The Joe Rogan Experience - #1606 - Ali Siddiq

Episode Date: February 4, 2021

Ali Siddiq is a stand-up comic and writer who initially developed his comedic talents during a six-year stint behind bars. Now a successful headliner, Siddiq spends his time offstage volunteering to meet the needs of his Houston, Texas community. His most recent special is "It's Bigger Than These Bars", filmed live at Bell County Jail in Texas.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day all right let's move on let's brother how are you i'm good man pleasure to get you in here man thanks for having me my pleasure um you live in houston yes i do which has got a gigantic rich history of stand-up comedy yes um well we go back to the evil dial sam kinnison yeah did you ever do the laugh stop did you do that place i did the laugh stop did you do the old one in river oaks or the upstairs one the old one in river oh yeah that was the right that was the i i always remember that place because that was the only time i've ever in life and i'm ashamed of this i i wanted a comic to do bad and that was the only time i've ever wanted

a comic to do bad because i just thought i just started i maybe maybe four months in and the guy so you had to go in you had to sign this open mic list and it's like 30 people on the list and I'm like number 27 and he's 26 and he was he's talking to me he's like yeah man I've been doing stand-up for 25 years man it's crazy you know and I was like wow 25 years and I'm like I hope he's not good because if he's good and he's 26 on this list and I just started and he's been doing it 25 years like no it's going to be a long road for me I was like no and he wasn't I was like so relieved I was like oh goodness gracious thank you that's a funny way of looking. There's a lot of layers, right, to why someone succeeds or doesn't succeed in stand-up.

And if you're 25 years in and you're not doing well, like something, you've taken a turn the wrong way somewhere. At four months, you don't know that. Right. I'm literally, yeah, so I'm five months out of prison at this point. So this is four months of me doing stand-up. And I'm really like, man, I hope that this guy is not good. Because he doesn't look like he's on drugs. He doesn't look like he just went down some drug bench. I'm like, he's pretty clean cut.

And I'm like he please be terrible please terrible like i've seen other people that was terrible that night that was up earlier than him but i was like i just wanted him to be bad to be going right in front of me so i was like oh no i'm in a different ball game if that's the only time you've ever wanted someone to do bad then you're psychologically well off yeah that, that's the only time. As a comment. As a comment. I've wanted my son to run into the table.

If that counts as... Just to teach him a lesson? Yeah, yeah. Like, I told him to stop running. I was like, yo, man, stop running through here. Stop running through here. Like, yo, eventually he gonna hit this table. So, I booby-trapped it a little bit what did you do i put my

house shoes like right in the way and he didn't see him in the bone right how old is he he's 10 now oh how old was he then seven oh seven's a good age to run into a table yeah like you're not so big that you're gonna hurt yourself you're really just gonna get hurt a little yeah and like ow but it's not gonna be like a injury he fell apart like when he hit the table it's like you ever hit your baby toe yes it doesn't matter this is the only this is the only piece of your body that it does not matter literally how big you are and how much you work out it doesn't matter i've seen giant my cousin's a huge dude i've seen him fold up in the in infant position from hitting his, barely scraped his baby toe on the edge of the table, and he's folded up. I'm like, yeah, all them muscles didn't help at all.

Well, it's a bitch-ass limb. It has no power. But it can put you down. It literally can put you down. It's too painful for such a weak thing. It should be a thing. There's certain parts of your body that don't hurt if you hurt if you run them into things you know like what part is that knees you can hit you can hit things pretty fucking hard with your knee elbow yeah elbows yeah unless

you chip that little piece but yeah yeah well you know forehead yeah yeah that's why head butts work right but little bitch ass toes they just have no power like you can't curl anything with your toe and then your pinky is definitely needed I didn't think like people say this all the time like I don't need all of my fingers y'all you actually do

Jamie was saying that if you lose your pinky you lose 50% of your strength in your hand I was trying to figure out the pinky toe thing because i was like maybe the pinky toe is a little bullshit but uh there's a doctor that explains it would be almost impossible to run walk or skip without your pinky toe what impossible you could get you could get something in a shoe to like replace what it would be but like it's needed for balance like impossible to skip i thought i was like i've skipped before you can figure it out but that's what that'd be maybe this doctor people say i don't know a lot of doctors are fucking weak i bet you could be fine without your pinky toes i mean you wouldn't be optimal you know if you wanted to play soccer

or something we required a lot of like shifts and right, you'd probably be fucked. I don't know. Skipping? Okay, I'm on the fence with this skipping. I don't even think I've used my pinky toe to skip. I haven't skipped in so long. I have daughters. I never skipped.

I have daughters. I do, too, but I don't skip with them. I do a lot of other things. Skipping has been mandatory in our house for a long time. I've broken toes before. It's weird. You can tape them to the toe next to it. It takes a lot of the weight off of it.

But I don't know about pinky toes. I know that pinky finger. I don't know if you can actually hold a gun after that. I don't even think you can pull a trigger. If you lose that finger. Maybe actually. You can hold a gun after that. I don't even think you could pull a trigger. If you lose that finger. Maybe actually, I mean. You could hold a gun with that. It's tough.

No. It's tough. No. That last, depending on your bottom stock, it's tough. Well, it would be easy to drink tea. Chew-hew. Pinkies up. It's hard to hold a cup without your thumb.

Without your thumb, yeah. Well. I think I misunderstood what it said, actually. You can a cup without your thumb. Without your thumb, yeah. Well. I think I misunderstood what it said, actually. You can hold it without your thumb. It's just the right handle. What? It's not the toe. It's the metatarsal.

So, like, the thing it's connected to. Oh. The next bone. The bone. The next bone. Well, that makes sense. It's like the running board. If that wasn't there, you'd be fucked.

That makes sense. Yeah, because I feel like the other four toes would compensate for the pinky toe what a stupid fucking conversation we have here so the pinky toe is the running board of the foot yeah exactly it's like sort of that thing that just hangs out there but it just has no strength like if you you try to wrestle your pinky toe i'll try to figure out because mine's curled under almost because of the shoes i wear it just like my toes are all fucked up you know like i'm up. I'm not even really using it. How can it be that important? You get some of them toe shoes.

I've done that. I'm working on it. Do you ever use those? I have the yoga toes thing. Those I do have. I wore them once. Do your pinky toe curl under in the toe shoes? Shove them in there.

It just be awkward? yeah all right i just want to know like having a glove with a bent finger i know a dude who wears those toe shoes everywhere he wears them everywhere i was at a party with him the other day he put toe shoes on vibram toe shoes yeah it's like letting people know i I'm into optimizing. I'm into optimizing my health and fitness. Look at me in my toe shoes. I used to run in them. You used to run in the toe shoes? Yeah, I used to run in Vibram trail shoes.

But I kept fucking up my toes. I fucked up my toes a couple of times. I fucked them up a couple. Because I was running on very rocky terrain. And occasionally I would jam my toe. And it was fucked. Because it's like, they it it's like not smart yeah the toe shoe thing i've always i didn't like them it's like mittens for your feet i never liked them i like them because they're goofy and people made fun of them and then also the idea is if you can get your feet to you to

like each toe to move individually, it actually strengthens your feet and it can increase athletic performance. Allegedly. That's the thing. I'm not athletic anymore. Nature has decreased my athletic performance. I used to actually get touched the rim. I almost dunked.

But my knees was like, yo, I don't care what you put on them, fam. We ain it did you see the Tom Segura dunk no you didn't see what happened no oh I gotta show you something Tom Segura went to dump dunk and as he's running towards the net he blows out his patella tendon as he's leaping up in the air his knee blows out and then he falls and lands on his arm, snaps his arm in half. So he blew out his knee and his arm all in one terrible maneuver, and they did it all on video. Him and Burt were having a dunk competition, and now Tom has got this thing on his hand because his nerves got damaged. Watch this. Are you okay? No. No no he's not okay watch this boom look at the arm breaks yeah

he's armed he's armed His arm. His arm. Can you call 911? Call 911. I've never seen anyone go for it. Not good. That's why it's good to be a little athletic. Because occasionally you and your stupid friends want to have a ridiculous competition for a video. That's the reason why wives yell at husbands, no, don't go. Are you going to play basketball again?

But that's not even regular basketball. They were just dunking over and over and over again. So I'm quite sure you know Bill Bellamy. Sure. and over and over again. So, I'm quite sure you know Bill Bellamy. Sure.

So, Bill Bellamy's road manager, Terrence, they're shooting, just shooting around in the gym. Just shooting.

Regular shooting. And it's always this. Man, you need, man, pull up on your toes. Lift up on your toes and shoot that ball.

So, he lifts up on his toes and blows out whatever's back there. It's gone. Is it Achilles? Yeah, it's Achilles. Oh, no, that's a bad one.

Like, yo, I'm like, see? I'm like, don't listen to people. When you're just shooting around, just listen to yourself. Just, I'm just going to do this. I'm just going to lay the ball up. It's something like, ah. That's why when I go to the gym,

I intentionally put on cowboy boots intentionally i'm like cowboy boots and shorts for me man i'm not i don't want nobody trying to convince me to do anything i'm like no i'm not doing it yeah i remember the last time i was convinced i'm not doing it what was what convinced you last time oh hey man first it always start with you played football didn't you like that i think it's been more injuries started with that right there so you play football so i'm like yeah we you know we all play football so me my friends we out there in dress shoes, mind you. Oh, no.

In dress shoes. We supposed to be running one little quick little route this way? Nope. Nope. We outside the gym because that's the only place where it's called. Like, it's no cars. Like, yo, we go right here to L.A. Fitness. Like, but why?

Like, why do you know where L.A. Fitness is right now? Like, why do you even know? First of all, how does it even start? It's like, yo, you're going to L.A. Fitness. Now we out there just throwing the ball. Nerf ball. Not even a real football. Nerf.

You know, that's what he had in his car. A little Nerf with a little, I think they got some new ones where they twist or something. Because my Nerf balls were smooth. This one has little waves in it. And I cut forgetting that I have on dress shoes because now you're getting competitive. One person catch the ball. That's touchdown. First of all, you're nowhere close to.

First of all, there's. Okay, if that's the pole down there, you're nowhere close to it, sir. So now it's competitive down now I'm up on the line you know now you really being what you saw on TV now you being a safety and I cut I cut that dress shoot and he'll call a little gravel and it's hard to explain the side of your face being scratched up like because the gravel scratch it's like when like fall off a motorcycle and you get the cement rash yeah so i'm just like the side of my face is scratched up my hand is scratched up and i'm like huh okay now i gotta go home and explain why my face is bleeding you're supposed to be at the club sir how did how did you go from the club

to this okay let me tell you what happened okay we were drinking and someone said you played football didn't you and then i would say you in the la fitness you know gym parking lot throwing a nerve ball with dress shoes on the dress shoes on dress shoes are useless they look good but if you ever get in a situation with those shiny bottoms, those slippery leather bottoms, those things are useless. So you see the guy who with me now, Andre Johnson. Sneakers, looks ready, all the licenses that he needs to have, everything on him. I had another security person. His name was Dre as well, but he wore suits everywhere. And I

told Dre, I said, hey, man, one of these days, something's gonna probably happen, and you have on a suit and dress shoes, and you're probably not gonna be able to get to me. We're at this club in Houston. Melee fight breaks out. I'm

on stage. I'm trying to figure out which way to go. My security is on the ground because he's trying to run to me and slipped. And it's like, I'm wondering why all these other people following because he's the one knocking him down because he was big.

He was like 300. So he's just on the ground. And I'm just standing on the stage like this, like just waiting. And the sheriff that was working there came and got me and took me out the back. And I'm like, yo, Dre, the guy with the rubber-based shoes, he saved me. What are you doing with the slippery bottoms, sir?

You can get some dress shoes that have bottoms that are rubber. I have those. I don't have any shoes that have that flat, leather, shiny bottom. Even if I dress up, i'm wearing rubber shoes wearing rubber shoes yeah when shit goes down you you you have to be able to move that's why i'm with flip-flops yeah i don't wear flip-flops i would i would i'd rather be barefoot than flip-flops you would never see me in a pair of flip-flops unless i'm at the beach that's i'm letting everybody know i'm not here to do shit i'm just relaxing hey yo you can steal my kids while I'm on the beach Look I'm off duty

This is vacation I'm off duty on everything I remember being in Miami And my daughter it was a storm coming And my daughter My daughter Jayden she had to be maybe I'm going to say 8 And I'm pushing it

I don't think she was 8 So these waves are huge. And they literally are like bringing her in and then they sucking her out. And I'm like, oh, that's pretty cool. And her mom's like, no, she's going out too far. I'm like, but she can swim. She's on a swim team. She's like, why are we concerned she's on a swim team?

She's like, this is the ocean. I'm like, she's on the swim team she's like why are we concerned she's on the swim team she's like this is the ocean i'm like she's a swimmer and she's like no so i look and my daughter's like way further than she was i'm like so i'm like okay i'm gonna wait because i see this one big wave and the wave literally brings my daughter in and throws my daughter in the middle almost damn into the hotel like i'm like that was like, that was a pretty big wave. Just tossed her. I'm like, yo, we should go to the pool. I have one daughter that's a daredevil, and she likes to go a little bit too far out.

And I was letting her know, like, you got to understand tides. Like, I know you can swim, but tides are no joke. Like, tides suck out people that can swim, and you try to fight against those tides, you can't do shit. And she's a little skeptical because she't do shit and she's and she's a little skeptical because she's athletic and she's very pig-headed like her father but then i showed her there was a dude who was a wwe guy some jacked wrestler who drowned off of was it venice was he like near venice beach which you, the tide there is not even that bad.

But occasionally, it just sucks everything out. And then you're fighting against it, trying to get in, and it just sucks you out further. And then you realize, like, oh, my God, I'm out of air. Like, I can't fucking breathe. And I'm fighting against this, and I'm not gaining any ground, and I'm exhausted, and I want to take a break. Not good. You should go to the side. side yeah that's what you're supposed to do go to the social go sideways yeah but nobody taught this dude that I guess or he couldn't mean big fucking dudes that's the problem big fucking dudes they don't have a lot of gas in that tank you know when you're a giant WWE

dude like how big was that guy he was huge right you know you can I just figured out or found out that you can drown you don't even have to be in water you can drink too much water and drown yeah you drink too much water it's not really drowning your your body it's an electric look the size that motherfucker and that dude drowned you know something I was hoping and I'm not even i'm i don't even go here i was really hoping that he was not black because he's like i was i'm like i'm literally sitting here it was one of the things like okay all right please let him pull up and he's not a black dude

that can't swim that probably drowned a damn teaspoon of water like i was sitting there like yo i'm like ah and then i looked i'm like that's a terrible stereotype that turns out to be accurate too often like black dudes that can skate real good like black dudes that play hockey how many of them there might be like 20 20 on earth five how many black dudes are in the nhl how many i knew one they played for the Oilers, I think it was. I used to watch him. I think it was the Oilers. Somebody had a joke about that, that it's just because it's frozen water.

It's a weird thing. That's the problem. I used to hate that stereotype that black people can't swim. But 75% of all drowners in the United States are Hispanic and African American. Is that true? Yeah. 75%?

Yeah, of drowners in the United States. What the weird thing is, 55% of all pool parties are thrown by black people. I'm so confused. We throw pool parties. Like, ah, don't get in that pool. But are they drowning in pools or are they drowning in the ocean? Mostly pools.

Really? I don't think we'd be at the ocean like that. I've seen us there. I feel like I could teach someone how to not drown in a pool in about five minutes. You know what I'm saying? Probably because you can swim, correct? Yeah. And so this is the thing.

This is the thing. And me and you probably are liking this. I'm very irritated with people who can't swim because I got pushed in the pool at five. And about time my mother got into the gate, I was already out of the pool. I'm like, how do you drown in the pool? Why are you around the pool and don't know how to swim? Right. And if you calm down, the worst thing is to try to teach somebody who's not calm,

doesn't have patience how to swim. Look, you can't choke me and think that we both going to survive. So I need you to relax and just, okay, hold on to the wall. Because I have kids, so I've taught children how to swim so i don't know how i can't teach an adult how to swim but it's it's been very frustrating when people get older they stop learning and also they want to be right they want to i know i got it i know what i'm doing they're like they want to be right they don't want you to know something they don't that they don't know there's that's a problem but it's also like people get when they get older they just they shut down they don't they don't know how to learn things just accept that you know how to don't know how to do

something and figure it out and the pool is a weird one because like you can die in there it's not like learning anything else like you could die in there pretty fucking easy especially if there's a deep end yeah you can die in there what is this teaching jesus trejo hey jesus doesn't know how to swim this is like it's like a 12 minute video it's almost kind of frustrating because he's doing exactly like he won't let them just tell him to calm down he's getting like two feet of water you're just like panicking really yeah so man jesus is hilarious i think they were going on like a river and they didn't want him to drown on the river so oh i wouldn't take him on a river if he couldn't fucking swim it's like a two-foot river you know like where you can just stand up

in it but yeah but you get hit in the head and go under you get it under remember when remy warren was telling that story he he saw somebody drown he saw a canoe overturn he was on the side of a river and he saw a fucking dude float down face first and he saw the dude was dead and he saw a canoe overturn he was on the side of a river and he saw a dude float down face first and he saw the dude was dead and he saw a woman just barely keeping her head above water and he had to jump in the water and rescue her no that's dope dude that is dope yeah great fit simmons rescued somebody i rescued a child i rescued a waiter at the what comedy covers that Connecticut no yeah Connecticut how'd you how'd you rescue a child drowning in the water in the pool water parents not paying attention at the pool not paying attention child walk

right into the pool right and I'm and I'm just I'm walking I'm walking by the I'm walking to somebody I'm like oh and I'm just reached down I'm walking to somebody, and I'm like, oh, and I'm just reached down. I'm like, yo, who baby? Yo, did y'all know y'all baby was in the water? And it was like, oh, my God. I'm like, yo, ma'am, your baby just literally walked in the water, not paying attention, just out there drinking, you know, barbecuing. As a parent, it's stunning when you watch some people that just don't even watch their kids just let the kids wander off i'm i think i'm a lot as a as a parent like i'm a lot

i think i'm over protective to the point i don't think you can be really over protective i just especially in like grocery stores and in the parking lot of places yeah like people just back out like i don't let my kids just run loose in the parking lot. I want them right next to me because you can't see them. Yeah. They backing out. But some parents are just very loose. It's amazing how few accidents we really have,

considering how fucking stupid so many people are. It's kind of amazing. There really should be accidents everywhere, all the time. It's amazing. You can go weeks and weeks without seeing an accident. Yeah. Really think about it not my house i mean car accidents you know someone backing up into something oh you oh you just you just got to houston i mean you just got to texas so just wait a minute oh i've seen a couple i've seen a couple here oh just wait i've seen some ridiculous ones yeah but for the

most part most days you drive home, you don't see shit. You see people stay in their lane. They use their blinker. They turn. Most of the time, it's amazing. When you think about the shit decisions so many people make in their lives, so many people are just constantly fucking up with their life, wrecking their life. Yeah.

But they can figure out how to drive. Is it a way not to wreck your life you got to wreck your life a little bit so that you know how to not wreck your life I don't trust anybody who's made no mistakes like if you tell me you've made no mistakes I'm like what no mistakes how have you done that you've never anything up that's like when people say I don't judge people like well how you pick your friends you just randomly i'll take anybody i judge everything i judge myself first judge myself i gotta know who i am to even i gotta know who i am to even decide how how to pick a friend like yeah like who the hell am i right you know i remember when i made um in in this deep like

sometimes people say well the youth can't teach you things most of the things i remember when i made um in in this deep like sometimes people say well the youth can't teach you things most of the things i learned that i kept i learned when i was young i probably just didn't apply it at the time i've learned it i just didn't apply it at the time sometimes you don't apply the right methods but i had a a friend and i i think i was very young and juvenile where I gave people titles that didn't earn those titles. And when you are 13 and you say, hey, this is my best friend. And then they say, no, I'm not. Me and you are not best friends. And you have to get past that little small part of being crushed.

Like, oh, I thought we were. And he's like, no, we haven't gone through anything yet. We friends. But to be best friends, you know, we haven't been tried and tested to see how much, you know, we down with each other. I'm like, well, that pretty much makes sense. I wasn't that advanced at that age yet like damn tried and how old is this kid 13 it's like the nod he's like no i remember i had a argument with this kid when i was 13 it was over nothing it was like a softball argument

we were playing softball and i don't even remember what it was all about but i remember he got like real and i had to piece it together in my head what was wrong here but it was a it was a lesson that i kept for years because he got real shitty with me and he said hey man forget we ever met and he storms off and i was like forget we ever met how am i gonna do that like that doesn't make any sense and that i remember thinking oh this kid has a single mom his mom's kind of fucked up and he's got this weird stepdad situation i mean we talked about a stepdad had big forearms because he scooped ice cream his dad worked at an ice cream place he was talking about his dad's got stepdad got big

forearms he's always scooping ice cream it was i remember thinking i wasn't even mad at the kid i felt bad i felt all right man you know i was like forget we ever met and he stormed off like he's gonna get me and i remember thinking that is so ridiculous like it was one of those moments where someone tries to hurt your feelings and it's so ineffective that you get a little lifeless and you're like wow it's a weird way to try to manipulate me there forget we ever met i'm not definitely not gonna forget we ever met i'm not i'm not gonna forget this because i'm still talking about this all these years later. I'm like, that was so weird.

You think I'm going to forget that you're the guy who told me to forget we ever met? Can't forget you told me to forget you. I remember that fucking dude 40 years later. I'm 53. I was 13. 40 years later, I'm still thinking about that dude like, man. You know, the guy who told me. It's like some weird, like he did what his mom probably did.

It's over. If it gets you ever met me, Charles. And he's like, he can't wait to use it. He's like, I'm going to say that one day to someone. I remember his mom drank a lot of wine. That was the word. You know, his mom likes to drink wine. She's always drinking wine.

His mom was just like a little of a mess. And this poor kid, like that's how he expressed himself. But I remember thinking immediately, like I wasn't angry at him. It was like blank. Like, you know, you could say, you're a fucking loser. I'm like, damn, am I a loser? Like, it would hurt my feelings. Like, shit. but forget we ever met i was like what you poor guy yeah i felt thinking i was i felt bad for the kid yeah because you start thinking hey if you said that to me what

are you gonna say to the pills are definitely mixed if you break up with someone yeah but you just feel like you you know you learn things from like weird little interactions with people when you're a kid and you like feel something weird from it you're like let me figure that out like what what is that why is he doing that why are people saying that you know yeah i learned i learned a pretty good amount of information when i was a kid just didn't apply at all yeah like my my dad i knew my dad wasn't the best of dads i just knew it i'm like no this is not what dad's supposed to do i've never seen this on tv sir you have to see it like leave it to beavers i've never seen this one like i've watched all the

episodes of good times i've never seen james J.J. and Michael to do this one. My mom was a pretty structured mom. I can't really say my mom was a mess, but as a child, you don't really know what's wrong as you get older. You're like, my mom was pretty much crazy.

She's a crazy person. I understood why she was crazy. I's a crazy person. And I understood why she was crazy. Like, I understand things about my mom now because I'm a parent. Like, I never knew why I couldn't wake my mother up. Like, you couldn't run in and out of our house. Like, if you woke

my mother up, it was like, it's hell to pay if you wake up. But now that I think about it, my mom worked two jobs. She went to school. And out of 24 hours, she only had two hours of sleep. Oh, my God. Really? My mom literally would come in the house from being out and go to sleep.

I used to watch this cartoon. And it was a bear. It was a sleeping bear. Quiet! Quiet, I say! I want quiet! I used to think that that bear was crazy and then I saw my mom.

My mom, and he would go to sleep like this. Like, as soon as he closed his eyes, my mom would sleep like this. My mom, as soon as she closed her eyes. Quiet! I'm like, this lady is the bear

off of the cartoons. You cannot, like, you tippy-toeing in the house but then you get older and I literally work seven days a week. Like my life is crazy. So when I fall asleep

anyway, I'm over 40. Right now you work seven days a week? Yeah. What do you do seven days a week? I took on a radio job oh yeah seven days a week yeah monday through friday monday through friday i'm in houston on magic 102 um the urban station is it in the morning it's not it's midday that's the craziest thing because i'm from six to two i mean from from two to six and craziest thing because i'm from six to two i mean from from two to six and then this is the last week i was in jacksonville the comedy zone this is the first weekend that didn't feel like a weekend like i wasn't excited like i've been doing stand-up for 22 years i've always been excited about a weekend that i'm doing but this is the first weekend i'm doing after working at the radio station for the last three weeks.

So it's like the weekend coming. I'm like, oh, some more work? Shit. I was so not. That was the first time in all of comedy I ever felt like I don't want to go. And I was like, okay, I got to snap out of that shit because that's not who I am. And I was like, okay, I got to snap out of that shit because that's not who I am. And I've forgotten. DL has called me twice to make sure that I was going to goddamn work.

He was like, you do know you have to be at work. Oh, shit, I do. Because I'm not accustomed to doing anything in the middle of the daytime. So he has to call you to let you know? He's called me twice in the last three weeks. Just like, you know you have to be somewhere right like damn how far away is the station from your house like 30 minutes that's not too bad but it's it's horrible it's literally horrible so did you did you know what you were getting into or did

you have an idea of what it was going to be and then once you started doing it like oh what have i done i was it's the old what about because it's like if I'm like, okay, I'm on the radio. I'm going to be a midday person out here. I'm going to be able to do stand-up. And then I'm like, oh, shit, this shit is every day. Like, I got to be here. Five days a week. Like, so I can't come in here and like, okay, so don't nobody record these shows.

Like, this is live. Like, yeah, you got to be here every day. And then I got to come up with shit. Like, I don't want to these shows like this is live like yeah you gotta be here every day and then i gotta come up with shit like i don't want to come up with nothing what kind of come up what are you gonna do like i i do what they call the f word of the day and then they do this thing called ask ali and then i do um i make up a story about anything called um you're not gonna believe this so if i you you can bring up something i'm like joe you're not gonna believe this. One time me and Kimbo Slice

got into it at a convenience store. And I just tell this ridiculous story about over some fines, you know. So I was gonna slap Kimbo, but he, you know, he lucky, you know what I'm saying? So I go through a whole story.

So the first one I did was I was the fifth like this lady called and I love the four tops I said see ma'am I understand that you love the four tops but you really would have loved the five tops because I was the fifth top that just kicked me out and she was like what I'm like yeah okay let me tell you what happened so it's so train wars 66 right I get into it with Don Canady. So I just name all these people and they just be like, is this true? First of all, you know I wasn't born in 66.

I wasn't even alive in 66. That's why I just said you're not going to believe this. So you have to do that every day? Every day. Oh no. Every day. And as a comic, I don't do the same set. I don't do the same set every time of course so it's hard for me to do the same thing every day and knowing that i have to do it like if somebody told me you have to do this five minutes of stand-up like out of all the stuff i have we

just want this five minutes and you guys do this every day i would fucking hang myself right isn't that funny like if you had to do it once be like yeah that'd be fun but if you had to do it every day every day how'd you agree to do this pandemic pandemic pressure hey hey comedy clubs are not that many clubs are open. Don't know when you're going to be able to go back. Hey, look, you're not doing any TV. You're sagging after insurance going to run out. He was saying, now, oh shit. I ain't going to have no insurance.

So I need to, what I need to do? So the radio gig came up and I'm like, does it have insurance? And he was like, yes. And I'm like, okay, I'll be there. How long do you think you're going to hang in there for? Oh, man, it's so, I hate to say this, because this is like national world news right now.

This is like breaking news on your show. Yeah, I don't know. It's tough. Do you do a podcast as well? No, I'm getting ready to start one. That's the move. That way you do it when you want to do it. They've been asking me to do it for a while and then when I looked up how long I think this has been my thing I look at other people's podcast night it seems so easy but then you look

at oh since oh nine oh no it's this is a this is a well or machine because I've done I've tried to do it myself and it's not like this it's like me holding my microphone I got a little board I'm just not into it at this point but now yeah but if this was set up for you like this kind of thing

and all you had to do was show up and talk to people we'd walk in and do this like clockwork but that's all doable you could do that that's what doable. You can do that. That's what you want. I'm getting myself together now. Ali, you don't want

a boss. This is the thing. You can't have a boss. I haven't had a job since 1999. You're too funny to have a boss. Funny people can't have bosses. It's like you talking to me and I'm already on the fence of quitting a new job

and you and you as soon as you said it holly you doesn't want to ball i'm like he is he knows me i'm i'm i'm i texted people like look i'm i don't think i'm gonna make it well i know i know that you're a funny comedian if you're a funny stand-up comic, having a boss is kryptonite. It's too hard. They sent out a, okay, I haven't, and I know this is bad. They have a team meeting thing on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. And for the last, I've been hired since the 23rd of November. I didn't go to work until middle of December.

Actually, the end of December, January. So it's been a month, one month. So. About. I haven't made any of the team meeting Zoom calls. Not one of them. What do you think happens on those calls? I would go just to be curious. I have no idea what happens.

I bet that's boring as fuck. I asked the co-host. I asked him. I'm like, so how was the call? It's just no random things. Now, who's the co-host? Funky Larry Jones. Do you know him personally outside

yeah know him very well oh okay well that helps a lot it helps he's been doing radio my whole entire life so 47 years

let's talk to Funky Larry about separating from the mothership yeah let's talk to Funky Larry about two of you guys doing something

on the side because are you allowed to do a podcast while you're doing the radio gig? Yes. Oh, that's good.

That's a good deal. How long are you tied into this contract for? I feel like I'm your agent. Yeah. I feel like I'm a new agent. Ali, how long are you tied into this? I think one solid year. Ooh, one solid year of five days a week.

That's a long time. I think they got me with the flexibility. Oh, you know, we know you do Santa. We know your career. You can just go whenever you want. Does it pay well? Pays okay. I think... I don't like what I'm hearing.

I don't like most of what I'm hearing. This is how people do it. I wouldn't even give a resignation. I would just not show up. I don't think Ali is coming anymore. Don't let them sue you. That's part of the problem with those goddamn pieces of paper that you signed. Contracts are terrible.

They'll sue you. Jamie and I don't even have a contract. If he just stopped showing up, I'd be fucked. We don't have a contract. He just likes working here I think that's the that's the thing but I think but Jamie probably he loves doing this whole thing but if somebody I don't care what job it is if you haven't been working since 1999 and you've been living on I'm I just had I probably just said this prior to getting that job i was like my life

is so wonderful and most of my friends life is the same as mine because we can call each other in like at 10 30 hey yeah hey man let's go have margaritas and everybody and everybody shows up and because we don't have jobs right and another comic another comic, Marcus Wiley, he reminded me. He called me like, hey, we're having margaritas today. I said, what you mean we have margaritas? Oh, no, you can't go. It's Wednesday. You have a job, sir.

I said, what time y'all going? Oh, oh, no. Five. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't try to ask what time we're going. Because remember, I never had a time to go. Whatever time it was was i could show up

like hey have it like they had 3 30. i'm like oh so y'all gonna be doing having margaritas why you know the f word of the day i do it at 3 30. i do it at 3 30. so it's fucking sucks man the one good thing though is if you're forced to work and you're forced to come up with things, I bet you come up with more material this way. Is that happening? Nah. I think that my material comes from me actually talking with my friends and remembering things that has happened to us. I think that's most of my material. has happened to us.

I think that's most of my material. I just got a new 30 minutes based on three stories. I totally forgot. My boy was like, remember when Rick got stabbed in the ass? I was like, yes. I do. I remember when he

got stabbed in the ass because we told him not to go. And he was in this dude's house with this lady. I guess it was his girlfriend. This man came in the house. Before he woke him up, he was definitely a psycho.

He pushed the couch up against the door, the front door. So when they was fighting, he was trying to get out so he tried to grab the couch to put out the door the dude stabbed him in his ass that's a terrible place to get stabbed hey man in the beanie part how big was the knife it like a steak knife oh it's a rated stabbed him right in his ass. Ooh. And he,

it's so much to the story because the dude had threw his pants and his keys out the window. Oh, no. So he got stabbed. He said he slid down the stairs. And when he slid down the stairs, he landed in the grass and he said, you know what was there? My keys.

So I'm like, oh. His keys weren't there. got his he found his keys and drove home with no pants on he went to his mom's house he was stabbed in the ass did he go to the hospital i don't think so wow just sucked it up sucked it up damn i would want to get some stitches on my ass that's the weirdest thing what men suck up i've seen a lot of men not go to the hospital for that i was like no that that looks like you should be at the hospital i know a dude who still limps because he up as achilles two years ago didn't go no never dealt with it he blew out his achilles and now he's got this little hop along cassidy going on i think i think that's

the thing with with that we grew up thinking that men are so tough that we don't go to the hospital. I don't think I ever believed that because when I was a kid, I tipped my little man hood up in my pants and went straight to the hospital. Straight, I'm talking about

from that point on, I was like, no, the hospital is the place to be when your little penis skin is all rambled up into your pants. I will never understand dudes who don't wear underwear. Would just go commando. Just dick and jeans. I didn't ever see that until I was talking to an actual gym. And dudes come out of the gym, out the shower, and like... like just put their pants right on did he just put

on did he just put on some jeans like i didn't see no other process i didn't see nothing else i saw the style i saw his style in the jeans going up like i didn't see on a regular basis still joey diaz joey diaz would always have jeans on with no drawers no underwear and then he would his jeans never fit because he has his underwear and then he would his jeans never fit because he has this giant belly so he would shake himself sideways and his jeans would drop I don't know if you've seen Joey Diaz's dick but it looks like everything else on Joey Diaz it looks like it fits him it's a giant dick it's like what is the Lenny Bruce description?

A baby's arm with an apple in its fist? That's what it looks like. It's like, what in the fuck? And he would just drop his pants all the time. He had a, on one of my albums, my first album in 1999, Joey Diaz is naked with Timberlands on with a cape. Like he's got a cape across like he's a vampire. And his giant belly and his balls are hanging out.

They look like two grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. It's just the most ridiculous person. And he's the only dude that I know that would regularly wear no underwear. Regularly. We've talked a lot, but no. Never seen this penis. He's a wild dude. You tell me he got you fucked up on his show. Yeah. Edibles.

And it's like I said, I melted. Like, what's the guy, my man, the flying Jew that's on his show? Lee. I remember the first time I did it, I was looking at him and Lee. Maybe four. Stars of Death. And I remember the first time I did it, I was looking. Him and Leah ate like maybe four of these little chewy edibles.

He ate like four of them. And I'm looking, and he's literally over there melting. It was like his eyes were open. Then I looked over. It was like a blob of a person over there. So I'm like, okay, I'm never never gonna be like that on this show oh shit a year later I'm literally

in there and he's like you know so I eat the edible and I'm sitting there and I thought I was talking pretty regular at first then all of a sudden I noticed that it's like yo I don't I don't think I'm speaking correctly like and like and he's

like no you fucked up I got you I got you I'm like I'm like no I don't I don't think and I'm like I'm like no I don't think and I'm looking at Lee and Lee's like yo wasted and I'm like yeah I'm like yeah man and so when I look back and I'm like yo I was so fucked up and I didn't even eat the I ate another edible but the star he gave me that star and

this is what people learn about me when I lose I lose, I lose. When I win, I win. But I'm never embarrassed to say when I whipped out on some shit. So I was already messing with these mushrooms. I was on mushrooms. And then he gives me this damn star.

And I'm like, I told myself, I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat this star. I'm going to eat this star'm gonna eat it I'm gonna eat this star but I kept thinking about what other people were telling me don't eat the death star don't eat the star I'm like oh nah I'm gonna eat it Joey ain't gonna fucking punk me out so

I'm staying at the Lowe's and I literally stash the star at the Lowe's in this in in the room I'm like well when somebody find this they gonna have a good time I'm not gonna have this you know me and then I stashed the mushrooms inside the hotel someone saw maintenance man probably found them and had a good time like I was I was wasted I can do too much those stars he's giving them to me they're 250

milligrams that's too much I've seen joe eat four of those four thousand milligrams like it's nothing looks at you we were on a plane once and he had these uh chiba chews i forget how many milligrams they were several hundred milligrams too he pops two chiba chews i'm nervous just sitting next to him i'm like are you fucking serious he's like joe rogan come on it's time to dance with the devil so we're on the plane in the middle of the plane ride he leans over he grabs me he touched me with joe rogan i almost had a panic attack i almost i almost couldn't do it i almost couldn't do it he goes but i'm fine and then he pulls out

two more stars of death and throws them and i'm like no he goes like so he almost had a panic attack and then two hours later we were on the way to new york grabs me by the shoulder tells me and then pops two more oh he doesn't give a fuck he goes to the basement he goes right down there he wants to see what's in the corners what's what's in there i don't i don't even understand how he could do so many animals i don't even it's strange he he had a what did he try to give me to do um an opioid he's like i got the last two biscuits i got this coffee myself like i was like i'm not doing it i said how do you even have them and he's just it's two it's like this is two in the jar got the last two biscuits gotta be causing myself biscuits i was

like yo crazy i love it i remember when um during his podcast and he found out that i actually knew moses malone like no most malone how do you know you know Moses Malone? Moses Malone is like a very, before he passed. So the first guy who ever invested in my career, his name is Anthony Colbert. And he was the first people to sign Destiny's Child. He had a music company with Moe. It was called Moe Music. And he had been friends with Mo

for years. So he would, Mo would be at his office all the time. And we was in the same building. I worked for this record label called Key Players. I was the record pool. I gave all the DJs their records. So I would organize records, give them out to DJs when I first came home.

So, Moses would be downstairs and with colbert and he introduced me to moses and so after that moses would always recognize me so then one day moses like yo hey ch colbert don't want to go to lunch he ain't got time you gonna go to lunch i'm like yeah you want to lunch with mos'm like, yeah. We're going to fucking lunch with Mosley Malone. It's this strip club called Treasures that he loves going to. In Houston, called Treasures. Chief, best buffet in town. Best buffet in town.

I'm like, huh? This is the best buffet in town. I'm like, are we going to the strip club? We're going to eat. This is the best buffet in town. You understand what I'm saying to you? I go in. It's my first time ever having food going to a strip club for food. I'm like, oh, okay. So we're eating there.

And the buffet is a huge ass buffet. Like a chef. It's lit up. It looks like a cafeteria. Little lamps a chef it's lit up it looks like a cafeteria the little lamps but it's all these naked women in here you know i'm like okay i said so you like you like crab with your crab he's like man um look here now this is the buffet i say so we arguing about is it the buffet or is the strip club so it another, it's a male strip club called La Bear in Houston. I said, so, all the men that's here,

if this buffet was in La Bear, would you go? Mother was like, hell no, I wouldn't go. So it's not the best buffet in town. It's got titties with this buffet. This is what is important about this buffet. Because if it was penis

with the buffet, you wouldn't fucking go eat the buffet. Because if it was penis with the buffet, you wouldn't fucking go eat the buffet. He's like, yeah, pretty much correct. And that's how me and Moses got tight, arguing about treasures in the buffet and known him ever since. So when he passed, I was at his funeral and we used to talk all the time. I've been mad

at Moses one goddamn time over a motorcycle seat. And this is when you can't i learned that you really can't tell people what to do with they they own money i'll leave you funny man you're funny you fine i said why don't you invest in my career how much you need how much you need leave about five thousand dollars to get you know press kid and all this other stuff done moses totally ignored Moses totally fucking ignored me after that right eight months later randomly talking me him Colbert Luke

randomly talking he's telling them about that he replaced the seat on his motorcycle just because and the seat costing $5,000 and I am pissed like he has no idea why I'm even mad I'm like and the seat costing $5,000. And I am pissed.

Like, he has no idea why I'm even mad. I'm like, so you, a fucking motorcycle seat? He's like, yeah. I just walked out the slam door and Kobe was like, you know he mad at you because he asked you to give him $5,000 to further his career and you didn't ever say anything. So what are you mad about? Because you just fucking spent $5,000 on a motorcycle seat

that you didn't have to change. And you could have helped him. He was like, well, shit. Ali can't tell me how to spend my money. He got an alligator motorcycle seat with an M on it. I like it. Fucking nice-ass seat. That sounds good.

But I want it. I get it. In retrospect, though, are you happy that you didn't get the money from him? I'm excited. Because I think that it would have probably changed how we interacted. Yeah, for sure. You know? Yeah.

And, you know, it's things that as an adult, you know why you don't, you understand why you don't get it. As a comic, you definitely have to understand that as a comic because you know how we are. I'm not getting something. Right. And we feel like we've been rejected or pushed to the side and then you start, some comics start getting better because they feel like other people are getting other opportunities, but sometimes it's not for you

in that particular space. It's been shows that haven't been for me and I've been cool with it. Then there's been shows that I thought that wasn me, and I've been cool with it. Then there's been shows that I thought they weren't for me that I got on my own. You have the benefit of hindsight. You have the benefit of becoming successful and then looking back and going, oh, all those things that went wrong, that's probably good because you develop more character.

You understand the business better. And reaching out for someone to help you, it rarely really helps you. You think it's going to help you, but it's going to fuck your relationship with that person. Because you're going to have to pay them back quickly, and you're probably not going to be able to. And then you're going to know that you had to borrow money from somebody. When you know you just did it yourself, it's like you have a piece. Like, I'm a self-made man. You can look at it that way and

and be easy it's better better and who wants to be around like yo you see him right there you know i made him right oh no he's like that would be the worst yeah somebody popping in yo so you know joe roger right i'm the i'm the one that gave him all the to start his podcast never brings me up you know like you know it's a weird it's a weird thing so in this business you know and you and you get excited you can get excited about certain things again when you feel like okay i did this and something else exciting is going to happen you know i'm very optimistic you know now than when i was growing up or when i was coming up in comedy because at first i was a little i had a little chip a lot i had a lot of chip well everybody does as a young man especially when you're entering into something where

it's a long road and you're seeing these other people get ahead of you and you're like fuck like when you were saying about being embarrassed wanting someone to do badly i remember the exact same feeling i remember feeling like a real bitch because i wanted people to bomb i didn't want people to do well i wanted them to bomb because i felt in some stupid way that if they did poorly that made me better it doesn't make any sense it's just i just was scared of my own i was nervous i didn't i didn't want a bomb so if someone else bombed i'd be happy good because if someone killed my they did so good now there's pressure on me because it was just a way of thinking and i realized it and i was it was probably i was 21 when i realized it it was when i was first starting i

was like oh okay i've got a bad mindset here i have a bad i've fallen into a trap the trap is i'm the only one i want to be the only one who does well which is a terrible mindset because what they're doing on stage has nothing to do with me. Nothing. But in my mind, I was competitive with them. But I'm like, no, the competition is with yourself. And actually, it benefits you when people are great because when people are great around you, first of all, it makes you step up your game. Second of all, you're a comedian, but you're also a fan of comedy. Like you should want to laugh.

And if you're around funny people you get funnier and that's the thing about weird little small communities you know you go to like a place like pittsburgh or something like that they don't have like a big comedy community and you realize a lot of people fucking suck they're just not that good like there's a lot of not that good in some of these communities and not not pittsburgh but you know just name it name a city yeah name a town i don't hey fuck you man that's not what i meant i mean you're a small town with not a lot of pros in that town that live in that town you don't have a high standard that you you judge yourself by but when you're a place like la and you're surrounded by top level comics all the time it forces you to rise up it's good for you and i know people get i've said this and people have

been very pissed at me in both spaces i don't i don't always find that la cameras are strong I don't always find that LA Comers are strong. And that be my thing. I think if you're a strong guy out of LA, that you were strong before you got there. Because I don't see a lot of places where they give enough time for them to develop a show. That's what I'm saying. I know it's funny people in LA but overall show I

remember coming to the improv and they asked me how long I was gonna do I was like I'm gonna do like maybe like 75 and he's like what like you don't 75 what seconds oh I'm like like 75 minutes he's like no I hit my man I had like 20 20 25 is stretching it I'm like I'm not where what it wouldn't process at the in LA dude told me that um he wanted me to do 25 was like that's ridiculous they must have tried to put overbook the show. They must have had like five or six people on before you or something like that. That doesn't make any sense.

I know Jay Phillips was coming on after me. He had the 10.30 show. I had the 8.30 show. And I was like, I don't even know how they worked. But I did an hour. We settled at an hour. And he's like, yo, man, you were really funny. You live here? I'm like, no, I live an hour. We settled at an hour. He's like, yo, man, you were really funny. You live here?

I'm like, no, I live in Houston. That's why I didn't understand a 25-minute headliner. What the fuck is that? I live in a place where time and time to develop a show is it's multiple places to go. Like in chunks of 15, I don't think you can develop a hour show in chunks of three and five. I think you gotta do it in chunks of 15 or 20s

to actually get it tight. I agree. And like you say, you have to have other strong comics. Like I come watch somebody if they want me to, I'm not coming out to do it but if you say oh i want you to come look at my set i'm like at this point i've written for so many people like you know i come watch and punch up and say oh well i think this but i tell people even when i do that i don't want your set to sound like me i'm not writing the cadence for you. I'm just writing,

use this word or go there. That's if you choose to. It's not mandatory. Because as a comic, we're one word away from some shit being the most explosive thing that we've said. Hey man, just add this on the end.

I'm like, okay. Isn't it crazy how that works yeah sometimes you just find a new way of saying it and boom like it's in it and it's i i think i have just as much fun when it's me doing it or when i wrote that part for somebody and i was like and i'm waiting for the part that i've interjected into the joke I'm like okay watch this watch this watch this watch me say this on there and she said ah I'm like yeah that's me right there

that's my part the whole sentence all I added was this and it changed the game you know that's the big thing yeah so it's so many layers to this business and you want to be you want to be in it you want to be funny and but i i think it's not a lot of people that would admit to what we have admitted to of i was

fucking being weak as shit right now and i'm now i want the strongest people. Like if somebody hosting or featuring for me or if I'm on a show with multiple people, I'm rooting for everybody to go out and do well. And I'm like, Ali, what you going to do? I'm just waiting on my 20 minutes or my 15 minutes. And then after that, I want to watch everybody else. I'm watching before, I'm watching after. I want to see everybody do well.

And I didn't come up in an environment like that. I came up in a very competitive, I'm going to try to kill the room before you go up as the host. Like, okay, as the host, I thought my job was to get the room ready for the next two comics i i don't think that it's about me and i think a lot of people who host when i'm when i'm dealing with somebody who's and i try to explain them hey how much time you're doing 10 use three minutes use three minutes of it to get acclimated to the audience let them a lot don't go out and start with your material it's because now you're going to be up because people still coming in now you mad oh look at this you know just just invite the people in first and then start sliding in your that's

good advice that's very good advice that's the worst thing when someone tries to jump right into a joke hey brother i'm still ordering. I ain't. Yeah. People still being seated. I'm not hearing. It's not that you're not funny. I'm not hearing what you're saying. Right.

Because I'm still. So y'all got popcorn. What y'all got? Jalapeno bubbles? I don't want that. Yeah. And I think that the dynamics of how you deal with stand-up is how you deal with life. I think it's starting to merge like that for me.

How I deal with people in my particular career is how I deal with the people in my personal life. Hey, look, I don't have time for your opening shenanigans right now. Tell my son all the time, you are the opener. You know what I'm saying? Your sisters are the feature and I am definitely the headliner

of this whole household. Without me, there's no show, sir. There's no show. That's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, I agree with you uh having strong opening acts too so important the worst thing in the world is when you go see a headliner and they bring terrible opening acts and you know what they're doing they're just stacking the deck they just want themselves to look good but meanwhile you subjected your audience to 35 minutes of bullshit. Yeah.

Your audience is like, say, who the, I've heard an audience ask somebody, who the fuck is this guy? It's like, and this is, I always make you love East Coast audiences. A Connecticut audience is fucking, Wes Nyack. Yo, who the fuck? I didn't drive an hour from the city to see this guy. Who is this? I'm like, and I had to come out. The management, the dude ain't trying to hear none of that shit.

And my man is like, yo, where is the fucking Mexican guy on Boots guy? I'm like, ah. And I'm standing in the shadows. I'm like, I'm coming searching. They didn't finish. Like, yo, how long before? And he didn't stop me. How long before you go up?

I'm like, about time you get your drink. I'll be honest. Do you always bring opening acts on the road? I try to. Yeah. I try to. I try to at least bring the feature. You have to in Florida.

That place is the worst. Like all of Florida. They'll set you up with an opening act. You'll be like, what in the fuck is happening? I remember I was working in Tampa once. I was like, I got to get out of the room because I don't think anything is funny anymore. I think there's no funny. I think funny is not real.

I got to get out of here. This is crazy. Okay. That was early in the career. The guy's no funny. I think funny is not real. Like, I got to get out of here. This is crazy. Okay. That was early in the career. The guy's probably dead. But he was a reckless motherfucker. He was crazy. But his act was, it didn't make any sense.

It was like, oh, my God, what am I seeing here? But from, like, 99 on, I just started bringing opening acts. I was like, I can't do this anymore. The weird thing is I'm in Tampa this weekend. Tampa's crazy. There's a lot of swingers in Tampa, too. And I think the first time I went to Tampa, it was like, yo, man, from this point on, I'm going to bring at least the middle. I'm fucking bringing the middle. So I try my best to...

It's weird. I don't think people know the... How could they, though? I don't think people know the, how could they know, the dynamics and the mindsets of comics when you get to a particular position of the things that you want to help do. Like how much help other comics have to give other comics. 85% of your help comes from other goddamn comics. Whether it's referring you to somebody or telling somebody about you oring you in the right it's other comics so i try to give a lot of help to people that's in town maybe you you can't get in this club but you know me and this is just not the

club where you work at hey because i'm in this position i'll twist somebody's arm to get you to host but please don't make my twisting and the dude looking at me like this is your guy right but it's but I know for a fact there's no better than the guy that you had here last time right he's okay if he's no better than the guy that you had here last time right like he okay if he's terrible what about the guy that you had here last time the reason why this terrible guy is here because your guy was worse so so my middle the middle is always gonna be a ringer it's gonna be somebody who's probably headlining somewhere else and now it's not a lot of work for people because like clubs and a lot of

GMs have explained to me like all we need is people who can hit grand slams we ain't got time for the oh you can get half the room we ain't got time for that shit we in a pandemic we need asses in the seats and this is what we doing so it'll be a person

who may have been doing cruise ships or colleges or some other venues where they're headlining. Hey, can I come on the road with you? Or my friends, if I'm writing something, you know, like to give me a different perspective, I just bring my friends. Hey, they're going to watch my set. They're going, hey, man, you should do this. So that's where I'm comfortable at.

And then I want somebody to hang out with that I know. That's big. That's big. That keeps the road from being lonely. Because I would bring two opening acts. I started bringing two opening acts because Joey Diaz didn't always show up. Diaz was always my opener. And one of the reasons why Diaz was my opener is he was the funniest dude that was willing to go on the road.

Like, Diaz was a murderer. But he liked to do, like, 20 minutes. He didn't like to do an hour. Like, he could do an hour. Easy. But Joey Diaz likes to just da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Just come out guns blazing for 20 minutes. Just mow them all down.

And then he's out of gas, you know. He's a big guy. He's got to take a break. But that's his best set is 20 minutes of thunder. know he was just destroyed for 20 minutes half hour whatever it is but this was the joey diaz coke days and joey you never knew most of the time he would show up but sometimes you never knew like one time i was in jersey i was working at rascals and uh he's not there for the first show he just doesn't show up first show starts like 40 minutes late because they got to call some other dude because by the time showtime starts can't

get a hold of this is the beeper days joey i would call his pager and his fucking it was useless and then uh finally they get a local guy to come down he does his time and then i go up and then the second show starts late and the guy is fine the guy was pretty funny it worked out well but joe was supposed to be there the next day and he had apparently talked to the booker and said i was a mistake and this and that no problem i'll be there he was on a bender and then the next day it's showtime it's eight o'clock and i'm on the phone with him he goes joe rogan i'm not gonna lie to you i never left vegas he was in vegas he never called i'm like shit and so luckily we had that other dude but i decided then i'm gonna bring two opening acts so that way i bring like ari shafir i would bring duncan

trussell and i bring you know whoever could make it and then i would bring joey diaz and if joey showed up we got a three-man show joey Joey showed up, we got a three-man show. Joey didn't show up, we got a two-man show. But I didn't want to tell Joey not to show up. Because he's magic. When he's there, it's magic. You know? It's the...

I think... This is the thing. I have... Like Bert. Bert has a fucking freedom about comedy and life that I

wish I had developed earlier. Because I don't have it down. He literally has this shit down. This is when I knew that his life was different than mine. I'm getting ready to do his podcast. He calls like, hey, you in Tampa? You know, doing my podcast.

I'm out here on vacation with my family, my people from here. So he shows up to my room, literally. Walks in, no fucking shirt on, toes are fucking, toenails are painted. He literally just coming from like the beach with his kids or something and they doing a podcast. Walks in my room, he's like, Ali, were you raised by a single mother? I was like, yeah, how you raised by a single mother? I was like, yeah. How you know? Because your fucking room was amazing. I've been in my

room for three hours. It's like I've been squatting in my room. I was like, okay. So we're doing this podcast and he just, we just fucking randomly talk for like two half hours about just whatever and he's sitting in my room. He has his's sitting in my room.

He has his feet crossed in the chair. He's fucking just so relaxed. So we're walking out. And I don't know why my mind is judging him like this. And it's literally, it's like a Honda, Toyota Civic, something so small-ass car. And I'm like, quite sure. I'm walking towards this car

like quite sure this is what he's in because he's a shirtless barefooted man so this is probably what he drove in and as i'm walking it's a huge ass bends on the side that is like white very nice i'm not even looking at this car i'm going straight over here and i turn around because i'm almost to this car i turn around and he has this trunk popped up on this bench he's like oh that's your rental car i'm like no i'm i'm thinking this is your car shirtless homeless very homeless looking white man that's jumping in the fucking bins right now look like you got fur on the goddamn inside i'm like it's fucking like he's in a bins with no shirt on with fucking painted toenails with no goddamn shoes on just driving around like all right man see you in la when we come to the podcast trail I'm like yo I said this is fucking

the life I've never been in a car with no shirt on and I've never been barefooted driving anything and he was just in my room I'm like what fucking type of life is this that he has that he's just this comfortable and I

thought about it for days and I thought I would get over it like for a day and I'm in Ybor City and you know you you walking around there and it's fucking roosters everywhere and little lizards walking around I'm like he's from here

and I'm like this is why he's like this it's like this fucking carefree ass life and I tried it I went home back to houston and i tried it i walked outside my house with no shirt on and no shoes you know how you got them letters little text messages i got yo man what you doing you homeless like i've tried to cycle i've tried to cycle and i quit because black people are very hard. Black people are very hard in my neighborhood. The rumor, it was a rumor.

It was literally a rumor going around. Hey, I think Ali lost his truck. I think his truck got repossessed. Oh. I'm like, who is saying this shit? He's like, yo, they saw you on a bike, man. I was on a Cannondale. I wasn't on a regular ass bike.

It was like I was on a Huffy he's like I was trying to I had the shit on had the tight shit on but like this is what happens when you ain't with your white friends going to fucking cycle and somebody see you you like yo Ali lost his truck it's fucking bite but the freedom of some people in this comedy, I think y'all have a different comedy community than the black comedy community, which is a weird thing. You have to get up to a certain tier

to where it's not black and white anymore. It's just comedy and mainstream. Because I think the rooms are a little different and i and i try to tell cats i'm like nah it's not urban rooms are no different than bar show they both sometimes but then when you start getting up to the comedy club level in the theater level it definitely changes it's not i don't want to go out and be better than joe rogan i want i'm on the show it's if it's mars jabrani you me joy i want everybody to have a fucking good time but in a in a club in a like clubs it's not comedy because it would have been like no i'm

fucking finna go out here and destroy everybody around me and be the only center of light and i'm i'm not in that space anymore and i think because i'm i've teared up to a mainstream thing where i just want to go have a good time and have a good show and i don't i want the wait staff to be happy i'm concerned about other shit now i want everybody to be good but at first it was like i justaff to be happy. I'm concerned about other shit now. I want everybody to be good. But at first it was like, I just wanted to be the fucking monster in the room. And now I'm not like that anymore. Yeah, everybody wants to be the monster in the room when you're coming up.

Once you do a theater though, the theater level's different because then you know people are coming to see you. There's no other reason to be at that theater. No other reason. If you go to a comedy club, people go to comedy clubs just as a, oh, let's see. Let's see.

I don't know who that is, but let's see. People do that all the time. All the time. I mean, if you have a comedy club like Comedy Works in Denver or Zany's in Nashville, I mean, they have a built-in community. There's a built-in number of people that know. Zany's always has good comics. If you go there, you're going to see a good show. You like their club? It's a good club. I fucking love Zany's. That's a great club. if you go there you're gonna see a good show you like that club it's a good club i love zany that's a great club did you see when they get hit by a

truck yes how crazy is that they got hit on tuesday they was back open friday were they really good for them right that's your done wow good for them yeah that's a great club what's the best club in your opinion cap city here was pretty good cap city but it's gone it's gone yeah it's went under yeah um comedy works in denver pretty good never played it never wanted to play it and that's the other thing about politics of the game hey you playing over here can't oh so you did the improv in Denver? That's great, too, though. Improv's great, too.

Huh? Huh? Huh? I never did it. You never did it? I heard it's great. It's a nice club. Diaz did it.

He said it was great. I think Diaz did it. I know people have done it, for sure. Comedy Works is... Comedy Works is amazing. ...is fucking amazing for me. The lady who runs it, Wendy. Shout out to Wendy. She's a great great lady she's been responsible for the community in

in denver for a long time too because she has a whole tier system of open micers and she brings them on to become hosts and then gets them into the middle slot position and actually develops headliners like local denver based headlin, which is that's so important for a community. You know, I want to open up a club out here, and one of the things that I want to do, really important, is have open mic nights two nights a week. Exactly. Two nights a week.

You've got to develop local talent. It's so important. And you're in a city that it could definitely be done. It can be done. it can it could it could definitely be done it can be done and they definitely need the the austin has always been step behind dallas dallas is maybe three steps behind houston when it comes to stand up um yeah houston's always been the shining light in te, from Kennison to Bill Hicks. I mean, so many great comics came out of that little area alone, you know, where that laugh stop was. I'm fucking chasing Bill Hicks.

It's a weird thing. Chasing him? Yeah. of how I am. It's like when you mention, when people mention a certain area, because when I was first starting, people told me, you know, you got to go to New York, got to go to LA.

I was so anti that, that I never, I would go to do shows and come back home, but I never wanted to move there to validate that. that was like one of the things i came into this business i am not moving to either one of these places because i think that's a bunch of bullshit that you got to stay here or you got to be here in order for

somebody to see i'm like well i'm not doing it not anymore you know this is so this is in 1997 that i said that i'm not doing this shit and so by 99 i'm full-fledged stand-up this is all i'm doing i quit both my jobs and I'm just doing stand up and I'm refusing. Like, I need to go to L.A. I'm not doing it because it's like it's like you validate somebody. You validate that whole thing is this is the only place where to happen. But being so against it, I just pushed straight Houston, Texas. It's all about Texas to me.

And I would only hear, your greatness is going to be judged by Bill Hicks. Like, you chasing this ghost of Bill Hicks. So when they would mention the best comics out of the South or they would mention Texas, they would always mention Bill Hicks. I would go places and Bill Hicks would be on the wall. And I would say, what the fuck do I have to do

to get in this realm? And Ralphie was like, got to work, man. You got to work, Ralphie. So Ralphie was in Houston when I started. In Houston, it was me,

Ralphie, and I think that's about the only people that people would know off the rip. It was Thea Vidal, Sam Kenson, Bill Hicks. That was the thing.

Then it was, it became Ruchon McDonald because he was with, he was with Steve Harvey, producing stuff with Steve. So I looked up Bill Hicks, like his accomplishments. I was like, what has he accomplished? He was like, he did this, he did that. And I would try to supersede all that. And then I've done that, so to speak. And people still don't bring me up.

Like, they would literally have to talk about, let's talk about the best storytellers. Then I would be brought up. When they say comics, they still I'm like, fucking fucking shit his comedy was different because he was the first guy in uh my era right when i was an open mic or he was the first guy that i had ever seen that brought ideas that weren't necessarily comedy ideas and he brought him to the stage. He tried to figure out a way to make things funny that were philosophical ideas,

maybe more so than they even were stand-up bits. And that was one of the big criticisms of him. Some of his jokes weren't really funny. I remember I dated this girl once, and I made her watch a Hicks special. It wasn't the best Hicks special to watch because it was the one that he had a cowboy hat on. It was he did it in the UK and it was a one take thing. And it was in front of a large audience.

And I think whenever you have a one like this is my special. Ready, go. You only have one show. You're going to be too tense. You're going to be too tight. And it just didn't seem loose. Like I had seen him live before where it was loose and uh i was like he has just a way of thinking that is attractive like he

thought about things in a way like explain things he had logic to him and so this girl was like he's not very funny she's like he's really interesting but he's not very funny and i was i wanted to go shut your fucking mouth but i thought about it i was like god damn it she's right like this one special was not that good like if you compared to like live on the sunset strip or delirious or um kinnison louder than hell like those were way better they're way funnier like i showed her kinnison she was crying laughing i was like okay it's like hicks when you saw him when he was at his best though he just had a way of describing like he he made sense like he had like a lot there was there was perspective and there was like an education behind his ideas that that he was pretty rare for comedy like he played he didn't play to

the level of the room he played above that he played to his own level like what the things that he was thinking about and still to this day so he's got something like young man on acid is like one of the best bits ever he's got some great fucking bits great he got some great he has some great bits bit about during the iraq war you know some great shit about how they were just practicing you know like like uh like they had amazing weapons how do we know well we sold them to we got the receipts like look it's like because we did we armed the iraqi army and then we went and fucked them up but he had this bit about the war that was so different than anybody else's take on the war like he said

yeah bill they say iraq has the third largest army in the world it was well after the first two there's a big fucking drop off it's like the salvation army's number four like he had some great he had some great bits yeah there's some great his perspective it wasn't obvious you know it was a you would watch him and you'd be like i remember richard jenny who was one of my all-time favorites he said to me he uh he goes i saw hicks and i was like god damn it i need to do more of that he goes i need to have more of my actual opinions even though jenny would more of my actual opinions even though jenny would jenny would murder man richard jenny was a joke right and savage i mean i saw him in uh 1988 when i was first starting and uh he was a killer and then i worked at east side comedy club on long island and all the comedians were depressed

because richard jenny had just been there and it was it was on Sunday that I came down. And the guys that were there on Friday and Saturday would go, dude, he did a different hour every show. He did four different hours. And fucking destroyed. Never told a joke twice. Did completely different material for every show. And it was murderous. And all these comics held on to their 20 minutes. This was like a baby in a river.

Like, I got you. I got you. They held on to these bits. They would never change and expand. And Jenny did four different hours. And everybody was depressed. I think to this day, I always say this. People don't appreciate that guy.

He committed suicide. And people don't remember. They weren't there during the day he wanted to be a movie star he wanted to be a tv star but he was one of the best comics that ever lived and when i saw him i saw him in his prime i saw him at a bunch of different places i saw him in la at the laugh stop i saw him at the comedy works in den in um in montreal i saw i've just seen that guy murder to the point where like i feel like i remember thinking when i first started like i'm never gonna be that good like i'm fucked like because there's levels like i'm like i don't know if i could ever get there there's a there's a top of the mountain like i might die of no oxygen

before i get to where he's at. And so. And even he was looking at Hicks like, shit, I need to do more of that. You said earlier that as people get older, they stop learning. This is where. I can't even. I can't because I don't want to miss nothing. I don't want to stop the thought. Because when it comes to stand-up, I sit here and I absorb and I listen. Because I know when I came into this business, stand-up was, like, one thing to me.

And then I started looking at all this like when people say well what were your influences the average person expect me to say richard pryor all of them like no carol burnett hee haw fucking don rickles people who i was fucking growing up seeing on tv this is who was funny to me. Carol Burnett was fucking hysterical to me. Rodney Dangerfield, he was hysterical. Like, I wasn't... I stole Richard Pryor albums

way later, but Lucille Ball was fucking on TV. Like, I was watching her. I didn't have to listen to her album when my parents left. Don Rickles had to be one of the funniest people on the planet to me. I don't give a damn what other people say. I'm like, yo, that's fucking hysterical.

Back in the day, he was a murderer. Yo, so Sammy Davis Jr. was fucking hysterical to me. It's like me watching Cannonball Run. I thought everybody on Cannonball Run was fucking comic because I'm like, yo, this had to be one of the funniest movies I ever seen. So when somebody gives you some billy d washington this is why i like bill hicks ali when you are not being funny on stage be interested you have the ability to be able to do both. And I was like, huh? He's like, be interesting.

Like, how you do that? He's like, okay, do what you do when you come in the barbershop and you tell us a story about something that we don't know anything about. Say being incarcerated, what it was like in this. People want to hear that so i'm like no i don't like trust me so i started putting in these little bits about me growing up or how something happened and people started gravitating towards it like, oh, man, what you just said, man, I was thinking about it.

Because I hadn't got that ever when I got off stage. I got you was funny, but I never had got to the point where somebody said they was thinking about something that I said, thinking about it. You wasn't laughing at it? No, I was thinking about what you said. I'm like, oh, shit. So you can get people to think and you can get people to laugh because it's both people in the audience.

Some people don't want to think about shit. We just want you to say something that's humorous. There's some people that want to be like, well, what is this taking? What does he feel about it? And you start learning this, and I learned this maybe year number 11. you start learning this and i learned this maybe year number 11 so when somebody is in year number five year number three number four and they already think that they great i'm thinking like well i got shit that i wrote that i'm still none of my none of my things are finished because my career is not it's all these different perspectives i have so nothing is old to me and i'm not hanging on to 20 minutes because i'm gonna say what happened to me during

the course of the day because now i got this perspective where i can be interesting i can be funny i can have respect this shit matter of fact this shit that i'm about to say don't make no sense like it's not even a complete thought i'm thinking about it y'all i'm asking i'm actually asking the question at this point so would you prefer a unshaved man or a shaved man what do what what we talk about then i just dive into these things not going to the perspective of why i would shave my my underarms my pubic hair why i would not and when you get into the game you don't know you can do any of that. So when you're looking at these other people, you're like, oh, shit. Franklin and the John.

I've laughed, but I thought more than I laughed. I was like, no, that's fucking. He had one of my all-time favorite jokes about watching the Olympics. He was like, he goes, why watch the Olympics? He goes, I don't watch the dude who comes in first. He he goes why watch the olympics he goes i don't watch the dude who comes in first he goes i watch the dude who comes in last he goes he goes he goes you can see that guy running going oh shit i'm about to come in last in the olympics and then he started thinking fuck i i could have not even trained and i was still coming last

think about the sacrifice I made. And he goes, then reality starts sitting in. I don't even have a fucking job. Like, it was a great bit, man. I remember that bit. It was like, he's a very jazz-like comic, you know? Franklin Ajayi would like, his bits were like, he would let them drag out. He would let you think about them.

He didn't force anything. He wasn't like, he wasn let them drag out. He would let you think about them. He didn't force anything. He wasn't trying to say it quickly. He was confident, relaxed. That bit was, I remember thinking that bit was a genius bit. That and women always say excuse me about their house. Their house. Excuse me, my house is filthy. I'm at this lady's house. She said, excuse me, my house is filthy he was like I'm at this daily house you said excuse my house is

filthy he's like he walked in anything fucking immaculate he said no some dust over there on that TV he said yeah I was gonna ask you about she goes to his house And then They in there and she said Can I be frank with you She was looking uncomfortable Can I be frank with you Your house is disgusting Your house is filthy My house is straightened up

She takes her finger and she goes on the TV On the stand and says Look at all of this dust. He was like, yeah. I was sitting there trying to figure out how she going to get that dust back in that fingerprint.

I'm like, this is fucking genius shit. How are you going to get the dust back in the finger point so it looks normal again? Don't make me clean it up. Oh, it's the perspective and the honesty of the person that you're looking at. Yeah. And you don't want to be able to separate.

Oh, he's this way. separate. He's this way. I think the only person who I think that's a fucking genius that I don't have any words for. He's going to get his ass kicked. A lot of people saved him from getting the shit beat out of him.

Paul Mooney, it's like I was so fucking mad at Paul Mooney because he asked me to i'm featuring for paul mooney and he comes in the room and he's like yo go count the room like like what like go count the room i said that's not that's not my job to count the room i said i'm the feature but i want you to count the room. I said, I'm the feature, but I want you to count the room. I said, shit, people in hell want ice water too, but that's not my job. Comes back 20 minutes later, didn't I tell you to count the room?

I was like, my man, that's why you bring people with you in order to do that. Another 10 minutes go by, he comes back, yeah, let your white boyfriend know that the club is sold out. He's talking about Raymond, the GM of the improv in Houston.

It's like, we friends, but I don't think Raymond would even expect me to know the room is counted. He's never, that's never happened. Cut to, I'm sitting there, and he comes back. He said, next time I ask you to do something, you need to do it. And I leaned towards him in his face.

I said, if you say one more word to me, Paul, I'm going to stomp the shit out you in this green room. Because you being fucking disrespectful. Don't ask me shit. So now the rest of the weekend is tight. It's tight. This is tight. This shit is bad.

I'm like, I'm never. I called DL. I was like, yo, I'm like ten minutes from whooping palm on he's like don't what Paul money says he's the old man I'm like what how many years ago this is like hold on to him let's go back improv has been there with it so we gonna go 13 years 13 14 years and he's like yo he's old man I'm like yo so that means he's responsible for what he's saying i'm whoop his ass he's like he's like they're gonna they're probably gonna blackball you with paul i said it'll be the second time i don't give a he's like don't will

palm on you three years later austin we're booked at the paramount theater austin we're booked at the paramount theater right next to it is the states so we're both booked there for this um black letters poetry society that they doing pause the headliner i'm gonna be both doing 45 minutes a piece our our green rooms are in those right around the corner the lady has no idea that me and paul don't have any words for each other and she keeps trying to well you know paul's over here and he would you know and paul you know ali's over here you know and we we neither one of us are speaking to each other like fuck that i go do my thing paul is next and i'm sitting in the green room and Dre Dre's with me same guy we sit in the green room

and my door's open Paul walks by and this is his apology cause he know he was wrong with shit what he said this is his apology he walks past the room

and leans back and says hi Ali and then walks to I was like Dre I fucking hate him so much he's like he just apologized I live like

fucking high Ali when I came to the store in 94 Paul was the elder statesman and he gave me no time of day he wouldn't barely make eye contact with me I would bring him up on stage and he would act like I just took a shit all over the stage until one day and one day he made me feel like a real comic like he gave me he helped me so much

because i was just starting out man i was on six years in a comedy when i came to the comedy store and i did a late night set and there was maybe 15 20 people in the room and uh i don't give a fuck if there's 20 people or 100 people or 1,000 people. I do the same. I do my show. I don't half-ass it. And I was on stage and I heard,

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! He was laughing his fucking ass off. And I brought him up, and then afterwards he came up, he put his hand on me, he goes, You're a real fucking comic. He goes, There came up he put his hand on me he goes you're a real fucking comic he goes

there was no one in that room and he goes and you gave those motherfuckers a show you're a real comic and I remember thinking holy shit Paul Mooney told me I was a real comic

it was literally one of the first words we ever had to each other after that we were very friendly but I was you know I was insecure around him I knew he wrote for

Richard Pryor and you know and I would see him on stage he wrote for Richard Pryor and you know and I would see him on stage and he was brilliant I mean so many people stole some of his shit oh my god there was he's dude he's one of my fucking favorites and to get into it with him I'm like it's fucking horrible oh it is fucking literally horrible because I I had so much admiration for and I still think he's one of the greatest. I just think he's a fucking ass sometimes. He can be sometimes, you know, but it's just like it's part of his brilliance, you know?

Go count the room. You know, I'm quite sure you heard of Rodney Winfield. I know the name, yeah. At Uso Well Sailor Cap. Yeah. sure you heard of rodney winfield i know the name yeah at usa well sailor cap yeah so just joking the club that i started he would sit on right on like literally you come down it's the bar and he sits right on the edge of the bar so when the comics come off stage you have to pass him like it's no other way to get off stage and not pass him. And he talked like this. Let me tell you something. That's his voice. So every night, just starting now, I'm a comic,

every night I would get off and I would have to walk past him. And every night he had something to say. Every single night. Ali, let me tell you something. Let me tell you what was wrong with what you said. What was wrong with what you said was wrong was that everything the fact that she was up there was that was the first goddamn wrong right there and then go up going up he coming to watch me host god damn ollie shit every night every day every time I think that you're getting better.

You know what I'm saying? God damn. It was like you just let me down. Weekend after weekend. Oh, shit. You know something? I almost laughed. God damn it, Ali.

The night that I knew that I had turned the corner with him, this is his compliment. Get off stage. Ali, let me tell you, it's one thing that was wrong with your whole set. Everything else was brilliant. Everything was brilliant. One thing was wrong with your set.

I said, what was that? I said all that shit 30 years ago. I was like, oh, I was like, okay, that's his, that's his ultimate compliment.

That's not bad. You done stepped into his lane. He's like, the only thing that's wrong, I said all that shit 30 years ago. When you're a young comic, getting a compliment

from someone who's established, it's gigantic. It can help you so much. Yes, I think, I think it's definitely a boost oh my god there's a few of those i can remember i could look back and think that that person helped me a lot because you know in the beginning you don't know if you're gonna make it you're so confused it's such a crazy art form because like as we were talking before about all the different styles and

all the different people and the different influences no one can teach you how to do it it's so open-ended you just got to figure it out so you heard a clubhouse right sure so i'm on clubhouse how does anybody have the time for that i had i had the only reason i had time i had fucking covet i was in i was i was in i was in a i haven't been on since i've been back in the world. In isolation, this is the only thing you have to the world to hear other people's voices. You're like a leper once you get goddamn COVID. So I'm in the hotel room. I'm listening.

And I just happened to ask a question. I said, what do y'all think about comedy class? I said, I know. is really big. A lot of L.A. comedians are really big on comedy classes. But I say, I'm really not the comedy class guy. So people go fucking berserk. Comedy classes are this and comedy classes are that. And now it's...

Are they saying it's good or bad? They're saying that it's great. Like, this is the best thing. It's a sliced bread. And I'm like, are y'all trying to be combative with me? Or I'm trying to understand. Are these established comedians you're talking to? It's, it's, this is the thing about Clubhouse.

For some strange reason, there are no new comics on Clubhouse. There's, everybody is a fucking professional everybody's headlining all over the place everybody's everybody's pros and i'm like wow people who i've never not that if i've never heard you don't mean that you're not a pro but okay so i'm now it's becoming a uh an attack on what i'm saying now we we going back and forth and there's people well comedy because i said well i don't think a comedy class can teach you shit about this bit i said well name all the greats that went to goddamn comedy class well you know for me well that's for you i don't but what did you learn i say i don't prescribe to the whole thing of people who who can't do teach teach you what how not to be able to fucking do that don't make no sense i'm like yo i think that a comedy class depend upon who is taught by but even with that i can only

teach you what i do i can't teach you the whole spectrum of comedy because Because it's, I can't teach you how to be you. That's the whole thing. I need you as a stand-up. It has to be connected to you. I don't want to see you try to do somebody else. I want to see you do you. And you got to find you. And this shit is trial and error.

I think it's like being a chef. I think At least with a chef, you could teach this is how you sear, this is how you baste, there's certain things you can learn, techniques and things. With comedy, you can't even do that because everybody does it so

differently. I think the best thing comedy classes do is get you on stage. I think that's the best thing they can do. And this is an open mic because it would be people that would say they went to comedy class and then they would come see me and then like yo, you do everything that they

told us not to do with comedy. I was like, what'd they tell you not to do? You don't fucking move the microphone stand. You don't do anything. Like, I talk with the microphone stand right in my face. It depends on what I'm saying. It's a purpose for me doing that. I have a chair and a stool on stage my props are the chair the stool and the stand so i try to create these things with these three objects well how do you do that i

just started this is fucking trial and error it's the stool hasn't always been in the right spot i've learned that i need this stool to be right here so if i do this lean i want it to seem seamless that like i move i adjust stuff so much on stage without people even paying attention like like i move a chair way early in the in my set because i know that eventually i'm going to position and when i walk over here and i just fall back and i'm right in the chair people like oh she's the chair how did that chair get there i'm like i moved it three jokes ago over here three stories ago i don't think somebody can teach you that i don't think somebody can teach you how to deal with a heckler i don't think somebody can teach you how to deal with the goddamn worst thing in the world to me and stand up comedy clubs that's listening all over the world do not put fucking bridesmaid

wedding parties anywhere near the front of a stage. Oh. She's getting married. Bitch, I don't care. I see the dick surround her goddamn head. I see the light-up dick necklace. You think you just wearing that? You think you wearing a light-up dick necklace, and I don't know that you getting married? That is so universal.

Like, how do they not know that it's a comedy show and that there's 350 other people in the room and that it's not about you? Like, if you want to go there and enjoy and laugh that's great but don't make it about her don't don't point at your friend and decide that the show has to revolve around them these are the worst goddamn fingers you know they get drunk this she's getting she's getting worse is that when it's just a birthday it's her birthday like oh boy no one cares first of all it's not your birthday it's just a birthday. It's her birthday. Like, oh boy. No one cares.

First of all, it's not your birthday. It's the anniversary of your birthday. You were born 34 fucking years ago. Let it go. This is not your birthday. Bitch, you're 34.

This is not your birthday. You're not instantly born. This is not your first day on earth. Get the fuck out of here. So you're the finest day old motherfucker I've ever seen. Don't ever say that to a guy because guys don't give a fuck about birthdays. We give a fuck about birthdays. If your kids say happy birthday, daddy, or if your wife says happy birthday, that's nice.

But I don't give a fuck about my birthday. Do you know how mad a man is when his wife hollers out it's his birthday at the comedy club and he's sitting there like this? He's like, yeah, he's looking at you like, yeah, it's my birthday, but I don't need you to say a fucking thing. You understand? Bachelorette parties, bridal parties, any of that kind of shit at a comedy club. Yeah, they're the worst. Or people like this.

You ever had this? club yeah they're the worst or people like this you ever had this the the club people think that they're doing you a favor by putting your friends right in the fucking front so that's not good so you just walk out and see your sister like i'm i'm gonna be saying things about her like this is a major person i need her back at least three rows. So her fucking disbelief in her face when I'm saying this shit is not going to be, I'm not going to see it. No. Because I say some shit about my sister. My sister be doing like, yo, this is what we doing?

So you know I was in the fucking Navy, right? You know I can still do 200 straight ass pushups. I whoop your ass. Like, I remember my sister came home from the Navy. I thought she was the fucking toughest woman ever. She could do 200 push-ups? Because at the time, she could do fucking 200 ass push-ups. 100 straight.

Then she started breaking them down to 25 as she stopped. That's incredible. She was just coming home from the Navy. It's like, yo, I watched her go and come back. And she was like, my sister was diesel. She was sitting across the table. It's like, my sister knows she had nothing for me growing up. And she's two years older than me.

But it's like, she came back from the Navy. She was like, yeah, you know how to, anything you want to do, right? Like, why are you talking so aggressive? I ain't been in your room or nothing. She's like, yeah. So just know, motherfucker. Like, we had breakfast. I'm just not seeing you.

My sister was like, no, just know I'm home. Like, my sister was like. Just know I'm home. What does any of this mean? And I said, working out, and she'd come back. This is what I knew. My sister was trying to intimidate me. She'd come back from a long run in the season. She was like, 15 miles.

I'm like, I can't fucking run 15 seconds. No, I'm not going to fucking run. You just ran fucking 15 miles. Like, yo, I'm not fucking with 15 seconds. No, I'm not going to fucking run. You just ran fucking 15 miles. Like, yo, I'm not fucking with my sister. She was dead ass serious. Like, yeah, you be in them streets. Yeah, I've been in the military. I just came from Frisco.

I mean, though, she was coming from San Diego. Yeah. My sister was like, yo, I want to whoop your ass. Whoa. Like, my sister was looking at me like, yo, just make a move. Just make a move. She was so jacked up coming from the next door.

Are you a fucking SEAL or something? You just went to training. My sister was like, take it. I've acquired a special set of skills since I've been gone. And buddy, you are the one that I want to... My sister wanted to submit me. I think that's the thing. to my sister wanted to submit me i think that's

that thing i think she wanted to submit me i remember my friend got submitted by a girl no by a dude a little white boy who i told him was gonna fuck him up i said hey jiu-jitsu class i said yo you're not paying attention to the ear no this is in the street this is right i was like keep on talking shit i said keep on i said man look at his look at his ear. Fuck his ear. I'm like, alright. Just know, that is an ear of combat, sir. I just want you to know that. He look regular. Go ahead.

Little white boy's finna fuck you up out here. Now your ass getting ankle submitted. Look at this shit. Now you out here getting ankle submitted. Now I gotta talk to the little white boy. Hey, Trevor, is it? Can you let my friend go? like he's all out in his shirt you won sir he's no no he's fucking with me he's i'm like yeah i know i told him the ear you wrestle you wrestle right he's like yeah you know because look at your fucking ear you get this shit is all cauliflower it's all

fucked up it's called the college you know some dudes do that to their ear on purpose just so people think they're badass. Like white belts, they'll take their ear and crush it and do a bunch of shit. It's just, you know what it is? It's calcification. It's blood. You get blood in your ear from squishing it. So sometimes people do that. They'll fuck their own ears up on purpose just to get cauliflower ear.

It's weird when somebody don't even know what that means. You done fucked your ear up, and I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with his ear? I'm just punching him in the shit. But when you know, you're like, huh? Yeah, it's a good way to tell. It's a good chance that I don't think you're going to win this, Mike. It's a good chance that this person is going to win.

Ears and necks. Look at necks. Like if you see a dude with a skinny neck, you're like, you can't do shit with that little neck. That little neck is barely holding your head up. Like, you can have big muscles, but you have a skinny neck. People are going to go, what is going on with that neck? How is that thing even holding your head up?

I obsess on dudes' necks. If I see a bulky dude with, like, a skinny neck, I'm like, what are you doing? Your spine is barely working. Like, you you barely supporting your body that is funny even that's and that's and it's almost very intimidating if you're getting into the dude it was like hey man i'm gonna let you make it because your neck is way too small all you're doing is lifting weights i see what you're doing you're lifting the wrong kinds of

weights too like bench press and curls. There's a lot of dudes in prison like that. Oh, just trying to look jacked. Yeah, with the brown hornet. They got the brown hornet with a little bitty-ass waist. They waltz out, but then they don't have no legs. They need legs as little as hell. You're like, yo, you have no legs.

A lot of those guys that do like those uh playground workouts they get super jacked do it like bar stars yeah a lot of those guys get super jacked upper body but they're not lifting anything with their legs because everything is like chin-ups and leg extensions and all this stuff you're doing ab work and all this different shit but you're not doing anything you can't pick you need to lift heavy things to get your legs stronger. It's the only way. You don't have anything around you to lift. This is not going to work out. Sir, you look amazing. You look great.

You're wearing sweatpants for a reason. But you but these infant childlike legs that you have. You have a 10 year old leg sir like my i look at my son and i have body envy of my son he's 10 and he's fucking because he boxes now and he swims so he has like an eight pack and when he comes out he i don't know why he he fucking keep wearing

i haven't had some underwear this low since bikini drawers was out. And my son wears, like, the little boxer briefs. And I think this shit getting too small for him. Because he comes out, and he looks like he's going into one of them bodybuilding contests. Like, he's about to flex. I'm like, yo, man. And I looked at him the other day. He was walking by.

I'm like, yo, this son look good, man. His fucking back. Like, I'm looking at him like, god damn, I want his body right now. 10-year-old. I'm like, I want this fucking small man's body right now because his shit is right. It's eight packs. I'm like, yo, I asked my mother.

I'm like, do I have any pictures of me looking like Hassan looks right now? She's like, no, you was a fat kid. I'm like, oh, it explains me being a oversized adult then yeah i'm chubby as i shouldn't be this big when you see your son learning how to box and he's 10 that's going to be a real problem nah if you and him get an argument when he's like 17 and he's jacked he he see it's about technique you know oh about technique he he can he can learn all what he he chooses to but when it comes to me it's

going to be a whole different ball game that's what i would say too if i had a son until he me up yeah because my son is left-handed i'm'm ambidextrous, so it's like... I don't know. And I keep explaining to him, like my oldest son, he boxes. He's 27. But I keep telling him, y'all have regular male strength. We have regular male strength.

I have what they call father strength, which is two different things. It's like having a grandmother who can reach into an oven and grab out a hot pan she don't need no mitten or nothing she's not rushing to put it down her hands are different than tender-handed women these days that need mitts and all type of gloves on my yeah i'm not gonna play fair i'm not gonna play for my kids and then i used to box So it's in the legs

You think it's in the hands, it's in the legs My footwork is still pretty good And then I'm going to bite him in his face It's all type of There's not a lot of rules to this I remember people saying that like old man strength People believe that You don't believe that?

You're an older man at this point. Just think about it. No. No, it's not real. It's still not real? Nope. No. No, strength is strength.

I've rolled with 18-year-old kids that were gorilla strong. And I've rolled with dudes who thought they had old man strength. And didn't. You're just an old man. Like, people want to have an advantage because of their situation. Like, as they get older, they want to go, oh, but I'm wiser. And didn't. You're just an old man. Like, people want to have an advantage because of their situation. Like, as they get older, they want to go, oh, but I'm wiser. And I understand. Like, you think it makes up for the fact that you're slower and your reaction time's shittier.

Then you remember what fucking Larry Holmes did to me. Oh, but that was sad. That was sad. And then you remember how mike tyson came back and destroyed larry holmes larry holmes wasn't even that old you know when he fought mike tyson i think he was like 37 36 37. i don't think he was that old he was that see he was a sparring partner for muhammad ali for like 10 years so he's like he wanted to beat out mohammed ali for all the years he booked his ass but mike tyson once once Muhammad Ali came in and said, get him for me.

And it was like, okay. Well, that was when Mike Tyson was just at the top of his fucking game. Like, it was just a matter of time with everybody that was in there for him. It was just seek and destroy. Seek and destroy. It was a matter of time until he got a hold of you. And I hated the Buster Douglas win because he literally beat Buster Douglas. He had him down.

He had him down, and it went to a 10 count. If the referee had counted 10 seconds, he would have won that fight. But the thing is, would Buster, if the referee had counted faster, would Buster have gotten up earlier? I think he would have. Because a smart man like him, Buster had a long career, right? So he was a real veteran. He knew stay down as long as you can.

You got dropped. If you get up at eight, just get up at eight. And so by the time they got to eight, in reality, it was probably like nine or ten. And then by the time they got to nine, he was up. But then Don King started complaining and and they they showed a clock like let's let's see a 10 second clock the thing is it should be a fucking clock it shouldn't be up to the referee because i've seen that before in fights where a referee would go one get back in the neutral corner yes two that's not two seconds that's like three seconds didn't i say stay in that corner i'm in the goddamn corner four yeah it shouldn't be at the referee's discretion to count slowly but

sometimes they do and sometimes they count quick too sometimes they don't like you they count quick yeah that and i hated that yeah both those things are not good i hate it because boxing is such like I have a passion for and I love watching actual fights and I like watching technical fights I'm not a cockfighter when it comes to boxing like it's called a sweet science for a reason

it's angles and it's slips like you love to watch somebody slip something and like ah I'm like see that body shot? He's not going. I guarantee he got two steps, and he's going to decide that he needs to take a break. Okay, I'm going to go down.

Like, Delahoye wanted to come out of that corner. That fucking body shot was too devastating. Well, Bernard, you're talking about Bernard Hopkins? Yeah, when he hit him with that left hook. Bernard was so much bigger than him he had no business fighting bernard that was a that was a fight also where bernard is the the best ever at extending his career deep into his late 40s and into 50 was still beating world-class guys which is crazy yeah and didn't look like he was on steroids either like it looked like he just

got there with skill and hard work and discipline and clean living like there's some guys that make it into their their later years and they look a little too good you're like what is going on there something's going on there but not with bernard bernard just looked the same always looked the same um discipline foreman foreman looked like what the fuck is you doing old ass big man I remember when he was 36 when he first started

coming back and he was more than 300 pounds and it was a joke everybody thought it was a joke until he fucked up Jerry Cooney

and then everybody was like what like holy shit like it wasn't just beat him just smashed him and then everybody was like oh my god

he might do it. And then when he knocked out Michael Moore and became the oldest ever heavyweight champion, people were like, how did this guy who was 300-plus pounds at 36, hadn't fought for 10 years, everybody was laughing, and now he's one of the most terrifying guys in the world? He had a decent-sized neck. Giant neck. He had a giant neck. Fists. He had a giant fist. He's a big, Foreman is a big dude. Even his

children are, I was speaking at this engagement and his son was there. And we did a side by side because Ali and, because his name is George too, because you know all are named George or Georgina.

And he is a he he was a huge young man I'm like yo that is definitely your father his hands George's hands were enormous you ever watch the fight where he knocked out Frazier he lifted him up with a punch

with a punch he With a punch. He came back down and he literally was in the same position as what's his name? What's his name that was doing the kneeling from Frisco? What's the dude named? The quarterback?

Oh, Kaepernick? Kaepernick. He was definitely in the Kaepernick position. The Kaepernick position. I wasick. He was definitely in the Kaepernick position. The Kaepernick position. I was like, yo, did he just fucking knock my man? Because I loved Frazier. I was like, yo, why is Frazier in the goddamn air? And now he's thinking like, oh, no, this is not good. And Ali was looking like, he was looking at TV.

I love that fights came on regular tv back then he was looking like yo somebody get anybody from frazier camp on the phone i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna get frazier fuck frazier i don't even fight him no more get george people on the phone for the whoop george and how would you come up with a plan like that and say i'm gonna i'm gonna take this abuse not only that people thought that he had no chance no like absolutely no chance they thought he had such a small chance of winning that hunter s thompson they flew him to zaire for the fight and he never left his hotel room he stayed in his hotel and he swam in the pool like he missed the assignment they flew him out there for rolling stone and he didn't want to see it. He literally didn't want to see it.

He missed. It's like one of the greatest failures of his career. Hunter S. Thompson missed watching Ali's greatest victory because he didn't think he had a chance. Crazy. Crazy. Could you imagine that? If somebody coming at you in the pool, backstroke,

and somebody coming at you, Ali just won. You're like, are you fucking kidding me? And there was no internet back then. He couldn't watch it. He couldn't watch it. So he fucked off his whole assignment. He was supposed to be there to explain,

to cover it. I think it was for Rolling Stone. Greatest fight you think you've ever seen? I've seen too many fights. I've professionally called probably seen too many fights. I've professionally called probably 2,000 fights. I don't even know how many fights I've, for working for the UFC.

And then on top of all the boxing matches that I've watched, I don't know. I've seen too many. There's so many of them that are amazing. Anderson Silva was, I think that's what gravitated me towards even watching MMA online. Now he had a moment in history there was like three or four years where he was

just in the matrix. He was untouchable. He had a moment where his highs were so high to this day I mean without a doubt one of the most impressive fighters I've ever seen in my life in his. But every fighter, they have this moment when they reach their peak. And with Anderson, when he was in his championship form, there was a time where he fought Forrest Griffin, where walking backwards knocked him out with a punch. And then he fought Stefan Bonner and literally put his back to the cage and was like come on just come and he threw a kick and anderson just just got out of the way it was standing right in front of him that eventually stopped him he was stopping everybody

it was just a matter of time it was a matter of him finding out your rhythm in the beginning of the fight he would just move around move around. Just feel you. Feel how you move. And then somewhere in the middle of the first round, he would start moving on you. A minute or two, bang. And just testing you. How do you react to this? And then next thing you know, you're getting fucked up. And you don't even know where these shots are coming from. And he's insanely accurate.

I was a fan of his before he got to the UFC, too. So I got to call his UFC debut. And I remember it was one of those fights where people didn't really know who he was. And I had to go, you are in for a fucking treat because this guy's on another planet. Like just watch. This is a different kind of striker. This dude is, I mean, he was in his prime when he came to the UFC. It was perfect transition because he had had some really good fights in Japan and good fights in England. But in England, he sort of came into his own.

And then the UFC caught him right when he had reached his peak. It was perfect. It was fucking insane to even watch him. And what was his guy? He was one of the first guys I watched. Chris Lieben was probably the first one. Chris Lieben was a brawler. And he was perfect for Anderson because he just came fucking guns blazing, charging at Anderson.

And Anderson just picked his spots. Just move, move, move, picked his spots. Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. And then cracked him. It was amazing. And then Rich Franklin, who was the champion, he destroyed him twice. He was on another planet back then, man. What was the white guy that had the mohawk they used to um he was he was chuck liddell chuck liddell he was

chuck liddell was way bigger than i thought when i saw him in vegas he was just he was just knotted up like like yo just he and he was with he was with this little chick. It looked like she had to work out because she was with him. Like, yo, both of them fucking, because he was like, yo, I said, this is a kind of thick white guy right here. He just fucking nodded the fuck up. Like, it's always amazing when I see people who I think that's not supposed to be that big.

Like, I didn't think he was going to be that big andre johnson um the receiver i didn't think he was that big because i saw other offensive players before running backs i'm like yo look at this small ass like yo i'm running back for the for the dollars cap was like you like you running like i'm running back to like 165 pounds. They look, but they look huge on, like, I'm running like, oh, this dude's small as hell. But when I saw Andre Johnson, I was like, yo, you, it's no way to fuck, you're like a fucking defensive end. You like Warren Sapp right now. Like, and Sapp is a fucking huge ass dude. Bobby Taylor wasn't a big receiver for the Eagles.

He wasn't a big dude. Like, what, you 6'4", 6'5"? But you not a big dude. Like, the dudes who's trying to tackle you to safety, he's way bigger than you. He's trying to destroy you. And then I saw a guy was doing Pilates, which seems like the weakest workout in the world, but it's not. It's hard. Pilates's hard.

Pilates is hard. I'm glad you said it. Because, see, people will say, I say Pilates, you're like fucking doing the ladies shit. Like, yo, go to Pilates, and you have a good Pilates instructor. I guarantee you have a different respect for Pilates. Pilates is fucking hard as hell, depending on how much shit they clamp on. You know Sergey Kovalev, the former light heavyweight champion? Yes. That was one of the things he did, was Pilates. He was really into Pilates is fucking hard as hell. Depending on how much shit they clamp on. You know Sergey Kovalev, the former light heavyweight champion? Yes.

That was one of the things he did, was Pilates. He was really into Pilates. When he was a crusher, when he was destroying everybody. Before Andre Ward got to him, he was lighting everybody on fire. And that was one of his big workouts. He was really into the range of motion that you got from Pilates. Kovalev, before he fell apart, was a scary fucking dude. Scary dude.

Killed a guy in a fight in Russia. I believe it was Russia. But killed a guy in a professional fight. Didn't affect him at all. Like a lot of times when someone kills someone in a fight, they're really never the same again. I like the way you translated that. Killed a guy. Didn't affect him at all.

Didn't. Didn't. He was still fucking people up. Eating pudding the next day. He didn't give him at all didn't didn't he was still fucking people up eating pudding the next day yeah it was shit with his children he seemed like a dude who was just mean just enjoyed fucking people up just enjoyed it and you know in his prime he was a scary motherfucker like scary but apparently drank a lot partied just just you know towards the end of his career i mean he's still fighting, towards the end of his career. I mean, he's still fighting, but towards the end of his career,

like long before Canelo got to him, you know, it just was too much, too much partying, apparently, too much drinking. But he did a lot of Pilates. Canelo, man. He was a good fighter. He was a really good fighter. Canelo was, like, what is he, 28 or something like that? He's so fucking young and still won multiple different world titles

and right now might be the best fucking guy in boxing. I mean, there's like a few guys. There's like four or five guys. Terrence Crawford, for my money, I think he's number one. Terrence Crawford. I think he's number one. Goddamn right. And then you got to look at Teofimo Lopez after he beat Lomachenko

because everybody thought Lomachenko was pound for pound number one, and Lopez beat him. Okay. You know, there's a few other guys in that range, you know. Regis Provis is coming up. He just won a little fight. But Crawford man he's so good and he's one of the best

switch hitters he can switch southpaw on you he'll start off orthodox switch to southpaw start off southpaw switch to orthodox and fight just as good from both sides and the skill of it. It's just very, very skilled.

Very, very skilled fighter. And I think so many people on cockfights that they get around the skill of the side. When you see somebody really doing it. Like if you're watching Anderson Silva and you're watching what he's doing versus somebody coming in. I'm just feeling just ball. We we going to the ground with it. It's a different thing, but it's very jiu-jitsu. You submit somebody, you get somebody. It's somebody really good on the ground, though.

It's a lot of people that's really good on the ground. Yeah, it's a different kind of technical. It's a different thing. But I appreciate technical striking and I appreciate technical ground guys. But the thing that gets me about Crawford is he's both. He's technical, but he also fucks people

up. Like the Kell Brook fight. He just figured him out, just tried to find it, and then dropped him with a fucking jab. A right jab. Pop! And then once he had him hurt, it's like, you're done. he's got crazy killer instinct how did how did you feel when you was watching when you watched floyd did you watch i loved floyd i still think he's the best ever because nobody's been hit less you go over his

career the guy's been hit hard maybe four times over 50 fights really in trouble maybe four times and then survived every one of them i was already fond of you, but this is how things transition. A lot of people say, ah, Floyd, but you're not supposed to get. I don't know any boxing coach that say, look, when you throw this jab, make sure you take the jab that he's going to throw. It's not. Why do you think it fucking slips? Yeah. You're not trying to get hit.

And I think what Floyd does to dismantle someone is the damn training. The training of it, he's fighting. I'm doing 15 rounds. I'm training. I'm doing 15 rounds i'm going i'm training i'm doing 15 rounds i'm fighting multiple different people in this 15 rounds different weight classes and i'm not sitting down i'm not everybody else can take a break but me and then i'm finna go run after this shit and the crazy thing is he's going to do that today yeah with no fight plan no ain't shit on the calendar he's going to do that today he doesn't get out of shape ever the crazy thing is he trains the same time every day that he that he would be fighting so you didn't you didn't

need to rest and all this other shit is like's like, yo, this is his natural time. Like, yo, I'm coming at my natural time that I would already be in the gym. 9.30, 10 p.m., he's in the gym. I want to hear. You ever see videos of Floyd leaving a club at 2 in the morning and running home? So he has a security drive, his Rolls Royce, and he's running in his jeans on. Running, just getting in miles. Like, he never gets out of shape

never never gets out of shape and he'll he'll like people think it's funny he'll like drink a coke or coca-cola after he works out like what is he he's eating garbage drinking coca-cola well actually he's fucking smart because when you've had a brutal workout like he has he works out for hours yeah simple sugars actually bring glycogen back into the muscles it's actually good for you to do that people think it's crazy but if you work out like long hard sessions you could use some sugar it's actually good for you he knows what the fuck he's doing and all he's got to do is maintain him little brittle hands like well that's when he

became more of a defensive guy right because he broke his hand so many times you go back to the pretty boy floyd days he would just fuck people up. But he just kept breaking his hands. He hurt his hands multiple times. But, you know, look, you look at the guy's skill. He figures everybody out. Even if he has, like, a little trouble in the beginning, like Sugar Shane caught him. Sugar Shane caught him.

But then a little bit later, he's fucking Shane up, and Shane can't do shit to him. Because he figured out his timing. He figured out where he's safe and, he's fucking Shane up. And Shane can't do shit to him because he figured out his timing. He figured out where he's safe and where he's not safe. And then he starts imposing his will on him. And he did that to everybody. Floyd gets literally right here. Like, this is how I can let you get this. And you're not going to hit me.

And you're like. It's like. Where'd he go? And it's devastating to watch somebody. I've made so much money off of people who just wanted to see Floyd lose. That's what he does. He gets you so mad. He gets you so mad that you're not paying to see him win.

You're paying to see someone fuck him up. He's like the cowboys. This is why the cowboys are the most watched team. I'm a watch whether I'm hoping that they lose, and I'm watching for them to lose. There's people that's watching for them to win, but I'm sitting there. I wouldn't give a damn if they was playing a high school team.

I just don't want the fucking Cowboys to win. I fucking hate the Cowboys. I've always hated the Cowboys. I can't remember one time in my life that I ever said, I like the Cowboys. I fucking hate the Cowboys. I can't remember one time in my life that I ever said, I like the Cowboys. I fucking hate the Cowboys. I would literally go with anyone other than the Cowboys. That's hilarious.

I just hate them. I've always hated them. That's how people feel about Floyd, but they buy all his pay-per-views. Hoping. Hoping. It's going to be Manny Pacquiao. He's going to be the one. Ricky Hatton's going to be the one. Ricky Hatton.

The most money I think I ever made was Ricky Hatton. Ricky Hatton was the one. People thought he was the one. And I kept thinking, what are y'all watching? Did y'all think fucking Ricky Hatton is the one? They just didn't understand boxing.

No, no. Did you see Ricky Haddon's training session? Yeah. It's fine. I did. Well, he's a great fighter. No doubt about it. But the difference is Floyd's movement and his skill and his ability to shoulder roll.

He was levels above everybody and learned it from the time he was a baby. He was levels above everybody and learned it from the time he was a baby. You know, with his Uncle Roger and his dad. His dad who fought Sugar Ray Leonard back when Sugar Ray was in his prime and gave him a good fight. There was so much boxing knowledge in his house. His daddy could have beat Sugar Ray if his daddy would have let his brother train. That's crazy. Like, yo, let me train you.

I know Sugar. Let me train you. But the funniest thing is you can't understand shit Roger got to say sometimes. Roger, damn it, damn it, damn it. Well, one thing that Roger said that people always use is a quote, most people don't know shit about boxing. That's so true because most people, it looks so simple. Right hand, left hand, hook, uppercut. I get it.

But no, there's so much going on. It's like a, you know what? It's like two people getting in an argument. They both speak English, but one dude is just way better at talking. And you go, I know how to talk. I'm going to fuck this dude up. But no, you don't. No, you don't.

You think you know how to talk. You think. But you don't know how to talk like a goddamn professional comedian. You ever talk to Roland Martin? No. Roland Martin is the worst person in the world to talk to if you don't know shit. Even if you know some shit, Roland is. you even if you know some rolling is okay so i'm quite sure you heard about ice cube with the

black people's agenda with trump when he was talking to trump so it's an administration where roland martin interviewed ice cube and he was trying to ask ice cube so um like what happened you know how did you get it and ice you trying to explain what Cube, so, like, what happened? You know, how did you get it? And Ice Cube tried to explain to him, people wanted to talk to me, and so, you know, we wanted to talk to everybody, so we talked to Trump people, and he said he was going to take someone without my agenda and put it to his agenda.

And Roden was like, okay, so he asked Ice Cube, Okay, so he asked Ice Cube, what in your agenda is mirrored in the Trump agenda? Trump agenda is one page, and then your agenda is 10 pages, and then the Biden agenda is 200 pages. So this right there lets you know that he's read all the agendas cube just know the man has told you how many goddamn pages and shit is each one and cube's like well you have to read it and roland was like i i have read it and that's why i said what what mirrors and i didn't think ice cube know what mirror meant like i think that was the part that was getting him like what you mean with me he said so he said, well, on this agenda, and I see Roland, like, on this agenda, it is this many steps.

Which one of these steps came from your agenda? And they placed over here. Ice Cube is so frustrated with these questions, this line of questioning and asking him, well, what did, don't ask Roland what he did. Don't do that. So Ice Cube had to break down

and say, man, I'm an artist. So this is the defense? So your whole defense is now that you're an artist and this is Roland that's trying to explain to him, yes, you're a fucking artist. I am a political person and this is what you don't

understand before you try to give somebody the goddamn agenda for what black people you might want to get with all the other people who've been working on things of this nature this is what i'm trying to explain to you i was sitting there like he dismantled cube to the point that cube just had to yell out that he's an artist i'm'm a goddamn rapper. Don't ask me no fucking more technical questions. Why do you think people that are rappers or people that are artists or comics or singers or whatever, actors, why do you think they want to inject themselves

into political discussions when they really don't know what the fuck they're talking about and go on all these talk shows, go on CNN? Why do you think they do that? I think that they have been emboldened and empowered by people who listen to their music or their their form of entertainment and I can listen to you and like what you do and still can tell you I don't think that's complete I don't think that's a whole complete thought right but some of these people are enabled by even if they have an incomplete thought, people, did you hear what?

Too many yeses. Like, I watched this thing with Killer Mike. Like, I've watched T.I. and Meek Mills and people talk about shit. And I'm sitting there like, no, I don't think that any of that's complete. But, like, Killer Mike had this thing where he was supposed to live black all day. What I was, people was praising this thing. And so I went to go watch it. And the most disheartening thing about it was for me, he has a white rap partner and he met up with him in this other

city where he was supposed to do everything that was to the black so they in an interview it's like me and you interviewing me right now and i and i lean over to my white business partner. Hey, tell Joe I can't talk to white people right now because everything I'm supposed to be doing is strictly black. And the white guy says, well, he would love to answer those questions, but he's living black completely, so he can't do it. And I'm confused. The whole shit is stormed this is the part that's stormed now what was the song it's on Netflix

and Killer Mike I'm like you're talking to a white guy at his establishment doing an interview you're telling another white guy to tell this white guy that you can't talk to him this shit is stupid I'm sitting there like this is fucking

stupid now like now now I'm pissed that I even wasted my time watching Killer Mike trying to live black I get the overall gist of it but this is the part right here that I don't fucking get right now. This shit that's going on right now.

You're telling a white guy to tell another white guy that you can't talk to him because he's fucking white. I'm done. Okay. I've wasted my time. And I like Killer Mike. Then I went to go do NPR radio in Atlanta. I run into Killer Mike. And he's going to do the interview.

I'm going to do the interview, I'm going to do the interview and I don't have time to tell him, yo, I want to talk to you about this shit you did on Netflix. Everything else was good, then you got to this goddamn retarded ass part and now I'm confused. Now I'm confused. Now you've taken all what you did

now you've made this shit stupid. Just don't go do the interview. For you to tell another white guy, to tell this white guy, I can't talk to him because he's white. And you can see the white guy's face looking like, but you're... But they knew they were going to talk to that guy in advance. Since y'all filming. Since y'all filming, since y'all are filming, I'm going to decide the white guy that was doing the interview looking like, since everyone's filming,

I'm just going to play along and sit here. That's probably a Netflix producer's idea. That doesn't seem like it makes a lot of sense. And Killer Mike is smart as fuck. He's smart. I don't he he's smart and i don't understand how he fell into that i i think that even with with a lot of people i think harry belafonte and the the all the the black renaissance of the civil rights movement where you had Kareem and you had Jim Brown and you had, um,

um, the brother green and all these people who were actors and athletes, Muhammad Ali standing up for things. Every artist thinks that they're going to be put in that position. Well, I'm, I'm gonna be the spokesperson for the issues. But you haven't read, you didn't read your last actual contract.

Somebody else read it for you and told you what to sign and, you know, and told you the logistics of it. Sometimes if you're not connected to a community why would you speak on that community and then you have people like myself who look at it like this you moved so you don't have you don't have the right because you moved you you you haven't been in this position in a long time and nor do you help this this position it's like when when people got mad at bill cosby about when the black community got mad at him about saying well you need to read more and x y and z well he had the fucking right to say that because he had donated more money to historically black colleges and put more black kids in college and had a show that want that

made black kids go to college with different world in order to say those things because he was like you know i'm not only am i saying it I'm helping the position of saying it. But when you I don't need no goddamn backpacks or toy drives and shit like that just in December or November and shit like that, because people suffering and struggling year round. I'm not just struggling in November or December. What about when that people just need putting things in the community that people need? Like I was i was definitely against teachers walking out for more pay i was that shit was enraged and my kids my kids are homeschooled so i was enraged by teachers walking out for more pay but you won't walk out for a better curriculum for children when american children as a whole we the fucking dumbest people in the fucking world at

this point when it comes to our kids you 28th in math you 29th in science you 36 in reading you reading it you read on a fucking third grade level and you graduating from high school but well the curriculum is bad but you won't walk out for a curriculum. You'll walk out for more money. You don't give a shit about these kids learning or this these people learning in this country. You can't be the most powerful country if you're not the smartest. So then when you have a bunch of people that's not smart, you have people that can be fucking duped into anything because they don't they don't become thinkers. They just become doers. Like it is this. Let me. I don't know who the fuck q is and i've tried to figure it out i don't know what

q anon yeah q anon like they don't even know who q is not they've abandoned that they abandoned it now i think people feel so do you even pay attention i've i feel so duped after trump left office and after the capitol hill riots everybody's like what but the whole fact that you when i first read about q and nobody knew who he was i was like yeah well there's a lot of things you just said that i agree with and i i get what you're saying about teachers and curriculums and and pay but how does a teacher get more pay and i think they deserve more pay i think it's one of the most underappreciated parts of our lives is the people that teach our children. And it's crazy when you find out how little they make to teach children, which is one of the most important things that our society

can ever possibly provide as a service is education of the young people. Give them a chance to look at things in a way where they're going to see problems before they actually do them, where they're going to look at the world through an understanding of history, understand how we got here, why it works wrong, and what you can do to avoid all the pitfalls that all these other people that have fucked up their lives have fallen into. Yeah, I agree with you on all those accounts. I think they should be paid more, but I think the curriculum should be way better too. And I don't know why we don't put more emphasis into it. I don't know what the solution is.

But that's only one of the problems, right? The other problem is people that are growing up in a community that's traditionally been fucked. They've been fucked by violence. They've been fucked by crime. It's around you all the time. Drug addiction, drug sales. That's the world world you live in and people imitate their atmosphere so that's fucked and we don't put any emphasis on that either administration after admit like this is one of the things that drove me crazy about the pandemic the pandemic was terrible right when they started talking about

pumping in all the stimulus money to all these businesses and trillions of dollars why couldn't they do that to inner cities why couldn't they do that to baltimore why can't they do that to detroit why can't you do that to the south side of chicago why can't they recognize so you got an inordinate amount of crime and violence coming from this one particular area and by the way it's been that way for decades and decades and decades it doesn't fucking change and year after year politicians talk a lot of shit and nothing gets done that's a epidemic that's a pandemic that's damn sure and if you fixed it the whole world would be better this i've always said this what's the best you want to make america great what's the best way less losers less losers less people Less losers. Less losers. Less people that are fucked from the jump.

Invest in the most important thing, the most important commodity of a country should be its citizens. Yes. I should want you healthy. Yes. I should want you smart. Yes. I should want you fed. Yes. I should want you at peace.

And feel like you're a part of something. And feel like you're a part of it. And that increases everything in this particular country so the reason why politicians don't don't do that is because the same people who want to speak for the community don't fucking live in the community they don't live there so you don't and then the other thing about all politicians are crooked now once you once you put this propaganda out there all politicians are crooked i get it me and you from the same if me and you are from the exact same neighborhood, the exact same neighborhood. So I know your disposition. I'm running for something.

And, you know, you actually know me from this neighborhood. I'm running for a position in our neighborhood. neighborhood, I'm running for a position in our neighborhood. So when you put me in position, I'm from this particular neighborhood. So I know what you need. And my door is always open because I'm from this neighborhood. Now you can come ask me for whatever. And I know what you need. I know that you need this infrastructure. I know that you need these programs. But if you put people in position that don't, that's not from from this community that don't give a shit about this community. I'm just in here for a money grab and in position stepping stone to get to something else and not and not actually come into the community and see what I actually need. A lot of police violence is because these cops are not from this neighborhood.

is because these cops are not from this neighborhood it's hard it's hard for me to do something to you when i know your parents right i know you i know your family i grew up they they don't even call me officer nothing i'm little ali um carol's son you know regardless i got a uniform or not and i'm cool with that you know what i'm saying i i think policing should always be either like um mayberry or like sanford the son i in sanford the cop the cop always came it was white black cop white cop they would always come and it was never it wasn't for no violence or nothing or no, they just, hey Fred, just showing up in the community and teaching his counterpart how this community works.

So when you have that, I've been in positions where I've been dead to the fucking wrong. The cops that show up, they went to school with me. They like, oh shit. So I don't want to take you to jail. So I don't want to take you to jail. And I don't want to take you to jail.

So how are we going to work this out? I can't take you to jail. God damn it. My son go to the same barbershop with your son. I'm going to see you later. So I can't take you to jail. So how are we going to work this out? So it's an understanding.

I've been in that position because the people that's police in my community are from the community. It's so many different problems that we have. I'm still confused about how we don't want health care for each other. How you don't want to be healthy? I don't want nobody else to be fucking sick. So if everybody said, like, this pandemic should have taught us this. How do you go to comedy shows? How do people do anything

if people are fucking sick? You trapped in the house. So, I don't think that we want enough. I think the people that's in the position don't want the same thing for the communities that the communities want. And I think that it's not a dialogue either. Most people don't know where to go do they community grievances that they don't go

to the meetings because life i think the dialogue has to be countrywide i think part of the thing is looking at people in other communities and seeing their problems go we don't have that problem we have health care you know that's not my. I'm not spending money for their fucking health care. People get crazy. They lose perspective. We're supposed to be a team. The United States is supposed to be a team. We should be one giant community that's made of a bunch of separate communities. But the problem is when we start looking at things that don't –

look, imagine – this is what I've said to people that oppose all ideas of any democratic socialist idea. This is one of the things I say. What about the fire department? Imagine if you had to pay for the fire department. Imagine if you're like, well, fuck them. We pay for our fire department. Let that city burn. That would be crazy talk, right?

That would be crazy talk. I just imagine somebody's house right next to my house burning down and they like and i'm like you should have paid for your fire department you should have paid your bill thirty dollars charles you can't pay thirty dollars a month it's kind of the same thing this is how i look at it it's a service that we all chip in and we expect to be provided for us it's the same thing in my mind. It's like healthcare. It's like if there's one thing that we need to take care of for the entire community,

it's like when you get sick, you should be taking care. You shouldn't go bankrupt. If one thing that got exposed during this pandemic was, first of all, hospital beds. There's not enough fucking hospital beds. That is crazy. When something bad happens, like a pandemic, and you get an influx of people three four hundred percent more than normal and everything shuts down they can't do anything and no one knows what to do well you got an understaffed problem you got an under hospitalization problem and then i found out that hospitals are mostly private businesses

and i'm like what i didn't know that i thought hospitals were like we pay for the hospitals i didn't i didn't think about it because i've had insurance most of my life you know when you have a problem you go to the doctor you the insurance pays it but i didn't think who fucking runs this place because this run by the state exactly you're not going to the county hospital the hospitals health care all of that should be covered as a part of being a member in the community the same way the fire department's covered exactly because if the fucking people get sick and then that shit spreads like it did look what happens the whole country burns down that's kind of what happened that's exactly what exactly what happened and the idea that you

shouldn't contribute to other people's health well what are we doing then we're contributing to the cops and the streets and the bridges and all the infrastructure and the electrical and the grid we're contributing to all that but we don't contribute it to health care it sounds to me insane shit doesn't make any sense shit as far as what i've read we're not contributing to damn infrastructure because you got all these bridges and shit that haven't been maintenance since they were constructed yeah that's crazy that a bridge hadn't been taken care of since 1805 it's like something jamie what's up i heard something recently about the hospital profit thing too i just looked it up it says only about 21 percent of profit or hospitals are for profit

well how many of them are private 21 percent 20 percent or so are state owned and then 21 which is like 50 are non-profit religious entity hospitals oh religious entity hospitals not all of them are religious but like that's that right so they they work off of donors like how do they how do they survive i just heard someone explaining that whole like the myth of like people getting money for like late uh labeling covet deaths oh that kind of thing they're like just so you know this is how this works they broke it all down the money it was like a long video explaining it's it's not really for profit yeah that's not entirely what i was talking about what i was talking about more is that these, they're private companies that own a lot of hospitals, a lot of hospitals.

I don't know. They're not run by the government. Maybe the government wouldn't do the best job of that. But the idea is that I feel like, and this is, I mean, we're getting into the weeds, but what I feel like is it should be a part of being a citizen.

Like your, your healthcare, like when people are poor i've been poor when i was a kid we were on welfare we ate powdered milk we were on food stamps like i i know what it's like to be a child and wonder what it's what you're going to do for dinner i wonder i remember that i remember that feeling it's like stuck in my head but the the idea that we should let people just starve when other people have money because they should figure it out what about kids like what about children like what about then that's the same way i feel

about education the same way i feel about health care like if we're contributing if we're paying taxes we pay especially if you live in california you pay a lot of fucking taxes where's the money going what are we doing with it because if you don't have those bases covered if you don't have health care covered like like, why not? Like, it's got to be the most important thing because if people are sick and then they can't pay and they go bankrupt, everything gets fucked. The whole system gets fucked. And then some people don't get the care they deserve and they fucking die. They don't get the care they need and they die.

Well, is it that hard to give them that care? It's not. This could be a part of our national expenses but everybody's resisting any new national expenses any new taxes they resist it but think about how much money goes in the fucking military industrial complex think about how much money goes to wars that we don't agree with think about how much money goes to all kinds of fucking weird government programs that are probably useless. You can't imagine refunding that into health care?

You don't think that would be better for the whole country? That's crazy. I think a place that throws away more food in a day than more countries produce in a year could be able to afford health care. We could do a lot better. There's another problem. The same problem that's going on with California is a problem with the United States in general. There's too many of us. It's hard. You're governing 320 million fucking people.

And at least 1% of them are out of their fucking minds. And that was what we saw at the Capitol. That storming of the Capitol, you know what a lot of that was? When people talk about the president inciting people here's what he did for sure he told them they need to show a show of strength when you're saying that and you know that there's a lot of unhinged motherfuckers out there you're giving them the green light there's a certain percentage of people that will just go ham if you tell them it's time to go ham that's inciting violence that's inciting violence i i don't think i don't think he understands what that even means.

Do you understand? People were climbing a fucking wall. And falling. And falling backwards. First of all, I want to mousse his head with some horns and I'm like yo at some point I've been in a position

and said to my friend we fucking look crazy we look crazy out here what we doing I remember the Rodney King the Rodney King riots me and my partner Big Hoo trying to set off the riot in Houston.

We ain't even made this shit right. It's like this gas in a bottle. We trying to throw it on this building and I'm lighting it and I'm seeing my fire go out right before it's in the building.

I just turned to Big Hoo. I said, hey, man, we fucking look stupid. He's like, man, let's go home and watch Def Jam. Because we just felt like at some point somebody got to tell you, hey, man, we fucking look stupid. Do you know we took a barrier and made a ladder to go over the Capitol wall? We're on, y'all know this is a federal offense, right? They needed at least six ex-cons out there to be like, yo, yo, y'all do know it's a fucking federal offense.

You know how many of those dudes are going to go to jail forever? There's a lot of those guys that are going to go to jail for a long fucking time. You know how crazy you look to go, you in the Senate. Shirtless. And you just fucking flipping through pages with your cell phone. We're in here. Taking selfies. Are you fucking crazy?

Yeah. I'm like, yo, I'd have been so messed up. I'm like, yo. You see the video of the security guard talking to the guys as they walk into the Senate? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, hey, guys, you know, come on. What are we doing here? And the guy's like hey guys well you know come on what are we

doing here and the guy's i'm just gonna take a picture up here shirtless by the way when you find out about the guy the guy with the uh the antlers on his head or the horns on his head that guy lived with his mom and he believed in q anon he believed that there was like pedophiles there were like fucking kids in the basement of the capitol. He believed crazy FBI pedophile shit. He believed the nuttiest of things, was constantly ranting about it, unemployed actor, lives with his parents in his 30s. These are the people. These are the people that you can tell them, time to show them who's the boss.

And he's doing it completely selfishly. He thinks somehow or another he's going to get the election results overturned. That's the part. Yeah. It's almost like he doesn't believe that people don't like him. It's crazy because so many people do like him. He doesn't believe that a larger number don't like him, despite all the evidence. I think that I think

Unfortunately Unfortunately I was asked Do you think that Do you think those people are smart I said I'm not saying that they They smart I'm not saying that they not smart I'm going to say this We live in a place

That when you When people get time on their hands And they not actually readers and they don't listen to the whole thing you get what you get what happened in 1975 and he's like what's that somebody could become a millionaire by selling a pet rock i said that's what the fuck you got i I remember the pet rock. That was the dumbest fucking thing of all time. People were paying for a rock in a cardboard box. Literally out of nowhere.

And what brought that to my attention, I remember my dad. Like we said, you learn things when you're young and you just don't. My dad said, son, we don't live in a smart place. I said, why you say that? He said, because somebody in this country made $3 million by selling a rock. I said, to who? He said, to people that live in this country. I said, oh, shit.

A rock? You could have told me he he pulls it up and like look this man made oh i'm like oh just a rock it's just a rock he's like yeah you were too young to remember that right i was only two at the time so he he i think i was eight i remember it i remember not getting it at all i remember looking at it the same way i looked at that kid who told me, forget you ever met me. Like, what? What? You know I already have one of these, right? Yeah, you can get them anywhere.

This is not like a basketball or a bicycle or a fucking Frisbee. It's hard to get a Frisbee. You want to make a Frisbee? Good luck. Do you know how to make plastic? How do you put it together? You know, you got to buy a fucking Frisbee. But a pet rock?

You can give it. Here's your pet rock. Where's the box? It comes in. Dad, this is a fake one. Yeah. There's a certain percentage of people that are just dumb as fuck. You can't do anything about that.

You can't. And they're not going to. Right. They're not going to listen to even if i've watched i watched something and they was saying this is going to happen and it didn't happen and the man said well i didn't mean it was going to happen this day it's going to happen on this day well that didn't happen yeah well it's gonna happen on this day with that how long like how much more it depends on how dumb you are if you're smart immediately like get the fuck out of here this guy doesn't know and then when it proves that

he doesn't know then you get a certain level of people like oh i thought he knew and then a certain level like well maybe maybe the Lord's testing us. And then another level, when he doesn't know again, there's a few that are like, well, I'm not going to lose faith. And then you get dumber and dumber and dumber until you get yourself down to people that would drink the poison Kool-Aid. That's what you get. You get to that lower crust.

You know what you're talking about when you met George Foreman's kids and how big they were? That's just genes, bro. That's genes. You know? You and talking about when you met George Foreman's kids and how big they were? That's just genes, bro. That's genes. You know? You and I are short. Some people are big. Some people are dumb as fuck.

And there's not a lot they can do about that. And people want to pretend that's not true, but I've met geniuses. You know, I've talked to Elon Musk. You talk to him, you're like, oh. Oh, you get it. Okay. You are just like another thing. You and me are not.

The evolutionary branch, I'm like down here. He are just like another thing. You and me are not. The evolutionary branch, I'm like down here. He's way to fuck up. We're different. We're a different thing. That's with everything, man. That's with eyesight. That's with everything.

Some people are just dumb, man. And if you can trick those people. That's like when you watch Late Night Evangelist. I'll never forget that dude, Robert Paulson. Is that his name? The guy with the slick back hair i never forget this he goes every time you write a check to me satan gets a black eye i was crying laughing i couldn't believe how funny that was every time you write a check to me satan gets a black eye just thinking about people going oh satan you are getting a shiner this evening there's dumb fucking people out there man you can't save them you can't do anything and they're

out there voting they're out there driving cars they're doing the same shit we do they go to the convenience store they're out there and we're not even smart right i mean we're smart compared to dummies but we're not we're not inventing new solar panels it is i really do support her i'm like yo man i see i know one thing you don't believe in trump you must be one of you but you're believing aliens i'm like yeah it's more facts Yeah. It's more facts. It's a lot more likely.

You do know that there's other existence out there. I don't think all these other planets is just for show. Like, we just need it. Hey, you know what we need? We need something other out there to be hanging around other than Earth. I just think it's other things out there. For sure. Because I believe in the unseen yeah and so but i also can listen to something and know like that's the dumbest argument ever you don't believe in trump you believe in aliens like what no wait a minute i believe trump's a real thing i believe he's i've seen him he's a

real thing i've seen him in person he's definitely a real thing i saw him at i've seen him he's a real thing i see him in person he's definitely a real thing i saw him at a ufc fight came in sat down i saw him i said this i said this is why i said let me tell you the difference i don't believe that he knows what he's doing and then i believe that he knows what he's doing for certain people i it's like the tricks of things and it's easy to dupe people that don't listen to the whole thing we're we're getting i'm going to give historically black colleges 250 million dollars is $250 million. Okay. But I'm also going to relinquish Pell Grants.

Wait a minute. Pell Grants. 90% of African American children go to college off of Pell Grants, which is probably about $2.5 billion worth of money that you got rid of. But you gave 250 what what happened again that's not the same hold on i got a question i have a question so you didn't and then

in the in the course of giving you this money it's a it's the most still some more shit i want you to stop saying anything about slavery anything about that part of that happened that didn't happen in america i want you to stop teaching that shit but what what did he ask people to stop teaching that it was a part it was a it was going to be a curriculum change what wait a minute curriculum changes stop discussing slavery they wanted you to stop painting the picture as if America did something to African-American people. What? Really? For 200.

That sounds insane. Really? Yeah. How could you forget that part of history? That sounds insane. That sounds literally insane. But just think about it. Yeah.

that sounds insane that sounds literally insane but just think about it yeah there's american history and then there's black history month where we are in right now there's american history in my mind i'm like no there's fucking history and black people are all through this shit it is no it's no separation of this like okay, okay, when did you start? When did America start? Was we here or not here? You can't start this shit without us. Like, we was here. Right.

Like, what happened? Okay, when did you not see me? I just want to know. So you started the history, and you didn't want to include. It's the same goddamn history. Yeah. You can't. But, no this is american history and then there's black history well don't you think it's to compensate

for the fact that they understand and appreciate that america was founded with slavery and it was incredibly unequal from the jump until 1865. And then even after 1865, you got Jim Crow laws. It took decades and decades. The Civil Rights Movement is a long fucking time before it even shows a semblance of equality. Took a long time. So the idea, I think, is to compensate for that in some way by introducing this shortest month of the year and focusing which was on blackest I used to actually be I used to ask to

be pissed about that some people are pissed about that it is kind of ironic but but couldn't make it January let me tell you why I'm not pissed now. Okay. So the guy who came up with Black History Month, Carter, he Mr. Wilson, he, it was actually a week in February. It was just a week. And then it lobbied for

a month. And the only reason that it's in February, because he placed it in the month that his two idols were born in. Which is, Black History Month February because he placed it in the month that his two idols were born in. Black History Month is after Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln because

it was their birthdays in February. That's the only reason I get that shit a pass. Because I understand what he was going for. So it's unfortunate that it happened because it used to be just a week and all weeks are the same length.

Yeah, unfortunately, his damn idols were born and fell. If we had idols born in January, we'd have been on it. But he didn't. But I don't think that you can separate the two when it comes to that because it's but if they took it away people would be pissed oh they definitely yeah that's the that's the flip side of popcorn now okay

it's the shortest month of the year but if i didn't have it if you want to see black people fucking blow up take it away no we're all equal it's the same history show up to february and and don't nobody say no more okay what we're doing is this no more black history month of february it's just all what history that you think we're not going for that we're like nah i'm gonna take i'm gonna take the 29th well they've made some corrections in my lifetime and one of the things they did is they got rid of columbus day right columbus day day yeah yeah columbus day is not columbus day anymore what is it well i think they're calling it indigenous people's day right is that what they're calling columbus day is that right jamie i'm pretty sure it depends on where

you are indigenous people my kids school they they do not say Columbus Day. Indigenous People Day. I typed it in. It still comes up. Well, Columbus was a real piece of shit. And what drove me crazy is, how did you guys not know this? That was a long time ago. That was 1492. I went to high school in the 80s.

How come you didn't tell me then? You had to know. Like, they had to know. They had to know. Columbus was a fucking serial killer he was a murderer man yeah i mean they would they would take native americans they would find them and they would uh they would bring them some gold and they would say you have to bring me back more gold or i'm gonna chop your fucking arm off and they would do it in front of everybody like okay you

don't bring me any gold watch this everybody chop a dude's arm off and and and murder him and then say bring me fucking gold like they did horrible shit there was a missionary that traveled with columbus and he wrote a journal and in his journal they talked about taking babies and bashing their heads on rocks in front of the native americans they talked about the horrific shit that they did to these people that they found there raping and murdering and pillaging just taking anything they wanted and it's amazing so it took until what like 2010 or some shit like that before people go hey i've been looking into this columbus guy and uh maybe we shouldn't have a fucking holiday about this guy. It's. See if we can find some of the horrors that Columbus did. Because it's shocking. When you.

This is like historically documented accounts by eyewitnesses. Who were there. When he pulled up. And with the Pinta. The Santa Maria. And the whatever. The fucking boat. And the horrific shit that they did to the people that they found there.

It's documented. Him and King Lepo. Yeah, him and the king who did that to the Congo. He fucked the Congo up. He literally was cutting their hands off.

Columbus did this with gold. He did this with fucking rubber trees. Oh. King Leopold II. It's like it has to be in like tens of millions of Congolese people that he just fucking just slaughtered for rubber trees. For rubber trees. It's been some people that like mass majority people you say that about columbus they don't they have no idea like what do you mean yeah like yo columbus was was i think

they i think the people who put him on the boat was trying to fucking kill him like yo you are so bad yes you will sell the goddamn the world is He's going to get us some spices. So the first one I can read is, there's five long paragraphs on here, but the first one is good enough, I think. Columbus ignored the king's and the queen's order that he abstained from doing the inhabitants any injury. For example, he created in 1495 the tribute system requiring every person over 14 to provide him with a hawk's bell of gold every three months. Those who complied were given a token to wear around their neck. Those who didn't

comply, as Columbus's son Fernando reported, were punished by having their hands cut off and left to bleed to death. About 10,000 in Haiti and the Dominican Republic were victimized. Many of the indigenous people were, while alive, roasted on spits, burned at the stake, and invaders hacked the children into pieces. Also, Columbus's men tore the babies from their mother's breast by their feet and dashed their heads against the rocks. They splitted the bodies of other babies, together with their mothers, on the swords. As noted by Spanish historian and Catholic priest Bartolome de las Casas, who witnessed much of the carnage, that's the guy, Columbus,

in order to test the sharpness of their blades, directed his men to cut off the legs of children who ran from them. His crew would pour people full of boiling soap and cause others to be eaten alive by hunting dogs. And if Columbus's brigade ran out of meat for their vicious dogs, Arawak babies were killed for dog food. You can keep going on and on about that. But they knew about this for a long fucking time. And we had Columbus Day. Historians must have known this.

These aren't new documents that they just found in a fucking clay jar in the middle of some reservation somewhere. No, this is shit that they knew about. He was a monster and they did horrific shit to people here and you know it's it's crazy they gave him a day they gave him a whole day he found america he didn't find america he they're talking about haiti in the dominican republic he wasn't even here they didn't even land here didn't they let

they land in the virgin islands or something that's where they i think the virgin islands was first our history is filled with monsters man it's filled with monsters filled filled with monsters monsters yeah and you i had a lot i i i i think i'm gonna probably find out like santa claus i'm like i know something else about him it's like Santa Claus was a shaman that's what Santa Claus is supposed to be Santa Claus was a Siberian shaman and his whole deal was bringing people mushrooms shamans in Siberia would like him shaman in Siberia they it was forbidden for them to practice their their shamanic rituals

because they were getting people to trip balls and question government and shit. So they'd have to come in through the chimney. So the shamans would slide down through the chimney with a sack of mushrooms. This is all, this is speculative, but it makes sense because it aligns with evidence. First of all, pine trees. Like why pine trees? Why do we have pine trees why is that a fucking thing for a christmas tree because coniferous trees like pine trees they have what's called a mycorrhizal relationship with mushrooms meaning the the spores grow under these trees and this one particular mushroom that's connected to santa claus is called the

amanita muscaria the amanita muscaria is a shiny red mushroom with white patches on it. And it looks like fucking Santa Claus. Santa Claus with his red outfit, with his white cuffs and white puff and sleeves. Not only that, they would take these mushrooms that they would pick that grow under the pine tree. And then they would put them on the tree to dry them out. That's how they dried these mushrooms out. They would hang them from the trees, just like shiny ornaments on trees. There's a lot of connections between Santa Claus and these mushrooms and rituals and even Christianity itself. There's a book from

the 1970s called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross by a guy named John Marco Allegro. And John Marco Allegro was a scholar who was hired by the commission that was overseeing the Dead Sea Scrolls translation because he was an ordained minister and he was also a linguist. But he was the only person on the staff that was assigned to do this

that was also, he wasn't a religious person anymore. He was an ordained minister but he'd become obnoxious you become agnostic after he had read all these different texts he had read so many different religions and so many different religious works that he's like boy this seems like a little there's like a lot of confusion here like i'm not i don't think the bible itself is the exact right word there might be a lot of confusion here. And one of the things they determined, he determined, after 14 years of studying the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is the oldest version of the Bible, he determined that the entire Christian religion was a giant misunderstanding.

And what it really was about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals, and that they had hid all of these stories, hid them from the Romans in parables. And that these stories, like the meaning of like the apple with Adam and Eve, that apple, the way you get the wisdom from, that apple was the mushroom. That was the forbidden fruit. Apple meaning red, it was another word. The translation was another word for red. And red meaning mushroom. meaning that amanita mascara pull up the the cover of the sacred mushroom in the cross it's a crazy book i'm

i'm getting the book i'm way too dumb to know if it's right or wrong and i'm way too dumb to know if santa claus really was a mushroom but this motherfucker translated the word christ to an ancient sumerian word which meant a mushroom covered in god semen because when it rained and things would grow out of the ground that's it the sacred mushroom in the cross bro that looks like santa claus that's the mushroom they thought that when it rained that the mushrooms were like because they you know have you ever been outside after the rain mushrooms that weren't there yesterday are now there, and they're huge. Huge. Now, if you found those, and you tripped balls from eating them,

like every primate tests things to see if you could eat it, because they're hungry. They don't know. And you'd find those and trip balls and literally get connected to God. They were convinced that this was their pathway to holiness their pathway to god was through these mushrooms so they would hide it and not tell anybody and try to tell it in stories oh wow i gotta i'm gonna get this book because you're thinking about thousands of years of stories more than a thousand years before it ever even gets written down

that's the whole thing yeah i think that's the part that people miss a lot of this wasn't written right a lot of this was forever like i'm uh you you you got a you got a griot that i know this story i'm delivering this story you know this this griot may have left out a little piece but i'm ah even the stories of jesus they didn't write him until hundreds of years after he was dead hundreds of years and they didn't write them until hundreds of years after he was dead. Hundreds of years. And he didn't write nothing. Right. It's like us writing stories about Abraham Lincoln without him having written anything, which is crazy.

You're just attributing things to him. You don't know. Exactly. Or pick up any other historical figure from 200 years ago and just try writing accurate accounts of what he did and who he was and what he stood for based on what based on a roman emperor deciding what gets in and what doesn't get in the book which is exactly what happened constantine yeah that motherfucker i told you you are my fucking favorite person you know how many people don't talk about constantine like literally he wasn't even a christian that's crazy crazy. He converted people because

it was the best way to control them. I'm done. Constantine is my pet peeve with any... I say, yo, you don't know who Constantine is? As soon as you Christian, you don't know who Constantine is. I'm like, yo, why don't you ask your pastor? Because he knows. And he's not going to

tell you who Constantine is. Constantine is controlling things. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Let me read it. No, I don't think. I don't think. He's a fucking politician.

Hey, what we don't need them to know is Mary had a miracle birth. I'm going to give you what do you need for this not to be in the book. It's the craziest thing that people don't know about Constantine. Crazy. Oh, my goodness. Well, how about when they go into the reason why holidays are at a certain time of the year?

They go into that because they made Christmas in that time because they wanted it to align with pagan rituals. With pagan rituals. December 25th? What a fucking coincidence because that's when Jesus came about.

You know something? We're going to have, we're going to hide this right up under this witch's ball. They wanted to convert these pagans. They all had these pagan ideas and pagan rituals, and they were aligned with summer solstice and the winter solstice. So that's why they made Christmas when it is. It had nothing to do with Jesus' birthday. Jesus was supposed to be born historically.

I think it was like in June or some shit. It had nothing to do with Christmas. It had nothing to do with the Easter Bunny. That's for fuck sure. Nothing to do with that. What is that about? Nothing to do with the Easter. Nothing to do with that at all.

Not from the story I read about Easter. Makes no sense. He didn't even convert until after he was like on his deathbed that's when constantine converted christianity was like okay do it now do it now all right i'm dying what i'm supposed to say like yo he might not have even he might have just died they said on his deathbed sir constantine converted because certain people wasn't giving up what they what they believe the whole like if you Islamic Muslims

the protection of the Prophet Muhammad was by his uncle who was not even Muslim and he never converted he never like I protect you I see what you're doing you know I'm not converting though I don't know what you're doing

like in Islam I'm not converting though. I don't know what you're doing. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

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like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, so okay everybody's gonna pray one direction then the next day he get a um he get a revelation hey change the direction of the prayer and everybody who was with him because they was jews and they was like okay we with you because you praying this way they were like we changed you like no not i'm not doing that i was with you then they had these pagan rituals where they would hold their their idols because you know most most muslims pray and they hold their hands right here but they would hold their idols and i was like the prophet probably came out and didn't want them holding them idols it was like yo watch this i got something for him tomorrow and so it's a part where people say allahu akbar so they had to do they had to do their hands like this.

So you had to do this. This wasn't even a part of prayer at first. He was like, yo, y'all know y'all gotta follow me, right? Whatever I do, y'all gotta do. They was like, yeah, we know. He said, Allahu Akbar. So they had to drop their idols. And this Muslim dude was like, yo, that is very funny. That is very funny.

I don't like it, but it's very funny. They don't like any jokes about Islam I'm like oh ever ever is it so you can tell Christian jokes to Christians and they'll laugh Muslims do not want to hear it I talk about bida a lot innovation like things that was innovative like things that we didn't do and for like the dicker beads like I'm like, you know, that, that wasn't, that's innovation. And like, this is not to innovate.

You can have a whole argument with somebody about what is innovation, what we wasn't doing in the beginning. And then you start doing, yo, it's a lot of things wasn't doing it because it wasn't written down what to do. It was like, it started after a lot of things start after the fact,

yo, look, it happened. What do we do now? Well, next time we're going to do this yeah you know we didn't have it but people don't accept it like no it was always this it was no it's not that rigid do you think that people need structure they need things like that to keep society together especially back in the day before there were books and before clearly before there was the internet they need some structure like if you behave this way these are the rules dress this way walk this way this is how we're gonna keep this fucking place together and if you don't you're gonna

burn in hell forever so you don't want that I think you think people need that I think people do need some sort of structure. But I think most of it was based upon people. I need to regulate what you think is normal. Right. I actually do. I need you to know the difference between this and this. Because some people, like I used to say that I didn't want them to lock up crazy people. Because how you know if you sane if you never see crazy people?

I need to see somebody's shit in their hand and know that I'm cool. You know, okay, I thought that was disgusting. Okay, I'm supposed to. But if you look at him like, oh, that's cool. No, fucking something wrong with you. You need to be over there with him like i think that it's some things that you have to regulate yo sir um we're wearing pants now you can't you can't be walking around with your dick out well this is how i feel like but but now we back to that we we we have shifted back to there's no right and there's no wrong.

It's only based on how I feel like being affluent. Like this is this is on a slippery slope because you don't have to have no hormones. You don't have to do no actual changes. I could just I woke up this morning. I'm I'm I'm feeling male I'm feeling male dominant you know and now setting this 3 30 and I'm feeling sassy so I can walk into the woman's restroom now cuz this I'm feeling I don't think that that's how they go I think you need a choppy dick off do you do whatever you want doing a bathroom I just. I just think it's like... Until... That's all going to be solved one day when they have gene editing. When they could say, okay, Ali, you are a woman for sure?

100%? Okay. Press that button. And then you actually become a physical, biological woman. You know, look, I feel for people. I've met a lot of people that are transgender that really do feel like they're trapped in the wrong body. It's got to be a terrible thing. But we also need logic.

Like, you can't be in high school and just say, I identify with females, not take any hormones and compete on the girls' track team. Because it's not fair. It's not fair to women. It's just not. We're lying to everybody if we say it is. And now with this new law that's passed with the biden administration apparently all you have to do is identify and you could you could compete with the gender that you identify now if you're a poor kid that this is the best way for you to get a scholarship

i'm juana man yeah i'm fucking juana man that's that's a loophole i'm crossing this shit over every girl i'm not saying most people are going to do that i'm not i think most people who do it are doing it for the right reason they're doing it because they really do believe they're in the wrong body but it's not fair in sports it's especially if there's if if there's no hormone treatment there's no you don't have to have some sort of a distinction between how much time you're on hormones or whether or not you go through reassignment surgery or what you can just decide that you're a female and then you could play female whatever that's crazy think that's crazy think about this we we live in a

we live in a society where domestic violence is is. But I know it's going to be some slick-ass dude that's going to be in a domestic violence situation. The police are going to come. Usually the dude goes to jail. And the dude's like, wait a minute. This is two women fighting. This is not even domestic. This is a goddamn cat fight. How do you figure that?

I'm identifying as a female. Right now, fucking Charles. Yeah. Fool be it. goddamn cat fight why you figure that i'm identifying as a female like right right now fucking charles you're like yeah full beard i'm i'm identifying as a fucking woman yeah right now in the middle of this fight you got me fucked up i'm not a dude well some people try to take things to a ridiculous place because they want to like there's a guy who's a transgender guy who has a full beard wears a dress i mean he's a man not taking any hormones at all. And one of his quotes was, some women have penises, and if you don't like that, you can suck my dick. Wow. Wow.

And people are like, yes, queen, you go. Wow. You've got to have room for crazy. You've got to make room in any theory, any practice, anything. Like we were talking about with Trump saying, you got to show of strength. If you're talking to rational people, they're going to listen to that.

But if you're talking to a dude who's got antlers on his head and he's got no shirt on and he believes that the FBI is fucking babies in the basement of Capitol Hill, you got a real problem there because you haven't made room for crazy in your ideas. You got to made room for crazy in your ideas.

You got to have room for crazy. The fucking dude that's in the rally, in the rally hall, in a goddamn F-150, just in the rally hall, got to show strength. You can't tell him anything. No. You have crazy people. You have to. June is fucking crazy.

They are a real thing. They're a real thing. You got to always have to fucking crazy they are a real thing they're a real thing you got to always have room for crazy and everything whether it's a cultural thing a religious thing whether it's a any practice you always got to say okay how are crazy people going to see this how are crazy people going to abuse this how are and and when it comes to a lot of things like man you've got you got too much man, you've got too much room here. You've got too much room here for crazy people to step in and abuse it. Anything else has what they call loopholes. You know, the defense for loopholes.

Hey, we're going to do this. You know, we're going to make sure it's covered up. This is a blind area over here. We've got to make sure we cover it. How don't you make room for fucking crazy? And you've seen so much of it. Yes. We've seen enough crazy to And you've seen so much of it. We've seen enough crazy to be like, yo, look, okay, something's going to happen.

I'm a rational person. When I plan a baby's birthday party, I think something's going to happen. So I'm like, yo, all right. Somebody's got to wash the pool. Make sure nobody falls in but hey look i know we're getting a bouncy house but i want this shit to be nailed to the fucking ground yes and i need an extra safety rope and make sure kids don't climb to the tops have someone there you you do all these things but for society there's nothing there's no net for crazy like too many things to think about think about all the things we outlined today fixing the health care system fixing the education system fixing police

reform reform all the different things then 320 million people and at least one percent of them are out of their fucking mind so you got three million plus people out of their fucking minds and you're trying to govern all of it while balancing the budget and keeping North Korea from blowing up San Francisco. And you're like, ah, who the fuck wants to be president? What a crazy job. And you have no idea what these million-plus crazy people are. It's like you just, okay, the guy with the antlers, do you think he's crazy or no?

I don't think he's the guy with the antlers. But it's a— I think he's crazy or no? I don't think he's the guy with the antlers. But it's a... I bet he's less crazy now. I bet he's been in jail for a couple of months now and just sitting around going, what have I done? Oh, my God. This is my life now. I thought I was part of the revolution. I thought I was like dumping tea over into the ocean.

I thought I was going to go down in history. I think it was crazy i think a lot of people was in there with the with the poses of this is going to be this is going to be the shot we're taking over we're taking over because when i saw him with the flag up and with the screen i said yeah he he he want to be on the front of time magazine he want to be on the front of time magazine and i think a lot of those people were um just wanting to be a part of the strength how you show up with zip ties like like who told you who like who called you james and not a not a few a fucking ring of them yeah yo james do you got your zip ties shit got turned back around James, do you got the zip ties? Shit, gotta turn back around.

Charles, gotta go get the zip ties. Yeah, they wanted to find like Nancy Pelosi and find those people that killed them. Imagine if they did.

What if they stormed in and what if the security was so lax that they got AOC, Nancy Pelosi, and killed them? You in there hollering, where's Pelosi?

Like, is that your, is that your assignment? You in there hollering, where's Pelosi? Is that your assignment? I know football is always somebody who runs out after they kick and they go out. I think they got a dog now that runs out in the field and grabs the bid and runs out. Who? Okay, what was the rally that said, look, we need people to do certain things we need you to get pelosi you what the fuck that would be a good comedy movie yeah get getting pelosi you see these fucking people playing this shit out you know get pelosi well you get a lot of people like look we were talking about rules and regulations and stupid people there's a lot of people out

there that they they don't know what they're doing with their life when something comes up that seems like it's a movement and you're attached to it and it seems important and then you're out there and i don't know how many people were there but i've heard it was hundreds of thousands of people what is it is there an accurate estimation of how many people try to storm capitol hill how many people were there at that day guesstimated what are they well either way it's hundreds of thousands of people it's an enormous amount of people so when you're there with all those people like yeah you feel like you're on the right side like look at all these people we can't all be wrong i can't we can't all be retarded look how many of us are we can't all be fucking idiots there's no way there's no way

dude i'm telling you i think this is it i think we're gonna fucking take back this country and you're like yeah and then they break down the barrier and everybody storms over. You're like, yes, we're doing it. We're fucking doing it. They really thought they were doing it. They like fucking cowboy fans. I know that we fucking six. We only won six games. We're going to the playoffs.

How? I don't know, but we're going to do it. Did you ever see the lady that got shot? No, I did not. I didn't see how she got shot where she got shot i just know she she was coming through a window she was breaking this window and she's coming through the window and the security guard shoots her but what i was saying is there was videos of her before that where she was ranting and raving about the government and

everything that's wrong and we got to take this back and that and you hear it talk and rant and rave you're like oh my god she's a crazy person who's a crazy person it's like full-on queuing on on parlor every day you know just constantly buying into theories and conspiracies and chaos and this poor fucking lady believed all this shit and she was an Air Force veteran. She was a veteran. When you don't have time to actually rationalize. I think a lot of those people were

unemployed. Everybody who I heard the interview from, it's like they were unemployed. So when you said I was an unemployed actor living with his mom, I'm like, well, damn. I didn't even read that about him. But it's the norm with these guys. One guy was saying, well, I was all in, and me and my dad, and we was in.

So first of all, I'm not in any groups with my mom. Me and my mom, we fucking love each other, but I'm not in any groups with my mom. Like, me and my mom, we share the AAA account. I put it on my account,

like, yo, just in case, you know, I can put you on my AAA account. That is about it. Like, my mom is has never we're going to the rally i'm like yeah but imagine if you grew up in a militia family and that's you know that's a problem with people raising kids right if you grow up in a family that really does believe that they have to do this they have to storm the capital and take america back and then

you're there with your parents like i'm sure there was probably kids at that rally they really did believe it they really did believe their parents like yeah we're gonna take it back for trump you're like whoa i can't believe i'm here dad you i think he was a kid like maybe i think either he was 17 or 19. he was the kid that when the woman got shot, he was right behind her. He said he had stuck his head in right before she did and then she just happened to be going through the window

and they shot her. I think he was 17 or 19. And I was like, and then he started crying. It could have been me. You know how it couldn't have been you if you wouldn't have fucking stormed the capital that's if you wouldn't have been breaking i don't know i still to this day as i look at it i'm still confused on how they stormed the capital and then they got in and they start walking through the rope single file line like where's the

restroom like they probably freaked out they couldn't believe they're in wait you get into the capital building you're probably like are we really in this i would have been in that fucking sightseeing i'm like yo look at this and if you're the first person in you're probably like wait there's no one in front of me is this are we doing this is this really happening i'd have got in and saw some of the fucking amazing statues i'm like hey guys i don't think we're supposed to touch any of this. This is a story. I wouldn't have wanted to break nothing.

I'm like, I damn sure would have been flipping through no fucking pages. Did you see the one security guard as they're coming up the stairs? He's got a gun on him. We're like, please, stop, stop. And then he keeps backing up. Shit.

And they're running towards him like little animals. Like they can get away with it? They're going to get closer? It's like Walking Dead. Yeah, a lot like that. I've started playing Walking Dead on my Oculus. Oh, I haven't played that.

We had an Oculus at the old studio. We don't have one here, though. Have you played the Walking Dead game on Oculus? I heard it's scary. It is so fucking terrifying. Once you get in, you be like, okay, cool. And you walking around and you seeing different shit. And then you see one of them fucking walking dead.

And it be like, it just be like, it just go. You be like, wait a minute. Hold on. And it's so realistic cause you can look down at your hands and see like

alright I'm not I'm not ready I'm not ready then you come around and it's a lot of them you like oh shit

and you trying to run like I'm not even supposed to be first of all I just ran into my coffee table cause I'm all out my barrier like

the Oculus that Oculus I'm waiting to play Star Wars. I've been getting my ass whooped on Creed because I can't figure out how not to let the dude get behind me. My barrier game is weak. How much room do you have to move around in? At least six feet. Is the Creed game a good one the creed it's a boxing you can get a good workout on those boxing games we had one and i was like i did a couple of rounds

with the the machine and i was like i'm tired like this is crazy like this is a real workout because it feels like you're really fighting creed is creed is good but it's another fighting game on there as well but the creed one was the one I saw because it had a demo for it. I literally just got this Oculus, and I'm trying not to be too into it because I don't want to get caught up, but it's hard. Dude, I had it at my studio, and my daughter would come in, and the moment she would come in, she'd go, Hi, Dad, just skid right to the Oculus, put it on,

and just barely talk to me. I'd go, Hi, how was school? What the fuck? it on and just like barely talk to me. I go hi. How was school? What the fuck and she would just be in there playing games? It was just like she was so locked into it all she would you see her walking around Swinging it shit. That's not really there like just all these different games that like they the weirdest thing about Virtual reality is you you when you're playing it you go oh they're going to make this way better

like right now this is pretty fucking good but what is this going to be five years from now I'm not even going to know if it's virtual reality it's going to be like the matrix my son Hassan it's a weird thing I have to really focus my mind on what he's

doing because he would go in Jurassic World, because he loves dinosaurs. He goes into Jurassic World, and I'm in my office, and I'm like, ah! I'm running, yo, what's up? And I'm looking, oh, he's on an Oculus.

And he, it's crazy. And I was like, well, let me see what you, let me see. And I was like, oh, let me see what you, let me see. And I was like, oh, shit. Because he knows all the dinosaurs. I don't know any of them. And it's a weird thing. But I didn't think I was going to like it.

And, you know, I get into certain things. But I wanted to ask you something because you just said you how does that feel when your kids don't pay you any attention what are you gonna do i taste so addicted to games man i thought i thought i was gonna be okay with it i thought okay no it's weird because i'm like yo i'm i'm your fucking father i had a meeting today and uh i one of the things i did i was talking to this one gentleman and i came out and i was saying hi to the other two people that were a part of the meeting. And the other two people were on their phone, just staring at their phone, scrolling. I'm like, look at these zombies.

I'm like, look at this lady. She's not even paying attention to me. She's looking at her Instagram. I'm looking at her going through her Instagram feed like this, just a zombie. Like video games and electronics and this connection to people that when you watch it from out when you do it yourself it feels normal but when you watch other people doing like it feels gross it feels gross watching someone addicted to a screen or addicted to a an oculus or addicted to a video game it feels weird it's like you you you see like what this a person

that's getting sucked into electronics like Like electronics are, you're just sitting there. You think you're doing something. You're not doing shit, but your brain is being occupied as if you're really doing something. It's very weird. And kids don't have the ability to rationalize that because they didn't grow up. You and I grew up without it. Yes. And then it came a part of our life later.

I think we're like the generation that kids are growing up in right now with our kids. This is the first generation really that, you know, roughly, that has had no experience outside of the internet. Their internet has been there from the moment they were born. So video games, the internet, and then they keep getting better and better and better and better until you'd kind of be crazy to not play Jurassic Park. When it gets to where it gets to it where it's so wild it's so much more fun than anything you could do outside like you want to play basketball why the fuck would I play basketball when I could go hang out with dinosaurs for real I just figured

out and on the oculus it's a thing that you can go and literally visit another place and actually walk in the fucking streets. Like, I can literally, like, yo, what you doing tonight? I'm going to Paris. Like, on a jet? No, like, in my living room, I'm finna go to fucking Paris. And I can go to these places on this Oculus, but

the thing with my children and the understanding with society, like, when you, is this is to me this is the most natural thing to sit across from somebody and have a conversation about a array of topics whether you whether you know something or you don't know something you sitting there you listening you interested you getting but how many people under the age of 35 have i actually had a conversation with past 10 minutes and it was literally probably about something else

because everybody that's 40 and over know how to actually have a dialogue and consider the table i don't i can sit at the table and never pick my phone up i can be in my house and never pick my phone up you didn't have your phone with me no because i'm not fucking married to my phone i'm not married i didn't i grew up walking outside with no phone and the only way you can contact me is when i come back or i hear my mom yelling 2 000 times my name. I'm like, yo, I think I hear something. Somebody say, I think your mama calling you.

Yeah. So literally calling you. Literally calling you. Hey! I remember those days. Different world. Kids don't get that no more. Like, yo, hold on, my mom's calling.

Hey, what's going on like my my kids are i think my children have a good balance because i take everything and then we i garden so that's the other thing i have a full-fledged garden at my house so we have to go outside. You have to be in the dirt. So if you want to fucking eat, you got to go outside. And it's a big thing for me to watch my kids go outside. I want a cucumber. We'll go get one. It's outside.

Eating tomatoes off the vine and going to pick greens. That's very satisfying, right? Hey, I need some parsley. Go outside and get it. That's a big thing to me. So need some parsley go outside and get it you know that's a big thing to me so they have to go outside and be in the dirt and be in the world and get vitamin d and hurt theyself outside and they and then they come in they get on their ipads and they'll do they'll do that as well but i have one daughter like soon as the back door opens, she out there.

And she's not coming back in. She don't give a damn about her iPad. She's like, yo, I'm three. I want to be out here in this dirt. I want to. Daddy, what is this? This is wiggling. That's the earthworm.

Can I eat it if you want to? And that's my. Everything is if you want to. You want to eat it, eat it. But I know I'm a different I'm a different parent than my mom and my grandmother and I'm definitely

a different parent than people that's younger than me I have a little more understanding but I don't have the the I have better tolerance than my mom my mom didn't tolerate shit like she was raising me she had two hours of sleep every night two hours of sleep and I don't have time for you I have better tolerance than my mom. My mom didn't tolerate shit. She was raising me and my sister. She had two hours of sleep every night.

Two hours of sleep, and I don't have time for you to be making no goddamn mistakes. You know how many times my head had been bust open, or I knew I was concussed, and my mom was like, just go take a nap. Like, mama, I don't, my neck. What happened? I fell off. We was playing on the second thing, and I fell down, and I landed't my neck what happened I fell off we was playing on the second the second thing

and I fell down and I landed on my neck and she's like well if you wouldn't have been fucking up there go lay down but I think the

it's mama it's like I think my my neck's supposed to be longer than this go lay down it's gonna it'll fix itself

like you you wake up and your neck like it'll fix itself like you you wake up and your neck like it's still short like you know but me I'ma rush probably rush my son

to the hospital depending on what the injury is I'm like yo my son he was two yeah two

I decided to take him to the gym with me I didn't take him to the gym with me I didn't take him to the gym it's just our little apartment gym we stayed in this little town I'm watching him he's doing this thing

we're on the treadmill together he is on slow just walking I get off the treadmill I go to pick up just some dumbbells to bring him back to start curling I turn back and it's literally my son is about to go get trapped under the damn

treadmill. Because his finger, he took his finger and wanted to see where the meal was going. And he's stuck in it. So I snatched him from under there. And inside his finger is a fucking like an ice cream scoop.

It's like curved out of there. I am literally like, damn. Because the only thing that you don't want to happen with your kids, you just don't want them hurt when they with you. Right. Because you don't want to hit their moms. So his finger is kind of of up these two so i i kneel sporn it and i bandage it up real good

mom comes home what's wrong with his finger i say oh you know i caught him in the treadmill He'll be alright. She takes the bandage off. She sees things. You can see his bone. You know, like, that's not his bone. That's like some meat, you know. His bone. The skin, you know, the old spore.

She's like, no, brushes my son to the restroom. They had to grab his finger and stitch it it was way worse oh no so now grab from it like a part of his hand like some shit off his hand to take some skin oh my god because it's like you can still kind of look at his hand and tell that like because he's 10 now so you can still like, oh, yeah, that

finger right there, that was the finger that was on the treadmill. So now, if something happens, I just be careful and just take him to the emergency room because his mom, my mom would have just like, yo, my fucking brain could have been hanging out. My mom would have been like, stuff it

back in there and go take your ass a nap. Mom, that's brain tissue. with shit stop playing with it then shit and your kids are going to be different than you yeah yeah it's a weird thing having children isn't it this this the whole experience of being responsible for some little person and caring about them so much. Never thought you would love anybody that much. Chappelle said something to me that is very true, very interesting.

He said, not only did it increase my love, but it increased my capacity for love. Yeah. That's what it does. It changes you. Whoever you were before you had children and then who you are after children you like okay i i kind of i think i see the world through a whole different lens it's just you don't realize how much you could love something

or someone you don't realize how much feeling you have like you get happy when they draw fucking some stupid heart you're like oh you get so happy just little things they do laughs little things they just you you're it's like a drug like you're filled with a drug because nature wants you to keep those little people alive and they smell so good until they don't but But it's like you, I think that without children, you can understand love, but it's kind of like,

I look at it like how my friend broke it down to me about me liking Marvin Gaye. He said, let me tell you the difference between you. I know you. You know everything about Marvin Gaye. The difference is I was at the concerts. I was like, oh shit, that is a big difference.

You listen to his music. You read shit on him. You watch him and things. I was actually at the concert. So it's a different experience so you can you can know about love or all this but until you have children or a child it's a it's it's a level that you gonna not understand about the connection like i I can look at my children and how can anybody abuse a child?

I look at my kids and be like, yo, she's so fucking small and helpless. So think about all that Columbus shit that we were just reading about. Exactly. Splitting. Practicing their swords. My daughter,

Chanka, there's nothing better than me walking in the back door and hearing her running from whatever. All she heard was the door beep open and she knows everybody else is in the house, so it's me.

And I hear her feet. And she come around that corner daddy i'm like yeah yo this is the best part of this this is the part like i probably had something on my mind probably thinking about something but and the type of hug that she gives you know it's so genuine. I don't want anything. I just want to hug you. And the shit that you think is cute, she suck her thumb. So if she really, really

like you, she'll let you have some of her thumb. You're like, yo. It's like, yo. This is sacred. This is a sacred thing to me. You know something? I like, yo, this is sacred. This is a sacred thing to me. You know something? I love you so much.

Yeah. Try something. Tastes like cocoa butter. It's the only thing I got on, you know. It's a different world. Yeah. And people that don't have children, you know, I think you could have a fulfilled life without having children. I think it's possible.

But it's a different experience. life without having children i think it's possible but it's a different experience it made me change my perception of people overall because i started looking at people like a person who used to be a baby i never did that before before i had children i never looked at people and said oh that guy's all fucked up because of his life because he used to be a child he was a little boy he was a baby and then through a bunch of shitty experiences and bad parenting and life throwing curveballs at him and all these different things that went wrong, now you've got this fucked up 43-year-old guy.

And can be fixed up. Maybe, yeah. Because that was me. So I'm quite sure it could be fixed because you know when you realize something you know i i didn't realize why i was having bad relationships until i was like 33 years old i had no fucking clue that i go to prison at 19 i literally what was my experiences with women prior to 19? It's like a bunch of high school shit and just in the street shit and meeting people at random spots. But it's no actual experience.

So once I go inside, from 19 to 25, I have no relationships with women. I don't even know how to communicate like that, but through a letter to my mom or my sister. So I get out and I'm trying to have relationships with women. learning how to be a fucking good adult was based upon you write if you're violent. Or you write if you talk the loudest. Or you write if I just ain't got time to be fucking arguing with you about some stupid shit. So no understanding on how to communicate so i get out i'm trying to have relationships and it's just fucking like i know the women who dated me like yo i'm fucking dating neanderthal i'm dating somebody who doesn't get it he don't know how to fucking listen he don't know how to

do this and he's a fucking he he don't say much he he doesn't know how to communicate with me outside of you want to go eat you know don't go to movies i don't have shit to actually have a conversation about when you said you right if you're violent what do you mean by that it it would it would be this dudes would be arguing with dudes. Totally fucking wrong. Totally fucking wrong. And then it come in. It would come from there to a threat. Man, what the fuck is saying something else?

I'll hit you in your fucking mouth. And you'd be sitting on the side like, What, an argument? Wow. And you only doing him like that because you intimidating him you're in in you yet the threat of being violent is is making him retreat in this conversation but you're fucking wrong now you got the people that's like me and other people like yo you fucking wrong man man you don't know if i'm wrong but i'm trying to make you say the

same shit you said to him to say to me say to me say that shit to me say don't just say something i'm gonna hit you in your mouth something else that's the the level of this fucking animal cage that we in is based upon how the threat of violence that you make people shut down even though they write, you know, because that's how the officers respond. Yo, I'm trying to get to understand what you officer. This is you incorrect about this. Well, shut up and do it. I mean, you know, well, get out here and get on the wall. So now you threatening me with fucking bringing some other officers and all of it.

But you're still fucking wrong. Right. Regardless of what you're trying to do, you're still wrong. So raising of the voice, being aggressive was the way that people argued and communicated in this particular space. So as you develop, you're like, yo, I got to learn. If I'm going to be productive when I get back to the free society, I have to learn to communicate. But it's a, I'm trying to learn how to communicate as far as business and getting a job and shit like that. But I don't know how to communicate on a personal level.

Because none of the things in here are personal. None of this is a, oh man, let me talk to you. It's not personal. I don't know you. I didn't grow up with you, none of that. So you get back to the side, and you got this fucked up way of handling things. And you challenging people that's in the free society, like, don't say nothing else.

I'll hit you. Because I asked you if you wanted to bake chicken or fried chicken like fuck is your problem you know so you you get scared and so now i'm 33 and i get it i'm like i'm just like okay i gotta learn to fucking listen and be outside and not listening with negative ears like somebody what made you realize that? Like, what was the turning point? I was having, like, I couldn't, something dawned on me, like, yo, man, I can't keep a fucking relationship.

Like, I'm in and out of relationships, and I'm trying to figure out is it because of my pops that, you know, because he was like that, I saw him do that. Is it because I just don't want to be in a relationship or i or i'm doing something absolutely wrong and like even with comedy i always ask myself the hard questions when i if i if i do a show before i was a quote unquote headliner. I was just going last. And I didn't think I understood the difference between, no, people are coming to see me versus me being on the show.

And I'm just happening to go last. So I've tried to get this understanding of what do I need to do to develop in this, in this game? Because I got to know the difference between these particular things. And you try to navigate what you're learning versus what you don't fucking know at all. And I'm thinking I'm a headliner and I'm not. And how does this happen? Okay, I did a show. Would I pay to see the show?

Okay, yes. Would I pay to see the show again? Nah, Ali, your show ain't that good yet. I wouldn't pay to. And I'm talking to myself. I wouldn't pay to come back and see me. That's a good way of looking at it. I didn't think it was good enough.

It's a real good way of looking at it. I didn't think it was good enough. It's a real good way of looking at it. Would I pay to see me? Yeah. Yeah. And then would I do it again? Right. Because people who come see you, they'll come see you again.

Right. And they'll come see you again. If you put together a good enough show or you put together a body of work or they like what you did the first time they're like well i see the development and when i saw him this time it was like this when i saw came and saw joe did you see joe do this it's all these different things the layers but a lot of comics don't ask themselves is my show good enough for somebody to pay to see me or pay to see me again after they did it.

Right. There's levels of perceptions, how you look at yourself. That's very important. You got to be able to look at yourself outside of what you want. You want to be great. You want people to love you. You want to be a killer. You want to be a headliner.

You want to be all these things. But what are you? What are you actually? What are you actually and what are the steps you have to take to get from what you are actually to what you wish you were instead of just pretending like that's the saddest thing is when you see a comic one of the saddest things when you see a comic that believes they're great and they suck and you you're like and they're like man how come i don't get that fucking show?

Really? You don't know? How do I get on your show? You don't. You don't. You don't. You do when you can, when you're ready. You're not that good.

I think that's a huge thing. Being self-critical. When did you know that I'm not closing I'm not going last people come to see you they come to see me and it takes something like how many times have you reinvented your show like literally okay

I did this this is fucking great but that's over I got to come back and do something else. And now you just stripped yourself down to start over. How many specials you have? Ten, I think. Ten fucking specials.

Yeah. Do you know in my brain how fucking phenomenal that is? Because I know what it takes to write a special. So to write 10 of them, that's a... I think it might be eight. Even eight.

I'm trying to count them all. I have, I have, at the end of this, maybe nine. I have eight albums. Six are out. I just recorded to get they get mixed and massive I have eight hours yes two that are gonna come out yeah down you know come out yeah I've done it maybe twice I put out two albums back to back but an album

to me is easier to write than a special because I take the topic I take the topic of an album and I can say okay I'm gonna do this topic right here

then I go out I start working it and whatever other pieces fall in the album i leave them like whatever happens during the course of that show i leave it there and that's an easy thing to do like i have a one of my albums you it's it's three parts on there while i'm arguing with this lady in three different parts because it happened during the course of the show. So I'm arguing with her 20 minutes in. Then 10 minutes later, we add it again. Then 25 minutes later, we add it again. I leave all of that there.

If I was doing a special, those three minutes, four minutes that I left to her to leave on the album, it would be cut. Oh, okay. See, when I'm the album, it would be cut. Oh, okay. See, when I'm saying special, I'm including albums. I'm talking about hours. I don't think about it that way. I thought about it a different way.

I'm just thinking about how much time do I turn over my material, which is the different thing about today versus back in the day when people didn't do as many specials we have and because of the internet we have to turn over our material every whatever it is for me it's usually two years with this pandemic kind of fucked it up but every two years i've been on a steady since like i did uh yeah 2012 2014 2016 2018 and i would have done 2020 if it wasn't for the pandemic. I had one ready, kind of. I was developing it, and then everything shut down in March.

But that wasn't the case with the guys before us. They didn't have to turn over their material that much. So they didn't write as much. They weren't forced to be as prolific as we're forced to be. So when I got that, when I went to go look at it, because I wanted to have the most comedy albums, and I probably could by now if I wasn't doing over an hour, because I looked at Bill Cosby's, and I looked at Carlin's,

and I looked at Richard Pryor's. So Richard Pryor has 13 i think wow but maybe five of them are 35 minutes 37 minutes did you ever listen to the red fox ones i listened to two red fox house the red but the red fox club stuff with pryor no i haven't heard prior there's a bunch of it's amazing you got to find it you could find it online there's a bunch of shit. It's amazing. You've got to find it. You can find it online. There's a lot of them on YouTube. But I found them at a gas station once. There was cassettes that were for sale at a gas station. And it was Richard Pryor live from Red Fox Comedy Club.

Red Fox had a comedy club. And it's Richard just fucking around on stage and being loose. You can hear the glasses clinking. You hear everything in the audience. And you hear him just riffing and having fun laughing at his own shit it's amazing and that's how i do my album i just leave everything in i didn't even know he had those yeah you got to find them you can find them on on on youtube they're available there's like a few of them they're available on youtube but it's

before his actual albums that everybody knows about there's a bunch of them. They're available on YouTube. But before his actual albums that everybody knows about, there's a bunch of these recordings that were shorter recordings that were all just him fucking around at Red Fox's place. I guess they just recorded everything there. That's a good way to get a bunch of material out there. I think when I looked at at it some of his albums his actual release i was like 37 minutes 35 minutes i was like fucking richard cheating they probably thought that's all people wanted to hear back then

you know i mean how many like when this was the first comedy album released wow i mean when was that that's probably like the 50s you think 50 i'm guessing but i would imagine it's probably like the 50s so you got two two decades so that's like you and i in 2021 imagine if the first comedy special came out in the year 2000 and here we are in 2021 just trying to do our thing not exactly sure what's the right way to do it was wrong i mean that that's really where it's at right if you think about it because prior was doing some of his best work in the beginning of the 70s that's 20 years after the shit was invented and before that what was stand-up comedy like before that it was bullshit

before that it was a bunch of guys that were told the same jokes. They would go to the Catskills, and they would just sort of repeat all the same stuff. And then there was stuff like what Bill Cosby had done or stuff like Cheech and Chong had done, which was even different because they did it with no audience. So that was like comedy albums. But to do stand-up comedy, like a stand-up comedy album, when Richard was around, like, how many guys had done it before there was cosby bill cosby george carlin there was a few other guys that did it that were

contemporaries lenny bruce was the first but lenny bruce was the first to sort of be a social critic instead of just telling a bunch of jokes he had social commentary but again it's like a couple decades there's not that much time i don't think dick gregory had an album at that time he might have a had a book but now when did dick gregory first start producing albums right you know dick gregory was also one of the few guys that was he wasn't just a social critic He brought the Zapruder film to television. He showed people how Kennedy got assassinated in a way that didn't make sense if you looked at the Warren Commission's findings.

You saw that video. 1961. And now who is this? Dick Gregory. Oh, Dick Gregory's first album? Yeah, they've been giving a Grammy Award for it since 1959, and there's someone reading short stories in 1898. Oh, Dick Gregory's first album? Yeah, they've been giving a Grammy Award for it since 1959, and there's someone reading short stories in 1898. Oh, wow.

Short stories. So that was probably the first actual comedy, 1898? That's the first credited thing I could find. And then 59, you said, was the first Grammy for it? Grammy for it, yeah. So let's imagine that the comedy album genres probably started around then if it's 59 it was probably before that like how many of them were there it'd be a technology thing too where would you play such a thing prior to having a radio you know so like right or a record player

would you sell even how would you even know that it was any good and then they came in on radio just brought you into the brought you into the station and like hey just do some jokes that's how people watching quote-unquote listening to television yeah so maybe they were doing that i mean they used to do that's how they did uh war of the worlds orson welles read from a book like it was a news report this makes a lot of sense to the the technology you could only record something short like you maybe had five minutes of tape to record so you had to squeeze it all in and that oh yeah that's right you could just tell a 25 minute story and like right there it is yeah you couldn't record you couldn't record it so some guy some guy sitting around with 37 five-minute albums.

He said, who got the most albums? No, it's me. Got 37 five minutes. If you think about the first stand-up comedy album, you're looking at probably the late 50s. So, Prior, like we said, comes along in the 70s. This shit was so new.s this shit was so new yeah it was so new i mean it's really new historically with us if you stop and think about here we are in 2021 it's only been around for fucking 70 years there haven't been like what other art form has been around for 70 years damn so our art forms i think people confuse us too with the um what this guy said now y'all had to be around longer than that what what was the the thing with the

kings don't fucking do gestures yeah gestures are not fucking comics he couldn't be sarcastic to the queen they were like youtube stars and they're trying to the queen. They were like YouTube stars. You care to sit and stand up? Get the fuck out of here. Go do that in front of a live crowd that's going there to hear comedy. Fuck off. That is not comedy. You don't know what you're doing.

I can't hear about one more discussion about goddamn social media stars. First of all, ma'am or sir, when you, ma'am or sir, that's a comedian, if you got to say that you a fucking internet sensation or internet comedian, that's the whole thing. These are things that have came up since I've been a stand-up. I think there's levels to that. I think some people do it really well, and it's valid that some people do it but because of the easy barrier to entry anybody could be on the internet so all you have to do is

get people to pay attention to you and some of them are just really stupid like some of it is really dumb the difference between that and stand-up comedy is so gigantic because stand-up comedy requires a live involuntary response. Like you say something like, you have to be able to pull that out of somebody. And that is not the same thing as just ranting on YouTube or these quick edit cuts where people do and you think you're a comedian? You better call yourself a different thing.

Don't call yourself a stand-up comic you're not a stand-up comedian you're you're a person who does something different but it might be comedic I don't know what it is but it is definitely something different it's it's not the same thing it's just not and people want if people want to push that that is something that is the same but it's not heard that argument it's ridiculous go do it live in front of an audience that doesn't know who you are. Go ahead. If your audience...

Okay, I don't think... Just because Jake the Snake performs in comedy clubs, I don't think that Jake the Snake thinks he's a comic. Him, nor... He's telling stories. He's just doing them in a comedy club. The Hodge twins are not comics. Don't give down with a different bodybuilders with if you have an audience if you had an audience if your audience it was built about by

anything other than doing stand-up and then you bring that audience of comic club doesn't make you a stand-up if you go to a crowd they have no idea who you are and you can go on stage and make these motherfuckers involuntarily laugh then you're a stand-up comic the difference between these guys who develop this audience from youtube and guys like us is we started out in open mic nights we started out as mcs we started out as middle acts we worked our way to become headliners we traveled all over the fucking country performing in all kinds of shitholes, just trying to figure out a way to make people laugh. That is such a different animal.

It's just not the same art form. Shit. Being Poussin. Being Poussin. And fucking Poussin. And you got to go make these people who are at. Hey, look, we have a company that's coming down. fucking Poussin and you gotta go make these people who are at hey look we have a company that's coming down

they just came from in an intense what do you mean intense? they just finished kind of battling a little bit okay I don't think they want to see me are you saying just just? just just just whizzing past their head.

And you in Pusan. And it's so much stuff that goes with, I think people don't understand how much we go through to get on stage and do what you do. It's not all easy. I'm in Pusan. I know I got a show in like two hours. But they have me staying in a hotel called La Hilton. Not the Hilton. The hilton the hill tune and it is a prostitute's hotel i know it is because my my bed is shaped in a circle so i know damn well this ain't the norm and and next to me is my the dude who was with me got a comedian by the name of Dave Lawson.

My room, then the prostitute's room, is Dave Lawson's room. Dave keep calling my room, telling me, he sure getting his money worth. Because neither one of us can fucking sleep. I was like, yo, man, I think we here tonight and we in

Osan or something tomorrow. So we only in Pusan for one night. so don't even worry about it ollie we're like it's almost five o'clock oh isn't that crazy we've been talking for how long four hours wow that wild how easy that just went yeah time just flew by i wouldn't even know i know i barely knew. I was just looking down. I was like, is that real? It's crazy.

I still had a backup mushroom question. Like, so it's these mushrooms that grow in my yard. There's some huge mushrooms that grow in my yard. I don't think you can eat them, though. Yeah, you got to be real careful about mushrooms. Because some of them you can eat, and they're delicious. And some of them will but yeah you got to be real careful about mushrooms because some of them you can eat and they're delicious and some of them will fucking kill you like i don't know enough about mushrooms yeah you'd have to talk to like paul stamets or some real mycologist who could tell you what what's edible and what's not yeah because i'm about his book called foraging for flavor

oh okay um did you just find stuff to eat. You can find a lot of mushrooms to eat if you know what you're looking at, like hand of the woods or morels. There's a lot of mushrooms that are obvious. You see them. Chicken of the woods is one. You can find these mushrooms, and you could look at a photo and go, oh, there it is, and then you could pick it and eat it.

But then there's other ones that look real similar to edible mushrooms but they'll fucking kill you yeah so i i have to know that yeah you know when you're gardening i use a little manure sometimes to in my in my soil and sometimes when i bring top soil from from somewhere else to level off something, the next day, mushrooms springing up. Take a picture. Take a picture and put it on the internet. People will let you know. I was like, hey, I don't know. They might be the right ones.

If it's growing on manure, it might be the right ones. You know? It might be the ones that get you closer to Jesus. The thing is, your eyes are like, I don't know. Hey, man. You can get them from people who know that's the best way yeah i'm fortunate enough i know people who can get me the mushrooms that are the right ones i don't want to be picking and choosing and hoping looking at it like oh it's

kind of close it's two different i've figured out that it's two different ones it's the ones who take you somewhere then it's the ones I've had that I've called a lot of people just just a what's up I'll is 430 more yeah I was thinking about you about your life man then there's other ones that i'm in there like yo i am really the one like i ate i ate some mushrooms i ate the mushroom that art gave me and it was just yeah art gets the real deal yeah he does that shroom fest thing every year where he like for a whole week encourages everybody to do shrooms i need to fucking talk to ari we haven't we haven't talked since fucking the kobe shit and i i didn't want to make any statement about it he did it again with larry king he just did it again when larry king died i didn't see i didn't see he's out of his fucking mind court is the thing with Ari that it kind of

showed me how people are so I get attacked by two different groups of people I have no idea what Ari has said I have fucking no clue I get at least 60

DMs because I'm on the show. This is not happening. People associate with me. So, oh, this is what type of fucking racist you hanging out with? You fucking sellout. I'm like, and mind you, I have-

You woke up. I have no idea what's going on. Do you even know Kobe's dead? I know Kobe's dead, but I have no idea what fucking Ari said. At all. Because my thing ain't even know Kobe's dead? I know Kobe's dead, but I have no idea what fucking Ari said at all. Because my thing ain't even about Kobe. I'm so emotionally distraught because his daughter was on that plane and other children was on there.

That's why I'm like, damn, his fucking daughter's on there. And I'm like, how did I become a sellout? Because I don't even know what you're talking. I'm like, yo, man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And now I'm getting aggressive. Like, yo, you and your fucking friend Ari. Huh? So then, boom, boom, other messages.

Ari this, Ari that. You fucking, fucking, and then this is when people get weird. What do you want me to do? I'm going to go on shows that are with other people. So now I'm fucking selling out the black race because somebody said something that I actually have no idea. But the only thing that this is taking me to is when Don Imus said what he said about basketball. They called him nappy head. And D.L. defended that he had the right to say whatever he wanted to say.

It doesn't make it right what he said, but he had the right to say it. So I was on the road when they were protesting D.L. I was on the road with D.L. at that time. So I'm like, OK, this is finna be this type shit I'm already like lined up in it so I get all these messages now I find out what Ari said I'm like oh this fucked up

me and Ari got the same management at the time um I'm on the show that with Ari I got an album this is not having the show with Ari. I got an album. This is not having an album with Ari. Okay.

So I'm going through all this. And maybe weeks later, I do an interview with Comedy Hype. So on this Comedy Hype, and in my mind, I am prepared for him to ask me this question about how do I feel about what Ari said. I'm trying to avoid it at all costs. Going around here. And then I fuck up and start telling a story that's from this is not happening. And the dude brought it up. He said, oh, the

story from this is not happening. I was like, yeah. And then I started trying to talk. He said, so how do you feel about what Ari said? Shit. Tried to shake this one. I simply said I actually didn't know what Ari said

at first, but I think it was I don't think it was said in a manner where he thought about it. I think it was mean-spirited because of the fact that he can't get what he deserved because it's other people that was on the helicopter that didn't get what they deserved. That's how you play in this. Because his daughter was on there. His other family member was on the helicopter that didn't get what they deserved if that's how you playing this because his daughter was on there's other family members on there so i probably wouldn't say that because it was a mean spirit it's the same thing i said it's a quote the same thing

as when kennedy got killed and malcolm said chickens come home to roost bad timing the that comes out the next day flooded with people saying how could you do Ari like that he fucking supported your career and I'm like and now I'm on the defense of wait a minute I was on a show didn't nobody start my career I was on a show. Didn't nobody start my career. I was already doing what I was doing. I was on the show. I appreciate it being on the show. But what the fuck are you talking about now?

I said what I said. I said, even if it was my, if it was my brother and my brother said something fucked up, I would have said, well, my brother said this like this and da-da-da. I would have made,

I said, I can't defend both ends of of this and I don't think me and Ari has spoken since then because I wanted him to understand I wasn't saying there's a mean spirit I wasn't saying this is a mean spirit I am being bombarded from both sides of this shit and I hadn't said shit I didn't say shit about kobe i didn't even know what you said this ain't even my fucking sentence people are so emotional at that time right they're up in arms and they're just looking for any target they're looking to attack in any way they can ari has this thing that he does whenever anybody dies it doesn't matter if he loves them or hates them he shits on them and he thinks it's funny he he's crazy he's i love ari but he's out of his fucking mind

and he thinks it's funny to shit and he also loves when people get angry but he didn't understand the kind of hornet's nest that he stirred up when when he did that with kobe and you know i mean he got death threats he got doxxed i think he lost his management I think he lost his agent I think he lost everything it was was not good and he realized it was not good he tried to explain himself without apologizing he tried to explain himself in a way where listen I like to tear down idols I like to attack people that everybody loves and do it in a way whenever anybody dies and so he does it every time someone dies he just but I thought he was done I thought learn your fucking lesson Larry King just died and he makes his fucking long tweet about him

being a Nazi sympathizer and all kinds of crazy shit he's just he's out of his fucking mind but he's always been out of his fucking mind and it's great and it's bad it's great and it's bad. It's great with some things. I mean, it makes his comedy hilarious because it's ridiculous. But it's also, you know, you're opening yourself up to unnecessary hate. And you're causing people to feel like what you were saying. His daughter's on that plane.

Other people's children are on that plane. It's tragedy. It is just a tragedy. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. There was other people that commented that said he was both a great basketball player and a rapist. This is not the time for that. To chime in and just virtue signal and try to get some sort of a reaction from the woke left, because you're stepping up and talking about a guy who died with his fucking daughter on a plane

because he was taking her to a game, because he loved her, because he wanted to be a good father. And they took other families that were there that were going to go to the game as well. And they all died. It's nothing but a tragedy. It's not an opportunity for you to show everybody how woke you are but for ari it's like that you have to understand that's what he does when anybody dies he did it when ralphie died he loved ralphie he does it he'll do it when i die i'm sure if he's alive i'll probably i'll probably die after him but if he but if I don't he's gonna do it when I die too

it's what he does and he doesn't, he thinks it's fun and it's fun as long as it's someone like Larry King that no one gives a fuck about not that no one gives a fuck about Larry King but no one gives a fuck when you do that no one got mad at him for doing that about Larry King it received nothing

even though people love Larry King. I love Larry King. I met Larry King a couple times. He was a very nice guy. I didn't get offended when I saw him say that. I was just like, fucking Ari. He's so crazy. And when I was like, I had nothing.

It's not your fault. But, you know, over time, people recognize it's not your fault. Over time, you know, people were mad at me. Fuck your friend Ari or i'm like i didn't do it i didn't do it i wouldn't do it i had no it's not my thing are y'all calling felicia richard a cockroach talking about cosby i'll say this i'll say it all time a while i'm like yo i ain't shit to do part of the problem being uh on the internet man whenever something happens you either have to have an opinion about something or you get attacked for something by people who where they

doesn't what they're saying doesn't make sense then you have to defend some shit that doesn't make sense you're like what that's not what i said like ah fuck and then you can either get either get wrapped up in it or just stay off i don't read any comments anymore and i haven't for more than a year. That's why I stopped. My friend called me and said, yo, let me tell you what I know you was fucking losing your goddamn mind. I said, why? When you compared to my, me and Ari are not fucking Gooden and fucking Darryl Strawberry.

We're not doing goddamn cocaine together and going to teams. My friend's like, this is why I know you was fucking losing it. Because you was comparing shit that because you just you was paying you could pay and shit they ain't had no make no sense think about what it's like when you get an argument with one person like you and one person are at odds with each other you try to figure out who's right who's am i right or am i just angry am i just trying to win this argument am i right but now imagine it's 5 000 people like you can't do it it's not how people are designed you're not designed to and you don't even know them. They could be that dude

with the fucking moose antlers on his head with the suit with no shirt on. That could be the guy on the other end of the phone. You don't know who they are. I'm actually arguing with Q. You have no idea. Arguing with people on the internet is not wise.

It's going to always be somebody else you write uh jazzy black he ain't shit he's like fuck you too alexis smith and jazz you just argue with everybody listen man i'm gonna piss my pants we don't get out of here i drank too much coffee and water we're at a little bit after five o'clock i had a great fucking time man thank you very much i, man. Thank you very much. I really appreciate you. Thank you very much for being here, man. Thank you for having me, brother. Thank you. It was awesome.

Oh, man. We got to do this again. We're local. Basically, you're in Texas. I'm right up the street. I'm right anytime. I'm right up the street. And if they fire you from that radio job, you're going to have plenty of time, too.

Get a fucking podcast going, man. I know he's going to get fired when he was on Rogan. Yeah. I don't like the way this is going. I don't like what I'm hearing. All right. Let's wrap it up. Thank you, brother.

Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on social media and what your pages are and everything like that. Depends on what you're – if you argue – no. Ali Sadiq on all major platforms, A-L-I-S-I-D-D-I-Q. I'm in Tampa this weekend for the Super Bowl. I'm in Cleveland next weekend for Valentine's. That's how people get it done. That's it. Thank you, brother.

Appreciate you. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody.