The Joe Rogan Experience - #15 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: April 7, 2010

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

Start the recording. Start the broadcast. What. The fuck. Ladies and gentlemen. See, it doesn't show that it started, but I know it has. Right there at the start. I know, but you gotta like refresh it and shit. It usually takes a couple seconds, it'll do it. That's bullshit, son! Ladies and gentlemen.

Bullshit, son. That's me. There you go. Every time we do this. I could've sworn I muted it this time. You know when you do it by yourself, you don't do it. You catch yourself. Yeah. Isn't that weird?

Maybe I'm a little... A distraction? You do not. No. No, no, no. Don't make me make fun of you. You stop. All right, let me change it.

This motherfucker and his goddamn iPad. I fucking love it, man. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, it's a little gay, but if it's good enough for the Romans, it's good enough for the Greeks. Look at you. I got an iPad. Even though I said I wasn't going to get one,

I got one. How long did it take for you to get one? Walked by. I said, you guys got any of them bitches? You guys said yes. And I said, okay, let's go. First day. Yeah.

It's kind of interesting. You know, what I am interested in is what's going to happen with these things. Like, what are these things eventually going to... Eventually, these things are going to be able to, like, control your house and shit. You know? You could already do that. And if the dragon, naturally speaking, is any good on this, do you know if it is? It's all right.

It's good if you have a headphone microphone thing plugged in to it. I tried to do it, like, in in a loud room and it kind of sucked. Well, I've got to write a book now. And I just signed the deal. So it's fucking official. I'm in the middle of writing this thing. And I'm thinking, God damn, it takes a long time to write shit. It might be easier to just talk it out.

But I don't think this stuff is any good now. Some of the people told me that voice recognition software is really good on PCs, but not quite there on the Mac yet. Have you heard anything? I haven't heard that because, like, one of the best ones on the PC is Dragon NaturallySpeaking. Right. So it's the same technology. It's the same.

Everything's the same. So there shouldn't be a difference. But it's not the same version because it's a Unix based for the Mac operating system. It's totally different. It's like a different version. It's the same programming language. It's just, I mean, it's like an Xbox and a PS3. I mean, it's the same tech.

The programming is the same. It's just two different ways to put it on. Is that true, ladies and gentlemen? Do any of you wizards out there know whether or not he's speaking the truth? Because I believe Brian, but I also believe that Brian did not know the answer well it's just like i i barely use dragon so i could be wrong i'm not a huge dragon nerd but to me it makes sense that if a company makes that kind of software it would be the same on pc and mac it might have to get there a different way but the actual brains of the software would be the same, the same program. Yeah. There's something about actually writing things too, that's better than speaking it and

writing it. Cause like when I write something, if I write a blog, I don't type that fast. So if I'm writing something, each word that I'm thinking about, I'm like really dwelling on it and the other words that come after it. You know, that's why one of the things people are always really impressed about is the ability to speak without stammering and have something to say. I mean, that's the reason why Obama got elected really is because not just because he's black, but because he's black and he's this really good speaker, you know, he's really good at talking. And there is an art form to that. It's a management of your ability to recognize like what you're going to say next and the inflection you're going to use and preparation and all that shit.

There's an art to it. But it's more interesting usually when I read things that people wrote and they actually wrote it. They sat down and they really thought about how this is going to be absorbed. There's a craft. There's a craft to both, but there's a real craft to writing, actual writing itself. I really appreciate when I read good writers. Don't you?

Yeah. You know, I don't read that much. But the few books that I choose, I pick out certain things I want to read. Because I read all day on the internet. So when it comes to a book, I'm like, alright, I've read so much today. I don't need to read anymore. You know, type thing. So I've actually been reading less books ever since the internet's kind of grabbed me i've noticed yeah yeah definitely yeah the last good book i read

was a book called early bird highly recommended though it was about a guy that used to write for i think letterman and he retired this is real a real guy and he retired and he went to florida and lived in a retirement home and he just documented his life inside a retirement home, being retired at the age of 35. It was one of the funniest books. And it's weird how the retirement village is like high school. There's the popular old people, and they have their cliques and stuff like that. And it's so weird. You kind of go back to that old school thing.

That's hilarious. Early bird. Yeah, people are like that, man. They're like that no matter what. They're like that if that, man. They're like that no matter what. They're like that if they're 80. They're like that if they're 180. They're, you know, we're monkeys, man. We have a whole bunch of instincts that we follow

that really are directly attributable to our time in the jungle, you know? I mean, that's what I've said about human beings, that there's something fucked up about us where we need... You're distracting the shit out of me with that thing, son. Let's not be fucking browsing online the entire time I was actually

seeing if we could get our live show on the iPad I was doing it live I'm watching you fucking move things around my nerdy report no don't sit behind me

because then I can't talk to you I gotta turn like this my neck hurts from jiu jitsu hey you fucked you got me forgetting what we were talking about

uh yeah me too god damn it fucking stoners Hey, you fucked. You got me forgetting what we were talking about. Yeah, me too. God damn it. Fucking stoners. We were talking about talking and writing. Oh, really? The last guy who got me into writing, or reading and writing, really.

But I read The Great Shark Hunt, the Hunter S. Thompson book. It's kind of a compilation book of all of his stories. Fuck, that dude could write. That dude had some really interesting writing. It got you excited to read more about it. You know, and it's kind of like this weird blend of fiction and nonfiction. That's one of the things that was so cool about Hunter's writing. It's like, this guy was just crazy.

He was just making all kinds of crazy shit up about, like, Las Vegas and campaigns and dudes being on drugs. You know, when Ed Muskie was running for president, Hunter Thompson just started printing in Rolling Stone magazine every week that it was like widely known that this guy had an ibogaine addiction and that he was bringing in Brazilian doctors. Like nobody ever done that before. Nobody ever done like real serious coverage of like a political event and just started adding nutty shit to it that totally wasn't real so literally this guy changed the fucking course of the election because that guy was like one of the favorites and because hunter's writing about him having an ibogaine addiction which is this crazy exotic drug

from africa you know hunter wrote this whole thing about it and this guy literally fell apart on the campaign trail people were heckling him and he was doing these campaign speeches and just crumpled just because some crazy shit that this guy wrote and when they asked him about him and he was doing these campaign speeches and just crumpled just because of some crazy shit that this guy wrote. And when they asked him about it and he goes, well, you made up that stuff about Ed Muskie having an Ibogaine. He goes, well, I didn't make it up. I didn't print it. I said it was a rumor. And he goes, and it was a rumor and I started it in Milwaukee.

No way, really? He was just crazy. That's funny. But he got away with it and he was just constantly on acid. He was constantly doing mescaline. He was constantly doing cocaine. I mean, he was constantly getting fucked up and writing like super uber fucked up. Is there a book or a movie that you would recommend about all this? Yeah. Well, I didn't even get into him until I watched the documentary Donzo. You know, I'd liked the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,

and I'd seen him on talk shows before, and I always knew that he was this kind of crazy guy. There was this, you know, older dude who was really nutty, liked to shoot guns, and, you know, looked like, you know, your friend's dad, but he was fucking completely psychotic. You know, it was just this guy left over from the 60s that somehow or another morphed into this, like,

super violent fucking drug-addled compound junkie. That's what he used to call himself. I just added it to my Netflix queue on my iPad, Joe. Good job. It's a very good documentary. It's really well made too, so it really gets you into how fucking

interesting this guy was. It brings me back to the same thing that I always think of, man. When you're really that good, like, he's so good, I always wonder how fucking crazy you have to be to be really good. You know? Like, in almost everything. Like, in Michael Jackson, in fucking sports, anybody like Tiger Woods.

You know? Look how crazy he is. I almost think that you have to be a certain amount of imbalance to you to be really the best at anything. To be excellent. Yeah, well, that's why you're considered the best, usually imbalance to you to be really the best at anything to be excellent yeah well that's why you're considered the best usually not in the same uh road as everybody else you're on the side street you know you're a little different than everyone else so that's most successful people are not just like a common person in everything they do not

just that what i'm saying is that the commitment that's involved in order to get to the highest levels of anything right like you almost have to be completely nuts in order to hit those RPMs. It's like with so many things, especially when it comes to the working world. When it comes to like the artistic world, I could see an argument for there's never too much. There's never too much art that you can produce because you're just producing positive energy. But people that like get addicted to like success in the business world and try to be like the number one guy in the business world i mean that's the one of the main reasons why we have all these problems today with corporations how corporations are sort of these consciousness

less entities you know i mean now corporations basically are allowed to uh they're they're judged as an individual you know corporations are a thing like they have rights and shit like they can contribute to campaigns now as much as they want they can uh do all kinds of crazy shit you know as as a corporation and get away with it because they don't think of it as them as an individual doing it they think of it as well you know it's all business and we're part of business like they can do fucked up things in overseas countries you know third world countries and and they don't even think that they're doing anything bad because what they're doing is they're just doing business and there's just a bunch of people involved doing it so no one person feels like total responsibility for what's happening.

You know, and that's like a real problem that we have. And I think one of the real problems that we have is related to people just being super competitive. You know, that's the only reason why these fucking super crazy billionaire dudes would keep pushing forward. You know, at a certain point in time, how much fucking money do you have to have? You know, when you're one of those dudes that has like 30, 40 billion dollars and you're still trying to rape third world countries, like what the fuck is going on? Like how much money do you need, bitch? You know, that's a lot of goddamn money you know what is that why why would they not be able to recognize that there's something wrong there well then they're

crazy that's what it is to get at the highest levels of anything whether it's golf or whether it's fucking you know whatever the fuck it is to get at the highest levels of anything you got to be a little nutty man whether it's sports whether it's singing you know whether it's singing, you know, whether it's performing, writing, you know. I think, you know, to really achieve those crazy great highs, like you almost have to like lose your connection to everybody else or lose control of your connection. Right. You know? Yeah.

It's weird because that's our high watermark, you know. that's our high watermark, you know, and we're always aspiring towards higher and higher levels of performance in everything we do, whether it's, you know, athletic or anything you do, you're always trying to do better than you did before. You know, I mean, that's like a human ethic that we have. And it's very strange, man, because there's never a point in time where we ever step back and go, you know, hey, this is this is good. We're good right here. Let's just let's concentrate all our time right now instead of making more money. Let's try to concentrate all our time and try to make things better for each other. Let's try to concentrate our time and dealing with all these problems that exist all over the world.

Instead of trying to fucking smash atoms and create black holes, let's settle down and let's concentrate on some other shit. Look at the surplus of money that we have. But they don't ever think like that. All they think of is more and more and more and more. They're going to live forever. And those motherfuckers drop our heart attacks left and right. Those CEOs of big corporation type dudes, those motherfuckers die like crazy.

They die all the time. Those guys are... Like Dick Cheney, he's had 150 fucking heart attacks. And one of the reasons is because he's just such an evil cunt. If you're that fucking evil, you're going to have some goddamn heart attacks. You're doing some wicked shit. You're creating so much bad energy. And you're pushing constantly, constantly, constantly.

What kind of balls do you have to have to be the fucking CEO of a corporation like Halliburton and then go from that to being the vice CEO of a corporation like Halliburton and then go from that to being the vice president of the United States and then go from that to signing billion dollar agreements with Halliburton where billions, literally billions of dollars were lost. Like they don't know where it went. Billions in corruption. They have no idea where like all kinds of money went. And the fact that that motherfucker profited on it. He had shares in Halliburton while he was the fucking president. I mean, he got money from them while he was the president.

Or vice president. I mean, he really was the president. Really, he was the fucking marionette, supposedly. Remember the days where he was always in the bunker? Remember they would always talk about Dick Cheney being in the bunker? Right. Where is this bunker? Is this some Batman type shit? What does he have?

What is the Dick Cheney bunker? It's probably like a golf club. It's another nickname for a golf club. He's at the bunker. He's at the whorehouse. With dudes. Banging dudes. That was the big secret of the whole Bush White House.

There was a lot of gay shit going on. A lot of gay shit. That guy Jeff Gannon, who's a reporter for the White House, he was a White House embedded reporter. And he would lob these super softball questions at President Bush. Like, Mr. Bush, President Bush, when, or Mr. President, when are the Democrats just going to come to reality? When are they going to come to their senses? Do you think that's ever going to happen? He would say shit like that.

And other reporters were like, who is this motherfucker? And so the other reporters started investigating this dude. And they found out that he had a fucking gay porn website. That's awesome. With him. Him. With like, you know, like a fucking bare chested and like a towel over his cock and shit. Like super gay with dog tags on. And it was gay porn geared towards guys with military fetishes.

No way. Yes way. Have you heard about the, it's like the tickle guy. Have you heard about that guy in the news recently? No. They had tickle parties with, he worked, same thing. Like he worked for the government somehow, or like the, dude, does anyone know what I'm talking about?

The tickle guy. They had like ticklers that would come over, and they would all have tickle parties. Well, how about that fucking woman, who was the madam? How about that woman who was the madam, for that big fucking brothel in Washington,

D.C.? And this chick claims, she's got the fucking ins on everybody in Washington. All these senators that used her service. All these different people. And then she commits suicide. And she even said, she did her interviews, if I commit suicide, they did this to me.

I am not going to kill myself. I'm happy. I want to live. It was fucking gone. And the whole case, gone. Dust in the wind. Dust in the wind. What is it about Jesse James? Did you see his girlfriend?

Oh, my goodness. And that's what happens, man. People get fucking wacky about Jesse James or Tiger Woods or whatever the fuck it is this week in the news. And while all that's going on, crime just left and right. They're just stealing. Stealing money and fucking bitches and killing bitches who tell they're going to fuck bitches. It's the congressman Eric Massa that had the tickle parties. Oh, interesting.

Democrat senator. Democrat senator was on the Daily Show. He was on the Daily Show talking about it? No, I think they had it on the Daily Show. That's where they talked about it. That's interesting. New York Times. Yeah, there we go.

Somebody tweeted it. Look on the tweets. Is that the tweets or the chat thing this is on twitter right now people responding to you on twitter so if you go to joe's website joe rogan.net and click on webcams you can see the chat we're talking about yeah yeah or you can go to my ustream page you can see the whole chat on the ustream page. What the hell is Jill going on about? Bitch, you can't just tune in halfway in the middle. We're talking about shit, the way the human mind works, man, that there's an error in the way the human mind works, and that's the reason why people are doing all this crazy shit,

like trying to conquer the world, and billionaires are fucking torturing these third world countries and crushing their resources and doing it all for money. The reason why is there's a there's an error in the human mind. And there's an error that causes us to never have perspective. We're always moving in a direction, but we don't have a perspective. Like nobody ever stops and very, very few people stop and realize at a certain point in time, like, I would rather live an easygoing, really peaceful life, and make less money and have less bullshit and less drama in my life. And, you know, and just

be happy all the time, then be this like, super ambitious, you know, gotta go get it typical American, you know, and that that's a problem, man, that fucking typical American attitude is bullshit, because we're going to die. We're fucking dying, all of us. This is totally temporary. So the right thing to do is to try to balance it all out and have the most amount of fun possible and the most amount of positive time, the most amount of positive energy during the time that you have. But then there's the keeping up with the Joneses thing, this trick that gets

us thinking that somehow or another, like bigger houses or bigger cars or bigger bullshit is going to make you happy. Some of the most miserable fucks that I've ever met in my life were rich and famous. Okay. Some of the most miserable fucking human beings I've ever met, rich and famous and living in a torturous existence. You know, like we were talking about our friend on the way over here. He's got the female problem. You know, this guy is a very successful guy. He's like been on television. He's, you know, he's a guy that people enjoy.

They go to see him. His life is turmoil. It's fucking chaos. And it's just, it's so, it's a few steps before murder suicide, right? It is. It's right there. It's knocking on murder suicides door. Yeah.

You know, if you got that phone call in the middle of the night, you wouldn't be that surprised. You'd be like, God damn it. Yeah. Damn. Should have done something else. Yeah. But this is nothing you can do.

That's, that's the cold hard fact. There's nothing you can do. At the end of the day, these motherfuckers have to go home. It's like, you have to figure out what is it that we're really doing here. What is it? And because there's so fucking many of us, I think human beings have lost this sense of community. I think human beings are programmed to be in tribes. We're programmed to be in tribes of like 50 to 200 people or maybe more.

But enough so that you know everybody. And, you know, when we live alone, we're fucking miserable. Like, that's why we don't trust hermits. We don't trust people that go off into the woods by themselves. We look at this sketchy motherfucker. He wants to be by himself. You know, we don't trust that shit because that's not how you're supposed to be. We're not programmed for that. We're programmed to be in small groups of people so that we work together and we protect each other and we support each other. But we're living in a group that's way too big. We're tricked into believing that we're a part of some 300 million strong group, you know? That's why, like, wars work, you know? The reason

why wars work is because we feel like, well, yeah, we got to defend ourselves, and we all know we have this sort of sense of loyalty to defend ourselves. But at a certain point in time, it's like, against what? Hold on a second. We are 300 million fucking people, and we're defending ourselves against, what, 300 million other people from somewhere else that we don't even know? What is going on? Are they really after us? Like, what's happening? I'm getting this from you, and I'm connected to you somehow?

Who the fuck are you, and why are these people mad at you? Why are these fucking people in this other country mad at you? Why do they want to come over here and kill me because of some shit you did? What the fuck are we doing? Until you know what we're doing overseas, you can't support it. You can't be involved. You know, there's a video that was

released that you haven't seen yet that was on WikiLeaks where it shows this Apache helicopter shooting these Hellfire missiles into these people and they weren't soldiers. They were mistaken as soldiers and I don't know you us did it I watched it the US did it yeah yeah 2007 covered it up and then WikiLeaks got a hold of it someone in the Armed Forces apparently was a whistleblower and just thought that this was a horrible situation that needed to be

corrected and these guys were like you know look I, if they thought they were insurgents, I could see how they developed this antagonistic attitude towards the enemy. Because this guy's wounded, they shot him up. There's one guy who survived. He's like, just pick up a weapon. Just pick up a weapon. Like, he's asking them to just pick up a weapon

so he can ice them. And he's got these 30... And look, they're the bad guy, and this guy is out there, and he's in the shit, and he's trying to survive. I mean, that's the attitude you have to have. If don't have that attitude and you're in war you're going to get killed but what it shows you is like what the fuck are we doing there like what what is what are

we doing that our american friends our people who live over here in this country are subject to becoming that guy are subject to being put in a situation where they are shooting at civilians accidentally and thinking they're insurgents they have to live with these fucking memories because someone told us that we're supposed to be over there for some fucking strange reason some fake weapons of mass destruction and now some fucking democracy building project you're surprised though an 18 year old made a bad decision i don't think it was an 18 year old these are pilots i know but half those people are so young that it's retarded. I mean, I didn't get smart and I mean smart with like a Z

until like 25, 27. I would probably say I started actually doing, making better decisions, not fucking doing crazy shit. No, listen, no doubt about it. I was retarded when I was 18 and if I was 18 and I was in war, I would be doing the exact same shit. I was

hyper aggressive, extra violent and ready to do stupid shit. Right. You know, when you're an 18-year-old man and you're around a bunch of people who tell you you're supposed to be doing stupid shit, you're supposed to be violent, you're supposed to be attacking, you're supposed to be a killer. I mean, man, you could program the shit out of us, man. If you're a fucking angry 18-year-old kid who has a need to belong to something, and this need to belong takes you to another country, and all of a sudden you're in Afghanistan. You're fighting for America.

You feel like you're representing some real shit, and then someone's fucking telling you, this guy's telling you, you're a goddamn killer. I'm fucking proud of you boys. You go out there and go get it, you know? Like, total full metal jacket style. You know, look, man, any of us could have been sucked into that.

I could have got sucked into it. You could have got sucked into it. We all could have. But the idea that they're over there protecting us, like, man, we have to sit down and fucking talk this through. Like, what are you talking about? You know, they're protecting us

like they're protecting us? They're protecting our freedoms? Look, if they really were protecting our freedoms, what a noble thing. If there really was some evil empire out there like the Nazis that were trying to fucking take out Americans and there was millions of them and they were storming the beaches and taking over

countries, that's not what's happening. There's a bunch of fucking dudes living in caves and we don't even have to fucking go in. What we're doing now that's most successful is these fucking drones, these aircrafts that are shooting around total straight video game type shit, shooting hellfire missiles into mountains and killing people. I mean, that's probably the best way to hunt these fucking dudes anyway, if there really are terrorists out there.

Like, the whole thing is nuts. You hear people like Michael Moore saying that there's only 100 Taliban or 1,000 Taliban, I forget what he said, living in Afghanistan. It was 100 or 1,000. Either one of them is nuts. The fact that we got 30,000 troops over there, it's like, what are we? We just sent 30,000 more. Like, what the fuck are we doing? It's all so scary that we're putting our trust into people that are known liars.

You know, the idea of protecting America, the idea of, you know, being a proud citizen and standing up for your country, that's all noble. The real problem is who is giving the goddamn fucking orders? People that totally cannot be trusted. Across the board, full of shit. At every goddamn turn. Whether it's the Gulf of Tonkin, whether it's the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, whatever the fuck it may be, you know, and it's not just Republican, it's Democrat.

It's this fucking crazy healthcare thing and this fucking crazy thing that's going on with the bank bailouts where all this money is just flying around and there's no accountability and nobody knows where the fuck it's going. And these executives that came from these companies that got big fucking bailout checks, they're taking big bonus checks and saying, well, if they don't get these bonuses, they quit. Like, fuck you. What is happening? This is a goddamn money grab. Like, how is this money grab going on? The money grabs going on because they're all corrupt. The Democrats, the Republicans, they all owe favors to people that got them in office and they suck dick and kiss ass and they let this bullshit pass through.

So it's not just the Republicans. It's not just the people who want war, the military industrial complex. It's fucking all of them. It's all of them. We live in a horribly corrupt system that is – we're like sick. We're like the human race is sick. Like, there's something wrong with the way we think and behave. Or it's right, and we

think it's wrong. We're supposed to think that. We're supposed to do that. Well, it doesn't, no, because it doesn't have to be this way. If you want total enjoyment for the people that are participating in it, it doesn't have to be this way. And the way it is right now, it's this way because too many people are passive and they're sitting back and they're just

allowing this life to keep rolling forward in the same direction. Look, it's going in a certain direction for sure, but it doesn't have to be negative and it doesn't have to fucking involve war. It doesn't have to involve all this shit that's going on in these other countries. We're being tricked into thinking it does. We're supposed to be

getting past that shit and we're supposed to be evolving in a technological sense. But we should be evolving socially too and we're not. We're still socially the same way we were 30, 40, fucking 50 years ago. We're still doing the same dumb shit where it's gigantic groups of people led by a couple of leaders will attack another gigantic group of people and a bunch of fucking people that have nothing to do with anything die and someone is getting money from them all it's that's all it is it's all about resources every fucking one that's ever been fought ever they're about resources and it's just crazy that in 2010 we you know the real problem is we live too long you know right now we live to be like fucking 80, 90, 100. You live long enough to

figure out it's all bullshit. Back in the day when you were fighting for the Roman Empire, you know, you died a fucking plague when you were, you know, 19. You know what I'm saying? If you live to be 30, you did a lot of shit. You got a long ass life, you know? Jesus, they killed him at 33 if he was ever real. You know what I mean? Look at all that. The people that lived back then, you know, nowadays, motherfuckers ever real. You know what I mean? Look at all that. The people didn't live back then. You know, nowadays, motherfuckers live forever. You know, you hear about some new lady in France, just, you know, 126.

Like, what? 120 fucking six smoked cigarettes, drank red wine. What the fuck? 126. It's incredible. People live way long. And you live, if you live past a certain point, like, you and I are very fortunate because we're in the entertainment industry so we don't have a specific job that

we have to do every morning like we don't have to go to work and work on say insurance cases all day stuff that we're not interested in we're lucky that we get to create and we're lucky that we get to do stuff that we find interesting but it's all fun but for most people that's not the case and when when it's not the case and when your whole day is filled with work, and I've been there before and you've been there before, you don't fucking think too much. You don't figure too much out. You know, when you're working eight hours a goddamn day plus and you try to get some overtime in because you got extra bills and credit card debt and shit, you know, when it gets to a certain point in time, you know, at the end of your day, man, you don't got time to contemplate the universe or culture or why people behave the way they behave.

No, you just fucking keep going. Life is goddamn hard. You just keep fucking going. But you and I have way more time by ourselves to think on our own than most people. So you get to a certain point in time and by the time I'm 42, by the time you're like 42, like fuck man, the whole hustle is so obvious and stupid. It's like the same hustle that would have got me when I was 18. I would have goddamn joined the army for sure when I was 18. When I'm 42, it makes me angry because somebody my age is doing this hustle on someone who's 18. You know, not even my age, older than me. You know what I mean It's like, you motherfuckers should have figured it out already.

You motherfuckers that are older than me, that are running the planet, you should be delivering this message. You should have figured this out. You should know that we're living like retards. That this is nonsensical. That this is not sustainable. But we could live a sustainable life.

And it doesn't involve going to countries where you've never been and fucking up people you've never met. It doesn't involve that. You know, and this fucking argument like about our boys, well, you know, what do you want our boys to die? That's how they have to behave over there. That's stupid. That's a stupid argument. Yeah, I know that that's how they have to behave when they're at war 100%. But that's not the argument. The argument this is this is nonsense. They shouldn't fucking be there in the first place. It's not that they're not heroes. It's not that they're not brave.

They are, absolutely. You have to be. I mean, that's real fucking fighting. That's real live killing and fighting with tanks and missiles and jets and shit. That must be white-knuckle terrifying. You didn't even like Hurt Locker, did you? Nope. How come you didn't like Hurt Locker?

I thought it was boring as fuck. You need to go to a doctor and get your balls checked out, son. That movie was, we talked about this a million times. I know we did. You gotta get your balls checked. I'll tell you what sucks,

Clash of the Titans. Oh. Yeah, that sucks too. Oh, stupid. Did you see it? Nope. Oh, it was dumb. It was so dumb.

I mean, like, the special effects are kind of badass. The Kraken was pretty dope. When the Kraken comes out, you're like, God, that thing is pretty dope. I heard it was like a made-for-TV movie. The special effects sucked ass. I heard, I just heard everything. Nah, I kind of liked the Medusa, you know.

The problem was there wasn't enough shit going down, you know. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to see it. Did you see Hot Tub Time Machine? Um, no, I haven't seen that yet. I heard that was bad too. What is this gentleman saying? I don't like to respond too much to negative people,

but I don't know what he's saying. Of course he's reading it. All he cares about is his internet reputation, not even listening. Huh? I don't know. Are you talking to me? I have no idea.

Some chick asked me a question on Twitter today. It was one of the most ridiculous questions that I've ever heard ever look at this this chick says to me her name is Taurus

12 it's on my twitter feed she says Joe you can't seriously not believe in evolution. You don't believe in that, Joe. No, no, no. Listen. Listen how it's worded.

You can't seriously not believe. Like, I didn't even know what she was asking. I had lost it. So I said, if I can't not, that means I can, right?

What the fuck? Yeah, what does that mean? And then I said that I'm not saying i don't not i'm saying she don't know if i do or don't know i was like fucking there's something about um twitter speak and uh something about uh tech speak that's making people really retarded i know but it's so much better than cursive man i got a letter the other day in cursive and it made me cry. I will take...

No. No. You know, cursive doesn't imply stupid to me. When I read something in text speak, like you are, I go, god damn it. When dudes do it, when dudes do it,

it drives me nuts. Yeah, but my brain could immediately skip to and understand what it's supposed to say. Where cursive, I'm more like, okay, that's a Z. I need Y-O-U apostrophe R-E. When you get a goddamn text message from me, you're gonna get a fucking

apostrophe. You're gonna get a U apostrophe R-E. I'm old school, son. I'm old school, son. I prefer a stick shift. There's just too much goddamn traffic in L.A., but I really prefer to shift my own fucking gears. You know what I'm saying? Do you like to shift your own gears?

Not in L.A. No. Fuck that. You get a nice fucking BMW or 911 Turbo or some shit. I'm done with automatics. Or, I mean, manuals. I don't know, man. For a sports car, there's nothing like it.

It's so fun. I have a little BMW, a little M3. I love that thing. But it's got the paddle shifters. And the paddle shifters are pretty dope in traffic because you really can shift gears when you want and you really control the engine. But there's, man, there's something about pressing that foot, that clutch down, putting that gear in, click, click, letting the clutch off, hitting the gas at the same time. It's like you're in tune with the machine, man. You're in tune with the machine. I'm just pressing buttons. I'm hitting the gas at the same time. It's like you're in tune with the machine, man. You're in tune with the machine. I'm just pressing buttons. I'm hitting the gas, I'm pressing buttons.

And it's fun. I mean, don't get me wrong, the fucking car is fun as shit. These little cars now that they make, like little BMWs, they handle so good, man. They're just like they've figured it out now. And there's a crazy horsepower war now. So like regular cars that you buy are so much more fast than they've ever been before. The old BMW before this one had 333 horsepower. This one has 420. It's fucking ridiculous. It's as fast as my old 911 Turbo, that old Porsche that I used to have. That thing was stupid fast.

This thing is just as fast as that, but handles way better. The balance is perfect. It's like you feel like you can just move it. It's not even real. It's like it's a go-kart or something. It's incredible what they're doing now. Those new Mustangs that the Shelby,

the GT500, those fucking things have 540 horsepower, man. You could never buy a car. Unnecessary, yes, but fun as fuck. That's fun as fuck, dude. If you had one of those mustangs those really fast ones that does nothing for me anymore oh you're so crazy when i was a kid yes but nowadays i'm

like no i want to live okay what if you had a weekend car what if you had this and you had like a mustang gt500 for a weekend car you don't think that would be fun to fucking just just not safely i'm not talking about going down residential roads, going 150 miles an hour, but that merging onto the highway, get to 70 like that, son.

You feel that fucking roar, that V8, those fat four inch pipes. Are you kidding me? That's fun as fuck. That is fun as fuck. I guess I haven't done it in a while.

Yeah, you haven't done it in a while. If you did it, if you did it every now and then, you'd realize that's fun as fuck, man. There's going to be a limit, though, at a certain point in time. How fucking fast can these things go?

The new 911 Turbo is 0 to 60 in three goddamn seconds. Three seconds. One, two, three, 60 miles an hour. That's insane. Crazy. Stop getting texts from your girl. What?

Shut that shit up 20% battery level yeah yeah you fuck it acknowledge me dude please there I did I acknowledged you dude

you're way behind Ryan Pellis yeah way behind what are you talking about see you haven't stuck way in the top it's just too much there's too many people There's too many people.

Too much. Too many people. Have I ever seen the movie called Falling Down with Michael Douglas? Love it. Yes. Great movie. It's a good goddamn movie. I love it.

And that's how you feel when you live in L.A., you know? In L.A., after a while, you're like, you know, there's too many humans. They did population density studies with rats. They took rats, they put them in a box, and there was, you know, there's a certain population of rats, and they were cool with each other. And then they doubled it, and they started getting a little crazy, and they tripled it. And when they got to, like, a high number where the rats were on top of each other, rats develop mental illnesses, just like human beings do.

Some rats would sit by themselves and shake, and just, like, face the corner. I mean, literally, the way human beings are is mirrored in population density studies for all sorts of animals so you know you take us and you put us in the same the reason why people yell at each other on the highway that's that's craziness like why do we get so angry on the highway this because we're on top of each other just eating each other's energy all the time like you're not supposed to live like that. And so that movie just resonates with everybody, I think, when he just went fucking crazy. When you live in a place like L.A., L.A.'s got 20 million people in it. I mean, that was the reason why I moved to Colorado in the first place.

I wanted to get away from this heavy vibration of all these people. I don't think this is a healthy way to live. I don't think it's a healthy thing to be like this many people. To me, I feel like I'm living in a game of musical chairs. Like one day, some shit's going to go down and I'm just going to have to go further away.

You know, I don't feel like I could stay here. No. Did you feel that earthquake the other day? No, I didn't. I was in the car. I didn't feel it either.

I was in the car either, but I heard it was like a wave. Our friend Duncan said that his bookshelf was moving. He said it felt like you were on a boat, like you're waving. That said, our friend Duncan's done a lot of acid in his day.

Well, I heard it from a few people. Same thing. Same exact thing. Wavy motions. Wow. Like three people told me. Well, it was a pretty big one. It was a 7.0, right?

6.9 or something like that. In Baja, California. And that's like Mexico, right? And then there was... Isn't that where Jesse Ventura lives? I don't know. It's fucking government. And then 15 minutes later, 20 minutes later, there was like a 4.3

north of Los Angeles. The government tried to fly with me. That's a bad Jesse Ventura impression. That's great. That dude lives in Mexico half the year. 7.2. I think that's pretty cool. 7.2? 7.8.

Indonesia two hours ago. Is that true? I'm going to have to check that shit out because that's ridiculous. I'm going to have to run and hide in the basement if that shit's real. Indonesia, sir? Let's move to North Carolina.

Yeah, right? How cool is that, right? I've been thinking about that lately. Massive earthquake rocked southern Sumatra and Indonesia. 7.8 on the Richter scale. Whoa, motherfucker. It's true.

Four minutes ago. This is on these websites. God damn. I love this little latest results thing. It scrolls down. It shows you all the shit. Look at this. I love that.

Google is the shit. I'm willing to give up some personal liberty so that Google can be running shit. All right. Let's see what else we got here. Sun. These podcasts have been a lot of fun. I met a lot of people last week on the road in New York

and in North Carolina. And thank you all very much for coming out. And I'm glad you enjoyed the podcast because we love doing it, man. It's fun as shit. Tesla got fucked by Rockefeller. Yes, he did. You know, the best version of that story

is Duncan Trussell's drunk history. I don't have a link to the video, but I'll put it up for you guys. I'm going to find the video for you because it's so cool. Funny or die, Duncan Trussell. Drunk history. They get Duncan super super drunk and he has there it is right there drunk yesterday okay

I'm gonna put this shit on Twitter content rejected removed terms of use go back to that your search results there was a video

Dailymotion stole it those fucks it's hilarious though yeah it's amazing Duncan was so wasted Yeah he drank like bottles of tequila and shit And uh absence

Oh yeah absence right Have you ever done that shit Yeah I never did really Never did enough to have it Like I feel it or anything I don't think I did it or anything, I don't think. I did it a long time ago. What is his... What is Duncan's...

Duncan Trussell. Is it one S or two? Two. What's that? T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. Okay. I have to give my man props on the Twitter.

It's hilarious. You've got to watch this drunk history thing. It's really pretty spectacular. But for the people that are tuning into iTunes right now, you get no link, you motherfuckers. You don't even know what we're talking about. Duncan Trussell, Drunk History, if you Google

that, there'll be a website up where you can watch the YouTube clip. You can watch it on Funny or Die. You can watch it a couple different places, but it's hilarious. And yeah, Edison was a cunt. In Westinghouse, they were cunts, and Tesla was a genius. But in their defense, Tesla also fell in love with a pigeon.

Really? Yeah, and he had an issue where he destroyed his sexuality. Like he had some fucking crazy problem with some actress and he fell in love with her and you know this is all like really vague stuff but the in his own words he destroyed his sexuality and they don't know if they castrated himself they don't know what there's also a lot of speculation that he might have been gay or whatever too you know he was he was definitely a loon but again i think you have to be a loon to be like the fucking greatest genius that the world has ever known. I mean, that guy was nuts, man.

That guy created all kinds of shit. Alternating current and, you know, I mean, like literally, like, I mean, he created a way to fucking broadcast electricity through the air. You know? The only problem with it was it would be like free Wi-Fi. They wouldn't be able to control it. Like, to have it in your house, you'd just be able to have it. But I guess now you could have a password. You'd pay for the password.

Well, they already do that. In some cities, they have citywide Wi-Fi, and it's free. Yeah, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about electricity. Oh. I'm talking about if they would be able to do that with electricity and put a password on it the way we put a password on Wi-Fi today. Right. But either way, Nikolai Tesla is a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier. He's a dude who's like a just gigantic, super fucking genius.

Like the greatest genius ever. And completely batshit insane. Just out of his fucking mind. Claimed that all of his information he received from aliens. That he would, you know, he would tune into alien signals. And they would tell him how to do all this stuff. You know? I always wonder about that

man i always wonder where the fuck ideas come from you know what if ideas are literally like a living organism what if ideas are like you know you know how we think about like parasites we talked about this before like parasites infecting a host right you know and they take over the host body like that grasshopper that gets infected by this worm the aquatic worm grows inside the Right. and ideas literally are like another sort of organism. And what if they are manipulating our consciousness? What if language and ideas and all these different things that people come up with, like creativity and people, when people are creative about things

they pull these things down out of the air. I mean, what are you doing? You're freaking me out. Why is this bothering you? Because I can see it. How are you seeing that? Dude, are we going to do this podcast or are you going to play on that fucking thing? Hey, I'm trying to do some tech support here to see if our Ustream shows could be seen we don't need to see it we can watch it on here

we've got to have a real conversation because you were not having a conversation we're not having a conversation you're talking about theories and I'm listening talk back then motherfucker I'm not going to interrupt your theories I'm sitting there and I'm seeing this flash of your fucking iPad I am't understand why you're sitting there and I'm seeing this flash of your fucking iPad.

How are you seeing that? I am. Brian, why are you arguing with me? I am and we're you know, what am I lying? No, I mean you're defending yourself when I'm telling you it's distracting. Alright. I'm sorry for listening to you while looking at trying to do some tech support. And doing it more than once when I asked you not. It's not tech support

dude. Yes it is. I'm not at Brian. Stop arguing with me. I'm not asking you to do this. Alright. Okay? Jesus. That seemed very unnecessary, Jim. It's not unnecessary, Brian. You're distracting me. You distract me by web surfing in front of me and I'm looking at your screen. Was I web surfing?

Whatever you're doing, I'm seeing you fucking flipping through pages. And you're not listening to what I'm saying. Okay. We're not having a conversation. We weren't having a conversation. We weren't having a conversation. You're talking about a theory about something. I'm listening.

You see this thing we're doing right here? This is 724 people listening. I understand, Joe. This is what's called a podcast. Joe, you were doing a theory. I was listening to you,

but I was off. I'm watching you flip through this fucking thing. You're not listening to me. Because I'm trying to do something for the show, Joe. Brian, Brian, don't do it. I told you not to do it earlier.

Okay, all right. This weird just had a little girl spat. A little hissy fit. It's the iPad. It's the fucking evil iPad. He's right. Guy said the iPad's evil.

It's causing you to do that. To what? To do that. If I wasn't doing that, I would have been like this. Doing the exact same thing. If we're talking, I would expect that. When you're talking, I do the same.

I think when people are talking to each other, they sit back, the other person listens. If you're doing a bunch of shit, I'm just telling you, man. If you're doing a bunch of shit while I'm talking, I know you're not listening to me. Joe, Joe, Joe, it's not that. If I were to go off for 15 minutes, 10 minutes at a time, you would do the exact same thing. Yes, you would. Not what we're doing. You would not let me talk for 20 minutes.

Brian, I'm not talking for 20 minutes. And we're doing a podcast. All right. We're not having a conversation, though. Brian, Jesus Christ, why are you defending this? Because you're attacking me. It's really simple. I'm not attacking you.

Yes, you are attacking me. I told you twice to stop looking at that fucking thing that is distracting me. All right. We'll look at this thing, then, that's in front of us doing the same thing. No, it's not because you're not flipping through things and moving stuff around. I can tell you're not paying attention. And it's distracting me.

Okay. Sorry. Okay. Damn. Have I looked into the Illuminati? What if HAARP caused the earthquakes? Shut the fuck up. Okay? Whoever you are. God damn it with your nonsense. Go read some David Icke books. Wow, Red Band's the man.

Shut the fuck up, Joe. How dare you? Listen, we have moved on, you fucks, but I have to set this boy straight. We got issues. Okay. Let's go to, we're going to go to the Rogan board.

Go to my website and find some of the questions people have there. Let's try to change gears here. Okay, let's get some questions here. Can you talk about being more flexible? Any books you or Eddie recommend on stretching and flexibility? Just take yoga if you really want to learn how to suck your own dick, that's why you're asking, goddammit. You said you hung out with Ron Jeremy?

He was at the party I was at the other day. Did you guys hung? Did you hang out? Did you talk? I said hi to him. That's about it. He used to be able to suck his dick. That's why I had a bit in my act about it.

But he got too fat. The joke was that that's how overrated sucking your own dick is. That guy never just sits at home and watches TV, does he? Because that dude's out. I mean, I see that guy at least once a month somewhere. You know, it's kind of funny. He's really into being a mainstream success. He would always tell me about things he's done.

Like, I'm doing this new movie with this guy and I'm doing a cameo on this TV show. And he's like, I'm really trying to make it as a mainstream actor. And I'm like, dude, you're fucking Ron Jeremy. Do you understand that you're like a hero to ugly fat dudes all across the world? You fuck the hottest women on the planet.

He's fucked all of them. Every single one of them. He has a giant dick and he's fucked all of them hard. one of them he has a giant dick and he's fucked all of them hard slaps them around fucks them doggy style nuts in their mouth and face i mean he's a goddamn champion he's a champion and if that was like something that you thought was going to be like that you feel like you could be a champion about you know like a lot of people like oh you fucked a 5 000 hot chicks that'd be like oh god i feel horrible you? But you really think people would think that that's a bad thing? Like a regular guy that never gets laid that looks like him?

To a regular guy that looks like Bon Jovi? He didn't used to always look like that, though. That's true. He used to look pretty Fonzie back in the day. Pretty Fonzie. He was a decent looking guy when he was younger, but he was never like a hot stud. You know? These girls are tens.

Right. You know what I mean? And now he's like this gross fat hairy guy with gray chest hairs yeah and he's still banging them all the new ones all the new ones have to to pay homage to the staff of the king right he's like a superhero for horn yeah if you're a dude who looks like him in jersey you know you're a fucking mailman or you're you know you're delivering sausages to the fucking local supermarket ron Jeremy looks like you, and he's banging tens, and you can't get laid at all.

You're lucky if you get some toothless blowjob from some Hunts Point hooker that just makes you check your balls every five seconds for the next three days looking for herpes sores. You know what I mean? You're lucky if that's as good as you can get. And that's going to cost you $150. It wouldn't fucking cost you.

This motherfucker is just banging, and he looks just like you. that's going to cost you $150. It wouldn't fucking cost you. This motherfucker is just banging. He looks just like you. He's banging them all over his face. Bang him. I can't wait until these chest hairs turn gray. Really? Do you think it'll look sexy? Do you ever think about shaving that?

I hate it, dude. I fucking hate shaving. What looks better? How being an animal or being a man or having white little red bumps everywhere with ingrown hairs and stubble and you look like a i just think you're supposed to let it go you're supposed to be a man supposed to be an animal and not shaving your fucking problem with jujitsu is if you especially train with the gi on guys grab you right here fuck that they grab your you know

your your collar and when they grab your your uh collar, they grab fistfuls of chest hair. It hurts like a motherfucker. That's why you're supposed to have gi, man. Gi, man? Gi. You're supposed to have a gi, man. Yeah, but they grab it through the gi. I mean, the gi gets caught up in the chest hair.

Oh, fuck that. There's a lot of guard passes where a guy's on top of you, and he pushes down on the collar and grabs it. They always get a fistful of chest hair. So people grab your chest hair. You get ringworm, staph infection. There's no reason to be doing jiu-jitsu. Well, it's definitely hard to justify sometimes. You think about injuries.

I mean, I've gone through, since doing jiu-jitsu, I've gone through two knee surgeries, one meniscus, one reconstruction. I've had all sorts of fucking back problems and so why why why is jiu-jitsu not one of the things like if you had like a stove that smelled like gas you're always burning yourself there's always flames coming out of it why would you keep on using that stove why would you keep on it's like surfing when the guys crash and get scratched up it's so much fucking

fun they keep doing it yeah jiu-jitsu when you get good at it is really fun dude it's really fun you're you're you're going basically hand-to-hand combat and you're doing it with good friends like these guys that i do jujitsu with you know you would trust each other with basically each other's lives you know when a dude gets my back and chokes me and i tap i'm trusting that he's gonna let me go before he fucking kills me because basically he's got to a point where he's killing me right and that's the same thing with you. When you get on top of a dude and you're finishing off a choke or an armbar or something and a guy starts tapping, he's basically trusting that you're not going to injure him.

And sometimes people get injured accidentally. But the amount of times that I don't get injured is way more than the amount of times that I do. I get injured, but I've had these operations and shit over the course of doing jiu-jitsu for 14 years. It's a long ass time you know and the first year or so first couple years I had a knee issue that I had I already had like the knee surgery on my left knee the meniscus I had the meniscus problem for years before that so it was a pre-existing injury so really the only major one that I had was the knee surgery but you just get it fixed and you fucking heal up and you just train smarter next time. You realize don't put yourself in bad positions and don't train with spazzes. That's another thing. You got to make sure you don't train with, you know,

anybody that you don't trust. You know, it's very important. Guys, some guys are just like a little too nutty. They fucking spazz out on you when you train and you got to be real careful of those dudes because they want to win so badly. The best guys are the guys who are really good because guys who are really good, even though they'll tap you out, even though they can beat you, they're gonna beat you with technique and you're much safer. You're literally safer with a guy who can kick your ass who's a black belt than you are with a guy who's strong who's a blue belt. Because that strong blue belt might fucking dive on your foot and break it. He might try to get you in a foot lock and get a hold of it so quick trying to tap you out

that he hurts you before you even get a chance to tap. It's a very tricky thing, but doing it good is so much fun, dude. It's so much fun. It's so much fun. And you don't think about anything else. It really is like a form of meditation. When you're in there and you're going at it

and you're rolling with each other, you're not thinking about your bills. You're not thinking about you got to wash your car and your laundry. No, you're thinking, I got bills. You're not thinking about you got to wash your car and your laundry. No, you're thinking, I got to survive here. I got to get out of the situation. I got to, you know, I got to get into full guard. I got to pass his guard.

I got to mount. I got to finish him. I got to stop him from finishing me. That's all you're thinking about is the moment. And whenever you're involved in something like that, that's that intense, it's like a form of meditation, you know? But don't you think that way about like art sometimes like when you're at your best and you're like with your video editing or whether you're creating something like when you're right in the middle of it all

you ain't thinking about shit but what you're doing you know yeah but it's always getting getting it done it's never like i'm enjoying it oh really no fuck no when i when i'm painting a painting when i'm editing a video when i'm doing anything it's getting it done it's not i'm not having fun i'm not having fun while doing it they all have spurts of fun while i'm like going oh that's a great idea but that that's not like i'm like boner style going oh i can't wait to finish this video really wow yeah you know is that an attitude thing is i you know i don't know. I mean, I guess I consider that creativity. I consider I'm trying to get something out of my brain and do something else as fast as possible

while I have the idea in my head. Like I'm trying to take my ideas and thoughts out of my head and put it in a form as fast as possible before I lose the original thought, the idea. So it's not like, oh, I love this idea. I can't wait to do it. Mine is just trying to get what I want, what I thought of out fast. I like making notes with the iPhone using that little application, but I don't like

that I have to fucking go in the menu, find it, press that, press record. I think I'm going to get like a little tiny voice notes thing. And when I have ideas like that, when I'm writing and I have an idea when I'm trying to write it down I think I'm just gonna press it and say the idea into it so I know for sure that I'm not gonna lose it you know I mean like the of your iPhone that record happy just open up a program hit record that's yeah but I want to be able to just one press and it's recording you know what i mean step two just that yeah for real i mean it sounds ridiculous but it is i mean it is that yeah i mean i have a the biggest problem like i will have an

idea that might be the coolest thing i've ever thought of and if i uh last or wait like five seconds ten seconds i might accidentally think of something else and that idea is gone yeah i have that problem so much and i know it's mostly mostly when smoking weed because lately I've been smoking weed maybe once, twice a week instead of almost every day. And my, I feel so much sharper. My memory is so much better. It's amazing how much better I feel already. And I'm just, just from cutting it.

Well, you also, you also don't exercise that much either. That's a big part about the weed. You got to blow that out of your system. It's not just – if you just sit around and just keep smoking weed every day, every day, the weed starts to lose its effect. And then you start to have to get more weed to kind of – and then you're like flooding your system. I think that when you smoke weed, you can – like if you want to do something creatively, you can't smoke too much. You've got to have one hit. One hit is good. If you have two or three, you might lose't smoke too much. You've got to have one hit. One hit's good.

If you have two or three, you might lose track of what the fuck you're talking about. Sometimes it's fun to have two or three. But for the most part, one. Just a little bit. I read this professor. Not read. I saw this interview once with this professor. I think he was a physics professor.

I'm pretty sure. He was talking about marijuana. He was saying that he smokes a little bit. He said the key is to not overdo it. I smoke one hit, and I go on walks, and I contemplate my theories. And he says that that one hit, he says it's like a magical push,

like a little boost. It just helps give him a little momentum, a little wind in his sails, you know? And then it starts the ball rolling, you know? Don't you ever think that? Like sometimes you're creating something, you're trying to do something and you're not smoking weed and you're like, God, it's so, oh yeah, I'm not getting anywhere. And then you smoke a little weed and then all of a sudden, bam. Right. Well, the main thing I think it is, it just gives you a different perspective of the same idea that you're thinking almost like you're multitasking. You're thinking one way, this way, and you smoke weed and then

you can think of it a different way. And that's one of the only ways you could ever do that, is changing your brain. I mean, you could probably do it on cough syrup and think of it a different way. But weed, I think, is the most effective and fastest and reliable because you're so used to that other side. George Carlin had an interesting take on writing.

What he would do, he would write everything first, sober sober and then he would smoke a joint and go over it which i think is kind of interesting because he's got like he put up the skeleton of the house first and then he starts adding don't do it the other way around there because then it always sucks you know well i don't know man i think if you if you write high sometimes you can come up with some crazy shit and then if you go over it sober you you go, oh, this is too ridiculous. And then you can edit it. I think the combination of the two is what's important. I don't know if it's necessary which order.

I think thinking of the idea sober and then going off on the idea stoned always helps. I have better odds that way. Yeah. Maybe I think I might want to do that with my writing i might want to label it right you know uh like st and so stoned and sober and like so i'll write stso so you know i did it stoned and edited sober or right you know sos2 i have some funny stone jokes that i write and i look at them and they are fucking crazy. Let me see if I can pick out one real quick.

Well, the bit that I do in my act. That is totally true. That I wrote down something when I was high. And then I went to read it when I was sober. And it's like, a unicorn is a donkey from the future. And I looked at that and I'm like, how could I have ever possibly thought that that was something that I needed to write down? That is for sure a sure sign that I got way too fucked up. All right.

Here's one of my stone jokes. Marble industry has to be hurting right now. Remember when you were a kid? Marbles were the bomb. What the fuck? Who does marbles nowadays? That's actually funny, man. That really is funny.

That's hilarious., man. That really is funny. That's hilarious. New comedy tour. Half the show stoned. Half sober. The problem with that is I would have to start out sober and then step off stage, go outside and get high. And that's when the cops would grab me. Those motherfuckers. Twitter. Laying in wait. The worst on Twitter is when you find out that you're following a

fake Lisa Kudrow. You feel ashamed and disgusted, but you're not ashamed that you were following her to begin with. I follow everybody, man. I follow everybody I can. I mean, there's no one that I follow. A lot of real dummies. A lot of really dumb celebrities. It's really annoying and into themselves. into themselves.

I follow people that like give out like really patronizing advice and like ridiculous God quotes and just really dumb shit. You know who tweets some really dumb shit? Deepak Chopra. Some of this stuff is just like, what are you fucking talking about? I don't even know who that is. Deepak Chopra? You don't know who he is?

He's like some really famous author. He says a lot of brilliant shit. I've listened to a some really famous author. He says a lot of brilliant shit. I've listened to a lot of his interviews. He says a lot of brilliant shit. But goddamn, some of his tweets make me want to kick him in the dick. The balance. He's missing the balance, my friends. Take a brownie at the start.

That's not a bad idea, but the problem with brownies is brownies and comedy do not mix, my friend. If I took a brownie at the start of my act, an hour into the act when the brownie kicked in, I would be so high I would not be able to function.

When I get really high on brownies, man, I don't want to be talking. I don't want to talk to people. That stuff's too strong. I can't trust edibles, man. It's like doing small amounts of mushers now to me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm really tripping. That's i that's crazy that's too great yeah yeah the the fucking the eating it is spooky man and for people who don't know it creates something when you eat it called 11 hydroxy metabolite that's four times stronger than thc so when you eat it literally is a totally different drug than when you smoke it that's why people when they eat brownies they always think they got laced with something. You know, so I can't do that. So that's the answer to that question. There's no way I could eat a brownie, go on stage, then an hour in, the brownie kicks in.

Because then I would just want to lie on my back on stage and start talking about the universe. And, you know, some people might be into it, but there'd be a lot of people that would leave and go, that fucking show sucked. It was really funny for like an hour. And then he just started talking crazy. He's lying on his back saying he's connected to everything and people would just not not enjoy it just take a social dose well that's what we're talking about we can't figure out um what a social dose is because you don't unless you're making the brownies yourself and then even if you make the brownies yourself you could fuck up the first time you get it too strong and i don't have that time to to be mastering the right dose of brownies.

Smoking it is the way to go. Well, I loved you in Calgary too, Jen Ab. Calgary was the shit. That was fun, man. That was a good fucking time. A Stone Universe tour. Yeah, I should do that. You know what would really be cool?

Eventually, right now we can't do it, but eventually we're going to get to a point where we can do stone shows. You know, like I could do a show like somewhere, like in Amsterdam they have those cafes where they allow you to smoke weed. If we had a place like that in America. Hopefully in November. Yeah, hopefully in November, but I don't buy it, man. I think the DEA is going to fucking put the kibosh on that shit. The problem with the drug movement is that making drugs illegal is good for business. And making drugs legal puts a lot of people out of work.

It puts the DEA out of work. It puts private prisons out of work. It puts prison guards out of work. It puts parole officers and fucking police officers. and guards out of work. It puts parole officers and fucking police officers. Literally 50% of the people that are in prison are in prison for nonviolent drug offenses. How many of those are weed? And what happens when weed becomes legal? Oh, it's a fucking colossal mess. So what they're doing by keeping it illegal is really protecting business. And it sounds crazy. And it sounds like nobody would be doing that. There's no way the government's that fucked up. No, it really is. It's that fucked up. That literally is what it is.

The reason why it's still illegal is all because of money. There's no one dying. There's no one getting cancer. There's no one losing their fucking mind. There's no, yet it's still illegal. When you can go to fucking CVS and buy jugs of wine and cheap liquor and cartons of cigarettes and you could smoke cigarettes and drink yourself to death. Easy. Easy. You know, literally you can't die with pot. I mean, you can't. I mean, I guess you could do something really stupid when you're stoned and wind up killing yourself, but

if you're that dumb, you probably would have done something stupid anyway, you know? And when they say don't die with pot, though, you could totally die if you, say, start panicking because you're stoned and then your heart has a heart attack. Die. I've never heard of that. Have you?

So you don't think that ever happened? Somebody's got too stoned, started freaking out, then their heart fails or something? I've never heard of it. Have you heard of it? Oh, I haven't heard of it. I mean, because they can't link saying that the weed is like... Let's look. Let's Google this.

If you're a weak-ass bitch. Weak-ass... Weak-ass... I'm going to Google weak-ass bitch heart attack from weed. Yeah, heart attack weed. the weed is like let's look let's let's google this if you're a weak ass bitch weak ass weak ass i'm gonna google weak ass heart attack from weed yeah heart attack weed heart attack from weed let's see can marijuana cause a heart attack yahoo answers let's see marijuana said to trigger heart attacks okay this is just wiki answers. Wiki answers are stupid because people answer. That's how I thought that whales, that killer whales used to kill people. I read this online in a couple different places. That killer whales used to kill people until World War II.

And then people were using the whales as target practice. I read this online and I talked about it on the Adam Carolla show. And even though I said, I don't know if it's true, I read it online. That after World War II, after the bombers, you know, killer whales stopped killing human beings and actually started saving them. Which would be really fascinating. Hold on a second. But it wasn't true.

It was just fucking wiki answers, man. Some crazy whaling guy on wiki answers. And I had to like chase it down on my website. Marijuana said to trigger heart attacks. Harvard. Harvard University. Five times. Five times the amount of having a heart attack. In the first hour after smoking pot, a person's risk of heart attack could rise almost five times.

God damn. That's if you're a weak-ass bitch. Or if you're just one step away from having a heart attack because you eat a lot of meat or something like that. Be careful, weak-ass bitches. I'm going to write this. Be careful, weak-ass bitches. I'm going to write this. Be careful, weak-ass bitches. Yeah, see, that's why when you say that, like, marijuana is not a kill, it went true. It didn't poison anybody.

It didn't, you know. But if you have some other problems and you smoke weed, absolutely. Same thing could happen if you lick shoes. You know. What? There might be something allergic on a shoe that could trigger off a sinus infection that will make you die. I really don't know where you're going with this. I have no idea.

Okay, so I just tweeted that. Careful weak ass bitches. Marijuana can give you a heart attack if your ticker sucks. And you can read the story. Yeah, I mean. If you really are going to get a heart attack from weed because you're freaking out i i definitely think that there's another problem the real problem is that you're in terrible shape and you need to take care of your body that's the problem it's not pot you know it's like the way i've always described

pot not being able to help dumb people is that you can't you put jet fuel jet fuel in a fucking lawnmower it's still a lawnmower you know right you put jet fuel jet fuel in a fucking lawnmower it's still a lawnmower you know right you know you put jet fuel in a jet and it's pretty badass but the bottom line is you know it's all about what kind of hardware you're dealing with and some people just have weak brains their brains just suck i mean have you ever met people when you look in their eye and you're talking to them you're like wow like there's no hope for this dude this dude's just dull like i'm looking in his eyes. I'm not making any connection. It's like talking to a dog.

He's like a fucking idiot. There are people, and people don't want to admit this for whatever reason because there are people that aren't dumb. They're just troubled and their lives have fallen apart because they've got all sorts of issues and people go, oh, that guy's a retard. But he's not really a retard. You know he's kind of smart. There are people like that that are just troubled and fucked up, and perhaps they never figured out what it is in this

life that they're good for or should be doing. But there's definitely people with weak-ass, nine-volt brains that are just supposed to be out there digging ditches. And to deny that, it's just unscientific. If you look at the entire fucking universe, man, it's all about things improving and getting better. And if you look at human beings, there's all sorts of things, there's all sorts of programs and things set up to make sure that the weak can still survive. They don't drop off. And when that happens, you're going to create a bunch of dumb people. And having those dumb people around, look, they all fit their purpose. They're all here for a reason. But if you're going to have a fucking Nikolai Tesla, if you're going to have an Einsteinolai tesla if you're gonna have an einstein for sure you're gonna have ditch diggers dudes who are here to ditch dicks ditch dicks

you know it ditches you know it probably is it's probably they set the retard uh bar so uh low in like the 1900s that they just haven't raised it yet you know there should be maybe a test or two that we have we haven't been doing that makes people that instead are dumb, they're just retarded. You know what I'm talking about? This person is so dumb, they are retarded, but they're one test away. We don't ever want to say that because we want to say, oh, you give people a chance and everyone's got a chance. I think there are certain people where it's very much cultural. It's very much they're raised in an environment where no one's questioning

anything. Their role models are all dunces. They grew up in a family where people would scream and yell at each other for no reason. And they just, they live in this stupid world. And so they imitate their atmosphere and they become stupid themselves. There's people like that. So it's not an exact science. But the problem is there's a lot of really fucking dumb people, man. When you see those videos of those people that go to those Sarah Palin book signings, those teabagger people, and they're all up in arms against the government, there are some wooden minds in there, just some dull motherfuckers. You know, that's really a problem that everybody has to have a say. Like, how do you fix that? How do you fix that?

How do you fix what we got going on as far as the idea of a democracy? The idea of half the people or more have to agree or have to – I mean the idea of a real democracy. If more than 50 percent of the people are retarded, which I think they are. I would say more than 50. More than 50 percent. How the fuck do you move forward? How the fuck do you – the only way to do it is to make those people smarter is to figure out a way to educate those people to raise the number of dumb raise the number of uninterested uninvolved do you think 50% are retarded like like they have bad brains or just education environment you know I have I

know people that are great people but but for whatever reason, they just don't think the same way that my other friends do. They're not thinking about putting their seatbelt on because they don't want to get in a car accident. They just get in the car and just drive. They just don't have a part of their brain that's not working. Just thinking outside the box thinking. But do you think that's how they were raised? Is it nature or nurture? No, I think it's just they're not using the same parts of their brain. It's almost like I just don't think that they have that in them.

I don't know. I wonder how much of that is due to environment. Like how much of it is due to pollution. How much of it is due to what your mother was eating and doing while she was... Totally, probably. Totally that. Totally that. Yeah, that has to have a big effect.

I mean, if you go on YouTube and search me smoking cigarette, you'll see some guy in West Virginia just sitting there smoking a cigarette and you can tell just by looking at him he's retarded. But yet he is probably not considered retarded. No, and he can vote. Yeah, and he can vote. Yeah. Like I had a conversation.

I've been having all these conversations about religion on the Rogan board lately because of all this Catholic scandal that's going on. And I don't know if you know the latest, but they've proven that the Pope knew about pedophiles and hid the cases. that the Pope knew about pedophiles and hid the cases. That before he was the Pope, that he knew about these pedophile cases and he did everything that he could to shield the information and protect the priests. It's like, man, how could you not think that the Catholic religion is a cult at that point? At that point, it's a cult, right? I mean, it's a cult, period, definition-wise. But at that point in time, you're like, how could this possibly be good?

You know, if at the very top top this kind of shit is going on how do people get tricked into that how how is that possible you know how how are people so silly that in 2010 this is still considered a possibility like maybe they're right maybe these kid fuckers are on the ball maybe they're the ones that we need to follow you know maybe this crazy organization in in italy maybe they're the ones that we need to follow. Maybe this crazy organization in Italy. Maybe they're the masters of all the knowledge. Is that nature or is that nurture? What is that? Is it both?

I don't know. I think it's the same thing that when you talk to certain people, they don't get technology. They're not informed as much as other people. Right. Is that nature or is that nurture? I mean, how could people – see, to me me and to you when we look at gadgets and new things like, you know, we'll both like Brian, like find some new thing online, like, holy shit, look at this.

And they'll send it to me or I'll send something to him. You know, and you look at it, you're like, oh, what are they doing? Look what they're doing with that. This multi-touch fucking interface, like a minority report type shit or anything, anything new thing like that stuff becomes fascinating man i think though the later the more we kind of kill off a certain age group of people that didn't grow i think the more people are going to research for themselves religion and stuff like that i think religion is probably their future of religion is probably going to be a lot

different in let's say the next hundred years than it's ever been ever i think it's probably more people have like realized how ridiculous it is now than ever before you know i don't think there's ever been more questioners and there's probably never been more options either you know with scientology and the moonies and anything else and new ones that are popping up left and right there's all these new ideologies that are that are popping up left and right. There's all these new ideologies that are popping up left and right. People are offering new alternatives. And it can't last. It's just going to be too much.

There's going to come a point in time where we know the truth. It's not going to be something that we have to wonder and make a judgment call on. It's going to be like, oh, I know you're full of shit. Oh, I know you're lying. Oh, i know the information you're giving me is not truthful i can read this i can understand this we have an intuitive sense of what's wrong and what's right and we also have an intuitive sense of when people are lying you know when someone is not being honest with you or or when you ever be talking to someone and you know that they're secretly like hoping that something goes wrong with you.

Like there's some secret hate, you know. You ever been talking to someone. On the internet every day. Yeah. Yeah. But you know that feeling where somebody really is like they're being douchey to you. Like there's something there. Right, right.

And you can't describe it, but you get a feeling from them. You know, there's instinctual feelings that we have, you know. is a big one man that's a big one when when someone's being deceptive and someone's lying to you does that not drive you fucking bananas doesn't that drive you crazy well yeah i mean but you you have to also think that the person the reason why this person's acting like this or something like that it's because it's something that they don't like that you've done to them or that something that you do or, you know, so then you have to either, but that's not always the case. Sometimes it's their own shortcomings that's causing them to be insecure. I mean, you know, I mean, we were talking about earlier, this girl that's upset at this other girl, you

know, I mean, think about that. I mean, what is that? Where's that coming from? That's not, and no one did anything wrong there. You know, it's like sometimes it's their own shortcomings. It's people choosing you over another person. It's someone seeing something that someone else has and saying, well, that should be me. How come this guy is successful? How come this girl is so happy and I'm not? They get angry. I mean, there's a lot of shit to human beings that's not logical. But we can feel that. When you're talking to someone, I mean, how many times have you talked to a dude? I've talked to a bunch of dudes where I know there's some weird jealousy, hate thing when I'm talking to them.

And I try to just be as nice and friendly as possible. And like, listen, man, we're just meeting for the first time. I don't really know you. Don't make this a personal issue. You think you have this rivalry with me because you see me on television. And you don't like the fact that I'm doing something you want to do. But I'm just a dude. You're a dude. I'm a dude.

And the reality is I'm not taking your job. The reality is I got this job. And the other reality is you can get something like it too. You can become exactly like me except your own version of it. Anybody can do it. Anybody can be successful in any area that they pursue. can become exactly like me except your own version of it you know you can anybody can do it anybody can be successful in any any area that they pursue you just have to figure out your way through the fucking path it's it is possible you know i mean look mugsy bogues was a fucking basketball player

who's five foot six yeah you know i mean anything's possible you know there's there's there's it just has to be your own path. And I think human beings especially have a real problem being jealous of other people and being upset at other people. But my point is that you can feel that when someone does that to you. And we're going to be able to tell when people are lying. We're eventually going to be able to tell. That's for sure something that's evolving in us with with language and with consciousness we're figuring out deceptive behavior we're figuring it out because we understand it we recognize it in ourself and the more truthful you are the more easy it is to pick out lies and other people yeah

and just so much information too yeah just like twitter alone has probably killed a million relationships you know yeah and a million rumors, too. You pretty much can't do anything nowadays. Imagine being married, and imagine going to a bar, and then you meet this girl and you start talking to her, and somebody goes, oh, hey, there's that person, takes a photo of you, puts it on their Twitter.

Now you are just being caught in front of five million people. It's like you can't, you pretty much have, we're gonna all have to start wearing disguises, like fake mustaches and stuff, and like... Yeah, you know what it's gonna be? It's gonna be like that fucking movie with Tom Cruise.

What was that crazy movie, one of Stanley Kubrick's last movies? They all wore masks and they banged each other. Oh, yeah, with... What the fuck was that? With Nicole Kidman? Yeah, with Nicole Kidman, yeah. What the hell was that movie? Somebody knows. Stanley Kubrick? Yeah the fuck was that? With Nicole Kidman? Yeah, with Nicole Kidman. What the hell was that movie? Somebody knows. Stanley Kubrick?

Yeah, what was that? Shit. Somebody will fucking come up with it. I'm just going to sit here until somebody comes up with it. This chick says, don't cheat then. How hilarious are you?

Jenna BBB. No, nobody knows the answer to this fucking movie. What is this goddamn movie? Eyes Wide Shut. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. Yeah, of knows the answer to this fucking movie. What is this goddamn movie? Eyes Wide Shut. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. Yeah, of course you shouldn't cheat,

but the problem is dudes want to, and we're programmed to. Well, it's not even cheating. You could have just met this person at a bar, said hi, and just started talking, but Mr. Camera Phone behind you took a picture of you, and now you're fucking... Shit's all crazy now.

You can't do anything. For sure. But the reality is, the reason why it's an issue at all is that human beings, especially men, are wired to try to populate an entire village. Right. Because that's how the best sperm survives. And, you know, that's why all these crazy conqueror motherfuckers like Tiger Woods, you know, these guys that are so uber competitive, that's why he had so many chicks, you know.

It's like, the guy's just doing nature. He's spreading his seed. If this was, you know, 2,000 years ago, that would be totally normal. But it's like an offshoot, you know?

Get out of here, spouse. It's an offshoot of, you know, a fucking warrior instincts, you know? He's out there conquering and then he's conquering,

you know? He's like doing what he's supposed to do. He's like driving forward. Yeah. Women are wired to grab a man and keep him for protection. Yeah, that's true too. Yeah, that's definitely true.

Sex addiction is total bullshit. Is it, you sex addicted motherfucker? I would have to disagree because I know some people that are totally addicted to sex in a different level than I am. Yeah, you don't know. You never met some friends of mine. Did you ever talk about the lotion? No. You should talk about it.

I have a friend who used to do a thing called shooting. And what he would do is he would get these running pants, like those really thin sort of like, it's almost like a nylon. Yeah, silky. Really silky running pants. And he would literally rub the crotch with a fine grit sandpaper. And then he would baby oil his balls and his shit, his junk, and baby oil everything. So it's all nice and slippery.

So he takes this super thin running pants and he puts them on over his baby oiled shit. And then he would go get lap dances and he would just shoot in his pants because you know the girl would be hot and she'd be riding on him his dick would get hard it was literally like sex like oh and he'd had he was like obsessed with his work you know he has his own company and so he would work like these long hours and you know and you know he was very successful millionaire youaire. Had the whole thing. Big fucking house in the hills. He had the whole package and he worked all day.

So he had no time for relationships and he had some bad experiences with women so he thought women were just trying to rip him off and this chick that he was dating, she wound up cheating on him and he got his heart crushed. So he just decided to just go shooting and this would be his day. He would go to work work all day then he would uh get something to eat and then he would

go shooting or he would go shooting on the way home and then he would get something to eat and then go to bed and do it all over again and that was his all of his relationships were lap dances he would just go he got caught eventually didn't he well he fucked up once and he went and he put too much baby oil on or I think he used lube and literally his pants were soaked and so the girl the girl sat on him

she was like what the fuck what'd you she thought he pissed himself she was like what are you doing what's wrong with you he was like

oh I'm sorry he said I was so embarrassed and he left and you know he leaves with this puddle and his pants of baby oil and lube and it's like dripping

into his socks and shit see that's addiction that's sex addiction or that's some fucked up shit oh I don't know i mean i think it's kind of like i mean he's into massages he was into like being rewarded for his hard work he was into like fine food and massages and if prostitution was legal he would just hire hookers like if it was like a if it was like an acceptable normal thing to do like he lived in you know some foreign country you know where they were they prostitution, he would just go to the prostitutes and get serviced and then go home. There's a fucking – I don't understand how people have allowed that to be illegal. How do you stop that?

Why do you stop that? Mostly health reasons, I think. Yeah? You don't want fucking AIDS going rampant and like everyone having herpes really though I think it's gotta be that but if you go to brothels they have to check those girls

they test those girls if you go to a brothel in a country that's respectable supposedly they're testing those girls just like they test porn stars yeah you know I don't think it's a good argument

because I think that if you're paying attention more it's a lot safer than if you know if it's some fucking underground thing where these you know there's probably a lot of's a lot safer than if, you know, if it's some fucking underground thing where these, you know...

There's probably a lot of violence that comes with it too, though. You know, people going a little bit too far and raping a person. Yeah, but wouldn't it be safer if they did it in a brothel where there's security

and where people get screened and they know someone's not crazy and they have security there everywhere? I mean, that makes much more sense to me than some poor girl

has to put a fucking ad in some magazine and then show up. You remember that girl that came to the comedy store one night? We talked to her. She said she was a hooker. Yeah. And she would respond to ads.

Mm-hmm. And she would only go to them, right? She wouldn't let them come to her. Is that what it was? Right. Yeah. She would go to them so that she had an address, you know, and she would tell her friend, hey, this is where I went. So if anything happens to me, I don't come back.

You know, somebody killed me. Yeah. You know? And she would, you know, she would go these places people's places and she would fuck them it was like it's crazy she was like super honest about it you remember that shit what was it she was meth if she's a meth head wasn't that she acted like a meth head but she told us i don't told us what she did yeah i think she said she did meth you know and you could if you had like a real brothel i think there would be like a lot less crime.

There would be certainly way less rapes if dudes just get laid, you know, and people would settle down. And, you know, it's like the, this, when you really did fall in love and you're really with a woman, like there wouldn't be this, like this, like overwhelming desire to be with someone just to have sex. Because you could always have sex. You could just pay for it if you wanted to. But, you know, being in a relationship would be a relationship where you you really enjoy being with that person you know they wouldn't like especially if you live in a place where it's hard to get laid like if you live in boston or something like that it's hard to get laid in boston it's not easy man those girls what do you just want to use me you just want to use me and

then you get in your car you drive home oh I didn't even know women were nice until I moved to California man I had no idea you know that's funny it's true totally true that's angry people oh so goddamn cold it's cold it's just a goddamn disaster you know there's a it's a lot of a lot of tension you know and a lot of people there are all go-get-em too. You know, they moved there, they're immigrants, you know, their grandparents were immigrants, and they moved there from another country. That's some serious go-get-em shit.

Take all your stuff, pack it, get in a boat, sail across the fucking world, and start in some new place, and learn the language, and learn, you know, how to... I mean, that's how go-getter these people were. So the people that initially came to this country on the East Coast, those are all savages. And the people that went West are all the people that wanted to get away from the savages. All the people were like, these fucking people are crazy. Get me out of here. And they all took off.

And the furthest they could get was here. That's why people in California are like the most laid back and the most progressive. I mean, it literally is because they're the ones that are the ancestors of the ones that wanted to get the fuck away from where they were. Yeah. You know, go try the thin running pants next time you're in Houston. Um, I don't think so, man. I think you probably still get diseases with thin running pants, but, uh, listen, it's a fucking, it's an excellent possibility. I should add that whole story to my whole Vegas routine.

Yeah. Because it's totally true. Joe always talks about 2012. New topic. Who the fuck are you talking about, dummy? I keep answering this chick's tweets. When did we talk about 2012? We didn't bring that up. I have no idea your mouth shut your dirty dirty mouth this guy says I use naturally speaking 9.5 on the PC it's

pretty good I have a little bit of speech impediment due to my cerebral palsy you speak much clearer than I do so you should have no problem I believe there's a new version huh i wonder though if that's the pc one is better does anybody know if the better pc one the the pc one rather is better than the mac one or is it it would make no sense if if the pc one's better used to be that way it used to be that the uh that the pc one was better it definitely used to be but uh i don't know. Now that Mac users are like 8%,

10% of the population or something. What is it now? I don't know. Yeah, what percentage is it, man? I have no idea. There's a mental game one can play called Channel the Alien, wherein one can find the answers to complex

questions simply by visualizing an ancient alien from beyond pretending to channel the answers try it sometime you'll be surprised okay so what this guy is saying this holy chaos 23 is that you can find the wise answers to things by pretending to channel an alien who has the wise answers. What the fuck are you talking about, son? Why did I even think about that? What are you getting your weed, bitch? Because that shit is strong. It's a little too strong for you.

You're off the track and into the woods. Your fucking train is knocking over trees right now. That doesn't make any sense. I guess I kind of see what you're saying and I sort of do that sometimes where I say to myself, okay, if I wasn't me, how would I advise myself?

And I pretend that I'm talking to a much more intelligent version of me guiding my life. I do do that. But I don't pretend it's a goddamn alien. I just try to think of what is... Objectively, separate myself from my life and what's the best advice I could give myself

if I was smarter than I am. I just thought about it again and I mad at myself for trying to think about it twice. That's funny. Don't do shit ever. I think you're silly, fella. Channel the alien. Okay.

Look at this guy. Puny human. The reason Red Band isn't paying attention is because you talk about the same shit every show. Then don't tune in, faggot. You don't have to like it. It's all free, bitch. Ron Jeremy fucked your roommate. Whoa. Somebody's roommate got fucked by Ron Jeremy. I'm glad you like him, dude. All right, let's go to page one, see what questions we got here.

How do you think the world would turn out if it were to be divided by believers and non-believers? Would the believers eventually end up just raping and murdering the non-believers into their cult? I hate these questions. Yeah. You know, the real problem with believing and non-believing is nobody fucking knows. You don't know and nobody knows. You shouldn't be a goddamn believer. We should be a questioner.

We should try to figure things out. But whenever anybody tells you they got the answers, that person is either full of shit or they want your money. Period. No one has the answers. You don't know. It's impossible. There's no way.

Have I listened to any Daniel Dennett's lectures? No. I don't know who Daniel Dennett is. Do you know who Daniel Dennett is? No. I will never find that out. More information, son. More information.

See that dude go off on me about the last podcast, about politics? Yeah. He emailed me. He made a thread about it. He fucking tried to contact me on something. I am. It's an interesting topic, you know,

because I go back and forth on it, and I agree with you to a certain extent. It really is silly. You can waste so much of your energy thinking about politics, back and forth on it and I agree with you to a certain extent it really is silly um to you can waste so much of your energy thinking about politics but then you know the argument is we're supposed to be governing ourselves governing ourselves in this country and that you get the option to vote and you know you get the right to express your opinion and you can actually change the world but I don't know if you you can. I'm not completely convinced.

At this point, with the amount of money that they're able to contribute to campaign funds that giant corporations are able to, they're literally shaping the way people see things. They're putting ads and manipulating people's thoughts and getting people to believe things that aren't necessarily true, all so they can push a certain agenda so that somebody can make money. I mean, the situation is totally corrupt. I mean, so much money is involved in politics now,

and so much money is involved in, you know, in running the world. And, you know, just look at what Obama's done with this, all this fucking bailouts and this. When you look at this whole health care system thing, someone has to be making money. There's no way they'd be putting this much effort into this whole healthcare thing if it was just about keeping the people healthy and making sure that people have medical coverage. It's not. There's money involved in it. It's corruption. It's going to get crazy. And it's a goddamn money grab, just like the bailout

is. Yeah. And it's all very, very boring to me. And the real thing about it is, it does get boring. The real thing about it is you can never have all the information. It's impossible. And it's a trap. I care about the things I want to care about about the government. Meaning if they decided to make a bill about banning the internet or that cats are going to be illegal, then I'll care about that part. That's that part of it.

But I'm not going to sit there and try to figure out everything from A to Z about our government and freak out about it because you know what? I'm freaking out about my mail being delivered today. I have my own shit. And if I did that, I'll just be an angry person. People would argue. Fuck that shit. Yeah, I agree with you. I see your point.

But people could also argue that that's apathy. People could say that that's what's wrong with this country is that people don't care. But I say that until someone acknowledges the fact that this system is broken, we need a radical overhaul of this system. A complete restructuring of the way we do business in this country.

It's called moving to Canada. It's not even moving to Canada because they're corrupt too. There's a big scandal. The Minister of Finance, I believe, is involved in a big scandal in Canada. People are corrupt, man. It's human beings. People are less corrupt in places where people are less ambitious, like Canada, where people are more laid back and friendlier.

You know, and that's one of the things that's cool about Canada. People are just like, they're less crazy up there. They're a little cooler, a little calmer. You know, I think that, I think, you know, you could waste your whole life trying to understand this system and be a part of it and argue it and go to court. And it will become your everything. And it's a system that we're born into. We're born into this system that we did not choose. We have no control of.

And it's so comprehensive and so fucking intertwined that just to study a single branch of it would take up all of your time. If you just wanted to understand the stock market, that shit would take up every fucking hour of every day of your life just trying to figure out how all that shit worked. And even then, look at that fucking guy, that Bernie Madoff motherfucker. That guy was ripping off people who understood the business. That guy ripped off everybody. He ripped off millionaires and shit. He ripped off fucking Steven Spielberg.

He ripped off all these really big name people. So that means nobody knows how it works. Nobody understands that thing. Could you imagine if your whole life is dedicated to studying the stock market. You're a supposed expert. People ask you for advice. And meanwhile you got fucked. It's a damn con game nobody understands it fuck politics it's not politics we're talking about man we're talking about the whole system we're

talking about money we're talking about everything and we're talking about this attitude of fuck politics it's like what what can be done That's the big question. What can be done to make the world better? If you had any say in trying to figure out what direction we could go to make everything easier for everybody, what would you do? Have everything make a lot more sense. Because right now, everything from the schools,

the taxing, everything about the government makes no sense to the average person. But if they can have a website you have to go to every day and go, Okay, guys, today's topic of the day, do you think that slavery is legal? Yes, no. And then have the whole country vote right there and make it super planned out and easy and make it something like that. Because right now, no one gives a fuck what's going on on you know right when you start talking about education and money and stuff like that you get into really complex subjects it's not that simple it's like having people vote because then you run into the same issue like people just put out propaganda oh if slavery is not legal that means the iraqis will attack us and they'll rape your baby and next thing you know slavery is legal

again i mean people are dumb, man. Yeah, I know. But it should be a vote though system because right now it's like no one gives a fuck. No one knows what's going on. Like if there's a vote online whether or not you should be killed

tonight, right now. Right. If people watch this podcast, maybe 60% of the people would want you dead. Well, obviously. For real, that's how crazy people are. I know, I know.

That's true. You can't like allow people to have a decision. That's why all this know. That's true. You can't allow people to have a decision. That's why all this shit's all broken anyway. You can't fix it. No matter what me, Red Band, thinks about fucking any of this, it doesn't matter. It's going to happen the way it's going to happen.

You just called yourself by your internet name. I know. That's from that thread. Everyone was calling me a third person. Who cares about a Red Band? Red Band was designed for Mac computers and cats. I agree completely. Because who the fuck cares?

I can't change anything. Even if I could, one person, I don't want to dip up my life to see if I could or not. I don't give a fuck about that. It's like baseball to me. The real problem is it does take away from everything that you enjoy. And people say, well, you have to fight for your rights. Do you really? Why don't you just have your rights right that's the real goddamn problem the real

problem is that i have to think about this fucked up system at all right that it's so broken you have to keep an eye on it 24 hours a day because people are just stealing and getting us into fucking wars and making terrible decisions and they'll blame it on all these troubles that are happening in other countries but when you start fucking reading into it and you find out the shit that we do that causes all these troubles you know god damn no wonder why everybody fucking hates us we got our dirty little fingers and everything so it's like it's not me it's not me that has my dirty little fingers in afghanistan and iraq and you know and fucking all sorts of shit that goes on in third world countries and it's not you either yeah you should be able to fucking pursue

what you want to do and the idea that you have to go over there and in third world countries, and it's not you either. You should be able to fucking pursue what you want to do. And the idea that you have to go over there and kill some people to do that, it's just, damn, in 2010, we pretend, like, you go to Australia, like, when we went to Australia recently. Dude, people in Australia are so fucking cool. They're so fun to be around. They're such a friendly culture. What if we decided to go to war with Australia?

How nutty would that be? All of a sudden, we're supposed to be tricked into believing that we have a problem with this continent that we've never been to. It would probably happen in our lifetime. If it didn't, it's because we're going to war together as a group against some other motherfuckers. That's really the only reason why we're not. It's because we've decided to band up and

go jack these fools and take their shit. But it's amazing that our system... There's no other system though. I mean when you get 300 million people in place, what the fuck? There's no other model of how to run a 300 million person empire and to do it correctly where people think it's fair. Because people are just – it's part of life is an intelligence test. And part of the intelligence test is, how susceptible are you to manipulation? I mean, literally, it's like a game. It's like, there's

people like these evangelists that you see at 3 o'clock in the morning that are fucking talking a certain cadence and especially that black guy with the hot dog rolls in the back of his neck. You know the guy I'm talking about? That motherfucker is always spouting out some Bible shit, but he's doing it so charismatic and he's

sweating like a pig and everybody in the audience is going bananas. And it's an intelligence test. The intelligence test is, do you believe this guy is so confident? He's speaking so clearly. Do you believe what he's saying? Because if you do, you're a dumb ass, you know, he's just tricking you by being so confident in what he's saying. Right. And that's what it really is. It's like this, this whole world is like a gigantic intelligence test and even at the highest level people are failing left and right if you start getting into these the Republicans want to control the house

what the fuck are you talking about like look what you're talking about you're talking about nonsense if everybody just stepped back and said this is all nonsense this whole thing sucks stop we're not going to fucking keep going with Windows 95. Shut the fuck up. Okay, Windows 95 sucks. We need some new shit, okay? Do you have NT? Do you have Windows 2000? Where's Vista? Where's Windows 7, you motherfuckers? Where's Mac OS? Windows Me.

That was a dark, dark time in American history. You know, we need a better operating system. And the problem is we don't. We just keep patching up the same stupid fucking system we've always had. So what do you do? Do you just sit back? No, you don't move because you're going to be under control of some other motherfuckers. Yeah, but how I look at it is like if you have a neighbor's dog that's barking, you know? You can either sit there and deal with it for as long.

But once it gets too bad, you have to do something about it. And so that's how I feel about it. If I still wake up and everything's fine, nothing's really affecting me on an everyday basis enough to care about it, then I'll be fine. But if something fucking crazy happens, like they decide to do something that's going to affect me, then I'll just be like, you know what, fuck you. I'll move on because I don't give a fuck. I'm not like United States for the rest of my life I don't care I'm sure living in Australia

is hard when you move a bunch of times move around a bunch of times in this country you realize United States doesn't have one mentality and then when you move

or when you travel to other places you're like god I could live here I could easily live in England it's a huge planet dude England is pretty dope I like living in it

the weather kind of sucks it rains a lot but dude people are fun as fuck I enjoy it there I love doing shows in England England is fucking fun. I like living in it. The weather kind of sucks. It rains a lot. But, dude, people are fun as fuck. I enjoy it there. I love doing shows in England. England is fucking fun. You know, you could live in England.

You could live in Australia. Shit. You would have no problem in Sydney, dude. You'd have to wear sunscreen. That's it. They have no ozone layered up there. Everybody gets jacked. There's skin cancer.

Everyone's rampant. They have these big ads on billboards about skin cancer. Really? It's everywhere, dude. It's a real problem. But, dude, people are friendly. The weather's beautiful. You know, the fucking, the coastline's gorgeous.

You'd have no problem there. You know? The idea that this one fucking place, you know, from one ocean to another ocean, that's like so 5,000 years ago. Right. You know? That we're fighting for our land. Like, Jesus Christ. Especially in America, to years ago. Right. You know, that we're fighting for our land. Like, Jesus Christ.

Especially in America to think that. We're just, when you're a citizen in America, you are just like riding in the balls of the dick

that's fucking the world. You're just a part of this gigantic machine that's just boning the world. You know? Two planes come over here and smash into buildings

and we lose our marbles and we wind up killing a million civilians in Iraq and justifying it that we're keeping ourselves safe over here and smash into buildings and we lose our marbles and we wind up killing a million civilians in iraq and justifying it that we're keeping ourselves safe over here it's fucking nuts man what's the answer god damn it what's the answer internet people what's the answer twitter people there's no goddamn answer there's no goddamn fucking answer it doesn't exist if you lose your marbles you can't buy new ones because they don't make them anymore. Yeah, the marble industry is way out of business, man. Yeah, pretty soon I think it's almost going to be like how the internet

kind of... In the old days, I wasn't talking to people from England every day and Australia. And that kind of broke that wall. I think in the future there's not going to... Religion kind of fizzles out a little bit more. I think even just countries are going to fizzle out more because we're probably going to be just teleporting to Japan every day. You know, like, hey, I'm going to go to Japan. I'll be right back. Well, boundaries are definitely

dissolving. And the only thing that keeps us in this one idea is travel. You know, it's difficult to get in planes. Then when you land, you have to be screened. What's the next plane? What's the next jet plane? It's probably going to be something like sending our brainwaves to another body in Japan. We have a backup body. If we get to a position where we talked about before,

we talked about Twitter and Facebook and this connectivity that people share right now. We're connected so much more now than we've ever been before. If we really do get to a place where no secrets will exist, and this connectivity that people share right now. It's like we're connected so much more now than we've ever been before. If we really do get to a place where no secrets will exist, where everyone will know everything, you'll be able to read each other's mind,

we'll be able to access each other's information, maybe that's the only way we'll ever really have a real government. When we'll really realize that we really can't bullshit things. That we need to have to come clean about the fact that we live in a crazy dictatorship that's dressed up as a democracy where these gigantic corporations are making millions of dollars and we just have to just accept the fact

that we're under their rule. The same way they accepted the fact when they lived in fucking England they were under the rule of the king and all these different countries that are controlled by monarchs. They have to accept that. It's clean and they know what the fuck it is.

Like in Thailand, there's a goddamn king, period. That's what it is. There's a king and you've got to deal with that shit. You can't talk shit about him. And maybe it's either that or we realize we can't do that anymore. We realize we can't live like this anymore. Maybe that's the only thing that's going to save us. Maybe it is technology.

Maybe it'll get the people who are actually running things to realize how ridiculous it is when everybody knows they're bullshit. I don't know, man. It's a fucking tricky situation. You know? Stupid. We are completely headed towards an age where lies and deception will fade away, yet we will never

understand all of everything. I think that's what we were just talking about. It's contradictory? Yeah. Yeah, it is. But we were just talking about so that's it's contradictory yeah yeah it is but we're just talking about what's what's here right now and you know and what what may or may not be possible in the future i mean the idea that we're going to get to an age where everything is connected that really is speculation man i mean we don't really know if we're ever going to get that far we don't know if we're going to get hit by a gigantic meteor or fucking polarized caps or shift or i mean when you look at the history of the Earth, who the fuck knows what the hell is going to happen to us, you know? There's always some new shit going down, you know?

You know what the nuttiest thing about, like I was watching these solar system documentaries today? The nuttiest thing is how many different planets have been hit by planets, you know? Like there was a thing on Uranus about how they recognized there's rings around Uranus and they believed it was some sort of a collision and they were talking about moons colliding

and eventually Uranus' moons, they're real close to each other, eventually going to slam into each other. Like, god damn! Can you imagine

if we realized that Earth was getting hit by a planet? It was like a hundred years away. If we saw a planet, yeah. I mean, how long would it take for a planet, if we saw a planet, yeah, I mean,

how long would it take for a planet to hit us? I mean, like, I think they were saying that Uranus's year, like a year in Uranus is like hundreds of years.

I think it was 160, I don't remember what it was, but it was a bunch of years. Their winter alone was like 60 plus years. I think that's what they were saying. How many,

you know, that's a long ass time. How many years you know, that's a long-ass time. How many years would we be able to recognize, like, if a planet was headed our way? Like, if there was an inter-solar system intruder. Like, a planet that's in another solar system. I think it seems like it would be faster. It just seems like it would just happen faster for some reason. Even though it probably isn't, you know?

But why would it seem like that if it takes a year for the Earth to go around the sun, right? Right. Doesn't it? Isn't that what the whole deal is? Well, I mean, it's like, it's... The Earth spins in a day. It's like asteroids, you know, we...

It goes around the sun in a year, right? That's pretty goddamn close. It takes us a year to go around. If some shit was coming in from another planet, it wouldn't come that fast, would it? Unless we're moving towards it as it's moving towards us. Who the fuck knows? The point is,

that's happened. That literally has happened to Earth. There used to be Earth 1, which was just a different planet, and then it got hit by a planet,

and that created the moon. Fucking nuts, man. Yeah. That would end all the bullshit. All the Tiger Woods, all the Jesse James, all the fucking

healthcare and tea baggers and, you know, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. All that shit would just stop if we saw

a giant planet in the sky that got a little bigger every day. Holy fuck. Could you imagine? It'd probably be pretty cool

if it wasn't going to hit in your lifetime. You know? It'd probably be pretty sweet. Like, look at the death hit in your lifetime you know it'd probably be pretty sweet like look at the death moon coming sucks to be you son would just die of heart attacks and then other people would just go raping and pillaging and murdering there would be a bunch of different things would happen there would be people that would live like just savages they would just commit all sorts of incredible atrocities and steal and do all kinds of other shit. And then there'd be people that would just become total hippies.

Just have orgies and be more straight love. That's probably what more people would probably do, I'd probably imagine. Really? Do you think so? People would probably be like 9, 11 times a million just being sad. And there'd probably be so many specials on TV about it and songs. Man, religion would pick up like a motherfucker. Oh my God. They would figure out some passage in the Bible that related to

this and that they figured out a way to connect the two of them together. God damn, that would be incredible. That's so possible. That's happened. It's happened in other solar systems. I'm sure it's happened here. It could happen in our lifetime.

That would be fucking bonkers, man. If we saw it was ten years away. Like we have a real issue. Would they even tell us? There would be rumors on the internet. I don't think they would tell us. I don't think anybody would talk about it. Let's see what other questions we've got up in this bitch. I think my cat just took a shit in there so it might smell.

I heard a lot of scratching. But you're a cat man anyway. Hey, MayhemMiller12, when you say Joe is being a dick, I'm telling you, it's distracting to me, and it keeps me from being able to do this podcast well. I ask them to not do it. So, you're being a dick. I wasted my question on religious bullshit. Marbles are not dead. Wow, the marble world is still huge, apparently. Okay, let's go with the questions here.

What is the best substitute for the current monetary system? This dude wants to know who the fuck knows right you can't i don't think you can have shit out there in the fucking numbers in computers that can't it's got to represent something right that's the the problem with money is it doesn't really represent anything you know it kind of represents more ideas than anything it's not like one piece of gold you know is one dollar and you know, it kind of represents more ideas than anything, it's not like one piece of gold, you know, is one dollar, you know, and that piece of gold is sitting in an account somewhere, and you can go, you know, cash your hundred dollar bill in for a hundred pieces of

gold, you know, it has to mean something, you can't have it just all numbers in computers, because people just can fuck you, you know, like you've been going through, I don't know how much you want to talk about this, but you've been going through, I don't know how much you want to talk about this, but you've been going through some bullshit with the IRS where they audit you and fuck with you. Numbers and story numbers and how much numbers did you put on this and how many numbers went to that.

It's politics to me. Is it? Yeah. My brain does not care about any of that shit. But that's how I've always been with that. Anything that, that I'm forced to do almost, I almost don't care about, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's sort of one of the reasons why, you know, people sort of become artistic in the first place. You know, I think one of the reasons why people become artistic is because, you know, you're, you're fighting against a bunch of shit you don't like and you, you go

against the grain and you wind up doing something that's shit you don't like. And you go against the grain. And you wind up doing something that's totally unconventional. That's how people become musicians and comedians and artists and stuff. On the side street. Off the path. Yeah, that's why it's so weird when a comedian enters into the world of politics. Or something like that. Like Al Franken.

Yeah, that's strange. But that dude is like a serious historian you know like that seems like it's sort of like a project for him like he really knows a lot of shit what about our kids i don't know what about our kids man what the fuck is gonna happen what is gonna happen no one knows man it's a strange world we live in it's a strange world that's the weirdest thing when you have kids you start wondering like how is this little person going to be survive how they're gonna how are they gonna be happy and this this crazy world as it gets nuttier and nuttier and more goddamn earthquakes

you know earthquake in baja mexico a couple days big one in indonesia today i mean we're having earthquakes everywhere dude it's getting really weird right yeah, it's like whoever opened up the treasure chest from Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark, you know, it seems like something fucked up happened. I know. Isn't it weird how many people want to think that it's because of, like, U.S. government experiments that they're creating earthquakes?

Like, how nutty is that? How nutty is that idea that the U.S. government is like, I know what we need to do. We need to start causing earthquakes everywhere. That's stupid. It's hilarious, though. I mean, it's hilarious how many people want to believe nutty shit like that when it comes to anything that's happening. They always want to find someone,

some human who's pulling the strings in some gigantic diabolical scheme. You know, a diabolical scheme with an earthquake machine. They're just pointing it at all these third world countries and just fucking people up. Like, how hilarious is that? What a nut what a nutty ass way to look at the world. You know, I don't think that's what's happening. I think that the earth is getting very pissed off

at us. I think, uh, you know, it's, uh, it's about time. It's shaking us off, you know, not really consciously, but I think shit like this just happens. You know, I mean, look at what's going on in the moon. There's craters all over the moon, and nobody ever did anything bad on the moon. The moon is just another little planet. Shit happens. Volcanoes erupt all over the world. Earthquakes happen. The topography of lifeless planets constantly changes.

It's going. Is it that we're having more earthquakes right now or is just that we have twitter could be that too could be that yeah i don't really know to be honest with you all i know is what i'm hearing and i'm hearing about them more than i ever heard about them before but i've not i've done looked at it at all i've done no research you know it does seem like we're hearing about it way more than we ever heard about it before. Yeah, but we also have more information pumped through our eyeballs every day than we've ever had in our life. Yeah. Ten years ago, I would only have found out on my Laserdisc player.

Yeah. Well, you know, you would have found out ten years ago if it was really big. It would have been a newspaper. People would be blowing up my pager. Yeah. I found a pager the other day that I used to have that my dog had bitten into.

It was all fucked up and jacked. It was hilarious. That's funny. Yeah, I don't know, man. You know, I got no answers to that. I don't know if it's

happening more or if there's more information but there's definitely more information. That's for sure. That's 100%. Whether or not the earthquakes

are happening more. It just seems like they are, man. Everybody's scared. I'm about to lose a shitload of viewers. Lost starts. Well, you know what? We're about at two hours anyway, and that's the way we like to end it.

So we'll have one more topic, try to end it well, and then we'll close it off. Is it weird that you're so into conspiracies but hate movies that have a twist ending? I don't hate movies that have a twist ending. I love fucking movies with a good twisty ending that I didn't see coming.

What I don't like is when movies fake me out and they say, oh, it was just a dream. That drives me bonkers. And I'm not really into conspiracies. I'm into the real conspiracy. There's real things that people have conspired, like Enron. The problem with the whole term conspiracy theory is you bring it up. Someone talks about conspiracy theories, and they bring it up automatically.

Any rational person, any thinking person does not want to be associated with conspiracy theories. Because conspiracy theories make you seem like a loon. Conspiracy theories, the way it's been labeled, make it seem like you're a silly, frivolous person, that you believe in ridiculous shit. You know? Yeah, well, I think if you just tag it with the conspiracy theory name, but I think if you don't believe the conspiracies,

but you think that's an interesting approach to an idea or something. Like people that just think 9-11 was done by our own government and they don't think anything else and stuff like that, that's a sick way to think of anything. You should never put all your eggs in one basket type thing. Putting all your eggs in one basket is a real problem.

We've talked about that before with our friends with certain subjects. People love for there to be mysteries that they can unsolve. They love for there to be mysteries that they can unsolve. They love for there to be some hidden information that they can unsolve, whether it's about 9-11 or about anything. But the reality is,

unless you really, really, really research shit, most people are just talking out of their ass when it comes to these subjects. And when you do start researching shit, you realize, well, you can't just blanketly discount or discredit all conspiracy theories just because it seems like a ridiculous thing because a lot of them are fucking real the gulf of tonkin the fucking operation northwoods there's a lot of different shit that the government has done and different

companies have done cigarette companies have conspired have conspired to hide the facts about tobacco and to make sure that people keep smoking them and people are addicted. This motherfucker is hook, line, and sinker with the cigarettes. You're locked in. How many smoked today? Three. Does that drive you bonkers? No, because it's relaxing when I smoke a cigarette. But you don't worry about your health?

Every time I smoke a cigarette and my lips caught on fire, then I would hate it. What about like our friend that just died? You know, stuff like that, thinking about your body just giving out on you and that doesn't drive you nuts? Well, I think it does to a point, definitely. But I also think like, shit, I might fucking have skin cancer right now and I don't even know about it. You know, it's just you either think about death all the time or you don't. So the red band approach is just to live life casual and carefully. Just live life, be a happy person.

And let everybody else fight your wars and do battle. Just let everyone else stress the fuck out. Let everyone stress the fuck out. Do you ever worry about your, you ever think rather about, not worry, but do you ever consider your position in this world? Or do you just try to just live? I don't think about anything like that at all. So you don't think about life.

I think about my happiness and that's pretty much what I think about. Making sure that I'm happy and people are happy around me. I just want to be a happy person and I want my friends to be happy. But do I care about anything else about fucking cancer or anything like that?

I try not to. So when the stormtroopers come, you're just going to pack a bag and run to the hills? Fuck yeah. I don't give a fuck about borders. Like your own joke. It's interesting because people can, you know, you can criticize that. You can say that's apathy. You know, like this discussion that we had on the board.

But I don't think they're right. I don't think they're right. I think at a certain point in time, it is a foolish notion to try to control a corrupt system. It's a foolish notion. It really is. I can see both sides of it. I can see people saying, well, if everybody thought that way,

there'd be no government, there'd be, oh, this is bullshit, you know, you have to fucking stand up. I can see that argument, but I can also see yours, man. I see your argument. I think you're right, you know? A lot of people, Ari has that same argument

Ari says why do I care it's not going to affect me why do I care and in a certain way it really doesn't but in a certain way it does

like social things like you know Obama not going after the medical marijuana that makes a big difference to me you know that's big

to me like real state issues like legalizing medical marijuana in the state of california that's something worth fucking voting for that was a huge thing that's real that's a real issue that got resolved and it changed a lot of people's lives and it changed the whole climate of california people are way more relaxed people are way chiller you know the access to weed is through

the roof it's there's never been more access to weed in this country ever than right now that's a real issue that was resolved by voting. So it's almost like state voting, voting on state issues like that where you can actually pick the issue. Like that's real shit. That's real. Local politics seem to be real. You know, this is the reason

why California is so in debt. We got an actor to be the fucking governor. You know, we went with a dude that seemed like you know, he was a no-nonsense actor. And we took this fucking dude who was an action film star and we made him the governor. And shit just hit the fan. Hit the fan running.

You know? It's fascinating. You know? Because politics on a local level seem to be real. But politics on a national level is, yeah. Yeah. It's not. It doesn't seem very fucking real.

The end. That's the end of this podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Brian's good for two hours. That's good, yeah. He starts fading. He needs his coffee and a binky. So thank you very much for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen. And don't you worry about me and Brian and our argument.

I love this little fucker. And he loves me too. We're just trying to make sure that the podcast goes well. Don't you worry about me and Brian and our argument. I love this little fucker. And he loves me too. Just trying to make sure that the podcast goes well. That's all it is. There's no hate. We've been friends for ages. Thank you for everything.

We will see you guys next week. I got to go to Abu Dhabi this week for the UFC. That shit's going to be crazy. I've never been to the United Arab Emirates before. But it should be fascinating. I'll have some pictures. And for sure I'll have some stories. Definitely for sure I'll have some stories, definitely. And I'll see you bitches next week. So thank you very much for tuning in.

Follow us on Twitter. Brian only has a few thousand Twitter followers, and he's very, very upset about that. He's at Redban, R-E-B-B-A-N. And he's very upset about your Twitter followers. I'm so upset. How many do you have right now? Actually, I upset about your Twitter followers. I'm so upset. How many do you have right now?

Actually, I just got like 100 recently. I don't know if it's because of the DVD or what. Oh, is it on the DVD as well? Well, my website's on the DVD, or my name, Redman. Oh, there you go, bitches. Maybe it is because of that. So right now, Brian is at, let's see. I think it's like 1,500. I think I just went today.

I'm so close to 103,000. Oh, I just went today. I'm so close to 103,000. Ugh, I'm so close. I'm like 65 away. It's hard to get new Twitter followers, man. You know? It's like, I don't know exactly what you get. You've got to mention it everywhere, and you've got to tweet a lot of interesting shit.

But once you do, man, it's so important. Like, for promoting gigs, and for letting people know, like, shit you're doing. Like, hey, I'm going to be in this town. Like, this is the best way for people to find out what you're doing. You know, there's no better way to promote things, you know, and who knows what the next stage of that is. Easily consumable. Easily consumable. Ladies and gentlemen, this is easily consumable. Hope you enjoy this.

This is the end of this week's Ustream podcast and we will see you bitches next week. Thank you. Love you. Bye.