The Joe Rogan Experience - #1594 - Yannis Pappas

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

Yannis Pappas is a stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He is the co-host, with Chris Distefano, of the "History Hyenas" podcast, and host of the "Long Days" show on YouTube.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day hello joe rogan good to see you here good to see you nice to uh have you in texas yeah not well it's been yeah this is nice i'm trying to work on being a better New Yorker by not comparing everything the first day to New York. That's how New Yorkers are. Every time you go to a new city, you're like, ah, this is like the Brooklyn of, this is like the Queens of,

this is like the Brooklyn Bridge of. Yeah, this is a different animal down here. Yeah. It's like hipsters who have guns. I like it. That's a good way of putting it yeah hipsters with concealed carry permits yeah i hung out last night with one of the dudes from the drinking bros podcast oh okay and uh yeah he was like i'm gonna walk home in the park

and then he made a joke he was like yeah if anyone talks to me i'll just shoot him and he was like don't worry i haven't killed anyone stateside i was like he means that shit yeah yeah so it's uh i went to terry's too terry black's is that uh yeah black's barbecue yeah yeah that was the best uh brisket i've ever had in my entire life yeah people say that oh you gotta go to this place i'm like no i don't if barbecue is better than that i don't want it i don't i just like you can't i don't know how you can get better i mean i don't want to ruin my life if barbecue is better than that i don't want it I don't I just like You can't I don't know how you can get better I mean I don't want to ruin my life If barbecue's better than that

I don't know how I'm gonna Eat anything else Yeah It's It was the best I've ever had And they were telling me It's the fourth best So I was like

Who says that? That's what they were saying They were going like You gotta go to This other Yeah they always do that here though You gotta go to Franklin's Cause you gotta wait in line

I've had Franklin's It's fucking amazing It's really good It's not that much've had Franklin's It's fucking amazing It's really good It's not that much different Right I mean It's just all great The brisket at Terry Black's

Is fucking insane Yeah They slice it It's sopping wet The juices are pouring out of it You eat it It's melting in your mouth You don't need any teeth

To chew it Yeah It's tender What the fuck is better than this? How does it get better? Yeah you can A baby You can feed it to a baby

It'll go down Yeah you don't need teeth Just throw it in the gums And it yeah It melts It's so good And did you have their beef ribs No we had the sausage

With the cheese in it Oh that's good Yeah that was real good Jalapeno cheddar Yeah Bro the beef ribs You pick up the rib And you try to hold the rib up

And it just slides off the rib And slops onto the plate Oh that's nice. Yeah. It was so good. They gave me a tour of the smokers. They have someone make their own smokers out of propane tanks. So there's these giant propane tank smokers.

It's next level down. Austin, you could tell, is kind of like the way Brooklyn was when it started. You're doing it. You're doing it. I'm doing it right now. Yeah, I just fucking did it. Yeah. I'm like retarded New York.

We're like, we think we're better than everyone and we're just, we're, it's just all bravado. Like we can't do anything except you take us out of New York and we're like, where am I? Where's the, where's the bodega? Where's the, where can I get a slice? We can't. But at its best, New York is the ultimate city. At its best, it's the ultimate place.

It really is. It's jammed with people. There's a million different flavors. There's all kinds of different restaurants and neighborhoods. And it's a legitimate melting pot where you get on the subway. There's millionaires next to homeless people. And everybody's together. And everybody walks down the street together.

And that is one thing that separates it and makes it superior to Los Angeles. Los Angeles is isolated. Everyone's isolated in their little community, isolated in their car. They drive to a place. They give their key to a valet. They don't mingle as much. In New York, people are out there. They're mingling.

It's true. I went to school in D.C., and that was the first time i left new york and i realized how segregated that city was and in new york people are forced to interact with each other just because it's a walking city yeah and so you got to take the train i mean you crazy to try to drive across town it'll take you longer to go across town than it will to let go to another state so it's like yeah you're forced to mingle and see and it is a universe crammed into one it is kind of unique that way where you kind of actually meet a peruvian person or like someone who's half from bolivia half you go to other places it's like mexicans you know new york it's like you find you you learn about countries you didn't even know was existing like you're from uganda all right that's a country all right and you can go toatown, and you might as well be in Asia.

You will get legit Chinese food at 2 o'clock in the morning. They got a fish tank. They'll scoop the fish out and kill it in front of you. Yeah. Cook it. I mean, it's as fresh as it can be. Yeah. I mean, it's an amazing place when it's at its best.

My worry is that it's not going to be that place again. It's not right now. I mean, I was about to say, do you ever go to Chinatown in the summer? It gets hot and it gets weird. Yeah. The smells. Yeah, you wish you'd lose your smell from COVID during that.

I mean, that shit stinks. It's like New York's asshole. Well, I remember in New York when the garbage workers were on strike and I was in Harlem. I was in Harlem because a friend of mine who was a professional pool player was going there to meet this guy who was a pimp who was also a pool hustler. And he would bet high. And so we went to this pool hall in Harlem.

And, dude, I'm not exaggerating by saying the garbage was stacked seven feet high. And there was rats running all over the place because no one had picked up the garbage. So people would go outside, put a bag of garbage, go back inside, and the garbage would just keep stacking. And for, I don't know how long the strike lasted, but for as long as it lasted, it was bizarre. Like, you'd be like, Jesus, that's a rat.

That's another rat. How many fucking rats are here? There was so many rats. I would think that they would go and strike more because they have such leverage oh yeah like they could just be like all right you know you want this city to stink worse the problem is it's a good job and other people will jump in yeah that's true but then that's when you got to do the picket line and break people's heads and go old school you know that's what you got to unionize and how much does a garbage worker get paid they get paid because nobody wants to know that's what you gotta unionize and how much does a garbage worker

get paid they get paid because nobody wants to do that's it you have to be strong right you gotta have a high tolerance for smell smell yeah i bet your immune system gets fucking pumped up that's the one thing about being a new yorker like that's why i was surprised i got so sick with covid because i was like i've been eating rat piss for a year every time you order out there's like a little rat piss on it a little rat shit and a lot of a little rat piss you a year. Every time you order out, there's like a little rat piss on it. A little rat shit and a little rat piss. Cheers, by the way. Thank you for giving me a stick. You are a fantastic follow on Twitter.

You're hilarious, but I worry about your mental health. Yeah, me too. Because you tweet so much. I'm like, Sean, this is really funny and I don't want to tell him to stop doing this, but goddamn, this is not good

because I know he's probably reading replies. Yeah. Yeah, I got that thing where I don't – it doesn't seem like I'm – it seems like a lot of us get infected by that where we just – we start – we see the reply and we're like, motherfucker. Exactly. No, fuck you. No, fuck you. And then you're going, what am I doing? And, you know, in the beginning of a comic's career, in particular, it's a crucial tool

because people can see your funny writing. They can see your perspectives. But there's a lot of people that I follow, especially during COVID, I can watch their descent into madness. And I watched them arguing with people about shit and yelling and being, like, really uncivil. And I'm like, God damn, like, I know you. You're not this guy. Like, what are

you doing like you want to go hug him yeah it's a it's a it's a negative evil place and actually i think the first time we communicated i jumped in when you were arguing with uh like some woke chick who was just trying to get you and i just started like asking her questions and then you like personally messaged you like hey man thanks for having my back so you see you it was that was positive reinforcement that was years you should have told me you should be like hey man you shouldn't you shouldn't have done that it was years ago it was uh i was before i swore off yeah you did the right thing it's i had to i got it got untenable for me it's like uh and also i realized like i'm not getting anything i'm just honest with myself i'm not getting any uh anything

out of this i'm not getting getting any progress with my head. You just slide. I never come out of those feeling good, even if I trample somebody. I never feel like, yeah, that was worth doing. It's always like, why did I do that? I don't even want to do that. I don't even want to trample somebody. I want to find them and talk to them one-on-one,

and I guarantee we would have a reasonable discussion yeah you know it's like it's just the worst way to communicate with people i remember once i was like doing some uh one night and i was pulling over on the side of the road to finish an argument and i was like this i was just actually pulling over on a highway to be like wait a second i just thought of a good point let me get this guy I don't know about who's probably like gonna not get it and yeah that's when I knew I had a problem that's why I love your show cause it's like it's the opposite

of Twitter it's like the total opposite of these pithy little wait fuck ad tweet ad tweet fuck I gotta take the the out to make my point this is like you get to really express yourself, get to know somebody. That's what's great about it. Yeah, that's what's great about podcasts. You know, it's just – and ironically enough,

podcasts probably inspire the most hate tweets ever. Right. Because people aren't in this room, and then they're hearing some of the things you say or I say or one of the guests says, and they're like, no, they tweet it yeah you know yeah if you don't read it doesn't affect you yeah but also the another reason i love this show is um i always just i always wondered like when i would watch a late night show i'd be like why the fuck do i care about what gail gadot has to say about anything it's gal i don. I don't even fuck, you know.

She's a wonder woman. She's hot. Yeah, but I mean, like, she's an actress. Yes. What interesting thing could she say besides me looking at her, wanting her, the same reason why she's famous, you know? Like, I'd rather hear from an astrophysicist or a fucking astronaut or, you know, Elon Musk.

I mean, it's the only show that has Mion and Elon Musk. I was talking to Jamie. I was like, you're probably getting, like, calls from big publicists, like's the only show that has Mion and Elon Musk. I was talking to JV, I was like, you're probably getting calls from big publicists like, hey, we want to have Matt Damon

and you're like, no, we got to have this small crazy comedian from New York. I would have Matt Damon. I like Matt Damon a lot. Yeah,

he's a cool dude. I like him a lot. But he's an interesting guy that happens to be an actor. I had Matthew McConaughey on. He's one of the most interesting people I talked to. He's a fascinating guy

who happens to be an actor. There's a lot of people that happen to be actors and maybe Gal Gadot is one of them. I don't know. I don't think so, but I might be wrong.

We shit on her hard, me and Tom Segura, when they released that Imagine video. Oh, that was the best. I felt bad. We went hard. Nobody cares about America

more than actors in Hollywood. They're such patriots, don't they? Well, you know what it was we were talking about? It's like they just didn't have any attention for a long time. And because of COVID, everything was locked down. There was no movies. There was no interviews.

So they needed something to get their name out there. And so they attached themselves to that. And then there was another one that they did, the black and white one where they were talking about race. Yeah, that was a good one. That was the dumbest one ever. I will no longer tolerate it. It's like, what are you tolerating now?

What kind of shit was happening in your life before that you were just letting slide? What were you doing? Yeah, how bad were you being? I love how they made it black and white. I would love to be there during that medium where they watched it and they were like, no, no, no, it's not earnest enough.

Yeah, it's probably Stanley Tucci. We have to make this black and white. It's gotta be black and white, yeah. You gotta make it look indie, yeah, low budget. The problem is when a really good actor that you really respect and enjoy does that, anytime you see them in the future, you're going to think about that video, and you're going to be like, you silly person. Yeah, yeah.

You're silly. Yeah. You silly goose. Speaking of silly gooses, we were talking about Tim Dillon and his battle with Airbnb. Yeah. So Tim Dillon, who does a lot of renting with Airbnb, apparently left some dishes. That's it. Just left some dirty dishes.

That's his side of the story. We don't know what he was coming on, who he had over. Yeah. Good point. Yeah. I don't think that was the complaint, though. No. I'm just saying.

The real issue was not even just that, he left dishes behind which you shouldn't you're supposed to clean the dishes yeah that's on tim but then afterwards he did a long podcast where i believe he said their names yeah and uh made reference to their sexual orientation which he's allowed to do being a gay man that but he doesn't seem like a gay guy yes so it throws a lot of people off he kind of he kind of comes off as like he was molested gay. Like he was straight and then they got to him. Yeah, he got got. Well, he comes off as a fucking Republican from Long Island.

Yeah. That's what he comes off as. Yeah. Yeah. He is that. Yeah. I don't know. He's down the middle.

He just like is this true comedian and he goes after everybody. Oh, yeah. But he'll tell you when he was younger, he would be sitting in his car listening to rush lomba like fucking yeah we got to honor our contract with the people of iraq you know he'll tell you that yeah yeah yeah long islands my my wife is from long island i mean you know her everyone of her family they're all trump i mean it long island's its own country it is it's nine million people back there in Brooklyn's ass. And it's like they're their own country. They don't go anywhere else.

They don't leave. They watch a TV and they just, yeah, they don't even watch Fox now. That's like CNN. They're like, George Soros bought that. We're watching this QAnon network now. The OAN network. Dude, New York is closed down. New York's closed down. Fucking Long Island is wide open.

Is it really? You could go to a restaurant. Really? People aren't wearing masks. It's nuts yeah are they allowed to or are they just doing it under the radar I think Long Island just kind of goes like fuck you you know fucking Long Island yeah we're going out and fucking Long Island yeah really fucking these cucks interesting interesting yeah I always enjoyed working in Long Island and then um in the 80s or I guess it was the 90s actually when I came to New York there was this weird sort of superiority complex that people had about New York City

like you either work the city or you were a hack and I was always like god damn I guess I'm a hack because I need to do the road like that's where you make money like I would work the city and I would do gigs in the city and I'd make like 15 for a 15 minute set and i was like okay how many of these i have to do right to pay my fucking rent right i don't remember it was 15 bucks but i remember danger fields was slightly more so i did danger fields but when you did danger fields they didn't count it like that's not really the city yeah it's right it's in the fucking city like what are you talking about it was the city in 1977 they should put that in the address like we're on first avenue in 1983 great club though it's closed unfortunately but the thing was it went under from covid it went under yeah it is are

they planning on reopening i heard they were i hope so i hope so you know it's a great place but you know yeah when you go to work danger fields they would like you'd have to wait you know because yeah like you said in new york you're running around doing sets and like lately when i would go there like once in the blue moon or you're like let me just fill this spot they would like you'd have to wait you know because yeah like you said new york you're running around doing sets and like lately when i would go there like once in the blue moon or you're like let me just fill this spot they would uh pay you in check so you'd have to like wait but they would write it they wouldn't have it for you so you do your set and then you're just like waiting for your check by the bar and uh you gotta run to another set and like you're just waiting for the check and there's a few times I was just like, you know what, fucking keep the 25 bucks. I would do Dangerfields just for their cheeseburgers.

They had the best fucking cheeseburgers. They would have ground steak cheeseburgers. I mean, they were phenomenal. They were so good. It was literally the best cheeseburger in New York City was at Dangerfields, at least in the 90s. Yeah, not anymore. I don't even think they have a kitchen anymore.

I don't think they were doing food for a while. Oh, the burgers were so good. Everyone knew. Wow. Everyone knew. You go to Dangerfields, get a cheeseburger. Yeah. Did you ever, you know Charo, the waiter?

He was a Greek guy from Cyprus. Yes, he was still there? He died. I think he died just recently, but he's still there. He was still there until before COVID. He's a guy he always comes over you just tells you the most racist joke he'll come and he says with the great guy like how do you get a one-armed bullock out of a tree he's like waving and he laughs to himself

he's like an 80 year old greek guy did you ever meet scotty um scotty was the the power lifter guy who was the doorman? Not there anymore, yeah. Scotty used to make his own weights. He used to fill a bucket, like one of those big white plastic buckets, fill it up with cement. And he would lift them. Wow. He would put a pole in between them. He was a tank of a man.

Yeah. I remember one time during some extra extra rowdy show it might have been one of those prom shows i'm not really sure but he i remember he picked a guy up by his neck he grabbed the guy grabbed him by the back of the neck and put a hand on his belt buckle or in his belt rather and hoisted him in the air and was carrying the guy out the guy was like jesus yeah i mean he had like real work strength yeah he was built like a barrel yeah like he wasn't built

like a bodybuilder he was like a barrel yeah and he would always shit on you no matter no matter how but in a fun way like no matter how good

your set was he goes oh you tricked him again with that fucking shite act of yours he would always keep you in check yeah yeah good guy

that was I really missed that kind of shit on you humor when I came good guy that was that was i i really missed that kind of shit on you humor when i came to la where la everyone was like extra nice to you like for no reason they were like fake nice and in new york they would shit on you yeah it was like it was like a fun thing they would shit on you with a smile yeah and you felt good about it was a warm and comics would do it ruthlessly to each other. When I came to LA,

no one was doing that. Yeah. It's a weird thing when you're from New York, that's how you communicate with your friends, kind of. Yes.

You grow up, and I mean, Boston takes it to another level where it's like, the ball breaking is like. They get a little too mean. They go mean, yeah.

I mean, I did laugh Boston once. This guy came up to me afterwards and he was like, the first thing he said once. This guy came up to me afterwards, and he was like, the first thing he said to me was that I needed to change my outfit. He was like, you dress too good for here. Yeah, he was like, yeah, you know, fucking, you sneak. Like, he was just like, just a critique. They're just aggressive.

They're a little too aggressive. They're a little too aggressive, yeah. Well, it's one of the rare places where people would still have street fights every night, and they wouldn't pull weapons. I remember when we were in Faneuil Hall, when the Comedy Connection was in Faneuil Hall, I went there with Chris McGuire. And we went to McDonald's afterwards. We were walking across the street.

We saw a fucking giant brawl happen right in front of McDonald's. And Chris and I were like, you know, there's something cool about this place. It's the last place where people actually fight. They're not shooting each other. They're not stabbing each other. They just agree yeah they just agree to fisticuffs yeah that's there's something nice about that that's like uh manchester like uh in england you ever go to manchester oh yes i mean they they just fight yeah they look for fights that's where michael bisping's from i believe i believe he's from manchester yeah that's a fucking fisticuffs town

and then there's like those guys just can't handle their liquor. Like nighttime, there's just piles of vomit everywhere. You gotta like avoid them like a speed skater. They just love to fight and drink. Yeah. Yeah. England's an interesting place. It's a fun place to do standup. They really love standup.

Yeah. They're so, it's interesting because they are brawlers in a lot of ways, but they're also polite. Like the American standup never really happened in England the same way. And, like, their stand-up style is very different, you know? It's more like performance. It's more like... Yes.

Because they're kind of like the country. You look at their history, it's like they have a deeper appreciation for live performance than, like, we do because they go back. It's the land of Shakespeare. Sure. Chaucer. Sure. And that's why, like, actors, like, when they make those videos, it's the land of Shakespeare, Chaucer. Sure, sure. And that's why like actors,

like when they make those videos, I yearn for the days where you just like, we worship the writer and not, like, what do you do? You're reading his lines, you know? And I'm worshiping you because your face is nice? Well, there's levels to it, right? Like there's a Daniel Day-Lewis level.

He's on it alone. You could actually probably call it the Daniel Day-Lewis level, like Michael Jordan of, Daniel Day-Lewis level, like Michael Jordan of, Daniel Day-Lewis of. Yeah. Love that. He goes and makes shoes in Italy when he's off.

Well, that's what he's doing now only. Yeah. He's a cobbler, I believe. I believe he's completely retired from acting. Wow. Which is so strange. Yeah. But when you go, like, you watch, like, There Will Be Blood, like, who can do that?

Just Daniel Day-Lewis. There's, like, one or two other people out there. You know, like, Christian Bale's capable of it. He can hit some crazy highs. And he's one of those guys that fucks his body up, too. Yeah. He took years off of his life for a terrible movie. Yeah, yeah.

That movie. The Machinist? The Machinist, yeah. It was a terrible movie. Yeah. And the guy almost died. Yeah. Like, his main focus was almost dying.

Yeah. So he could fit the part of a guy with severe insomnia that never slept and never ate yeah he i mean he's dedicated he's an artist gary oldman another one another one he doesn't get the credit he deserves no like because he did some whack movies later i think after a while he's like i'm tired of this i'm just gonna do some whack movies yeah like remember when uh you know who did that de niro de. De Niro did some stupid, like, he did a Narnia movie where, like, it was with him and, was it Sharon Stone in him? They were in, like, some terrible fantasy movie.

I forget what movie it was, but I'm like, oh, De Niro is just getting paid. And then later on, before he got divorced, he was in an argument in a restaurant. It was a very public spat with his wife. And he said, well, if you didn't spend all my fucking money, I wouldn't have to do these shit movies. Yeah, I love where you hear about those because, you know, he's got to live his whole life being De Niro. Like when he's out, he knows people are looking. He's always got gotta be in control. And if anyone's gonna set him off

where he's gonna have a moment that's not, you know, it's not kinda controlled by PR, it's like your wife, you know? Especially if she really is spending all of his money forcing him to do these shit movies. Dude, yeah, like if I'm gonna divorce my wife, I gotta, like I don't know where my career's going, it's probably going nowhere, I don't know know but like i think about like if this gets bigger

like i should divorce her now like when we get in an argument i threaten divorce all the time do you i go right to it yeah i'm a hardliner yeah i go you know i'll be like look i could leave but then like if things start going good you got to start thinking about that like strategically yeah you got to be careful with that kind of elevation. Because you do that because you're comfortable with each other. I don't do that with my wife. We don't get in those kind of conversations. Well, that's because you're a better person than me.

Yeah, I'm trying. I'm working on it. No, I'm just worried the dark part is going to come out. If you start arguing and getting mean with each other, the problem is they're gonna get mean with you and then it's gonna escalate and where's it gonna go well I'm I'm a burn it all to the ground guy me too I can't you follow me on Twitter so you know I don't want to go there with my what I'm never gonna go

there with her I won't go even if she ever divorces me I will be nice to her so the day I die it's the way to go. And I'm getting better. Like, now that I have a baby, it's like, it's changed me. Yeah, that's the thing, man. Well, the thing is the babies, right? And that's the thing is, like, you know, you're, like, I was never really into the idea of marriage. Relationships are great, but if you boil down marriage logically, my problem was it's really a contract with the

state like it's you it's a legal contract with some people that you don't know and they're going to come in and and they're going to decide who's right and who's wrong you're gonna get some strangers that are gonna decide like where your money gets split up or how things go and then you're going to bring in lawyers and they're going to take a piece of the pie and it's their business to extract money and i've been i have very close friends that have been through horrendous divorces one of them who is still paying his ex-wife 14 years after he's been they don't have kids he deserved it he's a man yeah is he white yeah he's white he deserves it yes and he's rich yeah he really deserves it. He's been married to a new woman for 12 years. So he's literally been divorced longer than he was married.

And he's still paying alimony to a woman that, what did he fuck her so hard she can't work? Like, what happened? He slammed into her vagina so hard it broke something. And she's no longer capable of supporting herself. He pays her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, and she does nothing. So I've seen all the madness and the nonsense, but all that, for me, went out the window with the idea of children

because I'm like, okay, look, the commitment of money is a lot, but the commitment of life is far greater. So I'm like, whatever you want. You want to get married? I'm 100% in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm all in.

I'm committed. Let's do it. But I don't go dark. I won't go dark. Right. I don't allow myself. Right. Well, I mean, you're a weapon, so you can't go dark.

Yeah. Well, I won't go dark with my friends either. Right. I won't go dark. Right. I don't. No, but does anyone really push you to go dark though well they could if you you escalated you know like my friends get shitty with me i'll tell them i love them and i'll just i'll go come on man yeah

like what are we doing like i'm not going dark with my friends right that's what i love about um and i i realized that when i was doing i had a sports show for a little while on AOL called Two Point Lead. And we would interview like- AOL? It was AOL, yeah. I still got an AOL email address too. Do you really? Because I'm good at marketing, yeah.

What year was this? This was recent. It was 2015, 14, 15. And it was, you know, they had a lot of money before they got bought by Verizon. So they were owned by Time Warner. And this was like you know, they had a lot of money before they got bought by Verizon. So they were owned by Time Warner. And this was like their big push. They did a lot of programming. They did a show with Steve Buscemi.

When we did the New Fronts, we had Gronk come on. We paid him like $100,000. I did a skit with him. Steve Buscemi had a show on AOL? Yeah. What was he doing? He was sitting on a bench interviewing people. Outside?

Outside, yeah. In a park? In a park, yeah. So he was one of the shows. And had we were getting like major athletes like major athletes and I remember I interviewed Chris Weidman and he was fighting um he wasn't fighting the other guy. Anderson Silva? No. Loto Machida? I can't remember. Luke Rockhold? It might have been when he was fighting Luke Rockhold I can't remember

what year this was about 2015 was he the champ he was the champ so the odds are it's either Vitor Lyoto Machida Vitor

it was Vitor he was fighting Vitor and it was the first time I'd like sat down with like you know guys who were trained fighters and the calm

it's just like a calm and a peace that I was trying to put my finger on. What is that calm? And then I realized, I get insecure, I've got nervousness, and a lot of that is because I, always in a situation, know there's a probability that I could get fucked up.

Or if I walked around and I knew that 99.7% of the people I could fuck up, I'd be calm. Well, Chris Weidman is calm like I would be calm if I was hanging out with 10-year-old girls and they were trying to tell me how the world works. And I'd be like, that's cute. Let me tell you how the world really works. Yeah, it's like that. Especially when he was the champ.

I mean, when he was the champ. First of all when chris weidman was coming up and the limitations of chris weidman legitimately are the limitations of the human body because his body started to break he started to he had knee problems and neck problems and back problems but the limitations of his mind were limitless it was there's a lot of these guys like and a lot of them are wrestlers because i think wrestlers have the strongest brains because the strongest minds the strongest determination because that sport is so fucking brutal but these great wrestlers who get into fighting like chris

weidman and kane velasquez was another one the limitations of kane velasquez were the limitations of his body because he started getting so shoulder surgery and back surgery and knee surgery, and then it all started falling apart. But when he was at his peak, Chris Weidman was a motherfucker, man. Strong. Not just, but the mind, too. It's not just the body. His body was surely strong, but his mind was just unbreakable.

He would break guys, and Kane was the same way. Kane was a guy who broke guys he would break them because I really firmly believe this to this day that wrestlers because there's no like I had Jordan Burrows on the other day he's a wrestler right Olympic gold medalist four-time world champion stud of a human being and when you talk to him you realize like he's just so exceptional in every way and one of the reasons why he's so exceptional is because wrestling has no glory like the people that get into wrestling they do it because it's the pursuit it's not it's not like a bentley and a mansion and watches and rings and all that bullshit like the the the glory is in victory it's in pursuit. And also in victory in the most difficult of circumstances,

which is like amateur, high-level, world-class wrestling. It's so fucking hard. So the guys like Chris Weidman, the guys like Jordan Burroughs, the guys like King Velasquez, guys who excel in wrestling, there's a mindset that they have that's so interesting to be around them because they are that calm. they have that's so interesting to be around them because they are that calm. They have that. There's a level that they've reached that very few human beings

outside of wrestlers ever reach. That's fascinating. Do you think that's changing now because they do have an outlet with MMA, which is great? Like they can go pro and become rich and kind of famous? Some of them, but, you know, like Jordan Burroughs doesn't have any interest in fighting, especially his wife doesn't have any interest in fighting. Especially his wife

doesn't want him to fight because he does make good money wrestling, just as an ambassador to wrestling. But I don't think they fall into the same pitfalls

that a lot of the other fighters fall into. You know? Like, a lot of them, they just, they get into fame and glory and all that and

wide man never really got into that he was just into smashing people yeah smashing yeah just just smashing people like khabib i'm gonna smash your boy he's the perfect example khabib's the perfect example the guy drives a toyota yeah okay he's worth millions of dollars he's the most dominant fighter in any weight class in the history of the sport, and he is as calm and as humble as can be while also being incredibly confident. Yeah, yeah. And super religious. Yeah. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't party, doesn't do anything.

He's just dedicated to smashing people. I'm going to smash your boy. Right, I'm going to smash your boy. When he said that? Alhamdulillah. I'm going to smash your boy. Somebody said to me, that's like Samueluel jackson in pole fiction you're like ah fuck it's greater because it's not fake right and he did it yeah and he did smash him and he

you know what the best the scariest thing that he ever said he goes i want to change his face yeah yeah i want to change his face yeah how much is the mental bad did like connor when he fought connor it was like opposites going against each other, like that ultra humility versus that absolute boastful. Do you think Conor knew before? No? No, he thought he was going to win. And look, he won a round with Khabib.

He won the third round, and that's probably the only round that Khabib lost in his entire career. There's an argument that maybe he lost one or two rounds earlier that are real close but i mean he's he's 29 and oh you have to understand how insane that is and then you have to understand the weight class he's in he's in the 155 pound weight class which is arguably the most competitive in the history of the sport right it's like the arguments are like 45 55 and maybe 70 are the most competitive weight classes ever. And he's the most dominant guy ever in the most competitive weight class. Yeah.

I mean, he's a monster. He's a beast, man. And you're in that weight class and you know you gotta fight him. You're like, you question everything about yourself. Yeah. Do you think wrestlers

to that level have an advantage in MMA? Like, because you're just eventually going to get your hands on a guy yeah well that's what he has an advantage in I mean

when he wrestles guys when he grabs them you can see the look on their face like oh my god this is different it's like an anaconda got you

just different well look at his last guy that he fought is Justin Gaethje who's a fucking killer right smashes Tony Ferguson smashes Edson Barbosa

I mean he's a fucking beast and a really good wrestler, too. But when Khabib got a hold of him, every time, just drags him to the ground and almost submitted him at the end of the first round and then submitted him in the second round. Well, he said he wanted to submit. He didn't want to hurt him. Do you think that was true? Yeah. He said, like, I didn't want to do it that way because his parents were there.

Well, not just that. That's some fucking ill shit to say. Like, I'll just wait until next round and do it a little softer a little softer well they were friends justin actually they have the same manager and justin actually helped him cut weight earlier in his career because cutting weight is uh i don't know if you ever spent some time in the sauna i have i went i did some shows in sweden yeah yeah there's a there's a moment in the sauna that comes around like minute 13 14 especially if it's like a hot minute three for me you start looking around you're like you look at your wash you're like fuck like how do i do this i want to get out now and you don't you don't get out you stay in and so it's like you

need support and like a lot of times guys will have guys cut weight with them and they'll come and sit with you and give you support because like as much as Khabib, his mind is a fucking vault, a bank vault. I mean, his mind is impenetrable. Even a man like him will use encouragement from other people and use support and love and friendship from other people. And Justin helped him cut weight. Wow. And I think they had a bond because of that.

So when he fought Conor, he wanted to change his face. He wanted to smash. Smash your boy! With Gage, he's just like, I'm going to beat him, and I'm going to beat him the way I would beat a friend. It's like you're beating up your brother. You go like, I'm going to hurt you, but not, you're my brother. So it's like, I'm going to do it so you can.

He went to submissions faster than he has in any other fight he's ever had. God, he's that good. He's that good. He almost caught... He fought with a broken toe, too, by the way. Wow. Snapped. Like, he took a...

They showed an x-ray of his toe after the fight. He broke his toe in training. Right. And a lot of guys would have pulled out of that fight. If you looked at the fight, I watched it yesterday, actually, while I was working out. He had his toes taped together. Right. That that's the brace right that's the cast right a little piece of tape connecting his toes when you break your toe that's all you can do right is really just tape it up he's a extraordinary human being and uh it's his mind it's his i mean his

body obviously is uh ridiculous too but his body is ridiculous because of his mind yeah you know and he just comes from a place that like you know what did joe dimaggio say like uh and some rich rich guys can't make the big leagues he comes from a place that probably like getting in the octagon is like the easiest thing he's done in his entire life i mean those videos of him as a kid wrestling i mean it's like you got if you got to get in the ring with him, you're going like, how can I grapple better than a bear? Well, it's also Dagestan in particular. It's like there's so many good fighters, I mean, great fighters that have come from this one region of the world.

Right. Dagestan is just filled with killers. Yeah. There's that other guy now who's just like smashing people, too. Zabit. Yeah. Zabit, yeah, Magomed Sharapov. He's smashing people. Islam Makachev is smashing people.. Zabit. Yeah. Zabit, yeah, Magomed Sharapov. He's smashing people.

Islam Makachev is smashing people. He's from Dagestan. There's a lot of great guys from Dagestan. I mean, there's so many of them. Like, we get these new guys all the time where I'm doing commentary and I look at this guy and his name and I'm like, where's, oh, Dagestan.

There you go. Right. And you see him and he's a murderer. Yeah. Just assassins. Is that because like wrestling was huge over there and then they... Wrestling's huge over there and also just the mentality.

They play a game of basketball where you don't dribble the ball, you wrestle, and they submit each other. Jail rules. Yeah, they hold on to the ball, and they try to steal it from each other. They tackle each other. They submit each other. It's the craziest fucking game. Yeah. Yeah, those guys are going to rise to the top in fighting.

Yeah, exactly. That's where they took a sport, and they turned it into a fight. Yeah, they're like, too easy with the dribble. Yeah, let's play tennis, but instead of the ball, we hit this guy over the net. Yeah, it's like rugby with arm bars. It's crazy. Yeah. My friend Will Harris, he goes over there and films Khabib and his camp during the whole thing.

He filmed this. I saw that. And he said, nobody's going to beat Khabib. I saw an interview with him. He goes, you got to see where he's from, man. Nobody's going to beat him. Yeah, it's different. It's different.

You know, it's like comfort is not a fighter's friend. It's just not. No, you know, you're going up against Luke Rockhold. He's like, yeah, you know, he's cocky. He's got a good kick but he's like i gotta go model for ralph loren after this and khabib's like yeah man i gotta go wrestle a bear and climb a cliff and well luke you know luke is a rare guy that even though he is beautiful was handsome guy handsome yeah he beat weidman yeah he did smashed him too you know and he beat Weidman when Weidman was in his prime. Right.

Luke is tough, man. He's tough despite his beautiful face. Yeah. That's why you actually got me into MMA a lot because I remember there was a time

where you were advocating for it and you were talking like, hey, boxing's a beautiful sport, but it's limited. Yeah. And it's like, there's no way

you can argue that, especially when we got into this era, especially with Floyd Mayweather where he mastered it, where he would fight, hold, knew how to not hit. And like fights got kind of boring. He would win on points.

And MMA is so exciting because like you said, it's so hard. Like what Khabib did to go undefeated, because anyone could lose on any night. You don't see a kick. When there's so many weapons coming out, you got to play against the shoot. You got to, you shoot. Anything can happen. When you're watching a fight, you're like, anything can happen right now. It's the wildest of all sports for sure. It's the wildest. It's the closest

sport that mimics an actual fight. It's the wildest sport. There's only one sport that's slightly wilder. That's Letwe. Letwe has never really achieved full acceptance in the United States. But they have headbutts and they have no gloves.

Well, that's what UFC used to be. Sort of, yeah. But the thing about Letway is there's no take... Well, there's takedowns, but there's no ground and pound and submissions and shit like that. Once they made that little... They amended the sport a little bit with that, it really helped it because that would get brutal. Yeah. Like the Mark Kerr, like these roided up dudes just fucking.

And you're going, like even men are turning away. Like, Jesus Christ, man. His nose is gone. Mark Coleman's move, he would take guys down and then just smash them with headbutts. Yeah. Ground and pound them and smash them. I remember, yeah. Headbutts are legit, man.

Yeah, and those crazies just take it and just patiently their face would turn into a pizza until they got like an ankle. I mean, I remember watching one of those fights where they didn't finally, he got like an ankle or an arm and it just ended it. But he got up and his face was just different. did it but he got up and his face was just different yeah well that was the that changed the world when the ufc came around in 1993 because all these people had this idea of what martial arts were everybody thought it was like a chuck norris movie you throw on kicks and you know like two guys are coming at you you do a jumping split and you kick both of them yeah but when they saw what a fight really is it's like a lot of it is like grappling on the ground and that this smaller relatively small he was like 175 pounds hoist gracie beat all these gigantic guys like chemo

was like 265 the guy was like 90 pounds bigger than him legitimately right yeah he armbarred him yeah yeah because uh i mean nobody even really knew what brazilian jiu-jitsu was till that like oh yeah you get a you know and it's funny, like, do you think like Bruce Lee? Because Bruce Lee's like this myth. Bruce Lee had this thing like this mythical aura about him where everyone was like, Bruce Lee. But now that you see MMA, you're like, does he know how to wrestle? Because.

Well, Bruce Lee was the first guy that actually incorporated all these other different styles like judo and jujitsu and submissions. He incorporated those into his style, which he called Jeet Kune Do. He invented a style. And it's hard to think of how much impact that guy had because you kind of have to put yourself back in 1970. You got to put yourself back in the days when he was becoming popular because there was no one like him. Everyone who did a style back then, whether it was judo or karate,

you were taught that your style was the only style. Like even when I was coming up and I was doing Taekwondo, I started working out with boxers and my instructor was discouraging it. He was saying, you're like, you don't need to do that. You could train your boxing here. I was like, really though like i realized early on like no like you need to see who does the best of all these different disciplines like where i started

working out with judo guys and that was a real wake-up call but the biggest wake-up call was when i started doing jujitsu the first wake-up calls the first I started doing jiu-jitsu. The first wake-up call was the first time I got leg kicked. I was like, oh, this is terrible. You realize you get kicked a couple of times in the leg, and your legs don't work, and then you can't kick people. I'm like, okay, I need to understand this. And then jiu-jitsu was just – I was just getting raped. I was literally getting just torn apart. And by guys my size, too.

That was the other thing. They weren't bigger than me. They were skilled. They were were looking for it's almost like uh they just look for a weakness and opening and then the things you would never think of like a hand an arm an ankle well it's just they do that all the time it's just like when a heckler tries to challenge you and it's like they think they're funny around the the gas station or whatever like listen i do this every night right like this is not going to work out well for you and this is the same thing with it's like they think they're funny around the gas station or whatever. Like, listen, I do this every night. Right. Like, this is not going to work out well for you. And this is the same thing with jiu-jitsu.

It's like they do it every day. They understand it. You're literally trying to have an argument with someone and you know three words. Right. And they have the full dictionary at their disposal. Right. That's what it's like. Yeah.

So a jiu-jitsu guy always has an advantage unless the other guy also knows jiu-jitsu. Well, pretty much everybody knows some jiu-jitsu now. But the beginning jiu-jitsu guys had a huge advantage i mean that was what everybody wanted they wanted to like if you were a black belt in brazilian jiu-jitsu i was like oh my god stay off the ground with that guy right well that was where vitor fucked everybody up it's because he was a black belt in jiu-jitsu but also he was a lethal striker and no one had ever seen that before because when he when my first ufc that i ever worked at was in 1997 vitor was 19 years old and he won the heavyweight tournament and no one had ever seen anything like this this guy was fucking shredded 19 years old just jacked and just lighting people up on fire and it was crazy to

watch because no one had ever seen a brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt that also had phenomenal striking and that's what's great about mma is like it keep it kept evolving we're guys there now i gotta learn jiu-jitsu i gotta learn how to leg kick i gotta work on my muay thai that was like when that gaethje khabib fight you could tell his strategy was like i'm gonna try to get his legs and legs. And Khabib's just like, he was taking kicks like... Well, he got close. He got one of those. He got walloped with one of those kicks.

There's a few of those kicks to his lower leg that had put him in a bad place. And Gaethje was landing fucking bombs. They were horrible leg kicks, but Khabib took them and figured out a way to get the fight to the ground. horrible leg kicks, but Khabib took them and figured out a way to get the fight to the ground. Yeah. But there's no other sport where in the past, like from 1993 to 2021, it's unrecognizable. Like it's so much better.

Right. Like if you go back to baseball in 1993 and you watch baseball today, not that much different. Arguably not as good because they can't do steroids as easily. Kind of helped the game. You can't. I mean, Sosa-Maguire, that brought baseball back, and those kids were roided up. Yes, for sure.

They looked like He-Man characters. Dude, when I used to work, I used to be a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club, and Jose Canseco came in once when he was in the prime of his career, and he was a giant human being. Yeah. Just a tank of a man. He walked in, I was like, Jesus. This is when he was at the top.

And everyone was like, Canseco's coming in. Canseco's coming in. And he walked in the building. I'm like, wow. You don't realize how big an elite pro athlete is. On steroids. Yeah, on everything. He was on all the steroids.

And he dropped dime on everybody. That whole era is a little tainted. It's a little weird. That was very unfortunate. Yeah. Because that ruined him, too. Yeah, they should have just kept going. I mean, like, keep it going.

Why did he have to... Did he get caught and then he have to come clean? Like, what happened? It was... No, I... Because they were all on the show. Yeah, there was one guy. There was one, like, guru steroid guy.

They figured out a way to do a cream, like to circumvent the test. I think that's later. Oh, is that later? That was Barry Bonds. Yeah, that's the clear. Yeah. Yeah, I've had that guy.

That was the head of Balco. I had him on the podcast before. That was Victor Conte. So that was the generation after. I don't really remember why Canseco ratted everybody out. Jamie, do you remember? He's like the Sammy the Bull of baseball. I don't know if there's a great reason,

but at the time, so like 2000... When was that? Mark McGuire time, like 2000 or 99-ish? It was when Sammy Sosa was still Dominican looking. Still brown. He wrote a book. Looks like Mark McGuire. It was called Juiced, right?

I don't know if there's a reason why. Yeah, Juiced, Wild Times, Rampant Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big. Did he get kicked out of baseball or something? Did something happen? No, he was still playing even, honestly, recently, I think. But no, but not when he wrote. Yeah, but for who? But not when he wrote that book.

When he wrote that book, was he still playing or was he suspended or something? Real baseball fans are like, you don't know shit! You fucking pussies! He was done in MLB in 2001 and so the book came out a couple years after. Okay, so they probably kicked him out of baseball or his career was over for whatever reason.

He fought for a while, you know. Did he really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He fought a gigantic man god damn it i'm trying to remember was it mma hong man choy yeah he fought hong man choy no i think it was a yeah i think it was mma he fought hong man choy in japan and uh because jose canseco had an actual background in karate he was a martial artist and he tried throwing some kicks and i think he popped his knee and fell down and then then Hong Man Choi beat the shit out of him.

But it was one of those deals where he needed money, and they offered him a fight literally against a seven-foot man. Hong Man Choi was a legitimate giant. Like, yeah, gigantism. I think I've seen YouTube videos of that guy. Yeah, his head is as big as my whole torso. Yeah. He's enormous.

Yeah, I hate when like, yeah. I mean, it's like you're going to get wrecked against a trained MMA guy. Like, didn't James Toney try to do that too? Yeah, he fought Randy Couture. Yeah, Randy Couture ankle picked him. He just hit him with a low single, took him down, and he submitted him. And did Herschel Walker try? Herschel Walker smashed people.

Yeah. Herschel Walker, when he was in his late 40s, was smashing people. You know, there's like Daniel Day-Lewis of acting. Herschel Walker is the Herschel Walker of athletes. He does ballet, too. Dude, he can do anything. But I'm telling you, man, when he would fight, it would literally be like a bowl in a china shop. Guys couldn't deal with his athleticism and power and all i mean in his 40s and also his martial

arts talent he really was a legitimate martial artist yeah and was training with kane velasquez and daniel cormier he was training at american kickboxing academy so he's legit he went to the best gym in the country yeah i mean in terms of like wrestling and heavyweights arguably the best gym when when dc and uh and um cormier or when cormier rather and kane velasquez were in their prime that's when jose kent excuse me hershel walker was training with them right so he was training with and not just those guys i mean there were so many good fighters there was josh thompson it was like that it was just a luke rockhold it was like a camp filled with assassins and herschel was training with them yeah so it wasn't like he went to some like bullshit ass fucking mcdojo gym at the mall and they had them they held the pads for him and tiger shulman yeah tiger shulman's legit though he's legit right yeah but legit business

man too i mean those are all over the island yeah See, Tiger Schulman's is a weird one because you would think, because it was a chain of karate schools, that, oh, it's kind of like McDojo-ish. But it's not. Tiger Schulman has raised some legit MMA fighters. Wow, I didn't know that. Yes, man. There's some fucking top-notch guys. There's a guy named Lyman Good who's in the UFC right now who looks like he's sculpted out of fucking granite. There's a guy named Lyman Good who's in the UFC right now.

He looks like he's sculpted out of fucking granite. He's one of the scariest looking human beings, like physically impressive human beings to ever compete in a sport. He's a Tiger Schulman guy. Wow. Yeah. There's a bunch of guys that fight out of Tiger Schulmans. Yeah. Look at this Lyman Good.

Damn. Savage. And just smashed. Go to that picture up top where he's like in the fight right there. Yeah. Look at that. Imagine that guy on the side of the octagon. Jesus Christ.

Coming for your fucking soul. Yeah. And that's all natural, you think? Who knows? Why ask questions? Why ask? Yeah. I don't know.

Baseball should have just... I mean, it's like baseball... Look at him in that picture. Yeah. He's ripped. That's Shane Burgos. He's another guy who's a Tiger Schulman guy. Yeah.

I mean, they had a lot of very, very legit guys. And Tiger Schulman, he adapted. Shaquille O'Neal agrees to fight Jose Canseco. When is this? Come on. March 14, 2012. Yeah. I say come on, but you know what?

I want to see it. I'll pay for it. I'll pay for it. Yeah. Come on, man. I'm all in. The thing about baseball is it needs to, it's the only sport that's like hanging on to the past.

We're like all these sports have adapted. Basketball, the shot clock. They keep adapting with the times. Baseball is the only one that's resistant to change and goes, no, no, no. It's America's pastime. They even got mad when they did like the little rule where you can't step out of the batter's box. It's like things are moving quicker now. You got to – we got to have like someone on the sidelines with like a loaded gun like shooting like a blind guy just fucking firing and it's

something to speed it up or steroids or something yeah but people love it they like to get drunk and eat hot dogs it's a great social game but now you go there it's like corporate you get sushi sushi at a ballpark it's like i'm not there to have sushi i'm there to have a hot dog get diarrhea drink 11 budweiser that's what i'm there to do a hot dog, get diarrhea, drink $11 Budweiser. That's what I'm there to do. Yeah, hot dogs are the move. I mean, that's a baseball type and popcorn, right? Yes, popcorn.

Cracker Jacks. Baseball foods. Yeah. Yeah. I got bored with it. I played baseball when I was a kid, and that's actually how I found martial arts. How I really got into martial arts was I went to see a baseball game at Fenway Park. I went to see a Sox game.

And me and my buddy were coming home. And I was 14 at the time. We were walking. And we had to get on the T. And the T is the Boston train system. And the lines are so huge. We were walking. It's like New York subway. Yeah. Okay. Now I understand. Yeah. It's obviously not as extensive. and it's outside. It's not underground. So we got to this. We were walking towards the train station, and I found this Taekwondo school.

And I walked up, and it was the craziest divine timing of all. I walked up the stairs, and as I was walking up the stairs to this Taekwondo school, I heard this crazy sound like, whomp, ka-ching, whomp, ka-ching, like a metal, like a thud, and then metal. And I didn't know what the kachink like a sound like a metal like a thud and then metal and i didn't know what the fuck that like sounded like chains and metal i was like what is this i went up there and there's this guy john lee and john lee was the national champion he was preparing for the world cup and he was in his peak training and he was kicking this bag with a spinning back kick and he was literally folding this bag in half and then it

was hanging from a chain so we hear the whoop when his heel slammed into the bag and then like the bag would slam you know go flying and the chains would rattle and i remember being a 14 year old kid standing there staring at this guy just smashing this bag and i remember thinking like i want to learn how to do that and I signed up that day wow and that became my whole life right like from that moment on I was there every day until I was like 22 right like literally became my whole life right from that one moment just going up there and seeing this guy but what like I could have gone up there and the big little kids practice in and it would have been like, get the fuck out of here.

But what I saw was so insanely impressive that I immediately signed up. Do you think – this is sort of like a free will versus like destiny question. Do you think like that's because you had something in you that that connected to? Like if I walk by there, I'd be like, what's that noise? And then I'm like, all right, let me go get a burger or whatever. Like you think it's because it was meant to happen? Like there's something in you that... That's a tricky one to buy into. You know, you could say like, that's my destiny.

But it just appealed to me. You know, I mean, I'd seen a lot of other things that didn't appeal to me, right? Like I was just at a baseball game where I saw the best baseball players in the world. Professionals. you know I mean I've I'd seen a lot of other things that didn't appeal to me right like I was just at a baseball game where I saw the best baseball players in the world right professionals right play I didn't give a fuck I was like yeah that's my question like you think that's just like it's in you like that's like your genetic kind of pre like you're predisposed to it I guess they would say like it clicked on it hit all my switches pushed all my buttons yeah I was like

that's what I need to do. Right. Well, you had a talent for it because you got good at it. Like a champ. I didn't have a talent in the beginning. I mean, I got good because I was obsessed, but whatever it was, you know, like you just got to find your thing. For me at the time, that was my thing.

You know, I just found my thing. And then standup was my thing when I found that too. Very similar to fighting too. you know up there alone like yeah all the jargon is like kill smash a punchline crush yeah crush yeah killer guys a killer yeah in a way yeah in a way but also in a way that you know it requires you to spend time on your own disciplining yourself and one of the things that separates comics from comics that don't do well

is the time they spend writing. And some comics, they get great, but they don't write. They don't write. And some comics have an interesting way of writing. Bill Burr, I think, has the most fascinating way of writing because what Bill is basically doing

is two days a week, he does a solo podcast, like just uninterrupted stream of consciousness and out of that has come some of the best comedy we've ever experienced because he just sits by himself and talks shit like i was listening to talk shit about the apple store today yeah and these fucking cunts in this fucking apple store i just went down there i wanted i wanted on it i wanted a fucking ipad and you know and he'll he's got no one interrupting him. So it's just him in his office by himself with a microphone and just thinking and talking.

And it's a workout. It's a type of workout. Whether you're sitting in front of a laptop, whatever the fuck you're doing. Whatever you're doing to kind of create. Some guys don't do that. They just want to go on stage and so they go on stage and then they just sort of spout out what they've already done and maybe they had a tag here a little bit there but they don't develop

the way a guy like Bill turns over material yeah you know and I think if you ask him since when he started a podcast his his comedy went to another level because of that, probably, yeah. 100%. Yeah. It really did. Yeah. I mean, there's no doubt about it.

He was always great. You know, Bill was always, he had talent. He's got a perspective. He's got balls. You know, I saw him out here. He was out, he performed at one of these outdoor amphitheaters. It was freezing cold outside. I had my fucking jacket zipped up to my neck.

I'm sitting there freezing on the sidelines watching. But it was fun to watch real wild comedy. You know, he's still doing wild comedy. You know, like there's no one that can take him down. Like there's no cancel culture. Like, you know, just saying all the shit that he thinks of. Yeah, he kind of just, he performs like it doesn't exist. Like cancel culture doesn't exist. Kind of like the way Jack Johnson just kind of just, he performs like it doesn't exist. Like cancel culture doesn't exist.

Kind of like the way Jack Johnson just kind of, you ever see that documentary, Jack Johnson? Yeah, where he just like lived his life as if racism didn't exist. And people like didn't even know what to make of him. Danged a lot of white chicks. He did. In their face during a time where like, you get lynched for that shit. He was, he almost seemed like he was taken from another era and put into, he would talk

shit while he was fucking you up. He had gold T, he had gold fronts. I mean, before hip hop. I mean, he like, he almost looks like he was like time traveled. Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting. His nickname was the Galveston Giant. You know, he was only like six feet tall or six foot one, I think.

I don't think he was even, he might have been 200 pounds yeah you know like how good pull up how tall and how much did jack johnson weigh six foot tall yeah galveston giant a giant six foot you're six foot tall right yeah yeah how crazy is that you're a giant yeah people had no food back then yeah they didn't grow that big they They didn't have any food, dude. Yeah, yeah. This is how fucking soft we are. Yeah. People were tiny back then. Like, if you look at the average size of the Civil War, an average man was 130 pounds. Yeah.

Because they didn't have any fucking food. Yeah. They must have looked like Abe Lincoln, like, holy shit, this guy's tall. He was like 6'2", not that big. Yeah, I mean, but Jack Johnson was- This guy's got big balls, literally. Look at that package. Giant sack. Huge cock, got big balls, literally. Look at that package. Giant sack.

Huge cock, I'm sure. Look at that right there. I mean, you got to think, there's no steroids back then. There's just superior genetics. And also just fucking hardship, right? You know, talk about Khabib growing up in Dagestan. Imagine being a black man as a boxer back when they all wanted white men to be the champ. Look at the size of him

man yeah shredded he was shredded built like uh like a modern elite athlete yeah and this is you know what year was that turn of the century what year was it james did say that he was a champ was it like 1908 like early early turn of century. I started eating a little bit there. What can you do? Buster Douglas, it happens. In between fights. What,

that right there? Yeah, it looks like he had a couple cheeseburgers or whatever. Well, what does it say here? Does it say there? It says, uh,

he was born in, he died in 46. He was born in 1878. Wow. So it was probably the early, early 1900s. But they would get giant-ass crowds, and you barely could see anything. Yeah.

And all guys had top hats. You ever see the crowds? Yeah. They're wild. What's the matter? He lost over 100 pounds to get into that fight. What? In 1910, yeah. He hadn't fought in six years and had to lose well over 100 pounds to get into that fight what in 1910 yeah he hadn't fought

in six years and had to lose well over 100 pounds to get back into his championship fighting weight really yeah it was yeah he's probably just drinking and eating yeah living like a killer the guy he fought oh who did he fight was that jeffries yeah yeah james jeffries yeah yeah oh well that makes sense well they brought jeffries in to try to beat him because jeffries was the former champion and he was a big kid too right jim jeffries like he's a big fellow yeah but you know they were that's where the great white hope kind of probably originated they were trying to beat him oh yeah yeah sure that's exactly where it came from yeah and then he was he was about to win that fight and they cut the broadcast

what's that they cut the broadcast what's that they cut the broadcast back yeah they there was like the first televised boxing match and he was i forget who he was fighting some white guy number five or six they were putting up well this is uh and before he knocked him out they just cut the broadcast because they didn't want the country to see it they had broadcasts back then it It's towards the end, yeah. I mean, like, yeah. I don't think it was that fight. Huh? I don't think it was that fight.

It wasn't that fight. No. I don't think they had TV. When did they have TV? When did TV, what was the first television broadcast? I want to say 1940. What was the first,

let's figure out when the first television broadcast was. Yeah, I mean, his, I know that. Take a guess. When was the first television broadcast? I'm going to say like 1917. 1917. 1917, gee. Yeah, back in the his... I know that... Take a guess. When was the first television broadcast? I'm going to say, like, 1917. 1917.

1917, Jake. Yeah, back in the day when people would talk like that. Yeah, why did they talk like that? I don't know. Hey, welcome to the fight. Yeah, they... 1928 was the first broadcast.

So one of his fights was broadcast, right? I don't know, man. It was one in the stadium? I think they filmed it. I don't know. I don't think they did. I don't think they did. I want think they did i want to say if that

was the case it was like way late in his career they think like even like when he lost like lost later in his career they think he took a dive because there's a there's a video of it where it doesn't really look like he's hurt he just kind of lays down like they might have threatened him or you know he might have got a big payday to take a dive. There's always a lot of speculation in boxing about guys taking dives. Especially the mob was heavily involved in it. Oh, yeah. My God, and imagine the amount of money you could win

betting on a white guy against Jack Johnson. Yeah, a lot of money. Yeah, a lot of money. One of his quotes, I remember I remember Like he was so wild I think he got a He used to like drive a fast car He made some money and And what was fast back then?

35? 35 miles an hour yeah Like wow He got a ticket And the guy he was like Hey don't give me a ticket now He was like cause I'm gonna drive back You give me two tickets

Well he No what it was is They gave him a ticket for $50 He goes here's $100 Because I'm gonna be going the same speed the way back wow yeah that's not giving a i mean he had no fucks to give yeah i mean what are you gonna do guys like him almost like uh when you look at history like um you know is this sort of just a natural evolution thing like now certain guys move history forward oh yeah yeah yeah. Certain human beings are so spectacular in their timeframe that it changes what we expect. Yeah.

Yeah. It changes our expectation. Look, look at comedy. Prior. Yeah. Richard Pryor is that. Yeah.

Richard Pryor changed comedy. He did. He changed what he, comedy became super honest, you know, like, whereas comedy before was like a lot of jokes. Yeah.

And then there was Lenny Bruce. And then from Lenny Bruce, there was Richard Pryor. Yeah. So I think Lenny Bruce sort of opened the door and Richard Pryor burst through it. Right. And he changed comedy. Yeah. Changed it.

I think probably if we look back, podcasts are going to change comedy in some way because it's so honest. Like you, you way because it's so honest like you you know it's like like you were saying you i remember watching like uh a late night set back and then you see rosanne and you're like holy shit that was amazing yeah and it's because it's the only thing you knew it was like the wildest thing to see then but then when cable happened and then you saw like hbo you're and then you go back and watch that say you're like wow that's really tame you know right and now it's like podcasts is like the only it's taking it to a new level where people are like really being genuine and really being uncensored and right it may be

changing people's conditioning well it's also the first time where famous people are being themselves right in an open forum where millions of people are watching right whereas before everyone's guarded and they're worried about their next gig right whereas this is my gig that's a good point this is my gig forever and I own it yeah why would I change yeah I don't have I don't have an incentive yeah right the incentive was then always to prepare yourself for a role you're going to get hired to do this you're going to get accepted by this you're going to get brought in to do that back then it wasn't you know it was it wasn't there was no benefit in being

real right the benefit was in you like you know towing the line and you see that from actors today and it's so sad like Like, they're cucks. They're forced into this position where they have to kowtow. They have to speak all the woke lingo, and they have to do all the right things. If they don't, they won't get hired, and they know it, and they're scared. They're operating scared.

And I think one of the benefits of podcasts and one of the things that people reflect to is like, oh, my God, that guy's a real person. Right. That's who he really is. Right. And you know, you hear a guy talk for three hours. I mean, unless you're a complete sociopath, it's going to – and then that's going to come through.

Right. You'll see that this guy doesn't give a fuck about anybody but himself. Right, right. You're going to see it. Right. And that's why I think Hollywood's probably having such a hard time competing because now, because that's changed the conditioning where you can see, oh, this is real. Yeah. It seems more fake.

Yeah. It seems contrived. Well, it made late night television look like fucking ham radio. Yeah. It makes late night television look like Morse code. Yeah. That's what it makes it look like. Yeah.

It's like, it's so strange that they have to cut every seven minutes for a commercial. It's so strange that they can't swear. Yeah. It's so, everything's so strange. And it sucks. It sucks. I mean, it's just like, even when you're performing, and I remember when I would, like, I had this, I had a show on Fusion, which was this network that failed, and I was with two journalists.

I remember Fusion. Yeah. And like, you just even your whole body posture is fake and everything you don't touch your face even if it itches because you look like a crackhead on tv if you even touch your nose and like right you know i remember i would have full panic attacks and i would just stand there and just be dealing with it you know how about in between breaks they'd powder your forehead yeah they come and they touch you it's like put like makeup on you even when I look at my Comedy Central half hour,

makeup looks stupid. Yeah, it's caked on. Dude, I did a show in 1993. It was a stand-up show with Jay London. You know Jay London? No. You know Jay London? Fucking great comic.

Me and Jay, and there were some other people on the show, but I remember Jay. They made me up so much. put they literally put mascara on me yeah i mean i don't it looked like at least there's so much powder on my face like you were in the cure they put lipstick on it was so crazy and the lady was ensuring me that listen i was like oh my god this is too much makeup she goes no no under, no, no. Under the lights, it's going to look normal. It did not look normal. I looked so made up. And from that moment on, I fucking refused makeup. Yeah.

I used to hide from the makeup girl before the show. They used to have to call me to set. It's crazy. They used to try to put makeup on me during the UFC. I'm like, do you know how crazy this is? Yeah. Because at one time, I came to the UFC UFC and I had two black eyes from training. You know, just from Jiu Jitsu.

From friends, actually. It's just accidental black eyes. And they were like, we're going to cover those. I go, why would you do that? I go, here I am doing commentary for guys who are going to get their fucking heads punched in. They're going to get their literally forehead smashed by a shin. And you want to put makeup on me?

I'm like, let's just. Yeah, like the fan base is looking going, you know, yeah, Joe should have worn makeup. Leave my black eyes. Yeah. It gives me some legitimacy. Yeah. At least it lets people know I'm getting after it. Yeah.

Because you can't do this. Yeah. But the makeup thing is a strange, like I get it with women and I appreciate it. Like what? Let's keep going. Yeah. It's a culture. You want to wear lipstick and you look great.

I don't mind. I don't care. But for men, come on. What are we doing here? Are we pretending? Yeah. Yeah. Women don't care.

They actually like it if you look unmade up. Your forehead's shiny? We need to stop that? Yeah. Who's getting mad because my forehead's shiny? Who is that? Nobody cares. What's happening's happening here yeah what are we doing yeah but for the longest time it was the standard yeah and you can't question it just because it becomes habit it's just kind of like exactly yeah and everyone goes like no that's what you do and you're like yeah

well they made me do it on fear factor for like the first couple seasons yeah and then after a while i'm like stop just stop stop stop stop some guys eating a fucking eating roaches and then they cut and powder you up you're like this nobody cares yeah fucking contestants would be laughing at me because they were powdering me i'm like i know i know i'm sorry i'm sorry that they're doing this to me you know where that really shined through um what we're talking about kind of like that uh people just act that way and then until they realize it's stupid was like your incident with stephen a smith that was very intriguing to me because when he came in and he started doing the kind of the sports talk which i love and i like stephen a smith because he's controversial he's

fun it's fun and he gets you jacked up and he's charismatic i like him a lot he has a strong opinion but like which is why i didn't get mad at him yeah but it didn't for me personally it didn't work for mma for some reason it didn't work and that's because like there's something nice after you beat someone up like that you're humble about it like it's because it takes so much courage to get in there and fight. It's the scariest thing. There's something really cool about that. You would think in American culture, it's like, ah, you know, to talk shit, get them involved. But Khabib proves you could be a box office draw and not be an absolute fucking dick. Well, Stephen A. Smith was applying the same sort of methods that he uses for basketball and football.

And it's made him an amazing career you're right so he it's normal that he applied that to mma but i feel like mma requires a different approach in in in and i guess a lot of people agreed because he doesn't really do it anymore right and the the approach is that you have to appreciate respect his his approach was the same way with the guy fumbles a bunch of free throws or fucks up in you know football or you know strikes out like he didn't show up he didn't show up but the difference between combat sports is the reason he didn't show up is Connor steamrolled him right Connor steamrolled cowboy and cowboy is a friend of mine right and first of all I would never talk bad about Cowboy.

I love that guy to death. Donald Cerrone is a good friend. I love him. Every time I see him, I hug him. I can't talk bad about him. I know the pressures of fighting. I know what it meant to be there, and I know what it meant to be there in the biggest fight of his career.

And Stephen A. Smith had some points. He had some really good points. Donald didn't perform to the best of his ability. Donald, he got overwhelmed by the superior fighter. That's just how it is. But my perspective was not the same because my perspective is that it's really what Conor McGregor did to Donald Cerrone that led to the outcome. It's not that Donald didn't show up. It's that Conor was superior. So my position is always to highlight the one who is effective,

to talk positively about the one who dominated and who had a spectacular performance. It's never to talk badly about the one who got his ass kicked. Yeah. Because I've been hit before. I've been fucked up before. I've lost before. I know what it feels like. And I've been around these guys. I know who they are. I know everything about their ability.

I know everything about their history. I know everything about their career. I respect them to the core. I will never talk badly about them. So I'll never talk badly about someone who doesn't perform to the best of their ability. So our exchange, although it was respectful, it was indicative of a different philosophy. It's a different sport. Because if you're talking about basketball, you're talking about a sport.

You're talking about a guy who throws a ball into a net. It's very difficult. They're paid extremely well because it's so entertaining and they're so good. Fighting is who you are. It's who you are as a human. It's your soul. You're exposed. You're literally naked.

You have a cup over your dick. You have shorts over your ass. That's it's your soul you're exposed you're literally naked you have a cup over your dick you have shorts over your ass that's it right that's all you have you have little pads on your knuckles and then you have your personality your flaws your your your pros and cons exposed to the world and you have to be charitable you have to be because it's almost like if i was going to use an analogy with another sport it was almost like because you get hurt in mma like donald cerrone was hurt yeah so like it's fine when you're watching basketball to be like this team didn't show up when all the guys go back to the locker room and they're just like emotionally dejected but like it would be like if you watch a guy break his leg in basketball or like really gets hurt and then you go he didn't

show up you know that you know and you so you're going like that's not the right tone to have when someone's actually physically yeah been hurt i know i know and you know and stephen a smith you know we disagreed and we went back and forth and even the way he responded was very respectful and i really appreciate that like the way he responded to me about that was very respectful he's a good guy he's just got he's a thing he's doing a thing and he's great me about that was very respectful he's a good guy yeah he's just got he's a thing he's doing a thing and he's fucking great at it he was doing his thing he's doing his thing and you know what was interesting about that moment is i think we all learned as a

fan from a fan's perspective you're like oh that's the tone of mma for for that reason like you know at the end it's like there's a reason why like guys go bad with each other because that guy must have so much respect for that guy because he knows what that guy put on the line exactly and he knows how that guy's feeling you know that guy's hurt physically hurt exactly and the courage that it takes and it's like you said it's a difference between putting a ball in a hoop those things are great but that's you know you're not sacrificing you're you could really guys get hurt they get hurt for real well listen no one's ever died in mma but it's certainly possible yeah and guys have i shouldn't say no one's died in mma no one's ever died in MMA, but it's certainly possible. And guys have – I shouldn't say no one's died in MMA. No one's died in the UFC, but they have died in MMA.

They've certainly died in boxing. There's levels. And the way I describe MMA is it's high-level problem-solving with dire physical consequences. That's pretty accurate, yeah. That's what it is. That's my description of what it is, and I will always show those guys respect. But I respect Stephen A. Smith too. I like what he does yeah i think he's funny he's fun he's fun he causes arguments he may he talks shit and that's why he's so huge yeah he's so huge because he does

that thing and and it's applicable for sports it's applicable for football but i don't i don't think you should have the same approach for MMA. The same way, look, people can criticize human beings for all sorts of different things, but when you talk about soldiers and veterans, right, you're talking about a completely different type of consequences for their actions, completely different levels of stress

for what they have to go through, right? So if you discuss politicians You can discuss politicians In one way But when you discuss veterans I think you have to have a level of respect They deserve a level of respect Because they're dealing They're existing in a realm

Where the consequences are as grave As is humanly possible There's no more grave consequences than war. It's like when you talk, and like my dad fought in Korea, and you can, that's exemplified by when you talk to a veteran, they don't talk, they don't go like, hey, man, we mowed down. You know, they're like, they don't want to talk about it. Never.

You can't go to a veteran. Like, you couldn't go to my dad and be like, we really fucking whooped those Chinese. My dad would be like, my dad would be like, you don't know anything about war. You don't know. My dad didn't feel good about it. Exactly.

I took my dad once. This was a big mistake I made. This is a true story. Me and my friend, we came back from camp, and my dad would always take us to the movies. So we would go to the movies all the time. That was back when you read in the paper, and we went to see Hamburger Hill,

which was that Vietnam movie. So we go there, me and my boy, my childhood friend and my dad and during the movie my dad's just going ah he's making noises and then he starts cursing in the movie through the crowded movie like what the fuck is this what did you take me to this fucking shit and he's going like this is fucking you is this entertaining and we're just sitting there we're like eight years old and then he leaves this entertaining? And we're just sitting there. We're like eight years old. And then he leaves. And me and my friend were just sitting there. And then we left. We got in the car.

And he's screaming at us while he's driving. A few times, he lost it. He would look back. He wasn't even looking at the road. And he was like, do you know what it's like if he died in your arms? And we were sitting there. My friend starts crying. He's fucking crying.

He's scared. And then there's quiet. There was quiet. And then he just goes goes you guys want to get some pizza and we were just sitting there like this like and then we went and got pizza like he his moment passed yeah yeah it's a different thing it's yeah like you said it's real it's a it It's as real as anything that's ever existed. We're so detached from that now. America's just... Soft.

Wow. Yeah. Someone said something to me once, and it's a great thing, and I wish I could remember who said it, but I repeat it all the time, is that the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you. So if the worst thing that's ever happened to you is someone popped your basketball, you gonna cry like a bitch yeah you

know you broke my basketball you know you break Mike Tyson's basketball he's gonna be like well I guess I need a new yeah yeah it's relative yeah relative yeah and I think our society our culture you know, this is an old expression that hard times make hard men. Hard men make easy times. Easy times make soft men. Yeah. It's an old expression. Yeah.

And it's very, very appropriate for today. Because when people talk about the problems of today, and there are problems, but our problems are relatively insignificant in comparison to the problems of history. Yeah. They're the only problems that we know. The problems that we experience today are the most extreme problems that we've experienced. Yeah. barbarians storming Rome or, you know, the fucking Aztecs slaughtering 80,000 people after the completion of temples, the fucking Mayans dying because of probably like disease, you know, Native Americans experiencing the Europeans moving across the continent,

destroying their way of life. Like our fucking problems are the greatest problems we've ever known. But they're only great in comparison to the life that we've lived. And the life that we lived is fairly soft. Yeah. Even just when you look at plagues, like the Spanish flu wiped out like 40, 50 million people, which is equivalent to like 400 million people now. You got through COVID. How hard was it? I got through COVID.

I mean. What was the toughest part? Well, because I'm a bitch kind of. I was like, I'm scared. Jamie got through it. What was the toughest part? Well, because I'm a bitch, kind of. I was like, I'm scared. Jamie got through it in a day. Most of it was like the mental part was like, I was scared just because like how the, you know, you turn on the media and everything's always like,

they report on everything. They're like, one person is paralyzed. You're like, all right, dude, that's one person. Did you really have to, the media has got to report everything because it's like, we're living through a media boom. Yeah. It's almost like too much.

There's not enough news for them to cover. So they're like, they'll do, if you reported on fucking every single bad thing that happened, like people would be so scared and that's what they're doing. That's the problem. Like if you live, like, let's say you live in Austin, Texas and you report on the

worst things that happen in austin texas i mean there's a car accident here and there is a murder here and there there's a few robberies there's not a lot but a few shootings but if you look at the world now you're talking about seven point whatever billion fucking people if you have the bad news app on your phone and it's just only giving you bad news and it's fucking coming at you and waves like a twitter feed all bad bad bad bad bad you're scared

to go outside but we're not supposed to be getting people listening like what is that it's a lighter sounded like I was smoking crack it's a calibri sounded like I was smoking crack. It's a goddamn torch. It's a Calibri. The problem is we're getting too much data.

Like, it's not applicable to our life. You're supposed to get the data that's applicable to your life. Yeah. It was like I had the oxygen monitor during my COVID because, like, you know, you want to just make sure. I had double pneumonia. But because I had. What's double pneumonia? Each lung had inflammation and fluid.

Usually there's only one? You can get it on one side, I guess, but it doubles on both. Sounds better. Yeah, it's even at least. Sounds like you're suffering more. I'm trying to make it sound worse. I had double pneumonia. I had double pneumonia. It was bad.

And a hangnail. Yeah. But because I had it, I was checking it more. it's like the same thing with your phone and like news it's like because we can we just end up just checking it and worrying more and worrying more the the amount that people bitch the irony of it the amount that people complain and think things are bad is actually an indication of how great things are it's like the the point that people can disagree is actually a great, it's a great sign because you go to China,

you can't disagree there. If you're in a country where you can't have a civil disagreement, you're in a country that is not great. Do you know what's going on with this guy, Jack Ma? No. Jack Ma is a billionaire in China. He's the head of something called Alibaba, which I believe is like the Amazon of China.

Yeah. And he criticized- Old neighborhood. Yeah, I think it's like a genie, too. Yeah, it was a genie. Jack Ma criticized the Chinese government for being behind the times. Can't do that, yeah. And he's vanished.

Yeah. And he's a billionaire. Yeah. He's one of the richest men in the world, and they haven't seen him in two months yeah that happens you know and so they're lost and then i read like there's a history of these things happening whenever some billionaire from china talks some yeah they vanish them yeah this guy hasn't been seen from there whoopsie vanishing barons alibaba founder jack ma and four other chinese billionaires

who mysteriously who had mysteriously gone missing oh shit and he actually did an interview jack ma did an interview with elon musk that's uh like uh on you can watch it on youtube where elon musk didn't like him it's a fun it's an awkward interview elon didn't yeah well elon kind of like got gets a little like snarky with him because he's asking dumb questions. What kind of dumb questions is he asking? I don't remember, but... He might not be able to be really good at English. You know... Maybe his questions were dumb. Yeah, maybe he just didn't understand

him, yeah. He just got kind of annoyed with what he was asking, I remember. It was just like... See if you can find that. Yeah. I remember. It's definitely because I remember the kid. The kid's a weird-looking kid, and I remember remember it yeah yeah he's got a giant head like yeah too smart for his own good like literally looks like an egghead like his face is normal size but his head is like i have too much knowledge which is like people who have weird stuff should look at the silver

lining of that like you're memorable at least you know least, you know? Yeah, here it is. Jack Ma and Elon Musk are worried about a population collapse. Collapse? Yeah, that's something that people like on AI in Shanghai. They talk about AI. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't know what happened, but that dude has vanished.

Yeah. That poor bastard. He fucked up. It's a symptom of... It's a symptom in China of saying something that the government doesn't like. I mean, they're a communist regime and, you know, that's what they did. They got Hong Kong now and, you know, under the cover of COVID. Nobody talks about that conspiracy. It's like they've been talking...

Like war is not going to be fought anymore where people storming your border or that's antiquated. You can't do that. Everyone's got thermonuclear weapons. And so now nations kind of fight the way women fight, passively, aggressively. Subterfuge. A little like, we love you. And then there's a virus that gets crept across. And then we kind of just took Hong Kong with a security law under the cover of darkness.

Well, the weird thing is that there was these demonstrations in Hong Kong that were on the street forever. Remember those? Yeah. For months and months and months, and now they've sort of mysteriously vanished. Those have ended, yeah. They threw water on that shit. Yeah, and they've been wanting Hong Kong,

and they've been vocal about it for a long time. Like, hey, no, this is one China. We're going to take it back. And now it's like they're taking it back, and they're doing it in a very smart, like the way a smart woman would do it like i don't see a way out of it for them either for china it's like for the chinese people like i don't they're too powerful it's uh they can um i don't know man it makes a good argument for how that system has can be advantageous you know like people who are from there who come to America, who understand the dangers of it,

it's a very eerie warning. I had Melissa Chen on my podcast. I follow her. She's great. She's really great. But her worries about China are, you know, a lot of people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, no, no, no. She really actually understands what the dangers are.

And that's the dangers of accepting authoritarianism yeah authoritarianism in this country is like there's a lot of people that like it because it silences their opponents right like this what's going on right now with like parlors getting shut down and you know amazon pulls it from their servers and then apple pulls it off of their uh app store and then google pulls it off of their app store and then Google pulls it off the Google Play Store and everybody's like yeah good they're spreading hate like hmm what percentage is spreading hate like what's the numbers and is this is this wise that we shut down all discourse

that you agree with like yeah it's it's not good if someone gets on there and they're talking about violence against the government or violence against individuals or they're spreading racist ideas or whatever the fuck they're doing that disturbs people and angers people. You're right. That's not good. But I do not think that the solution is to shut them down because the real problem is that it sets a weird precedent. It sets a precedent where the people that are in power can decide that something is wrong speak, something is bad, and you can just eliminate it completely. Yeah. And then when things like that happen, they keep going. They don't just stop at that.

They don't stop at things that we can all agree are terrible they they go to things that maybe you don't think are terrible right but other people do think are terrible and then they keep going further than that you see this with the left like there's a lot of people that claim to be leftist they claim to be left-wing but they're not quite left-wing enough and so they get taken out by people who are more left-wing and it gets weird because it becomes this like sort of like Political ideological wrestling match. Yeah for control of like what is the left? What is the center? Yeah, where is the right if you disagree with anything on the left? You're the right you might be extreme, right? Right?

Yeah, I know the year Nazi if you guys but I think it What you're saying already happened because with this incident you're going like okay we blame Donald Trump's the president his rhetoric was kind of you know you can interpret it as like he kind of

gave them license to go do that so shouldn't the buck the buck stop with Donald Trump like Donald Trump that's even a little bit of a debatable thing

you're going like he was speaking legally you're going like that's a first amendment thing he was speaking he said peacefully go over there it's interpretable mixed signals of course the problem in my opinion is he says we have to be strong you have to go march to the capital yeah he gives mixed signals and he says like we have to do this correctly we have to respect our great

country like whoa whoa whoa what was that shit you said the other day right right you said that they don't respect anything other than strength right Right. Like you said, go march towards the... You're firing people up. And you're firing people up, but they live with their mom. They're in the basement. Yeah. They have no fucking job. Their identity is entirely associated with this movement.

Yeah. No, my opinion is that. But I'm saying legally, it's debatable. Like what he said. Right. You could argue it in court. But then the buck should stop there. I mean, it's already happening where they're going, oh let's take let's take this opportunity to shut down parlor

let's take this effort they're going after andy no's book now let's get that out of stores let's uh they want to keep going yeah because like it's uh this orgy of kind of like let's shut down this stuff that leads to and you're like wait a second how can you prove it leads to that i mean idiots are going to do what idiots do like and to me that was a coup attempt that was a coup attempt by guys who believe like that's what you'd expect a coup attempt would look like by guys who believe like that hillary clinton's a shapeshifter and she turns into a reptile that's what you'd imagine it would look like like what are we doing okay let's fucking let's go in there with trump flags and take selfies and god so it's so dumb. And let's go kidnap Nancy Pelosi

with zip ties. Zip ties. Stacks of zip ties. Like, more zip ties than there are members of the Senate. If anything, it was just like an inept coup attempt. Yeah. Well, it's losers. It's losers who decided this is their moment in the sun. And meanwhile, they're all COVID

deniers, so they're not wearing masks. No. Because they're so fucking stupid. Yeah. Like, that guy's sitting on Pelosi's office with his feet up on her table. Yeah. Like, what did he think was going to happen? He thought he was winning. He thought he was winning. It's funny.

This is it. Yeah. And if you look at that guy, like, his bone structure is very primitive. Yeah. You ever see the photo of that guy? Like, he has, like, a chimpanzee face. Yeah. Well, you know, I think...

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. photo of that guy like he has like a chimpanzee face yeah well you know i think you know i'm saying yeah if you did like a if you did a dna test of the people who did that i think you would find that they're like barely sliding into human like it's a it's a play at the plate like you got to go check the instant replay and see if a finger got in there they're closer to that than they are like smarter people well that dude that one. See, pull up a photo of that dude with his feet on Nancy Pelosi's desk. I know the fish. He's very chimp-like in his bone structure. Look at that.

But go to the one on the right-hand side. Look how prominent his cheekbones are. Right there. That one down there in the corner where he's got the paper where he's holding up her mail. Yeah. Go look at that. Come on, son. Yeah, yeah.

That is... Yeah, he does. Very chimp-like bone structure. Yeah. Go get that. Come on, son. Yeah, yeah. That is... Yeah, he does. Very chimp-like bone structure. Yeah. Yes. Look, evolution is not a fucking fair race. No, it's not, man. I realized that when I talked to guys like Elon Musk. I'm like, oh, you're way ahead of me. Yeah, he's just on a different level.

Yeah, I think there's like four levels of humans there's like you got you're really dumb you got you're brilliant you got guys who can kind of look at the brilliant and say he's brilliant and then you got guys a little below who can look at the guys who know that the guys are brilliant like that guy's smart right and then you got your elon musk then you got your elon musk is the brilliant at the top yeah i've got ideas i've got ideas i can't stop them He's looking at us like we're going Every time we speak he just hears chip noises Yeah exactly I have that feeling every time I talk to him

Don't say something stupid Don't say something stupid To him everything's being a little Everything's stupid He's like sorry engineering was happening here I'm like What's going on? Yeah.

Figure out differential equations. Yeah. How do you govern that shit? How do you govern that shit without being a dictatorship? Because I look at Rome and they had the kings. Then they had democracy for a little bit. They tried to do the Greek thing. But then it was just a succession of Caesars, which are essentially dictators that kind

of had the longest success. Queen Elizabeth, the same thing. You know, just a succession of Caesars, which are essentially dictators that kind of had the longest success. Queen Elizabeth, the same thing, you know, just a great era. She was a dick. She was fucking and she was fierce. She was a fierce bitch. Well, it really is interesting because it seems like our founding fathers kind of knew what the pitfalls were. So they tried to put a bunch of checks and balances in place so no one could ever be a real dictator. That's why they figured out the House of Representatives.

That's why they figured out the whole system, Congress, the Senate, all these different things, like the Electoral College. They tried to map it out so no one could ever completely dominate the populace. But one of the things they fucked up is this idea of... Slavery was a big one, too. That's a giant one. that's a giant that's

a big we're all free fuck but also that's weird the the real problem was the like being able to vote for someone who runs the whole thing because it's a popularity contest yeah and the thing about trump was he's the first popular person to enter the popularity contest yeah individually like independently popular. Yeah. Like that had never happened before. Right. And he hijacked it. Yeah.

Someone who was like mastered reality TV and Twitter, which are like the two mediums that became what we all are like kind of zombies to. Well, and even before that, it was pop culture. This guy was in rap songs and he was in Home Alone. I mean, he was famous for being a baller like a long time ago. Yeah. He made himself a celebrity. He's like a comic. Like even his Twitter looks like an unhinged comic. Fuck you. You know how we comics pay attention to the one negative comment and we'll respond to it like idiots. Like we're talking about my Twitter. It's like if I was president. I mean, it's not a good thing. Well, how about when Megyn Kelly was interviewing him?

She asked him a question about disparaging women, calling women pigs. He goes, only Rosie O'Donnell. I mean, how funny is that? Timing, perfect. I mean, crushed. He's got great timing. I mean, he's used to working the crowd.

How about like, I don't trust him, you know, with him in charge of the... When Hillary goes, like, I don't trust him with putting people in, he goes, no, I put you in prison. Yeah, because you'd be in jail. Because you'd be in jail. And he nails it, and the audience is like,

but then we'd realize that we had fucked up. We'd let something out of the bottle. We let a genie out of the bottle. It's going to be very tough to put that fucker back in. I don't know how we return to normal, man. It's going to be even like, even when you listen to politicians now, they're going to try to... The center and normal, reasonable rhetoric just is not entertaining. And now we want entertaining.

And I blame the media. I really go back my personal opinion is the media did not adapt to the digital age they started giving articles away free online dependent on ads instead of subscriptions and they increasingly got more fictionalized clickbait more clickbait headlines and then it just kept going and going and going now it's just like car crashes that's right but what are they gonna do? They had to survive. Yeah, I mean, I get it.

I mean, the internet came and this is something we have to adapt to. Like we can't go away. It's great. I mean, this show is because, this show is great. You know, this is the only place you can listen to, you know, Michael Kosta

and then you can also listen to astronauts and- Cornel West. Cornel West and fucking the greatest thinkers of the day. Elon Musk, yeah. Yeah. And it's like for a long time and you dig it because they're interesting people. So the internet gave birth to that. Yeah.

But then like, you know, without it, there's no yang without a yang. And then also we got, you know, guys who believe that reptiles are, you know, turning into Democrats and Democrats are drinking children's blood under pizza restaurants and shit like that. So it's like, because that's fucking entertaining. Like, you're not going to get a lot of followers if you're saying, hey, guys, the right's kind of weird and the left's getting weird. They're going, fuck that guy. I want to hear about Hillary Clinton turning into a reptile and sucking off puppies.

Politicians are celebrities now. Like, Nancy Pelosi is this form of celebrity now. Fucking chefs are celebrities. Get back in the fucking kitchen, you fat fuck. I don't want to see your crocks and your fucking sauce-stained schmuck. What are you doing outside of the kitchen?

Why am I listening to a fucking chef? They're artists. Do your drugs back there. They got to do coke because they work long hours and like get back. One of them was entertaining

and unfortunately, he's not here. Yeah. He was, he was, he was the most. Yeah, but he kind of fucking ruined it, man, because he was so dope.

Now I got to listen to fucking Mario Batella, you know? Yeah, I wish he was still around. Yeah. Fuck. He was so great. He was so, like... He was a real dude. And then, you know, then it becomes pop, just like everything.

What Austin's scared of with this california invasion yeah well austin's not you but they're like yeah let's keep austin austin they're worried about texas in general becoming blue yeah versus red and i think what texas needs is a blue spot in a red state i think they're better off with that they're better off with the regulations of the republicans where they allow the restaurants to stay open and they they allow business and they allow even art like stand-up comedy you know i'm i got a show tonight with chapelle at stubs barbecue show yeah yeah when you know we're doing that because we can do it in texas where it makes sense where they say okay we're going test the people we're gonna covid test the

entire crowd can we jam 400 people into this place are you testing them yeah okay yeah and they're like okay good in california you can't do anything it's a great point man you can't do fucking anything you can't do anything and they're like we need to protect people we need to protect people except you know except the people that are losing their fucking jobs except people that are losing their business they've had for 30 years in their family yeah they're losing it because of incompetent government that doesn't recognize the fact that there's consequences to all decisions and you you can't just decide that you're going to stop business you have to think like what does this do what's the trickle down effect right what does this do for suicide depression alcohol and drug abuse what does this do to domestic abuse child abuse like there are consequences to this right like how bad is this

right we're in a bad space but is it the worst but no it's not adjust adjust you're i can't you can't argue that man it's like uh it's it's really exposed kind of the failure for us to be prepared like the failure in bureaucracy um yeah because it's a real sophie's choice but sophie's choice that's a good one yeah that's a real sophie's choice where you got to choose between explain that to people what is sophie's choice is like she had to choose it's a great movie by uh a great movie with meryl streep uh you know that a lot of people just were you're supposed to read the book in high school but then you just saw the movie and you're like, yeah, I read it. Because it's like a thousand pages. But it's a great, it's like

what it basically means is you have to choose between two bad options. She had to choose between which kid she was gonna pick during the Holocaust. And of course she went with the guy because, you know, old Spartan rules. You know, a kid can live shit. So, I'm kidding ladies. But I don't remember which one he picked.

I don't remember which one she picked either. And I just called her him, but I don't know what she's doing these days. Well, she might be him now. Who knows? She can just go back and forth. What is that? Spoiler, you're it.

She chose him? Spoiler from the 80s. What was Sophie's choice? How come she hasn't been fucking put on notice for that? She chose the boy over the girl. That's fucking, I'll put her on notice. No, it's fiction. Yeah.

And you could do that back then. Today they would rewrite it. They would. Like, she chose the girl. the girl that's fucking i'll put her on notice it's fiction yeah and you could do that back then today they would rewrite it they would like she chose the girl she chose a trans girl she chose a trans girl yeah yeah so uh yeah it's a sophie's choice between the economy and um icu's being overrun you got to think that out a little better you can't even cuomo's admitting it now he's going like we can't continue to do this you're like dude you should have kind of been sympathizing with that a little bit more a little earlier. Well, in his defense, no one knew. They didn't know. They didn't know what this was going to be.

They're all figuring it out as they go along. One of the problems of Monday morning quarterbacking is everybody's looking back at his decisions and saying, you know, hey, you should have done this. You should have done that. We didn't know what the fuck it was. Yeah. We thought it was should have done that. We didn't know what the fuck it was. We thought it was going to kill everybody. We didn't know what it was. We didn't know we'd be in a room right now with me, maskless, with two people that have survived COVID.

We didn't know. Yeah, and I am a survivor. I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor. I'm a survivor. I had a stomachache. Do you have the eye of the tiger? I got the eye of the tiger.

I'm a survivor. I was listening to it while I had COVID. I went on tour with that guy, the guy from Survivor. Me and Charlie Murphy and John Heffron, we did a real men of comedy tour. It was a Bud Light Maxim tour. And the Survivor guy, the singer, rest in peace, they would sing sing songs like the real men of genius you remember those bud light songs you remember those jamie yeah i was just i was thinking like that's why because they're sponsored by me i was like yeah he would sing those songs at the shows it was really

fun yeah he was a good dude man he was a fun guy the eye of the tiger guy and he would he would sing songs like for bud light at these shows that we did. It was really fun. That's dope. I went on tour with Charlie Murphy and Don L when I was first starting comedy. What year was this? This was 2005 or 2006, right when Chappelle's show was like. That's right before we did our tour. We did our tour in 2007.

Yeah. And it was like, man, that was crazy how popular that show was. I remember walking in the mall with charlie murphy and everyone was like fuck your couch charlie murphy and uh i went one day me and charlie murphy went alone to the mall because i had to buy underwear because i didn't i wasn't like an experienced road comic i was just selling donnell's posters and like doing five minutes and uh me and him i went to the mall because i had to buy underwear because i ran out of underwear and it was just me and him walking.

And he's just every step of the walk. I'm rich, bitch! I'm rich! I mean, that show was a cultural phenomenon. It's the greatest sketch comedy show in the history of the world, and it only ran two seasons. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah.

Comedy Central fucked it up. Yeah. Well, they did that third season without Chappelle. Yeah, you know. And Donnell hosted it, and they're still tight. Comedy Central fucked it up Yeah Well they did that third season Without Chappelle But Yeah You know And Donnell hosted it And you know They're still tight

Him and Dave are still tight Donnell's gonna be there tonight Yeah Donnell's my old When do you fly back? I'm going to LA tomorrow So you're free tonight? Yeah

Come to the show Yeah man Donnell and me go back Donnell got me into comedy Really? Donnell's the guy That kind of got me into comedy I quit because I

was like, I got shot and then I was having panic attacks. When did you get shot? I wanted to ask you about that. What happened? The fictional story or the real one? The one I tell girls? The real one. Oh, the real one. Okay. Because I used to say, hey, I was over Darforch saving children. You know, you take some fire. It's what you do when you're

saving the world. But no, when I first started doing comedy, I was working in nightclubs. And I used to work at this nightclub that was like kind of thuggish. It was like a thuggish, like real thugs went there. And my friend was a promoter. And he would carry thousands of dollars of cash with him. And so it was like an attempted robbery. And yeah, I got shot point blank range, 38.

Where'd you hit it? Right here in the leg. Whoa. Right by my piece. Yeah, it was close. Thank God my penis is bigger. You know, missed. Right there and it lodged itself in my butt cheek.

And then a couple years later, the bullet came out. Funny story, when the surgeon, they took it out because a foreign object will like slowly work its way to the surface, like your body will reject it. So it got to the point where i could like feel it and then i had surgery they put me under took it out and i remember they were taking it out and i was like coming to and i the surgeon was down there with the nurse and i just farted right in their face because i was up in stirrups so when i came to it was like a huge fart it was hilarious that's hilarious i was doing social work when i got the x-ray right before I went to the surgeon. I was doing social work. So I worked with like a lot of older

Christian ladies and I went and got the x-ray and brought it back to my office and they all wanted to see the bullet. And I hadn't looked at the x-ray yet. And they all gathered around, all these older Christian women. And I took the x-ray out and put it against the window. And it was like, you could just see my penis. Like it was like my limp penis and it was like you could just see my penis like it was like my limp penis because it was an x-ray of my pelvis so it shows up on the x-ray you saw the bullet it was like a and then like my penis just like a ghost penis yeah it's like a police sketch of my penis like the outline of it and they were like oh and they all kind of like turned away it was hilarious yeah it's hilarious yeah did the guy shoot you because because he wanted to make a point?

He was robbed and he was trying to rob because he knew that... But why did he shoot you? So what happened was like we were getting in the car and... Notice I said he. I assumed you weren't robbed by a woman. Yeah, which is kind of like... Sexist. Yeah.

Why couldn't a woman shoot me? They're capable. They are. Yeah. They should be equally represented in prison as well. Occ they are they are yeah they should be equally represented in prison as well occasionally they are when they're on coke yeah we need to put more women in prison for equal representation in prison so i looked back and i saw him he had a mask on gloves he was coming like as we were getting in the car and i just made a decision to try to get in the

car and tell my friend to drive which was stupid he kind of sped up and then kind of fell into the car it was a jeep thank god because i was higher up because if it was lower it might have been you know somewhere here and then i the gun was kind of like in the car i saw it and i just grabbed his arm and then i like pushed it down and he fired so it just went bang and then yeah i got shot right there and then like i kind of i remember making a like concerted decision to pretend like i was hurt uh it was just a decision on the moment like i just like really hurt even though i didn't know if i was or wasn't so i kind of just like slithered down on him and he kicked me a few times i remember and then he ran and the cops they caught

him because that club was always a problem so cops were always close by and uh yeah what year was this this was 2001 may 2001. so you just started i just started i just started coming you kept going after that yeah see i get emotional when i think about it because like it's like uh it really derailed well i quit for a while because i get on stage and i started having these panic attacks and i didn't know what that was like i was totally i didn't know what i'd get on the train and i'd start bugging out like i was cool for a little while like right afterwards i got right back to it and I think I even did an SNL audition with Jason Steinberg

set me up with it at Stand Up New York it was the year that Rob Riggle got it and I did it like I limped up on stage it was like the two nights and I bombed but and then the panic attack started happening and then I didn't know what those were and I was like fucking what is this

and it was like PTSD I guess yeah and I'm an anxious person to begin with so damn yeah it was a weird thing and then I kind of quit comedy for a couple years and Don L Don L's the guy that kind of like I would do I became friends with him too through this guy Adam and then uh he would have me on his show once a week at this place, Miriam Square on Upper East Side, and then he took me on the road, and that's how I really started again in like 2005, 2006, when Chappelle's show was hitting. I became friends with Donnell, and he would encourage me.

He was like, yo, man, yo, son, you're funny. Son, son. I mean, he's been saying son for 20 years. Forever. Yeah. He probably calls his son, son, son. Son. Yo, son, come in here, son. Donnell's a. Forever. Yeah. Well, that was a New York thing. He probably calls his son, son, son. Son. Yo, son, come in here, son.

Yeah. Donnell's a national treasure. Yeah. I love that dude to death. I owe him really a lot. Like, he was the guy who got me into it again. And, you know,

so thank you, Donnell. He's been a good friend ever since. He's a wild kid. He's a hilarious dude. He's so funny, dude. He shakes the room. Like, he's one of those guys

that when he connects, like, I remember he used to do these old black rooms where i would start he would put me up this place called poke knockers where somebody got my sick home poke knockers in brook poke knockers spell it p-o-k and then knockers and it was like it was a black room i mean like i walked in and it was like everyone thought i was a cop kind of thing you know and uh he would rip people he would host and like anyone who walked by the stage he would just rip them and i remember one night i bombed so bad that when i got off it was like i was scared to just walk out and I was like hoping there was another exit. Like you ever bomb so bad you like want to leave your jacket somewhere? Like it was one of those.

And he would just rip. I mean he would rip. The first time I saw Burr. And Burr walked in just crushed. Him and Rich Voss were the only two guys you would see go into those black rooms and just level. And I remember the first thing Burr said. Because this show was in like the hood. It was in Bed-Stuy. And the first thing Burr said, because this show was in the hood. It was in Bed-Stuy.

And the first thing Burr said when he got up there, he's like, ah, good to be back in the old neighborhood. No fear, just kind of. And then did him and just leveled. He's a national treasure. There's a few of those guys out there that just no matter what happens, they're still swinging.

Chappelle's one of them. There's a few of those guys, no matter what happens they're still swinging chapelle's one of them there's a few of those guys no matter what happens they're still just swinging just swinging they don't they don't stop what they're doing and people don't realize how fragile real comedy actually is it's like they want to take what you're saying as fact like this is what you really think like no they're saying that because it's a funny thing to say patrice had the best take on it there was a time where opie and anthony got in trouble for something and patrice was on this uh talk show and he was talking to about it but there was this woman on the show who was saying like this was inappropriate you should never say this he goes you gotta understand that when a comedian says something whether it makes you laugh or it makes you angry it's all coming from the

same place they're trying to make you laugh like the intention is important they're just trying to make you laugh they're not trying to take down the world unless they're terrible unless they're really a bad person most comedians are not but we don't necessarily know if something's gonna hit until you say it right you know you say but the whole intention is just to get a good feeling from the audience you want everybody to go i can't believe you said that you're honest yep that's the whole reason to say it yeah and usually the guys who are saying all the right things those are the ones you got to watch vince champ bill cosby i'm clean don't curse yeah so true right so true people don't understand like bad people don't announce they're bad.

Yes. You know what I mean? If you're a serial killer, you don't walk in and go, hey, can I rape you? It's like they pretend to be the opposite of who they are. So you should want comedians to say bad things. You're trying to define comedy out of existence. The class clown wasn't funny because he said the right thing at the right time. You know what I'm saying? He was the guy that took a chance. Huh? He was the guy that took a chance. Yeah, he said the right thing at the right time. You know what I'm saying?

It's like, and that's how- He was the guy that took a chance. Huh? He was the guy that took a chance. Yeah, he was the guy who said the wrong thing, who farted during Quaker meeting, you know? That was like the hardest I've still ever laughed in my entire life. I went to Quaker school for a little while. What's Quaker?

To be a Quaker? It was like, well, Brooklyn Friends. It was, so Quakers had schools called like Friends. You went to a Quaker school? I went to a Quaker school for a little while, yeah. Was your family Quakers? No, Greek Orthodox, but like anyone could go and, you know. Why did you go?

Parents just put me there, you know. They thought it was a better school for you? They thought it was a better school. I went from public school. I was failing out and they were like, let's put them in. It was a private school, you know. So I went there and it's a Quaker school. So it's not like an elite, it's like a Quaker school.

So it's like they have a different, you get a pass or a fail. And it's really cool. I respect the Quakers, you know. They didn't do slavery. And they're cool. That's a positive. They were on the oats. They were on the oats.

They make oats and shit. They do a little inbreeding and whatnot. But, you know. Every now and then. Every now and then. You got to fuck your cousin. Yeah, because, I mean, there's not that many Quakers around. Yeah, that's a problem.

But, yeah, a lot of it is sitting in silence. That's their thing. So every, when you go to a Quaker school, that's a problem. Yeah, a lot of it is sitting in silence. That's their thing. So when you go to a Quaker school, every day you start the day with a moment of silence. The whole school is quiet. And then once a week, the whole school gathers for 45 minutes, and everyone sits in silence unless God moves you to speak. Did you fart? It was my friend who farted. And it was the funniest fucking thing that's ever happened because the

headmaster was sitting right in front of us and he turned around and he still had that pre-coffee morning face anger and the fart and the sound of the fart in that context and his turnaround and it was what you know when you're a kid you can't stop laughing and the memory i just heard the fart in my head for 45 minutes, and I kept laughing, and we got in huge trouble. What kind of trouble? Like, we got kicked out. Getting kicked out of a silent meeting,

because we couldn't stop laughing. We'd stop laughing, and then I'd go, and we'd start laughing again. Dude, the fart, I mean, as a comedian, like, you're going after people. Like, these journalists are going after people

where we're, our whole field is to chase the fart the king of comedy yeah that's the funniest thing is the fart it's the king i understand the journalist though it's like it's a target like if that's what you're doing with your life you you gotta define targets and attack i get it i understand even when they attack me i understand what they're doing. I get it. If they wanted to have a one-on-one conversation, I think it would be better. The problem with writing anything down without any interruption or any interjection or any explanation, you're distorting what a thing is.

You change what a thing is by putting it in quotes and just writing it. You make out a comic to be this bad person. You change what it is. Yeah, it's like taking a fish out of water. Comedy is nothing without context. You can take a fish out of water and try to judge that fish, but that's not, it's out of context. Out of context.

Have you ever invited any of these cocksuckers on your show after they say something about you? They're too scared to. They wouldn't come. I don't have to. It's okay. Yeah, sorry I'm getting riled up for you. No's i i you don't need to for me man yeah i mean for whatever reason i have a understanding perspective about because you could whip ass i don't know if

that's it i just i i've thought about it in a bunch of different ways and i put myself in their position you know if i wasn't a funny person or a person who desired to be funny and i looked at it a certain way i think ultimately all of this battle the the pros and cons the the you know all of this this chaos that's going on if if we play our cards right it's going to lead to a better world i really believe that i really do i'm an ultimate optimist. And I think that even the people that are misrepresenting people, it gives birth to discussion and conversation. And the people that are wise and that really understand what's going on, they're going to defend free speech and free thought.

They're going to defend comedy because everybody loves comedy. Everybody loves comedy. If you don't love comedy, I mean, loves comedy everybody loves comedy if you don't love comedy i mean i feel sorry for you i don't understand what's wrong i don't i don't know i don't know why you don't want to laugh if you just want to look at comedy and go oh you're saying that because you're bad oh don't say that oh you crossed a line oh you did this like those people have their own internal problems to deal with, and they're imposing those problems on people and hoping they get support from others.

The most hilarious thing is when someone chimes in and they think they're going to stop comedy, and they're in a room where everybody supports comedy, and the comic's like, oh, really? Right. And then they get crushed, and then they storm out of there thinking, what happened? What went wrong?

All this works in my gender studies group. you know they take this chance yeah it's funny you know it's usually the people who've been through the least that um who don't appreciate comedy of course you know people who've been through shit they need comedy it's like it's a it's a therapeutic for them like you could just tell the messages we get just with the podcast and like people will message and go like hey man you're helping me get through this time and it's like if you've been through shit you're there to laugh they you don't care how dark it is or whatever because it could pales into comparison to the real shit you've been through that's why i stopped doing colleges yeah i stopped doing colleges. I was in Miami.

They don't need comedy. Their lives are great. They're in flip flops. They're fucking, you know, they're taking fucking liberal arts classes. Their parents are paying for it. Yeah, good point. It's the worst crowds. I did a college in Miami and this was in like, I don't know.

I don't even know what year it was. It was probably early 2000s. And I said some joke about sex. And I said, no judgment. And there was a weird reaction. I go, how many people are virgins? And there was an uncomfortable silence. And I go, god damn.

How many of you people are virgins? And I realized, I'm talking about sex. I'm talking about the weirdness of sex. And it's probably like 30% of the people that have never even had it and I'm like oh no where were you performing like Harvard or Princeton somewhere in Miami and they didn't have sex no some of them didn't or if they did maybe they had it once and didn't know what they were doing

but it was a weird moment I think I was talking about I'm pretty sure the bit was about someone giving you head while looking at you and I'm like

there's nothing creepier than someone sucking your dick while looking you in the eyes like you don't want to be looking through the windows the soul while someone's got their dick in your mouth and I remember they were like huh? what? and they hadn't experienced that before and I was like oh okay and you know what at that age I remember they were like, huh? What? It's true, yeah. And they hadn't experienced that before. And I was like, oh, okay, okay.

And you know what? At that age, I remember, though. At that age, when a woman would look at me like that, I would get embarrassed. Now when you get older and creepier, you want to get looked at. But when you're younger, you're like, stop looking at me. Exactly. I make my wife look at me. Yeah.

my wife look at me yeah but it was the other part of the joke was uh the the the woman in my act and the joke was like i'll do it with my hand i'd be like and i said what would make you think that you could possibly be as good at that as me yeah like that is that is the most ridiculous thing i've been doing that for years. And I said, having a girl jerk you off is like trying to brush your teeth with your left hand. It's like the most frustrating, uncoordinated, spastic. But see, as an older pervert, that's kind of fun. If someone doesn't know what they're doing.

Yeah. Yeah, when you're older, yeah. You risk getting tired? Yeah. Are you forearm tired there? You need something extra to get off when you get older yeah you you risk getting tired yeah are you forearm tired yeah you need something extra to get off

when you get a little first hand job I get this girl from St. Saviour's in Brooklyn she jerked me off on a rock in the park and I think she jerked me off for two and a half hours

cause it was just like not my hand so she was going like ah she was pulling one of those like ah you know

she took my hand just put it on it and i was like fine let me just do it that's hilarious you know what bit i loved yours uh back in the day um i don't know if you put it on a special ever but it was so fucking funny was about hugh hefner oh yeah the girls really on a special. They're vomiting. It was so fucking funny, man. The only version of it out there sucks. But the idea was that he had said once, someone interviewed him and they said,

how do these girls feel? Like these 20-year-old girls dating you. And he goes, well, they feel very lucky. This has always been a dream for them. And I was like, lucky this has always been a dream for them and i was like lucky lucky living the dream and i get so bit about these poor girls like like hang in there you're gonna get a porsche hang in there i can't do this yeah yeah that was i remember i was rolling laughing when i saw that it's so funny it was such a weird i i remember one time uh he

came to the comedy store and i did the bit i did and and everyone's like you're gonna do the bit i'm like fuck yeah i'm gonna do the bit and i did the bit and then just hid he came he came to the store with like two different playmates yeah he was like because that was his thing right he would go there with these girls yeah and it was very performative you know it was like very it was before social media it was like this thing where he would like he had this persona that he was you know he would wear like a fucking smoking jacket and show up everywhere with a bunch of girls you're like wow that guy's he's he's killing it and i was like what is happening here? Like, imagine if that's your daughter. Like, what has gone wrong in these young ladies' lives?

Remember we had that show, The Girls Next Door, those poor ladies. You know, that's the thing about comedians. Like, people say, you're going to do that bit. They were saying it like, you shouldn't, because he's here. And you're like, fuck yeah, I'm going to do it. No, I did it.

Donnell could tell you a story. When I was doing that show, tonight he'll tell you, I'll bring it up. When I was doing that show, tonight he'll tell you, well, I'll bring it up. When I was doing that show at Marion Square, there was four girls I invited to the show, and I had slept with all four girls. Oh, no.

And I said to Donnell before, because I didn't really have any material. I was a horrible comic. And I was like, you know, I fucked all those girls. I'm going to make a joke about it. And he's like, son, I wouldn't do that. And I said, no, i think it'll be real

funny and he you know dono just like older comic was like i'd son do you son you know like and he kind of like and then i did it and it went horrible like the girls were like fucking stormed out they didn't talk to me ever again but that was my stage like where i would just do the wrong thing i went on bet and dono this is one of his favorite stories. I went on BET when they were doing live comedy on 106th and Park. So it was like a competition where the audience judged. And I had an N-word joke. And this show was doing well for black comics.

So I was on there. I might have been one of the only white comics to ever be on there. And they heard the material for it. I performed it for the producers in a room. And they heard the material for it. I performed it for the producers in a room, so they knew the material, but I guess they just kind of didn't think about it. This was before Wokeness, kind of. So I did the joke live on BET about the N-word,

and then BET banned live comedy on that show after that. I went to watch it on a rerun, and there was a rerun of Pinky and the Brain on. I was like, something went wrong and the joke was about how like um you know they should say the rappers should say it more just the fuck with white people it should be like every other word to just so white people just have to skip like half of the song and then if they slip up and say one just black person can just hook off and fucking punch him in the face and it was the time that jamie uh jamie fox's song i'm not a gold digger was out so i was like singing that song i think

i even said the n-word well that's kanye west song yeah kanye uh no no uh that was jamie fox sings on it but it's a kanye west song right yeah i think my it was like jamie fox sings the yeah he sings the vocals like yeah yeah jamie talks about how him and Kanye worked together on that song, about Kanye sort of directing him on how to do it. Yeah. Yeah, he's an interesting guy, man. Out of all the people that I've interviewed and talked to, Kanye West is one of the most interesting.

Yeah. Because I was like, in the middle of talking to him, I was like, I don't know anybody like you. Right. He's got a really unique brain man he's so good at music he's such a good producer he makes good music but i gotta admit man i'm a sneakerhead since i was a little kid i don't understand sneakers they look like people tires like i don't they just look like tires and they sell for like three grand and people buy them. He's killing it. He's killing the game.

He's got this perception of life that's very unique. Like he breaks down like agriculture. He breaks down housing. He breaks down like electricity and like fucking irrigation. Like his brain is firing at like a thousand RPMs an hour. A minute rather. He's constantly going, man. He's a weird guy in a very positive way.

Very underappreciated in that respect. People malign him because I think his Donald Trump support, I think a lot of it was about when Obama called him a jackass. I think that fucking stuck in his craw. He was like, oh yeah, I'll show you a fucking jackass or maybe he was just one of the only rich black people being honest being like yo less taxes

you know what I mean cause I always feel like a lot of people are liberal on the gram and then they get in the voting booth and they're like 50 cent at the funniest response he had a moment where he was like fuck that he goes I don't want to be 5 cent everyone's liberal on the gram and then they get in their accountants office and they're like alright Fuck that. He goes, I don't want to be five cents. Everyone's liberal on the grab. And then they get in their accountant's office.

They're like, all right. Well, I don't think they really believe that the money that they give up is going to go to good. I think if people were 100% assured that if you give up more of your taxes, the world's going to be a better place, they would believe it. But then they see all this nonsense with politicians and they're like, I don't trust you with the money. I mean, that fucking stimulus bill, and then they had another bill sending all that foreign aid to other countries. What was that about? What the fuck is this, dude?

It's $600. Like, I almost stormed a Capitol. Gender studies in Pakistan. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? Like, at this moment, you're giving, like, foreign aid. This is not the time for foreign aid It just shows how weird politics are that you have to appeal to all of your lobbyists and all your special interest groups And there was a part of the bill that made it a federal felony to stream

To like for illegal streaming they try to slip that in you slipped it in they did slip it in There was also a part of the kovat bill that made it so that they have to expose all the UFO secrets that the CIA has. Do you understand they released that now? They released it today. All the UFO studies, all the information the CIA has about UFOs are released today. Because I think Jeremy Corbell posted it, the guy who produced the documentary, Bob Lazar, UFOs and Bob Lazar. What produced the documentary Bob Lazar, UFOs and Bob Lazar. What is it? What is the documentary on Netflix?

Bob Lazar, Flying Saucers and UFO. Area 51 and Flying Saucers. Area 51 and Flying Saucers. But didn't they release that today? You want another one? These fucking things get too small. They did release the information and on the New York Post website, this is a picture of the CD-ROM.

They said the information was too small. Small ones like poor people. Yeah, these are great, though, man. They are great, right? Yes. Shout out to Foundation Cigars. And, you know, I haven't had one in so long, so this one is special. Yeah, it's the thing that people don't realize about cigars.

They get you high as fuck. Yeah, and when you hold off for a while from something you really love It's like you ever like not jerk off for a long time and you know, it's like end up hitting yourself in the face That was worth it This cigar is amazing they're good, right? So what is it saying in the post they got put up on a website called the black vault and They're good, right? So what is it saying in the post? They got put up on a website called The Black Vault. And according to this article, the guy who runs the site obtained the CD-ROM, which I don't know who the fuck is using CD-ROMs.

And it looks like they printed a CD label on like you would do when you burned a mixtape for your friends 20 years ago. I don't know. We need a common enemy right now. I hope that they release it. Aliens. I hope they lie to us need a common enemy right now. I hope that they release that the aliens, I hope they lie to us even if they're like friendly.

I hope they're, but you know what? Like if there are aliens, I think it would make sense that they would come here and not talk to us because imagine like they got to be so advanced

to be able to travel that far. So like it would be like us walking up to an anthill and being like, oh, that's what they do. And then you're like, you're not going to want to hang out with the ants you're going to be like all right i peeped it out and now i'm going to go back to my other fucking like my my planet where shit is lit and we mind fuck and we're telepathic and you know fucking we you think the kama sutras

we just fucking mind fuck yeah they don't have dicks anymore yeah they i think that's our future i think what aliens are is human beings in the future i really do believe that when we think of the archetypal agent aliens with the the large heads and the tiny bodies where we don't have any need for muscles anymore and we don't have any need for general generals anymore because everything happens in the mind like we're all obsessed with breeding and fucking and social interaction and status and clout and material possessions and all these different things. But if we could eliminate all of our biological shortcomings and pitfalls, you know, what would we look like? Well, we'd look like aliens.

I mean, we are less biologically impaired or dependent than, say, the lower primates. If you look at, like, a chimpanzee, like, they're always, they're killing each other and raping each other and smashing. And, you know, it's like chimps are ruthless fucking animals. I mean, they really are. And we are descendants of chimps. Those are our ancestors, or at least similar to our ancestors. We share an ancestor with them, yeah. And you look at a chimp with no hair, Jesus Christ.

I mean, they're fucking shredded, giant muscles, thick tendons. And then you look at what an alien looks like in terms of the archetypal gray with the big heads and the large eyes and the tiny, tiny little limbs. That's us. That's the future.

We're so much more feeble than a gorilla. You've got to imagine that if we keep moving in this direction, we're going to be more and more feeble than a gorilla you got to imagine that if we keep moving in this direction we're going to be more and more feeble right we're going to be like them do you think that uh it's possible that aliens are us in the future just coming back to peep and the reason they can't is because it's like back to the future it'll fuck up that's possible it's also possible that this is the natural course of progression for biological life and then if everything goes well we don't get hit by a meteor or blow ourselves up in a nuclear accident that we go from

single-celled organisms to multi-celled organisms to a some sort of a creature that figures out how to manipulate its environment and once they figure out how how out how to manipulate their environment then they start manipulating their DNA they start changing the environment they live in they start changing you changing the actual atmosphere. And then they start traveling to other planets and other worlds. They start figuring out intergalactic

travel. That's us. It's going to be us. And what they represent... I think it's more like farmers coming to check on the spores. Like, do we have mushrooms yet? Like, what do we got here? Interesting, yeah. We'll come back. We'll come back in a little bit. Well, why don't they help out a little bit though and they think they might be they might be helping out yeah they might have stopped us from nuking each other a few times right

right they started coming here in terms of you look at the historical uh ufo sightings they all really ramped up after the the nuclear tests of the 1940s that's when everything really started taking place after hiroshima hiroshima and 1940s that's when everything really started taking place after Hiroshima Hiroshima and Nagasaki that's when all the sightings started ramping up in a big way was that because we had the technology to capture it or no I think we started nuking each other and they're like yo what the fuck let's go visit right like accounts of you know an ancient Greek saying like oh and by way, there was this fucking thing flying around.

So maybe you're right. There is, though. Really? There is, yeah. That's what's really weird. So they were checking them out, too? Thousands and thousands of years ago. Probably laughing at them like fucking togas.

Come on, guys. If you go to the ancient Hindus, some of the ancient works of a lot of different civilizations, Vimanas and all these different flying crafts and, and these discussions in the Bible, Ezekiel saw a wheel within a wheel. There's all this discussions of things that could easily be interpreted as something from another planet or some visitors. Right. And then the,

the headstone, how did that happen? Right? What's the headstone? I'm saying it wrong. This is good scotch. This is really nice. What is it? I'm saying it wrong. This is good scotch. This is really nice. What is it?

Have more. Get in there. This is sweet. What is that? Whitmire's? What is it called? What does it say on the bottle? Whitmire's Texas Single Barrel.

Who gave us that? Do you remember that bottle, Jamie? Who did that come from? No. All right. Whoever it is, thanks. Yeah, it's great. We have enough booze to kill everyone in this room.

That's a lot of booze. You keep getting it. Do you know what I'm talking about? The Stonehenge where they- Stonehenge? Where the rocks are on each other. Yeah, Stonehenge. Stonehenge.

What did I call it? Hedgestone. What can you do? Well, Stonehenge is, I think they've decided that that was some sort of a calendar. I think that is the interpretation of Stonehenge they think it was it was is isn't that is that correct or maybe I don't know a whole lot about Stonehenge because I spent so much time thinking about the pyramids and the Mayan ruins and the way they aligned

with the cosmos I didn't pay too much attention to Stonehenge that is kind of crazy that all over the world at the same time they were building those same type of structures. That's kind of wild. Yeah, it's pretty wild. It's kind of wild. Well, one of the things that Bob Lazar, he's the guy that supposedly worked at Area S4,

and that's what this is. I can't believe I'm wearing this. But this is Bob Lazar's sketch when he was describing what it looked like that he worked on. Wow. This is, Bob gave me this. This is his signature down here. This is, or actually Jeremy gave me this.

This is his depiction of this, the vehicles that he was hired in the late 80s, early 90s to back engineer. Wow. Yeah, that's what that is. That's definitely what they say they look like right there yeah he said that one of the things that they read when they were uh going over the the the people that had hired him had given him a breakdown of where these vehicles came from and what they were and one of the things that he read was that they were saying in this literature that they had handled out to all the employees at s4 at least the ones that needed to know was that they were saying in this literature that they had handled out to all the employees at S4, at least the ones that needed to know, was that we are the product of accelerated evolution.

Is that aliens had come down here and taken the lower primates and genetically manipulated them and created the earliest versions of human beings. It sounds ridiculous until you realize that the biggest mystery in all of the fossil record is the doubling of the human brain size. Human beings over the period of, I think it was like two million years, their brain doubled. It grew. And they don't understand why. And they don't know why we are so different than any other primate. We wear clothes.

We think. We talk. We have complex language. We manipulate our environment. There's a lot of theories as to why we did it. But the most outlandish theory is that we were manipulated. Wow. That's interesting.

I have a friend, Paul Verzi. He's a comedian. I know Paul Verzi. You know Paul? Yeah. I know who he is. Yeah, yeah. I've never met him.

He's like my best friend. Yeah, he's great. He's the best dude in the world. Hilarious. And he told me his dad's like a real italian guy from the bronx like one of you like one of those guys who's like you know he's italian like he's like you know he'll be like you know these rappers but you know i gotta admit they know their jewelry you know he's one of those he actually said that to him he's like but they know

their jewelry but he says and his too, because I asked his mom. And so they both, his mom, his dad, and his, I think his grandparent. I can't remember which one. They were all in Yonkers, Westchester. And they were on the porch. And they saw a UFO. And he says, this is how I believe him. Because he told Paul, he was like, I wish I didn't see it.

Because he's one of those guys that doesn't believe in that. And his mom, I think, is kind of religious, too, and she admitted she saw it. They said it came down, like, close, and then it was like a dot in the sky. It just disappeared and was like, yeah. Which is funny, like an Italian guy seeing a UFO, because they're all about getting people out of their neighborhood. So he'd be like, fuck, get the fuck out of my neighborhood. The fuck out of my neighborhood so he'd be like fuck get the fuck out of my neighborhood the fuck out it's my neighborhood it takes off shooting at it get the fuck out of here it's my neighborhood i had a guy on the podcast his name is uh commander david fravor and uh he was a fighter

jet pilot and he he scrambled to to encounter one of them off the san diego coast and it's a famous story it's uh this this vehicle that was captured. It was captured on radar. It was captured on their, not his vehicle, but another vehicle got a video of this thing. It went from more than 60,000 feet above sea level to one foot in less than a second. I mean, if a guy like that is saying that that happened like it happened and then there's that not only is he saying it happened but he said that it jammed their radar damn which is a technically an act of war so it's like this was

an intelligent thing so at this point like there we know that there are aliens like they then they've been here and that's a tricky statement yeah i don't know i love to believe that i that it's real are you scared at all like no their power or i'm scared of liberals yeah it's a comic that's our that's what we're scared of i'm scared of woke people that just want to fucking ban parlor and burn it all down and enforce their ideology because they got a lot of power right now yeah i'm scared of people that think they're right. I'm scared of people that want to stifle free speech. I'm scared of people that want to stop debate and enforce their opinions. I'm scared of that.

I'm not scared of aliens. I'm scared of the other extreme, too, where all the facts could be there and they're still like you know the election is stolen like i'm scared of that kind of yeah i'm scared of that too it's become kind of faith-based it's a little religious a little weird like they're kind of it's zealotry at this point oh sorry and um where they just kind of uh you could say anything you could put any evidence in front of them and the woke people are like that too it's kind of two sides of the same coin it's like the farther in any direction you go,

you kind of come back around to the other side. They don't know how much they have in common, those two. And unfortunately to me, it seems like they are dictating the cultural conversation now for some reason. And all the politicians are pandering to that extreme base for some reason. And maybe it's because they're loud.

Maybe because also politicians are falling victim to thinking that Twitter is the real world when it's not dude and we know more than anyone comedians know when you do a live performance yeah there's rarely any of that shit yeah people love it whatever you say live and that's the real pulse of america it's not that fucking bullshit where people are hiding behind fucking avatars and arguing with russian bots i mean this is fucking russia and China to me. This is the way they've been fucking with us. I think they infiltrated education a long time ago, started like giving perks to professors

and liberal arts and started like slowly pushing this kind of anti-American, we're always the bad guy kind of, you know, mantra, this kind of like narrative that like and it's become now it's kind of culminated now in this sort of like hasty generalization like these groups of people are bad and bad good white black you're like dude that is not the way it works right i know it's easy to you got an a by quote like you know going like this is bad this is good but because it's the lazy way to do it because everyone's fucking lazy now but if you look at history there's a lot of uncomfortable truths that always fuck up that argument because human nature doesn't change and people aren't as racist as you think we're fucking shitty i mean nobody's killed more white people than white people nobody's

killed more black we kill whatever's closest you know and slavery is horrible and american slavery is probably the most brutal because you mix modernity with fucking slavery. But slavery is the oldest thing in the—I mean, the ancient Greeks were enslaving other ancient Greek tribes. Tribes were—and Native Americans were enslaving other Native Americans. Like, we are shitty, and that's why we need aliens. Please, come. But we're shitty.

You know what's the darkest truth? There's more slavery today than there was before slavery in the United States was abolished. They built Dubai. Slaves built Dubai. They call it something else. They take away your passport. Yeah. They keep you there.

Saudi Arabia, they still had slavery until like 1960s they had still had slavery. Well, have you seen Libya? They had slave auctions and you could watch it on YouTube. You know, when Libya, when they killed Gaddafi, and everybody thought that was a great thing, Libya became a failed state. And one of the things that came along with Libya being a failed state is they started having open slave auctions.

You could literally watch. See if you can find that, Jamie. Thanks, Hillary Clinton, for that one. Well, she thought it was a funny thing to talk about. You ever see that interview? She goes, we came, we saw, he died. And then she laughed, yeah. Anytime a person is laughing because a human being was murdered,

and not just murdered, but murdered with a fucking knife up his asshole. You ever see that, when that guy shoves that knife up his ass? When Gaddafi's sitting there and he's in shock, and he's surrounded by all those rebels, and they're screaming and yelling, and one guy takes a knife and shoves it up his ass i haven't seen it he's so in shock he barely recognizes a knife is up his asshole wow i i felt like you know how they have that flag in iwo jima where those guys are planting the flag yeah that dude they will they will they will have a statue of him shoving that knife up kaddafi's ass like yes that's our Iwo Jima yeah I haven't

seen that I think it all it it all comes out look it's been thousands of years of human civilization to get us to the point where we can discuss things freely on a podcast I have hope I really believe that all this conflict that we have is something that we have to overcome. And I think ultimately that's good. I don't think it's good to have no conflict. I think the conflict, it makes us get our arguments more solid. It makes us get our rhetoric more reasonable and logical. I think it's good for us. I think it takes time to work this shit through. We're all in a panic right now. Oh my God, they got rid of Parler. You know, we're worried about this. But I think ultimately, human beings are thinking creatures who when confronted with the evidence,

there's going to be a number of people, whether it's the more people or the majority of people or just a strong percentage that recognize the pitfalls of this particular ideology and the way we're looking at things, we're going to see things for what they really are, and we're going to get through this on the other side. I don't think it's going to be perfect, but I think we're going to move to a better place. And I think history has proven that over time, there's been tragedies, and there's been corrections, and there's been good things and bad things. But over time, we generally move to a better place and a more friendly and equal place.

And that's what I think. Yeah, I look back at history. I see these sort of cycles of errors of reason and then faith. Errors of reason and faith. Like the faith, you know, dark ages, then the enlightenment. Then, you know, it goes dark again like you know the arab world was flourishing that created you know algebra was named after al-jabbar and they kind of and then uh you know islam came and kind of went to an era of faith and it kind of slowed things well islam originally was the they were the fucking scientists

man i mean they were they if you look at the early Islamic world, they were the ones that were the most advanced at one point in history. They were the ones that were pushing mathematics and science and reason and logic. It comes in cycles, man. It comes in cycles of suppression and dominance. The real concern is unstoppable dictatorships like China and Russia when there's no dissent and no discussion. And this is what we have to realize. One of the things that makes America unique and powerful is that we get to talk about things and we get to disagree. Now, I completely agree. When something happens like the storming of the Capitol, when that shit happens on Capitol Hill, like that needs to be stopped.

And we need to educate people as to why that's awful, why that's terrible, and why a person like Donald Trump that calls for something like that, that person needs to be maligned. That person needs to be shot down. Not shot, but shot down. Those ideas need to be rejected.

And what's important is discussion and logical discourse. And if your argument is sound, argue that. Discuss it. The real answer for wrong speech is better speech. There's no argument. You can't argue that. That's just what it is. It is.

And that's the only way we'll get better is if there's champions of that. You saying that, that just what it is it is and that that's that's the only way we'll get better is if like there's champions of that like you saying that like that's what it's got to be that's how reason will survive is people seeking for what's the most reasonable what's the most cogent argument what makes the most sense etc and what most people i think are trying to get there they're just trying to get there within their ideology. Whether it's someone like AOC or whether it's someone on the right, like they're trying to get there within their ideology. They're trying to get to a better place. When someone like AOC is advocating for Medicare for all or all these other things that I agree with, they're doing that because they want to get to a better place. And then they're fighting against people on the right. And so they

sure up their arguments, and they get more aggressive, and they want to silence those people and shut those people down. But ultimately, the reason why they want to do it, the reason why it's all taking place, is because they want the world to be better. There's very few people that are in government

that don't want the world to be a better place. The problem when someone like Donald Trump comes along is that when you look at someone who whether you think he's a sociopath or we think he's an egomaniac he wants what's best for himself we what we really need is leaders who want what's best for the world and for future generations yeah and i don't necessarily see that on the horizon in terms of a clear example, like someone who's in power right now that wants what's best for the world. I used to think that about Barack Obama, and I kind of still do,

but I think he was arguing for it in this really convoluted, bizarre world of influence and power and bankers and special interest groups. And it's probably insane. It's so difficult to navigate. Yeah. But I don't think Obama was a despot. I don't think he was a dictator. And I think also he was a statesman. I get a lot of shit from

people that are like on the right that that don't that they don't like my love of obama but when that guy was a president i felt like we were okay yeah because i felt like he was smarter than me right i would hear him talk i'd be like he's got it right he's talking to those fucking military guys those congressmen he's got it right and he always stayed calm he never lost his cool and that's what you want from your top guy is a guy who's always in control, saying the right thing. Yes. And then going and bombing the shit out of people.

But what I like about Trump is Trump gave support to the military in a way that Obama didn't. Where Trump, they squashed ISIS within one year because of Trump. And my friends, the friends that i have that are in the special forces and kennedy yeah i heard that yeah they they say look the world changed because of the decisions that trump made and trump's trump's his mandate when he got into office was to let the military stop these problems before they become a real issue for america yeah and a lot of those things uh are the reason i think he got elected because he was saying

things. He just was saying them wrong. Yeah. Like he was just saying them like a comic would say them, like with no filter. And like when you're a statesman, you got to say shit the right way, very tempered. And like you said, you have to appeal. That's not easy to be able to appeal to everyone and stay neutral in your rhetoric because that's important. I i mean you're a public

figure and the whole world is hanging on every word you're saying so that's what obama was really good at yes every speech he gave was just like you were looking for something was like fuck this guy he was so measured yeah and he was such a statesman in my opinion he's the greatest president ever in terms of the way he would talk and hold himself. I always felt like that guy was a great example of what's possible. You get a guy who comes from a single mother. He's not privileged when he's growing up. Interracial family, poor, living in Hawaii, and rises to this position and becomes a president.

Yeah. Humans are—he was great this position, becomes the president. Yeah. Humans are – he was great, man, in that way. And humans just go too far. We have this greedy personality. Because a lot of the woke stuff, a lot of the ideas are great. They just keep pushing more, more, more. But the woke thing is they want the world to be better. Yeah.

That's what I like about them. It's then they keep going where it's like we're at this point like i think the majority of people love trans people are totally okay with it and it's like trans people the most beautiful thing and it's a great thing it's a third gender and it's great and they're obviously their brains are a little you know like they they feel like females and that's great science science or they feel like males and that's great. Science, science. Or they feel like males. Or they feel like males. Yeah. And science can facilitate now a change and that's great. But it's funny that now people are using science to make arguments against science, which is what I find fascinating on the right and left. So left will go like gender doesn't exist. And that's because science has facilitated that you can kind of change your gender so it's like you're arguing against science which says biological sex

exists let's be honest i had an argument with a professor about that once where he was like biological sex is not real okay if you buy a puppy yeah and the puppy's a girl but you wanted a boy and they go well biological sex doesn't exist. What do you do? Do you get your money back? Just accept the fact. Yeah, I mean. The fuck? She identifies as a boy. It's like obviously charged with ideology when you hear that stuff.

And there's exceptions, right? Where certain people have certain levels of testosterone or estrogen. I mean, there's exceptions, but we can't change the rule for the exception. So they're using science to argue against science. And the same on the right, where they're going like, hey, climate change isn't real the climate always cycles and i'm going like where

do you know that from is it because science told you that there's been different cycles of climate so i had an argument with a guy in a jujitsu class about that he's like it's always been a cycle i go dude you're 25 yeah the fuck do you know and how do you know you're not even a scientist yeah did you stick shit in the ground and fucking how did you figure out about the core samples yeah you know that because science told us you go into antarctica and fucking going a mile deep into the surface of the ice yeah fuck out of here bitch and it's like how can you support trans like now they want to go like trans women are women you're going like okay i'll call you a woman that's fine but like you're redefining what obviously is something that you're not saying it's like i when i went and saw my wife give birth i was like okay dudes can't do that i was like come on man i was like look i'll call if i'll i'll give it to you if if trans women want to be

called women let's call them women but then let's start calling women who can give birth mortal gods. Because that's some different shit right there I just witnessed. Yeah. I mean, I just saw a baby come out of a hole in her body. That's so true. That's the wildest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. And then if you ask the hospital, where are the trans women? And they're like, we don't have it.

You're like, well, then you're fucking discriminating against trans women yeah for not allowing them to give birth i mean like what are we doing what are we doing here i didn't even think that i would ever get involved in a trans argument until there was a person that was fighting against women and not telling everybody that she was a man for 30 years and was a woman for two and then started fighting women without telling everybody that she used to be a man yeah and they were like she's always been a woman i'm like stop we're talking crazy right it's crazy i know what you want to do you want to make the world a better place but you can't like brock lesnar puts a dress on so it's beating the fuck out of chicks you got to say that's wrong yeah

and you see with like there's a there's a couple of athletes now who have just dominated in their sport dude after doing late transitions bone structure is a crazy thing well they just did a study and then they said that yeah there is a difference and yeah if you see all the comments are going no shit most people look most people had my back but it was a loud number of people there was a lot of trans people that thought that under that i was transphobic i'm not transphobic at all i just don't think that it's right if you compete against females without at least telling them that you used to be a man it's not a fucking complicated thing you're biologically male and this comes from someone who's biologically male

there's there's advantages and how come we don't hear this argument a lot from trans men it doesn't seem to doesn't exist it doesn't really exist trans men aren't going like let me get in there and play basketball with uh you know lebron james well in sports i it's an issue but in fighting it's the greatest issue because again when i talked about it's high level problem solving-solving with dire physical consequences. If you found a woman who'd been taking steroids for 30 years and stopped for two years and started fighting other women, you'd be like, hey, she's cheated. She has an advantage. But all of a sudden, if it's a trans woman, you're like, no, there's no advantage.

She's always been a woman. I know what men are built like. They're different. Their fists are larger. Their shoulders are long like. They're different. Their fists are larger. Their shoulders are long. The width is different. The hips are shaped different. The mind is different. Reaction time is different.

This is all science. And when real endocrinologists that aren't gender reassignment surgeons who really discuss this, they'll be honest with you. Especially if they don't have to suffer social consequences of it they'll tell you like there's a difference yeah but nowadays it's like yeah it seems like everyone's that has is at least a threat that you're going to suffer some sort of social consequences if you say something that a twitter mob can kind of just hop on you about and just call you a name without discussion and saying he's transphobic. It's just like... But again, even a person who's been attacked,

I can tell you that I think that they're doing it for the right reasons. They think that they're making the world a better place. I appreciate it. I really do. I get it. Even a person who's suffered a lot of articles that have misrepresented my positions and taken

what I've said out of context i get it yeah you you want the world to be more inclusive and and more appreciative of people that that come from a different place yeah i think it's actually kind of like it's a would be a beautiful thing to say trans women are trans women that's great and trans women are beautiful that's a different thing and that that's great. And let's celebrate that. That's amazing. Why do we have to call it? Why does it have to creep into a category of someone who didn't have to take estrogen shots and was born in a gender that they didn't feel?

Why can't they be two beautiful things? Well, that's a weird thing. Why? Well, people say like, oh, this is a woman. This is absolutely a woman. Well, why is she taking estrogen? Why does she have to do that if she's a woman? Why does she have to go through surgery?

They shut you down and call you a TERF. Fuck it. Well, that's the weird thing about women that argue against it. They get attacked. It's like, oh my God, you're attacking biological women for thinking that biological women should be able to compete against only biological women. J.K. Rowling. I mean, her statement couldn't have been more reasonable and supportive. Martina Navratilova.

Martina Navratilova. I mean, she is a fucking icon of the LBG without the T. It's when the T's got involved. Yeah, before. Yeah, David Chappelle joke. Yeah. Well, ironically enough, an Owen Benjamin joke as well. Oh, was it really? Yeah.

He had a bit about it too. I don't know who saw who first or if they thought about it together. But it's like this world of LBGT. That's a problem too. It's like you're throwing everybody together. I get it because you want support. You want support from everybody who's in this maligned community, this marginalized community. But they're different things.

Like, lesbians are different than gay people. Gay people are the first to tell you that they don't have anything in common with lesbians. My gay friends will tell you, like, listen, man, I have very few lesbian friends. Lesbians don't like gays some of them do it's a bad statement but they look at gays like fucking Peter Pan you're out there butt fucking and partying

and doing ecstasy and you know lesbians for the most part they're different there's no lesbian communities gay people have whole neighborhoods like West Hollywood they take over giant fucking swaths of land. You go to Boys Town. I have

a bit about Boys Town because it's right down the street from the Comedy Store. You hook a ride on Santa Monica and it is a fucking different world for five blocks. It's five blocks of no one saying no. It's just fucking partying.

No one can get pregnant and everyone's on speed. The one lesbian in the neighborhood just puts her head out the window. You guys keep it down. Jesus, we're trying to. It's so different. It's men. Men who fuck men. It's a whole different world than the lesbian world.

I'm like, lesbians don't develop neighborhoods because straight men find out about them i'm an ally and they move next door and they fuck up your neighborhood you don't have a chance my brother's gay and he's uh he's older he's like 60 you know uh you know big gap in our age and uh he says it's over correction he said like he's saying what we're saying like it's a great thing it's based on great principles but it's just like that human need to like we have this thing in us where we don't you know it's like they used to say um an old expression i think from rome is like you know when the war is over you put down your sword and pick up your plow it's like humans have a real hard time being like okay we won let's put the sword down and pick up the plow it's like there's when you're an activist or

a warrior there's that thing and're an activist or a warrior, there's that thing and you were just like, let me keep, what's the next? Keep going, get to the ocean. Yeah, it's like the war's over, dude. The war's over, you got it. The majority of the people were all for it. And they're like, nah, nah, let's find another fucking. Well, part of the problem is that is that there's so much communication going on.

There's so many people expressing ideas. Like there's someone out there disagrees so you're gonna find disagreement you're gonna you want to squash that too yeah you want to keep that fucking battle going yeah it never ends never ends it never but i think ultimately the the mass of these people whether they're on the left or the right they're trying and i get accused of being on the right when i'm on the left yeah because i look like i'm on the right yeah i do i fucking i look like an asshole i look like a trump supporter i've said a lot of stupid shit if you take it out of context you'll assume i'm on the well you're a perfect example how people just kind of reject nuance because the nature of it is a

little boring the truth is a little boring like you've actually said hey i'm voting for bernie i like bernie i like medicare for all those are as they were like he said something bad in the 90s but he also said that so fucking let's give him it's like fucking inglorious bastards they want to put a nazi sign on you and carve it in you and like i don't know how this happened where the extremes kind of hijacked the conversation, but it's really wild, man.

Well, the discourse spread. It became much wider. There's so many more people that can chime in. And everybody wants... Like what I was saying about podcasts, that people hear us talking, they're like,

I got something to say too. Well, there's so many people that have something to say and can talk. And then other people hear us talking like i got something to say too yeah well there's so many people that have something to say and can talk and then other people hear it and they want to respond to it the same way you pulled over the side of the highway to argue with that dude on twitter it's the same shit yeah but that's what's going on yeah i think we're gonna get through it i really do i i i mean and i i understand that i'm in a very bizarre position where my voice is broadcast to more people than the average person. So I feel like it's even more imperative that I stay positive. And I really do believe that we're going to be okay.

You handle it well, man. I could never, like, I don't think a lot of people couldn't. I have brain damage. I've been hit in the head thousands of times. I think has something to do with it that's the silver lining yeah that's the silver lining it's like you trend all the time and people say all types of shit articles and like you just come in like hey man who's the next guy all right let's do let's do fucking whoever yeah but who you want i know i know who i am and i I know I'm a nice person. And everybody who knows me knows I'm a nice person. And I think most of the people who listen to me know that even if I say something that's offensive or wrong, I'm trying to be nice.

And that's all I think about. I know I have a weird responsibility that I didn't ask for. I didn't set this up to try to take over discourse. I didn't. I set it up to talk shit with my friends. I set it up in 1999 with my friend Brian Redband, or whatever it was, 2009 with my friend Brian Redband. We were just talking shit and smoking pot

and answering questions on Twitter. I never thought it would have billions of downloads. I literally never thought that. And along the way, I've had to adjust. I've had to realize, okay, okay, okay. this is a weird responsibility that i didn't ask for yeah but i get why they're mad i get i get the attacks i get it i get it i think you know it's one of those things when uh people look back in history like the cultural force that this has become i think as a comic i i my opinion is it seems like

a lot of why you've handled so well is because you're a comic. Yes. It's like comics have, there's like famous and then there's comic famous. Whereas like you can go see like you're going to be tonight

performing at a bar live. It's like we need as comics, we always need to sort of be the perennial underdog or else we lose material. There's something about us that always seeks humility. And it's kind of for a selfish reason because you're like you have to continue to be a comic

sort of a person of the people because you if you get too big it becomes like that steve martin thing where he's like i can't do this anymore yes the steve martin thing i mean what are you gonna do be like go up there and be like hey my private plane didn't work today you know and people are going like fuck this guy i was at the comedy store once and Tim Allen went on stage and he was talking about his Ferrari breaking. You're like, yeah. Yeah, it's like people are going to go. It's like, oh, the dashboard fell out.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I wanted to grab him. I'm like, Tim, talk to me. Yeah. You need to smoke pot and you need to be around other comics. You're in this position where you're too famous. And everybody around you, they need you to pay their bills. They're not being honest.

You need to work out. You need to do something. You need to do something really hard, really difficult, where it tests your mettle. It keeps you humble. Yes, you need to be humble. Yeah, you need to get strangled. Go to a jiu-jitsu gym gym and get get strangled yeah go to kickboxing get your leg kicked can i ask you a question is the the optimism

that you feel do you think that's in any way tied to having children because i know i've had like sort of a paradigm shift and it's something that burr rides me about like i mean he came on our podcast and just chewed me the fuck out for like an hour about how negative I am and fucking, you know, fucking I used to be like you and it leads down a fucking bad road. And, you know, he was just chewing me out. And, you know, after my experience with COVID and like, you know, I got weird and started crying.

I called him and I was like, you're right, Bill. You're right. You're fucking right. I was crying. You thought you were going to die. Yeah, I was like, you're right, Bill. I'm negative. I got to change. And now that was like, you're right, Bill. I'm negative. I got to change.

And now that I have a newborn, it's like I've experienced this kind of rebirth of hope. And it may be selfish because of her. Like, I want the world. I don't want the world. And I don't want civilization. And I don't want America to die and the ideals that built America to die. I want it to succeed. I want it to continue.

I want the beautiful precepts that this country was built on to survive. I want us to rise above this challenge for her. And it may be selfish, but it's like that's what's happened. I don't think it's selfish. I think it's hopeful. And it may be selfish, but it's like, that's what's happened. I don't think it's selfish. I think it's hopeful.

You know? When I had kids, one of the things that happened as I got older and I started raising children is I started looking at people, instead of looking at them as like oh this guy is a 35 year old man this is who he is i started thinking oh he used to be a baby wow interesting i changed everything it changed everything i started looking at at people like oh that's a baby that got bad information and and mean people and no love and no support no no comfort and and they became angry and they became resentful and everybody man you know i was watching a document not a documentary a series of interviews on uh the ice man richard kirk clinton oh yeah those are the best dude i if you look at my fucking you. You've made me mad now. You've made me mad. Yes.

What's that? So scary. Yeah, I just feel like I'm mad now. Yeah. And he says it like very calm. About how he fed people to rats. I would tie them up. Yeah.

And I would put a camera on them. And I like George. And I like them. And that's what I did to the guy I liked. Yeah. George, he was a good guy. He was a guy who was a baby who was raised by a psychopath and a mother who was distant and probably just dealing with the fact that she was married to a psychopath and he became

a monster. And I started looking at people like babies. That happened when I became a father. And it happened slowly, man. I'm ashamed to admit. It took a while for me to really like... Because you try to protect your initial ideas and who you initially were. You want to defend your anger and defend your stances or your behavior or your positions. But it took me a while to realize that what I was recognizing was that who I am, who you are, who everybody is, is a direct result

of the environment that you evolved and grew up in, the people that you encountered, the love that you received or the love you didn't receive, the hate that you received or the hate you didn't receive, the most spoiled people are the people that have the easiest. You know, the most interesting people, that's one of the hardest things about being a parent is that my favorite people, whether it's Joey Diaz or Ari Shafir, all the weirdos that I know, like their fucking life was hard. And I don't want my my kids life to be hard i want my kids life to be filled with love but my favorite people all grew up fucked up all of them

all of them all my favorite people grew up in the most tortured and and and and and and confusing environments and they have they figured their way through the maze and they oh and they popped out to the surface of the water and they got some air that's all my favorite people is there a healthy way to reconcile that with your daughter like you know because you're saying you want her to have all the things that you know i tell the people do you like how do you reconcile like hey i'm gonna give you love but you also got to go through some shit to have some character. I had a little situation with my 12-year-old the other day where she was really upset. It was over her mom taking her phone away. It was like nonsense, right?

But I was like, it's so hard for you to recognize that your life is easy. And we were having this conversation where I was talking about the shit that I went through as a kid. And some of the things that I went to where a guy tried to rape me when I was 13 and I was explaining this to her. I go, one of the reasons why I don't want you just like running out in the world is because you don't know that the world is filled with people who are mistreated and want to mistreat others and that there's bad people.

And I don't know how much to expose you to. But I want you to know that everything I do, whether it seems like it's ruining my life, I want you to know that all these decisions are made because I love you. I don't want you to have struggle. But I also recognize that struggle is imperative for growth. And I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know the right way to approach this other than

communication other than expression I want to express to you how what I've experienced and what I want to protect you from it's hard yeah and the people that I run into like whoever I have a real thing man it's a real thing where everybody I meet I think of as a baby. Everybody. You, Jamie. I think of Jamie as a baby all the time. Young Jamie.

I think of what was Jamie like when he was a baby. How did Jamie get to be who he is now? I think of who everybody – it's a weird thing, man. And when I became a father and as I evolved as a father and as i corrected myself and dealt with my own shortcomings it's like i started thinking of people as you know you want to just get mad at someone for who they are this is the way i think about liberals the way i think about right-wing people and all the that fucking idiot that looks like a chimp that was sitting on Nancy Pelosi's desk. That poor bastard used to be a baby, you know? And someone or something or a series of things happened

that were wrong, and he didn't get hugged enough or he didn't get educated enough or he didn't get enough acceptance or enough... Whatever it is, man, whatever it is, whatever positive feedback he didn't get, and it led to him sitting with his fucking stupid boots on Nancy Pelosi's desk thinking he's winning. Right.

He's not. No, he's doing the opposite of that. And he's going to suffer, man. He's on camera committing a crime. And he's going to be in jail for a long fucking time, and we're all going to benefit from it, unfortunately. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. I mean mean that's a very enlightened evolved way to look at people because we are uh and that's kind of the problem in the world is everyone wants to think they're a finished product and that their opinion everyone's scared to evolve or admit they were wrong is a big problem right now they they feel everyone's defensive and everyone's either right or wrong. It's very white or black. And there's a lack of humility that maybe you think are you think sort of the level of comfort we've achieved is sort of to blame a little bit like we this is unprecedented. I mean, unprecedented in human history.

You know, when the tech revolution hit on top of the industrial revolution uh and then the advances in medicine and stuff like we are so used to a level of comfort from air conditioning to all the way to echo chambers to feel comfortable detached from nature detached from reality that any little threat to that comfort which like said, leads to growth and is necessary, seems almost like a threat and something that's going to be the opposite of what it is. Because like you said, those negative things are what make you grow. If you don't have any challenges or any brushes with reality, you don't evolve. If you don't hear another person's position or perspective, you don't evolve. If you don't put yourself in someone else's shoes, you don't evolve if you don't see so if you don't put yourself in

someone else's shoes you don't evolve it's like everyone is kind of just really really bunkered down into their team right now and they don't want to see anyone else's perspective they just want to demean them and say they're wrong yes these are nazis everyone who voted for trump is a white supremacist that type of thing and then on the flip side everyone over there is a cock liberal fucking you know and it's like dude we're all just people like and like you said if you grew up in san francisco you would be fucking drinking kim cha as well or whatever it's called that tea the probiotic tea kim chu or kim cha kombucha yeah kombucha you know i did live in san San Francisco when I was little.

Yeah. That was one of the things that helped me. Did they put kimchi in your bottle? No, there was no kimchi back then. When I was seven, I lived in San Francisco, seven to 11. I went from Jersey to San Francisco. My next door neighbors were this gay couple. My aunt used to get naked and smoke pot and play bongos with them.

I remember that when I was a little kid. I thought it was normal. Yeah. Well, I mean, San Fran, it kind of is. it and smoke pot and play bongos with them i remember that when i was a little kid i thought it was normal yeah well i mean san fran it kind of is yeah it was during the vietnam war it was a wild place yeah nobody wants to look at another perspective i have a good friend who's very successful and uh you know the descendant of immigrants not to give too much away and it's like you know multi-millionaire now and then like started talking about like white people like we're horrible and i just fucking i was like how much you're a million your first generation famous multi-millionaire how much quicker did you want

this shit to happen it's like you're fucking famous and richer than 99 of the white men that they don't want to be attacked. It's one of the reasons why they say some of the things they say. It's like they think they're doing the right thing, but also they don't want to be attacked. You're standing on the stage of the Grammys accepting an award where they're saying you're great. Your parents fucking swam here. How much quicker? Did you want them to give you this Grammy when you were three?

Well, there's also the lack of these kind of conversations. You know, one of the things that's happening with social media is we're getting, with Alan Levinowitz called, he's a former guest of the podcast who I think is very brilliant. He discussed social media interaction as processed information. The same way processed food is bad for you, processed information and processed discourse is bad for you. Wow.

I think he's, right? Dead on. Dead on. Dead on. When he said that, I remember I reached out to him after he wrote that. I'm like, come on here, let's talk. Wow.

And because of that, I feel like that's what's going on with us. If you had a disagreement with someone and you had this three and a half hour conversation with them, when you got to hash this out and talk through it, you probably realize, oh, this person's a good person. They just want the world to be a better place. They're just coming from a different world. I want to know what world you're coming from or what part of the world. And I want to know what your perspective is.

And I want to understand it. And then if I understand it, and things I disagree with, let me tell you why I disagree with it. Let me tell you what I agree with. I see where you're coming from and talk it through. But we're not doing that we're doing that in these like 240 character chunks and then you're pulling over the side of the road to argue with these 240 character chunks and it's just a bad way it's a really shitty like a like a marginal like it's a it's it's a very like watered down way of communicating do you think people have it in them, though? Or are you coming from a perspective where you're projecting on other people what you yourself have?

Because I'm a comedian. I know that everyone knows it now. But it's like you can either, like in my opinion, you can either act in the principle of interest or in the interest of principle. act in the principle of interest or in the interest of principle. And you seemed to always, going back in comedy, you defended comics when it wasn't in your interest and you suffered for it. I didn't. Well, you got banned from the club and, I mean, yeah.

It all worked out. Yeah, it did all work out. But at the time, I mean, did you look that far at the time, or was it just something instinctual? I got brain damage. That's the key. It helped me. I don't think about things as much as the average person.

I really think that's part of what's going on. I think one of the reasons why I've been put in this weird, unique position, if I had to look at it in terms of the the greater plan of the universe yeah thank you i'd be like let's take this fucking dude has been hitting ahead a bunch of times doesn't worry too much about shit and also i've experienced a lot of dangerous like legitimately dangerous things i uh it's it's uh it's my position to to talk in uh uh you know i i i get it i know that i'm in uh this weird spot i know this weird spot's not normal do people have that in them though to put self-interest aside and sort of act in the interest of principle to do we all have that in us like where does that courage come

from it's possible is it just getting hit in the head because i'll take a few blows to be a better person it's possible i'm joking around about the brain damage but i think part of the reason why um i can do it is because i've gone through weird circumstances in life and and also empathy i think empathy is something we can never lose it's one of the most important things for understanding each other like the like the what i said about the way i look at people they used to be babies i look at them that way because of empathy i don't want to look at them and fuck that guy and it's easy to say fuck that guy or fuck her or fuck fuck that group of people i don't do it i don't do it even if they attack me and one of the reasons why i do is because I think that empathy is one of the most important principles that reasonable people can embrace.

That's not really sewn into the fabric of America, unfortunately. We're kind of more of a rugged individual. I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps. I fucking jumped out of the vagina on my own. No help. Game. I started a business. I don't need no government teat.

Yeah, but that's scared America. Yeah. That's bitch-ass America. You know, I mean, I think the people that are in a position of power, the people that do have the resources and do have the influence, it's your obligation to be empathetic. It's part of what comes with the program. This is what comes with the position.

What comes with the position of being, whether it's the number one podcaster or the president or anything, you have to be empathetic. And when you're not, we're furious at you because you're not elevating the culture. You're not elevating the people. You're not looking at things from this incredibly privileged stance. You're not acknowledging the fact that you're in a unique position. You're being selfish. You just want to win.

You want tiger blood. You want hashtag winning. That was a great moment. I mean, yeah. It was great in recognizing that you can you can own up to your bullshit

yeah and people will like you winning hashtag winning yeah I mean so he's still kicking right like no big deal

no he's in trouble now no we played a fucking cameo clip of him the other day it's horrible man he's falling apart yeah he's all yeah it's not good would you take 97 like boring years or however many charlie sheen i'll take 30

good ones yeah charlie sheen had a good i don't know if he had a good one yeah i don't i think the charlie sheen thing is peripheral like when you're looking at from the outside yeah it looks good but i think that guy's like filled with sadness yeah i mean i think that's what people because of uh the american dream somehow we shit on regular people when you don't understand that like famous people and shit like that they just do normal shit every day they like if prince is taking pills and like oh it's not it's not great i don't like the way we don't look at nurses and teachers. And those are the real heroes. Like, you know, my dad and my mom and my brother's brain injured.

I've spent so much time with people who work with brain injured people and people who deal with sick people. And I did social work for, you know, five years. And it's like, those are the people that keep this fucking train moving. And because they're not like they don't have a tiktok account or they're not in some fucking dumb show they're overlooked that i'm not just saying that it's like it's the truth it's the truth it's the truth they that's a real job here cheers to that cheers to that cheers to them and if you go through stuff you realize like oh you're doing a real job you're saving people you're helping people you're doing what you're

saying not being selfish doing this selfless thing and like those are the people that keep this thing going and they're they're underappreciated they're underappreciated in the most massive of all ways and the the reason why we don't appreciate teachers or police officers or firemen is because we don't have to it's because they're just out there doing it. We take it for granted, and it's wrong. You know, it's wrong. And they're the foundation of our society. You know, so when you see, like, one bad cop, like in the George Floyd situation,

one bad cop becomes defund the police. Like, God damn it. Like, you can't defund the fucking police. Yeah. And you can't defund the teachers, and you can't defund the firemen, and you can't defund the teachers and you can't defund the firemen you can't defund the nurses you can't defund the the doctors we need everybody we need everybody together we need more discussions man you know and weirdly enough from you know um doing this

podcast as a joke you know just for for fun and goofs has become like a legitimate place to discuss real issues that resonate with millions of people yeah and i i i think it's all the all in a weird way it's all like it's like this is what was supposed to happen it's like it kind of kind of made itself it gave birth to you know, where there was an opening. And it realized that there's, like, things aren't really being discussed in a long form, really nuanced way. What is it in you, though? Because I know the whole vibe of the digital era has been like shorter, shorter, shorter, shorter, quicker, quicker, lower attention span.

You probably even got advice like, hey man, that's too long. But you just went, hey, let's go three hours. Let's go four. Ari Shafir. I mean, I need a bottle to piss in at this point. You can go piss. No, I'm fine.

Ari's one of my best friends, but he was always like, you got to stop. You got to shorten it. Edit it. You need to edit it. I still give him shit to this day it should be less than an hour i was like no he goes no one's gonna listen i go then don't listen so it was just something in you you were like this is what i want to do i had fear factor

money right that was part of it i was like i don't care what people listen to right you don't have to listen i i was happy if 200 people like the first broadcast me and red band did i think there was like 200 people listening i was like good 200 is perfect i don't care right i don't do it because i want a lot of people and that's the weirdest thing about it all that it's become the number one show in the world i didn't do it because i wanted it to become the number one show in the world i did it because because I just did it. I think this world needs more of this. Whether you agree with me or disagree, whether you fucking hate me or love me,

we need more people talking about shit. We need to figure it out. And that's one of the problems with banning Parler or Gab or Mines or any of these fucking places like we need more people talking about shit and if you think that people shouldn't be calling for the death of politicians i agree with you they shouldn't be but you should tell them that right but it's hard to do it digitally it's hard to do with typing and text and 140 characters or 240 or 280 whatever the fuck it is right it's not the way to do it.

Right. We need to do it by talking in person, person to person. Yeah. But it's the weirdest thing that, like, the best way to distribute it is have two people talking person to person and just broadcast it to everybody. Right. You don't have to cut to any commercial breaks or, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And the people are struggling to adapt this era is here it's here so it's like your podcast is sort of uh it's like uh the progenitor of this era it's like you can continue to you know to play that you know uh commercial break pithy hey public relations but this is here that shows what's behind what real people are like and what real conversation is like. And it's like it's a threat to that system because that system is from a different time before we had this technology. And now this technology is here.

It's not going anywhere. They're doing smoke signals. Yeah, man. They hate 4K, but they're doing smoke signals. I mean, it's just like people need to talk things through. And it's not that there's not a place for those other things, like late-night talk shows or any of those things. There's a place for them.

There's always a place for carpool karaoke, yeah. Somebody lip-syncs their song on the radio on a Kia. Yeah, but if you had that guy and he did a podcast, how would that go? It probably wouldn't go great. It's like a person who's really into fucking mall karate fighting in the UFC.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it appears to be real, but it's not. And people are starting to get tipped off to that because everything's been stripped away and people are seeing people for who they are in a format like this.

And it's, that's why when that whole debate thing came up, when, uh, I think it was Tim Kennedy that I listened to that episode. I happen to live. I love Tim Kennedy. I think he's,

I liked him as a fighter. I just like him. And I listened to an episode and I was like, fuck, I was like emotionally moved by that episode. And, uh, that call to be like, Hey, let's do this here.

In three, four hours, fucking let's get to know these people. That time is coming. You can't go. That's coming. Whether it happens here or somewhere else, it's like the people want to hear. If you're going to be president of the United States and if we continue to evolve and we go on that hope train, into the United States and if we continue to evolve and we go on that hope train,

it's like, you're going to want to know a presidential candidate who they are for three, four hours in a row without like... Or more. Yeah, or more.

Fucking 10 hours. Why not? Let's make it a fucking Dane Cook set. When Lincoln was running for president, he would give these town square speeches

that would go on for hours and hours. It's kind of wild how advanced things got that it's kind of coming back. The live performance is now the coveted thing because screens are everywhere. And that's the special thing now that TV used to be like, oh, you're on TV. Now you're on TV. You're like, fucking nobody's watching. But if you go to do a live show, that's special.

live show that's special also that like everything is like curated and everything is uh filtered and censored and gone through a series of executives and producers and networks but some things aren't and people gravitate towards those things that aren't because now it exists well it's also like the good and the bad it's like at least it's not full of shit. Right. At least there's not someone who's trying to lie to you because they have some sort of a, you know, some vested interest in, you know, pushing some special interest group's narrative. Right. Yeah. Yeah, and that wasn't really exposed.

That was sort of seen as reality yeah that's coming coming down maybe maybe we're having a hard time adapting to i mean it's just power the digital revolution is powerful it's uh it's something we're struggling to adapt to yeah and people are starting to believe that their avatars are real and their online personas are real where none of it is real like you said when you sit down with that same I remember one time this dude I was going to do shows

in Philly and he wrote the most horrible thing about me and I just DM'd him and I was like do you fucking hate me like that he's like

nah man I love you I'm going to the show and I'm like so why did you say that what the what did he say he was like calling me a liberal cuck

and like I hate you you're a liberal yeah he was just I mean I lean left but you're a cuck say he was like calling me a liberal cock and like i hate you're a liberal yeah he was just i mean i lean left yeah but you're a cock yeah he was calling all that and he got personal i don't remember exactly but he like cursed me out and i dm'd him and yeah he was like i love you i think the move is to lean left with strength i think everyone should be centered and lean left or lean right the way it used to be yeah i think leaning left with strength is good because you lean left because you love because you care like when i endorsed bernie when i had bernie on my podcast and he was like i i want people to be absolved of their student loan debt i want people to not have to worry about medical bills i want people to not have to worry about being able to make a living i want people to not have to worry about feeding their family i'm like who the fuck doesn't give me a hug right but

then you have to reconcile that with the reality of like hey that's coming out of somebody else's pocket and you know you don't want to you know whose pocket people like me i'll give it to you right i don't care right and it's like how many people have too much? But you're exemplary in that way. Other people are hiding their money and fucking... Because I have brain damage. Yeah, well, that's a good thing, I guess. And I do mushrooms. Yeah, but I mean, like, if you look at why Greece collapsed,

it's because everyone wanted the benefits of socialism, but nobody wanted to pay for it, especially at the top. They go hide their money and, you know, that's the thing. It's human nature, that greed that we got to kind of conquer. Like, you know, that's what it what it is like socialism is a beautiful idea it works as a temp as a temperance it works as like to counter capitalism and control it a little bit and that's the other thing is people like fuck socialism it's like do we already live in a mixed economy right well we live in socialism because the fire department is socialist right

right i mean it is social security yeah your parks your police fire department is my favorite example because like if you had to pay to have the fire department come to put the fire out in your fucking home and save your family like good lord right like the fire department is my favorite because the fire department is like often ignored and underappreciated and and i have many friends that are fired fire department employees and and like uh going back to the 90s there's a friend of mine that i uh used to play pool with his name was ray the fireman that's what we used to call him in the the the pool hall and executive billiards he you can't you gotta pay for that yeah how does it get paid yeah we all agree we all agree if you give a certain percentage of your check to make sure

that fires are put out so that everyone's house doesn't burn down we all agree yeah we we need to look at that in terms of education in terms of health care in terms of but we also need to look at that in terms of education, in terms of health care, but we also need to realize that people are fucking lazy and people are weak, and we need to force them to get the fuck up and go. It doesn't mean that when you support socialist ideas, it doesn't mean that you don't want to support people that... You need to have discipline. We need to enforce that. Both things can exist simultaneously.

Absolutely, yeah. Do you think if everyone saw where their taxes were going, like if there was a system where you could see, like you could vote on, these are the taxes we're paying, instead of the government making a decision or passing these million-page bills where they sneak things in, it's like the people had control of like, my money is going to the schools. This is going to infrastructure. This is going to the police department.

If you could see that, more people – taxes wouldn't be as maligned as they are. It's like a bad word to say taxes. Republicans have really capitalized on that. Like keep more of your money. But it's like, hey, what if, like, the school system is great, and we all chip in, and you could see that your money was going towards that, and everyone was chipping in for that. If you could talk to a man who's on his deathbed,

who's dying, you have a million dollars in the bank, and you go, where do you want it to go? Do you want the world to be a better place? Or do you want to have a gold casket? Leona Helmsley left it to her cat. Really? Yeah, she left it to her cat.

Really? I think she did. I mean, you could double check me on that, but I'm almost positive. That's probably because a lot of guys fucked her over. Yeah. That's bad men. Yeah. Or, yeah, she just had an un...

She was just a bitch, maybe. She had a short haircut. Yeah. Yeah. I got a real mean insight into why women cut their hair short when they get older. If I say it, people will hate me. But I'll say it. I think older women cut their hair short, if you notice it's sort of an older

as women get older they cut their hair shorter shorter because they don't want to have like a guy in a bar see them from the back with long hair and be like who's this and then they turn around and it's like i'm a wit you know i'm a that's when i first moved but it's Hollywood in 1994, I was dating this girl who was bald. She shaved her head. She was crazy. She's from Norway. She was a singer, and she was really interesting. I was like 27 at the time.

She was my age, but she was more advanced. She was a really interesting person. But I remember we would go out to dinner dinner and she'd wear a wig and shit And we would like smile and laugh and it didn't work out But I remember thinking like this lady is so powerful She shaved her fucking head and she she was she was so smart But for whatever reason like where we I was and where she was, it was incompatible. She wasn't a Hasidic Jew or anything.

She was from Norway. Oh, yeah. They don't have those. Do they have those? I don't think so. Because they shave it and then wear a wig. Why did she wear the wig then if she chose to shave it? For fun.

Yeah. Yeah. But she shaved her head on purpose. Yeah. She had a tattoo on her back that was like a demon. And I go, why do you have a demon? She goes, it protects me. I'm like, okay.

But we only hung out for a little while. I dated her for like a couple of months. But I remember thinking like, wow, it's like really unique to meet this person. Because she decided that like societal norms of like long, beautiful. She never wore makeup, but she was fucking stunning. She was beautiful. She had a perfect body. She was a beautiful woman, but she just decided she wasn't playing these games.

It's like Rosa, Rosa, Nana. No, not really. Well, she shaves her head. Yeah, she's kind of a knucklehead. But she's cute, though. She is. She's cute. She is cute. She's cute. Even with the shaved head, yeah yeah she's kind of a knucklehead but she's she's cute though i mean she's cute yeah she's cute even with the shaved hat yeah she's got a hot face that's something hot about a chick who's hot like that but also like can whoop ass like that yeah yeah

this girl was like weird she was weird but i remember meeting her i'm like i feel like i was supposed to meet you and that was it it was short lived and didn't last you know for whatever reason me and her and me no she stayed around yeah i remember she came to the comedy store uh like a year later with a new guy and uh this is sven she was pregnant oh yeah norwegians are are interesting because they recently got rich from their oil money. Really? And so they're kind of like nuevo rich. Yeah, they got tons.

Their government's really, they have like a fund where they don't spend all the money. It's almost like they know it runs out. And they have like a government has like a fund where they put all their oil money in there. Because they're oil rich. That's what made them rich. They were like a weird people living over there and then they got rich they were always fucked with by the swedes and now it's funny because now the swedes go to norway to work because it's so rich so i used to have a joke when i would go over there and perform where i

would say like the swedes because they go work in like the bar industry in the service industry and then go back to sweden because they made so much money and i always said the swedes were like the mexicans in norway just came back and sent money to their family in Sweden. You used to perform in Norway? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I used to go there like once a year to Norway and Sweden and perform in Scandinavia.

Really? I was like a boy band. Yeah. I would like go and do stand up over there. You were a boy band? Yeah. Because boy bands go to Europe first and they're like, bye, bye, bye. And then they come over here and fucking- Bye, bye, bye. All like boy bands go to Europe first and they're like, bye, bye, bye. And then they come over here and fucking.

Bye, bye, bye. All the boy bands, they send them to Europe first and then they get big there. Because if you're American, like I was nobody. I mean, I still am. But like back then I was like nobody. But when you go there, like you're American. You must be great. And I'd be like, yeah, you're not one of the best comics.

And they don't, you know, they just go, he's American. He must be great. That's hilarious yeah so i've been to bergen bergen is one of the most beautiful cities in the world it rains like most of the year but it's one of the most beautiful cities i've ever seen it's called bergen bergen norway that sounds like new jersey it could be i think there is a bergen new jersey bergen county yeah it's the opposite of new jersey what's it like over there? It's there. There are beautiful people.

I don't know if it's because they were doing eugenics or whatever, especially in Sweden. I think that's the dirty secret of Sweden. It's like if you were ugly, they're like, okay, this one goes. This one go into a basket. Yeah, we're putting him here. And they're beautiful. Swedes are beautiful Viking people. Is that it, Jamie?

Yeah, it's gorgeous. I ate whale there. You ate a whale? I ate whale there with Magnus Pet people. Is that it, Jamie? Yeah, it's gorgeous. I ate whale there. You ate a whale? I ate whale there with Magnus Bettner. How much of a whale? Magnus Bettner, he's like a big Swedish comic. And in Norway, it's weird because... Look at those houses. They're so Nazi-like.

They are. They're all the same. Yeah, well, they're all Germanic tribes, but these are like the good Germans, the Norwegians and Swedes. Look, we have red. Next is yellow. Next is red.

Next is white. Yeah, welcome to Norway. Yeah. Purple roof. Here's some herring for breakfast. They're smart. They're advanced. It's clean.

They speak four languages. Four? They speak like English, Swedish, or Norwegian, which is the same language like the Norwegian. The Norwegians can understand the Swedes. The Swedes struggle to understand the Norwegians. But yeah, in Denmark, Sweden, and Norway, it's the same language, but it's different. Neither one of them, the Norwegians and Swedes can't understand the Danish, but the Danish can understand the Norwegian and Swedish. It's bugged out.

They're bugged out. They're all kind of, they share a history. And then the Finns are like different. They have a different language that's not based on, what is it, Indo-Hungarian or whatever. And they're like four blocks away. They're like right there. Weird. And like the Finns are like these weird blonde people with Mongolian.

They like have Asian eyes, but they're like blonde. It's because they're like, I think they were Mongolian that came over and they mixed with the Germanic tribes. They're bugged out. But they're like the smart, they have the best school system in Finland. They don't have grades. They have like four day school days. The kids don't have homework and they're like the smartest. No homework is awesome. Yeah, no homework.

Yeah. That's the way. When you're a kid, you hate homework. What the fuck is homework? It's bullshit. They're trying to get you into a cubicle. Yeah. They're trying to get you into a spot.

Yeah. Stay here. Yeah. Keep working. Yeah. No sleep. Yeah, that's another thing that's antiquated. Even the five-day work week.

Why? Why? Yeah, it used to be seven right and then they would give them two why eight hours a day why one third of your fucking day yeah and then you have commuting so that's two hours up and back so you have like what six left and then you go to sleep no good oh yeah and in scandinavia they you know i think in france now it's a four-day work week like i think it'll be good for the economy because then you go to sleep? No good. Yeah, and in Scandinavia, I think in France now it's a four-day work week. I think it would be good for the economy because then you have more money to spend. Sort of, but they can't compete with us.

No. When was the last time you saw a great French comic? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. They have their own scene where they take our jokes and then perform them in French. Yeah, and they know it. Good luck. Yeah. Good luck, fuckface. They love their culture. They got good stuff. They got good cheese and stuff. scene where they take our jokes and then perform them in french yeah they know it good luck yeah

good luck fuck face they love their culture they got good stuff they got good cheese and stuff great bread yeah i remember this one bartender in brooklyn this this pissed me off that she was this was a french thing she was french and it was a french restaurant i went in and i was like i was in the love with uh duval you know that like beer du Duval, Duval? So I called it Duval because I'm an American idiot according to her. So I went in and I was like, can I have a Duval? And she went, quoi? And I went, Duval, you know the beer? And she did like the what?

Like seven times. And then she went, oh, you mean Duval. And I was like, you made me do that, you bitch. Because I was pronouncing it wrong. Yeah, it's good. What did you call it? I called it a Duval. But it's called Duvel, according to her.

Well, it's spelled Duvel. So I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Is it good? It's really good, man. It's really good. Better than Budweiser? I doubt it. Yeah.

Budweiser gets warm. It tastes like piss. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm fucking... Was Duvel's Tastes like when it's warm Good point Yeah good point

I haven't I haven't tried it warm Probably shit too We used to always hear that About like European beers They liked it warm They drink it warm I think sometimes

Oh that's why They didn't succeed Yeah It's better cold Let's be honest Yes Most things are Except for fucking Yeah. It's better cold. Let's be honest. Yes. Most things are.

Except for fucking. It's good when it's a little sweaty. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want cold beer. Like cold fucking. No. No.

You want to be cozy fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Cold beer and warm fucking. Yeah. Cold beer and warm fucking. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Duvel. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah cold beer and warm fucking yeah cold beer warm fucking yeah yeah yeah duvel yeah well they're they just live in cold up there i mean it's like no sun highest suicide rate i think

is like one of those countries finland sweden or norwell in the north they got a weird tribe of people called the sami people or sami sami and they're just like native they have their own world up there nobody goes up there and they're just like native. They have their own world up there. Nobody goes up there and they're like a tribal people. They still live off the land. That's sad. Yeah. Anytime someone doesn't want to come into your neighborhood, that's not good.

No. What do you mean? Like them coming down? Or us coming there. Yeah. But then don't we fuck up their shit? How so? They're living in terrible places. Yeah. Warm beer and cold fucking. Yeah. But then don't we fuck up their shit? Fuck up their shit. How so? They're living in terrible places.

Yeah. Warm beer and cold fucking. Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Try Chick-fil-A. It's great. Chick-fil-A's good.

We should go to Skinny and be like, have you tried the fucking Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich? Chick-fil-A is so good we tolerate them being closed on Sunday. It's so good. And we tolerate that they're not for gay marriage because that chicken sandwich is so gay people eat chick-fil-a you can't help it dude it's so good i don't know what they're doing the right amount of buffalo sauce what is that it's the buffalo sauce can't lay off buffalo sauce is that what it is i'll fucking eat buffalo sauce on a boot i don't care but it's a weird thing it's like we know that they're like super religious to the point where they close down on Sunday.

I'm like, whatever. Like whenever I drive by Chick-fil-A on Sunday, I'm like, oh, yeah. Can't get in there. Yeah. Is that because they're religious? Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

They're legitimately the only fast food, like major fast food chain that's closed on Sunday. Yeah. Yeah. What happened to all those fundamentalist Christians? Remember that was like the big, they were big. Are they still big? Joel Osteen's big. I mean, that kid does arenas.

Arenas. Yeah. He's like you in the religious world. He's killing it. Yeah, he's fucking killing it. He's killing the game. Yeah. His material's a little stale, but he's fucking killing the game yeah his material is a

little stale but he's fucking killing it doesn't have to be good yeah he's just like there's not a lot of competition right right imagine if comics started doing religious shit like comics started doing arenas comics do do arenas might be like like religious arenas oh they're we took over yeah we started doing both stand-up do arenas in a day for Jesus, night for dick jokes. Yeah. Well, yeah. But that's the problem. It's like it's an art form that's underrepresented by talented people.

Which one? The religious? Fundamentalist religion. Yeah. It's just an art form. Right. It's just a, you know, you get people, ladies and gentlemen, Jesus wants you to succeed! Jesus!

Jesus! Yeah. And so many people, like, they want happiness, they want success, they want redemption, they want all those things. Yeah. And you should, they should be able to do that i think mediums too like if you believe that if you believe john edward can speak to your dead relatives why are we being mean to john edward that's a skill he has an earpiece in he

does have an earpiece in yeah and he does i love that the cold reading is like is anyone here did anyone have a john a j j someone's like yeah it's like what you can talk to dead people but it's like a bad connection what do you have like metro pcs it's better than metro pcs yeah yeah if you can pull it off get your money long island medium yeah she crushes who's that you don't know uh the Long Island Medium? Oh I do I was in a place in Vegas And I looked at the schedule for the future And the Long Island Medium was like two weeks later I was like what?

She crushes She's big She had a show And she's just like a housewife in New Jersey Who speaks to dead people Does she really? Of course not Of course not

Of course not There she is. Look at her hair. Oh my God. I'm from Long Island. Look at that fucking hair. Yeah. Jesus Christ, look at that hair.

It's like she wants you to know she's full of shit. Yeah. Teresa Caputo. Teresa Caputo. You can't make this stuff up. Yeah. Go back to that. What was that?

Make that bigger so my fucking old eyes can read it. What does it say? In case anyone is interested in reading about the live experience. I think these are fan testimonials. Oh, God damn it. You can't make this stuff up, but you can. You totally can. You can make a lot of shit up.

Go to the photos. i want to see the people that believe show me yeah there you go yeah that girl on the lower right the girl in the upper right rather with the blue dress she believes she believes of course she does that guy in the middle go above our appearances i understand that guy of course he believes he wants to fuck her yeah wants to fuck her right in the hair wants to fuck her hair what's the fucker right in the hair what's the fuck her hair keep going scroll down looks like she has an animal on her head oh my god it's it's an alien yeah look at that guy that's that Steve Harvey that would be funny if she really like if god chose her right yeah that would be funny yeah but probably not right no probably not yeah yeah probably full of shit you ever see that

documentary about the guy who tried to prove those guys wrong and did it oh what's he oh god it's such a good documentary fuck it. It was on Netflix for a while. And he actually was, it was the great, he was a guy like Darren Brown. You ever heard of that guy Darren Brown? I've had him on. Yeah, who like proved that it was wrong,

but he did it before Darren Brown. And like the biggest medium at the time, he called them out for being full of shit. He went in, he had like a team of guys going and they caught the radio waves of them and Totally called them on their bullshit the great something his name was like the great side camera. It's an amazing documentary

It's sad. Yeah, people are people want to be manipulated. They reality is kind of like Reality's full of pain people don't want it. They want to believe that their relatives are talking to them, watching over them, their dog is galloping in heaven. Their dog is galloping in heaven. Galloping in heaven, yeah. That is what they want. Yeah.

Maybe your dog is. Maybe you are, you know. Or maybe your dog is now a butterfly. Yeah. Worm food. And then we can continue on. Or your dog is now your baby. Yeah. Worm food. And then we could continue on. Or your dog is now your baby. Yeah.

Comes back. The spirit comes back as... People step on ants. You come back as an ant. Yeah. It goes on forever and ever and ever. There's got to be a finite amount of energy. Maybe reincarnation is true

well the weirdest the weirdest description of uh life i ever read was this guy was describing how you live the same life over and over and over again until you get it right and i brought it up to my daughter the other day and she was angry. She was like, I don't want to do this. I go, wait a minute, stop. Do you not love your life? She goes, I do. I go, do you not love your family? She goes, I do.

Do you love your friends? She goes, I do. But I go, but wouldn't you want to just keep going? And she was like looking at me like, what if you had to do this over and over and over again until you got it perfect? It's not possible. Well, do you say this because of the life you're living right now?

The times, you know, you ratted out your sister. Times, you know, you lied about like using your phone. The times you lied about, you know, whether or not you were paying attention and doing Zoom classes at school. Is that what it is? Or like if I had to live this life over and over and over and over again for infinity, would I be upset? Don't I enjoy this?

Like, why am I worried about living it forever and ever? But I think for a lot of people, that's more disturbing than this life ending. If it didn't end, it would have no meaning. Nothing would have any meaning. What has meaning right now? I don't know.

I mean, death kind of gives everything meaning because it makes it special. I mean, imagine if I was like, hey, if I don't see you tomorrow, I'll see you in the next million years or trillion or infinity. Everyone's afraid to or trillion or infinity everyone's afraid to die but no one's afraid to sleep yeah they're nas right sleep is the cousin of death i don't sleep when i had covet i was scared to sleep i've developed some weird fear of sleeping that i

and i wasn't sleeping i had to take i took how long this covet thing lasts for you it was like three weeks three weeks three weeks yeah wow jamie got over it in a day he's got superior genes man young james vitamin crushed it yeah i yeah i jamie thought he had like an allergy yeah yeah mine was three weeks Mine was like, it was bad. I had like the GI version, so it got in my GI tract, and the diarrhea was legendary. It was like on the toilet. Do you feel like overall, though, the experience of getting through it

has made you better? I do. I do. It humbled me. It made me appreciate health in a way that I've never before appreciated it, where it's like, that's all I... I remember saying to myself, I would give up anything to just be healthy and be with my wife and my daughter. They're my life, and that's all I care about. And that was something for a comic... Comics, we're just like these damaged narcissists

that always think about ourselves. And that is a really beautiful thing that I think came out of it. The only thing I cared about during that whole thing was getting back to my wife and daughter. And now it's stuck with me. I think even doing this massive show, I would be a lot more nervous. And now I'm like, this is the greatest thing. This is the comics jewel now to sit down with joe and talk and this is great this is one of the best experiences of my life

but being with my daughter and my wife is just like nothing i just want to be with my daughter and it was because some of that was like covet kicking my ass being like i just want to feel healthy to get back with my family. And that's still there. And I don't think it'll ever go. Don't you think that's awesome? It's amazing. That's the best thing about overcoming adversity. Yeah.

Yeah. It makes you stronger. It does make you stronger. It humbles you. And through that humility, you do grow empathy. You grow sympathy. You see yourself critically. Like I was calling all my friends and apologizing.

And that made me scared to a mile. I was like, am I losing it? Because I needed to call everyone. Because I started to become like this really closed person. And like that, I wasn't talking to anyone. person and like that i wasn't talking to anyone and you know and uh it really it really opened me up to like uh just being uh more open and connecting with people and just not it just changed me it totally changed me to be a better person for sure that's what we should all hope for everyone should get covid bad bad case But like things that like challenge you.

Yes, yes. 100%. 100%. The scariest things, facing your fears, the things that hurt you the most that you get through. It's a cliche, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's just fucking true. It's just a true it's just

a true thing and you almost don't become a better person unless you have adversity there's no it's like how good would muhammad ali be if he didn't have the rumble in the jungle or frazier would he be the great you know if he's just mowing everyone down that's the thing about khabib you're like did he face someone he mowed everyone down and that's yeah but he mowed down the best's the thing about Khabib. You're like, did he face someone? He mowed everyone down, and that's... Yeah, but he mowed down the best of the best. He mowed down the best. Conor fought him after a two-year layoff. He was kind of boozing a little bit, right?

Like, if you think Conor was in the flow, you think he would have maybe had better takedown defense? Maybe would have. He won a round. Nobody's ever done that. I want to see one more fight between them. Well, if he was retired, he's done. I know.

Do you think that eats Conor up? Maybe, but it's supposed to eat him up. I mean, he's going to level Dust. I mean, he's going to level him. Who knows? I mean, the kid's a good striker. Dust, it might crack him. He's got to get a hold of him.

I don't know. He's got a good chin, too, Conor. The only thing is he gasses. He gasses. Well, he is he gases. He gases. Well, he gases because he sprints. Like, his whole style is explosive. Right. His whole style is, like, just darting on you with, like, explosive, fast-twitch muscle fiber.

You know, really fast punches and kicks and just tries to end you quick. You know, that's the beautiful thing about balance. You hit the gas quickly, you don't have it at the end. Yeah. There's no yang without a yang. For every strength, there's a weakness. MMA, that's what makes MMA so dope. You're watching two dudes.

You're like, this guy's strong here, striking. This guy's good at grappler. This guy's good at jujitsu. That's why it's analogous to life it's like the there's a thing that makes it uh it you can you reference all the various aspects of any kind of discipline where it's like a really difficult struggle you could reference those and use those as an example for life yeah yeah and maybe. And maybe the world in America is the way that it is now is because people, a lot of people are not having kids. The people on the coast especially are waiting till they're like 60 to have

kids. And like, they're not going, they're so comfortable in the city. They don't have to, their food's just right there in the supermarket. They're avoiding struggle. There's just no struggle.

They're scared. Parents are paying just no struggle. They're scared. Parents are paying for their rent. They're living their dream. Oh, parents paying for your rent. Oh, so dangerous. Do you think it would be better? Here's my idea. You tell me, Joe, what you think about this.

If this was my political platform. Because so many people with dreams come to cities and gentrify cities. Don't you think there should be a dream police? Where we hire a bunch of people from that city, like lower, you know. Isn't that a police song? Huh? The dream police women's audience.

Isn't that? I don't know. Sorry. But then like you get like five years. If you're going to be a comic or an actor or a writer, you get like five years. And if you don't make it, then we hire like a bunch of like underprivileged kids to just beat the shit.

Like just jump them one night. There's some people that get through five years and they figure it out. They figure out what they're doing wrong and then they rise. But too late. You met your five year quota. That keeps the dream train moving. Yeah, but the dream train can't have that because everybody's perspective is different yeah the place they're coming to it from is different you know some people it takes them 10 years and then

they rise yeah it's like we don't want to deprive people of certain folks all right, I'll remove it from my platform then. Yeah, it's a, you can't put a timeline on evolution. Yeah. You know, it's like something, you know, chimps are still around. So are people. Yeah. Chimps are starting to use rocks and tools. You know, there's a lot of anthropologists that think that primates are in the Stone Age right now. I saw a video of them one fishing or some shit,

like spearfishing, right? Yeah, an orangutan. Yeah. It's bugged out. It's crazy. Hanging onto a branch, spearing fish. It's weird. That's us.

That's us like a million years ago, whatever. And when you look at some of those tribes, like the Brazilian rainforest still has those indigenous tribes. And it's like looking back in time. Yeah. It's wild. In a lot of ways. But maybe better.

Because they don't have the distractions. They don't have a lot of the bullshit. And they're doing ayahuasca. Like merging with each other. Yeah. On these monthly rituals. They're getting together and then, and they didn't, they're not trying to hide from death, you know?

Yeah. I'm scared of that stuff. I'm scared of a loss of control. Who isn't? Yeah. We all are. That's why, like, I'm scared of drugs and shit. I'm like.

What drugs are you scared of? All of them. I'm just don't, yeah, I don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel like, oh my God, I'm not in control drugs are you scared of? All of them. I'm just don't... Yeah, I don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel like, oh my God, I'm not in control. Do you smoke pot? No.

Hmm. What about mushrooms? No, I did mushrooms once. And I just remember I was running around going, where is the script? Where is the script? That's what you're saying?

Yeah, everything felt scripted. I was going, where is the script? What do you mean? I just remember feeling like things were fake it wasn't real and I heard like

one of my friends it just felt like a play that's probably life yeah it felt like same experience my first time Mushrooms 2 really

we all thought everyone was here for us we were like thank you for showing up to our movie that's exactly how i felt yeah really yeah and i was running around saying that and people going like what are you talking about i was like there's a script where's the script oh i never had that that have you ever had a bad trip oh yeah yeah most of the times i smoke pot so why do you continue to do it i force bad trips you're a beast i don't want i don't want anything to do with that i'll be like mommy i'm scared enough turn it off i like being scared yeah i do i i

like uh i like uh the being like super paranoid oh my god i get worried about my sanity when i do too yeah i do too i like it why because i worry about i i think that like there's a a real i know i've gone through it before the first couple times i probably didn't like it but i know that now i've been through it and i know on the other end i'm going to learn something about myself what why i'm scared what i'm worried about like the only way to really find out what you're worried about especially if you're a protective person who's like uh you know your ego is strong and you know you you think about yourself in a certain way you got to obliterate that and the best way to obliterate that for me is like a bad trip you know because where you get on the other end of it and you go okay i'm sorry

like i'm i'm gonna be a better person yeah yeah that's it's a scary thing that you always survive you always survive like i know when i'm getting into it that it's scary, but I also know that I'm most likely going to survive. So I just breathe and just get through it. Yeah. And then I learn something on the other end. Breathing is a big part of it. When you get scared, you stop breathing. It's funny.

Breathing is huge. Six seconds in. Hold it. Six seconds out. Yeah. When I was trying to get my heart rate down after I was panicking with COVID, that's what I was doing. I was doing through the nose, holding it, and then letting it out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing it with you now. Just go six in, six out. It really turns out to be five seconds. You count to six, but you're a bitch, so you're really getting five seconds in and a six-second count.

That's how I think about myself. When I'm nervous about things, I go i go six in six out and it turns out to be like generally about five seconds navy seals can probably hold it for a long time oh yeah you have to yeah yeah well anybody's a free diver or you know all that stuff is just about control it's about controlling your your your anxiety and your fear you know but you you concentrate on your breathing instead of concentrating on your worries and your your fears and you you can get through it yeah you always do that's the thing about anxiety always it oh it feels like it's gonna stay but it always goes that's why i like bad trips because you know it's gonna end yeah yeah cuz like I feel in the middle of it this is terrifying but on the end I'm going to

learn something I'm gonna have a I'm gonna have a revelation what was your worst trip oh you've probably had a bunch yeah I had a lot yeah I don't know I mean just fearful just worried about them that I going to die without being a good person. That I'm going to die without reaching my potential. That I've stumbled so many times I'll never recover. All those things. That who I know I can be, I will never reach. You know, that all the times I've been mean or dismissive or just like I've set out ripples in a negative way that I can't bring back. Right.

That I can't recover from. That's part of growth, though. You can't. Nobody's perfect. Except Jesus. And that's why I'm really here. Guys, Jesus is the way. Dude, we're like four hours and 20.

How many minutes in? Oh, that's why I can't feel my legs. 342? Cuomo vows New York will legalize adult use recreational cannabis. Oh, wow. Look at that. Cuomo must have fucking eaten an edible. Yeah.

Realized. He probably had a bad trip and realized exactly what we've been talking about. He fucked up. Yeah, I mean, the whole marijuana. What's that? He's been gambling and weeding like a week. In a week? They got to do something.

Well, that's the best way to bring back the economy. Got to. That's actually very wise of him. Yes. If that fucking dipshit Newsome would realize the same thing. You want to bring back California fuckface? You know you fucked up,

French laundry boy. You gotta do it. Legal weed! Legal weed and prostitution. Legal weed is already a thing in California. They need to bring back the cannabis and the gambling. Why not prostitution? Why not tax?

Make it legal and tax. Or make gold digging illegal. You got to be honest. I mean, you got to respect those ladies. That's a job. It is a job. Fucking someone you don't want to fuck. Yes.

And all the maintenance to look good and get your tits done. That's a job. Yes. Maybe they should be tax look good and get your tits done. That's a job. Yes. Maybe they should be taxed on whatever their stipend is, their weekly stipend. No. No. No, they should be free. Free to commit gold digging.

But we have to recognize that gold digging is not that much different than prostitution. Very similar. It's legal prostitution. Yeah. If you see a dime and she's with Rupert Murdoch, you're like, hmm. You need to pull her aside

and interrogate her. Or legalize prostitution. Yeah. That's a prostitute. That's a prostitute. All those girls who fucked Harvey Weinstein, what do you think is going on? You think they loved him for his fucking personality and his body?

Zero chance. Zero chance. Zero chance, yeah. I'm no mathematician, but zero chance. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a mathematician either, but I'm sensible. Yeah.

Yeah, no, that's the same thing. That's why why is prostitution illegal? It just makes no sense. No sense. No sense. It's one of those things that you know it's going to happen. Yeah. It's harmless in a lot of ways.

It's a choice. Here's why. You'd actually make it safer if it was legal. You don't want your daughter to do it. No. That's why it's illegal. No, I don't. You're like, stop.

No. Make it stop. Yeah. Yeah. No. No, it should be legal, though. But, yeah no no it should be legal though but you know it should be discouraged same way as being a garbage man yeah yeah i mean there's just no way to get at it there's just always a downside yes yeah it's a downside that's reality we need our garbage picked

up and some guys need to come and you just just need, you need, those are needs. They're needs that need to be met. I think the world, there'd probably be less violence if prostitution was legal. 100%. Guys get these nuts out. These insecure guys will get these nuts out. Not just that, but there's a lot of people that just don't have affection and love. And, you know, I mean, there's people that they get paid to spoon with people.

Yeah. You know that, right? Yeah, yeah. I've seen that. Yeah. How is that legal? Yeah. But it's a problem when people come?

Right. When's it a problem? When the general... How come it's not a problem when people massage your feet? Right. Right. Yeah. That's legal?

Yeah. If like some juice came out of your feet, then it makes it illegal? What's the difference? Foot juice. That's a good point, man man that's a very good point yeah yeah yeah fucking ridiculous it is it's like a bunch of nanny people nanny state it really is you know you can't stop prostitution shouldn't stop anything and it's marijuana is one of those things you're like what the fuck took so long for it to be legal? I mean, all the evidence. That's when people get skeptical of the government.

They go, what the fuck, man? So I can beat my wife, kill you in a car, decimate my family, die of liver damage, but I can't smoke a bowl. You can drink yourself to death. To death. Alcohol is a hundred times more dangerous than marijuana. Not even the same animal. And it's like, that's illegal? It just doesn't make sense.

So what's Cuomo's plan? I didn't look at a plan. I just saw that they were going to do it. In two weeks? No no no I was saying In the last week They've announced that they're going to

Legalize gambling Oh And also This plan Well They need to That's a good move for him Especially with the tax base gone

Now all the rich people have Have fled You gotta God damn they fled That fucking de Blasio That fucking dip shit It's brutal That silly man yep that's a i didn't think it mattered who the mayor was i didn't used to think so either i didn't think

it mattered but when the shit hits the fan and someone could shut down restaurants you're like oh my god it matters yeah it matters so much in some ways it matters more than the president if you live in new york city yeah 100 yeah yeah yeah it matters so much or if some ways, it matters more than the president if you live in New York City. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. It matters so much. Or if you live in Los Angeles, New York City. That fucking idiot.

I think New York needs a Republican mayor. It's a tough money town. Like, that's what makes... That's why when AOC was like, and Markakis or whatever his name is, some Greek kid who's a local councilman, they were like, no Amazon. I'm like, what are you talking about, man? No Amazon. What do you think makes a city a city?

In every, throughout history, it's like cities come up around business. She's not even 30. It's like, what do you want to do? More nail salons and pizza shops? Like, how are we going to fucking get jobs here? Yeah. It's the digital age.

Yeah. It's like Amazon wants to come. Of course they get tax breaks. That's why they're fucking coming. Exactly. But do you know what that does for the economy, dummy you fucking dummy yeah and she was like that money could go to stuff it's like you don't even understand where's the money come from where does it come from dude yeah it comes from tax the rich she sold tax the rich sweaters for 58 dollars

yeah you know that i didn't know that but you didn't know that no she sold sweatshirts they said tax the rich on them and they cost 58 bucks yeah that's fine You know that? I didn't know that. You didn't know that? No. She sold sweatshirts. They said tax the rich on them, and they cost 58 bucks. Yeah, that's funny. But you got to be rich to buy this. What does a fucking sweatshirt cost without tax the rich on it? It's probably like $10. Where's the other $48?

Yeah, yeah. It's funny. It's so fucking dumb. It's so dumb. Yeah. When anyone thinks they have all the answers, that's when you go like, I'm skeptical of that person. Yeah, you should be. Yeah.

You should be. Giannis Papas, we just did it. It was a long, long time coming, but I'm glad. Thank you for having me, man. My pleasure, brother. Thank you very much. Yeah, I really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

This was so much fun. It was a lot of fun. Let's hang out tonight. Yeah, man. We'll do it again. Yes, sir. God bless America. God bless the world.

Praise Odin. Anything else? No, I was going to say those three things. That's a wrap. That's it. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody.