The Joe Rogan Experience - #1651 - Joe List

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

Joe List is a standup comedian, co-host of the "Tuesdays with Stories" podcast with Mark Normand, and host of his podcast "Joe List's Mindful Metal Jacket".

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day up and adam hello joe list is this it this is it this is it so what happens you got you got accosted last night oh we're in it this it. This is just going. Yeah. Yeah, so good to be here. Good to have you. Good to have you. Yeah, so we're here. Do you need booze? No, I don't drink, but I appreciate the offer. Do you want heroin?

Heroin would be good, yeah. I'm still doing heroin. That's always like the hackiest joke. I don't drink, but I want to buy heroin. It's like you always go, like if someone says they don't drink, you go with something way more preposterous than drinking. Like,'m sober right the other one is uh uh quitter well people say quitter that's like a big one to do but um but no i appreciate the offer though i mean this cigar i might enjoy one cigar sure maybe yeah i'm on an empty stomach so it might make me more jittery than i already am we'll give it a little i'm. I'm a big cunt. Settle in.

No, you're not. You're fine. Well, wait till I tell the story. Okay. Okay. So, yeah, we're here in Austin, and I got a ride, a lift to the hotel. I'm staying downtown, and we were coming up 6th Street, which I don't know if you've been down there. It's changed a bit.

It's kind of overrun with street folk, homeless people. Yes, there's quite a few of the they call them unhoused that's the new more politically correct term sure I thought street people was good but maybe I think street people's I don't think they like that I don't know if there's like a homeless board talk about the vernacular that they appreciate i don't know yeah all right well unhoused people that seem you know uh unwell and they're kind of everywhere which evidently they just passed a law but it hasn't been well the law is only about camping okay i mean you can't stop

people from walking around right so that there's always going to be an issue. And like one of the clubs downtown is Vulcan Gas Company. And that place is right catty corner to a homeless shelter. So they're all over the place in that area. That's where I think I was on 7th, right? Is that 7th Street? I think Vulcan is on 6th. Is it on? Yeah, but the shelter was on 7th.

The shelter's on 7th? Yeah, I think you're right. Okay, well, so. It's in that area. So we drove down the street, and the guy was kind of saying, you know, they've taken over, it's crazy, it's scary, be careful, whatever. A Lyft driver saying that? So I'm like, well, he was like a driver driver.

But so I'm already, so I'm already like in my head. And then I asked the lady, I was like, is it safe walking around here now? It feels like it's changed a bit. And she was like, just avoid sixth street. And I was like, all right, got it. And then, uh, I was like, I'm going to go to the Creek, do a spot, texted Rebecca. And it's like an eight minute walk. So I was like, I'll walk there. Now I'm a huge pussy anxiety, the whole thing, although I have been doing mixed martial arts, but we can get to that later um but so i was walking up the street and i'm like all right so far it's so good and then i

started to get closer and i saw these two guys walking towards me and they seemed like you know ne'er-do-wells just you know by the way they were presenting themselves and then there was a guy on a bicycle like a bmx style bike who kind of was with them and then rode ahead and kind of did like a loop behind me so then i was like all right this feels unsafe so i kind of just moved to the street like off the sidewalk but still right next to the sidewalk and then the two guys as they passed were like look at this motherfucker this racist ass motherfucker moving into the street this white guy this and uh it seemed you were racist because you moved into the street i think because i moved into the street but that's not what i was i wasn't like oh here come black guys let me move up but

they were walking up the sidewalk so i just was moving so i didn't have like a and a moment where you had to zig or zag exactly left or right exactly so i stepped off the sidewalk and he kind of called that out and then as they we passed each other i could still hear him kind of like mumbling they seemed like they were fucked up but um so they're still kind of mumbling and then i came to the intersection which is where i guess that homeless shelter is and there was like 40 homeless people not like sleeping in tents on the sidewalk, but like fighting, yelling, bottle smashing. And I was just like, I don't feel like walking through that.

That doesn't seem great. So then I looked to the right was 6th Street where the lady was like, yeah, stay off of 6th Street. And then this is all in front of an empty parking lot. So there's just nobody around. It's dark. And I'm like, if I go left,

I'm going up dark street sidewalk. So then I was like, I'll cross 7th back over there and just start walking back to my hotel. So I don't have to walk through whatever this scene is. And then as I was walking back that way, they were a little ways ahead of me. And for whatever reason, they decided to cross back across the street. And so we just met right there. And then the guy's like, you wouldn't be following us, would you? And I was like, no, no, I'm just lost.

And I kind of did like a, I don't want anything to do with you guys. And then the guy got like right up into my face and was like, you better be fucking lost. You want to get lost? Like something, whatever else. I was in like panic mode, so I couldn't. And then there was one of those like scooters, you know, those rental scooters that are everywhere. And he just gave that like a hard kick and did like this thing and we were kind of like manager and an umpire just like right there and i went no no i'm getting out of here and i just

kind of walked around and then swallowed all pride and just went full full run that's a good move all right thanks i thought you're gonna call me a cunt i appreciate it i might have done the same thing well i mean, it's like... It's a good move, man. You don't want to get into an altercation if you can avoid it. If you can avoid it by running, like the swallow the pride thing, like what are you going to do? Just get attacked?

Or what are you going to do, fight? If you can not fight by running, you should definitely run. You talk to any martial arts instructor, they will always tell you that. If you can get away, a smart one will tell you, get away. A dumb one will say, first of all, you got to kick him in the knee. Then you got to fucking poke him in the eye, like the three stooges, you know, get the fuck out of there, man. Get out of there. Yeah. So I've done a little bit of MMA training the last couple of years. And like, that's the basic idea, obviously at whatever level, if you want to say level,

the idea is to use whatever skills to get out of harm's way. I'm not looking to inflict damage on people. Sometimes it's just people just want to fuck with you. So these guys probably just wanted to fuck with you and make you feel uncomfortable and make you scared. Cause if they wanted to do something, they probably would have done something, right?

Yeah. That's how I felt. And I also, I literally consciously thought me running gives them what they want they get a nice like that's right bitch and i'm fine with that i'm 39 years old i'm not looking to prove anything to anybody and then rebecca was like texted who runs the creek and was like i can send security and i was like i'll take it as a sign i'll see you tomorrow night i'll take a look they have solid security the creek though they have some big ass giant dudes oh really yeah some solid dudes oh good to know well tonight i'm gonna take a lift

i'm good with walking but it was scary but i felt good because i'll come get you tonight i'll pick you up all right i'll take it we'll talk i appreciate it well i i felt good because when i got back i was like i didn't sit there going you're a pussy you piece of shit And nor was I like panicking. I was just like all right. That was crazy. Yeah, it's not good You you're you're always better off just swallowing pride Yes, it's hard to do but it's so important like how many times you've seen like YouTube videos for people getting fights And they don't even know how to fight What is what is you know like what is that? That's swallowing?

Did you know there's a new video of a lady cop beating the shit out of a bunch of people in a bar. This lady cop roundhouse kicks this guy and then this lady punches her from the side and she fucking lines up like a karate punch and straight blasts her in the face. The lady's at the bar

all fucked up, but it's crazy. She's got her hair in a ponytail and shit and she's out there doing karate on people. I've said this for years it's so scary with people you can't just get in fights with people because now so many people train in mixed martial arts and all this shit including myself but i suck and i'm a cunt but way more people than ever before yeah so it's like i've met people there's comics that i know that just look like nerdy guys and they're like jujitsu blue belts or brown whatever whatever belt and you're like that's a guy i would just be like ah shut up you pussy or whatever and then next thing

you know you're getting choked to death well that's what's interesting about jujitsu it's like some of the very best guys are what my friend eddie bra Bravo calls nerd assassins. They're just like people that are really into technique and like, jujitsu is in a lot of ways like a crazy game that you learn. And people that would be into other games get into jujitsu and then they wind up having to use their body as like a game piece right but they

have the same sort of mentality as someone who's like really in a starcraft or something like that or maybe in a chess or and legitimately some of eddie's best students are these guys that are like very unassuming looking yeah that's what i'm trying to be i want to i want to be that guy i want a guy that looks i look like this i mean this is like a joke in my act, but I'm like, I want to look like this, but be one of those people that can kill you. There's a lot of guys that look like you. They're built like you that are fucking assassins. Right.

No bullshit. Yeah. Chris Gethard is a comedian. Do you know Chris Gethard? Yeah, I do. Where do I know him from? Is he a New York guy? Yeah, he's a New York guy.

I think he was an improv guy and sketch guy. He had a show. I think it was called the Chris Gethard show. He's like a brilliant improv comic, but he just looks like kind of an unassuming sort of nerdy guy, but he's a jujitsu guy. I don't know what level of jujitsu, but a high up. And I was talking to the guy that trains me. Who's also a comic, this guy, Diego Lopez. And I talked to Chris and I was like, so you could kick some ass. And he's like, well, I was like so you could kick some ass and he's like well I feel comfortable that I could handle myself in a situation and then this guy Diego was like he's being modest that guy will fucking kill you which I was like oh man that's all I want in my

life you could get there um but it's hard because you know I feel old and well you know you just gotta train smart and you know you'll have to do some lifting weights. But, yeah, it has to be something you're obsessed with. Like if you really are going to get really good at it, it has to be something that you're like, I'm going to train three to four days a week. I'm going to do this. I'm going to lift weights. I'm going to train.

I'm going to really get into this. I'm going to get good at it. See, I see you already. You're like, ooh. Well, that's the thing. Well, it's funny because I'm like, I'm a get good at it see I see you already you're like ooh well that's the thing well it's funny because I'm like I'm a pretty good athlete I played baseball and track and basketball

and stuff and I say this to this guy Diego who trains me I'm like there's times where he's just beating the fuck out of me because we do standing striking and all this stuff and after a while you have that ego of like god I'm like let's play let's play baseball let's fucking go play basketball.

I'll, you know, whatever. And he said, he's like, this isn't like a sport. It's not like you throw a uniform on and then you learn the rules. This is like a survival, serious thing. It is in a way, yeah. But it is also a sport, right? It's like if you can move your body well, you can do martial arts. If you're a good football player, there's a lot of guys who come over from football.

Greg Hardy, he's one of the heavyweight contenders in the UFC, started out as an NFL player. Eric Anders, same thing. There's a few guys like that that are like really good athletes that start off in other sports and then they make their way into MMA. Well, I was a cross-country star in high school, so I think that might kind of translate into – I'm kidding. Well, cross-country, you develop a lot of endurance. Yeah. I mean, I have that going, I guess. I have endurance.

But no, it's fine. But the thing is, too, there's times where I'm doing it and I'm like, man, I love this. This is great. But then I'm like, what am I doing? I'm not this guy. As I'm getting choked out or punched in the face, I'm like, I fucking hate this. Yeah. I'm just checking this dude's name because I think I fucked his name up.

Oh, anyway. checking this dude's name because i think i fucked his name up oh anyway um i think that it's one of those things where if you learn how to do anything with your body whether it's yoga or we got a lot of guys that got into jujitsu that are really good from break dancing oh wow yeah similar kind of thing i guess yeah they started out break dancing and when you're doing break dancing like think about gymnastics like like think about gymnastics. Like, think about the guys who do the rings, right? They're, like, the most jacked guys of all time, right? They have fucking massive arms, and they're mostly just manipulating their body with, you know, their shoulders and their biceps and all that stuff.

They're not really, I don't think those guys lift weights, right? Right. Do they? I don't know. I have no idea, but it seems like they're just doing natural don't think those guys lift weights right do they i don't know i have no idea but it seems like they're just doing natural pull-ups and shit if you could get a guy from like the rings like a guy who does that kind of shit and then teach him how to strangle people like these motherfuckers who's strength on that guy that's the world record i don't know exactly

what for but oh for the Iron Cross, what he's doing here. Holding himself up. I like that he's got his own band. That's pretty fun. So this is like the world record

for just doing that. With your arms out like that, I guess. That's impressive. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't want to fight him. You don't want none of that. No, I don't. to fight him. You don't want none of that.

No, I don't. I could have used them last night. That is the outfit I was wearing, though, which might have been why they were picking on me. It's a good look for you. I like the feet. It goes all the way to the feet. There's no socks.

Do you slip right into those? Is that how it works? Absolutely. Like feeties? Like feetie pajamas? There's no zipper pajamas so what is the record how long was the 30 seconds I don't know it didn't doesn't say it just says world record yeah what is the world record for standing like that it didn't

seem that long but that's like you point previous record was 22.9 seconds I guess this is close to 30 you ever just try to hang from a chin-up bar? Yes. It's fucking hard. Yeah, it is. After like 30 seconds, you're like, oh shit, this is a task. Yeah, no, I can't do anything like that. I suck. But it's a good thing to do. If you want to learn how to just tolerate. Right.

Just hanging from a chin-up bar, because you can always do a couple extra seconds until your hands fail. Right. You're like, I want to quit now, but I don't. Five more seconds. All right, I did that. Five more seconds. I did that. Five more seconds.

Right. That's why I like doing... What is this guy? 39 seconds. Oh, my God. He beat the guy we just had up. I think the key would be if you had small legs, right? If you were a guy who's in the rings, if you're doing the rings,

well, actually, you've got to land on those legs. All right, what am I talking about? No weight, I think, is the right. You would be as light as possible. Right, but you have to have muscle, so you can't be too light. His arms are huge. But there's got to be, like, you ever see those Cirque du Soleil guys? They do that shit

where they like hold out from here they're like horizontal across like just holding with their arms like it doesn't even make sense if you ever want to feel like a bitch go watch cirque de soleil those guys have preposterous strength yeah it doesn't make any sense holding someone with one arm above your head perfectly balanced yeah no it's goofy yeah but not all that entertaining to me you don't like it i have to say ms5 did you ever see love the love one at uh it's all beatle songs at um mgm no mirage no i never saw it it's amazing maybe i should go i'm being an asshole i've never actually seen it it's easy to be an asshole we're comics that's a good point but some of them hold it stand on their head too like just their head no arms which is're comics that's a good point but some of them hold it stand on their head

too like just their head no arms which is also insane that's not good for you no i don't think right now the discs do not enjoy that no i don't think any of that asking for late life trouble yeah i think all of that but i feel that way i worry about that with uh oh here they are yeah love is amazing because uh are you a beatles? I am. Yeah. I love the Beatles. And this is all Beatles songs. And the last time I went, I was barbecued. And when you are there in this sort of very surreal, fantastic theater environment with sounds and lights and everything, and you see the athleticism that these people have,

and then you hear the amazing songs. You kind of forget how good like Losing the Sky with Diamonds is. You forget how good some of their fucking songs are and then you see it with this. It's a perfect compliment. It's incredibly well like orchestrated and designed. It's great. I love it. I've been to it twice with my family. Oh wow. Yeah, it looks cool. I'll check it out. It's really good. I'm sorry I shit on Cirque du Soleil. I'm a dick.

Well, this is the best one that I've seen. I've seen a few of them. I've seen three. Yeah, I've seen three Cirque du Soleil shows. I've seen Mystère. I think that's one that I saw. There's another one I think they used to have at Mandalay Bay. I don't know if they have it anymore, but I believe it was a Cirque du Soleil with Michael Jackson music.

Oh, fun. Can they do that still? It's an odd one. Yeah, right? Like, you kind of can. Like, Michael Jackson is the only, because I guess because he died without being convicted. Yeah, he still plays at Starbucks.

Like, I go into Starbucks, and I'm like, I think this guy, like, came on children's asses, and it's just playing. Maybe not, though. Sure, yeah. Maybe, maybe not. I think he was a castrato. What's that mean?

That's what I think. It's a person who was castrated to preserve their voice. That's what his doctor said. And there's actually a theory that I had before his doctor said it. His doctor who went to jail for giving him propofol that I said, I think so He gave him, you know anesthesia knocked him out every night because he could like he was so neurotic and crazy that he couldn't sleep Right and so he would anesthetize him every night that same doctor went to jail for that And then when he came out he gave a sort of like detailed story about how his father had

Chemically castrated him when he was young to preserve his voice. It sounds crazy, but first of all, this guy's a doctor saying this. He doesn't have anything to gain or lose. And then you look at his body in comparison to his brother's. Like if you look at like Tito and Jermaine, they're men. They're like these thick – they look like thick men. Right. Right. And he's super slender with no muscle mass at all. Just very sleek. And his voice is really high pitched and his singing voice is incredible. Right. But it's very high pitched. And there's these people

that existed in, I mean, I don't know when it started but there's one recording there's it's a historical fact that there's these people called castratus or castratos castratus castratus I guess and they would take young kids and castrate them when they were young so that they never developed any testosterone and because of that they maintain the singing voice and it's a haunting singing voice there's only there's at least one that's available on YouTube that you could listen to and you hear the guy sing and you're like oh my god like this was someone who didn't make this choice for himself someone whoever

it was gave him off to whoever who castrated him as a young boy before his testosterone hit. And he's got this strange voice. And this voice was something that they cultivated and that they would specifically choose boys who sang to never become men. And what period of time is this? Is this like the 70s or like? Well, they have a recording.

So this recording has to, I don't think there was any recordings until. 1700s or something. Right. Well, they did it in the 1700s, but the recording, when was, when was the. The recording wouldn't be from the 1700s. Right.

When was the recording invented? Like when did they invent records? Let's take a guess. When do you think they invented records? Oh, boy. I want to say it was like 1800s, like late 1800s. Yeah, that sounds right. I mean, is the radio before recordings?

Or is that a recorder? I don't know. I'm an idiot. I look like a guy that knows things and is smart, but I'm pretty dumb. I think if I had to guess that the record player was first and the radio was second. That makes sense. All right, I'm going to say 18. I'm trying to think of like Westerns.

You never see it when listening to records in Westerns. Well, you remember those record players they used to have where they put the needle down and it was like a giant tuba? There wasn't a speaker. Yeah, yeah. Like the sound came out of the needle itself. Yes. It was like a tuba attached to the needle. I'm going to say, so I kind of know some of it, so I don't want to look it up and cheat. Okay. Like the sound came out of the needle itself? Yes. It was like a tube that attached the needle? What?

I'm going to say. So I kind of know some of it, so I don't want to look it up and cheat. Okay, okay. But like they had before records, they had that Edison tube. Yeah. Remember? Yeah. Which is like a video of the guy dropping it, the first viral video.

Yeah. So that would have been late 1800s. Like I don't believe there was much recording of like Civil War speeches. So I don't think they had the ability to do it back then. Right, right, right. Recording people talking. That's a different animal, right? Like, recording, like, maybe music was the first thing.

I mean, it's like 1880s. I'm going to say 1893. 1877, the first practical sound recording and reproduction, because you also have to be able to play it back. Do they have, what is, give us, see if they can find a video of the first ever recording. Wow, look at that. I don't know.

So that's the guy talking. Look at this. Go back to that. It's a Native American guy telling his story into a fucking tuba thing. The village people were the first ever record. Maybe he was culturally appropriating hmm see if you can what is that guy doing that's a breath of a hammer

Alexander Graham Bell's phone maybe oh yeah then the phonograph yeah so mmm there's Edison I think oh wow a lot of weird devices to get it. Let's go to video. Let's go to video. Let's see what is the sound, like the first ever recorded sound. See if it's like first ever recording. First ever audio recording. Early recordings known. That's good enough. Listen to that.

Let's listen. Voices of the pound. First recorded sound. Ooh, here we go. American scientists have discovered an audio recording dating to April 1860, 17 years before Thomas Edison invented the phonograph. What the fuck was it?

Oh, interesting. Let's hear it. It's something. Listen. It's aliens. That's the shit that Jodie Foster was listening to in Contact. It sounds like it could be a castrated person. No, now you're going to hear the castrato.

Because the castrato is a very haunting sound. So is castrato, do they cut your dick and balls off or just one? I think they just cut your balls off. Okay. That's not so bad. I guess. Yeah, here we go. Bro. So that's a grown man?

That's a grown man. Yeah, the guy's name was Alessandro Moreschi. I feel like you might be able to pull that off with a pair of balls, though. That's a grown man. That's a grown man. Yeah, the guy's name was Alessandro Moreschi. I feel like you might be able to pull that off with a pair of balls, though. Maybe you could. I mean, like, I can get pretty high. I got testicles. Yeah, well, that guy didn't. A reassessing.

Why are they reassessing him? But he was one of the last castratos that we know of. But, again, that was what the doctor said about Michael Jackson. If you listen to some of Michael Jackson's music, I mean, the songs, the pitch that he hit, a man in his 30s, right? Like, how is he singing like that? I mean, maybe he could just sort of falsetto it because a lot of people could do that but it doesn't seem like that's the case and he does seem so different than his brothers yeah i mean i'll buy it sure i'll go for it but so you're saying that

because of this there's no way he came on children um i did not say that i did not say that i said maybe he thought you were implying I did not say that I said maybe he didn't Because if that was the case Then he probably couldn't Because his body didn't produce sperm But didn't he have a kid? Or did he not have a kid?

I don't know that much about Michael Jackson He had children but I do believe They were either adopted They don't look anything like them. They're white kids. Gotcha. I got to do more MJ research, I think. It's a weird one, man, because he was the first guy we saw go insane with fame.

Yes. Right? Yeah. I guess I'm trying to think. I mean, like Marilyn Monroe died and shit, but she didn't look like a completely different She's getting killed by the Kennedy's. Let's be honest. Oh, is that right? That's what I'm learning so much here, and I appreciate it I think she was a blabbermouth. I think they had decided

Enough was enough. All right. I'm just Throwing that out. I can't I can't tell when you're serious or not, but I'm very susceptible to theory. I'm like, alright, sure. I think that was the theory, though, about Marilyn Monroe, is that someone whacked her. I think she fucked both brothers, right? That's the problem. Yeah. And then as she's getting older, she's like, hmm, I need to write a book. And they're like, really?

I mean, that's fair. I'll take it. I don't know. Pills, right? It was a story. She, right? Was the story? She died? What is the story? I mean, it was... A drug overdose.

I think it was like... Totally... I'm totally not accusing anybody of doing something because I don't fucking know, and she easily could have overdosed. When people are taking pills, like, they overdose all the time. It's a comment, you know?

I mean... Yeah, absolutely. What's his name um uh famous actor uh heath ledger ledger yeah perfect example right yeah yeah pills the thing about pills is i think you can take the same amount you took the night before but your body just reacts differently the next night that's what i've heard maybe also, it's like your liver could be failing you. Right. You could be doing it a lot

and your liver's like, check please. Yeah. I don't know. What is it? Philip Thomas, what is his name? Philip Seymour Hoffman?

Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was another one, right? Didn't he die from, or he died from heroin, I think. I think it was heroin. I got a funny Philip Seymour Hoffman story.

I saw him in the East Village. This is like years, like 03. I was going to the New York Film is like years like oh three I was going to the New York Film Academy because I wanted to be an actor for a minute and I saw him at a bar or a restaurant and I was hammered and I walked up to him and he was like with this woman and I just walked up and I said the only true

currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you're uncool which is a line from almost famous and then he looked at me and went yeah and you could tell he just wasn't having it and so i felt awkward because i thought he somehow i thought he was going to be like oh my god that fucking movie amazing sit down yeah so he just didn't react and then i went uh i'm friends with patrice o'neill uh which is a lie i didn't never even met pat. And then he said, I don't know who that is. And I said, oh, he's in 25th Hour with you. And I don't even think they have dialogue. And he went, nah, cool, man. And then I stood there for like a beat and went, all right. And then I just walked away back to my table and it was humiliating.

Meeting famous people so awkward. Oh, it was brutal. I don't like, I really i really thought i mean i was 21 and drunk and thought man when i say this line he's gonna like shit this is gonna be something because you wanted to be an actor so you probably delivered it with like that that might have been the end of my experience of like that's no good i can't do that hey it was bad what kind of acting did you want to do i guess i mean i still like the idea of doing like i was always obsessed with movies and wanted to i really wanted to be a filmmaker i wanted to be like martin scorsese oh and or woody allen um professionally we were talking today or yesterday rather with russell peters about when was the last

time you saw a good comedy movie and can you make a good comedy movie anymore? Or have they made it so dangerous in terms of being canceled that comedy movies are no longer something you can do? There's a movie called, I think it's called The Overnighters. I might need to double check on that. The guy, I think his name's Adam Scott. Is that a guy, a comic actor?

And then who's the guy from Rushmore? Who's great? Jason Schwartzman. It's Jason Schwartzman and Adam Scott. I think it's called The Overnighters, and it's fucking hilarious. And how long ago did it come out? I might need a check on that, too. Maybe five years ago, four years ago?

Yeah, that's about the cutoff. It's a really low-budget, all-in-one-place movie, and it's hysterical, I think. I would wonder what is the cutoff in terms of when was the last time a really good... The Overnight. The Overnight. Is that it?

Yeah. When was the last time there was an edgy comedy? This one's not edgy, but... But it's good. I mean, I guess there's some... It depends on what... Edgy means so many different things to different people, but it's really fucking funny. You know what I watched the other day?

Super Bad. Yeah, that's holy shit you could never make that movie today it's amazing how many things just a few years later i mean the new borat i thought was pretty funny oh yeah yeah that but that's a weird one right like he figured out a loophole you're kind of doing parody and you're doing this thing where you're freaking people out like when she has her period at the dance-off. Right. You know, like there's things

that he could get away with in that. It's a beautiful genre in that regard, right? You could do stuff in a kind of parody movie that you can't do in a regular movie. Yes. But don't you find there's never been, maybe I'm wrong, I feel like, maybe I'm such a comedy cunt that I'm like, don't you feel like there's never been a ton of great comedy films? I feel like there's like a few a decade.

ever do today it's i think it's hard to do those like some people just like judd apatow is really good at making those kind of movies or was really good i don't know if he's made one of those kind of movies in a while but those like really ridiculous over-the-top movies but the language and the subject matter and it's like the stuff that they talk about and say to each other i just don't think you can do that today or if if you did do that, you would face a tremendous amount of criticism. Even though most people agree, like if you try to watch Stepbrother today, fucking rock solid funny movie, man. Really funny. Right.

I was crying. Like crying laughing. There's some really funny moments in that movie where you're like, I forgot how good this is. When he rubs his balls over the dude's drum set. Right. Like there's so many of these moments where you're like, this is so crazy.

But it feels like now people are getting more comedy from podcasts and standup than movies because it's making, like I watched the Oscars and like, they didn't even make a joke. There was like zero jokes because everybody's so afraid. Who hosted the Oscars this year? I think there was no host. It was just like, we just bring people up. I mean, they weren't even like afraid to be funny. Who hosted the Oscars this year? I think there was no host. It was just like we just bring people up.

I mean, they weren't even like attempting to do jokes. The only jokes were the voiceover lady that says like, stay tuned, coming up, Brad Pitt. I swear to God, Brad Pitt's coming. That was like the only attempt at humor. It was like really. Well, when Kevin Hart didn't do it because they wanted him to apologize for jokes that were homophobic for many years ago um and he said look i'm not gonna do this

i've already apologized for those jokes i evolved i grew i'm not the same person anymore and that's fine i don't need to do it you know and then they didn't have a host that year i believe and i think that's it i don't think they've had a host since then. Right? I don't know. You might be right about that. I know the one year they had two, it was James Franco and Anne Hathaway hosted it. Oh, okay. Because they went non-comics.

But it does feel like right now, it's like rude to even try to be funny on that high level. Yeah. It's very bizarre bizarre i was listening to a podcast the other day that i love that's sort of like a mental health podcast and this lady was telling the host who's like a straight white guy he was like i'm learning about privilege and he was saying even my self-deprecating humor is a little bit offensive because it's my privilege

to do self-deprecating humor because as a straight white male people assume i'm joking but other people couldn't make such jokes because of whatever history and they were literally discussing earnestly how straight white men shouldn't really try to be funny there was that guy a castrato? It felt a little castrato-y. Yeah. I mean, it was just a really bizarre conversation. You can never be woke enough. That's the problem.

It keeps going. It keeps going further and further and further down the line. And if you get to the point where you capitulate, where you agree to all these demands, it will eventually get to straight white men are not allowed to talk. Right. Because it's your privilege to express yourself when other people of color have been silenced throughout history. It will be, you're not allowed to go outside because so many people were imprisoned for so many years. I mean, I'm not joking. No, I know. It really will get there. It's that crazy. We just got to be nice to each other, man. And there's a lot of people that are taking advantage of this weirdness in our culture,

and then that becomes their thing. Their thing is calling people out for their privilege, calling people out for their position. You know, it's fucking crazy times. Yeah, most definitely. But I do feel like there's more, it feels like I hear more people sort of speaking out against that

kind of stuff than I hear from people saying that's a good idea. Like I think there's way more people that are like, what?

That's insane. Well, especially in our circles. True. Yeah, maybe I'm in a bubble. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, we're definitely

in a comedy bubble. I mean, this is what we do. We talk shit. Right. You know, when you talk shit and you see something

stupid like that, like I was a straight white man, I shouldn't be self-deprecating. Like, bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, I mean, I'm in a lot of trouble if we can't do that. Yeah, we're humans. If you're a human being, you should be able to express yourself. You shouldn't have to take into account all the other people that are either not heard or not expressing themselves currently or not in the same, you know, whatever category is you like, come on, man, we can't do that because that's what you're doing is you're, you're, you're forcing yourself to think double and triple about every

single fucking thing you say and whether or not you have the right to say it, whether or not you have the right to express yourself. Yeah, and then nobody's having fun. That doesn't seem like a fun way to live at all. It's a terrible way to live. That being said, I'm terrified and I want to scrub everything I've said already. I thought that was pretty good.

It's fun to stay at the YMCA. But you can't do that. The village people, if the guy who played the American Indian was an American Indian, he'd be fucked now. They'd cancel him. Right. I think it's Native American.

I mean, that's a little fucked up that you just said American Indian. They call themselves American Indians sometimes. It's really different. Well, it's like the term Eskimo. Some people tell you the term Eskimo is offensive, but then in some parts of the world, some parts of this country, I think in Alaska, they actually call themselves Eskimo is offensive, but then in some parts of the world, some parts of this, I think in Alaska, they actually call themselves Eskimos and they prefer to be called, I might be fucking this up, but some places it's Inuit.

And then in Canada, they don't call themselves Indians. They call themselves First Nation. It's different up there. And they have all these, it's very strange. Like they have all these different rules for First Nation people when it comes to wildlife resources. You can catch as many fish as you want. You could shoot a moose with a flashlight.

You could just get a, really, you could get a floodlight. Oh, like a flashlight on a gun. You put a floodlight so the moose is frozen, it doesn't know what to do, and then you blast them at night. You can hunt at nighttime. You have no rules, and you can hunt them all year round like they can always take from the land whatever they want that seems fair i guess or is that not fair i don't know well it depends upon the access to resources like what what is the moose population like are they decimating the population with these practices?

What are they doing with the meat if they could shoot as many moose as they want are they shooting three four or five? Moose a night and giving them out to friends How are they managing the resources like there's a reason why in most of these places? like I could speak about North America because I have more understanding of it the Wildlife biologists will take like a survey of the animals. They do it a bunch of different ways. They'll do it with helicopters. They'll fly over with planes.

And they'll get an assessment of, say, mountain goats. They're like, okay, we counted 200 mountain goats in this particular mountain range, mountain goats in this particular mountain range and we've decided that we can give out 10 tags with a an estimate of a 50 success rate which is usually pretty high and say that so we lose five animals they're going to have a bunch of babies and some of those babies will be gone we'll maintain a healthy population and this is how wildlife biologists estimate how many animals can be removed from a specific population while keeping it healthy. So I don't know how they do it in Canada. I assume they probably do it the same way. If they do do that, so you have one rule for everybody else, and then you have another rule

for the First Nation people. The First Nation people are like, we went walleye fishing. When you go walleye fishing, you can only keep one walleye per day, unless you're First Nation people. So we were sitting on this pier, we're standing on this pier and we're catching fish next to these other folks that were just, they just kept catching them. They catch walleyes and just kept keeping them. When we caught one walleye, we were done. And then you could only keep Northern Pike after that, but they could keep whatever they want. Interesting. Now, can you pretend to be Native American? I mean, you could pass, right? I mean, do you have to have a card? How does it work? Do your face have to be painted? What is the...

I think you probably have some sort of First Nation ID or something like that, if I had to guess. Right. I'm guessing. I mean, that's kind of funny too. You just got to be like, oh, I'm cool. I mean, if you have an ID that says You just got to be like, I'm cool. I mean, if you have an idea that says you live in South Dakota. I guess so. You know, it's, I mean, that's like the Indian reservation thing here in North America, right?

Or in the United States. They can open up casinos. Right. And if you're in some of these places where they have casinos, you get a check if you are a certain percentage of the tribe. Say if you're like, you know, one-eighth, or I don't know what the number is, but one, a percentage, you know, Apache or what have you. Tribal identification cards are issued by tribes as proof of your enrollment and membership in a tribe.

Federally recognized tribal issued ID card is also a valid form of government issued photo identification in many places. This is Canada or is this America? This is America. I first typed in First Nation and I was only getting Canada, so I typed in Native American. Okay, so this is for tribes. typed in Native American. Okay, so this is for tribes. And then a lot of the tribes,

they don't even want to recognize that there is a Canada or a United States. Some of the Lakota tribes, they went up to Canada to avoid being captured by the federal government when they were rounding up tribes and putting them in reservations. They went up to Canada for a while, but they were freezing to death, and then they came back. There was like a – I forget which book it is. It might be Black Elk Speaks. It's one of the books on Native Americans that I've read that describes this journey

where they had gone up to Canada to try to avoid being, you know, in their lifetime. It went from this way of life where you're roaming the plains, hunting and fishing and living off the land, to all of a sudden the white man shows up and by the time you're an old man, your whole village is now locked up in a reservation and you're forced to go to schools and they cut your hair. locked up in a reservation and you're forced to go to schools and they cut your hair and it's like dark shit man like huge destruction of their identity and their you know the way they felt about each other's self self-esteem and they talk about the all these problems that these Native American tribes went through where they're like massive substance abuse because of severe depression because their way of life had been taken from them.

That's also the origin of the ghost dance. The ghost dance was a dance that they did where they were trying to summon something to kill off the white people. Because these people were destroying their way of life and they felt like if they just called upon whatever they were trying to summon, they could do something to bring back their way of life. Is that like, that's recent or? Yeah, the ghost dance was at the end of the 17th century. So it was like the late 1800s they were doing that. Oh, okay. I was thinking this was like 90s.

No, no, no. Okay. You're thinking of Madonna. That's voguing you're thinking voguing so that's so is it fair then that they can get some extra fish because of all this or does at some point we should be like all right you had enough fish i don't know if fair is a good word but it is fucked up beyond belief right if you go and go to a native american reservation you see the bleak poverty and the amount of people that are addicted to drugs and alcohol and how sad and depressed it is right like there's some great books that people have written about life on the reservation it's

horrific stuff man what have you read that i know you're big into this stuff have you read the what's it called flowers of the moon what's that one it's the empire of the summer moon is that the one maybe maybe i'm confusing too i thought flowers in there martin scrooge says he's making a movie with leo dicaprio oh okay killers of the flower moon did you read that one no what's that one about it's somehow oh i did i got that someone that's a fbi right the yeah the fbi murdered these people because yes somebody sent me this they just released like the first image of the film and dicaprio looks old it was like a big thing on twitter or whatever but let's uh go to the summary of that down there yeah go to

wikipedia the osage murders the birth of the fbi is the third non-fiction book by the american journalist david gran the book was click on click on that Wikipedia thing so you could get the story behind it. There it is, synopsis. The book investigates a series of murders of wealthy Osage people that took place in Osage County, Oklahoma in the early 1920s after big oil deposits were discovered beneath their land. That's right.

After the Osage were awarded rights and courts to the profits made from oil deposits found on their land, the Osage people prepare for receiving the wealth to which they are legally entitled from sales of their oil deposits. However, a long and complex process of custodianship is imposed upon the distribution of the profits from the sales being made for very high profits and very few, if any, Osage people see any of this money. Still, the legal owners of the land for profit, which is... What is it saying? The elements hostile to Osage people then decide that they could greatly simplify their profit mongering of the oil profits by eliminating those who they consider to be operating as

the middle man before they can abscond with the oil profits. The Osage are viewed as the middle man and a complex plot is hatched to put into place to eliminate the Osage people inheriting this wealth from oil profits on a one-by-one basis by any means possible. Officially, the count of the murdered, full-blood, wealthy Osage reaches at least 20, but Grand suspects that hundreds more may have been killed because of their ties to oil.

Wow. And this is the birth of the FBI, right? Is that part of this whole fucking crazy story? Goddamn. Fun. Heavy. I assume

Bill Hale will be DiCaprio maybe? William King Hale or Bill Hale was an American cattleman and convicted murderer. Hale was a prominent figure on the Osage Indian Reservation in what was then the Indian Territory, where he built the noted Hale Ranch and made a fortune raising cattle. Ugh. Those are dark days, man.

I'm excited about the movie, though. Those will be bright days ahead. DiCaprio as Bill Hale. I mean, that's exciting, right? Yeah. See, there it is. Martin Scorsese's a bad motherfucker. Has he made a bad movie?

I didn't see The Irishman. Did you? I love The Irishman, yeah. I wasn't thrilled about it at first, but I love it. Some people were weirded out by the special effects. Yeah, it didn't bother me at all. No, he's like the king.

Yeah. Boy, Scorsese's worst movie is a tough one. What's the worst one? I don't know. I'm trying to think. That's what I mean. I guess,

I don't know, bringing out the dead, that Nick Cage movie from the 90s, maybe. Oh, New York, New York. That's like a musical that he made with De Niro

in like the late 70s he made a musical? yeah really? 77 yeah it's like I don't know if it's considered a musical

but there's like a music De Niro's like a jazz musician Liza Minnelli's in it did people go nutty in the 70s? what happened in the 70s? what do you mean? the 70s is like

the best for arts and entertainment don't you think? it's weird it's great for sure I mean it's 70s is like the best for arts and entertainment, don't you think? It's weird. It's great, for sure. I mean, it's amazing for music, amazing for a lot, amazing for some cars early in the 70s. And movies, best decade for movies.

I think the 80s is like the weirdest, cheesiest. Oh, yeah, for sure. Everyone great went a little bit shitty in the 80s. Doesn't it feel like? But there's a phase. It's like 60s, 70ss and then 80s right yes it's like things got weird like everything got confused seems like 60s everything was like psychedelic and wild and hendrix and zeppelin and then the 70s it kind of got strange for a decade and still really great and great movies and great films and then towards the end of it kind of got super weird in the 80s and the 80s was like everyone was on

coke yes that's what it feels like I mean but 70s everything got sort of darker and grittier the music and the movies it feels like I mean I wasn't around but those are the best because the movies in the 60s were still sort of in a studio and they're bright and they're like musically and they stink movies in the 70s are definitely better right like dog day afternoon that's the best oh man yeah i mean think about all the great films taxi driver that's 70s right 76 both godfathers jaws oh yeah deer hunter even alien alien was 79 yeah not no the 70s Even Alien. Alien was 79, believe it or not. No, the 70s. To me, 70s and 90s are sort of similar. They feel like they're both responses to this brighter, bubblier time, and they were great for films and music, there's a lot of films from the 80s

that don't hold up at all but a lot of films from the 70s hold up yeah absolutely I mean Dog Day Afternoon is like I think like the most underrated movie ever I think it's like one of the best movies ever it's also crazy that like The Godfather

won best picture and was like the biggest movie at the box office and it's like an art house movie it's like an art house movie. It's like a, it could be like an independent type of, I know there's big stars in it, but it's like a slow movie about like a family. It's not like,

there's not explosion. I mean, there's an explosion obviously, but movies were slow then, right? Yeah. It's just like the number one box office movie now is like, you know,

X-Men nine or whatever. What was, what year was Serpico? Serpico is, I'm going to guess. I'm going to say 78. Boy, this is tough. All right. I'm so good with movies and years, but that one I don't know. I'm going to say 73.

I just took a swing. 73? Nailed it. Bam. Nailed it. I'm very good with movies and years. That's another great classic. What about The Exorcist?

I want to say The Exorcist was 78. I'm going to say 73 again on that one. Go for it. 73 again? I'm unstoppable. Joe List on fire. I got a lot of knowledge of Rocky. I want to say Rocky 76.

I'm going to say 76 on that one as well. Spirit of 76. Remember because Apollo Creed, he was going to fight him. Yeah. Right? It was going to fight him. Yeah. Right? It was New Year's Eve. Remember? Because Apollo Creed was like fighting the Italian stallion.

Yeah. Yeah. See? Yeah. Rocky's the best. That was the 2200th anniversary of our great country. Right. I watched Rocky.

I had like neurovirus and I was puking and shitting like crazy in a hotel in And Long Island neuro virus. I was like insane. I mean, I was the sickest I've ever been It was like I was kicking heroin like I was literally shitting and puking at the same time in the show. What's a neuro virus? I think that's what it's called right now. I'm just Noro virus? Noro virus. Ah fuck. Does that mean anything more to you? Well, yeah neuro is like nerves and neurons. Oh no sorry No, I meant how do you say it? Noro. Noro virus. What is that shit?

Very contagious virus that causes vomiting and diarrhea. People of all ages can get infected and sick with norovirus. Norovirus spreads easily. Look at the exclamation point. What's up with that? People with norovirus illness can shed Billions of norovirus particles And only a few Virus particles can make other people sick

Holy shit I mean I think that's what I had I mean I had the puking and shitting I don't think I got everyone sick Maybe I did and I just left a wake of death and shit behind me But I was watching it I was having like throw up in 20 minute intervals And I was watching Rocky And I just started sobbing I got like emotional and I was watching it. I was having like throw up in 20 minute intervals and I was watching Rocky and I just started sobbing

I got emotional The scene where he's laying in bed with Adrian the first movie I kind of hate the rest of them But he's laying there and he's like I just want to prove I'm not another bum from the neighborhood and I just started like sobbing and my wife was like what's wrong with you? It's norovirus. It's such a beautiful film. It's amazing. It's an amazing film.

I went running around the block. I was, how old was I? 76. I was nine years old. I went running around the block when I saw that movie. I thought I was going to be Rocky. I'm like, I got to go running. Never ran.

All of a sudden I'm running. I was eating raw eggs and shit. Remember everybody drank raw eggs after that film? Yeah, that's not good for you, I don't think. I don't think it's bad. I think it depends on where you're getting the eggs. We found out through, I think, Moby, of all people, we were mocking him.

It turns out it was true. How many people get salmonella every year from eggs? We were like, shut the fuck up, Moby. That's bullshit. And then we Googled it. And it turns out it's quite a few. Oh, I eat a lot of eggs. I mean, that might have been what I had. I did, too.

I was so sick. It was horrendous. I thought it was norovirus. You can't just change your mind because of Moby. It was bad. I think I might have told this story last time I was here. I was supposed to be opening for Louie. It was the first time I ever was opening for Louie, and I got so sick, and I was texting

him being like, I can still make it. I'm puking every 20 minutes. I can do 15. And he was like, don't come anywhere near me. Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you? Well, at the time, I was like, I mean, it ended up being an opportunity, but I thought this is a big moment. Segura got me sick like that once.

He just didn't want to not do the show. And then I'm like, bro, I would have paid you to not get me sick. Right. Just stay home. Because me and Diaz were already there. We didn't need a third person. You could have just stayed home. But he just wasn't totally sure how sick he was.

Well, that's show business. You think like, I have to do this. just stayed home, but he just wasn't totally sure how sick he was. Well, that's show business. You think like everything, like I have to do this. This is like the only chance I'm ever going to have. I had to do it. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that was the early days when Tommy Bunz was just coming up. Now he's balling. He moved here yesterday.

He's here now. Oh, wow. Does it feel good, like your ego that all these people are following you here, does it kind of make you feel like something? A lot of responsibility. It feels like I'm an asshole for getting these people to follow me. I think it's a great place to be, though. There's a lot of clubs here now.

There's a lot of, like, places you can work here. It's, like, legitimately a good spot to do stand-up. And the local scene's very good. There's a lot of good comics here. Yeah. Well, you've ruined it for me because my wife's family all lives here, and we've always been like, maybe we should move to Austin. It's warm. It's a little better good comics here. Yeah. Well, you ruined it for me because my wife's family all lives here, and we've always been like, maybe we should move to Austin. It's warm.

It's a little better. We've got family. This is where our family can be. We can fly out. Come move here. But now if I move here, people are like, oh, he's one of these guys following Rogan. Come on. Come on.

Stop it. I almost got killed last night in the street. What are you shooting me? You were with the wrong people. I was alone, so I guess. You'll be fine. Yeah. No, but it's a great city, and I got family here.

I love it. Yeah. I love it here. It's great. city, and I got family here. I love it. Yeah, I love it here. It's great. It's quiet. It's quiet. It's calm. People are cool. They're friendly.

I had the exact opposite experience last night. You were in a bad spot. You could be in a bad spot in any city in the world. You could be in the nicest, sweetest neighborhood. You'd fucking run into the wrong folks. You just ran into some angry homeless dudes but think about what they did to you as opposed to what they would do to you if you were in new york city right if you run into angry people on the street in new york city you probably would have

got shot possibly yeah i don't beat up it feels like they're a little more aggressive down here just one experience maybe just one experience. I don't know. Maybe you're right. This is bias sampling. Sampling bias. That's what we all do, right? Of course, sure. For sure, yeah.

And maybe it was fine. Maybe I could have just been like, ah, take it easy. Yeah, maybe they just wanted to scare you. Well, you know, it sounded like they didn't like you. That's fair. Maybe they saw my special

and this guy's a fucking hack. Fuck you, you loser. Maybe they wanted to give you some material. Yeah, no, it's fair. Whatever. It is a sketchy area, though. That area downtown, it can get sketchy. There's a lot of cops down there, though, and a lot of them are on horses.

Well, I imagine the lady said the weekend when people come back to go to the bars and stuff it's a little when people come back they're back you go to 6th street on a Saturday night it is mobbed it's like coronavirus doesn't exist no one's got a mask on they're all wandering around there was a New York Times article

that said that there's never been one single recorded case of anyone getting coronavirus from being outside. Is that true? Yeah, I read. I don't know if that's true, but I think you have to be really close and making out, I think. But there was a bit of a controversy because the CDC said under 10%,

which is a little bit like saying under a million people, you know. Under 10%. Under 10% of transmissions happen outdoors. But the real number is like 0.01%. So it's like, it's a misleading stat to say under 10%, whereas it is under 10%. It's way under. It's under 1% this year.

Yeah. Misleading CDC number. We have a special edition of the newsletter on a misleading CDC statistic. Yeah, that's it. Less than 10% of COVID-19 transmissions are occurring outdoors. Media organizations repeated this statistic and it quickly became a standard description of the frequency of outdoor transmission. But the number is almost certainly misleading. It appears to be based on,

partly on a misclassification of some COVID transmission that actually took place in enclosed spaces, as I explained below. An even bigger issue is the extreme caution of CDC officials who picked a benchmark 10% so high that nobody could reasonably dispute it. That benchmark seems to be a huge exaggeration. Dr. Mujsevec, a virologist at the University of St. Andrews. Yuj Sevik, a virologist at the University of St. Andrews. In truth, the share of transmission that has occurred outdoors seems to be below 1% and maybe below 0.1%. Multiple epidemiologists told me the rare outdoor transmission that has happened almost all seems to have involved crowded places or close conversation.

to have involved crowded places or close conversation. Saying that less than 10% of COVID transmissions occurs outdoors is akin to saying that sharks attack fewer than 20,000 swimmers a year. The actual worldwide number is around 150. It's both true and deceiving. Aha. Jaws, another great movie from the 70s. Fuck yeah, it's a great movie. Can I really smoke this?

Yeah, man. Come on, we got more. Oh, all right. I'll come along with you. Oh, you have a humidor. Oh, nice. Yeah. Maybe I should get one from the humidor. This feels a little... It's from yesterday. Oh, all right. Oh, you have a humidor. Oh, nice. Maybe I should get one from the humidor.

This feels a little, uh, it's from yesterday. Oh, all right. Well, now I feel like an asshole. Um, but yeah, it's interesting cause I was just in, um, Oregon last week hiking in sun river and it was gorgeous and beautiful Mount hood. That's so white. You're so privileged to be able to hike in Oregon. That's right. That's a white male privilege thing to do, hiking in Oregon. No, I saw zero black people. I was going to be like, no, no. Do you know Oregon was actually developed

specifically as like a white separate estate? I did not know that. Yeah, no. If you don't know, now you know. Yeah, that's the story of Oregon, I believe. Is that correct, Jamie? I might have made that up.

I might have made that up. Well, I was out there and then we were hiking in Mount Hood and there was like an older couple that had stopped on the mountain and as I was passing them, the guy was like, oh, sorry. And I was like, oh, no problem. It's a beautiful day to be up here.

And then the lady just like looked at me real angrily and put her mask on as I was like passing. And I felt bad. I'm like, I feel like you're not reading the articles. Like we're outside in the middle of the woods. You're fine. Well, some people don't have a chance, right? Like how many fucking articles can you read? You know, if you're out there living your life and you're working all day and you have a family and what have you,

like, do you really have the time to be reading these fucking articles and try to keep up with what's the latest? Well, I guess so, but not that specific article. But I feel like we've known for a while that outdoor transmission. But also, you know, you're making me feel like a jerk now. You're right. Maybe she's a good person that she hates me so many people don't know So much about so many things that you'd assume they do because you do right yes I suppose so I feel shamed you're shaming me, and I think that's part of your white privilege to shame

You got a good point a fellow comedian, but there's a lighter. Yeah, I got one sorry I Don't mean to shame for real. I just mean to shame for humor. Humor only. Yeah, I don't really feel shamed either. Do I stink? Is this the worst episode you've ever done? I feel like I'm eating shit.

It's a great episode. What are you talking about? I'm enjoying the shit out of it, dude. Listen, man. I know the fact that you've got self-esteem issues, but I think you're a fucking hilarious stand-up comedian. I think you're a great guy. I always enjoy talking to you, and I'm happy to pump you up and to get you over this hump.

Thank you. What a funny time to be lighting a cigar as you're like, no, I think you're great, and I'm over here. You're like, yeah, I'm the shit, bro. My fat stogie. I feel like I don't have a good cigar look. I feel like a guy, when I'm smoking, people are like, look at this fucking asshole pretending to be cool. Okay, well, I look like, look at that fucking asshole smoking a cigar.

You do, yeah. Look at that bald, fat-headed fuck with a stupid cigar in my mouth. Me and Bobby Kelly should be lying about things. Sitting next to each other, smoking cigars, lying. I love Bobby. Bobby's a big cigar guy. I know, that's why I brought him up. To most cigars. We're both fat-headed, bald guys. Yeah. No, a big cigar guy. He's brought him up the most

Fat-headed bald guys. Yeah. No Bobby's the best. He's a great guy. I love Bobby Bobby's a guy We smoke at a cigar place now Bobby's I don't know where you fall. Well, you're a Very big celebrity I guess but Bobby's a guy that doesn't mind mentioning that he's the comedian and mixed company I've never told anybody I'm a comedian in my life Like we'll be like a cigar lounge, and he's just talking comedy. I'm like, people are going to overhear us. And then guys are like, hey, I can't help but overhear. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Now we've got to talk comedy with these people.

Yeah, if people don't know what I do for a living, it's always one of them, I've got to pick a thing that I tell them. I do that. I always say, I was talking to Brian Regan I'm really name dropping here but I was hanging out with Brian Regan and we were talking about our fake jobs on the road

and I said I always say I'm visiting my friend just had a baby that's why I'm in town if a cab driver asked me and it always worked and nobody ever questioned it but then Regan was like what he's like who gets on a plane to go visit their friend's baby and then regan goes into his regan voice and he's like my friend had a baby in st louis and next week my friend had a baby in kansas city he's

sitting on me but he was telling a story where him and his brother golfed and it was just the two of them they put him with another pair or two other guys. Dennis, the other comic? Yeah, and their thing was they said we're painters. That's like their thing that they always say. But golfing, it's like a four-hour day. So people naturally start asking questions about- What kind of paint you like? Yeah, and he's like, we had not thought it through at all. And then Regan's doing it.

You can't even impersonate Regan because he's so funny that it's not worth it. Yeah, paint. He's like, yeah, we use the outdoor paint. And he's doing the whole, and I'm like on the floor laughing. I mean, that guy is like the funniest guy. He's so funny and he's such a nice guy. He's one of the best examples of that you do not have to swear or be dirty to be ridiculously funny. Yeah.

Some people say, I only like guys who swear. Like, go see Brian Regan. No. You know? Because he's, and his stuff, like, on paper, like, try to take this concept and turn it into what he does. Like, you're not going to do it. It's like, he's got his style down, or he could kind of talk about anything.

Fuck, yeah, coffee. I like a coffee. And the next thing, he's got a bid on coffee. Yeah, I mean, he's like magically funny. It's unbelievable how funny he is. And I saw him, the best, I always say, the best show I've seen of any kind, band or comedy, whatever,

I saw him at the Comedy Connection in Boston in Faneuil Hall on like a Sunday at like 7 o'clock. Wow. This was like 15 years ago. And I laughed so hard I had to look away. I had to stop looking because I was feeling like sick to my stomach. And it looked like somebody threw a hand grenade into the

audience. Like people were fucking losing their minds. It was like it was nuts. It was like deaf comedy jam. People were like smashing the table and like getting up. It was unbelievable. It's like still the best show I've ever seen. That's awesome. DePaulo told the story but when he moved to new york from boston he said the first comic he saw was regan and he almost packed up and moved out because he was like i can't this is insane and somebody had to be like no no that's regan he's like the best guy

and he's like oh okay yeah you if you're young and you're starting out you could see somebody and it'll really throw a fucking monkey wrench into your idea of what's funny. Yeah, it's like, oh, this is a better class, and someone has to be like, no, no, he's just like the best guy you're seeing. What the fuck is, I'm blanking on his last name, but he was genius. The big pants, we're big pants people.

Kevin. Oh, Kevin Meaney. Kevin Meaney. I saw Kevin Meaney when I was fresh out of high school. I saw him at Catch a Rising Star before I ever did stand-up, and I remember just not understanding what was happening. Yeah. Just laughing so hard I didn't understand what he was doing.

Like, everything he did was funny. Yeah. Every movement was funny. Every expression was funny. It was me and my friend and Diane DeRosa. Shout-out to Diane DeRosa. We're just crying laughing at this guy. And I just remember walking out of there like I had just seen someone do magic.

I might have been like maybe 20 or something at the time. I'm not even sure how old I was. But I remember like walking out of there like I had just seen a magician, like a sorcerer. Yeah. Like what did he do how did that happen the whole place was catch rising star was a great club it was in cambridge it was a classic club low ceiling maybe like 160 180 people maybe i don't remember how many people but it's small tight packed in roars just roars of laughter right yeah he's he was so funny we did um aruba there's a gig in aruba and we did it together and like off stage he had me fucking crying laughing

i mean you guys did a gig in aruba yeah like a week there's a gig down there aruba ray aruba ray's comedy really ray ellen do you know ray ellen he's a boston guy i don't know if he started in boston though ray Allen. He's been around New York forever. Okay. And he's got a gig down there. And we were down there. Had a great time. Is it a comedy club? Yeah, it's like a club in a hotel.

It's one of those things like you don't make money but you stay in like a five star hotel. It's like a vacation. And then you do 20 minutes. Yeah, but what if you bomb? And then you gotta go to the beach. That's a bummer. And then you do 20 minutes. Yeah, but what if you bomb? And then you gotta go to the beach. That's a bummer. Hey, there's that guy. We're gonna listen to you. One of my favorite comedy stories

ever. You know, Tony Woods? Sure. So I guess I hope Ray doesn't mind that I'm telling his story, but it's my favorite story. So Tony is just an amazing comic. Killer comic. Killer. Yeah. And big influence on Chpelle like a legend one of those guys and so he but he's late every night he's at the gig and he just keeps being

late for the show so ray the next time he comes ray loves him he's like he's the best guy and usually do like 20 minutes but tony's like let me do like 45 so everyone loves it because everyone's there trying to vacation so no one wants to do time, but Tony does. So they're like, perfect. So Ray moves Tony's hotel. He's like, I think he was like on the eighth floor. He's got a balcony. That's probably why he's distracted.

I'm going to move him to the room across the hall. So he's like, that way he's not late. So Dan Natterman's on stage. He's like featuring and Ray, or not featuring, but whatever, going before Tony. So Ray knocks on Tony's door and goes hey I just gave Nat him in the light and Tony goes all right I'll jump in the shower he's like he's got the two minute light and Tony's like let me take a shower real quick Jesus Christ I'm like that is so never been that relaxed in my life I've that's what I'm like

I'm like a guy that circles the block I get places three hours early like I've been been that relaxed in my life. That's what I'm like. I'm like a guy that circles the block. I get places three hours early. I've been in your front bushes since 10 a.m. I have mad panics if I have to take a shit and someone's got the light and you don't know what to do. If you've got to do an hour and you have to take a shit and then I'm giving them the light like, oh, no. Oh, no. Can I hold this? I always time my feature act to make sure I have time to shit.

It was explicitly so I know if I have time to shit. Do you shit when you get nervous? Yes. I shit when I get nervous. But also, I just have a bad diet. I eat a lot of Chipotle and a lot of smoothies. And so my shits are, Louis had that great joke, every shit I've ever taken is an emergency. That's how I feel.

It hits me, like, hard. And then cigars, too. I'm like, I like cigars, and I and I like chipotle and I like smoothies and I drink a lot of tea so there's a lot of factors the cigars open up your shits as well oh yeah nicotine for sure oh really oh it's a stimulant right yeah I know people that smoke cigarettes just occasionally to take a shit well they do the cigarette and coffee and then they unload right release the hounds yes absolutely the craziest shits I ever had in my life I was on a carnivore diet for a month and I documented them because I took pictures and I only sent them to my friends but it was the same literally like there's an oil leak in my toilet like it was like dark dark brown liquid that would just come flying

out of my ass and but i lost a lot of weight and then i told sagura about it and then tom sagura got on the uh carnivore diet as well and he sent me a text and i'll never forget he goes the diarrhea is astonishing it's funny because i ari is a friend of yours and a good friend of mine and i send him my shits all the time and bob kelly i'll send my shits to there's certain people yeah that it's just it's fun and you do it and then they send me theirs and i want to throw up but you think regular folks do that or it's only comedians no and i have an anecdote about that my best friend uh is a non-comic he's the only non-comic friend i have

but we're close and i was sending him pictures of shit and his co-worker was looking and he's like he shouldn't do that that's not cool and my friend was like oh it's funny and he was like no dude he's like that's not that's like you can't do that that's bad and he couldn't quite put his finger on why it's bad because he works because you have a job and you have to deal with human resources right well this is a human resource. It's shit. Shit is a human resource. But I had a similar thing where I have this acid reflux problem, probably

from cigars and Chipotle and pizza and shit. But somebody told me that what's the diet with no carbs? Keto. Someone's like, you should go keto. That'll help it. So I went keto, but I didn't know how to do it. So I was just eating organic peanut butter, like a jar of peanut butter. And I missed a set at the stand because I was there.

I was like, you got to switch with me. I think it was Norman. I was like, we got to switch because I would just shit like straight peanut butter for like eight minutes. I mean, like I'm not even not like you shit a little and then you can't Like eight straight minutes of like shit coming out of my ass. Like a self-soft serve ice cream? Absolutely. Yeah. It was bad.

Yeah, it sounds bad. But some people don't like it. Like Louie's a guy that like, he's like, if you send me a picture of shit, you won't hear from me ever again. I don't. He's like, do not do that. And I'm like, but we have like shit humor. We talk about shits. He's like, yeah, it's different.

He's like, he's not like the the fun in his face goes away he's like don't fucking do that and I'm like oh all right so some people are very serious about ideas just to leave them in the toilet for you we used to Joey when he was at his biggest was God he was probably I don't even know how much he weighed cuz he never really got on a scale that was like a cattle scale. You know what I mean? Like a regular scale taps out at like, what did they top

off at? Like 300-ish? He was way over 300. Joey's a big guy anyway. Right now he's thin. He's like 280. Right. And back in the day he was probably 380. Easily could have been 100 pounds bigger but he couldn't really sit on the toilet correctly because his ass was too big so

what he would do is he would he would sit like this he would kind of like sit where his his ass was touching the back thing where the lid sits and then he was really shitting on the beach not in the ocean so he would leave these logs i mean logs like my arm just laying there and then you would go into the bathroom to take a leak and you would lift up the thing and you go oh jesus and you'd hear and him laughing that he left a shit behind for you. He couldn't flush it because it wasn't in the water. Oh, God. And these giant shit logs

just washed up on the shore and you had to try to figure out a way to get them down in there while you're dry heaving. No, that's appalling. Leaving the shit, Ari does that too and he's got the bloody shits because I don't know what's wrong with him but he leaves like bloody and I had to be like I don't do, there's a lot of Ari humor that I have to be like, I don't do that. I'm not into that.

I don't like that. Yeah, Ari's had hemorrhoids as long as I've known him. Like, even when he was in high school, he used to have, to put, he talks about putting toilet paper in his underwear. Yes. To absorb the blood. Yes. And then sometimes it would fall out. It would stumble out if he was playing basketball,

this bloody toilet paper roll out of his asshole. Yeah, I don't like that. Supposedly he left one in my house somewhere, and we had to have a serious talk, and I had to be like, dude, I don't like that thing. Ari tries really difficult to make it to be his friend. Like he really makes it hard for people that are like, hey, how are you friends with that guy? And I just go, ah, that's whatever.

I've been friends with Ari since he was a doorman. Yeah. I met Ari when he was a doorman at the store. He should go back to being a doorman. Just starting. He was a young pup. Just starting. I just went and saw him in Ecuador when he was down there.

He's so crazy. We were the only ones, my wife and I were the only ones that visited. It made me feel good because he's like, a lot of people said they were going to visit, and you were the only ones that came. Well, why did he choose Ecuador? What was the thought process behind writing COVID out in a place where they have, what kind of hospitals they have down there? I don't know.

I try not to talk to him. I just wanted to use him for the house in Ecuador. No, I don't know i try not to talk to him i just wanted to use him for the house in ecuador but uh no i don't know i think he just wanted to because ari was a little covid crazy so i think he wanted to get into the woods he was mostly like in the woods but it was when i went down there it felt pretty safe down there because they got hit hard early and then but when we were down there we were like out in the middle of the woods. Oh, so did he do like an Airbnb? Like, how do you do that? Yeah. He kept doing Airbnb.

I mean, I think he might've gone broke eventually, but he kept staying like really cool Airbnbs and stuff. And so we stayed in this like beautiful place. So he just saved up a bunch of money and decided to spend it while he was down there. I think so. And then he continued to do his podcast too. So whatever money. Yeah.

Yeah. I saw pictures of you guys yeah it was like unbelievable it was awesome he's a wild dude ari he he lives his life in a very unique way because he's really free you know like a lot of people like try to pretend to be free especially when they start to make some money ari's like legitimately free like he does not think about he thinks about making money like he's gonna need some money But he doesn't think about making money like I want to be rich like he doesn't think like that at all He just thinks like what do I want to do? You know? Yeah, absolutely

It's funny because he has you know, he does his stuff with his social media trolling and so people have The wrong idea of Ari a lot. They're like this guy is just an asshole and I'm like, he's actually like the most thoughtful Person I know he's a very nice guy. Yeah. There's a lot of our friends that are like that, that are, they come off the wrong way, whether it's, uh, on stage or whether it's, uh, on social media or, you know, you, you, you see him in like little bits and pieces, you see him in little blips and you get an idea of what you think they are. And there's, you know, you got to get to know people.

You don't know people when they're performing that much. You know, you kind of know him a little bit on podcasts. If you hear Ari on podcasts, you get a better sense of who he is. Absolutely, yeah. No, I got the shit's bad there too.

We're going to stick with the shit theme. So down there, you can't drink the water. It's like, you know, it's whatever it is uh the different bacteria and shit and so they're like whatever you do just don't drink the water from the faucet but i live in new york it's clean water and i also just have a trustee maybe this is white privilege but i just drink water out of the faucet so you drank the water down there out of the faucet no so i kept i'm a big tea drinker so i make a lot of tea and i kept going to make it out of the fuss he's like no no he'd stop me and be like you got to make it

out of the thing and i'm like shit all right i'm like what about boiling and they're like it doesn't even matter you just gotta really so we were there for like seven days or six days and like the sixth day i was like hey who wants tea anybody want tea and everyone's like i'm good and nobody was paying attention so i made it out of the faucet, drank my cup of tea. And you know, tea is like this relaxing, sipping bullshit.

And it was right before we went to bed. And like, I just got hit with like the worst shit. It's like out of nowhere. And then I went up and went to bed and I was like, ah, that was probably whatever. And then like my eyes sprung up like a movie.

And I was like, oh fuck. I made that tea from the faucet and then the next day we went like bird watching and i had to just keep ducking out and going to shit it was horrible bird watch i know it was embarrassing but uh and then we were driving back to like the main city and we had to stop every 10 minutes just have like the wildest diarrhea it was horrible yeah um our gut biome can't handle that shit that literal shit they can't we can't handle the bacteria that a lot of people can handle like like in mexico they say montezuma's revenge don't drink the water they can drink it right their

bodies used to it you know it's like uh i had this guy on the other day his name is michael easter he's a professor at unlv and he wrote a book called The Comfort Crisis. And one of the things they were talking about is people that live in other parts of the world where they're outdoors all the time. So they're always touching dirt, and they're eating animals that they killed and fish that they caught. And their gut biome is so different. So they tested their shit versus our shit. And our shit is like processed foods, Purell, you know, cigarettes.

Like there's nothing alive. Our gut biome is all whack. So that when we encounter the things that they just have no problem whatsoever processing, we're like on the bowl all day. Yeah. A friend of mine was talking, uh, this doctor and he said, even just, even if you didn't drink the water, just like the shot, the food, there's just different types of bacteria that we're just not used to.

Even if you're just eating the regular or whatever. Yeah, for sure. Just, just touching things. You know, you get so much bacteria just from touching things and then touching your mouth or touching your food and then it gets in your mouth. Yeah, so But it was it was amazing and fun and fucking beautiful. Have you started doing stand-up again in New York? Yeah, the cellar is open. It's back I mean, it's a little bit weird because they're not full capacity and there's like plastic dividers and shit

So that's gonna help it's a different kind of rule. I mean, it's all theater it's so like it is and we're still doing the mic switch you have to show shit I didn't know your table sorry between each comic yeah which does fuck up your momentum a little bit that weird exchange and you can't get it in so it's a little bizarre but it's it's so nice to be back I just switched to wireless and if they switch to wireless they can spray them down in between each set oh I don't know well I think they? And if they switch to wireless, they can spray them down in between each set. Oh, I don't know. Well, I think they're hoping that this is going to be... I heard July 1st, it's like we're going to be all systems go in New York.

I don't know. But we'll see. But yeah, it's back and we're running spots and it's fucking beautiful. It's magical. I think they're saying June 15th for California, but I don't know if that applies to performance. I think that is what they're talking about for other things. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that applies to performance. I think that is what they're talking about for other things. Yeah, I don't know. I got so burnt out on news and COVID, all this shit, that I just stopped.

And I got vaccinated, and I feel good about it, and I'm done. Did you have any side effects? So the first shot, not really. My arm was sore. And then the second shot shot which everyone was like that one's gonna fuck you up a little bit whatever i got the shot like 10 30 in the morning my wife got it four hours later and like 11 30 that night i started to be like i feel a little fucked up like a little like um like a little bit like you feel at the end of the flu like a little

like like kooky and just a little funny wacky and I took like two Tylenol PM because I heard that you're gonna have muscle aches and all this shit and so I took two Tylenol PM and just passed out like crazy and I woke up and the next day I felt a little rundown and the day after that I felt a hundred percent um which one did you get the Pfizer Moderna Moderna yeah the real shit the real shit that's the that has the worst side effects, supposedly. Yeah, supposedly. But I think, I don't know, for whatever reason, it didn't fuck me up.

I don't know if I'm healthy or what. It's different people have different reactions. My parents had almost no reaction. They were like tired for a day, you know, and they're in their 70s. Yeah, well, I heard the older you are, because the better your immune system, the more you deal with because your immune system's reacting or whatever. But, no, I feel good, but in my

mind, like, I've read articles that the vaccines are miraculous and amazing and all this shit so I'm like, I'm not, I'm like done. I'm doing meet and greets and whatever. I mean, I wear the mask when people want me to wear the mask because I'm trying to be a good citizen. Are you taking vitamins and all that other good stuff? No. Should I be taking vitamins? Don't freak me out. I'm a hypochondriac.

No, you should definitely take vitamins because there have been a lot of what they call breakthrough cases of people that are vaccinated and still get sick. Although the CDC doesn't count those, they're only counting people that are hospitalized or dead after breakthrough cases. So they're not counting. So because the whole idea behind being vaccinated is it's supposed to prevent you not necessarily 100% from getting sick, but definitely help if, you know, keep you from getting really sick. Right. Right.

So their idea is like there's going to be some breakthrough cases depending upon your immune system, how you take care of yourself, vitamins, whether you're run down, all the above, all things that apply normally. Right. But then they're paying attention to people that are hospitalized. So they're only counting those. I see. That's what they call breakthrough cases.

I got you. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Hopefully I don't die. But I'm worried about it. You should take vitamins anyway. You should always be healthy. I never know.

I'm like some people, vitamins, they're like that's a waste. And some people it's great. Who are those people? I don't know. Vitamins are definitely not a waste and some people it's great Who are those people? I don't know Vitamins are definitely not a waste Take them with food it's a nice Insurance policy there's stuff you can Take too like athletic greens

Is a great supplement that's real Easy just mix it with water Tastes good and it's got a lot of vitamins A lot of it's got Probiotics It's got a lot of good stuff in it. I try to do a big smoothie every day. Spinach, banana, blueberry, all that shit.

That's good. That's good. That's good. I try to be healthy. There's some things you're not going to necessarily get the right amount of from food. Vitamin D is a big one of that. And it's a huge one for your immune system. Yeah.

I was taking some vitamin D for a little bit. You should take that. All right. I'll take some vitamin D, some vitamin D for a little bit. You should take that. All right. I'll take some vitamin D, some vitamin Dizzle. In one study, 84% of the people that were in the ICU with COVID were deficient in vitamin D, and only 4% had sufficient levels. That's what I, yeah, I heard that. It's a big one for your immune system.

It's also a hormone. Vitamin D is actually a hormone that your body produces in the sun. Right. I get a good amount of sun. I exercise. Do you think I'm dying? I think you're Right. I get a good amount of sun. I exercise. Do you think I'm dying? I think you're good. I'm starting to freak out.

Don't freak out. You're fine. I do a bit. I don't want to do bits on the show, but I do a joke about it. I don't have health insurance, so sometimes I'll just overhear people shitting in public, and then I'm like, oh, I'm fine.

What if you have norovirus spraying out from your asshole? Yeah, if it's norovirus, I could be collecting that. But you know what I mean? Sometimes you hear people, and they're like, and I'm like, all right, well, I could be collecting that but you know me like sometimes you hear people and they're like And I'm like, all right. Well, I'm definitely healthier than that guy. You know what I mean? So I feel like I'm alright Yeah, it's always relative right if you live in a nursing home, you're probably I'm fine for these fucks. Well, I think Now I'm just getting my insecurities are coming out about my health, but I have to remind myself I'm like I don't smoke other than a cigar that I'm currently

smoking right now. And I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I exercise. I'll be all right, right? I was reading this article about these folks that escaped from a nursing home. A couple escaped from a nursing home. A man and a woman, they got out and then they were wandering around.

They got them like a half hour later. But they had this elaborate way of getting out where they listened to the keypad. You know, doot, doot, doot, doot. Yeah. And they figured out what the number sequence was to unlock the door. And then they escaped. But like should someone who's that clever be locked in a fucking house? And should you have the ability to tell them they can't go anywhere?

locked in a fucking house and should you have the ability to tell them they can't go anywhere because the idea is like if you really want them to be under 24-hour care and supervision and you know locked down like that where they can't go anywhere shouldn't the idea be that they're compromised like how compromised are they like once they get in is that it like you can't like pass a test you can't be like hey you you know, I used to be a little loopy But now I'm pretty good So good in fact that I listened to when the guard was punched in the numbers and I figured out what those numbers are I think I think I can live on my own and I don't like being here I don't like you telling me when I have to eat and when I have to do other things

So let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I completely agree I mean that seems like a good test if you can figure out your way out you will find that story because it's a kind of Interesting story, but these these this it was a couple that story, because it's kind of an interesting story. But it was a couple, like this fucking Bonnie and Clyde of the old folks home. They just said, we're getting out of here, Mabel. Anybody name their kid Mabel anymore? I don't think so. It's over, right?

Maybe. I don't know. Karen's done, right? Yeah, Karen's, that sucks. What a drop off. Yeah. No, Karen is out. I dated a girl named Karen. She was nice. Karen is out. I dated a girl named Karen.

She was nice. Karen. I think they're good fellas. Karen. Why? Not without your cockies, you're not. What did you do with my fucking Coke? Those code make me.

What's that? Do you know where that was by any chance? No, I don't. If I hear something like that, I always assume it's New York. Like locking their family up. Those codes. They remind me of the bathroom at the cellar you need the code to get downstairs

and Keith Robinson, you know Keith right? he's like one of the funniest guys ever he likes to fuck with everyone, he gives people the wrong code and he did it to me one time I was a new comic, I wasn't even working there and he was the only one at the table and I was like do you know the code? and he gave me the wrong code

and I just thought it was so funny because I'm trying to get down there and I'm like fuck table and I was like do you know the code and he gave me the wrong code and I just thought it was so funny because I'm trying to get down there and I'm like fuck and I look like an idiot but there wasn't even anyone else at the table it was just for his own pleasure and I'm like that's a that's a real comic who's fucking with young comic even when there's no audience I worked at a theater

once in Florida and Wanda Sykes and Keith were there the night the show before me what does it say Tennessee elderly couple used Morse code to escape assisted living facility yeah that's it an elderly couple in Tennessee briefly escaped from a secure memory care unit and an assistant living assisted living facility earlier this year after cracking the code for the electronic door, according to a report on the incident. The unnamed couple have dementia and Alzheimer's disease, respectively.

They successfully figured out the door code and walked out of the facility in Lebanon, Tennessee. They were found by a stranger about 30 minutes later and returned to the home. They were not harmed during the short excursion, which occurred on March 2nd. The man later explained that he had previously worked with Morse code in the military

and had used that experience to decipher the code to open the door and leave according to the report from a Tennessee board for licensing healthcare facilities. The facility in question has been fined $2,000 following the incident and has changed all the codes for its exits.

How the fuck are they supposed to know that this guy's going to figure out the code by listening? Yeah, no. Why are you fining them, you assholes? That's impressive. I mean, that's great. Have you seen the movie The Father, the Anthony Hopkins movie? No. It's a new movie.

No, it's a new one? It's new, yeah. He won Best Actor, and it's pretty great, but it's about dimension. It's kind of told through his perspective. It's pretty fucking great. There's a movie that I said I loved, and a lot of people are shitting on me for it, called I Care A Lot, with that lady,

my new favorite actress. What's her name again? Rosamund Pike. She's awesome. She plays the best psycho. She must be so wild in real life. She plays such a good psycho, but it's about a lady who scams people

into these old folks' care facilities and has has them locked and then profits off of them and she was like this like huge roster of people that she's collecting money off of that she locks in these old folks homes and then once she gets him in there she takes all their possessions and auctions them off and what's his face from Game of Thrones Peter Dinklage was in it. He's amazing too. I fucking loved it, but God damn, I heard a lot of people hated it. They're like, how high were you, Rogan? I didn't watch it.

People are just mad. My wife watched it and liked it. Some people are mad. Do you think that is going to go away, this people are mad thing? Because it seems like people got more mad over the last year, and I attributed a lot of it to being locked down, not being able to go outside, not having their job anymore, not having the regular life that we're accustomed to. Yeah, I think that's part of it.

But I think also, I think a lot of this stuff has always been going on. It's just social media, you hear about it more because you always hear these stories in the 70s or whatever, where the switchboard was lighting up and they got 300 000 calls but you only hear we got 300 000 calls where now that you see the emails and the tweets and stuff i think people have always been pretty angry right maybe i don't know there's a little bit of that is also the squeaky wheels right it's like people have always been angry but you don't hear from them because they didn't have social media it's like a certain percentage of the population was unheard they just they didn't get their their voice out there right and now they're on twitter just bitching about

things all the time and you can get confused if you read that stuff and think that's most people but it's not i think the number of people complaining is the same but the number of people that you're hearing complain is much larger yeah that's what i mean and like i i heard a stat that like i forget the stat and maybe it's look up a bull but like twitter like 88 percent of the country is not on twitter and then um 90 percent of people on Twitter don't even tweet. They just follow Twitter. Because I remember, I forget what story, some story about a comic or whatever was trending on my thing

and then it said like 8,988 tweets. And you're like, there's more people at the fucking Mets game than that. And how many people are in those tweets? How many people are tweeting multiple times? Exactly, or multiple accounts and stuff. Facebook is the weirdest one for me because Facebook is a thing where you have these long diatribes. People write these long – I never got into it. I've never been like an avid Facebook user.

They would write these long-ass fucking things, and then everybody underneath would be complaining and bitching about it. And you could write these long-ass responses to these long- fucking things and then everybody underneath would be complaining and bitching about it and you could write these long ass responses to these long ass things yeah it's not uh healthy and i just i i kind of hate it i like instagram the best because i like photos and shallow it's easy it feels a little less uh controversial nobody gets mad yeah facebook i hate and twitter to me was like for a while I felt like was mostly jokes and now it feels like a very toxic. Yeah, it was mostly jokes with us, with our,

our immediate group. But then something happened during the lockdown with a lot of comics that aren't working. You know, they weren't working before very much and then it all got shut off. And then when certain people started working again, they were bitching about those people working. And you couldn't tell if they were really legitimately concerned those people were out there super spreading

or whether they were just upset that these people were working and they weren't. You know, it was like probably a little bit of both in some cases. But it just got to be, like, not fun. Yeah, it's not fun, exactly. It's taken a lot of the fun out and it's weird there's a lot of and this is talked about so much but there's a lot of stuff in comedy where people are angry tweeting about things it's gotten really serious and i always think about the um casino

again all comes back to movies and scorsese but there's the great scene in casino where he's talking about pesci's talking about how De Niro takes gambling so serious. And he's like, a million times I had to say, we're supposed to be robbing this place, you dumb motherfucker, whatever. That's how I feel with comedy. I'm like, we're supposed to be beating the system. Right. Like, we're living a silly alternative lifestyle. We're not working and we're not dealing with HR and all this stuff.

And some of it's good to make it a safer place and all that shit. But sometimes I'm like, what are you doing? I thought we were supposed to be like goofing around here. I think also one of the things that happened is we lost our social circle because no one's socializing. Right. You know, when you're isolated. Like I have some friends that didn't see anybody for four or five months. They just go to the grocery store and then come home.

I'm like, Jesus, man, that's so bad for your head. Yes, absolutely. And it's weird. And that's another reason to stay off social media as much as possible because I see people that I love in person and they're so fun or funny or just good people. And then I'll read what they're writing and I'm like, oh, my God, this is appalling. What an asshole. So it's like it's better to just not see that and just have the experiences in person. Yeah, well, that's how we're supposed to communicate.

I think that's also one of the reasons why people like podcasts so much because you're sitting down and you're actually just talking to someone. Yeah. No, it's healthy. It's like I listen to all these mental health podcasts and books and all this stuff. I'm really into the shit. What do you like for podcasts, mental health podcasts? 10% Happier with Dan Harris is great.

Oh, Dan Harris. Yeah. He's a great guy. Yeah. I've had him on before. Yeah. And I think he was on with Sam Harris. No relation.

Sam Harris is like my, I fucking love that guy. I love him too. The Waking Up app is just like unbelievable and like changed my whole life. That guy's like unbelievable. Yeah, he's one of the smartest people I've ever met and most logical thinking too. Yeah. And very rarely says um. Yeah, no, he's like incredible and the way – it's funny because he's also I guess controversial for his stances on religion and race or whatever.

But I'm like – so I'll be, I listen to the Waking Up podcast and meditation app, and I'm like, this guy's like my guru. People are like, that guy's this and this. And I'm like, oh, I don't give a fuck about that. I'm talking about the meditation neuroscientist part. Those people that say that guy is this, it's like people just love to put people in a category and be dismissive.

It's just this reductionist perspective. You want to take whatever he said in the most uncharitable way possible and then decide that's who he is. He's a piece of shit because of X. And he's not. If you meet him, he's a lovely guy. I love that guy. He's a really nice guy, a super sweet, very kind guy, super open-minded, but he's also brave. He'll take a controversial stance on something if he feels like he's correct, whether it's on religion or whether it's on free will or a number of very controversial subjects.

But it's because he's thought it through and he thinks it's worth arguing. Yeah. No, he's, like, I mean, the guy, like, changed my life. That waking up app is, like, and I've been really into Buddhism and meditation for years and years, but he does such an amazing job teaching it and articulating it. I recommend it to anybody.

Like, I think like that guy is like saving lives. I think he is too. I think a lot of people are out there saving lives. People that are expressing themselves honestly in a way that resonates with other people that are listening and gets them to change their perspective. It gets them to like shift and adjust. And you know, there's, there there's a lot of there's a lot of nonsense out there that doesn't really help but then there's some things that fucking really help you know i've been real vocal about my love for this uh book the four agreements oh yeah i know that yeah it's fucking great man it's it's so it's an easy read and it's so legit i read the fifth agreement which is a little bit redundant but it's a lot there's a lot of good information in that too and it's so legit. I read the fifth agreement, which is a little bit redundant, but there's a lot of good information in that too.

And there's this extra agreement, which is be skeptical but verify. I think that's what it is. You know, which is be skeptical. Maybe that's it. Open-minded but verify. But those agreements like be impeccable with your word. If you just decide now, from now on, from now on, I mean, it's hard because you think about when you've been an idiot before, you said stupid shit before, abandon that. Let it go. You did it. No matter what

you do, you can't fix the past. You can't. It's nothing you can do. You can't change it. You can't go back and rewind and I'm gonna do it better this time like there's a lesson there's a valuable lesson and fucking up and This be impeccable with your word from here on out as much as you can It's such a good fucking thing to think of and then the other one don't take things personally. That's so good It's so good Those are those just those two alone will get you so far in this life, you know Yeah, no, I love all that shit the happiness lab is another this woman Laurie Santos is a great podcast happiness lab

Yeah, she has you know scientists and all this stuff talking about things that make us happy and conversations eye contact nature all these things really helpful, but yeah, I'm really into like Jack Kornfield and Thich Nhat Hanh these Buddhist meditation to our Duncan Trussell's really into Jack Kornfield yeah it's but Duncan Trussell somebody that people tweet all the time like you guys should know each other cuz we're always talking

about yeah you should kind of each other I don't know I think he's just in LA we just never bumped into each other North Carolina now oh I moved now. Oh, all right. He moved to Asheville. But I had a podcast. I still have a podcast called Mindful Metal Jacket, and I have people on to talk about this kind of stuff. And it started with comics, and then I started to have these meditation teachers, Sharon Salzberg and Judd Brewer. Have you ever had him on, Judd Brewer?

No. Oh, you should have him on. He's a doctor. He wrote this book called Unwinding Anxiety, and he's an amazing guy. I love the name. Yeah, he's- No, I love the name of yours.

Oh, Mindful Metal Jacket? Oh, thanks. I appreciate it. Mindful Metal Jacket is a great name. Yeah, I got a logo. It's from Full Metal Jacket, and it looks like the helmet and stuff. That's awesome. Yeah.

What does it say on the helmet? It says, born to worry. Instead of born to kill. No, thanks. I should mention podcast. By the way, everyone gave me shit because I was on the show before, and I never mentioned Tuesdays with Stories, my podcast with Mark. Oh, there it is.

Joe List, Mindful Metal Jacket. Yeah. But people still must have gone to it anyway. I think so, yeah. But it never came up, and I'm like, people are like, you're a fucking idiot. You just went on the biggest show, and you didn't plug any of your shit. So I have a podcast Tuesdays with Stories with Mark but everyone

knows Mark now Norman is the shit I love that guy he's like the funniest guy he's so dedicated to comedy he's just pure funny he can't not be funny dedicated to the craft

he's one of those guys that just is funny. He can't not be funny. Dedicated to the craft. He loves it. He's one of those guys that just is funny. He can't help it. It's hard to have any kind of conversation. Even if he's trying to talk serious, it's hilarious. Well, he'll talk serious, but he'll sprinkle in some nonsense. He'll sprinkle in some yuck yucks. He's a pure comic, you know?

But it's also like, that's one of the things that I love about real comedy. Like, guys like him that are so dedicated to it, that are always fun to be around. First time I met him, we were hanging out, and then we went, I forget where it was. I want to say Atlanta. I forget where it was. But we wound up, all of us hanging out in the lobby of the hotel, you know, those couches that nobody sits in. We were there at like fucking four o'clock in the morning just shooting the shit. And then, you know, I could tell right away,

I'm like, all right, that's a real comic. Yeah, no, he's like the funniest person. Funniest person not from Boston. Where's he from? He's from New Orleans. Oh, that's right. That's a wacky place to grow up, huh? Oh, yeah.

I think he like grew up in the city. Yeah. They're wild there, man. I remember the first time I went to New Orleans, just when you're just walking on the street and you see everybody just drinking, open, carrying their booze, just walking down the street. You just walked down the street with beverages. Yeah. That's a town I never went to when I was drinking and I'm kind of grateful. I feel like it might have gone bad. I forgot that you were sober. I would have never offered you a drink. Imagine if you fell off the wagon. Oh, that's okay. Right here

on Rogan. Shit. Shit. No, I'm pretty. I'm good. How many years have you been sober? Eight and a half. December of 2012. Shazam, son. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, it's nice. Ready to get to 10 before you start shooting up again? Yeah, probably then. That's when I'll go down.

Yeah. That's a lot. No moments where you got shaky? No, not really. Well, when I first got sober, the only time was I was at the marathon, Boston Marathon, when there was the bomb. I mean, I was like at the mile mark, so i was a mile from it holy but i remember it was scary it's just and i was only four months sober at that point and i remember there was talks like there's a bomb at the jfk

library and the whole thing and i had this thing i'm like if the bomb goes off at jfk i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm falling off the wagon fuck it um but then i was like nah that's stupid i mean like i just like you know it's just for me it's better this way i'm much better off most people are yes when you when you become a like a hardcore boozer the problem is it's like you like i enjoy alcohol i really do it's a nice social lubricant it uh it helps you relax it makes things silly sometimes sometimes you have like wild fun thoughts when you're drunk but it's also terrible for your health yeah oh absolutely mental health physical health and i i just i was not a guy i never was able to be like i'll have a beer right

i fucking it's it's mind-blowing to me still have, the only times I feel like drinking and not legitimately, but when I see someone like leave like half a beer, I'm like, what are you, what? What the fuck are you doing, dude? I don't want to finish it. Pot or anything like that? Did you ever get into that?

I was smoked weed, but I was never a weed guy because I got anxious and just wanted, I hated myself. I feel like I missed this new thing of like, this weed is for when you're visiting your grandmother and this weed is for fucking, you're under the, like there's like specific weed.

They didn't have that. I just had like a guy that was smoking weed and I'd smoke it and hate myself more. And I did pills a little bit too, which I'm not going to do sober, but like Vicodin I love, but I never had a source. I read a sad story about a lady who uh got the covid vaccine and she apparently had really bad side effects so she kept taking

uh tylenol and uh acetaminophen is that what it is yeah it's in tylenol it's toxic at high doses i think that's what it is that she fucking died she had liver failure from tylenol she must have been taking a lot. I don't know. They don't know how much she took, obviously, because she died. Right. But she was falling apart and she went to the hospital

and like, Jesus Christ, her liver's failing. Oh, God. Yeah. And other than like a transplant, she was in rough shape. Yeah. I didn't know that you could,

I wonder how many Tylenols you have to take before you die. It's got to be a lot, because I know you can take like two every four hours when you have like a dental thing or whatever. But I assume, I always thought like a Tylenol is probably the equivalent of like the liver damage of like a couple beers, I would think. I have no idea. I don't either. I would just be guessing. Yeah, I'm guessing.

But I read about this lady and I'm like oh no because you know some people they're just like you know if it says take two take four you know there's some people that are like they just want relief like oh my god what do I have to do to stop this horrible feeling right that's the thing about you know and pain I think pain is I think it's different for everybody. Some people just can handle pain, and some people just cannot. And I don't know what they're experiencing. Pain is like your taste buds. Why do some people like really spicy food and some people fucking hate it? What are you experiencing?

I don't know. I'm guessing. If you eat a jalapeno, I'm guessing. I like spicy food. So when I eat spicy food and people are like, guessing you know i like spicy food so when i eat spicy food and people are like oh i fucking hate spicy i'm like what is that to you yeah that's fascinating to me i mean i feel that way going back to mma like my trainer will show me how to do a leg kick and he's just showing me and i'm like ah that sucked and he's just going like this is what you

should do and he lands it yeah and i'm, that's like the worst thing I've ever experienced. That's why when I watch MMA now, which I'm new to watching the sport, I'm like, I don't understand. I ask him, like, how does that not end the fucking fight when one of those leg kicks? But I guess it's just pain, and you deal with it or fight through it, whatever, I guess, whatever the fuck, adrenaline, dopamines are running, whatever. It's conditioning, too.

the whatever the fuck, adrenaline, dopamines are running, whatever. It's conditioning too. In adults, a minimum toxic dose of acetaminophen is a single ingestion of 7.5 to 10 grams. Acute ingestion of 150 milligrams per kilogram or 12 grams of acetaminophen in adults is considered a toxic dose and carries a high risk of liver damage. What is that though? So 4,000 milligrams is the recommended toxic dose and carries a high risk of liver damage. What is that, though? So 4,000 milligrams is the recommended daily dose. So what is one Tylenol? And one is usually around 200 to 400.

There may be some that you can get that are 600 or 800, I think, but usually it's 200 to 400, I think, from what my memory. So 7.5 is 7,000, right? That's grams, though? Right, but that's what I'm saying. Milligrams to grams is 1,000, right? I believe so. That's where though? Right, but that's what I'm saying. Milligrams to grams is a thousand, right? I believe so. That's where I'm like in my head.

So she took a lot of fucking time out. But also like maybe she was tiny too, right? Like I have a buddy who could fucking drink, but he's seven feet tall and he weighs, you know, 350, 360 pounds.

Yeah, she might have been drinking too, I don't know, or whatever. Yeah, I drink with him and it's a joke. It's like, I gotta stop, you keep going, I can't. Well, there's all those Andre the Giant stories. Oh yeah. You ever watch, I mean, some of those stories are insane, like gallons of vodka.

Well, for him, well, my hands are way smaller in the sense of this cup like he would have like a tall boy and it would disappear in his hand it would be much smaller in his hand than this little tiny what is this like a six ounce cup is right he was so big I heard the story my favorite fucking story ever is I think Rob Reiner told it in that HBO doc where Andre would have these crazy farts and he had a fart that was 17 seconds long which is the funniest thing i've ever like if you i've tried to like time like a like that was like one and a half seconds and he farted for 17 straight seconds and rob reiner

goes look at that look at that look at that fucking beer can in his hand uh that's insanity rob reiner goes you okay andre and he And he goes, I am now, boss. Which I'm like, it's amazing. Look at the size of his hand with that can. I heard a story that, and this might be a wives' tale. Those dumb wives are always full of shit. Take a picture with him and that lady by the bar. Look at how big he is.

Yeah, she could fit inside of him. He could eat her. I heard a story that he could put a hard-boiled egg through his ring, like a ring that he wore on his hand. He could push like an egg through it. That doesn't seem to be real. It doesn't seem to be real, but it's a fun story. But that sounds like a great story.

When we had Dallas Diamond Page on the podcast, he was talking about the time that he drove. Was it Dallas Diamond Page or Jake the Snake that talked about driving him around? I don't know. Shit. that he drove was a Dallas time page or Jake the snake that talked about driving him around I'm shit that three WWE legends on this podcast sir who's the third the Undertaker oh fun yeah Texas resident lives near him yeah I think it was Jake's think too he drove him around he was just talking about the insane quantity of beer that the guy drank it's wild I love those stories I've been getting like I'm not a wrestling fan but I was huge into it from like 88 to 92 when I was a kid when you're supposed to be into it and that was like the heyday mm-hmm and now as an adult I'm going back and watching all

those old videos cuz it's fun to watch this dollars as a kid yeah and now as an adult I'm going back and watching all those old videos because it's fun to watch this as a kid yeah and now I'm so fascinated with all like the behind the scenes of how it works and the improvisation I said that weird improvisation yeah good good job yeah I want to amend that but it's so fascinating to me all those guys and don't you want to just it's such a fascinating industry I want to know everything about well you, what I'm always fascinated by is their tolerance for pain. You know, knowing the kind of pain that I'm in just from, like, regular working out and what those guys do. Like, just jiu-jitsu is easy compared to pro wrestling. Because pro wrestling, they're fucking lifting each other and slamming each other, and they're doing it on the road multiple nights a week right so they're they're on the road like hundreds of days a year they're performing and

they're throwing each other and slamming each other and they're always in agony and uh when the undertaker was on he was talking about the fucking fractures of the eye socket that he suffered both of his eye sockets, his orbitals were fractured where they had to go in and go behind the eyeball and patch the bone and put fucking braces so his eyeball doesn't fall into his brain.

It's crazy. And he showed us a video of one of them that happened when this dude literally sat on his face. And a smaller guy, right? Rey Mysterio, right? Oh yeah, like in a smaller guy right ray mysterio right oh yeah he's a little guy yeah but landed on his fucking eyeballs and it fractured his eyeballs yeah i don't like that at all twice it's happened to him so he's had two eyeballs caved in and to this day like he has like blind spots where you can only you can only look so far left and right, and he won't be able to see.

But those guys have insane tolerance for pain, just insane. And they're always in agony. They're always hurt, and all of them, when they get older, they're getting hip replacements and knee replacements and disc replacements and fusions. That's why Diamond Dallas Page invented hisallas page invented his ddp yoga right yeah dallas decided look i've got to figure out a way to be healthy so i can keep doing this and he got super into yoga and flexibility and core strength and now he works with a lot he actually

worked with jake the snake he works with a lot lot of former pro wrestlers and helps them get sober and then helps them rehabilitate their body through his program. Yeah, no, that shit is just wild. I mean, just watching. And then there's like wrestling botches. Do you follow that on Instagram? I think it's WrestleBotch. No.

Or WrestlingBotch. It's unbelievable. I don't know how I found it. Do they make mistakes? Yeah, it's pretty amazing. There's some hilarious stuff, but some of it's unbelievable. I don't know how I found it. Do they make mistakes? Yeah, it's pretty amazing. There's some hilarious stuff, but some of it's ugly. I think it's at WrestleBotch or WrestlingBotch, and it's all just these videos.

That's it, yeah. I mean, some of them are pretty amazing, but some of them are just fucking horrifying. What happened there? I don't know. I thought his arm was broken. Oh. There's a few in there. I don't know. I thought his arm was broken. Oh. There's a few in there.

I don't know which ones are, like, great, but... Oh, is he actually out cold? Yeah, looks like he's knocked out, yeah. Oh, shit. Show that again. What the fuck happened? He can't breathe. It looks like he stood up and he hit him.

Oh, he caught him. He hit him right in the fucking button. On the chin. Holy shit. Wow. Well, you know, a lot of these dudes also, you got to realize, they're getting concussions all the time. And when you get hit and you get a concussion,

it's easier for you to get knocked out afterwards, like for a period of time, whether it's months or weeks. After you get knocked out, it's really easy to get knocked out again. We've had that happen with guys in the UFC that fought and got knocked out, and it looks crazy. It looks like it doesn't make any sense. How'd they get knocked out so easy? And it was because they had to get knocked out in training.

Here's a good example. Travis Luter versus Marvin Eastman. Travis Luter, a guy who was on the podcast recently with kevin holland who's uh uh he was uh he won the ultimate fighter like super legit jujitsu badass and uh he hit this guy with a punch and it was a decent punch but he caught him like at the very end of the punch and marvin Eastman just went out cold. And it was weird. So there's Travis. Which one's Travis?

Travis is the white guy. And Marvin Eastman was a beast too, man. So he catches him with this punch. And the end of the punch, but it turned out that Marvin had gotten KO'd in training not once but twice and see if this is that it it's close it's close yeah I caught him like right at the end of the pot here it is right here see that boom out cold like it's a good punch but it kind of didn't make sense let's show it again cuz he kind of caught him at the very end of the punch, too.

Weird. Yeah, weird, right? But it was because Marvin had gotten KO'd in training, and so he was more susceptible. And that happens also to fighters as they get older in their career. You see them get hit, they get knocked out way easier. That's a weird thing with fighting to me that, because you

can't really control that, right? I mean, if somebody, I mean, you can obviously avoid the punch, but if somebody hits you clean, you're knocked out or not knocked out. That's not even up to you, is it? Well, it's definitely not. If you get hit on the chin, like, there's guys who just get caught. They just get caught and they get KO'd. It happens. Fascinating to me.

That's the part of that sport. I was late coming to the sport. It wasn't until I started training that I became interested in it, but that's the part I still struggle with. I watched the fight. I don't know any of the guys, but there was like a spinning elbow to the temple. It wasn't until I started training that I became interested in it, but that's probably what I still struggle with. I watched the fight, I don't know any of the guys, but there was like a spinning elbow to the temple

and the guy just fucking went down. Yuri Prohaska, he's a fucking monster. He's a nightmare, that guy. But it's unsettling to watch somebody get like clean knocked. I prefer the jujitsu

of like, ah, I'm tapping now, thank you. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure, that's easier to tolerate. That was a rough one, because Prohaska is a fucking monster.

He never stops. And the guy he fought, Dominic Reyes, is world class. He's a guy who went five hard rounds with Jon Jones, and he's one of the best guys in the division for sure. And he caught Prohaska a couple times with good shots, but Prohaska just never stopped coming at him, never stopped kicking him and punching him.

And just like with his weird style where his hands are down and he moves around a lot, admits he was knocked out during the Dominic Reyes fight. Yeah, he got clipped with a really, really good straight left hand. He got his legs wobbled and he was in real trouble, but he survived and then knocked him out later in the round. But that spinning elbow that he knocked him out with is fucking nasty. It was perfect, too. He threw a right elbow and then to set up spinning with the left one and he caught him perfect and put him out cold.

Yeah, it's. Have you ever been knocked out before? No. I mean, I've been choked out a whole bunch of times training. I tapped out. But you went out cold? No, I mean, I've been choked out a whole bunch of times training. I tapped out. But you went out cold? No, no. Oh, just tapped.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. I've never been choked out unconscious, and I've never been knocked unconscious. I did get, I got hit in the head when I was a kid with this thing that they used to use to lift up sewer pipes. It fell and hit my head. I still have this nasty, I have my hair transplant scar, but I also have this nasty scar above it where I got cracked and the whole world went

like this. And I like grayed out. Like I didn't go completely unconscious, but that was probably the worst I'd ever been hit in my life because it was a big chunk of steel that hit me in the head. And I'm just lucky that I survived. I mean, it could have like, the way it hit a big chunk of steel that hit me in the head and i'm just lucky that i survived i mean it could have like the way it hit me kind of like grazed my head if i was in this position

instead of this position it might have just crushed my skull like i don't know i don't remember because it was they rushed me to the hospital i was like i guess i was 13 or 14 i'm trying to remember how old i was but uh that was probably the scariest i'd ever been hit with anything but i was not it was never like out cold waking up like what happened what happened right but i did get tko'd in the last fight i had the last kickboxing fight i had i got hit with a left hook and my leg my legs just went like this point they just stopped working this guy hit me perfect right in left hook and my legs just went like this. Boink. They just stopped working. This guy hit me perfect. Boink.

Right in the chin and my legs just stopped working. They went boink. They just shut off. Terrifying. It was weird. But it didn't hurt. Like I've been hurt before. Like you get hit in the body and it's really painful.

This was like, it was like he just hit me perfect and everything stopped. And then I got up and then he swarmed me and he hit with another a couple good shots and an uppercut and dropped me again and then the referee mercifully stopped the fight but I was never unconscious but uh it was just weird that my legs stopped working like they just went like like I was standing in front of him and he hit me and everything just went it just it gives out. It's terrifying. I mean, training with my buddy Diego, just doing, we were doing some leg exercises where we were fucking, I was jumping for- Plyometrics or some shit?

60 seconds straight. Like, you know, these kind of climb where you go to one knee, a second knee and back up, but stay low and then sort of these jumps. And I started laughing because my legs just gave out. I was like, I can't do this any longer. And he's like, no, that's good. You gassed out or whatever.

But it's just wild. I can't imagine what it's like to have your brain just shut down. I guess I had it drinking where your brain is like. Yeah, my brain was still there. That's what was weird. My legs just stopped working. This cigar became like a magic. I can't pull it anymore. I'm going to relight it, but I'm sticking a pen still there. That's what was weird. My legs just stopped working. This cigar became like a magic trick.

I can't pull it anymore. I'm like sticking, I'm going to relight it, but I'm sticking a pen in there. All of a sudden, I couldn't pull off it anymore. It's tight. I think it's tight in here. Is it? I feel like if Bobby sees this, he's going to be like, you fucking loser. Oh, he's one of those guys that like knows a lot.

Hey, you got to do it like this, kid. Dude. Dude. He knows a lot about cigars, right? Oh, yeah. He's a cigar guy. We smoke a lot. It's fun.

Have you had Bobby on? You should have Bobby on. I would love to Oh, yeah. He's a cigar guy. We smoke a lot. It's fun. Have you had Bobby on? You should have Bobby on. I would love to have Bobby on. He's like the funniest guy. He kills like Regan killed. Bobby kills like the hardest of the New York comics. It's insane. I've known Bobby for 30 years.

Yeah. He's like an urban act. I mean, he fucking like blows the room apart. It's insane. He's a funny dude, man. He's always been a funny guy. So funny. I knew him when he was young and thin room apart. It's insane. He's a funny dude, man. He's always been a funny guy. So funny. I knew him when he was young and thin and handsome.

Bobby married me. He was the, what do you call it? The preacher? The guy. Well, not I, I don't know, preacher. He just did the ceremony. Yeah, minister. We were already married in a courthouse, but he did the ceremony.

Yeah. Yeah. He didn't have to get, it was just show, but he did a fucking- How's he doing health-wise? Is he all right? Yeah, I think he's healthy. I think he's like very healthy. I mean, he's overweight, but he's lost a bunch of weight,

and he's working on it, but I think he's actually like a healthy guy. He got the COVID, and he was fine, right? Yeah. Yeah. Bobby's good. So did Big Jay. A lot of people are like, huh, he's okay? Hmm.

Yeah, I think Bobby had it totally fine, has the antibodies, and he's been working hard and dieting and all that shit. Jamie's got the antibodies strong since October. We checked Jamie's antibodies today, and it's a fat line. The nurse was perplexed. I should have taken an antibody test because I want to see what happens. I got the vaccine. You should have got the antibody test.

I fucked up. Yeah, Jamie's a fucking specimen. His antibodies are strong as fuck. By the way, that was the best COVID test I've done She didn't even go inside my nose She touched my fucking mustache They just have to go in the nose now They just go like this

They don't have to tickle your brain anymore They just get up in there With a little Q-tip They used to have the little thin one That probes deep back That's what I've had They realized that you don't have to do that anymore. Ecuador was the worst one I had.

It was way the fuck up there. They test you when you land? No. I thought they were going to. They just check your temperature, but you have to get a test to leave, to get on the plane back to the States or whatever. How the fuck does Ari choose Ecuador? I don't know what made him choose Ecuador, but it's awesome and it was beautiful down there. Yeah, enjoy it. He's back

now. Yeah, we've been talking. Yeah, he's trying to figure out where to go. He doesn't know where he's going to go. He might come here. I might talk him into it. Oh, God. Come on. No, take it. The more comics that leave New York, the better. I want the spots. Is that what you want? Yeah, but I do. I get

plenty of spots. You love Ari. I love Ari the most. I want the spots. Is that what you want? Yeah. But I do. I get plenty of spots. You love Ari. I love Ari the most. I love him. He was one of those guys I was really bummed out when he moved to New York, but he always wanted to be a New York comic. To him, that's like a romantic thing. Yeah. You know? A comic

living in New York City, you know, with no fucking car at all. Just Ubering, cabbing everywhere, and the whole deal. He wanted to do the thing, you know, with no fucking car at all, just Ubering, cabin everywhere, and the whole deal. He wanted to do the thing, you know? Yeah. The hotel thing. Well, it feels more and more silly. Norman and I were just talking about that because he went and did a big LA podcast tour. And we're all like, I got six spots at the Cellar. I did eight spots tonight. And meanwhile, in LA, everyone's living on the fucking beach and like their giant houses and they have their podcast. Everyone in LA is making like $6 million a year and we're all like, yeah, but dude, I did like 800 spots.

And we're starting to realize, oh, this is a little silly. Well, the LA podcast thing kind of took off before the New York podcast thing, which is weird to me. Because New York always had a real strong radio thing with Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony. New York was like a very strong radio market. So it was always weird to me that there weren't more podcasts that came out of New York that started out of New York. Well I think so many of the New York guys,

myself included, just put stand up for it. We're like, we're stand ups in the podcast. And this is just changing now where podcast was this side thing that you did whatever, but now people are realizing you can make good money and all that shit. Yeah. You can make good money and be independent. That's what's important, that you don't need to do anything else.

Like, that's the real important thing, the independence. You want to be independent. You want to be free. Right. You don't want to be. And also, like, if you're on a show, you can't talk crazy. Right. Like, if you get on a sitcom or you're on a drama or something like that, you cannot talk crazy.

They will fire you. Yes. Like, there's no way, you know? And podcasts, you know, if you have a good podcast, you're your own boss. Yeah, no, it's like a great, it's weird because we talk about it's a hard time for comedy because of the pc and all that stuff but it's also like an amazing time to do comedy where all these people are making tons of money on youtube and um patreon and all that shit that's true but and comics have to they have to recognize that we have to stick together

in this that is very important because comics as a whole, they tend to be individualists and they tend to look out for themselves first. And that was always the case when there was television jobs. And I always said that, especially in L.A., it fostered that kind of thinking because there was only a few slots. If you were going to get on a sitcom, there was only a few sitcoms. So if it was you and me and we're both auditioning for the same part i'd hope you get sick you know like i hope he gets that no no virus or whatever the fuck you know this now it's not like that at all and if everybody has podcasts they're like oh i want to do joe list podcast because i could tell people i'm at the i'm at the improv next week right oh i want him to do Joe List podcast because I could tell people I'm at the improv next week. Right. Oh, I want him to do my podcast because he's a funny guest.

And then it became this thing where we realized like, oh, we're actually valuable to each other. Yes. You know, and then it was no longer a famine mentality. And then everybody started looking out for each other more. And then they started like thinking in terms of like, hey, we're all in this tribe. And it didn't matter if you're a girl or a guy or gay or straight. It didn't matter. It's like you're in the tribe of comedy.

And that tribe is a fun tribe if we look out for each other and we have this feeling that we look out for each other. I agree completely. And that's what throws me off when comics are trashing other comics publicly. I just don't. I'm not into that. It's not wise. But I get it. I get where it's coming from.

And especially if the comic's doing better than you. That's the standard. It's normal. Yeah, I guess so. But a rising tide lifts all boats. Yeah, I believe that. Also, I believe that energy wasted shitting on people that's shitting on people that's not making fun of people i think if you got some good jokes about me or

anybody else go for it bust them out yeah you know you're supposed to be making fun of each other but a lot of it is like there's a mean-spirited trying to cut people down aspect to it that i think is very negative because it's not just negative for them because you're shitting on them it's negative for you because you have you got to know that you got you're you have low self-esteem or something something's wrong where you're like going out of your way to talk so much shit about another comedian like you know what you're doing you're not being kind you're not being compassionate no I agree and I've I've thought this since I was like a teenager doing comedy is that we all deal with so much fucking bullshit and clubs trying to fuck us and the industry starts off. Why fuck with each other?

Yeah. Why not help each other? There's a weird instinct, you know. People like to attack. They like to gang up on people and attack people when they're down or attack people when they misstep. Right. You know, it's a weak human nature characteristic. It's a bad trait, but it's very common, especially amongst insecure people. And, you know, most of us are insecure.

Most comics are, in one way or another, insecure. Yes. Well, that's the fascinating thing about comics is because all comics have a big ego and also hate themselves. It's such a weird thing. I always think about it in terms of a relationship. When you're in a relationship, or me anyway, speaking for myself, I'm like, why is this woman with me? I'm a fucking idiot. I suck. My teeth, I got herpes and the thing. And then if they break up with you, you're like, yeah, good luck finding someone better than me, you fucking idiot like and that's how i feel with comedy i'm like i suck i'm a fucking hack i'm a piece of shit and then if someone's like yeah you suck i'm like what are you insane i'll fucking eat your lunch

you fucking follow me bitch yeah exactly so we all kind of have that going on which i think is probably humans in general in any job i imagine in a lot of jobs, but especially one that's as challenging as stand-up because it requires you to be the writer, the director, the producer. It's all coming from your mind, your perspective, and then you have to perform it. You're not just putting it together. You have to go up there and do it.

You have to execute, and then you can't stumble. You can't fuck up any of the words. Just think about all the shows you do, and You can't fuck up any of the words. Right. Just think about all the shows you do and you can't fuck up any of the words. Right. And if you do it, even if they know what you said, the rhythm is off because you fucked up a word and then they won't laugh. Like something that would kill now is not funny at all. Yeah.

Seinfeld had a great, Seinfeld's so good with the metaphors and analogies and shit. But he's like a punchline is like an open door and a moving train once it passes you can't it's gone now I'll have that sometimes we fuck up a joke and the audience is like just do it just finish it and you're like no that it it's three cars gone I can't we missed it that is a funny line that's a great way of putting it an open door and a moving train that's perfect oh he's the best at talking comedy the analogies and all that hicks would talk about that too that you just got to let it go you can't go back and try to recreate a moment and redo it you know you can't do that no it's hard and sometimes you see comics

and i've done it we've all done it like try to make a bit out of something that happened in real time like off the cuff and then you're oh, that was such a big laugh. Maybe I can harvest that. And then you try, and you're like, no. Or even worse, there's a moment that happens, and you think you got a line, but there's like a couple extra words. Yeah. And you're like, shit, there was something there,

but I just fucking completely whiffed it. Yeah, I blew it. I mean, that happens on podcasts all the time, where you're trying to like, oh, I got one locked and loaded and it just stinks. Yeah, live podcasts especially. If you do a live podcast in front of an audience and you take a swing, you go. I mean, no. It's the worst. I mean, there's nothing worse than a fucking bomb like that.

Yeah, but don't those bombs are the things that motivate you to get back on the horse and get better. Yeah, but don't those bombs are the things that motivate you to get back on the horse and get better. Like some of my best moments in my career, like where I made progress and got better, came after eating shit. Like really humiliating, like I can't do this anymore, eat shit moments. And then you realize like I need a newfound intensity. I need a newfound appreciation focus for this. I can't fuck this up. I got to get back on.

Yeah, it's a hard thing with comedy because you have moments where you're like, I got to get stronger. This guy's doing that. But if the material doesn't, if it doesn't come, it doesn't come. Like you try to sit and you're like, you're like, fuck, I got nothing. I mean, if you don't have any, that's why I always like admire or envy like guys that can write like monologue writers or roast joke writers that you're like I have to come up with material on this yeah it's so impressive to me because just writing regular stand-up you're like you can sit and be like I want to do a joke about this ah there's nothing there I don't have anything fuck it well everybody's way of doing comedy is different

like like how about a guy like Stephen Wright where everything is an absurd non sequitur? Right. Try writing that act. No, and doing an hour of one-liners is just insane. Remembering what you fucking talked about because it doesn't flow into other stuff. It's like one thing is another thing. I used to work near a fire hydrant plant. Couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Like that kind of stuff. Like good luck. Good luck writing those and then putting them all together in a way that makes sense. No, it's almost impossible. He had a great thing. He was talking about his writing. I heard him say one time or read that he's like most of his jokes come from a very childlike approach. I think the example he used of the 7-Eleven or whatever, open 24 hours a day, and he went there and they were closed,

and they said not in a row. Which is childlike because an adult thinks 24 hours is a day. But a kid doesn't know what 24 hours is a day. So the idea of them being closed is, well, it's not 24 hours in a row. Or the idea of like he had the bit about I got out of the airplane. I forgot to take the seatbelt off. So I'm dragging the plane behind me, which is very childlike thought. What if I didn't take my seatbelt off?

Would I be able to move the plane? So if you look at it, a lot of his jokes feel like the way a kid would think of something. Yeah. Or someone who smokes a lot of weed. Yeah, the way a kid would think of something yeah um i don't know someone who smokes a lot of weed yeah which is like a child i mean yeah well hedberg was like that too you know hedberg had a lot of like bizarre non-sequiturs that would just go one into the other you know he he's another guy who's very clean but brilliant yeah brilliantly hilarious like there's a lot of guys like that like who else uh gaffigan it's another guy squeaky clean fucking hilarious it's just you can't

comedy is who the fuck knows how to do it right that's why imagine teaching a comedy course and somebody comes into your class you're like i don't know how to do it good luck yeah and it takes years to kind of figure out how you do it. You try to emulate styles or whatever. Yeah. But different people, yeah, some people just write out all their shit and have pages and stuff

and other people never write anything down. Well, that's the thing too about comedy. The beginning, like Patrice used to call his babies, like he always had

a bunch of babies or dudes who would like copy his style. Attell had the most babies, right? Oh, of course, yeah. That style of talking telling jokes and a punchline yeah he had the most uh brody had a very addictive style too like you would be around

brody stevens and you'd want to talk like him yeah you know it's just this sort of addicting you know just fucking the cadence that was another great Seinfeld thing. He said there's four levels of success in comedy Making friends laugh making strangers laugh getting paid to make strangers laugh and having people talk like you because it's fun Yeah, I really like that one and Dane was one of those guys for a minute there in like oh four Oh seven there was a lot of people you'd see doing the fuck that Dane In like 2004, 2007, there was a lot of people you'd see doing the Dane thing. And you know, Dane, a lot of where he got his from, he got a style. He emulated Anthony Clark a lot.

Oh, interesting. Who's a guy who, fuck, man. When I was coming up in Boston, when I was an open mic-er, Anthony Clark was hosting open mic nights, and he was a big headliner in town. Dude, he was a monster. I mean a monster. And he was really cute. Like he was handsome but real thin and cute and he'd wear a baseball hat and he was real silly.

And so his crowd was like, you know, he was young at the time too. So his crowd was like a lot of girls, man. Like you go to see the Anthony Clark show and it would be like 300 people in the crowd and 250 of them were girls wow crazy like girls would have like girls nights where they'd go out and they'd see anthony clark he was a monster i'm telling you man he would fucking murder and uh he was influenced by kevin meanie in a lot of ways like it's interesting how like you see these guys they have like a guy that they admire and they kind of influence you know they get influenced by them but then they develop their own style yeah no i love that stuff you can see those like through lines it's fun but yeah i missed anthony klein i wasn't around for that

but i was there for when dane was was like exploding. It was insanity. Yeah. I opened for him a bit there, and it was like a fucking rock show. It was insane. Yep, those Madison Square Garden days. Wow. He's got a, you know, he had that same thing where it's like a lot of young girls would come see him, and kids would come see him.

Oh, yeah. No, and he worked his ass off. I remember opening up the connection and it was sold out and he would go into Boston Rocks, which was like the nightclub next door, and then he would meet and greet with every single audience member and it would take so long that by the time he finished,

he would go to the second, it was time for him to go up to the second show. And I was like, this is like work. And I remember then too being like, I'm not doing that shit. That's insane.

I used to do meet and greets after theater shows. I did the Chicago Theater, and I did meet and greets for hours. I'd just take pictures of anybody who wanted to take a picture. But after a while, it got too crazy. Too many really nutty people would wait around to talk to you, and you'd be like, this could be a problem. Yeah, well, that part is more anxiety-inducing than the show. People are always

like do you get nervous before a show i'm like no i get nervous talking to people after because you feel like you're going to disappoint them and you're like i never know what to say and i just keep going thank you oh that uh fuck and i always feel like they're just going ah this guy sucks you know i mean i don't have that personality to do that well it's a weird relationship too it's like people who pay to see you you know and then you can't just be you and them. It's not even, right? It's like it feels odd. Like they've seen you, they like you, you don't know them, and you're meeting and you're on like uneven ground in a lot of ways. It's hard to just relax. Yeah, absolutely. It's uncomfortable. And I feel like, like I said, I just feel like I'm disappointing them like how this guy stinks but don't you think that that thing that you have that you worried about failure and you know that's also motivating right because you know you're not gonna take yourself for granted you're not gonna think you're the shit

you're not gonna like under work right yeah no I think so absolutely I'm like well I always feel like personally I'm like I gotta so. Absolutely. I'm like, well, I always feel like personally, I'm like, I gotta have good jokes because I'm not an exciting guy to fucking, I'm not going to be like, like we talked about Mark, who's just so funny all the time. And he's just, people love that. Comedy. Yeah, exactly. And I have it a lot where, you know, Mark and I do a podcast together.

So I'll go to a town after he was there and like, do you want to run to the open mic? Mark came and I was like, no, I'm going home. I want to go watch the fucking Sox game and go to bed. So he would do a set and then run to an open mic as well. Yeah. He's like an ad. He loves it. He runs around and he'll go to the bar with everybody and tell a story.

And I'm like, no, I exerted all my energy already. I'm ready for bed. That's Kreischer. Kreischer. A perfect example. He'll go afterwards and party with everybody. He'll tell people where he's going, and they'll all meet him there,

and they'll all have their shirts off, and they'll all sweat on each other. No, that's my worst nightmare. I'm like, I put together this 45 minutes of entertainment that I think is really strong, and then that's it. I ran out of things to say. If I had something to say, I would have said it up there.

And you want to take a nap. Yes. Relax. Or just be home and read. I stink. I've been around too long. I'm like an old soul. I started when I was 18.

Maybe that's part of it. Did you really start when you were 18? Yeah, so I'm 20 years in, which is weird. Wow. Where were you when you started? I started in Boston in 2000. Which club did you start at?

I started, there was an open mic called, this place called Chop's Lounge, which was like a true open mic. It's next to Fenway, but now that area is like so built. You wouldn't even recognize it. I don't know when the last time you've been in that area. What's it like? It's like, there's like high rise buildings there. It's very hip and cool. Like you can't even see the ballpark now because there's all these, it's really and you know fancy beer places and shit it's like a different place oh but so the comedy connection

was kind of the first club club that became my home venue club yeah yeah and i opened for you know depalo and attell and uh all those guys and that's that was like my home so in 2000 there was still a good scene coming out of there i think so i mean it was definitely post boom or whatever and it was sort of dipping but it's so interesting because you know i came up with all the same guys you started in boston right like all the same guys with you like i'm i'm close with louis and we talk we have the same beginnings because all those same guys are there like we we have the same experiences with mike donovan and don gavin and tony v all those guys that are amazing comics yeah so it's funny because we started 15 years apart but started with all the same guys so it was a good local scene and there was a lot of shows there well the local headliners

were at such a high level no they're unbelievable i mean they're still i listened to gav when he was on it was fun i mean those guys like mike dunn you know mike dunovan sure to me he's like the funniest guy ever like he's amazing like unbelievably funny he's the first guy who told me to tape all my sets yeah he still tapes all his sets he'll still listen to him but he probably uses a fucking tape recorder it's literally i mean i haven't seen him in probably 10 or 15 years but he would have like a Walkman with like the metal fucking thing listening to it. And no, he's like, I have a great Mike Donovan story. You know, he's a nutty guy and just brilliantly funny.

But I was doing a gig at BC High and it was like, I think it was like the sons and fathers and sons thing. It was like 500 people and all the priests and everything. fathers and sons thing. It was like 500 people and all the priests and everything. And it was in this huge gymnasium and I got there early with a comic named Jim Colladon, who's a funny guy too. Probably started after you were there. But we were like killing time. He was like, we're starting late.

And we walked to the other side of the basketball court. It was like divided. And there was these kids playing full court basketball. And we're like, oh, we'll sit here and watch these kids play basketball, whatever. We're just killing time. And we're watching for a little bit and we realize Don oh we'll sit here and watch these kids play basketball whatever we're just killing time and we're watching for a little bit we realize donovan is on the court with the kids he's got like slacks and a fucking collared shirt and he's running the floor playing full court basketball like posting these kids up and we're like what the fuck and he comes up after

and he's all sweaty and disheveled and he's like these fucking kids are calling me old school i'll show you old school i'll fucking elbow you under the boards how about that and he's like, these fucking kids are calling me old school. I'll show you old school. I'll fucking elbow you under the boards. How about that? And he's like really playing basketball. And I was like, God, I fucking love this guy. But some of the best bits ever. Was he still doing the Johnny Most bit? I don't think he had done that. I've heard him do that, but he had stopped doing that.

People didn't know who Johnny Most was anymore, unfortunately. Yeah, yeah. Johnny Most, we should tell people, was a legendary Boston sports broadcaster. Yeah, and Donovan had a fucking amazing bit that he would do about him that would just slaughter in Boston But you couldn't do it anywhere else. Yeah, no and then enough time passed that like most people don't know who he is now, but No, Donovan had so many great jokes and just could do voices and everything just pure funny was just crisp He was crisp. Yeah yeah you know his punch lines like there were so many of those guys who just had great punch lines you know they just he's the first guy that told me about the meter too he explained to me the meter he goes you

got to be careful with how many you say you don't want to over he goes you break the meter and goes and then it doesn't mean anything anymore right he goes you say it but you say it when you need it like don't overuse it so when it when you do use it it's got some impact and you'll see that with like guys who are starting out or guys who are not that good yet they just say you're fucking this fucking thing with this fucking guy i fucking told them this fucking and i was like hey fuck you well that fuck you doesn't mean anything anymore right? But if you like go through your set and you eliminate all the unnecessary because it's really like a way of saying uh Right this guy. He's uh got a but it doesn't sound as good as fucking guys Oh, he's got a fucking fucking thing and as long as you do it like bird does it? It's a fucking thing.

And as long as you do it, like Bird does it occasionally, but he sprinkles it in there. Like he's a master of knowing when to say fuck and when not to. And when it, like you could see his anger and his angst ramping up with the use of the word. Yeah. I, there's a, what was his, um, fucking, I'm blanking on his name. Fucking, you did it right there. Yeah. I say fuck constantly.

Oh, I do too. Um, oh, Kevin Knox. I don't know why I couldn't think of his name. Oh, I say fuck constantly. Well, I do too. Oh, Kevin Knox. I don't know why I couldn't think of his name. Oh, I love Kevin Knox. Knox, he was the guy though, he said fuck like the most because he just said it like you're doing. He's like, fucking yeah, fucking yeah. This guy is fucking... But it was a part of his rhythm. It was a different thing. Yeah, but he was another

guy that just would murder. Like it was insanity. That's how, that's what's interesting to me about a lot of comics now that i don't from starting in boston i did all these vfws and the knights of columbus and fundraise firehouses and you couldn't fuck around like you had to have jokes fast or they were going to be like hey what is this like yeah so like those guys would just murder and i sometimes i worry that there's not as much value on like killing because coming up in boston you had to kill that was it that was like the number one thing was you gotta kill well it's a hard work in town

right like first of all it snows five months out of the fucking year and you gotta snow you gotta shovel your way out of your driveway right yes? Yes. Otherwise, you don't go to work. Like, there's certain things you have to do. You got to fucking endure. And it's just a town that's always valued hard work. When you live in a town where you could die outside, like, there's things that you have to do. Like, you just have to suck it up and do it.

You can't just lay down in the middle of the street. It's too cold. I can't walk. Well, you're going to suck it up and do it. You can't just lay down in the middle of the street, it's too cold, I can't walk. Well, you're going to die. Right. Because it's zero degrees outside. You can only stay out here for so long when it's zero. You got to keep fucking moving. And so you develop this ability to do work.

And there's, like, an ethic in the town. Like, they appreciate hard work. Like, all my friends growing up, like, a lot of them that I'm still friends with today, they're tradesmen. One of my buddies is an electrician. The other one's a carpenter. And I still talk to them to this day.

They always were hard workers. When I was in high school, they were busting their ass. They worked for their dad or they worked for an uncle. They would take side jobs after school. Everybody was always going for it. Like this kid Steve that I went to high school with he had a fucking landscape company we were in high school he had money in high school we were like what the fuck he had a business like he had a bunch of different lawns he had people working

for him in high school he had a he had a 1967 firebird already like this beautiful car and we were always like god damn it like he was just ahead of the curve he's a businessman in high school but it was not outside the norm. Like there was a lot of people that hustled. They, you had to work. So that was the same thing with comedy. Like they didn't want any meandering. What else?

What else? They didn't, you couldn't like go through your notes, get the fuck off the stage and bring on that next guy who was going to hammer it. Yeah, exactly. And I feel like too, and I don't know if this is elsewhere. I only grew up in one place. But when I was growing up in Massachusetts, the only thing people valued was either being funny or being tough.

Like everybody, nobody was ever like, that guy's really smart. Everyone's like, this is my buddy. He's hilarious. That's how everybody was like, this guy's really funny. Or they're like, this guy could kill you. And you had like eight friends, and seven of them were fucking hilarious and one of them was a psycho that would beat someone up that's mike he's a psycho don't fuck with him yeah that was the only thing valued and i still like i still feel that like all the people i know like the funniest people

i know are still like my best buddy derrick and my Brian are just like pure fun. I'm like, these guys are funnier than any comics I know. And they're just whatever, you know, a merchant marine and a carpenter. The funniest guy I knew was a guy named Dave Dolan, who was my boss. He was a private investigator. And I worked for him when I was an open mic-er, when I was just starting out. He needed a driver because he lost his license from DUI. And he put an ad out in the newspaper for uh a private investigator's assistant so i was like oh i'm gonna be a fucking private eye

assistant that's a good gig to do when you're doing stand-up because it's mostly during the day and then i could you know and but it was really he just needed a driver just needed someone with a valid driver's license yeah but uh he was hilarious and happened to be, just coincidentally, cousins to Bill Downs, who is one of the owners of the Comedy Connection. No money Downs. Yeah. Billy Downs. I know.

I worked for Bill years after he had the connection, and it was these weird gigs. Yes. You had to sign a napkin, and it'd give you 20 bucks or whatever. He always had a lot of those, a lot of those road gigs. And back in the day, there was no MapQuest or navigation system, so I had a legal notepad. And I always used to feel like I was a hitman or something like that. I'd write the note, you know, like, go down this two miles,

take a right on that street and get on the highway for six miles. And you'd have these directions you wrote down. Yeah. And so while you're driving, you had to look down this piece of paper. I don't even know if I had a fucking map. You know, I just, I might've had a map, but I was going by these directions and I'd have to do them in reverse to get home.

And, you know, I'm kind of dumb. So I'd fuck that up, get lost in the woods somewhere in New Hampshire. Yeah, I remember those gigs, like a lot of those gigs. And I was, when I started, there was a few gigs like that. It would be like four sets of lights make left at 7-eleven or whatever yeah but then we had map quest where

you could print it at home you had your desktop and i had like stacks of papers everywhere with footprints on them on my in my car because you'd be driving with a piece of paper going all right this is it and you'd have to pull over and use a phone somewhere yeah i had a box filled with those legal notebook papers which like oh this fucking the 99 in saugus that's this is uh giggles this one you know this is the kowloon yeah and you know directions all written out yeah it was fun i mean i still those are still some of the best i I thought about doing a special at a firehouse fundraiser because those shows you can fucking murder. Oh, yeah.

I mean, you could really kill those shows. There was a guy, Bob Mello, who passed away, but he had a bunch of those gigs like that. And if you caught fire in those rooms, it would be insane. Did you ever work with Larry Rapucci? No, but I know a lot of Larry Rapucci stories. Larry Rapucci was a maniac. Yeah, he was around, but I never missed him, I know a lot of Larry Rapucci stories. Larry Rapucci was a maniac. Yeah, he was around, but I never...

He was a maniac. He was a funny dude. There was a lot of funny guys. Was Jim Lauletta still around? I haven't seen Lauletta in years, but I guess he's around. There was a great story about... You know Ross Bennett? No. He's a New York guy. He's been around. He was

Eddie Strange a long, long time ago. He's a New York guy. He's been around. He was Eddie Strange a long, long time ago. He's a New York guy. Okay. But he's one of those guys who's been around 30-something years. I think he was in L.A. a long, long time ago. Great comic. But there was a guy named Ed Riegel. He had a room in Dorchester called the Emerald Isle.

And he hired Ross Bennett to come up from New York to headline. And Jim Lalletta was around and wanted to do a set. And Ed Riegel said to Ross, I got this guy, he had nothing to do, so he's going to do a set. But I want to have him close because he does this Batman thing. You saw when he wore the Batman mask.

Yes, he still did that. I mean, I haven't seen him in years, probably 10 years, but this is almost 20 years ago now. And so Ed said, I'm going to have him close because he does this thing with this Batman mask. He does Don Knotts as Batman, and it fucking blows the room apart. So he'll close, and Ross Bennett, I forever respect him.

He was like, no, no, I came up from New York. I'm headlining. And he goes, I'll go after this. He can do his thing, and if I don't do well, if he buries me, you can keep the money. But I came to headline, which I love. Yeah. And then Loretetta did the thing and

fucking destroyed and ross went up and kind of started slow and it was a little weird at first and they slowly built up and just started killing and killing and just murdered beautiful and it was a great lesson of like now you can follow anything you just gotta bring them back down to whatever level you want and you gotta be comfortable that's thing. Yeah. I realized early on that one of the reasons why I was bombing going on after people that were really good is I was scared. Right. One of the worst bombs I ever had ever

was going on after Jim Brewer. Brewer and I did a gig somewhere in New York. I'm trying to remember what's... West Nyack maybe? Some weird place in New York. But I was headlining and he was middling and I really shouldn't have been headlining. I'd only been doing comedy like four years maybe. Yeah.

Maybe somewhere in that range. Three, four years. It was a bull. I had a bullshit 45 minutes. Sure. I really had like a half hour and I could stretch it. Yes. And I was okay every night.

Every night I did okay until Saturday night. Saturday night late show, Brewer was on fire because he'd gotten loose as the week had gone on. Because we were probably, I don't remember what night we started, whether it was Thursday or Wednesday, what night we started. But as the day, the weeks go you know later in the week you get tighter your act gets tighter and smoother and the last show on saturday night it was a drunk crowd they were wild and he had this bit jim had this bit about coming home i was i remember it was drunk or high coming home and and dealing with his mother. And just talking to his mom. I forget exactly how the bit worked, but it was super physical.

And he just looks funny. Yes. He's just one of those guys. Dude, I'm telling you, I shit my pants backstage. I was so nervous. And it was one of the worst moments for me as a person my girlfriend had just broken up with me I just moved out to New York I was dressed nice which was also a thing my manager talked to me about in the beginning was

like maybe you should dress nice on stage and I was like yeah just like so I look like I was trying to get laid like I got a club I look like a douche so I'm like this Italian douchebag with like I had hair back then so I look nice you know with a nice shirt on and nice pants and I'm nervous this Italian douchebag with like, I had hair back then so I looked nice, you know with a nice shirt on and nice pants and I'm nervous, like real nervous and Jim was destroying. And I was supposed to do 45 minutes and I wound up doing like 35 and I just ate dick. I bombed so hard and I remember afterwards thinking like, and I was living with my grandfather at the time.

It was an interesting time in my life because I had just moved to New York but I couldn't afford an apartment so staying with my grandfather who lived in Newark and my grandmother it was a rough situation my grandmother had an aneurysm and they gave her 78 hours to live she wound up living 12 years Wow but it was rough right like she would moan and make these horrible noises and she couldn't talk to you and and my grandfather had to take care of her with a nurse and like it was sad man it was really sad it was depressing and my grandfather was depressed and my grandmother she was she couldn't move at all and she was bedridden and uh but part of me was it was like it was like a cold hard lesson about health and

life and that like this could happen to anybody this could happen to you it could happen to her it could happen anybody a certain point in your life your health could fail you and you could find yourself in this situation and you got to make the right decisions you got to you got to do what you want to do you don't want to live a life of regret and be old and dying and sad that you didn't go for it. You didn't do something. So my future was very, very uncertain then, you know, I just got signed by my manager who I'm still with to this day. And I was like really excited about that. Like there was promise. But then again, here I am, you know, girlfriend broke up with me,

dressed like a douchebag, bombing. And then going back to New Jersey, to Newark, which was wild at the time. Like the next door neighbor was a drug dealer. And he had an Audi, like a nice Audi in the driveway. And the cop said the DEA or whoever had fucking broken down his door and arrested him. It was like sketchy. Because the neighborhood at one point in time was this all Italian neighborhood.

And in the 1960s, it is a thing called blockbusting where they would move into these neighborhoods. Like real estate agents would get people scared and tell them the property values are going down because black people are moving in a neighborhood. You got to sell your house. My grandfather was like, I like black people. Get the fuck out of here. I'm not going anywhere. And so he was like one of the last Italian families in this neighborhood. And the neighborhood had gotten like more and more crime-ridden

as they had kind of deteriorated the community by like forcing people to sell low and cheap and people got scared. And then crime kept going and Newark just sort of deteriorated. Because it was like Italian immigrants and then crime kept going and Newark just sort of deteriorated because it was like Italian immigrants and then other immigrants and then by the time I got there, which was like 92, 93, just was not a good place to be

and then being with my grandparents and seeing my grandmother dying like that and then bombing and eating shit, but it really made me work harder because I really realized that night. I'm like, you can never bomb like that again. Like you have to, you, if you want a career in comedy, like it's almost going away. It's like slipping away. Like that can't happen. You got to fit. Cause I had a lot of, a lot of stuff in my act was just nonsense. Just wasn't good. It was okay if the crowd was like accepting and i didn't go on

after anyone too strong i could do all right but if i went on after anybody strong and then i was nervous i knew myself it was bullshit so i didn't think it was funny so as i was saying it to the crowd like i didn't have any confidence in it so that bombing though like months later i worked for the same club like maybe four or five months later, and I murdered. And I remember this kid who was there, he goes, you were here a little while ago. You weren't this funny. And I go, yeah, man, I've been fucking working. I remember how bad I ate shit last time I was here.

We both laughed. Yeah, it's traumatic to fucking eat it like that. And it was also like it was triggering to go back to the spot. Yeah, yeah. Back to the spot where you ate it. Like, do they remember?

Does the staff remember? Like, you know, when you eat shit, like, you feel useless. Yeah, it's an awful feeling.

I mean, it's the worst. But especially when you're following someone that just killed because they can smell it on you immediately.

They're like, oh, he fucking knows it's amazing how uh perceptive the audience is of like oh it's not they feel it on you yeah you're having fun they're having fun right like if you're not having fun they don't like you can say the exact same things but not enjoy it and not be into it and they don't get it they're like this isn't funny like something's wrong yeah well tony v gave me the best lesson with that was following uh like killers is because i think when you're young your natural instinct is try to keep it at that level especially like a guy like brewer

somebody like hey everybody what's up i'm fucking joe rogan yeah but he's like you gotta bring them down bring them down to the level and that comes with confidence too of that ability to sit there and be like it's gonna be fine yeah hey everybody and bring them back down to the level and that comes with confidence to have that ability to sit there and be like it's gonna be fine yeah hey everybody and bring them back down to whatever level and then you start building them back up to your energy yeah you get them into your frequency yeah but trying to like follow somebody's energy especially when it's not yours it's just it's also like the structure of shows like you don't want if you're booking a show on the road you don't want to structure it so that this guy who goes on before you does like musical

numbers and impressions and backflips and like hey this is not a good fit right but when you're starting out like you don't get to choose yeah so you you don't might you know you might have to follow wolves yeah yeah no it's it's crazy and or in boston a lot of people are doubling up they're doing this show and then they got to run to that so you'd have it where you're like okay kevin knox has to go first because he's got it and he's going yeah and they're fucking yeah and then you go up there and you're like oh shit i gotta go hi you guys are you guys nervous i'm a nervous the crowd's like fuck you you stink i'm aman. Yeah, exactly. I'm not fucking nervous Yeah, it's uh, but it was a great place to start because it because of that

Desire for like rapid-fire comedy and the short attention span like they wanted they wanted it fast They want them punch lines to hit hard and they wanted you to be good tight. Yeah Yeah, no, I still feel that way. That's still the kind of comedy I like is lots of punchlines. The bad part about that style is that those guys didn't innovate a lot. They would develop an act and they would hold on to that motherfucker like it was pearls. They would clutch those pearls. Yeah, it's interesting to me a lot of older guys

just never thought to keep writing, which's interesting to me. A lot of older guys just never thought to keep writing, which is interesting to me because the reason I write and I feel like I'm pretty prolific is just because I'm tired of saying the shit. It's not like I'm just like I can't. I got to write because I'm like I don't want to do that same bit again. I already did it. Well, it's also our generation puts out a lot of specials. Their generation didn't do that very often.

If you had one or two specials, it was a lot. Yeah. There was like three guys. It was like Carlin and like Cosby were doing an hour every year and prior, you know, whatever the same six guys, but now it feels like everybody's got to do that.

Well, also go back and watch some of the all time greats. You watch their early stuff and it's great. And then as it gets on in their career they kind of run out of stuff to talk about like kinnison is a great example of that like kinnison i think like in 86 like 86 to 88 is like one of the strongest acts that's ever lived he was so good but then you go kinnison to like 91 and he was like a parody of himself right he was like a guy pretending to be kinnison it just wasn't, he lost all of his steam.

And his brother wrote about that actually in his book. His brother wrote a book called Brother Sam, his brother Bill. And he wrote about how Sam was just partying all the time and he wasn't writing. Yeah. I mean, that's scary to me, the idea of like, I have nothing else.

I mean, right now my act is all dick and shit jokes because a pandemic, it's like, that's all I was doing was shitting and trying to have sex with my wife. So there's the thing. But I think a lot of times you end up talking about the same shit. Yeah. It's like, all right, here's my sex jokes and here's my anxiety jokes. And here's a couple of stories of things that happened. Yeah.

Well, it's comedy is here's the, I mean here's a couple of stories of things that happen yeah well it's comedy is here's the i mean it's not always it's like sometimes it's just jokes but a lot of comedies here's the world through my eyes and when your world has been kind of like being locked up and nervous for a year it's it's a weird way to develop comedy yeah and a party perspective like you're going out to a show and people are having a good time you know and you're like i was worried i was gonna die right right no it's hard to yeah no it's it's hard and i understand why a lot of comics end up getting writing jobs or just doing podcasts because it's the hardest thing to do is come

up with good material yeah well there's also there's also, there's nerves, right? And the nerves of continuing to perform at a high level. I've heard that about athletes too, that, you know, like some athletes, it's not that their body stops working, it's that they don't have the desire anymore. They don't have the, they're not as enthusiastic about it. So they don't have the same intensity. They're not as enthusiastic about it. So they don't have the same intensity that they had when they were younger. And so it just sort of fades off. Yeah, I mean, so many artists are like that.

I mean, we're talking about Scorsese. He's one of the few that still is great. But artists of all kinds, musicians too. It's like the Stones albums in the last 20 years are not, it's not Let It Bleed. You know what I mean? It's not those first. Do they even put out new music?

I think they did. God, I don't know. They did a blues album with blues covers a while ago. That might be the most recent, but. That's got to be a weird thing, too, where people only want to hear your old shit. It's the complete reverse of comedy. Yeah. They only want to hear, you know, hot rocks. rocks yeah there was a um i think simpsons

had a joke it was jackson brown he's like i'm gonna play a new song everyone goes boo and he goes just kidding it is it's like people are like what the fuck's this shit it's the complete reverse of stand-up yeah well that's that old expression every rock star wants to be a comic and every comic wants to be a rock star yeah Yeah, well, the other way it's flipped, too, is musicians, they write a song and then record it and then go play it for years, where we do the bit for years and then record it at the end. Right. It's flipped.

Yeah, well, they can develop music in a vacuum. They can develop music alone. Right. And then come out and start, this is a new song I wrote I want to do for you guys. Like, oh, here we go, here we go. You start, this is a new song I wrote. I want to write for you guys. Like, oh, here we go. Here we go. You know, this is a new one.

Where it's like, this is a new joke. I'm going to try it out. Like, no. That's another great Seinfeld thing. He said, comedy is the only art where if it's not done well, people are like, that's not the art. Like, no one's ever like, that's not a painting. Right.

But if you do a joke that doesn't work, people are like, that's not a joke. That's nothing. Well, it's one of the weird art forms where you need a response and you have to practice it in front of people. Right. So it has to be live in front of people in order to get that response. And the only way to, I mean, you write, but you think it's going to be good. You've got a kind of an idea of where you're going to go with it, but you don't really know until you're in front of those people. That's what's

amazing about comedy, too. The longer you do it, you get a better batting average. You get a better understanding of like, this is going to work. But there's still times where you're like, this is funny, and then you do it, and people are like, what? And you're like, how the fuck did that happen? How did I think that was going to be funny, and it's not?

There's also weird crowds. Like, anybody who says that crowds don't, it doesn't matter. Crowds are the same. It doesn't matter to you. it's not there's uh there's also weird crowds like anybody who says that crowds don't it doesn't matter crowds are the same it doesn't matter to you that's not true like there are moments where there's a like energy in rooms and in places it varies and you feel it up there some nights you get up there and you're like oh my god this crowd is wild like everything is popping and then you get out, and you're like oh my god. This crowd is wild like everything is popping And then you get out there, and they're like the ha ha and then it's like this death in between jokes like that Doesn't carry on the energy doesn't maintain and then you're in you're in your own head. Which is weird. Yeah, no I'm like a guy that's like. I'm sorry

I'm like it's almost always the audience because I'm saying the exact fucking shit. I said in the early show It's like you want to just play a recording of like, look how much they're enjoying it. But I forget, I think Jake Johansson said that he's like, we always as comics compare the joke to the best audience ever. And you forget it's a different group of individuals in a different situation because you're like, no, this joke kills. And you're like, well, these are different people in a different scenario. Well, it's a living art form it's a weird living thing and that's why it's hard to lock something down for a special right like is it done is it done i don't know like you got to kind of decide it's done enough well that's one of the things i hate about specials is that i know it's like you're

never getting the best version what even the best like like Bring the Pain or Prior in Long Beach, it was better live if you were there. And there was probably better night. There's no way you just captured the best night ever. Yeah. And so it's a frustrating thing about specials. Even if you did, it's not as good as being there. Yeah, you're watching it.

70% of it at the best. Yes. That's why I like albums better than specials. Because when you watch a special, it is like you're watching a show. You're watching it. 70% of it at the best. Yes. That's why I like albums better than specials, because when you watch a special, it is like you're watching a show. You're watching people watch a show, whereas at least audio, you can kind of close your eyes and it feels like you're there. Well, the feeling of being in a room where it's someone doing anything, whether it's

Cirque du Soleil or... Like Cirque du Soleil, like when you're there live and they're doing backflips and everything, it's like feels amazing. It's wild. Like it's a human being doing all that shit. But when you're watching it, it's 70% of it. You get 70% of the energy, whether it's musicians or comics especially. It's like you're by yourself.

There's no contagious laughter. There's no one around you. Yeah, that's part of it too. You're laughing at the people around you laughing. I see people at concerts like filming The stones and you're like, what are you gonna do watch that on your phone? It's gonna suck the dumbest shit is when they film fireworks Fuck is watching your fire. Look who I saw last night. Look at the bang in the sky. Yeah. No, it's listen to it

You gotta get your ear close. You get the full effect That's the great thing about comedy is you really do have to be there for it to properly be enjoyed yeah and it's it's always going to be and i think for a good reason it's always going to be like one of the least respected art forms but one of the most appreciated when you're there yeah like our art form is not really thought of like the way someone composes a symphony or someone makes a great film it's never going to be thought of that way but yet people are always going to love to go see it but the cultural perception the audience's the people's perception of like what comedy is a bunch of fucking jackasses say stupid shit and talk about their dick right i thought

louis did a great thing i'm like i think it was the last episode of the show, the show Louis, where Jim Florentine played the hack feature. Did you ever watch that? I didn't see that episode. thing i mean you should watch it but it's like louis like i'm fucking doing art man and you're just up there making fart jokes and florentine who's playing a character is not actually him but he's like now dude it's like it's a party trick people come they get drunk they watch us they go home and fuck they're just trying to you gotta have fun it's goofy and they sort of argues both sides of comedy of like no it's dick jokes it's silly it's a party and louis like no man i'm like agonizing trying to express myself and he kind of nails because it's silly it's a party and louie's like no man i'm like agonizing trying to express myself and he kind of nails because it's both things happening at the same time it is a place to go and get drunk and fucking laugh and go haha let's go somewhere else now it is both things i mean and

i love great writing but i also love some of the dumbest shit that just happens to be really funny yeah of course i mean that's how i'm trying to like i'm mad at myself right now because i'm like my whole act is dick and shit right now but then i'm like i can't wait to watch it i'm like it's funny i don't know it's to me it's funny it's i'm doing well uh we're working tonight so let's wrap this up it's already four o'clock all right great well thanks for having me thank you can i plug my special it's on youtube wait a minute we're done we're done it's over god damn it there's no more time i blew it I'm so bad at business And fuck your podcast And fuck

So Tuesdays with Stories What is the metal Mindful Metal Jacket Mindful Metal Jacket Which is hilarious I'm doing another one on YouTube Called Joe and Ron on Talk Movies But this is my special idea

And I hate myself Look at you You motherfucker 3,627,376 views Woo Yeah Self produced Ballin That's the way to do it man You did it at the cellar too Did it at the Fuck yeah 627,376 views. Woo! Yeah, self-produced. You're balling.

That's the way to do it, man. You did it at the Cellar, too. Did it at the Village Underground. Same jacket I'm wearing now. I like it. It's a good fit. Yeah, it did well. You sleek, slender bastard.

Look at you up there. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it was fucking... So the Village Underground is a Cellar sign? It's like their sister club. It's bigger. Didn't Bobby Kelly do his shit there, too? Yeah, he did his there. Sam Morell did his same- It's like their sister club. It's bigger. Didn't Bobby Kelly do his shit there too? He did his there.

Sam Morel did his there. It's such a great spot. Because Noam, the owner, who's just the best, it's like, yeah, you can have the door, you can have the room. It's great. How many seats? I don't know. Two 50 maybe?

Perfect. Something like that. No, I'm proud of it. It was great. Beautiful. Yeah. Dude, you're a funny guy. Thanks, man.

I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Stop all this low self-esteem shit. Let it go.'t worry about it keep it up keep it up whatever you're doing it's great thank you i appreciate it all right appreciate you hey all right comedy bye everybody