The Joe Rogan Experience - #1662 - Tom Papa

Episode Date: June 5, 2021

Comedian and writer Tom Papa is the host of the popular podcast "Breaking Bread with Tom Papa", and the co-host, along with Fortune Feimster, of the Netflix radio program "What a Joke with Papa and Fortune." It can be heard daily on Sirius XM.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day david frost was interviewing nixon and made that movie about it oh yeah it was like the big thing for david frost he got nixon to actually break about watergate and the way nixon tried to uh the way that nixon tried to throw him before the interview. They're just getting ready with all the cameras and stuff. He's, did you fornicate last night? David Frost was like, why is the former president of the United States? He's like, no.

So he tried to rattle him before the interview? Before the interview. Nixon was so skillful. Did you fornicate last night what is that skillful though it kind of fucked him up a little bit it was like it seems like a hail mary yeah well it didn't yeah he was he was at the end of his game did you ever hear the time when uh nixon was uh riding they got a ride hunter s thompson took a ride with Nixon, I believe to the airport, in his limo. As long as you don't talk politics.

So they just talked about football the whole way. Was he president at the time? Yeah, he was president. Oh my God. I know, that's how weird the world was back then. A fucking wackadoo like Hunter Thompson could get in a limousine with the president of the United States. Hit your ride. in a limousine with the president of the United States.

Hit your ride. Well, I think Nixon respected his football knowledge because Hunter was a football fanatic. Yeah. And so he said Nixon was the real deal. He said Nixon knew about all these draft picks from colleges. Geez. Yeah, he was following everything. He was really smart.

Was he? Yeah, he was really smart and crafty but he was you know had a lot of fatal flaws did you fornicate last night he was the oddest dude he's such a weird looking dude like no one who's looked like that since you know mike dukakis had a little bit of that and i'm like a handsomer version of nixon just like like thick thick. Yeah. Right? Everything's thick. Yeah. The skin's thick. The eyebrows are thick. Yeah.

It's like leathery and always had like a lot of Vaseline or something in the hair. Yeah. I'm not a crook. I'm not a crook. And he's just awkward with his movement. Yeah. Yeah. It's so weird.

Joints don't work right. Yeah. A political cartoonist dream. Oh, yeah. For sure. The work right. Yeah. A political cartoonist's dream. Oh, yeah, for sure. The big nose, the big jutting forehead. See, there's a problem with political cartoonists today is that they're all liberal, right? And most cartoonists are liberal, and you're going to leave Biden alone, which is very unfortunate. Because it should be indicative of the dilemma that we find ourselves in in 2021

right who's ever the guy is the is is the butt of the joke or is the the focus but but this is a very unique dilemma because we were willing to overlook like some serious problems with this guy because we hated trump so much right exactly oh i. Oh, I know. My nephews are really, really left. They went to Hampshire College, and they're just like, it couldn't get further over there. And love them all. But they were just super loved. And in our family group text, every once in a while,

they'll send a thing about Biden going too far with Israel or having a bad record at the at the border and no one wants to deal no one wants to discuss it at in the family at all because they're so exhausted from trump all those years they're like we know he's not perfect but at least he's not that and i feel like that's where the nation is it's like i know i know but well some of the nations he's not he's not tormenting us. Some of the nation's there, but the rest of the nation is like, it's eroding faith in the institution of the news. Because they're like, how come you fucking guys aren't paying attention to this?

How is he allowed to say all this crazy shit? He's been saying ridiculous shit. Have you paid attention to the gaffes, the things he said? What was the one recently about black people and businesses you know because black people can't get loans and black people it's like whoa it was like so it's such a blanket statement right right right like he he says things sometimes like uh like uh like come on man what was the statement that poor kids are they kids are just as smart as white kids. Like something along those lines. Remember that?

Yes, I do. It was something like that. It's like, hey, grandpa. Yeah. Get the fuck off the microphone. I know. But at least he's not just tormenting us nonstop. But you're right. I mean, there should be... Look, this is why there's a real problem is that there's nobody that just takes the center and just deals with news.

It's all team-based. It's also woke talking points that they feed him. Yeah. And, you know, you— And then he butchers them. He butchers them. And you compare it to, like, things that he said in the past. Like, this is not how you really feel about these things.

Yeah. But we—yeah. It's just the teams. It's the teams. Yeah. It's tribal. I know. It's like things. Yeah. It's just the teams. It's the teams. It's tribal. I know. It's like if you could just break down the teams. That's the most disheartening part of all of it is just that it's almost like we don't.

I was thinking the other day, like when we grew up, we had Russia and you had Rocky movies and Reagan was going after him and Stallone was going after Draco, whatever his name was. Like we had this enemy that we all could focus on. And now we have an absence of that. And we're looking at each other as the enemy, which has never happened in our lifetime, ever. It's so horrible that people from different parts of our country are hating on each other. It's never seen it. Well, it's exacerbated by Trump.

It was. Even with Obama in office, it was never that bad. No. Even the people that were ridiculous with Obama. Do you remember when, I guess it was Fox News or whatever, conservatives, they were furious that Obama had a tan suit on? Yeah, that was the big controversy. That was the big controversy. That and when he fist bumped

his wife amazing imagine those two things being controversial now in the wake of trump i know so it trump was so he exacerbated everything exaggerated everything everything got so like over the top that people on the left haven't calmed down yet like remember when he got out of office like as soon as biden got in and they're like, we're going to make a list. If anybody supported Trump, and you're never going to work again. You're never going to work again. Your kids are going to starve. It was PTSD.

It was really. People are just like, they see his name and they twitch. Yeah, they go crazy. But really, it's like, so what is our new thing to focus? Like China doesn't seem to do it. Like that's like the bigger competitor, but they're not like that cartoonish enemy that we had with Russ. Stallone's not going to China and taking on that guy. It doesn't have that thing.

But whatever, you got to temper down the, New York is not the enemy of Texas. Alabama is not the enemy of Texas. Alabama is not the enemy of California. We're united. The thing is, right now, we're in a confused state, like a post-COVID confused state where things aren't totally normal yet. Yeah. And everyone's like, hey, hey. It's weird.

It's definitely weird. What's happening? Are we okay? Yeah, I know. Not quite yet, right? Yeah. No, it's weird it's definitely happening are we okay yeah i know not quite yet right yeah no it's really true it's like this uh it's like fits and starts it's like even when i'm coming here i was like oh this is the land of no mass and i went into two places and was told to put on a mask and i was like oh we're not okay so you know austin austin people wear masks yeah but when you get outside of austin you go to like

round rock and you go like they don't give a fuck flugerville they don't give a fuck oh the people in flugerville you go out that way you go out to like dripping springs they don't give a fuck right there's no more covet for them right yeah they they gave up but by the way it was like that like six months ago i'm not kidding i believe you yeah no there were a lot of places like that like in the limited touring that i was doing like i would go to i went to like omaha and i was in um kansas city and i was coming from the perspective of california and i'm like hey look at us we're all out and they were like yeah we've been out they were like florida doesn't give a fuck they really don't give a fuck We just did an arena in Houston For the UFC

And we did an arena in Florida Before that, 15,000 people packed And it felt crazy Like are we really doing this? It's really happening But by the time we did the second one in Houston It was like yeah, we're back to arenas Yay, crowds, full crowds for the fights

That's so great. Yeah, man. Just take your fucking vitamins. Just do it. Go. It's time. I mean, this was all the plan. It's like, we're here.

We're here. I was at the car wash the other day, and it's in LA, and there's like the outdoor seating where you wait for your car, and there's like 12 people in chairs. And I came out, and everybody had the masks down around their chin. And I was oh and i'm what's that i've been kind of like walking around i've been kind of like walking around with no mask right and then i went into uh and i sat down and so i had no i had my mask in my pocket and i started talking to this guy next to me and i look over and all those people then had their mask lifted up and there was an older couple there with their mask on so everybody had it low the old couple walked out they all put it back up and I'm sitting there with nothing on my chin now I felt like the bad guy so I had to like

rifle it out of my pocket it's like but June 15th that's all over right June 15th that's not going to be a thing California's crossing that threshold so all right if we're at June 15th that's not going to be a thing california is crossing that threshold so all right if we're at june 15th like what's today why am i doing right exactly what magic thing what is today's date today's the fourth the fourth oh we got just a few more days and it's normal and it's normal so down to normal so what game are we playing here well did you read the fauci emails yes the freedom of Information emails? That's really crazy. Because he, first of all, he's admitting in these emails that masks don't work.

Was he? Yes. Yeah, he talked about it. Talked about it openly. Wait, I didn't know that part. I thought you were going to talk about the crazy thing. Well, that too. But here's the thing.

Part of the email was, look, part of the mask conversation with Fauci has always been that at the beginning of the pandemic, he said masks didn't work. But then he said the reason he said that is because there wasn't enough masks for first responders and hospital staff, and he wanted to make sure that the supply wasn't diminished. So he said that he didn't tell the truth. Right? Okay. But in these emails, he's also, these are private emails.

He's saying masks don't work. For real? Yes. He's saying that they're not effective for what you, outside of a hospital setting, these masks like for personal use, the kind of cloth masks and paper masks that everybody's wearing, they're not effective. They're not, they can't, exactly what did he say? Let's pull it up so we get exactly what he said.

But that's not even the big part. The big part is he's talking about gain-of-function research in the Wuhan lab, and he's concerned about it, and thinking whether or not they had paused that and whether they're still doing that, and he's trying to connect the gain-of-function research in the Wuhan lab with this COVID breakout and whether or not that's where it came from. Right. Why is that a big deal or not that's where it came from. Right. Why is that a big deal? Because they funded it.

The NIH funded these people who funded the gain of function research in the Wuhan lab, which means they're responsible for funding the very research that led to this outbreak if that's where it came from. Right. So all this time when he's been saying it came from nature, there's no way it came from a lab. Well, you know that's shifted, right? Now everybody's saying it came from a lab. Right.

But they're not confirmed yet. But the evidence is pointing as it's most likely that it came from a lab. But this whole time, Fauci's been saying it didn't, but you see in his emails that he was concerned. Well, concerned, but isn't that just trying to figure out what the information is? she's been saying it didn't but you see in his emails that he was concerned well concerned but isn't that but isn't that like just trying to figure out what the information is not really

because he doesn't definitively know either right there's a lot of indications according to the email he's talking to another scientist right the scientist points out the variables or the the um the components of the virus that seemed to indicate that it possibly came from a lab but publicly he's been out and out dismissing that because he's connected to that research because he's connected to the very research they were doing there uh-huh it's really complicated shit it's because rand paul's been grilling him have you seen those things Typical mask you buy at a drugstore is not really effective in keeping out the virus, which is small enough to pass through the material. It might, however, provide some slight benefit in keeping out gross droplets if someone coughs or sneezes on you. I do not

recommend that you wear a mask, particularly since you're going to a very low risk location. See, this is just him saying that these drugstore masks are not really effective. Right. But this is in an email after he has said publicly that you didn't have to wear masks because they didn't really help. And then he's saying this and after that he said, well, he wasn't telling the truth there because he didn't want people to buy all the masks. But then he's saying this after that

right in an email that they don't really work but yet he's wearing a mask kind of like that's there is shades in that there's like the gross droplets gross droplets and if you're in a low risk location like what's his motivation to like why would he profess masks if he thought part and parcel that they don't work? First of all, the narrative is everybody needs to mask up. But why? Well, because it makes people feel safer, A. It helps people get back to work, B. And it obviously is providing some benefit.

Yeah. Listen, this is my take on it. Something's happening because the flu cases are down so low. Oh, yeah. So is that because of people wearing masks? Is that because of social distancing? Because everybody's kind of freaked out and staying away from each other for so long? Washing their hands everywhere they go?

Having Purell at every spot? I don't think that's it. Because you're talking about something that's airborne. Well, for that. But to get a cold, you know, your hands and touching your shit. All those things. All those things. Maybe. All those things.

Yeah, maybe. But there's something, there's very well likely something to masks that maybe we weren't aware of. So even what he's saying there, that it might just keep out gross droplets, but isn't it all about viral load? Because that's the thing they say about hospital workers. Hospital workers, when they're exposed to so much, that's when it's overwhelming and they really get sick. Yeah, they get a heavy dose. So maybe that's what these masks are good for. What is this?

Yeah, get that. There you go. Which are the protective measures anyone should take against the new virus? Do masks work? He said, the vast majority of people outside China do not need to wear a mask. Read the Fauci-approved response, a mask is more appropriate for someone who's infected than for people trying to protect against infection.

Right. I mean, what's, but like, what's, my whole thing with all of this is it's been very confusing. We're all all every governor's making decisions everybody's around the world is trying to figure shit out and calling a lockdown and calling not a lockdown everyone's like unlimited information trying to make the best decisions that they can like i don't think that as a governor of a state you're making a decision to screw up the economy on purpose i don don't think that Fauci is talking about masks

to harm people. You know what I mean? No, that's not the problem. I feel like they just have limited information and are trying to muddle their way through the best that they can. That's not the real problem is the mask thing. It's a small problem.

The real problem is this gain-of-function research shit. This is the very research that they were doing where they were juicing up gain of function they were juicing up these viruses to make them more infectious and they were practicing uh-huh like trying to use uh i think they use human lung tissue and try to get the virus to be more the the idea is with i mean i'm going to butcher this for sure but i think the idea is when they're doing this research, they want to find out what makes these viruses more infectious. And they were doing it on the original SARS as well, which has like a 10% fatality rate, which is very scary. This stuff is less than 1%, but that stuff is way worse. And by doing this gain of function research,

they run the risk of people getting sick. We just found out a couple of weeks ago that in November of 2019, three workers from the lab in Wuhan got sent home and sent to the hospital rather, really ill with coronavirus-like symptoms. And this was before they had COVID-19 tests, right? So these people got sent home. I believe one of the guy's wives died from COVID and they think this was the initial infection. So these people in the lab got sick. So all this time while they were trying to dismiss this lab outbreak, that had been hidden from us that these three people in the lab got sick. The fact that Fauci had something to do with that gain-of-function research and funding that gain-of-function research, that had kind of been hidden from us. Well, that makes it seem—

Josh Rogan exposed that. But that makes it seem like Fauci's putting on scrubs and walking down the halls of that place. You know what I mean? Is Fauci really in there? You know what I mean? Are you defending Fauci. Yeah. Like,

I don't know. I think that he's been put up as a, uh, someone we can take our fears and anger and, and throw it at. But is he like, he may be part of like, you know,

these things are huge. Like there's a big board of people that decide that what they're going to research. And then you got to read these emails. You got to read these emails. I know. So do you think that he's evil? Do you think that? No, I'm not saying that. So what do you, what are you saying? of people that decide what they're gonna research. And then there's- You gotta read these emails. You gotta read these emails and read- I know. So do you think that he's evil?

Do you think that he is? No, I'm not saying that. So what are you saying? I think someone fucked up. I think they're trying to cover up the fact that they fucked up. Ah, okay. I think the whole reason why they've been saying

that this thing came from nature, it's a natural spillover, is I don't think they're saying that because that's the most likely scenario. I think they were saying that because that's the most likely scenario i think they're saying that because they fucked up right now they didn't want everyone to know that they fucked up and i think having the position of power and having the position of authority that he had he could say it there's no indication this came from a lab who is they who fucked up like what is this well the lab in wuhan for sure okay so who runs that lab well i don't know but i do know that the nih funded an organization

they gave money to an organization which gave money to that lab that's that's the official story got it and this is the story that r Paul talked about when he was grilling Fauci. This is also what Josh Rogin talked about. He's a journalist that investigated all this. What Rogin was saying was that during the Trump administration, everything was so chaotic that they were able to restart this kind of dangerous research that Obama had put the brakes on. Obama apparently would be like, what the fuck are you doing?

Why are you making viruses more deadly? Oh, really? Stop. Let's not do this. Trump was over there going, I'm number one. I'm the best. And they're like, I got an idea. Let's start that fucking research back.

Let it fly. I don't know. Virus force. It's interesting because some news organizations are ignoring it completely. And other organizations are attacking. That's when you see whether or not the news is really the news. Because you see the difference between the way the left-wing news is covering it, which is a lot of them are just out and out ignoring it. And the right-wing news coverage, they're constantly bringing up these emails and pulling them out.

Hashtag fire Fauci and all this different shit. Yeah, yeah. Well well that's the thing it's like once you start once you start um calling out like this is our side's thing like i saw that there was a headline in the new yorker or the new york times that said why it's important to why it's so important to figure out whether this lab theory is correct or not and it was like that was kind of the first time i saw it in those in those papers of oh no it was in the it was in newsweek a couple months ago no but i'm saying that was like the first that was the first shot fired yeah yeah because you see when you see it on the cover of newsweek when they started to consider it again yeah yeah but it was political trump yeah it was totally political trump was such he was such a polarizing figure that and people hated him so much and anything

that guy said everybody was like fuck him let's go the other way right he said it came from a lab that it definitely didn't come from a fucking lab yeah well that's the problem right that's the boy that cried wolf syndrome right it became like exactly he kind of did that to himself he may he just keeps saying such crazy shit that everybody was just and making it and calling you know everybody and yelling meanwhile fauci just wrote a book so he's releasing a book on this now and making money off of a book oh yeah and he's also the same guy that told us we would never shake hands again i think he's adorable though he's little he's got like a little like a bronx kind of thing going i got an action figure somebody sent me a fauci action figure yeah with a mask on it has a mask on sitting on my desk he's adorable he's

funny put him out there he's like you know there's like all look i would love to know what that will like okay so if we're trying to get into the truth of it which is what we need right we need to know obviously you and if we're trying to get into the truth of it, which is what we need, right? We need to know. Well, obviously you and me are not going to get into the truth of it. Please. You could tell me the fact right now and I'll forget it by the next subject. But if they're trying to figure that out, like, who is behind Wuhan? Like, who is making those decisions to do all this stuff?

Like, and how far, is that a global thing? Like, is the U.S. a huge part of it? Was Norway really involved? Like who? Well, they have a bunch of labs in China apparently that do this kind of work. And they do different kinds of work at different kinds of labs.

And the real fear is that, like some labs in the world, some places in the world, they do weaponized virus work. God, terrifying. Thatized virus work. God. Terrifying. That's terrifying. Terrifying.

They did that in Russia. We actually covered that on this sci-fi show that I hosted years back. Oh, yeah? We covered the idea of weaponized viruses. But the thing that they told me when we went to the CDC down in Galveston, Texas, they have this big building where they house basically every fucking terrible disease known to man. Big thick ass walls and ventilation systems and everyone's wearing spacesuits. And me and Duncan are high as fuck wandering around this place. No.

You brought Duncan? Yeah, me and Duncan went down there. Oh, that's great. And the guy was saying that what he's really worried about more than anything is things that come from nature. He's like, we could worry all day about weaponized viruses, and he goes, but the possibility of that is low compared to the possibility of something jumping from nature, which is very high.

Well, that's why during this whole debate of whether it's the lab or the bat, I would rather it be that it came from the lab. Like the idea that so there's just a bat, and then one person eats it or kisses it on the lips and now we're all like you know what i mean that's so random to me it was like the lab thing i could get my head around it's like okay somebody's screwing up and they go through the thing without being sprayed down and okay that's man-made you expect there to be mistakes but if there's just like some weird wombat that bites some kid on the ankle and then we're all screwed that is terrifying i'd much rather

it be the lab story hmm interesting right no yeah no no because the lab ones they kind of can see how they jump i rather the uh nature spillover ones they can kind of see how they jump they see like intermediate steps they see how it leaps from one animal like the idea was that it went from a bat to a pangolin right angling to a person and they but you don't but you didn't know until we're all screwed up and people are having not able to breathe and then that that it came from the bat like if we if we knew beforehand, hey, the bats are really bad, then we could go out and kill the bats. But we don't know that beforehand.

Kill the bats? Well, you know what I'm saying. Nobody's saying we're going to kill the bats. Well, we should if they're... Should we exterminate the bats? Yeah, I'm for... Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I think they're really worried about livestock. That's what they're worried about the most, right? Like these swine flus and avian flus. Those are the scary ones. And those are the ones that have traditionally been super deadly. Those have come from livestock, a lot of them, a lot of the pandemics. That's where they jump. They jump from-

Mad cow disease. No, no. Mad cow disease is a totally different thing. Mad cow disease, you have to actually eat the meat because it's a prion disease. So what it is is like brain tissue that these cows are eating. They're eating their own brain tissue. Yeah, that's how mad cow disease is kind of fucked. Because what it is is like farmers feeding cows, ground up cows.

Ew. Yeah, they did that to get more protein in the cow's diets. Ew. Yeah. They did that to get more protein in the cow's diets. And cannibals, whether it's cows or even humans, it creates, when you eat human neural tissue, I think that's what it is. It's brain tissue or neural tissue. It creates this thing called, what is it, Jakobskrotzfeld disease?

And that disease is the same thing as mad cow. It's also, it's a prion disease like chronic wasting disease, which is a disease that's infecting deer all across the country right now. And it's a real crazy issue because it hasn't jumped from deer to people. Like you can eat a deer that has chronic wasting disease, but you're eating prions that, even though they don't affect humans, like, you can't even kill them in a lab. Like, when they take these implements, like, instruments, rather, like, say if someone does an operation on a person who has mad cow disease, right?

Yeah. They've taken these instruments they use for surgery, and they've put them in a thousand degree temperature for hours and the prions are still alive why are you trying to scare me you know i i try and say that it's the lab and then you tell me that nature is not as scary then you bring that out that sounds terrifying there's so much that can get us out there there's a lot that can get us there's so much and even like not even like the big stuff, like just small, like poison ivy. How about ticks?

How about the Lyme disease? Fucking Lyme disease. Oh my God. I have a friend that has had Lyme disease. He has wrecked. Oh yeah. No exaggeration. It has wrecked the last 10 years of his life.

Yeah. He's been like in a hungover fog for 10 years. Yeah. Lyme disease is horrible. Horrible. And there's real speculation that Lyme disease was actually a weaponized disease that got out. Ah, jeez. Did you know that?

No, I didn't know that. Who did that? CIA. Here it goes. Ah, jeez. In 1981, a scientist who was studying Rocky Mountain spotted fever, also caused by a tick bite, began to study Lyme disease. This scientist, Willie Bergdorfer- I don't trust him.

Found the connection between the deer tick and the disease. He discovered that the bacterium called Spirochet, carried by ticks, was causing Lyme. The medical community honored Dr. Bergdorfer's discovery in 1982 by name- 82. Okay, with extensive backgrounds on Lyme patients and scientific discoveries that ensued, doctors began to use several antibiotics to treat the disease. Da, da, da, da, da. What is the CIA part about it?

I jumped the gun, sorry. Yeah. Give me the CIA part about it. We do love the 80s, but... Hold on a second. Because this CIA speculation is pretty recent. Hold on a second. Because this CIA speculation is pretty recent.

It's pretty recent that there was some work that they were doing with the idea of spreading diseases through ticks. Which is like, what kind of a government do we have? Yeah, what are you doing to us? These guys are sitting around with cigars going, I got a fucking idea. Yeah, exactly. Some claim that Lyme disease was introduced into the northeastern region of the U.S. by a man-made strain of Borrelia burgdorferi. There's so many words. So it must be named after that doctor. That escaped from a high-containment biological warfare laboratory on Plum Island. However, there's ample evidence to indicate that both Iaxodes...

What does that mean? It cuts off. There's so many weird words. Plum Island. That doesn't sound good. That sounds like a place where they do tests on kids and like... You know what I mean? Right.

They trick them with plums. They lure them in to the van with plums, drop them off on that island. You can only get there with one boat. And they do weird tests and it's creepy hallways, and it's always wet. There's one boat a day. It leaves at 6 p.m. If you miss it, you stay for the day. Yeah, did the U.S. invent Lyme disease in the 60s?

The House aims to find out. Okay, the House is investigating this. In the 1960s, on an 840-acre island at the entrance of Long Island Sound, scientists at the highly guarded Plum Island Animal Disease Center were at the forefront of a U.S. biological weapons research. Wow. Specifically, they sought to create pathogens that could be deployed stealthily via insects. Listen, bro, for sure that got out that way.

Skip ahead to 1975 when the nearby town of Old Lyme, Connecticut became the epicenter of a strange tick-borne illness. Oh, that's why it's Lyme? Exactly. Children began to report unusual skin rashes, chronic fatigue, and swollen knees. In 1981, the condition was named Lyme disease. A conspiracy theory spread like a fever as the researchers at Plum Island had engineered a new sickness, one that now affects more than 30,000 Americans per year. Yeah, it probably did.

So how did it get? So why is it predominantly in deer? Because it's right next to that fucking place. No, like deer. Because the deer get infected by the ticks. So they've got the ticks. They carry the ticks. The ticks carry the disease.

Wherever the deer are, the ticks live. The ticks get onto people. People get the disease. You know, i just want to walk down the appalachian trail roast some marshmallows with my family don't get bit by a tick bro i know right oh my god we get that's the that's the theory and apparently there's some merit to it i've talked to people that are like in intelligence agencies and they think there might be some merit to that now let me ask you this general question general like that that creates like some sense of calm almost because

you know like you get an idea like oh that came from plum island from those weirdos and they did the thing with all of these theories of like where the stuff came from and all is it just it does it calm us down to have a story rather than live with the reality that we live on this crazy germ-filled virus-filled planet that we have no control over and no real narrative like there we're basically living in chaos is that why people crave these stories well do they crave these stories? Well, here's the thing. For sure, we live on this crazy germ-filled, predator-filled, dangerous planet. Yeah.

That's a fact, right? And there's for sure a bunch of diseases and a bunch of poisons and toxins and things that can kill us, for sure. But I don't know why I would give you calm to think some fucking spooks, some crazy CIA freaks, invented some goddamn weaponized disease that infected bugs and then they released it and then it accidentally got to Lyme, Connecticut and started fucking up kids' lives. I don't know why that would make you calm. The same reason I don't know why coronavirus coming from a lab would be better.

Like, oh, it's better. It's better than it came from a lab. Because you could go, oh, it was that guy. That guy. Those creeps on Plum Island did it. I don't know. Rather than it just came out of the sewer and attacked us. I read about a lady who had- It's all scary.

She had HIV, so she has a very compromised immune system. And she got COVID, and she had it for over 200 days. And the virus mutated in her body 30 times. Ew. I don't know what that means, but it sounds disgusting. The variants. You have to take into account all the variants. It isn't amazing how the fear of words like that, like, OK, so my family's vaccinated.

We're all good. And I'm like, I am good to go. Go to the comedy store. I'm just like, I don't even have a mask in my car. And my wife's like, you might want to be a little more cautious. And I'm like, why? This was the plan. I got I'm good.

I followed the rules. I did the things. I'm good to good i followed the rules i did the things i'm good to go she's like but the variants and it's like what do you know from the variants like what do you mean the variants like that's but it i understand it because we're you're locked on to the fearful words that they've kept spilling over us for all this time and maybe it will turn out that a variant comes out of but not now there's no variant there's, but not now. There's no variant. There's variants. But there's no variant that is able to perpetrate the vaccine. Incorrect.

It is not true. Yes. Incorrect. Incorrect. The South African variant, 100%. People that were vaccinated or people that, it was either people that are vaccinated or people that had the antibodies from the original COVID encountered the South African variant,

and it was almost like they had no protection at all. You know, sometimes I think you make things up just to scare me. It's what Fauci said. I'm repeating exactly what he said. But we're not supposed to believe Fauci, you said. I believe some of the things he said. Oh, come on. Now I'm really confused.

He's an infectious disease expert. Can I go to the coffee shop without it? That is what he said. Is my wife right? I think you should take vitamin D. I think you should exercise. I think you should drink a lot of water. Take care of yourself. Yeah.

I think you should take all the vitamins, quercetin, zinc, fish oil, all those things. I've heard fish oil is no good. Listen, the reason why you don't die, that's not true. The reason why you don't die from the disease, like everybody doesn reason why you don't die from the disease like everybody doesn't die from it is because your immune system protects you. Right. Your immune system fights off the disease and you survive. The key is having an immune system that's so strong that you never really get sick. But it's possible to do.

It's just not easy and it takes a concerted effort over a long period of time to protect yourself from not just COVID, but all diseases, right? This is what you're trying to do with an immune system. Right, exactly. It's just when something like this comes along that you can spread to people, and there's a lot of people with compromised immune systems, a lot of people that aren't healthy, and older folks, and it's fucking scary. Are you concerned that there will be a variant that is more deadly? Variants?

No. Generally, when viruses mutate, this is, again, me. I'm an idiot. I don't know shit about viruses. You're very smart, man. When viruses mutate, they tend to be less deadly but more transmissible. Because that is how a virus stays alive. A virus doesn't stay alive by killing its host.

A virus stays alive by keeping the host alive and then becoming more transmissible to other people. Ah-ha. Well, that's a glimmer of hope. Yeah. Well, then it just comes down to people that have fucked up immune systems.

You know, and this is the big opportunity that was missed during this whole pandemic was like a concerted government effort to educate people on how to strengthen

your immune system. How to get out there and get healthier. How to be healthier. Look, obesity is the number one problem. Number one. 78% of the people hospitalized with COVID were obese. 78%. 78%.

Yeah. Wow, that's high. It's terrible for your body. Yeah. And all this body positivity shit. Yeah. It's nonsense. Look, no one wants you to feel bad.

Right. I don't want anybody to feel bad. No. But yeah facts the facts is the variance you've got to take care of your body take care of your body you take care of your body it's going to take care of you that's what i'm saying eat tom papa's bread i apologize i screwed up the uh the bake i was going to try and bring you bread and i was like up bake? You still fuck up bakes? How do you do that? Timing. The timing.

Because I need the days. And I just screwed up the order of it. My daughter came back from school. I was distracted. How much time does it take you to bake a loaf of bread? From the time I pull out the starter from the refrigerator, it's one, two, three days. Three days? Yeah. Wow. Because you feed it in the first day

you mix and make the the dough and make it into so when you say feed it like so explain this you take the starter out how big of a piece of the starter do you take a big tablespoon a tablespoon like two tablespoons basically and then what do you do with that two tablespoons i put it into a little bowl and i put equal amount of flour and water in it, like 100 grams of each. That's feeding it, giving it flour and water so the yeast in there can eat. And do you have a specific kind of flour that you use? I do. What is it?

I get from Central Milling out of Utah, and I order 50 pound bags of flour. It costs more to ship it than it does to pay for the flour. That's hilarious. Yeah, and I get these big giant things. Is the flour like a specific kind of flour? Yeah, there's different, and you're always kind of exploring these different types of flour.

I almost said variants I use a I use a malted wheat flour and an all-purpose flour and then mess around with spelt and some rise and some stuff like that do you you know there's this like old-world wheat yeah like that Italian pasta when you get it in Italy, they have that old, what is that called? Durham. No, but there's a, like it's double zero. Double zero. Yeah, they use that for pizza doughs.

Yeah. Yeah. It really tastes better. Double zero flour. Yeah. It's better. It doesn't like upset your stomach as much either. No, no.

I mean, my bread is predominantly wheat and it does not hurt your stomach. It does not cause you to. My wife actually had a bagel the other day. It kind of hit her. She had a bagel, just a pure bagel, and went to school. She teaches and crashed in the middle of before lunch. But when she eats my bread, she's not hungry and she doesn't crash because it's already breaking down all of the sugars in the process of it.

Well, explain that. It's because it's sourdough, right? Right, exactly. And sourdough, it's very low gluten, right? Sourdough? I don't know if it's. No, not necessarily. It's not?

No, not necessarily. Because that's the structure of it. No, not necessarily because that's the structure of it. But I thought that was the whole idea of sourdough was that sourdough has lower gluten because there's something about the starter and whatever that. Yeah, no. What is the fermented, what would you call it? The starter, the mother. What is the actual organism that's growing in there? The yeast.

It's yeast? Yeast, yeah, yeast. There's something about that yeast. Apparently, they were saying with sourdough that makes it have less gluten i don't think it has less gluten i mean because gluten is the structure it's like those strands that will make the bread have its shape you know it's the protein yeah and it makes it have that shape let's google it but the thing but the thing about like my friends who were gluten intolerant and it was all the extra stuff that was in the breads

that was bothering their stomach and when they if you just eat my bread which is flour water salt and yeast it doesn't have anything extra in it there's no sugars like preservatives and and sugars and glucose and all this other stuff and that was making people sick and i have friends that had gluten issues that eat my bread and have no problem with it because it's just pure you know and uh so my wife was she wasn't crashing just from from eating my stuff but you eat a bagel which has some added sugar in it and it has all these uh sugars that are breaking down your body's breaking down yeah you don't realize how bad that stuff is for you yeah do you feel that crash when you're like from your yeah like oh here it goes fermentation process used to make sourdough breaks bread down some of the gluten and inflammatory compounds and

wheat yeah however it still contains some gluten and no scientific evidence suggests that it's easier to digest yeah but what kind of science are they doing on digestion yeah You know? Yeah. How's it make you feel? But it is, see, it does break down some of the gluten and the inflammatory compounds, whatever the fuck those are. Yeah.

The digestibility of sourdough bread may depend upon the individual and various factors. Huh. Yeah. I mean, there's different flours that you can use that are low gluten, but they're very tough to work with. You end up with flat breads. Go back to that. It says right there, there's several brands of ready-made gluten-free sourdough bread on the market.

Yeah. The fermentation process improves the taste, texture, and shelf life of gluten-free bread. You may find you prefer gluten-free sourdough over regular yeah and free bread but you're working towards trying to get gluten-free at that point this is a this is a sourdough propaganda website check the source on that so then I feed it and then I feed it that day I'll feed it in the morning and then feed it in the afternoon and then it starts to bubble up. Like it really becomes active. Yeah.

It becomes this real bubbly thing. It's like the yeast is eating it and it's shooting out gas. And it becomes this bubbly stuff that's ready to be making a dough, which you do the next day. And then you make that into your dough. You take more flour and water, mix that together. And then you add the sourdough starter that you have in that weird little bowl, and you mix that together. And then after four hours, you shape that, put it in baskets, put it in the refrigerator, and then the next morning you bake it. So it's three days.

Wow. Yeah. So you really plan it out. You do. Yeah. So it's a you have like you really plan it out like you do like during those times once you get that starter out and start feeding it like you have a process. A hundred percent. And I have to work my day around it. Like if I know I'm going to the store that night at nine, I can't mix. I can't mix four hours before that. Right. Because if I'm going to come home late, I'll miss the time, it'll overproof, and then I've got something that's too loose to work with. So I literally have to make sure that I shape it before I go do my spots,

or I'll literally work my, I won't hang out. I'll like, I've gotta get home because I've gotta get the bread shaped. Yeah, it's a baker's life. It's kind of crazy. Which is why any time I think about starting a bakery or doing it bigger it's kind of crazy which is why anytime i think about like starting a bakery or like doing it bigger like i do four loaves i was just gonna ask you that yeah it's a hard it's a it's a real hard dedicated life that you have to it's not easy

work it's a hard not life get it like garlic yeah i was gonna ask you if you ever thought about starting up a bit because you you really are an artist like your bread really is special whenever i eat it i'm like god damn this is yeah really good like if i had a bakery near me and i could get a fresh loaf of your bread yeah i'd be pumped i'd be there all the time. I know. And it wouldn't really, it's not bad for you. It's not good for you. You can't eat it all the time. Stop lying to people. No, you can't. It's fucking bread, bro.

It's bread, but it's not the bread that you're used to. It's not eating a baguette. It's not eating this other kind of stuff. I'm telling you, it's not as good. Are you a scientist? Do you know this for a fact? Are you just guessing? No, I know it for a fact.

Yeah? Yeah, I know it for a fact. And anecdotally, for my life, I can't eat it every day. But anecdotally, it does feel different. When I do cut all that stuff out, when I cut completely out, that's when I lose weight, for sure. Yeah. But if I'm going to eat that stuff, if I am going to eat a bread product, like to eat my bread and that's like your one carb thing that you get for the day. Yeah. You're in good shape when have you ever gone on like a full health diet like i'm gonna not

eat any sugar i'm gonna not drink any alcohol yeah not eat any garbage food uh-huh have you done that yeah how long for like 30 days yeah how was it it was uh it was hard in the beginning the the the stuff that i really missed like that's what the cool thing is that you can actually see what you abuse yeah right and uh for me it was dairy products it was cheeses really yeah interesting i like that was like the thing that was hard for me to are they Are they bad for you, cheeses? Yeah, I guess. Who tells you that? The internet.

I think raw cheese is not bad for you. Isn't that a processed food? I mean, a lot of things are processed. Just processed doesn't necessarily mean bad, right? Like what means bad is preservatives. Preservatives are a real issue. I don't think processed. A lot of healthy foods are processed. But if you eat a lot of cheese, aren't you going to be a little?

I saw a study recently that connected cheese with lower instances of Alzheimer's. Really? What the fuck does that mean? There is nothing. I just accept it there is nothing greater to me than wine cheese and bread and throw in some pepperoni or right right prosciutto like that charcuterie oh charcuterie charcuterie yeah like that if you tell me that that's okay to eat i would eat it every single day. There's a place in town called the Lonesome Dove and they have rattlesnake salami.

What? Yeah. Is it good? Fuck yeah. That place is really good. That's amazing. It's a delicious restaurant. They have all kinds of cool stuff there.

Wild game. They serve all kinds of interesting foods and dishes. Really good stuff so when I did the 30 days like I dropped probably 10 pounds and and that was like kind of the lesson that I had like like alcohol I was okay meat even I don't eat that much it was really the that kind of cheesy stuff. But look, anytime I want to dial in, like during the pandemic when I was like, I worked out the whole time. I was doing everything I could to be healthier. And when I just didn't have any bread, like none of that stuff. You feel better.

Yeah, for sure. Raw cheeses apparently are very hard to get. And I knew a dude who's from France. He's from France. He was an oncologist from Paris. And he smuggled raw cheese back from Europe. Really? Yeah, because in Europe, cheese is not pasteurized and homogenized.

Yeah, why is that okay? Well... And why do we think it's not okay? Well, I think the whole thing is shelf life. It's the same reason why raw milk is difficult. Yeah. They were arresting people for selling raw milk at places in California. Yeah, it's a big deal.

I was once on the road in the Northeast with a... My opening act wanted raw milk at places in California. Yeah, it's a big deal. I was once on the road in the Northeast with my opening act wanted raw milk. And she was like, can we just stop and ask the farmer? And we did. We pulled into this guy's little place that was in New Hampshire or Vermont and asked him if we could have a glass of milk. And he gave it to us.

What a weird fucking request. I know. A couple of comedians pull up to your house. Can we have a glass of milk? Just milk right from the cow? And it was kind of warm. It was warm? Yeah, it was kind of warm.

Like right from the cow? Yeah, like right from the cow. Wow. Yeah, it was weird. How long did you talk to this guy before you asked him for milk? Ten seconds. First of all, when you're pulling up to, like, someone's barn or house, like, you're coming up that gravel road with the dust coming off the back of your car.

They're probably like this, looking out the window. Someone's coming. Yeah. He looks like a bread maker two comedians pop out we want some regular milk you bread eating fucko yeah i'll give you some bread for some milk i'll trade you bread open up my case so is that all but if it's shelf life that's just commerce well the yeah there's commerce but there's the worry that people are going to have milk that's raw, and they're going to let it sit, and they're going to drink it, and they're going to get sick.

I mean, the whole reason why homogenized and pasteurized milk was made is so that it could stay fresh or stay drinkable for longer. Right, right. But the way it's been described to me, like all the natural enzymes that are in milk, they help your body digest it. A lot of the problems that people have with like um you know people have like lactose intolerance like one of my daughters has lactose intolerance so she has to take like a little pill before she has anything

a lactaid yeah otherwise she's her butt becomes a trumpet which is fun sometimes. Yeah. But this lactose thing apparently is not nearly as much of an issue when they use raw milk. Oh, interesting. So people that have a hard time digesting milk normally, again, we should probably Google this. Is it easier for people with lactose intolerance to digest raw milk? I'm already looking at something that says, like, the ease of digestibility of raw cheddar gives those that experience discomfort with processed cheese products a delicious and natural option. So, I mean, that's the whole reason why.

But can you get it in Texas? Like, because California is, like is regulated through the fucking roof. There's a lot of weirdness with the raw milk. I remember you used to be able to buy it places, but then I saw that certain places were getting, like people were literally getting arrested. But then I was like, well, is that because they don't have a license for it? Is it like if they skirted the regulations?

Right, right. What's happening? You know? Has the dairy, it seems like the nut milks is what most people are eating now you are such a californian no one in texas is drinking that nut really oat milk and it seems like the nut milk is what everybody's drinking and my silver lake community oh Ooh. No, really. That stuff's disgusting.

First of all, it's not milk. Do you ever drink milk? Yes. Do you ever drink milk? Regular milk? I drink milk, yeah. You do? Dude, peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk is sensational. And then what is that?

There's a vegan cookie company that you get at Whole Foods. I think it's Uncle Eddie's. Is that what it is? Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn, they're so good. Those are good. I don't care if they're vegan. I think it's Uncle Eddie's. Is that what it is? Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn, they're so good. Those are good. I don't care if they're vegan.

I don't care. Yeah. They're so good. The peanut butter chocolate chip ones are, oh, with milk. Oh my God, sensational. Yeah, well, I think that, I mean, look, this is because I live in California now. Everyone's drinking the oat milks. You're going to tell me that nut milks aren't pissing off the dairy people?

First of all, it's not milk. It's some weird thing you're doing with water. You just soak in these beans. I always think that when I put it on cereal or something. I'm like, I'm just wetting it. I'm just using this to wet the cereal. Yeah, there is no breasts on almonds. You're not getting milk out of almonds.

It's not milk. Oat milk's pretty good. Yeah, it tastes good, but most of that stuff is sugar. Yeah, I found a place you can buy it and it delivers to you. Oh, look at that. It even comes through the mail. That's got to be good for you. One gallon raw milk, they deliver it to you.

Dude, I have not had a glass of milk in 20 years. Raw butter, eggs. Oh. Cheddar, Asiago. Send me a link to this place. Ooh. Okay.

This is nice. It is nice. Okay. Barntodore.com. And then you find a local farm. It's like Uber Eats for farms, I guess. And they have raw butter, raw milk. It doesn't come like,

so this just, it says it will come like in three days. I think so. You have to like pre-order it. Sure. I get it. Well,

seems like that makes sense. I go to the specialty shop and get this butter from France. Throw it on a little? Nope. I get this French butter. Oh my God.

What is that stuff? Oh, Gouda. Look at that slab of Gouda cheese. Ooh, look at that. Oh, I love it all. Raw cheddar, raw Gouda. Look at that slab of Gouda cheese. Ooh, look at that. Oh, I love it all. Raw cheddar, raw Gouda. It's not Pepper Jack. It's so good. Oh, they sold out of the fucking Pepper Jack.

I'm a big fan of raw milk. It tastes really good. Yeah, man, I don't even think about drinking milk. It's a weird thing, right, because it's only really for weaning animals. It's only really for young animals animals it's only really for or like young young animals that are sucking on their mother's teats right well that's what it's for here i kind of left out the big part of this thing when i when i did this this was like 15 years ago and i did like it was the 30 days of like cut everything completely out my allergies went away i my whole life i thought I was allergic to cats or I was

constantly chasing, is it seasonal? Is it whatever? I mean, my whole life. And when I stopped, it was, I had no more allergies. I was not blowing my nose 24 hours a day. It was crazy. And then when I weaned all those things back slowly to see what it was, it was those. It was the milk products. It was like ice cream, any of that kind of stuff. If I had it, total allergy attack. I wonder if that same thing would happen if you had raw. Yeah, good question.

I wonder. Yeah. You got to think. Give me that website. Your body gets a hold of some processed, homogenized, pasteurized milk. So it's getting this weird liquid and this dead protein. And it's probably like, what the fuck is this? What are you doing?

Hold on. It's like it's coming out of your ass. It's all this gas buildup. You feel bloated. Bloated. Your body can't process it. Yeah. But it's all this gas build up you feel bloated bloated your body can't process it it's yeah but tastes pretty fucking good nice cold glass chocolate chip cookie dunk that cookie in that milk oh not everything's good for you no but what's amazing too i was thinking like how like

how little amount of something can whack your system? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like just a little cup of espresso and you're like, so then when you, like that whacks your system. Yeah. So then you take like a big giant size of it or like a whole plate of nachos or a whole whatever substance. Like we're very sensitive. And then you're just loading the shit into your system. It's like, of course this stuff has impact yeah yeah this is like there's a lot of things that you take in your body that you think are not that big of a deal but over the course of a day if like if most people could

see the amount of sugar if you could have like a box yeah like a small box that shows you the amount of sugar the average American eats a day, you'd be like, holy fuck. Like apple juice, right? Little kids get apple juice. My daughter had one of these little apple juice containers. They're very small. It's like four ounces or something like that. It was like 20 grams of sugar. That is so crazy. It's so crazy. It's all sugar. It's just sugar. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. It's all sugar. It's just sugar. It's sugar water. My wife was, again, at her job, and she was getting these sparkling waters.

And she's like, wow, these are really good. And she was pounding them. 30 grams of sugar. 30 grams. That was the thing about Duncan. Duncan was like, dude, this almond milk's amazing. And I go, what do you got? What is it?

And so he tells me about this almond milk. And I go, hey. I go, what do you got? What is it? And so he tells me about this almond milk. And I go, hey. I go, do me a favor. I go, look down at the amount of sugar per serving. Yeah. And he's like, OK, hold on, hold on. Holy fuck. I go, yeah, that's why it tastes good.

You're drinking a milkshake, buddy. I know. It's not even milk. You're drinking an almond weird water syrup thing. It's not even milk. You're drinking an almond weird water syrup thing. So I was trying to not drink milk anymore after my allergy problem, and I kind of found the cure. And then I was opening for Robert Schimmel on the road,

and he's like, do you want to go for a Starbucks? And I was like, he was just such a great guy. And he was so kind. And I was like, no, I don't know. I'm just so bummed out that I can't have a latte because of the milk thing. He's like, no, you can, come on, you can get almond milk in that. And I was like, what? And he brought me, like in between shows, he brought me around to the Starbucks and got me an almond milk latte.

And I was like so grateful. I was like, oh, yeah, this is so great. It's delicious. And for years, literally a couple of years, I was like, so great. And I had the attachment to Schimmel. He showed me this thing, and I was all so excited. And same thing. When they started posting all the amount of sugar and stuff that was in their drinks yeah i was like a grande latte has how much sugar in it i was like i'm just this is a milkshake

yes almond milk milkshake well most of those screw you shimmel those frappuccino things yeah those things are just all sugar all sugar all sugar but that's why they're so good i know those will make you crash hard. Big time. What does this say? Visualization of sugar consumption. The average American consumes 45 grams of sugar, the amount found in one of today's 12-ounce sodas. That was in 1822.

Every five days. Yeah, I'm reading. Oh, sorry. I thought you missed the 1822 part. No, no. I'm like, in 2012, Americans consume 765 grams of sugar every five days. So they went from consuming a tiny amount, 45 grams of sugar, which is two, a little bit more than two of my daughter's little apple juice containers, which is hilarious. Every five days, they would have two of those which is basically one 12 ounce soda every five days which is nuts now every five days they consume 765 grams of sugar well

average American consume 130 pounds of sugar every year. It's so sneaky. You know, I've said this before, but when I was buying regular bread for my family, the healthiest bread I could find had all the sugar in it. You don't realize that. Like that Dave's bread? What's that? Oh, yeah, yeah. Delicious. Yeah.

But it's full of sugar. Yeah. Yeah. What is it called? It's sneaky. What is it called? Yeah, Dave's. Yeah. It looks like healthy. It looks really healthy. It's fucking good. Yeah. Yeah. What is it called? It's sneaky. What is it called? Yeah, Dave's, yeah.

It looks like healthy. It looks really healthy. It's fucking good. Yeah. I'm going to lie to myself. Keep saying it's Dave's Killer Bread. Yeah, I love Dave's Killer Bread. Yeah. If I'm looking to make a sandwich.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. I like to go peanut butter, jelly, and banana. I like those sometimes. It's such a simple little joy. Oh, it's so nice. joy oh it's so nice but there's so much sugar in that yeah afterwards i'll sit on the couch and go oh why why did i sacrifice the next few hours of my life for just a few moments of mouth pleasure because it's so great it's so great it's so great that you're talking about it all these weeks later.

You're like, oh, my God, that peanut butter and jelly sandwich was so good. And if you try to have that, like, fake stuff. Yeah, I know. Like keto desserts. Those are all dog shit. Substitute, I know. You can lie to yourself all you want. Stop lying.

But sometimes you got to dial it in. Sometimes you got to take care of yourself you know and that's okay you just have to be you just got to pick your your times of when you're gonna let yourself go off what did you do unusual during this pandemic did you do anything where you like made a shift in your your daily routine uh yeah it was the creation of a routine was kind of the thing it was like the like the creating structure where there was no structure i found that that was so important like to have that plan every day like i wasn't waking up in this weird haze of what's happening? Like I got really dialed into how I was going to go after each day. And I had the radio show that I do with Fortune. So that was two hours of my day, Monday through Thursday. And then from that, I built out. So I would, you want me to go through

it of like what a day was? Like I would wake up a little earlier so I could get the first meditation in before the day started because I do that twice a day. So I would do that for 20 minutes. Then I would do the research and whatever I had to do for the show, do the radio show. That brought me to noon. do the radio show that brought me to noon. And then I would work out immediately after that, regardless of how I felt. I would have to work out immediately.

And then the afternoon was kind of loose, was kind of structure-free, because you're dealing with the family or whatever. And then at night, when I was normally going out and doing stand-up, that's where I was working on the writing. So I'm working on the next book. And I was like, where is that going to fit? It's hard to fit it in before the day. So when I would normally go out and do spots at night from like 8 o'clock to 10, that's when I would do the writing.

from like eight o'clock to 10, that's when I would do the writing. So it gave you, so even though you're not doing the normal stuff, like stand up, it gave you like a real strict sort of schedule to look forward to every day. Totally. And the writing was like the creative kind of thing,

like where I wasn't getting the, everything that you got from performing, like the adrenaline and all that kind of like great stuff, I was sitting with my comedic thoughts and. But at least you're creating. Creating. Yeah. And I'm sorry, I would do the second meditation

was like at the end of the day, like that's usually around four. And that gives you a little more energy to go and do that writing or that spot like late at night. So you do two a day? Two 20 minute ones a day? Two 20-minute ones a day? How many minutes? 20.

20? Yeah. How long did you take off stand-up? Not that long. Like I went out kind of, I did like one a month starting in June. Oh, really? I went to Wise Guys in Salt Lake City.

I picked places where I knew the owners and knew the city seemed like it was under control. And it calculated risk. I just had to do it. Dun, dun, dun. Did you test yourself or get tested anywhere? I would get tested, yeah. I would get tested. When?

Come back? When I came back, yeah. Did you hide from everybody before you got tested? Or did you immediately just- It was loosey-goosey. My wife would sleep in the other room. They wouldn't kiss me, yeah. They hid from you when you got tested or did you immediately it was loosey-goosey my wife would sleep in the other room they wouldn't kiss me yeah they hid from you when you came back a little distancing you know a little bit because it was weird back in june it was weird it was weird we didn't know like you know these people were like leaving their

mail outside or what made you want to go out so early because a lot of people like shaming other comedians that were doing gigs even if it was the health department said it was okay it was like that's ludicrous if i'm going to a city where that city has decided that it is safe for this business to operate this way and those people in that city have agreed to go out and participate in that show and i come in and everyone's following the rules and doing the thing that makes everything else is emotional. Well, that is what it is. Yeah.

It's emotional, but that, the, those emotions were very prevalent with the, the Twitter sphere of standup comedians. I didn't, I don't participate in it. I don't participate in it either. I just find it fascinating. The thing that I got out of it is most of the people that didn't want people performing weren't doing so good anyway. They were the people that weren't doing good on the road to begin with.

Oh, that's interesting. And then other people started going out again. Yeah. They almost like want everybody's life to suck. Yeah. I talked to one guy who actually admitted it. Really? Yeah.

Really? His basic take was he didn't he was never comfortable and one of the things about the lockdown was it made everyone uncomfortable it made everyone's life kind of fucked up and then once everything started going back he resisted oh interesting yeah i think there's a that's what a lot of you know the angst yeah online yeah I didn't I honestly didn't catch any of that like I didn't see that kind of shaming I I remember I ran into it I did I put on some shows in LA I had this warehouse space that was really open we could open up the doors where'd you do this and in the valley oh yeah yeah

when'd you do that I did that in like June July July. No shit. Yeah, I did two of them. And I just opened up the doors. I had Fitzsimmons there and the Sklar brothers and Erica Rhodes was on it. And she came up to me with her little mask on and stuff. And she said, you got to kind of be like kind of secretive when you do shows. People like attack you. I was like, oh, really? I hadn't.

Because when I went out, first one was Salt Lake City and Wise Guys it was just pure joy I was so happy just to be doing it the staff was like thank you so much for coming we were like there were legit people not able to make their rent yeah getting kicked out of places, not having work. Yeah. Total. Yeah. They were so grateful that we were doing anything.

And it was cobbled together in limited capacity. And the same thing in Portland. I went up to Helium and did that one. And I brought my daughter with me in July. And it was just so euphoric. It wasn't any noise about any negative whatever i i didn't see it and i just i just loved it and i did it june then i ran my own show like in july then i did portland then i did comedy works why'd you stop doing the the same the your own show uh it just got time and

just got kind of tricky. I just didn't, it was just trying to put it all together. I had to pay for people to be able to do it. Like I paid all the comedians and I gave them

all the microphones. My friend Greg Grunberg, it's his space, he's an actor and we gave them like microphones from Blue Microphone and you know, it cost us probably $500 to put up the show.

You mean everybody got their own microphone? Yeah, we gave everyone a microphone. So you don't have to swap microphones. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I figured it was a cool thing to do for the, and it would, and I figured like, this is what, comedians were so great and they just wanted to work, they wanted to do it

and it was like like if everyone got their microphone i knew they were going to go use it somewhere else yeah when they did whatever shows that they were cobbling together whitney cummings did it in her backyard i did it with her it was so funny people got mad at her for that meanwhile she tested everybody there yeah tested everybody there did it outside in the backyard, and people were still like, you're super spreading. Super spreading. And you look back at those stories from Whitney's thing, from going to Wise Guys, from going to Hilarities, doing all these shows. What's the story?

The story was people came out, they were calculated, they made their own decisions, and they had a great time and they didn't get sick. Yep. That's the truth. Well, I'm not sure nobody got sick. You got all those people together in a room. It's possible somebody got mad and got sick. But here's the thing. At that point, you should be able to do whatever you want to do.

This thing has basically just run through the population. I'm not saying you should do things that are reckless no not at all this was not if you want to take a chance if you want to take a chance and go out do whatever you want to do yeah that's essentially how they do it here in texas and texas like it was in what was it like march when the governor said that's it we're done no more no more masks right no more mass mandate yeah everything's open 100 capacity do whatever the fuck you want to do and biden was like that's the end of all thinking and meanwhile it's worked out great there's been no issues yeah i mean it's going to be

interesting to see what the stories are when we look back at this like you know yeah with some perspective like what was florida were they worse off than california they definitely weren't they're better off are they better off their economy's better off and they have less cases right and they have older people older population but you know what they're also outside like you know what this i was watching this video from this doctor and he was saying this idea of flu season Like, you know what this, I was watching this video from this doctor, and he was saying this idea of flu season. Yeah. He said, you know what the flu season coincides with? People being locked down indoors.

Mm-hmm. He's like, flu season coincides with low vitamin D. Right, and almost no sunshine. Well, you're not going out. Yeah. Like, where's flu hit you the worst? Northeast, right? Yeah.

Why has it hit you the worst? Because that's when it's cold out. Yeah. And everybody's indoors, and if you're not supplementing with vitamin D, his take was you're not getting enough from being outside. You're just not. Right. What do you have exposed? Your face?

Yeah. You only have your face exposed? Yeah. No, it makes sense. I mean, look, I really do believe that people were doing their best and just trying to do whatever they thought. And their communities, they were just trying to make the best decisions to keep people safe and keep their businesses going and doing where some of them you're going to look back and say well maybe some people went too far maybe people didn't

do enough i don't know but bro canada's the craziest yeah what a crazy story i know still locked down they were doing so well early on. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Makes no sense. I know. I have a friend that's filming in Vancouver and he's double vaxxed for over a month. Double vaxxed. What does that mean? He got both shots.

Oh. Vaxxed. And he's for over a month, but he flew from New York to Vancouver and he's in a hotel room for 14 days before he can go on set. Yeah. And when, I mean, in his hotel room, they just came and gave him good news. You can leave your hotel room for 20 minutes a day.

20 minutes a day. He's just sitting in this airport hotel in this tiny little room. So stupid. It's crazy. It's so stupid it's crazy it's so poor guy i know well it's just they're treating it like it's march of last year yeah you know they're not treating it based on the the current data right right it's sketchy tom it is sketchy but going out and performing was just so was great. And the people were awesome. And now it's like, holy cow, we just put in all of the dates of like going forward.

Like it's going to, I'm going to do like some small stuff like in the next couple of months. And then I hit Vegas in July. And from that point on, all the shows that were rescheduled from before, I'm sure you have this, they were all rescheduled. Plus some new dates. It's like from july to like march it's just all on full capacity go time i'm not gonna be home ever yeah i did a full capacity show in houston for the first time that was like a couple weeks ago i was a little rusty yeah interesting it's like you feel it you feel tight you feel a little just a little yeah and then uh i'm doing arenas soon with chapelle we're doing the mgm in vegas wow on the 8th and 9th of july yeah yeah wow that's gonna be great yeah that's gonna be good how many shows shows? We're doing two. Two shows?

One on the 8th, one on the 9th. Because there's always that thing when you go, you did clubs, like you would get there Thursday and that would always be like, you're dust off a little bit. Even for though you were performing before then, right? It was like getting your feet back and like, where's this hour go, you know? And so like to not do it for like months at a time and then come back of course

so it's got to be like a weird feeling when you get the the return to the big set you're in an arena full of people looking at you well the good news is there's a lot of clubs here that have been open for a long time that's good so we've been able to work here forever yeah like this is how often you going out all the time yeah yeah three nights this week oh that's good i went up last night i was up the night before the night before that nice where are you going out? All the time. Yeah? Yeah, three nights this week. Oh, that's good. I went up last night. I was up the night before, the night before that. Nice. Where are you playing?

Different places. I've been doing Vulcan, Vulcan Gas Company. I've been doing that. I've been doing the Creek of the Cave. Oh, yeah. That's a great little place. Yeah, everyone loves that. Great little place.

It's so tight. Yeah. So it's so like everything I like about like, I mean, no disrespect, but it's so tight yeah so it's so like everything i like about like i mean no disrespect but it's dingy i like but i like it i like a little vr yeah it's kind of like kind of glued together yeah i like it it's great and they pack people in there and it's real enthusiastic crowds yeah and you know rebecca do you know rebecca who Creek in the Cave? I don't think so. She's great. Yeah.

She's like one of them matriarchal comedy mom figures. Oh, nice. Picks everything together. Did she, was that related to the Brooklyn one? It was her.

So she started that one? And moved out here. And then moved out here. Yeah. Got it. Oh, that's great. Yeah. The scene out here is strong, man.

There's a lot of comics out here. A lot of open micers, too. So they have a lot of open mics they go to. Nice. And it's a real of comics out here yeah a lot of uh open micers too so they have a lot of open mics they go to nice a real good community that's awesome it's so good i was so i mean i was so proud to be a comedian during all of this just watching everybody doing whatever they could figuring it out right just they just wanted to work they just wanted to work. They just wanted to relate. They were courageous. They were smart. They were just trying to do shows.

It just was like, this is what makes comedy so great. On rooftops and zooming the things and doing whatever they could to create content. They could have held back on the Zoom one. Yeah, but you know. I know, but you know what? I did one for a charity in uh in montreal last week i've only done like three was it good it was good it wasn't good for me you know what i mean like charities i couldn't it was a charity for for a hospital and uh

you know it was a it wasn't a good one because it looked good, I guess, but I couldn't hear anything. So I'm literally doing my own rhythm, taking my pauses of where I know the laughs are. It wasn't like I felt satisfied. But they did a meet and greet after, like a Zoom meet and greet. And they had all these people in there. They were so grateful. They were so happy. They hadn't laughed that hard blah blah blah like for them it was great yeah so like look it's not awesome for us by any means but if you're able to make these people have a good time in

montreal during their lockdown whatever that is, you know, why not? Why not? They had a massive protest up there recently. Did they? Yeah. Their fucking streets were filled with people. I think it was Montreal. Might've been Toronto.

What was going on? They're sick of it. They're sick of being locked in. They're like, it doesn't make any sense. Man, it's so unnatural. It really is such a thing, right? Well, I think it's in Ottawa where you have to have like, I think it's Ottawa where you have to have papers to show that there's a need for you to be outside the house. Oh, my God.

It's that bad? Yeah. Like you have to show some reason why you're driving somewhere. God, so weird. We can't slip back. We just got to go forward. But this is the thing with the United States versus Canada. They don't have the same laws we have.

They don't have the same rights that we have. They don't have the First Amendment. Oh, really? Yeah, they don't have freedom of speech. It's not like an amendment the way we have. Right, right. They have human rights councils. That's why people get sued for jokes

up there that's like mike ward got sued for uh doing a joke up there remember that yeah yeah someone in the audience sued him and won right that's a i think that's a different one um mike ward got sued because he made a joke about a kid that was sick and then the kid was still alive like a couple years later and he made a joke about it and you know just typical dark right right yeah but the one who got sued because of an audience member was somebody in Vancouver there was some people that were heckling and he went after the hecklers I guess it was a lesbian couple and you know he said some nasty shit to them he got sued and lost right yeah jeez that's scary they don't they don't have the same rules that we have yeah it's just a different

place you have to you know you have to recognize that like it seems like it's america but it's not i mean that's why they're still locked down like this where it doesn't make any sense you saw the thing where they were they sent 200 cops to shut down a church? No. You never saw that? No. Bro. It's the nuttiest shit you've ever seen.

Jeez. They got cops in SWAT gear to shut down a church. Oh, my God. 200 of them. Wow. Like, what are you doing, Canada? Yeah, get it together. What's going on?

What are you doing? It really just threw, yeah, it's not natural. It's just like you can't put your boot on people's neck like that for too long. It's just not natural. You just watch with your kids, not being able to go out and do stuff. I just want to go back to Joe Beef in Montreal. Yeah, they still shut down, I believe believe maybe they're open up a little bit man that place that place is sensational so good yeah shout out to fred and david yeah holy cow place is amazing i love that

joint those guys are artists you know yeah like legitimate genuine artists a hundred percent i don't understand how you can be an artist like that and keep the consistency. Like for all those people that are showing up every night. Yeah. There's like Chris Bianco in Arizona is a pizza artisan. And it's just everyone is like he's worked on it for a month. You know what I mean? Like if I can make that bread and make it really well and put my heart and soul, it's great.

That's like one loaf of bread. Right. Now you have to make a thousand of those and have that same thing. But I really do think that it comes because those people care so much that I know it sounds corny, but like the love comes into that process. It's not corny. That's really what it is. Yeah. Like you can tell when you walk into a place that,

oh, there's an owner involved here who really cares. Yeah. Joe Beef's a perfect example of that because like those guys, I was introduced to those guys through Bourdain and he was adamant that I had to meet them. Yeah. You know, he was like, you got to meet these guys really this place is incredible he's like they just they just do it the right way and then you go there and you go oh okay

i get it it's not a big place yeah you know it's like the perfect size oh you ever sit out like where it's like kind of open in the back like by that grill oh that's a great seat the staff staff there is incredible everybody's like they they recognize that they're working in a special place. Yeah, so good. I love it so much. It really, just those, like you remember those meals like forever. Yeah. Like you really, like it's, some of those places stick.

You're eating every day, but then you go to a place like that, and you're just like, man, oh, man. So if you go up there right now, you have to go to a hotel for 14 days before you can go wandering around. Yeah. 14 days. Holy shit. And, like, serious shit. Like, you can't mess around with it.

So dumb. Yeah, I know. 14 days. I wonder what they're going to do when America fully opens up, when America, like in the summer, when everything's just 100% opened up. That's what I keep wondering. Like June 15th in California, it's supposed to be. That's it.

That's it. Yeah. So what does that mean? So I just. But how is that, June 15th? How about right now, bitch? Well, that's what the car, that's what I was saying, like the car wash. It was like, what are we doing?

Yeah. You know? Well, people who have been vaccinated still get COVID. Right. Yeah. But they don't get as sick. Some of them have died. Yeah, that's like two.

No, it's more than two. Three? I don't know. We could find out how many. But the idea is that what's odd is that they're calling those breakthrough cases. And they're only counting the ones that are hospitalized or dead. And they're calling the people that died, most of them dying with COVID, not from COVID, because they have some sort of comorbidity.

But the problem is that's not the way they counted the covid deaths before vaccination before vaccination they counted you dying from covid even if you had comorbidities and now the i think the average amount of comorbidities is like four four comorbidities of people died with covid right but the number of people that died just from COVID was only 6%. So 94% died from something else and COVID. Right. But they called it COVID. Now they're calling it a different thing. So now if you're dying and you've been vaccinated, you've died with COVID, but it wasn't the COVID that got you. It was cancer, diabetes, whatever it is. But it's an interesting way, it's an interesting distinction

of how they're deciding to uh yeah yeah what's so puzzling and i think it was so like unsettling about it was how almost like everybody got their own version of it yeah you know what i mean like i had a friend that got it in new york and once a month she can't get out of bed for two days still i have another friend in california who got it pretty mild lost sense of taste and smell still doesn't have it back how long ago a year over a year everything tastes like tin and coffee. Our beautiful, sweet, sweet elixir is like rubber, like burnt rubber. There's something about the process of, I had someone on my podcast talking about it. She's a food expert.

There's a thing when coffee gets heated up, when the bean gets heated up and it has that aroma that pops from it. That's a process. And it's the same thing with meat. I have some and uh oh is that coffee right there could you imagine if you got up in this sweet coffee tasted like rubber smelled like like was repulsive to you cheers cheers joe good to see you i'm very happy to see you in all honesty there's something strange about you not being out there not for me because i mean we would run into each other you know not every day but there's just something about knowing that your friends nearby i i do feel that like i ran into eric griffin last night eric griffin came by the creek in the

oh yeah it was like it was a big old love fest yeah i know it's like uh yeah it's i mean we move around so much that it shouldn't be a big deal. It's a big deal. I just miss having you around. It's a big deal. I miss it, but I just don't miss living in California. Yeah. I don't miss the amount of people.

I don't miss the traffic. I don't miss the tension. I don't miss the anxiety. Yeah. I don't miss the way the states run. I don't miss the attitudes. There's a different vibe out here. People are just much friendlier.

There definitely is. I mean, look, those changes are real. I have a friend that moved from an ex-brother-in-law who I ran into. I was doing shows in North Carolina last week, and he moved down there from New Jersey. And New Jersey has a very L.A LA feel to it it's packed with people there's a lot of angry drivers there's a lot of tension there's all that all those things you're mentioning yeah and he looked great he was like man I have been so stress-free since moving to Raleigh North Carolina yeah he goes I can't tell you it's just it's just the stress is gone it's a real

thing it's a real thing and you know you you've done a very you've done a thing where you made us all think about it when we're there like it definitely is on my mind because we talk a lot about you know and I'm I think you've made a great move and you've you're you you definitely have given us an alternative to like put all that stuff against you know yeah it's uh but there's still great things i still love california there's still a lot of great you know i love being by the ocean i love you're a glass half full kind of guy i am i could be that way in in omaha especially when my family's around. The greatest thing about California is the comedy store.

That's the greatest thing for me. Yeah. I mean, my friends for sure, but my friends and most of my best friends were in comedy. Yeah, all of them. So we would all go to the comedy store. Joey Diaz moved to New Jersey. I know. Ari moved to New York a long time ago tony's out

here with me right tim dillon's out here you know tim's here now yeah tim's here tom segura's out here now wow yeah yeah it is it is i don't know if it's just in our heads but it feels i mean it's also the store is a little different anyway because it's still like limited capacity and stuff but uh yeah i don't know i think they're i think having you guys not be there is you can feel it a little bit yeah you can feel it i mean i love everybody that's there and there's like there's some people i didn't really know who i'm seeing more often that are is exciting like it's all good it's all great and you know you guys will pop in all the time i'm sure but it's uh yeah just the day-to-day

it'd be like going to the comedy cellar and having all of a sudden colin and norton are not there anymore it's like oh it's it feels like a different place it's it's yeah i used to so look forward to going to that back bar and just hanging yeah just open up the door who's there tom papa what's up everybody was it was just a great vibe yeah of being there yeah but one of the things that this move taught me was that it's like wherever you are is where you are it's your home that's your wherever you are is where you are. It's your home. That's your, wherever you are is where, you know, whatever you decide your base is. Yeah. That's, you know, you set up your life and that's how you live.

Mm-hmm. And if you can live in a place with less extraneous factors that are fucking with you. Yeah. In terms of like traffic and noise and pollution. The air here is so much clearer. I know. It's so much cleaner. You don't deal with the kind of pollution that you dealt with in LA.

And it's an illusion in LA. You see sun and palm trees and you think, this is so great. When we have friends over, we have like a little back patio. Excuse me. And we have to wipe it down every day. And I'm telling you, when we wipe it down, like it is a black residue on our rag. Break dust and pollution. Dust that's in the air that you don't, you're breathing that shit in every day.

Every day. And it lowers your life expectancy by about 10 years. 10? Yeah. Come on. People that live in crowded, congested cities like Los Angeles have a life expectancy that's about ten years less. Really?

Same for New York? Young Jamie. That's a lot of years. You don't trust me? Compared to your mother's pussy. I trust you, but I don't want to believe you. Ten's a lot. I'm pretty sure that's what I read

So people in New York City are dying 10 years Yes Sooner than the people So if they would have made it to 80 they only make it to 70 Are we going to start Are we going to be around long enough I was talking to Duncan about this yesterday Uh oh

Hey man Man I'm telling you what this Vaccine has showed us is that there's a new way to go in and mess with our dna and we're going to be able to we're so close man to the singularity we're going to be we're going to live to 150 for sure is that what he's saying uh-huh have you seen all the wackadoos that think that the government is putting chips in your arm because magnets will stick to the vaccine sites? What? Wait, say that again.

people putting a magnet on the site where they got vaccinated to get the magnet to stick thinking that there's a microchip inside of the vaccine oh it's so brilliant it's so crazy but there's so many videos man it's so funny is everybody trolling like what is going on yeah the whole right exactly what did i ask you to look up? I found contradictory information. Okay, children born in Los Angeles County today can expect to live more than 82 years, which is longer than the average American. Yeah, but that's not what the question was. Keep going. The question is, there was a study that showed that people that live in high population,

polluted cities- But that's what LA is. Have a life expectancy of 10 years less. Yeah, but nonspecifically. The problem with LA that may balance it out is Los Angeles people are particularly athletic or rather exercise oriented. Health conscious, eating their oat milks. That shit ain't good for you.

Three years, this says. Breathing polluted air shortens people's lives by an average of three years, a new study finds. Yeah, that makes more sense. Ten's a big thing. Okay, yeah, I fucked it up. But that doesn't mean three. How can you tell three? Just think about how many people go down quick because of stress.

And how do you measure those things when the pollution levels have changed so much within those people's lifetimes? What I'm saying is stress. Like if you live in a city that's a high population city look for us we live probably a much nicer version of la than a lot of people oh yeah we don't have to get up in the morning and cut through the traffic every day holy cow going down that four or five every single day to go do your thing i used to take my convertible to the store and sometimes i get caught in traffic in the corvette and i would be dizzy by the time i got to the store because i'd be just breathing fumes i would i would my like my sinuses would be all messed up think about what you're doing if you're in a convertible you're sitting on the 405 you sit on the 405 and everybody's just burning gas i know and it's worse

than a motorcycle because you can zoom through everybody on the bike. But in a car, you're just stuck there. You're just sitting there sniffing people's burnt gas. The convertible is a dumb idea in LA. I had one too. And it's also so goddamn hot that the amount of days you can put the roof down, you're just sitting there baking on the 405. You know what I used to love it? I used to love it driving to the store in the winter at night because it would be cold. Nice.

And it would be like, by the time I get there, I was alive. Yeah. Yeah. I like that car because it doesn't have any entertainment. The only entertainment is the car itself. Yeah. There's no radio in it. It just.

What year? 65. 65. Do they have belts? Do they have. Sort of. Yeah. Let's stop fucking around

you get in an accident and that fucking piece of plastic it's literally made out of plastic right yeah it's a fiberglass car that fiberglass yeah

I have a Volkswagen a 67 Volkswagen and it just has a lap belt ooh yeah that's what my Corvette has yeah it's a joke should you put in

I always think like I should just put in a seatbelt. Like why can't I put in a seatbelt? Three point harness? Yeah. But then Leno, I did Leno's show. Eh,

anyway you bet. When your time's up, your time's up. He said, oh you gotta, you gotta get the Volkswagen. That's great. He said this to me in the break.

Like, in the break of his show. He goes, you got a Volkswagen? And I was like, excited to talk car with him. Like this was the, one of the first times I was on.

And I was like, oh yeah, I got a 67 Volkswagen. Thinking in my head, he's going to think I'm cool. He's like, yeah, those things are death traps. You know, the whole gas tank is right in your lap. You get hit in that thing, goodbye. All right, welcome back. We got Tom Poppy. He's talking about his new show.

I don't think he would be into Volkswagens anyway. He's into big, loud things. He's got everything. He's got everything. Everything. That place is amazing. Oh, my God. It's incredible.

Isn't it amazing, too? This really speaks to doing something that you're really passionate about. Because although he was obviously a very good host of The Tonight Show, The Tonight Show is not representative of the real Jay Leno. The real Jay Leno you meet when you do his car show right like right i did messing around the garage i did jay leno's garage with my uh corvette oh nice you know he and i were talking and the passion that he has for these cars is like so contagious and he's talking about suspensions yeah the fucking steering

giant. Look at that thing. Oh God. What is that? He's had a good smile on his face. Oh, is that the, um,

it's like a jet. Begin with a B, right? It's amazing. Whatever it is. Look at that thing. Look at the smile though. That's like,

that is a, as real a smile as a human being has ever smiled. It really is. He is so happy. He fucking loves cars, man. He does. When he's doing that show. Bugatti?

Is it? No. It could be. Is it? Maybe like an old school. Tank car. Tank car. Tank car.

Turboed up for 1,600 horsepower. Oh my God. Reggie Watts sent me this fucking cargie Watts dude you want to see something wild yeah a drag race between this car and a this a new electric car and there's a drag race between that new electric car and a Ferrari oh yeah yeah let me tell you. I'll just send this to you, Jeremy. This is the actual YouTube video itself.

The Rimac Navara? Yeah. Got it. Yeah, I'm going to send you the- I got it. Oh, you got the drag race ready? Yeah. Okay, yeah, this is it. So it's CarWow.

That's the show. CarWow. And in this, these crazy assholes take this this new insane I don't know who makes that is it a small boutique company but it goes up against the newest dopest Ferrari and when I mean it buries

this fucking thing like watch this it's going to be right around there they're going to do the 3-2-1 go so watch this watch how fast this thing buries the ferrari like goodbye wow that's the fastest ferrari and it literally gets left in the dust looks like a like a prius and it leaves it in the dust wow dust and it And it looks like a Ferrari, too. I mean, it looks like a McLaren or some, you know, similar.

Holy cow. Similar supercar. That's electric? That's all electric? Yeah, it says new drag race world record. But that drag race world record from June 1st, 2021, I don't think that's the world record anymore. I think the Tesla Model S Plaid just beat that. Oh, really?

Yeah, because the Tesla Model S Plaid just got the fastest ever quarter mile time. Really? A fucking family sedan. What's the Plaid? I don't know the Plaid. The Plaid is the newest version of it that has five engines. And it's, is that what it is? Five engines or three engines? What does it have? Jeez. Something, three? I want to say three. Yeah, maybe three. engines and it's is that what it is five engines or three engines what does it have something three

yeah maybe three maybe mine has two and this one has three right but it has uh zero to 60 ready 1.9 seconds 1.9 1.9 seconds 060 for a family car like It's like a sedan. Yeah, that's IMDS. Yeah, it's fucking incredible. Super comfortable, four-door, rocket sled, spaceship. Holy cow. The term plaid is a playoff of Spaceballs. It's from the movie Spaceballs. He loves Spaceballs. Loves Spaceballs.

He really loves Spaceballs. That guy's the best. He really is. How many fucking people are like him? Dude. He made his rocket. He shaped his rocket closer to the rocket on Spaceballs. He literally made it less aerodynamic because he wanted it to look like the rocket from Spaceballs.

You got to have fun. You got to enjoy yourself. Do you know how much that car costs? Let me guess. Guess. $900,000. No. More.

What? Way more. Way more. Way more. Okay. $2 million. Way more. What? Way more. Way more. Okay. $2 million. Way more. What?

Come on. How much did that car cost? $2.45 million. Because they made only two of them? Wow. That seems a bit excessive. Yeah. I was thinking about it at 1.5.

That seems a little excessive. Maybe this was for the prototype. It doesn't say, though. It just says that's how much this could. That seems a little excessive. Maybe this was for the prototype. It doesn't say, though. It just says that's how much this could. It says 2.45 Rimac Navara electric hypercar, but it ran a quarter mile in 8.6 seconds, so that's why it doesn't make sense.

Well, it's probably handmade. Handmade. It's probably one of those. Four motors, 1,900 horsepower. 1,900 horsepower. Jeez Louise. What in the fuck? That's so great. It's it's so weird man it used to be back in the day that if you had 400 horsepower it was a lot i have uh the spacex app on my phone do you have that no you should you got to download it it gives you an alert

every time they're launching every time they're launching? Every time they're launching. And you can watch? And you can watch. And it is the coolest thing because this is exactly what you wanted space travel to be. They literally show you like, okay, and they don't waste time. It's just so efficient. They'll like, they'll key you in like with 10 minutes to go. And there's a smart duo who's look attractive and they're giving and they're just giving you all the information and they've got the whole live feed of the thing getting ready to launch and they're just so smart they're just telling you all this great information

and it just all looks like the future it doesn't look like the old nasa like it's it seems like current yeah and then you get to watch this liftoff. Or like when the guys were coming back from the space station. I got home after being out with some friends. I'm a little drunk. I'm in my bed. Bling! SpaceX.

And you show these guys coming back and landing and watch the whole thing of how they get the spacecraft onto the boat and the, right there in the palm of your hand. It's like, this guy's the coolest. It's pretty dope. It's so great. Is it available for Android too or just for iPhones? I'm sure it's available for everybody, right? No, nothing's on it.

No? Nothing's on it. Really? I don't know. Is Elon not like Android? I don't know. I bet it's for everybody. He's the people space company.

Would you go? Fuck yeah. You want to go? Go blast off? Oh, no, no. I'll go watch. No, no, no. I thought you meant go watch.

Would you do one of the space tourism things? Go up. I'm going to wave. Loop around the planet a couple times. No, legitimately, if it did get safe to the point where they do on a regular basis like planes plane travel Yeah, I would go I think just for the perspective Yeah Cuz I remember going to Hawaii and going to the Keck Observatory and seeing the Milky Way and seeing how clear the stars were

Oh, yeah that adjusted my perspective really? Yeah, because it was so radical so bright The stars were so incredibly vivid. The Milky Way is so clear. I remember thinking, like, oh, my God, like, this is up here all the time, and we never see it. This is amazing. Like, light pollution fucks us so bad. I know. So bad. This amazing vision of the heavens is available, and it's so awe-inspiring.

You see it, you're like. Wow. Can anyone do that? Yes. Anybody. You can just travel up there. Really. Can anyone do that? Yes. Anybody. You can just travel up there. Really? Yeah.

You go to the observatory. You don't even have to go to the top where the observatory is. You go to the visitor center. And they have satellites or, excuse me, telescopes set up out there. But you don't even have to use the telescopes. I'm telling you, man. It's just so dark. You just look up.

Yeah. That's what it looks like. And no bullshit. God. That is literally what it looks like. But you want to do it. We never see that. We never see that.

But you want to do it. You want to make sure it's with, what is it? A new moon is what they call it when it's dark? Uh-huh. Yeah. You want to go up there when the moon is not out. Which island is that? That's the big island.

Uh-huh. I went up there and I fucked up and I went up there. The first time I went up there, I went up there with my family a long time ago. Yeah. We went up there the first time I went up there I went up there with my family a long time ago yeah we went up there and it's amazing and then we went up there a second time years later and unfortunately we caught it while the moon was out I didn't think I was like oh this right blows right yeah this is exactly what it was like this oh wow this each shit yeah I can't believe I

travel up here to look at the fucking moon. I see the moon all the time. The only thing I see is the moon. Exactly. It just dulls out the rest. But when the moon is not out, it's spectacular because you drive through the clouds. When we were driving, we hit cloud cover and I was like, oh, fuck, there's clouds. We're not going to be able to see anything. But you keep driving and all of a sudden, poop, you pop through the clouds. And you're like, oh, my God, this is above the clouds. And then you keep going and then you a sudden, poop, you pop through the clouds. And you're like, oh my god, this is above the clouds.

And then you keep going, and then you make it to the observatory. It's wild, man. It is amazing how much light, what do they call it, light pollution? Light pollution, yeah. How brutal it is. Like any time you see, oh there's gonna be a new thing,

or this comet's coming through, and you're like, I can't see it here. There's no way. Yeah, it's not good for us. I think it fucks with people's perceptions of what life really is, too. So would you go? Would you go up there

and a couple loops around? Why? Are we going together? Are you trying to talk me into something, Tom Papa? I'm thinking about it. Do you want to go? Do you have loyalty to Elon Musk? I'd probably throw up. What if Jeff Bezos offered trips for it. Do you want to go? Do you have a loyalty to Elon Musk? I'd probably throw up. What if Jeff Bezos offered trips for us? Would you go with him?

Sure. Would you? Yeah, why not? He has our best interest at heart, doesn't he? Would you go with... Some company bought 15 of those... We were just talking about the supersonic jets to go three hours across Newark.

Three hours where? Newark to London.huh oh like the concord kind of thing the new supersonic jets can do four hours to any spot on the planet four hours four hours four hours to anywhere you want to go whoa you want to go to mongolia four hours you want to go to russia four hours does it look like the concord uh they look pretty dope. Yeah. They don't have the pointy downward nose thing. That was cool. It was pretty cool.

Yeah. But they look pretty dope. And they're starting to develop them. Wow. Starting to, I think different airlines are going to start offering them up. So what if it just went higher instead of to somewhere and just came back and you got to see space? Right. Yeah.

You get to leave the earth for a bit. It's kind of cool. I mean, kind of cool. Yeah, real cool. Real cool. When does space start? Like technically. Technically, we're in it.

Oh, right. That's deep. Genuine deep. I don't know. There's just a lot of air. There's clouds in the way. You got to break through the atmosphere. Yeah.

I think it's like, I want to say it's like 90,000 feet. Yeah, it's not that high, right? Because when I look at my SpaceX app, it seems like they do it pretty quick. I think you want to go into the upper atmosphere that's that's where technically okay so it says u.s military nasa to find space differently according to them space starts 12 miles below the carmen line at 50 miles above earth's surface that's pretty fucking far that's pretty fucking far so a mile is 5 000 feet yeah yeah that's a lot yeah but you're there pretty quick

because you got a rocket. Look at you, you're selling. He's like a COVID salesman. He's a rocket salesman. What do you got? He's not worried about Lyme disease. It makes me comfortable that they did it and released it. I feel good about it.

Dude, we should- 60 miles? Somewhere between 50 and 60 miles, yeah. What else did they do on Plum Island? Massapicture. Dun, dun, dun. I don't know if that's the line here. So what is that, 35,000 feet?

No, 350. 350,000 feet, duh. 350,000 feet. 350,000 feet, and the really high planes go to what? 40,000 feet? Like 40. 40 or 50, yeah. Yeah, 40 is high.

One of those UAP things I saw that said they went over above 200,000 feet and they couldn't track it anymore. And I was like, how high is that? God. My ears would definitely pop on that flight. So what is that right there we're looking at? It says...

How high is that? It doesn't say here. It just looks pretty. It comes up when I Google it. So that is like probably the edge of space. So that's like where some of those trips will take you. So you're really high up and you get this amazing view of Earth from above. But you don't have to do reentry.

I was thinking of this because that guy just broke the record of falling without a parachute. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bro, imagine. It was just like super gnarly. Imagine. Why? What'd he do? He fell into a parachute. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bro, imagine. Super gnarly. Imagine. Why? What'd he do?

He fell into a net. He literally fell from the edge of space into a net with no parachute. Into a net? A net. How did he navigate that? Well, he's got Lyme disease and COVID, so he's got superpowers. Nothing's getting me. And he only eats bread. Nothing's getting me. And he only eats bread.

Nothing's getting me. We can do it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. He's a fucking crazy person. They said he had oxygen for the beginning because you can't breathe up there. And then at a certain point, there's just like a beep in his helmet that tells him, hey, you're halfway there.

And then another beep, get ready because ground's coming up. Come on. See see these four together the problem is if these people collide and sometimes they do it just rips their limbs apart yeah that wouldn't be it's like you're going you know who knows how fucking fast like people have done that before while skydiving

collided into each other so he just keeps falling everyone else is hitting their parachutes now. Their parachutes are now. He's still got 5,000 feet, I think, on his own. And he has to. How does he know? What's he going to hit?

He's going to aim down to get to that spot. Oh, my God. How they had a live camera feed off of his helmet, which is, that's pretty gnarly technology, too. So when he gets towards the bottom, he has to turn upside down so that he falls into it. Watch this move. Whoa.

It's a pretty slick move. See it? Look at that. Whoa. And he only caught it on the edge, dude. He caught it on the edge. He did. Like he almost missed it.

That's insanity. Oh, my God. How do you get past that head rush? That's like those dudes that jerk off with a noose around their neck. Yeah. Like, hey. Calm down. You're just reaching too high buddy right exactly this is you don't need this in your life i think you need it you don't need this you need love you need a hug you just start a family right exactly you need someone

else to think about yeah i bet he doesn't have kids no way yeah it doesn't seem like something you would do no no way jump into a fucking net with no parachute and almost miss. That's why I have kids is just to say no to all crazy shit. My friends are like, we want to go do this. Nah, I'm a father. It seems like that net could have been a little bigger. Way bigger. Wikipedia says he has one shit, one kid.

Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, that seems like if there's a little wind. What did you say? I was about to say something terrible. The same guy helped David Blaine with his stunt. I stopped myself. That Ascension stunt.

Oh, with the balloons? Yeah, but. That was nuts, too. God, that's so crazy. Fuck all that. I don't need to jump from a plane. No. I don't need to jump from a plane.

A train or a bus. Or a bus. Now we're a Dr. Seuss now. I don't, yeah. I don't. I do not want green eggs in ham. But the space thing, it does intrigue me. I do get kind of nauseous with travel sometimes.

Even like in the car to the airport yesterday looking down at my phone. I was like, oh boy. Yeah, but that's just because you're looking at something while you're getting driven. So just, I can go to space, just don't look at my phone when we're taking off. Yeah, if you look at your phone, I almost threw up in the back of a car once because I was reading. Uh-huh. I started, I'm like, oh my God, imagine, you know, I'm going to get picked up in a town

car and I hurl in the backseat because I'm trying to read. I know. It's so unfortunate. But sometimes you can. Sometimes I look at my phone, no problem. For a little bit. Yeah. The problem is when things get bumpy, your brain gets disoriented and it's like, oh my

God, this guy's sick. He's not seeing things right. Let's get rid of all the food because something he ate must have been poison. That's what it is. Oh, really? Yeah. That's what it is. Your body is confused as to why

you're looking at things but everything's bouncing around but yet you're not going anywhere you're sitting still like oh this guy's poisoned right okay let's get rid of all the food oh it's such an awful feeling so your body's like let's go everybody out of the pool so when we were in our spaceship not looking at something right we we probably won't throw up. One day, space travel is going to be something real, where you're going to be able to take a trip, just like you'd fly to New York. You could fly up in space, and it'll be cool. Yeah.

Then, Tom Papa, you and I will do space shows. Oh, that would be the coolest. Imagine if you do a show on an actual spaceship. Imagine if they have a stage set up. Right? Yeah, exactly. The fucking comedy store is a comedy store spaceship. And then you get to live stream it back to Earth.

Yeah, like you rent it out. Like you rent out an event space. You rent out a spaceship. How many people are on a flight normally? 300? 200? Plenty of people for a show. like, how many people are on a flight normally? 300? 200? Plenty of people for a show. Oh, for sure.

Low ceilings. Yeah. Low ceilings. All we need is good acoustics. Good sound system. Those people in the Southwest are telling jokes every day. All the time. They have songs.

Do you see how they're going to not serve alcohol on Southwest American? Oh, because they've been having brawls lately. Because people are losing their shit. What's going on, Tom Papa? Why is everybody losing their shit? Joe, I thought maybe we're going to come out of this isolation a little better and a little kinder and a little more grateful. But I think the majority have just been snapped.

Well, I think a lot of people lost so much, it's hard for them to feel normal. So many people lost most of their savings, most of their job. Yeah. I mean, how many people lost their jobs? It's some crazy number of people that are unemployed, right? Right. And imagine if you're in the restaurant business.

You work for 30 years to put together a restaurant. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's gone. You just have no job. I don't know how Fred and David are doing up at joe beef but you know i know um i always say that uh my favorite restaurant is uh in venice oh yeah yeah have you ever been to felix no it is sensational really it is as good as a restaurant is wow it's so good in venice yes is janet zuccherini and uh evan funky janet owns it

and evan funky is the head chef i've had them both on the podcast before oh yeah dude the food there is so good what would you have it's i've had everything i've eaten there a ton of times but it's perfect yeah it is the perfect restaurant i'm not i'm not exaggerating why they first of all pasta, it's sensational. And you can watch them make it. They have a pasta-making room that's all glass. Oh, jeez. So you watch like Evan or one of the master chefs there put together this pasta,

and it's this laborious process of folding it and rolling it and dusting it with flour and rolling it, and they just do it over and over again. And you feel it in the food when you get it when you get a place like the cacho de pepe oh you get a plate that's my dish oh it's so good there dude you'll you'll you'll you're gonna be in heaven really you gotta go really they're open all right i'm going the i had a steak there might be the best fucking steak i've ever had in my life oh Oh, my God. Everything they do is perfect. I mean, it is just, and Evan is just a guy who is one of those head chefs that's just obsessed with doing everything perfect. Oh, my God.

And, you know, he's, like, studied in Italy, and, you know, and to talk to him about, like, his, there's Evan right there. Oh, wow. Bad motherfucker, you. He's so good. He's such a good chef and such a good person. I fucking love that guy. I want to go.

You feel it in the food. You completely do. I'm telling you. Anytime you visit these places, like when I tour around and you go to like these bakeries that have been there forever or like that old restaurant that's been there forever, you feel it. It's because of that person's passion. It has everything to do with it.

Yeah. And also the deep knowledge of how to cook correctly and a respect for the old world style of cooking. I mean, he goes to the fucking farmer's market and gets fresh produce and develops the menu based on what's available. The best. You know, it's just like, Jesus.

You eat there and you're like, ah. I don't want to leave. Yeah, you just wind up drinking too much wine and eating too much food. The best. Yeah. It's so great. When a restaurant gets it right like that,

and then they're forced to shut down for the longest fucking time. Well, that's, yeah, I know. And they're forced to shut the outdoor, they developed this whole outdoor dining space. So when I was still living in LA, you could go there outdoors. And then they shut down the outdoor dining.

It's like, why? Why are you saying outdoor dining is bad? Oh, you're saying Venice, California. Yes, Venice, California. Oh, I thought you meant Venice, Venice. No. Oh. It's on Abbot Kinney.

Oh, jeez, I can go there when I get back. Good luck getting a reservation. Well, I'm going to tell all my friends with Joe. Good luck. How do you think I got into Joe Beef? Joe Beef is another one of my favorite restaurants. Yeah. But Felix is-

Oh, that's cool. Felix is so good. That's so great. There's restaurants like that that they redefined what food is yeah now you realize like oh this is basically an art gallery that you can eat cacio pepe is the is one of the dishes that i've tried to perfect because i like i try and just work on a couple things and get them as good as i can get them you know what you should do you should start making your own pasta yeah because you make your own bread.

There's something about pasta that you buy that's fresh, like the way they cook it, which just has this bite to it that's so satisfying. I know. You know, it's just like there's something to it that's different than a dry pasta. I know. But the dry pasta is, you know, it's pretty close. Says the COVID salesman. Look at this guy over here.

Jesus. How about Lyme disease? Not bad. Lyme disease makes me comfortable. It's coming from a lab. I said it was bad. Well, I'd like to know the source. It comes from a lab.

It's great. Makes me happy. Plum Island. Plum Island. Like, handmade pasta is- No, it is better. It's better. It is better. It tastes better. it's better it is better it tastes better it feels better i know chew it it's got that i took a class in italy and learned how to make pasta and i was like when i get home i'm gonna do this every night you're already halfway there i know

bread i mean it seems like it's right up your alley to make your home my grandmother used to make pasta oh really oh my? Oh, my God. My grandmother made everything. Wow. She made her sauce from tomatoes that grew in the garden. Wow. So my grandfather would pick the tomatoes from the garden. My grandmother would stew them.

In Jersey? Oh, yeah. Nice. Make the sauce. The sauce was all from scratch. She would make all the pasta from scratch. She had a table that was just a pasta-making table in her kitchen. And she would have the rolling pin, and she would make lasagna.

And oh, my God, it was insane. It was insane. My nephews and I, my sister, my sister has this farm in New Jersey. She has a nonprofit called City green where she feeds grows vegetables and feeds Patterson to sake all of these places and learning gardens all this amazing amazing nonprofits work and the cool thing is that we get cooler than helping people is that we get all these tomatoes in August and last year we did it for the first time where we cooked down the tomatoes

into sauce. We had a giant thing we got the wooden stirrer and we just hung under the house like real Italians underneath the house all day and just cooked down all and then canned them all. Oh man. It must be so good.

It felt, Joe, it felt like without even, like we never saw our grandparents do this, but we know that they did. Like it felt right that we were doing this, that we were doing this process of taking these plum tomatoes, making them into this sauce, canning it. It was such a religious experience. It's satisfying about that, right? Like putting in the effort and then getting that reward. Like an artisan created, you know, sauce. Which is really just going back to the roots of it. It's just going back to the most simple form of it.

Yeah. And it just takes all that other bullshit away and you're just left with the pure doing and the pure ingredients of it. Yeah. Oh, it makes it so worth it. It does. And now we're going to do it again in August. I literally set up the time to travel back with my family just around when the tomatoes will be done. What is going on with New Jersey tomatoes?

Because they've always been known for their tomatoes. They have the New Jersey beefsteak tomatoes. And there's like a darkness and a juiciness to those tomatoes. They're legendary. Oh. Blueberries and tomatoes from New Jersey. Oh oh they're great blueberries too yeah yeah but what is going on with the soil i don't know why that is i have no idea i guess it's the you know it's like anything it's like why is wine great from a region it's a combination of all those things of yeah the way the wind comes through

the amount of sunlight that it gets i wonder if it's also like the seeds that they brought over. Yeah, maybe. You know, because you got to think Jersey was a particularly Italian area. Like that's where my grandparents settled. Yeah, mine too. A lot of Italians came from Italy straight to Jersey. Yeah. I wonder if they brought seeds with them.

I'm sure. Absolutely. Yeah. I bet they weren't here until we showed up. I just found out that someone in my family, like my great-grandfather, lived above Minetta Tavern right next to the Comedy Cellar. Really? Yeah.

My mother did a deep dive in the history and put together a book for all of us. Literally, my great-grandfather was in a little apartment, probably with 10 people. Wow. grandfather was like in a little apartment probably with you know 10 people wow and i'm downstairs performing at the cellar all this time walking up that street manetta lane wow yeah isn't that cool when fitzsimmons first moved to new york he used to have an apartment that was right right above that mafia social club the one that john mcdougall yeah that's where he he had a place right there really the heart of all that shit wow yeah he said he like he said he saw mobsters all the time oh that was like the 80s right there yeah well no i think when i early 90s yeah early 90s was when uh fitzsimmons was living there yeah that was that was prime time right that's when

yeah when giuliani was going after the mob and all that stuff was happening. Yeah. Yeah, Fitzsimmons lived right in the heart of Little Italy. Oh, man. What fucking great restaurants down there. Oh, my God. It's a shame it's really so small now. Well, it's also a wreck now because of the pandemic.

I mean, who knows how many of them i'll never come back yeah but even before that it was i mean it used to be that whole area and it was down to like mott street and a couple little ancillary uh g and dusa is the pizza place there that one's doing really well that's a good spot well pizza is a good thing to take out the thing about a lot of the restaurants that have to-go food. Yep. It makes sense to order pizza to-go. Yeah. Yeah.

When was the last time you were back in New York? Last week. Oh, what'd you do? Two weeks ago. It was so great. What'd you do? Stand-up. No, which place? The Cellar.

Oh. And I did my radio show. I have the SiriusXM Come to Papa show, which is like an old variety radio show. Uh-huh. Like with sketches and comedy and music and stuff and i've been doing it forever and uh and i always do it at the village underground there as part of the cellar oh you do like a live version a live version yeah and uh and i went to do it just to do it you know like they we were able to and uh like half capacity probably a

little more it It felt great. But literally the day I landed was when the CDC said we don't need masks anymore. So it was popping. Like I stayed downtown and it was just the sun was shining. People were out. They were just drinking and it just, you felt like this joy. Yeah. Oh my God.

Did you see that new wild park that New York City has created called The Island? No. It's really wild. It's like a man-made park. Where? I think it's somewhere near one of the harbors. But it's this wild thing where it's like on a platform. It's like these – you got to see it to see what it is.

It's really strange. Oh, wow. It's like you would imagine if you were on a spaceship and they created a park. Uh-huh. Like Elysium. Like a park inside the spaceship. Right, right, right. This giant mothership traveling with all the population through the galaxy.

Wow, that's so cool. Yeah. I'd love to, yeah. It's weird looking. It's weird. New, that's so cool. Yeah. It's weird looking. It's weird. New York is weird, man. I mean, the skyline from New Jersey is completely different. Look at that.

Look at that. Oh, wow. Look at that. What is it doing there? It's like concrete mushrooms. Yeah, so that's what it looks like. Whoa. So it's a fake island.

It's like a skate park. Right. It's suspended, though, in the water. park right it's suspended though in the water so the entire thing is made in the water and it's it varies like the the levels vary like see how it's got like it's got hills go back to a place you see how like it's all yeah like they made artificial like varying heights of the the ground they made it look like a real park. It's amazing. And if you look how small the people are there,

you kind of get a sense. Yeah, it's massive. That is cool. And that's open now? Yeah, yeah, just opened. The city has changed so much so quickly. Between the new buildings that went up, the skyline's completely different.

Like looking from New Jersey, it's like there's like a whole nother city on the west side and then when bluebird was in they took away all of these access roads for cars they don't want cars on this island at all and now that which island manhattan you didn't want cars in new york city what do you mean dude there's like parts of broadway they're just you can't drive on any longer. Oh, really? Yeah.

And that was before COVID. And now with COVID, there's all these outdoor dining places which they may keep. There's no parking spaces. The number of cars has gone down drastically. Interesting. Yeah. It's that kind of thing. It's like they're trying to eco it up.

That's an interesting thing. It's like a future city in a way. Who owns the spot in front of a restaurant? Is that public for the sidewalk? Because it used to be. Right. But then it stopped being the public for the sidewalk. Then it became the restaurants because the restaurant needed space to stay open.

Right. They made accommodations. Yeah. But now that things are going to go back to where you can eat indoors. Yeah. I don't know if they're going to keep those spaces or not. They did that outside in front of the stand too, didn't they? Didn't they have shows outside on the street?

I don't know about the shows part. How do you get people to pay tickets for that when you can just sit there just a few feet back? You give them a soda. I think they did that. I think the stand did that. Oh, that's funny. Because I'm pretty sure Ari sent me a picture of someone on stage. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like they had this set up outside. Yeah. Right. Yeah, like that. Look at that. Oh, and like looking into the stand. Oh, that's funny.

And the stage is right there. Kind of wild, right? Yeah. But this is the thing. It's like people find a way. I know. They use ingenuity. I know.

They find a way to do it. The store, but that store didn't have fucking shows. That just was linked because it's a comedy. Oh, yeah. They fucked us there. That looks like the La Jolla one. Yeah. They fucked us there.

I know. But the comedy store in the back parking lot, they're like, no, you don't have a license to do this. Yeah, that seemed crazy. It seemed like the perfect spot. Overregulation. Yeah. It's doomed California from the beginning of time.

I know. California is one of the most overregulated cities or states. It really is. I know. It's terrible. I know. I know. It's so beautiful, though.

Some parts of it. There's a little view of the city. Venice Beach, not so much. The street. Yeah. Yeah, you There's a little view of the street. Venice Beach, not so much. The street. Yeah. Yeah, you could just stand there for sure. Yeah, you totally could just be like, hey, I'm going to watch the show for a moment. Yeah.

So now there's all of these, it feels like, I don't know, kind of like Venice, Italy in a way. It's like there's all these outdoor places for seating, and it'll be interesting to see. You know, the weather's not great there for most of the year so maybe it will go away tim dillon told me the crime's off the hook he said it's crazy he said he was walking through uh time square and he said he felt like a victim oh really yeah he said it felt remarkably different there's a big difference between midtown and downtown like downtown like in the village bustling young people just it felt like that was

returned to normal somewhat normal go to Midtown and there's nobody there because they're still waiting on the return of the tourists and the return of the business people like the offices aren't open

that's crazy until you until you tilt those numbers and bring all those people back what you're left with are the people that are roaming the streets. And it is dicey. And there's some concern from a lot of people that that's never going to come back because a lot of people like working remotely. I know.

It's going to be interesting. I don't know. I mean, people thrive being around other people, though. There's a difference. Yeah, for sure. It's a big difference. I wonder where you're more productive. Together, in an office, with people watching you.

In your home. Right. Your home's set up for fun and relaxation. How many guys got caught jerking off to Zoom? On Zoom calls, didn't know that their camera was still on and they pulled their dicks out. Toobin, the Jeffrey Toobin guy. I mean, you can't wait until you're done with this?

I know, men. It's all men, right? It's addiction. It's pornography addiction. Right. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Pornography addiction is, it's so, not only is it so real, it's also, it's so taboo. it's so it not only is it so real it's also it's so taboo because uh for whatever reason like there's shame and pleasuring yourself and then there's shame and being caught pleasuring yourself which must have been devastating for him oh brutal and he's a legitimate journalist like he's a really good journalist and fired for a mistake like that yeah which is and everyone's going to remember him for that one mistake I know it's become like a verb I got caught tubing don't tube in it but multiple terrible I love that guy just there's an interesting guy to listen to who's just like coming into all this political times and oh well you know how come you can't make a mistake? I Know what what is that? Why are firing the guy? It's like do you think he's evil?

Is that why he beat off who got hurt? Yeah, who did who got hurt? No, I mean like from that like feelings Well his yeah, but that's all I'm saying. That's it. Other than that. No one got hurt, right? I mean, maybe some saw it and laughed. Yeah, but the reality of the rest of that experience, right? Yeah, but the reality of the rest of that experience is that it's just a guy beating off. Just made a mistake. And by the way, guys are doing that all across the country all day long. And this is the thing you find out when you let a guy work from home. Some people just can't resist that temptation.

That's right. That's why we got to get back in the office. Click on that Pornhub tab. Any free time, guys are going to fill up in the office. Click on that Pornhub tab. Any free time. Guys are going to fill up with something bad. Louis C.K. told me that that was one of the ways that he avoided any kind of distractions

on his writing laptop. He's like, his writing laptop literally can't connect to the internet. It doesn't allow it to connect to the internet. Sohuh it doesn't it doesn't allow it to connect near so it's only yeah so that's how he keeps from looking at porn keeps from staring at car videos right distracted he only writes right smart yeah I never downloaded iTunes or any of that stuff onto my laptop that I write with yeah but then it got to it got to there was a

tool that i needed to use to email and do whatever you're watching porn yeah it's um so tempting to just watch youtube videos to just uh google things yeah just see what's going on in the world you got to stop yourself in the news picking up your phone but more than the computer for me like i can stay off of that stuff pretty easily on the but having the phone next to me is the problem picking that up and just going to check instagram and then you just boom boom boom boom that that thing is uh I don't like. Really, it's such a time suck.

It's a time suck. And then if you start reading comments and reading people's opinions about you, and then you get weirded out. I stopped going to the Twitters. I never read Twitter anymore, like for years, just stopped going to the feed for it. It's a bunch of mentally unhealthy people throwing shit at each other. It was so healthy to not do it. I don't, I literally, really when we were talking earlier about like the people hating on people performing, I literally did not see it. I'm not making it up.

I'm like literally did not know it was happening until it was happening that's the way to be pointed out but instagram because it's a little more joyous i think seeing people's faces and seeing your friends performing and all that kind of stuff like i i will scroll through that but instagram is definitely more interesting yeah i thought it was dumb at first because i thought what it's just pictures i want to see pictures right see pictures anyway but then i realized like pictures with captions is actually kind of more indicative of like a person's thoughts than just the caption itself. Right, right. Okay, I get it. I get it.

You would have funny one today with that artist. How crazy is that? So funny. I had a fucking, I sold a sculpture for, I think it was like $18,000. An invisible sculpture. Yeah, it's just nothing. It's air. You have to imagine what the sculpture is.

So when you buy it, do you put it in your car? You have to get a car? Well, here's the thing. How can you stop him from selling the exact same one to everybody? It's invisible. But the fact that it was an auction and that someone was so dumb. How much did they pay?

Was it 18? 18 grand. When I looked it up, though, to try to find the article about it, to be like, this can't be real, is it? I've stumbled across an opinion piece about it on the advertising world saying that this happens in the advertising world

all the time. Like, people will pay a bunch of money, even at an auction type thing, for their ad to go out to X amount of viewers, they think, on a blog or a popular video or whatever. Right. And they'll see results that show this was viewed X amount of times,

but they never know that that's an actual human. They're being sold essentially the same thing as what this guy's like article was sort of saying and i know that that's true but i don't know that that the artist is making a point on the advertising world or like right or they shit to people he's just a scam artist just a dirty lacma style scam artist the la county museum of arts you know that you ever go to lacma yeah you want to hurt somebody when you go there. What is this?

What are you doing? When you see what they're calling art? Yeah, one of them was a plexiglass box that was just sitting on the ground. And I was just joking around. And I said, yeah, that plexiglass, that's the art. That's the whole thing. It's like amazing. Look what they did there.

I was joking. And this woman said, actually, that plexiglass, that's the art. That's the whole thing. It's like amazing. Look what they did there. I was joking. And this woman said, actually, that is the art piece. What are you saying? That's not art. It's a piece of plastic. You don't get it. Yeah. You don't get it.

That's what the problem is. You don't get it. You're not sophisticated in your taste of art. Right. But modern art, like one of the art pieces was like someone throwing a ball and then the other person catching it. Just playing a loop of people throwing balls at each other. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? I know.

The art world is very. But not the regular art world. Like art art, like people's paintings and interesting shit. I love that stuff. Sure. I'm fascinated by that. But it's these scam artists that sell invisible sculptures. Like, you can eat shit, you fuck.

What do you got there? This is the piece, I guess, on the guy's, the artist's Instagram. Well, there's no piece. It's a video playing. Oh, it's a video of empty space? It shows, yeah, there's like a chalk outline on a street. There it is. That's the piece.

That's the piece. Okay. The sculpture I installed here. That's the sculpture. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. An the sculpture. Shut the fuck up. An empty lot. Shut the fuck up. What about the person who bought it, though?

Who wanted to buy it? Probably some crazy dude who has too much money. Some oil baron. I'll buy it. Fuck you. I win the auction. Right. Probably doing coke and just doing random auctions all day long.

We got 15, 15, 15, going 16, going 16, 16, 18 sold to Johnny Fat Cigar. Did you ever see that movie Uncut Gems? Parts of it. Half of it. You didn't see the whole thing? No, I got distracted and I never got back to it. It's a fucking amazing movie. It was fun.

In it, there's a scam auction where he's got a buddy like bidding for something to try to raise up the price uh-huh then he fucks up and wins oh really spoiler alert how great was that movie it was frantic yeah still i as a person who really likes the nba and is a little bit into gambling i go it's good it's fun but like they've built up some fucking drama that doesn't exist and can't exist because you can't do that stuff. The bet he makes is a bet you cannot make. Oh. Really? That seems like a big oversight.

And at the end, he sends his girlfriend on an Uber Blade that didn't exist until like three years ago. Uber Blade? What's an Uber Blade? The helicopter thing. Oh, the helicopter Uber to JFK? He sends her to a casino that doesn't have a sports book. So like there's a couple, but I'm like,

sounds like a little nitpicky. Little nitpicky, right? Hey, hey. Sounds like a little. Sometimes it takes you out of the movie though when you're watching, like you can't even make this bet. That was that Teddy Bergeron joke about the person that goes to the theater

and watches Peter Pan. He's on a wire! There's no Peter Pan. He's on a wire! There's no Santa Claus and he's on a wire! What a great joke. When I was an open mic-er, I did my very first open mic night. Jonathan Katz was the host. Wow.

And, you know, it was a bunch of scrubs like me and then Teddy Bergeron came on and did a set. Wow. Oh my God, it made you just want to quit right there and then. Oh like i'll never be as funny as that guy i did a lot of gigs with him too really oh yeah i saw him when he came to through the cellar probably in like 98 99 yeah he was like a little older and uh and he came through and it was just like you know that weird space you're in like this little thing. And he was so different from everybody else age-wise and performance-wise. But there were just these moments that were just like, it was kind of like, it was like watching like a lion in a way.

Like he was kind of like finding his way and then you would see it. You know what I mean? That's where I got that joke from. He's on a wire. He just all of a sudden explode. He's on a wire yeah just all of a sudden explode he's on a wire yeah yeah that was his style he was such a brilliant guy like a really intelligent guy yeah and his comedy was so polished so smooth yeah yeah you know that's where you get to see like the different styles of delivery that different people have and yeah. No, I mean, he was,

I just went down a rabbit hole of Bernie Mac the other day. Oh, my God. God. He was a monster. A monster. The passion. When he went on stage as Def Jam,

he was like, I ain't afraid of you motherfuckers. The best. The best. Everyone's bombing before him, and the audience is rough. I ain't afraid of you motherfuckers. Boom. went out there like that everybody was like oh like you feel the energy shift in the room he was energy the belief like the that was the really like lesson that you

always have to relearn these lessons all the time right and just that he was not up there being passive he was letting you know that what he was talking about right now is the most important thing in the world yep that thing yep yep such a powerful confidence yes yeah like almost like he's talking about a religious thing yeah yeah when people have that kind of like sam k style delivery. That's just fucking dynamic, powerful delivery. It's just so gripping. It's so catchy. Yeah. It's like you've got to...

I think there was a Kinison quote, actually. It was like, how can you expect the audience to give a shit if you don't? Right. Was that Hicks or Kinison? I think it was Kinison. Maybe him and Hicks shared. Yeah. I mean they hung around together a lot.

I mean it's something we should all be saying over and over again. But you do see comics sometimes get up there and be like meh. It's like well, yeah. What else, what else? What else is going on? One of the things that taught me, that I learned rather from Boston, is people's attention spans are very precious.

You have to pay attention to people's attention spans. You have to appreciate it. Because in Boston, they don't have a lot of tolerance for meandering. Right. And all the comedians on shows, like if you're dealing with a guy like a Lenny Clark or a Steve Sweeney They're all rapid-fire real tight acts bang bang bang bang bang punch lines coming at you. Yeah guns blazing like Growing up in a place like that you develop this sort of Bill Burr style the Patrice O'Neill style You know, there's a lot of guys that come like those guys to Boston guys. Yeah, yeah, Nick DiPaolo

You know, there's a lot of guys that come like those guys to Boston guys. Yeah, yeah, Nick DiPaolo Yeah, you know so many Louis CK so many guys from that air Bobcat Yeah, so many guys from that environment environment and then you get Stephen Wright and Jonathan Katz Yeah, yeah, very different right? Yeah. Well Stephen Wright's the most different right the most different but in his own way He's's bringing that belief, that passion, that thing. He's not, his cadence is so much slower than Bernie Mac. Right. But. But there's a slow burn to the intensity.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, slow burn. Yeah. Yeah. But there is an intensity. Maybe that's the key word. I always really admired people like him because his style is all non-sequiturs.

Like you can't feed off of something. Like you and I, we can talk about something. Like say we talk about coffee. We can just kind of go on about coffee and then lead it into wine and lead it into this. And then, you know, there's so many different places you can take an idea. But when you're just doing non-sequiturs, you know, I got a job at a place that makes fire hydrants. You couldn't park anywhere near the joint. Right.

That kind of. That's your thing. It's your mind. A fire hydrant factory. I fucked up. Yeah. Stephen Wright would do all non-sequiturs. Right.

Which is kind of crazy. Kind of crazy. Who do we know that does that today? Anthony. Jeselnik. Yeah. right which is kind of crazy kind of crazy who do we know that who does that anthony jesselnik yeah yeah but kind of but he he kind of he he stays in it it's all lines yeah right it's all but it's always jokes dark real dark stuff well is it yeah he's doing his he has a twist on it but it's still like he's not gonna, I've never seen Anthony just kind of like break off and just start. No, no, no, he doesn't riff.

Yeah. Yeah. Like who, but who else does like completely non-related, like Mitch Hedberg did that. Mitch Hedberg was complete non-sequiturs. Yeah. I always think like,

how do they remember whether they told that joke yet? I know. Because every joke is like 30 seconds and you have 150 of them. Like how do you yet. I know. Because every joke is like 30 seconds and you have 150 of them. Like, how do you remember? I know. Yeah, it's a whole different thing.

Do you ever do three shows and you can't remember whether or not you've done that joke for the... Yeah. That's terrifying. Terrifying. Three shows are weird. That's the weird...

That was like the goal of... It was like to never do three shows in a night. That was brutal. No one wanted to be at that last show. The audience didn't want to be there. They were tired and drunk. You were tired. It was-

They fucked up and didn't get tickets for the 10 o'clock. Yeah, it was terrible. Midnight show. So the midnight show, by the way, you don't go on stage until like 1240. Right, exactly. It's almost one o'clock in the morning you don't go on stage until like 12 40 right exactly it's almost one o'clock in the morning and you're getting on stage a nightmare show us your tits a nightmare okay i'm here to make you laugh the worst just being in those lion dens just trying that's why you had to go fast that's why you needed to oh yeah go and you needed to hammer

well those um late night shows on Friday night, too. Those are the worst. Because the people worked all day. They worked all day. They worked all week. They got to the last day of the week. They've been up since 6 in the morning. And then they got drunk and did whatever they did.

Ate, drank, did what it got high before your show. Yep. Nightmare. Ate a whole chicken. And everyone did those shows for a long time i did them forever they don't exist anymore i don't think some places still have them some places still do a midnight show not many uh it's not good it's only good for the guys selling the booze yeah i forget who the last person asked me if they should do a midnight show and i said well i mean look it's money if you need the money, do it.

But I fucking hate those. I don't think they're ever worth doing. The worst. And so they said, I'm going to do it. And then they text me the next day. You were right. Fucking terrible. I'm like, yeah.

It's like you're dealing with the most tired, most drunk people. Yeah. You just want to send people home at that hour. That said, every now and then you'll have a midnight show, and it's fucking fire. Yeah. Every now and then, every now and then you'll have a midnight show and it's fucking fire. Yeah. Every now and then. Every now and then you'll have a late night show. Yeah.

Some of those late night shows at the store are fucking incredible. Yeah. You never know. Can't go that long. No. Can't go that long. No, you can't drag it out. You have to be conscious of how much they've got left in the tank too.

Yeah. You know, it's going to be. That's why when I see those guys, like when Dane and Chappelle and all those guys were doing like five hour sets, they were like breaking the Guinness Book of World Records. I know. I think Dane broke the record,

but I think somebody broke it and went like 24 hours on stage. Right. I wonder if they peed. Yeah, good question. I bet there was pee breaks. Maybe they have a water jug. Yeah. Just turn. I bet there was pee breaks. Maybe they have a water jug. Just turn.

Ew. Part of the act. Like a trucker. Yeah, like a large- Like a long haul trucker. 40 hours and eight minutes. For standup? Mm-hmm.

When was this? April 30th, 2013, United States. Who did it? How much of that is real comedy? A guy named the Midnight Swinger, David Scott, at the Diamond Joe Casino in Dubuque, Iowa. His name's the Midnight Swinger? Go for it. And he was on stage for 40 hours?

Let me see what he looks like. Let me see what he looks like. Wow. Yeah. I like his tie. He looks like he's got energy. He looks like he might be funny. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, definitely. So he holds the world record. Doesn't have any information about it was gonna look that up next but well well look Google his name David's by an individual I'm sure he has a website yeah sure he's got a different David Scott it's a congressman comedy when mr. showtime it's like you want to see his set. I think he's wearing mascara. What?

Is it the same guy? I don't know. I don't think it's the same guy. Is it? That looks like a... Maybe. He's got a crazy haircut. That looks like an older Tim Minchin.

That looks like one of my mom's friends. Yeah, you don't. Does it seem like the same guy? It doesn't, though, does it? Just with different hair. Oh, yeah. It's just a different look. I mean, so that picture's 2013.

It's eight years later. He could have long hair now. I have long hair. And he's still cranking. He has COVID hair. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, but how much of that is comedy at that point? You're just kind of standing up.

You're just in a place. He's got the world record. Big news, must watch. Go back? You just happen to be in a comedy club. Go back? I can't. You can't? Oh. It's like Facebook. Wacky Facebook interface. You wackadoo.

But it was cool being at the cellar again. They were cranking out shows. All the comics were there. They were doing vax shows. You had to show your vaccine so they can admit more people. For the comics as well? No. The store has it for the comics. Yeah.

It's hilarious. Why can't you just show a negative test? With the Facebook just banned Donald Trump for two years. They said he can't come back to Facebook for two years. Yeah, I just read that. There's something he could do, though, to get back. I didn't know what it was he could do to get back,

but there's something he can do to come back, though. Like parole? Yeah, a little bit. Instead of a parole hearing? Tell us you're sorry. I'm sorry. You have to put out. I almost caused the United States to collapse.

The end of democracy. You have to just give us inspirational quotes for the next two years and we'll let you back in. Like what kind of fucking. They made a ruling. And some people are like, this is bullshit. He should be out forever. Why are you letting him back in two years? Because in two years he'll be even older.

It's like, imagine how dumb he'll be in two years. Imagine how more reckless. It'll be a mess. In two years, and then the two years, the effect of all the amphetamines he's going to be taking from now until those two years. Deterioration of the brain, McDonald's food, no vitamins. I know. He does the opposite. He he's gonna live longer than everybody yeah well they just came down with that ruling yeah yeah well that's

pretty heavy I'm trying to find a bit with the way that says he come back but does say that he's in two years they're gonna reevaluate even so it might not be right that mmm yeah he's fucked kick the can it's very interesting how they can just remove someone from social media like that though yeah you know i mean it's a it's a real eye-opener for a lot of people when they can move the president of the united states off of twitter and go that's it you're done done and then you don't hear from him anymore yeah like imagine if he was still on social media right now oh it's so exhausting you would never hear a word and apparently he quit his

blog after only nine days because the fucking view count was so abysmal yeah who wants yeah no one's going to the president's blog you know yeah but that's the thing that's interesting though is like people are locked into these ecosystems right facebook or instagram or youtube whatever it is they're locked into those things yeah and nobody wants to go to your website anymore no i know exactly yeah they just want to see just feed it to me well make it a part of what i already eat don't make me go to a new restaurant you don't right exactly yeah that's the already eat. Don't make me go to a new restaurant. Right, exactly. That's the thing.

Yeah. People don't want to go anywhere. Just even switching over from YouTube to Spotify, so many people are like, What the fuck is this? Oh, really? I got to download a new thing. They're mad. Really?

Yeah, for sure. That's weird. It's not weird though people get like trapped in um a habit yeah you have a routine that you follow yeah you go to itunes every day at itunes you get the latest podcast there it is i'm already subscribed yeah press play yeah now you got to do the same thing over at spotify but what's so weird is how it's moving like it's always changing there's always changing. There's always new things coming up. Well, now Spotify has more podcast viewers and listeners than any other app.

Oh, really? Spotify has surpassed Apple. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive. Yeah, it's a new thing. Man, they really did that quickly. Yeah, make sure that's true.

I'm 90% sure it's true, though. That's amazing. Yeah. Well, it's a really good interface. I i won't say anymore because i work for them no but it is i mean just watching for my daughters they were looking at me using apple music like ew i was like what like no spotify it says that they will surpass apple this year. Will. When was this? March. Oh, that's quite a long time ago, isn't it? It was a forecast, too.

I think the latest one was something they sent. Well, I might be wrong. Just got to follow where the kids are going. Maybe it's worldwide, but in America, Apple still has the lead, I think. Google worldwide use of Spotify. But then I got a message from a friend of mine who said his friends in some parts of the world can't get Spotify. It doesn't work. Oh, yeah.

Like Iran? I was going to say, Facebook is adding podcasts so that people can listen to podcasts on that exterior. Can you imagine with the censorship that those motherfuckers pump out? I mean, they just now allowed you to talk about the lab leak theory again. For the longest time, if you talked about the COVID possibly leaking from a lab that studied COVID that just happens to be in the exact same location as the fucking weird disease that is inexplicably sickening people in different ways and all the shit that we talked about before. Just happens to be there.

If you put that on Facebook, they would literally delete it from Facebook. Really? Yeah. It's legitimate scientists and biologists were examining this. Epidemiologists were examining this. And they were saying this very well may have come from the lab that is right there. Yeah, yeah.

In that same area. So what's their interest in that? What was their interest in that? Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows? Who knows what these people are up to? Mark Zuckerberg, if there's anybody on this planet

that's a robot, it's him. Yeah. You ever see him drink water? No. It's very weird. Oh, really? Yeah, like this.

Ready? Yeah. I'm going to drink like this. I'll go right away. And he used two hands? Yeah, he used two hands, but maybe that was Trump that used two hands.

Trump used two hands. Trump used two hands and everybody was speculating, he's shaking, he's got the shakes. Watch him sip this water. Watch this, watch this, watch this. Ready?

Oh. This is how's got the shakes. Watch him sip. Watch him sip this water. Watch this. Watch this. Watch this. Ready? Oh. This is how people drink the water. Look how he puts it down. What is that? That is a guy that secretly- Oh, that's weird. That is a guy that secretly wants all the power in the world. He's trying to keep it together.

Just don't fuck this up, Mark. Don't fuck this up. Take a sip of water. Don't let them see. We are normal. We are just like us. Take a sip of water. Don't let them see. We are normal. We are just like us. We are just like them. It's so weird.

Bro, that is the weirdest sip of water ever. It is so bizarre. It's so weird. So strange. That's why he was able to do it, I guess. He's a cyborg. But I mean, why did he even want that much water? Yeah.

Do you even notice if you had that much water right after you have it? Go ahead, try that. Ready? Let's do a Mark Zuckerberg set. He looks at it first. He looks at what he's putting in. Probably because he's worried they're poisoning him. He probably has a bunch of people that test his food.

We can't even do that. It's the king's food. You trying to be more robotic doesn't come close to what he was doing. Like, you're doing your best to be like a robot, and still there's so much emotion coming out of your body. Is that his sunscreen? Is that legit?

That's real sunscreen? No. 100%. What? He did his whole face in zinc? Yes. Bro, he's so odd. It's so weird.

I love that that exists. When you have the kind of money that guy has and the kind of power he has by being at the helm of Facebook, and then you have a bunch of people that want you to step down as a CEO, a lot of people want him to step down as a CEO of Facebook. Oh, yeah? A lot of people. They think he fucked up things during the election with all the Russian propaganda and all the shit that happened in 2016.

And selling all our information to people. That was a big kerfuffle. There's so much going on, and they want him to step down, but he's like, fuck you, I'm drinking water. Yeah, I made this. I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it. I like Jeff Bezos stepping down. Is he?

Yeah. What's he he gonna do? spend that money man, you'd get bored would you? if you're that kind of head that got you to that position maybe he wants to do something else don't you think you could do something else with

150 billion fucking dollars I don't know if it would change me at all you set a billion aside and start doing wild shit with that billion dollars. Yeah. Just decide, I'm going to do this. Do whatever the hell you want. Yeah. What would you do?

What would you do? What would you do if you're Bill Gates and you just got divorced? Why did they get divorced? Because he likes to fuck. Is that it? Probably. I'd imagine. He's got caught tubing in his thing.

$150 billion. Yeah. Probably wants to fuck. I'm like, listen, Melinda, I love you, but I can't. It just seems so weird at that age to, like at that time. What do they call that? They call that, there's a certain type of divorce they call it. It's like there's a term.

Is there? Yeah. It's got to be because it's so weird. You're just the old jellyfish people. It's like a sunset divorce or some shit like that. Right, right. At the end of the day. Yeah.

I quit. Enough. God, at that point, who cares? I think there's- Let's make some tea. The speculation is it had something to do with his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, which turned out to be far more extensive than he had let on. Oh, geez.

Everything always comes back to that guy. That guy had his claws in everybody. I know. So creepy. Don't you feel real fortunate that you never went to one of his parties? I never. You know, and I tried to get invited all those years. Imagine if you did that.

Oh, my God. You know, like. Just a snapshot of you at a party with a drink. A lot of famous people were at his parties. I know. A lot. A lot of famous people traveled with him. Really?

Yeah, a lot. A lot. I mean, that was part of the gig. Whatever he was doing, let's not speculate about who he worked for or what intelligence agencies or what have you. Oh, geez. But for sure, there was some of that going on and he was curating influential people it's so weird isn't it fuck yeah it's weird and people had too much time on their hands what's weird is

that that was like the craziest conspiracy theory ever if you went back in the day just like a few years ago and someone like some alex jones type dude was telling you about a conspiracy where super wealthy people and famous people fly to an island to have sex with underage girls you're like what that sounds like looney tune stuff yeah and now you're like oh oh it was. Oh, it was real. Oy. It was real. And then he got literally hundreds of celebrities and scientists and world leaders. Well, maybe they were coming because they heard it was a good buffet. That's what I heard.

I heard it's a great buffet. I only flew with him 26 times. I don't know what the problem is. Everybody's so fucking judgmental today. I hear he's got a bunch of jet skis. I hear it's a really fun time. He's got his own game room, I hear. He's got his own-

Shuffleboard. Shuffleboard. Let me find this real quick. How's that Jelaine lady staying alive? I was just looking it up. Who? She got denied her fifth bail charge yesterday. Who?

Trying to get out. Oh, his partner who arranged all that stuff bail not parole right yeah what is that was a documentary I didn't get through when is her

fucking November November why is it so long probably because COVID no they're trying to murder her they're just doing it nice and slow

they just keep putting a rope into her into her cell just gonna leave this on the tray. Well, how about the fucking people that were guarding Jeffrey Epstein's cell? They falsified records, lied about it, and they just got community service. Like, whatever.

No big deal. I pulled up the wrong clip. Do you remember that show, Like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous? But it was later on VH1. It was sort of like Cribs. It was a little bit of a mixture of both, but VH1 but it was later on VH1. It was sort of like Cribs. There's a little bit of a mixture of both, but VH1 did it.

Pimp my ride. They did a... Champagne wishes and caviar dreams. It's just like that of Jeffrey Epstein. Oh, yeah, that's right. I saw that online

the other day. And they're showing his cool house. I'm trying to find the video, though. Oh, they featured him on the show? Bro.

This is the massage room where all the action happens. Everyone is of age. You're not being filmed. Creepy. Oof. Yeah. God. What was the word that Ghislaine said that they had, like, films of everyone?

Films of all those people. That's the old spot. The largest single residence in all of Manhattan. Yeah. A whopping 51,000 square feet. That's a dope house. Look at him. Oh.

On Earth video from Jeffrey Epstein's feature from 2007 has gone massively viral on social media. It just sells him almost like you guys were doing. He was a cool guy. I've heard before. Sweet parties. Fabulous life of billion dollar Wall Street ballers dives into Epstein's fixation on owning private... Oh, there it is.

Led French of Bill Clinton was spotted on the infamous Lolita Express jet in 2002. Wow. You know what? None of those people are making their own pasta. I'll tell you that right now. That's what, dun. Wow. You know what? None of those people are making their own pasta. I'll tell you that right now. That's what's up.

Right? Yeah. No one's learning how to shoot a bow and arrow. Yeah. They have nothing to take up their time, so they just run around with their wieners out. You greatly benefited from my move to Austin, Texas. You got a freezer full of elk. Dude.

How's that like? Joe. You have a full freezer you i mean it was the greatest gift i i open it just even when i'm not eating it just to look inside i have that giant freezer it fit perfectly it's like it was it's like my house was waiting for it it's just perfect nook right in the garage and it's just so much elk. Isn't it nice? I don't, I have not bought meat. I don't buy meat. Do you feel better when you eat that meat?

100%. Really do, right? No joke. Yeah. No joke. It's so good for you. It's so good. I love it. What's the ones in the camouflage tubes?

Oh, tubes. That's ground beef, or excuse me, ground elk. That's ground elk. Is it me, ground elk. That's ground elk. Is it different from any of the others? No. Usually it's a tougher cut, like shoulder meat, and they ground it up to make hamburger. It is sensational with eggs.

Oh. What I like to do with it, I take some butter, put it in a pan, and I take the ground elk and I put some garlic salt on the ground elk and just kind of like get it browned. Yeah. And then I push it to the side and crack a bunch of eggs in there too. And I have like four eggs. And either I mix it all up together, which sometimes I do.

I make like a scramble. Or I just get the eggs sunny side up, push them to the side, and then put the ground elk on a pile on the plate and then mix it in with the yolks and everything. Oh, nice. You just lit me up. Woo! It's so good. And then you get a little piece of that bread. And put that French butter on it.

Come on now. That's living. So we're going to eat tonight at Red Ash. I organized a comedian's dinner. Nice. Ron White, Eric Griffin. Nice. Everybody, Tony, Red Band, Adam.

Adam's going to be here with that, too. We're going to have some fun tonight. Oh, that's great. Red Ash is a great place in town. They have a real fire, like wood fire grilled steaks where they have the thing like the Argentine style grill it cranks oh really is up and lowers that handmade pasta there too I think I want steak yeah yeah yeah yeah that too yeah all of it all right we should wrap this up cuz I don't want to what do you got to do come on man don't

you I don't want to go don't you want to do? Come on, man. Don't you... I don't want to go. Don't you want to do other things as well? No. No? Nope. I just want to keep doing this until dinner. When are you working again? Out here.

Out here in Austin. Any gigs? Yeah. I'm doing the... Was it the Capitol? What's the theater here? Paramount? Paramount.

Paramount's great. Is it like a third capacity now? I think they may have upped it up a little bit. I think I've been doing it in the winter. It's a great place. Yeah. Beautiful theater. I've done it once before.

Beautiful theater. Dude, they put on my website all of my dates on the map. Like, I have all the little pins. There it is. Look at all those dates. Look at you, you fucking animal. I hate that. I don't like seeing that.

Why? Because I'm going to go to all those places between now and December. Does it give you anxiety? Yeah. You go to Modesto, California, you don't give a fuck, dude. I go everywhere. You get out there. St. Paul, Minnesota, what, what?

Red Bank, New Jersey. Yeah. The Wynn in Las Vegas. Yeah. I'm so, this makes me happy. What's the encore theater at the Wynn? I've never done that. Yeah, the Wynn.

It's my first time there, July 30th. I always usually do the Mirage. The Mirage? Yeah, I love that place. A lot of comics do that. It's not that big, but it's like really perfectly set up. Yeah. That's the Terry Fador Theater,

the guy who won, what is it, America's Got Talent? Is he still going? I don't know. I saw him there. I took my family to see him there because it's like a family friendly show. You can see little kids can come and watch.

Oh, that's cool. Have you seen Hacks on HBO? No. What is that? It's good. I've only seen a couple episodes, but Jean Smart plays a, like a Joan Rivers, Rita Rudner kind of a comedian. That's about comedy? Yeah. She plays a Joan Rivers, Rita Rudner kind of comedian.

That's about comedy? Yeah. She plays a Vegas comic, a legend Vegas comic who's trying to hang on, and this young hipster comedian comes in to help her write, and it's the two generations of comedy. The young comic gives her these jokes. She's like, these aren't't jokes there's no punchlines and it's like it's such a good look at comedy oh this is new yeah it's new she's so good she's really how

come I god damn it there's so much on television I know I've seen it I know and I don't see looks a little like John Rivers. I don't see anything and I was able to see a couple of these really well done no she's amazing and it just like it's obviously written by comics because The stuff about the different generations of what comedy is and trying to kill like we were talking about like that Bernie Mac kind of a thing and the new kind of Hipster like floating around. This is in the world of kind of a thing. Yeah. And the new kind of hipster like floating around. This is in the world of kind of funny.

It's a pretty good look at it. It's crazy when like a show could be really good and you never heard of it. Like how many shows are out there? Dude, I know. Everyone's talking about the mayor of Easttown or whatever that is. Yeah, I've heard that's great. I hear. Yeah.

That's what I hear. I've never seen the thing. Didn't even know what it was. I thought it was the mayor, like M-A-Y-O-R. M-A-R-E. Yeah. Yeah.

There's so much shit out there. That's awesome. My friend John Dudley told me it's the shit. Yeah. All right, really, I gotta pee really hard and I gotta wrap this up.

Tommy motherfucking Papa. Wow, wow, wow. You can find him on the Instagram. It's the only thing he reads, so talk shit about him there. No, don't ruin that for me. No, no, no, no, no. Tom Papa on Instagram.

Come to Papa. There's a podcast and the other podcast. The Breaking Bread podcast. Yeah, and Duncan Trussell's on this week. Oh, is he? Yeah. You guys made bread together? No, we did it remote because he's far away.

Oh, that's right. I just love him so much. He's living in the mountains with the hillbillies and the mushrooms. He's so great. He's the best. But yeah, TomPapa.com for everything. Okay. Bye, everybody.

Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody.