The Joe Rogan Experience - #1502 - Russell Peters

Episode Date: July 3, 2020

Russell Peters is an actor and stand up comedian. His latest stand up special "Deported" is now available on Amazon Prime.

Russell! Joseph! My man! Oh, we're live. We're live. We're sort of live. Hello, brother. Always good to see you, my friend.

You too, thanks. It's been a while. Midday drinking, I like it. Sometimes you need it. I had a steak for breakfast. I saw you post something about that. Yeah, I was like, fuck it. I don't want to eat breakfast food today.

I want to eat a steak. What kind of steak? I got it from Evan Funke, who's the head chef of Felix, and they were preparing to reopen. Felix is my favorite restaurant in Venice. Have you ever been? No, I've not. Phenomenal. Brian Cowan turned me on to it.

Okay. And they came in, him and the owner, Janet, came in to do a podcast, and they gave me some steaks. So I cooked one of them today. What kind of cut was it? It was a T-bone, fat, big, thick T-bone. They were about to reopen and now they got shut down again. Do they not have a patio they can open? I don't believe they do and I don't even think you're allowed to do that now.

No, I think you're allowed to patio still. You're just not allowed to eat indoors as far as I go. Well, that's good. I went to the deli by my house yesterday and I went, can I sit inside? They're like, no, it's not allowed anymore. I go, oh. So I had to sit on the patio, but it was fine. They were going to do something at the comedy store where they were going to serve chicken

fingers and just food and allow people to drink. Yes. And just start opening it as a restaurant only. Yeah, I saw that. And I guess it's not happening now. No, they shut it down because right when they were about to do it, then LA shut down the restaurants. It's so shitty. Well, it's real

shitty, man. It's real shitty. And what's extra shitty about it is, you know, they were almost out of the woods. They were right about to reopen again. Yeah. But because the uptick. Yeah, California spiked harder than everyone else almost. Yeah, well, we had a lot of protesters. And then Florida. Yeah, it was a lot ofick. Yeah. California spiked harder than everyone else almost. Yeah. It's like Texas, California.

A lot of protesters. And then Florida. Yeah. It was a lot of protesting. Yeah. People want to pretend it's not the protesting. I'm 100% for the protesting. Don't get me wrong.

But I'm also 100% for freedom. America. I'll tell you what, boy. Yeah. I mean, look, it's just natural, man. You get a few sick people and you get 10,000 people, 50,000 people huddled together, people are going to get sick. Yeah, and they're that close yelling at each other. Yelling.

Literally yelling. Screaming. So it spits flying. Apparently, particularly at night times when it spreads because Brett Weinstein, who's a biologist who was on the podcast. I saw that one. He sent me a paper that said that there's a recent study that shows that COVID-19 dies almost instantly when it hits sunlight. Yeah, that's why it's ridiculous they closed the beaches. Yeah.

That's where you should want everybody. Right. Just stay away from each other. Just stay socially distanced. Killing COVID. Right. Wear your mask when you're getting up and leaving. And then when you're sitting down, stay away from everybody.

And everybody will be fine. It's not rocket science. The problem is that people are aren't going to listen. Yeah, but I mean still. I mean, you got a much better chance of it dying out there by the beach. Yes. And, you know, Fourth of July weekend they did it. It's only going to rile people up further.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I mean, I'm really worried about this state. I really am. The state of California or the state of the country? Well, the state of the country, for sure. But California in particular, because it's so many cases. And then the homeless population. Have you ever been by Brentwood lately?

Have they moved them all there now? They've got a fucking tent village set up there. Jimmy, see if you can find photos of that. They used to have them under the bridges here in the valley. Set up there. Jimmy, see if you can find photos of that. They used to have them under the bridges here in the valley. My friend Matt was talking about it. He works down there, and he was telling me how insane it is. He's like, they're never going to leave this.

They have it set up now where they have a community. Yeah. And then you have to stay socially distant inside the tent community, and a bunch of people don't want to follow the rules. So they're outside the tent community. So you have fences. So you have the people inside the tent community that are set up with six-foot distance. So it's basically an HOA under the bridge now.

Yeah. Well, it's not under the bridge. They're using the veterans something or another, the VA. They have some large yard. Right. And then outside of the fence, they have the people that are rule breakers. So they set up their tents just outside. They're like, fuck you, pussies.

We're over here making out. They don't want to have any rules so they don't want to deal with the socially distant goods if you're inside the tents that they've set up and created for you you have to follow the rules so those are probably the ones that are following the rules are probably the homeless people that just you know took a bad turn financially and then the other ones that are acting up probably the drug ones la is getting a government-run tent city. All it took was 40 years and a pandemic. But they're saying that like it's a good thing. Yeah, like finally. Yeah, that's what they're saying.

But, you know, this is going to, first of all, this is going to crush property values. This is in Brentwood. Not that property values are the most important thing. Don't get me wrong. But they're an important thing. Especially in that neighborhood. Yeah, that's a very valuable neighborhood. And if someone has invested all their money into their home and they're hoping to sell their home,

and then all of a sudden the home values drop radically because nobody wants to live right next door to a tent city. See if there's any photos of that fucking thing. Because the photos are pretty dramatic. Maybe they're trying to hide it because they're trying to make it. You know, that's one of the things, man. Everybody's sugarcoating everything out here. They're sugarcoating and then there's the fucking overreactors. It's a very insane time.

Yeah. You know why people overreact, though? It's because it's not the same for everybody. Like, I have a friend who got COVID. He's 37. He was clear of it in three days. In three days. He felt like shit.

He couldn't smell. He couldn't taste. Three days later, he was on Z-Pak and something else and just stayed home. And he got vitamin IVs every day. And then three days later, he's going on a 25-mile bike ride. Three days. Three days, he's fine. I don't know if it's a good idea to go on that bike ride, by the way.

Yeah. But I want to see what happens, so I'm not saying anything. I hope he wears a mask. Yeah. I want to see if it makes him feel like shit if he goes on the bike ride or if he feels great. I was talking to DL because, you know, he just got diagnosed. Yeah, I saw. That was really scary.

And he was like, no, I got nothing. He's fine? Yeah. He said, I felt nothing the entire time. Well, he coughed a little today. He had a video, a little bit of video. He was hilarious. He's like, oh, my coed a little today. He had a video, a little bit of video. He was hilarious. He's like, oh, my covis is acting up.

Yeah, yeah, I saw that. That's because he probably smoked a joint right before that. Probably, right? But it was scary watching him just slump into unconsciousness on stage. And whoever that guy is that caught him, that guy's a fucking hero. That's his road manager, I think. Well, his road manager's a fucking hero. Because if DL fell, he would have smashed his head

on that stage and you got real problems then. Yeah. Because he was just sitting there and he slurred his words and the audience was like, what the fuck did you just say? Like they couldn't understand what he said. You saw the video? I did not see the video. Let's see if we can find it.

I only just found out there was a video of it like two nights ago because Cedric was at my house. DL is a fucking great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. I used to open for him. You know that? No shit.

23 years ago. He's smart as fuck too. He's a really smart guy, but a really good guy too. Yeah. Really good guy. Really honest and open-minded. I think a lot of the- Here it is right here.

So he's on stage and I guess his road manager fellow, that guy right there, gives him a drink of water. He puts the water down, and this doesn't have any volume, unfortunately. There it goes. Here it goes. We've been in quarantine so long, and we came back. Remember, I wanted to get rid of the Thanksgiving's? They were immigrants.

Right, everybody's like, what? See, now what? Hear that, what? But now watch. He just slowly starts slumping. Look, that guy, that road manager is a fucking hero. Because that guy was there. Oh, his head still hits the bone, yeah.

A little bit. But what I was worried was a stroke. Because sometimes that happens to people. First of all, the way they drag him off the fucking stage. Like, hey guys, one of you pussies actually carry him? They didn't even let him finish his set, though. They're dragging him, though, bouncing off the... I know, they didn't let him finish.

Just throw some water on him. Yeah, come on. We're comics. We can get through this. They said like, we have everything okay. And everyone's like, yeah right. You don't have nothing under control. Yeah, nothing's under control. Joe Rogan meets a crazy stripper. This is not happening. The real scary thing was the

slurring of the words. Yeah. He was at my house about less than a month before that happened. One night on May 30th, I had them over. We had cigars in the backyard, socially distancing. Of course. It was me, Cedric, DL, Jay Phillips, Dwayne Martin, and we're just hanging out and having drinks. You like cigars?

You want a cigar right now? Midday cigar. Fuck it. Let's go. Fuck it. Fuck it. Let's go. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'll do a midday cigar and a little midday bourbon. Mike Binder gave me these.

He came over when he's doing that. Oh, in the documentary. Nice. I like Mike. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. The documentary looks really good, man. Yeah.

I went into the store and did it. Oh, did you? Yeah. That's probably the best place for him. Yeah, it's good because it gives the energy of the room, you know? Yeah. He wanted to do it good, man. Yeah, I went to the store and did it. Oh, did you? Yeah. That's probably the best place for it. Yeah, it's good because it gives the energy of the room, you know? Yeah. He wanted to do it here, though. He wanted to get he and I talking about it.

Take that. Take that, take that, take that. This is an interesting one. Look at that. This is from Benchmade Knives. You get the coolest shit sent to you, dude. Look at that. Like a guillotine.

It's my move. It's my move, a guillotine. Is that your move? That's my move now. Really? It's a good move. You know, because of you, my other move is an in-arm choke. Head and arm choke?

Yeah. And so whenever I get it or I get in position for it, Sean Jack would be like, Joe Hogan choke. The Joe Hogan choke. That's hilarious. Yeah, that choke fucked my neck up. I was using my neck so much to squeeze against dudes' arms. Oh, because you flatten out and do that?

Yeah, but you're actually using your arm, excuse me, your neck rather, to hold someone's arm into place. someone's arm into place. So it's nice to hear that you've been training, man. Yeah. It's nice to have been training. Is it legal now? They're going to arrest you for training?

What happens? It became legal, and then I don't know if it's still legal. But I was doing it with Jay Zabellos and Mark Armstrong, whom you both know, I would imagine. Oh, yeah. Jay's great. Jay used to run the Malibu place. I was going over there for a while. It was a really easy drive.

He's a super nice guy, too. Really slick on the ground, too. Yes. Oh, yeah. Really. High-level black belt. Yeah. And real technical, too. Those guys that that teach there's something to be said about teaching I've often wondered like whether or not that would actually translate to comedy as well

Because teaching martial arts makes you way better at it Well, no when I got really good at Taekwondo one of the ways I got really good I was teaching all the time and There's something about that teaching break Because you end up breaking it down. Yes, yeah. My friend Brent, he was one of Eddie Bravo's teachers, one of his instructors. And when I first started rolling with him,

we were both like purple belts together. And then he started teaching. He quit his job and started teaching. And when he started teaching, he jumped up like huge like he had made this like before we used to i don't remember how we used to go but it was close but then once he started teaching man he became fucking super dangerous man i remember it was like a way harder role i was like holy shit man this is amazing. And it was really just for teaching. Yeah, my game changed training with Mark and Jay every day for like a month and a half. Like my game completely changed from I used to just, you know, you rolled with me last year. And I always tell people what a fucking gorilla you are.

How's it like rolling with Joe Rogan? I go, you ever rolled with a gorilla? That's what it's like, rolling with a fucking gorilla. Well, it's not fair. I've been doing it a long time. No, I know. Since 96. Yeah, so my game was always just defend.

Just defend, make sure you don't get got. I wasn't going to get you, but you weren't going to get me. Mind you, you got me. But so that's what my game became after that as well. And then it just changed. Something happened, and I became from defensive to offensive now. offensive now yeah well once you catch a few people yeah you know the real secret is drilling and that's the thing that people don't enjoy doing people really enjoy rolling they really enjoy sparring because it's so fun eddie bravo explained that to me once a

long time ago he's like everybody loves to spark because it's so fun but they don't work enough time spend enough time rather on really developing new moves. But if you spend enough time on developing new moves, then the sparring becomes so much better. But you just have to be disciplined to do the drilling. Right. I do get bored doing drills. It's boring. Ten this way, ten that way.

But if you do it and you do it with sincerity, you have to do it like almost think about it like you're actually pulling it off. Because a lot of times guys go through the motions with drills and they don't think of it as something that they are really doing they're just kind of like oh yeah this is how I do it but they don't think they're actually applying the choke but if you could think of it as like this is really happening I'm really passing the guard I'm going knee on belly they buck I take the back I get the choke I sink

it in it they tap and then you do it in. They tap. And then you do it again. And you do it again. And you do it again. And then one day, you'll be sparring. And in that sparring, the same thing will happen. You'll pass the guard. The person will move. You go knee to belly. They'll go to their back. You take the choke. And it's like, when that stuff happens, it's so satisfying.

You learn. I made the biggest leap from blue belt to purple belt. And that was because I was hanging out with Eddie. And we were drilling a lot. He was maniacal about it. You guys started at the same time? No, he was way ahead of me. He was really good before I started. He was a really good purple belt

when I first met him. Maybe, yeah, like purple. Yeah, right around purple. And then when he went off to, in 2003, when he went to Sao Paulo, he was a brown belt. He was really good, though. And then he tapped Hoyler, and then when he went off to uh in 2003 when he went to sao paulo he was a brown belt he was really good though and that's when he and then he tapped hoyler and then when he came back sean jock gave him his black belt he gave him his own black belt he did he took it right off his back yeah he took well he tapped two world champions he tapped gustavo dantes in the first

fight and then he tapped uh hoyler gracie like it was crazy shit and then i heard hoist chased him down in the parking lot or something. No, that was a different time. That was a different event. That was the second time he had a matchup with Hoyler. But it was, you know, he was never disrespectful to Hoyler. It's just sometimes people get things twisted, and then, you know, you don't see each other in real life.

If you talked to Eddie Bravo about Hoyce-Gracie, it was never anything but respect. Hoyce is a cop now. Hoist became a cop. He's actually a cop? He's a cop in Idaho. What? Yeah, go to the real Hoist Gracie.

I thought he lived in California. Well, you can shoot people in Idaho. I don't know, man. I mean, he's a real... Did he not want a lot of action? I don't know. He's a gun enthusiast. I follow him on Instagram. He has a lot of gun stuff. And I know. He's a gun enthusiast. I follow him on Instagram.

He has a lot of gun stuff. And I'm like, I never really understood the connection. I'm like, a lot of the fighter guys, a lot of fighter people that I follow are all into guns. And I'm like, some sort of survivalist mentality, I would imagine. Our newest reserve police officer spent hours in the rain going through training drills and completing the Idaho post firearms qualification. Hoist.

Motherfucking Gracie. That's so weird. If there's a Mount Rushmore of martial arts, there's only one face that is absolutely on there. And that's that guy. Yeah. There's not a fucking doubt in my mind. That guy's face needs to be on there.

And Martin Short too in the middle apparently. They really can't be a Mount Rushmore of martial arts because there's not enough heads. Even if you had a Mount Rushmore of MMA, how are you only going to have four heads? There's a lot of people that came in and changed the game. Yeah, there's too many people. You have to have GSP. You have to. You have to.

Two-division world champion. Dominated the welterweights. Revolutionized the way people think about athletes training for MMA. When he was at the peak of his championship skills, he was unstoppable, man. When he beat John Fitch, when he smashed BJ Penn, like those days. And then he came back after retirement and beat Bisping. And beat Bisping at 85 and put him to sleep with a rear naked choke he actually was better he actually looked better after four years out it's a long time away too it's not like a you know month off yeah he's

mount rushmore for sure mighty mouse has to be mount rushmore you know people forgot you forgot but you watch those mighty mouse fights back when Mighty Mouse beat Cejudo for the first time. When he beat, I mean, fucking the Ray Borg one when he threw him to the air and caught him in an armbar on the way down. I remember that. God damn, dude. That was crazy, though. Mighty Mouse, when he was in his peak, was something really special. I have a friend of mine who trains with Mighty Mouse. It's an Indian kid who fights.

A saint lion. Is he fighting for 1FC? Yeah. Yeah, 1FC is amazing, man. Guru Darshan. Yeah, they have some really tough fighters over there, and Mighty Mouse is still stomping them. Yeah, I'm hearing that one might try and start up by the fall out here in America. Really?

In America? Good luck. That's what I said. I said it doesn't make sense. You might as well stick to Singapore. Yeah, Singapore, they're huge. Are they allowed to do shows right now? I don't know,

but I think the rest of the world's opening up, but they're not letting Americans in. Isn't that crazy? Well, it makes sense. What did we do? How did we fuck this up? It's funny because, you know, America was the one that was stopping everybody

from coming in. Now the rest of the world's like, hey, hey, wait there for a second, you fuckers. What do you think it is? Is it that so many Americans are overweight? Is it the protests? It's the, it's that blind entitlement. As a Canadian, I could tell you this. There seems to be like a blind entitlement with a lot of Americans where they, I'm American.

I can do whatever I want. I'm like, yeah, you can. But can you just listen to a little bit of reason for a minute? Here's why this is happening. I'm like, no, you're invading my rights. And I'm like, I get that. We're all frustrated with it. I'm with you on this.

But for the betterment of the rest of the country, if you could just wait a little bit. I just wish there was an awesome treatment. So if he got it, it was like my friend who's 37, I don't want to say his name because I don't think he's talked about it yet, but when he got it, he was a little bummed out at first and then two days later he's like, this ain't shit.

Three days later he was like no symptoms at all. Listen, I did the test on Monday. I had your guy come to my house. Well, he was like no symptoms at all. Yeah. Listen, I did the test on Monday. I had your guy come to my house. Well, he sent somebody. And I was negative. I did the finger one, the blood one, and the nose swab. Negative on all of them.

But I think I had it, dude, in January. And I had like a brief one. Yeah, but, dude, if you had that FDA-approved antibodies test that concierge MD uses, they would catch it. I think that a lot of people thought they had it because there's the regular flu and there's regular colds. Yeah, but I never get those either. You know what I mean? Yeah, but you can. It's true.

You're a human. It's true. And then a lot of people, I think a lot of the testing results are getting marked wrong. You think so? Yeah. Listen, I had a friend pass away during this whole thing from uh he died of cirrhosis of the liver and liver cancer and because they did a covid test they said it's covid related yeah that's rough they do and i'm like come on that's fucking bullshit because i spoke to the doctor less than 24 hours before

he passed away and the doctor said he's got three to six months. My doctor told me that. There's quite a few cases of people that were literally at death's door from cardiopulmonary disease, and they got COVID and died, and they called it a COVID death. And he was upset about it. He was like, I understand because a lot of these hospitals are privately funded, privately owned, and that's something I didn't really even consider. I always thought a hospital was like some sort of state-run thing. I mean, I never thought about hospitals. Did you?

No. See, again, I'm from Canada where they're all government-run. It's free. Yeah. Well, they have to make money, you know. And basically this guy was saying, look, the doctors are doing their best. And it's not that they want to be deceptive and it's not that they're doing it anyway but he goes but hospitals are like any other business there's a bottom line and they have to make money and if there's an incentive for them to call something a covid death and they

receive extra funds especially in a time like this where they're really hurting financially it makes sense but it all you know it really highlights why a state-funded medical, some sort of a, if we had the way Canada has it. Canada's not perfect. No. I mean, listen, it's not the best. But it's pretty good that you don't have to pay. It's efficient for what you need it to be. You need something extra done, yeah, you might be better off paying a little extra

to get something done. But as far as regular shit, you get a cold, go to the doctor. You break your arm, you go to the doctor. Yeah, well, I have friends that have had

real problems, like shoulder problems and knee problems. They need surgery and they've come to America to get it. Oh, yeah, no, that's the way it works.

Same with my dad when he had cancer. The treatment he wanted or needed was in Philadelphia. Yeah. So it's like privately funded stuff, stuff that costs more money, where the doctors get – they have an incentive to become excellent, right, because they can make more money doing it. Like specializing. Yeah.

But then the Canadian government still picked up the tab for it. Oh, really? Yeah, because it was a service that wasn't available in Canada. That's sweet. Yeah, so they were like, alright, we got it. Yeah. That's a divisive thing over here, man. And that's where I go... It is weird that it's divisive too, because it's like, it literally

benefits everybody. Do you know why it's divisive? Because the people that are healthy at the time are arguing about it. They don't want to payive? Because the people that are healthy at the time are arguing about it. They don't want to pay. It's the people that are healthy at the time. They're not looking at it long term. But you would think that these politicians would be for it too because they're all old as shit. Yeah, but they have money.

That's true. They've been corrupt and taking money on the take. I'm a Bernie Sanders fan. And that's one of the things that I really like about what Bernie Sanders was saying. Bernie Sanders was saying that it should be a fundamental right as an American citizen to have health care. It should be a fundamental right as a human being anywhere in the world. Yes. The way I look at it, I mean, people have all these little weird arguments about it, but the way I looked at it was like, aren't we a community?

about it, but the way I looked at it was like, aren't we a community? So if we're a community, if we're going to take care of things, we should take care of fire department, right? You should have a fire department. Tax dollars pay for that. You should have a police department. Tax dollars pay for that. What about health care, education? All those things should be, there should be all those things taken care of.

Yeah, I don't, again, I've only been here 14 years, so I'm learning about the education system now in America. Well, we thought Obamacare was going to cover it. That's what a lot of people thought. When Obama was talking about it and they were trying to get the Affordable Care Act passed and get everything – we thought, oh, this is going to be it. We're going to be cool. But it seems like – what is it, nine years later? It's like 12 years later? How many years is it now?

Well, he's been gone for four. When did he start it, though? He started it, I think. He had an eight-year term. Yeah, wasn't it in the middle or the beginning of his second term? Is that when it started? Or the end of his first term, somewhere around there. So let's just say it's seven years old.

Yeah. Still, it's not much different. Is it much different? Jamie, do you know? Well, being different. it's not much difference. Is it much different? Jeremy, do you know? Well, being different. I'm talking,

I know, like, well, part of it being different. He's spacing out. No, I mean, I mean,

is it easier to get healthcare? Is it better? It was. Some people got it taken away from him already. Because of Trump? Yeah. That motherfucker. And then,

and then there was also the, the people that were against the Obamacare because they said it made their rates go up. Yeah. Yeah, there was that too. Yeah, there was that too. Yeah, there was a bunch of people that were doctors that were upset about it. They were saying it was too expensive for them.

There's just so much fucking red tape and everything nowadays. It's so hard to be a person. It's like being on a movie set, you know? Hey, can I get a bottle of water? Can somebody get a towel and a bottle of water? Sure. Don't plug that in, whatever you do. Yeah, right? You plug something in,, whatever you do. Yeah, right?

You plug something in, the Union Electric guys. Yeah, fuck, dude. It's so crazy. I did a movie last summer, and I became friends with all the drivers because they were all Teamster guys, and they were all Italian. And I just break their balls

when we're driving back and forth. They fucking loved me. It was like, hey, it's lunchtime would come, and they'd be like, hey, Russell, Mikey C says don't go to lunch. He got you a sandwich from our spot. And I'm like, oh, thanks, Mikey C. Nice. They were good guys.

There's something to be said for Teamsters. Yeah, it's, we got a lot of people, man. I think that's part of the problem. Yeah. Part of the problem in this country, we got a lot of people. If we're, you know, humans are designed to live in little villages, I think that's part of the problem yeah part of the problem this country we got a lot of people if we're you know humans are designed to live in little villages I think I think when you get us into these big large groups of people shit gets weird yeah well everybody wants to establish your dominance just a

little bit of that too yeah and there's a bunch of different ways to live everybody wants to establish that their way is the best way. You got to do it our way. Yeah. And there's no one way. There's no one way. Fucking Eddie. Are you doing any shows right now? I did. I did Miami this past weekend. What'd you do?

Five shows. The improv? Yeah. Wow. So the first time in three months? No. Two weeks before that, I did the American Comedy Club in San Diego. That was the first time.

They've been open for that long? Yeah. So that was good. It was like 75 people a show. The whole comedy store is open again. Already? Yeah. It was good, though.

I had a good time. And then Miami, I was getting a little leery of the numbers and the stats coming out. So I would literally stay in my hotel room until showtime, go to the show, do my shows, no meet and greet, and bounce right back to the hotel. Were you doing anything to take precautions? Were you taking supplements? Yeah, I'm on a bunch of shit, you know. I got this anti-aging doctor that I see.

Were you taking vitamins, though? Yeah, I'm taking a bunch of vitamin D. Some stupid amount, like 20,000 or something like that. Really? Every day? A vitamin D? Or maybe 10,000 a day. I take 5,000. 5,000 I use every day.

Yeah, I take two 5,000. Damn, look at you. I'm getting the D. Hey, wait a minute. It's hard and you can't go outside. That's one of the really rough things, right? The best way to get vitamin D is really from the D. Hey, wait a minute. It's hard and you can't go outside. That's one of the really rough things, right? The best way to get vitamin D is really from the sun. Yeah, it was 15 minutes at a time or something. But I get dark as fuck when I go outside.

Yeah. And I got this stupid sun spot right here that I'm always paranoid about. Oh, does it get darker when you get tan? Yeah. It gets hyperpigmentation. Tried lasering it off a few times. But again, in California, it's difficult when I go to these places. They need a special laser for brown skin.

Oh, really? I'm like, you're taking a brown spot off. How difficult can this be? What is it from? It's just a birth thing? No. It developed over the years. It was a tiny light spot.

It looked like a splash. But it's nothing dangerous. No. And then it just, you know, just hyperpigmentation. As you get older, your skin gets weaker, I imagine. Yeah, a lot of folks get those weird little black, like Morgan Freeman's got those weird little black spots that stick out of his face. Yeah, it looks like he's got black sesame salt. It's strange, right?

Yeah. What is that? I don't know. Again, I think I'm getting them somewhere on my neck. I've got one of those now. On him, it kind of looks better, though. Gives him that... Distinguished.

Distinguished, speckled look. Yeah, that guy can do no wrong. Has he ever been in a bad movie? What's a bad Morgan Freeman movie? What is a bad Morgan Freeman? I don't think he's... See that? He's like one of those guys,

if he's in a movie, I'm comforted. Mm-hmm. You know? I'm like, all right. It's going to be a good movie. He will drive Miss Daisy. And he'll do it with class. He's got great hair, you know?

You know what I'm saying? He's got a solid head of hair and a great voice. He's like our generation's James Earl Jones. Not that our generation didn't have an in James Earl Jones, but he's like our second backup James Earl Jones. That's interesting. You see they're doing a Jack Johnson movie? Are they really? Yeah.

Who's playing Jack Johnson? Mahersha Ali. I don't know that dude. Yeah, the guy from the Green Book, the black dude. Oh. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Wow. Does he know how to box? I don't know. Apparently he did, I think he did a Broadway version of Jack Johnson or something in 2000. Oh, no shit. See if you can find some, that's crazy, that was 20 years ago. Yeah. 2000 is 20 years ago.

Does that seem right? He seems so slight, though. Like, he doesn't seem like a big dude, but he looks a lot like him there. There he is. Yeah. Wow. But Jack Johnson had those giant 13-inch wrists. Did he really?

Yeah, he has a massive wrist. I didn't know that. Yeah. Massive wrists, huh? Yeah. Wow. Unruly. Hold on.

Go back up. It says HBO limited series. Oh, it's a series. Interesting. That's my favorite fighter of all time, Jack Johnson. Well, you want to talk about a brave man. I mean, that guy was knocking out white people at the turn of the 20th century. And he would punish them.

Yes. He wouldn't just knock you out because he knew he could knock you out. Right. He would hit you on the joss of your knees, buck, and step in and hold you up. Yeah. And he would say shit to you. Not yet, boss. Not yet.

You're going to have a long night tonight, boss. Ooh. Just beat the shit out of him. Ooh. He would hurt him and just hold him up. No, no, don't fall down. I want you to take this beating. That to me is like the ultimate fucking gangster move.

I have one of those Roots of Fight shirts with him, and it says the Galveston Giant. But when you look up how big he was, he wasn't very big. He was like 5'9 or 5'10. No, no, no, no. I think he was more than six feet tall. But back then, he was a giant. Yeah. Because his wrists.

He had big, he had thick. He was a thick dude. I think he was only like 200 plus pounds. Like a little, like. Yeah, he wasn't over, he wasn't much over 200. Yeah. Yeah. People just didn't have any food back then. No, he was dense though.

Like his body was fucking. He was, the stories about him are incredible. There it is. Look at him. Six feet tall, 200 pounds. And he was a giant back then. Isn't that crazy? The Galveston Giant.

His fucking forearms are bigger than his biceps almost. Damn, he did have some giant-ass forearms. Yeah. You know, he fought middleweight Stanley Ketchell. Stanley Ketchell, yeah. In an exhibition bout. And Ketchell tried to knock him out and dropped him. Yeah, and that's when he got right up and then knocked him out

and his teeth got embedded into his glove. Yeah. Well, back then when they had gloves, their gloves were like bag gloves. They were tiny-ass little gloves with horse hair in them. Oh, yeah. And you could pack the horse hair down, and guys would squirt water into their – they'd make like a small incision and squirt water into their gloves and pack the horse hair down to make it hard.

Yeah. It's a rough way to live back then, bro. You ever felt those gloves and the leather's really coarse? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a rough way to live, man. Little Arthur. That's what they called him too, right?

Is that what they called him? Little Arthur? He had a bunch of nicknames. Little Arthur. Imagine if you take a guy like that and train him today. Little Arthur. Imagine if you take a guy like that and train him today. Just the character that you would have to have to be the heavyweight champion in the world when, I mean, racism back then was probably magnified by a hundredfold.

He would fight 45 round fights and shit like that. 60 round fights. Him and Sam Langford and Peter Jackson and all those guys. But he wouldn't give Langford a title shot. Why? I don't know. There's something with that. I don't know what that was about. Car accident claims Jack Johnson in 1946.

That's when he died. Wow. Because he liked fast cars. Oh, yeah. And he would always. There's that famous story of him getting pulled over by a cop. Yep. Gave him 100 bucks. Yeah, I told him

I'm going the same speed on the way back. And then there was the other one where he apparently got into a taxi one time and the guy said, I don't drive the N-words. And so Jack grabbed him, threw him in the back seat, got in the front, drove himself to where he had to get to.

And then the guy's like, hey, what about my ferry? He goes, I drove myself. And look at the he had like white wives back then too. Oh yeah, he did that on purpose. Imagine those chicks, how bold you had to be. Yeah. Back then. He was probably hung like a horse too. Like multiple horses.

I would love to see what the world was like at various stages in history. I wonder if one day they're going to be able to do that with virtual reality. I don't know if you've ever used any of those Oculus Rift headsets or anything like that. They're really interesting. They got one now with Alex Honnold, who's that crazy free solo climber. Right. And he went up the side of a mountain with this camera apparatus on, so you're literally looking at this climb from his perspective.

It's fucking bonkers. But I wonder if they're going to get to a point, I would love it if they got to a point, where you could go back in time, like you could go to 1920s New York City and see what it looked like. Hear it and see it. Yes. There's videos on YouTube about what the world was like.

If you can go back 10 million years, this is what it looked like. And then they do this and what the world would look like in this many years. That's all speculation, but I guess the ones going back are more confirmed, so to speak. I just would love to, I mean, you're never going to really be able to go there, but I think they're going to be able to simulate it in a way that's really, really close within our lifetime. Yeah, they're on it. Yeah. They're on it, especially now.

They've got nothing else to do. They might as well, they're on it. Yeah. They're on it, especially now. They've got nothing else to do. They might as well work extra hard on it. I just think it would be amazing just to get a glimpse of what it was like, like 1700s Paris, walking down the street in the 1700s if they can recreate it perfectly. Yeah, and while they're building something that's like, you know, you could be there when they're building the Colosseum or something in Rome. Yeah, they don't know how they did that, though.

That's the problem. Like, if you want to go back, like, to the Parthenon or something like that. Yeah. How did they erect these? Yeah. Who were the craftspeople? Yeah, because that's the thing. There's a lot of, again, that always changes, too.

That's the beauty of science is that there's never really the answer. There's what they think the answer is. And then when they find out the answer, like, oh, we were wrong the first time. Yeah. Do you think you're going to stay in America no matter what? You're thinking about going back to Toronto? I know you love it up there. I love my home, but I got two kids here.

Yeah. I can't just leave, you know? Right. What are they going to do? Yeah. I'm not going to bring two baby mamas with me. That's not the way that's going to go. Good luck. Yeah, so. You know what? I got to's not the way that's going to go. Good luck.

Yeah, so. You know what? I got to lay in the bed that I made, buddy. Or start a reality show. Two baby mamas in Toronto. That's the name of the show. Yeah, right. Two Americans in Toronto.

Two baby mamas and Russell Peters in Toronto. I got to buy three houses? Fuck that. No, you don't. You buy one big house, and that's how you film it. Yeah. You have the East-West. Yeah, I'll take the center.

You guys are East and West. Yeah, you have division. I'm the referee. I walk around with a Foot Locker shirt on all day. Yeah, you all meet in the middle. You set up like a gymnasium for the kids in the middle. Everything's fun and games in the middle. Girls can talk shit to each other.

Oh, yeah. No, that's no good. That's no good. I don't want that to be my life. It's already no good. I don't want that to be my life. It's already my life. I don't want it to be any further my life. Well, you got to think, what are comedians going to do if it gets to a point where there really is no more income from stand-up anymore?

I mean, I'm legitimately concerned that this is going to last a lot longer than people think. I'm definitely concerned. Yeah. I mean, you know, this thing kicked me in the nuts pretty good, this whole thing. And there's a reason I'm out there doing dates, you know, putting it on the line just because I have to. Yeah. You know?

Well, your income is solely from stand-up. Solely. And we all thought that was fine. Yeah. Everybody thought, I mean. Yeah, if this didn't happen, I wouldn't even be in any kind of situation right now. Yeah. I'd be like any kind of situation right now. I'd be like, eh, everything's good.

Yeah, man. But there's only certain people who really blossomed in this, and you're one of them. Well, Schultz. Andrew Schultz figured out how to do COVID comedy better than anybody. His videos that he does on Instagram are fucking amazing. I watch every single one of those and I'm like, God damn, this kid's good. They're so good. They're so well written and they're so fast

and the pace and just his timing and his insight. And he does little lines, little jokes in there. Yes. I like when he takes little jabs at everybody.

Yes. He's a wizard at this stuff. Yeah. How old is Andrew? He's in his 30s. 36, maybe. Yeah. How old is Andrew? He's in his 30s, 36 maybe. Yeah. Just old enough to be smart enough. He knows what the fuck he's doing.

Yeah. But still young and wild. Yeah. You know, he's one of those, there's a few of those guys that are coming up that are, in this day and age with social media and cancel culture, it's very hard to be a wild comedian. Yeah. You know, in our day day when we were first starting

there were no rules there was no rules fucking wild west back then you were wild because everybody else was wild and that was what you enjoyed like i enjoy wild comedy i've always enjoyed kinnison and prior and when joey diaz is going off like that's that's my favorite that's what i like you know and so that's what we all did but to be a guy like schultz today is it's a lot riskier to be tim dylan today a lot riskier yeah these guys but they figured it out you know because they're from the culture that is canceling people so they know the inside of it they know like they kind of know the lines in it they The lines move, though. That's what's weird. Yeah.

I mean, the lines are very blurred right now. Yeah. And I keep thinking, you know, I say it on stage, too, but I'm like, you know, if they're going to cancel it for what you're saying, they're not paying attention to intent. They're not looking at the look in your face when you say something. They don't look in your eyes. They don't hear.

You know, there's a lot of cadence involved in a lot of things that you say that take the sting right out of it. And then I even said if I was to read a lot of cadence involved in a lot of things that you say that take the sting right out of it. And then I even said, if I was to read a transcript of everything I said tonight, I'd be like, this guy's a piece of shit and let's get rid of him. There's also temporary thoughts that go down as permanent record. Especially if you're doing a podcast,

you're just riffing. You're talking shit. You're trying to make each other laugh. And if you take that and make it a permanent record, this is how this person feels forever. Wait till you see when this one airs how many people are going to get that son of a bitch. Get the fuck out of America if you don't like it here. That's what I'm going to hear. You're going to get a lot of that.

And I'm like, no, you fuck. I love it here. You haven't said one bad thing about America, though. Well, no. The minute you say anything and you're not American, you automatically get the fuck out is what you get. What do you have to do to be American American? You have a green card. I have a green card. What do you have to do to be American American? You have a green card. I have a green card.

What do you have to do to make the leap? I just got to get a citizen. Dude, take my- And a tattoo. You need an eagle. Should I get an eagle? An eagle tattoo. An eagle with a dick shaped like a gun.

Uh-huh. How about that? Wearing a gi. Yes. I like it. But the gi is kind of originally Japanese. I know, but I think just in honor of. Okay.

American eagle with a gi. American giggle. Do you have any tattoos none none you thought about it i think about it now and then i remember when you had none i had one well you had one little one on my shoulder yeah and that was like in the past 10 years you've definitely done a transformation well what i did was i i wanted to get a sleeve and i did want it to be patchwork so i wanted to do it all one piece. So I went to Aaron De La Vadova down at Guru Tattoo in San Diego, and we planned it out, and he drew all these sketches of what it would look like. It was a thought-out thing. What was it?

What is your sleeve, the first one? It's a dragon that's wrapped around this Buddha that's holding a DMT molecule. It's pretty wild shit. Yeah, I just wanted art, you know? And everybody's like, oh, you got a tattoo. You're going to keep it for the rest of your life. Well, that's not that long. Yeah.

Guess what, you know? Yeah. Like, what's better, old skin? People are like, what's it going to look like when you're old? Well, guess what? All old skin looks like shit. Yeah, I at one point wanted a boxing glove holding a microphone. Glad you didn't do that.

No, I'm not glad because I never got it. Every time somebody would draw it for me, I was like, it doesn't look good. When I was in high school, everybody had a fucking Tasmanian devil with boxing gloves. That was the thing. I don't know why. Then it became the tribal art became the thing. Oh, yeah. Or barbed wire around your bicep.

Yeah. Yeah. Or your ankle. If you're a gal or a dude who likes dudes. Yeah. And then they would do like the tribal zigzags all over their back. And I'm like, listen,

you can tell that's like a timestamp on you now. Yep. So you, you were, you were really big into tattoos 10 years ago, were you? Yeah. The tribal thing's weird,

right? Like why did that come in and go out? Because it was white guys doing it who were never part of a fucking tribe. It can't be tribal if you were never in a tribe. That's so true. Like, why do you have tribal shit on? What tribe are you from? I'm fucking Los Feliz, bro.

You're not even from a tribe called Quest. That's so true. White guys from no tribe. Because the tribal people still do it. Do they, though? Not like those kind of tattoos. I mean, like the Maori tattoos and all that. The Samoan shit.

That shit's crazy. Yeah, that's different. That's like real hardcore tattooing. Well, they tap it in there, too. Yeah. A lot of guys, like there's a bunch of UFC fighters. Tai Tuivasa, who has that shit, from his waist down, like his legs, he's got like shorts made out of it.

A lot of those guys, they do it tapping. So they lay there, and the guy has the stick. Have you seen the tapping? Yeah, yeah. It looks painful as fuck. It's got to be. Never done it. My buddy Sturgill, he has one of those.

He's got like a quarter sleeve that he's working on. I just like that his name is Sturgill. Sturgill Simpson. That's a legit southern there. It's like they wanted the name of Sterling and Virgil and they were like, okay, we're going to call him Sturgill. Yeah, that's a good name. For him, it's perfect. He's Sturgill. And he's got one of his tattoos he got from a Japanese master and that's how they it, with the tapping. It's a long, laborious process. But that's a thing.

Like a lot of people that are real Japanese tattoo aficionados, they'll go to Japan to get tattooed in that tapping way. That's how the Yakuza gets it, right? Yeah. Some of them. I'm sure some of them get it the other way now. But they can do shit with tattoos now it's like it's the art form has his has evolved this to this crazy place where they can do like photorealistic tattoos now that's incredible

you ever seen steve butcher you know that dude is no but i've seen some of the guys that have your logo tattooed on them dude and it's incredible how fucking realistic it looks i stopped posting them on instagram because i was getting so many of them. Yeah. And then someone posted, yeah, that's Steve Butcher. He did me. That's insane. It's insane.

Well, he's insane, period. He's really fucking talented. Somebody got the Michael Jordan. See, I would do some dumb shit like that if I got a tattoo, probably. You know who's great, too? Go to Ash Lewis. Ash Lewis tattoo. He's got some amazing shit, too.

There's that whole style of tattoos now. Stan Lee. Look at that. Yeah, that's really incredible when they get that. Check out that Stan Lee one, Jamie. Let me go look at that. Look at that. Fuck, man.

It's incredible. If I was to do it, I would do one like that. Like a photorealistic one? Yeah. Of both your baby's mama giving you the finger. Yeah. One on each thigh. I don't know if my thighs are big enough.

Beautiful. Oh, look at that, Robin Williams. That's amazing. Yeah, but he got the worst movie ever, Patch Adams. That's hilarious. That has to be a joke. Like, Patch Adams. Have you ever seen Patch Adams?

I didn't watch Patch Adams. I mean, I probably did at the time, but I don't remember it. I don't remember the premise. It's something really ridiculous. It's like a clown that works with cancer patients or something. Something along those lines. Yeah, yeah. No, he was a doctor who would use... It was based on a real

true story. What'd you say, Jamie? Yes. Yeah, it was a doctor who would come in and do silly things to make the patients laugh to try and help their spirits. Yeah. But it was bad. Because they all died anyway. Yeah, but they died with great spirit.

Hmm. It was a really happy death they had he was a rough one man when that guy hung himself i was like yeah you know i never got to meet him i met him once at the improv it was crazy i didn't know i was meeting him until like five minutes into the conversation i realized it was robin williams how long ago was that? Years ago. Obviously he's dead. Yeah. So not, not recent. No. Um, I don't remember, but I did a show at the improv. It was quite a few years ago. I was, it was during the time of the podcast. I did a show at the improv and then, um, afterwards I'm shaking hands with people and taking pictures and this very slight older man with a beard a heavy beard wearing a baseball hat comes up and he's like really complimentary but he obviously knows a lot about stand-up he's asking me questions about writing and questions about you know like certain bits like really

laughing and then i'm like holy fuck this is robin williams yeah like i did i was like oh thanks man i really appreciate that's really cool and like I just think he's some cool guy. And then I realized in the middle of the conversation, this is Robin fucking Williams. Because he had this crazy, thick-ass, white beard. Yeah, you guys grew a real bushy beard. I think he was hiding, man. I think for a lot of folks that are real sensitive, and he's obviously a real guy that um that place of being that famous is fucking overwhelming that famous and known for uh whether you are or not but you're known for being

always like on yeah and then there's the pressure of having to be on now so you don't disappoint the illusion yeah and that's got to be fucking taxing it's got to be always on and then just also you know it's just just just the pressure of everyone recognizing you everywhere you go and i think one of the best recognitions i got was bob newhart oh like 10 years ago he i didn't even know he knew i existed but he invited me to be he was getting inducted into the television hall of fame for 50 years in the business or something. And, uh, and he wanted me to be there on behalf of the younger generation. And I'm like, are you serious? And I remember I sat with, uh, Fred Willard and, uh, uh, Mannix.

What's his name? Tom Connors. is that his name? Chuck Connors. Okay. Yeah, I sat beside them while we were doing it, and I was like, this is incredible. And then they had a private dinner after, and I was sitting at the table with Fred Willard, and then the guy that was on Bosom Buddies with Tom Hanks. Oh, wow.

Where's that guy? Peter Scolari, that's his name. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Where's that guy? Peter Scolari. That's his name. Oh, okay. And then Don Rickles was there. And Bob was just so fucking funny. He's still alive. I actually been meaning to call him just to check in on the guy. But he was so funny.

I remember he was about to make a speech. It was like this private dinner we had. He gets up to make a speech and this woman is like, Bob, is this going to be funny? Is this a funny speech? And everyone's like, who is this fucking broad yelling at? Is this going to be funny, Bob? Bob, is this going to be funny? And Bob

Newhart just goes, why don't we all find out together? And I was like, it's fucking perfect. It's so perfect. The perfect response. It is perfect. It wasn't like, hey, shut up. It was like, why don't we all find out together? God, that is just, that's some people. It's like a master talking, you know?

Yeah, I mean, it's a lob. She lobbed and he smashed it. Yeah. Yeah, some people are just so dull-minded. Are we gonna, is it gonna be funny? Like, she needed to know. She needed to know from him. Bob, how should we react to this, you know? Who's the first famous person that came to be funny? She needed to know. She needed to know from him. Bob, how she would react to this.

Who's the first famous person that came to your show? Do you remember? I don't remember the first famous. Well, back in the mid-90s, the Raptors used to come to my shows in Toronto. A lot of them, because we would do this black comedy night once a month. Kenny Robinson had the Newbie and Disciples of Prior all-black comedy show. It was the ABC of NDP.

And it started in April of 1995, and those shows would sell out every month to the point where I had every gangster in the city calling me, yo, I need you to put me on the list. I'm like, man, you're fucking killing me, dude. He goes, yo, don't embarrass me when I get there. Make sure I'm on the list. I'm like, fuck it. Oh fucking killing me, dude. He goes, yo, don't embarrass me when I get there. Make sure I'm on. I'm like, fuck.

Oh, no. And I'm like, I go, Kenny, I got to put so-and-so on the list. Is he going to bring guns? I go, I don't know what he's going to bring. But if he gets in and there's no problem, you'll have no problems. Oh, boy. Did you have metal detectors? No.

There was a shooting at the store one night. I remember that. That was a couple of years ago. The guy shot a guy on the patio. Different time. Yeah, that's a different time. That was a shooting at the store one night. I remember that. That was a couple years ago. The guy shot a guy on the patio, right? Different time. Yeah, that's a different time. That was a murder. That was someone came to kill somebody.

There was a shooting in the main room one night. I believe Tupac was there. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I was off that night. I wasn't there. That must have been maybe tripping on Tuesdays or something?

I don't know. I don't know um they used to have fat tuesday oh fat tuesdays that's right yeah yeah and then guy tory took it over and had tripping on tuesdays is that what it was yeah and then chris spencer took it over guy tory used to get up in the morning and do East Coast radio from his home in L.A. I couldn't do that shit. He would do it like five days a week. I'm most positive that he did that. I had Guy and Joe over at my house as well. We were in the backyard having cigars.

Do you remember when Joe used to host Def Jam and he was jacked? He's still in great shape. He does a lot of martial arts as well. Does he? What does he do uh he did some uh some taekwondo and he did some uh greco-roman wrestling and stuff like that no shit yeah but he was one of the first guys ever to be funny and jacked yeah but he listen he was one of my favorites i think he's one of the reasons too that i talk to the crowd so much because i used to watch him do that and i go, I love that. I know you hate when I do it.

Well, it's not that I hate it. If I go on afterwards, they want to talk to me too. No, see, I don't get them talking. I just ask them questions. And the way I ask them questions doesn't open it up for a conversation. It opens up so that they want to shut up now. I try to approach it that way

like a jab, you know? I get it. I understand. I want to make sure you're good when you go on. I understand. I get it out of their system, Joe. I understand. Well, you like to do that. That's how you form material, right? That's exactly how I write.

I remember you and I, I felt bad after last time we had dinner. You yelled at me like, just fucking stop being lazy. And I go, listen, Joe, this is my process. I definitely didn't yell at you. Well, you know, you talk very- But you said, no, you said I can't write. And I said, you definitely can write. Don't say you can't write.

You definitely can write. You just don't do it. It's true. Everybody can write. Yeah. I mean, I used to write, but I need pen and pad. I got to go do it the old school way. Yeah.

Well, it's like for us, we're also ADD. It's hard to just sit alone. Just sit alone with your thoughts. But I feel like there's a bunch of different things you can do you can write on stage which is great you can write throughout the day just have ideas then run them on stage all that's great but it's none of that nothing's preventing you from actually sitting and writing as well and like when i feel like when you sit and write you have an opportunity to develop different concepts, different ideas.

And I get it. And I've been meaning to this whole quarantine, but I thought I would be the most motivated guy. I think every comic thought we were going to come out of this quarantine with an entire new act that was so fucking well written. And everybody I talked to like, what'd you do? Nothing. I couldn't fucking sit down and do it. I didn't write at all. No, me neither. I didn't write it all on purpose. First of all, because I didn't know how I felt. Because I was like, this was like, when this shit locked down, first of all, everybody

thought a large percentage of us were going to die, right? Yeah, we didn't know what the fuck was happening. Nobody knew. We saw the footage from China where they're driving down the street, spraying that stuff into the buildings. We didn't know. So we thought, like man what if we all like what if we're losing a lot of our friends i was worried about diaz i was worried about tim

dylan i was worried about big people i was worried about older people you know joey was one of the guys who checked on me weekly he checks on everybody he's awesome yeah he's fucking great he was like i love you brother i'm just checking on you how's everything tell me something good cocksucker yeah yeah he's a beautiful person he really is i i it is it is shocking what a sweet human being he is yeah he's so gruff on the outside and his stories are so crazy yep that people get this uh distorted impression of who he is but joey diaz is a saint and you would want to think that he's going to want to hang out with everybody and party.

He does not like that shit at all. He gets the fuck out of there. Yeah. Too many people. I got to go. Yeah. One person asked me the wrong fucking question. I'm out of there.

Yeah. He just likes to go in and crush and then get out of there like a legend. It's great. Still drives a Subaru. I've been telling him forever, I'm like, Joey, please get a nice car. Get a Cadillac. Fuck, I need that Ford, Joe. Yeah, that's him.

I don't give a fuck about that shit, Joe Rogan. What am I going to do with a fucking Cadillac? What did you get? Did you get anything to celebrate your Spotify thing? Did you buy a nice car for yourself? No, I haven't bought anything. No? No.

I have enough cars. Yeah, you do. I think it's enough. Maybe a watch or something. Something that says, hey. No, no. I'm you do. I think it's enough. Maybe a watch or something that says hey. No, no. I'm just living like I always lived. Just trying to concentrate on doing good shows.

Trying to concentrate on when, especially when Spotify launches, I want to just get real good guests and be prepared. That's why I'm glad I'm on now before you start getting good guests again. Fuck that. You're coming on, bitch. I'm always trying to do my best. That's what I concentrate on. If I steer away from that

in anything, I fuck up. You gotta just keep it what you're doing. Just keep trying to do my best and not even thinking about all that other stuff. I remember when they would be in your house. You'd walk in and it was right on the right hand side in that little ass room. My little office.

That was the studio. Yeah, that was the first time I did it. It was December of 2010. Nobody was watching. Nobody. And you were like, you want to do it? I go, yeah, I don't even know what it is, but I'll do it. We would have like 200 people viewing live. Yeah. Yes, you were doing

live ones too. It was Red Band who figured that shit out already. Well, that's how we started it. We started it on a laptop with Ustream just answering questions. Ustream, that's what it was.

Yeah, Ustream. And then we moved over to YouTube later on. But it was just for fun. The YouTube clips keep me very entertained on the road. Yeah?

Yeah. I'll go look for a subject that I want to hear about and there'll be like a 12 to 15-minute clip. I go, perfect. Well, that's one of the good things about the Spotify deals. What Spotify is going to do is they're going to organize things. Like all the health and wellness podcasts are going to be organized.

All the fitness ones, all the martial arts ones, all the ones with scientists, all the ones on archaeology, animals, paleontology. All the different ones are going to be organized so you could actually search shit. Have you thought about doing a podcast? I have thought about it, yeah. This is the perfect time, Russell Peters. I mean, I really want to, but I, you know. Come on, baby.

What's up? Can you put me under your wing? Everybody wants that. Not really a wing, just let me use a space or something. Figure it out and I'll fucking, I'll tweet it for you. Oh, that'll help, actually. Yeah, I'll tell people. I mean, you know, I do on Instagram Live a lot.

I'll talk to, like, I'll pull up, like, you know, look who's there. And I'm like, oh, look, there's Crazy Legs from Rocksteady Crew. And I'll add them. We'll do, like, a live chat. And it's not the basic, hey, so tell me about breakdancing. We just have a conversation, and it's actually really good. Well, that's cool. And then I get, like, you know, I'll have, you know, a rapper, one of my favorite rappers

will be on or something, you know, and it's just fun shit. You know who I was hanging out with in Houston? Willie D. I saw that. Yes, Willie D from the Ghetto Boys. Dude, I hadn't done stand up in like 90 plus days and Willie came down to the show. That was this weekend, right? This weekend, yeah. And he's like, which show should I come to, Mike? Please come to the second show. Yeah. I don't want to bomb show and he's like. That was this weekend right? This weekend yeah and he's like which show should I come to Mike?

Please come to the second show. Yeah. I don't want to bomb in front of Willie dude. Yeah. But it was even the first show was fun. It was great. It went great. First of all the audience was so enthusiastic. People were so happy to be out and so happy to do things and the day we got there we weren't even sure

with Brian Moses and Tony Hinchcliffe and we weren't sure whether or not we were going to even be able to do the show. I've seen Brian Moses perform. I don't think he can do the show. I'm just kidding. Come on, Brian. Come on, Moses. He killed.

But we got there, and there was a stage one COVID alert that they had moved back to stage one or phase one. I was like, what does that mean? And they're like, well, they're closing down all the bars. I'm like, oh, fuck. I thought we were going to have to literally get on the plane and go back home. Yeah. But then they said, nope, we're going to just keep the shows rolling.

And then Houston is Texas, and Texas is different. They're closing down the bars, but they keep the restaurants open at 50% capacity. I really like Texas. I love it there. I know. I think I could move to Texas, but I couldn't go where you're going to go. Where would you go? Dallas?

Yeah, Dallas. I love Dallas. I like Dallas a lot. Or Houston, maybe. But Dallas probably more likely. I love all of them, man. I just love Texas. I love the attitude.

I do. It's very diverse, too. It feels like its own country. Yeah, there's all kinds of shit. And I think it gets a bum rap for a lot of things. I mean, sure, those things exist over there, but I don't think that's what it's about over there. Definitely not Austin. Austin is a really open-minded, interesting place.

It's like a hipster city. Yeah, it's an interesting place. I had a good time going and watching live bands and shit in Austin. They've got some great music and stuff like that. Sixth Street. Yeah. Yeah. But listen, that heat is some great music, stuff like that. Sixth Street. Yeah. Yeah. But, listen, that heat is intense over there.

I like heat. No, I like heat, too, but, dude, it's a fucking dumb heat. I'm like, God damn, if an Indian guy's complaining about the heat, something's wrong with the heat, dude. It's good for you, though. It's good for you, that moist heat. It was, we shot a movie there me and fazon about five years ago damn i haven't seen fazon forever fazon's great you should have him on you know

you'd have a fucking great conversation with fazon he's really intelligent despite his exterior he's actually got a lot of uh he's got a lot of interesting uh perceptive thoughts uh very very good dude too he's a great guy. Solid guy. And you guys were in Texas? Yeah, we were shooting. So one day we were shooting. It was like the hottest day of the year that day.

It was like in July. I think it was like 118 or something like that. But the Texas 118 is different. Oh, it's not a good 118. So we were supposed to shoot the scene outside. They were like, fuck, it's too hot. We'll shoot it under this bridge for shade. And it was a scene where these kids are breakdancing.

And then I jump in and breakdance with them. So I had to do a top rock and some waves and shit. But I'm like, dude. And action. And reset. I'm like, no, dude. I'm going to fucking die if you make me do this. So we shoot the whole day of this thing.

And I'm fucking dead. I'm wearing a blue shirt so you can see when I sweat and everything. Then I'm like, oh, thank God that's over. And they go, okay, we're relocating over there. You're going to do the roller skating. It's going to go on the hottest fucking day of the year. You want me to roller skate outside? Yeah, we're going to do it. That's the thing about movies, right? They got to jam those 12-hour days in.

Oh, yeah. We were doing 14 to 15 hour days because it was non-union. Oh. Oh. Movies are hard, man. it's not a hard like coal mining but it's hard in that it's it beats you up a lot of comics that wind up getting into movies their act sort of suffers yeah well it's one or the other yes you can't you know you can't be you on the movie set right you got to be that character, I always tell everybody that I bet that's why Eddie Murphy stopped doing stand-up. I mean, it's just like his movies were doing so good, and you're more insulated in that world, too.

Yeah. He got too famous, too. It's almost like it's a better way to do it. Yeah. What do you think he's going to be like when he comes back? Who knows if he's going to? I mean, it's a lot of money on the line for him. I'm sure he's got a lot of money. He's got a lot of money, but I mean shit

I watched Norbit the other night. I've been talking to people you post about oh, it's fucking funny man It's funny watch coming to America the next night Family movie night. What was that movie he did with Owen Wilson lie spy? Or something like that something spy I spy wasn't Hmm, I don't know it was actually a really good movie. I spy? Was it? I don't know. It was actually a really good movie. I enjoyed that movie a lot. He's done a lot of fucking movies, man.

He's one of those guys where his movies don't get the respect that they deserve for some strange reason. Like, what was that one that he did with Steve Martin? Bowfinger.

That is a fucking great movie. Do you know the story behind that, right? No. That the Heather Graham character was allegedly Anne Heche. It was based on Anne Heche. Really? That's what I heard.

Based on her? Yeah, how she was dating Steve Martin, then she ended up with a woman. Yeah. And then ended up- Who did she end up with? She ended up with Ellen DeGeneres. That's right. And then she ended up marrying a man after that.

That's right. Just keep it moving. Yeah. Whoever's going to take me, me i'm good with it i actually met her and she's very nice too so you know whatever happened to her man i don't know she was shooting a series up in canada for a little while that's where i met her wow but eddie you know the problem with eddie was not the problem what happened with eddie was his movies in the 80s were so fucking huge. You know, it's like opening with a phenomenal joke and then the rest of your act, you can't follow it despite how good the rest of the jokes are. But so many of those movies were still really good. They just didn't get the respect for some reason.

Like Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hours, Coming to America, Trading Places. I mean, hit after hit after hit. Not like a little bit of a hit. He was the man. And then, you know, you got he was the man and then you know you got another 48 hours and then you got Beverly Hills Cop 2 and 3

even they were good yes that was the first time I saw sequels that were like wow that's just as fucking good as the first one but wasn't there like

a time period where he wasn't doing films or they weren't as popular and then you get films like Bowfinger and yeah so I think

after he did that one movie, it was like a military kind of movie in the late 80s. It was somewhere around after Golden Child, it kind of fell apart a little bit. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah. Was that pre or post My Girl Wants to Party All the Time? That was post.

Okay, so that was an issue. Yeah. My girl wants to party all the time. You know Finest Henderson? Yeah, sure. Yeah. You know he wrote that for Eddie? Really?

Yeah, apparently Finest told me he wrote it for him. Wow. He goes, yeah, I used to help Eddie with that back in the day. Because Finest was actually a really big, he had a really big song back in the day called Skip to My Lou. Really? Yeah, it was a really dope R&B track, like early 80s. I remember I was in New York City

and Eddie Murphy had that song. Nope, I was in Boston. I was in Boston and Eddie Murphy had that song come out and I was like, this guy can do anything. That was one of those things where like when a person does that like- And Rick James produced it for him. Did he really?

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. There's some of those guys who when a person does it. And Rick James produced it for him. Did he really? Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. There's some of those guys who can just kind of do anything. They can do movies. They can do comedy. He's got a reggae album out now. You know that? What?

Yeah, it came out like three years ago, I think. What? Yeah. Eddie Murphy? Yeah, a couple of years ago, Eddie Murphy released a reggae album. See, I always feel like with certain dudes, like whether it's him or Jamie Foxx or dudes who just have this really diverse

set of skills, they're probably just always doing something whether you know about it or not. Mm-hmm. They got, they're just creatives

that can't stop creating. Right. And then they get, you know, I think the thing with, a lot of people are creative and a lot of people, I think what you need is the...

What is this? Eddie Murphy. That's the reggae. Red Light featuring Snoop Dogg. Whoa. Snoop Lion. Look at this. He's playing guitar?

Yeah, he plays instruments and shit. Okay, we can't play any of it, but... It's a flash. I'm going to have to go and get this now. That's crazy. But I'm not shocked, man. I'm not shocked. And I know he was thinking about doing stand-up again,

but I do not know if he's actually doing stand-up again. So I was at his house January of last year, January 2019. Tiffany Haddish took me to his house. And it was this night that I was really not supposed to be there. I wasn't invited, but Tiffany was like, come with me. And I'm like, hell yeah. So I went and it was this incredible fucking night at Eddie Murphy's house where I walked downstairs. The first person I see is Jamie Foxx.

I was like, hey, man, what's up? I'm like, what's up, Jamie? And he's like, yeah. And then I turn person I see is Jamie Foxx. I was like, Hey man, what's up? I'm like, what's up Jamie? And he's like, yeah. And then, uh, and then I turn,

I see Neil Brennan. And then I, and then I look at the bar and I see Sasha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher sitting at the bar. And I'm like, what the fuck have I won? Then I see Kimmel. Then I see Bill Hader.

And then I hear behind me, yo, is this what you comedians always do? Hang out with each other. And I turn around and it's Q-tip from a tribe called Quest. And I'm like, what up tip? And they're like, what up, Tip? And they're like, what the fuck is going on? What have I walked into?

Wow. And then Jeff Ross was there. And then Chappelle came. Chris Rock came. Whoa. And I was like, what have I fucking walked into? But the good thing is, you know, because you were comics, we all know each other. And then, you know, I'd only met Eddie once for like a split second at a fight.

And he knew my name then. But when I walked in the basement, he goes, hey, Russell, thanks for coming. I'm like, Eddie Murphy knows my name. That's all I kept thinking. Holy shit, Eddie Murphy knows my name. I met him once with Charlie. I ran into Charlie. Charlie was so great.

He was such a sweet guy. Charlie was so great. He was such a sweet guy. Charlie and I did a tour together for Maxim, the Bud Light comedy tour with John Heffron. And then just randomly, I was in Maui. And just Charlie was in Maui. And I went over and sat with him. And Eddie Murphy was weird.

It was so strange. How was he when he was with Charlie? He was real friendly, man. Yeah, he was really nice. There was like nothing weird about him. No, he's super friendly. His first words, he goes, you're a funny motherfucker. Yeah.

I was like, oh my God. Yeah, these are the things. I'm a faint. Yeah, dude. That whole night, I honestly didn't say a fucking word to anybody. I was just in shock the entire time I was just like I know every time I turn my head and then I was standing in a doorway Like that and it's it's me standing beside eddie And then chris rock jamie foxx and neil brennan and they're all trying to convince him to do stand-up again

wow and i'm just there like I have nothing to add to this conversation. Like, I'm not on Jamie's level, I'm not on Chris's level, you know, Neil created Shpelj. I'm like, I'm just there, but they didn't make me feel like, what are you doing here? They made me feel included,

so that was nice. That is nice. But, you know, there was like, Eddie was like, I haven't done it in 30 years. I'm like, I'm pretty sure you've still got it. Oh, he's got it. He said he's got it he said he said he's got about five minutes uh i got about five minutes but you know you guys are out there doing it every day and i know i know he wants to do it but it depends on how he approaches it you know well it depends on how he feels like if he just decides he wants to do it the thing about

stand-up is that you have to do it in front of people you know yeah you got to go out there and do it yeah there's no theory to it right yeah it's not like music you can you could create an album with just you and your friends you can't really create a comedy set without being at a place where you're gonna have random people come and pay money to see you talk and that's the other problem he's got to overcome is that people are going to be coming expecting you know maybe they're expecting delirious or raw coming out of him. Right. It's a 60 year old man now. Yep Yeah, he's got fucking 10 or 11 kids. I think he does Yeah, there's a when I when I met him when I was at his house His his baby was only maybe a couple of months old or a month old Wow

And then end of the night I got stuck in the basement Of his house. What happened? Well, everyone was leaving, and I didn't know where Tiffany went. And I'm literally standing against the wall, and I'm the only uninvited guy there, really. Do you know what I mean? Like, all the Netflix people were there, and I'm like, oh, boy, I don't know what the fuck. And I'm looking around, like, I don't know where the fuck Tiffany went.

And finally, like, it was me and then eight of Eddie's kids were sitting at this one table. And I'm just standing there like a creep, like right across from them. And I see Kenya Barris going upstairs. And I was like, Kenya, don't leave without me. So I left. I went up with him. And as you walked up, they had the door open to suggest just get the fuck out of the house. And I was like, said to the lady, hey, I came with Tiffany, and she's kind of my ride.

Because she did. She picked me up. And I'm like, I don't know where she is. And then they were like, oh, I think she went to the backyard. I go, okay. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do with that? I'm not going to go walking around the guy's house. Right.

How do you get to the backyard? Is it a straight shot? Thank God one of his sons was walking by and goes, oh, I'll take you to the backyard. And I was like, oh, thank goodness. So I go to the backyard. It's a massive backyard. And this fucking house is insane. Where does he live?

Beverly Hills. Of course. Yeah. But in that really exclusive gated community there, like where Denzel lives. Stallone. Yeah. In these massive houses. Yeah.

I think, honestly, it was about 30,000 square feet the house how weird must that be to be that guy to like you know know those people who those people are when you're young and then all of a sudden you're one of them people it's listen i mean i'm still aghast from it a year and a half later. I can only imagine. I mean, there's like an exclusive A-list celebrity group of humans. Yeah. And I guess when a guy like him has a party like that, those are the only people that are just going to be semi-normal around him.

Yeah. He can't have that. Eddie, is this going to be a funny speech? Yeah, no, none of that. You can't have no fucking weirdos. Can't have any. And that's why I didn't want to say anything, no, none of that. You can't have no fucking weirdos. Can't have any. And that's why I didn't want to say anything, because I wasn't sure what I'm,

like, am I going to say something stupid and be like, who brought this guy? You can't have any normies. Yeah, and I felt too normal. Yeah. I felt, you know, Isn't that funny? It felt like a mortal. Isn't that funny?

Like, if you go to the comic store, you fit right in. Yeah. But if you go, like, when you're around too many celebrities, you do feel like a fraud. Yeah, well, and that's the thing, too. Like, you and I are both friends with Chappelle. I've known Dave 25 years.

And when it's just me and him hanging out, it's literally like me and Dave hanging out. Yeah. And then, you know, then you go somewhere and then he gets spotted by people and he elevates. And then you become like, Hey, I'll be over here. He just carry on over there. Dave took me to one of the weirdest parties ever. He took me to this Naomi Campbell party in the Hollywood Hills and we, we had a drive

up to the house and then you had to take like some weird elevator from the downstairs house to the upstairs house. And as we're driving up the upstairs house, there's a photo of Naomi Campbell.bell that's like 40 feet tall that's on the side of this building and it's her naked it's a 40 foot tall naked naomi campbell and then you're riding on this elevator you get up there demi moore's there and lenny kravitz is there i'm like this is so strange and uh dave said one of the funniest things ever he goes man i would never want would never want to be this famous. I go, look at me, motherfucker. You're the most famous person here. He's like, no way.

I go, yeah, you're the most famous person here. And we were both laughing about it. Like, you know, he became famous without realizing it. Or maybe doesn't realize it or maybe doesn't think about it, which is why he's so funny. Because he just concentrates on just life. He's still Dave. Yeah. Like, when you hang out with him he still

has the same sensibilities about him 100 like when i like when he was shooting half-baked in toronto maybe 24 23 years ago i was with him every day on set i would hang out in his trailer hang out with his dog he had a little white pomeranian back then named thelonious and uh and i would take him for like to my hometown, Brampton, Ontario. He goes, where the fuck are we going? I go, I'm going to take you to this magnetic hill out in Caledon. So I took him to this hill. You drive down, and the car rolls up.

What? It's an optical illusion. I still can't figure it out even when you're there, but it looks like you're driving down. The car rolls up the hill. You put your car in neutral and it rolls up. But it's not really rolling up. No, it looks like it is.

And you can't unsee it. You're like, it is rolling up. But then when you get out and stand there, you kind of see that, no, it's kind of on an angle, but because there's a road going up like this above it. Oh. So it looks like it's going down, but it really, it's not. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty wild, though.

I can't even imagine what that looks like. And then there's a road right there that we used to call the roller coaster road. It's like a really windy road with all these fucking humps, and we would drive, play like drum and bass, and I would drive really fast over this road and it would feel like a roller coaster. Do you hear they're doing a new one? What? Half-Baked 2.

Are they really? Yeah. Shut up. Yeah. With Dave? No. Someone's playing Dave's son. Who?

Little Duvall? I don't know. He's too old. He's too old, but it would be perfect if he was younger. What is this? Is this the road? He's rolling backwards up a hill. That's not it.

Not it? No. Okay. Magnetic Hill. It's not a tree-lined road like that. Magnetic Hill. It is very much like that okay it looks like that and then you roll up and it fucks your whole head up interesting but then we went out there and it was like man what the fuck we're doing all the way out here and i'm like don't worry about it man i'm sure you this we took

him on the road he's like oh that's it right there that's actually it okay looks like you're rolling downhill you guys are idiots no you're driving you you drive downhill now watch you roll up dude you're rolling downhill what i think they show you they put the car in neutral and then the car starts going backwards right because it's going downhill jesus christ no no he's going backwards up a hill that That's not up. Yeah, it is. That is definitely not up. When you're there, your eyes will deceive you. Okay.

I believe you. I don't know. Like when you look at it like this, you could see that it's Canadian education. You know, it's free. Hey, at least it's free. It's free here too. It's terrible. They're cutting the budget.

That's one of the responses to COVID. They're going to cut the education budget. How about you cut your salary, you fucks? I don't think they have a good salary, the teachers, do they? Not the teachers. I'm talking about the politicians. Oh, yeah. It's not the teacher's call to cut their salaries.

I guarantee you that. Sure, the teachers are like, hey, guys, just take my money. It's fine. I don't think that letter works anymore. It did. It did. Be a sad time to be in school in LA. They all have to wear masks and they're going to have to wear, the teachers have to wear shields over their face.

My daughter's been Zooming. And then my fucking ex-wife signed her up for summer school. I'm like, that sucks, dude. You got her on summer school Zoom. I'm like, that's not even. Oh, that's not school. Yeah, I know summer school Zoom. I'm like, that's not even. Oh, that's not school. Yeah, I know. That's shitty.

But they're doing camp for some kids. They're doing like temperature checks and shit, and they're going to do camp. Really? No, not her. She's doing, like the day before school, she's like, Daddy, is it too late if I don't want to go to summer school? I go, baby, I would never have signed you up for summer school, but mommy did. So we got to do it. I mean, she means well, you know. The mommy does.

Yeah. No, I'm sure. It's also like, I think mommies want a little bit of a break. I would have taken her. Yeah. You know, if she's fine, she could have been with me. Well, this is a good time to really bond with your kids. Well, that's what I mean.

My daughter, like, you know, wants to be in my house 24-7 now. Daddy's house is the fun house. That's why. Oh, I don't have to shower till 10 at night? This is awesome. Are you going to continue to go on the road? And if you do go on the road, are you getting tested every time when you come back? Yeah, I think that's the way it's going to have to go.

Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I'm not doing it anymore, though. I'm not doing any more road gigs. Not for months. I decided after this Houston one, I was like, if I brought it back, I'm not doing it anymore though I'm not doing any more road gigs not for months I decided after this Houston one if I brought it back I'm just doing this for fun yeah we're doing stand up again this is amazing and then I thought about it

yeah but if I bring it back did you fly commercial and everything no and you didn't do any meet and greets no I did it just for the experience No. I was saying he's smart. No. And you didn't do any meet and greets? No. I didn't do any of that. No, I tried to do it. I did it just for the experience.

The whole idea was like, let's just go there. Let's have fun. We'll do it for the experience. And then when we come back, we'll reassess. But then what freaked me out, it's coming back, is like, if I gave it to other people, that's the number one fear that I have. You know? I had your guy come and test me on Monday.

Abe. Yeah. And he'll get it in 24 hours. Yeah. He sent somebody. They did the finger one, which was immediate. And then they did the other one that came. I got the results the very next day, which I thought was really great.

I've been tested one, seven, nine times, I think, nine times since this thing started. Have you been microdosing at all? A little bit every now and then. Want to do some right now? I've never done it. Oh, okay. You know, I'm the CCO of a company that does that. A microdosing company?

Yeah. How do they do that if it's all super illegal? Well, no. So what it is is it's a company called Red Light Holland. Okay. And it's the truffle the truffle so it's the the top the mushroom cap is the illegal part what the stem which is the truffle is not illegal they're going to jail okay listen so we're in the process we're in the process of getting it all

legalized and done the right way and it'll be available in in the netherlands first microdosing and uh and then eventually we're hoping it goes the way of marijuana well i think it can right now everything's in flux everything's all fucked up right now and particularly in california chapelle wanted me to do mushrooms with him he said you gotta do mushrooms i go i've never done it. Because you got to do it with me and John Mayer. I'm like, um. Whoa.

Oh my God. It's heavy. Yeah, I go. I hope John starts singing. Yeah, I go, you guys are both professionals at this. I'm not, I don't want to be the guy fucking crying in the corner. Are you nervous about it? Yeah, I don't know what it does.

Just do a little bit. Just do a little. Do a little and you're fine. Yeah? Yeah, you build it. You just try it out. You do a little. Should I be alone when I do it?

The first time, you should do it with a friend. Who knows how to? Yeah, I would say just take one cap. Just something light. You'll feel good. The mushrooms want you to like them. And so the first time you do it, they're going to welcome you. They're going to be like, oh, man, this is what you should be doing.

I'm going to straighten out all your personal problems all these weird personality tics that you got all this strange shit the trouble you keep getting yourself into i fucking do too we'll help you the mushrooms are gonna talk to you we'll help you and then one day they're gonna trick you into taking a large dose and then you're gonna meet the aliens then you're going to meet the aliens. Then you're going to realize that this dimension that we live in is connected to neighboring dimensions that are accessible through certain psychedelics. And then once you see that, you can never unsee it. Regular life loses its seriousness.

It loses like 20% of its seriousness. It's still serious, still regular life, but 20% of it goes away forever because you know that that's possible. You know that these other worlds exist and that other people are just out there running through their entire life from birth to death and they never experienced those worlds.

And that's weird because you're running around. I run into people because people know that I've done a lot of psychedelic drugs, so I'll run into people that know, and they've done it too, and they look at you, and they'll talk to you like, hey, man, I did this because of you. A buddy of mine said that to me the other day. You gave me the courage to try this psychedelic drug, and I was like, oh, shit, what was it like?

What did he take? He took DMT, and he was like. That's a little I was like, oh, shit. What was it like? And he's like, man. What did he take? He took DMT. Mm-hmm. And he was like. That's a little bit more advanced, I would imagine. Mm-hmm. And this guy's a bad motherfucker. He's a Navy SEAL.

But never had any experience like that. What was his experience with it? Well, I mean, I would have to talk to him more in depth. But when everybody does it, what you get when they're describing it is just sort of like trying to use words to describe something where there's no references. It's not, the words don't work. Like you could kind of tell me what it was like and I could kind of go, yeah, okay, I kind of see that because I've done it. But if I hadn't done it, there's no way. I have nothing.

It's like somebody trying to explain their dream to you. Well, that's what's similar. This stuff, DMT, is actually endogenous. It exists in the human body, and they believe that it comes out in your dreams. They believe that when you're dreaming, your body is releasing some of that stuff. They don't totally they don't totally understand it, right? It's one of those weird things where they, they really only found out that mammals created in the pineal gland within the last few years, the Cottonwood Research

Foundation, which is connected to Rick Strassman, who wrote that book, DMT, the spirit molecule. He ran a bunch of FDA approved, I think, I believe the only FDA approved tests, DMT, The Spirit Molecule. He ran a bunch of FDA-approved, I believe the only FDA-approved tests on DMT where they shot it into people in a clinical setting. How did you consume it? Freebasing it. You freebase it. Really? Yeah.

Like a fiend? Yeah, like a fiend. It's like a glass bowl connected to like a tube. And you light the bottom of the bowl. The DMT sits inside the bowl. What is the? It looks like a white powder. Like a white, almost yellowish white powder.

Depending on which one you take. The 5-methoxy DMT is white. And then the other stuff was more like white with like a little bit of yellow to it. And you take it. It tastes like burnt plastic. It tastes terrible. And you take it. It tastes like burnt plastic. It tastes terrible. And you take a big, deep breath. You want to take like three big inhales.

The first time I did it, it only took one. And I just got to the door. I got like to the door of the DMT dimension. I was like, what is that? This is weird. It was really weird. But I didn't even know what weird was because like 20 minutes later, I did a second one. And the second one, I took way more.

I took like three big hits. And then it was almost like you're in a slingshot or a catapult. It was like you could feel the tension like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And all of a sudden you shot through these colors and lights into what felt like some new place. What is your physical doing during all of this? Just laying there. Laying there. One time recently I did it.

The last time I did it was a couple years ago. I opened my eyes. In the middle of it, it was very strange. It's like I can almost see reality. But it was all real pixelated. I was seeing life through a dirty saran wrap or something it was all was just very strange and then i closed my eyes back and i went it's the the the experience of the psychedelic realm is more vivid than regular life which is real strange because it doesn't feel

like you're on a drug because you're still you that's another another part of it. It doesn't change your, like when you're drunk, it changes the way you think. Like you think different. This is not that. This is like you think the same way, but you're being confronted with something that's insanely alien. Just alien to everything that you know to be true. And then there's all these things around you that seem to be alive.

And they seem to be talking to you and communicating to these things around you that seem to be alive and they seem to be talking to you and communicating you the last time i did it was a bunch of jokers that were giving me the finger like jesters jesters with like you know they have the little bells they were all like shaking and giving me the finger and like spinning around like going fuck you they were mocking me and the the thing that i got from it was like, oh, I take myself too seriously. I need to be mocked. And they were mocking me. And as they were mocking me, I relaxed.

And then they pointed at me like, ah, you get it. You get it. You get it. Because you can get lost. You can take yourself seriously, and you want others to take you seriously. What is the grossest kind of man like the kind of man who wants everyone to Tremble when he walks into a room once you know rose petals thrown at his feet He wants everyone to call him sir and be uncomfortable Yeah, everyone to be uncomfortable because he's a fucking man

Yeah, you know and that kind of guy responds very poorly to being mocked, right? So I think that it was like letting me know like hey, bitch you got a little of that and you you need to get that out of your system, especially as a person who's a professional mocker. I'm a mocker of things. We are. We are stand-up mockers. There's a lot to be mocked. How long does it last for?

15 minutes. That's it? Yes. And what about the microdosing? That's similar. This video that you're playing, it's kind of like that, but way more intense. I don't know how this, it's a VR experience called ayahuasca that you can, I don't know how exactly it works.

I haven't tried it. Is ayahuasca different? No, it is a no. See, the thing about ayahuasca is it lasts longer because it's orally, you take, see that's, that's probably more similar and you can get there on ayahuasca and DMT. It's the same thing it's dimethyltryptamine it's just when you're taking it with ayahuasca your body is processing it orally and you take it with something called an MAO inhibitor

MAO inhibitor MAO is monoamine oxidase it's produced by your gut and it processes DMT naturally that exists in plants. So like there's a lot of plants that have DMT in it. And if you just like, if you were eating grass, like some sort of like phalaris grass or something like that, it's really rich in DMT. So if you were eating that. So you would get high off.

You would get high as fuck. But monoamine oxidase that's produced by your gut, it breaks that stuff down so it's not orally active. So if you ate, if you took some DMT that you would freebase and just ate it, it wouldn't do anything to you because your gut would break it down. But then if you took it with an MAO inhibitor, preferably the kind of plant-based MAO inhibitor that they use in ayahuasca because they know those MAO inhibitors that people take,

like sometimes people take them as a medication, those can be dangerous. They're much more potent. And there's all sorts of weird side effects. I've heard of people taking pharmaceutical MAO inhibitors and then they take mushrooms or something else with them and it really can fuck them up, like real bad. Yeah, because they're cross-pollinating their fucking drug use.

You're doing all kinds of wacky shit to your brain that your brain is probably not really, you're redlining your brain. Your brain may stay together or you might go fucking shine on your crazy diamond. Yeah, go off the deep end. Yeah. Have you had any kind of experience with MDMA or anything? Nothing.

Nothing. Pot? Not good experiences. Even the bad ones are good. The bad pot experiences teach you that regular life is okay. I hit the CBD before I go to bed. That's great. With some THC in it.

Oh, okay. Just a little bit to crash you. And I have the fucking weirdest dreams when I'm on them. Oh, for sure. Yeah. CBD. Really fucking weird dreams. Just CBD alone.

I'm so happy that that stuff's legal for folks with Like anyone with arthritis or weird aches and pains. Yeah fucking CBD is a game-changer Especially the creams is them. You know Tyson's one is really good. It's really good. Yeah. Yeah, they gave me a bunch of it Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll call Mike. I like I need some more his weed is stupid strong. Yeah, he's got crazy Well, it should be yeah, if you Mike Tyson, your weed better not be fucking weak. Right. Right. You can't have Mike Tyson weak weed. What do you think about him fighting? I, uh, I mean, as a, listen, I'm friends with him, but I'm also a fan. Yeah. And to see him look how he looks now is exciting. It's crazy. And I talked, you know, it's funny,

as I talked to him before the video came out of him hitting pads and shit, and we were FaceTiming, and I said, Mike, you look good. He goes, yeah, man, I've been boxing, man. I feel really good. And I said, that's great. He goes, yeah, man, I bet I felt in a long time I might even have a fight. I said, what? I go, yeah, man, I may have like an exhibition or something.

You want to work my corner? I was like, yeah, that'll go well, Mike something bad happens russell peters fucked up mike tyson's well he'll have i'm sure javier cordero who's been working with him he'll probably have him in his corner you know yeah there's talk of that john jones fighting him no john's just fucking around i guarantee john's fucking around he even said he would fight him in a boxing match as long as mike would fight him in an MMA fight. He said, but he promised he wouldn't hurt him. He wouldn't break anything on him. Yeah, no, Mike, like, listen, the boxer

cannot go into an MMA ring. No. Not with John. As much as John kicks your legs, John, you know, John probably just wrestle him to the ground. Take him down. That's like when James Toney fought Randy Couture. That was a rough one, man. That was a rough one, man. That was a rough one.

I kind of knew that James wasn't really training for that, though. He just took the payday. Yeah, but he's naturally a tough guy, James Toney. Sure. Never been knocked down. Never been hurt. You know what that does for you? That gets you beat up longer.

Yeah, it does. It makes your brain get really fucking messy. Yeah. You're scrambling those eggs. Nobody talked better shit during sparring sessions than James Toney. Oh, those are my favorites. There's so many videos. What you got, bitch?

That's it? That's all you got? That's all you got? Come on, bitch. I talk shit when I'm rolling with people. Oh, do you? But I talk like funny shit. Oh, right.

Like I'd be like, I'll get, you know, something will happen. I'll lose position or something. And I'll go, oh, that was a mistake. And I'll do anything I can to fuck with their mood, like to make them laugh so it throws them off. Oh, okay. Even with John Jack I do it, you know. I'm going to remember that. When I'm enrolling with John Jack, I'll be like, you were made for hitchhiking, not jiu-jitsu.

Shit like that. You see the people in the class like, oh, my God. I'm like, we're friends. We're good. That's hilarious. John Jack's the godfather of my son. Is he really? Yeah. He's a great person. He is a great guy. He really is. I feel

real lucky that I met him. You could run into any jiu-jitsu instructor. I just stumbled upon him because it was closer to my area. It was closer to my house. And then he turns out to be one of the best ever. One of the best ever. And just so technical too. Just the way he breaks things down.

And his ego is so healthy. Like, he's, like, real easy to roll with. Yeah. And he's a rare guy that's, like, 50 years old that still rolls all the time and doesn't get hurt. Doesn't get hurt. It's kind of amazing. I think he hurt his knee for a little bit, but it's gotten better, I think. Yeah, a meniscus tear.

Yeah, he never had to get it operated on. That's good. Oh, really? Yeah. How did he fix it? I don't know. It just healed, I guess. He went had to get it operated on. That's good. Oh, really? Yeah. How did he fix it? I don't know. It just healed, I guess. He went to the doctor and he said it's fine now.

That's amazing. Yeah. How's your shoulder? Everything's good, man. It's all good. When my finger's better, we'll roll again. Yeah. What's wrong with your finger?

I fucking, this middle one, I jammed it. Oh. I got swept by Mark Armstrong and I went to post. And when I went to to post instead of my hand hitting like this my finger went straight have you ever used uh tape on it like no you know what's funny is i usually have those uh um finger grips yeah the uh the fucking ones that i use but you know what you could do is you take athletic tape and you tape two fingers together to protect it well i usually have those on oh okay the luta gear yeah i usually have it

on and that fucking one day i didn't wear it oh i don't know why i didn't wear it that day and then that's the fucking day i did it yeah if you jam one you can i jammed both of these together oh yeah this one's fine now but this one's still really sort of like i'm holding a cup of coffee and it hurts because this angle you know yeah? Yeah, just tape them all up. So if you tape them all up, it would almost be like you have like one grip, which is all you need anyway. You know, like you very rarely use like individual fingers. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, just tape them all up.

Tape them together. Get some of that white athletic tape. Or they have jujitsu tape. Like I think it's called monkey tape. Monkey grip. See if you find that shit. Monkey grip tape. It's probably sold at that fight supply store.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure. But, yeah, I mean, a lot of guys. Hickson was famous for that. You'd go to see him. He's always injured because he was constantly rolling, so he had tape all over his place and everything. Yeah, Hickson's back is fucked and his knees. It's real bad.

Eddie's got bad knees, though, doesn't he? Yep, yep. Yeah, there he is. Monkey tape. It's real bad. Eddie's got bad knees though, doesn't he? Yep. There it is. Monkey tape. That's it. So that's tape just specifically designed for jiu-jitsu. The monkey tape mafia. Yeah, I should get that. Good stuff.

I do need that. It looks really thin. Yeah, but that's also so you can move it around the joints. It's still solid. Look, they know what the fuck they're doing. They have thick stuff, too. But a lot of guys like that thin stuff because you can get in between the fingers real good and tape it up nice.

I'm going to get that zebra pack. There you go. Get a little white, a little white. Yeah. Mix it up. I need that done. Yeah, fucking that. That shit hurt.

I screamed. Yeah, it hurts. That's the thing about jujitsu you're gonna have to deal with you're gonna get injured and then one day I was rolling and I I don't know my fucking my foot or ankle cramped and it just started to turn on its own

the muscle spasmed oh no my ankle was turning in on itself and everyone was like did you break his ankle I can't fucking stop my foot it's just it's turning just a cramp a cramp but the muscle spasm and then my ankles kept turning in and like the fucking exorcist i used to get cramps and then i started taking electrolytes like regularly every day i think that's what i need to do changed everything liquid iv it's one of my sponsors i'll give you something yeah i have something here dude changed my changed everything to complete game changer yeah because i used to Yeah. Because I used to get cramps.

I used to get cramps when I was working out. I just thought it was part of working out. But then I started drinking this stuff in my water before I work out, during my workouts. Yeah. I drink it after I get out of the sauna. I get the cramp in the back of the hamstring there. Yeah. Sometimes in the calf.

Dude, electrolytes are everything. It's so, so important for your body. Yeah. Hydration and electrolytes. Sometimes I'm trying to put somebody in a body lock or something and then I can't hold it because I get in a cramp. Like, fuck. The same cramp

you get when you're fucking. You know that one? The fuck cramp. The toe one. The bottom of the foot. Yikes. Yeah, the toe Disney. I hate that shit. Yeah, cramps are rough but you can you could do something about that and it's pretty quick like you know you take that stuff for a few days and your cramps will go away you can work out real hard and never get cramps again

oh i'm definitely going to take some off you yeah it's potassium i mean the uh the one that i like liquid well there's a bunch of really good ones but but Liquid IV is one of my sponsors, and it's got all kinds of great shit in it. B vitamins, potassium. Tastes good, too. Flavor they got? A bunch of different flavors. They got acai. For the Brazilians?

Yes. My friend, Poha. Oh, did I ever tell you that story? Which one? I think one time after I did one of your podcasts, a guy hits me up on Instagram. He was like, hey, I'm so excited that you're doing jiu-jitsu, man. I make mouth guards. I want to make you a personal mouth guard.

That's great, man. And he goes, what do you want on it? I go, oh, I know exactly what I want on it. So I tell him what I want, and he sends it. Po-ha. I get to the academy, and I go, JJ, I got a mouth guard. He goes, good, you're going to need it. And then I put it in, and I get to the academy, and I go, JJ, I got a mouth guard. He goes, good, you're going to need it. And then I put it in, and I get on the mat, and I smile.

And he goes, ha, why do you want cum in your mouth? I go, what? He goes, poah, it means cum. I go, why do you say it all the time? Yeah, it doesn't mean it when we say it, but that's actually what it means. It means a bunch of things. Yeah, but the actual word means come and I'm like ah fuck I never wore the thing again, but it means different things like like

Gilbert Burns who's fighting Kamara Usman for the title he always yells it after he wins he wins he yells poha Yeah, cuz they they use it like that, but it means different things, but it's the same way Malaka means jerk off and in Greek But they'll say it a Malaka. What are you doing? Hey? the same way Malaka means jerk off in Greek, but they'll say to, hey Malaka, what are you doing? Hey, how you been Malaka? That's like a Joey Diaz thing. You call you jerk off. Hey jerk off. Yeah, it's the same thing, but it doesn't mean it. You know what I mean? But the actual meaning of this apparently is fucking come

and he's laughing hysterically. You ever seen John Jack laugh like that? It's pretty fucking funny. Hey, why don't you go put the comeback in your mouth? Oh, that's hilarious. So if the guy's listening who made me the mouthpiece, can you make me another one that just says my name? Just deal with it. Just deal with cum in your mouth. That's the big deal, bro.

Girls have been dealing with it for years. You know. Just handle it. Like a fucking gentleman? Yeah. Who made your mouth guard? I forgot their name. Oh, there's a guy, the mouthpiece guy.

He makes dope shit. I wonder if that was him. It didn't fit perfectly. This one didn't fit perfectly, though. Oh, there's a guy, the mouthpiece guy. He makes dope shit. I wonder if that was him. It didn't fit perfectly. This one didn't fit perfectly, though. Oh, okay. Because it was a speck, I guess. A speck? A speck one.

He was like, hey, he didn't measure me or nothing. Oh, yeah, they have to do the mouth print, though. I had one of those from boxing. Yeah. And I left that at my old guy I was training with out here. I left it at his gym years ago. I don't think I want it back now. Yeah. And I left that at my old, a guy I was training with out here, I left it at his gym years ago. I don't think I want it back now.

No. No, you need a new one. Yeah. But what they'll do for like a guy who makes professional ones, like the mouthpiece guy, he makes them for a lot of MMA guys. It's like you have this thing

that you sit your teeth into. Like a dentist one, yeah. It's like a gooey thing. And it's nasty. Yes, it's nasty. And then it'll form and then you know they'll put the make a top and bottom one or they can make a top and bottom one yeah what do you like i like just a top one for jiu-jitsu but for striking i'd like a top and bottom one yeah

because i do need it now because i find i'm grinding my teeth when i'm rolling yeah it's hard to breathe out of your nose but there's a lot of real benefit to breathing out of your nose there really is you know sometimes you're going to breathe out of your nose, but there's a lot of real benefit to breathing out of your nose There really is, you know, sometimes you're gonna breathe out of your mouth But there's real benefit to primarily breathing out of your nose and I'm reading a book now. I think James Nestor it's It is a book that's about yeah sure get in there son. It's a book that yeah It's a book that's about, yeah, sure, get in there, son. It's a book that, yeah, it's called Breath, and it's by this guy, James Nestor, and I've been listening to it on audiobook.

Is your nose broken at all? Yes, but I got it fixed. I got it fixed in like 10 years ago, and it made a huge difference. Mine is still broken. So you can't breathe out of it well. Not properly. Get it fixed, man. I want to.

While you're on lockdown, now's the time. That's what I thought. But they're like, no, can't do that right now. That's elective, right? Oh. But I think they can do elective surgeries now. I think there's something. Do you need a knife?

No, it's... You all right? You know what you're doing? Yeah. Okay. A little struggling. I am fucking struggling. Need some help?

Yeah. Go ahead, Joe. Get your fucking monkey grips all over it there, kid. Jesus Christ, Rambo. I didn't think you'd pull that fucking thing out. Tuck more custom knives in the house. You also have the best shit. It's so dope.

Every time you post something, I go, it's so fucking cool. Like the fridge you posted the other day. Yeah, that's Kill Cliff. You got to try those things, man. CBD drinks. Get your 25 milligrams of CBD with each little serving there, fella. Does it do anything? Yeah.

CBD is a fucking great period. Get as much of it as you can. Take 100 milligrams at a time. Really? For me, it equates sleep for me now. It does that too. Yeah. Alleviates anxiety, but it's really good for people that have joint issues.

Really good for people with arthritis, things along those lines. I used to have really bad arthritis in my fingers. It seems to be gone away. I've been taking these curcumin pills. Oh, okay. There you go. Curcumin, curcumin. Yeah, curcumin.

That's turmeric. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah. Apparently the curcumin is 500 times more absorbable, like faster absorbency. That makes sense. Yeah, there's a lot of natural things for inflammation, but the big one is avoiding things that cause inflammation, like with your diet.

Like get rid of bread. Take bread and pasta out of your diet. So many of your little aches and pains will go away. Yeah, I don't really have many aches and pains anymore. It's kind of nice. That's awesome. Yeah. Are you doing just jiu- jujitsu or do you supplement

it with any calisthenics or weightlifting or anything? Well, no. I just do jujitsu and then I ride my bike now. Oh, that's cool. I go for these five-mile bike rides. Around your neighborhood or something? Yeah. And I got that motor assist one, so it's kind of nice. Oh, that's not real. No, it's good because those fucking hills in my community are killer, dude.

You can't handle the hills? No, hell no. That's where you're supposed to work. You still have to work. It's not like it's pedaling for you. Oh, I know. I got a buddy of mine that has one. I love that bike. It's awesome.

They're fine. They're okay. It's better to have a regular bike. Don't suffer. Yeah. I'll take, you know, I'll wait until it gets too easy and then I'll step it up from there, you know. Dude, just get one kettlebell.

Just get one kettlebell. I've got one. I think, I don't know if you sent it to me. Onnit sent it to me. They sent me the Ironman one. Okay. Beautiful. Yeah. It's good. That's a good one. It's 45 pounds. It's a good size. And they sent me one of those, two of those jugglers

bats. Those are fucking deadly heavy. Yeah. Those are great. I got weak wrists, so that shit hurts when I do those. They're really good for your shoulders. Really good for your forearms, grip strength, all that stuff. Yeah, we have a bunch of programs that John Wolfe, the head fitness instructor at Onnit, put together during this quarantine so people can work out at home with minimal equipment, these home workouts for six weeks. They're big.

Get on that, buddy. Well, I was dropping good weight off the jiu-jitsu. Yeah. Jiu-jitsu plus stress equals weight loss for me, really. Regardless of what you eat. Yeah. I went from when I started back at jiu-jitsu, I was 240 pounds, which is fucking huge. You got big, huh?

Fat. You saw me. Yeah. You knew I was fat, but you're just too fucking nice to say it. I'm not nice to everybody. I know. Well, listen, you know what? I don't know that because I've only seen you be nice to people. Except

for a couple of times I've seen some rando stranger end up in the green room. You're like, dude, you gotta get the fuck out of here. No, but I'm a big fish. Yeah, that's fine. Thank you. You can get the fuck out of my green room now. Get out of the green room. Well, there's a few of those guys who made it to the back of the main room. Yeah. They just walked back there and then they would like ask for stuff and you'd be like,

who is this guy? Yeah. What are you doing here? Yeah. Yeah. But that's the old days. The comedy store is pretty tightened down or was before COVID tightened down with security. I'm wondering when they're going to open up again, man.

Well, they were talking September, weren't they? Late September, early October. Is that what they're going to open up again, man. Well, they were talking September, weren't they? Late September, early October. Is that what they're saying now? Well, that's what I had heard before this double lockdown. Jesus Christ. Speaking of lockdown, that's what you tried to do to me when we rolled. Yes. And I tapped on the way to it.

You had me in a calf slicer. No, you thought it was a calf slicer. Well, you know who thought it was a calf slicer? My fucking calf thought it was a calf slicer, Joseph. I was just using, I was going into a twister roll. I was going to put you in a twister. Yeah, why would you do that to me? You know, you're nice to me, but why would you want to twist me like that?

It's not that bad. It's not that bad. For the guy doing it, it's not that bad. It's not. I've been caught in a twister multiple times. It's just you tapped in the roll. That's what happened. Yeah.

It was my calf. I was like, ah! You didn't enjoy it. But that's probably because you need the roll. That's what happened. Yeah. It was my calf. I was like, ah! You didn't enjoy it. But that's probably because you need electrolytes. That's probably what it is. Or maybe I don't need a fucking shin. Your bitch ass shins, by the way, on my fucking calf. You just need to know how to defend it.

You can't let me roll you in that way. Well, now, I mean, now I probably have better defense for it. It's a natural instinct, really. It's like what people don't want to do is give up their back, right? So if you're inside control in a person, what they don't want to do is give up their back. So they don't want to roll away from you. So they roll towards you. But when they roll towards you, you take that top leg, which would be their left leg,

and I lace my left leg over and under, and I lock it down. Then I sit up, and I roll towards your butt. Yes. And then as I roll towards your butt, it spins you and I wind up on your back. Yes. And. I remember. Remember clearly.

That's Eddie Bravo. That's all Eddie Bravo shit. Fucking Eddie. Yeah. He's trying to figure out different ways to get to the back and get to the twister and then get to, there's a bunch of leg locks you can do from those positions too. I'm not a leg locker. That's it.

Looks like Eddie and Andrew Schultz. It does look like Andrew Schultz, but it's not. That's Henner Gracie. I saw Henner Gracie on my Instagram feed selling sweatshirts. Yeah, he made up his own sweatshirt. It's kind of a cool idea. Yeah, it becomes a backpack. Yeah.

It, like, folds up into a backpack, and it's, if you're on the go, I kind of get it. I mean, I don't see it. Yeah. I mean, I've never been in that desperate where I'm like, fuck, this sweatshirt is killing me. What am I doing? You have no storage. Son of a bitch! You don't have a car or a hotel room or something?

Give it to somebody. Hey, you cold? You look chilly. You want to wear this? Wrap it around your neck. It's a big deal. Tie it around your waist. I, you cold? You look chilly. You want to wear this? Wrap it around your neck. It's a big deal. Tie it around your waist. I, um...

Oh, fuck. Oh, did you ever download that mix I sent you? What mix? I sent you a metal mix, like an 80s metal mix. It's actually really dope. When did you do this? How long ago? In December, I sent it to you.

When we were having dinner, I said, John, I'm going to email it to you. Dude, my brain is so foggy. You'd really like it. Whatever happened from December on. It's still probably in your inbox somewhere. Probably. I'll go find it.

But what is it? It's a buddy of mine, Scotty Fox. He's a DJ. And he does these really dope, really well put together mixtapes. Yeah? And it's not like a lot of, there's no scratching. It's just like really well programmed and mixed to the point where you're like that flowed from beginning to end fucking incredibly

you are big into being a dj in 35 years are you doing any of that while you're in lockdown are you having like little parties at your house or anything no i'll go on live every now and then and dj for a little bit. But Instagram shuts people out when they're playing music and they try to claim. They do? Yeah, dude. They kick you off

and they say you violated copyrights. Did you see the RZA and DJ premiere when they did it? How awesome was that? That was fucking amazing. And I love both of them, but I really feel like Primo went easy on RZA.

Oh my goodness. I do. Is that what you really think? I do. Listen, I'm friends with both of them, but... What are you trying to say? I'm trying to say that Primo had a lot more ammo

in his fucking arsenal that he didn't use. I didn't understand it was a true battle. I thought it was just a performance. No. Or battle. It's a battle, song for song. And it's like, oh, you got that?

I got this. And then RZA did pull out something and I'm embarrassed that I didn't fucking know he produced it it was a long kiss good night by biggie i didn't know if rizza did that beat i didn't know that either and i was like fuck that's one of my favorite biggie songs it was just cool because you were watching these two hip-hop legends that were making the most of the pandemic you know they were in the middle of this weird thing where everybody's at home and so you knew so many people like millions of people were watching live yeah well swiss beats started that the versus thing and uh and then they did teddy riley versus baby face which was incredible as well

the first one was hilarious i didn't i didn't get a chance to watch the jada fabulous one yet the fucking beanie man versus bountyounty Killer was incredible. What is this page, Jamie? It's Versus. It turned into a whole platform and brand, and now it might even be a show, and they're linked to Apple. What is the name of it? Versus. We can see that. Versus with a Z.

Yeah, Versus. V-E-R-Z-U-Z TV. Versus. Versus TV. Yeah, Versus. It's so-and-so versus versus versus. And how many followers do they have on this 1.9 million it's crazy well you know it's fun how things arise from necessity from things like

covid like we're talking about andrew schultz created that covid comedy like he's doing these videos and it arrived from not being able to create and do stand-up well he you know he was he was already on the way to setting up that studio that he has. Yes. And then it just fucking, you know. Perfect timing. Perfect timing. And the kid's incredible.

I'm a fan. I'm a big fan of him. Before all of that, I was a fan. Yeah. He's a hustler. He's a hustler and he's really fucking good. Yep. Yeah.

Not mad at that guy's success at all. But I feel that he should have way more success than he has. He's got a lot of success and will have more. He will but he's the future yeah i think so yeah there's a there's a good crop there's a good crop of up-and-coming guys yeah i just love the fact that people make lemonade you know they figure out a way like okay what am i what can i do here yeah i got some lemons i gotta this ain't good but let's let's figure out how to make this this is really sour. What should we do with this?

Yeah. Yeah. And that's something that, you know, you don't always see from people. There's a lot of woe is me guys, you know, when the shit hits the fan. Yeah. You know, I feel a woe to myself sometimes, but I'm also very aware that I am the reason I'm woeing. Even when I text you, I'm like, you know, you go, that sucks. And I go, it's my fault, Joe. Yeah. I'm all about accountability, you know that sucks and I go it's my fault Joe I'm all about accountability

you know you are yeah and your fault is your fault you can't pass the buck no matter what situation you're in in your life you fucking got yourself there sometimes it's good to go through that shit though right it's a personal growth moment absolutely opportunity for you to recalibrate

I think I used to be a pussy hound. What? Yeah, I know. You? But not anymore, that's for sure. I got fucking PTSD, dude. I'm not fucking. PTSD from pussy.

Yeah. I'm literally like, you know what? I'm good. I got Pornhub. I'm quite happy with that. My selections. I know how to love myself. Whoa.

We're getting heavy here bro we gotta do something there was dead moments and it's my fault what are you gonna do it's hard man good cigars they're good right yeah

shout out to Mike Binder like Mike Binder such a good guy I'm looking forward to that doc when it comes out. It's going to be interesting, you know, because it details so many generations and so many different versions of the store. You know, from the very early days in the 70s to what was really the last, you know, the last few years was this incredible boom that was unprecedented. By the way, I mentioned you in that.

boom, that was unprecedented. By the way, I mentioned you in that. When I was doing the interview, he said, what do you think is one of the reasons for the renaissance here at the Comedy Stone? I said, I'll be honest, I think it's Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan came here, came back, and he brought a lot of people with him, and he swears by this place. And I said, I really don't think it would be what it is without him.

That's very nice of you. Well, it's true. I wouldn't just say it to say it, but I said it. I appreciate't think it would be what it is without him. That's very nice of you. Well, it's true. I wouldn't just say it to say it, but I said it. I appreciate that. It's a fact. Well, it became a better place. You know, when Adam was running it then, and then- I like Adam. Yeah.

Despite what a lot of people don't like Adam. He's great. He's great with me. I've known him for a long time. I had him on the podcast. You know, he used to be in a cult. Did he really? Oh, you know, his parents and him, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he grew up- That's fucking weird. Oh, yeah. Grew be in a cult. Did he really? Oh, you know his parents and him, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he grew up. That's fucking weird. Oh, yeah. Grew up in a cult. Yeah. And didn't really realize it. No, I guess you wouldn't because you didn't know anything else.

Right. What cult was his? Did you grow up? What was it called again? Do you remember? Branch Davidians, I believe. Speaking of Texas. Yeah, it was something along those lines.

Waco is always going to be that place now. Like, even the documentary. Yeah, no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. It was Seedoo. Seedoo, right. Yeah.

Seedoo. You know who grew up in an ashram was Abby. You know Abby Roberge? No. You know him. He's at the store. Young kid. Okay.

Nice kid. He grew up in an ashram. Wow. What the fuck? That's heavy. That's heavy. So his parents were Buddhists? Yeah, like hippie types, you know?

Oh, wow. He's not even old enough to have hippie parents, so it's kind of weird. Wow. But he was telling me that. He goes, yeah, I grew up in an ashram. Any age, you could be old enough to have hippie parents. Yeah, I suppose. Especially in this day and age.

There's a lot of kids up there right now that are growing up with hippie parents. This is a renaissance for hippies. New age hippie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But there's so many of kids up there right now that are growing up with hippie parents. This is a renaissance for hippies. Yeah. But there's so many of them online now. They find these little communities and they connect with each other. There's too much out there. There's too much out there. Too many weirdos can connect with other weirdos.

Yeah. Is that bad, though? It's good and bad. It's a double-edged sword. I think it's good. It's good that they found somebody. Remember, like George Carlin used to say, I think we should, you know, the homeless people that you see on the street talking to themselves, they should pair them up

so at least they look like they're talking to each other. I think the possible good things outweigh the possible bad things. I think they get together and maybe they can improve each other. Maybe they can grow together. If you're a hippie by yourself, you're fucked. If you're doing anything by yourself, it's not good. Yeah.

Well, that's one thing. That's why when I see the homeless people under the bridge and I see them together, I'm like, well, I mean, it sucks, but at least you're not alone in this. Right.

If you had a measurement of happiness scale, I bet some of them are probably happier than people that work constantly. Yeah. I mean, what actually makes you happy? And it also depends on which makes you miserable.

Yeah. Which part of this don't you like? Being alone is a big one, man. Being alone makes you very miserable. Yeah. I mean, I'm quite happy being alone right now. But that's a different situation. Different situation.

You like being alone because it's better than wishing you were alone. Yes. I'm not alone by force. I'm alone by choice. Yeah. That's probably the worst, is wishing you were alone. Like, being with someone who you wish you weren't with is worse than being alone. Yes.

Because you feel alone. You know what's really fucked up? It's like, it's very difficult to figure out how do you get back, if you're with someone you don't want to be with anymore, it's very difficult to figure out how do you get back to where you were when you enjoyed them? Is that possible? Or can you do that? Some people know.

It needs to be both of you. Yes. That want to go back. Yes. And it's never, there's, you know, one of you is going to hang on to something. Yes. And you're both going to hang on to different parts of something, and that's what's going to stop the reversal of fortune.

That's why you've got to do mushrooms together. All right. Do you have? Yes. Give me some before I go. Okay. And I'll take a little microdose. We'll see what's up.

At my leisure. I'm going to call you when I'm about to do it, though. Yeah. Well, I'll walk you through it. Do it on a night that I'm not going anywhere. Okay. I'll stay on the phone with you. I'll come to your house.

It'll be a strange conversation. About an hour in. You know, you should just come to my house and hang out in the backyard. Okay. It's not far from you. I'll be your babysitter. That'd be great. Okay.

I couldn't ask for a better babysitter. That's what you got to do sometimes. They actually call it a sitter. yeah when someone does psychedelics the other person will be a sitter yeah because i can't trust eddie my assistant he'll fucking not foolish at the google i had to make a phone call i'm like well why am i in the fucking pool upside down then who told you go in the pool the fucking voice in my head told me to go in the pool the voice you had not gonna tell you go in the pool it's to tell you to lie down on the grass and just relax. Stare up at the sky.

It's going to be okay. Until it's not okay anymore. And then it's not going to matter. And then what? Then you go into the next stage of existence. How long do the microdosing last? Microdosing is easy. You barely notice it's happening.

The thing about true microdosing is you're supposed to take it at really almost like sub-perceptible levels. So you're taking it at a level where it's like you just barely get like a tiny rise from it. And for many people, you know, Ron White is into that. Fucking Ron White makes me laugh. Dude, he has no clue half the time what's happening. He's the best. I remember one night I dropped him home from the comedy store. He was, we were there.

Everybody was drinking. I don't know if you know, he has drinks every now and then. What? I was feeling good. He was feeling good. And he came outside. He's like, I gotta get home. Who can drive me? Can somebody call me an Uber? And I go, I'll get you home, Ron. He goes, are you gonna drive? You're drunk. I go, no, I'm not. My buddy

will drive my car. Alright, let's go. And I realized he gets in the front. You get in the front, Ron. I sat in the backseat of my car. My buddy drives us. I go, where do you live? Beverly Hills. So he gets us to his house.

And he's like, all right, thanks, fellas. Hey, you want to come in and see what comedy can buy you? And I'm like, in my head at that moment, I went, he doesn't realize it's me. And I go, yeah, sure, I'll come in. So I go in his house. He goes, yeah, this is it. It's all comedy. And I go, nice.

And in my head, I'm thinking, my house is bigger than this. Right? And then he goes, and his girlfriend walks in and goes, oh, hey, honey, this is, I'm sorry, bud. I forgot your name. And she goes, oh, my God, Russell Peters. And he goes like this, ah, fuck. He was that. I forgot your name. And she goes, oh, my God, Russell Peters. And he goes like this. Ah, fuck. He was that drunk you forgot your name? He forgot.

He didn't recognize me. I don't know what it was. As soon as he heard my name, he goes, ah, fuck. Oh, my God. That's blitzed. I thought it was pretty hilarious, actually. That's a high level of blitzed. Hey, call me, man.

Here's my number. Give me a call. That is, by the way, the worst Ron White impression I think I've ever heard. Possibly. Here's what comedy can buy you. It was my... He's a character from a movie. He is. He's a really fucking funny

guy, too, though. Oh, he's ridiculously funny. I've been on flights with him, and he didn't... I sat, like, in the... He was on the other aisle across from me, and I didn't even say anything to him. He looked right at me, didn't recognize me again. I'm like. Last time he did this podcast, we were talking and I go, how often do you get fucked up?

He's like, every fucking night. I go, you get drunk every night. He goes, every fucking night. We had this conversation afterwards. I was like, you don't take any days off? No. I don't think his liver would accept him taking a night off. But you imagine getting drunk every night and he doesn't look bad. No. I don't think his liver would accept him taking a night off. But you imagine getting drunk every night and he doesn't look bad.

No. For a guy. Great fucking hair. Good hair is amazing. It's got great. I got fucking hair envy. And he's a killer. Like on stage, he's a fucking killer.

Like it doesn't affect his stand up. In fact, it probably enhances it. And the guy's been doing it forever. Yeah. I'm what, 31 in? You're 31 in, aren't you? Yeah. How do you tell a guy like that to change it up?

You can't. Because it's not a problem. He's a functioning alcoholic. He's living in Austin now. Is he really? Yep. Wow. So everybody knows where you're going?

Shh. Don't tell anybody. Nobody will hear this. Don't worry about it. We're going to be fine. Shh. Keep it on the DL. You think you're going to stay here, though?

You're going to stay here? I have no choice. Talk those broads into moving. I can't. Huh? It will cost me a fortune that I do not have right now. Podcast. You need to get that.

I should. Russell Peters podcast rolling. What would you call it? I don't know. What would you call it? The Russell Peters Show? Sure. Why not?

Sounds good. It doesn't need another name. Yeah. Everybody wants to come up with these fucking, like, Brian Callen had mixed mental arts for a while. Exactly. Exactly. Me and Chob were torturing him. We were like, what are you doing?

I was just with Brian at Frank Grillo's birthday at Frank Grillo's place. And it was like. You see he's got his eyelids done? Yeah, I couldn't tell. Yeah, nobody could tell. No. He looked like he got the fuck beat out of him for about three days. Yeah. And now he looks normal.

Yeah, he did have kind of like a purpley thing under. I thought he was from sparring or something. No, from vanity. And I think Gerard Butler was there that night. Oh, Gerard Butler's a really nice guy he's a good guy I met him at a few UFC's

super nice guy and at the end of the night I said to Brian I go well you killed tonight man you won tonight's you won tonight's party that's for sure

oh he's great at a party oh yeah he's great he's one of the best guys for being funny in groups of people yeah

cause that's when he comes alive. Like, if he never did stand-up again, but he just went to dinner every night, he'd be fine. He could be a professional guest. Yes. Yes. Yeah. A professional dinner guest.

Yeah. Hey, listen, this dinner might be boring. How much does Callan charge for dinner? Dude, the first time I ever went hunting, I went hunting with Callan, me and him and Steve Rinell and the Meat Eater crew, and we went to Montana, and it was seven days of hysterics. It was like one long shit, dick, or gay joke. It was just him being—

No, dude, let's just make out. Yeah, exactly. That's the whole thing. Like, what would you do right now if I just started sucking your cock? Just me sucking your cock. He's just such a— You know, people think about comedians, oh, they're on all the time. That's so annoying.

It's not annoying with Callan. No, he knows how to do it properly. Well, it's a different kind of on. It's Brian Callan on. Yeah, he'd be a great professional dinner guest. You know how people do cameo? Yeah. I do cameo.

Someone pays you to do a little shout out. Matter of fact, I have one I have to do when I'm cameo. Yeah. Someone pays you to do like a little shout out. Matter of fact, I have one I have to do when I'm done here. Oh, let's do it real quick. But with Callan, like Callan should do that, but with dinner guests. He should be a dinner guest. He should. Yeah. I bet you he could make a fucking fortune.

Oh, for sure. How many rich guys would love to hang out with Callan? Yeah. And even if they don't know him. Yeah. Once they get him, they're like, oh yeah. Because I saw Gerard Butler go, hey, we need to hang out. And I'm like, I I hang out too, man.

I didn't say shit all night. I shut up in a lot of those situations because I'm watching everything. I'm always like, what's going on in here? But when a lot of people are talking, there's nothing wrong with shutting up. It's fun. You don't learn when you talk, you learn when you listen.

So that's what I was trying to do. Yeah, look at you, wise man. You should write that down somewhere and put it on an Instagram page. I think I read it somewhere. Motivational quotes. Yeah. I miss Jack Handy quotes.

Those were my favorite. Jack Handy? Remember Jack Handy from SNL? No. It would always be like a Hallmark kind of quote. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man who's crying. Stuff like that.

You pull those up there? Nothing has been better for those kind of things than the internet. Oh yeah. That's the thing now. You see people fucking write one line like, fuck that would have been a great bit. Now I can't do it because this fucking idiot boasted this. And it's also just that memes on the internet is a different style of comedy.

It's like a whole new kind of comedy that didn't exist before. Yeah. You know, when something goes wrong, like little memes. Those are my favorite. They're fucking great. I like, what did I, I screenshot them, and then I sent them to my brother. I sent one today to him, I think.

There was one I saw that said, my wife's gone into labor. I called the hospital. My wife's gone into labor. What should I do? Is this her first child? No, this is her husband. Blah, blah, blah. I called the hospital. My wife's gone into labor. What should I do? Is this her first child? No, this is her husband. I love dumb shit like that, though. You're a throwback.

I'm old school. That's a Jeff Ross type. I spoke to Jeff last night. How's he doing? He's doing good. Yeah, he's doing good. I love Jeff. He's such a sweet guy. Everybody's in suspended animation.

Everybody. The only thing that's been connecting me to everybody is doing this. Like being able to sit down with guys, shoot the shit with them. Other than last weekend with Tony and Moses when we went to Houston. That felt like the old days again. It was crazy. You did the Houston Improv? Yeah.

I was there. It was my first time ever there. Really? Yeah. Stage is really high. It's great. Yeah. It's a great club.

I like it. I like it a lot. It was really fun. What was capacity? 50? 75? They were up to 75. Yeah. Yeah. 75%. I think that's what they were doing in Miami too. It's pretty packed. Yeah. It looked full. So Kreischer's on the road, right? And he's doing drive-in movie theaters. I saw that. And he's got Jesus with him. Yes. And in between, and he did the drive-in with Miss Pat as well. Hilarious. Yeah, I love Miss Pat. She's great. In between, he did some clubs, and he did a club in Oklahoma. It was supposed to be 120 seats, socially distanced.

They stuffed 343 people in there. Oh, hilarious. And they lied to him about the number. So Jesus went around counting heads. Yep. And he counted 343 people, and they were like, that count was grossly inaccurate. Wow. I have my assistant count at the club too. I'm like, Eddie, go

count every fucking seat. I don't want to be fucking shortchanged by their book. Because I'm already getting shortchanged. The money's bad now. The money's less. They're charging less. But in their Bert situation, Bert was worried about catching COVID. He's like, look man,

I did drive in movie theaters for a reason so that I would be away from everybody. They're in their car. I'm over here. Everybody's safe. And he's like, now I'm in this club. He goes, I don't feel safe at all. He goes, this is not good. They just stuffed it, dude.

I'll show you a picture. He sent me a picture of it. I mean, it's fucking stuffed, man. Like, full on stuffed. Fucking Bert and Tom called me a couple of weeks ago. Hey, is Hindi a religion? I go, no. No, Hindi's a language, you fucking idiot.

Hindu's the religion. Yeah, that's the one I like. That's the one I like? That's the one I like. What the fuck does that even mean? That's literally what Bert called to ask me. What does that mean? That's the religion I like?

That's the religion he likes. What's your favorite part? What do you like about that mean? That's the religion I like. That's the religion he likes. What's your favorite part? What do you like about that one? That's the one with Shiva. Yeah, that's the one I like. Look at this. Like it's a fucking trilogy. Look how packed that place is.

Oh, Jesus Christ. He sent me that. He goes, fuck. He goes, I don't feel safe. I'm like, yeah. That's in Oklahoma? Yeah. I'm like, yeah, you shouldn't feel safe.

I like that there's one guy with the mask on. Yeah, one guy. Meanwhile, the fucking cases in Oklahoma are through the roof. Are they really? Yeah. Here, I'll put this up on, I'll send this to you, Jamie, so that you can put it online. Shame these people. We don't even have to say who it is.

But, you know, there's a lot of people that'll tell you, you know, they'll tell you that they've got X amount of people in the audience but then once you actually get there man i think once you get to middle america they're not as ball busting the the uh authorities um well the thing is i don't think it's the authorities man i think it's the people in the club they're fucking hurting man and they're willing to do anything i I just sent it to you, Jamie. The people that are, I mean, imagine if you've gone, you know, 10 years in the business. There it is.

Look at that, folks. There's the guy with the mask. Look how preposterous. That guy looks like an employee, too. Yeah. That is fucking preposterous, the size of that crowd. That they told him it was only going to be 120 people socially distant. They're stuffed in there. Your count is grossly inaccurate.

I bet someone online can count 340 people from that photo. Yeah, that's a lot of fucking people really close to each other. See, the clubs I've been playing, I've noticed they've been paying attention. Like in San Diego, the American Comedy Club, they had no front row at all. Yeah, they're doing it right. Yeah, no front row at all, and then it was after that, it was tables. Yeah, San Diego's doing it right. Now, see, that wouldn't bother me nearly as much.

347, that's the count. Jesus Christ. That's a full club. It's a full club. It's very much a full club. That's a packed house. San Diego's smart. That's good.

See, as long as there's enough space between you and them, so if they're laughing, you're not getting it in your mouth. Mm-hmm. You know? And you're higher than them already, so. That's what good—see, as long as there's enough space between you and them, so if they're laughing, you're not getting it in your mouth. Mm-hmm. You know? And you're higher than them already, so. That's what you need. And you also probably should have a shield. I spit a lot when I'm on stage.

Wow. And that's why I would say, like, there's a reason you're back there and I'm here. We've got to get to a point where there's a test that you can take immediately. So if they have that saliva test, there's a saliva test. The saliva test makes the most sense to me because that's where it's transmitted. That's where the blood test seems a little... I mean, I get what you're doing, but saliva seems like the most direct way

you would get it. Where'd you get your medical degree? I'm a doctor. I don't know if you know about this. I'm a doctor of the mix, motherfucker. I think that they're going to have those soon. And apparently they're really quick, like within a few seconds. You could lick something and it'll tell you.

Because you're more likely to get spit on you from somebody else than blood. But bro, that would be amazing. Everybody wears a mask in line. You get to the door. You lick the thing. It says you're clean. And everybody can come in and be a normal person. If we can get to that, we can open up everything.

Restaurants, movie theaters, comedy clubs. Beaches. Yeah, they should put all their effort on that. And I know they're apparently real close to that. Someone was telling Dan, Trump was telling someone that. And it's got to be true. Yeah, it's got to be. He wouldn't lie.

Never. A couple of states today have issued statewide facial covering requirements in public spaces, including Texas and I think Ohio. Well, California's had that for a while, right? We just did that, yeah. Yeah, I have my mask in the car. I wear it as needed. I understand why I'm wearing it. Dude, I was busting Bill Burr's balls about it.

Like, you don't wear a mask? CDC says, you don't. I was just trying to rile him up. Right. And they started writing all these articles. Like, I'm seriously a mask denier or something. A mask denier. People are so silly with what they decide to-

You're an anti-mask apologist? Which is one of those things where people are just looking for things to be upset about. Fucking, I would love to hear Billy's version. Oh, he's the best. Nobody rants better. Well, he's also got rant muscles because he's ranting every week. He does his podcast solo, which is amazing that he can produce that much content. I mean, every fucking week he's doing two podcasts, the Monday morning podcast on Monday

and he does it on Thursday too. So he's doing two long rants every week. And now he's doing one with Bert. Yes, the Bill and Bert show. Bill Bert. Bill Bert, yeah. That's a great name. It is perfect.

Bill Bert podcast. And they're so complete fucking polar opposites. Yes. That's what makes it great. Well, Bert's a hustler, man. You got to give it up to Bert Kreischer. I mean, he's the one who figured out how to do this drive-in movie theater thing. He's got that Two Bears, One Cave he does with Tom.

That's doing really well. He's got his own podcast. He's fucking hustling. I did Bert's podcast maybe six years ago. He came to my house when I was in Malibu, and we did it in my house. We did it up in my bedroom, I believe. Oh, really? Yeah, we sat on the couch out there.

That's cool. Yeah, man, you should do your own. I really should. You 100% should do your own. Now's the time. I think on a worldwide scale, I'm going to do pretty well. You're just going to do pretty well here, too. But the thing is, you've got to get going.

Because it takes a few months for them to really get cooking and really get a bunch of people into it. But if you think about it now, we're here in June. It's almost July. I don't see us opening any comedy until September or October. I just... I'm scheduled to be in Stand Up Live in Phoenix next weekend. Whoa. But literally day by day, I'm getting a text,

closed, open, closed, open, closed, open. About them? Yeah. Oh. Well, Arizona's wild. Arizona is wild. That is the wild west, son. I mean, they're connected to open. About them? Yeah. Oh. Well, Arizona's wild. Arizona is wild. That is the wild west, son. I mean, they are connected to Mexico.

They give zero fucks. They survived Indian attacks. They have an open carry state. First of all, I've never attacked anybody. That's a different kind of Indian. We're the real ones. You are the real ones. Is that offensive that other people call themselves Indians and never even been to India? You mean the Native Americans? Yeah. The Native Americans do not accept the word Indian.

They do. That's where you're wrong. I had a Native American lady on this podcast talking to me about Native American tribes and they actually use the term Indian. They like Indian. American Indian. We don't like that. Because they were only called that because he was looking for India.

Yeah, he fucked up. Yeah. What a fuck up too. I know. Jesus. He knew this wasn't India. You don't think so? Yeah, he fucking knew. He was like, oh, that must be India. He was like, they don't know. That must. Jesus. He knew this wasn't India. You don't think so? Yeah, he fucking knew.

He was like, oh, that must be India. He was like, they don't know. That must be India. Those must be the Indians. Really? Yeah, of course. Christopher Columbus was fucking lost. That's why I was like, what do you do on Columbus Day?

She's getting your car and she's turning your GPS off? Well, didn't they land in the Bahamas? Possibly. I think they landed in the Bahamas. Who, Christopher Columbus? I think the first people that were, Amerigo Vespucci. Did he land here? That's where America comes from, right?

The name America is Amerigo Vespucci. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm very ignorant to that. Yeah. That's why I like talking to you, because you do give me information of shit I didn't know. Very little, and I'm often wrong. That's fine.

Don't get your information from me. Yeah, but your confidence is within. I'm confident I'm wrong a. That's fine. Don't get your information from me. Yeah, but your confidence is within. I'm with... I believe your confidence. I'm confident I'm wrong a lot. Trust me. But yeah, I think they landed... I think they didn't even land in America proper. I think they landed in the Bahamas first, if I remember correctly,

which is ridiculous. And when, 1600s? I don't know. I mean, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, right? That's what they say. That's when it happened. We didn't learn that in Canada. It says actually neither of them landed in America.

Where'd they land? I'm trying to remember. America, Vespucci. Bahamas for Columbus. Yeah, there we go. I'm trying to see where Vespucci landed. See, I know some things. I occasionally know some things.

But, you know, what's crazy is that we still celebrate Columbus Day when we know he's a fucking serial killer. I mean, the guy was a ruthless murderer. A horrific person. The shit that they did to the Native Americans that was documented by the missionaries that came along with them. Yeah, but in Outer Mongolia they have Genghis Khan Day, which is really a nice day. That's hilarious. The fireworks are incredible.

The rapings. The murders. The skull. Lighting people on fire. The skull pyramid. Yeah, dude. Have you ever listened to The Wrings, the murders. The skull. Lighting people on fire. The skull pyramid. Yeah, dude. Have you ever listened to The Wrath of the Khans from Dan Carlin from Hardcore History? I didn't know much about Genghis Khan. I knew he was a conqueror and all that stuff. I knew he was ruthless as fuck.

Ruthless as fuck. But when you listen to The Wrath of the Khans from Hardcore History, I think you can only get it on Dan Carlin's website now. Dan Carlin has a system where he keeps a certain amount of them, makes them available for free on his iTunes page,

but then once they get to a certain number, then he archives them on his website, and then you have to pay, but it's only a dollar an episode. And they're amazing. He's got a podcast, but to call his podcast and my podcast the same thing is ridiculous. Like, his podcast is really like an amazing, super entertaining audio history book,

whereas this is just you and me talking shit. Yeah, but yours, I think you're underestimating how entertaining yours is because I could put it on with no matter who the fuck your guest is. Even if I'm like, I don't know who that is, but I'll watch it. And then I watch it and I go, I just learned so much. Well, that's good. It's good. And it's

you know, and sometimes I find even when you have the more, the people that you think you're going to get more from you, like, that wasn't it. Sometimes, yeah, you never know. You never know who's going to be a good guest. It's that you got elon to fucking talk yeah because i've met him yeah not a talker well he likes me and he knows i like him and we can talk like he knows that i respect him very much i respect the shit out of him and i'm very curious and so i can i know how to pull things out of him and after we did first one, like the first one was a little rough at first, man.

If you go back and listen to the first one, the first like maybe, you know, 15, 20 minutes, it's kind of pulling teeth and doing heavy lifting. But then he got comfortable. He was super comfortable when I first met him. When he came to the studio, he was real warm and friendly, gave me the flamethrower. It was good times. That one? Yeah.

But then once he settled in and then we started, we drank. That was one of the reasons why we started drinking right away. I wanted to loosen him up. And then once he got loosened up, then we had a good time. I met him from Jon Favreau, so I figured Fav and him are really good friends. I thought he'd be like, you know, oh, cool, you're friends with Fav. It was like, hey, that's me. Dude, he's almost too smart.

He's like talking to dogs. Yeah, I mean, he's got a different level of looking at things and making things happen. Yeah, you and I are a couple of collies. Yeah, we're fucking idiots. I mean, me for sure. For sure, both of us. I'm a chihuahua. I'm not even a fucking collie.

We're morons. And he's digging tunnels under LA and shooting rockets into space. Meanwhile, he's making electric cars and solar panels and SolarCity. Like, what the fuck, man? Yeah, he's the Dr. Dre of science. He's the Nikola Tesla of 2020 is what he is. That's why he named it after him. It's important to have guys like that around.

It's funny when people talk shit about him. And he's our age. That's the fucking crazy part. Younger than us. Yeah, he's younger than us. I think he's like 46 or something. I did a Canadian talk show

and his mom was on with me. This was earlier this year, I think. Did they have to plug her in? Was she a robot? She's beautiful. Really? Yeah, she's like 70,

but she was a model and you could see it. You're like, oh yeah. I felt awkward. I'm like, hey, she's beautiful really yeah she's like 70 but she's really she was a model and you could see you're like oh yeah she's i felt i felt awkward i'm like hey she's fucking hot yeah not too awkward because i was like i would take a run out if i had the chance you know maybe get the rub get a little smarter but uh yeah i don't think i was imagine you fuck a smart person you get a little smarter that'd be amazing that would be amazing yeah because i i think i've definitely gotten dumber as As you got older? No, by fucking dumb women.

Oh, yeah. You get dumber. Yeah, you make dumb choices. Because you've got to dumb it down to make yourself get in there. Right. You go to their level. Right. And then when you go to a smarter woman's level, you elevate yourself.

But then because they're smarter, you can't get away with the same bullshit. There's nothing more embarrassing than if you think a girl is not so smart, and then you find out she is smart. That's how you know she's smart, because she played it like she's not smart. You know, Suzanne Summers was like that. She's a very intelligent woman who understood, I'm going to use this

to my advantage. That makes sense. As was Farrah Fawcett. Really? She's real smart? She was a very intelligent woman who knew that it was like, okay, I see. I see what you're looking for. Brian Callen told me he did a movie with Megan Fox, and he said he made that mistake. He was talking to her like she was a dummy, and then she turned on him, rattled off a bunch of facts and information, and he realized, like, oh.

Yeah, there's a reason these people are in the place they're in. Not always. Well, a lot of times. Some of them are hot. True. Some of them fuck their way. True. That's true, too.

I remember Whitney got mad at me one night at the Laugh Factory. For what? I don't know. You know, I was showing another comic, like, pics. This was years ago. Pics that girls had sent me. Right. Nudes and shit.

And she goes goes i want to see and i go it's just naked women she goes let me see what the girl sent you and i show her and she got fucking mad she was like you know you gotta stop dating fucking stupid women russell this isn't this is disgusting go i didn't want to show you this she was like no you need to do better you're not an idiot why the fuck you dating idiots so i go all right i fucking felt bad after but you know why she gets like that? Because she's really smart. No, I know.

So she probably gets upset at dumb women setting a bad example. Because I'm sure she gets treated like she's a dumb woman. And she's not. So she probably sees dumb women and sees that you give them attention. She's like, ugh. She's like, you're hurting us. You're hurting the cause. And I'm like, you know what?

And I get it. And the thing with female comics, I don't look at them as female comics. I look at them as comics. Right. Because I'm like, if you're able to do the same job where there's no male or female in my eyes, we are doing the exact same job, the genders are relevant. Well, stand-up comedy is very much a meritocracy. Very much.

Yes. The ones who are really good get a lot of respect. Right. No matter what they are. Gay, straight, male, female. Sarah Silverman's one of my favorite comics of all time. Bro, she's a murderer. I see her murder.

Fucking incredible. Murder. And that's gender free. That's male, female, doesn't matter. She's a fucking beast. Yeah. Yeah, she's a killer. Same with fighters.

Female fighters. Oh, yeah. I don't look at them as female fighters. Look at them as fighters. Well, yeah. Because they have the balls to do something I'm not going to be able to do. Get in there and put it on the line. Do you think you'd do a jiu-jitsu match?

I was supposed to do the Worlds this year. Cut the fuck out of here. I was going to do the Masters. Really? Yeah, in August. Wow. I was so excited for it because I had dropped weight and I was going to go down to 205 because I think the weight limit's 212 with the gi on. And I'm already at 210.

I'm like, fucking five more pounds, not a big deal. Wow. So Blue Belt Masters. Blue Belt Masters under 50 because I'll be 50 in September. Wow. I was so excited about it. And then this fucking whole, I was like so pissed. I'm like, come on.

It's not even July. I know. Come on, baby. It's not going to'm like come on it's not even July I know come on baby it's not gonna happen this year it's not gonna happen no event no they're not happening it's not happening this year the Olympics are cancelled this year

is that real yeah Jesus Christ the Olympics are for this year right yeah they're not happening the Olympics aren't happening the Olympics aren't happening the fucking World Master Jiu Jitsu

is gonna happen no well there have been some grappling competitions, though. Submission Underground. The EBIs and all that kind of stuff. Well, Chael Sonnen's event, Submission Underground. Is that Gi or no Gi?

No Gi. Listen, I like no Gi, but I'm not ready for no Gi. Yeah? How come? I don't train enough no Gi. I'll train no Gi every now and then. And I enjoy it, but it's a much faster game. And it's definitely different with grips and stuff.

Grips are different. A lot of the neck grabbing that I don't like. You don't like neck grabbing? Because I get pimples on my neck. I'm like, I'm always fucking, get your fucking hand away from me. Like, it's like boxing for me. When I see the hand come out, I push it out of the way so I can get their neck, you know? Well, John Jock always says, don't ever trust your neck.

That's what he always tells me. He goes, don't ever trust your neck. That's what he always tells me. He goes, don't ever trust your neck. Yep. Unless you have my neck. And then the guy that gave you the iron neck. Yes. Yeah. They came.

He came to the gym shortly after I did the podcast last time. And he was dropping off one to John Jack. Oh, beautiful. And he's like, yeah, I just heard you on Rogan. I go, so can I get one of these fucking things or what? He's like, yeah. And I never got it. I definitely need to.

I'll give you one. Please. Here? I have one here. I have four of them. I have one here, and I have three at my house. Because he keeps sending me the newest versions of it. But I still use the old version.

Yeah, I just need one. I haven't even set up the, look, the old version's amazing. I'm sure the new version's better, but I haven't even bothered taking it out of the box. I would like to just tighten this shit up here. We'll lose some weight and we'll tighten that shit up. No, it's amazing. I'm sure the new version's better, but I haven't even bothered taking it out of the box. I would like to just tighten this shit up here. We'll lose some weight and we'll tighten that shit up. No, it's already. Listen, I used to look like a fucking nice sandwich. Looked like an Arby's sandwich here before.

Have you used it, the Iron Neck? No, no. You never used it? No, but I could definitely enjoy it. I'm pretty sure I would love to use it. We'll go do it right now. Right when we're done here. I'll take you.

I'll show you. It's real easy to use. Real simple. And it's the best exercise ever for strength. It's the safest for strengthening your neck. Yeah. In boxing, we used to have to lay at the end of the ring with your head hanging off. Oh, okay.

And then lift weights with the weights. Yeah, just that shit. Yeah. And it wasn't even like a thing that was secure. It was like a fucking leather strap belt with some weights hanging off your forehead. You had to be careful it didn't slip off. I have one of those, too, but I don't like it. No, I didn't like it either.

I don't think it's natural to put extra weight on your head and then bend it and put all that pressure on your discs of your neck. The beautiful thing about the Iron Neck is it strengthens your neck without having to bend it in any weird way. You keep your neck totally straight. So your posture is straight like this, and you have the halo that goes on the head, and then the 50-pound bungee cord. So as you back up, you're never doing weird shit like this, which puts that additional pressure on your discs. Right.

It's easy, buddy. I'm looking forward to this. All right. We'll do it. Anything else? Let's wrap this up. What do we want? Anything to talk about?

No, I'm good. Whatever you like. Let everybody know. The Russell Peters show will be premiering. Let me read you what I want to tell you. Did you write some shit down? I wrote some shit down. Did you?

It's a nice watch, by the way. Thank you. You want it? It's very sporty. No, I'm good. Okay, I gave you a watch once before. You did. You gave me a Breitling.

And I wear it every time I do a special. Do you? Yep. That's my good luck watch. Oh, I appreciate that. If you look at Triggered and Strange Times, I'm wearing your watch. Oh, that's awesome. You know, whenever I'm watching UFC, I go, special. Do you? Yep. That's my good luck watch. Oh, I appreciate that. If you look at Triggered and Strange Times, I'm wearing your watch. Oh, that's awesome. You know, whenever I'm watching UFC, I go,

what's he wearing? And I notice you're always wearing like this stainless rollie. I'm like, fuck, that's not my watch. I wear your watch all the time. I know. It makes me happy. It makes me happy, too. I still have the watch you gave me for that. I just had a watch on. You had a watch on. You gave it to me. You on a leather strap. You said it smelled it fucking stinks

Holy shit it fucking stunk It's it's old ass watch with it, but um when you gave me that watch like legitimately I think I think my Comedy Central special from 2014 has that watch on too. That's my good luck watch Oh, that's awesome i wear it for that makes me really happy makes me happy too but uh let's see what do i want uh um different psychedelics blah blah i said i said to my guy i said hey todd i'm doing rogan today i want to talk about the other company and he goes oh that's uh the one i'm working with one of them cco of oh red light holland and i'm like, oh great, and then I go

send me some talking points this fucking guy sends me I'm like, these aren't points, this is a paragraph I don't know, I need something I can look at and get the information real quick that's more than a paragraph, that's many paragraphs it keeps going yeah, that's a lecture, he sent you a TED talk

fucking Todd Shapiro anyway, redlighttuffles.com that's what i can't imagine how the truffles are legal and then the caps are not because it's the root yeah but it's still it's still psilocybin right but for some reason it's the loophole and we're taking advantage of the loop okay i'm all in and we're doing it in a way that it doesn't fuck you up how's that we're taking the right amounts forhole. Okay. I'm all in. And we're doing it in a way that it doesn't fuck you up. How's that? We're taking the right amounts for the microdosing.

Small amounts. Yeah, small for the microdosing. It's microdosing only at this point. Well, a lot of people in San Francisco, before San Francisco imploded, they were all doing the microdosing in tech communities. They were doing it. It was really big in tech. That'd be great, yeah, because you open up your mind, you get some ideas.

Yeah. What does Elon do then? Because he's got some fucking wild out there ideas. Bro, Elon's on another level. He's the next stage of evolution. That's what I think. I think we're all like chimp people and he's like this new thing. Yeah.

And then he named his kid then. Yeah, exactly. I saw a meme that said, Elon Musk's kid will not have birthdays. It'll have updates. Yeah. He's too fucking smart. I don't want to be that smart. That's one of the things that I asked him, too.

I was like, what is it like? He's like, you wouldn't want to be me. He literally said that. I can't imagine him getting sleep. Yeah. I mean, I think ideas are just bouncing off his head like a fucking Super Bowl. Yeah. The inside of his head just bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Yeah. It's like Pong. Yeah. But when you get it stuck between things. Yeah. Rough. Better off being dumb like us. Right?

I mean, you're to me, you are, I don't know if you know this, but to me and a lot of people, I would say almost all of your listeners, you were the guy that a lot of people go to to find out information. Yeah, because I have a good memory. But that's it. You have a good memory and you're non-biased. I try. I try very hard. Yeah.

That's one thing that I've learned from doing this podcast. I've learned how to look at information for what it really is. And I've learned there's zero benefit in not admitting you're wrong and zero benefit in pretending you have information that you don't have. Like if I don't know something, I ask. It's very important. Yeah, you're very good at retaining things. Some things, ask my wife. A lot of shit I don't keep.

I mean, you didn't remember To download Scotty Fox's mix That I sent you But I mean When you told me I was probably high We were at dinner It was you, me The hunter guy

And the black guy Who makes me feel bad About sleeping in Oh Goggins Yeah That's hilarious So is it Cam Haynes And Goggins

Yeah That's right We were in Vegas Yeah That's right It was the four of us That's right That's right And I looked at And Chuck Yeah. That's right. It was the four of us. That's right. That's right.

And I looked at- And Chuck Zito had that crazy jacket with the tassels, the crazy Native American jacket. So he comes over to hug everybody and his tassels are getting in everybody's drinks. He's got gravy on him and stuff. Chuck Zito's such a character. I love Chuck. He's, you know, despite his hard exterior, he's the sweetest guy in the world. Sweet guy.

I could count on him at any time of the day. Yeah, he's quite a character, too. 67 years old. That's amazing. He looks great. Looks great. He had health care a while back, right? Five years ago.

Prostate cancer. Got it removed. Bounced back. Bounced back. Beautiful. He's old school. The old school guys are like, it's about honor and their word. And I appreciate that. I think I'm a little old school in that regard. Yeah. are like you know it's about honor and their word and uh i

appreciate that i think i'm a little old school in that regard yeah i think you are too i would say that yeah yeah all about my word yeah fuck it fuck it russell peter show coming soon when can people plan on it september how do you tell me i'm gonna need you september september let's do it we'll work it out through this month in August. Joe's going to guide me through this. Start doing some dry runs. I'll be guest number one. How about that? That'd be fucking amazing.

Yes! We'll get you high on mushrooms. We'll figure it out. You know, we'll get high on mushrooms and do the first one. That sounds good. Let's do it. That's amazing. Let's do that.

Russell Peters, ladies and gentlemen. Goodbye, America and the rest of the world.