-13. 10-15 spot. Head down. Sit in the back for a little bit. Get my bearings. Loosen up. Maybe I'll do a shot.

I'm going to do a shot before the show. Yeah. Get ready. Go over my notes real quick. Yeah, there's something very exciting about it. Especially when you know you're about to do a new bit. Like, here it comes. Here it comes.

Jesus. Release the hounds. Yeah. And knowing me, I'd be so excited. I'd go up there and I'm like, da-da-da-da, and I'd fumble it. I'm like, oh, boy. It takes a while before those bits are alive. They walk out there on bambi legs.

Yeah, sometimes, most of the time, I feel like I'll somehow do a better version the first time I say it, and then I'm chasing the dragon for a long time. That's where recordings come in play, though, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm obsessive. I'm obsessive with the writing. It's like leading up to the special, I even got like a WeWork spot just so I could use their whiteboard. And I would before each weekend, I lay out the whole thing.

And, you know, you know, Ian Edwards was kind enough to I'm like, hey, can I walk you through everything? And I'm doing arrows. And he's like, you should hold that picture. It's like that that that picture you should hold because I would just lay everything there. So I have a picture of it. Yeah, I do. Is it on your Instagram or anything? No, I haven't posted it yet. Maybe I'll post it right after the special. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do it.

Do it. It's everything on there, and I broke it up in thirds. I got really obsessive because I wanted to explain the first 20 minutes. It's like my upbringing. I define the variables. You have the picture. Why don't you airdrop it to me right now while we're thinking about it and I'll put it up on Instagram too

to let everybody know. He sent it to you? No, if he did, I could put it up right now. Oh, there you go. Yeah, but maybe he doesn't want everybody to see his set. No, no, they can see it because not everything got in there, but it doesn't bother me.

Okay. You know, it's my process, so. Right, right, right. I'll definitely send it to you by then. Oh, just send it to me. Yeah, yeah. We'll definitely send it to you. Just send it to me. We'll remember. I know you work really hard, so I'm excited to see it. Because I know you are always grinding, Jesus.

I see you at the store, at the improv. You're always putting in the work. I'm trying. But you're always real enthusiastic, man. We're all real fortunate, man, that we get to do this. We're real fortunate that we get to do this we're real fortunate that we get to do it yeah around each other so many other funny people yeah no it's it's great i'm a i'm a fan and a student of comedy you know it's like i you know from from the get-go like you know even because i didn't have full command of the language you know you know until i was like around in the

fifth grade so my first exposure being you know mex comedians, like a Cantinflas or, you know, Chespirito, who was a playwright, you know, who wrote these funny characters and India Maria. And that was my first exposure to comedy, I feel like. It was like, you know, from there into physical comedy, to your Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges, Buster Keaton. Like to me, that was like hysterical. When did you learn English? I started learning, well, I think by fifth grade I fully understood it,

but I grew up around, even though I'm born here in Long Beach, you slowly learn it. That's interesting. Yeah, I slowly learned it, and I was in or around only people that spoke Spanish. I think there's a giant advantage to being bilingual, not just in that you can speak two languages and talk to you know people from different cultures and go and travel around the world speak Spanish but also because I

think your brain has that there's more nuance to your understanding of language right because you've got two different languages that you can go back and forth in your head you got a romantic Latin language and you've got you know European English you've got this weird combination of those two that you can go back and forth in your head. You got a romantic Latin language and you've got, you know, European English. You've got this weird combination of those two things. You can choose. And so you get a flavor of like the, they sound different. They have different, there's different ways of structuring sentences. I bet you get a, I bet it's a playing chess in a lot of ways. Like it's a little brain exercise. Yeah. It's, it's, it's interesting. But I think initially when you're trying to learn a language, my dad used to joke and say that, you know, I was going to end up mute.

He's like, you can't speak English or Spanish well. He's like, this is bad. And that's true. I think from a learning point of view, it's like. You had them garbled up together? Yeah, I would make up words or, you know. My dad's like, what are you, that's not even Spanish or English. And I'm like, do you, like, my dad wouldn't even speak English either.

So he's like, I know, I don't speak it well, but I know you're saying it wrong. So it was a very hard thing, you know, and, and I tested very badly in school because of it, you know, and that's a problem with a lot of kids, right? Huge. I would be put, I got put into, you know, uh, slower classes, if you will, because I tested so awful on paper. And it's like I understand the concepts. I understand what's going on. I just can't communicate it. And obviously part of education is learning how to conceptualize something

and communicate it properly. But if you can't do that, they just think that the mechanics, your logic is impaired, and it's not. It's my ability to communicate. not yeah it's my ability to communicate yeah it's it's your ability to communicate and it's also when you get behind the eight ball with something like that as a kid and you get self-conscious about it and then it's bothering you for years and years that can affect all the aspects of your life can totally affect your confidence with girls or everything with friends or with whatever.

With boys, whatever you're into. Then something could be like, you know, it's like, oh, he's not behaving well with kids. He's fighting. Well, it's because the lack of communication. To get angry and frustrated at the world and lash out. But, you know, now as an adult knowing both languages, it's quite interesting because especially performing stand-up i've been to mexico and perform stand-up and it's it's really cool because even as i was

getting ready to do this special there was a show in mexico that i went to go do and i did the hour in spanish oh wow so now it's like how much changes a lot cadence you know cadence uh similes metaphors are are different you know you're, similes, metaphors are different. You know, you're saying things backwards. Right, right. It's like, it's the red car, car red, you know? It's like, so you're thinking different, and sometimes new jokes come about, but sometimes the material you lose in the translation, you know?

Word play. Yeah. Do you add as well, though? I definitely have some original only, like, Spanish observational bits that wouldn't work the other way either. So that's really cool. I think it's really cool. It's like I guess the best example I could give, it's like working on your left. You know, you spent years working on this shot and you can do, you know, a free throw. You could do the, you know, layaway and now you're working with the left yeah it's close but it definitely requires more work more thinking yeah yeah when you teach

people martial arts their left hand it's like useless it's hilarious when they first learn how to throw a left hook so few people know how to throw their left arm correctly it's it's not coordinated yeah it doesn't have the muscle memory and at least for this for the language eventually one language takes over the other and it's like you know my uh uh in high school i remember uh english teacher told me this it's like you know which language is the most dominant because you dream and think in that language oh yeah i've heard that people say that about moving someplace or being on vacation someplace for a long extended period of time, you speak the language, you start dreaming in that language. It's kind of crazy. So it's like now I think in English and translate it into Spanish. But, you know, so when I went to Mexico after like a day or two, it's like I'm now thinking in Spanish because my

crosshairs have been adjusted. You know, you almost have to like want to soak in the environment. You don't want to like the I feel I don if this is to be true, but I feel like the mind wants to like mimic. It always tries to replicate. That's why when you hear somebody with an accent, you're like you almost want to repeat it back to them kind of thing. Or somebody whispers and you're like, I'm whispering too. It's like why are you doing it? And I feel like that's what that is too. It's like you start to

adjust your crosshairs, but it's been fun navigating, you know, doing stand-up in both languages. Joey Diaz does Spanglish shows. Oh, cool. He does English and Spanish together, and he's done a bunch of those in Miami. Dude, you do not want to follow Joey Diaz in Miami when he throws some Spanglish on that

crowd. Heck no. English, Spanglish, whatever. He's a beast. You don't want to follow him with English, but I'm telling you, in Miami when he throws some Spanglish on that crowd. Heck no. English, Spanglish, whatever. He's a beast. You don't want to follow him with English, but I'm telling you, in Miami, when they used to have him go down to the Miami Improv and middle, he would middle for these big-time headliners. And Joey was friends with the guy who ran the club.

So Joey was there quite a bit. He'd get good road work there. And, dude, nobody wanted to work with him. Nobody wanted to work with him. Nobody wanted to work with him. He would say some shit in Spanish and in English, saca la binga, and then everybody would be fucking falling on the floor. And then you try to go up there with your regular jokes, like, good luck, bitch. What's the deal with the socks?

Like, get out of here with that. You can't, man. Not that place. Miami's so wild. It's such a wild place. It's so different. I haven't spent much time there. I definitely know that it's...

It's like a South American country. It's wild. They're wild, man. They're all partying. No one's wearing any clothes. People are dancing. There's music in the streets. The food's great.

But it's just got a different vibe. You know, it just has a different vibe. It's more party vibe. Party vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I've been told. Like, when I hear old people moving to Miami, I'm like, how are you going to keep up? Right, right.

That's a party town. You really want to do that? Yeah. Burn your ass out. You're going to be like, these kids and their fucking noise. Be out in the backyard hearing music and people laughing. That's where people go when they want to party. Miami.

If they want to, if like a young kid and they're not doing shit with their life, like, I go when they want to party. Miami. If they want to, if like a young kid, they're not doing shit with their life. Like, I think I'm going to move to Miami. It's like, oh boy, going to get my party on.

Maybe be a DJ. Hey, teach his own. And that's what you want to do. What do you think you would have done if you weren't a comic? Hmm. I think I would have, uh,

I would have done something in the art still maybe even like teach art that would have been cool like illustration or yeah illustration I like doodling and stuff I've always been into that and I thought I was gonna do that in college and I ended up you know getting a business degree in marketing are you left-handed uh no no I'm gonna you do a lot of shit with your left hand I'm noticing you move your I When I was younger

I could write with both I pushed myself to do with those So it's like My left is my dominant Like Not me My left hand is basically useless I broke my forearm once

When I was like Six I guess And I had to write And draw and shit With my left hand It was terrible. Until I got that cast off, and I went right back to old righty. Old righty knows how to listen.

My handwriting isn't great. It looks like a little kid wrote it. So I would do that on my left because I'm like, they both write the same. So what does it matter? They don't know. When you write, do you write with a computer or do you write on a notebook?

I write stuff in my little notebook. I do it. One of the things I got in the habit of doing if I can't get to my little notebook, I just start an email chain with premises for the week. Oh, really? And then I'll just email myself. And then when I do sit down and write on Friday, I could just pull up the thing and I'm like, pull up this thread that i've been replying to myself you know it's like birthdays and then whatever the thing i said it's like why don't you store it on your notes because i like to make things difficult joe if i'm being honest i don't you know it's like there's some there's some there's

some impairment in here i mean you legitimately like to make things difficult? Seriously? I like to find a different way of doing it. Oh. And to see if I can land in a, I don't know, it's like if I can land it a more efficient way or just another way of doing it. Well, it seems like it's effective. I mean, it's easy to switch from your computer to your phone because you obviously have email and both. Well, yeah. So it's like it'll be email. It could be a legal pad.

This is what I use for sure. And then, you know, I put them up on my wall because I like to be, like, constantly, like, looking at them. So I feel like in the morning when I look, I wake up and I look at the wall, I have the bits and I have a running set list on a whiteboard in my room that I just kind of look at, just look at the set list, and then the stuff that I'm working at that I just write long form. So I don't know.

It's probably not the most efficient way, but it works for me. It makes sense. It doesn't matter if it's the most efficient because it's really a lot of it is about time spent thinking about the bits. Maybe if it's inefficient, you'd be thinking about it even more. You know, it doesn't matter. It's like it seems to me that you're doing everything that you have to do, which is you're writing things and organizing things and thinking about it. That seems to be what it's about. Like the way it gets better is thinking about it and thinking about it with like intent and energy and like real focus, like really trying to figure out how to make this bit better. And the more time you spend doing that, the better your bits are.

So you're doing all the right steps, whether you do it through email or whether you do it through notes. I'm just wondering why you don't do it through notes or something like that or Evernote. I use Evernote, too, which is great. Oh, Evernote's good. I use that for a while because you can put pictures and stuff like that. So sometimes I would be inspired by a picture and write the thing or a link, you know, an article. Yeah, Evernote's great. I just love having that ability to do something that goes straight to your computer, too.

And it's also cross-platform. So if you have Windows or Android, it doesn't matter. When did you make the switch from paper to computer? Because Ian Edwards gives me a hard time. He's like, you know there's computers now. Why do you keep writing on legal pad? Well, they say when you write on legal pads, though, you remember it more. The yellow.

The yellow does something to the eye, right? Maybe. I'm sure. Maybe. But what I meant was actually physically writing. I don't know whether or not the yellow would. I think it's cool looking. I like the way it looks.

Looks like I'm serious. Like I'm one of the mathematicians. They always write on like yellow legal paper when they're doing their crazy computations. They lick the pen before they write for no reason. It's like, no, it's not an inkwell pen. It's a regular. Weird. That's weird.

Licking pens. Strange people. That's how the no, it's not an inkwell pen. It's a regular. Weird. That's weird. Licking pens. Strange people. That's how the COVID gets spread, you fucks. But I think there's something about actually writing things down that enhances your memory of those things. Like if you make a list, if you write that list down, there's something about it stores better. It's more accessible. I've read that and I've experienced it. So a trick that I got from Kevin James, because we have the same manager,

and I didn't have a rider. They said, what do you want for a rider? I said, I don't give a fuck. Just water, whatever. So they put all the stuff that he gets on my rider. They just give him Kevin's rider. It's like normal stuff, but also index cards. He has index cards.

He has index cards and Sharpies with every performance. And so I started going over my notes. I would go over my notes during the day, you know, do all my writing, write stuff out. But then right before the show, I spent a whole hour just breaking down bits onto little index cards just bullet points just get things out just so it's drilled into my head right there and then full full confidence and I know all the beats all the the moments in order and what the window go fast and when to go slow and and it seems like just the more time you spend doing stuff like that it's just better it's just always better it's good yeah it's good because i feel like you're engaging more parts of your body

and writing something you're you know you're writing the letter so subconsciously you're tapping into the memory of how do i write this letter this word you know organizing it visually you know it's you're holding a pen it's like yeah it's it really becomes ingrained and yeah in the mind and i think there's something special that i don't see myself walking away from that part of it but for the sake of remembering the premise because then there's nothing worse than it's like dang it what was that thing i know oh man that's why i really like using notes because on my iphone when i use the notes i just use that uh voice to text feature oh that's great yeah so when it's slippery and it's in my head like oh oh oh oh why is it that and then i'll say it bam and it comes out perfect yeah voice to text is really amazing too because sometimes in the process of remembering

and writing some of the words are lost and it's like no that wasn't the same it's really so it captures exactly what you need to do i wonder wonder if it could pick up your name. My man Jesus is a bad motherfucker. Oh, yeah, look at that. Jesus. Look at that. Jesus, that's funny. Got you in there.

Perfect. I was wondering, like, will you be? Yeah, sometimes the iPhone is like, you know, it's like when you get an Uber or something, it's like, drop off Jesus on the left. It's like, oh, no. That always gets a big laugh. Or when I do, like, I'll get a direction somewhere.

And once I was like, destination on the left. Jesus. It's like, what's with the attitude, Siri? Jesus. Now, why is it that that's such a popular name in Spanish? It's, you know, it's because it's, you know, Mexico. My parents are from Mexico. And, you know, the predominant religion in Mexico is Catholicism.

So it's Jesus, much like in the Muslim religion in the Middle East. Mahomet. Yeah. So it's our equivalent, I think. I believe it lands somewhere in there. Do you know how crazy you have to be to be a white guy to name your son Jesus? Bro, you got to be off the charts crazy. If you found out his name, his kid's name is what?

Right. His kid's name is Jesus. The guy with the beard, his fucking kid's name is Jesus. Oh, my God. We're moving. Get your shit. We're moving. Call your sister.

Fuck. Yeah, Jesus. The guy can't live right next door where we sleep. Names his kid Jesus. I don't want to be here when the ATF breaks down his door, finds out he's running a cult. When I went to Mexico, they had the paperwork, and my passport and stuff is Jesus Trejo.

I wrote it just as I would. And there was a thing that didn't match up, and it was an accent. So if you look at it, it's written with English letters, you know? So it's like my parents didn't really know how to read or write. So somebody else filled out the paperwork for me, like my birth certificate. So it's Jesus Trejo, just like you would see it anywhere else. But in Mexico, there's an accent over it. You know, there's an accent over the E, Jesus, you know, almost like the ñ.

So technically, I guess, I found that out when I went to Mexico. One of the comedians, and also when I showed my passport at customs, was like, it's Jesus. It's Jesus Trejo. Oh, because it's not Jesus. Right. Because it doesn't have that accent. Oh, interesting. Right. Like año.

Yeah, but you're not married to that fucking silly piece of paper. No, no. I'm just saying it's like año, you know, the accent. Right. Like año. Yeah, but you're not married to that fucking silly piece of paper. No, I'm just saying it's like año, you know, the accent. It's like when the Pope came, it's like because of the accent. So it's like papa is like, you know, dad. Yeah. But also it's potato. And it's like somebody had a sign on over, you can see it.

It's like, welcome potato. Like just with the confidence of, you know, Google Translate. Can you imagine putting in all that work and it's wrong. Spanish has those cool little things that hang out above letters. Yeah, that's ñ. Yeah. And that's a whole letter in itself. Yeah.

Yeah. That's kind of dope though. You guys get extra letters. Do you use all the letters that English uses, too? All of them? Do we use all of them? I haven't used Z in a long time. Yeah, but there's got to be some.

What? That are some songs that are some words that end in Z. They're Spanish words, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought in English. It's like, do you use all? Right, but I'm saying in Spanish words, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought in English. It's like, do you use all? Right, but I'm saying in Spanish. Maybe I said it wrong.

What I meant is like, are there any English letters that, because you have extra ones like ñ. Yeah, ñ you use a lot, like ñ. Right. You know, año for year. Yeah. So you have one more, but do you have all the ones? Or double L, like Make a Y sound?

Yeah. But Spanish and English use all the other... There's not like a letter that Spanish tends to not use, right? Yeah. It's the English language. Yeah, it's all the same. There's five extra letters. Oh, five extra. And then Vikings have

those cool little dots and shit over their letters. You ever watch like that show Vikings the way they're you know Norwegian people and Icelandic people they put those weird dots all over the place like do you do you know what is that when they when they're typing things in Icelandic or in Viking Lang language Icelandic that, one of the more fascinating things about humans today, is that they have this one part of the world where they develop these enormous men, these strong men guys. These guys are all from Iceland. Like, a whole bunch of them are from Iceland.

Like, that Game of Thrones guy that played the mountain. Uh-huh. They're all these monstrously huge people. And you're like, well, what is that? What the fuck is going on there? Well, they're Vikings, bitch. Water's different. This is the leftover Vikings.

Yeah. Like, they were real. They really were a bunch of giant men who marauded their way across the world. We're real lucky that now all they try to do is, like, throw beer barrels over the top of a fence. We're lucky. We're lucky these guys just, like, hold on to cars and keep them from sliding down a ramp. You see that when they have a handle in each hand and they just fucking hold there?

We're lucky. We're lucky as fuck. They would be out there crushing skulls and smashing. This is the weird one they have. They have a letter that no word starts with. It's like the lower case. It's after D. It's in between D and E.

It's called F? I don't know. What does it say? There was something that popped up there. What was that thing that popped up? It's probably because I was just hovering over something. Oh, hover over that O with the two dots over at the end. That's what I'm trying to get to.

But you see the one far? Yeah, that's the one I was talking about. Like, what is that fucker? It's like a character. Like, what are you doing here? I don't know. They put me here. It says O or O

whatever. It's not even saying how to say it. Umlaut is the thing above it. Oh, umlaut. Okay. It's a character that like I know there's a guy, a mathematician, Kurt Godell. Don't they use that in his name? It's a character that represents the letter

from several extended Latin alphabets. The letter O, modified with an umlaut or diuresis? Diuresis? In many languages, the O or the O modified with an umlaut is used to

denote the non-closed front rounded vowels. Oh, you know what that is. I don't have to explain that to you at all, Jesus. What the fuck is that? The fuck's a non-closed front rounded vowel? I give up. It's too hard, you Viking fucks.

Go eat your pickled swords. It's so fascinating, all the alphabets, even like the Greek alphabet, the alphabet, gamma, delta, that's what, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, and in mathematics, they tend to use that more to assign to variables. What's that dope A-E right next to it? That's pretty cool. What is that?

Elon's kid's name, right? I think so. Character formed from the letters A and E. Whoops. Originally a ligature representing the Latin diphthong A-E. It has been promoted to the full status of a letter in some languages, including the Danish, Norwegian, Icelandic, and Faroese. Faroese?

Hmm. What the fuck is that place? It was also used in Old Swedish before being changed to an A with two dots above it. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. I've seen it in enema. I don't know how it's properly supposed to be said.

That character looks like when you buy alphabet soup and there's two letters stuck together, you're like, oh wow, I got the special one. Exactly, like SpaghettiOs. They pile on top of each other. Look at that one, a D that's been attacked by a sword with a backward six. And these are Viking languages?

Yeah, so it's called orthography. Looks like a blossoming number six. Icelandic orthography. It's dope. That's fascinating. Well, what's really interesting to me is how old it is. I mean, how long has that particular language been around for? Early 12th century.

It says first document referred to as the... That's wild shit. That's wild shit. They just found a horde of Viking stuff. I think something was defrosting.

See if you can find the Viking artifacts. Wow. What a crazy time that must have been never knowing when you wake up you're gonna see a boat full of fucking giant men with swords just looking to pull up at the beach and start hacking people apart and raping all the women like fuck is it melting ice reveals a lost viking era pass in Norway's mountains.

Wow. Wow. Artifacts show people used the route for 1,000 years then abandoned it, possibly amid a plague. Another plague. Another plague. What is that thing that dude's got in his hand? What does it say? A wooden bit for goats, kids, and lambs

to prevent them suckling their mother. Wow. Because the milk was processed for human consumption. So a pacifier? Wow. So they put that in their mouth to make them bite down their mother. Wow. Because the milk was processed for human consumption. So a pacifier? Wow. So they put that in their mouth to make them bite down on it. Oh, how weird. It looks like the top of a scroll, like a small one.

So the humans were stealing the lamb's breast milk and then giving it to their family. And then they'd pour a little lamb. Ah! Ah! I wonder what's going on. Trying to suck that tit. Like, no, no, no. How about you just take a stick in your mouth, you little fuck, and I'll tie it behind your head.

There's another one. Stylus. That's more pacifiers. How weird. Yeah, it's a stylus, right? That's what it says. It says possible stylus. Yeah.

But what would that be used for? It looks the exact same. I don't know. Do they have notes? Palm pilots? They have galaxy notes? It looks exactly like the one with the little notch on it. It does.

Like you could click the top of it and change. Have you ever used the Galaxy Note? No. Dude, they're dope. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, the real problem is you don't have the same protection. It's SMS for text messaging, like green text messaging.

Green bubble, yeah. It's kind of, it's just's sms for text messaging a green text green bubble yeah it's kind of it's just not the best way it's easier to if you're interested in privacy it's way easier to intercept your data and the things you're saying and it's just it's more secure the way apple does it but um what they have going for them is this fucking pen where you could draw on anything you could draw on this front screen like if you want to take notes you could pen where you could draw on anything you could draw on this front screen like if you want to take notes you could take notes you could put your notes on the screen of your phone like when it's off and then you can swipe like you put like a hundred pages of notes and you store those notes and you could write them all and they even take the text messages i'm pretty

sure that you've written and and translate it into printed font So it'll take, yeah, yeah. It's pretty amazing. The fucking screen is enormous. It's an enormous screen with this tiny little dot hole in it. So like for watching YouTube videos and shit, it's incredible. It's just Apple's ecosystem is so seductive. Right. Once you start using the blue iMessages,

and then the big one for me is airdropping. Like I said, hey, airdropping is picture. Yeah, AirDrop is so easy. Just bloop, it's on there. Oh, got it, got it. Even video from like a laptop to your phone, it's just so easy in both ways. And with AirDrop, you know, we could be on the top of a mountain with no cell phone service at all, and you could AirDrop me. Right. Because it's just Bluetooth.

It's just wireless. It's going from phone to phone. It doesn't have to be connected to a network. It's pretty amazing. Yeah's just wireless. It's going from phone to phone. It doesn't have to be connected to a network. It's pretty amazing. Yeah, and it's hard. Once you get into this whole, like, yeah, once you get into the iPhone of it all, the Apple products, it's like they got you by every angle. You got to get the iPad. You got to get the.

They're sneaky. They're sneaky. The headphones, the works. It's good to have competition, but the way they've done it, man, they've made it so attractive that at least 50% of the people, I think, are on iPhones. Isn't it like that in America? Depending on what you want to say, because I just heard something like

82% of all devices are Android. That makes sense. Yeah, that's just because in other places, iPhones are not as attractive because they have more options and they have whatsapp these whatsapp all the time So they do so much of their texting through whatsapp. It doesn't even matter. They don't get the green They don't give a fuck and whatsapp you could send full pictures and you could do all that shit

Yeah videos the whole works. Yeah, but there's something about you know, the green text message bubble, you know here It's like the cone of shame, apparently. Yeah, you've got to be willing to get away from that. Because here's the thing. It doesn't show up like that on an Android phone. On an Android phone, you have different themes. You can change the colors. You can change the way it looks.

You have way more flexibility to change the way it looks. There's a bunch of different messaging apps that you could use. You could have night mode and all kinds of shit. 45% of the smartphone users in the United States. You could have night mode and all kinds of shit. 45% of the smartphone users in the United States. Wow. 100 million iPhone users. That's a lot.

I've never gave it a shot, but... God damn, that's crazy. It's crazy because it's one company. That's what's really crazy. Like Android phones, you've got Samsung, you got OnePlus. I mean, you can go down the line. You got... Motorola makes some. Everybody makes some.

Right. Palm still makes cell phones. Do they really? Yeah. They made a tiny one that's like that big. It's weird. It's so big that you could wear like skin-tight pants. And it's just like a tiny little thing that slides into your pocket.

It wouldn't even look weird. Look at it. There it is. Look at the size of this fucker. It's hard to see right there but it's so small like how big their hand is yeah and i don't know how big that dude's hand is have you seen the new motorola uh razor maybe guys like to paint their nails bro maybe tate tate likes to paint or he used to at least but look how tiny is look how little so there's a lot of uh people are like i'm sick of

being fucking completely digitally connected i just want to be able to text people when i want to so yeah so i'll just take this little ass thing with me and just give myself a little break like if i need to call somebody it's there and the way i think it is this is one of them but the other one that they had syncs up with their bigger phone So they had like a bigger phone they could like leave at home. So it's almost like a more usable version of an Apple watch Oh Designed for life on the go. They're down to that one. Have you seen the razor? It's like the tiny thing There's like a new version that folds in half and then opens up to the thing that's pretty pretty cool this looks like such an iphone

clone though doesn't it like look at the way the camera's set up in the back you can't trick me scroll scroll up a little bit so i can see those photos of the yeah look at that that's a freaking iphone yeah which oh no we put it on the other side. Even the Google phone is pretty similar, right? No, iPhone's on the left. We're on the right. It's totally different. Same thing, bitch. I think phones are doing the same thing that car companies do.

They kind of go with a certain chassis and they dress it up in their own way. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Well, there's definitely a lot of that. Well, there's companies that make the components. You know, like Samsung makes most of the screens for iPhones. Oh, wow. Yeah, even though iPhone is a different company, the screens are being made by a company outside.

But the only thing that separates Apple in that regard is that Apple makes their own processors, I think. I think that Bionic, isn't it exclusively to Apple? The A12 chip? Yeah, the Bionic thing. I think it is, and it's supposedly the best cell phone chip. Then with Samsung, they can choose between the Snapdragon, so they have the Snapdragon series.

What is it, like the 865 or something like that? Yeah, specs-wise, they've got to be pretty close, right? They're real close. It's got to be like Intel versus whatever you see back in the day. But that's what I was saying about the Note that I have. Like, it's fast as fuck. And the new ones, the thing about the new ones is they have 120 hertz refresh rate. I haven't experienced that, but I have experienced that with TVs and video

games monitors. When you play Quake on them at a very high refresh rate, it's amazing. A high frame rate makes the thing so much smoother and cooler looking. It doesn't look... They say your eye can only register 30 frames per second, but I don't know if that's really true. Do you think it's more or less? I think you could see more. Because when they ramp it up, the difference between 30 and 90 is pretty prevalent.

And I think most phones are at 60 hertz. Is that right? Yeah, they're starting to get up into 120 right now. Yeah. So apparently there's a big benefit. And Samsung has that. So when you scroll, like if you get one of their new Galaxy S20ss and you scroll with it it's like buttery smooth apparently everybody tries it says intoxicating so like it's so fun to use just because of that refresh rate there's something

so but Apple's going to come up with that next too yeah yeah they're going to be toe-in-toe but I think the main the main thing I think why people almost gravitate to like an iPhone it's it's like the camera you know it's like when when somebody on Instagram posts a picture from like a Samsung you know it's a Samsung you know it's like and this one just has a little more depth of field I think that used to be the case oh not anymore no no the new line like the Galaxy s20s there's a thing called the s20 ultra it's one of the most ridiculous cameras you've ever seen on a phone ever dude. It's got a hundred and eight megapixel 108 megapixel lens

Don't get caught up in that 108 number though because it's just a number. It's like a data number, right? It's the same thing with the zoom right like the zoom is a lot of its digital zoom, right? Yeah It's a it still has a lot to do with the optics and the glass that's going in there and then the sensor that it's Them being going on so that can give you a better or worse picture. But it used to be a big deal to have like a five megapixel camera on a phone. Now they're up to 108. They have these gigantic camera bumps in the back of these cameras now because they have these – they have actual zoom lenses that are mechanical zoom lenses. And then they have digital zoom.

So they have – and then they're doing night vision like not night vision but night mode where they'll take a photograph of a dark room and then you could see almost all the detail they do that now don't yeah did you see the new iphones do that infrared issue that came up like a week or two ago no brand new phone that had a which i think it was on a phone like 10 years ago when it came up but there was like a setting you could do while you're taking a photo it was like an infrared camera filter that allowed you to technically see through stuff whoa and like they're like it wasn't supposed to do that but see through like what like so like lou from unbox therapy made a video just showing you what you could see through so you could take a picture of an apple tv like the actual physical

box and see through the the black plastic to see the internal components. Whoa. And he did it to a shirt. He put it underneath his shirt, and you could see through a black shirt. Yeah, because it was thin enough for it to kind of- It's just the way that the light works with the infrared and what the camera then picks up. Wow. So you could have a camera under your shirt, and people would have no idea.

And you're walking around like if a dude's wearing a wire wire and he's got a camera strapped to his black shirt. Or you can take a bunch of pictures of people and have girls wearing anything. Oh, my God, you can see right through their clothes. They took it out off the phone now. Why didn't you tell me first? You could probably find it. Well, you make a great point for the Galaxy. I'm definitely up to find it. Well, you make a great point for the Galaxy. I'm definitely up to try it because, I mean, with the iPhones, it's just a constant having to upgrade.

And it's like that one, it seems like it would be good for longer than the iPhone would. No, the iPhones actually last longer. Really? Yeah, they say, and they also, they'll keep updating your iPhone far longer. Like if you buy a Samsung, they're dope phones, but you get like a couple of years out of them and then they stop supporting them. They stop supporting them with updates. So who do you go with? If you're like, I go with this one or you just do both? I do both.

Both. Yeah, I like both. I think there's a real benefit to having competitors. And that's one of the reasons why Apple's been forced to really step up is because these Android phones, particularly like Samsung phones and Huawei phones and all these different phones. But that is funny. They're really stepping up. But there was this lady who was working for Huawei who got in trouble because she was posting photos on Instagram for Huawei products using an iPhone. So they proved that she was using an iPhone to take the pictures and posting them up as Huawei.

That's awesome. Yeah. Wait, she wanted a good picture. See, that's what I was telling you earlier. You want a good picture, you got to do what I do. And then there's Google. Google makes their own phones now, too. They make the Pixels, and they have some of the best cameras ever.

Their cameras are incredible. The Google Pixels cameras were way ahead of the curve, too. There was one of the big selling points about the early Pixel phones was how spectacular their camera was. And how seamlessly the phone communicates with the Android system because it's pure Android. There's no developer software on it or carrier software. It's no Verizon software.

Yeah, it's just straight Google. And the updates go immediately to the Google phones. Whereas like Samsung, when you buy a Samsung phone, if Google updates their operating system, you have to wait a while, maybe even six months for them to kind of update you to the next because they have to code it. They have to get it. But it gets released on the pixels first. Yeah.

So that's probably the best move for a straight Android phone. Then you're giving all your data. All of it. All your data. Here you go. Fork it over. All your data. Where are you. All your data. Here you go. Fork it over. All your data. Where you going, Jesus?

Where do you eat, Jesus? Yeah. What do you look at, Jesus? Everything. What should I sell you, Jesus? Right. Where you been? Where you going?

You know, your flight is at 11 o'clock in the morning. How do you know where I'm going, you fuck? Right. That phone, it's 22 minutes to home if you drive now. The whole thing, right? How do you know where my home is? I didn't even put my home in the fucking phone. It knows where you sleep at night.

You buy a movie ticket, it's like, you better leave now. There's traffic. Oh. Yeah. Well, how about Tom Papa's story about the fucking Apple Watch? His Apple Watch told him he shouldn't have been out while it was during the lockdown. He was sneaking away to record sessions for his audio book,

and his Apple Watch was ratting him out. I don't think you're home, Tom. No way. Tom, you should be at home now. Stay home, stay safe. Really? I didn't get to ask him that, but that could have just been very coincidental because I get an Apple Watch update every day from this particular app.

It just happens at the same exact time, roughly. No, no, no, Jamie. It was alerting him that he was not in his home, and he was supposed to be locked down. It was saying it knows you're outside your home, you fuck. What are you doing? It was a polite way of saying, hey, you're not home. Hey, sign me out.

Done. I'm done. It's ratting me out. It's angry at me. It's giving me advice. Shouldn't you be home? Aren't you a fucking watch? The watch got a cash reward for telling somebody

I'm not looking for advice from my watch Just you tell me what time it is And if I want something, I'm going to go to you Oh yeah, don't they got the watches too? It's time to stand up It's like, oh okay Yes, they do that too You've been sitting for an hour, Bob

Shouldn't you stand up and move around? Okay, I guess I'm stretching now. What do you do if Bob's a lazy fuck and he's working for you? You're like, Bob, you're supposed to be working on this project. Well, my watch says differently. My watch says I need to stretch out. I'll be up here for the next 10 minutes at least. Let me do my job to the best of my ability.

That includes moving. Bob is in HR, so what happened? My watch said I needed to stand up and go for a walk. I've been sitting too long. The watch. That's hysterical. Yeah, how long before it's like a little robot that sits on your shoulders, tells you what to do? Yeah.

Jesus. Right. A little angel. So it's coming on the new iOS 13.5 I updated the other day, and there was a notification that said something about it. It allows your phone to pop up to, like, type in your passcode faster because it'll know if you have a face mask on. This is the first step, they're saying,

because there's going to be some app to notify you. They need a fucking fingerprint reader. Everybody else has a fingerprint reader. Listen, man, it's real simple. Sony has theirs in a brilliant spot. They have theirs where the power button is. You put your finger on there, and as you're pressing it, you just press it, press the power button, and it's a fingerprint reader.

The iPhones have it, but I guess the newer ones, they got rid of it, right? They got rid of it. But the new – Sony has a dope new phone. They have – it's the Xperia something two two one or something like that i forget what the fuck it's called but they just came out with it and they're they have insane cameras yeah their camera game is yeah off the charts yeah because sony has uh history with making the best digital cameras or some of the best digital cameras so they have that along with this screen and the screen is designed for the same aspect ratio as movies.

So it's like it fits perfectly with movies. It's kind of odd. It's like long and thin. It's shaped different. Like the iPhone is designed to be an iPhone, and when you watch a movie, it just fits or it doesn't fit on the screen. Like why are you watching a movie on your phone? What are you doing?

Right, right. Eat that board. But with this. Like with the 4K? With the Sony one. What is are you doing? Eat that board. But with this, with the Sony one, what is this, Jamie? The eyeball thing. Their promo video for it. Oh, take it with Xperia.

The Terminator. It's a dope phone. Yeah, it's the One 2. I don't know why they're a weird name. Very weird name. Try getting your mother to remember that. Ma, give me one of them Xperias. What is he saying? It's the One 2. What is a fucking One 2? My dad's like experience it's the one two what is it fucking one two it's like it's not spanish or english what are you talking about two the two one you got a 21 phone can you say 12 one two what is all this jazz doing ai technology built into it right now this stuff

is starting to get interesting with these cameras and what you can do and the devices and things that recognizes is instantly and what is it doing right there devices and things it recognizes is instantly. And what is it doing right there? Right there, I think it was checking, like, it looked like it was looking at pineapples and whatnot, but there's some new apps right now. Like, if you want to get, for instance, this computer or a new shoe, you can tap in the thing, like, show it to me,

and you can now turn your camera onto this table, and it will show you what it will look like sitting on your table. Wow. You can change the angles and see what this new thing you want to buy will look like in your space. That would be amazing if you were an interior designer and you're trying to set up someone's house, and you'd be like, look, look what we can do here. Bam.

And then they look at their phone. Yeah, it's like, yeah, that's crazy. So they just, is it the same technology for like eyeglasses? You know how you could try on eyeglasses without being in the store now? Yeah, they show you what you look like? Yeah, so it's like you could go, you're literally like this, and you're like,

well, let me see the thick frame ones. It's like, Oh, wow. Yeah, you don't have to go in-store anymore. You can move around a little like a Snapchat filter. Yeah, it's like, and it's already like, I don't know,

it takes measurement, so when you move it, it's like, yeah, it looks fun. Like the same technology, I guess, that you would see with those, when the girls do the things with the puppy dog nose and the ears.

Yeah, same thing, technically. Same shit. This glasses, this glasses. Yeah. The future is going to be very strange, Jesus. Very strange. Very strange. Very strange.

Does it scare you? I'm concerned. Yeah. But I'm always concerned. And something like this pandemic sort of just highlights why I'm concerned. Yeah. But I'm always concerned. Because I'm, look, and something like this pandemic sort of just highlights why I'm concerned. Like, the world is crazy. Fucking, the world is really crazy. Anything can happen out there.

It's very strange. Yeah. You know, I mean, whether it's technology or pandemics or asteroid impacts or just death, just mortality, just getting old and dying yeah the world is really weird you should be concerned because it's all like there's a lot of shit going on that has nothing to do with you that can affect you in an insane way like what happened in minneapolis right right i mean if you were a person who had a building there and all of a sudden your building's on fire because some fucking cop was a piece of shit,

what, you know, what do you do now? No, your, your, your, your whole life got changed overnight by something that had nothing to do

with you. That's, that's the risk we run by being a human in society. It's a risk we run. I mean, and we also benefit from it, but that's also part of the thing. It's like it,

things are happening. Like no one saw this pandemic coming in fucking October of last year. No one thought that this time next year we'd all be sick of being locked down for over two months and everybody would be sick of all this shit and wanting to get back to work and as comics. It would be the first time in our careers. What is the longest time before this that you didn't do stand-up? A while, yeah. I took a longer break because I had to take care of my folks or whatever.

Oh, you did? Yeah. So you've done this already. Yeah, and it doesn't feel good. And you're still holding on for dear life, much like what we're doing now. We're writing. We're like, oh, this is cool. Now there's online shows.

I've tried those, but they could never replace what stand-up is. No. No way. I mean, I guess it's practice. I guess it's practice. But still, it's like we already got a taste of what it's like over there.

Yeah. And we're like, this is cool, but it's Splenda. That's the real sugar over there. Mm-hmm. You know, it's a substitute

that can never replace the real thing. Do you think you'd be more appreciative when you get back to be able to do regular shows? Yeah. I think so too.

And I think it sheds a certain level of, hey, what's up? It's just like, hey, let's get to the real stuff because this is valuable time. The only commodity in life that's worth anything is time. So now it's like, hey, make it count. I feel like I've always had a certain level of urgency in stand-up because I love it and trying to make a buck, I guess, to, you know, provide for my family. But even now with the pandemic and to see how scarce and how fragile life is, it's like this is what I want to do. Yeah.

You know, and it provides it's provided many of the great opportunities of my life to be able to take care of my folks. So that's like it's it's just yeah i i i'm gonna go back and yeah i can't wait to go back it's like i i miss it i want to i want to do a good job yeah um it's also exciting for you too because it's this is a big break right after a set that you put out on showtime so you get a chance to really think about what you want to start talking about next. It's like a rebirth, like a rebuilding, you know? Yeah. Those are dangerous times, but exciting.

Yeah, and it's, you know, that especially is reflective of where I was leading up to it. And, you know, moving forward, I want to show growth. I mean, I don't want to be the same person and stagnant a different style, you know, talk about more real stuff. Or, you know, whatever it about more real stuff or you know whatever it is i just don't want it to be the same where it's predictable yeah i i don't want to do that i want to keep people guessing it's such an exciting fucking occupation such an exciting art form it's so crazy everything i could ever hope for i've you know there's a direct line to it out of stand-up you know and work in the, you know, working the parking lot and parking cars and, you know, going through the system there at the store.

I mean, like, stand-up has given me a lot. I mean, it's my therapy. It's everything. It's like I feel like it sounds cheesy, but it's like the reason I'm alive is because of stand-up. You know, it's provided for me. It's given me an outlet to talk about when things aren't going well i mean what other job could i do that and actually enjoy it and have a fun time with other people having a good time like part of the fun of stand-up is watching other people laugh at your stuff so you're like literally making them feel better

you're you're affecting them and there's part of that that's like when you leave and everybody had a good time they enjoy the show it feels good like all right you guys feel good all right and there's an adrenaline where it's like you can't go to go home and go to bed no way you're up till two three in the morning that's why it was generally uh i haven't written anything in the entire pandemic i haven't really shit no well i was going through all that spotify stuff so it was like that was a little weird. And then the pandemic hits, and I said, I think, because I'm not going to be able to do stand-up, I'm going to just chill. I'm going to take care of my health, work out a lot, eat real good,

make sure that I dot my I's and cross my T's, but also really let this settle in. If I'm going to talk about this in joke form, I want to know what I really think about it. And my thinking of it changed. I was real scared about it in the beginning. And then I'm not really at all anymore. I'm more concerned with people's health. And I think the better message is not to be scared of a disease that kills such a small percentage of the population. I think a better concern is to look at that small percentage of the population, no matter how tragic it is, look at that number and say, how do we decrease that number far further? Can we do it with exercise and diet and nutrition? And the answer is yes, but you don't hear that promoted. You don't hear anything from our politicians about how to get that number lower other than stay away from each other, wear a mask, wash your hands, stay home, stay safe. There's no talk of

making the population healthier overall. The governor should go on television or do a YouTube video or whatever with someone who's like a bona fide nutrition expert, maybe some Rhonda Patrick type character who could sit down with them on TV and goes, these are the strategies that we want to employ as a society to protect ourselves from any kind of disease. And we're going to strengthen our immune system. And here's the stats that we found. Through improving your health and increasing your immune system and just increasing your cardiovascular activity

and making a better diet for yourself, we're going to drop our mortalities by 50% across the board. So 50% of the people that would die if they kept doing what they're doing right now won't die. If someone had some kind of stats like that, I just made that number up, but it's probably accurate, and then got on TV with a government, then that's real leadership. Then you're really showing people something that can help them, not just saying, stay away. We'll tell you when you can get back your freedom. But right now you can't tell people what to do to make them healthier.

If they're going to listen to you about staying home, you don't think they're going to listen to you about drinking water and stop drinking show soda and eating sugar and eating bullshit. You don't think they'd listen to you about that. Right. But they'll listen to, they'll give up their fucking job for you and stay home and let their business go under. it's interesting and i think it's telling of like the western versus eastern way of looking at medicine and health you know it's like eastern medicine it's a very preventative approach to things and here it's more let's attack the problem but now there's a

codependency of medications or you know it's definitely i think this should be both man i really do i think yeah yeah you for sure you should be preventative, but for sure you want the best surgeons, the best virologists, the best people that are making antibiotics. You want people that know how to save lives, but you also want to know how to prevent your body from ever getting into a vulnerable position with things that aren't vulnerable for a lot of people. Like, it's not trying to shame people, like health shame them, but we know for a fact that some people catch this virus and it doesn't do anything to them.

And then other people get devastated by it. How much of that's genetic? How much of that is things that they can control? So many variables. There's a lot of variables, but we have some answers and they should be talking about that. Yeah. And it's like too much of either one extreme is not good. It's like trying to find the equilibrium point of, you know, Eastern and Western, like you said, good surgeons.

But also it's like how do we prevent it? Are we eating what we're supposed to? Like you said, water, exercise. And there's so many things. But I don't know. It's a challenge, you know. It is. But it's also why people don't get good programming from the people around them.

When you say someone's being programmed, it's not always bad. Sometimes someone can program you just by virtue of living with them to develop more discipline because you see it by example. And it makes you want to raise the bar. It makes you want to do good yourself. And a lot of kids are getting programmed the opposite way. They're getting programmed by slothful, lazy parents their families full of shit they're liars and thieves and you're getting processed by that you're eating terrible everybody eats terrible you're drinking beer every night everybody drinks beer every night and you're just in a fucking real bad pattern you

don't know anybody that you can model on like one of the things that we were lucky about with stand-ups is we get to see these other successful stand-ups come in and work out material you get to kind of i see what the landscapes like i kind of get a map of the territory there's a lot of people out there that don't have a map of the territory around them of a successful healthy life they don't know what to do so they've been doing it their shitty way forever because everybody around them does it that way well they're conditioned i i think, you know, the root of a lot of problems. You know, it's like, you know, me, me growing up in East Long Beach, you know, as a kid in the early 90s, it was conditioning. It's like, how does one follow a path of staying, you know,

educating themselves, whether it's going to college or not, not saying that that's the correct way, but it's like, if you're never exposed to anything else and only a certain lifestyle, it's like you become conditioned and, and, you know, this is the end all be all. It's like, no, you have to open your eyes, but you hope that the person has enough, you know, intelligence to like, you know, what's, what's over there, you know, it's like ask questions, you know, but yeah you've got to condition somebody. Conditioning somebody could be bad,

but also conditioning somebody to ask questions. Well, even if someone's not conditioning you, just by providing an example of what's possible, providing inspiration, you can model after that person. You can get a lot of shit done that you wouldn't ordinarily get done. That's one of the beautiful things about the Internet, that you can have these conversations with variants like kevin hart like the other day like yeah people listen to kevin hart talk and you just want to run through a building you listen to

him talk like i'm gonna get shit done like he's he's so motivational he's like he's so he's so first of all he's so successful and not just successful in one realm he's so successful in so many different realms and he's always hust hustling, always moving, always hustling, always moving. He wasn't successful, but he still put stuff in motion and eventually he became successful. And it's, you know, again, when you say the word programming, I listen to that. And it's like, hey, we also have the opportunity to program ourselves. Yes. What are you reading?

Yes. Are you spending time, you know, watching unboxing videos instead of, you know, some documentary or some reading, even an audio book? I mean, my goodness, now we could have any book here. Yeah. So it's like, it's also personal choice. And sometimes it's like, Hey man, you can only help somebody that wants to be helped essentially. You know, it's like, and if you want to be helped, there's resources, there's books. I mean, the L.A. County libraries, there's a plethora of resources. You can get a GED. If you don't have one, you can do it online. You can learn a language.

You can get access to magazines that someone might not afford it. You know, it's like the stuff is there. If you want it, you'll get it. Yeah, it's true. Someone's just got to kind of show you how to do it and show you it can be done or you see someone who is doing it you know there's always like every neighborhood has this one guy who's kind of got his shit together gets up early and goes jogging it's always reading books you know like remember that growing up there was always like a guy who was disciplined you you know when i first kind of like tapped into that was in high school

i went to wilson high school and there was a program that came in, it's called Cameo. And it was, you know, retired women from the city of Long Beach that would come in and kind of mentor students. And you would get an internship job, you know, at the end of that. And I went through the program. It was like 10th grade, 11th grade and senior year. They would do that. And I remember my first internship. Now, they were exposing me to a world that I had no idea. I didn't know how to to a world that I had no idea. I didn't know how to tie a tie. I didn't know you weren't supposed to wear white socks when you wear, like, a suit, you know.

It's like I didn't know none of that. Like, I didn't know where the placement of forks were because that wasn't something I needed to know. What I knew how to do was how to work with my dad. I knew how to fix a lawnmower. I knew how to fix a weed whacker, you know, take it apart. It was a two-stroke motor. Like I knew all of that. But not putting white socks on when I wore a suit, I wore the white socks. And, you know, it's like I'm learning how to tie a tie,

but they exposed me to this other realm of being a professional and reading. It's like I remember they gave me the book of The Seven Habits of being a professional and reading. I, it's like, I remember they, they gave me the book of, um, the seven habits of highly effective people. Yeah. That's a starting point. It's a great starting point. It's a great starting point. But if, if all I'm getting is, is, is my buddy saying, Hey, you know, read this book or, you know, and it's just some leisure book, that does me no good. Sometimes they say that one thing that leisure books do is it familiarizes you with the way people behave and talk when not around you. And the way people think that people behave and talk when not around you.

It gives you a sense of things that are happening that you're not exposed to. They don't have your presence doesn't affect them. So you get to there's something about there's an observing effect that actually enhances your understanding of people by reading fiction this is i'm probably butchering this idea but i think that's the thought behind it is that there is something to fiction that kind of benefits you in a way um that regular non-fiction doesn't necessarily do it. It's another layer of something, another layer of experiences, another layer of information. How do you exercise creativity if you're not reading something that's so outlandish that, you know, wouldn't be real, you know, under, you know, gravity laws that govern this world?

You know, it's a cartoon. Or even just scary shit like Stephen King stuff. Yeah. It changes your ideas of, you know, how you look at the world. It changes, you know. It changes your ideas of how you look at the world. It changes your ideas of creativity, right? Right, yeah. It's a way of exercising it, expanding it, and find parameters that you didn't know existed and beyond that.

I mean, it's like the universe. Creativity is like the universe. It's never ending, ever expanding. When you come up with a joke,'t you ever do you ever get that feeling like where what is this coming from like what where's this idea coming from all of a sudden you have this idea and you start laughing at yourself like ah like where did that come from what is this this thing that gets boiled down into comedy what is that thing like where does a mind go to access or tap into these premises of you know and finding. I don't know. It's like I think the mind has a – we as humans,

I feel like we have a very specific way of recognizing patterns. We're people of patterns. We like to recognize it, and it's almost oddly satisfying. We see something, we're like, oh, okay, wait a minute. I'm onto something because we like the feeling, the endorphins we get when we figure something out. Yeah. So I think where do we come up with this joke?

I think it's a series of neurons firing and recognizing a certain pattern that seems correct. You know, it's almost like rhyming something. It's like, oh, you know, jump up. It's like, oh, okay, okay, I see where this is going and you're creating something. I mean, but in comedy, there's certain things that need to fire off and a certain sequence that feels fulfilling. I don't know. I know what you're saying.

Yeah. Yeah. And there's something fulfilling about watching someone do it too. When someone nails a sequence of words and puts it together with a fat punchline, boom. Nothing better, man. And you're watching in the back going, ah. Oh, it's so exciting. It's like watching someone dance.

Watching someone pull off a pirouette and land on their feet perfect. Watching a back handspring and a tuck just perfectly nailed. There's something about it, man. There's something about a person creating something. Whatever it is, man, whether it's a book or a song or a joke. It feels good, yeah. And I think that it does creativity in itself. It's such a wonderful thing because it yeah and and i think that it does like creativity in itself it's like such a wonderful thing because it keeps like depression and anxiety at bay because it's like there's

something satisfying it's like we're hooked to completing a task we're hooked to you know you know seeing a premise thought out to completion or you know yeah there's all sorts of different kinds of depression but for some people there is definitely depression of being stagnant which is one of the things that scares me the most about this pandemic is mental health, people's mental health, being locked down for all these months. And especially, you know, I had Adam on the other day, Adam Egan. Bro, he ain't going anywhere. He's not around anybody. He doesn't have a girlfriend.

So he's just like stuck in his apartment by himself, getting weird. Water rots when it doesn't move, you know? So you got to give it movement also we're all especially as comics we're all so social we you know we're so like we have such a community there like everybody's so huggy and real friendly there even the ones that say that they're anti social it's like there's still a level of socialness that you need as part of your concoction that you call life yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't buy those people.

I just think they get easily annoyed. I don't buy that they're really anti-social. You have no patience. Yeah, because if you were in solitary, man, you'd be begging for people. No one's really a loner. There's a reason that solitary confinement is a punishment for people. Yes. You know?

Ted Kaczynski was a real loner, but he was a fucking psychopath. Like, you don't want to be that. Like, the idea of just being fine forever by yourself. That just means your time with people is so bad. Loneliness feels better than being around people. The loneliness, the thing that drives us crazy, for them, it's a relief of the pain that's stronger than loneliness that they feel when they're around people they're so right there's a pain that they don't want to project there's like a psychological thing that they don't want to project the loneliness that they have onto somebody but

you know the mind is so clogged up that you know they can't see through that yeah it's difficult yeah it's such a crazy but the comedy store is not i I mean, it's so overwhelmingly friendly. It's great. It's really cool and very welcoming. I mean, the saying that it takes a village to raise a kid. I thought it was an idiot. Does it take a village to raise an idiot? Is that what it is?

Or every idiot has a village. Or a funny idiot. In this case, it takes a whole comedy store to raise a funny idiot. No, you're right. It is a village to raise a kid that is the expression but there's an idiot village idiot expressions well whatever sorry hey it's a marijuana talking yeah you're right it takes a village to raise a kid and the Comedy Store is like a village that raises all of us yeah yeah it's and it's you know I I look at my short you you know, time in comedy, you know, these 13 years and it's been the people that I've met, the people that have given me opportunity, you

know, and, you know, all these things that happened along the way to get to an hour special. This is a dream come true. But it's like, this is not a lone wolf sport. Nobody gets here just, no, I did it. It's like, hey, man, people took chances on you, gave you opportunities, stuck your neck out for you, maybe gave you an opportunity when you weren't ready. And I got a lot of those, you know, along the way and people taking you under their wing. It's like it's a culmination of that. Yeah, and I think it's something that we all enjoy.

We all enjoy watching others come up. We all enjoy working together. The comics that are all very friendly and get along together so well, one of the things that I think we all share is this sense of camaraderie. Everyone's happy when people are doing well. Everyone's happy when someone puts out a new special. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun to watch watch and it's also fun to watch

you know comics give unconditionally like like like like you said happy to see somebody you know do well you you've given opportunity to so many you're you're essentially the new johnny carson this is bro spotify come on they're like johnny carson didn't get a spotify deal like that there was no spotify he would have definitely got it. Well, that's my point. No, I'm playing. But you know what I mean. I know what you're saying.

You've created a platform where you co-sign people, and you do it unconditionally. I think that's very awesome to see. Well, it's a beautiful benefit of this. If there's people that you like that are nice people, you can blow them up. You can help them. Give them a little push. Let everybody else know why you like them. Look, this guy's cool as fuck.

And you're paying it forward. I'm sure people did that for you coming up, coming up in Boston to coming out here in L.A. and doing your thing. Definitely got some good advice from a lot of headliners and shit. All that stuff helps. One of them, Lenny Clark, I'm still friends with to this day. I opened for him the second time I ever got paid. He gave me a bunch of great advice. And that was after Lenny Clark, I'm still friends with to this day. I opened for him like the second time I ever got paid.

He gave me a bunch of great advice. And that was after Lenny was on HBO. And for me, I was like, I can't believe. It was hard to imagine. The goal back then was just to be a professional, just to somehow or another figure out a way to make money from comedy where I didn't need a day job. That was like the ultimate goal.

figure out a way to make money from comedy where I didn't need a day job. That was like the ultimate goal. You know, what do you, did you put any money away before the pandemic? Yeah. I always got into a groove of like trying to save a little bit. It's not much, but it's like, you know, I learned that from my parents, you know, my mom, she comes from a very big family and my mom would say that, you know, because they couldn't afford a lot of food and they had so many kids, that every time they bought rice or beans or whatever it was, my grandmother would take a handful and just put it away.

She's like, we're able to make this. It's like, we never had it. And before you knew it, it's like if some, if, you know, my grandfather did a job for somebody, you know, growing crop and they weren't able to pay him right away. It's like, there was still something to get us by. So it's always like, even when toughs are, a job for somebody of you know um growing crop and they weren't able to pay him right away is like

there was still something to get us by so it's always like even when toughs are when times are tough that that that little fistful of of grain will will do you well in the future i bet there'll be a lot more of that from everybody now in terms of like don't live outside of your means yeah man keep it keep it more conservative be more careful with what you spend your money on because, you know, all that stuff could come fucking, I mean, it's way better to have a storage of money and food where you could last a few months. Yeah.

And that's what people are finding out now. And again, yeah, it's like I found that out, the saving part, because it's like, you know, I got two parents. I provide for my folks, so it's like, it's's not me it's not a very much just worrying about me i gotta worry about you know my kids essentially yeah no well isn't that's beautiful that you do that too man and it gives you an extra sense of purpose you know you can't be lazy man you have other people to count on you no no my dad looking at me he's like what are you doing he's sleeping it's eight

o'clock it's eight a.m you're still sleeping he's like no i'm i'm up early you know i was like i'm a i go to bed late and i'm up early i run on very little sleep so yeah that's beautiful it's when you have that sense and you can't be don't you think that's like the number one thing that fucks comics over is being lazy one of them it's it's definitely an element of it it stems there and it grows into something else and you know we're all guilty of it there's moments of them. It's definitely an element of it. It stems there and it grows into something else. And, you know, we're all guilty of it. There's moments of, you know, you almost have to allow yourself to be lazy at times just to know what it's like, you know. Well, there's a real argument for creativity being stirred on by boredom.

It's like we never allow ourselves to be bored because we're always like checking our phone and that stuff. I always like trick myself into, well, I'm gonna just gonna go look through my Google News feed And I'll probably find something really incredible to talk about but most of the time I'm just staring at bullshit most of the time right, you know, but when you put that fucker away and just bored That's when you start thinking about shit when you just bored Yeah, sometimes like when you're doing other things like when you're commuting I used to come up with some of my best jokes in my early stand up years not listening to the radio

I used to drive around and when I was driving around with no radio no nothing just driving I would have some of my best ideas because if I'm listening to fucking Paradise by the Dashboard Light ain't no doubt about it we would double the blast I'm thinking about that I'm not thinking about jokes

my mind is occupied with jokes. My mind is occupied with the song. My mind is occupied with the podcast I'm listening to or whatever, but when you're just driving, just doing something, sometimes little magical ideas are popping in your head. Yeah.

Even sitting under a tree and the wind's blowing and you're just looking at the leaves. Now cops will come over. What the fuck are you doing, man? Staring at little girls? Yeah, shaved head, just sitting there. What are you doing? Oh, man, I'm just thinking about, like, what do you think of this premise?

A man behind your back. It's like, dang it. Yeah, if you were just sitting there watching people play in the field, somebody would probably come over and, you all right, man? Can I help you with something? Yeah. Just watching. just watching people. Yeah, even running,

like running for a while was a big thing for me where I could just clear my mind and I'd have the worst pace ever of running, you know, but... Just doing something. Yeah, because the body was moving so the blood's rushing, you know,

so it's circulating. It's almost like a, you know, like a neon light, you know. Sometimes when a neon light doesn't work, you have to move it around so the thing can rushing, you know, so it's circulating. It's almost like a neon light. You know, sometimes when a neon light doesn't work, you have to move it around so the thing can move and circulate. Yeah, I know. And that's when I would think of stuff. A lot of comics, or a lot of writers, I'm sorry, would write and then go for a walk

and then listen to their notes while they were walking. Yeah, listen to a set too because it's easier to tag somebody than to think in the moment, so you're tagging yourself. Yes. I found that to help me so much. So much, dude. So much. There's no pressure in me just sitting at a coffee shop, you know,

staring at my iced coffee, seeing the ice cubes melt, and listening to myself. I'm like, oh, oh, you should have said this. You know, you write that. Yeah. So that WeWork place, like, what is that like? Is that like a bunch of cubicles? There's like a common area, you know,

and then they have like you can pay like a bunch of money for like the little cubicles that you like open and close and, you know, you leave your stuff there. But if you just pay for like the common area, it's like it's basically a Starbucks where you're not required to buy coffee. And there's a lot of outlets. I'm not going to fight some guy for an outlet. Right. You know, he's charging his phone all day. He's like, hey man, I got one I'm plugging my laptop. He's like, no. That's happened. Yeah,

that definitely happens. Starbucks gets minimized. They don't have a lot. You can't charge your laptop on those wireless ports either. No, you cannot. You can put your phone on those. I waited a long time until I... You go there and they have these meeting rooms.

So it's like your pass allows you to get these meeting rooms. How much does it cost to use one of those places? Like 200 bucks. For how long? What do you mean? Like a month. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, some of them go up to like 300, but it's like the whole month. I thought like 200 bucks for a day. Like that's crazy. No, no, no. That seems like a lot of money. Yeah, like two something. But it's like, you know, I thought like $200 for a day. Like, that's crazy. No, no, no. That seems like a lot of money. Yeah, like two something. But it's like, you know, you get coffee there.

They have coffee? Yeah, free coffee or beer, some of them. Beer? You're getting drunk? Oh, man. We work? I don't know. It's a good place for me to go work,

and I'm not being stared at by the barista who's like, hey, are you going to buy coffee or not? Right. I know that's the coffee cup you bought last week. I'm like being stared at by the barista who's like, hey, are you going to buy coffee or not? Right. I know that's the coffee cup you bought last week. I'm like, dang it. Some people really do enjoy working around groups of people, too. They feel like they get charged up. Do you do that?

Yes. And that's why I will, like, I don't ever see myself living in the countryside. I need to be around people. I get energized. For me, it's like, you know know looking at people walk by just people watching it's it's it's meditative you know just watch new york if i could i could i would pick up and go there and live i just love the busyness even now with the covid it's probably cheaper the way i look at it dude i like how you think i like how you think i'll take one of those bird masks with

me yeah all right well jesus uh tomorrow, the day this comes out, it'll actually be tonight, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. Stay home, son. Is that what it's called? Stay at home, son. Stay at home, son. Stay at home, son. On Showtime.

Thank you, my brother. Congratulations. Thank you so much. This means a lot. Thank you so much. Thank you, man. Thank you, Joe. My pleasure.

Ooh, we just touched. Did you see that? We're crazy. Hand sanitizer. Love you, buddy. Bye. Thanks. Thank you.

Yay.