The Joe Rogan Experience - #1601 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Brian Redban is a comedian, producer, and co-host of the podcast and live-streaming YouTube show Kill Tony, and founder of the Deathsquad podcast network.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night! All day! Oh, hello! Hello, Joseph. Nice outfit you're wearing. Hey!

Awesome outfit for you. Yeah, we're burritos. And, uh, Jamie's in the Matrix. Jamie, what are you doing? Look at that. That is preposterous. Show him the pants. It's a full thing.

Where would, where would one get something like this? The internet. What do you mean? Oh, must be. Yeah. You didn't go to a store and shop? What's the company? It's called Dumb Good.

But isn't it supposed to have numbers? Is it, does it have numbers? It does, yeah. Oh, those aren't numbers? Yeah, I mean, if you look close, you can see. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's like officially licensed, I think. Ooh.

Ooh, official. They just pushed that movie back, if you look closely, you can see. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's like officially licensed, I think. Ooh. Ooh, official. They just pushed that movie back, the new one. They push everything back. They're pushing the James Bond one back forever because they think that theaters are coming back. No. Like, theaters are, that's over. That's over.

Especially since it's so much nicer. They kind of fuck themselves with Wonder Woman and all these movies like Soul that have been coming out at the same time. It's so nice and easy just watch it at your house yeah you don't have to listen to people talk and hear people on their phones and see people texting the the light flashes in front of you and yeah all the weirdness of movie theaters you know i have a friend who always brings a gun to the movie theater i go really he goes yeah he goes that one time that it happened in colorado i'm

like fuck that that's never happened to me again like think about how many times people go to the movies and how rarely people get shot at the movie theater it's like one of the safest places in the but that one time it's just like he just keeps a gun everywhere it's funny after that last shooting uh you know how you make reservations on in movie theater how you can pick your seats I noticed the next day I went to a theater near the theater that there was a shooting and I looked at the reservations and it was all around the exits

instead of the middle that's so weird there hasn't been any mass shootings since COVID right have there? Have there? No, there hasn't. But it's a mass shooting, right?

More than two people. I was going to ask. Right? Yeah, but there hasn't been like school shootings, like the big ones. There hasn't been like... Has there?

I don't think so. The problem is we get so numb to it. Like it might have happened and... Yeah. Oh, salute. Cheers. Cheers. Adult beverages.

What is this? Still Austin. Some whiskey. Cheers. Cheers. Adult beverages. What is this? Still Austin. Some whiskey. So how's it been moving here, buddy? It's great, man. I took the trip. Had the car drive me the whole way here, which was interesting. Oh, did you do that? Yeah, I had to take, you know, driving a Tesla from Los Angeles to Austin, and that's an experience because you have to charge. Yeah. You know, and it takes a lot longer. Driving a Tesla from Los Angeles to Austin, that's an experience because you have to charge.

It takes a lot longer. Does it get hairy when you look at your mileage and you try to figure out where the supercharger is? No, it's pretty nice because it does route it. It tells you, hey, you better go here. You'll have so and so much time left. There was one time where I got a little nervous just because there was a big traffic jam and stuff. But- What's the lowest you ever got? I think like nothing crazy, like five, 10%, no 10%.

Something like that. Oh, okay, that's not bad. But driving the whole way there, it drove the whole way here, and that was so much easier. The first night I drove 20 hours straight because I wasn't driving, it was driving. I was just bored. I went through every single podcast, you know, like- You drove 20 hours straight because I wasn't driving. It was driving. I was just bored. I went through every single podcast.

You drove 20 hours straight. How did you stay awake? A lot of coffee, a lot of Red Bull. You didn't take like Modafinil. What is that stuff? Is it Provigil? Is that Modafinil? Yeah. I always confuse that with Viagra. What's that?

That's a different time of the day. What is the... What happens if you take the two of them together hey stay up with what is the viagra stuff called provigil viagra no but no no but it's a provigil and modafinil is the like what's the real version what's the yeah there's a thing it's like sedafinil or something like that there's like yeah there's a thing like the active ingredient afanfinil or something like that. Sadafinil, yeah. There's a thing, like the active ingredient. Sadafinil. The brand name of Sadafinil is Provigil.

Right. But what is the actual chemical in Viagra? Oh. That's what I confuse. I confuse the two of them sometimes. Just look at your prescription bottle right there. Yeah, just look at the one that's in your pants. In your Matrix pocket.

What I took this morning was called Sildenafil. Sildenafil. Sildenafil. Okay. Yeah. There you go. No, it was pretty easy.

I mean, I don't sleep that much. I can stay up pretty late already. So it was, you know, and what was cool is every time you charge, you have to like sit there for like 25 minutes,

30 minutes. So you kind of like go outside. What does that give you, 80%? I go up, yeah. It usually takes you have to sit there for 25 minutes, 30 minutes. So you kind of go outside. What does that give you, 80%? Yeah, it usually takes you up to 80% because when you're charging a Tesla, the first half of the battery charges way faster than the second half. So it's faster to do it that way. But there was a lot of stops, and it kind of made it easier because you're stopping so much. Because usually when you're on a road trip, you're driving like five, six hours

until you get empty on a gas tank. But I loved it, man. It was great. It almost killed me once. But other than that, it was... What happened? It over... Like a semi was getting into my lane

and it over-exaggerated. Overcorrected? Yeah, overcorrected. So I did one that was like where... But the car handled it pretty self. I didn't spin out where I think if it was a normal car, I would have flipped and done all this. Well, you have the X and it pretty self. I didn't spin out where I think if it was a normal car, I would have flipped and done all this shit.

Well, you have the X, and so does Jamie. And the best thing about that one is the center of gravity is amazing. Like, they don't tip over. You ever seen those things where they hit them? Yeah, it's too heavy. And they just go, doot, donk. They just come right back. It's amazing.

There's a really cool website called Wham Bam Tesla Cam or something like that. And it's just such a great idea. It's just people send in all their Tesla Cam or something like that. And it's just, it's such a great idea. It's just people send in all their Tesla Cam videos of all the accidents and stuff. And it's amazing. Some of the videos you watch, like you're so safe in a Tesla, especially the X, you know. Is that the best one for safety? I think so. I think because it's just so big and heavy. Do you see the, there's some pictures that came out today of the new S. No. Oh God, it's so sexy. Came out today? Is it the plaid one? The pictures,

like some spy cam pictures came out today and the new design looks so amazing. Is it the plaid one? They don't know yet because supposedly there was plaid and a new refresh of the X and the S and it might be the plaid or it might be the plaid

or it might be the new refresh. But they've stopped production of the X and the S for like 14 days. And supposedly, they're going to see a refresh on both of them. A lot of people are thinking

the X is going to take away the doors and, you know, the falcon wing doors. Yeah, but those are dope. They're so great. They shouldn't take that away. I love that. Were you there when Tiffany Haddish

had it dancing in the parking lot? That's i bought my car you know that that happened that night i went home i'm like i'm getting one i was and i did my dumb shit where i was drunk and i'm like i'm just gonna get a loan and i bought it that night next day i woke up i'm like no i didn't but you love it yeah yeah i love mine it's it's the dopest car like every other car is dumb yeah that's just the reality of it i mean i still love cars i love little cars i love trucks i love i love cars i'm an automobile enthusiast but the reality is the tesla's the best car it's just the best i haven't driven the porsche tycan but i heard that's the shit too there was a review today or an article where it beat a Porsche GT3 and a turbo in some sort of a race which is just bananas for this electric car can beat like their best

performance cars yeah but no matter how hard they try or Ford tries with their electric cars they're never going to have that supercharger network yeah that, that's... That looks like a regular one. Wait, no, that's not the picture I saw, I don't think. What's the difference? I don't know. I don't know if that's the same picture I saw. Well, maybe it is. See how the sides are kind of like... Bulgy?

Yeah, where they kind of go indented or a little. Yeah, what it looks like... Well, it looks like the fender flares are bulged, which means... There's supposedly a new end back also. The thing about the Plaid is the Plaid has wider tires like the fender flares are bold bulged there's supposedly a new end uh back also the uh the thing about the plaid is the plaid has wider tires and it has uh i think it has more battery life too right absolutely but that was the thing about the truck like the truck can go to 500 miles

that's gonna fix a lot of shit as soon as you can do that like 300 miles is like whoo you know and the porsche don't think, even gets 250. Right. And like I was saying, there's no supercharger network for all these cars. Right. So that was one thing. I could never have done that with a Ford or a Porsche from the LA all the way here. It would have taken me like a week. I think there actually is a supercharger network for regular electric cars.

I just don't think it's the same setup. I don't know. I don't know how it is. It's not the same speed, and they're almost impossible to find. Really? Tesla has made it so there's stops everywhere, so they know if you're driving from LA to Austin,

there's a path you can go. Oh, so it tells you? Yeah. So if you put Austin as your navigation destination, it'll say, okay, Brian, you got to stop here gotta stop here you gotta stop here it takes you right there yeah yeah unless big brother knows that you're going there and then they wait for you right about this convertible conversion of whoa is that real yeah yeah there's a company in uh i think san francisco that you can pay it's like thirty thousand dollars and they'll convert any tesla into a convertible and it could either be automatic uh convertible or a uh like a hard

top they just pull off oh well you know what's dope is that they took a four door and they turn it into a two door too wow that's pretty fresh i bet that shit leaks though first rainstorm you think so well you know any of those aftermarket things are probably good for like a year or two. Yeah. Well, the real issue is the stability of the chassis, like the way the car is designed. It's not designed to be a convertible. Like that's one of the things they did with the new Corvette is that they designed it to be a convertible right away. So from the jump, it's a convertible.

So that when they make it a non-convertible it like it there's no rigidity loss i think they did that with a porsche with a 911 too they make them so that because the problem with convertibles is always they feel like a little kind of shaky like they don't feel like even my corvette which is like an aftermarket chassis it's like it doesn't feel like a solid car it feels there's a little wiggle to it that you that's uncomfortable there's like a little i'm thinking of ways i could fix that i might bring it to someone and see if they can engineer something that keeps it from wiggling yeah more structure yeah but there's something about those cars that don't have a roof. Like, I used to...

Remember I used to have that NSX? Yeah. When you take the top off, it was like a top that you take off. What's it called? What are those things called? Hard top shell. But it's like a... No, there's a name for it when you take...

A Targa? Yeah. It's like a Targa top. So it's like one piece roof that you take off. So it's not the whole roof because you still have the back pillars and everything. But even then, you could feel it was less stable. It was more wiggly. It wasn't as rigid.

Yeah, it makes you feel weird. I don't think I want a convertible anymore. Yeah, that's it. That's what it looked like. It looks like a little Fiero. Fieros were like poor man's Ferrari. My's what it looked like. That looks like a little Fiero. Fieros were like poor man's Ferrari. My sister had a Fiero. I love this.

It was fresh. She was balling out of control. That was back in the 80s. Yeah. Fieros were fresh. That was like Pontiac's version. They don't even have Pontiacs anymore, man. I know. Oh yeah, Firebird. Pontiac. That was

the coolest car ever. Bro, my legs are sweating so hard. No, this is hot as hell. I'm sweating. Well, this is like the same material that they use when people are freezing in the woods. You wrap yourself in a blanket. It's crazy how much my legs are sweating. I took my pants off.

It's like a sauna suit. It is like a sauna suit. Keep it up. There you go. I'm going to lose some weight today. I'm going to get tight and in shape. That sauna seat thing is weird because I see people working out and I'm like, you know that's just water, right? Like, what are you doing? And it's dangerous, right? It's not good.

It's good to sit in a sauna. I don't necessarily think it's good to run in a rubber suit. It's like, doesn't your body need to fucking cool off? That's why you're losing all the water weight. Yeah, it's weird. People just want to get on the scale and see a number. Oh, look. That's the thing, those waist things that people wear,

those waist slimmers. What are you doing? Are you just lying to yourself? I'm making for guys. I almost bought it because I was like, let's see how this goes. I was like, I'm not buying that stupid thing. It's like a sauna vest,

it said. They'll find you and target stupid ads your way. I was like, what is this? This guy's dumb. He's dumb and weak. God,

I hate those target ads. It's a thing where like, people that don't, you know, they don't want to do the whole, look, it's fucking hard to lose weight. Everybody knows it.

So, if someone can come along and they offer you some sort of a fix, like a suck weight belt, you're like, does it work? Does it work? If there was something that worked that actually could make you slimmer, fuck, man. Have you seen Whitney using that thing that she puts on her ass

where it's like this giant, it looks like it's a thing to shock someone awake when they're dead. What is she doing? They put it on her butt and it's just like, it's like a butt workout. Yeah, she does that. I don't know. I think that's just where they grab. She probably explained it more, but like, I don't know what the fuck she's doing.

I am sweating like a pig under this thing. Yeah. Yeah, she's silly. She's crazy. She beats herself up a lot too. I noticed like every other day she has a huge gash on her face or something like that. COVID has not been unkind to a lot of us comedians that constantly need attention and need to perform. Man, I've been performing out here.

It's so nice to be on stage again and having shows again. It's weird. She's coming out here. Yeah? Yeah, she doesn't know if she's going to move here, but she's thinking about it. At least she's thinking about it. Turn the air on. I was going to say, it might be a little warm.

It's 73 in here. Oh, yeah. You want to do it? I don't know how to work it. Thanks. Yeah, a lot of people are moving here. Fahim's moving here. I know.

He comes out like next week or something. Holtzman's going to be here in a couple weeks. I got him on a show in a couple weeks. Yeah. Have Holtzman come back. Jamar Neighbors is on on Friday. Let's see if he wants to move here. Yeah.

He just won his first. We had him on a show last week. He just won his first fight at TKO in the first round. So is that the first fight he had? Because he was going to do some amateur fights back when we were at the comedy store a year ago. Right. Yeah. I think that's his first fight.

And he told me it was probably going to be his last fight. Oh, really? Yeah. Good. Yeah. Yeah. I told him, I'm like, listen, he's a stud. Like, you look at him, the guy's shredded.

He's obviously in tip-top magoo shape. But to be doing that, like, you really should only do that. Yeah. Fighting is not something, like, comedy requires a lot. And fighting requires a lot. And if you do the two of them together, you're going to miss something. And I felt like that when I was fighting and doing comedy at the same time. In the beginning of my stand-up career,

I was half-assing both of them. You just really can't do both. Especially back then, I had a full-time job too. It's like there's no way. There's not enough time. That's the thing. People want to like – they think they could do everything. You fucking can't.

You got to know what your time is. What is the number of hours you have in the day? Like, how much time do you really need for something? You know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, especially when it comes to comedy, you should probably protect your head, not injure your head when you have to remember things and talk.

That's true, too. But a little bit of brain damage is good for comedy. It really is. It is. Like, look at Kennison. Look at Roseanne Barr. They didn't even get a little bit of brain damage. They got a lot of brain damage. They both got hit by cars.

But that's what made them. Yeah. Yeah. Remember when Luke Skywalker got hit by a car? Oh, yeah. After Star Wars, and it changed his whole entire look. Oh, that's right. It fucked his face up, right?

Looks like a different person almost. Almost almost it kind of looks pretty good now did it did it like take a while before they figured out how to fix it well i just know from like if you look at star wars and then like empire strikes back i think it was between those two movies you could tell there was a definite like i remember he had like some kind of weird scar or something or he tried to put a lot of makeup on his face to make him look a little bit more normal. I thought it was, is that it? What the heck? Was that before the makeup?

Wow. Wow. Is that right? I don't think that's it. I was looking at the picture when he brought up the scar. I don't think that's it. I think the injury happened afterwards. This is from Empire Strikes Back,

so that would make sense. Okay, before Empire Strikes Back began filming, Hamill was in a car accident and fractured his nose and left cheekbone. Hmm. What does it say? Keep scrolling down again. It says,

the wampa mauling Skywalker's face may have been a way to explain Hamill's appearance. Let me see what it looks like there. That's not that much difference. Eh, it's a little different. If you type in before and after, I remember there was a really good photo that kind of showed. I guess I'm used to people getting their faces smashed in.

Right. It's funny, but you do get accustomed to that. Eh, not much. to that. Not much. Not that big a difference. Yeah, you get accustomed to people getting their face smashed in. What number did you set the AC to? 69. I am going to lose weight during this podcast.

It's at 73. It should be dropping slowly. I can't believe how much sweatier these are than the other ones we've used. Last time we wore these, I don't remember it being this bad either. No. This is a different one. This is like, this must be that shit that they use when you get trapped in the woods. You accidentally bought a real one.

When you're a hiker? Yeah. Because we did wear these silver ones before, but these are new ones. These are different. Yeah, these are different material. These seem more legit at keeping you warm. Yeah. This is as if you go outside the spaceship.

We're going to have shiny heads this episode. Yeah. My shirt is already soaked. It's not good. So how has it been doing Kill Tony here? You're doing it at Antone's, right? It's great, man. Antone's is an amazing place.

Sweet place. I love that place. It's got a lot of history. You know, me and Tony pretty much... No, that's the new one. Oh, that is? Yeah, yeah. Antone. I love that place. It's got a lot of history. You know, me and Tony pretty much... No, that's the new one. Oh, that is? Yeah, yeah. Antone's in general has history, but that Antone's is a fairly new location, apparently.

Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. Yeah, I mean, the venue's amazing. You know, me and Tony have actually reset the whole entire show, you know, because the band didn't want to move out or they couldn't move out. You know, Jeremiah's about to have a baby and stuff like that. So we got a whole new band. We got Gary Clark Jr.'s band,

which is just like their legit band. Wow. And those guys already all got COVID. So they're not worried about shit. That makes a lot of sense. They're not worried about shit. They got COVID when Jamie and I went to see Gary perform. Jamie and I went to see Gary perform with Suzanne from Honey Honey and Tony.

And Tony got COVID. Right. Everybody got COVID but me. And me. Yeah. Well, I was not. You weren't there that night. I know.

But you still haven't gotten it. Yeah. How do you think you're not getting it? I don't know if it's all the stuff you've been telling me to take. Like, you know, I've been taking everything from zinc to turmeric or vitamin D, corstein. Yeah. I don't know if it's all the stuff you've been telling me to take. Like, you know, I've been taking everything from zinc to turmeric or vitamin D, corstine. I don't know, man. It has to have something to do with it.

I think that because I've been around, like we did a podcast once where it was me, Brian Holtzman, and one of the guys had COVID right across from us. And the next day he got super sick. So he had it while we were all together in this locked small room didn't get it none of us got it is holstman on the vitamins too yeah yeah really yeah so it makes me wonder if uh or that if it's just you just some people are immune to it more than others well they do say that some people who've gotten colds you know like if you got colds and you develop immunity to coronavirus it might in some way protect you from this coronavirus.

They also think there's some sort of variability that has to do, a lot of it is just guesswork, right? They think there's some variability with blood type. They think that O positive blood. What blood type are you? I don't know. I'm the one that anyone can take, I think. I think that's O positive.

O positive, yeah. I think that's it, right? Is that it? I don't know. I think that's it. I I think that's it, right? Is that it? I don't know. I think that's it. I thought it was smoking for a while. But then Dave Chappelle got it. Yeah, but Dave has no symptoms at all.

What's that? O negative. O negative is the one that everybody can get? Universal blood type. Dave has no symptoms. Yeah. My real estate lady, no symptoms. She went through the whole thing.

She goes, I never felt better in my life. I wonder if Dave lost his sense, though. Because I know a lot of people that didn't have symptoms, but then they lost their taste or smell for like two days. I don't know. I'll call him later and ask him. But Radio Rahim, his buddy, no symptoms either. Right. It's weird, man.

It's like I wonder what's going on. I wonder if there's a thing that happens to a virus when it goes through a number of hosts that it sort of dies off that it becomes weaker you know and that's part of herd immunity part of herd immunity is a bunch of people develop antibodies for it and also like like the spanish flu like spanish flu kind of just died off like they and there's a thing about fauci the other day he said the virus plateaued. The problem is, like, you don't know with these motherfuckers how much of what they tell you is political. Like, how much did they not tell us while Trump was in office? And how much are they telling us now?

You know, like, in terms of what's safe and what's not safe, opening businesses, what you can do for your health. Like, it's weird. It's such a fucking weird time. I guess the U. the UK has a new version that's more deadly not more contagious but more deadly another new one yeah it just came out yesterday or today it's like mixed tapes I know oh God yeah and China's wide open yeah is it yeah or that where the the uh where it started I saw this whole thing where they're just like, nightclubs are all open. Everyone's like going crazy. See, I don't know about that, if that's real. That might be propaganda.

You might get there and fucking everybody's welding inside their homes. You know? Yeah. Like, who knows? Yeah. But I do know New Zealand, which has zero cases at all. Like, Dan Hooker just fought on Fight Island, and he can't go home. He's from New Zealand.

He can't go home until... He's quarantined until February 21st. So if that means maybe if he goes home, he has to just sit tight and can't go anywhere and can't leave the house until February 21st before he goes outside. But they have very strict quarantine laws when you get outside the country.

I think they have that in America too, right? What is this? This is Wuhan now. Look at that. Yeah, but is that real? Yeah. These pictures are from a couple days ago. They do kind of have masks. Some of them do.

They always wear masks, right? She pulled out her mask to smell that, dude. Look at her. I just smell you. Wow. February 2020. It's March, I guess. And here we are in 2021

And they're buck wild So what has happened They've gone through It's gone through the city They haven't been vaccinated right Do they have a vaccine I wonder Or if everyone just got it

I'll look through and see if they have a conclusion in here Finally people are accepting the idea That this might have come from a fucking lab. It's hilarious. I brought it up once with Brett Weinstein and some fucking ridiculous liberal smear website was saying that I'm promoting a dangerous conspiracy that it emanated from a lab. Like the fucking lab is right there. It's not a conspiracy theory. The lab's right there.

Like it's not like we're making up the fact that there's a level four lab right there it's fucking right there there's two labs there by the way like what are you talking about is that a dangerous conspiracy because they thought it was because trump because trump but trump was such a problem for so many people that any theory that you had if trump was like anti-china you couldn't say anything that possibly would connect china to making a mistake that caused this virus to be released you you'd be a part you'd be alt-right how long do you think until trump comes on this podcast he's not going to you're not going to happen i don't think so i don't think so and even a couple months maybe though yeah why i you know he's he's gonna try to run again i think you think

yeah i think he's gonna do that patriot party thing that's what i think he's gonna do something he's gonna come up with some name for it but patriot party seems right up his alley yeah like that seems like the kind of party that a guy who has a gold toilet would come up with that's the name like i would imagine he has a gold toilet. He calls it the Patriot Party. He's probably going to do a his first press conference on American flag tie. It's probably going to do well if he does, but I don't think it's going to do as well as it did last time.

It would have done much better if it wasn't for the Capitol Hill attack. The Capitol Hill attack sunk his battleship. I think that's a wrap. I think that's a wrap yeah i think that's a wrap for him in his aspirations they're first of all they're never going to let that die they have this thing that he did that is this real it's a real thing he really did say we need to show strength

march towards the capital he really did incite these people to do this and a lot of the people that did do it they're using him saying that as their legal defense the people that got arrested they say trump told us to yeah it's fucked bro and now he's immune to all these lawsuits i bet he's just gonna have piles of lawsuits he's not immune to lawsuits yeah yeah yeah he's yeah he's well he's also in trouble because whatever lawsuits... He could have never pardoned himself from the lawsuits from the state. So the state, like all the criminal charges the state was filing against him, were always going to be possible. And New York State apparently is filing a bunch of shit against him.

They're not going to let him go, man. It's going to be rough. Right. It's going to be a rough time. Probably jail time, I imagine. He should have pardoned Snowden. He should have pardoned Snowden and should have pardoned Julian Assange.

I mean, they're coming after him anyway. He should have, at least, he would have got the support of a lot of people on the left. At least he would have got the support of a lot of people that, that could have at least acknowledged the positive things that he did.

Like the fact, oh yeah, the economy was kicking ass before COVID. Oh yeah, unemployment was down. Oh yeah, deregulation does have some benefits. But yeah, he did bad things. But this is, you know, this is real. But no one's even going to talk about those things now. You'll hear it from some Republicans that'll bring up, what about the good things that Trump did?

And they'll have some Fox News segments where they'll discuss, and OAN, that network, and Newsmax. They'll fucking try to beat it down. But at the end of the day, that Capitol Hill thing, that's a wrap. I'm surprised he didn't do Tiger King, man. Like, you know, that guy was trying so hard. i'm surprised he didn't do tiger king man like you know like that guy was trying so hard i think he said that trump said that he thought trump well he thought that trump felt like he was too gay to pardon but meanwhile this is he's a perfect example where i don't buy that this

country's homophobic like that guy was the most popular man in the country for several months during the quarantine when everybody's locked in their house and people loved him they loved him and he's gay as fuck not only is he gay as fuck he's he's converting straight guys he's banging straight guys giving them meth and butt fucking them and then having them work with tigers he does a totally irresponsible thing right he has fucking wild predators that he keeps locked up in these stupid fences he's totally irresponsible but meanwhile he was our number one hero i mean it just shows you like if you're just an undeniable character and he's an undeniable character we're like ah we fucking like him we don't care if you're gay we don't we just don't

like annoying people and if you're gay and you happen to be annoying people just don't like annoying people. And if you're gay and you happen to be annoying, people just don't like you, you'll say, oh, those people are homophobic. Maybe not. Maybe you're just annoying. Maybe people aren't really that homophobic. Maybe it's a small percentage of the population today that are homophobic. Maybe what's really going on is you're annoying. You know? Maybe that's it.

Tiger King Joe Exotic now wants a pardon from Biden. Not going to happen. It's not going to happen. Buddy, how long is he in jail for? Ten years, I believe. So he's probably going to be out in five, wouldn't he? Is he only in ten years? That's what I thought.

What did he go to jail for? Wasn't he trying to kill somebody? Unfortunately, Joe Exotic, one of the hit men, yeah, there you go, he attempted to hire was an undercover FBI agent. Exotic was arrested and charged with two counts of murder for hire, eight counts of violating the Lacey Act for falsifying

wildlife records, and nine counts of violating the Endangered Species Act. Well, how long is he in jail for? Why did he think that Trump was going to pardon him? Like, it doesn't make any sense that Trump would pardon him. Because his... Hold on.

Scroll down again. Fox News reports the exotic legal team had fully believed that exotic's names would be included on the list of pardons granted by Trump prior to his last day in office. One legal team member had even waited in a limousine outside the prison in which exotic is being held in the event the pardon was announced. I was trying to show you a video of that. It's a big, long stretch, like Hummer limo. It's sad.

The limo driver's just sitting there like, anytime now, waiting for the call. It's a sad thing. I wonder why they thought Trump was going to do it. Well, it's because his Trump's people kind of match with him. You know, like that whole show was pretty much Trump people, or Trumpers, you know, like the cast, I guess. Oh, the people that were on it?

Yeah. Well, the less sophisticated trumpers right right you got trumpers that are like the republican businessmen type who want no regulations for anything and they want to just be able to dump toxic waste into the river and then you got the trumpers that are just not that sophisticated and like he's my guy you know when you're like coming down off of math and you don't want to think too much and he says something cool on TV like yeah I started watching this show last night you've seen my 1,000 pound sisters wow that's that's crack right there all those shows TLC Have you talked about this a million times? I can't watch that.

Wow, that's crack right there. I can't watch that. All those shows, TLC or whatever network, they do a good job to just reel you in and just make you watch everything. Good job of exploiting people. Yeah. What a good job.

But yeah, I highly recommend watching that show. It makes you feel so good about yourself. I highly recommend you try some of this tobacco. Oh, this looks like good tobacco. It's very good tobacco. Yeah, I don't like those shows, man. They make me feel sad. I don't know why.

But particularly people that are overweight. Like those people that can't move. They need to fucking get cut out of their house. They depress the shit out of me. Everything changes when you have kids, dude. Because you look at them as like, that was someone's baby. That was someone's baby. This guy, he got a shit deal.

He got parents that just probably didn't pay attention to him, or someone abused him, or he got terrible habits that he developed early on or he got bullied or horrible things happened. And now here he is just just satisfying himself with stuffing things in his mouth all day. It's sad, you know? Yeah. The show is pretty sad and depressing, especially when you realize because, you know, a lot of those people, you always wonder, like, do they, how much do they really eat?

And then you watch them ask them, how many cokes or soda poppies do you have per day? And they're like, 12, 14 a day. Holy shit. Yeah, that's where a lot of it comes from, sugar. A lot of them are drinking it. They're drinking their fat on. Dude, I tell you, Liquid IV has saved my life from not having. I used to always be like Diet Cokes

and Gatorades and Power Aids and stuff. I drink like three of those a day now. Dude, the Onnit gym is not too far from here, son. How about you go on down there? I'm going to build a gym. I have a room for a gym. I just need to buy something. Yeah, but the problem is what you need is a trainer.

You need someone that makes you work. That's what you need. That's how you're going to lose weight. That's how you're going to get healthy. You're not going to do it on your own. You know how I know that? Because you've never done it yet. I've known you forever. I'm not a trainer.

I've known you for so many years. Yeah, but you've known that I'm good at diets and I can take like, yeah. You did lose a shit load of weight once. 65 pounds or something like that. Yeah, but that was like breakup time and you got energized you're trying to get laid what's weird now is that it's it's so funny because if you would see what i eat every day you'd be like how is that possible my like whatever my uh metabolism metabolism's just got to be the worst metabolism ever well the problem is here's the thing in order to lose

weight you can't eat reasonably. Right. Because that's just going to keep the weight on you. Like, where your body's at right now, right? Your body's not burning the fat, right? Especially if you're eating carbohydrates. Your body is burning mostly probably carbs. So whatever you eat, if you eat enough to just fuel you during the day, you will stay the exact same weight.

And people are like, well, look, Brian eats really reasonably. Right. True. But that doesn't make up for all the shit you ate all those years that make the weight pack on you. So to lose weight, you have to be at a calorie deficit.

That's the end of it. Like, you know, you could go keto and you can go paleo and there's probably some benefits in that and like bloating and visceral fat and you know from eating too much gluten and sugar and stuff but the end of the day the only real way to lose weight is to be at a calorie deficit like when i was doing the carnivore

diet last year um i lost a shitload of weight because i didn't do any cheating this year i cheated a bunch. I got bored. I ate chips the other day with salsa. It was so delicious. And I've had dessert three times. So I've cheated like at least four times. But still, pretty strict.

Other than that, I'm just eating meat. But that year I didn't cheat at all. Last year I didn't cheat at all. And I didn't eat much. I ate mostly ribeyes. I was eating like ribeye steaks. I'd eat a ribeye in the morning, and then I'd be pretty satisfied until nighttime, and then I'd eat a little bit of meat at nighttime, and I lost 12 pounds in a month.

But I've lost five pounds this year. I loved being on the keto. I want to actually do that again, especially living here. But it's so boring after five months or so. You're just like, God, I just want chips and sauce. Sometimes you just want a bowl of rice. Sometimes you just want rice with chicken and some garlic sauce. You remember that place, that Cuban place that was in Encino?

Did you ever eat there with us? Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that called again? Versailles. That's right. Versailles.

Cuban food. The sandwich, the pepper sandwiches. me and you joey diaz dude that chicken with garlic it's like a garlic lemon sauce with onions with like a lot of raw onions and rice like cheese we would just just inflate ourselves at that place so good there's something about interesting like cultures foods are so distinctive. Like you go to a Cuban restaurant, it's like the food is almost like the people. You know, it's almost like festive and celebratory. You know, the food's got like a la to it. It's got like a lot of fun to it.

You know, whereas other food is like, I mean, I guess like sushi is disciplined, right? Because of these like disciplined portions and the tastes are delicate and it's made like have you ever seen jiro dreams of sushi oh yeah it's amazing right i thought it was gonna be boring i was like i'm not gonna watch a documentary on a guy who makes sushi you cut fish you put it on rice but ignorant me like you watch it and you go oh okay well this is like everything else like making sushi is kind of like everything else like there's some people that just go way past where everybody else is doing it that's that ATX sushi bar ATX whatever they call it what is it that's the name of it sushi bar ATX yeah the place out

here yeah god damn it was good dude yeah I have reservation next month I'm freaking out I can't wait it's's so good. It's incredible. But they're artists. That's the thing. Like that was, becoming friends with Bourdain and watching his show, there it is, Sushi Bar.

It made me realize, mostly watching his show really made me realize even before I became friends with him, that food is an art form. I didn't think of it that way. I always just thought of it as food. Just,

it tastes good. Oh, that guy knows how to make that. Oh, that's delicious when she makes it. It's good food. But I didn't realize, like that way. I always just thought of it as food. Just tastes good. Oh, that guy knows how to make that. Oh, that's delicious when she makes it. That's good food. But I didn't realize like, oh, that's like, like I'm narrow minded with my view of what an art is, you know? Yeah, especially when it comes with food.

If you can make me eat something that I normally think is disgusting and make me go crave it, that's amazing. Like when you first, a long time ago, you took me to get fog raw for my first time and i was scared i was disgusted i was like i'm what you're like telling me how horrible it is and how i mean not horrible like what they do and and you know this is like me having sushi i had sushi for my first time 10 years prior to this you know i'm yeah i'm a new ohio guy and uh i remember you sat me down and i got me my own plate.

You're like, you want your own. I'm like, I'm thinking in my head, I'm going to barf. I'm going to have to force myself to eat this. That first bite, it just melted in your mouth like butter. And just so, I've become addicted. Your body knows that liver is good for you. It's just like regular liver just is too weird. The texture is weird.

It's weird. Like we're babies when it comes to food but you know who knows dogs you ever eat liver around your dog they go fucking crazy they they get real close to you they're like please please hook me up it's like no other food to them it appeals to their weird wolf dna they want the liver you would think though i had after that i started getting adventurous because you showed me like what real good food like that is so i went into that animal place in hollywood and i went and got brain i think it was like cow brain oh calves brain probably yeah you think that was good but that was horrible that was creepy i did not like that even though it was prepared probably amazing

it was the texture of remember that what is that? That cotton candy foie gras? Oh, yeah, that was at Vegas. What? Yeah, Bazaar. That is very good. Bazaar Meats in Vegas. It was basically cotton candy with foie gras in it. What did that taste like?

That does not seem good at all. It was good. It was just like a bite of food. Yeah. Oh, really? It's very small, but it's amazing. Oh, okay, it's small. I thought that was sort of thing. Oh, really? It's very small, but it's amazing. Oh, okay, it's small. I thought that was a big thing.

That's a place where they're, like, dedicated to a certain style of cooking meat. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. They were cool. It was weird. Like, I remember we ordered it,

and they were like, whoa, is this it? That place, they're dedicated to cooking meat over wood coals. They burn their own wood. You remember that? See if you can get a photo of the grill at that place, because it's pretty dope, man. dedicated to cooking meat over wood coals. They burn their own wood. You remember that? See if you can get a photo of the grill at that place. Because it's pretty dope, man.

Like, they made their own grill. Like, they put logs in there and shit. And then the wood burns down to these coals, and they scrape the coals down, and then they lower the grill. It's all, like, by hand. It's all old school, sort of like, there's a lot of, like, Florence, Italy. They make their steaks like that like like there it is see so it's just it's logs and they're cooking

the food right over the wood and there's a flavor that gives that's why those traeger grills are so good because it's really just wood and fire but these guys do it like the super old-school II way with logs so it's just fire and wood it's not propane there's no they're just lighting logs on fire and the food is just like there's something about it man it's really good it's great it's really good a lot of places they do it that way see how they have like they have these logs underneath and then they just push it to the side and then they can raise and lower that that wheel see the wheels on the top that those are what operate the height of the grill so they decide like oh this fire is hot

as fuck let me raise this bitch up or i want to try to like cook it a little slower i want to wait on it or you know bring it up to the top and cook it slow that's cool there's something about when people do it with real wood right like if you go to a barbecue place you see them using the barbecue pits and throwing the logs in there and checking it and tending it you know it's annoying right it's got to be annoying how much time does that take i used to do that in the boy scouts back in the day I haven't done it since. Like cooking a brisket, if you do it right, I bet that takes like fucking eight hours or some shit. Yeah.

I mean, how long does it take to cook a brisket? Eight to ten hours at home. Whoa. Wow. Oh, professional Argentinian parilla? Parilla? Yeah. So this is what it is for a home or restaurant.

Oh, look at this. What would you guess, Joe? What would you guess this is? Well is for a home or restaurant oh how much is this how much what would you guess joe what would you guess this is well it's big and it's beautiful so it probably costs a lot of money yep all right let's guess whoever's look at how it's got it man it's oh this is amazing and you could roll it down you got a folding shelf come on son all the prep i want that girl so bad isn't it it funny that what is old is now new? People like doing caveman shit. There's something about sitting in front of a fire. I bet it was hard to get a fire for so long that that shit's burned into our DNA.

It's like catching a fish. It's fucking hard to catch a fish, right? So when you catch a fish, your body's like, oh, we got one. Why are you excited about catching a fish? You would not be excited you caught like a duck with a hook you'd be sad you're like shit i got this duck all fucked up but meanwhile you eat duck so why why are we why are we so excited about catching fish because it was probably really fucking hard to do and so like it's probably really fucking hard to have a campfire so when you're camping it's not just the campfire feels good it like fires up some old like ancient dna memory like oh campfire good we stay alive tonight yes yes we did it like being out there alone with the sky above you

nothing but stars and trees and shit you got a fire in front of you like oh it's a special kind of excitement right and then you know you're you're just gonna lay down in a little cloth house in the wilderness the only thing that saves you is like maybe you have a weapon or maybe you have your friends will beat the bear off of you they decided just like use your your fucking tent as a sushi wrap for your body you know like people have been attacked in tents before one One of Steve Rinella's friends had a hunting trip where this guy, it was his first time,

not that guy, but the guy's friend, was his first time hunting. And in the sleeping bag, I think it was his first night, he got attacked by a 500-pound predatory black bear. And they shot the bear, and apparently the bullet hit the dude in the wrist, so it broke the guy's wrist. So they shot the bear, and the bullet hit the dude in the wrist so it broke the guy's wrist.

So they shot the bear and eventually shot it and killed it. But his friend shot the bear and the bullet hit him. Like, fuck, man. Jesus Christ. You know? I mean, if you've got a bear mauling you and you've got your arms raised and your buddy shoots it and it hits you,

like, what a rough night. You got shot. You're getting mauled. The bear's literally trying to eat you while you're in your bed. Everybody's worth nightmare. Go to sleep in this cloth fucking fake house in the middle of the wilderness. Should be fine. Everybody loves to do it.

Everybody knows what they're doing, right? And all of a sudden, this thing is tearing your body apart. Your friend shoots you, and eventually they get it. What a night. I was just watching The Patriot last night. Remember wolves we've talked about were an issue in a couple wars, but were bears...

Oh, yeah. Did they have to stop fighting because the bears were fucking people up? No, that's not real. Bears don't act in packs. See, the things that makes wolves so dangerous is they act in packs. And so during

world war one when the russians and the germans literally did have a ceasefire now uh the meat eater website actually went and researched this because i've said it so many times irresponsibly but i was told it by a legitimate historian i believe i'm trying to remember who told me it i don't remember um it's that goddamn tobacco. Gosh darn that tobacco. Gosh darn that tobacco. But it was a real thing. They really did have a ceasefire because the troops were getting torn apart by wolves. Because wolves, like when they're hungry, man, like if you've got to think about,

there's a few hundred guys, and how many bullets can you even fire back then? I'm looking at their website. This has become a favorite bit of bar and banter among amateur historians like the powerful joke okay i'm not even i'm not even a fucking amateur historian i'm maybe one day i'd like to be an amateur historian guy so in 1917 a dispatch from berlin noted large packs of wolves moving into populated areas of the german empire from the forests of lithuania and, look at that name, Volhynia. Locals hypothesized that war efforts displaced the wolves, so the canines started seeking out new hunting grounds. The hungry wolves infiltrated rural villages, attacked calves, sheep, goats, and in two cases, children.

They also showed up on the front lines, feeding on the fallen and sometimes taking advantage of incapacitated fighters. Parties of the Russians and German scouts met recently and were hotly engaged in a skirmish when a large pack of wolves dashed on the scene and attacked the wounded. Holy fuck. Reported a 1917 Oklahoma City Times article, hostilities were at once suspended and Germans and Russians instinctively attacked the pack, killing about 50 wolves. The Russian and German soldiers

temporarily stopped being enemies once they found a common foe. Both sides agreed to a ceasefire if the wolves interrupted another battle. Isn't that hilarious? Poison, rifle, hand grenades, and even machine guns were used successfully or were successfully tried in attempts to eradicate the nuisance according to a 1917 New York Times article but all to no avail the wolves nowhere to be found quite so large and powerful

as in Russia were desperate in their hunger and regardless of danger as a last resort as a last resort two God, I can't read. As a last resort, two adversaries with the constant of their commanders,

the consent of their commanders, entered into negotiations for an armistice and joined forces to overcome the wolf plague. Wow. Isn't that wild? Like, that's what people really need, right? We need aliens invading us so we come together like in a Tom Cruise movie.

Like, that's what America needs right now. We need an alien invasion. That's what the wolves are, right? They're not us. They're something else. We can all decide. I like people, even Russians that we're at war with, or Germans that we're at war with, if you're on the other side. I like them more than I like wolves. What if we have an alien invasion like every

week and we just don't know about it? Isn't that what a virus is, man? What's a virus? You know, I know it's here. Right. But it's not us. And it's an invasion. Like this thing, it's almost like if one day, right, Elon Musk is terrified about artificial intelligence.

Not terrified. He should stop making shit. Reasonably concerned. No, I think he's right. You know, I think a lot of scientists are concerned about the one day, what happens if one day you get a sentient, you know, meaning something that can think for itself, artificial thing that decides it wants to take over the world and it wants to build other artificial things. Like, I don't know how you would get those instincts i guess you would have to program it into it or would it develop them eventually when it realizes like if you give it a certain amount of autonomy if you gave artificial intelligence a certain amount of ability to read like it'll think through its mind and read the like see how the future is going to play out if it goes about things the way it's going about

things right now okay you know i'm gonna have to change my programming and make it so the the best way is like i make more of me because these silly fucking apes with their nuclear weapons these people are crazy and they made me oh jesus christ like they don't know what they're doing i don't need them around they're gonna fuck up everything they're ruining the whole they don't know how how to make a better version of me so it would make a better version of itself and it would also develop all the instincts that all the other animals have all the other life forms that we're aware of when they have to survive they develop weapons why i think walruses have that big that big ass tusk right isn't that they use that as a weapon right like gorillas type balloons too gorillas have weapons gorillas just eat plants all day they

don't have to kill anything with their mouth. All that shit is to keep other gorillas from fucking their girl. That's what that is. And I guess animals to keep the other animals. But who's going to attack a fucking gorilla? They just go to sleep on the ground. Artificial just needs an operating system so that it can grow. Once it has a formula, that's when it's going to start cloning itself. It's going to start making an army. you know artificial just needs an operating system so that it can grow you know like once

it has a formula it's going to that's when it's going to start cloning itself and it's going to start making an army like that that dog that that elon had that donyell was chasing donyell rawlings a dog around in the hallways of the hotel did you see that video i did not uh but he i guess elon has that fake robot dog yeah you know that's shit. You give that dog an operating system, it learns how to make itself and start fucking attacking anything that tries to stop it. You saw that episode of Black Mirror, right?

Which one? Heavy Metal, where there's this drone, spoiler alert, that's chasing this lady. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes. Remember that one? I think so. It's trying to kill her.

Last season? I don't remember. I haven't watched that many of those. Me neither. I love it. I love it every time I watch it, but it's one don't remember. I haven't watched that many of those. Me neither. I love it. I love it every time I watch it, but it's one of those things where I've never watched that many of them.

I like the likes and the up-down likes. We talked about that a long time ago, about Facebook likes and up-down likes, and then they made, that's pretty much that whole episode about that. Yeah, we talked about that for people. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Look at that. Yeah, that was the episode that thing was so crazy and so scary and so realistic that's elon's dog um i think what we're talking about with this the virus being leaked from a lab i'm sure no one wanted to kill two million people i'm sure it was an accident right if it did get leaked from lab but that would be the same thing if an artificial intelligence robot war machine got leaked from a lab and just took over a factory and started building versions of itself far superior and then made an army and decided to take everyone's weapons away take it to give everyone the amount of food they need every day

so they can't get fat what if what if these things just decide to be, like, logical with us? And you have too many kids. We're going to kill two of them. Like, what if it just decided, like, we need to keep the population of people down. This is part of what's wrong with the earth. Why all these animals are dying. We're looking at a chart. This is how much death and destruction in terms of environment that human beings are

responsible for. And the only sensible, logical thing, since you're going to die anyway, is to kill off a giant number of you right now because we need to lower their numbers. You'd be like, what are you talking about? And then all of a sudden the government sends you applications in the mail. You get to recommend what person in your family dies. So you have to sit around and you have to decide. One of us has to die.

Who's it going to be? Is it going to be me? Because if it's me, who's going to protect you? Is it going to be you? Because if it's you, then who's going to be the mom? Is it going to be one of the kids? Which one it's me like who's gonna protect you is it gonna be you because if it's you then who's gonna be the mom is it gonna be one of the kids which one do you not like what the fuck imagine if it comes down to that imagine if it comes down to that like that is what happens when things get away from from people they get away from your control i know it sounds crazy but didn't coronavirus sound crazy before it hit us well we lived our whole

lives without a real pandemic the one that like really affected civilization this way and shut everything down for like now we're going on what 10 months right dude if they had an artificial intelligence like the terminator movie that could that shit could be real absolutely and i think it's fast sooner than later like i almost feel like we'll see the beginning of it when we get super old you know just think how silly we are man think of the things that we fight about things are the things that we think are important think of how gullible some of the supporters of various politicians have been we don't even have to name names you know what the fuck i'm talking about how like To know that those people are amongst us and they vote just like you do.

Their vote counts the same way that yours does. Their opinions count the same way that your opinions count. And they're so fucked up. There's so many of them. They're so fucked up. And there's so many people that are not empathetic. How about that? So many people that think that if you're on the other side, whether you're on the red side or the blue side, fuck them.

You know, these are baby eating pedophiles and these are QAnon believing racists. And we're like divided in the weirdest way because I don't think it's real. I think when you get most people together in real life, they're not that divided. The problem is they get in big groups. They act like the big groups becomes like the internet right like bah Which shows like the bullying of the internet like when someone jumps on a case and other people like yeah Let me get my fucking get my kicks in you just want to dive on a person It's not much different than like crowds like mauling cops like that guy would never Maul that cop in real life that guy was hitting the cop at the Capitol

He would never do that in real life. But when there's thousands of people behind you screaming, you'll fucking do it. You'll do all that shit. That's what happens with people. We're fucking strange, man. And we could be divided in the easiest of ways. That's what we should be most concerned with. There's a lot

of enemies we have to be concerned with. We have to be concerned with people, you know, that are trying to infiltrate our power grid and shut us down and fuck up the internet. And we got to be worried about cyber attacks and physical attacks and terrorist attacks. We got to be worried about all that shit. All that shit's real. But we also got to be worried about attacks on each other. We got to be worried about that maybe even more than anything else because that could really be our undoing because it'll leave us weak and vulnerable this attacking each other and this lack of uh lack of a person that could bring people together like one person who could just

just so you can hear it just hear it because we all need to hear it we're all on the same fucking team this is america that's what it's supposed to be about it's not supposed to be your version of america and my version of baylor that's why tolerance is so important it's supposed to be we're all the same oh he likes to do this and she likes to do that who gives a fuck are you nice do you not steal my car we're friends great that's what it's supposed to be we just got to be more of that the real problems that we have one of the real problems they have we need fucking problems we go looking for problems and we don't have problems we'll find them we'll find them we'll find them in other people and it's like a lack of being healthy

in your own mind and in your own life like this where you can look at that and go what is that instinct oh that's some leftover shit because it it used to be really important to be in conflict. Because you had to take over. You wanted to get that food. You only had enough food for your village. You've got to take over this village. There's no women in our tribe. We've got to do something, guys.

We've got to go find some women. We've got to go fight. We literally had to fight with sticks to see who gets to fuck. All that stuff is still in our head, man. All that fucking old, weird that stuff still in our head man all that fucking old weird dna is still in our in our system what else do you think is going to come back because you you were saying how it's weird how the old stuff is coming back with those grills you know like the old the wood and fire like it's almost like hopscotch and marbles like what's next fun

marbles were the best dude i used to love marbles I had like a little like suede sack with the drawstring I keep my marbles in there some really pretty ones my grandfather made that thing where it was like you drop a marble on the top and go

have you ever seen one of those I have yeah he used to build those you know what's killing it right now chess yeah because of the queen's gambit

such a good show did you finish it I did oh great it's really good that's one of those how the fuck did I like this you know here's another thing that's another example like when people say that we need more diversity in film we need more women films and this no we

just need stuff that's great it doesn't matter it really doesn't matter it doesn't matter if it's male or female and if you're a woman you can't get roles, I get it. It's probably really annoying. However, but for final product, final product, people are more than willing to take a female hero. It just has to be a good movie. That's like Alien is the perfect example. Nobody gave a shit that it was a woman that was the hero in the end of that movie because that movie was fucking lit, right? It was so perfect. It was so good. You never thought, wow, there was a woman a powerful woman

figure in that movie you didn't even think about it maybe you would if you're a woman you were looking for a powerful woman figure but it was never forced down your throat you know it was never like carrie fisher being the emperor in star wars like wait what what is this and her and laura durham like we're the best we're the generals like and you're like come on that doesn't make any sense this is not good the alien when when you see sig, come on. That doesn't make any sense. This is not good. The alien, when you see Sigourney Weaver at the end, you bitch, get away from her. Like, that's real.

That's real when she's in the machine in Aliens 2, the second one. Was that the milk one? No, that was the first one. The milk one? Where he gets all milky, that guy gets cut in half. Oh, that was the first one. Yeah, that was the first one. Yeah, he got torn apart and they reactivated him isn't it funny what they thought computers are gonna look like back

then it was all like whack graphics and it was all numbers nobody had figured out a graphic user interface yet you know it's like war games you just typed in like do you want to play a game isn't it funny like what people thought computers were going to be? Because you never thought it was going to be a brand new smartphone where you'll have all these graphic things you're moving across. That's why it's so addictive, right? Because we're looking at all this cool shit. And the cooler the shit is, the more addictive it is.

Like, you know they have that Samsung phone that's out now? The Galaxy S21 comes out this week the ultra has uh 120 hertz refresh rate a giant 6.7 inch screen and it's brighter than any screen that's ever existed it's like the brightest smartphone screen ever and it's got a giant battery and you look at you like these motherfuckers just drawing you in they're just drawing you in yeah but i think once you go fold you won't go back it's all about having an ipad out of nowhere like i the galaxy fold 2 is killing me i love it i've never got it right here no i didn't bring it but you keep an iphone too all right iphone yeah i keep an iphone from a1 isn't that interesting yeah well this is more for surfing like you know what oh yeah i want to i want to i want to see a

full screen youtube video right now i want to yeah, I get it. I want to see a full-screen YouTube video right now. Yeah, that's what it's good for, right? Like having a second phone that uses just a media device. A baby laptop. Like, have you seen that new folding technology that came out that instead of having it fold out, it rolls out and just makes the phone bigger? They just showed an E3 a couple weeks ago.

That looks like someone's going to break it real quick. Well, no, it folds into this. You're going to trip and fall into the door. It's going to bend in your hand like it's made out of toilet paper. If it can bend like that, it's not rigid. No, no, but the back is still hard. You should look at a video. That's so hard, dude.

Jamie gave me some of his pills. No, it's cool because it expands with the phone. Like, it kind of, like, there's like a, like a, like, what's those? Like a roller thing. Yeah, but that's where it's got to be fragile. Yeah, but I think there's protection. If you put protection around it, it's like anything else. I don't know.

Supposedly that might not even come out, though. They showed the video and it says there's a bunch of things that might not come out now. Is it like a proof of concept kind of thing they said that oh i heard lg's getting out of the the phone game i think that's why well no they make the screens like most screens you buy nowadays is made by lg it's just like re right branded some screens samsung makes their own screens a lot and they make a lot of uh apple screens too but um the lg company i think is going to stop making phones they've been making some weird phones like they made that one phone that

flips sideways you know that one that turns into a t yeah the flippers have you seen that yeah like what is what is that when does that come up when do i need so when do i need a phone to turn into a fucking yeah but it's it's the samsung yeah that's so but it's the Samsung wing. Yeah, what is that? Yeah. That's so dumb. It costs $5. Zero. It costs $0? They're giving it away. They're giving it away. 29 bucks a month for 24 months, and they give it to you for free. Yeah, but at least LG is thinking outside the box a little.

That's not outside the box. That's in the litter box. Right. They're thinking in the box. I like the iPhone 12. I think it's solid. Yes. Connection issues. iPhone 12's great, but it didn't work for me.

Oh, what do you have? Yeah, I fucking got an iPhone 11. Because the iPhone 12, I bought it, and then I brought it to Verizon. They turned it on. Everything's great. In the morning, I wake up, and it just doesn't work anymore. It won't connect. It won't go to the internet.

It won't do anything. So I contact Verizon. I'm like, yeah, sometimes that happens with the new 12s. I'm like, what? Like, you have to buy them from us. Like, if you buy them from verizon they work every time but if you buy it unlocked from the apple store and then you try to apply it oh that's bullshit that's bullshit they couldn't figure out how to do it dude i was in the store for an hour and a half and then i was on the phone for an hour and i said listen turn the old phone back on i'm gonna give you the

numbers for the old phone so i have my 11 No shit I have my fucking 12 Dude I could have fixed it for you My 12 is a brick I could fix it for you How are you going to fix it? Because it's easy Also you should not No it's not easy

You should not be on Verizon network anymore That's old school shit What should I do? Where should I go? Do you have a deal? Obviously T-Mobile Do you have a deal with T-Mobile? No I don't

But they also teamed up with Sprint So now it's like two of the But in I'm not going to call you out on this, but I know you talked to that CEO. He's not even the CEO anymore. Oh, okay. John, yeah.

Who's the new guy? I don't even know the new guy. I don't. I promise you, I don't have any connection. But don't you have loyalty to John? A little bit? No. Once John left, I didn't give a fuck.

T-Mobile, no offense, seems like a mall company. Like you go to the kiosk at the mall. It used to be. It used to be. See, here's the thing. Is that bad, Jamie? I could break it down in like a minute. I'm sure it's great.

Maybe I should switch. I'll break it down in a minute. They were really huge in Germany, I think it was. And then they came here. Oh, they're Nazis. Is that what you're saying? They're probably Nazis. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding, T-Mobile. I'll buy a phone. Don't get mad. All right, I'm going to switch over to T-Mobile. But you know, the cool thing about them is that when they came here, they were considered shitty because they were building the LTE network and the next thing. And so once that came out, they were way ahead of Verizon and everybody else. And that's why they started kicking ass.

You know what else they had? The sidekick. Back in the day, yeah. They were the ones. I'm pretty sure it was T-Mobile. T-Mobile changed the game with the sidekick back in the day yeah i think they were the ones i'm pretty sure it was t-mobile or c-mobile changed the game with the sidekick i remember chuck liddell had a sidekick and i was real impressed with him except the camera remember the camera sucked and we always went the motorola e18 route because it was yeah well we were also we're in texting then that was when i had that

joke about texting. It takes you four presses to get an R. I'm like, call me, bitch. Fucking call me. Like, people don't know that back then you had a text from your phone, like, with the numbers. And you would have to press the R. It was four presses to get an R. You'd have to go through all the other letters.

It took forever. It was so annoying. And then some people try to convince you, no, I just use this. There's a T9 predictive text. I'm like, what? No, I want a typewriter. And then they came out with ones that had typewriters. I was like, oh.

That was nice. So much better. So much better. Yeah, the camera sucked. I was always going the other route. Like Trio was good for that. Remember we had those trios? Wasn't the T-Mobile sidekick the first time that people got busted with dick pics?

Wasn't that the invention of the dick pic? I don't remember. For phones? The first time you could take a picture with your phone, I'm sure someone did that. But wasn't that the first dick pic scandals? Did you save... Or naked people scandals. It was mostly girls, I think. But didn't they save the photo on the phone?

Oh, I remember what you're talking about. Something like that. Did someone put their phone in to get it fixed and people took the pictures off? They saved it to the e-card or the, what's the card? Sim card. Sim card. Yeah.

Do you remember this? Am I making this up? I kind of feel like I remember that. I'm not making it up? Parasilton's hacked sidekick. That's it. That's exactly what it is. It was Paris Hilton. I remember because I was thinking there was some other stuff with her, right?

Yeah, sure. But it's hard to say what was real and what was staged. Because there was a time it didn't last that long but where famous girls were giving up cooter shots getting out of limos. And it was so last that long but where famous girls were giving up cooter shots getting out of limos and it was so obvious that for the camera to be in the position that it was to take that photo

that these ladies must have been aware and so there was a thing where girls were stepping out of limos with skirts on and showing their pussy and it was like famous girls were doing it. And you remember that? It's just stopped. Yes. It just stopped. Do you remember it? Are you being sarcastic? Yeah, that's one of those things you'd realize,

wait, who was the cameraman? That used to be a thing that no one thought about. Sidekick disaster shows data's not safe in the cloud. And this is 2008? Yeah. I didn't even know they had a cloud back in 2008 oh that's right that's what happened oh yeah yeah that's what happened I'm gonna try Android yeah I tried this you should do both man try

this galaxy s21 ultra I just don't like there's a lot of things I'm upset with when it comes to like this the Apple system I don't like there's a lot of things that I'm upset with when it comes to like this the Apple system I don't like this iMessage weirdness I don't like this people send me a text and it comes in green but if you send an iMessage

it's blue I feel like I'm being lied to well you just gotta start hanging out with blues more man you just gotta hang out with blues the thing is though on the other hand it's more

it is more it's encrypted it is more private it is Apple is way better when it comes to privacy when it comes to they've taken like On the other hand, it's encrypted. It is more private. Apple is way better when it comes to privacy. They've taken legitimate steps to not just protect your data. When you use the Maps app, they don't give your fucking data away.

They don't sell your data. They get rid of all of it. And then also, when you think about this new move that they're doing where you can opt out of websites getting your information, right? What is exactly what it is? You can opt out of receiving ads. Sharing your information. Sharing your information. There's a few different things you can opt out of, though, right? Yeah.

I was actually, just last night, someone posted something about off. It's called like off facebook data or something like that i dug through the settings to find it i don't know how long they've been able to do this but we can go into your facebook settings and see what advertisers see of you and change if you want to change that you could turn it all off yeah you can turn a bunch of it off there was something that said like future. It says it's like tracking data on your – I don't know if that's exactly what it's doing. It sounded like it's tracking the data of your future computer browsing

to give you ads in the future off of – I just clicked it off. It's turning it all off. It doesn't sound good. That's why the new Safari filters everything you go through the Safari, and people are pissed off about it, like Facebook. Because they're not giving them about it like facebook because they're not giving them that data anymore because they're gonna lose all that they're gonna lose tons of

money because it's it's they've been doing something they should have never been allowed to do and they've gotten addicted to it that's what it is right i guess there's just a vague like like hey i am using a service i know it has to somebody has to pay the bills you know but when you see how much they're making off of it and how you're not making any money you realize like this is not a good deal right when you think of how much money google has made by figuring out the search engine by figuring out email and integrating email into the search so like you go looking for things and email knows what you've been looking at like hey look at that as an ad for brian i know you've been thinking about one of them scooters look at that scooter look at it like it glows look at that. It's an ad for Brian. I know you've been thinking about one of them scooters. Look at that scooter. Look at it.

Look at it glows. Look at the light in the back. It's so fast. It charges really quick. It just shows you. It's still not as good as it should be. It shouldn't be sending you ads for shit you just bought, too. You know, after you bought it. Right.

I don't know how it should know, but it should know you already bought the thing. Listen to Jamie, ready to give up more ass to Big Brother. Like, go ahead. Take more. I want you to know what I bought. Just to go on the other side. Haven't you bought anything in an ad that was kind of a good thing? You're like, oh, look at that. Oh, yeah, for sure.

And then you get it. It's not bad. That's the catch-22, right? You'll pay for your imprisonment. Secret. If you ever see an ad on any of that shit, you just copy the name of it and you put it into Amazon. Get it cheaper and through Amazon with faster shipping. Not always.

There's some shit you can't find on Amazon. I went to use some Instagram ad got me the other day. Couldn't find the product on Amazon. I've also had a lot

of Instagram shit never ship also. Like it was just fake ass businesses and stuff. Yeah, well you gotta think like some people

don't make it. Some businesses, especially new ones you never heard of before. There's a scam or it can't be like very big scam but i've heard of it happening where someone would buy something probably on ebay i think is where it would happen most likely happening like maybe they bought a bag of coffee instead of getting the bag of coffee they'll get 15 bags of coffee or the 15 bags of coffee and the coffee maker like a 700 order oh instead of sending it

back the people are just like man just keep it oh so yeah there's like some weird something they're doing like finagling money and it makes sense and stuff people are gross and when you give them a chance like covid everybody's locked up thinking about different ways to rip people off. Hmm. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up shit now. Have you got a gun yet? Huh? Have you got a gun? Of course.

I've got many guns. Really? No. You're in Texas. No, I have guns. No one's giving you a gun? I have weapons. I'll just say I have weapons.

Nunchucks. Huh? Nunchucks. Nerf footballs. I don't know, man. Maybe. If I gave you a gun, would you accept it? Absolutely.

Are you allowed to do that? Yeah. I just have to get a license. Here you just give guns. Oh, you can? You don't have to have a license. Fuck yeah. I need guns.

I was going to get guns in LA, but there's so many lines. And then everything I wanted was like, because I wanted a Glock 19, I think it's called. I'll get you one of those. Oh, really? That's sick. So which one? Yeah. I think that's a good one, right? that's a very good gun yeah you need a gun yeah we're in texas yeah especially since it's i've already had thank god for video cameras and security systems and stuff but i've already had people the worst pet peeve i've ever had is people coming up to your door even though it says no soliciting all over your fucking shit and they still they don't even

ring the doorbell because they know they don't that starts the recording or they think so they knock on the door and i i fucking yelled at people the other day i was like can fucking see no soliciting what are you doing uh i'm soliciting and i'm like well get the fuck you know i got mad trying to make a living brian i went off i get hate that shit. It's weird. Yeah. It's a weird way to make a living, too. Because, like, you could be a serial killer or sell an Amway. Right. Come on in.

Used to be a big job, right? Door-to-door salesman? I don't know about how big, I guess, but that's what it sounds like it was. I told this story before when I was a kid and I worked for a private investigator, Dynamite Dickless, Dave Dolan. We would go door to door and we'd trick people. That's mostly what we did. And this one lady, she was faking an injury and she was working, again, under her maiden name.

And I guess Dave knew about it. And he gets hired by the the he works for a private investigating firm and they send him out at the behest of the insurance company so they kind of know this lady's full of shit so we showed up at her house she invites us in gives us coffee just like had no idea we could have been the I felt so sad for her I want to say please like we're not here to hurt you we're just here to rob you of what you've robbed from the insurance company

and get you in trouble but please don't let anybody in your house like this Dave is such a bullshit artist he was great but he was like wow the whole thing was this was a scam we knew this lady's license plate number so Dave

would make a series of license plates numbers that were similar to that number but off by a little bit like one digit here or there and then what he would do it was he would knock on the door and say i'm really sorry to bother you but my girlfriend was involved in a car accident and the police took down the witness's license plate number, but then some coffee got spilt on the report and they don't know the plate. So I got a friend who ran the plate for me at the DMV as a favor. He's not supposed to do it, but my girlfriend's in a bad place and I'm hoping it's going to be you because here's the license plate number.

We went to this lady. It's not her. And she's like, oh, my goodness. No, it's not me. Is she's like oh my goodness no it's not me um is she okay yeah well you know what she injured her l5 l6 oh my goodness that's my injury i had an injury too yeah what you know you okay now you seem fine yeah i'm fine i'm fine you're collecting though right he says you're collecting insurance right she's like oh yeah not only not only am i collecting but i'm working under my maiden name.

Do you guys want some coffee? She lets us in her house. Wow. Like, oh, don't do this, lady. Jesus. I was like, don't do this, lady. I felt so bad for her because Dave just set up a trap. It's like a spider.

Like, oh, let me lay the spider web down on the wall. Come closer. Tell me about your job. How did you hurt yourself? Was it bad? And she says, no, it wasn't really bad, but I said it was. And now I'm working under my maiden name. That's great.

So you're collecting double. She's like, oh, it's the best. It's great. Hey, keep it up as long as you can. He says that kind of shit to her. And then we leave. Thank you very much. Thank you. And I it up as long as you can he says that kind of shit to her and then we leave thank you very much thank you and i'm like you gotta let her go fuck her she goes he was like fuck her he felt nothing that's crazy well that was his job that's how he made a living she's a scumbag she's fucking ripping people off i go dude she's so nice

she gave us coffee he was was like, fuck her. Fuck her. I've talked about that guy on the podcast before. He's literally, other than Diaz, the funniest person I ever met in my life. Is he still around? No, he died. He died a few years back. I only have one picture of me and him, too.

It's not the best picture. It's all like shitty, blurry cell phone picture that one of our friends took. He came to see me, and I was at Laugh Boston a few years back. I want to say four years back or so. And he died a little bit after that. I didn't find out he died until after it was over. He's friends with one of the guys who fights in the UFC, Matt, the steamroller for Vola. And I heard about the steamroller from Dave Dolan back in the

day before Matt was even in the UFC but I knew that he was hey this fucking tough kid this tough kid's gonna be fighting in the UFC bro he's the shit he's the real deal Joe Rogan he was a good guy man he was so funny he was just like Joey Diaz in a lot of ways

but an Irish version of Joey Diaz just a wild dude ways. But an Irish version of Joey Diaz. Just a wild dude, man. And quit boozing cold turkey. I worked for him because I was a private investigator's assistant. That was with the ad. He took an ad out in the newspaper, so I went to help want it. But it really wasn't a private investigator's assistant.

It was someone to drive him because he lost his license in a DUI. He got into a fucking chase with the police and crashed his car in a tunnel and ran away from it. The whole deal. The whole deal. And he's just like, fuck this. I'm not drinking anymore. Never drank again. As long as I knew him.

I mean, I met him in 88. Because I remember I had just started doing stand-up comedy. And I was still fighting. And he came to see my last fights. He came to a tournament, and he saw my last fight where I got knocked out. I didn't get knocked unconscious, but I got TKO'd. I got dropped with a left hook. I went down.

I got back up. My legs were like complete rubber, and this dude hit me with an uppercut, and I went down again, and the referee stopped the fight. I never lost consciousness, but I was definitely fucked. And it was so embarrassing because I knew him forever. And he saw my first two fights and I destroyed the first guy and knocked the first guy unconscious. And then the second guy beat the shit out of him. And so he's like, thought I was going to win the whole thing. And the final, this dude just, I was winning the first round too. This dude just caught me clean, hit me with a perfect left

hook. And my legs just went, night they just gave out it was the weirdest feeling well the weirdest feeling i think i ever remember from fighting because it didn't hurt it was like he hit a button and my legs just stopped working like you don't feel pain in fights for the most part unless you get hit hitting nerves like you feel it in the liver you feel it in the liver you feel it in your nerves and your legs like what happened to connor this weekend if you get your legs kicked you feel it there but a lot of feel it in your nerves and your legs, like what happened to Connor this weekend. If you get your legs kicked, you feel it there. But a lot of times you don't feel punches and stuff.

It's just like you're so flooded with adrenaline. Yeah, last time I got punched, I didn't feel it. I was like, did you just fucking punch me? What the fuck? Are you serious? How old were you last time you got punched? No, this was at the comedy store like two years ago. Who punched you? One of Richie's friends.

Oh, that's right. I forgot about that story. God damn it. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Yeah. But when it happened, I mean, he hit me pretty hard. But when it happened, I was like, wait, did you just do something to my face? You had the funniest reaction to someone punching you.

You came back to tell us. You're like, you punched me. I was like, did you just punch me? You weren't mad at all you were like i'm gonna go fuck that guy i'd be like that was so ridiculous you had like the most logical response to someone punching you it's weird i don't know you couldn't believe it was real yeah yeah well there was a few of those people you know the problem with the comedy store at one point in time There's a lot of problems with it But this is Most of them are good

Most of what the Comedy Store was was amazing But one of the things that happened was it became a scene You know I remember reading about that in the Kinison days They'd be like oh the famous people came to see Kinison And it just seemed so out of reach Like wow Like fucking Slash from Guns N' and roses used to come see sam kinnison charlie sheen used to come see sam kinnison like what what was that like my god that must have been

madness but then when it started happening to the store i realized like oh this carries with it a lot of liability there's a lot of other stuff that happens and one of the things that happens is people know that it's a scene and then when they know it's a scene they become like super interested in being there for the scene and so you'd meet guys who pretend they knew you and they didn't know you did you have that happen yes hey brian we were partying before bro you remember remember we were with uh fucking tim dylan we were partying with tim and you're like oh my god i've never partied with Tim. Like, what are you saying? Tim is sober. Oh, this guy's crazy. And you realize like, oh, shit. Yeah, I had it

happen Friday night at a show. This guy got into the green room when I got off stage. Everyone's like, who's that old man that's in the green room? It says he knows you. I'm like, what? What are you talking about? And they kicked him out. And I went around the corner to look at the guy. I'd never seen the guy in my life. Yeah. He scammed his way in.'d never seen the guy in my life. Yeah.

He scammed his way in. 1% of the population is schizophrenic. Right? Yeah, or more. I think it's one. I think drug abuse has probably pushed that number up higher. I think what drug abuse does, and I talked to Dr. Carl Hart, and you could catch his book, Drug Use for Grownups, Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear.

It's an excellent book, and he's an excellent person. But his take on it is, it exposes schizophrenia, which makes more sense, because how come pot doesn't turn you into schizophrenic? Well, I've heard it always sped up, if you had it in your coming.

Right, right. But then again, what exactly is schizophrenia? It's not like her not like herpes it's not like oh we could look at it here's it on the slide it's a herpes virus it's not a virus it's a deterioration of the brain that was going to happen eventually and it speeds it up you have a weak brain brain maybe what is it but they can fix it with some people like some some people, they give you the right medication and it goes away. Right? So what is it? Something makes your brain hard.

It's honey. What is it? What is it? I mean, they kind of know what the effects are, right? But you can't do a blood test to say, oh, Mike, you got schizophrenia. Right? They have to. Am oh, Mike, you got schizophrenia. Am I wrong? I'm completely guessing. I don't think there's a test for it.

I think they're monitoring your patterns, your behavior. Checklist shit. Let's Google this. Let's find out. How do they decide? Because we both know people that have gone crazy, appeared to be from drug use. One of my best friends growing up he used to be the guy that took like 12 hits of acid a day and you know what i mean that's a different

now he's now he's just a crazy person don't you think that's a different world though like that's so extreme like the the guys who do acid a lot yeah that's such a clear effect like who they were and who they became there's some fucking stress that happens to your system when you're doing hard core psychedelics where you're going through re-entry and the fucking tiles are flying off the vehicle and you don't always come out of that the same that you went in right i was always a one hit acid guy maybe a two hit if it was weak but they were always the 10 hit acid guy i took a sheet of acid you know i have very little experience with acid but i can't imagine taking 10 taking micro doses is a wonderful feeling that's a wonderful feeling that's like a really

interesting elevated feeling like they uh i have how do I say this without getting anybody in trouble? I have a friend who was microdosing mushrooms every day. And he loved it. And he has had issues with substances in the past. But with this, he goes, it just keeps, and I'm not saying this with his accent on purpose. It keeps me at a level state where I feel great all the time, but I'm not high. I can have easy conversations with people. I love everybody.

It just feels like medicine. That's what it feels like. My girlfriend used to do it all the time. She said it just kind of always makes you feel happier. But then they locked his dealer in a fucking cage. Oh, that sucks. That's the wackest thing to lock somebody up for, mushrooms. One then they locked his dealer in a fucking cage. Oh. That sucks. That's the wackest thing to lock somebody up for, mushrooms. One day they're going to look back on that.

Well, it's already becoming legal in some states. Oregon. Oregon just went balls out. Dude, it's happening. Oregon, listen, you fucked up Portland with Antifa and all that jazz, but you've done a great job with your use of... Everything's decriminalized. Steroids.

You go to Portland and become a bodybuilder. Even the cops are running people over. Did you see that? That was Tacoma. That was horrific. Yeah, that was horrible. That was horrific.

That was like a car meet, right? I want to know if it was accidental adrenaline or if it was slip of the pedal or if it was on purpose. It seems like it was on purpose. I don't know. It's hard to tell,

but if I was a cop, I'd be terrified right now. I couldn't be a cop right now. I'd feel bad for him. But if you're a cop and there's only one of you or two of you, and then these mobs of people ascend upon your car and you try to drive off, you're probably terrified. You're probably, like, how many cops are worried about literally being beaten to death by a mob today?

A lot. If you're the only guys there and people are i don't know what the scene was i saw a horrible clip but i don't know what the scene was before that i don't know how it went down cops are terrified and they and there's a lot of people that are like fuck the police defund the police they don't look at the police the same way they looked at them before and there's a lot of cops that are probably for good reason really scared i heard they're starting to wear fireman outfits just so that they don't get beat up. Did you just make that up?

You did. You couldn't even get through it. Can you imagine a cop just carrying around a fireman hat and a coat? Like, oh, shit. And they pull it off like Superman. I'm actually a cop. Lucky fireman. Do you remember in movies when there was an undercover cop?

The undercover cop always had its say. They was an undercover cop the undercover cop always had it say they were an undercover cop are you a cop we always used to thought that was true we used to think that was true they don't yeah they gotta tell you bro you can ask them i wonder if the cops are responsible for that and paid off media to say that kind of shit so that we all believed it i think it was probably just a thing that they did like to move a plot along in a stupid television show right don't you think i don't know but they don't have to tell you what's the guy that what's that guy that pulls out the sheet of paper out of the typewriter and he flies him he did that yeah that guy yeah what's that sit no what's that no sit good dog cheers i think they. I think they just decide. They just decide they're going to put some stupid things in a movie like that.

And they don't worry about whether or not people are going to believe it's true. Is there any truth to it, though? Because I almost feel like... No. They show cops, like when they were the fake prostitutes. Cops are allowed to fuck prostitutes for information. Do you know that? Do you know that?

Like in Hawaii, they had to actually change the law because cops were banging so fuck prostitutes for information. Do you know that? Do you know that? Like in Hawaii, they had to actually change the law because cops were banging so many prostitutes. Honolulu. Google that. Google cops allowed to fuck prostitutes in Honolulu. I think within the last four or five years, they made it illegal. But forever, cops are like, hey, I got to do what I got to do. I'm out there.

I'm trying to get some information. Get some guy who just likes banging hookers. And he's like, I want to do what I got to do. I'm out there. I'm trying to get some information. Get some guy who just likes banging hookers. And he's like, I want to work vice in Honolulu. I bang these broads. I give them a little money. They tell me where the fucking loot is. They tell me where the stash is. You could literally

be a cop who bangs hookers and it's part of your job. Yeah, 2014 it became a law. They couldn't do it anymore. So, they were fighting for that. And they're fucking, hey, I mean, this is really important in negotiations. We've got to be able to fuck hookers. We're all the hookers right now. They're all food delivery people, right?

I wonder if there's something you could put in the notes and have a secret code, like, come on inside. Why would you actually fuck a guy today when you just show your asshole on OnlyFans? Yeah, right, true. And guys would be like, yeah yeah they said that prostitutes would do a thing they would call a cop check to see potential johns by forcing themselves on the officers sexually and the expecting cops would not be able to go through with the encounter that's what i would say if i was a cop too well here's the situation a lot of times i'm talking to one of my suspects and they think i'm a cop so i gotta let him suck my dick it's the only way to save the people it's the only way it's the only way to serve and protect i gotta get head i wore a condom yeah it's so ridiculous up until 2014 but it kind of makes sense and you know female

agents have done that too female agents have fucked it they've fucked it they've fucked suspected they fucked suspected bad guys before you know like in james bond movies they really had to do that like they've actually done that before female agents have actually had to fuck guys that they were uh trying to get arrested or get them kidnapped or get them killed i bet it still happens but no one talks about it for sure dude if you're like if you're like some deep deep undercover agent out there saving democracy in azerbaijan or somewhere do you think that you gotta fuck some warlord do you think that they are known like tiktokers now like models or ig girls like oh they're the hottest ig

girl is a super spy no i bet it's way hard to get super spies in the age of social media because again they can just show their asshole on only fans and they make so much money they don't need you are there levels to OnlyFans? Is there an asshole level? You can see some titty for $10. It can be free, which it is for some girls. Some girls are just hoes. You know, the secret to OnlyFans, though,

is that they own everything you upload to them. Oh, no! So all these people, they're just selling their content for 10 bucks a month and the only fan owns it here's here's what's interesting about porn and online this kind of stuff all these different things is that everybody likes seeing people naked but if you show people you naked other people will get so mad they'll shame you but other people pay for it so there's obviously a market for it but we decide oh she's showing her asshole and only fans

but then your friends are like well what is what's the address like how do i get to this what's her screen name like how much does it cost to see her asshole like you know am i going to notice whether or not have five dollars or not like no but am i gonna notice whether or not i've seen her asshole yes so that's what they do they pay for it it's a fucking weird thing porn because everybody wants to have sex but nobody wants people to watch you have sex and they'll go oh look at you you like dick uh what are you doing eating pussy, you fucking weirdo? Well, I think it's mostly because people get jealous, you know, like couples. There's also men, right? If men find out a woman has done porn, they're like, ugh, just tainted, right?

A lot of guys think they're tainted. That'll probably change, though, as the kids now get older. As everybody does porn? Yeah, like all these kids have had a phone in their hand their entire life and they're just like good point always had a twitter account imagine if that was you when you were 15 if you had the cloud and you probably let people borrow your phone and meanwhile i remember having sex i used to like back in the day when live streaming first happened like when webcams first were made they had i forget what it was called, a V cam or something like that.

But you could do live stream all day long. So I would live stream all day long, like weeks. Like a camera was always on somewhere, like my bedroom or whatever. Like a Truman Show. Yeah, like Truman Show. You did your own.

Because it was the new thing. It was like, oh, you could stream all day long. What was the TV, the other one? Was it McConaughey, Ed TV? Was it him other one was it McConaughey Ed TV was it him was that Justin TV just no remember Justin TV I do but I mean the the movie yes oh was it Ed TV was that McConaughey yes so he had became like a regular guy that became like a superstar I mean it's funny because remember watching that movie like that's never gonna happen that's everybody now.

My daughter, my 10-year-old, loves Sniper Wolf. Sniper Wolf? Sniper Wolf is a YouTube character. She's this chick that's on YouTube who makes fun of shit. But here's the deal. She used to watch this other chick play video games. And the girl was very pretty. And maybe what she's

saying speaks to a nine-year-old like for her it made a lot of sense but for me it was so annoying because she was always watching this i was like this is so boring like why are you watching this and they'll show that she has this new one this sniper wolf chick and i have the same attitude and i'm like well this is boring this is gonna be boring like what do you want she's like daddy you have to see this. This is so funny. And it's her, the sniper wolf chick, reacting to this little kid that's at one of those child beauty pageant things. And it was fucking hilarious. I was laughing.

I was, like, legit laughing. My 10-year-old, it was like she was watching Richard Pryor perform. She was on the ground, like, holding her stomach, laughing her funny to you it was funny she's good so this is like reaction videos yeah yeah oh i thought it was a cartoon at first but but she's like this hot chick that does like reaction videos but she's actually funny right it was funny i do i mean i watch a lot of stuff that i that is embarrassing like like my playlist of subscriptions on YouTube is like, you look at it. What are you laughing at? 25 million YouTube subscribers.

Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, when you watch her, she's fucking entertaining. Like she is way more entertaining than any e-show that's ever existed. She's funny. And it doesn't seem like she would be, but she's funny. Like she's got good takes on things she seems silly and she's like a good performer she could be a stand-up if she wanted to be a stand-up she could do stand-up for sure like her but her take on things is actually funny like i was like oh this is actually good because i was expecting to hate it like the fucking video

game lady that my daughter always watches but this this one, I was like, that's funny. Like, she's funny. Like, this is good. I was like, okay, this is an art form. Which she just figured out. Look, she's not the only one. They've figured out. I should say they figured out.

They figured out a new art form. Watching shit and reacting to it in a funny way. You and I did it. Two girls, one cup. Two girls, one cup, yeah. I watched that the other day. That was one of our best videos. That's still one of the grossest videos ever.

How many views does that have? Wait, what was the other one at the end? Oh, yeah. Mr. Hands. No. No, no. BME, Pan Olympics. Oh, fuck that shit.

That one makes me clutch my pearls just thinking about it. That shit was fake as fuck, too. I don't know if it was all fake. Remember, I talked to the... I feel like I talked to the guy. Well, I definitely talked to the guy. I'm trying to remember his name. He died a few years back.

Did he really? Yeah. He and I had been back... We had become email pals. God damn it, I'm trying to remember his name. Email pals. Shannon. It was Shannon, right?

Yeah, I think it actually was Hatch. Larratt. Excuse me? Shannon Lauriette? Something like that. Yeah. What is it? Yeah, that think it actually was Hatch. Larratt. Excuse me? Shannon Lauriette? Something like that. Yeah. What is it? Yeah, that's him.

Larratt. I guess it's Larratt. Yeah. Yeah, he and I become email pals. This is like in the 90s. He sent me an email. Yeah, he died. What's that shit on his face?

He's got some white ink tattoo, I think. Wow. Oh, that's dope. He died in 2013. oh it's Canadian Toronto yeah uh so style he was Toronto too I love style have you been in contact with him oh yeah we're Facebook friends which is so mind-blowing to me because like personal Facebook friends and it's just weird seeing his everyday stuff. He got rich off of crypto. Style is how I met you.

I used to follow Style, and then he used to post about you, and I started going to your website. Well, he and I became email friends. That was back when I was writing blogs all the time, funny blogs. He would post funny blogs, and I would always tell people about his blogs. He was a fun dude like it's interesting when you like when you don't know i have no idea what he looks like i don't know what his voice sounds like i don't know anything but when you're you're reading someone's words like there's people and their words and those words sort of they become a thing like a feeling that you get when you when you read someone's

website like you don't necessarily even need to know too much about them but like this is style there was a lady that got into a lot of trouble post 9-11 and her website was and i became email friends with her too this is in 2000 and whatever i probably became friends with her in like 99 or 2000 the misanthropic bitch remember that yes yeah okay well she remember yeah she had a hot take on 9-11 and it would did not go over well and the blowback was ferocious and I remember her responding to the blowback and commenting about the blowback but I don't know how long after that she stopped her her website she changed it like to a different name or something if i remember i don't remember i don't remember but i remember she's a really good writer yeah like she was clever with words and i

think she tried to get a little too clever with 9-11 like right after it happened and it was one of those hot takes like like we deserve this, or this is a good thing or fuck everybody. And I, you know, it was one of those things where it's like, I get what you're trying to say, saying it weird.

That makes, you know, it's the thing where it's like when you rush to say something, and I've done it before, you rush to say something. Cause you, you think like, Ooh,

there's an opportunity to get a, get a point on the board. It's kind of what it is. But you fuck up and you say something you don't even really mean. You just tried to be funny. It's just at that time, man, 9-11 was just like the most atrocious moment in our lives. We'd never experienced anything like that. Dude, how crazy is it that that was 20 years ago?

So nuts. Does that feel 20 years to you no but also it doesn't like it feels like it's weird getting old is weird because i think about wait a sec what happened in my 30s i don't remember anything in my 30s to 40s i kind of do i feel like i've been in my 40s for a long time I kind of get real suspicious when people pretend to remember things exactly Yeah And I'm like, come on Did you really? Do you remember the version of it that you kept telling everybody? That's a real thing

That's a real thing That's a real thing That's a real thing That's just brain shortened shit down To get rid of space I will fully admit that most of my stories about like even my friend dave dolan that story that i told earlier i have like uh talking points in my head where i remember how i used to say it but if you asked me to go back and

remember that moment when that lady invited us in for coffee and told us about her insurance scam. I have a blurry... I have like one or two images that are so blurry. I couldn't even prove in a court that that's really that lady's kitchen. I couldn't prove... Like if they said, okay, you have a good memory? Oh, great, great, great, great, great. Photographic, you say. Wow, congratulations.

Hey, sketch me the front of this lady's house. I don't remember if it was an apartment. I don't remember if we walked through a courtyard. I don't remember anything. I don't remember the color of the house. I don't remember what she looked like. She could be you. I remember she was a reasonably attractive woman who was like a housewife who appeared to be in her 30s maybe

maybe maybe i'm wrong maybe she was fat as fuck i don't remember i remember i'm pretty sure she was a white lady i'm like 60 40 i don't remember anything but i tell that story like i remember every detail because it's more entertaining that way but if you want to corner me and say hey what do you really remember i'll go i'm pretty sure what i'm saying is accurate but i don't i don't totally remember that's how i feel about that old lady at the strip club that i made out i don't remember right here right here dude oh the yellow rose yeah it was the yellow rose that was like 1999 son yeah i had to tell that story the other day and i'm like i think she worked there i'd like that lady just grabbed you she just grabbed you start making out with you then you realize that it was this old

lady and you're like what i thought it was the stripper that was just there before i understand that lady like she found a weak spot and she moved right in there's a thing like survival skills you know like there's you know like that, like, walks barefoot through the woods. And he has, like, these real thick cows. He's got survival skills. There's, like, survival dick skills. When women know how to start a fire in the middle of the forest, they know that, like, oh, that stripper just got up.

This guy's drunk. I'm moving in. Boom. And they move in. They develop those skills. It makes me wonder if the strippers were all just, like, betting money. I dare you to do it. No, that was just the universe teaching you a lesson.

I was so pissed off at you because you filmed the whole thing, but you deleted it. I'm like, why would you delete? Even I would want to see how gross it was. I didn't want you to be a part of that. I didn't want you to be a part of that. Remember, we were ready to leave to get food anyway. And I was like, let's get out of here. Let's go get something to eat.

And then I'm like like what is happening but she just moved in on you started kissing you it's hilarious i miss i miss uh the yellow rose we used to go here up there i think it's still a thing yeah it is actually my my girlfriend her friend i uh grew up next like he was a little bit older but grew up when she was a kid uh you know younger he grew up like there were neighbors he a little bit older, but grew up when she was a kid, you know, younger. He grew up like there were neighbors. He lives out here now and he comes to kill Tony and he goes,

hey, he goes to me and her and she goes, hey, you know, I work as a DJ at the Yellow Rose. Anytime you want to come out, I'm like,

the Yellow Rose. That's hilarious. What do you think about this? How do you think people would feel if one day there was like an ex machina type strip club where you go there and they're not real girls. They're not. How do you think people would feel if one day there was like an ex machina type strip club? Where you go there and they're not real girls.

They're not. They're artificial. You don't have to feel bad about their childhood. They're super enthusiastic. I'm in 100%. You can give them a fake language so no one would know what they're saying. I want to see the Whitney robot, though. I want to see the Whitney robot on the stage. Is that the one you'd go after?

No, they could have celebrities. They would have whitney robot mix it with holograms though seriously mix mix like hologram people with robot people i'll go to that strip club any day how long is that before that's going to be real where real life is it's like so what it's real life i can do the same thing with this helmet you this helmet. Why is it so cool that you're doing that in real life? You're working so hard to be a billionaire. I'm a billionaire in this fake world instantly. All I need is to keep the lights on, and I live the same life you do. And you've got to work 16 hours a day.

You're losing your fucking mind. All I have to do is get a PS5. What are you talking about? What are you doing? Why are you wasting all your time buying houses and shit trying to tap into the grounds pull oil out the fuck out of here just put the helmet on man what are you retarded why are you why are you spending so much time doing stupid shit right yeah how long i don't want to ready player to spoil anything but this is so it's so good the second book was really good oh yeah the

second book yeah ready player two yeah it's great there's gonna come a time where we will live in some sort of an artificial realm and it's gonna be way better than this realm and we're just gonna accept it just the same way like people don't use passenger pigeons anymore carrier pigeons those little fucking stupid birds with a mess you still use some you have you heard about the murder of the the carrier pigeon from the united states and they're gonna murder it they were but it's fake oh that was fake yes it was fake somebody put a fake band on this carrier pigeon and reported it like this bird flew 8 000 miles to new zealand but it was fake that's the

shit i don't ever think like that's fake you know they're trying to fool me with this pigeon shit i think when they were trying to kill the pigeon, that's when they stepped in and said it was fake. They admitted it was fake. By the way, I just... Because they were going to kill it because of quarantine risk. I do so much virtual reality now. I'll probably say like eight hours a week at least.

Yeah, look at this. You could compare it to a Picasso. Pigeon sells for $1.9 million. What? Mm-hmm. Picasso. Pigeon sells for $1.9 million. What? New Kim, a Belgian racing bird, set an auction record after a bidding war between two Chinese buyers. Wow, they got too much money. Pigeons are a real game.

That's crazy. That's why they faked that one. That's because they could have sold it for, I think it said $1.5 million. Wow. Something like that. It's like the racehorse. Did it say $1.9? Is that what it said? This one, yeah.

$1.9 million for a bird, a little tiny bird, that was brought over to America for food. Did you know that's why there's so many pigeons in New York City? Yeah, food. Oh, to eat. They're squab. That's what squab is it's a pigeon like if you go to a fancy menu on a fancy restaurant and you see squab hmm would you like

the squab sir that's fucking pigeon it's a young pigeon it's like lamb what is lamb lamb is a young sheep squab is a young pigeon i've had pigeon before it's it's nothing yeah but if you're starving to death like back then they would just like have a bunch of them laying around you could just blow them out of the sky and you'd have food so they just let food live everywhere it's weird dude i've been hunting with guys to try to get pigeons when i was hunting with steve renell the time, he saw some pigeons and got out a shotgun. I was like, what is happening here? Gross.

It's in Montana in the forest, but it's a delicious bird, apparently, if you cook it correctly. Chicken's better, and you can get that at Wendy's. You know what's even better? Duck when it's done right. So they raced these birds, and then recently in China,

two guys got caught because they raced. They went on a train, a bullet train with the birds to where it was supposed to go. And they got there too fast. The bullet train was way faster than the way the pigeons fly. Oh. So then they released the pigeons and tried to pretend the pigeons just won. Oh, they're racing them. Wow.

Yeah. People gamble on anything. Whose shit weighs more? They'll gamble on that who shit weighs more they'll gamble on that you pay a lot of money how long could you hold your shit if we had an office wide bedding pool right here

I would win I think the security guys would kick your ass if they're in the pool you have no chance are you going to decide what you get to eat before we can start or like oh you can eat anything you want based off what I had yesterday

anything you want anything you want we have 24 hours in 24 hours we're going to take shits and we're going to wham oh that okay

I thought you were going to say how long we could hold it for that's what I thought but you have to hold it in as long as you can because between now and 24 hours you want to preserve your shit

I can do that you think you could but that's bad for you it's really bad for you to not shit wouldn't you want to preserve your shit. I can do that. You think you could, but that's bad for you. It's really bad for you to not shit. Wouldn't you want to eat a bunch of terrible food so that your body doesn't absorb any of it and you shit on it? All the weight.

But they would strain the liquid. We need solids. Only solids. Liquids don't count. Because you could just give something that gives you horrible diarrhea and the weight of water. So what we'd do is you'd shit, do like a spaghetti strainer.

Whatever's left over to throw on a scale. They'll weigh out what the spaghetti strainer is. Minus water. Yeah, and you shit through it. What would be like the heavy? You'd have to like get brisket or something. Class rings. That would be the only food.'d have to get brisket or something. Class rings. That would be the only food.

They would pan for gold first. This guy's eating gold nuggets. Fucking Brian. You can't eat lead paint. How much does lead paint weigh? But if there was a big reward. Do you remember there was a lady in San Jose that died? Water.

Yeah. She was trying to win a game station for her son, and she was drinking water. And there was a radio contest, one of those morning zoo type radio contests. Who could drink the most water? This poor lady died. That's crazy. She drowned herself. herself no she just died from water it's not even drowning internal drowning yeah it's weird if you drink too much

water even if you're breathing in fine your body will shut down your body breaks your electrolyte balance gets totally out of whack if you like force a certain amount of water in your body everybody dies isn't it like drinking too much milk does something similar or something i guess if you get to the same volume it was i mean i'd imagine it's just liquids but just water itself will kill you which is really strange to people like most people are not aware that water will kill you like if you told people like how much water is too much like keep drinking you need more water the better that's how i feel i feel so good i've two got they lie i have two gallons of water every day always drink water people want you to believe that there's so much more discipline than they are

how much water do you drink a day do you like have you seen those big 80 kill cliff oh kill cliff i love kill have you had the new pineapple one? No. Oh, shit. It's mine. I have my own flavor. Oh, that's... I heard about this.

That's awesome. Yes, we need one right now. Oh, man, that's great. Can you get Jeff to bring us in to... Oh, you can... Go grab it. Yeah. That's awesome.

Pineapple jalapeno. Dude, you have your own fucking drink. I have a CBD drink, too. That's great. It's 25 milligrams of CBD. CBD. CBD. Officer, I was just doing a podcast um cbd with no sugar

all right i want yeah dude my my own drink would be grape but it'd be japanese grape flavor oh what's the difference what's the difference japanese grape japanese oh my god i have the best thing ever this is the a fat person thing there's so there's this place called p terry's out here it's a hamburger it's amazing that Terry's out here. It's a hamburger place. I love that place. It's amazing, right? It's a great place. They just opened one next to my house.

But they have a thing. It's a root beer float. And they take bargs, the syrup that they use for root beer, but they mix it with ice cream. So the whole thing is a milkshake, root beer milkshake, and it tastes like a root beer float. The whole thing. I can't. They make a good burger. Oh, yeah.

It just needs salt. My kids like them more than In-N-Out. I'm like, what am I doing to you? Why did I raise you wrong? Hey, next time you're at In-N-Out,

try this and tell me if it doesn't help it. They're fries. Get them well done. Listen, bro, I'm a five guys guy. Five guys. Oh, they're about

to go out of business. Do you hear? I'll buy them. They have better fries, better burgers. They'll put jalapenos on their burgers and bacon. Yeah. They win. And their fries are way better.

Thank you, sir. Look at that. Look at this. See my face on it. Oh, my God. That's crazy. And it's goddamn delicious. You're melting, too.

We went through like six different... Yeah, there's a spaceship on it. We went through six different versions. It's called Flaming Joe. Try it. Try it. It's legit. Oh, that's delicious.

It's legit, right? Oh, delicious. Dude, we went through six versions to try to get, we got to nail it. And it has hemp in it? Oh, it's got CBD, son. 25 milligrams. 20 calories. That's good.

Yeah. All right. good for you healthy CBD tastes great yum yum yum and my face is on it ignore that

I wonder if we how sad would it be if we made a non my face on it version it sold way better right like look you have

Illuminati pyramids underneath your eyes shut the fuck up bro Jesus Christ I told you. You're going to be in. I got a ticket for you. Oh, sweet.

Dude, you're in the Illuminati. What would you have to do to be in the Illuminati? If the Illuminati called you up and said, Hey, Brian, we enjoy Kill Tony. We think you're a funny guy. We love you when you're on the JRE. We'd like to let you in. Sweet.

Awesome. Cool. What do they have to do? You got dental? You got to keep... What do you have to do to keep your mouth shut? Dental? No.

Yeah, no. I would totally be in. I think it's awesome. I think the idea of Illuminati already kind of exists, especially when you get to Scientology and stuff like that. I don't think they're in the Illuminati, bro. I mean, they want to believe. They have their own kind of Illuminati situation. But how much of the Illuminati do you think is real?

Like the QAnon stuff seems like horse shit. Right. Like certain conspiracies, you're like, eh, I don't believe that. But for sure, bankers get together. Right? Oh, yeah. And that's the shit I'm saying.

Like, Illuminati does exist. The definition of it is very broad. What's the definition? People claiming to possess special enlightenment or knowledge of something. Shit, that's this podcast. Yeah, that's everybody here. Fuck.

Anyone listening, you're in the Illuminati now. Some mysterious standard known only to the Illuminati or the organization. Oh, that's us too. A sect of 16th century Spanish heretics who claimed special religious enlightenment. Huh. A Bavarian secret society founded in 1776 organized like the Freemasons. So it occurred somewhere in the 1700s no 1500s yeah 1500s because uh that's right the 16th century was

what before that that's crazy why is it um that people have always done things like that like created these like weird little secret societies I think it made more sense when they wore powdered wigs and shit you know but now it's just kind of creepy you know the story behind the powdered wigs do you know how that all started it was a french royalty uh and they got syphilis their fucking hair started falling out so these dudes started getting wigs but why white well i don't know maybe that's the only shit they could get i think there's also like fleas and stuff you have to throw powder in them to keep the fleas out or maybe it's white to see the fleas like oh you got a flea in you maybe maybe i think the wig powder was actually to keep the fleas out like the fleas were like like you know like gold bond medicated powder and shit

like how it keeps your balls fresh the same thing it would do keeps your feet from stinking it's because it's antibacterial right isn't that the whole reason yeah it's great that the menthol is horrible though i got in my dick hole and it hurts hey hip hop hooray hey but uh i think that's what they wore them for i think they wore them because i mean the powder i think they wore the powder because of bugs and then the wig size became an indicator of how much money you had so if you had a lot of money you would be a big wig wow that's where the term big wig comes from interesting like steven spielberg you don't know who he is oh he's a big wig in the movie industry that's what you would say a big wig that big wig phrase comes from people wearing powdered wigs and the wealthy people

having the biggest most preposterous powdered wigs that's a big wig that's why military cuts a thing in lesbians have short hair and teachers hey by the way in class this in this. I bet it would be good. Pineapple and whiskey? That sounds kind of good. How is it? Actually, that's amazing.

Is it? Yeah. Let me try that. It's a nice mixer. There we go. Perfect. Oh, that's very good. Dude, put some ice cubes in there.

It takes all the pain out of whiskey, though. It's like I feel like a pussy. Right. I feel like I Novocaine'd my mouth. Put some broken glass in there. It takes all the pain out of whiskey, though. It's like I feel like a pussy. Right. I feel like I Novocaine'd my mouth. Put some broken glass in there. Yeah. It's good, though, right? Dude, I like this.

Good idea. I love pineapple. Yeah. We came up with it. I was like, they were like, we want to do a flavor. What do you want to do? I was like, let's do pineapple and jalapeno. Oh, that's the jalapeno.

I love jalapeno. That's like ginger spice almost in the back of your throat. That's great. Yes. And it works perfect with whiskey, dude. Yes. There's some flavors that a lot of people don't respect that are genuine. Here's one.

Anchovies and pineapple on a pizza. Double anchovy, double pineapple. I'm out. Please try it. I'm out. I'm out. You're wrong. It's delicious you don't like olives no i hate olives dude i i feel like that's something though like in 10 years i'll go like you know what i can taste it now i love it you know i can't taste much what about caviar uh yeah i don't I'm not a fish taste guy.

That's why I like hard shell fish more than regular fish, except tuna. I like crab and lobster. But when it comes to like, hey, you want some tilapia? I'm like, no. You like fishy things. Fishy fish. Yeah. Fishy fish.

Yeah, different fish have different flavors. Here's a weird one. Why do people get so mad if you eat shark that's a new thing it's weird you know when i was a kid like you'd get mako shark at a restaurant you felt like a pimp look at me i'm eating a shark he's not eating me who's liking sharks either you know like no i mean like like like who's trying to protect them you know you know what happened sharks Like fuck sharks. This is like how you could spin a narrative very easily online and just with people in the public sphere. People started hearing about folks eating shark's fin soup,

which is terrible because they cut the fins off and then they just throw the shark back in the water. And it was a terrible waste. So that got equated with the idea of killing sharks and then it became sharks were endangered which is like saying sharks are endangered is like saying bears are endangered like okay where do you live if you know what i mean like if you live in manhattan yeah not a lot of bears they're endangered but if you live in new jersey there's a lot of bears. They're endangered. But if you live in New Jersey, there's a lot of bears. How fucked is that? Like right next to New York City is a shit ton of bears.

Is there really? Dude, Jersey? There's more bears per capita in New Jersey than any other state in the lower 48. You never hear about the bears. You always hear about the grossness of it. What about the fucking gabagool? Yeah. You hear there's dead bodies and trash and mafia

stuff going on and joey diaz is now they're hanging out with bears i don't know what he's doing well i'm giving him time oh yeah i talked to him yesterday he says tell balloons i love him tell who balloons he balloons that's because when i I moved to Colorado was the same time this guy decided to make a prank where he pretended his kid flew away in a balloon and it was in the news. And so Joey Diaz goes, that's Joe Rogan trying to fly back to LA. So he started calling me balloons. It's the funniest. And I don't know if it's just me and him.

That was 11 years ago. I don't know if he just calls you balloons with me Yes But every time he calls he goes Hey I've talked to balloons He has so much flavor I love him so much He has so much flavor

He just got his knee replaced I know You got one knee replaced Do you really? I mean my knee's fucked It hasn't happened in like a year But uh Does it hurt when you walk though?

It hurts It acts up Where you're just like Oh it, it's going to happen again. It feels weak right now for some reason. You never got an MRI, though. No, I did get an MRI. What'd they say? They said it was all fucking shattered and shit.

But I don't even remember, man. That's the specifics? That's like the... Oh, Jamie, I sent you that David Goggins thing. So don't show his doctor's name. Hide his doctor's name if you can. Just edit that that David Goggins thing. So don't show his doctor's name. Hide his doctor's name if you can. Just edit that. David Goggins.

We were talking about him on the podcast the other day with The Undertaker from WWE. Oh, yeah. Undertaker has had two hip replacements, and we were talking about how crazy it is. They can resurface your hips, and it it took added 10 years to his career and then we started talking about Goggins how David Goggins was getting these gigantic cylinders of shit drained out of his knee and so he sent me his MRI results this is this is by the way before he ran the Moab 240 got second place I believe is that what he got he's holding up a thing it's got second place, I believe. Is that what he got? He's holding up a thing. It's the second place. Jesus Christ. So this is

before he ran the Moab 240. Find out if he legitimately got second place because we need to know. Okay, in a moment. Look at this. These are MRI results. There's a complex tear in the posterior horn of the medial meniscus. Intrasubstance

degradation. Can you make it smaller so I can see the whole thing? Oh, it's the size of it? Of the anterior horn of the medial meniscus, there is a tear of the inferior articular surface of the anterior horn of the lateral meniscus

infrasubstance degeneration in the anterior and the posterior horns of the lateral meniscus. There is the osteochondral defect in the medial femoral condyle. There is no free-floating fragments. There's a partial tear of the anterior cruciate ligament, a sprain of the posterior cruciate ligament, partial tearing of the medial and lateral... What is that word?

Retinaculum? Patella alta. There's a sprain of the quadriceps tendon uh tendinopathy of the patellar tendon there is the how do you say that ten no teno... Tenos... Cenovitis? Cenovitis. Jesus. All these people love Latin stuff. Of the popliteus tendon.

It keeps going. Super teller joint effusion. Popliteal cyst. Why with the complicated words? I hate it. How about part number two is broken, part number three is fucked, part number three, keep going, there's more. Because I don't want people to think his knee is okay.

Scientists are about to come. There's 14 different things wrong with his leg. 14 different things wrong with his leg. Lobulated cysts surrounding the posterior cruciate ligament. Soft tissue edema in the medial aspect of the knee. Moderate arthropathy of the knee. And the motherfucker ran a 238-mile race. That's crazy shit.

After that. How is that possible? My knee feels like about half that. You should be ready. You're born to run. You're like a Bruce Springsteen song. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Bruce Springsteen. Were you a Springsteen addict?

Did you get that? I never got that. I was into Van Halen when I was a kid. Yeah. I always mixed him. Chris Springsteen. Were you a Springsteen addict? Did you get that? I never got that. No, I was into Van Halen when I was a kid. Yeah. I always mix him and Rick Springfield up. I'm like, are they the same guy? No. I like Kiss.

I like Kiss. Yeah. I like Van Halen. I did like some Springsteen songs. I wasn't like a Springsteen fanatic. That's a Jersey thing, right? Moab 240, second place. Yeah, he came in second place.

It's craziness. He's so nuts. He's probably so mad that he came in second and not first. But it's fucked up, Nate. Damn. Yeah, I love Born to Run. Like, it was a little later, but Brilliant Disguise. Bruce Springsteen has some great songs.

Yeah, but they're all fireworks songs. You hear them every Fourth of July. Get out of my head. springsteen has some great songs yeah but they're all fireworks songs like you hear them every fourth of july get out of my head isn't it weird how like when guys get like super political as they get old where bruce springsteen's definitely got like a real super well not before trump right he was never really super political, like publicly before Trump, but it seemed like Trump was enough for him. And he just had to, you know.

What's that other guy too that wasn't a musician, but an actor like James Caan or he got super. James Woods? James Woods. Yeah. He's not even an actor anymore. He's just angry, crazy man. Bruce Springsteen supported Obama a lot.

Yeah. He supported Obama a a lot but he wasn't um negative you know about anybody see there's a thing about there's a different thing right it's like you have a political candidate that you support even if i disagree with you oh you know that's you're just supporting your guy but there's a thing that happens and i don't disagree with him and obama but what i'm saying is there's a an attitude that people have when they disagree with someone when they hate someone it becomes a different thing like when robert de niro hated donald trump hated when he said he wanted to punch him we did that awards like fuck trump

like when when he did remember that yeah but that's old man shit. It is. They might have some history. I'm sure they do. I'm sure they do. But it's also a different thing. To support someone is one thing, but to say fuck someone is a different thing. That's a weird

distinction. It's like wow, you're inviting the mob to come for you. You're inviting the mob. They came for. You're inviting the mob, right? And they came for Robert De Niro, man. All those pro trumpets, all the little Trumpensteins, all those little Trumplers, they all came after him. Trumples. They really did.

They get real mad. Trumples. They get real mad at Robert De Niro. Yeah. Well, I think there were some people at the end that really hoped that this QAnon stuff was correct and that Trump was going to swoop in with these overwhelming indictments

of all these elites that have been like fucking kids in the basement of pizza places. You know what I mean? There was some people that really believed that. There's a lot of people that believe that shit and it's mental illness man it's mixed in with like just it's it's kind of like a comic convention or a you know like where they're all dressing up as like they're larping yeah they're exactly it's like what do you think all those civil war museum uh

recreator guys are doing nowadays you know it's it's it's a nowadays. It's furries mixed with history. Dude, I said the same thing the other day, basically. I said it's a version of believing in Bigfoot. Yeah, it is. It's the same thing. Same shit. You want to be the one who knows. The other people don't know.

It's Disney bloggers. I need to open your eyes. I need to open your eyes to truth. Okay, Pizzagate is real. Then something like this happens, though, and then they're like, well, see? Yeah, exactly. Well, that's the thing. No, it's human trafficking is way different.

No, no, it's not, though. 33 missing kids recovered in joint Los Angeles-based operation combating human trafficking. It's not, because as long as there really is human trafficking, as long as kids really are being abducted, as long as sex slaves are real, as long as that stuff's real, then they've got a convoluted, fucked up, distorted comic book version of a point. Yeah, but don't you think we all know,

one of the things that hasn't happened yet but like oh yeah we've known about that for a while but we've been looking the other ways that if you go to tijuana right now there's so much prostitution and illegal and you know half those are kids and shit like that that's just fucking that you know that's true and we're all just acting like we don't know about that that's true but we don't feel like we're responsible for shit that doesn't happen inside of our borders but it's five miles away from San Diego which is the biggest military base ever well you know Mariana Benzeller who has that show trafficked have you seen that show traffic it's an

amazing show I had her on the podcast and one of the things that she talked about was selling guns to Mexico and she she watched, she like had this whole expose where this guy every week fills his trunk up with guns and just drives down to Mexico because there's no stopping you going in. So he's just bringing guns into Mexico from LA. And I said, well, where is he getting these guns?

She's like the LA police department. It's like, what? There's some bad actor in the L.A. Police Department that supplies this guy with guns. So they take guns from bad guys, they sell it to this guy, and he sells it to the cartel. And it's happening right now.

They just drive down to Mexico because it's easy to get in. Coming back, it's like, you better not have any guns. I don't have any guns. Okay, see you next week, Charlie. Yeah. The show's great have you seen that show i i feel like i have yeah it's on the science channel or nat geo dude it's really good it's really good the episode i watched uh the first one was on cocaine i was like god damn it it's crazy they go to Columbia They show how they're making the cocaine Then she walks with the people that make the cocaine

Like five years ago? No Recent This year She walks with the people that make the cocaine They carry it in their backpack And they have to They can't drive with it

They'll get hijacked and shit Like people will take it The cops will take it Someone will take it It's like they're walking around with a quarter of a million dollars worth of coke on their back jesus and they walk for like 18 hours through the jungle and she does it with them i'm like oh my god it's like great it's it's a crazy show because it's it's one it's fascinating because she really does show you exactly how the coke has grown how it's dried and it's and it's you would think the people growing the coke are like these cartel people,

but it's not the case. They're poor farmers. The coke is grown, the leaves are dried out on the side of the road. They're grown by farmers. So you see families that are laying these coca leaves out on these gigantic blankets, and they're drying them out in the sun. And you're like, holy shit. And you realize these people are barely getting by and they're growing coke and having the time of their lives but here's the other thing i know right that's the biggest party ever like we're feeling like all sad about these kids they're fucking raving

like hopscotching another thing dr carl hart was telling me about cocaine if you get real cocaine from the source pure cocaine like in columbia you're like it's amazing you know it's so good so good like we just have this bullshit stepped on version of coke it's like if you were drinking liquor but it wasn't like you you know, Austin still, still Austin whiskey. It was like some fucking battery acid shit that's mixed in with antifreeze. And, you know, fucking, what is the stuff that Kitty Dukakis got caught drinking? Aftershave? She was drinking aftershave.

Rubbing alcohol. Rubbing alcohol. The bums near my house growing up in college, that's what they would drink. They would buy a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the grocery store and get drunk on that. And you always see them carrying the little brown bottle and shit like that. I got you one more. Ready for this? You know what kids have been doing lately?

Duster? No. They take a tampon. They stuff a tampon into rubbing alcohol and they stick it up their culo. Oh, you're rubbing that. Hell yeah. That shit's good. That's how you party. That's how you party in Burbank.

Oh, Max Cab is like a slow drip. It's like one of those patches that gives you a fucking... What's that stuff? Ketamine. Ketamine patch. Some people have ketamine patches. They're just hanging out with us all day long, acting like everything's fine.

Meanwhile, they're in some 3D version of a UFO, and there's little rooms they go into, different versions of reality. I thought I heard this, too. I don't remember if I looked this up or not, but there's an article on Healthline.com. Healthline.com? What is that? It looked into this, and there's reasons why they think it's probably a myth that people don't probably do that. I would put all my chips.

I would bet money on that. All my chips into kids definitely have stuffed tampons filled with rubbing alcohol up their assholes. Especially since the story came out and you know so many people are like, well, I'm going to try that. I'm taking everything I've ever worked for and pushing it right in. Give me one. Show me one. West Virginia's got 36 of them. I bet people have died from it.

36 more than that. I bet people have died from it. Google this. How many guys have died from a tampon filled with rubbing alcohol stuffed up their ass? I bet there's an article right here from HuffPost. This is from 2011, though, so there's a lot of time to go. Bartender ate dirty martini with a tampon.

Vodka in a tampon is allegedly the new rage among underage drinkers to get drunk. However, I couldn't find a single article on Google verifying that it actually worked. Because it's underage. It's illegal.

They're not even adults. I decided that I would have to test the rumor myself. Oh, that bitch stuffed a tampon up her culo. Or in her vajayjay. If I was a woman, why would I stick it up my ass so I could just put it in my pussy? How much alcohol? How much do you put in it? A lot. As much as you can? How much do you want to stick it in my ass so I can just put it in my pussy. How much alcohol? How much do you put in it?

A lot. As much as you can? How much do you want to get drunk? I'm not ever going to do it, but butt chugging. They do butt funnels. I like how you said, I'm not ever going to do it. Well, I don't make you think. What?

I've tried it. He's got to let us know. I'm terrified of butt pleasure, so I'm just going to let you know right now. I'm not doing it. Opposite of just a beer funnel. It's definitely not the opposite of a beer funnel because it's going in your asshole. It's just the other way. The opposite of a beer funnel would be like a carrot smoothie.

I guess. A beer funnel. That's a weird thing right okay get drunk quick enough whoa that's like those dabbers we used to have two uh story beer uh bongs remember those things were you good at beer bongs growing up i sucked at beer bongs but we had a two floor one where they put all these people filled beer and you had like a adult two-floor house. I found this device article about it that someone goes deep, and there's Vaseline pictures and shit about butt chugging. Oh, let's go. Put it up there.

Butt chugging. Here we go. Things I learned from butt chugging. Look at that guy. Who is this guy? Who is the article? Jeff Winkler. All right.

Shout out to Jeff. Poor Henry. Good for him. Okay. I don't know. Who is the article? Jeff Winkler. Alright, shout out to Jeff. Poor Henry. Good for him. Okay, that's enough. I bet he did it. Isn't it funny? Vice used to be this really radical website. Now it's all wokesters. I know. It's weird.

It is weird. They've gone through a lot of different changes. What happened, money? What do you think happened? Because if you really stop and think about it it was i mean what were they in the beginning it was just this cool magazine that you'd see in the corner of things you pick it up and be like oh look cool shit in there it was no one knew montreal right it was like they had sneakers right brooklyn yeah just like pictures yeah it was just a free little magazine i remember like it was one of those things once people knew about it, it was like, ah, everyone found out about this thing now.

But now it's like super woke. It is woke. I have that channel now. And I didn't know there was a channel. I just learned that recently. And I watch it. It's very different than. It's almost like this week on.

I'm starting with Shane and Gavin. He's still on there. it's almost like this week on, you know. It started with Shane and Gavin. He's still on there. Shane's still on. Yeah. Yeah. He's still on there. They were like these wild dudes.

I remember one of them was Shane was in Thailand with a bunch of lady boys in a hot tub and they were drinking. And I was like, whoa, look at this guy. Like that guy's the head of the network. How wild is he? I haven't drank with Shane in a while. We used to get drunk with Shane. We did podcasts with him. We got trashed.

Yeah. Trashed. Way more trash than I ever got with Gavin. I don't think I ever got trashed with Gavin. Newsome? No. The other one. McGinnis.

Gavin doesn't. He only drinks Merlot. He's such a. Only Merlot. Only Mer drinks Merlot. He's such a Merlot boy. Only Merlot. Only when you're not allowed to. I got my mask on inside. No. No mask.

No mask. No mask. I'm going to lie about being inside too. I was the outside bitch. I'm going to open up tomorrow. No, I'm not. Isn't he supposed to open up now? No, he just opened it.

They just dropped the order so that it's, I think it's up to. No, it's stay at home is the only thing I've heard. But what about restaurants? It's up to the counties, I think. Counties are back to colored tier system. God, they got to open up. Outdoor seating coming soon. Oh, not here.

Isn't it funny when you live here for a little bit? It's craziness. And you're like, oh, this is how you're supposed to be able to live you know what you know what in the end i really wondered how how it was going to be like it's a safe version of obvious you know like every restaurant's being like very safe about everything everything's split out like how it should be to a normal degree it's not overreacting it's the it's the right way to do it like it's it's ridiculous well it could have been done everywhere this way we're out of ice unfortunately it could have been done everywhere yeah let's get some more okay i'm

not pouring this kill clip it should have been it should have been done this way everywhere they should have given people the opportunity and they should have opened up more hospital beds they should have figured out a way to do that it would be at a far lower cost than what it's been to all these business owners and i'm not saying that you should be cruel and not give a fuck about people's grandparents or you know people that have uh yeah just take that thing like that fill it up or people that are vulnerable that's not what i'm saying i'm saying for the people that aren't vulnerable do you understand that's most people most people are not that vulnerable it's a small percentage of people relatively not to be cruel to that small percentage but we have to think about the consequences of shutting everything down for a long ass period of time and, I hate to put a fucking tinfoil hat on,

but what about the rest of the world? You don't think they recognize how weak we are? You don't think they realize how crazy it is here? We're at each other's throats, so they're piling onto it. They have whole gigantic organizations that are designed to erode democracy from within. They have the Internet Research Agency in Russia that we know about. I'm sure they have something similar in about. I'm sure they have something

similar in China. I'm sure they have something similar in Iran. Jesus, Jamie! We're gonna die! I'm sure they have those everywhere. Look at them. He just went back in the Matrix. He did. Just drink it, bitch.

It's gonna be alcohol Now I got your fucking forehead sweat In my drink These suits, it's healthy It's all liquid IV Dude, it's all elk and jalapeno Yeah, it's alcohol, pinos, and liquid IV That's my forehead sweat

What were we just saying before Jamie came and stumbled? What were we saying? Do you remember what we were saying? I don't actually remember. That's the problem. Cocaine? Wait, what? Really? Well, we're talking about Dr. Carl Hart. That's what started it all off. You want a cigar?

No, I'm good. Do you smoke cigars? Actually, I will have it for just the nicotine. If you have a half-smoked cigar, I'll smoke that so you don't have to waste one. No, just smoke half of them. Be a degenerate. Be a wasteful person. Yeah.

That's another thing with the olives and the sardines and shit. I still haven't gotten into cigars. I've tried maybe 100 times, but I think cigars are just for people that really should start smoking cigarettes. Hmm. Interesting. Well, it's much more of a mild reaction because I've smoked Dave Chappelle's cigarettes before.

And I've smoked Hinchcliffe's cigarettes before. I love that Chappelle still smokes. One of my favorite things was... He's a wild man, dude. He's a wild man. That's a torch. Be careful with that. One of my favorite things was when Chappelle first started coming back to the comedy store

and he ran out of cigarettes on stage and he goes, hey, Brian, you got any cigarettes? And I was like... And I gave him my whole pack. He smoked the whole thing in like a half hour. He smoked cigarettes, man. He's super healthy. Do you think it's legit that those American spirits and shit like that are actually not that bad for you. No, that shit's worse for you.

Look at Jamie. That shit's worse for you, Joe. Well, don't you think the chemicals involved in regular cigarettes, like Marlboros? No, you know what that is? That's shit that... That's like going against science. Science found a way to make that not hit as harsh.

That's what that chemical does. Science found a way to make that you know like all those extra chemicals and cigarettes are for a reason they don't just throw them in there because they have a big batch of chemicals we smoke an american we smoke an american spirit the next day you wake up go oh my god my lungs have water in them before i tear your argument apart please tell me what you think those extra chemicals are doing in cigarettes. They make it smoother. Each one probably has a reason for it.

That's what I was saying. They don't just throw a bunch of chemicals in cigarettes. One probably makes it so that if it falls on the side of the road, it doesn't catch on fire. Actually, that's a ring that goes around the filter. Did you know that? If you look at a cigarette, there's a ring that goes around the filter did you know that if you look at a cigarette there's a ring that goes around the filter now it's like what's that ring when it gets to the ring it actually puts the fire out there's a study done uh apparently 50 to 60 percent of adults that were asked view american spirits as less harmful but that's because they market

them as natural organic on the fucking cover it's marketing hey how are they allowed to have an indian on the cover and not get called out right how do they not get called out for that because they bought that that land do you know by the way i'm saying indian because of my conversations with actual native americans they some of them like to be called indians did you know that i think a lot of them probably do it's not like some people will say it's offensive they want to be called native americans but they don't some of them don't but it's not a universal agreement hasn't white people killed that name native americans i'm half native or 10 native american indians are probably like just call me indian please right right right that's the thing with

like shady white people will pretend yeah they'll pretend they're part native american california attorney general uh jerry brown 2010 oh that motherfucker they got the uh company to clearly disclose that its organic tobacco is quote no safer or healthier than other tobacco products because they don't have studies yeah but what about the chemicals the fucking government's trying to kill hold them down bro it says they have no additives in our tobacco but maybe they should safer cigarette but do you remember that movie with russell crowe the insider yeah that movie was all about the tobacco companies like making cigarettes with extra chemicals in them to make them more addictive in the 80s though don't you think that they probably like all right

take out the licorice. You know, like they probably had like extra shit in there. No, I think there's chemicals in there that like stimulate. Is that true? Yeah, there's an FTC. This is in this article, too. Around 2000, the FTC, there was a ruling, an agreement that resulted from allegations that there was an additive free cigarettes made consumers feel according to, I guess, more about

natural American cigarettes. They make people feel better because there's an Indian on the cover. Let me see the picture. Pull up a cover of... Dude, when did they make cigars like Jules? Did Jule make this cigar? No, they just kind of flattened it a little bit.

They're good though, right? This is a Jewel cigar. Yeah, there's a Native American smoking a peace pipe. Look, you can be spiritual too. You can become one with the land and know the ways of the buffalo. Yeah, I smoked those for about six months and went back to Parliament. They give zero money to Native Americans. Is that correct?

How much money goes to Native Americans for being a part of Native spirits i got bought by like the big company like i need to know how much how much of that money went to the reservations that's a good question it is right like imagine they're supposed to be donating or yeah american spirits i called bullshit on that a long time ago you could just and that's just called waking up in the morning and going, oh my God, I feel like I just smoked a whole nightclub. Here's a legit question that'll make everybody uncomfortable. What percentage of Aunt Jemima should go to black people? What percentage?

There's a black lady on the cover of the label, Aunt Jemima. Oh, yeah. Right? I would say 10%. What about Uncle Ben? It's another one. Mix it in. Mix it in.

Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben. Yeah. Paying back those reparations or whatever. Like, dude, all that shit, 10% from Uncle Ben, 10% from Aunt Jemima, 10% from Great Drink. We are not economists, so I don't think we should give out percentages. But we should acknowledge that if you have Eskimo cakes and then the Eskimo community comes along

and says, first of all, you can't say Eskimo anymore because some people want to be Inuits. But other people are cool with Eskimo, but they want a piece. They want a piece of the action because you're not that. How many Eskimos are on the board of directors?

Zero? You got zero? Well, you got to give us a cut. you can't just be selling eskimo cakes fucking racist 10% goes to eskimos changing the name of that too what's it called now cold ass bitches inuit cookies they might just like that maybe like the football team, maybe they haven't come up with an actual name yet. They just said they're going to change it. Is this good or is this bad? Is this good for us to be so sensitive

about things that we've had forever? Or is it bad? Because part of me sees it's good. Part of me says, yeah, you gotta but part of me sees that they're weaponizing crazy people. Because it's like, yeah, you should be more sensitive. But also like, why are you complaining so much? there's two things happening at the same time it's like is this is your whole life eskimo cookies it's bad what's bad it's we should recognize it but we don't have

shouldn't change it as an example like the antima shit like that's i mean the family of antima was like no that's our legacy you know like uh and Jemima was like, no, that's our legacy. You know, like, and Aunt Jemima's shit was, like, real. Like, I have those, like, Aunt Jemima statues, those antiques from a long time ago that my mom gave me. She did one in her house. Washington Redskins. Like, if you call someone a Redskin, that is a derogatory term, right? Isn't it? Like, universally considered, like, Native Americans did not, or Indians did not call themselves Redskins.

Probably not. Right? I wouldn't say that. That's like the fucking... Maybe the bad, the Indians, like, they considered them a bad... Like, if they were the Jerusalem Japs, like, there's no way. You can't do that. And they had, like, the Japanese people from Bugs Bunny with the crazy eyes and the teeth.

No way. Right? Mm-hmm. If you had the Cleveland cunts and you just had like a Karen as your mascot. People would allow that probably. You think they would allow that? Go for it. If you had the Cleveland Karens.

Oh, that would be so awesome. They're going to kill that name. Karen? I dated a girl named Karen. She was a nice lady. There's no reason to disparage her. Oh, yeah. That name's fucked, right? That name's fucked. Ooh. If you a nice lady. There's no reason to disparage her. Oh, yeah. That name's fucked, right?

That name's fucked. If you're Karen now, what are you going to go by? I talked to a lady. Sweet, sweet of a person, but how dumb was this answer? I go, does it bother you? Because I go, hi, I'm Joe. She goes, I'm Karen. I go, does it bother you, all this Karen talk?

She goes, no, because I spell it differently. Jesus. Isn't it weird, though? Names are weird. Like, Joe, do you remember, did you ever ask your mom, like, who you were named? Like, I was named after Brian's song when that movie came out. And, like, every girl called her, that year, every girl called their baby Brian. That's why there's so many fucking Brians.

Because that dumbass movie. Now there's not, Brian's not a popular name. I don't think, you don't hear baby Brian's nowadays. Was there, do you know if you were named after somebody in particular? Super easy. My family was so unoriginal. Bubba Joe. My dad's name was Joseph.

My grandfather's name was Joseph. My grandmother's name was Josephine. This is a super unoriginal family. Right. Okay. So I was Joe. Yeah. Jamie, were you were you

anything Jamie yeah his dad wanted a girl it's technically after my grandparents to my grandfather's but uh Jamie Jamie the horror movie they were gonna call him Lindsay but the mother was like no you're not gonna do that oh what if it was plenty of Lindsay's good guys there's plenty of Lindsay James Taylor was popular the time so it's's like a little bit after that, but I guess my mom's brother had a best friend. His name was also Jamie, so that's why they just started calling me that. You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am.

That's you, Jamie. When your dad shot his seed into your mom Oh, yeah I'll come running That's way better than Jamie Curtis No, it's just big Halloween fans But there was male Lindsays, right? Wasn't there a bunch of male Lindsays?

Yeah, there's a He's a singer, right? Well, there was actors Wasn't there? There was a few. There was, like, male Lindsays were a real thing. You name your kid Lindsay now, you're an asshole. Lindsay Buckingham is the one I was thinking of.

Lindsay Buckingham, that's right. What was his big song? He had a big song. Wasn't he in Fleetwood Mac or some shit? Yeah, correct. Yeah. What was his big song? Fleetwood Mac stuff. Yeah, but he had a big song on his arm. By shit? Yeah, correct. Yeah. What was his big song? I don't know. Fleetwood Mac stuff.

Yeah, but he had a big song on his arm. By himself? Yeah. He had some hit solo. I'm loving these fucking weird not circle cigars. They're good, right? It's hitting my jewel shit. Like, for real.

Like, it's hitting it. The shape? Yeah. Yeah, but it's a solid cigar right it's a stronger jewel yeah but it's a cigar yeah like an actual man yeah you're actually out here living oh yeah me and bill poor bill burr bill burr smokes a lot of cigars i know he's great so when i uh drove out here from uh los angeles one of the podcasts that I really dug deep in that I never listened to,

I love Bill, but I never listened to is Bill Burr. And man, it is so hilarious. I know his ad reads were always funny, but the fact that he reads, now talk about your personal experiences like in the ad reads. It's the funniest shit ever.

And he's such an angry guy, but he knows he's angry. I love that. We got to see him recently here in Austin, and that was so beautiful to see him. It was an amazing show. That was the first real set I had seen in a long time, like a headliner set in like six months plus.

More, more. The whole time the pandemic was going on, I hadn't seen an actual headliner set. Yeah, it was cool. That was a cool place. You know what's weird is that I live five miles away from this outdoor arena. Don't tell anybody where you live.

In Tennessee. Yeah, Jesus Christ, you already fucked it up. Now they're going to know. They're going to do a scan out from where he was to find you. They're going to knock on your door and show you their dick. Got all these guns and weapons. We got these signs and cameras. That night was cold as fuck, too.

Remember that night when we went to see him? Yeah. Oh, my God. And so cold air makes sound travel more. So one night we were coming home from the grocery store. Yeah, it does. Look it up. Dude, five miles away, there's an outdoor arena just like the Bill Burr place.

I come home and I think my neighbor's having a raging party. I go, what the fuck is wrong with him? Like, it's like 10 p.m., you know, like what? And I get in the house. I go on like next door door you know what next door is i don't know probably not but i go on i go and the first thing i see is uh dead mouse having a concert outside at this arena i'm like but that's five miles away i was like and i so i tweet something like dude all my neighbors are like freaking out about dead mouse playing he's five

miles away while dead mouse is performing you know doing like the button switching and stuff like that he's he he finds out that i tweeted that he messages me text me and like get your ass over here man like come right now so i drive down the street i'm side stage he pulls me on stage we're like talking while the show is going on but one how amazing is it that he can like do that you know like that's like he has all these people that love what he does you know and he's able to like like send text messages and videos he checks his twitter a lot I know dude that dude is on it or you got super lucky. But how crazy is the sound that five miles away, you could hear it so loud because of the cold air.

And I live around- Who's they? Scientists or retards? Science. That's math. Because sound moves faster in warm air than cold air, the wave bends away from the warm air and back towards the ground. Whoa.

That's why sound is able to travel further in chilly weather. Brian, I learned something today. Thank you. Dude, but it was so loud it felt like it was next door to my house. I would have been like, that doesn't make any sense. This kid's an idiot. I know, I know. If my daughter told me that, I'd be like, no.

Stay in school. Who told you that? One of your stupid fucking friends? But poor Deadmau5, afterwards we hung out, and he's like, yeah, we're getting all these angry people. He's like, but they're miles and miles away. How is that possible? Because they just want to hear hillbilly music. Right. That shit don't carry.

It's some damp stuff. It falls right to to the ground it's not hillbilly people here that's the thing it's like that that weird stereotype that i just reinforced that's so not true that's the weirdest thing about austin it's like these people are fucking cool they're pretty progressive and pretty open-minded. They're just packing. Yeah. It's weird. I love it. It's a good place, man. You know our buddy PDC, by the way? Sure.

He posted this photo, and it's him. He lives in Oklahoma now. And him in line at the grocery store. And I guess you're allowed to carry in Oklahoma. Of course, it's Oklahoma. But he's waiting in line, and the person in front of me has a holster with the gun pointing out the side, but the barrel is pointing right at him, and you just see a photo of his two hands, and he's like, I'm just trying to get paper towels.

There's a gun pointed at me. Bro. Weed's legal in Oklahoma, right? What? Is weed legal in Oklahoma? Yeah, it just became legal, yeah. It's opening up Texas. Yeah, if Oklahoma gots it. What do you think, right? Is weed legal in Oklahoma? Yeah, it just became legal, yeah. It's opening up Texas. If Oklahoma gots it, what do you think, Texas?

It's got not much time before it jumps in there. They need it. They're going to need it once all these California people move here. It's already happened. Can't put everybody in jail. So John Heffron, God bless John Heffron, he told me- That should be the name of your first comedy special. That's my first album. God bless John Heffron, God bless John Heffron, he told me- That should be the name of your first- That's my first album.

God bless John Heffron. So he told me the biggest thing he learned from moving is to sell everything or get rid of everything, throw it away, donate it, or whatever, and rebuy it. It's not worth taking some bullshit Ikea shit and paying for that storage. And trust me, that was the best thing ever that happened to me. But the bad thing is I have to rebuy everything, like my couch. If I need a nightstand, I have to. But the good thing is you can start from scratch.

Yeah. You can think about what you actually need and want. But it empties you. But the bad thing is that all these furniture stores, everyone's moving here to Austin. There's nothing there. There's nothing. They're like, we have a three-month wait. month wait i'm like you're called rooms to go like

you're supposed to be able to go with a room it's in your name but you know how crazy it's been to people that live here to see this place explode the way it's exploded yeah i don't think it's we know you know in la where we lived before people were always moving there they would come they would go there was always someone coming and going but this place is just all coming and no In LA, where we lived before, people were always moving there. They would come. They would go. There was always someone coming and going. But this place is just all coming, and no one's going. Right.

I hate talking about it, man. I know. Because I know that people know already, and I don't want more people moving here. But this place is the shit. It's fine. Texas really hates us, too. They don't hate us. I mean, there's a lot of Texas people. I'm friends with a lot of Texas people. I'm friends with a lot of Texas people.

I'm friends with the governor. We just got to figure out the right way to vote. Just keep things the same. Yeah, we can't bring our blue shit to this state. Exactly. This is what we need. We need compassionate Republicans. That's what we need.

We need open-minded, compassionate people that understand business. So those two things can coexist they can coexist man but that's not been the case when you look at the democrats and the republicans it's always been like the democrats especially lately have this extraordinary trust in the government to take care of things and the the the republicans have been more like let's let people open their businesses and make their own decisions for themselves and carry guns. And, like, that's why this place is the shit. Because it's a weird mix.

It's the most unusual mix of progressive people and also, like, red state folks. It's like it's a good friendly mix, man. You know, like, a friend of mine called me up the day of the election when Joe Biden won. And he's like, what is it like there in Texas? I go, dude, I'm in Austin. It's not just Texas. It's Austin, Texas. People are honking their horns and waving their hands up in the air.

They're all happy. Fucking dummies. But it's not the best thing in the world that that guy won. It's not the worst thing, but they were pumped. They wanted it to be so. Right. Silly people. I'm lucky my neighborhood that I've moved into is all military and police officers.

Of course. I know where you live. And they all have come to me to introduce themselves with their family. Isn't that crazy? That doesn't happen in Los Angeles. The guy next to me growing up, he was fencing in his backyard. He would hide. He would throw smoke bombs down so he doesn't have – you know what I mean?

He was fencing? Yeah, yeah. He was a fencer. He's actually a wrestler. A wrestler who sometimes fences? Like a WWE person. Oh, that's right. he was a fencer he's actually a wrestler a wrestler like a wrestler sometimes like a wwe person oh and uh and uh that's right but uh you know you know uh but what's weird is that it's so different in los angeles where it's like fuck thy neighbor to now it's like oh yeah this is

normal life like the neighbors are introducing their family like we're gonna live across the street yeah i think people are here we're just pumped to get rid of Trump so they could get rid of the division and all the chaos. And I don't necessarily think that it's – they really believed that when Biden won that it was going to be better. But they were just happy to get rid of Trump. My concern is what happens when Biden checks out. Because I don't – unless they got some new shit, some Captain America stuff that I don't know about, they're going to shoot him up with it. Hey man, Bernie 101, dude.

Bernie's going to run next round and he's going to win. No, he's not. He's so old. No, he's not. Did you see that photo, man? He's number one on TikTok. He can do that thing with his legs. He can cross his legs over. Have you seen the one where he's the dude with the big dick

sitting by the bed? This one with him choking Conor McGregor. That's my favorite. That's my favorite one. The choking one and the Sharon Stone vagina one. Yes. Someone posted something that I think is a really astute comment. They said that the

Bernie memes show that the internet has recovered. Yeah. Because now we're all about fun and not about Trump. That's the benefit of having Trump out of office, because people didn't trust him. He's got the nuclear football. He's crazy. His hair's glued on.

No one knew what the fuck was going on, right? They were worried. They were worried. And then with the attack on Capitol Hill, they're like, I fucking told you. This isn't a smart move. This isn't wise. This isn't the way to do it.

All of it was crazy. Hamster Dance is going to make a comeback. Did you hear about that? He made these. He sold them, and he gave all the money away to charity. He's beautiful. Good man. Good for him, man.

Fucking love Bernie, dude. I love him, too, man. I just wish when I said that I really liked him and I'd probably vote for him that people didn't go through my act and pull out a bunch of shit out of context and make him look like he made a terrible decision. That's the future of everything, right? Well, it's clickbait bullshit, but it's also, that's the sport. The sport is find what people have said that's fucked up,

not what they actually stand for. You know, it's easy. It's easy to do. And it's easy to do if you want your person to win. And it's easy to do if you want your person to win and it's easy to do if you don't necessarily represent people but rather represent the special interests of one party or another and that party did not want that guy to be at the head and they didn't want tulsi gabbard to be at the head and they didn't want andrew yang to be at the head those are the three people i was interested in

tulsi number one but i didn't necessarily think that that would – I felt like Bernie was the best shot. I'm like, that one might work because it's so polar opposite of Trump, and he doesn't give a fuck, and he's really – it's hard to attack him. He's been the same guy forever, and who knows what would happen if he implemented a lot of the things that he wanted to do. Who knows what would happen if they absolved student loans? implemented a lot of the things that he wanted to do. Like, who knows what would happen if they absolved student loans? Who knows what would happen with all those people who would be free to just start businesses and then give them that with tax breaks? What about a little bit of both?

What about giving them less taxes, less government, less regulation, but also, like, help people out. We've got to figure out what the fuck to do with the worst neighborhoods in this country. It's been going on for too long. Invest a bunch of money. They invested all this money into coronavirus relief and all this money into, they gave money to other countries during COVID relief, right? That was part of the bill. What about these cities?

What about these fucked up cities that have been there forever? They've been fucked since slavery and fucked since Jim Crow. And we don't do shit about them. Fucked since redlining. We just leave them alone? And we give all the money to Coca-Cola or whoever lost business? They should have better parent law where they give you a little extra boost. Dude, we just got to take money out of politics.

And that's a silly thing, a stoner thing to say a thing that's like so simple to say and so hard to do but that's what's wrong it's not that it's bad to make money it's not that's bad to you know to state your point and to let people choose in terms of who's their candidate the problem is the money the money distorts everything with it you know we're one of two countries on the fucking planet earth That allows drug companies to make commercials You know How weird is that When you see like some

List of possible side effects You know For something that just calms you down Includes explosive diarrhea And your legs falling off And your fucking dick shrinking And you're like well at least I won't be anxious what's the other countries though i think it's the most powerful country i think it's new zealand find out who's that what are the two companies that allow

drug companies to write commercials i believe it's new zealand in the united states and new zealand gets is it wait mexico doesn't like that you know i don't believe that like a steel trap son i don't believe that though mexico doesn't allow it? I don't believe that, though. Like a steel trap, son. I don't believe that, though. Mexico doesn't allow it? We allow underage prostitution and illegal drugs that we know, and gangs and police. But you know what? Those drug commercials just better cut out that shit. Because the drug commercials cut into the cocaine and fentanyl sales. That's so true.

Mexico doesn't allow drug commercials and then look at the united states like you fucking savages guatemala's like what are you doing nicaragua was like are you bitches crazy colombia's like you can hunt lions but fuck drug commercials zantac does what no not in our country wait a minute what are the side effects for keeping your hair what are the side effects yes Yes, that seems like a bullshit article right there. No, it's true. Can't be real.

How are our United States the only one, though? For those very reasons. I would like to say that I know for a fact it's not true, but obviously I've never left this room when I've made these assertions. I've done no real journalism. But it's real. It's the United States and New Zealand are the only two countries that allow drug companies to make commercials. Capitalism. But it's real. It's the United States and New Zealand are the only two companies,

or countries rather, that allow drug companies to make commercials for fucking drugs. And they trick you into thinking it's going to fix you. That's what's fucked up about it. Like, look, cults are illegal, right? We know you're not supposed to start a cult, right? In a lot of countries at least. We know you're ripping people off your line to them. Like, why?

Because you're manipulating them. You're getting them to think that you're the messiah if you pretend to be jesus like god the fucking shit you're not jesus you're not a psychic you're not really channeling like that's gross man when you hear about people that are like oh i'm talking to your mom from beyond the grave you are not talking to her mom you know you're not you're a liar you're a piece of shit but that's you know why is it okay to this these drug companies to sell ads your doctor your doctor should be incentivized only to take care of you that your doctor should never experience a jump in profit if they prescribe more drugs they just shouldn't we should look at that we can go listen people are so easily

influenced by material possessions and good because we're monkeys we want to collect bananas we want a pile look at my bananas you know and also if you bananas can like get you laid like bananas girls like you're gonna try to get more bananas right that's what we do that's what doctors do my wife's mom was a nurse and she used to tell me that, well, she tells me, she'll tell you tonight if I ask her, that the drug companies used to take them all out to dinner when she was a nurse. So they're all a nurse. They're making a very moderate salary. You know, it's not a lot of money. And they're like, we're going to take you to Del Frisco's and have a nice steak dinner. Like, oh, you know, those drug companies are

going to take care of you. Buy whatever you want. You want a drink? You want a margarita? You're like, oh, margarita with my steak would be wonderful right now. And you're, you know, you're like getting by. You're eating ramen sometimes. You've got to pay the gas bill.

And all of a sudden, this fucking company that sells some anti-anxiety medication that might cause a few suicides here and now and weak-minded people. But for you, it's going to be great. When you're a server, those are the best parties to get. I bet. Because you know. Yeah. You know they're all showing up to take advantage of this thing. You know the person paying doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah. They don't give a fuck. They're trying to spread that love to you, too. Oh, yeah. Hey, Jamie. Why don't you take yourself a 30% tip? Come on back next week. How about that?

Unless they had a guaranteed 15% and they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you jack the bill up. Then you start to keep drinking. We're going to be back here next week with some butt implant surgeons. We got some ideas. We'll keep the room for you. Yeah. We'll save some of the good wine.

It's weird, man. It's like I believe in free speech. But I also believe we should have a debate on whether or not you're influencing people to do things that may or may not be good for them or for everybody else. Like, there's a lot of people out there taking medication,

and maybe they should just go for a walk. Yes. Right? Like, if you just said that to people, it's not that simple. It's not that easy makes me wonder though i've never taken any any kind of medication ever in my life ssris or any of that shit nothing i've never taken anything and i feel like it probably would help me so much a little

this that phrase makes me skeptical it probably helped me so much. A little? I mean, because you self-meditate. Or medicate, you know? You should. You should always self-meditate, by the way. But no, you self-medicate when your body feels like it needs to fix something. That's why you start drinking more. You start smoking more. You start doing something.

Or have some of this fine tobacco. Or have some of this green tea. Allegedly smuggled in from Afghanistan. Delicious. Kush. It's a good word, right? Kush. Kush is a good word.

It is. It's like it makes you feel good, right? Wet. You want some kush? Who would say no to that? Wet kush. Yeah, who doesn't want some kush? Who wants some kush? Kush would say no to that? Wet kush. Yeah, who doesn't want some kush? Who wants some kush?

Kush? Damn. Kush? Nope. Kush makes you feel like you're going to get a hug. Jamie, you feel left out? Man, I was just thinking, I saw something recently about how people would smoke hash back in the 1930s or something like that.

They would just take the ball of hash and put it on something and then just sort of try to breathe in as much of the smoke as they could i don't know how they figured the first time i ever saw hash this is a true story i was with my manager and an agent and this agent we were in a hotel room in montreal i was a a rookie just just in the game kids i had only been uh doing stand-up at the time for thank you sir i'd only been doing stand-up for eight nine nine one maybe five years maybe five years and i was with my manager and we were with uh an agent from a large agency and we were in his hotel room and he was like hey i like what you're doing you're a funny fuck you're really doing great he goes you want some hash i go no i'm good this is i was in my 20s i was a straight

edge back then i drank a little bit but that's it i didn't fuck with drugs because drugs are for losers so he has a uh uh like a thumbtack with a piece of hash on it. He lights the hash on fire, and he has a glass, and he blows on the hash, and he covers it with the glass, and then he gets his face down on the table and lifts up the glass. He goes... Yeah. I saw something like that. I remember thinking this sad drug addict is going to be my manager or my agent.

This is so pathetic. Not my manager. I have one manager. I've had the same manager. He's going to be my manager or my agent. This is so pathetic. Not my manager. I have one manager. I've had the same manager. He's the best. And she's the best. And she's the best, yes. They're the best.

But they've been with me since I was an open miker. I'm so lucky. You're very lucky. I was just going to say, you're so lucky. What did I do in another life, Brian? Yeah. Tell me. You've known me forever.

You'd probably be, you'd have a gym or you'd be a carpenter. Yeah, but there was something I did that was good. Artists. You're an artist. No, I mean, I got lucky. Oh, what did you do? What did I do that let me be so lucky in this life? Something so small and like crazy.

You were at like a pier once and you picked up somebody's coat and that coat, that person that you picked up was an alien that that coat that person's that you picked up was an alien that's living undercover that we will find out about in a couple years i don't think that's it i don't believe in past lives that you've actually done something but no not necessarily same life but it's something that uh that's burt that's burt smoking hash what year is this uh see it keeps coming around Keeps coming around again That's Burt 100%

Scroll up That's Burt If it's not Burt It's Tom Green Who else could it be? I don't know It's called the smoker That could be Burt

No it's more Tom Green Than Burt No yeah It's definitely Tom Green Who else? There's someone else It looks like someone else Burt makes that face

As long as The hair is not Burt But the face It was just the Like whoo Yeah but there's someone else it looks like someone else makes that face as long as the hair is not bird but the face was just that like whoa yeah but there's someone else they're different though those eyes are yeah it's somebody else rocky horror picture show yeah Tim Curry yeah oh yeah that's who it is the time warp again it's just a jump to the left and then a step to the right my girlfriend worked at this restaurant in burbank and tim curry came in and i didn't know he was still alive like i love tim curry but you haven't heard about him in a long time and he came in in a wheelchair and i guess he was very sad and my my girlfriend texted me, like, Tim Curry's here. Do you know him? I'm like, clue.

There's one time that I was disappointed in myself for not being ready for a moment that I didn't expect. So I ran into Jonathan Katz. Jonathan Katz from Mr. Katz. Was he shaky? He was in a wheelchair. This is what happened. Jonathan Katz from Mr. Katz. Was he shaky?

He was in a wheelchair. This is what happened. The first time I ever went on stage ever, Jonathan Katz was the host of the open mic night. And he was like super friendly to me. He was really nice. I was going to bail out. I was scared.

I just didn't want to do it. I was told when I signed up that i may or may not get on stage i'm on again but just like the story with my friend dave with the lady it's a sketchy picture of images but i'm pretty sure of the facts and the facts were he signed up at stitches and there was you know everybody is five minutes for each slot and there was a certain amount of slots over the night, and he wasn't sure whether or not I could get on. I signed up, and he said to me, I don't know whether or not you'll be able to get up because there's a few people that haven't showed up.

They haven't checked in. He goes, I think I'll probably be able to get you on. So I was like, okay, okay. All right, thank you. So I remember being super nervous, like so nervous. I couldn't believe how nervous I was because I was still fighting then all the time. I fought like I don't know how many times. If I had to count them all up, it was more than like 80 times over the course of like six years.

I was fighting all the time. And I would think that that would be so scary that getting on stage wouldn't be scary but it was so much more scary i was really freaked out because i was like wasn't prepared i thought i was like i thought i was mentally strong i was like i've done some wild shit you know i'm ready i'm ready to do that i was so fucking scared and i was like i knew i was probably not i mean i was probably gonna get on but maybe not gonna get on and i got to the point where i was saying to him i was gonna i was gonna walk up to Jonathan. I was gonna say it's fine I'm gonna I'm just gonna go And I was thinking this in my head and he came up to me and he goes okay. You're on he goes

You're gonna be on tonight. I was like oh my god. Okay. Thank you I did I felt like he did give me it did me a solid he slipped me in when the other guy didn't show up I had to go up now. I felt like super obligated and I was so nervous I was so nervous and I went up and I wasn't good at all by any stretch of the imagination but I got a couple laughs I got a couple of ha ha's I was like whoo like people like that's it you know like kind of funny but retarded I said it three times today that's a. I don't mean anybody with a disease. I mean people like me when I was 21.

A slowing of growth and progress. But there was a point where I was like, I think I got off stage. I was like, I think I can do this. And I talked to Jonathan afterwards. He was very friendly and very nice. And I remember seeing his set like later, like a real set, and being like, wow, how lucky did I get that that guy was the host of the first time I ever went on stage.

That's so fortunate. Because he was different than me, and he was really funny and really kind of dry, slow burn jokes, like really good writing, really good jokes. And just a really nice guy, slow burn jokes. Like really good writing. Really good jokes. And just a really nice guy. Really smart guy. And then when he had that show, Mr. Katz.

Remember that show? I love that show. Animated show. Hell yeah. Jiggly. And then one time I just ran into him in an elevator. It was just so random. I didn't expect to run into him.

And I was like, hey. And he was in a wheelchair. I was like, hey, and he was in a wheelchair. I was like, hey, man, how are you? You all right? Like, what's going on? And we exchanged platitudes, and it was very nice to talk to him, great to see him. And he was telling me about he's got some sort of a neurological disorder that it was easier for him to get around in a wheelchair. I didn't know anything about The Voice or the actual Dr. Katz.

He was a really good comic. He was a really good comic. He was a really good comic. So he died. When did he die? No, I asked. I don't think he died. He's still alive, right? I feel like I follow him now. That's a weird thing when you accidentally say he died. That was a question mark at the end of it.

I don't believe so. I don't believe he has because I would have heard it. I ran into him in the elevator. I didn't expect to run into him. end of it i don't believe so i don't believe he has because i would have heard it uh but uh i ran into him in the elevator i just didn't i didn't expect to run into him i didn't know what i was probably high right and uh i wish i could tell him like that guy like he like he really helped me he was like the first guy ever to host an open mic night you know that i like i'll never forget it that's like that one moment is like a very important moment in your whole life. Do you think you could interview him?

I would love to. If he's good, if he's cool, if he's healthy. I don't know what's going on with him physically. Right. But if he's healthy, I would love to. Yeah, one of the guys on Kill Tony is Michael Larry. He is ALS, and it's so interesting to see. Him and my girlfriend's mom, who's dying of this rare blood disease,

I'm just like, how can I do a Kickstarter? Can I fix both of these people? You would need super scientists, right? Right. It's just like you see somebody like when Trump got the corona, he immediately was like, I'm good. Yeah, but that's a different thing, man. It's like that's a disease where like they had some experimental magic johnson but that's a different thing too

that's a different thing too can i get that magic johnson juice it's like that's that's where it's interesting because that's where the real motivation for fixing these problems that you or I don't have comes from our loved ones have to get these problems whether it's ALS or Parkinson's or whatever it is like when your loved one gets it and then you're like shit how do I fix this how do I help what can I do and then you realize oh my god I gotta pay scientists like we need scientists eat your dishes it's it's so weird and it's such an easy cliche thing to say because you could say it and be disingenuous but i'm being serious just let just relax all preconceived notions about this topic why do you know who oscar winners are but you

don't know who nobel prize winners are how weird is that it's weird. It's so weird that we know whether or not JLo's butt is real, but we don't know what Bode's Law is. We don't know about how many planets have been discovered. We don't know about how did CRISPR get invented. Are they really making babies with CRISPR? Are they engineering superhumans right now as we speak? Babies with CRISPR. Are they engineering superhumans right now as we speak? There's so much science going on that really affects the world. And we're so concerned about pop stars or what I think about something. Or what you think about something. Or what fucking new movie with James Bond. When's that bitch coming out? I want to see James Bond win again.

I want to see James Bond win. I'm tired of waiting. You need to be James Bond, dude. I want to see James Bond win. I'm tired of waiting. You need to be James Bond, dude. I'm not interested in being James Bond. That's not what I'm saying. He's been dropping his James Bond. He wants to be James Bond. I do not want to be a spy. I'm a Roger Moore guy. I do love those movies. Me too. Who is your favorite

Bond? Daniel Craig by a mile. Really? By a goddamn country mile. Interesting. the only thing that separates people from my opinion is nostalgia if you just looked at it objectively if i said which one of these motherfuckers really looks like he could kill people there's one answer it's daniel craig you don't really think that timothy dalton's out there nuking no not tim fuckers and no it's stabbing people roger moore I'm not Roger Moore. Roger Moore is fantastic, but you don't believe that Roger Moore

is legitimately out there fucking people up. You don't know. Look, he's got that dead Barbie and Ken doll. Listen to me, bitch. He's a Barbie. You got two options. You got Sean Connery. If you're being dishonest and you want nostalgia,

who doesn't love Sean Connery? I love Sean Connery, but it's just like the difference between going back to the early days of Jim Jeffries being the heavyweight champion of the world versus Mike Tyson. The newer ones are better. You might decide, Jim Jeffries was the old days.

John L. Sullivan with his mustache. How long do you think John L. Sullivan would survive with a primetime Mike Tyson? How many seconds? That would be the bet. How many seconds does he live before Mike Tyson just fucking crushes his skull? That's the same thing. That's a robot, though. Roger Moore's a robot alien.

You got two options, if you're being honest. It's not disrespectful for Roger Moore. It's not disrespectful for Tim Dalton. I don't even know who some of these guys are. You got two options. Look at the Pixar one. That's not real. Sean Connery, if you're a silly bitch, and you got Daniel Craig, if you're being honest.

Sean Connery is a wonderful actor. But if I had a choice, if the two of them are locked in a room, who's going to live? Sean Connery's a wonderful actor. But if I had a choice, if the two of them are locked in a room, who's going to live? Sean Connery or Daniel Craig? Daniel Craig's going to kill Sean Connery. I'm so sad to announce. Everybody loved that interview where he talked to Barbara Walters

about smacking chicks. I disagree. That's Indiana Jones' father. I know! I know! He was great. It was a different time. it was a different time it was a different time daniel craig looks like he can legitimately kill people he's the only one like if you asked me if there's a fight to the death between all those guys one-on-one fights is it daniel craig

he's gonna win i'm so sorry i never got into guy. He's the only one that seems like a real killer. He's like a tortured guy. It's a good... The problem with... This is the problem. Is that the first one? Daniel Craig is 007. Or the last one?

The most recent one. Yeah. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. It's almost like if you want to... If you're a person who just wants to look at this objectively, you have to separate yourself from all the other James Bonds. You have to pretend they don't exist.

And you have to look at this as an individual occurrence. Like him as James Bond is a new thing. Let's look at what that is. Well, it really does seem like there's this dude who's not perfect. Like there's a girl who's threatening him, talking about shooting him in his good knee. She knew which knee was fucked up right he's not perfect right he gets drunk he's killing people he's having all these uh romantic uh affairs with spies and shit and barely surviving but as an individual entity as the james bond who's better than him who's better if

you really want to be honest you you grew up with Roger Moore but you knew about Sean Connery but do you think you only like him because he's the most realistic because it's the most recent no no cuz he's the best he's the best gets faker listen to me if he existed and then if Sean Connery, or no, how about this? This is honest. If he existed, and then Tim Dalton came on after him. Is that Tim Dalton? Yes.

Timothy Dalton. Timothy Dalton. If he came on after that guy, it wouldn't work out. It wouldn't work. It was a different James Bond back then. When Timothy Dalton was on, he was perfect for it. It was like this kind of campy, fun thing where the dude dressed real nice. It didn't have to be realistic.

He always won. Ooh, smooth spy. Ha ha martini. Bon, James Bon. And everyone's like, yay! We win, right? It was ridiculous. It was like Karate Kid. Right. Right? Yep. It was ridiculous. But, if you came to a contest where who seems like a real killer there's one answer

it's daniel craig that's a real killer that's a person who kills people he nailed it the other people are like timothy dalton's killing people are you sure yeah it started it sounds like it makes uh a lot of the stakes matter here like the uh how good the movie is. Yes. The action movie. If they made an Austin Powers-y type movie, Daniel Craig doesn't fit, right? They're starting to slow down and joke and he's not shooting.

No, no. He would be terrible for that because Roger Moore was more comedic. Remember Roger Moore that walked onto the set of the fake moon landing? Do you remember that episode?

It was one of his movies. They accidentally burst into the set of people faking the moon landing. And Roger Moore, there was like do you remember that episode it was one of one of his movies they accidentally burst into the set of people faking the moon landing and roger moore i forget which one it was it was that austin powers no dude i'm telling you it was it was hilarious it was hilarious what was that one see roger moore was a different movie it doesn't mean that those movies weren't great because when i was a kid they were were great. What it means is... Roger Moore, man. Yeah. Oh, Diamonds Are Forever, 1971.

So, that was before they killed the moon landing program. They did it from 69 to I believe they did it at 72. So, Roger Moore probably was a part of how they killed the moon landing program. Was that Don Knotts? Look at this.

Is that Don Knotts as a cop? Look how crazy this is. See, this is like a totally... Oh, so this is Sean Connery. Oh, it's not even Roger Moore. Oh my God, I'm wrong. I thought it was by this time it was Roger Moore.

Yeah, this was that HBO in the early 80s feel. What a handsome bastard he was. He was so handsome. Where is he going in that? What year did... Look at that. The cops are running out there and he's got like a fucking moon rover.

He's driving away to get away from the cops. Oh, he's going to drive through the wall. Oh, Jesus. So he's on the fake moon landing set. He escapes. Bro, this is crazy. This is crazy. Then there and there's don nuts right where's jackie gleason i'll tell you boy remember jackie gleason and fucking smoky and the bandit that was a great clip come on man do you know that's the thing about jackie gleason it's like

he was in smoky and the bandit but he was also in the hustler which is like an amazing dramatic movie from like what is that like 63 or something like that the hustler jackie gleason was in that and then he was in 70s no that was the color of money which is like in the 80s but the the hustler was in i think it was 63 and jackie 61 oh my god so Kennedy was alive 61 and Jackie Gleason was like this world champion pool player

so he went from that serious dark movie about like losers and winners and hustlers and like

and people like sell themselves out it was an amazing movie man yeah I was totally thinking of the other movie dude the guy who wrote this is Walter Tevis it's the same guy who wrote the queen's gambit no shit same guy yeah they're both similar in a way someone should do a real legitimate hustler a walter tevis version of the

hustler like for netflix iced tea no no, no. No, you need that story. That story with Eddie Felsen, with Fast Eddie Felsen, and with Minnesota Fats, or New York Fats. Minnesota Fats in that movie was the original Minnesota Fats. There was a guy named New York Fats that decided that Walter Tevis stole his shit, and so he changed his name to Minnesota Fats. So you know there was a guy named Minnesota Fats who was a really, really good pool player, no doubt about it.

But he wasn't really Minnesota Fats. He changed his name to be Minnesota Fats so that he would be the same guy in the movie The Hustler. So he became this number one pool player guy. He was just a hustler. And this guy, Willie Moscone, who's like a legitimate, like, stoic, wears a suit and tie world champion straight pool player he like famously played minnesota fats in a series of games on abc

wide world of sports damn they used to have these wide world sports pool matches i remember the wild world of sports that was the big thing back in the day. But the Minnesota Fats guy was just a he was a con man. He was a good pool player, but conned his way. That's fake. No, it's a pool game. Dude, Minnesota Fats became, here's the thing. He was a con man, but he was also a really good pool player.

Like world class pool player. So you couldn't sleep on him. But he was also a bullshit artist. Because his name wasn't minnesota fats he was new york fats and the movie came out he goes they was doing that movie about me i'm minnesota fats so he changed his name to minnesota fats wrote books it was in movies and everybody was like minnesota fats the best pool player on earth and willie moscow and he was like he would go crazy because he really was the best pool player on earth.

Crazy. With this guy, just fucking snuck in and he's got a game. That's hilarious. And it's not that he wasn't a great pool player. He was a great pool player. He wasn't like a world championship caliber pool player, but he was also a bit of a hustler

and a bullshit artist. So he found an opening where he could just say that that was about me, and then when you watched him play, like, who's going to argue with him? There's, like, a few guys that could argue with him. He was a really good player, but it wasn't him. It was Jackie Gleason in a Walter Tevis movie. It's like a girl coming up right now pretending she's the chess version of Beth Harmon.

She could lie. She could be some hustler from west virginia some girls on pills yeah i've been where i am her you know i knew that guy when he wrote that they wrote that book in like the 1950s or he did walter tevis or whenever he the hustler and that book i think we're in the same time period. I think. I think maybe this one maybe came... The Hustler was like, I think he wrote that in the 50s. 59. 59.

When did he write Queen's Gambit? What was that really popular chess movie that was like in the 90s? Searching for Bobby Fischer. No, no, no, no. The one that was like white... Oh, shit was 83 action thriller 83 is that when he wrote it oh really that much later was that the last thing he wrote no did he write that he wrote the color of money too right yeah right after the year after that oh after oh really really and when was it a movie it had to be right after that right it was like 86 or something film adaptation 86

yeah dude back then when that was that night moves Bob Seger no no the movie nightmares what is that you never saw nightmares ohves? Uh-uh. Oh, dude, Night Moves. Who's in it? It was awesome. It was directed by Carl. Carl? It had Christopher Lambert in it, Daniel Baldwin, Tom Skurrit, Diane Lane, Ferdy Main, Blue Macamama. Who's Carl? The director has one name? Carl Schenkel?

Oh. Schenkel? I thought he was doing like the madonna thing no i'm roseanne bitch he did snowpiercer i don't know sebastian is the only male white comedian to pull off the one name thing in the history of the known universe yeah who else has done it white guys name me one name me a white guy who's pulled off the one name thing um come on earthquake no you got oprah right you got oprah oprah did the one day heraldo rivera but he's he's cuban he's cub Cuban. You disrespectful piece of shit.

Jerry. Jerry. Springer. Oh, I don't think. Seinfeld. There's too many Jerrys. Seinfeld. Seinfeld, yeah. But that's a last name.

But one name. Oh, you mean first name. No, one name. It's like that's all they go by. Like Sebastian. Who says Sebastian Manasalco? Assholes. True.

Assholes. You know Sebastian. Oh, Fabio. Fabio. Good call. Fabio. I got to think I think one I got a girl for you Eliza Eliza is the most recent one to do it if you say Eliza you don't have to say Schlesinger That's true. Oh, I would see the comic her name was Eliza. I know that better see Morrissey But that's the last name right?

What's his real name? Does he have a first name Or no You could change it Imagine if you could erase your history Oh I know Forget my name That's not me man

Actually what's Steve Steven Patrick Morrissey's name Hasselhock Hasselhock Hasselback David Maybe Have you ever listened to his music

Hell yeah I'm a big fan i got a tattoo yeah i showed you that i can't show it on that podcast but if you guys want to say it again yeah it's illegal we're in texas we're in the bible belt we can't be fucking around with nudity. I got it. But he was like a giant pop star in Germany, right? He still is. And they're auctioning his statue from SpongeBob right now. Like, you could buy this for the new studio.

What does it say? Q-Stack? He's featured. This is a newer song. This song came out a month ago. Give me a little bit of this. Come on. Give me a little bit of this come on give me a little bit how did he become british did he take a course what happened that's a filter

you can turn it off for a different country. It's like being a unicorn. Hey, everybody. We're going to do it this time. Let me hear more. This is Alex Jones' ringtone. I think this is a cover song. Is it?

Well, there's another one right here. From Satan? Lord of the New Church. Here's a legitimate question. If that wasn't the guy from Baywatch, and it was this really cool avant-garde artist, wouldn't you treat that song differently? It says million views last well they're all German hey it's Michael Jackson off Michael's acting us with his content oh this is from a movie couldn't remember that one I met that

dude he was on an episode of Fear Factor he's a very nice guy David Hasselhoff yeah hey he was a really nice guy like real friendly like easy to talk to Google Hasselhoff auction Spongebob dude seriously

look how realistic and big this statue of David Hasselhoff is that's up for auction right now it is don't make me buy this

dude you have to buy this and that is not realistic it's from Spongebob It is... Don't make me buy this. Dude, you have to buy this. And... That is not realistic. It's from Spongebob. It's from Saved by the Bell. It's from Spongebob. If you had that at your backyard party for your kids...

I'd have to shoot that with arrows. I'd have to pretend that it's a giant person trying to attack me. 14 feet long. Crawling on the ground. I'd be like that motherfucker up with arrows. It's crazy looking. No, no, no. Look at that. that motherfucker up with arrows. It's crazy looking. No, no, no. Look at that.

Get that away from me. That is so ridiculous. That doesn't look anything like him. He should fire those people. It's from a SpongeBob movie. That scene is classic, hilarious. He's had a weird life, right? David Hasselhoff.

He's gone from being like this heartthrob on this TV show to being like, just like, it's kind of fun. You know? Like if you have it in a movie, it's like good for a comedy. He walks in and he's still kind of good looking, you know? Tall, robust. Comes in, raises his eyebrows, says something ridiculous. Makes your movie better.

Yeah, it's amazing how it worked for him, but yet other people that do the same shit it doesn't work for it's kind of like the comics that never make it like the the patch from days of our lives like he was hot and sexy back patch you know patch and kayla like he had a patch on i don't know you never watched a little anyways what's his name he's i don't know man i know i don't even know his jam. Jamie can find it. I don't know who you're talking about. Steve Johnson. Steve Johnson?

That's the guy's name, the character. But he's been a heartthrob his whole life, and he's never, you never see him and get like, oh, man, he's. Oh, that guy. Oh, my God. I didn't know this was real. He had a patch? Yeah, dude.

He's my favorite. You could never do that today, because you'd be an ableist. He's still the same role. Still has a patch? Still has it. He's still the same role. Still as a patch? Still has it. He's still on the show. Really? And he's still sexy patch guy.

Okay. How old is he now? I don't know. I love him so much. Listen, there's something amazing about soap operas. This is 1985. He's still doing it? Yeah.

Oh, my God. So he's 33 years? He's gone off and on a little bit. You've got to get him on the podcast with a patch. I would love to. I would love to. I would love to. I'd have him on anytime he wants to come on. Him and Kayla.

Listen, you've got to think. Like, days of our lives. Do you remember when... Here's a weird moment in time. I want to bring everybody back. It's a weird moment in time where General Hospital became one of the biggest shows in the country. It was a daytime

soap opera and there was a drama between Luke and Laura. And this was when I was in high school and I watched General Hospital. I have never since, I've never since been like really into a sitcom or, I mean, not a sitcom,

what are they called? What are those things called soap opera where i would watch it every day i've never done it since right never me either i was at days or life bro we were glued me and my sister and all our friends we were glued we need to know what was going to happen with luke and laura and there's a lot of people like god luke i don't get it like how the fuck could luke get Laura? She's so hot. Like, what is it about Luke? Like, he's kind of like an average looking dude.

How the fuck is he getting Laura? And it was part of the magic of this. Because a lot of dudes were like, man, if she likes Luke, she'd probably like me. She'd probably like me. Question. What news did you grow up watching more, NBC, ABC, or CBS? That's a good question. I don't know.

I'm guessing CBS. Who was the anchors? I don't know, because it was local. I want to be honest with you. I didn't pay attention to any news at all. I bet it's CBS. No, no, no. I mean zero.

Zero news until I was deep in my 20s. Literally didn't pay attention at all. I was deep in my 20s Literally didn't pay attention At all I was never home I would go from high school to Taekwondo practice I didn't watch any news I didn't give a fuck about the news I was trying to kick people

I was a news junkie even as a baby Because it was like This tells me where the tornado warnings are from It's the same channel I would have been i would have been the dumbest person to talk to about anything going on in the world because i literally didn't know what was happening i didn't know at all i would hear like oh russia wants to kill us is gonna kill us i didn't know anything so it helped it helped i got through a lot of uh the ideas like people like when you're growing up

you can get you can seek comfort in ideas that other people agree to like you can find a bunch of other people that have similar ideas or ideas you can accept you can embrace them yeah i see your point you're like okay we're on the same team you could dive into that and it's it's very tempting it's very tempting the best thing that happened to me it's one of the best things that ever happened at the time i thought it was the worst thing because i was so lonely you know so like i didn't feel like i fit in with anybody and then it didn't make sense at all all these people like they would even people that i loved hanging out with i was like i gotta get out of here i felt like i was trapped like i always felt like i just want i had all these wild ideas that i needed to explore i'm

like i can't stay here like we're this is bad like we shouldn't be staying here and that like if those weird moments that you have when you're a kid like those are these weird doors you either go through or you don't you know you ever think back on things that you've done like just weird moments in your life where you have this idea like i gotta go that way you have to go that way like what is what is that? Is that just your understanding of all the possibilities? Or is there a fucking added little element? Just a little bit of fairy breeze that comes your way that says, Brian, Brian, come on.

Come with us. Take a chance. You know what you want to do. I think it's teaching. Like, when I was a kid, choose your own adventure was a thing. And it taught want to do i think it's teaching like when i was a kid choose your own adventure was a thing and it taught me to either choose a or b and then i started incorporating in that in my life and thinking like there was two options instead of a billion that's people that don't know what you're talking about choose your own adventure was a book that you used to

like read the first page and it would be like and then you get to the cave do you want to go in the cave or run away? Be a little bitch. Get the fuck out of there and tell. Billy stayed in the cave and it was filled with hot porn stars and gold. Bobby got eaten by wolves. That made you think that there was just like a couple options. And I think that as a kid that's just like teaching anything where like you learn something you start growing up like oh there's

only two options it's either go to the cops or like or like rob the place or do this or do that like yeah violence and evil you know good and bad church good and bad But even that becomes bad sometimes. Right? With all these woke fucks looking to get angry at people, what have they done about priests? Where's the outrage? Where's the outrage on pedophile priests? Is there some movement that I'm not aware of,

or is it largely ignored? No, Tijuana loves them, man. No, Brian. Stop with the the jokes son of a bitch trying to make a point if people really wanted to fix things and get rid of the evil in the world wouldn't you go after the fucking people that have been accused of fucking kids when that be numero uno on the checklist how weird weird is that? There's like one organization that's really, like really well recognized for having a large number of child molesters. Imagine it, like literally imagine if that was like the welder's union.

I was trying to run it through my head. Like if they fired them instead of move them, they'd just like to have, maybe there would just be no priests anymore after so long. No, there's a lot of priests that have never done anything like that. There's a lot of priests that really believe what they're saying. And maybe they're not, they're not very sexual and they don't care about,

that's a weird thing too, is that they make them sell of it. But there's a lot of priests that also just rubbed it on the outside. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what I mean? No! I don't know what you mean, you son of a bitch. They're like, oh no, we did some bad shit. We didn't do that.

We weren't the worst. Right, I get it. They wrestle. They're wrestling with kids. Boy Scouts. None of it's good. You know, it's like, you can't tell people they can't express themselves sexually. You just can't.

Because if you tell people they have to be celibate, but you don't do anything about their hormonal drive, they're going to get confused. They're going to be literally crazed by this need to be touched. It's part of what humans are. And we're just so ashamed of it. It's so weird. We need to be touched.

We need to be touched physically, like friends and hugs and stuff like that. And we need sex. It's, like, nice for people. It feels good. And when you tell people they can't have that, you can't have the one for sure, then they spend a whole – they don't spend much time with the other. Like, if you can't fuck, you don't spend a whole lot of time hugging. It's not like, I know we can't fuck.

Can we just spoon? Like, priests aren't spooning chicks, right? They're not allowed to have sex, they're not allowed to spoon. There's nothing going on, right? So you have all these needs that your body has, because we're engineered to reproduce. We're engineered. It used to be hard to survive. We're soft, we're gooey, we figured out tools, but everything can eat us.

So it was always run, hide, get in the cave, start the fire, stab it when it comes in. There was always that. We just forgot. How old were you when you learned that tortilla chips were just a tortilla cut in fourths? And you used to be like, why are tortilla chips bad for you? And then you realize, holy shit, I just ate 42 tortillas.

I'll tell you why. january 25th 2021 that's when i figured that out really today day old yeah today i didn't know i did i found that out recently as an adult that's kind of weird i just found out i just found out right now i never thought of it twice i don't eat that shit right i don't eat tortillas that's a lot of tortillas, though. No, I want, like, soft tortillas. I'm not stupid. God. What? I want soft tortillas.

I don't want tortilla chips. Yeah. Unless I'm having salsa. I'm not interested in that in my soup. That just hurts the top of your mouth. Soft tortilla chips are just damp. If you have tortilla soup, right, it just scrapes your mouth. I'm confused.

Tortilla soup is nonsense. I love tortilla soup. It's nonsense. It's a nonsense food. Dude, you haven't had it right. Have you been to Hilton? Okay, what about menudo? Have you had real menudo?

That's like a sign. Are you real? Have you actually had real Mexican food? Have you had menudo on a Sunday? No. I feel like I have. I bet you're both lying. I said no.

Yeah. You're lying too. You have? I dated a Mexican girl. I did all that shit for years. Dude, there was a place in Boulder, Colorado where you get menudo. It was amazing. It was so good.

It's like tripe and liver. I don't even know what the ingredients are. And beans. You know what I'm talking about? I remember you talking about this. It's this crazy soup that some Mexican joints will serve, and they don't always have it. Do you remember that place that was near us in Woodland Hills? Do you remember that?

It was in Woodland Hills. Where was that place, that Mexican joint? Remember it was down, down like it's either down canoga was it down canoga no i know what it's down desoto yeah the other one okay we won't say too late too late they're gonna get swamped it was so good del taco i know well it won't be open right now but it was so good it was so good it was so but it was so small. But you didn't want to ruin it because you would go there. No one could speak English. You had to say the thing on the wall,

point to them, and you give them the money. They barely spoke English. And their food was so legit. What's it named? Shut your mouth, communist. No, they need the shout out right now. They're probably hurting.

They're open. They're not open right now. Wow. I don't think any restaurants are open. They didn't have an outside. Takeout? They're probably doing takeout. Absolutely. I don't think any restaurants are open. They didn't have an outside. Takeout? They're probably doing takeout. Absolutely.

It's called the Big Burrito. I said it. Big Burrito. All right. There you go. It's good. I don't want to ruin it. I don't want a bunch of people like me showing up.

You probably just saved their life. Dude, but you would go there, and they would have these Spanish soap operas. Because we would say, oh, this guy's got a patch on his eye. He's been playing the same character for 33 years. That's ridiculous. And the Spanish would be like, hold my beer. Yes. Let me show you.

Hold my cerveza. Let me show you some of the most ridiculous plots in the history of soap operas right and even the game shows the game shows were all voluptuous women in red dresses like dancing in the background and doing things hey and they would sparkles would go off and they had ridiculous game shows ridiculous soap operas, super entertaining stuff. You weren't ever an actor in a soap opera once? Nope. You sure? I missed that. You probably forgot. I missed it. Might have forgotten. I don't think I did, though. No, I missed it all. I missed all possibilities

of being a soap opera actor. Damn. I would have done it. My friends did it. My friend, Rassan, he's Renato Larranja. It's like a character he plays. He's a Brazilian jujitsu, crazy black belt character that's just trying to fuck everybody.

It's a really funny character. Oh yeah. I've been friends with Renato forever. There's a video, a video that we like, an improvised video that people still to this day think is real of henato confronting me after training uh and talking to me about james brown who's right because he's arguing about weed yeah he's talking about weed right he wanted to argue this is like i have a wallet chain so it's like five years ago you guys go on and on son of a bitch oh it's really long but he just it was like five years ago. That was so long ago. You guys go on and on about it. Son of a bitch. Oh, it's really long.

But he just, it was like this ongoing comedy routine that we did. I was just trying to get dressed, and I'd pretend that I'm just trying to go. Smoking heifer? Smoking heifer? That's a smoking heifer. Is that like weed? That's like weed. I'm putting, see what I'm doing? No, this is tea tree oil.

I'm putting tea tree oil on all my scratches. Get that fungus out of there. Well, when you do jiu-jitsu, you get a lot of nail scratches. So I was putting tea tree oil on my nails. People accidentally scratch you with their nails when they're trying to get out of chokes and stuff. Especially if you have someone's back, they grab your ankles and your heels. It happens all the time. I just use it on my balls, man.

A lot of fun It's good. It's good. It's tingly. It's smooth Feels good. It feels like you're alive What's going on with my balls as long as you don't get in your eyes? Yeah You know But uh, what was my point that he was on a soap opera? Yes, he's beyond soap opera I think he was on uh soap opera yes he used to be on soap opera i think he was on days of our lives oh my god really you got a gig like that that's one thing though if you were in hollywood

and you got that gig man you would work for a long ass time and they do yeah how long did luke and laura stay on the air uh still there i thought what i thought general hospital i thought that closed hold on no i think general hospital closed a couple years ago, if I remember correctly. No, I was just looking at it. Or it was the other one. Wait a minute. Luke and Laura are still real? I was just looking.

I mean, I might have jumped when I just said they're still there, but I was looking at it. It said 2015 something was still going on. Yeah, 2015. What about 2018? 2021, bro. About 2019. Early 2019. What about 2018? 2021, bro. About 2019. Early 2019.

What about that? What about 2016? Anything? Anything? That was a weird moment, though, wasn't it? Where that soap opera became national media. What happened? What is that?

Can you see who it is? No. Tim Dillon. Oh, don't answer it. He wants to talk about that lady he made fun of in his video. My God, get the David Hasselhoff statue. I'll buy it from you. What was I just saying to you?

Distracted. This has been a disaster of a podcast. It's so much fun. So much fun. Definitely. It's almost five o'clock, believe it or not. Shit, I got to get the fuck home and grab some shit and go back. That's what I'm saying, dog.

That's what I'm saying. We'll get you a ride. You're not driving. Cool. I'm going to bring a helicopter for you. Actually, I got my driver short rounds here.

Short round? Yeah. You call her Dr. Jones, you know. Is that the person in Indiana Jones? Yeah. I have my girlfriend

dressed up like... His name is Short Round? Yeah. I have my girlfriend dressed up. His name was Short Round? Yeah. I have my girlfriend dressed up like Short Round all the time. It's awesome. That's what that's from. Such a good fetish. It is so awesome. I'm like, feels like we're stepping on fortune cookies.

Those are fortune cookies. It's awesome. So tell everybody what is going on at Anton's and how often it's going on oh yeah anton's going to start up a second week of february we've already been doing it once a week but every thursday we have a secret show which is great for comics that are in town that want to like try out some material off the lineup you know like hey you know i want to do a quick 10 quick 15. uh it's great that we have a lot of local comics and everybody and then Kill Tony every Monday at Anton's

I'm sorry I was talking about secret shows yeah Vulcan so Vulcan and Anton's Anton's on Monday for Kill Tony and Vulcan Thursdays in February Thursdays in February and Vulcan was the first place I went on stage after a long time

it was like July until Tony did a show at Vulcan. It's a good spot. It's a nice little spot, man. It's a good spot. It's fun. There's a lot of comedy going on there too, right? There's a lot of comedy in Austin, which is like every night out here,

which is great that you feel like comedy is still alive out here. And that's what's amazing about the city is that for comedians, it really is like, hey, you get to feel that you know stage time which is i think a lot of us are like going crazy about there's a thing about austin too and this is what i think is going to be really good for us like legitimately not just because i'm not saying this just because i'm here but i've always thought this about austin austin has this artistic integrity to

it there's a lot of music that's created here in Austin. I mean, it's the place where Stevie Ray Vaughan became huge. Stevie Ray Vaughan actually used to play at Stubbs for food. The place where Chappelle and I have been doing shows. Stevie Ray Vaughan used to play there for food. Yeah, there's pictures

of these cool motherfuckers on the wall back there. Is he like, I want my taco! Laughter Yeah. Probably he like, I want my taco. Yeah. Probably exactly like that. They would pay him with food. I mean, that was like, you know, that was the folklore.

I don't even really know if it's true, but it's a great story that early in his career they paid him with food. But it's just, this place is filled with like small bars and small restaurants and, you know, places like Anton's where you can see, like, real music. You know, you can see people just doing their art form. And, yeah, some people get famous out of here. There's definitely people that get famous out of here. But that's not entirely the point.

Like, there's a culture of art here. Whether it's with actual painting and drawing or whether it's with music or food, this is a cool place. It's good for us because I think there was something that was going on in L.A. that was not necessarily the – it wasn't terrible because it made people money, but it wasn't the best for the actual art form of standup. And that was being connected to Hollywood money because two things happen. One, you want to work, right? And so you sort of start like bending your ideals to like what people like, how they react to what they react to positively.

your ideals to like what people like how they react to what they react to positively and then you don't take as many chances because you're really worried about not being able to get a role on a television show or in a movie or you worry about saying something crazy like that bit's funny but i can't do it i can't do it i can't do it like that kind of stuff fucks us like and guys do that and they sort of become some different thing and then they get famous and then they're stuck in this like different thing category and then they maybe get a divorce and they're a little bit better but they have to hide it you know they like that like they want to come out but this is this spot this is spot this is spot that keeps generating income and it's a weird thing that happens when you're connected to Hollywood but if you're in a place

where comedy is just comedy like like we all agree, you say something ridiculous. I know it's not true. It's fucking, it's just, is it funny or is it not? Right. There's little moments that you can grasp. There's little RPMs that you can tap into. There's little things you can say that make everybody feel better. How do you get to those? How do you get to those? You don't get to those worrying about whether or not NBC is going to hire you. You get to those in a community where there's nobody but comedy. There's nobody but us. We've never had that before.

That's what we can have here. That's what we can have here. We can have this here. We don't need all the executive type characters and all these interferons. No, no, no. We need podcasts and shows that's it we're good just as long as you only have podcasts and shows then everybody knows what's up everybody knows what they're going to go see everybody knows what they're doing everybody

knows you say something ridiculous you don't mean it it's just you're trying to hit that spot trying to get say that thing where people go it's a ridiculous shit like we do on podcasts we've never had that before we've always been connected at the tit we've been brainwashed it's part of that some comics i i got in a deep philosophical discussion of stand-up very early on when i was unqualified and I didn't really have the right fucking ways of describing the way I felt about things but they were talking about being clean you know like if you when in the 80s especially like you would have to be you have to do clean comedy and if you weren't doing clean comedy people would say hey you know you're fucking you're ruining your career with

these dirty jokes you got to do clean comedy like i'll never forget that and i remember thinking like why is it so good to only say the things that you know that can be on censored television well only because that's where the money is it's clear like we all agree there were certain people even in the early early days of stand-up when nobody knew there was there was like there was a lot of like these like legendary dirty comics that would be in these places and we would all go to see them there was so there was a bunch of them there's a bunch of these guys that were like they were they were like local legends you know there were there were there were people that you would you

would hear about and people would go to go see them. They've always been the case. But they couldn't get on television because television was selling ads. That's it. But the comics would always go see them. Like if you knew good comedy or you loved comedy, you would go, okay, okay, okay. Who's pushing it the hardest? Who's going the furthest?

If you're a real comic, you're like, I'm going to go see that guy see that guy he's at this place i'm gonna go see her she's over here you would go see someone who's like really fucking going for it really going for it but we were all in a way we were all like weighted down by hollywood we don't need to be it's's not necessary. And that's one of the reasons why I wanted to move here. 100%. It's getting more obvious, too, by the week. Yeah. It's not even their fault, man. That's what they do.

Whether they're Comedy Central or any place, it's not their fault. It's what they do. They're trying to make money. They're trying to sell ads. They've got to calm everybody down. Like, hey, you can't say that word. It's what they do. They're trying to make money. They're trying to sell ads. They've got to calm everybody down. Like, hey, you can't say that word. You can't do this.

That sketch is too offensive. We can't get an ad. I get it. I get what they're trying to do. People are like, well, if you're funny, you can be funny clean too. Sure you can. But what's the point? What is the point?

Why are we removing subjects? If you really want to know what people think, why are we adhering to any form of censorship in terms of saying the word fuck or saying the word, whatever word you want to say. What are we doing with words? Aren't we supposed to be conveying intent? Shouldn't we have the richest arsenal to draw from?

Shouldn't we have all the fun words and just know how to use them correctly and how to recognize that someone's using them incorrectly? Wouldn't it be better for everybody if we just accept all the words? How come you can accept it when you're a 35-year-old at a party with your friends, you know, and you can't accept it if you're watching NBC? What is that? That's ridiculous right jimmy do you agree with what i'm saying yes so why is it still going on tell me you're a logical person it's not for popularity i mean it's not for the old regime.

Why is it still going on in media? Why are there still rules in NBC, ABC, CBS? I feel like that's different, though. There's tiers of media. There's different blocks. If you want to be in that block, you've got to play by their rules. But that block doesn't mean as much as it used to. But how weird is it that that block is still there?

You have to start back at the show. That girl that you're bringing up your daughter watches 25 million viewers you have 5 million instagram followers i've never heard of her before today you need to watch it i'm just saying but like she's out there killing no one's stopping her from being doing anything oh no listen no no that's not what i'm saying at all no i don't think that i'm just thinking it's fascinating no that's not what i'm saying okay all. What I'm saying is it's just fascinating that these CBS, NBC, ABC shows still have this FCC guidelines thing. Oh, true. That's what I'm saying. I think it's on the way.

Not that. I got you. But it's just bizarre. It's because we all talk a certain way. I mean, occasionally you swear. You shouldn't do it all the time. But if you're doing something that's supposed to be entertaining, when are you allowed to swear around your kids? When is it okay?

When they're 30? When do you say, what's wrong with the gardener? He's a fucking asshole. That guy, he always keeps the water on. He fucking runs over the grass. He's always drunk. He's an asshole.

They're still using really old technology, though, but that's still, it's more broadly accessible. Regulated. But it's more broadly uh regulated but it's more accessible too that's probably that's part of the reason why yeah but come on man everybody has a smartphone now kids are like fucking 12 years old they got iphones they have the whole world at their hands this idea that somehow or another we need to protect people by censoring abc nbc and cbs if i was those people i'd be pissed because i'd be like hey you need to let this go we're trying to compete with youtube you fucks are you trying to like end tv

forever because they're gonna put tv view it that way because they still pay for you like the last couple years they've paid or allowed youtube to advertise on their biggest broadcast of the year like with the sporting events that are being watched by everyone oh well i get that so they have an advantage with that currently like they have contracts with live sporting events that's kind of like the only reason why television really makes sense because if you really wanted me to wait till thursday it's a thursday 9 p.m that's when the show's on why am i doing that when i can just go to netflix and i can see the whole season am i a baby i can't decide i want to just stay up all night and binge watch it i want to binge watch it and i think most sports are on the way out anyway that show wandavision is doing the opposite of that right now i don't know what that show is it's uh it's i've seen i've seen

like a black and white photograph the people who make their control the marvel cinematic universe have made a tv show and it is in that world so if you really care and spend all that time watching all those movies and like loved the end of the avengers and like now this is the continuation two of those characters are now living their lives in this world and like once a week you're going to now be led along the path of that whoa so like if you want to jump back in and see where they're going, like back in the days of Lost, talk about it with your friends for a week,

get in the chat board, see what's this mean? What is that little thing in the corner of that? Why are they playing that music? Does it mean anything to the future? And like some people really like to get lost in that. Some people don't give a shit. I honestly enjoyed the first Wonder Woman movie You did? I did

I turned that shit off The first one? The first one? It felt like a tampon commercial I had to turn it off I don't mind a tampon commercial Wait were you with your family watching it? No

Alright Yes I get it now But meanwhile Here's my thing, though. There's been some good Batmans, right? There's been a bunch of good DC comic books. But why is there overwhelmingly more interest in Marvel comics than DC?

What is that? Better characters, better... But DC has Superman. That really only happened when Jon Favreau made Iron Man, and then that shit took off. That was when the Marvel Cinematic Universe took off. Was that the first one that was before Spider-Man? That was a different movie.

It was almost R-rated. What about when Eric Bana was the Hulk? What year was that? Wasn't that before that? They were still making movies, but they were just a different style. You know, like, there was all those... was uh the fantastic four movie got made like four times did you see the documentary about japanese spider-man no i did not i highly recommend it

netflix i think it's uh it's about japanese spider-man it's very interesting love to see that but before we get to that what so how many like there's way more Marvel comics that have been successful. They have X-Men. So there's a whole mutants. It's a whole different genre of... It is interesting that both groups will remake a show like that. Remake a movie. Like how many Batmans?

Infinity. So many. So many, right? From Michael Keaton on and before the TV guy. Yeah, there's like four in production now with three different Batmans. So many. So many, right? From Michael Keaton on and before the TV guy. Yeah, there's like four in production now with three different Batmans. So many Batmans, right? You got two Batmans simultaneously. You got Twilight guy

and you got... Keaton's gonna be one and Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Michael Keaton's gonna be one too? In the Flash movie or something. I don't know. Rumors. TMZ, Jamie. I mean, anybody can be one now right with it almost got announced after we talked about on the podcast like Tony brought it up and the next day they announced Michael Keaton's Tony Hinchcliffe keeps saying he wants to be the Joker I'm like dude hold

out for Batman with CGI you could be Batman anybody could be Batman now Michael Keaton they're bringing him back as Batman. The first transgender Batman. Did you see that one Batman or Michael Keaton movie rather where it was a couple years back. It was about actors. There was a movie

that was really critically acclaimed. Yeah. What was that? Birdman. Birdman. He was a superhero in that. I did not like that movie.

Yes. I did, man. Did you? Yeah. You know why I liked it? Because not that it was like, there's a thing about movies. We get like really used to those set up, you know, conflict, resolution, ending. Yay.

We get used to that pattern and it feels good when it ends like that. Yeah, fucking King Kong did kick Godzilla's ass. But every now and then a movie comes along like No Country for Old Men when it ends like that. Yeah, fucking King Kong did kick Godzilla's ass. But every now and then a movie comes along like No Country for Old Men, where it ends, and you're like, what? And it ends, and you're like, I deserve this. I deserve this. I was waiting for some, I saw an amazing movie,

and I was waiting for some cookie-cutter ending. I saw a movie like that recently, where you're watching, and you're like, okay, I think I've seen a movie like this before. Now where are we going? Because you don't know where it's going. It's called Promising Young Woman. I heard about that.

I heard it's really good. Pretty good. It's a promising movie. Dude, I tried to watch Tenet. I was a little too sleepy. I fucked up. Be wide awake. Yeah, I need to be on adderall to watch tenant

it seems like i need a notebook oh there was so much going on it was wild it's a wild ass movie all bullshit aside i did enjoy it though it was the crazy thing about it was like how original it was it was one of those movies you're like jesus christ like some movies they have like a certain plot and you think you got got it. I see what's going on. With that movie, you're like, what the fuck is going on? What is happening here? He's going back. What's happening with time? He's fighting himself? What?

Spoiler alert. Powerful Denzel's son. Is that Denzel's son? Wow. You're going to hear my Danny Glover impersonation. It's a good movie. Did you enjoy it? yeah yeah i've seen it twice already like have you really i saw that i went that's the movie i saw in the theater all year oh that's right went to go see it that's right dude it was weird it was like it was one

of those movies like i gotta i gotta watch this again when i'm like less tired i fucked up i tried to watch it at like 7 p.m and i got that old man sleepy eye thing going on yeah that's everyday for me hey do a Danny Glover impersonation I want to hear it I don't have a Danny Glover impersonation alright you want to hear mine okay we'll end it on this I'm getting too old for this shit

yes thank you Brian Redband ladies and gentlemen that's perfect goodbye and good news. See ya. Powerful.