The Joe Rogan Experience - #157 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky

Episode Date: November 15, 2011

Joe sits down with Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus. The dynamic duo are here, ladies and gentlemen. The funniest couple I know. The only couple of comedians worth a fuck. Wow. No, there's a couple other ones. I guess Duncan and Natasha are still hanging in there. Oh, I like them.

Yeah, they haven't pulled the trigger, made that shit legal. Tom Segura and Christina Seguraura who doesn't use the last name segura on stage no why do you not why do you not together you are more strong do you want the real talk yes legally my name is segura but stage and official documents kid but because i uh my parents are hungarian immigrants they escaped from Hungary in 1969, went to Canada. I was born there. I moved to LA in 1980. Right.

So that stupid Polak Pajitsky name, it's like my parents fought so hard to get me here. And every time I see a club put it on the marquee, it makes me proud. And it's a little stick it to, you know, I'm a fucking dumb Polak and you guys can suck it. Wow. That's who I am. And, you know, I'm a fucking dumb Polack and you guys can suck it. Wow. That's who I am. And, you know. That's very, very admirable. Don't you think they would like it more, though, if their name didn't hold you back and keep you from succeeding?

Yes, absolutely, Jeremy. Nobody can remember your fucking name. Say it again. Pajitsky. Pajitsky. Good luck spelling that. Yeah. Good luck on Jeopardy for all the marbles.

The other thing is at what point, like if you've started, would you consider, like obviously, you know, 20 years in or 10 or 5, but like after you've done a couple things. Right, it's true, yeah. And you have your name. Right. And then you change your name. People are like, who the fuck are you? Yeah, you could fuck yourself up and start from scratch.

You were seven years in when we already did. Whatever you do, don't hyphenate that shit. That's a goddamn cop-out. That is a travesty. I agree with you. I knew a dude who hyphenated, and he took the wife's name last. What? Yeah, somebody lost.

In his vagina. Somebody failed. That's not hyphenating, babe. We're not doing that. Yeah. He was also a self-proclaimed feminist. He was a male feminist. Really?

I believe that can exist, but I i don't know i don't like the concept of feminist any more than i like the concept of masculinist i like the concept of someone who's masculine centric that's ridiculous and who the fuck is more masculine centric than me i mean everything i do is meathead shit you know fucking cage fighting and choking people and smoking weed fucking getting on stage talking about potents. Come on, man. Any time. But I don't want to just be, I'm not only concerned with men,

I'm concerned with the whole fucking human race. As soon as you start going only one, I dance my ass off for you. I did take dancing classes. You did? Oh, for that movie.

Yeah, I did a dance scene in Zookeeper. That's awesome. With the lovely Leslie Bibb, the gorgeous blonde woman from Talladega Nights. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She played my ex-girlfriend. She's hot. It was so cool. It's like I rarely, rarely get to act. With the lovely Leslie Bibb, the gorgeous blonde woman from Talladega Nights. Yeah. She played my ex-girlfriend.

She's hot. It was so cool. I love her. It's like I rarely, rarely get to act. And my scenes were with her and Rosario Dawson and Kevin James. I was like, oh, so cool. Yeah, she was really funny. She's hilarious.

She's great. She was great in all those scenes, man. I wish I could tell you some shit that this chick would say. When we're hanging around around like in between scenes. We're in the van on the way. She's fucking hilarious. But out of respect for her. And I would not repeat anything she said.

They were quite shocking. Oh, that must be really funny. She's hilarious. She's like a comic. She's like a female comic. That's great. She's hilarious. And cool as fuck.

You're very balanced. You like these alpha male things. But I find you to be very balanced and you appreciate well i mean the alpha male stuff you know what at all i mean i wouldn't say alpha male stuff just masculine type things yes you are i it's what i like why why am i supposed to pretend that i don't like something i don't i like loud mustangs i like when you rev the engine it's stupid he goes i have a mustang and i love it's my favorite car it's the dumbest car i have but you know what's good about it it's loud as fuck and it's stupid and i like listening to leonard skinner music in that really fucking loud and you know yeah you go look at you

fucking loser i don't care that's that is what i like i like watching mma i like playing pool till fucking six o'clock in the morning that's these are the things i actually enjoy i mean i'm not i'm not gonna pretend that i because i did for a long time in my life when i was growing up there i always felt like there was something wrong with me you know like first of all i grew up in boston which is a very pussy whip town i mean it's a very manly town but there's not a lot of women there and especially amongst quote-unquote intellectuals you know it's i mean if you hanging around college people, the amount of colleges per capita is really high. It's like one of the highest numbers in the country.

Boston, yeah. 61, I think, of colleges and universities. Ridiculous. And so most people are really educated, and most people are intelligent. And when you get a lot of educated, intelligent people, and they're trying to impress people, they tend to go towards the super liberal. They tend to go towards the, you know, there's something wrong with you you're a barbarian you need to evolve they tend to go like you would tell someone that you do martial arts and they would look at

you like you're insecure like there's something wrong with you for pursuing that this is something you need to get past like i've had those conversations with people where they judge you for the things you enjoy doing and what they're basically trying to do is, look, no one wants to fucking run hills. No one wants to beat a tire with a sledgehammer. No one wants to do rounds on the bag. No one wants to take class and fucking strangle people for hours and hours. But the only way to get good at all that stuff is to do that. So if you can persuade other people to not get good at all the things that make you uncomfortable,

then you don't have to feel as uncomfortable so if everybody was scrawny and sick and smoked cigarettes and drank whiskey all day you wouldn't have to worry about getting your ass kicked sure and ultimately that's one of the reasons how one of the things and the motivations for people when they do like get upset at people for liking other things you know if you if you actually love what do you like hot rods yeah yeah what are you yeah what's what are you doing stupid you like hot rods and big dogs like what do you like big dogs yeah but the people that say that are always the the like if they're that critical about what you enjoy it's because they're less happy they're insecure it takes you a while to realize that though i thought they were right and they would be angry and critical with me about things and i would think that they were

right and i would say wow you know maybe i am and a... And then eventually it took me a while to go, why do they care? It took me a while to go, why are they giving me a hard time for things that I enjoy? If I like listening to Kiss, I like Kiss. I'll be in my car, come on and love me. I'll sing along. I'll fucking sing along. I think most

people don't get to that point. I think it is something you start to figure out as you get older. But then I was having this thought literally earlier today. Don't you ever look back and think about people that were in high school with you that you feel like had that clarity, but you don't realize it until you're older? You're like, that person's disposition and their outlook was incredible. Yeah, they got it at like 15. At like 15, yeah.

I think it's their parents. Yeah, I think you're right. You grow up in an environment where your parents don't buy the bullshit. It's way easier to not buy the bullshit. Yeah. My parents were very unusual. My stepfather's a hippie, and he was a computer programmer and then an architect. He was a very, very bright guy.

Yeah. Who was always a pot smoker, too, when I was young. And you openly would tell him, or would you smoke with him? I smoked with him when I was eight. What? Eight? No way. Just once to see what it was like. tell you like him or would you smoke with him i smoked with him when i was eight what eight no way just once to see what it was like because i asked him i'm like what are you doing you guys are smoking pot what is that and he goes you want to try it and i go can i he goes yeah he goes just a little but you can try it and he gave me i don't remember the effects i don't remember what happened probably fuck my brain up for life yeah but i was taught really early on to don't don't believe the hype

you know that there's uh there's a lot out there that's bullshit you know yeah a lot of laws that like i would i would get it i got confused about something being illegal i'm like but it's illegal this is illegal and you know my stepfather was always like let me tell you something laws that are not there to protect people they don't they don't need to be there those those laws are nonsense laws and it was a really interesting way he put it the laws that don't protect anybody are just bullshit laws and i was like wow who the fuck ever thought like and then it really is when you really start to think about like personal choice laws like i remember in new york you couldn't get tattooed like tattoos were illegal like for a while back uh in the 90s i had to go to connecticut

to get a tattoo i was like how fucking stupid is this you know this is when i grew up in in boston kickboxing was illegal we used to have to go to rhode island to fight we could fight in taekwondo tournaments in massachusetts but we had to go to rhode island to fight like why the more laws there are the more problems there are let people figure out what the fuck they like and let them pursue it you know we got way too much we have way too many laws and we have way too many people that have a career in not just protecting these laws, but enforcing these laws and building more laws. Oh, yeah.

It's like there's a whole business. It's like, you know, people always say, kill the lawyers first. Oh, for sure. It really is ridiculous when they can catch little imperfections in the text and the language of things are written and they can exploit these things and it's like why is everything so fucking complex it is a business or the the lawsuit yeah to sue somebody over you know in hungary there's a there's an amusement park that uh the roller coaster is made out of wood and it doesn't even stop to let you on yeah dude it's from like the russian communist

and it's the most fun and scariest shit because you could fucking die how slow does it go to get on maybe like five down to five and you literally like the people in it jump off you run in and then the fucking bar doesn't even come down on your lap it's like this and you better hold the fuck on because you're gonna but you think anybody sues the amusement park if they fall off no it's your fault dummy you rode the well i think you should be able to sue for certain things i certainly think they should fix the fucking roller coaster that's not what i'm saying what i'm saying is that there's a lot of laws like that that are in place that just don't need to be right now yeah it's all and it should be sometimes things

are just common sense and public opinion and you, it's common sense to not buy crack. If you want crack, you can get crack. Yeah, crack's illegal. There's no crack people that are out in the street protesting why crack isn't legal. Right. You know, there's no crack advocates. There's no crack legislators. You know, but you can go get it.

If you want to go get it, you can go get it. You want to really, you want to arrest the guy who's selling it, this poor fuck that's running around selling crack? What you need to do is make treatment centers. What you need to do is find out what the fuck happened to this poor kid that he thinks it's okay to sell crack. That's the real fundamental problem. Look, I don't know anybody if I said,

hey man, we're going to sell something that makes your dick fall off. They know it's going to make their dick fall off, but we're going to sell it anyway. Are you down? You want to make some money? I don't know a single person that would go, what? I'm going to make people's dick fall off? Fuck.

So if you wouldn't do that, would you sell crack then? Would you sell something that's going to ruin people's lives? Of course you wouldn't. There's no way you would do that. Nobody would want that over their head. Even if it was a lot of money, man, you you consider it because you really do hate to be broke you don't want to do anything ultimately that ruins lives so that's the real issue the real issue is why are these people willing to sell crack why are these people willing to put other people's lives and put themselves and their

wants and their selfish desires ahead of all these other people's lives there's that's the real desperate desperate world, desperate situation. Yeah, it's not that crack is legal. It's that anybody would want crack. The real root of the problem is not that crack's illegal. It's that why would anybody want crack? That's the real problem. Have you ever smelled crack?

It smells terrible. The real problem is who's educating the children? Who's raising them? Who's exposing them to certain things? Who's protecting them? Who's making sure that you develop a person that doesn't have anger and hate and selfishness inside them to the point where they want to sell people poison?

Poison that they're addicted to. A lot of shitty parents. A lot of shitty parents, man. That is the real root of the issue. That's the real, real root of the issue. You see it in adults. You can tell right away you had a really bad upbringing. Well, you see it when you have kids and your kids are around other people's kids.

You see people fucking scream at kids when you know where they learned that shit from. You see them angry and hit each other with sticks and shit. You see weird shit with kids that you know is going on at home. Did you see that video of that lady, the young girl getting beat by her father? It was a judge. Yes, I saw that. Dude, you don't even want to watch it. It's horrendous.

She was 16 at the time, and her dad is a judge in Texas. And he's a family planning judge. Yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. And he beat her with a belt for downloading shit off the internet. I think she downloaded some illegal stuff off the internet, like, you know, songs or something like that. Songs, music.

So she downloaded it illegal he beat her with a fucking belt i mean beat her like full blast whips and he's yelling i didn't get my lick in i didn't get my lick in and this is a guy who did not know he was recording right being recorded right so this is what this guy's like that's when it's really terrifying when you see people behind their mask you know this guy is uh his mask is that he's a judge. And by the way, they're not even going to pursue charges against this guy. Yeah. This is insane.

There was a statute. Talk about laws. There's statute of limitations on that. Yeah, that's insane. That's insane. That's an assault. It's not even just beating your kid. We used a weapon.

That guy should be in jail forever. Fuck him. You pussy. You hit a little girl with a belt. What, because your life is frustrating? Because you're getting old? Because your dick doesn't work anymore? Which is it?

Which is it that causes you to pull the trigger on beating your fucking baby with a belt? Oh my God. Mind-boggling. It's hard to watch. I would never stop hitting that guy if I saw that happen. I would never stop hitting that guy. I would never run out of one more. I would just keep giving him one more.

Fuck you. You want to beat a baby with a belt? A girl? You fucking piece of shit. That that could even be argued that that guy is not a plague. A blight on society. You fucking shithead.

You could do that to your daughter? Man, shun you you fuck you should live on a mountain now no one should talk to you you should be locked up in a fucking cage fuck you and the pedophiles too for that yeah this fucking this this sandusky thing this uh joe paternal thing holy shit is this dark you know what's really crazy? The guy who found him and turned him in, his name is McQueary. It's almost like this is fiction. It's almost like the world is becoming more, and as 2012 comes along, the story falls apart.

The plot starts to reveal itself. The writing behind the script. Look, a guy named Wiener was a politician who was sending pictures of his dick to girls online and thought he could get away with it i mean what rush limbaugh takes so many oxycontins he goes deaf what that was the best what what and this guy mcqueary finds the most beloved football coach ever is guilty of shielding another beloved assistant coach from fucking little boys for 20 years.

Yeah. This guy was taking these kids on fucking trips. They were staying with him. He was boning little boys for years. And they allowed him to. They allowed him to. Wow. Yeah.

I do. I mean, we should be allowed to beat them publicly. I mean, I don't know what the solution is to sterilize them. They have to be killed. You have to kill them. They've destroyed lives. I don't think people would be. They forfeit their right to live.

Irreparable damage done to those kids. Yeah, they've destroyed all those boys. That guy fucked will never be the boy that they could have been without getting fucked by that guy. That guy owes a hundred lives because he owes more than he owes a hundred thousand lives because he owes every life to these poor fucked up kids are going to interact with and perhaps molest boys because of what happened to them that happens with that's that's why it happens in the first place absolutely so this guy this motherfucker called caused a ripple effect and this mcqueary guy who still has his job

even though he didn't go running to the police everybody wanted to keep their job it seems like they were shielding this guy but the guy who saw the boy getting fucked in the ass should have ran straight to the police wait but that's not what happened

you know that they weren't fucking they were just horsing around. They were just sliding on the floor. That guy's story is that he heard a rhythmic slapping and came in to see a 10-year-old boy with his hands on the wall while this guy was fucking his little boy ass. Yeah. Whoa!

And then did you see the development today as far as the email? No. So McCreary sent out an email to to friends and they had excerpts of it on the news that said that he said you guys know i didn't just turn and run away like they're saying i you know i had to make quick decisions i made sure it stopped so he was saying that because there was he made sure it stopped but they that fucking pedophile? He's suggesting that he intervened at that moment. He intervened? Well, stopped it.

In other words, the first reports said that he saw it. Right. He, in his email, is saying, I didn't just see it and walk away. I stopped it from... I stopped what was happening. Oh, is that right? So he separated them? Okay, so he stopped what was happening.

This is his version. Did he say why He didn't go to the cops No Because it's just They just got a copy Of an email he sent To friends

It doesn't It doesn't go into that God damn it How did he not go to the cops Yeah you have a duty Of course That's the part That people are saying

That he went to his father And then the next day He went to whose father He went to his own father To tell him what happened Right And then the next day He went to Paterno And and then paterno told the athletic director and maybe the president or the athletic director

told the president well that guy's a guy who's trying to keep his fucking job and that's pretty gross yeah what that guy's supposed to do is call the cops immediately everybody knows that first call is to the cops or at least some street and you don't some street justice. And you don't let that motherfucker leave. Yeah, you don't let that motherfucker leave. You beat that old man senseless. You leave him there. And then you call the cops. Yes.

That old fucking creep fucking that 10-year-old boy. You're supposed to want to be violent. Because if you have a tribe, okay, it's a tribe of a few people that care about each other and protect each other from all the other fucking terrible things in the world. When you find something like that, that's a goddamn goddamn disease the real problem is that we have so many people there's so many people there's 300 plus million of us on this one continent and because of that not even one continent one piece of the continent america you know and because of that we we devalue each other man we we don appreciate each other, and we don't appreciate threats like that.

Threats become over there. They're a threat over there. We can separate from it. I live in a gated community. I close my door at night and turn on my alarm system. I have a gun. I'm not worried. We need to get rid of all those problems.

And if you had a community and you had a guy like this paternal fuck who allowed this other fuck to bang little kids in the asshole and didn't have him locked in a cage, you're supposed to tell the both of them. You were not looking out for the community. You guys were looking out for your own asses. All of you. From the guy who caught him who didn't go to the cops to the paternal guy knew. They all fucking knew. You can't be around a dude who's banging kids in the ass and not know. You cannot.

You cannot. This guy's taking little boys on the road with him. Yeah. I mean, it's really dark. He was taking them on the road? Yes. He had a charity to help little kids that were underprivileged or in troubled homes. And it's the craziest thing.

But there was some priests that had written some stuff about finding boys it was really dark shit and it was um they like shared emails back and forth but one of the things that they were saying was that look for boys with troubled childhoods yeah look for boys who don't have a good relationship with their parents and those are the ones they prey on the boys who are lost and alone because they're vulnerable and they'll do anything for love yeah so you know they don't even know while they're why they're having sex with a man they just know that they're happy that this man cares about them because the people the orphanage don't right you know that this man is buying them toys he would do this he would buy them toys he would take them to fucking to games he would do all these things and bone them it's

like classic priest shit it's the classic priest shit the level the level of planning and evil like that goes into i'm gonna set up a foundation a charitable foundation for troubled and we're trying them and we're convicting them right here on the show and i know that's that's wrong uh we can assume i know that's wrong but if that sandusky guy isn't if he's not arrested and that and the McQueary guy, how is he not in jail? I don't understand that. That doesn't make any sense to me. Let me tell you, Sandusky didn't do himself any favors with that interview that he did on air yesterday with Bob Costas at all.

Oh, boy. Oh, my God. So you get it? Can you get it, Brian? It is. I would like to hear it. The answers are so obviously not let's see if the answer yeah i mean you know there's uh there's the first of all there's stuffy volunteers

which if you have doubts you you should probably have far less doubts like what um it was on nbc it was on uh rock center uh with brian williams sandusky yeah it's um there's certain things like if... I don't know. Was it Matt Lauer who underrated him? No, it was Bob Costas. Oh, Bob Costas. He's even better. He's tremendous. Bob Costas is a brilliant man. Yeah. Very smart guy. His grasp of the English language really makes you feel... He's a great guy, too.

I don't know words. He beat me up on news radio. He did? Yeah, we had a fight scene on news radio. And he flipped me. He flipped me on fight scene oh he's radio and he flipped me he flipped me on the ground he's a brain my ass he's a brother yeah we had i got a chance to talk to him all night it was really cool very smart guy well there's just things like i mean i don't know if we're gonna get the interview or not but like when you you know when you're asked uh are you a pedophile are you sexually attracted to young boys what do you think like somebody who isn't? What would they say? What's the correct answer? No. Fuck no. Okay.

Well, what about am I attracted sexually? I mean, I'm not sexually. Define attracted. Yeah, but you got anything

around? Can I just bring up an Oprah Winfrey thing I learned on the Oprah show? I would love to hear this. The web is buzzing. Hold on. Bob Costas'

telephone interview with Jerry Sandususky speaking for the first time since it doesn't seem like it's right it's a report on the is this is not it the interview no they're talking about the interview yeah that's not it obviously just look for the interview yeah the audio is amazing it's incredible um but oprah because oprah was molested and uh and she had this whole segment where she brought pedophiles on the show, and they actually got to say how they court these children, why they do it.

And anyway, basically, they groom children. Like you said, the vulnerable ones, they can tell which boys or girls are psychologically fragile, and they groom them. So that's what that's called, where they give them the candy and the courtship and actually family members too molest a lot she's like if you have an uncle that like is really into hanging out with your girls like have them sit on my lap

or that that's actually how it happens it's the neighbor it's the uncle it's not the stranger it's actually people that you know what the fuck is so red man it's just i. It's not the stranger. It's actually people that you know. What the fuck is wrong with that? It's a red van. I think it's like faulty products. You know? Is this it? This is it. It sounds like it. Innocent.

Completely innocent and falsely accused in every aspect. Good question. Well, I could say that I have done some of those things. I have horsed around with kids i i have showered after workouts i i have hugged them and i've i have touched their leg without intent of sexual contact but um so if if you look at it that way, there are things that wouldn't, you know, would be accurate. Are you denying that you had any inappropriate sexual contact with any of these underage boys? Yes, I am.

Never touched their genitals, never engaged in oral sex? Right. Whoa. their genitals never engaged in oral sex right now what about mike mcquarrie the grad assistant who in two thousand two walked into the shower where he says in specific the ten or eleven years old that his hands were up against the shower wall and he heard rhythmic

slap slap slapping sounds and he described that as array i would say that that's false what would be his motive to lie you'd have to ask him that what did happen in the shower the night that mike mcquarrie happened upon you and the young boy okay we were showering and and horsing around and he actually turned all the showers on and was actually sliding across the floor and we were, as I recall, possibly like snapping a towel on horseplay. In 1998, a mother confronts you about taking a shower with her son and inappropriately touching him. Two detectives eavesdrop on her conversations with you,

and you admit that maybe your private parts touched her son. What happened there? I can't exactly recall what was said there in terms of what I did say was that if he felt that way then I was wrong. During one of those conversations you said, I understand I was wrong. I wish I could get forgiveness speaking now with the mother. I know I won't get it from you. I wish I were dead. A guy falsely accused or a guy whose actions have been misinterpreted doesn't respond that way, does he? I don't know. I didn't say to my recollection that I wish I were dead. I was hopeful that we could reconcile things.

Shortly after that in 2000, a janitor said that he saw you performing oral sex on a young boy in the showers in the Penn State locker facility. Did that happen? No. How could somebody think they saw something as extreme and shocking as that when it hadn't occurred? And what would possibly be their motivation to fabricate it? You'd have to ask them. It seems that if all of these accusations are false, you are the unluckiest and most persecuted man that any of us has ever heard about.

You are the unluckiest and most persecuted man that any of us has ever heard about. Oh, I don't know what you want me to say. I don't think that these have been the best days of my life. Sandusky's attorney, Joseph Amendola, insists the charges filed by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania... The attorney got a young girl pregnant, got a teenager pregnant. Cool. Did he really? Yeah. It's hilarious.

Well, he was 49. No, you can kill it. 49 years old, he got a teenager pregnant. Yeah, it goes on. It goes on. Birds of a feather. I think you're totally right that you shouldn't convict somebody just when charges. But then if you did have your doubts doubts does that make them fade away that cements it that this

guy's a creep no no question about it that's not how you respond of course not people that are guilty that are pretending to not be guilty never realize how other people see them yeah they always just try to you know stay calm and keep it together. You would be freaking the fuck out. If that was you and all of a sudden someone was saying that Tom Cigar has been touching little kids and blowing them in a bathroom, you would go crazy. You wouldn't be. You'd have to ask them.

There's no fucking way you would leave it at you'd have to ask them. You could be like, I have no idea. This is horrifying. It's disgusting to me too, etc. It's not only that. It's put me in this terrible position where it'll never be erased from some people's memories that have heard this. It's a terrifying thing.

If you think someone falsely accusing you of being a child molester like this, if someone was really falsely accusing, you would be trapped. You would be raging. You trapped you would be like raging you would be like i haven't done anything what the fuck is going on and people have been falsely accused before for sure i would like to see how they react because it doesn't sound like that like do we do you know of any popular cases i just assume oh brian i just assume that people

have been i mean yes especially uh i mean i, I'm sure it's happened for sure. It has to have happened. And molestation. Yeah. And murder ones, and I always like, it blows my mind when you see like DNA

exonerate somebody. Yeah. And they serve like 20 years. And you're like, that person was in prison for 20 years of their life. In hardcore prison for like murders and rapes and shit.

And the whole time he was like i didn't murder somebody everybody was like sure thing asshole like i'm sure you didn't did you see that guy that fought on the undercard oh my god wait what no tell me this is a guy no it wasn't many it wasn't it was like a week or two before yeah yeah it was this guy was 52 years old he had just gotten out of jail where he was in jail for, I think, 29 years. Yes. For a crime he didn't commit. He got freed. I would die in jail so fast. It's horrific.

It's so sad. It's so scary. He was boxing champ inside. He won his comeback fight. 52 years old. Wow. He had a professional boxing. He actually looked really good for a 52-year-old.

He was in good shape. This is so disappointing. So horrifying. Just his philosophy too I saw a piece on him before the fight and just how he wasn't wanting to kill

everybody in the world even though I can't imagine the anger you gotta have how long would it take him to be sane again you know man

how long would it take him to bounce back that's a long god damn road yeah he has like a great attitude way better attitude than people who haven't served 29 years it's incredible i wonder how he pulled it together like that i don't know i really don't know yeah that's a this it's really sad that's and that's

the one reason why i'm not a hundred percent for capital punishment you know i mean i'm for capital punishment when you absolutely know but the reality is man there have been bad cops just like there have been bad postmen like there's been don't you think uh people would uh not be like you know there's a certain amount of people oppose the death penalty for crimes you can commit now don't you think people would be there would be less people opposed to it if it were for like child molestation like if you're like that's a punishable by death crime now don't you think less well you'd have to prove that the person was 100%. Yeah, but if they were. If you could prove it 100%, yeah.

People would be like, all right. Well, you know what? I think it would be harder to get people to pull the trigger for child molesting because a lot of people have creepy uncles that they love that are probably deadlers. Yeah. So I think it's more prevalent in our society than we'd like to admit. And it really is a symptom and a side effect of the sexual repression that we all enjoy in this country you know that's they're wired that way if your kink

is that it's unfortunate because how do you express that kink well i think um i i think at the root of a lot of really fucked up deviant behavior is a lack of sexual choices and a lack of uh sexual uh education and And that the fact that it's dirty, the fact that sex is forbidden, the fact that it's something that you feel like you're getting away with when you do it. And then you add to that fucked up people that molest kids, and you throw that all in a big batch together. And then you have these kids that grow up with this fucked up memory, and they repeat the same behavior over and over again. And what is the root cause of it?

I mean, all of it has got to be like shitty parenting. Shitty parenting and the kid being molested, right? That's the root of all of it. But also, you know, it has to, there should be a little bit more knowledge. We should be a little bit more open about what the fuck is going on sexually with people. Like in high school, do you think they have classes where they talk about people that are just trying to fuck you?

Do you think they have a class like that? Oh, they should. Where they say, hey, look, this guy with candy in the open van, he's just trying to fuck you. He's trying to fuck you in your ass. Wouldn't that be great to tell like 10-year-olds? Sure. They really should know, right?

Because otherwise, the first time they get raped, they're like, what the fuck is this? They did for drugs. I had D.A.R.E. Drug, what is it? Drug Resistance Education, nobody told me. They did for drugs. I had D.A.R.E. Drug, what is it? Drug Resistance Education. All it did was teach me what drugs I wanted to do when I was old enough to do them.

It didn't really teach me shit. Remember when you had to pass around the fake drugs that looked like cocaine? Yeah, that was the best. It looked like weed. Or actually, it was real stuff that the police had confiscated. And you're sitting there looking at real weed when you're 12 going, wow, this cool looking i've never seen this plant but wouldn't it be more valuable my brother's guts wouldn't have been more valuable if they were like hey if some guy tries to fuck you in a van run yeah like but there used to be don't ever trust any any adult that's by themselves and wants to take you somewhere stranger danger stranger in the 80s they had psa's don't talk

to strangers don't open the door if you're alone so terrifying they don't do that it's so terrifying every now and then you'll see someone somewhere

some fucking sketchy looking person and you just wonder wow but it is I do think it is the it is the like unacceptable

unfixable kink it is like I think it's like there's bad wiring and there's some products that you're like this thing doesn't fucking work it broken yeah it's a broken person and there's really no yeah because everything else if you're like this is what arouses me like there you can get your you know but this is the one that's like you can't sorry yeah you can't and it's it's a psychological

issue too it's might not even be sexual so like making them impotent might not even do it they might still want to touch the kids and do weird who knows cut their balls off yeah i don't know i don't know if it's psychological or it's just purely sexual you know i think it's a it's a weird fucking obsession it's terrifying terrible terrible obsession you know and it's it needs to be fixed they need to you know someone needs to figure out a way to fix that i think probably there is a way with psychedelic drugs but they haven't pursued it enough to figure out like you know what's the right dose and how to administer it correctly like if you give someone like a if someone's like a child monster or someone's done something fucked up and you give them like a heavy heavy dose of ayahuasca or heavy dose of ibogaine or

something like that i guarantee you they would be so disappointed and disgusted with themselves they do to kill themselves or they would never, ever do it again. Really? Yeah, I think so. I think that's true with a lot of people, a large percentage of the population. I think most people, like when a guy said he wanted to kill himself, I wish I was dead. That's what they think. That's what they think.

They don't want to live this way. They're just stuck in this goddamn feedback loop, this horrible loop that they got in as a small child. That Sandusky guy was probably molested when he was a kid. Yeah, sure. Probably by another football coach or something like that. I saw in a story that his parents started a home for kids, and he lived in that home growing up.

Oh, bingo. Well, there you go. That's where he got it. Yeah, he got it either from one of those kids that he went in the home with, because a lot of those have been molested. If you're going to share a home with troubled, because a lot of those have been molested. If you're going to share a home with troubled children, a lot of their troubles are sexual.

God damn it, man. Yeah, God damn it, man. Yeah, and you know what? While this fucked up country is overseas stealing heroin and minerals in Afghanistan and pretending that it's for our greater good, they could be over here trying to fix the real problem in this country, which is fucking the youth. The real problem is the quality of our fucking plants that are growing the quality of our seeds that have been planted the quality of the human beings that are developing

right now and for a good percentage of them it's a fucking mess and no one wants to fix that could you imagine if we had an entire country of people that lived in a good neighborhood? An entire country of people that lived in a place where you didn't have to worry about your kids getting fucked by some creepy man. You mean the Netherlands? No. Even there. That's awesome. Well, sort of, but even there.

The Netherlands and Holland, a lot of crazy shit goes on in Holland. Holland's a dark place. I don't know enough about it. Yeah, the red light district, all those wars. Yeah, but that's justrotters. I don't know enough about it. Yeah, the red light district, all those horrors. Yeah, but that's just for tourists. I don't think the native Dutch. I was just there like a few weeks ago. Did you stand up out there?

Yeah, yeah, for like some Showtime thing. And the natives were saying, like, we don't go to those places. The Dutch are actually conservative people socially. So it's more just for. It's a business thing. They realize that that's what attracts us dopey americans well we can smoke dope in public and we can fuck hookers and it's so it's so crazy to us so we can have sex and we can do all these things and and that's why we go over there and do that

or an english is not an innocent place though by any stretch of the imagination but they see a wild ass place do you know do Do you know that's where some of the best kickboxing in the world comes from? No. Yeah? Is that really? The Dutch, the Muay Thai, yeah, yeah. Muay Thai fight? The Muay Thai in Holland is at some of the highest level in the world.

A lot of fighters from other countries go to Holland to train in kickboxing. I had no idea. Yeah, there's a great culture. Yeah, they're so angry. There's a great culture of kickboxers from that part of the world. They're repressed. There was a few guys back in the day

and there's a bunch of them that became successful. Particularly this guy, Ramon Deckers, who went over to Thailand and fought the best ties in the world. And he was a small guy,

so he was the size of the ties. And then there was a guy named Rob Kamen. And Rob Kamen was a larger, bigger guy. You met Rob, right? Yeah, he's a big dude. Yeah, he's a bigger guy.

He looks like it would hurt. He's probably the best kickboxer that ever lived. Really? Yeah, and he's real super technical. And he's from Holland as well. They're all crazy. They're wild, wild people, man. Fun, fun people.

Did you see that sports science on Bas Rutten's kicks? Oh, yeah. Yeah, ridiculous. They were like, this is all wrong. All the readings are off. Yeah. He'll hurt you, son. And then he did it again.

They're like, your insides are being traumatized if you get kicked by this guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Boss Rutten can kick fucking hard. He was one of the first guys in mixed martial arts fighting. He was really fighting in an organization called Pancrase, which was sort of a hybrid. It wasn't quite mixed martial arts. He had weird rules.

You could kick full blast, but you couldn't punch to the face. You could only slap to the face. You could only pull your hands back and use open palm strikes. But what Boss Rooten figured out how to do is pull his hands way back. He had really flexible wrists. So really, he was punching you with his palm. Because with most guys, they were slapping, which doesn't have the same impact. Oh, so the bone have the same impact but what boss was doing he was pulling his hands way back like this and he was throwing punches he was the first guy to figure out that he could throw punches with his palms and

he was fucking people up and he would kick them and you would just go whoa nobody kicks that hard in this style of fighting he was kicking like a a real powerful Muay Thai guy would kick, but he was applying that in MMA. He was one of the first guys, one of the first pioneers. Yeah, it's a crazy goddamn sport. The sport of fighting is crazy. I don't mean to brag, but I studied Kung Fu for two years in Griffith Park. Tai Chi?

Yeah, no, I did Kung Fu style. And my teacher taught us those Muay Thai kicks, and she said that they get like calluses on their shins. Well, you sort of do, yeah. Yeah, no, I did kung fu style. And my teacher taught us those Muay Thai kicks. And she said that they get like calluses on their shins. Well, you sort of do, yeah. It's awesome. They get kind of numb. A lot of guys have like bumps and knots and shit from, you know, you get like bloody spots and bruises and they heal up and it gets tough eventually.

Some guys even kick bamboo trees and shit. They kick banana trees. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. And they kick it just to kind of you know it kind of has some give to it but it's still pretty hard it does feel good to kick stuff hard does it punch yeah what do you think about when you do that god damn it just do you think about tom mommy issues oh yeah never no i don't i don't treat you like the enemy i don't have anger how can you guys get

along so well as a couple and as comics because a lot of times like you guys are genuinely happy neither one of you guys is like tortured you know and you seem like better together you actually seem better together we all have that friend that when they're with their other they're different you know isn't that sad it's fucking sad i think it's sad to watch yeah i have a buddy that can't do anything right when he's with his girl. She's always, what are you putting it there for? What is that? Why is this over here? Sit down.

What time is it? Are you ready? Yeah. It's like always. There's always a nag in there. But you guys are like buddies. Yeah. You know why, though?

I think some women, they make their spouse the enemy for some reason. They're unhappy with something inside of them. But with Tommy, I think, I don't know. How do you avoid that? I'm in therapy. I go to psychotherapy. And I work out my shit. And I do it professionally.

And also, because we're both comics, I think Tommy's way funnier than me, and I accept that. And I like him. You know what I mean? I respect you as a comic, and I respect you as a person. Yeah.

So that's why you go along? Because you realize he's the fucking man. Yeah, dude. He's awesome, right? You guys kiss. You kiss and I'll sing. What are you going to sing? Make it romantic. Just you and I.

That was so cute. That was beautiful. You know what? The thing that people ask me all the time, they're like, are you guys competitive? And I'm like, what? No. Like, I guess because comics sort of inherit their competitive, but like in a relationship, that's way different.

Some people, it's their whole thing. The competition is their whole thing. But female comedians are considered novelty acts. I think there's still enough sexism in comedy where people are like, you guys ready for a lady comic? And I'm like the circus act in a normal lineup. So my career, what I'm trying to say,

is never going to conflict with Tommy's. It's preposterous to think that we're competing for the same. No one's career competes with anybody's career. Right, and that too. You have to realize that somewhere along the line that when your friends do better, you do better you do better everybody together but you all grow together but everybody gets fucking selfish and they don't want their friends i mean i know a lot of comics

that i mean we all know a lot of comics that they don't like the other people around them to be funny oh sure they want to hold everything everybody back because somehow or another they feel like it makes them not funny you know like i remember i had a conversation with somebody and they were saying why the fuck do you take joey diaz on the road with you man he's so funny he's ridiculous i was like because he's hilarious yeah what kind of stupid question is that like but to them it was that was ridiculous like what they did and this was a headliner i was talking to a national guy and what he does is take a fucking terrible comedian on the road with him. Oh, boy. And the terrible comedian would go on there and eat his own dick for 20 minutes,

and then he'll go out and look like a goddamn hero. He'll rescue it. The bar has been lowered. These people are looking to laugh. So he has a couple inferior comedians on before him, and then he goes out there and he looks like a fucking superhero. But when they see someone doing well, they start thinking these terrible thoughts. This person is going to usurp my power.

People are going to be seeing them. I'm going to be opening them up for him. And they start thinking crazy, man. That is crazy. And it's stupid. It's a dumb thing to do. It's a trap. You can never be jealous.

You can only be inspired. Oh, yeah. Totally. If you feel any negativity, just fucking push it aside. Ignore it. Reject it. Refuse it. And just say, say man how awesome

is that guy i wish i was that funny you know i'm gonna write more you know i want to go do this and i think that both christina and i have both always been the type of person that likes having funny people around like we genuinely enjoy funny people and we never like even when they're like huge personalities because neither one of us has huge like overbearing personalities to people so especially like off stage when like i'm around like i feel like when i'm around like joey diaz like a fucking movie is playing yeah like somebody just pressed play on a fucking funny movie how am i not gonna like i'm gonna watch him i mean i said i've been at your shows where we're backstage

and I pull up a chair and I'm like so have you ever been like I ask him a question have you ever been to like Phoenix and he's like Phoenix

and he starts on a let me tell you something about it we robbed this guy in Phoenix it's like how could you not or like

I robbed him with a cap gun he had a room made of fire on his ass yeah like I mean my nose was bleeding I was up for three days. You know what I mean, dog?

One of my nipples was gone. Not only is it, like, not threatening, it's, like, the biggest joy of the night is to sit around or you ask stupid Bert. Yeah. Yeah. And he tells you a story. Like, he's, like, having a fucking TV on.

Having a show going on, constantly. Yeah, that's how I feel about Joey, always. I always feel like Joey's, like, a show that we bring with, that's how I feel about Joey, always. I always feel like Joey's like a show that we bring with us. He brings the party. He brings the party. That's why he goes up first, too.

I mean, he's a goddamn national headliner. You know, I mean, Joey's one of the best comics in the country. And he goes on first. And the reason why he goes on first

is because he wants to. He wants to go out there dancing and he brings the party. You know, and he likes it. And he also likes the challenge of warming a room up. You know, it helps make the material stronger. Joey's really calculated about his comedy you know you would

think that being this wild crazy guy that you know he's kind of just kind of wings it but he also thinks about it a lot you know he has there's a lot of thought behind his comedy and he you know he thinks that it's good for your comedy to go up cold like that he likes to do it for sure you know that's how they used to do it in Boston. Yeah. I was just talking to a buddy about this. They used to do a night. They would do Don Gavin's show.

And Don Gavin was a national headliner and one of the biggest acts in Boston. And he would go on stage first. And it was his show. And he would be the host of the show. And so he would bring up, like, we're going to do Thursday night at the Ice House again this week. So if you're around, come on down, bitches, because it's a party. It's an the show. And so he would bring up, like if we did, like we're going to do Thursday night at the Ice House again this week. So if you're around, come on down, bitches, because it's a party.

It's an awesome show. It's really, really intimate. Only 85 seats. And it sold out last week. It'll probably sell out this week, too. And who else is doing it, Brian? I'm going to announce

the whole lineup tomorrow, but John Reap is going to do it. Nice. Our friend Yoshi's doing it. And I got some other secrets. Two hilarious dudes. That was so much fun. Last week was a blast

so fun so cool yeah they're the awesomest crowd oh the best yeah yeah just the best they're on board from the first minute yeah they're so cool you know i that's the the the greatest joy to me is that whenever i go to comedy clubs people always say how nice my crowds are that they're nice and generous i hear that all the time everywhere like they are people are so nice they tip they're awesome they know how to drink they fucking keep it down they're nice and generous. Absolutely. I hear that all the time everywhere. They are. People are so nice. They tip. They drink. They're awesome. They know how to drink. They fucking keep it down. They're not amateurs.

No. But say this show that we're going to do Thursday night, if we were going to do it in Boston, I would go on first. It would be like the Joe Rogan show. And I'd go up and I'd bring all these different people up. And then at the end, you'd do like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever it is, and close it out. So that's what the guys would do. They would do a little bit in the beginning. And then they would fuck around minutes, whatever it is, and close it out. That's what the guys would do. They would do a little bit in the beginning, and then they would fuck around.

In between each act, they would fuck around. Do you want to do that Thursday? No. It's a ridiculous way to do it. Does that take the steam away from being a headliner then? I think it does, a little bit. I think it takes the steam away from a set. When I see a guy like Stan Hope or David Teller or something like that, I want to see a 45 minute set plus.

I want to see like an hour or something like that. Because when you see like a 45 minute set or an hour set, then you see a real set. You get to fully sink in the experience of them shifting subjects and building momentum and changing gears, and it's all this one thing, you know, it's, it's like seeing avatar in two chunks, you know,

it's like, you know what I mean? Like you wouldn't want to do that. You'd want, it's a great movie, but you'd want to watch the whole thing. It'd be just as good if it, I mean,

you'd probably enjoy it still if somebody, you know, put an Adam Sandler movie on for 20 minutes, the middle avatar, but it wouldn't be the same. I'm not ever calling my act avatar, but you know, it's a,

I think anything you do where you're, you're not ever calling my act avatar but you know it's a i think anything you you do where you you're fully wholly concentrated on that moment you know i think it would make it better sure so i don't i don't like doing it like that no don't you find that's the key like i mean i we always talk about this that how some comedians become so well loved and so successful like larry the cable guy i love shit and dick jokes all right i'm not above any of that but i think his fans and people that love him just want to hang out with that guy right like he's real friendly and it's yeah it's like yeah you just you want to be around that guy for 45 minutes and be in his world it's not necessarily who's the

the best craftsman of the wording of the joke. It's your essence. That's totally true. You as a human being. Yeah, and I've heard people say that he's racist. Is he? Yeah, well, he has some jokes, some racial jokes, but what the fuck?

This is the real issue. The real issue is why we live in a world that everyone's so goddamn fucking sensitive. You should be able to joke about everything and anything, especially these radical Muslim fucks. these guys have really got everybody in a corner because you can't even draw muhammad you draw muhammad they want to stab you like really dude i'm gonna draw your guy and you can't even draw him what if you draw him real good like this is a you know it's like leonard da vinci wants to draw muhammad he can't you're gonna shoot him

yeah come on bro that's. You guys are being ridiculous. You should be able to tell. When you cut humor out of the equation, when your society is humorless, when there's things that are off subject, you cut out all lines of inquiry. You cut out real observing. And then you force everybody to sort of subscribe to a predetermined pattern of behavior that's politically correct. Because unless you can tell jokes about shit, then I don't know.

You might tell a joke about something that's absolutely horrible and it's not funny at all. But in trying, you test the waters. And sometimes there's some preposterous shit going on. And if you say people can't joke about it and then one guy does joke about it and fucking knocks it out of the park and everybody's howling guess what that guy that joked about it's got a point and you might not want to deal with that point because you're living in a fucking fantasy world where you want everybody to not talk about your particular subject you know whatever the fuck it is whatever it is whatever taboo you got going on inside your head whether it's religion or sexual or whatever whether it's you know saying certain words whatever whether it's you know saying certain

words or whether it's you know saying you don't believe in god whatever the fuck it is if you say that someone can't draw muhammad and you someone can't make a south park they couldn't even make a cartoon where they pretended they were going to draw muhammad i mean what was the full extent muhammad was actually on south park but he was in the early days before this happened yeah right and then the second one he was a black bar. But then they stopped them from putting Muhammad on again. Right. And they made him do it like Muhammad was a teddy bear.

Oh, right. Yeah, he was a weird looking teddy bear. Yeah. Something like that. I can't remember. But it was some ridiculous shit where they were being threatened. Weren't they? Like, you know those guys.

Yeah, but I don't remember that. That was a while ago. They were being threatened. And I know that one one people have been killed for it and it was that one woman that had to change her identity because she tried to make a certain day draw muhammad day yeah yeah you know and she kind of went on went deep with it and thought she was being cute and they're like bitch we'll cut your fucking head off yeah you know you want to play cute my appeal to you my radical muslim friends please the path that you're taking by cutting people's heads off for drawing your guy is not the good one okay you don't need to concentrate on such silly things this is a crazy

way of doing it of course but the problem is man that part of the world has a lot of shit in its in its in its environment that has been there for 10,000 years. And it's very difficult to change things. The best way to change things is like the way America changed things, by moving. Everybody moved here a few hundred years ago from somewhere else, and then this was the next stage of change. But if you live in a place where there's not that much physical change over the hundreds and hundreds of years it's the middle ages there i was there in july and it's literally just like shitty brick walls

and just like mud huts and then the woman in the burqa and if your husband really loves you he builds a wall around your backyard so the wife doesn't have to wear a burka while she's doing chores in the backyard it's like it's the year 1300 holy shit very yeah i have a buddy that went over there and he said they catch men fucking boys all that's right yeah that's what they say what about telling about oh tell them the oil rig off of uh iraq iran the oil rig oh yeah man i did a show in between iran and iraq on an oil rig an oil platform it was a mile long half half iraqi soldiers and half u.s marines and the marines were teaching the iraqis to guard their oil and uh so i was sleeping on this tanker and it smelled of gasoline all night and you would see the uh not armpits but no well they stink too yeah boy oh boy but uh you would see the... Not armpits? No. Well, they stink, too. Yeah, boy, oh, boy.

But you would see spy ships roll up. Anyway, I got to tour the Iraqi barracks. You see spy ships? Yeah. They try to... Iran would pull up their tanker. What? Yeah.

And they would have the word Iran on the side of the boat. But then they would black it out with black paint. Like, we are not Iran. Come on. Really? I have pictures. I will show you the pictures. So they pull up to this... then they would like black it out like with black paint like we are not iran come on really i have pictures i will show you the pictures so they pull up to this this used to be around shit and we sold it to somebody yeah so they're spying on us training the iraqis and i got to tour the iraqi barracks and uh it's first of all i mean it's just it's completely look we're we're really great at

being military the americans have that shit down like the marine corps is we're fucking real you know and they're barracks they're just wires loose water bottles loose they would take shits in over they hang their ass over the oil platform take a shit in the water and then fish in the water they just shouldn't and then eat the fish and there's a lot of water i doubt that shit's gonna have an impact i don't know man and come on all the season all the seasoning those guys eat it probably tastes pretty good yeah but it's not bright to to fish where you really don't think they can shit that much to have an impact on the ocean shitting aside they take some really

big dumps you said but sitting aside what, actually, when you think about it, how many guys are there? Well, here's another thing. How many guys were on the 50 guys? 100 guys? No more than that. 500? Yes. Oh, that's a lot of shit.

That's a lot of shit. That might have an impact after a few months. Especially, well, here's the thing, too, is like if you shit, like right now, and I'm just like, what's up? You've cast a lot of shit. You've got to cast it away from where you shit you gotta like keep a map where'd you shit last night oh right here right here's the spot don't fish there wait but can i tell you the grossest part is that okay so i went to like their their

and they had mattresses that were folded dirty dirty mattresses up against like this wall and i was like what are the mattresses for and uh the guy was like well it's a thing called man love thursdays because thursday is their friday i forget what it is and and he says they put they put the mattresses down and then the guys they fuck each other on the mattresses and i know i mean who knows if that's just like us being douchebags i don't know but he also said that he broke up fights where one guy... Wait a minute. What? Who knows if that's like us being douchebags? I'm saying like Americans being like, and then the Iraqis are a bunch of homos.

And could be joking around about fucking each other, right? But then I had a commander tell me a story where he had an Iraqi soldier pound on his door at 2 in the morning, and the guy had bite marks on his back, and he was bleeding from these bite marks. And finally the commander deduced that he thinks some guy was trying to fuck him, and he wasn't allowing, and the guy bit his back. So the homosexuality, from my understanding, is that it's situational homosexuality, where because they can't date women, and you have to just get married,

that they choose men because of the situation they're in what the fuck and it's not gay it's not considered gay it's just like it's just sex i mean that's that's come on that's not gay that's totally it's totally not so they don't consider themselves gay they can just consider themselves really into fucking yeah you're just anything and anything just whatever yeah everything that comes along they stick their dick in including yeah dudes who don't want it well yeah in places like saudi i've been there too they yeah i'm pretty sure it's prevalent to other dates let's take a shit off the edge and then fish and then lay on the mattress and fuck each other yeah it's a really weird world and it is and it's so foreign and as a westerner you really i try to be open-minded and wrap my head around their culture

and there are certain ways they treat women that i'm just like yo i'm what's really strange is that as far as we know and what you know there's a lot of debate about when the beginning of civilization was but as far as we can tell it was there as far as we can tell it was in iraq sumer mesopotamia yeah that's where the first written language first mathematics were attributed to these guys the the first yes any any knowledge whatsoever of astronomy or astrology they had the the constellations mapped out they had uh different uh astrological signs they had 13 i believe instead of 12 is that correct i think there i think there's something like that anyway i'm uh what i don't remember how many there are,

but the point was that these people had this really amazingly advanced civilization 10,000 years ago. And today, it's more advanced than it was then, but they still have a really suppressive, ancient-style culture. And it's really kind of weird to see this combination of modern technology technology extreme wealth in places like dubai and the united states and extreme wealth and a lot and but also this like weird you know with the modern stuff and this weird ancient stuff like you know like the whole thing about you know um the just the the laws of islam the women wearing purkas and you know all of that crazy. I mean, when did that start?

Well, it's a theocracy. You have to understand that even in the Gulf countries that are more progressive, like the United Arab Emirates where Dubai is, there's places you can drink a beer for expats, not the Muslims, because they don't drink. But, I mean, you'll be in a McDonald's and you'll hear a call to prayer, and the expectation is that you've got to stop, drop, and roll. Yeah, like you've's and you'll hear a call to prayer. And the expectation is that you got to... Put down your McRib. Really?

Stop, drop, and roll. Yeah, like you got to get down. Who calls to prayer? No, the mosques. Like you hear it five times a day. Like the first time I heard it, I didn't even know what that sound was. It sounds, it's like terrifying. It's like, oh, and you're like, what the fuck is happening?

So you could think it's like the end of civilization. Yeah, you don't. And you're like, it sounds like you just want to cover your ears and just cry and that's their that's their call to prayer so you just don't know what the fuck's happening and it's like right state do you you know a lot of people think that there's something to having some sort of an extreme discipline along those lines that it does keep people in line and facilitates family and it facilitates it's possible it doesn't always obviously if they're fucking little kids in the ass you know, biting

people in the back. It's not everybody across the board, but the idea that some intense form of study like Islam or like Buddhism or like Christianity or like anything where you really get involved in the practice of some intense discipline and some intense

study. Especially if you have strict enforcement. That's right. That's the key right there, man. When you have like in Iran where they have the religious police in addition to. Oh, yeah. Or if you go to Saudi Arabia, they have that. They have like religious police. Yeah, we had somebody who was.

Old Soviet Union. Who wasn't going to get. Oh, they haven't. Arrested. Oh, I almost. just please yeah we had somebody who was old soviet union was gonna get oh they haven't had no crime arrested oh i almost in ramadan i was there during their their holy month of ramadan i was in the back of a van drinking a bottle of water and the marine i was with was like put the fucking bottle down we're on the freeway if someone sees you on the freeway drinking water when the sun is still up during ramadan the religious they can report you to the religious police and as a westerner they'll throw you in jail.

And that's in the hip city of Dubai in Abu Dhabi. Oh, yes. And you get sent to jail for like two months, and it's like a $3,000 penalty. And they don't feed you. They don't feed you. So your relatives have to come and feed you if you have the misfortune of getting put into jail in the Middle East.

So I don't know why. They don't feed you? And I don't know why they don't and i don't know why they're plugging dubai as this like wild west this like vegas of the middle east it's it's still muslim you guys like it's not it it outraged me to see sex in the city too taking place in like abu dhabi like are you are you kidding me like this is not a place for you guys for you to be an old slut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't old slut about it. There's a lot of women that got really confused and thinking that old sluttiness was acceptable

and not sad. And not sad. You know, that woman's not sad. She's a fucking panther. She's out there having a good time. She's hot. You go, girl. And all these women with broken vaginas

lined up to see this fucking crap I know you get them all confused sloppy tits it's just like Clint Eastwood had people thinking they can keep an orangutan as a pet

right you can't fucking do that man that thing will rip your arms off and stuff them up your nose is that the best did you hear about that guy with the hippo no

you didn't hear about this guy I saw something about it there's a guy that's famous on the internet for having a pet hippo that he rides. He actually rides his hippo. He found it when it was a cub,

raised it its whole life. Well, it finally fucking killed him. All right. Yeah, there you go. This poor fucking silly cunt was killed by the animal shocker that kills more people in Africa than any animal.

Yeah. The hipp any animal. Yeah. The hippo does? Yeah. Not to be fucked with. More than a tiger or something? Oh, yeah, dude. Really? Yeah.

Tigers are actually in Asia. Angry animals. But they bite people in fucking half, man. I didn't know that. They're actually like a type, well, I think they're somehow or another like cousins to a pig. They used to think they were like really closely related, but now I think there's some dispute in that.

But whatever it is. They're like dinosaurs. Yeah, they're old as fuck. What they are is a giant fucking animal that is super aggressive and really mean and just bit the fuck out of this guy. And they found his corpse mauled in the water. But he thought it was cute that he used to ride this thing. Isn't it weird that you can't grow up with an animal from an early age

and it would like not fall in love with you that it would still do this? You know, it's kind of weird still in some ways, I think. People get aggressive

with people and they hit people, you know, like brothers and sisters hit each other and they don't have enough strength to hurt each other,

you know, but if your brother was a fucking gorilla, an 800 pound gorilla and you were a two month old baby and your brother got mad at you and just fucking clubbed you in the head, he would kill you. The problem is, you know,

when babies get mad at each other, well, they're both babies, and they really don't have much impact on their slaps. This is a completely different thing, this hippo. This hippo got mad like this. This guy's probably an annoying douchebag. Why is he riding this hippo in the first place, right? This guy's fucking crazy. He's a crazy

person. This is not what you're supposed to do. Everybody knows that you're not supposed to fucking even make contact with these things. Was this guy bald, by the way? No, he's a big guy, too. What city was it?

I was going to say maybe it was a marble. I think it was in South Africa. Hungry, hungry. Might be making it up. Yeah, why do people need exotic pets? Why?

Why must you have... You guys saw the guy in Ohio, right? Yeah, yeah. The crazy guy who had all those animals who killed himself. Why? Why must you have? You guys saw the guy in Ohio, right? Yeah, yeah. The crazy guy who had all those animals who killed himself. What?

Let all the animals free and then killed himself. Yeah. At least that guy had them in cages. And that guy they knew was a fucking, he was a loose cannon.

They said that he had threatened to do that before. They had an issue with the cops. He's like, oh, let these fucking animals go. Oh, boy. He's a crazy asshole. let these fucking animals go. Oh, boy. Crazy asshole.

What did he have? What was in his... What I was going to say, though, is that this hippopotamus might not even want to kill him. He might have gotten mad. For a second. It wanted to bite him

like he would bite another hippopotamus. Like, get off me, bitch. Stop riding me. I want to fucking rest. But when you do that to a little flimsy-ass person, they break and they die.

There's a video that Brian turned me on to of lions trying to kill a hippo and it's the craziest thing ever they can't kill it they're jumping on this thing biting it it's kind of fucked up and the hippo's just like getting mad like get off me bitch but they keep biting them and keep they can't kill it he's like armored and what they're doing is biting through his spine slowly that's how they're killing them they're they're choosing to pick a spot on his spine and they're pulling chunks of it out and he's like barely noticing that they're there that's not an animal you want to fuck with no but like as human beings we're actually quite vulnerable in the wild like our only protection is our brains oh yeah like we don't really have much going we don't have an exoskeleton or i always

say think about a fucking house cat think a house cat if a house cat wants to kill you could you imagine could you imagine what that's like have you ever been around a feral cat a wild cat yeah they're scary as fuck dude they're scary they're really terrifying i've been over around feral cats that i thought were going to attack me and it is a dangerous moment like where you're like this thing can do some fucking damage it can jump all the way up to your face easily a cat can easily jump right up to your face and bite your fucking face imagine a wild cat claws dig it into your head won't let go biting your face and kicking with its back leg that's absolutely

frightening and they're tiny they're tiny you saw my little cat my little spaz and what does she weigh she's like three pounds or something? I had a... But if she wanted to fuck me up, that would be terrifying. She'd kill you. In Boston. Scary. I lived in Boston for a summer one time, and I was staying with my friend on a first floor

apartment, and I slept on the couch, and the couch was right next to the first floor windows. They would open the window, and it had a screen, and there was a neighborhood, feral, crazy, maniac, fucking, like, emotionally unadjusted cat. That would, when I'm chilling, just laying there, it would jump up onto the screen and go like. Like that. And I would jump up. I would levitate. Like, jump up off the thing. And it would just sit there and scream with its claws in and a crazy look in its eye i would have fucking near heart attacks you know about that toxoplasma that parasite that

a lot of feral cats have it's in their nails yeah well it's in there no it's a it's a rat parasite it's it starts out in rats and it it hijacks a rat sexual reward system and gets these rats attracted to the smell of cat piss so the the rats go around the cats the cats eat the rats the cats get it and then the cats give it to people usually from feces from stepping in their shit or or dropping your food in their shit and you pick it up yeah and it affects human uh the human brain it affects the way people behave it makes men more impulsive. It's responsible for a disproportionate number of motorcycle

accidents. They check people that are crashing motorcycles and they find out that a lot of them are infected with this toxoplasma shit. And in Europe it's like really prevalent. Anywhere there's a lot of wild cats it's really prevalent. Like Europe and France, 80% of the people are infected with toxoplasma.

Yes, 80. In America, it's over 60 million. It's really crazy. But that cat might have had that. It might have been just nuts. I can't even describe how terrifying it was. I don't think they even mapped out the behavior, the behavioral change that it has in cats. Because I've only heard about the behavioral

change in humans and rats, which is really interesting. I've never heard anything. There's a guy named Robert Sapolsky that's the leading scientist on all this shit, and he's got some amazing videos on it. And he goes into depth about how they really are just sort of wrapping their head around this, the extent of the infiltration of this parasite into human beings. I mean, it might be like half the population of the earth are infected.

It's really crazy. Yeah. I mean, because in Brazil, it's 60%. In France, it's 80%. It's like, it's really high in a lot of different places in South America. It's, like I said, over 60 million. That's the estimate.

People don't even know. You know, we always talk about it. Like, we know, what if I had it? I was around a cat when I was young. I had a feral cat that i raised you know and uh brian's been around cats his whole life joey diaz has like 11 cats well joey has 11 cats and a lot of them were wild he used to take wild cats in and feed wild cats outside wait what could that do to you though we don't know fucks with your brain man your brain

yeah you know your immune system is supposed to keep most of it in check you know if you have a healthy immune system but they they don't know, really. I mean, it affects people in different ways. Gives you huge dicks. Yeah. Could you imagine everybody just racing and hanging around with cats? That would do it. That just gave you a huge, ruthless dick.

Imagine if it wasn't Viagra that you needed. It was just you've got to be around a lot of cat shit. Yeah. Guys would be eating cat shit by litter box. This is what happens, bro. Here's the good news and here's the bad news. The good news is be eating cat shit by litter box. So this is what happens, bro. Here's the good news and here's the bad news. The good news is

it makes your dick bigger and stronger. Okay, what's the bad news? The bad news is you become a crazy person. Your brain is eating itself. Your brain is like infected with a cat parasite.

Yeah. I heard a lot of people say this cat parasite is not that bad. If the positive was your dick got bigger and was hard at will if your dick was like a rhino horn that you could always call upon the uh that hippo story made me reminded me of that asshole with the bears oh grizzly man oh i love that

isn't that the best comedy ever yeah tommy and i saw that in the theater and we laughed so hard that kind of cemented our relationship there was a moment we watched that documentary in the theater and there's probably there's 40 or 50 people there and we kept we were the assholes they were like yeah like the whole time and then there was a scene well I'll never forget where they interviewed a pilot that would fly yeah Timothyothy out there and uh and the place is quiet and and uh we're sitting there watching and they go what did you think when you like would drop him off and he told you he was going to be with bears for months and the guy goes well

honestly you know i thought he was retarded and we laughed so loud and everybody in the theater was just like and when we where'd you guys see it we saw it in some lemley yeah the lemley oh god i i saw that in hollywood and the whole theater was laughing i saw it in a great theater everybody thought it was funny yeah i think i saw it with eddie we we were blazed of course and every moment of the movie was hilarity people were laughing it was like a goddamn comedy. When he was playing with the shit. Oh, look. This came out of her butt.

This came out of her butt. He's like, no, dude. It's beautiful. Yeah, that's... We watched it with some stuck up people for sure. You remember? We were laughing so hard and that place felt like... Is Pasadena stuffy? I think the Lemley crowd generally is there.

I need to move to Pasadena. Yeah? Be close to the ice house. Get myself a mansion out there. For sure. Shit, yeah. Edina's where it is there. I need to move to Pasadena. Be close to the ice house. Get myself a mansion out there. For sure. Edina's where it's at. I like it. It's what the San Fernando Valley

intended to be. I grew up in the valley. But they wanted it to be like Pasadena. Yeah, Pasadena's better. Some parts are good in the valley, but some are... Whenever we do the ice house, people are fucking really genuinely nice out here.

It doesn't feel like LA. It feels like a different town. The homeless people are all old ladies too there was no like homeless guys they're all old ladies and they make these like tent like these these forts and they're so nicely folded like blankets and cans are folded even sad shit dude it's really makes me feel really bad when i see some woman and you know i I see her out there on her own. I don't know why. Kills me. I don't like it. It doesn't make sense. I feel like some old guy, like take care of yourself stupid.

I see an old woman. Take care of yourself stupid. I see an old woman and I feel terrible. Don't you hate seeing old, like I'm talking older people doing like, like having like jobs. Look at your garbage. No,

no, like when you see like a, like a seven, like clearly somebody in their seventies, like just having any job really. your garbage. No, no. Having jobs. No, you see like a, clearly somebody in their 70s, just having any job really. Sometimes they like that though. My mom retired and then went back to work at a fucking Amish restaurant gift shop

just because she was bored out of her mind. Well, that's different. She's like getting like $6 an hour. You can see it on someone's face. You can see when they're like, I gotta do this to get by. Yeah, that sucks. get by you know yeah yeah that sucks well you know it sucks because you also imagine yourself doing that of course when you're tired and old and yeah you really should be resting and enjoying your last days

on this planet before you're fucking transitioning to the afterlife but now you got a fucking hat on you're working at chucky cheese you know hey kids kids, what do you want? Do you want a special? Do you want pizza? Do you want to try the daily double dose of cheese and poppers? But I felt bad for my parents' generation because they really got fucked in this recession. A lot of people that are planning on retiring can't do that now. They worked their whole goddamn life, and now what? Yeah, there's a guy who lives down the street from me that was trying to build a house.

He had a plot picked out, a really nice spot with a beautiful view and everything. And he was putting all his money towards this. And the fucking stock market crashed. All the bullshit went down. The economy shit the bed. He lost his savings. He lost everything. He lost the whole pile.

And you realize, too, that he just has this lot his beautiful lot that represents his his dreams his dreams yeah that will never take place and he's an older guy man he's not gonna be around that much longer that really sucks tells me dude there are people that retired at exactly the right moment you know i mean like there are people who got their money out when it was at its peak yeah and then there were people who like were like literally it's like a like a like a cliche uh like buddy cop movie like i'm retiring next year right yeah yeah you're like no that guy just from sticking around like till may or whatever it was like lost his net worth 50 60 and completely changed his fucking life yeah isn't that crazy although a lot of people planned on everything staying the same.

They're like, we just got it. We're just about to escape here. And boom, the floor falls out. And not only are you out of a job, not only do you no longer have a pension, but oh, guess what? You can't afford your house anymore. Oh, well, you're almost homeless. Oh, look at this.

Now you're sleeping at your friend's house. Like, holy shit. You have your kids and your wife and you're staying at someone else's house. And you're in their basement all huddled up together. And you're like, holy fuck, I can't find a job. Boom. That's real. That's what's happening to a lot of people, man.

There's a lot of people out there that it just stopped. Like the machine stopped. Everybody's like, what's going on? Where are the jobs? There are no jobs. There's no jobs? Have you been to Ohio? I mean, I do And everybody's like, what's going on? Where are the jobs? There are no jobs. There's no jobs? Have you been to Ohio? I mean, I do.

There's a few clubs in Ohio, like Toledo and Cleveland. Cleveland. I keep hearing about Cleveland. Yeah, and it's so sad because you just see it. There's nothing for people to do. Detroit, you really see it. Oh, yeah. I know no one talks about it, but I did Detroit twice this year.

And the club isn't actually improperroprietary but you fly in Ann Arbor that club no I did I did the comedy castle which is a suburb of it like it's Livonia or something

but you drive through and like the fucked up part is actually I think seeing the industry places that have closed like that used to be

this factory and then all the windows are broken out that's a place that like two thousand people or whatever used to work at. It's just gone. Well, you've ever seen those videos where they drive down whole huge, just mile after mile of abandoned houses.

It's like craziness. It really does look like some Mad Max shit. It looks like, what comes next? What is this like? This is a large scale. It goddamn detroit yeah detroit rock city it's where mustangs come from it's where corvettes come from what sort of the bowling green kentucky now but you know what i'm saying it's like that's where you know cars american cars were built my dad worked at the chrysler factory when we moved to canada that was his first job. The Chrysler factory.

I don't know if it's there anymore. I don't know. It's probably in Mongolia. Can I tell you what? I just heard this guy on NPR. He wrote a book about how this generation of kids, you know how your mom always told you, be a doctor, be a lawyer, be an accountant, because those jobs, you always have a job. Well, not now, because you can outsource that. You want your taxes done cheap, you can send them to a guy in India that knows tax law.

Same with everything else. So this generation, they're going to have to get creative in terms of how they think, create their own jobs, create their own way of making money. Those days are slowly dwindling down, those trade jobs. Yeah, well, also when you have the internet and you're sending files, it doesn't matter if you send a file to the accountant up the street or if you send a file to a guy on the other side of the world. Oh, yeah.

If he's willing to do it cheaper, yeah. It's a fucking very strange time. Just be a mechanic. A mechanic's good. The real problem is right now we are slowly being forced to live the reality that the rest of the world has been operating under for the past few decades. That's really what's going on. And everybody was like, you know, America is not a third world country.

Well, when everything becomes the same, guess what? A lot of it's going to be like a third world country. Because as we more interconnect with the rest of the world, and as our facade of an economy slowly evaporates into nothingness, we really are forced into a situation that looks eerily similar to what russia faced it was really yeah it looks really getting bettered at many things in different you know fields yeah i didn't i saw a thing about um highways and freeways and how like for a long time like we set the standard for like like we were the first like massive country to build like you can you think about it we don't we take it for granted that you can get in a car be like

i want to drive to montana you just get on any other city you want to go to louisiana you just take this way you know it's just it's like that and we've had like the best and like china is killing us in highways and freeway in quality in like in the number of them and where you can go in them, killing us. Or Dane says they kill us in cell phone coverage. He's like, you can be over there. He said you can be over there in the middle of nowhere in the woods and you've got five bars. God damn it.

Well, I haven't been to China, but I've been to South Korea. And, dude, their society is way more advanced, I feel like. Their internet is way more advanced. Their phones are more advanced. Oh, cleaner. They just have, I don't know, they're way ahead of us. They're crushing it. They buy a lot of shit with their phones.

That's just starting to come to phones now. There's a thing called Google Wallet. And Google Wallet is an app that allows you to go up to, when you go to the thing where you scan your credit card, you can look at it, and if it has sort of this logo on it, this Google Wallet sort of a logo, then what you do is you take the application, you pull it up on your Google phone,

press it, put it right up to that, and it automatically pays for your bill. So you don't even have to swipe a credit card. You don't have to sign shit. You just put in your code, press your phone right up to it, bang. So you don't have to have a phone. I mean, you don't have to have shit. You just put in your code, press your phone right up to it, bang. So you don't have to have a wallet with credit cards anymore eventually. Eventually everything you'll be able to buy with your phone.

I don't know if Google Wallet exists. Do you know, Brian, whether Google Wallet exists for the iPhone? I don't think so. No? I think it just takes you to it. I think you'd do it over a website, though. Oh, over a website. I don't know, though.

That's whack. You want to do it. That's so crazy. That's one knock that Google phones have over a website i don't know that's whack you want to do it that's one one knock that google phones have over the iphone if they have that because that's pretty dope once it comes into focus once it becomes a really popular thing that might make people sway from the iphone to the the droid phones getting the new studio one thing i thought was really interesting was that like home speeds for internet are capped at around what's the highest lately? Like 60 or is it even that? 30 megabytes?

I only get like 25. 25. But when I have to get a business account because it's a business space that I rent, the internet speeds are up to like 100 gigabytes or even more maybe. Really? The upload speeds are ridiculous too.

I think they were like 5 megabyte uploads instead of what i think i'm paying for two megabyte for the fastest for universe wow and it's like that's not even fair it's like i almost like if i am at home and i want to play games or be be able to pay for something like this uh i wish i would have to make my house a business almost or something i think you could probably do that i don't know if you can make your house a business you can't. I think you could probably do that. I don't know if you can make your house a business. You can't, can you? How is that possible? No, I mean, just list it as a business. Can you do that?

Get out of your house? You would have to not live there, though. I mean, I don't think it works that way. I don't know if it's the same. If you have a home office, I think that's still a home. Right. I don't know, though. I mean, your building might have been wired differently, too, though.

You have to take that into account. That's a building. That's a commercial building. I mean, when they wired it, they might have been wired differently, too, though. You have to take that into account. That's a building. That's a commercial building. I mean, when they wired it, they might have wired it. I don't know what the story is about what is keeping you from getting the highest internet. That's weird, though. It's weird because I live very close to it, and I checked it. I wonder if it's something like they can't offer it to that many people, like the bandwidth isn't there.

Yeah, that's a good point. That could be it be yeah because people would be just downloaded a million movies all day yeah has anybody ever gone to jail for stealing movies yeah i don't know what's that one movie the one the boring ass movie where they're like picking up bombs whatever that movie was it won all those awards where it's like there that that oh hurt locker the hurt locker those guys like i guess went after like tons of people uh like 25 000 people or something ridiculous like that uh and they just dropped a lot of them the other day so they're still getting suing people that downloaded their movie illegally really and that it's weird that the production company actually is the one going after them so the production company they somehow or another find out who has put these things online for download and then they they attract they attack

them yeah they pretty much uh tell like you know certain how do they tell could they tell by who uploaded it is that what it is yeah i guess you know that what they do is they can uh check the the ips get from the torrents and stuff like that and then they would have to sue like you know charter or whoever they made an example out of some kid a couple of years ago wasn't like a kid and his mom and they were like i mean even though everybody had downloaded songs they went after some kid and they were like you owe like 380 000 because it's this amount per song yeah but then they you know i think they they settled with them out of court but it was they were doing that clearly just to get publicity for the case

and make it seem like, don't you dare dream of doing this. It is kind of weird, man. It's such a weird gray area, whether or not something that you bought and you paid for, whether you could distribute it. For music, it's really interesting how these paid companies like Spotify and Rhapsody and stuff like that really, in my opinion, have stepped in. I don't really download music much anymore because now I just pay $10 a month for Spotify

and I fucking listen to it as much as I want to. It's like a jukebox of every single song. Yeah, but don't you have to be online to get that? Not all the time. I think you can save songs to your device. I haven't really fucked around with it too much on that part. I think you could also save songs. If you pay ten dollars a day it will download it inside the app and then it will it needs to at least connect to make sure that you're a member still and then

it makes all the songs work that's annoying that's too complicated i'd rather get things on itunes i get my shit on it how do you feel about like your content though you know what man um i think you know what i do is very different because first of all as a comedian when you though you know what man um i think you know what i do is very different because first of all as a comedian when you're you know when you're releasing your information or when you're releasing your material rather if you're putting on a cd or a dvd or something you're essentially putting out uh an advertisement and you're essentially putting out a uh an example of your work that you're proud of that that you want people to see and enjoy. Yeah.

And yeah, you want to be compensated for it. Yeah, you want to make money for it. But the way I roll is that if I've ever downloaded anything illegally, I have always bought it if I liked it. Always. Really? Always, yeah. And even bought it.

I've bought some things that I didn't like just because I felt guilty because I couldn't get it legally when I wanted to, so I had to get it some other way. There's no way most people do that, though. Yeah, I have a problem. I can't litter. If I drop something on the ground, I have to get it. That's good. I'll have to run after it if the fucking wind is blowing.

God damn it, I'll have to fucking chase after this little piece of paper. It could be a gum wrapper. Really? Yeah. That's nice. I don't like leaving behind a problem. It bugs me. I don't like leaving behind a problem.

It bugs me. So when I look at the idea of littering psychically, the idea of littering with your consciousness, that you do shitty little things and you take them for granted, and then you have these little things curled up in a fucking corner, these little crumpled up papers of ideas and consciousness that's littered your fucking head. I don't like it. So if a

band is good if i buy you know if somebody sends me to a youtube link and i go wow it's a fucking badass song and then there's a download link somewhere on some site where you're not supposed to go to and i download it and i like it i always buy it that's great i always buy it i think you have to i think you're supposed to i don't really download any i mean everything i have i bought i buy on it. Yeah. I mean, even then. I mean, like, say if I found something illegal, I'll search to find it legally. I'll buy it on Amazon, you know?

Yeah. You guys touching each other? He touched his leg to my leg. Yeah. It was accidental. I'm sorry. What's up with that? I bumped it. I'm sorry.

Joe, have you heard about Gene Simmons' kid? What happened? What? There was news I read this morning. Want another beer? Can I have your beer? Yeah, sure. Thanks. He news I read this morning. Want another beer? Can I have your beer? Yeah, sure. Thanks.

He's a comic book artist. You want a cold one? You want a cold? Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, shit. Thank you, Morgan. Do you have another one, Joe?

Nope. Ah, sucker. Who is this? So Gene Simmons' kid. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he does comic books.

He does manga. Oh, yeah. I think it's called uh japan japanese style anime and uh thanks man yeah his son real nice guy we actually met him once yeah i met the improv but there's this uh they they outed him uh for just completely tracing a japanese comic uh book artist and like like they have these like lineups where where they show face on top of face where they overlay it and it's exactly him. He's a young kid though.

How old is he? Is he 19 or 20, isn't he? He's young. I don't know if he's 19 or 20. I don't know the whole story. I don't know if the comic's an old comic because I know... I used to draw comics just for fun. I know that there's been many times where I'd like I liked like how spider-man was posing or

something like that so I would like trace his pose right yeah you know how you learn how to draw yeah yeah so I wonder if you see an art student or is he trying to sell these things that's where yeah I think he sells them I think he's pretty successful it's kind of hard to get away from that one like a trace the shit so the Japanese artist on his twitter today uh you know was confused at first but then uh he uh said something like i'm more surprised that gene simmons's kid does comics or something like that i can't remember but so he knows about it he didn't seem that angry wow how did he not seem angry at that i don't know you know very polite

japanese people i have no yeah i always feel that stealing, though, is that, like, especially with jokes, it's like, well, I can always write another one. It sucks to have your shit. Yeah. I could see it happening more in comic books just for people that like. Why are you doing that? I guess he took a lot, though. The comic was called Bleach.

He was in a band for a little while. Was he? Yeah. Yeah. I remember he, on, I watched the show and uh on the reality show his band was playing somewhere and then his father like flew a flyer out of a plane showing his son's bands playing somewhere and you know making a big deal out of it wow this is crazy wow are you seeing that so it's the kid it's the kid that's on that show. Side-by-side analysis is pretty fucking damning.

Yeah, he's old enough to know. I mean, it is. It's not just tracing it. I mean, it's like... Straight-up taking almost. Some of it is not tracing. This one's not tracing, but it's very obvious where the idea came from. This is bad, man.

This is sad. I miss the Osbournes. Draw your i love that show i like that family some of them are a bit of a stretch there's a few of them here that are a bit of a stretch because that is a style what did you look up how do you look it up uh just google uh gene simmons kid comic book trace. I don't know. Well, it definitely looks like there's no doubt about the idea that he was influenced. Unquestionably, he was influenced, but there's a bunch of these pictures that are a real stretch. Joe, did you see what that guy on your message board said?

That he, for a living, buys Google ads all the time. And we always joke about like how i always put butthole at the end of google searches so he was making it targeting california for the words butthole on the end of any kind of sentence uh and it just is something like hey red man stop saying butthole or look searching for really as a google ad on the site google took it down because he used the word butthole. You can't say butthole for Google. For ads, I guess. I bet you could sell missiles.

Yeah, this is crazy, man. This is weird to watch. He really did trace this stuff. Can I see? Yeah. How sad. He can. They even show an overlay.

They show his original image. Here it says, look, traced it. That really sucks. It's fucking sad. This is something, that's something that's really hard to recover from.

Well, as an artist, yeah. Yeah, it appears like he's just made a career doing this. Like,

he's decided to try to make a career doing it this way. Traced it. Alright, well, looks like you're gonna have to borrow

some more money from dad for a while. Well, I don't know, man. You know, you want to give people the doing it this way. Trace. All right. Well, it looks like you're going to have to borrow some more money from Dad for a while. Well, I don't know, man. You know, you want to give people the benefit of the doubt. Who knows? It seems pretty shitty, though. Yeah. Sucks.

It sucks to hear, right? I know. Maybe he was just horsing around, you know? Well, horse play? Yeah, he was just doing horse play. around you know well why would people think you're plagiarizing you'd have to ask them don't ask me that you'd have to ask them i was just horsing around have you heard the new fad that that's a real problem in high schools is that teens are using vodka soaked tampons to get drunk that's uh oh i've heard that with animals isn't that a no no no this is real there's news stories about it go ahead look up the news girls are uh doing this in high school they're they're soaking uh they're soaking tampons

with vodka and sticking them in their pussy and they're they're uh inserting uh beer bongs in their assholes. Really? You can totally die. There's no liver to filter out. People are nuts. You gotta go for it. Apparently this is what this vodka tampon thing does. Should we try it? Look up teen get the video

teen using vodka soaked tampons to get drunk. Teens using vodka soaked tampons to get drunk. If you're in school. Teens using vodka-soaked tampons to get drunk. If you're listening, go for it, man. Try the whole bottle. You can die. This is the problem. The alcohol is going right in your bloodstream.

It's like shooting IV blood. You can take things rectally. There's this girl. I can't. She goes by the name of Neuro Soup on YouTube. She has a website called Neuro Soup, I think. She's kind of a famous person in the psychedelic community because at one

point in time she was living with this guy that was this gigantic LSD dealer, like the biggest LSD dealer in the world. She was a stripper. There's a really interesting thing on Vice.com, a video where they interview her and they talk about the crazy times that she's been through. One of her videos online is her

taking DMT anally. She takes DMT and sticks it in her asshole and trips for like an hour. Wow, indeed. That video's out there? What's wrong with good old-fashioned, the old-fashioned? I guess she wanted to go for a longer ride.

The old-fashioned way only lasts for about 15 minutes at the most. What about LSD? You could put that up your ass, too. You could use it to put it in my eyes. Well, Jimi Hendrix, the legend is that Jimi Hendrix used to put it on his bandana. And as he was sweating, it would enter into his pores. Wow. That sounds so fake.

Yeah. I've heard of it being in socks and people sweating into their cysts like accidentally. I don't know if that's true or not, but I'm sure it could happen. Yeah, I'm sure that makes sense. Raining out a dead show

is always interesting seeing people. Well, didn't that happen with, who was the creator of LSD? Oh, Dr. LSD. Dr. Guy. Wait, wait. No, the one that was like the guru, right? Talking about Leary? No, no, no. Me like god damn it i can't remember his name

talking about leary or no no no i don't know i don't know i forget the fucking guy's name god damn it but anyway uh i believe the first time dennis leary no it's his fucking name it is albert hoffman and then albert hoffman when he um invented it i i believe uh it happened That was the catalyst for all this. Albert Hoffman. Albert Hoffman. Albert Hoffman. And then Albert Hoffman, when he invented it, I believe it happened by accident. And if I'm not incorrect, I think he got it on his hands or something. I forget how he was initially exposed to it. I forget the story.

But I'm pretty sure the first time, it was like he got it on something and was like, what the fuck is going on Joe have you done acid before no I've never done acid I've only done

mushrooms salvia DMT vodka tampons you know some of the craziest experiences I've ever had is from eating pot

some of the most intense psychedelic experiences I've ever had is eating pot I've told her I'm sure I should share some stories alright just when you think you've heard it all when it comes pot. I've told her. I'm sure I should share some stories. All right, just when you think you've heard it all when it comes to teens,

and I have one, so I'm paying attention to this. Those teens. This one might have you saying, wait, what? It's in my ass. What these teenagers are turning to to get that quick buzz is pretty scary. That quick buzz. Elizabeth Irwin is here with a straight story. Oh, boy, Elizabeth.

I've got to tell you, Stephen and Catherine, two things I never thought would appear in the same sentence. Listen to this. T tampons and vodka do I have your attention good because if you're a parent you really she's so uptight she went home immediately stuffed the whole bottle vodka up her asshole Sally I'm doing it right now my asshole this is every rock when we heard how kids are I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW. I'M DRUNK. WHEN WE HEARD HOW KIDS ARE

GETTING DRUNK THESE DAYS, WE THOUGHT NO WAY. SO WE HIT UP THE EXPERTS TO FIND OUT IF IT'S AN URBAN LEGEND OR IF IT'S LEGIT. THERE'S BEEN DOCUMENTED CASES OF PEOPLE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL WITH ALCOHOL POISONING JUST FROM

UTILIZING IT THAT WAY. OFFICER CHRIS THOMAS SPENDS HIS DAYS PATROLLING THE HALLS OF A VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL. HE'S HEARD FIRSTHAND HOW KIDS ARE GETTING TIPSY. WHAT WE'RE HEARING ABOUT IS TEENAGERS USING THEIR HANDS TO

PUT THEIR HANDS ON THEIR CHILDREN. THEIR HANDS ARE PUT ON THEIR CHILDREN'S HANDS. THEY'RE NOT USING THEIR HANDS TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON THEIR just from utilizing it that way. Officer Chris Thomas spends his days patrolling the halls of a Valley High School. He's heard firsthand how kids are getting tipsy. What we're hearing about is teenagers utilizing tampons, soaking them in vodka first before using them. You heard right. Teens taking tampons, soaking them in vodka. Goddamn teens. And inserting them there. It gets absorbed directly into their pussy.

She can't even say vagina. She says there. That's how terrified we are of anything sexual in America. It's unbelievable. There. Her no-no hole. They'll insert them into their rectums. Guys will do it too.

All right. To where she comes out of. So I found how acid was invented. Yeah, it was an accident. While resynthesizing LSD, Hoffman accidentally absorbed a small amount of it through his fingertips and serendipitously discovered the powerful effects. He said, this is his exact words, affected by a remarkable restlessness combined with a slight dizziness.

At home, I lay down and sank into a not unpleasant, intoxicated-like condition characterized by an extremely stimulated imagination. In a dreamlike state with eyes closed, I found the daylight to be unpleasantly glaring. I perceived an uninterrupted stream of fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense kaleidoscope play of colors. After some two hours in this condition, faded away. Wow.

Let's do acid now. So then he decided to take it on his own. So this was by accident. And then what he did is he took it on his own and tried to ride home on his bike. Isn't that hilarious? That's the best. He called it bicycle day. The guy gave himself

0.25 milligrams, which is 250 micrograms. That's a fucking heavy dose. I don't know what that is. The actual threshold dose is only 20 micrograms. Threshold dose, what does that mean?

That means you feel it. You feel it at 20 micrograms. Oh, okay. So that's the intoxication threshold. It's 20 micrograms. He takes 250. Shazam, son!

I've never found it from anybody I trust. I got some from this guy that was friends with Andy Dick and he was out of his fucking mind, this guy,

and he's like, really wanted me to take it. Come on, man, take it. I'm like, nope, nope, not gonna happen. Just get liquid. Even getting liquid,

you gotta know who the hell you're getting it from, man. You gotta know that people are taking it consistently. You really should fucking have it tested. Really, what it should be is fucking legal, and there should be LSD-like institutes where you go and, hey, do you want to really know who you are?

Sit down. I mean, it's all chemically similar to each other. Have you? All like DMT, LSD, mushrooms, they're all really close. What is DMT exactly? chemically simple or chemically uh similar to uh to each other have you all like dmt lsd mushrooms they're all really close exactly dimethyl here we go sorry i don't know i'm not the kids these days google on your phone i did acid as a kid i'm an acid and meth he said here we go because there's a video of me talking about it it's got like a billion billion hits um and we've talked about it on the podcast a hundred times it's it's it's a psychedelic chemical but it's one your own brain

makes gotcha oh i'm sorry but all the really powerful ones like lsd when you know lsd and uh dmt and mushrooms they're all real similar they're like chemical cousins you know so it's it's interesting that those are the super potent ones and they're really close to what your own brain makes naturally. LSD? I don't know, man, because I've taken that a lot, and my brain does not function. Did you ever take it through your asshole? No, I took it at Lollapalooza when I was 14 years old,

and I was goth. You were goth back then? Yeah, I had retainers and a velvet dress. Oh, shit. And Susie and the Banshees came on, and I did at the same time, and I threw my retainers across the field at Irvine Meadows. Wow. And I had to leave, and that was the end of that.

Did you ever read about how the CIA tested honesty on people? Oh, sure, yeah. There's videos. How about the town in France where they dosed the whole town and put it in their bread and people killed themselves? What? Oh, yeah, in the 1950s. Really? Yeah, they doused the whole town. They just in their bread and people killed themselves. What? Oh, yeah, in the 1950s. Really?

Yeah, they doused the whole town. They just experimented on a town in France. The Americans? Yep, CIA. Freedom of Information Act, it's all available now. There's a lot of creepy shit they do that really truly defines what the government is all about. A lot of people think the government is just us

working in a different job. It's not. It's people that have a history of being ruthless, a a history of being ruthless and that's how you get to that position in the first place but the experiments they did on on people are just fucking horrendous now what was the utility of lsd initially it was well they really they thought it was going to be a truth serum yeah oh i thought it was to make that's why they wanted to use it no no that's why they do they give them steroids for that. Oh, okay. Steroids and meth.

That is... Crystal meth is what the Japanese invented that for getting fucking planes to crash into boats. So you've got to be all methed up to do that. Are they all methed up, really? Yeah. Yeah, that's where crystal methadrine was invented. And now you can just drive trucks on it.

Have you ever been around people that are on meth uh in high school i grew up here around here actually in your neighborhood and that was the drug of my generation was meth and then rave culture so everyone was dropping tons of e and taking meth uh cocaine not so much in lsd that's my generation once i tried it and i don't i don't like how like just just do coke coke is so much classier what did Matthew do for you you fucking stay up for days making collages

and moving furniture it's utter chaos wow making collages I need to do that why do you go before you make collages because that's how I felt

you know because you're just so fired up you're like I'm gonna do something but there's nothing at least for me I couldn't be constructed. Just once, once. I've never done Adderall.

I don't like it. But from what I understand, Adderall and meth, they're like cousins as well. I would say Adderall is more like cocaine. Because even when I did Adderall, I felt like I was getting drips and cocaine symptoms. Was that psychological, psychosomatic? Whatever it triggered was the same

fucking neighborhood as cocaine. Don't the drips come from actually snorting the cocaine? How did you take your Adderall? It felt like it. No, I snorted it. No, no, no. I've snorted Adderall also. You have snorted Adderall? A lot of people do that. Really? They crush it up. Wow.

We know a guy who was... I tell the story now on stage of the guy who used to drive us. Oh, my God. To the airport. This was our driver. Yeah. Like, a regular guy, because we go to the airport so often, we use this, you know, we found, like, a cheaper car service.

It's easier than dealing with, like, driving and parking. Right. And, like, he was, you know, like a cheap ride, basically. Older guy and, like, all white hair and like he was uh you know it was like a cheap ride basically older guy and like all white hair and was really professional and then like after like 10 rides one of those things where like you want you know when somebody's like mr rogue and mr and you finally go you can call me joe right it was like that kind of thing where i was like it's tom he's like it's tom i'm like yeah he's like cool hey man let me ask you something like everything changed as soon as i said like you don't have to be professional with me.

Oh, my God. And he goes, can I ask you something? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, do you smoke weed? And I was like, yeah. I mean, I guess, yeah. He's like, do you want to smoke some now? And I was like, really?

It's like 5 in the morning. Yeah, and he's driving. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, all right. And then. You said, yeah, right? Yeah. OK, driver. Yeah, that's exactly what was in my head.

I'm comfortable with you in my life. And then he goes, he starts smoking, and then he goes, I can't drive unless I'm fucked up. That's a quote. Oh, my God. This is like a scene in a movie. I swear to God. This is like a scene in a Seth Rogen movie. I swear to God.

I swear to God. And then this is on Judd Apatow. It is, man. I swear to God. And he's old as shit yeah he's like 80 isn't he really oh he's like he's like 70s and then he goes and then he's like there's more like this particular it is early he drives fast he's like one of these i've been driving 50 years in la we gotta take this street and that's great and i was like you know i was basically like keep it together man and he was like he was like I've been up since three. And I'm like, he's all behind shit.

And I start asking him, I'm like, have you done other drugs? He's like, oh, buddy, buddy. Like, I've done it all. And I was like, really? He's like, coke, heroin. He's like, there's nothing like smoking rocks. Swear to God. And I was like.

He's like 70? Yeah. And he is flying through El Barrio, through the old neighborhood. Yeah, he's living in the ghetto. Oh, my God. And so this is an El Salvadorian neighborhood. And every, like, we're going through lights, and he's like, look at that little brown one right there. Oh, my God.

He was married to a Peruvian, and then he had, like, an El Salvadorian girlfriend. He's like, I love these little brown ones. He had one on the side? Yeah, well, and he had, oh, he has, like, five girlfriends. And they're all, like, 20. And he's 70? Yeah. And they had all his like five girlfriends and they're all like 70 yeah and they were all like 20s oh yeah so wait but now when he'd be like like we drive through the ghetto and be like that's where i used to buy my crack there like he was pointing out where this neighborhood's got the good stuff yeah i swear to god so we're in the we're driving around and i go uh i go oh i go well can I ask you something now that we're friends, I guess?

He's like, yeah, shoot. I was like, what's it like to smoke crack? And he goes, oh, man. He's like, what I like to do when I smoke crack is I'll just sit in my apartment. Wait a minute, stop. Stop. Don't say anything. Hold on.

Did he say porn? He watches porn. No. No? Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry he goes I like to I like to look through the people and I look around

at what the fuck's and I think I see all this shit I think about what's gonna happen next I see people walking by and I just kind of fucking freak out you know

and I was like this sounds terrible man and he was like it's part of the rush that's the rush you know what the fuck's gonna happen next you look through the people to see if the people are going to come get you.

That's his rush. I had to stop you because everybody says, everybody that I've ever talked to that smokes crack says they watch porn. Oh. No, well, Henry did say, I invited this girl over and we fuck like animals. Oh, yeah. Like he would have. Yeah, he did say that.

Did I say his name? He would have. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry, I didn't say his last name I'm sorry I didn't say his last name Henry the Ape so the best is I swear this is exactly how it goes

I go so do you still do that shit? and he goes nah man well you know every once in a while but you know what they say if you do something every once in a while it's not that bad for you and i go i think they mean that about like pizza like chocolate

and he's like ah it's not a big deal buddy i swear to god every once in a while well do you remember when the mayor of of washington dc got caught smoking mary and barry yeah with an fbi agent in a fucking hotel room or an informant. She was being a prostitute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember that shit? He was smoking crack. And running the nation's capital.

Yeah. And then when they asked people about it, the greatest thing was after he got caught, this guy, I remember this guy on TV, they say, what do you think about the mayor

getting caught smoking crack? He goes, man, everybody smoke a little crack every now and then. Every now and then. He said, everybody smoke a little crack every now and then. Every now and then. He said, everybody smoke a little crack every now and then. This guy was on TV. He's like, come on, man.

Stop playing. You're being ridiculous. Why you stop playing? Who doesn't? Who doesn't smoke crack? Everybody smokes some crack every now and then. Smoke racks. I was on Opie and Anthony, and he was in the hallway.

No. Yeah, we were in the serious studios. So there's a big window. You could see who's walking down the hallway. And Marion Barry was walking down the hallway no yeah we were in the serious studios you know so there's but there's a big window you could see who's walking down the hallway and mary and barry was walking down the hallway so uh one of the interns from the opiate anthony show or maybe it was was it eric who was it i think it was iraq here he went out and grabbed him grabbed mary and barry and brought him into one of the most hostile radio shows in the history of the fucking human race these guys are the best yeah

so yeah he sits m sits Mary and Barry in there and we just start asking him questions about getting caught with crack. And one of the things he said was like, nobody knows what was in that pipe. I'm like, what? That's you. You were smoking this crack pipe.

That's him saying I wasn't doing it? And I'm like, but there was a video where you were smoking crack. He goes, nobody knows what was in that pipe. Like, wow. Wow, still denying it.

Political. How political. Yeah, very. He's still got a career he's still out there he is making it happen really yeah he's out there he was running for something he became mayor again yeah and he also didn't become mayor again but he also he ran for something during the last elections i forget what it was something maybe well you know what man a lot of what being a fucking mayor is about is not what you do with your freak time. It's about what you do with the rest of your time.

And they felt like he was actually representing them. So he was out there just keeping it real. What did he get on this motherfucking man? I think, isn't Ted? What? I just want to face that child's butt. I'm about to smoke a little crack even now, man. I'll never forget that guy.

He was annoying. Man, come on with this. What is this nonsense? Isn't Ted Haggard back doing some religious stuff? Yeah, not only is he back, but he's brilliant in the way he approaches it. That everyone in his whole thing, oh, we have drug dealers and prostitutes and everybody looking to be saved. It's like we've all lost our way, but God is still there, and I'm still going to lead you to God. Okay, but he's not gay, right?

He's gay as fuck. He's still married? He's still married, but he's gay as fuck. Of course he's gay, yeah. He's gay as fuck. Of course. He's just, you know, he's just fighting it. That shit you just watch.

Spraying the gay away. Don't you watch that documentary and you see him with his wife and they're like, they're driving, they're just trying to get an apartment. He's like, but he's like, as he's talking, you're like, man, you would be so much happier if you would just get up and be like, I'm totally gay. I'll see you later. Just go be happy, man. You don't have to be that miserable. Well, there's that, but there's also

the intoxication of being a leader. Yeah, he loves it. He's too addicted to that. He's addicted to that. A lot of the behavior is not genuine. A lot of what his behavior is, is he's behaving the way he thinks people were are going to accept the way he thinks people are going to find admirable and how you know it's like his his real behavior like he's not being honest with himself and if he's not being honest with himself

how the fuck could he be honest with other people he's gaining control in all these other people's lives you know and fighting off the lack of control he has in his own you know he needs to be like a leader of a church he needs to be the man speaking right meanwhile he's like crazy oh he's a hypocritical piece of shit and he's homophobic meanwhile he's you know smoking meth and getting gay hookers right that's the worst kind of hypocritical ones all the congressmen all the righteous men absolutely All the guys that tell you how to live. Absolutely. And criticize you for how you live. Why would you care?

Of course. If you, look, I might not want to live on Santa Monica Boulevard while the fucking gay parade is going on. Nobody in LA does. I don't want it to be so that I can't drive into my driveway without tripping over dudes fucking each other on my lawn. I don't want it to be that bad. Can you imagine tripping over boners? That'd be so weird.

Everywhere you go, they pop out of the ground. You lived in San Francisco? I did. You almost do. You pretty much do. But even that Rick Santorum, that piece of human shit, too. Who is that? He's running for the Republican candidate.

He's a huge homophobic piece of human garbage. Oh, is he? He's probably, yeah. Of course. He also wants to make, Oh, is he? He's probably gay. Of course. He also wants to make, not only is he really anti-gay, not just abortion, he wants to take away birth control.

He doesn't want to make, because he said that's not what it's for. If you're using birth control, like you're not, you're pregnant. Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you, stupid? Well, you know,

it's people with their priorities that are so out of whack. Like, why would you even be interested in that? Why would that be what you want to control? Why do you give a shit? Why do you care? You want to take away

birth control, you crazy asshole? You want to make it easier for people to get pregnant accidentally? Exactly. Because that's God's will. Morons, man.

But why does he even care about what the gays are doing? Because he wants some gay dick. Yeah, exactly. Fighting off the gay. Tooth and nail, right? I don't even think about it. He's a real motherfucker,

that guy. All day. All day, all night. Just clawing off that gay, trying to push it back. Just saying, I want dicks. I want dicks.

It's a sad thing when you see these poor fucking people suppressing people. You know, what do you think about this Occupy Wall Street shit? I haven't talked to you about this. What's your take on all this?

I think it's great that a group of people want to feel this way about there's a lot of inequality. I think it's great collectively. The problem, the real flaw in Occupy Wall Street and these things is that there's not a clear set of what... They're trying to achieve it almost like this you know uh over like let's just do this collectively as a site we're making a statement about being the 99 and you guys the one percent has and we're the have-nots but

i think it would have been more effective if they had had like a clear list of like this is what we want to accomplish and it was it's more i feel like having watched it from outside I'm not an expert on it by any means but it just feels like it's more of a statement you go oh yeah mm-hmm it makes people aware but there isn't really like you know course of action there's not really I mean what do we do you know I think everybody's trying to figure that out for sure so I guess it I think you know it's interesting and I think the the message really is this if I feel like what i get from it is if is if you really could get a lot and i mean a ton of people behind a certain idea you can affect change we're not

going to see i don't think we're seeing a lot of change from the entire occupy movement but the idea it kind of lays out for you that they could take over a park or a square or a street and disrupt that day's normal function. If you were to magnify that, if you were to multiply the number of people there, and you really had people saying, we are not going to stand for this,

it leads me to believe that you could affect change. Sure, look at the 60s. I mean, there was a whole culture. Well, you know, that's what's really interesting is that this has only been around for, what, 90 days or something like that? Something like that, yeah. And they did a recent poll.

More than half of America supports the Occupy Wall Street movement. Right, because they're not going to participate. Yeah, but during the Vietnam War, it took five years to achieve those same numbers. It took a long time of protesting before people really thought that the war was a bad idea You know people in the 1950s Had convinced everybody that communism was gonna be a real problem

And you know we were looking for communists in our own society and they were arresting people during the McCarthy era and stuff like that You know and I think during the 60s people were a tad naive to you know How really fucked up and creepy the government could be. We had just gone a couple generations, or I mean rather a couple decades from World War II ending. So I think a lot of people thought that the government was just and our army was strong and we fought off the Nazis and we fought off the Japs and we're fucking America

and we're not cunts. And then this whole, you know. We're not cunts. I like that motto. The Gulf of Tonkin incident happened and we were brought into a war. There was no fucking reason to be in Vietnam for any American idea. For anything that any people here that would have

supported, they lied to us. They lied to people. They claimed we were attacking. We weren't. They made up bullshit. So I think the people today, we're aware of all these things in much larger numbers. To this day, I bet a lot of people don't realize that the impetus for us getting into the Vietnam War was a hoax. I bet a lot of people aren't aware to this day

of Operation Northwoods or all the plans. There was plans to blame if space program things went wrong. There was plans to blame it on the cubans and attack cuba there was a bunch of different plans to blame things on cubans and attack cubans yeah there was a they were trying really hard to figure out a way to go to war with cuba cuba to the point where they were gonna fake attacks on american civilians they're gonna fake they're gonna armed cuban friendlies to lob mortars at guantanamo

bay and attack guantanamo Bay. I mean, it's some crazy shit. It really is crazy. Which, by the way, Guantanamo Bay, that's pretty fucking crazy, too. When you think of these people that are enemies, one of them has a giant military base on your fucking country. That is nuts. I've been there. Have you really?

Yeah, I've been there. What the hell is that like, dude? Well, the first thing that strikes you, really, is that it's so beautiful. Really? And that's kind of the thing that stands out to you is you imagine, like, I'm going to a military base that also has one of the world's most notorious prison camps. And it's all in underdeveloped Caribbean waters. Don't they have crazy rats or something? Well, they do.

The banana rat would fucking blow your mind. Banana rat? You've got to look it up. You've got to look it up. They're all over the island. Banana rat? Look it up. They're all over the island, and you shit when you first see them.

Really? Yeah. They have guys. Holy shit. Oh, my God. They're all over the place. That's a proper reaction to that. Yeah.

Look at the size of this fucking thing. Didn't you say that Castro could see? Oh, there's some really cool stuff. Yes. They're actually kind of cute for a rat. I'd rather take a banana rat than a white rat. Here's how bad the problem is. Fucking big, dude.

There's guys on base that are not even military guys. They got hired. They give them a.22. And their job is, at at night you just drive around, you shine a light, and you just shoot. Oh, yeah, I've seen this. I've seen this before. Are they like, it's not the same as a Nutria, is it?

They're not exactly the same, no. Look at this picture. Tell me when you shoot that. You shoot it, man. Oh, my God, it's weird. When you shoot that thing, you shoot it. It's like those weird things on Half-Life. That thing wants to eat your babies, bro. Tell you that right now. That thing God, that's weird. When you shoot that thing, you would shoot it. It's like those weird things on half-life. That thing wants to eat your babies, bro.

Everywhere. I'll tell you that right now. That thing wants to eat a baby. That fucking rat, if you left it alone with a baby, it would slowly eat its feet. Fuck yeah, it would.

It would eat your baby's feet. This thing's a creepy-ass rat. You see the coastline and you see the water and you see, it's basically, how much of the Caribbean is underdeveloped?

You basically see what the island looked like 500 years ago. Brian, look at this picture. You get a better picture of this one. This is a big ass fucking animal. Look at that thing. You know that they got me one night and they made me scream.

A high pitched scream. You know Dan Smith, the comedian Dan Smith? Yeah. I was there with him and a couple other guys, Mal Hall and what's his name? Patrick DeGere. We were all there. And we get out of this van and they had talked about, oh, we pull up in the van. They're like, there's a banana rat right there.

And the lights of the van are on. So we get out of the van and we all walk kind of close. And they told us, you know, they eat vegetables or like the shrub. They're not like predatory. So we sleep. But it's still a gross massive thing so i sneak up and i'm kind of like you know i'm still like six feet from it and right as i squat down to like look and kind of squint my eyes dan runs his fingers up my my neck like this and goes like oh there it is and i go i scream and like i'm terrified of this fucking

thing it is the grossest looking thing. And it's massive. It's like a fucking dog, man. It's a rat the size of a dog. You jump. I mean, they're gross. Terrifying and gross. Joe, stop masturbating when Tom's talking.

I have to relieve myself. What was that? I was on some military base. The fear. The fear's making me. Up in Tura County. And they had like yeah what do they have feral raccoons you couldn't feed them they're just like everywhere really i don't know because

you know there's there's a military friendly i did i didn't know that they were dangerous you thought what was friendly raccoons i didn't i never grown up with raccoons i live in the la huge problem with a raccoon when i lived in new york i lived in new rochelle where's that where new rochelle is is right outside the Bronx. It's like a suburb. When I moved to New York, I couldn't afford to live in the city. When you live in the city,

it's much more expensive. So I lived in the suburbs and I drove. And I needed a car anyway because I drove to gigs and I had to have a place where I could park my car because there's no way I could afford to live in an apartment in New York

and have a parking spot. You have to buy a parking spot somewhere. It's fucking brutal. It's really expensive. So I had to pull down this driveway, and I would stop my car right in front of the garbage cans. And when I would come home at night, it was fucking terrifying because these raccoons were big. They were really big, and they were really well fed because they were just fucking people's garbage cans up left and right Because you know

You're dealing with house after house after house And garbage can after garbage can after garbage can So they're just eating constantly And they know exactly where the food is So they pull the tops off that bitch Throw that motherfucker on the ground They pull them to the ground And I get out of my car

And this motherfucker is looking at me like Fucking back is up and. And I get out of my car, and this motherfucker's looking at me like, fucking back is up and shit. Yeah. And I'm thinking, if this thing charges me, I'm fucked. I'm dead. So I got a blowgun. And, you know, like with darts.

Okay. A blowgun. A bladder knob. Oh, okay. Where'd you get that at? Like tranquilizer. I got it at a gun show. That's weird. I went to a gun show.

That was the only thing you get if you don't have a license for a gun how fun so i got a blow gun did you ever say these motherfuckers must have known i had a blow gun i swear to god he never came back really really yeah that raccoon never came it's almost like he sensed something predatory he sensed i was laying a trap for his ass or he just found some fat people down the hall had some awesome garbage. Yeah. Got their garbage every night. It's pizza crust. Fuck yeah, we got the spot.

I never saw that raccoon again, but he was fucking huge, man. I know people in Florida that would go hunting with semi-automatic machine guns to hunt raccoons. Oh my God. Flashlights and then with like AR-15s. Does that really count? Florida is so crazy. It is the craziest place.

Florida is not the South. No, it's not. It's not the South and it's not the North. It's the southernmost part of the United States but it's not considered the South. Yeah.

Isn't that amazing? The South doesn't even want to have anything to do with Florida. The only time the South wants anything to do with Florida is when you go, well, Laren Skinner came from Florida.

Oh, you got me. You got me. You got me. Florida is like a hybrid of- It is like a strip mall of a state. Yeah. It's fucking weird. It's a dirty strip mall of a state.

Even the best parts of Florida, like whenever I'm in Miami, I love the people down there. They're fun, man. They're fun. I love going down there and do gigs, but I always put myself in a position. I say, what if I had to move to Florida? What would I do? I'd be like, fuck! Yeah.

I just think about my kids growing up in Florida and being It's like a hopeless I know it's nice. My parents live there. My parents live in a real nice place. You know, there's something wrong with that state It's not a coincidence. It's so many fucking serial killers That's also where you go if you're like psycho you're like we're gonna fuck some shit It's also where you go if you're like psycho and you're like, where can I go fuck some shit up? Where can I ditch a body? Where does it not snow?

In my mind, I grew up, I knew a lot of shady people when I was a kid, and everyone eventually went to Florida. They all went down to Florida. They moved to Florida. My fucking sister moved down to Florida. Her shady husband moved down to Florida. My fucking parents moved down to Florida. And they're attracted to it. The weather's phenomenal.

Until the sky becomes a fucking brick wall of rain. Have you ever had that happen? Yes, absolutely. You have to stop your car. You have to stop the car on the highway because you can't drive. I don't think people understand

what kind of rain we're talking about. It's terrifying. It's insane. Eddie Bravo had a seminar in Miami. We drove from Fort Lauderdale

down to Miami. It was like 15, 20 minutes. Not even, right? We're on the highway. We can't go anywhere. You literally can't drive and it feels like your car is getting fucked up. It's like hail. It's like it's whooshing down. It's like a year's worth

of rain all in one blast. It's incredible. The whole highway stopped dead. It happens all the time. You can't even see in front of you. You can't even drive. That's not even those. People don't know about that shit. That type of rain, too, is like, you think, oh, that must be a tropical storm or a hurricane, which I've driven in both of those, and they're horrifying and crazy, and you can't believe

that. No, that's just rain. That's just an afternoon shower. That's just hard rain. That ain't shit. The hurricane is that times a million plus flying trees. I have not experienced a hurricane yet oh i was at a hurricane in boston and and i remember i don't remember what year but

by the time it got up to us everybody was just scared and huddled in and i we were we lived in newton we were pretty far inland the real people that had to worry were like the people that are on the shore how wicked was the hurricane it piss-a. Came in and fucked everybody sideways. It's crazy. Was it like a big hurricane? Or was it like a three? If I had a choice between moving back to Boston and living in Florida, I'd take Boston in a fucking heartbeat.

Really? Shit winters and all. Fuck yeah. Why? First of all, they have a sense of humor. Are you saying Boston versus Florida, you'd pick Boston? Fuck yeah. No doubt about it. Are you saying Boston versus Florida, you'd pick Boston? Fuck yeah. No doubt about it.

Are you kidding me? Human beings in Boston, it does not compare. Just being around the human beings, you'd have way more fun in Boston. You're probably right. A thousand times more fun. I'll tell you this. They're way more fun. The further south you go to in Florida, it gets crazier, more aggressive.

Miami, you might as well be in a foreign country. You should have a fucking passport to go to Miami. I love it. They should check you at the border. Yeah. You guys are thinking all the bad parts of Florida. There's so much good shit. Good things, too.

There's so much pussy. No, that's awesome. Tommy and I do. We've done, Tommy and I have done a bunch of gigs in Florida. We did the Florida Comedy Festival. We did that theater down in Miami. We've done the improv a couple times. We did Tampa.

We did West Palm. The Miami improv. We've done a bunch of gigs. Look, it's fun. That's crazy. That place, I'm done with that place. I cut that place out of my diet in the early 2000s. Me and Joey Diaz used to go down there because Joey knew the guy who was the original owner.

The original owner is always like, let me get a drawing. That was back when Joey was in his dark days and he would just get money. And the club owners would be reluctant to give him money because he might disappear. Call you from Havana on a fucking raft dog i don't know how to get here but looks like i'm stuck you know and uh we would go to these uh do these shows at the miami improv and the whole crowd would break out into a fucking discussion like over nothing they're real chatty i had a joke where i mentioned oscar de la jolla somehow or another it was like a part of a joke that i used to do something about like getting punched by oscar de la joya and then someone goes fuck

oscar de la joya man fernando vargas and then it was like he's a bitch who do you see so chavez he's the man and then it became this fucking crazy argument amongst apes they might as well they might as well have been chimpanzees that someone taught how to talk. They were just the dumbest human beings I've ever been around. And the rest of the crowd was the people who were forced to live around these moron kids.

And so they were just like sighing, like shaking their head back and forth, like, oh, I'm sorry. But it was a savage crowd. They had not tamed that crowd. And because of that, the most unruly of the unruly, the dumbest of the dumb, were drawn to that club,

and they papered the fuck out of the room. The original owner, he used to gack out hardcore. And he really wasn't doing it. What's that mean? And so he wasn't taking care of the place correctly, apparently. I don't know. You should try it these days. This is allegedly.

This is all allegedly. I'm not trying Miami Improv. It's fun now. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. It's fun now. I remember the day where I was on stage where this was breaking out.

This fucking fun. I'm the largest, bro. And I stop in the middle of my seat and I go, you people are way too dumb and I'm never coming back here. I'm like, this is ridiculous. Did you not come out? You came out to a comedy show and you want to yell out

who's your favorite monster. Yeah, sure. And there was like, there was the impulsiveness. It was like there was no discipline. There was nothing. I mean, it was like literally like you were around

the brattiest kids ever but they were drinking and somehow or another they were 21. You know, they were the brattiest kids who just felt like they could just yell things out. And it's like, does anybody ever tell you to shut the fuck ever i know does anybody ever

tell you to shut the fuck up because this is nonsense this is you you have to be a crazy person to come to a comedy club and be this unaware well yeah can i ask you something because this happened to me at the comedy store on saturday like have you ever had someone just make a comment in the crowd or just say some shit to you that enrages you like it it hits a trigger in you so fucking hard that's what they're trying to do yeah and you see red and you're like i'm gonna fucking like i this guy have that big animated troll face that white i love that that's that's what they have they won and they went what did he say what do you do it was so stupid like i was talking about birth control pill and how they market it and they always say

it's to regulate it was a dumb throw it was a minute thing right and i don't usually i don't talk about my period i know that's a fucking female comic cliche and i know and he he made an audible and i fucking i went bonkers because because he had a woman with him and in my head I'm thinking asshole you're with a woman you fuck that woman you put your mouth on her vagina babies come out of that vagina

why are you so offended at just the sheer like I said it wasn't a bit about it I didn't go into it it was a throw away thing I had said and it immediately for whatever reason I wanted to fucking kill that guy. Well, because your instincts are correct. The guy's a douchebag.

And what was really going on was that the guy is probably insecure and he probably wanted to impress the girl by being more funny than you or by criticizing you or maybe came in with really closed-minded expectations like chicks aren't funny. There's a fucking chick up there. Right, but he was laughing. There's a lot of guys that do that. You know, I did well, and he laughed. Once you got him.

Yeah. Everything after that. Well, you know what? Maybe he had to shut the fuck up because he knew that he was going to get crushed, and then he was like, oh, my God, I'm getting no pussy now. I'm already a loser. Yeah, yeah. You know, he probably panicked.

Oh, I see. That'll do a lot. Probably got a little cocky. I see. You fucking chest flexed him, and he panicked, and he went into a goddamn tailspin. Yeah, I see. That'll probably got a little cocky. I see. You fucking chest flexed him, and he panicked, and he went into a goddamn tailspin. Yeah, I see. But then, like, how do you deal with people, like, when they say shit that makes you, like, it just triggers your thing.

You gotta be zen. Look, it's all snake poison. This is what it is. Yeah, explain. This is what it is. I need help, guys. When you get bit, when you get bit by a snake the first time, you get fucked up. It's venomous.

It tears you up. You're sick. You could die. But after those fucking guys that handle snakes all the time, when they get bit, those motherfuckers, they're immune to the shit because they give themselves injections of snake venom. They do it on purpose. It's like a comic forcing themselves to do a spot at the comic store Tuesday at 1 o'clock in the morning.

You're giving yourself snake venom. The only people there are junkies or fucking wastoids or drunk or you know drunk tourists that just wandered in from off the street you know it's not like they're it's a comedy connoisseur audience right right but that's snake venom you get a little snake venom in you and after a while you become immune to it and then when people yell things out then you can go why are you yelling what's going on with you that's actually brilliant yeah then you turn it on them and then they become a part of the show my issue with it is then it's a different kind of comedy people enjoy it

because they love off the cuff shit they love watching hackers get destroyed people get a kick out of that shit but at the end of the day it's a different show

you're not doing your set anymore what's much better is that you get to do your set unfucked with yeah I can do that man look I do question and answers where I'll do like

an hour more and I'll just let people yell out anything and i talk to the people in the crowd i do that all the time but that's after i've already done my material man don't interrupt that's gross it's and the only people that do that are idiots you have to be an idiot to yell at a movie theater you have to be an idiot to yell at a comedy show to try to get someone's attention try to interrupt and inject your own bullshit i always tell them, man, go to an open mic night. It's not that hard. You can do it.

I know you can do it. I know you're insecure. And this is the easy way to do it. But really, you want attention. And you want attention that you don't fucking deserve. And instead of going through the proper channels to get this attention, what you're doing is trying to usurp it from someone who has achieved it. Here, you are on the stage. You've gone through the part of getting hired by the club. You've got television credits.

You're an established stand-up comedian seasoned by the road. You're got television credits. You're an established stand-up comedian, seasoned by the road. You're on the stage. And this person literally wants to jump into your spot automatically, usurp your position. They're essentially trying to steal your bike. Yeah. Yeah, that's what he's trying to do.

But it's so... Yeah, I don't agree with the mentality. I don't understand that I would never do that. Because you're not a cunt. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, exactly. It's only losers. I always say only losers do that shit.

You're not going to take a winner. There's no winner in the world. No person who's got their shit together in the world who wants to yell out and cause attention to the self of a comedy show. That's a sign of immaturity or just a lack of objective analysis of their own self and the way they behave.

It's a total lack of civility, too. I was more mad at myself that I let that guy sidetrack me. That's what always happens. But it's good for you. Ultimately, it's good for you. It is, really. You learn from that shit. Because then you're like,

why did that trigger that in me? I just wanted to kill him. The worst is when they come up to you, I was helping you out up there. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have to help you out with your show, huh? Brian, you've been heckled a lot, right?

You get heckled, don't you? No, not really. I've seen you get heckled. Do you not remember? No. It's a lot of weed. No, I mean, nothing bad. Maybe somebody will yell something out,

but nothing like where they keep on going the whole time, where it's like a real heckle back and forth. How much difference do you find in doing my shows as opposed to doing just random shows on the road? Your shows are just fun because they know me. That completely is awesome because they already know my sense of humor.

They already know you're a silly person. It's already easy for you just to start your own. It's totally different, right? Isn't that cool? That's the best when you have your own audience. I can't wait. You guys are going to have it.

Your podcast is fucking hilarious. If folks who haven't heard it, audience yeah i can't wait you guys are gonna have it look you know your your podcast podcast is fucking hilarious and if you folks who haven't uh heard it it's your mom's house and it's on death squad so if you go to itunes and if you want to look specifically for theirs look for the death squad at death squad ones that say your mom's house and that's tom and the lovely mrs sagura and uh favorite we have a lot of it's a lot of fun to do man we really enjoy doing yeah and we're gonna put the the Ice House ones, folks, for everybody who's been asking. That is also now going to be on Death Squad.

So what it's called is the Ice House Chronicles. And we have a full studio set up in Pasadena, and it is fucking dope. And Brian has been doing all of his podcasts out of there now. This is cool. Yeah, it's awesome. We're going to do one out of there this Thursday. I'm not sure who's gonna do it yet

but then we're gonna have a show there Thursday night so that should be a lot of fun the Thursday night show is a 10pm show

and it's get tickets from the Ice House icehousecomedy.com and get them quick because it will sell out it's only 85 seats

we did it last week and it sold out and it was fucking awesome the crowd is cool as shit man these podcast fans are awesome this is the greatest smartest thing I've ever done and it was fucking awesome the crowd is cool as shit man this podcast fans are awesome this is the greatest smartest thing i've ever done and it totally happened by accident can i ask your

fans to come see me yes where are you this week i'm going to be at the comedy mix in the great city of vancouver oh thursday friday saturday at the comedy mix on barard street it's one of my favorites that i play yeah that is yeah that is the old yuck yucks it is yuck yucks in vancouver oh it's it's one of the best setup rooms in the country or i shouldn't say in the country because canada not in just the country in north america north america it's a perfect setup it's low ceilings tight seating great. I love it. Great place. Nice crowd. Great owner. Nice guy. Nice people that work there.

It's great. Yeah, Tommy and I did it last time we did it. We did a theater on Friday. What did we do on Friday night? Where did we go? I forget the name of the theater. We did a theater on Friday night, and then Saturday night, after the fights, we went. No, is it Enmore?

Is that right? I don't remember. And then after the fights, we went and did, it might have been. And after the fights, we went and did the comedy mix. It's fucking great what a great little club and like I said it used to be Yuck Yucks

we did it as Yuck Yucks back in the day you, me, and who else who else did it with us Yoshi Yoshi did it with us who's going to be on the show Thursday night

Thursday night yeah I did it once we've got to do more shows with Yoshi yeah I like Yoshi a lot he's hilarious he's friends with

Asa Akira this girl that we had on the podcast yesterday by the way have you guys watched a porn video on your TV recently, like in HD? It's completely disgusting. No. You're watching that hardcore open up your asshole.

Oh, I hate that. I haven't watched porn on a TV recently, I don't think. I hate seeing inside bottles. They're doing terrible things to people. That's super aggressive shit. Yeah, it's like the rape simulation. There's a lot of sp terrible things to people. That's super aggressive shit. Yeah. It's like the rape simulations.

There's a lot of spitting and assholes. It's just rape. You're watching rape now. This guy was aggressive as shit.

He had like eagle claws. Yeah. And he was prying upon her not so and the vagina at the same time.

I don't like seeing that whole the rectal eagle claw. And also I'm also not like I mean I like it watching an aggressively done blowjob sure do you but when

well to a certain extent but when it gets into like vomiting like stuff that shit I don't like it aggressive at all I don't like confusing sex with rape I don't I don't mean I am very very in touch with my chimpanzee instincts and I think there's probably some dark reason why men are so I am very in touch with my chimpanzee instincts.

And I think there's probably some dark reason why men are so much fucking stronger than women. And it probably has a lot to do with nature wanting us to hold you down and fuck the shit out of you. And sometimes you fight back and we have to club you. So I don't want to ever tap into that fucking primordial pool of behavior. I mean the aggressiveness coming from the girl. I don't mean like a throat smash.

Oh yeah, I know. I mean when the girl when they get crazy. That's fun to watch for a little bit but then when they go like and they puke. Stomach bile on cock

is my two favorite things. I'm not I don't like it that aggressive. Can I tell you I don't like either and I love Bella Donna because she's very like I just

I like her energy and I like her as a person. I got to meet her at Sam Tripoli's Naughty Show. But when she puts a baseball bat. Up her ass. Not the thin end. The other end. Not the end you hold. What the fuck?

I forget who sent me that. I think it might have been Duncan. It was a long time ago someone sent me that video. And the heading just said, batter up up and so i opened the email you know it's one of those things where someone just sends you something you know i opened the email and then just said i love people exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point and then this link and i clicked the link and this girl has bad upper ass and just joyfully well i was like well fuck man someone finally did the last thing that there is to do and then i

thought about it i'm like wow i wonder how long it took to do this and then i said well how many people have done this so then i googled baseball bat up the ass and there's like fucking 28,284 million fucking i mean who knows how many goddamn results there were but it was it was ridiculous it's like there's a whole genre of porn where girls stick baseball bats up each other's asses now They can't help but take it to the darkest level possible. Didn't you say that homegirl had double did double anal? Yeah, we're joking in the interview. I said something about double vaginal Which is Trey Parker in Matt Stone's band. That's why I always say it as a joke I didn't think people actually said it and she go. Oh, yeah

I saw a vagina were really like the center point of a kaleidoscope of male bodies. Cox. It was just male bodies and then two cocks in her vagina and two cocks in her asshole. Two in each one. In each hole. How do you do that physically? Huh? How do you physically stand?

How does everybody find a good spot to stand? Four Asians? That's not even good. They'd have to be like. Four cocks. They would have to be like Cirque du Soleil dancers This video that she's in though You really gotta move around

Like every time Who are we talking about? Bella Donner Asa Akira Oh I'm sorry I'm still on Bella Donner Every video she went to Or every person she went to

It just got bigger and bigger She was fucking this black dude Where his dick Seriously Was about the size From my kneecap to my foot Like And thick

That thick And she's just in the ass with that like it just slips right in and it's an hd and it's great i put it on 3d and it didn't help anything wait but that's what bothers me is that they hurry in the anal like i'm very timid busy with it yeah it's like are you ready buying like there's no with it yeah it's like are you ready BAM there's no gentle yeah there's no like

just a gentle one finger well you know what it is because you know obviously there's some editing some professional editing what they're giving you is only the most extreme aspect of the fantasy a lot of it involves men abusing the women yeah this guy was dragging her from one part of the house to the other part of the house by her hair so he would like

choke her on his stomach bile and foam and stuff like that. And then he would just drag her across into the other room by her hair and throw her on the ground and then shove his hand in her pussy so hard. It was just juicing everywhere. And then he would smack her. And then she bit him in the hand at one point. And he drew blood. And he's like, look what you did to me.

Take this. And then he just put his big cock in her ass. It was crazy. I heard somewhere that the incidence of rape has gone down with this type of porn being available. That's the Japanese philosophy.

I don't know if it's true. I don't know if it's founded. It makes sense. Look, I think sexual suppression is responsible. And then also the lack of expression is responsible for a lot of things that people do where they act out, do something fucked up. But then how many people are going to be inspired by these videos to actually do it to get the ultimate thrill and do it in real life? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I'm a lady.

Do you guys ever switch it up in the bedroom? Like Tom dresses up as the woman and you dress up as the guy? Yeah, every other week. It ain't no big deal. Whatever, whatever. Tom wears the shoes with the woman and you dress up as the guy. Hey, no big deal. Whatever, whatever. Tom wears the shoes with the heels and whatever. Did you see Tom as a woman? I put on her onesie.

I put on her onesie and I go, hey, Tom. Let me ask you this, Tom, because you're a sports fan. You're a big sports fan. What do you think about the whole Oscar De La Hoya getting caught wearing women's clothes? No, he just recently admitted it. He got caught a long time ago. He got caught a while ago. But he said it was all Photoshop nonsense yeah but he recently admitted it because he said

it's been haunting him yeah and apparently like this other girl came out another girl just came out and did an interview and said that this was like he would do he would corner everybody wouldn't let the girls leave like intimidate them he'd be like wearing girls clothes and hanging out with them and talking like a girl i think i mean i totally buy it and i i mean i think it's quirky but i think you know when you hear like a story about somebody and your brain always does the assessment of like right could i see this person doing that right when i heard that initially about oscar del hoyo i was like you get over the like the what what what's the story and then i was like oh i could see that i could i could see that do you think it's like if you said like bernard hopkins did it i'd be like no no. No, J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser.

He was gay. It's cross-dressing. J. Edgar Hoover was gay. Was he? Yeah, yeah. My understanding of cross-dressing is that it is not necessarily related to homosexuality. That doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah.

Seems pretty queer from where I'm sitting. It might be a different flavor of queer. It might not be your standard genetic, I was born gay, queer, but it's still queer. I think it leads to something to it. Yeah, there's something odd. And I respect him. And by the way, I have zero problem with any kink that you have. Right.

If you want to wear, I'm not criticizing him in any way. I don't want to get confused. I respect that guy. I think he's a great fighter. He's a great fighter. He's adorable. An interesting guy and a very brilliant businessman. And if you want to wear dresses, I think you should wear dresses.

I don't give a fuck. He is fake. But I think it's just weird. Is that what it is? It, I think you should wear dresses. I don't give a fuck, you know? He is fake. But I think it's just weird. Is that what it is? It's pretty. It's just fun. He's pretty. He is fun.

Guys like him. I think he... I like him. He's from LA. I think if he were to... I don't know if he's from here. Oscar? Yeah, yeah.

He's still LA. If he were to promote fights in a dress... That would be... I got very excited. Well, there's a Japanese guy... He's bringing a whole new market. I would go watch it. I forget the guy's name. I'll very excited. Well, there's a Japanese guy. I would go watch it. I forget the guy's name.

I'll look it up real quick because I don't want to end this on a bad note. There's a Japanese kickboxer that's a cross-dresser. Is he out about it? Oh, yeah. It's part of his walk-in entrance. He comes in.

He comes into the ring with the fucking wig on and pigtails and dressed up like a schoolgirl. Oh, good for him. And beats the fuck out of people. I mean, he's a badass kickboxer. It's really hilarious.

Well, it's okay if I wear pants and a tuxedo. Yeah, it's different. Guys, we don't really, you know. Well, why is it considered, it's not considered cross-dressing if I dress like a dude? There's not,

I don't think guys that aren't, that most straight men don't have any desire to wear a dress. No, I completely understand. A kilt, let your balls loose a little bit, that's about as far as it goes, right? Yeah, I mean, there's more utility in me wearing pants. Yeah, than guys wearing.

Have you ever worn a girl's thong before? No. It's really pointless. Why did you wear a girl's thong? I don't even wear a girl's thong. I spent the night at my girlfriend's house recently, and I didn't have any underwear. You put on her thong?

Do you have any underwear? She's like, I only have thongs. And I'm like, ugh. So I tried it. It was pretty much pointless. Why do you even bother wearing that? Can I tell you how unsanitary they are? You tried it because you're like, I need underwear.

This thong is the only thing around. It's stupid. Well, it puts your asshole bacteria on your vagina. Yeah, you get a yeast infection that way. It's terrible for you. You got to get some full-back cotton breathers. Like mommy wears. Did you know that you were not supposed to move your dick from the ass up?

Yeah. You didn't know? I didn't know for a while. How'd you not know? I mean, I found out recently. How the fuck did you not know? It's stuffing shit into your asshole. Because I never got into ass sex much, I guess.

It's not bad. Well, you know, little girls, young girls Often times get sick Because they wipe Their ass incorrectly Because they wipe Their ass into their vagina You gotta teach them To wipe their ass The wrong way

They can get like septic You can It's fucking dangerous man It's like you can get Really sick Like real bad And that's how sick You can get from going

Butthole to vagina Yeah I never really Had to deal with that I guess until recently Do you get shit on your balls What's in your mouth Huh Do you get shit on your balls How do you wipe how are you wiping standing up with one

leg on the which direction are you wiping are you wiping front to back yeah he likes his balls with shitty sort of or whichever side hurts less to the other side last what do you mean he abuses his asshole yeah oh dude i ate a lot of meat he uses plugs a lot oh well we're searching also david tells my brother i've been using paper towels a lot to wipe oh you do not flush that shit that will that would destroy your whole entire plumbing nagashima that's the dude his name is nagashima nagashima is the uh japanese gentleman who uh dresses up like a girl and even in his uh look at this check this out what is he take a look at this yeah he's out. What is he? Take a look at this. Yeah, he's a badass.

He knocked out Shinya Aoki. He's one of the best MMA guys in the world. This is him with a wig on, dressed like a girl. What kind of wig does he like? This one's a blonde one. He wears different ones all the time. Oh, who doesn't want to be a blonde? Uchihiro Nagashima.

That's the homeboy's name. Oh, dude, he destroyed Shinya Aoki. Does he enter the ring like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, here's another one of him. Look at this. This one, he's got a blue wig on. He destroyed Shinya. Does he enter the ring like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how he's... Look, here's another one of him. Look at this. This one, he's got a blue wig on.

He's dressed like a girl. I love the Japanese. So do I. Yeah, and he beats the fuck out of people. So do you think... See, he's wearing a dress. In your opinion, is that like, he's gay,

this is like, I'm taking my gay rage to the ring? No, I mean, I don't know. Look, for sure, there's been some gay fighters, but no one's ever come out. And he's not open? No, I mean, I don't know. Look, for sure there's been some gay fighters, but no one's ever come out. And he's not open? No, no, he might not be gay.

He might just be just for fun. Gay boxers, you mean? Or MMA fighters? Well, gay boxers as well. Emil Griffith is a famous middleweight champion, and there's a guy who taunted him, and the guy wound up dying. Bernie Perret, I think the guy's name was.

Bernie Perret? I forget the guy's name was. Bernie Perret? I forget the guy's name. But he killed him in a fight. I believe it was in New York in a boxing match. The guy had taunted him for being gay. Yeah, there's, you know, there's some. Yeah. Yeah, there's.

You don't want to taunt gay bosses. Yeah, I'd beat the shit out of him, too. Good. That's not smart. Somebody told me about a show in New York. I forget at what club, where one of the comics was making like i don't know gay jokes but like doing just like you know like gay slurs and i don't know what he was saying and there was a big like jacked up dude in the audience who just came on stage and just punched him like twice knocked him out there you

go yeah jesus christ can i tell you the good thing about comics is that we don't become serial killers or pedophiles i mean what about that rapist that was the uh the one guy was the cruise liner guy who would go to colleges and shit and rape girls yeah rapist yes ask them to pray for him he would rape them and ask them to pray for him oh my god yeah mill griffith was widely known as being a gay man and they were the he had a fight with this guy benny peray in 1962 for the welterweight championship and the guy had taunted him about being gay and he beat him to death jesus he beat that fucking guy to death jesus other than but other than that there's few and far between um people have been recognized as being gay man we tell the story on the podcast about this one guy who got caught in an mma promotion well there is another guy who was a out guy who uh fights in mma fights i forget his name right now escapes me shane shane

smith i think um but he's out like they've done stories about him in the new york times and shad smith that's his name and um this other guy um they caught him because they researched his name and they found out that another guy with the same name had done a bunch of gay porns and then he just vanished he just disappeared and stopped fighting but other than that no one has ever but no one's ever come out there was a big shift at Chad Smith I mean and you know for a lot of people sure they tap yeah yeah for a lot of people would be a big deal did we tap in was I mean well it's been tapping out Oh, you silly goose.

And with that note, oh, I want to say thank you to Lorenzo from the Psychedelic Salon podcast. I listen to a couple podcasts. I listen to the Death Squad. I listen to a bunch of different ones like Kevin Smith and Mark Maron and Adam Carolla when I get a chance.

But really, I've been listening to, yeah, Your Mom's House and The Naughty Show and all these different ones. But really, I've been listening to Your Mom's House and The Naughty Show and all these different ones. But really, I've been listening to The Psychedelic Salon a lot lately. So I want to thank this guy Lorenzo for putting that out. And you could subscribe to that as well. It's all free. I think it's on iTunes. I'm pretty sure it is.

But you can find it. Go look for it. Google it. Psychedelic Salon. It's the shit. And what it really is is a lot of really interesting talks with a lot of Terrence McKenna stuff. I listened to this really crazy

Timothy Leary talk the other day. Really interesting, interesting shit. Thank you. Can I tell you, fans, after Vancouver this weekend, December 1st through the 4th, I'll be in Calgary at the Laugh Shop, which is another great club. And December 15th through 18th,

I'm really looking forward to the Laughing Skull in Atlanta, which is really fun. Oh, you're going to do that one? Oh, that's right. And then Christina and I will both be for New Year's in Seattle at Parlor Live. And December 14th through 17th, Crackers Comedy Club in Indianapolis. Downtown, baby. How often do you guys work together?

Seldom. You should hook it up. We try to. How often do you guys work together? Seldom. You should hook it up. We try to. But it's so corny, the marketing. You don't know how to do it yet. You don't have to do it corny. You're both funny. You're both funny.

If I didn't think you were both funny, I would never say that you were both funny on the air. I really do. No, yeah. You guys are both hilarious. You'd be awesome together. It is fun. It is fun.

We do it. New Year's will be a blast. Do it. You should market yourself. It would make your marriage a lot easier. You don't have to. That's true. You could kiss both hilarious. You'd be awesome together. It is fun. It is fun. We do it. And New Year's will be a blast. Do it. You should market yourself. It would make your marriage a lot easier. You don't have to. That's true. You could kiss each other.

You could fucking bang right before you go on stage. You could just shoot one in there and just go right up on stage. Yeah, yeah. Send her up on stage dripping. How about that? Oh. How about that? You could put a baseball bat in my ass before I go up.

Yeah, you should launch her onto the stage with your car. You know what I could do? That's a really good idea. And that's our hook. I could put DMT and vodka on the tip with your car. You know what I could do? That's a really good idea. And that's our hook. I could put DMT and vodka on the tip of my dick. And then you'd go up super high. Wow, you guys. Thank you to the flesh of life.

Thanks for having us. Thank you. In a free society, we would have a fleshlight with DMT and vodka at the end of it. But no. In this dirty little prison that we live in where you're confined. You can't do what you really want to do. This fucking government's holding me back. God damn it.

Thank you to the Fleshlight. Go to joerogan.net. Click on the link. Enter in the code name Rogan. Get it in the mail. Open it up. Lube it up. And get your freak on.

Okay? Holla at your boy. Thanks, dude. Enter in your name and you get 15% off. And thank you to onnit.com. Try out Alpha Brain and try out New Mood. New Mood's the newest one. And I'm fucking loving it.com try out alpha brain and try out new mood new moods the newest one and i'm fucking loving it and there's another one called shroom tech which is for very athletic

people that's based on the cordyceps mushroom that's an endurance enhancer that i've been enjoying as well on it.com o-n-n-i-t and if you go to joe rogan.net click on the alpha brain link enter in the code name rogan you will save yourself Oh, geez Louise, who's looking out for you? We are, bitches, because you know we love you. Thank you to Tom Segura. Please follow him on Twitter. It's Tom, S-E-G-U-R-A. And follow Christina Segura, even though she goes by this fucking P at the end of her name

with some bunch of fucking random vowels and consonants jammed up together and some strange soup of words that no one can I bet you can't even spell your name can you spell your name how often do you spell

your name wrong once a year never come on son how dare you add Christina P add Christina P and we'll be back

Doug Benson's doing it tomorrow with Doug Benson tomorrow at 3pm and then again we will And then again, we will have a podcast and we will have a show at the Ice House on Thursday night. So it'll be the same thing. Podcast

while the show's going on. We're going to podcast before the show goes on. 8 o'clock. We're going to start the podcast. It's a party. Okay, folks? It's a fucking party and you're invited, but you don't get to talk. I'm sorry you can't talk too talk I'm sorry you can't talk too I'm sorry you can't talk too

but I'm happy that you're enjoying it and we love you guys and we'll talk to you soon later Thank you..