The Joe Rogan Experience - #160 - Eddie Bravo

Episode Date: November 24, 2011

Joe sits down with Eddie Bravo.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. That was the longest commercials we've ever done. But whatever, it's not really a commercial. Telling you some stories in there, right? Some shit going down. It ain't that simple. Eddie Bravo, my friend, Eddie Bravo is here.

Thank you for having me. Thank you. Joe Diaz was supposed to be here with us, but Joe Rogan, I got a lot of things I got to do. I'm going to be there at 9 o'clock. I'm going to be there at 9 o'clock. So Joey will be here when we do another podcast. He actually never agreed to do it. He never did?

Yeah, I thought he was going to do it. I Twittered it. I Twittered it, and he calls me up and tells me, like, man, you don't know anything unless you talk to me. I'm like, oh shit. He did agree to it. He agreed to it to me. Joey's crazy. It's okay. He goes, I got the wife. I got things I gotta do, dog.

You know what? I shouldn't have jumped the gun. Why? In tweeting it? Yeah, because he's got everybody scared. Joey's got everybody scared. You can't even tweet things that you said he would do. What the fuck did you do with the tweets? What the fuck, dog? Did I tell you to tweet that? Did I tell said he would do. What the fuck did you do with the tweets? What the fuck, dog? What the fuck, dog? Did I tell you to tweet that?

Did I tell you to tweet that? What the fuck do you do with tweeting that? He's the best, though. I fucked up. I don't mind. No, you didn't fuck up. You fucked up in the world of Joey. In the regular world, what you did was normal.

He told me he was going to do it. Then he said to me on the phone today, if you want me to do these things, dog, you got to talk to me a day before. I did talk to you a day before. We talked about it yesterday. But, you know, he's Joey Diaz. Hopefully he comes tonight, though. He's going to come tonight. He dog, you got to talk to me a day before. I did talk to you a day before. We talked about it yesterday. But he's Joey Diaz. Hopefully he comes tonight, though.

He's going to come tonight. He just doesn't want to be here all day. But you know what? He might not come tonight. I mean, he reserves the right to not show up at all your shows. How many times has he done that? Twice or three times. Yeah.

He just doesn't show up sometimes. Yeah. Luckily, it doesn't matter. He's such a wild motherfucker. That's why you like him, because he's so random. Yeah. It doesn't matter. He could flake on three shows, four shows.

We still love him. It doesn't matter. It took me not really that long to realize that you don't get a personality like that without some quirks. That's just the impulsiveness of the reason why he's so funny. It's all just his own special blend, his own special personality. He's just an unusual dude, and you've got to accept you gotta accept that you gotta let him be who he is that's why I started taking two comics on the road with me I used to only take one but that one was Joey a lot of time and a lot of time Joey who just fucking he just would vanish on you

and so I started taking other dudes yeah and so it became two and then I realized when you take two it's more fun anyway it becomes like a party like one dude is good but when you go on the road with like two, three dudes that's when it becomes really fun it doesn't feel bad when we go on the road, Eddie used to go on the road with us all the time

for years and when we would go on the road it never felt like we weren't home we had different places where we slept. But everything else is the same. It was just all our friends going out to eat, all our friends drinking or whatever, all our friends at the shows. It seemed like we were just hanging out, which is beautiful.

You don't get that horrible fucking loneliness that a lot of comics get when they go on the road, man. It's them alone in a hotel room after the show, just wishing they were home, missing their girl, missing their dog. Just desperate. There's a lot of dudes who get fucking seriously depressed from road traveling. I can imagine, man. I hate being gone just for two or three days. Can you imagine being like a heffron that's gone for a whole month almost?

Yeah, and he doesn't bring guys with him. He's not going with a bunch of his buddies. That sounded gay. Why does it sound gay? Actually, it sounded non-gay. And he doesn't bring guys with him. Jesus. I don't know why he even thought like that.

I don't know, man. Sad you would think that way after all this talk. Are there comics out there that bring chicks with them everywhere they go? Sure, yeah, absolutely. There's one comic that did our podcast, and I knew he was going to bring his fucking wife. He brings her everywhere, dude. I've never seen him without her.

She's really hot, and he's really not. And he's like, I got this bitch. She ain't going nowhere. And he just brings her everywhere, everywhere they go. And he brought her on the podcast. We had to get her a microphone because she was talking. So we're like, hold on. We're going to turn a microphone on for her. Yeah, it's like she kept on talking off mic

so it was constant like just, all right, here's a microphone. Yeah, it was, well, it wasn't reluctant. I like her. She's nice. She's, you know, she's not stupid. She's a smart person,

but it's just, he's just one of those dudes that just can't, he doesn't go anywhere without his girl. Yeah. People do that, man. He's probably listening to the show right now. That's okay.

We didn't say anything bad. It's all true. He's a great guy. I love Yeah. People do that, man. He's probably listening to the show right now. That's okay. We didn't say anything bad. It's all true. He's a great guy. I love him. Hey, Eddie, did you release a new music video recently or have you released it yet

or what's going on with that? The music video, we were going to release it last week, but it turns out there's still some colorization left to do, some technical shit,

but we're going to drop it probably first or second week of December. Awesome. I can't wait to drop it probably first or second week of December. Awesome. I can't wait to see it. It's pretty dope, man. What's the song? It's jujitsu.

Did you redo the whole- The song's called jujitsu? The song's called jujitsu. Now, did you redo the whole song? Because you had an original song right now. Did you redo it, or what did you change? Well, this is what happened. Raka, who is the rapper for dilated peoples he does

jujitsu with henner and heron and we had a mutual friend his name was um adisa and he's like dude man i'm gonna hook you and rock up together you guys make music together and he kept talking about it for like a year he would call me goes where hollywood where you at i wasn't there then after a year we he finally we finally link up he ends up at my studio and i you know i had some songs i was gonna you know some some tracks i was gonna play from i had three of them and he was gonna choose which one he wanted to throw a verse over that was the first plan but like you know what do we sing about or what what is the song gonna be about and i thought you know since he's here because adisa kept going dude do you know what's happening that's he's deep

with the gracies with henner and horion and all of them and your tenth planet you guys coming together with music And he's like it's such a big deal, and I thought well Why don't we what isn't the song just be called jujitsu? And we just you know and he right dude I don't know if you heard it But no that his his verse when he dropped it played him some beats he it took him about 45 minutes to write the verse and boom and then compella the guy that's in my band who i always work with and alex were on the

side working on a verse too so that we ended up just going why don't you rocket take the first verse compella took the second and alex did the third and uh will it be fun for people who don't do jujitsu do you think about that or you just say fuck it let's just do it for us it's it's really all about you know the to me my opinion the best music is when it's personal when it's if you're trying to write to to you know so that people can relate to it that's in my case in my opinion i think that's that's garbage i think that's how it is with everything yeah you gotta write you gotta and it was just perfect because that's what it was about he He showed up and we're like, man, it is the Gracie's rep and 10th Planet coming together. So the song is about burying any kind of negative emotions

or negative energy that there is with 10th Planet. Let's just bury that shit. It's all about jujitsu. We love it. And we ended up doing a music video for it. And Ken Mao edited it. And he made it look really damn good, man. and it's you know and that's that's what we ended up doing a music video for it and ken mao edited it and and he made it look really damn good man um he he's done he he's did beyonce videos jay-z foo fighters anybody you could think of he won an mtv music award for crazy by narls barkley that

was that's awesome he cut that video wow he cut that video he cut he's like the baddest motherfucker in the business and he cut my video man that was one he's like the baddest motherfucker in the business, and he cut my video, man. That was one of my favorite walk-in musics ever. When BJ Penn came into that song, I'm like, how perfect is that for BJ? You can hear the audio. We released the audio. The song was actually, me and Rocket did it, and then I got Danny Loner from Nine Inch Nails.

Awesome. He actually produced it. Was that like a dream come true, getting Danny? Because that's, I i mean both of us were huge nightingale fans still are but i mean nine and snails was like that's my that's my blood man and here i am you know working with danny loner it's pretty crazy every time i'm at his house he's got a student house got a like a castle mansion up in hollywood hills and i'm sitting there working on some it's i you know it's just it's it's awesome finally after all this time getting the respect in the music business that that i wanted you know and

it was hard because most people thought i was a an athlete a jiu jitsu guy who is dabbling in music now like oscar de la joya or like you know shack or something they don't realize that i started jiu jitsu at 24 and i've been producing music my whole life that was the number one goal jujitsu was just a way to stay in shape and most people don't realize realize that so they have they have a prejudice against my music they don't even want to hear the music oh my god a jujitsu guy is trying to do music now they don't realize that this is what this is what i'm really good at well the reality though i mean there's a reason why they say that and it's because almost everybody only does one thing good

and they'll go and do something else and it sucks. You know, like how many times has an actor put out an album and it's fucking terrible? Yeah, the odds, the odds. I mean, I understand. I understand the odds.

I mean, I wouldn't. I mean, remember when Michael Jordan tried to play baseball? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Remember that? Barely. Yeah. It didn't last long, right? Remember when Don Johnson was a singer? Remember when Don Johnson tried to play baseball? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Remember that? Barely. Yeah.

It didn't last long, right? Remember when Don Johnson was a singer? Remember when Don Johnson was a singer? Don Johnson had songs? Yeah. They were terrible. That's crazy. They were terrible.

The audio is actually available. Now, the video, we're not going to drop for a couple weeks. It's almost done. The audio is available at ReverbNation.com slash Smoke Serpent. That's the name of the band, Smoke Serpent. So we got a couple songs on there. The 2011 version I dropped,

which is pretty dope as well. But the video will, you know. Are you allowed to call your own stuff dope? Fuck yeah. You gotta be careful about that. No, when it comes to music. No.

Really? Every band, when their album comes out, they go, man, this is our best shit. It's awesome. No one ever says Man my new album's coming out

It's alright No no That's not what I'm saying at all I'm saying you know It's hard to judge your own shit Without looking strange Isn't it Not music

No not music It is the comedy It's comedy you know You say I did This is my best stuff ever But that's about it If you get into many more detail and say it's fucking awesome, it cracks, it sizzles.

Music's different. It pops. Yeah, music's different. Really? Yeah, for sure. Well, it's also maybe because you work with a bunch of people too. It's like a collaborative effort. Whereas with comedy, you're just kind of bragging about yourself.

Yep. That's tricky, right? Yep. Brian, do you ever make a video and tell everybody how awesome it is? I never say it's awesome, but I definitely just go, hey, watch my video. But I don't think I ever say, oh, my God, this is the best video I ever made or something like that. Right. This video dominates.

Right. This video is the shit. But I think with music, that's a little bit more personal. And also, it's a bunch of people together. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's a project.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a project. Yeah. I'm always real careful about any grandiose exclamations about anything that I do. Because it always feels like, if I talk about it at all, it makes me feel like a douchebag. Yeah. I understand. But music, though, you've got to be super confident with your music. And without blowing smoke up your own ass i actually believe the music that that you know especially the song jujitsu i think it's a great song you have to be confident in everything you do if you're gonna do stand-up you absolutely have to be confident

you can't fake fake it with competence you know technical competence you gotta you gotta be in the fucking groove when you're a comic what What are you playing, buddy? This is his new song. Is that it? This is the old version. This is the demo. This was on your Smoke Serpent page on Reverb Nation. Thank you. They don't have the new version of it on it?

No, that's... He was... He's fucking with you? Oh, I was? No, I wasn't. I thought you said the new version was on. Come on. Oh, Drop 2011 is what you're talking about.'s on reverb yeah that's on too but that's not the song that danny loner praised we actually are working on a danny loner version of that song too

which is totally different it's like you're not even gonna recognize it or just it's it's pretty crazy now in this day and age there's no more music business like there was before is it better for you because there's not like there's no record sales anymore that shit's out the window it's like itune sales and concert promotion right yeah it's way better for the musician for sure absolutely you get your shit but is it better to try to get in is it better this way than it was before was because the way it was before, it was very difficult to break into the music business, right? And you'd get these crazy contracts.

Like, I remember Courtney Love wrote some article about it, about how crazy the financial breakdown is, of who owns what and where the money goes and how long it is before artists actually start getting paid. It's pretty brutal but it's not like that anymore it's a the odds are i mean it's totally in favor now of the artist but still you know i mean it helps being signed to a major label they still have all the avenues to get your stuff on mtv if you know but you know now you can you know put your stuff on itunes and

the whole world has access to it instantly from their phone That is massive for the artist. Yeah now. It's just about publicizing your shit now It's about letting you know about it exactly well What's going on let us know when you're when you're gonna release the whole thing we're gonna release a CD on iTunes Yes, what we're releasing the single the singles as we're done with them so right now so far. We have jiu-jitsu We have one song you can get it for free right now once the video is out i'm you know then i'm going to put on itunes and it's going to be like a dollar 29 or whatever the hell it is but right now i'm just letting people have it for free for a couple weeks on reverb nation powerful reverb nation powerful

internet yeah it's huge just like that bone it's amazing listen to you know, this podcast, nobody ever gave me a radio show. I talked about doing a radio show forever because I would go and sit in on people's radio shows, you know, and it would be fun, like, you know, Dale Dudley in Austin or Opie and Anthony or something like that. You know, it's always a good time. It's fun to just sit. And even doing censored radio where you're going there and you're talking with, you're making sure you don't swear and certain subjects you can't even breach. They told us last time that we couldn't say retard, right?

Remember that was the last one? Yeah, we made a whole video about it. Yeah, that's a new word that's been recently eliminated from the vocabulary of things you can say and thought. Regular radio is brutal, man. Have you seen the censored version of Tropic Thunder? Remember that whole retard part? Oh, yeah.

No, what does it say? No, but what does it say? You can't go full special. You went full special. Oh, no, it doesn't. No. You went full special. You're not supposed to go full special.

That's hilarious. Was it just like on TV? Oh, it's really bad. Like the overtones. That is actually even more offensive because special implies that the person has like down syndrome or something like that retard is just you're you're a fucking idiot you know someone's a retard they're a fucking idiot but it actually in tropic thunder it wasn't even it wasn't actually it was actually about down yeah it actually was retard he went full retard

jesus christ that was hilarious so you finally saw it oh yeah yeah you didn't see it for years i mean isn't it classic great everybody in tropic thunder's a douchebag everybody nobody's cool in it right ben stiller made that ben stiller made that whole thing himself right he's a bad motherfucker oh didn't he direct that something like that he's a bad motherfucker that was that was brilliant every character was a great movie it was a great movie the whole thing it was just enough over the top just enough silly you know you know when i you know when i knew it was fucking gonna be the greatest movie ever is when that dude's head blew up the director when his head fucking blew up i'm like oh shit they're going that way that scared the fuck out there's no limit it's like you know pineapple express

where it's a comedy but people are fucking getting their heads blown off. You know what I mean? That's a whole different kind of comedy. I still haven't seen Pineapple Express. Not as good as Tropic Thunder, but it's still pretty good. I still like it. It's still good. Tropic Thunder was so good.

It's hard to be. The only thing that could beat Tropic Thunder and get close is Talladega Nights or Hangover or something like that. Robert Downey playing that dude with black makeup on? I mean, come on. It was so crazy. He's got black makeup on. He's in the fucking jungle, and he's still got black makeup on. What was the deal with that guy?

Did he have his pigment changed? No, he gets really into his role, so he just became a black guy. Right, but did he change his pigment? No, he just wore makeup his role, so he just became a black guy. Right, but did he change his pigment? No, he just wore makeup. Everywhere. He wore makeup, yeah. Just everywhere he went. You know, there are dudes like that that they'll get in a role,

and then the entire time they're working on the set, like when they're talking to the grips or whatever, they talk in character. Yeah. You know? They weren't even shooting, and he kept on and on. They're like, dude, will you get out of this goddamn character? Why don't you drop it?

Man, I don't drop character until i do commentary for the dvd wow what the it was funnier when he said it of course yeah and i'm generally generally jack black movies i'm not really that into generally school of rock was good did you see that yeah that was that was all right. Nacho Libre, I wasn't a fan. Red Band liked it. We had that one. Remember we walked out of that in 20 minutes? I did not like that movie. Oh, now he doesn't like it.

No, it's just because you guys only took it 10 minutes. You only gave it 10 minutes of a chance or something like that. Whatever it was, let's call it 15. It was brutal. The first 15 was killing us. We got the fuck out. You were the only one that said. No, me and Ari both did. Yeah, you and Ari both did. We were bar killing me. We got the fuck out. You were the only one that said. No, me and Ari both did. Yeah, you and Ari both did.

We were barbecued. We were frazzled, and it still wasn't good. I tried watching it again, because my girlfriend really likes it, because you've got to watch it again. And sometimes when you watch something again, like Anchorman the second time was better. I'm like, okay. The first time, I really didn't get it.

But Jack Black was incredible in Tropic thunder he was incredible man i thought i thought damn he's just killing hilarious yeah he was great but robert downey jr took it for me and and you know ben stiller was really funny and it's yeah yeah it was a good fucking movie man they're all really it's not that many good movies man it's a lot when you look at like great movies to shit movies it's probably like 10 shit movies to one great one. Right? Yeah. Dude, there's so many big actors in that movie.

They probably got paid like 50 grand each or something. There's just too many actors. Danny McBride was in it. Nick Nolte. Tom fucking Cruise. Yeah. Holy shit. Tom Cruise was awesome in that movie.

That must have been a party. He played that crazy executive guy. Dude, how fun must have been a party he played that crazy executive guy how fun must have been filming that movie oh fuck yeah that must have been a wild time yeah that's a classic that's an all-time classic not that many of them man not that many all-time classics i like the commercials at the the beginning like whatever that is oh yeah the booty uh drink nick swartz is gonna come on he's gonna do podcast again. He said he wanted to do it. He did a movie, and it bombed so bad, he went to Hawaii for two months. He just said, I can't take it.

He goes, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. He went to Hawaii for two months. He did a movie that got a zero on Rotten Tomatoes. Did it get released nationally? Yeah. What was the movie? Bucky, the porn star where he played a- Oh, Joey was in that one. Yeah. Joey was in that? Yeah. What was the movie? Bucky the Porn Star where he played a... Oh, Joey was in that one. Yeah.

Joey was in that. Yeah. Said it bombed hard. Yeah, I heard it was really bad. That's weird to me because I think even... It's so funny. Even it's so bad that at least there had to be one person that said, Yeah, you know, it's a dumb movie.

It's an extortion movie. It is what it is. Well, who knows, man? Not even one person. A lot of these movies, man, there's a lot of people fucking with it, especially if you were a guy like Nick Swardson, this is your first shot at making a big movie with your name on it. There might have been a lot of cooks in the kitchen.

You know, I told this story before. I was on a movie once, Frank McCluskey, C.I., and I had this scene that eventually got cut out of the whole movie. But I watched this funny dude eventually got cut out of the whole movie but I watched this funny dude get all these different line readings from all these executives.

They're all telling him how to do it and they completely ruined the movie. I watched it happen. I watched all these guys in suits literally tell this guy

how to do his scene and like, this is what I want you to do. I want you to come in. Like, they were telling, they weren't even to the director and the director

couldn't do shit about it. He was powerless, and the whole thing became a mess. It easily could have happened. They do a movie, and everyone just shits on it. You know, while we're on that subject really quick, I did a short movie,

super low budget, with Joey Diaz and with Renato Laranja. We're releasing it on my YouTube channel tonight at midnight. It's called Return of the Death Knuckle. It's gonna be interesting to see. Dude, that doesn't even look real. I saw the video. It doesn't look real.

It looks like you're punking people. That's what everyone thought. Kate's Potato thought that, too. We actually did... Whose idea was the movie? Well, it was like movie well it was it was like this it was supposed to be oh there it is is this the preview there's other music going on oh that's that other song in the background brian

brian what do you think Oh, that's that other song in the background, Brian. Brian, what are you doing? Brian, pause this shit so you kill that song. What the fuck are you playing? What is that? What are you playing? I don't even know where it's coming from. Are you serious?

Yeah. You don't know where it's coming from? Well, look at your browser. Open your browser. Something's playing, you freak. What are you doing? Are you ready to kill yourself? Do you have something to tell me? If that's the music you're listening to when we leave, can you imagine?

You're listening to, like, Burl Ives and shit. You ready? Bye, bye, Miss American Pie. Put some volume into it. Take that. Who do you want to get? What's happening? This is Flavio D'Souza.

Interpol's 10th most wanted man. Brazilian capoeira black belt, cop killer. I don't want you guys taking any unnecessary risks out there. He's already killed one cop. And you know, he's got a tooth. I got you. For the people just listening to audio, you're watching some really ridiculous shit. I know you youngsters always start off the fucking gently. It's Bruce Lee. You understand me? Bruce Lee.

Return of the Deadline. For most people listening, this was just a lot of music. What it is. If you go online, you can see this clip on YouTube. That was very awesome, man. Be kind in the comments. What did you think was awesome about it? Because I know Eddie. And I know Joey. what would you think was awesome about it uh i because i know eddie you know so and i know joey

and i think your fans and i think people that know you are gonna love it at least that's what i would think because i think it looks fucking i want to say i wasn't sure you just never know we i screened it in st louis last saturday in front of like 38 like 10 you have to be a you have to know the the, Renato Laranja. He's actually Renato Laranja playing Flavio. It's fake within fake. You know what I mean? So we ended up in the same goddamn movie.

Fuck. You know what I mean? And in the movie, I play a cop, like a really cool Vince Vaughn type cop, going after Renato Laranja, this Brazilian steroid trafficker. He's the son of an acai plantation owner. Dude, and Joey killed it in it. Joey's in it too, man. He plays an informant. Is the movie funny?

Is it funny? Dude, if you understand the characters, everyone was dying. Everyone thinks it's insane. Who's everyone? That was at the screening in St. Louis. Unless they lied to me. Unless they lied to me, people were laughing

their asses off and said it was... Well, there's always an audience. I don't know. Regular people might not get it. People that don't know, if you're not a hardcore MMA fan, you probably ain't gonna understand the whole Brazilian, Hanapo thing because it's really, it is like an inside joke. I would love to see it to see if I MMA fan, you probably ain't going to understand the whole Brazilian Hinata thing. It really is

an inside joke. I would love to see it to see if I understand it because I don't know anything that's going on. You would understand it. I had a conversation with one. I had to do some stuff today for the UFC. The dude who I'm talking to is a friend of mine, my friend Judd. He thought it was real. He totally thought it was real.

I go, no, no, no. Hinata? Yeah, I go, it's a friend of mine. He's a brown belt under Eddie. He's a really good guy. He totally thought it was real. I go, no, no, no, no. I go, this is my friend. Gerardo? Yeah, I go, it's a friend of mine. I go, he's a brown belt under Eddie. He's a really good guy. He's an actor. And he's like, no fucking way. I go, yeah.

He goes, you mean the whole thing that James Brown, that was fake? I go, yeah, it was fake. We were just fucking around. He's like, did you have a script? I go, no, we just started. We were just fucking around. No, man. Everybody thinks that's real, that I was a real guy.

That was like mad at me. I will say this. I will say this, man. Everybody thinks that's real, that I was a real guy. That was like mad at me. I will say this. I will say this, man. I haven't, I took acting lessons in like 15 years. My acting's not going to be fucking Robert De Niro. I was, you know, it's okay at best, right? But Rassan as Renato, every scene, every word that came out of his mouth, the way put this together is um cristo garcia he came to me he's a guy he produces television shows on like cable and stuff and his he has asked he's a karate

guy and his aspirations were you know to be this filmmaker of making like big karate movies he came to my gym and said dude i want to put you in a movie i got a script and you're going to be a trainer like a mr miyagi dude i'm like i go man i'll act you know what i mean but i'm not going to audition for shit if people offer me like i was a never back down to i didn't like audition for that you know i'm not gonna i'm not i'm not i'm not taking acting that seriously but if someone comes to me and says i want to put you in a movie am i gonna say no i said okay i'll do it we sat down he showed me some scripts he's got like three martial arts scripts i'm like okay he goes. He goes, dude, I'm going to put you in this one, and I think you'd be great in this. I go, dude, you haven't even seen me act.

I go, are you sure I could act? I sent him Quatu, and he goes, dude, you could act. So anyways, I love that people make movies like this. I didn't even. So this is what happened. So I told him, I go, I can totally just be in your movies and just read your lines and stuff like that. We could do that. Or you could let me bring in my people because i got some talented people around me and he goes

he was like totally cool goes yeah yeah who he didn't know he didn't know rasan and he didn't know joey at all i sat him down i go watch these motherfuckers these guys are already hits people already love them they're already grand slam slam jewels. Let's put them all in this shit and make this a comedy. I already got the story because I had the Joey Karate story in my head. I've been trying to put it together like the real Joey Karate

as like... Cuban black belt. Yeah, but he'd be like a mob guy. My idea was he's a mob dude, like a hit man, who wants to get out of the mob and do MMA because he's like this big karate a hit man who wants to get out of the mob and do mma because he's like this big karate mma fan right and he wants to get out of the mob so i had this idea and i and uh we were gonna roll with it he wanted he wanted to do it oh for people who don't know brian pull up pull up joey karate give me a joey karate because he does one where he gets

attacked and it is fucking awesome man the one where fights the dudes off I think it's a come on his character that's an amazing and Joey and basically he's not even acting he grew up doing karate and the crazy thing about Joey growing up doing karate in New York is that Rahsaan's dad was his teacher isn't that nuts you knew that right yeah yeah okay that is fucking crazy what are the fucking possible odds of all the karate teachers yes give me some volume people people watching this at home yeah we're watching Joe what's the name of this one Brian's the first Joey karate number one Joey karate number one I'm serious he's He's fucking brilliant. Look at his chest. And he really knows karate. That's real shit. I'm serious.

He's the funniest guy that's ever walked the face of the earth. No one's even close. No one's even close to Joey Diaz. Mad flavor. He's the best. Oh, dude, this is huge. Hey, fuck though. It's Joey Karate today.

You understand me? And you're here for the UFC Minute. A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana reports. A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana reports. A lot of people see me in the sports reports. But nobody really knows I'm a trained fucking assassin. A Cuban black belt. I lost my rank on the fucking boat ride over. They knocked me down to a green belt.

But I'm fighting to get it back, you understand me? I take my shit back from the fucking jungles in China. Hong Kong. Bolivia. That's where I train with fucking savages. Not these little fucking guys flying through the air. You're lucky you caught me today. Because Joey Karate is going to give you the lock for UFC. And it's all about fucking Brazil this weekend. You understand me? My man, Anderson Silva is going to fuck people up this weekend. You understand me? He went through Kislevman.

He went through Forrest Whitaker, Forrest Griffin. He's gonna fuck them up. Let me show you what this motherfucker does. First off, he's gonna get them in a clinch. That's some Muay Thai shit, you understand? I studied Muay Thai. Not really in Thailand, over at the Thai restaurant on fucking Gawada.

He's gonna get them in a clinch, couple knees to the fucking head. Then he's gonna kick them with a side kick. Then he's gonna jujitsu them into some fucking samurai or some armbar or some fucking... And he's gonna fucking choke him up. It's that simple. That's Anderson Silva. You understand me?

He does his traditional... And that's it, baby. Don't forget UFC. Catch me next week with all my other things. You understand me? Next week we're gonna cover stretching and flying through the fucking air. Flying through the fucking air. Come on.

That was great. And you could tell, like, that was his first one. That was all gold. But, like, now when he does them, he's just so, like, confident. Because he was just getting into the UFC back then. He wasn't into MMA for a while. He was hanging out with us. He hated it when we talked about the UFC. But then when the Ultimate Fighter

came out, he was one of those guys that got hooked through the Ultimate Fighter. And all of a sudden he's a fanatic. And that was the first one he'll admit he didn't have as much confidence picking back then because he's new to the sport. But now when you watch him do the 10th Planet Cushes, he's on fucking fire he knows

mma he knows he knows he knows shit about mma that i would never know like he knows when the next five ufcs are at and what stadium what city he knows all that shit it's crazy i don't know when the fucking next ufc is there's like three a month. Yeah, Joey's a fan. They're going to be in Baltimore next week. I'm like, oh shit, really? But you know, he thinks that everything's a scam. You know, he thinks whenever there's an underdog, if an underdog wins, he's like,

you never met a bookie with a part-time job. And that's what he said during Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos. He said it and I got him on film at the show, at the UFC. He goes, and I just wanted to get his prediction because we didn't do a 10th Planet Kush for that UFC. And he goes, and he

said just like that, you never seen a bookie with a part-time job. Something's up right here. Look for King Velasquez to go down quick. He called it. Joey Karate called it. Could you imagine if it was a scam? If we found that fighters were letting dudes knock them out and shit like that?

Because they bet a fuckload of money on them. Is that possible? Yeah, I always think things like that. You don't think that they would get caught for doing something? I would never suggest that anybody's ever done that. But don't you think that if someone tried to do that? I don't believe that Cain Velasquez did that. I believe Cain Velasquez got hit with a fucking hard shot, man.

I don't think anybody who gets hit by that. That's just one of those things about the first few minutes of an MMA fight when a guy has, like, full steam 100%. Junior was just starting to settle in. He just walloped him, man. If he hits anybody with that shot, you're fucked, man. He clubbed him. That was a shocker.

It was a shocker. It was brilliant. I thought it would take a lot more to take King Velasquez out. I mean, he got to hit in that sweet spot, right on the top of the side of the head. Everybody goes down. Junior can fucking punch, man. He punches hard. And you know, when you see the impact, you know where it actually landed?

It actually landed bone to bone. It didn't land with the actual padding of the glove. Yeah, he gave him a super noogie. Big super noogie. Exactly. Yeah. Well, yeah. him a super noogie. Big super noogie. Exactly. Yeah, well, yeah. It's amazing that he didn't break his hand, you know, because I guess that can function as a knuckle,

but, God, it can't be as hard as the top knuckle. I mean, he blasted him, man. That was a crazy punch. It's crazy. So, overall, what do you think? What's the bottom line as far as how that the opening show with fox went down do you think do you think uh it was because it was good too it was like look now you could build this guy is like mike tyson yeah you know what i mean he just

goes out there and mike tyson's dudes it wasn't bad for mike tyson was it it's never bad when a guy can stop a guy that quick i don't think think it's ever bad. It wasn't the best demonstration of mixed martial arts in the sense that it didn't go back and forth. You didn't see a long fight where the momentum changed hands. Like Hendo and Shogun? Yeah, exactly.

But I think other than that, it was a great result. It was stunning. It was decisive. Junior dropped him, jumped all over him, battered him. There was no doubt about it. It was decisive. Junior dropped him, jumped all over him, battered him. There was no doubt about it. It was a perfect stoppage. I think that's good. A perfect stoppage is good. I think watching a guy take a guy out

legit in 64 seconds, and especially when you're taking a guy out like Cain Velasquez, holy shit, man. Goddamn, that's impressive. When you look at what we learned from the fight, like you said, we learned that, holy shit, Junior Dos Santos is like the Mike Tyson of MMA

now. He's knocking dudes with big block heads out in one punch. That's serious. He's got really good timing. I mean, he doesn't catch everybody in every fight. And then some dudes he couldn't put away. He couldn't put away Roy Nelson. Roy Nelson is a monster, man. Roy Nelson, god damn that guy.

He lost weight. Finally. Holy shit. He's going to lose more, too. Holy shit. He knows, man. Look, he's fucking good, dude. Roy Nelson actually said to me in the cage after the fight, you're always calling me fat.

I'm like, I got stuck there. I'm like, I didn't want to say. I didn't want to insult him, but I said, but it's because you are fat. And he calls himself fat. He comes out to that Michael Jackson fat song. I don't say it because I don't want to say. I didn't want to insult him, but I said, but it's because you are fat. And he calls himself fat. He comes out to that Michael Jackson fat song. I don't say it because I don't like him. I love that guy. I think he's talented as fuck.

I think it's amazing that he's able to do what he can do and be in the kind of physical condition that he's in. I mean, carrying around that extra weight, I know that he's strong and he's got good cardio. He's got good endurance for a big guy. But that can't be helping him. There's no way that helps him. He might go down to 170.

Can you imagine? You never know. I think he could go to 205, though. I think he could go to 205. Joe Riggs is 300. Yeah, but I think he's a bigger guy. Big country's a thick fucking guy. His head is big.

It's one of the reasons why he can take a shot so well. He's so sturdy. I don't see that guy going below 205. I think even 205 is going to be a struggle for him, even if he got down to a low body fat. He's a thick fucking dude. God damn that motherfucker can punch for a jiu-jitsu guy. Big Country's got a serious right hand.

The one he put Brendan Shaw about with, ba-blam. There's a lot of hardcore Roy Nelson fans that have always stuck up for his fatness, and now they're all pissed off. You know what I mean? I liked him when he was fat, man. There's gotta be a few of them. Yeah, a lot of fat guys do, man. I have fat friends that love it when Roy blasts somebody out.

Yeah, now they're like, shit, our hero. He sold out. He wants to beat the best guys. He could be like a, you know, no offense, but he could be like a butter bean of MMA, you know, or he could really go for it. You know, Roy Nelson, dude, has a chance against a lot of fucking people, man. And Roy Nelson, if he loses weight, has a chance of getting, the more weight he loses, the better condition he gets, the more people he's going to be able to beat. That guy's a beast, man. You see what he did to Crow Cop once he got his back?

Yep. He's a fucking beast, and he took some shots in that fight. Crow Cop hit him with some bombs, man. There's an animated gif of Crow Cop having him up against the fence, and he's covering up and rolling with punches, and Crow Cop is just blasting him, dude. Just full blast, because he knows that Roy's not following back and Roy just ate it all. He just ate it all. I mean, he can fucking take it, man. That guy's tough as

shit. I've known him for a long-ass time and I've always known him as a jiu-jitsu guy, so him becoming this badass striker is shocking. I've known him for a long time and he's always been really good with jiu-jitsu. I think he's just a badass, period. I mean, he might have this overweight body,

but that dude is underneath all that shit. He's like a super athlete that has a disadvantage, like a super athlete that wears a weight vest when he goes into a fight. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, do you know how badass he would be at 205? Holy shit. Yep. Now, what's up with that? fight you know what i mean yeah i mean you know how badass he would be at 205 holy shit yeah now what's up with that what was your thoughts on the henderson shogun fight there was the greatest

fight in the history of of fights the greatest yeah i think it was the greatest fight of all time yeah i do of all time yeah and it wasn't because both guys were in the best shape they could have possibly be in and it wasn't because you know it wasn't because they were at the top of their game it was because it was so fucking real it went back and forth and shogun came so close to getting stopped and dan henderson god damn can he punch hard he broke shogun's whole face dude shogun's whole face is fucked he might have to get his you know face put back together again you know it's got like orbital fractures and cheek fractures and shit and he gutted through that and then wind up taking henderson down i mean dude it was crazy i mean it wasn't the best

display of defense versus offense or two guys that you know in putting on like a you know a gsp anderson silva type performance but what it was was fucking as far as like matchups you couldn't get a tighter matchup it they were so close it ended just like rocky won yeah you know when rocky yeah basically beat his ass and and apollo creed got saved by the bell yeah and they were like yeah apollo thought you know yeah uh rocky won but you know he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't admit it. Well, Dana said that he thought that it was a draw. I honestly haven't watched it again.

There's a thing about when you're doing commentary. What I'm trying to do is I'm trying to be entertaining. I'm trying to explain what's happening. And you're not looking at it as very precisely and cleanly as if you were writing down things only. Remember when you used to judge? Eddie had a system and it was pretty smart. He broke down a piece of paper and then he would, you know, have one guy's name on one side, one guy's name on the other side,

and then you would break it down by strikes, takedowns. He had like all these different categories and you would check off each category. Yeah, I'd have like a shorthand method for different flurries and different punches. Man, you forget. By the end of the round, you will forget. You look back and I'm like, okay, in the beginning of the round he had a takedown. That's right. You forget certain shots.

Especially if something really big happens. Yeah. And then you get locked onto that for a second. Yeah, you can forget what happened in the beginning of that round. And then you put it all together and when it's close, I just look at them. Okay, he had two big right hands he had a five leg kicks he had a takedown hmm i'm gonna have some time to think about it i go and you could instead of thinking about it in your head and going back and forth you actually see what happened there's so many times where it's a

10-9 round where they just fucking flip a coin man it's like you know who the hell knows you know there's some 10-9 rounds that really should be draws, you know? There's got to be a difference between, you know, one of those rounds where nothing really happened, but dude landed three leg kicks and the other dude landed a good left hook to the body, and that's it? That's a 10-9 round. And then the last round of Henderson Shogun is a 10-9 round. And then the last round of Henderson-Shogun is a 10-9 round too? Like, they've got to give more 10-8s.

They've got to give more 10-10. They've got to. And I hear the commission is telling these judges to not give 10-10s and not give 10-8s. That's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. They should give more. I don't think people don't want to see draws.

They want to see a clear, decisive decision. But sometimes the correct answer is it's a draw. And you can't make a winner if you don't want to. You shouldn't. You shouldn't as a judge. I hope no commissions actually encourage them to do that because that seems like they're meddling with the results. That's what I read on the underground.

That might not be right. We should be careful before we say something like that. That's just a rumor that the commission is telling the judges. I think that's real. I hope that's not true. It seems like they're tampering with the results, saying that you have to pick a winner on one side or the other. There are times where you shouldn't pick a winner.

It's too close. It's going to be unfortunate. But there are fights that side or the other. There are times where you shouldn't pick a winner. You know, it's going to be unfortunate. Yeah. But there are fights that are draws, man. There are fights that are absolutely draws. Like a lot of people, the Frankie Edgar Gray Maynard, the second fight. You know, the crazy one. Yeah. The last one was crazy, too.

The third one was pretty fucking crazy, too. Yeah. But the second one, I mean, that's about as close to a draw as you can get right don't you think you know what I have to see it again I have to see it again too but I remember thinking like back and forth and what a first round for Gray Maynard and you know I mean Frankie Edgar was that

any three out of five judges could have easily stopped that fight you know if they're trigger happy if they'll stop fights early either either one of those knockdowns there's a few knockdowns where he went down where a care a judge who's like ultra careful would have stopped it or just like the shogun shogun could easily been stopped it felt like it was it should have been stopped like for a second but when you you can't really you can't really say that because the fight wasn't stopped

and it was let go and shogun did come back so that was great refereeing by josh rosenthal yeah he to me josh and and herb they're just the best the best they don't stop shit too early nothing pisses me off more than you know as far as a rough goes is stopping a goddamn fight too early shit yeah let's see a decisive you know i said that about rough goes is stopping a goddamn fight to early shit yeah let's see a decisive you know i said that about uh kong lee and vanderley silva i said i don't agree with that stoppage because kong lee was still holding on to a single and vanderley hit him with a couple of hammer fists but then you know when kong got up he didn't seem to complain and his nose was smashed you know and maybe the referee being closer to the action i had a better

idea of that kong was he was probably close to stopping it anyway. I thought the same thing. But I saw the hammer fist, and I was like, that's not enough, man. It's like the guy's still trying. Because, look, Shogun came back, and he was still trying. I like to see guys. Brock came back. Remember Brock came back.

Fights that could have easily been stopped. Yeah. Just, you know. I like to see guys come back. It's fun. I don't mean, you know, to be disrespectful to a referee when I say they shouldn't stop it. It's just an opinion thing.

You know, you don't have to agree with it. But I think you've got to give guys the opportunity to win. You've got to give guys the opportunity. If he's still fighting, you know, he wasn't covering up in a ball and in a fetal position eating shots. He was grabbing his leg. And he's very likely done. Very likely would have just taken even more unnecessary punishment.

But I think you've got to give him a chance, you know. Dudes can pull shit off, man. Dudes, you know. And Conley's a bad motherfucker. I'm not saying that he would have pulled it off, but it ain't a bad stoppage. It ain't a bad stoppage. It appeared to me as well, right, when he stopped. I'm like, oh, man, that was too quick.

But he didn't get up on his feet for a while. He stayed on his knees. It was a good stoppage. It was a good stoppage. But it was like a judgment call that he made over Kung trying. I think you're done. And he was right. He was right.

And maybe he would have been able to pull something off, but most likely not. Most likely he would have just taken more shots. And, you know, Vanderlei Silva was like vintage Vanderlei Silva in that fight, dude. When he got the clinch and was delivering those knees, damn, I was like, I remembered how awesome he was with knees in the Rampage fights in Pride. He's one of the best, man. When he gets that plum clinch on your neck, oh, my God.

He put so much into those knees i'm like i hadn't seen a guy knee somebody like vanderley did in a long time yeah it was like the last one was um who the fuck kill a b ben saunders yeah remember he fought some dude and gave him a vicious barrage of knees like that what dude was that I don't remember the dude he fought. A Hawaiian gentleman, I believe. Killer B, Ben Saunders. He's got some crazy rubber guard variation shit going on, right? Yeah, yeah. Did he invent some other technique where he had his arm through it?

Actually seen Tiago Tavares play rubber guard in that way. Yeah. But not successfully, but he tried it a few times in the UFC. but not successfully but he tried it a few times in the UFC but Killer B, Ben Saunders, he was able to use that control very effectively

against a high level Jiu Jitsu guy a black belt, I think he was a world champion as well and totally stuffed him and he did it over and over and over again throughout the fight I never play that style of rubber guard but eventually throughout the fight so it's i never play that style of rubber guard but um it's i got i mean

eventually i'll i'll uh dive into it it just feels kind of uncomfortable for me right now but it's uh it's it's looked awesome on the end ben always told me he said dude can't wait for you to see my rubber guard man i gotta kill the rubber guard he's been saying that for a couple years i just haven't seen it he hasn't really been in position. That's probably the number one hole if you got to pick, like, what's the most common hole that fighters have in their game in MMA? It's a guard, right? Wouldn't you say? Yes, absolutely.

Because there's some dudes, there's a few dudes that, you know, you go on the ground with them, like Vinny Magalhaes. You go on the ground with Vinny Magalhaes, you get in his guard, you're very likely to get fucked up. Yeah, he's at least going to make it so you can't dangerous yeah the rubber guard is is you know it's it's defensive uh powers are just i mean you can't if you if you're breaking your opponent down and you have them in mission control or invisible collar it's impossible for him to hurt you so you're fully clinched you knowched. And you wear them out trying to get out of it.

It's very hard to get out. It's a lot of effort. Yeah. It really comes down to MMA fighters have so much to do. They don't have time to develop some new game. Isn't that crazy? There's just so much to do because you've got to do your kickboxing, you've got to do your wrestling, and then you've got to do your jiu-jitsu, and then you've got to run, and then you've got to do your kickboxing you got to do your wrestling and then you got to do your jiu-jitsu and then you got to run and then you got to do your strength and conditioning

there's so much to do the only way you're gonna get better at anything anything in life is by drilling it putting numbers and massive numbers drill drill drill and you don't there's just there's just no time to drill new positions when you're an mma fighter you got so much to do you know what happens is in striking that's all they do is drill because you can't really spar 100 all the time so if you want to work on your striking you're going to be working on drills because you can't just go knocking out your your training partner so you're forced to draw all the time so you see these guys that are wrestlers them and within three years they're striking is tremendous something you have Frankie Edgar's like a professional kickboxer you're seeing

these guys Dominic Cruz because it's when they're working on the striking they have to work on their drills that's all there is when jiu-jitsu they look at a different at most MMA fighters will will though they'll just roll and work on their jiu-jitsu me that's it's more fun yeah they'll just roll and work on their jiu-jitsu because it's more fun yeah they'll just roll and because you have my role for people don't know i mean spar yeah it's bar it's it's so jiu-jitsu is the only sport that you could spar a hundred percent and and and and no one gets hurt really i mean and you're practicing tapping your opponent out a hundred percent you can act you can't do that with kickboxing. You just can't.

So what ends up happening in jujitsu, there's not that much drilling. There's not that much working on spending time, working on new techniques. It's just sparring with punches and sparring is very important. It's very, very, you got to do that. But you also to add weapons to your jujitsu, to just pile them on, to add different submissions, you have to set time aside to just drill. Put the numbers in to these submission holds that you want to add to your game. If you're not a guillotine master, it's not because the guillotine doesn't work. There's plenty of people out there that have proven the guillotine, you get really good at it,

man, it's a dangerous weapon. If your guillotine isn't good, you need to practice that over and over and over again, and no one does. In MMA, there's just not enough time to set 20 minutes aside every other day to work on new submission holds and to sharpen them up. So that's really the problem is there's just not enough time to practice new moves. Yeah, it's often for a fighter, it's maybe sometimes the best thing to come to MMA with is one thing where you're super awesome at it, whether it's judo or kickboxing, one thing

that you're already awesome at, and then sort of incorporate all the other stuff into it. Because it seems like it's real hard for a guy to be learning everything and be awesome at anything. It's real hard. It's real hard to reach a Damian Maia jiu-jitsu level when Damian Maia was just pure jiu-jitsu. To reach that level. It's so hard to be doing that while you're trying to be a great kickboxer and also trying to be a great wrestler. Whereas Damien is just concentrate only on positions and submissions and bang, bang, bang.

He's going through numbers on you, and you're adding in all this other stuff. And when you add in all the other stuff, you just don't have the time to put in the kind of focus that he has. It's almost like you're better off coming in in with one specialty yeah generally wrestling is probably the best although a lot of other sports do translate beautifully into mma grappling especially like if you played soccer your whole life man you're you're you're you can learn jujitsu really quick and excel really quick, and the same thing with striking.

If you play football your whole life, your explosiveness is at the highest levels. And capoeira and breakdancing, all that stuff translates. Because in breakdancing, the kind of stuff they're doing nowadays, it's just the amount of balance needed to pull these moves off is off the chart it's it's way more balance required than wrestling and wrestling you need a lot of balance and but in breakdancing you got to spin and flip and land on one head all this balance so when they when you teach them jujitsu it's they're like all i gotta do is stay on top and not get swept oh my god this is easy

yeah it's easy super balanced yeah bill cooper is a is a prime example of that bill cooper is one of the greatest american jiu-jitsu players and he's been a break dancer his whole life and you know it wasn't a shocker well it you know i didn't find out too recently but it's no surprise that he went out and just dominated the american scene in jiu-jitsu and he's doing mma now too and um uh there's a jiu-jitsu guy named cobrina who did capoeira which is like you know african or brazilian like dancing fighting type thing and they do all these crazy flips and he did capoeira his whole life he started jiu-jitsu in his early 20s and now he's amazing he's one of the the best jiu-jitsu guys on on the planet at his weight um

and he'll tell you that it's from the capoeira. Like, all that bouncy, such an amazing athlete that jiu-jitsu is easy to him, you know? It totally makes sense. You know, I would think that anybody who does gymnastics or... Yes, yes, that translates for sure. Totally translates. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Like, you know, I have a son coming, and he'll be coming in March. I'm going to get him into all that stuff. I'm going to try to get him into breakdancing, gymnastics, wrestling for sure. The other thing is when you can develop really high-level striking and then develop takedowns, that's the other terrifying fighter. Like the guys like Anderson.

You know, like in the Yushin Okami fight, he had some sick takedown defense. And then you're forced to stand up with him, and that's a goddamn disaster. That's the other style. And the only way you can get to be as good as Anderson is at striking is, I believe, you have to focus purely on striking for a long time. And Anderson was pretty much a Muay Thai fighter initially until I think it was really like the Noguera brothers before he really put his ground game together, right?

That's after, I mean, he had a little bit of a ground game from shoot box. You see a lot of guys out there, you see it in their career early, they were easy to take down, then they got a little harder. Now they're almost impossible to take down. they got a little harder now they're almost impossible to take down you see the progression you see the progression of the striking yeah you know you see

them getting a lot better i mean quick because all they do is drill like in wrestling those are just drills wrestling is just mostly drills you know can you imagine how how long it would take to get good at throwing combinations if you never drilled and you all you did was spar like you would never develop any kind of combos yeah you never it would be impossible all you did flow yeah it would just be really basic stuff it wouldn't be crisp the technique would be terrible if you think of like a one two left hook to the body that you practice over and over on the back to that bam how are you ever going to pull that off list randomly in real life you know you would you would even think like that yeah yeah you'd have to pull that off just randomly in real life? You wouldn't even think like that. You'd have to learn it first.

Learn it first, develop the movement, and then start doing it. It's the beauty of jiu-jitsu. Jiu-jitsu is so amazing and so awesome because you can spar 100% and no one gets hurt, and you're actually working on killing techniques and bone-breaking techniques. It's like paintball for hand-to-hand combat it's so much fun you can

actually spar you can't do that with any other uh as a combat sport but it's so cool and so awesome that people don't drill as much as they should especially in mma especially you don't you don't see fighters like oh early in his career he was good at these two submissions. And then in the middle of his career, he added these two. And then towards the end, he started hitting these and these. You never see that. You never see that. The only, you know, one guy that I did see evolve and add different submissions is Noguera.

Noguera in the beginning was the triangle king early in his career. He was like, man, this big dude has a great guard. He's triangling everybody. Then you didn't see triangles for a while. Then he started anaconda choking people and throwing some guillotines.

So you saw the, oh, damn, he's getting good at anaconda chokes now. You see that because... He hit some of the dopest anaconda chokes in MMA. That takes us right to

Bob Sapp, Noguera. How perfect was that? You got that queued up listen we're gonna play this fight we were eddie and i were talking about uh all-time great fights and we we played a kimbo slice versus tank abbott fight on my phone we weren't sure if they fought and we played it on my phone uh outside of legends in hollywood where we train and uh we were we were just doing commentary while it was going on. And we were like, damn, you know, this is a fight that we forgot even happened. You know, it's cool to watch like an old fight. So we're going to watch.

We haven't seen it. I haven't seen it in a long time. We're going to do our best impression of Beavis and Butthead watching a fight. It's an iconic fight. In MMA, this is one of the most iconic fights of all time. Minotaur Nogueira versus Bob Sapp. Bob Sapp was the biggest human being to ever walk the face of the most iconic fights of all time Minotaur Noguera versus Bob Sapp Bob Sapp was the biggest human being To ever walk the face of the earth

He doesn't even look real in this video He's like 350 pounds all muscle All muscle And he's fighting the Jiu Jitsu god Noguera Who's only here about 220 And right now he gets pile drived on his head First move And this big giant guy is on top of him

Punching him over and over and over again he's picking him up again trying to slam him down and no garum literally is maybe 150 pounds lighter than this dude i'll never forget this is one of those fights where i actually remember what i was thinking i remember what i was saying while i was watching it we were watching it at larry's house and i kept going at this point once he started getting pile-driven, I kept going. We were all just yelling and screaming during all of this, and I kept thinking. I kept saying, he's just too big. He's just too big.

There's no way he's going to pull this off. He's just way too fucking big. He can't do shit. It looks like a molestation. Oh, remember when the lights went out? The lights went out in the middle of the fight? They kept fighting, too. The bookies did that. Yeah. Cut the lights. when the lights went out? The lights went out in the middle of the fight? They kept fighting, too. The bookies did that.

Yeah. Cut the lights. Cut the light. That's hilarious. And so Minotauro at the time wasn't even the heavyweight champion yet, right? He was just coming up. I don't remember that. I don't remember if he was a champ or not.

I don't remember either. But Minotauro had a wicked triangle. He triangled everybody. He triangled Mark triangled mark coleman his guard was nasty back in the day he was like the first real heavyweight submission badass off his back yes he was the first guy to just put people to sleep he was my hero he was my hero like finally we have a big jujitsu guy who can finish people off his back we didn't have that that's so rare there was no

other brazilian out there all the legends that the none of them were known for finishing people off their back in mma in jiu-jitsu tournaments they'd be finishing off their back all the time sweeping but in mma they weren't doing it and nogara was the first one to consistently finish people off his back and now he's leg him. Now they stood up and he shoots on him. I mean, he is literally 150 pounds bigger. Bob Sapp is so big it doesn't even look real, man. He doesn't look anything like this anymore. I had no hope.

At this point, I go, he's done. He's about to get just smashed. I thought it was over. So now Bob Sapp is trying to get Noguera in a guillotine from half guard, but he doesn't know what he's doing. And he's playing around in Minotauro's guard, and he's getting tired now. The thing about a guy that big, there's no way his heart is proportionate to his body. His heart is like having a four-cylinder engine trying to push a semi.

There's too much mass. And he's getting crushed here. He's getting stomped on. Minotauro is on the bottom. There just seemed no hope at this point. Like, what is he going to be able to do? He hasn't been able to get close to doing anything. He can't even wrap his legs around his shoulders.

And Bob Sapp is so fucking strong. He landed a one-two. Minotauro is trying to box with him now. Now Bob Sapp throws a real slow kick. Now Minotauro tees off with a combination, now Bob Sapp throw throws a real slow kick now minotaur tees off of the combination and Bob Sapp pushes him Bob Sapp is so fucking big man god damn he looks fake to minotaur was thrown I forgot about that he was thrown down he said fuck it I'm gonna stand with this dude and just give it all I have that's what he did did. He's just going for it right here, man. Look at the size of Bob Sapp.

He looks fake, man. And him and Minotaur are boxing now. Football players aren't even that big. 350 all muscle. That's a cartoon, man. He really does look like a character in an animated TV show. He's trying to take down Bob Sapp. It's hilarious.

And Minotaur is trying to take him down. But he sits out. But he sits out. Look at that. Oh, that worked. Oh, my goodness. And now Minotaur is on top. And now he gets right to side control.

And this is it. Everybody was going crazy. We were screaming. This is amazing. He finally got on top of him. This is his only hope here. This is his only hope.. This is his only hope. And Bob Sapp turns over and puts Minotauro in his guard.

Minotauro, oh, he's throwing some crazy up kicks now. Minotauro passed his guard again. It looked like he landed a couple of those, too. Yeah, it looked like he did. Minotauro, the other thing about Minotauro is, god damn, he could take it. He could take it better than anybody, man. Yeah, Fedor pounded on him for yeah he could take it dude especially earlier in his career like these days you know these days when he was young dude we were

going nuts right here yeah going nuts like is he gonna be able to pull this off he's got to do it here like he had to do it here he knew knew it. He knew this is it. Oh What happened the referee is separating the action right now Bob stops got a little cut to cut to Some minotaur Gets to stand up and relax Well, they in Japan if you have a cut they stopped the action almost immediately and the doctors actually stopped the bleeding They stop the action almost immediately, and the doctors actually stop the bleeding. The doctors ringside actually will stop the bleeding and put towels on it.

And then they determine whether or not the guy can go back in. So for a fighter, sometimes it gives him a nice break. In America, they don't do this? Not like that. No, the doctors don't. The doctors don't clean it up and stop the bleeding. Doctors don't put coagulants on it or anything. Don't they? I don't know.

That's a good question. I think so. I mean, do they put coagulants on it in pride? They put them in the same... Do they put Vaseline on them or do they just wipe it off? So they put them back in the same spot where Minotauaur was in side control

minotaur's got a nice head and arm right here bob sap was exhausted by this point he's just it's so crazy how tired he gets because just you know he's just too big oh he reverses him. Bob Sapp reverses him. Oh, man, look at that. Into side control. Wow. That was awesome. It looked over at this point. It's like, okay, that was his chance.

He just blew it. He just blew it. Now it's over. This is an all-time classic fight, man. Bob Sapp's hitting him with some hammer fists. Bob Sapp's got his back. Oh, my goodness. Bob Sapp's trying to choke him.

Oh, my God, he hammer fists him. Oh my god, he hammer fisted him. Oh! Oh! He's getting beat down. Oh, Bobstap is gigantic. My god, he's strong. Oh shit! Oh my god!

Dude, he's like a fucking video game character. Look at him back then. Look at this. He's running and trying to stomp on him. Probably had some crazy rules, man. You're allowed to just jump on dudes you can jump on their head bride had some nutty rules man now right now he's on side control he's bob saps on top of him and minotaur again 150 pounds lighter than him and this the biggest human ever is underneath them and he's still hip escaping he's hip escaping

right now and bobsap punches him in the head and he gets to half guard i don't remember how he gets out of this oh my god he's getting blasted oh my god bob sat sap just hit him with two haymakers. Jesus. You look at his arms. How much must those punches hurt, man? Oh, my God. He dropped some hammer fists on his chest. At this point, Bob Sap seemed unstoppable. Oh, he goes for the armbar here. No, he went for a triangle. Wow, he used to go for a wrist control triangle, but he can't control that guy's wrist.

There's no way he could put a triangle on those shoulders. There's no way he could fit it, right? Impossible. Really, right? No way. Look at those shoulders, dude. That's crazy. There's no way he could put a triangle on those shoulders. There's no way he could fit it, right? Impossible. Really, right? No way. Look at those shoulders, dude. That's crazy. He's so big.

He's so big. It's crazy how he just faded into obscurity. Well, I don't think... You would think he'd be dominating. I don't think he could keep up this level of supplementation for very long. He did great in K-1 for a second there. Yeah, he did. He beat Ernesto Hoos twice, bro.

Oh! Oh, he's down again. did. He beat Ernesto Hoos twice, bro. Oh! Oh, he's down again! Yo, he stopped Ernesto Hoos. Think about that shit. Ernesto Hoos, one of the greatest kickboxers ever. And Bob Sapp just kind of beast-fucked him. You know? Weren't there rumors that that was fixed?

I don't know. I didn't hear that rumor. If that is, if they did an amazing job making it look real. I've seen some fights that are for sure fixed. Oh yeah, Mark Coleman Takata? Yeah, I didn't want to say that. Oh! Nice right hand. They're throwing down.

This is so crazy. It just does not look like it should be happening. That a guy that big should be fighting against a guy that much smaller than him. This is the cool thing about Pride, though. They would put on these freak show fights like this, and it would be really interesting to see. Remember when Fedor fought that huge dude? What the hell is his name?

Hung Man Choi? Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, look at that. Oh, he's got a triangle. He's trying to get a triangle. No way. He that? Yep. Oh, my God. Oh, look at that. Oh, he's got a triangle. He's trying to get a triangle.

No way. He's going to pick his ass up and slam. Look at that. Wow. He picked him up and slammed him. He was ferocious in this fight, Bob Sapp. Oh, my God, he was. He's yelling at him now like Nick Diaz.

This is when Bob Sapp was the shit, man. This is before Bob Sapp had, you know, got his eye socket broken by Crow Cop. And, you know, back then he was looking to crush everybody, man. Everybody was scared of Bob Sapp. Shit. Oh, dude. Bob Sapp just punched him with a serious fucking right hand. And now Minotaur is really trying to get him down.

And if he gets him down, then Bob Sapp is fucked. Nope. Minotaur is still on the bottom. Minotaur is bleeding now. He's checking his face. Got a big ass cut on his cheek. Bob Sapp is over him. God damn how big he is. It doesn't look real, right? He really doesn't look like a human being. He looks like an animated character in a Hobbit movie. And now Minotaur is going for a leg lock here. Minotaur is going for a leg lock here.

That's a good idea against big guys. Because generally they're not very good at defending leg locks. That's a Minowaw man. He gets everybody where he looks. And Minotaur is now on his back and bob saps on top of him minotaur is trying to hold on to a wrist he's got two wrists here oh what the fuck what we'll go there's gotta be a part two there must be a part two dude the tension is killing me that's an all-time classic an all-time classic for people who don't know that was like

it was almost like it always been the question like how big could a guy be in your jiu-jitsu still works you know there's always those questions and some guys would say no he's too big you can't even use jiu-jitsu on him you can't use it he can't you can't submit him and that was a you know what a lot of people were thinking about Bob Sapp. Like, man, how would you submit this guy? Look at the size of him. But look at him breathe, man. He's hyperventilating right there.

Yeah. He's panicking. He needs to learn some of that Steve Maxwell breathing. Got to control your breath, son. Now they're checking Minotauro's face because he's got a cut. In the Japanese shows, the doctors would actually stop the bleeding like this. And now they're checking

his eyes too to make sure he can still see. Yeah, they put some coagulant on it, it looks like. Yeah, Minotaur. I forgot he took so much damage. Did you remember he took so much damage? I remembered it as being a shorter fight. Yeah, me too.

Me too. I didn't realize he was getting his ass kicked several times in the fight. Well, it's also one of the things that was kind of wild about Pride was that 10 minute first round. That 10 minute first round was a motherfucker, man. 10 minutes is crazy. 10 minutes is nuts. And what else Pride did, one other thing Pride did that I really like, is that they judged the fight as a whole. So the last part of the fight was like very important.

Who was winning at the end was very important. Like how did it turn out? Well, if it turns out at the end, you're kicking that person's ass. Really, if, you know, if you walked up on a street fight and at the end of it, the guy was on top and punching the guy in the face, that guy's the winner, you know? And he's getting his ass kicked again. He's just dead. Oh, big shock. He's getting hammer-fisted by this enormous human being.

Oh, he's getting killed. You gotta see this, folks. Even if you're not a jiu-jitsu he's getting killed you gotta see this folks even if you're not a jujitsu or an mma fan just see this for the human spectacle of it because it's so ridiculous the round ended i didn't even know the round ended yeah so this is the second round yeah wow it ends early in the second round and he goes back and look at that he's with mario fucking sperry dude this is classic stuff that was this new boy he was bringing up god damn he got dropped on his head dude remember when gilbert ivo got knocked out but or gilbert

ivo knocked out gary goodridge yes he laid him out with that head kick laid him out he was asleep for like five minutes when he woke up this, this was an, I worked that pride. When he woke up, he, this is what he told me. He thought, because he's from Canada, he thought when he was standing there with all the people on the music, he thought he was at a rave in Toronto for an hour. He thought he was at a rave.

And his sister, which was, Gary Gettner's sister is always with him. I got his fights. He thought that was just some chick that he picked up at a rave and his sister which was Gary Gettys' sister is always with him at his fights he thought that was just some chick that he picked up at a rave in Toronto for an hour

he didn't even know it was his sister he didn't know he didn't know he was in Japan he thought he was just fucked up on drugs he thought it was

just gone oh my god that's another classic fight that lasts here we go round two this is the replay

oh shit okay there's the pile drive bam oh my god Another classic fight that lasts. Here we go. Round two. This is the replay. Oh, shit. Okay. There's the pile drive. Bam. Oh, my God. That hurt his neck, and it bothered him for years. Yeah. That's what I heard.

Did he ever get it fixed? That's a good question. I think so. This fight might have ruined him, right? Man. You know, who knows how good he could have been if he didn't take the damage he took these donkey kong shots he connected five or six straight hammer fist after hammer fist do you think that this fight like the kind of beating that he took in this fight i mean you can only

take so many of these beatings but this is a long time ago and he seems to be um okay now he seems to be well at the time he was like jiu jitsu savior yeah you know he was my biggest hero yeah i remember you used to get so fired up when this dude would fight yeah i was like finally a dude who can finish people off his back i'm a big fan of that you know that oh and he tags Bob Sapp right in the beginning of the second round. He's in way better shape going into the second round. And now he's moving around and boxing.

Oh, shit. He's throwing down, dude. Oh, he just got hit with a left. And while we're watching this, I mean, the crazy thing is the Japanese fans, they hardly even cheer. It's like real quiet and respectful. They have such a different way of appreciating fighting, you know? They're a lot louder now.

Are they now? Yeah. They're becoming Americanized? Yeah. They're figuring, okay, it's the Americans who do it. We ruined another culture. We ruined their martial arts culture they're yelling that shit they don't even know what it means kick his ass see bass I don't that shit out and have no idea what it is

sort of like white guys with Japanese tattoos yeah stand them up, ref! I don't even know what it means. That's hilarious. They've been a couple UFCs. I wish I had gone to the glory days of Pride. That's one of the things that I wish I saw. You got to, you were there. You did commentary for the glory days, man. Yep, Pride 10.

Yeah, dude, who was the first card you did commentary with? Who was fighting? Ooh, shit, That was Pride 10. That was Vanderlei Silva against Guy Mazger. Great fight. What a fight. Henzo Sakuraba. Remember that?

Yeah, Henzo Sakuraba. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this. He's locking it up in the arm bar. Boom. He got slammed. He got slammed, but Bob Sapp's getting tired.

He's locking up a triangle. No way. He can't lock up the triangle. No way. Too greasy. He can't lock it up. He can't lock it up. He's going to have to switch. He's going to switch triangle. No way. He can't lock up the triangle. No way. Too greasy. He can't lock it up. He can't lock it up. He's going to have to switch.

He's going to switch to the armbar. Oh, look at this. Oh, what did he do? Oh, wow. Guy's too big. Who has more heart than Noguera? No one. No one ever.

Oh, this is what he get. He got him from this. The peek out. Yeah. Remember? He reversed him this way. He did it before. Early in the fight.

It worked. He peeked out. But he's he did it before early in the fight it worked he peaked out but he's tried it a couple times since and hasn't worked i think i think that's how he gets him and now he's on his back bob's house getting tired oh my god he's so big so ridiculous and no gara's going for kim here. I don't remember this. I don't remember this at all. Do you remember this? I said, Kimura, this big dude, really? Oh, that's right. He mounts him from here, remember?

He rolls him over with his Kimura. He throws his left leg over the top. That's how he gets him, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sweeps him with this. Yep, yep, yep, he sweeps him with this Yup, yup, yup, yup Oh, oh, oh, oh man Oh my god, yes

You couldn't even put that in a movie Oh my god, he sweeps him And Bob Sapp pushed him right off Oh my god, he swept him for one second Oh, but now he's got his arm His right arm is in deep His right arm is in deep If he can hold his wrist there.

His right arm is deep across. He's going to do it. Oh, he's trying to triangle again. He's going to try to triangle to the other side. Oh, my God. Wow. He's holding on to that wrist, though. It's amazing that Bob Sapp still has gas, right?

It is amazing. But this is where he got him. Now he peaked out. He's on top. Now, yeah, now. Now he's in side control. Oh, my God. And Bob Sapp can't breathe.

He can't breathe. And now he's getting pounded on. And Noguera's punching him in the face. He's going to take that left arm. This is incredible. At the time, this was King Kong versus Godzilla, man. This was... Oh, my God.

Then he sits back for the armbar. Everyone's going nuts at Larry's house right now. We were losing our minds. Oh, my God. We were screaming. Oh, man. He gets it. He taps.

Dude, right there, everybody was going apeshit. This was just a victory for technique. A victory for jiu-jitsu. That was a pure jiu-jitsu. And Noguera. Noguera was the perfect vehicle because he was so tough. Dude, that was the greatest fight of all time. That's the greatest.

I think it's got to be right up there. It's got to be right up there. First of all, the sheer fucking beating he went through, man. Getting dumped on his head like that by that 350, 370 pound guy smashes him down on his head like that just to get through that, man.

How'd that not put him out? All those hammer fists he got hit with. about we were gonna put him in that fuck bed uh a sketch we wrote for the man show remember that he agreed to do it too that's right what was what we're gonna say the sketch was the the it was a commercial parody called the fuck bed and the commercial starts it was like a really sturdy bed yeah a guy's banging some chick. This is a commercial, sorry. A guy's banging a chick. The bed falls apart,

and it breaks, and she goes, you're a fucking asshole, and grabs her shit and leaves, and he looks at the camera, and he's like, oh, fuck! You know, his bed broke.

So then you come on, he goes, if this ever happened to you, and then it's a fuck bed that's built with, for the frame, it's like steel gurneys, and the headboard was like

tatami mats and shit. And we're going to test it. You were going to be like in those white coats testing it with a clipboard. A lab coat. A lab coat, there you go. And Bob Sapp was going to be

fucking blow up dolls. Testing the bed by fucking, and then they'd be constantly blowing up and dudes giving them new blow up dolls. Bring me more. More. Yeah, and Bob Sapp was totally down to do it yeah damn how the fuck that was another good bit that got kiboshed at the higher levels yeah there was nobody like bob sap bob sap in his prime like that back in that fight that was was a character in a movie, man. He was a character in a movie. He beat Ernesto Hoos twice.

I mean, you can take, you know, say, oh, he was so big and he was so much bigger. That is true. That is true. That is true. However, it's Ernesto Hoos. And Ernesto Hoos dropped him. Ernesto Hoos dropped him with a fucking leg kick. He dropped him once, I think, with a leg kick and once with a

body shot. So it wasn't like he didn't sustain damage. He had to pull himself out of the fire to beat that guy. He would have been perfect for WWE, right? Fuck yeah. Come on, Bob Sapp. Vince McMahon is not doing his homework. Well, I just don't know how long you can stay that big. You can't just stay that big forever.

The Rock has. No one's that big, man. No one's that big. Come on. No one's ever stayed that big man no one's that big come on no one's ever no one's ever stayed that big he wasn't that tall he was six four and just wide as hell giant 350 all muscle holy shit i've never seen a human being in life that was real that looked like bob sap never there was nobody like him yeah just his sheer Like, you couldn't reach him. He could put his arms out and just block everything. He just had so much mass.

And he got so famous in Japan. He was like Michael Jackson famous. He couldn't go anywhere. When he'd go to Japan, he would never leave his hotel room because he sticks out like a sore thumb. Yeah, he would get mobbed left and right. He was a huge, huge star in Japan. But apparently, as time went on, they started having disagreements about you know financial issues and I don't know what happened but he walked out on a show they were trying to get him to fight without a

contract or something like that and he said no I want my contract first and then I'll fight and they said no after the fight we'll give you your contract it was like what fuck this I'm leaving and so he left and then he was in trouble for a long time and that was sort of the last, you know, the last of the big hurrah of Bob Sapp in Japan. He's still fighting now. I don't know where he's fighting, though.

But, you know, in Japan, that run that he had when he was a huge national superstar, you know, he would sing songs and shit. Remember he had like an album. Remember the commercial he did with the bananas? Oh, my God. Dude, that was crazy japanese are racist oh my god not all of them i take that back they don't they don't understand some of the racist stuff that uh um things that we would

think are racist like bob sap did a banana commercial or something. Well, I think, yeah, I think, you know, it's okay in their culture. It's okay to, like, make a big black guy eat bananas. Because they don't have that many big black guys over there. So when you have one for them, they don't register how fucked up it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think also Japanese are, like, they like, they're really Japan-centric. Japanese people really, you know what I'm saying?

They really focus on other Japanese people. I wouldn't say they're racist. No, no. They have a lot of unity amongst Japan. I take that back. I didn't mean they're racist. I meant, well, that commercial that they put Bob Sapp in eating those bananas, in America, that would have been...

But just think of all the other freaky shit they do. Think about, like, the little girls' underwears, or not little girls, but chicks' underwears, rather, that you can buy in dispensers, you know, right next to a Coke machine. And they're into some different next-level shit. They're obsessed with little schoolgirls and their outfits. Yeah, man. I mean, they're different,

you know, so who's to say? I love them, man. I mean, and maybe they're right. Maybe it is funny to watch Bob Sapp eat a bunch of bananas.

You know? Go ahead. You know, but whatever it is, he was, at one point in time, he was one of the fucking biggest stars

in the country. One day, we'll see pictures of Bob Sapp skinny. You think so? Like 190. Yeah. You can't keep that shit up. You ever looked at pictures of Dorian Yates now? You know who Dorian Yates is?

Black guy? No, no. Dorian Yates. Yeah, he was the English guy who was the Mr. Olympia. One of the thickest guys of all time, dude. And he's really skinny now? Yeah, now he's like... Bust it out on the internet. Look for a One of the thickest guys of all time, dude. And he's really skinny now? Yeah, now he's like... Bust it out on the internet.

Look for a picture if you can find it. Dorian Yates. I mean, he was just immense at one point in time. And now he's skinny? Yeah, now he's normal sized. And you don't see any pictures of him now with his shirt off. I think some of these dudes, when they retire, they just don't even lift weights anymore.

They're like, fuck this. I'm done. And good luck getting your balls to work, right? Good luck. Good luck. Good luck. What did you do? You jacked him to 10.

See, this is him when he was in his prime. We're looking at pictures when he was in his prime. I mean, he was fucking immense, man. That's not even him at his biggest. But look how fucking big he is, man. There was him when he got even bigger. Because these guys, they have to keep getting bigger every year. Everybody else gets bigger and they get more defined.

And, you know, guys take things to the next level. It's like this right now is sort of not that big in comparison to how guys look today. You know, this is not that long ago either. And then Lee Haney came after him, right? Was it Dorian Yates and then Lee Haney? Is that what it was? Or am I getting it confused? Lee Haney's a black guy?

Yeah, look at that picture right there. Click on that. Click on that one. No, no, no, the one that you just had up here. That's creepy. Click on that. Click on that. Look at the fucking size of him, dude.

Jesus Christ. There's a picture of him, dude. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. There's a picture of him with his little Speedos holding another guy with his little Speedos. They're holding hands. And he is so fucking enormous. This was when he was at his peak. He was probably 300 fucking pounds of muscle here, man. That's ridiculous.

I wonder how much he actually weighed. Is there a picture of him? But there's a picture of him today Look up Dorian Yates today Brian stop doing that He gained me out man He's bouncing Bouncing them up and down

Their little bikinis on So Eddie I haven't had a chance to talk to you About this This Occupy Wall Street situation I'm gonna take a piss Cause I have to Okay

So have a little chit chat with brian for the next 30 seconds and we come back i want to know what you feel about this operation wall street occupy wall street shit okay is this him today right here um well no that can't be him today that's crazy imagine if you just look down and saw that it's crazy so how's the comedy going uh i have been so busy i haven't been writing so you still go up but i go up yeah every week twice a week just keep going up yeah you know it's crazy because uh the practice you know steve ren is easy uh he did a spider-man joke and which is one of my bits uh almost like i'm talking about coming in a hotel room and throwing it on

he said the window but i say the walls but uh and going spider-man so it's so weird that as a comic you see that other side of where you write something and then you're like oh yeah you know but it's weird who did it first oh. Who did it first? Oh, I did it first, but I didn't create Spider-Man as in throwing cum. I've heard Patrice O'Neill say it before. Well, now I've seen it. So someone else has used it? Yeah, I think when I was a kid, I used to call it. All of my friends would call it Spider-Man-ing.

So I don't think it was something like somebody just like in 1997, I created Spider-Man. I think that's just like an old term or maybe an old slang from the 80s. But yeah, it's weird seeing that. It does make you just want to write more jokes and so it doesn't really matter.

But it's just weird seeing it. Because then, anyone that saw that show will know that joke already. And then it sounds like I took it from the show. That's so weird. What are you talking about? I missed it. Spider-Man, you know that Spider already. And then it sounds like I took it from the show. That's so weird. What are you talking about? I missed it. Spider-Man, you know, like that Spider-Man joke?

They had it on the league the other day. Yeah, and you know what? Apparently, Patrice O'Neill had been doing that before that. Yeah, that's what I was just saying. Spider-Manning is actually a term. So it's like saying a blowjob joke, but the idea of doing it in a hotel room and throwing it on the wall, that's kind of weird.

Well, son, sometimes you just got to gotta let shit go have you had that happen like just like like jokes being on tv and then you're like i don't feel like even doing that joke now because it feels like i'm copying it off the league yeah sure yeah if you you come to the same especially if it's a quick one-liner right like an obvious one-liner you know it's easily it's easy to for that to happen or and also you know for a lot of comics, this unfortunately does happen, where like writers of TV shows will go to see stand-ups and they'll take a bit and they'll turn that bit into a TV show. Yeah, it seems like that happens a lot for like Saturday Night Live and shit like that.

I always hear comics talking about that. Well, because people are desperate. They're desperate and they want to keep their job. And a lot of these writers, same thing, They're desperate and they want to keep their job. Yeah, I've had a couple friends that got ripped off. Kevin James was the funniest one, man. Kevin James went to, he had a big development deal with NBC. And when they have a big development deal, they'll do shows and he'll do stand-up

in front of all these different writers and all these different producers. And they all tried to figure out what sort of a vehicle to develop with him. So he does this show and a year and a half later, one of his bits is on Seinfeld. Yeah. And somebody, I mean, it's the fucking,

the taglines are the same. I mean, it was ridiculous. And that just kills the bit. It killed his bit. He had to drop the bit. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know that the guy saw him, but I don't think it's that coincidental

that here's this really hilarious comedian who has this bit about muffins, about muffin tops. You only like the top of the muffin. He had this whole detailed bit about it. I'd known Kevin for years by then. It was one of his strongest bits. And then all of a sudden, he does it on top of

these guys, in front of these guys, and somebody takes it and yanks it for a TV show. I don't know if that actually happened for a fact, but it certainly seems like it happened. Yeah, it seems like it would be... That's what a lot of people probably do. Yeah, guys yank. There's guys yanking ideas, and then there's just parallel

thought, which have parallel thinking. It's common. So common. You you know especially in this day and age you know with we all have this sort of the same access to information you know with Google and with the internet Twitter and shed when we have way more access to information than ever before so it's really for someone to come to a similar conclusion to you is even more likely today i think than ever before right what do you think well i mean in some ways but like with like with my instance it's like all right just having a crazy term like spider-manning and then coming

and throwing your cum like on a wall or stuff like that which in on the league it was the window not really though dude because dudes are disgusting okay when dudes, you would think that flinging your loads like Spider-Man and making that thing, you think you're the first person to think that out? No, no, no. I'm not saying that I'm the first person to think that, but the joke of being in a hotel room and just doing anything in a hotel room and throwing it on the walls and Spider-Man-ing on the walls. Quite honestly, and not meaning to be rude.

I don't even care. I'm just saying that the problem is my joke is out. I've heard a lot of comics talk about doing things in hotel rooms. I've heard a lot of comics talk about wrecking hotel rooms. Right, but doing Spider-Man-ing on a hotel room. It just seems kind of weird, especially since... Yeah, I know what you're saying, but it's one of those things they could have, you know, you never know. They could have seen you do it, or they could have heard you do it, rather, or they could have just come up with it on their own.

Right. Because you came up with it. Right. It's all. The idea in the hotel room, yeah. It's all disgusting anyway, and stop throwing your loads around, you fucking freak. Maybe Renazizi's been hanging out with Carlos Mencia. No, Steve is a good guy.

Steve Renazizi is the best. He's aces. He's good people. I saw him on that one show. I'm like, oh shit, he's blowing up. What was that show he's on? The League. He's a good dude. Steve Renaziz is a funny guy.

He's an old school comedy star. Old school. He was one of the guys on the clip, that video clip with Mencia. He was one of the few guys that stood up to Mencia back then and told him you steal jokes.

Remember? We used to go to the comedy store every goddamn weekend. Yeah, pretty much. Every weekend. We were at the comedy store for years.

For years. Shit. Yeah, I developed my whole act there. The whole thing. I didn't even realize how hostile my act was until I stopped performing there. I didn't even realize I brought my whole act there. The whole thing. I didn't realize how hostile my act was until I stopped performing there. I didn't even realize.

I brought my act to the improv and I was like, man, why am I so angry? It's like, you know, the comedy store just makes you more angry. Yeah. Man. That's a haunted spot. There's a lot of angry people there, you know. We saw so much crazy shit on that street, man. Saw so much crazy shit.

I saw a dude get knocked the fuck out. There's nothing more terrifying than watching a guy involved in a street fight where you know he has absolutely no idea how to defend himself. This poor guy, I don't want to say poor guy because he seemed like he was kind of a douchebag. Do you remember that? I remember that. This guy was yelling at some other guy, and we didn't see the knockout we just saw him flailing like spastically i remember he he didn't even have his hands clenched in a fist

he was just swinging and like literally closing his eyes and then a bus moved in front of him and passed and then when we saw the space, he was flat unconscious, out cold. So we don't know exactly what knocked him out. But watching this poor guy like a deer in the headlights just flailing for his life was really terrifying, man. I remember thinking watching this guy do that, like, holy shit, this poor guy. He doesn't know how to defend himself at all. And somehow or another, he's in a fight.

And he's just spazzing. He wasn't even thinking about what he was trying to do. He was just closing his eyes and flailing his arms. And somebody knocked him the fuck out. How about when David Lee Roth came by and checked you out at the comic store? That was fun. He, like, loved you. Nobody liked talking about the good old days more than

David Lee Roth. He had some great stories. He loved talking about the old days. He loved it. And I loved hearing it. It was amazing stories of how he managed all the groupies back in the day. He had the greatest ideas.

This is what he did. I don't think you're supposed to tell. I don't think he wanted people to know this stuff. No? Yeah, because remember he had a guy who got in contact with Red Band after it was over. Because we had video of this. And he's like, I just want to make sure that none of that video gets out. Remember that? It was a long time ago.

Yeah, I know it was. But you know what? Maybe it's David Lee Roth's just a loose cannon. And this dude is like his manager that thinks for him. I don't remember that. I don't remember. I just remember the awesome stories. But I wouldn't want to disrespect him.

If that guy called, he might have called because of David Lee Roth, so I don't want to tell any of his stories. You would remember. I'm pretty sure that was the case. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. Let's just say that David Lee Roth was a bad motherfucker. Holy shit.

No one was more of a rock star than that guy. And he entertained me and Eddie for shit. He sat down and talked to us for over an hour telling just crazy stories of the road and crazy stories of performing. And, you know, it was awesome. It was awesome. That was one of the coolest, like, celebrity meetings ever. He was so cool. He was just hanging out, man.

He was just hanging out at the comedy store with his buddy. They just came to watch some comedy. And, man, when I tell you it wasn't even half full, it wasn't even half full. It was a tiny-ass little crowd. Right? It wasn't like a big place. And he was just chilling. Yeah.

And he just hangs out like a regular dude, man. He had some great fucking stories of the old days, man. Dude, who would go on stage with a bottle of Jack? You know what I mean? That's classic shit. For me, it was so surreal because when I was in high school, my sister's boyfriend had Van Halen

was his license plate. They were dedicated to Van Halen. Everyone in my high school was like dedicated to Van Halen. My brother, that was his favorite band. Like my band was Kiss and his band was Van Halen. And he would, you know,

we would like battle like who would come out with the best sound. And when Van Halen started fucking crushing and getting just powerful, Kiss started turning disco, and it was like, fuck! Man, it's amazing how Van Halen changed. They went from being this really fucking badass, wild band, to Sammy Hagar. No, Sammy Hagar, man. That's a different fucking Van Halen.

A completely different sound. Yeah, yeah. Like, it was totally, and super successful. Even more successful than the old Van Halen. Did you know that? Probably, by this time. I think it was. I think the Sammy Hagar Van Halen.

That is more successful. I don't know. Maybe now over time, if you put it all together. I might be talking out of my ass, but I think someone said that. But I think their fifth album was their last album with David Lee Roth. It was 1984. And when that came out, and Jump was their first single, and they shot that video for like $600.

That was the story. And it was a real low-budget video, but the whole song was just really, really – I mean, I never liked that song, Jump. It was like a keyboard song, but really cheesy, like Yamaha DX7 old school. And like, what happened? Like, he just came on and said – because Eddie Van Halen was a guitar god. Everybody worshipped him. And here he comes out playing keyboards, he just came on and said, because Eddie Van Halen was a guitar god. Everybody worshipped him. And here he comes out playing keyboards.

And that just freaked everybody out. We weren't ready for synth like that in the early 80s. Rock bands weren't doing that shit. Unless it was like evil Mr. Crowley, like Ozzy. They weren't putting in. It took a big fucking chance. And they blew the fuck up. Yeah, that was a huge hit.

Massive. And then Panama was huge. Panama was the shit. a big fucking chance and they blew the fuck up yeah that was a huge hit massive and then panama was huge panama was the shit that was a good fucking song that was like hot for teacher summer party song hot for teacher teacher so dude panama was the summer party song yeah that was when i was in those i was like in high school. Yeah. Dude. Classic shit. Yeah. Classic shit. Eddie Van Halen shredded. He changed the face of guitar playing. He just by himself. He just came out and just... The first album when he did that song, Eruption, it's just a guitar solo.

The first album was the second song. They opened up with Running With The Devil. And then they just... Before You Really Got Me, they just gave Eddie Van Halen just two minutes. The second song. He's just shredding. It's an all-time classic eruption. Could you imagine? It's fucking amazing.

Could you imagine if TMZ was around during David Lee Ross' heyday? Can you imagine how many fucking videos they would have had of him hammered, coming out of clubs? That would have been great shit that we missed. That would have been classic, fun stuff. Because every time David Lee Roth, you put a camera in front of his face and he knew what to say. He would just, you know. He was smart.

He had sayings. Yeah. You know how they say. You got the voice down. I could do it a little bit. More, more, more. I can't. I need to hear him.

If I heard him, I could do it. He had great quotes, man. Yeah. He was real good at that. He was real good at like. I thought he was going to make it as a radio dj when they had him replace howard stern when howard stern went to uh satellite i was like wow what a bold move fucking david lee roth but i thought about i was like he's such a bad motherfucker who wouldn't want to talk to him yeah you know like let him go like what david lee roth should do is just do a fucking podcast

that that's what he should do. You know, David Lee Roth podcast would be the shit. Him and Joey. Dude, are you kidding me? Joey. Dude, David Lee Roth should have an awesome fucking podcast. You know, he's a fun dude to talk to, man. Sign him, Red Band.

No, I don't think he does. You check on iTunes, the David Lee Roth podcast. Are people coming to you for podcasts now? And you're like, I don't think he does. You check on iTunes, the David Lee Roth podcast. Are people coming to you for podcasts now? I don't have time. They call him the pod master. The pod father. Do you have to turn people down? The pod master.

Yeah, I do. Really? Yeah. Well, I'm the only one doing everything, so it's really hard. Well, he's blowing the fuck up, son. That's just how it is. That's a good thing. We do.

The Ice House Chronicles is on his label now. It's on the Death Squad label. The Ice House Chronicles is the one we do from here where all the stand-ups that do the Ice House, they come over. We got a show tonight, folks, too, and it's not quite sold out. If you want to jump on this shit,

it's Bill Burr, Joey Diaz, Tom Segura, Brian... No, not Tom Segura. Tom Segura's not going to be in it? No, no. It's Steve-O. Steve-O. No Tom Segura. No, that's Friday. No Tom Segura. No, not Tom Segura. Tom Segura's not going to be in it? No, no. Steve-O. Steve-O. No Tom Segura.

No, that's Friday. No Tom Segura. Friday. Tom Segura Friday. Steve-O. Who else? Brendan Walsh. Brendan Walsh.

God damn, that's a fucking show. God damn, that's a show, ladies and gentlemen, for 15 bucks. Can you imagine Jamie Walsh doing stand-up? I could. Hey, Mike. Mike. All of a sudden, you know, he wants to fight, and I'm like, let me take my pants off. We can't talk about that. Mate, all of a sudden, you know, he wants to fight. And I'm like, let me take my pants off.

We can't talk about that. That was a great story. You got to remind me of a story we can't tell. Because I don't remember all the details. We can't tell without his permission. I didn't want to ruin my pants. This motherfucker thinks he can wrestle me. This motherfucker got naked. He got naked?

Why did he get naked? This motherfucker got naked and pulled God on me. It's a long story. We can't talk about it. He got naked and pulled God on you? This guy's insane. Did you guys call a fucking psychiatric ward? What happened? Well, I took off my

pants first. Wait a minute. Why? I didn't want to ruin my pants, but I had underwear on. And then he took off his pants and underwear. And he fucking pulled God on me, mate. So I'm like, oh, I see what happened. The guy thought he was going to get some booty. No, the guy's like, you know what? You think you're taking your pants off?

Check this out. Naked motherfucker. Maybe. It could be that, too. I think it was just showing him up. There might be some gay shit there, too. We can't discount the possibility of gay in that scenario. That seems like a guy was just hoping everything would go right.

And then he started crying? Come on. Was this in the mean streets? He was crying. Was this in an alley somewhere? No, it was in a Vegas hotel room. Oh. Imagine if there was a clock somewhere that had accidental gay acts.

It just showed the number like the national debt, and you could just see all the accidental gay acts all day. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Like Brian Callen's story and the accidental gay act. Just a clock. The universe recognizes when someone fucked up. Oh, Jesus. Oh, what have you done?

That's a guy. We've got to get Brian Brian count to do his Brazilian again cuz he was the original Brazilian master you know Brian talent is he does a perfect Henzo Gracie Brazilian that's what he does he'd like talks like Henzo do you have maybe pull up my car I don't think it's on there. Yeah, it's on YouTube. Yeah, it is on YouTube. BJJ Instructor Gay Porn. Yeah. Something like that. This is old school.

This is before you worked. We were at the UFC. I didn't work for the UFC. It was before. Yeah. Because when Zufa first bought the UFC, we were like, holy shit. You were the only celebrity that liked it, so they gave you great seats. So the first three or four UFCs, we were sitting ringside enjoying it. And they'd come up to you and get a quote. we were sitting here with joe rogan what do you think

about the fights and then you would say something cool i think it's like human chess but instead you know you would say something cool and then they would use that sound bite in commercials and then everyone loved this every you always had a great sound bite you know a great analogy about the sport if boxing is this this is the you know and then dana said dude you want to do some commentary and you were like yeah you did commentary and i'm like sitting there by myself oh it sucks remember yeah that became the problem that became a problem so you you were like damn it sucks working by myself maybe i could get you a job i don't see that video online.

If you look right here to the right, this is what comes up. BJJ, Instructor, Gay Porn, Callan. No, don't put Callan. Don't put Callan. Wait a minute, it's right there. It's right there, right? No, no, no, the one on top of it. No, the one back.

That one right there. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's it. Check this out. Old school Brian Callan before UFC at the MGM. And this is, it's like it's in a little tiny video Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'm like that. Like that.

Slow. Slow. We're done. Sometimes I mean like that, my friend. He licked his fingers. I take a guy, pop, pop, like that. I hold him down like that. I mean like that.

He's sucking his fingers, sticking it in the guy's ass. I'll be talking to myself. Okay, okay. Oh my God. Can you explain to me the con when you have the sex? Sometimes guys don't understand. For me, my coke, what I'm going to do now?

That's it. That's it. That's it. I take a con. Take a con. Yeah. I make it, yeah, like that. Like that. Then when I do porn or something, that's it.

That's it. That's why I'm gonna talk to you now. I take camera. I talk to the guy. Get my balls now, man. Get my balls now, man. Get that. Guy, get my balls now, man. Get my balls now. He's making fucking moves in the air. Get this.

Get this. Get this now. Like that. Motherfucker. Oh, my God. That was one of the... Until Joey Diaz was on the Alex Jones show, that was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life.

It's true. That was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life until when Joey Diaz was on the Alex Jones show. That just... It was a... Can we see that? Or have you already played it? We've played that a gang of times.

These iTunes listeners are going to hate this episode. Yeah, we're sorry. We're showing a lot of things. Well, originally it was supposed to be Joey and Eddie and I, and we were going to do regular. And it's not all MMA, but we're going to talk about MMA because it's the one request that we get all the time is doing MMA-only podcasts. So what we decided to do is try to make this one as much MMA as possible,

and some of that, unfortunately, is like visual. Yeah, maybe it shouldn't be a Joe Rogan experience. Maybe it should be something else. Maybe. Because you don't want to be driving around listening to serious radio and going, they're watching a video for a half hour. Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

Or you know what? That'll motivate them to go watch the video. You know what I mean? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I think that might have been a boring 10 minutes for people

that don't know the history of it. You know? For us. We'll see. We'll see what they find. Rolls on memory lane. That fucking sucks, man.

So I wanted to ask you about this before I went to take a leak. I wanted to ask you what the fuck you think about this Occupy Wall Street shit what what is your take on all this you know to be honest i haven't really looked that deeply into it it just seems i don't know i mean it's definitely good right anytime there's the people unite and try to change things that's always good right you know but i don't know well one

of the reasons why i asked is europe i mean i've never in my whole life had more conversations about 2012 zachariah sitchin nibiru anunnaki you and i have had more of these conversations than anybody and you and i have had several of these Mayan calendar conversations and the end of the world conversations. And I hate to be like the guy who says it's all falling apart, man. It's all falling apart, man. But if you look at it, it's all falling apart, man. It's like how far can it fall? Is there a safety net in there somewhere?

What do you mean we go bankrupt? What happens when we go bankrupt? I don't get it. I'm missing something here, man. Are the resources and the amount of people, are those numbers vastly different than they were just a few years ago? No, they're not. So what the fuck do we have to do to re-pump up the system

to get it to where it functions again? Or is it not possible? Is it that in order for the system to function overall, some places have to be bad and some places have to be good? Is that the case? I mean, is it that no, we can't

be even all across the country and therefore the American way of life can't be sustained? Because the American way of life is only possible if people in other parts of the world have to work for shit money and make the products that we absorb right it seems like you put it all together it seems like the powers that be are hauling ass to siphon as much money as they can for some doesn't it't it seem like all this money just being taken and trillions of dollars

are going missing from the Pentagon? Like $2.3 trillion disappears. That was in that Jesse Ventura conspiracy theory. No, that was in that, but it's real. Like Donald Rumsfeld, the day before 9-1-1, he said, you know, we have a big problem. The enemy's here. The enemy's here.

And then the next, he announces that there's 2.3 trillion. I think those are the numbers. It's like 2.3 or 3.1, some kind of trillions. And he announces this the day before 9-1-1, and he's going to do something about it. They're going to look into the Pentagon. They're going to look into the accounting and all that shit the day before 9-1-1. And they were just stealing. Trillions unaccounted for they go we don't know

where the 2.3 trillion dollars it just seems like they're just going out of the way like well how about the most recent one where they said there was billions of dollars missing in iraq and then they go oh no actually we found it and the iraqis were kind enough to watch over and guard it for us yeah the fuck you did yeah the fuck you did. Yeah. The fuck you did. The fuck you found that. You found some billions of dollars just laying around. What? They were just guarding it and you didn't know where it was.

And they just had it in a room somewhere for you? Oh, we're just waiting for you to ask. Rumsfeld announces this on September 10th. And then the next day, the accounting office blows up in the Pentagon. Jesus. Some say it was a plane. some say it was a plane some say it was a missile whatever the the next day all the records are gone i mean it just seems like i'll tell you what man that 9-11 there is never a better case for confirmation bias than that 9-11 september 11 you know confirmation bias is when you only look at one side of the argument because you're trying to convince yourself that you're right.

And in the September 11th one, man, that's one where people just, no one wants to admit that even the possibility that the government somehow knew about it or somehow was involved in organizing it, no one would ever, ever, ever, ever admit that. And if you admit that, you're a piece of shit. It's a real tricky thing. They don't want to look at the facts of the past. They don't want to look at things like Operation Northwoods or the Bay of Pigs or all the different times where it might have been a bunch of bullshit while we were in some country. And while young people were getting killed for their crazy bidding, it might have been bullshit that we would have never agreed to if we knew what the fuck

was really going on. Yeah. But for whatever reason, people don't want to look at that. They don't want to look at that possibility. It's incredible the amount of evidence there is that their 911 was super shady. I mean, the fact that most people don't even know three skyscrapers went down on 9-11. Most people, they'll tell you too. You ask them how many skyscrapers went down.

Three went down. They just don't talk about Tower 7. That was like a 50-story skyscraper that just imploded like a controlled demo. You could look at it, and it looks like a controlled demo. You look at it. You see it. It's on video a bunch of different angles and they didn't talk about it in the the initial 9-1-1 commission report they

didn't even talk about why this skyscraper went down after years of pressure and people going what the happened to tower seven why did it look like why was it demo to go it fell at free fall speed everyone kept saying it fall that fell free fall speed explain that people wanted answers so finally the government hired uh i think they're called um cyst it's like initials for some scientific company that's funded by the government nist nist n-i-s-. You can see the videos on YouTube unless they've been pulled. And they had a press conference to explain what happened to this 50-story

or it's like 47-story skyscraper that just on video got controlled down where they're going. It fell at free fall speed. They're saying, so they came up to prove that it wasn't free fall speed that if it was free fall speed it would have fell in 4.2 seconds instead of

4.4 seconds or some ridiculous thing like that like they were a second off so they were just there to prove that it wasn't free fall speed so therefore there's no conspiracy so they go so wait a minute so do any controlled demos do they fall at free fall speed?

No, no. The definition of free fall speed is something. This is what they said. Something falling without any resistance. That's free fall speed. So this building had resistance. So it's not free fall speed. So they go, wait a minute.

It's ridiculous. It wasn't ridiculous. There's mass. Of course, there's some resistance. Some dude stood up and said, so wait a minute. So do controlled demos, do you consider that free fall speed? And they go, nope, that's not free fall speed. Oh, so controlled demos are not free fall speed.

So why are we talking about this? It was ridiculous. And you could just tell they just had to do their job. That's fascinating that nobody thought anybody was going to counter that and ask them if controlled demolition is a free fall speed. I don't know if that was a controlled demolition because obviously i'm not an architect nor do i know anything about building instruction so it is possible that you know you could burn a building and the fire reaches so high and it's so hot that all the floors collapse uniformly and it pancakes into itself it is

possible i don't know based on you know architects and engineers from 11. I don't know. Based on, you know... Architects and engineers from 11 Truth, they don't think it's possible. There's something like 1,300 different engineers. Just common sense. This is a video of a control demo, and no other building... You just put, like a detective. No building has ever fallen like that ever before. Do you think they armed the

building when they built it? What do you think they did? If you think that's a control demolition, what do you think they did if you thought if you think that's a controlled demolition what do you think they did and everybody like there's a lot of people right now getting angry it's a fucking bullshit conversation you fucking conspiracy theorist listen i don't know i'm not saying i literally have no opinion on it but when i look at it it does look like a controlled demolition does that mean anything no because i'm an idiot and i'm not some sort of an engineer or any sort of a scientist however why does everybody get mad when you say it looks like a controlled demolition because it fucking does yeah it fucking does why are they mad why are you mad when i say that someone that

goes the kinks in the middle and then falls into its own base instantly instantly all it does it all like crumples everything gives out at the exact same order like it just like it wouldn't control demolition it all gave out floor to Just like it would in a controlled demolition. It all gave out floor to floor. It's perfect. It looks exactly like a controlled demo.

Yeah, it fell into its base. No one's saying it's a controlled demolition. I don't know it's a controlled demolition. You don't know, right? It looks like one to me. It does look like one, right?

It does, right? Why does everybody get mad when you say it looks like a controlled demolition? Just look at it. Look at controlled demos. There's plenty of video on them. And then look at Tower 7.

It's all on YouTube. You could just watch it. No skyscraper ever has fallen like that from fires. It could be that if it gets damaged, the way that got damaged, and apparently that was also the house diesel fuel there. And there's some sort of a lawsuit because of that. So they're saying the diesel fuel led to the fire being so hot that everything collapsed like that it's possible yeah still it looks like a controlled demolition you don't believe that but it could be but wait a minute you see but if they

did really have like who knows how many gallons of fucking diesel fuel you know thousands millions who knows and that stuff is on fire that's an incredible amount of heat that'd be generated that does make sense that it could compromise the structural integrity of a building if it basically becomes an oven. If I had to bet a million dollars either way and we were going to find out the answer, and you have to guess, I would definitely go, okay, this is – I would say – Controlled demolition. Controlled demolition. There's a lot of shady shit going on. Well, here's where it gets really crazy.

And then the war started after that. It was a way to get into the war. Well, here's where it gets really crazy. That building was where the NSA had offices the CIA had offices yeah that tower left intelligence had all kinds of like secret fucking black ops shit going on there what would you know what would you choose Joe if you're doing the same yes or no question that he did you know like we're gonna find the answer out right now.

What do you mean? If it was a controlled demolition. What would I do? What do you mean? Which would you choose? Oh, if I had to say one or the other, whether it was or not? That's a good question. It looks like a controlled demolition.

You know, it doesn't make sense to me. It was $1 million, right? Trillion dollars. No, $1 million for me, $10 billion for him. $1 million. $10 billion, too. It's fucking really hard to guess, man. It'd be really hard to guess.

Because honestly, it sounds preposterous. And this is just my Occam's razor logic, all that stuff. When I think the fact that they might have hired a whole crew to rig this building with explosives or maybe construct the building with explosives or maybe construct the building with explosives built in like does anybody do that or is it possible that this fucking two planes slammed into these giant towers caused all this fucking damage to neighboring buildings and it started a fire and the fire lit up these gasoline drums that were filled with diesel fuel and there's millions of gallons of fuel and the whole thing

inside of it became like a fucking oven and just gave out all at once. Shit. I gotta go with... You got ten seconds, Joe. I gotta go with controlled demolition. Fuck yeah. You would go with controlled demolition? Yeah, if I had to go... If I had to, one way or the other, I absolutely don't know.

But if I... I would not be surprised if it was proven that it was a controlled demolition. I'm sorry, you both lost, guys. The true answer was two planes just crashed in there and there was a lot of fuel in the building and everyone's just... That's the true answer? How do you know that's a fair fact, though?

It's just true. You'd be surprised that not only do most regular people Brian, you're an awesome arguer. don't know about Tower 7. Check this out. I'm at Grappler's quest right and one of the the refs um after in the middle of the show we we uh we started talking about i don't know how it came up but he said he used to work for the fbi and then he got out of that shit and then he started working with brian simmons and with grappler's quest and all that stuff and i go so what do, and then he started working with Brian Simmons and with Grapper's Quest and all that stuff.

And I go, so what do you think about? He started telling me how he had shit jobs. He goes, FBI is not glamorous, dude. When 9-1-1 happened, guess what I had? Bucket duty. I had me at ground zero just putting shit. I was doing nothing. There was no investigative work.

We were just all out there just picking up trash, man. He was talking about the FBI being in there. was no investigative work we were just all out there just picking up trash man it's like he's like talking about fbi being imagine how much time it took to clean up 200 story skyscrapers of garbage dude that would have taken like a hundred thousand mexicans they would have finished that shit like a month but anyways had to go there he's allowed to say he's a mexican i take advantage of that i'm liberal with that but i he was telling me this, like, fuck. It was like we were on bucket patrol. FBI is so not glamorous.

It's not like it is in the movies, bro. Trust me. And I go, so what do you think about Tower 7, man? What do you think? And he goes, what do you mean Tower 7? I go, you know that Tower 7, there was a third tower that went down, didn't get hit by a plane. There's a third one that went down.

You know, I said, you know,ia had offices in there maybe intelligent and ron all that he goes oh hmm man you know what they're probably just getting rid of a lot of evidence that's what he said he goes goes up top they just they're just trying to get rid of that's what his he didn't even know about it could you imagine if that's really what they did? If they rigged the building to explode to get rid of evidence? Shady stuff that they've been involved in. Yeah, but wait a minute. Do you think...

I mean, how deep are you willing to take it? That's what the guy told me. This is what the guy told me. You know what I mean? Well, that makes sense with that building. But how deep are you willing to take it? Are you willing to take it? Do you believe that they could have let 9-11 happen?

They could have let those people fly those planes into those buildings? Well, I think if I had to guess, it would be something similar to what they were going to do in Cuba. They were already going to do something like that. And even Vietnam and Pearl Harbor, maybe it's not even the government. It's people over the government. They need they, you know, government first, you know, maybe it's, it's not even the government. It's people on over the government. They need reasons to get into war. We need the people behind it. We need people waving American flags.

So, you know, it's, it's standard building empires. One-on-one. Yeah. They actually moved some of their warships out of the, the Navy base in Hawaii because they knew that they were going to be

attacked. They moved valuable ships. Americans did not want to get into world war ii we got into world war ii after the japanese raided pearl harbor but we had known the japanese apparently the government supposedly had known i mean this was on the history channel they were talking about yeah now back then it was a conspiracy theory. Now it's mainstream knowledge now that America knew about it, and they let it happen. They go, perfect, let them come in here. What the fuck?

They needed to get into the war. Can you imagine the mindset that you have to have to allow U.S. soldiers to die, allow them to die knowing that you're going to manipulate the whole situation and bring people into war now? And Northwoods explained that really quick. 1962, the Joint Chiefs of Staff signed a document that was, what they were going to do was they were going to arm Cuban friendlies and have them attack Guantanamo Bay.

Could have easily killed U.S. soldiers, right? They were going to put a drone plane in the air and blow it up and blame it on the Cubans. And that was going to make people want to go to war with Cuba. There was all these different things that they were doing to get people enthusiastic about going to war with Cuba. I mean, that's real. That's a fact. Signed by the joint chiefs. It wasn't like an idea

that someone came up with that everybody was like, get the fuck out of here. No, they signed it. They put it together. This was a plan. Kennedy vetoed it. So it's happened before you know it happened with northwoods it happened in pearl harbor and you know no one went to jail that's what's really important man you know getting into vietnam that was all shady that was like yeah some fake attack that look how we got into iraq and afghanistan exactly i mean i

had a whole bit about that you know about like that people would be like what they told 911 yeah how did yeah but i yeah sure but doesn't make any sense i mean like well i had i was talking to a friend of mine last night he's a really good guy but he's you know he's like real kind of rah-rah and we were having this conversation about uh why we're in afghanistan i go do you see a threat in afghanistan when was the last time they even talked about like the the war in afghanistan being because there's a threat you know what i hear about afghanistan i hear about trillions of dollars in minerals. I hear about 90% of the world's opium.

I hear about natural gas pipelines that the Soviet Union wants to control. I hear about all these incredible resources that this place has. And then the whole country is like in this state of chaos. You know, I mean, it's like one city and then a bunch of like warlords, man. Like what, we're over there for what reason?

What are we doing? It's basically like if your wife cheated on you three times over your marriage, and then there's all this evidence that she's doing it again, and you're like, no way. She would never do it. She would never do it. Wait, there's evidence. It's not just...

We have video evidence of her sucking a dick, and you don't think she's cheating? Oh, it was the lighting and the shadows, bro. You know what I mean? It's Photoshop, bro. Yeah, it's not real. I could do that. Anybody could do that.

CGI, man. So he's the enemy. I mean, our government has done this several times. It's a fact. And no, no, no. 911 was not. That's insane. Tower 7 went down like a controlled demo.

No plane hit it. Oh, it was a fire. Like, Jesus Christ. That's incredible. But it's way sexier to think that it was a controlled demo. It's way sexier to think there's a bunch of dudes sitting there, and they go, pull it, pull it. And they hit the button, and the whole thing implodes.

And then they go, don't worry about it. Who's going to know? We're going to have to talk about this. Don't worry about it. I got it covered. Yeah. You know, I wish, I wish,

I wish our government, like every day, our officials woke up and said, you know, we got to get together and we got to make it better for the people. What are we going to do?

We're going to make the best country ever. You know what I mean? We're going to make the best country. Sounds like an ABC after school special on the presidency. You know what I mean? I wish it it was like that that's how it was in 1776 our our i mean

look at jfk and all that shit you you put it all together and our government has every government really it's just like every government basically has a history of massive corruption yeah these we're in a corrupt government. How could you not see that? Did you see Putin get booed in Russia? That's deep, dude. Fedor beat up Monson. Afterwards, Putin got into the ring

and congratulated Fedor and thanked Monson. I didn't see that. They were booing him, man. He gave a speech. He started talking. They were booing him, man. Because they're fed up, man. They're fed up with this guy

who's pushed himself back into power. He was supposed to be elected and then his term was over and then that was it but he's like right back in the mix he never gave up power yeah he's it wasn't about to that's a gangster dude yeah putin's putin's a bad motherfucker judo black belt guy goes hunting and fishing and shit that's a man dude yeah that's why everybody was terrified when the thought of uh sarah palin actually being the president because what if putin i mean putin's a goddamn man if sarah palin actually became president what if they get in office what if by some fucking stroke of the imagination what for whatever reason her and what's his face get into office. What's his name?

Who? Brian. The guy who ran with Sarah Palin. Jesus Christ. McCain? Yeah, John McCain. John McCain. Had a brain fart.

John McCain and Sarah Palin go into office. John McCain is an old man. He's been around a long time. I mean, he's really old. And, you know, I respect the guy, and he was a war hero and all that stuff, but he's a very old man. And to have that as a running mate, that's his vice president. So if he dies, she becomes president.

So easily, you look at how Obama's turning gray, man. Obama's getting gray quick. Have you noticed that? The dude looks tired all the time. If that was John McCain, he might be dead. So right now, he gives out. Boom. Sarah Palin has to sit down at a fucking negotiating table

with Vladimir Putin. Could you imagine? Could you imagine how that killer would stare down that nimrod? Could you imagine that conversation? The conversation between this international bad motherfucker and some dingbat who doesn't even read?

Can you imagine what that conversation would be like god damn so what do you think about ron paul i think ron paul is uh a very sensible man he believes in some strange things he's very religious but his overwhelming belief in the constitution is more important to me than whatever religious beliefs that he has to have to get him through his day or chooses to subscribe to or whatever. For whatever reason, he believes in creationism and a lot of those other things. He doesn't believe in the theory of evolution. There's a lot of things that he doesn't believe in. It's fine with me.

That doesn't bother me because his belief in the Constitution and his belief in what America really should be, that we shouldn't be the police of the world, that we shouldn't be wasting all our resources in all these different countries, that we should be strengthening up our country, our inner cities, our structures, our business, our manufacturing. Pull all that resources in and stop giving it to all these fucking gigantic war companies. Because that's what they are.

They're war profiteers. And the war profiteers have hijacked the whole system. And the pharmaceutical companies have hijacked the fucking drug laws so that there's a disproportionate amount of people that want things, that are in jail because they want them, because they're not sanctioned by the government. And they become nonviolent drug offenders when they could just get the prescription pill for them

and they'd be just as fucked up and fine. They can't choose to do what they want to do. The whole package is bought and sold. So when you step in, if you're a president, a presidential candidate, who the fuck do you want, man? Good luck. Good luck fixing this mess. Good luck fixing this tangled fishing line.

It's pretty amazing watching the debates and and anybody that speaks that besides ron paul you just it's like total bullshit everything everybody just nothing but bullshit and then ron paul that's like a real dude who's breaking it down you know honestly he he you know his whole drug policy that's pretty that takes big balls to come out like that with his drug policy. You know what I mean? Well, there's evidence in other countries. Portugal.

Portugal, less people are addicted to drugs. Less people are involved in prostitution because they made it legal. They made drugs legal. They just said, fucking, let's just decriminalize the whole package. That's what Ron Paul wants to do. That's what it should be, man. You can't nanny state the fucking world. Keep it from your kids. Keep it from your communities.

You know, and you know, if people are selling it, if they're pushing it, if you know, if you feel like, you know, you can keep them out of your community, man. You know, you could, you could, they're criminals. You should get rid of them. But people who have it, let them do whatever the fuck they want, man. Let them do whatever they want. That's how it should be. You know, if they're not

hurting you, let them do it. Let them do everything. Let them try whatever they want. That's how it should be. If they're not hurting you, let them do it. Let them do everything. Let them try heroin. I think it's stupid. You want to do it? Go ahead. I support it. I don't want my kids to do it. I'm going to try to educate them as much as possible. Stay the fuck away from heroin. But ultimately, they can get it. They can get it anyway. Who are you going to vote for?

Ghostbusters. No, that's who you're going to call. Vote for him also. Herman Cain, just for a goof. Not Ron Paul? I think the whole thing's rigged. Yeah, I'll vote for Ron Paul. Sure, I'll vote for Ron Paul.

But, you know, Ron Paul's probably not going to get into the position to be the Republican nominee. So I have to register as a Republican, which is just gross. Do you think they're going out of their way, the media, to ignore him? Sure, of course they are. I saw one show. This was the most hilarious version of it. They were talking about how Mitt Romney at the time and Rick Perry were battling out

for the second and third spot. So battling out for number two and number three, and then they started going into this whole battle between number two and number three, and what Mitt Romney needs to do, what Rick Perry needs to do. All the while ignoring Ron Paul, because he was number one. They didn't even talk about Ron. They just talked

about these two dudes battling out for two and three and who's going to emerge. Why do you think the media is ignoring him? Because he's not media-centric. He doesn't do anything that all these giant corporations want. Everything that he says is like utopia, dream state

where the military-industrial complex doesn't really have control over Congress and the politicians and everyone at the top of the heap. But they really do they really do so what happens when he gets in place what happens when they put him in office and you know and and then they go we're gonna do what we're gonna get afghanistan the fuck we are sit down dude and then what happens exactly does he go on tv and tell it everybody you know they were just gonna get him killed i mean what's gonna happen then is it it going to be revealed

that we actually live in a 100% complete police state? And now, unfortunately, because of Mr. Paul's death, the bullshit facade gets dropped, and we just fucking march people into camps? Don't you think they should redo the whole president thing? Alex Jones! What? Don't you think they should redo the whole president thing where there's, like, multiple presidents?

Like, three? That's a good idea. A team of presidents is a good idea. You know, know really the idea is based on tribes of monkeys it's really stupid it's great for 50 monkeys it's not good for 300 million human beings to have one person reside over everyone one person be our representative and we don't trust them enough to give them more than a four-year stretch of the time you know we don't trust them to keep doing it and after eight years, you're done. Get the fuck out. It doesn't matter if you're the best at your job of all time.

The temptation for corruption is just too powerful. We will not allow the best person for the job to continue to have this job. We won't allow them. Even though the person who's probably best at the job has the most experience, doesn't have to be brief, doesn't have to, you know, is willing and able to continue it. Bill Clinton would have done another four years if he had let him

no I'm sorry next guy moving in we got the next crook in town and this guy's got his gang with him there's Dick Cheney and Halliburton

they come with fucking shovels and bags and he's stealing everything that's the funniest presidency of all time CEO of Halliburton a company that

makes its money by fixing shit after the United States blows it up in war. They get fucking billions of dollars in no-bid contracts to fix stuff after we blow it up because the guy who used to be their CEO wants to go to war in Afghanistan and Iraq. So he forces everybody to go to war. He forces Bush into it. They make fucking insane amounts of money. And somehow or another, the whole thing takes place in front of everybody's eyes.

If that's not like a brilliant jacking, what is? Gangsta. Think of that. How could that even be legal? How could it even be legal? The idea, the only way it could be legal is you would have to assume that this person for sure is incapable of doing something inhumane. Like going to war for any reason other than the fact that American lives are in danger.

There's no way they would go to war just for profit. That's unheard of. So that has to be assumed. Otherwise, it couldn't be allowed. You wouldn't allow someone who is once the ceo of a company that fixes up shit we blow up to just start taking over and blowing things up at an unprecedented rate oh what a coincidence this guy's the vice president now we've blown up more shit than ever in history whoopsies between it's totally coincidental don't worry about that

that guy doesn't have a heart anymore man've got an electric heart in there pumping this shit. He's got some crazy pacemaker where he doesn't have a pulse. He's just got a pump. So his body's just pumping blood. Like, literally, he's a zombie. Dick Cheney's like an anti-Christ zombie. He's got no heartbeat. Think of that.

Think of that. I mean, is that not in the scriptures, man? A man who walks with no heartbeat and feels no remorse for the millions of deaths. That shit could be in the scriptures. That easily could be in the scriptures. Turn on your hard light. Those motherfuckers took us to war for money. Isn't that amazing?

Remember that one? They've always done it. People have always done that. Remember that one bit? When you're talking about George Bush and how dumb he is? Yeah, we can go dumber. Yeah, you know what? They did with Sarah Palin.

They did go dumber. Wow. You know, somebody took that make that um clip from my 2005 special they took that clip and added it to um a picture of sarah palin at the end and it said like really yeah we can go dumber can we see that oh you can't find it man you won't find it no i don't want to play it anyway i don't want to hear myself to stand up and freak myself out. Especially from 2005. I was like a little too yelly. A little too yelly. What's the word? I love early Rogan.

He was just mad all the time, man. Early Rogan. Angry before the weed. I really found it to be a tremendous waste of time now. I'm still occasionally angry, but more tongue-in-cheek than ever before. As you get older, too, you start thinking, I've got to pick the things I'm mad at, man. Because you can get mad at everything all day

if you really want to. I know people that get mad at everything all day. You ever see people that are in relationships that get mad at everything all day? Girls nitpick at guys, and the guy fucking fires back, and you go, well, you guys are not handling this so well. and you guys are handling this kind of silly. You don't have to do this, you know?

It's hard. It's hard to watch, man, especially when people have kids, dude. That's when it gets hard, dude. That's when it gets hard. I got a friend. I got a friend who's got a kid, and him and his wife, they seem like they don't like each other. They seem like they're both upset at each other. Do I know him?

Yeah. I know who you're talking about. It's unfortunate. You know, it's like, God damn, you guys got this beautiful situation here. You should love each other. Come on. Get it together. You know what?

Neither one of them smoke weed. That might be a part of the problem. Right? I think everybody needs a little weed, man. A little perspective. Just a little perspective enhancer. You know, don't you think? Don't you like smoking weed with your girl?

Isn't that a nice thing? Yeah, it's very nice. It's the best thing, right? It's like you chill together, you hang out together. It feels better when you kiss each other, you know? It's like a super sensitivity drug, you know? It makes you super sensitive. It makes know? It's like a super sensitivity drug, you know? Makes you super sensitive. Makes you really, really like that person, you know?

All their good qualities get accentuated. You really appreciate them. Almost like you see them with new eyes. Or you can get really paranoid. Or you can freak the fuck out of all the guys who fuck with you. Or you can call an ambulance. I was watching.

And just hear phantom buzzes for guys texting her on her phone. Oh, man. I've had some serious anxiety attacks, though. I was watching Cops last night, and it was like. Yeah, I've had at least five. What's the biggest anxiety attack? Sorry to break your.

Hold on to that thought, Brian. I want to hear these anxiety attacks. I never smoked pot growing up, just but once a year. Sorry. Brian, get in there. No, I'm good. Don't be scared, homie. I have to get on stage.

Don't be scared, homie. That's perfect. Dude, it's early. It's only 8.20, man. It shows I was on the start for two hours. Yeah. Get in there, son. Plus, we're going to go get some food after this.

We got to hurry. People are going to start getting here at 9. Why are they getting here an hour and a half early? Do they have Chronicles? Oh, who's coming at 9? I just told everyone to come as close to 9 as possible. Oh, okay. So they'll all be here around 10, like last time.

Son, in high school, I didn't smoke weed. Like I said, once a year at a party or something. And I would always get paranoid. Wasn't into it at all. I did not like smoking weed at all growing up. In 11th grade at lunch, there was a big stoner crowd. There was probably like 100 people in the stoner crowd. And everyone thought I was a stoner because I hung out in the stoner crowd.

But if you look closely, I was like on the edge. I wasn't really in with those guys. You didn't sit in, man. Yeah, I wasn't really. It appeared I was, but I actually wasn't hanging out with them. It was just me and three other guys on the edge. I wasn't really in with those guys. You didn't fit in, man. Yeah, I wasn't really, it appeared I was, but I actually wasn't hanging out with them. It was just me and three other guys on the side. And one day I got pulled into the crowd

and they're passing around a joint and I said, fuck it, I didn't want to be a douche. I was kind of like stoked that they pulled me in. Smoked a little bit of weed, it was at lunch, and I walked to my next class and I said,

dude, dude, dude, I sat down, I was, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, was. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, exactly. Boom, boom, boom, boom. So it was history. And I'm sitting there.

It was U.S. history. And I'm so fucked up out of my mind. I'm like, I freaked out. I was getting paranoid. So I thought, how am I going to get through this class? So I go, just look straight. Don't look at anybody. Just look straight.

Don't do nothing. I go, oh, my God, I'm freaking out. But I'm not. No one's going to know. No one's going to know. And then I look to the side and there's people are looking back on My eyes got fucking they said there were people like turning around pointing at my eyes. I'm like fuck don't look

Everyone's laughing I'm like fuck and then some girl handed me her compact just look at your eyes I looked at my eyes and they were so red. It was fucking like a zombie's eyes. You have contacts. Did you have contacts back then? No, no, I didn't have contacts back then. Did you have glasses, like black framed glasses? Yes, I did wear glasses.

Every now and then. Every now and then. But not to school. Fuck no. But I looked at my eyes, and I freaked out. I just stood up and walked out of class and went to the bathroom and i sat on the bathroom floor meanwhile everyone's in class and i sat on the bathroom floor just freaking out like just panicking like i was on iraq or something

just sitting on the bathroom floor the teacher calls the the campus cop total asshole big ass mustache total asshole he opens the door yes mustache he opens the leg you put those two together total asshole big ass mustache i'll never forget him he opens the bathroom door and i'm sitting down and he opens it goes what are you doing in here and i immediately started crying i'm like i'm sick i'm sick like i pretend like i was sick and everybody had known that like i was fucked up on weed because The teacher knew that everyone was laughing. I just walked out of class He grabbed me by the neck picked me up and dragged me to the principal's office And I'm like, I just started crying so just pretending that I was sick and he knew I wasn't sick

So he brought me to the uh, the principal's office. He had a toupee on it was awesome And he was really cool. He goes what's wrong i go i'm sick i ate a bad corn dog i'm sick and he goes and the cop was like he wasn't buying it at all but the principal just looked at me and said all right let him go home and he just let me go home and i just walked home like all fucked up i got home just laid down on my bed and i'll never forget looking at the vcr clock just watching the minutes click by. I couldn't wait. It just seemed like it was going to last forever, just watching the clock, please, feeling go away.

I hate this feeling. I hated it. Yeah, I only got high maybe a dozen times before I started getting high with you over the course of my whole life. before I started getting high with you, over the course of my whole life. But one time I did when I was 15 with this girl that I dated. It was her idea and my friend Josh. We all, three of us, got high together.

And I was probably like 15, 14, maybe 14, 15, and I stole my dad's weed. He had some super strong weed, man. I mean, I was a little kid, right? And I don't know how we smoked it. I don't remember anything. But what I do remember is just lying on the couch, my whole body just tingling, like little electrical circuits are going off in my whole body.

And then I was time traveling. I would be on my back on the couch, and couch and then boom i'd be in front of the refrigerator and i had no recollection how i got there it was like instantly i appeared in front of the refrigerator and then boom i was in the bedroom and i couldn't remember walking to the bedroom it's like my short-term memory was so fucked that every few steps my whole brain just rebooted and i'm like how do i get here it erased all the steps up to get to that point there was no memory I mean my brain was fucked we were both fucked we were giggling

but I was scared of weed after that for a while I didn't do it again for a long time that was a scary one yeah I hated it man I could believe that people could function and smoke weed I didn't get it guys in the bands that I was in growing up there was always one stoner or

two stoners and every time he made a mistake playing bass i would like blame the weed i go see you coming here fucking stone that fucking weed just fucks your brain up there's you know that's what i would do with andy dick on news radio really yeah we'd come in high and he wouldn't remember his lyrics i'm like the freak is high again like you'd be all pissed off i was totally mad i was such a dick to stoners growing up. Oh, me too. I was a dick. Well, you're a dick to people. I'm sorry.

You're a dick to the people that you're afraid of yourself being. I was afraid of being a stoner. What were you saying? I was just saying I was watching Cops last night, and I was thinking about in the future when marijuana will probably be legal. And so this officer was just going off on this girl for having some weed. It was maybe a quarter or something like that. But it was going off, just like going, you know, I can't believe this weed.

And I was thinking, how silly is this video going to look like in 10 years when weed's completely legal and it's like normal and everything? Like, you're going to look back at how this cop was just going fucking ape shit on something that's like vitamins. I wonder if weed is going to be legal in 10 years. I mean, I would like to think it would be, but honestly, I'm not sure, because if you go back to like the 1970s, Hunter S. Thompson was giving speeches at universities and shit, and they were talking about legalization

of marijuana, and he's like, oh, it's inevitable. Maybe a decade. That's what he said. Like, maybe a decade. Maybe, no. Maybe never, man. 2011. Illegal. And all the shit we know now, the fact that it's illegal now is absolutely preposterous. Flies in the face of science. Flies in the face of logic.

There's no reason for them to be protecting us from it. The only reason to keep it legal at this point is there's two reasons. One, because you don't want to ever admit you were wrong and let all those people out of jail that you locked up for it. And two, what is the two? Don't fart in the bathtub no whatever there's no there's no other i don't know what the second my second point was there's no logical reason you have to be bought and paid by the pharmaceutical companies that's the only that's the only logical reason either you don't want to admit that you you know you up in the past you don't want to rephrase the laws because then you open up this conundrum

of you being guilty of locking people in jail for something that's not really a crime. It's either that or you're being bought and paid for. Somebody's paying to make sure that you don't have these things legal because it's clear that you're not protecting anybody. But we've come a long way, though. We have in California.

The fact that there's dispensaries in like 14 other states, too. Dude, I've been reading about people getting arrested left and right, though. On Twitter, people always send me things about like some high school kid gets arrested for weed. You know, he's doing three years in jail. You know, you hear about this shit. It's still happening in the country.

I think it's becoming more and more legal, but every now and then you've got little dips. And it's also like one out of thousands. Overall, it's going to be hard to stop. It is hard. Come on. In California, we'll never go back. You know what I'm using as a model, though? I'm using this Occupy Wall Street.

It's hard to stop this Occupy Wall Street, but boy, are they fucking trying. They're getting violent. They're getting violent about it. You see this UC Davis footage of these cops spraying these pepper spray, spraying this shit in this kid's face. All of them, little kids at point-blank range. They're seeing them jabbing people with batons. They are reacting. But all these officers are getting in trouble for it.

Are they? Yeah, they're getting suspended and all this shit. So I don't think it's too crazy because I think they realize that everyone has cameras, that they have to follow some kind of rules because we're all going to know about it in a minute. I would like to believe that, but that you know, that Tony Bologna guy, that guy who pepper sprayed those girls in New York, like one of the first instances, that guy only lost 10 vacation days, 10 paid vacation days.

That's it. That guy should be fired. There's no way you should be allowed to be a fucking cop, and that's what you want to do to some girls, just pepper spray them in the face? You've got them all corralled in one spot. You just pepper spray him in the face? He is an officer. This is not to defend him or anything, but he is an officer, and he probably doesn't make a lot of money, I would imagine. Yeah, vacation days, that's ridiculous.

But that is also a lot of money probably for him. It is a lot of money. It's a lot of money for him doing a job that he didn't do well. No, no, I'm just saying, so it is a penalty. If you're an officer, you're never going to be like, dude, I'm not going to go crazy because I don't want to lose fucking 10 vacation days. They obviously fought. The union must have fought to keep that guy in position because that's the only thing that makes sense. When you see shit like the guy at UC Davis that pepper sprayed those kids in the face, I don't know what happened to him,

but there's no way that guy should ever be in charge ever of enforcing the law there's no way that guy should ever call himself an officer of the peace there's a bunch of little kids they could be my daughters they could be my sons they're 16 18 years old whatever the fuck they are and you're pepper spraying them in the face fuck you man that's just disgusting i don't care if they weren't listening to you i don't care what you're doing is disgusting that's disgusting it's malicious it's sadistic you know what you're doing you're spraying them in the face to teach them a lesson you're inflicting pain on them to get them away from you and you think you're being slick about it you think it's your job and the world says fuck you and that's why the world took that guy's picture and put it online

and put his email online shops yeah he's yeah he's a that guy's a that's a the world took that guy's picture and put it online and put his email online. Awesome photo shops. Yeah. That guy's a bad example. Do you think I should do a pepper spray fetish video where I just get sprayed by this girl? It's not real pepper spray, but I have to act like it is. Are you going to become a fetish porn star? I just want to know. Because I don't think I can continue to work with you in this capacity. You start doing rape fetish videos where you get tied up in trunks. Dude, if I found

out there's a real video of you out there, you're getting tied up in trunks, do you show them your ass for 400 bucks? No, but if there's nothing porn about it, if it's just 30 minutes of me struggling. You need to find a sponsor for the podcast. Okay? That's what you need. You don't need to be sticking your ass in the air and letting these guys duct tape your mouth. They're

going to fuck you and they're going to say that you agreed to it because you're not going to read the contract. So in some fine line, oh yeah, I'm going to get the fuck out of your ass. It probably is written in there and under a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo as long as the client understands that forcible anal sex is a big part of the program.

Thanks, bye. Just put Death Squad TV on it. Yeah, if I just make it and make my own fetish videos. Yeah, why don't you make videos of you getting fucked in the ass? It'll be worth a lot of money. But no ass sex there's a fetish there for people that like looking at people tied up let's build up my own

fetish of just people getting tied up but made it really cool let's build it up slow yeah like we start up with that and then eventually we're gonna go for the big bucks we're gonna have a guy fuck you no no come on we'd have a stunt we need to go for the big bucks okay stunt ass stunt asshole really obvious corpse like no no how about we get a king kong 1930s claymation no we can do it like this it'll be a guy like the wide shot would be a guy but the tight shot will be a girlfriend with the strap on they won't be able to tell right you know what i'm saying yeah it's all in the editing a black girl you cool would that be? The idea of doing these videos doesn't – you don't think that people are going to get off on the idea of you being taped up and maybe want to find you and tape you up?

Yeah. I never thought of that angle, but that's a good angle. That's definitely – So I wouldn't do that one. I would do stuff like just guys with dirty nails. No. You should do – You should do –

I'm just stepping foot in before. What you should do is make one –. I'll just step in pudding before. What you should do is make one. This is a no-lose situation. Make one where you shoot laser beams out of your eyes. You stare at a girl in the eyes, and it causes her to have to suck your dick. That way, everywhere you go, girls will want to suck your dick. Like, there's no way that works. Oh, my God, it does work.

The craziest girls will just immediately start blowing you. You see, he really does have hypnotic powers. I do. And you just tell them. That's what you do if you're smart. The craziest girls will just immediately start blowing you. You see, he really does have hypnotic powers. I do. And you just tell them. That's what you do if you're smart. Not this other fucking bondage thing. What about friends just holding hands watching TV?

It's just you and a friend holding hands watching TV. Yeah, but you're not doing anything else. You're just holding each other's hand while watching some TV. As long as you can rub fingers and thumbs together. Not just hold hands, but caress hands. Oh, I didn't think of that. Well, what if I had to wear white gloves? If we were both wearing white gloves. Hmm, that's better, for sure.

Yeah, you're just holding white gloves. But maybe it feels even more gay because it's all slippery, the cloth against the cloth. Well, put some cat litter in there so it feels uncomfortable. The whole time you're getting cut by those crystals, those blue crystals. You just ruin the whole thing. Put it inside the glove so it's not comfortable. Why do you want to do gay things on video for money? I don't really want to.

Is someone offering you something? No, no, I'm really not doing this. Are you a gay hustler? No. I'm just thinking that I know there's a fetish there. Now that I've seen that there's people that buy and there's people that are making money off these crazy videos of nothing. Of guys just kissing steering wheels. Those aren't nothing, man.

It's hard to find people. Really? Yeah. What you're talking about is not that stuff, though. You're talking about getting tied up. It's hard to find people that are into you being tied up. And those people, man, you don't want to work in that market. Yeah, I don't.

Yeah. You don't want to become a part of that market. Right. You could be really famous in that. You're the number one guy. You'll start making posters and shit. And you're all tied up. There's like posters and.

Yeah. You could be the number one guy that everybody wants to rape. And you could be like, you know, you could be like the Tracy Lords of trunk rape videos. Trunk rape videos. Stalkers. I bet it would get a lot of Dexter fans. Michael C. Hall has that. Those fans.

Do you have that? Like those creepy guys. Serial killer fans? Real murderers. I wonder, man. I wonder how many dudes out there want to be serial killers, but they don't want to go to jail. So they're like, that's not worth it.

So they open up a Christian bookstore instead. Christian bookstore. Yeah, just to fight it off. Like dudes do it like Ted Haggard to fight off the gay. They just go super, super, super Christian to try to fight off that gay. That's most priests. Yeah. Yeah, most of them.

Maybe all of them. Wouldn't that be crazy if the Catholic Church really was just an organization of kid fuckers? I mean, it was a cult, an ancient cult of kid fuckers. And they just slowly but surely integrated their way into the cities and the commonwealths. They are the rarest. By using guilt and control. But really all they wanted to do was fuck kids. It wasn't always illegal for the priest to

get laid they actually could get laid like most other denominations but they were getting too much pussy they were like rock stars like the dudes that were going to the church they were like hating on the priest because the their wives wanted to bone them so people were leaving and then they decided you know what to save the church. We got an outlaw getting laid for these dudes. Can you imagine what the priests at the time, when they were thinking about outlawing pussy, what they were thinking? Their lives were coming to a fucking halt.

Yeah, they probably thought about the same way all those Wall Street people started talking, when they started talking about cracking down on Wall Street. wall street yeah the party's over sir the party's over yeah no shit they're probably fighting it can you imagine the fucking priest that were fighting this going to the emperor but your highness please why became a priest so then all those guys end up quitting right like they're like fuck that you know what i mean no more pussy fuck they quit so the only guys that would take the job are dudes're like, fuck that. You know what I mean? No more pussy. Fuck. They quit. So the only guys that would take the job are dudes that didn't give a fuck about pussy.

What came first? What came first? The confession booth or where a priest couldn't get pussy anymore? Which came first? That's very important. Couldn't get pussy, of course. You think so? That came first?

Definitely. And then the confession booth came after that? Definitely. Really? Yeah. Hmm. I wonder. And the confession booth for little kids was probably. Really? Yeah. Hmm. I wonder. And the confession booth for little kids was probably like the plastic container of a flashlight.

Maybe they really tried to keep it together, and for a while, they just beat off in there while girls told crazy fuck stories. They go, yeah, you know what? They outlawed the pussy first, and then they go, you know what? We got to come up with something else. Some confession. Give you a little beat off. So that was the beat off box. That's why they had crazy robes.

You can't, loads just disappear under those things. Yeah. I remember the first time I was going to catechism and that's like school to train how to be a Catholic.

You know what I mean? I'm a kid and they told us about confession. We got to go to confession and I was like, fuck. I mean, I was thinking,

am I going to have to talk about me playing with myself? You know what I mean? Like that was a big concern because I really believed that this priest had connections with god and now god's gonna find out that i'm beaten up so that was a big concern and i asked my catechism teacher i'm like because because you're supposed to say all your sins and then at the end please god forgive me for all of these sins and all my other past sins like the ones you couldn't remember

right so i asked i asked my catechism teacher what if i don't say i leave one uh of my sins out could that part at the end cover it for like these and all my other sins when she goes nope if you remember it you gotta say it i'm like oh jesus how the fuck am i gonna confess playing with myself i didn't call it beating off we didn't call it jerking off it's like playing with myself i was like eight years old going, fuck, this is going to be hard. So I practiced that shit. And I just wanted to fucking blaze right through it, right over it, and not hesitate. So I'm like, you know, hi, it's been, you know, this is my first confession. These are my sins.

I stole a candy bar. I yelled at my brother. I lied to my mom. I played with myself. I cheated on homework. And, you know, I just like go right over it. I just put it in there real quick. I was hoping you wouldn I cheated on homework. And I just go right over it. I just put it in there real quick. I was hoping he wouldn't ask about it.

I was hoping he wouldn't go, wait a minute, back up a little bit there. What do you mean by playing with yourself? Oh, that was my nightmare. And he did. They never asked me to explain myself. He didn't? Oh, he didn't. He didn't.

Dude, what a panic it would be if that's the only one he picked up on. You did what? You played with yourself. What does that mean? Explain yourself. Describe to me in good... You hear like a...

Yeah. No, you hear the clank of glass on aluminum as he unscrews his jar of Vaseline. Wait a minute. Back up a little bit. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Back up. Hold on one second. One second. What did you do? What did you do? In detail. In detail.

Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm not going to talk. I just want to hear you. How often do you play with yourself, son? Well, I was alone in the tub, and I just was washing it, and it felt so good, I didn't

want to stop washing it. And next thing you know, I wasn't even washing it anymore. anymore i was just it was sinful it was just for pleasure what did you do man my dick was so small back then when i started playing with myself i couldn't like beat all you know like jerk off like like you normally do i like rubbed my hands together like an indian yes i would like like i was starting a fire on my little Peter. Yeah, man. That's the way I jerked off. That's hilarious.

What do you call it now, Eddie? Jerk it off. No, I mean your Peter. Do you have a name? Little Conan. You don't have a name for it? No. It doesn't need a name.

Do you, Joe? Do you have a name for your dick? No, but I think I want to name it now. I know. You have to call your dick something. I want to call it Little Conan. Little. You have to call your dick something. I want to call it Little Conan. Little Conan? Little Conan the Barbarian.

Did you see that video? I have a feeling that that is already your name. Did you see that fucking video of the guy who has the face in his crotch? There's a bunch of people that have faces in their crotches. No. What are you talking about? The big bad wolf. Have you ever seen that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched it.

That was fucking hilarious. How bizarre is that? Is that one of the most bizarre things ever? Can you imagine shrooming? Look it up online. It's a video on YouTube called The Big Bad Wolf. Have you seen it? You haven't seen it, Eddie?

It's fucking awesome. Should we play it? I don't know if we could get in trouble with that. Yeah. Is it somebody's sketch? Yeah Should we play it? I don't know if we get in trouble with that. Yeah. Is it somebody's sketch? Yeah. Somebody made it. Go look at it.

Find it online because it's fucking hilarious. I don't even want to tell you what it is. It's just bizarre. It's so good. That's the cool thing about online. All you have to do is put something out there, and if it's good, it will spread. Everything spreads.

That video of Joey Diaz crashing through the thing, it didn't work? It didn't come through for you? No. I'm going to have to get it. You tried to, it didn't work? It didn't come through for you? No. I'm going to have to get... You tried to download it on your phone. It didn't work. Right.

Did you try to download it on your computer? It's nudity, though, right? Yes, it's nudity. Yeah. It's Joey Diaz's balls. What we have to do is blur that out. Yeah. It's an old video, man.

Have you seen it, Eddie? Which one? Oh, we can't play it on this? That's why we can't play it? Which one? Joey Diaz when he comes crashing through that picture and he's naked except for a baseball hat and two fucking Timberland boots on.

An old one, right? Yeah. Let's get this party started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to take it down. Yeah, but we found it. But you used it for your website, though, right? Yeah, it was on my website for a while.

You got to remove that. Yeah, they got mad at me with some of the stuff that I put on my website. Really? Did you have to take anything else down that you remember? I don't know of you taking anything down. Yeah, there was a bunch of pictures with Joey and a slut. Oh, right. Some wild creature.

Yeah, it was just bizarre. It was like all of a sudden, what kind of a sight do I have here? Sussman must have hated that old Joe show, the porn one with your friend St. Pierre. What's his name? The one Joe show we did with your porno friend guy, Michael St. Pierre. Oh, Stephen St. Croix.

The guy who used to come to the comic store all the time. Michael St. Pierre. he's making shit up yeah i knew it was three names that's always a good dude a lot of those guys would come down to the the comedy store comedy store is a magnet for strange people right wow hollywood in itself it's weird as i get older when i think about how crazy and chaotic hollywood really is i couldn't imagine living there it's so strange you lived in west West Hollywood forever, dude. I don't know how you did it. Remember Robert Appavaya?

Yeah. What was that guy's name? Robert William Appavaya. Is he still alive? Oh, yeah. He's still around. He does comedy still? Yeah.

Yeah. He still hates lasers. Yeah, he thinks lasers are Nazis coming to get him. Five minutes? All right, we've got to wrap this bitch up. Eddie, what's your latest seminars? Oh, and if anybody's into jiu-jitsu, we're doing a special here where if you go to Legends and sign up for jiu-jitsu in Hollywood,

it's east of the 101 on Santa Monica Boulevard. What is the exact address? 5176 Santa Monica Boulevard. 5176 Santa Monica Boulevard. It's 10th Planet. 5176 Santa Monica Boulevard. Yeah, it's Legends MMA, and I teach the jiu-jitsu there. That's the headquarters for 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu. The deal we got going on right now, mention the podcast. Just for new customers, mention the podcast.

Sign a six-month contract and get the first two months free. So you only have to pay for four months. You get two months of free jiu-jitsu enjoy the shit out of it and uh listen if there's beginner classes you don't have to worry you're going to be doing it with people that are just starting out just like you and it's really fun and it's way more fun than just any other kind of regular exercise because you're doing something it's like it's exciting you look forward to it yeah it's like playing a video game but a virtual reality video game. Because you are practicing killing techniques. No one gets hurt.

No one's striking. You're just practicing choking each other. Everybody in there, we're all bros. Yeah, we tap each other out, and then we're cool. It happens all the time. No one's getting hurt. It's a great power to have. It's a great skill to have the the skill to to subdue people and put them to sleep or to you know

render them you know crippled for a temporary temporarily at least it's a great skill to have it's so much fun we got beginner classes you don't have to be super smart or anything we have total retards kids do it old ladies do it It's so much fun. You gotta work out. Everyone has to work out. You might as well do something that's super fun. Super fun and it's a good skill to have. If you had to choose between just riding a fucking elliptical machine every day and lifting

weights every now and then, that's gonna get boring. This is like a skill. It's a life skill that can really help you if someone's fucking with you, something happens. It could save your life you know yeah getting addicted to video games it's not going to save your life playing golf isn't going to save your life lifting weights can help in saving your life but jiu-jitsu that really can't save your life you and i both we lift weights we lift weights just to get stronger at jiu-jitsu you know there's guys who lift weights to look good, do bicep curls.

They work on certain specific things to look good. I don't do anything that doesn't help jiu-jitsu. That's all I need to do. And when you do that, too, it all falls into place. Then you start using your body as one unit, too, instead of the bodybuilding style of isolating things. I don't hardly isolate anything anymore.

Every workout I do is like big cleans and squats and kettlebell routines and shit. Everything uses the whole body. And the only reason why I do it is to get better at jiu-jitsu. Yeah, well, that's where we met, 97, at Jean-Jacques Machado Academy in the Valley doing jiu-jitsu. And we had that one thing in common. We're both obsessed with learning how to put people to sleep. It's so much fun. And, you know, we had that one thing in common. We're both obsessed with learning how to put people to sleep. It's so much fun. Yeah. Martial arts, man. I just, I think every young man should learn martial arts and not just to be a fighter, to learn about yourself, you know,

just to push yourself, to put yourself into difficult situations where you're nervous and to overcome it and to learn from failure. And,, man, for the development of your character. So important for shaping your worldview and relaxing you as a person. It's not what everybody thinks it is, man. It's not like a bunch of people trying to be badasses. It's not. It's not at all. It's not.

It's really cool people. Some of my favorite human beings are my friends from martial arts, guys that I train with. Some of my favorite human beings, some of the most relaxed people I know, some of the easiest going, have the ego under control, just super kind, friendly people. My favorite image search of Eddie,

by the way, on Google image search. Also, I'm going to be in Melbourne, Australia, December 3rd. That may be sold out, I'm not sure. And then New Zealand, December 4th. December 3rd, Melbourne. December 4th, New Zealand. I think there's spots still open for New Zealand.

I think Hamilton, New Zealand, I think. And then December 17th in Springfield. I'm doing a seminar that's a free seminar as long as you bring a gift, a gift wrapped gift for a Christmas drive that we're doing. So free seminar seminar 10th planet springfield december 17th also tonight the the movie that i did with joey karate and henato laranja we're putting it on my youtube channel tonight at midnight youtube.com slash twister eddie and um if you want to listen to my music reverb ReverbNation.com slash SmokeSerpent.

Thank you. So I don't know how many tickets are left for this show tonight. If any, it is a quarter to nine right now while we're wrapping this up. And the show starts at 1030. So it's still a long time from now. If you're interested, go to the Ice House website and find the number and call. And tonight we got Bill Burr.

We got Joey Diaz. We got who else, Brian? Brendan Walsh. Steve-O. Steve-O, Brendan Walsh. It's a goddamn stellar lineup, ladies and gentlemen, and me. I'll be there too. And thank you, everybody.

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Thanks, everybody. Thank you. We'll see you next week with God knows who. I think we got some crazy people lined up. Right Brian? Yes. Yes we do. Follow Death Squad on iTunes and thank you for everything. We love you. You fucking dirty

bitches. Dirty. We love you.