The Joe Rogan Experience - #1491 - Bill Burr

Episode Date: June 12, 2020

Bill Burr is a standup comedian and also hosts his own podcast called “The Monday Morning Podcast”. Look for him in the new film "The King of Staten Island" available for streaming everywhere, and also on the 4th season of his show "F Is for Family" streaming only on Netflix, both available on June 12.

Hello, family man. Hello, sir. Good to see you, brother. Good to see you, too. We were just talking about, like, you have two kids now. You have a real family. You got to get an SUV. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we had something. But just once you get the two car seats in the back and then, you know, with all the shit for the kids and then all the shit your wife has, all of a sudden it's just like, oh, I now understand. Remember the Suburban? Yeah. Which was a long, it's just like, oh, I now understand. Remember the Suburban? Yeah. Which was a long blazer? And you look at that thing like, who the fuck needs all of that unless you're homeless and that's where you live? But then you're like, oh, I get it. I get it.

If you have three, four kids, yeah, you definitely need one. You definitely need one. They always bring a bunch of shit with them, too. They want to bring stuff. Oh, yeah. You have to have room for a toy or this or that. Those Tesla ones you were talking about, those are great. The X with the crazy doors. Yeah, the Lambo doors. Yeah, those have to have room for a toy or this or that. Those Tesla ones you were talking about, those are great. The X with the crazy doors.

Yeah, the Lambo doors. Yeah, those are dope. Have you ever seen them dance? No. Tiffany Haddish had one. She was in the back of the comedy store. I heard that. And she set it to dance and she puts music on it and the wings start going up and the

car starts turning left and right. It's actually pretty badass. It's fun. She's one of the most fun people I've ever hung out with. She's very fun. I wish I was there for that. She had the COVID.

She had it. She got it over. She kicked it. I'm surprised more comics didn't get it the way we're shaking hands and meeting people after shows. Yeah. I got tested.

My wife had the kids. We had to get tested. You're clean? Yeah. Big Jay Oak I got tested. My wife had the kids. We had to get tested. So I was, I saw my. Yeah. Big Jay Oakerson got it. He had it. And he's clean. It feels weird to be talking about people that have it.

Yeah. I know a lot of people that got it. Yeah. I know about nine. You're like naming names like Joe McCarthy over there. Oh, they're fine now. Well, I like people who've had it now because they have the antibodies. They think they can, like, walk on fire. It's like, dude, this thing is a brand new thing.

I don't know if you want to be testing. You know, I got a buddy of mine ended up getting it, and then he was just like, oh, I got tested. I got the antibodies. So now I think he feels like he's bulletproof. They don't even know if you can catch it again. They really have no idea. Well, people are going to find out.

Yeah, we're going to find out. out yeah because when i was driving over here i actually got into a moderate level of traffic on the highway like i've noticed that's just at some point i mean considering people are just kind of doing what they want to do and a lot of people were after two weeks everyone just sort of depending on where your ego was like you know go fuck tell me this is all a fucking something i'm gonna go outside those people they just kept it going so now i just feel like well you can't have 60 of the population go broke because less than one percent has something yeah so i don't know i think we're just gonna just go back i think we're just gonna go back and if you get it you get it and if you die you die and die. And if you don't, you don't.

And then eventually they're going to get something that'll slow it down or stop it or something like that. Here's what slows it down. Your fucking immune system. They don't tell you a goddamn thing about that. They don't tell you how to take care of your immune system. There's no word about that. Put a mask on. Wash your hands. No one's telling you sleep

more, drink water, take vitamins. There's none of that yeah and I know this one guy who brought up vitamin D on his big podcast and then you couldn't

find it anymore dude you're like fucking Oprah when she attacked the meat industry I just saw a clip oh this guy on Rogan of course I didn't

even research who the guy was it was just like take vitamin D a woman how much I pay attention and then I go to a fucking health food store

it's all gone and there was something that was bootleg vitamin D was like vitamin D plus I'm like what is that? What is that? I know that that's probably

going to make me catch it so I just take vitamin C and I try to get eight hours sleep and I've been I've been doing a pretty good job of I'm pretty antisocial

like a lot of comics so I haven't had a problem keeping away from everybody? Yeah my wife I quarantine in my house it my way for you? I quarantine in my house like my wife said you guys sit down and have dinner with us I'm always over in the corner if I'm alone no one

can hurt me just leftover childhood shit just coming from a family of loners so do you feel weird not doing stand up? what has that been like? I did not miss it at all and but i think that whenever there's something like painful in my life i think that that's what i do is i just go i don't care i don't give a fuck it's all i really learned a lot more about myself during this quiet time of not running around and going to airports and kind of

sitting with myself and being like wow i thought i was way further down the road working on myself than i was but i have a lot of fucking childhood issues left over i got a lot i was like wow like i really started like all these puzzle pieces just started coming in and i was able to look all the way back where i was to where where i am now and how I got here and these little fucking things that happened to me you know good things and bad that just sort of just knocked me down this road that I'm on it was just sitting alone with alone time yeah well you know my wife was going through you know the third trimester you know when you know when they're just over it and you're like oh god there's six's six weeks to go. I mean, no, he's like, oh no. Um, you know, I finally,

you know, get my daughter to bed, get her to bed. Everything was good. Made sure all the doors were locked. And then I was just sort of like, why, you know, all these years of doing standup, I'm just up at that hour. Right. So I was just sort of sort of you know sitting kind of by myself like i i i don't know i haven't been watching tv like the news you just brought up three things you see it's going on seattle with the fucking fcc whatever it says i don't know i don't even know what it is what is tifa antifa they call themselves anti-fascists and they're they wear masks and they carry sticks and helmets and shit. And intimidate people?

Exactly. To stop fascism. They use fascism to stop fascism. And they blocked off, I think, six blocks of Seattle, and they declared it a police-free zone. This is occupied by the people of Seattle, and you can't use money in that police-free zone. You know, Joe, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's not going to end well.

It's not going to end well at all. The only thing that's going to keep it from ending badly is that Seattle is kind of a fucked up city. They tolerate a lot of homelessness. Seattle's got a lot of weird laws. Like, it's a, I forget the way it's described. I think it's a mutual combat state. That's what it's described.

So, like, if you're in front of a cop, say if I'm a cop, and you and Jamie decide to duke it out, you can just just say you want to fight motherfucker and you'll go yeah i want to fight and the cops will let you fight because it's some wild west mining shit from like the fucking 1600s settle it like men the books yeah no lawsuits i like it you can duke it out in the middle of the street it's very dangerous though people getting knocked out on the street is fucking terrifying because they fall and they hit their head and they go unconscious. And there's no refs to stop those last nine hammer fists. Well, I think the cops are supposed to do that.

The cops are supposed to act as a referee, too. There's videos of guys getting into street fights in Seattle and cops just standing around watching. Yeah, it's real weird. I don't have a problem. If two people are willing to do it and they know the risks, you know if you get hit, you're going to fall and crack your head on the back of the curb there. I mean- A lot of them are drunk, though.

They don't know the risks. There was one of them. This is this kid. I think his last name is Fodor. I think Carlos Fodor. He was an MMA fighter, and he would dress up like a superhero. See if you can find out. Do you remember his name?

Anyway, he actually knew how to fight, and he was dressed like a superhero. So he's kind of baiting people to fuck with him. And he's walking down the street, and these guys fuck with him. That's hilarious. They decide to go at it, and then he's bouncing around like a real pro fighter and starts slamming leg kicks in on this guy. You see this guy's face like, oh, my God, what the fuck have I signed up for? He's just some drunk asshole and some dude dressed like a superhero.

Well, I don't have any sympathy for those people. I think he called himself Phoenix Jones. If I saw a guy walking around dressed like a superhero, I'd be like, that guy's out of his fucking mind. And I would give him a wide berth. Hoping he was on his way to his place of solitude, whatever. Maybe he's on his way home to his ice house. He's on his way to the Batcave or some cosplay convention. But if I was younger, yeah, I might have, you know, if I was standing in a crowd, yeah,

I probably would have done some fucking punk shit like that. Couple of whiskeys in you. Oh, yeah. Get my fucking orange wig slapped off. Yeah, probably. So Seattle is run by a warlord. One fucking dude, apparently, according to my friend, who's a SEAL, was running this entire seven block or six block area of Seattle.

They spray painted all the windows on this. Yeah, you know. Okay. Talk to me in three days. It's been going on a lot longer than that. It'll be fine. You think so? Yes. When is this going to happen? Do you think this war loads? What, he's going to have ten blocks

and then eleven and then he's going to take over all of Washington? I mean, he's going to run out of men. They have guns. Okay. That's the problem. The problem is they're openly carrying rifles inside this six block thing. I know, but they need to eat, okay? And then no supplies are going to get in that seven blocks.

They're just going to wait them out. Or they're going to come in with superior firepower. It's not going to end well, Joe. I don't think it's going to end well. I don't know how it's going to end. All right. Let's guess the scenario. Okay.

All right. How many bodies? What's the over-under? It makes four people die. How many are there? How many of them are there? Thousands, I think. Thousands, and you're only going with four.

That's a good number. That's like a Vegas number where you're like, fuck. They always pick the perfect, do I go over or do I go under this? The price is right. I don't know how many fucking people are in there, but the photos that I saw, the place is packed, filled with people like they're just getting out of a Chappelle show. Look at this.

These are the people. They took City Hall. Oh, they took City Hall. They own City Hall now? Oh, now most of them are white, so I don't see the staying power of this. Wait a minute. What did you just say? They opened the door for them?

Yeah. They gave them City Hall. So this is City Hall they're walking into right now? Yeah, this is, yeah. Well, this is going to be funny now when they get in and they don't know what to do. Let me hear some volume on this, Jamie. I want to hear what the fuck they're yelling. Jamie Durkin's got to go, hey, hey!

Go home! Jamie Durkin's got to go, hey, hey! Something about Jamie Masada. Jamie's got to go? Yeah. The Laugh Factory in Long Beach got looted last night. Oh, God. I can't imagine how many puppets they took.

Is there puppets in the Laugh Factory in Long Beach? There's these giant creepy fucking mannequins. That place is... I love that place. I love performing there. But some of Jamie's decor... One of my favorite things to do in this business is shit on Jamie Masada. He knows I love him place I love performing there but some of Jamie's decor one of my favorite things to do in this business

is shit on Jamie Masada he knows I love him Buddy Bill Burr Black Lives Matter Buddy don't burn down my club yes please Buddy this business has always

been weird like that there's always been people no that's why you're the king dude because you got outside of it but you're totally in it and they can't they can't get you they can't get you I you know I'm piling up some stories here being in the matrix i won't get into

them but it's the same it's just the same old corporations only know how to do business one fucking way and it's just they push their advantage they push their advantage they have their leverage and they want the biggest slice of the pie. That's what they do. I don't have a problem with that. It's when they go beyond that, and they just straight up steal. Are they stealing from you right now? Everybody does.

Anytime you get in business with corporate guys, this is how it works. It's like the check. Okay, we're in business to make money from them, and then you get in business with them, and then the check goes to the corporate guy, and then you get your cut off of his checkbook. And then the check goes to the corporate guy, and then you get your cut off of his checkbook. So right there, I am immediately in a situation where there's no way I can steal from him, but he can rob me fucking blind. Right. And he can add a bunch of expenses on the things that— Front-end load expenses to make it look like they're losing money.

That's Hollywood accounting. No, it's stealing. It's stealing is what it is. They just call it Hollywood accounting. But it's not Hollywood accounting. It's corporate accounting. It's stealing is what it is. They just call it Hollywood accounting. But it's not Hollywood accounting. It's corporate accounting. It's scumbag accounting. That's just, and it's how they do it.

And they sleep at night and then they always have, oh, that's over in the accounting section of the building. Not over here where me and my yacht are. I'm like artist friendly. You know, I majored in fucking liberal arts in college. Well, what was really interesting when podcasts started to take off, they started to try to get in with the old model and weasel into podcasts and buy pieces of podcasts. And like if you come on my network. Your deal is going to, if you think the fucking industry is going to sit back

when they didn't get to wet their beak on that thing, I'm going to tell every young comic when we get back to this shit is what they're going to do now is what the music industry did, where they started signing straight across the board deals. They're going to get some young kid who's got no power in the business. And it's just like, you know, we'll help you create a podcast. You know, we're signed with so-and-so, blah, blah. And what they're going to do is they're going to own the podcast. The advertising money is going to go to them and they're going to rob them fucking blind. They're going to do is they're going to own the podcast, the advertising money is going to go to them, and they're going to rob them fucking blind. 100%.

They're going to 100%, 100% going to fucking steal from them, rob them fucking blind, and then when they get audited and they get caught stealing, they're going to label that kid, that young comic, difficult to work with, meaning difficult to steal from. It's already happening. Yeah. I know guys who, young guys, I won't name any names, but they've come up to me and go,

hey, I'm signed to this management company. They want to sign me. But they want a piece of my podcast. No. They want a piece of this. And they want it in perpetuity. There's no reason. Yeah.

You got to tell people that, dude. Oh, I tell them. You got to tell people. Do not. Don't give up anything. Don't give up anything. Don't ever. It it's all you because they're not going to do anything for you they think what they're going to do is move the ball quicker that first fucking two years and then the rest is all going to be you if you just hang in there and struggle a little bit like

you gotta grind you're just gonna hang in there and keep going i mean i got a lot of offers to buy half of the podcast or to buy p and i nothing i wouldn't i won't i won't do it i'll never do it but then spotify came along and they said we'll give you a licensing deal so just put it on our network for three months but you still own it right i'm like all right we're in and that's that's why we did it that way but this this comic that i won't name he was telling me that is this management company they wanted to sign him they wanted to own a piece of his podcast forever. And I'm like, that is fucking crazy. And what that eventually will become, yeah, because what they're going to look at it is

they're going to make it like, if you started a podcast while you were with this manager or while you were with this agent, it'll be like back in the day when you booked a sitcom. Exactly. And then if you left the agency or the manager throughout the lifetime of that sitcom, you owed the commission to them. Exactly. But back then, you needed them to do that. You don't need them for the podcast, but they throughout the lifetime of that sitcom you owed the commission to them exactly but back then that you needed them to do that you don't need them for the podcast but they're going to do that so then you're going to leave this manager and then for the rest of your

fucking life you're going to be paying this never-ending alimony yeah i mean they'll be guys eventually they'll try to take 50 60 i own your podcast uh-huh managers will start agents will start podcast networks because there's nobody regulating them to not do that anymore. I got an offer just five years ago from a company that was a radio company that wanted 50% of the podcast. They were going to give me no money. They wanted 50% of the podcast just to be associated with them. And they're like, we're going to pool together all these advertisers and it's going to help your revenue. No.

50%. No. But that's the same model. And they never deliver with what they say they're going to help your revenue. No. 50%. No. And they never deliver with what they say they're going to. They can't. They come in and they just gut the thing. Well, the beautiful thing about podcasts is podcasts all get big on word of mouth. Like, I've never advertised this podcast. I never did anything with it.

I never bought billboards or put ads up anywhere. It's just from word of mouth. And the way other podcasts grow is people get on people's podcasts and they say, hey, you listen to Bill Burr's podcast, Monday Morning Podcast, fucking hilarious.

And then it just grows from people promoting. But I think it's the job of people making money in podcasting is to let new podcasters know do not sign those deals ever. Do not let the fox into the hen house because they are going to

fucking rob you blind. And you don't need them. And I saw this documentary one time on this heavy metal band Anvil, right? This crazy thing about this band that just was around forever and never quite made it. And there was a, I think it was, I think it was that one. It's one of those ones about an old like metal band from the 80s. And this guy said like the truest shit ever when he was talking about the music business. And this goes straight across podcasts and everything.

He goes, you're better to own something 100% and only sell 20,000 copies than you are to not own it at all and sell 20 million. Like you're literally going to make more if you just sell 20. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, no. And then another thing that they do is then all the people that that they lose on they dump that on you yes yes like i remember one time i forget what i i was uh with this network and i had a cd that was already made i already made it and i just wanted them to put it out on their label and they and they wanted to own the cd and i was like no i'm I'm not, no, I don't want you to own it.

I just need you to, like, distribute it. I need you as a distributor. And the guy said to me, he goes, well, you know, ownership shouldn't be that big a deal for you. It should be about exposure. I said, all right, well, let me ask you this. If ownership shouldn't be that big a deal to me, why is it such a big deal to you? And he started, like, stammering. And then he basically said well you know we get

in business with something he named a couple other comics whose cds didn't sell and we have to recoup those losses it's like that ain't my fault that's hilarious i could have told you not to sign that fucking jerk off what is your it's not my fault you didn't do the fucking work so that's the way i had another one one time i signed with this is back back when I made CDs, and I did one, and I had a 60-40. I was getting 60, and they were getting 40. But their 40 was off the gross. Mine was off the net. And all expenses for the album was on me.

It's like I thought we were doing this together. Every fucking thing, the artwork, printing it, all of that, all of those expenses came to me. And in the end, that 60 40 60 uh net 40 gross they made way more money than i did it's just how they you're like oh okay well i'm getting six dollars on every 10 yeah plus the but anything it's just hilarious that they would come up to you and tell you that we did some deals with some other comics dude i get in business one time to make this tv show and the fucking guys sends guy sends the bill for the whole fucking thing? I shouldn't be saying that, but this is a while ago, right?

The guy was going to bill us $2,500 a month to use his copier machine and another, I don't know, $4,500 to use his editing. It's like, dude, we have both of those things. We don't need those. Let's take that money and put it on the screen. We're trying to get this thing to go. And the guy, like, oh, it's the screen we're trying to get this thing to go and and the guy like he oh it's the funniest shit ever he goes like i'm insulted by those questions or something like that which is my favorite thing ever the the the offend like the uh what is the like the i don't

know you're a fucking thief and you actually have the audacity to be like taken aback like like fanning yourself like i can't believe you're such a it's like how many fucking shows are you charging $2,500 a month to go you know fucking use your copy machine yeah

that's a lot of money that's rent for a nice apartment no fucking thieves fucking copy machine how much does it cost to use that copy machine really

first of all the copy machine probably doesn't even cost $2,500 he's probably renting it yeah probably rents it for a couple hundred bucks a fucking month but even to buy a copy machine really. First of all, the copy machine probably doesn't even cost $2,500. He's probably renting it. Yeah. Probably rents it for a couple hundred bucks

a fucking month. But even to buy a copy machine. He probably has nine shows paying $2,500 a month for him to go, that's it. If you have like a really big one,

one of those commercial grade copy machines, what does it cost? $10,000? How much could it cost? I mean, I think he's bought a couple of houses

off of owning that copy machine. And I just love telling these fucking stories because these are the things could it cost? I mean, I think he's bought a couple of houses off of owning that copier machine and I just love telling these fucking stories because these are the things that you, like,

what's great about podcasting is you can say this, this is for every person out there who has a fucking business and, you know, there's that thing

where you want to take it to the next level and then these guys come in and then they're all just like, yeah, well, hey, we're going to take a piece of it and they take a big fucking chunk out of it and what they do is their risk

is all the way down here yours is up here and then somehow they just i'm telling you like you're better you're better to sell 20 000 copies own it 100 than 20 million and not own any of it because you're gonna make more money that's just how the game is played. And those fucking guys who steal from people, they sleep very comfortably. But it's also just podcasts, just the stress of dealing with other people is eliminated. Just the stress of dealing with production people. It slows it down.

It slows it down. It slows it down. It's awful. Yeah. I mean, the only thing Spotify has ever done so far is ask, do you know who the first guest will be? And already I'm like, ugh. Like, they're going to be who they're going to be.

You know, they're going to be great. I'm going to try to get my best friends, the funniest people. That's them justifying their desk. Like, I can't just sit here like, Joe knows what he's doing. Any idea? So, I'd like to start an email chain and we could maybe circle back later and have a conference call.

And they're just trying to fill up there. Yeah, they're just having to use time. But the Spotify people have been great. They literally said, we don't want to do anything. We want you to just do what you're doing. Just do what you're doing. But even asking me who the guest is going to be, I was like, oh, no. Please let this be the only question.

Yeah. I'm never available. And that's nothing, though. That's be. I was like, oh no. Please let this be the only question. Yeah. I'm never available. And that's nothing though. That's nothing. I mean, they're great. But could you imagine if you were doing that with a network? Like imagine if you were in business with ABC or something like that and they were helping produce your podcast. You'd have to go in for meetings. You'd have to go in and sign into

the office. Bill, will you sign in here? You'd go and sit down and waste your fucking afternoon having some dopey conversation. You kind of complain a lot when you read these letters bill um do you have to when people are signing the emails maybe you should be can we get a reread on the blah blah um what do you think how do you feel about product placement because we've got a got a great deal with coca-cola look all i just wanted to i just wanted to tell a few of those for younger people out there because because we've got a great deal of Coca-Cola. Look, I just wanted to tell a few of those for younger people out there

because it actually really bothers me that people do that to people. Yes, it should. It really bothers me, and I love comics, and I love seeing new comics coming up that have talent, and I hate seeing them get fucked over. So hopefully people listen and they do it, but they're fucking worms, man.

They're fucking worms. There's a lot of worms out there, and there's a lot of worms that try to grab comics that are talented but real raw, and they try to lock you up to some enormous lifetime management deal. And when you take off and you have something... Dude, I remember back in the day

when companies were shooting specials before comics started shooting them, you take off and you have something say if you're dude i remember back in the day when everyone when companies were like shooting specials before comics started shooting them and the amount of guys that got that yeah we only got enough money for to shoot one you know to only you can only shoot it one time but you're gonna crush it man you got this hour down we only got enough in the budget and then they'd show up early and they'd be shooting another comic special off their money the deal to double them as a management company what they would get or an agency the amount of fucking times that that happened with the same audience oh i mean yeah yeah oh you want to hear the best one i ever heard jim brewer was filming a special sold out this theater and the the people that

were filming the special told him that the money for the ticket sales was theirs because it was all about the production because the money that people are paying for the production he's like the fuck are you talking about this is my audience like that's my money his management tried to steal the money from ticket sales and say that it went towards production went all the way to court with it his manager's on the way to court from ticket sales and say that it went towards production. Went all the way to court with it. His manager's on the way to court, has a fucking panic attack, goes to the hospital. Like, the whole thing's a nightmare.

I think Jim won. Yeah, of course he won. Yeah, he won. Well, it's thievery. It's thievery. Like, these are tick... People are paying to see Jim Brewer. I have a million of those fucking stores but this is the thing this is what kills me about a lot of this this rhetoric that's going on out

there which i agree with 90 of it but if you if you agree with 100 of it like you and i are not supposed to be having stories like this we're supposed to be the ones doing it and it's just like you have to like as far as the uh the whole you know oh you're a white male heterosexual you know doors just fly open and people like hey what are your dream they like i'm not saying and i'm not obviously not bitching but i'm just saying that like like people will fuck you it's all about money they don't they don't give a fuck, and they all, those people that do that shit really, yeah. Well, there's a long history of Hollywood accounting. There's a long history of that. I mean, there's been so many stories about people who made killer hit movies and never got paid

because Hollywood's like, look, you know, we had this much had to go to advertising, and this is the production. Look how bad Elvis got fucked. Oh, yeah. Elvis got fucked so bad. And then one of the main ways he got fucked on the road, he only did one out-of-the-country date. I believe he did Toronto. And he never traveled the world because his manager had something going on with his visa,

and he was worried if he left, he wouldn't be able to come back. So that kind of, like, fucked him out of a ton of fucking money and seeing the world or whatever the fuck he might have wanted to do. Keep doing these movies, Elvis. You don't want to go on the road. That is hilarious. Well, the best version of breaking down how corrupt the music business is was by Courtney Love. They said she had a ghostwriter. I don't know, but she did.

It's a great article that she wrote documenting exactly how much you get paid versus how much money gets generated and where it all goes and how they fuck you. Yeah. No, it's- They've always done it that way. I mean, that's always the way they've done it. That's the answer. They take these young people- That's the answer to it as well.

I mean, that's how it's done. That's how we do it. So whatever. I don't want to fucking sit here bitching the whole time. Hey, are you smoking cigars? Are you done? I quit, but I smoke like one or two a month. Oh, God damn it, Joe.

Oh, I got these from Mike Binder. They're good, too. What? Yes. Oh, look at that. Well, I guess I didn't quit today, did I? Come on, Billy. Fun times.

Are we doing this? Yes, let's do it. All right. Come on, we got to celebrate. You're a kid. You have to. There you go. It's my birthday yesterday, too.

Oh, that's right. Happy birthday. Thank you. You're 38 again. 52, brother. Holy shit, that's me, too. 52 pickup. Isn't that a weird number?

Like you say it, it doesn't seem real. Well, I think in your 50s, nothing matters until the odometer flips to 60. And then you're just like, fuck. Yeah, I know. 60. Guys in their 60s that fucking hang in there. Yeah, sorry. Guys in their 60s that hang in there.

Is this the Ted Nugent one? Look at this with the fucking. That's a serious one. Yeah. That's from Benchmade Knives. It's an awesome knife company. They gave me a good cigar cutter. You sound like Bill Murray in fucking What About Bob,

which I just watched the other day, you know, when he's eating the food. Great fucking movie. That's a perfect movie. When he's fucking eating. We did a family movie night. Basically every day of the pandemic. It was... First couple of months.

Basically every night we watched a new movie. Watched every single Adam Sandler movie. Watched Groundhog Day again. I forgot how good Groundhog Day was. These are delicious. Shout out to Mike Binder. Yeah, they're very good. Anyway.

But podcasting is fun. Yes. Look, it's a great business. I mean, I started off because I was kind of depressed because I had to move back here from Colorado. I thought I had escaped. I thought I was gone. I was like, I'm out.

Fuck LA. I can't take this crowds and everything. I want peace and I want the wilderness. I live in the mountains. I remember that. And then you had to have a Glock when you went out to go get your mail so you didn't get eaten by a fucking bobcat or something. Mile and line.

Mile and line, yeah. Yeah, I saw one in the yard. That could be an issue. I know. That's basically a middleweight tiger. It's a welterweight. Welterweight, yeah, 150 pounds. 147.

Welterweight tiger. Welterweight boxing, at least. Welterweight MMA isterweight boxing at least welterweight MMA is 170 yeah yeah it's a weird animal to see in the woods too

because you know if that thing runs at you like you literally have no chance they're scared of you though they don't want nothing to do with you for the most part

if they if they're really hungry and really old they'll fuck you up that's why I I try to tell you know my wife

whenever you're outside i'm like mama bear is next to the cub always always i go there's coyotes and they're getting bold because everyone was inside yeah and they come down every night looking for a little dog or a little fucking cat you hear that shit going down in the hills everyone be like you know once two ice we should just hear which is basically the dog like what the fuck is that you know, once two white suites, you're just here. Which is basically the dog like, what the fuck is that? You know? Fucking brutal. Yeah, it's gross.

It's scary. Because a little cleanup crew goes around and catches animals slipping in the backyard. Yeah. I don't understand people let little dogs out. Because those fucking coyotes, they'll figure out a way in. Oh, yeah. Well, they're very smart. They, you know, they have to survive. They figure out a way in. Oh, yeah. Well, they're very smart. They have to survive.

They figure out a way. Yeah. Little creepy fucks. Yeah, they are little creepy fucks. They're everywhere. In every city. Can I promote this movie? Yeah, F is for Family, too.

F is for Family, season four. It's coming out tomorrow. Tomorrow, I got two big things coming out, and then that's it. I'm dried up. Because everybody in interviews are, what's next for you after these two things? That's it. It's the pandemic. Are in interviews are, what's next for you after these two things? It's a, it's it. It's,

it's the pandemic. I'm going to start going on the road at all. Clubs are opening up. Yeah. I'm going to see how you guys do. You know, who comes back with a cough. I let you guys walk towards the atom bomb that they just,

I mean, I got a little one at home, so I'm, I think I'm going to chill until like September, unless it's just wide open by chill. I mean, if, if things go well, I'm going to chill until like September, unless it's just wide open. By chill, I mean if things go well, I'm going to try to do some shows at the Troubadour because I know that they're hurting and that's one of my favorite venues. All these bands that I love have played there.

The Troubadour on Santa Monica? Yeah. So they're in a bad way because of this. So I'm going to try to do a little run of shows down there. Are they available? You can do that? Not available yet, but when they are available, I'm going to try to do like a three-night thing down there, work for free, get the rust off, have people pay for tickets, buy a bunch

of booze and some Troubadour t-shirts, and keep that place going, man. Oh, that's great. Yeah. I'll do that. Yeah, well, shit. I'll do that, too. Let's do it. I'll do it.

Yeah. That sounds like fun. Yeah. I went there twice this year. I saw Everlast there and i saw sturgill simpson yeah and steve steve martin opened for richard pryor there wow i read this great steve martin article where he was talking about uh opening for him there so it also has like some comedy history there well when i was there i was saying this is a perfect venue for comedy. It's like 500 seats. It's awesome. It's got a balcony. It could be a great place for standup.

Yeah. The store needs help too. Everybody needs help. Improv needs help. Well, I know the store, once they can open up, I know they're going to be fine. So,

because I'm going to be down there all the time anyway. Yeah. So as far as, I think between now and september if they start opening things up there's a bunch of little theaters that are around um that i would just you know pop in and do a night like i said just work for free have the people pay you know whatever for some tickets and buy whatever they're selling there you know knock the rest off yeah get you

know because i'm not gonna have people pay full I mean, I haven't taken this amount of time off since I started. Yeah. You know, my last gig was March 10th, the Dean Del Rey Bon Scott tribute. Dude, you should have come down for that, man. I couldn't. I had another thing. It looked like a lot of fun. Dean fucking murdered.

The band murdered. It was fucking. And we had a great comedy show. He's got a crazy voice. He does. It's so good. It really sneaks up on you because he'll sing in the car

you're like but then you see him when he's with the band and goes the microphone and everything when that video that you guys put on Instagram of him singing

a whole lot of Rosie I was like holy fuck he's really good well he did it for like 15, 20 years you could tell yeah

I mean he's legit yeah yeah that was a good time. And then it was over. And then it was over. Yeah. It's strange.

Yeah. I've got some gigs lined up. I'm going to announce them next week. But I'm just going to hit the road, do some fucking clubs, knock the rust off. It looks like the store is not listed as a bar. It's listed as an entertainment not listed as a bar. It's listed as an entertainment, a live entertainment venue because they're opening up bars and restaurants and all these different things. And the store, they kind of – they tried to label it as a nightclub.

But Peter Shore is like, it's not a nightclub. No one's milling around. You sit down. You go in and sit down. It's more like – Right. So what do they need to be classified as to open up? Well, they need a different distinction for comedy clubs. They don't really have one.

And there's a good argument, a real good argument, that comedy clubs should be some sort of essential business. Because people need to blow off some steam. It feels good. It's really good for you. Look, if I was a guy working a regular job and I was used to going to the store every couple months uh knock some you know knock some laughs into Me I mean I'd be fucking chomping at the bit to go see some comedy right now Oh, I think they're gonna be packed. I remember I was in New York you know during 9-11 and I was like is anything ever gonna be funny again, and it was like a

You know like a two-week lull and then they were just fucking packed Yeah, yeah, it was actually became became almost like a second boom or whatever way back in the day. I'm worried about a second wave of the corona. I'm worried about them locking things down. Someone's got to step in and stop them from doing that. Next wave, you guys got to be proactive. You got to do something about people's immune systems.

You got to lock down old people and sick people. Let regular people do whatever the fuck they want. You can't just lock people's freedom down for something that killed a small fraction of what you thought it was going to kill. The whole thing is just fucking creepy to have guys like Mayor Garcetti

be in charge of telling people whether or not they get to work. That's not what a governor is supposed to be. That's not what a mayor is supposed to be. That's not what a mayor is supposed to be. But they're trying to look out for your best interests and trying to get 400 million people to all pull in the same direction. It's fucking, you can't get 40 comics

to pull in the same direction. But they did. They have like an impossible, they did and they didn't. There was people fucking right, the whole fucking time, there's been fucking assholes on my street walking around, no masks, you know, not quarantining

like the people that come by the houses. You see the fucking, you know, the same people that were going in and out of the house who are not part of their family still going in and out of the house. You want people to walk down the street with a mask on? Let's not start this, Joe. Do you, though? Let's not start this. Let's start it.

I don't want to start this bullshit. I'm not going to sit here with no medical degree, listening to you with no medical degree, with an American flag behind you, smoking a cigar, acting like we know what's up better than the CDC. All I do is I listen. I watch the news once every two weeks. I'm like, mask or no mask? Still mask?

All right, mask. That's all I give a fuck about. I don't care. But even they say you shouldn't wear a mask unless you're treating a coronavirus patient. The World Health Organization literally said that. Yeah, but they didn't say that initially. They didn treating a coronavirus patient. The World Health Organization literally said that. Yeah, but they didn't say that initially. They didn't say it initially.

No, they didn't. They did. And then it gradually... And then, wait, wait, wait. And then everybody wore the fucking masks. This is like rollerblading. Everybody fucking rollerbladed. And then there was that one fucking homophobic joke.

And then everybody acted like they never did it. And then a hundred million fucking rollerblades got thrown into the fucking ocean. We all wore masks. I never rollerbladed. And then all of a sudden, people are fucking sitting there. What what you don't have the body type for it dude your fucking knuckles would scrape on the ground even with that extra two inches i just love how wearing a mask became like this fucking like soft thing that you were doing like being courteous being courteous why is it for bitches that was so stupid first of all oh god you're so tough with your fucking open nose and throat

chicho and your five o'clock shadow this is a man right here a man doesn't wear a mask why does it always become like that it's always like the man versus the bitch that's what men do we make make fun of things. Anything. Anything that seems like you're not taking chances. Right? That's what the mask is. I don't have a problem with that unless you were already wearing the mask and then you're acting like you didn't. And all of a sudden people watch your thing and then they all pile up.

Oh, look at this bitch wearing the mask. It's like, you were fucking doing it two weeks ago. Well, I was scared out of my mind in the beginning. In the beginning? Like when everybody's shutting down in the beginning and people are stockpiling food, I was convinced. I was like, Jesus Christ. Dude, you have like nine elk in your basement. You were the one person I knew was fine. Tom Pop is making bread. I've got plenty of food. I knew he was fine. That's not what I was worried about. I was worried about people

I knew getting really sick and dying. And then I was convinced that I had it. At one point in time, I was like, God, I do feel like i'm breathing heavy i felt like my breath is something like my breath is coming short i did i did i like had like psychosomatic issues thinking about it i got over it though i got over it guy had a fucking panic attack sitting on fucking 12 elk you had a fucking panic attack and then you felt bad about yourself and then you attack people with masks that's how it works and that's how the hatred starts and that's right now why seven blocks of seattle you can't go now and get yourself i'm gonna go and i'm gonna drop out free food for those folks those fine protesters there's a major american city where seven blocks

the people have took over it and i had no idea what you were talking about so that's great anything that i said i don't watch it i envy you at all i envy that that you just do that you just shut everything down me i every day i check what part of the world's on fire i don't like hysteria i don't like making decisions with hysteria and i like i i when i first became a dad the hysteria of other parents I would just I would be looking at them but I wasn't listening because that's all

that was the tone of everything he was saying you know better get some sleep now and you'd be like and then anytime you say anything positive about your kid

how old's your kid seven weeks oh yeah how is ah she's great she's great oh oh wait till seven and a half weeks

it's like it's like dude maybe you suck at it yeah how about that Oh, yeah? How is it? Ah, she's great. She's great. Oh, oh. Wait till seven and a half weeks. It's like, dude, maybe you suck at it. Yeah. How about that? Yeah. You're sitting there with your fucking legs trembling, right? All nervous and shit. Yeah.

I don't like, you know, I'm already fucked in the head. I'm already fucked in the head. I don't need 24-hour news. Like, who's that guy on Fox News? I always joke with Neil. Tucker? He's got great hair but horrible points like if his points were as good as his hair Which guy? He looks like a Kennedy I mean he's just

he is the white guy's white guy he was talking about black people going and when they come for you, and they will it's just like Is it Hannity? I don't know who he is No, it's not Hannity. Hannity was the guy who they put with that fucking rooster at the end, a chick in the end of his life looking guy. Like, here's your liberal.

Dude, and all my relatives who are conservatives are like, I mean, look at him. I mean, he's so meek. It's like, this thing is cast like a show. Yeah, who was that guy that he was with? Hennity and Combs. Remember that? Hennity and Combs. And the one guy looked like he was on Death's Door, and he was the liberal. Oh, he was gray. Yeah, who was that guy that he was with? Hennity and Combs. Remember that? Hennity and Combs. And the one guy looked like he was on Death's Door, and he was the liberal.

He was gray. Yeah. He was gray. And the other guy looked like a football hero, astronaut with the square jaw. Yeah, big, thick face. Nice fucking head of hair. Nice head of hair. The other guy with the little glasses.

He looked like Mr. Burns, right? Yes. And he had no spine. He wasn't a strong arguer. He was the Washington Generals. there he was he was the washington generals and the other guy was the globetrotters conservative point and then and then you put on cnn you got all those fucking nitwits with the situation room and all of that this is why i wish that there was a comedy club because there's a bit that's already come and gone, was what I loved was when Colin Kaepernick, when he was taken a knee, right?

All the liberals were just like, well, hey, man, it's just like his opinion, man. This is a time to listen, man. And then everybody on the right's like, shut the fuck up and play football, you fucking piece of shit. Don't disrespect the flag, right? And then Drew Brees tweets something conservative and then all of a sudden everybody on the right's like, hey man, this is just like his opinion, man. And then everybody on the left's like,

you fucking racist piece of shit. I'm going to fucking cancel you. They literally do this. Everybody believes in freedom of speech as long as you're saying what they want to fucking hear. It's basically, and that's why I fucking hate both of those news channels. Very divisive. It makes my blood boil when I walk into a house with people I know,

and if they're watching CNN or Fox, I can't get past them. When people watch the Kardashians, it's like, why would you do that to your brain? It is what it's like why would you do that to your brain it is what it's like I mean it's very toxic both sides and they never see any good points that the other side is making and every video on the internet starts after the thing

happened and it's like you're always like it's like you're always like, it's like you're getting eight episodes in and you're like, what the fuck? It's like, you don't know what's... Like, if you watch the last scene of Jaws, you're like, why the fuck did he kill that shark? There's enough sharks dying out there.

You didn't see that this thing was specifically targeting human beings and he needed to do this, right? How does that relate to the news? i'm saying when you watch the news people don't like they're not filming what leads up to whatever fucking confrontation happens okay so you're getting a very skewed you don't know what happens you know what a good version of that is what they're saying happens could be what happened or a bunch of other shit i don't i don't i don't know what happens. You know what a good version of that is? What they're saying happens could be what happened or a bunch of other shit. I don't understand how I'm supposed to watch something. You know, like there's obviously obvious shit.

Like that shit in Minneapolis was the most obvious shit ever. That guy's a murderer and those other three guys sat around and just watched him fucking do it. A guy's calling out, I can't breathe and all of this shit and calling out for his mother. It was fucking sickening. That guy's a monster. He had the audacity to have a shocked look on his fucking face that guy's terrible right but like what i'm saying is that thing had all of this he kind of got the whole fucking thing when they came up you had the whole thing there's so many other and i'm not just i'm not talking about cop stuff i'm just talking about anything. Taking a little piece of somebody's stand-up routine or a politician says this or voted.

He voted no on this. And what it is is the shit that all it's usually the shit that was attached to it, which is something I don't understand with politics. Like, why can't you just vote on what you're voting on? Like, should we have clean water? Yes, we should. And then like the shit that's attached to it. But we can still fucking dump toxic shit in here and then when the guy goes to or the woman goes to run It's like oh this this person voted against the Clean Water Act. This is your tree hugger

I'm Joe Blow and I approve of this message. Well, here's here's a good version of that Remember the Covington school case? There was the the kid had a MAGA hat on and the Native American was beating the drums and the kid was smiling looking at him. And they took it, pretending that this kid walked up to this Native American beating the drums and was smiling at his face and mocking him. What really happened is these kids were on a field trip for high

school. They're selling MAGA hats. The kids are 16. They're being jerk-offs. They buy these hats and put them on. They're just having fun. Very little supervision. While they're there, these Native Americans are beating their drums and this guy walks up to the kid and gets in the kid's face and is beating the drum. Now CNN, all these people went with this narrative that these kids were mocking him. The kid just stood there smiling while this Native American got in his face.

But the photo of the kid doing that- It's disturbing that those... There used to be rules on ownership of media yeah I think way back in the day it was like a rule of sevens like no one person could own seven any combination of radio TV

because you can literally influence public opinion and that's why like I've watched and I dude 12 years ago I went down the Federal Reserve

fucking rabbit hole I became a fucking the guy you didn't want to talk to about the Federal Reserve all of that shit the private thing it's not it's Federal it's the Federal Express I went hole. I became a fucking, the guy you didn't want to talk to. About the Federal Reserve. All of that shit. The private thing. Is this Federal? Is this the Federal Express?

I went down. Jekyll Island. Yeah. All of that shit. And like, watching, I just, I just feel like in the last,

I don't know how many years where it's just all of a sudden they stopped being just sort of, everything they were, I think reporting was always perverted to some level. And now it's just, it's just, you're sort of watching like op-ed pieces so i don't know this is somebody who doesn't watch anything and reads like you know autobiographies of football players in the 1950s so when this covington school kid case they sued the kid sued and won they you know

the cnn paid him out to be a monster they were getting death threats and did they did cnn uh issue a retraction i don't know what they did but they paid him i don't i don't know what they but that's why i don't i don't like either one of those channels because of that and it causes i think rational people like that guy the guy the fat dude on the bicycle suit ripping those pieces of paper out of those girls' hands? Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. That guy, that is the result, I think, of watching one of those channels 24-7 and then going on Facebook and writing in capital letters. Could you imagine if you were there watching that guy rip pieces of paper out of a little

girl's hand like that that he didn't even know, yelling at her, running up to her where the mother is yelling, you stop touching her. Get your hands off her. Oh, that was the mom i thought that was a friend whoever that was it sounded like a woman it sounded like a woman yelling because he was doing everything but growling yeah and then because then it gets to the point of like what is in your head that you're trying to defend like what that's guy, but then everybody vilifies the guy, which I would rather sit down and talk to that guy and be like, let me ask you this.

When you watch that, you know, Floyd video, like, what is it that you see? Because just yelling at somebody, canceling him and making him lose his fucking job, you're just going to make the guy even more angry. And he probably has grandkids that he's going to fill their head before he dies. So what's the solution? Sit down and talk to him?

I think that should be part of it. Like, buddy, let's just sit down for a second. You were on a bicycle. You wanted to burn some calories. You're obviously into it by the way you're dressed. Okay. You're enjoying America's great parks right you come across these kids you know do you like kids have you ever attacked a kid before they're just putting a piece of paper up with the point of view like what what do you think led up to that level of a response because i have to be honest like we've all fucking snapped and done shit I would like to think I have and afterwards I'd be like what the fuck why did I argue that why did I say that? Why did I do that and the only way?

to kind of Prevent from you being a fucking asshole again is you have to kind of walk back and look at it, right? So Going at the guy which I totally understand because it was so bad it was almost comical because he was borderline growling at them. Well, you know what was really bad? He didn't even get the paper from the girl. He grabs the girl.

The girl clenched her fist down and held onto the paper. My favorite part was the sound of the bottom of his shoes that clip into the pedals. He sounded like a little show pony. He was trying to growl like a tiger, and he sounded like my pretty pony, like somebody should have been combing his hair. And I was sitting there going, look at this crazy old guy. I don't think how old I thought he was, but then he was like 60.

I was like, this guy's like only eight years older than me. So he graduated high school like eight years before me. So this guy is almost part of my generation. Like what experiences did he have that he looks at this whole thing? Like, you know, I mean, I'm not that thing saying all cops are like those guys it's like no it's like you have to get those guys off of the force that's what i think so um i just don't understand like and that was my understanding what they were putting up there was specific to the minneapolis case so my thing is as human being, how could you have issue with somebody

trying to put something, you know, honoring that guy or something positive about that? Like, that's what I was confused. I don't know what she put up. I'm not sure what she put up. It was definitely about the George Floyd protest. You know, maybe organizing it. See, that's a great point.

I couldn't see what was written on the paper, and I just, I filled that in when I watched it. but i really couldn't get over the sound of the shoes though that was really fucking funny and when he started walking faster with the bike it was almost like a great movie trailer for a horror film yeah no but could you imagine 60 year old fat bike rider imagine if that was your your daughter. Imagine if your daughter, you're sitting there, and that guy runs up to your daughter, and he's grabbing the paper out of her hand. He's running at her, grabbing the paper out of your—while a woman's screaming at him to not touch her. Don't you touch her. Yeah, I mean—

Imagine. Yeah. I mean, there's only one response as a father. Yeah. Murder. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's only one response as a father. Yeah. Murder. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like murder.

No? What do you like? Mame. I want him to remember that he did it. That's interesting. That's interesting. That's another level. Start with the blown out ACL and you go from there.

Yeah. Beat him with his stupid shoe. Why do people wear... I actually had to look up why people wore those shoes. They clip in. I know they do, but I'm like, what is the advantage of that? Is there an advantage? It's hard.

Yeah, I think it's when you're coming up this way, you can still pull with your legs, so you're getting more of an efficient motion. Oh, that makes sense. They wear those for spin classes. This guy's really into biking and not putting paper on trees. Don't put their dead relatives in their faces. Just a man that would run up to a little girl like that and grab her. Grab paper out of her hand.

There he is. Click, click, click, click. That's before, but that's before he grabs her, Jamie. Yeah, back it up from the beginning. Now, as far as you, with your martial art background, you've got to be impressed with the way he's using his bike there. No. He's sort of like trying to be a little herd.

Bicyclist in Maryland caught on. What does it say? Rewind it. See right there. That's where a bicyclist was caught on video earlier, attacking teenagers who were posting flyers. Is that a teenager? It's a little girl.

Is that really a teenager? She might be 13. He just runs up to her. He's yelling at her. I mean, look. He's towering. Oh, my God. Look at her, though. Good for her. Yeah. See, that's, I think, I don't know if that's a woman or her friend, but that girl's got balls or ovaries.

I like the little skip step, too, like a cornerback. Well, he's running at the guy with the camera and knocks him over the man achieved his goal okay as much as you don't approve of what he's doing he achieved his goal

no she's still got the paper in hand I'm joking he grabbed her arm whatever happened to that guy he got in charge three charges

I don't know but they're promoting my movie right there look at that king of Staten Island what are the odds on demand everywhere Friday.

You know, I would be in the news with a big old fucking orange jumpsuit on if that was happening to my daughter. Oh my God. It'd be a real problem. If I caught someone doing that to anybody. Dude, you would be like a fucking badger on that fucking. Your biggest problem would be what do I use? I almost think for half a second, like you would be,

elbow, what do I do? Choke him, what do I fucking. Dude, that spinning heel kick I saw you do. If you ever hit me with that, I have to learn how to talk again. Yeah. Yeah. Joe, it didn't happen to if you ever hit me with that, I have to learn how to talk again. Yeah. Yeah. Joe, it didn't happen to your daughter, right? I know.

You just went to a dark fucking place there. I go there all the time, Bill. It's a real problem with me. I know. I do, too. I go there all the time. I do think, talking about at least protests, I think something really positive is going to come out of this because the fact that so many white people are also pro and getting involved in it and so many cops were vocal saying that you know they shouldn't do that so i think something good is going to come out of this i just agree more i

really do i do and i hope so too because it's it it's been wrong for way too long and i also hope that uh that a bunch of other groups don't use this as a piggyback thing to then do some other shit, which will then escalate, will make people who want things to stay the same. They'll be able to shift focus of like, you know, like how they try to make like the protesters and the rioters, like the looters,

the same people. Right, right. Where it's just, yeah, there's only, yeah, you did that.

And then at night you did this. No. Yeah. The way that, so I don't know. They're going to do it anyways's just yeah there's only yeah you you did that and then at night you did this no yeah the way that so i don't know they're gonna do it anyways i think there's the once the looting died down you're seeing peaceful protests that are very encouraging i think it's great i really do i mean that downtown la one was amazing 50 000 fucking people filled the streets and no crime or very little nothing nothing I heard of. It was just mostly people chanting and holding signs. It looked promising. Look, the thing that disturbs me is this idea that they should defund the police. You can't get rid of the police.

What you need to do is spend more money and train them better and have higher standards and do it the way you do the military where it's very difficult to get in and you weed people out that are weak. Like, that guy was a pussy. That guy leaning on that guy's neck like that, that guy's a monster. There's no way that guy should have ever been a cop. Yeah, because he knew he was being filmed, too, and he just had no... He didn't give a fuck. Yeah, I mean, that's like hands in his pockets, like he was just fucking, you know, waiting for an Uber or something like that.

He's a monster. Yeah. He's a monster. Yeah. And that guy had been doing that forever. You know, there's new evidence that they worked together and they fought. They argued about the way that cop was treating the customers. They worked together at security at the same club.

And that cop was a fucking asshole to people at the club. And they argued about it. So they had a personal issue. And there's some people that want it to be elevated to first degree murder because of that, that he did it on purpose. Oh, he knew? He knew that guy. Oh, man. I mean, it's just.

Yeah. They argued when they worked together, apparently. One of the guys that worked with them said that George Floyd was always telling that guy he's a fucking asshole the way he treats customers because he would mace people and shit, that kind of stuff. Pepper spray folks. He just was the first guy to use violence right away yes escalate this he had a history of complaints back to 2006 my friend joe shilling the kickboxer i'm talking about him again but his fucking page is the most disturbing page right now because all he's done over the last five six days is post videos of police brutality. And it's police brutality on black women, white women, white old men, black old men, young guys. It's just police brutality over and over

and over and over again. There's a problem of racism in this country for sure. There's also a real problem with people that have the kind of power the cops have that are weak people, that are sociopaths. And that's as much of a problem as any of this. You attack the racism onto it and you've got a horrible situation, but those people are psychopaths. They're monsters. That guy who did that is a fucking monster. You know what reminds me a long time ago?

I remember talking to a security guy and he said, the best guys are the guys that de-escalate it. Yeah. He goes, you don't, because this guy used to put together crews of guys to, I think it was like rock concerts and stuff. And he said, you didn't want to get guys that wanted to fight. You didn't want to have those guys because those guys would be a fucking headache. And every night there was going to be something and there was going to be lawsuits. Like what he was saying you ultimately wanted was nothing to happen yeah so um i remember because i was joking with him i

remember a long time ago the grill 93 this old dick doherty room i remember that joint so two guys were about ready to go at it in the club and the bouncer gets him outside okay and this guy's trying to say his point of view and he put his hand on his shoulder he goes he goes uh he goes no all i was trying to do he barely barely went like that on his shirt and he goes okay first of all don't touch me that's what the bouncer said and just immediately it was here and then it became then it went to here and then those two guys started yelling at each other and then within i don't know what the fuck he just twisted the guy up and took him out and And I forget who the fuck I was with.

We were fucking dying laughing. It just became a catchphrase between us. He would come up, hey, Bill, you working this weekend? Okay, first of all, don't touch me. You immediately just escalate it where it just becomes a what the fuck. And then, first of all, don't touch me. From 90% of guys, it's immediately going to put you in your ego,

where it's like, oh, fuck. Now he's on top of me, and I'm the bitch. I got to at least get at his eyebrow level. I have to come back with something else. It was inevitable. The second he said that, first of all, don't touch me, I did like the three slide steps down, because I learned that young, watching fights.

You don't want to have a really good seat because it's like a tornado you don't know where it's going to go and you think you're like 20 feet away that met me at a Bruins game the old Boston Garden and it was like one of those you know just everybody smoking you probably couldn't smoke in the garden at that point

I just remember like smoky bars and shit so we went in there and everybody was hammered I was hammered drinking like fucking Heffern Reffers. Remember the Green Death, right? Like, dude, this is like 6% alcohol. So like one of those two rows of fans fighting, which is always great. Because like the people that are a row up are just throwing down. These guys are getting fucking pounded. There's always a loafer laying there, right?

Mike Milbury picking it up. So I remember the cops ran up there. and I ran up too to watch the fight, and they started grabbing guys and coming down the stairs. And it was the Boston Guard, and there was nowhere to go. And I just remember this big cop bounding down the stairs. He literally had a handful of this guy's neck. It was like his whole neck and his jugular. And this guy was two colors.

I just remember he was going, try to push me down going try to try to push me down the stairs try to push me down the stairs and he came down like and i was trying to get out of the way and i figured i think the guy who he had grabbed like his knee fucking hit me in the back you know i just i just got caught by the debris of this guy running by and that's when i kind of learned like uh you know when i told how to watch your fight which you watch your fight and you're looking at your exits because like i said it's like you don't know where it's going to fucking go. And I had learned that lesson. So when I saw that guy say that, first of all, don't touch me.

I was just like, okay, sliding over here. Let some other people settle in in front of me. I can do that. I like doing that. Yeah, that's the same as if, yeah, you want to be above, slightly above, looking down at all the altercations. Get a better viewpoint there anyway. Yeah, I suck at it, dude. I stopped fighting in junior high.

That was it. I just knew. I mean, I just knew. I was like, this is not my thing. I can't slip a punch. I am slow as shit. I got a big head. I got a huge target.

This is not going to go three rounds. It's just not. I fought up until like six round six grade i think i probably had my last one and then all of a sudden kids started to get 120 130 140 pounds and they started being blood and fucking people missing a couple days of school after a beat down i was just know what? Okay. I think I'll be the funny guy. It's weird how things go sideways like that when there's a feeling in the air. Whenever chaos breaks out like that and it's a real melee, there's a feeling in the air. It's like you feel it.

It's like, oh, this is nuts. This is really dangerous. There's a mob mentality feeling that you get that's real weird when things go crazy. I remember it took me having to leave Boston for about seven years. I was gone for seven years before I finally walked into a bar and just felt the normal energy. I think the city's changed a lot, but sort of that tail end of the craziness. I walked into a bar and you could just feel it. It's like somebody's got to get suckered. Not now. It's about 90 minutes away.

You could just feel the level of drunkness, the energy. Well, guys would go out looking for fights. Some guys would go out looking for fights. Yeah, I knew guys like that. There's a guy I used to train with, Mike Blythe. He used to work at the Ratskeller. He was a bouncer. He would wrap his hands.

He would wrap his hands on his way to work. I knew a guy. Tape his wrists and shit. I knew a guy who was a bouncer, and he used to bring a mouthpiece to work, but he used to carry it all the time. And I remember when he would get in a fight, he would fucking...

It was something where he would... It was a mouthpiece. He would bite down. It wasn't like what you guys wear but it would totally psych the other guy out like he would come out

and he would just put this thing in and the guy would be like this guy brought equipment like what the fuck is going on here and I remember one time he got

he got suckered he knew it was going to be a fight and I figured for some dumb reason he sat down on the stairs and the guy was standing above him

and one of his friends jumped down and just punched him and i saw the mouthpiece it was like fucking buster douglas tyson i saw his mouthpiece fly towards us and then just i shouldn't tell these stories because why i don't know because i you know it's my version of what it was a long long like name and names it was like 30 years ago. And what happened was we were in an off-campus apartment. And I can't believe I'm going to tell this story. I'm going to tell the quick version. Tell the whole version. No.

Two of my buddies left to go upstairs. It was one of those, you know, those old fucking Boston. It looked almost like a three-family house, but it wasn't. It was one of those big ones that has fucking Boston it looked almost like a three family house but it wasn't it was one of those big ones that has all apartments in it right so they left the party

we were on on the first floor and then they went upstairs and like 20 minutes they came back one of my buddy's shoulders was separated the other guy

had a fat lip and he had a flat top too and maybe he had this big fucking gash coming right down here blood coming down his face and we were like what the fuck happened what the fuck happened is that we just asked this guy for a drink the whole party started beating on us so this whole mob goes up the stairs to go

fight the party right and i'm going upstairs like what the fuck am i doing my big fucking head i'm gonna get knocked out here but i have to go because of my friends. So we fucking go up there. And we hear the party. So my buddy, the mouthpiece guy, like the most innocent void ever, knocks on the door. He goes, hey. He's like, is there a party going on in there? Right? And the fucking door opens up.

And it was like a fucking Wild West movie. Like a saloon fight. Just fucking haymakers. I remember I didn't even want to go in i was so scared because i was like oh my god this is gonna be fucking nuts and just the mob just sent me in and it was just like everybody's just throwing i remember this dude jumping over my back punching me in the face right and the smoke fucking clears and it all settles you know it was all like fucking 15 second melee and it all fucking settles and we look at the party and there's like six or seven guys six or seven girls and there's like a board

game that's tipped over and we had gone to the wrong party swear to god i know this sounds like a joke the real party where they got hit was upstairs and i don't know i don't remember what happened but they they were actually rich kids and they sued my friends for going in, whatever the dumb shit they did. Oh, no. We all went in to the wrong party, and they were in there,

having like a couples thing, and they were playing like fucking Monopoly or something, and all of a sudden there was a knock on the door, hey, is there a party? And then everybody just came fucking running in. Imagine them. That's what I'm saying.

No, that's why I didn't want to tell, because I felt really like, yeah, I felt bad. When I was in high school, the first real brawl that I ever saw was when I was like 17. I think I was a senior in high school. And there was a rich kid that moved into the neighborhood. He wanted to make friends. So he put on this crazy party. He just invited everybody.

So kids from all kinds of different high schools were coming. That's always good. Yeah, Newton North, Newton South, a bunch of kids from all sorts of other places. And I happened to be at the right place at the right time when I saw it pop off. People were already robbing this guy. I saw people taking stuff out of bedrooms and running down the stairs with it. It was real sketchy because there was way too many people for this guy's party. But then this girl, I still

to this day don't remember what she did. She either slapped this guy in the face or she threw a drink in his face. I don't remember. I think she slapped him. But what I remember is, he uncorked a perfect right hand on her. He knew how to punch. I remember thinking, wow, this guy's trained.

Because he snapped it. Joe, always the commentator listen i've been doing it for a long time but whatever she did i'm pretty sure she slapped him but he went like this i mean it was a perfect right hand hit her right in the face her head goes back this guy behind her catches her she's totally unconscious and then Chaos Chairs flying bodies piling it up and I'm on the stairs, so I'm watching this through the railings I see the guy punched the girl as I'm coming up the stairs. I see it all play out I'm like, holy fuck, and I'm like I gotta get out of yes, and it was there was pile

I didn't I didn't hit anybody and nobody hit me I fucking it was like a movie like excuse me probably crawling out Dodge everything meanwhile I was fighting at the time I was Traveling to tournaments all over the country and fighting so my friends were looking for me They're like, you know go get Joe and there's piles of people Brawling and I'm just ducking the piles and then I ran ran into my friend Jimmy, and I'm like, where is everybody? And we gathered our friends and got in the car and drove off. We were laughing our asses off. But it was like when we left, the cops were just starting to arrive.

There was piles of kids beating the shit out of each other on the lawn. Dude, I remember my friend who separated his shoulder in that fight. We popped it back in, and he went back up up threw a punch with the same arm and missed it came out again and i remember him flopping on the ground like a fish out of water and afterwards we said to him like dude why didn't you throw the other hand and he goes because i wanted this hand to get its revenge i swear like he had made his part of his body like a karate movie. He had to avenge his shoulder's death. And I have to tell you something. When people talk about you're a funny comedian and blah, blah, blah,

the characters that I grew up with and what I loved about what they did and what they said was they weren't trying to be funny. He was dead serious. He wanted revenge for this arm. Yeah, and then we were driving home hammered and we were three abreast in the fucking, the pickup truck. It was this guy's dad's truck and he had the flat top.

So he's got dried blood on his forehead and we're just driving home and nobody's saying anything. And the dude in the middle has got these sunglasses on and he's just sitting there like this and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he just fucking goes like that scared the fucking shit out of me and i did i was like dude what the fuck are you doing and he goes ah sorry he goes because i took a little acid he goes i was looking at this bug he goes because i thought it was on the windshield he goes it turned out it was on the inside of my glasses now i don't know if that was true but dude there's only like there's no way you could ever reenact how much he flipped it like how much

you would freak out on acid if you thought a bug was over there but then your mind told you that it was on the inside of your fucking glasses and i just remember all three of us just crying laughing driving home at this just just the whole fucking situation that was like that was like every weekend of my life for like um probably like two and a half three years every single fucking weekend and we used to go in to uh this there was this club in uh this bar in chelsea oh boy yeah well i got to it i was such a baby face that was the only place where you get served right so it's a rough place yeah well yeah it was it was yeah and they were like selling uh fucking blow out of there so they didn't give a fuck if you look like you were 12 years old like i was when i go up to our order my my vodka collins was like the only how old were you um i wasn't of age like 19 or 20 probably 20 and i would go in there and i

just remember one time standing outside that bar and there was this fucking dude who looked like Rob Halford from fucking Judas Priest just fucking totally gacked out of his fucking mind standing in front of his motorcycle and he was telling this story about riding his bike and his drug thing he got stuck he just kept saying I'm going around the apex I'm going around the apex I am going around the apex right now around the apex. Going around the apex, right? And I'm fucking hammered. And I'm like making fun of the guy in front of him to my buddy. I'm looking at my buddy and I'm so shit-faced.

I'm going, going around the apex. I'm going around the apex and he's hitting me because the guy's staring at me. Yeah, no, it was a... And I didn't understand... Because I never did coke, so I didn't understand what was going on. I'm going to leave it at that. I didn't understand what was going on. I'm going to leave it at that.

I didn't understand what was going on, but all I knew was I just seemed to be the guy that wanted to go home first. I'll leave it at that. That was a fucking dangerous place. Boston was dangerous. No, this is when I figured out what the fuck was going on. It was one time I went into the bathroom by myself

to take a leak, and it was one of those things you walk in, there was a sink, there was a stand-up urinal, and then there was a stall stall which just had one toilet and i walked in and there was two fucking legs guys in there and i was like what the fuck are those guys doing and so my dick's already out and i'm taking a piss and they opened like the thing because i didn't have a latch opened up and they had like the they were doing blow and i i was taking a piss because it was weird it was two guys in there and i kind of gl. And I was taking a piss because it was weird.

It was two guys in there and I kind of glanced over as I'm already pissing. I look over and this guy's all fucking hammered. A little werewolf's like, what the fuck are you looking at? And I was just like,

pee, pee. Didn't wash my hands after that one. No, there was a lot. I don't know why because a lot of like like easy targets really got hit and i was beyond an easy time somehow i just never i you know i never asked yeah i did i did because i i would have got really uh i was not as tough as my friends were my friends were fucking lunatics you know but you know my my grade was cool but like the grade above me and greater below me they were like some fucking they were crazy but i talked

to friends that grew up in other places they would they didn't have the same amount of fight stories i think boston is a particularly fighty place fighty you know i'm saying i i don't know what yeah uh there was something going on but i mean i think a lot of those east like new york and oh fuck this thing's going out um a lot of those uh like i find the people in like new england long island tri-state area it's all sort of the same savages savage children of immigrants. That's what it is. Yeah, but you go out to the Midwest and that's like German, a lot of Slavic people, Polish people.

So, I mean, that's... I don't know what... I think they just had more space out there so it wasn't as intense. You weren't so, like, packed in. You're in a cornfield. There's something about Boston, though, in particular. I think even more so than New York. Boston was just a lot of fights, man.

My boxing coach got his finger bitten off on a fight. He was on PCP. This guy bit his finger off, and he had his toe removed and replaced his finger with a toe. Did I tell you this? No, I remember that was the move back then. So he had it curved permanently so that he could still throw right hooks. So when you would shake his hand,

he would always give you one of these. Yeah, I knew a guy from Boston too. He had this weird looking nose and some guy had bit it off and had it reattached. Oh, Jesus Christ. Guys lost ears. Dude, that's why I'm saying why,

you know, right around sixth grade, I was just like, yeah, this is like becoming blood sport. Like, I think I'm going to try to be funny here. But yeah, there was a lot of, there's also a lot of, you know, the sports scene back in Boston is just, was insane. Well, hockey was big in Boston and hockey is the only sport that involves actual fights. It's the only sport where fighting is a part of the sport. I'm reading this book right now.

I'm reading, like, I got three sports books I'm reading right now, right? I'd read a few in that line, and then I'm going to read a couple chapters over here, and I'm reading this one called, Bartnick gave it to me, called The Code. And it breaks down, for anybody who never understood why there was fighting, which I never quite understood either. I just knew I liked it. And how the players have to police the game. I'm not far enough into the book,

but it's really eye-opening what goes on out there. And they have all these enforcers talking about it. He goes, sometimes you had to fight. Sometimes guys would just skate out. They put him out, just the guy being out on the ice. Sometimes he sometimes he'd say something like hey we don't settle it down out here boy somebody's gonna get hurt a guy would just say that and then people like all right okay all right let's fucking sticks back down everybody play old-time hockey whatever the fuck he was supposed to do all-star hockey and um just as far and then as far as like how there's this whole code of,

and there's all these, there's like, you know, the heavyweights, like a heavyweight only fucks with a heavyweight unless a middleweight is doing some shit and you gave him a warning and he didn't, then he has to take a fucking beating. And if he doesn't take the beating and turtles up, that means one of his fucking teammates is going to get the beating and then he's going to be a fucking asshole in the locker room. I mean, it is this whole web of fascinating shit because everybody just looks at the sport and they just think,

oh, drop gloves, fucking beat the shit out of him. There's a whole fucking thing that is going on out there that actually, because of that, keeps the game safer, which I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand it either, but I just think it's fascinating that there's this one sport where it's okay to fight. John, what are you talking about?

The sport you do, that's all they do is fight. But that's the whole sport. That's the sport itself. But there's no fighting in basketball. There's a greed upon fighting in hockey that doesn't exist in any other sport where everybody backs off and these guys go at it. No, lacrosse.

You can do it in lacrosse. Who the fuck plays professional lacrosse? I don't know, but I wouldn't want to say that. I wouldn't want to say that to one of them. This full fucking cage. I wouldn't say that. Those guys are savages for no reason. What about the cross-country skiers and all of a sudden they got a rifle?

They're doing like they're in a gun range. That's different. That's a stupid fucking, what is that? That's not the decathlon. What is that one called? That's like Tex-Mex food. Right. Asian infused fucking Americana.

That's all it is. It's just people are doing their version of cross-country skiing. That's like- Yeah. I like that cross-country skiing where you then shoot. That's like the beginning of a lot of James Bond things. They always seem to be in the snow. Yeah.

Well, the whole idea is you elevated heart rate. It's hard to control your shot. Because I think they're supposed to shoot offhanded, too. You know, they're not supposed to have a rest. I know. See, I don't know shit about hunting, and that's the thing that I live for on the hunting shows. What? Was when the guys, after the kill, and then they'd just be like, oh, man, I was so scared.

I didn't just say just saying all this fucking shit and it's I get it if you're shooting like a lion it's a nerve wracking thing because you don't want to fuck up and you know it's like

because people are going to make fun of you no because you're going to hurt an animal you don't want to wound the animal you want to kill it you want to kill it cleanly

and you have to keep it together while you're pulling the trigger on an animal you're going to end its life. It's very nerve-wracking. Can't you just give him the second one?

Second bullet? Oh, you're saying if he rends away and then the thing suffers. If you nick it, you know, you shoot it in the leg or something like that, it's very likely it's going to get away and die slowly, get eaten by coyotes or something. It's really bad. Dude, I got one for you, because you got me watching those fucking videos of animals eating other-

First of all, I love bears, but I can't watch them kill anything because they don't- You see the recent one? They don't- The bear took down the buffalo at Yellowstone? They don't kill it. Why won't they kill it? Oh, he killed it. Well, they just-

They kill it because they start eating it before it's dead. Yeah. They just hold it down- And start eating. Yeah. That's what bears do. I got one for you. Okay.

Have you watched the praying mantis' videos? Oh, yes, I have. for you okay have you watched the praying mantis's videos yes i have do you see the one where the praying mantis eats the lizard who tries to eat him well he because he fucking alligator armed it he was like i'm gonna kill you he kind of did the little flicky he gave him a little jab and then that thing just grabbed him he was like ah what the fuck yeah he like and then started licked at him then Then started eating his jaw. But if he let his hands go, as you guys say, with his tongue, I think he could have pulled that thing in and crushed him. No. No.

A praying mantis is so fucking strong. They're so much stronger than you would imagine them being because they have these little stick arms. Yeah, I watched one eat a hummingbird. Oh, yeah, yeah. They eat all kinds of shit. They eat everything that they get a hold of. We're lucky they're little.

Praying mantises are amazing. I fucking love those little things. They're crazy. What they can do to a bird or something much larger than them, the lizard was the most impressive, because the lizard thought it was going to eat him. And that thing was totally immobilized. Yeah.

It was like, it reminded me of watching the shit that you say, where he's passed his guard. Yeah. Now he's going for this. That thing was just like, oh. It's exactly like that. Because their clamp is so, it's like if somebody got you in a darts. It's the same thing. Someone gets like this grip and then cinches it up to a darts choke.

You're like trapped in there. That's what it was like. There it is. There's this poor fuck. Look, he thinks he's gonna get him. He's like, bitch, you ain't getting nothing. But look how he holds his mouth open. And he's like, oh, dude, I hate...

The strength. But this lizard, he gets away. He gets away for a second. But this is what's crazy. For a second? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at... He starts eating his mouth. He just starts slowly pulling him apart. I know what he's doing, Joe. I love it.

Have you ever seen Praying Mantis versus a Murder Hornet? You know, everybody's afraid of Murder Hornets. Look at him. He's like, fuck, what did you do to my face? Oh, Jesus. He's like in pain. He's shaking it off. And the Praying Mantis is like, bitch, I'm not done with you yet.

Like, he's in agony, and he's spazzing around. And the Praying Mantis just locks onto him again and slowly starts pulling him apart. And at the end, he's dead. He and slowly starts pulling him apart and at the end He's dead. He just starts eating his brain look at that They just can pull that skin apart and bite right through it, but it thinks so much bigger than him That's like you eating a cow. That's like you holding a cow down. No, I wouldn't do that to look at it He's eating his fucking brain Lizards dead as fuck what that that parts not a problem for me right here, because now it's dead. Yeah, but it died this way.

I know it did. That was the part I wanted to avoid. I love it. I'm a big fan of the praying mantis. I like their technique. I'm not going to begrudge what they do. I don't need to see it. Pull the video of the grizzly taking down the buffalo.

It was only two days ago. It was in Yellowstone. It linked me to a 30-minute video of it just fucking up all sorts of animal. Praying mantis? Yeah. I was only two days ago. It was in Yellowstone. It linked me to a 30 minute video of it just fucking up all sorts of animals. Pregnancies? Yeah. I'll put that on there. Oh, by the way, there's so many fucking people. Here it goes. What's this? All kinds of things. Leaf bugs.

What is that? It's a leaf bug, I think. Oh, wow. What a weird looking creature. Oh, a pregnant is this pink. He's camouflaged himself. Oh, wow. Now he's the color of the leaf pink. He's camouflaged himself. Oh, wow. Now he's the color of the leaf bug. Yeah, this is a good 10 million views on this praying mantis video. They're amazing animals, man.

What were you going to say? What were you mad about? I wasn't mad about anything. I'm just like, you know, I love bears, right? Yes. I love when they ride the bikes at the fucking circus. I love when they ride the bikes at the fucking circus. I love bears. I love when they ride the bike at the circus.

This is my thing about that. What did they have to do to that bear? When you see what this thing can do to a bison, what did they do to that bear to get him to get on a fucking bicycle? Give him food. That's how they train him. Is that how you did it? I've never done it before.

You got a bear in the back? Just the confidence, the way you said that. Because I've seen them train him. I've seen them train bears. Yeah. They can train bears to a bunch of things. Are you one of those guys who doesn't need any sleep? Like, of all the random fucking things.

I've seen it. This is the one where the bear freaks out. Okay, okay. Oh, with the whip? That little whip there? He's just on a bike. I don't think he freaks out. I don with the whip? That little whip there? He's just on a bike. I don't think he freaks out. I don't think he's beating the bear.

I'll tell you right now, that guy's not dressed to get a fucking, to be attacked by a bear. No. Well, the bear's got a muzzle on, and it's a little ass bear, but the bear is still fucking Dude, fuck you, man. Fuck you? They got the Freddy Krueger claws. He got four of them. He's on a Vespa now.

Look at that. Wow. I mean, can you humiliate a bear even more? He's got to wear that frilly outfit. Now you got him on a... Didn't give him a motorcycle. You're the one who's a big fan of the bears riding bikes. I was joking.

Me too. I was joking. I didn't know. Maybe the bear should have a mask on. I actually watched a whole training video of how... Where do you find... What part of the internet are you on? Well, I don't know. Maybe the bear should have a mask on. I actually watched a whole training video of how, like, where do you find, what part of the internet are you on? Well, I don't know. I was trying to figure out why people, what the fuck?

That guy's got a giant grizzly bear on the back of his bike. And playing a horn. And it's playing a trumpet. Because he's got any volume on this trumpet? Let me hear this. Back it up there. Hello? Says the bus.

This person that's filming this is an idiot. You think it can't break out of that seatbelt and just... Did you see the bear flipping him off? That thing has on a fucking lap belt. Yeah, what is the bear doing? He's just... Imagine... This has got to be Russia, right? I mean, the only way they would allow this is lap belt. Yeah, what is the bear doing? He's just... Imagine... This has got to be Russia, right?

I mean, the only way they would allow this is in Russia. Yeah. Yeah, look at the language in the back of that truck. He's yelling at the fucking traffic. Jesus Christ,

let's fucking go! The size of that fucking thing. My God. Just throwing his arms up, just thinking about ripping a person apart. No, he isn't. Yeah, he's thinking like,

I used to be in the woods. I could fucking eat whatever I wanted. The weird thing about bears is if you train them when they're young, they're almost like dogs. They become your buddy. It's weird. The day somebody tells that bear that it's riding bitch, that guy fucking, that guy riding the motorcycle,

he's going to be in trouble. He's riding on the side cart. Yeah, he's going to be in trouble. He's riding on the side cart. Yeah, he's going to be in trouble. Remember those side carts? Whatever happened to those? You never see those. A motorcycle with a side cart. You ever see the racing?

No, they do side cart racing. Side cart racing. And when they go around a turn, okay, and it's on the side where the guy's riding. The side is lifted up. That guy, he has to stand up. Dude, they're going like, I don't know how many fucking miles an hour. He has to stand up and lean

over all the way over on this side of the bike because of the weight of the sidecar plus his weight. So it doesn't fall off. Yeah, and they can go through the turn at a higher speed. I mean, it's bad enough when you're the guy in the car with the map. You ever seen those when they have two drivers? Yeah, the one guy's yelling, turn

in 100 yards, left, right, left. Yeah, those are those rally drivers, right? I never understood that. Do you know what they're doing? They're yelling out directions of the road, right? But they have notebooks that tells them, like, what's the next turn, next turn right, next turn left. I would guess that the course is so long

that they can't memorize it. Or maybe it's just through a fucking town. Yeah, it must be. Yeah. This is a sidecar racing? It's on the back of the driver, I believe. You can see how he moves over there. Boy, they're going fast as fuck.

Going really fast. Oh, my God. You're the one who turned me on to those bike races in the Isle of Man. I was supposed to go to that this year. Oh, you would be side on the side oh no no no no fucking way no i i planned to befriend some people in town with a balcony even then like god knows some part of the bike could come flying up with uh i want to go to that before they outlaw it

and they get outlawed just because people die year? More people have died than years they've had it. Whoa. And it's still like... Look at these motherfuckers. They are flying. This is insane. So more than one person dies every year. That's what that would mean, right?

Basically average. Yeah. And I think way back in the day, way more people died. Like the safety equipment is much better. But as you see, they're going by brick walls

and trees and like... There's just no... Jesus Christ. When you say safety equipment, what the fuck kind of safety equipment is going to save you here? Yeah, well, they have an airbag, which is a really amazing piece of technology. It can tell when you've let go of the bike and you're falling instantaneously. And it protects your... Organs?

Yeah, but obviously your brain's in the fluid, so it doesn't protect that. I tell you, but the best racing out there, MotoGP is the shit. It's better than this. Well, I don't know. I,

yeah, I would actually say, cause I like the passing. There's so much passing. What's kind of what with formula one, where the Mercedes and Ferrari are just so much better than everybody else. It kind of comes down to the two of them. And every year, since I've been watching since 2015, so I'm new to the sport.

Italian GP right here. Yes, that's DiVizioso, Marc Marquez, I believe. You know these guys? Yeah. Wow. So Marc Marquez, the guy in second place, he's the Jordan of the sports right. Really? DiVizioso's actually in third

I don't know who's in first so those that's a Ducati a Honda Ducati and I think a Suzuki do you ride I did

for three months out here I always wanted to ride my parents would never let me so finally out here I took a motorcycle safety course I got my license and everything and then I had a bike

for like two months and it was just LA is not the place to learn how to ride and everyone was texting while driving you want to go to Wyoming I think I want to get

a dirt bike but this is the type of shit like with this racing what I like is like three or four races last year on the final lap there was like

two guys that would pass each other like four or five times like that shit right there final lap, there was like two guys that would pass each other like four or five times. Like that shit right there. So then you try to come on the brakes, the latest on the brakes, but not overshoot the turn. I mean, there's just so much shit that you sort of learn as you're watching. I still don't know shit about it, but these guys are fucking incredible.

Would you be into going to a track? Learning how to ride on a track? That seems like the safest way to do it. Absolutely. That is the way to do it. And then wear all of that gear and then have fun and you can open up. Dean sent me a video today. This guy in a Porsche that could go 200 miles an hour.

But he fucking does it on a highway. And it's just like, you're going to kill somebody or kill yourself. It's like, take that thing to the track. Yeah, don't do that. And God forbid you hit some debris. what's going to happen to your car like you i just think i think there's a lot of people that buy high performance shit that go into a track either is not available it doesn't enter their mind like something like myself like it wasn't until i started watching racing i kind of learned a little bit about it like oh there's like a track you know out in the inland empire you know there's there's a day where the like the general public can come down and or

whatever you can pay to rent the track and it's kind of like you know a lot of these guys you see driving around in ferraris if you ever the only time i ever drove a ferrari was i drove one on the track it was fucking unbelievable like how hard you could stomp on the brakes without the thing locking up and you're trying to impress the guy you're riding with, and you think you just want to be like flooring it and blah, blah, blah. And what you really want to be doing is smoothly going around. The smoother you go, both on the gas and braking, then it becomes like this really finesse thing where it looks like you just grab it by the fucking throat.

Like I said, I only did it one time, but I immediately learned that. It made me appreciate what they were doing a lot more. Plus, it only went around five times, and my fucking brain was like... The G-force and all that? Yeah. I almost felt a little bit... Not sick. I just felt a little fucked up.

Like, I'm going to sit down here for a couple of seconds, not say it to any of the guys I'm driving with. Fine. Fine. I could do that all day. Jamie, pull up Porsche Rally Driving, the dirt road Porsche drivers. Those are the guys that are reading left, right, left, right, right, left. They have a notebook. You need a driver next to you that's got a notebook.

That looks like a lot of fun. Apparently, that's a great way to learn how to really drive, too, is on the dirt. Same with dirt bikes because you slide a lot of fun. Apparently that's a great way to learn how to really drive too is on the dirt. Same with dirt bikes because you slide a lot. So you learn how to countersteer and you learn how to handle the weight out back as it's kicking out and learn how to counter it. I have this weird thing where I am fascinated by machines

and everything that I see I want to learn how to drive it or fly it or whatever. But I'm not a speed guy. I'm just not into, like... Because you're smart. Going fast is... I don't know.

It's dangerous. I like chilling. Yeah, these guys. See the guys? There's the guy with the book. This is a regular road. Look how fucking... So it's got a digital thing telling him what gear he's in.

And here's what fascinates me, is the trust between those two guys. Oh, yeah. Like, this guy... Look how fucking fast he is. This guy is driving like a fucking lunatic and this guy is looking down at his paper. You know when your friend

starts driving like a lunatic, you're looking at him going, dude, slow down, slow down. This is a road. People and trees and cars and houses on both sides. This guy's flying down this fucking road and he's going sideways all the time. You see him counter-steering all the time. We see his ass end kick out like all the time.

Yeah, it's amazing. Oh my God. And how are these fucking people that are so confident they can stand on the side of the road while these maniacs are fucking. I used to think racing was just this stupid mindless thing. And now I think it's one of the coolest sports out there. Oh, it's a very cool sport. It's very, I like driving cars just to feel the mechanical, just the gears moving and all the things that are happening.

I have an old Porsche, a 93, that's no power steering. It doesn't have a radio. It doesn't have anything. That's awesome. And it's all air-cooled, so it sounds like... It's really mechanical. Have you ever seen it? I'll show it to you after we're done.

Is that that red one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I had the key with me here. I'd let you drive it. It's fun. But It's really mechanical. Have you ever seen it? I'll show it to you after we're done. Is that that red one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I had the key with me here. I'd let you drive it. It's fun. But it's not fast. It's the slowest car I have. But it's fun.

It's so fun to drive. Like, you feel everything. You feel every bump. There's nothing between you and the wheels in terms of steering. There's no power. You're steering the wheel all by your hand. It's really hard to steer. It's not that safe either.

You can't make quick turns. You've got to really muscle that motherfucker. I'm into like... Look at these guys! Oh, Jesus Christ! But when I drive... Look at these fucking crazy assholes standing by with these guys. I like the guy with the propeller hat.

He's just like, yep, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm enjoying this though. Look at the fucking height, and this guy catches the ground with two wheels. Oh my God, does it land good? It does land good. That's amazing. But I drive that car to the comedy store. If I want to do like, if I'm really working on something or I really want to be jazzed up for a set, I'll take that car to the comedy store.

Because it's so loud and fucking smoky and Everything's like your whole body you feel it you like you're excited when you get there it's like you're on a stimulant yeah no it's it's uh it's fun man like all of that stuff um look at these guys you should like you know since the last time i did this this show i got to finally fly uh an a-star which which was what the cops and the news guys fly. And that was the coolest thing. A-Star helicopter, we should tell people. Is the coolest thing I've ever flown as far as just the power it had. Compared to what I would.

I fly these little fucking egg beaters or whatever. But I did until all that bullshit happened. But I got one of the last flights I did, I got to fly a buddy of mine who was training me to get my instrument. I passed the test. And then after you pass the test, you have two years. So I still have two years. I have to December of next year to pass it.

So I got to finish that part of it. Did we do a podcast since you took me up? Have you done one since you took me up? I think we did. I think we did, yeah. Did we, Jamie? Yeah. Fuck, that was fun.

We went over downtown LA and you realize how many of those buildings have helicopter spots on the top? Yeah. That was fun, man. It's crazy to me that with a helicopter, you could just kind of go wherever you want to go. Yeah. Just fucking float around. Just go wherever you want to go. Yeah. Just fucking float around. Just go wherever you want to go. Like a hummingbird, you can just stop.

But then what it is is you give up speed. Yeah. For that design. It has all kinds of drag and just the way it's designed for what you want to do with it. You give up speed. So I get envious of planes where even if you get like a Cessna, they can just fly. of planes where even if you get like a Cessna, like they can just fly though.

I mean, I think even like the, some of the smaller ones can fly faster than the, some of the faster helicopters. I mean, you'd have to have like an $8 million helicopter. Maybe that could fly faster, but anything that I've fucked with, you can't come anywhere near,

like most of them, 120, 130 knots. And then it depends on headwind or tailwind. What's a knot to a mile an hour? Well, it's, it's like,

it depends on how the wind, because you can literally be flying 90 knots and have like a fucking 50, not what I fly, but a significant headwind. This is all shit you have to know on the test

and the second you take the test, you fucking, I forget. But you'll actually be going slower. I've had times like, especially out like in like Palm desert and stuff where there's like a venturi with the way the mountains are and when the the wind comes in which can be really scary um as far as how it throws you around you're looking down at the highway with what i fly and they're going faster than you and you're just sitting there like

and then that's when it sucks because also with a helicopter you you the whole you can't just like take your hands off of so you have to you you're literally it's like your Porsche like you're you know my new imagine like trying to parallel park that car even though it's a lighter car it's a nightmare I have a 68 Ford f100 when I first had it I didn't have power steering dude and it was just like I mean I remember when you bought that thing to the ice house that thing is the shit yeah I love that old truck. That's kind of my thing.

I like the trucks, and then I like old, like, not pimp cars. Like, the guy who is a pimp, but he's not a pimp. Like, you know what I mean? Like, not literally a pimp. He doesn't have a stable of bitches, but he's crushing life. Like, I like that car. Like, if I was going to get another car i would get a 67 cadillac eldorado and it's actually the color that i loved that was in that

the tarantino movie but somebody was selling one and i swear to god if by the time i saw the youtube video was already sold i would have bought that fucking car it's the most gangster man's car like just the back end of that car, it's perfection. I absolutely love that fucking car. It's a beautiful car. 67 Eldorado. Would you get a convertible or a regular? No, I hate convertibles.

Do you really? All convertibles? Yeah, I'm a little sexist with the convertible. There's one convertible that I like, the one that I have, the 65 Corvette. No, that's a 70. No, no, that's- What year is that? It's the car that the woman playing Margot, what's her name, Margot Robbie.

There it is, there it is, there it is, there it is. Right there. It looks like it's green there, but I think it was blue. Not that one. No, not that one. The guy with the suspenders, right to the left of that. Right here. Yeah.

That one there? That car. Oh, wow. You got to right to the left of that. Right here. Yeah. That one there? That car. Oh, wow. You got to see the back end of that car. That's a late, the 67 or 68 or something like that. But the back end, look up 67 Cadillac Eldorado rear end. This is what I do while you're learning how to train a fucking bear to ride a bicycle. I look at this shit.

Oh, wow. Click on that first one. Click on the first one. We can see a little bit of the side of the car. I mean, look at that. That's beautiful. That is beautiful. You need one of those in your life, Bill.

I do. I need you driving one of those. This is what I love about my wife. I'll show her that. I go, what do you think about that? She's like, that's a fucking good looking car. She would be cool if I got something like that, I think. For sure. Yeah. But look at that color color i'm too fair skin to drive that you need olive skin no more you could pull it off you could pull it off you need one of them paper boy hats though

now that that thing would that thing would fucking that thing would blend too much in with my beard i just look like it'd be the ginger mobile. What color would you get? There's a year they got, there's a, there's a blue that they have. It's not that blue. It's more, it's more of a,

look at that red one. Click on that red one in the middle, but look at the front end. And like when your lights are flipped out, look at that thing. God, look how good that looks in red. That's a fucking beautiful car.

Oh, but the lines on that car, that's just like, and then that's the kind of car, I mean, you're not going to smoke a cigar driving down the street riding that fucking thing. You have to. Yeah. That's beautiful. I think I'm going to get one. Get one. I know.

Boy, am I going to put it. Then I'm going to be that guy with the fucking garage. Put it here. You can park it here. I'll give you a key. I got plenty of room. Hey, alright. Dude. This is why you're the number one podcast in the world. I'm trying to help people.

I'm trying to encourage irresponsible behavior. Yeah, and if you continue to own your podcast, you can buy something like that, and if you don't, your fucking agent will buy that. Yeah, I love them. I love Cadillac convertibles too, though. I don't like muscle car convertibles after a certain...

Like that Corvette that I have out there. You've seen that silver one. I love that in a convertible. But that has an aftermarket suspension, an aftermarket frame. I've seen all those cars. The fact that the old ones, the frame, there's too much bounce. There's too much shake and wiggle. You have to have an aftermarket chassis, there's too much bounce. There's too much shake and wiggle. You have to have like an aftermarket chassis.

It's far stiffer. They make it so that it's like very, very rigid. It doesn't bounce around nearly as much. Yeah, didn't they used to make like a sway bar or something that you would put in there? Because I know in my truck, when I take a turn, I have to grab underneath the seat and hang on so I don't slide into the door. They can upgrade your coilovers and stuff like that and put a better suspension on it so it handles i have a nice balance of a little bit of modern on it and still fighting it so you feel like because it still shifts on the column which i think is badass but then when i get on the

highway i gotta stay in the right lane you know three on the tree right yeah do you have disc brakes on it do you swap disc brakes out i had uh it it had it had just the shoes on it. The drums? The drum brakes, yeah. And then I converted those. Christopher Titus helped me with those. And then what did I do after that? I switched out the radiator because they tended to run hot, so they put an aluminum one in.

And what else did we do to it? Titus used to have. Power brakes and then power steering. Titus used to have. Power brakes and then power steering. Titus used to have a sweet, I think it was a 55 Chevy that they made for him on the show Rides. It was incredible. Oh, that Chip Foose car, right? Yeah, I think Chip Foose made it, yeah. It was incredible, though.

I don't know if he still has it. He might have lost it when he got divorced and all that jazz. No, I think he got it back. Did he? I think he got it back. But I like those. See if he still has it. He might have lost it when he got divorced and all that jazz. No, I think he got it back. Did he? I think he got it back. But I like those. See if you can find it. Christopher Titus' car.

I like those Restomod cars. It's sort of the perfect. There it is. There it is. Look at that fucking thing. Yeah, it's pretty wild. God damn. That is a work of art.

God, it's beautiful. It's all very modified, too. It's a 1956 Bel Air custom by Chip Foose. heart god it's beautiful that's it's all very modified too 56 bel-air custom for by chip foos go down jamie into that one on the left hand right there with titus right there i think that's him yeah look at that fuck i mean that's a badass car fuck that is incredible that car is incredible like when do you like look at that or drive that and not smile? Yeah. That's what I,

I don't know. I like also, I'm into those cab over engine fucking trucks. I like weird shit. What's a cab over engine? What is that? Look those up.

Those are, those were the trucks 40s and 50s and the reason why they had that was there was some weird law where they didn't want

trucks to get too long. So then that affected the... So they kept the tractor-trailer long, and then they put the engine... Cab over engine is what it stands for. Oh, so the engine's below you while you're sitting there. Yeah, so if you look at some of the ones that people have fixed up, they're fucking wild. That is wild. Look at that thing.

Yeah. Wow. But the thing is, if you do a gig in like Wyoming, you can find an all original one just like sitting in like junkyards and shit. Look at that fucking thing. God damn, that's beautiful. Like I always wish like one of those car shows like Fast and Loud, the ones that I've watched throughout the years, I always wish that somebody would do one of those.

I had that guy on the podcast. He was awesome. Yeah. He brought his own tequila. Oh, there's another great one from when I was a kid. That yellow one down, that's a Ford. That's a Ford? Yep.

I love those because that was like the fire engines looked like that thing. But it's like, what would you do with it? Drive around. Take it to the store. It's for sale. Gateway Classic cars. I know. But that's like the dumb shit.

I like those. You like those kind of. The GMC RV from Stripes and you gotta do it in the Palm Desert fucking the Ron Burgundy green. You like very odd cars. Yeah, well at first

I think you're into Mustangs and you're into fucking like the GTOs and the ones you're supposed to like and then I'll ignore what you just did there. We're done. And then, I mean, look at that. You got to get the interior on that fucking thing. It's a Scooby-Doo mobile.

That's the mystery mobile. No, they had a van. Okay, click on the one. You're on the right, the lower left, all the way to the lower left from the cluster on the right. Yeah. Is that it?

Click on that fucking thing. No, that's not it. Is that it? Click on that fucking thing. No, that's not it. Is that one there? No. Which one do you want? It's the best green one they have. Just click. There it is.

Look at that. And inside, it looks like a Ron Burgundy suit. Like it's the green plaid type shit. Get a little humidor in there. Drive around, do some fun. Look at that. I mean, look at that. Come on, man. That's the type shit. Get a little humidor in there, drive around, do some fun. Look at that. I mean,

look at that. Come on, man. That's the fucking shit. So you like those old cars like GTOs and Firebirds. I like all of those, but like what I don't like about them is the baby boomers like them and they have a zillion dollars. So then all of a sudden it's like,

you know, this is a Mustang Shelby. I'm going to start the business at then all of a sudden it's like you know this is a mustang shelby i'm gonna start the bidding at 250 000 it's like oh fuck yourself so i like uh you know i like a 65 ford galaxy that's what frank murphy season four episode family that's what he drives uh i like station wagons have you ever seen those icon thrift masters do you know what that is um jonathan ward the guy from icon he takes uh an old thrift master and uh redoes it and completely from the bottom up it's the fucking most incredible car it drives like a car but look at that it looks insane look at that thing they and they they do it from the bottom up so it's

all like modern brakes modern suspension beautiful and that's what I love but then when you go in inside I want it to look like the year that that truck was look at that silver one the one that right above your cursor yeah look at that yeah I've seen actually I looked at one I accidentally came upon that one that's beautiful I got another one it's's a weird one. Look up GMC. I always forget what the name of these things were. Parade of Progress. That's what it's called?

I figure they would drive these things like elephants into town. They were like a living room, giant like truck slash RV thing. What the fuck are these things called? There you go. Parade of that thing? Look at that fucking thing. What the fuck? How do you even know about this so so the great thing is you open the door and there's like a spiral staircase where you you go up and in there what they usually had was back in the day because they would open it up on

the side they would they would drive them in like elephants and make like a semicircle and people would walk in what is that i don't know what i don't know what they have in there that's a yeah that's an airplane engine or something why is there an airplane engine in the middle of that i don't know because somebody oh they customized it power for the air age i think they were it was this weird sort of uh after world war ii see there they are in the black and white there they are like driving it in driving them into town and look at the steering wheel you were right in the center and there was like a little spiral staircase that you walked up.

God. Those things go for like, I forget how much, like two, three million bucks or something. Really? Oh, that's 1936. It says Parade of Progress, so it shows you what I know.

Look at that motherfucker. Yeah, that's just weird. Holy shit. That's what you want. One of those, a rolling podcast studio. No, that shit is too weird but I

I appreciate it like when you know that old BMW where the the whole front of the car opens up and you got

the steering wheel like goes out like disconnects and goes out with the front I haven't seen that one alright I just

it would help if I knew the names of the cars the steering wheel disconnects mm-hmm it's a Assetto. A BMW Assetto.

I just know Steve Urkel had it in Family Matters. That's all I know about it. That's it? Yeah. Look at this. So how you get in is you like open the front.

Oh, yeah. Click on the red one. There it is. Yeah. Whoa. See, and there's the steering wheel. Oh, does it disconnect? There's something weird.

No, it seems like the steering wheel stays put, but it looks like it disconnects. That's crazy. Well, maybe like it adjusts and comes back. You enter through the front. So if you get in a front end collision, you got to kick the windows out to get out of the car.

Yeah, and it's three wheels too. There's one wheel. Look at Urkel. Urkel. I forgot about Urkel. See, his came off in the car. I met him one time. He's like the coolest fucking guy ever.

I heard he's really nice I guess it bends over there do you see how it's turned down to the side oh it bends and then you step over it whoa

yeah I knew there was something wow there was something about the steering wheel yeah there's a lot of weird shit out there but you like weird stuff

you're not necessarily like you you you have an aversion to cool things no it's like if you get into music if you really get into a band like if you're into acdc right can you really listen to you shook me all night long again okay you're like no dude you got to listen to what's next to the moon get it hot some of them you know or like uh cod like i like after a while

you're just like all right you know like i would say shook me all night long is the mustang gt of acdc songs and it's just like if you're out here there's a zillion mustangs but it's like you after a while you want you want to see you know it's part of human beings you want something a little bit different it's a little different it's cooler like i kind of learned from fast and loud that the um was it the ford Ford Falcon or something had the same chassis as the fucking Mustang. But like, it's just a way cooler car because everybody goes for like the Mustang. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to spend all that money and then some other fucking asshole shows up and he has one too.

That doesn't bother me. Bugs me. It's like when you're in a comedy club and then even if somebody just touches on the topic, you're like, ah, fuck, I can't talk about that. Yes. I get that. Because then it becomes like, oh, they all do that. I get that.

But there's a reason why everybody loves Mustangs. I love them too. But I have this weird thing where I love the interior up to 66, but I like the back end on 60. 67, 68? Yeah. I like that back end, but that's when they got the shit steering wheel. The steering wheel in the 60s looks like an old school steering wheel.

And that one that they have in 67 or 68 was when they first came out with that one. That one starts to look like, oh, cars are going to get ugly now, quickly. The last muscle car that I vividly remember the last year would probably be the 70 Camaro with that shark nose front tooth. Oh, yeah. i like that that i that i i vividly remember like the last year would probably be the 70 camaro with like that shark nose front tooth i like that and then there's a few there's a buick riviera the boat tail from the early 70s that i like um i'm really into those big two-door sedan sort of like uh you know he's his own man kind of car. Do you agree with the era type deal? I love those cars. I fucking love those cars and, you know,

I'm trying to think, like, there's a few cars in the 80s that really tapers off though but I like Ford trucks right up into 86. I didn't like

when they did the first, that first design of the aerodynamic headlights I didn't like but then there was one in the early 90s, the one OJ had, that front end

on his Bronco, that one is the shit. Yeah, the one OJ had, that front end on his Bronco. Yeah. That one is the shit. Yeah. I saw one yesterday. Yeah. Exactly like OJ's. Mm-hmm.

Like, totally restored. I like muscle cars up into 71. 71 seems like the last year. Like, 71 Barracuda is still a really nice car. Mm-hmm. Then it gets into 72, they start looking sketchy. 73, they look sketchy. After 73, they're useless.

They kept the model name, and then it was just completely de-balled. Like when your friend starts going out with just some total cunt, and all of a sudden he can't hang out anymore. There was that era. The Mustang II Cobra. Once they got into the 80s

with Mustangs, they were useless. Late 70s, early 80s. Once the gas crisis hit, they started making economical Mustangs, Mustangs that didn't eat so much gas. They were useless. It's a hard fall. If you go from 67 to 77, it's like, what the fuck happened to you? Also, the Mustang got all fat, like the Mach 1 and everything.

It kind of got into its Elvis years. what the fuck happened to you? And also the Mustang got all fat, like the Mach 1 and everything. It just, it was like kind of got into its Elvis years, you know. Hey, I'm the Mustang. I'm resting on my laurels here. Well, there's no pizzazz to them, you know, like late 70s, 79 Mustang. There's no pizzazz. This is how bad it went. It became so quickly. If you watch like the, remember when they had the Game Show

Network? I used to love that because I was fascinated with prices, you know, and like they would be like uh like they actually tried to pass off a chevy vega as a sports car really and these people were losing their minds and i remember the chevy vega like a lot of like you know guys who knew shit about cars back in the day they would try to like jam corvette engines into because they couldn't afford a corvette so they but, but they knew about how to build cars and stuff. Vegas were real light too. Yeah, there was always somebody had one of those,

like an El Camino up on blocks. I'm going to finish that someday, man. Yeah, and the El Camino is a rare breed of person that wants a pickup truck that's fucked a Chevelle. That's really what it is. It's like a Chevelle front end. It looks good in the front, and then you get to the back. And then That's really what it is. It's like a Chevelle front end. It looks good in the front. And then you get to the back, like, oh.

And then the early, the 80s. Look at that. Look at that Vega. Yeah, that was considered sporty. That was back before girls had butts. Well, girls with butts didn't get put on TV. Isn't that funny? Yeah.

That's another amazing thing. Like, how do we, what happened when we realized, was it Sir Mix-a-Lot? Like, what woke us up yeah he made the ass mainstream i'm gonna give him credit might have been before that who else was it it was all about tits yeah white guys were running shit and it was about tits i don't know why it was all about about titties. Something happened. Something happened, and it became, asses became really important. Became a big deal. Yeah, because now the fake ass, I think, is probably more prevalent than the fake titty.

Remember by the 90s was sort of the apex of the fake titty? You'd watch porn, and the tit almost looked like bloodshot. There'd be veins on the side. They'd stretch the skin. You see, oh, yeah. That was really bad. That was a really bad. You have Fat Bottom Girls before that.

Yeah. But it wasn't much before it. But that was just a song. I don't think, yeah, they didn't, he was still Freddie Mercury prancing around in the video, I think. Yeah. Good song, though. Yeah.

What was it? Like, who was like, it wasn't jennifer lopez god bless god bless him because i was always an ass man always i always just felt like that was the nucleus of a woman if she had a nice ass the rest of her body was gonna be nice i didn't give a shit he got a cup tasty great they won't be hanging on your fucking knees when i'm 50 bald smoking a cigar doing a podcast. It's weird, though, that the shape caught on. It's very strange. Like, what guys are attracted to changed. Well, I think because white people were so dominant with fucking owning everything that their idea of beauty became the standard.

Right, but white guys' idea of beauty changed too. That's what's strange. I would say it's somewhere, yo MTV raps, somewhere around there. I'm just making up shit. Somewhere around there. I'm going to give Ed Lover and the other Dr. Dre credit. I think it happened around the same time girls lost their pubes.

Because when we were in high school, everyone had pubes. Even in college, everyone had pubes. The apex of pubes was the 70s. Yeah, but in the 80s they had it too. But you were proud of your pubes in the 70s. Yeah? Dude, I remember

you'd go to the fucking public pool and the chicks had the... There was shit coming out the sides. I remember like you'd go to the fucking public pool and the chicks had like the there was like shit coming out the sides I remember thinking when I was a little kid like oh my god

I can see your pubes yeah pubes were hot yeah now pubes are disgusting there was muffs yeah if you're a girl and you got a full bush now you're a dangerous woman but then i would say that that was probably dr jay in the aba crossing over

made women proud of their muffs what just my job i mean there's no research we just started talking just making this up but there's a there is a clear shift that happened it's just like what happened what what made that clear shift porn caused the people to get rid of the pubes that's definitely what happened because porn led the way they they trim the pubes first and then everybody trimmed the pubes and now it went too far yeah now no one has pubes no then it went too far yeah too far yeah like a like a little bush. Yeah, I would like, yeah, you should look like a woman. Yeah, yeah. Not like a cancer patient.

Yeah. Yeah. Listen, if you're banging me, I'm just happy. Happy you showed up. God bless you. Take it on for the team. Yeah, you can find beauty in everything. But when I was a kid, I mean, everyone had pubes.

It was a thing. It is a, that's a a weird weird moment in our culture that we all just decided pubes are disgusting i think more that they need to be maintained yes if there's going to be a camera an eighth of an inch from it and then gynecological. Yeah. So... So what's this movie you did? I did this movie.

It's called The King of Staten Island. Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson. Look at your mustache. Oh, you need one of those in your life. Why don't you grow one of those? Keep it. It was really annoying to eat with because Club Sodany told me i because

he was the guy i was saying am i doing this this right here because there's a whole way to grow it where it's like he goes all right he goes if you're gonna do the cop fireman one he goes the hair has to go over the over your top lip and kenny had all these great old ids from when he was a cop and What is this movie about? It's sort of autobiographical of Pete Davidson's life where he's playing

a kid whose dad is a firefighter who died in a fire. It's not 9-11 like Pete's real dad and it's basically his mom hasn't dated. They just sort of froze, which I, you know, I think was something that kind of happened in his family. And then all of a sudden his mother started dating and it was weird for him. So basically his mother, you know, through whatever circumstances I want to ruin it, I end up meeting her after me and Pete, you know,

his character, I don't like his, and I'm coming to his house to fucking yell or whatever. And then I see his mom played by Marissa Tomei. And then all of a sudden, you know, you know, we click or whatever, we start dating, whatever. And then he fucking hates it and the comedy ensues. But it's, you know, it's got a lot of heart, you know, it's not a hundred percent comedy, know it's not 100% comedy but yeah Marissa Tomei

Dom Lombardozzi Steve Buscemi no it's streaming everywhere except Netflix it's gonna be like it's like that movie that kid movie Trolls whatever they did

is what Universal is doing with this one where it's gonna be anywhere where you can stream movies so it was supposed to be in the movie theater it was gonna be

in the movie theater and then all this stuff happened so then uh people who make movies are deciding uh we're going to hold on to some of this stuff which they're doing with some movies this thing fortunately they're going to put out there it is apple tv verizon youtube google play amazon prime basically why wouldn't netflix hop on board with this come on netflix um i don't think it's a come on Netflix thing. I think eventually it'll probably end up there. But I think first they do this.

This is the way they're going to get their box office, I guess. You get it on Microsoft. How many people are buying movies on Microsoft? You'd be surprised. I would be. That's why I'm asking. There would be. I would think.

That's such an easy answer. You'd be surprised. That was like a political answer. I had no answer for you, so I went with that. Let the record show, many people are buying it on Microsoft. Yeah, so... Do you think this is a good thing, that movies are being forced to stream? I kind of like it.

I mean, I don't want movie theaters to go under, but I do like the option of being able to watch a newly released movie at home yeah i think everything's going to adapt but i don't think the movie theater is ever going to go away because i i i still enjoy going to the movies it's also it's a way to get out of the house you get a sitter you reconnect with your wife that's right we're friends popcorn this is fun all of a sudden your jokes come back right you're having fun oh my anytime i hang with my wife like if if we get like a couple days away it the magic instant oh yeah instant comes back and then when we get back to the house it's like the grind again and we just start laughing we gotta remember you gotta remember those two days

so the key is to have those two day little things enough that you don't forget it so you don't start fucking growing apart you guys do date nights yeah yeah I like nights for my wife we were doing them when I was when I was at the store all the time when comedy was up I was doing them on Saturday night because she didn't have to get up early in the morning for the kids take the kids to school so she could be rested and refreshed didn't have to go to school the next day so didn't have to get up on Sunday. So it was a good day. So I just would take Sunday off of stand-up.

Yeah. And we do date nights. And this is the thing. As much as women seem impossible to guys, especially someone like me with all of my fucking issues, it's like just something like that does wonders. Yeah. For your connection. Does wonders.

Yeah. For your connection. And then we also had like once a week we were doing like, before we got pregnant again, we were doing a family dinner. And that was the best. And what we were going to was a bunch of like just mom and pop places in like the Valley and out in Pasadena and stuff like that. These places that are just, you know, legendary in, you know, in that area, but they don't have a chain. So it's cool because you feel like you're giving, you know, regular people money and business

and we would go there and like, that was a big thing when I was growing up before you had all these screens and all of this shit, going out to dinner with your family. Yeah. I remember being excited. They used to have this chain in Massachusetts. Remember Pewter Pot?

Yeah. They basically, they made muffins. Somehow they were a chain that made muffins and then they expanded into having full dinners and everything was made out of wood. It was very like a seventies. And that was like a big thing. My dad came up, we're going to Pewter Pot tonight. And you were like psyched. And I would always get whatever, like cheeseburger and fries and then a blueberry muffin. Such a weird weird order but i was a kid and you wouldn't get fat it was fucking awesome so i want my kids to have a little bit of that that sort of um i don't know i'm probably romancing it but i think it's it's because it was for my childhood but i think it's an important thing to do shit like that yeah i'm a big fan of mom and pop restaurants. There's a place we used to go to in Woodland Hills called Brandywine and the owner, Peggy

and Chris, the owners, there was the owners, one, the female owner was the chef and the male owner was the maitre d'. And they were a married couple. They'd been together forever. And they went, when we met them, they were probably, I want to say, in their 70s, like pretty deep in their 70s. They were already fairly along. Pretty far down the road there. And then they eventually sold the place.

They sold the place. It was sad. And then some new people bought it, but I think it went under now. But it was a great little place, a small place. It didn't seat very many people. Do you know I get over that sadness? I get over it because that shit really used to depress me. What I look at was like, you know, when they opened this restaurant and they were young,

there was old people that were upset about whatever they cleared out. And it just happens. You know what I mean? Well, I was just upset that I couldn't see them. I just enjoyed their company. It was always, you know, we had been going there for 10 years. It was one of those places. Well, what I do is I take the humanity out of it, Joe.

It's a cycle of life. It's just like the praying mantis and the lizard. I know, dude. I tell you, this fucking, this fucking, this whole quarantine thing really, like, I never realized what a fucking idiot I am. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, you're telling me this. Just everything I'm doing Why the fuck did I just do this Why did this need To fucking be on here You wanted to Why Joe No big deal

You're a clean freak or something Look at me I'm cutting up his ashes Like it's coke That takes me back to Chelsea Going around the apex I have a cocaine memory from I never did coke

But of this lady doing it. I was coming home from Kelly's Roast Beef. Joe Rogan on coke. Wow. That's what I'm saying. I'm smart enough to realize it's not for me. Well, what about me? Yeah.

We were driving. I can snap on weed. I don't need to be doing coke. We eat an espresso and you're ready to fight. We were driving back from Kelly's Roast Beef. Do you remember Kelly's Roast Beef in Revere? Yeah. Great.

You know what's so funny? I don't think I ever went there. Really? I drove by it a million times. I was going by Cappy's Liquors on the way up to the Kowloon. Kelly's Roast Beef was great. Remember Cappy's Liquors? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, near the Kowloon. Yeah, you drive up there. Kelly's Roast Beef had clams, too. Didn't they have clams? Those fried clams I always that was one of those places I meant to get to

I always meant to get to that and then that steakhouse with the giant cactus oh yeah that's right that place what the fuck was that place called

Hilltop Steakhouse yes and I was gonna eat there someday I always asked my I just loved the cows the fake cows out front and we were living

on the north shore then so we would drive my dad into work, and we would always go down Route 1, and we would go buy that. And I would think, like, you know. And there was also a hockey rink up there that had a Bruins emblem that they were allowed to use before, like, all the corporate people were like, you can't use our logo. So that Bruins thing.

And I was convinced that's where the Bruins practiced. I went to Hilltop Steakhouse once, and it was, for some reason, I have it connected in my mind with a boxing match that was on TV because I was so bummed out. Sugar Ray Leonard fought Terry Norris. I know that name, I should say. Terry Norris was a monster. So was Sugar Ray when he was in his prime, but he got older,

and he fought Terry Norris, and Terry Norris was a monster. So was Sugar Ray when he was in his prime, but he got older and he fought Terry Norris, and Terry Norris was a fucking, just a demon. He was so good, and Sugar Ray just had no business fighting him. And I remember eating food, just being bummed out, just thinking, fuck, is this just what happens to all these guys? They all decide, they all decide, one more fight more fight one more fight let me let me do it and he came back and beat a few see if you can find that. Can you imagine if your body broke down in round 35 you couldn't do stand-up anymore you definitely try to go for one more set.

Yeah but it's different it's different. It is I thought it was the same you're right it's different. Terry Norris was in his prime and he was just so fast and elite. And Sugar Ray was just, I want to say he was like 38 or something like that. I don't know how old he was, but it was hard to watch. From Madison Square Garden to New York City. But that's not something, when I think of Sugar Ray Leonard, I don't think. I mean, what about that division he was in? Oh, my God.

Hagler, Hearns, Duran and Leonard I mean well he fought Hagler long you know I mean he came back and fought Hagler and then Hagler retired after that one loss he just like I'm good but it was just watching Terry Norris yeah he went to Italy started making movies yeah hilarious movies I got a buddy of mine that is convinced that fight was fixed I think by the Italian mob and then his payoff was they gave him a movie career in Italy

it might be true your buddy might be right there's something about it that I've watched I'm like man it almost looks like Hager's taking something off of his punches

and also I just don't see him doing that I don't see him ever doing that that's why but I also didn't see him retiring like that

I think he might have gotten fucked on a decision on that fight. Because that fight, I really felt, could have gone. I was such a Hearns, I'm a Hagler fan. And I also, what about Tommy Hearns? Being as tall as he was, but could make that weight. When he fought Sugar Ray, I think he was only 22.

And he was 147. Sugar Ray stopped him after Angelo Dundee gave him that speech in the corner. You're blowing it, kid. Remember that? I'll never forget that. You know what I remember? One of the greatest ones I saw a corner guy was that Corrales Castillo fight. Oh.

And when he gets in the corner and he'd been knocked down for like, I don't know how many times, kept spitting out his mouthpiece and they took away a point or something. He goes into his corner and I remember his manager or whatever you call the guy is in the corner. He goes, you better fucking get inside now. I don't even know what that means. I forget he said that. And then this fucking guy, Charlie Murphy, rest his soul, told me about that fight. He's like, Bill, you got to see this fight.

He goes, I woke up my whole family. It was a wild ass fight. And he actually, Charlie, he was such a funny guy, man. He hurt his foot. That's how much he was into it. Like when he came back after getting knocked down and then knocked out the other guy. I always forget, Corrales Castillo. Corrales is the guy who won that fight, right?

Well, they fought more than once, I believe. Diego Corrales. Yeah, he is the guy that won that fight right well they fought more than once I believe Diego Corrales yeah he's the guy and he died on a motorcycle exactly that's what I was gonna say

yeah terrible I'll tell you an underrated fight when I back this is back when I had time

I used to watch this shit was Evander Holyfield versus Michael Doakes oh yeah do you remember that fight that was a great one that was a great fight

Holyfield had so many great fights. What do you think? He was a... That guy was a warrior. Is. Yeah. He's coming back. Oof. Do you know that? I don't want to see that. He's training. Mike Tyson's training. They're both training.

In their 50s. Yeah, here it is. Michael Doakes. Yeah, it was... I mean, it's just amazing how much longevity holyfield had and holyfield started as a cruiserweight i remember when he beat dwight muhammad kawi for the cruiserweight title and then uh gained all this weight to go up i remember when he was a cruiserweight in the 80s when i was lifting and i was young and all that shit i was like that's that's the body i want that's what i'm going for of course i couldn't get it but i like, that's the body I want. That's what I'm going for. Of course, I couldn't get it, but I was like, that's the shape I want to be in.

How stupid do I look if I fucking look like that? Oh, you look amazing. Going on stage, telling jokes. Just wear something that covers it up a little bit. What, a poncho? Going out with a big square body. Outlawed Josie Wales. Yeah.

Outlawed Josie Wales poncho. Yeah, you flip it over and you got a Mikey to take it out. Yeah, oh my God, this is round 10. Look at the people standing up. I mean, this shit was just, they just, oh! Oh, man. Now watch Stokes. Oh, right hand, that's it.

They stop it. That was it. Richard Steele. Richard Steele was the same guy that stopped Julio Cesar Chavez and Meljik Taylor with like two seconds left to go in the final round. When Meljik Taylor was up on the fight and Julio Cesar Chavez dropped him, Meljik Taylor got up and Richard Seale was like, are you ready to go on? Dude, he has more muscle in his trapeze, whatever the fuck that's called, than traps I have in my whole fucking body.

He was a specimen specimen holyfield was a specimen what's interesting about holyfield too he was like the first guy that ever really put weight on successfully like he had this uh this crazy strength and conditioning program that he did to go up to heavyweight where you know he was fairly thin when he was a cruiserweight and started lifting weights and lifting weights back then most people thought lifting weights was terrible for you there was a lot that was a big thing in basketball don't lift weights it's gonna fuck up your shot they thought you were gonna like send the ball past the well you know what it is it's from being stiff and sore when you're stiff and sore it does fuck you up it's it fucks you up with boxing it fucks you up

everything but it's a matter of doing it correctly so that your body recovers enough so that when you actually fight, you're not stiff and sore, but you have all that extra muscle. So this is great, by the way. It's good. Cars, fights, cigars. Cigars. Praying mantises. Men stuff.

Come on. Yes. I love it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That era of boxing, man, those are the golden era when we were kids. My God.

You know, ABC, Wide World of Sports. Yeah. You get up and watch the fights. Yeah. boxing man those are the the golden era when we were kids my god you know abc wide world of sports get up and watch the fights yeah i remember watching the leon spinks uh muhammad ali they showed it on tv must have been a replay i remember watching that and just kept thinking muhammad ali was going to come back it was the one that he lost yeah uh against leon spinks. I also remember the Mike Tyson, Michael Spinks fight. And I remember the pizza didn't even get there. And I remember my buddy was all excited. Dude, my dad ordered the fight. And they had just finished their basement.

And we went downstairs and we were sitting there to watch it. It was over in like 90 seconds. And I just remember my buddy, he got off the couch and he was on all fours, like an inch from the TV, just screaming, what the fuck? What the fuck?

Because we didn't understand. There wasn't the education, mainstream education of what a body blow did to you. So unless somebody got hit in the head and their mouthpiece went flying, we didn't understand because that last shotty

was a hook to the body and you didn't understand. Like literally their internal organs just slammed to the other side of their rib cage. You didn't understand that that was happening. Here it is. Here's the whole fight. Yeah this was an amazing amazing moment because Spinks was another guy who went up from light heavyweight beat Larry Holmes and then became the heavyweight champion then was fighting Tyson but yeah we were yelling to Spinks' jinx, because we just wanted to, we were rooting for Tyson, but we wanted to see a fight. Spinks had a good right hand, but he just,

you could see he's paralyzed here. I mean, he's fighting a guy that's just so much bigger than him, and he's getting smashed. Mike Tyson was just such a force of nature at the time. Yeah. Spinks just really had no business fighting legitimate heavyweights. He fought Larry Holmes when Larry was past his prime. And, you know, he beat Larry by decision.

Oh, I thought he beat him bad. No. I thought like that was like, oh, no, you know what I'm thinking of was the time Holmes fought Ali. Yes, that was bad. And he was looking over at the ref like, what the fuck, are you going to stop this? That was bad. People to the end of Larry Holmes' career didn't appreciate him because of that. They loved Ali so much. So you heard him with this right hand here, and then he's swarming on him. That was me. People to the end of Larry Holmes' career didn't appreciate him because of that.

They loved Ali so much. So you heard him with this right hand here, and then he's swarming on him. I remember seeing this video of Muhammad Ali promoting. Here it is right here. Boom, body shot. He goes down. Spinks gets up. Referee gives him an eight count.

He says, I'm fine. Oh oh I thought he went down on that one that was a body shot and then he gets hit with a right hand right here Tyson steps there it is see I forgot about that he's just like fuck this man fuck this do you realize the fucking

balls it takes to fucking walk oh you do you did it Jesus Christ I mean those guys you walk into an arena shirtless

scary that's fucking amazing what's really scary is it's like you think about it for weeks and weeks up to it and obviously

I never did it at this level but at that level when the whole world is watching and you know that this is just an enormous moment and you know that this is a just an

enormous moment and you just got waylaid by one of the greatest heavyweights of all time and flattened that was a crazy you know i was watching about the uh he was so fun to watch because he annoyed so many people because he was so cocky and he had such a weird style as that that prince uh not oh my god is that guy fun to watch oh he was amazing you know tyson had syph weird style as that Prince... Oh, my God, is that guy fun to watch. Oh, he was amazing. You know, Tyson had syphilis or something like that in that fight. No, that was Buster Douglas. Did he?

Yeah, he had the clap or something. I think it was this fight. I think it was the fight he won. Yeah. When he fought Buster Douglas, he just didn't train very hard for it. He really was just dominating everybody and just took it for granted and buster he still almost won still dropped buster and to this day like if you watch that fight when buster's

down it's more than 10 seconds yeah but the thing was he didn't go to the corner fast enough i thought and he picked up the count i thought he would have got up i don't know i remember where i was when i watched that i remember all of that shit. I was at my buddy Mitch's house. We were upstairs on his fucking square TV. And I was like, you know, because you cheer for the underdog. And he was all bummed out going, I want to see Mike lose. And I was just like,

I didn't realize what I had lost as a sports fan because you're losing greatness. Not that he's not great, but you know what I mean? You wanted to see that undefeated keep going thing and then afterwards you know, it's a weird thing. But the Buster Douglas in that fight,

do you know the whole story behind it? His mom died. And he was devastated. And so he was always a really, really talented guy that just didn't work hard enough. But that fight he trained like a motherfucker. He trained like a real champion. And he came out. Yeah, didn't want to face, didn't want to think about it, so he probably just focused on... Well, is that maybe also he was doing it, he was dedicating it to his mom.

But he threw some beautiful punches. Once again, the human element that I just remove. I'm a robot. I am. I am. Is this what you're finding out from the pandemic, being locked up and having too much alone time? Yeah, I understand. I understand my anger now.

I don't know how to fix it, but I understand it. What is it? What is your anger? It's feeling like I'm not going to be heard. And things are going to go in a way I don't want them to be. So the second there's a suggestion different than mine I catastrophize in my head and I don't just go be like well you know actually I can't do that because I'm doing Joe's podcast

maybe I could do that tomorrow I just hear the information and feel like I have no power and then I go oh what the fuck and then my wife's like I just asked a question and then I am so fucking up here I have to like it only takes me like two minutes.

And then I come in, I put my head to the side of her head and I just go, I'm sorry. I don't want to tell you, you married a fuck up. You blew it. You're not good at reading people. You have no one to blame but yourself. Like that, I apologize like an asshole. No, my i and that's another thing too there's another thing too is i've i also in this have never loved my wife more

you know gave me a son and it's just like it's one of those things where you know you just said that's a beautiful thing really sit there going like i am really like i am way way more of a fucking asshole than i thought i was. I knew I was, but I didn't think I was that bad. So you realize you've got issues, but you don't know how to solve them. That's what it is? I realized that I had issues that I thought I was past. That's what fucked me up. But you feel like, all right, so I've taken care of that.

Now I can focus on this. And it's like, no, no, this is still in this pile. You thought it was six feet high. It's 12 feet high. And it was, yeah, it was demoralizing. Don't you think knowing is part of the way to fix it, though? Yeah, but then you have to go through the torture of it. Because it's not like, you know, like the Dr. Phil episode.

You need to understand, you fucking you know, like the Dr. Phil episode. You need to understand you fucking yellow people, whatever the fuck. And you go, oh, okay, thanks, Phil. And like, you're just going to go do that. It's like, then you have to do the fucking work. And it's so easy to just go back into your, it's a deep

groove worn into your personality and you're trying to get out of the rut. And it's just easy to go back into it and just be on autopilot. That's why people like psychedelics. That's why people like psychedelics. Because it separates you so much from who you are, you get a chance to look at yourself.

It's one of the things that comes out of it. I should have done that when I was younger. Can't do it now? Like right now? On this podcast? I don't think that would be very professional. I'm supposed to be promoting one of these feature films here. We've already done it. We've promoted it.

It looks great. I'm excited. I'm excited to see you with a mustache. Oh, so you're saying I'm done and then I can now do this? You can do a little drugs. Just a little mushrooms. It'll be good for you. Listen, Joe, I know you're an influencer, but you ain't going to win on this one.

An influencer? Influencer? Influencer. That's a dirty word to me. I will be... Kids get out of the house and they're fucking great people. Hopefully, if I did the job, then... Then? So when they're 18?

Okay, we'll go. When they're 18, I'm going to take you somewhere. All right. When I'm 70 and you're 71. Yeah. We'll get blasted together on mushrooms. Yeah. I'll finally get that catalog.

We'll go to the Pacific Northwest, which will be burnt to the ground. Once the looters take over those six blocks, they're eventually going to expand to 12. There'll be no more Seattle. The trees will regrow. I love Seattle. Don't say that. You ever play the Moore Theater? Love it there.

It's great. I love Seattle. I love Seattle. I'm a big fan. I used to love that Bellevue place. The pool hall that was a, it was a pool hall connected to a comedy club. Remember that? Did you ever do that place?

I didn't know I did that one. Went under. Went under real recently. It was fucking great. Trying to remember the name of the place. But it was in Bellevue. And I first went there with Callan. Callan was the one who told me about it.

I was like, this is my dream. A pool hall connected to a comedy club. This is the greatest thing I've ever heard of. I love that guy. He's one of the fastest minds. That's unbelievable how fucking funny that guy is. He's a very funny dude. There it is.

The parlor. Yeah. Permanently closed. Talented guy, too. I saw him one time with a bow and arrow just talking all of this shit. And somebody hit a bullseye, and then he did the next one, and he split his fucking arrow. Talking shit the whole fucking time. Brian Cowan?

Yes. Where'd you see this? At this guy's house that had one of those things. That was dead luck. Brian Cowan's a terrible archer. He doesn't know jack shit about archery. Hey, listen. I know what I saw.

Were you dreaming? No, I saw this. He talked shit the whole time and he did it. It was fucking great. It was like I was watching a movie. I bought him a bow. Listen, I gotta tell you something. I think you need to move him a little bit higher up in your brain. He's one of my best friends. That's how you talk about a friend. I love him.

I bought him a bow. I bought him a Hoyt. Carbon spider. Really nice bow. Never used it once. He goes, him. I bought him a bow. I bought him a Hoyt. Carbon spider. Really nice bow. Never used it once. He goes, I gotta use that bow. I gotta use that bow one day. I'm like, get a fucking target. He's probably standing on the string doing curls knowing him. Maybe. He boxes.

Likes to go to the boxing gym. Likes to mix it up. He goes in there and spars. I'm like, Brian, you're gonna get brain damage. You're 53 years old you can't be getting punched in the face yeah but he's like a jason statham 53 because you gotta you have to know that dude now that we're these old fucks okay we're hanging in there because you see people i see at this point i remember that's when i first felt old

Was when I would meet people after shows and be like, oh this guy's got at least five years on me And I find out they were five years younger than me Like I'd be like 33 I'd be looking at your fucking 28 and he was like a real 28 married three kids And I saw what that looked like, you know You know, you know this fucking business this business you get shit shit on. Like, I love the harassing to a point on social media. Harassing? Yeah, hey, you know,

hey, Billy Boo's face. Hey, Billy Fat Tits and all that shit. Like, that motivates me. You gotta honestly look at yourself. Like, they're right, yeah. They're hanging a little bit. I need to do some push-ups. They will fucking

bully you into getting in shit it's all how you process the information no? yeah there's something to that you're talking about fat shaming I'm telling you that if I wasn't in this business I would be a fat fuck I'd get those blonde oreo cookies

root beer floats I would be fucking hammering that shit. So being in the business keeps you skinnier? Yeah, because then on Twitter I would just have the fucking, the pussy picture, just the egg one. You know, when nobody knows who you are, and I could be a fat fuck being like, you know, just giving people shit.

You got a little fatter since the last movie. I would have a blast doing that. How's your shoulder? It's great. It's better? Because I've been, I finally, that was another thing,

is this, like the shoulder thing also caused me that I had to slow down and like the patience you need to rehab it, like you're sitting there with like, at first it's just the weight of your arm

doing the crawls up the wall, then you lay on your, at first it's just the weight of your arm doing the crawls up the wall. Then you lay on your side. Then it's just the weight of your arm. And then a tuna can. Then I went into a can of clams. And now I'm up to the pink weight, the one pounder. And then this is the big,

this is the big tipping point. When you go from one pound to two pound is ridiculous. Is that sound? You're increasing the weight load by a hundred percent. And that's when you get hurt. Cause you want to get like, I used to be able to do like 15 pound, you know, 20 pound, 25, you know, those, those sets you used to do. Yeah. And now I, I've, you know, when it's really hurting, I reach for some salt. I'm like, ah, it resets it. So what I do is I just get slowly work my way up to three sets of 20. And then when I go to two pounds, when I do it, my way up to three sets of 20 and then when i go to

two pounds when i do it i'll just do three sets of three so i'm way beneath the weight load that i did and then you gradually it requires all of this patience that i don't fucking have what is wrong with it um this one i had a bursitis this one i actually i i fucked up something else and this one is totally fine now. But I'm not using it as much because I'm not using this one. So I do the rehab on both sides just to keep them equal. I've been doing a lot of core work, a lot of back shit that I never did, which is how my shoulder got fucked up.

Because I just did the 80s things. This, everything up here, what I could see, I worked on. So all back here was like, we can't fucking hold this shit. So my shoulders bowed in and one was higher than the other and then eventually it just got pinched yeah

I used to do these fucking things I know that's for this but I didn't do anything for the middle of my back or lower back all of this shit I don't know what the fuck

I'm talking about you ever use bands? yeah bands are a good way to not get hurt I'm a big fan there's a product called crossover symmetry it's a product called Crossover Symmetry.

It's a series of different weight bands. I'll show it to you out here. I have it attached to one of the bars, one of the cages. And these bands, they come in 15 pounds, 25 pounds, 40 pounds, a bunch of different weights. And you take these things, and I do a whole series of exercises with my shoulders. It's great. It keeps everything strong and you're not really, you're not pushing it the same with weights.

Yeah. I'd like to look at that. I'm not going to do it. But once I get to a certain level of strength. But the thing is you can do it. It's not going to hurt you because you're not, you're just doing it lightly like this. You got a lawsuit coming your way, buddy. This is, oh, I just a lawsuit coming your way, buddy. Look, this is...

Oh, I just thought of something. I just forgot. Something that I learned about myself with that shit. That'll come to me as far as like... With rehabilitation? Yeah, but it also came into my personality. Just something that I kind of... Oh, this is what I learned about myself

and why I didn't miss stand-up because it was freaking me out is because what I experienced as a kid straight across the board uh made me go to this mental place of like I don't care fuck it I don't care I don't need it I don't give a shit and that caused that caused that's what caused everything to get walled off and that actually feeds into rehabbing injuries because it was a big moment for me where i got this fucking console thing that i'm trying to put in my podcast studio and they're supposed to deliver it and bring it in there right so the day they were going to deliver it my wife went

into labor so i went to the hospital and then they showed up and I didn't want them going out in my garage. I got all my memorabilia and shit. I just didn't want people in there unless I was there. So I said, I just have them drop it off. I thought it was going to be a box and it was already assembled and it was fucking big, right? And it was also the weight load of it.

I was just, I was like, ah, fuck it. If I keep my arms in like this, it's mostly biceps and I was going to do this stupid German Irish, fuck it. And what it was going to do was going to set me back. Once again, like I had a big setback in February. I had an acting gig and they said, hey, it was just a stupid little action thing. It's a wall. Put your hands on it. Hop over. Can you do that? I'm like, yeah, my shoulder feels pretty good. And the second went like that, I felt like lightning go down my shoulder. I was like, fuck, right shoulder feels pretty good. And the second I went like that, I felt like lightning go down my shoulder. And I was like, ah, fuck. Right back to the fucking tuna canning and all that shit. So I actually

had a friend come over. We were going to do it. I said, you know what, dude? I owe you a fucking dinner or something. I'm not doing this. And I called up this guy that I knew was a construction company. I go, you got a couple of strong young guys that can just move this thing in there. And I just had them do it. And like, and that's like something that I'm pushing through where it helps me as a comic. It also helps me deal with highly emotional shit because I can just shut shit off and just do what I have to do. Which works like back in the day when you're going to do Letterman, which was fucking terrifying.

It's freezing cold and you just have to be like, fuck this. Just it's just fucking people. This is just a different shiny floor that's freaking me out. And there's an icon sitting at that desk. I had the tools to shut that off, which is great for that moment, but it's terrible for the rest of your fucking life. off which is great for that moment but it's terrible for the rest of your fucking life like this shit that's like i just realized there's this shit in me that i needed that i i have not dealt with death of friends all of that shit is just sitting in here and i think that's also

like when people then go like oh can you do this what the fuck? Like, it's not all just that I'm not going to get what I want. A lot of that is like, you got all of this shit that you're sitting on. So you're sitting on all that and you haven't addressed it. So then it just,

the only way for the steam to come out is like for you to snap or whatever. So, which is really not fair to the people around you, to be honest with you so i don't know have you gone to therapy yeah yeah yeah what about meditating you ever meditate yeah but i find the guy's voice is fucking annoying you don't have to listen he won't shut up. Every time I'm getting there, he starts fucking talking again.

And then he's using this really soothing, caring voice that makes me face all of that shit that I didn't get growing up, which makes me angry at this person that's trying to help me. Wow. Yeah. Quarantining is not a bad thing if you... For what it's worth, you're always fun to hang around with. I always enjoy your company. I don't have any issues with any of your crazy behavior. Because I have a

crushing need to be liked. So I tone down my cuntiness when I'm around you. Listen, my wife knows me. Hang out with her one time. She'll tell you some fucking stories. I'm sure. Yeah.

Well, the you that I get, I like. If that helps you. Yeah. You know the deal. You don't know anybody until you live with them. All right. You know?

I will not accept your compliments. That's another part of my personality. Who's the guy that's running the meditation app that's annoying you? Do you know whose app you're using? I don't want to put the guy on blast, but yeah, I do. Okay. Let me know later.

And he's great. He's great. He's great at what he's doing. He's trying to help people. I understand yeah you should do it without an app dude I got

I have a story I can't say I can't say what I said nowadays I can't say what I said but I remember I was playing pickup hockey

and I suck right but I'm having a good time out there I'm just you know I'm out there trying to get a sweat going right and you know I'm having my head down and we're playing no contacting because I had it was really my I'm having my head down. And we're playing no contact.

And because I had, it was really my fault. I had my head down and this guy fucking knocked me down on the other team. And he goes, are you all right? Yeah. What I said to that guy, I still fucking regret. I was so mad at him that he was caring in that moment. And that's one of those things. It was like, what is wrong with

me wow so you you're really trying to come to grips with all this shit right now yeah because i don't want to pass this shit on to my kids that's what happens and it's just like yeah when people are like uh if people say my kids are not like me, like I'm like good. That's weird. But I do think that a lot. If they're like, oh, yeah, he's, you know, she's like, you know, happy go like my great. Like, I forget what somebody said one time about my daughter because she's like, she's this angel. Right.

And they made some sort of, you comic made the comment you know thinking it was gonna hurt me and i was like yeah dude that's fucking music to my ears i don't want to i don't want to be like me don't do you think they were trying to hurt you when they said it no it was one of those comic things where they don't have kids so and it was a guy and they don't know what to say so then then they got to like make a fucking joke. Like I had a buddy of mine, a comedian on my birthday. He goes, hey, happy destroying your mother's uterus day. And I just remember laughing going like,

oh, there's a guy has to do a little more work than I have to. Or you're just being funny. I can say, I know, but I mean, I know what it is. It was a Boston comic, and he couldn't just say happy birthday because that would be gay. Right. So he has to go to so overcorrect that, has to go to that level. It's so fucking stupid. It's probably why guys die before women.

You hang on to shit, and there's all that stuff, you know. Can't say you enjoy a sunset, Joe. can't do that why can't you shut up but i know why i know you do i know but the thing about you is you can also beat the shit out of most people in a fucking room so you got that so people can be like oh wow you know they actually want to hear that from you when they see you spinning heel kick they want to know that you enjoy a sunset. Because like, I don't want, if this guy's as angry as I am and can do all of that shit, what are my odds of getting out of here? So you want to see that out of a guy like you.

But a guy like you, you don't want to see it. Don't want to see you enjoying a sunset. Joe, I don't read. I don't fucking, I don't know what it is. I am too, I am too in here to understand me. This is interesting, though. I have a very weird thing. I have an alley of my personality that works that I somehow turned into a living.

Yeah. But the rest of it looks like Fred Sanford's yard. Old radiators and bed frames and shit. It's a fucking mess. It's interesting because I've never seen you this introspective where you're really trying to work it out. You're really thinking about it more than I've ever seen you think about it before. You've always joked around about it, you know, in all the years I've known you. It's always been a part of the things you talk about.

But it seems uh much more at the forefront of your consciousness right now like something you really need to work on you really realize like this is i gotta fix this yeah i think it started last year doing the movie oh he brings back the movie um it was there was a bunch of shit that i had to play that I never had to play before. You want me to be a loud fucking asshole? I can do that. But then all of a sudden, like, I had a lot of anxiety about a lot of the stuff. Like, my character had two kids.

And, like, the first time I meet the kids, it's classic acting where it's just, like, you just show up. I remember I took this acting class. This guy, Brendanughes he was great he was saying like he was talking about what it's like to go on a movie set it's just like how you have to have access to all these emotions because you're showing up and it's just like okay uh you're this guy and this is your dad and your mother just died and action and it's just like what because that's the way it goes it just goes real quick so. So yeah. So I have to play like this. So I got two kids here.

So the first day I met them, we had to do the family photo. They wanted to have one of those things in the background for a scene. So you have to, and I'm sitting there going like, ah, fuck, you know, I gotta act like I love these kids

the way I love my kids. Like, and that was really confronting for me as far as how I'm wired. Well, fuck you. I don't need anybody. So I had a fucking panic attack before. Really? Even that thing. Just being like, just that comic thing where you're just like, dude, I stand on stage.

I do shit jokes for a fucking hour. You give the check and then I fucking leave. I smoke a cigar. Just fucking leave me alone, right? And this thing here, it's like, no, you're now on a schedule. Somebody tells you where you have to be. So like, you know, I was like a cat on a leash all of a sudden. Like, yeah, I have to be all these places.

So I was freaking out about that. And then I had to do the picture with the kids. So what I did was I just just I got myself into a really silly mood and I was deliberately I was joking with all the other actors I was making fun of myself I was joking with anybody that had anything to do with the movie I got this really silly stupid mood and I just to get myself in that headspace and then I met them I started joking around about what I look like and this is what your dad looked like and then they started laughing so when they took the picture we were actually laughing about a joke I was making about myself and then I looked at the pictures and they

looked they looked real they looked like I love these kids so I got over that hurdle so like throughout the shoot you know obviously the shit yelling at Pete it's like I can fucking do that all day but all that other stuff and it's like okay and you know jeb would be like okay and then you meet margie and you're smitten and it's like smitten i i you know i've never had i've been smitten in life but i've never you know as a comedian i don't think you ever really go on stage and if you were to do something where you were smitten you're you're making fun of that emotion and the stupid things that you do and it's like no we need you to play this real like you really have just and i'm like oh so i'm like into her he goes no i'm i'm you're

love struck like a lightning bolt and i'm just like that's like oh jeez like i i don't know how to fucking do this and you know fucking and then oh my god i'm in my head i'm in my head this person's won an oscar then i think And, you know, fucking, oh my God, I'm in my head. I'm in my head. This person's won an Oscar. They're going to think I suck. You know, just going through all of that shit. So it took me probably two weeks on the film. I was two weeks in. They had shot enough of my shit where I was like, all right, they're not going to fire me.

I can kind of relax a little bit. And then after that, I had a great time. I had a fucking great time. Best time I've had on any acting gigs and I've had a lot of fun throughout the years. So I think that's what sort of started it. And I was kind of like, you know,

trying to communicate it to my wife and she doesn't know what I'm talking about. She's like, you're doing a movie. This is fucking great. And she has access, you know, opposites attract.

So she has access to all of that shit. She's like, you're doing a movie. This is fucking great. And she has access, you know, opposites attract. So she has access to all of that shit. She's actually, you know, a fucking way better actor than I am and stuff. So I, she helps me out a lot. So after those two weeks, I was able to chill.

And then I had a great time and I got over a bunch of hurdles and I was kind of like, oh, this is like growing as a comic where it's like, okay, I know how to do this as a comic. What if I try to act something out? Oh, that's not my safe space. Now I start feeling like an open mic-er again.

They're not going to like me. I'm not going to stop getting spots at the store. Go home, live home with my parents. I start doing that shit. Yeah. There's a whole show going on up here, Joe. Did you watch it after it was done? Yeah.

I watched the initial cut of it, and then I saw the vinyl version of it and everything. Did you enjoy it? It's one of those things. You know everything that was there and wasn't there, especially with jokes, like there was, there was some, you know, there's always going to be stuff that you, oh God, I wish, why did they cut there? I wish they put this in. But like, as far as like the movie itself, I loved it, how it worked and the way they put it together.

And there's the opening scene that's in the movie initially was in the middle of the movie and somebody, Judd, I don't know who came up with the brilliant idea to put that scene first. And it totally changed the middle of the movie and somebody judd i don't know who came up with the brilliant idea to put that scene first and it totally changed the tone of the movie and it then that's when it like took off because i saw a real raw cut and it was like this is a bunch of funny shit and like everybody i've ever talked to edits a movie like when they watch their first cut in the movie they're like oh my god i'm never gonna i'm never gonna work in this business again i just wasted my fucking you know i was actually uh talking to one of the actors who had directed one of my favorite movies uh uh trees lounge steve buscemi made that movie and he told this whole

this fucking hilarious story about the you know when he the first cut that he watched of it like he just like went home like a zombie you know know, like, going, oh, my God. Like, how am I going to make... And it's such a great movie by the time he was done editing it. But his first, like, look at it. So that helped me out. A guy as good as him having that type of thought. I was just like, oh, jeez, I think that shit all the time.

You know, this guy's an icon. If he thinks that, then this is normal. So I was like, all right, I guess I'm kind of normal to think this shit. So yeah. So they, I think that started it. And then I just kind of would have just been happy to get through the movie. And then that would have been it.

And then I had to be quarantined. Oh, we all got quarantined. I'm like myself, typical self involved me. Everybody's quarantined. And then that just became me sitting around. And I was like,

I'm not watching TV. Cause this is just to fucking make me feel like claustrophobic watching all this news and shit, trying to be informed. So I kind of went away from that. And then I was just in the house with me, just sitting there and everybody was asleep. It's fucking...

Just thinking. Thinking. But not in a bad way. I don't think. I don't know. Well, it doesn't seem like it's a bad way. It seems like you've isolated some of the things that you have a problem with that you need to work out. Yeah.

I mean, that's one great leap on the way to figuring it out is knowing what you're trying to work on. Some people go their whole life not understanding what the fuck is wrong with them. I'm jealous of those people. I grew up with a lot of those people i grew up a lot of those people those people watch tv all the time no they just they are who they are and they just fucking do that there is something i you know i have actually it's so fucked up there's people like when i look at people that just do whatever the fuck they want to do you know like who doesn't want to just fucking eat a large cheese pizza and then finish it off with a pint of ice cream like those people

that do that i know they pay for it but there is something to be i'm reading this book right now on bobby lane who's a quarterback for the uh detroit lions and there's all these legends. His story is so legendary, you don't even know where the legend is and where the truth is. But this guy Art Donovan used to tell a story about, he was on the other team and he sacked him. And he's getting up and Bobby breathed on him. He goes, Jesus Christ, man,

where the fuck did you go last night? And Bobby allegedly said, last night, he goes, I had a couple of pops at halftime. know these guys were fucking lunatics and he lived this life where he had this wide array of friends uh really progressive where he he like you know through playing sports he had uh african-american friends and if they were to go in some place and they said your friend can't come in he goes no we're not fucking going in I mean this guy was doing this in the 50s and 60s right and um he was always like that and but he died at like 58 or 59 and it was hard for all of his friends to see him

you know not being like the legend but there's a great part in the book where he's talking about his life and um like knowing that you know he probably should have gone easier but like this big smile came on his face that he kind of did it the way he wanted to because believe me dude i would love to go home and kill a bottle of bourbon right now i would love to smoke another fucking five of these fucking things but uh i got too many people dependent on me but um there is something to be said about living. You know those people, they just, like, I like booze. I like getting drunk. And just, if I want to do it every night, I'm fucking going to do it.

I live at home. I want to get a pizza. I'm going to have a fucking pizza. You do pay for it. But there is, it made me think of, like, well, what's that life like? As opposed to being like, well, you know, I got to make sure I eat my Brussels sprouts. that life like yeah as opposed to being like well you know i gotta make sure i eat my brussels sprouts and i flick and you kind of inch your way to death as opposed to just being like fuck it pizza tastes good i want a pizza fuck it i'm having one let's try every bourbon that guy like

i love that in the lemmy doc when he just had all those bottles of bourbon the greatest thing the lemmy thing is when those guys were saying, Lemmy goes, hey, you want some Jack Daniels? They go, yeah. And he takes a bottle down and then hands both of them their own bottle. And they were like, what the fuck? And he starts just drinking out of this

like he's having a Coke. Dean Del Rey said something fucking hilarious about when he watched the Lemmy doc. He goes, dude, if I saw that thing when I was in my 20s and I knew Lemmy was going to live to be 70 he goes I never would have stopped his last days

were rough though I remember I think everybody's last days are rough unless you drop dead but his last days on performing I mean he basically performed until the wheels fell off there's a video of him like one of the last shows that he did where he had to walk off stage the middle of his performance

he was such a fucking badass even like just the way he had the microphone the way he would sing well he just came in the fucking bass was all low yeah can't teach that man that kid was fucking in his dna well he lived it that's for sure and he is a legend and there's something to be said for that there's it's all what you put your energy to yeah it's kind of how you like i you know what it's the balls to live that life yeah indulgent and wild yeah we're like this there's all this heroicism to sobriety but i which there is. Being sober and just taking life in the face every day is fucking hard. And I think to see somebody that has the balls, even with all this surgeon general shit, as I'm sitting here smoking a fucking cigar, looking for a toothpick if you have one.

No? No. Toothpick. Who's got the piece of stick right there? You can turn that into a toothpick. Yeah, but I can't fucking stick it in here. This is why I had to stop cigars, because I'll smoke it right down on my fucking fingers.

Yeah. Whittle that thing down. Jesus Christ, Joe. Give me that stick. Oh. Is that the way you're supposed to hand somebody a knife? Well, I was going to... Oh, you were going to do it?

Yeah. I don't need you, Joe. I don't need anybody. Good luck. Fucking idiot, a roach clip. You want another cigar so you don't have to do that? I mean, we have plenty.

No, this is the best part. That's the best part of the cigar? Yeah, it's the most... The smoke goes right to you. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. I feel like I'm in therapy. I feel like i'm a therapist right now listen don't

switch the kid glove tone with me all right i'm just fucking around here i'm sorry bill see that just uh just trying to assess the situation oh are you is that what your training has taught you you talked all these whack jobs on your fucking podcast the lemmy thing is you know that's one of the things that people love about him right because

everybody knows you're supposed to eat well everybody knows you're not supposed to get fucked up every night everybody knows you're supposed to be responsible

and mature and and smart but what he did was just wild he didn't work no no it's gonna be slipping look at him there he was just wild wild to the end and yeah and i think you need you need people like that you do you do because you can get a lot out of the way that they live where every once in a while you'll be like, you know what, fuck this. Let's be Lemmy today. Yeah, you get great art out of those people too,

those wild people, the Bukowskis and the Sam Kinisons and the Lemmys and the people that just fucking go hard. There's something to that. Yeah. There's something to that too. Yeah. And there's also something to people that are stoic. What's interesting to me is the just the range of people i can get i can get things out of people that just drink water and

meditate and i'm fascinated by them i'm fascinated by people like i was watching some uh do you know russell simmons he lives in like where does he live? In like Bali or Indonesia or something like that? He was doing an Instagram live and he's doing it cross-legged with like some crazy yoga shawl over his knees and shit. And like, it looked like an ashram. And he's like, he's basically talking like a yogi in an ashram. Like this guy was the head of Def Jam. And he got really, really into yoga. And now he lives in some country somewhere and just fucking does yoga. He's doing Instagram Live talking to people like a guru.

Yeah, I ain't going to go that hard. I'm not either.'ll do uh i'll do a yo i mean i i kind of do my own version of yoga just shit that i've learned do you do a little yoga i stretch all the time yeah i have to because i i uh you know you just get to a certain age if you don't i mean you know yeah i love stretching yeah you kind of got to do all that shit so anyway enough of that you ever take a yoga class yeah like hot yoga you ever do that i almost i just felt like i couldn't breathe yeah and i remember too also like my back was fucked up that's why i went to the class and the like the position she started out with there was the twisting was happening too quickly.

So I kind of just went down to the mat and I was doing all the thing. And the teacher got like all freaked out by it. Really? She's like, come on, you know, try to stay with the class. You can't be like busting out all these different austenas. And I just started fucking laughing where I was just thinking like, this is all supposed to be about listening to your body. And you're literally, you're like the oil man in here trying to control. This is your own little fucking economy.

And just the fact that I fuck, you're walking around like you got it all figured out. You got 99% of people here all doing what the fuck you say. And one guy goes down to his mat because his back is fucked up. And you process it like i'm fucking with your authority in a yoga class so with my broad brush i said fuck hot yoga that's hilarious yeah yoga teachers like everything else you know some of them you're going to enjoy some of them are going to be really good at it And some of them are going to annoy the fuck out of you. What annoys the fuck out of me is when they start giving you motivational

advice and telling you how to live your life. You've got to learn to let go of things like for me, and then tell some personal story. And so when I got out of that and like, Jesus Christ, can we fucking move on here? I didn't come here to hear your first grade. I used to go to this one tree psychology it was a great class it was a great class but the dude he had it was fucking

awesome i like i was after a while i would go i was just psychologically breaking this guy down and something happened to him at a gold's gym i don't know what happened to him at a Gold's gym. I don't know what happened to him. He just was forever making fun of muscle heads. And I was thinking, you know, because I've had the hybrid thing going on. Like, you know, back before I fucked up my shoulder. I loved lifting weights. I loved going to the gym and all that shit. And I liked the energy in a gym. You know, I liked it.

And the old school ones, right? When the guys used to walk around with the towels tucked into their fucking, you know, that shit. And he was forever shitting on it. And then another thing that he would do, he would also somehow steer it toward like a subtle comment about lovemaking. And he was putting out like his vibe that he was good in bed at the same time. That's a yoga guy move. You know, and he had the little ponytail and shit. It was fucking, no, it was like a Will Ferrell character.

It was fucking funny. It's just like, this is like, it was like a real life, like Will Ferrell, like, It's like, this is like, it was like a real life, like Will Ferrell, like, like just really just like, I know everything kind of vibe. It was, he wasn't as bad as that, but it was just that the whole, it was funny though. And I used to sit there. Yeah. This was like this dude in New York. I remember it was fucking hilarious. And what was hilarious was I was bad at yoga.

If there's that, you're not supposed to even say that if you're doing it, man, you just, you know, wherever your body's at is where you're supposed to be, right? And I just remember when he would walk around the class and he would adjust people. He'd always skip me and then adjust some hot chick who was way more flexible than me. And it's just like, really? I'm doing it right as I'm sitting over here? For some reason, I never needed an adjustment. Of course. And this was like the 90s, so you could get away with this shit there was a lot of adjusting like this almost cupping a titty and fucking like

yeah shit on the hips and stuff yeah hey god bless him it's like a pied piper you got all these hot chicks in there and you get them all stretched out before he banged him and it worked so i couldn't hate on him for that but it was i i to get through the class because i have such fucking add i was just there was like a comedy show going on within it like you know like house and then like a couple buddies i thought you got to go you know we'll do it you know like a bet when he's gonna shit how many times he's gonna shit on the gym um what does he say um What would he say? He would talk about the muscle heads coming in there and they had no flexibility and how everything was all overdeveloped. But we'd always been doing some fucked up pose or something.

And he goes, this works on your psoas. pose or something and he goes this works on your psoas like what machine in the gym you know is there a psoas machine you know I can't remember it was like fucking it was a long time ago and

at first it pissed me off it's just like well I like fucking doing curls what's wrong with doing curls and then it just became funny to me there's a specific type of guy that's like that and doing curls. What's wrong with doing curls? And then it just became funny to me. There's a specific type of guy that's like that. I went to a yoga guy once. He used to sing in classes.

He wound up like, he wound up banging this lady that was there. Oh, that was a lot. Back in the day, you can't do it now. There was a lot of banging back then. There was a lot of,

this was like, I guess it was his late 90s, early 2000s maybe. And he would sing in class. And it was so cheap. It was so disingenuous. Oh, yeah. Like you would do these yoga songs. I was like, you are so gross.

I'm glad I wasn't the only one. No, yoga guys are famous for that. But there was some really good ones that I found. Oh, fuck you. Yeah, there's some really good ones. There's this guy I go to. I mean, you hear him talk, you think he's going to be annoying. He's got pierced nipples, the whole deal.

But he's really sincere. He's really into it. He's so gay. He's so gay, it's like oozing when he talks but you know he's just so gay the way it's so gay like the way he talks we're here we're here you're supposed to be here let it go and but that's who he is like he's comfortable he's well that's the thing i love his class well that's the thing as if as if it's genuine yeah yeah yeah

then it becomes this great thing yeah um that's who he is he's uh yeah it's

it's like whoever the fuck you are if that's who you are like I like it I don't I don't want you to try to sell me on who you are

like the guy with the love making talk. That goes the last two hours of this podcast. The selling you on who they are is where it gets really gross. Pretending to be something they're not. I mean, I like flaws. It's good. We all have them.

You know? My favorite people are all flawed. I don't mind. And it's not even that that guy was flawed. He was just, he was just like, normally you would think if a guy was talking like that, teaching yoga class, like this is not going to be fun, but it was great. There's a lot of people that are really good at it, man. It's just finding them, you know?

So I like the place that I go to, I just look at the schedule. I'm like, oh, that's a good one. I take her class i like him he's fun yeah and there's this one dude he has weird tattoos like real strange like it always has to be clean too because there's so much sweating going on i hate when you go like those hot yoga classes there's just no way to get this the floors were sweating like there's just no way to he's got to accept it it's so good for your body so good for your stretching too because you can get into positions when you're doing hot yoga that you're not going to get into and it's like really stretching that tissue out and extending your range of motion i love it i'm a fucking evangelist for it though i tell so many people to do it a lot of people have listened but more

people just get annoyed. Well, I love that when you guys do the Sober October. You know, when I watch Segura and fucking Kreischer dry out. And like three weeks in, they start looking like movie stars and shit. That's always... Well, when we did the fitness one, we did one Sober October fitness challenge. We all wore these uh uh these straps and we we had to like compete to see who can get the the most fitness points and stuff like that

ari got a fucking six pack like ari got shredded like he doesn't even work out before that he was never working out and over the course of the month by the end of the month he had a legit six pack and he looked great he was he's always pretty wiry though yeah he's thin yeah he got fat at one point in time because he was eating nothing but candy he was literally eating candy all day long he was always he was like a bag of gummy bears with him and shit like that but then i gotta play i don't know if i still have the message when we're done with this i gotta play the message him congratulate me having a kid it's so arty it's so fucking funny but yeah he uh he dried out with that and then didn't, he never gained it back, but he never

had that six pack again. He was shredded because he was super competitive. He was really trying to win. It was really interesting. It was interesting to watch. And I liked how Burt would do it too, where Burt would have have like he would always have like a crazy build-up that was totally against what he told me this story about him running the fucking uh la marathon and like drinking the night before it's just like dude you could have fucking died and he never really

trained for it but he but he it but he just he's mentally strong he just got himself in this mindset of put one foot in front of the other and I am not stopping until I get to the finish line 26 miles that's a fucking hell of a haul for a fat guy he did it

yeah you won't catch me doing that no marathon running? no did you ever run at all? no I was not He did it. Yeah. You won't catch me doing that. No? No marathon running? No. Did you ever run at all? No, I wasn't. I used to ride a bike. I did that for a while.

I got so into it. I remember one time I actually was drinking in the afternoon and I still had to go on a bike ride. I got on a bike shit face. It was sweating. This is the 80s too no helmet no nothing and just fucking rode like like 12 miles and i never had heard the expression i never felt hitting a wall like whatever the electrolytes there was just nothing left and i was like six miles this east coast there's all kinds of hills and shit from my left and i was like six miles this east coast there's all kinds of hills

and shit from my house and i was like i i don't think i i don't what am i gonna do there was no cell phones like what am i gonna do so i just kept riding and then it was like this five minute like i'm gonna die i'm not gonna get through this and then i just got to the other side where the i think my body was just like, all right, there must be something like death must be chasing us. So we need to go into something else here. And I pushed through into that.

That's what they say happens when you do those ultra marathons, those people, they get to a point where they think there's no way they can keep going. They're doing a hundred miles and they're 38 miles in and they're ready to quit, but they just managed to just keep left right left right left right and eventually you get into a zone and you're you cross the finish line 20 hours later hey god bless them now that's that i would just say well that you have all the people handing you cups of shit and you can just tap out there's a lot of things you have

to do in those those 24-hour races You have to eat. You run dry. It's not like a regular marathon. Yeah, no, I'm not. Yeah. Those triathlons. Bill Burr has been a great therapy session. Thank you. I'm excited about your movie.

F is for Family season four coming out tomorrow. I don't know how you have time to do that. How the fuck do you have time to do F is for Family as well as stand up, as well as all the other shit you do, the drums delegation yeah you you you surround yourself with super talented people you do your job they do their job and you're able to um you're able to do that able to do it but i i i i needed this break though i'm not gonna lie I needed it, too. I didn't think I needed it. I thought it was fine. But now I am, like, fucking chomping at the bit to get back on stage. Me, too.

I can't wait. And, yeah, I miss hearing people laughing and hanging with comics and hearing the crazy shit they say. Next time I see you, I hope it's at the store. Yes. Oh, the Troubadour. The Troubadour. Either one.

Either or. I'm in. Bill Byrd, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. Bye, brother. All right. All right. Was that good?

It was great.