The Joe Rogan Experience - #1563 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

Tony Hinchcliffe is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor. He's also the co-host, along with Brian Redban, of the podcast and live-streaming YouTube show Kill Tony.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day hello tony yeah salute my friend good to see you in the right side of america feels good out here feels good right whole different feel feels normal yeah People aren't terrified. Correct. They got everybody scared as fuck in California. It's horrible, man. Everything's shut down. Everything feels bad.

It's sad. It is sad. The more businesses are completely closed, the sadder it is. It's seeing stuff that you know. Yeah. And the memories that you have there it's also i think it's harder to bounce back in big places i think it's harder for big places to bounce back because you get like all these stores closed down like all the stores that got hit hard with the looting on

melrose like they're still closed right most of them come back yeah yeah when you drive down the last time i was there it's like boarded up boarded up boarded up for lease for lease for lease i'm like this takes a long time to come back it feels that way for sure some places are open but it's not the same vibe yeah out here they're not interested in shutting things down the same way especially the governor he's like we got to keep businesses open and he's right like you you can do it safely i mean i think you could do it safely here better than california because there's lower numbers there's less people yeah it's not just you know everyone's on is smooshed in together and everyone's more relaxed because of that it makes you realize when you come to a place that

has less humans it makes you realize like oh that's better like there's plenty of people out here it's not like we're in the farms in the country in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. It's not like that. It's a city. But it's a less populated city. And everything's just a little more... Yeah, relaxed. L.A. is a giant county.

People think it's a city. And it's just a massive, huge place. And it smushes in with Orange County, which is even more populated, right? No, LA is probably more populated than Orange County. Orange County is so dense, though. The traffic in Orange County on the 405 is mind-blowing. It's mind-blowing. Like when you're driving down to San Diego and you're just like, where are all these people coming from?

There's so many of them. And north north too. I went up to Pebble Beach a couple weeks ago. That traffic's just crazy. I mean, six lanes. You're all in with the golfing. Look at you. Unbelievable.

You took a trip to Pebble Beach. I'm telling you, dude. It's the greatest thing. Out of nowhere. I went to go smoke pot with my buddy Pete one day. And then, you know, he's like, yeah, I'm golfing. I'm like, great. I'll smoke pot with you there.

I figured I would just drive the cart and have fun. The rest is history. Addicted. I caught myself the other day watching a thing on the TV, like golf lessons or whatever. And at the same time I was on my iPad on YouTube, not realizing I was doing two at once, learning how to chip.

It's so much fun. It's very dangerous. That's why I never played. Why is it dangerous? Because it's a suck of time. It sucks time. Not that it's bad. People enjoy it.

And as far as activities that suck time, I mean, at least you're walking around. You're out in nature. You got all that beautiful green grass. There's positives to it. It's definitely an interesting thing to suck time because it gives me energy. And when I'm away from it, I can think more clearly about everything else. It's like it's very meditative.

You're always thinking about your next shot or your last shot, what you did wrong, what you could have done better for the next one. So it's like when I'm out there, it's I'm not looking at my phone for four or five hours which is great i'm not thinking about anything else so that when i do afterwards and you know normally most days if i don't do that i sort of like crash out around evening time but if it's a golf day even if i'm up at six five seven a.m i have energy all day all night after that those are the best days now yeah it's probably like every like archery's like that it's meditative yeah it helps clear your mind because it's so difficult right you're concentrating so hard on

each individual putt and shot i say it right yeah we call them shots drives it depends on what you're shooting the drive is about your knowledge yeah the drive is from the t that's the first shot that's power hopefully some accuracy you're aiming for the middle uh is that the hardest to get good at no putting is the hardest really yeah what about miniature golf it's all touch that putting is the most like archery miniature golf isn't really the same no on the golf course there's no windmill to knock it back at you gotta get it up that ramp that ramp's narrow the ramp yeah the ramp yeah to get to the windmill right you got to get it in the clown's mouth just like at pebble beach i'm like

excuse me where are your clowns there's no other sport that's worth millions of dollars if you're the best that also has a miniature version that little kids play. Right? Totally. Like a fucked up version with all like bumpers everywhere and weird holes. It's fun though. It's on concrete with fucking fake grass over it. Right? Yeah.

There's no... I guess there's bumper pool, but pool's not nearly as popular as golf in terms of money. You know? Yeah. Like golfers make like legit cash.ryson de chambeau you know who that is powerful drive 423 yard drive that is insanity that's so far and he did this on purpose so there's like a interview recently about him because he's been getting popularity he like decided to like get jacked he hits it 40 50 yards farther than tiger woods ever did jesus so he's just decided to get really big he looks like a football player yeah who's that one dude that does the thing at the driving ranges where he steps his leg up in the air like he's throwing a pitch and then he steps forward and it's crazy torque he's got this

crazy move he does where he lifts his leg up and then he steps into it and whacks it. Yeah, there's videos of him on YouTube. We've actually talked about him before. I don't think he's hitting it that far, though. I don't think anybody's hitting it 423. Maybe some weird pro driver guy, but yeah, this guy's a freak. Well, also, this guy's accurate. I mean, he's hitting it exactly in the middle.

Look where it lands. And he just won the Masters, I do believe. No, that's what's going on right now. He won the U.S. Open. Yeah, the U.S. Open. And what's crazy about him, so what's crazy about the sport of golf is that that's your first shot,

and then after that touch, as you get closer to the whole touch, becomes so much more important. So this guy can do that, and he can also make a 10-foot putt that has a hill from right to left and then bends from left to right like the there's a comparison i guess to pull the break shot yeah you know like

some guys have crazy break shots like with a lot of power and then afterwards it's a touch and finesse game right and some guys might get in their head on the eight ball which is every hole every putt yeah it's the most frustrating yet rewarding part also you guys you're not playing on flat surface you got like little hills you have to like look at you got to get low and try to figure out where you hit it on the hill to make it drop into the hole and in the morning because uh the ground's moist especially in california they water everything and then you're just in a desert so if you start at say um 7 or 8 a.m it's pretty straight like there's not a and also it's slower because it's wet right and by 10 11 12 once the

heat kicks up things are moving much faster so you have to adjust throughout the day for uh from slow to fast and all these things so it So every hole literally changes as it goes on. Yeah, that's the same with pool with moisture. If you're playing in a place that has a lot of moisture, some of the best players on earth come from the Philippines. And what happened is soldiers, I believe in the Second World War, brought over to the Philippines pool. They taught them pool.

And they play a lot of pool outside. So they have these outside areas. Like chickens running around and shit. And they're playing pool. Like a lot of open air pool tables. And it's obviously it's an island. So it's near the ocean. There's probably a lot of humidity in the air.

And the tables. They also have this weird thing they do where they pour powder on the rails. So like they have like baby powder. Because the tables. thing they do where they pour powder on the rails so like they have like baby powder because the tables everything gets so slick because it's wet and sweaty and sticky uh and moist so they put uh baby powder near the pockets and they all touch the baby powder on their fingers and then you know the cube runs smoothly through your hand but then you're always touching the table so you're putting baby powder all over the table so the table gets really dirty right so they're playing on these like dirty slow wet tables and so they develop these like real fluid strokes because they're so used to having

to power the ball around these disgusting tables like not disgusting but just you you would be upset if you played on a table like that in america you'd say why don't you guys clean the table but over there they don't give a fuck also they don't give a fuck if there's a bunch of people around the table. So they have these games, and I watch these games. If you looked at my YouTube feed, you'd fucking laugh. Because the suggested videos,

the vast majority of them are Filipino pool. I watch Efren Reyes. If you look at Jeff Galing production, Jeff Galing is a guy who films, it's all like simple stuff. They film it with a tripod and a cell phone, and then they just film these pool matches,

and people get obsessed with watching Efren Reyes play these young guns in the Philippines. Efren Reyes is probably the greatest pool player of all time, like pretty widely regarded. He's like the Hicks and Gracie of pool. And he's playing these... Looks like Manny Pacquiao, right? Manny Pacquiao's a killer, by the way.

Manny Pacquiao's a killer pool player. Really? Oh, my God. Like, world class. Like, Manny Pacquiao could play professional. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, he gambles with professionals. Damn. Yeah. My friend Max Eberle, who's... You've met Max. I think so. I know you have. Yeah. Yeah. Like he gambles with professionals. Damn. Yeah. My friend Max Eberle, who's, you've met Max. I think so. I know you have. Yeah. He's a legit pro.

Like Max is like world champion caliber pro. And he's gambled with Manny Pacquiao. And he said Manny Pacquiao's good. He says you have to really bear down to beat him. Like they play a race to 10. He might beat Manny because Max is world class. But he might beat Manny like 10 to 7 or 10 to 6. Whereas he beat me like 10 to 1 or 10 to 2.

Like Manny's much better than me. He's really good. Manny's better than you at pool? Yeah, yeah. He's legit. There's Manny right there. Yeah, dude. Look at that.

Look at him kick that ball in, son. Wow. And get position on the 6. He's super legit. Super legit. And he's got a great stroke. And he's on the six. He's super legit. Super legit. And he's got a great stroke. And he's also left-handed. I think there's a thing about left-handed people,

and I say this as a right-handed person, I think generally they're better at shit. Yep. I agree. One of my best golf buddies who helps me get a lot better because he's great. Look how good he is. Dude, seriously.

Look how fucking good he is he bumped the eight i don't know if he got positioned on the five there he might have fucked that up but he plays really good yeah like like like i said if i saw him in a tournament and i didn't know his manny pacquiao i'd be like oh this guy's really good he's a pro he's essentially a pro but that's also because he's from the philippines in the philippines look how good he gets like perfect position on the seven watch this seven to the eight eight to the ten and he's out ten ball watch this pop if you watch how he strokes the ball like everything's super precise i mean look at his position that's he's a professional like, like a legit professional. So if Manny decides to retire from fighting and goes into professional pool, he might win some world championships.

Like, no bullshit. I mean, he's still fighting actively. They're actually talking about him fighting Conor McGregor right now, which is kind of bonkers. Look at that. Gets out. Beautiful position. Why do you say it's kind of bonkers?

Because you think Manny wouldcgregor dominate connor right is that a question you're talking about one of the greatest boxers of all time i agree against a guy with one professional boxing match i agree and i'm a huge manny pacquiao fan but but there is a but i can't believe it the other week i re-watched The other week, I rewatched McGregor Mayweather since it's been like done. I was on my Showtime app and I wanted to watch some boxing. It popped up and I clicked on it. And I did not remember. I remembered Connor shocking me with how good he did.

But I did not remember it being as close as it truly was. Let me explain something. not remember it being as close as it truly was let me explain something yeah the reason why it was close is because mayweather let him blow his wad right he just let him look he clipped mayweather with a legit legit left uppercut early in the fight and i was kind of stunned i was like wow that's really legit watch this here we go see what whator – look at that. If you see it, watch this left uppercut. I don't think they replay that. It's really quick. Oh, so let's rewind a little bit just so I can see it because it's really, really good.

I mean, I know. Look at that, that left uppercut. Here's the thing. Mayweather had to figure out Conor's timing because what Conor is, Conor is not a professional boxer, okay? So because he's not a professional boxer, he's not as efficient, and he's going to get tired easier. Mayweather is one of the greatest, if not the greatest boxer of all time.

I say there's a real good argument he's the greatest of all time because he's undefeated, 50-0, and really only been hurt by Sugar Shane Mosley and Maidana, two guys, in a spectacular career, 50-0, and just gets hit less than anybody and he's super smart about how he sets up fights he sets up one of the things he does is he talks a mess of shit and gets everybody wanting to root for him to lose he'll show you all his rolls royces to show you all his money to show you all his watches and everybody's like, he's going to go broke, he's going to go broke, but he never does. He keeps making money. He keeps making money. So, because if you look at his style, he's got a brilliant style.

His style is take the minimal amount of damage, find your openings, and then establish your game, and then dominate. And that's what he's done to everybody. That's what he did to Manny Pacquiao in their fight and you know manny pacquiao apparently had a fucked up shoulder but that's what he did to ricky hatton dominated ricky hatton at the time was you know one of the best in the world and a guy that a lot of people were interested in seeing how he would do against mayweather and then the second fight with my donna you get to see the brilliance of mayweather because you knew he got clipped in the first fight so So he digested all of Maidana's movements and what he did wrong in the first fight. And he came out in the second fight and just put on a clinic.

He's the best of all time. Yeah. But Conor is a freak. He's an explosive guy. He's so fast. And there's no remedy for that. Right. Other than getting a guy tired.

So what Mayweather was doing was boxing with him but preserving. So fast. And there's no remedy for that. Right. Other than getting a guy tired. So what Mayweather was doing was boxing with him, but preserving. Being safe. Got clipped a couple times. Realized that Conor can punch. Conor can punch. But just drag him into deep water. Drag him into deep water.

And that's what a guy like Mayweather would do. He's the most intelligent in terms of his overall strategy to preserve his health yet to always win. I mean, he's the most intelligent. He's so good. All the greats have suffered losses and setbacks, except him. Except him. We don't even know what it's like. We don't even know how he would recover. We know he's had tough fights. He's had a couple of tough fights, I don't even know how he would recover. We know he's had tough fights. He's had a couple of tough fights. But, dude, he's so goddamn good.

He's so protected. He knows where to be and where not to be. He's so composed. Like, look at that. Look at that movement. Look how he moves away from everything. So you're punching at air, and you're still threatening, but you're not really hitting him, and he's making you throw punches.

And occasionally you clip him with a shot as he's moving away, and he rolls with a lot of shit. So you've got to be a guy like Sugar Shane Mosley clipped him, really clipped him, like really hurt him. And he just grabbed ahold of him and held onto him and eventually started kicking Sugar Shane's ass. It just took time. If you're a young boxer and you want to know what it's like to be a 41-year- old and still be at the top of

your game you got to be like him or like bernard hopkins when bernard hopkins was at the top of his game he was older he was like in his 40s like he was i think he was 36 when he beat felix trinidad and a lot of people like bernard's done it's over felix trinidad tito trinidad is the future and he lit felix trin on fire. And then the same thing with Kelly Pavlik. He lit Kelly Pavlik on fire. I was not expecting that. We were expecting that to be Kelly Pavlik's big return and he got

smashed. Bernard Hopkins is a national treasure. Yeah. Look at that. Connor pops him with that jab and that was uncomfortable but look how calm he is stop back that up back that up a second look how goddamn calm he is watch his jab come to floyd's face he doesn't even blink it touches him in the nose but he knows it's not gonna hurt him look at this watch this

look at this look at this he doesn't even move wow he doesn't even move he's a master of distance he really is a master of distance bernard was a master of distance. He really is. A master of distance. Bernard was a master of distance too. And Bernard was a different kind of style, different kind of defensive style. Bernard would frustrate guys a lot. He would clinch with them, tie you up, make it very physical. And guys get real frustrated and they didn't know what to do and they just wanted to fucking start winging punches. And then he'd get right in your face again and clinch a hold of you

but then break with you and catch you with a left hook, break, catch you with the right hand. Always defensive, always protected, always disciplined, you know? Frustrating your opponent in boxing is one of the interesting things, right? Like Holyfield Tyson, it's crazy. Everybody remembers the ear bite, but not a lot of people talk about the massive amount of clinching and headbutts that Holyfield was landing on him in that fight. Oh, yeah. It's very clear when you watch it again. Well, the headbutts are interesting.

It's like the question is, did he do it on purpose? And that's what Tyson was saying, that he's doing this on purpose. He's trying to cut me and he's cutting my face and cut Tyson. And that's when Tyson bit his ear. And Tyson's idea at the time, at least, was that he was doing it on purpose. But it's also like style. Style is to put his face, put his head on your chest. Put his forehead on your chest and just make it a test of wills.

Very few human beings have the kind of will that Evander Holyfield has. You ever watch the Riddick Bowe fights? Yeah. Those are crazy to watch because Riddick Bowe was way bigger than Holyfield as. You ever watch the Riddick Bowe fights? Yeah. Those are crazy to watch because Riddick Bowe was way bigger than Holyfield. You got to remember, Holyfield is a cruiserweight champion. So Holyfield,

I want to say he fought light heavyweight in the Olympics. I might be wrong about that. I want to say he fought at like 176 in the Olympics. Find out what he fought at. i used to have a subscription when i was a kid to the ring magazine oh yeah the bible of boxing son yeah they have a lineal heavyweight belt they give out their own belt like the ring belt is as prestigious as any other belt wbc wbo it is the red white and blue side straps yeah it's got like crazy ruffles to it and like old school looks like something Jack Johnson would have wore so cool oh it's the coolest

it's weird how like cool trophies and stuff sometimes get weird like I was thinking about that the other day about the green jacket the masters they give you a weird basically the ugliest jacket yeah it's like it's you're such such a badass you can wear a disgusting jacket yeah and you see those guys when they're all together it's like hey like they're like so happy to be wearing these ugly jackets together and diamonds and rolexes wearing a gross jacket yeah it says his first professional fight was at light, but right before that he was listed around age 21 at 178, which is around the time he was at the Olympics. So he probably fought at Light Heavyweight.

So if his first professional fight was at Light Heavyweight and then he went on to be the Cruiserweight champion, he beat Dwight Muhammad Kawi, who used to be Dwight Braxton. Dwight Braxton was this guy who was 5'7", 200 pounds. He was a tank, just a tank. And he would come at you like real low. He would get in a crouch and guys would be like, what the fuck? He'd be like way down here.

And he was just fucking jacked. And he was another guy out of prison, so just tough as shit. Like Bernard Hopkins. Bernard Hopkins learned a lot of his discipline by being locked up. He's like, I never want this to happen to me again. There's a famous story about Bernard leaving prison and one of the guards saying, you'll be back. And he was like, not me, bitch.

I'm Bernard Hopkins, motherfucker. I'm going to be a world champion and I'm going to get this chapter out of my life. And went on to be one of the most disciplined boxers ever. That's why he was able to compete deep into his 40s. He lost to Joe Smith, I think he was 51 when he lost his final fight. Joe Smith Jr. is just

fucking savage. One of those barbarian construction workers who still has a full-time job but still fights at a world-class level. Savage. Savage human being. Did you see the fighter who had his jaw split and fought for like four more rounds with it what the bottom the bottom mandible that happens it breaks in half right here and it goes up and down oh yeah check fuck that oh jesus oh look at look how it's dropped down they said it happened in the second

round and they kept fighting. And he kept fighting? He wanted to fight, but they had to tell him, hey, your jaw's broken. That's not good. Well, the problem... Oh, my God. That's so broken. The problem is it'll tear all the tissue in there, and it'll never heal right.

Oh, my God. Benjamin Hussein from Australia. Who hit him? Ben Mahoney. They said it dislodged. They thought it just dislodged his mouthpiece, and then a bunch of blood started coming out. There was a woman who had that in an MMA fight.

Kim Couture. She was Randy Couture's wife at the time. And her jaw did the same thing. Dropped down. You can see it moving. Oh, my God god that is crazy that's crazy look at the oh my god

oh my god good lord can you imagine the headache the next day I saw a video of a lion that got kicked by a gazelle and had a broken jaw that's some hard shit to look at because you're like,

ooh, this is not going to last. There's no recovering from that, right? No. If you're a lion because you can't eat. Right? No lion hospitals? Lions have one shot at getting injured. They get injured once in their life

and then it's over. So how long do you think they last after an injury like that? Dead. Dead within a couple weeks. They usually starve to death. How do you not starve last after an injury like that dead dead within a couple weeks they usually start at death you think i did not starve to death if you can't eat you think the lion keeps thinking you think they have like memories and they're like that fucking gazelle that fucking gazelle no i think they hold no grudges right i think grudges are connected to cognitive function like our ego our understanding of ourself that's's like, oh, I'm going to get him back. Because it's like your ego.

I don't think animals have an ego. They have a sense of fair, though. Animals have a sense of, some animals do at least. Chimps do. One of the reasons why chimps attack people is because if people give something to someone else and they don't give it to them, they have a real sense of fairness. Wow. Yeah, there's a famous story of this guy who had a pet chimp

and then the thing about chimps is you can keep them when they're young and then they get older and it's like a man but a man that's five times stronger than you and like,

why is he going to listen to you? He's not going to listen to you. So I think he started biting off fingers. It's one of the things that chimps do. When chimps get mad at you they bite off your finger.

Yeah, just to let you know they're the boss. Like, they don't give a fuck if you're injured. They have remorse right and they're intelligent so you have this thing that's not a dog it's not a person it's this weird in between thing it's an animal but it's also intelligent and so when you do something for someone else but you don't do something for them, they get rage, like horrific rage. So this guy gets rid of this chimp, brings it to a shelter. The shelter takes it in, and he goes to visit it every year,

and the chimp goes to see him like, oh my friend, I miss you, I miss you, why can't I come home? But he can't come home, ever, because he would just take over the house, right? Because he's a grown chimp. They don't castrate chimps the way they castrate dogs. When you castrate a dog like everybody it's

standard people think it's good oh did you get your dog neutered yeah i did and you're like you want your dog to have no testosterone you want your dog to have no balls but then it becomes a different thing right then it's like tired and like is it like have you ever seen a dog get snipped i had one of my dogs get snipped when it was five years old it was just too aggressive and so someone talked me into it and then when i got him snipped all of a sudden he was just tired all the time he's lazy and i realized oh he didn't have any testosterone anymore it's all gone i'm like wow so the dog's a different dog now so you can't do that to chimps for whatever reason you can't do that you can't neuter a chimp so this guy goes to visit the champ and he brings

a birthday cake happy birthday buddy and the other chimps that are in cages right next to her like this motherfucker didn't bring me a cake i can't believe this shit so they figure out a way to get out and they got out and they attacked the man and they tore him apart they tore his face off they tore his dick off they tore his feet off they bit his fingers off it's one of the most horrific cruel attacks you'll ever hear of because they did it to try to take away from him the things he wants and needs like chimps recognize you need your fingers in order to do things you need your face in order to see you need your dick in order to fuck so that's the things they go after fucking assholes they don't they don't just try to kill you they try to take away what it means to be a

human so if you try to hide your hands they'll pull your hands away from and open them up and bite them off like crazy with a rage-filled look in their eye and they don't communicate with language so they only have this sense in their head of what's fair and what's not fair and what you've done to them so if you do something that makes them jealous they think immediately you've done to them. So if you do something that makes them jealous, they think immediately you've done something bad to them. They don't think that, no, no, I just gave my friend a cake. Uh-uh. You made them feel bad. So it's you. You made them feel bad. So they go right after you. It's like a sort of a, it's an interesting study in the way sometimes people look at things. Like we've all been jealous, right? You've been jealous of someone. You see someone who's doing something well,

and you go, oh, I wish I was that guy. But you don't go attack that person, right? People recognize, like, it's not his fault that I feel bad that he has this Corvette. I have to just, fuck, I just gotta appreciate the guy's hustle. Guy's out there kicking ass. All right, I got to get my shit together.

But there's a thing that we have initially, especially when they're children, we feel angry. Like you feel upset. Like you feel like you've been shorted. Like someone's, oh, why didn't I get that? This is bullshit. He gets it and I don't. It's a fascinating part of humans and then Humans as we get older and more sophisticated with language, but still carry the same childish emotions

We find reasons to be upset at someone for being successful We find reasons eat the rich, you know We find these find these weird little ways that we can justify our jealousy or our anger or our disdain for those who are more successful than we. So it's like we're coming up with complicated, sophisticated ways to justify these primal behaviors that chimps exhibit in just violent rage. So this guy, it's a famous case. You can see the pictures if you want to see the pictures. Of the cake guy? Of the guy who got his face ripped apart and fingers bitten off.

Yeah, I mean, he was in the hospital. That sounds great. Do you think that this guy... Folks at home, prepare. Don't show it on the screen because it's rough. But Tony needs to see this before you go give a tramp a cake. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Wow.

No nose. See how he bit his nose off? God. Yeah. Look at his face. tramp a cake. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Wow. No nose. See how he bit his nose off? God. Yeah. Look at his face. Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm conscious, they said, after this happened.

Oh, yeah, of course. See his right hand? The finger's bitten off? Wow. That's what they do. They bite off your fingers. That's the chimp right there. Click on the chimp in the right-hand corner.

That's his chimp. What is that picture? What is that picture? I'm surprised he let him keep his ears. Oh, that's the guy's face, Jamie. That's what that is. He's got a trach because he can't breathe out of his mouth. Yeah. Well, I don't think that, you know,

chimps exactly know the human anatomy all that well, but they know what's important to you, your face, your fingers. Fucking hell. Tore this guy apart. so if he would have brought pieces of cake and given them to all the chimps and all the cages they would all be happy yeah but they're also angry that he's that they're captive so when they get captive look being captive for a chimp is probably a similar feeling as to what it would be to be captive as a person, right? If you see a chimp at the zoo and you're, um, you're in this big, they're in this big containment and they,

all these monkey bars and stuff they could hang on, but there's a bunch of people staring at them. Like all day long, people are staring at you through glass and there's a ceiling, right? There's a net over the top. So you can't go over the top and it's fences. And you're just like, fuck every day is boring. Nothing happens. Nothing happens every day. There's no lions. There's no fruit to go pick.

There's no places to go journey to, to explore. Like, chimps travel around, man. They don't just sit in one particular 100-yard area for the rest of their life. And it's not even 100 yards, right? If you go to the L.A. Zoo, you ever see how small that enclosure is? Yeah. I go to the L.A. Zoo, you ever see how small that enclosure is? Yeah. I went to the L.A. Zoo once,

really high, really high, like on an edible. Yeah. And I wrote a piece on my website called Animal Prison. And I was like, because it made me feel, because you know when you're really

fucking super baked, you're sensitive to everything. Yeah. But just, I recognize how how instead of thinking about myself and thinking about you know oh i'm gonna go to the zoo and see the monkeys i went there and i immediately felt sadness i was like oh no these poor creatures like they don't want to be here like what are we doing like we can't do this i was thinking like got to get out of here. It's true.

No, you're right. And it's very bizarre. Same thing with SeaWorld. Same thing with all those places. Oh, SeaWorld's worse. Yeah. Because they're as smart as us, if not smarter. Yeah.

We don't even really know how smart orcas are, right? Or dolphins. Because we put them in these weird categories. Like, how much emails do they send? Do they make houses? No, they must be stupid. But they have a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than ours. We don't know how smart they are.

They also, they communicate. They have a weird, sophisticated language that we can't decipher. We can't decipher it. We don't know what their language is. They've been able to recognize specific accents. So, you know, there's like, you know, like there's a southern accent and a Cleveland accent. We don't know what their language is. They've been able to recognize specific accents. So, you know, there's a Southern accent and a Cleveland accent. There's a Chicago accent.

Orcas have accents. Like, we can tell by the sound, oh, this is an orca from Alaska or this is an orca from Seattle. It's crazy. It's fucking nuts, man. Meanwhile, we put them in a swimming pool. A fucking swimming pool. It's so sad how man. Meanwhile, we put them in a swimming pool. A fucking swimming pool. It's so sad how their fin droops once they get depressed. It's not that they get depressed.

They don't use it. It atrophies. It's like an arm that you don't pick anything up with. It just gets limp. You ever break your arm? No. When you break your arm, they put it in a cast. One of the weird things is you get your arm out of the cast,

and it's so little. It's like your arm, they put it in a cast. One of the weird things is you get your arm out of the cast. It's so little. It's like your arm atrophies. Mine's always like that. I always look like I had a broken arm for three years. I did break my leg once. That was fucked up right before wrestling season. Got run over by a car. Yeah.

What happened? My girlfriend at the time, uh, dropped me off, um, after school. dropped me off um after school and uh i was getting my backpack out of her trunk but she forgot that i was behind her car getting a backpack out of her trunk so she started backing your girlfriend backed over you on purpose and now you're justifying it and i almost made it out of the way it was the last second i and then she hit it out of the way right yeah and turn the wheel yeah cracked my leg into two pieces. Month before my senior year of wrestling started. Big senior year.

Oh, my God. What's up, Jamie? I'm sorry to turn this back to this chimpanzee story. Oh, no. It's a little bit crazier than you probably like. You probably stopped looking into this. Oh, crazier? The guy, he won a lawsuit against Wes Covina to keep the chimp in the 60s

because the judge said the chimp, quote, doesn't have the traits of a wild animal and was somewhat better behaved than some people it but it like so there was some i was reading more about the story i it ate his test excuse me according to the reports it ate his testicles also and there was some report that it ate part of his brain like they cracked open his skull and got a piece of his brain this chimp was later put into uh another holding place escaped again in like 2005 or eight or something because this happened the original story happened i don't know what 2002 maybe the people who originally owned the chimp like rented a helicopter to go find it there was more lawsuits but that but you say that the he ate his brain it wasn't that chimp like rented a helicopter to go find it there was more lawsuits but that but you say that the he ate his brain it wasn't that chimp that ate his brain wasn't his don't believe so but

this chimp got involved with like it says that it's his chimp that got involved that it like there was a police officer that got into like when it got out one time it like got into an altercation with the cops there's like 80 cops, they suck at fighting drunks. Yeah. Imagine fighting a chimp. Like, how many videos have you seen of cops trying to pull a guy over and the guy winds up kicking their ass? Yeah.

It happens a lot. A policeman has required $250,000 in medical treatment for the policeman. Oh, Jesus. Lori Allred was defending the chimp in court. Wow. Yeah, like... I swear to God, like, it gets, like, insane.

Oh, my God, that's hilarious. It said the two chimps that bit him the first time didn't have good enough lawyers. This is like on a lawyer website I'm reading about it. That is so crazy. The chimps have lawyers. How can a chimp have a lawyer? Dogs don't get lawyers, right?

So if a dog bites you, they just put the dog down. But if a chimp bites you, they're like, hold on. This chimp sounds so good, he almost represented himself in court. This guy escaping from prison, eating brains. Tired of bullshit. I don't think it's the same chimp that ate the brains. I think it's the chimp that attacked the guy and tore his dick off that ate his brains. They do take your testicles off.

They seem to know that that's where your cum is stored. No good. That's not good. That's where your your cum is stored no good that's not good that's not cool that is not cool it's so crazy well you know one the one about the lady in connecticut right no no oh this one's even freakier this lady had a giant chimp like a 200 pounder and it lived with her and slept in her bed oh wow and uh she gave it xanax and red wine and uh one day this lady her friend came over cock blocking and this chimp didn't like it so he tore her apart he tore a lady apart same same way that tore that man apart tore this lady apart tore her face apart horrible story terrifying

story this lady thought this chimp was like a pet and then she realized like this chimp has no idea what the rules are And you can't tell what to do because it was tired of this lady coming around And it wasn't the lady that was you know red wine and mm-hmm No, it's another lady's telling her to not give him red wine and not give him Xanax And he's like this bitch is cock block you think the chimp looked for testicles and was like what the fuck no He probably knew it was a female. But I don't even know. I'm joking around about the cock blocking part.

But he, whatever reason, didn't like that lady and just decided to tear her apart. You just can't keep them as pets. They're too, it's so strange. They're animals for sure. But they're also so close to humans. Have you thought about getting any wild animals? While I'm in Texas? Now that you're in Texas. Funny you say that.

I have a couple giraffes on order. No. I would have giraffes. I had a bit in my act about giraffes, you know, about the only animals in the zoo that don't seem bummed out at all are giraffes because they're just like another day with no lions and just stroll around they're so happy they're so calm at the zoo that they let babies feed them like when my daughter was two or brought to the zoo she holds out a piece of lettuce and the giraffe

come over it's a giraffe they didn't train it and his tongue reaches out and grabs a whole little lizard the the lettuce it's really kind of cool the way they do it yeah but that's the only animal that i would keep as a pet because they don't seem to care. They seem to like it. They're stress-free. They just chill. I held a koala when in Australia this last time.

So I went with the whole Kill Tony crew. So I'm like, okay, I'll do the touristy stuff that I've never done there in the seven or eight or whatever times I've been there. And we went and held koalas, and they feed them eucalyptus the whole time. That's all they eat. And the reason why they keep feeding them eucalyptus is because the second

you stop giving them eucalyptus, like truly within three seconds of them not having the next leaf, they turn more into a bear. Like it's like they start acting instead of being this mellow little bundle of joy. You feel their claws tighten up and they get, you just, you feel it. It's a they start acting. Instead of being this mellow little bundle of joy, you feel their claws tighten up, and you feel it. It's a fucking bear.

They're like cute and slow and dumb, and then as soon as they... It's a straight-up drug. It's an IV drip of just heroin to them, and if they come off, they're just... Is there another animal like that that only eats one plant? I don't know. That's a good question right i mean cows eat grass sheep eat grass but they just eat eucalyptus yeah like one weird plant they smell like it strong oh yeah i wonder what they taste like that's a good question let's do it they get real cunty with you would you cook one

yeah you felt like a little aggression from them right oh absolutely i put it down fucking leaves that's a good question. Let's do it. To get real cunty with you, would you cook one? Yeah. You felt like a little aggression from him, right? Oh, absolutely. I put it down. Where's my fucking leaves? Yeah. Where's my fucking leaves? Like a fake baby.

Yeah. It was a real time. Do you remember that story about a girl that this couple adopted and they thought they were adopting like a 10-year-old and it turned out to be a tiny person and a tiny person

who's completely insane and was pretending to be a little kid. Oh, do you know that story? Scary. No, it's a terrifying story. Cause this couple had this like little tiny person that in their house that

was like Chucky that wanted to kill them. And like, and then they realized like, Oh, this lady's 30 right here. Ukrainian orphan, the center of an adoption scandal might be an adult. Here are eight adults who are caught posing as children. That's happened that many here. Ukrainian orphan at the center of an adoption scandal might be an adult.

Here are eight adults who are caught posing as children. That's happened that many times. Fuck. Yeah. So look at that. Imagine that's a 30-year-old playing with your baby. And you're like, oh, we're going to help her. She's going to have a better life.

Meanwhile, she's doing heroin when you're not around. Whoa. Yeah. That might be the serious thing. These are the different stories. These are the different stories. are the different stories about her okay click click on that one parent oh come on you fucking pop up oh you son of a bitch looks like you're using an ad blocker we're here to cock block your ad blocker um that's hilarious why don't you just shut off the ad blocker i don't mind ads all right

parents who are acute parents who are accused of abandoning an 8-year-old Ukrainian girl say they adopted say she was actually a 22-year-old mentally disturbed adult. Look at the parents. It's a movie. It's a Coen Brothers movie. Those two winding up in jail. Well, it all started

when we tried to do a good thing and adopt a baby. Daryl's balls didn't work, so we decided Well, it all started when we tried to do a good thing and adopt a baby. Yeah. You know? Daryl's balls didn't work, so we decided. Fuck. Crazy, right? That's frightening.

Hold on a second. Scroll back up again. Yeah. Christine Barnett says Natalia terrorized her family. In an interview with the Daily Mail, a trusted source, Christine Barnett said that the adoption was a scam and that the girl was not who they thought she was. Christine Barnett said that she and her now ex-husband,

oh, they got divorced over this, agreed to an emergency adoption in Florida in 2010. She said she didn't know many details about Natalia's background, but were told her previous adoptive parents gave her up for undisclosed reasons, like maybe because she's 20 christine barnett said that natalia terrorized her family tried to stab them when

they were sleeping and once tried to push her towards an electric fence and poured bleach in her coffee oh there you go get rid of the coronavirus the media is painting me to be a child abuser but there's no child here she said said. Natalia was a woman. She had periods. Whoa. She had adult teeth. She never grew a single inch. Which would happen even with a child with dwarfism. The doctors all confirmed she was suffering from a severe psychological illness

only diagnosed in adults. That's scary. Natalia has a type of dwarfism called, whoa, how about this word? Help me out. Spondylopiphysil. How do you say that? Spondylopiphysil.

Okay. Dysplasia, which makes her age difficult to actually record without a birth certificate. Wow. Though she was said to be six when the Barnetts adopted her in 2010, NBC News said it saw hospital records showing her age as about eight in June of 2010. Oh, well, that doesn't mean anything. Okay.

Citing court documents, WISH-TV and Indianapolis CW affiliate reported that the girl's age was changed from 8 to 22 in 2012. It said a skeletal survey at the Peyton Manning, holla Peyton Manning, has his own children's hospital. Peyton Manning Children's Hospital deemed her to be 11 at the time. Wow, she was 22 with a 22-year-old skeleton when she was 11. Wow. Well, she made a career perpetuating her age facade. Scroll back up. It's weird that they did the test at a children's hospital.

Wow. Natalia was an adult. The document hasn't been verified, but says that she made a career of perpetuating. That's a weird word. How often do you say that? Perpetuating. Perpetuating. Her age facade.

I don't say that very often. I read it a lot. Continued to fool those who had the best intentions that's crazy where is she now I mean being a kid is pretty awesome

you don't have to work you get free food you're chilling you get to stab people while they're sleeping yeah they think you're a little kid you're just gonna take a nap

imagine you adopt an 8 year old and you keep like alright let's check your height and you do a little pencil mark on the door you couldn't even make that movie because people say that you were being an ableist you could make that movie about 10 years ago but if you try to make that movie today people call you a piece of shit like the studios wouldn't fund it they'd be scared of the backlash it's so sad what's going on with little people dude i saw some stat the other day about how they're doing remakes and like there's no original anything stuff out of movies i saw um poltergeist the other day hey i almost went to the drive-in last week and saw that that was playing at a local uh

drive-in i haven't seen it in forever yeah i kind of i didn't remember so much of it it's probably been 20 plus years since i saw it but one one thing I recognized when I saw it was like, the times were so different when that movie came out. I want to say that movie's, it's like, it was like 84 or some shit. Like, when do you think that came out? I guess 82. You forgot the rest of the story. She got adopted again and went on,

did more interviews and said that like, she was 16, not 33. The girl on the thing. Uh-huh. Did you see a picture of her on the thing? Oh, come on. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

She looks like she's 40. That's her? Yeah. That's the little girl? Yeah. She totally looks like an adult. Natalia Grace Barnett. I'm 16, not a 33-year-old scam artist.

Oh, she's old. Look at her face. That's not true. Look at her face. go back up to that face that is not a 16 year old's face that's a woman's face yeah that's crazy but look how small her hands are in relationship to the rest of her face too if i adopted an eight-year-old and that's what showed up at my door i'd immediate immediate return but i think when she was 20 she pulled it off like if you saw that

other picture of her the other picture of her she looked young yeah she looked like a little kid but she didn't look like a little you know from 20 to 33 she does not look the same that's crazy um i thought we had like even watched it or something like we heard her talk or did we i don't i remember it was all flashing back. Dude, I was on my YouTube feed watching Filipino Pool the other day and an old interview came up with us with someone I didn't even remember was a guest.

If you had said, has this guy been a guest? I'm like, no, never heard of him. Meanwhile, I sat down with the guy for three hours doing a podcast. My memory's turned to dog shit. It's like there's too many too many people in there there's too many it's like overwhelmed i have no room i have no uh hard drive space

yeah you got to get rid of the old and new it's like when you find an old joke that ever happened to you oh yeah it's the best feeling it's crazy it's like i wrote this in 1998 yeah look at that like something in there like Like I was telling you, Ron White's doing a guest spot on the show I'm doing tonight here in Austin, and he's going back looking over his stuff, and today he was. I was hanging with him, and at one point he goes,

you know what? This shit's pretty goddamn funny. That's Ron. Yeah. What were we talking about? Poltergeist. Poltergeist poltergeist oh here's what the movie i think is what what year is it 83 82 okay so the movie is in the early 80s and uh apparently it was okay to be a piece of shit back then it was like super normal because like there's a scene where the 16 year old daughter goes outside there's just people doing construction

in their backyard and i mean like the windows-year-old daughter goes outside and there's just people doing construction in their backyard. And I mean like the windows right there, the parents are right there. And these construction workers are like, yeah, look at you. And the guy's got like a tube and he's looking at her through a paper towel tube. He's looking at her like, yeah, I love you. I love you. And she's like, fuck you. And the mom is laughing that her daughter almost

got raped it is the craziest scene like look at this look at him he's looking at like yeah look at you i love you sounds terrible yeah and look at this what she's like fuck you she gave him the this fuck you this is like the is a soft finger it's a lot more motion like you have to use your arms but the wife the watch the mom react to it like she's like yeah and they're laughing and then watch when they go to the mom though the mom's inside they did give her the finger the mom's like oh boys will be boys out there raping like if that was today if you put that in a movie and tried to pass it off like it was normal behavior people would fucking freak out at you and at minimum you'd have to kill off those guys what's even more interesting is that's not just that's not establishing them as bad guys that get

killed later on right those guys survive oh yeah right you never hear from even crazier at least if you did it you'd have to fit it in the storyline like oh these guys are going to be the first to get killed because they're bad people. Instead, the whole family has to deal with hell after that. And those guys are going on about their day. They got paid for the construction they did. Well, later on in the movie, the guy steals coffee. That guy?

The construction guy? Yeah, yeah. Steals food. He reaches in. He grabs it. Like, she's cooking spaghetti. So he dips a spoon in the sauce, tastes the sauce, reaches in through the window. And she's like, how is it? Earl or i was like well it's very good like like no people were pieces of shit back then it was standard it was like cute to watch like instead of getting

outraged as an audience member which would you most certainly would today that's one of those freaky movies you you learned about the history of that right like what the daughter the little girl rather little girl yeah there's like a lot of things that happen on that it's like a super cursed movie yeah yeah tell me what's up so man i wish i could remember all of them but i remember her things very controversial like she was should have been taken to a hospital much sooner than she was like it was like it's a it was a sloppy sloppy ending i can't remember all the things and i get it confused with the twilight zone movie quite a bit too four cast members there it is fucking pop up shut up you're fucking that was for an email four cast members died during and soon after the filming of the series

the series so there was more than How many of them were there? There was, I think, at least three. Carol Ann Freeling. I like number two. Number two, I think, was at the hotel, right? That crazy hotel. Well, Carol Ann's the little girl. So go back up to the top.

Carol Ann Freeling was the young point of the series, played by Heather O'rourke only six years old when the first poltergeist film was released o'rourke captivated audience she was misdiagnosed with crohn's disease in 1987 the following year o'rourke fell ill again and their symptoms were casually attributed to the flu a day later she collapsed and suffered a cardiac arrest after being airlifted to a children's hospital in San Diego, O'Rourke died during the operation to correct a bowel obstruction.

It was later believed that she had been suffering from a congenital intestinal abnormality. So she had... Basically, she was bleeding. But that was something she was born with. On the inside. So here's another one. Dominic Dune, who played the original older sister.

Oh, that was the girl who gave up the finger. Equally tragic and unforeseen fate. 82, Dune separated from her partner, John Sweeney. November of that year, he showed up at Dune's house pleading for her to take him back. When she refused, Sweeney grabbed Dune's neck, choked her until she was unconscious and left her to die. Fuck. He was sentenced to six and a half years in prison but was released

after 3 years and 7 months oh my god if that was my daughter can you imagine 3 years is not that long here we are in 2020 3 years ago 2016 and a half or not even because we're halfway in more than halfway in we're towards the end

summer of 2017 what and all of a sudden this guy's out who choked your daughter to death i know chimps have been in prison more than that guy should be they should put him in with a chimp that's what they should do ah yeah you choke a woman to death they put you in with a chimp and they make you feed the other chimp the birthday cake it's also interesting how they wrote that choked her until she was unconscious and then left her to die no you mean killed her right yeah what the fuck are you talking about choked her to death yeah choked her to death i never wrote that yeah is that the guy that right is that the guy that wrote it anyway uh left her to die accidentally whoops yeah maybe he's just really into choking have you ever been with a girl that

wants to get choked? Yeah. It's weird, right? Yeah, I'm not into it. Not into it. Yeah. I don't want to let that fucking genie out of the bottle. Mm-mm. The last thing you want to do is be really into choking.

Right. You know? Yeah. It's like being really into feet. Yeah, weird. But way worse, because it could lead to death. Yeah. Because if you're really into feet, and then you date a normal girl, and you're oh you know i'd like to uh you know with your feet she's like what like for a

lot of gals that would be like a deal breaker looking for a husband looking for a man to take care of your children look for a person be responsible you don't want a guy who wants to beat off on your feet right so for a guy who's really into feet and then he breaks up with this woman and tries to get a new one, it's like, hmm, feet thing's kind of important. But at least that's not dangerous. It's just creepy. Yeah. But for someone who's into choking people, he's got to be real careful to test those waters.

Yeah. You know, like if you were with a girl and you had a crazy relationship for 10 years, all you did was fucking choke each other. And you're with a girl and that's like you had a crazy relationship for 10 years. Oh, you just fucking choke each other. And you're like, damn, that's what I miss. I miss choking and fucking. Holding's fun. Grabbing's fun. Grabbing by the throat's fun.

Applying pressure isn't fun. It's not fun. Grabbing's fun. You ever been with a girl that you're hooking up and she says, hit me? No. Really? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Whoa. And I go, it stopped everything. Whoa, what do you mean? What do you mean? And then she goes, slap me. And I'm like, okay, that's different. That's different than hit.

Yeah. Because hit and slap are two very different things. Yeah, but they're still hitting. Right. Spping's weird. If you slap a woman and she calls the cops, the cops say you hit her, it's assault. You're stalking and slap. I think that's...

It's a different kind of thing. They do that in a fight. Spitting in someone's face is assault. There's this crazy video of this woman screaming in this cop's face in New York. She's like, you fucking fascist! And he's just standing there taking... And she spits in his face he's like oh okay time to arrest you and he grabs her and she's screaming what are you doing why are you touching me spitting is assault if you're

gonna spit in someone's face you might as well kick him in the balls absolutely that is the we are fighting yeah it's a fight yeah you spit in someone's face it's straight punches you might as well have just gotten a sucker punch in. Yeah. Should have just thrown the punch. It's assault. Is there anything worse than that? Is there anything worse than spitting in another human's face?

Well, the only difference is you spit someone, you know you're not going to kill them. But if you hit someone, you really could kill them. If you hit someone, you knock them out and they fall and hit their head on the concrete. They could die. That really can happen. So there's a difference. I don't think it's the same assault. It's fucking gross. It's mean.

You're basically as close to starting a fight as you can without hitting a person. But if you're going to have a scale of murder down to spitting in the face, there's a difference in what you're doing. You're certainly provoking someone to extreme violence. If you spit in someone's face, you don't leave them a lot of options. Right. Especially if they have a temper. Like, most people, if you spit in their face, they're going to throw.

Yeah. But if you hit someone and they fall and they die, it's not the same thing as spitting in someone's face. Believe me, you're going to go to jail for a long time. Unless you get the judge that gave the guy three years for choking a girl to death yeah in 1982 but it's like i'm telling you the world was a different place back then like women are right how about that like i know a lot of these feminists went crazy and some of them went way over the edge the point where they actually don't like men but they are right if you You watch movies like that,

and you see a woman who got choked to death, and the guy only got three years, and she was a movie star. Right. She was in Poltergeist, and she got choked to death, and the guy still only got three and a half years. Crazy. Dude, being a woman for most of history

must have been fucking terrifying, for most of history. Still terrifying, but for most of history, like you hook up with a guy, you got to really worry about this guy killing you. It's probably not going to happen one out of a hundred times, but one out of a hundred is like... Yeah, like who's that chick that died

while hanging out with Christopher Walken and whoever? Huh? Yeah, the girl that was murdered. How come you haven't had any of was uh murdered um jack is that a name how come you haven't had any of your drink this is like pure diesel fuel texas whiskey is that what this says cheers i don't know i need california pussy whiskey well there's a bunch of those stories like uh natalie wood is that it that one, right? She drowned on a boat. Christopher Walken was there. Robert Wagner, I think, was the one who people were pointing the finger at.

But Christopher Walken, I think, was hanging out. They're all on the boat or something. I was there. Not paying attention. Seems weird that he just... Here I am, on a boat. Seems like he would be a... Yeah, Natalie Wood's death. Christopher Walken breaks his silence. Oh were arguing it's true I watched him the

other day in just I just watched a preview of that movie where he can see the future or holds people's hands was it called dead zone was that what is Stephen King book I think it's a dead zone yeah that was wild he was so young baby faced and there was a guy in it who was uh played by michael sheen who was uh gonna be the president a crazy egomaniac president and he wanted to detonate nukes he wanted to start a nuclear war christopher walken could see the future there he is he died and came back to life and when he came backopher walken could see the future there he is he died and came back to life and when he gave back to life he could see the future when he touched your hand

like he holds your hand and he could see what's going to happen to you what a badass look at young christopher walken look at that fucking guy oh he's great he's he's been great forever him and harvey kytel they don't get enough yeah enough love. Christopher Walken's been in so many great movies, man. What's that vampire movie? Scroll down. What is that? What is that? What the fuck is that movie?

Sleepy Hollow. Sleepy Hollow. Oh, wow. No shit. I don't remember that at all. There's too many movies. Tim Burton. Just watched Beetlejuice for the first time in a while oh it's a classic so good my family and i we watched nightmare before halloween or nightmare

before christmas yeah watch that every year that's great it's fucking fantastic and it's incredible while watching beetlejuice i was thinking about what we were talking about earlier about how what executive would make that today not knowing that it's a hit you know like just like okay so there there's this couple that dies and they're like okay well at least they're not a likable couple right no super super likable couple they die within the first five minutes of the film and then they go back to their head there's a couple of ones that the people five minutes of the film. And then they go back to their, there's a couple of the ones that the people that want to buy the house after they die, they take over the house.

It's basically a creepy movie about real estate and them not listening to the leader of purgatory that tells them to do anything but say Beetlejuice three times, but they do. The exec would be like, what are you talking about? Get out of here. Beetlejuice three times, but they do. The exec would be like, what are you talking about? Get out of here. Beetlejuice? Okay, pal.

Great. Yeah, we'll let you know. You know what I watched again recently? Coraline. Did you ever see that? Mm-mm. I think that's Tim Burton as well. 99% sure.

It's amazing. It's really good. It's really creepy, animated. No? No. It's not? Who is No? It's not? Who is it? It's not Tim Burton?

Henry Selleck. I don't know. Tim Burton's not involved at all? I'll double check and then make sure you didn't produce it or something. Why don't you check Snopes? You know what else I watched the other day? Dare you. We've been going back and forth about Snopes.

What's Snopes? What do you mean? Watched Kingpin the other day. Oh, that's a great movie. Unbelievable. Oh, probably their most underrated movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure.

It's so good. And what I realized watching it this time is that Bill Murray plays the bad guy. Oh, yeah. With his crazy hair. hair yeah the circular hair and he's a hilarious bad guy and woody harrelson plays the good guy and woody harrelson a great dramatic actor and bill murray's the silliest guy of all time and it just works perfectly it's it's an amazing movie and it's amazing movie about bowling yeah yeah bill bill murray's he's great as a bad guy he was a bad guy in groundhog day yeah he's a bad guy that became a good guy by the end of the movie he's a great golfer look at bill murray's here next to donald

trump's hair who wore better you should see bill murray out on the golf course. He's so funny, man. He's really silly out there. I saw a video of him. He called over the guy with a microphone. You know how you hear golf shots when they happen? The guy that holds that thing. And he called him over. He said, come over here. Get closer.

I want you to hear this fucking bomb I'm about to hit or something like that. And the guy gets closer and he sets up again he goes closer he goes closer and the guy gets right up on it and he does this big backswing and he slams the hell out of this ball man and it sounds it sounded like fucking heaven when he hit it because the guy's right on he had him right next to it he can play oh i heard i heard he's like a pro yeah yeah do you you see it anywhere? Tim Burton, Coraline? Nothing? There came up that people were asking about like he didn't direct or produce it.

Wow. Because it came out at the same time or a similar time as the other thing. It looks like one of his movies. That's what's crazy. I assumed he did it because it's so Tim Burton-like, you know, but it's probably someone who's a fan. Does like similar, weird, absurd, strange, creepy. I think that guy worked with Tim Burton.

Here's the article. It says he stepped out of his shadow to make Coraline. Oh, there it is. So maybe he's like a protege. Oh, okay. Interesting. Burton didn't produce or direct it. Interesting.

Neil Gaiman book. Just like Nightmare Before. Oh, okay. Cool. Well, he nailed it. Whoever that gentleman is. It's really good. It's just a strange movie about these people that move into this house,

and it's all animated. And this little girl finds this door that's been sealed off, like this little tiny two-foot door. She's like, what the fuck is this? But it's been covered in wallpaper, and she finds a key for it, and she opens it up, and it has a tunnel. She goes through it and finds a key for it and she opens it up and it has a tunnel she goes through it and finds a version of her family that's way nicer than her family but they have buttons for eyes like the mom

is like doting like her parents are writers and all they're doing is like we have to work get out of here i'm trying to work and they're like they're not into hanging out with the kids she's bored and it's rainy and shitty and then she goes through this weird tunnel, and all the people over there are mirrors of her parents, but much nicer. All they're into is her. They care about is her and her wishes, and they give her the most delicious food,

and they're with her all the time, but they want her to have button eyes. They want her to stay there forever, and then eventually she realized, like, something's really fucking wrong here. And she's going back and forth between the two worlds. It's really cool.

So whenever you have kids, Tony, whenever you shoot a live one, it's the old lady. And you make a little baby kid, little baby Tony. Little baby kid. Make him watch Coraline. Okay.

Say it could be worse, you little fuck. Look, this lady wants to sew buttons in your eyeballs sounds scary it's a it's a cool movie yeah and they they get creepier and creepier as the movie goes on the parents get progressively weirder and creepier like they it's nice slow burn like they start off real sweet spoiler alert and they keep getting weirder and weirder edward scissorhands turns into a Christmas movie at the end. Does it?

Yeah. I don't think I ever watched that. It's a good one. I'm sure. That's a fun one to watch. How many movies has Johnny Depp been in? A lot. Jesus Christ.

They booted him out of this new movie because he lost a lawsuit. See that? Yeah. Crazy. Did you hear the recordings where she's admitting to hitting him she's admitting to punching him yeah i guess the judge is just insane on this case well it was a it was a civil suit right where he was suing a tabloid for um describing him in a inaccurate manner or describing his life.

And then he lost that suit. And because he lost that suit, I wonder if it's like just the optics of him losing that suit. So the studio has to step in and get rid of him. Right. Is that what it is? I think so.

That's just what they do nowadays. They're like, okay, you're not working. Not working. I think they still have to pay him though. I think that's also part they do nowadays. They're like, okay, you're not working. Not working. I think they still have to pay him, though. I think that's also part of the thing. He still gets an eight-figure paycheck. So weak. Heck yeah.

And he gets to stay home. Beautiful. Yeah. Doesn't have to do the press releases. Doesn't have to walk the red carpet. He gets to just be Johnny Depp out there. Wouldn't it be nice if it just the the the he doesn't do the movie but that money just pays her off like get out yep stop leave me alone i don't think

she gets any money anymore i think he's suing her now i think that's what's happening you know he's a badass jeff bezos got a divorce made his ex immediately the richest woman of all time you know immediately she became that 36 billion dollars the richest woman of all time won it all in a divorce and then right after that which was 2019 he goes and he doubles or triples his overall wealth. So he got out right before making her twice over the richest woman of all time. So she got $36 billion or whatever instead of $72, which she would have gotten a year later once the pandemic hit.

That probably pisses some women off that the way the richest women get to be the richest women is through divorce. There's probably a lot of women right now that just don't even want to fucking hear that yeah like don't can we just not mention that stop it richest woman of all time we're trying to be over here kicking ass yep she did it by getting cheated on um did she i think they were already broken up do you want a cigar i know you do she's number 22 on the list overall as of september yeah shut your mouth of richest people shut your mouth right she's the richest 22 for women of all people right of all people she's the richest woman though yeah but she's oh yeah most of the money was in

stock why are you splitting hairs jamie oh i'm not no i'm just saying she seems like you got some of that money too like she's fine Did you read that on Snopes? She got fucked? She did not get fucked. Oh, no. She made like $35 billion, right? Didn't she? Yeah, yeah. But I was saying the point was that he got her out before the whole stock went up.

She just went up with the stock also. He knew what was coming. He probably did. Probably did. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah here you go 35 35 billion okay yes at the time smile on his face she's the third wealthiest woman the world now she's the most well whatever how it's gone up in just a year she gave a bunch of money to the bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to like I think I think some Billy's crazy gave a lot of money the giving

pledge is what that's called what is the charitable giving campaign in which she willingly committed to give away almost her most of her wealth to charity over her lifetime or in her will this is can you take that back it's a non legally non-binding good change your mind so that makes sense when they get older stop having periods start getting mean yeah develop some testosterone that's one of the things that uh you see old ladies with mustaches yeah they get testosterone really yeah the body stops producing as much estrogen get a little more rugged especially if you have to fend for yourself that's the amount of testosterone that i have naturally i have the testosterone of an old lady old angry lady with no periods yeah same mustache by the way i'm not a doctor i don't know if that's

true but there i do know that women who fend for themselves and who run businesses and women who are like entrepreneurs and go-getters, they do statistically have higher levels of testosterone. And they think there's a correlation between not just their actions, but when they're forced into the role of the breadwinner and forced into this role, they actually naturally develop more testosterone than they would if they were in a situation where they were married to Jeff Bezos and they could just chill. Right. That makes sense. Totally makes sense.

People are adaptable. Yeah. And like testosterone, I mean, of course they have to. Who's gonna have that type of go-getter, go-getted energy without it? Like that chick from, um man oh the the um one that made tried

to make the machine where it tests your blood oh i was gonna bring her up elizabeth thanos yeah yeah you know that's a fake voice that deep voice she had so she faked scary she faked a voice i want to hear a real voice people caught caught her talking on the phone, and they were like, well, who was in your room? And they walked in there and saw her, and she saw them. Hey, let me call you back. She pretended to be like a female Steve Jobs. She's like, I know what to do. I'll just act like a man.

I'll put on black turtlenecks. And everybody celebrated her. Everybody's like, you're amazing. You're amazing. They wanted a woman to be an entrepreneur so bad. She was the richest self-made woman ever. I think at one point in time she was worth more than $9 billion. For nothing, too.

It was all a lie. Yeah. It was certainly a lot of lies. I don't know if it was all a lie. I don't think it worked. I think they really exaggerated what it could do. And they sold it to like, I think they sold it to Walgreens. And the thing is, it's not just as simple as they lied. It's also that people got medical screenings with that device that weren't

accurate. So like, maybe you don't feel good. Maybe you have a history of cancer in your family. And you're like, Oh my God, I think I might have something. And then you go to wherever and you get that Theranos blood screening and they go, no Mike, you're fine. And you're like, whew, back to boozing. Oh my god.

Meanwhile, Mike's got colon cancer or Mike's got a tumor in his liver or Mike's got and you never find out because this blood scanner thing is horseshit. How long did they put her away for? They haven't put her away. She hasn't lost in court yet. I believe the company went bankrupt.

And then they owe so much money. I think Betsy DeVos, I think she's into them for some astounding amount of money i think she uh she went in for i want to say it's more than 50 million dollars and a lot of other like really high profile people got sucked into the narrative right the narrative was here's this genius woman who's really like the female ste Jobs and she even dressed like Steve Jobs and it sounded great I remember here in the store like wow this chick's badass I remember thinking like oh that's cool I can get a blood test just by a finger prick way better because I get blood tests all the time I always want to find out where my body is

and because I take so many vitamins and nutrients and testosterone replacement and all this shit and nad i want to find out how healthy i am theranos holmes may pursue mental disease in her defense yeah i heard about that yeah the um she might say she's mentally ill which is why she lied a lot but um there's a really great uh podcast series about her the dropout it's called the dropout it's excellent I think it might be wondering find out if it's wondering find out who makes it but it's yeah but it's the podcast series is amazing when I was living in California I listened to it like back to back to back until it was over. Like every week when the new episode would come out,

I'd get pumped. ABC Audio, it says. ABC Audio. Whoever made it, thumbs up. You guys killed it. Because it was so compelling. Like you find the story, there's a guy named Sonny

who was her boyfriend who drove a Lamborghini. He's a real flashy guy. And the two of them put this scam together. But he claimed to not know what she was doing and you watched the whole thing on hbo right i didn't know oh man yeah i know all about sunny you gotta watch it man they go to work together they they and they didn't know when they knew they were banging right yeah they were hiding it which is kind of hot yeah Oh, yeah. I'm so tired of Sonny's shit. I mean, thinking about firing him. Right. She's like, yeah.

Yeah. Sonny's like, I think Elizabeth lost her mind. Every day. Send it in. Rolling into work together. Woo! Hooking up at night. Yeah.

Borrowing a bunch of money for a product that was never going to work. Do you think they were doing coke or something because i think maybe when you see decisions like that that you know like there's no way this is going to work what's happening here i usually think someone's on some sort of speed amphetamines coke something something crazy very easily could have been yeah so you know all about this and you never watched the HBO documentary series? No. Oh, it's absolutely incredible. I'm sure it's good.

I got the whole story from the ABC podcast series. Seeing it's pretty crazy, though, because the machine is like, it was never going to work. And every scientist is showing you it was never going to work. And it shows you the needles and the glass vials just breaking it was just a pool pools of blood in these dirty plastic machines that they had or i mean they had to get these orders out to walgreens and as you probably know they were training people at walgreens with that had no cashiers that had no experience of the such how to because they ended up having to draw the blood of these people because they just kept lying to people they're like oh this thing isn't working today you got the pass for the the thana what was it again

thanos theranos theranos but unfortunately today it's down so we're just going to take your blood with a syringe. And they had to train these Walgreens employees. To tap into veins? Yes. Oh, my God. That's crazy. And that's how they kept the con going on for even longer. Because once Walgreens was behind it, they paid the money.

They're like, oh, well, let's at least. There's something fascinating about cons. Yeah. Something fascinating. Super fascinating. they're like oh well let's at least there's something fascinating about cons yeah something fascinating super fascinating you know like uh i went to a boxing gym once in north hollywood and the boxing coach never forget this he's like uh you should invest in this thing i'm doing i'm like what is it it was a pyramid scheme he starts describing it to me it's like well you buy in and then uh when you get other people to join up then you cash out i go i go you just you're you're talking about a pyramid scheme like he didn't know what a pyramid scheme is he's like dude i've been making some money off of this

i go do you know what a pyramid scheme is he goes no i go what you described is a pyramid scheme there's no google back then and i was like god damn it and i'm like i gotta stop coming here like because the guy wouldn't stop talking to me about this really i'm telling you you should invest in this it's a great deal i'm getting money back i'm putting money in you get a bunch of people to join in i go where's the money going well they're investing and what and what it was like he was he didn't understand like it's like the biggest pyramid scheme ever, the biggest Ponzi scheme, is Bernie Madoff. It was just super, super, super sophisticated.

He got Steven Spielberg. Really? Oh, yeah. Wow. He got some sophisticated people. The guy who made Poltergeist also got taken. See, find out all the famous people that got taken by Bernie Madoff. It's a big list.

Jeez. Yeah, because he was bringing back real returns, like real returns. You'd get a certain percentage every year. He was just nailing it. And there was a lot of financial people that were like, what is this? What are you doing?

This doesn't add up. What's happening here? What are the odds that his fucking last name was Madoff? Is that the weirdest? It's like OJ's last name being cold-blooded murder. It's insane. He made off with a bunch of money. Or Wiener.

Right. Right? That's another perfect one. The guy who likes to show his dick. Yeah. This guy's... Is it Andrew Wiener? Is that what his name is?

Anthony? Anthony Wiener. Yeah. This guy's... Is it Andrew Wiener? Is that what his name is? Anthony? Anthony Wiener. Yeah. Where's he? He's out of jail, right? He should be doing stand-up. That's a good idea.

That guy's a comic. Steven Spielberg. The director's charity, the Wunderkinder Foundation, lost an undisclosed amount in November 2006. It had assets of $12.6 million, and 70% of its interest and dividend income reportedly came from

Madoff. Wow. Kevin Bacon. They got taken. And Keira Sedgwick. She got taken. Norman Brandman. Whoever that is. Ira Renert. Look at him. He should be taken. I don't trust your tie. I don't like the color of your shirt

Get the fuck out of here Zsa Zsa Gabor God damn They took Zsa Zsa You piece of shit She suffered a 10 million dollar loss Oh no She's from Green Acres bro

Oh my goodness They got the Holocaust survivor too Sandy Koufax Sandy Koufax Wow Wow Who else? Malkovich

Oh my god Malkovich You son of a bitch They should kill him for that Wow. Wow. Who else? Malkovich. Oh, my God. Malkovich! You son of a bitch! They should kill him for that. It says most of them have recovered. Oh, shut up. No, wait.

Recovered. Finally receiving payouts. They're not recovered everything. They're just finally starting to get money back, but this was 2017. $4 billion of recovered funds. I wonder how they're... Look at his face. One of the things they said that was really fascinating about him, the cops that

that handled him and all the people that brought him to court like he never felt any remorse never he was a straight-up sociopath he didn't give a fuck he kept demanding things he felt he should get more things like better treatment wanted better rooms no no remorse never felt bad that he all these retirees these people that just saved their whole life and they were going to put all their money in his account Norman I think we're going to get a good return on our money and just fuck you

he just stole it why steal that much money because that was what his business was but what's the difference between 4 billion and 1 billion 3 billion you fucking idiot Jesus Christ when I am giving you math advice you got a real problem but what can you buy with four that you can't buy with one island but does anyone do that yeah

no one wants their own island you're so naive listen to me it's like everything when you're playing a game okay let's say you're playing golf right and you get you what's a good handicap zero zero okay and say what are you at right now uh horrible i don't know whatever we'll say everybody starts shitty whatever you are you're better than me yeah what are you i'm not sure of my exact handicap 30 sure okay you want to be 15 don't you right and then you want to be five yeah okay well when you're elon musk and you're worth 20 billion or whatever you look at jeff bezos like that piece of shit stealing my ideas his fucking project blue or whatever that bullshit rocket formula thing he's got, lying about his achievements.

I want to beat him. Right. When you're Jeff Bezos and you realize you're worth $150 billion, but you realize some Saudi oil guys are probably worth a couple trillion. I want to be nice, be the first legit trillionaire from the Western world. Why wouldn't Bezos quit? Why doesn't he stop working? Why doesn't he just lie on a beach somewhere, get his balls massaged and drink coconut juice?

Why? Why do people keep working? They keep working because it's a sickness. Because numbers, you get numbers, you want more numbers. It's one thing if you're getting numbers doing what you love to do. Like if you're a baseball player and they keep paying you more and you love baseball. But if you're just a straight up numbers man, you're never fucking satisfied. You want more numbers.

What is it? Bernie Madoff asking Trump to reduce his prison sentence for massive Ponzi scheme. What year is this? This is last year. I hope he does. I hope he does just for the spectacle of it all. I hope he pardons Snowden.

I hope he pardons Julian Assange. Let's Madoff out. Gives O.J. Simpson a full pardon. What else? O.J. Yeah. Exonerates Mike Tyson. It goes down the list of everyone who ever went to jail.

How many pardons do you get? As many as you want, I believe. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. What if he just opens up the prisons? Everyone, pardon! He might. Donald Trump loves you, and you can all vote. What if he changes that he just opens up the prisons everyone pardon he might donald trump loves you you could all vote what if he changes that opens up the prisons makes everyone pardon for every crime ever and then you can all vote everything except murder and rape that'd be an

interesting uh storyline like if you know he's gonna push back on this thing i don't know what's gonna happen but it'd be an interesting, that'd be an interesting movie. A president who's mad that he didn't get reelected, so he lets out his anger on the country and just uses all of his power. Well, he already fired, what is it, the Secretary of State? No, the Secretary of Defense.

Yeah, he fired the Secretary of Defense. I mean, when you're firing people two months in, and there was a, maybe it was New York Times Times article I was reading, about his schedule. They were saying he shows little interest in his job right now. Yeah. But what do you expect?

He just lost the election. Do you expect a guy that played golf more than any other president ever in the history of presidents who complained about Obama playing golf, who's playing golf was playing golf more than anybody ever when you tell him the job's over he's not gonna make it he's not gonna keep working why would he do that yeah why would he keep working plus you don't you don't believe in the people that you don't believe your why help the people that went against you well not everybody went against right i agree i mean agree. I mean, look, I've always been weirdly...

I sort of like the guy. Well, you like bad guys. Yeah, but I don't think... I like bad guys that are actually good guys, but are bad guys. You know what I mean? Have you watched Cobra Kai? No.

You should watch it. That's the whole theme of the movie. Really? The show, the series. Yeah. You remember the bad guy that Ralph Macchio fucked up? Mm-hmm. He's the guy you root for in the Cobra Kai series.

Wow. It's really good. It's really good and it's really cheesy in a good way. It's like watching a really well-written 1980s movie, but it goes on for hours and hours and hours. Wow. It's like a Netflix 1980s movie with 2020 writing, but like an homage to 1980s movies and Ralph Macchio what is what's Ralph Macchio doing this he's the bad guy but he's also a good guy he's a good guy but he's making some really fucking petty

decisions and you kind of root against him and the bad guy is kind of a fucking loser but you kind of root for him yeah ralph macchio's a winner got a car agency he's doing real well yeah larusso larusso auto sales fucking great you know when trump was at madison square garden i just didn't get the i just didn't get the vibe from him that he was a bad guy. Oh, well, that's good enough. It's a different... She saw him from a distance. It seems... Jesus Christ, Tony.

You're the average American voter. Hey, 70 million people can't be wrong. Of course they can. That's him. That's the... Wow, Johnny Lawrence. Yeah, Johnny Lawrence. What is his real name?

I don't remember off the top of my head. He's really good, though. The actor. I don't know what he's done since Cobra Kai. I hope he's had regular jobs. I haven't seen him in anything. Maybe Mike Barnes? No.

Nope. How far into this did you get? I'm always surprised by the things you end up watching and not watching. This is a Bill Burr suggestion. Bill Burr suggestion. William Zabocki. Yeah, that's it. I knew it was a Z.

Zabka. He's really good. He's really good in it. I knew a lot of those karate douches when I was a kid. I knew a lot of those guys. Those never surrender. No retreat. Never surrender.

And then you just kick them in their chest and they surrender immediately well they weren't the best schools like um my school i was really lucky i found this the school when i was uh 15 years old i had a place that i went to before that in uh newton it was was Joe Esposito's karate school. And he was like a Newton legend. He was a karate guy. It was a good school. But I didn't have the method to get there.

It was too hard to get there. I had to get my parents to give me rides. And they couldn't do it in time. Because by the time they got off work, the class had already started. There was no public transportation when I was 14 that could get me there so i didn't go that often but then the t which was the massachusetts of boston train system dropped me off like two blocks away from the j hun kim taekwondo institute and i found it when i was 15 i got super super lucky because they were the most hardcore and this was in 1980 they were there it was just different

it was uh i guess i was 15 so it was 81 ish 81 82 it was they were hardcore man but they weren't like no no retreat no surrender it wasn't there was none of that shit it was yes sir no sir honor bowing you know it was like you had the tenets of Taekwondo that you had to follow. There was no shenanigans or fuckery, but there was no tough guy shit either. It was very stoic. But we would go to tournaments, and you would see those,

no retreat, no surrender. You'd see those guys. They weren't good. That was part of the problem. They were trying to make up for the lack of the skill and the lack it's all about lineage man it's all about who's teaching you like whether or not you learn your techniques correctly because if you go to a bad school one of the things that i found out when i was teaching is it's really hard to unlearn shit when i would teach people things like if they had a

background in like a martial art that in the 70s and the 80s there was no youtube right so like you had to find a good instructor and you didn't know who the good instructors were some guys had bad technique but they were just badasses and they figured out how to win with bad technique but then they would go up against someone who was also a badass who had better technique and then you would see the difference like the the the really good guys the tough guys that didn't have the right technique they would eventually fall off and it was really hard for them to relearn stuff so when i would teach people it'd be real hard to relearn stuff like the best students were people that knew nothing the best students were girls because they didn't have any macho bullshit like one of my best students

was a girl that I trained from the time she was 15 so she was like 18 I was so proud of her I would take her to karate tournaments or these taekwondo tournaments and she would do well it was like this crazy weird mentor relationship I have with this girl she was she would listen to everything she never thought she knew more than you so i'd have like 50 people in my class but this one girl just would show up every day her parents would bring her and they would encourage her it was really cool but girls wouldn't they wouldn't fight you on things like guys i would teach them i'm like you got to pick your knee up well sometimes when the guy's close i like to do

it like this i'm like okay right listen to me you got to pick your knee up. They're like, well, sometimes when the guy's close, I like to do it like this. I'm like, okay. Right. Listen to me. You got to pick your knee up. Yeah. Do you want to kick like that guy? You want to kick like John Lee? You got to pick your knee up.

You got to do it right. Guys would have like this weird ego shit. Girls wouldn't have it. I would say, you have to pick your knee up. They would go like this. And you're like, yes. And then turn like that. And they would just do it.

And if you learn the right way way you had a way better path if you learn so i got stupid lucky that i walked into the right school and found these people that were like hardcore with technique everything had to be done correctly and if you were off at all we called every instructor was misters mr o'malley or mr kim mr o'malley or mr kim they would correct you not like that like this didn't matter how hard you were hitting the back. If your knee was low or if your knee was, everything, your position was wrong, your foot wasn't pivoted, they would correct you. Technique's everything. You know that from wrestling, right? 100% everything. And golf. It's everything.

Everything. Technique is everything. Any moron that would take a golf club and go, I'm going to hit this ball so hard without doing the 30 things at once that you have to do will fall over and look like a complete moron. That's why it's so good to learn new things. Yeah. Because when you learn new things and you start from scratch, you get to be a beginner again.

Yeah. And one of the things that I think plagues a lot of people is they never become beginners again at things. And so you get proficient at something and then you become stagnant like um whatever it is whether it's martial arts or whether it's uh even pool i would remember when i would play in tournaments a lot there was guys that never got better like they were where i was when i first started and then i got way better and they were the same same with martial arts there's some people they they do something for a long time, but they never do it right.

They always have like these weird flaws in their style or their execution or the technique. But I think getting good at anything, whether it's chess or golf or playing a musical instrument, I think that's one of the most important things a person can do is learn something from scratch where you suck at it Yeah, I'm trying to think of the next thing because I'm I'm not great at archery, but I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good I'm pretty proficient I know how to keep my shit together When it comes to like the moment of truth when I like it in a bow hunting scenario Because I've been nervous a lot doing stand-up and fighting and all the other shit I've ever done

But I need something new i'm trying to figure out what it should be but i think um guns like learning how to shoot pistols correctly like that terror tactical that helped a lot that was an interesting thing to do to get better at that because you realize like this is a totally different thing than anything else you do and so you and learning from all the people there like how to hold it correctly grab it really hard with your right hand but your left hand or your left hand rather but your right hand you don't really grab that hard which is interesting because that's the trigger finger but you don't

have a lot of tension in that the tension is more in your left hand and all these techniques you learn from this like people that win these world championships and shooting anything you're doing man whatever whatever it is whether it's yoga or any, just try something new. Right. And get better at it. Yeah. I play golf with one guy who wants to be good, so he's not getting any better because he's like cheating.

You know what I mean? He cheats? Yeah. And we all know that he cheats, but he doesn't know that we all know and that we're watching him the whole time. So it's one of the funniest running things. Three out of the four of us know that the one is cheating continuously. So he'll do this thing where he'll find his ball, if he finds his ball, by the way, which if he can't find his ball, he'll just say that he found his ball and drop another ball.

find his ball he'll just say that he found his ball and drop drop another ball with he'll he'll pull his cart over and then go to the other side of his cart so that we're all blocked out and he'll magically find his ball but if he doesn't golf with donald trump no because that's what he does that's what everybody says no these people are full of crap you watch tiger woods he'll tell you he's one of the best golfers that he's ever golfed with. I'd say that too if I wanted to go to Mar-a-Lago. I live in Florida. I want to go to Mar-a-Lago. I don't want to be banned like Joe Scarborough. No.

That's why they don't show you clips of Trump playing golf because they don't want people to know how good he is at it. I'm dead serious. Stop. Stop. I will not. Listen to me, stupid. Don't you think Trump would have videos of him being awesome at golf? Yeah, that's out there.

Let's watch them. Okay. Do you think you have videos of Trump, like you have videos of Manny Pacquiao running out in the pool? I told you Manny Pacquiao is like a legit pro. You saw it. Do you think there's videos of Trump playing like Manny Pacquiao plays pool? Trump probably doesn't release the videos

because he thinks people will compare him to pro golfers. But to a non-pro golfer, he's a freak. Listen to me, bitch. I'm telling you, I'm right about this. You're talking nonsense. How and why President Trump cheats at golf, even when he's playing against Tiger Woods. Of course. Yeah.

Fake news. Golf.com. Yeah, golf.com. Golf.com. Sure, you can go to the New York Times and they'll tell you Trump is bad at something. Bro, if anybody's conservative, it's golf players. So you think Tiger Woods is... How many conservative golf players do you think there are?

Is it 1,000%? There's a lot. Trump owns like 10 of the best courses. I understand. But people that play golf are generally business-oriented folks. Business-oriented folks want better tax breaks. They're the kind of people that are going to be conservative. so they're going to buy golf magazine yeah people who write about golf maybe a little bit more liberal because they're journalists yeah exactly every journalist is

liberal not everyone i mean there's a couple but nobody's reading them what's a conservative newspaper trump doesn't just cheat at golf. He cheats like a three-card Monty dealer. He throws it, boots it, and moves it. He lies about his lies. He fudges and foozles and fluffs. At Winged Foot, where Trump is a member, the caddies got so used to seeing him kick his ball back onto the fairway,

they came up with a nickname for it. Pele. That's a nickname for it. Pele. That's a nickname for him. Pele. Get out of here. I played with him once, says Brian Marshall, a longtime Winged Foot member, and the chair of the coming 2020 Men's U.S. Open. I would say that's a legit source.

His quote, it was a Saturday morning game. We got to the first tee, and he couldn't have been nicer. But then he said, you see those two guys? They cheat. See me? I cheat. And I expect you to cheat because we're going to beat those two guys today. He's being funny.

So, yes, it's true. He's going to cheat you. But I think Donald, in his heart of hearts believes that you're gonna cheat him too so if it's the same if everybody's cheating he doesn't see it as really cheating okay well that makes sense because i would think that a lot of his friends are dirtbags too like one of the things about joke thieves right we all know this they take kids on the road with them and those kids become joke thieves right we don't have to name names yep but we know we know comics who started out working for thieves yep and those comics became thieves no doubt yeah because they realize like this guy's got a mercedes yeah lives in a nice house

yeah and that's how it's done that's how it's done right you're real if you grow up in the wrong environment you really you think that that's the way to do it, you know? And I think if you're in that fucking dog-eat-dog, crazy, egomaniac, pre-internet business world, which Trump, he's 74, right? He was 50 when the internet came around. Stop and think about that, right? Yeah. They weren't expecting that.

Come on, son. Thought you could just keep being a douchebag. Speaking of cons, I saved a, I of cons, I stopped one the other day. You stopped a con? Yeah, I felt really good about it. So I was leaving my place, going to get a coffee, and I see this guy leaning out of his brown Bronco yelling at this lady in the car in the lane next to him.

He's got a Bronco? Yeah, something like that. Like a nice one? No, like a beatco yeah something like that like a nice one no like what year like a beat up oj one yeah yeah like an old beat up oj one and it's like beat up and brown and something just didn't look right about it and the guy's like yelling like no seriously pull over lady blah blah blah right and i noticed that and i'm like that something seems shady what's going on over there and then their light turns green and he's like beeping at this lady aggressively that's in the lane next to him whatever I go get my coffee um 10 minutes later I pull into a gas station to get something and I see

the same car and this guy there's a lady pulled over at the gas station and he's yelling at this lady and the lady's like and I'm trying to like listen but i'm not and again i'm like screw it i'm gonna mind my own business and i go in the gas station and then she is in line behind me she's going to the atm and i'm like hey just out of curiosity what what what that guy say to you she goes i think i'm being scammed. And I go, you are. It turns out that this guy was screaming at ladies that because of how they were driving, he had to swerve and hit a car. And he doesn't want to have to go through the insurance. So just give him a few hundred bucks now.

Since I saw him do it to two different ladies at two different cross streets, I caught on to it. And he was just about to get her. She was literally at the atm putting her card in when i say what what's that guy talking with you about and she knew it in her gut she was right she was scared though so she was just gonna do it right and that's how they that's how they that's how they get you there's a lot of those man that's weird about la you don't see a lot of those three card monte things have you ever seen three card Monty in

New York yeah yeah yeah or cards three card Monty's with cards but the cup thing is a like a similar kind of scam is like a little ball into the cup and they move the cups around and it's just like sleight of hand when you see David Blaine

manipulate cards you realize like oh okay like there's levels to everything like David Blaine manipulate cards, you realize, like, oh, okay. Like, there's levels to everything. Like, David Blaine can do crazy shit with cards. Like, he did shit with my daughter. Like, he, like, did these card tricks. And I was watching everything he did, and I have no idea how he did it. Like, he did things where, like, cards would, he'd have a stack of cards,

and he'd keep tapping the stack, and the stack would go smaller and smaller until there's, there was two cards. You have no idea how he did it. You're just looking at him like, what are you doing? It's like he's got access to time travel. He's pulling those cards out when you're not looking and then coming back to normal time. It didn't make – right?

I know how to do a couple minimal card tricks, and I'm not very good at them, but I have an idea of what's happening. You need trick decks and shit for the ones I know. I'm not good at them but like i have an idea of what's happening you need trick decks and shit for the one sign i'm not like it's not i'm not good at them but he was freaking me i was watching him do one i swear i was like i'm gonna catch him right now i'm gonna fucking catch him i was two feet from him and he did something i don't even it just disappeared how about the ones we did where the guys were holding his wrist we had our security guys hold each of his he asked them to do it hold each of his wrists he rolled his sleeves up and he made these cards disappear.

And you're like, what is happening? Oh, my God. What are you doing? Magicians are crazy. He's a master of more than just cards. It's like psychology and misdirection. He's mixed it all together at a level that we can't understand.

He's so advanced. Yeah. I took one writing gig like six or seven years ago with Justin Willmanman who's a genius great magician he he puts he's the netflix guy now and uh um i took the job because uh robert morton who used to be the executive producer of letterman was the ep of this anyway i take the job just because it's a short two four week we're making a pilot for this magician i'm like i like magic magic's cool and morty's the ep so this will be a cool thing

to work on right short job so i show up day one and basically we're all in a big writer's room or whatever and i go yeah you know i'll and they're like we got tony here because he's a you know he's gonna add some edge to the comedy on this show because it was Comedy Central's first ever magic comedy show, the pilot. And I go, yeah, you know, I'll punch up whatever. You guys show me the tricks that you want to do and I'll write jokes around the trick. And this is when I realized how cool this job was about to be. They go, the main guy goes, no, you write the trick and you write the jokes. And I'm like, so you'll be able to do whatever my imagination thinks would be a cool magic trick. And like him and like four other magicians, which was basically the rest of the creative staff at the same time were like, yup.

And that's what excites them. Because they can't even think of things. You know what I mean? They can, but they want to hear what a different mind thinks would be impossible. And then they figure out how to do it? What's an example? Well, we ended up, because it was a pilot of a show, we ended up having to figure out a theme for just the pilot.

So, for example, that was technology. So one of the things was him versus a 3D printer in making things appear. It was really funny because there was this kid. in making things appear. It was really funny because there was this kid, they went to this, we ended up finding this like nerdy smart school where this kid was excited about his 3d printer. And basically it was,

it was just him making things appear out of absolutely nowhere. While one kid was still printing one thing with a 3d printer took forever. And he ended up just pigeon, pigeon, pigeon, pigeon, car, car, car, car, car car card card like it ended up being you know it's a comedy so but um i'm trying to think of what other ones there were some really crazy ones i think it's a whole world yeah where there's there's things that they understand they know where the average person like you're looking at a deck of cards you have an idea of like you're looking at a deck of cards you have an idea of what's possible with with that deck of cards but they have just

10x times more options how to hold them how to move them how to maneuver those cards how to distract you with the other hand yeah i mean i'd like to hang around with david blaine for a few months yeah and watch him do tricks it ended up being one of the most fun gigs I ever worked on. I'd get home after a day of work and I'd find like the seven of spades in my shoe. I'm like, this guy forgot to finish that one trick. He stuffed a folded card under Jeff's watch band. Wow. And he's like, where's the card?

And Jeff's like, where'd it go? He goes, look at your wrist. And he's like uh where's the card and he's just like where'd it go he goes look at your wrist and he's like what and he like realized like it was folded and stuffed under his watch band and he has a fucking g-shock right so it's it's not like a loose crazy watch band it's a tight buckle rubber strap watch band he stuffs it in there and he's like what the fuck and i'm like what the fuck no one saw it yeah and that jamie what you were filming some of it right didn't you film some of it other people did so i i was wanting i was a big i was a big fan of his growing up because i was like a huge fan of magic david copperfield but like after i figured out how the fake that was

moved into street magic because it's a little harder to do, you know, and that's what he was big on. So I waited my whole life to watch him up close. Amazing. And got to be two feet from him, like I said. And I wanted to try to catch him. And he was so good at it. He did like seven tricks in front of me. He's a really nice guy.

Really nice guy. Like genuinely nice. On camera, off camera, with everybody. With security guys, with my family, with everybody. Like you could tell it's just really nice, friendly, genuine guy. But some of the stuff he does is fucking weird. Like you maybe shove an ice pick through his bicep. Yeah.

What was that like? I mean, what? Here's the thing. Yeah. It's not a trick, right? It's the thing. Yeah. It's not a trick, right? It's just pain. And I think pain is just a sensation, right? And if you could just tolerate the sensation, it's not deadly.

And one time I hit a nerve, and we had to back it out and do it again. I had to do it a second time because I got in there, and he said, stop, stop, stop. Like, it hit the nerve. So I had to back out a second time because I got in there and he said, stop, stop, stop. Like it hit the nerve. So I had to back out and do it again. I think it was supposed to be more disturbing and impressive than I reacted to it. Because first of all, I'm used to pain. You know, I've been doing martial arts most of my life.

So I'm always hurt. I've had a bunch of surgeries. And also I've butchered animals. I understand muscle tissue. It's just like, why are we doing this? It was more why are we doing this than, oh my God, I can't believe we're doing this. That one was not a good one for me because it's like, okay, I could do that too. If you want to shove that through my arm, I could just sit here while you shove that through my arm.

I wouldn't like it though. Did he bleed? Yeah, he bled a little bit. Yeah. We had to stop and refilm because he had like a little bit of a hematoma, right Jamie? Wasn't it? Like a little building up. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And so the security guys had to put like a fucking band-aid on it shit check it out some one of them's a medic how do you think do you think he went through the muscle i i pushed it through his fucking arm dude like his muscle a hundred percent not between the bone and the muscle no no i shoved it through his muscle 100 but you you can do that how thick was it? the needle? it was an ice pick but I'm telling you you can do that

you know there's guys this is one of the things we found out during the show that I didn't know there's guys that would shove swords through their body their whole gig was shoving swords

through their body and we watched it live I mean not live we watched videos of these guys shoving swords through this one guy's body who And we watched it live. I mean, not live. We watched videos of these guys shoving swords through this one guy's body, who was famous for it. So it would take like a long, thin sword, and they'd shove it through his chest

and it would come out the other end. And he'd just be standing there with his sword through him. Yeah, so here's me. Did you see this? No. So here's me shoving. I forgot about it. What?

Yeah, he's like showing me how to do it. Push it through here. So here's me shoving. I heard about it. What? Yeah. He's like showing me how to do it. Push it through here. Yeah. Just shove it through. No. Yeah. Poked it right through.

100% real. But again, that's not the best one for me. Because if you're a person who's like, doesn't necessarily see a lot of pain or you haven't used to like surgery or someone getting, like if you did that to a doctor, right? The doctor would be like, okay, I see what you're doing. Just pushing something through the muscle and it probably hurts, right?

It's not a good joke or a trick. It's not an illusion. You're just doing something that hurts. Like, okay. Like Steve-O could do that. Steve-O's probably done that a hundred times. He's not an illusion. You're just doing something that hurts. Like, okay. Like, Steve-O could do that. Steve-O's probably done that a hundred times. He does things like that. Yeah.

Even with the... Didn't he go to clown college or something like that? I think, but... Steve-O climbed in a fucking tree and had lions come chasing after him. Yeah. Like, he's... He's the best. Yeah, he does a lot of shit that hurts.

He did the frog thing, too, though, which is like another... That was a different thing. He swallowed a frog. He swallowed a shitload of water. So during the podcast, he probably drank 15 bottles of water or something crazy. And then he swallowed this frog. And then the frog is in his stomach with all the water that he swallowed. And then he spit up the water slowly but surely in a bucket.

We had an ice bucket on the table and then he eventually got to the point where he felt the frog coming up and he spit the frog out into my hand okay good lord yeah i mean he knows how to do it man that's the difference between david blaine and steve-o steve- eats the frog. You're watching it come out of a different hole. The frog comes out of my nose. Here it comes. Put the plunger to my butthole. That stuff holds up, man.

Those movies, nothing makes me laugh like those movies. I swear to God. Jackass? Yep. Nothing. Those guys are crazy. I could watch it over and over and over again. What's amazing is that Steve-O walks around like he's fine.

It doesn't seem that hurt. I mean, one time, real recently, he had a bunch of skin grafts. Remember, he got real badly burnt? Yeah. One of the things he was doing. Oh, yeah, because he put together this new special. I actually, he had me come over to watch it. And I'm telling you, it is so freaking good.

He saved a lot of his favorite things that he wrote himself for this did you ever see the one where tim kennedy choked him unconscious on stage is that this one this new thing no this one's a while ago but uh my friend tim kennedy who was a top notch middleweight in the ufc put the fucking choke to him choked him completely unconscious and let him go and he falls and bounces his head off the ground it's like oh this most recent one on this is the one he taped himself oh he's so funny this he does my favorite thing I've ever seen on this one where uh he pretends like he's a bicyclist you know bicyclists wear those goofy outfits look at the yeah his dick yeah so he just painted

himself like he's but meanwhile his dick's hanging out oh my god and all these people he always falls next to somebody and they're just about to help him and then they see that his dick and balls are just painted black doesn't really have a bite look at this oh my god God. Johnny Knoxville just kicked him right in the balls and dick. That's pieces of his skin. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Giant boils.

At one point, I think he does a shot of it. Does a shot glass of one of his infected burn pouches. Yeah, that's not good. It's very funny, though. It's a weird way to make a living, though, right? Because after a while, you realize you're going to go Houdini eventually. Someone's going to hit you with something. You're going to die. Something's going to go wrong.

But maybe not, because he's been doing it. How old is Steve-O? 45? Probably, yeah. 45? 46. 46? He's been doing it a long-ass time.

Yeah. I think he was going to let Chuck Liddell punch him. That's not a good idea. I think that was one of the things he was doing. Something was going to happen. Johnny Knoxville got knocked out by Butterbean. Oh, yeah. Who was an enormous man. Yeah.

And he let him knock him out. He had a boxing match with Butterbean, which means you're going to let Butterbean knock you out. Right. Because you're not going to win. Probably gave Butterbean a little bit of a thicker boxing glove on that one. Right? No.

No? No. No, it was a regular glove. Looked like a nice regular 10-ounce glove. Sent him into the DMT dimension. Scary. It's a regular glove, right? I don't think it's even a sparring glove.

I don't think it's a 16-ounce or an 18-ounce glove. I think it's a legit 10-ounce heavyweight boxing glove. Butterbean, who is this? Early days of jackass. What's that? It's the early days of jackass when they were doing all sorts of shit on MTV still. Not even just their movies. Oh, this is different. He fought him in a in a ring too this is him fighting him in a store

he hits his head on a display i think look he beats the shit out of him that's legit he just beat him down and this lady's like what in the fuck look at these people like but this is legit like he's not like faking it so this means that johnny knoxville got knocked out by butter bean more than once because those actually those look like 16 ounce gloves i'm gonna be honest those are bad gloves that johnny has on because they have velcro on them there oh he's letting him hit him he let him have a couple oh but johnny does not a punch that's not fair and then he kos him yikes terrible but there was also one, maybe it was Steve-O. Someone boxed him in a ring.

See if it's Steve-O. You know what you might be thinking about? You might be thinking about the Tough Enough Pro Wrestling Tournament. They did a... No. I'm thinking about, for sure, Jackass. Okay. Where someone boxed Butterbean in a ring.

It was an actual ring. I think that was all they did with him. It might have been something else. I'm pretty sure someone boxed him in a ring. It was an actual ring. I think that was all they did with him. It might have been something else. I'm pretty sure someone boxed him in a ring. See, that's why it's a... WrestleMania. Yeah, but it's not that. See Butterbean KO's...

Text Butterbean KO Steve-O. I just have Jackass and Butterbean. It would come off. Yeah, but just take off Jackass. Just Butterbean knocks out Steve-O. Yeah. One of the guys fought it was a look so is it only in the store what's that one that will keep going down the one right below eric yeah that one right there that's the no no right below that sorry when we just watched is that the same thing it's all giant knoxville but there's one in a ring

maybe it's like a false memory so So the WWE once did this thing. They had a horrible idea. It's famously one of their worst ideas ever. I think it was called the Tough Enough Tournament. And Vince's big idea, because UFC was just gaining popularity, was to have, he took like 16 of his least favorite pro wrestlers that were like on the cutting you know on like the about easily quickly could be fired um and he decided to make this tournament called the tough enough

tournament and what he didn't realize is that some people were just better fighters than others and the guy that ended up winning it all he didn't expect to win it so then he put him up against butterbean at wrestlemania and butterbean absolutely demolishes him oh yeah here it is it's really sad so famously they hype this guy up it's quick oh the right hand is wide open there it is hello see how low his left hand is so crazy yeah that's so crazy. Yeah. That's so crazy. You can't do that.

And he's going to get up because he's tough. Yep. It ruined this guy's career because now he's been beaten by a boxer in a pro wrestling ring, so it was over. Well, not only that, he got beaten, like, legitimately. Yeah, get that last one. I don't think he got up from that. Oh, I guess he did. Yeah. Yeah.

Immediately. Yeah, they dust him off. Look, he still has his left hand low. Oh, I guess he did. Yeah. Yeah. Immediately. Yeah, they dust him off. Look, he still has his left hand low. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. That is so bad. That's so bad. That's such a bad KO.

Go back to that again. So, look, that guy, that fight's over. Look. Oh, my God. That's horrendous. That's horrendous. Yeah. That's bad god I have this

false memory of Butterbean fighting Johnny Knoxville in a ring yeah I typed in a few things I was looking for any other celebrity

or something that did maybe but maybe it's it's not Steve-O KO by Butterbean either way Butterbean was a a fucking tank of a human he was a weird guy because he was like the king of the three rounders or is it five rounders what would

they make him fight but it didn't really have the endurance to go 12 so he would go short distances but he was so big butterbean versus conor mcgregor who wins butterbean three rounds butterbean conor gets to go crazy butterbean king of the four roundor. Who wins? Butterbean. Three rounds? Butterbean. Conor gets to go crazy. Butterbean. King of the four-rounders, they call him. Yeah, Butterbean. Dude, he hits them once. It's a weird number to land on, right?

That means he's really tired by round five. He's so big, you're not going to KO him. He doesn't have a neck. His head starts at the top. His neck starts here. It goes straight out. A lot of getting KO'd is you get twisted. Right.

Your head washes around. Your brain washes around inside your head. Dude, I had a crazy dream. And now I'm remembering it. That a friend of mine was telling me that he's got an opening between his skull and his brain. He has to close. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he like lifted his skull up.

And I was like looking into his brain. And there was all this space it was like his brain and then all this this space and then the skull on the outside and i was like whoa you got to get that fixed oh what a crazy dream that is freaky i had one the other day so it reminds me of that where uh one of my one of the guys that works at the comedy store was coughing hysterically and he was coughing and blood started shooting out of his neck and then out of his ear. And like each cough, just dot, dot,

dot. You know what that is? What? That's the comedy store dying in your head, realizing that it can only sustain itself for so long. The way things are going. Yeah. I mean,

I don't know. We'll see. Yeah. Crazy times, man. I think everybody has to move to Texas. it's the only way to keep comedy alive they're gonna keep la on lockdown for a long time man definitely seems that way some news hit that today just a little bit ago while we've been on uh joe biden's found the cure for not like

that but uh billboard posted something that um just for ticket master for tickets about getting tested and having it linked to an app. Yeah. John Joseph sent me this. Yeah. Yeah. That also, uh, uh, vaccines.

Yeah. They're going to have it connected to vaccines. Ticketmaster. I saw Ticketmaster. To get into a Live Nation venue or something. Yeah. So if you're going to come to a show, listen,

this is very controversial, right? If I'm all for testing. If you can test the day of and then get in. Like there's rapid tests. Like we did a rapid test today. You do a 15-minute test. The problem with the vaccine is right now,

like the Pfizer vaccine, if you read into it, 90% are effective. It's really good. But the people that do it, they get horrific headaches and real bad hangovers and what they're experiencing sounds a lot worse than what jamie experienced having actual covid tell me what it was like having actual code i i like i've said it a few times i thought i was getting a sinus infection that's what it felt like was like coming as i've

had one before it's like okay i know it's about to happen i'm about to maybe have two or three days of nose pain whatever head pain it never actually came this so that's why i was like maybe it's still coming or it's like just never got that how many days was it like that one really i was and i never even felt like worse than maybe 60 70 percent of normal life i was like i just kind of i'm starting to feel funky whatever maybe tomorrow will be worse and it was like not worse it was not really much better but it wasn't a whole it wasn't worse and then even as days went by though a little better and that's when when i came in i was like i think i'm fine i don't felt bad a couple days ago but not now yeah you didn't think you had it you thought

you had hay fever or something right yeah that's what i thought because i was looking online ragweed is what was real bad here they said even like don't go outside if you have ragweed allergies it's like it's very very bad to stay inside today yeah people get weird allergies they're weird allergies out here there's a cedar allergy around here but it's not really cedar um i forget what the actual no it's a kind of plant it's a tree it's a type of tree it's not really cedar it's like juniper or some shit they call it cedar fever but what is it actually i'm looking i think it's juniper there's something that uh that gets you for whatever, they call it cedar allergies, but it's not really cedar.

But apparently, for a lot of folks out here, they don't get it the first year. They don't get it the second year. They get it like the third year. Yikes. I was like, what? You can get a partial. Yeah, it says that symptoms for the cedar fever include fatigue,

headache, facial discomfort, a sore throat, partial loss of smell, and a feeling of having plugged ears ears and what is the actual plant that gives you that shit uh mountain cedars is what this says cedar fever is an allergic reaction to pollen from mountain cedars according to texas at med clinic oh hmm so it could be a different why don't you google also cedar fever is actually from blank because someone was telling me that it's a different point i was like why do they call it cedar fever then he's like oh but anyway ah there you go blame it blame it on this is a joke but it's just blame it on the patriarchy the patriarchy yeah i mean that's how you say patriarchy? It's only male plants. Jamie's so addicted to bullshit, he doesn't even say patriarchy.

No, that's what the thing says. Look, it says pa-tree-archy. That's like, they're trying to make it funny. Oh, tree. Pa-tree-archy. Yeah. What is the actual plant, though? Are they saying cedars as well?

Maybe the guy who told me it was different is full of shit. Maybe he's one of those guys who likes to know things, but he doesn't believe in Google. Snopes only. That's weird, man. Those fucking bullshit artists used to be a thing. Guys would just tell you stuff, and you're like, really? Yeah, man.

When JFK was killed, they immediately went underground. What do you think would have happened if the JFK... I don't know. This is a weird question. You can't say today or if the internet existed then, but what do you think

would have been different about that if that had happened during an information age like this? Or would it not have happened? The murder? Yeah. See Jeffrey Epstein. Here's the thing... That's astein here's here's the thing great

point here's the thing about murders today it is uh equally horrific as murders in 1963 but there's also more information coming at you it never ends it never ends it's like voting controversy antifa takes over seattle fucking you just constantly get inundated with information to the point we forget about what you were mad at two days ago yep that's it's part of the problem with today it's you get an information overload like i was telling you i don't remember having this conversation with someone on a podcast that i just saw a clip of i'm like oh yeah i fucking completely forgot about that guy that is like like if i had a really interesting conversation with if it was rare for me to have an interesting conversation with people if i worked in a factory and very rarely i get to sit down and have a cup

of coffee with some scientist who tells me some really cool shit i would be telling everybody about that story i'd be like dude i had this conversation three hours just me and the scientist and he was telling me all kinds of crazy shit i would i would have remember all of it but i'd see too many i have too many too many of those stories and they just get lost in my head i think that's how we are with everything today that's why no one gives a fuck who killed jeffrey epstein this if you like had a national like if there was a clock or a chart rather that showed national interest in the jeffrey epstein murder it was like 20 and now it's like zero zero zero point one yeah nobody gives a fuck no one's google jeffrey epstein murder on twitter you know like three crazy people that also are into QAnon

and they're bringing up the Epstein thing. Someone found the records. Remember, the records from the flight logs are out. Everyone's fucked. They're all going to jail. Came and went. Nobody cares. Bill Gates went.

Did you hear Bill Gates went? Came and went. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Right? Google Trend News. Popular in the summer when that stuff came out and went. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Right? Google Trend. Popular in the summer when that stuff came out and now back down to nothing. Down to nothing.

Wow. That's how we are. That's, I mean, they probably anticipated that when they killed him. Yep. You know? There's so much news. Yep. Yeah, they probably just figured we can get away with this.

And they kind of can. And if things get more and more chaotic, which they appear to be doing, it's going to get worse with that. It's going to get even more strange. It's going to get weirder and weirder and weirder, Tony. Where do you think it all goes? Where does this crazy never-ending news cycle... Mexico starts being more safe than the United States.

People start moving to Mexico. The United States gets more and more crazy. Or you go to Canada, but Canada doesn't let us in. It's too cold there. Well, it's not even that. They don't want us. Great. I'm glad they don't want us.

We become Mexico. Canada becomes the United States. It's not too cold there. It is. You and I have been there. I know, but we go. Yeah, we go straight into a car and straight to a hotel and straight to the venue and straight to a restaurant and then back home remember we talked about this on the show uh when that story leaked about the

there's like a hot mic abc news producer got um the epstein thing yeah nbc wasn't this was abc a different one she's suing abc for 10 million dollars the same was i wrong is it nbc or abc let me see the lady oh x abc news staffer sues disney owned network over leaked jeffrey epstein tape ashley oh it is abc seeking 10 million yeah okay i was wrong then according to then. According to the New York... I thought it was NBC. This was the tape. They were like, I can't believe they wouldn't put it out. Is that her? I don't know. Oh, it's a different one.

This is not the reporter. This is the girl who found the tape. Right. The reporter was the girl who was on... I broke that story. I knew that story but then they buried it. The girl got fired for leaking it or something like that, I think. Oh, that girl got fired for leaking it or something like that, I think. Oh, that girl got fired for leaking the tape. Oh, good for her.

Good for her. I hope someone hires her. Remember, I think she's doing what they were supposed to do, like labeling things with certain whatever, and then they're like, how did this leak? She said she didn't do it.

So she did. Good. She should. That's a crazy thing to hide. Here's the tape that you probably, the video you're remembering.'t do it. So she did. Good. She should. That's a crazy thing to hide. Here's the tape that you probably, the video you're remembering. That's it. That's her. Yep.

Yeah. Good. Whatever happened to that lady? The lady who leaked it? See, the real worry is that they would blackball someone like that. Keep them from working again. Someone needs to come up with a legit network online like a legit news network of like really trusted news people and just give them total autonomy never restrict

them and then give them a security detail everywhere they go. It's expensive. Fuck yeah, it is. But if you think about how much money they make at Fox News. If they want to go seek a story, you've got to fly to somewhere, stay in a hotel for weeks, weeks, weeks, pay money to get information. Yeah. Oh, no doubt. It's not cheap.

Look at what's happening right now with Fox News. People are abandoning fox news because they think that fox news is turning on conservatives because they're uh there was uh people in the trump campaign that were talking about the um the election results election results being uh fraudulent and all these different things and so so Fox News said these are unfounded accusations, so they cut away from this guy explaining this, and the conservatives are freaking out. Right.

Because what Fox News is trying to say is like, hey, you guys, this is not true, according to them, or it's at least not accurate. Like the amount of voter fraud is not accurate, or maybe it's not enough to sway the election one way or another. It hasn't been proven. So when someone says it, they, for whatever reason, decide that they're going to stop that person saying it

from broadcasting it on the air. It's an interesting choice. Because on one hand, I see their point. If it's not true, you really shouldn't put it on the air. But on the other hand, it's like the president's people are saying this, so it makes it news. Even if it's not accurate, I think you're supposed to let it air and then say, this is what's wrong with what he said in terms of as far as what we know right now. But's a tough call like if you're the head of fox and someone starts coming out on the air and saying some shit that you think is fake what do

you do what do you do especially if he's not really the president anymore right if like there if it seems like it's going to be joe biden in office you got to make a, you got to hedge your bets. Because if you get into a situation where, imagine if, and this is not outside of what's possible, imagine if, whether it's Biden or the next administration, whoever the fuck it is, gets into power and they say, we're going to make laws that punish people for spreading false propaganda, for punish people who spread fake news. We're going to make laws against it, and we're going to decide what's fake and what's real.

And so then Fox News gets fined $100 million, $500 million. They go blank. They go dark for a week. They have to stay off the air for a week. Some crazy shit. Yeah. If they decide that they're enemies of the current administration, and the current administration gets the support of the people,

because the support of the people, like if most of the people are into the president, and they can, like what if they have control of the House? Or control the, you know. They could do it. Technically they could do it. You never know. Not now.

Right now I don't think they can do it. But it's not impossible. If you think of the people that have been silenced from twitter right the people have been kicked off of twitter people that have been kicked off of facebook new york post new york post got kicked off of twitter for that hunter biden story that that would have never you've never would have imagined that being possible just a few years ago. Right. But it's possible now. So now we have a new sense of what's possible. If you keep taking that further and further, you could see how Fox News would be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, kill that.

Right. We got a business here. Rupert Murdoch, he's alive, right? Uh-uh. Rupert Murdoch's not alive anymore? No, the son's got it now. Right? Or no? He doesn't control it,doch's not alive anymore no the son's got it now right or no the he doesn't control it i don't but he's still alive yeah the uh the other guy died the owner doesn't rupert have a super hot wife i think he's got a super hot wife that would make sense yeah i heard she's

a real fox you know what i'm saying come on but i'm boom come on there's something about those like Purely transactional relationships Oh yeah What's the new one Mick Jagger's ex What Come on son For real let me see a picture of her and him together Give me that one right there

Whoa Oh yeah She's just waiting Well maybe he's nice to her Give me that one right there. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Damn. She's just waiting. She's waiting. Well, maybe he's nice to her. Wow, she was hot as fuck back when she was with Mick. Jesus Christ.

Let me see that upper left picture that you just clicked on. Upper left. No, upper left. Yeah. Look at that again. She's checking his pulse every day. Just holding on to that wrist maybe she loves him, Tony

look at that hot body he's got he does have a hot body if you're really into like anatomy, you want to know where the skeletons are that's what I like in a man I want to know where all his joints are I don't want anything to be cloaked by meat there's his heart

very clearly I can see it beating through his weird translucent rib cage. Frightening. Dump, dump, dump, dump. Dump, dump, dump. How old do you think you're going to live to be? I don't really think about it, honestly. If nothing happened, if you were to go natural causes,

because you're a very, very very healthy guy what would you guess if you were to go with from old age as healthy as you are the life stay wealthy yeah i'm gonna live a long time yeah unless i do something really stupid yeah you're gonna stay wealthy it's gonna be interesting you'd have to really go you'd have to do some pretty crazy stuff i mean islands and islands right yeah i'm not into buying things like that right i think um i think it's possible today to live to be 120. yeah i think with the right and i think what we're dealing with now we're on the cusp of what's possible i want to i don't want to say any names but i was having a conversation the other day with a billionaire a very wealthy man who believes he's going to live to be 200 years old wow I don't want to say any names, but I was having a conversation the other day with a billionaire,

a very wealthy man who believes he's going to live to be 200 years old. Wow. Yeah. He was explaining to me all the different things that he does and where he thinks medicine and science is going to go. Any simple advice? Is there a secret out there? Celery juice or something? Don't do all the things you did in this podcast.

Don't drink whiskey and smoke cigars. I think for sure exercise. It seems to be the number one thing. You have to keep your body moving. You have to keep your blood flowing. And you have to keep your body strong. Keep your body vital.

There's a difference between working out and overtraining. O training over training seems bad for you i have a friend he's 28 who caught the covid and he's in really good shape but he caught it when he was working out really hard he was doing a fitness instructional and he was like training way way way too hard like really beating his body down. And then he caught it, and he caught it pretty bad. And he had it bad for a couple weeks. He's young and healthy. So the thing about training, and this is the thing about guys training for fights, they get sick a lot.

It's because you're breaking your body down. You're getting to this, like there's a fine line between training hard and overtraining it's a really fine line and it's uh it's hard for people to find the exact spot to land in you know a lot of fighters overtrain tim kennedy the guy we talked about earlier he famously overtrained for his last fight with kelvinelum because he had a fight canceled. He went through a full six-week training camp and then the fight canceled. And then he got another fight come up in another six weeks or five weeks, I think. And he went straight – I'm not sure about the time, but he went straight into another full camp.

And then by the end of that camp, he was so tired. He just never gave himself – your body can't sustain like peak performance levels for very long. You can sustain a good level for a long time, but you've got to know when to peak and when to back off. Really good fight trainers, they know when a fighter is too sharp. They're like, you're peaking. We're going to pull you back. So they'll pull him back and they'll say, take a few days off.

They'll tell you, go watch TV. Go lounge in the pool a little bit just relax go for a hike just chill the fuck out let your body recover let your body recover let all that broken down tissue rebuild itself let your body um just rebound and then come back at it again but do it slowly so the smart ones they're monitoring heart rate heart rate variability this thing that i wear the whoop strap that's that's all about it's all about monitoring what how well your body's recovered like every morning when i check my app i check my whoop app and it tells me how well i've recovered from the night before um whether or not i'm in like whether or not i'm good to go for today or whether or not i should take an easy day like the it'll show you based on your heart rate variability

But a lot of guys don't do it that way. They just don't want to be a pussy you know, they just want to keep pushing and keep pushing and You can break your body down doing that and that's when guys get sick And if you get sick when your body's already tired and compromised and then a virus gets in there and weakens you even further You can get really sick i had pneumonia once uh for a tournament that i went to it was when i was uh training really i was training like a moron i never wore a heart rate monitor i wasn't even taking vitamins back then i was just eating whatever and training like a terrorist and then uh i i came out here

oh i came out to california i fought in this tournament in Anaheim. I was 19 so it was like 1986. I fought in the Nationals in Anaheim and I had pneumonia. I fought three times with pneumonia. It was horrible. Then the next day, I was so fucking beaten down.

I was so tired. I can't believe it. I was like, how did I fight yesterday? Like, what the fuck? But that's also what happens when you're you you take yourself past fitness, and you don't want to be a pussy. So you keep pushing, keep pushing, but it's really dumb. Like a smart athlete knows when to back off like an experienced athlete knows their body really well. And they know when to back off. But the right way to do it is with heart rate monitors. The right way to do it is like, like an experienced athlete knows their body really well and they know when to back off but the right way to do it is with heart rate monitors the right way to do it is like steve um maxwell

told me that a long time ago you should check your heart rate in the morning and if it's more than x amount of beats per minute over your standard resting heart rate it means your body hasn't recovered yet so you should not work out that day and it's hard for people to do that or if you do work out you should work out really light like maybe do some positional drills that doesn't tax your body like do some things where you like framing and just go through everything in slow motion where you never really break yourself down but it's it's also sometimes people want to do too much too soon like my friend cam haynes yeah cam haynes when he's training for ultra marathons will run a marathon every day that's not fake like i've seen him do it i know he does it he shows me his

fucking his uh his his under armor uh app that he uses or tracks his his uh his distance every day it's bananas but he's done it because he's he's done that slowly but surely he's built up this base over decades of of training hard you couldn't just go out and do that and if you ask like there used to be conventional science or conventional wisdom rather would be that uh if you run a marathon you need to take six months off he's running marathons every day because there's levels like you can build up so the athletes that stay in shape have a much better chance at getting through a training camp and not being over trained but the athletes that take a lot of time off and party those are the ones that wind up a

foul i think i'm going to pee my pants oh go, go pee. Okay. Jamie's gone too. You're going to pee with Jamie. This is the first time ever that I've been left alone on a podcast, ladies and gentlemen. And I already talked too much. So now what to do? I think that all of us are real nervous right now. I think this is an unprecedented time in history where everyone is wondering what's going to happen next everyone is wondering and it's so easy to say that we need

to be more empathetic and we need to be more nice to each other but i really do think that that is something that we need to concentrate on this idea that like people are making lists that we need to concentrate on. This idea that people are making lists of people that voted for Trump and supported Trump and that they're going to put them on these lists and they're going to send these lists out to potential employers.

You've got to give people the opportunity to make mistakes and you've got to give people the opportunity to grow and you've got to give people the opportunity to grow and you got to give people the opportunity to have a different opinion than yours and just to say that if you support that guy you support this or that or whatever horrible thing it is whether you think it's racism or fascism or whatever ism it is i really think now more than ever is a time to come together as a country and to realize this is not healthy for anybody to divide ourselves into these two groups. And the more we push against, especially the people that won, the people in the Biden camp are now like, now we're going to make, even AOC wrote that, we're going to make a list of all the sycophants and supporters of Trump.

Like, I don't think that's the right way to do it I think historically black lists and lists of people that are forbidden from working or forbidden from being considered a part of accepted culture it's very dangerous people are malleable and people, they make mistakes. They fall into groups of people that have different opinions. And we just got to be, legitimately got to be nicer to each other.

That's what I think. And it sounds so cliche that we have to be nicer to each other. But that's what this country fucking needs. We need to realize like, yeah, yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, we're in a need to realize like yeah yeah it's fucked up yeah we're in a fucked up place yeah it's fucked up that people are riding in the streets and it's fucked up that there's police brutality and it's fucked up that there's covid and it's fucked up

that people are losing their jobs but the only thing we have together if we're we really truly are a community is to treat each other like we're a community. You know, you could be, like if, I imagine a world where there's a Republican and a Democrat living right next door to each other and they joke around and they laugh about stuff and they talk to each other and they have different opinions.

What? Snopes? No, I just need like a five minute, I need to, I can't just still sit here for a little bit. I need to go to the bathroom. Oh, okay. I can let it run.

I thought you went. I did. You came back when you saw? Oh, go back. And I'm like, I gotta. You don't have to tell us. All right, I just didn't know if you wanted to stop. Or go or what.

I'll be back in like five minutes. What's happening? Jamie just, he cut his pee short and now his balls are aching. No, it wasn't pee. He's got to shit? Yeah. He's got to shit himself. Wow himself wow yeah I really had to pee and then I I had reached maximum pee and then once I saw Jamie go I'm like Jamie's peeing and then I really started thinking about peeing and I simply

couldn't take it anymore I understand people really you know they I bet a lot of people towards the middle end of your podcast you don't realize it because your body's superhuman or whatever. But they have to pee a lot because people get extra hydrated to do your show. Then they drink coffee. And whiskey. It makes you pee. Yeah, I don't know why I don't have to pee. I don't have to pee at all.

It's weird. Sometimes I do, though. I've had podcasts where, particularly after yoga, because after yoga I drink a fuck load of water because i do that hot yoga and i'll drink i'll bring a 64 ounce um hydro flask with me filled with ice and water i'll drink that whole thing during a yoga class then afterwards it's we just pbpbp yeah can't stop it yeah it happens man the are you worried about the future tony yeah sure i mean no more than i was two years ago really yeah it's no different it's just a different focus on it you know it's

different how so i'm just uh i'm just concerned about you know here let me do this let's go back to what you were just talking about about being nicer to one another in a unified front. I had this thought the other day, which was, I was thinking about America after 9-11, when we had a terrorist attack, and we had what appeared to be a clear enemy, and it brought us all together. That's probably the closest we've all been together, right, as a country.

Sure. And then... how old were you um oh boy i was in high school i was a sophomore in high school so i don't know 16 15 how old are you now 36 yeah that makes sense because uh i was uh i think i was 30. And I think I remember hearing about it going, holy shit. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I was 31. I couldn't believe it. And then I remember thinking, wow, everyone's so unified. All these people with American flags on their cars.

Do you remember that? Yeah. Super, super unified. Do you remember Jay London? Yeah. Jay London used to sell those american flags you stick in your car wow really yeah yeah jay and i uh is that pre last comic standing or yeah yeah yeah because last comic standing was later in the 2000s right wasn't it i think so 2003 or

four he was on last comic standing yeah he had a moment in the sun yeah there for a while yeah but before that he was essentially uh it was just like a street vendor he was selling these american flags little ones that attach to your window wow you roll up the window and the flag's blowing so one of my conspiracy theories going back on that to that 9-11 thing is that one of the reasons why this country is sort of turning in on one another is because right now we don't have for the first time in forever because we're pulling out troops of everywhere we don't have an enemy you know we don't have an actual targeted let's unify to beat this opponent type of situation instead troops are coming home for the first time in forever from afghanistan and this and that and we we realized

that we were we were we were fooled into getting into iraq and all of this other stuff it's all becoming so clear and since we don't have an enemy we're starting to there's a little bit of that for sure yeah and then there's also covid and the lockdown which exacerbated everything because so many people are stressed out and out of work there's some crazy number like 30 of the people in this country can't pay rent right yeah that's never happened before it's in our lifetime it's insane and how does that bounce back that That's my point about Melrose. Like in a big city, who's going to invest in going back into those places? When you see these closed down places, to bring them back up,

to imagine a time where you're going to drive down Melrose and all those stores are filled again and there's all hustle and bustle and traffic and people walking on the streets and not dangerous fucking gangsters everywhere like it seems weird now right yeah yeah and sometimes it picks up you know a nice warm saturday afternoon it's it looks sort of the same out there sort of yeah 30 i know it's weird i'm trying to rationalize it in my head but it's not the same it's not no i remember we did uh this thing for the comedy store where uh it was uh whitney cummings and bill burr and paul rodriguez and um annie letterman and jay leno and and me and we're on a roof with mike binder and uh we were it was the first time i've been in been in Hollywood in a long time and the first

time I've been at the store in a long time and it was really emotional and it was sad and I was sitting there hanging out and you realize there's no one on sunset no one and every now and then like Lamborghinis would go racing down sunset like flying like you would hear bar like going 90 miles an hour plus down sunset no cops i was like this is crazy like this is so strange it's very surreal one of the last times i was at uh the comedy store i got pulled over because my muffler was too loud the cop pulled you over pull me over so what's that like that just seems like a scene out of a comedy movie cop walks up to you and then what does he ask for the id no no he goes um i was pulling you over because your muffler is too loud

i go it's it's a factory muffler right like it's i have an m3 from 2005 it's a d muffler. Right. I have an M3 from 2005. It's a Dynan, and it comes with a Dynan muffler. You know what an E46 is? E46 M3? Not really. There's a sweet spot. Do you know anything about BMWs? You used to have an M.

Would you have a 5, 5 Series? Yeah. Beautiful car. Yeah. Great car. That year that you had was 2000? 2002, 2004, something like that. Same year as the E46.

A lot of people think it's the Goldilocks zone of BMWs because it's before BMW became this really cushy luxury car and was more of a driver-focused car. And the year that i have is uh 2005 i actually got it from a guy who contacted jamie who we were talking about e46s and he's like i got one that only has 15 000 original miles it's a silver e43 it's beautiful it's like a classic looking car um but it has a it's not that loud so this cop was just looking for shit to fuck with people by and if I was just some asshole or

maybe a young black guy I might be getting a ticket I might be in trouble like he just decided to pull me over for nothing I wasn't speeding at all I just took a right out of the comedy store parking lot and all of a sudden the lights were on, like immediately. I pulled over, and he pulls over, and I go, what did I do?

And he goes, seems like you got an aftermarket muffler in your car. I go, hey, man. I go, how you doing? And he goes, hey, what's up? And I go, I don't have an aftermarket muffler. I go, it's a Dynon. This is the way it comes from the factory. And he goes, well, it seemed pretty loud. He goes goes will you rev it for me i go okay so i give it a little

boom boom and he's like yeah that might be too loud you might want to get that checked i go okay what do i do now and he's like nothing you're all right i go okay he goes i'm not really trying to pull people over for this you know we're looking for bad guys and drunk drivers. I go, I understand. It's okay. And I'm like, all right. That was a fame privilege moment and a white privilege moment. I was driving away from that knowing if I was just a 25-year-old kid, white, black, whatever, I was probably getting a ticket for a loud muffler.

It wasn't even loud. It was just a cop looking to fill he had like you probably have like this is controversial because some cops say it's not true and i've talked to cops to say it is true like they have a number of tickets that they have to write in a week or a month or whatever and they get in trouble if they don't write enough shit and so this guy was like well that doesn't seem that soft let me pull this dude over just no reason yeah just that was it there was no i mean i was he was going left i was going right he did a u-turn pulled me over it was instantaneous yeah i got off on a warning recently. The guy just lied to me. He's like, I got you doing, what was it, 45 in a 35? Or no, no.

We should point out that you drive a Corvette. Yeah. You probably were doing 45. Yeah. But I realized he didn't say 45. I knew I was doing 45 in a 35. He said I was doing like 49 or something like that. But I knew I wasn't.

Because literally this model Corvette has like three but i knew i wasn't because i've literally this model corvette has like three speedometers that you can't miss there's a digital giant digital one there's one there and then there's one on the other side that shows you another speed um what you have more than one speed almost positive i think you have a tack you fucking luddite you didn't even know what you have oh my god what are you talking who? Who cares? I got the engine. No, it's a tachometer. It shows you how many revolutions per minute your engine's going, you fucking dummy. I know what an RPM is.

I don't call it a tach. I'm not some cool car guy. What are you talking about? It's standard. This is what you have. You have a speedometer and a tachometer. They're right next to each other on every single car that's a performance car. You know what there is? there's a regular speedometer i'm almost positive that there's a regular one and a digital one and then the digital one tells you right in the middle with

big numbers right and then over the digital one on top of the rpms there's also one that digitally shows you two digital ones you don't know what the fuck yeah there it is wait oh yeah there's two first of all that one you're looking at is a fucking tack on the left yeah yeah no on the left is a speedometer that one in the middle is a tack that's a tachometer yeah and in the tach, then it has miles per hour in the center of the tack. Right. So the tack will show you when you hit red line if you're using your paddle shifters. So most of the time, a Luddite like you, I'm sure you put it in drive like a fucking dork.

You don't even use those paddles, do you? Who needs them? Oh, how dare you? You know what it's like if you press the pedal all the way down in drive? It goes fast. Yeah. Yeah. That's all you care about, right?

Yeah. It's the best feeling in the world. You don't need a clutch. I don't need anything. I don't need any of it. You don't need to shift. Have you shifted for yourself ever? Yeah.

As a grown man? Yeah, it's a lot of fun. When's the last time you did it? In that car? I don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean a real shift. Left foot, clutch. Yeah, I used to have one. Right hand. Yeah, I used to have one. What'd you have? in that car i don't know no no no no no no i mean a real shift left foot clutch yeah i used

to have right hand yeah i used to have one what'd you have well i used to own a hyundai elantra oh yeah sporty powerful that got me prepared for my corvette um but no when i rent cars and stuff sometimes on the road i'll i'll get one Yeah. They don't rent you a stick shift. Sure they do. Who's renting you a stick shift? There's a lot of janky cities out there, Joe. Really? Yeah.

What do you rent? What's the last time you rented a stick shift? I can't. I don't. I mean, it's all a blur. Just keep making shit up. Go ahead. What do you mean?

You don't think rental cars have stick shifts? They do, but you have to really ask for it. Most of the time they drive automatics. there's stickers that people put on cars that say uh anti-theft deterrent and it just shows a manual transmission because most people just don't know how to drive a manual i liked it i mean i and if and if the car was um manual I would have done that. It's fun. It's fun to have stuff to do. I like it. That's really what it is.

It's fun to have stuff to do. They're on their way out. Manuals? Yeah, unfortunately. You know, they used to have manuals on motorcycles where it was an actual stick shift. The really old ones. Wow. Yeah.

Josh Serlin, he's the owner of Black black bear brand they're a real cool clothing company they built me this really dope leather jacket man it's really cool um he makes like really interesting handmade stuff like clothing and and shit and he's into like craftsmanship and old stuff and he has a motorcycle i think it's like if you go to his instagram black bear brand he drives this really old motorcycle there's brad pitt doing it it's i think they call it a suicide shifter because you have to reach down and imagine brad pitt beautiful as he is no helmet just driving around see it in the upper right hand corner that picture that's what it's like so you shift like uh a clutch like you press and shift it by hand just go to black bear brand on instagram because he does it um he's got videos of him driving through tunnels it looks so badass and he said like i talked to him about it and he

was like it's the most alive i ever feel goes, the tank only lasts for like 20 miles. Like it's this little ass tank and this engine just eats gas. It's so inefficient because it's a really old bike. But he's just and shifting with one arm on the handlebar and shifting like this. But there's something about, there he is. Look at this. That's Josh. So he's driving this thing. And then when he shifts, see that thing over by his dick?

That's his shifter. Look at that. See, he has to reach down to shift gears. Weird, right? Yeah. How could they make a motorcycle more dangerous? First time I ever saw that was a drug dealer in Phoenix. I met this drug dealer when we were at the Improv in Tempe.

Tempe Improv. Yeah. That sounds about right. Yeah. And he's like, hey, man, you come hang out with us? I was like, hmm, I don't know. Cut to you holding on to him on the back of his motorcycle. With my hands right his way.

Crazy shifter you got there. No, I didn't. I avoided him. Yeah. Because he just seemed like trouble. He was a little too enthusiastic about hanging out. He was a little cocaine enthusiastic. Yeah, little coke cocaine enthusiastic yeah that tempe improv is uh wow yeah well tempe is college town yeah and it's surrounded by like that scottsdale area which is notoriously um it's a upper town

like that's the place where i think tyson got arrested there for coke it's a upper town. Like that's the place where I think Tyson got arrested there for Coke. It's a lot of Coke. Like I didn't, you know, I'm ignorant to Coke. I've never done it. Me too. Never,

not once. But I was with Red Band who's done it a lot. And Red Band and I were in a club and he goes, you know, everyone's on Coke. I go, what? He goes,

look around. Everyone's talking real loud to each other and they're all touching their nose. And it was almost like I couldn't unsee it anymore. I was like, oh, my God. He's like, dude, everyone's on Coke here. I go, whoa, really? He goes, yeah, they're all on Coke.

Makes sense, though. That's Scottsdale area, a lot of rich folk. A lot of people like to party. Yeah. I like hanging out with those people because I don't get tired until 4, 5, 6 a.m. normally in old normal life. So sometimes I just, I'm completely oblivious to it and I don't realize that they're doing that and they don't want me to know that they're doing it. So they keep it secret from me and everybody wins. We're all having fun. Have you ever had a desire to try it? To see what the fuss is all

about? No, there's nothing really with anything that's an upper that excites me one time i took a half of one of the pain pills that uh my dentist gave me when i had a wisdom tooth removed and i immediately uh half and he told me to take two or something crazy he's like take two of these if you feel any pain i took a half of one And I could see how people would love to do heroin and all of it. I could immediately, the warm, sweaty feeling of pure happiness went over me. And I was smiling ear to ear, just so happy. And so that's a scary one. And that was done.

I remember one time uh got a hold of the old school nyquil this is like in the 90s i was sick i got a hold of old school nyquil and i took it and i was lying in bed and it was just like it was like melting into my pillow like yeah it felt so good yeah Yeah. It felt so good. Just drift away. Just be comforted. It felt like you were in the womb. Yeah.

Like, everything's going to be okay, Tony. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to get a big, warm hug by the world. That's it. That's exactly how I felt that day. The argument for people that don't have anything going on in their life, like, why should I not do that right you know right luckily I had already started the adventure doing stand-up and all that and had a reputation or whatever because I could totally 100% see myself doing it made me

feel so good yeah well I think a lot of people if you don't have a good enough like a discipline a thing you're into that requires work that you really get joy out of if you don't have that and then you find the the drug early before you've had the good feeling of accomplishment right that drug feeling could take you over and then it's really hard to like sacrifice it's really hard to to embrace discomfort when you're really into that codeine feeling yeah just drift away all your worries go away tony yeah that's the big problem with people with opioid addictions you know if you don't have something better than that a lot of people are like why should i abandon it right you know and it's a

it's a tough argument because what's your argument for that what do you say hey you should suffer in a factory you should you should work your way up to a mediocre existence of debt and struggle and hate your job every day and stay clean. Yeah, that's rough. What do you do? What do you tell them? That's the number one problem I think people have when they don't have a lot going for them and they also get into drugs. How do you fix that? What do you think about mushrooms being legal now in Oregon?

Dude, steroids are illegal in Oregon. Whoa. Or legal, rather. Everything's legal. Well, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to Oregon, get fucking buff. Just get jacked. Trip my balls off.

Become like Dorian Yates, do acid. Who's Dorian Yates? How dare you? Oh, no. How dare you? Dorian Yates is one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time. You know who Lee Haney is? No.

Son of a bitch. How about Ronnie Coleman? Does he use a tach speed no i know ron coleman columbus ohio the ohio state university okay clearly yeah uh ronnie coleman ohio ronnie coleman was uh you're thinking of mark coleman i am thinking of mark son of a bitch that's a white guy right ronnie coleman's like one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time. He was so big, he doesn't even seem real. Look at Ronnie Coleman. Jesus, son.

Get out of here. Yeah. He did the podcast recently. Look how big he was, dude. He was so big. Now, that guy I could picture throwing an ice pick in one of his biceps, right? Oh, yeah. He wouldn't even notice it.

Yeah. one of his biceps. Oh yeah, he wouldn't even notice it. He's had every single disc in his back fused, except like one or two, I think. He's had a bunch of back surgeries. His back is all fucked up from just lifting in immense amounts of weight and pushing himself.

To be that big and that strong, you have to have a crazy work ethic. Look at his back. Go to that upper right-hand corner picture. Look at that. What the fuck? That's alien. That's so crazy. Look at his butt cheeks. Jesus.

Goodness. Yeah, so that's what you could look like if you moved to Oregon. Start lifting. There's Dorian. Look at Dorian. Dorian's also been on the podcast. He's a normal-sized guy now. But back then, when he was the champ,

go to that one in the middle right there. Bam. Look at that. Fucking come on, son. Look at the size of him. That's what I look like after lifting 25-pound kettlebells a few times. In my head. Look at the size of him. He was for his day. I've been hosting 25-pound kettlebells a few times in my head.

Look at the size of him. He was, for his day, extraordinarily massive. He sort of was one of the group of the next level of bodybuilders that took mass to a new level. When he talked about it on the podcast he said he basically lived like a monk like all he did is eat and train like he was just obsessed with being the best is it just a life of pain tearing your muscles so that they build grow back bigger again and again and again that's a lot of it but it was just the results he was addicted to standing on that stage going bam and everybody, holy shit!

He wanted to just unveil. People have a narrow-minded perspective of what art is. And I think bodybuilding is an art. But I think it's an art that only people who participate in it truly appreciate. I think there's a lot of arts like that. I think pool's an art like that like when i watch a guy like like i was saying efren reyes when i watch him play like you watch that guy play like wow like the way he gets out it's like it's beautiful but only people

really understand pool know how difficult the shots are or how he changed the angle with english and and i think bodybuilding when you see a guy like dorian yates or like lee haney or like ronnie coleman when they get to that peak form when they're on that stage like only a person who really knows how difficult it is to be that massive and that shredded and to be standing there with veins on your feet all the way up to your calves and your thighs and your fucking, all the way up to your neck and your head. Like, that's massive, crazy dedication. It's steroids and dehydration and there's so much involved in reaching that peak form when you get on stage. Like, they're really unhealthy when they get on stage.

Like, that moment when they're shredded, they're super dehydrated. Yeah, they cut all the water. Yeah. Yikes. It's a big yikesikes it's a crazy way to live yeah but for them because they understand the dedication involved like people that are really into that man it's like a tight knit community of people that are really into like looking shredded and vascular and what it means to be that guy, you know? Yeah. To be Mr. Olympia. As you could tell by my body, not really my thing.

Well, but your thing is killing, killing on stage. Like I was talking to, well, I've talked to a bunch of comics about this, but I think recently I was talking to Segura about it. We're like, can you imagine living your whole life and never killing?

Never knowing what it's like. To just, to just crush. Thank you. Good night. You know, in your whole life and never killing never knowing what it's like just to just crush thank you good night you know to lay down a Netflix special you know and have people watch it all around the country I can't go without it I know it's hard doing it tonight that weekend that we did in Houston man so the last time I did it that was july really august september october november that was four months ago and that was only one weekend imagine how much fun you'd have if you came out tonight maybe i will cheers cheers maybe well i'm a little fucked up

it's gonna be fun you and me and lon white who else is on the show uh the young um tony cassius you can't call him young tony cassius there's one young me and Lon White. Who else is on the show? Young Tony Casillas. You can't call him young Tony Casillas. There's one young. Huh? Young Jamie. Oh. I don't know.

Is he still young Jamie after the coronavirus? Didn't that put a little... No. Sick for a day, you son of a bitch. Look at him. Why I beat it. He beat it. That's why I beat it.

Oh, okay. He beat it because he's young Jamie. People get mad because he's got gray hair now and I still call him young. That's because I haven't stopped dyeing it. I've it because he's young Jamie. People get mad because he's got gray hair now, and I still call him young. That's because I haven't stopped dyeing it. I've always had fucking gray hair. When did you start having gray hair? I was 12.

You can go to a hair salon out here. You should go to a black one and get cornrows. Why don't you go? Why don't you get cornrows? I've had it once. Cornrows? Yeah. I need to see that picture.

Do I have a picture of it? I'll give you a raise if you get cornrows. That eye contact. picture uh do i have a picture of it i'll give you a raise if you get cornrows that high contact that glance he just gave you do it on the show or what i just will you get in trouble if you wear cornrows will that be cultural appropriation of the have they let that go probably i would imagine so yeah it's for white girls it's a real issue but for a guy it might be a goose i would goof It hurt I would imagine It's very tight Uriah Faber got that When he fought

Because Uriah The California kid He's got some long hair Yeah He would get some cornrows You could do it During a show You could just have

One of the cornrow people Behind him Doing it With the pick And the whole deal I think I did it It was when I was still in a band I had long hair back then

I forgot you were in a band Yeah Do you have any recordings? Pierce Pierce Yes We're going to end this show absolutely not yeah we have to no no no no it's not good no that's why it's good come on let me make fun of you is it on youtube no it would there was no youtube this is it was a long time ago i think it's on youtube saving yeah it's not it's not we should put it on youtube We should put it on the JRE channel. Probably not.

Do you have it? You wouldn't even know I'm in the band, though. I'm not singing. What are you playing? I'm playing bass and guitar in the band, so there's a bunch of other people that probably wouldn't be big fans of that being out there either. Have you thought about bringing that back

now that we're in the center of live entertainment? This is the place. I have. Have you really? Have you thought about coming back? Yeah. Really yeah really really people last night were trying to book me a gig already i was like calm down i was like oh my goodness what was the name of your band eat shit yeah it's pretty much please welcome eat shit thank you so much. We're Eat Shit. Good night. What kind of music?

It was like heavy metal rock music, you know. Dude, you were playing metal? Uh-huh. Wow. I mean, that's how I turned. I have an ear for music. Like, I turned you on to that fucking badass song by Aaron Jones. Yes.

Dude, he's really good. I've got into a bunch of his shit. Uh-huh. His people reached out. Let's see. He's going to send us the album he said, but it's not done yet. He's very good. He's very good and very unique. Seattle sound, I think, is what they're calling it.

How much good music came out of Seattle? That is a crazy part of the world. A lot of despair and rainy days. That's it. Yeah. Motherfuckers go inside. How much good music comes out of Miami? Right. Yeah, motherfuckers go inside. Like, how much good music comes out of Miami?

Right. And by the way, you know, Seattle has one more day of rain per year than Cleveland, and Cleveland averages one more day of clouds than Seattle, so they have an equal amount of shitty days. A lot of great shit comes from Cleveland. Yep, that's where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is. Suzanne Santo from Honey Honey. Yeah?

Yep. Honey Honey came out of, a lot of people come out of Cleveland. Yeah. Those places that really suck, those people have a lot of pride. It's weird. Oh, yeah. People who live in places that are awesome, they don't give a fuck about those spots. But people that fucking hang in there in Pittsburgh, we're going to fucking hang in here.

Pittsburgh or death. You know, there was a dude who came to my Cleveland show with a t-shirt on. It said Cleveland or death. And I put him on my Instagram. I was like, that shirt needs to be seen. That was what it said, right? That makes sense. I'm sure it's something like that.

Yeah. I picked death on that one. But you're from Youngstown. I know, I'm kidding. People from Youngstown dream of moving to Cleveland. Yeah. No, I know. on that one. But you're from Youngstown. I know, I'm kidding. People from Youngstown dream of moving to Cleveland. Yeah, no, I know, I'm kidding. But yeah, you know, being from those places is great, but getting out of them and getting out of there is better.

It only works if you get out. Well, it's those fucking winters, man. Yeah. That's what I'm talking with Joey Diaz about. It's like Joe Rogan. This fucking winter's going to be a cold one, I can feel it. I go, there's always a place for you in Texas. Yeah yeah he's dreading winter like a fucking game of thrones character right now we're playing games we're playing games i'm eventually gonna get him out here

it's just gonna take some time i saw white walker the other day joe they're coming let me know when you open up that club i'm gonna open up that club he'll be there day one the floodgates will open i'm gonna put out the bat signal yeah because i Because I don't think the Comedy Store is going to open up, and I don't think the clubs in New York are going to open up. I think it's going to be a while. But we have rapid testing here. We do it at the studio. I think if I hired, this is my thought.

If we have a parking lot, and in that parking lot you have a team of 10 nurses, and you tell everybody to come an hour before the show. The show's at 8. Get here by 7. You get tested. You just have a name. Everybody wears a mask. It's a quick nose swab.

It's not hard. You do a quick test. Everybody goes inside when you're clear, and when you're not clear, they get you the fuck out of there. Yeah. But I bet most people would be clear and you'd maybe catch a few here or there that didn't know they'd have it.

If you have it, if you think you don't feel good, please don't come or get tested at this resource and come on down. And then you have people, they get tested, they go inside

and then they can have a drink and wait for the show to start. Show starts at 8 or 8.30, give people plenty of time. That's not unreasonable to ask for. Not at all. People, before the doors open up at the store, people wait in line for longer than 15 minutes.

Right. Yeah. So if you could have 10 nurses, I mean, you've got your test today. It literally takes five seconds to administer the test. Yeah. Well, 10 seconds, right? It's 10 seconds of swabbing your nose.

So they swab your nose. They do the test. It takes 15 minutes to get the results. But you could do that if you have a name and a number, like number 79. That's me. You're clear. All right, good. You got your ticket.

Maybe you have a QR code or something like that. They scan it at the door. It's not hard to imagine that you could do a real show out here, like a real show, like 300 people packed like in a place the size of the comedy store main room 350 400 people you could do that here yeah it's not like because there's a disease doesn't mean there's not a workaround where everybody can still be safe and still be like we're doing right now everyone in this room's been tested we're okay so then we can just sit across from each other and have fun and not even think about it right that could be done in a

comedy club it can be done you know and is it easy to do right now no it's a little complicated it's a little expensive but is it better than not doing it? Yeah. Especially if you're a fan of comedy. If you know that you can just get tested and then you can go perform in front of a real crowd, like packed like the old days where everybody's clean. Yeah. God, we were having so much fun. We were having too much fun. But this is the wake-up call.

It's a little reminder that you and I and Diaz and Ari and Duncan and so many others, we lived through the golden years of the Comedy Store. It was the golden years. And almost like poetically, it ended at the peak. It was sold out every night. Every night. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Multiple shows a night.

Main Room, OR. I remember going in there on a Tuesday night. yeah every night monday tuesday wednesday thursday multiple shows at night main room or i remember going in there on a tuesday night there was two shows sold out in the main room the show in the or was completely they were doing two shows in the or remember that yeah they started doing an early show in another late show because there were so many people yeah you had to rotate the crowd belly room was packed packed yeah everything was packed those were always two or three shows a night in the belly yeah and people were flying in from all around the world it was literally the golden age of comedy and then it ended and now tell me what you were telling me about la how fucked up they are they won't even let people you're doing a show with no audience in the main room streaming

it to people in the parking lot and they won't let you do it right they gave uh they gave the comedy store a ticket because we were streaming the show from inside to outside on television but but you can also stream other things you can play the lakers you can play ufc you could show anything you want that's live you just can't show what's happening inside the building live outside to the parking lot so how does that make any sense right it doesn't it's ridiculous and by the way the system's so messed up that one week it'll be one person and the next week a different person says that that's okay but this isn't allowed and and uh performing in a window is okay but streaming into screens isn't or it changes continuously because there is no consistency and they don't

know what to do and then at one point it got approved by uh west hollywood that they were allowed to do certain things shows yeah in the parking lot yeah they sent out a newsletter yep i was like oh shit they're gonna do shows in the parking lot yep and then the city of la shut it down yep la county was like nope even though you're your own thing west hollywood we're not allowing you to do that do you think that's political it's it's it's all a mess man i just i i how does that make sense if you can go eat at boa and that's outside right how does that make sense right and also when you factor in that people will be talking less than they would be especially you know right around the corners the saddle ranch

which is playing music and you have people at tables talking over the music to one another so if it's about protecting people from a disease and then you factor in that almost nobody talks during a comedy show other than the one person talking and that they're all facing one direction and clearly if there were scientists they'd be like oh it's much easier to spread it with the music and that that's totally legal than with that where almost nobody's talking and then the comedy store was also proposing a big shield a plexiglass shield between the audience and this and the stand-up yeah and they're still like nope right because it's live entertainment and they think that if they do that people are going to just start dancing or something making out i don't know what's going on doesn't make any sense what i talked to dave smith about yesterday we're like

these governors and these mayors they all suddenly have power and it's very difficult to let that power go it's not it's not nice and they keep getting paid what should happen is their income should be based entirely on the income of the city or the state. Yeah. So when the income of the city and the state is drastically reduced, the salary of the governor and the salary of the mayor should be radically reduced as well. It's brilliant. And then you would see how quickly these motherfuckers would open things up.

Yeah. 100%. And on that note, fuck faces. That's it faces That's it That's it Where you at tonight? Well people will find out tomorrow Yeah

But I'm at I'm at Vulcan Gas Company Tonight in Austin Is that you Jamie? And What is this? Oh shit Is this you?

Where are you at? That you right there? Play this shit Come on Play it Play it We'll leave with this That's not good Play it Play it. We'll leave with this.

That's not good. Play it! Play it! Oh, yeah. Give me some volume. Man, each shit's pretty good. This is our last concert, I think. Each shit coming to 6th Street.

Okay, stop. Turn it back on. We're going to close out with this. Chase your dreams, bitches. I'm in Dallas this weekend, though, at Hyena's. Hyena's, that's a good club. Four shows. Yeah, I go there all the time.

It's so much fun. Keep that volume going. Who are you working with? Very good. Just me. Just you? Yeah. Do you have an opening act?

Yeah, I'm working. Tony Casillas, again, is going to be there. And, yeah, someone else. I'm not sure. Someone else. Yeah. Look forward to it. Another incredible local talent. All right.

It's between two guys. Well, that's it. Dallas, this weekend, come get some. Watch Kill Tony. Tony Hinscliffe, Golden Pony. You're moving here, right? Yes! Say yes!

Yeah, we just got to get everything open here is moving here red bin already bought a house you know that yeah crazy yeah come on bitch crazy come on come on all right you can january okay january is when i'm opening up okay wait i want to wait until the i want to wait until the new uh once biden gets in office i want to see what they do i'm worried about lockdowns i'm worried about nationwide mandates and weirdness. I'm hoping that they recognize that there's a way to do things and open things up. And also they recognize that people have to go to work. You can't just keep everybody shut down.

A lot of waitresses and a lot of waiters and bartenders that got fucked over during this shit. I want to, let's bring them back. Get everybody back to work. Bring back some comedy. Texas. Tony! Come on, Tony! Okay, I'll do it. I just decided. Eat shit coming to 6th Street.

We're gonna have to get some new band members. Looks like they already have. What's up with the smunk machine? It's about a billiard hall They were doing the best they could A billiard hall You played pool

And had music They had A lot going on We had two singers There's a lot happening That guy's screaming He's got one guy Sounds like Tool

The other guy sounds like Megadeth That was the goal That was the goal You figured us out It's a fusion Only you knew us back then Good night everybody Good luck

Godspeed Let's keep it together bitches Woo That's it