The Joe Rogan Experience - #1642 - Andrew Santino

Episode Date: April 29, 2021

Andrew Santino is a standup comedian and actor. He's the host of the "Whiskey Ginger" podcast and co-host of the "Bad Friends" podcast with Bobby Lee.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. Big boss, huh? He's got one on the other room. You like his man bun? No. I've been trying to shave his head for six months.

I don't like it either. Why don't you get a pair of trimmers? You look like one of the guys from Mortal Kombat, that movie I just fucking watched. You look like one of those... Buzz that motherfucker and wear cool hats. What's the deal? Why are you growing it out so much? Roll the film on this.

We're going. Rolling. Why? Yeah, when I walked in and I didn't even recognize him. I was like, who's that cutie? Who's that cute girl over there? That's how I actually started working for Joe. I had hair this long.

It's actually longer when I started working for him. There's something about when it gets all gray, though, that you're supposed to cut it real short. You can't have gray, long hair. Then you're either a drug dealer or you're running a cult. You do look like you sell Coke. Is there not a moment in the morning where you're embarrassed that you have to put a little tie up? Every time.

Every time. Why don't you shave your head? Just get some trimmers that give you a little buzz. I want to do it. Why not? Because it's easy. I know. That's the thing.

It's like you do. I shaved my head today. I just got the little trimmers. Buzz it out. Gave myself a buzz. It took about five minutes. I didn't. I know you didn't.

That's what I'm saying. You ought to put a rubber band in your head. That's preposterous. All right, look. This is the last I'll say about it. I'm being real. I love you. I'm not making fun of you.

I love you, too. Because you know I love you. I love you, too. But let me say this. What's up? Do you do it because you think chicks like it All right, look, this is the last I'll say about it. I'm being real. Okay. I love you. I'm not making fun of you. I love you, too. Because you know I love you. I love you, too. But let me say this. What's up? Do you do it because you think chicks like it? No, no, no. I just haven't been to a barber, literally.

I went to do it before the pandemic started. Yeah. We went to Vegas, and I planned on doing it in Vegas. Right. I just didn't get a chance to go that day. Right. And then we came back the next week, and there was no barbers available for eight months. What a boring-ass excuse.

Let's go out and get lit up tonight and let's shave your head. Yeah. Come on, dude. I thought about doing it the last couple of days. I'm just like, I haven't done it yet. Let's do it here. I bet you they got a razor. Let's do it here, baby.

Let's make history right now. Yeah, let's do some razor blades in there. It's not that exciting. Let's NFT your hair, Jamie. Okay, now we're talking. Yeah. Let's carve some lightning bolts in there and shit. Hell yeah, bro.

I have a pretty cool mullet if I cut it right right now, too. But that's taken by some people. Yeah, you don't want to step on Theo's toes. Hey, man, Jamie, I saw that mullet, man. You can't claim a mullet. You don't own a mullet. Theo owns the mullet right now. But he doesn't.

He's like the mullet king of the comedy world. In our comedy world, who has a mullet that can compete? Foxworthy was the original. Yeah, he had a mullet,et that can compete Foxworthy was the original yeah he had a mullet right yeah Foxworthy was the original mullet God who else has one any lesbian ladies as opposed to what let's go the old lesbian dudes it's a couple lesbian dude comics what is the old well the who had a mullet back in the day I'm trying to think no no no you always had a baseball hat on yeah no Foxworthy was the original mullet back in the day? I'm trying to think. No. No. No, he always had a baseball hat on. Yeah. No, Foxworthy was the original mullet king.

And man, if for some reason he pulled it off, he still looked cool anyway. It didn't matter for some reason. He's got great jokes. That's what it was. See? If the jokes are good, nobody cares about all the other stuff. If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.

Stack a TV on a TV. He was great, man. I mean, he still is. I don't know what he's doing. He had a shtick, and he was a really good comic. He had a lot going on there. And it was also like, they figured something out with that blue-collar comedy tour.

There's like a whole untapped market. Yeah. That was the first click of Seinfeld mullet. Kind of a mullet. That's like an 80s cool guy look. Right. Yeah, they said it's a cross between a mullet, oh, between his mullet and chunky sneakers. Can we, can I make fun of that?

Can we talk about that? What? He wears like, he wears like a suit coat and jeans and then like the biggest Nikes. He wears like the Nike Shox all the time. He loves those. He loves those? Get this guy some Stan Smiths or something, man. It's so weird.

What's a Stan Smith? Just the old school. These. Like these. Just regular sneakers. Oh, okay. Just like a dude. I never understood that about Seinfeld.

He's dressed up, but he's dressed down. He wants to be like, I'm business, but still playful. Well, there's some guys who can pull off the suit with a nice pair of sneakers look. But those are chunky. Pull up the ones, you know, the Nike Shox. He wears those all the time. They're just too big, and it just looks like a white guy from Long Island who wants to. There's a weird look, right?

The suit with sneakers on. It's not my. Just get on some nice dress shoes. Or, by the way, they make dress shoes that are sneakers now. Right. They're like transitional. Yes. Yeah.

You can get both ways. Can I say that? Transitional shoes? They're trans shoes? Yes. Transitional shoes? You can say that. You're allowed to say that about shoes.

Yeah, they're just shoes. For now. For now, yeah. But it might change. Don't, don't assume the gender of my shoes, Joe. You don't know. Are there girly shoes? But right though?

Aren't there? There's gender neutral shoes. How come when I buy shoes online, it says women's shoes and men's shoes? Sizing. Right, but it says- But even still, because they give you man sizes on there, don't they?

Like a girl's, but why do they make girls feel like they have bigger feet? Because a girl's size nine is a man's size seven. Correct. Why not just make it size seven? All the same. Yeah. See?

Because like Chucks, which are probably my favorite, that's what they do. They'll let you know, girls size nine, guys size seven. Right. Yeah. So my size is 11. The girls would be, that would make a girl feel like she's got giant ass feet. It would be a girl size 13.

You know? Them basketball player girls, they must have like complex 20s yeah i love because if a girl has a lebron size foot right right imagine probably nobody does but if they did what does he have like an 18 or something a lebron size girl probably well what is like shack has like a 22 22 okay so a girl would have like a 24 like Like, what the fuck, man? That's massive. Leave her alone. Two feet, two feet. I got to tell you, I'm not going to lie. When girls have big feet, something's so hot about it.

Really? Big feet is crazy hot to me. I don't know why. Especially when I was young, I liked big girls with big feet. Wow. Yeah, I was into it. I liked thick chicks with big feet. I had a thing I was into it. I liked thick chicks with big feet. I had a thing for thick ankles for a while.

Oh, you liked ankles. Yeah, I dated a girl in high school that had thick ankles, and she was pretty hot. Where it looks like her calf just goes into her shoe. She just had large ankles. Right. She was sturdy. Yeah, she was grounded. She was pretty.

Beautiful girl. Right. But she had sturdy ankles. Was she a ball? Did she play softball? Did she play volleyball? No, she did gymnastics. I think it was just the way she was

built. She was just, you know, some girls are just sturdier. She looked like she might be able to put up a good fist fight against you. Yeah, she'd probably fuck you up if you got her mad. Don't piss her off, dude. You ever see that video of the drunk girl in the bar? She's like short, but like really wide and fat, and she's

throwing some dude around. She throws this dude around, he falls down, he dude around. She throws this dude around. He falls down. He gets back up. Oh, she throws him again. She throws him again. Have you seen that? I love that. I think it's on Snoop's page right now.

I am such a giant fan of Snoop Dogg's Instagram. The best. I go there every day looking for nonsense. Him and Freddie Gibbs have the best Instagram by far. Doesn't Freddie Gibbs keep getting kicked offline? Yeah, all the time. They ban him for being too fucking funny. He always puts Y why PPO?

Why people? Why people? Whenever some white guy's doing some... Like, there was a guy, he put up a video the other day of a dude at a hotel. It's like a Marriott Suites or some shit. And he's recording. He's like, why did you hit the computer? Why did you hit your computer? Why are you freaking out? And this weirdo white kid is

all inside of himself. And he starts hitting himself in the face. Oh, boy. Have you seen that? Yeah, it's not good. It's fucking nuts. That's a disease, though. That guy's got a mental illness. Oh, yeah, something's wrong.

And he starts bawling, and the dude's like, this is who works here, huh? And then Freddie just wrote, white people. I love that shit. White people. What do you got there, Jimmy? Oh, that's it. That's it right there. There she is.

That's her. That's her. Fucking that dude up. That's what I'm talking about. Look at the ankles on that girl. It's a thick lady. Look at how. Oh, that's it. That's it right there. There she is. That's her. That's her. Fucking that dude up. That's what I'm talking about. Look at the ankles on that girl. It's a thick lady. Look at how hard she throws that dude. She knows how to throw her fucking weight around.

Look at her pushing that guy around. Look at the throw. And look how the other dude slams into her and nothing happens. She doesn't even bother. That's my favorite part. Watch. What guy slams into her? Nothing.

Nothing. Sturdy base. Very sturdy base. Like she did judo or something. Yeah. She threw him around like Steven Seagal. Look at that shit. That's what you get for cutting in line.

She was pissed. She's like, you motherfuckers are not getting before me. It's hilarious. That dude went down hard. I love Snoop. I love Snoop's Instagram. Snoop has transcended so many things. To go from a guy who had a murder charge in a gang, an actual gang member, right?

Growing up in Long Beach and then becoming someone that's like, my grandmother loves him. He hangs out with Martha Stewart. Yeah, my grandmother thinks he's hilarious. She's like, I love Snoopy Dogg. Who doesn't love him? You commented on this in 2019. Oh my God.

She has a tremendous base and a lifetime of drunken hand-to-hand combat experience. So comedian, UFC commentator Joe Rogan, this is the highest level female white trash opponent you could face, and clearly that dude was not prepared. 100% not. Oh, that's hilarious. It was at McDonald's in the UK. Oh, that's hilarious. Shout out to her for having that kind of skill. Funny when I forget I've commented on things. It's not the first time we've seen one. No, it's not the first. There's a great one right now on Josh Thompson, you know, Josh Thompson, the former MMA fighter commentator for Bellator now. He's got one on his page now where they're interviewing this lady, and she's talking about how this woman was supposed to – the cops were talking to this lady.

She's saying this lady sold her some crack, but it wasn't crack. It was actually plaster, and she wants her $20 back. She's very upset. It gets better. She's telling the cops she was going to buy crack? Watch this because it gets better. It gets better. I can't keep someone she was going to buy crack? Watch this, because it gets better. It gets better. I can't keep so long.

Let me restart it, because I went too far. For what? For anything. I don't care. Whatever it's for, but she can give me my money back if she ain't going to do nothing with it. Okay, were you planning to buy some drugs or something? Yes, I was. What kind of drugs were you wanting to buy?

Rock. Rock? Yes, I was. You gave her $20 to buy? I gave her $20. She gave me some plaster. And now you want your $20 back because she didn't supply you with crack cocaine. Well, if she shouldn't give me nothing, no plaster, then she should have said no.

What's going on? She come around here a while ago. There used to be some people that lived over there that used to sell. Yeah. We was sitting out here on the porch in some chairs. So she said, y'all have anything to buy? I said, no, baby. We don't have nothing to sell.

So she left me around the corner. Did she come back 10 minutes later and holler, give me my money back? What the fuck, man? What the fuck? Dude, that's the great... That was like an M. Night Shyamalan film. That was the greatest twist I've ever seen. I didn't see that coming at all. It was. I thought for sure...

I'm a prostitute. What a good drop. I don't know. Don't disrespect my child. Don't disrespect my child like that. I'm a prostitute, okay? Jesus Christ. I don't sell drugs.

I sell this drug. Actually, that's a drug, ma'am. I saw Suhudo commented on it. You saw he said, Suhudo said something on the side. I didn't see what he said, but he had commented on the video. Whose page was that? Josh Thompson's. Oh, yeah.

There's a never-ending supply of those videos. I know, man. That's the beautiful thing about being online. It's like there is so much shit you can laugh at. All the negative shit online, there's more of that fun stuff. You just have to keep going and looking for it and get away from all the bullshit online. It's like there's so much shit you can laugh at. All the negative shit online, there's more of that fun stuff. You just have to keep going and looking for it and get away from all the bullshit online. Stay off Twitter. Let me ask you a real question

because I have to ask you. I saw that Jake Paul kid chirping at your boy DC. Yes. What's the deal? Well, he wants to make some money. He's a very clever fellow. But what did DC say to him? DC said, take my fucking name out of your mouth. I'm not a kid.

I will fuck you up. And he was like, Ikes. Fucking former UFC heavyweight champion of the world. That's not what you want. But shout out, I will say, this fucking kid knows how to piss everybody off. He's so good at it. Let me tell you something, dude. We were in Florida, in Jacksonville, sold out arena, and they were all chanting, fuck

Jake Paul. Wow. Fuck Jake Paul. He's filming it. Oh, he's loving it. He's got his phone out. He's like, yeah. Because you know what he's hearing?

Money. Jake Paul. Jake Paul. No, he's hearing cha-ching. Yeah, the whole time. Cha-ching. He's making so much money, dude. Now be genuine.

He said there was 1.5 million pay-per-view buys when he knocked out Ben Askren. I don't know if that's true. Dana White says it's nonsense, but maybe he doesn't. I mean, who has the fucking receipts? If he's telling the truth, and if he's lying, why didn't he say 2 million? Why didn't he say 3 million? Why did he say 1.5? I mean, maybe he's telling the truth.

If he's telling the truth, they made a fucking considerable amount of money, and that's bigger by more than double the very legitimate three-title fight UFC card of this past weekend. Because that apparently got 700,000 buys. Granted, these are 700,000 ESPN plus verified absolute buys. There's no bullshit. Right. verified absolute buys there's no bullshit right you know this whole Triller Fight Club thing is like you know you got like rap music and a bunch of other shit and you got this Triller company which a friend of mine who works

in finance explained to me what Triller was the Triller event now verify this see if this is true they were originally poised did they put together a company I don't know if this is true this This is just what my friend told me. Right. And my friends were very smart. They put together this company because TikTok was about to be banned from the United States. And when TikTok was about to be banned, and Josh Rogan, the journalist, explained to us that clusterfuck, that they almost had it banned, but then they tried to capitalize

on it and make money and sell it to oracles. It's crazy shit. But anyway, when Triller was set to take over, like, hey, we're the new TikTok. So they got a bunch of money together. And then the Justice Department or whoever decided not to ban TikTok. The thing fell apart. TikTok's still here. So then they said, we're going to put on fights.

I don't know if that's true. Close. Very close. It was already an app going around that was a very small competitor to TikTok based almost just on hip-hop music only. And then they expanded into video, other stuff, and then that happened. They were used because they were the only U.S. competitor. So then they negotiated a deal with Mike Tyson to fight Roy Jones Jr. Right.

And that was this gigantic, huge fight. That got over a million buys, I believe, right? I think so. That's huge. And I believe that. I mean, everybody wanted to see what the fuck was happening there. And then, Mike Tyson recently said he wants nothing to do with them. He's not doing anything with them anymore. Why? Did something happen? I don't know. I wonder.

The money wasn't... Did something happen with the money? I have no idea. Maybe he got a I don't know. I wonder. The money wasn't, something happened with the money? I have no idea. Maybe he got a better offer somewhere else. Maybe they didn't do him justice. So was the app like, Jamie, is the app like how TikTok is? Is that what it was?

Like you upload videos and all that shit? I think like, you know, excuse me, the rapper DaBaby, I was going to say that wrong, but. You sound like my dad.

You sound so white. Well, that's how you say it. The rapper DaBaby. I was going to say, I didn't want to like stutter over the words, but he was using that instead of TikTok. And that's how his songs were getting big a year or two ago. Oh, Triller.

He was using Triller. I feel like people were telling him you should be on TikTok. And he's like, fuck that. And the reason that the TikTok thing was going to get curbed was because they believe that it was because it's a Chinese app. So they're like, but the TikTok that we use, their servers are all U.S. servers. That's why that was gone away. I'm almost positive that's what I heard was our TikTok that we use here from our- So it's our government spying on us.

Correct. So it's not the Chinese government. Correct. So we're okay. Yeah, they're okay. It's not communist. It's okay if it's us. Yeah.

You guys can't do it, but we're going to do it. It's all so wacky. You know how people cover up their cameras on their laptops? Do you do that up there on that laptop? I do, but I open it up when I jerk off. Me too. I have to, and I stare right into it. Come watch.

And I go, Joe. Woo! Joey Biden. Woo! I never understood that. This is recording at all times? Yes. So what's the difference?

You're going to cover up your camera? They're all listening to you the whole time. There's a lot of things that could record you at all times. Fine. What what's the difference? Are you going to cover up your camera? They're all listening to you the whole time. There's a lot of things that could record you at all times. Fine. What are you going to do? Just don't be a piece of shit. Just accept it. Just accept that they're going to get you. Well, I mean, who is they? And if they do

get you, then they have to admit that they've been doing this the whole time with no warrant. But that's the thing about the Patriot Act and the Patriot Act 2 and all that jazz. They can just sort of randomly decide that you're a threat to the Republic. Totally. Could you be a threat to the public? Well, the

White House commented on what I said about vaccines. It's so funny. Fauci hit you up. Well, he didn't hit me up necessarily. He disagreed with me. Right. I got vaxxed up, baby. Did you? I got one shot in the arm. But didn't you already get COVID?

Yeah, I had Rona. I had it in October. So why did you get a vaccination? I'm a sheeple, dude. I'm part of the sheep, dude. I wanted it. Because my antibodies, I think, were gone. The last time we got tested for antibodies was three months after.

And they said they were there, but they weren't super strong. So you're scared. Yeah. What'd you get, the Johnson & Johnson? No, dudeson no dude i'm a durna mama you only got one though yeah why didn't you get two because my second one is in like two weeks or a week they have to spread you out a month yeah 21 days i got it nothing no uh i don't know man the whole thing like corona for me was weird already so i was like i don't know i'll just do that thing to not have it again. I bought into the system. I'm a sheep. Well, it's not being a sheep. I mean, there's some legitimate science behind this. This is like the thing about this whole thing, this people being upset at me. I didn't say I'm not an anti-vax person. In fact, I said,

I believe they're safe and i encourage many people to take them my parents were vaccinated i just said i don't think that if you're a young healthy person that you need it their argument was you need it for other people so you don't transmit the virus that makes more sense so i'm a young but that's a different argument i'm a young not so healthy person you're not that young okay Okay, Joe. Thanks, man. You're not. Okay. If you were a hot chick- Then you'd say I was young?

I'd be like, you're on the ropes. Am I backed up a little bit? How old are you? 37. Yeah, you're on the ropes, bro. What do you mean? That's still young? If you have no children and you're a hot chick, let's be honest.

I'm older now. You're on the ropes. Okay, fine. It's not bad. I'm getting older. I'm old as fuck. Yeah, you are. Okay, I'm 53 older i'm old as fuck yeah you are okay i'm 53 i'm old as fuck i'm almost 20 years older than you when we celebrated your 50 year old 50th birthday we were in detroit where were we i forget and i've and it hit me hard that you were 50 yeah

i was like oh my friend is 50 and i was starting to plan your funeral i was like i was going through all that stuff i was like what what are we gonna to do? But honestly, it doesn't bother me. No, because why? Because you're in such a great stride of your life. Because I'm on fucking steroids. Because I'm juiced up. Give them to me, bro. I'm on testosterone replacement therapy and every vitamin known to man. I take a giant athletic greens every day.

I take a fucking pallet of vitamins. What do I need to take? I feel fantastic. What do I need to take? I'm fantastic. What do I need to take? I'm in the sauna every day. Here's the thing. All these people that are saying, in many ways,

listen, here's the thing. These are not planned statements. Let's be real clear. When I say something stupid, I'm not thinking about what I'm going to say before I say it. I'm just saying it.

Right? I don't have an off-air and on-air voice. I don't. No. I have me. This is us. on air voice. I don't. I have me. This is us. Yeah. I got through the fucking net and I'm swimming in open waters.

Okay? And that's just how I live. Yeah. I don't, like if you say you disagree with me, I probably disagree with me too. I disagree with me all the time. If you said, if someone said, yeah, young, healthy, 21-year-old people who eat well and exercise are not at high risk for coronavirus, but you should think about other people, I would say, well, that's a different argument. And yes, that makes sense. But I would say,

aren't those people vaccinated? And shouldn't we vaccinate the vulnerable people? And then we'd have a different conversation. The problem is today everything is all Headlines and highlights and it's all clickbait, which is fine. That's the business Yeah, and I listen I have a deep respect for real journalism I love Glenn Greenwald and Matt Taibbi and people that stick their fucking neck out and do real journalism But there's a lot of people out there That have to make a fucking living and what's the best way to make a living? Well, here's one way. Take a jackass like me.

Go over their podcast. Go over this three-hour, drunken, ridiculous podcast. Do we drink with Dave? Yeah. No. Dave Smith? I don't know. I don't think so.

No. I don't think we drink. I'd say no. Probably not. But that's unusual. Yeah. A lot of times we're drinking. Every time I'm here. Or we're high. Yeah. And I say stupid shit. I don't think we drank. Say no. But that's unusual. Yeah. A lot of times we're drinking or we're high. Yeah.

You know, and I say stupid shit. I get it. And if you mine that and you make money off of that, more power to you. Sure. I don't care. Yeah. I'm happy for you. Right.

But just don't lie. Just don't lie. Right. Get a little clickbaity. We're good. Yeah. That's okay. But I'm not going to lie.

Let me say one other thing. I was going to get the vaccine. I was scheduled to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. The UFC had allocated a certain amount of vaccines for all their employees. Right. And so Dana said, do you want to come in and get the vaccine? I said, sure. What day?

And he said, we'll set one aside when you come in for the fights. Come get vaccinated. I said, okay, great. I went in there. I spoke to Dr. Davidson. He said, the way the CDC has the vaccines allocated, we really have to do you at the

clinic. So can you come to the hospital? And I said, I can't. I don't have time. He said, you'd have to come back on Monday. I said, I'll work this out. And then it got pulled. Like right afterwards, the Johnson & Johnson thing got pulled. Which, now Johnson Johnson thing got pulled which Now here's the thing any

Medication again. I'm not a doctor. I'm a fucking moron and I'm a cage fighting commentator Who's a dirty stand-up comedian? We just told you I'm drunk most of the time and I do testosterone and I smoke a lot of weed, but I'm not a Respected source of information even for me if I say things I'm not a respected source of information, even for me. If I say things, I'm always going, check on that, Jamie. I don't know if that's true. I do that all the time. But I at least try to be honest about what I'm saying. Or what you feel.

Yes. Yeah, that's what it is. You're allowed to feel, you're like, this is how I kind of feel. My parents got both shots, nothing. Same with mine. Nothing. Same thing. My stepdad said he was tired for a day.

My parents felt nothing. My mom's a gorilla. She's like, literally, you can hit my mom with a meteor. She's like, what happened? Like, I had my mom get some stem cells from my doctor in Santa Monica. And he was like, dude, your mom doesn't even flinch. I shoved this fucking giant needle in her knee, and she just stares at doctor in Santa Monica. He was like, dude, your mom doesn't even flinch. I shove this fucking giant needle in her knee and she just stares at me in the eyes.

He goes, it was actually kind of scary. Do it again. Meanwhile, I get freaked out when I have too much of a block. I had tooth work done and they blocked my face when they give you... Oh, you get numb? Bro, but they... It's called a block and the block is where they have to numb one half of your face because they did so much work. So you can't smile?

Oh, dude. So you're like Stallone. Ew. Ew. But it creeped up to my eye. And at one point, I told her, I was like, I pushed her away. I was like, hey, this is like,

it's like up to my eyeball now. Like this part of my whole face. She's like, yeah, I gave you the full block. I was like, uh. Why'd you do that, lady? Yeah, I go, that was too much, man. My fucking eye was like twitching. And even like that, I was such a bitch about that I was like, uh, yeah, I go that was too much My fucking eye was like twitching and even like that I was such a bitch about that

I was like and but and I learned by the way when they block you they can only do one half of your mouth at A time because apparently they used to block both sides if they were doing a lot of dental work and people would bite off their tongue They would sever their they'd go home and eat within an hour and not know you were chewing right through your tongue And I was like how often that happened? She's like, thousands of times. Oh. People would bite off their whole fucking tongue. I was like, no way. Oh my God, I feel terrible.

So they had to, so apparently, you know, whoever regulates the American Dental Association, you're only allowed to block half your face. But I'm telling you, dude, I've never felt that way. It was like, my whole, I mean, she gave me a huge one because she had god she had to get my um my wisdom teeth and fuck my whole side of my face even though my eye was numb and i was a pussy about that with my parents they've already lived through so much that's why they don't get bothered by stuff like your mom didn't flinch because she's like i've lived through shit well her parents came over on a boat yeah i push people out of my pussy i'm not gonna fucking freak out about your your bullshit

that's i think our parents are just too tough they've lived through my grandmother's 90 and i when she traveled during corona to see her sister and i said no no aren't you a little scared and she was like no my wife's grandma was skiing when she was in her 80s they give a fuck why they lived through it yeah they already did it they're like dude i was they were like i was before color tv what the fuck do you mean like for all tv yeah fuck color tv yeah they were just just. I was there like I was before color TV. What the fuck you mean like for all TV. Yeah Yeah, they were just just the idea was just like nothing matters. She didn't care She was like I'll be fine, and if I'm not I'm not here's the here's an expression I forget who said this to me, but I I repeat it all the time

So I'm sorry if I don't give them credit But the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you right now You have to think about it if you're like Francis and Ghanu who was 10 years old working in a fucking sand mine in cameroon you know i'm saying yeah like and you didn't have any money and you had to walk miles to school right and you know you didn't have money for pencils and paper that's the worst thing that's happened to you or if somebody you know says something mean about you being maybe 10 pounds overweight and you're triggered. That's the worst thing that's happened to you.

But it's the worst thing that's happened to you. It's still the worst thing. We judge everything on a curve. So the worst thing that happened to you if it's a terrible atrocity or the worst thing that happened to you is someone saying you're chubby. We treat it like it's the same thing because we live in a soft time. It's easy to get by today. Well, we also live in our own little bubble, right?

Like we only know what we know and we only want, we've only, that phrase also is the same meaning of I can't relate to what it's like to grow up without a family in an orphanage struggling to eat. I don't know what that pain is like like I know what my shitty pains are like so Everyone shit is their own shit You don't know us making fun of Jamie's man bun may be really riddling him for the rest of the podcast he doesn't give a fuck Trust me don't don't don't know that got so snarky at me Jamie neuro gum where gives you it makes you smarter He's ready to fuck well, then you need a whole fucking box of that shit. Wow.

Jamie. And a microdose. Microdose day, too? How is it? You liking it? Yeah. I can't really feel it, so I don't know.

But it gives you a nice, like, ah. What are you dosing right now? Yeah. Yeah, but what dosage? I took three point, it says.14, so the whole package was about an eighth and it broke up into 30 pieces

This is all just information for the DEA 100% Yeah, when are they gonna analyze that Jesus Christ didn't they wait? We didn't they in the Pacific Northwest isn't it legal it is in Portland right in Oregon Oregon made Mushrooms and everything else legal in Oregon you can, you can get steroids, you can get heroin, whatever. Everything is decriminalized. But meanwhile, you can also light the Capitol building on fire. Well, if you got enough people. In Oregon, the mayor of Portland, who was this staunch supporter of Antifa, is now like, they are thugs. They're trying to ruin our city

he's even giving in they lit the lobby of his apartment building on fire and he had to move out oh is really listen here's my my message to the mayor portland i think he's a good guy i really do i really do i think he just didn't understand the animal that he was dealing with he didn't understand that they want to burn to the ground because they're fucking losers. Those people are fucking losers, and they don't want society to exist. They want everybody to be burned down to their level. They want to dress in black and throw rocks through Starbucks,

and it doesn't make any sense because it doesn't have to make any sense because they found another tribe of losers. They all get together, and they all do the same thing. They throw cement milkshakes at people. They beat up folks. They do their thing. Right.

And it's fun because it's more fun than not doing that because they don't have anything. Outside of that, did you remember there was a guy, it was either Seattle or Portland, who was this crazy Antifa guy who wound up shooting some other guy who was a member of this right wing thing. Do you remember that? Oh yeah, yeah, yes. Right. Yeah.

And then there's this lady, just fat lady, like, you know, no respect for her body in the middle of the street going, I don't give a damn if some fascist was killed tonight. Like, is that where we're at? Is that where we're at? What is it? You don't want to talk to this person. What does that even mean? I don't understand. It doesn't mean anything. It means nothing. It's because it's nonsense because you're being a fascist.

Right. By your own actions and all the things you do, justifying murder, your own actions. Right. This whole thing, lighting other people's property on fire, smashing windows, pretending that Apple, like the Apple store is the cause of your problems. Apple has literally supported all these organizations. They've literally said they support all these social justice organizations. Apple's like a super progressive institution.

They're very progressive. Yeah. They're not the fucking man. They're the enemy. They're providing you with great electronics. But then people see it as any form of capitalism, any sort of capital growth, then they're bad. Anyone who's doing better than you. It's bad.

It's like you're playing a game, and you can't win, so you unplug it, and you light the board on fire. I'm taking my ball home. Yeah. Taking your ball home. But you didn't even buy that ball. Finally, the mayor of Portland's coming around.

He's realizing. Oh, yeah. He's doing press conferences. He's like, we have to arrest these fucking people. The mayor of Portland's telling people to snitch. He's like, if you see people getting out of a car,

and they're all dressed in black, get the license plate. Get it to the police. Meanwhile, we, if you see people getting out of a car and they're all dressed in black, get the license plate. Get it to the police. Meanwhile, we defunded the police. Shit! Fuck, where do we go? Shit! Now that whole thing is pure kit. Look at this. Portland mayor asked residents to help unmask people

behind violent protests. Cut to 24 months from now. Assassination squads. They hire Blackwater to go and fucking gun down these people. It just takes time. Fly them in. It's like steps. It's many steps.

When you look at these foreign governments that hire these mercenary crews to come in and get rid of dissidents, what do you think they're doing? What do you think they're doing? They're trying to get rid of the people that are fucking with them. This is what's happening in Portland. Someone's fucking. And so he's using the legal method now. Right now he's saying, we're just going to get the police.

You defunded the fucking police. You defanged them. You demoralized them. And now you need them. Now you want them. And listen, man, every time there's a video of the cops being cunts and treating someone like shit, I'm furious. We all are. There's a video on DL Hughley's page today of some piece of shit cop talking to these

really cool black guys who are friendly with him and these guys shake their hand and he's like, I don't know you. I've never seen you around. The guy's being an asshole. He's like, he goes, this is my city. The guy literally says this. So he's just a cop who's just an asshole. You don't even want to, you don't even need to see this, but go see it if you want to right?

It's just a guy who's a dick and he's being a dick to some guys who are being pretty friendly with him right? Whereas another cop would be like what's up gentlemen? How are we doing today? What's going on and everybody would be all right? Yeah, I mean like problem is there's there's this there's the problem that i have that i see all the time is uh there are these cops that have always existed that will always exist that by the way for people that don't believe in this kind of shit that are like yeah this is uh they've been talking about this for years i mean fuck the police was a real anthem they were straight from the underground they were saying it because they meant it not because it was fucking for for selling records they meant that shit when they were saying these these guys won't stop fucking with us the reality is there's assholes in everything right and the

cops get empowered so a lot of guys that are assholes that are cops which is not all cops obviously these guys they they're they've been empowered for so long to treat people the way they've treated them so they get more and more and more because that's okay. Yeah. That's okay for them. It's like this is how they have to deal with people so they find it to be okay. The problem is I wish there was more videos of good-ass fucking good cops doing good shit. Yes.

Helping community. And there's a lot of them out there. Sure. You know, there's a great video from Flint last year during the George Floyd protest whereyd protest where this one cop says hey we're gonna walk with you guys yeah you know he says we're with you you know we don't we don't advocate police brutality and we're with you and they all hug each other it's fucking fantastic we need more of that walk together that you know what man cops dealing with crime is like let's say you have a forest filled with dry old trees that will light on fire easily and say, how are we going to take care of these forest

fires? Here's a garden hose. Good luck. Right. That's what it's like. No, no, no. The thing is the dry trees. The thing is the conditions.

The thing is climate change. The thing is what is causing the fires. That's the thing. The thing is not a is climate change, the thing is, like, what is causing the fires? That's the thing. The thing is not a fucking garden hose, right? So these cops are left in this unthankful position. If you're a cop and you are working in any place that's got a high crime area, it's like you kind of reach a point of futility after a while where you realize you're not going to fix this. You're not going to make a real impact in the community.

You just want to survive and get home to your family. Right. And I think they get jaded. Of course they do. I mean, I have cops in my family. It's just the problem is it's so easy to throw out the word racist. That's like an easy thing to say. And like you said, all the LAPD is all racist. You can look up the stats on it. I think it's like 70%, 60 something percent of the cops in LA are Latino. So it's like, there's this idea that like all cops are white racist bigots. You're like, that's not real.

But it just gets skewed down by this, the loud people going, every cop is a racist piece of shit. Here's why. Every racist cop is a racist. Yeah, of course. Of course. So if you run into them, you're like, goddammit, another one. They're all racist.

But, I i mean that's the thing is like yeah there's there's there's so much there's so many other people that work in law enforcement friends and family people that i know that are really good people they're just trying to help a fucking community and i don't know what the incentive for them to stay is if i'm a cop i don't know what the incentive is anymore i'm scared of getting shot at just because i am a cop of course i'm scared to fuck i. I'm scared to really do my job, quote unquote, whatever that's become now, because I don't know what's okay and what's not okay. Right? You could follow protocol, but any cop will tell you there's a way that they deal with relationships and communities that we don't know about because it's not in the handbook.

Right. Right? Right. So there's so many more, there's so many misnomers in how these relationships coexist, but to blanket it all and be like, every cop's a piece of shit, every cop is racist, what's that? A, C, A, B, all cops are bad. You're like, you can't say that about anything.

You can't say everything is everything. But when you're accustomed, if you grow up in a community that's riddled with crime and gangs and drugs and violence, and you're accustomed to cops being cunts, then you feel like you have to say that. I get that. Because all the interactions you've had with cops are cunts, then you feel like you have to say that. I get that. Because all the interactions you've had with cops have been bad. Yeah, it's like fool me once, shame on you. Right.

Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 50,000 fucking times. Like, Jesus Christ, these cops are assholes. Well, sure, I know, but also then it's also the community. Then we need to have a discussion over the systemic issues and the community issues. Right, but those don't get addressed. That's the root of the problem. Right.

The root of the problem is, unlike you or me, some people grow up in the worst fucking neighborhoods on earth. Right. And there's no effort whatsoever on a federal level to eradicate that, to fix that, to make these places safer, to make these places more comfortable for these people. What we have to do is figure out, well, why are these neighborhoods, whether it's the south side of Chicago or whether it's Baltimore or Detroit or whatever, you take the most fucked up neighborhoods in our country

and go, why are they still like this and how come we haven't fixed that? I said it before, I'll say it again. You want to make America great again, air quotes, fix the neighborhoods that are fucked. Make it so so we have less losers like what makes a loser Well one of the things that makes a loser is you you get it like if one person gets four aces And the other person gets two cards, and they're both ones or it's a one and a two You ain't doing shit with that right you can't win. It's not fair It's not fair, and that's the reality of

birth in this country now some people that have that got given a shitty deck of cards also have like maybe some talent in music or some talent in comedy or some talent in athletics and they figure their way through but for every person that figures their way through what you know what it's like man remember open mic night yeah remember when you first started yeah how many fucking people made it out of there I mean two two three yeah what hundreds and hundreds of people yeah well multiply that times like what the fuck ever thousands that's what's like growing up in a terrible neighborhood for every one person that gets out and becomes some sort of an nfl superstar or

some rapper or a comic how many of them fall into a life of crime and wind up being incarcerated how many of them wind up falling into this trap that they can't get out of right well because because it's so difficult to get out and even when you do get chances to get out yeah it's still going to eat you alive because i, you know more than anybody knows, money is power and money is scary and money can change you and money is vulnerable. Money makes you more vulnerable. So when you have no money and you get a little bit of money,

that can also fuck you up just as bad. It's a scary thing because you've never had money before. That's why the NFL, the NBA, and all these places, they're trying to have these programs at a younger age to teach these kids not to go fucking throw away the money because there's no guarantee over that shit at some point. Well, the NBA has less of a problem than the NFL, in my opinion, because the NFL also has head injuries.

Well, yeah, right. Their head injuries make you really impulsive. They make you wild. Yeah. Well, those are trained killers. Those guys are fucking killers. They are killers,. They make you wild. Yeah. Well, those are trained killers. Those guys are fucking killers. They are killers, just like fighters are killers. Yeah.

But they're also, like fighters, they get head injuries. Yeah. Their head injuries make you wild. They make you impulsive. No one knows why, but there's one of the side effects. They're trying. The NFL's trying to do its best. I mean, I have so many fucking issues with the NFL, but optics alone.

I have friends that are in the NFL, and my beef is their optics were so important to them, but I, but it was not based on any belief system. What do you mean by optics? You know, like wearing, they made the coaches wear masks on the side of the field, but not in the locker room. And you're like, what are you guys doing? What, who is that for? I just didn't buy. So, so to me, they care so much about the viewpoint of things, but everybody has to do that. They do that because it's a giant organization. I know, but it's bullshit. That was the same problem with them taking a fucking...

A little touch-up? That was the same problem with kneeling during the anthem that they had a big fucking deal with. It was just such a crock of shit. They don't really fucking care. My take on that was... Cheers. Cheers, my brother. My take on that when I was talking to Ben Shapiro

I'm super supportive of taking a fucking knee. Yeah this is what I said. I said isn't that more respectful than standing there? It's the most American thing. Taking a knee is like it's more respectful. One of the rights of the fucking flag, you can look it up is the right to protest the flag.

So they fight for the right to protest our flag. That's our greatest thing about this country is you can disagree with your fucking government. You can say, I don't believe in certain things. I need to have my voice heard, right? So they take a fucking knee to have their voice heard to go, I'm against something. But here's my take is it's not disrespectful.

No. Because you are literally doing something more respectful to put attention on police brutality. Sure. So instead of like going, doing this, like double Nate Diaz in the middle of like the flag,

instead of that, they take a knee. I think it's more respectful. It's a silent protest. It's not just a silent protest. It's more respectful and it actually does achieve its goal. Like think about,

you know, whatever you say about Colin Kaepernick as an athlete or what he did, what that guy did for sure was highlight this ability to protest and make people even more aware that these athletes were talking about it. Yeah. That these pro NFL athletes, top of the-chain athletes were talking about police brutality. And he decided to do something about it. Yeah, it was important. By the way, this will always go down in history with athletes that do take public stands against things, right? Sure.

Muhammad Ali was— Fucking at the Olympics when those dudes held their fist up. Right, because they believed—and by the way, now that's looked at in such a glorified fashion. Exactly. You know, it was controversial at the time. Ali was the same way. How much shit did he get, you know, trying to be a part of the civil rights movement and people just fucking hated him for changing his name and he got all this shit for that.

Now you look at him as a hero to a community that he gave people a fucking voice. Exactly. We just need to, you know. My parents were hippies, you know, and when I was a kid, they didn't watch sports, but they wanted to watch Muhammad Ali when he defended his title. No, excuse me. When he tried to regain his title against Leon Spinks. When Leon Spinks had beaten Muhammad Ali

and then Muhammad Ali had a rematch with Leon Spinks, my parents wanted to watch. I was like, I don't remember how old I was. I was like, it had to be between seven and 11 because we were living in San Francisco. And they wanted to watch. And I remember thinking like, this is crazy. My parents want to watch boxing.

Right. But it was because Muhammad Ali, he had eclipse boxing. He had gone past that and became this cultural voice. Right. He became this icon of, he became a guy who stood up and said, I don't think this war is just, and I'm not going to participate, and I'm going to make a real sacrifice where I'm going to lose my career for three fucking years. Yeah. So he didn't fight at all for three years. And when he came back, if you watch his fights when he came back, he fought against, I think, Cleveland Big Cat Williams was his fight, the last fight that he had in 67.

And then in 1970 when he came back, I think it was Jerry Quarry. Was that his return bout? I think it was Jerry Quarry. But he didn't look good good he looked like his body looks soft he hadn't trained at all he didn't train at all for three fucking years so he went from being literally one of the slickest fastest boxers the heavyweight division had ever seen to no training at all for three years then his style changed because he just he just didn't have the ability anymore because for three fucking years he did nothing and then he came back and he started fighting and just he was never the same guy

When you go back to his fights against Cleveland big cat Williams, bro. He was so fast He knocked Cleveland Williams out. He was like moving backwards when he KO'd him I mean he was just so it's so unusual like no one had seen anything and he was shredded Yeah, and then when he came back, it was like three years of his life were gone man. He was just so it's so unusual like no one had seen anything and he was shredded Yeah, and then when he came back it was like three years of his life were gone, man He was just so busy trying to avoid being locked in a cage and trying to express himself and trying to get out the message That no Vietcong ever did anything to me He's like why am I why am I supposed to go over there and kill these people you want to you want to use me as? Some sort of a publicity tool to go there and fight a war a war that doesn't make any sense i'm not doing that shit

yeah and my parents were all in that's that's how much of an icon he was right my parents don't give a fuck about fighting my parents never saw me fight once i probably had like a hundred fights when i was a kid never once never once because they hated the sport they were like what are you doing i remember i showed him a video of me kicking someone in the face and they were like, what are you doing? Yeah, but you do kick fucking hard. Yeah, but that's not even it. They didn't even go to watch.

They didn't tell me I couldn't do it, which is great. I was happy. I didn't even want them to come see me because it was so different from them, what they are. I was worried they were going to say, you can't do'm like I gotta leave home when you transitioned into stand-up did that become a more palatable thing for them no they thought it was gonna be terrible my mother didn't think I was funny at all really did your mom ever say that you were funny has she ever said you're funny she knows I'm funny now no no no yeah she knows people think you're

something to my she think you're funny yes she's coming to my show that's a big moment funny but you know the moment that like changed my life emotionally She knows. People think you're funny. She's coming to my shows. Does she think you're funny? Yes, she's coming to my shows. Because that's a big moment. That was really funny. The moment that changed my life emotionally was my mom said to me one day, she goes, like my first album that I ever made. And she was like, she repeated a joke back to me out of the blue. And I was like, what is that? She's like, that's from your album, your first album. I listen to it in the car sometimes.

And I'm like, oh, fuck. It changed my life because I was like, you know look i never cared if my parents liked my stand-up that was never why i i was never like what if they don't like it what if what if my family thinks something i didn't care but just to hear my mom go i like listening to it sometimes i think it's really funny oh it's a fuck it's like a moment in your life where you're like well fuck imagine too like you made person, and that person is making you laugh while you're driving down the road. That's fucking weird. That's weird.

Yeah, that's wild. Well, any parent of someone who has any sort of impressive public skill set, that has to feel surreal. I mean, my parents kind of sometimes don't get it that I'm doing this, too. It doesn't really—they know it. They understand it. But even still, it doesn't really they know it they understand it but even still you know it doesn't really register do you know what i mean like it doesn't like they get it but they're also like if someone comes up to me and they're like santino big fan my dad's always like well

fucking look at that shit like he's it's almost like he's like what are the odds he goes how does that guy fuck how does that guy know you and i'm like oh he saw me on something he goes oh okay like crazy it doesn't land yet because it doesn't really because in my dad's mind it's like clint eastwood gets people to say hi to him not you yeah you're a clown goofball yeah you're not a real like a star thing i'm like no but some people know who i am you know what i mean like i think it's just cool to watch them see it sometimes because my my dad is always like, this guy fucking, he knows you. He's looking at you. He knows you. And I'm like, yeah, no, I know, Dad. I know.

He likes it. He thinks it's really fucking, it's cool to watch them watch it. Fame's like a wave. You know, you've got to learn how to ride it. Well, mine's more like a ripple. But it's fine. I'll take that. It's a little board.

But you know what I'm saying? You learn how to, if you just get on a surfboard Yeah, I'm not gonna learn how to ride that wave now You gotta relax and sort of let it happen and know what it is That's why it takes people under a lot the undertow of fame is fucking heavy you watch people We have friends that you see get big and you're like yeah Be careful Mac is the wave will crash at some point and you're gonna get swallowed up. Here's what I believe I believe you have to have some sort of exterior struggle, some sort of outside struggle outside of the fame

that you focus your energy on so that the fame seems like not that big a deal. Right. What's your outside struggle? It's always been martial arts. Right. It's always been that. It's always been training.

It's always been training or really hard working out. It's always been things that I know are way harder than dealing with the struggle of fame. Struggle of fame is weird, but I also don't take as weird as it sounds. I don't take myself that seriously. I really don't. How can you at some point? I understand who I am, and I understand I have this very bizarre impact with this stupid fucking show But I I don't I don't take it seriously like where I'm like I have a message

I have an obligation but occasionally I do know so like there's this book that I've been trying to get out to people because I Talked about it on the podcast with the action Bronson I put it up on my Instagram and I legitimately do go to it every six months or so, and I think I'm going to go to it all the time now. It's called The Four Agreements. I saw you post that. This is the fifth agreement, which is really good, too, but I kind of already thought that way.

I've always been kind of skeptical, but I verify things, you know, just based on just doing this podcast and talking to crazy people. But the four agreements are very, they're really valid. Like they really do hold up. And if I think that way, if I lock in and I really apply those to my everyday life, it has a giant impact on my happiness. And one of them is be impeccable with your word. Be impeccable with your word. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. If you fucked up, tell the truth.

If you believe something that other people maybe don't see and it's going to be controversial to say, tell the truth about your pros and cons and goods and bad. Tell the truth. Right. That's one of them. Another one is don't take things personally. I try not to take things personally. I really do.

It's easy to. That's one, like when people dunk on you online and people shit on you, like sometimes there's people that have been on my podcast and I'll see them shitting on me online or someone will tell me about it and I'll go, if I see him, I'll give him a hug. You know, I don't have time. I don't have time. You know, it's just like. So tell the truth.

Don't take it personal. Don't take it personally. You don't have time, you know? So tell the truth. Don't take it personally. Don't take it personally. The third one, well, there's this, yeah. Always do your best, but I think that's the fourth one.

What's the third one? I'm trying to remember. I always fuck one of them up. He was putting a new hair tie in. He wasn't paying attention. He's putting one of those ones with the cloth, and it has a little metal piece. You know what I mean? The ones that girls have and you twist it around.

You know, Jamie, when I come in here, you know how much I love you. And that's why I like talking to you too. Because honestly, you smacking that fucking gum is hilarious. What is it? I'm out of my shoes is what I'm out of. What is the other one?

I saw you. I know, I saw your kicks. I saw his fucking 11. What's the other one? What? The other, the fourth. Oh, you put them up there. Don't make assumptions. Don't make assumptions saw his fucking 11. What's the other one? What? The other, the fourth, yeah. Oh, you put them up there. Don't make assumptions.

Don't make assumptions. That's it, that's it. Don't make assumptions. That's a good one, too. Those are four powerful, very, that's the thing about all this stuff, whenever I read it, I'm always like, oh, this makes perfect fucking sense.

It's so good, dude. It is literally the best tools for managing your mindset that I've ever encountered in my life. And the guy, if you get the audio book, Peter Coyote reads it who's a amazing actor and is a beautiful voice Yeah, when he's reading it. It's like it's so perfect and sincere. It's so good It's always simple shit like that like I'm reading I know to you This is fucking dog shit, but Jamie might like it. There's a book called golf is not a game of perfect Yeah, I get it. It applies to pool.

By the way, it applies to everything. When I got it, this caddy gave it to me at this golf course. He was like, I have a book for you because I was struggling. I was like going, I couldn't, I was playing terrible golf and I was like getting annoyed. And he's like, what's going on in your life right now? I was like, I'm balancing a bunch of bullshit. He goes, do me a favor, read this book,

but read it and just read it, rip through it. It's like a hundred pages. And he's like, you'll tear through it. So but read it and just read it rip through it it's like 100 pages it's and he's like you'll tear through it so i read it and i gotta tell you i was like fuck it's just simple principles that are not about golf really it's about life like zen and the art of archery 100 it's it's almost the exact same it's the philosophy of this guy who wrote the book he's basically saying golf's not a game of perfect. It's just saying nothing is perfect in life. Trying to make things perfect is the foolish mistake. It's trying to manage things as they are and as they come. So in golf, it's when you hit a bad shot, you have to learn how to just get rid of that forever.

It can't be the thing you think about in the next time. Same thing in jujitsu. Same thing in pool. You cannot harbor, fuck, why did I fuck up the first takedown? Why did I fuck up the first throw? Right. It's got to be gone. Yes.

So good minds, best golfers are able to just woof and disappear that stuff. Yes. So it's teaching you these philosophies in life that you can use as far as like when something negative happens to you, when somebody says some fucked up shit to you, when don't take it personally. How do you learn to just woof, throw that away and move forward? It's a super positive book. I really recommend it if you're any kind of athlete, but if you're trying to play golf, he talks in there often about other athletics, talks about football and basketball,

and he's coached a lot of people over the years. And the one thing he says is the best athletes he's ever met in his life are so good at moving forward and even getting more confident after doing something poorly. Yeah, because they know they can do better. Right, which is such an impressive skill. Your average human, me, every time you do something bad, it's a struggle to get over the fuck up. But he's like, the best athletes, it's remarkable how their brain works. They're trying to re-figure out how to do the next best thing better.

They're not even remembering they fucked up. It's like gone already. Because they're task even remembering they fucked up. It's like gone already. Because they're task oriented. They're concentrating on what they're trying to do rather than concentrated on their image. They're concentrating on what people think of them or concentrating on how they appear. Instead of that, just concentrate on what you're trying to do. And when you make a mistake, one of the good things about mistakes especially embarrassing and humiliating mistakes is they empower you to do better because they you that feeling of sucking so why bombing is so important it's so crucial and it's so hard

but it's so good for you it's so good for you because when you do bomb you learn like oh my god what did i do wrong i don't ever want to feel that fucking terrible pain again. The first time I followed Diaz, the first time I followed Diaz in the OR, I was, you know, it was like the best spot I had gotten in years, you know? Because I got regular status in 0-10 or 0-9 or 2010. You want a cigar? No, I don't smoke cigars. You know that, man.

Really? I do. It just looks like a penis to me. It doesn't look like a penis. To me, to me me because of my past because of my past when I followed Diaz bro I bombed

so bad in the OR and Joey was pumping me up afterwards and was so fucking nice to me cause he knew like he knew that I was bummed about it and he was like oh fuck these cocksuckers this room was whack tonight and I was like fuck you he lit the room on fire you know what I mean and he was like oh fuck these cocksuckers this room was whack tonight and I was like fuck you he lit the room on fire you know what I mean but he

was so nice about it that it just kind of like it helped it helped get over the pain of how hard I fucking ate shit in the OR I mean it was just so tough to follow him at the time and then you learn then I learned then I followed Diaz a few times and it was no big deal you're gonna eat shit if you keep trying new jokes

oh yeah that's what you said at the end matters if you keep trying new jokes. Oh yeah. That's what you said at the end matters. If you're trying new shit. Yeah. I was talking to a buddy of mine who takes this guy on the road with him or was taking this guy on the road with him for a while and I said hey how's that guy doing? He goes I had to stop using him. Kept doing the same fucking

jokes. Yeah. But some guys when you take them on the road with you one of the things that happens is they stop doing other sets. So like say take them on the road with you one of the things that happens is they stop doing other sets so like say they go on the road with you and they're doing you know fucking zanies in nashville they're doing the improv in chicago they're doing these nice clubs and then they come back and they don't want to put in for a tuesday night they don't want to fucking lazy yeah they're lazy they're lazy and those are the guys they develop a little bit of an act i've had a few of those guys that i had to cut loose and they kept trying to go back on the road with me i'm like hey motherfucker i

saw you on the or like a month ago and you were doing some shit you did on the road with me seven years ago yeah so no yeah so no yeah you know and that's are you talking to me joe no no i love you no i'm kidding no not you at all the guy that i have with me this guy that i brought chris o'connor who opens for me who you, he's a great comic. It's like, it's hard for me to say that when I'm like, oh, he features, he's a headlining comic of his own right. But he always has new stuff. And I think what I appreciated about when I would come out with you was you never were

somebody, first of all, you were never a clock watcher, which I'm always so nervous about. I'm like, I got to get off. And one time I got off and you were like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, it was like 30 on the nose you're like fucking what are you doing you didn't expect me to come off you were like why didn't you just fucking keep going and close and close as strong as you could and I was like I just want to get

the fuck off stage you were always being promotional of us me Tony Ian I remember that you looked at the clock you're like oh I gotta get out of here I'm like what are you fucking close yeah I know well cause I was like get the fuck off they're here for joe but you were promotional always of us of being like go out there and fucking smash and and when he's killing in front of me makes me feel fucking more empowered to go kill it was like oh dude he's killing it feels good when someone you

are working with is smashing because they're doing stuff you haven't seen before and it's new and it's powerful and you're like holy fuck it it makes you feel like you're in this realm of great comedy and you're bound to do well. You're bound to do a better show then. Instead of there's guys that we both know that take out fucking people that struggle and you're like, why are you taking out someone

that's not writing new jokes enough? Because they want to be a hero. That's not worth it. It's not the right way to do it. It's a coward's way out. It's not. You know, I've taken it. It's not the right way to do it. It's a coward's way out. It's not. You know, I've taken guys in the road with me that didn't do good, but I was hoping they did good.

It's like I was giving them chances. I wasn't taking them on the road because I thought they sucked. I was taking them on the road because I saw them have great sets, but sometimes those bright lights and thousands of people are like, oh. It'll fuck you up. Do you remember the first time you did an arena? With you, yeah. Do you remember that feeling? 100%. I can't forget it't forget it man you walk out there you're like jesus fuck there's

so many people here there's so many people here it's so great but then you get into a rhythm and then they start laughing you're like the loud the laughter is so loud yeah when we did san diego san diego yeah san diego in the round on 420. I remember stepping on the stage and feeling about a half a second of, oh, fuck, I'm overwhelmed. Like a half a second of, oh, shit, this is too much. And then once you go, you're like, all right, I'm good. It's just like you shed all this shit off of your body. It's like taking off a bunch of armor and you're like, I'm good.

I get out there because you're kind of, you're tense and you're like, all right, I have to fucking take on all these motherfuckers. And then as soon as you take off the armor, you're like, come on, man, I'm here to fucking entertain. You just got to be who you are. Who you are in front of 90 people is who you are in front of 19,000. It's the same thing. Well, for me, it's curious because when we were going out together, we were doing a bunch of theater, big-ass theaters, and then we were doing arenas too.

But then we started doing clubs. We came back here to Austin and did Cap City together and did a bunch of shows, big ass theaters, and then we were doing arenas too. But then we started doing clubs. We came back here to Austin and did Cap City together and did a bunch of shows. Me, you, and Tony, and then Perez was with us too. Yeah, George Perez was with us. Shout out to my boy George. I fucking love him, bro. I love George. I miss George.

I miss a lot of people. By the way, me and him were dying laughing at dinner when Alex Jones showed up. Him and I, because he was high as a fucking kite. Such a wild. I love George press, but when we were here when we were here in Austin That's you were having the same feelings that we were talking about when you when it was an arena or a theater It was like those are just as good those those rooms sometimes are just as powerful Well, that's one of the I mean so sad the cap city went under but that's one of the things back though No, it's not the same place. All, so sad that Cap City went under, but that's one of the things. They're coming back though, no?

It's not the same place. Oh, right. They're opening up under the Helium banner. Grossman's. Yeah, Mark, yeah. He's opening up a place called Cap City and he's doing it in the domain. And look, if Helium's going to do it, it's going to be great. Yeah.

Because he's got fucking great clubs in Portland and he's got great clubs in Philly, everywhere. Yeah. It'll be amazing. Yeah. I don't know why they didn't just call it Helium. Like, you don't need to call it Cap City, but I guess they just wanted to. I talked to him on the phone a couple of weeks ago. He said he wanted to retain the name for what it's done for this community and this city,

what it means to Austin. That's nice. Which I understand exactly why. I think it's almost paying homage. I think it's tipping the hat to, like, you know. Yeah, that's nice. It would kind of be like if somebody fucking clipped over the store. You know what I mean? It'd be weird. You gotta let it fucking clipped over the store, you, you know what I mean?

It'd be weird. It's the store. Yeah. Until it's not the store anymore. How long is it the store though? Well, you know, opening up a club out here,

I thought for a while about doing a store out here, the comedy store. I was like, that's not the story. Ari talked me out of it. He's one of the reasons why you listen to Ari. Joe odd occasions more than I should know a lot a lot actually I listen to him a lot but um he was like it's it's only the store if it's Mitzi and I was like fuck

you're right yeah there's a lot of you said that I almost started crying yeah I was like fuck you know like uh I love the people that run the store and I'll support the store and I'll and I'll say this to all the people that are working there I will continued I'll put it on my Instagram I'll talk about it on my on my podcast I'd love the store forever but I want to do my own thing out here yeah and I want to do my own thing in a way where I don't I don't want to do it like a business I want to do it like I just want to do it the way it should be done. You know, like the club that I'm going to open up out here,

the whole idea is just to support comedy. That's the whole idea. It's like I feel like baseball has been very, very good to me. Yes, it has, Sammy. Yes, it has. You know what I mean? It's like comedy has been so good to me. It's like I feel like what I want to do out here is I want to just do something where it just supports comedy.

And I want to make it a safe place for wild people where you could just get wild. You could just have some fun. And I want you to figure it out. I want you to figure out this weird puzzle that is your own personality dynamics and your past and your life and your neediness and your weirdness and your need to be accepted and you need to be a part of a community. And then just build this community that fully embraces everybody that tries to do that. Fully embraces everybody who, like, here's our thing. Our thing is comedy. And if you're really committed to that thing, we're committed to you.

Yeah. We're committed to you. We're committed to each other, we're committed to you. Yeah. We're committed to you. We're committed to each other. We're committed to community. I want to have great food for people that work there. I want everybody to eat free. I want you to be able to come whenever you want. I want to pay people well.

My goal financially is to break even. That's my whole goal. Right. So you just not lose on it. That's all I want to do. And how big is it, by the way? I'll tell it to you. Yeah.

It's all confidentiality shit. Some of it's been leaked, but a lot of it's wrong. Right. A lot of fake shit out there. Well, I want to talk to you about it, because I'm interested about it. I can't tell too much about it, but I'll tell you everything. What is it? Do you have a name for it?

I'll tell you that later. Okay, great. I'm excited to hear about all of it. I mean, look, you sent me photos privately. I didn't show them off to anybody. Shut the fuck up. No one saw. Everybody saw that you know. Nobody saw. Your opening act? Nobody saw. He hasn't seen them. You can go ask

him in the hallway. If I showed him pictures, he'll say no. That's how much. See? I believe you. Because you said to me, you said, don't show this to anybody. And I said, if you're sending me nudes, I have to send this around, Joe. It's going to earn me some fucking money. No, but of course I didn't. No, it's a new hope for what's going on down here for you guys. I mean, look, you were calling me being like, you got to move down here.

I can't, dude, because Dylan's down here. I can't be near Tim. Why? I just can't be near him. He's trying to fuck you? Yeah, too many times. It's like, I get it, Tim. I'm down, but like-

You are pretty hot, though. Yeah, I'm sexy now. If I was a gay guy and I was quite portly I'd be looking for quite portly I would be looking for

you know how good of an album that would be slim sexy redhead slim ginger boy his next album should be called quite portly

quite portly yeah no I love to I just Tim's a monster this place I don't belong I can say that

I can feel it when I walk around. They look at me like, get out of here, you fucking asshole. This place, shut up, Jamie. Don't fucking laugh at me. Jamie, you too. You walking around. By the way, I want to ask Joe.

Joe, what number shoes Jordans are though? Just give me the number of when they came. The number. I think I fucking. I know, but give me a guess. I don't know. He's up to, what is he up to now? 31?

You could go one out of 30, sure. One out of 30, 30. 22. Yeah, half of that. Those are the 11s. Those are iconic, patented leather. When we were kids. From 2011, is that what it is?

No, no, no, that's the number 11 shoe. 11th shoe. Oh, okay. But for us, when we were kids, those were, well, the original colors were the Bulls colors, and they were by far embedded in culture as the coolest shoe he had ever made. He put patent leather on basketball shoes. It was insane.

Are those patent leather? Yeah. See how it's shiny? It's hard to tell under the table like that. But in these ice blue bottoms. They're kind of tight. Oh, they're fucking so tight. I like those.

I'd wear those. Oh, you're going to get Joe into some fucking J's. I tried. Those are fucking dope. Jamie got me wearing some uh slick running shoes what do you what do you get he's got well these are yeah you gotta air maxes these are i saw the max i love the i love that you're rocking those they're very comfortable i got those in golf shoes the 97 they're very comfortable well we got to get him into his uh

like you won't wear high tops though no no see that's the problem some of the best you try to kick somebody You're still kicking people do you don't want to go in the streets? Here's the thing imagine if all these years go by and It comes a time where I have to fuck somebody up Yeah, and I have high tops on and I'm like god damn it Cheeto you're going down. What have you done? You're thinking to be the whole time you can't kick? I'd be thinking of him. I'd be like, I can't even move right. My ankles are all inhibited.

What did Chuck know? Did he have cowboy boots on when he was doing that? Yeah, but cowboy boots are easy. Cowboy boots fly right off your feet, man. You know, the cowboy boots are designed to fly off. Do you understand that? Yeah, yeah. Do you know that?

So you don't get stuck. Yeah, you don't get stuck in the, what's those things called? Reins? No. Steer? Stirrups? No, stirrups. Stirrups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. stuck in the, what's those things called? Reins? No. Steer? Stirrups? Stirrups. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, the way cowboy boots work, they slip on and slip off. So, if like a fucking horse is taken off and you get like flung off, your boot just goes flying off. That's like when you see someone get in a motorcycle accident, their shoes always come fucking off. That's the first thing that they see is shoes. There was a dude on TikTok had his rear view camera and he was like talking to it and he's like, look at all this assholes

following me so close. His bike was like kind of getting up on him. This is heavy traffic. There's nowhere to go. Dude, he smokes. His shoes go, all you see is his shoes

go over the front of the car. Bro, that's so rude. Why do people do that? Honestly, it's so mean to laugh. You can tell the dude got fucked up, but man, was it funny to watch.

You don't just get fucked up. You might get fucked up for the rest of your life. There's no car around you. I know, dude. It was awful. You have nothing protecting you. It was awful. I was talking to my buddy the other night about that. He's riding around. I was talking to Norman about it, too, about bikes. He rides around New York without a helmet.

I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? He is out of his fucking mind. I was like, wear a helmet, you fucking idiot. He likes being thrilled by this idea. I like the danger. Living on the danger. I'm gay. Hey. Hey, you can't die if you're gay.

You have a really good Norman. That's my note. It's not bad. I did it to him. I did it on my podcast. I did it to him and he loves it. I'm gay. There's a podcast that just got released.

It's Giannis Pappas, Mark Norman, and Whitney Cummings, and I think they fucked. Oh yeah, they all got fucked up. I think they all had an orgy or something. Not really. She got drunk on, she's got this kombucha. Ketamine. Well yeah, she is on ketamine. A hundred percent. She's like,

we got drunk on kombucha. They did a five and a half hour podcast. Yeah, they got fucking lit. You remember the days in podcasts like everybody's telling you it has to be an hour? That shit's changed. Well, what's your longest podcast? I don't know. Jamie, what is it? What do we think?

I've done a few fives. Yeah, in my head there's one that's 540 something. Is that Kevin Smith? There's one with Bert that was like two parts in law. You sat with that guy for five hours? We were hammered. Yeah, that's why. Couldn't get up.

Couldn't fucking leave. I love Burt. I could talk to him for days. He's shooting his movie right now. Yeah, isn't that amazing? The machine. Do you know how many douchebags came out of the woodwork and contacted Burt hoping for a spot in that movie? Sure.

I mean, come on, man. That's like anything. That's what we're escaping out here, Chito. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's none of that shit out here. They're going to follow you because of you. You're a fucking magnet. You're a magnet.

People are going to come out here. The movie people, the TV people, they're not coming. Oh, yeah? Watch what you say. What are they going to do? Who the fuck? They'll set up camp out here. They'll start shooting.

You think Texas won't give them tax breaks? There's no movies. Look up the economic influence that you fucking camp out here. They'll start shooting. There's no movies. You think Texas won't give them tax breaks? There's no movies. Look up the economic influence that you fucking changed out here. You will draw more than you know. Don't look that up. I don't want to know. He doesn't want to know. I did the big news of added seats of Congress.

One away from California. Because of this. Two added to Texas. Because of you, big dog. See? It's not directly that, but yeah, maybe. It's not because... Butterfly Fleck.

This is all because of things because of things. I have a minor impact on dirtbags. A lot of dirtbags moved here. A lot of fucking people moved, and a lot of people have the idea to want to move here, and you're a part of the conversation. If you don't want all the credit, that's fine. I definitely don't get all the credit. It's not, no, honestly.

Okay, look, you moved here. Elon and his company moved here. Other companies are progressively trying to get to Texas. But there's a lot of reasons. It's because California is so bad right now. I know. I know. I'm loving it.

I'm sitting in the wildfire, baby. It's not the wildfire. It's the homeless invasion. Yeah. It's great. We love it. Good. I have them over for dinner now.

Good. I go, fellas, jump in. I let them all in the fucking van. There's a guy who's a security expert who sent me an email yesterday showing me how things have been decriminalized and some of the things have been literally invasions into your home by people who are intoxicated.

So if someone invades your home and they're under the influence of drugs, so all you have to do is do coke and kick someone's door down. You're good. Literally, they won't arrest you. It's so nuts. It's kind of fun. He was sending me this thing describing me like all these things,

not describing just me, but basically he's a security expert, and it was a detailed analysis of all the problems that have incurred over the pandemic. He said it's like nothing we've ever seen in our lifetimes. Yeah, L Yeah. LA is a fucking nightmare right now. I'm not even going to lie to you. I was doing a show in Hollywood and I was like, this is the worst I've ever seen it since I moved. I mean, when I moved in 06 to LA, I remember the store was dark as fucking night. It was dark. It was gross and weird and negative and fucked up. And sunset still was like a little fucked up and nasty. And they hadn't really, things hadn't started to level out. What year was this?

06 when I moved there. What time did you go to the store though? The store was good until 07. I don't know about good, but I mean, it was like, I mean, for an open mic or it was still a fucking awful place. 07 is when I left. Yeah. And that's when I started, I put on my website.

I moved in the winter of 06. So by 07, I was going around the store for Mike's a lot. I was poking around doing coffee shops and the Room 5 and the Acme Theater and all that stuff. I think February of 07 is when I got barred. That's when you got clapped out. Yeah. Man, did they pick the right horse, huh? Well, it worked out in the long run.

For who? For them. Yeah. When I came back. Yeah, when you came back. Shout out to Adam Eget. I don't know him anymore, by the way. He's my friend. No, no, no. I don't know who that is. What happened? No them. Yeah. When I came back. Yeah, when you came back. Shout out to Adam Eget. I don't know him anymore, by the way. He's my friend. No, I don't know him. I don't know

who that is. What happened? No, I love him to death. I just saw him with Spade, and I was just so happy to fucking see him. Is that why you don't love him? With Spade? You don't love Spade? No, I love Spade. Okay. Spade is, uh, no, Spade's a good, he's a sweet boy. He sends me voice texts a lot. He doesn't like to text text. Huh? He sends me only voice texts.

Don't make me listen to you talk. Oh, he wants me to hear his voice. He likes that. Send me something I can skim over real quick on my red light. Thumb through. Well, I'm driving. I'm always reading when I'm driving. I don't read when I'm driving. I do, man. Fuck it. I don't. I get mad at people. You gotta have a little risk. I don't fuck around. I have Apple CarPlay and I never read text while I'm driving. Please, you got a

fucking car that drives itself. What do you care? The Tesla? Yeah, put it on auto and ride. I don't ever let it drive itself. Also, I want to make fun of you a little bit because of this you're driving that a lot i've heard you're a big tesla now i love it i know but you're making fun of it because you're a car guy what you can't you can't just go all full in on the teslas now i can do whatever i want no you can't you got this fucking hennessey you guys we still have to preserve nobody knows about the hennessey shut the fuck up no one knows no one knows i'll tell you everybody i bought a trx he calls it a mammoth which is ridiculous tight but he told i talked to john hennessey fuck up. No one knows. I bought a, I'll tell you everybody, I bought a TRX. He calls

it a mammoth, which is ridiculous. But I talked to John Hennessey and he told me that the problem is that Hennessey, like when they tried to come up with names, a lot of them were already taken. For the Raptor, he calls it the Velociraptor.

He jacks up the horsepower. I like that. The TRX already comes with 700 horsepower, and he made one that has 900 horsepower. It is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever driven in my life. That's my truck. That's awesome. It's so dumb, dude. It's so dumb in the best way. It should be dumb.

A truck is dumb. You should need a dumb. If you're going to have a truck, make it dumb. Dude, it's as fast as a Porsche 911. And it's a truck. It's shocking. Like when you hit the accelerator, it's shocking. It's kind of like the Jeep Trackhawk.

You know about the Trackhawk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a sexy fucking car. Right, it's the same engine, right? It's the Hellcat engine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That to me is... I drove a Hellcat before they were ever even released.

Shout out to my friend Matt Farah. I had one on my Comedy Central special from 2014 when I filmed it at the Denver Comedy Works. He arranged it. Matt Farah hooked me up with Dodge, and Dodge gave me a Challenger, a Challenger Hellcat. Wow. It was like, so the intro to my comedy special was me,

high as fuck, wearing a NASA outfit, asleep in a field, and I wake up and I jump in a Hellcat and I drive to the Comedy Works. Oh, that's great. Yeah. And it's, that was like before they were even released, I was driving that thing around Denver. That car is a bad fucking car. I just don't, I'm not in love with the design, the style of it for me.

Challenger? Yeah, I'm not in love. What are you, a communist? Too chunky, too chunky. It's fucking imperfect. Nah, the old Chargers, to me, I think, the old Chargers that had the body was more sexy. Well, a Charger's a different car, you fuck. Charger and Challenger are almost the same new body.

No, they're not. The new body looks almost the same. No, they're not. Bring them up. Shut the fuck up. Look at how close they look. Listen to me, dumb dumb. Look at how close they look.

A Charger's a four-door, you fucking idiot. They have the same chunky ass and big fucking hood. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, they do. Look at them. they look. A Charger's a four-door, you fucking idiot. They have the same chunky ass and big fucking hood. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, they do. Look at them. They're hugely different. And the old Charger's the goddamn Dukes of Hazzard card. Yeah, that's why.

The old ones are beautiful. Show a picture of the 2021. Just the number of doors is the only thing that's the difference. Go to images. Go to images. The most obvious difference is the door. Fuck. What are you talking about?

They're very different. Just big, fat, chunky fucks. That's all they are. Shut your mouth. Look at those chunky fucking pieces of shit. The other one looks like a cop car. The one on the right is the Challenger. Fuck them.

The one on the right here is the Charger. That's what you get if you have kids and you still want to pretend you have a fucking family car. Chunky, fucked up, chunky cars. Shut up. And look at that door panel. Look at that bullshit indentation. Oh, you're such a criminal. And look at the butt on the back of the fucking challenger.

You should go to jail for this. Fuck this. You should go to jail for this. Fuck Dodge Chargers and challengers. I love the old ones. Everyone's going to be like, you motherfucker. They tried to do an homage to the old cars, and I think they nailed it. I like the fat ones with the wide body.

Look at that one on the right. Look at that one on the upper right. Like right there. Get that bigger. Come on. You don't like that? It just doesn't do it for at that one on the right. Look at that one on the upper right. Like right there. Get that bigger. Come on. You don't like that? It just doesn't do it for me, man. You don't like that?

No, it doesn't do it for me at all. You like being shit on. I like European sports cars. Sorry. I do too. I just think I don't like American muscle, new muscle. I like old American muscle. What about a GT500?

Have you seen the new Shelby GT500? Yeah, look. You don't like that? Shelby makes beautiful cars. I just, it's not, I'm not an American muscle guy. I like European sexy fucking. Pull up a 2021 silver with black stripes Shelby GT500. First of all, you know I'm not driving around with stripes on my fucking car.

You should. I'm not 14. Let everybody know you're a racer. I'm a quick guy. Beep, beep. I'm into going fast. Fuck that. To me. I want to go fast. To me, I like the sleekness of European speed. I'm into going fast. Fuck that. To me-

I wanna go fast. To me, I like the sleekness of European speed. I think it's sexy as fuck. Do you know that if you're not first, you're last? What is this, is this an ad? Ricky Bobby? Is this an ad for Talladega Nights? No, it's Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights.

Yeah, you're first, you're last. Look at that! It's fine. Shut your fucking hole. Make that full screen. It's fine. Come on, son. No, look, Shelby makes a-

Fuck. What the fuck are you talking about you know the only the only problem with that is it's a mustang i'm gonna buy one right now it's a nice car the only problem is that what did you even say bro that's an amazing i just like baiting you bro i just really like that's an amazing no shelby makes a fucking beautiful car pretty that is gorgeous man i love it yeah it's still the hottest car in the lot still a must. What does that mean? When you open the door, it goes bum bum bum.

Still has a fucking... No, I like it. You don't like Mustangs? No, I don't like Mustangs. Are you a snob already? Yeah. What are you gonna do when you get really rich? I'm never gonna get really rich. I'm gonna stay fly right under the clouds. Here's my thing. I like those cars. They're beautiful. My biggest beef with American muscle cars is the interiors look like fucking toys. That's not true.

Yeah, they look like shit. Not anymore. American muscle cars on the inside, there's nothing sexy about their interiors. Is a Corvette a muscle car? Sure. Of course. Okay. Pull up 2021 Corvette interior. It's gorgeous. It looks like shit. You don't know what you're talking about. It looks like shit. You're talking a lot. Pull it up and let's see it.

I'm gonna keep talking that fucking nonsense. Straight out of your butthole. You fed me some sauce and I'm gonna go for it. It's the your bubble. You fed me some sauce, and I'm gonna go for it. It's the Irish curse. You give me the sauce, I'm going for it. The Irish curse. Look at the inside of that fucking bullshit toy. Like a kid designed that.

Like a fucking smart kid that's gonna figure out how to get to the moon quick. Look at how fucking dumb that looks. Please. Yeah, so dumb. It makes my dick hard. What are you saying? It looks like a dumb toy. Don't give me that right-hand drive shit.

Look at that. Look at that. Stupid. Stupid. What are you saying? What looks like a dumb toy. Don't give me that right-hand drive shit. Look at that. Look at that. Stupid. Stupid. What are you saying? That looks gorgeous. What is that, an iPad? What would you need that for? What is that?

So you can see where you're going. By the way, I'll tell you what's the worst interior now. What? Your boy Elon's, the Plaid Plus, the steering wheel, they cut in half. I don't like that. What the fuck was he thinking? I don't like that steering wheel. That's a bad idea.

Because I drive like this. Everybody does. I put my hand on it. You know why? I like to look at dudes on the side. What's up? What's up, that. What the fuck was he thinking? I don't like that steering wheel. That's a bad idea. Because I drive like this. Everybody does. You know why? I like to look at dudes on the side. What's up? What's up, bro? What's up, bro? That's why I don't tint my windows. You see me in this fucking car. I don't want a 10-in-2. I don't know why he did that because I genuinely wanted to buy one of those. I think his idea

is that ultimately all cars are going to be autonomous. You're going to press a button, take me to Chito Santito's house. You don't want that either though, right? I want options. Right. But I don't want the car to get into just automatically go. I used to enjoy going home from the comedy store if I was a little bit tired and I was driving home at night, like I did a late spot and it's like one o'clock in the morning, I go, do-do, and I let it drive itself. Come on, that's terrible, bro.

I'm not interested in that low steering wheel. I like it to go over the top. But I think the idea is also you get full access to your screen I know but let me say this My biggest beef with this thing Because I'm big on what the interior design Because I like design I like cool interior design Why does it have Netflix He probably got a check for that

Why does it show the Witcher Who paid them off That's actually the game What That's not a Netflix show It is a Netflix show I think But That's actually the game, not the... Oh, it's a game? Yeah, they put a game on the car. Oh, fuck. That's not a Netflix show? No, it's a game. I mean, it is a Netflix show, I think, but that's the game. But that's the video game.

Fucking game. But this is my biggest beef. The cheapest Tesla, the 3 or whatever, has the same interior as the top Teslas, too. No, it doesn't. Yes, they do. It's different. You can't upgrade shit on the inside. You can.

What can you upgrade? Well, you don't have to do it with Tesla. No, no, no. Can Joe Schmo fucking at home? Yeah, you send it to Unplugged. What is you upgrade? Well, you don't have to do it with Tesla. You can. Can Joe Schmo fucking at home? Yeah, you send it to Unplugged. What is that company? It's a... They... there's an amazing company that's literally right outside the gates of the Tesla factory. I'm saying when you build it online, you can't change shit on the inside.

You can change the color of the seats and the color of the dash. That's it. Mmm. I don't know. No, I've done it. I've built the car like three times. Jamie knows. He built the car three times. I did it. Someone's close. Bro, that looks dope as fuck. Yeah, I guess if you have no style. Why? Fuck that. Jamie, what did you do to the inside of your car?

You sure have my feelings. Bro, that looks dope. I bought Jamie his car. He didn't even order it. Did you? Yeah. You fucking liar. I didn't say anything. You fucking liar. I withheld information. I didn't lie. Jamie, you're a fucking liar. What are you saying?

As long as I've known you. What happened? I said, did you get it from Elon? He said, no, he made me buy it. No, that's not what you said. That's what you said. I said, we got it from Elon. No, you fucking liar.

You fucking liar. Jamie. This is the best part of Jamie He can get away with that Jamie was about to buy one And I said hey Are you buying a Model X And he goes yeah

I'm about to order I go Don't Because I got you one I had to tell him But I wanted him to get here And have the car with a bow on it That's nice

But I had to And you didn't want to tell me that version huh You wanted to be a cool guy Walking around showing. He's just humble. This would have been the second time you heard it. Behind your back, behind your back, different guy. Different guy. How's he different? Because he walked around when he walked in before you were in the

studio. Yeah. Before you showed up. Did he have fur coat? He had gold rings on and shit. With the ponytail. He takes the bun off. Oh, I take my grill out. He was letting his hair fly. You haven't seen my grill. Oh, you have a grill? Do you? Don't. I take my grill out. He's letting his hair fly. You haven't seen my grill. Oh, you have a grill? Do you? Don't.

I want you to have a grill. So do I. I want you to have a grill with fangs. I have thought about coming in. Two sharp ass fangs? Two sharp ass fangs

with diamonds in them. I have threatened to come in with a cornrows one Monday. No, bro, please don't do that. Why not? Go to Cancun and go get it done

like a cornrows. It hurts. Yeah, it does. It does. It does. It does. Speaking of, Justin Bieber's getting some shit right now. For what? He's got dreads.

Oh, God. Have you seen that? Dude, can they leave this fucking kid alone? This idea that dreads are somehow or another cultural appropriation. Romans. The Romans had dreads. It's a sign of having dirty fucking hair. That's all it is.

It's like dirty knotted hair. Aren't we all appropriating everybody's everything? What does that even mean? This is cultural appropriation again. Accused of cultural appropriation over his hair. For dreading his fucking hair? This is CNN?

Yeah. Oh my goodness, CNN. I just picked the first one because totally offensive. You know, every headline says something. Totally offensive? Wait a minute.

Go to that one. Click on that. USA Today. Totally. That's why I didn't do that. Fuck that. Ad blocker. They want to sell you ads. Totally offensive. I guess he had this before. Can I tell you something? Let me see that. Scroll. But let me see the actual headline. What does it say? Totally offensive in quotes. Justin Bieber accused of cultural appropriation. Who wrote

totally offensive? Who's that quote. Joe, I'm offended. By who? By me. It's probably a post on the Instagram comment or something. Oh, come on, man. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? USA Today uses an Instagram comment as the title.

Is that how far we've fallen? Well, look, by the way, go up for a second. Wait, go up, Jamie. It says right there, Swags Crazy, Jaden Smith commented under one of Bieber's posts. So his black friend Who said, oh this is cool Hold up It's Will Smith's son

Oh he's not black? Will Smith's not black, you're right, that's right He's black Of course he's fucking black But he grew up in a fucking castle somewhere If his black friend is like I got you, I feel like that's your card They said I'm good.

Is that what you do? If any of my black friends vouch for me on something I feel might be on the edge, I feel good. I don't give a fuck what other people say. If any black guy I know says I'm good with whatever that is, if I said, yo, is this offensive to any of my fucking black friends? And they said, what are you fucking talking about? Why would CNN matter to me? Or USA Today? What is Chito doing with dreadlocks?

Can you imagine me with fucking red dreads? It's Pippi Longstocking. No, what's his name? Alexei Lalas. Didn't he have dreads? Look at that rose on his neck. But here's the thing. I give that kid a giant pass. Leave this fucking kid alone. I give that kid a giant pass the same way I give Miley Cyrus a giant pass

and Demi Lovato a giant pass. They grew up famous and you can't do that. It's not right. It's like mixing cement without enough water. It doesn't work. Too thick. You grow crazy. Well, here's my thing.

I've said this about him. The first thing I ever did was punk. That was the first thing I ever did. And we worked with this kid and he was on, this was 12 years ago or whatever. He got the most shit back then. All they did was pick that fucking kid apart. And he's tried over the years to try to reinvent himself. And he's a really good kid. He's not a bad kid. No, he's a good kid. I've known him for a decade plus. And he's fucking talented. He's really talented. Every fucking move he makes, they're going to criticize. So he doesn't care anymore but but my problem is they find stuff every single couple of years to try to bug him about because they want to find a

hole in him well it's that but it's also what we were talking about the beginning of the show about clickbait stuff with journalism yeah they need to make money right it's money like no one buys newspapers right so the only way you can get a lot of people to click on something is you've got to kind of be outrageous. Justin Bieber's racist. I mean, it's just like, these keywords. Totally offensive. Right. Some Instagram commenter is literally the opening line.

Right. Some random person. Means nothing. That might be a Russian troll. They might be in a fucking warehouse somewhere typing in, what is it, Krillic? Is that stuff called? Yeah. What's that shit called? I, what is it, Krillic? Is that stuff called? Yeah. What's that shit called?

I think you're right. Krillic, yeah. Who knows what the fuck? They might Krillic to English dictionary. What do you think the percentage of bots are on Twitter and Instagram, truly, though? What are fake Russian bots? Every time I post, the fucking whole thing is filled with bots until regular people start commenting. I wonder if they could even regulate the percentage.

It's got to be 20, 30% of bots. I did an experiment about a year ago where I posted something, and then I just kept clicking and took how much time it took before I saw a real comment. How much time was it? Because I was like, because, Jamie, when was it, do you think, that I started getting, like, all those bots? Like, I need something long and hard. Well, I'm pretty sure when it happened.

How do I delete a story? Is when they allowed the ability for PC users or Windows. There's, like, a Windows app for Instagram. Because, like, you could make a, you could then create the script or the bot on a computer to do it. Instead of using a phone. You would need a phone. Right. Because it used to only be phone.

Correct. Yeah. Up until a certain time, and then they opened up the platform, so I remember I Got a text message from my friend goes What's up with the fucking bots on all your comments and this was? Long after I had sort of sworn off of reading comments So I was like what do you like what it how many of the. It's all your fucking, all your comments are these bots. So then I started reading these bots. I go, what is this? And I would go to the page and it would be like four pictures of a girl's ass and some weird link that you click where they immediately get your fucking credit card information. It says, don't click here if you don't want to come.

That's every single one. That's every single one. But dude, it took like 10 seconds before a real comment showed up. Right. And in that 10, I kept clicking refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. And in that time, there was hundreds of bots. So I'm like, okay, this has to be profitable. But how?

Oh, it is. How is it profitable? It's just like people that are so fucking stupid. They're like, whoa, she really is alone. Yep. She really is lonely. She's a long, hard dick. In fact, the bots have gotten so fucking stupid. They're like, whoa, she really is alone. She really is lonely. She's a long, hard dick. In fact, the bots have gotten so fucking good now.

Like, I've even seen, if a bot will comment on my page, I just automatically, I like, see it, it'll come up, and I'm like, all right, fucking gone. If you click on these bot pages now, not like that anymore. They're 50 to 100 pictures, generated photos, and they have other bots that comment on their pages, but the algorithms are trying to create them so they say real shit like,

see you in Texas next month, girly. So then you go to that and you go, oh, I'll follow her. Look at that ass. It's getting advanced as fuck. And people are doing it. Why wouldn't some lonely dude? you think you're not gonna trick I mean anytime you see a commercial late at night You know either you're walking watching TV late at night

You're like who's buying this fucking bull right who is buying millions of humans the same guys that are sucking into these fucking bots They exist there's a fuckload of them what a weird world What a weird world it's really York just made prostitution legal What a weird world. Do you know New York just made prostitution legal? I'll be touring around New York this winter. Is that real? I'm looking.

I hope so. I read something about that. God, I hope that's... You know what? Finally. Well, look, everyone's so positive sex work now. This is how little research I do. Let me explain to you how little research I do. Yeah.

Manhattan to stop prosecuting. Manhattan to stop prosecuting prostitution, part of nationwide shift. Way to go, Cyrus R. Vance Jr. Nationwide. Look at that guy. You know he can't wait to get his dick sucked. Yeah. Look at him.

Yeah, I myself don't get prostitutes. Look how hard he's gripping that podium. Like, eventually I'm going to get free. He hasn't come in years. He can't wait to get a hooker. He's going to do Emil Nitrate. He's going to bust one of them capsules under his nose. This shoot giant Tommy Segura-sized loads.

So that just means they won't prosecute you, but they'll bust you, but they won't charge you, right? No, they won't arrest you. They won't arrest you. Well, it says prosecution, so they can break up something, right? But they can't, like they can- What does that mean? Because I think prosecute means to the full, like, what? It's just like fun.

I'll let you read it. Now he's looking at hookers. I'm falling for it. The attorney, Cyrus R. Vance Jr., asked a judge Wednesday morning to dismiss 914 open cases involving prostitution and unlicensed massage. That's hilarious. I'm going to rub people,

but I need to go to the government first. Along with 5,080 cases in which the charge was loitering for the purpose of prostitution, the law made the latter charge a crime, which had become known as the walking while trans law.

What? Do you know what that's based on? What? Like Walking While Black. Do you know that phrase? I thought it was about Jim Norton. I mean, that is. The announcement represents a substantive shift in substantive.

That's a weird word. Substantative. I know, but. In the Manhattan District. Substantive. Look how it's spelled. How do you say it, Jamie? Substandative. But it's not ti-tive. It's tiv. Substantive. In Chicago we run through it. Substantive.

Substantive. Substantive. Substantive. Substantive. Substantive? Substantive? We'll be right Substantive. Substantive. We'll be right back with three idiots trying to read here on Joe Rogan Experience. In the Manhattan District Attorney's approach to prostitution, many of the cases Mr. Vance moved to dismiss dated to the 1970s and 80s.

What? Holy shit. What? I don't know. Cases? Cases from the 70s? Who's locked up for sucking dick from the 70s? Jesus, let that guy go.

I was just trying to have fun when the New York waged a war against prostitution in an effort to clean up its image as the center of iniquity. What's that word? Inequity. No, but it's not inequity. It's iniquity. Oh, right. It's not inequity. What is that word?

I know what vice is. It's a fucking website. What's it? Immoral or grossly unfair behavior. Iniquity. Grossly unfair if you suck someone's dick for money? A den of iniquity. Seems pretty fair to me. A den of iniquity. Ooh, immorality. A synonym is impropriety. Maybe I should call that

That's your next special. Name from a comedy club. Iniquity. Over the last decade we've learned from those with lived experience and from our own experience on the ground, criminally prosecuting prostitution does not make us safer and too often achieves the opposite results by further marginalizing vulnerable New Yorkers. Oh, good for him. That's really wise, and I hope they apply that same logic to drugs. Yeah. Including patronizing sex workers, promoting prostitution, and sex trafficking.

Okay. Listen, man, I'm all for people having freedom, and I think if it's legal to be a gold digger, it should be legal to be a hoe. Yeah. Get out of here, Jamie. But I agree with that. He's going to go shave his head and come back and freak us out. I hope he does.

That's like I learned what this means. Do you know what this means? What did you just do with your hand? Watch this. This? Yeah. Okay, let me tell everybody what you did. You made a fist with your knuckle under your fingers instead of over your fingers,

which is how my kids thought you're supposed to punch people when I was first teaching them karate. Bad move. Bad move. Break your whole fucking wrist. So this, if you're supposed to punch people when I was first teaching them karate. Bad move. Bad move. Break your whole fucking wrist. So this, if you see- I'll fuck somebody up like that. But this, like, with your knuckle in? Yeah, I'll fuck you up like that.

You want to box? Let's go. I mean, it won't be my best. You think I'm scared to box you, Joe? It won't be my best. The fans know. Let's go. It won't be my best punches.

It'll be the worst punches. Every time, it's like hitting a baseball on the winner. It's fucking stingers, bro. Ow! Ow! This means this, okay this okay open your palm if you see a young woman open her palm put her thumb in her palm and close of Her fingers. I'm dead serious Because I looked at this article this means sex trafficking this means I'm being trapped

Oh, if you see this in public, this is a real thing It's all over the internet now if you see a woman fold her thumb and do this, this means I'm being sex trafficked. I'm being held captive. Internationally, it's the international symbol for I need help. Where's Jamie when we need him? He's out there fiending. I know, fucking pissing like a loser. We'll talk about it.

When he comes back, we're going to talk about that. How'd you learn that? On the internet. I was watching a video. Is that the same people that think that this means white power? Well, it does. What? It means okay.

I was at the meeting. I said, yeah, I was one of the eyes. I said, yes. Jamie, we got to look something up. Sorry. Cheeto was saying that there's a thing, there's a symbol. Well, ask if he knows. Do you know what this means when you take your finger, you put your thumb under your fingers and make a fist like that?

If you saw a woman in public do this, do you know what that means? I've been seeing something like there's some sex trafficking thing going on. Boom, see? He does know. Told you. Welcome to the party. How do I miss out this? This is what happens when you stay off social media. You know what it is, though? I'm so behind the loop. But here's the trick.

When you go into a bathroom in the airport, you know how it says call this number if there's sex trafficking and all that stuff? Don't you think the sex traffickers see that? They're not letting these girls go to the bathroom they're not letting these girls go to the bathroom then at the airport they don't give them phones either right what the fuck yeah what do you mean what that's never going to help them but this is why this is why they invented this seriously uh he wants to see it on see where we but it's it's if this if you ever see a woman in public do this to you if she's with men a group of men it means i'm being sex trafficked wow yeah

and go fuck those dudes up beat the shit out of those dudes but don't do it like this don't hide you don't put your knuckles in your don't put your thumbs in your wrists right so this means this means I'm being yeah signal for violence the violence at home violence at home as well

it's all the above some sort of violence for women so a woman to signal that she's in danger. Right. It means there's sexual abuse or physical abuse happening and I need your help. Fuck. So, I mean, yeah, it's on a video call too. So it's like, there's a couple like security things that have been caught where a girl gets taken in somewhere.

Yes. And the guy goes to the bathroom and she's like playing like, give me a pizza. And they're like, what do you want a pizza? This is a vet. we're talking about a pizza correct they'll call 911 and you're supposed to order a pizza is another code you call 911 and you go hi yeah

dominoes and they're like 911 you're like what if some dude answers the phone and doesn't give a hello 911 I'm ordering a pizza you got the wrong number dummy or he's like me too what do you want I'll order one for both of us yeah I like pepperoni. Do you like mushrooms with your pepperoni? Right, that's the code. It's either order a pizza.

I've seen that on the internet a lot now. I wish pepperoni and mushroom pizza was good for you. How is it not, though? Because it's bad for you. But tell me what's bad about it. Gluten. Okay. Cauliflower. We're drinking whiskey, smoking cigars. Cauliflower crust. Again, you fucking communist. Cauliflower crust? I didn't invest it cigars Cauliflower crust Yeah Again you fucking communist

Cauliflower crust I didn't invest it I haven't been in I've heard of it Are you investing in cauliflower crust again? I'm not investing in it either He's got bitcoin and cauliflower crust NFTs

I feel like if you're gonna have pizza You should have pizza Like if you're gonna have ice cream You should have ice cream Real ice cream That being said I do fuck with gelato Very hard

Yeah but gelato's great It's like a kind of ice cream, right? But I'm too dumb to know. What is the difference between gelato? I'm a stupid person. What is the difference? But when I have it, I know it's better than ice cream for some reason. No.

Ben & Jerry's? Come on, Chunky Monkey? I'll take gelato. Get the fuck out of here. I'll take gelato any day of the week, Joe. Did you just say you'd take gelato over Ben & Jerry's? 100%. 100%.

The flavors of gelato are just as endless and it's smooth and creamy. It's never too hard and too cold. Gelato is perfect. We sound like Joe DeRosa and you know him and fucking Salvo Cano

have a show called, they just argue food for an hour called Taste Buds. Yeah, they just yell at each other. That's their show?

Yeah, it's called Taste Buds. It's fucking great. They just argue for an hour over food. About food? But it's that. It's this kind of thing. It's ice cream versus gelato. It's pancakes versus waffles. Why don't great. They just argue for an hour over- About food? But it's that. It's this kind of thing.

It's ice cream versus gelato. It's pancakes versus waffles. Why don't you move here, dude? What are you doing fucking around LA? Buy me a fucking Tesla and a house and I'll move here. I will. Will you? Really?

Okay, do it. Buy me a Tesla and a house and I'll move here. Really? Yes. Okay. If you do it, I'll move here. Okay. But I want to be near you.

I'll buy you a house in East LA. No, dude. Nice tent for you. He didn't tell me where to buy your house i'll buy your house in the shittiest fucking neighborhood what's the worst east la is the shittiest neighborhood what's the shittiest neighborhood what's the shittiest neighborhood here in austin is there a bad one uh there's some sketchy spots where all the homeless people live but they're they're planning on cleaning that up in some way. But there's a lot of like bleeding hearts that don't want them to end the camping ban. Tent law, right? They have tent.

We have tent. They're trying to. That's real soon. They're going to vote on this. And, you know, unfortunately, like banning people from camping is not the entire solution. The solution is providing them housing and then also providing them some sort of a window to reenter society. You have to help them.

But here's the problem with that. And I'll say this from a personal note. Someone that we know on a personal note works in this field. I don't need to say it. L.A. tried to institute this hotel. It's called Keys for Change, maybe. I think that's what it's called, where they were implementing during the pandemic hotels that had no occupancy, that the city was subsidizing these hotels, giving them money. So homeless and people with mental health issues and drug addictions could stay in these hotel rooms, right, at a cost to the hotel, and they would get paid from the city.

They then found out, you can look up the articles about it, so many of these fucking chains were not giving any of these rooms to people. And they were keeping the money. It was like, so my beef with any of this. Yes. It's the same thing as someone I know works with LAUSD. The school system is fucked for these same reasons. The money is being thrown into these areas. But it's being thrown by this big blanket.

There is no specific way so when we say stuff like i want to help these people i want to get them off the problem is the bureaucracy of these fucking systems is way too big and they don't really work that's the beef so it would take a small smaller chunky entities that get this thing done instead of you know how do we get these guys off the fucking street? LA tried. And then these hotels were liars. And then they fucking caught them. You want to get your mind blown?

Give it to me. How much do you think LA spent on homelessness in 2020? Oh, my God. Take a guess. I just am, for the sake of it, half a billion. Wow, you're pretty close. Yeah. Was it really?

Yeah. How much is it? 400-something million. Right, right. But here's the thing. Coleon Noir was on the podcast, and he's a lawyer. Was it really? Yeah. How much is it? 400 something million. Right. But here's the thing. Coleon Noir was on the podcast and he's a lawyer. You know, you know who he is?

Well, I know from the podcast. He told me that he went to San Francisco and he was speaking to someone and he was saying like, like they need to up the budget. They need to figure this out. He goes, no,

no, you don't understand. It was the budget's huge. Right. It's not the budget. That's not what the problem is. The problem is it becomes a bureaucratic institution and then a bunch of people,

that's their job is to deal with the homeless situation and they never deal with it. They never fix it. They just keep working and they get paid. And then they keep this institution going. And every year, we need more money. Correct. And it just keeps going up and up and up.

LA dedicates $1 billion to fight homelessness. What does that even fucking mean? They're going to fight it. They're going to go out there and they're going to fuck these people up. Th dedicates one billion to fight homelessness. What does that even fucking mean? They're gonna fight it. They're gonna go out there and they're gonna fuck these people up. Thumbs inside something? Thumbs inside. What is that fighting homelessness? They should take the same people that are fighting the war on drugs and fight the war on homelessness and then lose at both of them. Yeah, lose both wars. By the way, you know what that reminded me of to read that? Was bum fights. Do you remember bum fights? I do remember bum fights. Wow, holy shit. They would just pay those guys in Vegas to slug it out. Yeah.

And I remember how fucked up they got. They got really lit up online. They got criticized. But their whole thing was all these homeless dudes were like, it's fucking great. They're giving us money. They're feeding us, giving us a place to live. We're loving it. The juxtaposition was they were doing more for homeless than the city would ever fucking do that was the irony it was so fucked up to publicize these fights and to profit from it but they were paying these guys and giving them they were like oh they're willing to fucking scrap it out on the streets and then it became well they also paid a guy to pull his own tooth out with a fucking pair of pliers it was a it was an old tooth it was fucked up it needed to come out are you sure no but you know we'll stick we'll stick by that. I don't fucking know. That video was wild. You know what the craziest shit was?

Felony fights. What is this? Felony fights. Read in it or no? What do you think? I'm not going to hail if it's not. Oh, there we go. Felony fights. You remember felony fights? No. You ever see those? They were the worst. They would pay guys to have a fucking fist fight

to the death in a fucking orange orchard. What? Oh, my God. It was horrible. I've never heard of this shit. This one guy beats the fuck out of this other guy. One guy who knows how to fight fights this white kid who definitely does know how to fight. They both just got out of jail.

That's the title? They talk about where they went to jail and what they were in for, and then they fight. And the Mexican dude catches this dude with a punch, knocks him out, and then the guy goes down. And as he goes down, the guy starts kicking him in the head, and then he just drops giant knees on his face. Oh, bro. While he's unconscious. They don't stop the fight at all.

And the dude's out cold, just getting blasted in the head, and he starts snoring. Why are you laughing? Because I saw it in my head, the cartoon image of a guy like... It's so rough laughing because because I saw it in my head the cartoon image of a guy Oh, it's so it's so rough terrible and as a guy who's seen a Disproportionate amount of people get fucked up right like if you wanted to go throughout human history and Say how many people have you seen get knocked the fuck out? How many people have you seen get blasted unconscious? I am in the one

One-hundredth of one percent of all the people that have ever lived you've seen the most Is a few other people like me like Mike Goldberg and John Anik and DC and right and then I'm saying your core group Of guys I've seen more people get knocked the fuck out than almost anybody that's ever lived You guys is reaction you and annex reaction was hilarious by the way, dude. I never stopped loving it, man I've seen more people get knocked the fuck out than almost anybody that's ever lived. You guys' reaction, you and Anik's reaction was hilarious, by the way. Dude, I never stopped loving it, man. I never stopped loving that sport. When someone rises like Thug Rose or Kamaru Usman or someone rises to the occasion, I will never stop loving it. I've been doing this shit for so long, and I can't help myself.

I will say, when we were on tour and we would go do a show in the UFC the next night, I will be genuine. Like watching you as a friend, watching what you would do, the way you would act the day of the fight was very interesting to see from an inside-outside. Like I'm inside because we're friends, but I'm outside because I'm still a spectator and I'm watching the sport and loving it. The excitement you had day of is Similar to how it felt when we were doing shows like you were still

It wasn't like a job. It just it doesn't feel like a job I guess is what I'm trying to say no It's not a job like I'm doing it cuz I need a check cuz a lot of guys do man Yeah, no, it's not a lot of guys. It's like I'm fucking going along with the thing No, I don't have to work there anymore if I don't want to. No shit. It's like the idea is it's when I do it, like no bullshit, I realize that these fucking people have poured their life into this. The last 6, 8, 12 weeks, whatever the camp's been, and then all their years of training, their whole life of training, that's their moment, man.

I want to honor it. I want to make it more exciting for people at home well the respect the respect is just heavy and you gained it gained a respect for me because look before you before we became friends i like the sport i just never knew enough about it or never really got into it i was like no i like it but i didn't know much about it well you've seen it live though well i've seen it i've seen it behind your shoulder which is fucking insane you know many people are like want to kill me for those seats? I mean, they fucking slit my throat to be there. I've seen it over your shoulder.

Listening to you call it right there behind, it's a special thing. Did you ever see the video where there's a fight going on? It was Nate Marquardt. I forget who he's fighting, but he's fighting. And in the middle of his fighting, when the camera turned to them, Ari and Duncan, because they were behind me. So they had the monitors. So I have monitors, right? And the monitors in front of me show them what's on television.

And they started making out. So in the middle of it, look. They started full on, full on making out because they know they were on camera. I fucking love Duncan so much. That was the same sort of situation. I think it's Brad Tavares. Is that Brad Tavares? Who's Brad fighting?

Is Nate Marquardt and Brad Tavares? I think that's who it is. I'm pretty sure it's Brad. Wait, I wanted to ask you this. In the Usman fight, when he's down and he keeps clipping him, do you think that should be stopped or that's okay? The referee has to pull him off. Because he clipped him a few more times after he was—

It's super necessary. For him to hit him a few more times? It's super necessary. I'm asking. Look, here's my reasoning. You don't know what I'm saying. Super necessary is like when Masvidal knocked out Ben Askren, he hit him with a flying knee, and he punched him a bunch of times on the ground,

and the reporters asked him, is it necessary for you to keep punching him like that? He goes, oh, it's super necessary. Right. So Masvidal, like you reap what you sow. And he, to his credit, Masvidal is a fucking gangster. To his credit, he got KO'd and he said, I'm a big fan of that punch that knocked me out. That's huge. He said that.

He said that. He said he was a big fan of Kamaru Usman landing the perfect punch and knocking him out for the first time in his career. Also, when I interviewed him after the fight, which people are like, you said you weren't going to interview people after the fight. I don't even know what's happening. Like when I was in a trance, like everything was so crazy. And you guys are right.

Yeah, I did say that I wasn't going to interview people after the fight. But guess what? I'm glad I did. Yeah. You guys are right. Yeah, I did say that I wasn't going to interview people after the fight. But guess what? I'm glad I did.

Because whether it was Zhang Weili or whether it was Askren or rather Masvidal getting KO'd like that. Masvidal had the classiest response I've ever experienced with a guy. Talked so much shit. Hyped up a fight. Did what he did. Fought his heart out. Got knocked the fuck out with one punch. It was all class. All class. But isn't that, do you feel like that's over the years? Don't you feel

like a lot of people have turned on that class thing of like, because the fighting is so respected now? At the end, they do. Isn't Cerrone like that? Oh, for sure. But that's my thing. It's both things. Cerrone is like that before fights. He likes to hug people before fights. Donald just loves to fight. He doesn't have to hate you to fight. When we walked up and we

said, hi, you introduced me to him. We were in Atlanta or some shit. I don't even remember. I was like, how are you feeling? He's like, good, man. This is the greatest thing I've ever done. He was so happy, smiling ear to ear. He was so excited. There was no nerves. You can't fake being Donald Cerrone. No.

You can't fake that. He's an American original. Yeah, dude. He's a real motherfucker. He's an American original. He enjoys fighting, he's a real motherfucker. He's an American original. Like, he enjoys fighting, win or lose. And, you know, he's lost before. Like, he had a fight with Anthony Pettis, and it was, like, a real close fight. And I kind of thought he should have got the nod, and a lot of people did, too. But it was real close.

And afterwards, he's like, hey, you know me, man. I fucking love this shit. Like, he really did. He loved it. He goes back to the farm and just lives his fucking life. He just loved it. He had a great fight. It was a great fight.

Yeah. Real fucking. But I guess what I'm saying is, like, back in the day when there was all this criticism of UFC, when people didn't know what they were talking about, the idea was, oh, all these guys are just fucking animals. Now the fighting is so respected. There's so much respect. I feel like every time I hear in interviews, 99% of the guys show love even when they get fucked up.

I rarely hear the asshole putting on the show afterwards. It's rare. There's two different things that go on. Before the fight, sometimes there's a lot of trash talk. Well, yeah, there's chirping. That's to hype up the fight. Sure. And Conor McGregor is the greatest of all time.

100%. There's no one better. Conor McGregor. Chael Sonnen is under-recognized. He's the fight. Sure. And Conor McGregor is the greatest of all time. 100%. There's no one better. Conor McGregor. Chael Sonnen is under-recognized. He's number two. Yeah. In my opinion. Because Chael Sonnen, like, he would fight guys and you kind of didn't think he was going

to win. But you still were willing to, Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck! And the whole audience goes, yeah! He brought, Chael Sonnen brought legit, like, top of the food chain pro wrestling antics to real MMA fights, and he made a fuckload of money because of it. And he hyped up some fights. Because, like, if you really, all due respect for Chael Sonnen. All due respect.

I think he's a gangster. He's talking about a man who submitted world champions like Shogun. Chael Sonnen's a bad motherfucker. He is a bad motherfucker. And people who don't think he's a bad motherfucker, watch his fight with Nate Marquardt. When Nate Marquardt was at the top of his game and Chael Sonnen ragdolled that dude in a wild, crazy, bloody brawl. He got cut open. Like, Chael Sonnen's a bad motherfucker.

But very few people thought he was going to beat Jon Jones. Including who? Including me. I was like, okay, talked a lot of shit. Let's see how long this lasts. Jon Jones is a bad, bad man. He's a bad man. He's not just a bad man.

He's maybe the baddest man of all time. He fucking would scare the shit out of me. He's so good. He's so good. He's so good in every way. He's not just so good physically in his ability to execute. He's so good in his's so good. He's so good in every way. He's not just so good physically in his ability to execute. He's so good in his ability to assess where he's at in a fight, and he's so good at

turning on the gas in the last rounds. The Dominic Reyes fight, that was a tough fight for the first three rounds, because Dominic Reyes was teeing him up in the first three rounds. Dominic was moving very well, and he rose to the occasion, but Jon Jones turned that fucking heat up in the fourth and fifth.

He did the same thing that Alexander Gustafson. He finds a way to win. No one's ever beaten him. You've got to understand the amount of opposition that guy's faced from the jump. He went right into the UFC. I forget he fought a Brazilian gentleman. I forget the guy's name. Ragdolled that dude.

He fought Stefan Bonner. Ragdolled him. He made his way up the ladder just smashing people. Smashing people. He has one loss, and that loss is not a real loss. It was disqualification because he was smashing Matt Hamill, and they said that he did a 12-6 elbow. And the referee was openly criticized for that decision of stopping that fight there because John was completely dominant

in that fight, and they gave the decision to Matt Hamill. So John smashed him, beat the fuck out of him and lost his win money. It's a dumb rule. Like, if you can elbow someone like that, you should be able to elbow someone like that. It's debatable, you know, you could debate all kinds of things. Look, in Pride they didn't even allow elbows. Pride thought that elbows cut people up and it's too easy to land on the ground, so they only wanted punches on the ground.

Is there any truth to that? No. No. Just like one FC you can be in the head on the ground But I'm saying just do elbows cut people up more. Of course, they cut people up. It's a valid technique So does it a shin right if I kick someone in the face it cuts their face If you have to get rid of one you have to get rid of all of them then right? Well, it's it's there's weird rules cuz like why are the most vulnerable weapons on your body covered?

Which is your hands your hands are the most... Look how much that moves. Yeah. Look at my hand. Look at all that movement. You don't want that in a weapon. You want this. Yeah, stiff. You want a knee.

You want a shin. Right. You want an elbow. You want... I can do that with my elbow. That doesn't bother me at all. Right. This doesn't bother me at all. It would bother me.

That would hurt my hand. Yeah. If I did that with my hand that would hurt This is a vulnerable weapon So this is the only weapon we wrap and pad up, but then you let someone kick someone in the fucking head It's so crazy You know the I the idea is it's harder to kick someone in the head and it is it is right Definitely hard to kick someone in the head then punch them. But you get punched so much. And in some ways, it's unrealistic. Because it's too easy to just tee off on someone full blast with padded knuckles

because it protects your hands. Because if your hands are bare with no tape, no nothing, you can break them. If you watch those bare knuckle fighting championships. Dude, it's so. That's the fight. Bare knuckle shit. It's just felony fights. You want to watch it? This guy gets. I'm not going to say no. This is the one. I need to do that right. Watch it real quick... That's the fight. It's just felony fights. You want to watch it?

I'm not going to say no. This is the one. This is the one. Watch it real quick. Watch it real quick. And then we'll go back to talking about... Oh, this is more than one people at a time. Yeah, it's 2v2.

Oh, that's crazy. Look at this guy kicking this guy in the head. The kicks. He runs over, fucks the other dude up. Bam. And he kicks that guy and kicks that other guy. Jesus. Yeah, soccer kicks to the head like that, knees to And he kicks that guy and kicks that guy. Jesus. Yeah, soccer kicks

to the head like that, knees to the head like that and stomps. That is like literally the worst thing you could ever do to a person. I gotta be honest though, his form,

the kick is great. The Chicago Bears are looking for a new kicker. Can we get this guy's number? He's got great, great form. He's talking shit even after he's

fucked them all up. but he's not even helping his buddy. His buddy's like in the middle of, oh, okay buddy His buddy's like In the middle of Oh okay His buddy's winning The buddy's winning

Oh my god This is awful The fact they did two on one This is crazy Yeah this is brutal shit But look they won't kick him in the balls Respect He's tapping out too and he wouldn't let go

Boom Bam I don't know Yeah It's It's rough It's rough Not a fan But

Not a fan If you watch those bare knuckle fighting championships That's the newest thing They do pay-per-views I've seen yeah You know it's rough not a fan but not a fan if you watch those bare knuckle fighting championships that's the newest thing they do pay-per-views you know what's the saddest thing is like two of the hottest women that have ever fought in MMA

are now fighting in bare knuckle fighting championships who is it? well one was Paige Van Zandt oh yeah I know Paige Van Zandt super hot yeah right

and all due respect and shout out to her husband Austin Vanderford who's a bad motherfucker as well. But, you know, he knows she's super hot. She's gorgeous, yeah. And then Rachel Ostevich. I don't know who that is.

She just signed with, she might be as hot as a human being can get. Well, let's bring her up. They just get different. Right. They don't get hotter. They just get different. You know what I mean? They change shit.

She's a level of hot. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know exactly what you fucking mean. Well, this lady, she just signed with Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship, and you're like, wow. What's the money like? It must be substantial.

It's got to be, right? Go with a picture of her. Don't give me a picture of her out to fight. Give me some booty pictures, son. Go to her Instagram. Okay. Go to her fucking Instagram. I know Van Zandt.

I've heard of her. I don't know who this is. She got cut from the UFC recently, but she's built like a fucking nuclear missile. You're just like, Jesus Christ. Good fighter, too. Very good fighter. Real good jiu-jits. Real good... Yeah. See what I'm saying? Oh, yeah.

You don't get hotter. You just get different. There's levels. But they both... Here's the thing with bare-knuckle fighting. Ultimately, I'm 100% in support of all kinds of fighting. Sure. Like, I love Letwe, where David LeDuc has been on the podcast before.

He's, like, the champion of Letwe. They use headbutts. They can headbutt each other. Bareknuckle, he's such a beast. Fucking insane. Bro, this guy's such a beast. LeDuc is such a beast. That's Paige after a fight.

No, I like Paige. I like Paige. She's gorgeous. Yeah. By the way, I've been headbutted once in a fight, and that's the most painful I've ever – most painful hit I've ever taken to my head was another head. Heads are hard.

But here's the thing. It's like these girls are getting substantial increases in their wages by going to bare-knuckle fights. Because UFC just isn't enough for the women. Well, here's the thing. If you find out that, like, one of the hottest girls to ever compete in MMA, Paige Van Zandt, is going to fight bare-knuckle against some other very pretty girl. There's like an added value to that. And there's also an added value to the idea that they're boxing Bare Knuckle because it's so crazy and it's a new thing.

So there's novelty. Right. But there's Chris Lieben fought, what was the gentleman's name that he fought? He fought this dude that broke his face open. By the way, who's funding Bare Knuckle? Like who's the company behind it? Who's got all this dude that broke his face open by the way who's funding bare knuckle like who's the company behind who's got all this capital that started this i don't know but i think they can only do it in wyoming that's so funny i think they might be able to do in a couple other states now but for a while population so fucking low they're like we

look at we need no we need some tourism, they just barely forgot fighting off the Indians. Right. You know? That's like six months ago. They barely forgot fighting off the Comanches in the fucking 1800s. They're like, bring in them knuckles, baby. Like, oh, yeah. What do you want to do?

Bare knuckle, I guess. I mean, the population is the lowest, I think, in the entire country. It is in Wyoming. Yeah, it is. And it's the most gorgeous. It's a beautiful country. It's weird. But I don't want to live up there., in the entire country. It is in Wyoming. Yeah, it is. And it's the most gorgeous. It's beautiful country. It's weird. But I don't want to live up there.

It's a beautiful country. Some people figured it out, and they go to Jackson Hole. All those rich folks. Jackson Hole's great, but they don't live there. But they figured out there's a spot. Hey, let's all go together and buy some land. No shit. Fucking paradise that nobody goes to.

Right. But they let him have the Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship. Who the fuck was he fighting Chris Lieben bare-knuckle fighting championship. He fought a dude who was on the ultimate fighter I forget his name anyway this dude was good And he hits fucking hard and he broke Chris Lieben's face wide open where it looks like he got attacked by like a saw Like this is like an fist fight with a bandsaw. Yeah, look at that fight. Holy shit. Look at the cuts on his face.

And I remember thinking that and going, who did he fight? You see what it says? BFK. Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship. Six loss to Paulie Magelini. No, no, no, no. It definitely wasn't him.

Because Chris is way bigger. Paulie Malignaggi. Cochran? Yes, Dakota Cochran. That's right. Dakota Cochran. And Dakota Co Cochran. That's right. Dakota Cochran. And Dakota Cochran just cut him wide open. He said it was the hardest he's ever been hit in his life.

And I saw these cuts and I was like, okay, that'll shorten a career. And a lifespan. Yeah, but the punches are already doing that, right? It's like the argument is you can't punch as hard with bare knuckles, so maybe even you take in less trauma. Like the argument of MMA versus boxing is actually that boxing, they can only punch, so they punch each other more in the head, and then there's no leg kicks, no takedowns,

and so it's more impactful on a fighter's overall longevity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the argument behind it. Well, that's the same thing with, you know, this, I think I talked about this last time we were here, because we were talking about UFC and hockey, right? There was this big argument that fights, they were going to get rid of fighting because it was causing serious brain damage and brain injury,

when, in fact, this documentary I watched, it's been proven the biggest traumatic brain injury in the NHL is hits against the boards. Yeah, by far. By far. Not open ice, board checks, by far, cause the most brain smash. You don't have to get hit in the head. expert in traumatic brain injury and he's one of the people that runs a warrior angel foundation that helps a lot of like soldiers and guys who were blowing up doors and shit like that and he and he's also worked with football players and now fighters he's like dude you can get brain damage

he didn't say dude he speaks in like more eloquent terms your fucking brain can get clapped homie homie let me tell you something what happens you get on a jet ski? He's like, my G? He was talking about jet skis. He's like, dude, jet skis. He didn't say dude. Jet skis.

When you're paraphrasing a fucking brilliant man and you're putting him into your own monkey dialogue. I'm putting him in my own dumb, dumb dialogue.

He told me that you can get, literally, you can get, not even literally, you can get brain damage from jet skis, man. How, dude? Just dah, literally, you can get, not even literally, you can get brain damage from jet skis, man. How, dude? Just... Oh, the slamming on the ocean. All that shit when you're hitting those waves and bouncing that jet ski, that's

rattling your cage, man. It's not good. Really? Yep. Guys get it from soccer, from heading the ball. Right. I've heard this. Which was my shit. That was my shit when I was playing soccer. I'd fucking headbutt that ball. It's apparently super bad for kids. And as they get older, if they've been heading the ball in practice day after day after day, you know, fucking 250 days a year, they get brain damage.

Well, this is the same thing with rugby versus the NFL, right? The NFL, because of the pads, they say the better the pads have become, the harder the hits have become. Yes. They have more protection. Yes. I can go full ball. Dude, now they're like, oh, I'm free to just murder you. That. They have more protection. Yes. I can go full, dude, now they're like,

oh, I'm free to just murder you. That was my argument about gloves. Yeah. That you should be able to not have gloves because it'll give you a more realistic sense of what you can do with your hands. Because there's some guys

that have just like fucking brutally strong hands and they don't care and they can punch things like they don't. My friend Mike, I was buddies with a guy who was a pro boxer, Mike Blythe. Shout out to Mike Blythe from South Boston. And Mike would practice on a heavy bag, a hard heavy bag, bare knuckle.

Fuck off. He did. He was a bouncer at the Ratskeller. Let me tell you something. This dude, he looked like the biggest nerd. Like he would wear glasses. And I don't even know if they were real glasses. I think he might have wore glasses so people would fuck with him more.

And he would wear like a shirt that was he was so sick he was so sadistic and he would wear his like shirt like a polo shirt button up to the top he looked like such a dork and he wasn't like a scary guy physically but he looked strong like he didn't look like a weakling but he was so he would dork himself up so the guys would fuck with him and he would flatline guys in clubs. He was so mean. But he was really brilliant, too. He was an interesting guy.

He was an interesting guy to work out with and train with because he was really well-read, really smart guy. He eventually went on to become a teacher. I forget if he was teaching at a college or a high school. I don't remember. But he was literally a brilliant guy who wrote a lot of stuff, too, but also liked fucking people up. He had some fucking hands. Oh, he had some hands.

He was a pro boxer. He fought professionally. You're against the gloves, right? I'm not against the gloves. I'm not. I think they need to be better. I think Trevor Whitman made the best gloves for MMA. These Onyx gloves.

We showed them on the podcast before. But Trevor figured out the very best gloves. And I think they'll protect your hands a little bit more. And I think they're a little, like the way they're formed, it's better because I think it discourages instead of encourages eye pokes. But I just think that it's unrealistic to pad one thing. It seems inconsistent. Like why aren't you padding the shins? Why aren't you padding the knees?

Why aren't you padding the elbows? You're only padding the gloves? Who does pad the shins? That's in... This amateur,? Why aren't you padding the elbows? You're only padding the gloves? Who does pad the shins? That's in... This is amateur, amateur kickboxing. Kickboxing will do it, right? Yeah. Yeah.

In Taekwondo, we used to wear shin pads. But is that for you or for them? I think back then... Is there a duality there? No. In Taekwondo, I can say with most certainty, it was really to protect you. Because me being the person who's kicking. Correct. Because we didn't

kick with the shin so the worry was and it happened all the time that you would kick someone you would catch an elbow or you catch a knee on your shin and it would fuck your shins up for sure yeah or you would clash like sometimes you would clash like from my friend dimitri he was way bigger than me he was a heavyweight and i was uh at the time i was fighting like 15 me. He was a heavyweight. And I was, at the time, I was fighting like 154. And he was just a gorilla, big fucking Russian dude. You were 154? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long ago was that?

I was a kid. I was 17. Okay. 18. I was going to say, I was like, not in your 20s. I fought, no, I fought at 140 my first year. I won the state championship at 140. And I barely made 140.

I was so drained. I was so drained. I was so drained. I didn't know what I was doing. I remember I called my friend Jimmy Lawless. That's a real name. I called him up. Awesome fucking name. I was going to the tournament the next day, and I had finally made the weight,

and I called him up fucking screaming, I'm going to fuck everybody up. I was so pumped up, and then I was so tired the next day because I actually had to weigh in at 140. So I lost all this weight. I got really worked up and pumped up and I didn't drink any water because I was really like 154 or something like that. Right. Or 150. And I lost weight to get down there.

I did it in a terrible way. What'd you do? I just fucking like shadow box in the hot shower. I got in the hot shower and I shadow boxed and I just wore like a bunch of different layers of clothes and I just kept weighing myself until the night before, until I shed all the water to make weight. Wow. So dumb.

But then I went up to 154 and that's when I, I was way better at 154 than I ever was at 140. Anyway, me and this dude, we sparred and we kicked kicked at the same time, and I broke my fibula. So it's like there's a tibia, which is the big bone on the shin, and his heel slammed into my little bone, and it cracked it. And I remember I was like, oh, this is a different thing. I thought it was just a bruise, and I was like, oh. Because I had one bone that was good and one bone that was cracked. There was something wrong with it

I mean dude like like like stuff to me like that fucking leg injury was just horrible Oh, I've never had that happen made me not seen that three times now So I with Corey Hill way back in the day I saw with Anderson against Chris Weidman and then Chris Weidman the fact that Chris is involved in two of the three ever Leg breaks like that in the history of the sport is really crazy. Just watching it made me sick. And then any kind of replay, I was like,

oh, I don't know why it's nauseating. Here's another crazy statistic. Frank Mir is responsible for the only two legitimate arm breaks that I've ever seen. Like clean breaks. Clean breaks. And he did it to two world champions. This is how badass Frank Mir is. Frank Mir broke

Tim Sylvia's arm, who is like an all-time great heavyweight champion. And he broke Minotauro's arm. Minotauro Nogueira, who's a pride champion, UFC champion, like literally one of the legends of the game. He broke both those guys' arms. Snapped them. Snapped the

bone. Where you hear the bone crack like Minotaur He got him in a Kimura and it cracked his arm. He's sitting there like after he tapped It's like looking over to his arm. It's like fuck call into the trainer. It was his upper arm. He snapped his arm Yeah, shit He got him in a Kimura and and and Minotaur didn't tap and he just snapped you heard the thing crack And you saw it shift and pop over when you knew it was broken, and he did the same thing to Tim Sovia. He snapped his forearm.

He got him in an R-bar, and you see his forearm snap. Yeah. Watch this. See, this is Minotauro's on the bottom. He's trying to tap Frank Mir there, and then they scramble out, and Frank catches him in a Kimura. See that arm that he's got right there? He's tying that thing up right there. Now, right now, Minotaur is in deep trouble.

Frank trapped him. Now he's got side control. Now he gets to the position. Now watch this. Watch this. Watch when they show, like he's trying to fight it off, but watch when he gets to this position. He rolls him over twice.

Watch this, though. Watch this. Here it comes. Watch this. Pop! You see that? Ow! Fuck!

Ow! Oh, fuck. Look how he's lying there. Yeah, dude. I'm sorry. I broke your boy's arm. Fuck. Watch.

One more time. Watch this here again. He rolls him over. Watch when he... I mean, this is nasty shit here. Watch this right here. Boom. See, he taps

And look at his arm Look how he looks at his arm He's like fuck Well I guess that's that That's my fucking arm now That was I saw It's like

This is like Looking at another person's arm That's how good Frank Mir was Fuck People I mean You talk about a dude Who's a

A pioneer Tap Brock Lesnar With a fucking leg lock The first time Brock ever fought in the UFC. Remember that? The first time. Heath Haring and then he fought Frank Mir. And Frank Mir caught him in a fucking leg lock. And he was fighting

you know, I think Frank was the champ at that point in time. Where's Mir now? He just fought in Triller. Oh, he's doing Triller shit. Yeah. He fought a boxing match against Steve Anderson, I believe, is the gentleman. He fought, he's doing Triller shit. Yeah, he fought a boxing match against Steve Anderson, I believe, is the gentleman. Sounds right, yeah.

He fought, who's the only guy besides Deontay Wilder to ever knock it down, Tyson Fury. He caught Tyson Fury with a bomb and dropped him, and Tyson got up and beat him. But Steve Cunningham, right? Is that who it is? I think that's his name and he just fought Frank Mir and Frank Mir just went six rounds with him in a boxing match so is this Triller thing gonna have any legs well they got Teofimo Lopez and Teofimo Lopez is one of the best boxers on planet earth right now and he's

fighting a legitimate boxing match with them and they said this one's gonna be a different card they're gonna have this like a real boxing card right and that's what I read online and they said that people like hardcore boxing fans this fight is for them and they're kind of acknowledging the Jake Paul thing was like a big entertainment thing there's a lot of shit going on money you know but it was also like here it is yeah they want a real shit yeah yeah George fight camposus jr. he's Australia. That's a big fight. And so they're doing that They're gonna have like a real undercard and so they're trying they're gonna they're doing it there. It's real undercard Yeah, it's real. I mean, you know what I mean by that though, like it's gonna have legs

This is gonna this isn't gonna this gonna burn. It's not gonna burn out. I don't know these people Yeah, I really don't know these people. I wonder who funds it. That's what I said. You know who funds it Can you look up who fund Triller? Because honestly put that to put that on the podcast, but listen, I've been around dozens of these things, from Elite XC to Affliction to all of them. I've seen them come and go. It's a hard gig, man. And also,

it's like Q-tips. UFC is Q-tips. You don't go to the fucking store and buy cotton swabs. You buy Q-tips. You know what I'm saying? store and buy cotton swabs. You buy Q-tips. You know what I'm saying? You're going to buy tissue paper. You're going to buy Kleenex. You're going to watch football or you're going to watch the NFL.

Right. You're going to watch MMA or you're going to watch the fucking UFC. Right. You're going to watch the UFC. And especially when they put on a product like they did this last weekend when Usman knocks Masvidal out with one punch like that. You're like, okay. They have the best.

It's the best. They have the best. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah, it's undisputed. It's the best. They have the best. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah, it's undisputed. It's the best. By the way, Jamie will appreciate the fuck out of this. Somebody put up the anniversary of Slam Ball. Oh, yeah.

Did you watch that? Oh, I remember that shit. Did you watch that shit? They're fighting to try to get it back. There's all over the internet. People are begging to bring this shit back. Wait a minute. Is that the one with the trampolines?

Yeah, dude. It's the fucking best. They should bring that back. They're trying right now. Why not? I would love to see that the fucking best. They should bring that back. They're trying right now. Why not? By the way, I would love to see that live. I would love to see that live. What if some crazy Chinese billionaire came along?

I don't know what else to be Chinese. That's who we need. Comes along. Some wild person comes along. Crazy Chinese billionaire is right. All right. How about Russian? Sure.

A conglomeration. Fine. An LLC. And they get together and they decide to pay all the NBA players way more to play in this. Like LeBron makes a billion dollars a year. A lot of the WNBA players would make a lot more. I don't know if it's still happening. So much more.

They should dress like volleyball players. They do. They still make more. Are you kidding me? Here's the thing. For a guy, for male basketball players, going to Europe or going overseas is still a good venture if the NBA isn't doing what you need it to do for you. But for the women, they can make so much more money over there than they can over here.

By far. Yeah. The WNBA. They don't make much money. Well, they can't. I think the top lady makes like a quarter, quarter million. I mean, I would say. I think it's in the neighborhood of that.

Yeah. makes like a quarter quarter million i mean i would say i would say i think it's in the neighborhood of that yeah i mean who like well candace parker who is uh went to my well went to my sister high school she is like the biggest she just returned to los angeles it's like a huge deal she's like one of the biggest names and she's nowhere near what she should be getting paid to be the biggest name of that sport but when you say what she should be getting paid isn't it based on how many of course it's based on the revenue. Yeah. You mean just in the, like, if the universe was fair. As good as she is. In the vacuum world of, like, the best of anything usually is like...

Have you ever met the best bowler? Yes, I have. They make, like, 50 grand a year. Good money. No, they make good fucking money. I don't know about that. Don't disrespect my bowling. Don't disrespect the PBA.

One of Ari Shaffir's buddies, Tommy, was a professional bowler. Yeah. And we all got high with that guy, and buddies, Tommy, was a professional bowler. Yeah. And we all got high with that guy, and we ate dinner, and he told us everything. And he was like, can you guys- I was like, it's not- there's no money in bowling. He's like, Joe, can you pay? He wasn't making any money bowling. Can I tell you?

He's a world-class bowler. I watch bowling. So I know some of these guys. I watch them. And they make good money. If you win, it's like golf. Golf is the same thing. No, it's not like golf.

Golf, you make millions of dollars. If you win. Yeah, but there's a lot of guys that do well in golf that make really good money that you don't even know who the fuck they are. Sure. Okay, sure. You're right. You're right. I'm not saying it's the same comparison, but I'm saying if you win, you're making bank. And if you're not, you're doing okay. You're doing fine. Okay, let me compare it to something I actually know about. Here we go.

Professional pool. No money in that. There's no money in that. If you're winning. The best guys, like a Shane Van Boning, he probably makes a quarter million dollars a year. That's good money. The best guys. That's good money.

But there's like two or three of him in the world. Okay, yeah. It's so hard for guys to make money. There's a lot of numbers, but I will say there's a lot of, because of what you know and I know, this is beautiful. This is the story of this guy. Yeah, Michael Vianza. He just qualified for this weekend's tournament.

I guess it'd be his first ever PGA tournament. He's driving like a 140,000 Vianza. He just qualified for this weekend's tournament. I guess it would be his first ever PGA tournament. He's driving like a 140,000-mile Camry to get there. Yeah. That was calling his father, his dad. Look at him crying. Look at how he made it. Oh, look at that shot, too. And they qualified.

He's got a $6.9 million purse. Oh, man. He has the opportunity to maybe win, but whether or not he does, we'll see. Well, he's in. Yeah. He's in. Yeah, but you but whether or not he does, we'll see. Well, he's in. But you need to explain to Joe the difference of that. A $6.9 million purse of Valspar, first of all, it's divvied up by the top 50 to

100, depending on each tournament. So the top guy will make a couple million, and then as you go down, it exponentially goes lower and lower. The last place who makes the final cut, the final day, which is the fourth day, you have to make it to the third cut, he probably makes

50 Gs, maybe? I mean, it depends on the tournament. So what I'm saying is, even to get to there is a fucking impossibility. Yeah, but if you're a guy who can get to there multiple times a year, you're making a good living and no one knows who you are. It doesn't happen often. It doesn't. How many guys are there that make that 50G

up to the top? The 50s only made money once. Whoa. This guy. That one guy. One time. Yeah. And let me tell you something about that guy. Because I lived in Scottsdale when I was at Arizona State. I met a fuckload of these guys that were trying to get their tour card because all of them live in Arizona. They train out there. And there's so many of these guys

to go from, this is kind of nonsense, but to go from, this is kind of nonsense, but to go from a scratch golfer who shoots par to go, to go to somebody that shoots two under three, under four, under five, under six, under consistently.

It's so fucking hard to do that week after week, after week, after week, that that's why these guys like him, this, this kid, who's a brilliant story, they come and they go and they come and they go.

It's just, it's so hard to even get in, let alone be top 50, let alone be top 25. Top 10 is absurdist. It just doesn't make sense. Right. You're competing against so many people. It's insane.

They're all so good. It's insane. They get coaching. They've been doing it since they were kids. Yeah. It's insane. The competition level, once you get past the cut line, it's absurd. These guys were coming to play Riviera in Los Angeles,

and I played at this golf course with Pat Perez, who's a fucking great golfer. Riviera at the casino? No, Riviera at the golf course in Brentwood. There's a golf course, the country club out there. Oh, you said Los Angeles. Yeah, at LA. I thought you said Las Vegas. No, these guys, before they play Riv, they come and play a bunch of different courses, and I played with Pat Perez, this pro was there, Bubba Watson was there,

and I'm not, just like anything that you experience, when you see the best of the best, it's like almost scary. You're like, are you an alien? Right. Are you not one of us? Right. Because it's freaky.

Yeah. Like it's almost, it almost seems like I'm in a fucking simulation and I'm like, where's the guy that's controlling this? It's so far beyond what you're physically capable of. It's creepy. It seems like magic. Yeah, but like Bubba Watson, not a big guy, not a big heavy guy, not a tall guy or like a muscly guy. This dude, as a joke on the first tee, he hits the ball.

He's like, he's being a smartass. He goes, does this go a little bit to the left? And they're all laughing because he's just being a fucking smartass. And he goes, I think I'll just play. Yeah, I'll play it like that. This dude, he hits the ball so clean and so fucking far it's almost like is this a computer that i watched did i just watch a fucking video game yeah talk shit and then do the thing it was like when they say jordan would call shit out he would call shit out he'd be he'd be crossing someone up

and then just be like i'm gonna hit it from 18. And then take him to 18 feet and hit it in their fucking face. Like a computer made him do it as if it's pre-programmed. There's people that just hit levels where you just go, oh, I didn't even know that was possible. It's scary to watch. There was this slight, very slight, he wasn't a big muscular person, a Filipino guy in the 1990s. He's still playing. He's still like an elite player. His name is Francisco Bustamante.

What a name. Filipino pool player. But he was known for his break. And it's the most ridiculous break you've ever seen in your fucking life. I want to see it. And he's not a big guy. He's like 150 pounds at the most. And the cue would come out of his fingers, out of his bridge hand,

and all the way back. It would come out. And he would break, and it would be so hard. Now, this is him. This looks like it's probably him even later in life. That's an 0-9. But you've got to watch how hard this guy breaks, because it's so ridiculous. It's crazy.

Oh, my. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? That cue ball went flying off the table on that one. He's very upset. But the amount of force he can generate, find him one where he doesn't do that. Hey, by the way, when the cue comes off, because you know I'm dumb about a lot of stuff, is that you're out?

You're fucked? Yeah, yeah, he's scratched. Yeah. Oh, this is an analysis of his... Look how it comes out of his fingers. How does it do that? How do you fucking... He just has amazing control. And then when he drives

in, look how loose his hand is. But also, look at all of his body weight goes behind it. Yeah. That's a light break for him, too. That's not a hard break. He's... But he's like universally... Here's a good example. He's universally regarded as one of the greatest breakers of all time.

This is when he's older, too. This is... Holy fucking shit. It's so crazy. Those balls go flying. Four, four. He dropped four balls. It's regular, regular for him. To drop four off a break like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the day, people would stop what they're doing to watch Francisco Bustamante just break the balls. Before the fucking internet, by the way, this guy was just like a tail. You know what I mean? When someone's like, no, he come, he break four, he drop four, and everyone's like... I'll tell you about him. There's a guy I met fuck, man? This guy was just like a tail. You know what I mean? When someone's like, no, he come, he break, he drop fall.

I would tell you about him. There's a guy I met once, man. Right, in this bar. You won't believe it, man. You have to see him. I saw him play live multiple times. In my old studio in LA, I have a signed photograph of a tournament that he won when he won the bicycle club.

I think it was in 93. This is just a mechanics breakdown of him. was in 93. This is just a mechanics breakdown of him. But he's one of the, there's like a group of elite players that came out of the Philippines. The Philippines is probably, if you want to look at one country that had the biggest influence on pool outside the United States, I think you'd universally go to the Philippines. Why? Something happened. I think it was, I think the story is that the GIs that went over to the Philippines in the 1950s, like post-World War II, introduced pool to them.

And they brought over pool tables and set up pool tables. And they taught these people how to gamble. And these guys would go over and get drunk and they'd gamble and they'd play pool. And they set up these pool tables in these bad conditions, right? So it's real moist over there. Right. And so when a moist table, what happens with a moist table, because it's very humid, it slows the ball down. So these guys developed a better stroke. They developed a more relaxed stroke and a lot of them used heavier cues. And the idea was to move the ball around the table effortlessly, not with muscle like a lot of Americans did it, but they would use the weight of the cue. So almost like they were throwing the cue into the ball with this

crazy technique. And then they came over to America and started gambling. And the first guy was Evan Reyes. And he came under a pseudonym. I think, God, I want to remember the name of it, but it was like some Mexican name. He came over under a fake name. Right. of it but it's like some Mexican name he came over under a fake name right and cuz he didn't want people to like give up his speed his speed is like his ability like how funny is that guy oh dude he's fucking he's a headliner you know how good is that guy a player oh he's a fucking a player what's his speed like what's he like Caesar Morales that's right Caesar Morales so he came

up what year was that 94 it's idea that was 94 when he came overales, that's right. Cesar Morales. So he came over, what year was that? 94. 94 it said, yeah. That was 94 when he came over here? No. That's when Reyes became known as the US... As Efren Reyes. ...World Championship. No, that's when...

No, he was over here in the 80s. So the start of his career. It doesn't have a year for that. Yeah. Well, he came over as Cesar Morales, and he gambled a lot of people, and like big-name professional people in America and that was what pool really pool the name pool Pocker billiards is the game pool is a term for pulling up your money to gamble

That's what I that's what I know it's all about right pool is all about gambling So when he came over from the Philippines they came over with a bunch of rich financial backers from the Philippines To gamble money cuz they knew how good he was. And he was lighting them up. Dude, he changed the game. He changed everything about it. He was so good. They call him the magician because to this day, he's probably the most famous and most

beloved pool player of all time in the world and widely recognized as the greatest. And there were so many of them that came out of the Philippines, but Bustamante had the best break. There were so many guys. Do you think of the Philippines. But Bustamante had the best break. There was so many guys. Do you think the sport will not last now? Pool? I mean, in the public forum of that. Can you be a pro?

You can still be a pro. A lot of those pros gamble. A lot of them gamble. A lot of them have rich financial backers, like some guy who owns a fucking insurance company, loves the game, comes in and gambles money, and they work out a deal. Like, if we win, I give you X amount percentage. But think about it like generationally that's what i always think about stuff like this

like i remember when people thought ufc was a fucking joke but they weren't listening to the youth this now as that generation goes away my young my generation his generation i don't know anybody that fucking plays pool it's a hand-eye coordination game it's difficult to learn it takes a long time to learn. And, you know, you have to execute. Like, that was a... The thing that we used to have

a problem with at the pool hall was guys wanted to come and play cards. So they would have a problem where these tables would be filled up with guys playing cards and guys didn't even want

to play pool anymore because you don't have to... You don't have to fucking make the shot when you're playing cards. Right. So it's still gambling, but you don't have to execute. Right.

Right? So you can just revel in the thrill of gambling money and all the craziness that's involved in being a gambling addict, but you don't have to execute on a shot. So if there's a nine ball and it's on the rail and it's past the side pocket and you have to figure out if you want to cut that motherfucker down the long rail for the cheese, you gotta have some balls yeah you know it's 10 to 10 a race to 11 you're like you got to execute some people don't like that and that is one of the reasons why pool is like a that and the lack of a real legitimate outlet where people can enjoy it and watch it don't play pool that pool halls too but like they have to be able and watch it. Pool halls. That don't play pool.

Pool halls too, but they have to be able to watch it in a way that, like the color of money was the biggest thing that ever happened at pool. Yeah. And that Tom Cruise movie came out in the 1980s. It's a great movie. Was it the 80s? I said late 80s, 89, 88. When that movie came out, pool halls went bananas. They were everywhere.

Everybody wanted to be like Tom Cruise. Right. They all wanted to listen to fucking Warren Zevon play Werewolves of London. I fucking love Warren Zevon. Fuck yeah. And twirl that cue around. And run out in front of everybody where they're like, I can't

believe how good you are. That was a thing. And it made pool popular for many years afterwards. But it eventually waned and it wore off. And they tried with a couple other movies that were pretty good, like Pool Hall Junkies is pretty good. There's a few pretty good pool movies. But not in the new world.

Not Color of Money. Color of Money is Walter Tevis. Same guy who wrote The Hustler. Same guy who wrote The Queen's Gambit, that television show on Netflix. Great fucking show. One of my favorite shows ever. Great fucking show. Same guy wrote that.

No shit? Walter Tevis, yeah. That's a great fucking show. Was that a book shows ever. Great fucking show. Same guy wrote that. No shit? Walter Tevis. Yeah. That's a great fucking show. Was that a book? That was a book, right? Yes. Queen's Gambit's a book.

Hustler's a book. And Color of Money's a book. Color of Money's very different than the movie, but still, great book. Right. And that changed the game, and everybody wanted to play pool. They need something like that now. They need like a new thing. But that's what I mean.

Yeah. Without that, the youth starts to lose that love for that thing. Well. They just don't know it right So it's like how could they even relate how what's the connect you know I mean? You know people play it when they're drunk You know so every time I go with you I get fucking shit-faced and we play and then you fucking Whoop our ass, but it's the game where people play in bars a lot You know yeah, but I love but see I in the where I come from, where this trash bag comes from, we play,

isn't that right, you Midwest piece of shit? You fucking Ohio trash. You know it. You know you're fucking trash. You know. Listen, no one loves Ohio more than Jamie.

You should get an Ohio tattoo somewhere. Yeah, you should. Right on your neck. You really should. It's in my blood. Where we come from, Midwest, to this day,

A lot of pool out there. But pool, d Where we come from, Midwest to this day. A lot of pool out there. But pool, darts, like bar games will never go away. Because it gets cold outside. Yeah, you got to be inside drinking, doing something. But Southern California was a hub for pool for a long time. But now I couldn't find a fucking pool hall down there if I tried. There's one place and it happens to be one of the greatest places on earth.

One of the most legendary pool halls of all time. What's it called? Hard Times Billiards in Bellflower, California. Because there used to be a pool hall. We used to go. There's one in Hollywood. Yeah, that's small time. Listen, when I came to California,

where I wanted to go was Hard Times. I would play in the Hard Times tournament every Sunday. I would go down there. When I was a single young man. Big money? No. I mean, was there money being thrown around there? There's money.

There's gambling. Sometimes there was gambling. I mean, was there money being thrown around there? There's money. There's gambling. Sometimes there was gambling. Sometimes, like, there was one time where someone robbed the place, or a guy came in with a gun and stole the stake money. Good for him. Because he knew that there was a certain amount of money. They would put stake money usually either on the light or somewhere. You'd put down your 10 grand.

I'd put down my 10 grand. We're playing for 10 grand. We'd take the money and put it on the light. You wouldn't just give it to a fucking guy. No, you wouldn't give it to the middleman? No. There's got to be a guy there. A lot of times they like to put, this is hard times.

And this is, look at that, voted best billiard room in America. That's a fact. Says who? Says me. Oh, is that Joe Rogan? No, look, everybody says that. When you go to hard times, like the hard times tournament, they had to have a tournament on Sunday, the pro tournament.

Yeah. I forget what they called it, but I never won more than a match. Go to the outside photo. Sorry, go to the outside photo. Right there. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like. It's a dirty place. That carpet smells.

Great place. I can feel it. And it's been around for a long, long, long- Can you smoke inside? You used to be able to. I love that. So you'd go there on any given Sunday, and Efren Reyes would be playing there. The guy we talked about before? Oh, he was a Southern California guy.

No, no. But he would be in town. He would play there. Francisco Busamante would play there. Efren would be playing chess while he wasn't playing pool. Rodolfo Luat. You know, like the best guys ever. Dennis Arcullio.

The all-Filipino guys, they would come to Bellflower, and everybody would know they were there, and they would set up games. They would play in the tournament, and then guys would come out of the wood everybody would know they were there and they would set up games they would play in the tournament and then guys would come out of the woodwork and some guys would travel people would sit and fucking watch fuck yeah I would do that

I would sit in there I'd play a match and if I won if I was fortunate enough to win I'd sit down and watch all these other people play generally speaking I was like one and done I usually either lose my first match or I lose

I win one and then lose my second match. I never came close to winning the tournament. But I had a bunch of friends that were like legit pros that won the tournament. And I'd go and watch all the time. I'd watch guys gamble and play. It's an art form that only the people that practice it appreciate. Yeah, that's a lot of specific things, right? Like that, anything like that.

Like you were talking about golf. Golf. Like I don't play golf. So if I saw a guy do that i'd be like yeah he looks good but when you see it you're like when you when you know what you can do when you know what most people do right correct it's absurd when when you can when you physically watch someone hit 330 340 yards yeah shock i mean it's it but also because of the physical like we're talking about when you see a skinny, not... We just in our minds are always like, you got to be fucking jacked to do man shit. But when you see someone like slenderly do something smooth, like him breaking...

You're like, huh? What are the physics that I'm missing? Right. What's the click that just changes over to being like, I'm just better than you? Exactly. Yeah, what is it? It's one of those things, man. It's like everybody has gifts in some area,

and it's like how much time are you willing to dedicate to this one thing, to hone it, to a razor-sharp edge? Is it bowling, the strike? You know, those guys, they twist that ball, and you see it curve and smash into those pins. Every time they hit a strike and they go, must feel amazing oh it must feel amazing what's that guy jamie that whoever you think you are i am what's that fucking guy's name he's talking to his father pete pete uh he's like a legend in bowling this dude's this dude really yeah this

phrase went viral because he he he like he hits the strike to win and he's like, who the fuck do you think you are? I am! Like, just talking shit. But he was saying it, I guess the follow-up was he said it to his father. It was like to his dad, like, this is him right here. Yeah, Peter Weber. Pete Weber. Yeah, look at this. Watch this.

Yes, god damn it. That is why I did it. At number five. Are you kidding me? That's right. Who do you think you are? I am. That's right. What a boss phrase.

Who do you think you are? I am. Who do you think you are? I am. That's incredible. Do it again. Do it one more time. Hold on.

Do it one more time. Just because I fucking love... Just like... Number five. Are you kidding me? That's incredible. Do it again. Do it one more time. Hold on. Do it one more time. Just because I fucking love. Just like. Number five. Are you kidding me? That's right. Who do you think you are? I am.

I'm going to tell you something, man. There's something magic about that kind of fame. I know. Look at all those bowling dorks. They're like, yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. I'm one of those dorks. I love this shit.

I understand, but look at that guy with his arms up in the air. The guy on the right-hand side. Losing it, right there. Up there. Look at him. Yes! Fuck yeah! Losing it.

Fuck yes. The ball knocked over the pin. Who do you think you are? I am! I love that shit. Did you see this one? This kid hit a 7-10 split. This is mine.

This is my ginger. This is my cousin. I retweeted this. I said my cousin's out here. With a fucking mask on? Yeah. They make him wear a mask? Well. They have to at these tournaments now. Jesus Christ. I guess this is very exciting. It hasn't been done very often on camera. It happens

only a couple times a year. Oh, okay. Let me see him do it. Oh, it's right there. Alright, so here it is. Oh, go back. How does he do it? On TV. Come on, kid, do it. do it did it oh that's the move you have to get it to bounce off the wall

and hit the other way the only way that any professional has ever said a 7-10 split can work is you have to hit the 7 or the 10 pin at an angle

to kick off the wall and be lucky enough that usually which is even crazier you can look it up there's a back flap there's like a big heavy flap

you know when the pins hit against behind there, you usually can't see. It has to hit the wall and or the flap and jack sideways. So this one... Show it again. Okay, so look here. So that one hits... You see that? So watch. Go back. Go back. Go back. You'll see it hit the flap. It'll hit the wall, the flap, and then come forward. You see that?

So it has to have considerable force. Unbelievable. And the accuracy is almost impossible. Even still... And he's not even breathing. Nah, he doesn't give a Unbelievable. And the accuracy is almost impossible. He's not even breathing. He doesn't give a fuck. He's got a mask on. Even still, that's what's so weird about this. It's so hard.

Even still, when you hit it off the wall at the right angle, the flap, it has to spin off the exact way for it to hit the other pin. That's why it never happens. The best bowlers in the world can do it a million times and still not get it to perfectly angle off off. It's a lot of it's luck. Is that harder than a hole-in-one, would you say? What do you think? No. I know they're completely different. The only reason I'll say yes is because on the PGA Tour, look it up. I mean, there was just another one. You get a hole-in-one, I would say there's probably more hole-in-ones during the course of the year of the PGA than there are 710s. Don't you think more people are playing golf than bowling? I know, yeah, per capita it's hard to say.

Especially at an elite level? People, you can bowl all night, you can't golf all night, and there's like 15 lanes and there's only some people on a golf course. Yeah, I think bowling also you could practice that thing over and over again, where it's like practicing a hole-in-one, like good luck. I've only seen one. I've been present for one. And you know what the craziest thing that most people say when they see a hole in one?

When they hit it, you almost know it's happening. Obviously, it wasn't me. But when I saw somebody hit it, I was like... Don't you think they say that after it's over? I fucking knew it, bro. Only because it... Nah, but when he knows... When you hit it, it looks so right. You're like, oh, wow, that looks really good.

Yeah. Because the accuracy in golf is absurd. It's like... He knows. Because the accuracy in golf is absurd. It's like, he knows. The accuracy is almost embarrassingly absurd because you're supposed to aim for a very small target. And even an inch off in your mind is 10 yards in reality. Isn't that interesting, like, why we're so obsessed with accuracy? Oh, we love it.

What do you think that's from? Darts, pool, golf. I mean, it's obsessiveness. We love, I think it's fucking caveman shit of like... It's archery. Yeah, caveman beginnings. You wanted to hit something specific. I think that's why I like archery so much.

The accuracy. Well, you posted fucking today. Yeah, today. It was just like the specificity of it is impressive. It's not that you did it. That's this in 61 yards. Yeah, it's just because it's impressive because you did it. That's this in 61 yards. Yeah, it's just because it's impressive because you're like,

I can do that. I can put it in the thing that my mind is picturing where I want it to go. But I do that all the time. That's why. Because that's how I clear my mind. I get out there and I launch death missiles at a rubber target. I launch death missiles at rubber targets.

I have a new bow that my friend John Dudley made. Is that what you just put outside? No, no. That one has to get repaired. Oh, you're getting a new one made. No, no, no. I have a new one that's on John Dudley's Instagram. It's 95 pounds to pull it back.

It's the most meathead. What's the average? 60 pounds? Yeah. Yeah, 60 or 70 is a lot. 80 is kind of crazy. 95 is so stupid. Who are you trying to prove something to? Not. Cam Haynes, this is what it is. My regular bow is 84 pounds, which is a lot. That's heavy. But I work out a lot. So what? It's heavy. It's not though. It's easy for me to pull back. I pull it back all day. It's heavy.

It's not, though. It's easy for me to pull back. I pull it back all day. And so my friend Cam got a 90-pound bow, and I shot his bow. I was like, I fucking like this bow a lot. It's not that much of a difference between 84 and 90, but there's like several feet per second increase in the velocity of the arrow, and I think maybe even more accuracy because you have a higher holding weight.

It's very complicated, right? But I felt good with it, and so I called John. I said, dude, I think I'm jealous. I think I need one of them 90-pound bows. And he goes, why not make something even fucking crazier? I'm like, I like the way you talk. Like, what are you saying? Fucking psycho shit. So he made me a 95-pound bow.

That is so nuts. I've never shot a bow that's that hard to pull back. But it's not hard for me. There's a video of me pulling it back I can pull it back pretty easy what are the ones in elementary school? 10 pounds? I can do that it's interesting

what technology is involved in these fucking bows now it is fucking crazy to look at and you're going off of like a little bubble level. So there's like when you side it in, you have to make sure the bubble is level and it's correct. That's the bow that John built for me.

It's almost like he wanted to see what he could build too. He wanted to see like each one has a gorilla on the face of it. It's the arrows have Kong on them. But he wanted to build something that was just the most ridiculous thing he's ever shot in his life. And so he built me this thing it's pretty nuts man fucking i don't even know where to start with this stuff like it's just so specific and insane to me well john is the master of specific shit

he's the master at uh all that stuff he's a master at he understands the mechanics of archery better than anybody i've ever talked to in my life. But that's his thing, you know? Some people are golfing, some people are pool. That's his shit. His shit is archery, you know? He's a master. Like when you watch him shoot a bow, it's like, Jesus Christ, like a hundred

yards. Does he hand make the bows too? I mean the arrows? He puts everything together. He cuts the arrows, he weighs them all, puts the inserts in, gl? He puts everything together. Damn. He cuts the arrows. He weighs them all. Puts the inserts in. Glues it. Everything. Everything he does.

And the blades on the arrow. He hand does all that shit. No. You buy those. You have to. Yeah. You buy those. Those are manufactured.

I don't respect them anymore. If he made them, I would respect them. John, I don't respect you now. Now that I know you don't make the fucking blades, I don't respect it. A broadhead is made to very exacting specifications. What are the blades made out of? Mostly steel, sometimes carbon steel. The ones I use right now are carbon steel.

I like them. They're a little bit more expensive, but it's way sharper. It holds an edge better. Can that arrow go through a human being or no? No way. It wouldn't do that. It's nice. It stops right at the door.

Like if we went out there and you shot me with that thing yeah you'd be in a real it'd be a real problem would it go through my body oh 100% yeah for sure all the way through

oh yeah that's tight and like 30 or 40 yards past you that's tight yeah should we try it should me and Jamie

line up oh 100% and do it I would shoot an arrow right through both of you what's the limit do you think with Kong

with like that fucking crazy bow how many buffaloes it's very rare to get a pass through which is when the arrow goes in one side of the animal and out the other on a buffalo like uh most of the time with a buffalo you're just trying to hit the vitals and you get one one inch if if he was using your bow in The Walking Dead, how many zombies at once could he kill? Real talk. That's a real question.

Well, you can just stab them in the head. They're made out of styrofoam. If you were a zombie. You can go through all of them. We could line up every fucking zombie that ever lived. What's your weapon of choice on zombie day? What's your weapon of choice?

I think I like the sword. That girl with the sword, with the samurai sword? Smart. Because I don't have to reload and I just fuck those dudes up. I would just need good cardio and good shoulder endurance. So what I would need is multiple months of kendo training. Go David Lee Roth style, go to Japan.

You know David Lee Roth did that? Went to Japan to train? Learn kendo? No. Yeah, fucking lived there for a year learning kendo. Just learning how to sword fight. That's how badass David Lee Roth is. You're going with swords?

Oh yeah, for zombie swords. What are you doing, Jamie? I don't know if your sword got stuck in a bone and then you're... Are you talking about me, not you? I'm not getting my sword stuck in any fucking zombie bones. Don't talk about his fucking sword, Jamie. I'm going right through these people. I'm saying battle axe.

These dead people. I want battle axe. Oh, battle axe is good. Because I want something with blunt force as well. Do you know what I mean? My worry about the sword is the handle is small. But the thing is, like, a samurai sword is fairly light. You've touched that samurai sword I have at the studio. Yes, yeah. That's an old samurai sword.

It's from the 1500s. It is quite light. I'll cut the fuck out of some zombies with that. I feel like that's the move. I feel like that lady's got the right move. Because that crossbow's nonsense. First of all, he's got field tips, which infuriate me. these little tiny points with no Broadhead at all and it drives out zombie and kills them and he never gets a pass through ever right sticks him in their head He pulls it out and it reloads those things are hard to reload

They're really hard why because there's just so really heavy right like when you put a arrow It's actually called a bolt in a crossbow cuz it's shorter than an arrow. And you have to grab a fucking handle and like click. It takes like 100 pounds to pull it back. Like a lot of people probably don't even know how to do it, and they would have a hard time doing it, like to pull back a crossbow. It's not nearly as easy. Like a bow, you could just pull back. You could just pull back a bow.

But crossbows do look tight as fuck. It's fucking hard to do. Yeah. What's your weapon, Jay? It's unrealistic. I'm thinking. I was getting to like, I don't want to be the same, but I was like, man, a bat would be good, but then like, you're going to, if you don't kill one, you're fucked right away.

Yeah. Bats are heavier than swords. So it's cut. That's what I'm saying. Battle axe for me, because you get the blunt and you get the sharp, you get this sharp edge that you can still continue to sharpen and cut people up with. Maybe. The only other thing I think would be fun would be like nunchucks would be fun as fuck.

Nunchucks and zombies. They have to get so close to you, though. If they bit you, then you become a zombie. Not because you fucking smack them. You hit them once, and you can fucking choke them out with the fucking nunchuck. If you're sadistic and you want to have some fun. Because killing zombies must get old. You must want to kill them different at some point.

Right. You have to change how you kill. Especially after you get good at it. That's what I'm saying. So, by the way, they're so slow and lethargic, they're not getting that close enough to bite you. It's like playing that first level of Pac-Man forever. Right. The one that everybody gets through?

Yeah, before it gets crazy. Right, before it gets insane. That's what it's like. It's too easy. You're not worried about anything in that. Never worried about them. That's my point. Once you learn how to kill. Well, then why did they get worried in the walking i stopped

watching it like you start worrying about people not the zombies right they're not worried about zombies we're talking about in our fucking world i know i know i know yeah yeah that's what the walking dead that's when i quit watching it it became murder porn it was people murdering people yeah it was just how do you kill different yeah it's just like you weren't killing zombies anymore it wasn't like you got to get from zombies. Now it's like these interpersonal relationships. You know, this lady's pregnant or she watches her husband get killed with a bat in front of her

and it's like, what the fuck am I watching? It's insane about zombies anymore. No, the zombie shit, you'd have to find fun ways to fuck them up. That's why I thought, what was that, why can't, Zombieland was so fucking great. The Walking Dead was great for two seasons yeah those first two seasons are really fucking and you know what else is really fucking good the

first episode of enter the walking dead or whatever the la version is it was uh what's it called fear of the walking dead that's right i'm thinking enter the dragon fear of the walking dead is really good man first season's really fucking good because it feels real. And I think it's maybe even better written. I think maybe even better acted or better directed or something. It feels more artistic. Sure. The fear of The Walking Dead is really good. But even I got bored after a while.

I'm like, I get it. Your life sucks. Your life sucks. You don't want to be a zombie. But TV shows, honestly, that's why I like British TV shows are so successful when they do three seasons. Two or three seasons is kind of this weird sweet spot the BBC figured it out

years ago we get greedy over here well we want the money we want the well because this this thing with the network thing that we did in Hollywood was like

seven seasons and a movie and then you get syndication and a hundred episodes it was money how can we you know what show is still at the same quality all these years in

Modern Family well yeah I mean they're done now but but yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah. They made 10 years of great TV. I think it's 11. Maybe 11, yeah. I think they had 11 seasons.

Dude, it's so good. My family's into it. Yeah, it's a good show. We watch it with the kids before they go to sleep because it's appropriate. You can actually watch it with a 10-year-old and you don't cringe too much. Yeah. Yeah, there's not too many moments. Because it's ABC

actually the only thing I would say long lasting comparable is always sunny is fucking great I never got into that I never watched it still a great show yeah I'm buddies with McElhaney on there and he's it's great fucking TV it's funny as fuck they still make funny relevant shit it's hilarious and they've been on there for

13 years I don't know I still think it's just as funny as it was when I first saw it the first couple of times. Wow. You'd love it, bro. I'm sure. It's a fucking great show. It's almost like there's too much good shit to watch. It's been on since 2005.

Sonny? It's still on? Yeah. It's still August 4th, 2005. They just got renewed by FX for three more seasons. So, what? Yeah. That's crazy.

But, I mean, like, Charlie Day is an outright star too so it's like 16 years they've been on for 16 years it's 14 seasons they might have taken you know a couple months extra time off yeah right um but they're all good else is fucking amazing Schitt's Creek oh yeah he's great well I know Dan dude do you know what's so funny about that I was at a party which guy's Dan the son the son yeah yeah, yeah. The son. Eugene's son. Right. Okay. I met Dan through a bunch of Canadian actors that I knew because these motherfuckers, they all know each other.

Canadians? They do. They all know each other. They love each other so much. They all know each other. They're so proud. He says to me, he says, yeah, I got this. We sold this TV show and I'm going to make this TV show with my father.

This is like right before it happened. And my wife and I were at a party with a bunch of different people. I was like, oh, that's great, man. You know, I was like, I'm not trying to be annoying, but like, I love your dad. Like Eugene Levy, I fucking think he's brilliant.

You know, and like all those movies I love, you know, like fucking Mighty Wind. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's incredible. He's incredible. I mean, actually my favorite thing that he ever did was Best in Show.

Oh, it's fucking hilarious. The best line he ever had that made me have tears. I had tears in my eyes as he goes, he's like, he's got these big teeth and he's interviewing and he's like, well, you know, in high school, you know, they call me loopy, you know, because they said I couldn't dance. I had two left feet. And then the camera slowly pans down and he actually, he goes, and I do. I have two left.

I actually was born, unfortunately, with two left feet. It was just such a fucking perfect CCTV Canadian comedy. I mean, like, they were so good at that, all those guys. It was just so specific and weird and quirky. But anyway, he said, I'm making a show with my dad. And I thought, good luck, man. I hope it does well. Sure enough, it's like nine Emmys or whatever. No, I just thought maybe it'll be funny whatever fun show he does with that it's become the most i mean how

many fucking awards is that so they ended that too yeah yeah well but but but like so good on a good note i mean i think they went out their way they well yeah well you know what they did they never were inconsistent it was a funny show man the entire yeah the entirety of the run of the show and and uh katherine o'hara i mean fucking amazing everybody the whole yeah the entirety of the run of the show and and Catherine O'Hara I mean fucking everybody the whole cast she came to see me at the improv shut the fuck up Yeah, dude change my because Hollywood. Yeah, the Hollywood improv year. This is probably uh, I Don't even know six six years ago something like that. She's trying to bang some dude

I like you she's trying to bang me and I said no way no way lady No, she came too much of a fan. She came? She was trying to bang me. And I said, no way. No way, lady. I'm too much of a fan. She came to watch. She wanted to see me. And I just, I was blown away because I was like, oh man,

I've just liked you for so many years. I mean like, she's iconic. She's a mother in Home Alone. Home Alone. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

She's iconic as fuck. She's been in how many fucking great movies? I mean, too many. Wasn't she in Nightmare Before Christmas? She was in Beethoven.

Beethoven, fuck. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice, yeah. Beetlejuice. That's right. She was so good in that. Was she one of the voices in Nightmare Before Christmas? I don't know. You know what it is? I think I saw her do the reenactment. They do a reenactment of Nightmare Before Christmas at the Hollywood Bowl. Yes. I think she was in that.

She does that, yeah. Yeah. By the way, rest in peace. Fucking who knows when the Hollywood Bowl is going to come back. Well, apparently the store is back. I got a text. They're going to do- Literally today. They're going to do shows.

We should shout it out and let everybody know because I think it's almost sold out. But I think you have to have a COVID test. Do you? Yes. I got a text from a bunch of different people saying they're back next week, I think, or this week. Maybe, what is it? Yeah, no, this week.

She is in that, by the way. What? She is. She has the voice. Yeah, she has the voice. Because I definitely saw her at the Hollywood Bowl thing. No, she- So the store has one show I think is already sold out.

Another show is beginning to- You have to have either vaccination, proof of vaccination, or you have to have a negative COVID test and you have to wear a mask. And once a certain amount of time has passed, the show is closed. You can't go and watch. Not like the old days where you come and go and come and go. Exactly. They're not going to do that. They're going to have it locked down.

But we will be back to that point. I think the idea is like they probably are appeasing whatever regulations the city's put on them. Yeah, but whatever LA fucking, yeah. LA's got well, because LA County's different. Orange County has whole different rules, right? I just played Brea and that was half cap, I think.

And Brea's, Orange County's its own. I don't even know if they're Orange County. They're, what's Inland? I don't even know what Brea, whatever. Whatever it is. But like they all have their own fucking thing. So LA County has its own. I don't even know if they're Orange County. They're, what's Inland? What is, I don't even know a break, whatever. Whatever it is. But like, they all have their own fucking thing. So LA County has its own shit and they're. Different tiers.

Different tiers. Statewide tiers. So Brea is half capacity. That's not bad. Brea was half cap. Orange County is same thing, is half cap down there. So like Irvine, Irvine Improv, half cap. Half cap.

Yeah, they're all open now. They just opened last week. The Paramount out here, they're all open now. They just opened last week. They do the Paramount out here. They only do one third. I know. But that's their own business. It's their thing. They can do that if they want.

It's not a city ordinance or a state ordinance. It's them. Yeah. Right. Like I'm going, this weekend I'm going to Dallas, Addison. Bitch, where are you going? Addison Improv, baby. Isn't that wide open? They're open. They're open. They're almost full cap, Iison. Bitch, where you going? Addison Improv, baby. Isn't that wide open?

They're open. They're open. They're almost full cap, I think. I think. I'm not positive. They can be full cap if they want to. I think they are. I do them and then I do Houston in a couple of months too,

and they're both. It's funny how many people are resisting the idea of opening things up, resisting the idea of giving people the option to go if they want to go. And they're worried about this big spread that hasn't happened in the places where they've opened things up. Because if you go to Florida- Yeah, it's open. They were worried the spread was going to happen. It was going to happen. It's going to happen. It didn't happen. They were worried about Texas when the governor opened up Texas. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. But it didn't happen. When do we adjust to the fact that it didn't happen. Like, when do we adjust to the fact that it didn't happen? Well, I made an Instagram story the other day.

Joe Biden put up an Instagram post that was like, if you're fully vaxxed, you don't have to wear a mask outside anymore. It's like, yeah, no shit. What the fuck? Is this the message that we're—yeah. It's so dumb. You don't have to wear a mask anyway. The CDC is saying that it's—what are they doing about the recommendations for masks? Anyway, Sean Baker, who's the guy

who's a doctor, who's an orthopedic surgeon, who's one of these proponents of the carnivore diet, so a lot of his posts are very macho and this kind of shit. So he has Joe Biden. Eat meat, fuck chicks. Go to Sean Baker's Instagram, please.

He has a photo of Joe Biden's tweet saying that if you are vaccinated, you can go outside with no mask. That's what I'm saying. And he writes underneath it, our ancestors used to hunt woolly mammoths. With their fucking hands. There it is right there. There was a time when humans hunted mammoths. Yeah, it's insane. Fully vaccinated people can go outdoors without a mask by the government.

By the way, if I see you in your car alone wearing a mask, you deserve to die. How about gloves on? What is wrong with you? Mask with gloves on. Dude, I'm precautionary and safe i told you i got the fucking vax i'm gonna fucking get the vax i want to be safe and do the right thing after you got the vid a hundred percent i got covid and i got the vax i'm doubling down but i just in my opinion i know the logic loss is weird like i run in my neighborhood and i've

said this before people sometimes do this thing to me i've gotten this like a fuck you because i'm not wearing a mask yeah i'm running outside my neighborhood i mean you know i'm not saying where i live but like no one is fucking near me dude i'm running outside by myself like but if you don't have a mask on they'll yell at you sometimes i get a few people that give me looks and you're like are you out of your fucking mind this isn't contagion dude you can't throw it through the sky to people. Exactly. Like, I have to be close to you all the time with spit transfer. By the way, you know what my theory was?

Young kids were fucking. You know why Corona was going around heavily? I think because young people were fucking. They weren't stopping. Well, you lock them in doors. They're fucking. But I'm saying, it's spreading. No, no, no.

I'm saying people that are single were still hooking up. This idea that people weren't going out and fucking and hooking up, they were. It's not that you bumped into someone at a grocery store. It's that people were out fucking. Wow. That's what I think. Maybe. People were out, Jamie was out fucking, that's how he got it.

How did you get it, Jamie, if you weren't out fucking? I don't know. Come on, man, don't blow up a spot. Jamie, no, I'm going to fucking atom bomb your shit. How did you get it, Jay? I have no idea. Well, for sure, people got it. He was out fucking, look at him smiling.

Trying to feed their families. Andrew Santino just working somewhere. That's the most. On top of each other. Yeah, that's the most people. Stacked in a warehouse somewhere. Making Teslas. But Jamie got it from fucking, look at him smirking.

Speaking of which, I'm not going to let that go that he got you the Tesla and you lied to me earlier in the show. I'm not going to fucking let that go, Jamie. No way. He didn't lie. He just didn't tell you, Jamie. No way. He didn't lie. He just didn't tell you. He didn't ask. He didn't say. He said, what kind did you get?

I said, we got the Monalex. Jamie, we walked around the studio. I said, you bought the Monalex, huh? No, you said, what kind did you get? Liar. I said, we got the Monalex. Don't do this in front of Joe just because Papa Joe is here. Don't do that.

Don't do that in front of Joe, Jamie. You know better. Also, we got to have, Jamie, you and I got to have our hoop game. That's why I said said where's the hoop oh yeah a three point shootout don't do it Tom Segura and break your arm and leg

please I'm not that guy you know how much more look hey athletically don't compare me to Tom Segura okay

what if Tom Segura heals up and beats you in a one on one and what put some money on it and I guarantee that's not gonna happen there's no chance

how much time do you give him to recover from his fucking catastrophic injuries whatever he needs he needs a couple of years I'm gonna hit him one-on-one. I'm easily going to beat.

I love Tom. I'm going to beat him one-on-one. Horse is a tricky game. He knows. Because honestly, hey, Joe, that's like saying, anybody can hit some fucking really good accidental shots. One-on-one is way more of a skill set. Right, though?

Horse is like, people could beat you in horse that you're better than, it's just you missed the jump shot that they made. Or a trick shot that they made. That's a trick shot competition. That's not fair. Does he sound scared? No, but he knows. Go ahead and say it. Say the truth. You know that. Jamie, don't you feel like

you could beat Santino in horse? Maybe. No one plays horse. See, that's what I'm saying. I don't want to play him in horse. Maybe. No one plays horse. See, that's what I'm saying. I don't want to play him in horse. I play with my kids. They love horse. I give them extra letters sometimes.

Just for free? They get angry. Give them a couple of R's and H's? Give them a couple of extra ones. You got an H. Back it up a little. Well, I mean, so to be fair in this, Tom and Bert couldn't win two on one against someone in the day that they were playing.

Against T-Jazz. Oh, but that dude Jazz? That guy is fucking legit though. And look at how fat Bert is. Look at that. That's ridiculous. Bert looks like a gnome with that fucking beanie on inside. What is he doing? That dude is a really good basketball player too. He's legit. He's hilarious on YouTube. Yeah, he's legit. When he makes fun

of people, dunks on them. Oh, they get mad at him. They get actually upset. Bert and Tom did? No, no, no, no. The people that he beats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They get pissed off. You and Tom did? No, no, no, no. The people that he beats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get pissed off. You know why? They get really mad.

Because some fucking, some little skinny, tiny white dude comes in and shits on everybody. With some silly hair. Yeah. They get this goofy ass white dude out of here. He's good. No, he's legit. He's very good. He's very good.

It's funny to watch people think he's not good and watch him school them. Shit on him. Oh, my God. You see the look on their face when they're realizing they're getting humiliated in front of their friends and it's going to be on YouTube and then they really panic.

Well, the professor, you know him. The professor. Do you know this kid? So there used to be a thing called the And One Mixtape. And One, the old basketball company.

They made shoes and shorts and clothes. They were, at the time, what was that? What year was that? The early 2000s? I mean, it was fucking huge and they did live events. I mean, these guys were celebrities.

And it was like the Carlin Globetrotters of our generation. In the sense that they would fucking shake up people. He actually just did what we're talking about right now. He put those up two days ago. He did Mike Blythe. He dorked out. This kid is a fucking, he is legit. He is legit. And he shows up.

Shows up with a backpack on. He played basketball? Yeah. Well, he's playing it up a little bit too much, but yes, then when he shows up, he shows out. Look, he'll just shit on people. Whoop. He's legit. Oh, that's hilarious, and he's doing all this with a backpack on. Yeah, he'll cross over people with a backpack. And over the last 15 years or so, he's gotten really famous in the basketball world.

So they know who he is. He shows up on a court. Oh, 100%. Look at that pass. Wow. He's really good. Oh, he's so good. Nerd breaks ankles and exposes hoopers in the hood.

Right. This is, that's a YouTube clickbait bullshit. But the truth is he's actually unbelievably talented. Like this. Watch him cross this dude. Whoop. Whoop. Oh, right through your fucking legs.

Made him fall. And then he hits the fucking tree. Look at his face. What the fuck just happened? Yeah, the professor's legit, man. This kid is fucking awesome. I love watching this shit. It's an interesting culture of these guys who pretend to not be good and then film things

on YouTube. Shitting on people. You know? Well, just that kind of thing. Well, because you know what? For years, he did, I guarantee you, he would show up to court and be like, get this fucking Well, just that kind of thing. Well, because you know what? For years, I guarantee you he knew he would show up to court and be like, get this fucking skinny ass white bitch out of here. And he would show up, so he's

like, oh, I'll play into that. That's what White Men Can't Jump is. Yeah. That's right. That's the whole movie. That's right. By the way, they're trying to remake that movie right now. Don't do that. Please leave this shit alone. Can we leave these fucking things alone? Or make it again with Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson

and have them be old men. By the way, Joe, you're writing the Hollywood movie. What they do is they go they're the dads and they're kids. That's what they do. Michael B. Jordan. I don't like that. That's the problem. Hollywood fucks it up.

You want to see these old dudes with bad hips trying to play basketball. Shaking young dudes up. And hustling other old dudes and have some weird fucking dynamic play out where they didn't have a good relationship with their wife, but they really do love her. They try to get her back. She's got to get on Jeopardy. That was the best, right?

What is a quince? I love when she was studying. When Rosie Perez was studying for Jeopardy. That's right. It was so funny. That's what her goal Perez was studying for Jeopardy. That's right. It was so funny. That's what her goal was to get on Jeopardy to win. She's a giant boxing fan. Rosie Perez?

Huge. Really? Can comment on boxing. She's educated. Did she ever date a boxer? I don't know. Why do you have to go right to dating? She can't just be a woman who likes boxing.

Joe, don't fucking gaslight me. Did she know a guy who knows how to drive a car? How did she learn how to be a woman who likes boxing don't fucking gaslight me did she know a guy who knows how to drive a car how did she learn how to drive a car how many women love boxing like that get real very few how Rosie Perez became the first lady of boxing yeah that's a sexist fucking headline by the way why does she have to be the first lady

why can't she be the president of boxing are you assuming a woman can see you can bury anybody with fucking anything. You definitely can bury anybody. Yeah, you can. You can just make that. You just make it up. You go, why did you say it that way?

You're like, oh, God. Welcome to my world. That's what they do with me. That's clickbait. Yeah, but you know what? You get what you get, Joe. I get what I deserve. You get what you deserve.

I get what I deserve. You're too big. You're too popular. You're too well off. I agree. That's what you get. Yeah, listen, I'm not complaining about it. Retract everything you've ever said. Say I'm not retract everything you've ever said say I retract everything I've ever said even the good stuff but think about what I said at the beginning of the show we

were talking about all this recent controversy I'm like I get it I would do the same thing I know what you're doing right you make sense right I don't hate people for doing their jobs it's like that's what you're doing it's a part of the game it's a part of the game but you're also willing to admit when you say something that's incorrect in your opinion like even that's what you're doing. It's a part of the game. It's a part of the game. But you're also willing to admit when you say something that's incorrect in your opinion. Like, even if you think, the problem is, you're willing to say, oh, I didn't, I was wrong, or maybe I wasn't correctly informed. The issue is, nobody wants to do that anymore. Nobody wants to say, hey, I guess I was fucking wrong. I guess I was fucked up.

There's a little bit of that, but there's also an issue in the art form itself, because the art form seems permanent, but it's transient, right? So things are recorded, and they're put into a Spotify file, an episode X number, whatever the fuck it is, from April of 2021. It seems like a permanent thing, but it's really a transient conversation that gets recorded. It's a moment in time. It's a moment in time. It is a moment in time.

And these things that they take out, that's what's fascinating to me as an observer, not just the person who's embroiled in the controversy and the target of people's hatred and anger when something like this goes down. What's fascinating to me is that it really is just this transient moment, but it's recorded So then you have to think like okay. I have to be real careful with what I say Yeah, because even though I'm talking shit off the top of my head It's gonna be recorded and people gonna take it and put it in print as if this is a well thought-out and well-constructed Sentence which clearly not right like no the shit

I say on this is really well thought out or constructed, unless it is. Unless it's something that's like important that I have to talk about. Well, it's meaningful to you. Sometimes. Sometimes uneven. You're freestyling and making an album. I don't even know what I'm about to say right now.

How about that? I don't know what the next word is going to be, right? Neither do you. Right. That's part of the point. It's like when you see it written down, you're like, oh, he said this. Right. That's part of the point.

It's like when you see it written down, you're like, oh, he said this. Like if someone says to me, well, that doesn't make sense because of X, I'll go, oh, okay. Like I'm not married to my ideas. If I don't agree with you, I'll debate them. I'll argue them. But if you show me that something I said is either incorrect or misinformed, I'm the first person. I don't, that's not mine. This is just an idea. It's not me.

It might be mine in the sense that I adopted it and expressed it, but if so, I don't take it personally. I'm not personally involved in that idea. If I'm wrong, I'll tell you I'm wrong. I think that one of the problems with podcasting is not everybody does it this way, too. Some people, they sit down and they plan their podcasts out and they have these musical interludes and, you know, they like background music and it's scripted. Right. This is very different than that.

Off the cuff. This is shit talking. Right. It's odd that this is what resonates. That's what's odd. Because this is what happens when people aren't home. When they're talking shit. This is what resonates. That's what's odd. Because this is what happens when people are at home. When they're talking shit. This is what people do.

And if they really know that you actually do just have a fucking voice. You don't have an on-air voice or an off. You say stupid shit. And then you say, whoops. Yeah. That's. That's what we do. But there's a thing to that.

There's like a thing to that where like you can't necessarily recreate it. And some people get angry. They get angry that they can't do it. You know, they get angry that their job doesn't allow that kind of thinking and talking. Freedom, right. Yeah. Freedom is the thing.

You can't talk shit. No, if your job doesn't allow any semblance of freedom, it's easy to get angry at freedom. Ironically enough, we're a country that's built on the idea that we should all be free, yet we're scared of how free you can be. That's a weird thing. Well, we also don't like when other people are free and we're not can be. That's a weird thing. Well, we also don't like when other people are free and we're not.

Right. That's very frustrating. Right. Because everybody really should be free to talk shit, but you can't. And talking shit for men, here's the thing. I think the last time they did an analysis in my audience, it was 84% men. I just did it today. It was 96.4.

It's pretty nuts, right? It's all men. Yeah. Men like talking shit all right yeah men like talking shit yeah we're yeah we like talking shit and we don't always mean what we say but women like talking shit too they do but they talk shit in a mean way yeah they're mean they're like reputation destroyers fucking mean they're mean they'll talk some shit about you and say some shit that cuts your core guys are like look at this dumb fucking shirt yeah we just like talk we just like talking basic uh caveman women fake orgasms and then tell their friends yeah i faked it that guy sucked i faked it they fake it oh yeah you did so big baby you know what you know what let's take it back joe

guys are gonna start faking orgasms we're faking it on you girls we're faking it how would we do that that that's an antithesis of everything that means man. We need the power, Joe. We need the power back. That's not how you get the power. We need to fake it and get the power. That's not how you get the power. It doesn't work that way. How do you get the power? I don't know.

Yeah, we don't fucking know. I think you get the power by not thinking about how you get the power. And then it just happens? Yeah, because I think if you think about, you got to think about what you're doing and just do what you're doing. I think if you think about how I get the power, then it's like a slippery fish that you can't quite grab. You come real close.

Right. You never quite get it. It's never going to happen. Even if you do get it, they'll take it away from you. Just slip away. Well, somebody else wants to eat that fish. Slip away. Someone with talons will grab your fish.

Some eagle. Some raptor motherfucker. Slip away. That's one of my favorite Clarence Carter songs. By the way, shout out to Clarence Carter songs by the way shout out to Clarence Carter and Warren Zevon that we talked

about earlier fuck that album is so good you know what my favorite Warren Zevon song is? not werewolves

rolling the headless that's a good song the full title is the Thompson Gunner right? rolling the headless Thompson Gunner

is that what it is? tell me I'm wrong rolling the head the Thompson Gunner, right? Rolling the Headless Thompson Gunner. Is that what it is? Tell me I'm wrong. Rolling the Headless Thompson Gunner. By the way, the story that he writes in that. Let me see that out. See if you pull up that album. See, there was a bunch of great songs in that album. Oh, dude.

I'm not going to remember unless I see the track list. I can tell you right now. Hold on. Wait. I remember when he was on Letterman, when he was dying of lung cancer. Dude, I was just going to say, you want to cry? It makes me cry when he says to Dave, we've been friends for a long time. And he's like, this might be the last time you see me doing this show.

So, you know, I just want to play a couple. And you can feel their friendship superseded the show. Dude, the show didn't even exist. It was almost like the cameras were gone. The audience was gone. He was playing for Dave because they had been longtime friends.

There was something so fucking deep about that. If anybody wants to fucking have an emotional afternoon, go watch him on Letterman with his final appearance. How crazy was that? By the way, that album,

by the way, the name of the album is what? You wanted to guess. I was going to ask you. Hold on, hold on. It's because it's something reminiscent of knowing it's his last time on earth.

Like the name of the album is almost like this is my goodbye. It's like a. That's the last one? It's the name of the track also. Yeah, it is the name of the song. It's fuck off, dude. Booze and weed. Warren Z-Bomb fans right now, they're like.

Excitable boy. Excitable boy. Oh, that was a great one. And he talks to fucking by the way Vera Cruz is one of my favorite songs by far one of the best ones on the album

he talks to Album he's just an excitable boy he talks to he talks to Letterman about saying that it was like return to his childhood because he was done you know

he's done developing as a man oh man that interview fucking gets me every time yeah because you know I mean he died shortly after, right? It was like him. You know it was real. Just him saying goodbye.

Yeah, this is great, dude. Yeah. He talks about cancer on a comedy show, and he still gets laughs, dude. He talks about having terminal cancer. Do you watch Letterman's Netflix show? I tried. No. No. No, I'm not going to lie to you.

I tried, and then my wife and I made it through like five minutes apiece. What's wrong with it? It's like why I didn't want to watch Michael Jordan play for the Wizards. Do you know what I mean? I was like, I kind of want to see you come back, dude. Why are you coming back? I loved you. Letterman was my, like Carson, I used to sneak out of my crib as a kid and watch Carson.

My mom would catch me eating food watching Carson. I used to love sneaking out of my room and turning on the TV, the fucking old knob TV. I remember sitting in our apartment staring at the television watching Carson. I was obsessed with this rhythm that happened. And then Letterman to me was like Carson that I loved when I was a kid. Something about it clicked for me humor-wise and rhythm-wise. When he came back and did the Netflix show, it felt like, for lack of a better way to explain, it felt like a guy taking a big check from a thing to do the thing that he was already done doing.

That's all. It was like, oh, you already did this. You don't need to do this anymore. Did it feel weird because it was on Netflixflix is it like yes the stage was too big why am i in a theater it should have been in a cool black box room right it should have been in a black box room just him him and the person yeah yeah maybe hey maybe a small audience however but just the audience is weird just make it intimate because i wanted to feel that you guys were for each other, not for. Look, you and I know that people are hundreds, thousands, millions of people can see this thing.

But when it's physical and you can feel that people are watching it like he feels live, the guests know they're live with an audience. You react different to a live audience. Yeah, we do. We do different shit. So I just wish it was more contained and more beautiful and small it's why jerry got it right with comedians in cars truly because he was like i'll just me and you will go out have a coffee and sit in the car and fuck around i like that i it made sense well it's also jerry has a real legitimate love of cars comedy in cars the only two things he cares about

yeah so when you see him driving those cars and talking about the amount of cylinders and the horsepower. The passion. Yeah. It's like Jay Leno. Same thing. Like, Jay Leno does his best work on Jay Leno's garage. His garage is fucking great. It's not a garage. It's many garages. No, I mean the show, Jay Leno's Garage. It's great. His garage,

you should go, because it's bonkers. Well, text him for me, because I don't know. I would love to go. You walk around and you're like, what in the fuck is this place? It so crazy he has hundreds of cars and he has cars that are like made it they like jet engines and steam engines and tractor wheels and shit like they're nuts like he just he loves them all it's not like bob's big boy on ventura yeah by the studio and just i think for the car shows yeah they had a You know, they do this thing in Southern California. Well, they do it, I think, in a lot of places. Cars and coffee. Yeah. And the guys come down

like their old, you know, Nova and the guys look at it. Chevelles and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even new cars, like newer, weirder cars. Like Challengers and Chargers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For real. I know. People bring those. Of course. But it's a thing where, like, car guys, they get to, to like say, oh, how long have you been

working on this? Like, what do you got going on? And they'll show you all the weird shit they're doing with their cars, you know? It's not even cars that people necessarily drive. It's cars that people just- Show cars. Yeah, they're having fun with it. It's like other, it's like a lot of different things that people get into that only other

people that are into that thing would appreciate. Correct. And then other people on the outside are like, why the fuck do you waste your – my neighbor hand builds – I mean, he hand builds cars and he hand builds boats, and he's a fucking impressive dude. This dude, this old British dude, he's the best. And I'll come home sometimes, and he'll be like – he's an old British dude. He's like, pop over for a drink.

And I'm like, I can't, dude. I got to – and he's like, it's one drink. And I'm like, but it's never – and he's like, pop over for a drink. And I'm like, I can't, dude. I got to. And he's like, it's one drink. And I'm like, but it's never. And he's like, come on. Dude, we'll go in the backyard. We'll be fucking tanked. It'll be nine o'clock. I'll have been drinking for fucking four hours with him.

But he'll talk to me about hand rebuilding cars. And he knows that I'm not smart enough to understand it. But he'll build, you know, he rebuilt an old Rolls Royce, an MG. Wow. By hand. Completely by hand. My uncle had an MG with a wooden frame. So sexy.

MGs are such cool old school cars. It was the weirdest old car. Yeah. The door felt like it was made out of nothing. Right. It was chunk. It's like paper. It was a convertible, a little like Roadster.

It's this old MG. Because MGs used to still have, for the long time, they had still kit cars that you could buy and build completely from scratch with a lot of cars, companies, you know, they don't. I know you build a fucking Corvette. Corvette, yeah. They're like, we don't trust you. Can you imagine? They give you a kit to build a Corvette.

Here, you could buy it for this amount of money or you could buy it for half that price and you put it together yourself. Every Joe Schmo is like, I'll fucking do it. I know how to turn a wrench. You don't think I know how to build a car, dude? Imagine if they did that but they had a legitimate Chevrolet inspector would come to your house and make sure you did it. Before

you drive, I have to come see. Yeah, before they give you the key. They give you everything but the key. That's actually really smart. That's actually a great bit, and they film it. It'd be a great show to show up to a kid car guy's house, right? Yeah. And before you get the key, you have to prove that it passes inspection for the car.

We have to fucking make sure this thing doesn't fall apart when you hit the highway. I think that'd be a great fun. It's not a bad idea. I would love to see that. Those shows are great. I used to love those overhauling, those kind of shows. My friend Bud used to produce those, you know, Chris Jacobs He's one of the guys that was on that. Yeah. Yeah, he's a friend of mine. Oh, I know that he's fucking awesome

I met that guy way back in the day CJ's great. Yeah, he's a car freak I mean, yeah, there's not a there's not a question about a car that he doesn't know the answer to yeah That's like scary that show was a legit car freaks paradise Yeah, it would take these old cars and fix them and make them look fucking awesome man yeah i love all those old car shows where they fix up cars there's i mean they're still they're still there's still such a big market for that that's will continue that's hard to die even when cars go all electric and we all do this elon thing that you guys are pushing we're all they're still going to be, car people will always exist of like the intensity of rebuilding. Until kids come

along. These Uber kids today, they don't give a fuck about cars. Well, some. I think some do. It depends on where we are in the country. I think it's way less. I think it's going out like the game pool. You think it's pool and cars are gone? It's going out. It's going out like bowling. It's just no one gives a shit. These kids are Ubering everywhere. Yeah, I know.

It's sad. It's the only, honestly. Is it sad though? The only reason it's good for me is when I drink and get high. Then I love Uber. Oh yeah. But when I'm not drunken stoned,

fuck, I love driving. I do too. Ride shares are nice though. It's nice that you could be somewhere and just like pull up your phone. Convenience is fucking key. It's amazing.

It's great. But you know, you don't even know who that person is. If you're a chick and you get in this guy's car. that's creepy. Yeah, man. By the way, have you seen how many fucking Uber drivers have gotten like beat up? It's great, but you know you don't know who that person is if you're a chick and you get a car creepy By the way have you seen how many fucking uber drivers have gotten like beat up? It's like becoming a new trend of like them filming that guy that got smoked in the face by that chick What they were arguing is I get out of the fucking car

She just fucking wrapped around started punching him in the fucking head. Yeah, because people get in these cars blacked out Yeah, that's the biggest fear to me is like as a driver I would be nervous some blacked out dude's gonna get in these cars blacked out. Yeah. That's the biggest fear to me is like, as a driver, I would be nervous some blacked out dude's going to get in and just cock me. They should have breathalyzers for if you can get in my Uber. Blow before you get in. Let me see what you got there. 2.6.

Get the fuck out of here. You're going to die. You're going to die in my car. Get the fuck out. It's 0.8, you piece of shit. But he's speaking eloquently. He's like, sir, I just need to go to my home. I just don't have a vehicle this evening.

I'm on amphetamines, and they're keeping the alcohol from hitting. He's like, sir, the cocaine is actually calming down the alcohol. I'm not that drunk right now. Everyone's fine. Everyone's fine. We're all fine. Yeah, fucking, I just, the car thing will never die. No.

But it is sad that it is, I think, well, you know, my old man worked for Turtle for turtle wax for years and people don't wash their cars anymore. Nobody washes a car Why don't they wash their car? I wash my car. Yeah, you're yeah you because you have the time and the convenience and you occasionally I wash my car. I usually pay people to do it. I'm gonna be honest. That's my point. But I do have car wash materials in my my my garage. Most Americans go to car washes now. Nobody washes their car anymore. Oh you go to the drive-thru one? People go to yeah I mean I still wash my car and I always get a comment from one of my neighbors. I wash it sometimes. I do.

I love it. I like getting in there. I love it. But I get a comment from a neighbor always. Come outside and be like, hey, you going to do mine next? I'm like, no. No. Fucking no.

You're so funny, Tommy. No, I'm not washing your Chevy Malibu, Mike. Just throw that through the fucking. Yeah, got me. Yeah, why do you even wash that piece of shit? Yeah, I'm not washing your Chevy Malibu, Mike. Just throw that through the fucking... Yeah, got me. Yeah, why do you even wash that piece of shit? Yeah, I'm going to light it on fire. I'll wash it up for you. When you see people with gross cars and they just wash them, like, what are you doing?

So mean, Joe. Some people can't afford nice cars. That's what I mean. You have like a fucking shit box. Oh, you mean like, not the brand. You just mean it's a piece of shit. It's a piece of shit. Right, broken down.

Barely hanging on. Don't wash it. all fucking bondoed up and primer everywhere. Duct tape on the bumper. Why are you washing that? Just drive. Drive till it's dead. I've had one of those before. Just drive. Me too.

I had a bunch of them. Hyundai Sonata, baby. Oh, did you? Had a busted up Hyundai Sonata. You know what's interesting, man? Hyundai has done a fucking fantastic job with this Genesis line. Great car company. They keep making them better and better and better.

Yeah. They have this new Genesis coupe. I think it might be either a hybrid or it's electric. I think it's a hybrid. I looked at it. I was like, Jesus Christ, that's like one of the best looking cars you can buy. Yeah. For a couple of years, Eric Griffin only would drive the Genesis.

And I was like, why do you like this? I got in it and took a ride. It's a fucking beautiful car. Comparable to Lexus or Mercedes. Mercedes is their competitor, yeah. Interior, like, everything is, like, top notch. But they'll sell it to you 10 grand less. At least. 15 grand less, yeah.

The Mercedes tag is what's up with it. They're moving up, though. The Genesis G70. That's a nice one. No, but there's a coupe. See if you have some other photos of that, though. God damn, that looks good. Look at that one. That's a sexy fucking car. Bro, if you told me that was an Audi or an Acura or a fucking BMW, I'd be like, I like it.

I kind of like it a lot better than some of the BMWs now. Like the M4 and the M3. BMW fucked up on their front grill. What did they do with that fucked up front grill? That's it. That's a bad bitch. G80. Genesis G80.

Look how beautiful that is. What do those go for, Jamie? What does it say down below? Very reasonable. Like 65, something like that? 47 it says. What? 47,000?

Fuck, 48. 48,000. That's the SUV. That's the SUV, right. That's what I just clicked on. Oh, it is the same car. That was the same car from the first photo? No.

Really? Go to the other photo. So the G80, it's an SUV? No. Oh, that's the G70 from the first photo? No. Really? Go to the other photo. So the G80's a, it's a SUV? No. Oh, that's a G70 and the G80's, is that a SUV? That one. That one. That's not an SUV.

Hey, it says G80. I clicked on, oh, GV80. Hey, Jamie? You don't even read. Watch the fucking attitude, dude. Watch your goddamn attitude. The G80's that one. Look how sick that back end looks.

300 horses, 300 horses, not bad. That's terrible. Yeah, not bad, not bad. Makes me sad. For one. Look how sick that back end looks. 300 horses. 300 horses is not bad. That's terrible. Yeah, not bad. Not bad. Makes me sad. For that kind of car, it's not bad. Now I want more money.

Yeah, I know. See, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, just let me pay more. Give me some real fucking horsepower. Let me tell you who fucked up. BMW fucked up by changing the grille on those things. They slipped up so bad. That M3 and M4.

Look, dude, I have a 2005 M3. I'm a giant M3 fan. Those are great cars. I've had four M3s in my lifetime. I love them. I would never buy one of those. The new one. Yeah, look at that grill.

Yuck. I say that, but if I drove it, I'd probably be like, okay, I'm all in. I don't know. I think AMG is still beating M right now. Maybe it's like a grow on you thing. Let me see some face. I don't think so, man. Let me see some more images of it. I just, man. Let me see some more images of it.

Give me some images of it. Go online. No thanks. I just don't like it, man. Give me some images. I can't believe they did that. Why would they do that? I'll tell you exactly why. It's because of the foreign market. The Asian market loves that look. They love that big grill look? Super popular.

Yeah, it's super popular there. It does way better there. They sell way more cars than they do here. Maybe it looks good in real life. No, I disagree. I've seen a few of them in LA, and I do not like them. Go in the left pictures, Jamie, the third one down. Third one down. That is a very ugly car to me.

You guys shit the bed. That's the M5? No! No, that's the 3. That's the 3, the 4-door 3. Oh, God. What's the M5 look like? They didn't fuck that up, though, right?

No, they did not yet, because the body hasn't changed. Let me see the M5. They might Oh, God. What's the M5 look like? They didn't fuck that up, though, right? No, they did not yet because the body hasn't changed. Let me see the M5. They might not have announced. Give me the 2021 M5. So I went to a BMW dealership looking for a new M5. They haven't. It's 2023 that they changed the M5, he said. So they still have their old grille.

Don't fuck it up, BMW. It's such a sexy. You can't fuck that up. That is such a sexy fucking car. Go to that silver one in the middle. Burdifo. That one up there, Jamie, on the top. Go to that one. Absolutely Burdifo. God damn one up there, Jamie, on the top. Go to that one.

Absolutely birdiful. God damn it. Give me full screen on that. That's perfection. It's a delicious car. In terms of a sedan, a four-door sedan, that's a gorgeous vehicle. Bad bitch. That's so nice.

Yeah, they better not fuck those grills up. Oh, also, you know what they didn't fuck up the grill for? The M8. The M8 is still the same. Look up the new M8. They kept their grill on the M8, which I thought was strange because the new M8 is a 2021, but that's still the same old grille. You know what it's like to me when Porsche had the 996, rather?

Yeah, the 996. That's like 2001, 2003. Like three, yeah. They had those big stupid fried egg eyeballs. Bro, what were they doing? They fucked up. So ugly looking. They fucked up.

They went from the best looking car ever, the 993, to the 996. But then they went back. Now they look good again. Now they went backwards again. Now they look great again. Look how good that looks. I know someone that just got a brand new turbo, the 992, the 911 Turbo S. That's a ridiculous car.

Such a sick car. That's 0 to 60 in two and a half seconds. Look at how beautiful. Go up to the top picture. Look at how gorgeous that fucking M8 is. That looks great. Joe, will you buy me one of these? No.

Come on, please, man. You said a car and a house. You didn't say... You fucked up. You fucked up, dude. Come on, bro, please. Look at that. And I want the drop top.

I don't care that I sunburn easily. I want the drop top. Look at that thing. That's what Papa needs. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful car. I'm in the market. I'm in the market, BMW. Give me an M8. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful car. I'm in the market. I'm in the market,

BMW. Give me an M8. You still got that Mercedes? No, I drive a Nissan Altima now. Why are you doing that? I gotta switch it up. Really? No. What are you driving? I'm not telling anybody. Okay, good move. Smart. Talk about it off air. Yeah, we will. Shall we wrap? Are you doing shows? Yeah. This comes out tomorrow, right?

Yeah. I'm in Dallas this weekend at Addison Improv. I think there's still some tickets left. Come out. All shows were sold out, and then we added a Sunday show. All shows. Sold out, but we added a Sunday show. And then I go to, dude, I get to play the Wilbur Theater this year in October on my birthday. Nice.

Do you want to come? Come on. Joe's going to come. What day is it? October 15th. My birthday is the 16th, but it's the day before. What day? Wait a minute. What day is that? October 15th. My birthday is the 16th, but it's the day before. What day? Wait a minute.

What day is that? Friday, I think. I think it's a Friday or Saturday. I don't even know. I might be doing the Boston Garden that weekend. Come on, Joe. What the fuck? You're trying to push me out of that?

You're trying to push me out of your city? The week before, maybe. October 15th is a Friday. I'm at the Wilbur. Am I doing? Yeah, I'm really busy, dude. Hey, Jamie. I'll do Friday. I'm at the Wilbur. Am I doing, yeah, really busy, dude. Hey,

Jamie. I'll do it. You want to come open? October 15th. I can't do that. Oh, come on, man.

But on October 10th, no, October 8th, I'm at the garden. So the Friday before you're there. So I'm doing this weekend, I'm in Dallas, and then I do Boston, Madison,

Houston, Nashville. I'm everywhere. Whoa. Just go to andrewsantino.com and grab some tickets I can't wait and also I'm gonna say this Cause it means a lot to me I got an offer

Look I'm a little scared but February 2022 I'm gonna try to play the Chicago theater Holy shit I'm gonna try to do one show If I can It's home for me so I'm trying They were like we think you can do it And I'm like it's so many seats man

But Chicago supports it's own first of all It's a for me, so I'm trying. They were like, we think you can do it. And I'm like, it's so many seats, man. But Chicago supports its own, first of all. No, that's the best. It's a great comedy town. I know. And you're fucking hilarious. We did a bunch of shows there. We had a good time. And then we played the fucking, what did we play?

The United Center. It's insane. We played the fucking United Center. That was insane. I know. It was so crazy. Those are still so crazy. I show up and I'm like, really?

We're doing this, huh? The first time I did one, it was many years ago. Hinchcliffe and Ian Edwards and I were pulling up to this arena in Dallas. I think it was like the Verizon Center or some shit. I don't even know what it was. The American Airlines is where the Mavs play, I think. It was a big ass place. And they were like, this is a fucking crazy

Traffic jam we were in and then Ian goes he goes they're here for you motherfucker, and I look out the window I go what and I'm like this is for us. Oh my god. This is our traffic jam wait by the way This is a deja vu Joe we were in Chicago Same scenario yeah me and you were leaving the hotel, and you're like, fuck, this is annoying. We were like an hour early, and then we were going to be like right on time. And the driver was like, I think it has something to do with you. It's weird to cause a traffic jam, but those shows are so strange, man. They're so strange.

It's like you enter into a different dimension where it makes sense that you could be on stage in an arena just talking shit like you would in the OR on a Tuesday night. I'm so happy to be back. My first weekend was last weekend. Now this weekend is going to be. I'm like, let's fucking go, dude. Let's fucking go, dude. I can't wait to do shows. Well, you got mad antibodies.

I'm anti-ed up. Antibodies from your original antibodies from having COVID. And then you got antibodies from the actual vaccination antibodies. Got them vax bodies, bro. You got antibodies from your original antibodies from having COVID, and then you got antibodies from the actual vaccination antibodies. Got them vax bodies, bro. You got it all. I'm ready to go, man. I'm excited.

Come out and see me. Go to andresantino.com. Come out and see the kid. He's fucking hilarious. See me, baby. All right. When are you moving here? Buy me that house.

Buy me that car. We'll talk later. Bye. Bye. Thank you.