The Joe Rogan Experience - #1575 - Bill Burr

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

Bill Burr is a standup comedian, actor, and host of the Monday Morning Podcast. He's also the voice of Frank Murphy in the Netflix animated sitcom F is for Family, currently in its fourth season.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day we're already rolling so just keep oh sorry sorry we are yeah yeah yeah yeah no he just we're talking about uh steve burn's new movie yeah opening act steve burn got in a lot of fights yeah he had more than he's so nice he is he is but i don't know what it was but i mean he was like at the comic strip and so he did the late night show and somehow somebody threw a chair at him i remember it hit him in the head and he got cut and then like two days later i go to the comic strip and uh someone had taken his headshot down and put like staples in his forehead where he got hit by the chair and put it back up i guess back back when you could do stuff like that he could just tease somebody you know so uh yeah so

he had that movie coming i was just saying it got nominated for one of the one some film festival awards so i was very very happy for him that he's a guy like if you you had told me like do you think steve byrne has ever been in a fight? I'd be like, no, he's so nice. Who's going to fight Steve Byrne? I'll let Steve come on here one day and tell the story. I would love to hear it. I know a half a dozen.

Well, Al Madrigal's another one. When I heard that Al Madrigal has a temper, I'm like, what? Al? I didn't. I've never seen it. That's weird. The side of Al I know is always hugs. I've known Al since he was an opening act at the Old Cobbs in San Francisco.

Downstairs, the little tiny club. Did you ever work that place? No, I did. I've done the regular. I didn't know there was another one. The Old Cobbs was tiny. It was a little tiny place. It was like, there was Tom Sawyer, the guy who ran the the second cops he used to run

like it was a great club it was great he he had a real good taste for comedy so the comp the level of comedy was very good dom herrera told me about it okay so i went there and this is when al magical was first starting out one of the first times i ever hung out with al magical i was working there for the weekend al was the i think he was the, I think he was the emcee. And after the show, he and I went over to, I think it was his brother's house. And we got super baked and watched old Oprah Winfrey episodes. It was Oprah, back when it was Big Hair Oprah. Remember Big Hair Oprah? I remember Crazy Show Oprah.

That was the show. It was still like KKK people and there was like plastic white plastic chairs and all kinds of crazy shit that was what oprah was and we were just barbecued smoking out of a bong like high school kids right watching oprah winfrey that's how they had this big hair oprah old school old school i don't remember that that's when she was probably just in chic, right? I do not know, but it was like- No, wait, I was watching it back. All right, I knew of it.

Well, that was back when she had the smarts to see where that was going. Because that was like Morton Downey Jr., the Ricky Lakes, and all of them were just doing- Daytime TV was fucking bananas. Crazy. It was crazy. And then Jerry Springer, I think was like the the goat of all of that he hung in there longer than all of them jenny jones was doing it but remember jenny jones she used to have a comedy show do you remember this where it was women's only she jenny jones

was a comic before she was ever one of those daytime talk show hosts okay she's like a pretty good comic you know doing the road but she found a niche and that niche was girls only so she wouldn't let anybody in that was a man no managers get the fuck out of here it was all women and so they would tell like dirty dick sucking stories and wild shit and just do wild comedy only for women and jenny jones had a super popular daytime talk show until they had a show where they had a guy on and he said uh you have a secret crush and they bring in the secret crush and it's another guy that he works with and the guy who he works was like you know i've always i've always fantasized about you and this and that and so he went over that guy's house after the show aired he was embarrassed and he shot him and killed him yeah i remember

yeah and then they were like that was it. They killed the show. You know, it happens. Music, there's everything like that. That was the end of the disco era, I guess, of the talk shows. But with Al Magical, I can't imagine that he had a temper. My experiences with Al Magical was always super fun, very friendly, always laughing. No, he doesn't snap. He just sort of gets quiet and then stares at the target

and the wheels start turning. Like he is like, I think he's half Sicilian, half Mexican. So he has all that love, family, all that. But if you cross him, that other things come into motion. Like it's like, it's not like me. I got like the German Irish temper where I just flip out and I start screaming out. He's like plotting your demise.

I used to do a thing with him at Nerd Melt. And I swear to God, it was like every three shows, he would tell a story about something that he did during his daily dad life, something that somebody did to him and what he did to get revenge. And as he's telling it, he's not in the mindset. He's like, okay, so they did this. dad life of something that somebody did to him and what he did to get revenge and you know as he's telling it he's not in the mindset he was like okay so they did this and um so i was like okay and then i went down and then just listen this calculated like it made it more disturbing it made it more disturbing he used to have to fire people for his family's business right and i think

he developed a hard shell when he had to learn how to do that no he has a he has an incredible book in him on how to do that and then also how to like break up with women the way he did it like it was just like i i don't these are his stories so yeah you gotta have him on have him tell the story of how he like how the way he would end a relationship i haven't seen alan forever yeah no it's is he doing comedy during this pandemic shit um i haven't seen anybody unless you were on the same parking lot show that i was on or or whatever like i've started um uh the magic castle parking lot where they park everybody's cars is that's a good one that i've

been doing shows there yeah stand up dude they're actually funny shit really first night i went there i bombed like i it was my first five minutes because my idea because this stand-up thing is you don't understand like how you're just listening to the crowd yeah and they're they're in your like you you lock in where they're at and then you start taking them where they're going, where you want them to go, right? And you get on a roll, and then that's when you can start, you know, start killing. They're in their cars. So it was like, it felt like I was like deaf trying to do stand-up and trying to gauge how they were laughing. But the weirdest thing, though, is just after one night, you adjust to it.

And then your whole new idea of what killing sounds like you're able to block out the traffic and the police helicopters i'm not even joking that are going up because it's right in downtown hollywood and then it just becomes this crazy fun gig and there's comics waiting to go on behind you it's really this amazing thing where i kind of like uh feel like you're kind of going back to just the pure love of just going up there, trying shit out, making people laugh,

supporting other comics. People are adapting. Yeah, it's been as crazy as years and so much bad stuff has happened to so many people. That aspect of it has been fun and it kind of woke up all this muscle memory that I had as a comedian that i lost because once you start selling tickets you do get a little softer yeah because you get the

well oh it's this guy we like this guy where before i had to go back to like like okay i gotta get these people yeah i don't have to go on stage and now i i have to avoid losing them you know joey diaz started to get some popularity losing them. Joey Diaz started to get some popularity. And when Joey Diaz started to get some popularity, one of the things he started doing is going to the dirtiest, dingiest open mics that he could find, like specifically. I go, why do you like doing that? He goes, Joe Rogan.

He goes, you can't forget your roots. You can't forget your roots, Joe Rogan. And he was serious about it. I could hear him. I was on the phone with him taking hits off the junk joe rogan listen to me these motherfuckers don't know they don't know they don't know what we went through they don't know the fucking trenches these fucking kids out here are soft he goes they're talking to me oh i can't get up at the comedy store i can't

get up at the comic bitch i did 20 minutes in alhambra i drove down to a fucking chinese restaurant and i did an open mic night in front of 15 people and only 10 of them spoke english and he would just do these gigs he would do four a night like i go what'd you do last night he goes i went down here and then felipe has a room i went down i did that and then i did that and he would do this on a regular basis and he did it specifically because he felt like he had to be in motion he goes i gotta i gotta i gotta go back to my roots yeah yeah well i didn't do that i've done a few of those that's what he's like about haha there was a there was a point where

i started to do those because the comedy store got so crazy it was such like it was so like just on 10 yeah then everybody was murdering everything like even during the every night started feeling like saturday night like uh yeah i want to go out lean on the mic stand try out some shit yeah feel out a story or something like that and then i'm going on after you know these these beasts on the show and it was like oh man i so i started doing the belly room and then um there was there was a really cool one on fairfax that i was doing in this back room of this like uh i want to say russian bar or something like that it was great it was fucking great and i went there and i felt that that thing again where

it was like you know um i feel like if i go to the comedy store somebody knows who i am if i go to that one people like most of the people don't even know who i am because you yeah you start to forget like just how much shit there is out there to watch and and all you need is just like 1200 people in each city to know who you are and you could do like a theater yeah but you know you can have a very niche level thing like i try to explain that to somebody where they go oh you're selling this thing out so everybody knows who you are it's like no it's like there's people selling out Madison Square Garden that you've never bands you've never even fucking heard of but there's there's 20,000 people that know who they are you know what I mean so I'm sort of tapping into that trying to go to these places

where um you could have that fun again of like oh you don't think I'm funny oh you guys don't know like yeah and I know how to do this shit and so then that also means you don't think i'm funny oh you guys don't know like yeah and i know how to do this shit and so then that also means you don't know how i joke around so now i can have this fun of of like you don't know what my style is so it can still be like surprising as opposed to oh now he's gonna do this now he's gonna flip out and then i'm gonna laugh and clap and then he's gonna say good night you know you can kind of break out of that, which is fun. The worst thing that can happen to a comic is you get real soft

because everybody loves you and they go to see you and they laugh at anything you say. That's one of the reasons why Steve Martin said he stopped touring. Right. Because Steve Martin, when I was a kid,

Let's Get Small was out and he would come out with the bunny ears on and like play the banjo. Fuck, he was so good. These kids today, these motherfucking kids today, they don't know that Steve Martin was a monster. No, they don't know about that, but they know. They're doing hell rooms.

Nobody just shows up at the comedies. That's not what I mean. I mean, they don't know how good Steve Martin was. Like people forgot when Steve Martin was doing arenas. I don't know if he was doing arenas. No, he did. He did like Nassau Coliseum. He got that big.

What he was doing, his albums, like they were so silly and so fun and so different he had his own unique style you know and uh when he just felt like anything he did they laughed at and he lost track of whether or not it was good or not and he just stopped doing it and i remember thinking when i was first starting doing comedy, I can't imagine, A, that that could ever happen, or B, that you can't, there's not a workaround, Steve? You're the fucking man. I think it really was he also had all these ideas for film

and all the stuff that he did. Yeah. But, you know, it's kind of interesting, like, where he, what he used to say about, like it was such a serious time that he was coming out of all like you know the previous decade all the assassinations the vietnam war the gas crisis and all that and all these comics were talking about all this heavy shit and he was just super silly they just was like a mental break um somebody came to us uh with a um a pilot idea for something and it was over the top like absurd and silly and like that was my reference i'm going through this is like

the steve martin bunny ear thing everybody's like going with trump and and the virus and it's like this thing is just silly there's no there's no me too cancel call there's nothing in here you can just sit down like that dumb and dumber type of thing. That type of stuff that I love. Look at him. I'm telling you, people today, it's hard to appreciate how big he was. And I was a kid, right? So when Steve Martin was huge, I mean, what year was this?

Late 70s. The one thing is in 84, but yeah, all this is probably before that too. Yeah. Was he still doing comedy in 84? I found a video that said it was a stand-up

performance from 84. That's probably right around the time when he stopped, but I thought he stopped before that.

But when I was in high school was when Steve Martin was born standing up. He's got a great book too.

That's the book Born Standing Up. You know what kills me is I loaned that to somebody. Gave it up in 81. I never got it back. 81. So he gave it up when I was a great book, too. That's the book, Born Standing Up. You know what kills me is I loaned that to somebody. There you go. Gave it up in 81.

I never got it back. 81. So he gave it up when I was a freshman in high school. The book is great. Red Band gave me the book for Christmas one year. It's really good. It's really interesting, too, because, like I said, I think when you talk about great comics of all these generations,

for whatever reason, people just think of him as a great movie star. They think The Jerkk which is an unbelievably funny movie and all those amazing movies that he did it was a great movie he doesn't like these kids he was so good

he was so silly what was the Mafia movie he played what was that one the guy with the big hair oh yeah yeah yeah and he goes into the supermarket

and he just he gets the price gun and everything's like 99 cents and he's kind of standing there he's scanning all this filet m price gun and everything's like 99 cents and he's kind of standing there he's scanning all this filet mignons and everything

what was that my blue heaven yeah yeah Rick Rick Moranis that was a great fucking that bit that you did on Saturday Night Live

about Rick Moranis getting punched in the face I was fucking howling do you know I thought if anything I thought because everybody loves Rick which I do too of course

I was just you know it was the perfect it's just a joke yeah I thought that that was the one that was going to get people upset it's like everybody loves rick moranis who wants to see him get punched well it's uh he's a white man you can punch a white man today and they have very little sympathy for it yeah i was i think it was because of the other shit that i well it was a lot you know what's annoying is somebody was trying to say why that white woman joke worked really fucking annoyed me it's like it works because he called

himself out for being a toxic white male too it's like shut it's not that's not why it worked it worked because it's true and what i love about that bit the second i'm going into it people of color are already laughing yeah the part where i say toxic white male thing is to get the person who wrote that article to come along for the ride. Yeah. And they, yeah, you know why it worked. Yeah. I don't know why it works.

I'm the guy who fucking wrote it and I'm watching it. Watching it work. But why don't you explain to me the fucking arrogance of that is what, I mean, I listen to all this music. I would never sit. Do you know why that song works? But don't you think that it's also? Because he uses his fucking cord to something. But it's a popular culture moment, and it's an opportunity to do commentary

to make an article that you know is going to get a lot of clicks. It's a scam. Yeah, maybe I'm taking the bait. I don't know what it is, but it's just like, I don't mind. I like this. I don't like this. But don't fucking sit there and start you know i'm going to tell a mechanic why the car he just fixed is fucking working not knowing how to fix a car a lot of what's going on

today with commentary is disingenuous in that it's not necessarily what they really think but it's what they think will get a reaction from the people that align with their ideology i found the solution to it what is the solution i just i i don't pay attention even though i did read that that's why i don't i waited a month before i read anything and the first thing i read my wife just hears me upstairs oh what the you don't know why the fucking thing she goes stop reading that stuff i'm like you're right you're right i uh i just i exist now but i live in a different time yeah including like movies cars everything that i look at like i'm just right now i'm on a i'm on a uh i'm watching just car movies from the 1970s and i'm having oh dude i gotta get this clip for

you one of the great what's that fucking point blank? What's that movie with the Challenger? That famous movie with the 1970s? Vanishing Point. I almost said Point of Entry, which is a Judas Priest album. I watched, I got a clip for you guys. I don't know if I can, if you guys can find this. Send it to Jamie.

Oh, I can send it to you? Yeah. All right. This is like, as far as like bad 70s lines that an actor had to deliver, one of my favorites of all time was that movie Over the Edge with the young Matt Dillon. It's a fucking amazing movie. It's about like these kids that, you know, back when families, when white families were moving out of the crime infested cities and they were starting these, whatever,

these suburban things. But all the kids were doing drugs and all that shit. It's basically about stuff like that. So the kids end up being these crazy white kids, and they take over the school. And at one point, they lock all the parents, because they had this big meeting about the kids, and the kids snuck in,

and they locked them all in the little auditorium. And as they're vandalizing the school, one of the cops is trying to get out, and this chick runs by with a giant globe, and she sees the cop, and she stops, and she just goes, Eat it, you stinking pig! Fucking nuts.

It's just like... It's like, who the fuck writes shit like that? So I was watching a movie called The Car, which is sort of Carrie. It's the same deal? Yeah. Here it is. Oh'll send it to you. Here it is.

Oh, there it is. Oh, God. You got to have... Give me some volume. You got to have this. Give me some volume in that. Oh, shit. You stink of pig.

Dude, I just sit there and rewind that and just laugh my ass off. I can't find it. Dude, I'm the worst with this shit. No, because it's such a specific... I'm on this tech... There's so many good car movies. I mean, Bullet with Steve McQueen. That's the ultimate car movie.

Yeah, those are like the good ones. Oh, my God. Those are the good ones. But I'm going i just watched burt reynolds uh white lightning who ned beatty is fucking amazing in that one what is white lightning white white lightning you know moonshine moonshine yeah so it's uh it's about a guy it's about a corrupt cop burt reynolds is in jail there he is look at him yeah burt fucking reynolds yeah he lies that he's gonna try to help get the moonshiners but he really wants to go out and get revenge on the cop that uh did something bad to

one of his family members played by played by ned baity it takes place in uh arkansas he's got a a four-door uh what does he got uh it's a four no Galaxy 500. Look at that picture. For some reason, my goddamn photos aren't loading. There's a sad episode of Fast and Loose, or Fast and Loud, rather, Richard Rawlings, where they go to Burt Reynolds to get him to sign a Trans a trans am oh i saw that oh and he could barely walk he's like well because he played football at florida state and then he also did like all of his own stunts and then you know people didn't know how to repair knees and like that no no oh god here it is there he is okay how do i how do i send this just just i don't know how to do that all right

send this. You can do an airdrop. Just, just, just, I don't know how to do that. All right. Yeah, there's Burt Reynolds right there.

Oh, yeah. No, it's, it's just, it's just a classic Burt Reynolds movie. And he worked a lot with like Ned Beatty, who's just one of the great character actors of all time.

So I just been like, either watching show like that, or like, you know, the friends of Eddie Coyle, watching like really good movies from then and then just watching like crazy shit. I just watch that

and I have a good time rather than going on like social media and shit like that. I've been, you know, watching all these French movies and shit and just like... No, it's a bad point. All right, here you go.

Here you go. This is this woman yelling at this car. It's another great clip from the 1970s. Cat poo. What? A tadpole? No, cat poo. Cat poo? That's what she's saying yeah

you cat poo oh my god i don't know why that's that made the movie funny for you because it's so bad the acting in this movie is so fucking bad in the beginning the car is like runs over two people on 10 speed bikes and the acting and just that in the beginning the car is like runs over two people on 10 speed bikes and the acting and just that in the beginning so that's a bad car that's like an evil car yeah there's like nobody in it it's a 71 lincoln mark 3 4 5 i don't know what it is and it's just and the funny thing is is it's terrorizing this little ass town and it's killing i can't i i lost track of how many cops die in this little town and they never ask for help at the state level they never call in the army they figure out nobody's driving this fucking car and nobody nobody tries to go you know i think this problem

is a little bigger than our little town here. Did you ever see Jeepers Creepers? No, but that has that great truck in it. The cab over engine, right? It's like a demon driving a truck. Jeepers Creepers is an underrated, fun horror movie. But there's a lot of those movies where there's... Why are you laughing?

You said that last time. It's not good. I said what last time? This movie was good. It's underrated. Okay. What the fuck, Jamie? Yeah. No, there's a lot of these. I enjoy it.

Can I enjoy something that you don't enjoy? Is that okay? Yeah. So I've kind of been doing like. Fair. So White Lightning led to the next movie. Reynolds played a character called Gator. Oh, I remember that.

And then the next movie is called Gator. But you just watch it. The way that women are treated. Oh, it's awful. Oh, I remember that. And then the next movie is called Gator. But you just watch it. The way that women are treated. Oh, it's awful. Dude, it's fucking, yeah. We were talking about, not Close Encounters, Poltergeist. We watched Poltergeist with the family. And there's a scene in Poltergeist where these construction workers

are sexually harassing this guy's 16-year-old daughter. And the wife is laughing. She's looking through the window as the construction workers on her property are going, hey, I love you, and they're looking at her through a cone and shit, and she goes like this, fuck off to them, and the mom is like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, because she raised her right, because she knew that she could handle... Yeah, but if you were... That's nuts. If that was today in a film you'd be like what the fuck kind of monsters are they and what's wrong with that mom that mom is an enabler like she's gonna that girl's gonna grow up to be fucked up yeah you know we continue to grow as people yes but it's not that long ago that's what's crazy hey pull up jeepers creepers

show me a clip was great hey poltergeist was almost 40 years ago it was a long time ago yeah i guess so but it's amazing how much things change in 40 years. Well, just put yourself in 1981. It's Jeepers Creepers. And that's like looking back to 1941. See, these guys are driving. Hey. That's Justin Long.

Get the fuck out of here. It's the dude from the Mac commercial. Yeah, he's the Mac. Remember the other guy's the PC? That's him. Look at this fucking evil truck with blacked out windows. Get away from me. He's the voice of Kevin on F is for Family.

He's crazy. Oh, is he? Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. Dude, he's one of the best mimics I've ever... He can imitate anybody. He's fucking hilarious. He's hilarious.

This is it. This is like them doing their open mics. They're getting these early films. Yeah. These slasher things. 2001. 19 years ago. Crazy film jamie it's a good film well made sure scary there's some movies i liked when i was a kid that i watch now and i was like oh my god what was

wrong with me yeah but you didn't know you didn't know yeah you thought things were good but a lot of those but that's a good way i found just mentally to get out of like yeah the eddie because as a comedian you have to be on social media i guess i mean i don't know way not to be and it's just like impossible like tonight i am so fucking ridiculously addicted to my phone like the amount of times that i set it down, going like, enough with that shit. And then I'll just sit there. And then five seconds later, I'm just picking it up. And like, you know what it is? Is it's also like I watch, even when I'm watching TV, I'll be like, oh, look at this old movie.

I wonder if that guy's still alive. Right. And then you start Googling. And I start looking. Oh, he died. What did he die of? You know, 82. You know, it's not bad.

You know, just. Let's see if someone's talking shit about me. Yeah. Well, let's... No, it's... I don't do that. I go, let's see what these... I don't know.

Hmm. Social media is bad. I mean, it's good and it's bad, right? But the bad part is you can get lost in other people's opinions and want to defend yourself. And then, you know, people misrepresent what you said or distort what you said or take it out of context and then you're like hey and then you think well how many people are reading that and thinking the wrong thing about me and oh no it's just i never respond to it i don't either i just flip out i would i do what i call post and ghost when i make a post i make a post and then i

put my phone away and i walk out of the room. I leave my phone in other rooms. I thought you were going to say you write what you want to say and then you delete it. And I'd be like, I'd be too nervous. You accidentally hit send. I make a post and then I go away. Like I don't look at what people are saying about the post. I just get the fuck out of there. It's just, it never is a good use of time.

There's so many things that I like to do. And that's one thing that saves me, is that I have so many obsessions. Right. There's so many things I like to do, but the phone will get me if I'm not—you know what will get me? Fucking YouTube. Watching nothing. It'll be an hour. I'll watch a video on how they make watches, and then I'll watch three or four pool matches, and then I'll watch, oh, 1970 Chevelle. Oh, how'd they make that?

You know what I hate, though, about all of those? Is once you click on one thing, then they just give you 40 of the same thing. Yeah. It's like they don't, it's almost like they don't want you to progress. It's like, like I have, like some of, like when I watched, I think I told this story last time I was on here. Like on Netflix, I watched all of Narcos. Yeah. And then everything became became behind the scenes

of San Quentin and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I've been trying to watch these French movies, right? But for some reason, because I think I'm here, they keep giving me the English-speaking ones. It's like, that's not what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to watch their shit. How do I get out of this? They kind of keep dragging you back down to...

Well, they find what you're interested in. I mean, the algorithm is pretty simple. I mean, it's not simple. It's complicated, but it's a simple formula in terms of, like, how it applies. Whatever you're interested in, it's going to show you. Whatever you're going to spend the most time looking at, it's going to show you.

Whether it's things you hate, like YouTube or Facebook, that accentuates things that give you the... It turns out it's really just what you're responding to and spending time on. Like Ari did an experiment. Ari's experiment was he only looked up puppies on YouTube. That's it, just puppies. And then all YouTube was showing him was puppies.

And he was trying to tell people, look, this isn't insidious. It's not like the man's trying to keep you angry. It's like you're keeping yourself angry. If you just go and look at puppies all day that's all it's going to show you I don't know I feel like if I look at one puppy

video then they give me a bunch more and it's just like okay maybe I've moved past puppies at this point yeah but that's up to you you yourself you have to search for things that aren't puppy related I know but it's just easier just to click on what they're giving me or they just oh more puppy videos this is my safe

space yeah and uh dude i saw two really good french movies i saw it's one called lost bullet and then i saw one called blood and earth i heard of lost bullet what is that lost bullet is um i'd say it's sort of a Jason Statham style movie, like action movie. A lot of cars, a lot of people getting shot. Nice. Dumb shit that I watch, but it's done really well. It's done shot really well.

There's a really great shot in it where a dude kills somebody because the boss told him to and he didn't feel good about it. And how they got his reaction, he bludges them to death with the butt of this rifle. And the shot that they used was the reflection of the guy's face in the pool of blood of the guy he killed. Yeah, I was just like, oh man, that's the fucking...

That right there was worth watching this whole movie just to see that shot. Yeah, it was really cool. that shot yeah it was really cool yeah getting involved in in films or any anything that's outside of the the shit that you're getting twisted up in your head is always good for you because it just makes you realize like there's people out there doing a lot of things they're making cool things yeah you know can you you get lost on social media or you know lost in arguing i feel like i'm in the truman Show here so I'm just getting the American version of movies, I'm getting the American version of news and everybody's yelling

at each other and it's just like I'm trying to poke a hole in like the tent to try just get something else coming in because I can't yeah it's just there's a great Russian horror movie called Sputnik and it's a film that's all in subtitles.

But it's basically like their version of the movie Alien. It's fucking good. Oh, really? Yeah, it's good. Okay. I tried to watch it with my kid, and she was like, I'm not reading while I watch a movie. I'm like, damn, that is my kid.

I watch them in French with French subtitles. Yeah. I just watch the whole thing, try to figure out what they're talking about. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, this is Sputnik. It's fucking good, man. It's a Russian film, which I'm not really aware of too many Russian films, but it's very good.

And the scenes, like the horror scenes, are fucking spectacular, man. Yeah, I think this is what I'm going to be watching from now. I signed up on a couple of different sites and shit. YouTube's really cool. You can rent movies for four or five bucks. Yeah. And they'll have really obscure shit. If it's not on Netflix, I'm like, all right.

White Lightning, I figured where I had to go. I signed up for something. I got a free 30-day month thing. So it's like, I'm going to burn through some of these older Burt Reynolds movies. You know? Well, you know what you can do for foreign films? Get Express VPN. And any kind of VPN, virtual private network, will allow you to say you're in another country.

Dude, they advertise my podcast. We do the podcast part of my stuff. I should do that with my personal stuff. Yeah, you should. It's great. Oh, dude, I got one for you. You sign up for, just say you're in france and it'll show you all these french movies that maybe you would have never have access to on on netflix and maybe

you know if you watch one it'll recommend some other ones that are similar to it in the algorithm dude i got one for you i fucking forget the name of it though it's on the criterion channel and it's this black and white uh i took a picture of it it's on my phone i can't i can't remember shit so i just take pictures of shit um it was uh it's it's basically it's a guy doing a stand-up set and he's having a bad set it's in black and white and it's like animated and it's fucking wild it's like really like i never took mushrooms but it felt like wow this must be like when you're starting to trip what it starts to feel like and like they were doing this thing like uh as he was starting to like lose some people in the crowd like their faces would just go dark

so i was thinking like he's turned them off does that mean like he shut off like they're not into him anymore there's a lot of fucking layers. It's oddly disturbing. What's it called? I don't know. Jamie will find it. Keep doing this shit. Jamie will find it. No, I took a picture of it. He'll find it while he's switching cameras. Okay. I was close. It said there's something called the stand-up

guys. Yes. It's not coming up and I'm trying to find it though. Stand-up guy. That's what it is. Google shows it, but when I click that, it says nothing found on Criterion. Yeah, because they had the Dustin Hoffman movie when he played Lenny Bruce. What is that? Right there. That's it.

Right there. That's it. Wow. No, not Lenny Bruce. The stand-up guy. The stand-up guy. Wow. Yeah, dude.

That thing is- Oh, that's another one. This it? The stand-up guy is now Pacino? I was in that movie right there were you really stand up guys yeah i got you know i got a funny story about yeah no shit what is that i never heard of that movie yeah um uh fisher stevens directed it what's what is that got some up-and-coming actors in it like uh alan arkin al pacino Christopher Walken. How long ago was this?

Oh, dude, I got a funny story about that. It was like, I don't know, I can't remember, but like a couple years ago, my dad called me up. He's like, yeah, he goes, you know, I said hello. He goes, yeah, hey, Bill, it's your dad. I'm like, yeah, what's going on? He goes, Christ, I got to tell you, you know, the other night, you know, I fell asleep on the couch.

And I know you told me to stop doing that because, you know, I've hurt my back. But, you know, it's my house. So I fell asleep on the couch. That is you. He goes, you know, the TV was on. I wake up and I see Al Pacino. I'm like, I've never seen this movie. And I said, and then I'm watching it.

I'm like, Jesus Christ, there's Bill. He goes, so I wake up your mother. I'm like,'m like Christ look at Bill he's in a movie with Al Pacino and he goes when did you shoot that I go dad it was like 8 years ago which is it just shows you like how much shit is out there that if you're in a movie with Al Pacino

even your parents don't see it until like fucking 8 years later so he's like yeah it's a really good movie they don't stop making movies so all the old movies are still available and they make new ones every day they're making movies right now and they pile up like the amount of data that's out there in terms of like things that you could watch is the sheer volume terabytes of movies that are available it never stops it just keeps piling up and it

doesn't just come from america it's coming from all over the world yeah and they have hacks over there too because i saw one they were doing one of those switcheroo movies like you're like i could be a woman that's that's fucking easy and then the next day what's going on right freaky friday that kind of one of those shit yeah it was a french one and it was really fucking bizarre i just i saw the trailer i'm like i'm not fucking watching this shit they went a little further it was sort of like a misogynistic dude and then he was a chick but still looked like a dude and then he was hooking up with chicks and they were on top of him grabbing his throat and shit i'm like what the fuck i ain't watching this but but then i was also thinking like oh they use this use this same sort of like switcheroo movie over here too.

Well, it's a classic, right? They've been doing those switcheroo movies. When was the first one of those switcheroo movies? It was like Jamie Lee Curtis and her daughter, right? Yeah. Was that the first one? It's a really good one. No, Jamie?

There's one that's out right now that looks really funny though. What? Yeah, Vince Vaughn's in one right now. Vince Vaughn did one. Yes. Where he switches with like a serial killer. Really? Yeah.

I thought he switched with his daughter. Yeah, but there's some serial killer thing involved. I've been like on the road. That's a new one? Yeah, I got to watch that one. I heard it's fucking great.

That's one from the 70s. Okay, that was the first one. Yeah, Freaky Friday. From the 70s, not with Jamie Lee. Oh, who is the original one? Who's in that? Jodie Foster.

Jodie Foster. Yeah. Wow. No, who is the original one? Who's in that? Jodie Foster. Jodie Foster. Yeah. Wow. No, that's the original Freaky Friday? So the Jamie Lee Curtis was a copy of that? Dude, that poster, that just takes me back to my childhood. God, that's crazy. Oh, there's three of them.

And they just remake it every 10 years. What did those kids forget? You know what else they remake a lot? The Thing. They've remade The Thing at least three times. The Thing was the shit when the first one

that came out on Cinemax or HBO. The first one's terrible. And then there's the John Carpenter The Thing, which was really good. That was a remake

of the first one. The first one was a 1950s one that looks like it was shot in an office. Yeah. It's like... It looks like somebody had an old school VHS camera and they shot it in an office with people that don't really act. I mean, it's terrible.

See if you can find a clip from it. You want to talk about evolution of culture. The best way to see it is to watch old films. Just the way they used to act back then. It didn't make any sense. The way they used to act back then it didn't make any sense the way they talked like they were theater people they were used to projecting with just their voice to a whole room full of people and then they convert no this is john carpenter's no no this is this is the

second one that's the 92 one 82 oh excuse me 82 one yeah i was in high school that was great though but there was one before that was like from 1950s, and that one is very strange. And you don't really get a good look at the monster. They did a good job back then of kind of hiding how crappy their special effects were. The Thing from Another World. Yeah. That's the full name. Oh, okay.

So the John Carpenter version, they shortened it. But this is... Give me some volume. You hear how they talk. Those hands and those eyes. You've got to do something about it, you gut. Human or inhuman. Earthly or unearthly.

Baffling questions. Astounding questions. That not even the world's greatest scientific minds can answer. You realize what we've found. A being from another world that's different from us is one pole from the other. How did this guy make it past the table? Nobody. They just find people.

I just love how back then, anytime you got a little hysterical, it's just somebody would throw something at you. They'd slap you. For Christ's sake, get a hold of yourself there was like no smelling salt understanding if you if you were upset somebody hit you to make you feel better yes like you're supposed to like yeah snap out of it hey you got a little crazy there like that guy is literally talking about this fucking thing that's gonna kill all of them this guy takes

another man takes a full cup of water and throws in his face and nobody goes like whoa whoa like there's going to be a fight it's like yes that's exactly what you do in this situation and the guy who takes it in the face is just like yeah thank you i was being a woman yeah he's drying off his shirt just being like sorry i got a little it's pretty ridiculous sorry for expressing what i was feeling well back then people were hard they'd just gotten through the great depression mean, that was just a couple of years before that. Yeah, I remember that Ken Burns, the war, they used to say, the guys who would come home with that PTSD, how do you say it? PTSD, yeah.

PTSD would come back and they would say, like, he couldn't shake off the war. That's all those kids had back then was shake it off. You got to shake it off, man. Don't think about it. Shake it off. Well, you remember it was shell-shocked when we were kids? Yeah.

In Vietnam, they'd come back shell-shocked. Yeah. We'd call it shell-shocked. But you got to think, these people get through the Great Depression. That's the beginning of the 20th century. And then they grow up. So these guys that are acting in the 1950s in those films, like during the 1920s, they were kids.

Yeah. So this is this is the environment they came up in harsh no one tolerated that's why those those guys from back in the day those actors were so like legit and seemed tough like and even they weren't like all buff the way guys are nowadays and all fucking you know shredded with abs but like lee marvin like fought in the korean war and was shot and like most of his platoon died, something like that. So like when he's in a movie, like killing somebody,

like he's done this shit. Yeah. So I think that there's just something about that versus today where, you know, I don't know. Yeah. I just had a fucked up thought. It's dramatizing.

Well, that's why Oliver Stone, what was your fucked up thought? That because we've been in these wars so long that we have another generation of great actors coming our way. Our generation was too soft. We were between Vietnam and all this crap in the Middle East. Well, this is for these guys coming up. I'm punching my card.

That was us. Footloose. the thing about these kids coming up today they're they've been involved in wars where we didn't learn from not taking care of the troops we didn't learn from exposing them to bad chemicals in vietnam and agent orange and all the shit that we didn't learn like these kids are still you know about um these burn pits that they have on bases over in Iraq and Afghanistan. They take all their waste and they just burn it. I didn't know about this. I mean, maybe I peripherally heard about it,

but then Evan Hafer from Black Rifle Coffee was on the podcast talking about all these guys that are experiencing all these horrific problems because you've been breathing in toxic burn fumes. Everything. They burn everything. Human shit, plastic, garbage. breathing in toxic burn fumes everything they burn everything human shit plastic garbage they throw it all into this gigantic fire pit and it burns 24 7 so these guys are constantly breathing in fumes from burning chemicals and burning waste and like the fact that after all the shit that happened with uh agent orange and vietnam that this is still going on today.

All the shit that happened in the Gulf War, the first Gulf War, with the depleted uranium, where they'd come back with the Gulf War sickness, and nobody knew what the fuck that was, and their kids would be born with all these deformities. I like all these tent cities. They sit there and they go, support the troops, support the troops,

and then when they get homeless, they're like, they're taking up these people. These are our sidewalks, and I was fucking around joking about that last night it's like those are your fellow countrymen you can't i don't know this it's a very uh it's a weird you know it isn't weird it's just how people are it's just it's all location it's like real estate right my friend steve was in the woods and and they were – Steve Rinella, he runs a show, Meat Eater, on Netflix. What's it about? It's a hunting show.

He's a conservationist. That's pretty right on the nose. But they had this thing they were doing where they were going into the woods, into these public land areas and cleaning up. So they'd go in and just – because a lot of people are assholes. They leave behind water bottles and all kinds of shit they camp they leave their garbage so they went in and they were just going in and cleaning up and they they stumbled upon a homeless encampment and uh he remembers thinking like that he didn't want to talk to them like he felt like shit fuck i'm running to these people like you this feeling to and he said he wound up talking to them and just like just just giving it a chance and they were like oh yeah hey give us a bag we'll

help out and they started putting stuff in the bag too and they were like normal folks yeah and he realized like oh these are just people where it went wrong it went left when they should have gone right they lost their job all of a sudden they're out in the street they don't know how to make a living now. They have a tent. Some of them are extremely dangerous. So that's what makes you go like, I don't fucking know here. So it's hard. Yeah, that too.

You never know. Yeah. I knew a guy that just kind of did that. Just got tired of people is what he did. He just fucking, I think he did it in like Maine too. It was like hardcore. There was a guy that was famous for doing it in Maine. He was a legend because they didn't know if he was real or not because he'd break into people's houses and steal shit.

And he'd live by himself for more than a decade in the woods in Maine. It was longer than that. Yeah. I remember that. You remember that story? He finally got caught. Yeah. He finally got caught.

And he said like in like the 20 years he was out there. No, because he was like in his 40s. He was right after high school. And I think one time he was walking on a trail and he just went past somebody 27 years yeah so if he never got sick so in 1986 20 year old christopher knight left his home in massachusetts drove to maine and disappeared into the woods jesus christ imagine if that's your kid like what the fuck man what happened here ad blocker oh they're gonna make you subscribe. You fucks.

Fucking National Geographic. Can't you come up with a better ad model, you twats? But yeah, that's a hard way to live. In the woods, in Maine, in a tent. Oh, yeah. Whoo. No, these people were getting mad. Like, this person figured out how to get electricity into his tent off of the telephone pole.

It's like, that's a smart dude. Yeah. Get this guy a job. And they're all like, they're acting like they're lazy. I mean, there's lazy people out there. But you draw the line at like, okay, if I don't do this, I got to live outside. Yeah. Like to look at them like they're just bums.

Well, people look at people that are doing the wrong thing like you're an outcast. And I felt this when I was a kid in the smallest way. But I kind of understand it in a way. When I was 18, when I graduated high school, I didn't do anything for a year because I was competing. And I was like, I'm just going to dedicate myself to competing and see if I can make the Olympic team by the time I was 21. That was my goal. And I also really had no idea what I wanted to study in school. And the only reason why I wind up going to school at all is because I didn't want people to think I was a loser.

So I went to college. But I remember I would tell people, like, they're like, wait, where did you go to school? Where are you going to school after graduate college? I'm like, oh, I'm taking the year off. They look at me like, oh. They didn't want to hang out with me anymore. Like, literally, they wanted to not talk to me. Like, I could sense it. Like, I might as well want to hang out with me anymore like literally they wanted to not talk to me like i could sense it like i might as well hang out with me and my friends we would

have welcomed you junior colleges and shit like that the friends i had were the same way they none of them even bothered going to school they all went into construction yeah friends from high school they all like my friend jimmy both my friends friends Jimmy Dottilio and Jimmy Lawless. One became an electrician and one became a carpenter. Those were my good friends in high school outside of my fighting friends. But it was that feeling that you got of just being an outcast. And that was a minor outcast. Like I remember I was delivering newspapers for this lady. And she was asking me where I'm going to school and i said well you know i'm trying to figure it out i'm in the middle and she's like the feeling that she gave me of just like yeah follow the herd follow just just shucked me off like she was friendly and then all of a sudden

she wasn't just based on me saying that i didn't know what i was doing with myself yeah yeah just just talking about college and yeah. Definitely how it was back then. Well, it's, you know, Massachusetts is a different spot too because it's so goddamn cold in the winter. You can't fuck about. You got to get going. Like you can't be that guy who lays around all day.

You'll freeze to death. Like you have to eat. You have to survive. You have to struggle. They always crack me up though. The level of colleges that were there versus what me and my friends were like you know what i mean like we were just the biggest idiots and uh because there was that weird thing that whole weird thing with boston where it's just like it's these meathead sports

fans like me and then there's like harvard and mit and bu and yeah you get all these smart people coming in from other uh it's like new york like new york talks about all this great shit that they have and it's just like you have so many free agents from other states coming in there that end up doing great shit and designing the stuff but most of you guys are like me you walk around in sweatpants getting a slice of fucking pizza you have nothing to do with this architecture so i always thought that that was uh you know i've actually i don't know this weird thing is i i really really miss being back in uh massachusetts and i i would say what it was because i don't know now now i'm just fucking old so just been like thinking a lot of uh i just think we're doing this whole like, I've just had the time to finally,

after the second you decided you're going to be a comic, it's just like you just jumped in this river and it just takes you and all of a sudden this happens and it's like you can't do stand-up for a long time and after you're done cleaning up your house

and doing shit like that, you kind of got to sit down and be like, all right, so what did i do over these last few years and how the fuck did i end up out here in this place that's gonna i guess burn for months now um it's burning again it's on fire again yes it's saying yeah well yeah that happens out here too buddy oh yeah not that much right here in austin they had like a biblical level drought out here for like two, three years. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. Lake Travis

shriveled up so bad you could see like people's dock. Like, oh, get a lakefront house. They get a lakefront house. And then it was hundreds of yards of just ground before the water started. I know. It's kind of funny how people think that they're, like,

because of those imaginary lines of states that that's not like this disease that's gonna fucking work its way across i don't want to talk about that shit it's too dark that's why i'm watching old burt reynolds movies but you're right about this giving you a chance to think about things because you you can get caught up in the momentum of your life a lot of people do when they get corporate jobs too you know they get these jobs and that's i've talked to people actually that are sort of rethinking their own career out you know not show business people because of this because they've been working from home and then they've been thinking about what they're doing like this office life is super

unhealthy and they're like you know i could have been working from home all along i'm actually more productive this way and then they start thinking about you know i could be working for myself like why don't I start a consulting business or start a this or start my own business? There's a lot of people that are... It is amazing how the whole deal is set up that you don't even have time to think. Yeah.

Like, that's for your deathbed. Mm-hmm. Okay, let me just lay here as I'm fucking breathing my last breath to sort of assess what the hell this was right if you want to compete if you want to compete in the marketplace there's so many people out there that are just going guns blazing pedal to the floor there's two deathbed stories that i heard all right one of them was uh should i tell the sad one or the the cool one first it's up to you

okay i'll tell the cool one first okay we'll land to you. Okay, I'll tell the cool one first. Okay. We'll land in a dark place. So, I remember hearing Lou Reed, when Lou Reed was on his deathbed, he was just sitting there relaxed, smiling with this look

of like wonderment, like enjoying this, like your last experience. Yeah. I'm going to experience death and he was open to it and had like a little

smile on his face and it's just like okay that's how i would like to go out not being like oh fuck oh fuck and then there was another one i almost don't even want to say the fucking name i'm not gonna it was this famous guy and he he was a child star and i don't think he ever got past that you know the ups and downs but i was here and now i'm only here but he's still like doing these huge shows but he's not as big as he was and his his final words were so much wasted time and if you look at his career it wasn't he worked his ass off but then i'm that's what scares the shit out of me i'm like so much wasted time dude you played fucking theaters for 40 years selling out and made millions of dollars

and you came out the other side with the of with of that was saying so much wasted time so that's kind of making me look at like uh you know it's it's this is weird sort of thing with what we do like oh it's exciting and stuff and but you know you kind of also sit back like all right well i'm doing if i if i do that too much and something else suffers or did i i take the time like uh you know i have a pool i'm never in it so it's just this expensive puddle like what am i doing with this fucking thing and it's like someone comes over to maintain your puddle dude and that was the dream i remember like living in play fucking new york no air conditioners like someday i'm gonna get a fucking house and i'm gonna have a fucking pool and on a goddamn day like this i'm gonna fucking

jump into that thing and uh yeah and on hot days like that i'm not i'm fucking sitting in my office you know working with there's something to be said about that because that's what you're supposed to do as a dad and everything but then um you know there's also that other thing it's like if you work too much do you end up being that guy laying there you probably will yeah you know the thing about those guys well if you work too much i'm saying i think those guys that uh that's so so much wasted time guys you know they're they also it's very difficult when you're in a competitive business like show business to pay attention to just yourself and just like enjoy your experience and be in the moment. Everybody is looking at themselves through the eyes of the success of other people. Like I remember when I was on news radio, the staff, everybody, the crew, the cast rather,

everybody else besides me had a background in show business. All I had to do, I only had a background in stand-up. I'd never taken acting classes other than a few private classes they made me take when they gave me a development deal. So I didn't understand the culture of acting. And I remember I was on the set and they would read Variety or they would read whatever those show, Hollywood Reporter set and they would read variety or they would read you know whatever those show hollywood reporter and they would read about people getting deals and they

would read about how well friends was doing and how well this is doing and they get so mad and i and i would i would go why are you reading that like you're reading the devil's rag i go you guys are upset i go last time i checked i'm on fucking tv i know i'm a 27 year old kid and i'm on tv because that was such a well-written well-respected show that didn't get quite the yeah shine that it should have i felt i felt because that was a really really really good show with like a ridiculous level talented cast and there's always those things but that's something you have to learn in this business that you just have to accept that like,

you know, I equate a lot of things to like music that, you know, you'll have like some pop star, you know, some young guy or girl's gonna come out, prime of their life, good looking, singing some, you know, bubblegum shit is always gonna sell more than this other thing. And you just have to, have to be okay with that. Yeah.

Because it's like if you want to sell that, yeah, you got to go do that bubblegum shit. And if you don't want to do that, don't fucking sit there and look at it and be upset. Comparison is a thief of joy. It's a famous quote, but it's an awesome one. It really is. I've lived that for a while.

Yeah, a lot of people do. Especially show business. Show business, that's a common thing amongst comics it's uh you would see it this this gleam of jealousy but i think also a part of this there's good aspects of jealousy and that you can feel bad that you're not getting something that other people are getting and then it makes you work harder but then once you've achieved like a level of success where it's measurable, where you're like, hey, look, you're paying your bills.

You're doing shows and people are coming to see you. You're doing great. Just concentrate on the work. Then concentrate on the work. Concentrate on being at your best. Don't concentrate on how well this guy is doing and how well that. I remember when Dane Cook was killing it. There were so many haters.

And not just because of all the real reasons to be a hater but also just because of his success was so astronomical i remember people would just fume thinking about dane cook selling out arenas it would drive them crazy and i remember thinking like just concentrate on getting better like concentrating your act like when i kind of focused on just beyond that i focused on doing what i thought that i i that i would i wanted to do like i don't give a shit like i'm gonna i'm gonna make this thing and i don't give a fuck if five people see this i want to do this and then all of a sudden it just changed my perspective on the whole thing where it's just like oh you know this is just like, like you don't have to try to do everything. Yeah.

And if this is like really hitting, you don't have to go do that. It's like, well, I kind of want to go over here and just do this thing. And I was talking to you about like standup earlier. And over the summer, I was lucky enough that Dave Chappelle invited me to come out and do a couple shows out in his place out there in Ohio.

And going out there and getting in front of a crowd where there was no cell phones. And I knew that this was just going to be for them. Yeah. And I didn't have to worry about all this shit. It suddenly reminded me of how fun stand-up used to be before all the joke police came out to complain about shit that happened at a show that they weren't at. And I was it was sort of this thunderclap moment was just like I have been doing stand up wrong for like five years. I've been as far as not I thought that I didn't say what I wanted to say. I was looking over my shoulder as I was doing it.

Literally telling jokes going like, is this going to be the one? Right. Yeah. shoulder as I was doing it literally telling jokes going like is this going to be the one right yeah and then just doing his gig for three days I was like it took me back to uh being at the Boston Comedy Club in New York back when you know I would watch a young Dave Chappelle and and uh all of the guys down there and I was just and ever since then in august it was like oh yeah like this isn't theirs this is mine and there's meaning these fucking assholes who are sitting there like like i'm on uh shark tank and i'm trying to sell them something or whatever and it's just like no this this is just i'm just up here i'm not doing anything i'm just up here fucking around saying crazy shit that I think's funny, trying to make you laugh.

But my act is mine. You know what I mean? This is my shit to say. If you like it, you like it. If you don't, there's 100,000 comedians. Go find the fucking one that you like. But you also have to accept the fact that if you're going to do something

that people don't like, there's going to be a certain amount of people that because of social media first of all people are addicted to posting they love it they love posting things they do it all day long they get a juice out of it and then on top of that if they could post about something that's that that rings true with outrage especially if they could take you out of context and it rings with outrage then people will click on that it'll get a lot of likes so it's it's inevitable that if you talk about controversial subjects like you know i understand it but my thing is

is to not just completely let go of that like oh is that what you're doing is that how you took it great i'm going on to my next show and i'm not i'm i'm going to continue doing that bit and i'm going to expand on it because that's what i want to do because it makes me happy and this is what i think is funny and if you don't think it's i respect it but like i ever since that chappelle show gig i've just been like oh yeah this used to be fucking like that's great like this awesome thing wild thing that nobody other than the people in the room you had to worry about people leaving the room and getting mad at you. That's not funny.

People would get upset. But there's always going to be one or two. If you have 450 people in a room, there's going to be one or two that get pissed off. Now they drive away. It's fucking hilarious. Back their car up and they just... They have drive-in shows. Yeah, they drive-in shows.

I've had a few of those. Bert is the pioneer of that. Bert is the guy. He doesn't get enough credit for that burt kreischer he invented these fucking drive-in shows he loves doing stand up and he was trying to figure out a way to keep doing stand up during the pandemic and he came up with the idea of driving shows he was the first guy to do i don't know if one of his agents or managers or someone no no he kept trying to talk me into doing them and i was just like

i don't know man i got too much scar tissue from doing jokes doing jokes in front of crowds like this just took me back to doing um i was looking at them like that that reminds me of doing nooners at colleges but i didn't understand that it's a different dynamic yeah we're back when you would do a nooner at a fucking cafeteria to college those people didn't want to show They wanted to eat and talk to their friends and all of a sudden you're up there, hey, what's up with stuff? You know?

Fuck, I'm trying to study or hit on this chick or whatever. But those shows, as much as they look like hell gigs, they're like the greatest crowd ever because they're so into comedy that they're willing to sit in their car and listen to it.

And it's the weirdest thing ever they're like it's the worst you like a year ago it's like this is the worst fucking setup ever for comedy but it's the greatest crowd ever and then ends up being like this great show do they do it through the radio is that what they're doing i haven't done the drive-in ones i've done i've done parking lots i did a patch of grass behind a motel, which was an incredible show. Where was that? I felt, I don't know, somewhere in Connecticut. And this woman, they kind of had this white noise thing,

and the thing was broken. And I was in the middle of doing my set, and people were sitting on the grass, and there was no stage. So I felt like we were all going to take out tambourines. It felt like some hippie thing. And I was standing behind this motel doing this shit it was like you know maybe like 35 40 people there and this lady comes walking over with the dog and she starts talking to the

guy running it and then she just sort of walked it was so not a show that she wasn't even self-conscious and she just walked up she's like you know you're talking way too loud and just like to you yeah like i was her neighbor it was fucking hilarious and then i was trying to be like all right sorry i'll try to keep it down i felt bad you know i don't know and then she walked away i know she started wagging her finger at me and then that of course got me going like don't fucking wag your finger at me i've been polite polite. Okay. And then she walked away. Yeah. But then I watched her walk and I started making fun of her house.

I was doing this whole bit on split entries that I can't remember. They had a new roof with old shutters. I was saying that's like buying a new suit with old shoes. You ruin the whole thing. I was just trashing it because I thought it was her house. And I found out she lived across the street and then the person who owned the house was actually on the porch listening enjoying the show and i was shitting all over his house and i felt like i'm feeling really bad about it because what's funny is with all of this shit is i don't do

this shit to make you feel bad i'm trying to to make you feel good. That's the funny thing about it. So like when people take it a certain way, I'm not this heartless person that just goes like, you know, I remember way back in the day, I did a bit and I made this woman cry and I felt fucking horrible. I just didn't have the emotional ability to handle it because she was right.

I mean, that's like, i wasn't doing it about but it touched too much on her life and where she was it happened to me twice i remember this woman came up to me and she's like plane crashes aren't funny and left i was like oh my god oh yeah and i wish that i was mature enough to be like, I am so sorry, you know? You know, but not like I shouldn't have done the bit, but it's just like I should have had like empathy there. I didn't know what to do. And of course, back then, you know, all my comic friends, we were all like, you know, in our 20s, you know, broken toys at that point,

crawling out of whatever the fuck happened that made you a comedian. So asking them for advice was not the right thing to do i would have been like fuck you bitch and even then i was just like really that's what you would have said because there was that that thing back then where it's just i'm gonna hurt you before you hurt me that type of shit so also you had to be hardcore yeah i remember there was like a big like when we were coming up there was this badge of honor that you walked a room yes

one of my favorite shows I ever saw Bill Hicks walked a room one of my favorite shows I ever saw it was Bill Hicks went on after this guy

who was a nice guy but he was a hack and the hack was doing I mean he was doing the whole thing just dunking donuts cops jokes

cartoon characters smoking pot. Classic rock. Classic rock is good music. You know what I mean, though? They became a formula after a while. Yeah, exactly. Sing about a car, sing about a woman. Yeah, play Freebird.

Yeah, but this guy was doing this whack comedy set and it got a good amount of laughs like ah people liked it and then hicks went up and he went up and immediately philosophical and brooding and pacing the stage and they fucking hated him and as they as they hated him fitzsimmons and i were in the back of the room i'll never forget this fitzsimmons and I were in the back of the room. I'll never forget this. Fitzsimmons and I, to this day, talk about this. We were laughing when people were getting up and leaving, because we were 21, right? We were straight open micers.

Oh, wow. And we were sitting there watching. This was when Hicks just started to come off of HBO. So it was around 88, 89-ish. And he is doing these bits. And as he's doing these bits we're laughing harder and more people are leaving so there's like maybe 10 of us in the back comics and people that work at the club at nick's comedy stop and then people are just getting up in droves and walking out the end of the night there's fucking 30 people out of what's nixon it was

packed 300 like 400 400 if they got them all the way behind that bar yeah way in the back yeah so out of all those people there was maybe 30 or 40 people left and and the 10 comics in the back howling laughing and to this day is one of my favorite sets ever because guys bomb and you feel them bombing like you feel it like you feel for them and it hurts like like i can't watch open mic nights when people bomb because i think oh my god nothing can be funny like the worst thing for me i know and they don't know how to get out of it it's oh it just takes you back to when you were doing that going like uh well i just remember those car rides home by yourself

trying to shout your set out of your head i hate myself that was the worst but open mics like the worst was when i would go on the road and say i'd do a gig in florida and they'd have a local opener and i'd watch like two minutes of the guy said i'd be like oh my god this is impossible there's nothing nothing is funny it's impossible to be funny. Some of the opening acts, like in fucking Tampa or somewhere, they were so bad, you couldn't imagine anything could be funny. It was a race.

I had to close my head. I had to leave the room. I had to shut the door, the green room, and hope I didn't miss my intro, because it was so bad. And then you would go on stage, and you'd have this look in the people's eyes, just beaten down by life, because they listened to 20 minutes of utter horse shit.

That wasn't the case with Hicks. With Hicks, it was like he was doing this stuff that was just not on the same vibe as the guy before. The guy before was on this dumb, like real obvious, straight down the middle. Yeah, he's doing the pop shit. Real poppy vibe. It wasn't good either, but it was getting some laughs. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, yeah, it's a good one.

Like that kind of stupid shit. And then no one knew who Hicks was, but he never lost confidence. It was amazing. It was amazing. Yeah, you were on a mission. Yeah. He was doing this long bit about taking a shit. He was doing this long bit about the devil has sex with, I think it was the devil has sex with John Davidson from That's Incredible.

And shits out someone else. And this is a long bit about shitting out this this other demon and he's like squatting on the toilet like oh yeah he was talking about i think that was the thing talking about like uh what they give you to watch on television yeah yeah yeah but it was that it was satan the satan was programming the whole thing so he's he's doing this bit where it's like i'm telling you he's making shit sounds for like two minutes. Just squatting and making these shit sounds. It's a long shit sound. In front of people that probably like John Davidson.

They're getting up and leaving in droves. And he looks up. I'll never forget this. I mean, not covering his ass, not making excuses, not pretending he doesn't give a fuck. Genuinely didn't give a fuck. He looks up. He goes, yep, this generally clears the room just watching people just get up and sets he's like squatting and and fitzsimmons and i crying laughing he never lost confidence it was crazy

i was like how is this guy so confident how is he so relaxed and never adjusted his material to the crowd like his material was that you know what what we're doing with our culture with our lives is empty and vapid and meaningless and that uh that we're we're ruining we're ruining god's creation. We're ruining Earth. And people are like, I don't want to hear this. I got to go to work tomorrow. I'm a fucking longshoreman. And they get up and, but never lost it.

You know, they're right. Some people are just like, well, you know, I don't look at the world that way. I don't want to listen to this. I'm leaving. All right, see you later. And then he keeps doing what he's doing. Well, they didn't know who he was. What is this thing here?

This is made out of like a symbol. This thing? Yeah, right here. Well, they didn't know who he was. What is this thing here? This is made out of like a symbol? This thing? Yeah, right here. Oh, this. Yeah, this is a chimp skull that is actually made out of a thimble. Yeah, check that out. A symbol, not a thimble. Thimble, thimble.

Sorry. Symbol. Symbol. What is it? Thimble is like if you're sewing. Thimble is for your thumb, right? Yeah. Symbol.

Symbol. Yeah. That's right there. That's the clip that goes viral. Thimble, symbol. Yeah. Symbol, thimble's for your thumb, right? Yeah. Symbol. Symbol. Yeah. That's right there. That's the clip that goes viral. Thimble, symbol. Yeah. Symbol, thimble. This is...

Deep Talk with Bill Burr. That's pretty dope, right? And that's amazing. That's Shane Against the Machine. It's a man who is an amazingly skilled artist. He's made me a couple things. He made me this. Remember the World War II helmet that was a lamp in the old studio?

He made that, too. He made helmets. I just remember the wolf. The wolf, too. Yeah. That's Patrick McGee. That's a special effects guy that made the werewolf. But this guy has made me a couple different skulls.

One of them I have in my office. And then he just sent this one out of the blue it says higher primate on the bottom of it it's got my higherprimate.com logo that thing lived a good life a relaxed life you can tell the chimp yeah how can you tell because it's canines aren't followed filed down it wasn't grinding its teeth when it was sleeping grinding its teeth when you sleep that's what i did as a kid did you have to have a mouthpiece uh no you know some one time they gave me a mouthpiece um they realized they didn't realize that it was happening when i was a kid it didn't happen but you know when i was an adult it was done so then i got it and it just ended up they didn't do it right so it changed my bite my jaw

started come popping out so i just stopped wearing it. Then I just sort of, I just popped it back in and I was fine. I have, I had all these micro fractures on all these teeth, particularly on my back teeth. And my dentist was like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, what, how do you, why are all these fractures in your teeth? I realized it was from lifting weights, just biting down and lifting things. It wasn't getting punched when you were fighting? No, I wore a mouthpiece most of the time. Oh.

Almost all the time. That's what I would assume. No. You were taekwondo getting kicked in the fucking head, dude. Yeah. I would think that your mouth. There was some of that, I'm sure. That doesn't help.

I think a lot of it was from just training with just biting down, just always biting down. You weren't a more reps guy, were you? You were a more weight guy? It depends on what I was trying to do, but more weight than more reps. I'm at the age now where it's more reps than weight. Well, reps are good.

It's good. You know what else is good? Slow. Doing things slowly. Super slow sets. There's a lot of uh benefit in doing things real slow like you can make two one two three four yeah you can make a lightweight heavy if you just work out slow yeah like i do some boxing works out workouts with these five pound center mass bells center mass bells like um it's's like a circle with a handle inside the circle. Oh, you know, I was just at a gym that had those.

I was looking at like, what is that? They're great. Radio antenna? I didn't know what it was. Sorenix creates these. And I put my hands inside of these things, and I'll do this boxing workout where I'm doing it. That's a big, heavy one. I don't use them.

Oh, no, that's not what it was. That kind of shit shit it was they were smaller than that yeah the ones I use are smaller the ones I use for for boxing workouts are five pounds but they fucking blow your shoulders out and I'm doing it with uh wait just like they don't hurt you right no no no not in a bad way look at that look at that that whatever that that ab workout that chick is doing that they didn't have that shit when I was a kid. Well, maybe they did. I think Stallone did that in a movie. Just like, what are you doing? That is fucking insane.

Only gymnasts could do that back in the day. This was working out when I was a kid. Benching all the time. What can you bench? You did that. Then you did some curls. And then you did the nose breaker yeah curl things there was nothing for your back flat pull down machine huh yeah that was that that

was right dude the guy does the whole stack remember that yes there's always that guy letting it go cash slamming down and then nobody did their fucking legs no there was no leg work and there was and core really guys would do like you, you do like 10 sit-ups. That was it. It was just all about benching. Yeah, people didn't give a fuck about six-packs back then for some strange reason. I don't think we knew. There was no, and there was no, it wasn't enough.

I just remember there was just, there was roids in that powder. And those guys. Creatine? Yeah. These guys are just shaking these shakes dude guys every gym had like four or five like fucking gorillas they looked like the hulk yep they were fucking gigantic and they would get in there and just intimidate the whole gym they'd just be grabbing that thing making these fucking noises and then they would let go each gush gush and you're like are you almost done

with that and you're like dude like no matter what you did um i miss that though man i used to love gold gym and all those things world gym all of those things that they had back in the day those places are all going to go under now a lot of them are going under out here you can still go to the gym they just have a limited capacity they do a temperature check when you go in there you wear a mask and you go to the gym you have to stay i don't know what the story is in la i think there's all shut down they don't have anything open well there's a few you know well that's what they think that's part of the joke i heard is that everything's shut down but 50 at gyms still or maybe outside gyms la yeah it was like you could

no you have to stay home but you can still go to the yeah no there's still yeah it would have to be outside yeah because that's what Bradley Martin is having a problem with because Bradley Martin has a private gym like he doesn't

even he doesn't it's not even open to the public and they were still shutting his power off and turning his electrical off and ridiculous

I know that what's funny about that is I understand getting mad at the government but you also have to get mad at all these fucking assholes who are

just doing whatever the fuck they want to do there's also that these people having parties and shit and you know yeah so it's just like everybody keeps getting mad at the governor out there or whatever the fuck uh which i get because a lot of them said hey you know quarantine and do all this shit then they catch them at a party or going to a fucking restaurant after they said not to do it which i understand that but like i was like where's the other 50 where we hold ourselves accountable because everybody thinks they're a fucking doctor now my co-op drives me up the wall drives me up the wall my doctor uh shout out to dr malkin uh dr vinnie boombat hey dr abe abe malkin

good he's a good man uh he's the guy who did our covid tests in la and he arranges them all out here in texas as well he was uh doing covid tests for all these people that went to one of those uh influencer parties in hollywood he said there was like a hundred people that tested positive they went to some party fucking pack party thousands of people all mulling around and then all of a sudden they just started falling into his office a few days later all All of them are sick. Yeah, and that's the thing that, like, I want to hear small business people also bitch about them. Just hold them accountable, too, because it's just like the government's fucking this thing up,

and nobody's working together. Everybody has, like, a fucking theory. It's like we're going into it, you're playing a game, and, like, half the team is running one play, and the other half is running the other play. It's like you're not going to win. Well, there was no coordination beforehand. Nobody knew what the fuck was going on, You're playing a game and half the team is running one play and the other half is running the other play. It's like you're not going to win. Well, there was no coordination beforehand.

Nobody knew what the fuck was going on before this happened. Before January, no one had any idea that we would be dealing with something like this. So they have to sort of make it up as they go along. And then in the future, I think if another pandemic comes around, we're going to be much better prepared for it. We'll be able to lock down quicker. And the thing about the virus and the vaccine is that if this vaccine is effective and if you really can get it to people and give their immune system, we should be able to ramp things back up to fairly normal levels fairly quickly within by the time summer rolls around. I feel good about it but I've given up on the whole that people are going to come together during this

it's just like if you talk to 20 people, 20 people have 20 different opinions and 20 different game plans it's like the fucking the wild west so but I have to say for our first pandemic in a long time i

think we did pretty good we did worse than any other country we're the worst but we could have been way worse i guess it can always be worse i think what they needed to fucking concentrate on that they have in his health there's no no talk of health and that's the thing that drives me the most crazy they're not giving people tips on how to improve your health and your immune system. I know. It's an important part of why people recover faster

and why people don't. Yeah. And there's a lot of information out there. Yeah. There is a lot of information out there. It's like, how do you figure out if it's actually right? Are you going to jump on the vaccine right away? Or are you going to wait a little bit? Well, I figure Great Britain's doing it.

That was a funny bit. Yeah. I don't want to say nothing about that bit. That's a genius bit. I really enjoyed that last night. Oh, thank you. Yeah. That's a funny fucking shit.

I don't even want to talk about the subjects that you talked about because I don't want to shock anybody. I've been having so much fucking fun. You looked like you were having a good time. Yeah, just acting like a fucking idiot. Because I told you, that Chappelle thing. It's like, that's right, I'm an idiot. I don't have to be right.

I just have to be funny. That's it. That's all people want to see. Yeah. Especially today. You know, there's so many people that just want an escape. They just want some wild shit. They just want to have a good time.

And that's what I felt like last night. And to go and see you and fuck it was probably like 40 degrees outside last night it was cold as shit oh yeah that was one of the warmer days on this one i didn't realize texas gets this cold it gets cold i want to go down mexico or something yeah i was fully zipped up and fucking wearing a hat and shit and shivering but we had a couple shows in dallas where like i couldn't feel my toes and then my hand my fingers were getting all red it was just like this i felt like i was tailgating but i was like maybe like it felt like a pats game in like uh october yes um it's just kind of comment on the weather burt burt still doing these fucking shows shirtless oh he dude he's an animal he goes outside it's 30 degrees outside he doesn't said shirtless. Dude, he's an animal. He goes outside. It's 30 degrees outside.

He doesn't shed shirtless. But, Bert, remember when you used to – well, you weren't a sports guy, but they used to show those guys, you know, that would go to Chicago Bears games and not have four guys or five guys spell out Bears, right? Yeah. And Bert is – he's cut from that cloth. That guy is a – he's the machine. Yeah.

He's the machine. He's the machine. And like, I feel like guys like him are really what this time needs where it's just somebody, like Bert is one of the most fun guys. He's a fun, I'm trying to think, he's like anybody, anybody has their little down moments, but like just generally

speaking, hanging out with Bert is always fun. He is like, whatever Debbie Downer is, he is the exact, he's, like, he's the vaccine for fucking Debbie Downer. Super optimist. Yeah, and I think, like, he has, I love that guy, man. He has that thing, like, that certain comics have where he's actually concerned about other people having a good time he wants to make sure everybody's yeah having a good time and if you're not having a good time I feel like it affects him like he you know he just you know and he'll actually do something to make you laugh or something

he's a really good-hearted dude he's a great person he's a fun guy too like with those sober October things that we had done those were some of the most fun things that I would look forward to all year. We did three of those in a row, three years in a row of these Sober October challenges. Hey, I got to ask you about weed. Okay. Okay, because I haven't drank

in just a little over two years now, right? I just quit. So with this weed shit becoming legal, and I'm just hearing people talking about it, being like, well, this is the shit, man. If you want to clean your house, be high, but you still want to clean your house, or this shit here, if you just want to get fucked up,

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all this stuff. My question is, what are they putting in weed? Because weed, you should just be weed. I was never a marijuana guy, but weed was kind of weed. Wasn't it? And now there's all these different strains so i'm are they putting a bunch of is this becoming like cereal no where it's like a bunch of chemicals it's still healthy no it's just botanists it's botanists have worked on stronger strains really yeah yeah it's mostly just plant scientists exciting yeah it's

exciting so it just passed at a federal level in Congress, now it has to go to federal? Well, it has to go to the House. How does the government work here, Joe? I don't know. It doesn't seem likely. You so saved me. I was like, the federal, and then it goes to the outhouse and stuff. Jamie would be

better at explaining that. You were explaining to me what... He was the one who sent it to me. The House passed it passed it senate will be voting on it probably once they get the full senate together because i didn't realize that there was there was all this talk about like that was the thing to get into you know invest in and get into these people and i didn't realize it was this all cash business and it was a nightmare i had a buddy of mine that that that kind of got out of this business got into that and like he was sort of living like this murder mountain fucking existence where there was local gangs hostile about what. And they were kind of like, hey, man, we're just like making CBD oil for your fucking joints or whatever.

We're not selling what you're selling. And they were driving by, you know, taking shots at people. I have friends that protect those guys. I have friends too, Joe. I know you know, taking shots at people. I have friends that protect those guys. I have friends too, Joe. That is, I know you do. No kidding. But that's a crazier situation is that these guys have to bring gigantic bags of cash to the bank.

At least they did for a long time. Banks weren't accepting any credit card receipts, anything along the lines of what you would normally get. And then in some places they had to put their money in a safe deposit box because it was federally illegal. So there's a lot of banks that didn't want to have anything to do with it, especially in the early days of Colorado. So I had friends that were-

It's like the Scarface scene where he's bringing the duffel bags in. No, literally. Millions of dollars in cash, in bags. And these guys would transport it and they would hire these special forces guys. So they would hire SEALs and Rangers and these guys would transport it and they would hire these special forces guys so they would hire seals and rangers and these guys would literally be fucking strapped and loaded to the teeth and

rolling around with millions of dollars of cash and they were always worried about getting jumped they're always worried about someone breaking in like it was like hippies and peaceful people wandering like what have you got i'm looking for something in a sativa. Wanted to get high and then there's four or five. You must have had Navy SEALs and like Army Rangers on here. Oh, a bunch. A bunch of them work for me. Those guys out there

that work for me, all the guys who are security are all ex-military. But just their existence, okay? So you get into special forces and the shit that you had to survive right and then you get out of the army you're like all right i got a civilian life and i was gonna be like now you're bringing like bags of cash like you're in scarface like fucking can i get a fucking break here can i just get like a fucking sit in a booth take somebody's goddamn temperature i talked to

i talked to a lot of like uh like uh military pilots you know and this one guy uh i'm he had uh flown in the first gulf war uh helicopters and shit and i'm like oh man it must be you must be a sick-ass pilot and you know flying around out here and he's like nah i don't do it anymore i don't do it anymore i'm like why why not it's so much fun and he just goes you know after people are just like shooting at you and stuff, I just kind of like being down here. And I just remember thinking like, because I know how scared I am if I solo. There's always that, you know, it's this amazing feeling.

Although the last two times I did it, it was really relaxing. But like, just early on when you're doing it you're like what in the fuck am i doing right i can't imagine like bullets whizzing by you yeah like your first solo in this fucking thing and you got that thing over your eye you're like the fucking terminator like how long they have to train for those well those those high level apaches whatever the hell they are and then what is the thing over your eye you they have like a fucking thing dude where like you're looking out the windshield and you're also taking in information over this this it's insane it's like you're like like like a google glass like a fucking chameleon well you're looking at two

things at once and flying a helicopter and getting shot at oh my god there it is oh my god look at that what does it look like inside jamie's or can they show you a view you can buy one of those on amazon look at that how ridiculous we need to do podcasts with those on maybe that's what i'm gonna wear instead of masks you can wear one of those right what's that a motorcycle helmet if you can wear a mask why why can't you wear a big old fucking helmet everywhere oh if you ride a motorcycle you don't wear a helmet out here you don't have to you would though right fuck yeah okay jesus christ i thought you're gonna go full gary bucey no no no no but i was saying that if you wanted to wear uh you didn't want to wear a mask you could just wear a motor motorcycle helmet

but these um does it show you what what they see huh so they're just like oh so this is like when they train on those things they get like massive headaches and you gotta it's almost like building your tolerance up you know you know they say you only use a certain portion of your brain there's all this extra thing i think with that thing you're starting to you know pull back that warehouse door into the other part of your brain yeah that thing of only using a certain part of your brain, it's not totally accurate. What they used to think that you only use like 10% of your brain,

like that's actually like one of the premises, a false premise in the movie Lucy. Lucy's a movie where they give this lady, Scarlett Johansson, they give her some drug and then she turns out to be like some god at the end of the movie. She literally becomes like a god. Spoiler alert. I just remember her kicking the shit out of everybody.

Beating the fuck out of everybody. That's what I like. She knew how to fight. Yeah, that's a movie for me. She also knew how to stop physics. She knew how to stop bullets and stop... I don't want to say anymore. It's a good movie.

It's funny. I love that movie. I saw the movie, but I can't quite remember. It's a great fucking movie. But the idea is that, there it is, that you only use 10% of your brain. No, that was the other one. She played another movie where she was like a robot. What was that other movie?

Ghost in the Machine? Ghost in the Shell? Was it Ghost in the Machine? She does that a lot. Yeah. She looks a lot of ass. She's pretty goddamn hot. Anyway, the premise was that you only use 10% of your brain.

From what I understand, they used to think that, but now they have a better understanding of the different parts of your brain and what they're being used for. And there's different parts of your brain that are being used for motor skills, different parts of your brain for emotions, different parts of your brain for memory. There's a lot going on. So the idea, you only use different parts of your brain for motions, different parts of your brain for memory. There's a lot going on. So the idea you only use 10% of your brain is not real.

They never examined my brain. Yeah. I'm probably using about 11 on a good day. You know what's weird about your brain is how anybody's brain, it's about how inconsistent it is. Some days my brain is how anybody's brain it's about how inconsistent it is like some days some days my brain is fucking firing on all cylinders and words just come flying out of my mouth and i know what i'm saying i'm off today i started this podcast i couldn't talk i was you were great what are you

talking about i was like trying to remember like i couldn't even come up suburb was the word i was trying to find but don't you think it's because you did two shows last night you a little you need a little break a little rested no i'm in the middle of a 16-show run. 16? Yeah. What day did you start? Monday to Monday. You started Monday?

What did you do Monday? I did four nights in Dallas. So Monday to Thursday in Dallas? Yeah, so shows last night were 9 and 10. Wow. So this is 11, 12. Jesus Christ. I'm fucking burnt.

That's why I was so silly on the last show, the show you went to. I was being so silly. It was because that overly acting shit out and jumping up and down, squatting down, act like an idiot. That is the frustration of I'm getting sick of these jokes. So I need something new in this. But don't you think that that's what makes them hit some new play sometimes it's like you know it's i love back in the day when i was drinking i love to have who doesn't like to have four drinks all right but doing stand-up like that this is like i'm on drinks nine and ten yeah and it's just like now it's i'm gonna have a massive

hangover whatever i just i just got to get through these next few. I'm fine. I'm fine. I know the mindset I have to get in. And then, you know, my crushing need to be liked. I just know that I'm not going to take any shows off. But that's the fear as you start to get a little, I'm not a young guy.

So, I mean, this takes me back to uh you know used to do those casino gigs or like how road gigs used to be you know you'd come in you tuesday through sunday two friday three saturday and just going up and like when we were coming up because uh when i was coming up anyways you know the dip had happened so they would just paper these fucking rooms and it was just 300 fucking people and large clumps of 20 that all knew each other hammered and could give a fuck because they were looking at it like it was a free show. Yeah.

And you just went up there with like a whip and a chair trying to get these fucking people. And then there was all those always the clubs. Try not to curse too much. It's like, why don't you try not to fucking over serve everybody, you fucking assholes. It was like an impossible situation with those things

I'll tell you last show the first show last night it was pretty fucking it took me back to some of those I think there was confusion as to when the show started and people were so psyched to be out that they were drinking

like they were still in college and there was this fucking chick just screaming just nonsensical shit like a fucking banshee and i was like all right all right all right i was trying to calm her down i was i was i was i you know new techniques that i've been using like you know actually validating that i heard you shrieking does that work and then finally just had to kind of get a little mean. Something about menopause. I don't remember what.

But anyway, and then I felt bad. I was like, I don't want to do that. I just don't want to do that anymore. But then security was helping her out and she couldn't even fucking stand up, which was hilarious. Fucking, dude. People got after it last night. But then the second show, they were like the, you know, it's usually the late show, but it was the first show.

They were just like, I got a babysitter. We're fucking out. Woo! And they were just fucking, they were nuts. Well, the second show was wild, too. So the first show must have been really crazy. It was like Heavy Metal Parking Lot is what it was, except with, like, soccer moms. It was funny because it was really, it was mostly the women were like, I don't know what they were.

They were fucking going nuts. And then there was one guy, the guy trying to help the jokes. Oh. I said something about mac and cheese. He's like, you mean cheese and macaroni. Like whatever that means. And I was just like, oh, my God. Okay. Okay, buddy. macaroni like whatever that means and i was just like oh my god okay okay buddy so uh

yeah i got off stage and i was just like all right i thought dallas was going to be the hard one because we were near a highway so the first show there was like rush hour traffic and when there was also final approach of love field so every like you know you know the spacing and sequencing like every like fucking five minutes it was like a southwest landing but like it was easy to use that right i would just be like all right that sounds like that's one of those hondas with the high performance uh muffler just i just started calling out the cars as they were going by and the planes and how close were you to the highway it was one of those noise barrier walls and then there was a street but what the funny thing was was the stage was up high so the crowd i ended up

figuring out the crowd was down low and couldn't hear it the way i heard it unless it was super loud and then i couldn't really hear myself so then i started yelling and then the third show i felt a little twinge i'm like oh fuck i got like you know about a dozen shows left and i'm already doing this so then i i actually sort of adjusted how i was talking and then i kind of went away which i can't believe so um i did one weekend in houston in july and one of the things that i noticed at the end of the weekend uh by saturday night late shows like my voice is not in shape like my vocal cords are not in shape they're getting tired yeah you forget you also forget how to do it the right way and i gained a whole new respect for uh not only bands that play outdoors but also like singers because this it's a completely completely different vibe like last

night felt like an indoor show it was weird weird. Where everything else is just like, I'm trying to remember what it was like to stand up inside. I know, right? I know. With just like, I remember like the shit that would annoy me. Like the fucking, you know, when they would be running the bills and you hear that machine doing that shit. Or the blender in the back making margaritas

yeah like that that was the loudest thing you heard now it's just like all right i've had fucking jets landing i'm not gonna hear that but i've been having um so much fun and like and just seeing like uh the fact that someone would come out to see stand up in that environment under a fucking blanket. It's really like, man, people really love this shit. They love it the way I love it. They just don't do it. So it's kind of been giving me a jolt for every show. They're like, all right, if these fucking guys,

people are going to sit out here on the grass under blankets. It's not easy right now. So the people that are going to see it and the people that are doing it, they're the people that are really enthusiastic. That's what I noticed when I did shows here. I did one with Chappelle and one with Hinchcliffe and Ron White. So I did two weekends in a row, two weeks in a row. And it's like the people are very happy to be there.

It's a different feeling. Did you see that clip Ron White made of selling his house? Yeah, it's great. Oh, my God. It's very good. It's got a beautiful fucking house. Oh there it's a different it's a different feeling did you see that clip ron white made of selling his house oh yeah it's great oh my god it's very good it's got beautiful fucking house oh it's gorgeous that's the place in beverly hills yeah yeah that's like uh there was so many things that i loved about it he lives i pretty much survive on tequila and crackers tequila crackers keeps me going there was like so many like just brilliant lines in that and i was just reading the comments because i knew everybody like he's just one of those guys just everybody loves him and it was just like every was just like every real estate video should be like this it should be the person that owns the house right especially if it's ron white yeah i mean that guy is like uh i don't know i don't

know what the proper term is like a folk hero he's like a uh like he's like a character in a book but he's a real person he's he's another guy one of the most fun dudes i hung out with like as funny as he is he doesn't need to be the center of attention he's like really like listens you can have like a conversation with them and it's a real like sort of rare quality i feel like when somebody is is that funny and that good of a storyteller that they kind of enjoy like now yeah you tell a story no he's just a great guy yeah it's a great guy in general he lives out here now yeah he was uh there he is ron white and his dog mustard he looks good man living an easy life it's a fucking beautiful house. We did the show, and it was the first show. We did it at Vulcan Gas Company.

What a fucking head of hair. I know. Gorgeous, right? Go back to that. I mean, I just look at that going like, God, damn. It's perfect. It's got a perfect head of hair. Whatever DNA I didn't get went onto his side of the fucking boat, man.

Look at that. Luxurious. Ten years older than us. I mean, that looks as good as his house. Yeah. Glorious silver locks with his numero one tequila. Look at him. Look at him.

All red from being out there golfing. Who's having more fun than that guy? Very few humans. Look at that. It's the middle of the day. Yeah. It's probably a Tuesday. Yep.

Just drinking, having fun. Yeah, I went over his house out here and we were supposed to go to dinner and he said,

come to the apartment, hang out in the apartment first. So I go up to his apartment and he's like, you want a margarita? They got a pitcher of margaritas and him and his girl are just pouring margaritas

and I'm like, all right, let's do this. We're doing this. Okay, let's go. Yeah. It's like he's always in cancun

he's living the life man he is so we did this gig and he hadn't done stand up in the the entire time during the pandemic hadn't done anything and uh he's like man i think i'm retired and uh he's thinking you know like i don't need to do this i had a long life and it's not sold this and selling that i'm gonna sell my this i'm gonna sell my that i'm just gonna he's got his money i love hearing that so we do we do this gig he fucking crushes i mean he's done stand-up in eight months right he but he had been like obsessively going over his he'll he'll pretend like he doesn't give a fuck he gives a fuck all right he's an artist he really cares but part of his art is not giving a fuck so he he's going over his material. He's got fucking headphones on, listening to his bits. He's taking notes all day, apparently.

Crushes. I mean, crushes. Vulcan Gas Company, this place out here. And afterwards, I get off stage. He grabs me by the shoulder. He goes, we are fucking doing this again. He goes, whatever we got to do. Whatever we got to do.

You're going to fucking open up a club. We're going to make this happen, Joe Rogan. I go, I'm going to open up a club, Ron White you're gonna fucking open up a club we're gonna make this happen Joe Rogan I go I'm gonna open up a club Ron why don't worry about it we're gonna make this happen he goes whatever the fuck we got to do to do that again yeah cuz you got it's fixed again yeah whoa and when when they when they went nuts when he went on stage and they went nuts when he went off stage and you could tell us like he had a glow about him when he walked into the green room it's like yeah he was just elevated oh speaking of which dude i hate to cut this let's cut it off a little bit short i just don't worry you got shows you got shows listen i appreciate you coming in here man it was fun it was fun last night seeing you doing stand-up was a

juice it was a jolt in my arm too it was fun it was exciting just fun to just sit down and watch the show dean del rey was hilarious dean del reray's got some great bits it was really fun really fun and just watching you two guys and watching your set man it was so enjoyable to see a guy who's out there in this touchy time because people look as much as we pretend we don't give a fuck people are sensitive to criticism you know it's and this is a time where you get criticized you get criticized in a ruthless horrible way and people pile on oh he's a this and he's a that and and i know people have done it to you but to see you out there fucking throwing haymakers just haymakers it was fun man you you didn't take there was no corners cut you weren't pulling back any punches.

You were throwing bombs. That's what everybody should be doing. That's what everybody should be doing. I'm glad you're up there. Whatever that version of you is, is what you should be doing. Because I would never tell another comic what they should and should be saying. And that's one of the most heartbreaking things about all of this. I get it when it's just groups. But to see other comics piling on trashing other comics

i equate that back to like um back when they had the big the red scare and directors would turn in other directors and actors would go after other actors and shit it's just like that's exactly you are a fucking cowardly piece of shit yeah to do that to another fucking especially if you weren't there and you don't know what the fuck happened yeah and your attack you know or you wait till something happens to them and it's your excuse to get your little bitter comment in about their fucking act you are a steaming pile of shit a hundred percent and i've cut a lot of people out of my life because i don't even talk to like i had one of the one of those people came up to me hey bill how you doing you had a kid and you know how's your family and i'm thinking my head like you give a fuck that i have

a family all it would take was one comment and you would help fucking take me down yeah go fuck yourself 100% you're a piece of shit

that's how I feel I couldn't agree more I'm glad you're out there brother I love you I love you too brother alright man goodbye everybody see ya

bye Thank you.