The Joe Rogan Experience - #1547 - Colin Quinn

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

Comedian Colin Quinn is a veteran of stage and screen, with notable stints as a cast member of "Saturday Night Live", host of Comedy Central's "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn", and star of multiple one-man shows on and off Broadway. Quinn is also the author of several books, the most recent of which is Overstated: A Coast-to-Coast Roast of the 50 States. Check out his new show "Cop Show" available now on Colin's YouTube channel: https://bit.ly/3iD0sjV

the Joe Rogan experience Colin Quinn I had a move to Texas to get you on this podcast I tried forever to get you in LA you said no chance not true okay I've every time we see each other we just yeah I was always like I'll get out there one of those days. I'm glad I waited this long. It's kind of, I can savor, I can appreciate it. I'm savoring it right now. If I was on one of the first podcasts, I'd be like, yeah, I was on Joe's and I was on this one.

This is like, you know, you're getting the respect you deserve now. I see. What is it like in the lockdown for you? You still live in New York? Yeah, I live in New York. Is it weird? Yeah. I mean, I was telling everybody it's, you know, it's very, it's not like people like,

oh, it's like New York in the 70s. Now, the 70s was a whole different vibe. But now it's all boarded up stores. The store on my corner, like the corner bodega basically, just closed. And it was, you know, it was around for a long time. And, you know, it's depressing. Like you're on the subway, there's only a few people on and it still smells. It smells this bad.

They've been cleaning it every day and it still stinks. It doesn't even smell better. That's how ingrained it is. And, you know, the pigeons are homeless because Antifa took down all the statues, so they have no place to live. Yeah, it's a very weird place. You can't say, like people that say it's like the 70s. No, the 70s, it was the 50s and the 60s and the 70s. It didn't change much.

It was seedy and weird, but it was always like that. This is a drastic change from six months ago you can't say it's like the 70s because it's not it's like a something's deteriorated there's a collapse right and then there's all this weirdness that comes along with that well the 70s was kind of a collapse but it was a different type so like in the 70s all the stores at night would be locked up but they were open during the day so at night if anybody's out after nine at night that was on them but i mean but it was not like now it's just 24 you're walking down deserted streets there's nobody out you know what i mean have you always lived in new york depressing yeah yeah so so it was sketchy in the 70s oh my god yeah i mean i did a whole i did a whole show about it basically but i mean it was basically like we in part one of the

jokes for my own new york story was that and it wasn I mean, it was basically like we, in part, one of the jokes from my own New York story was that, and it wasn't a joke. It was, if you walk down your block, cause there's no cell phone. So if you walk down the block from the train after nine at night, people would lean out the window and be like genuinely surprised. Like good for you.

You made it home. If you, if you stayed out after nine, like times square, people would go to Broadway shows by by 11 o'clock it was deserted except for criminals because people would leave broadway show they wouldn't go out for a drink or dinner they would get in their car and get out immediately and giuliani's the one who cleaned all that shit up giuliani cleaned it up yeah isn't that amazing the guy gets no respect now no i know

you know he went a little crazy but he really, he did what no politician has ever done in any, in history, which is he said, I'm going to transform this. And he did. He turned it around. Yeah. He really did. He really did. Maybe a little too far.

Like at a certain point. He may have been a little too far. Times Square became like a mall. Yes. Times Square is very uninspiring. It became like a big Applebee's. But that's, yeah, that's exactly, that's exactly what it became like a big applebee's but that's yeah that's exactly that's exactly what it's like and and you know even though like now i look back and i'm like oh taxi driver new york

it was edgy it was fun but at the time it was no joke people you know i glamorize it through rose-colored glasses but it was serious yeah that's the thing about crime in crime-ridden areas like people always glamorize it after the fact. But if you're living there while it's going down, it's fucking terrible. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, most people love New York once he took over in the 90s. People forget that.

Yeah. That everybody was just like, oh, I can go out at night. Oh, I can work. I can, you know what I mean? Before that, it was, it was crazy. And I used to bartend around Times Square. And I mean, the stuff you saw, you know, was just brutal. You know what I mean?

Well, one of the things we're finding out from this lockdown is that it really is important who your mayor is. Yes. It used to be important. He didn't really care. People didn't care who the mayor of LA was. Half the people didn't even know. That's right.

And now they're like, who is this motherfucker that's keeping everything closed? Yeah, yeah. And the same thing with New York, right? Oh, yeah. Well, we did de Blasio from day one. A lot of people like and now everybody hates him but this is his second term yes he got re-elected oh he swept both

elections that's hilarious you know and now we're finding out yeah oh he's he's a dipshit yeah just took it took something where it's like a crisis where you realize like this is not a leader and everybody hated bloomberg for running a third term they wish they had him for fifth now yeah remember he's like oh he's forced himself to run for a third now but he misses you know a guy like him could he go back could he run again because he can't be president no one's not gonna vote for president but um i don't know he was so terrible in the debate it's so funny because the thing about bloomberg that disappointed me as president was when he was mayor. When he first got elected mayor,

Darryl Hammond had to bail on some show he was supposed to do. At the last minute, they asked me to do a favor, do a guest shot at the show, which I go up. Really didn't go that well, but I did what he asked me to do. What was it? A stand-up show.

It was a stand-up show for Bloomberg? Yeah, Bloomberg was trying to get the Olympics here or something. I think it was the Olympics. So he asked me to, you know, Daryl was supposed to do the show and he had something else. So I ran over. I lived in Midtown. I ran over, literally ran over,

did the show in front of the Olympic committee or whatever the committee was. I think it was the Olympics. And, you know, 30 people in this uncomfortable room. And then afterwards bloomberg shook my hand and i knew he was already a billionaire and he goes i owe you one i go thanks thanks he goes no no no i don't just say that i always repay my debts i owe you one so i was kind of hoping to be president and then i could call in my chit because i never did the whole time he was mayor i realized he was busy i let it slide but he still owes you though huh yeah you got it on a ledger somewhere no but i just have my oral i i believe in the

oral history oh yeah i mean i thought it came right out didn't it yeah yeah you got it oh yeah so maybe if he becomes can you become mayor again how does that work can't be president again can you be mayor again i guess you can yeah why Yeah, why not? There's probably no lawyers. Well, governor of California, that Jerry Brown guy, he became governor again. That's right. Yeah. So if he can be governor, he's got to be mayor. He was governor in like the 90s, like the early 90s, I think. I think in the 80s.

Because I think Johnny Costner used to make those jokes. Yeah. For smoking crack. Didn't he win again in D.C. for being mayor? Yep. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, Marion Barry. Yeah, so there you go.

I wonder how many terms he did, though. I wonder if there's a limit on how many terms he could be. You're more politically minded than I am. I don't know that kind of stuff, though, no. How many terms can you be a mayor? Because someone like Bloomberg has got to come back in and clean New York City up. Because you're not going to get there with this social justice warrior attitude that de Blasio has. It's just going to lead to complete deterioration of that city.

Yeah, but it may be too late. You never know. Too late. You never know. I mean, nobody likes to think of New York that way. But it's like a lot of people, so many people moved that I was shocked moved to the suburbs that I was like, wow, this is serious. Like I didn't really believe it just because I'm so New york like i just i don't even think in terms of leaving new

york even even though you know it's irrevocably changed to me before any of this happened but so many people moved out i was like this is getting serious what did you think about that uh alterture jerry seinfeld will feud about new york is dead fuck you know it's yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean look you can argue either side of it and be right you know what i mean like i don't want it to be dead but at the same time i'm not going to pretend it's not in deep trouble yeah so i mean i just don't know how it gets out that's what my worry is i know unless covid gets cured and then ari shafir thinks artists are going to start moving in again, but he's one of those guys.

Right. He's got that, you know, because you need to be gritty. New York City needs to be gritty. Right. He's one of those guys. Yeah. But never been mugged. That's why.

Never really had the fuck beat out of him. Yeah. You do need a couple of those in life. You just need to know that it's possible. You just need to be like, ow. What does gritty mean to you? Let me tell you. it ain't a fucking it's not midnight cowboy that's a movie yeah real gritty is you get stabbed and then it gets infected yeah and then you're in the hospital for six months yeah you need to at least ever had had regretted laughing because you're holding your broken rib at least for six weeks in a row when you're like is this ever gonna get better yeah it's um that gritty shit is like boy yeah

i i see what you're saying i kind of get i know i know yeah some places are gritty they're fun yeah no it's it's fun and like i said when i'm watching taxi drive i'm like yeah i miss new york but i mean i would walk i remember walking through times. We don't have to ask what I was doing at 12 o'clock at night by myself, 1980, 81. And literally they had like thieves dens above the porno theaters. They had thieves dens. So like they go through, they had a little turnstile. I went in one once with this kid. He was taking me there.

I forget what we were trying to do, something shady, I'm sure. And he went, we went up, and it was like 50 thieves, like Oliver only New York. Really? Like a gang of people with illegal goods, trading illegal goods, right up on 42nd Street.

Wow. It was crazy. You'd see gangs running down. If anybody was, they would just swarm somebody, take their stuff, leave them on the ground, and just keep going. The thing about it is, though, the disrespect to the police right now, it leads it to a very difficult situation of trying to bring it back. It's like that didn't, that wasn't the case in the 80s and the 90s. People respected the police. the police like when they when giuliani brought it back there wasn't this overall nationwide resentment of the police force like we're having now which is pretty unprecedented well i mean there

sort of was in new york actually at that time there's a couple of incidents where you know but yes not like this this is a different this is a a luxury that people are able to indulge themselves by by putting all you know lightning rod sort of, you know what I mean? Like the police, to me, it's like a proxy war. You know what I mean? Everybody knows cops. Everybody knows cops are nuts. We all had the friend that you grew up with.

You're like, whatever happened to him? He became a cop. He became a cop. But, you know, no one denies that part. Even cops know that about themselves. But that being said it's easy for everybody to just go okay like i say proxy war so all the bottled up racial resentment in the country and it's like the people that have to actually go and say hey listen here's

what has to happen they're going to be the they're going to be the fall guy for that and that's you know i mean that's what this is in my opinion well you know what it is it's like social media only captures the things that are viral right with the things that you're going to watch are only going to be viral and the ones that go viral the ones that are really bad yeah i mean nobody wants to see no there's no viral videos of a cop pulling a guy over and having a laugh with them and so uh listen man you're going 63 and a 55 just do me a favor slow it down all right, I'm a big fan of the police. Thank you, sir. Appreciate you.

Appreciate you. Shake your hand. Bye. Take care. No, instead, you have some asshole grabbing some black woman and pulling her out of the car and body slamming her. And you're like, these motherfuckers, they keep doing this. But you could have millions of interactions with cops,

and you're only going to see one and you decide that all cops are pieces of shit when there's these hundreds of thousands of cops that are great guys they're just doing a really difficult job and trying to keep it together but one or two a week yeah is going to go bad and that's all you need to know and everybody thinks that the world is falling apart because you see those videos and those videos get two three four five million downloads and and everybody just thinks that all cops are terrible people and it's just it's not the case right no exactly but try telling people that and they think you're a cop apologist yeah they say you're a piece of shit yeah you're a white supremacist right right

right yeah stand down and stand by that's right what the fuck was that and stand by that's right what the fuck was that what trump i tell the white supremacists to stand down and stand by and it's one of those moments where you're like you know it's basically the like the one thing you wouldn't it reminds me like not like nero fiddling while rome burns i feel like it's when all the roman center is going so what are you gonna do now nero and he starts taking the fiddle out of the case and like no he's not gonna fucking is he gonna fiddle right now this is he's really kidding right but he you were saying earlier we were talking outside that he had just called the kkk what what did he just i didn't say that somebody else oh somebody else was out there saying that he called him a terrorist group right didn't didn't he say that like i don't

know was that the case jamie someone out there was saying someone in the law i forget who said it he called the kkk a terrorist group like the week before or labeled them is that truth i don't know about wording it that way is correct i don't think he called them that let's see what he said again he didn't he didn't call them that the white house labeled oh the white house labeled them a terrorist he didn't say it somewhere or whatever right yeah but that opportunity it was so funny. Like, he's telling Joe Biden, I want you to say law and order. You can't even say it. You can't even say it.

And he didn't say it. Right. And then he said, you know, I want you to denounce white supremacy. And then Chris Wallace is like, Mr. President, do you denounce white supremacy? I tell them to stand down and stand by. Like, people that were his strategists probably like, what the fuck? Yeah, he's like, you can down and stand by like, you know, uh, people that were like his strategist, probably like, what the fuck?

Yeah. He's like, you can't say stand by. He's like, Whoa, Hey, come on. I don't want to go that way.

What about, all you had to do is say, yes, I denounce white supremacy. Of course. That's all you had to say. See, but that's why you should be moderating this debate because you could be

physically grabbing both of them and saying, listen, here's what's going to happen now. Instead, Chrisace like excuse me guys what up you know i mean he's not you need alpha you have to be able to physically walk up to the podiums and put people well that's what i was saying they need big john mccarthy they need the ufc referee big john mccarthy the famous big giant dude he could handle that shit he would tell people to sit the fuck down he was a cop yeah He knows how to control. I would be laughing.

The problem with me, I would be like, oh my God, what a shit show. I would turn to the camera. I'd break the wall. I'd be like, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. We got a real fucking problem here. Yeah. Folks, you may want to tap out on this country.

Yeah. I'd be like, Jesus, Canada doesn't look so bad right now. Yeah. I know that Justin Trudeau is kind of a pussy. What do you mean? He was a boxer? Was he? Yeah.

I heard he was. I've played basketball a couple times. I don't call myself a basketball player. Or maybe he was the kind of boxer where they're like, hey, listen, that's the prime minister's son. So if he hits you, just flinch. Don't hit him. Oh, one of those. I don't know.

Yeah, there's a lot of that going on. I've seen that before. No, I'm sure actually i did he did have a boxing match he's a little too handsome for my taste yeah i don't like it either beautiful man he did blackface at least 30 or 40 times that's right didn't he in canada it's different i think it was like indian people or something oh that's right right right black it was like brownish yes it's indigenous face yeah it is kind of funny. White face. It's First Nations face.

White face is like no problem at all. Right. Good luck. You could be white face. No one cares. Can you play a redhead if you're not a redhead? Is there any shame in that? Well, would you want to is the first question, but second of all, no.

If someone had to do like the Andrew Santino story. But I don't know Andrew Santino. He's a comic from LA. Can we make it Bill Burr? Very fun. Yeah, but Bill Burr is, he's bald now. He's too bald to be called Redhead. Yeah, it's like, it's hard to call him a Redhead now.

Who would be like Carrot Top? Okay, Carrot Top. Yeah. That's the most famous, like clearly, I mean, it's in his name, Carrot Top. Yeah. Right? Could you be, is there any shame in that? No. No. No why why nobody ever owned redheads

no maybe they did because there were a lot of irish slaves right yeah back in the day the whole thing was irish yeah yeah yeah where the original redheads were well it's probably from the scandinavians the vikings had a lot of redheads like er Eric the Red. Oh, right. That's the only reason I think Vikings had redheads. The guy's name was Eric the Red. Probably had a red beard and blonde hair. Probably covered in blood too, right? Oh my God. Those motherfuckers.

You ever see those people in Iceland that win those strongman competitions? Yes. They're the remnants of the Vikings. They are beasts. Enormous human beings that live in the frozen north where the Vikings lived. The only thing I know is that the word berserk comes from them.

Berserkers. Yeah. They used to come down and go berserk. And you know what they used to do? They used to take mushrooms. They did? Yeah, that was their big thing.

They would take mushrooms and slaughter. Now, wait a minute. Where'd they get mushrooms up there? I thought mushrooms were from South America. No. Mushrooms are from

all throughout Europe. mushrooms are from all throughout europe mushrooms are all throughout north america they're native to a lot of different climates well they would preserve them too they would get them in the summertime and then they preserve them in the wintertime but i'm 99 sure that was a part of the history of the vikings is that they would uh they would take a lot of mushrooms well when, when I was growing up, I mean, I consider myself the early... Here we go. Fly Algaric mushroom. Yeah, that's the Amanita muscaria.

The first account of Vikings going berserk because they ate magic mushrooms was hypothesized in 1784 by a Christian priest named Odman. He came to a conclusion that connected the berserkers to the fly Algaric mushroom because he read that siberian shamans did the same thing when they were healing hmm that that show vikings yeah see that show no fun show they take mushrooms in that show but the um did vikings eat mushrooms let's see that see that that's they connected to the amanita muscaria, red and white mushroom. See, that's not the same mushroom in the Viking movie or the Viking television show. It looks like they're taking psilocybin.

Some scholars propose that certain examples of the berserker rage had been induced voluntarily by the consumption of drugs, such as the hallucinogenic mushroom Amanita muscaria, or massive amounts of alcohol. as the hallucinogenic mushroom, amanita muscaria, or massive amounts of alcohol. But here's my problem, is that when I was growing up, we ate a lot of mescaline, which is basically mushrooms. It was like chemical. What's that? Sort of. Mescaline is actually peyote.

Well, we ate mushrooms too. Yeah. But mescaline is that. I think it's more, it's in the stimulant category. Well, even more so, this is going to prove my point. When you're eating mescaline acid any of this stuff mushrooms you don't tend to want to get violent that's true but if you live in a completely violent world right and you took mushrooms i don't think it would turn you peaceful

no and i turn you peaceful but you might be like i'm just going to stay in the forge you know these guys are going on this stupid trip you're going to go an 18 hour trip to go and rampage through some civilization you know here's why i disagree it's become a thing with fighters to take mushrooms and fight what yeah yeah it's it's actually really common and the thing is they're not really testing for it so there's certain fighters that are taking mushrooms and then competing in kickboxing competing in mma on mushrooms on mushrooms yeah that's the hilarious that's one of the greatest things i've ever heard well they say it makes them way more effective and then they almost can like read things better they're locked in better i could see locking in but you also get trails

and stuff like that this goes on you know maybe it's how much you take. Like, maybe you just take a dose that's... Also, you got to realize these people are, like, their adrenaline's through the roof. Like, the effects of the mushroom is probably very different if you're about to go into a fight. My adrenaline was through the roof when I was 17. Now, listen.

Doc Ellis, of course, took the acid. That was a famous one, right? Yeah, but that's not violent. Did he have a good game? Oh, yeah, he's pitching no-hitter. He's pitching no hitter he pitched you know yeah pitching no hitter on acid there's real there's real evidence that though in some circumstances psychedelics can enhance your performance well i'll tell you uh i'll tell you a story when i i'll tell you that i'm probably the third time i took acid maybe I was 16 And this is a fight

It's got violence in it But it's not that I was So I was at a Sweet 16 in Brooklyn It was a mob run place by the way So you do a Sweet 16 This has a lot to do with my whole life When I really look back on it So I was 16

I was in love with this girl She wasn't dating me But she was at the party But the way they set it up So it's like Here's a sweet 16. Here's an office party. They're all in the same room.

And then there's a stage down at the bottom. And here's, you know, some guy that, you know, just got his, you know, you retired from the, you know, job, whatever his job. Then you have, you know, so it's like 15 different events of two tables each at this place. Palm Shores Club, it was called, in Brooklyn. So I'm at the party with my friends, and there's this girl I'm in love with, but I haven't dated.

Yeah, we ended up going out for a couple of years after this. So I'm tripping on acid. And then one of the other groups that was with our group, because the girl I was in Sweet 16 had our other friends there too, one of these guys sold pot was with our group, because the girl living in suite 16 had our other friends there too. One of these guys sold pot to the girl I loved. Sold her a bag of weed.

So she's like, you know, Brooklyn, she's like, look at him, he beat me on the suite. He sold me like four joints. So me,

shit night in shining armor. And then I go up to him. I don't know the guy. There's long tables, two or three long tables. Excuse me. Tap him on the shoulder, you know. Excuse me. She feels like you shorted her.

I'm not dating her. I'm just, you know, I'm in love with her. She shorted you on, you shorted her on the Swede, so, you know, you might want to give her a couple more joints. Guy's like, no, I didn't. Turns away. Listen, excuse me you know he's she feels you did you gave her four joints whatever in those days you get like six joints for a big five dollar big right maybe seven you know i was like yeah i kind of shorted her i'm still not sure to this day if

he shorted her by the way i didn't count them you know you were just being a white knight i was just being a white knight so he goes no i didn't knight. So he goes, no, I didn't. Get the fuck out. Just basically like he has to show his pride too. He's letting this guy tap him on the shoulder a couple of times. He's with his friends. I'm with my little friends. And he goes, get the fuck out of here. Now I'm starting to annoy him.

And he's like, was this bad? He had to do that. So I was like, ah, bah, jump on him. Start punching him. In the middle of a giant event. Oh, no. Jumping, punching him. You know, a ruckus erupts, you know.

It's like a whole place. So our table's going crazy. Screams, you know, fights. And the grandmother, my friend wrote a song about it, by the way, the next day. Because the grandmother kicked me in the ear. My whole ear was caked with blood. Because I'm ruining her granddaughter's sweet. The grandmother kicked you in the ear?

Yeah, the grandmother. While you were scrambling on the ground? While I'm on the ground. Oh, my God. But it was caked with blood. Because I'm ruining her granddaughter's sweet 16. I don't blame her. And they're breaking up.

But meanwhile, oh, so anyway, long story short, I'm tripping. So this is like the third time I've tripped, maybe. Maybe the second. On acid. I had done mescal and everything else. So I'm tripping. So finally they drag me out. I'm picked up like bodily.

It's a mafia place. Remember? Downstairs in the basement, these two guys, a couple of young mob guys. I could tell they were like young thin you know guys they didn't look like to me like my and start punching me

I'm like ah and then they just look at me and I could tell they were just like look at this guy he's so pathetically pussy whipped they could just tell in my eyes

I was just they're like get him out of here and just tossed me onto Emmons Avenue which is a big street in Sheepshead Bay and then my friends drove by like I'm walking you know stepshead Bay. And then my friends drove by,

like I'm walking, you know, stumbling along, like three minutes later, my friends drove by because they left too, they had to leave. And they just could not stop laughing. I'm just standing there. But here's the weird part about the story is that on stage was this old man who at that moment was doing standup comedy.

And to this day, anytime I have hecklers, I'm like, that's karma, because I was the guy that ruined his show. And he's going, come on, fellas, calm down. I heard him say that. And at the time, I noticed, because I was like, why is there a guy so old doing stand-up? But he's probably a guy doing it at that time,

and she said some knock-around joint. Getting paid. Getting paid. And then an idiot ruins his whole show with a brawl. Over a $5 bag of weed. Over a bag of weed, which may or may not have been shorted. And when you think about that, have you ever done gigs like that? Did you ever have to do like a kid's party or anything like that?

Oh, my God. Yeah. Did you? You mean gigs where you just don't- I mean, sure. Haven't you ever- I did bachelor parties. I did a couple of those.

But bachelor parties, they suck. Yeah. But at least it's not like, you ever do a gig where you don't, when you're first starting out, where you're not, you don't have enough clean material and you walk in and you go,

I can't, I have to cut every curse out and you have nothing left. You realize I have nothing to say to these people. Oh, yeah. Because my act is for nightclubs and this is not a nightclub. It's a daytime club. Yeah. I've done a couple of those, like just small events where just you feel like it exposes

every flaw in your comedy. It does. It does. It does. So does small shows. It does. Small shows. That's the beauty of small shows.

They're like a cleansing agent. Yes. All the fat in your act. All the fat, all the momentum that's just based on them. All the horseshit. All the curses. It's just all right there. And these people are looking there and they're dressed nice.

And I did a car show when I was, I think, two years in. It was like an afternoon show, like 200 bucks, which in those days, you're like, ooh in it was like an afternoon show like 200 bucks which in those days like 200 bucks an afternoon show i went there and it was just maybe 50 and i was too new to know that i was walking i didn't even real like now if you walked into you'd be like okay this is a nightmare here's what i gotta do that was like a really smart thing that chris rock used to do a lot is he would show up at the store unannounced late so he would go there where there was the audience was down to like 15 20 people and then he would go up with his shit that he was working on and he would find out what's good and what was bad yeah because when there's

15 people and they're spread out there's like three here two in front of you five over there yes you really know what the fuck is good and what's not if you're there in front of 300 people like oh my god it's chris rock everything he says is amazing you're with your date like wow we got lucky tonight chris rock's here yeah but if you're there and there's fucking 15 people it's one in the morning like then you find out how much of your material is nonsense oh my god yeah no of course i mean that's that's where you really get exposed and it's the best and you have your best sets yeah but uh but the negative side of it is then you listen to the tape and like a lot of that was free association you listen to tape that wasn't that great well that's the thing about

comedy like i feel like comedy to really develop a good set it's almost like it's like uh cross training like you needed to lift a little weights but you also need to do some jogging. Like, you need to do a bunch of different things. And you need to have a big crowd so you see if this is a set that's really worth filming. And then sometimes you have to have a little crowd where they're not impressed by you. They're not there to see you. Absolutely.

And you see if this stuff really can resonate with people that don't even know you. Absolutely. I mean, that's the beauty. The reason we're all still so obsessed with comedy is because of these little, that it could still surprise you every time and still challenge you every time.

There's a million things where you're like, I can't believe I know so much and I know so little after all these years of doing it. Well, the beautiful thing too is every time you do a special, you become a beginner again. Because even though you know how to craft the beautiful thing, too, is every time you do a special, you become a beginner again. Yeah. Because even though you know how to craft the material,

the material you have is dog shit. Yeah. And it's like, it's on Bambi legs. And you gotta figure out a way to get it moving again. And that's why my new theory, which you're gonna like this

for the Austin Comedy Club, is that down south now, because nobody can work out up north once it gets to be winter so it's going to be like baseball how all the dominicans begin all the south is where all the great warm here year round because the covid's gonna hit new york city and shut everything down again yeah once flu season kicks in yeah it's already shut it's never opened comedy clubs haven't opened but they're open outside right a few of them outside yeah but you know how are they doing that they're on the street like what opened. But they're open outside, right? A few of them? Outside, yeah. How are they doing that?

Are they on the street? What are they doing? They have parking lots or something? On the street. Well, one comedy club is on the street, but most of them are in parks or in parking lots. There's a lot of parking lots. That's so weird. Yeah. So how do you get people to pay to sit in a park?

Yeah. I don't know. Because otherwise, people could just walk up and stand on the outside and listen. They don't have to pay. Yeah. And the parking lot, you always just... The problem with doing a parking lot is even though you could be doing great, you know there's some idiot outside the parking lot that could start screaming.

Yeah. Like when I was 16, I would have done. Sure. Honk your horn. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. Or just play Andrew Dice Clay really loud in your car.

Just something to distract the community. You're giving them a good idea. Yeah. I did a gazebo a couple of weeks ago, a benefit up in Connecticut. Like a wedding gazebo? Yeah, like an outdoor. Like how Chappelle's doing in New York? Is that a gazebo?

Yeah, he's doing it in Ohio. Well, it's like a wedding chapel, outside wedding chapel. That's where he's doing his shows. Yeah, I don't know. It's in the town square. I was just doing a benefit. And yeah, a couple of kids drove by when the guy before me was on and just honked and screamed.

Ruin your joke. Do you know Burt Kreischer? Sure. Yeah, Burt's doing a lot of these drive-in shows. I know. I know he is, of course. I go, what was the show like? He great it was 700 cars like 700 cars now that's a lot of cars yeah yeah i just did it for hbo max i did like a comedy outdoor special with a bunch of comedians

from new york and 30 cars and it was it went back far how did he get seven he's doing giant places this was 30 cars and it was way back yeah this must be like i mean i can't imagine how far back it must go it goes far and they all light their lights and honk their horns and shit that's right that's what they were doing yeah oh my god 700 that yeah i'd like to now i'd like to see that yeah but bert's hammered too right So he's like barely aware of what's happening When the lights are flashing People are honking

He's having a great time Yeah there you got video of it Like this is by the way I'm 99% sure so I'm just going to say this This is all his idea Look how big this is It's huge There he's in Philly

And he did it all across the country Takes his shirt off every this is it's huge wow wow there he's in philly and he did it all across the country takes his shirt off every show because it's important oh my god yeah yeah and i mean now he has to yeah now he has he's like ellen dancing trapped right right she has to dance every show he's trapped so um this is how he did it so he would go out and do these crazy shows where he's in the parking lot they'd set up a stage with lights and everything wow look at that he's been touring look at that he's one of the only guys that through this pandemic has been regularly touring in a pretty safe way look at all those cars yes that's crazy pretty safe way that's kind of cool it's

actually really cool looking he said he enjoyed it he said it was great he enjoyed it but yeah but bert's the kind of guy that enjoys things like that yeah yeah you know what i mean like i could see myself getting aggravated by this and bert's like it's the greatest you know he he'll be jumping in a car start making out with them you know what i mean like bro enjoys stuff exactly exactly yeah i i just um i you know i miss real comedy like mark norman said it best he's like this is all methadone he goes we're all doing methadone he goes i want a real shot he goes i want i want the real hit right in the veins i don't want to take this methadone these these park shows these outdoor shows and the virtual show is the worst like that oh my god yeah that's crazy

i've watched good comics bomb on zoom and i'm like stop yeah stop doing that there's no one there you can't do that no it sounds like it sounds like pigeons like you don't hear laughter you just hear this weird look is that a laugh what's going on it's so bad it's just not a bad it's it's a terrible way to do comedy no yeah it's it's but that's again what i love about it is that it makes us really like you realize a lot of people are going to fall by the wayside too yeah because the money's going to go down thank god yeah thank the money's going to go down this time prepping people for low salaries at Austin Comedy Club. The money's going to go down. You're going to design Austin Comedy Club for me, right? I would love it.

But I'd like to really- Design the room? I'd like to curate the audience. How are you going to do that? Already we had a conflict when I was telling you I don't want those drunks in the audience. You're like, yeah, let them have a few drinks. I'm like, no, Joe. You want to test them all to make sure they're not drunk.

Yeah. Because I don't like- You're like, well, some drugs don't heckle. I know. But then they sit there like this and you think they're listening to you and they're also once i one time i was in cleveland i was yelling at the whole crowd because they were drunk and just horrible and it was this beautiful couple up front guy and girl blonde dressed expensive like i mean they just looked like model movie stars and i was like these people people like

this come to see a show pop up i just yell at the crowd because it was like heckles late show you know and then i finished in like five minutes later the couple got up to go to the bathroom or leave and they both face planted and passed out they were so happy they didn't know i was talking they didn't know where they were we finally have a rapid test so here like we got tested we got the same test that the White House uses so they have a machine do a nose swab and get a result in 15 minutes so you could conceivably have a show where people would show up say 40 minutes early everybody gets in line gets tested when you get cleaned you can

get inside and have a drink so you could do a comedy club and have everybody with no mask on you yeah you could conceive yes the club and have everybody with no mask on. Yeah. You could conceive. Yes. The thing is, people, even if people get tested, wear a mask. Everyone's so mask conscious now. When we do the UFC, I can't do in-person interviews with the fighters.

Right. But I'm tested and they're tested. Everybody's tested. You have to be tested to even be in the building. You have to be cleaned the day of to be in the building, but yet still they want everybody to wear a mask like that doesn't make any fucking sense no but it's also because when you live in a country that's built on lawsuits everybody's like whoa that sounds like a lot there's 80 people going don't wear a mask i want to see what happens just so they can try to sue you that's yeah well you'd have to sign a waiver well like if you're going to get to austin comedy club you'd have to sign a waiver Well Like if you're gonna get to Austin Comedy Club You'd have to sign a waiver

Well Austin Comedy Club I hate to say this It sounds like I'm already Abusing the system But I think the MC Should have to do the testing They should have to be registered A registered

A nerd You have to be a nurse To be an MC You wanna host You gotta be a nurse You gotta get there early Do the You know

Save yourselves a few bucks Yeah you know like Hosts would have to like P pitch chicken wings at some place. Try the wings in this place. Well, I used to bartend when I started comedy. I would bartend at the comic strip and they wouldn't let me on because they were like, no, it's a conflict of interest. It was a big ethical problem.

Really? You had to quit your job as a bartender? I quit before I could audition, yeah. Oh, that's ridiculous. But the store is the opposite. The store, all the people that work there are comics everyone the doorman but they they actually like ari when i met him he was a doorman he was yeah it became and then there was the beautiful thing was he eventually filmed his

first special at the store right his comedy central special so it was was like wow what a full circle he made yeah he's he seems more like a comedian than a doorman, if I may say. Terrible doorman. I don't give a fuck where you sit. Sit wherever. This place is gritty. This place is crazy. Yeah, but everybody, Tony Hinchcliffe, everybody that works there,

well, everybody that works there as a doorman is a comic. Everybody that works the cover booth is a comic everybody that works the cover booth is a comic a lot of the people that work behind the bar comics well you guys is uh crew uh really turned that place around because i was there in the early 90s and the comedy store i was there working you know i can't i didn't work that much when i've done that late but it was a shithole well not only was it shithole monday was considered gang night and it wasn't like um it wasn't an inside joke like everybody knew gang night the gangs knew it was gang night so they would have gangs it was just this crazy atmosphere like this tense atmosphere every monday night was gang night yeah it was not good when i got there in 94 i got

there in 94 it's pretty rough but occasionally it was good like occasionally like damon waynes would stop by or martin lawrence would stop by like someone good would be there and you'd go wow okay now i get to see a real comic but a lot of it was like half empty not even yeah a lot of bodaks oh yeah that's right yeah a lot of guys that really just shouldn't have been there and my theory was that like kinnison had left there somewhere around 86. Right. And when I got there in 94, eight years later, it was just still, like, because before that it was booming, right?

There was Kinison and Letterman and all these guys were there. And then when he left and he was banned from the store, I think he took everybody with him. And I think when I got there in 94 it was like he was already dead and it was like the echoes of that that his generation it already kind of died off yeah well I was when I was in LA I was in LA in 89 I guess 90 or something 88 89 and the improv was the respectable club it was what the store became and the store was the respectable club. It was what the store became. And the store was already crazy. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And- It was like that in 94. Yeah. The agents wouldn't go there because they couldn't get in for free. Right, right, right. Because Mitzi was like, I don't give a fuck where you work. Yeah.

Like, if you were an agent and you wanted to get a table, it's like, pay. Tell them to pay. You know what, though? I don't blame her because the whole town was an agent. She wouldn't have made a dime. Yeah. Yeah. And not only that, they didn't pay attention. She would say don't believe because the whole town was an agent she wouldn't have made a dime yeah yeah and not only that they didn't pay attention she would say they would talk in the back they did i remember i went to see a showcase once and they for whatever reason william morris had a showcase at a nightclub and there was the downstairs where they had people

seated in the upstairs was like this little balcony where there's a bar and it was filled with agents and they were talking full blast while the show was going up and i said i'm not going up yeah i told my agent i'm like i'm not going up there's no fucking way and depala was on stage and depala was on stage and he's yelling at these fucking people that are up in the balcony like he's he's talking shit about them it was terrible yeah it was like the worst atmosphere for comedy and the agents didn't give a fuck it was agents agents' assistants, a lot of them. They were drinking and talking. Yeah.

They're just laughing. They're having a social time. They're having free drinks. It's like this is their opportunity to chit-chat. So while the show was going on, I mean, full-blown bar-level talking. Yeah. Yeah. It was terrible.

So that was what Mitzi tried to avoid. She was like, get him out of here. No, she definitely had the right spirit. I didn't even know Kenn It was terrible. So that was what Mitzi tried to avoid. She was like, get him out of here. No, she had the right, she definitely had the right spirit. I didn't even know Kennison was, I remember Kennison was there one night. Rich Jenny told me, you know, rest him in peace. Love that guy. Yeah. Great guy.

God, he was good. But he knew, he knew Kennison and Kennison owed him $100. So he went by the comedy store to get paid. He was in town. He's like, you know, the guy's doing great now. He's making a lot of money. You know, it's like 1988, 89. And he goes, I'm going to get paid.

I'm going to go borrow them. And he goes to the MC. When Kittlesey gets off, I'm getting $100. He owes me $100. He never paid me. He's rich. I'm just, you know, working the road. And then just then, Sam starts screaming at somebody.

You know that bit he used to do where he goes, I'm going to take this napkin. I want you to write down the names of all your loved ones, your dead grandmother that always treated you. He'd go through the whole. He'd say to somebody in the audience, he'd go, write down your dead grandmother that was always there for you. Write down your uncle that paid your way through. And I want you to write them all down.

And then I want you to hand it back to me because I'm going to wipe my ass with it. And he said that. He said the guy just exploded, attacked him. Sam's bodyguards just started punching, you know, turned into like a brawl at the comedy store. The guy was so mad, you know. And then the emcee goes, Jenny, maybe you should just ask him for 50. Yeah, he was, I missed all that.

I missed the Kinnison. I saw him live a few times when i was an open micer when i was in boston i went to see him uh three times while he was alive one time was at great woods uh and one time was uh down the cape and then there was one other time and it was just uh it was just it was interesting to see because it was like he didn't have new material. And he was trying to do some of the bits from the old stuff and people would call out the punchlines. And so then he had to kind of write new shit while he was touring, you know, and the HBO special had just come out. Because it was kind of a new thing back then. Like there weren't a lot of HBO specials. It wasn't a real common thing. specials it wasn't no no real common

thing no and he developed that act over years and years and years yes and then all of a sudden he's this hugely famous comedian they come to see him and he doesn't really have a lot of new material yeah no that that definitely happened a lot of guys back then where they'd just be like they weren't used to people knowing their act yeah and people like i don't hear that's the thing about comedy musicians people are calling out for their best want to hear it. That's the thing about comedy. Musicians, people are calling out for their best hits. Yeah. If you do something new, they get mad.

Yeah. Comedy is just the opposite. I know. It's crazy. It's such a hassle, but it's the way it is. And especially Sam's act, because it was all build up. Yeah. And then the big punchline. So there was no in between.

Yeah. Yeah. So I got to see his B-level material. I never got to see the a material live i got to see it on tv but when i saw him live it was all kind of like half-assed stuff yeah it wasn't wasn't really that good but it was also because his crowd was so uh annoyingly like screaming at him that he ended up having like he almost couldn't develop yeah because like you said he should have been what chris did go in when there's 15 people yep he should have done that

well he was just touring right he wasn't yeah like he developed his comedy by going up late at the store right that was the thing like going up late he put that act together over years of struggle and then all of a sudden he was huge and now he's got to do these thousands of seats and it's not the same you can't develop an act it's just you can but it's god damn it's hard to develop an act in front of thousands and thousands of people and how about i know yeah i don't know i don't know how you could do i mean uh how about the fact that him and prior are both from pe from Peoria? Crazy. Isn't that wild? Weird. But he started in Houston.

They said Sam in Houston, him and Bill Hicks, all of them worked at that. And they said Sam one time, he like tied himself to the thing outside. Yeah, the annex, because they censored him. They wouldn't let him go up. Yeah, those guys, they had developed a real scene down here in Texas. They really did. And Hicks had a real scene in Austin. Hicks started out here and then eventually went to Houston.

Yeah. Maybe he started in Houston and went to here eventually. That's right. I think he started in Houston, did Houston and Austin, and then when he came to die, he died out here. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I used to call them the Houston comics that hate God.

When he came to die, he died out here. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I used to call him the Houston comics that hate God. Well, it was odd because Texas is often thought of as being very religious. That's why they're so obsessed with it. Yeah. But a lot of, like, I think Garofalo came out here. I think she came out here during that time too, right?

Oh, they had a bunch of. But because it was like a scene. Like, I remember hearing that she was coming out here because I knew her from Boston. I was like, wow, that's kind of wild. Like, Texas is that like it made me rethink what texas is in my head yeah and brett butler was here this was during the 80s and this was during the kinnison era and that was when they had uh ron shock you remember him yeah yeah and do you remember andy henton jimmy pineapple yeah i worked with jimmy pineapple one of the first times I ever did the Houston Laugh Stop, I worked with Jimmy Pineapple. That's crazy.

Yeah, those guys. Speaking of laws of comedy. Andy Hinton used to have a joke, which, you know, he goes, so these girls having sex younger and younger these days. I overheard my sister's friends talking about it. They're 14 and she's having sex. I pulled her aside. I said, first of all, what we did was wrong. Second second of all telling people about it's not going to make it better

today you'd get cancelled oh my god yeah you'd be in real trouble all female comics would start twitter threads about you yes exposeose him. But Andy Hinton, him and Ron Schock once did acid. T. Sean Shannon, you know him. He's from there too. And he told me this story about Ron Schock and Andy Hinton were tripping one time.

And Ron Schock was, he just was like kind of breaking it. And he goes, and then Andy Hinton goes, Ron, you're going to make it when they first started. He goes, I know. And he goes, he was waiting for him to say it back to him,

you know, because you're two comedians anew, so you say it back to each other, right? Sure. And he goes, and finally Andy couldn't take it anymore, he goes, I'm going to make it too, Ron. He goes, sure you are, Andy. Sure you are. They had a great open mic night back at that laugh stop that was one thing about the lap did

you work that place in houston yeah the last stop yeah it was a great club but they had the bar area was an open mic night and then they had the main showroom area and i remember i came in to do the show there i did two shows and from the moment i got on stage they had the open mic going and then when i was by the time i was off stage the open mic stage, they had the open mic going and then by the time I was off stage, the open mic was still going. So the open mic would go to like 2 o'clock in the morning. They had guys still going up. It was a real comedy community there.

They really worked on their craft. They didn't tolerate any hacks. No bullshit there. They were a serious thing. It was a great place. It was a great, great scene. That crazy Mark Babbitt ran it. Right.

That crazy fuck. Yes. Yeah. He was a nut, but he really loved comedy. He loved comedy. He ran a club. You've got to have a nut. People think, well, that guy wasn't the best businessman.

You're not going to get the best businessman to run a goddamn comedy club. You're going to get nutty people. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Mitzi Shore was a different kind of nutty person. like mitzi short was a different kind of nutty person mark babbitt was a different kind of nutty person but all the great club owners were all crazy well the reason boston was a good scene too was a great scene when i started you know i came in like 85 let's say to boston right first time ever was because mike

lenny clark and mike clark Mike Clark, the money they paid in Boston was like three or four times more than any other place. Three or four times. Like a gig in New York, pay 80 to be the middle. In Boston, it would pay 290 or something. Because Lenny and Mike was not ripping people off like that. Mike's a great guy. I'm still good friends with him to this day.

I was texting with him yesterday but perfect I love that guy and he whatever his thing was he was just this guy that was like yeah you should get paid and it was like this Valhalla you know this up and what was regulated it was also the big four you know I mean it was like the Mount Rushmore a Boston Sweeney Gavin and Rogers yeah and uh and they were just you know they just set a tone they were just, you know, they just set a tone. Everybody's like, whoa. And they were big guys, too.

They were big guys. Lenny Clark's a fucking gorilla of a man. They were these big dudes. Oh, yeah. It was an interesting play because they were men. Like, we thought of comedy as being like these dweeby, like, interests. But those guys were doing coke and punching people. They were wild fucks. All those guys were doing coke and punching people they were wild fucks

all those guys were hammered all the time they're all a bunch of wild people oh my god they were insane they brought me up to be sweeney one afternoon at nixon he was just in the back like this you know like you want to be sweeney's and after it was just him in the dark and uh just looking like it was this you know audience with Pope. Were you there during the Coke days where they would try to pay you in Coke? Yes. Well, not me. I was already clean. But yeah, they paid people in Coke all the time.

It was psychotic out there. It's the only way you get great comedy. I think it's like it doesn't last because it's not sustainable, that kind of a business model. No. And then the comics never pay their taxes. They all wind up getting audited. And you stop writing because you're coked up or you're just waiting for the coke deal.

Oh, yeah, when they had the guy on the side, I mean, they're dealing coke in uniform. It was nuts. Yeah. Well, I was a famous, I'm sure you heard that story, when I went up there and they pulled the old thing where Sweeney and Chance went on before me and just left me.

Destroyed the place. Destroyed on a Friday second show. And then I end up literally, because I remember I'm from New York, so I don't understand. It's 1985 or 86. So I don't understand the culture. So I see a bunch of guys in polo shirts

with blonde hair, deck shoes, white pants. I'm like, oh, these must be some spoiled kennedy guys like they look like yuppies like they look like the bank robbers from chelsea yes yes but i'm looking at this audience full of these guys in pink eyes on shirts well you know and that's exact and then these badasses they're They're savages. Yes. So I'm like, oh. So I go cursing them because I'm bombing. So, you know, we get into it. They're like, fuck you.

I'm like, fuck you. Fuck you. And just, I go, God, go fuck yourself. You know, I'm just giving them fingers. I say, you fucking asshole. Go back to, you know, Hyannisport and go play touch football, you little. And these guys, and I start to notice. Then finally I start to notice, wait a minute.

Some of these guys have tattoos back in the days when you know i'm like these guys have like sherlock tattoos i may be misreading because i didn't know anything about boston as far as the neighborhoods i don't know what's going on there you know i just want pink eyes on shirts and you know facial scars yeah i'm like crooked noses some of these guys are pretty muscular too you know and then long story short it got so ugly that joe yannetti had to come on stage from the back of the room they took a joke go up there save it because they're getting ready to rush the stage and beat the shit out of me the whole crowd but it almost felt like

and joe yannetti goes on stage and he goes folks i'm from eastie this is my friend we're going off stage now you leave us alone we're going and he literally had to explain to him I'm from Eastie he's from one of the neighborhoods so you know I'm a legitimate person and then we just had to hide in the kitchen

until the whole crowd emptied out well if you were a New York guy you already had three strikes against you going off by the stage yes I knew none of that yeah they set you up too they would set I saw them set up Billy Crystal

well that's great I walked in after the fact I didn up billy crystal well i walked in after the fact i didn't actually see it but i walked in after the fact they were all bragging about it they set up billy crystal with like sweeney knox gavin boom boom boom they just had a murderous assault of local humor yeah you couldn't follow you couldn't they're talking about fucking cape cod going down the Cape, having con. They're talking in the Boston accent. Everybody's dying.

And then you would go up and like, I'm Billy Crystal. Hey, how's everything? Do you like the Emmys? And they're like, get the fuck out of here. They did it to everybody. Well, guess what? It's funny you say that because of the local references.

The last thing I remembered before I went on stage, I mean, they're ripping, is Chance, Sweeney. Sweeney's got a mop in his head like dreadlocks. Chance is playing guitar and they're singing a song called Come Back to Jamaica Plain. That's where I lived. I lived in Jamaica Plain. Yeah.

It was all local stuff. That was a real problem when I started doing The Road. I had so much local material because they loved local material. It was like a cheat code. blame yeah yeah it was all local stuff that was a real problem when i started doing the road i had so much local material because they loved local material it was like a cheat code like you can get a laugh you didn't deserve with local material well the same in new york you're doing that subway stuff you're in north carolina which is people would be like what is this what are you talking about the subway oh my goodness we know what it is but but it's funny you said the after i was there for the aftermath because i pictured the room when an aftermath, when, you know,

sometimes you go into one of those clubs in New York, too, but in Boston, Knicks, and there was just broken shot glasses thrown around the room, just chairs turned over. And you're like, whoa, what happened here? But it was just a crazy business model that they would set up these headliners for failure on purpose all the time yeah all the time and if you didn't know like if you were a guy from new york that was doing the tonight show and you're starting to do movies and you thought you were the shit yeah and they would let you go on stage and they would like oh yeah we're gonna have this guy headline he's been on the tonight

show and they would set you up with four murderers would go on in front of you. I don't blame them. That's how you, when you're making that much money locally, you don't want a bunch of people coming horning in and you're making, you're then, but by the way,

I wasn't a headliner. I was just up there visiting. I was staying at Tony V and Dennis Leary's house. I wasn't a headliner, but they just did it for whatever, for sport, to keep in shape. No other place would do that.

If you went to Houston, they would give you like a local act to be an opener. It would be normal. I mean, you have to Houston, they would give you a local act. It would be an opener. It would be normal. I mean, you have good comics, but they wouldn't have headliner after headliner after headliner trying to blow you off the stage. Right. They did it on purpose.

Yeah, they did. Oh, yeah. I know they did. They wanted you to eat shit. These guys would do their best 20 minutes. Just fuck it. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. And you would go on stage an hour and 15, an hour and 20 minutes into a show where the

audience was beaten into a pulp. Yes. And then these guys would bomb it happened to me that's exactly what happened and i was even the headliner and here's what happened by the way i just remembered i was the middle but chance goes i'd like to get home early colin would you mind if i went ahead of you oh and i was like yeah okay dirty trick because i first show had been fine yeah so i was like, yeah, okay. Dirty trick. Because my first show had been fine. So I was like, yeah, fine, go ahead. I didn't know him. I didn't know anybody. It was really funny. Dirty trick.

They do that on purpose. Of course. But, you know, do you really blame? Look, here's the way it is. You're in the city. You're making great money. You're getting paid in Coke. Everything's set up correctly.

Plus, you're Irish. So you're like who these assholes think they're gonna come in here and big shot their way around it's the perfect irish arrest to just go we're gonna show you what a fucking big shot you are the pleasure they got in their souls out of watching that week after week of course they did it constantly the only person i saw survive that that gauntlet was dom irera dom irera he murdered he went up there and he was famous enough at the time that the a lot of the audience was there to see him yep and he was working so much he was cool as a cucumber he would go on and his material was so goddamn good so

funny so solid yeah he went up there and he killed and i remember at the end of it he goes uh he goes ladies and gentlemen i've been dom irera i've been great you guys were okay he wanted a bad audience he just had this casual confidence and just yeah he he survived the gauntlet they tried i tried to take him out i could see it one of one of the other they set people up i saw some crazy shows i saw bill hicks get set up there oh wow bill hicks got set up there cleared the fucking room and never stopped never stopped swinging it was me and greg fitzsimmons we were open micers at the time and we were sitting in the back of the room at nick's comedy stop and and hicks started out with 300 people and he was down to maybe 40 maybe 35 40 people at the end and

everybody had just gotten up and left and it was a row of comics in the back laughing our fucking ass off oh it just like he he was looking up he had this some bit about uh someone taking a shit right so he's like grunting over a toilet bowl and he looks up and he goes this usually clears the room and people are just getting up. And just the crazy thing about it was the calmness of his bombing was stunning. Always. I was like, he's so relaxed while bombing. Yeah. No, I never saw anybody who literally would just be like, he had such a Zen-like attitude about calm.

Because he did it since he was like 15 or whatever it was. And T. Sean, they all knew him when he first began and they said his whole act was joke jokes hilarious joke jokes like he had all this material but it was all like one-liners right when he's 16 and 15 yeah there's a video of him when he was really young yeah he was real smooth and the video is him before he's 18 and he's fucking smooth and then he was like hey guess what I want to do this a different way I mean he was 18. And he's fucking smooth. And then he was like, hey, guess what? I want to do this a different way. I mean, he was just a searcher.

And also, when I caught him, when I saw him, I saw him live a few times. He'd already quit doing drugs. Yeah. He was already clean. And he just had this really strange, introspective, thought-provoking act. Right. And people didn't know what to make of him. He really changed comedy in a lot of

ways because a lot of people imitated him because they they they would see him and they would go you know comedy can kind of be profound it doesn't just have to be funny like this guy made me feel like what i was talking about was stupid that i was dumb right you know and then so a lot of like i remember in the back uh green room in the Atlanta punchline. Right. The green room had graffiti on the wall. And one of the things that said, quit trying to be Hicks. Because there's so many guys that were trying to be Hicks.

Yes. It's so common. Yeah. Where people would like tell the audience how dumb they were and how dumb America was. I know. They were trying to be profound without doing all the work first. That's right. That's right.

Oh, yeah. I mean, how many people masquerade as freaking out the crowd with their brilliance when it's just that you're not that funny? Yeah, you're just not. I mean, first be funny. Like doctors, first do no harm. First be funny. And if you can be profound that's

great that's another level but don't be up there going hey you guys don't get it i'm bugging i'm i'm ruining your middle class bourgeois mentality he's like no you're not stupid when lenny bruce did it yes that was shocking and he was groundbreaking don't be acting like you know i mean hicks or lenny bruce I would have loved to see Hicks with a podcast. God damn, he would have had a great podcast. Yeah. He would have had a really interesting podcast. Yeah, you're right.

There were some real interesting interviews with him where he would do an interview and he wouldn't really try to be funny. That was the thing in these interviews. Guys would be half doing their act. Sure. He did a little bit of that, but for the most part, he would actually talk about shit. Yeah, I'm going to do that for the second half of this, going to their act. Sure. He did a little bit of that, but for the most part, he would actually talk about shit. Now, yeah, I'm going to do that for the second half of this,

going to my act. That's what I was getting to. Trying to work you into that. You don't have to be funny. Remember when they used to do that radio in the 80s, at least, when I started? They go, listen,

tell us what you set you up for. Oh, yeah. Dude, the 80s? I had someone try to do that to me in like 2014. I did the Bob and Tom show back then. I was like, what? What are you talking about? Set you up.

What do you want to talk about? Maybe it was 2005. But it was the 2000s. Yeah, for sure. In the 80s, that was the normal thing. That was the thing. If you said no, they'd be like, oh, my God, this guy's going to be terrible. In Bob and Tom's defense, they didn't care.

But the producer was adamant that I need to have specific things to talk about to go into. Right. I was like, what? I'm not just going to go have fun. These guys are fun. I'm fun. Just relax.

Yeah, exactly. They say, you flew out here. How was your flight? You're like, oh, well, it was pretty good, but there was a guy next to me. Yeah, the morning radio thing. there was a lot of guys would do their act on morning radio sure because nobody was recording it because it was like yes you know there was no internet back then and comedy was so new yeah people be driving go hey this guy's

pretty funny let's get out there i mean it was it was there for a reason you know guys would do routines in the morning yeah and it worked yeah that got people to come out to the club and then they would hear the same jokes yeah at the club yeah that was the other thing too is that nobody wrote new material back then nobody i know so many guys it was so funny and they'd write maybe 40 and that was it and they were as funny as anybody yeah forever forever and then you fade away but i mean uh yeah and they had fun and it was it. That's it. And they were as funny as anybody. Yeah. Forever. Forever. And then you fade away. But I mean, yeah, and they had fun. It wasn't that the material was dated.

It was just once you stop writing that stuff, something about you becomes dated in a weird way. Well, their act would get so polished. It would be like a samurai sword. They would hammer it down to just a perfect sharpness. And they would, like Don Gavin, his fucking timing was so precise so funny and you'd be crying he was so confident and loose yeah but they never left they never left boston they stayed they had that 40 minutes and they were they were as good as any comic that has ever as anybody ever anybody. Ever. Yeah. And people didn't know.

But in New York too. There's a bunch of guys in New York that were just great in the mid 80s when I started. These guys were so funny. I was afraid you were going to say that. Well, like a guy like John Heyman. Hilarious.

He became a writer. But I'm saying he would get up and just so funny. And he was the guy that would just sit at the bar all day in the community. Just clever, witty guy. You know what I mean? He could have been one of the greats. And everybody knew it. New York had a different thing in that the clubs were smaller

because space was more limited. So the people were on top of you. So you had a lot of guys working the crowd because they were so close to you, you almost felt like you had to. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Well, I mean, yeah, most of the clubs in New York, it was a lot of crowd work. Yeah. Which was good and bad. It was good in the sense that, you know, it's funny to watch somebody be, you know what I mean? It keeps it, but it's bad in the sense that a lot of people just became great at crowd work.

I mean, how many guys that are just great at crowd work? Crowd work's fun and it's funny, but you got to discipline yourself. If you're not writing, when you're going to do a show and the stage is up there and you're talking to imaginary people, which a lot of people do. And you're like, Hey, that guy. And then after the show, when you start and you're like hey that guy wasn't fat hey she was her tits worn out why is he saying she was dressed like a hook this guy's it's just fake crowd work yeah there's a lot there's a lot

of guys that do that well the crowd work is like it's like local material it's a cheat code right when people think that you're coming up with it on a spot they think this guy's brilliant yeah well the only the part i object to is when somebody does something every night spontaneous and then they pretend they stumble into it and start laughing at themselves oh that's ugly the fake laugh at yourself sometimes you will laugh at yourself yes it happens the audience knows when it's not real. Yeah. They know.

They know, unless they're retarded. Some people don't know, but most people know. Yeah. And they might go let you get away with it. But when you're laughing at the same joke for the 50,000th time. Yeah. No, it's great. I mean, it really is a great thing about modern comedy is that everybody knows you got to keep putting out new hours that's the great thing about modern comedy

yeah with specials yes well you've done an interesting thing where you've done these theme shows yeah now what led you to want to start doing that which is just you wanted to you had ideas you wanted to do that way like a one-man show yeah i did i did i remember seeing one-man shows when i first started i saw eric baghossian do you know him yes i remember him he did these one-man shows and i was like oh my god this guy's the coolest guy he's being funny doing these characters so i wanted to do like that kind of stuff so i did this stuff in the early 90s just one man shows on my on my free time you know and um and then i and i watched lily tomlin did one whoopi goldberg did a really good one back then and i'm watching these one person shows i was like i want to do that and i did this one called irish wake

about growing up back then but then i just went back to stand up because stand up is you know how it is it's so it keeps you from being out of the loop mentally in some way that you can't because it's just you know i just talked to jerry about it all the time and it's it's like going into the water and just getting hit by a wave because all the theoretical stuff like even now here we are talking stand up this and that it's all theory once you're on stage with a crowd, you're like, ah, ah, ah. You're surviving. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So it's like, yeah, I'm going to do this. All my strategies. Bah! Now you've got to, you know what I mean? It's a fight. When you watch a guy like Jerry who's been doing it forever, who's such a polished pro and he's having a tough spot. Yeah.

It's weird. It's weird to see. You'd be like, oh, yep, we're all still just comics. We're all still comics. But that's the beauty of it is that the crowd is just like a wave. They'll give you

a couple minutes. Yeah. Oh, look, Colin Quinn's here. Yeah. Hey, he's funny.

They'll give you a couple minutes and after a while, like, come on. Yeah, they're like the three guys I never heard of

were making us laugh and the guy I know is not. What's going on here? I paid money to laugh. Exactly. And that's the beauty of it. Yeah.

Because whatever you want to say, like we're talking about with Bill Hicks, whatever you want to say, that's great. Yeah. But you still have to make them laugh or it's not, by definition, it's not comedy. Right. You may be a philosopher. You may be the most brilliant or TED talk, as they say today. But it's not comedy.

That's the importance also of showcase clubs where there's a bunch of comics going up and they're not just there to see you because if people are just there to see you they'll laugh at things like they're just a giant fan of whoever it is you know Jim Gaffigan. They go to see Jim Gaffigan and Jim Gaffigan is a very funny guy

but they will laugh they will laugh at him but Jim Gaffigan will go to these other clubs to work out too because you have to do that as well. You've got to go to a place where they don't necessarily come to see you. They come to see a show, and you're on the show, but you've got to perform. Yeah, yeah. No, exactly.

There's no other art form like that. No. Musicians don't have to do that. No, there's no other art form where you need the audience to help you write edit yeah yeah you literally need them that's why this coronavirus is so brutal for me because without the audience you're gonna ramble on and on you know what i mean yes you'll go to long setups right with little punch lines and you won't even know the audience be like no no no get to the joke like

and you're like oh i forgot to end this thing how can i do this for this many years i forget you need an ending did you did you see cosby at all before he wound up going to jail did you ever see him live no i never saw him live i mean i saw him live once when i worked at great well i was actually working as a security guard when he was there live uh but i didn't get to see i wasn't a comic back then i was 19 i didn't get to see the whole show i really paid attention to it but he never worked out he and he talked about he said i i know what's funny i know how to how to do funny like i don't need to work out my material so he would just kind of write and then he would go up and do these and from all accounts like chris rock said it and burr said it they went to see him they said it was fucking brilliant brilliant yeah and he didn't

work out like i would i would like to see what that was like i would like to see it too yeah jerry seinfeld chris rock they always said they went to see bill cosby and loved it you know i mean yeah i mean i i wonder about that it's a little hero worship too right like you like how much of it is you're supposed to love it how much of it you love it because it's great yeah i mean i i wonder about that it's a little hero worship too right like you like how much of it is you're supposed to love it how much of it you love it because it's great yeah i guess i mean if they hero worshipped him yeah before he got oh yeah arrested everybody hero worshipped him i didn't he didn't i didn't like that i didn't like his act that much i mean i thought it was one time i uh i did a big benefit a big connie Hall show. It was right after 9-11 and Cosby was on. And it was an interesting night for two reasons,

but one of them is he asked to meet me after my set. He was here worshiping me, Joe, in my opinion, but he brought me up because he wanted to meet me because of my set. So I go up and I brought my girlfriend at the time, very pretty, and I walked in with her and she had a certain look that I could, you know, like very exotic looking too. And, you know, dressed up and Cosby was there in sweatpants, smoking a cigar in Carnegie Hall, which, you know, only certain people get away with.

He's in some dressing room in Carnegie Hall with a cigar. And he's talked to me for 20 minutes. He looked at me for about eight seconds of the 20 he was literally looking but he made it a joke but it was dead serious but he was looking at her while he was talking to me the whole time and we're all like laughing like he's in on the joke but it was so like she thought it was so weird but the same night tom papa was there with his wife cynthia and bill clinton was there too it was like a big you the same night, Tom Papa was there with his wife, Cynthia. And Bill Clinton was there, too. It was like a big, you know, right at 9-11.

And Clinton was shocked. He walked around the room. He just, he was so smart, you know, everything they say about him. But then he starts talking to Tom Papa. He starts flirting with Cynthia right in front of everybody, and we're all laughing. But he's like, hey, I love her. It was one of those nights. Fascinating. In retrospect, right? it. It was one of those nights. Fascinating.

In retrospect, right? It was a me too benefit in retrospect. I remember I called Bill Cosby a douchebag on your show when I was on Tough Crowd. Because he was- You were ahead of the time. He was being interviewed by Wanda Sykes. Right. And Wanda was interviewing him and he starts chastising her for the way she's talking to him.

That's right. And he had sunglasses on. And I go, for the way she's talking to him. That's right. And he had sunglasses on. I go, that guy's a fucking douchebag. That's great. And I remember thinking, jeez, who the fuck am I to call Bill Cosby a douchebag? I mean, this is like... Yes. I mean, when was Tough Crowd?

What year am I talking about? I've got to think early 2000. 2003, 2004. Yeah. And I was like, he's a fucking douchebag. That's hilarious. I remember that when he was like, yeah, you guys... Yeah having fun yes and talking to him she was just trying to be funny and uh he chastised her for the way she was speaking it was crazy it was like it was real

weird like who the fuck are you to tell her how to talk especially on tv especially why everybody loves wanda yeah she's walking around the crowd. Yeah. And she does that. And she's just working. She's a comic. Yes. And it wasn't, nothing she did was offensive. It was just her talking. Yeah. And I remember being on the show and then I remember leaving going,

Jesus, you want to call Bill Cosby a douchebag? Like, I probably shouldn't do that. I feel like a lot of people left the show saying something like that about something. Oh, that was the show. That show would not be possible today. No. I mean, it really was like a lot of people left the show saying something like that about something. Oh, that was the show. That show would not be possible today. No. I mean, it really was like a podcast in a lot of ways.

Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. It really was. It was, yeah. It was a fucking great show, though. Thanks. It was a great show.

Thanks. It really was. And you were the perfect host for it, too, because you were loose enough and light enough with everything that you can kind of keep the glue together. Yeah. I mean, I took as much abuse as anybody on oh yeah but it was it was a rare moment where like in perfect name too tough crowd was a perfect name for it has there ever been a talk about bringing that back oh god yeah everybody talks about it but i'm like where you know i mean

what about as a podcast people say that i don't know why not i mean because first of all i resented at the time that i was like yeah they didn't want it you know i mean like right who knows what i'm resenting i'm fighting against something that does it's not even part of the podcast world right and um but then i was just like i don't know then i'm gonna you know what i mean getting everybody together and you know people's careers would fall left and right if we did it oh yeah i mean anybody on there would they be able to really even speak honestly today kind of you kind of you gotta have a career that's pretty locked in already or you gotta be on the on the come up where you got nothing to lose it's the guys that are on a television show that are fucked yeah like the guys who get a tv show or you're really worried about losing it right those guys

can't they can't do a show like that but back then you could oh back then we did but there it is colin quinn tough crowd there it is look at that that is that patrice oh my oh he was the star of that fucking show well norton was great on that Well, Norton was great on that show. DePaulo was great on that show. Everybody was great on that. Geraldo. There's Geraldo. Geraldo.

I remember when Geraldo and Leary went at it. That was one of the great moments of that show. Ten years until Geraldo's dead two days ago. Yeah, him and Leary. That was a good one. And Lenny Clark was there. It was just a great setup. The way you had it, it was just a great setup.

Patrice literally, it was basically his show. As you can see from that footage, I was a guest. He was the host. Little chubby Jimmy. Look at Jimmy back in the chubby days. He really looks like a fat fool. But, um. It was a great fucking show, man.

Yeah. How many episodes did you guys wind up doing? 200, I think. think wow 220 or something i have no uh can we get you to do it as a podcast i don't know because you can get guys like me guys like established comics would do it and it would be wild you could still do it it could still be done as a podcast it gets to because like you have a guy like joey diaz on he doesn't give a fuck right like you can have those guys and they will talk freely yeah and people would love it oh my god they would love it yeah it might i don't know i

mean over the years obviously people have brought it up to me and i was like now because he could never do you own the name be free today no but I got a better one. The original name, which everybody talked me off of, which is the expression, really more than tough crowd, Tough Room. Ooh. And I think I do own the name. Yeah. Anyway.

Either way, Tough Room's better. Tough Room is a podcast. Tough Room. Why not? I don't know. Maybe. Look, how many guys in New York would do it? A lot.

Yes. Easy. Yeah. Norton would do it for sure, 100%. Well, he wouldn't be invited on, but you're right. You brought up the one name of someone that's not welcome on the show. There's plenty of comics that would do it. I know, I know.

Joey Diaz is in Jersey now. Oh, yeah? A lot of people won't tell. He's out there in the East Coast. Yeah, I know. Joey Diaz is in Jersey now. Oh, yeah? A lot of people want to. He's out there on the East Coast. Yeah, he got the fuck out. Most people are leaving. L.A. is just like a sinking ship. Yeah, everybody's leaving.

Yeah, it's sad. It is. It's sad. But it's also good. Things move on. Like I said, comedy, I'm not even kidding. What if it becomes this, you know, outdoor thing? Everyone's going to move down south.

It could be an outdoor thing, but I think more than anything, it could be a thing where you just, I think they're going to have some sort of a treatment for COVID sooner or later. And it's just a matter of like, look, the reason why LA was LA was because everybody came out there to do TV and movies. Right. And then they wound up doing comedy as well. And then they did comedy while they were doing TV and movies.

But it was always, when I started in the 90s in in la it was a means to an end like when i came out there i came out there to do a television show and there was a lot of people that were doing stand-up hoping they would get a tv show that's right i came out there with a tv show right hoping to get passed as a paid regular at the store right and then once i was there i was like this is weird because like i don't want to. I was doing TV for money. And every time a new TV project came up, I was like, okay. But really, I had this dream. My dream was like, I would really love if I could just do stand-up.

I'm doing all this stuff so I can make it. Like Stan Hope said it best. He goes, basically, we're doing TV to make sure we have an audience so that we could do stand-up. But now that doesn't exist anymore. Nobody gives a fuck about TV. Nobody cares. For a lot of comics, if you get a TV show, it's like, ah, poor guy, he got a show.

It's like, now you're fucked. Ah, you're right. You're going to get less money. You can't say what you want. You can't talk wild. And you never know when you're scheduled. You can't go on the road. Right, right.

And you have to deal with all these weird politics of sets now. It's like every set has to be diverse. The casting is weird. It's all fake. It's like you're not casting the best people. You have to make sure you have an Asian character or this character. Where's your gay representation?

It's just... If it's an urban gang, they have to all look like Greg Kinnear. But it's an urban gang, they have to all look like Greg Kinnear. But it's just nowadays you don't need that Hollywood environment anymore. It's actually an impediment because it comes with executives and it comes with agents and it comes with all these people that are going to get their greasy hands on the formula and fuck it up. They're going to tell you what to do and what not to do.

They're going to pull you aside. They're going to give you shitty advice. and what not to do. They're going to pull you aside. They're going to give you shitty advice. Their creative input's going to be dog shit. Well, a place like this, Colin Quinn, out here in Texas, you don't have that. I know. I know. I love it. You going to move here?

I don't know. I don't know. I'm such, I mean, I do love it. I love the idea of moving here, i love i love it i'm trying to get everybody to move here if you have i know that's half half the goal of having people on this podcast yeah well i'd like to you know if i move here i'm gonna do it i'll be one of the i want to be one of the early ones i don't want to be one of the guys that comes in like oh now he's jumping in the bandwagon fifth year right yeah no i don't want to if i do it it'll he's jumping in the bandwagon. Fifth year. Right. Yeah. No, I don't want anyone.

If I do it, it'll have to be in the next year because I can't be one of these guys that's coming in late. Well, you're going to help me design the club, right? Maybe I come down as the designer slash manager of the club. Or maybe I secretly book the club and people go, who's the prick that's booking this club? Right. You never know. Like, you leave your thing. We both know better.

Yeah. You can't have a single person that people can call to get booked. Or I've always felt, even as much as I love comedians, and I love comedians, they're my favorite people, I always feel sorry for bookers. Because having to deal with us,

people don't understand the mental disorder you have to have to be a successful comedian. Which is, you have to think, if I was up there right now, no matter who's up there, I'd do good too. I'm as funny as anybody. And if you don't think that, you can't last. The sad thing is people that think that or no one else thinks that. The other comics know they're not good.

And they're like, I don't get the respect I deserve. You're like, no, but you do. Here's the thing about comedy. Everybody gets the respect they deserve. Yeah. Anybody who says, you know, I didn't, you know, they made it seem like I had to earn their respect. You do. Yeah.

You do have to earn their respect. Yeah. And you get what you deserve in this. Absolutely. This is a meritocracy. It's the closest thing to a meritocracy that could exist. Yes. I agree.

It is. Out of any job in the world, it's the closest thing to a meritocracy. Whenever you see a comic saying, I'm not getting the respect I deserve, you're like, oh, no, that's not true. Yeah. You do get what you deserve. Yeah.

You get all the... Because when people are murderers, everybody bows down. Everybody goes, that guy's fucking great or she's amazing. Right. Everybody does it. Well, unless they're real hacks.

There's hacks at murder. Yeah, but... There's hacks that I'll never follow. Right. Because they're real hacks there's hacks there's hacks at murder yeah but there's hacks that i'll never follow right they're killers and i i bow down to the fact that they can be that they can do that even though i hate them for it but i'll say i give them a little bit of credit i know what you're saying i know what you're saying like they figured out a way to juke the system yes but in terms of like a great comic right a comic that the audience likes that we all respect whoever you with a guy girl gay straight absolutely white black oh yeah no one gives a fuck are you a killer yeah are you a killer that's right yeah and if you're not a killer and you think you are it's a rough road

yeah oh yeah i don't get the respect i deserve from this club but you do no yeah but you do yes if you were laying it down every night they would all be like goddamn he's killing it but I don't get the respect I deserve from this club. But you do. No, yeah. But you do. Yeah. Because if you were laying it down every night, they would all be like, God damn, he's killing it. But this is what I'm saying. Bookers, everybody thinks they should be at that place right then.

Yep. Everybody thinks she should be on stage all the time. Yeah. So to be a Booker, you can't, you're going to make a lot of enemies. Yeah. Yeah.

And then there's people that think that there should be like, there should be a certain amount of women right there should be more women on this lineup right no there shouldn't no if they're funny they should be oh yeah but i look i've always said and i still maintain this day i think it's a difficult road for a woman i think there's women uh there's a lot of men that don't want to hear women talk about politics there's a lot of men who don't want to hear women uh tell them things that maybe they don't know or say comedy in a way like they're explaining things to the men there's a lot of men are sexist i think it's harder sure harder for them to talk about sex they they like christopher hitchens had a uh a whole article he wrote in vanity fair about this back in the day it was

very controversial it was called Women Aren't Funny. And all these women got really upset at him. But he was basically saying- I don't blame him. They were saying, he was saying, if you want to be a woman and be a comedian, you kind of have to adopt male characteristics. You have to either act like a slut or act like a guy or be butch. Well, I don't agree with- It's not true.

It's not true because he's not a comedian. He isn't a- No. It's not true. But what is true is it's harder. It's a harder because he's not a comedian No it's not true but What is true is it's harder It's a harder path For a woman You have to be yes it is hard

And you have to be Undeniable You have to be a dominant personality You know what I'm saying like a Roseanne Like Roseanne came out and she was not playing I'm gonna you know what I mean You have to have that energy I guess Or Sarah Silverman right She figured out her path through it she was now playing right i'm gonna you know i mean like you have to have that energy i guess or sarah silverman right she figured out her path through it she was cute but you know it was

like her she would shock you with her takes on things well it was like well crafted yes it was she was almost like a different uh totally different but like sam kennison and the fact that you'd be like oh this person's saying this and then you're like whoa whoa whoa you know it was like a joke yeah and she was pretty so it would throw you off she was charming yes yeah yeah and but rosanne was interesting in the same way kinnison was interesting because she became that person after she had a brain injury what yeah she got hit by a car just like Kinison. I didn't know either one of them got hit by a car. Yes. Before they did stand-up? Yeah, their personalities changed.

It's really interesting. They both got really hurt bad. And when you get really bad brain injuries, one of the things that happens is you become ridiculously impulsive and wild and oftentimes violent. That was the thing with Kinison. His brother wrote in the the book uh my brother sam right his brother bill wrote a book about sam and what sam was like before the accident and then after the accident he was hit by like i think he was hit by a pickup truck but like really

fucked up like brain injury and then he became a different person like he was like quiet and reserved and then just became wild and uncontrollable. Same thing with Roseanne. She went to a mental institute for nine months after she was hit by a car. How funny is that? That people have to get hit by a truck. What does that say about us?

What does it say? We're fucked. Yeah. What does it really say? Yeah. Because I believe in the different vein, but the same psychologically, I believe you have same different vein but the same psychologically I believe you have to

be at a place where you just it's almost like a existential crisis where you're like I don't care if I bomb I don't care about I don't place enough value in this planet that I give

a shit I'm going up and i'm talking about what i want to talk about it's almost like a a level of depression it's not a it goes beyond where you're just like i don't care i really don't care because people care about this public speaking yeah so much that there has to be something with us that's off where we're like i don't care or you have to develop it over time you have to develop that callousness about the way people feel about eventually yeah yeah or you got to get so good that you can know you know that even though it's so terrifying to bomb you could slip through those waters and ride the wave of success what i what i always tell people starting when they ask,

even when they don't ask, I tell them, is the audience can hate you, but they can never feel sorry for you. The one thing you're not allowed to have in comedy, in my opinion, is the one thing you're not allowed to indulge in is you can't ever be uncomfortable. Right. You can be anything.

You can be an asshole. You can be a psycho. You can be offensive. You can can be a psycho you can be offensive you can never be uncomfortable you're not allowed to be isn't it weird that you can feel it

yeah you feel it when someone's uncomfortable you're not allowed if somebody if you paid somebody to come in right now and do a set for us three

they're not allowed to be like well it's a weird set up they can't be they can say this set up sucks you pay me for this

fucker they can attack us and we'll probably love them for it right but they can't be they can say this setup sucks you pay me for this fuck they can attack us and we'll probably love them right but they can't be uncomfortable right you're paid to not be uncomfortable right no matter what yeah you can't be ashamed and you can't be uncomfortable anything else can be it's such a strange art form it's like they feel you they feel how you feel even if the words come out perfect with the perfect timing they feel how you feel even if the words come out perfect with the perfect timing they feel how you feel and they won't laugh if you if you seem uncomfortable yes yeah it's it's it's like alchemical or something it's just it is it's and it's such a it's such a uh you know i used to always hate this even though it's true as people decide how they feel about you the first 10

seconds i was like oh what the fuck is that yeah judge me in 10 seconds but the truth is when somebody comes on stage and they they don't make eye contact like with the crap like they're like either looking down or looking above yes right away the whole crowd knows and they're like what's this part they oh they uncomfortable you want then why are you being a comedian get off stage yeah you Yeah. You have to be like, I don't give a shit. Just like with a heckler. Like people had tried that time. Hey, hi,

the heckler. It's like, no, no, we're living vicariously through you in the audience. The asshole at work that we can't say that to because we'll get a fight or get our ass kicked. You have to say that too.

Yep. You know? Yeah. Even if you don't say the greatest thing, doesn't have to be the most clever thing in the world but it has to be basically fuck you you fucking idiot coming here trying to fucking ruin it god fuck this people love it because they can live vicariously through that you know well it's such a classic person too yes heckler's such a classic person the person that thinks their opinion is more important than the entire audience yeah you're gonna stand up and put a stop to it that their ego allows them to literally yell out

to the person with the microphone yeah nice shirt yeah yeah oh it's so yeah that was a another beautiful thing about the store that was terrible but also beautiful there was no crowd control oh yeah no one no one took care of the crowd no you had to develop the ability to handle shit yeah when things are going sideways no one stopped anybody no one kicked anybody out no and then eventually they did like in the you know like the new version of the store like 2014 on when i came back they would fucking clean it out, man. They wouldn't let anybody like heckle anymore.

And I was like, this is interesting. It's like these young guys coming up, this is good, but it's also bad. Yes. Because you've got to learn how to handle this chaos. And if you would go somewhere else, one of the things, you would go on the road, and if you would go on the road and people would heckle you, you're like, do you think I'm not used to this? I get heckled every night.

Yes. It's such a normal part of the experience. It has to be a normal part of the experience. I agree. Because there's nothing, even as a guy who's been in forever, when you watch a comedian and somebody heckles him and you see their faces, they're startled by it. Yes by it yes what you want to see is like okay asshole number six thousand in my life listen to me you fuck you don't even want it to be like that outraged you want to just be like oh you fuck it you like it's part of the thing you know exactly exactly there's that great bill hicks set

where he's doing that with him you know the recording remember where he's like yelling at the whole crowd like oh yeah oh you think and he just reads him the right act you just tell he's been doing it forever yeah there was a lady yelled at him and he goes he goes oh i'm a cunt he goes i got a i got a pussy so i get carte blanche i heard a uh recording of lenny Bruce from 1959. There was this guy, Hal Wilner, who just died. And he had all these old great recordings of music and everything. But he had this Lenny Bruce recording from 1959. And he just let me listen to it once.

And it was Lenny Bruce at a club going, just stop listening to me. Here's what bothers me. They always put you people at that table too. He goes, you're always at that fucking four, you know, four top. And you could tell there's a couple of couples he goes you're two couples that want to you know you think you're clay you're drunk he goes and after the show you're going to come up and go we were helping you and i was like that was in 1959 isn't that

crazy because that is what they say yeah hey we were helping you we yelled out if we didn't yell out you wouldn't even have a show yeah if you wouldn you didn't show up tonight, I would have been screwed. I wouldn't have had a show. It's funny that people actually do think that, though. Comedy is kind of like a form of hypnosis. That's what I always say. Like when a guy is on stage killing, like if you're on stage and you're killing and I'm sitting there watching, even though I know I'm a comic, I let you think for me.

You're thinking for me. So you're saying things and I'm just, I'm empty. I'm on the ride with you. I'm just letting you think for me you're thinking for me so you're saying things and i'm just i'm empty i'm on i'm on the ride with you right just letting you think for me yeah and the whole audience does it to get like it's a such a weird art form where you you were tapping into these states of mind that aren't really available to other people this the state of mind where there's a person on stage and they're they're they're crafting an experience and everyone else in the audience is sort of going along with it if it's going well and you it's accentuated by the people next to you who are also laughing at it i know and speaking of covid that's what makes you nervous you're like shit people have to be next to you yeah to really to really make it work for

an hour yeah you know i think we're going to look past this. I think they're going to come up with some sort of a treatment or something. Within two years, we're going to, at the very least, have a real appreciation for what it's like to lose this. Well, yes. And I think that Austin Comedy Club is—I'm a little too big to just run one club. How many are you going to run? Well, I mean, a chain of Southern clubs. Okay.

Where else? Nashville? I've watched probably 50 episodes of Ball Rescue, like most people, so I understand what to do when I go into the place. I understand the culture. Yeah, not Nashville, because they have Zanies. I'll respect a real institution like Zanies. Maybe you could be Comedy Club rescue and come in with like

you have to have a hook like a polka dot suit or something crazy oh all right um i was like i didn't like it then i was like yeah why not maybe blue velvet something how about a chain of like where the where the ceiling like in case COVID or something comes back, with a retractable ceiling so you can have a skylight come. Oh, okay. It's going to be expensive, but I'm sure it's a lot cheaper than it was. I think outside only works in the sun. The thing about their saying about being outside, the only good thing about outside outside is the circulation,

like people aren't breathing in your face, like the air is not trapped. But the real way that outside works is like UV light and sun is supposed to kill COVID almost instantaneously. Well, I'm going to say something. I don't care if people

get sick from COVID. I'm just, I want to market it so people think they're safe. I don't really give a shit once they pay their cover. How about a fan? This is a goddamn business.

Blows all the bad air away. You know, the guy that's working for, you know, R.J. Reynolds in 1950. Hey, listen. Cigarettes are bad. Do you think you would live outside of New York City ever, though? Seriously? You seem like you're inexorably tied to that city.

I mean, I feel like I am, but like I said, a lot of my family is moving. A lot of people I know are moving to the suburbs in the past six months, seven months. And sometimes I'm like, yeah, there's something not there in New York sometimes where I'm like, it's not how I used to feel about New York. Let's just put it that way. Maybe it's me, but I think it's the city. How long did you go without doing stand-up? How long did I go during the COVID? Four months, five months.

And then what was your first show? Was the one with the cars at the parking lot one. That was the first one. The HBO Max, yeah. The first one was a recording? Yeah. Really? Chris DiStefano was on there if you know him and he

goes yeah this is great we used to work our acts out now you're like i'm working out on hbo max wow so you you didn't warm up for it at all you just went up and did it yeah wow i didn't warm up but like you know i listened to my tapes and shoot a few times you know that's kind of crazy it was crazy but it's know, stand-up is, after you've been doing it for that long, you kind of, you know, you can still bomb, but it's a little different. Plus the crowds, you're not doing an hour.

If I was doing an hour, it's a different ballgame. I did the Houston Improv, and I did a weekend there after, I think I did it in July, so four months, five whatever it was four months in it was weird me tony hinchcliffe and brian moses and uh it was so strange it was like but it felt so good and doing an hour is a different ball game it was headlining i mean i was doing realize what headlining yeah yeah i mean they pay to see you it's a different yeah i was lucky though that i actually had already worked out this hour over a year or so so it was a real hour i had recordings i could listen to recordings i had all my notes i'd go over my notes the first show i was like can i do

this and then once i did it i was like i remember all this shit then the second like i might have fucked up a few taglines or something like that. But by the end of the weekend, it was like a real show. I was rolling. So did you, how many times did you listen to your set before you went home?

Oh, a lot, a lot. Me too. I always do. I don't play games. Yeah, I don't either. I record all my sets and I listen to them. Usually I would listen to them.

I would drive home from the store. I would listen to them on the way home. But this is the difference between people that really want to last. Yeah. If you, if you don't respect it,

you have to respect it enough to go, Hey, guess what? These people in Houston paid to see. Yes. I'm going to do my best. It might not be perfect. It's going to be the best.

I put all my effort in. Yeah. Then you really, you know, you're doing it. You might be a little clumsy if you haven't done standup in five months, but you are going to do the work that's required to get it done. And they're going to know that you care.

That's right. Yeah. The worst is when someone pays to see you and you see the person on stage with like a notebook and like, what else? What else? And they don't give a fuck. What else?

Oh, it's the worst. It's the worst because it's that feeling that you don't have a sense of urgency that these people have paid to hear you talk. Yeah. And a lot of people that it's like a little defense mechanism for them. Like, I don't give a fuck. It's just a lot of people, it's like a little defense mechanism for them. Like, I don't give a fuck.

It's just a show. Like, I always call it the Joe DiMaggio principle. Like, when I saw this article once where Joe DiMaggio was, he's like 40 years old or something. He was already in the Hall of Fame. Right. And he slid into third base. And there's this kid said, you know, you play so hard. Like, why are you doing this? Like, you're already in the Hall of Fame and this and that.

And he goes, because somewhere out there, there's someone who hasn't seen Joe DiMaggio play, and I don't want to let him down. Yeah, it's great. I remember reading that and going, that is a great way to look at it. That's a great way to look at it. Like, if people are paying to see you, they're paying money. Do you feel like he used that line on Marilyn Monroe the first time? I's probably like i don't know marilyn but you know i figure somebody's just

like what a nice guy cut to an hour later well his thing was always kind of sad right like she left him and she was banging all these other guys and they said that even after his after her death he would always show up at her grave and leave flowers. That's sad shit. Yeah. Yeah. But I also already treated her like shit. Didn't he smack her or something? Did he? I could be making up some horror. I'm slandering the name of the great American hero.

I'm calling Joe DiMaggio a wife beater based on something I may or may not have read. I don't know. Maybe. I feel like he beat her. He is Italian. I feel, yeah. Well, that's part of it. I feel like he beat her

And then Arthur Miller Emotionally abused her And the Kennedys killed her And the Kennedy Well Yeah That

Most likely That kind of stuff You do wonder You know what I mean I don't wonder You know If I had a A hundred thousand dollars

On a bet Yes or no Red or black I'm going with they killed her It certainly was a strange one Wasn't it? Well, she was apparently, she had loose lips and she fucked both of them. And she was drinking and like, I fucked this.

I fucked Bobby. Those are the most. I fucked Jack. But it was like, yeah. Yeah. But here's what I don't understand. If they killed her, they had the mob do it for them, right? Somebody. Yeah. Because, but the mob hated them. So why the mob do it for them, right? Somebody.

Yeah. But the mob hated them, so why would they do it for them? Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be the mob. I mean, you think Hillary Clinton's using the mob to whack all those people? No. But there is... Look, there's people out there that'll kill people for you, Colin. Yeah, I guess there are.

100%. Yeah, they exist yeah and they don't have a problem with it because they've killed people before it's not that hard it's it's shockingly easy to get someone to kill somebody for you yeah i guess for you know for money why not if you're a president of the united states and you got some lady who won't shut the fuck up about blowing you in the rose garden well or whatever nowadays though it's a lot harder you know what i mean because everything gets exposed on you know social media but i mean yeah back in those days you get away with it i'm sure say it to epstein i'm sure being they killed that guy when

he's in prison yeah well in prison it's easier well yeah they turn off the camera they turn off all the cameras but still but if that was in the street, 80 people have cameras. Epstein! That's true. Maybe it's easier to kill him in prison. I think it is. Yeah. It's just one camera. He's dead.

I miss him. Everybody's like, oh my God. Yeah. One was asleep and one was just... Yeah. And all the cameras are broken. I don't know what happened. Weird.

It's crazy. He broke his own neck. Strange. I guess he really feels bad about having sex with all 16 year olds i know yeah but i mean the minute that list well what about juzaine maxwell what's gonna happen with her that's a good question because she doesn't go to i don't think she goes to trial until i want to say next month i think she goes to trial this month now we're in october Jamie, when is she supposed to go on trial? You don't hear a word about that, right? No.

She's in the Jack Ruby cell. I read a fascinating book. Next year. Next year. What the fuck are they waiting for? They're trying to figure out how to kill her. I think you know what they're waiting for. That is crazy.

Next year? When next year? Next December. Yeah. When are they going to do it? Why would they wait? That's so weird. Look, they put Harvey Weinstein right in the court.

Why are they waiting for her? That's so strange. Hmm. That's so strange. Hmm. There was a report recently that Bill Clinton had an intimate dinner with her a couple years back. Juzaine? We got to talk.

Yeah. Is there a ledger? She was just denied bail recently, and current trial date is set for July 12, 2021. That's a long time. That's a long time that's a long time live 20 that's the seventh month of july of 2021 and here we are in october yeah that's crazy that's so much time to kill her yeah well i mean nowadays it'd be easy just you put covid on the side of one of the surfaces and wait for it to sniff it not good enough what about um it's not gonna kill her what about uh you were saying something about the kennedy about jack

ruby oh yeah there's a fascinating book called chaos written by this guy tom o'neill i had him on the podcast and it's all about the cia and the cia's well it's about the manson case but how this guy tom o'neill who's actually greg fitzsimmons neighbor it's about the Manson case, but how this guy, Tom O'Neill, who's actually Greg Fitzsimmons' neighbor, it's an amazing book. He researched this book over 20 years. He started writing it, and then as he was writing it, he was writing it as an article. And as he was writing the article, he kept uncovering more and more and more information. And he connected the Manson family to the CIA operatives that would give people LSD and they would run these experiments on people. And they think that they use the Manson family to discredit the hippie

movement and to experiment with what they could do with LSD. And they did it with him while he was in prison. And the guy that was involved in cia lsd operation this is all like heavily documented was the same guy who went to visit oswald excuse me jack ruby when he was in jail after he killed oswald and jack ruby like from this guy visiting him in jail immediately went crazy was hiding underneath the table was saying that they they're burning Jews in the streets, and he had a meltdown. And they think this guy dosed Jack Ruby while he was in jail and might have dosed him previous to that to get him to shoot Oswald in the first place.

Wow. It's crazy. They connect this CIA MKUltra control lsd experiments that they were doing with this guy what is his name jolly what was in jolly west jolly west who is this this operative for the cia they ran a thing called midnight operation midnight climax where they would run brothels with two-way mirrors and they would hire these hookers to give these Johns LSD, and they would watch to see how they would react. They would give them a drink, and inside the drink there would be acid.

And these poor guys thought they were going to have some sex with a lovely lady. Poor guys, they get sex and they get a free acid trip. I don't know what's so bad about it. It's not bad if you know you're going to have an acid trip. Well, what about the— It's a great book about it. It's not bad if you know you're going to have an acid trip. What about the- It's a great book, though. It's called Chaos. Chaos.

Because, you know, Gabe Kaplan, you know, he was a comedian and- Poker player. Yeah. And he worked, he told me one time, he goes, yeah, I worked for Jack Ruby. He worked for the Carousel Club, whatever the name of the club was. He worked in the Dallas, I go, what was he like? He goes, he was a real thug. He goes, he was just like, hey, get out of here. Like, he go, what was he like? He goes, he was a real thug. He goes, he was just like, hey, get out of here.

Like, he just shoved beer. You know, just, he was a real. A mob guy. Well, the Dallas mob. I mean, did you ever read that book about the Dallas mob and Lyndon Johnson and his, and the. No, what was that book? I have it on my phone.

But I mean, it was basically, it was like the most compelling argument. I felt like, wow, like the Dallas mob being involved with whoever they were involved with to go out and really kill,

you know, kill the guy. It completely makes sense. Here it is. Jamie's got it here. Betrayal in Dallas? Yes, that's it. How good is it? Oh, Jamie.

Goddamn Jamie. Jamie, you know what? Betrayal in Dallas. I'm glad you good is Oh Jamie God damn Jamie Jamie you know what Betrayal in Dallas I'm glad you didn't get tested LBJ The Pearl Street Mafia And the murder of President Kennedy Yeah Pearl Street

Good stuff Oh my god it's great Because it connects The lieutenant governor Like who was not gonna get reelected And it was all like LBJ stuff It was really good I gotta take a picture of that

So that I can Get it later So I don't forget. But the Manson thing is... The Manson thing is crazy. Tom O'Neill documents all the times they let Manson out of jail. They would arrest him while he was on parole. Right.

Clear parole violations. Right. And one of them was... That's the book right there. I can't tell you enough good things about it but they kept releasing him and one of one of the sheriffs said that it was above my pay grade like they told him the cia came to them and he'll let the guy go and they wanted him to go out and keep doing all this crazy shit and one of the reasons why they wanted to do is because they wanted to

discredit the anti-war movement like the cia and the government at the time was involved in a lot of like really shady shit right and one of the time was involved in a lot of like really shady shit right and one of the reasons why they were doing that was because they were trying to stop what they thought was this uh subversive movement sure to try to get us out of vietnam right right and this was a part of it i mean the kennedy thing was a part of it too i guess really yeah you know for sure i mean they just happen to have the happy uh i mean this book i was talking about is more like the dallas mafia but i'm sure the cia said hey if it's going to help us you know i mean they were together in the bay of pigs so why don't we be together well it's really crazy that the video of the kennedy assassination

the zapruder film was actually put on television by a comedian dick gregory dick gregory brought that to geraldo rivera's tv show and i think it was 10 years after the murder something it might have been 12 no like 75 tv shows like 74 i remember yeah it was back when people had bell bottoms on and shit yep and dick gregory brought that film there it is good night america 75 there it There it is. Wow. Does that say 75? Yeah. Yeah. March 6th, 75. Look how blurry it is.

Yeah. Good Night America. That's how the screens used to look. Yeah. And so they played the Kennedy. I mean, because Dick Gregory, what a fascinating guy he was. Yeah. Great fucking comic, too.

Great comic. A lot of people don't even know how good he was. Well, Time Life had this, they had purchased this after the assassination in 63, and they held onto it all these years, and they played it on television. And I remember Geraldo Rivera telling people, this is going to be very disturbing. And you could see him getting shot, and you see his head going back and to the left. And everybody was like, wait, what the fuck is going on?

That's the first time? And seeing him grab his neck where he got shot in the front, in the neck. And they tried to, in the autopsy, they had two different versions of it. In Dallas, they said it was an entry wound. And then in Bethesda, Maryland, when they looked at him there, they said, oh, no, that was a tracheotomy. They shot him in the neck, shot him in the back, shot him in the neck, shot him in the head.

They were shooting at him from different angles. It was more than one person. Oh, yeah. I guarantee. Yeah, I mean, I don't guarantee, but a lot of people don't think. That's the weirdest argument when people think that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. That is one of the weirdest arguments that the weird mental gymnastics that people have to play with themselves to get to the position where they think Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

Yeah. Well, I'd like to see a movie. I mean, JFK was good for what it was, but I'd like to see a movie about all the people that got killed in the aftermath. Oh, a lot of people. That would be a good movie. There's a book called best evidence by this guy david lifton and david lifton was an accountant who was hired to do something with the

kennedy assassination i forget what he was hired to do but he went over the entire warren commission and you know it's a huge many you know many many many many pages right and he found all these inconsistencies and all these things wrong with it and all these things that don't make any sense and he realized like they put this together to try to wrap it up tight and and and make it seem like there was an obvious conclusion but it it wasn't an examination like an objective examination of the assassination because in those days the the mob and the cia were as powerful as any and they were not playing. They would just tell you, look, man, if you do this, come on, don't do this. They wouldn't even have to tell you what was going to happen.

You knew what was going to happen. They killed the president. They're like, don't do this. If we kill them, you don't think we'll kill you? And so many of the people that were witnesses wound up dead. So many of the people. There's some hit list. In-depth investigation into the mysterious death of witnesses. Richard Belzer.

Ah, Belzer. belzer is a nut how funny is that how funny and he's a conspiracy guy oh he's so deep but how funny is isn't that title of his book you know because he lost the testicle of cancer his conspiracy book is called one lone nut that's pretty funny it's pretty funny he had another book called UFOs, Bigfoot, and Flying Saucers, I think. Elvis, Bigfoot, and Flying Saucers. UFOs, JFK, and Elvis. That's it. Thank you.

That's another book that I read of his that is an all conspiracy theory book. Yeah, no, he's all about conspiracy theories. I had a conversation with him. I only met him once. But we had a long conversation about UFOs and Bigfoot and aliens and he's a

that motherfucker believes everything right he's like he's all in yeah some people are just predisposed to be

they love them I think they just you know who's another one like that Dan Aykroyd oh really oh my god I had him on the podcast

he believes in everything ghosts, psychics you name it really all that extraterrestrial life all of it everything's real he probably thinks the com it really all that extraterrestrial all of it everything's real he probably thinks the crystal skulls all of it everything he's all in well i was like really it was it was a weird conversation i was like like he didn't have any skepticism but

it wasn't like who fucking knows there was none of that it There was none of that. He was all in. All in. All in on psychics. All in on Bigfoot. All in on UFOs. He was all in. He was the oldest 23-year-old. He was on SNL when he was 23. Was he really? Yes.

He seemed like he was like 40. Yes. But I like this idea. Great guy, though. I like this idea. Yeah. But I like this idea of doing this, all the people that got killed after JFK. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not discrediting Belzer's book, but it doesn't look like the kind of thing I was envisioning. I want it written by some investigative reporter, not by a stand-up. They all got murdered, parked their cars on train tracks, jumped off of buildings. On my days off at Austin Comedy, I'm going to drive to Dallas two days a week and start researching for the movie. One thing you do if you do drive around there, this is another thing that drove me crazy. Everybody's like, well, the scope on the rifle didn't even work. Like, what are you talking about?

How do you know it didn't work? Right. Like, what does that mean? Because when they got it, it didn't work? If you have a scope on a rifle and you just drop rifle that scope doesn't work really yeah like a scope on a rifle is of like if you fall and this happened to me once on a hunting trip i fell and my rifle was off and we took it back to the range it was off by six inches at 100 yards with a like on a rest where you just squeeze off rounds it was it was when you knock a rifle like if you fall

down and the rifle drops it's gonna adjust the scope and you're shooting a bullet you know a couple hundred yards or a hundred yards any little wiggle like if it's a an eighth of an inch to the left or the right you're gonna be way off by the time it gets to the target so when all these people were saying well the scope on the rifle didn't even work well, like, what are you talking... You don't know that. Like, they found this thing sitting... He could have dropped it after he shot JFK.

I think Lee Harvey Oswald was probably in on it. I think he was probably in on it. He's probably one of them. But I think they definitely... Like, when he said he was a patsy... Yeah. Like, yeah, most likely. Yeah, most likely he was a patsy.

He came in... By the way, what was a better description of the jfk assassination than full metal jacket that was a great one yeah outstanding yeah so yeah that was really beautiful it was the way he said it like it was just like hey guess what yeah life is life is hard here's what i say about this thing also letting prepping these guys to be killers yes and that what you're rewarding is someone who's really good at killing even if you shot the fucking president yeah it's like i don't give a shit what happened i'm just telling you this guy's a marine what is this guy emory lee emory really emory yeah god damn he was good he was so good in that role well didn't they say he was there to advise And then they just hired him Play that let me hear that

It's not working What do we got here Is it no audio in the Actual So sad This is a professional show here that was spotify yeah but look even the way they shot it like there's clouds overhead yeah dreary i bet he loved the fact that it was dreary that day too he got it i don't know who charles whitman was none of you dumb asses know private cowboy sir he was that guy who shot all those people from that tower in austin texas sir that's affirmative charles whitman killed 12 people from a 28-story

observation tower at the university of texas from distances of up to 400 yards anybody know who lee har Harvey Oswald was? Private Snowball. Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir. That's right. And do you know how far away he was? Sir, it was pretty far from that Brooks repository building, sir.

All right, knock it off. 250 feet. He was 250 feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt-action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a headshot. Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot? Private Joker.

Private Joker. Sir! In the Marines, sir! In the Marines. Outstanding. those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do and before you ladies leave my island you will all be able to do the same thing that's great dialogue kubrick was so good what one motivated individual he's like

doesn't matter what it means in the grand scheme of things we're Marines I'm just telling you something for here training you but it was such a great scene too

because Kubrick is really highlighting like what has to go on when you're taking a regular kid and turning him into a killer yeah yeah

like you're you're really brainwashing him I know that was brainwashing yeah oh absolutely yeah they all say they they all say they Kubrick was so good his movies were so Yeah, yeah. Like, you're really brainwashing them. I know. That was brainwashing. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

They all say that. Gilbert's so good. His movies were so goddamn good. You know, he used to do, like, complex mathematics in his spare time. He did? Yeah, for fun. Well, I don't understand what complex mathematics is, but one time I was in an elevator with Norm MacDonald, and we were in the elevator with these guys,

because Norm MacDonald in an elevator is very Macdonald and we're in the elevator with these guys because Norm Macdonald in an elevator is very you know he'll just just he will literally say the worst thing you can say about somebody and then

leave and you're left there with all the people that's his thing one of his things but there's two guys who are talking about some complex

mathematic thing this is in the late 90s at 30 rock and they're saying this like we I didn't even understand what language it was it

was a really deep mathematic thing. And then Norm MacDonald, who had never brought up math or anything like that to me in his life, goes, and starts speaking to them

in this, like, what sounded like tongues. And they're like, oh, you know, and they start speaking the binary,

and he goes, and he starts speaking this mathematic talk, and then they leave and then he goes to me like yeah yeah those guys are nerds or something like that and i was like how do you know that how did you know what they were talking about how did he know he's he's he's like oh you know he's a nerd too see he knows something deep like he knows these things sometimes he's a very smart guy really smart yeah those guys are just you know he'll just pretend

not to know something yeah that's like and then you're like smart. One of those guys who just, you know, he'll just pretend not to know something. And then you're like, well, anybody who walks in the room, he just knows what they're talking about, you know? Yeah. He's the guy that really should have had a podcast a long fucking time ago. And I know he's doing something now. He just sent me a text message the other day that he's starting to do a podcast now. Hey, Joe. I'm doing a podcast.

Doing that thing we talked about. He should have done a lot because he had that show on Netflix, but they muzzled him when he went on the Howard Stern show. Right. And he was saying something, and he didn't want to say retarded, so he said, you'd have to have Down syndrome to believe that. He thought that would be a better thing to say. But here's the thing about norm i'm still not sure if he thought that would be a better thing to say right because he's

so smart he might have been doing it as a double troll yeah no norm is capable of the double troll it's like yeah i don't want to say retarded down syndrome the double troll exactly yes he's the master of that stuff i randomly wound up sitting next to him on planes twice on two different occasions just like i go norm like out of nowhere and he's sitting next to me and one time he's we're sitting there we're talking and we're having a good old time and then he's talking about oh i quit smoking he's telling me how he quit smoking and fucking yeah finally quit smoking and he's telling me all these quit smoking and fucking yeah finally quit smoking and he's telling me all these things then when he lands he literally like you can't stop him so runs into the

airport store and buys cigarettes and he's lighting it as he's leaving i go i thought you quit he goes i did but all that talking about smoking makes me want one and he's like before he even got out the door he's lighting the cigarette he just couldn't stop himself but i like he goes all that talking he's the one talking about all that talking he always puts it on you that's what's great about it but it was he's like this guy he talks about smoking he got me back smoking but it was so crazy because i was like that's great norm it's so great you quit and he's like i want a cigarette no he always do like but again i mean i don't drink you know i quit drinking and it was like oh really did you drink a lot yeah i quit i finally had to

quit you know it's hard but i did it and they're like oh he goes yeah because i got fucking wasted last night and i said i'm never gonna drink again i was drunk and people like wait i think you quit yeah i quit that's what i'm saying you know he's always last night yeah it's like an elaborate like abedin exactly well the gambling too he fucking loves gambling yeah loves it oh yeah yeah but that's a thing like a lot of these great comics are like really impulsive yeah it's like something about like the ability to say some of the crazy shit that he says yeah it's you have to have this this like hot wire yeah it's just like yeah you just want to touch it ah yep oh no he's he's uh one for the books yeah the the conspiracy theory thing is an interesting it's an interesting little uh obsession that a lot of people have

yeah like the the wanting to uncover these secrets the wanting to to know get to the bottom of things find out how it all works who killed epstein who killed kennedy right yeah because well the kennedy one is so it really the what's so amazing too is you see the country change because almost like subconsciously the whole country knew that this was something else that was kind of the beginning of the destruction and downfall. Now, you know, maybe I'm- And 57 fucking years ago too. That's what's crazy.

And there's still, yeah, there's still- Still mystery and it's like they got away with it. Whoever did it got away with it. Whoever did it is long gone. Yeah. This idea that everybody gets caught for things like not not everything is an episode of law and order no and they took all those anytime they interview those mob guys you know they all say that stuff you know what i mean they all say yeah well i heard this i heard that i don't know

but this is what i heard yeah you know and i'm sure it's you know it's a badge of honor to go yeah i know what's happening, but still. Yeah. Well, that was the other weird thing about New York for years and years and years, right, is that New York was essentially run by the mob. And Giuliani helped clean that up, too. Oh, yeah. He busted their wall.

I mean, he helped clean it up in the 80s. Yeah. He did that commission case. You know what I mean? It's crazy how this one guy, Giuliani, was responsible for a lot of the improvement in New York City. Yeah. A lot. Oh, yeah.

I mean- Sometimes it takes one guy like that. He's like the Buford Pusser of New York City. Because the- Walking tall. Taking the fish market down was- Everybody was going, he's going to get killed. Really? When he became mayor, he went after the fish market down was, I was, everybody was going, he's going to get killed. Really?

When he became mayor, he went after the fish market. Explain to people the whole... You know, the mob ran, like Joe was saying, sanitation. Even things like, I was in the restaurant union, so I didn't know. I spanked my dues. I'm like an idiot. But like, all, they ran the restaurant,

but when you run the restaurant union, you don't just run the bartenders and the waiters. You run the linen supply. Like the mob was linen supply. And the liquor distributors. Like all the mob kids when they weren't, you know, when they were just related to somebody, they'd be driving the liquor trucks. You know, it was all, it was, you know, and the food, the meat, you know. Remember they had the famous thing with Frank Perdue and chicken and stuff.

So they really ran like, you know, they'd run an industry, but there's like 20 jobs that are close to that industry where they're involved, you know, and. And a lot of guys had no-show jobs. And all those no-show jobs. I had a buddy, the Javits Center. Exactly. You just said it.

I had a friend of mine who had a no-show job at the Javits Center. Oh, yeah. I knew a few people that worked over there at Javits Center. What is that? Look at Giuliani back then. Look at that. Right, right. Yeah.

He said the mafia put an $800,000 bounty on his head. Sure. Isn't it amazing that they didn't kill him? It's amazing that they didn't. Yeah, I guess there was still a few of the old-timers that, like, we don't do. You know what I mean? It was still that thing about the United States, like, we don't kill them doing their job, I guess, you know? I guess.

I think they probably tried. They just couldn't get to it. Maybe, yeah. But it was also that law that was, you know, that guy that, it all came from that RICO law. you know, they, that guy that it all came from that Rico law. There was some professor just came up with this law and somebody in the DA's office,

somebody goes, that's a great, we could use that law. I forget how it worked, but that was an interesting story. Racketeering. Yeah. It was just some guy that had this concept of a law,

but he wasn't, it was like upstate New York or something. You know what I mean? And that's how they got them all. And that's how they ended up taking, I mean, they're still around, obviously,

you know, but it's, you ever hear that guy, Michael Francesi, you know who that is i've seen him be interviewed interesting guy fascinating charismatic guy right what's fascinating that he's just out there running around yeah but i guess he didn't write anybody out or something you know so it's just like and i said you know that generation's gone so they're probably just like oh the hell with it but you know what the fuck was the guy's name the the hitman for uh for goddy that oh sammy the bull sammy the bull gravana right yeah he's out too like people have interviewed him too like long interviews long form interviews they said talked to him about you know i mean he's a murderer just out there wandering around yeah

and even got arrested later in his life for selling ecstasy. Ecstasy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was trying to get, you know, he was trying to keep young. He said it was his. Hitman Sammy the Bull Gravano is now a social media star promoting his own podcast and showing off his cozy new family life in Arizona.

35 years after turning on the Gambino family and John Gotti. Wow. He's 75. And he's just starting his he's like norm he's just starting the pot they should do a podcast together look at him there two guys that should have done one years ago great he does look good he looks great he's 75 he looks fucking great well they always said about him was he would go to the gym the other guys would go out he wouldn't stay out late at night you know that's kind of crazy and he's doing a podcast just like hillary clinton

couple of murderers doing podcasts yeah look how good he looks though that's so weird uh joe he doesn't look that good i don't know why you keep saying go back to that go back to that picture come on if i look that good at 75 come on look at that he looks fucking good there. You got to admit. For a 75-year-old guy? Yeah, I mean, he looks... Using the same microphones we use, Jamie. Coincidence?

He looks 65. No. They're very good. He looks good. Oh, it's just because you show a nice smile like that. He's about 62. He looks about 62, all right. 13 years younger than he really is.

That's what I say For that picture Yeah You think his podcast any good? Yeah Would you be a guest? I bet it's I don't know I don't go on that many

I don't like going on that many podcasts How many have you been on? Plus what would he ask me? Let me ask You know these mob guys They're not the best comedy Maybe he is Maybe him and Michael Francesi

Could tell stories Well Francesi seems more like You know like he was like Yeah More like a guy like the best comedy maybe yes maybe him and michael francese could tell stories well francese seems more like indeed you know like he was like uh you know yeah more like a guy like the we would understand he is a very charismatic guy yes yeah but um who knows sammy the bull might be you know what i mean he's got that street he's got that street intelligence and how many guys are in jail for life from selling pot they're watching these guys doing these podcasts. They've killed nine people. Go, what the fuck kind of shit is this?

Yeah, what kind of lawyer did I have? The lawyer's like, listen. Where's the $100 million? The bad news. Oh, franchisee, there's $100 million missing? Oh, he's got $100 million buried somewhere? He's got to look at it. $100 million?

See, he looks like a former mob boss. Oh, yeah. Look at that nice suit he's wearing. Yes. Really well-dressed. And how is he out? How much time did he have to do? I don't know, but he did.

I know he was in jail, but he wasn't in there for murder. He was in there for some kind of gasoline. There was a big gasoline thing in the 80s. I don't know how they did it, but it was one of those things with the russian mob i think he was involved with them in some way yeah he sold billions of gallons of gas the family would collect the state and local gas taxes but keep the money instead at the same time they were often selling the gas at lower prices than legitimate gas stations the mid-1980s fortune magazine listed Francesi as number 18 on its list of top 50 wealthiest and most powerful gangsters in the world.

That can't be good for your career. He made billions of dollars over the years, not only for himself, but for the five families as well. By 1984, his greatest net worth was a staggering $20 billion, making him one of the richest gangsters of all time. Wait a minute. Nobody's worth $20 billion. Nobody is worth $20 billion in 1984.

Says he was. Wikipedia's lying. Even Bill Gates wasn't worth $20 billion in 1984. In 1985, Franchese was indicted on 14 counts of racketeering, counterfeiting and extortion in the gasoline bootleg racket. In 1986, Francesi pleaded guilty on two counts. He was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison with $14 million in restitution payments.

That guy's worth $20 billion. That ain't shit. So that's where the $100 million is. So what is he doing now? First of all, if he has $20 billion, why is only $100 million buried? I would have buried $10 billion. That's a good question. Keep scrolling down that page.

I was going to try to find the $20 billion thing. What does it say at the bottom? I want to find out what happened here. If that was me. When did he get out? He's a motivational speaker now. This is how you steal. He got out in 89.

He got resentenced for violating his parole terms. What did he do to get... Arrested for tax fraud in LA. Sent back to New York. He started making the balance of the court order restitution payments earlier that year. Prosecutors also said Francesi was not considered by the government to be a cooperating witness. That's why he's alive. He was released in 94.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Interesting. Oh, yeah. So he made an autobiography. Well, he sounds like a fucking hustler, right? Yeah.

He's been interviewed by Jim Rohn. He's obviously a smart guy. He persuaded New York Yankees players who owed money to the Colombo Lone Sharks to fix baseball games for betting purposes. Holy shit. 2003, Franchese published Blood Covenant, an updated and expanded life story. He's out now. I mean, he's out there doing things now.

He's out for 25 years. But I mean, he's out there doing things. I saw him being interviewed by somebody recently on YouTube. Yeah. Because I'm sure, you know, like you said, if he didn't cooperate and most of those guys are dead anyway wait a minute they contacted me yeah really recently i got a request to have him on step bring him on i don't know if i want him to know where we are

good point just in case you piss him off yeah there he is okay he's being viewed no he's yeah but that value attainment guy that guy does a very good show he's being viewed No he's Yeah but that Valuetainment guy That guy Does a very good show He's on On YouTube Yes

He's very good Oh yeah yeah He's very good That's why I've seen him This guy Yeah he's got a bunch of YouTube shows Look how

Confident And comfortable that guy is Out of jail Looking good Nice little pocket scarf Yeah Gentleman Like a Looks like a real mobster Yeah Yes. That guy is out of jail, looking good, nice little pocket scarf. Yeah. Gentleman.

Looks like a real mobster. Yeah. I wonder if he was at the Palm Shores Club that night. I'll never know. When I was friends with Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimmons lived in Little Italy, and he lived right above the social club where John Gotti and all those guys used to go he lived right there and i went to visit him i was like jesus greg like he was right there hilarious yeah he like he he he rented this place from like this old italian couple oh that's really yeah he was right there like right you see those guys walking down the street walking to the social club oh my god they

probably had him checked out, making sure he wasn't, you know. A guy like him could be a federal agent, you know. But this is Simmons. How's that look? If they saw his act, they'd know. There's no way. He's too funny.

It's also like those days, like when the mob ran New York. It's like the mob ran Vegas. Everybody has these romantic notions of those days. But again, it's just like gritty New York City. Sure.

As long as they weren't fucking you over. Exactly. Yeah. It's all fun until you're trying to, you know, get paid.

Like that great Richard Pryor routine. Remember that one? What was that? Oh, right, right, right. Trying to get paid by the mob. The guy's just laughing

when he pulls a gun out. The good old days. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, but yeah, of course you miss New York, whatever flavor,

you know, you take, that's what you miss is whatever that other intangible thing was. Yeah. The madness. But it did get,

like you said, Times Square cleaned up. It was the worst. Times Square was horrible. I mean, I hated Times, everybody hated Times Square. And then it got cleaned up and right away we're like,

yeah, it looks like Disneyland. It did get to be like a big Applebee's, like we were saying. It really did get real. It became like just real chain. Yes, chain restaurants. I feel like that was one of the downfalls was chains, but they're the only ones that could do it. You know what I mean?

Like small business owners weren't going to be in, know they weren't able to afford the rents yeah and the small business owners were all porn stores before that well that was also when you got there like carolines changed yes carolines was right on broadway and i remember carolines at one point in time was like you guys none of you people are from here like carolines became like this tourist trap right you know yes like if you want like if you did gotham you got new york city people yeah but if you did carolines you were kidding like all tourists yeah it was weird they're all from kansas and shit yeah first time in new york well people would say that if you want to a good uh test of iraq to see if it would work nationally

was carolines that's what it became yeah because like you said it was really tourists yeah but it a good test of your act to see if it work nationally was Caroline's. That's what it became. Yeah. Cause like you said, it was really tourists. Yeah. But it wasn't always like that. When I lived in New York,

Caroline's was like a real New York club. I know. Yeah. But because they cleaned up time square, they cleaned up Caroline's too. Yeah. Because people didn't want us to go to time square in the old days. I mean, in the eighties,

nobody wants to go to time square unless you were up to some devious behavior. There was no point to being there. Is Dangerfield still open? Dangerfield is exactly the same. How is it possible that it's still open? Well, maybe ask your buddy. Talk to Fred Cheney. He's selling gas in the back.

Dangerfield has not changed in 35 years. I was there like Three years ago I was laughing so hard I used to love that club Oh I love it You do third Cause you do You could really work out

Oh nobody was there Nobody's there 30 minute sets Yeah Do you remember Bobby The doorman Yeah of course Bobby

Big old fucking Scottish guy Yes Power lifter Bobby I saw him pick a man up By his neck Some guy was heckling He grabbed the man

Bobby was an enormous Human being Yeah Grabbed the man by his neck. Some guy was heckling. He grabbed the man. Bobby was an enormous human being. Yeah. Grabbed the man by his neck and lifted him up in the air. Carried him out. Like he had one hand on his belt, one hand on his neck. Because he was such a tank. He picked the guy up like the guy was an empty suitcase. But even that's an old school technique for a bouncer.

By the belt and the neck. Just. Is that the greatest? Yeah. Bobby. Yeah. Bobby. He goes. You'd get off stage, you'd get killed.

He goes, oh, you tricked him again with that bag of shite for an act. It was a great place because I knew that Kinison had performed there and Roddy Dangerfield did those Dangerfield specials there. I mean, it was his spot. It was amazing. But you would go there and it was was like why is this place empty yeah i don't understand yeah they made all the money in prom season and i guess i did prom shows there i did them with otto and george oh otto and george and i did prom shows uh those were fun they were wild they were wild they never they never rotated the show they would just put in more people like

and they told you to they told you to never change your act because they wanted people to leave so if folks don't know what prom shows are prom shows are you would get there and this is no bullshit you might do a 7 p.m show and you might do five shows a night so your last show might be like two o'clock in the morning. Yeah. And you would leave there. It would be light out. Yep. I mean, it was crazy. It really didn't make any sense.

And they're all 17 years old. High school kids. And they're leaving their prom, and they would get them in there on limos and pump them into the club. And the kids were hammered and drunk. Yep. Yeah. I saw a kid go on stage. He took the microphone away from Al Lubell and blew cigar smoke in his face. I was like, I saw a kid go on stage and took the microphone away from Alou Bell

and blew cigar smoke in his face. I was like, Jesus, this is rough. This is a rough show. It was wild, man. And they were so dumb, these kids. They were so stupid. Otto and George was on. He was fucking hilarious.

And this kid's like, I could see his lips moving. His lips are moving. He was mad that you could see the ventriloquist's lips. Oh, he didn't even care that it was some of the funniest fucking material so funny do you remember when uh he had a kennedy head did you ever see when otto and george had a kennedy head he you know george the dummy he had rigged this thing up where george's head would flap back and it would like expose his brain

and he was working on this thing we would have like a kennedy head and he said he goes yeah i want to get it so it squirts blood so i could get blood to squirt out of his head i mean it was really i mean i guess they're all like that but he is such a sick relationship with that goddamn george oh it was weird it was like an episode of the twilight zone it really was yeah it was Yeah a couple of people Told stories about the time They'd be out And you know

Somebody would say something And then Otto would just Go crazy and attack them For verbally abusing the dummy Well a Puerto Rican guy Stabbed the dummy That's right On stage one day

That's right That's right I don't remember where that was But I remember the story I remember the story too He would sometimes Have to check on the dummy Like open the trunk

I gotta check on George Yeah And pop the trunk. He was with a girl one time. I forget that story. But it was something with the girl. And she said something about the dummy. Goes, he stays with me.

And he went crazy. And she just ran out of the house. Because she's like, he's a psycho. I don't really blame her. Do you remember that episode? The Twilight Zone? Where the guy's dummy starts talking to him? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yeah, there's something about dummy acts. Duncan Trussell used to have this dummy, and someone stole it. His dummy was Little Hobo. And Little Hobo, in the act, the dummy was his grandfather's dummy. And his grandfather had died, and his grandfather's dying wish was that Duncan would bring Little Hobo on stage one last time before he buried him

with his grandpa. So he'd have the dummy on stage, and time before he buried him with his grandpa. So he'd have the dummy on stage, and then the dummy would start talking to him. He's like, wait a minute. How the fuck are you talking? It was like this crazy thing where the dummy would take him over, and he would play Pink Floyd. He would sing along. There it is.

That's Duncan and Little Hobo. And people did – I took him with me to the UK, and they did not know what to fucking expect wish you were here so he would play that song pink floyd song wish you were here and him and the dummy would be singing at the same time two different voices because he had like it synced up he had like a whole setup with recordings and everything it was amazing that's great living in a fishbowl year after year. And his eyes would roll back in his head and the dummy would be singing.

It was amazing. And people would believe it? Oh, no. They would love it. It was so good. It was such a good routine. And then someone fucking stole Little Hobo. Someone stole it.

And so he had to get a new Little Hobo. And the new Little Hobo was even creepier. He hasn't done it in forever. I would love for him to do that routine again. would that be his closure yeah oh yeah you couldn't follow a little hobo is it in there give me give me some volume we got a problem with our system i just thought of it i have to mute like five different things one last chance on stage and dedicate a song to my grandfather is that okay with you guys if i do that that's not what you were here oh oh oh that was that was that was when someone was getting married that satanist was his name stanton levy anton levy yeah i took a photo with that guy and

Anton LaVey's, yeah. I took a photo with that guy, and nuts online are convinced that that's the evidence that I am a Satanist. Because the guy took it, he was doing like the devil horns and shit. And he was getting married, and Duncan performed at his wedding. And I had to go, because it was the craziest fucking shit ever. Duncan was there, and they hired him to do his little hobo routine at this guy's Satanic wedding. So he couldn't use wish you were here he had to use they're like you know we're more into this kind of like heavy metal things like no no he did wish you were here that was that was the program the uh because uh yeah it's hard to it's hard to take a satanist seriously when he does this

the devil horns yeah you know but he was a father didn't go for that kind of stuff. I think he was the grandson or the son of a famed, of Anton LaVey. I forget what it was. Grandson. But their idea of what Satanism is is a little different. Like, you know, you think, oh, he worships the devil. Their Satanism was like hedonism, really, what it was like. It was like giving in to your carnal instincts and just living for the moment doing whatever you wanted to do but i don't necessarily think now i sound like

that's what the grandson said the son of the grandson whatever satan apologist they were trying to explain it to me i'm like so you believe in the devil you worship the devil like what is this well they're just a day it's like you know the grandfather probably was a real deal i think it was just, they're being silly. It's like Bob Dylan versus Jacob Dylan. Jacob Dylan's talented, but you know, Bob is just, it's a different, you know, different kind of talent. Yeah.

Jacob's like pop. He's got great songs. Yeah. Yeah. But he's not like Anton LaVey. Where did that guy, where the fuck did Jacob Dylan go? I don't know. I met him back in the day when uh i was filming fear factor his kids

were like fear factor fans right and they came to watch one of the uh episode i met kenny g that way too you did they came to the episode yeah they came to watch it but the episodes were like outside yeah yeah they came to watch yeah they came to watch like people eat dicks and stuff. Wow. Yeah. There's Duncan. What is this? It's the evolution of. Oh, that's two little hobos? It was a wild night.

Oh, okay. So he did some experimental work. I see that. That was like that painter, I forget his name, but it's like, yeah, I see what he's doing He had different phases Of his Yeah His career Well that's the problem When you have a closer like that Then you just You just

You can't really get inspired To keep working Because you're like This closer's gonna change It was weird to follow Because I brought him with me On the road Oh my god

You should've made him Come back up and do it at the end No it was awesome It was fun It was fun That's so funny So colin clinton what happens with you now where do you go where do you go from here that's the question you need to do stand up again where do we all go from here well maybe um i don't know like legitimately

oh have you thought about it where am i gonna i don't know i mean i write you know i'm right every i write every day i'm writing scripts I'm writing books I'm doing all that stuff you write every day yeah something do you sit down at a specific time and do it or

no I don't have that discipline you know but I make sure I write you know but I'm like I'm sure like every comic like I'll write like five days in a row

and I'll be like I'm a beast I'm really good I'm a disciplined person and then the next day I'll just be like I just start eating and you know

Like any Narcos offshoot show Any show that's related in any way to Narcos Is the greatest show to me On Netflix Why do you like Narcos? I just love all those shows I love Fowda

The Israeli one That's another Netflix show I only watched the first two seasons of Narcos. You did? Once it wasn't Pablo Escobar anymore, I kind of lost my interest. Was that guy not the... Well, they did it in Mexico. It was great, too.

But nobody was as good as that guy that played Pablo Escobar. He's incredible. Because most evil, like, even what I expected to see Pablo Escobar was, like, this guy that's like, rah, and he's just playing this other thing. Yeah. This dull kind of banality of evil guy. Yeah. he's just playing this other thing this dull kind of banality of evil guy yeah who's just like looking and then just oh boy was he an actor i believed it though me too that's i mean all in all in when he confronts those cops yeah on the uh yes on the

bridge yes and he's like silver lead it's your choice your choice. And they're like, oh, take the silver. Silver. Oh, shit. The fuck. Yeah, that's a great. It's just, again, like I got a huge photo of Pablo Escobar in the old studio. Huge. Of his mugshot with his big smiling face.

Yeah. And people would see it in the photos because I'd take pictures with the guests in front of the werewolf with this Pablo Escobar photo. And people get mad. They'd be like, you're celebrating this guy. He was terrible to Colombia. For me, as an outsider who loved that narco show, I was like, look at this chaos, this fucking guy who controlled Colombia for so many years and made so much money selling Coke.

But for the people that had to deal with it, it's the same as the romantic notions of Times Square. Exactly. It's like all, and even me, who knows better. That photo. Oh, God. That huge mug shot. We had like a five-foot version of that at our podcast studio in LA. Well, that's funny because that shot, and he probably loves that shot and probably hates

that other shot, where he's as fat as a house. That can't be him, can it? With the wife, yeah. That's not him. That's him. All those pictures are him Jesus Boy he let himself

Go full apart Well he's just doing Coke and drinking I mean what a party That guy led Until the end I mean he never really Got the hair under control

You know all that money He should wear a hat What kind of hat Yeah how about that In front of the White House For a kid Fucking wild It's weird when you front of the White House Fucking wild It's weird when you go by the White House

How close it is to the street Yeah, I know It's confusing It's crazy How has nobody fucking shot that place full of holes yet? No, they probably Bedroom's probably in the back Well, even if it was

Still It's weird how close it is Because back then You know, you had muskets It wasn't I'd like the bedroom up front, wouldn't you? So you can look out and say,

hey, people don't realize the president's looking at you. You live wild. You live on the edge. Yeah, why not? Right there.

We don't live in the back of the White House. That's why you're never going to be president. That's one of the reasons, yeah. You might be able to be president.

You know a lot about politics, probably more than any comic I know, next to Dave Smith. I feel like, I feel like I would be a good president but that's that's the first step you have to be deluded narcissistic enough that's why i think that book you were a good president yeah to think i could do this i have two copies of that narcissism book if you want it uh i like the idea better that we save him the green room just to watch the fury and then we film. I mean, Joe, I hope we're going to have some cameras in this thing. We film the anger in their faces when they say, he's gave this book to me. I feel like you're honestly considering moving here.

Yeah. Well, I do love the idea of it. Do you really? Yeah. Like legitimately, all bullshit aside, you would move here? I don't know. Ron White lives here. I don't know if I would move here.

Do you know Ron White? Sure. Yeah, he's here but i i don't know i don't know ron white well enough where it would influence my move i can introduce you to no i mean i know him it's not i don't think he'll sweep my feet no that's ron white's lifestyle and my lifestyle would not be yeah you could just hang out while he drinks i'll drink for both of us i'd rather no i'd rather do i'd rather watch you do like like whatever violent stuff, you know, like throwing spears.

I don't know what you're doing on the ranch, but shit like that is more interesting to me. Okay. You know what I mean? Like all that, I'm sure you got like archery.

I'm sure you got all kinds of fun stuff to do. My old studio, I had an inside range. I had a 45 yard indoor range. You did? Oh yeah. Yeah.

I had a rubber elk that I'd shoot arrows into. Are you going to get all kinds of stuff like that? Of course Yeah 100% That's kinda cool Yeah Yeah

The next place where we have a studio Will 100% have a range Oh I thought you meant in the house Uh I have it in my house too Right Yeah Right

No I have it in my house But I mean the next studio I'll have a range I like to do it after shows It clears my mind That's good Have you ever practiced archery Yeah

Once Really I tried it It's fun It was fun Just something about Hitting a target Something about letting it go

Yeah Yeah It's like seeing that arrow Hit it's mark It's great Yes Cleansing for the mind I feel like that was

I feel like I feel like The invention of guns Took a lot of the purity out of war. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. In the old days.

But even archers, really. Think about it. You're fighting with sword. You're used to a certain... And suddenly all these asshole archers that are thousands of yards back just, you know, release the archers, you know. Well, the craziest shit was catapults, right? Yes.

They just launch a ball-covered flaming tar flying at you. That's how they took Constantinople. I was watching this thing all night, and I was like, man, those goddamn catapults. They didn't expect them, you know. And they just, yeah, flaming ball. They just took it down. They were like, what is this? So when I do open up a club out here, I'm going to send out the signal.

I'm going to let you know. But honestly, I would love it if you came by at least and worked. Of course I would. And I will test everybody now that we've got the rapid testing. We can get results in 15 minutes. I think we could do a whole crowd in an hour. I think if you have an 8 o'clock show and tell people to get there at 7. Yes.

200 people. You could do it inside an hour. Easy. Get a staff of nurses. Everybody's masked up until you get tested. Wouldn't be that hard to do. I mean, yeah, if you even have to by then. But I mean, I love the idea.

Yeah. And people want to get there early. Plus, it'll get people there early. Nothing worse than a bunch of latecomers. Exactly. Then when they come inside, they can have a drink once they pass yeah you can take your fucking mask off and live like a person yeah you're inside you don't have to worry everybody's been cleared everybody's been tested i love it i love it too i love the fact that right now i'm clear you're clear outside you know it i

know it feels great it does feel great yeah today i think was my what did i say 37th test i think today's my 37th test yeah yeah i think it can be done i just want them to come up with some sort of a treatment where we could just get but i am gonna fucking appreciate things now i mean i do appreciate things but i'm really gonna appreciate stand-up again when we get back to it you're gonna savor it yeah right because sometimes it gets to the point where you're. When we get back to it. Yes, you're going to savor it. Yeah. Right? Because sometimes it gets to the point where you're like, I want to do good. It's not that you don't enjoy it.

You can't help but enjoy it if you're a stand-up. But you're not, say, you're like trying to get to the goal. I want to kill. Instead of the whole journey of like, sometimes I'll do an hour and I'm like, I feel great afterwards. I want to feel great during it too. What if we lured you here by producing Tough Room, Like sometimes I'll do an hour and I'm like, I feel great afterwards. I want to feel great during it too.

What if we lured you here by producing Tough Room? Producing and promoting Tough Room. I don't know. Will you think about it? I'll think about it for sure. I really will. Because if you did it as a podcast, I think it would be fucking giant. I really think it would be giant. I think if we take the time and really think about it and organize really good guests like organize guys like joey diaz guys like greg fitzsimmons funny fucking

people have them come in they're gonna do stand up at the place yes they'll do stand up at the place and do it just like you did tough crowd we have subjects in the news you bring it up and you have a table full of great comics talking shit like a podcast yeah i'll think about it for sure thank you about it i will i will all right that's great listen man i'm glad you made it here thank you it was an honor it was it was a pleasure it was really we we do it again we'll do it absolutely okay we'll do it again and when the club opens i want you to be there like one of the first weeks please great i would love it all right yeah i love it all right all right do you have social media do you have all that jazz yeah twitter but i mean my book i haven't even promoted my book oh uh tell everybody about your book my

book is uh called overstated it just came out it's a roast of the 50 states basically so it's basically talking about the united states right now and we've all been to i've been to 47 i haven't been to 50 maybe even to 50 i've been to 47. I haven't been to 50. Maybe you've been to 50. I've been to 47 states. I haven't. I've been to the Dakotas and Wyoming. I was just going to say that.

I haven't been to the Dakotas and Wyoming. Wow. That's exactly what I was going to say. I've been to Alaska and Hawaii. There it is. Overstated coast to coast roads to the 50 states. I haven't been to, I guess I've been everywhere else. I kind of think, nope, never been to New Mexico either.

Yeah. I mean, I think I drove through when I was a little kid, but that's it. I don't think I've been anywhere else. I did shows in New Mexico and we went to the hotel. I was like,

oh, I like it here in Albuquerque. I'm lying there in the room. I'm like, this is nice in New Mexico. It's like a drive-by next door and it was a nice hotel. Albuquerque'sque That's a wild west That's Navajo country

Yeah Tap Tap Tapia Remember Johnny Tapia? Yes I do That fucking big What was the The mother

Virgin Mary Yeah On his chest Guadalupe That's right Virgin of Guadalupe On his chest He was a great warrior

He was a bad motherfucker He was Yeah He died That was awesome Yeah Alright Colin Quinn

You're the best I appreciate you brother Thank you so much Thank you As soon as Austin Comedy Club Opens up You're in Yes

Goodbye everybody See ya Thank you.