The Joe Rogan Experience - #1507 - Bob Saget

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

Bob Saget is a stand-up comedian, actor, television host and director. His new podcast is "Bob Saget's Here For You" is available now on Spotify.

yeehaw bob saget i am happy i am actually excited to be i'm excited to be anywhere but i'm especially excited to be talking to you i'm excited to be talking to you too thank you and we tested you you're clean buddy i am you're free and clear of the virus i did i usually have like uh trump had someone take his sat i usually have someone take my covet test for me did trump have someone take his sct is that Yeah, it's true. Apparently, but I don't know what's true. Right. What the hell is true anymore?

Well, anything before the internet is hard. And even during the internet, it's hard because they splice things up and edit stuff. Oh, it's all soundbites. You could hate anybody or love anybody. I know. You know what's weird, man, is the deep fake stuff. Like, how long do we have before you don't know what you're seeing? How long do we have before we see a world leader declaring war on us and we don't know if it's real?

Yeah, correct. How long? I'd say now. Probably now. Somebody could do it right now. I mean, I don't know, because North Korea could fire a missile and it wouldn't go anywhere, I don't think. I like how they introduced new players. Like, now you have to be worried about the sister.

Right. Have you noticed that? Like, the evil sister. And she's thin, so you probably think she's mean. She will be. She's going to be very mad. Oh, yeah. She'll be a Karen.

A Karen. Imagine if your fucking kid's named Karen. What a bummer that must be. If you're a nice person named Karen, and then Karen. Well, it's like Corona beer. I mean, I can't believe they had to stop that. That makes me sad. What do you mean?

They stopped the name? That's what I'm told. They stopped making it. Now, I don't know if that's true. That's the source I heard. I still enjoy a Corona. I'm not a fucking child. I like Corona light, but what am I going to do?

And then AIDS candy. That was a smart move. You had to stop that diet candy. Yeah, it makes you lose weight. It's ironically sad. Most people don't even know what we're talking about. It's A-Y-D-S, right? Correct.

That's what it's called? Correct. It was a diet candy, like a chocolate. Yeah. That you would eat. I never took it. I mean, it's like the X-Lax for dieting. Oh, is it like a-

Well, X-Lax actually helps you diet also. But all it does is just get rid of the food that's in your body. It just makes you shit. It's not healthy. No. No, I was somewhere once and I was on Imodium

because I was having a rough day. I don't know what happened. That's another diuretic, right? It's constipator. Yeah. I mean, it solidifies. Appetite suppressant candy. Oh, so it's an appetite suppressant.

So it's not a... No. What is X-lax? X-lax makes you... Yeah, it's a laxant. So it's not a... No. What is Exlax? Exlax makes you... Yeah, it's a laxative. It makes you shit. Diarrhea. Explosive.

Explosively, if you eat the whole box. You could shit yourself to death. You could OD on it. What is barf? What is barf? Barf is... It's detergent, it says. That's funny.

Barf's a detergent? Is that real? Yeah. They didn't discontinue it because people vomit. Did they find out they really did discontinue Corona beer? That sounds so ridiculous. That's what I heard from somebody. It's a classic.

It's a great beer. There was also a candy called Anal Warts that they decided to take off the market. You know, that's the kind of shit that I... I see. Why do I do it? You never went there. You couldn't help yourself. You know what it is?

All those years of Full House. Production of Corona beer halted. See? And I don't understand why it had to be. Because they're fools. They're just chicken shit. I think so. That doesn't make any sense. Nobody gives a fuck.

You're not going to buy Corona beer? It doesn't correlate to me. No, it doesn't. It's not called COVID, by the way. Right. And coronaviruses occur every single year. And now we can't see those ads of cool looking people gorgeously shot at the beach with the lime and the beers right there.

Mark Norman had a funny bit about that. He put it on Instagram. It's almost like they already knew because like they're always someone alone yeah it's one person in an ice bucket with four beers or two people i think i don't think it was because of the name corona i think it was just because of the like lockdown period when people couldn't be at work bro somebody sent me something about mexico holy shit i had no idea there were that many deaths every day in Mexico. There are so many murders right now in Mexico. Yeah. Holy fuck.

It's crazy. This is a bad week for murder. Yeah. Well, it's real bad for Mexico. Mexico, but all over the states, too. It's been crazy. Crazy in New York City. Well, they told cops that, first of all, cops are retiring left and right in New York.

And then they told them they can't restrain people by putting weight on them. They can't put a knee on their back or their neck or any other place, and they can't administer chokeholds. And there's all these jujitsu guys who train cops that are, like Henner Gracie put a video on his Instagram page. He works a lot with cops, Jamie, Henner Gracie, and explaining why this is a terrible idea. You can't control someone any other way, unless you use violence,

unless you hit them with things, or you tase them. They used to be the old nut squeeze back in the day. Well, you can meet somebody. Yeah, so he's a warning to Mayor de Blasio, but de Blasio is a fool, man. He's a warning to Mayor de Blasio. But de Blasio is a fool, man. He's a foolish person.

Well, we have to have order, but we also have to have peace. I don't know how. So we are so fucked up right now. So fucked up. It got so far gone in so many of these precincts and so many of these. Look at this one guy who literally does not know how to grapple and this cop tries to take him down and well do you think there's adrenaline and adderall in a person that that is that i think that cop didn't know what the

fuck he was doing this is the thing these cops don't they they should all be you know um andrew yang said it best he said every cop should be like a purple belt in jiu-jitsu. He's right. Everyone should know, or judo or something. They should know how to wrestle, how to defend themselves. And a lot of cops don't know anything. They literally don't know how to defend themselves. So then they're left with weapons.

There should also be a psychological training as well. I understood. I heard someone speak. I believe it was... Who's our Carl Sagan? Neil deGrasse Tyson? Lovely guy. Is that who you're talking about?

Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yes, thank you. Sorry, I didn't hear the first part. I'm going deaf slowly. Are you? I don't have corona, but the left ear's out. Really? No, I took a day quill.

Did you ever play in a rock band or anything? I have. Really? Well, I can beat. I play guitar. I play guitar. Stamos plays the drums. Yeah, true.

You guys get together? We do. Really? He has a band room. We haven't done it in a while because we can't right now. Yeah, you can. Just get tested. Well, you're not going to get Mike Love from the Beach Boys to take COVID, I don't think.

No, you won't do it. I love that you gave me one. I love that, not you personally, but I love that I had one just now. Well, I think it's important for everybody to know because you can mind fuck yourself and think you have it. I've mind fucked myself a bunch of times. Like, am I short of breath? We've all done it.

We do it at night. It's a panic attack. Yeah. And it could be just, I get allergies. And I've also had walking pneumonia because when I'm on the road over the years, you just are on planes or international stuff. And you go like you're heavy breathing. And then I find out, oh, I just did 10 dates in a row. Then I come back and my doctor says, Bob, you have pneumonia.

Yeah. Road funk. Right. Yeah. And you don't know what the fuck's coming out of the vents on the planes. It's just being next to people that are farting in your face, too. How about that? Literally.

Yeah. Actual shit spray. They freckle you. They walk by when they go to the bathroom. And people don't know what freckling is. I'm not telling you. There's a product called Freckled, and they're taking it off the market. I wonder if people are going to go back to no masks in public.

I think there's going to be a certain number of people that are just going to keep wearing masks. I think you're right. And when I was in Japan, I didn't understand the mask theory, which was not about, I don't think it was about a contagion type thing. It was about cleanliness. It was about the air quality. I think it's also about being polite. The Japanese culture, if you have sniffles or something like that, you don't want to give it to someone else. They're more thoughtful and considerate. Now, that is what we're lacking here. Yes. The people that are yelling, I'm not wearing a mask, you take it and wear my rights.

Did you see that lady in Florida? Yeah. A bar giving away 100 free meals to the people that don't wear masks. Yeah. Florida has the fourth number of coronavirus cases on earth. If Florida was a country, it would have the fourth on Earth. Yes. Well, they opened it up to prove their point

that their Petri dish was impenetrable. Well, they opened it up to Disney World. They did. They opened Disney World. And people love the idea of not waiting in line, so they're willing to die. What is it? Get me a video of Disney World opening day.

I'll find it. I saw this going around on Saturday that there were some influencers that went, because there's a lot of people on YouTube that just go to Disney parks all the time. Yeah, yeah. And they were saying they felt sick, and they just went the next day, and they're like, oh, this is fun, but all of our throats hurt real bad. Oh, my God. I think they all have it.

Unless they were faking. They're probably. Well, there's a lot of. And then there's Splash Mountain. I mean, there's things well there's a lot of views and then there's splash mountain i mean there's things that there's no way droplets don't come out of you and go into the mouth of the person behind you ever see the movie outbreak years ago with dust and hopping yeah so there's an amazing shot in the movie it's a point of view of a phlegm ball and it's literally follows phlegm a guy laughs it's a comedy of course laughs a piece of phlegm

comes out of his mouth. They follow point of view. They do CGI or beginnings of it. And it goes into another person's mouth. And that's how, in a contagion way, that they represented how this thing can travel. And I wear a mask. It was funny when you had Bill Burr on here,

who's a mutual friend. People do not understand that I was goading Bill into going on a rant. I was fucking with him. People wrote it out like I really don't wear it. I have a mask in my fucking pocket. I wear one every day. No, it's funny because everything's out of context. Everything's serious.

But when you're talking to comedians. I'm trying so hard because I'm a newbie at this. I'm on my 33rd episode. You're on the Hebrew calendar. You're 5,748 episodes. You're 10 years of doing something that revolutionized this. So I just started it because I – it was before COVID. I started it because I was doing shows and I'd be in a theater and people would be yelling at each

other. And I would go, guys, what are you doing? Or I'd have a bit about prejudice when I was six years old, when there was profiling, when there was segregated bathrooms. And I started talking about it and people would get angry at me and at the world.

One guy yelled, the South will rise again. This is pre-COVID? Pre-COVID. The guy yelled out, the south will rise again what this is pre-covid pre-covid the guy yelled out the south will rise again my response was sir we're in boston i was at the wilbur he was serious he was 100 serious and then they went and went to tag him and i said no leave leave him be you know unless someone continues i i deal with it we deal with south will rise again. Fucking Boston. They've had a long downtime. You know what I mean?

You lost in 1865, you're going to rise again? The other thing is, they're pulling down statues, right? So the statues are like chocolate Easter eggs, Easter bunnies, the ones that are hollow. So if a statue to me is less than an inch thick of the lining around it and it's hollow inside, I think an inch, it could maybe stay up if it's heavy enough.

But if 10 guys could pull it down with a rope and it's made of aluminum, that's got to come down. That's like a jiffy pop. Here's the thing about these statues. This is one thing that people need to understand. really here's the thing about these statues this is one thing that people need to understand i'm only laughing about it by the way because i'm trying to find humor in what's so chaos it's chaos and it upsets me dismantling of history correct some of it should be dismantled some of those statues should go they really shouldn't be there but they should take them and bring them to some sort of a civil war museum or something like that. But a lot of those statues, look, there's Genghis Khan museums, right?

There's museum pieces on Genghis Khan. He killed 10% of the world's population while he was alive. There's something about those statues, though, that a lot of people don't realize. They were really cheaply made and put up very quickly in response to the civil rights movement. This is what people don't understand. Those aren't like these longstanding homages to these great generals no they were in response to the civil rights movement so they started putting up these Confederate statues you know that's why they're made at they're made

like shit they're made really quickly yeah they're gonna make them I bet we could pie pans yeah but then you go to Grant. Melt some aluminum foil. You go to see Grant's tomb or Grant's statue. I mean, it's made of molten lava. Well, they probably want to take his thing down, too. See, the thing is- They want to take everything down. Trump said something, and everybody thought he was joking.

Like, what's next? They're going to take down Lincoln? They're going to take down George Washington? And everybody's like, get the fuck out of here. They're not going to do that. But they are doing that. They are trying to take down George Washington statues. And people are saying you should get rid of George Washington statues everybody's like, get the fuck out of here. They're not going to do that. But they are doing that. They are trying to take down George Washington statues. And people are saying you should get rid of George Washington statues because George Washington owned slaves and George Washington was a white supremacist.

He didn't want to own slaves. He wanted to abolish it from what I've read and from what I understand. It would be so hard to know. It would be so hard to know other than what he wrote. And, you know, unless you have a fucking time machine. It would be so hard. You're right. We wrote and and you know unless you have a fucking time machine And but it would be so hard. You're right. We don't even know what history is right now. Yeah, right We're being fed. I try to watch all news things or none I try to watch every single channel because I want to see where the world's at

Well, I think that's the worst way to get news is off television I think you get so much nonsense and so much posturing and virtue signaling and so much bias. Like when I watched CNN, I was watching CNN when they were correcting Trump on these things that he says.

And it wasn't even news. It was like this weird opinion piece that was on- It's tabloid. Yeah, it is. It's all tabloid. Fox is tabloid. All MSNBC. Exactly. There's jewels's all tabloid. Fox is tabloid. All MSNBC.

There's jewels in all of it, though. There's reality in all of it because you'll get just the right broadcaster, an actual broadcaster and news journalist. You'll get a couple of people that are that on every one of those networks. Yeah. And then you'll get a guest that feeds the beast rather. It's become like South Park. And it's going to be offensive to some people, what I'm going to say. It'll be like we have here the president of the United States. And it's a split screen. And also a midget.

And then they'll have – because everyone has a voice. And that's an offensive word, by the way. Midget? President of the United States. He's a comedian. No rim shot, please don't hit the button But that's what they would do Or a man in a hoop skirt They would do that on South Park

Constantly and we've kind of Become that, here's a person That has 10 million people looking at them on whatever Site you look at And then someone who has 5,000 people who has a YouTube page that people go to. But it's just to start.

Everybody goes to the news source they want that validates what their opinion is. Yes, or to get angry. You might tune into Fox News just to get angry, or tune into CNN to get angry if you're on the other side. It's a weird time, man. But it's got to come together. I know that's what you're you try to do that i know that that's what i mean stand up is the root of that in a way yeah because you can make fun of ideas that maybe even someone agrees with the idea but if you mock that idea and it's so funny it gets them to laugh they have to think about it

you know like if you like say if you're a pro. How beautiful is that? It's amazing. To be able to do that and how bad do you want to do it right now? Oh yeah, I'd love to do it right now. I need to do it. I had this bit about Trump and I had this guy come up to me and he goes, I'll tell you why that joke's good. He goes, I fucking love Trump and that joke was

hilarious. Like when you can say, when you can make fun of something that someone loves and they still think it's funny. Right. Yeah. Then they have to think. There's a skill to that. I try to do that.

I try to. It's impossible to come up with something that pleases every side and every perspective. But I'm trying. But that's why I end up talking about my dick so much. Because it does lean left. And it's a pleaser. It is a pleaser i might have to say that again sometime it's a pleaser it is a t-shirt you should sell t-shirts

on your website it's a pleaser you just got me some merch ideas that's a good merch idea right there yeah it's it's impossible to make everybody happy. Because here's one thing. Everybody doesn't want to be happy. There's a lot of people that they love being miserable. They like being angry. It's easier to be angry than it is to dig out and wake up positive and go, I'm going to try to write some things today. Not write, I mean, R-I-G-H-T. Make things better in the world by putting out my energy. By trying to, if there could just be a fucking discourse

Yeah, it's just there's also a problem that don't agree But there's also a problem that we have timelines like we have a deadline We have a deadline our deadlines November or the world's gonna fall apart We got to get rid of this motherfucker by November and everybody's clamoring and trying to figure out how to do it and pretending Joe Brydon's brain isn't melting and everyone's running around trying to put together some sort of a good alternative. Well, actually, they got a mic stand, duct tape, and a pipe cleaner. He's going to be fine.

They're going to weekend at Bernie's, him, all the way to the fucking cabinet. He's been doing some good, putting out some stuff that's pretty- Where? Online. He's been giving some- Tweeting? No, just some videos, speeches, things that are a little bit more promising than some of the other... Again, deep fakes.

That's not even him. Is there a guy who does a good Biden impression? I have not heard a good Biden... If we were doing stand-up, there would be a guy who would have... There would be some comic out there... I would think Dana Carvey would be able to do it. He could do anything. Have you had him here?

No, I'd love to, though. I love him. I love him so much. Yeah, he could do it. He is one of the purest, sweetest people I've ever known. He was the, his character of Lorne Michaels was the original Dr. Evil, right? Yes, yes. And Mike Myers sort of. Mike Myers, and they hung out, and it would always be the pinky in the mouth.

And yeah, it was dana is an original dana he's brilliant yeah he's brilliant he's uh we would sit around back in when you were i think you were six but we would go to fabs this uh italian restaurant on uh van eyes and we would be with our wives um fabs fabs he stayed with his wife my wife and i got divorced but i have a new wife uh she's congratulations thank you van, but I have a new wife. Congratulations. Thank you. Van Nuys used to be a hotspot.

I was looking at this video. Yeah. I think it was the LA Times had a photographic essay of Van Nuys Boulevard in the 70s, and it was amazing. It was all these people with bell bottoms and these cool cars, and they used to, on Saturday nights, drive their cars up and down the road. It was fun these people with bell bottoms and these cool cars. And they used to, on Saturday nights, drive their cars up and down the road. It was fun. Yeah, but it was like a place where people would go to cruise.

Yeah. It was boogie nights without the heroin and people getting harmed. Giant prosthetic, Marky Mark prosthetic dicks. So we would sit there and it was right before he got Saturday Night Live what year was this 86 it was one year

before he got that and before I I had been in a Richard Pryor movie that was the first thing of consequence and then what movie was that Critical Condition

you got to work with Pryor I got to spend a month with him and I got to hang out with him because I was one of the hosts at the store for eight years and you got to work with Pryor when Pryor was Pryor well I got to spend a month with him. And I got to hang out with him because I was one of the hosts at the store for eight years. And you got to work with Pryor when Pryor was Pryor. Well, it was after the fire. But it was still.

It was 100% Pryor. Live on a Sunset Strip was after the fire. It was after the fire. That was his best. He did Jojo Dancer. And Critical Condition was directed by Michael Apt. He had a great director who did Coal Miner's Daughter. Made a lot of important movies.

Oh, wow. Did the 7 Up series. Do you ever see that? 7 Up, 14 Up, 21 Up. No. Took seven people through their lives from London and followed them every seven years, did a documentary about them. Oh, wow.

Just a real special, brilliant, lovely man. He was head of the Academy for a while. Anyway, so what happened was, but working with Pryor, we were – you know, when you're doing a movie, we were in a shower stall in an old hospital. And it was supposed to be Rikers Island or whatever the hell that prison is off there. Is it Rikers? Which one? In New York. What's the –

I think that's Rikers, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what it was. It was representing that. But we shot it in High Point, North Carolina with really good actors, Joe Mantegna and Ruben Blades and all these... Randall Tex Cobb, some really cool... No shit.

Cool, weird, eclectic group. And... I just watched him the other day in Raising Arizona. He's a great actor. He's great, man. That movie was wild. That's one of the best. That low point of view shot in the supermarket.

Images in a lot of Coen Brothers movies. They're the best. Come on, man. Fucking shit. I love Brother War. Big Lebowski is my wife. Every day, it's like, let's just watch the Big Lebowski. It's a fucking classic, man. It's the dude floating in space, man. Sorry, I was interrupting you. No. So you're working- Well, that's like, let's just watch the Big Lebowski. It's a fucking classic, man.

It's the dude floating in space, man. Sorry, I was interrupting you. No. So you work in – Well, that's what I do. With Pryor. So we're in a shower stall, and we became friends. We would go to dinner.

I was the guy. I'm always wanting to make things better somehow. I was raised that way by my dad and my mom that tried to make peace for people. That's the thing. And he liked that I would invite him because people didn't invite him to shit because he was kind of unapproachable to some people. Oh, right.

So we would go to dinner and we would laugh and I would make him laugh. We had to do one scene, 40 takes, one shot that was a long, steady cam shot. It had a dead body in it that was covered in water. And I was supposed to say something like, oh, the guy was in the drink. We found him. But it was such a fake-looking body.

And every time I said this serious line, it was this young doctor, Richard just cracked up. And so he's looking in my face, and there's no bigger honor. Look at you. Look at you, baby-faced motherfucker. Fuck, man. How old were you then? 26, 27. Wow. Fuck, man. How old were you then? 26, 27. Wow.

And. Wow. That was a good scene. That's Ruben. Wow. I remember all of this. He and I. So he couldn't.

The fact that he couldn't look in my face and kept laughing. And it was a serious scene. Do you know what an honor that is? Oh, man. That's amazing. So the guy that was an idol. So I'm sitting in the shower with him and he shows me this thing. This is graphic. He shows me the scrubbing brush and one side soft and the other side is just bristles.

And he says, I don't think he'd mind me telling you this. I always think about when you talk about someone that you love that's deceased, would they be okay with what you're saying? about when you talk about someone that you love that's deceased, would they be okay with what you're saying? So it's not TMZ garbage. So he would take the hard scrubbing part, and he said, this is what they took my skin off with. After the fire, they had to scrub my whole body with this shit.

And I just sat there and I remember crying. I think there was the combined empathy and then I told him of like my sister that died and then he was telling me, you know, you just get close with people. And then one night I didn't invite him to dinner because he'd had a hard day and he was mad at me the next day. And I was like, oh my god. So he was enjoying... So I said, but he was in a rough place. He was, you know, he was a complicated human. But I remember saying to him, because when you're acting, you're just, I don't know, I was green.

I said, so you're upset with me. I'm so sorry. This means we're friends, right? Because I upset you, right? And then we went to dinner again. Wow. Because that's like like he's the classic complicated comedian right yeah with the hardest shit drug addiction all the chaos growing up in a

yeah everything yeah he grew up in a brothel yeah i mean that's his headshot on the wall over there yeah yeah i mean he was i think he was 19 and he was doing the button-down Bill Cosby way of doing stand-up. Yeah. But it's still, when you look at, everybody goes, oh, he went and flipped like George Carlin, and all of a sudden he was a different guy. He was still the same guy. You still saw, even though Cosby, I know, was mad at him because he thought he was lifting some of his stuff, but Cosby would get mad at a lot of people. But he's doing fine now.

Well, I think everybody starts out in imitation of the people they really love and respect. Who did you start out? Richard Jenney a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I remember on stage once I caught myself. I had like a year into comedy. I was like, Jesus Christ, like I'm aping his mannerisms.

But I don't see that when I see it. No, I got rid of it. I realized that, you know, you become who you are. But in the beginning, you know, I think it's normal. I mean, it happens with bands. You know, look, Stevie Ray Vaughan was deeply influenced by Jimi Hendrix. It's like, and then he became Stevie Ray Vaughan. Even when he does Voodoo Child.

Like if you listen to Stevie Ray Vaughan's cover of Voodoo Child, it's Stevie Ray Vaughan. It's Voodoo Child, but it's Stevie Ray Vaughan's version. He became his own man. And I think all of us in the beginning got into comedy because we wanted to be some comedian that we really admired. And when I was just starting out, I got a chance to see Rich Jenny a few times. And I remember being baffled by his ability to turn over material. It was stunning. So prolific.

So prolific. You're going to make me cry because I was close with him, as close as you could get because he had such mental health issues. I didn't believe he died. And Dave Coulier instant messaged me. That's not how you want to find that out. So I called his number the next morning. And his girlfriend answered and just said, it's true, Bob. And I went, oh, fuck, because I didn't believe it.

I couldn't believe it. I met him a few times. I saw him live a few times in the early days. And then once, you know, this was like when I was an open miker. I mean, I went to see him live at Catch Rising Star in Cambridge when I was just starting out. And I sat in the front row and he made fun of me. It was great. Because I had seen him on The Tonight Show. The first time I'd ever seen him was on The Tonight Show. And he did a bunch of appearances on The Tonight Show. And then I'd seen one of his TV specials, one of his hour specials. And then I got a chance to see him several times. And I've told this story, forgive me if you heard it on the podcast, folks. But specials one of his hour specials and then I got a chance to see him several

times and I've told the story forgive me if you heard it on the podcast folks but we were at Eastside comedy club and he had just been there and the host was just he I got there like Saturday night after the late show and the host was like he did four different hours he did two different hours Friday night and two different hours Saturday night and murdered. And they were like, Jesus Christ. And this was me. I was like three years in a comedy. And I remember thinking, God damn, that was so impossible to even imagine that someone could be that good.

Then I got this chance to see him a year later at the Comedy Works in Montreal as a part of the festival, the Just for Laughs festival. He was in that little – do you remember? Did you ever work at that place, Jimbo's place? No. No? Oh, my God. I did a show there at the Place des Arts for some broadcasted show that I hosted. Jimbo, the guy who owned the club in Montreal, had this little tiny club that was upstairs.

He had a great bar downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. I did it the night before. guy who owned the club in Montreal had this little tiny club that was upstairs. He had a great bar downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did it the night before. I was there. Yeah. I was there.

That's where you go. Yeah. The night before anything. I did it with Jim Norton and- I did it with Norton. Yeah. And Brewer. Yes.

I did it with Brewer too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun as shit. I was going, what the fuck am I doing? You can't always play gigantic.

Well, you're taking over the world. I like Little Places too, man, though. I love Little Places. But you play spaceships now. I play big places, but I still like Little Places. I admire the fuck out of what you're doing, by the way. I have to tell you that. There's like five people.

Kevin Hart thinks he's two of them. But, you know, comedy's like five people. Kevin Hart thinks he's two of them. But, you know, comedy rock star shit. I subscribe, you know. Well, he's doing it. And you're doing it. And to be on a thing with Chappelle and to be able to do that and to be able to go out there, especially where we're at right now. And this is not I'm not there's no nothing on my nose right now. I'm just telling you the truth from my heart.

It's I do this. I've always done it, but more so now. I'm 64 years old now, even though I look, you know, 63. But what you're able to do, if you can unify people in a room or in a drive-in or at these giant places that you're doing um it is absolutely beautiful and especially now uh whenever you're able to do those dates that are coming up people will never forget it when we come out of this that's very nice i don't know if we're going to be able to i've kind of resigned myself to... I think we will. I'm fine. Listen, like legitimately,

I'm fine working in comedy clubs for the rest of my life. I don't give a fuck. I just like doing stand-up and that's one of the things that I've gotten out of this. You know, I've been doing the last few years

I've been doing arenas and they're great, but so is the OR at the comedy store. Yep. That's great too. I'm fine with that. I don't, I honestly, I just like doing stand-up.

If we can never do arenas again, if no one ever, no rock bands, no UFC ever does an arena again, no football games are ever in a sold-out arena, okay. But you can't do UFC in the OR. Well, they're doing UFC with no crowd. That's true. And it's amazing. I love it. I've called two, yeah, two fights now with no audience.

And I enjoy it, man. It's great. I'm just happy that the fights are happening. And like when I did shows in Houston a couple weeks ago. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Yeah, me, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Brian Moses. We did the Houston Improv. We had a great time. First of all... It's a great

room. It's a great room. I was supposed to go there. I had to not because of what's going on now. Yeah. But you went in. I was like, wow. Brave motherfucker. Well, just fucking we wanted to. We just wanted to. You know, first of all, I missed doing shows, but I miss hanging out with comics on the road. It's fun to you know first of all i missed i miss doing shows but i miss hanging out

with comics on the road it's fun you know and my buddy mike young i we always tour together and it's like i'm with my brother yes it's fun you you and you know and that's that's the big thing is like touring on the road people you love it's the best because like moses is the best i love him and i don't know i love tony he hosts rust battle oh i know he's great and i love my best friends so it's like to be with these guys we were just from the moment we saw each other we'd go to restaurants we do shows it was all smiles and laughs like holy shit we're doing stand-up again this is crazy moses had done the weekend before he did um i forget oh he did american comedy company in san diego he did that place which is apparently was open and now they're

closed again they closed la jolla again too they were doing the la jolla store sorry to hear that well you know they gotta take precautions listen man i was pretty nonchalant about it in terms of not worried. But as more time has gone on in terms of getting sick, my fear is getting somebody else sick. That's number one. Well, that's the key. That's what's fucking lacking. And that's what's lacking from our administration, that there's empathy. We need empathy. Well, we were talking about that earlier.

We were talking about Mary Trump's book. I read some passages out of it today. I haven't read the whole book, but I read this long piece on it about Trump's childhood. Was she close with him when she was young? I don't know, but it's his niece. Her father-in-law was his brother. And you kind of understand.

I mean, if she's being honest and i'm i assume she has first of all it's very well written she's obviously extremely intelligent like very eloquent like the way she's writing it and and i believe she has a background in psychology um and the way she writes it it doesn't it's not like a hateful thing like she's basically explaining why he's so fucked up and why he lacks empathy and what she said was that the father was like a sociopath and the mother was never around and was absent and didn't give him any love or attention and only you and according to her use the children to comfort herself instead of being there for them. And that he developed this narcissistic, self-centered personality in response to that.

And that his father would, you know, would anytime he showed emotions or anytime he showed need, his father would cast that aside and squash that inside of him. That's very clear. Yeah. So he developed this. That's the thing that's most disturbing about him. When I talk to people that are fans of Trump and they say, why aren't you like, what do you least like? I go, what I least look, first of all, I don't understand the economy. So when people say he's good for the economy, he's good for business.

Is that short term? What does that mean? That was pre-COVID. That's all that was. The world's That was pre-COVID. That's all that was. The world's fucked economically post-COVID. He is not the president for where we're at. Right. But the thing that bothers me the most.

He could adjust if he would. But he's not capable. The problem is the lack of empathy. Like when he would make, like when he talked about John McCain, he said, I like soldiers that don't get captured. Remember that? Yeah. That is a crazy thing to say to a guy who's a war hero. I mean, it's funny.

You're laughing at it because you're a comic. Oh, I'm laughing at it because it's ludicrous. It's ludicrous. I mean, I'm not laughing at it. Well, not only that. I mean, it's horrific. This is a guy who deferred. I, unfortunately, will be the first person to laugh at the worst gallows joke.

Of course. You're a comic. Right. And then it'll get misquoted and then I'm an asshole. Right. And you've been misquoted lately terribly. There's no way around that. No.

Especially in this day and age when they could redefine you with something out of context. But the point is that what it shows, the lack of empathy is the last thing we need right now. Well, we need empathy. We need someone who can say something that calms people down and brings us together and inspires us, man. People need inspiration and we need to know and understand that we are all in this together and we can go forth and pretend we're not and keep burning buildings and keep going crazy and screaming in the streets for the heads of politicians

and kill the cops and all that crazy shit. Or take your mask off. That's my fucking right. And fuck you. He never. He wants love. That's the crazy part. He wants to be loved.

He thinks he's Don Rickles. He wants to. When he puts people down and say, punch him in the mouth and stuff, he's trying to be that guy. I've known people like him who are just assholes. Yeah, but Tom Rickles wasn't an asshole. That's why it worked. No, he was like a dad to me. He was a lovely guy.

That's why it worked. When he would shit on you. It's like when guys who are really- It's like the Pope. Right. Exactly. Like, you know, when guys, some guys can shit on you and it's, look, that's the beauty of roast battle. Brian Moses' show.

The beauty of roast battle is these people are shitting on the most embarrassing aspects of each other and they're both laughing at it. And it's great. And that's what Jeff Ross, that's his whole theory is I only roast the ones I love. Yes. Which comes from the old friars and old maskers before that. That's Ross' thing. I mean, he loves those. He, back in the day. and the old maskers before that. And that's Ross's thing. I mean, he loves those. He, back in the day.

The Buddy Hackett and all that. When we were in New York, he would be like, I'm going to the Friars Club. You want to come? I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're going to hang out with a bunch of old dead men? Like, that's how I looked at it. And how much fun did you have? I didn't go.

Oh. But he was, but he was always that guy. So you really didn't want to be with a bunch of old dead men. Listen, man. I, back then in particular, I was crazy. Like this is me at 24, 25. I had just stopped fighting. I was just no longer competing. So I still had like this maniacal mindset.

I was a crazy person. I just wanted to play pool and go stay up all night and were you single then yes i didn't want to hang out a bunch of old dudes right old dudes and listen to some old jokes and listen to them talk about the jackie gleason show like no no gotta go bro the only thing i had one fun experience that jeff took me there for lunch i go there this is maybe 15 years ago i think i was there because I was doing the Jack Black roast, which was at the Hilton. I was the host. I was the whatever you call it.

The emcee? The roast master. Yes. And so Jack was being roasted. It's for charity. And so I go there and I hadn't been in the Friars. And I sit there and I'm just sitting with Jeff. And I get the phone.

There's a phone next to me and the phone rings. They go, Mr. Sagat, the phone's for you. And I pick it up and a man goes, look to your left. And I look to my left and it's an old Jewish guy with orange hair. And he goes, fuck you. I went, what? Who was it? Red Skelton?

I don't know. He looked like Red Buttons. I don't know. And I go, what? Who was it? Red Skelton? I don't know. To this day? He looked like Red Buttons. I don't know. And I go, what? Do I know you? He goes, fuck you. Welcome to the Friars. And he hung up.

That's hilarious. And that, to me, was kind of cool. It's probably a COVID Petri dish now. I don't think so. Those guys don't make it long enough. Yeah. I think the Friars Club is gone. Yeah.

I would have loved, like now as a person who like appreciates the history of comedy, I kind of wish I went to one of those things just to see what it was like to hang out with those guys.

I got to meet Red Skelton once. That was pretty cool. That's really nice. That was at an NBC event back when I was, I think I was on Fear Factor. But it was, it was cool to meet him.

Did you enjoy that show? Fear Factor? Yeah. I enjoyed the money. That's all I enjoyed. I enjoyed the people I worked with. They were fun people. What year was that?

When did you start? 2001 to 2006. I enjoyed some of it. I enjoyed when nice people won. I enjoyed helping people overcome like this a situation where they're really nervous and i could coach them and talk them through because it brought me back like i used to i used to teach martial arts and i used to coach a lot of kids in particular i bring them to tournaments and i would i would train them and then you know like these 14 15

year old kids i take them to tournaments and they'd be fucking panicking and i would would talk them through it. And I would say, you're going to get through this. And you're going to be a better person because you got through this. Cause it's so scary when you get through something so scary, you become stronger. And this is something you just have to go through. And if you just shy away from this, you'll shy away from this your whole life, but you can get through this. Other people have done it and you can do it too And I took a lot of that over to fear factor and that's what I what I loved is those moments Where you would see someone overcome and then they would be so happy and I'd be so happy to I cried a bunch of times That's why you're so good on it. I Was doing the video show and there were things I was like, well, this is my personality

And other times i go okay these are people are flying in they're being flown in to la they made a video of their kid reciting all the presidents when he was two right uh they're all there and then i go and what are you going to do with the ten thousand dollars and the father, I'm going to make a down payment on our first house. And the guy's like 50 years old. And I'm like, I'm glad I got this job right now. That's when I go. It was worth to see all those people get hit in the nuts for no reason.

Yeah. That's like there's moments in these competition shows where you really do feel like the world like the world got a little lighter like people got elevated when you see someone win you know we see people win things we see people i love watching people do better i love watch them overcome i love watching them like go through some difficult thing and figure it out and get through it. And the feeling of relief and of just watching the adulation and everybody's cheering and they're like, yes, I did it. And the surprise. And yet the producers know they've got something special, but will it deliver?

Howie Mandel's a dear friend forever. And he's on America's Got Talent. So here's a show that i always was against competition shows i wouldn't go on star search when i was broke i just didn't believe in comedians competing against things yeah and then did you ever go on any of those competition things no no i didn't so i'm watching america's got talent and they have a handicapped person come out who sings just like a you've never heard anyone sing so good and then you see the true joy in the people it's not just showbiz bullshit selling something and that's that feeling

that's that you came from something that you never it's a dream fulfilled and it's about the human spirit the human spirit yeah that's real i mean it's not people it's so fun to be cynical for some people and the shit on that But some of my favorite I used to be more cynical and shit It's easy to be especially as a comic when you're struggling when you're making your way through The you know, we joke about the worst things where you know, a lot of us are bitter I'm sure of us are jealous not bitter, but I do joke about things. I can't do it. I know. I need two minutes to tee up some horrible joke and then three minutes to get the fuck out of what I just did.

And that's going to continue because I can't not say stuff. It is a part of being a person who is a stand-up comedian. You know that there's a thing you're not supposed to say and you're going to say it. And if you do say it, you know I'm going to laugh. And you're going to say it and I'm going to laugh. We're going to go, you motherfucker. I to say and you're gonna say it and if you do say you know i'm gonna laugh and you're gonna say it and i'm gonna laugh we're gonna go you motherfucker i can't believe you said that when do i've asked us of many comedian friends and people when do you think i mean is it is it the teenager in us is it that guy that's being told don't do this um is it or did you lock in at 16 do you feel i kind of feel sometimes i locked it at nine because that was the world hadn't

fallen apart for me i didn't see what fuck how fucked up everything was i mean you could go deep psychologically with it but i think at the end of the day we enjoy first of all when comedians are around comedians is when that shit's the worst right that's when the most gallows humor oh i try to outwurst everybody just because and that's how i made friends well that's when the most gallows humor oh i try to out worst everybody just because and that's how i made friends well that's when you take those things out of context in quotes that's when you're going to get the most in trouble people don't they it's there it's gonna for a non-comic to understand some of the horrible shit we'll say at canter's deli at two o'clock in the morning and be laughing like dying falling under the table.

And all we're trying to do is make each other laugh. It's not we're horrible, mean people secretly hoping everybody gets cancer. That's not what we're doing. We're saying inappropriate things because it's fun to do because I know you're a good guy and I know you don't mean it. That's the only way it works. It's letting air out of the pressure cooker. It's stating, that's why people go, how could you do that?

It's too soon. You don't do that joke. Sometimes you don't do that joke. Do you know Brian Holtzman? Vaguely, yes. Brian Holtzman is a legend for doing material way too soon that only makes comics laugh, but he'll do it on stage. Do you remember Susan Smith? She's a lady who drowned her children.

Yeah. And at first she said someone stole the car or something like that. And then it turned out Brian Holtzman's on stage the week that happens. And he goes, I heard those were bad kids. He goes, I heard they sat that close to the TV. They never put away their blocks. They spilt their milk. Those kids will not be missed.

And people are like, oh, my God. It's the whole they had it coming thing. We were fucking crying. We couldn't believe and you know people would say oh these horrible comedians they love this shock and they're just mean and they just want mean comedy it's not even that it's hard to explain to a person that's outside of the business but to to me like like if I'm around Jeff Ross and something like that happens

I expect that he's going to turn to me and say something fucked up he wants to be the first person to say it and I go Jeff no but I'm saying no with love yes of course Kenison I actually I'm going to date myself

I don't have to now because I'm married that's the kind of jokes I shouldn't do. No, that's the ones I, but I know as I'm saying them, but I still say them. You can't help it. It's a dad joke thing. Yeah. Bill Burr said to me, he was a guest on my Nubile podcast. And Bill said to me, you know what your act is, Saget?

He said, your act is all the lines you couldn't say on full house and you just say fuck all around it that's what your act is and i went what what do you say and then he pummeled me for 20 minutes and i fucking loved it and then i attacked him for like 10 minutes but he is he's one of the best people he's one of my favorite people he's one of my favorite people on the earth he went to my wedding to wind him love to wind him up. Oh, fuck. I had nine stories to start, but that's why I'm so happy to be doing this. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. I haven't talked to anybody. I know.

You've been stuck, right? Well, I had a Zoom last night, the night before, with Norman Lear and a bunch of musician friends. Oh, wow. And we talk about the world. And we talk about what the fuck are we gonna do and and it's just uh interesting it's it's and we used to we would do it in person we'd all sing songs for four or five hours into the night and have different friends show up stamos

came john mayer came dave coz always comes to it and it'd be music you you play right no i thought you were a musician no No, zero musical talent. But you love. I love music. Love it. Yeah, but one of the things I love about music is I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to, I mean, I love it. I can just enjoy it.

You should start a band, though. Just for the fuck of it. People that know nothing? Yeah. Yeah. Just get, like, three people that can't play. No. I'm a bit too busy.

But I do love music. I love it. One of the things I love about it is the fact that I have no skin in the game. It's like I love comedy, but I do it. So when I see someone make a great bit, part of me is like, God, I wish I wrote that. Right. You know what I mean? I don't get jealous, but I go like, fuck.

Yeah. Or I'll see it and go, wait wait i did that 20 years ago well there's always that right there's always parallel thinking but the other thing that gets me is like if i see someone really kill i want to go home and write it's like i get inspired to create whereas music just makes me happy like if i like i've had like my friends honey honey come in here and play and gary clark jr's been in here. And Everlast has played in here. I have a bunch of people play music in here. And there's something about watching someone do something that you have zero talent in.

It's really special. Well, I think comics really do. We want to be musicians. We worship music people. Some, yeah, some. I mean, yes, not all of them, obviously. Yeah, I never had any desire to be a musician at all, zero. Bill Burr plays the drums like a son of a bitch.

Well, I was going to say something about him. I finally did something that actually stayed on topic, I think. He came to my wedding, and then he had to go do a gig. And he does the gig, and his wife stayed. And he comes back in a different outfit like a pink jacket he left my wedding and is such a good friend he came back again because he was so happy for me because who the fuck else would want me than uh my wife um and he's just um i was there in philly at the at the in camden at the tweeter center it was called when we were on the Opie and Anthony virus tour.

So it was Tracy Morgan, myself, Louis C.K. Is that the one where Dom Herrera got heckled and he went on and he literally attacked the crowd? It made Bill Burr a legend. That was when Bill, I was standing there. He roasted Philadelphia. I was standing there. That was when Bill, I was standing there. He roasted Philadelphia. I was standing there.

I was under the fucking monitor right through the curtain that I was going to come out. I had the sweet spot. You know, Bob will do like 25 minutes in the middle because I'm, yeah, I was just a bitch. So then they put me there and it was a sweet spot because you take a lot of bullets coming up with a Philly audience, you know, and a Jersey audience. lot of bullets coming up with a Philly audience, you know, and a Jersey audience. And Bill, I'd known him, but I'd known him through clubs, but he got out there and they were booing him. And he's so fucking awesome. The way he's made that whole fucking Boston brilliance. And he just started to pummel them back and said the worst things you can say, every inappropriate thing you could possibly say, calling, talking about their cheesesteaks and the Sixers and just, you know, the thing you saw. Yeah, I've seen it.

And I watched it and I'm like, this is fucking great. Fuck you and fuck the Liberty Bell. Exactly. It's 15 minutes he did it. And at the end, the boos were as loud as the cheers. I think he got a standing ovation. He didn't see it. He comes off stage like a fighter.

He's all sweaty. Did you see that? It was fucking horrible. What the fuck was that? I went, Bill, that was great. Are you kidding? That was fucking amazing. No, he killed.

He killed. And then he still didn't believe me. And then I said, you're going to remember this. You don't know what just happened here. If there's a tape of this, this is going to change. You don't even know. And I bring it up to him, and he's like, he doesn't want to talk about it. But it was a defining moment for his everything.

Yeah, no, he's that guy that can just take a moment and rant on things. He knows how to rant better than anybody I know in terms of in the moment, pick things apart. That's what his podcast is. One of the brilliant things about his podcast, he does it two times a week, and it's just him. It's just him ranting, which is crazy that he's got that sort of muscle that he can just rant on things by himself. Just starts reading things and getting pissed off about this. You know what? Here's what the fucking problem is.

And then he just goes off. And what's amazing is he knows what you know, what I know, that he's not alone. He's talking all of it. He's ranting to people that love him. He knows they not alone. He's talking to all of it. He's ranting to people that love him. He knows they love him. He's comfortable. And he loves people. He's one of the sweetest.

He's a great guy. He's a great guy, but I love winding him up. He does something that Chappelle does that I find them both so brave that they know where their A point is and they know where their end game is. That's really well phrased. But it's like they dive into it. They make a statement.

Then they dive into a pool with no water in it, you know, metaphorically. And then they know where their exit is. They know it. And the exit comes out strong. It's amazing. Yeah. They know it. And the music comes out strong.

It's amazing. Yeah. And sometimes it's not quite as close, but then they still know how to fluff the final. Well, they both know how to take a subject. And I mean, it's one of the cool things about being at the store is you get to see the beginnings of those bits that a guy like Chappelle or Burr or anybody will start out and then flesh it through and figure it out and then tighten it up. And then by the time they're filming a special, it's a weapon.

I got to go there more. I was starting to come there more. In fact, you were nice enough to bring me up. Yeah, it's close. I meant come there more. A lot of people in the back of that story. I got stories. I bet you do.

Disease stories? No, people are fucking there. Kennison. I got Kennison his first spot at the store. You got him his first spot? Yeah. Like you were there the first time he went on stage? Yeah.

What year is this? Fuck, long time. I didn't have a gig. 83, 84. I don't know. Well, that's crazy because 86, he was famous. Yeah. What happened was this.

So he'd already been teed up for Mitzi to watch, but I had set up, I told her to watch him. I met him in Houston, and he was kicked out of the comedy workshop in Houston because of the shit he would say on stage. Because he had been running his tent show of faith healing with his brother Bill, and they told me some real fucked up stories about shit they would do. It was a bit charlatan and a bit trying to help people, but also talking about Jesus quite a bit. And he was cynical about it, but very confused very conflicted about it about what what is it because uh and is dying on on the ground supposedly he looked up at the sky and

was talking to god that's what bill tells us when i met him carl lebeau says carl lebeau was there carl was there yeah car Carl was there when it happened. That's a whole complicated non-story right now. It's a heavy story. It sparks my, it's very fucking heavy. Yeah, their story is very heavy. I was around. Yeah.

I was around for all of it. I was there in the building for those six, seven years. So what happened was when I met him, you would have had the same response. He goes, they won't let me work here. I met him at the comedy workshop. Meet me at one in the afternoon. He shows me, he posted, he shows me this telephone pole, and he had put a picture of himself on it, and he kept putting up, they kept taking down. He was in the Houston Chronicle, on the front page of the Arts and Entertainment. And he dressed himself, because they banned him from the club, in a diaper and a crown of thorns and blood coming from the crown of thorns down his face with his eyes rolled back in his head and said that he had been persecuted just like Jesus from playing the comedy workshop. But it's pretty fucking heavy you know and he had made it quite a name for himself

and had a following there i don't know what to do man i want to come out to la and i went well well i'll help you out um i was playing the laugh stop in houston in river oaks yeah i used to work that place. I liked it. I did. A guy named Howard. Who was the owner then? I'm trying to remember. Anyway. This is our first dead air. It was great. Yeah, I'm trying to remember.

What happened was Sam, I sat next to Mitzi in her booth. He got on stage and he did the whole bit before he had done the young comedian show that I was on, that Rodney did, Rodney's first young comedian show. And it was the whole thing about, you know, the kid in the, whenever they do those World Vision commercials with a starving kid. You know, it's famous, most famous, one of the most famous things that any comedian's done, which was just a truism. Yeah. Which is the cameraman can give them a sandwich, starving kid. Go get out of the desert. Go to where the food is.

That's a bit that I used in a conversation with a guy. It was a weird conversation. There was a guy who wrote a book on comedy. He was teaching a comedy course at a university. And he was sitting here talking to me. And he said that the best comedy always punches up. Because there was a time when people really believed that nonsense. Like that there was a formula to comedy,

and that comedy should always attack the large power structures, and that the small people should be elevated by comedy. So he's sitting here telling me this. I go, that's nonsense. I go, one of the greatest bits of all time is literally about starving children. Yeah. There's no further down that you can punch. One of his other great bits was about dead people getting fucked in the ass.

You remember that? Yeah. The bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who would pay money to be with the freshest male corpse. Those are two bits where you're punching down as low as you can. Someone's dad died and this guy's fucking them. I mean, it doesn't get any, there's no further you can punch down. He was on stage in the main room and he was doing a bit where he says, this is what happened to my marriage.

And he would unplug the mic. It's my dick. You know what I mean? He did not need a mic to prove the point. But he would lay on the ground with his girth. And he would pretend he was having sex with his wife from behind. And he goes, this is what happened to my marriage. And he says, I'm trying to fuck her.

And she's like, we got to fix the fence. And he goes, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to fuck you. It needs a new coat of paint. But we can't, you know, you can't do that now, really. I mean, you could if you were Sam. He could do it again. He could do it.

If he was alive now, he could do it. First of all, he was uniquely qualified for that kind of comedy because he was short and he was fat and he was going bald and he wore a beret. And the long coat. Yeah, yeah. And he was hanging out with all the rock and roll and porn people. And the coat, he came on stage like he was a child molester or something. Yeah.

I mean, that was, look at that. Look at that picture. That's him and Bill Hicks. I love Bill. Wow. That's a crazy picture. Bill was the sweetest, most timid guy. Does Bill have his nails done there? He's got nail polish on. Wow. That's a crazy picture. Bill was the sweetest, most timid guy. Does Bill have his nails done there?

He's got nail polish on. What's going on with his tips? Oh, it's the shadows. But that was... Sam was a sweetie then. So when you see him then, I mean, when you go on stage, that was part of why it worked. You know? It wasn't like, you know, if he was John Mulaney and he had that act, you know, handsome and slim that, you know, hard to pull off.

Right. You had to be you had to look like you got fucked over. He looked like he got fucked over. And he did. And he did. And he did. And he was doing faith healing shows. And they told me a story where he had been.

I wasn't going to tell it, but it's fucking weird. So they're healing people. So they're in some God forsaken place, I don't know where. And he goes, come up here and we're gonna heal you. And like a seven foot tall guy with drawstring pants and a t-shirt, he said he was like Lenny from Mice and Men. He was mentally impaired. He said he was going to come up,

and he was going to do the whole thing with him and get out the spirit and all that. And as this guy's coming up, he runs up to the stage, and he's so tall, he hits his head on a beam, and he splits his head open, but he doesn't fall down. Bill, his brother, will tell you this story head open but he doesn't fall down bill his brother will tell you this story and the guy's pants fall down and he had the biggest dick in the world and so his head is gushing blood and his dick is swinging and he's going like young frankenstein um peter

boyle and it's horrifically upsetting and the way i it's been told to me, I don't know if these stories whisper down the lane, is that they went back to the same place after a while. The guy came back, and he had some other mishap. I don't want to say he hit his head again, but he fell. The same guy just trying to have a redo to get healed. I mean, I don't know what's more embarrassing. He was the same guy just trying to have a redo to get healed. Oh, God. I mean, I don't know what's more embarrassing. Well, if your head gets split open, but the whole room can see you've got a giant cock,

maybe it's a blessing and a curse. I don't know. There's probably a few gals that hit him up after that. But drawstring pants means there's not a lot of cleanliness down in the junk. Well, you could wash them up. If you're a gal looking for a big dick, like, there it is. Or a guy looking for a big dick.

Or maybe a guy you can trick into fucking you. That would be the move. You could play like you do with a bat in baseball. Just dab him for that. See who gets the first at bat? It's the top. Make that sound again. I can't do it. I don't know. And I's the top. It's that. It's that. Make that sound again. I can't do.

I can't. I don't know. And I can't roll my R's either. You can't? The answer to Kennison how quick he popped was after that set, like a week later, Rodney came in to see him. And I'd known Rodney. Rodney liked me.

I like you, man. I met him in La Jolla. He came up to me. You're funny, man. You're a Jew. You're never going to be happy. You got a fast mind. You're all fucked up, man.

You're never going to be happy. And he was trying to clean up You're all fucked up, man. You're never going to be happy. And he was trying to clean up at La Costa. And he comes in. He goes, I can't do it, man. No booze, no coke, no pot, no pills. I can't do it. And he's with two women. And I hung out with him all weekend.

He kept coming to the condo and hung out with me. And Kennison, he saw Sam. And I love this guy. So I do the Young Comedian special on HBO. I had a great set right before Sam. I had a 15-minute set. Sam had a 15-minute set. I was in it for three and a half minutes.

Sam was in it for 15 minutes. Because it was monumental. He was an inferno. And then a year later, he was in back to school. Yeah. So that's why it was a three-year deal with him. That's crazy. And he was a sweetheart.

When I was 19, I worked as a security guard at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts in Mansfield, Massachusetts. Right. And Rodney was there. And he was backstage. And I was like, I didn't get a chance to meet him. But I was backstage. It was like a hallway.

It's hard to know if this is a real memory because when you're 19, your brain is mush. And it was so long ago and I got hit in the head a lot. But I remember they were talking about how he didn't have any pants on. No, never. And he had a bathrobe. Yeah, balls out. I remember him pacing back and forth and looking down the hallway. I know I definitely saw him at least once, and I definitely saw him on stage with the

bathrobe on. But I remember looking down the hallway, seeing this guy. I'm like, how crazy? He doesn't have any pants on. He's going to go on stage. Like, this is what. And then him up there just didn't give a fuck. I mean, didn't give, had no fucks to give.

He was a movie star. He was becoming, at 58, by the way it was caddyshack that's how long it took him when i saw him and apparently smoked a shitload of pot backstage and went on stage my wife and just just murdered i mean one punchline after another punchline and people don't know the story about him quit doing comedy for years and became an aluminum siding salesman. He was born Jacob Cohen, changed it to Jack Roy, and then a club owner called him Rodney Dangerfield. That's how he was named by a club owner. Wow. What club?

I don't know. I don't know. But he had a rough go. He had his rough go. The no respect thing was if you're going pick a brand a catchphrase it wasn't a catchphrase it was his mantra yeah well that that that made him you know i got no respect i'll tell you no respect at all i fucking loved him he would have loved he would have loved you like loved you because of the fuck he always said and I've said this before, so I'm sorry if anybody has heard me say this, but he always said the key, man, is you just go like a tank, like a tank, because nobody wants you to make it.

Everybody's trying to stop you. You just go like a tank. Fuck them all. Just go like a tank. Because he had come up. It took him so long to get anywhere. And he would go on Tonight Show. And if you look at any of these clips that they're running all over the internet it's fucking killer and carson's hitting the desk and it's just

it's real special well he was a special guy the story was special too because it showed that you know he was trying to make it and it fell apart and then he took a long didn't he take like 10 years off it was aluminum siding was many years yeah and then he took a long, didn't he take like 10 years off? It was, Illuminative Siding was the years off. Many years. Yeah. And then he came back and became the biggest fucking movie star in the world. But he couldn't, it took him to 58 and they put him in Caddyshack and a lot of the jokes were his.

Yeah. And then a lot of them, I mean, it was, you know, Harold Ramis and stuff. So it was the 18th. Genius movie, man. Those movies were so good. Fucking Bill Murray in that. Chevy was great in it. Everybody's great in that movie.

Remember when he's in the classroom and Kinnison's teaching him? Oh, yeah. Kinnison played a fucking off-tilt Vietnam vet who was screaming. He just rode him into it, too. I was there! That's a great movie back to school. Oh, it's a fucking great movie, man. And Easy Money was really great.

Yeah. Oh, he had some classics, man. Caddyshack. He had some classics. He was awesome. I officiated his funeral. Oh, man. It was pretty intense to put him uh away i was with him in in the uh emergence and the uh sorry i got a little

in the uh intensive care he was in a coma so i'd go in and talk how old was he when he passed 84 it's amazing he did all that coke and he made it to 84 he stopped doing coke he just liked pot but he did a lot of coke when did he stop i think about 10 years before he died still amazing 74 years old doing coke when i got another 10 years i'll tell you what i can't how do you stop no booze no coke no pot no pills yeah i want to go back to something you were talking about it's completely off comedy topic because but we'll come back to it i don't know it's your show i don't know what to do uh there's no structure here trump trump's niece the book i cut you off one passage

the it was just about empathy you know it's just about why what's wrong with him psychologically you know and um when you whenever you see someone that seeks power like that seeks seeks that kind of uh ad, that kind of spotlight. What is causing that? What is that? What makes someone want to be that person? Is it like, you're fired? You don't see any love out of them, any sweetness.

I think as a nation, at this time, we need someone who has got a real message, not some bullshit canned speech that's prepared by a focus group where they figured out all the right beats to hit. But they're not even doing the right beats. I mean, the Mount Rushmore speech could have had five, six minutes in it that could have added some people to it. Well, he's not that guy. Obama was that guy. Obama, if Obama was stuck in this situation, I really, truly believe he could have given a speech that made us all feel like we're going to be okay. 100%. 100%.

He was an incredibly good cheerleader. He was. And empowering. He was also, like, you knew his story. His, uh, he was also like, you knew his story. His story is the opposite of Trump's story. Trump's story is he comes from a rich father, you know,

the father gives him money, starts his businesses. He's known for being kind of shady and, you know, Obama's the opposite. It comes from a single mom, grows up in Hawaii, you know,

is, uh, it's just different. You like know that he he's gone through some shit to to get there and had compassion yeah we need that we need someone who sees that we're hurting you know that this nation is fucking hurting man you see what we're talking about earlier with the cops and all these murders that are happening in New York City. And Chicago's got record murders. Oh, it's horrific. It's crazy.

Yesterday was horrific. Every day is. And there's no real hope in sight in terms of the economy because everything's getting more locked down. Like today, what got passed down today in california they went back to almost stage one they shut down all the gyms what do they shut down yeah my yoga teacher's been trying to get me to go to yoga i'm like isn't that like a hot room i do it you can do it on uh online i do it at home bro cal. California closed to indoor restaurants, movie theaters, and bars statewide as coronavirus cases rise. So did it say gyms as well?

Hair salons, barbershops, fitness centers, worship services. Oh, my God. Worship services. So that's churches and synagogues? Yep, everything. Well, when they suppress it it works in countries well here's the thing though they keep saying but it's okay to protest you can't but then they're saying that i then you hear and i don't know where i hear it it might be left uh

information uh that a lot of protesters were protected didn't get sick is what I'm hearing. I can't believe that. Does that make any sense? Doesn't make any sense. They don't want to say that these incredibly significant historical protests have created an uptick in the virus that will likely lead to deaths. They don't want to say that. But both those things are true. Those protests are very important.

They're important and they're moving the needle yeah and the life is going to change so that is uh a positive for people that have been neglected for so long but it's all at once it's like some fucking supreme weird litmus on the whole every whole universe it's like and i's like, it's a sci-fi. I don't think it's over. I think we're going to get hit with a couple more wacky moments. Yeah, whether a meteor, that's not far. Or a solar flare that takes out the power grid. We just don't want to lose our Wi-Fi.

That's all that we care about. All the Wi-Fi is first. I thought this was germ warfare, is what I thought this was. I didn't think this was. And wet markets are open again, is what I'm hearing. Well, it's not from the wet market. That's what I want to know. Talk to me.

All indications seem to point to the fact that this was a virus that had been manipulated. I had Brett Weinstein on my podcast. He's a biologist. And he, in terms that I will not be able to recreate, explained all the different factors that when they examined the virus would not be very likely to have happened in nature and certainly not as quickly as they had. That all these different aspects of the virus point to the fact that it had been something that had been manipulated. The fact that there was a level four lab in Wuhan.

This is not, you know, people love to use the term conspiracy theory, but this level four lab where they studied coronaviruses that come from bats is there. It's in Wuhan. And that same lab had been, two years ago, had been in trouble for violating safety protocols. Look, China's, it's not America. It's not the same. And they do things differently over there. They're completely intertwined with their government.

They can get away with things that we can't get away with here. And they don't have as strict a protocol when it comes to handling diseases. Well, you know, the word on the street is often that it's wealthy people wanting to have their endangered species fix. That's what you hear. What do you mean? That the wet market bat is like a delicacy, and that's how it got spread. I have not heard that. I don't know if that's true.

I don't know where I heard it. I would imagine it would be more like people are starving, and they need to eat whatever they can eat, and they eat bats. See, I always pictured it laid out like lobsters at the farmer's market. That's what I was picturing. That would probably be safer. It's not what happened. I don't believe that's what I was picturing. That would probably be safer. It's not what happened. I don't believe that's what happened.

And Brett Weinstein is very careful in not saying that this is definitely what happened. But he points to all the factors that lead to this very likely conclusion that this is something that accidentally got out of a lab. There's a reason why it's so contagious, that it spreads so easily, that it takes on so many different forms and has so many different reactions It's so many different people. It's almost like we're dealing with a bunch of different diseases anytime you mate humanity with an animal There's a serious problem. I'm not talking sexually Although I've seen a couple goats in my life that kind of had a twinkle you you had a smile Why are were doing that because you knew you shouldn't have did it,

and you did it anyway. I couldn't help it. I mean, I'm just saying. You knew it wasn't even going to work out well. You know, it didn't work out well at all. No, but you're enjoying that. But the other thing is, for the kids out there listening,

don't fuck animals. No, don't fuck animals. Is that okay to put that out there? But what if the animal really wants you to fuck it? That's what I was saying. A goat with a gleam in his eye. This is where I double down on not working. What about a small animal?

No, that's mean. Fuck something that can kill you. If you're going to have the balls, fuck a bear. Like an elephant? Like a bear. Fuck. Fuck a large predator. Yeah, don't fuck something that you're the bully.

Hold that rabbit down and fuck him. Don't do that. So it's the revenant. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck a large predator. Yeah, don't fuck something that you're the bully. Hold that rabbit down and fuck him. Don't do that. So it's the revenant. I mean. Yes. What he did was get inside a bear, literally. Not sort of. Yeah, eventually.

Right. Took a while. Right. Yeah. I think this is going to be. This is how I deal with how horrible this is. I go to a place that's fucking asinine. And that's what my dad would do.

Just stupid. Just stupid because I know that China is completely fucked up with this. And they're apparently out of control. And they don't know how to stop what's happening is what I'm hearing also. Well, it's doing better than we're doing. China's, they've got it way more under control than we do. How do we know that though? I don't know. We don't, you know, they lie about everything. The other thing about what's weird is like, why, why did it go so badly here?

If you look at the UK, the UK is basically our restaurants are open again. New Zealand has zero viruses now. They're back to normal to normal i mean they're not letting anybody in but they're they're literally back to a no virus situation it's like the resistance of the united states is down because so many not the resistance but the our immune system is down because there's so much hatred there's so much fucking weird shit i wonder what would have happened i mean it's really crazy that you know they you know that expression the wings of a There's so much fucking weird shit. I wonder what would have happened. I mean, it's really crazy that, you know, that expression, the wings of a butterfly could become a hurricane. Yeah.

But what would have happened if that George Floyd thing didn't happen? If that day did not go down that way? If it was just a normal day? If maybe George Floyd just hopped in the patrol car, you know, or maybe didn't give them that counterfeit $20 bill, never got arrested. What the fuck would we be looking at? It's kind of amazing when you really... No, it's a change of history in one moment. In an instant, and in an incident between two people, between one cop and one man, and

then the world sees it because one girl, 17-year-old girl, filmed it. She puts it up. The whole world sees the horror of that guy leaning on that man's neck with his knee. And other people standing by. And then the world explodes or our country explodes. But imagine, where would we be? It would be really interesting to see two different timelines. You know, see a timeline where that never happens?

I think it was bound to happen anyway. We've been, I mean... But that was so egregious. It was so heinous. Oh, that's the point. That led to this explosion. Whereas if there was nothing like that, I mean, because the guy who got shot by those vigilantes was just a couple of weeks before that. Remember in Georgia?

I do. If this George Floyd thing, that was like teeing the ball up, you know, and then this George Floyd thing happens and boom, the powder keg blows. I think the enough is enough moment happened. And everybody's holed up in quarantine. And everybody can't pay their rent. And nobody can do anything but watch all this bullshit of all this racism. And all of our bureaucrats spewing a bunch of lies and garbage at everybody. My favorite part of it was the black and white video the actors made to try to fix it.

Oh, my god. I will no longer stand by. What are you talking about? Imagine? The Imagine video also? That was the beginning of the coronavirus. This was after that. These actors hadn't worked in months and they desperately needed attention so they all got together and made that

stupid fucking video. Do you see what Jim Norton said about the Imagine video? No, what'd he say he say he said when i saw that video i got all choked up because i tried to hang myself it was so embarrassing well you know there's something great about people that have a heart for it that are well known whether it be acting or sports or whatever, music, that people are, that look up to those people. But it's saturated when it's just people doing it because they're getting publicity out of it.

That's all they're doing. That's why they're doing it. They're doing it because this might be an opportunity to let other people know that they're awesome. That's what they're doing. And that's their fake way of pretending they have a heart. It just doesn't. Look, do you know?

I mean. There has to be some heart in there somewhere. Of course. Of course. It's not like they're evil. But that's narcissism. There's a certain amount of narcissism in there that's foul. It smells bad.

It's like when you open up some leftovers. You're like, oh, I can't eat this. that's foul it smells bad it's like when you know you open up some leftovers like oh i can't eat this that's what it is it's got a smell that's a hundred percent right yeah it's it's the smell of narcissism the smell of ego the smell of the preposterous idea that you're going to sing your way out of people dying and that's what we're living right now that's what we're listening to right now but when i see jared Kushner, and I'm sure he's a delightful guy. I bet he's not. No, I was being totally facetious. Me too.

I hope. Oh, great. I think he's awesome. Oh, I love him. Pinky swear. BFF. But what it is about him, he really looks like central casting to play the Nazi in a movie. He so looks like he's going to have that collar on and be so good.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But apparently he's running the whole show. I don't know. That's crazy. I don't believe. I don't know.

What the fuck? I don't know what to believe anywhere. I just want some. Where are we going to get truth? Where are we ever going to get it? Weren't they mad that he was the one saying that the coronavirus was going to be nothing? Yes, he was one of the many, like the bullfrogs in there, and Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham. They all look like something out of Dr. Doolittle.

Imagine you're the president, and you're like, what's going to happen here? Hey, let me go ask that guy who's married to my daughter. He seems pretty smart. He's married to my daughter. He seems pretty smart. He's married to my daughter. My daughter. I hired him. My daughter, girlfriend, wife, wannabe. Imagine that, too.

Imagine that he hires his family. Well, that's a monarch. I mean, that's a dictatorship and a monarch. But it's just the only people probably feel that he can trust. But that's because he wants love. And I think they do love him. They must love him. And I've known people that know him, I'm sure you do too,

that have said, I worked with him, he was horrible, and I've also talked to people that hung out with him, he was great. Yeah, I've talked to people that know him that really like him. Yeah, I've heard that too, and then it's a performance. The moment it happens, it's a performance. Well, Ross told me that. Ross told me that he had a good time with them when they were roasting them and he Ross told me that he was telling them like listen when they're making fun of you. You gotta laugh Like if you think Ross just likes that he liked him

Maybe you're right, buddy. Yeah, maybe. That's a good point. It's a real good point. It's just a sad time and we have to punch through it. That's why I love- The problem also is the nature of this business is that the way politicians are taken apart, their past is taken apart. Things are taken out of context.

They make these attack pieces. They look into their apart. Things are taken out of context. They make these attack pieces. They look into their finances. They look into their past relationships. They try to find every fucking little piece of something that might indicate there's a character flaw. Nobody wants to go through that. So no person who's really like a person that you'd want to be president wants to be president. There's like a few of them.

Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard. There's a few that I looked at and I few of them. Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard. There's a few that I looked at and I said, like Tulsi Gabbard, she's young. I could see her running this country. I really could. And I think she would do an amazing job at it. I think she's a genuinely good person and a real leader. And I think Bernie has some interesting ideas and I would love to see what would happen if we went with some of those ideas, particularly like fixing inner cities, man, doing something to fix these crime ridden, drug addled, gang infested communities that have been stuck like that for decades and decades.

Drug infested, parentless infested. parentless infesteds. I mean, that's one thing that hopefully goodness will come from, is that they will send people to help with mental illness and drug rehabilitation and guidance. And if that can happen, how does that happen? How do you send people into the depths of Chicago, where a lot of the pandemic of that kind of lack of love and pain. It has to be done locally and it has to be done in each individual place by someone who understands the community. It has to be done locally in each individual city. Each individual city has unique problems.

I don't think you could use Baltimore's solution on Detroit. I think you have to have your own solution for each individual place based on people that actually understand how it got to where it is and what could be done. And mayors and their regime need to be heroes. They need to be people. And the other thing is you were saying, you know, you get looked into every single scrap of your life comes up. You did something wrong. You dated someone wrong. You paid someone.

You did something. You did drugs sometime. I think that should be right there when you come out of the gate when you're up for you give it give just give the schematic on the person just in i want to run for uh president here's all the shit i did here's my fucking tax evasion. I didn't know she was 19. I didn't know that her mom was my girlfriend. Shit like that. I never put my finger in that dog. That picture is photoshopped.

You couldn't help yourself. I don't know. I mean, that's how diseases start. That's not how they start. You put your finger in a dog's butt. No, you just get sick. You don't no you just get sick you don't get a disease maybe you don't get sick I think half the people

out there could give a fuck you know people out in the mountains looking at their sister you know in that way I had a this is the kind of person I was when I was 21

so Jay Leno's at the store on my first night in stand up Letterman brings me up. That's how my old man stories. Wow. So this is my first night. Mitzi said, you got to quit.

I was going to USC. What year are we talking here? 78. Wow. Mitzi said, I was going to go to USC film school. I got into their grad program because I'd won a student Oscar for a documentary I made about my nephew having his face reconstructed. I was going to go serious filmmaking. And that's what I wanted. And I was also a stand-up since I

was 17. So Mitzi said, now don't go there. Work here. You work here. You're good. I'll put you in. You work here. And you won't get paid, but work here. I went, okay. because that night when i moved to la and i quit grad school like the day i quit usc grad school i went there for three days um i i went up at the store letterman brought me up the lineup was leno michael keaton uh billy crystal um uh jeff altman argus uh prior went Bristol, Jeff Altman, Argus, Pryor went up later in the evening. It was on one fucking night. That's insane. And you're part of the reason that place came back. You and a bunch of the people that came in, you brought it back.

I mean, it was not long ago. That place was gone. Yeah, it wasn't looking good. No. It wasn't looking good. No, you did that. That's the empowerment. That takes a strong thing to go, wait, this place is history, and I like these rooms.

I need to do comedy. I want to know, what was your decision-making process, and how did you find, because you were already on your way to wherever you wanted to make your playground. Well, I was gone for seven years. I was gone from 2007 to 2014. And that was that Carlos Mencia incident that I had at the store. I got banned. And not even by Mitzi. I got banned by the former

management and there's just some weird shit going on behind the scenes. And they had negotiated something. Where were you working out before then? I was at the store. Oh, there's a store from 94 to 2007. I moved to LA in 94. And, uh, the first thing I did is go to the store. That was Mecca. When I was in Boston and I was an open miker, I had heard about the store. That was Mecca. When I was in Boston and I was an open mic-er, I had heard about the store. In 1988, I started. And that was when Sam Kinison was huge. And I literally started comedy dreaming. That's right when I left.

So I missed you. I missed you. 94. Right. Well, I always wanted to ask you what it was like. Because when you did Full House, you basically had to stop doing stand-up. Because you were on this squeaky clean. I still did it.

You still did it? Yeah, and I started to morph, and I started to get really fucked up on stage. Fucked up how? Fucked up on, I would go, okay, that's what I'm doing during the day. I would go, okay, that's what I'm doing during the day. And here's, I know when you did news radio, they wanted you not to do stand-up as much. Is that kind of?

No, not really. No, the only thing that ever happened on news radio is one of the producers said, why are you still doing a comedy? You're an actor now. Like it was as if it was a great thing. And I was horrified. I was like, what? Yeah.

Ugh. Like what, I'm going to stop doing stand-up for this? That's because they don't understand. They think a lot of people used and use stand-up to get a show, to get a writing gig, to get something. And I'm like, I can't stop being one. I am one. Yeah.

It's part of my hard drive. Well, it was the most fun, too. Like, they were asking me to do this thing that I was basically, like, I'd never taken any acting classes. I'd just gotten a development deal from MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. Right. And they said, do you want to be on a sitcom? I'm like, oh, okay. And so they made me, like, get an acting coach.

I took a few classes, but it was really annoying. And then next thing you know, I'm out here in L.A. on a sitcom. And so when they said, like, why are you doing stand-up? You're an actor now. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Right. You've never killed. I'm like, you're saying this because you never killed.

They also didn't believe in hyphenates at that point. You can't do three things. You can't do four things. I'm sorry. You can only do one thing. That was also when I started working for the UFC. And when I started working for the UFC, they were acting like I was doing porn. They're like, what are you

doing? And I was like, yeah, I'm going to Alabama to do post-fight interviews for a cage fighting event. And they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? That's because you're a fucking original. They don't know what that is. Well, it was just no one had done it before. Right. There was no comedian slash

cage fighting commentators. Find me another one ever. But it was just one of those things where I was like, I don't care. I'm going to do this because I want to do this. And they were like, you really shouldn't do this. This is probably bad for your career. I'm like, whatever. I don't even know what that means.

I'm just going to do what I like to do. Tell me again where you had left off about the Mencia thing with the Carlin. So he had made some sort of sneaky backdoor deal with the store to have them ban me. And he would put his name on the marquee, which he never would do before. Like he would do spots. They would just show up and bump people. That was his thing. He liked to just show up.

And he didn't let them put his name on the marquee and sell tickets with his name because he would do big venues around town. This was around the mind of Mencia days. He was a big star. He was selling Mencia days. He was a big star. He was selling out large theaters. He was doing really well. And I wasn't doing as well with stand-up. I was on Fear Factor, and I was doing pretty good with comedy, but I was mostly doing clubs.

He was more advanced career-wise, if I'm being honest. And so when they said that to me that I was banned and I knew it was wrong I'm like I know I go you guys are you you sell art you sell art this is what you sell like you this you have an art store it's just the it's a spoken art and you are you're basically taking the side of someone who's stealing a vampire you give a vampire of all the other performers Not just a vampire But someone would who if you were going on stage he would go on before you and do your closing bit and then bring you Up there was a lot of dark shit going on people were scared

They had lights they would flick in the back of the room when he was there To let you know if you were on stage guys would just stop doing their act I wasn't there for any of that. was not good it was not good it was it was accentuated by his celebrity when he became famous it got way worse but it always existed he was always a thief and so i i said okay um i'm not coming back i'm gonna let you know like you think this is gonna be like a two-week deal or something like this, you can go fuck yourself. I'm not coming back. So just make this decision. Understand, this is not

a temporary thing. Were you going to ban me for a little while? And I'm going back and forth with the manager. Don't tell me Mitzi said. Because I was on the phone with Mitzi an hour ago, before this. And I told Mitzi what was going on. I told Mitzi that we were going to make this video about him stealing material. Because it was a horrible situation there. And I told herzi what was going on. I told Mitzi that we were going to make this video about him stealing material

because it was a horrible situation there. And I told her, I'm like, I go, you know, this is just what it is. She goes, all right, just keep away from him. She goes, when do you want to go up? And I go, when do you want to put me up? She goes, all right, how about 1030? I go, perfect, I love you.

She goes, I love you too. It's the last time I talked to her. Last time I talked to her. And then they call me an hour later and say I'm banned. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I just got off the phone with Mitzi. I go, who's running the fucking store? You're running the store?

You, you're running the store. I work for you? Get the fuck out of here. And so I got furious and I just started working the improv and I did the ice house. And I just said, okay, this is what I do now. I don't work at the store anymore and the store I put the store's phone number on my my blog and told everybody the whole story and I'm like feel free to call them and let them know how you feel and it was a ghost town there for years it became so what yeah it did I crashed that place years yeah so what brought you back

Ari Shaffir was doing his comedy special he was filming and and Adam Egett you know Adam I'd known Adam I like Adam I love Adam and he was uh he's he'd been on the podcast before too um I've seen him Adam was uh at the Tempe Improv years before that and I became friends with him when I worked there and then he came over and started being the talent coordinator at the store and then he came to visit me at the improv. He said, we'd love to have you at the store. He's like, Tommy doesn't work there anymore. He's gone.

It was the manager that I had the issue with. Right. And Mincy had long been just, he had long been outcast from the comedy community. Like that video and the subsequent, all these other comedians coming out and telling stories about him, everything fell apart. And this is what I told them was going to happen. I was like, this is not going to go away. This is real.

This is not like, people make mistakes. They accidentally do someone's bit because they forget it was someone's bit. Or you do come up with the same thing. Yeah, there's a lot. But there's good people and then there's people that are victimizing people and he was one of those that was victimizing people and the worst i've ever seen and so this had happened and i knew when adam came to visit me at the improv i knew um well i knew adam was a good guy and i'd thought about it but i was like i can't i'm not i can't

i can't go back there and And then Ari was doing his special. And Ari was filming his special in the OR. And Ari was one of my best friends. And I had been friends with Ari from the time that he was a doorman. And I was like, he had gone through this journey of being a doorman to, I started taking him on the road with me. So I'd take him on the road and we would do all these gigs together and now here he is he's got his own television show and he's doing a

fucking Comedy Central special and he's filming it at the store I'm like I gotta be there so I came there on Tuesday night he was filming on Wednesday I came out on Tuesday night and I was there for roast battle and Jeff Ross introduced me to the crowd, and I got to see Roast Battle, and it was wild. Roast Battle was wild. It was so beautiful. It was creative, and it was fun, and it was packed. I was there one night being a judge. Jeff brought me and said, Bob, you've got to come down.

You don't know. You don't know. It was so cool. Yeah, it's wonderful. If it comes back, it still is so cool. It'll come back. And then the next night I came back and I saw Ari. I watched Ari film a special.

And then I said, okay, I'm going to start doing shows. And so I think a couple days later I did my first show back there. And that was it. Then you were there. You were playing almost every night of the week, right? I was there a lot. Until the lockdown, I was there many days a week. I'm going to come back and do it right and sign up, put my name on the thing.

I do drop-ins, but they're five minutes. No, you don't want to drop in. I don't. I want to do sets. When I was doing the drop-in, I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go up and be part of a lineup. Is it competitive do people take your stuff do people no there's none of that there now there's none of that that's that was my

you know I have PTSD from eight years right and I had a love affair with Mitzi I was like a nephew to her so I was kind of like family even at her funeral I was like family um even though i hadn't been around but there was one time in vegas where uh i had a weird experience and i was trying to keep somebody sober and i had to stay up all night to keep them sober so that she didn't find out and as a result i hadn't slept and i had a weak set in vegas at thees. And then after the set, she came backstage and said, you've lost it. You're not funny anymore. Oh, no.

And that was like, you don't say that to a sensitive Jew, comic, neurotic motherfucker. She didn't give a fuck, though, dude. She had zero filter. No. And you know what happened? It hurt me. And it's just like you in martial arts to the kids.

It's like, well, I better get fucking funny. Yeah. I better get funny again. You can't have an excuse. No, there ain't no excuses. Yeah. And I just worked harder and harder. And now, I mean, I want to do – I might do some drive-ins.

I don't know what I'm going to do. But I'm enjoying the podcast thing because I get to and I call people and talk to them and that's an interplay with people you get to fuck around a little and I have some guests that you've had that I love

people that are friends but the point is I'm born this I'm born to do this you're born to do this and she taught me something and she loved me and i loved her but she got really sick so i i you know it was really tragic some people hated her and some people loved her all the way to the end i loved her i know she helped me

yeah she helped me helped me too man if it wasn't for her when i became a paid regular that was like the most important day of my life at that moment like i was like holy shit i'm a real comedian i'm a paid regular i didn't know what that meant i showed up one night and then they put on the website bob saget paid regular and i i wrote to the emailed uh i don't know I texted somebody whoever did the thing I went you don't have to call me a paid regular I mean you know you can just say I showed up can't you he goes no no you don't understand

it's an honor I'm like but I don't take the pay I never take the pay I'm a paid regular I don't but I didn't realize it is a rite of passage like a badge of honor it is it was something special it was something important when that happened I was like oh my god because like i said when i started out in 88 uh the comedy store was mecca that was the place like i wanted to be there that was where richard pryor performed

that was where kinnison performed that's where hicks performed i wanted to go there and when i was there i was actually there it was a dark time man i was there in 94 it was a shithole oh it was fucking i went in when it was over i went in it was empty i mean you know 20 p it was socially distanced well it was a there was a bad perfect for now a bad run for about six years where it wasn't very good from 94 to around 2000 and somewhere around 2000 started picking up again that paulauly really step in and Peter? Peter did a lot, right? Well, it was just better talent started coming around. Right.

That's all it was. It's like there was a lot of guys who would, I think there was a wake. This is my own personal theory, and I'm only basing it on the timeline of Kennison's death. Kennison left the comedy store somewhere around like 90, and then he died somewhere around like 90. And then he died somewhere around like 92, somewhere around there in 93. And then the, you know, so many guys had

gone off and done sitcoms and like Jim Carrey had gone off and done movies and in living color. And there wasn't, there wasn't that many people there and then there was also a lot of really bad talent there was a lot of guys that's it bodax that is a fact there are people that could have been accountants and instead chose comedy as a career and they learned how to walk the stage yes and they learned how to hold the mic and they learned how to talk to the audience right they're like a plumber they learn a trade it's not and they weren't even good at it they're the plumber you don't want the plumber that's going to blow your toilet up like a plumber. They learn to trade. And they weren't even good at it. They're the plumber you don't want. The plumber that's going to blow your toilet up.

Yeah. The plumber puts the wrong gasket and it runs. So I saw a lot of those guys. And it was really disappointing. I was like, one of my first nights there, I remember, there was like 15, 20 people in the audience. The acts were terrible. I was like, this is so weird. This is the comedy store?

This is awful. I stayed away because it made me sad but then every now and then like Martin Lawrence would show up every now and then Damon Wayans would show up every now and then Dom Herrera would show up every now and then someone would show up I showed up

I wasn't there when you were there that sucks I didn't see you there for many many years but that's why I was asking about the full house days was it hard that's why i was asking about like the full house days was it hard oh that's interesting because it'll bring because you were you had a dirty act but it wasn't as blue until after and full house and the video show were simultaneous and they were family you know seven o'clock at night on a sunday i'm hosting videos i can't say here's another fucking video you know

you can't do that right and i didn't say fuck that much in fact few years ago dice called me He goes sag it. I gotta tell you something we gotta see each other But also you know what man you stole my shit after you after full house ended you stole my I said What did I steal well you didn't you say fuck as much? I stole fuck was he joking? much I stole fuck was he joking kind of but not really but then he wanted the tour with me so it was kind of like CJ dice is always a half pranking you I love him he's always half fucking with you I started going on the road because of dice I was just doing the store and this is when I was on news radio and one

day he were in the back and we will say you should go on the road and I'm like yeah he goes yeah you're funny he goes road and i'm like yeah and he goes yeah you're funny he goes you don't want to be fucking beholding these cocksuckers he goes these motherfuckers and these movies and their shows he goes he goes you go on the road we make good living when i was thinking about i was like why don't i go on the road so i just started booking gigs i literally just listened to him because first of all you know i'm 27 years old i can't believe dice is talking to me right and i'm like to Dice. Like, and then he tells me to go on the road. I was like, he's right. Why don't I go on the road? So I started doing gigs here and there, you know? And then when I really started going on the road, like, well, really was when I left the store. That 2007 time when I left the store,'s when i started touring that's when i really started touring because i was kind of angry too i was like you know i put all that time into that place and

and i was i thought what we were doing like that mencia thing i thought that was we're doing the right thing i thought that was a real problem and so when that was the reaction was like okay i'm gonna show you motherfuckers i had this this attitude like i'm gonna show you and then i did my best work after that there's nothing wrong with that yeah that was my best work was after that because i was you know my best my first real big special was 2009 which is two years after that and then um you know and i don't have any hate for that dude. And I hope he gets better. I hope he's doing great. I really do.

I think he has learned his lesson. I hope he has. I hope people forgive him, too. I think that's a problem. You know, I think... Many people have had it, you know. Some real famous people have had it. No, I don't even mean that.

Yeah, many people have had that. Like Robin, right? A lot of have had it. No, I don't even mean that. Yeah, many people have had that, like Robin, right? You know, a lot of people had that. And his loss is so, and his talent is so gigantic that he was just a vacuum cleaner of stuff. Robin. Yeah. And I loved him beyond. Yeah, he was.

He was so. He was a different thing, right? Yeah, he's from every hundred years a Robin Williams comes in. This is what, you brought up what was going on doing those family shows and then doing stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Richard Jenny comes into play here. This is kind of an interesting thing that you brought him up because he hits me in the solar plexus. I did a special while the two shows were in the top 10, Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos.

Those are long names to say. They sound like I'm saying porn when I say the names of the shows. Really? That's like dirty to me. Full House. Oh, that's so filthy, Bob. But I love doing family entertainment. That's my many different sides.

I love doing stuff the whole family can watch together. I don't look at that and go, oh, fuck that. That's bullshit. You know, that's not the cynical guy that can come out and be blue for the sake of blue. I wasn't blue for the sake of blue. I just did what I did. You know, just like you did what you did, you know, your UFC stuff. It's like I wasn't doing anything athletic, but to I did an HBO special and it did well, but in the ratings or whatever, but it was not good. And I made it so you can't see it. And Richard Jenney loved it. And he would say to me, I loved that special. And I was I was saying fucking it, but it was like an hour long and it took a half an hour. It was about me being in a dream, trying to missing my gig. So I was trying to make a film

because I wanted to be a filmmaker. And then the next half hour was basically a half hour standup. And I just didn't do any of it right. You know? And, but there were a couple of really funny moments and a couple of good bits. And Richard told me he thought it was one of the funniest specials and most inventive that he'd ever seen. And I was always thrown by that. And I started to get more like, well, what do I want to do in stand up? And I was like, I just want to make people laugh. I just want to. And then when the shows ended, I started directing some stuff.

And then I did a special called That Ain't Right. And that was the HBO special that upset a lot of people and also put me in Rolling Stone and Newsweek and all these things. That was because it was dirty. It upset people. I said fuck a lot because I was at. But subject matter as well, no? Yeah, a little bit. I used fuck as a because I was at NYC. But subject matter as well, no? Yeah, a little bit. I used fuck as a verb a few times.

I don't, you know, if it's expressive. Right, but it was your huge, I mean, it upset people because that's what you had always been doing, but they didn't expect that out of you because they wanted full house and America's Funniest Home Videos. But who would go to see that? What am I going to do, hug people and clean? Well, they wanted that sort of Howie Mandel Videos. But who would go to see that? What am I going to do? Hug people and clean? Well, they wanted that sort of Howie Mandel thing. But Howie's blue.

He is blue sometimes, but not anymore. No, he's still... But he doesn't stand up. I saw him at the Laugh Factory. He was actually talking about the dangers of doing a bit that could get him fired from the show. Oh. He actually talked about that on stage, that if he says anything wrong... I mean, he's on the squeakiest of squeaky

family entertainment you know he went from deal or no deal to this other thing he's doing now what is it America's Got Talent or yeah I've been talking to him a lot he's a great guy he's a great guy and he's had a lot of mental health issues that he talked about in a book and his OCD

is just the outskirts of it how bad is it now with the fucking coronavirus? He's holding on. A germaphobe to have the whole world- Rightfully so, by the way. Somebody wrote that down, the whole world is Howie Mandel now. Yeah, I said something like he's a prophet. I forget who it was. I forget who wrote, maybe it was Gaffigan. Someone said that like that.

Someone had a quote like that. I love Jim. He's great. But anyway, so I don't know why people think that you're like a character you play in something. Well, because you played that character- For a long time. For so long. And this was pre-social media.

This was pre-podcast. They just associated- Look, Bill Cosby,by okay for the longest time people thought bill cosby but i got it out on stage bill always was offended that i talked blue on stage because he said you don't need it and when i would see him i would almost hear like he's saying motherfucker in between what what did bill cosby think about kinnison i want to know that i would have loved to seen that i'm sure he just he just disapproved anything uh blue but the truth is look what he acted out in his real life i would just do it that is why yeah that's the boys club that he was in my boys club or i hate

to say that because it's so misogynistic but it was a guy that looks like i know what i look like i look like your dentist your accountant or somebody maybe your gynecologist But it was a guy that looks like, I know what I look like. I look like your dentist, your accountant, or somebody, maybe your gynecologist if it's a good week, but not yours. But I'll continue, I swear. I just had a moment of doing like 10 of those that go nowhere. But the truth of it is, for me to say that is the joke. me to and that gets nowhere also so i have to have content and the more specials i did and the more i've done stand-up like i was about to shoot a new one this year i've got like an hour and a half of stuff of course everybody's going to have 12 minutes of covid but i don't know what it's going to be but it was really i was about to talk about

racial injustice ready to go because i've got all this stuff when I was a kid and segregation. And I was living it and didn't understand it when I was six, seven years old in Virginia. So it was like I started to have much more intent in what I want to do right now and make people laugh. I got to throw a dick joke in just to make myself happy. Well, stand-up comedy is supposed to be here's the world through my eyes. Whenever some other comic comes along and tells you not to do your version of reality, they can go eat shit. And usually there's something wrong with them.

And that's obviously the case with Bill Cosby. There's something wrong with him. A hundred percent. His need to have everyone deliver this G-rated comedy was you know he was he had some dark dark shit going on the back of his head and i fucking looked up to him so much when i was young i'd watch him on i spy with robert culp and it was this you probably didn't watch it back because i'm older he was so great and then you know he he got his doctorate after just two years they gave him a free one at temple i went to temple university also but i

graduated and i i didn't uh you know tranquilize people and ejaculate congratulations thank you for the non-ejaculation clause but he um you know you can't preach and then be full of shit it's like that's what he got away with for his whole life though i think that's how he like covered his tracks like nobody would believe it who raped you bill cosby oh go on there's no way that's what they would think i know i guarantee you that was part of what was the hustle was it's like a priest like if if no one knew that priests raped kids, and then you came home and said, Mom, the priest raped me,

your mom would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? They're the Boy Scouts. Look, I mean, there's a fucking ad right now. Yeah. I can't believe there's an ad. I'm glad there's an ad. What do you mean there's an ad?

It's a commercial. If you've been sexually molested by a Scoutmaster. Yeah. Yeah. So all this shit, that's the cleaning that seems to be happening that's positive. That people are getting called on stuff that's been going on for thousands of years. And in this country for hundreds of years. And terrible, terrible, terrible shit.

So that's a good calling out. That's a good, I mean. Well, this calling out is one way to look at it. But what's really happening is the lines between reality, like truth, information, and people. Like how accessible is truth? It's their way, there's way less distance to travel to find out reality than they used to be. And we we're remapping our version of the world because of that. And, you know, this is what we're seeing with everything, with police brutality.

So we're seeing with taxes is what we're seeing with with government and the environment and, you know, climate change and fill in the blank. And, you know, climate change and fill in the blank. Every single problem in the world. The pandemic is just a giant fucking representation of all of it. Well, it's a wake up call to all of us that there has been way less funding and planning and strategy to deal with pandemic viruses than should have ever been put in place. Bill Gates warned us about this in 2015. I don't know. A lot of people think Bill Gates is the devil now for some reason. Have you been paying attention to that?

Yeah. They think Bill Gates is like trying to depopulate the world or some shit. I don't know. I don't know whether to get off Facebook, TikTok. I don't know. Get off all of them. There's a guy when they were trying to keep Huntington Beach or Long Beach open. No, it wasn't Long Beach. Was it Huntington Beach? It was Huntington Beach. It's a Republican when they were trying to keep Huntington Beach or Long Beach open. No, it wasn't Long Beach.

Was it Huntington Beach? It was Huntington Beach. It's a Republican area, right? So they had all these people in the street. We're not going to wear a mask. We're not going to stay inside. It was the early days of the pandemic. Right.

And this guy is going, you know, do not wear a mask. Do not give in. Bill Gates is the devil. He's got a fucking bullhorn. He was yelling. This is like pre- george floyd all that shit and i remember that to me topped off the madness of that particular moment like bill gates the devil the guy who made microsoft the guy who wears sweaters yeah bill gates is the devil like

but it's a funny soundbite it was crazy to to listen to. But so many people do believe that. We're all over the fucking place. People are all over. And it's like one side's over here so liberal that I'm not allowed to say anything. I'm talking about just how, not as a narcissist, but as a human artist, how it affects me, how it affects you. And then everybody's over here so far right. It's fundamentalist on both sides. over here is so far right. It's fundamentalist on both sides.

Can't we just cut off the little hands on each side and just have just a – or can't everybody have a – there has to be a dream discourse. It's not going to happen. This is how change happens. You have to have polars. You have to have polar opposites. Yes. This is just a natural – It's like fundamentalism.

And it is. It's the same thing you see on the left as you see on the right. Their ideology varies. But what their goal is is the same. Their goal is compliance. They want you to listen. They want to have power and control. And then there's people that are fairly reasonable that can see other people's perspectives that lean towards the middle.

Those are the healthy people. But these people that want you to use 78 different gender pronouns and they only want to give money to- I can't keep up. I make so many mistakes. It's not mistakes, man. It's not mistakes. Well, I did a thing in Austin, which we both love, and I did a thing for the Alley Coalition. And it's for the LG- I always fuck it up.

It's LGBTQ, but Q is questioning or queer. It's LGBTQ. But Q is questioning or queer. It changes. Yeah. It's questioning now? Or queer. At that moment, it was. And then A now. You know A's in there, too?

What is that? Asexual. They got thrown in the mix. I'm fine with that. I'm not. I did a joke at that. They're a gang. I did it for them because they're a wonderful organization that helps a lot of people. And I loved it. And I was with Jay Pharoah, who I loved being with,

and a bunch of people, a bunch of comedians were on the thing. And I was, I guess, the headliner of the thing that they brought in. This gorgeous structure. I don't know if you've seen it. It looks like the inside of a Mac store, but it's outdoors in Austin. It's like a monolithic-looking cool thing. And so I made a joke, something about LGB. I did all the letters, and then I said, that's my record locator on my flight. And that got an awful quiet response. And I didn't understand it because I'm with them, but I'm not making fun of them. I'm part of them.

Maybe the joke just wasn't that good. I think so from your response. It's possible, too. You're carrying it around in your head. But then I did a song about transitioning that I'd written for the event. Transitioning what? To a female? From a male to a female and me having a relationship because I do comedy music in a purist way because I love writing songs and singing.

And I've always done that in my stand up. I started as a musical act that we would all ridicule. And I had to pull before I got to the end of it because it was just it got quieter and I heard crickets and I felt so bad because I was doing it as saying- Hold on, hold on, stop, stop. Does that do well in clubs, that bit? Yeah, it was killing. I did it on a special. But you're doing it at an LBGTQA positive event?

That's because I'm a fucking moron. And I care about people more, I care about all human beings. I don't have a racist bone in my... I don't understand anything. I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking... What? I heard your dick's racist.

My dick is so... Don't. Thank you. Thank you. You saved me. I understand that you... My dick spits at racism. But you know that that's not a comedy...

Look, I don't do any sort of benefit. And the reason why... I just donate money. I don't do benefits. Because it's not a good place for comedy. But my sister died of scleroderma and I do... But donate money. No, but would you do a tape for my viral event in October? I wouldn't do... Three minutes on tape? I wouldn't do acrobatics.

She died, Joe. She died. Listen to me. I wouldn't do acrobatics in a died, Joe. She died. Listen to me. I wouldn't do acrobatics in a benefit to help people with spina bifida. No, no. Spina bifida is hilarious, by the way.

I don't know if you've had it. No. Or people that are crippled. Okay? Right. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're doing comedy in an event

where people are talking about a serious issue that maybe they've been maligned and misgendered and just fucking disenfranchised their whole life. And then you're on stage telling a questionable joke that wasn't your best joke. And then a song about transitioning. And you're wondering why they're not laughing. It's not funny to them. Because it's not a comedy show.

You're doing comedy at a thing. Why weren't you in my life sooner? I don't know. Will you manage me? No. I'll be here for advice, though, if you want to call me up. Here's the thing.

The thing that I do, I'm part of the Scleroderma Research Foundation because my sister died of this disease. What is this disease? It's a hardening of the skin. Sclero means hardening and derma means skin. And a lot of people have it. Different people. A lot of people. A lot of people. And proportionately hits people of African descent,

not unlike coronavirus. It hits the lungs. Queen Latifah's mother passed away from it. I know other people who've had it. And I lost my sister and my dear friend. And the first person to ever do the benefit was Robin Williams. And he did it seven times afterward. And we've raised $53 million. And we're curing people. That's amazing.

People are getting into remission. What do they do for the cure? Like, how do they get to remission? There's new therapies. My sister was mistreated and guinea pigged. They gave her cortisone and prednisone which drives you fucking nuts and um they just tested stuff and the the rheumatologist that did it to her is no longer alive and and i mean how do you sue somebody that didn't know what he was doing but now there's centers at johns hopkins and

at ucsf and stanford and they are really new drugs, like really great ones. So it's always been a comedy benefit. And there are people, there are patients there. And I've always had – everybody's done it. Chappelle did it for me in L.A. at the Beverly Wilshire. And I had – it was wonderful. I think it was John Mayer got up on stage. And I think it was Ray Romano.

And I'm wondering if it was Gaffigan. I've had almost every comedian do it, but Chappelle made me put on the invite, and Dave Chappelle might come. Dave Chappelle says he might come, and he flew himself out, and he did the damn thing, and he couldn't do material because we didn't lock up phones, And he did a half hour of being the beautiful person that he is. That's awesome. And so all I was saying was Robin did it seven fucking times. So here's my question. So Richard Jenney, Patrice, Brody, you know, all these people, Sam, Chris Farley, wasn't a stand up. But why do really, truly funny people have to die?

Shouldn't there be some kind of universal law? Mitch Hedberg. Throw him in that mix. Mitch Hedberg. Bill Hicks. Well, you know, people die, bro. It's part of life. I know.

It's temporary. But the love. When you say Robinin williams to somebody anybody they get emotional yeah because he he could have never done stand-up and just acted in movies when 9-11 happened um you know about 9-11 right yeah okay uh can't do that you can't do that joke it's not a joke it's just me being an ass thanks for thanks for sitting through this with me um i nearly i haven't had my shrink in a while you go to a shrink no you're smart as fuck so anyway sensory deprivation tank oh do you yeah that's cool yeah you get alone with your thoughts for real. I've done it. Have you?

Yeah. I got one here. You do? Yeah. And it's all salt and you get it in? You play music? No. To tones of any kind?

No. Just your thoughts? Just my thoughts. I just do breathing exercises. I know that you know the readings of Terrence McKenna because I was a mushroom boy back in the day. I'm good friends with his brother. No shit? Yeah, his brother Dennis is amazing. Holy crap.

Yeah. Yeah, I was going to see him. I had a 420 show in Vancouver. He lives in BC now. He's a expat. He bailed out of this fucking wacky country and went to just as wacky one. Right? Fuck.

But I love Vancouver. I mean, he picked a good spot. I love Vancouver. Let me just finish the Robin thought. Please. Yeah, because I apologize. So 9-11 happens, and I'm home, and I'm alone. My kids, I was divorced.

My kids were at their mom's. And all the channels are running the footage for 24 hours. And Fox Television runs Mrs. Doubtfire. And I'm like, what a great fucking thing they did for me and for people. And I know a lot of people that I've talked to over the years that go, yeah, I watched Mrs. Doubtfire that night. They fucking on their network, which was still kind of a new network in a way they ran it and it's a story about divorce and what he would do to get back to his kids yeah and his acting in in that is you know it's a sweet movie it's a sweet movie that's a movie that i gave as an example and someone

saying uh i because someone was saying that trans people are never funny and a straight person in drag is never funny. I go, you can't say it's never funny. And I said, you don't think it's never funny when someone pretends to be a woman? And the guy says, it's never funny. I go, Mrs. Doubtfire. Tootsie. Well, that's a good one, too. But there's a lot of them.

Mrs. Doubtfire is a very strong example. But it's not about that but it's not about that's not about that it's about having to do the greatest disguise to be able to see his kids yes but he's still pretending to be a woman and it's fucking hilarious yeah yeah yeah well he he was all i was saying was if he had never done stand-up if if Robin had just been a great actor. Or like what Eddie Murphy's doing now. I mean, Eddie Murphy was one of the best stand-ups ever. He stops.

And now he just does films. I have a story for you about him that I think you'll dig. So I'm hosting the main room thinking I'll never get a career. Everybody's off. Everybody's gone. Arsenio's gone. Howie went on. What do you mean you think you'll never get a career everybody's off everybody's gone arsenio's gone uh howie what do you mean you think you never get a career i i was on the road not making a lot of money but in the meantime i would host uh for years the westwood store which was no more which was fun actually sam

so you're really young at this time then you you were my 20s you weren't going to have a career yeah already in your 20s yeah i was depressed all my 20s my all of them that's crazy i was i'd be on a plane and didn't care if it went down that's how stupid i was really i should have been gone to a doctor that's what i should have done be that depressed so i'm there and i'm hosting and Eddie Murphy comes in and this is not on the bill. He didn't call for a spot. So Eddie comes in and he's working out raw and I don't know that it's raw, but then he comes out and he's in, I can't remember if it's the blue leather or the red leather

suit, but he's in one of them and he looks like a fucking God. I mean, he looks, I've never seen anyone more beautiful. I look at him, I go, oh my god, look at him. His skin was like butter. I mean, I wanted to kiss him. He's still beautiful. He's amazing. He's one of the most, he wanted to be the Beatles of comedy.

He is. He is. So I'm the host on a Friday night. And Sam was going to go on later. And he comes out. And the place is standing ovation. The walls shake. And he does about 50 minutes on a Friday night.

Wow. And I'm watching it. And it's good. And I'm laughing. And I'm seeing it. He's working. And I'm laughing and I'm seeing it. He's working. He's working it. That's why he's there.

And he's getting ready for something because he's dressed in his wardrobe for what will be the suit that's going to be the show, the movie. And then he finishes and great applause, standing ovation. But what you would expect. i was there the next i was there all the time i lived there which is why i went away for a long time besides work happened i was on broadway and whatever the fuck happened just on the street you know i was just begging but i uh but but uh a week later a week week later, the following Friday, he comes out in the other color suit. I don't know if it was blue or red. I have a feeling it was blue that other Friday. One Friday later.

And I asked, had he gone up at the improv or laugh factor or anywhere? And they said no. He comes up and he does an hour and 10 standing ovation when it starts. I watched how great he is with my own eyes, ears, and heart. It was, I never saw anything like it. When he was done, he had crushed it so strong in a way that was so fucking funny because it was it had emotion in it. And it talked about racism and it talked about just and it was dirty and it was great.

And the wall, literally the building shook and that buildings got like dead mobsters underneath it. That's very solid, that building. There's cement down there. I'm not kidding. The wall, I thought it was an earthquake. And it was minutes, minutes of applause. And I come back out on stage, you know, and he's face to face with me.

And I go, that was fucking amazing. And he just gave me a nod, like, yes, sir. And then he was gone. And he was always very kind to me, too. But I got to see that. I got to see in one week what brilliance it took for him. So what do you think he did? Do you think he just went and reviewed the material?

If he didn't perform at all that week. He must have. Not necessarily. No, I think not necessarily is the answer. I think he just did what we do when we're good and went over it and over it and over it. As long as he worked at it. There's no way he didn't work at it. Well, sometimes it's not even that.

He didn't just leave it there but sometimes it's not that sometimes it's just inspiration sometimes you feel different sometimes you just feel better like sometimes you go on stage you just feel loose yeah he just got an idea of how to do it you feel physically better maybe like maybe you're more well rested or maybe he didn't like the set the week before. So he didn't thinking about it for all that time. I could tell he didn't after that first set because his mind was worrying like it does when we're trying to work something out. Well, listen, man,

that's the weirdest thing about doing a special. You leave that material to the ether. It's gone. And then you start from scratch. You have no weapons. So here you have these people that are coming to see you. Oh my God, it's Bob Saget. I love Bob Saget. I'm so excited. and you ain't got shit for them i did that

scrambling i did that after my last special look every time i do a set at the comedy store after my special comes out i don't have anything i have a few scraps i have a few ideas a few premises you know this last time i got lucky that i had a couple that I couldn't really do in my last special. I never really fleshed out. I could start with them. I could kind of get going, get a little bit of momentum, and then piece together an act. But that desperation is what creates your act. This last after that happened, and I could feel what was happening in the world in the past.

And you could too for the past year, not just a bunch of nonsense or just. So you wanted to do more real. Thoughtful storytelling. Thoughtful things that mean something to you rather than just jokes. But I can't help myself, as you can apparently tell, without taking little asides to throw in something that's just like fucking what? When you say that you want to do this, though, how much time were you working? How much stand-up were you doing? Quite a bit. I've been on the road and I've been wanting to be on the road more than I've ever wanted to be on the road.

Wow. So up until pandemic, I was set to go to canada and they closed canada the day before actually they closed it the day after i pulled on vancouver and so you basically just touring back and forth and just doing a lot of a lot of clubs getting everything a lot of clubs a theater a bunch of theater runs little theater runs not big ones getting everything nice and loose yeah and when were you thinking about filming? I was going to go fall this year. Me too.

I was already, I know where I'm going to shoot it. I don't even want to say because I have some real cool shit that I want to do that it's part of the place. Part of it. But it's just, I can't look like it's bad. I can't feel like it's just going to, what we're all going through is just going to make me mean even more. Everything we're going to get to do when there's a vaccine, when we find out if their vaccine works, when we find out what the fuck all this is, when we get to go out and really do a room that's 100% full. And we don't know.

You don't know what's coming with your big dates coming up. I think they're all getting canceled, if I had to guess. I mean, unless something happens between now. I mean, I'm supposed to do Madison Square Garden October 3rd. Have you played there before? Yeah, I've played the smaller room. But I'm doing the big room in the Boston Garden back to back two weeks in a row. Motherfucker. And I don't know if that's happening. Chappelle and I have a bunch of gigs. I saw. room but i'm doing the big room in the boston garden back to back two weeks in a row motherfucker

and i don't know if that's happening chappelle and i have a bunch of gigs i saw i don't know if that's happening but you'll just move them you'll just move them a year right yes a year a year's likely but even then we don't what kind of a climate are we looking at what is the world going to be like that's the least of my concern right now I mean doing stand-up is great. I would I would like to do stand-up again, right? It's a selfish concern, right right now I just want to Look if we never do stand-up again man life is beautiful. I want to appreciate life. I want to appreciate my friends I want to appreciate my family. I appreciate being able to do this podcast this has been one of the the nicest things that there's a place that I can sit and hang out with people and talk and learn.

This podcast has made me grow a lot as a human being. It has. A lot. I've listened and watched. It's shifted my perspective. It's made me way more aware of how much responsibility I have doing this thing. It's made me way more aware of how much responsibility I have doing this thing. When we first started doing this podcast, it was, you know, me and Brian Redband and, you know, whoever the guest was, Joey Diaz or Eddie Bravo or Ari Shafir, whatever it was.

And there would be like a thousand people listening at the most, you know, we get like a thousand downloads. It'd be crazy. And so we got to practice when there was like no stakes and you can still listen to them. Some of them are terrible and some of them are getting me in trouble now because some of the ridiculous shit we said no stakes. And you can still listen to them. Some of them are terrible. And some of them are getting me in trouble now because of some of the ridiculous shit we said. Right. Trying to make each other laugh. But that led to this.

And did you? For whatever reason, we just kept doing it. Or I just kept doing it. It became this. Did you have any vision in your mind that it would be what other people look at as like an empire no fucking chance no you just did it just did it i'm a grinder i'm i'm a person that i see something and i try to get better at it and i know that i had a bunch of podcasts that weren't that good and so i'd go what was wrong with that one well i talked too much or maybe i interrupted too much or maybe i didn't have enough to say about the subject. So maybe I should be more prepared.

Maybe I should be more focused. And then I really like, what's a distraction? Like make sure people don't look at their phones. Make sure you're locked in. Be really engaged. Be in the moment in the conversation. Be better at that. And I just kept doing it.

That's kind of, you're an influence on me in a huge regard because i didn't come to podcast because every fucking person on the earth has the kid across the street has a podcast you know my the guy ups guy the other day had a podcast really no but but it's okay but but i i'm like on number 33 and i'm i'm learning very fast because i'm a broadcaster you know I know how to do things but it's not it's a conversation that's why I'm so drawn to what you do there's people listening this is the most important thing and they love it

and they need it but it's also you have to listen to the way you sound you have to listen to the way the conversation's going like it has to be there has to be something in what you're talking about and the way you're talking that makes people want to listen to the way the conversation's going. Like it has to be, there has to be something in what you're talking about and the way you're talking that makes people want to listen. I don't know how to teach that. I don't, I mean, I don't know. I think, but you get better at it.

It's a skill. There's something to it. That's just like everything else, man. It's like, I don't play the piano, but I would imagine it's like playing the piano or learning any other skill. The more time and focus you put into it, the better you get at it. And to me, it's fascinating still to this day. If I get a scientist in here or a researcher or someone who's writing a book on something. Yeah, Elon Musk with a flamethrower. Yeah, it's fascinating. When I'm having those conversations, I'm locked in, man.

I love it. I enjoy it. And I never thought I'd be doing this. This is not a plan. There was no plan to this. Isn't that the best? It's great. I don't know if it's the best, but it's great.

Well, it's the best. I'm enjoying it. I think it's the best because it comes from an organic place, and that's why it works. I mean, that's why it's going to even—I't know if you read but you're you're you're moving it i don't know if you read about it yeah that's why here some people that work for me to tell me that yeah it's moving somewhere i can't remember where but i just moving somewhere big apparently yeah i you know and that's a that's a mind fuck too because now it's like there's more scrutiny on it. There's more people paying attention and criticism and everything. But it's also it's like I just keep doing it.

I just keep going and I just keep focusing on that. And that's the real challenge, right? As it gets bigger, can you keep doing it the way you're doing it? Can you keep getting high and get drunk and have friends here and just talk shit? Yeah, I'm going to see until the wheels fall off. They're not going to fall off because you're a special guy. I'm just telling you. I'm 64.

I could say shit like that. What if when you're 62, they did not let you? No, I wasn't allowed. I was talking to Norman Lear the other night. He's going to be 98. How's he doing? He's a fucking genius. On the ball at 98?

We had a Zoom with a bunch of music guys, like I said. And he is one of the most beautiful people I will ever know. Which is key to being sharp at 98. He cares about humanity. He changed television. He gave us all in the family and Sanford and Son and Good Times and The Jeffersons. Isn't it crazy that none of those shows you could do today? But they're doing them. They are doing the live ones on ABC.

Jimmy Kimmel and he are doing those shows. Doing what? All in the Family. What are you talking about? And The Jeffersons have been running new episodes. What? Woody Harrelson's Archie Bunker. Shut the fuck up.

And Marissa Tomei is Edith. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, you really need to Google this. Is this actually happening right now? This is gigantic. This happened a couple months ago. What? Yes, before the pandemic.

What? This is about as real as it gets. How the fuck am I just hearing this? How can you? I told you something you don't know. This is Woody Harrelson. That's Woody. And they sing those were the days.

As Archie Bunker. Get the fuck out of here. And it's fucking awesome, Joe. It's awesome. And Norman Lear. And there's Marissa. This is crazy. You have to watch it.

It's awesome. I can't believe this is real. No, it's. How do you know about this? Are you joking? No. I didn't know about this. Well, I gave you.

What did you tell me, Jamie? I gave Joe Intel. Live in front of a studio audience, all in the family. Holy shit. So it's Norman and Kimmel and ABC, and it's fucking- Kimmel's one of the producers, is that what you're saying? Yeah, they do it together, and it's fucking- Wow.

It's so special because the stuff is about racism. Because people didn't quite understand. Some people were just loving Archie and not getting the sadness. Wow, and they're all dressed like they're in the 70s. Yeah. So it takes place in the 70s. Jesse Eisenberg. Look at the collars.

Yes. Wow. And on the Jeffersons, you had Jamie Foxx. I mean, this is. What? Yes yes this is big shit how the fuck do i not know this you've got to go and watch it you've got to look it up you got to watch a little bit i'm that old man that doesn't know anything anymore i'm completely out of the loop i'm so relevant you're the relevantest guy i've ever met no the most relevant is norman lear so he's 98 look at this this This is crazy.

It's absolutely. Now who's going to do Sanford and Son? I don't know if they're going to do that. Why not? I don't know if you can do Red Fox. D.L. Hughley. Ooh. He could. There's a few people.

I love D.L. I do too. I think he could do it. So he was on stage at Zanies in Nashville and he passes out and he's got coronavirus. I know. How good is his tour manager that caught him as he was falling asleep? Yeah. Isn't that amazing?

He could have had his head cracked open. Oh, for sure. He was going down. You know what? This is what I was saying about all these comedians that we love. And I'm so fed up with that because I love comedians so much. I don't reach out to D.L. that often. We see each other once in a while.

I started texting him. Are you okay? It's Bob Saget. Please don't think I'm weird. I can't fucking take it anymore. That is you. Please don't think I'm weird. No, he texts me back.

He's laughing. He's going, I'm okay. I said, well, I wrote something else. I'm sorry I texted you. Then the next day I called him. I said, what the fuck,'m sorry I texted you you know then the next day I called him I said what the fuck man how sick are you

he goes I'm okay I'm okay he doesn't seem to be that sick I saw him talking about something else he had like a little bit of a cough you know

Brian Callen got it yeah and he's fine now he was pretty sick he's a strong mechanism his instrument's pretty together.

Well, he didn't take any medication. Brendan Schaub, his friend, took medication and he was fine four days and count. It took him like 11 or 12, but he's fine now. He said he feels good. I'm concerned with long term effects from anybody that has this because I was talking to a friend of mine who is a doctor who is saying he's treating a basketball player who three months, a guy in his 20s, three months after COVID is still having issues with his endurance. He hasn't gotten his endurance back to where it is. Like his lungs are not working at full capacity. So there's perhaps some damage or something.

I've heard from people that are scarring. Yeah. That happens. That's fucking terrifying. You know, what is this, Jamie? Scans reveal heart damage in over half of COVID-19 patients in study. Oh, great. Maybe they should go with more patients.

There was something else. I could send this to you. There was another, well, it's not necessary, but it was essentially saying that in the autopsies that they're doing on people who died of COVID, they're finding blood clots in all of their organs and their liver, lungs their kidneys everywhere yeah this is a fucking weird disease man and they don't know if the vac and what i've been hearing with the vaccine they don't know if you get it if it doesn't if it can keep you safe they don't know they don't know well they don't know first of all they don't know if a vaccine is going to be even possible. Normally, it takes a vaccine upwards of four years to develop, and they're trying to do this and fast track it.

And they're also trying to do something called an mRNA vaccine. It's a different kind of vaccine that doesn't use a live version of the virus, but instead forces your body to create proteins. See if we can pull up what that means. Remember, I'm a moron. So when I say these things, even though I use the right words, I really don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Very important to remember. You're becoming me.

M-R-N-A virus. See if you can. Excuse me. M-R-N-A vaccine. I typed it in, but it's not saying what it is. That's it. We'll never find out. The definition of M-R-N-A vaccine.

Messenger RNA. Messenger RNA. Messenger RNA. See, it does something to the body and forces the body to create proteins that fight off the virus. Another thing that's really important is vitamin D. And this is what you were talking about with African-Americans having a particular problem with COVID. African-Americans have a particular problem with vitamin D as well. have a particular problem with vitamin D as well. Because of course, with their skin color,

their ancestors all came from Africa where your body had all this melanin to protect itself from constant sunlight. So they didn't have to worry about absorbing so much vitamin D from the sun because they were in the sun all the time. This is the reason why Irish people are so fucking pale. The reason why they're so fucking pale is because where they are, there's no goddamn sun.

So their body has to be like a solar panel for vitamin D. Your body produces vitamin D because of sunlight, and it's not just the vitamins. It's actually a hormone. I'm really getting into this lately. Do you take a lot of supplements, vitamin D? Yes, I take 5,000 IUs a day. So I was talking to your guys before I came in here,

and they were saying, yes, I've been out in the sunlight because I've been out, go to the pool. That's like Hawaii for my wife and I. And she's, you know, that's been helpful. It feels good. That's good. But you're also getting a little bit of sun damage there too, right? You got to be careful about that. Yeah, I put on the shit. But is that protecting you from vitamin D as well? Probably. What you should do is get blood work done and find out where your vitamin levels are. It's not hard to do. Go to a good doctor. They can do blood work. My wife wanted me to take supplements.

All your vitamin levels. Right before I came in here, she said, that's what I've been trying you to take. You don't take vitamins? She said, I do. I do. But I don't take too many. You should take vitamins. You should go to a doctor that really understands this kind of shit and could look at your blood work and say, you need niacin you need vitamin d you're low in zinc and all those things protect you

is it a normal doctor or is it a person that i'll talk afterwards when you have a body that is deficient in nutrients that body lacks the the strength to prevent illnesses. It's the part of what your immune system is, is your body has an army that fights off bad diseases, right? And when your body doesn't have any building blocks, your body doesn't have any nutrients, your body is deficient and all sorts of critical nutrients that it needs for all these different functions, it's not going to do the job. It's real simple. When your body's weak, it's not going to do the job. But fortunately for us in 2020, you can take supplements.

And vitamin D is not expensive. It's not prohibitive, but it has a huge impact. One of the things that they're showing is that, and this is something that Dr. Rhonda Patrick talked about when she was on the podcast. She went over all these different studies that they've done in places where COVID patients were in the ICU. And in one of them, in several, but one of them that I can recall, 80 plus percent of the people that were in the ICU for COVID had vitamin D deficiency.

4% had sufficient levels of vitamin D. And there's multiple studies that point to the exact same thing, is that it's critical in your body's ability to fight off illness and particularly effective with COVID. So when you're talking about African-Americans, one of the things my doctor told me was that when he was doing tests in Manhattan with African-Americans, some of them had non-detectable levels of vitamin D.

So these are people that, first of all, their ancestors come from a climate where they're supposed to be in the sun all the time. Now they're not because they're in this northern hemisphere, cloudy, it's in the winter, they're not getting anything in the sun and they're not taking any vitamins. So they're just not getting it.

It makes them particularly susceptible. Another thing that makes people particularly susceptible is obesity. That is, according to my friend who's a doctor in New York, is a huge factor in people that are in the ICU. I've heard that quite a bit. Obesity is a huge factor. Obesity, vitamin D, those are two big ones. Zinc. Zinc does something that stops the the virus's ability to get into the body. I don't know how that works, but it's something about your body's, the virus's ability to enter into the body is somehow or another stopped by zinc. I've always had a problem taking too many supplements.

I went on a lot of kicks. I had a couple doctors recommend certain vitamins, and D was one of them for sure, and biotin. D's fucking huge, man. Most people are deficient in D. Does it upset your stomach? Because C upsets my stomach. How does it upset your stomach? I don't know. I have an acidic stomach. What are you talking about? It feels like it's

burning a hole through it when I take a vitamin C. Do you take it with food? That's what I've done wrong. You should take most vitamins with food. I fart. It's like a white cloud. A white cloud? Are you looking in the mirror while you fart? How do you know it's white? Who doesn't?

I mean, you've never looked over and farted in the mirror? I haven't. Over the shoulder? I don't think I have. Maybe we should do a photo session. Maybe not. Let's say not and not we didn't. You should take vitamins with food.

Most vitamins, they get absorbed better with food. You take them before or after? Well, I think the best way to do it is probably in the middle of your meal. Like eat some of your food, take your vitamins. So when you're eating elk, which I've seen a lot of photos of, a lot of elk pictures, would you take the D in the middle of four pieces of elk? Yes, I do. You take them literally?

Yes. I have a hard time telling people to do what I do in basically everything because they're not going to do what I do. Because you're kind of like a perfect human specimen. But they're not going to do it. They're not people to do what I do in basically everything because they're not going to do what I do. Because you're kind of like a perfect human specimen. But they're not going to do it. They're not going to do what I do physically. They're not going to do what I do. I take advice.

I have a stack of vitamins. It's like this, like a fucking Monopoly board. And I pull those bad boys out when I eat. And I pour four of these and two of those and ten of those. And I just eat those. And I eat them with my food. That's what I do. When I'm eating, I'll stop in the middle of the meal ten of those, and I just eat those. And I eat them with my food. That's what I do. When I'm eating, I'll stop in the middle of the meal, and I go out and I get my box.

And I have a box full of fish oil. Right. Fish oil, right? Yeah. What does it do? This is probably not a good topic, but what does it do to your stool? What happens? I don't know.

I always do it. Do you have a nice one? I have regular shit. All right. Is it tapered? Like a fucking hammer bro comes out hard residual or no it's just shit it's regular shit okay so it's not in compartments it doesn't come out all separate like vitamins no you don't like shit like 40 vitamins no shit capsules doesn't have anything to do with your shit. It's what, you know, just your shit comes from food waste. That's what shit is?

Yeah. I didn't know that. It's mostly fiber for a lot of people. But when you eat meat only, that's what's interesting. Yeah, you were on that. You just did a whole, you lost a bunch of weight on that. Yeah, I did. When I did that, I had smaller shits. It was interesting. It was like I was eating a lot of meat, that yeah i did um when i did that i had smaller shits it was interesting

it was like i was eating a lot of meat but your body absorbs it and you know it's meat is mostly water right right so you've got like the the tissue and then the water and the amount that you shit is surprisingly small whereas when you're eating a lot of salad and you're eating a lot of like celery and fibrous foods all that stuff stuff, your body doesn't really digest it. But it's good for you, right? I don't know. I don't know. Everybody's saying that we need to have our vegetables right now.

Not everybody. Some people are saying you need to have the vegetables, and then there's some people that are on this carnivore diet that say you don't need any vegetables. Well, some people are vegan, like my wife's a pescatarian. She worships fish. And I am on, I'm B positive blood. My 10-year-old goes, is a humanitarian someone who eats people? I mean, that's going to happen soon.

I think we're on. It's already happened. We're on the, but I mean, I think it's going to become popular. You think so? Yeah, I think one day. What if lab-created human meat is the best thing to eat at a restaurant?

It's like the veal. We have some beautiful lab-created human, lab-created buttocks. You can get it at Umami. They would have that. Umami has people. A restaurant, and they come out, and they have one of those fucking Bugs Bunny silver things where they pull the top off of it, and it's a dude's butt. It's just a perfect butt,

like an athlete, like a sprinter. I ate the best ass today. And he's like, this, we're going to crock pot this. It's going to be a beautiful, beautiful roast for you. But it's not,

it's not a part of an actual person. It was all created in a lab. Right. So someone who's always wanted to eat a guy's ass. Simulated. I mean, who doesn't? Pull that top off that

and show them. Simulated man ass., who doesn't? Pull that top off that and show them. Simulated man ass. Like if you go to Morton's, they come by with the steak tray. Yeah. And they show you, this is the ribeye. This is a beautiful marble cut. They come by with the man ass. Five asses.

I mean, they're making lab-created meat. Why not make lab-created human meat? Do you eat that stuff? I have never because it's not available, but I would try it. Not man. Oh, that fake shit? Yeah. No.

The soybean shit. That stuff's terrible for you. My wife gives it to me. I don't really love it. It's supposed to taste pretty good, but it's not good for you. It's not good for you. It doesn't seem it. If you want to eat vegetarian or vegan, eat vegetables.

Eat actual real vegetables. Don't eat some fake beef bullshit. That's not real food. I need my meat. Well, eat some fake beef bullshit. That's not real food. I need my meat. Well, eat meat then. Yeah. There you go. But it's not supposed to be good for your heart.

Says who? People. But have you looked into that? No. Yeah. See, that's the thing that people just keep saying. Yeah, they hear what some guy says. You know what's bad for your heart, man?

Sugar. Sugar and refined flour. No, fat's not bad for you. Fat's essential. You need fat. It's actually food for your brain. I thought it's also good. It helps lube up the meat so you can shit better. Perhaps. Listen, we can

go down this rabbit hole, but it's already 4 o'clock. It would take a long time for me to explain nutrition to you. It's 4 o'clock? Yes. Motherfucker. Time flies in this room. You're enchanted. How the fuck do you do this? You sit, you talk.

Yeah. You have a good time. A couple hours pass by. I love this. It was fun. Glad we did it, Bob. I love it. Tell people about your podcast. How'd they get it? It's on, you know, it's wherever you get them, right? It's Apple. It's Spotify. Is it... your podcast how they get it uh it's on uh you know it's wherever you get them right it's apple apple it's uh spotify is it uh it's on zigzag is it on youtube as well or it is but i i got a brand

new youtube site i'm a newbie so i just it's up there for uh zoom videos because i've been talking to people beautiful but i have really good guests i've been been having that. But I call people, too, to see how they're doing. And Instagram? Just Bob Saget? Yeah. Instagram, Twitter. I got TikTok until China pulls it. Don't get off the TikTok.

They're watching you every move. Are they really? Yeah. The Chinese government. They're in your ass right now. Checking you out. Maybe I need that. Maybe you do.

But what about Alexa? Isn't she listening to everything? That bitch is listening to everything. Everything. So is the Apple thing. The Apple home? Those motherfuckers listen to everything too. Siri's listening. Siri, that bitch is on me. Siri's fucking me every day. She's deep in your shit. Yes. She knows everything. All of them.

Fuck her. Yes. She and Alexa should take a slow boat to shitville. you go let's end with that bob saget i love you i love you joe thank you buddy thank you it was a lot of fun this is great goodbye america and the rest of the world see ya