The Joe Rogan Experience - #154 - Sam Tripoli

Episode Date: November 7, 2011

Joe sits down with Sam Tripoli.

Show you my day! Show Rogan Podcast my night! All day! Easily one of the greatest moments of my young life. How'd that feel? That was fucking awesome! I didn't know he was going to say that when Nick Diaz said that. That's so cool, man.

I was in my glories, dude. I was in my glories. I was like, oh, this is fucking the most awesome shit ever. I was in my glories, dude. I was in my glories. I was like, oh, this is fucking the most awesome shit ever. That could be better than if he said, hey, I'm so excited about fucking your TV show coming back. Like, this is even better.

No, that's nothing. The podcast is way better. Yeah, right? What are you doing over there, Brian? Are you going to sniff things again? I don't know why I just smelled that. Fucking weirdo. I just fucking smelled it for some reason. Don't smell my pocket pussy.

I wonder what Brian's going to be like when he's like 60. Do you think he's going to have the same childish sense of humor? Just like this, but more decayed. I honestly did not realize I did that. You didn't realize you sniffed it? No, I have no idea why I just did that. And why? Because you tell so many people to sniff yours at home.

No, I think it's just with new things. I like smelling new things, but I don't do that. I do that. I smell things. Like I get a new laptop or a video game system. we take off that styrofoam, we go... I ate lobster last night, and they give you the little bib thing, and you gotta put it on. You know, it seems ridiculous, but my little daughter wanted me to put it on, and I decided

to smell it. And the bib smelled gross. Well, it's plastic, right? It smelled like some weird plastic. Yeah, but like a weird plastic smell. Not like the McDonald bibs or whatever? Your kid likes lobster? Like smells like some weird plastic. Yeah, but like a weird plastic smell. Not like the McDonald's bibs or whatever? Your kid likes lobster? Like those little throwaway ones?

Yeah. Really? I don't think at that age I would ever go near lobster. Really? Yeah, because it's a kid. It looks like a monster. You don't want to go in. They eat octopus.

Really? There's a fucking... They eat octopus. Doesn't your one like... Oh, my daughter's. I was like, what? Octopus? How's a lobster eating an octopus? That'd be great. Where my daughter's. I was like, what? Octopus? How's a lobster eating an octopus?

Where's that video? I was like, is that even fucking possible? Lobsters eating... There's a fucking... There's a group of people, believe it or not, called the Lobster Liberation Group. And these motherfuckers,

they go out and they break into markets and restaurants and they take the lobsters out and they release them in the wild. Could you fucking imagine how dumb you have to be to risk your freedom? Because you will go to jail for this. Right.

Or for a bunch of soulless fucking bugs. Or how, like, how, like, cushy, cushy your life must be that that's the problem that you want to solve in the world. Jesus Christ. Of all the problems, like, your credit cards must be paid off. Your credit must be great. You must be on some kind of salary from your parents. That you want to go save little creatures from like water.

It's weird. Yeah. And little creatures that don't give a fuck about you. Not only do they not give a fuck about you. They're too stupid to feel pain. But what about the PETA thing about the killer whale where they're like people. That's what they wanted to say, that they should have the right to people. Killer whales

are a completely different animal. Now you're talking about something where I probably agree with them. I think what's going on with killer whales is killer whales are a super intelligent life form that we can't understand. And because we can't understand them, we're like, hmm, what? Can't hear you. Get in the fucking cage.

They don't like going in cages. They don't like being in those ponds. They want to be in the goddamn ocean, and they're really attached to their families, and they steal them. They steal them from their fucking mothers when they're babies, man. It's really the most evil shit ever. You know, dolphin training and orca training,

it might look cool because they're jumping up to get their fish, but guess what? They have to jump up to get their fish. You don't know how depressed they are. You don't know how fucked it must be to live that kind of a life. It's like us getting abducted by aliens, and they put us in a really small apartment complex with a pool, and we all kind of hang out at the pool. And that's exactly what it's like for these dolphins.

It's like they have this forced social world, and they can never have freedom. They can never be free. In that sense i think a dolphin world is never over it's fucked up it's for life yeah that's fucked up that's not cool i was thinking the other day about how like i just got a dog you know it's my first responsibility in a long time and uh i just watch this dog and all it does is i'm basically it's like kathy griffin's assistant i just get ran by this dog constantly and all she does is I'm basically, it's like Kathy Griffin's assistant. I just get ran by this dog constantly.

And all she does is eat, poop, and eat herself out. That's pretty much all my dog does. She eats herself out all day? All day. How old is this dog? A little under, about a year, a little over a year. Yeah. And I'm like, if aliens come and make us pets, is this what I'm going to be able to do?

Because that's not so bad. Like, I could just eat and then suck myself off. Yeah, that's ridiculous, Sam. First of all, you can't suck your own dick i could try second of all really you don't you don't want to have the freedom to go as you choose that's ridiculous well you don't know man so number one thing that would drive you the most crazy is to know that your existence is defined by four walls forever that's a for a person that's maddening the a person wants to experience new things it's a natural thing. Check out new movies.

Go down to a new restaurant. Go drive through a new neighborhood. It's part of what we are. We like to explore things. We're curious. You tell a person that this is all you're going to see. This is the only input you're going to get forever. They'll go fucking crazy.

That's what we're doing to those dolphins. That's what we're doing to those orcas. We just assume that because they can't alter their environment that they can't be as intelligent as us. But they could be. As a matter of fact, the cerebral cortex of an orca is like 40% larger than that of a human being. So we don't know.

We don't know if that's because it has to manipulate this really super large body. Because we do know that Neanderthals were dumber than people, but they had bigger brains. So it might have been just because Neanderthals had basically like superhero bodies right you know they were like a neanderthal was like five three 200 fucking pounds of solid muscle with these crazy bone structure like a chimp but you don't know man maybe that you know i mean they could be as smart because they were starting from less do

you know what i'm saying it's like we're farther along in the past so we're dealing with more complex shit but you had to start at the simplest thought and then build on that over time you may have just had the same kind of ability to think but you you have to start at nothing and build at something do you understand what i'm saying we don't quite know whether or not neanderthals were making tools before they learned them from homo sapiens either they don't know there's a lot i think there's a lot of debate on that i think they think that the homo sapiens just fucking basically wiped them out right we were just too clever but that might be wrong who knows i mean maybe they were smart what if all their cell phones just disintegrated from that long that's a good point like what if what if their heads were that

big because they were looking on their screens so much and their internet made their heads bigger and then they all got wiped out and died do you really think that there could have possibly been an internet at some point in the past? Yes. I think so. Definitely. Really? 100%.

Really? I think so. How many thousands of years ago do you think it would have to have been? Like six. No, I'm just kidding. I mean, but based on what they're saying, nothing. You're saying six is because- 30,000 years ago.

Yeah. So you've got to go way back, because six we know. We go to six, and we know. They know that Sumerian text. They wrote in cuneiform. It's just weird. It looks like little nails. You know, like old nails?

Right. You ever see how an old nail is not like a straight line with a flat top on it, but it's almost like the whole piece is angled? And that's what their writing looked like. It looked like old nails, like sideways and upside down upside down really weird fucking crazy language when you think about it because it was all basically most of the same characters just reused in some weird order that they understood and they had uh come to agree on and so we had to sort of decipher that because it's a dead language we don't even know what it sounds like you know like no one talks it so they

they know what the sumerians wrote although it's a lot of it is under debate because there's a dead language. We don't even know what it sounds like. No one talks it. So they know what the Sumerians wrote, although a lot of it is under debate because there's a guy named Zechariah Sitchin. You've probably heard about him. I wouldn't trust anyone named Zechariah ever. He was a bad motherfucker, but he was a believer. And he believed that the Sumerian text was all about the Anunnaki, which is an alien race from another planet that came down here

that is in an elliptical orbit, this planet, every 3,600 years. And that they came down here to get humans, and they created us from lower hominids by adding their DNA. This is all supposedly in the Sumerian text. I don't have... You know what, man? When they talk about angels, you never know, man.

There could be some crazy shit coming down. You know what I think a lot of it probably is? What Brian is saying. A lot of it probably is 30,000 years ago, not six, but 30,000 years ago, there was like a super fucking advanced civilization. They had reached the heights that we've reached. And what happened? Who knows? Someone came and hit the reset?

I think they were way past us. Really? And they invented something that's still with us that we just don't know about yet. with us that we just don't know about yet. You know, like they invented like air that could heal and send information or something like that. And it's already there. We just haven't tuned into it yet. Yeah, we haven't tuned into it yet.

And once we figure out a machine. Yeah. I believe in that. Yeah. And it's like the internet. It's like the version of the internet. It would be definitely. Look, you could never have explained the internet to somebody 50 years ago.

No way. And that's nothing. You ever look at the old videos when they try to explain computers like in the 80s? Like Sesame Street? What was the thing that they used to use back in the Wild West days? Remember? Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. Morse code.

Yeah. Morse code. Isn't that what they used back in the Wild West days? No, it was called, what was it called? It wasn't called Morse code. You could troll someone so easy on Morse code. They'd have no idea it was you. You know, it's not like Facebook. Let me see your picture picture take a picture right now of you and put it on your facebook this is what i want you to do i want you to red white and blue socks on

old people talked more imagine back then telling people that you're going to be able to watch people fuck on your phone so look at this see my phone i can watch people fuck on your phone. Say, look at this. See my phone? I can watch people fuck on this. It would be mind-blowing. You can watch people fuck on it. It streams in perfect time. It's, yeah. I mean, like, just a quantum leap. I can't imagine what it's going to be in 10 years, in 20 years.

Well, the real, you know, there's people that have a real scientifically-based theory that the entire world that we live in is like a computer simulation. And there's like, you know, when they start getting into quantum theory, and you know, I don't understand quantum physics. And Richard

Feynman said it best. He said, if you think you understand quantum physics, you don't understand quantum physics. Because even like the scientists don't really, it's still like a what? It just violates all these laws. Like there's things like a particle being superposition, where it's moving and still at the same time, and they can appear in more than one place at the same time and disappear. And they literally, the particles disappear. We don't know where

the fuck they go. They go away and then they come back. And on top of that, particles seem to be interacting with each other no matter how long the distance is between them. They seem to be able to automatically, instantaneously interact with each other that's crazy they're they can interact quicker than the speed of light apparently it's it's it's so it's I can't even talk about it because I'm not exactly sure what I'm saying it's like to me it's like what I'm saying is like it's like if you taught me how to say something in French but I don't know what it means and if you like Xenia sequoia Misha and then I just repeat the noises but I don't know what I'm saying

that's what I'm saying that's what i'm saying right now when i'm talking about this right you know it's there but you're not quite sure what you're saying but the bottom line is it's so strange and so bizarre and so not something you can bang on so not what we're used to in this world that really literally anything is possible this this this may very well be a computer simulation well going back to that computer simulation thing that scene in the matrix is kind of what that's about do you know where like neil meets like the creator yeah and he talks about how like he's the eighth one or the 11th one and he's reacting different than all the other ones that's kind of what that's about and that

no matter what happens people react the same way to stimulus and you hear that a lot about when they talk about you know uh the illuminati or whatever when they're trying to uh they do certain things to see how people will react over time so that when they want to cause something to happen they know the exact reaction of what people might when they crash like the economy they want to see how people react all that stuff and that was the scene in The Matrix where he's like, you're reacting different

than the last seven guys have because no matter what happens, people are going to do the same thing. We act like we're different and that's a whole thing from... You're talking like you're stoned. You're not even stoned. This is crazy.

You know what he's saying? Yeah, that's that scene though. You understand what he's saying? Yeah, he's just... Yeah. You don't understand what I'm saying? I'm not making sense. You connected a couple of things together that I'm baffled by. No, the scene in The Matrix. You don't understand what he's saying? Yeah, he's just... Yeah. You don't understand what I'm saying? I'm not making sense. You connected a couple

of things together that I'm baffled by. No, the scene in The Matrix. I think I might be on the wrong scene. Explain to me the scene. There's a scene where he walks in.

This is the first Matrix? No, this is like the second or third possibly. That's why. I cut off after the first. No, you have to go back and watch those movies. No, you do not.

Without the emotions, it's so much better. Without the emotions? The emotions of this is going to be great, this is going to be the greatest movie ever. You put too much into it

and then you're like, it doesn't live up to your expectations. But without those expectations, it's actually a great movie. It's a Cinemax movie. Here's what it is, buddy. There was one really good movie

and then the next one sucked. I disagree. I like the first and second one i thought the third one was okay just that one scene was the only problem i need to go back and watch them again so so what are you saying again what are you saying so neo right walks into this room and he meets the creator of the matrix and the guy says that the based upon neo's reaction to what he's saying is that he's different than the the rest reaction to what he's saying is that he's different than the rest and basically what he's saying is that the the human beings they keep resetting everything

because they keep getting free will they keep fighting back against the matrix so they reset everything and everyone reacts the same way no so they reset it and becomes another computer program yes and he act he's acting different than all the past ones. His emotions are different, so that's what I'm trying to say. And then I've read books about how these guys, the Illuminati or whatever you want to call them, who supposedly run the country and they opened the Federal Reserve and stuff like that. They opened the Federal Reserve?

Or they created the Federal Reserve. Sorry about that. You know what that is? That's like when I was listening to Magic Johnson today and they were replaying his whole speech about catching the hiv and he used the wrong words instead of like contracted he says i uh on a penis i forget what word he i'm like oh a speech maker must have gotten pissed right there but back to what i was saying that they they do certain things where they just see what the reaction of people will will be over time so you should see that movie multiple times.

So every time you see it, you get some emotion to it and become a different person. What a mindfuck it would be if you went to a movie and maybe the glitch in the computer program was that when you went to see the movie the second time, there was a scene in it that wasn't there the first time. Oh, that's cool. And you see it and you're like, wait a minute, what? What the fuck is going on? No, the movie it's different and you you're it's a mind fuck because you're like god damn i don't remember that and the people on the other end are like shit i don't think that fucking scene was in the other movie i don't think we showed them that's i think we showed them the first version of it fuck so this poor guy has got to like wander

through try to figure out if he's going insane. Explain why it's different. Imagine if that's what insane people are. It's like their program, their program, the one that they're living in, has a crazy glitch in it. It's just some glitch. So they're just wandering around. They're all fucked up and homeless and shit. They're trying to explain fucking things. Did you see that video that everyone's got on Reddit and they're going after this kid in Chicago because he punched this old homeless man in the head and knocked

him out on video. Yeah. And then they were laughing about it. Did you see this? Yeah. The whole internet is going after this kid because it's one of the cruelest, nastiest, meanest fucking things I've ever seen someone do to an old man who's a homeless guy. Wow. And he's broke and he's asking people for change. How young is this kid?

17? 17, 18 maybe. He looks like a kid. I don't know? 17, 18 maybe. He looks like a kid. I don't know. He could be 20. He looks like a kid. And they're all standing there and this poor guy is like old and rickety and barely walk.

And the gates to the train open, the doors to the train open, and he says something to the old man, like, you want some change? Pow! And hits him full blast on the chin. The old man goes backwards and bounces his fucking head off the cement easily could be dead easily could be dead you know i people die

like that i had a friend who was working in a bar and one of the bouncers punched someone that likely same thing fell back on his head dead it happens all the time you're getting hit by the fucking world think about what's happening the, the concrete behind the world is hitting you in the head. That's really what it's like. I mean, that's an amazing amount of blunt force to your fucking skull. Yeah, just sudden stop. And this kid just started laughing, and they hopped on the train and drove away, and they're all laughing about it. Oh, shit, he was like, ah. They're just laughing and laughing and laughing. The most heartless.

It was so disheartening, man, that someone could be like that. That someone could want to do that to someone for no fucking reason whatsoever. Yeah. I don't give a fuck if you're 15 or 16. You want to do that, man? Fuck you. Fuck you. I think it goes back to this whole thing that

sometimes people don't get the discipline when they're young and sometimes that's like spanking or stuff like that where they don't realize the pain that that comes with getting hit you know it's almost like bill burr's bit about how like chicks mess with people because no one's ever popped them before true i play video games and porn right it's just like they don't get it i've always said that about women i've been with women where women want to start fights and they'll say fuck you you fucking shut your fucking mouth and you're like whoa whoa whoa what the fuck are you doing why are you with me and you're yelling at a dude stop this right now what are you gonna do you're gonna you're gonna beat that guy's ass no you're gonna get me shot that's what you're gonna do stupid yeah this is craziness 100 i saw a video like the one you're describing it was on television was like something some i

don't know what the show was but they're showing it it was this really old guy he's about 75 he's trying he his car's right next to this group of like kids talking and he goes to his car he's trying to get in this other kid comes up and just starts wailing on this old man, dude. Boom, boom, boom. All the other people are just standing there watching. The guy gets in his car, drives off, and the guy's just laying down. All of his friends, all the guys who were watching just walk off.

A stranger has to come up and help him. So what's the motivation behind this? Just no motivation? Just stealing his car. Jesus Christ. It's like it's old people, man. It's a free shot. It's a free shot. It's a free shot at people that feel like they have no friends

and they have no one who loves them and no one gives a fuck about them and they'll just take a free shot at some old person, man. Fuck it. It's a dark, dark, dark part of human nature, man. The need to pick on people. The need to fuck with people. And that's something that we really have to teach out of kids, man. The bullying in schools has gotten worse and worse, man.

It's, you know, people are bullying people and then taking the pictures and putting them online. You know, I saw this picture of this girl. She blacked out at a party. She got drunk. Says, dude, shit on her face. Aw. Shit on her face. Took pictures of it and then put it online.

That's horrible. And she's this cute little cheerleader. You know, it's really horrible. It's funny, too. It is funny. But it's horrible. And that's someone's daughter, man. That's horrible. And she's this cute little cheerleader. You know, it's really horrible. It's funny, too. It is funny. But it's horrible, and that's someone's daughter, man. That's someone's little baby.

And that affects her for the rest of her life because someone recognized her. Are you the girl who got shit on the face? Exactly. And I can laugh at it, but it's like... She had a piece of shit on her mouth. This guy's shit on her mouth. It's horrible.

Is there no one there going, what are you doing, dude? Yeah, it's not that funny. You don't do that to a chick. If it was a dude, it would be way funnier. But doing it to a cute little girl, it's like, come on, man. Why are you doing that? She's just a little girl.

Yeah, and she's a little girl. She's drinking. It's like, why are you shitting on her? Where's her boyfriend? Where's somebody? She didn't have a boyfriend. She didn't have a boyfriend, I guess. They were drinking, you know?

Shit gets crazy. Especially when you're 17, 18, whatever the hell she is. You don't know what the hell you're doing. But I have this thing with the bullies too, man. It's just like I understand the whole move to stop bullying, and it's true. But I have this thing where you've got to understand that some of these bullies also really hurt children, and they come from bad situations. So it's like I'm not saying, hey, let's not stop bullying.

I hate when adults put their issues on children. And because a lot of these adults got bullied in high school, they want to go back and clean it up. But you've got to understand that these kids have social issues and mental issues too. You don't want to tag them with some kind of police record that's going to screw the rest of their life up. Yeah, but you have to protect the other students.

100%. You have to protect the other students, and you've got to figure out. The real issue is parents that do a terrible job of raising kids are never penalized for it. You never get in trouble. You can do a terrible job of driving your car, and you can get tickets. Nothing happens when you raise a shit kid. Your kid could be a goddamn serial killer.

My dog guts out and bites someone. I get sued. I'm going to go to jail. I'm going to go to jail. I've raise a shit kid. Your kid could be a goddamn serial killer. My dog guts out and bites someone. I get sued. I'm going to go to jail. I'm going to go to jail. I got a bad dog. But if you have a kid and your kid goes out and kills somebody, you're not even somehow responsible for it. Didn't they try to do that for a little while?

Really, did they? There was this big backlash against... When was this? There was something where this one area, and I want to say it's Chicago, but I'm not 100% sure, that they were going to try to do something where parents were one area and i want to say chicago but i'm not 100 sure that they were going to try to do something where parents were going to be held accountable for their children's actions doesn't surprise me you kind of should be in some way you know i mean not not entirely maybe

look you never know what happens once the kid leaves the nest you know and what if the kid has a predilection for addiction you know what if the kid has got that wacky gene that he can't drink cough syrup or he fucking goes on a bender? And that is a real gene, man. I think you and I have both seen it. In the comedy world especially, we know a lot of wacky people that can't smoke a joint, can't have a drink, can't do it, can't do it. I don't care what you say.

Everyone's different, man. I have my own problems with that stuff. It's like in my family, they have different forms of it. You know what I'm saying? Everyone's got their own kind of little vice, and I have my vice too. I'm an all-or-nothing type of guy. Well, I have a very similar personality, but it's not with substances, luckily. I take time off of weed all the time.

I'll take a couple weeks off. It doesn't bother me at all. I never feel the need to drink. Coffee is the only thing that I've ever been convinced that I was addicted to. I took off once when I was writing. I was writing right before I did my last special.

For every day, for 30 days, I was writing a blog. I think there's something about writing every day that really keeps your mind real sharp. It's great for performing. It seems weird, but writing all the time is great for performing so i was drinking a lot of coffee man and then i tried to not have coffee once i was done and oh did i get a headache yeah oh i got 100 and i felt like shit i felt like really like sluggish and i was like oh great i'm addicted to caffeine so i've done it a couple of times where i've gotten off of caffeine and every time i've

done it i have this weird like for like a couple of times where I've gotten off of caffeine, and every time I've done it, I have this weird, like, ugh, for a couple of days. I have a rule. I don't drink caffeine after a certain time unless I have to perform, and I'm really sluggish. But, like, after 8 o'clock, I try to cut it off because then I can't sleep at night, and I'm twitching, and I'm waking up in the middle of it. And, like, to get a good night's sleep, I stop drinking coffee after because I'm addicted to it. I have a bunch of different things that I do to get a good night's sleep i like i stopped drinking coffee after because i'm addicted

to it i have a bunch of different things that i do to get ready for shows but the number one best one for sure is warm your body up i do a lot of stretching i do a lot stretching is big because when you stretch like you really fucking stretch you release tension and it just you like you feel better you feel easier like your tension builds up in you. So before a show, like, I warm up and I stretch. And I learn this new breathing stuff from Steve Maxwell. He's this fitness trainer, world-renowned, really high-level fitness trainer. He's got degrees in it. He's also a black belt in jiu-jitsu.

And he's a world-famous kettlebell instructor and really cool guy. But he's basically a guy who's lived his whole life with a passion for fitness. So he's always constantly gathering information. And one of the things he's been concentrating on is breathing techniques. He's been concentrating on this pranayama and all this yogic breathing. And so we did a bunch of these crazy breathing exercises. Like, God damn, I thought breathing was just bullshit. I thought it was like breathe through your mouth, breathe through your nose.

I thought it was just something where you're not being tough enough. Suck it up, pussy. Stop worrying about how you're breathing. Let's go. Let's go. Do another lap. You know, like that's what I always thought breathing was. But what it is is a much more rapid way of recovery.

It's like pranayamic breathing and that you can actually control your breath when you become like a yoga guy, like a yogi, like one of those high-level guys. They actually can control their breath, like and control their heart rate. And they could calm themselves down when they're in periods of stress. And so I started doing these breathing exercises. And it's fascinating shit. So that along with stretching, that's the best for me. And then a shot. When I get older, man, and I'm not working out, man, my breathing goes to shit when I'm trying to run and stuff like that. It's terrible.

When you get older, man, and you don't work out, rigor mortis starts setting in. That's what you're fighting. Even though you're still alive, you're fighting rigor mortis setting in. And breathing is a big part of that, man. Well, this Maxwell guy is 59 years old. He's in incredible shape, dude. I mean, he does shit that I can't do.

He shows me some things and I can't fucking do them. And he's 59 years old. Jesus. Super healthy. Just every day. Super shredded. Make sure you train every day. He trains every day.

And when you do that, man, you force your body to work every day. Your body just keeps flowing that blood through there, keeps building it up keeps and then you have this better reserve of energy you feel better when i see dudes slowly let it slip away and the gut grows and yeah man i see i just wanted that's why i brought you on this podcast is this an intervention is this a fat intervention as soon as we leave here we're going to go straight to the gym we're going to do rounds in the back i don't know about that um but yeah that's going even going back to the gym. We're going to do rounds in the bag. I don't know about that. But yeah, even going back to your writing thing, I tell young comedians, always be writing. It's a muscle.

It also reinforces the fact that you're a professional, that you have work to do. There's a lot of comics who like to feel like they're just fuck-offs, and they just like to go on stage and try to remember what their jokes are and don't write anything down. You can do that. Chuckle junkies. They're very nervous about not getting the laugh.

They're afraid of that. They're afraid of that silence. It's terrifying. Sometimes I just don't mind the silence. And then sometimes what I like to do now, if I run into a really shitty crowd, I like to go on my iPod and I get Pocket Sitcom and I add my own laughter to the crowd because sometimes I don't like the crowd and I'd rather have my own laughs going. So I'll do this into the crowd or something like that.

I'll just go into the microphone and just enjoy my own laughter. You do that for real? Yeah. You know, this is an internet meme. Have you ever seen those where it says you're doing it wrong? Yeah. So that's what i do now well that's ridiculous sam well i sometimes the crowd's just staring at me and i just don't

feel like the deal is you got to get your own crowds that's when the world changes it's real hard to like when you you show up at the store on a tuesday night that's why everybody likes doing that like people the reason why people like to stop in in places is because until you become like really super famous where every crowd is your crowd, like Chris Rock or something like that, when you just stop in, then you get sort of a slice of people that they're not as inclined to laugh at you. They're not super psyched to have seen you, like, oh my god, we're going to go see Damon Wayans, we're so pumped up. The big difference between that and then sitting in the audience. Oh, Damon Wayans is here. So he's going to get a much more honest response from you.

No, I've seen that before too. I see comics who get out of there like, I'm not going to say their names, but you see them, they're in their crowd, they're crushing, take them out of their crowd. It's like, oh, I'm back in the gym. I've got to work out. So it's like, yeah, man. Once you have your crowd, it's easier to work on new material.

Not everybody finds a crowd sometimes. I don't know, man. I just enjoy just going up there. I only do that when I'm doing like- Would you say not everybody finds a crowd sometimes? Not everybody. Well, sometimes I have- Sam Tripoli, you have a crowd.

How dare you? Sometimes I think they're all at strip bars. How dare you sell yourself short? Well, they are definitely all fucked up. Yeah. I hate it. The Sam Tripoli crowd- I ain't judging, bro. Listen, up. Yeah. I hate it. I ain't judging, bro. Listen, those are my people too, man.

I ain't judging. My people are mostly crazy. My crowd's fucked up. They like to drink. But cool as fuck. Yeah, so do mine, man. My crowd is always fucked up. I have more pot smokers than you do, probably.

You're not a big pot smoker guy. But you do sometimes. You go in these waves. Depends on where I'm at, what I'm doing. Right now, there's Sam Tripoli's on an I'm sober wave yeah and you know it works better but my problem is when everything works better uh dude listen i like the party dude i like to get out there i like to go you just go nuts yeah i'm a nuts guy dude right because i just i want it all i want to do everything i just that's how i am man right and you know why you're funny that's why you're calm

yeah I'm crazy impulsive yeah I'm nuts madness I want everything to be the greatest story of our life

right that's every time I go out and I drink I'm like I want this to be a legendary moment and people are like

oh my god last night we were tripling shit got crazy and you know what that catches up with you after a while it does

and I know just sipping a beer or just like that means that does nothing for me are you working this friday uh yeah i'm in la jolla damn why because i'm doing the comedy magic club in hermosa oh you're killing me dude i'd love to get with you i love that place have some fun he's so nice man he books me about twice a year yeah and uh and i'm not right for his crowd i, like I am, but even my nice stuff has a little edge to it. You know what I'm saying? But he's so nice to put me up.

And I love playing that crowd. I love editing myself as I go. Yeah, Rick is the nicest guy ever. Yeah, it's just a nice, fun club. Yeah, it's a great club. But he allows me. Well, because you bring a certain crowd that packs with you. I bring them in.

But he won't let Joey Diaz. Oh, really? I've had Joey a couple times. It's too extreme. Really? Joey's too crazy. He starts talking about stuffing things up, you muffler. But yet he lets Ari, which makes no sense. Well, Ari apparently is...

Yeah, but Ari's dirt is a little different dirt. Well, first of all, Ari's Jewish, so he gets a little past there. And he looks... Ari's dirt is a little different dirt. Well, first of all, Ari's Jewish, so he gets a little past there. Oh, yeah. He's a Jew in Hollywood. That's right. And he looks, he's non-threatening. Yeah. You're not going to look at Ari going, oh, my God, he's going to bang my daughter tonight.

You don't look at Ari like that. He's going to rape your daughter tonight. He doesn't. No, you look like from here he goes back to the library and he starts working on a Dewey Decimal system. You know what I'm saying? It's like he. I don't look at it that way. I look at nerdy guys as having just as much of a propensity for anger and violence as scary-looking people.

Because a lot of times when you catch a nerdy person, you're catching them when they're fucking about to break. Their whole life, someone's been fucking with them. Their whole life, girls have been shitting on them and fucking their ex-boyfriends behind their back. People have been stealing their lunch money and stuffing them into lockers. So when the shit goes wrong with a nerdy guy, it can get crazy quick. He's like, I don't fucking take this anymore!

Falling down, bro. Exactly. Falling down. I get it. I know a lot of nerdy dudes that are suicidal, too. I know some nerdy dudes that, especially when they get into their 30s and their body starts to slow down And they're still unhappy with life It gets tricky man

When you're around a suicidal person If they're willing to kill themselves What the fuck are they willing to do to you 100% man I've seen super hot chicks Who are suicidal It's their reality You're looking at them going, you're hot.

Everybody is bending over backwards just to sniff your magic. But in their head, they're miserable. It's not enough. You need a lot of things to be happy in this life, man. You need fulfillment. You need love. You need friendship. You need honesty.

You need honesty about yourself. You need to be able to assess your strengths and your weaknesses and find your goals and achieve them and you need a lot of fucking things to be happy

you need you know when I say find your goals and achieve them I mean like you know not necessarily like your ultimate goal to be happy

but you have to people require improvement in their life to be happy and it might be improvement of just you I'm gonna paint I'm gonna to paint. I'm going to paint

a landscape scene. You get it done and you look at it and you're like, I fucking did it. You know? Whenever I do anything, whether it's a podcast or I write something, that feeling that you get when you're done like, I did it. You need that to be happy. You can't just be a lazy fuck and sit around doing nothing.

100%. You're only just going to drink and fucking sit outside. You're going to get bored, man. You're going to want to do something. The idea of the ultimate idea of ultimate vacation is a stupid idea. Even when I go on vacation, I'm good for like a day. And then I want to do something.

I want to do some shit. So then it's vacation. Let's go do fun shit while we're on vacation. But the idea of just sitting and just drinking in front of a fucking ocean for three days like jesus christ how long can you do that what kind of attention span do you have but do you have a day of rest one day yeah that's my day i can sit down one day someday i just don't i try not to do shit but i sometimes i don't feel like i deserve it if i don't feel like i deserve it i

won't give myself i feel guilty sometimes but i feel like you have to have that moment of just relax. You do. You do, but I think you have to earn it. In my mind, for me to be happy, I have to earn it. I have to make sure that I'm not slacking off about a bunch of shit that piles up in your subconscious because that's the shit that fucks with you when you're on brownies. 100%.

And that's the shit that fucks with you when you're in the isolation tank. When I'm in the isolation tank, everything that fucks with me is things that I'm not doing. It's 100%. Things that I'm not doing or some mean stuff I said to someone when I was 10 or something. Sometimes that'll come back and you'll get some weird memory of that. For me, where I am in my life and what I've done and all that stuff, one thing someone said to me is I asked them how they were doing.

They go, a lot better than I think I am, you know, because sometimes people. Sounds like Neil Brennan. Yeah, it's like you're doing, you're actually probably doing better than you give yourself credit for. But, you know, sometimes people focus on what hasn't happened yet or, you know, than what has gone well in their life. And a lot of people sometimes compare their, like their insides to other people's outsides. And that's where you start getting really weirded out. It's like when you start looking at this guy and he's got what you've always wanted or you think you've always wanted and you're like, oh, I don't got anything.

And you don't realize how much you've done with your life. I'm really just in the moment. There's tons of stuff I would love to do and I'm working on doing. But at the end of the day, from what I've wanted to do, I've done a lot of it. There's a lot more to do, but I've done a lot of it. The most important thing to me when you have that feeling, you compare yourself to other people. It's not a bad thing to do.

But what you've got to do is only be inspired and have that as an ethic don't ever be jealous don't ever be uber self critical or down on yourself instead of going oh I'm a fucking lazy piece of shit look at this guy he's doing his second comedy central special and I don't even have a fucking

hour and a half that I really like my act sucks and I can't keep a relationship instead of saying that watch some guy that I really like. My act sucks and I can't keep a relationship. Instead of saying that, instead of saying that, watch some guy that you really love or respect. Instead of being put down by it, be elevated because of it. 100%.

You can choose to do that, man. People can choose to do that. Yeah, you might be right. You might be a lazy piece of shit. You might be right, but don't think about it. Don't concentrate on that because if you concentrate on the fact you might be a lazy piece of shit you might be right but don't think about it don't concentrate on that because if you concentrate on the fact that you're a lazy piece of shit you will continue to manifest that reality it sounds like hippie bullshit no it's fucking true it's energy and intent i have some thoughts man about about

reality and i have some thoughts about the the use of the mind and the imagination of how it scopes reality i don't think it's as simple as they want to break it down in the secret and the law of attraction. I put a picture of this house on the wall. Four years later, I was moving into that house. I don't think it's that, but I think it's kind of that. I think there's

something to the idea that your thoughts and imagination have an effect on reality. This is my reason why I say this. Because I think the imagination is something idea that your thoughts and imagination have an effect on reality. 100%. Look at rappers. This is my reason why I say this. Because I think the imagination is something that we're not taking as seriously as we should be. And what I mean by that is that I don't think, if you looked at like, what part does this

play in life? What part does food play in life? What part does food play in life? What part does the imagination has a huge impact on our reality? Because we take things out of the imagination and we build them like this fucking laptop. It's came from originally from someone's idea and it blossomed and evolved into what you see in front of you. But it came out of the imagination. It came out of the air. Someone figured out how to put something together because they had an idea. They had a spark. They saw a vision. They saw it fully formed in their mind, or they saw steps along the way fully formed,

and they figured out how to do that. I think your mind doesn't just control things in a sense that you bring things out of the ether. You bring things out of your imagination and bring them and manifest them in the real world, but I think your mind actually has an effect on how things go in the real world yeah as i said before i don't i don't understand quantum physics i don't get it but i do know that they've done tests where they show that particles react differently if you're observing them than if you're not observing them and i think there probably something, some unmeasurable thing that's too fucking freaky and far out and really difficult to prove. But I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility that your mind might have some sort of an impact on reality. You know, babies are still going to get killed by drive-bys And people are still going to get caught in avalanches

Just randomly I mean, it's not to say that shit can't happen Shit most certainly can happen And most certainly there are natural occurrences That are going to be absolutely beyond anyone's control You know, there's levels of experiences Like, you know, you get to a meteor impact That's a wrap!

65 million years ago, a big one slammed in And there's nothing bigger than a fucking hamster lived. That's it. Boom, boom. And that could happen again. And no matter how much imagination you have and how much you dream of a perfect world, I don't know if you can prevent that. I think that there might be quantum things. There might be macro things.

There might be a whole bunch of things working together. But I don't discount the idea that you can use your own mind and you're in a mat your own imagination to manipulate reality to a certain degree no 100 i've always felt felt the energy you give out is sometimes the most of the time is the energy you get back or how about dudes who just force shit with their mind you know this is gonna sound crazy but when dane cook became really famous that was one of the first things that i thought of. And I was like, wow, this guy wanted it so much that he figured out a way to make it. Like, because Dane Cook, we all have talked about it in the comedy world.

That was a real shocker for a lot of us. We were like, wow, how did he do that? That's amazing. How did he get that big? That big, that quickly. That big, yeah. The whole thing. To the point you could always tell someone's going to work.

And I always felt, you know, he's a different person right now. I feel that when I met him, which was many years ago. Well, he's way different now because he's successful and he's sort of relaxed and he's realized that. And some things in his life have happened that made him reassess where he wants to be. Like his brother ripping him off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His parents dying. But he was a win-at-all-cost guy.

Yes, exactly. And with that comes a certain price. And not that he's a bad person, but I've always said, sometimes bad things happen to good people. But I always felt bad things always happen to bad people. And it may not be instantaneous. The word bad maybe isn't the right way to describe somebody but i feel like if you're always putting out energy and you're you're you're fucking over your fellow

man to to win almost it's gonna come back and it might not be instantaneous meaning if i fuck you right now you know i'm gonna walk out and get hit by a car you never know well this is what i think i think that the only time that doesn't work is with sociopaths because Because sociopaths don't seem to have any feelings about things like that. They don't worry about hurting people's feelings. They don't feel connected. But the real problem with regular people like you and I is that you feel connected with someone when you hurt their feelings. Like I've had people that are hecklers, that are just idiots,

and they're ruining a show. There's a thousand people in there, and one person wants to fucking throw in their own stupid brain and slosh up the whole show. So I'll destroy this person. I'll torture them. I'll break down their life. But I feel bad.

I don't feel good about it. I don't want to do that. I want everybody to have a good time. I don't want to hurt this guy's feelings. And this guy's leaving. Fuck you. You're a fucking zero. And I'm like, come on, man.

I'm at least a one or a two. This is ridiculous. And everyone's laughing. And I'm like, if I'm a zero, what the fuck a one or a two. This is ridiculous. And everyone's laughing. And I'm like, if I'm a zero, what the fuck are you? Yeah, 100%. Get out of here, you crazy asshole. 100%. There's a thousand people here, and you're trying to ruin their night.

And people are screaming and cheering, this guy's leaving. And as the guy's leaving, I feel bad. I do. I don't want this. Because his night's ruined? Yes. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Because you really just want to perform and entertain people that paid money to see.

Exactly. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I think people that hurt people's feelings, even if you justify it, you know you did something. And I think that fucks with your head and it devalues you in your own eyes. You're not a hero in your own eyes. You're not someone who you respect. You're doing what you've got to do to get by, but ultimately you're not respecting yourself. And I think we all have a certain amount of appreciation and respect for hero figures.

We all look at the guy who never lies and always does the right thing and fucking helps everybody out. And that's the John Wayne character. That's the ultimate hero. And when you look at your own life and you don't stack up, you're a thief. You stole money from your wife's purse. You don't want to smoke cigarettes but you fucking have to, you can't deal with the stress you smoke, you devalue yourself. You slowly start devaluing yourself.

When you look at yourself, you realize that if you were judging yourself, you would judge yourself unfavorably. If you're stealing, if you're hurting people, if you're damaging people. 100%. So no matter who you, you can't pretend you're the hero of your story. You can't. You have to be the hero of your own story. And you can do that.

You can be the hero of your own story that woke up today. You can be the hero of your own story that at 40 years of age stopped, got out of bed, and said, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm doing this differently now. 100%. I am going to figure this out and I'm not doing this anymore. I'm doing this differently now. I am going to figure this out and I'm going to do it only by my instincts and only by my morals and my ideals and my mind. And I'm going to be dead honest with myself because I'm realizing this is not going to

last forever. And I'm going to be the nicest fucking human being to everyone I meet possibly. And I'm going to get myself in shape and I'm going to eat healthy. And I'm going to do this because this is me now. I decide that this is me. And people have to realize that you are not your past. You are not all the times you fucked up. You are not all the times you couldn't get it up. You are not all the times you were drunk and you threw up in someone's car. That's not you.

You are the person who's learned from a great deal of experiences and if you learn correctly and if you process them correctly you'll have a happier life you know in recovery that's a big part of it when they you know you're supposed to list all the stuff you've done and apologize to them and you basically what it is is you just get it out and you're like i did this yes i'm sorry now it's gone you moved on and usually the person you admit to, they'll be like, I did all that and a little more. Look where I am. It doesn't define you. And that's the truth.

And sometimes people hold on to that. Psychological stuff like athletes and entertainers. Sometimes they'll do something and something bad will happen. And it almost wounds them. It's like high school. When someone shits on you, it sticks with you. Instead of understanding that that was a moment in time and that person was probably hurt themselves it doesn't define you as a person yeah yeah you we all do things that we're not happy that we did

but that doesn't mean that's you now you know it means you're not gonna you got to learn that and the the thing about apologizing to someone you once you you get it out there once you've like relieved this tension, then it's no longer this burden that you're carrying around. Because otherwise, you have burdens. Seriously, I will think about

some shit that happened from fucking 20 or 30 years ago. And I'll be like, ah, I should have been nicer to her. Or, ah, I shouldn't have talked to him that way. And it will fuck with me like 20 or 30 years later.

Oh, there's this girl named Erin McNally. I went to school there, and I went to my last reunion just hoping that she would show up because during elementary school, we treated her so badly, and I hated it, and I wasn't part of it, but I saw it happening, but I wasn't strong enough because I was a kid. And I've always wanted to just be like,

I'm sorry that that had to happen, man. Yeah, well, when I was a kid, especially as I got older and I was more and more angry, I became the first person to pull the trigger. I was like the first person to insult someone because I figured well, you're going to probably insult me, so I'll get you first. And

you develop this sort of protective personality like that especially if you're a little guy and people want to fuck with you. And that was me. And when you like that, especially if you're a little guy and people want to fuck with you. And that was me. And when you do that, all of a sudden that'll be a way you behave now. And then you'll say things. You're like, why did I even say that?

That's such a douchey fucking thing to say. But it's based purely on insecurity. I used to call it the Tripoli low blow, where we would be like having... Brian, what are you doing over there, buddy? Want to participate in the conversation? There's no way I could do that. There's no way you could participate

in this conversation? Why's that? Because it was so long-winded, I don't even know what you guys were talking about near the end. I know what we were talking about. I'll break it down for you. Brian is like a two-year-old boy.

No, I mean, I got the main point near the beginning, and then it was kind of like, I just stopped listening, you know? I have a real problem in school with when when something gets really deep into a conversation unless it's about something that i'm totally interested in like to solve some kind of mystery uh it's i i just lose interest in it how about we talk about uh are you gonna be a stink dude i know put your fucking shoes back really yeah i think something's wrong with my feet right now

yeah well they stink that's what's wrong. Or is it your shoes that stink? No, I think these shoes are fucked up. That is the grossest thing ever. When someone takes their shoes off and their feet stink right next to you. But did you smell it stinking? I smell it right here. I just smelled it right when he said it.

Dude, they stink. I'm going to light some incense, you stinky motherfucker. Yeah, I have really old gym shoes on because I was moving all day. I want to talk about whether Brian's going to be okay with a tranny being on the podcast tomorrow. So who is this girl, guy? Listen, here's my whole thing, man. How do you know this person, by the way? Did you meet this person at a bar or a friend?

No, what I just feel like in the Na. I just feel like in the naughty show, I want to explore all stuff, and I'm fine with anybody doing whatever they want with the consenting adults. And so, you know, you can't do naughty show, and it just can't be like, let's bang porn star. I want to explore everything, and all the different aspects of not just sexuality, but just people and their behavior,

and everything like that. And I just wanted to, and I thought it might be interesting to have her on and see what that's like. How do you get that? I'm always interested in how do people get that. It's a funny subject. I'm glad you brought this up because I wanted to talk about this very subject because somebody on the message board printed, he goes,

I organized my porn folder. That was the thread. And they look at it, and it's like 80% she-males and trannies. And everybody was like, are you trolling? Likeannies and everybody was like are you trolling like what are you doing are you joking around like what are you doing and um it was basically what he was doing was getting the conversation started and then as he got the conversation started he's like no i'm into regular girls but uh i you know i do watch a lot of tranny porn i've had some tranny uh escorts you know and like super honest about it and everybody's like whoa dude you got balls you know but not really i mean yes he definitely

has balls but it's a cool environment that you're doing it in like that's the best way to use the internet if you got some crazy fucking freak thing and you can talk about it and your name is you know akmak fikki 52 right no one's gonna know who you USA. You can make up whatever the fuck you want your name to be and then, you know, it's just a character on a message board. Who knows if he's even telling the truth? I mean, it might just be an ultimate troll. People love to do things like that and then giggle and pretend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm pretending I'm Brazilian. People love doing things like that. I just found, you know, it's like the two biggest porn types out there, genres, are interracial and tranny porn. That's one of the biggest genres like the two biggest porn types out there, genres, are interracial and tranny porn. That's one of the biggest genres? The two biggest.

Wow. You would know. Folks, this is not coming out of a man. That's the person that's coming to the studio tomorrow. That's a tranny? Yeah. Whoa. That looks like a dude.

Yeah, some of them look... When they go too far with the makeup. Here, trannies. Let me give you a little piece of advice. You're better off looking sort of like a man with less makeup than look like a tranny with a lot of makeup. Because when you have a lot of makeup on, it always looks like you're trying to trick me. They try to go look like lumberjacks. What guys really are going around with steel-toed boots?

The lesbians. The butch ones. The ones that don't want to work. They look like hot chicks. Right. Lipstick lesbians. And they're my fans. Well, those are the ones that don't want to work, they look like hot chicks. Right. Lipstick lesbians. And they're my fans. Well, those are the ones that don't want to work.

What they are is they want a woman to come along and take care of them the way a man would. Right. They want a woman to be like their bodyguard. And they're usually passing through. Chaz Bono them. $100,000 to look like Larry the Cable Guy. That's so fucked up. Is that what it costs?

$100,000? Yeah. You know what's weird about Chaz Bono? Look, first of all, I would never criticize someone who's doing that because I don't know what the fuck it's like. Here's my theory on that. I don't know what's going on inside of his body. I don't know.

I don't think I have no problems with it. Be yourself, but don't tell me it's not a little weird, okay? It's like if your cat starts barking like a dog, it's a little weird. I'm not saying it's wrong, and I totally support his right to do it, but it's not normal normal. I don't think she's saying it's a little weird i'm not saying it's wrong and i totally support his right to do it but it's not normal normal i don't think she's saying it's not i think no i think that's what's exactly call me he do you call me here is she i call me he it now i call him a he yeah that's what he is now respectfully yeah yeah i have to see his dick call me hey well that's my i do just say hey what's up chas i'm like i wouldn't say he or she.

Maybe we'll just call him Chaz. Yeah. You know, the Navajos thought that there was four basic sexes, that it wasn't four preferences. It wasn't male, female. It was male, female, masculine woman, feminine male. And then they thought this is just a natural thing. And that there was always people that wished they were born a girl.

And I believe it. I 100% believe it. There's just's just too many people i mean i know it could be just nutty people it could be some weird imbalance that's one thing they've proven that experiences will literally shape the mapping of your fucking mind and the way your mind makes correlations and the way you know and even shape your genes you know that it's the genes are activated because of certain stresses and different things that happen to you, like literally in the womb, man. That's why so many people that come from really super volatile environments

are quick to jump and be violent. And the reason being is they're fucking programmed to say, hey, we're going to shoot you out in the middle of a fucking war zone, okay? When you come out, it's craziness right out the get-go your mom almost got shot today coming home from work and you experience all this inside the womb that your body's like getting ready for war it's triggering it's triggering everything in that way experiences and you draw from those experiences on how to react to certain certain situations yeah but the back to the tranny stuff is like, I believe it's like gay training wheels.

No, it's not. No, but why it's so popular on the internet. Oh, I see what you're saying. The porn. Yeah. Why is it so popular? Because- Well, I think it starts off with blow job videos and then it goes to training.

I think there's a broad spectrum. That's what I think. I think there's a broad spectrum of sexual likes and dislikes. And some guys literally get off, and they're not even gay, they get off on looking at other guys' dicks. They'll get off on looking at a guy's dick being hard and imagine it was their dick. And they literally watch porn and get off on the dicks.

Well, I think that's why interracial porn. They just love watching these big bazookas just destroying these little white girls. I don't understand that because I can't relate. Because it's not like, that's a black dick. That's not my dick. That's how I always look at it. That's why when I see a dude who's got a little tiny dick,

I'm like, come on, son. That ain't my dick. I can't pretend this is my dick. So this is not like fun porn for me. But there's not a lot of little dick porno guys. There's plenty of little dick porno guys. Like, what's little? Like, I don't...

What's little? It's not big big i can't relate six seven everything's swole like a motherfucker that's so no it's like you know there's there's sometimes fat guys too fat guys with little dicks and some dudes love that shit because they could be me man which is why i know i was amazed that there's not more of that like because that's what porn started out really ugly guys banging super hot chicks yeah because that was the fantasy well have you seen some of the new porn that they're doing where the porno stars will fuck a fan yeah they'll fuck a real fan and they'll let the fan come inside of them and everything like god damn oh that's what my uh

that's what my uh at my naughty show they wanted a director wanted to come and raffle off to uh one that whoa so and the i don't know that the establishment was like i don't know that's legal which establishment uh cheetahs they said no yeah jesus christ how is it not legal you're just arranging there's no money being uh taking changing something weird it happened like you're arranging pornography yeah oh if something weird that's their whole theory get some fucking savage yeah you could raffle it off and you could say that your buddy won who's a fucking i got bea buchi straight out of jail dude yeah i just kill it just call it like ultimate kiss night or something he would

be fucking her on the camera though dude i mean it would be like a video that they make that's their whole thing if someone bad they could be liable i'm like i don't know how but so they didn't want to do it i thought it was gonna be hilarious just change the wording though like ultimate kiss night like make it something like that like it was implied that everyone knows yeah i mean doesn't howard stern do that though he sets it up where they go and fuck guys the interns yeah they fuck guys i ran it by cheetah and they were cheetahs and they said it wrong you said it wrong well you know what it is men know you know what it is the risk for reward for them is it's not worth it what are they gonna do they're gonna make a couple hundred people happy if they do it and what's

the risk the risk is they get known as a prostitution establishment they get fucked and they lose their license that's the risk it's like why would they do that for your silly little fucking comedy show silly boy non-business sense having motherfucker this is my business here i've been in vegas for 17 fucking years this location yeah i do with I do it with a French accent. That's who I was. Cheaters now. A French guy? They cannot do this now. The French are freaks, man.

They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck. Have you been to a strip bar in L.A. lately? No. They're horrible. Really? They're all horrible. They've always been horrible.

There's never been a good one. Remember that bit that I used to do about the Star Strip on La Cienega? No. It was a true fucking story. The girl was dancing and I asked her, I go, hey,

is this fun for you? Do you like doing this? She goes, I don't talk to guys who come here. Yeah. And I go, well,

why not? She goes, well, you know what? Most of the guys who come here are assholes. So,

I don't talk to guys who come here. And I go, well, it's an open door. I mean, like, nice people come in too.

I go, you know, and she goes, well, they only come here for one reason. I mean, like,

why did you come in here? And I go, because somebody told me there's a place that i could go where i could see a strange girl's pussy for a dollar oh i remember that yeah remember that bit that's a true story that really did happen i was like what a gross conversation i just you're dancing if you don't want to talk to me just say you know uh i prefer to be silent or something but to see most guys are assholes like okay i get i get this is not fun all the time, but I'm nice. I'm being nice to you. Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of dicks going in there, but it's like, that's your job.

I mean, it's like there's a bit of sales going on. Yes, but... Joe, you should totally open up a club and just call it like Houston's and fly just, all the girls there are just from Texas and they get flown in every week. Wouldn't that be cool? No, it wouldn't be cool.

Why wouldn't it be cool? That would solve the LA... You're going to deal with a bunch of fucking problems. That's what you got. I mean, if you want to... What it is is these are people

that are broken. That's what it is. I mean, the reason why this girl's angry at work is not because... Not even necessarily because so many guys are assholes, which I'm sure they are.

But it's because the reason why she's fucking got her asshole in front of your face in the first place. She's broken. Something happened to this poor girl

when she was younger and she's all fucked up and most likely molested and then here we go. There's good LA clubs or there's good strip clubs though. You enjoy going to good strip clubs.

The ones in LA are just completely broken because of the actress thing. It's also less and less as I can only enjoy it with a bunch of people and less and less. Less and less I enjoy it

than when I was younger and it's just because I do the math. You you do that whole fucking buddhist thing where you start to think about what is the cause and effect what is the what is the initial starting point for this you know the current behavior or you have a couple drinks and just go stare at tits do you hear about the place in north dakota there's a city where they've like some mining city where the girls are stripping and they're making 3500 a night because they got so much money and there's like five chicks in the whole entire town and they're taking they're taking in applications from around the world like russians uh czech

chicks yeah yeah i was uh talking to some dudes up in canada we were working uh we were in grand prairie and some shit like that. Way the fuck up there. And they were talking to us about there's a lot of dudes that work up there in the mines. And there's nothing to do up there. And they make a shitload of money. Shitloads of money, dude. Shitloads of cash. That was my job when I got here.

They come in from Europe for gigs there. Yeah, I have rules with women. I won't fuck three types of chicks. Underage, married, or Russian chicks. Scared of Russians? Dude, one, they may not be there by choice. And two, you don't know, man. Those chicks are just as crazy, man.

They come in, they'll slice and dice some motherfuckers. Dude, the craziest bitch I ever used to fuck around with was a Ukrainian girl. Right? She was wild. I still beat off to that girl and they always want to get married like after like two months or like i need a ring put a ring on this finger yeah well she was a second generation but god damn this bitch was a freak they're like the craziest white girls out there they're crazy white girls but they're they're they're just like

they have a they're a much hardier stock than your average white girl. It's like, almost like, they're almost like a different species. And the men, too. You know, if you look at guys like Fedor or Igor Zinoviev or, you know, the fucking hard Russian men. You know, there's some fucking hard Russian men. They always have that country strength. Yeah. It's like, yeah, like a whole country full of Matt Hughes's.

They just fight, they look like they fight grizzly bears. It's tough. I mean, look, there's Russian pussies just like there's American pussies. There are all kinds of pussies in this world. But Russians are some fucking tough fucking people, man. Yeah, they are. They've been through some crazy shit. Armenians?

Armenians are nuts, bro. That's your people. Tough fucking people, man. A lot of Armenian fighters, dude. A lot of MMA fighters. A lot of Muay Thai people man yeah a lot of armenian fighters dude a lot of mma fighters a lot of muay thai armenian fighters a lot of medium boxers my taxi drivers when you think of when i moved la that was the weirdest thing because where i was from you know the armenians where i'm from are very like they look like white people right out here they're very persian army where you from upstate new york and they look

like white people they look if you looked at all my aunts you'd be like a couple of my aunts you'd be like well those are white people you would never know they were armenian where how did our armenia get its armenia how did uh armenian night how did uh they get their their like their ethnicity like where do they come from is it a mix of you know like filipinos or chinese and spanish like out here uh they're mostly uh persian armenian persian i mean they're like persians but the country adopted christianity so it became its own little thing and it never really got along with any of its like neighbors so it was so the persians came into iran and then became christians no the persians yeah well it was one whole thing i mean i mean yeah came into armenia and then became Christians? No, the Persians, yeah. Well, it was one whole thing. I mean, they came into Armenia

and then became Christians? Yeah. The country was the first country to ever adopt Christianity as its country's official religion. Okay, so there's the darker, more Middle Eastern-looking Armenians, and then there's more Eastern European.

Yeah, very light-skinned. Very light-skinned. you would never know do they take you the same way though because i know that there's like with mexicans there's a big difference in mexican well you get with mexicans you get dudes who look like oscar de la joya or salma hayek who look very spanish very european and then you get you know dudes who look more like indians really more like native americans. More like Native Americans. Because that's the real bloodline. Like the Mayans.

What about the one Mexican boxer who looks red-headed Irish? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That just fought on Mayweather. Louis C.K.? Did you hear his name? Yeah, Louis C.K.'s Mexican, too. Isn't that crazy? Louis C.K.'s Mexican?

Not born in Mexico, but he's Mexican. Wow. Yeah. I never knew that, but that's what, yeah. Well, he has a joke about how he's more Mexican than Carlos Mencia. And he really is. I mean, Louis is Mexican. Yeah.

Very fascinating. Full or just half? I don't know. Irish? I don't know. I don't know. I think it was dad. A lot of, I don't know.

He's got a lot of Mexican in him. But there's a very distinct look that some Mexicans have. You know, it's more of an American Indian look. Yeah. Sort of. When I went to Mexico City, I went to Mexico City to see Metallica, and we flew in,

and my friends were already there, and we didn't know what to do. So we're like, oh, no one's here to pick us up. We were like, we need a ride, so we find a taxi, and it gets shady, dude.

The taxi driver's like, follow me, man. And we walk through the airport, and as we get a taxi. And it gets shady, dude. The taxi driver's like, follow me, man. And we walk through the airport. And as we get through the airport, we keep walking. It gets more and more third world. So I'm not lying to you. Eventually, we're walking out the airport through this back alley where there's these chickens all running around. And I'm like, this is not going right, man.

And we got into the car. I made a video of it. And he drove around. And that's the worst thing you can do in Mexico City is get in a taxi because they will kidnap you. They'll drive you somewhere, they'll take you and they'll hold you for a couple days until they drain your ATM.

And if you're lucky, they'll let you come back. But I don't know, this guy liked us. We started talking about hookers and all that stuff because there's something about me whenever I land to do stand-up or do somewhere, I always ask, so what's going on in this town? And they always tell me

where the hookers are. Immediately, the first thing they always tell me is like, oh, you can get some girls over here. I don't know what it is. You seem like a party guy. I seem like a party guy,

but do I look like I need hookers? Yes. Yes. Really? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's cool. That's a cool superpower. You just look like you like them.

Like you could tell. Like, I don't want fun. I just want to talk to them. Yeah. And get to know them. Right. And the hooker whisperer. Yeah, Mexico is a very tricky place. Last time I was there, I was in Cancun.

It was a few years back. And I remember landing and walking through the airport and just all these people like coming at you to try to give you a ride. And I was like, wow, we had a ride already arranged. And I was like, this is gross, man. Like, you can't move through them. Like, I'm walking, pulling my bags, and like one after the other, you need a ride? You need a ride?

A ride, sir? Señor? A ride, señor? Holding up their fucking sign. And it's like, wow, this is weird. I'm uncomfortable here. You realize, like, whoa, they're playing by different rules. A 100%.

This is a third world country, son. You can call it Cancun all you want. You just landed in a place where laws don't apply. Everything's different. I mean, some laws apply, but it's not the same. Everything's run by fucking violent drug gangs. I mean, of course they have a military presence. Sure, they have police.

But the fucking drug gangs in Mexico are... They run everything. Everything. Near the border. You go to the border. They even have our weapons. They end up busting them with our military weapons. How ridiculous is that when you realize how

fucking nutty these government agents are. Did you hear about that? Was it called Operation Fast and Furious? Is that what it was? Do you think we give it to them? Yeah, because we'd like to destabilize regions. Is that what it is? You think they're trying to... Oh, 100%.

We play both sides. Their guns turned up in El Paso, too. The guns, they turned up in crimes that were used in El Paso. So the guns that the ATF sold to the Mexican drug traffickers, those fucking guns showed up in our country. So those guns

could have easily been used to kill American civilians because our fucking government is completely incompetent and retarded. 2,000 weapons were trafficked along the U.S.-Mexico border, and many were used in violent crimes in Mexico. In addition, two AK-47 semi-automatics involved in the program were recovered after a U.S. border agent was killed south of Tucson. Wow, a U.S. fucking border agent was killed with one of these weapons. So under the program dubbed Fast and Furious,

agents with the Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms and Explosives in the Phoenix field office allowed licensed firearm dealers to sell weapons to illegal straw buyers in the hope that the agents could track the weapons and arrest Mexican drug cartel leaders. That was their wacky, fucking, dopey-ass idea. They were going to allow the fucking Mexican drug cartels to get more weapons.

What? Did they have GPS things on them or something? Who the fuck knows? Because then that kind of makes sense. No, it doesn't. If you give a bunch of guns and you watch... That's dumb. They know where they are.

They already know where they are. They're where the drug guys are. They have fucking ranches, man. Dude, there's hours to be, bro. Yeah, they have billions and billions of dollars. And you never know. There was a whole theory that they want to really bankrupt Mexico.

You ever heard of the Amero? Did you buy into that at all? I heard about it. The whole thing was just weird. The Dobbs actually had it on CNN, I think. About just how they're trying to make Mexico's broke as shit and then america broke as shit and then bring down canada with us and then everything's our money's worth nothing that they just get rid of everything it's the amaro bro you think that's possible do you think the government actually plots to crash the economy i think it's absolute incompetence i don't think that they

plot to crash shit. I do think that powers that be crash the market so they can buy everything cheaper and then it goes back up and they buy more money. I definitely think that. Okay, yeah. Well, I definitely think that people short stocks and they manipulate the market and do stuff like that to get money, but that's not necessarily the same people that are the government. This is people that are involved in the market. The market sort of pays for the government

to get the government to do certain things their way that help them and aid them in stealing money and make sure there's a lot of clauses so they get away with a lot of shady shit completely legally, but I don't think they're plotting the fucking crash to the economy. I think that's kind of...'s my theory the you know the economy i think

that's kind of you ever watch the first 48 yes you ever see somebody kill somebody over 20 worth of crack yeah and you're like well those are just thugs and gals but they're people they're wired certain ways you're looking at the government you're looking at people who are dealing with billions if not trillions of dollars i i just don't think they're gonna let you know a flip of a coin decide where that money goes and that they could have some problem with manipulating shit i'm not saying that's what happens but i would never ever put it past somebody to manipulate something for a ton of money yeah maybe but you know what there's too many people would have to be involved in rigging the whole economy to collapse and then you'd have to figure

out who the hell's gonna profit on this and then you'd have to figure out who the hell is going to profit on this, and then you'd have to follow the money. There's no mystery why things collapsed. There's no mystery. There was a goddamn money grab, and they knew that it was temporary, and they went crazy, and they made the whole economy virtually based on nothing, based on nonsense, slowly but surely, not on gold not based on anything it's not based on craziness and then there's derivatives i read this matt taibbi article where he's talking about the derivative economy being like 100 times larger than the regular economy whatever the fuck

that means like it's it gets so fucking squirrely so they they know what what went wrong it's not like someone sabotaged it on purpose so they can profit from it and that they could slowly devalue the dollar so they can combine the countries together you know there's no profit in that man there's no there's no ultimate profit in creating one giant country there are listen i'm not saying that's what i'm saying that's the theory out there i'm not i it's beyond but i wouldn't i wouldn't put it past anybody i mean you're talking about because when they do that supposedly what's going to have to happen and this is such a radical thing but it would be like you would scrap the constitution you'd have to scrap the constitution and well they've sort of done that anyway they've sort of done that anyway slowly but surely but

this would be a direct like parts of freedom of speech parts of the second amendment the right to bear arms has been compromised significantly in this country and more and more now that uh they've they they were trying to do with the um vapor with um medical marijuana they're trying to make it so that if you have medical marijuana you're not allowed to possess a gun anymore or you're not allowed to buy a new gun it's ridiculous it's ridiculous they're they're fucking with people's rights inalienable rights as non-criminals in the united states of america as hunters, as people that want to go target shooting, it's whatever. You're saying because someone uses

medical marijuana, they shouldn't be allowed to? What about oxycodone? You got that on your list? No, you don't. Oh, go fuck yourself. You fucking criminals. They should go to jail for that, dude. Just for even suggesting that medical marijuana

should be something that you should lose your gun for and not oxycontin and not Vicodin and not a regular drinker. Fuck you, you criminal. 100%. It's so transparent, man. That is one of the most transparent pieces of corruption

the world has ever seen. The idea that the fucking ATF is going to go after potheads before they go after pharmaceutical companies, alcohol companies. You're going to go after people who smoke pot. They're the ones who can't have guns. Well, what about Obama and his administration now trying to

shut down all the dispensaries? Yeah, it's ridiculous. It's a bag of goods. It's all bullshit. They say it's the Department of Justice. But it's his guys in there. I guess they're not listening to him. I don't know. I mean, I don't know how that works.

I don't know how much say the president really has. I'm with you. That's what I think happens is he got in there. He wanted like, yes, we can. Got in there. It's the Bill Hicks whole thing. They showed him a different fucking view of the Kennedy assassination. I think it's even different than the Bill Hicks joke.

It's like instead he thought he was going to go there and he was going to get into an office and he was going to be able to change shit. And when he got there, there's a bunch of people feverishly working to patch up a hole in the middle of the universe. And they're like, listen, we can only keep this together for another fucking year or two. And it's going to blow. It doesn't matter if the economy goes. It doesn't matter if we get cancer. This fucking thing is going to blow.

There's a hole in the universe. We're trying to patch it up. We've got our boys holding it down. And they flew him out to fucking Area 51 in Nevada. And he looked at the hole in the universe and went, fuck. And then his hair slowly became gray. And he's like, what do you want to go after, Pot? Go after Pot.

What do you want to do? Fuck it. Who cares at this point? Pakistan? War with Pakistan? Fuck it. Why not? Iran?

Iran has bombs? Let's bomb them first. Fuck it. It's a goddamn hole in the universe. I saw it. Why not, dude? Why not? Why not?

He'd get gray quick, didn't he? Well, you know, he looks better. Black don't crack, that's for sure. He looks better than Bush. Oh, yeah. They decay because they start seeing shit that we don't even know about. They're just like, ah. You hear what Bill Clinton said, man?

One of the craziest things that he said about being in office was about the moon landings. He said that when he was a kid, just a couple months after the Apollo 11 landing, he said that it was amazing that man put a person on the moon, and he worked with this old carpenter. This old carpenter said that he thought that that was BS, and that those television fellows, he goes, I don't believe a word of it. Those television fellows can try to get you to believe anything. I don't believe man landed on the moon.

And he said, at the time, I thought that guy was a crank. try to get you to believe anything. I don't believe man landed on the moon. And he said, at the time, I thought that guy was a crank. He goes, but after eight years in the White House, just stop and think about that. What he said, after eight years in the White House, I start to think maybe he was ahead of his time.

This is the fucking president! The fucking president said that. Just imagine the shit that he saw, where he would even pretend that the moon landings possibly could have been faked. That he would even entertain that for a moment. I don't think we have a goddamn clue as to what really creepy shit is going on behind closed doors when the pharmaceutical companies talk about the amount of drugs that they produce every year that they need to sell and how they up the OxyContin every fucking year.

They've upped it so much since we've been in Afghanistan. What a coincidence. Afghanistan produces all the heroin, and that's where they're fucking getting it, and that's where they're making OxyContin, and we're over there protecting it. 100%. Hilarious.

And it's so funny that people don't believe any of that, that they can't sit there and fathom that their leaders might not have their best interest especially when you're talking about billions and billions and billions of dollars when you're talking about just ridiculous sums of money we're willing we're willing to do some creepy shit we're willing to do some creepy shit man yep and they don't give a fuck man yeah i always question authority man always i just think it's more fun it's interesting why keep make their jobs easy look but look how easily they can justify what they do like obama had there was some fucking

one of those speeches where uh they talked about uh you know where it was like obama had jokes written for him you know and he had a joke about his daughters and he said i have uh two words for you predator drone like he was joking about people dating his daughter that he will send a predator drone on you. It was kind of a fucked up joke. And then when you go look into how many people have died using predator drones, how many innocent people have died, hundreds of them,

including, I think it was like 150 children. Yeah, but isn't that the same as saying baseball jokes? 150 children have been killed by things that are ultimately under his control since he is the commander-in-chief of the United States Army and the United States Military Force, right? He's the commander-in-chief. 100%. So ultimately, he's at the top of the blame list.

150 babies were killed by missiles from a flying robot, and he's joking around about people dating his daughter. 100%. And here's the whole... I've said 100% a thousand times. And using predator drones to go after him. But here's the thing. It's back to hand-to-hand combat.

If you and I are going at it and you see I give up, there's a sense of like, okay, he's given up. But if you're a thousand miles away, you're not going to see me surrender. And it means there's no like... It's a detachment. Yeah. It's the same kind of detachment you get on the internet where you're allowed to use like a fake name like this guy could talk about tranny porn because he doesn't have to worry he's detached or someone could be mean to you and you know they don't worry about the social

repercussions of being mean to you because they don't say it's like a fuck you triple you fucking suck you always suck oh you read my comments no just youtube everybody gets those no he gets those well did you hear that the founder of Facebook, his sister, is trying to make it so people have to use their real names on the Internet? Don't know if it will ever happen. I don't like that. I think you should be able to do whatever you want. If you want to use your real name, use your real name.

If you don't, I think there should be places where you have to use your real name. My message board, I would like it if you had your real face and your real name, and that's what we saw. You can't make that happen? Well, I mean, I guess I could, but I don't want to be censoring people. And if that was the case, people wouldn't be able to post shit because of what they do for a living. There's some people that have asked me to change their screen names because somebody from work found out their screen name. So they asked me to change their screen name so that they couldn't get some fucking tattletattletale at work couldn't go yeah bob's talking about tranny porn that's what he does doesn't work look look at the times where he's logged on this is 4 p.m he's working at 4 p.m

he's talking about people do that shit man it's so much track tracking too nowadays like twitter facebook everything well you you post how many times have you used twitter would ask can use your location yeah dude my the my latest phone has that turned on immediately like i didn't even do it and like i'm like great did i just like tweet did you get a four s yeah yeah it has it has that shit on it yeah yeah it's creepy it is creepy it's just i mean i just think people are extra mean because there's no ramifications it's true and ultimately everything comes down to accountability that's what i think we get away from more and more and in this society especially in this country and which is you know my whole thing is i wish they would say that at occupy wall street or la is like

you want accountability man you want accountability for everything you do you know whether it's government whether it's your personal you know actions it's accountability and that's what they're asking for but no one will come out and say that on that thing so they all yeah put out their own somebody did something fucked up and the whole thing's falling apart and no one's going to jail that's a that's that's a sure sign that the justice system is not working properly a sure sign that our elected leaders are not going after the people that had created this problem 100 yeah i gotta stop saying that 100 100 you say 1000 too yeah i should say it's like a drinking game at this point people are anyone drinking shots at this point or just shit faced yeah can

you imagine in the future like if there was a movie that that that was like designed like probably like avatar or something like that, like CGI. And every time you watched it, going back to what you were talking about earlier, every time you watched it, a new scene was in the movie. And it was created randomly by a computer generator, kind of like Minecraft,

this video game. I'm sure that could be possible. I'm sure that's going to happen. You could sit down and watch Star Wars, like a whole new version of Star Wars every time you watch it. Or it becomes like a choose-your-own-adventure movie where it's like different choices give you a different ending to the script. Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely, man. The future is going to be very strange when it comes to what you can create, artificial environments that you can create. The real question to me is like what is going to win? Is it going to be human stupidity or is it going to be technology? It's like, it's almost like there's a race to a final conclusion. I take it it's technology. Maybe, but we're also invading Pakistan and Iran's got nukes and, you know, and they're fucking with the Large Hadron Collider and some new laser they're proposing to build in Britain

that could punch a hole through space-time. There's a weird race going on. And at the same time, you know, look at what's going on in the Congo. Look at what's going on in the Congo. Look at what's going on in Mexico. Look at what's going on in so many different parts of the world where human lives are just falling apart. Human civilization falling apart. Chaos. You know, just ultimate chaos you look at like watch like documentaries on parts of africa and you would swear this is a post-apocalyptic right vision yeah things they do like warlords like just hacking orphans just to uh get their

spirit i mean it's crazy eating the flesh of uh innocent children on the enemy side to to to be like invulnerable in battle. Some of the stuff that I watched, documentaries on Liberia, they've stained my brain forever, man. Cannibalism, rampant, rampant cannibalism. We're going to have Shane Smith on the podcast from Vice TV. He's one of the guys who went to Liberia. Is he the guy who went to North Korea, too? Yeah, he's gone everywhere.

Who's telling me about that recently? I love this dude. I'm so excited. I can't wait to have this guy on. I'm fucking so fired up. He's been everywhere. He was just in Beirut. He travels all over the world,

the darkest parts of the world. He says he has to get new passports all the time because he brings his passport. I go, what the fuck? Iraq? Afghanistan? What are you doing? He's like, I'm a reporter. For what?

He's like, VBS? They're like, CBS? He's like, no, VBS., what are you doing? And he's like, I'm a reporter. And then they're like, for what? He's like, VBS. And they're like, CBS? He's like, no, VBS. Like, the fuck is VBS? So whenever he goes somewhere dark, he just gets a new passport. You're better off. Jason Tebow was telling me about his one in North Korea and how crazy North Korea is. Yeah, well, he said he's got some North Korea.

He said NK slave footage. I didn't even know what that meant. But then the internet schooled me. North Korea douche. And I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. People are like, you seriously? didn't even know what that meant, but then the internet schooled me. North Korea douche. I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. People are like, you seriously? They don't know what it is.

I didn't know. I started trying to think of what that meant. I never associated North Korea with slaves for some reason. I didn't think that there would be slaves. Dude, I guarantee that happens more and more and more and more. You know, and that's the whole thing about this whole free trade where they move these businesses over these third worlds. Take your phone off the table. Brian, take your phone off the table.

Everybody keeps, you know, lowering, lowering prices. Eventually, the labor is going to be to the point where they don't even want to pay for labor. They keep the prices so low. Right. Slavery is going to happen. Well, I mean, you know, look, we're willing to do that to dolphins. Yeah. Why not Chinese people?

I don't understand them either. You know, I mean, that's really how people look. If if you ever go to china you'll have the best time ever china is the shit dude what'd you do in china i did stand up really i idea it was the best time i mean steve burn or steve burn and i we went to beijing shanghai loved it dude did you perform to americans expats how many people were in the crowd? Different shows were different size. Is it all white people in the crowd or did some Chinese people

come too? Everything. Really, everything. What was the percentage of white people to Chinese people? Well, at our shows it was very high.

It was like... Mostly white people? It was like 80% white. Wow. You know, but it was amazing. Really? I had such great time.

Nicest people ever. Chinese are the nicest people ever. Really? are the nicest people ever. Really? And I just learned. It's like everybody's the same. It's just you've got governments, and they're fighting with each other over resources. Yeah, the resources problem in China is really a problem.

That's a funny thing, that whole factory thing in China. We had a thing on the podcast where I was trying to figure out is there a karma free cell phone is there they're a cell phone that i can get where i don't feel bad about owning it turns out there's not why do you feel bad about owning it i feel bad that someone has to make fucking 15 cents an hour to make something yeah i said that they should have uh an iphone called the i karma and the iKarma is made in America and they pay the people a real wage and you can pay twice as much yeah it cost twice as much and a lot of people like fuck you douche I could barely afford my phone now who are you fucking good so much that's not what I'm saying dude I'm not talking

about you if you want to I'm not judging you but I'm saying it would be nice for me if I knew that this was made by people who were paid for their labor a really fair price so that they could afford to go on vacation, so they could afford to live in a nice place, so they could afford to have food. I think if you fucking work all day, you should not have issues. You should not have issues like, I'm homeless. You should not have issues like, oh, I can't afford health insurance. If you're working all day, your day should be worth something.

Well, and that's why I think the whole thing is going to collapse, because not just in America, but around the world, because here you're taking these jobs from here, where you're paying a living wage, and you're taking it over here, and you're not paying a living wage. You're paying next to nothing. So the people over here can't buy anything, and now the people over here can't buy anything.

So who's going to buy the goods? Well, the real question is, yeah, who can buy? But the real question is, how can you compete? How can you make something in this country? That's what tariffs are for, and that's why the administration just signed three new huge free trade agreements. They say they're as big as NAFTA, and they're going around on a job-creating bill,

and you just sign that free trade thing. We're screwed, man. Yeah, and stuff like that is where people really get the motivation. That's the inspiration to think that this is a rigged system, to think that this is some sort of Illuminati plan to slowly crash the economy, things like that, free trade agreements. But I think it's just a fucking money grab. It's just greedy cunts.

It's stock market stuff. it's just greedy cunts corporations market stuff corporations and greedy cunts and the problem is the corporations they found out that the you know the chinese and all these different industrious nations all around the world are willing to work harder longer hours for less money and then thus they can produce shit cheaper and because they found out that it's like they're like, well, we have to compete. If you want these American jobs, our whole business is going to go under unless you move at least our factories over there. And they go, okay, okay, okay. Move your factories over there, but sell your Nikes over here. You've got to have some Nike employees over here. Right, 100%.

And over there, I guess the stuff's cheaper to sell in terms of what Chinese are buying the same goods as us. We pay way more because we supposedly have a higher standard of living. But eventually, that's going to have to go down too, right? I mean, if we're not having those jobs and we're all working at Walmart making like $7 an hour, we can't afford to buy a $150 phone or something like that. Did you eat any wacky shit when you were in China? Did you eat any bugs or anything? No, they had squirrel at one of the restaurants.

I just didn't want to eat it. Did you have any Chinese chicks? She was pretty normal here. What's that? Did you sleep with any of them? No, I banged an Israeli chick. In China? Yeah.

Great. That doesn't count. In China, huh? Yeah. And what was she doing over there? She was working for some company, and she had established some kind of, you know, she had a business over there. People go over there.

It's like the Wild West. They're moving there. They're trying to set up businesses, and, you know, it's awesome, though, man. But what they did in China, someone was just telling me. I think there's something badass about that, about moving to another country. It's Wild West, bro.

Well, it's like your reality just completely shifted. Even moving to fucking Hawaii is kind of crazy. But goddamn, man, moving to China? Woo! Dude, I had the best time. And the driving is crazy. They'll turn anything into a car. They're totally racist, the Chinese.

They don't give a shit. They're totally racist. I used to, give a shit they're totally racist i used to when i was there i had a full beard i looked middle eastern they don't like middle easterns because they think they're all drug dealers there so i couldn't get a car sometimes a taxi so the only guy that would pick us up one time was this dude who drew drove what looked like they took a hot dog vending machine and turned it into a car and it literally had like the most jankiest like shift changing device and i you'll never scream more in your life like a little girl than when you drive through china through beijing or shanghai because they don't follow the lights i've seen so many chinese traffic accidents online you don't have

to convince me i've seen people get run over by cars in China. Oh, what about that little girl? I couldn't watch it. I couldn't watch it. It just makes me sad. That's an overpopulation thing, man. It's just like they've done population density studies on rats, and the same thing happens. You get too many of them in one place, and they devalue each other. That's what's going on,

man. You can't jam that many fucking human beings into one spot and expect everybody to think that everybody's precious, because these precious things are in my fucking way. So no one cares, man. Yeah, I remember reading that in college, man. They started running in gangs. They started, like, one guy, you know, they had, yeah, it got really shady. Like, rats just with mental problems.

Yeah, some of them huddled in the corner. The rats, they would huddle in the corner and just rock themselves back and forth, back and forth. Just going nuts, man. You know, you look at some human behavior and you got to go, God damn, how the fuck can we ever prevent this? What the hell happened here? What is this discovery?

You know, I was watching this. I tweeted this video about this woman who was a pioneer in scat porn. It's rough and if you read my tweets read it but don't click on the link there's a link there's a pioneer by choice yes yes yes okay she's one of the first well she's you know she's an expert at it she's that's what she does but she eats shit she eats it and swallows it and she was talking about how she loves being stuffed with shit dude it, it's dark. I would love to have her on my podcast. Like, I want to interview those people.

She's in German. She speaks German. I would love to interview those people. It's German in this video, but dude, she has a website. Somebody tweeted the website, so I retweeted it. If you see the retweet,

don't click it. I'm telling you right now, don't do it. Because this woman is just smeared in shit in these videos. And she has people's shit in her mouth and she chews it and swallows it. And they asked her, how much shit do you think you've eaten over the course of your life? She's like, oh, several bathtubs full.

Well, what about the guy who used to go on Stern or like to get thrown up on? That's nothing, dude. This bitch is eating bathtubs full of human shit. Someone likes to get thrown up on? Is that worse to you than throw up? Shit's worse than throw up? They're both equally bad. Shit's way worse than throw up.

When we did Opie and Anthony, we were there for the infamous Baby Bird. It was me and Ari. You weren't there for Baby Bird when the guy threw up in the guy's mouth. This fucking dude, I forget his name. That's right there, bro. Pat from Minaki. No, not Pat. Pat from Minaki, but the other guy. What the fuck forget his name. That's right there, bro. Pat from Munaki. No, not Pat. Yeah, Pat from Munaki, but the other guy.

Smith. What the fuck's his name? Pat Duffy. Pat Duffy was the other guy who let them throw up in his mouth. So there was an eggnog eating contest, and I don't remember how many shots he had, but it was something insane. It was almost a gallon.

I think the human body can only have a gallon of milk, or two gallons of milk. It was like 70 shots or something like that. Oh, that is horrible. Something insane. So anyway, he does that. And then we were trying to figure out what to do because he knew he was going to throw up. And then we suggested that one of the interns lean his head over the dumpster, over the garbage bucket, and open his mouth and let the dude throw up in his mouth like a baby bird feeding getting fed by an intern

ever let yeah that guy's now where is he where's that guy right now he did a bunch of other shit too he he brushed his teeth with dog shit oh yeah you're all in in that open anthony world at that point that's where you're gonna be working and that's where you're gonna you can't go it's like the girl got shit on yeah it's like it's gonna be hard for her if she didn't choose to get shit on yeah but she's still gonna be the girl who got shit on that's why It's like, it's going to be hard for her. Yeah, she didn't choose to get shit on. Yeah, but she's still going to be the girl who got shit on. That's why it's so tragic.

It's not the same as this Pat Duffy guy. Yeah. This guy is crazy. I'm with you. That's crazy. Where do you go if you're Pat Duffy?

Well, there's those guys out there, man. There's those guys out there that will run up to me and poop me on a fucking fear factor, bro. Eat anything. There's a few of those guys

that just, they're willing to do it. Look, jackass guys. They're willing to do anything for the joke. This fucking Johnny Knoxville stood in front of a bull with a blindfold on? He really did. He really did that.

He's a goddamn movie star. He was in a movie with The Rock. This guy stood in front of a bull with a blindfold on and let that bull launch him through the air like a sheet. Steve-O did the last movie completely sober because I knew back in the day they were popping Vikes and just bang killers so they couldn't feel. He did this one completely sober because I knew back in the day they were popping vikes and just bang killers so they couldn't feel he did this one completely sober I'm like that's some crazy ass shit man god it's horrible yeah well then he broke his nose on the the roast yeah he ran into Mike Tyson's

fist he's the nicest guy man I just feel like I guess that's his thing that's his thing to let Mike Tyson break his nose well his whole thing is he does stunts. That's not a stunt, dude. A stunt is like... It's like cutting yourself with Mike Tyson's fist. You jump a motorcycle and you land it and everybody cheers. That's not a stunt. That's like saying I'm going to drive my motorcycle into a wall.

It's a stunt. That's not a stunt. You're crashing. You're hurting yourself on purpose. I've done that. You have? Yeah, on my Spike show. Oh, that's right.

World Spike. Yeah. That was a fun show, right? It kit cope and ellis yeah jason ellis what did you guys do just did everything jackass type shit uh well yeah i mean later on i because i never really watched jackass but later on i watched the show i'm like oh they got that from that they kind of it was kind of like toosh.0 meets Jackass. That was the premise of the show. And, yeah, I did some crazy shit, man. The worst thing was we had to make a sandwich while the other guys were like eight feet away with paintball guns. And we had nothing on. And we were just getting shot by paintball guns.

And I would feel bad. And I would, like, do it slowly. Those guys didn't give a fuck. They were sav were savage boom boom boom boom i'm getting nailed i was the first time i wanted to quit the show i was like i'm done dude fuck this show i never want to do this guy i i didn't even know we were doing stunts on the show i just thought i got hired to talk shit about videos and that's what i'm good at i could just who told when did the stunts become a part of the show well the next day i show up they're like okay you got the gig i'm like oh cool that's great fucking i gotta show on spike i show up there goes here's what you're gonna be doing i'm like what because i didn't they didn't never mention that in the audition and i got it

through going with steve burn he never mentioned that and you can't say no well yeah i need to get on television at that point. You know, so it's like, fuck it. That's how you felt? You felt like you had to say yes, right? Yeah. You're too close. I loved Spike.

I was a cool channel. Yeah, but you didn't want to do it, right? You didn't want to do it. You didn't think that's what you were going to do. But once you got there, you're like, god damn, I need this fucking TV show. Yep. Wow. Yep.

I was headlining clubs when I got in. Did it make a big difference? It did. Did you do clubs and shit like that? Yeah, I was headlining clubs when I got in. Did it make a big difference for you? Clubs and shit like that? Yeah, I was headlining clubs. So did you ever try to do something else like that again? I would never do a stunt show again. Really? Yeah.

So when it was canceled, you were happy? Even though you were off TV, you were happy? No, I wasn't happy. So you would do it again? No, now, if they continued, then I would have done it, but I wouldn't do it now. If they called me back, hey, we're going to do another show, I wouldn would do it again no they call you up again if they if they continued then i would have done it but i wouldn't do it now if they call me back hey we're gonna do another show i wouldn't do it have you seen shock fights uh jason ellis's no no no this is some shit i don't know where the fuck it's happening i don't know it looks like it's in cuba i don't know who came up with this but there's these guys in a ring and they have fucking fist they have things on their fists that

are electrocuting each other like tasers on their knuckles. But they're punching each other with tasers. That's awesome. A guy knocks a guy out with a fucking taser on his hand. That's badass. It's crazy. They're throwing kicks and they're stomping each other on the ground. Yeah, he wears dog collars.

And he has the crowd just... Yeah, zaps him. That's just... Oh, man. He's willing to do some stuff that I don't understand. But this shock fights is like, man, how far are we from throwing a dude with a sword into an arena with a lion? How far away is that? Well, not that far.

I'm sure in third world countries it's going to happen sooner than you think. Because there was a thing where a guy was going to have a fucking sword fight. There was a, I think, was a guy going to fight a lion? It was a Greek guy or something like that. I forget what the whole story was. But I was like, I remember this thing. It was either a sword fight or he was going to fight a wild animal or something like that. But I remember thinking, okay, this is how it starts.

Because it starts where people hear about it on the internet. And then they go, oh, okay. And then somewhere, wherever the fuck it is, where life's not that expensive. Hi, Tijuana. Somewhere along those lines, they set up an arena. And they just say, well, instead of bullfights, now we're going to have people wearing armor

and they're going to fight lions. And I'm rooting for the lion every time. Wow, maybe. How do you not root for the lion? Maybe the guy has children he can't feed and he's fucking willing

to get in there with the lion. But the lion has no choice in being there. For sure. I mean, the guy has a choice, but I still root for the person. I'm on team people, bitch. I'm on team lion, bro. Really? I have to, man. I just like, the lion's not choosing to be there. Sure. I mean, the guy has a choice, but I still root for the person. I'm rooting for the lion. I'm on team people, bitch. I'm on team lion, bro.

Really? I have to, man. I just like, the lion's not choosing to be there. He's not, but he's going to kill the person. It's not like the person. Well, how's that any different than the killer whale? That's stuck in the- Lions are dumb.

Lions aren't smart. It's not that much different, but lions are not, you know, lions are just fucking there to remove shit. So it's mental capacity? Not only that, yes. Whether it's going to be a crime or not? Not that i feel like lions are part of our domain whereas killer whales we have to go into their world and pull them out of their world and cap they don't interact with us on a regular basis unless we get on boats and enter into their world lions on the other hand

they want you mean you're in africa like they a friend of mine was in africa and while he was there some guy got killed. It came into a camp. It came into the camp. The lion came into the camp while the dude was in the fucking shower and dragged him out of the shower. Two female lions. What? What?

So lions can suck my dick, okay? Lions can go fuck themselves. But there's a killer whale. A guy surfing killer whale comes up and whoops some ass. No, they don't. They don't. No one's been killed by killer whales up and whoops his ass. No, they don't. They don't. No one's been killed by killer whales. Not only that, they help people.

They've actually saved people when they're drowning. Killer whales aren't sharks. If it's sharks, I can see your point. Sharks can suck my dick. You can take a shark and throw it in a fish tank all day long. I don't have a feeling for a shark. Okay. But killer whales are super intelligent.

Okay, I'll accept that. And they save people. But I think that when you're, you know, I'm not saying you should have Christians versus the lions. I'm not saying you should fucking arm dudes and send them in and, you know, have a sword fight with the lions. But I am saying if it goes down, I'm rooting for the fucking person. I think, I want to know, can you kill a lion with a sword?

Can you be armored up and kill a fucking lion with nothing but a sword? And if that guy can do it, good for him, man. I just... You might not be able to. You might not be able to. You might not be able to. A lion might just jack you every time. If you want two dudes from death row fighting to the death, I'm fine with that.

Really? Just fighting an animal. I just don't... You know, it's like... I get like... I don't think you should do it. Yeah. But if you do do it, I'm rooting for the person.

All right. And then we'll put 20 bucks and I'm always going for the lion. Really? Yeah. I'm always rooting for the lion, too. Why is that, Brian? Same exact reasons. Hmm. But what if you found out the guy was, like, super poor?

Do you have a black eye, Brian? No, I just don't sleep. Why is it black? It looks under that thing like you just got rocked in your eyeball. That's the hiv. It's coming out of his eyeballs. Yeah, it's coming out. It's all right, dude.

You had fun while you lasted. No, but I agree with Sam on that. I think even if they showed me the story of this poor, sad guy, he has a choice. Yeah, he has a choice to fuck that lion up, and I'm rooting for him. All right. We might not interfere with whales because we haven't moved there yet,

but if you went back thousands and thousands of years, we're in lion territory right now. Sort of. I mean, there were some sort of big cats here. Sabertooth tigers, I think. Yeah. I think there was lions. Well, actually, there was.

There was a North American lion a long, long fucking time ago. Now, if a man's walking through a jungle and a lion comes, I'm rooting for the guy. Okay. I'm rooting for the guy. But when you grab the lion, you have very specific rules. Yeah. If you're forcing a lion to be there with no choice where it's not naturally going to be there and it could die because you're you're trying to make 20 it's like it's like why

people didn't like uh dog fighting it's like you know especially when you have a dog like i've said dude i'm not saying you should do it but i'm saying if you do do it i'm gonna root for you i'll smack an animal though and i heard it though just like well you got discipline your dog we slap a hippo you see that woman has like a hippo for a pet? Oh, my God. Yeah. I read some article on it. She has a hippo for a pet.

It's going to come and get you. It's eventually going to turn on you. Is it a male? I didn't read whether it was a male. I just saw the female. She can keep it together for a little while. If it's a male, it's going to be biting people in half. They bite crocodiles in half, dude.

Yeah. Hippos. 100%. I was going to say. What happened, Sam? bite crocodiles in half, dude. Yep. Hippos. 100%. I was going to say. What happened, Sam? Why is this 100%? I don't know, man. I'm just agreeing with you.

What'd you get on your test, Sammy? 100%. You A-plus student. No. So this weekend you're in La Jolla. If people want to go see you at the Comedy Store, La Jolla, who are you working with down there? I'm working with Steve Simone. Ah, beautiful.

Yeah, and Tony Hinchcliffe. Hey, guys. They just had a couple gigs fall out. I was supposed to be in sale, but then I'm going to be December 1st. We're going to have the Naughty Show at the Comedy Store. Powerful. Think Joe Rogan should make a return? Can't go.

Sorry. We can do it. Good luck in Satan's Asshole. You can do it. Yeah, I could do it, but I'm not going to. Good luck. You won. I don't ever need to go back to that place. You don't. You don't.! I could do it, but I'm not going to. Good luck. You won. I don't ever need to go back

to that place. You don't. There's no win contest. What won is the art form of comedy won. But the comedy store absolutely fucking picked the wrong side. So they can go fuck themselves forever. They're all fucked up. Like the Laugh Factory, that place is sick.

You have a problem with that place? Oh, 100%. They're doing naughty comedy now. The improv's awesome. I love the improv. When I started going going over the improv i felt like it was better for my act anyway i feel like the comedy store is so dark and angry that i think a lot of that shaped my material it's changed bro has it really and i don't mean that to be like it's different it's not like you leaving was it it changed really yeah now it's much like more depressing yeah i mean like it's not the same as it used to be what was it like what's the difference it's uh i think it's like the the acts aren't you know i used to watch you know monsters on stage and just guys who were like fuck man i don't see that as much anymore it's not what it used to be there's a couple young

guys i think are bringing it, but it's not, you know, it's like now it's TV credit land. How did it make that change? I don't know, man. You know, I think it's weird how they use the same people over and over again. Well, that was something that changed too. Yeah, but now they've definitely opened the door, but it just seems like i've gotten there on some nights where these people are in the main room at eight o'clock on like a wednesday or thursday or whatever and i was like this person

sucks so bad he shouldn't even be in the belly room yeah he's in the main stage really the problem is that what what made that place great and it was never perfect but what made it great was that you could be somebody who was an unknown and you could get up on stage there and start honing your crap those days are done you know there's certain things going on there we're like apparently if you're on chelsea lately you know that's a sign that you've arrived and you see like a lot of people who do that panel now in the lineup and that's a great show and she's done great for like blowing up some of my friends but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to crush in that or which has

its own voodoo you know so well there's nothing wrong with putting people that are coming up but you got to put them in between some really good talent and the problem is they have some talent that really doesn't work anywhere else they have some people there that can't get spots anywhere but they're grandfathered in somehow and they've got jokes that are literally 30 years old that really doesn't work anywhere else. They have some people there that can't get spots anywhere, but they're grandfathered in somehow, and they've got jokes that are literally 30 years old. I mean, there's some people that tell some jokes, and you haven't seen them in a decade,

and then they'll go through, they act the same fucking way. And you know they don't get that many spots, because there's a gang of them, so they don't put them up every week, but they'll put them up every few weeks, or every three or four weeks, and you would sit there and you'd see them and some of them would be like bitter and shit and and you know and thinking there's something wrong with these young kids and they suck and You know our generation was better and you're like god you're an Indian. You're not even really a fucking comedian

Do you understand this? Yeah, I do see that. I see that a lot I so weird to like all the waitresses it used to be waitresses Oh, you know only girls waitresses now there's girls and guys it's just like the whole the whole thing is but the waitresses are hot dude the gay guys want candy too they want some candy too bro gay guys want candy that's yeah why should gay guys have uh waiters while you can look at the waitress do you have to fuck them all brian yes brian have you tried to fuck any of the waitresses not yet brian is in a committed relationship sort of kind of right now how's that going great

is it all working out yeah she's a very nice girl she's a very nice girl I have not even been home in two days wow two days

because you're setting up that place studio yeah for the last three days straight wow why didn't you come and crash at your pad I crashed up in the studio

you slept there why didn't you come over for like I took naps crashed up in the studio. Why didn't you come over? I took naps there for like an hour or two and then I'd wake up. Is Jaden Cole back dooring you? Huh? Is Jaden Cole back dooring you? Trying to steal your chick? Sam Tripoli is so deep deep in the world of

porn. Yeah. I'm not really. You say the full name like as if everybody knows. Well he knows her. Yeah he knows but there's 500,000 people that don't. But you, you're so deep into the world of porn. You just go with it. You just go with it.

That's true. Yeah, who knows more porn stars than you? You're in that world, bro. People think I'm the porn whisperer. I'm really not. You're not? I'm not really.

You know a lot of them, man. You get them to come on your naughty shows all the time. I do know that. And if anybody's never seen the naughty show, what's the website?

Well, it's coming back up. It's being redesigned right now but it's the naughty comedy show.com and uh the best way to get a hold of you is what sam tripley on twitter on twitter twitter sam tripley on facebook or uh my email but you're uh those those are fucking those are fun shows he's got these naughty shows are just he's got a bunch of really good comedians but he's also got video clips and they do games they fuck around with audience, and they always have porn stars who do things. I don't know what they do. They do, like, big appearances. They show up, and you know what?

You know what, man? I know it sounds crazy and, like, they are who they are, but at the end of the day, they're really not that different than comedians. And if you really sat down and you had a conversation, you'd be like, wow, that's exactly what comedians do. They just have something that's kind of more taboo in society yeah than guys and you know they're most of them are just straight business people a lot of them are well that's sort of how they justify doing it too they sort of go into this business mode and that always weirds me out like there's two types of porn stars there's like the the the flighty doesn't know any better, super hot porn star that just gets work because she's hot. And then there's this super ambitious career woman porn star.

Yeah, those kind of get me in a weird way. I'm like, wow, this is a strange animal. This person is working hard to create all this porn and they're real focused and shit. Hey, if you can blow up and and you think podcasting is saturated porn is saturated there's a everybody's a porn star nobody's making money in it how many porn stars are there i mean there's more probably one out of seven now i think there's more porn stars and comedians in la i would i wouldn't doubt it oh yeah just the camming thing alone when you find out that... Check this out.

I don't know if you knew this. If you're 18 years old and you need money, there is a way to block the whole state you live in. If you live in California, you block California and you can block certain cities and then you can cam where you can make $5 a minute,

$10 a minute. They have these things where you have 20 people in the same room and they're all chipping in more and more for you to stay in these rooms and these girls are making thousands a night from just sitting on their fucking ass masturbating and doing nothing but that it's it's like it's it's basically it's taking advantage of the whole primal caveman girl female relationship. It's like when you go to a strip club and the stripper makes eye contact. She does all the stuff that if you're at a normal club that lets a girl know she's interested in you. So you make moves.

So they do all that. They trick you in all that shit. And all they want you to do is buy lap dances from them. Well, that's the weirdest thing about strip clubs is that the roles are don't and men who have never been or don't usually go they don't know how to deal with it you get there and all of a sudden the women are pursuing you and they're super aggressive about it like well you want to well you want to dance so for a lot of guys they just melt and like fall into it and next thing you know they're broke you know because the whole dynamic has just been shifted and they don't understand like they're they're not they haven't

built up a resistance for it they They don't have the immune system for a strip club. You have to have a social immune system. That's the whole thing about the naughty show is just like, I like to explore

that side of the world. It's not just sexual either. It's just like, I like the crazier side of life. Yes. And just like, what makes everybody different

and the stuff that everybody wants, that everybody does in the shadows, it's like, a lot of people are doing it. Why isn't anyone talking about it? And not that, like, I don't like sex out in the open. I wants, that everybody does in the shadows, it's like a lot of people are doing it. Why isn't anyone talking about it? And not that, like, I don't like sex out in the open. I mean, meaning like,

I don't think porn stars should be like Oscar award winners. I don't think, I think everybody has their place, but I don't think it's something you should have to be ashamed of where like someone finds something out about you and now you're like the town like. Well, you're just so used to it. To most men, the last thing they want is evidence that their woman has fucked some other dude not just fuck some other

dude but he went ass to mouth on her and shot a load up her nose well that's a whole that's a whole different thing you're talking about guys going on everywhere man guys who date porn stars i'm just saying that you know you don't judge them if you don't judge them or if you met a girl and then she wanted to date then you found out that she was a porn star fuck yeah you judge her well that's not what you're into yeah if you're not into it you're like fuck yeah but that's nothing you could do it could you could you could i date a porn star it depends on the porn star then what she did so stupid hot it depends on what she did what if she came home smelling like loads no then i couldn't do that but you know he dates a girl who does lesbian porn. Lesbo stuff is okay, right?

Which is a weird thing. But I could also see where some like Aiden, who's married to Bella Donna, he's cool with watching her just get – I don't think she does it anymore, but she's just getting rocked by brothers. I don't think it's ever cool. I think even the guys that say it's not cool is still – I think there's guys who are into that. It is cool.

It's not cool. There are guys that are into it. I'm not saying It's not cool. There are guys that are into it. I'm not saying everybody's into it. I'm not even saying it's normal. People evolve, man. And sometimes they just, look, when guys go to prison, they all of a sudden develop a desire to fuck men. You know why?

Because they evolve. They adapt. They adapt to the situation. And if the only way you can get a chick like Bella Donna is to let black guys cum in her ass, You go, all right, let's do this. Yeah, but that's from your perspective. I totally understand that. You're right.

But he may be into it. I'm just saying. Could be, yes, but could be. That's the only way it's going to work. Cock holding has been around forever. Yeah, it's true, too. Yeah, that's a weird thing. And there's guys who just enjoy watching their girls get rocked by monsters.

A buddy of mine said that he met met this girl at a party and she was really hot and she was coming on to him and then all of a sudden this dude came over and introduced himself as the husband and the guy's like oh what the fuck and the guy was like no man it's cool it's cool it's cool we swing it's cool it's cool and he was like oh wow he goes if i didn't have a couple drinks with me i would have never done this but then next thing you know they're in this outside patio and this chick is blowing him while the husband gives instructions. The husband was giving instructions while his wife is sucking. Really?

Yeah. Wow, maybe this guy's black, too. Maybe it's just a thing that happens with black guys and white women and white husbands. Zorba, this comedian told me that. The cuckolding thing, a lot of the issue is black men and white guys. White guys like black men to fuck their wives and because they think it's like this like really just like degrading kind of thing like sexually they're like oh that's so dirty you know yeah he was like saying okay make him come

make him come make him come in your mouth and he's like he goes part of me just wanted to get up and run away but it was too late because i was drunk and this girl was already blowing me and he goes the girl was hot if the girl wasn't hot he would have just given up but it was just one of those like what am i doing the guy's like rub his balls runs his ball he's like i got this dude you know i'm good we don't need your help we don't need your help she could blow me but you can't you can't talk back when i lived in vegas that was like i i was at this one casino and they tried to pick me up they were swingers oh they're like hey what's up what's up this girl's hitting on me was she hot yeah she's vegas hot they're like kind of vegan yeah slutty back then i love that shit well now i love that shit what am i talking about i love that i'm not judging it now

i'm into like librarians yeah i'm into whatever brother so uh yeah and i'm like what are you gonna do coach are you gonna sit in the corner yelling out plays? I can handle that shit. It would just be weird to hump why somebody else is watching. You could handle that if a guy was doing that? No, I couldn't. Couldn't, yeah. But I've had threesomes where it's like the devil threesome where it's like you and your buddy railing a chick.

Yeah, but that's a buddy. That's not a guy's husband or girl's husband, rather. Yeah, he's not sitting there judging and giving me scores and calling out plays. I just think the moment you come, you would just want to run away so badly you know the post nut syndrome effect would be so hard the depression that must just set in how many women will never understand this but there's many times in a man's life where your dick will convince you that this is what you should be doing and then you know that she's kind of gross, or you're kind of gross, or the situation's gross, or she shouldn't be doing it,

but somehow you're like, yeah, let's just fucking do this. And then when you come, the realization that you've been tricked, there's nothing in the world like it. It really, it's a terrifying feeling. It's like all of a sudden you have woken up in the middle of a reality that you've created while you were under a trance. It's like Quantum Leap? Yeah. You're just like, middle of a reality that you've created while you were under a trance. Like quantum leap? Yeah.

You're just like, okay, what's the situation here? What did I just do? Well, it's like you wake up for, you know, I do a bit about it, how you like, it's like you're, normally you're driving your life until you have a hard-on. And then when you have a hard-on, it's like you're sitting in the back seat of a really long bus. And some other dude is driving it. That's what it's like. And you're like, where did we go? What the fuck are we doing?

Where are we going? And then when you come, all of a sudden you wake up and you're at the front of the bus holding the wheel again. You're like, oh, okay, now I got to get myself out of this fucking mess? You got me in here, you dick. 100%. Oh, God, there it went. I said it again. You did say it again. Hurry up back, Brian. We're going to wrap this bitch up. Where are you going, Brian? He's got a little girl's bladder.

He's got a little girl's bladder. Oh, yeah. Brian's such an interesting cat, isn't he? He is. He'll just tell you he can't follow things. He doesn't. And it's very interesting. We have a podcast. I know how excited Brian is about the guest by how interactive he is.

If he's not talking to the guest, which makes me nervous right now because he hasn't talked at all while I've been here. We've both been chatting up a storm. Yeah, we're two chatty Cathy's here. But he just sits there quietly. It's like, come on, be interactive with me, dude. And he's like, no, I always got to have a girl. It's almost like I got to bring meat to a beast. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I always got to have a girl in the room. And when you bring a girl, then he's more interactive. Oh, you can tell if he likes the porn star. 100%. He won't even let me talk. He cuts me off. He starts running the interview.

This is why Brian is so fucking interested in podcasting. It's because all of a sudden it's put him in contact with all these freaks. Right. Do you remember when I did... It's got a steady supply. Even though I met both of the girls I've dated off the podcast. Sort of, but... No, we didn't even have a podcast when I met the first one.

But you met the first one through comedy. Yeah. Sort of very similar. Do you remember when I did your podcast the first time and he was talking about how he thought podcasting was a new casting couch and we both laughed at him and then it's true it's like you know you can you can work that to get some chicks you're like hey i'm well that's the thing about a lot of porn stars they're looking to promote their shit they're looking to promote like weekends at clubs just like a comedian is you

know when they go on the road like brian went on the road with his girl and he's like it's just like a comic like you go and you have shows and you know you get paid and the club owner's kind of a dick it's like all the same i bet the same shit the first date of dating a porn star usually goes so do you have any html skills you know like they say to you they try to get you to do their websites i've always found the most successful girls have somebody in their life who runs all that stuff. Of course, yeah.

Yeah, it's, you know, they take some guy who they know is not going anywhere and that guy will start managing them and taking them on the road and, you know,

be their bodyguard and hold their money and make sure the guys can't finger them while they're up there sticking their asshole in their face. Because that's what it is.

So they're taking martial arts. So Brian had to go, hey, no fingering, guys. Hey, guys. Get out of there. Come on with your dirty fingernails and your butthole. Hey, you. Stop. Hey.

Those are freckles. This weekend, this Friday night, it will be me and Duncan at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, California. There's two shows, 7 and 930. Yeah, 7? I know. Ridiculous. But that's how they roll in Hermosa Beach. Well, There's two shows, 7 and 930. Yeah, 7? I know. Ridiculous. But that's how they roll in Hermosa Beach. It's a bedroom community. My buddy wants to get you out in Santa

Barbara. Where's Santa Barbara? What does he got out there? He's got a couple clubs. Clubs? Comedy clubs? No, like one's a rock club and another one's a theater. He's always, you know, he wanted to hit up your agent and try to see if he can get you out there. Alright, yeah, give me his information. Yeah, I'll go to Santa Barbara. It's not that far. Yep, I'll do that. He's a great guy, too. Okay, your agent And try to see if he can Get you up there Alright yeah Give me his information Yeah I'll go to Santa Barbara That's not that far

Yep I'll do that He's a great guy too Okay cool That's no further for me Than Ontario Yeah I'll go that way

Santa Barbara's great It's just the opposite way Yeah Santa Barbara's Fucking beautiful Yeah Some incredible houses Out there huh Yeah

You see all those ones That burn down Like the dude from Back to the Future The old guy The professor Oh yeah yeah yeah His house burnt down

That sucks Yeah they have these Giant mansions out there And the fire's just cut through a whole neighborhood. That's crazy shit when you realize that fire can do that. And there's three colleges out there. Yeah, there's quite a few, yeah. There's like three top-end colleges.

One of them had the highest rate of STDs of any college in the country. The highest rate of STDs of any in the country? Yep. Wow. So you know they party. It's warm out. It's warm out. People fuck more. Yeah. Probably, right? Oh, I'm sure. Fucking bushes and outside. of any in the country yep wow so you know they party it's warm out it's warm out people fuck

more yeah probably right oh i'm sure bushes and outside in college remember when you were in college you're just like just tapping ass left and right you're like it's always gonna be like this at some point you're like oh it's not i didn't go to waver college i i went to a college in boston so that i could still train and compete martial martial arts tournaments. So I stayed for the first couple of years. I was at home still until I was 20. And then when I was 20, I moved out. And when I would go to school, I would just go to school for the day and then leave. I had no school interaction.

I didn't go to parties. I didn't get laid in college at all. Did you get laid in high school? Yes. But college was the biggest drought of my sexual career ever really yeah yeah but i was most insecure in college too because then i was i was um making this transition from being this person who concentrated on only martial arts my entire life literally barely paid attention to school so all of a sudden you know becoming like 18 19

out in the real world and going how the the fuck am I going to support myself? I was teaching Taekwondo at Boston University and I had my own school in Revere, but I was like, what am I going to do? Am I going to just do this for the rest of my life? Because this is not really what I want to do. I want to compete, but there's no money in competing. And then you start thinking about brain damage

and all sorts of other things, and I was like, god damn, I might become a loser. I had no definitive direction until I went into stand-up. I was just competing and then worrying about shit. From the time I was like 19, I had started to realize maybe this was a dead-end route. Where am I going with this? Right.

Also, when I was 19, I had seen some of the worst knockouts around that age. I had seen some bad head-kick knockouts where I was like, whoa, what if that's me? What if that happens to me? Yeah, go flatline. Dude, I saw a lot of guys get kicked in the head, man. A lot of guys get seriously flatlined.

Just like that dude in the subway where the guy sucker punches him. I've seen a lot of that. When you get kicked, like Taekwondo kicks to the head. They don't land that often, but man, when they land, it's like getting hit with a bat. There's a video on this website that's really cool called BarstoolSports.com. It's just a fun sports website, and they show these guys MMA fighting in their living room. The first time they fight, the one guy taps. The second one, dude, they're fighting in the living room.

Dude just head kicks him. The guy just goes down, hits head basically on like the marble of the the fireplace i'm like oh lights out oh god see i didn't get late in high school but then i went to college and it was just insanity i'm sure if i'd went to a college if i had actually gone away i went to unlv oh jesus just i can't even pretend you're gonna learn anything in vegas i didn't dude i admit it i moved there i wanted to do stand-up. Was there a lot of drugs? No, I didn't really get into anything like that until later.

Because Vegas has a real drug problem, right? Yeah, but this was a different Vegas, man. Really? I know it sounds crazy. Sinachos and I. It was like, you know how there was the mob? Stuts, good in the news. The mob Vegas.

Yes. I was out there kind of during the family-friendly Vegas. Yeah, that happened for a little while, right? Yeah, and then when I left, then it became MMA, you know, Terror Dome Vegas. That is like just, you know, where they're like, screw it, we're just the party destination. How do you think they made that decision? You were living there. The family wasn't making as much money.

Nope. That's what it was? No, this one guy, I forget his name, used to have a joke about, you know, you don't take a hooker to Disneyland. It's just like, why would you make Vegas a family destination? Yeah. It was just a place where, you know, it was just meant for. Yeah, what's there for the kids? Yeah.

Well, at one point, there was like Circus Circus had this huge park, and then the MGM Grand tried to create a park. It's just like you're not going to bring your kids where there's gambling. It sounds like a good idea. People do. People do all the time. Yeah, but not like what they were hoping to pull from Orlando. Right. Like, oh, fuck Orlando.

Let's go to Vegas. Interesting. It's never going to happen, man. It's interesting what a bunch of different metamorphoses have gone on. And now it's kind of like it's in a different place. It's like Vegas is broke. Is that what it is now? Yeah, man.

It's so slow and dead. They definitely have lost a lot. And they're still building. It's down like 50%, man. Well, because no one's got money. And there's all those shopping centers that they started to build and then whatever happened, and now they're just sitting there. Yeah, there's a few of those.

There's a ton of those. It's weird. Where saudi arabia they have that too or dubai yeah it's like huge building that oh well money's gone yeah stop that it's so weird that the same amount of people can exist the same amount of metal the same amount of steel same amount of minerals same amount of resources and yet somehow or another there's no money anymore it's like it's so strange it's like well you know a everybody was under an illusion before well can can you trick me again please yeah why we trick the world again and keep this bitch rolling it's it's like where does the like where's the money it's like there was money and then there was no money you and i are way too stupid for this conversation yeah you know what it is it's important brian's like? Brian's not going to help. That was like, where's the beef commercial?

Where's the money? It's rich people hoarding. That's what's going on. Rich people hoarding everything. Friday night, Comedy Magic Club in Hermosa Beach. It will sell out. Trust me. Duncan Trussell's with me.

And I don't know who else is going to come with me, but somebody else, too. I try to get Tripoli. Dude, we haven't gigged together in a while. I'd love to gig. We've got to start doing some gigs together. You know what? I'm doing San Jose with Diaz. Why don't you come along I'd love to gig. We've got to start doing some gigs together. You know what? I'm doing San Jose with Diaz. Why don't you come along?

You just tell me when I'm there. That's the next weekend. The next following Friday. You there? Done. Done! Puss is another UFC. Vanderlei Silva versus Kung Lee.

No way. Oh, shit, son. Shogun versus Henderson. I'm there, dude. Dun, dun, dun. I'm there, dude. I don't know what I did in a past life, dude, but I hooked it up. Yeah, you did, bro.

Greatest job in the history of the universe. December 1st, Naughty Show. December 1st, Na, but I hooked it up. Yeah, you did, bro. December 1st, Naughty Show. December 1st, Naughty Show, comic store. I'm going to keep convincing you to come. I can't come, man. I know you can't. I can't come. Brian, work on it. Brian, I think you're on to good things with the new podcast place.

Yes. You guys are working on the business side. We talked about that, and we'll keep talking about it. Yeah, you know, Brian's podcast, Death Squad, for anybody who wants to sponsor it, we're talking to the Fleshlight. Hopefully, they'll keep talking about it. Yeah, you know, Brian's podcast, Death Squad, for anybody who wants to sponsor it, we're talking to the fleshlight. Hopefully they'll come through with it. But Brian's got, it's always in the top 20 of iTunes comedy. There's a bunch of funny

comics. Sam Tripoli has a show on it called The Naughty Show. There's Tom Segura and his wife, Mrs. Segura. They have a show called Your Mom's House. The whole lineup is great. There's no bad ones. Brandon Walsh now has one called The Bone Zone. I like that name. And what it is is free.

It's a free podcast. And if you're looking for some shit to listen to at work. And by the way, all the people that I saw in England this weekend, thank you very much. What a fucking awesome, polite crowd. And 90% of them are like podcast fans. It was cool as fuck, dude. One guy had a T-shirt on said uh i

like my protons i like existing in pre-big bang conditions anybody wants to change that you got to come through me he had a t-shirt on with that written out it was dope and another guy had a death squad uh lineup t-shirt reservoir dogs yeah reservoir dogs with all of our faces it was really dope hey have you ever thought about i was telling Red Bandit, he should take that thing, that cartoon, and turn it into a T-shirt and try to sell it to make money for the desk squad or something like that. Yeah, well, we're going to definitely, no, this thing, I'm going to talk to this guy. How cool is that?

If you don't know who he's talking about, there's a gentleman, what's the guy's name? You know his name? Oh, yeah, he caught me on something, sweatpants or something like that. Yeah, god damn it. Casual Sweatpants or something like that. Casual Sweatpants.com, I think it is. Is that his name? Oh, he caught me on something, sweatpants or something like that. Yeah, god damn it. Casual sweatpants or something like that.

Casual sweatpants.com I think it is. Is that his name? But anyway, he made this cool thing, the Joe Rogan Experience podcast

and it's all these animated pictures of like Kevin Smith and Ari Shafir and Charlie Murphy. I'm on second level. I'm excited about that.

Sam Tripoli. I'm a zombie looking Tripoli. Me and Joey Diaz and everybody's in it. It's Duncan's in it. It's really fucking awesome man

and an honor and that's one of the coolest things about this podcast is the community that it's sort of brought together and that's not

something we take lightly at all you know I'm amazed and I'm honored by it all and it's kind of humbling and I don't I never know what to say

you know and I'll click on some link and someone will say something I made from your podcast and I'll click on a link and it's this awesome inspirational rant tied to music and you know and i i'll click on some link and someone say something i made from your podcast and i'll click on a link and it's this awesome inspirational rant to tied to music and you know you you listen to it and you're like well that's why you can't interrupt the rants bro because

they'll they'll take those so you got to be careful what i do now is kid formal sweatpants is the name of i do something on my podcast so i call it red bands rant and we do it at half an hour in the podcast where he can talk about whatever he wants. Because he always, we'll be jamming, and all of a sudden, he'll be like, left turn out of nowhere, and we're like, what? Well, sometimes that's okay, but you've got to let people rant when they're in the middle of a rant. You can't stop it, because then you stop one of these cool videos that gets made. Guys have animated them.

We've got a couple guys that have animated them. It's fucking awesome. And Kevin Pereira from Attack of the Shell, he wants to figure out a way to animate it with his production company so well that's cool do that yeah because there's so many times people have told crazy fucking stories and those stories could make awesome animated little clips you just have to have someone sit through the 10,000 hours of you know we have this is like 152 was this number what number that's one of that I think it's like 154 is it really 154. Is it really?

154 podcasts. Each one of them is at least two hours, and some of them are more. What's the longest one? Kevin Smith. That was like three and a half hours, I think. Something like that. Yeah. Anyway, bitches, this show is basically over.

Let's wrap it up. Let's bring it on home. Brought to you by the Fleshlight. Sam Tripoli got his own today. I'm very excited. That's a boy. Hours from now, Sam Tripoli will be shooting loads into that thing. You will have the most thunderous orgasms.

You'll be shocked at how much better it is. Does it come with how to clean it? I've never cleaned a vagina before. You've got to just get in there, soap, water, fingers. I'm very excited. Don't be scared. Don't be scared, homie.com. Thank you to The Fleshlight. You don't have to start that bitch so soon.

We've got a lot to talk about. If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the fleshlight and enter in the code name Rogan you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men

and we're also brought to you by Alpha Brain from onnit.com I get a couple of those right I got it for you dude I got the new mood

onnit.com O-N-N-I-T we have a bunch of different supplements that we are currently offering for sale.

Some of them are for athletic performance. Some of them are for mental performance. New Mood is an HTP software that enhances your mood. That's the Neil Brennan shit. He's the one who told me about that. Go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link

and enter in the codename Rogan and you will get 10% off of that as well. And if you don't want it, don't buy it. Don't complain. 100% money-back guarantee. 100% money-back guarantee. If you think it's too expensive, please don't buy it. Please take the ingredients.

Go buy some of the stuff involved. Let's make an info commercial. Save some money. We should. Save some money. And just tell me. I hope it works. I hope it works for you.

It works for me. That's the only reason why I'm selling it. Period. End of it. Period. End of discussion. Anyway. I thought you were going to go, and Advanced White by Armand Herrmann. No, this is my toothpaste. I'm not promoting this toothpaste.

This is a lot of shit that we sell. C2O, the best coconut water in the world. They don't pay us, but this fucking stuff is awesome. It's from Thailand. That's the key, folks. You've got to get coconut water from Thailand. I've had some coconut water that tastes like dish water. Some people say, like, dude, why do you guys drink coconut water on the podcast?

Like, this stuff's gross. Some of it's gross. I agree with you. But this C2O shit is fucking sweet and delicious. It makes me pee. It does? Well. I'll bet you get a call from some people soon about wanting to sponsor.

Yeah, whatever. Either way, I'll tell you I like stuff because it's good and C2O is fucking delicious. That's it. Tomorrow, Dave Attell joins the podcast at 3pm. Jealous. And then Thursday, Duncan Trussell. So we got a party going on this week, folks.

And we're also probably going to do a show at the Ice House where the new Death Squad studio is located at the Ice House in Pasadena. And that's probably going to be going down on Thursday. We'll give you some more information about that tomorrow. So that is the end of this program. Cue the music, son.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. Thank you all. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for tuning in continuously. Thank you for letting us be a part of your world. We appreciate it. Please follow Sam Tripoli on Twitter. Sam T-R-I-P-O-L-I

Tripoli. Sam Tripoli. My man. Good to be here, my brother. Follow Red Band as well. And don't forget to subscribe to the Death Squad on iTunes. The aforementioned podcast. And we will be podcasting if we do it Thursday night.

We will do a live at the Ice House, which will be one of our new podcasts that we will be offering. We will not stop until you're sick of us. Can't stop. Like I'm sick of Kim Kardashian. God bless everybody. Peace and chicken grease. We love you, bitches.