The Joe Rogan Experience - #1632 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 10, 2021

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and co-host of "Your Mom's House" and "2 Bears, 1 Cave" podcasts. He is also the host of "Tom Segura en Español" a Spanish language podcast.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Hello, Tommy Bunz. Hello, Joseph. Welcome to the new studio. I love it. You are guest number uno. This is a great look, man.

Thanks, buddy. Yeah. I mixed it up. It's brighter. So like a little bit of the old. Yeah. A little new. Some aliens here.

A little bit of alien shit. This might be annoying. My name behind me might be annoying. It looks cool, but it might not be the right spot for it. We'll figure that out. It does look cool. It's a little odd, though. Yeah.

Me and then a big neon thing of my name right behind me. I sense you're going to move that. It's a little obnoxious. Okay. I looked at the image on the screen. I was like're gonna move that. It's a little obnoxious. Okay. I looked at the image on the screen, I was like, oh, that's not what I was hoping it looked like. It looks dope, right? It's cool, it's a cool sign,

but I just don't know if it's the right background. Yeah, but the whole space looks great. Thank you, I like it. The ceiling, the stars, did you see the shooting stars across the ceiling? Yeah. Pretty dope, right? Yeah, shit.

It's very consistent. You know when all your moves still feels like you're in the same kind of space, you know what I mean? The last one didn't. That one I never sat in. Oh, that's right. But I mean, when, you know, like your second old LA studio, when you moved it to your newer LA studio, it's like the duplicate room, right?

Pretty similar. Yeah. It feels like the same kind of, this feels like that, I think. Yeah. that i think yeah yeah i like it thank you yeah what's it like being in texas it's great man i had a great week here we were in san antonio houston dallas what'd you do in san antonio i did spanish shows oh shit yeah i did spanish shows in each city oh wow so that's what you're doing right now a spanish tour i mean i'm going back next week i'm doing english uh in lexington but yeah that's wild man and and and when you go to Miami you could do both right you could yeah I mean you could do them in all the cities I was in Texas in for

sure you could Diaz you see that in Miami and he was unfollowable oh I'm sure I am sure unfollowable yeah I saw him bury people there yeah cuz he would do like stand up and then he would have punch lines in spanish oh yeah and you would see people falling out of their fucking i saw him in miami do a set last year right the night that he dosed me and uh and he murdered so i watched the show yeah because i finished my show i got another venue and just drove to see him and then he gave me a fucking pill and then i watched his show but he destroyed absolutely destroyed yeah it's that the combination yeah like the Spanglish yeah a little bit of Spanish a little bit of English

with that flavor I featured there like 12 years ago at the old Coral known coconut Grove yeah Club and I used the Spanish that you know that I had like not even planning on it but once you're in that room oh my god it was they go crazy oh yeah it was like a weapon I mean it was yeah if you think what is a percentage of people that are from spanish-speaking countries that live in Miami 97% you can walk down ocean boulevard or Collins Ave I told somebody you could walk 20 minutes just go on a 20-minute walk and not hear English. And you will hear Spanish, Portuguese, German, Italian. Yeah.

Like that. Miami Beach area, man, super, super, like, diverse, multicultural area. Yeah, it's fucking wild. It's a wild area. It almost seems like you need a passport to get there. You can walk into places in Miami and be like, excuse me. They're like, no, no, no English, no English. They'll tell you we don't speak English here.

You know? And it's common. It's not unusual. Not unusual. They could get by like that. It's like going to Chinatown in New York City. It's like a Latin American country. Yeah.

Like, you know. And then you have tons of French-speaking people in Miami, too. Oh, do you really? A bunch of Haitians. And yeah, it's like a big community there. Oh. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.

It really is a super diverse city, man. Yeah. My friend Mark moved there. Mark Sisson. He fucking loves it. Yeah. He moved because he was like, you know, let me just try it. Let me see, because I might not enjoy it.

You know, let me see what it's like. Living in a condo on the beach. He said it's fucking amazing. It's a whole vibe, man. Yeah, and great restaurants all over the place. Christina's dad had a condo there when we first got together We would go there and it was like on South Beach. It was amazing You felt you felt like you had left the country. Yeah, yeah, you feel like you're in the Bahamas or something

Well Schultz has been there the entire winter. Yeah, he rode out the whole way. He's loving it. He loves it Yeah, he loves it. He might stay there who the fuck know. He looks like he's having a good time Yeah, he looks he belongs there. Yeah, yeah hat now an He might stay there. Who the fuck knows? He looks like he's having a good time. Yeah, he looks like he belongs there. He's got the hat now and the open shirt and all the pictures. It fits him, dude. It definitely fits. Yes. Looks good.

Yeah, and he's already got COVID, so, you know. Fuck it. Yeah, he's got the antibodies, so he's just roaming around. Yeah, man. No, I'm coming here. I'm moving here, man. Yeah. I'm excited.

What does that feel like? You know, I've been, you know this this I've been a huge LA advocate defender for years that everybody people talk shit about I'm like fuck you man like I you know I I liked it yeah but I I do feel like it was the whole thing was horribly managed for the last year and I don't I don't like it as much anymore I really don't um So I'm excited. I mean, I've been there 19 years. That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere. Me too. Same kind of thing.

Yeah. And so like, you know, I mean, we looked around, we started talking about it. And then you know how it is. It's like, I mean, your spouse is like, yes, I want to do it. And then she became the harder force in it. I was like, I guess we're definitely doing this, you know? Because I don't think, I didn't think I could ever get her to. I would throw this around sometimes, like the idea. Like, let's move i would throw this around sometimes like the idea like let's move to i love denver let's move to

denver you know because her family comes from communist yeah you know countries and like this idea of socialism is so appalling to her yeah marxism and socialism when she hears that kind of like oh yeah even though it's this minor just woke version of it she's like you fucking idiots like you don't know where this is going yeah exactly exactly it registers differently with Even though it's this minor, just woke version of it. She's like, you fucking idiots. You don't know where this is going. Yeah, exactly. It registers differently with those people. Yes, it does. Yeah.

Anybody that's been from any sort of, any communist country, they get furious. That's why so many people in Miami were Trump supporters. Yes. Cubans. Yeah. Big time. And they were very smart, that campaign, with targeting them. They targeted them.

Like if you just want to study the marketing and running a campaign, they targeted Latin American people in a really smart way, the Trump campaign did. Because they were like, you know that bullshit that you left? It's coming. It's coming. Yeah. And that worked.

They got way more votes than they thought, than anyone thought they were going to get. Florida's just such a weird aberration. Such a strange state. It's so strange. But it came up big this year. Florida came up big. People that would never think about moving to Florida were like, Florida's on the table. A lot of New Yorkers were like.

Oh, yeah. I mean, Florida's always been a destination for New Yorkers, but it was definitely in another gear this year. Do you see what New York's doing now with taxes? No. They just proposed a new tax on anybody who makes more than a million dollars a year. That's a lot of New Yorkers. They're jacking up their taxes.

They're jacking up their taxes to over 14%. Dude, California's going to be so fucked. So fucked. So fucked. I mean the thing is man like I still I like LA I like parts of LA like aspects of LA but it is it is a weird place right now I don't see how anybody could say that it isn't for someone who's lived there like two decades it's dangerous it's

dangerous and it's fucking dirty man yeah there's trash trash everywhere there's trash everywhere and there's no money to fix it. Yeah. And then also, like, how are you going to bring all those businesses back? Like, all those places that are boarded up, what's it going to take to bring it back to what it was? So many, like, these strip malls. Yeah. With, that have been, like, I've been driving by some of them, you know, for a year.

And it's all shut down. And there's garbage on freeways. Yeah, it's weird. Whatever freeway you're connecting to, you know, you go five, one, ten, it's like you just see trash everywhere. It's so bizarre. Yeah, all the sides of the road. Yeah, that I don't remember seeing before like that.

No, well, they used to use prisoners to clean that shit up. You know, that was one of the things that already laying had to do really yeah when he was on parole but then I'm pretty sure he did I know I've seen other celebrities those like the trash that's got a suck man that's really got a suck yep on a hot day yeah not good but it gives you time to contemplate what you fucked up on yeah what you did what you do wrong? Mm-hmm. You know? Probably a felony. Yeah. Wander around, pick up trash.

Mm-hmm. I haven't seen any hide nor hair of Artie through the whole pandemic. No. I haven't even heard a peep out of him. Not me neither. I asked about it once. Remember, we were on our little text thread, and I said, hey, has anybody heard anything from Artie? Has he?

No idea? Nobody. Mm-hmm. I mean, I heard he's just, hey, has anybody heard anything from Artie? You have no idea? Nobody. I mean, I heard he's just like hanging out. Oh, that's probably good. That's good. Hopefully. But I would think a guy like that, you know, you don't realize how much like doing stand-up is a part of who you are as a person. Yeah.

You can be creative. Like, well, you guys actually probably are the best example of taking you and Schultz, like Schultz did an amazing job with his Instagram and then turned it into a Netflix special, but what you guys have been doing, with your live shows, is an amazing example of saying, okay, what can we do different? Like, how do we just do something that a fucking network would never let us do, Yeah. Not in a million years.

Not in a million years. And, you know, it's really been, like, incredible, the response from, you know, from fans who are supporting it. And it makes you go, like, oh, like, it makes me realize how we're living in this shift right now in the entertainment business where we've known that, like like creators can take control and create things but now you realize that that paywall can be controlled by creators and

it's gonna that's going to increase that's here to stay you know like when paywalls first started you go like oh like netflix you try to read an article sometimes like from one of the big publishers right and you gotta you gotta subscribe that is going to be the norm across the board for entertainment, I think, for the next foreseeable future. And people are going to be able to do things like we're doing and have way more control. Do things like make features, make television shows. What we're doing is we have this fan base that loves what we do,

and we're just taking it on the live shows to another level so like we spend money on production we shoot original content we hired like this crazy the best makeup artist did prosthetics and made Christina look like like a like a real whore and it was great and and then we can do these uncensored clips which you can't do on really any other platform. Right. And we control it. And it's part of the ticket. It's like we're going to do X, Y, Z, and we're going to try to deliver on all these things.

And we had musical guests. We've had Marcus King Band was on the last one. And yeah. Who's that girl? That's Christina. No. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Come on. Yeah, man. So I saw that clip, and I didn't know that that was Christina. They put a prosthetic nose on her, lips on her. You want to see how these big tits fart? Go ahead and watch YMH Life 4 now at livestream.ymh.com. That's crazy, because now I get it that it's her.

But when I first saw it, I was like, who is that? You know what somebody said to me this week? He's like, hey, who was that hooker with you? And I was like, Christina. And he was like, oh, when I when i saw it i was like oh it's tom's wife cool with this like that you hang out with this chick and i was like yeah yeah she's real cool so all the tattoos on the fake tits and all that stuff is fake it's all rubber prosthetics yeah it looks so good we got like one of the top top makeup artists in hollywood wow yeah that and that's like part of like what we're doing with those is we go like we got to make it. You always have to raise the bar and like make the value there.

Now, when you plan these out, like how long in advance? You're doing it basically once a month, right? Yeah. Sometimes we're doing another one coming up and then we'll take like a month or two down. Sometimes I go back and forth between two bears with Bert and why I'm a do a live one of those two yeah like the New Year's one where we showed my fun accident oh that was a that was a ticketed event yeah so but anyway we shot that we shot that for the New Year's live show so the whole

idea was we're gonna do like well Bert and I were into like competing you know we always like compete on things right that was the whole idea for that thing and like just make make it a bigger show than normal you know so we brought in animal person that put like snakes and spiders and shit on you know I mean like just make it a more entertaining show and and go harder on it and go go longer and so when you plan out, you plan out the whole format? We plan out, yeah. So the latest one that we did was, I think,

the tightest show that we've done where we go, we're going to do a solo segment, we're going to shoot sketches, we're going to have a musical guest, and then we end on what we call the heavy segment, which is shit that, like, the videos I text you and stuff. Things like that. And then we try to push the envelope on those but then

what comes is like you know when we first did that heavy segment it was like all just like people shitting into his mouth and then you go like hey you can't just keep shitting on people so you start looking for other crazy things and where are you getting these videos dude like one of my producers was like you know i cried last night prepping this clip where is he finding them he looks and people like the fans become like associate producer our email inbox is pretty epic man you know it's pretty crazy and then I I go like I just don't want to see like I don't want to watch I don't want to play murders and stuff you know cuz there's right views that. And then my producer was like,

oh, okay, that'll cross out a whole category of videos. I was like, yeah. That many murders? People will send in, you know, just because it's the internet, so they'll send in the wildest shit. Yeah, some cartel guy getting cut up. I was like, no, I don't want that on the show.

So we just try to push it. There was a lady masturbating with a butcher knife. What? Yeah. Why? It feels good. I don't know. She was to push it. There was a lady masturbating with a butcher knife. What? Yeah. Why? It feels good. I don't know. She was just doing it.

So we just showed that clip. How bloody was it? It wasn't bloody. She had built up some calluses. What? I don't know. She was really good at it. There was no blood?

Mm-mm. No. She had the knife in? Yeah, in. In. Sharp side up. Was it? Yeah. What? Oh, yeah, you saw In. Sharp side up. Was it?

Yeah. What? Oh yeah, you saw it. I saw it. So was it cutting her? It should have been. So was it dull? Mm-mm.

How do you know? Just what it looked like. It didn't look like it was. It didn't look dull. It could have been a fake knife, but it didn't look like it was. Why? Yeah, and see this is the reaction that people want

when they're watching it at home. Because we also encourage people to record themselves watching that segment. And then they send it in and we share those. Like the old two girls, one cup. Yeah, yeah, like reaction vids. Yeah, that was a big one. The two girls, one cup was like, that was where all that stuff came from. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then there's one with me and Red Band where we watched the BME Pain Olympics. Yeah. You ever seen that one? I've heard that, yeah. That was, was that early 2000s yeah it's all like dudes cutting their balls off yeah opening their sack up and pulling their nuts out there was there was something like that challenge for you and burt cutting the tips of their fingers off this dude had like split the tip of his dick and had like a bar in there and like rope wrapped around it was rough man but this guy operating on his eye um himself

yeah why yeah what are you doing i don't know man why did he do that did he have other options he was speaking in russian the whole time so but he was like he was so calm and it was like you know just injecting maybe my friend lex could translate it yeah i'm sure he could yeah i mean this dude was a dirty hands and just like putting pliers and shit in his eye it makes me so uncomfortable there's so many of those videos that but i don't i don't like pursue those anymore the only way those stumble across me is like when i talk to you well you know i only sent like when we get ready for a show you asked me like how we prep like, over a month to do one of these. And for those crazy clips, I ask them not to show me, like, in detail.

Like, sometimes they'll show me a few frames or what's kind of happening because I want to be able to react to it, you know, first time on camera. And then afterwards, if something was really crazy, I'll be like, give me that so that I can send it to people and upset them. So when you decided to start doing this, what was the initial plan? Where did it come from? The plan came from the fact that, I mean, honestly, it really happened total accident. It was during the pandemic and touring stopped, which like you were saying, it affected us all differently.

I was bummed out by that. Forget how much you are used to doing standup all the time. It's just like going to the gym. You know what I mean? It's like getting up and getting breakfast. It's a required part of your day almost, right? And so it had been a few months and the idea came, my agent called me.

He goes, would you do a, because, you know, people were doing live or streaming ticketed stand-up shows. Yeah. And I was like, fuck that. I'm not doing that. I just was completely opposed to it. Yeah, I saw people that were good comics that did that. Yeah. It was terrible.

I was like, nah. I mean, you couldn't even, you couldn't talk me into it. I was like, there's no way I'm doing that, man. Yeah. Standing in the fucking closet. How's everybody doing tonight? No, I'm not doing that. So, get out of here, man. So, I was like, I's no way I'm doing that, man. Standing in the fucking closet, how's everybody doing tonight? No, I'm not doing that. So, get out of here, man.

So I was like, I'm definitely not doing that. And he goes, well, what if you did the podcast? And I go, okay. Then I was thinking about, we've done live podcasts, in other words, at a venue, right? And I was like, yeah, but that has the element of the audience. So what could we do basically to make it,

what justifies a ticket so then that's this is how like the things came about the first thing we thought of is that you know we do we do a clip show every week where we play audio video clips and you go but we have restrictions like there's sometimes we play a video that we see in our studio but we can't show you like on youtube right right so the whole thing is like oh we could find one of these platforms that will let us do uncensored clip so that was just like the first thing and we go okay we could do uncensored clips that'd be really fun to be able to actually show them and then the idea came well we should we should do sketches like we should do stuff to

raise the value of the whole ticket and so it just kind of built like that and so now you guys actually sit down you you have meetings, you produce it. I had to hire more producers, digital content guys, a development guy. And the goal is that we are gearing towards shooting like a feature. Wow. And basically it will be funded by fans. And when you have this feature, will you release it on this platform the same way? I think the idea would be you release it on this platform I think same way I think the the idea would be to release it on the platform first and

then since we'll own it you know we could then license it or distribute it through a bigger company to a larger platform did you have to worry about with that do you have to worry about content because you know well couldn't show those kind no no no but for the feature it wouldn't be like that I mean the the thing that we're writing is it is pretty crazy, but it's not it's not showing like Wild internet shit, you know, it's it's all it's you know, it's scripted. So we're shooting it ourselves So it's like think of it as you know You go to a the movie you see a Tarantino movie you see wild violence. You can still show it, right?

It's a movie but but it would be you know more along those lines words It's scripted in's shot that way, but we're not showing real crazy shit. So you'll show some wild shit, but it'll be fake. I'll tell you what, I wrote these two things that we're gonna shoot that are pretty fucking insane. And that I already had a casting director go, I can't send this to an actor.

So, yeah. So, yeah, yeah. Wow. But I mean, it's fun. It's fun that we can, just that the opportunity exists, you know? Yeah. When are you going to do that, you think? Well, I mean, there's so much going on, but I'd love to get the ball rolling over the summer, you know? Dude, that's awesome. I love it. I love when people take these weird moments where you don't know what to do and you figure it out yeah and you find some new path you find some new things so you adjust and adapt mm-hmm it's it's the coolest thing that's come over the last I mean that

for us has been the thing I was the biggest fan of seeing I knew this was gonna happen and I think I was drawn to it because you want that I knew it was gonna happen because I go like this is what I would do too. And that was all these comics that did their own specials and released them. I was like, oh, this is the smartest thing they can do. Yeah, especially if you put it on YouTube. So many people could see it. Yeah. And you don't have to worry about being censored.

Yeah. I loved when I started seeing that more. You saw Schultz did it and Mark Norman, Giannis, like all those guys putting the special out. And you see the view counts go crazy. And then they're just releasing their own special. Yeah. It's a real smart way to do it. Really smart way to do it.

And this is just further along. Now you're controlling the content. And like I said, like you're in control of the paywall, which is something that really didn't exist before, that the content created. You know what I mean? I think you're going to see that explode to the point where in the next few years, people will be choosing, because you see everyone jumping into streaming, right? It's like Netflix, and there was Hulu, and Prime, and now there's Paramount, and Warner. I mean, that's just going to keep growing, man.

So it's going to be like people are going to be choosing where to spend their money on that, the same way when we only had cable and you could choose like, are you a basic cable person? Do you have the next tier? Do you have the premium stuff? It's going to be the exact same thing, but selective. And then you're going to see bundles. I'm sure you'll see bundles where some of these companies will pair together. Well, if you sign up for this thing, you can get these three bundles together. It's just, that's how entertainment is going to go, at least for the foreseeable future And then there's gonna be independent creators like yourself to have your own little website and you just all that gets done through you

So you're not splitting it with anybody. That's true And and I think there's gonna be a lot more of us and then you'll have you know, you'll say you'll see Consumers go well, I'm definitely gonna have my Netflix and my Hulu and you go great But then there's gonna be people who go like no I prefer YMH and this other sports thing. And that's where I spend my money. Yeah. Or people that have all of them. But it's definitely going to be, that's going to grow, man.

Well, I keep hearing this rumor that Apple's going to try to do that with podcasts. They're going to try to have some sort of a streaming service. I don't know if that's true, though. I don't know if it's true either. But here's what would be interesting. And I think this is also a rumor, that they were going to make it so that downloads only count if you specifically download it, not if you subscribe. Oh. Yeah.

That'll affect some numbers. That'll change everything. Because there is maybe 20 podcasts that I subscribe to that I never listen to. Yeah, same. Right? So they're getting downloaded into your phone, and they count as a download, but I don't listen to them. And so in that case, that wouldn't be a download because you didn't? Wouldn't be a download.

Wow. So you'd have to actively download it. Wow. So you'd have to go to it and purposely say oh the new you know whatever two bears one cave yeah click you have to do that that'll definitely affect people are terrified of that yeah terrified and they're they're saying they're gonna do that yes that'll change everyone's ad sales for sure oh my god in a huge way huge way yeah and um so like at spotify we we get it by streams so i know exactly how many people stream things, which is different.

That is. But it doesn't show anywhere, which is weird too. But you don't get, there's no download, right? Or is there? I think you can download it and save it. Yeah. Yeah. But it's about, yeah, because you can listen on a plane.

It's about how many people are actually listening. Yeah. Versus subscribe. It's different, like you said, from subscribing to actually. It's a big difference. Yeah. It's weird, you know, because you've got to think of how many people are actually listening. Yeah, because that number is different, like you said, from subscribing to actually listening. It's a big difference. Yeah. It's weird, you know, because you've got to think of how many people

have these crazy inflated numbers. That might be like a 50% difference. Yeah. Well, there was an issue when podcasts first started coming along where someone would download a podcast or they'd start listening to it and they'd shut it off and start listening to it again

and it would count as a second download. Dude. And they were doing it three, four, five times. I remember that big shift that everybody who podcasts know about. Yeah. When you saw numbers go like a fifth of what they were for like a month. Yeah, they thought they had some crazy, you know, huge successful show, and then it got adjusted.

You know how I knew it was bullshit? I didn't know, know for sure, talking to ad agents, like our ad agents. Oh, really? Yeah, I was like, yeah, these numbers are this. And they were like, okay. I was like, oh, I can just tell by your voice that something's off. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I was like, what's wrong? And they were like, just, you know, that just doesn't seem right. And then they were telling me, like, and all these other people are saying these things, and it doesn't seem right either. And they said, because we know what that looks like when that's a real number. In terms of, like, the impact of the ads and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And they were like, so, they weren't blaming the podcasters.

They were like, the system is not right. Yeah. Because you guys are you we're reading from the computer like this is what it says you know and they're like yeah that's it's not right and then they over corrected that big time for like a month period where everyone was like I guess my whole audience went away I guess it went completely down and then it kind of bounced out the most fucked up number is the amount of actual podcasts now that's

the most fucked up number it's cuz it actual podcasts now. That's the most fucked up number. Because it's more than a million. Really? Yeah, it's more than a million podcasts. So obviously we're dealing with the entire world. But I think it's more than a million just English speaking. That makes sense. I'm pretty sure.

So which is, in America, one out of every 320 people have a podcast. That's pretty crazy. This research podcast, hosting.org, One out of every 320 people have a podcast? That's pretty crazy. That's pretty crazy. This research podcast, hosting.org, as of April 2021, there are 1.9 million podcasts. Oh, my God. It went up? Doubled. It doubled? Mm-hmm.

That's so many. Dude, it was like a million four months ago. It says there's over 47 million episodes to choose from. So when people tell me they're gonna start a podcast today yeah like oh maybe yeah maybe I mean why not I still think because people ask me sometimes and I mean I might be wrong about this but I still think that like well what's like what is the angle because if it's just sitting around and shooting the you could that could work I'm not saying it can't but it's there's a lot of that there it can't, but there's a lot of that.

There's a lot of that. There's a lot of that. So it's like you start, if you're studying it, you go, well, you know, like my favorite murder, that's an angle. It's like a specific, and that's what I kind of think for somebody who's starting new. I'm like, pick something. Pick a world or something or just some target way of doing it

so that it's unique. Because if you're just like, well, it's me and my friend, Kevin. Okay. All right. Me and Kevin just chilling, you know. The number of podcasts with substantial followings, though, still remains pretty small.

Yeah, I wonder what that number is. It's got to be. I mean, it's got to be pretty small, man. Well, there's so many people that only do it occasionally, too. Yeah, that's a problem for them. Yeah. I always tell that to comics. I'm small, man. Well, there's so many people that only do it occasionally, too. Yeah, that's a problem for them. Yeah.

Yeah. I always tell that to comics. I'm like, why not do it all the time? And they're like, oh, I'm busy. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. How busy are you, man? How busy are you?

What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's only a few people that do it like you or like I do. Yeah. Or you just really just do it all the time. You got to treat it like it's a job. It really is a job.

It is a job. Yeah. I mean, it's a fun job. Yeah. I love doing it. Well, this is the thing we were talking about earlier, like that when I started, I experienced as well when I got a studio, an actual studio where people are like, why are you doing this? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, um. Because I have a million downloads an episode. Yeah. Right. It's like if you had a show that had a million views. Yeah, you're going to sit in your car and do it?

Yeah, so when I started doing that, and I was like, because there's a lot of people listening, like, how many? Yeah. And you would tell people, they're like, wait, what? Yeah. And that's when, like, when people started finding out the numbers of people that were actually listening to the podcast, that's when it started getting weird. Yeah. People are like, how many downloads do you have? Because they, you know, a lot of people people they just obviously will see like a youtube view count

and you're like yeah yeah that's who's watching man there's a whole other segment of this audience that just listens yeah substantial number of people you giant amount of people that just listen in their cars yeah of course i wonder what the next thing is going to be because if it's not just doing what we're doing just sitting around shooting the shit yeah like what's it gonna be that's a good question I mean it really is there and the thing is that I love about like what we're doing with the streaming thing and all this is that you what you can do now is just whatever you can imagine yeah there's are no limitations yeah you really can just make any kind of fucking show you want and you don't have to act

like we all just used to go like fucking show you want, and you don't have to act like... We all just used to go like, do you grant me permission? That was what it's like to be an entertainer. And you had to talk to these people that were so arrogant. Oh, God. And they all knew what was funny and what was good and how to do it, and they would tell you how to do it differently, and you'd be like, ugh.

Do you remember the last time, or did you pitch shows? Have you gone in on pitches and stuff? Yes, it's been a long time, but I have. It's a daunting experience. They're just so condescending and so weird. I did one a couple years ago with a great group of people pitching with me, like writers and producers,

where the executive rested his hand on his face for the whole thing. I was like, this is who I'm – you know what I mean? Like gave you nothing for the pitch. I was like, I don't want to end up with this guy. I hope we don't end up with him. It's just like that's the person – On the set like this when you hit your punchlines? And that guy gives notes.

That's my favorite you know we had notes for this last pilot we did where I was like this is the single worst note what was the note I mean they killed all the comedy and they killed the logic you know like the logic of a scene like there was something about a watch I remember that they were like well who would have like a nice watch I'm like a lot of people you know have you not seen watches watches before like they're like yeah but that's too nice of a watch like for the thing and i was like why is it what are you talking about like that was the conversation i was like no i kept leaving it in drafts you know and they're like they would say are you supposed to take that

out and i was like i'm not taking it out people have watches what are we what are we talking about so they wanted to take a scene out because someone had a watch? And they were like, it's too nice of a watch. And I was like, no it's not. And they were like, yeah, people won't relate to it. I'm like, what are you talking about? There's a whole fucking nice watch industry. People know that there are nice watches, and they were just like,

but it was like that was their, it wasn't even, you know what I mean? That was the contribution from the executive. Well there's a thing about a lot of those sitcoms where they're always trying to bring it down to the everyman level yeah like dumb it down or slow it down the kitchen's a little too nice let's make the kitchen a little smaller a little shittier yeah yeah and i was like let's king of queens it a little bit and i wasn't it wasn't like some fucking you know hundred thousand dollars it was just like a nice watch

and they were like nah no it's got to be like 50 watch and i was like no no no no i disagree and they're like hmm and i'm like this is what you get paid for right to tell me this that's amazing those kind of conversations are so frustrating yeah it's just on but it's only necessary if you need someone to take your thing and then put it on their network yes right right and when they do that they're to fuck it up anyway because there's going to be a bunch of commercials in between it. You're only going to have seven-minute segments, and then you're going to cut to several minutes of commercials and then come back. That's why you have a 30-minute show. Only 22 of it is actual show. Eight minutes is just commercials.

Right. For a half-hour show. Yeah. Which is nuts. Yeah. 44 minutes for an hour yeah it's it's it's that's a lot of it's a lot of commercials yeah and that's the average and then they have to water down whatever you're doing so that the advertisers are cool with it bro the man

I just now that we do what we do it's like the idea of going back going there and especially like that type of thing, like a sitcom notes, like real network sitcom notes. I'd be like, I'll jump off this bridge right now, man. Yeah.

Can't do it. I can't. I can't do it either. I've been offered things. I just, I say that those days are gone. I can't do that anymore. Yeah.

Plus it's like, you can't do everything. You know, you just, you can't. You can't do everything. There's just you can't You can't do everything There's gotta be a time where you go I need to like just concentrate on what I'm doing

I think that's when Things thrive the most When you focus on the few things that you really like I feel like the good thing about podcasts is I can do that and still do stand up Like no problem at all Doing the two of them is no problem at all Because podcasts and in fact I think it stimulates

your brain because you're having interesting conversations with really smart people or funny idiots. Yeah, thank you. Or both, you. And you, you know, you do something. It's something, it's exciting. It's like, it stimulates your brain.

It makes you think about stuff. And then it doesn't take away from your time to do stand-up. But a sitcom does. Absolutely. I mean, it's the perfect, like, if you're a comedian and you're living right now and you get to do what we do, like podcasts and stand-up, I mean, it is a dream. Yeah. It's the most awesome gig you could have. I couldn't imagine a better gig.

No, it's an awesome gig. But, I mean, how many fucking guys didn't have one coming coming into the pandemic and then all of a sudden the revenue was just that was scary man that was scary like honestly i mean i i really counted my blessings you know that that we had the podcast and and because you know we're touring comics yeah so you go like that's that's my job, man. Did you guys start testing guests? Did you do that kind of thing? No, we stopped having guests for a while.

And also people, they didn't want to come in. I didn't pressure anyone to come in. And some people wanted to Zoom. And I was like, I think the Zooming thing works for a one-on-one conversation. This could work on, it's better in person, but it can work on zoom but for like like your mom's house or so I was like yeah I don't want to have someone zooming in to be a guest like it just doesn't it doesn't work for me you know yeah cuz

I'm like they're there and we're showing them something and like it just doesn't so it was fun like doing that doing with no we did it with no guests for two years one time just really we didn't want to have guests for two whole years yeah because the show was growing and I had this thought where I was like, you know, if we can build a fan base that comes not for the guest, isn't guest reliant,

that would be a great thing. Yeah. They're just coming for the show. Well, that's Bill Burr. Bill Burr's show is almost entirely solo. Monday Morning Podcast. Yeah. And Tim Dillon, same thing. Yeah, but those two guys can really fucking talk by. And Tim Dillon, same thing.

But those two guys can really fucking talk by themselves. Tim Dillon's the greatest at that. Yeah, yeah. That's a skill set. That is a skill set. I tried that once and I was like, that's not me. I can't do that.

Well, Tim has Ben, his producer, and so he does all this. Bounce things off of him, yeah. And he's always crying, laughing. Yeah, that helps. But Bill can just sit there and rant. Yeah. And it works. I mean, it really. But Bill can just sit there and rant. Yeah. And it works.

I mean, it really works. It's one of the best podcasts. I mean, it's a top ten podcast. Yeah. No, it's great, man. But he's free, though. He can record it in his underwear in a hotel room somewhere. He can just go up there.

I mean, that's when I realized how good he is. It's not like what most people see where most people go like, oh, yeah, because I've seen his specials, and he's great. And you're like, yeah, no, I know that. But that's not why he's holy shit level great. It's because he can do a five-minute monologue amazing. I've sat with him on a panel in front of a crowd, and he's just talking, and it sounds like bits,

but they're not. Right, right. He's just talking and it sounds like bits but they're not right right he's like just talking i remember i was had al madrigal to my left and i was like what in the fuck is this material and he goes no he just talks in bit like he can just that muscle yeah it's so strong so strong doing that podcast that way yes exactly yeah so he yeah and it's in like your point it translate his pod translates to the stage oh yeah you, yeah, and it's in like your point, it translates, his podcast translates to the stage. Oh yeah, 100%. You know what I mean? It's better than anybody's.

Yeah. Because he has ideas that he fleshes out on the podcast. And then what the fuck is this? And then the next thing you know, it's on stage and it's polished and he shortens it up and tightens it up and adds to it. Yeah. It's like it's his farm league for his stand-up.

It is. Well, that's what Stan Hope said he was doing with his podcast. He was using it like an open mic, and he was fleshing out ideas on his podcast. Because Stanhope lives in the middle of fucking nowhere. Yeah, yeah. Bisbee, Arizona. That's crazy. Have you ever visited him out there?

No, no. Me neither. No. I heard that Bert's been out there, yeah. Morgan's been out there. Anywhere there's a party, Bert's been. Yeah. Yeah.

That's his kind of party. Yeah. Everybody's always hammer there. Anywhere there's a party, Bert's been. Yeah. Yeah. That's his kind of party. Yeah. Everybody's always hammered. No, yeah. I mean, I've also, like, I've seen Bill backstage, and he's like, is this funny? And, like, it's like just an idea. And then he goes out there, and you're like, have you been doing that for six months? He's like, no, just tonight.

I'm like, oh, okay. Well, that ranting muscle is a real thing. You know, just like any other kind of thing where you just regularly do an activity Yeah, you wouldn't think about it and Podcasting is a muscle too right like so like it gets you better at having conversations with people That's there's a skill. There's a back-and-forth death skill and some people aren't that good at it Some people are really good at it, and you get better at it when you do it more often. But you don't think of just being able to rant as being a skill.

Right. Yeah, yeah. And then you can look at your own act as a comic and go like, oh, that was a rant bit. If you don't do them a lot, you're like, that's a ranty bit. And you kind of get away from it. But you see that if you exercise that muscle a lot, you can get good at that, at flexing that rant muscle. Yeah. And Bill's probably the best.

The opposite is true. I mean, we're talking about just talking to people. One of the weirdest things has been getting in contact with people that haven't gone out and haven't been around people during the entire pandemic. There's quite a few of them like that. And they become strange. I had Adam Egan on the podcast before he started venturing out and he had been locked in his home for months by

himself single right mm-hmm so and he was just like pale yeah weird out by everything eyes are all fucking bugged out yeah just like I haven't been around anybody like how what are you doing not healthy man oh it's terrible there's how many people are like that that are in this country right now that have just like this weird mental health dude you know i thought about this when i was like in the hospital and then in in recovery and i know it's not as extreme as as what i'm gonna compare it to but it made me think a lot about the effects of isolation because i was basically in a room, one of two rooms, for three weeks. And my communication with people would be short, you know?

Someone checks on you, oh, check your vitals and leaves. And you're just alone. It starts to fuck with your head, man. What were you doing for fun in there? I mean, not much, man. I mean, I'd have my phone, TV, you know? And the TV is in the hospital, so what kind of channel is that? No, so that was like, yeah, that's bullshit. You're like, how many fucking Korean channels are here in LA?

So they have like a bank of channels for each language. So there's like six channels in Farsi and then six in Korean. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should probably tell people what happened. People who don't know, don't pay attention. You and Bert were doing this dunk challenge. So we were shooting content for our live show,

which was a New Year's Eve live. So that was like exciting. We had done one before where we played tennis and we had like just goofy shit, and it was fucking around and we shot some sketches and stuff. So we had this idea. We're like, we competed.

Let's compete. Let's do basketball, and then we'll do a dunk contest. We'll lower the rim and raise it and see who can dunk on the highest rim, and that'll be part of the competition. Oh, how dare you. Just as them actually dunking. This was the video you just put out

where they were doing before that. Oh yeah, that's that day. How high is that one? That one's like eight, right? And then. What's regulation? 10. Can you dunk at 10?

No, I dunked at nine though, so I beat Bert. So this is like eight and a half right there. And then the nine, this is nine right here. So I beat him, he couldn't do it. And it was over, that's over right there and then the nine this is nine right here right so I beat him he couldn't do it and it's over that's over right there and then you did so right there they're all like oh and Bert's like holy shit cuz he couldn't do it and I'm like oh it's over there's Tristan Jass we went with he's like a really talented kid basketball I won one excuse me I won and and then right after this one of those guys goes uh i think you got you can go a little higher and i was like i remember i i felt the adrenaline you know when someone's like you

got this and you're like like you feel like your throat kind of tighten up you know and that was they raised it three inches that's it from from that nine three so you know just because I I didn't have a lot more room I was like oh that was like it was clean but I was like I can't I can't go that much higher and just on the push off push off on the left foot my left patellar tendon snapped now did you strain it before that not that I knew of I mean eventually when I talked to the doctor about it, he was like, this probably would have happened like doing something else. What?

Yeah. Why? He's just like, you know, he said it was such a strange place for the tear to take place. He's like, it took, first he goes, he goes, you know, it took a tremendous amount of force to do what you did. How did you do this?

I was like, a fucking dunk contest? And he was like, what? I was like, dunk contest? He was like, a slam dunk contest? And I was like, yeah, dude. And he was like, okay. He goes, well, normally these patellar tendons snap in like one of two places. And like yours snapped in a place that it rarely happens in.

Like it's not at one of the attachment points. It was like a quarter of the way down. It's like it's very strange the way it snapped. Hmm. So didn't you do like deadlifts or something the day before that? I did squats three days before. Were you sore when you went to the dunking thing?

No, I was doing 255 sets of 12. Okay, so not really heavy weight? Not crazy weight and like, I mean, but not super light, but like 12. Okay, so not really heavy weight. Not crazy weight, but not super light. But being able to, I didn't have a problem with it. And then, I do remember this. Someone reminded me of this afterwards at my office. That I do remember they were betting whether I could do nine feet at the office. And some people were like like yes, no,

and I jumped in my office in jeans and a t-shirt and touched the ceiling there, and I was like that felt funny. Oh, something felt funny in your knee. Here's the thing about tendons and ligaments, especially ligaments, when they snap, they don't hurt. It didn't hurt at all. It didn't hurt at all.

They just give out. It just gave out, and I don't hurt. It didn't hurt at all. Yeah. It didn't hurt at all. They just give out. It just gave out. Yeah. I don't know if I would have felt pain if it wasn't for landing on my arm and snapping my humerus in half. And that pain was so severe. That was so hard to watch. It was extraordinary pain. And then when Bert takes it and pulls it.

Yeah. Why did he do that? He was like, you all right, buddy? I think he was everyone's in shock will you we should have he have done that is that bad of your arm like that yeah it's not you do you're not supposed to move it supposed to leave it there yeah yeah yeah and I have radial nerve damage and that you know some people would argue that it could be exacerbated by being

moved but some people would say that you didn't. Oh yeah, right there, yeah. Yeah, it hurts so much, man. I could only imagine. It hurts so much. I could only imagine. And then, you know that I did something pretty crazy. So I went to a hospital immediately, right from the paramedics came,

and as soon as I got to that hospital, I looked around, I don't know where I am or anything. I was like, I'm not staying here. Why? I just knew it was a shitty hospital. Where were you? You don't wanna say? I don't wanna say, but I just knew.

I just knew instinctively. I was like, mm-mm. Really? Yeah, and my memory's so, you know when you have intense experiences, your memory's so sharp from it? I remember every detail of a month, like everything. Wow.

I remember everyone's name. Whoa. So I got to that emergency room. I remember that Scott was in the bed next to me, and then this nurse came in. We did x-rays, and they put this straight brace on my leg. They're like, you know, tendon snapped. And then they did a horrible job wrapping this arm in like a makeshift kind of splint brace, you know? And I was like, and then they're just pumping me

through. They're like, how much pain are you? And I'm like, all of it. What are you talking about? Like all the pain. And they're giving me drugs. And then they're like, well, you need to have surgery, you know? So I called my primary physician. I was like, who should operate on me? And he's like, dude, like the two people I would send you to are out of town right now. I was like, all right. So the emergency room doctor there is like, I'll set you up with this person that can do surgery tomorrow and I was like no I'm not doing it here really and I was like I'm leaving and they're like you want to leave here and I was like yep they're like your your leg and your arm are like completely not working I was like I don't care like are you sure I go yeah Lindsey, who works with me, who was there filming, I get in his car.

I mean, it was hard. You got a guy named Lindsey working for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He'll hear this. Give it to him, man. Give it to him. Might want to change that name.

Is he he him? No, no, no. His pronoun, he's very he him. Yeah, so that's his. Yeah, yeah. But he doesn't put it in his signature. But he's a great guy. So Lindsey helps me get in the car.

Sorry, Lindsey. And he drives me home. So I just go home with a broken in half arm and a leg that doesn't work. Why didn't he take you to a better hospital? It didn't occur to any of us. I didn't go take me to a better hospital? It didn't occur to any of us. I didn't go take me to the hospital. Go home. So I went home, and Bert and Leanne had helped set up this area in our house

because Christina was beside herself, so overwhelmed. And they were really, really great. And I got on the couch, and I slept on the couch. Oh, my God. And then the next morning Burt had hired I was like find me one of the fucking like wheelchair drivers like that takes people around he found a guy that for $50 picked us up in a 30 year old van and a 50 year old wheelchair no yes and I was like who the fuck did you find like I don't know so, you know, I do, I tell him this,

that I'm always like, you know, I'm a role solo. Like, I'll be like, I'll go by myself to things. I grabbed him, I was like, don't you fucking leave me in this van with this guy. Don't leave me. And he was like, okay. Oh my God, how old was the guy driving the car? Dude, he was, he reeked of cigarettes.

His hair was so long that when he pushed me like in the wheelchair his hair would like be on my back oh no but i was in so much pain that i was just like just grinding my teeth he takes me to an orthopedic surgeon like to this office and when i wheel into the office that guy goes what the fuck are you doing here man and I go what he goes you need to go to the hospital like right now I go really he goes yeah man you need to go to the hospital right now he goes I just saw like what the the x-rays from last night he goes you I mean just go right right now immediately to the emergency room I was like okay he tells me you know this is gonna be easy to fix. The tendon's like the real work, but just go.

And it'll suck for a bit to wait and everything, but just go. So then I go to Cedars in LA, and then you have to wait, and then we get into the fast track. And Bert is with me. And then eventually I get into a room later that day, and then two days later I have surgery.

Wow. And then I stay there another few days. So what did they do with you for those two days? It was like, I mean, they were pumping me full of drugs. They rewrapped my arm, so they had to take off the old wrap, the shitty wrap. And I was like, no, dude. And then reset it and rewrap it. Oh, man.

Yeah, that was so much pain. And then they operated, and then a couple days later I go to a recovery place, like a rehab recovery place for two weeks. So that's what, you know, you're just alone all the time. Yeah. And it's strange, you know. And the two days of waiting was just because they needed operating room time? Or just like, so I, that's the other thing.

I ended up getting like one of the best trauma surgeons. So I was like in the trauma ward. And this is like one of the most sought after trauma surgeons. So I'm so lucky to get him. And I tell him, he's like, tell me what happened. And I tell him, I left that hospital. He goes, let me tell you something. He goes, that is crazy. But that's one of the smartest things you've ever done.

Wow. He was like, that was really, really smart of you to do. Imagine if they butchered you. Yeah, he goes, you know, because it was basically like, these two operations are major operations. And, like, I have titanium plates in here, you know, and, like, somebody. What does a scar look like? It's just, like, it's pretty gnarly.

I mean. Take your jar and check it out. Yeah. See the whole thing. Dun, dun, dun. Now, how long ago was this? December 1st. And the surgery was December 4th.

Bro, that is a crazy scar. So they went right through your bicep? Yeah. And I love that one of the guys was like... See that again? Pull that up. Pull it up. That's wild, dude.

And I still have, like, radial nerve damage, you know? Yeah? Not damage, excuse me. Bruising. So it's going to take, like, they said up to 16, 18 months. Like, month by month, it gets a little better. Like I couldn't pull my wrist up like this before. If I raised my hand, it would just go like that.

When did this, when did it become better? Like a month ago. Wow. And I can grip things, but I can't use my extenders. Like my hand doesn't open all the way. So when you, you have to like do it? Yeah, or like I just have to place it. But when you place it, can you grab things?

Yeah, I can grab things. Can you do a chin-up? No, definitely not. Wow. Yeah, because I'm lifting weights like four or five days a week, but it's all light. And I just got permission to do, for like months, it was 15 pounds. He was like, you can only lift 15 pounds in this arm.

And then he gave me permission to go up, so I did 20 if i did rows i can do like 25 30 but it's the all everything here atrophy you know like doubt the whole the whole rotator cuff area soup much much weaker it's it's weird like you're like that's not heavy but then it feels heavy, you know? Oh, wow. You know? And same thing with, like, your leg. Like, I can do seated squats holding weight here, but I can't, like, put, you know, weight on my back. Right. But, you know, you do it, like, little by little, and you see the little changes. Yeah, I've been through a gang of surgeries.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've had both of my knees reconstructed. Oh, so you've, yeah, but, like, when this thing was in a straight brace for six weeks, when that thing came off, I mean, you look at my quad, it was just like gone. It's weird, right?

I was like, whoa, and you put it next to the other one and you're like, oh my God. It's weird how quick it happens. Yeah, it happens real fast. The, I did one of my knees, I got lucky, and I didn't have any meniscus damage

on my right side. So when I did that one, and that was one that I didn't even know it was bad. I was doing jujitsu, and I was in my friend Will's guard, and I was passing his guard, but my leg was sideways, and he extended what's called a lockdown. And basically what it's like is your leg wants to go like this, like your arm, and it went that way instead it's like he

straightened it out but he straightened it out like up so it just popped and it just completely snapped like a carrot and it had this uh this crazy sound to it just like just like that i'm like whoa but it didn't hurt it was weird because it didn't hurt yeah we were both like what happened what was that well that sounded terrible and then i moved around a little and i felt it and then can you tell i'm not gonna tell i kept rolling i kept doing jujitsu wow and then um i was home um i was like i thought maybe i just twisted it i don't know but then i was home moving some stuff in my office and it just went it just gave out yeah and i was like oh it's not stable it's blown and then i i i'd already done that with my left knee yeah so you knew what was up i

had a pretty good feeling i went to shout out to dr gettleman and uh he uh looked at it and he goes yep how long was your rehab with that that was quick as that was crazy because that one was a cadaver graft. And the cadaver graft is minimally invasive. There's just two little holes. Whereas on my left side, they use a patella tendon graft where they take a slice of your patella tendon with a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your patella kneecap. And then they open you up like a fish and screw it in place. And that's your new ACL.

And then your body re-proliferates. those tendons the blood flow and everything starts getting and it takes a long time it took about a year for this one to feel mostly normal but the left the right knee rather i went to a party with just a brace on like a couple weeks later. Wow. It was nuts. Like I was walking around. Yeah, these were – I just had a brace on. That's wild.

But the thing was like my active rehab, I went into rehabilitation right away because I knew that your knee gets real tight and you have to make sure that you go through the full range of motion as quickly as possible. So I was doing body weight squats in a steam shower, like right away. Wow. Right away. Because I was just, I knew I could hold myself up with my left leg mostly.

Yeah. And put some strain on it. But what I was basically doing though was forcing my knees to bend deep. And I go, that's okay? I can do that? He goes, yeah. He goes, if you can take the pain, you can do it. He goes, just don't, you know, don't lift weights and don't put strain on it and hold on to something so you're okay.

So that's what I did once I got. And I got, six months later, I was doing jujitsu again. Wow. Which is probably not wise now that I know what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's not totally healed yet. No. So it's like it takes a long time for those cells.

Because what I had is a cadaver Achilles tendon. They take Achilles tendon out of a dead guy, which is a bigger, fatter ligament. And it said it's 150% stronger than your regular ACL. Sure. And then they stick it in there. And then your body re-proliferates it with your own tissue. So it sort of acts as a scaffolding for your body to eventually retake it over. Wow.

Yeah, but this one has had nothing since then, no problem at all. They told me that they're like, this patellar tendon, they're like, that is a fucked up one. It's a big tendon. It's a big one, and your leg becomes, I mean, it's like a peg for the time that it's in the straight, you can't bend it at all. And then when you get the straight brace off,

you bend it like minimally to start. Do you think that you blew it out when you did that thing where you were jumping up in your office? You know, I might have. Because it did feel fucked? It did feel funny, it did feel weird. But you know, we played basketball, we played two on one before

the dunking full game to 11 you know and we you know i was running around and shooting jumping like normal basketball i didn't feel anything weird and then dude yeah just like that it was so strange it you know the whole thing is that the experience becomes, like, so intense. I don't think, like, I can communicate it to people fully who haven't either experienced it. Or the only people who, like, totally get it, like the intensity of the experience and how it affects you, are the PTs. Because they've seen it. They work with, you know, orthopedic injuries every day. Like, they know that it affects you, like, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Nobody prepares you for that yeah so you have a full year and a half really before you're left i mean they told me that you know they're like that leg they go consider that a year

like a year before it's a what you were used to before the arm it's like they go they've seen the nerve stuff because your your nerve regenerates at one millimeter a day. I don't have a cut nerve, but they're like, one millimeter a day is really, really small. They're like, yeah, we've seen people recover in four months from their radial nerve stuff, and then we've seen people that take like 18 months. It goes just up in the air. Now, did you look into peptides or anything else yeah has any of that stuff helped you i mean i've taken them and i i feel better i feel good you know and

i'm like you know i'm eating really clean i'm i you look good or saying when as soon as i saw you like you look thin yeah oh thanks your face looks healthy yeah i feel i feel good and um you know the truth is i don't know what effect the peptides have. I take them. Right. And religiously, I follow that schedule. But to me, it all feels like part of kind of the ritual of rehab. So it's dieting, it's exercise, peptide, all that is part of the recovery. And are you doing the rehab through a physical therapist? Yeah, yeah. I got a great one. How many days a week are you doing it?

We were at three days a week. Then we went down to two. And then, like, now I don't really need rehab anymore on my leg. I mean, I need to work out and get it stronger, which I do, but I don't need her to rehab it. Dr. Karen Joubert, she's awesome. But she's been doing some of my shoulder, arm stuff, working on this.

But the leg is pretty much, just get it stronger now. Yeah, you just look normal when you're walking around. You don't have a limp at all. Yeah. Which is surprising. I was like, I wonder how he's gonna walk. Yeah, it's only four months. Yeah, yeah.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just, I. How do they reattach it? Dude, they take that tendon and, like, basically drill the hole back into your patella and, like, extend the tendon and drill it back into the patella at the top, like where it connects to your patella. And so it's real tender there for, like, the first, you know, couple months.

Like, really tender. Jesus. Yeah. But now it doesn't bother me at all. So no pain at all? I put on a sleeve when I do cardio or any type of weight stuff. Just like it's like a compression thing. In cardio, you're talking like bike or something, right?

Yeah, I do a lot of elliptical. Yeah. So I do like 45 to 60 minutes on the elliptical. And, I mean, it doesn't bother me. I just have that sleeve on. It feels good. The arm, it'll be weird. Sometimes I'll grab weights and pull it up,

and you'll just feel like a weird shooting pain, you know? I don't know. And that plate that's in your arm? Yeah. That has to stay there forever? I mean, they haven't said otherwise. Sometimes they back out. I heard about that.

Yeah. Yeah. It looks pretty massive on the x-ray. Where the screws start backing out. They start poking out of the skin. Really? Yeah. But these are fighters, so they're probably getting their arm kicked and shit.

Yeah, that's true. They're tackling people with their arm. Did you know that with vasectomies, you know they take the basically is take a tube and move it and put it somewhere like attach it to another part mm-hmm that in a certain percentage of cases the tube on its own goes back to where it was yo and reattaches so urologist told me that yo yeah I was like what he goes yeah he goes he goes I didn't believe it when I was in med school until I saw it in practice. Wow.

That the actual tube that we surgically put somewhere else reattaches itself to where it was. That's nature, son. Yeah. Nature's like, no, brother. Make babies. We're going to make some people. Yeah. Pretty wild.

People in this motherfucker. I heard asteroids coming. Pretty crazy, man. Pretty crazy. That is crazy that it finds a way. Have you ever seen neurons in a lab seek each other out? Mm-mm. It's the weirdest thing.

Lex Friedman had it on his Instagram page. It's a video. It's a time-lapse video of these neurons that are in a Petri dish, and they just start seeking each other out, and then they make connections with each other. Really? Yeah. They actually move towards each other.

They don't have eyes, but they figure it out. Like, look at that. How dope is this new TV? Whoa. Ooh. It's bright. It's so nice. I like it.

I like it a lot. But isn't that wild? Look at how these things move towards each other. Yeah. And they make these connections. Like, they literally connect to each other. And looking at that made me think about skills. It made me think about, like, someone, like, say, that plays a piano or something like that.

It's not like you can't learn that quick. There's no way you can move the way a talented pianist has these things in their hands. I started taking piano lessons. Oh, really? Yeah. Really? To help your hand what that and i just i kept walking by my kid doing his piano lesson i was like i want a piano lesson

so you just had to double the person up yep i was like you do grown-ups too and she was like yeah so that's why it's grown up yeah you're sitting with my five-year-old how about me um you know the best part is that she was like, what do you want to play? I was like, are we going to go through like this is C major? Like, you know, I figured we'd start like that. And she was like, no, just tell me the music you want to play. We'll just play the music. And I was like, fuck yeah.

Wow. But the funny thing is like you're talking about that. Watching her play is so unbelievable. Also that I could pull a song up. I like this right here. And she's like, oh, okay. And then just immediately, I'm like, fuck. Just hearing it once.

I'm in awe of people that can do that. Yeah. It's so cool to watch. I was like, I can't believe you can just do that. Yeah, there's things that like, that's why I never understand when people say I'm bored. I'm so bored. There's so many things I wish I could do,

but I just don't have the time. I can so bored. Like, there's so many things I wish I could do. Yeah. But I just don't have the time. I can't go down like a guitar playing rabbit hole. Oh, yeah. Because I'll lose my fucking marbles. Yeah. I'll be, like, practicing all day. Yeah. And I'll sing some cringy song, and everybody will get mad at me.

Yeah, it's fun, man. The piano thing is really fun. Well, that's the other thing about musicians, too. I used to always really admire musicians. Like, you remember the movie, not that I don't now, but when I was coming up as a comic, I remember watching that movie Mo' Betta Blues. Yeah. And Denzel Washington's girlfriends were all trying to fuck him, and he's like, no, no, no.

I got to practice. And I'm like, man, I wish I had that kind of resolve. You're right. Yeah. Discipline. Yeah. You know? Especially as a young man're right, yeah. Discipline. Yeah. Especially as a young man.

Oh my God, I know. Where you're like, I'm listening to my set right now and I need to make notes. You're like, no, no, I've got time for this. Let's fuck. Yeah, let's fuck for sure. Comics, we're just not, in general, not that disciplined about preparation.

True. And there also is like, there's like almost a need to have a certain level of laziness fuck-off nests yeah I mean to write to the lifestyle or whatever but he is yes the best yeah like he's a he's an impulsive wild man yeah but that's also there's these moments that he creates on stage you're not gonna create by like fabricating each line individually like there's other people that are better joke writers but there's not a person who's funnier right or like a more captivating engaging storyteller when the moment hits like when it's when the

moments there and he captures it bop bing ah yeah you know it's like he's got that thing and I don't think you get that thing if you're like... He did that set that I told you about, like in Miami, on 1,000 milligrams. That's so much! I know, and I got up, and I was like, aren't you out of your mind? He was like, yeah.

I was like, so you do feel crazy right now. He's like, fuck yeah. He's like, I'm having panic attacks on stage. And I was like, how are you doing this right now. He's like, fuck yeah. He's like, I'm having panic attacks on stage. And I was like, how are you doing this, man? It's part of the ride. We were on a plane once, and he had a panic attack. And then when he came out of it, he told me. He goes, Joe Rogan, I was having a panic attack.

The entire flight, I was having a panic attack. But fuck it. If you're going to walk on ice, you might as well dance. He takes two more and throws them down his throat. Crazy. Two more. 250 milligram stars of death. That's so crazy. dance he takes two more and throws him down his throat crazy two two more 250 milligram stars of death that's so crazy I mean I see I thought that he didn't

get them I was like oh that's his tolerance and he was like no I had three on the flight like you had three panic attacks on the place like yeah and then we got off and he was like let's smoke this joint I was like no man like I'm super fucked up right now I gave you a breast strip on a flight. Oh, my God. You almost didn't make it. Dude, I was crying. I was crying.

That was to Australia. So that's a long way to panic. It's 15 fucking hours. I was white knuckling it in my seat. Yeah. Yeah. I gave John Jones seat. Yeah. Yeah. I gave John Jones two. Really?

Yeah, I go, don't take both of them at once. He goes, it's just. Oh, shit. He's just not a problem, not a care in the world. Not a care. He was laughing. Whoa, dude. Yeah.

Some people are built different. Yeah. I mean, I've been eating edibles every fucking day for a year, save for two weeks when I was eating oxys and having dilaudid shot in my neck So you doing them at night for every night and I gotta tell you After a year a low dose still gets me going really yeah, I have not I mean like I'm literally Eating them all the time, and I don't feel like a big increase in tolerance are you doing like tens and 20 yeah yeah I maybe it's because that's you're doing a low dose like tens and twenties but I've gone deeper and fucking geeked the fuck

out man like I've been like I'm gonna do 50 tonight I'm like like freaking out in bed the most often I was doing edibles was when I was doing fear factor really yeah cuz I would take these pot lollipops and the whole crew knew when I was taking pot. If I have a lollipop in my mouth, they knew I was getting fucked up. Because it was the only way I could be interested in what was happening. You looked stoned in some of those. I was super stoned. Yeah.

Like sometimes like super stoned. Yeah. And we'd have long days too. Sure. Sometimes you would do a set, like they would set up a stunt, and someone would come in, and they would do it, whatever it was. Then they had to reset for the next person, and it was several hours. Yeah.

So we would be there for like 10 hours for three or four people. Yeah. And it was a long- Long-ass day. So in between- And those were strong, the lollipops? Oh. Yeah.

Inconsistent. Right. That's the problem. One would strong? The lollipops? Oh. Yeah. Inconsistent. Right. That's the problem. One would be like, oh, this is pretty mild. And one, you'd be just like on the verge of entering into the nearby dimension. Yeah. Like the nearby dimension was right there. You could touch it.

You could feel it. Yeah. Remember, I took one. We were filming in San Francisco. And I took one and got on the BART. And we were all together. We were staying in Oakland, filming in Oakland, staying in San Francisco, I think.

And the BART goes under the fucking ocean, and I don't realize that. I'm with the producers, and I'm so high, just like uncomfortably high. Like, I fucked up. Yeah, it's too much. Inconsistent edibles. You don't know what you got. And this one was crazy. And I had this distinct impression that people that I was talking to,

that I was looking at a two-dimensional cutout, like a two-dimensional projection of what I normally saw, but then I could see their soul, like behind it going like this, and then eventually sliding back into their two-dimensional frame. I could see part of them that was not always visible. Really freaking out. I was so high.

And then we're under the water, and I don't know we're under the water. So I'm like, why are my ears popping? And they're like, because we're under the water and I don't know we're under the water. So I'm like, why are my ears popping? And they're like, because we're under the ocean. I'm like, yikes. Yeah. So here I am with all these two-dimensional creatures with their souls peeking at me from the sides and then my ears are popping because we're under the ocean. We're on this train.

And I'm like, this is a place where there's earthquakes yeah like you have this is a you you you built a tube and you can't get those thoughts out of your head yeah those thoughts are starting to go in your head like we're under the ocean right now there could be an earthquake any second speaking of a city that's super fucked San Francisco I have friends that you know moved out of there they tell me Elon told me that 12 of his friends have been assaulted and robbed. In San Francisco. Tech people just wandering around San Francisco. Yeah.

12. That's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. There's assaults up in L.A. and New York. You know what I read, though? I don't know if this is true. See if you can find this article.

They said that contrary to popular belief, suicides are actually down. Yeah, I did read that. Oh, yeah. How is that possible? Because I know that they're up in L.A. I know they were up at least from an anecdotal standpoint by this one guy who's Swartzen's friend who's a sheriff. There was a news piece last night that adolescent suicides are up. That's a big issue with a friend of mine who lives a sheriff. There was a news piece last night that adolescent suicides are out. That's a big issue with a friend of mine

who lives in Vegas. Their high school reopened in person because so many kids were killing themselves. Goddamn. Yeah, like much more than normal. So I don't know when I read something about suicides being lower, I'm like, how is that?

What is this? The Insider. The rate of U.S. suicides dropped lower. Yeah. I'm like, how is that? What is this? The Insider, the rate of U.S. suicides dropped sharply during the pandemic, the largest decline in four years. What do we take from that? That's really- That's crazy. Yeah. I would think the opposite would for sure be true.

Well, not only that, it's like maybe there's... Can you pull that article back up so I can read some of it? Yeah. Maybe there's a contrary article, too, because the problem is, like, who the fuck's writing this, you know? Rates of suicide dropped in 2020, reaching a new low point for the first time since 2015. Early government data, oh, it's the government, shows that 2020 suicides fell almost 6% compared to the year before. It's the biggest annual drop. It's unclear why suicides were less common in a pandemic year,

but experts believe that the early days of COVID-19 brought out a sense of solidarity. Get the fuck out of here. Akin to what we see during a war or a hurricane. Yeah, the early days, that shit went away after a few months. Have you ever read how many gun suicides there are? It's so substantial. Yeah, that's what the gun violence number is.

Yeah, yeah. So when they say gun deaths, they don't always break that down. If the number's like 30-some thousand, there'll be like 12,000 gun suicides. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. Because it's the best way to do it. Yeah, sure. You want to just go right away. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot it's a lot because it's the best way to do it yeah you know if you're gonna just go right away yeah yeah it's super efficient yeah

it's like when someone hangs himself that's me like you know the kid I went to college with his uncle shot himself with a shotgun and didn't die blew off the front part of his face part of the part of his head and has brain damage but his didn't die. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. And he was like, yeah, he's definitely affected by it, but didn't die. Fuck.

Yeah. Did you hear about that Ohio State player that got shot in the face before the season started and played like two weeks later? What? No. Yeah. I just saw two crazy football stories that Travis Rudolph,

who was like, man, this FSU player, who he went viral a few years ago, this photo of him having lunch with an autistic kid when he visited a high school. He just murdered a couple people and shot like four other people. And this other player, I think he played at South Carolina

and for the 49ers, he killed like five people yesterday I think there's two different stories yeah I think the five people were like his family members yeah yeah but I mean that's fucking in this yeah separate stories but like yeah that they both happen like the same day or a day apart dude Dude, head impacts, that is one of the weirdest things that happens to people because it changes who you are. Like if you, and no one understands why. Like some people, like for fighters for instance, like George St. Pierre was here the other day.

He's great, I mean he's great. You talk to him, he's right there, he's right there. He's speaking a different language too by the way. Right, he speaks French sure but he's talking to you perfect in English about his life happy place yeah yeah that's great he's fine yeah like maybe he'll have the effects of CTE later in his life but hopefully they'll have some sort of therapies that'll prevent that but in terms of like every day to day to day, the guy's super friendly, real happy, real healthy in terms of like he's constantly exercising and training and he looks great. Yeah. Looks great. Feels great. Then there's other people, one or two fights and

they're fucked. You know, I was reading about this one guy who fought in the UFC in the early 2000s and, you know, was never really a contender. He had a few fights. I think maybe he had like four or five fights in the UFC, and he's fucked. He can't remember things. He doesn't know what he's doing in the middle of doing it. Sometimes he'll have his keys in his hands.

He doesn't know where he's going. Yeah. That's super sad, and you see the same thing. It's very inconsistent with NFL players. There can be a guy that played 15 seasons and is fine. And you're like, you're okay. But yeah, 10, 11 seasons as a fullback or like bashing heads every play. And the guy's like, fine.

And then a guy played three seasons whose car key's not knowing where he's going. It's not consistent, you know. And sometimes it's just one hit. One hit will do it. It's one hit will you know? And sometimes it's just one hit. One hit will do it. One hit will do it. And then everything's broken from then on. It's really, I mean, head trauma is really fucking scary. So one of the things that happens to football players,

in particular it seems to happen, but I'm sure it happens to fighters too, is they get really violent. Like, not just violent like a regular, you know, it's a fucking violent sport yeah like neil brennan had a bit a great bit about that when a football player would beat somebody's ass like outside of football yeah he's like oh so he just did football where you're not supposed to do football that's very funny like because you know you think about the

sport of football it's like it's so violent it's the most it's more violent than fighting i think i mean and you see you see some of these linemen in person oh like man this preposterous humans this guy could put me through a steel door yeah like yeah like 100 pounds bigger than francis ingano yeah think of that think of that francis ingou's 265 yeah built like a superhero there's guys that are a hundred pounds larger than him playing in the NFL oh yeah and the and every play is break the will of the man in front of you yeah everything you got and the end that 350 pound dude squats 650 and benches 500 and they just fucking inject them with fucking you know horse come horse come every day and they're like kill dude kill that guy yeah and

that's how you make a month that's how you make a living and they give them like a 58 million dollar contract and the guy's like fuck yeah i'll do this yeah you want that rolex with the diamonds on it yeah you gotta run through all these yeah yeah dude, dude. What's that dude? He got into fighting. He was an NFL player. Greg Hardy? He was a fucking violent football player. He's a violent fighter, too.

He's got a big fight coming up soon against Tai Tui Vassa, who's a badass dude from I think he's New England. Is he New Zealand? I think Tai is either New England. No, he's not New Zealand. I think Ty's either New Zealand. He's going to get mad at me. Shooey, right?

Yeah, I think he's New Zealand. But I want to say Australia for a reason, but I don't think I'm right. But anyway. Yeah, it says Sydney. He is from Australia. That's what it says. Okay.

Why did I want to say New Zealand then? Because they're neighbors. Think of Mark Hunt. That's why. Double check. Didn't he train with Mark Hunt? It says he was born in Sydney. Okay. Why did I want to say New Zealand then? Because they're neighbors. Think of Mark Hunt. That's why. Double check. What is... Didn't he train with Mark Hunt? He says he was born in Sydney.

Okay. An indigenous Australian. But anyway, he's a beast. It's a dangerous fight. And Greg Hardy is like... He's got power, and he's a super athlete. He's a big fucking guy. Yeah.

He's at the top of the weight class so he's weighing in about 265 yeah real knockout power and just sort of learning how to fight yeah but he's got a elite athlete skill sure you know like it was dominant for for a minute in the NFL like dominant yeah really fucking people out he fought this guy Alexander Volkov who was a champion of Bellator who's this really tall beast of a fighter, like really good fucking guy. He's really good. He just stopped Alistair Overeem, and Greg Hardy went the distance.

Wow. And it was a good fight. That's a tough, I mean, you know better than anyone, but that transition does not always make sense. No. That's a tough thing to do. He fought this one guy, and he got taken down and dominated on the ground. Marcin Tibura. That's who he fought.

And he got taken down and smashed on the ground. But I just don't think you could have all the skills in that shorter period of time. And a guy like him probably had like some experience punching mitts or hitting the heavy bag or something like that before he became a fighter yeah and then you can kind of teach a big guy who's a good athlete straightforward stuff like how to throw punches and how to move your head and keep your hands up when you punch and they'll probably get but the mechanics of that are so different than grappling. Grappling is there's so much going on,

so much going on in terms of positioning. Don't do this, definitely do that. And when this happens, you have to have this encyclopedia of information just to figure out how to be safe on the bottom. Forget about how to get there and forget about how to submit somebody, especially submitting someone off your back. It's like – And if you – that's when you see, like, the lifelong training where it becomes – you know, the kid's been wrestling since he was, like, eight or something.

You're like, you can't jump in at 30 and start having that same type of awareness. No. You can't. You can't. There's no way. They'll smash you. And that's the thing you see in MMA. These guys are like these elite, top of the food chain wrestlers.

Yeah, the wrestling. That's what takes it to the other level. The power of the punching is its own thing. You see who prefers a stand-up game. But once it goes to the ground, you're like, oh man, this is a whole other beast. Incorporating the two things is like, you know, it's what makes it amazing. But, yeah, I feel like a guy like Hardy would probably thrive more in the stand up aspect of it. Right. And then, you know, he can also because he's so violent. Yeah. I mean, if you're used to fucking people up in football, fucking people up with your hands and your feet are just it's just a

New way to fuck people up sure you know He's really good at this really good at fucking people up right yeah, I mean football is just it's just fucking aggressive And also they're running at each other yeah, which is so counterintuitive for a fighter Yeah, you want to get the fuck away from someone sure something like that Yeah, man watching the ever I think I've said this to you before, but every time I watch a knockout and then they land the one extra punch, I feel that in my soul. You know what I mean? When the guy's out and the guy's in the moment of a fight, but he just drops one more hammer

on an unconscious person. Did you see Francis versus Stipe? Yeah, man. It's like, oh my God. That final hammer. on an unconscious person did you see francis versus stipe yeah man like oh like that final hammer i mean stipe was out cold and francis just comes down from death from above yeah boom yeah it's rough in person that must have been it was rough it was crazy yeah it was one of those things where after the first moments of the first round you're like oh Steve Bay's in trouble really yeah he was in trouble because Francis was really calm and he was pacing himself and he had Kamaru Usman who's the welterweight

champion in his corner is saying stay calm calm calm patience patience patience and so that was like their whole key to like not just implementing the game plan as far as like tactics because they had that down too like his takedown defense was on point. His strategy was on point. Everything was great, but also they had this idea of keep him calm. Because for him to explode is natural. For him to be calm, that's what he had to concentrate on. But when he was doing that, DC said it best.

He was like, calm Francis is fucking scary. He's like, that's a scary Francis. He looks scary. Oh, God. He's a perfect athlete. Yeah. For MMA, because there's a weight limit, right? There's a 265-pound weight limit for the heavyweight division, which doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, I don't understand it. I don't get it either. There is a super heavyweight division. No one's ever fought in it in the UFC. It doesn't exist. It's never been sanctioned. There's never been a fight. He looks like he in it in the UFC. It doesn't exist. It's never been sanctioned. It's never been a fight. He looks like he's made in a lab.

Well, he is. If you looked at the lab of nature in terms of if you want to be a 265-pound athlete, it's perfect because he's not too bulky. He's not like a short, stocky guy, like a 6-foot, 265-pound guy. No. He's much taller than that and long so he's got all these long He's really muscular, but he's ranging. Yeah, and he's losing a little bit of weight to get down to 265 So he really weighs like 275. Oh my god. It was just he's perfect

Yeah And you can't get hit by him. You cannot get hit by him like steep a was already fucked after the first round He was rattled and then he get caught with a jab in the second round and dropped. And then Stipe tried to fire back at Francis, and then he ran into that left hook. Yeah. And the lights went out. Oh, my God. I just saw a highlight that you called of, I think it was Evans, where they punch at the same time.

Rashad Evans. Chuck Liddell. Yes. And Chuck's is like right here like about to connect yeah oh my god it's such a brutal knockout it's one of the worst ever yeah one punch one punch yeah rashad timed it perfectly and that was when chuck was still chuck yeah chuck was still this like super dangerous knockout puncher but you know rashad just he knew that chuck had like this tendency to keep his chin straight up.

And also Chuck, for most of his early career, was so tough that he would literally invite guys to punch him. He didn't give a fuck. That's crazy. I mean, he had defense. He used good defense. But once the firefight started happening, he would rely on his chin because his chin was granite. Guys would catch him and he would just fucking boom. lie on his chin because his chin was granite guys would catch him and he just fucking boom

i remember uh going to one fight one time where there was it was cowboy verse he took the fight late like he was a fill-in he did a bunch of those yeah but whoever he was fighting who was a fucking animal was just teeing off on him and i was like how is this guy still standing you know right not i'm sorry not not Cowboy Cerrone. Cowboy Oliveira? No, he was like a country dude. He had long hair. Roy Nelson? Roy Nelson, that's who he was.

Oh, big country. Sorry, big country. Yeah. He was getting lit. I mean, they were trading punches, but I was like, how are their brains still operating? I mean, they were trading just haymakers. Big Country has one of the craziest chins of all time. Of all time. I have like a photo memory of that playing in my head where I was like, how is he not knocked out?

Yeah, Big Country, he could take a shot like no one else. Up until like a certain amount of time in his career, then eventually everybody starts, your chin just falls apart. Yeah. But he'd been in so many fucking wars. And, apart yeah but he's he'd been so many fucking wars oh and you know he's a really elite black belt on the ground is he yeah you never see it because he's just throws bombs on people yeah very rarely submits people very rarely takes him down I would have never guessed that I know yeah crazy yeah that's where I knew him from I knew Roy

from jujitsu. Really? Yeah, he was like a really well-respected black belt. He was like a really good ground fighter. Like just big, country strong, stocky, but like very smart in terms of like technique and strategy. Knows a lot about jiu-jitsu. But then when he got into MMA, he became a brawler. Yeah.

Because he has power, crazy power. Sure. Like weird power. Power's a weird thing. It's like some guys just have thisler. Yeah. Because he has power, crazy power. Sure. Like weird power. Power's a weird thing. It's like some guys just have this thing. Yeah. And they can just fucking swing, and then if you get hit, you're fucked. You're just totally fucked. Yeah.

Like Derek Lewis, he's another one of those guys. Oh, my God, yeah. Has that kind of crazy power. Is that going to be a fight, Francis and him? It depends on whether or not the UFC makes this Jon Jones fight happen. The smart fight is the John Jones fight. Oh, everyone's excited about it. Yeah, that's the smart fight.

But the UFC's going to have to pony up that cheddar. He made a pony up that cheddar. That was a nice play. I liked it. I liked his strategy for being like, give me the fucking money. But the way he did it. Yeah, I think he's got to at least, see, it's like, if you look at what the potential is, I think the potential is the biggest fight of all time.

I really do believe that. So if they limited his amount that he could earn, not based on the potential of the fight, I don't think that's a good deal for him. Right. And he kind of feels like that his whole career. He's basically gotten good paydays, but they could have been better. Right. So let me get the fucking points on this one.

And this is, you know, we're also dealing with Jon Jones, who is, what is Jon? 34? How old is Jon now? He's still in his prime. What's he weighing? 250. Wow. Yeah. He'll turn 34 in July. What's he weighing? 250. Wow. Yeah.

He'll turn 34 in July. Okay. So he's 33. He'll probably be 34 by the time the fight happens. If everything goes according to plan, this should be optimistic about Francis Ngannou fight. I think it's going to happen. This is on... Today. Yeah. I think that would be awesome.

That's the fight. That's the fight. That's the fight. But Derek Lewis is a big fight too. Yeah. That would be awesome, man. That's the fight. That's the fight. That's the fight. But Derek Lewis is a big fight, too. Yeah. I think they'll do the right thing. I think they'll do the right thing. I think they'll figure it out.

I just think it's the biggest fight in the history of the sport. I really do. Because you've got the greatest light heavyweight of all time, arguably the greatest mixed martial arts fighter of all time, and Jon Jones saying, you know what? I'm tired of this undefeated streak that I've been on this one division where I've dominated every fucking person. Literally beaten every challenger.

Had some close fights. The Diago Santos fight was a split decision. The Dominic Reyes fight was a very close fight. Didn't he have a close one with the Swede too? Yep, yep, yep. Gustafson, that was early on though and he dominated him in the rematch. In the rematch, yeah. That was a fight

he literally didn't train for. You just gotta think, John was just such a partier and so crazy and so wild, but also just extremely physically talented. Extremely talented. And also brave. Just a brave guy. He's a wild man. He'll do wild shit in a fight and pull it off. Mm-hmm fought Shogun when he was 22 years old

He's fighting for the light heavyweight title right Shogun is one of the legends of the sport Yeah opens up the fight with a flying knee to the face who fuck does that? Yeah at first you're fighting for the title You're gonna be cautious. You're gonna be moving. You're going to be trying to be defensively responsible. Uh-uh. No. Just boom. Taking shots. Jumps in.

And then finished him. Destroyed him in that fight. Just beat the shit out of him and eventually stopped him and became the youngest UFC champion of all time. Wow. And no doubt, unquestionably the greatest light heavyweight of all time and arguably the greatest overall mixed martial arts fighter of all time. Arguably. There's arguments. Mighty Mouse is a good argument.

Anderson Silva, when he was in his prime, was a good argument for the GOAT. But it's like if you just look at the overall body of work, what John has accomplished, he's cleaned out his division, he's beaten everyone, he's never lost. He's got one loss in his career, and it's by disqualification in a fight that he was absolutely dominating, and no one else has that. The only other guy that has that is Khabib. Khabib, but Khabib ended much fewer title defenses, shorter reign as champion but arguably a more dominant more dominant career in retrospect because he never really lost a round i mean maybe a couple of rounds you could give to other guys

but there weren't like rounds where he's getting his ass kicked right there was never a round where he lost there was rounds where he maybe he coasted or maybe he fought technically and maybe came up short. But you didn't say that round a guy's ass kicked you. Never. Never say that. Never. And everybody he smashed. Smashed everybody.

He finished everybody. He just beat the shit out of everybody. There's a few guys that made the decision, but you look at what he's done as a champion. He's incredibly dominant. He's really done. He like he's really done I mean he says really done yeah he doesn't give a fuck dude that guy drives a Toyota truck and he lives in the same house that like on in the mountains or whatever day lives in Dagestan yeah and he's a superhero there yeah when he won

they had they had a video footage of the street like when when he beat Connor crazy and the people were going nuts, honking their horns. There was a bunch of guys shooting guns. Yeah. Yeah, that's a whole other fucking thing, man. That's a whole other fucking thing. Yeah. And over there, I mean, he could be the president.

Yeah. I mean, he could be the president of Dagestan if he wanted to. He's a fucking- Oh, sure. He's a superhero over there. Yeah. All of Russia loves him. Yeah.

So he's the only other guy that's currently active that is in... See, the problem with the greatest of all time, it's like, George St. Pierre said the greatest of all time

is Horace Gracie. He only points to the fact that, like, look, if you look at what that guy did when he did it and what impact it had on the sport, I think he's the greatest

of all time. I said, okay, I see what you're saying because nobody else even knew what the fuck was going on back then when it came to ground fighting, and this guy comes out of nowhere, out of Rio de Janeiro, and submits the fuck out of every living human. That whole GOAT thing, though, it is always subjective. And the truth is, no matter how much you cite stats or anything, if two people in their prime never face each other, you really just don't know.

I mean, you see it in all sports. Like the most probably popular GOAT argument is Jordan and LeBron, you know? And, yeah, everyone's going to have their opinion. And also, whoever you saw probably first in their prime is who you're always going to be drawn towards. As a boxing fan, I'm sure you saw Ali fight. And you go, this is Mike. He's the greatest. And everybody who saw him, you always hear it.

And I don't go, no, you're wrong. But I'm like, well, I didn't live through it. I don't know, man. I never saw it. Yeah, when it's happening in your era, that was the thing about Anderson Silva that I'm talking about. Because Anderson, people remember him towards the end of his career when he lost a lot of fights. He got knocked out by Chris Weidman.

He broke his leg in the second Weidman fight. And then over and over and over again, you see him lose up to the time he gets knocked out by Uriah Hall and then retires or gets kicked out of the UFC. I don't know what – I shouldn't say kicked out, I should say released by the UFC. So now he's going to fight Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. in a boxing match. He is? Yeah. Hmm. Exactly. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That boxing thing really has become, you know, I guess people see the paydays obviously, and there is always a thrill to see people throw punches at each other.

It's universally understood. Yeah, exactly. It's like a foot race where you're like, let's see who's faster. Right, right. That translates everywhere. You want to race? You want to race down the street? See who runs faster?

You want to punch me and see who can last? But I don't know, man. Seeing that Robinson, Jake Paul thing, I was like, it was so clear that Jake had trained and boxed more, like when you're seeing the two of them, and that Nate was like super nervous, and just running in, and you go like, oh, this is a lack of experience with boxing,

and he's not a boxer, and I don't know if i mean how many of those types of things people will want to see you know i mean there'll always be some draw to be like i want to see someone get punched yeah but it's not that you'd you'd still rather see high level fighting you definitely would but these guys they figured out something really brilliant they talk a shit ton of promo shit. Oh, yeah. He's great at it. Jake?

They're all great at it. He's great at it. Yeah. Talks a lot of shit. Gets a lot of people angry. Gets a lot of people to hate him. Yeah. And then does these big ass pay-per-views.

That's like borrowing, honestly, from the pro wrestling world. It is. Yeah, that's totally what it is. You ain't shit and yeah i could fucking kill you anytime yeah yeah sign the contract bitch come on pussy yeah and the next thing you know yeah people are paying shit tons of money to watch him knock out a basketball player that had no business doing that yeah and honestly um you know who's always good at being that villain too was floyd floyd was oh yeah floyd knew what he was doing people of course

you know the money team and well that's part of his thing is like getting people mad at him yeah he was good that's what he started to really and then there's people that love it and some people that hate it but they're all tuning in well you know what happened with Floyd too if you go back and watch the early days of Floyd's career when he was pretty boy Floyd he was a knockout artist he was beating the shit out of people but he was waiting himself into the fire and then as he got older and more skillful then he became money Mayweather and when he became money Mayweather He's winning these fights quite a few of them by decision

Yeah But when he's doing that the way he's getting people hyped up is by talking a lot of shit and getting them to hate him Right, so he's a different guy, which is a brilliant marketing strategy. Yeah, because he's the most Defensively sound boxer of all time. Counter-punching defense. Yeah, of all time. So he wins decisions, right? Doesn't put himself in danger. You see him today, like, guy's got no problem talking.

None. 50-0. Well, 49 in Conor McGregor. That's what I always like to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that Conor McGregor didn't test him, but it's like, come on, man. You got a guy with zero professional fights taking on literally the greatest boxer of all time. Yeah.

Kind of crazy. Kind of crazy. But he won, and so he's 50-0, right? Yeah. And the guy talks fine. Totally fine. No problem. Yes.

No problems at all. And you look at, like, one thing you would never tell anybody to do in boxing is, like, box with your lead hand down by your waist. Yeah, and protect yourself with your shoulder it's fucking you have to be so skilled to to do the way he did it yeah you can't teach people that you know it's like you would definitely not teach them that as a beginning move fuck no yeah but he also was boxing like as a toddler you know yeah with his dad and his uncle and like yeah that that family was made to box man yeah boxing is not a thing that I would ever encourage anybody to do because, like, if you don't do it right as you're learning, you're going to get fucked.

You're going to get fucked up. You're going to get fucked up. The training is great. Boxing training is great. Oh, it's phenomenal. It's phenomenal. I sparred once, and it was just enough to let me know that I don't want to do it again, you know?

I mean, it was actually, I can't say it was just enough to let me know that I don't want to do it again. You know? I mean, it was actually, I can't say it was a bad experience. It was actually enjoyable. But, you know, I mean, I got in some shots. I took some. And I was like, you know, I don't need to do this. But it was an experience. You know who was boxing a lot?

It was Louie. Really? Louie CK? Yeah. Really? He told me he loved sparring. I could see that. I go, really? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I love it. I love it. I enjoy it. I spar a lot. He had a video he loved sparring. I could see that. I go, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I love it. I love it. I enjoy it. I spar a lot. He had video of him sparring. I think you might be able to find it online. Find video of Louis C.K. sparring online.

I could also see him almost enjoying a bad- Yeah, like a bad- Going not well for him. The struggle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really embracing it. Well, he was into running a lot too.

He told me he would train for a special, like he was training for a fight. Really? Yeah, he would just be putting in miles and just constantly working out. Also the balance out to overeating and all the fucking standard comedian shit. Yeah, yeah.

Standard fucking up your body shit. Is there a video footage of him as far I'm trying to find this a very old video so it's not yes we're talking about a long time ago that he was doing this posted this on his channel says Louis CK yeah getting a stupid fat ass kicked Oh who's the guy with the Spongebob outfit oh okay but Louie's wearing the black tea yeah yeah yeah oh this is louisck.net this is really old yeah so i was trying to find something newer yeah i think this is like from 2008. this is i think from when he was telling me he was sparring so yeah he's in there like really duking it up and he's in pretty good shape in this video yeah that's hilarious

that some guy put a spongebob square pants costume on to beat him up i was talking about how you know all dudes think that there's the four things that they think they can do that they are probably not even marginally good at yeah is that fighting being funny and driving like you they're all right macho kind of guy things totally every guy's like yeah I'm fucking I'm good at that and then you have experiences like the sparring yeah you're like oh like this is a not what I thought it was and so many people are so much like driving is a fun one to experience that like I didn't know how skilled skilled drivers are until I did like like a private track experience. And I was like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't have a fucking clue how to drive, you know. And then like having these like great pro instructors like, oh, these guys really know how to push this machine. And like it's a it's a skill set. Oh, yeah. And you think, like, if you've driven on public roads your whole life, you're like, I'm a good driver. I'm a fucking good driver. Yeah, that's like the difference between a person. Like, if you see someone like, do you ever follow Chris Harris?

Yeah. He's my favorite auto journalist. He's awesome. He's amazing. And Matt Ferris, great, too. Yeah. Those guys can fucking drive. They can drive.

They can drive. They can drive. They can really drive. They go around corners sideways and they're controlling the slide. They've been doing, yeah, drifting, yeah. They turn, they look like when, I've been in a car with Matt where he's like, I've got to turn all this traction and fucking stability off. All this bullshit. Yeah, I'm like, I'll go flying off this fucking cliff, man.

Yeah, but it is, it's skilled. The driving thing, you can get better at it. There's an intuitive part of it and there's like your natural skills. But once you see, once you have a pro driver show you what's up, it's like, oh my God. You know, same thing like people are like, my friend's funny. And you're like, just hold on a second. And then the fighting and then, I mean, the fucking thing, who knows? Like people, when you ever hear somebody brag that they're good at sex, I'm like, okay, cool, man. Yeah, it's a weird brag.

It's a weird brag. There's other things, right? Like playing basketball. A lot of guys pretend they're good at basketball and it turns out they're not. Are you taking a shot at me? No, no, no. I'm just kidding. Dunking, yeah, that's one that people say they can do.

But isn't that one, like the basketball is a macho thing? The funniest thing is that guys with decent kicks your ass, guys with decent skills will think they're other level. I mean, you see it in every sport. I'm sure you see it in jiu-jitsu. But with basketball, people will think that they're pretty nice

on their local public park that you can play in the NBA. You have no idea how unbelievable NBA players are. These are the best 400 basketball players in the world. On earth. On earth. These guys are other level.

What's that clip of have you seen that? Scalabrini? That's what I was just pulling up. This high school tried to call this guy out. He's a really big white guy, three point shooter. People would make fun of him because he's a typical player. Pause one second. He's a really big white guy, three-point shooter. People would make fun of him because he's like a typical player. Pause one second.

So he was NBA and kind of joked about, right? Because he's a big white dude. And this high school kid, he was a big high school kid, tells him that he can beat him, a fucking former NBA player. Let's see this. Give me some volume. That's not good. What's the game? And they some volume. There's not much.

And they're going to play for their shoes. Dribble around until I get my ass kicked. But he just mans him up. I think he ends up beating him 11-0. Yeah, 11-0. And this kid thought that like... Look at the size of him though-0. Yeah, 11-0. And this kid thought that, like... Look at the size of him, though, in comparison. He's so much bigger than this kid.

Like, the kid can't stop him. Of course not. And he's totally fouling him. Yeah. Oh, this is... He's starting to get hot. Look at this. Wow.

11-0. I mean, that's reality. Do you remember that time that Jordan did that when he was retired to an active player? That was the best. It was an active NBA player. That video is out. You can watch that. That is amazing.

Who was it? Man, I just saw that. You called him out? Yeah. It's happened a lot. No, but there's a famous one it was like the year after he retired yeah and it was an it was a a guy on the bulls who was like he was like yeah you know mike whatever i could take him or i could be the one-on-one he was a

rookie and mike showed up like what what cory benjamin cory benjamin the best one that I heard recently have you heard the Kevin Garnett JR Ryder one that is phenomenal where Kevin Garnett was a rookie and

and JR Ryder is is guarding Jordan and I think they're playing in

yeah it's in Chicago and they're Garnett and Ryder are having a good game and it's in Chicago, and Garnett and Ryder are having a good game, and it's like third quarter, and Garnett says he just starts to feel himself. He's like, yeah, man, he can't guard you. He can't guard you.

Like, you know, he ain't shit. Not he ain't shit, but like, you know, we're taking it to Mike. And J.R. Ryder was like, man, I told him, we don't do that shit, man. We do not fuck with Mike. Like, don't do this. And then he said that in the fourth quarter, he was like, man, I told him, we don't do that shit, man. We do not fuck with Mike. Don't do this. And then he said that in the fourth quarter, he was like, I got to guard him.

Stop saying shit, man. Stop it. You're creating a problem for me. I'm guarding him. And then Jordan went into the fourth quarter with like, he had 18 points and he finished with 40. Like in the fourth quarter, he just was like, fuck you. And then he goes, goes yeah he didn't know

any better man he's a rookie he didn't know that we don't talk to Mike like that that's a league wide it's a bad problem

don't do it well he was such a rabid competitor nobody liked it ever that's the thing is like the stories are all pretty similar

they're just like there was one moment where things were cool and then he turned into a psychopath on the basketball court. And his whole game became, I'm going to break you. Isn't that amazing?

And humiliate you. And he liked it. He liked doing that. Of course. Yeah. But that's how you get to be a Michael Jordan. You don't get to be a Michael Jordan by being like a so-so competitor. Yeah, yeah.

Just a really good athlete. Yeah. That's that moment at the end of that documentary where he's like, he breaks down crying. Yeah. Where he's like, if you don't want to be like that, get the fuck out of here, basically. He's like, how many rings do you fucking have? That's how you become a Michael Jordan. That's not a normal person.

Not at all. You have to be extreme in every way. He's very extreme. The same with everything, man. There was that Phil Jackson quote where people always asked him about Jordan and Kobe, you know, because he coached both. And what was the difference? And he goes, Kobe had to beat you at basketball and Jordan had to beat you at everything. Everything.

Everything. Just super competitive. Yeah. Like even in that thing, in that last dance thing, which was phenomenal phenomenal when he went to the front of the plane on the team plane and one of like the you know the guys that doesn't play much he was like playing and Playing for money and he's like why what are you doing? Why are you taking my money? He's like because you'll know that I have your money in my pocket I have your money in my pocket.

That was his thrill. It's deep shit. Yeah. It's psychological. Super psychological. He used to run a celebrity pool tournament in Chicago. He had a thing that he would do every year. And apparently he was pretty good at pool.

But he would play pool in like this super slick tailored suit. And they had this pool thing going on there where he'd have these. I was, unfortunately at the time, I wasn't really a celebrity. I could never get in on that. Oh, yeah. But I would have loved to have gotten in on that. Oh, yeah. I just love, I love the shit talking. Because I think it's part of comedy, right?

You just love a good shit talker. So every time I hear a good story about him talking shit, because they it's just phenomenal ruthless ruthless yeah that that mugsy bogues he guard when you shoot the ball you fucking midget the mugsy bogues i'm like i was like god damn man but by any means necessary though i mean that's that's who he was yeah yeah you have to be like to achieve that level to be like, to achieve that level, to be like those multiple championships in the sports, you're not a normal guy. I forget who was talking about it, but they played in that pool tournament with him, and they said that they beat him, and he wouldn't talk to them for weeks.

Just wouldn't talk to you. Just angry at you. Just couldn't wait to play you again. Yeah. Even a game like this isn't even his thing. No, yeah. There he is. That's one of them.

See, he's dressed normal in that one, or dressed more casual. But there was another one that I saw. That was back before they figured out stretch jeans. Well, he always wears the weirdest clothes. Does he? He is the richest man with the weirdest wardrobe. Really? Yeah. How does he dress? Have you ever seen What the Fuck is Mike Does he? He is the richest man with the weirdest wardrobe. Really? Yeah.

How does he dress? Have you ever seen What the Fuck is Mike Wearing? No. Have you seen that? WTF Mike Wearing? It's just pictures of his outfits. Really? Yeah, because it's ridiculous.

Because everyone's like, wait, don't you have money? I think that's the same day right here, that outfit. Well, that one, okay. Those jeans are preposterous. They're almost bell bottoms. Those are crazy. Look how oversized that coat is. Okay.

That is odd. This one, these aren't even the worst ones. The other ones are normal. No, there's other ones that are real crazy. So they're just running out of content there. Okay, that one's weird. What are the sneakers around his neck? Those sneakers?

That's a chain. That's a chain? Jordan 1. Come on. Maybe? That's not even that bad. What is that? That might a chain. That's a chain? Jordan 1. Come on. Maybe? That's not even that bad. What is that? Is that a zipper?

That might be on the shirt. It might be on the shirt. Yeah. There's – Like, go back up. Wait a minute. Go back up. What's that?

Look at those pants. Those are crazy. Those are ridiculous. Those jeans are ridiculous. That's insane. Yeah, that suit's odd. That jacket and those pants. That's odd.

That's wild. That's a wild look. Yeah. But isn't he worth like a billion dollars? Yeah, or more. More. Yeah. Yeah.

His Air Jordan Royalties, like this is a guy, so the shoe industry for basketball players is enormous, right? Yeah, it's everything, right? Oh, it's so big, man. It's so much money in sneakers. And they'll break down whose shoes are the best. And usually you're talking about active players. He hasn't played in like 20 years.

He's number one by a mile, okay? And huge drop-off to like LeBron, Kobe, Steph, and all those guys. His royalties per year, for a guy who's not playing, for Air Jordan stuff, it's like $60 to $100 million a year, just on... $100 million. Yeah.

Just in sneaker sales. Just like, here you go. So what do you do when you're a guy like that who's not even playing the game anymore, and you're making $100 million a year? What do you spend it on? I mean, he bought a fucking NBA team, and then he builds builds golf courses like for fun like he just you know he has resorts and shit now like god damn

yeah i mean what else i don't know like what else do you do yeah he's not wouldn't you get bored after a while doing well you see that like everybody usually like at that level does like kind of the same like crazy house plane yacht and then yeah you're like what else i need to then they start doing other businesses yeah you know i'm gonna own an nba team i'm gonna open i'm gonna own a minor league hockey team you know they just start yeah i guess the the thing to do it seems like is at least invest in things that are of interest to you which seems like what he did you know because he loves playing golf he did. Because he loves playing golf, he loves basketball. Well he loves gambling and golf, that's his thing.

He does, and I heard that what he'll do is, if we were all on the golf course together, he'll bet with each of us differently based on what he knows, what kind of money we have. So, you know what I mean? He'd be like, I'll bet you $100 a hole, you $1,000, you $10,000 a hole. So everybody has different bets going with him

of different amounts, and apparently he is quick to collect like when the round is over he's like you owe me seventy thousand dollars like are you gonna go get it or when are we doing this but didn't he have an issue where he didn't pay his gambling debt there's all these guy who was uh did an article for like gq or something there's articles and there's books written about it And I mean, you know, yeah There was always that theory that he was when he was playing baseball that it was like an under-the-table Suspension by the NBA for his gambling, you know, really that was a that was a big Theory, you know that is real. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the that was the main thing that people were like how does the fucking greatest basketball player ever just be

like I'm gonna go play baseball it doesn't add up you know because there was the truth like there was the story of course that his dad had been murdered and how it affected him and they had their bond over baseball but a lot of people said that it was him serving a kind of quiet suspension you know how long did he play baseball for seat one season right or like he was him serving a kind of quiet suspension. How long did he play baseball for? One season, right? He was gone for a year and a half. Right, but it was one baseball season, I think.

Just that alone is wild. It is. And he made Space Jam in the middle of it. Did he make it during that? Yeah, that's part of the movie was him being on the baseball team. Wow, yeah. Amazing. I mean, ridiculous.

I mean, in that doc they show you, they're like, that coach was like, man, he was, for guys who had been playing basketball, like, he was pretty fucking good at baseball, man. Like, the first time, you know, first season playing, you know, it's minor league baseball. Like, he was not bad, you know? And he probably would have eventually

gotten to a real I mean incredible speed obviously athleticism. And also just the drive. It's all mental. It's like the drive to be a champion. But it's not all mental right? Because he couldn't go right straight into the major league baseball.

You still needed to work out the skill sets of playing major league ball yeah no he need he you still needed to work out the skill sets of playing major league ball he played a little bit when he was younger right he loved baseball i know he played as like a like a kid and in high school and everything he loved it he loved it he was obsessed with baseball and golf outside of basketball baseball's a weird sport right because it's other than japan and a couple countries, it's really not universally adopted. The place that loves baseball is Latin America, mostly the Caribbean places. Why do you think that is?

I don't know why. I mean, part of it is you go the stick and the ball thing, like poor, simple. Soccer. Yeah, like kick the ball, hit the ball. And also I think some of these places where people, these communities really know each other. Like I did this, these Spanish shows, brought a Puerto Rican comic and a whole bunch of Puerto Ricans flew in to watch her do a set.

So supportive of one of their own. And I think when you saw, like when people in the Caribbean saw Dominican or Cuban players like really making it to the big time, it just made it so much bigger in those communities, you know. Because you see them like really succeeding at a huge level. And it's inspiring to like the whole island, man.

Yeah, and there's so many different places, like Dominican Republic, Cuba. Yeah, Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they love baseball, man. Yeah. Yeah, they love it. It's interesting.

It's like that feeds into the American scene, right? Yeah. Do they have their own major league teams down there? I don't think so. I know that the Dominicans, baseball is huge in the Dominican Republic, but they're all playing to get to the majors. But as far as other countries in Europe,

it never caught on. They don't give a fuck about baseball. Yeah, but Japan did. Japan loves baseball. I wonder what made that happen. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, maybe it's having a few big stars or something. I don't know. Maybe it's a post-war occupation thing. Could be.

When did baseball become popular in Japan? Because in the Philippines, the United States had military bases in the Philippines, and then they brought pool to the Philippines. And the Filipino players became literally the best pool players on earth. Really? Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah, I mean, at this point in the game, there's quite a few European players that are really good

and quite a few American players that are really good. But if you ask people pretty universally, you know, you say Michael Jordan is thought of as the greatest basketball player of all time. Efren Reyes, who's Filipino, is pretty widely recognized as the greatest pool player of all time. Efren Reyes, who's a Filipino, is pretty widely recognized as the greatest pool player of all time. Yeah. Pretty widely recognized. Basically, it's a similar thing to a Jordan type argument.

Have you watched, man, that Netflix docuseries F1, Drive to Survive? No. That's one of the best docuseries I1, Drive to Survive. No. That's one of the best docuseries I've ever seen. Yeah? Yeah. What is it? There's three seasons where they follow a season of Formula One. And I go into this being like a car enthusiast, but I never followed professional racing of any of them, you know?

But it's brilliant the way they do it. them you know but it's it's brilliant the way they do it so they just it's cut and shot in a way that you emotionally invest in people and storylines so you know you'll see a driver who is on the outs with his team and and they they base it's documentary style but they they do it so well that you get emotionally hooked to the story. And at the same time that you're emotionally hooked to like, oh, is this guy going to make the cut? Are they going to cut him? Another guy switches teams, like he leaves this team and goes to the other team and there's just all,

and you feel like so invested. Like the end of the first episode, you're like, I guess I'm a big fucking Formula One fan, you know? And then they cut to the races, which like the way they cut it, you know, a normal race is like 90 minutes, but in the episode it might be cut down to like three minutes, but it's the most dramatic parts of the race. And I mean,

you'll just rip through a season. It's so well done. It's the best version of that type of show that I've ever seen. And what's the name of it again? It's called Formula One Drive to Survive. Or F1 Drive to Survive. And it's on Netflix and it's, it's really tremendous. And you can, it has that feel where you're like, this feels like this was almost designed to get people into the sport, but in a very, not in a blatant way. Like you feel like you're, you're watching

something that is just taking place but at the end of it you're like i fucking i want to see a race now well they do a formula one race here they sure do the uh yeah the austin grand prix at the when is that july i think bro we're going i'd love to go we're going it's a couple months from now we're going jamie you in fuck yes dude can we get a like a booth or some shit? Sure. What do you do? I think that could be arranged. How do we do that? Let's make some calls.

Can we just- I think someone's- I got emails, I think, already. Oh, okay. And now you've said it. Okay, yeah. Now we've said it. That just seems like an amazing thing to do.

And these guys, but going back to like the skill of driving, Jesus Christ, man. Oh my God. These are the most insane drivers on earth. They're going so fast, man. Oh, my God. These are the most insane drivers on earth. They're going so fast, too. Dude, in the straights, hitting 215, 225. I mean- Have you ever seen the difference between a GT3 car completing the same circuit and in a Formula 1 car?

No. It's pretty wild. See if you can find that video. It's on YouTube, and it essentially shows the exact same path being taken by a GT3 car and the Formula 1 car just... Oh, it's... So fast. You know the Top Gear show?

Hey, watch this. See the difference? On the left is the GT3 car. Watch this. Fucking so fast. Oh, my God. And the sound is so amazing. Listen to that sound.

You know, it's like. Listen to that sound. Yeah. You know, it's like it's a sophisticated sound. There's a sound that comes from, like, a rumbling V8, which I'm a meathead, right? I love those cars. Sure. I love that sound. Yeah. But then there's a sound that comes from, like, a Porsche when it's at, like, 8,000

RPMs. It's like, it's a better sound. It's singing. Oh, is it October? Yeah, October. Oh, it's October. There's a NASCAR one here, too. Naturally aspirated better sound. It's singing. Oh, is it October? Yeah, October. Oh, it's October. There's a NASCAR one here, too. Naturally aspirated Ferrari sound.

Might be the best fucking sound you can hear. Those naturally aspirated cars up to like 458. Oh, my God. Yeah, man. See if you can find a video of exhaust note of Ferrari 458. Oh, it sings, man. It sings. Those Italians, man. It sings. Those Italians, man.

I don't trust their work. You know? I trust their suits. Yeah, they're probably staring at someone's ass. Do you want a particular exhaust? Just exhaust note. Just an IP exhaust, Novatec. There's multiple.

Oh, those are aftermarket exhausts. Those are aftermarket, yeah. Just exhaust. One in a tunnel. Okay, give me that. One in a tunnel is always good. Loudest ever. How about that one? Tun exhaust. One in a tunnel. Okay, give me that. One in a tunnel is always good. Loudest ever. How about that one?

Tunnels are always good. Yeah. Echoes things. There's that great tunnel in Angelus Crest. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Oh.

That sound. Yeah. There we go. God, what a sound. Fuck, that's a car. Yeah. So beautiful, too. Those are fucking badass.

Such a classic. But, you know, I understand that they wanted to move to turbos to make them faster and shit like that, but... That's a sexy sound, man. You take away a little bit of that. And apparently those are, like, in high demand now. Yeah. Even more so than 488s because people want that sound. They like the sound, man. You take away a little bit of that. And apparently those are like on high demand now, even more so than 488s because people want that sound. They like the sound, yeah. And the feel, the instantaneous feel of the naturally aspirated engine.

I want to see what that SF90 Stradale is like. Preposterous. Yeah, preposterous. They make some preposterous cars. They sure do, man. You know, I know you have a lot of nice cars, Tommy, and you like the nice cars. But you think, there's another step. There's a step that you have to take there's like an extra douche step oh that's a big step man i'm not taking that step that step's a weird step that's a weird step i'm not doing that driving around in a ferrari yeah that's a you got your dick out on like a tie

like you just yes you do hanging it there fuck you yeah it's, it's like, fuck, I have a red Ferrari, bitch. Yeah, Greg Fitzsimmons had a great bit I saw him do about guys in a Ferrari. He goes, he says something like, I'm paraphrasing, but he's like, I'm going to stop light. I'm looking around, you know? He's like, guys in a Ferrari,

they look straight fucking ahead. Like, they don't look around. They're just straight forward. It's true. What is this? This is the SF90 finale. Wow. That's a half a million dollars, right?

More than that. More, yeah. How much? Starts at 625. And it's a thousand horsepower? Something like that? And by the way, you can't negotiate. Oh my God, that's amazing.

Is that a 2021? Yes, it's a new one. Can I get some volume on this? God damn, that's pretty. Isn't it? This is their highest performance, like, production model ever. Look at that thing. Just look at it.

Amazing. Oh, my God. It looks like it's from another planet, doesn't it? It does. It does. Look at that. Wow. Yeah, who are, like, that is a move if you go,

oh, I drive this around. Yeah. You know, it's like if you were a single guy, you're sending a very clear signal. What's the signal? Signal is this isn't gonna last. I like to fuck. Yeah. I make a lot of money. A't gonna last. I like to fuck. Yeah.

I make a lot of money. A lot of money. And I got one of these. So what do you wanna do? Nothing? Okay, goodbye. There is that thing, I think that, with loving cars where there's cars where you go,

oh, I could pull up to a fucking store, a convenience store in a certain car. Yeah. And then if I pulled up in that, I would feel ridiculous. Yeah, and vulnerable. Yeah. Everybody's going to be mad at you. Yeah.

What are you doing, bitch? Yeah, for some reason. Buying a Slim Jim? I feel like the Porsche thing, I just don't feel like those are as ridiculous. They're not as ridiculous. They're kind of. They're kind of ridiculous, but there's another step another step yeah above Porsche there it is that's it yeah there there's no daily driver Ferrari right well they tell you I mean the the new Roma is like they're you know

like they're yeah that feels like they're uh they're daily driver that's the front engine v12 no that's that's the um which one's that that that's the a12 yeah no that's, that's the Which one's that? That's the 812 That's after the 488 You're deep in this. Yeah, the 812 is the front engine with the V12 This is their, you know, this could be a daily driver. Oh, so it's like a 911 Yeah, this is kind of, you know That's fucking beautiful

It's gorgeous, yeah. People say a lot People say the front end looks like an Aston Martin. Whatever. That thing is slick. That's a slick car, man. And that really could be a daily driver. Yeah, I guess. It doesn't have that exotic-like thing.

I don't want my people making your car. They're crazy ape people. They make great food, and they make beautiful things, but they're just not. Well, that's a look at that fucking navigation screen, too. They got a dope... They used to have the worst electronics. Like, their radios were always dog shit. Yeah, yeah. They always sounded terrible, and no one cared.

Nobody gave a shit. The other thing about Ferraris is nobody fixes them up. Like, nobody takes a Ferrari and then customizes it, like Shark Works or that kind of thing. I mean, sure, people do now. But it's not a normal industry. Like for Porsche, from the beginning of time, there's been like an outlaw Porsche industry. Oh, it's huge. Yeah, it's huge.

They take people like Shark Works or what was the other company? BBI. Oh, yeah, these guys. BBI, the company that you were telling me about that puts a 4.5 liter engine in a boxster dude they do it in the in the 718 the cayman and the boxster yeah the spider little mid-engine car yeah i gotta give them a shout out because that is unbelievable yeah and it's such a sick car already because it goes against a lot of what the trends are with modern cars. Demand Motorsport. Demand.

D-E-M-O-N? Yeah. Demon? D-E-M-A-N. Sorry. Demon. Demand. In Blovelt, New York.

4.5 liter GT4 upgrade with 500 horsepower. That's fast. That's fast. And that mid-engine. That's a little tiny car. Yeah, man. What does that weigh? That thing doesn't weigh anything.

It can't weigh much. I bet that weighs like 2,900 pounds. Probably right around 3,000 or something, yeah. Is this the different? Versa GT3 RS. Oh, boy. Yeah, this is with their engine in it. Oh.

See, they're on top there. Yeah, they're dusting some poor guy in a GT3 RS. Pretty wild. There's a thing about the Cayman where they always held it back. Ferrari, or Porsche did a weird thing where they made the best design. They're 560? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Meet the shop building the 560 horsepower, 4.5 liter Cayman GT4 that Porsche wants. That is so fast. I'll be giving you guys a call. Super excited. But the thing is, Porsche could have done that. Porsche had to make sure that all the 911 owners didn't get pissed. Isn't that crazy? It is kind of silly. I mean, they basically built this mid-engine mini 911

that people were like, oh, this thing handles insanely well. This is perfect. Perfect balance. Perfect balance. Perfect sports car. And then they were like, we just want a little more juice in this thing. And, you know, Porsche said, no, we're not doing it. They held it back.

They held it back. But then companies like this were like, oh, we'll give you what you want. Yeah. But what does that do to your warranty? It throws it out the it. They held it back. They held it back, but then companies like this are like, oh, we'll give you what you want. Yeah, but what does that do to your warranty? It throws it out the window, right? For sure it does. Out the window. Every car that I take to the dealership now, they're like, you know there's no warranty on this anymore, right?

I'm like, yeah, I don't care. Yeah, if you can do that, you should do that. But even a regular GT4 is amazing. It's so great. It's such a well-balanced fun car to dry and it's the only one of those kind of cars you can get that's an actual manual transmission it is yeah they the gt3 just started um they didn't offer it before in the pdk and they do now oh do they yes i know but they still offer the manual Yeah. There's a lot of cars that they just stopped. Like the American cars, like the GT500, the Shelby GT500, no more stick.

It was always stick only. Yeah. I thought that was strange. And all the like Ferrari Lambos that we all kind of like were blown away by as kids, like those- Sticks. Those were all sticks. And Ferrari doesn't make anything manual. So weird. Learn like a man. Learn how to shift your own gears. It's fun. kids like those sticks those are all stick and fry doesn't make anything manual so weird learn

like a man learn how to shift your own gears it's fun it's more fun to drive i learned late man how old were you 38 or 9 oh really yeah what car did you learn on on an m2 that car you learned on that car well i learned before i got before i got it i I ordered it without knowing how to drive it. What? And then I found a guy who was like teach manual, and I went in his car, which was like a Honda, and I just, you know, I did like a couple hours. Yeah, yeah, just so that when it arrived,

I would have some idea what I was doing. And then I just drove my M2 out of Willow Springs a couple weeks ago. Did you really? Yeah. How was that? So fucking fun. just drove my M2 out of Willow Springs a couple weeks ago. Did you really? Yeah. How was that? So fucking fun. Well, your M2 is like how many horsepower?

600. Yeah. Well, that's a tiny little car too, right? It is. Perfect size. It rips. Is it bigger, that M2, or like an older, like a 2000 M3, like a E46? What is bigger?

Is it a bigger car, or is it the same size car? I would think that the, well, if it's an older M, I think the M2 would be a little bit smaller, I think. Really? I think so. It must be so nimble. Yeah. It does handle well, but my favorite are those Caymans.

Yeah? For the small, fun, like sporty drive. I think that's the best one. And you had one of those before. You had a GTS. I did. I had a 981 GTS and I sold it

and I missed it like right away. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. I was just like, oh, I'll just get something else and like within a couple weeks,

I was like, I fucked up. And you just loved the, I just loved, it really just, I was telling someone really just I was telling someone today I was telling Richard yesterday via he was like what's it like I go it's honestly like a go-kart yeah I feel like you're driving

a go-kart you know but like in the best way super low to the ground really connected really raw feeling and so much like so incredibly balanced it was like the most fun canyon car. You know, in L.A., taking those canyons, like late at night, leaving the comedy store, go up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Super fun. I used to love going up Laurel. Yeah, yeah. Really fun, man.

Those are a thrill to drive. And then on a track, Jesus Christ. Do you ever drive an electric? Any electric cars? I got to drive, I've driven a few Tes Teslas and I got to drive a couple Taycons, the Porsche electric cars. That's supposed to be really good. Unreal.

I drove the 4S, my dad got a 4S, and then I drove the Turbo S, like their fastest one, at the Porsche driving experience, and the guy was like, pin your head back, bro. Like, pin your head back when you do launch control on this thing. And when he said it, I was like pin your head back bro like pin your head back when you do launch control in this thing and as when he said it i was like okay and then he walked away and i didn't and right away i was like huh and like i was like oh fuck oh yeah like that's hilarious i mean that's like zero to sixteen like two five or two yeah like unnaturally fast you know yeah

that's what my tesla. That's really fucking fast. It might be 2.2 seconds or something. It's really insane. You know what's weird, though? That they call it a turbo. Yeah, that's all. I know. And anybody is like, what?

But it's because that marketing is too. Stop being so German. Yeah. Come up with a new name. Have you seen these? What is this? Lucid's car. What is it?

They're calling themselves tesla's competitor but it's like a luxury ev a thousand thousand horsepower 500 mile batteries so they're claiming 160 wait is this vapor no i so they aren't out yet but they have started showing production as far as i know they started showing production yeah like people have been wondering like is this vaporware or whatever? Who's behind it? Jeff Bezos. Lucid Motors. I don't know.

I don't honestly know. I just started hearing about it online. Did you ever think about that it was strange, like, that a guy that rich and powerful, how crazy it is that his phone got hacked? Do you know the story? Well, I know, like. Do you know what happened? How his phone got hacked? Wasn't it, like, the girl's brother?

No? No. That's what they thought. It's a Pegasus software. Do you know what happened? How did his phone got hacked? Wasn't it like the girl's brother? No. No? That's what they thought. It's a Pegasus software, and it was used by MBS, Saudi Arabia. Really? Yeah. They sent him a link on WhatsApp.

On WhatsApp. Yeah, I remember that. He clicked on it and downloaded it into his phone. But it's all detailed in the movie The Dident doesn't that documentary like it doesn't party you go it's crazy that that that there's something that simple happens to that let like yes that level person yeah yeah cuz like in my mind I was like wouldn't he have like a phone that we don't have access to and right you know yeah some type of security that like we don't even know about. Like he owns it.

I bet he does now. I bet he does too. Yeah. I bet he does too. Now I'm sure he's very aware of what could go wrong if you say the wrong thing on the text message. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what Signal exists for.

You know? Yeah. That's what I use, that messaging app. What's that? It's an encrypted peer-to-peer encrypted messaging app. So it's like yours is encrypted coming to me mine's encrypted coming to you really yeah it doesn't it's its own app it's its own app oh cuz I have a different one what do you have I have an app that does that

too I think it was telegraph I think it was Cubans um mark Cubans yeah yeah oh I think it was the one he was behind. I downloaded it, and I started, I used it with, like, one or two other people. And as you, like, when you read it, then it goes away. Dust. Yeah. Dust?

Is that what it's called? That's what this says. Oh. Mark Cuban's texting. Yeah, you can do that with Signal. Signal, you also make phone calls, encrypted phone calls. Yeah. It's interesting,

because people are realizing that, like, hey, these big tech companies, like, their access to your stuff through applications. Like, even iMessage, which is more secure than Android messages because Android messages are what they call SMS. And iMessage is its own thing. And what it does is it goes through a server, and that way it can be on your phone. And you can also get those messages on your iPad or your laptop if you use Apple for those things. But the problem is it's going somewhere else. Like it's somewhere, not just on your phone.

Whereas Signal is just on your phone, and it goes to your phone and my phone, and it doesn't go through anybody else. Oh. And it's encrypted. So you text through that? Yes. Oh. Yeah.

That's pretty cool. Yeah. So important messages, anything where it's like financial, anything, you should probably do it through that. That's good to know. Yeah. And it can go away. You can also have it vanish. That's great.

Yeah. There's this one dude that I know who's a tech guy who's a very wealthy coder guy, and we were talking about something, and I said, I'll send you this link. He's like, don't send me that. He goes, send it to me on Signal. Like he didn't want me to send him a fucked up video on his regular phone. Wow. I'm like, okay.

Well, yeah, I mean, you kind of get the sense that, you know, you hear about things being leaked. I mean, you see it all the time. Everybody has that fear, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. But that was because of Jamal Khashoggi, who was a reporter for The Washington Post who wound up murdering. And that's all taken. It's all in the documentary where they explain exactly what happened. Yeah, because he goes to the Saudi consulate

or the embassy in Turkey, right? In Istanbul. And then they fly in a team and fuck him up. Yeah, they knew he was coming and there's an audio recording apparently of it. It's heavy-duty shit, man. It's heavy-duty shit.

And the documentary is intense. Have you seen it, The Dissident? I saw part of it. It's really good, man. It's really good, and it's really shocking. Yeah. You know, and then... I watched his other one, too, the one from a couple years ago.

Icarus. That was great. Great. No, he's amazing. Yeah. He was on recently, a couple months ago, talking about The Dissident. Yeah. He couldn't get anyone to stream The Dissident.

Really? He couldn't get... No, Amazon wouldn't take it. All these other streaming services wouldn't take it. Wow. Yeah. The only thing you can do is have it for sale. Really couldn't get no Amazon didn't wouldn't take it all these other streaming services wouldn't take it Wow Yeah, the only thing you do is have it for sale. That's a powerful reach. They have man I think it's fear of course even Jeff Bezos So think about Jeff Bezos gets taken in by this guy right sends him this link Dick picks the whole deal right and then Jeff Bezos is Amazon is not streaming it

Like now we're good. Like, no, we're good. We're good. We're good. Are you going to film? Okay, good luck with that. You can just put it up. I don't want any problems. We're not going to talk about it.

Yeah. Just sit there. MBS, man. Yeah. It's like the Suge Knight fucking. Yeah, man. I mean, didn't he lock a bunch of his family members up? He got rid of a bunch of people.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's supposedly the of a bunch of people. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, like, supposedly the most progressive of those guys. Yeah. He's in, like, Women Can Drive and all that shit. Yeah, and he's, like, he's American educated, right? Yeah. Yeah, he spent a lot of time here.

Yeah, he's, like, the forward thinker, but still ruthless. Yeah. Well, it's a different world over there. Yeah. Imagine you probably have to be ruthless to maintain power in a different environment. Definitely. You can't have progressive policies and be in the Mongol Empire in 1400 or whatever. No.

You have to play by those rules. Yeah, man. I mean, that's – and living in a country like that, that's got to affect your mentality. Yeah. You know, like when you know that the people on top will not so quietly handle you and anyone else who gets too far out of line. Like China. Yeah. China just says they ghost billionaires.

Yeah. Are you talking shit? Are you talking shit? There's labor camps, man. There's active labor camps. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. And they're talking shit. And there's labor camps, man. There's active labor camps. Yeah. So the same with Russia. That guy who's Putin's number one critic.

All his critics go away. They go bye bye. Bye bye. Yeah. The guy's in a labor camp somewhere. What happened to that journalist? He got sick, man. Everybody gets sick here.

You know, people die. Yeah. But that Jack Ma guy, he's one of the best examples. Richest man in China. Yeah. Runs their version of Amazon. Yeah. Alibaba, right?

Said some stupid shit. They didn't like it. So vanished for three months. Yeah. Came back. Da-da-da-da. Da-da. Da-da-da-da.

Did he change his tune? Did he dance? Oh, yeah. He did. You have to. What, do you want to die? You know? I mean, I don't know what What, do you want to die? You know? I mean, I don't know what they did with him.

Who knows? You know? But he definitely went away. Yeah. Definitely vanished, and they started taking apart his company. Such a mysterious, like, you know, world. Like, when you think about China, the sheer magnitude of it, and the fact that there's no, like,

there's not open internet or anything like that over there. And it's huge. Huge and so many people, so many fucking people. You ever see the list of the population by city and you realize that there's, unless you're well versed in it, you're like, I've never heard of 10 of these cities and they each have over 25 million people in them?

Like, that's how many people live in China that there's cities that I'm like never I've never heard that said before and that has 25 million people living there Ari stories about going over there are fucking wild yeah he said you know in the mainland that people would just be taking shits in the street and pull their pants in the mall in the mall the mall, there's signs that are like, don't shit here. Because people that are from the rural parts are so accustomed to that

that they'll go into a shopping center and just take a shit on the floor and keep walking. And so the signs are like, and you can see those signs, they're all over. What do they expect is going to happen? What do you think the thought process is there? They're like, well I always shit, you know, and walk when I'm home, I guess, I don't know.

Yeah. No toilet paper, just shit. Just shit. Pull your drawers back up. Pull them up, yeah. Keep moving. And they're like, you can't shit here. That's a fucking gap, bro.

Yeah, they shit like... Chinese visitors welcome Disneyland to town by defecating in the bushes. Hmm. What is this? Disneyland Shanghai just so you don't know is that someone shitting on the concrete right there? Yes So it looks like at least is that lady shitting to with the water bottle? Mmm. Don't think so There's someone hanging out in the party. Yeah. Maybe she just finished. I don't know. Something's going on there with her. They're blurring her face out.

Yeah. Disneyland Shanghai ready to open next month. The infrastructure and smaller aspects of the resort have been coming online over the past few weeks. The brand new metro station opened up late April. Chinese government owns a controlling stake in the Shanghai Disneyland Resort has placed numerous requirements upon the resort like the new rail station being one

of them and a large urban style park called Wishing Star Park where's the shitting part come with the shit numerous people posted shocking photos on social media of guests climbing through the bushes leaving piles of trash everywhere carving their names into lampposts and even allowing their children to defecate

in the bushes. Oh, they're children. Nice. I guess that's what Ari said, too. There's a lot of kids. A lot of kids shitting? Yeah. Children relieving themselves in public has long been an issue for the rapidly urbanizing

Chinese. Many rural Chinese still use crotchless pants and no diapers on their children. Whoa! Yeah. Just shit anywhere, little ones. Just shit, man. These tendency, what does that mean? These tendency, tendencies, while becoming rare,

still do occur in China. I like how they're doing that, softening it up. While becoming rare. Yeah. They're getting better at it. Jesus, man. Taking shits like that in public. Are you worried about China taking over the world? Taking over the world? Jesus, man. Taking shits like that in public.

Are you worried about China taking over the world? Taking over the world? I've definitely thought about the fact that there's something about China where you feel like it's just a couple incidents away from something really significant happening. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

I don't know. You think about like our debt and like just a conflict away. Not only that. Just agreement away from something really bad that could happen. Controlling stakes in so many U.S. businesses. So many. And also how much real estate is owned by China here. It's, people, Chinese state and citizens own like more of New York than Americans do.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. In Manhattan. New York with the new tax laws, they're so fucked. I don't understand why they would do that. Don't they know that people are already thinking about moving and are already moving? People are moving like we've never seen before.

Yeah. Everyone's splitting. That's the thing is the pandemic gave you, in a way, types of clarity. Because we sat in it for a while, it really made you think about. Why am I here? Why am I here? Why do I live here? Can I live somewhere else?

Where else could I live? Do I like it here or am I just used to living here? I've been doing that forever. Whenever we would go on the road, I'd be like, I could live here oh i ask myself that every time i'm in a city yeah but i was always like kind of not really serious i was always like i kind of think i should but but you know what the the podcast and the store and everything keeps me there yeah and it took something like the pandemic to make me go that's it yeah i'm getting that and then coming here and seeing how they handled it, as opposed to seeing how it was handled in LA,

and then also the lower population number. That's a big difference. And the thing about, you know, people always really latch on to the tax conversation of it. And I always think that, think about, I've never been somebody who's opposed to paying whatever taxes are, right? But when you pay a certain tax, like California, the equation that you ask yourself is, does paying this feel like it's worth it?

That's what you ask yourself. I'm not opposed to paying it, but do I feel like I'm happy to pay it because I live in this fucking paradise? And that's the thing that you end up going like, oh, no, I don't feel like the equation makes sense, you know? Like, I don't see the result of it here where I go like, I'll tell you why taxes are so high here because it's fucking awesome.

Yeah. It doesn't feel like that, you know? Like, I remember being in Amsterdam like a year and a half ago and being like, fucking, I don't care if they take 80%. The city's amazing. You know what I mean? Just like such a beautiful city. Right.

You just walk around and you go like, take whatever you want. Yeah. I want to feel like that. It's not cleaned up. It's like the amount of money that they're getting and the amount of incompetence that they're displaying. That's what I'm saying. You're like, I don't know if I can pay that here. The thing is, nobody wants to be the mayor of LA.

Yeah. Most successful businessmen don't want to be the mayor of LA. So you got to get a guy like Garcetti to be the mayor of LA. It's a tricky job. That's a thankless job. Thankless job. Because when you're doing great, nobody knows who the fuck you are. Yeah.

And as soon as something like the pandemic hits and you're the one who's deciding what should be closed or not closed yeah you're fucked i mean that's a fucking that's a tough job to manage los angeles yeah but it's interesting like political pieces that get moved around like garcetti after biden got elected for literally i mean like weeks and weeks, people were camping out on his lawn protesting him making sure that he didn't get an appointment to the Biden administration. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

There were marches to his house of like 30,000 people or something one time. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Imagine? No. And so he's got all these armed guards waiting outside his house to keep people from storming the gates you feel like that pulling them out of bed feeling oh yeah but what's crazy is like what did he do to them like he's not really other than shut down

everything which he did what did he do that's so horrendous and what they were mad at was what he didn't do like they they were like you mad at was what he didn't do. They were like, you didn't do this well enough. You didn't take care of the homeless people enough. And it was more progressive stuff. What were their specific reasons for doing that to him? The homeless situation is out of control in Los Angeles. But people, the crazy thing is people support it staying the way it is.

Like there's, there's a considerable group of people that think like the unhoused should be allowed to camp out in Echo Park.

Well, I mean. They should be able to do whatever they want because. It just feels like it's like just completely lawless and without any regulation.

Yeah. And I don't know, man. Like it just, it's spreading. Like you see it everywhere. And actually, I don't know, man. Like, it's just, it's spreading. Like, you see it everywhere. And actually, I think it feels sad, you know? It is sad. You see tents all over the place.

It's also, there's no real solution, and it's never been navigated in our time. Yeah. So in our lifetime, there's never been a time where there was hundreds of tents all over Los Angeles, thousands of tents. At this point, they're somewhere in the neighborhood of 80,000 plus, they don't really know, might be 100 in Los Angeles, homeless people. Wow. You get to a certain number, it's like you've never had to deal with this before. Did you see that piece on Netflix about the Cecil Hotel? I started it and I didn't, I don't know.

I just didn't get into it. It's pretty interesting. It's kind of a trick because the girl, spoiler alert, the girl who they're looking for, they think was murdered, actually was off her meds and wound up opening. They believe, this is what happened. They believe she opened the water tanks on the roof and climbed in and drowned, And that's how she died.

That's where they found her. They found her in the water tank. She was high. I don't know if she's high. I think she has some mental illness. I think she was medicated. And then she got off her meds. Because I didn't know anything about it.

There was a bunch of murders there or something? It's just in a shitty part of town. It's in Skid Row. So the Cecil Hotel, and one of the couples that was on the documentary is pretty funny. They're a British couple. It's like, so we found it online,

and look, the Cecil Hotel. It's in downtown Los Angeles. It must be a nice place. It must be lovely. Downtown. Must be downtown. Must be lovely. Downtown's a real,

that can really trick you. Downtown can sound like it must be really nice. Downtown Chicago. Yeah, yeah. Downtown New York. Oh, downtown. When people, I remember when I lived in L.A. for just a couple years and kind of starting to understand how the city works,

people would come in, friends would be like, I want to go downtown. And I'd be like, no, you don't. They're like, what? This is not what you think of as downtown. It's not. It's totally different. I mean, there's parts of that south kind of area that they built up real nice, kind of around near the Staples Center and stuff,

where the condos exploded in price. But there's parts of downtown LA that are fucking really rough. I think before the pandemic, it was starting to come up. They were starting to try to figure out how to deal with all the poorer spots. Because every time they would sort of gentrify an area, they would make a shitload of money on these condos. And people, I think, liked the idea of living, air quotes, downtown. Yes, they do. Yeah.

It sounds sexy. Like, downtown just sounds cool. What was interesting about this documentary, this Netflix thing on the Cecil Hotel, was not even necessarily this one case that they were highlighting. But it was what happened with Skid Row in the first place. That Skid Row, which I first discovered, or I first experienced, I should say, when I was filming Fear Factor. Because we were filming Fear Factor downtown a lot. Because a lot of these buildings that we would use were abandoned buildings. So we would be able to put scaffolding on the roof and dangle people off the roof and such a crazy

show ridiculous show thank fucking knock on wood we never killed anybody on that show right i was real worried about that a couple times really the last season in particular the last season because they're like nbc's back or fear factor is back on n NBC bigger and better than ever. And they went way further. That was when the cum drinking episode got us kicked off the air. Cum drinking? You didn't know about that? Mm-mm. Cum drinking?

Dude. I did not know this. They played horseshoes to see how much Donkey Kong, Donkey Cum, that's what I said, Donkey Cum. They had a drink. Donkey Cum. How much cum did they drink? A beer stein?

No. A massive amount of cum? Did you smell it at least? Oh, yeah, I smelled it. These girls are chugging jizz right there. Look at me. Back of my head when I had some hair. You're so enthusiastic about it.

I had to be. I'm trying to help these people win. Yeah. Are they vomiting? Do they? Oh, yes. The girls do that, right? Yes, they all vomit.

I think everybody vomited. There you go. Yeah. And they had to drink piss, too. What? Yeah. See, that guy's drinking piss, and then the guy next to him is drinking jizz.

Look how much it is. I like how they plug their nose, too. That's so much cum. It's so much cum. That's like three of my loads. That's a fucking big-ass load. That's like three of my loads. That's a fucking big ass load. That's like two of mine. Wow.

It's Ophelia. Yeah, man. I cum a lot. Can you imagine if you came that much? I cum a lot. Do you? Not like that much, but I cum a lot. Do you?

Always? Yeah. Really? Do you save it up? Dude, I remember being in high school and you're talking to friends and they're like, yeah, just rub one out here out here in the bathroom or something. And then I'm like, what do you mean? What do you do with all the cum?

And they're like, what? Peter North over here. Yeah, and they're like, I don't know, just wipe it down with a sock. And I'm like, a sock? I need a fucking towel, man. I shoot monster loads, bro. Like, as much to fill up this coffee cup?

You know how you have a contraction? Yeah. Like- How many of those you get? Minimum, because, you know, they vary sometimes. Yeah. Minimum would be like 12. And then sometimes-

12? Sometimes like- 12 pumps? Sometimes like 17. So, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Is that how you got your wife? She's like, yes. She's like, is this going to be every time?

This is a fucking disaster. I mean, every girl that I slept with was like, this is so much cum, dude. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Now Bert's here and it's like, no, no, I shoot the bigger loads. No, he gave me the title. Did he?

How do you know? We just talked about it. We came on each other's faces. That's like, no, no, I shoot the bigger loads. No, he gave me the title. Did he? How do you know? We just talked about it. We came on each other's faces. That's way more comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. Yeah.

That's crazy. And I used to shoot it into the boxers I was wearing, and then I would just be soaked, and I would just throw them under my bed. And your mother pills him out like, what the fuck? This thing is like cardboard. What is this? I don't know how that happened. And your mother pills him out like, what the fuck? This thing is like cardboard. What is this? I don't know how that happened.

Bunch of cocksnot. That is fucking. So that got pulled? Yeah, that's what got us canceled. Jesus. And what happened is, I think it got leaked on TMZ or something like that. Yeah. And then it got online. And then once people realized it, they actually did pull the episode, but then canceled the show. that. Yeah. And then it got online. And then once people realized it, they actually did pull the episode,

but then canceled the show. Wow. Yeah. By the way, I do love the shooting stars. I keep seeing them. Pretty dope, right? They're very cool, yeah. It's really wild, right?

Yeah. Stars on the ceiling. Have you seen, because I've been big on a few things, that F1 show, have you seen Zero, Zero, Zero? No. What is that?

That is a series on Amazon Prime, that's a one, it's eight episodes. Reportedly, the budget was 160 million. What? Yes. It's shot in Calabria, Italy, Monterey, Mexico, New Orleans, Senegal, and Morocco. It's like a fucking epic.

It's the guy that made Gamora. So like that Italian crime saga. And this story, it's like it has the Calabrian mob, the cartel in Mexico, and then a shipping broker in New Orleans. And it's like each time you land in one, you're focused in one area, they have their own storyline characters that is unbelievable

and incredible set pieces and action sequences. You're like, this is epic. I'm going to write this down. So the number, 0000? 000, the word, 000. And not to mention the music, like the score. This is it? This is it.

Give me some volume. Dude. It's incredible. So it's all in subtitles? Not all, no. That was in Calabria, now we're in Mexico. So some of it is in subtitles? Yes, some of it is in some of it's in Italian

some of it's in Spanish some of it's in English there's scenes in French in Arabic I mean just like that shipping freight my brother will personally escort the load from start to finish we want to meet your

shipping freight it's incredible it's it's one of the most incredible things i've seen that that theme song is the first the theme song is the first thing I learned on piano. Really? Yeah. That's what I sent to the piano teacher. Wow. Okay.

Zero, zero, zero on Netflix. No, on Amazon Prime. On Amazon Prime. Yeah, Prime Video. That's why I don't know about it. A lot of their shows, they don't get much publicity. I know. And this thing actually came out, I think it came out right before the pandemic it first aired in Italy and February of 2020 that's a

month before and then I think you know with everything happening it kind of got worried yeah and I have that thing too where I have the that thing I'll notice I've noticed it's happened before well I'll just go to Netflix and then I'll be like these are something here that I want to watch or not? And I'll forget about all my options. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're like, oh yeah,

there's these other extreme platforms and they each have incredible libraries now. Well, I found out about Amazon Prime because of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Yeah, yeah. Which I really got into. I never saw that, but I heard a wonderful thing.

I really liked the first two seasons and then I think it kind of like, I lost it, whatever it is. For whatever reason, it just stopped being appealing to me. It started seeming less real or something. I was watching Handmaid's Tale, which is like so dramatic, and they would do like dark episodes where you're like, Jesus Christ, that is so fucking, so dark. And then they would have like a little bit of an uplifting one you'd be like all right i'm back and i watched i think two seasons of that and then i

just kind of fell out of it i watched one episode i'm like check please oh man it gets i don't need this it gets heavy that's the problem i don't need i know fake heavy shit in my life especially during the pandemic no i know it's like i wanted adam sandler movies that's what i wanted i watched all the adam up until uncut uncut gems which is fucking crazy yeah you've seen that yeah like all the other ones are so fun yeah and it's like ah we tricked you that's definitely not a sandler movie though right like that's those brothers you know i mean like he's in it but like yeah but it's not a happy Madison right production Yeah

There's so many series. There's another one called the expanse that I started watching recently on Amazon I haven't seen that wild sci-fi show really yeah that everybody kept recommending to me, and I was like really how good is it really? It's good. It's really good. It's really good in the special effects and the way it's put together it's like about a bunch of miners like like science like the you know live in the future and space yeah just like a really good sci-fi I saw the show I saw the movie that you I care a lot oh yeah yeah I really liked it but I didn't love the third act as much. I was so, like, I love revenge, you know? It's fucking coursing through my veins all the time.

Really? Yeah, I love the idea of revenge. And just the concept, and I love revenge stories, because revenge just feels, real, true revenge is justified, right? So it's like somebody would you know did something and they they deserve what they're getting and i felt that story building towards and i and they were seeing it that that she was going to get hers and

obviously you can ultimately say that she did but the way yeah and the way that it was happening i was like oh this is about to get so fucking good. Especially with the old, spoiler alert, sorry, with the older woman that was being, when she was like, you have no idea what's about to fucking happen. Right, right. I was like, now all hell is going to break loose. And it kind of did, but not to the extent that I was hoping for. What is that movie that's out now?

I haven't seen it yet, but it's one of the top movies on iTunes. It's about a woman who pretends to be incapacitated. Promising Young Woman. Promising Young Woman. I saw that, too. How's that? It's really good. I heard that's really good.

It's really good. It's really cool. And that's like a good revenge movie, right? Yes, and it has a very, there's a real dark twist to it. I don't want to give it away, but it's's really good yeah people love revenge movies man yeah revenge is like it's part of like the human experience yeah it's like you did something that was like this wrong you wronged me in some way or to somebody and like especially when you set it up with like family you know like somebody's dignity

and like they're like their children or their parents or something, you set that up, man. And, and they deserve the revenge. It's the ultimate revenge movies. John Wick. Yeah. That's the ultimate, that's the ultimate revenge. I mean, that's why I think some people are connected with that. Yeah, for sure. Because in the beginning of the movie, you don't have any idea who this guy is. You think he's just this handsome Keanu Reeves who lost his wife. You don't know what's going to happen. Spoiler alert. And then when the Russian mobsters kill his dog and steal his car, it's like, oh, boy.

It's so on. And then you're like, it's so funny how connected we are and how much we love our dogs, especially in this country. But you're like, yeah, dude, kill like 100 people. Yeah, kill everyone. Kill everyone. And then the other DiCaprio one, that's a great, that's revenge. Which one's that?

What is it called? Oh, The Revenant? Yes, yes. The son, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. What do you got there?

The new Guy Ritchie movie. I only saw the trailer of it. I think it's out now, but it's a revenge story with Jason Statham in L.A. Let me see this. He's lots of badass gun shit. Some are dead, yeah. We ain't the predators. It seems like he took a job guarding money trucks

so he could kill everyone. Looking for the guy who killed his son or something like that. Guy Ritchie's movies are always awesome. Do you have a problem? I don't know. Do I? Guy Ritchie's movies are always awesome. Does Guy Ritchie have one bad movie? No, what he does so well, I think he does two things so well. Is that everything's stylized in a very cool way. You know, like every shot feels like a cool fucking, like cinematography is awesome. Yeah.

And then he writes like aggressive, funny dialogue well. Yeah. Like, you know, like no, a proper fucking fucked. What do you think? Like the way that he writes like a gangster or like a bad guy talking shit just sounds cool. Yeah. He writes dialogue cool for people where you want to hear them keep speaking want to hear them keep speaking it's a fucking interesting guy yeah super smart guy legit Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt he is yep I did not legit

Henzo Gracie black belt Wow yeah there's like levels of black belts like not that it's a disrespect to have a black belt from a guy was unknown yeah but to get a black belt from like either Hickson Hickson Gracie, that's probably the biggest one, or Henzo Gracie. Those are two huge black belts. What type of timeline are we talking about? 10 years. 10 years? 10 years of regular training. Really? I was a brown belt for eight years. Really? Yeah, because I wasn't training as much as I should have been. Yeah, because busy, you know, constantly doing things. And is it one day that like you go? Yeah. And you're just like rolling on the mat. One day I just got, you know, they made

an announcement. Eddie Bravo made an announcement, gave me my black belt. Wow. Yeah. Same thing with John Jock Machado. You know, one day showed up at training and now I got a black belt. It's wild. Yeah. That's got to be a pretty crazy feeling huh it's weird feeling man because there's not that many out there you know it's uh to be able to do it while you're doing other stuff you know it's not like um I was a young man who was just only trying to pursue jiu-jitsu yeah yeah like I got my black belt in taekwondo after like two years two and a half years dude I wasn't that far from my black belt in Taekwondo after two years, two and a half years. Dude, I wasn't that far from a black belt in Taekwondo as a kid.

Yeah. How old were you? Fucking like nine or something. Oh, yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Those are weird. Yeah, that's real controversial. You know, it's controversial in the sport.

It's controversial as a martial art. Master Hong Kong Kim. Yeah? Yeah. The thing is like you do teach children that in achieving new ranks like it's goal setting and you get rewarded for it

and it really does pump you up. It means a lot. Yeah. And it makes you better. It really does. It was good for me. Like it was really good

for me to like just I don't think I was particularly great but I'm saying it was really good for confidence and like yeah't think I was particularly great, but I'm saying it was really good for confidence. It was great activity, man. My instructor would not let people get black belts when they were kids. That's probably smart.

Yeah, he didn't believe in it. And he also made me fight men when I was a kid. Like when I was 15, I fought in the men's division. Wow. Yeah, he put pressure on me to do that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you can in the men's division. Wow. Yeah, he put pressure on me to do that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you can fight men.

You should fight men. I was like, okay. So when I was 16, 17, I was fighting grown-ass men with beards and shit. That's got to be intimidating as shit when you start? I don't know, man. I mean, it was, but I was so brainwashed. And not in a bad way, but in a good way. Like, I was all in.

It was the only thing in my whole life up until that moment where I didn't feel like a loser. Yeah. So I was a troubled young man. So to have this outlet, the first outlet ever in my life where I was not just getting positive feedback, but I was winning. Yeah. Winning tournaments, like quite a few. It gave you an identity. It was my identity.

And that's the thing about, especially, I mean, I can't speak for a young lady, but as a young man, I feel like that's something that every young man really strives for. Like, who am I? What am I? I mean, I really latched on to my identity being a football player. You know, middle school, high school. You were a handsome buck back then. If you were like, I've seen these pictures.

Full head of hair, looking good, thick. I mean, I really thought like, if you were like, tell me about yourself, I'd be like, I play football. Right, right. What else? Because it's a cool thing to say, right? It's a cool thing to say, right?

It's a cool thing to say, but also like it makes you feel like I'm part of, like I have an identity. Yeah. You know? And like I think that fighting is probably similar to that where you go like, this is who I am. Yeah, it was everything for me. Yeah. It's like all of a sudden I was a thing. It was before I was a nobody.

And then all of a sudden, like, you know, I was a black belt. That's, yeah. And then I was a state champion. Then I was a multiple time state champion. And then I won national tournaments. And then it was, you know, was a black belt that's yeah and then I was a state champion then I was a multiple-time state champion then I won national tournaments and then it was you know was everything yeah the thing the thing that uh fucked it up for me was really trying other martial arts and realizing how helpless I was yeah I said when I started kickboxing like I was boxing these guys and getting lit up really just lit up I'd go to the boxing gym and it was really because of my friend Joe my friend Joe Lake he was

a I was teaching at Nautilus Plus in Revere Massachusetts it was a gym and they had this separate big room of the gym that didn't have anything going on in because big-ass gym and my um decided to run classes out of there and he asked me if i wanted to take it over as like a satellite school so i was teaching when i was 19 that's young professionally so here i am teaching this and then i ran into this guy uh joe lake who was a boxing coach and a longshoreman this really big fucking tough Irish guy. I've talked about him before. He had his finger bitten off in a street fight, so he took his toe. They took his toe off and put it where his finger used to be.

What? Yeah, and curved it permanently so he could always throw punches because otherwise if it was straight, it's not going to fit in the glove and he wouldn't be able to bend it. So when you'd shake his hand, his hand always had like this like hook and that's his little toe that was touching you from his uh that's that's someone who's built different he's a savage yeah awesome boxing coach too fucking tough tough guy so he he came and he watched me i was kicking the bag and he was like he goes i want to fucking learn how to do that.

And he goes, you know, I'm a boxing coach. How about I'll teach you a little bit of this. You teach me a little bit of that. I go, yeah, let's just do it. And then immediately from working out with him, I started to realize, I'm like, oh, shit. I thought I had, like, good hands. Yeah. And I was like, oh, my hands are bullshit.

Yeah. And then he started bringing in professional boxers for me to spar with and amateur boxers i'm like oh great yeah i was like realizing two things i was realizing at the same time one that this idea of me being this elite martial artist i was just i was elite at a sport right this taekwondo thing and then i i got once i became a kickboxer then I felt more confident that I could use it because I knew how to use my hands too but it took like a couple of years of learning but then I sort of started

getting brain damage sparring a lot I was sparring a lot yeah and I was sparring with the guys who are better than me so I was getting hit a lot with boxing only and I was getting a lot of headaches. Really? Yeah, it was not good. I very distinctly remember one really hard sparring session that I had with this dude, and I was laying in bed,

and my head was just throbbing, just bang, bang, bang. With every heartbeat, pulse that was going through my body, my head would have a new throb. Boom, boom, boom. heartbeat you know pulse that was going through my body my head would have a new throttle and i was poor and i was living in this really shitty apartment and uh i had no future and i was like what am i doing with my life what what am i doing i'm giving myself brain damage like i was teaching taekwondo kickboxing getting ready to do some kickboxing fights. I wound up having like three kickboxing fights and realizing that like there's no future. There's no future.

Like I couldn't take Taekwondo seriously anymore as a competitor because I knew how easy it was for these guys to corner me. And like if I didn't kick their head off, if I didn't hurt them really bad with a kick, they would corner me and just beat me up with punches and I was like oh no and so I realized that I had to move more and then eventually I got better with my hand so I could protect myself more and then I discovered Muay Thai and that was an even bigger problem because then I had all these ideas about well at least I'll kick the shit out of you yeah you want to kickbox with me. And then I found guys that were literally traveling to Thailand that were living in this part of Massachusetts. I think it was Everett where these guys were. And they were traveling over to Thailand

and fighting in Thailand and coming home with these gnarly scars, man, because they were getting cut open with elbows and they were doing a lot of leg kicks. And then I realized, oh my God, it's so easy to kick someone in the legs. My legs are so vulnerable. I thought I was a good kicker. Because in Taekwondo, you couldn't kick the legs. You could only kick above the waist. So I couldn't take it seriously anymore. Not that it's not a good martial art to learn how to kick

because all the stuff that I did back then, I still do. I still train with it. But it wasn't, with it but it wasn't as itself it wasn't a good enough martial art right and my my fucking head was throbbing all the time I feel like a lot of people probably experienced what you did and didn't go I should stop doing this yeah but the good thing about not having a dad growing up not having a like I had a stepdad but my not knowing my dad. I never really thought anybody was going to rescue me. Right.

I had no confidence at all that it was going to be okay. Yeah. Yeah. So me lying there in bed, I'll never forget that thing. I was like, I can't do this anymore. I got to stop. I got to figure out how to stop. And I still didn't stop until I got TKO'd in my last fight.

I got dropped with a left hook. And you knew? I knew I wasn't training hard enough. I knew I was doing comedy at the same time. I had these fights, kickboxing fights I had after I'd already started doing stand up. And I was kind of on the fence. And you know what was interesting? There was one guy who said something to me.

It was kind of a shitty thing to say, but I realized he was right. We were both open micers and we were both about six months in. And we were just talking about comedy or something like that, and I don't remember the context of it, but I remember him saying to me, and we weren't in an argument or anything, which is, you know, I didn't get mad at him either, but he just goes, yeah, he goes, you started out pretty good. He goes, but then it seems like you just kind of fizzled out,

and you haven't really gotten any better that stuck with you and i was like oh you know when someone says something and you don't even go fuck you man yeah i was like oh he's right right yeah i knew he was right yeah i didn't get mad at him i didn't argue i just like that you feel like a shockwave for a moment yeah i was just like he's right yeah and then i was thinking about what I'm doing with my life. And I'm like, what am I doing with my life? And then I wound up fighting after that. I had like the kickboxing fights after that.

But I knew. I'm like, if I'm going to be a comedian, I have to just. And so when I had my last fight, one of the first things I did was when I came back and I knew I was going to fight again, I quit teaching. I just quit my school. And my manager was like, what are you doing? Or school. And my manager was like, what are you doing? Or my instructor rather was like, what are you doing? You're gonna quit? I quit teaching at BU.

I had a teaching job at BU. I taught accredited course. It was like you get pass, fail, A. It counted for your GPA. For Taekwondo? Yeah, yeah, I taught it there for a couple years. Wow. Yeah, and I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't do it anymore.

I have to stop doing everything with it. Like I still worked out. I would come and work out, but I was like, no more teaching, no more teaching, no more competing. Because it was too much of a distraction and also it was dangerous. It was both, but I was realizing that I had to be all in as a comic and the only way I was going to be all in as a comic, even though I was terrible. Yeah.

Right. Six months in or whatever I was, I wasn't good. I wasn't like, this is my shit. Do you know when I quit my job? When? The day after I got a manager, I had a, like a post-production job that paid well, like for, you know, for my age and, and had, and had like extra, uh, what's it called? Like benefits, not benefits, but, benefits but um overtime so you can make like pretty good money and you know you're in la trying to survive and you know making i don't know i

think my rate was like 1500 a week plus overtime really yeah man for like for and and we just started a new show like in post and i got a manager and like the next day he was like um he's like i got you an audition you give an audition for this it was an Eddie Murphy movie right and I was like what like I have an Eddie Murphy movie audition he was like yeah so I go to my boss I was like hey man I have to hang it up I'm gonna I'm gonna quit and like do this thing and he was like really like okay and you know he was cool about it he was like wow i didn't you know we just started this new post job so this is gonna run for like let's say four months or something and he just gave me this great rate and everything and i was like yeah

and then uh so i quit and then i called my manager and i was like yeah i'm uh i quit my job today. And he was like, why? And I go, because I have an audition tomorrow. He was like, okay. And I go, so what else are we going to do? He's like, well, that's it for right now. I mean, I'll try to get you some more stuff, but this is our first day. When was that in relation to when I met you?

A year before. Wow. Yeah. But how long had you been doing stand-up when you quit? I started in April of 2002. So this is my 19-year anniversary. And then I quit that job in 2006. I met you in 2007.

Yeah, that's when we were doing the tour. Yeah, so I met you five years after i started wow yeah yeah it's a that leap the sink or swim the sink or swim works though i mean it works i've we have we all we each know a number of people who you go like yeah dude make the leap yeah it's time to make the leap but we also know a bunch of people that you should probably get out of the water yeah yeah it's like that george saint pierre thing about fighters right he's like at the gym and he's like yeah but they'll get mad at me it's the exact same thing yeah there's people who you go like you really should think about it's such a narrow window like that people you know you have to have the right personality there has to be so many things to make a lot of things have to line up and as a fighter i think it's probably even

narrower because you can make it as a thing about a fighter is it is narrower you know why because you can make it as a professional comedian and do well as a middle act and you can work a little we all know guys who are Essentially professional comedians, but they don't have a big following Yeah, but they do what they're competent, but they're competent and they can they can do the job like you hire them They'll do 20 minutes. They'll kill. Yep. They'll do good But if you're a fighter Yeah, and you're just competent that means you're grist for the mill it's not good

and if you're like somebody who a bunch of people have gotten beat up basically oh yeah he's fought all these top contenders and never beat one Jesus Christ your brain

is just minced meat and you're getting hit more than you're hitting it's way higher stakes than the comedy part and you don't last long like as a like we know guys as comics that are you know doing okay that have been doing okay for 10 years yeah right yeah this is not the case with fighting no if you're doing okay 10 years later you're fucked you're're really fucked, yeah. You probably, you got vision problems, brain damage problems, joint problems, back problems, neck problems. Talking to some of the, I've talked to a few fighters that are a little older now.

And when you start talking to someone, you're like, fuck. Yep. I'm seeing the brain damage right in front of me. That's a scary thing. You see it, and then you see them a couple years later and it's way worse and one of things that happens is they all their words sort of jumbled together yeah you know like what what did you just say what did you I don't What did you just say? What did you, I don't know what you just said.

Yeah. Like, this is crazy. This is crazy. And it just, it gets worse and it gets worse. And then they keep fighting and it gets worse. And then one day, you know, they're, you know, they have to do some sort of therapy. They have to do something. They have to figure out how to get by.

And, you know, a lot of these guys are, like, severely depressed, too, because if you're not supplementing your hormones, most likely just due to getting hit in the head a bunch of times, your endocrine system shuts down. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a real problem with football players, a real problem with soldiers. A lot of soldiers that, especially door breachers, you know, they, like, stand back, boom, that impact of that is just rattling your dome. God damn.

And over and over and over again, a lot of these guys wind up needing testosterone therapy. That's one of the great things that Dr. Mark Gordon has done with his Warrior Angel Foundation is provide these people medical relief, and he's done a lot of it for free. Like fighters? Yeah, fighters but also a lot of soldiers. Oh, yeah.

And with Andrew Marr, they've been on the podcast a couple times. They set up this foundation, this Warrior Angels Foundation, to take care of these guys. And one of the big things is their hormones are all gone. Really? Yeah, your brain just stops.

You get rattled. Like we were talking last night about this boxer that I know who fought a bunch of wars in the early 2000s and now he's zero testosterone. He's like constantly depressed. He's in agony. Your body stops producing it. It's just because it's so damaged.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's fucked up. It's your pituitary gland. Your pituitary gland is like this little tiny thing in there. And you get rattled a few times and it just stops working right. Man. It's your pituitary gland. Your pituitary gland is like this little tiny thing in there. And you get rattled a few times and it just stops working right. Man.

I did a podcast with a guy who played in the NFL who I played against in high school. Whoa. Heath Evans. And I told him, I was like, I read, like, because my football memories stop there. You know, like it was done at high school. I was like, you know, hitting you is so clear to me. Like I still remember how different it was than hitting other people, you know, because it felt like a fucking bank vault door slammed into you, you know. I mean, like he played on a shitty team and so like we always

beat them but he would always have like the craziest game we're like fuck this guy's an animal you know and and it felt like a tank like a tank like just a door slammed in your face and even like if you were in the backfield and you tackled him you're like fuck me man like it was he was just different i mean mean, obviously he was different. Like, he went on to play 10 seasons in the NFL. Imagine if you're a guy that's built like that, and you don't want to do that, but that's the best avenue for you to make money

because you're just built like a gorilla. So many, so many guys like that. I mean, that end up are probably like, there's only a percentage that go, I love this more than anything. A lot of them, it is that. Like, this is the thing that I'm going to make a living doing. Yeah.

And also, I'm going to make a crazy living at 22, which is so crazy, you know? Don't you have more respect for that now as you're an older, more mature guy, and you go like, can you imagine handing me a check at 22 for like 19 million dollars? If I got a check for $1,900 when I was 22, I was like, oh my God, I'm rich. Because I remember being in my 20s being like, these guys just, why are you spending all that money?

I'm 41 and I'm like, oh yeah. Well, just fame. Imagine being a famous 20, one of the things that I've realized. You're a kid. Yeah. From doing this podcast, talking to a lot of people like Demi Lovato or Miley Cyrus or any of these people. Super famous.

Rob Lowe, people that grew up famous. Not just super famous but super famous when they're kids. Demi Lovato was on Barney the Dinosaur when she was seven. Wow. That's nuts. Yeah was seven that's nuts and that's a crazy thing to do to your children and you don't ever get that back you can't

imagine what it's like to be a normal person because you've never been a normal person and you can never be a normal person it's over your developmental cycle you went through while being stupendously famous which is nuts. It's terrible for them.

Demi was fucking hilarious, man. Yeah? She was really funny. She was talking about what a cunt she was when she was a kid because her parents would tell her, like, you're grounded. She's like, bitch, I pay the fucking bills. That's funny. But she was funny about it.

She called herself a cunt. Yeah, that's funny. It was really funny. But she's very aware of what she went through. She's aware that it's kind of crazy, and now she's trying to sort it all out and figure out who she is. I can't imagine taking either one of my sons and being like, you have an audition, and I want you to get on this show.

I realize, whatever, that's not. I know guys that are going nuts. They're in their 40s, and they're just starting to become famous, or in their 50s. Really? Just starting to become famous. Starting to lose it? Yeah, yeah.

Their ego is out of control. They always want to talk about their career. They always want to talk about people that are attacking them, and they're engaging with people online. I think we know some of the same people. I think we do, too. People that get completely wrapped up in that world where it's like just the the trappings of

fame are too it's too much they have some of those people maybe all of those people just they don't have enough stuff that grounds them when you realize how lucky like we are to have families yes and like real friends yeah that shit really fucking contributes to quality of life it does it really does and also there's some of those guys, and whatever, girls too, but I'm just saying, like, guys I know, where you're like, you do a really bad job of surrounding yourself

with, like, the wrong people, man. Like, they don't have, they don't see that their surroundings are negative. Well, you know what happens? One of the things that happens with a lot of those guys that we're talking about is that they want to be, air quotes, the man or the woman, right? So what happens is they surround themselves with people who are kind of like sycophants. They're not peers, right?

Yeah. One of the things that I think has always been cool about our group of friends is that we're all peers. True. We're all doing great. Everyone, whether it's Bert, you, Ari, Diaz, everyone's doing great. Everyone has successful podcasts, everyone does successful tours. We can hang out and talk shop. If we do shows together, we're really kind of doing it because it's fun to do together.

It's fun, yeah. But there's a lot of guys that don't do that. They bring these people that are sub-par with them everywhere they go. I know. I learned that, I learned that firsthand, like going on tour with you, with Russell Peters, even with Jay Moore, where it's like, you guys would bring people and you're like, I hope you kill, like kill hard.

Yeah. And then you go, oh, and then the show is over and people go like, that was a front to back killer show. Yes, that's what you want. And then I always remembered that, that you want the show to be awesome. Yeah, I learned that from, well, I kind of figured it out from shame.

I wanted people to bomb and then I was just embarrassed with myself that I wanted people to bomb. And that wasn't even when I was going on the road. That was when I was in Boston. I was in my 20s. You wanted them to bomb. I wanted them to bomb. I didn't want them to do good. I wanted to do good.

I wanted it all for me. And then I realized, like, why are you even doing this? Like, you got into comedy because you love comedy, and now you want to be the only one who does comedy good like that's so stupid right and then I realized like oh I'm weak I'm just being a bitch and then I sort of equated it to martial arts whereas with martial arts you must have good training partners there's the only way you get good you have to have like especially when you're you're you're mirroring yourself on these other people that you're training with,

the higher level of gyms or schools always produce the higher level of competitors consistently because these people always saw these killers in the gym and they go, oh, that's what I have to do to be elite. I have to be as good as that guy. Whereas if you were at a school where you were the top dog and everybody you were sparring against was a scrub you had this distorted perception of what you could do but it's this big is particularly for striking it's very important for striking yeah because you have to have a real understanding of timing like how fast someone is and how

hard someone can hit and what's dangerous and what's not and some guys just didn't have that because they were in so I realized that from I had that in martial arts But now I didn't want that in comedy and why didn't I want that in comedy? Well, it's because I was weak Yeah, and so I shame Made me recognize like that makes terrible. Yeah, they make terrible out And then you realize all these years later that like the bet like the best Nights at the store or even on the road where the nights were like that somebody created that wave and then everybody wrote it yeah everybody just fucking destroyed you know that was fun night I learned that from working

with Diaz yes nobody wanted to work with Diaz like when when Diaz before Diaz really became you know air quotes Joey Diaz like everybody knows him now yeah when I was working with him in the late 90s like nobody wanted to follow diaz yeah but i knew that like that would be probably the best way to get really tight as a comedian was to always do shows with him because he would kill so fucking hard and then you could just if you were laughing if you enjoyed it you would ride the wave but if you were nervous then yep then you would eat shit. That's really, that's very true.

That lesson still holds true in all comedy. If you're nervous about the guy in front of you and you get worked up about, oh my God, the crowd, oh my God, they love him, oh, he's killing, you're going to fucking eat dicks. You're going to eat shit. And then if you're enjoying it, you really do ride it. Yeah, I've had some terrible moments where I ate shit. And it was always because I was thinking more about eating shit than I was about enjoying this person's act and laughing and going out and having. Because if someone's really funny, like you're laughing before you go on stage. This is the perfect frame of mind. It's the best.

Because you want to be. This is the truth for acting, too. It's the perfect frame of mind. It's the best, because you want to be, this is the truth for acting too, I was talking to Shea Whigham about this, that the best acting, he said, comes from, what is it, relaxed but focused. But you're loose.

You're loose but you're focused. And I was like, oh, with standup that's true too. You want to be loose but focused. Yes, yes. You don't want to be tight. You don't want to be too loose where you're not even thinking about what's going on. But you want to have it in your mind, but You don't want to be tight. You don't want to be too loose where you're not even thinking about what's going on, but you want to have it in your mind,

but you don't want to be, you know. Yeah. You want to feel like, all right, man, this is going to be, you know what I mean? But you're locked into what you're going to do. But you're locked in. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing.

That's a great way to describe it. Loose but focused. Mm-hmm. I think my best sets have come with that kind of mentality. Mm-hmm. I'm pretty loose, but I'm dialed into what I'm doing. Yeah. And I'm coming off of maybe last weekend I did six, seven shows,

and then I've done four this week, and I'm dialed in. Yeah. And I'm loose. I'm like, I know what I'm doing. Yeah. I imagine, I mean, I've never been much of a runner really, especially not a distance runner, run hills and shit. But I always imagine that like, it's the same kind of thing.

Like if you're going to run marathons, you got to run all the fucking time to be able to do a three minute marathon or three hour marathon rather. So I think that's sort of the same thing with standup. Like you have to, you got to do a lot of standup to get loose at standup. Dude, it took like, so I just had my first back-to-back weekend a couple weeks ago in a year and a half. You know, I used to just tour, tour, tour. I'm so used to being on the road all the time.

And I did Phoenix and then Omaha. And then by the fifth show in Omaha, I was like, this feels like 2019, you know? Yeah, you're back. Oh, yeah. I felt like really in a group. Are you doing clubs? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Doing clubs, yeah. doing clubs yeah getting loose getting loose and um i'm supposed to i mean if everything continues to improve inshallah then um i'll you know announce like big dates later later in the year i hope it all happens man i'm so excited to get back out there man coming back but the clubs are fun they're really fun right now yeah they're like most of the clubs I've been doing are like three quarters capacity. They're all excited to be out. I'm excited to be up there. It's the most fucking fun time I've had in a while, man.

Yeah. And these Spanish shows were the shit, dude. I bet. So fun. It's so cool that you could do that, that you have that capacity, that you could not just speak Spanish, but you could do stand up in Spanish. I mean, it's taken a lot of work, a lot more work a lot more work than i thought yeah is it the same bits uh some like right now i'm doing probably 45 minutes in spanish and you know in english i'm doing like 60 um and some of it's stuff that i

didn't do in in specials Some of it's brand new stuff translated and some of it's like older stuff that I've never flushed out. I'm doing it in Spanish. So it's like a mix of everything. It's not the exact set I'm doing in English. But like the crowds have that feel. You know when you go abroad,

like you go to Australia and it's hard to explain, like to articulate that you feel their appreciation that you came that far. Yes. I did Australia last year and I felt like, I was like, every time I go, it's hard to explain. There's no one saying it, but you feel like they're going like, thank you for coming this far. Yeah, yeah. The Spanish shows, I'm doing it to obviously like these Latino audiences. And it's like the same kind of feeling.

Like they so appreciate that you're doing it for them in Spanish. And it's like it's a pretty cool thing, you know, to experience. It's pretty dope. I mean, how many people can fucking do that? I mean, yeah, I mean, a few. Definitely, definitely. I mean, let's see. Well, Richard well Richard who was

opening the show he's done it I'm sure that oh you gotta get a Spanish opener too oh yeah so he and I brought

Christina Sanchez so the two of them opened the show and I mean who's bilingual like Felipe Esparza did

English and Spanish special I'm sure Gabriel could do it but it's definitely a handful it's not like I mean, who's bilingual? Like, Felipe Esparza did the English and Spanish special. I'm sure Gabriel could do it. But it's definitely a handful. It's not like tons and tons of people. Yeah, there's probably like a dozen on Earth. Probably, yeah. That's pretty wild. That's so wild.

You know who's fucking super, like, speaking of this kind of thing is Eddie Izzard. Oh, yeah. With, like, fucking, like, English, French, and German. Yeah. And he's just like Learning German To do stand up in it Jesus Christ

Yeah Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant Very unusual person Yeah Prefers to be called she now Yeah sorry

She I don't know I mean It's still Eddie So it's like I did I'll just say Eddie I did Eddie's Show when

She was running I don't know how many marathons, back to back. That's a unique human being. Like 50 in 50 days? Yeah. For the second time, because I remember when that was a few years ago. I was like, what do you mean?

I didn't even understand that somebody could do that. But not only that, how about do it without training? Like, not in shape. So this brain. Toe is falling apart. Yeah. Yeah. And then...

I think you just say Eddie's brain. Eddie's brain. When I say her brain, because Eddie still likes girls. Eddie does? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Eddie fancies the ladies.

Nice. As Eddie describes it. Nice. So it's like... Hey, whatever, man. When you're that funny, when you're that funny when they're that talented not driven really gives a shit really because it doesn't seem like a gimmick it's just that's who Eddie is yeah you know when Eddie did my part

yeah that's it so Oh 26 day 26 marathon this now oh this is 10 weeks ago this is when I was on the show. Did Eddie have implants? Get implants? It looks like it, doesn't it? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

I guess so. Wow. All right. Nice. People are different. People are different, man. Yeah, why not, man? Who gives a shit?

I don't give a shit. It's a weird thing to do all these goddamn marathons that is why they're in your 50s yeah pounding on the joints you know I it's obviously amazing what anyone does it like cam does it and Goggins and you know what the fuck you ran a hundred miles like what are you talking about? But at least those guys live that insane lifestyle. But Eddie's not- It's comic. Come on.

Yeah. What'd you do this year? I ran 50 marathons. What'd you do? The fuck? Well, this was that Burt's thing. He wanted to do 1,000 miles in a year. He did that last year, and then he upped it to 2,000.

He was like, I think I overshot. He's like- Yeah, he's like- He runs so much, but his belly just keeps getting bigger. It's all it's all it's all related to To diet all of it you think well, I mean like you know he's he is Working out and he is running Yeah It's definitely all diet and he knows it too but that video of you guys when you're playing basketball and you see his pregnant belly

That was his biggest. Really? That was his biggest. Well, one of, because I remember we were talking about it and he said that. What is that? Jesus Christ. The hair doesn't grow in between those two zones. Isn't that strange?

Yeah. Does he shave that? No. No? What is that weird gap? I thought he shaved it. Just fucking peak. There's a weird gap.

Peak male physique, man. Yeah, he just just it's you know it's wine on the treadmill wine at night yeah bottles of wine he'll drink like two bottles of really and he'll eat like he is like a fucking dog where if you're like here's a treat you know he's doing ice bath yeah I moving. We were podcasting a couple weeks ago, and in the middle of it, I just hand him a chocolate that's wrapped up. He was telling a story. He's like, what is this?

And I go, it's an alfajor. It's like a Spanish treat. And he was like, oh. And he just starts unwrapping. And he's like, what the fuck, man? He just got so distracted by the treat. And that's why he is like if you bring if you bring any treat pizza don't anything in the room his

brain just switches you see it what drives me crazy he's on high blood pressure medication yeah I know I know and he just like well I'm on the medication was we'll just keep doing exactly goes to the doctor you know I just which is crazy I talked to someone medication. Might as well just keep doing exactly what I'm doing. At least he goes to the doctor, you know? Which is crazy. I talked to someone last night who, I'll just spare them, but who's older than us. And he's like, you know, I haven't been to the doctor in 35 years. What?

And I go, you said that like it's cool. Like you're bragging about it, man. And he was like. Talking about Stanhope? No. Different person. But I was like, you know, that's not like you're like you're bragging about it man he was like talking about Stanhope no different person but I was like you know that's not like a great thing he was like yeah 35 years and I go you're not worried about like this XYZ he's like oh yeah my brother-in-law's got colon cancer I go how you think he found out found out the doctor like you needed to get checkups man I was talking to a guy with had colon cancer. You know how he found out? He was shitting blood for 10 years.

10 years? 10 years. And he was like, look at this. Yeah, he ran a marathon, and when he was running a marathon, blood was squirting out of his asshole while he was running the marathon. Dude, come on, man. Like he'd stop, drop his pants, take a shit in the woods, leave a big puddle of blood, keep running.

Is he alive? Yep. Yeah. Yeah, you get chemo, surgery, the whole deal. Yeah. But it's like 10 years of shitting blood. That never woke you up? How about 10 days of shitting blood?

How about 10 hours of shitting blood? Yeah. You'd be like, yo, what's that? Blood out of your asshole is always a sign. I panic when I eat beet salad. Oh, yeah. And I forget. Oh, what's that? Blood out of your asshole is always a sign. I panic when I eat beet salad. Oh, yeah. And I forget. Oh, yeah.

I had beet juice one time, and I was like, I have stomach cancer. Yeah. I'm certain of it. Oh, no. Oh, my God. And those people who do that are, you know it's like a denial avoidance thing. Yes. Like if I don't go, I won't know that anything's bad.

Yeah, and they just feel something weird. And I'm sure it's like a denial avoidance thing. Like if I don't go, I won't know that anything's bad. Yeah and they just, they feel something weird. And I'm sure it's like related to some like childhood trauma, you know. Like holding your poop. Something, yeah, yeah. Guy that worships me doesn't poop, he poops once a month. Get the fuck out. I swear to God.

Is this Lindsay? No, Eni. Eni poops like once a month. And I go, what are you talking about man? And he's like, he hates shitting, I it I hate and it's all related to like some story and then he you know like I'll be like was like we're having a meeting I was like when you when you shit like I don't know I go what this week and he was like I know I haven't shit this week did you shit last week he's like no why

then I asked him what's it like when you do shit? Oh, my God. It must be madness. He's like, it is fucking. He's like rail thin. Really? Yeah. It's like six flushes. He's like, the fucking whole apartment stinks. It's a real disaster, man.

Wasn't Ari like that? Ari had that. I think it was on your podcast. He told those nasty stories. Yeah. You know, I was with Joe. It's here. It's here. It was here. It was at Cap City.

I was at Cap City working with you. We're here with Ari and Red Band. Oh, in the fucking Homer Simpson's mouth? Yeah. His bottle. It's like a cheeseburger. I pulled Brian aside and I was like, hey, man, this is really, really terrifying. I'm like, that guy's going to die.

And he was like, I go, please don't tell him. And he was like, okay. And I walk on stage and I get back and Ari's like, are you worried about my asshole? And I go, yeah, I've never seen anything like that, man. I go, are you not worried about that? I mean, it was like prolapsed, hanging out of him. I go, he goes, I just put like a tissue in there.

And I was like, this, I mean, this is some shit that I've never heard of, seen, experienced, and how are you not worried? And he was like, no, not worried about it. He mumbled something, I was like, dude, you have to go to a doctor. He was going through a rough patch. But that was a real, that's alarming to see.

It was not good. No. It was the most cartoonish hemorrhoids. It didn't look like any asshole I'd seen before, and I'd seen before. And I'd seen a few. Never seen anything like it. I remember we were like, what the fuck?

Dude. And he showed it to us. Yeah. I mean, it looked like someone had put a vacuum to his asshole, sucked it out, and was like, check this out. Someone gave his asshole fake lips. Yes. Injected his fucking, his asshole lips. Speaking of prolapsed assholes, that was one of the videos that you sent me that I was like, what in the fuck am I looking at?

One of the videos that they- You wrote back to me. You go, do you play this on your show? And I was like, yeah. These two dudes were fisting each other. Yeah. These two dudes were fisting each other. And the craziness, their body had turned inside out like a sock,

and it was sticking out of their asshole, and then this guy is rubbing their two assholes together. Yeah. So this guy had these two dudes' butts, like, left to right, and then he was fisting them both and then and then he pulls out and their insides come out with him and one guy you were saying the doctor who saw the video said he's our doctor friend was like that guy's 15 minutes from being dead yeah he's like it like the the purple coloration he was like that guy could be dead for sure in a few minutes yeah how

many guys die from fisting Google that let's look at this up how many guys why are you moaning like that all the things we've talked about on this podcast for in order for me that's coming again trouble later for looking this up go duck duck go bro okay stop using Google there's signal spies you know here that a Zuckerberg got busted uses signal really yeah he was using Signal. Is this an app? Yeah, Signal's an app.

Yeah. But he owns WhatsApp. Oh, right. But WhatsApp is taking, Facebook gets the data from WhatsApp. It's not really secure. I'm doing dirty shit here. Are you going to really report that you died from, I think you can't, but like, how's that going to calculate? There might be a stat on it, though.

We should probably know. Like, how many people die doing BMX jumps how many people die fisting it's probably it's risky activity yeah how many people do you think let's guess let me guess I mean

I'm gonna guess a year a year worldwide worldwide that we know about. It's got to be. It's definitely triple digits. Triple digits. I think so.

But see, the thing is reported. Because it definitely happens more than is reported. Right. 100 people plus. I think so. Die in fisting accidents. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of people. 7 billion people. What is it? Probably 8 now, right? Seven and change. I don't know how to even find this. Well, what are you doing?

Stop being scared to your Google. Look, whatever Google search you have, I'm responsible for it. I'm with the DuckDuckGo now, so I'm trying to think really hard, how would you find this answer? How many people die from fisting every year? That doesn't work. Fisting deaths per year. How about-

How about fisting deaths 2020? That's a rough year for fisting. Maybe we have less suicides because more people are dying fisting. What if instead of fisting, it's just like anal trauma deaths? No, let's find out fisting first. Let's not sell ourselves short. That's true. We're going to negotiate.

We'll start out with a real high bid. We'll work our way down. What you got, Jamie? It doesn't even want to tell me. It's like heat related deaths. Are you sure you don't want us to car related deaths? Are you sure? Okay let's ask Siri. How many people die from fisting every year? I didn't find anything on the web for how many people die from fisting every year. They're trying to keep this from us, man. You really didn't find anything, Siri?

Blind bitch. They're trying to keep this from us. Try again. What would I say? I mean, I have one report of a vaginal fisting as a cause of death. Not anal and not male. And it's just like in's like in a journal on a

like medical journal actually wrote the whole report about how it happened that's a weird thing to do studies on yeah I went a bunch of surgeries one day and they were all vaginal dick surgeries oh boy this is for your show nope I was a freshman in high school. Why'd you do that? Because I thought I wanted to be a doctor. I didn't know I was dumb. Oh really?

Yeah. I went to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville and my uncle, who was a urologist, sent me up with the urology department there and they took me, I saw 13 operations and the first one at like 7 or 8 a.m it's like dragging i just see this lady's legs you know spread wide open and this just old loose you know and the guy he goes uh hey man don't say anything about you know what's down there because she's awake and i was like oh okay and then he went in there he was was like, oh, my God. And he had found like a softball-sized cyst in there.

And he was like, this is so notable, the size. They would need to document this for, you know, journals and stuff. So they brought in another crew with cameras, took pictures of it, measuring it. I was like, oh, my God. And then they punctured it and it was just like the thing and i was like smell i didn't get the smell i didn't get the but the visual was incredible he's like and then he's just talking to her he's like how you doing up there she's like good he's like we're taking some pictures and she's like okay how old was the lady uh like 80. oh jesus yeah softball

side cyst in the cooch when you're 80 years old. Yeah. Enormous. Oh, my God. I still have that visual. Cysts are weird, man. They are. They are.

What's happening? Why is that? And it's still, that's still unanswered. Like, a lot of them, they're like, just hope your body was like, yeah, we're just going to keep a fatty deposit right here. Yeah. Yeah. Why?

What caused it? We don't know. It doesn't go away. No. You can have have it removed some people have them on their heads you know you follow dr. pimple popper yeah yeah you roll your eyes and look down yeah some of that stuff I will go on her page once every couple of weeks or so and just get lost for like 15 minutes yeah what satisfying some I know really sad real satisfying. Why is it satisfying to watch them pop zits? I don't know.

And some of those like cysts, you're like, what? And you ever see the guy, like you know you're saying like 10 years I shit blood? Yeah. And there'll be like a growth on someone's, and you're like, is there a football under your shoulder or something? And then he's like, I'm getting it removed today. How long did you wait, man? Well, how about those dudes whose balls grow up to the size of you know like literally like a

wrecking ball yeah like one giant ball of whatever the fuck it is yeah hanging between your legs stretching your sack skin out and then they just eventually have to deal with it yeah like what how long are you gonna wait like why are you not waiting? There was like, I mean, yeah. Why were you waiting? That's got to be mental illness. If you have like a hundred pound scrotum, you're like, well, you know. There's a lot of those guys. I put it on a shopping cart and I just kind of walk around. That's what they do. Yeah.

You have to put it on some sort of a wheelie thing. But I don't think you have a sound mind if you're like, that's the solution. Just push it around. Maybe just scared to get your balls cut. Maybe. But they're probably broken anyway. I don't think anything could function normally. I mean, how are you imagining his loads, though?

Yeah. If you're shooting 17 shots, that guy's like a fucking Uzi. Maybe. Emptying. It doesn't even squirt out, just pours. Pours out, yeah. Like a fountain. Like one of those little babies

You know the baby on the fountain cherub. Yeah, the water is a constant stream. Yeah. Yeah about this guy this guy Yeah, so I'm talking about living with the world's biggest testicles like look at that. Look at they're all chafed and shit So he's rolling over in bed So he's scratching them. it's weird that YouTube will show the sack skin yeah you can't show cock that is so strange and then weird like you show part of that like look oh I'm looking at this guy's giant sack and I can't see his pecker this how he eats put balls. Well, he's got a napkin over his balls. Yeah. His balls and his kink. Oh, man.

This poor bastard. I know. Oh, here's another guy. That's him. Same guy. I thought it was a different guy. You shaved his head? Yeah.

You shaved his head? Yep. Yeah, there he goes. Yikes. But, I mean, they can't offer him anything, didn't they? We offered him a television show, bro. I thought when I was going to get to the end of this video, it was going to be like he had surgery, but I guess not. No, we kept the balls to get the show.

You got a choice. What are you going to do? You want to be a regular guy? You want to be the guy with the biggest balls on TV? Come on, we're on TV. You know that guy in Mexico who had the world's biggest dick? Huge dick. But it's really his penis was inside a growth, right?

So in other words, it looks like an elephant trunk. Oh. And they're like, oh, when they did the CAT scan, they're like, no, here's his penis. And this is like a, I mean, I'm, you know, not medically getting it right, but it's like a growth of skin over it. And they were like, oh, we can actually reduce this

and give you like, you know, quote, a normal penis. Didn't want to. How big was his dick? Like three and a half feet. Yeah, you can... Let's fly now. I'm sorry, but they... Jamie's so scared to Google these things.

You notice? Update on this story first. Oh, man who had 132 pounds scrotum removed is finally optimistic about the future as he prepares to have more surgery. More surgery. I like that it says... Is that the same dude?

Yeah, but look, he was removed for free but was still not happy. He said his one-inch penis left him with no chance of finding love. I'd say your ball bag was kind of preventing it too. Wow, but that is madness. Imagine you have a huge set of balls and a tiny, tiny, tiny dick. Yeah, it's a real small dick, man. I had a picture of him with, like, Without it?

With his dick? Oh, there he is. Oh, look at him. He's fairly normal. He doesn't look happy. He doesn't look happy. One step at a time. Yeah, that Mexican dude, he's Mexican with the penis.

You'll see, and the doctor was like, well, you know, for free. Like, to give you, like, a life. Oh, that's nice. Because his thing was not, it wasn't, it was preventing him from doing anything.

Right. It was down to, like, his ankle, man. But it was a growth over his penis and he didn't. This is not the guy, right? It's someone else.

That's him. No, that's him. Oh, this article says it's fake. No. I saw a documentary on this. It says someone else. That's him. No, that's him. Oh, the article says it's fake. No. I saw a documentary. It says it was actually six inches long. Mexican man thought to have the world's biggest penis. Well, yeah.

He accused of exaggerating as scan shows it's actually only six inches long. This is it. That's the point. Yeah. A foot shorter than he claims. Six inches is 18.9. Because his penis is in that skin. Oh, hold on.

Go back up. Go back up. Go back up. Look at this. He stretched it using weights., hold on, hold on. Go back up. Go back up. Go back up. Look at this. He stretched it using weights. It is now thought to be the world's biggest. A radiologist said that Mr. Cabrera's penis is actually only six inches long. See there?

See? Oh, he's obsessed with his penis size. Of course he is. They didn't want to. Get a giant hug. Look at him. Yeah. So that's a growth.

How come it doesn't say that, that it's a growth? Oh, boy. So they thought he was carrying something as he went through the airport, remember? Yeah, they're like, what is that? And they're like, what is that? He's like, go and grab. Go and grab. Grab.

But that thing doesn't get hard or anything, man. Says who? Shut the fuck up. I touched it. Let the guy. Maybe it's just you. You're just not sexy. Put it back up again.

Let me see that again. Oh, he pees out of his foreskin sometimes. I wonder. Here's the average penis size. He'd rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people, Dr. Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez. Look at that guy's name. Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez.

In Latin culture, whoever has the biggest penis is more macho. It's something that makes him different to the rest of the people and makes him feel special. Why'd you even print that? Duh. Just write duh right there. See he's like I'm happy with it. I am famous because I have the biggest penis in the world. I am happy with my penis. I know nobody has the size I have. The sheer size of Mr. Cabrera's penis causes him a number of health problems, including frequent urinary tract infections because not all his urine escapes his lengthy foreskin.

He keeps his colossal member wrapped in bandages to escape chafing. He's also unable to sleep chest down and has to put his penis on its own pillow to escape discomfort during the night. An active sex life is off limits to him as his penis is too much girth to have intercourse. That right there makes it not worth it. Yeah. I mean, come on, man. Some people ask if I put on condoms on it, and the answer is I cannot. I can never penetrate anyone because it's too thick. Look at that.

So where does it say that it's a growth? I don't know what it doesn't say. But like that's what the, you know. This is a click bait? No, but the article is like, you know, it's his penis is inside that growth. Oh, hold on. Scroll down again.

It says I would like to be a porn star. Scroll down. I'd like to be a porn star and I think I'd make a lot of money over there. And when people are not like over here, they are more liberal, and they don't care about what I have in my pants. Okay. Okay, dude.

So he wants to go to the U.S. and spend the rest of his life over there with his giant dick. Good luck. There is a lot of women. I don't feel sad because I know in the U.S. there is a lot of women. One of them will be the right size for me. He can find someone that can accommodate that thing. But it's a growth. Yeah.

That's what the scan revealed. They're like, oh, his penis is in here. And this is a growth that kind of, you know. But did he make that growth from getting his dick stretched? I don't know about that part. I just know that I watched that doc And they were like yeah dude You can have a normal life He doesn't want the regular dick

He's 54 now and when he was a teenager He started wrapping weights around his penis To make it longer Oh so he turned it into that thing Jesus Christ This practice would place tension on the skin, and it got even tears in it. Oh, my God. His body would naturally repair the small cuts.

You don't have to do that. Naturally repair the small cuts. That's what it says. And it just gets thick. But there are people that do that. I've seen little devices they sell online. I mean, I didn't go to the website and order it or anything. No.

But I've seen these little things where they strap things to your dick to stretch it out yeah and you can put weights on it and guys weight their dicks down dudes get dick injections to like thicken it up but i don't know man that seems real risky it's a tough move yeah you're taking a big chance you're taking a real chance you get an infection your cat but this is all the kind of stuff that you would have on these your mom's house lives yeah and that's listing okay you perked out double fisting videos I think in the first one first or second really yeah and how'd you guys handle it not well about it before I did but no one else did because it had been sent to Christina handle it? Not well. Did you know about it before? I did, but no one else did because it had been sent to me. How did Christina handle it?

Not well. She was like, oh, no, it turned away. I think she might have walked out of the room. Yeah. It didn't go well. So the whole program consists of a bunch of different things. Yeah. And how many have you done so far?

We just did number five. Wow. And so has it evolved over the time that you've been doing it? The latest one was the tightest one. I mean it had a great, like, it had an opening, cold open sketch where I, you know, she was in that, we went to a plastic surgeon and I was like, you need to help me out with this.

Like I want her to be a bigger tits and da da da. So we had like a set up, cold open, and then when you cut to the live feed, she had all the work done, like the prosthetics and the tattoos, you know. So we had a sketch to open it. And then we had like, you know, other segments. There was like this guy that she had found on TikTok that became like somebody that we would play clips of.

And she went on like a date with him. And we shot that. And so that became like a sketch on the show. So people who are like into like the YMH world, I think if you're like a super fan of it, you know, it's entertaining. And then Marcus King Band did a set. So we had that shot.

Who's that? He's a fucking badass, man. He's a guitar singer, you know, a rock star, man, in Nashville. And I actually did Conan with him a few years ago. And he's got a baby face. And I was like, how old is he? Is he like 15?

And I think he wasn't, like, maybe he was 18 or something. I don't know, like really young. And he shreds and sings like a fucking angel. Like one of those people, when you hear him sing, you're like, that voice was putting you, you know? Wow. Like that's not, that's not like, oh, I'm training to sing like this. That's Marcus King.

Okay. Yeah, he's dope, man. And his band is amazing. So he played a set for us that we shot. We went to Nashville and shot it. And then that was part of the YMH Live episode. And then we had Chris DiStefano came on, who was hilarious.

And then we eventually got to the heavy segment, which was like the closer. And that's what you wrap up with. So it was like three and a half hours live streaming show. Wow. And so you bring in guys like Chris DiStefano and different comics. To sit on the couch. Yeah, different couch.

And one of the earlier ones, my parents zoomed in and my mom was trashed. And it was amazing. Like she was a mess. Dude, when you recorded your mom farting. Oh, yeah. Did she forgive you for that? Or was she mad at you? It cost me a lot of money, man. like she was a mess dude when you recorded your mom farting oh yeah did she forgive you for that or is she mad at you

it cost me a lot of money man really yeah yeah because when I recorded it I recorded it and there's you know there's that moment

where she sees me in her eyes but she's like you are not my son anymore and I had it and the next day I was like I have to be able

to share this video and she was like are you crazy no way and I go mom I have to be able to share this video. And she was like, are you crazy? No way. And I go, mom, I have to. She was like, you'll never be my son if you do that. And I go, what if I paid you? And she was like, how much?

And I was like, oh, here we go. And then the negotiations start. She's like, I want two first class tickets to Las Vegas. I want this. I want money to gamble. And then I was like, fine. And then I can play the video. And she's like, I need new luggage. And then it was like, fine. And then I can play the video. And she's like, I need new luggage.

And then it was like, I mean, it's very Latin mom. Believe me. Like, there's, that's what she knows from recording her. But, yeah. It was just, you know, it's like. So you just randomly caught her farting like that? Dude, so Does she do it all the time? Yeah, but usually like

My whole life yeah yeah like really long ass like crazy farts holy shit you have long jizz she has long farts yeah very incredible it's very Latin yeah but she like her when when I was I remember I you know that's the magic of these having that that uh icon the camera icon is that I had said something to her I was like oh you you got one cooking like you got a fart but you can't fart right now like just randomly and I just happened to put my hand I was like oh here's my phone and I just hit camera and she turned and like braced the counter and I'd hit record and it was like magic and I was like this is a

nine point two second part and this is really incredible and how much do you think it wound up costing you um let me see i mean there was plane tickets hotel gambling money luggage and then like i bought her like nice luggage and then we walked by another store she's like they have the backpack we match we're gonna go get the backpack i'm like i just bought you fucking five new bag she's like yeah but I don't have the backpack in this trip so I mean it probably like $8,000 or something you know something like that that seems worth it totally worth it and then and then people were like we want to hear her fart more so I think they set up fart mistress calm like as a site to just plead with her to fart more. Oh my gosh. And they were saying they were gonna make contributions.

Like, they were like, let's get basically a fundraiser. Yeah, fartmistress.com. Fartmistress.com. Please encourage Tom's mom to make fart videos. And people would send in messages with this. The farting thing, there's a whole fetish group. There's guys that are really into farting. We talked about it and we had them, people wrote in

and they said the theme we saw the most in that was they're like the hot, the turn on these guys said was the pretty girl doing the dirty, stinky thing. That's what they're, I was like oh, okay. I mean I get it intellectually. You're saying, she's so beautiful and she's doing this nasty thing.

That was their kink for it. It's a weird kink. It is. I mean, and I imagine that it's probably, all of those I think come from childhood, right? Yeah, because some guys like girls to fart on them.

Like girls to fart in their face and stuff. Yeah, I've seen those. That doesn't do anything for me, though. No. I don't understand it. Shit, like all the kinks, I kind of go like, even if it doesn't turn me on, I go, oh, I see. When you see people turned on by shit, I'm like, yeah, you lost me, man. I don't know.

I can't do shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird one. There was always this rumor, this famous Hollywood star, who shall remain unnamed, who liked women to do... What do they call it when a girl shits on a glass table? Yeah, I've heard of this. Hot Carl.

What's it called? Hot Carl was without the table, but there's levels of it with the table. Yeah, but there's a thing, like fishbowl or something like that. I forget what it's called, where someone lies on the table, underneath the table, glass table, and they look up and their thing is like watching the girl's asshole open up

and just drop a stinky shit right on the table. I mean, I can get why you'd watch that, but it doesn't get my dick hard. You know what I mean? No, not at all. Not at all. It's a crazy move, man. That's when my dick hard. You know what I mean? No. No. Not at all. Not at all. It's a crazy move, man. That's when my dick goes.

It's a weird move. Someone taking a shit doesn't do it for me. Yeah. It's odd. Some guys can't even handle, like a buddy of mine told me, he went over his girl's house. They were about to get nasty,

and he went to her bathroom, and she had a floater, and he said he just completely lost interest in having sex with her what really yep just like I can't he was like 20 so okay you know gonna say young and stupid yeah but just he had this idea of what this was and then he goes in there and just do it yeah it's a floating log mmm yeah yeah that's life we're gonna do it definitely wouldn't that's fine for me are you gonna do? I definitely wouldn't, that's fine for me.

Are you worried that you're gonna run out of videos? Yeah. It's that you don't run out of videos, you go, you always wanna change kind of the theme, you know, and then you also don't want certain themes. Right. But, you know, that's why we try to raise the entire production value. Yeah. So it's like, it's not – that's the last segment. That was probably a 30-minute thing and a three-and-a-half thing.

But, yeah, it is – people are like – what happens is the people who are getting these YMH Lives, they go like, let's see what you got on the heavy segment. When are you doing the next one? We're going to – we're actually shooting one. Like we're going to shoot it, not stream it it live shoot it and cut it and release it we're doing it in front of a live audience and that'll come out in May oh my god excuse me and then I think we'll probably take June down and then maybe do one in July well when you do one out here can can I sit on the couch? Yes.

All right. I would love for you to. Really? You're in? Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, I want to do it. Done. Yeah.

And I will have them find the heaviest. I'm already scared. Oh, you should be. I'm already scared. We'll try to break you. Please. Please do. All right.

Thanks for being here, brother. I'm so excited that you're moving here, too. Me, too. This was a lot of fun today. Yeah, it was really fun. It's old school. Yeah. And we got to talk all those other losers into moving here, too.

Yeah, and dude- That's the problem. A lot of them are doing it. Yeah, a lot of them are doing it. It's not taking a lot of arm twisting. Well, I can't wait to bring you to what we're going to build. Yeah. I got a lot of shit happening.

It's fucking exciting, man. It's so crazy. Yeah. But I'm really psyched that you're here. Me, too, man. It means a lot fucking exciting, man. It's so crazy. Yeah. But I'm really psyched that you're here. Me too, man. It means a lot. Thanks, man. All right.

Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody.