The Joe Rogan Experience - #1685 - Shane Gillis

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Shane Gillis is a stand-up comedian, radio personality, and co-host with Matt McKusker of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast." Also look for "Gilly and Keeves" sketches on YouTube, a new sketch show created by John McKeever and Shane Gillis.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day all right we're back after a brief hi we had a little fuck up here but we're back cheers again yeah cheers so we were saying that uh i was saying that this is stanhope's move drinking bud light and you were saying that you like drinking Bud Light because you could drink more and then I said Stan Hope switched to cocktails this all this happened we had to fuck up with the recording but you said you lived with Stan Hope I did at the fucking Neverland Ranch yes it was crazy yeah what's he doing out there what do you think yeah yes just being bombed having nuts random stranger show up at his house yeah he doesn't care i mean he's he's still he's so funny but yeah every once in a while he'd get he'd get a

little nasty yeah turn on me he turned on you yeah i'd say every because we i mean it was it was like a month and i i can drink but i can't so you lived with him for a whole month yeah i stayed in the guest house what is that place like that bisbee, Arizona? It's a cool town. Yeah? It's really cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's like an old mining town. So every house is like an old mine shack.

It's crazy. And most of the people there, what do they do? I think when the mines closed, because it was an old copper mine, they all, like hippies from California moved in there. So it's like a real RT town. Is he like the mayor of the town? Yeah, pretty much.

Although I think all he does is, I could be wrong. Maybe his routine changed during COVID. In fact, I know it did. But they... Yeah, that was it. He would just go to the grocery store and come back. That was his That's it?

That's it That's it? That's it Just make sure he's got enough money in the bank Yeah, talk shit, do podcasts Wow Yeah Yeah, it was fun

But yeah, like I said Every once in a while he'd get a couple drinks And be like, look at you He'd be hanging out and out of nowhere He'd be like, you're fat I'd be like, alright man What the fuck, dude That's the hard booze yeah yeah that's hard booze thinking people that just drink like bud lights they probably don't get that nasty it's a slow

trickle no yeah i got this this is my dad dad just drinks these all night it's not the best flavor you're crazy a couple bls, dude? It's okay. It'd probably be real good with like crabs. You know, like some seafood and like a nice light beer. Drinking outside, it's perfect. Yeah, real cold. Yeah, you can't drink like craft or like IPAs outside. Yeah, you can. I don't like it. I do.

What the fuck's your problem? I like dark beer. I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you work out. You're in shape and shit. Yeah, but that's not why I like it. If I start, yeah, I know, but if I start crushing IPAs, I'll- Get hammered. Ballooned. Yeah, it's good times.

I'll be huge. Yeah, there you go. If I drink 12 IPAs a night instead of Bud Lights, it'd be a disaster. That's true. But you wouldn't need 12. You'd need five, and you'd have the same effect. Yeah, but that's why I don't drink like i try not to drink liquor ever like i'm trying not to get fucking hammered at these places you're just trying to

like keep a steady buzz yeah because i'll get drunk i had a bad habit of getting hammered at clubs and talking shit that sounds like a normal comedian yeah it sounds like everyone yeah but then i you know the anxiety the next day all that what did i say i know that's the worst that's the worst feeling when you're all drunk together and you're like, did I say something stupid? You said, I said wild shit. And you know people said stupid shit to you. So you're like, man, was I that guy too?

Yeah. Yeah, you were. Definitely. And at the cellar now, it's like we're all having like conversations about like race and shit like that. And you might get hammered. I might get hammered. Be like, would you guys shut up?

Just wake up the next day like, oh, fuck. There is nothing worse than comedians that are virtue signaling. Like around other comedians and trying to establish like a way that we should all communicate. And you're like. Yeah.

What the fuck are you saying? Are you pretending this is real? Yeah. Are you pretending this is real? I thought we were all in on this. Yeah, we're all in on this. We're all good people talking mad shit. There's no bad people here.

Just because someone says something ridiculous to make other people laugh, like, yeah, that's what they're doing. Yeah. We know the game. Yeah. It's like, it's their opportunists. They're opportunists. They find a little, a way to claim the moral high ground, to be upset at everybody else. But if you're a comedian and you do that, you're a traitor. You know what's going on. You know that these guys are just talking shit. And talking shit is a real thing. It's a thing. It's like, here's my real statement. Here's how I really feel about things. Here's honesty. Here's me just being vulnerable and truthful.

And then here's me talking shit. It's shit. It is literally shit. It is shit. It's not real. No, we're saying ridiculous things to make each other laugh. I'm going to get fucked up on this. Yeah, there you go.

Good. Let's start talking shit by the end of this. Six or seven of these. We'll have a good buzz going. Yeah, man. It might grow on me. It's not bad. I by the end of this. Six or seven of these and we'll have a good buzz going. Yeah, man. It might grow on me. It's not bad. I get the idea, though.

You know, that's one of the things that I've been reading about lately. I'm actually rereading this book by Brian Murorescu. It's called The Immortality Key. It's all about ancient Greece and how they used to take wine and they had wine laced with all these psychedelic chemicals And that's you know the whole illusinian mysteries But back then everybody used to drink all day They all had like us the alcohol was terrible like the wine had like 3% alcohol the booze had like 3% like beer was 3%

To what they didn't know how to make like strong shit like they know how to make today. And everybody was drunk all the time. Yeah, what else are you going to do? Yeah. Sitting around waiting to get fucking killed by barbarians? You better get hammered. The barbarians are on mushrooms. Yeah, they were.

That was the thing. Like the Vikings, they were all on mushrooms. Were they? Yeah, they would do mushrooms and go berserking. Yeah, they would do some bad things. I can't imagine doing those all on mushrooms. Were they? Yeah, they would do mushrooms and go berserking. Yeah, they would do some bad things. I can't imagine doing those things on mushrooms. Yeah, but if you lived back then, you could. True.

If that was a normal part of everyday life, was cutting people apart, you'd probably want to be on mushrooms. Yeah, I'd take mushrooms and giggle. Yeah, probably. These guys would take it and... But they might have giggled too. I bet they were giggling. Yeah, I would imagine. We're lucky.

But that's why people complain today you know it's like because it's pretty easy so the things that people complain about they're relatively mild in comparison to the historical record of how fucked up life was yeah yeah it was terrible did you buy that shirt on purpose really yes so you saw that in the store you're like this is the one i saw this shirt i was in the store and you're like, this is the one. I saw this shirt. I was like, that's the drip. That's it. This is the drip. Gym shorts and a Walmart polo. Do you play golf? No. Good for you.

I go drink. I watch my friends play golf. I'll go on the cart. It's fun. Do you have a shirt like that? Do you have golf shirts that you wear? I do, but not like that. They're not as fly as this. Is that what you're saying? Tiger Woods collection. I was with Ari at the house and I was do, but not like that. They're not as fly as this? Is that what you're saying? Tiger Woods collection. I was with Ari at the house and I was like, I look like a dickhead,

right? He was like, no, you look fine. I knew that he was lying. Is Ari staying at Tim's too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just me and Ari. It's just me and that fucking guy. Took his dick out already? Of course he did. Which is fine. Taking your dick out with other people around is funny, but it's just me and him around is funny. But just with one dude.

But it's just me and him. And I was like, dude, who's this joke for, bro? It's just you and me. It was great. Plus, I guarantee you, Tim's got cameras everywhere. Oh, definitely. Recording everything. He's probably watching like, yes.

Take it out. Oh, that's great. Let's go. Let's go. So we were out. Me and Ari were swimming. And I was like, I bet you I can swim underwater the length of the pool. And he was like, I bet you can't. So I did it. And then when I got, I was like out bet you I can swim underwater the length of the pool and he's like I bet you can't so I did it and then when I got I was like out of breath got to the other side

I was like came out and his dick was out he was standing outside of the pool I was like god damn I was like tired yeah he's a wild motherfucker I mean that dude lived most of the pandemic in South America yeah just moved to South America for a while. Didn't know anybody down there. Got an Airbnb. Started doing yoga up there. Yeah. Yeah, he's crazy.

Well, he's all about that. Me and him, we don't share a lot in common. He was walking around. He's like, we should go hiking. We should do this. I was like, dude, shut up. Let's watch SportsCenter and drink. So yeah, he was trying to get me to go down there with him.

He's big on new experiences, like hiking type things, going places and traveling. I don't like it. Well, he got real big on travel a few years back where he took like three solid months off where he didn't do any comedy. He left his laptop at home. He brought, I think he brought a flip phone and he just traveled and no one can get in touch with him oh yeah yeah didn't he go to like china yeah he went all over the place he went all through asia stayed in hostels like okay he likes that he asked me to go to bonnaroo with him this year

i was like dude i'm not going to a fucking it's gonna be 95 degrees with just hippies and tents where's bonnaroo i think tennessee right yeah that's his vibe i don't like i'm not going to be 95 degrees with just hippies and tents. Where's Bonnaroo? I think Tennessee, right? Yeah. That's his vibe. I don't like that. I'm not going to a fucking tent. Yeah, he likes taking Molly and hanging out with weirdos. I like taking Molly.

And hanging out with weirdos? Yeah, I don't like the weirdos. In fact, I take Molly. I want to be alone. Yeah. But yeah. It's, he's, you know, he's living the life of a free man, you know I mean he like I don't think I know anybody who values freedom

Yeah, like that like Ari does because he values freedom above Like freedom from everything freedom from the best job in the world like even though stand-ups the best job in the world. He'll take Months off of his schedule not I'm not doing anything. I'm not doing any podcast. I'm not doing anything I'm just gonna wander around with nobody by himself yeah it's not it's impressive i don't have that it's a weird instinct yeah you know well i think because it's from uh when he was a kid leaving the whole jewish thing he's probably you know he's probably accustomed to losing his entire community for people who don't know he lived uh what is it it's not a kibbutz right is that what it was he lived somewhere in israel where they they read

the talmud like 12 hours a day and they did chores and he was in like a religious retreat they're amish yeah basically yeah jewish amish and then uh they realized or he realized like fuck this like what am i doing this is bullshit strength that that takes to be like, oh, my God. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah. This takes massive balls. Yeah. He has those, too.

Mm-hmm. Just saw them. Legitimately. Yeah. They were, like, shockingly low hanging. What's going on there? Yeah. The shirt's good, though.

Yours? Yeah, this is good. Okay, I'm fine with it. This is good stuff. I'd wear it for a goof. Yeah. I could's good, though. Yours? Yeah, this is good. Okay, I'm fine with it. This is good stuff. I'd wear it for a goof. Yeah. I could wear that shirt. You should.

Yeah. Start wearing golf stuff. Yeah, why not? People would think, oh, I told you he was Republican. Oh, yeah, true. Which one of them match that hat you like? Which hat? The golf hat.

Which one? The one that Billboard made funny. Oh, my Little Rascals hat. That's a golf hat. Is that what it is? Yeah. It's a Paperboy hat. Yeah. It's a golf hat. Payne it is yeah it's a paper boy hat yeah there's a golf pain stewart used to wear oh yeah yeah yeah okay yeah a jeff cap yeah right yeah there you go yeah yeah yeah my dad wears those it's pretty funny

yeah those are my favorite hats so we all have weird tastes i don't know i like them they look good on my fat round head do they yeah if i had here, I'd put it on so you could see. He'd be like, nice. Yeah, I'd have to be like, oh, of course I would. I'm not going to be like, you look like a fucking idiot. I'm nervous, dude. Of course I'll be like, yeah, everything you do is great. Well, we need more of these.

Cheers. Yeah, true. Cheers, man. A couple more of these. So, are you still living in New York? I am. You liking it out there? I mean, the only thing I like is doing stand up

It's the only thing I do I just hang out Uber to the club You had some funny shit last night man Oh thank you very much It was a lot of fun These two nights have been really fun Yeah they've been awesome man You too I've been

It's good You're still out there swinging like that? Yeah you gotta swing Bro I was standing in the back with Ari And you started going And I was looking him like joe's gonna get in trouble yeah you get in trouble yeah yeah i mean some people are gonna get mad but it's comedy you know the people that aren't mad are having a great time i mean we saw we just did two nights in a row everybody's having a great time and these shows at vulcan that we've been doing on Tuesday and Wednesday nights,

they sell out like instantly. Yeah. And it's fun. It's awesome in there. Everybody's enthusiastic. Great crowds. Austin's amazing. I fucking love it here.

Austin's cool. The area around there, I don't like. It's a little sketchy. A lot of homeless. Yeah. Well, it's not well regulated. No. And these knuckleheads decided to defund the police,

which is a super unwise move. It gets weird down there. It's like Bonnaroo out there, dude. It was just intense and on drugs. But you know what? Relatively speaking, it's exciting. Yeah, you got a fucking

driver and a bodyguard, dude. And you do karate. Yeah, it's fun. I'm walking around just like, dude, I'm going to get fucked up here. Don't walk around. You're supposed to- You got to walk around. Get from the parking lot into the structure, and then from the structure into the parking lot, and then we vacate the area.

That's what you do. That's what I wanted. Yeah, you secure the perimeter of the area with security. Yeah, I like doing comedy in fucking Fallujah. What the fuck, dude? It's part of the fun. It is fun. It is fun.

It is. Until it's not. Until it's not, yes. One day, somebody's not gonna have fun. Yeah, yeah. But that's like part of what the fun is.

True. You cannot have light without dark. You cannot have sunshine without rain. If you have sunshine all the time, you have California

and everybody's fucked up. They don't know what to do because they're baffled because it's like someone who stays up for five days in a row you lose the cycle there's no cycle so you get confused you need a little winter you need a little sun you need a little cold you need a little little bit of everything you can't just only eat cake you fuck you can't just eat that's what like california people are doing they're just eating cake you know but even california California now, they're recognizing Los Angeles is hitting a massive crime wave. Fucking crime is everywhere.

I know so many friends who their apartments have been broken into, their cars have been broken into, they've been robbed. So many people are getting robbed there. It's just a totally different situation. And that makes it more dangerous dangerous but it also makes it more exciting more fun yeah Philly's doing that too like Burr was saying we did Saturday Night Live and we did that sketch or that opening monologue rather and he talked about what's his name that got punched the little dude yeah yeah the guy from I shrunk the kids what the fuck's his name? Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis. They punch Rick Moranis.

He goes, New York's back, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a rough one, dude. Yeah. Rick took one on the chin. Yeah, he, out of nowhere, for no reason, someone just sucker punched him. But that's what happens when you have all this. You shouldn't have shrunk those fucking kids.

That's probably that homeless guy probably saw that. Maybe. He got mad. I don't like people playing with my kids. Right. Probably. It's all this crazy rhetoric I don't like people playing with my kids. Right. Probably. It's all this crazy rhetoric.

White people are terrible rhetoric. We just love to run up to random whiteys and punch them. Yeah. That's good though.

Keeps our head on a swivel a little. Maybe. It's time for the whiteys to start. When you're 60 years old and you don't know karate.

True. And you're Rick Moranis. True. It's probably not the best. Just getting leveled yeah and that like that guy's not gonna recover from that well no you know he's not mark yeah

yeah he'll be a little bad rick he'll bounce back rick's tough dude what do you know about i don't know anything about chin i'm just taking a guess i don't think so he went down pretty quick it was a sneak shot it was a sneak shot that dude. It was a sneak shot. That's true. Yeah. You can see his instincts kick in a little. Really? You think so? A little covering up?

Yeah, if you watch it close, you'll see Rick. I thought that was like a seizure. No, he definitely did not. He did not react at all, dude. He got leveled. A day later, he was like, what happened? Yeah. Yeah.

Tim told me, Dylan told me that he was in uh time square and he felt like he was being hunted he's like dude he goes uh it's so dangerous there now it used to be like so easy to walk and now you're walking through the streets you feel like a victim yeah yeah it's it's yeah it's crazy but i just moved there i moved there like a year before covid started oh really yeah from where uh philly oh that's where you're from? Yeah. No, I'm from Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. Where'd you start doing stand-up? The first open mics I did were at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone.

My parents used to live in Harrisburg. What? Yeah. Yeah, that's where I started. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, they moved to Harrisburg for a while. They lived in Harrisburg and they lived somewhere else out there. There was another real rural area of Pennsylvania. I'm like, people that think of Pennsylvania,

they think of Philly. You think of Pennsylvania, you think of Pittsburgh. You think Philly, you think cities. You're out there, you just smell cow shit, and you see deer everywhere. Lancaster, PA, a lot of Amish. Mechanicsburg's. It was white trash.

It's getting a little more, it's getting gentrified. Is it? Yeah. Well, people are spreading out Yeah You know I think that's one thing That happened with COVID People are moving out of cities

You know In a lot of places There's still plenty of people In cities obviously But a lot of folks are like Do I need to do this? I can work from home Yeah

Yeah that'd be nice I think that's the plan Eventually For you? Like to get good enough At stand up to do like what Nate Bargatze is doing, just living in fucking Tennessee.

Nashville. Just traveling, yeah. Or you could live out here. This is the move. I don't know, man. You don't like it out here? No, I like it. It's fine.

I like the Northeast. Yeah. I do. I get it. And I just got in at the Cellar and all that, so. Yeah. I want to do that for a while. Well, you could always just travel around, too.

You could always just get a condo. Guys like Tim that have places out here they could stay at. I would buy a comedy condo, but I do not trust comedians. For the club, I would have a condo out here where comics could stay, but they will ruin it. They will ruin it. They'll punch a hole in the wall and piss on it and then show me a video. I'm like, what are you doing?

Come on, man. You're rich. Come on, dude. That's it. The fuck was funny? I swear to God, before I came here, me and Ari were talking about that. It was funny. We're staying at Tim's place. We're like, we should just fucking destroy this house.

That's what I'm saying. And if it's mine, they probably will. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I would never do that. I know you wouldn't. But some guys would. Some guys might. Yeah. Some guys for sure will. But they that i know you wouldn't but some guys would

some guys might yeah some guys they don't know you know fucking karate they know fuck them up they don't care just a leg and then they'll be happy then you they'll sue you and then they'll make even more true i dare you to fucking leg kick like all i did was make a video pissing in a hole in his wall whatever what's this guy's problem tell me he hasn't done that before you ever piss in a hole in the wall? If I had a hole in someone's wall and I was drunk and it was funny and somebody had a camera, I'd probably do it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Because you think you're never going to get that piss out of the wall. Yeah. I had a friend that did that. He was at a house party and he got in a fight and then he went and punched a hole in the wall and threw up in it. John Nunn, what up, bro? I think he's trying to have a career right now. What's he having a hole in the wall and threw up in it. John Nunn, what up, bro? I think he's trying to have a career right now. What's he having a career in? I think actually film. He does.

He can only help. Yeah, he'll be fine. Yeah. But that was a good start. I think he got stabbed too at this party. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's a real party. Yeah, he had a party.

Punching a hole in a wall after losing a fight and throwing up in it. Have you ever been at a party where a full melee brawl breaks out? Like a bunch of, yeah, yeah, in college. I was in one just when I graduated high school. There was a kid who was, I think he was from Iran, and his family had a lot of money, and they had a mansion in Beacon Hill. I think it was in Beacon Hill. I'm trying to remember.

I don't know, but it was in Beacon Hill. I'm trying to remember. I don't know. But it was somewhere in the Newton, Massachusetts area where they have a lot of money. And this kid just invited everybody over to his house. So all these people that he didn't know. Hundreds of kids were at this guy's party. And this girl, I still to this day can't remember what she did. She either threw a drink in a guy's face or she hit him. I can't remember what happened, but I was there

when the first spark started the fire. I was, I remember exactly where I was. There was like a staircase and there was like this banister and I was watching it from here and I saw I don't remember, I think she threw a drink at him and this dude

just fucking uncorks a picture perfectperfect right hand on her face. A lady? Bam! Punched her. Her head snaps back. She goes out. She falls back. And then madness.

Yeah. And then madness. And then there's fucking people jumping on people and smashing things and throwing people over stairs. Yeah. And I'm like fucking ducking, and I make my way out. There's stairs and yeah and I'm like fucking ducking and I make my way out there's piles of people I'm looking for my friends it was wild it was pre Twitter that's how they handle things oh yeah yeah yeah it was way pre

this is like the 80s it was wild yeah I'll never forget it it's just like all of a sudden you could feel it in the air like people just looking to punch people it's like something happens to people when yeah when there's like a mob mentality thing like people were just looking to punch people. It's like something happens to people when there's a mob mentality thing. People were just looking to punch people. You could tell. People didn't even know anybody. They were just looking at you like, maybe I'll punch you. You're like, hey, I'm trying to get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, whose side are you on? Yeah, no sides. Get me the fuck out of here. I snuck through it without getting hit, and I got outside, and friends of mine were in piles. These piles of people fighting random piles of other people. The last one is in high school. We got in a group fight. I went to the

Catholic high school, the public high school. We, we decided to meet to fight and I guess half their guys didn't show up to the fight. So me and yeah, we just jumped them. How many kids? Uh, it was probably like, we were probably about 20 to 30 deep. They were probably like 10. My one friend, my one friend, Bison, dude, he was like, you have a friend named Bison. Yeah. This is nickname. He's going to be very happy when he hears this. He was a big guy. He was way out of high school. He was like 24. He showed up. He started doing wrestling moves to these kids. He had a kid in a lion tamer Put him in the walls of Jericho Kid was crying

That's child abuse That was yeah he should face Charges Someone should call his mom at least Yeah but it was funny because a lot of the kids who were like afraid to fight That were with us like my friends Were like kind of hiding it was at night So they're like hiding in the dark

And then once one kid from the other school went down, they'd all swarm and start kicking him in the face and shit. Jesus Christ. My mentality is real. That's the Walls of Jericho. Yes, that's what happened. That's what he meant. Now, imagine a 25-year-old man who's, like, 350 pounds.

So, MMA fighter used the Walls of Jericho to win a match? That's Chris Jericho. That's his name. Right, right, right. But what MMA fighter used that to win a match? Jericho, that's his name. Right, right, right. But what MMA fighter used that to win a match? Oh, no, no, in his fight. No, no, no. See, it says MMA fighter used... Oh, Jesus Christ, I didn't see that.

Jamie? Jamie's blind. I wasn't looking at the screen. Who the fuck used that in a fight? If you used that in a... Oh, my God, it really did. No. Whoa. Oh, my God. That works, man. That's tremendous pressure on your back. Oh my god. That works, man. That's tremendous pressure on your back. That's crazy.

Yeah, I saw it happen to a guy. He cried. So they're calling it a Boston Crab? Is that a Boston Crab? Let's see, dude, you're tagged in that. I know. I asked for a long time ago. That's hilarious. Look, it says Jamie Vernon. 197 weeks ago. Wow. Look at that.

That seems like it would hurt. Like, legit work. And once someone has your legs in that position and they've got their center of gravity over your lower back, you're not really getting out of that. I don't see how to get out of that. Like, if you get to that position right there, you're kind of fucked. Every single younger brother on earth has had that happen to them. It's like you shouldn't ever get to that spot.

But if someone does get you to that spot, I'm trying to think of how you would get out of that. I don't think there's a clear way out of that. Because the way your body is bent, like you would have to figure out a way to rotate, but you're not gonna rotate with full hold of your legs like that, and then someone leaning on your back, and you trying to turn you're fucked yeah that might be like the ultimate finishing move it's just pain though yeah think about that it's like it's not going to take you out that just going to hurt that could fuck you that could fuck your spine up right no i don't think so i think it just puts your spine in a very bad position where it hurts a lot yeah here it is

is this the same fight or a different one i think i think it's the same thing because it just puts your spine in a very bad position where it hurts a lot. Yeah. Here it is. Is this the same fight or a different one? I think it's the same thing because it just was like a cleaner video of it. Oh, yeah. Nope. Different guy. Different guy. This is another guy doing it.

Sure. I think so because he stuck his tongue out. I think that guy did it too. Oh, really? No, you're right. You're right. Look at the shorts. Same color shorts. Yep, that's him. They're right. Look at the shorts. Same color shorts.

Yep, that's him. They just didn't have the full video. That's crazy that he did that. Because once you get into that position, like when someone has both of your legs tucked under the arms like that, I don't know what you're going to be able to do. You know what this is? This is a guy who's way better. The guy in the blue, he's way better, and the other guy's already done.

Yeah, he did a wrestling move to him. He decides to have some fun. He's tapping. You have to tap from that. The key is to never let yourself get into that position. Shout out to that fella, whoever he is. Yeah, he should have not gotten in the ring. John O'Mears.

John O'Mears? John O, J-O-N-N-O is his first name. John O. John O'Mears, yeah. Congratulations, John O. So that's a Boston Crab, or is that the Walls of Jericho? What's the difference? I think both.

I think it's Chris Jericho doing it makes it the Walls of Jericho, otherwise it's a Boston Crab. Oh, yeah, makes sense. Shout out to the other guy, too. Congratulations on reliving the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a gigantic platform. It's not the worst way to get tapped. What?

Yeah. No, there's worse ways, for sure. Wrist locks. Oh, yeah. People get so sad when someone catches them for a wrist lock. Jesus Christ. A wrist lock in an MMA fight is a very embarrassing moment. Yeah, it's embarrassing because it hurts like hell.

You will tap. In jiu-jitsu, it's the most embarrassing way to get tapped, if somebody gets you in a wrist lock. Really? Yeah. I thought the most embarrassing is getting tapped by a girl, right? That happens. And that happens to everybody that does jiu-jitsu.

Yep, 100%. Yeah. They always show up early and they're like, I'll be pretty good at this and then pair you up with a girl Then I'll fucking tap Behind your back tucking the shit out. Yeah, you're like I thought I'd be into this. Oh It's humiliating when you find out a woman can kill you It's very sad a woman who weighs less than you who's weaker than you but she can kill you. Yeah easily

I don't want to find out multiple times. Yeah, like Duncan I got Duncan a year of jjitsu once for Christmas, and he went to classes, and he was doing it with his girl, and she was new. She wasn't even an expert. They were starting together. They were both starting together, and she was strangling him. And I was like, oh, Duncan, we got to work on this. No.

No, just get out of the sport. It's not for you. He's like, dude, she just killed me. Yeah, you got to go on this no just get out of the sport it's not for you he's like dude she just killed me yeah you got to go home yeah he he eventually decided it was not for him he could have stuck with it though he would have figured it out and then one day beat a girl no beat guys you move from girls to guys i guess look i don't i don't do that stuff when i started there was very few women doing it. Very few.

It was really, really rare. I remember football when I was a kid. Like, when we were very young, there'd be girls. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wild. I remember that, yeah. Those girls are wild.

They were. Any girl willing to play tackle football with boys? Yeah. Holy shit. And then once, you know, then we all hit puberty and they couldn't. Yeah. They couldn't play. But there was some.

There was some lingering around. Some giant lesbians. Did you see that giant transgender woman that's playing rugby in Australia? No. She probably rules. Yeah. She's the king. She's the king.

She's the king. She's a 250 pound man. She's a truck of people. She's Simone? No. She's a white guy. Oh, man. She's a white guy. You're just trucking people. She's Simone? No, she's a white guy. Oh, man. She's a white guy.

You ever seen it? Show the video. The video is hilarious. They're always so funny. I don't even know if this person's undergone any transition because we've gotten to this super preposterous point where you could just say you're a woman. You don't have to do anything. Like, there was a thing about a woman getting arrested for child molestation.

Yeah. to do anything like there was a thing about a woman getting arrested for child molestation yeah and uh i'll send the video because i'm gonna i'm gonna send you this that's what teachers jamie but no no you have to see this because this woman has a beard yeah look at this shit look at that come on look at the size of that male human being who was playing rugby against women. I mean, hilarious, right? Great tits, though. Yeah, really good tits. Pretty hot. They did good there. Brand new. Some nice tits you've got. Yeah, I'm going to send you this, Jamie. Hold on a second. Damn, look at the mitts on that.

So, I just sent it to you jamie yeah that's a large person to be playing rugby against women and i would say that that was probably an unfair decision but who am i just to i'll tell you what gently Just gently this. Woman charged after allegedly sexually assaulting boy six in Toronto Park. Woman with stubble, a crew cut, the most manly face, like a square jaw. That's a fucking male human being. His name is Ruby. Ruby Ebby. Okay. It's a woman.

It's a woman. But look at the title. The title says woman. Yeah. Shouldn't they at least say woman with a penis who also has a stubble, also has a beard? They don't even say anything about the person being transgender. It's so hilarious. We've gone through the looking glass where everything's nuts.

She is charged with sexual interference with a person under the age of 16 and sexual assault. Is there any small chance that they just accidentally put the wrong picture up in the article? What do you think? Probably not, but it's happened before and they're just like, oops, we put the wrong...

What are you, working for the Toronto government? No, I'm just asking. I'm just asking. What's the matter with you? What is the matter with you? You don't support the six year old boy? That's what I'm saying Yeah bro, you are a pro molester It's just the fact that

The teachers should do that The male teachers that get in trouble for hooking up with kids To say they're women Yeah, you get a way lighter sentence Yeah Women who molest boys I retract To say they're women? You should be like, I actually identify as a woman. Yeah, you get a way lighter sentence. Yeah. Yeah. Women who molest boys, everybody's like, hmm, what's a woman? I retract.

I've now Googled the name. I see it everywhere. Yeah. I was just checking. That looks, if I had to bet, guy or girl, I mean, I'm leaning heavily towards guy. On that woman? On Ruby? Yeah, on Ruby, the guy, or the girl, the woman.

I'm going to take her word for it. Wow, you're amazing. You're so open-mindedminded i don't care what she's done in the past yeah right like why should we judge walk a mile in her shoes that's another thing they're trying to do now they're trying to say that that's a sexual orientation and that being a pedophile is actually a sexual orientation no technically it is i've seen i guess technically it that. It's just a bad one. It's the worst one. It's the worst one you can do. Yeah. I've seen like, we talked about it recently. I saw a professor

talking about how a woman, uh, or a man rather, could have a sexual consenting relationship with a 13 year old. And I was like, what in the fuck are you saying? Maybe he's a Viking.

Maybe it's a guy with no kids. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Cause you have no kids. You think stupid shit because you think, you think it makes you sound progressive.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't, that's a tough one to get to through being progressive. That's a tough one. Yeah. I don't know, man.

People can make some fucking weird mental leaps and gymnastics. They, they, they can justify some wacky shit. There's also some people that are just a real contrarian They just want things to be okay, even if they're not okay, so they'll argue for it as an intellectual exercise You know yeah for sure they do it's fucking strange That'd be a tough one to present though like be, no, this is how I feel. I think pedophiles You would say that, but we are so through the looking glass with so many things

that really are preposterous that I'm not sure if that's the case anymore. You know, like the idea that you can't be racist if you're a person of color. It's not possible. Yeah. Because race has something to do, it has something to do with power. Like, okay. that's not true. That's not true.

Of course. Yeah, we know that. We know it's not true. They know it's not true too. We've literally seen it and experienced it. They know it's not true too, but they're counting on the fact that the people that say this, first of all, they're all people of color, so they're in a protected class, or they're white people who feel extra guilty, so they want you to feel bad.

And so they want to show you that they're on the side, the good side. They're on the side of people that are anti-racist. The thing about the white people, or the people of color can't be racist, is because you call a white person, like, whatever, cracker. We're like, whatever. But they found a loophole, and it's to call us racist. That one hurts. That does hurt. That's like our N word

That is Someone's like you're racist What did you say about me? It's even worse because it makes you feel guilty Sure Because if someone calls you a bad word Like a negative stereotype about your race They're the piece of shit not you

If someone calls you a racist Now you have to defend yourself Against being a piece of shit Yeah it's tough I've been there It's a tough one to defend against what was your experience like the whole snl debacle thing what was that like uh it's very very crazy i don't know it's tough to there's not many people that have you can even talk to about it you know because it fucks you up a little. It makes you, like, not trust people and shit for a while. Like, in what way?

I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. But back to the main, the experience of it was, like, you just, it was kind of surreal. Because I went from, I was one of the first people to get, like, canceled or however you want to say it, consequences. However. Yeah. However you want to say it. It doesn't

matter what we call it it is what it right but uh i was one of the first people to go from i was doing i was poor i was not famous at all i was poor and then i got canceled immediately like that was my thing like right it was a very different experience and then yeah most people that get canceled or yeah you got canceled on the way? I got canceled immediately. Yeah. They literally were like, how about this guy? And everyone was like, no.

So you got cast on SNL. Yes. And then what happened? So I found out I was getting on SNL the day before they announced it. I got a call. They're like, hey, we want to put you on the cast. The whole time I was, we'll start from the top. My agents and all those people, they were like, do you want to write?

Do you want to send a packet in for SNL? And I was like, no. I'm not going to be a writer. I'm never going to. I won't work on that show. And then I guess they saw me at JFL and Comedy Central thing, and they were like, we like him, we want him to audition. He can come straight in to audition.

So I went straight to the main stage for the audition. And the whole time leading up to it, I was like, I'm never going to get this. I don't care. I want to do stand-up. I kind of hated SNL at that point. Because every sketch was like, you know, you know what it is. And then I was like, I'll never fit in there and then when we when you go to audition it's just you just wait your turn in a green room and they keep you there extra long for like two or three hours to like make

you nervous really but I knew I was certain I was never gonna get it and I really wasn't nervous I was in there fucking dipping hanging out and then they, all right, it's your turn to go. But that's when the nerves hit. Like you walk in and you see the main stage. Cause that's what you audition on is like the stage. Wow. And it's a totally empty studio. The whole room's empty except for a table of like writers and producers and Lorne Michaels. And then you go on and they're like three, two, go do five minutes. Wow. In front of just a camera, right?

And are you doing standup? I did standup. Wow. I did five minutes of standup. That's all. And then I ran into Michael Che that night and I was like, I was so nervous. Like I was so nervous when I was auditioning that I had to like hold the mic against my chin because my hand was fucking shaking.

It was crazy. There's no one in the room. You just have to do stand-up for five minutes to no one. That's so weird. It was so weird. And you're not supposed to look at or acknowledge the table of writers and producers or whatever. Why?

They have rules? They have rules that your agents tell you. They never told you any rules. So your agent says, do not look at the writers. Yeah, they're like, don't even acknowledge them. Pretend the room's full. Just go. And everybody was like, they're never going to laugh.

The table, Lorne, all them, they're not going to laugh. First thing I said, they all started laughing. And I was like, I was supposed to not acknowledge them. But, you know, I was doing stand-up. Do you remember what you said? No, I don't. Genuinely. You just did a bit.

Yeah, I was nervous. But as soon as they started laughing, I don't. Genuinely. You just did a bit. Yeah, I was nervous. But as soon as they started laughing, I was like, and then went back to, you know what I mean? I was looking at them. I could see they were laughing. I was told the whole time, no one's going to laugh. They were laughing. I was like, oh, fuck. I did pretty good. Ran into Che that night. I was like, ah, I sucked. I was nervous. He was like, no, you were, that was good. Then a couple of days later,

you get a call back and you go into the office and you meet everybody and you walk around and talk to everybody. And the people I was with that were also doing that, then you go into Lorne Michael's office to meet him. So the three people I was with, they all went in slowly, met him, left. One guy didn't even get invited in they just sent him home which is fucked up they invited him to the callback and then we're like no never mind wow and then they kept me there for an extra like hour by myself and i was just sitting there like oh fuck i got this like i'm gonna be on it like this is i can't believe i got this i wasn't even excited i was just like this is wild this is fucking nuts and then I go in and meet

with Lorne and he's the man he's a nice guy and he was like I'm gonna use you but I don't know how and like all that shit and then time passes and I figured they were gonna ask me to be a writer cause that's usually how it goes usually you work

on the show to experience what the show's like but I don't know I didn't want to be a writer That's usually how it goes. Yeah. Usually you work on the show to experience what the show's like. But I don't know. I didn't want to be a writer. By all accounts, that place is a den of thieves. Everybody. Yeah. A den of thieves. You hear Jim Brewer's account of the climate in that place.

Yeah. And it's horrific. Yeah. They're all stealing from writers. They're stealing from performers. If you're a writer and you submit your packages the higher-up writers will steal your shit according to Brewer yeah if you submit a package they own that package even if they don't

hire you I know that so if you have some great premises they decide they're just gonna take your premises and not hire you they they own all those bits yeah it's crazy I mean yeah I don't I don't i don't i don't care about writing i didn't want to be a writer right so i was like if even if they offer me the writing thing i was like i don't want to take it i think i would have at the time but anyway they they asked me to go straight to cast so i was like yeah i'll definitely do that lauren calls says hey we want to use you on the show. We're going to announce it tomorrow.

He was like, do you have anything you want us to check out? Like, they have people that vet you. Right. But they're not used to people having podcasts. Right. So they'd have to go through hundreds of hours of shit. They go through your Facebook, your Instagram, your Twitter. I was just like, I'll just delete all that shit. I don't care.

Delete it all. Right. But I was like, I also have a podcast. And they're like, yeah, what's that? And I was like, I'll just delete all that shit. I don't care. Delete it all. Right. But I was like, I also have a podcast. And they're like, yeah, what's that? And I was like, I don't know. I say like gay and retard a lot. They were like, oh, that's fine. Don't worry about it. So I was like, all right, we'll see. And so the day they announced it, it was cool. It was very cool. You hear from everybody you've ever grown up with. They're all like, holy shit. I can't believe you're on this.

So that lasted for about three hours before an article came out that was like, here's what this guy says. There's a clip of me saying something. You know, unsavory stuff. Yeah. But talking shit. It was the one podcast we ever filmed. That's the one they used. Wow.

And it just happened. And it was funny, too, because people were like, man, they really had to dig to find this. I was like, that's probably like three minutes in. We had one podcast online, and it was three minutes in. Well, it's what we were saying earlier. That's what podcasts are, and that's what comics do a lot. We talk shit. It doesn't mean you really mean those things,

but the idea today is that talking shit is not real. They want to take out-of-context phrases and sentences that you've used and put them in quotes and make you look like a monster. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It was only one article that came out? No, there was quite a few. So many articles.

I think I was number one on Twitter for out? No, there was a- Quite a few? So many articles. I was, I think I was number one on Twitter for like three straight days. Wow. Of just getting fucking eviscerated. Did you read it all? Oh, I read all of it. Oh, no. Yeah, everybody was like, stop reading comments. I still read comments.

Do you? I read every comment. Why? I don't know. Oh. It's fucked up, and it's crazy, too, because I'll read like 90 good ones, and then one bad one. The one bad one will fuck you up

just depends which one it is right you know i'll get called like uh you know fat retard constantly i'll be like yeah whatever i can i can walk through that no problem right but then there'll be one that's like he's nervous like something something where they get you where they they know you yeah like he laughs at his own jokes on every podcast it's like oh fuck do i shit right anyway so i get all that stuff comes out and it was funny this is funny i went into lauren's lauren michael's office and he was talking and i was convinced i was getting fired like i knew i was getting fired because if they didn't get me on that, there's so much more. So much worse. And so he was talking to me and he was like, no, we think we can.

He's like, if we just get you to the first episode, like people will see you're not a piece of shit person. Right. Just talk. And I was like, whatever. If I just, if I get fired here, whatever, I'll just go do Joe Rogan next week and I'll be fine. Anyway, I thought that was funny. No?

What? I was like, I literally thought that. Oh, okay. Yeah, I thought it would be funny. Well, it could have been funny. Yeah. I was booked up, though. No, it was fine.

It was just funny to truly. That was a conversation I actually had. Really? In Lorne Michaels' office in the middle of that. That's fine. It was just funny to truly, that was a conversation I actually had. Really? In Lorne Michaels' office in the middle of that. That's hilarious. I was in pure fucking panic. Terror? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. Because I remember somebody contacting me to have you on. And I was like, I don't have any room. I could do an emergency podcast, but I'm like, let me let this dude ride this out yeah and then we'll do one eventually truly glad that that did not happen because i would have come in emotional i would have come in like guns blazing isn't fair right and i never felt that way like the whole time i was like i kind of get it when someone gets really canceled you need perspective yeah you need you know what it's like it's like you need

that venom to work its way through your system and then you develop a certain amount of immunity to the actual moment yeah absolutely yeah yeah it was it ended up being a good thing so when Lauren pulls you in the office and says we just have to get you to the stage we just have to get you to an episode then what happens it just it just kept it just kept steamrollin like it never it didn't dissipate at all like it kept being like no you guys need to fire him and i get it because well that's where the fun is yeah the fun and going after someone is not going after someone and then

no consequences that makes them sad yeah what makes them happy so they can get you fired yeah and that's yeah they did they did. They did a good job. Yeah, good job, everybody. Yeah, and it's fine. Look, the whole time. Dude, here's why it's fine. Your sketches that you're doing, what is it, Gillian Keeves? Yeah.

Those are the best fucking comedy sketches that are on the internet right now. Thank you. I'm not bullshitting. The only thing that's at the same level is Kyle Dunnigan's shit. Oh, man. Kyle Dunnigan, the shit that he's doing. Oh, my God, dude. He'snigan, the shit that he's doing. He's got a massive advantage with that face swap, though.

And he's so good at fucking impressions. He's amazing. Have you seen the new thing that Dunnigan is doing? He's the fucking, what is it? He does a Fresh Prince takeoff with Biden. What is it called? Yeah, Fresh Prince of D.C. Yeah, something like that.

Fresh Prez. Yeah. Dude, it's tear jerking. Fresh Prince of DC. Yeah. Something like that. Fresh Prez. Yeah. Dude, it's tear jerking. His Bill Maher. Oh my God. It's incredible. New rule. Yeah.

It just, oh my God. And it's, there's something about it that it's almost got like a South Park-esque quality to it because it looks so fake, but it's obvious. It's like, it's like these things. Like, look how bad these look. Look at the little tiny hand he holds up for bill maher like the face swap thing is amazing it really is amazing because he's like look at the aoc because it looks so fake like you would never believe that that's the real person so it's comedic but it it's also the material is brilliant,

and you can get away with so much in someone else's voice when everybody knows it's not really that person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really one of the most genius platforms ever created. Yeah. And he's the master. Him and Kurt Metzger. Kurt is.

They're incredible. They're both, yeah. It's the best shit. Kurt's like one of my, he's one of my favorite comedians. But the shit you're doing is right up there with that. It's really fucking funny, man. It's really funny, and it's something you would never be able to do on SNL. The stuff you guys are doing.

How are you financing this stuff? I financed half, and then we had a production company that financed half. The Trump one was amazing. The Trump speed dating. Yeah, it's John McKeever. He's Keeves. He's incredible. Writer, director.

He writes all these edits and makes them. They're really good, man. Yeah. They're really good. Damn, I spazzed on that SNL story. No, you didn't at all. How do you spaz? It felt like it came out bad.

No, no, no. Look, it's an awkward story. It is. Here's what's uncomfortable about it is. I don't want to sound like it's weird for me to rail against cancel culture because I was a Victim of it for lack of a better word. You know what I mean? Why is it weird for you to rail again? I don't know. I don't know I just it makes me seems defensive. Yeah. Mm-hmm Yeah, I'd rather just be like look if people bring up cancel culture. I'm just like Honestly, I really believe it's better for you in the long run

I really do you're a brilliant comedian and I think your sketches are incredible and I think it's better that you not get attached to Something that's ultimately corrupting and I don't want to be on the other side of it where it's like I'm a free speech guy. I'm a fucking that it's like, dude, I don't want to be involved in any of this. I just want to do comedy. The free speech thing should be, it should just be uniform. Everyone who's involved in creative endeavors should understand context and nuance. Yeah. And when they don't, they're either being disingenuous or they're stupid.

It's one of two things. Either you don't agree with someone talking shit, which is fine. Maybe you don't like talking shit because you're a more serious person. Yeah. In which case comedy is the right venue for you. But you should, it's not the right, right? But you should also understand, you know what people are doing. And if you don't know what people are doing, you're either an idiot or you're an asshole.

doing you're you're either an idiot or you're an asshole you're either purposely trying to ignore subtlety and nuance and the fact that there's context to what people are doing and joking around joking around is a real thing and how come you can joke around about all sorts of stuff but you can't joke around about race like why not yeah how come why does that make you bad you can joke around about women you can joke you bad? You can joke around about women. You can joke around about men. You can joke around about your dick. You can joke around about anal sex. You can joke around about drugs.

You can't joke around about race. That's nonsense. Yeah. We're just so oversensitive, and we're so worried about being called out for stuff. That's why everybody's so scary. Yeah. They're like, ugh. Yeah, people get very afraid of getting called out.

And very afraid of not calling out and and very afraid of not calling out someone else because then silence is violence true true you just got to take a second like don't get caught up in it like uh like if i see other people fuck up and say something crazy even still my first reaction is like whoa what the fuck were they thinking right and then 20 minutes 30 minutes later i'll be like all, he was fucking around. I get it. Yeah. But there's still that instinct.

And then especially if you just see a clip and it's wild, you're going to be like, what the fuck was that? Like the Tony Hinchcliffe thing. Tony, Ari, all of us. Yeah. And every time you see it, the first time, Tony's a perfect example. First time I saw it, I was like, whoa, what the fuck?

But then you see the whole video. You see the whole thing? Oh, I see what he's doing. Exactly. And then you realize that guy opened for Tony. And you're like, oh. Yeah. And he did kill Tony multiple times.

You're like, oh, they're friends. That's just how people do it. Yeah. But people outside of our world don't understand. If someone, you know, if you introduce someone and they go on stage and they say thank you give it up for Shane that fucking loser that fat you're like hey bro what the fuck that's what people do that's what we do as comics and we fuck around it's talking shit and that's what Tony was doing and it was real clear if you saw

his whole set absolutely that not only was he fucking around but it actually worked yeah like it got laughs and it got laughs because the guy's whole set before him was talking about white people being mean to asians yes and he had this whole pandering thing it was like what i would really ask is please stop being mean to us or you know i'm paraphrasing whatever it was and then tony goes on right afterwards and says that horrible shit the worst things you could and it's funny yes that's why people laugh that's it it's not like a racist convention at vulcan gas company yeah it's true i mean that's all it is it's comedy it was comedy yeah and maybe it's not your kind of comedy that's okay too but don't pretend this is real thoughts like that's that's ridiculous this is uh the thing about joking around it's not your kind of comedy. That's okay too. But don't pretend this is real thoughts. That's ridiculous.

This is the thing about joking around. It's like it can be weaponized. It can be weaponized against you. I had people coming to shows, recording my sets, and then typing them out as if they were real. Yeah, well, I do that bit. I don't know if you saw it. The bit that I do about what happened when I endorsed Bernie Sanders where people were taking small pieces of stand-up bits and taking them out of context and using them to show what a piece of shit I am. It's like here's a joke.

Yeah. Clearly. And if you type out someone's stand-up or a podcast. Especially a segment of it. Just take the worst parts, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's intentional. It's just a podcast. Especially a segment of it. Just take the worst parts. You know? Yeah. Yeah, it's... It's intentional.

It's just... They're trying to get clicks. I don't even think half of them care. They're cunts. They care. They're all cunts. Anybody who's doing that's a cunt. Yeah.

They know what they're doing. Oh, they do. They do know what they're doing. They're taking things out of context. But I don't think... What I meant to say is they don't care. I meant to say they're not hurt by it. They're literally just like,

look at this, look at this. Oh, yeah. Like, here's wild shit. to say they're not hurt by it. They're literally just like, look at this, look at this. Oh, yeah. Here's wild shit. No, they're not hurt by what you're saying. No, they know what they're doing. What they're doing is they're intentionally taking something out of context and they're trying to make it something that it's not. There's a lot of range when people are saying things.

They don't necessarily, they're not trying to offend yeah you know when you're saying something in the context of comedy would ever try to really would be like all right i'm gonna go out there tonight and really say the worst thing i can think of to these people a guy who's gonna fail like them a failure yeah yeah those those comics that fail well though patrice always had the very best line about all this stuff he said if you think something is really funny or if you think something is offensive it comes from the same place a guy's just trying to he's just trying to have a bit work on stage and get laughs that's what they're doing and you never for people don't know when we create stand-up we really don't know

if something's going to be funny there's many times we have an idea and you're like fuck I hope this works yeah and you go up there and you swim. And every now and then it does. Yeah. And when it doesn't work, you got to go. Sometimes if you say something fucked up and it doesn't work, you got to be like, all right, my bad. Yeah. Everybody.

I've many times said, well, that's the last time I'll ever say that one again. And then you say it tomorrow. Yeah. You're like, all right, this crowd likes it, you motherfuckers. I knew last night was fucking pussies. So they don't fire you at first, but then it keeps piling on. Yeah, it was only like four days. But the whole time I knew I was getting fucking crushed.

Oh, and they make you, you have to put out a statement. And this was like within hours. Who makes you? SNL? NBC asked me to put out a statement. And the statement they send you is just fucking crazy. They wrote a statement for you? They were like, you've got to say it was inexcusable.

You've got to say all this stuff. Wow. And I was just like. Did you write it? No, my statement was bad, though. What'd you say? It's all right. Let me give you some context here.

Because it was. Hold on. One more? One more. I'm gonna have four more after that said I was gonna do your podcast joke

oh sorry about that I wasn't I thought that was going somewhere else that thing's been in my head for fucking five minutes

or however long it's been you know what's saving Private Ryan when he gets the ringing in his ears sorry I thought there was more to it

I was just like letting it hang there in the air I wasn't I like felt my face go flush I was like oh fuck

I blew it. Dude, go back and watch the tape on that. That's going to be rough. Well, I'm sorry I didn't give you enough. I was just hanging there. It was just funny how confident I was at the time of just like, I don't give a fuck, man. I'll go do Joe Rogan. The call never came.

I was like, fuck. I'm fucked. I was doing podcasts for a while being like, Rogan, help. Were you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that's one thing about me not paying attention to anything. That shit doesn't get back to me. I was just joking, obviously.

I never felt like I was entitled to anything like that. But it was fun to go on podcasts and be like, St. Rogi's, help, dude. We pray to St. Rogi's, dude. Descend and save me. You got to kind of just go through these things. I agree. In the end, one of the things that you and I have been talking about is that it made you stronger. It really did, right?

Definitely. It made your stand-up stronger. Absolutely. Like when people hear you, and I heard it last night, when they introduce you, and Tuesday night too, people go shithouse. They get nuts. They're happier there.

But for a while, what happens the first couple couple weeks or I was in New York too. So people are very, very uptight and you go on stage and then it's just in your head. Like you see people like whisper to each other and you're like, he's telling her who I am. She's going to be like everything you see. And you see the girl's face change. Like, yeah. And I mean, I was having dreams about fucking comments I was having like dude. It was

It was crazy. I'd have a dream about Comments or like tweets about the worst secret to my entire life being out there Oh, that's what happens people like post pictures of your family out families that you get people getting death threat You know my family's getting letters from fucking dudes. Oh, it's like we're gonna kill you and my family has no idea like what this is right right right we're getting death i was like death threats are nothing don't worry you're gonna be fine but like they're just in mechanicsburg right chilling fuck wow and this was the first thing they were like proud of you know my parents they don't know shit i'm like i got jfl they're like what the fuck's that right i got this i got this

they're like but then when you say like i'm on snl they're like finally we can be proud of this loser and then like four days later the whole world's like your son's a racist piece of shit oh my god yeah yeah oh my god that's who I felt bad for. So it lasts for four days. Four days. You put out the statement. What does the statement say, roughly? All right.

So they send you, they're like, hey, you need to apologize right now. You need to apologize. And I was like, can I just not apologize, please? Like, that's how this gets passed. If we say nothing, if we start interacting with this at all i'm fucked i'm dead so i didn't know an mbc producer was on this group text i was in i just got it from like an agent that was like you need to apologize i was like fuck them i'm not fucking apologizing i had no idea mbc was in the group text So it made me look like I was a baller. But as soon as I was like, oh, fuck.

I'm looking at my phone like, fuck, fuck, fuck, dude. I'm fucking. I mean, it's pure panic. Oh, my God. It's pure panic. And this, again, I'm going from zero. Like, no one knows who I am at all. Right.

To like the whole world is, I mean, it's crazy. Yeah. And then, so they asked me to put out a statement. I'm like, fuck no. I can't do that. It was a ridiculous statement. Inexcusable, growth, all that shit. Yeah. And then, uh, so they asked me to put out a statement. I'm like, fuck no, I can't do that. It was a ridiculous statement. Inexcusable growth, all that shit. Yeah. That's just wild. Yeah. And, uh, I talked to some comedians and they were like, how are you going to do stand up again? If you say this, like, how are you going to be able to go do comedy? Having just said everything

I said was inexcusable? From now on, everything you said is, you know what I mean? It's just disgusting. Everything you've done, you regret. And it's disgusting. And then I talked to Lorne. Lorne called. And he was like, just give me something.

Give me anything. Because I told him I couldn't do that. I was like, I can't do the sorry inexcusable thing. And he was like, just give me something, but I need it in the next 10 minutes Whoa, so I had fucking 10 minutes to write this thing. Oh my god, so I'm sitting there I mean, it's raining out. I was at the I was at the stand in New York I was like trying to do stand-up, so I go in and he's like or my manager was like

Just say you're a comedian that pushes boundaries and sometimes he saw my thing I tweet out was like, I'm a comedian that pushes boundaries. Fuck, that's so lame, dude. God damn it, I blew it. But yeah, I was like, sorry to anybody that's actually offended. That was never my thing. Because I didn't think anyone was actually offended. They probably really weren't. Almost no one.

Well, there was a few. Of course there are people that saw it that were like this bums me out that this word's getting thrown around yeah you know and i get that and i do i am sorry for that yeah no i believe you are yeah because that's not the way you meant to do it in the context yeah again it's a thing that people do they're just talking shit it's not real it's like you're saying something inappropriate on purpose yeah and the the only way you can do that is if the other person knows you're not racist yeah that's why it works it works because you're saying something that's

ridiculous i'm like what the fuck are you saying we're doing a podcast for 500 people yeah that's who that's how many people listen to this thing yeah. Yeah. Me and my friend Matt McCusker. What up, bro? What up, bro? I can't believe it took this long to shout him out. You would like Matt. I'm sure. You guys are the same guy.

Really? Yes. Everything you've said to me this week, I've heard from Matt. Like, dude, every single thing. Really? Yeah. You're like, you know humans were supposed to be like this? Like, you know we're supposed to be out gathering? Like, you know we're supposed to be out gathering?

Like, all that shit. That's fine. What the fuck was I saying? Who cares? You were at your statement. Oh, yeah. Ten minutes. Statement.

I had ten minutes. I put this thing together. It's okay. But it's one of those things where it's like you're caught up in this moment of like, this is huge, you're emotional. And in a couple of years, you're going to be embarrassed. Don't ever apologize. That's what I'm saying.

You can apologize for hurting people's feelings. For hurting people's feelings, certainly. You can still apologize for things you said. Don't issue a statement. Yeah. The problem with those statements is they're so grandiose, too. It's like when Jimmy Kimmel made a statement about doing blackface in the 90s it's like oh jammy yeah everybody knows they know that you were just doing carl malone they know you're not racist

like this you're appeasing to the worst humans yeah that's the problem is the people that want you to apologize for that stuff they're all sanctimonious shitheads who are just trying to take people down. They're not really thinking you're a bad person. No reasonable human being thinks Jimmy Kimmel's a bad person or a racist. That's ridiculous. They're looking for targets. They got a bag of rocks and they're looking at windows. That's what it is.

And, yeah, it's fun. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun to watch someone get fucking crushed. Oh, yeah. That's what people like. I like watching car accidents. Yeah, all the time. I watch, yeah, the worst things possible.

I watch that. And on Twitter, even today, even after it happened to me, I'll see it happening to someone else and be like, it's crazy. It is. But, you know, we were talking about Tony. When Tony goes on stage now, I'm telling you the round of applause this fucking guy gets is like double what used to happen. It's your fans. They cheer.

It's fans reassuring you. Yes. We like you. We know what you did wasn't, that wasn't you. Right. Like, we know that. We know it's just just you're just doing comedy you're fucking around and it might

might have been the wrong thing to say at the time but he probably had about five seconds to think about what he was going to say as he was walking to the stage and said I'm going to light these people up I like to think about like Tony right before he went on like looking at someone like watch this going on and just

what the fuck was that? It ruined his life. Ruining his life for a full week. Yeah. No, mine was for a couple months. I got fucking drilled by that. But, yeah, it's just very, it's a very surreal thing. How long before you went on stage again?

I went on stage that night. I did shows at the stand Wow yeah cuz that was and that was the only place that I wouldn't have been freaking out right right like it was at a comedy club right like I didn't want to go home and sit in my apartment alone oh yeah it would have been crazy that's crazy what was it like the moment you went on stage like knowing all this shit is happening place went? The place went crazy. Really? Yeah. Isn't that wild? Well, it was the biggest story at the time.

So everyone in the room was like, it was my first, it was the only time I've ever experienced like what it must be like to be famous and do stand up as like a drop in. And then after time, it's funny because after time everybody forgets what happened. Yeah. Did you address it? Yeah. That's all I talked about. I mean, it was happening. Yeah. Yeah. While I was ons what happened. Yeah. Did you address it? Yeah. That's all I talked about. I mean, it was happening. Yeah, yeah.

While I was on stage. Fuck. Yeah. And it happened. It was fun. And it lasted for months? Yeah. How long before they fired you?

How many days was it? Four, maybe. And so what was the decision? Like, how did they explain it? I knew it was. I was the one that was like, you guys are going to fire me. Like, it's okay. I get it. I wasn the one that was like you guys are gonna find me Like it's okay I get it I wasn't even like fuck them

I should have my job I was like I get it I said something fucked up This is a corporation It's SNL you can't Now if it wasn't me I'd probably Be defending me But because it was me I was like I said it whatever

Keep making your fucking show yeah i don't know i don't know how to describe it it's weird it's weird defending yourself i don't know maybe i gotta improve my self-worth no you know ultimately, look, life is filled with these weird trials and moments of revelation and ways you understand things. And the best way to understand consequences is to really have a moment where the walls come tumbling down. And when you come out on the other end and you don't think you're ever going to, because there had to be times where you didn't think you were going to come out on the other end and you don't think you're ever going to because there had to be times where you didn't think you were going to come out on the other end yeah but when you do you just like there's a feeling of levity it's lifted off for sure for sure yeah it's also the the embracing of the importance of stand-up comedy like the real raw nightclub stand up. That was the best. That was, there's been two times I've like loved stand up comedy. One was I went through a breakup after a long time and I was fucking devastated.

I dated this girl for like six years and then I went and did stand up that night and like almost cried. Like I just, cause it was the first time I was happy after going through a breakup and I was like, damn, I love this. Same thing with that. I was happy after going through a breakup, and I was like, damn, I love this. Same thing with that. Like while you're getting fucking crushed by everybody, you can go out and do stand-up and people are like, you guys like me. Everyone else hates me. It's a wild art form, man.

It's fun. It's so fun just to watch still. I've been doing it for more than 30 years, and someone goes up and kills. I have a great time. I'm loving it. Yeah, there's nothing better yeah it's the best thing to watch there's nothing better than someone killing no there's nothing better nothing better when you don't know their material too yeah never seen them before and they're just lighting a room

on fire with really interesting shit yeah yeah it's um it's better man it is because like if you're contained inside that saturday night structure, no disrespect to anybody that is, but you're not as free. You're going to be more reserved. You're going to hold back. Definitely. Yeah, there's that, for sure. I think I would have done well, though. On the show?

You would have killed it. I think that's what bothers me the most, because people like to—here's one thing that I noticed, that people that do the canceling or attack people on twitter however you fucking want to call it uh they like to like vindicate themselves by being like no one gets canceled they love saying that what does that mean they're always like cancel culture is not real it's like of course it's real i mean i lost i lost my job yeah what does that mean but they they like to be like, nah, you're doing better now. He's better now. It's like, you're the one who got me fucked.

You can't fuck someone over like that and then be like, ah, you're fine. Well. It's like a real big brother thing. You ever like. Yeah. You know. Stop crying. You're fine.

And they like to say like SNL couldn't have used me or wouldn't have used me. They would have been like, ah, he would have been a waste on there anyway. It's like, I think I could have been good. You would have been great. But you would have never had the kind of freedom that you are doing your sketch show now, that you have rather. For sure. Your sketch show now is wild and raw,

and that fucking OnlyFans dad that you sent me today, holy shit, dude. I mean, imagine. You would not be able to do that anywhere yeah and it's better than anything snl's doing that's a fact it's better it's better for me my what i like people like different shit right you were getting on a sibian not yet those things hurt i'm sure it fucked my like my groin muscles really yeah that was like a hard one to film how do you film it i just had to sit on that thing and hold your? Yeah. That was like a hard one to film. How do you film it?

I just had to sit on that thing. And hold your legs together? I was like straddling it. Was your cock and balls really out? No. No? No, but I was in like a flesh colored Speedo. Which, you know, there's all these like girls around, dude.

I'm not. It looks terrible, dude. And you know, you're nervous when you're filming stuff. Oh, yeah. So I had like the smallest dick possible. Of course. Like that sticking out forward. Don't even look at it.

You might be able to see it through there. Yeah. But that was, yeah, the whole thing was cool. Filming all that stuff. It's a great premise, too. That OnlyFans thing is wild. I mean, I know a girl who makes $100,000 a month showing her feet. Nice.

Like, what? Yeah. She works for Buddyman. She works on his podcast. Yeah, she just shows feet. $100,000 a month? Yeah. Yeah, what?

Right. How horny are these guys? They're so horny. But it's not just that they're horny. They're fans of this one person because they've seen her before, and so they want to jerk off to her feet. And it's just her feet. Yeah.

I don't know. I haven't subscribed, but that's what I understand. It's just her feet. Yeah. I mean, probably her in her underwear and her feet, those kind of things. If the Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee thing launched on OnlyFans, how that would have gone down? Right. If they just started just banging on OnlyFans and just releasing videos.

Yeah. A lot of girls got into OnlyFans during... Well, it's a great way to make money, but the problem is you get addicted to that money. If you're making $100,000 a month, and then you go, you know what? I really want a family someday, and I gotta stop showing my cooter. And then you get off of

it, and you realize you got a $4,000 a month condo, and you're like, what am I doing here? Yeah, I gotta show my pussy again. Yeah, I gotta show my pussy to pay for this fucking Lexus I bought. It gets weird, because you can get imprisoned by bills or your lifestyle. And if you have that kind of lifestyle, it's super hard for someone to give up that kind of money because that's like way more than porn money.

You know, porn star, like unless you're like the top of the food chain porn gal, you're not making that kind of loot. Yeah, porn stars are pretty exploited. Well, they're doing the OnlyFans now, too. Good for them. That's actually nice. That's good. Well, they're not just exploited.

They're in a weird situation now where no one buys DVDs anymore, right? So that was where they made the most money. One of my neighbors back when I lived in California, it was a guy that I did jujitsu with, he was like two houses down from me. He was a big porn producer. He was a crazy dude. Really crazy guy. He's always coked up and you know yeah yeah he um he he was doing great balling making videos you know and he and he would tell me like the real money's in producing you know and then yeah then the fucking internet comes along and just pulled pulled the

rug out from underneath that business then everybody was just getting porn for free yeah and so like they went from making millions and millions of dollars every year to nothing boom he lost his house what'd they do his house got repossessed really yep yeah he lost his house. He moved out of the neighborhood. They eventually foreclosed on his house. And, yeah, it just was a wave of things falling apart. And, I mean, I think the only people that can make any money are the girls. The guys make very little money.

Oh, the actors? The male actors? Yeah, the male actors. The male actors. The male actors. Yes, those guys, they can't make much money at all. It's hard unless they're very- Yeah, of course. Very industrious and they figure out some sort of subscription only panel.

They only fuck all the hottest girls, right? Yeah. I'd love to add to this. It's a weird world because a lot of people people beat off but a lot of people like to lie about it yeah it's a weird world i've been up here before ari got here i was just up in tim's mansion in the hills alone just beating off up in the mountains nice it's good beating off's good glad we can do it beating off up in the hills the hills. It changes people's feelings about things. You beat off, it relaxes you.

Oh, dude, I'll start DMing or texting girls or something. Just one beat off. What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? I used to have a whole bit about jerk off first, then think about it, about keys to life. If you're thinking about doing something, just jerk off and then look at it. Because a lot of times your perspective is marred by this desire to breed. Yeah. And you don't really like the person that you're gonna call yeah that you're not really like socially

compatible with them but you want to fuck them yeah and then you jerk off and you go oh like if a guy jerks off the bit was basically that if a guy jerks off and still calls you, he fucking loves you. Yeah. Like that's real. Loves you. Yeah. Not just the opportunity to. Not coming. Yeah. It's so embarrassing.

When you're a young man and you don't understand it, like I remember being like 18 and 19 being so confused because I was like, I was really into a girl and then I'd have an orgasm and I was really not into her. Yeah. Like really quickly. And some girls would think that like, oh, he's an asshole. He tricked me into thinking he liked me. Like, no, I tricked me too.

No, yeah, I loved you. I fucking loved you so much. Please leave. Please. I need to be alone. I bet they feel the same way too. No, I think they're, oh, yeah, maybe, after they. Yeah.

Probably like, what am I doing? What the fuck? When this guy's sticking in me. With that shirt? That guy fuck me? No, once you come, they're like, stay, stay, stay. Some of them are. Yeah.

Because they want you to raise the children with them. Yeah. It's weird primal instincts, man. Yeah, of course it is. It's everything. Everything is are. Yeah. Because they want you to raise the children with them. Yeah. It's weird primal instincts, man. Yeah, of course it is. It's everything. Everything is that. Yeah. So back to the SNL thing.

Yeah, back to SNL. We talked to come. So the hits keep coming. They keep coming after you. It's like four days in. Yeah. And how long in? When do you decide?

When do you give up? I gave up the first night oh the very first night like the first art it was funny the first article came out that said I used the c word right my agent calls me and it's like did you say that this word and I was like I would never say that I would literally I was like I that's not in I don't say that shit she was like here's the video clip looks like I said it oh that was those UTA shout out UTA they dropped me mmm it kept Jussie Smollett drop it really they kept it kept Jussie Smollett as long as they kill I don't know if they still have them. Wow. Dropped me for maybe joking. Jussie Smoulier, or Jussie Smoulier, as Dave Chappelle calls him.

Juicy. Juicy, that's right. He was really good in that Alien movie. Was he? Alien Covenant, yeah. Doesn't mean he's not a great actor. He's not a great actor. How about that?

Is he not? No. He was okay in that movie. He must have been a terrible actor when those fucking cops showed up. Kind of joking around. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure with his fucking-

He's like, what happened? New still around his neck holding a Subway sandwich. Yeah. It's one of the dumbest plots of all time. It is up there. And that Chappelle bit is fucking magic. It's magic. It's so funny.

It's magic. And the way he spells, like, pronounces his name wrong. Yeah. That French actor. Juicy? Juicy Smoulier. Yeah. He's incredible.

Oh. Oh. No, I just wanted to shout out UTI. Yeah. Listen, man. All those structures, all those things, like they can do you good. Don't get me wrong. But they're basically like bridges that'll fall apart in the

middle of your journey across the river yeah they they you can't count on them no they turn on you yes the moment they have to they'll turn on you yeah and they will that's okay though as long as comedy doesn't yeah you know comedy is the only thing that we can all count on comedians and and audience members that love comedy and there's a lot of people outside of that world that will try to change the true meaning of what you're saying and try to pretend that you're being serious and try to pretend that you're a bad person or to try to pretend that it doesn't matter. And you should never be able to say those things again. You're a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or this or that. You guys can all eat shit. You can all eat shit because you

know what you're doing and it's not it doesn't work anymore yeah the thing about this whole climate this oversensitive climate is that people are fed up with it yeah and so there's a massive rebound when someone gets through on the other end yeah yeah people are definitely everybody's tired of it yeah it's every day yeah it's every day but there's still people that that is their currency that's what they trade in so they're still trying to cancel people all the time and with a lot of it and one of things that Tim said and then I became friends with Tim after he wrote something really insightful about comics that were coming out against Louie and he said one thing that they have in common is they're all really mediocre

and they love the fact that this brilliant guy is being taken out. So it moves them up the ladder. And they're trying to gain social clout by attacking him. It's 100% true. And the Louis thing was everybody knew that. Everybody knew that story about Louis in comedy. Oh, yeah. Before that it dropped.

Yeah, I knew about it. Before the news broke. I knew about it. I was an open mic-er in Philly. Well, I knew that he used to ask Sarah Silverman, and he would jerk off, and she would say yes. Yes. And he would jerk off, and they would laugh about it. We heard the stories, and then, so everybody knew it.

Again, I knew it. I was an open mic-er in Philly. I'd heard about it. I didn't know it. You know what I mean? And then, as soon as it becomes in the news, now every comedian wants to speak out against it. It's like, where were you when you heard about it i didn't know it you know and then as soon as it becomes in the news now every comedian wants to speak out against it it's like where were you right when you heard about it i

heard about it right they well they they were scared when lou is on top that you know if they came after him then everybody else would take out them to try to you know make louie happy if louie didn't get taken out but once once it was clear that Louie was hit and wounded. You know, you ever seen what happens with buffaloes when they get attacked by a lion? It's really interesting. Yeah. There's a video of these water buffaloes get attacked by a lion.

And one water buffalo gets attacked and finally manages to get free of these lions. They're fighting off these lions. Finally manages to get free. And as he They're fighting off these lions. Finally manages to get free. And as he's moving around, another water buffalo comes along and slams into him and knocks him over. And then the lions get him. And I'm like, that is comedy.

That's nature. That's humans. That's just biology. When someone senses weakness, the really shitty people amongst them, those people attack. It's pretty funny that Buffalo did that. Yeah. It's funny. The video's funny because you watch him like, look at that cunt.

He's going to get out of this. Oh, man, he got betrayed. And then his friend comes along and rams into him and knocks him over. I watch those videos. I mean, just stand up for yourselves, Water Buffalos. They try. Everyone's horns. I know, but stand up for yourselves, water buffaloes. They try. Everyone's horns. I know, but there's so many of them.

Yeah. There's a place in Africa. The Kroger? There's an amazing documentary called Relentless Enemies. And in this documentary, there's a strange part of Africa where the river shifted. And when the river shifted, these lions and these water buffalo got stranded on an island and it's a large island but it's only filled with water buffalo and lions yeah and so because the lions can only hunt buffalo they all grew bigger so they have enormous lions like the female lions

are as big as a male lion everywhere else. And they look cartoonish. Like they have giant muscles. Like the Hulk. It's crazy. Because all the ones that survive are ones that figure out how to attack lions. Pull up a picture of these fucking lions. Remember that documentary, Relentless Enemies? Oh, there's

the Kroger one. Yeah. Kroger? Is this the one where the buffalo escapes? This is where the boys finally unite. Yeah. This is where they unite and try to take out the lions. This is great. They start fucking them up. Yeah. Well, lions are so much smaller than a buffalo. Yeah. And once

they start attacking the lions, it's like, ah, this is kind of sad now. Not really. It's how it goes. This is how it goes. See if you can find that uh relentless enemies lions so it's just a weird genetic uh aberration like natural selection has taken place and these lines have gotten way bigger but the thing is the female ones have these fucking enormous muscles man like there it is, the 2006 full movie.

I love the jacked women. Yeah. There's Relentless Enemies, full video. Oh. Just show me, just give me some images of the jacked female lions. Anyway, that's the idea. It's a great documentary. If you're into

it, go check it out. That they look normal there. There's, there's pictures of them where they look fucking super. Those are young ones though. That's why. Anyway, you get it. So, um, when do they give up and when do they fire you? I don't know. It was probably like four days in. I met with the people at NBC, like the head of NBC, all that, those people. You're at like a giant marble table at the top of a skyscraper and they're like, what'd you say? It's like, dude, come on guys.

You had to meet with the people at NBC? Yeah. In person. Met with people from snl what did they say to you i hardly remember it was such like it was for real it was like i blacked it out like it was that fucking like traumatic this is maybe traumatic definitely traumatic but like surreal it was so surreal like it was totally i detached and i was like no i don't care i kept being like i don't care and everyone would be like are you all right like I detached and I was like, no, I don't care. I kept being like, I don't care. And everyone would be like, are you all right?

Like, are you okay? I was like, yeah, I'm fine. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. Because you don't want to be like, no, I'm not okay. I said bad words and everyone's mad. No, you got to just be like, no, I don't give a fuck, dude. Yeah, finally get the call that's like, yeah, we're going to – they offered me – I could resign.

And I was like, no, you guys have to fire me. Like this has to be on you guys. Yeah. And they did. They're like, all right, yeah, you're fired. What did they say in their statement? And then they were like, we're going to release a statement. You release a tweet.

It's all planned. In fact, since my thing, I've seen people issue the apology NBC gave me. Verbatim. To say, just about verbatim. It's all fake. The entire thing's fake. The people that are outraged are not serious. The people that are sorry are not serious.

Basically, everybody that has said sorry has been like, yeah, I'm very sorry. Fuck them. I'm the fuckers. Like, that's how it goes. Yeah. And the whole time, no one cares. No one cares. It's a weird dance, isn't it?

It's a very, very weird dance. So when you win. Especially over comedy. Like, that's the thing we're worried about? Right. Well, it's podcast is what it is. That's the thing that can get you in the most trouble yeah it's because it it's so free-flowing and when you're doing it alongside another comedian you're just trying to make each other laugh and the one of the best ways to make a comic laugh is to say some shit you're not supposed to say yeah but we know the funniest yeah the only way to make a comic class yeah just

about it's one of the ways yeah you know yeah say something fucked up so they eventually released a statement you know these these things he said did not align. Yeah, we can't. Yeah. He's out of here. Yeah. And then. Did you ever have any contact with Lauren afterwards or anyone?

Yeah. I still talk to Lauren sometimes. What does he say? Hey. You ever send him some of your sketches? Yeah, he's seen all this. What does he say? He likes them.

Does he say they're better than anything we do? No. Because they are. No. No. No. He's been cool. He likes them. Does he say they're better than anything we do? No. He's been cool. He was nice. You know, but it's yeah, he was nice.

I didn't take any of it too personally. Of course, he has to do it. I knew it wasn't up to him. I know it wasn't up to him and everybody's like, yeah, it was. If he doesn't, they'll come for him. Yeah, I get it. Yeah't they'll come for him yeah yeah i get it yeah they'll come for him and yeah and that's it i don't know i thought i'd be more capable of discussing it but yeah i don't know it's uncomfortable yeah it's it's like i don't

i'm not too worried about it anymore i i don't like i don't like i don't like, I don't like, I don't know. Yeah. Does that make sense? No, it does make sense. It's, um, you know, like, I don't want to be a victim. I want to be a comedian. Yeah. Well, I don't want to come on and do stuff where I'm like, yeah. And then it was unfair how I was treated. It's like, no, I get it. I understand why I was treated that way. I said wild shit. I'm going to keep saying wild shit. Nowadays, there's no chance I'm going to work at NBC. Right. So those are the rules now.

If I want to argue why we made these rules, that's different. But I understand the rules. And I don't, I'm not, I wasn't abiding by those rules. I have zero desire to do a television show now but I've been offered multiple ones over the last couple of years last few years and what the first thing that I think of is like I don't want to defend any of the shit that I said in like 2009 or whatever I'm not I'm not interested in doing that yeah it's like if you know what I'm doing then good and if you don't know what i'm doing

and you see it you're not offended all i can say is just that's not what i meant i'm just fucking around and don't listen yeah you don't have to listen there's a lot of things to listen to there is literally a million podcasts now yeah there's a million you don't have to listen to mine go listen to like women talk about murders there's a lot of that. And be like, oh, this is good. There's a lot of- Now, those guys saying bad things, that's bad. Not this entertainment value, murder, rape, suicide I'm listening to. Chicks love those true crime shows.

They love them. It's so weird. My oldest daughter's really into them. I'm like, why do you watch that? Doesn't that disturb you? They like it. Yeah, I don't like them. I try to watch the Night Stalker, that Netflix series.

You didn't like that one? No. Makes me very uncomfortable. I don't like that one. I don't like it at all. Did you? There were some funny parts in that. Really?

What was funny? Dude, you fucking... See, this is Bud Light number four. Here it comes, dude. No, there was one part where they listed, in the Night Stalker, they listed all his victims. And two of them were sisters that he got with a hammer. And they were like 88 years old. Now, obviously, there's nothing funny about it.

It's just funny that that's the wildest shit I've ever heard. There's nothing funny about that. It's crazy. Two old ladies like, who's at the door? And he's like, it's me yeah, just two old ladies like who's at the door with a hammer. He's like it's me the fucking devil See I hear stuff like that, and I just it's terrible find that guy That's my face ending was fine He went through like a Mexican neighborhood, and they all started beating the shit out of him and turned him in

Yeah, but they didn't kill him Is he dead now yeah, he died in prison. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was the worst part of the documentary. Yeah. At the end, it's like, yeah, he died. He had a long life and died of cancer. Yeah, I think he died of cancer.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was broken, you know? There's a lot of broken people out there. Definitely. The crazy thing is things like the Zodiac Killer. Like, guys would get away with it. Yeah.

Like, leave notes and get away. I think there was a new breakthrough very recently on the Zodiac Killer. They think they know who it is now. But they've done that like 10 times. They think they know who it is. Yeah, wasn't it Ted Cruz's dad? Ah! Wasn't it Ted Cruz?

That was what Trump was saying. I think it was Ted Cruz. Didn't Trump say his dad killed Kennedy or something? He's ruthless. And then Ted Cruz is out there fucking carrying water for him after that. He's like, I was about to do a Trump reference. Go ahead. I'm flailing.

Go ahead. Don't be scared. Yeah. So when did it relax for you where you felt everything's okay again um i mean well you felt it was like five or six months after i got like canceled covid started so that's kind of when every i mean everything shut down so it was like that helped ari as well got bigger fish to fry right yeah yeah for sure so that was it it just sucked like it was kind of inconvenient timing for me because i would have liked to have kept going you know what i mean like not stop at all but then it did look

like i got canceled and stopped because because covid you know i couldn't are you still doing a podcast yeah matt and shane secret podcast and how many people get to listen to it now? I don't know. We're usually top 100. Oh, yeah, now? Yeah. Patreon went up. Donate to the Patreon, dude.

Support the cause. Yeah, how do we get to that? Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Patreon. Okay. Google it. How many downloads are you guys getting on a regular basis? I'm not sure. I don't look that up.

Good. Good for you. That's smart. Yeah. I didn't know until it was too late. Oh, really? I wasn't paying attention until it got really big. And I was like, oh, no.

Yeah. Now you got to worry about what you say. Or at least not worry about it, but you know what I mean. You got to be like, I'm joking. This isn't real. Because, you know you also have to establish a relationship with your audience where they understand who you are and they know that if even if you say wild shit you're saying wild shit because you're being silly yeah but i

think it gets so big that like you lose the the relationship with people and people join yeah but then then i'm saying outsiders will jump in and be like, what did he say? That's okay. You know, that's okay. It's, it's worth it. It's all worth it to be able to have something like for me to be able to have something where you can talk. I would do this podcast exactly this way. If I was just starting out and no one knew who I was and there was just a hundred people listening yeah i would do it exactly the same way and you can it can be done that way but you got to take your lumps yeah they'll come for you and when they come for you you just gotta yeah you gotta be this is crazy huh yeah i just keep going i was dude i was taking the fucking

subway home while getting canceled. I would go to like 30 Rock and like meet with Lorne, and they're like, we're going to be all right, like all that. And then I would get on the train home, and everybody – it was number one on Twitter. So people were just like looking at their phone, looking at me just sitting there like – I literally watched people go like this. Like just staring at me.

The second eyes. I'd go like this. Like just staring at me. I'd be sitting there going. The second eyes. I'd go like this. And what did they say? It's me. Did you have conversations with people about it? I've had a couple. Yeah, I had a couple.

And everyone was like, yo. Every normal person is like, yo, this is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, people understand people inherently. But when people try to pretend they don't and try to reduce you to the worst thing you've ever said and this is you this is evidence of you they're all failures that's the crazy thing the people that want to do that most of them they want to be a comic or they were a failed performer

they're either a failed comic or a failed writer there's something wrong yeah most critics are critics because they don't have anything to contribute. They don't have, like, do you think Stephen King wants to be a critic, right? Do great writers want to be critics? No, they want to be writers. They want to put out art. They want to explore the boundaries of their creativity and their discipline to bring that creativity into a tangible form where other

people can absorb it and appreciate it and enjoy it and if you can't do that you criticize and that's actually a good point because before so like while i was an open micer in philly i was criticizing because i wasn't creating anything good so i would sit there i'd be like this person sucks this comic sucks yep fuck Fuck them. Yep. Fuck that. And then you start to get good at stand-up. You start to fucking meet these people that you just shit on. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck was I doing?

Why the fuck was I? So it's almost the same thing where while you're in that little incubation period of being an open mind, I was miserable. I was like, fuck these people. That person sucks. They suck. Everybody sucks. Dude, I- i'm good that thing i had the exact same experiences when i was coming up because there was i was super hypercritical of other people yeah but it was because i wasn't doing well exactly yeah and i remember uh i had a bit about jenny mccarthy and then i met her and she

was so nice oh what a bummer that i had to drop the bit it was just a bit it Jenny McCarthy and then I met her and she was so nice. Oh, what a bummer. I had to drop the bit. It was just a bit. It was, I mean, it wasn't the meanest bit in the world. It was a bit about her. Uh,

I read that she was getting her breast implants removed and I go, that's like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off. I go, put them back in and make them bigger and no talking. I go, I go, you're not famous cause you're, you're going to,

what are you going to go do Shakespeare in the park now I go you're hot You think we like your mind But it was just mean And then I met her and she's so friendly It happened to me like crazy Every comedian I'd be like This person's special sucks

And then I'd meet them And then I'd see them do stand up And be like fuck they're so much better than me They're so good. You know what I mean? The thing about specials is everyone's special is 60% to 70% less funny than how they actually are live. There's no way around that because the experience of being there live is magic. And I say this as an audience member.

Like I watched Chappelle this week. We did these two shows in Vegas. And Chappelle has this bit. I don't want to give it away because it's so good, but there's this bit about the Me Too movement. It had me crying, like tears are rolling down my eyes. I'm holding my sides. I'm like, if you see this live, it's so good. And I was like, there's a special thing in the air when you see a comic live. And you get a lot of that through a special like i said 60 to 70 you don't get 100 no you don't get 100 no and you're also tense when you're doing a special like especially like you did this special this uh past weekend past weekend yeah

and i was super bummed out when i heard that you only got to film one night yeah because i like two nights i do two nights and I do four shows. Because that way I'm loose. Because I know I have four shows to get it out. One of these will work. One of these are going to be great. But you also feel better on the first show. Like my last special that I did that I filmed in Boston, most of it was from the first show.

The reason why I did a couple of extra bits in other shows that I figured out a way to sandwich in, because I forgot to out a way to sandwich in. Because I forgot to do this on that first show. That's the only reason why I put anything in from other shows. Because the first show I was super loose. Because I knew I had four shows. But some of my specials before that, I only had two shows. And you go out there for those two show specials, you're like, boy.

I got lucky. Saturday early I did well. If I hadn't, Saturday late show sucked. Oh, no. If those had reversed, like if my first show sucked, I would have just been on stage just like, what the fuck? One of my biggest specials I did was in 2014 for Comedy Central, and a lady heckled me during my first set. God, I lost my- I was like, you bitch, I'll fucking kill you. It was such a dumb heckle, too. She's like and i was like oh my god you're in the she she also didn't

understand what i was doing like i was i was going the the bit was about the guy that broke into the white house i remember that that wasn't a bit that was that was the second special it was another bit because that was a that was my 2016 special that was was triggered. But whatever the bit was, it was a setup, and it eventually made men look really stupid. But the beginning was like, hey, where are you going with this? Exactly. And then, ah, oh, I see where you're going. It happened to me this weekend. I was doing a Trump joke, and I started the Trump joke, and she was like, we hate Trump here.

I was like, do you hear what I'm saying? Right. Do you think I'm going to do a special where I go on stage and I'm like, I loved our last president. Like, what type of psycho would that, you know? Right. It's not funny. I'm not going to go on stage and be like, I support the government. Right.

Just let the bit play out, stupid. Listen to me. Yeah. But people are just wanting their voice to be heard. And they're not taking into consideration that you're filming something, you know? Yeah. And if you are, they want to be the one who gets it on on recording yeah as if as if we're gonna keep it yeah you live you learn yeah yeah but filming specials is a fucking harrowing experience because it was

the only one i did i got done and sat in tim's house by my, all my friends went back to Philly and New York. I stayed in Tim's house by myself for like two days. I was like, damn, I'm sad. Why are you sad? It's like a depressing feeling. I don't know. I never filmed a special. Oh, this is your first special? It was the only thing I've ever filmed. How long have you been doing standup now? It's like 10 years, eight years. That's around the time to do it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's an uncomfortable feeling when you're done. It's like, could I have done better? Stuff like that, you know? Are you happy with it? I don't know. I haven't seen it. I probably won't like it.

I don't know. If you had a chance to do it again. You know, like, Whitney was about to do a special, and we were hanging out in the parking lot at the comedy store, and she was like, you know, I'm confident and everything and this, but, you know, like, what do you think? And I said, you know what I think? I think you got some amazing premises.

You're a fucking hilarious comedian. And every special that I've ever done, there's always like six months before the special comes out or five months. And during that time, I'm still doing some of that old material. Yeah. And it gets better. And I'm like, like fuck if I just waited three more months I go I think you should just wait a little because I see some of these bits you're thinking them out while you're doing them they're not like they're not just drilled into your DNA yet and sometimes bits do get they just they have a time like a wine or a whiskey or something like that. There's a time where it's, take it out of the barrel.

It's ready. Yeah. But if you take it out of the barrel early, they seem clunky. Like, I remember Louie was doing a special every year. Yeah. And I think even he realized, like, this is not the way to do it. They're not ready after a year. But two years seems to be the number.

And maybe three. Yeah. Maybe three is even better. It's tough to tell i have no i you know i don't know i'll see how mine i don't know if it was good i think it was good yeah i thought i thought it was it's always good to just get one out there anyway yeah and i'm doing it it's on it'll probably be on youtube i'll just make it myself look what norman's doing norman all those guys killed it schultz killed it on YouTube. Yeah, man. YouTube made him.

It really did. I mean, his special murdered on YouTube. Schultz helped with Gillian Keeves. Did he? He was like a big influence, like talking to the people I was trying to make it with, like, yes, do it. Because a lot of people are very like, you don't want to risk losing money. It's like, if we just put our money together and make something really good,

it'll pay off. Maybe not right now, but in five years. Yes. It'll work. Right. And they needed to hear it from somebody who actually had that happen. Well, he's one of the most industrious of all the young comics. Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. In my opinion, he's like the best guy that took advantage of the pandemic, too, because he put out those videos. Him and Tim. Yeah, Tim's amazing, too. Both of them. But what he did with those sideways videos, like turn your phone sideways, and then these wild rants where it's like punchline, punchline, punchline, bang, bang, bang, which is very different than his actual stand-up. Yeah. Where his stand-up is like he'll hold a laugh

He'll work the room. He'll fuck around a little he's super loose and relaxed But these things he had figured out a very specific rhythm that's Applicable for watching it on Instagram. Oh, yeah. Yeah genius. Yeah, he's yeah one of the best he is he's a great dude Okay, he's the great guys nice guy. All these guys are great. Yes. That's what's funny about it. Yeah. Like, you're great.

I was excited. I was like, you know, when you meet someone famous, every once in a while they suck. Yeah. You were great. Thanks. Anyway, that's cool. I tried to be a nice guy. You were.

It was crazy. You were one of the nicers. Were you worried I wasn't going to be nice? Sometimes. Sometimes you can be crazy oh yeah you get to your level people lose their fucking minds yeah it's hard it's the rpms it's like your hull can't take the rpm it's great i mean we went to that bar it filled up after like 45 minutes that must be crazy yeah what What was weird is people tell people that you're somewhere. We went to see, what's the truth? Never?

Nether? Netherland? Fuck, dude. What are they called? Nether Hour. Yeah. Nether Hour. Really talented guys.

Yeah. And so I called Tony. I'm like, where you at? And he's like, we're seeing our friend's band. They're playing at this little bar in the east side. No one's there. Come on down. So we go, fuck it, let's go.

So we all get in the SUV. We all head on down. We get dropped off. We hop out. We go in there. There's like 20 people in the whole place. Max. Within 40 minutes, there's 300 people there.

And everyone's staring at you. And they all got their phones out. I'm like, oh, Christ. Yeah, man. It was weird. And we were a little fucked up. We were lit. Yeah, we were fucked up.

We were lit. The next day. I kind of looked around. I was like, holy shit, this place is full. I had a pounding headache. We just kept doing whiskey. There was a lot of whiskey flowing around. But I was having a good time, man.

It was fun. It was great to meet you. I was like, we got this ball rolling. We're having fun. Let's go out. Let's go see a band. Let's go get some food. Let's fuck around. It's fun watching you. Yeah, it was great to meet you. I was like, we got this ball rolling. We're having fun. Let's go out. Let's go see a band. Let's go get some food. Let's fuck around.

It's fun watching you. Yeah, it's fun to watch you. It's fun to watch famous people live. What's weird about it? You go out and that happens. It's just weird to see. You have 45 minutes to be like, all right, I'm normal for 45 minutes out at this bar. And then it's ruined.

You know what I mean? It got ruined. That's what I mean. So there's, like, a small window. People kept coming in. We're like, we got to get out of here. Can I get a picture with you? I was just like, God damn it, dude.

Get out of here. That's when it gets weird when you can't have conversations, when everybody just wants to take a picture. That's what I meant by, like, it's fun. It's fun to watch a famous person be able to live like a human for 45 minutes yeah like an empty bar we're all just friends drinking you could do it you just gotta move around a lot you just gotta stay at a bar for like 20 minutes and just go the one of the only times i met pete davidson he brought that it fucked me up we were like

we were kind of smoking and he was like yeah being famous is cool i can't go outside anymore i was just like holy shit that's crazy like you can't go outside you can you can go outside i go everywhere yeah i just say hi most people are nice i mean i don't even just mean most i I mean like almost all. Occasionally I'll get someone who gets weird with me, but it's really, really, really rare. Most people are super friendly. What do they get weird with you on?

Usually schizophrenics. Like, I need to talk to you about some things. I'm getting these really important messages that I have to deliver to you. I get some schizophrenic DMs. I get those. There was a schizophrenic the other night at Vulcan. Grabbed me by my shoulders, wanted to talk to me. Really important. I was getting offside. I have to deliver to you. I get some schizophrenic DMs. I get those. There was a schizophrenic the other night at Vulcan who grabbed me by my shoulders, wanted to talk to me. Really important. I was getting offside. I need to talk to you

about some things. Yeah. You should have been like, what? No. Tell me. Can't help them. There's a lot of nutty people out there. They say that 1% of all people are schizophrenics. That's a lot. That's a lot.

If you have 300 million people in this country, you have 3 million schizophrenics, right? So if you have- It's a lot. It's a lot. So if you have 300 million people in this country, you have 3 million schizophrenics. That's a lot of people. They're out there. They're having fun, though. There was a guy yesterday breaking scooters. You know those- It's a good thing.

You see that guy, Jamie? He was breaking- Oh, you weren't there last time. That's an honest day's work. Yeah, he was slamming scooters and talking to himself. I told you, motherfuckers. Now fuck that shit. Now fuck that shit. Yeah, he was slamming scooters and talking to himself. I told you, motherfuckers. Now fuck that shit. Now fuck that shit.

He was walking around after he body slammed these scooters. At least the schizophrenics do what they're talking about. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, it is. It's just like- He's having fun. I think he wasn't having fun.

Give me one of those. Thank you. I used to- I'm a Bud Light drinker, kids. Yeah. I used to work for the state, for Pennsylvania, for a little. And I would have to go around and go to, like, I would investigate, like, state-run, like, homes. And a lot of them were, like, schizophrenic houses. Oh, no.

So you'd go in and just be, dude. Something happens to schizophrenic people, they get very fat. Really? They all wear like, dude, every schizophrenic house I went to was like dudes in fucking full sweatsuits, chain smoking cigarettes,

just like screaming at a lady. It was great. Just imagine a house of Tim Dylans. They're like, where'd you put my fucking, just going nuts. Well, Tim's mom, Tim's mom's schizophrenic. Yeah. He talks about it on stage.

It's fucking hilarious. It's funny. Yeah. He's, I wonder if he worries it's going to come for him. Might. Well, as you get more and more famous, like he's handling fame very well because it hit him. Yeah.

You know, he's got that crazy internet fame where it hit him over the last i will say like three or four years yeah it's like ramped up pretty significantly you know but he's handling it really well and he's getting funnier which is amazing because he's always been funny and there's no one better at those just random rants about everything that and anything that's going on in life. Did you see what happened with some car thing? Some car rental place didn't honor his reservation. No. So he said they're all pedophiles and the guy likes to fuck kids.

And it's like, that's crazy. Put it on Twitter. What are we talking about? He might get schizophrenic. Oh, he's out there. He's there, dude. Yeah, but he's not schizophrenic. He's doing comedy.

Of course, but I'm saying that's- But he'll attack. Literally, what you just said was's not schizophrenic. He's doing comedy. Of course, but I'm saying that's- But he'll attack. Literally, what you just said was the most schizophrenic thing I've ever heard. Or funny. I went to war with the fucking Enterprise and called them all pedophiles. It wasn't Enterprise. You have schizophrenia.

It was a small luxury rental car company. Of course. I wonder if he still got it up on his Twitter. Don't forget, they made him pull it down. It's still up there? Wow. Every once in a while, Tim will do something that reminds you that he is gay. Every once in a while?

Like what? Like, all right, we're back, folks. Young Jamie went wacky, and he started spazzing out. He started doing karate underneath the table, and he kicked some wires. Jamie fucking freaked out and fucked up. I was in such a good flow there. You were so good. That was crazy.

That's what people say when you come to this podcast. They're like, first couple minutes, you'll be nervous, and then you just develop a flow. Is that what they say? And I think I said that nicely. Who said that? Norman? Norman. Start being gay.

Yeah. Hey. Comedy. Hey. I'm gay. Comedy. No, I'll be all right. Yeah.

Well, you're how many Bud Lights in now? Five? This is five. That's a normal amount. This is about where I take control. Oh. Tell me what. Tell me what to say.

What are we talking about? The anxiety over the shit I've said on this podcast already. Really? Yeah. You haven't said anything bad. I know. Trust me. Just stay off Twitter.

You've got to stop reading comments. For sure. You think you're going to get to a point one day where that will be untenable and you're going to have to just not read it? I'm getting better. It comes and goes. I'll be like, I won't read Reddit or Twitter or all that shit. I read Reddit.

Reddit's wild. Reddit's wild. Those fucking people are wild. Well, that's the thing, because Reddit is wild, and it's funny, though. Yeah. When it's not me, it's hilarious. Well, Reddit is filled with some of the most intelligent commenters on the internet and psychopaths and idiots all mixed in together.

Yeah. But it's very self-regulated. But the thing that bums me out about Reddit is Reddit is generally uncensored, right? Generally. But they took out the Donald when they had that, the Donald. The Donald was great. Yeah yeah they took it out but i think people were really concerned with there's a thing that was happening during the alt-right movement of like the like 2015 ish somewhere around there where people were realizing like there's a lot of attention that can be gathered up by joining that movement.

And attacking the libs and, you know, and calling them pussies and saying we're going to punch them in the face and all that kind of shit. And it became like Pepe the Frog. Pepe the Frog was funny. Yeah. It was funny. It was funny. I know it was funny. It was funny.

Yeah. It's still funny to me. It's still pretty funny. I know it was funny. It was funny. Yeah. It's still funny to me. It's still pretty funny. I mean, you know, Pepe the Frog all of a sudden had a Nazi outfit on, and you're like, hey. Yeah, come on, man. But that doesn't mean Pepe's a Nazi. Like, the whole feels good man was funny. And it was like when someone was saying something mean, you know, you'd have the Pepe the Frog crying.

Feels bad, man. Yeah. Like, it's funny. But somehow or another, it got connected to white supremacy and all this. That's because they're saying the worst things you can say through, they were anonymous. Yeah. So it's the worst thing you could say. Some people were.

Yeah. And then some people were using it the right way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. people were using it the right way yeah yeah yeah yeah it's uh i mean i'm a big proponent of free speech but i'm also i understand that you know things can get out of hand with these communities they did they a couple of times yeah but do you ever see the thing with uh kekistan and shilaboof yes oh my Yes. Oh, my God. We talked about it on the podcast. That was like the beginning of it, where it was like...

Well, we played the Radiolab podcast. It was a Radiolab podcast. It was brilliant. And Radiolab took it down. They gave into the pressure. And the podcast was about how brilliant these people were. They found it. Yes.

They found the flag. Yes. And they went, fuck Shia LaBeouf. They were looking at the stars and flight path. They were like, this bird calls. And they drove around honking the horn to try to triangulate the location. Yeah. So you could hear the horn honking online.

And that was funny. It was amazing. There's no denying that that was funny. Editorial update. Radio Lab has decided to take down this episode. Some listeners called us out saying that telling the capture the flag story in the way that we did, we essentially condoned some pretty despicable ideology and behavior. Do you think we just essentially condoned it? Yes, we did. I condone that. To all listeners who felt that way and to everyone else,

please know that we hear you and that we take these criticisms to heart. I feel awful that the things we said could be interpreted that way. That's on us. It was certainly not our intention and we apologize. Come on. Nonsense. You're reporting on a fascinating thing that happened on the internet. Where a pretty preposterous actor who's really ridiculous. He will not divide us ridiculous he will not divide

us he will not divide us freaking out yeah and he puts up this flag and uh they found the flag they found the camera like that's just what the internet does yeah it's it's beautiful in that way yeah and what they said they didn't condone anything. They're reporting on people smart enough to figure out where the location of this thing is based on the goddamn stars in the sky. Yeah. And tracking flights and seeing. I mean, for those of you who don't remember this. Yeah, there was just one part. Shia moved his flag to just in the middle of Tennessee with like an upward camera angle at a flag.

And they just looked at the sky in the background and figured it out. What did the flag say on it? I think he will not divide us. Yeah, that was it. He will not divide us. This is the flag. And then it was funny because they were all like weaponizing autism.

That's what they were saying they were doing. They were like, he has no idea the power of autism. Just guys, autistic dudes in their basement. It was fun. They were having fun. But I can't believe that Radio Lab, well, Radio Lab is owned by a corporation. That's what it is. Yeah, it's absolutely. Again, back to the SNL thing, that's

exactly what it was. The whole time I was like, I get it. I'm going to get fired. Yeah. I know I am. Yeah. I know the rules. When did it feel like the storms passed? I would say... Right before this podcast gets released.

Oh, God damn it. Yeah, this one. Well, the problem is now I have to pick a side. So me coming on here and being like, I understand why I got fired. It's fine. People are going to be like, fucking pussy. No.

That's just how I feel. That's their business model. I understand their business. It doesn't mean it's not gay. But, you know. Now you're getting double canceled. The gays are going to be like, we liked him up until that moment. That's the weirdest gay voice ever.

I mean, what was that? It was like a grandma. We liked him. You're using white voice. Shane's a good old man. He's a good fella. Oh, what's that? It was like a grandma. Yeah. He liked him. He used a white voice. Shane's a good old man. He's a good fella. Oh, what's that, a cock? Put that away before someone gets hurt.

This is a neighborhood. Get those cocks out of here. Comedy is incompatible with the corporate environment. It just is. Yeah, of course. Always has been. Of course. That's why I was saying that one of the best things about all these things is you appreciate

comedy. You appreciate stand-up. You appreciate what it takes to do stand-up. It's a fucking wild, wild art form. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. There's not that many of us. No, there's not.

No, it's more neurosurgeons than there are stand-ups. Is that true? That can't be true. Guaranteed it's true.urgeons than there are stand-ups. Is that true? That can't be true. Guaranteed it's true. Well, what do you mean? Yeah. Guaranteed it's true. People with stand-ups in their Twitter bio?

No. No, not those people. There's a lot of people that claim to be stand-ups, but it's someone paid to see you. Someone willing to pay to see you. And it takes a while to get there. Yeah. It's like you were saying that you're 10 years in, you're your first special i'm like that's about right that's because it's a it really is a 10-year journey and only if you work hard the people that sort of dabble in it

like that is one of the saddest things when you see like an open mic or who you've seen for 12 13 years they're still an open micer yeah and they're still an open mic-er. Yeah. And they're still struggling and bombing and they kind of go on stage once a week or something like that. Yeah. And it's- Tell you what, when you get canceled, those are the guys coming out of the woodworks. They're coming out just being like, that motherfucker was mean to me at a bar once and here's a three paragraph thing.

He's like, I forgot about you. What are you doing? Yeah. Well, you deserve to be mean to. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. There were guys that were like, he told me to quit comedy it's like yeah i was hammered you just bombed again i saw you bomb a thousand times finally i was like i wasn't mean about it there's some people that

like you want to tell them like you're probably good at something this isn't the thing i had a club owner tell me that once. Really? First time, first club weekend I ever had. So I was doing open mics in Harrisburg. I'd been doing open mics for about three months. There was a local guy, he was doing a weekend in Pittsburgh. At a Pittsburgh Funny Bone, I think, in Mars, PA. So he asked the club, he was like, are there any good open micers that

I can bring to open? They suggested me. He gave me the weekend. I drive out there. I invited my friends because I was like, yo, we got a hotel room, dude. We're doing it. I brought like three of my friends from home. We drive out there.

It was right when Four Loko came out. Remember those drinks? We were playing fucking drinking games all day with four locos. Dude, I'd never done a weekend in my life. I'd never done a club in my life. I show up to this thing hammered. The owner's like,

our feature bailed. How long can you do? And I was like, he was like, can you do 20? And I was like, yeah. I had three. Obviously, I had zero, but hostable three. So I go on in this tiny hotel banquet room, just blacked out, doing 20 minutes of just.

I did so badly that there was a guy in the front row. I'll never forget this. He was wearing one of those throwback Pittsburgh Penguins jerseys, sitting like this the whole show. And then finally, like 10 minutes into my set, he looked at his friends. He was like, that one wasn't bad. As soon as I – for some reason, nothing clicked that I was bombing. I was so new.

I was like, I don't know what this is. Finally, when somebody like halfway through my set was like, yeah, that one was all right. I was like, holy shit, was alright. I was like holy shit How bad am I doing dude? get off stage the fucking club owners like What are you this is when I was in college? He was like what are you studying in school, and I was like history

And he was like you want to be a teacher I was like yeah, he was like you should be a teacher you there's a lot of good things you could he tried to Pursue yeah, yeah, it's pretty funny well it's hard to tell when someone's young and drunk i should have never been up there yeah yeah it happened i mean it was his fault because he asked you to do 20 yeah what a stupid well i mean that's how you end up running a hotel comedy club in mars pa well you never know too though you could have actually had 20 right he didn't know. Yeah, true.

Like if he said, can you do 20? And you said, yeah, and you went up there and kind of were funny for 20. True. True. Yeah. Yeah. And you weren't blacked out doing four locals all day. Well, I wasn't black. Yeah.

I did tell the story wrong. The first night, I wasn't that bad. The second night, there was a wedding at the hotel. And me and my friends were like, let's crash a wet. It was like when wedding crashers came out, let's crash your wedding. So you just showed up at the wedding at the hotel? We went to the salvation army around the corner and bought a bunch of suits, went to this wedding at the hotel. Oh my God. We're in there. We're all hammered. We were drinking at the indoor pool. We were drinking four locos at the indoor pool all day in Pittsburgh,

just getting fucking hammered. We go to this wedding. We were literally taking a picture with the bride, and she was like, wait a second, who are you guys? And then the groom tried to fight us. They get mad. If you crash a wedding, people don't like it. So they were all trying to fight us,

and then I had to leave to go do this show, and I bombed. In the hotel lobby. My fucking face was everywhere in the hotel. The groomsmen showed up to the bar that I was performing at. And they were like, there's that motherfucker. While you were on stage? After the show. They were like, this guy's a piece of shit.

And the club owner was like, yeah, this guy is a piece of shit. This guy sucks. Oh my god. Yeah. It was the first weekend I ever did. Wasn't good. Yeah, but they're never good. First weekend's always a disaster.

That was about as bad as it could get. Not as bad as it could get, but yeah. How long had you been doing comedy at that point? Maybe four months. And this is once a week, maybe, at best. I had zero, dude. I had zero. When did it start rolling for you?

I moved to, dude. I had zero. When did it start rolling for you? I moved to Philly. So I lived in central Pennsylvania, and I was kind of dabbling in it. But there's only so much you can do. What gave you the confidence, or what made you think that you could go to Philly and make it? I did Magoobies. You know Magoobies Joke House? Yeah. I won their New Comedian of the Year in 2014. Oh. And then I was like, all right, I can dooobies Joke House? I won their new comedian of the year in 2014.

And then I was like, all right, I can do this. And then I moved to Philly. Because Baltimore was kind of the closest city from Harrisburg. So I'd go down to Baltimore to do stand-up, go to Philly to do stand-up. And yeah, then I moved to Philly. And I moved to Philly with the only, the sole intent of doing stand-up, you know. I didn't move there. I moved there with no job, none of that.

Had you graduated from college? I did. So you had a degree. I had a degree in history. Right. That is useless. Good luck with that. Yeah.

Unless you want to be a teacher. So you just decided, I'm going to go for it. Did you give yourself a certain amount of time? No. I got fired from that state job that I was doing, go for it. Did you give yourself a certain amount of time? No. I got fired from that state job that I was doing, which was fine. I was literally going to like investigating like children's crimes at like state run children's houses. It was the most depressing job possible. Crimes against children?

Crimes against. Anytime like an orderly would subdue a child you'd have to go investigate it but then there was obviously abuse constant abuse uh yeah this is rough but anyway it was good for stand-up yeah damn uh yeah moved to philly did, and then finally moved to New York. Did you have a day job? What were you doing? I worked at a garage in Philly.

I didn't work on the cars. I just worked to the front desk. I had no fucking idea about cars. I sold cars after college. I sold Hondas. I have no idea how cars work at all. Worked at a car garage. I have no idea.

People would be like, what's wrong with my car? i'd be like a fucking uh you know the thing rotor and so what clubs are you getting up in philly did you helium helium yeah it's a great room helium's the best helium mark roseman's opening up a spot out here i heard yeah what do you think you gotta fuck him up for that no i'm excited i'm coming. Bring them all in. When I lived in Boston, there was five clubs on one block. It's possible. Yeah. All you have to do is just have enough talent, and there's enough talent here already.

And more are coming. This is a real unusual place, and I think it could be better. I think this could be the hub of stand-up in the country. I think it could be better. I think, I think, I think this could be the hub of standup in the country. I think it's totally possible. And it could be separate, as I was saying before we started, separate from any other showbiz institutions that are more, uh, hesitant to take risks, right? Like television and film. And this is a, this is is connected by it is now a mainstream network of podcasts because if you thought about like what mainstream mass media is podcasts were never thought of in that light because it's just even this room it's like just fucking two of us and jamie you know it's like you would think that for something to reach millions and millions of people it has

to be there's got to be more folks here. Of course. But that's not true anymore. And because Segura's here now, and he's brought his podcast, and his wife is here, who's brilliant. Christina Paziski, she's hilarious. You know, Giannis Pappas is splitting his time here. Tim is splitting his time here.

I know, Giannis is coming down. He was here two weeks ago doing shows with us. Nice. Brian Simpson, he's been coming down here. Fahim's been coming down here. There's so many comics down here now. Yeah. And Tony's here.

It's just like, there's a good talent pool here. Certainly. And there's a real enthusiastic group of up-and-comers. Real enthusiastic. Yeah, they moved. Yeah. A lot of them, there's some up-and-comers that came from L.A. and New York and all that. Yeah.

I would have had the club up already. The goal was to be up by July 4th, but we ran into some wild shit that I'll have to talk about eventually. Yeah. But it was a disaster. That's all right. Take your time. Yeah. Get it out.

It's all good. I mean, younger comics should. It is a good opportunity. I mean, younger comics should. It is a good opportunity. Like, if you want to move to New York or L.A., good luck. There's gatekeepers. Yeah.

Right here, it's pretty good. Here, there's escorts. They'll help you in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's what needs to happen. I mean, there's a lot of these comics, like Genevieve, who went on the shows with us before. She's been killing for, yeah. David Lucas was on the shows with us. Like, we'll for that. Yeah. David Lucas is on the shows with us. We'll help you.

The whole idea of comedy is a lot of comics just need a little help. They just need a little encouragement, camaraderie. They need to know they're loved and accepted and they've got a place. They've got a home. And that's what I'm trying to do out here. That's a good thing to do. Yeah, I think so. It's something I can do and it's not something a lot of people can do.

Buy a club. Yeah, you're one of the few people that can. And run a club with the expressed idea, intention, the expressed intention of just keeping it open. I'm not using it as a money-making venture. I'm just trying to keep it open. That would be sick. And you'll know, obviously, what a good club should look like, so the room will be good.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited. Yeah, that'll be sick. Yeah, I can't wait until people start filming specials at my club. That's going to be exciting. That'll be sick. I'm going to make that available, too.

Yeah. I just want it to be a super comfortable environment for everybody. And also a place where you can do wild shit. That's what I want. That's why we all got into this. Listen, man, I would be no one without Mitzi Shore. And Mitzi Shore was a wild lady. She was a wild lady.

If you want to talk about all of the people in stand-up comedy that are important, she is the most important person ever in stand-up comedy that's not a comedian. She's number one. Because all the other ones, whether it's Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy or Dave Chappelle or George Carlin or Lenny Bruce or Kinison, they're all comics. Yeah. Bill Hicks, comic. She's non-comic. She's a non-comedian who is one of the most important people in the history of the art form because when she ran the comedy store

She that her whole thing was yeah the inmates are running the SI Yeah, she thought it was funny that the comics were running things She thought it was funny that the comics would do wild shit She thought it was funny that they would say crazy shit and people when people would call in or they would send in complaint letters, especially if they got kicked out from heckling, that was a lot. They would say, your comedians were rude to me. She would read them and laugh. Yeah.

That's funny. They don't do that anymore. She didn't give a fuck. It was just her. She was so eccentric. Would you get Christians coming at you? That's what everybody always tries to make the comparison. Like the cancel culture now is like the left.

A couple, you know, two decades ago it was the right. Like the Christians being like, you can't talk about sex. You can't do that. I never really had that. I mean, I had it a little bit. It feels easier to dismiss the right. Yeah. You know what I mean?

They're less aggressive in their desire to stop you from doing your job they might they might not want people to go to see you or they might not want you know their friends to see you but i don't think they they're trying to get you fired the way the left is now yeah though you know what the thing is going on with the left? A lot of it is they're being bullies. And a lot of the people that are progressive, that are really like open-minded and unfortunately, there's a lot of people on the left that were bullied by assholes when they were young. Of course. So now they have like this.

I was a bully. They have resentment. Were you? Serious bully? Not like a mean one, no. They have serious resentment and they want to go after the people that they think. Yeah. Nerd rage, which is the most dangerous rage.

That is real. Nerd rage is the meanest, saddest rage. Yeah. That's cancer culture. That is it. What did you say? Yep. Yep.

And it's also people that they don't have a lot of love in their life if they do have love it's like very conditional and it's very you know it's very precarious yeah it's like obviously i'm making mass generalizations of a huge swaths of people but it's a personality trait that they have they're just there's a thing that leads people to want to be completely uncompassionate and attack people relentlessly and try to get them fired. Most of those people have experienced deep pain in their life. It's that old expression, hurt people hurt people. Yeah.

And that's what it is. That's the reason why the cancel culture coming from the left is so vicious. And the most vicious shit is coming from like transgender people or gay people they're all fired up they fired up about they've been bullied they've been bullied they're angry they've been picked on yeah so that when when something happens they come for you i don't know the one thing i will say like we were talking we touched on a little bit about like when i was an open mic in philly like i was talking shit dude i was like mean yeah you know what i mean yeah and that's where i think a lot of these people that are like these comedians former comedians or comedians that are like no

fuck them fuck this i think they have that and i've been there you know what i mean like i've been in that where it's like i'm not doing shit So I'm just sitting around like oh you think they're good They suck actually It's just bitter Even established comedians A lot of things you'll see in established comedians is If you go to see them live Like I've seen some of these established comedians

On the road and you gotta have Phil Friday night Cause even though they're established They're not selling tickets There's people that you know even from television shows That have been on sitcoms and. They're not selling tickets. There's people that you know even from television shows Yeah, that have been on sitcoms and stuff. They're not selling tickets on the road Yeah, imagine being like I want to see that guy who scolds people on fucking Twitter, right? Let's go see what he has to say Can you imagine just listening to like a frumpy white dude giving you a fucking a lecture about how to be a good person? Oh

It's exhausted. I've had some of those fuckheads on my show before. Yeah. You get into these conversations when you realize, like, they're not thinking deeply or honestly about things at all. No. They're just subscribing to this pattern of thinking and behavior that they think is going to get them, you know, And it's hard.

It is hard to be honest. It is hard. It's very hard. Yeah, it's hard. Like, I'm struggling with it. I'm struggling with it during hard. It's very hard. Yeah, it's hard. I'm struggling with it. I'm struggling with it during this. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, I get it. Because I felt the fucking... I have personally experienced what it's like when you try to be honest, and you get fucking just back. People are like, what did you fucking say? Yep. They come for you. Yeah.

Yeah. And it does fuck you. That's the one thing about cancel culture that does fuck you up. All those comments, they do fuck you you. Yeah. Yeah. And it does fuck you. That's the one thing about cancel culture that does fuck you up. All those comments, they do fuck you up. Yeah. People want to be loved and accepted. Yeah. And even the people are like, I don't give a fuck, dude.

I'm a rebel. They're wrong. Nonsense. They're not telling the truth. Yeah. I have experienced it. I've seen people who have experienced it. I'm friends with them.

It does hurt. Yeah. It does hurt. It it. I'm friends with them. It does hurt. It does hurt. It is bad. Yeah. It's a bad thing to do to someone. Yeah. Yeah. It is.

Especially when you know. You know, everybody's fucking so mean to me. I'm one butt light away from being like, Joey, thank you so much for having me. Let's bust out the whiskey. Let's see if we can get you to cry. I'll take a shot. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Oh, we got some right here. You're an animal. Come on, bro. Joey fucking rogues. Give me that there. Alright. Take it easy, dude. Come on, bro. I am going to cry.

Not here for a long time. We're here for a good time. Yo, Yolo? I'm going to cry on the podcast. here for a long time. I'm gonna cry, dude. Yo, Yolo? I'm gonna cry on the podcast. That's what's up. You know, the fuck SNL, dude. Those motherfuckers.

Laura Michaels isn't even American. Dude, those guys will fucking talk shit on me. Yeah, it'll all be water under the bridge. It's actually already, right? It really is. I mean, mean no matter what i do there's always a couple people that are gonna be like see i knew he was a nazi or like whatever yeah those people can all eat shit and they're all crying themselves asleep every night yeah i mean they're not happy when people are just attacking people randomly and trying to exaggerate who that person is so that they can make them more cancelable. Those are not happy people.

Yeah. I don't think you were here when I was telling you this story to some friends the other night that there's this guy that I'm friends with online. And he runs a – I don't even know what he looks like. He runs a philosophy page. And he runs a I don't even know what he looks like he runs a philosophy page and uh he's a really fucking smart dude and he'll send me some things sometimes about a podcast and they're like super insightful like he's one of the rare people that I'm that I contact online that I actually listen to what he says and he said you're going to have a problem with what you're doing with other people because you have a walled garden. And he goes, and you're very close to your friends and you're very supportive of all your friends.

Yeah. And people on the outside, they don't like the fact that they can't get in and it makes them angry. So they want to attack that walled garden. Of course. angry so they want to attack that walled garden of course they want to attack these close friendships because comics in general you know we're all insecure to a certain extent but also like desiring of love and attention that's why we go on stage in the first place and we see a whole group of people that seem to be having this amazing party that you can't get into and they're all supporting each other and it's rare for comedy It's a rare thing for comedy to have like this like real love and acceptance amongst people that also do what we do Yeah, but the people on the outside man like even people that are successful

They're resentful it bothers them like to be an island to be one person alone Even if you're doing well out there floating around like the only people that like you are your fans yeah that's tough other comics don't like you you don't have real comic friend like comics without comic friends bro that's a shit life dude if if you didn't have your comic friends like if you just tried to go out and what happened the other night happened and you were just by your that shit would stink it'd be weird like every time you went out there was just a crowd it'd be really you're not there with your friends fucking around being like this is weird right yeah you're just by yourself like this is fucking weird or if i let it change me yeah and all of a sudden i thought that i deserved all that that it was normal

you know like yeah this is what people feel about me man i'm affecting people changing culture yeah that's a that's a slippery bad place to place too that's a gross drug to be on you know and people get on that drug too you know yeah comics without comic friends that's a terrible life like because you got to think they're the only people that are going to understand you and if you have a job that you do and you don't have the love of your peers, you don't have the love of other people that do the job you do, they don't feel like you have their back. They feel like you're a traitor or you're not helping

or you're not supportive. Yeah, but that walled garden thing, that's very, very true. Very true. Especially with you and your guys. That happened. Oh, yeah. I've seen it. Yeah, I was probably doing a podcast in Philly.

All those guys fucking sucked. Dude, 100%. 100% that happened. Yeah, I'm sure. And that's real and that makes sense. It does make sense. It makes sense. And that's, again, that's why if a comedian talks shit on me, which a lot of them did, a lot of them very publicly shit on me, I didn't really respond and go after them because it's like I've been there.

Yeah. I know exactly where you're at. Yeah. Where it's like I'm going to take advantage of this moment because I'm – nobody good shit on me. Right. Not once. Not once. Of course. And I've met you, Louis, Chappelle shit on me. Right. Not once. Not once. Of course.

I met you, Louis, Chappelle, Burr, everybody. You guys were all fucking cool. Burr was my favorite one. Everybody else had advice and talked. Burr followed me at the stand. And he watched some of my set and he was just, ah, you're funny, you're going to be fine. Just walked right past me. That's perfect.

That's his outlook on everything. Burr is an interesting cat because he's not on really social media at all. No, good for him. Yeah, he doesn't really pay attention. He's smart about it. You know, he'll post things every now and then, but he's not reading things. Yeah, he's posting like, he's like, the bro ends. That's it. Yeah, that's who he is. He's remarkable in his ability to maintain who he is in spite of this massive amount of fame that he's achieved.

Yeah. It's really incredible. That was like the first podcast I listened to was Bill Burr's, and it hasn't changed. Well, his podcast is like Tim's in a way that he's got that muscle where he can just rant. Fucking crazy. With no one on for hours.

You ever try to do that? I've done a few podcasts solo. They're not as, it's not my thing. It's hard. I could do it with just me and Jamie. It was just me and Jamie. See, the way Tim Dillon does it. It was just you and Jamie.

You're like, Jamie, put this on. Yeah. Yo, look at that. Exactly. Jamie, don't do that. I talk shit. We'd be fucking with each other. But like, that's one of the things that tim has a massive advantage he has his

producer ben so ben is sitting there laughing at everything he says so he's got like this one in yeah in the house crowd which is important because if you're doing it by yourself you're like is what i'm saying funny right but that's the thing about bill he's not worried about whether or not he's saying something funny or not. He doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, but he makes himself laugh. Yes. Which is very funny. Yes.

I thought of this fucking guy. Yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. No, he's a gem. That was maybe the worst Bill Burr impression. It's not a good one. It's not great.

But he's a gem. I'm going to fucking kill myself, dude. I fucked up. Five, six drinks. I fucking blew it, dude. This is my big opportunity more whiskey you'll be fine yeah i'll get confident it's the last thing this podcast needs you're not confident yet you should be i'm getting there i'm pretty good pretty good should be you should be confident i really do want to i mean that part that snl part was great there's one moment where I was like, and then I was like, I'll just go on

Joe Rogan. And you're like, what? I was waiting for more. I know, I know, I know. I should have helped you there. Dude, you should have seen my face just like, it was fully like. That was my failure as much as yours. I thought about having you on and I thought about like me even rescheduling people, but I was like, like, this guy's just got to go through this. No, I. And I also thought that like perspective that you achieve through time is valuable for something like this. You gotta, you don't want to catch it on the wave. It would have, it would have been worse than this.

It would have been me. It's not that wrong. It would have been me on there just like, what happened? Everybody's mean Fuck Chrissy Teigen That bitch Did she go after you? Of course she did

She's not just getting cancelled She's going through a mental breakdown She might be irrefutably What's the word? Irreparably? No that's not a word Irreparably That's the word I was looking for.

Fuck it. That's three Bud Lights and two shots of whiskey, folks. Yes. St. Rogues. St. Rogues has descended, dude. She seems like a legitimately mentally ill person. Yeah, for sure. She was a model.

Now she's fat. She's fat? No, she's not fat. I'm fat. She's chubby. She's chubby? She was like a, wasn't she a Victoria's Secret? Well, if you not fat. I'm fat. She's chubby. She's chubby? Wasn't she a Victoria's Secret? Well, if you're fat, you can call her chubby.

True. I don't know anything about her. I know he's a musician. This is how out of the loop I am. I don't even know. I find out about good music from my kids. Yeah. But not really.

I think she was a Victoria's Secret model. Yeah? Toss that up. Yes, dude. That's her? Okay. And then she started dating or married John Legend, who's a hot guy. Is he?

Yeah, he's a hot guy. In what way? He's just a good singer. Also, I don't know. Yeah. He's good. I don't know any of his songs. I'm a little banged up, dude.

I shouldn't be speaking on these people. You should. That's the best time to talk uh I'm I 60% of my diet is old hip-hop and classic rock that's 60% of my diet when it comes to music literally the only music there is yeah I love like old school like Gang Star, like Eric B. and Rakim, EPMD. I love listening to shit like that. You know what's funny, though, is when you get canceled or whatever, you get out of nowhere, there's celebrities. Because I was fans of these people, and they just fucking crushed me.

Who crushed you? Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wrote an article on CNN. He was like, this motherfucker stinks. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? All-time leading scorer. Oh, my God. I saw that. He was in a movie with Bruce Lee.

Yeah. Kareem. Shit on me. Oh, Kareem. Khalib Kweli. He's a good rapper. They talked about it a lot. I worked with him this weekend. I like Khalem Kweli, he's a good rapper. They talked about it a lot. I worked with him this weekend.

I like Kaleem Kweli. He went after you? He's got a lady on his podcast that hates me. But that happens. He's a brilliant guy. Yeah, he's awesome. Kaleem is brilliant. He really is.

He's a really good person. You meet him, hang out with him, he's a great guy. And he did these shows with us this weekend. He rapped. It was part of the guy. And he did these shows with us this weekend. He rapped. Like, it was part of the show. Like, and he was a surprise musical guest. So, like, Friday night, DJ Trauma does a set, and then people don't even know Tlaib's going on. And then he goes on, and the place went shithouse.

Yeah, he's great. It was just funny, like, sitting back and, like, getting crushed by people that I was like, damn, I was a fan. Who else crushed you? Well, think of someone. They did. Really? Name one person that tweets. They did.

I don't really pay attention to Twitter. Yeah, there was a couple in comedy. My diet of Twitter is about 10 to 15 minutes a day. Yeah. And I'm always like, what am I doing? And then I shut it off. Yeah. I'll read something and then I'll read somebody saying some wild shit and I'm like, I gotta

get the fuck off here. I want to take those people and put them on a podcast alone. Yeah. And let's just go over your thought process. You know, like what are you doing and what do you think when you release it? Do you ever feel bad? Like once you say something like hurt once you say something like hurt yeah that was another thing like i feel horrible after everything i say yeah everything i do and say i'm like what the who the fuck am i why would i say this yeah and then that was one thing and this was a real weird moment of clarity

i had while i was getting canceled by these people that have always gone after me they've always like in Philly the alt scene always we always had a problem which was weird always they're nerds they are they're fucking nerds I played football they hated me and then I was like laying in bed at night like really thinking about what I had said why people were upset about it and I was like, I don't think they're doing this. I genuinely was laying there. I was like, I don't think they're laying in their bed. Like maybe I'm being mean to Shane. Right. Meanwhile, I was laying up at night. Like maybe I fucked up. Maybe these people, you know what I mean? And that, that gave me some assurance of like, at least I'm second guessing myself. I don't think these people are second guessing themselves at all.

They will if they have to. And that's the thing. You know, do you know Jamie Kilstein? Yeah. Do you know the story with him? I've told this story a hundred times. Yeah, I've talked to Jamie a lot. Yeah.

Jamie was a super social justice warrior. Yeah. And he had like feminist on his, like instead of his, back then you didn't have pronouns on your Twitter bio. Yeah, yeah. Nobody had pronouns. They didn't have pronouns on your Twitter bio. Yeah, nobody had pronouns They didn't have pronouns true. That's new. It's within the last two years. How good how good is a he him on a dude? It's amazing. It's like what are you doing? I'm gonna start putting that on my shirt he him

If someone does that seriously unironically Mike, okay, could the fire my favorite is like she they Yeah, yeah. Oh you mixing it up You making me comply I have to say they if I don't say they If I don't say her I'm a piece of shit but I can say she What Marina Franklin You know Marina Franklin

New York comedian she's great She has a joke about it She has a joke about it She's like the they them thing She's a black lady so she's like this makes me feel like a fucking slave she's like they's gonna be mad it's so funny that's perfect like what them them down by the river that's hilarious yeah that's very good that's very good yeah it's just a way for people to be special.

They don't have to put in any extra effort. But it's also a way, legitimately, for certain people that don't feel like they fit in to any gender to try to have a path carved out. If you say someone's he, him, there's certain people that just don't feel like a he or a him. They feel fucked up. They don't feel it because there's a fucking crazy spectrum of human beings in males and in females. And some people, they don't want to play the game. They're either asexual or they don't care.

They don't feel like they fit into gender norms. Listen, when I joke around about shit, I still get it. Oh, for sure. I still get it I still get it I couldn't imagine what it's like to be a Biological male who doesn't identify With being a male, who doesn't want to be Thought of as a female

And you just want to be they them Can you just leave me the fuck alone, I don't want to be a part of your reindeer games Yeah, but then they're on fucking Twitter Well, okay But sometimes it's not even them It's like other people that want to reinforce them that are the most annoying. Of course. Because they're just

doing it for brownie points. Of course. Yeah. But I get it. Of course. Even though making fun of it, I get it. But I make fun of everything. I make fun of my own children. I get it. I get it. But if you tell me I can't make fun of things

or I'm a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or a transphobe, I say fuck you because I know what you're doing. Yeah. Fuck you. That's not real. That's not real. You can't, I make, I make fun of everything, including myself. I love me and I make fun of me. So what, so what are you saying? I can't make fun of you if I love you? I can't make fun of you or I'm some sort of a person who is in some way demeaning or marginalizing you. That's not true. I'm making fun of life itself. Life itself is a big, messy soup of crazy shit, especially being a person. We've got billionaires flying into space

for no apparent reason I like it one's gonna die yeah it's gonna be wild one's gonna blow the fuck up 50,000 about this guy they're on the way up to space their wives just sitting there watching them take off like please be a challenger yeah they're just thinking is Give me this money, dude. Challenger off right now, dude. Yeah. Right. It's wild.

It's a weird way to die. What, in space? It's like an experimental spacecraft. That's a good way to go. That's a fucking good way to go. Dude, I'm going to all have a heart attack in a hotel at like the Albany Funny Bones. Some dude's going to launch into space and be like, oh shit. When a comic dies on the road that's like, for us, it's a little bit like he went out on a shield.

It's a Viking funeral, dude. Yeah. You died at the fucking, you died in Rochester? Yeah. I think George Carlin died in Vegas at a hotel room. Nice. Where he's performing. See if that's true.

I believe that's true. That's still a little too glamorous. I'd like to die. The places he was performing were not that glamorous's true. I believe that's true. It's still a little too glamorous. I'd like to die. The places he was performing were not that glamorous. I hope I'm in Flint. He was like at the Stardust and shit. Oh, really? One of those places.

There's something about like the New Orleans, the Orleans. Yeah. So he was at a hospital in LA. All right. Well, they probably- The legend was so much better. Where was he when he got before the hospital? Let's say the heart failure at a hospital.

Did he have a heart failure? Find out the weekend before that he was working. How about the guys that die on stage? You ever see those? He admitted earlier in the afternoon with chest pains. Shut up. Damn it. Damn, though, the lore was always that he died on the road.

Like people say, you know he died in Vegas? He was working that weekend. He never stopped working. He was George Carlin. He had money in the bank. I hope I'm fucking. He could have quit. I hope I'm bombing.

I hope a lady says something. Why? I'm like, what'd you say, you bitch? You fucking grabbed his chest. You got me. That was a good heckle. Just fucking die. Man, I should have showed up fucked up.

No. One week after his last performance in Vegas. All right. There you go. I'll take it as a win. That is a win. That's a win. He had one week to sit on that and be like, that show sucked.

He just feels his heart twitching every now and then. I bet before your heart gives out, it probably gives you a few warning shots. I bet it gives you a warning. And like any man, you're going to be like, I'm not going to the fucking doctors. Do you know when you're poor and you have a car and you're starting it and he goes. Yes. Yes. And you know one day that is just going to be click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely everybody's heart. But, like, how else do you want to die? I mean, maybe it would be nice to die around your family, but wouldn't that be very traumatic for them? It's traumatic for them no matter what if you die. If you die. But, you know, you want to be in the room.

I hope I spontaneously combust. I hope it's at Thanksgiving dinner. I'm just like, hey, would you pass me that? And I just burst into flames. I was as close to my grandfather as anybody in my family. And when he died, I remember there was part of me that was, we knew he wasn't doing well. So it was part of me that was relieved that he wasn't in pain anymore. And then, but there was part of me that was, I don't want to be there.

I don't want to be there when that happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched my grandpa die. I was in the room. And he started, like he was laying there and he just started like, oh, oh. And they had to like shove a tube down his throat and they pushed me out of the room yeah and it was just like they know it's over right and so they have to do whatever they can to prolong life isn't that fascinating like how we feel about life like even if a guy's 136 years old if he's in the hospital but you know i'm saying right even if he's like he's done it all if he's in the hospital twitching, they'll get clear.

Clear. Give him heroin. Yeah. Give him something wild. Give him some heroin. Give him a drip. Let him do it himself. I did.

My friend Spud, shout out Spud, shout out Billy. Shout out to Spud. He took Molly with me for the first time. And he was like, my mom died of cancer i watched her get put on every drug imaginable he's like bro if they would have just gave her fucking molly or like gave her like a one of these drugs to just you know what i mean yeah give her something that makes her feel really good before she goes. Oh, you'd like this. That night, the night we were talking about that, me and Spud, we took a couple hits of Molly, and then I ate.

See, I'd always done mushrooms, but I always did, like, a little bit. Like, enough that, like, you'd get giggly. It felt like weed, almost. Right, right, right. It felt like weed without the anxiety. And then one night, I must have eaten like seven grams. Ooh. I mean, bro.

Ooh. I never did that. So we're sitting there. It was my friend Matt's bachelor party. We're outside. We're at this fire. All of a sudden, I blacked out. Like, dude, I couldn't see.

I went like blind. I was sitting there. I was like, yo, guys, I'm blind. And they're like, you're all right. You're all right. You're not supposed to do seven grams with a bunch of people around. You were on Molly, too? I did do a little Molly.

So you started on that. Started on Molly. That seems like that's a little more, too, right? Instead of Jamie. It was a lot. It's like you're precursoring that. I haven't done drugs since. Yeah, you're 100% right. Yeah, but it's funny the way you describe it. You'd be, like, cautious. Like, it seems like. Lookoring that. I haven't done drugs since. It was that extreme. You're 100% right.

It's funny the way you describe it. You're being cautious. It seems like someone should have told you to stop. That's such a crazy idea. First of all, it's a crazy idea to do Molly and mushrooms together. Look, it was the Molly. The Molly took over. Somebody dropped a big Ziploc bag of fucking mushrooms.

Wow. And I was just sitting there munching as many as I could. Oh, my God. To the point where I was having trouble swallowing them. Dangerous. Is it? No. Yeah, there was nothing actually dangerous.

You never really die. But I did die. McKenna thought there was a time where- I did die. McKenna did, I think he did some sort of an MAO inhibitor with mushrooms And it was one of the few times like I've listened to a lot of Terrence McKenna lectures really interesting Not really there weren't lectures It was like he gave these talks that he would do in front of like a couple hundred people who travel around the country and

Do these and he gave one of them about some combination of drugs? I'm not completely sure i remember but i think it was an mao inhibitor and a large dose of mushrooms together and he said that he could feel like his his thought process his ability to think was getting erased he could like like lines of code getting erased yeah that his ability to process thoughts and ability to communicate was like he could watch it get erased. And he was like genuinely concerned that he was never going to come back from it. I'm paraphrasing it. I'm doing my – I haven't heard that in maybe 10 years.

The mushrooms thing. Conversation. Everybody talks. My friend Matt McCusker, he's all about the mushrooms. Shout out to Matt. Matt, the shaman. Matt McCusker he's all about the mushroom shout out to matt matt the shaman matt mccusker shout out to the he's always talking about how it's like a religious ego death like he talks about the ego death and i'm i'm more of a bud light guy you know i'm like dude fuck what are you talking about i took that amount of mushrooms fully. Dude, I had a vision of I kept dying, going to heaven, seeing my dad who's still alive. I would be in heaven with my dad and then I'd get brought back to life with a paramedic shining lights into my eyes like I was overdosing.

It was crazy. I thought you'd be fired up. Wasn't it wild? That's pretty wild. Wasn't it wild for you? It is. No, I wild? That's pretty wild. Wasn't it wild for you? It is. No, I'm trying to absorb it. Wasn't my story wild for you?

It is. I'm trying to absorb it. And it was so vivid. I stopped doing drugs. I was like, that was an overdose. That was an overdose that I would have had if I kept doing drugs. I just. I don't know. One of the things that I think about with psychedelics is how much of the way you think normally plays a part in what you see.

And if that's the case, but if that's the case, what is happening? Like what is happening? Is it that your anxiety and your fear and all your ego is interfering with your imagination and creating these nightmare scenarios that aren't real. Or is it that the way you think about life and the way you behave and the way you treat people changes the world itself? And it changes your world. and it changes your world and it's represented in the psychedelic world that when you embrace a certain mindset and go into these psychedelic experiences and release yourself and allow whatever it is the dmt or the mushrooms or whatever it is to take take a hold of you and take you on a journey then those journeys are generally positive it was extremely negative yeah I wonder but I was it afterwards it was great

yeah I woke up the next day like bro I got to change a lot of things right so that's the thing about negative ones they're not really negative they're just no it's just hard while you're in it's just a hard lesson yeah it's a lesson. I think when people struggle with psychedelic experiences or if people have legitimate mental illnesses that do psychedelics, that's never a good idea. You know,

people that are like hanging on by a thread already and they eat seven bags of mushrooms. Bro, it was, I was staring at people. Like,

we were outside by a campfire and I was literally, I'd be like staring at someone and they'd be like,, and I was literally, I'd be, like, staring at someone, and they'd be like, what are you looking at? I'd be like, because their face would change. They'd have, like, three heads. I'd be like, dude, are you okay?

So that makes me think, like, what is that? You know what's weird is we all kind of see the same things. That's a problem. It's like, you ever have sleep paralysis? No, I haven't. I had sleep paralysis one night, and it was at the foot of my bed. Have you heard of sleep paralysis? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Foot of my bed, there's a long spindly shadowy figure just standing there and it was fully real. It was real. And it walked along the side of my bed, like reaching its hand out of my face. And I woke up, tried to fight it i thought it was it was so real that i thought it was like an intruder you know i mean there's there was no part of me that was like this is a demon i wonder what that is and then months later i found out about sleep paralysis i i had never heard of it googled it and there was a image of exactly what i dreamed on the internet like i saw it

whoa and i was like it gave me fucking chills like it's common and everybody sees the same thing it's crazy but that's what i'm saying what that goes to the mushrooms thing with like the ego death or whatever the people all those dumb fucking hippies want to call it i did experience it even though i'm like ah these fucking dumb hippies i literally experienced an ego death one of the weirdest experiences i've ever had is with 5meo dmt which is a different kind of dimethyltryptamine i think it has like a different molecule attached to it or something and there's no visuals. With regular DMT, it's like these wild, fractal, psychedelic. It looks like a video game.

Yes, and super luminous, and then you have entities that are communicating with you. It's wild things. I'm sorry to cut you off. What are the entities saying? I had a bunch of jokers the last time I did it. Give me the finger. They were all jesters, like with the bells.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're like this. Oh, no. And it made me realize instantly, because my first thought was like, like with the bells. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like this. Oh, no. And it made me realize instantly, because my first thought was like, hey, fuck you. Hey, fuck you guys. My first instinct, like it was all laid out in front of me. They were saying, you take yourself too seriously. Really? Yeah.

And I was like, oh, you're right. Damn, I wish everybody got to see you get that high. Like get that high and be like, hey, fuck you. But it was a real lesson because it's true. And it changed the way, I mean, this was just a few years ago, the last time I did it. I think it was two and a half-ish, three-ish years ago. And I still think of that as, like, that made me a remarkably more relaxed person from that moment on. Because I was realizing like this is tension

when you're worried about what people think about you and there's like a thing if you take yourself too seriously you don't want people to to talk about you a certain way and whatever it was i'm doing this experience um and i'm also in the dmt world and there's these guys going like this fuck you and i'm like what and then i'm like oh and i go like this. Fuck you. And I'm like, what? And then I'm like, oh. And I go like this, like, oh, I get it. Like, it was instantly apparent. Like, I knew I had a, because you're managing a certain level of fame. And sometimes your ego gets in the way or your perceptions are off and you're not willing to readjust.

Whatever it was. But these gestures giving me the finger, I realized exactly what it was about. You take yourself too seriously. I go, oh. And then I had to examine it really briefly. I'm like, you're right. You're right. You're right.

And they all started nodding like that. Wow. And then they went away. And then they went away and it became this beautiful journey. But it was an opportunity for me to have a bad trip. Because not really. Not terrible. It wasn't like demonic shit I was seeing. I were all give me the finger I was like oh my

god there's so many of you it was like fractal there was like a like like who knows how many like there's no way I could count them but there was an like a massive number of jesters giving me the finger and it let me know, like, that shouldn't bother you at all. That shouldn't bother you. You should embrace that. You have two ways to look at that. You could look at that and you could be bothered by it and you could look at that and think that's hilarious.

If it's true. The only reason why you'd be bothered by it is you're connected to your own self-image and you're connected to this idea that you want to project out to all the other people. And the gestures were right. I was like, you're right. It's a great lesson. They're right. It's a great lesson.

They're right. I was like, you're right. You got a good point. You're right. I was like, you're right. I don't know what to do, but you're right. Isn't that, this kind of goes back to the cancel thing, but same thing with like the mushroom thing I had,

where like there's that trauma, the jesters, whatever, however you want to describe it, but there's like you wish you could keep it, because eventually you start to lose it again. You forget that, that, that low point where you have that moment of like, this is what I am. This is, I fuck everybody. You know what I mean? That fucking who gives a fuck attitude. You do lose it. You can, and then you get it back. You gotta, you gotta reinforce it. Yeah. You know, and that's one of the good things about failure. Like, failure forces you to reassess and also, you can get too, like, with comedy in particular, because it's so weird.

Like, no one, there's no director, there's no producer, it's just you. You're writing it and then you're producing it. And then you're performing it in front of everybody. And you could get lost in what you're doing. You need a little failure. You need a little slippage. You need a fucked up word. The word comes out wrong.

You stumble on your words. Those are good, man. They don't seem like they are at the time, but they really are good because that's the only way you're going to reignite your enthusiasm. Yeah. That's kind of where I'm at, which is like just,

I just started doing the cellar and everybody there hadn't seen me do standup. So then I was doing, I was able to do my best material, my old material. I was killing people like, damn, this guy's great. And now it's like,

what do I have anything else? You know what I mean? Yeah. Where's that moment of like, I got to start trying to do new at a club that I'm just at. Like, just film that special. I got to do new. Different places for different things, right?

Like, if you're just doing arenas, you're not going to write new material. You're just not. It's not right. It's just like, it's a detached sort of feeling. Yeah. But there's a thing that's detached about doing a top level club like The Cellar. Yeah. The Cellar's,

it's an A club. Yeah. You know, it's one of the best clubs in the world and it's in Manhattan and everyone knows that Chris Rock

goes up there occasionally. Dave Chappelle shows up and, you know, it's the best comics in the world. David Tell's there all the time. The best comics on earth. So there's a pressure

to a place like that that's not necessarily conducive to creativity. It's good to do open mic nights. It's good to do shows where no one knows you're going to be there. It's good to do shows with small amounts of people. You've got to think about it like training. If you were a fighter, you don't just box.

You have to do jiu-jitsu. You have to wrestle. You have to go to the strength and conditioning gym. If you don't do those things, you won't get as good as if you did those things. Like you could be a successful fighter and just work on takedown defense and punching. And you maybe get pretty far with that. But you won't get as far as a guy who learns jujitsu and a guy who has amazing cardio. You need more weapons.

And a guy who failed. Yes. Like we just saw. Yes. With Poirier. Yes. Isn't that cool? It was was very cool but that was an unfortunate ending oh that stunk because uh apparently that was an existing injury he uh had that ankle scanned uh he had probably kicked someone really hard in training and created a stress fracture and uh john wayne parr and then uh then Eric Nixick from Extreme Couture,

who's one of the top coaches in Vegas, they both put videos up on their Instagram. And when John Wayne Parr noticed that his leg was starting to buckle in a weird way after he threw one leg kick, kicked him in the thigh, because he apparently had a cracked shin going in there. And it was of concern enough that they went to the doctor and got it scanned. Yeah. So when you see him throw a kick, there's one where he hits the elbow.

Yeah, when he blocks it. And then he goes back to sit down, and his leg just gives out on him totally. That leg was already broken. Yeah. He's probably kicking him with a broken leg, and that's what you have to realize. That's what kind of a savage Conor McGregor is. He was kicking him with a broken leg. Man.'s what you have to realize. That's what kind of a savage Conor McGregor is. He was kicking him with a broken leg.

Man. Because he's a left-hander, right? So his left side is the power side. So his left kick's his big kick. And that was the kick that he was throwing, even though he had a broken shin. Pretty wild. That fucking, I mean, it's insane.

It's truly insane. He's wild. That video we were watching of him driving around in a scooter. He's so funny. He's so funny. Nothing but respect for that guy. And people are like, I did not enjoy the way people who are not MMA experts were talking about the conclusion of that fight. And they were saying that Conor is old.

Conor's done, he doesn't have the anger anymore or the drive to become a champ anymore. Horse shit. You people don't know anything about MMA. Let me tell you what happened. You got a guy who went out there, guns blazing to give it his all with a preexisting injury and he got beat by a better man. He got beat by a guy who might have beat him anyway, but took him down, has a superior ground game Dustin beat him up and here's the thing that I was saying going into that fight historically and this is

never an indication of like what can happen in the future because people can improve they get better but historically Connor's really dangerous in the beginning of a fight he's not as dangerous as the fight goes on Dustin Poirier is dangerous for all five rounds and that's a big factor he relishes these combat trench warfare

type fights where like you're five rounds in with Dan Hooker and he'll win it in the fifth round like that's who Dustin Poirier is and he's gone he's had these five round wars. These wars with Max Holloway and Justin Gaethje.

He's had savage fights and gone into the trenches. So he's real confident he can get through those trenches and be victorious. So the problem with the fight is not just that Conor broke his leg. The problem was that Dustin dominated the first round.

Yeah. When Dustin, and he- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was- If he dominates the first round, he's likely the favorite to win the second round. And then he's even more of a favorite to win the third round. But this is just based on historical moments and fights, what Conor has done, and what Dustin has done.

That Conor-Diaz two, though. Oh, my God, that's next. I remember thinking, yeah, but the second fight. The third one's next, I guarantee you. Yeah, it's got to be. That's it. It's got to be. That's the fight.

You can't go right back to Dustin. How great is Nate Diaz? Nate Diaz had fights with no time limit. He'd win them all. He'd be undefeated. That last one. What the fuck? Crazy.

I mean, that's my guy. He hurts Leon Edwards in the fifth round. He points at him. Yeah, he's like, I got you. He didn't care about winning. Oh, my God. I had an argument with someone. They were like, yeah, he let Leon off the hook.

He should have gone after him. I'm like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. He did exactly what you're supposed to do. Leon's not dead. You don't just go after him. You go after him, you run into a straight left. Watch Pat Barry versus Czech Congo, okay? Watch Pete Sell versus Scott Smith.

Yeah. When people go after people recklessly, they get cracked. That just happened to Hardy this last weekend. Well, yes, you're right. He thought, because what's his name? He thought Taito Iwasa was in trouble. He took a misstep, and he tried to charge him, and he got fucking destroyed. You've got to be super careful when you're going after people you think are hurt.

And people who don't know that, they should shut the fuck up. How great is that? The victory points are. Dude, how about his fucking, I don't know if it was this one or the last one, his post-fight interview where he was like, yo, house party at my house. Dude, I was watching that. I was like, this is the greatest dude of all time. He's a gangster.

Well, that was one thing that really popped up that I was trying to express after the first Conor fight. I was like, you guys have to understand, I know you want to promote this one superstar. You got another superstar. He's a goddamn superstar. When I interviewed him after he chokes out Conor McGregor, he goes, I'm not surprised, motherfuckers. So look, I went into that.

You asked me because I was wearing a Notre Dame polo or whatever. You're an Irish fan or whatever, and you like Conor McGregor. I love Conor McGregor but the Nate Diaz the build-up to the first fight when Nate Diaz and Conor were doing interviews with each other I was like dude Nate Diaz is the fucking man because Conor was getting in everybody's fucking heads yeah talking all that shit and then he tried to do it to Nate andate work there was one there's one interview with like cnn business or some bullshit where he like connor's sitting there and he's like ah you're fucking you're skinny fat you're like a gazelle i'm a lion i'll fucking tear you apart and nate just goes no one even knows what a gazelle is dude this is just immediately i was like well

that guy's gonna win dude oh and in the same interview connor connor was like, well, that guy's going to win, dude. Oh, and in the same interview, Conor was like, ah, probably knock him out in the first round. And he was like, he better. And I was just like, oh, it's the meanest shit talk I've ever heard in my life. I was telling people going into that fight because it was a last minute replacement. Someone got injured. Oh, yeah. Dude, this interview is incredible.

I think it was Rafael Dos Anjos, who was a dangerous fight for Conor. He's like, Nate, go get a coffee. And Conor, did you change your approach once it got named Nate for your fight? The only approach I changed is I dug the grave a little bit wider, a little bit longer for Nate's skinny, fat, long body. That's the only difference I made.

Look at Nate. Nate Conner says this has been the easiest training week of his career. Do you think he's overlooking you? Fuck him. Look at the lineups. He has fought little nobodies. Look at my last 20 fights.

Better step it up for this one. Connor, your response to that? His last fight was a decision. I bounce heads off the canvas every time. Against a normal-sized human being. Connor, you said at the press conference last week that you actually like Nick and Nate. Has your opinion changed about that now after this week?

No, there's no emotions in it. I have no problem with him. I'm going to slap the head off him. It's business as usual. I'll put him in. I'll pity him. And, you know, I'll let his gazelle team. You got to recognize that he knows what's real.

He knows this is the real deal. You know. You know. You know it's the real. You know it's the real. You know it's the real. And you'll know Saturday night. Yeah, right.

You'll know Saturday night. You'll know. It's coming. Conor has gone on record by saying that he's going to win by knocking you out. What's your approach? How do you think this fight's going to go down? Yeah, we're going to see what happens to him Saturday. We'll see.

Better hope. He better hope. Yeah, he better hope he gets that knockout. Better hope he gets that knockout. Otherwise, it's going to be a f***ed up night for him. Oh. And Connor, if you don't get the knockout, is it a f*** a up night for him? Ooh. And Connor, if you don't get the knockout, is it a up night for you?

If he's still conscious when he hits the mat, I will crush his hips and pass his guard and mount him and strangle him. You got tapped out by two nobodies. I'll strangle him. How are you the best if you ain't never heard of the guys who tapped you out? Like a boa constrictor wrapped around his long frame.

A boa constrictor wrapping around a gazelle. You were submitted by Lames. Yeah, that was not even that long ago. That was like a week ago. It's called, it is called where he goes, no one knows what a gazelle is. This is America. And finally, it was a power of a power number one

at the time. Hold on, rewind that to the Brazil part. It's all good. Are you intimidated at all? There's going to be a massive contingent of Irish fans just like they're having for a I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Are you intimidated at all by that?

No, never. I never fanned him yet, too. I got him out there. He's a fucking gangster. Connor, you mentioned you buried three bodies in Vegas. Can you? That line when he was like, yeah, I'll probably knock him out in the first round. He's like, he better fucking get that knockout.

Can I just say something right now? They should never do interviews this way. It's the dumbest, most disconnected way. Yeah, they're trying to provoke these guys. Well, not only that, there's two guys who, I don't know if they're MMA fans. I don't know how much they know about MMA. And they have written questions on pieces of paper and they're throwing it out at two guys who are literally

about to engage in the most important fight ever. Yeah, they're laughing. They're having fun. These guys should be in a room somewhere together and there should be a skilled moderator, like a Max Kellerman type dude who can talk to those guys. That's what they should have. That's because that was

2015? Somewhere around there. So it was right before that fight really made MMA it's starting to get to the point where it's treated like the NBA or the NFL. Where they start respecting

it enough to not have guys on fucking Fox Sports, whatever. What's up, Jim? I got that little part. Oh, nice. The lamest lineup of training partners I ever even heard of. I'm just looking at your little frame. Yeah.

And it just reminds me of an injured gazelle. Yeah. Strapped up. People don't know what that means. Take your top off. No one knows what that means. It's in America. Take your top off.

People don't know what that means. Gazelle. Right. People don't know what that means. It's in America. Take your top off. People don't know what that means. Gizelle. Those two guys in suits going. Those guys talking about MMA in that context, it seems so preposterous. With their little scorecards, like reading off the little gotcha questions. That's old media, man. The Money interview, the CNN business or whatever that was, there's a lady asking him questions.

And it's just, he's like, Nate, we're talking money. Get us some fucking coffee. And Nate just takes the mic off. He's like, fuck this. That's funny. And she. Did she know about MMA? No, definitely not.

She's talking to Connor and she's like, what's your plan? He's like, my plan is to make $100 million. And she's like, how are you doing right now? And he goes, I'm steaming right along. Steaming right along. At the time, he was it. Fuck it. I remember him saying, he said he wants to make $100 million.

She goes, how are you doing right now? He goes, I'm steaming right along. So I Googled his net worth. At the time, it was like maybe a million. It was just very funny to be like. That's his confidence. And now he is. Now he is there.

Five years later. Now he's worth like a half a billion dollars. Now he's, yeah. I knew that guy was special in 2013 i was watching him fight in england i reached out to him on twitter i was like we had a little twitter back and forth in 2013 i said i hope to be calling your fights one day in the ufc that's awesome yeah it's a good documented somewhere him and i going back and forth together because i saw him fight online i

was like this kid is doing he's moving in a very special way actually you know what there's a good example of like you know how i was talking about earlier about like when you see someone say something fucked up and your instant reaction is just like fuck them right his post-flight interview yeah that whole thing it's like bro he just shattered his leg right lost what would you be rubber match i'd be bro i would be scream crying yeah i'd be like you motherfucker the amount of pain he was in right then too and he's so he was like animalistically angry you could see him like. I mean. And people are like, why did you interview him? He actually brought me over.

He goes, come on over here. Let's have a podcast. He didn't fucking break my fucking leg. He said like, come on, Joel, let's have a fucking podcast. He asked me to sit down next to him. I was like, how am I going to do this? I feel like I should just get something out of him. No, it was good. Because I knew, even if you recognize the fact that he's emotionally charged up like that,

this is just him expressing himself while he was emotionally charged up. And it was truly... It says me and Rogan framed this in the studio. By the way, Connor, I'm framing this in the studio. Bro. Dakota Meyer,

our friend from the podcast and great American hero, is actually, he's got a company that does that look at that fucking face we're framing that that's gonna be in the studio what an animal there you go Connor what a beast as soon as he said that I'm like of course

I'm gonna frame that take that scooter down here Connor come on man let's talk let's have some fun come let's do a podcast Connor he's a special person you know it's like it takes a special person to even Let's talk. Yeah. Let's have some fun. Come, let's do a podcast, Connor. He's a special person. You know, it's like it takes a special person to even want to fight the way he's fighting with a half a billion dollars in the bank.

He's probably literally like the richest guy that ever really wanted to fight hard. Yeah. You know? I mean, even Floyd Mayweather, as rich as he is, and he's one of the all-time greats, if not the greatest boxer of all time, he's fighting people that have zero chance of beating him. Yeah. Right?

Because he's smart. Because he's like, I'm just going to make a lot of money here. Conor is fighting Dustin Poirier. He's fighting Cowboy Cerrone. He's fighting Khabib Nurmagomedov while he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. How terrifying is that guy's responses to these things? He's my favorite response ever. It is the scariest.

There's nothing like when Connor was like, I only count knockouts in my record. And then you just see like a reply from Khabib that's like, I take people into deep waters and they discover themselves. It's like, dude, what the fuck is this guy talking about? What's scarier than a white Muslim just talking shit, dude? I take people into deep waters and they discover themselves. That should be the name of his book.

Dude. That should be the title of his book. His social media. Khabib? Today he posted a picture of him with a bunch of figs. This is the scariest guy on earth. He's amazing. Look at him.

What is that? Oh, dates. What does it say? This is not even, oh, from all the way from Dubai to USA. Thank you so much, brother. These are my scariest. These are my favorite dates. These are my favorite dates.

Bro, he smashed everybody. There's never been a guy like him. That guy made it to undefeated as a world champion. And the last guy he beat was what many people thought would be his most dangerous challenge, and he almost had him in the first round. He got him in the second round. He's the greatest of all time. That wasn't even close.

Poirier came close. Poirier came close. Poirier almost got him in a guillotine. He almost got him in a guillotine. It was just like A few adjustments And maybe if he was less tired You never know A human's a human

But Yeah but that guy Really elite grapplers It's hard to submit them man They can get out of stuff better Good god That guy's up there Fucking wrestling bears in the mountains

When he was a little kid He's so There was one I keep bringing up these fucking UFC interviews, but there's one with him, and I think it was Max Holloway. And Khabib's just like, you're American.

Don't talk to me about fighting. Wow. And it was just like... Wow. Terrifying, bro. That fight never took place. They pulled Max... Oh, really?

Yeah, Max was cutting weight, and the New York Athletic Commission decided he was too skinny. He couldn't make it. He couldn't make the weight. And he's like, I could have made the weight. He goes, yeah, it would have been hard, but I could have made the weight. They just stepped in and decided. I don't know, man.

Of course, that's how fighting goes. The problem was he's losing a lot of weight over a short amount of time but when it comes to skill level max is at a very very very high level very high level and he's also a very good grappler and he's really good moving so if he could keep if he can keep the fight going the thing about a guy like max holloway is like he never gets tired so if he can get you into the third fourth and fifth round if you don't have the cardio to keep up with Max, you're fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he throws crazy volume.

Like, the last fight that he had with Calvin Cater is, like, literally one of the greatest performances I've ever seen inside the Octagon against Calvin, a guy who's, like, really fucking dangerous, man. Like, real scary guy. really fucking dangerous man like real real scary guy no one no one is ever close to as scary as khabib though it's pretty scary fucking that while he was fighting connor and he was like now we talk yeah come on we're talking holy shit let's talk now while he's punching him in the face the best thing he said during the lead up to the connor fight, he goes, I want to change his face. Think about seeing that.

I get upset about comments. He's not that funny. I'm like, what'd you say? But I'm telling you, man, you don't make... Those guys all need each other. As crazy as that sounds. The sport needs a Khabib. You need a guy who's so ultra super dominant that he makes everybody else rise up yeah they're all better because of khabib Nate Nate and Connor

yeah Nate Nate's even khabib Connor and Connor needed khabib he needed someone who's a no-nonsense guy because he's all about all this style and all the fucking talking expensive watches and driving around the the roads. Look at us. We're half a Billy. Tree men died making this watch. Yeah, exactly. What a truly bad thing to say. But meanwhile, Khabib drives a Toyota truck.

Yeah, bro. And he lives in the same house he grew up in. It's like that kind of a person. He's just about hard work. Man. That's a wild picture, man. That's a wild picture man it's a wild picture now we talk it had to be oh that had to be a bummer getting hit by somebody being like now you want to talk it was a wild fight to call man because then the melee broke out after the fight

because khabib wasn't done people were talking shit on the side of the ropes or the side of the cage rather he jumped all over the cage went after him like that's a wild motherfucker that's the craziest thing ever wild having a fight for four rounds with Conor McGregor And then jumping over the cage and fucking up people in the crowd This is he's not playing this isn't a game. No he's ready to fight to the death. Yeah, there's no business There was no business. Yeah You know it's funny. Don't talk about fights you live in America. Oh, it was like he was like What do you know about fighting your phone back? I'm from fucking Dagestan. It's funny. Don't talk about fights. You live in America. Oh, he was like, what do you know about fighting? You're from America.

He's like, I'm from fucking Dagestan. It's true, though. Yeah, of course it is. Hard places create hard people. That's a hard motherfucker. Kind of incredible. People like that are so important. Nate's the best.

He's one of the best, for sure. Now, I don't know about the best at it. No, as a character. Just the best guy possible's one of the best, for sure. Now, I don't know about the best at it. No, as a character, yeah. Just the best guy possible. One of the best ever. Mm-hmm. But all of them. You know what?

This is why I never got into pro wrestling. These guys exist in reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not scripted. And I know people love pro wrestling, and I get it. And I got into these whole A&E documentaries on pro wrestling recently. They were really good. I was like, oh, I get pro. And I got into these whole A&E documentaries on pro wrestling recently. They were really good. I was like, oh, I get pro wrestling.

Yeah. But for me, the real people are the fascinating ones. Like Conor McGregor. That's who he is, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dustin Poirier. That's who he is. That's what's fascinating to me.

Francis Ngannou talking about working in the sand mines when he was 10 years old, digging wet sand. What the fuck, man? Can you fucking imagine? Can you fucking imagine? If you had to fight fucking Francis Ngannou. Just the paralyzing fear you'd have leaving your locker room. You're a firefighter in Cleveland.

But he's also the greatest heavyweight of all time. Of course. Francis fought and knocked out the greatest heavyweight of all time in Stipe Miocic. Yeah. It's crazy. Francis is a, he's like when extreme determination meets massive character developed by ruthless path in life meets great technique and discipline and hard work and

superior genetics. All those things collide to this perfect specimen of a wrecking machine. Stipe. What happened? I just Googled him to see what was up with it. He's going to be in Jackass 4. Who is? Francis Ngannou. What?

I want you to read this quote. Jackass 4 will feature Francis Ngannou. Ngannou? What? I want you to read this quote. Jackass 4 will feature Francis Ngannou in nut shot scenes. Read his quote. They're going to let someone punch. Francis is going to punch people in the nuts? Yes. No. Oh, my God.

My balls hurt. Don't do it. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen, man. I had to punch somebody in the nuts. Ngannou said. I did it the first time, and they said, listen, man, we know you. People know that you're the hardest puncher in the world. It wasn't hard enough.

I was like, are you kidding me? Like, I can hurt this guy. Did he at least have kids or something? Did he at least have kids or something? He's a nice guy. He doesn't want to destroy those nuts. I love the fact that they are like, these dudes are such warriors that they're like, they speak in like, that's like tribal.

Like, did he extend his legacy yet? Yes. Because I'm about to end it. Exactly. Well, also he's well aware of what he can do to pulverize those nuts. Dude, that, yeah. If he uppercuts you in the nuts, that's a wrap, kids. If a girl, if a kid hits you in the balls.

It's not good. You get socked by a kid? Well, I know a couple guys who lost a ball from sparring. Like they didn't have a cup on or did something stupid. One of the guys was fighting in the UFC. He got kicked in the nuts in a sparring session. He didn't bother putting his cup on. Thought he was sparring light.

Ruptured his testicle. Lost it. Now he's got one nut. He ruptured it? Yep. Got kicked to the part where it got pulverized. And these are, you know, 170-pound men. I don't know about the fucking strength of a testicle.

Does it get larger when you get bigger? I don't. But if a guy's a 170-pound man and he can crush your nuts, what does a 270-pound man do? And a 270-pound man is the most terrifying puncher or one of since, you know, in the history of the sport. The only other guy that's as terrifying as him is Derrick Lewis, who they were supposed to fight. But now it looks like Derrick Lewis is going to fight Cyril Ghosn. God. The interim title.

If they made Derek Lewis, it's almost like they shouldn't have heavyweights. Why's that? It's so bad. If they hit you? Dude, it's so bad. Like, Derek Lewis versus Ngannou? Yeah, it's going to be wild. That's bad. We shouldn't do it.

It's like Russell Peters' dad would say, somebody's going to get hurt real bad. One of those dudes is leaving bad But the first fight was they were both very hesitant To pull the trigger Yeah cause somebody's gonna die The repercussions are so extreme Cause both guys have like super legit one punch knockout power They need to let that fucking Matinho guy

Fight in Ghana Who's that? The dude who was just swallowing everything O'Malley had Oh Chris Mutino Yeah that kid That's a tough fucking kid who's that the dude who was just swallowing everything o'malley had oh chris mutino yeah that kid that's a tough fucking kid that's crazy that's a tough tough that was fucking crazy swallowed everything and was talking shit he's just getting popped and o'malley is a sniper yeah you know o'malley had i believe i don't want to misquote this but i believe he broke two records in that fight or came close to one record of the, over a three-round fight,

the highest percentage of accuracy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he broke that. Every jab. Yeah, I think it was in the 80% range, somewhere in 80% of all the shots he threw landed, and I think he landed the most amount of strikes, which is crazy too. That Moutinho kid, Chris Moutinho is a

monster. He's a monster. He just keeps coming towards. You can't keep doing that. No, no, you can't. That was good. That was it. That was good. You were good for one on that one. Look, he's a legend now, no matter what. If he retired for the rest of his life, that kid's a legend. I was just, I was really shocked they stopped that fight. I didn't know what to say. Ah, it was 30 seconds. Yeah, it was, I think it was less. I think it shocked they stopped that fight. I didn't know what to say. Ah, it was 30 seconds. Yeah, I think it was less. I think it was in the 20s. But it's like, the thing is, like, Herb Dean is the best.

Like, if he stops a fight, I go, man, maybe he's seeing some shit I'm not seeing. I think he knew O'Malley had to finish him for O'Malley's sake. Like, Sean O'Malley was going to go for the kill. Oh, yeah. And it was like, we don't even need to waste our fucking time on this. for O'Malley's sake. Sean O'Malley was going to go for the kill. Oh, yeah. And it was like, we don't even need to waste our fucking time on this. I understand he went the distance, but we don't need this certainly vicious knockout that is coming.

I think you're probably absolutely right, especially a guy like Herb who's super considerate and really he's about protecting fighters that aren't defending themselves he was trying his hands up but the thing is like O'Malley was just sliding those punches straight through those gloves around those gloves yeah he was landing head kicks body kicks he was going like this yeah he's dribbling he's pretending he's fucking around yeah he's like yo this fight's for the Phoenix Suns. I'm just like. He's amazing. These guys are. I love him. Still, again, Nate Diaz, dude.

Best post-fight interview. Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised, motherfuckers. I'm not surprised, motherfuckers. It's the most. It's the coolest thing you could ever hear. Ever. Especially after you beat the guy who's favored.

The guy. Beat the guy. You're bloodied. Yeah. Nate Diaz, you just shocked the world world out of you. I'm not surprised motherfucker dude How about fucking house party at my house though? I know he's real He's a guy's never changed who he is you know him and his brother are both like wild fitness for that

Oh, dude. Well his brother just signed to fight who'd he sign to fight? We're at brother just signed to fight who'd you sign to fight that's right where at what day is that to take a mess I'm sorry 266 Oh September 4th yeah I don't think I'm gonna be there for that one unfortunately you watch I watch Nate Diaz Nick Diaz brothers compilations on YouTube. Yeah, they're amazing characters. And they're the real deal. Those guys do a lot of triathlons. It's one of the reasons why they're so durable. They're always in insane shape. They don't get tired

like everybody else gets tired. They have insane endurance. Like Nick Nick he swam back from alcohol this is like from the last time I talked about this was like four or five years ago. But he swam from Alcatraz five times. He might have done it more since then. Because I said two once.

He goes, no, five times now. I was like, five times? September 25th, actually. September 25th. Yeah, I'm out of town that weekend unfortunately look at that fight that's a wild fight it's a five rounder

I believe and he hasn't fought I mean when was the last time Nick fought I want to say it's Anderson Silva that fight where

he pretended to lie down yeah he kept lying down yeah yeah it's to be wild Let's wrap this up Shane Yeah man I think we did more than three hours right

Nice I got my flow there Tell everybody how to get a hold of you On social media At Shane M Gillis Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, and Gillian Keeves on YouTube. Check it out.

Gillian Keeves on YouTube, legitimately the best guest show out there. It's fucking awesome. Thanks a lot. It's really good. You go for it. It's really exciting. I'm excited to have people here and watch it.

All right. Bye, you fucks. Thanks.