The Joe Rogan Experience - #1686 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and host of "The Skeptic Tank" podcast available on Spotify.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day you decided to shave your head now huh yeah i like it what it's better right it's smoother and it's easier yes yeah so much better imagine going to a barbershop now god took care of a lot of it god took care of it yeah god cursed you too much scalp i want it back do you i want i yeah i really want to do a mohawk correctly oh and i want it for a little bit remember how much fun i'd have my hair well you could do stuff with your hair to get it back that's not as dangerous as that the staples no no no no no no there's ways there's there's a guy named Derek he's got a website called more plates more dates and he he talks a lot about hormone optimization

all kinds of but also recovering hair loss and there's a bunch of different things you can do this topical shampoos that remove dht from the scalp that help bring your hair back it'll get back i don't know man you're pretty far gone that's i there's this um amazonian like treatment for it amazonian yeah on ungarawa and um and then i found this lady who was like uh there's a lot of fake shit on the market there. Can I curse on this? I'm so sorry. Drop, buzz, drop. Sorry, I won't do it again.

That's hilarious. And so she could smell it and tell like, that's real. Like, oh, no way. That's got a lot of corn oil. And I was like, see this botanist guy. I was like, will it work? And he was like, yes.

And then he looks up and he goes, unless you're too far gone, then it will not work. But he goes, none of those people in the Amazon have hair loss. Really? And that's why. Yeah, all those fucking, we talked about all those. Mostly it's genetic, though.

Yeah. Yeah. Mostly it's genetic. If a lot of people in the Amazon don't have it, I doubt it's because they're all rubbing leaves on their head. I get what you're saying. Because it's not a common thing amongst Native Americans that are pure blood. Pure blood, rather.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, people that are pure Native American, it's not a very common thing. Everyone talks how hard pure blood. Really? Yeah. People that are pure Native American. It's not a very common thing. Everyone talks how hard it is to be Native American. But the full locks of hair. Well, you do have to realize that 95% of them died from the plague. Yeah.

And then there's the litter also, which they never liked. Litter? You know. Oh, the Indian that cried? Yeah. The pollution? The last 5% was like, come on, guys. There's 5% of us left, and you're chucking shit in our yard? Yeah, I was listening to this thing where these settlers, post-smallpox, were arriving in towns,

and there would be no one in the town. It would be ghosts, and they thought the people had abandoned the town they hadn't figured it out yet but it would literally like the entire town was wiped out from the plague from the plague yeah that was a really common thing they think that's what happened to south america they think that's what happened to the amazon they think that the lost city of z the lost city of zed however you want to say it they think that that was a massive civilization that existed in the Amazon. And then the European settlers came down and just like they did with the Mayans, just like they did with the native Americans, just like they did with, they brought horrible

fucking diseases and everybody died. Wow. That's the number one theory. Cause like people are thinking about what's going on right now. Right. Um like see how uh even a disease that doesn't kill you know a high percentage of people can spread throughout this entire country and yeah hundreds of i mean i don't know how many people have been infected by covid now it's got to be in the millions right we've got it and recovered now imagine if that was smallpox then they're all dead they're all dead. They're all dead. Wow, yeah. Yeah.

Most of them are dead. Like it's a high percentage. Especially back then. And the people that survive, you're horribly scarred forever. You have these just horrible pock marks all over your face. And they had no antibodies for that shit, right? Nope. For whatever the settlers came with? Even the Europeans had a rough time with that.

But for the Native Americans, everything the Europeans brought over, all their diseases. It was all new. All of it was new. No one had any immunity to it. And so these people who, the Europeans who were surviving with these diseases, came in and infected untold numbers of people. They don't even know how many people died from the plague in the Native American populations. They just think the estimate is somewhere in the neighborhood of 90 plus percent

of all the people are dead. How many Indians were there? That's what they think. They think there was millions. But when, you know, by the time like the 1800s came around and they started trying to round them up and put them in reservations and all that horrible shit, there was way less.

But like in 1550, 1492 whatever like how many? Do they have any estimate of how many there were millions? They think two millions a hundred to question It's hard to say right because they're the record they have like One of the things that happens is like you have the first wave of people that come in like 14 whatever East Coast Yeah, they land and then who knows how many fucking people they infect. Right away and they spread it, spread it, spread it.

So if another wave comes back in 50 years, how many people are left? How many people died from the initial infection? Yeah. But all these books about Native Americans

talk about just a wave through people. 60 million, what is that? 60 million in 1492. Damn, that's a bright, look at that TV. By combining

all published estimates from populations throughout the Americas, that's a bright... Look at that TV. By combining all published estimates from populations throughout the Americas, we find a probable indigenous population of 60 million in 1492. Europe's population at the time was 70 to 88 million. See, scroll down there. What killed 90% of the Native American population between 1560

and smallpox? When the New Europeans arrived, carrying germs which thrived in dense semi-urban population the indigenous people the Americans were effectively doomed That is amazing that 90% Scary fucking number man That a flat screen. That's really nice. Of course. It's flat screen. What do you live in the past, bro? What are you saying? Every once in a while you see like where on TV the big swear on TV? The big boxes still out there. People still have those?

You see it and you realize that's somebody old just died. Oh, yeah. For sure. Or got put in a home. Or like, who would still have it? My grandpa had one of them cabinet ones where you open up the cabinet. And it's part of it? And the TV was like a part of the furniture.

Jeez, yeah. It was so classy. And then underneath was where all the VHS tapes went? There was no VHS tapes when he had it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there was none of that. And then a lot of times what would happen, that TV would die,

and they would put a new TV on top of the cabinet. That's right. That would be the move. That's right, because you can't throw away the cabinet. It's a nice cabinet. Damn. It's a beautiful piece of furniture. It was ornately designed and all deal,

and you open up the cabinet to watch TV, and you slide the doors into the sides. Oh, yeah, the thing would come out, too. You put it in the slider. Yeah. Yeah. Classy. Old tubes.

They have black and white TV. There's people doing art stuff with them now. They're, like, picking them out and, like, putting, like, flowers in there or something. Yeah, but that's art you don't really want. Right? Like, okay, I see what you did. I appreciate that you're not just trying to throw it out but who wants that in their house yeah but you're like

it's got no swords in it this art sucks you'd be like look at this stupid old cabinet it's kind of cool though but so are old computers right like if you have like a apple two remember the um the colorful apples when they changed like cut like you canMAX. Uh-huh. You could see the inside, too. That was like, damn. They could bring a new version of that back, but now the IMAX are thin as that pad you have. Yeah. They just did that. They're all colors now.

Oh, really? Like the first time in 15 years. Yeah, they got gold. But not crazy colors. Oh, yeah, that's right. What do they look like? It's just like the flat screen with the colored back. Let me see what it looks like.

They're so thin now. Yeah. It's really amazing. I screen with the colored back. Let me see what it looks like. They're so thin now. Yeah. It's really amazing. I put a protector on it, but like. Ooh, like that. Look at you. You got a plastic protector on your laptop. How can you protect your laptop?

Not everything else in your life. I was breaking it the last one. You mean condoms? Because this doesn't feel worse. Look at that. Oh, they're sweet. Oh, like a real iMac. That's so thin.

Like an iPad. That's how real iMac. That's so thin. Like an iPad. That's how thin they are. That's amazing. And that's like all you need, right? That does everything you need. You definitely can't play this on sound because they bought the rights to this. Some fucking hip music to play behind it, right? I'm sure they did.

They fucking robbed the Beatles or whatever. It's pretty beautiful, though. Those look fucking clutch. Is that Ali Mikoski in that fucking commercial? Ali's trying to get paid. Leave her alone, bro. Yeah, those are dope. Yeah, that's right, right?

11.5 millimeters thin. Holy shit. That's tiny. Is that real size? That sounds awesome until you realize you don't know what a millimeter is. I know what it is. How dare you? I just found out how much a kilogram is.

I found out I'm 90 kilogram is found out ninety point seven kilograms yeah heavy that's a kilograms in Celsius like get the fuck out of here with that like on the wall up there always changes to Fahrenheit thank the baby Jesus it was Celsius for the only way to learn so confusing yeah you have to leave it at Celsius yeah you have to leave it and like slowly start to learn yeah cuz you look at 24 celsius you're like that ain't meanwhile you're gonna die no 24 celsius is not bad isn't it like 100 degrees no that's a 34 celsius yeah 34 35 is i'm thinking 34. i was in uh vegas uh last weekend and it was 117 degrees 1177, dude. It was so hot. We got off the plane.

It was like, holy shit. It was like a hair dryer just blowing in your face. It's dry, but it beats down on you sometimes there. There and Phoenix would get you like, fuck. Exactly. Exactly. There and Phoenix. I was walking on the strip in Vegas a long time ago, and my Chuck Taylors on the cement,

so walking like 30, 40 minutes, started to melt. It started to feel like I stepped in gum on both shoes whoa really yeah too hot holy shit yeah it's not made for that you can melt your sneakers it can get that hot what what temperature do sneakers melt that rename this podcast let's look it up with Joe Rogan. Yeah, you would need work shoes. You would need like fucking heavy duty work boots to walk. Oh yeah, exactly.

Like something fucking really thick. You couldn't have steel toe because they'll burn your toes. Yeah, I got some dress shoes from David August that are, they have leather on the bottom of them. I've never owned a pair of shoes that have leather soles. Interesting. Yeah. So you have to scuff them up. So I haven't scuffed them up. Otherwise they're real slippery. That's why I the bottom of them. I've never owned a pair of shoes that have leather soles. Interesting. Yeah, so you have to scuff them up.

So I haven't scuffed them up. Otherwise, they're real slippery. That's why I would never wear them. I'm like, these things, you're putting yourself at a significant handicap just walking around. Shabba shoes. Oh, shit. They were so hot in Texas a couple years ago. Wow.

Look at that. It's really melting. Oh, so the glue was melting. Maybe, yeah. Yeah. Damn. God damn. But that's only 106 degrees. It takes 250 to melt rubber, so the glue was melting. Maybe, yeah. Yeah. Damn. God damn. But that's only 106 degrees.

It takes 250 to melt rubber, so. Huh. So how the fuck, well, I guess it's just. Well, the cement takes more. Yeah, so I was looking up how hot it gets. I'm glad you found that, because when I said it was melting, and then it was like, how hot does that have to be? I'm like, could this be a false memory?

If it looked like you're dead wrong. There was a thought at one point in time like there was a suggestion to paint all the roads white to try to eliminate some of the heat that comes in cities which really makes sense like you look at all the streets they're all black black is the worst in terms of reflecting the sun that makes it very hot and they were going to paint everything white what happened i don't know. I think they probably realized that cost a lot of money. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good idea. Who's going to do that? Yeah. So you're in, did you go back to New York? You're in New York. Back to New York. Got a new place. You're in South America for how many months? Ses meses.

Six months. How do you say that? Ses. Ses meses? Meses. Is meses a month? Yeah. It's plural.

How good are you at speaking Spanish? It got a lot better, for sure, for sure. Because you can have conversations with people? Yeah. I mean, okay. So if you put me in like legal situation, I'm like, oh, I don't come across these words much. Or like the dentist.

I'm like, this is all new. What if you say, how do I buy marijuana? KS, fuck, where's buy buy it's already dropped a little bit um really it's a purchase fuck i forgot that word you lived with a family mota yeah mota marijuana no mota is marijuana oh mota yeah this is funny yeah marijuana is a mexican word you'd be like, ¿tienes mota? ¿Tienes mota? Do you have mota? Why is it mota? I don't know. Instead of marijuana? Well, marijuana is-

I think they call it marijuana, though. That word comes from a Mexican word for wild tobacco. It's a slang for wild tobacco. That's why they used it during the scare days. Yeah. Like during the Harry Anslinger like during the you know harry anslinger the wild like black guys are gonna fuck your wives exactly exactly that's what they did to try to scare people they called it marijuana because if they called it cannabis people knew

that that was used for hemp and that was already used as textile and it was already a commodity yeah so to ban it they had to make sure that they made it something exotic so they called it marijuana and all these people freaked out yeah it's funny that they don't even use that term in mexico it's pretty really yeah just stolen from you're saying mota you could find it there but it was like it was difficult i don't know if it was um covid stuff oh yeah because like the nightclubs weren't open and that's people like go to the nightclubs but that's where i'd get, but they're not really open right now. Interesting. Yeah.

So when we found some, we found some, and we're like, it took like a week and a half, two weeks, and we're like, fuck, we might not get some. We kept looking at people that were smoking, like, can we go up to them and say, can I buy some off you? But that's so weird. Like, if you were smoking with me, and someone was like, can I buy some weed, you'd be like, no. Even if it was legal, I'd be like, this is mine.

Well, not only that, you have to worry about organized crime, right? You have to worry about getting wrapped up with the wrong humans. Yeah, I wasn't worried there. You weren't in a bad spot? That's just Guayaquil. The rest was all pretty cool. That's just where? Guayaquil, Guayaquil.

That's where the gangs are. Oh, okay. It's the biggest city. This is in Ecuador? Mm-hmm. But then when we found some, they're like, do you have? And he was like, yeah. It's the biggest city. This is in Ecuador? Mm-hmm. But then when we found some, they're like, do you have? And he was like, yeah,

I can get some tomorrow. I can make my buddy to a head shop. He's like, I'll bring it back tomorrow. So he did. And he was like, how much do you want? And we're like- A pound. Well, yeah.

So I go, how much is it? He goes, it's like a dollar a gram. So you can get 30 grams for 30 bucks. And I was like, oh, I don't know if we want like an ounce, maybe just like a quarter ounce. And my was like no we're gonna take an ounce it's 30 even if it's terrible and it's so strong really so strong like california weed no stronger okay not as strong more psychedelic i was sitting smoking in the Amazon and it starts seeing lines

Like lines in the horizon like, you know, when you're like tripping a little yeah, it was like that It wasn't that it would obliterate me the way like heavy like I don't know blue dream would do But like yeah, you would get these psychedelic waves. Do you think it was laced? Yeah, really for sure with what? I don't know people said they put acid on it, but I don't think you can like smoke acid Let's find out so Jamie Next on looking it up. I'm thinking about the lines. Yeah, it was it was weird And and we were like, oh, maybe I just haven't smoked a lot and then both of us like no we're potheads So there's no like we know what this is something different. Yeah

Huh, it was what and then we went back and we're like, do you have anything not so strong? And he goes, I can get like some fluffier flour. And it was 30 bucks for one gram. Oh. And it wasn't as strong. Their whole system is fucked. Wasn't as strong, but it's more pure. So they're giving you some shit that's.

I don't know. And it was all mushed down. Like, you know, it's wet and like smushed. I bet it had a little acid. It had to have something in it. It had to. We thought about it over and over again. You was all mushed down. It's wet and smushed. I bet it had a little acid. It had to have something in it. It had to. We thought about it over and over again. You've done acid many times.

You know what acid feels like. Did it feel like acid? It felt a little bit like that. Interesting. But doesn't edibles feel a little bit like acid at times? Do you think so? I think when you close your eyes. How many times have you done that?

Yeah, maybe when you start seeing stuff when your eyes are closed. Yeah, maybe. Edibles get pretty psychedelic at high doses when you're closing your eyes and it's dark out. They just bury me. Yeah, but when you close your eyes, you see wild shit. And you start seeing stuff.

I remember I was on a plane once and I saw these neon cartoons fucking. It was just all these neon cartoons just fucking and making more neon cartoons they were just make constantly make but they were like neon like really bright and i remember humanoids yeah yeah it was sort of humanoid but kind of some of them were like like goofy or donald duck oh ish you know just like cartoonish but they were all trying to fuck wow and they were all like made out of neon they

were almost like no well i was awake yeah but i had my eyes completely closed i wasn't just like i was obliterated obliterated it's no way to fly i was just closing my eyes and i was just watching these things happen they were just well almost like fractal like they were they were giving birth and making new cartoons and fucking each other. Damn. Damn. It was wild. I've never had that on Edibles. That's cool. I was so blasted.

I was so blasted. I think that was one of the trips with Joey where he would give you those Chiba Chews and you didn't know what you were doing. You don't know what you were doing. Until halfway in, you're like, oh my God. You see him smiling and you're like, fuck. I can't get out of this. Yeah.

Oh, you can't get out of it. Yeah. And his ability to absorb them is insane. This is so stunning how much he can put in his body and tolerate. He's like, I saw him the other day and he's like, I barely even do any intervals where I get high on like, I forgot the number he gave me, like 100 milligrams. I'm like, that's massive still. Yeah.

That's way more than anyone. 100 milligrams is a good dose. People take five. People take 30. And people are like, that's like yeah pro You're on the front dabs level my favorite thing to do With air travels 200 milligram dose It's just if you know you got to be in a few hours. Yeah, no you gotta be in a plane for six hours

You know you could just Curl up in that chair and just be obliterated for five hours the old breast strip days would get me 25 would get me that for five hours. The old breast strip days would get me 25, would get me that for six hours. Those were so inconsistent. Yeah, they were. Sometimes they would get you nothing. And sometimes you'd be fucked.

Yeah. You never knew. Yeah. You never knew. It sounds like you cannot smoke LSD. Interesting. What can you lace weed with? Fentanyl I've heard of a lot. Hell yeah.

I'm a huge fentanyl fan now then. Or PCP. Oh, maybe that. But they would have had to spray it'm a huge fentanyl fan now then PCP Oh maybe that But like they would have had to spray it on there or something I bet you had PCP I don't know how you would have done that Do you know that PCP is essentially the same thing as ketamine? Oh

Yeah I didn't know that Interesting I wouldn't know that Dr. Carl Hart explained that to me Wild right? Yeah Would never think Although like PCP is the crazy drug You run through walls and fight the cops.

Yeah, right. Yeah, jump out of a building and get right back up. Yeah, you don't give a fuck. Run through a glass window. Well, they mislabel a lot of drugs sometimes where they're like, this guy was on like, they had marijuana system. Like, no, no, no, no, no.

It was bath salts. Or they call it something and you're like, you find out later what it actually is because they're too much of a nerd to actually know there's a new drug in the market. The bath salt days were hilarious. Yeah. Remember those days?

Eating face? Yeah. The eating face guy. That guy ate some dude's face. And a cop was like, lost it. He was like, I don't know what to do. He's like, stop eating his fucking face. And he just shot the guy.

He was like, stop eating his face immediately. Bro, have you ever talked to cops about some of the things they've seen? Like dark stuff? I should now from now on. I had a conversation recently with a cop who was telling me some horrible shit. He caught a guy as he murdered his wife in front of their kids. He was there as he murdered her on top of her strangling her. Wow.

Yeah. They got there. She was already dead. They tried to revive her. But the kids were screaming at the guy he got out of jail and was telling everybody got out of jail tell anybody when he gets out of jail he's gonna kill her so he got out of jail and then killed her and then killed her but he was they got there right as he was on top of her he had been choking her for who

knows how many minutes and the kids had been screaming for who knows how long. Do they shoot him? Do they push him off? I don't know. I didn't ask. I didn't ask. There's that moment, too, where you bust in, and you have to see an analyzed situation,

and then run and put... I guess they had known of the guy, and they knew the situation, people in the neighborhood. Damn. That's why when people say defund the police and use um use like social workers to deal with domestic violence cases i'm like you're out of your fucking mind you're out of your fucking mind first of all they're the most dangerous cases for cops oh yeah and they would just be as dangerous for a social worker but they wouldn't be equipped to handle that in terms of

the ones in oz were always getting fucked up oh yeah i was like i'm not equipped to do this you remember in the movies when they always like every cop was like i'm not seeing a shrink and you're like now you're like why wouldn't you are you crazy after seeing a man murder his wife in front of his kids like for sure see a shrink yeah that was just one of many things this guy told me. He's seen a lot of horrible shit He's in a lot of horrible shit and you know those guys Every time they go on a call they can run into that and people look I'm not Defending bad cops ever, you know bad cops are like bad everything else. There's just bad people. There's people that suck They suck at everything they suck at being at everything. They suck at being a waiter

They suck at being a garbage man They suck but when you're when you suck at being a cop and you're a piece of shit who turns out to be a cop It's horrible for everybody, but I think those are the guys. Yeah, those are the problems But those are the ones also you should you should befriend because they could bend the rules for you You know, I mean it's dangerous when they're not on your side, so get them on your side. There's guys that just like the power. Everyone does.

You give someone a gun, I mean, immediately you've got to be like, people are scared of me now. Not just that, but you're always worried that someone's going to shoot you and you've got to be ready. There's another thing I've been watching a lot lately is cops pulling people over and then getting shot. Damn.

That's your algorithm? There's a lot of those videos. There's a lot of those videos you can watch where cops are pulling people over, and they say, license, and they're getting shot at before they even have a chance. They're getting- The guy was just ready for him to come up. Guy in the back seat shooting out the window tinted windows that's why every time they go up to a car that has tinted windows they're freaking the fuck out right right right especially if

there's tinted back windows right they're rolling up to the front the back's all tinted they don't know who's in there fuck there's this video that i was watching this cop was getting shot out through the back seat they gotta have um what's that shit you can see through into the infrared or something that's right the stuff they use in um predator oh that kind of shit yeah see who's there see what they carry that's probably illegal but yeah i mean i don't know what the fuck the solution to that is because like you're you're gonna pull over you gotta put people for driving though yeah too fast you gotta be like hey stop right i have to give you some repercussions you know what if you pull over someone and you you know because you read their plate and maybe they're driving erratically and the guy reads

their plate he goes oh this is a wanted felon so now you gotta hit the lights and maybe it's just you and your partner and then you know you got a car with maybe four criminals in it who have guns who the fuck knows why would you do it why would that even be a job it's a crazy job but someone's got to do it right because you see what's going on right now in new york city where they've defunded the police they've got shootings all over the place and their homicide rate is way up not all over the place well not in the east village right no maybe it's up there it ain't around me it's a utopia where i live is it oh it's great utopia it's i mean you have some people around me. It's a utopia where I live. Is it? Oh, it's great.

Utopia? I mean, you have some people pissing in the streets, but like. Bums, you mean? And adults. Why are they pissing in the streets? Drinking, dude. You can drink on the streets still. Oh, because it's change.

Daytime. The change, the law change. 2 p.m., you're carrying a fucking, you're bombed. You're wearing a suit. You just piss. Is the whole law changed? Like, it used to be you can't have an open container on the street i mean when you talk about defund the police right and the dangers of what what they want to crack down on can you imagine them cracking down on a budweiser not after all this

shit no way after this that's the lightest of their concerns so you i mean before we got legalized last year you'd walk right up to him with a joint and a beer like which way is uh whatever and they would just be like Taking a chance dude. It's that way Wow. They wouldn't care didn't care mm-hmm Also, they wanted people outside everyone was like turning to all that fucking craziness. It was like just be outside I don't know don't murder is good wild how much the world has changed in a year and a half. It's wild I don't think everybody's totally realized how much the world's changed it happens in little increments and so you sort of keep accepting the small increments and you've

already forgotten the go outside with with ski gloves and a ski mask on right like march 15th of the year before we're like fuck fuck get away from me you're too close that seems like no but that was a real thing buying canned kale because you're like i fuck, fuck, get away from me. You're too close. That seems like, no. But that was a real thing, buying canned kale. Because you're like, are the trucks going to stop coming in? We need calories in the house. Yeah. And people didn't know how long it stayed on surfaces. Uh-huh.

Wiping it down. Remember there was that one cruise ship? And the cruise ship, a bunch of people got it, and they got stuck on the boat. You scared the shit out of me on that. it was like you were like dude 17 days after every yeah that's your impression yeah that's 17 days after everyone's off they were still coming out a good impression of me like what where it actually sounds like me um like there's a lot of really good jordan peterson impressions there's a lot of really good like you're trying to think if anyone does a good Joe roe I?

Don't know I don't know either. I just felt the vibe when I was saying it, but I got a little intense Yeah, yeah a little intense. Oh my god some of this wood is shipped in Tennessee oh Wow, that's crazy. I'm like wait. That's not that much Yeah, but you were like it's still alive on services 17 days after everyone's off the fucking boat, man. Yeah, that is true. They found it on surfaces. But the thing is, you can't really catch it off surfaces. They didn't know that then.

They thought you were catching it from touching things. But you're really catching it from the air. Yeah, someone sneezes in your face. Yeah, well, not just that, just breathing. And apparently this new Delta variant the new variant i'm done with this thing are you done thinking about it give a fuck i had a mass ceremony as soon as i got my uh my two weeks i did it told my mom like i'll perform outdoors until it's done as soon as i got back the shot the next day second that two-week thing was done i think it was june 1st

i walked from my old apartment to my new apartment, stopped in the park, put some Palo Santo out, lit it up, burned a mask ceremoniously, and just said, I'm done with this. Done. I'm not thinking about it. Interesting. So I'm on public policy. Are you taking vitamins? Nah.

Wow. I mean, you know, occasionally I take Barocas. No, I'm done with it. What's a Baroca? Barocas? It's like a multi. Oh. It's got all the shit in it. You just, but you should take vitamins just for your health.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what are you talking about? I don't have any here. You done? You don't give a fuck? I don't give a fuck. Wow.

It's just like, I'm not gonna think about it. Whatever. Okay. It's like, it's holding my life back to be thinking about, to be arguing with people all the time. That is true. I'm not changing anything. So when it's shut down, let me know.

That's true. It does hold your life back. Yeah, and it's like I can't have an effect on it. That's true too you know so i'm just like you can take care of your body yeah yeah yeah yeah put your body in a better position that if something happens i know four people that have it right now how are they though uh one of them's not so good one of them feels like shit and uh one of them is just kind of coughing and he got through it yeah um one of them uh just got it. I haven't talked to her.

I don't know how bad she got it. Yeah. And then- Girls get it now? Girls get it. I know two people that are vaccinated that got it. What the fuck is this Baroqa? I want you to look at it, actually,

and tell me if it's good stuff. The vitamins? Yeah. Hey, Jamie, can you look at what's in a Baroqa? Have you heard of that? I was already going. Have you heard of Baroqa? This is Edinburgh Hangover Cure. That's what they told me. They're like, if you're- what's in a Barocca? Have you ever heard of Barocca? This is Edinburgh Hangover Cure.

That's what they told me. It's just full of fucking vitamins. If you take two, your piss is neon. My piss is always neon. Yeah, you take those things. I take vitamins every day. It's a good idea. I just don't do it.

Here it goes. The one on the left. Yeah, what's in that? Barocca. Vitamin A. It's effervescent. That's right. Does that mean you put it in water?

Put it in water. Hella vitamin C. 1,000 milligrams? That's not that much. You're not that much. Thiamine? Oh my God. I'll take it back.

This is your podcast. B12. That's not a lot, dude. There's not a lot of stuff in there. 10 milligrams of zinc? B6, 10 milligrams? What kind of bullshit is that? It gets you better.

Where's the D? There's no D in there? So I would take this and a vitamin D during the height of everything. Oh, okay. And a 5,000 vitamin D. Oh, it's got a guarana. It's got guarana in there, so it's got caffeine. Oh, yeah.

44 milligrams of caffeine it's like one coffee cup yeah it's to make you feel good that's what the caffeine does it tricks you anyway you're not hung over if you take that before and after really yeah works pops pops you right back up have you tried like is that better than like emergency or one of those things oh yeah yeah yeah way better than emergency not quite as good as that liquid IV stuff. Liquid IV is the shit. Liquid IV is great. That's the shit.

But those Barocas are like, and it's not really available here in pharmacies, but all over Europe and Thailand too and like other places you can just get them. And it's just like one before you drink, one the next morning. Yeah. Well, there's this stuff called Athletic Greens. That's a good way to go too because it's so easy and it tastes good. You just pour it into a glass of water and mix it up or put a bottle of water, shake it up.

That's easy. You ever drink that baby stuff? Oh, um... Pedialyte. Pedialyte, yeah. But choke it down. You're going to get fucking fucked up tonight. Choke that shit down and feel better. Just to hydrate your body? Party, dude. Well well it's definitely good

if people are like really dehydrated yeah but you should I think you're supposed to take that and water I don't think

you're supposed to take it pure no in Pedialyte you mix it oh yeah or it comes bottled already it comes in a bottle so in the bottle one

you just drink that pure but like you're supposed to choke it all down before you do like a lot of drugs or like music festivals that's when you all down before you do like a lot of drugs or like music festivals that's when you're like so you super hydrate up before you do it you're gonna forget that's a good move right because like you don't want to that's like the same thing they say about

like hot yoga you don't want to show up and then start drinking water you want to have it yeah you want to be hydrated before you ever get through the door and basketball they say like drink water all through the day so you should almost not have to drink during a game. Ah. You know? Makes sense. Yeah, but like no cramping and shit. But like, yeah, because you're not going to remember.

You've done it where you're drinking. You're like, remember to drink a glass of water after every drink, but you don't. Right. Yeah. My buddy partied once with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah. He said Jean-Claude Van Damme brought a gallon of water with him,

and he would take a drink of his drink and then chug the water. And he's like, whoa. He goes, this guy's a fucking professional partier. Like he was a fit guy, this ripped, shredded guy who also wanted to party. So he was taking care of his body and drinking at the same time. Who the fuck does that? It's the best when you wake up, I'll be drinking with DeRosa or something,

and then the next day he's like, oh I feel terrible. Because you didn't drink the water, I feel fine. And you feel like you've accomplished something. Knowing they have had hangovers and you don't. Oh, you look like you really happen when people suffer. Their pain. Yes. Their pain is my gain.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really what hangovers are, right? It's dehydrated. It's the same feeling that you get when you're severely dehydrated. It's just, yeah, yeah yeah yeah that's really what hangovers are right it's dehydrated that's it's the same feeling that you get when you're like severely dehydrated it's just point yeah yeah yeah yeah you're just your fucking head's hurting that's what it is not enough juice water and maybe you can't even get to the fucking sink such a horrible feeling it's amazing that alcohol

makes you feel like shit so bad and yet so many people drink it it's so good during it during it's what it's wonderful you feel so happy like last night we're all at dinner drinking wine laughing having so much fun fun times those comedian dinners are fucking fun i was ashamed the night before and we left uh that show at the vulcan theater and um i was like all right let's go back to tim's place we stayed at tim's place and um i was like well let right, let's go back to Tim's place. We stayed at Tim's place, and I was like, well, let's fucking, let's go to a backyard bar around something, you know? Let's do some Austin shit, and he's like, no, I got Rogan tomorrow. I was like, well, then fucking sit there, and I'll drink,

but then, of course, he's like, well, let me have one or two, and then I'm like, I'm just keep killing it. You can't go for one or two. Then it's like you're already there. Especially when he drinks. Mm-hmm. Bud Lights. Yeah, you can't go for one or two right then it's like you're already there he drinks bud lights yeah you can keep going those are ridiculous he goes he goes long yeah like he can just stay he's also like a fucking big oaf so it's like you just like keep pounding him down well he's got a strategy too like his strategy is drink a low alcohol beer and just drink them

constantly we were talking yesterday about that's how people used to exist back in the day. They drank beer all day. Everybody did, even kids. What? Yeah. Little kids drank beer. Yeah, you couldn't just drink water. There was so much bad water back then.

Oh, yeah. Beer saved the world, right? It's stagnant water. Yeah, literally. Yeah, because the alcohol in beer and wine, it kept it from getting toxic. It seems like that once you get beer in it, it kept it from getting toxic. It seems like that once you get beer in it, it doesn't give you the hydration anymore. It does.

It's just the alcohol takes away some of it. Alcohol is, it dehydrates you. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. Kids are drinking beer. That's what they drank. They survived.

Everybody drank beer. At one point in time, everybody drank beer or wine. And they drank water when they could get it, like if you're drinking out of a nice stream or something like that. It was like Waterworld. So much stagnant water was fucking disgusting. Damn. Yeah.

We live in great times. We live in amazing times. I love how angry everybody gets. You're like, guys, it's fucking killing here. It's so fucking fun. Everything's great. Well, I've said this before. I'll say it again.

Someone told me this, and it's a brilliant thing. The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, even if it's not that bad. And that's the problem with everybody today. Well, yeah, you're pointing it at I have this much anger, this much happiness, so you point it to whatever it is. And even also the opposite happens where if you're like, I mean, we'd see these houses in the Amazon, and it was like, fuck, this is dank. But then you're like, hey, we got a new chicken. Everyone's still partying on the same level as you party when you get a Miata. Yeah, that's their life.

Yeah. Yeah, they shoot a monkey and they cook it, and they're all happy. They're like, way sweet. Yeah. Yeah, my friend Steve Rinella went they cook it. They're like sweet. Yeah Yeah, my friend Steve Rinella went to I Think I guess it was Guyana. Yeah, and they hunted monkeys Dan they were eating monkeys and he tried it he ate a eight monkey said it It tasted like smoked turkey the way they ate it, but that was like their favorite meal They would they would kill all kinds of animals

to stay alive i mean they're a complete subsistence hunting yeah i'm trying to remember the name of the tribe i can't and he's team where they told me this guy told me some fucking gay guy was hitting on me hard nice yeah but still got it yeah yeah uh i register as homo in East Timor for sure. It was a few times. I'm like, what am I putting out? Yeah, what are you putting out? I don't know. Too friendly.

But he was like, when I was a kid, we'd for sure hunt and eat monkey. And then it became like out of favor. Out of favor. Yeah. Interesting. Maybe a disease or something. I forget what the fucking tribe is. It's a cool name for the tribe.

But he spent multiple weeks there. Damn. Yeah, and they hunted monkeys and different birds and some deer. They hunted all kinds of things, but what they really liked was monkeys. It was like their favorite thing to eat, which is really crazy. Guinea pig. Had that a lot. David Cho said he went with the Hadza in Africa and they hunted baboons and he said when

the arrow hits the baboons they grab it no way like a person was like it's fucked they don't have any game left cuz like there's been so much coaching the painter artists yeah yeah that's cool he's got amazing photos really yeah he's like he's a wild wild dude he's so interesting he's such a fucking intense person and he just decided to i mean he's worth fun he's worth like a half a billion is he the one that did the facebook thing uh-huh he took it on like pay me later based on stocks yeah startup exactly and so i'll just do a mural for you whatever some ungodly amount of money. And you would never know.

No. Hanging out with a dude. And he wouldn't have known then, this is going to turn into blood money. When Facebook turned the most evil corporation, turning brother against brother. Fucking ruining everybody in society. It's crazy what they are now. It should be illegal. Did you hear Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary,

said today that if you're banned from one social media platform, you should be banned from all of them? You should be banned from all of them. And everybody's like, what the fuck? She's encouraging people to be banned from social media platforms? Also, what if you're just banned for posting a dick or something? She's talking about it as disinformation. If you're banned for disinformation or misinformation. Cut you out of the world.

Cut your ability. All this talk scares the fuck out of me. It is because then when they- Because people are just using it to their benefit politically. Uh-huh. And they don't understand this slippery slope. Because if a Republican gets in power and then they start doing that to liberals, you just don't understand.

Like you can't give anybody that kind of power. And what happens when the disinformation turns out to be true? Like this whole lab leak theory. The lab leak theory, you would get banned from Facebook just 10 months ago. The fucking, what's it called? Medication? The, um. Ivermectin? No, the one Trump was saying. Hydroxychloroquine? Yeah. And people are like, how?

You're an idiot. And people are like, actually, I think it's starting to work, right? Or am I wrong on that? I think there's some evidence that there's some benefit to hydroxychloroquine. Yeah, and because he said it, you couldn't even. It's so hard to tell with these things. Because things like hydroxychloroquine, and particularly ivermectin, they are generic items. It means they've been around so long that anybody can make them.

So if you owned a pharmaceutical company, you could compound ivermectin and sell it. Which is crazy. I do, and I will. You should. And if you do that that you don't make much money because it's not that expensive because everybody can make it so this is like a problem when for pfizer for pfizer yeah or for moderna or whoever the fuck is making these things so you just if you're just i'm not saying be cynical but just be objective and understand that all of

these companies all of them whether it's p's Pfizer or Moderna or Johnson & Johnson, they've all been in trouble for doing nefarious shit. All of them. You can Google it. You can Google how many times Pfizer's been sued. Yeah, once you put money in there, it's like then they're just incentivized. You push the needle somewhat towards doing the wrong thing

or telling a senator like, come on, get rid of the... They don't want you just drinking more water. Exactly. How's that helping them? Right. There's no incentive to tell people this is what you should take as far as a vitamin protocol. This is what you should do as far as exercise. Everybody needs this amount of sleep to optimize your immune system.

This is how you can get rid of stress. We're going to lead you through. The White House is going to give you a planned meditation session. Yeah. And you can. We'll lead you through the white house is going to give you a uh a planned meditation session and you can we'll lead you through this we're going to guide you through this meditation session and it's going to help everybody relax yeah no they're not doing that they're telling you they're going to ban people for misinformation it's strange to ban from everything the social media gets you into an algorithm that gets you into looking at let's just say it's false information it pushes you to seek out more and more of that false stuff

or like that side or this side or the right side or the left side or the upside. Is that what Facebook does? Because different ones do different things, right? Yeah, but they all, like once you start searching something, it pushes you, it sees you're interested, pushes you further and further to that. I always use your example of when you did that thing

with puppies. The puppies? Yeah, that really worked. Yeah, spend a week, click on nothing but puppy videos. Search some puppy videos to start with, then it'll give you whatever.

Somebody uploads to YouTube for me, to my YouTube account. She uses my account. She's putting it in there. And she's like, why are there so many dog relaxation videos?

I'm like, oh, that's from a fuckingit man but like now she's watching them so now it's gone over to her youtube oh that's fine it's just popping up by suggestions like do you want 15 hours of dog relaxation dog relaxation it's when they have like fireworks you gotta drown it out oh yeah yeah the fireworks oh for dogs so we're having a great time a great time and then one m80 or whatever goes off or ten blocks away their tail goes down They start shivering you imagine what that must sound like to them. They don't know what it is ass ears

Yeah, they don't know what it is right, but also must hurt. All right good point. They have giant ears Right they can hear so much shit that you can never hear Yeah, exactly. So it must be deafening for them never hear yeah exactly so it must be deafening for them that's why i've always wondered like when hunting dogs when they take dogs out like hunting birds and shit and the dogs are out in the field and they're just shooting shotguns off like what is that dog dude yeah because uh that shit when i went with bourdain we went pigeon or not pigeon hunting uh pheasant hunting and yeah he shot at one too close to my head like Like I was right here and he shot at one like right there. Bang.

And I didn't know he was doing that. And it was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. It was like. Damage. Damn. It's loud. Like a 12 gauge shotgun or whatever it was.

I think it was a 12 gauge. Boom. Fuck. Like I didn't know he was gonna do that i should have had ears on i should have had like you know like um plugs no well they have these um these things that allow you to hear everything outside but when it hits a certain decibel it it it cuts off whoa really yeah you take them to the gun range like i wear them at the gun range they look like these but they have like a switch on them.

And I turn the switch, I can turn the volume up or down. I can actually make it so that I can hear better. Interesting. Yeah, I can hear better. I can hear things that I could never hear without them. And then when the gun goes off, you hear it very low. It cuts it off to a very low amount of decibels. So it's totally tolerable.

Whenever we're at concerts now, they'll have places like Webster Hall, we'll have like, you just go to the bar for two bucks, you can get earplugs. And they, I think they might all have them now, but you forget you have them in, you really shove them in there. And then when you come outside afterwards,

you're still talking normal, and you pull it out, and you're just like, fuck, so many more levels. Isn't it crazy that concerts are so loud, you have to have earplugs? Like why are they doing that? You can just sit up there, sit up there with a guitar.

You ever go to Ireland, and they're just just like a guy playing you can barely hear it two tables over and you're like this is lovely it's great but those guys all go deaf like the lead singer from acdc he can't even fucking perform anymore really his ears are so fucked his head so fucked like they it blows their ears apart you know you know you get in someone's car and they got shitty old speakers it's like yeah yeah yeah that's this guy's head his speakers are blown like his internal ears are blown yeah it happens to all of them and for what some jock rock acdc how dare you i'll stay with it how dare dare you? I'll stick with it. Fucking jock rock. It's a long way to the top. If you want to rock and roll.

You say that with your name, nerd. Bro, they got some good fucking songs. I know. They got some good fucking songs. It's interesting that their music is so distinct. Like if you hear a song. It's his voice. It's not just a.

And the guitar. Yeah, the guitar. Yeah, I love when you can hear a band just from the setup. And you're like, oh, that sounds like a new whatever. That sounds like new Black Keys. That sounds like new whatever. And you're like, yep. You're just like, how?

Yeah. Yeah, Black Keys, they have that quality for sure. They have that like, but their music varies so much. They do so much experimenting, you know. They have, so many of their albums have like a very distinctive flavor. some of it's like real old school blues sounding and some of it is some of it's more experimental you know gold on the ceiling or that kind of you know that's still the bluesy stuff kind of they have so many good songs man those guys i mean They have so many good songs man those guys. I mean if you want just like a can't miss

band I've never listened to a bad black key song me and J. Psalm in Ottawa Playing at a festival they had to wait for so long because it was heavy heavy winds high winds It was like I think it had destroyed a tent the day before somewhere And we kept looking at him and like one of the big clamps swung free. It was just this massive, like an S hook, this big, just swinging. Oh, Jesus Christ. And to get it. Yeah, and we were in the artist area.

I didn't know. This is one of my first festivals, Ottawa Blues Fest. But Jay went on the road on the corn tour and stuff. So he knows we can go to the sound booth. And I'm like, that's just for artists. He goes, we're artists. I'm like, but they'll know we're not. He goes, it's not that we're not.

We are. Just because we were doing comedy. We're artists in this festival. I'm like, that doesn't make sense. We went on stage. He fucking had it right. But I saw them at the Kraft Food and stuff. And I was like, you guys going to go on?

Or it was like 20 minutes later after they're supposed to. And they just kind of looked. And then they didn't know me. But I was like, you can just say you don't know yet right but like uh eventually i did and he got us like in between like where the guys have to throw the mosh pitters back yeah he got us in that area oh jesus yeah we're just watching from like eight feet away as close as that fucking mushroom is whoa yeah we're just like this is fucking cool wow it's just the two of them or it was then anyway wow yeah yeah those guys are dope i've had them in too they're cool people you've had them in a couple times yeah music videos are cool too yeah they're cool as fuck yeah there's there's some

some music like that what jamie i was excited the reason why it's sound there's that not that loud i kind of knew the answer to this i I was trying to pull up the answer. When the Beatles played Shea Stadium in the 60s, the PA systems at that time weren't even loud enough to get louder than the crowd. Wow. So according to this article, it says they stopped not for that reason, but they stopped touring a year after that show. Because what?

They couldn't handle what they were putting out? Correct. The PA systems couldn't get loud enough to play the venues that they were doing. That's when they stopped? Because they were playing such big venues that we should be in a small club. Then in the 70s, touring sound systems became a thing. That's sort of when DJs became a big thing, and they could play parties out on the street corner and stuff.

There's a crowd of 42,000 screaming girls and they completely drowned out the PA system. It's estimated the noise coming from the crowd was 135 decibels, more than double the output coming from the Beatles sound equipment. Double what the Beatles were doing. Double them, screaming chicks. Yes, then you had to get the science of like putting amplifiers out into the crowd

and like doing the math so that it's not echoing in the wrong way and feedback. oh yeah yeah yeah it's become a science of its own it is a science when you're leaving like the main stage at a festival going to the side stage and that you get softer and softer then you hear nothing then you hear the other stage louder and louder it's really interesting how it just like stops at a certain place yeah and then there's a sometimes you can hear both right in the middle for a second yeah it's crazy those people they do a great a second. Yeah, it's crazy, those people.

They do a great job. Yeah, it's an expert thing too, right? Because some venues are better at echoing sound. They're better at how they've got it set up. They sound better. Same thing with comedy too. The worst thing is when you go to a comedy place and the volume's not loud enough. The outdoor stuff was so shitty.

Oh, outdoor stuff. And we all got used to it because it got taken away from us completely, right? So then we're like, fuck, there's no comedy. And then it's like, hey, I didn't do the Zoom shows. I'm assuming you didn't either. No. But then it's like, hey, there's some comedy. There's a front patio there.

Even though we all agreed outdoor sucks, but we're like, hey, this is so much better than no comedy. They're still doing outdoor the improv on melrose huh i don't know yeah they were showing on their instagram they had uh outdoor comedy shows in that little uh parking lot area so a lot of them i think the stand is doing the same thing in new york where they're like well we built this thing we can go back inside but why don't we run two shows right if we're sold out why don't we run, just real quick. Audience, every comedy club in the country is searching for help.

They are having trouble opening. The Denver Comedy Works specifically, but Magoo, all of them, they cannot find help because of unemployment, because of whatever, part-time work. If you've ever wanted to work at a comedy club, now's your time. Just go in there and get an application.

They are massively searching for work. I know Denver is. That's a big one. So many. I've talked to all of them. I share information. I'm like, you guys are all in the same boat. Cooks, especially, waitstaff, door guys.

If you hear us talking about how fun it is to work at a comedy club, it is fun. Not just a comedy store. Across the country. Go in, get an application, and be part of some fun shit. Does the store have a problem, too? Does the store have a problem getting people to wait staff? I have a vague memory of maybe. My friend who owns a restaurant was saying that it's hard to get people, or it was up until recently,

because they were still getting unemployment and they didn't want to come back to work. And also comedy clubs is Thursday, Friday, Saturday. You're not talking about full-time work. You're giving up the 300 bonus for 10 hours of work a week. Right. You know? Right. But if you're looking, that's bonus for 10 hours of work a week right you know right but if you're looking that's a spot anywhere all right that's my pso it's interesting isn't it that i mean i'm not exactly sure what i'm talking about here so i might be wrong but there's people that were making a pretty decent living like they were surviving with unemployment and plus this new the new checks right what are they getting now dude when the trump

600 kicked in yeah that's why new york was a party town was it for well everybody hated trump there more than anywhere maybe it was such a bubble right um that's la that's la too but that's why people look for villains around them but i'm like guys none of us are we're all like super liberal so if someone's like slightly less liberal than you're like yeah like yeah it's like cuz at that same stripe you need so you just look for villains my guys were all the right who's looking for villains the people who have the anger those people do you remember when maybe you don't remember maybe you were there I don't know what nerd rage nerd rage but they the gay marriage was legal in california for a little while and

then some judge was like hey this is retarded we're not doing this anymore you're allowed to get married and then someone challenged it and then then they were like the high court was like hey we're putting on hold until we can go to the voters so they it wasn't like they hadn't quite yet gotten married they got it and they pulled it away and thousands of gays marched down sunset and it was pretty much with their sign saying like what the fuck wasn't that proposition eight yeah that was where i came up with that bit about the mormons what was it because the mormons were one of the people that donated that's one of the groups that donated a large sum of money to stop gay marriage wow and my joke was if someone could talk to me in a Mormon, they could probably talk to me in a Sarkozy.

But anyway, then they got it, right? They got their gay marriage. But the rage stayed and they got to put it somewhere. The rage stayed? Yeah, people didn't suddenly get, sweet, we're done, let's all be happy. Do you think that's really what it's from? No. The rage everyone has inside them is the same. So if you don't have a Vietnam to protest,

I'll point that to somewhere. Right, the rage remains at a steady level. But a lot of it is like, it's really misplaced anger at various things that have happened to you in your life. In your own fucking life, yeah. Let me point instead of looking inwards. Absolutely.

Almost always. But what were we talking about? Rage. Yeah, so he got that 600 from Trump, and for the first time everybody here is like, yeah I mean, I don't know I hate that but let's go drink people got raises people were out of work and had like a hundred bucks A week more than they had before right? It was sweet and nowhere to be So wonder if he'd figured out a way to give people

2,000 and really did that on a regular basis if he would have got reelected. Yeah. You know how they always let gas prices come down before an election so that they'll have better feelings about the president? Not before Obama got into office. Do you remember that? It stayed high? We were... No.

They raised the fuck out of it right before. People were like, this is so goddamn transparent. It was like the last few weeks of the Bush administration, they fucking jacked the price of gas up wait before the election or after after the election was over bush bush was out and they knew they were out so obama was coming in and they just jacked the fucking price of gas up yeah and they're like well you know the negotiations and the pipeline yeah yeah yeah they always blame it on sure that happened with the vaccine too like it was like four days after the election. Like, hey, we got the vaccine.

And you're like, and everyone's like, there's no way they'd hold back the vaccine. I'm like, yeah, but you might hold back announcing it. Yeah. Very fishy. At least own up to the fact that it's fishy as fuck. It seems fishy. It was like election on Tuesday, and by Saturday, they were like, hey, it's over. Way more fishy was they waited a few months, and then they go, you know, this lab leak theory actually has some legs.

This actually could be real. It really probably did come from a lab in China. What's the difference? Does it matter about research? Is that the difference? Yes. Like how you decide to fight it? Gain of function research, which Fauci funded.

The World Health Organization, they were all giving out bad information in the beginning about this. Does that mean gain of function? Gain of function is they take a virus and they try to make the virus more deadly to understand it. They try to make it more infectious. They try to add things to it. They do this stuff where they juice up a virus and it's very dangerous research. And according to Josh Rogan from the Washington Post, who was here, he explained it all to me and explained how Fauci was the guy that restarted all this shit. During the Obama administration, they put the kibosh on that. They're like, it's too dangerous. And Josh Rogan's take on it was that during the Trump administration, it was so chaotic that Fauci got to restart it again.

They did it through a second organization that was run by this guy Peter Datsik, and he's one of the ones that has been saying, there is no way this came from a lab, it's impossible. Then the Fauci emails got leaked through the Freedom of Information Act, and in those it's very clear that they were very concerned that it came from the lab. So they're pretending there's no evidence that it came from a lab. In fact, there's a lot of evidence. And in fact, there was three people

that worked in that lab in November of 2019 who got really sick and one of them died, one of them's wife died, rather, from coronavirus-like symptoms. So these were probably the first people that got hit with it. So there's a lot of evidence that it came out of that lab.

I had a cough in January of 2019 that just wouldn't go away yeah and it's before but i'm not saying i have no idea but like did you ever get tested for no it was before it came right we didn't know what corona was yet we heard about it in china right you know i talked to i was skiing in in park city and in like early march talking to somebody i kind of ski lift this woman from Hong Kong. I was like, how's the revolution going? Oh, Jesus Christ, you got it from her. No, this was after that anyway. That lady was coughing on you.

And she goes, nobody's cared about the revolution anymore because they're worried about this corona thing. I was like, oh yeah, is that like a real, do you think that's a real thing? Like it was early, you know? But this is a month and a half before that, that I just coughed. Went to the doctor, said this cough, I don't know if it was bron you know right but this is a month and a half before that that is cough once the doctor said this cough won't i don't know it's bronchitis or what won't go away and

he goes yeah you and everybody else i don't know whoa damn well you already got the uh vaccine that would have been a year and a half later but but i'm saying it would show your antibodies from the vaccine if we gave you an antibody right now it wouldn't matter it wouldn't matter i wish i got to you before when i got when i got to the by the time i was back in new york and like like july or august got tested for the vaccines got antibodies it would have been five six months later jamie's got antibodies from nine months out i know but he's a freak look at him look at him over there with his ponytail keeps him clear of anything the The nurse keeps freaking out. She's like,

I can't believe it because he keeps getting tested every few months. It's called swooning because he's stunning. Strong antibodies. Strong. Like he comes in

like with fat, thick lines. I don't want to talk about COVID. Yeah. It's a very tired subject. That's for sure. Yeah. So do you,

you were doing the outside shows and is New York doing full inside shows now? Full inside. Some places maybe still going a little spaced out, but I think they were going by what the city was allowing at first. So they had two rules. One at first was like you can be spaced out six feet or full vaccine and shove them all in. So the seller was like, yeah, we're. What are they going to do now that people are getting it even though they've been vaccinated? Because there's quite a few people.

Like I said, I have two friends that have gotten it. I think if they're getting and not getting sick, then they're going to still be like. No, they're sick. But then I don't know. They're sick. Trying to enjoy it. I don't believe anything anymore. It's hard to believe it.

Cause one of the things from Los Angeles, they were saying that all these bad cases are people who are, um, unvaccinated. And then some doctors were challenging that and they were saying, no, well, that's not true.

There's a lot of my own patients that have been vaccinated that were really sick and people have died that have been vaccinated. So it's, it's, I don't trust the news anymore at all. The thing is it's not perfect. If you have a really compromised immune system and your body is beaten up and you've been vaccinated,

you still have a really compromised immune system and you still have a body that's been beaten up. If you've got a bunch of comorbidities and you're also vaccinated, you're probably still fucked, right? If you're morbidly obese and you're still vaccinated, it's not going to magically protect you. You catch a cold, you're fucked. Right, you're also vaccinated, you're probably still fucked, right? If you're morbidly obese and you're still vaccinated, it's not going to magically protect you. You catch a cold, you're fucked.

Right, you're fucked, yeah. Yeah, we know people like that. Not that fucked, but you know. It's not good. Yeah, Ralphie didn't catch anything to die. Right. He was shocked he was living that long. Right.

You know? That's true. We were always shocked, right? I saw him at Bonnaroo Music Festival next to a stage on a chair they just asleep next to a band fucking with with all those amps better than the Beatles has alcohol us because he had a Snickers or something diabetic fucking Snickers just put him out her Patrice was the same way he can't even and then

30 minutes later back up. That's so crazy. Like overwhelming your body. That's so crazy. I was talking to my friend at the House of Comedy and we were talking about Patrice

right when it happened and we're like, oh my God. And it was like, can you believe it? And she's like, oh no. And then we were both like,

oh yeah. Of course you can believe it. An angry, fat black man. Yeah, could have heart disease. Diabetes. He had diabetes. And he didn't care as far as what he ate. He ate what he wanted to eat.

Patrice didn't give a fuck about anything. That's why I want to live with this COVID thing. I just don't want to think about it. It's not bad, but you should just protect yourself with vitamins. I eat salads. I eat pretty healthy. Compared to a comic dude, I'm pretty it. It's not bad, but you should just protect yourself with vitamins. I eat salads. I eat pretty healthy. Compared to a comic dude, I'm pretty healthy. That's wonderful. Salads are good.

Full stop. Thank you. Point made. Don't have a lot of vitamins in them, and you also don't get any vitamin D from salads. Joe, you have all these tips. You need to talk to a normal person. Forget the IV drips. Like I told you yesterday. Normal person? Yes. What alcohols can we drink to get the most vaccines possible? Who the fuck was

telling us that whiskey is actually pretty good for you? Who was saying that? Someone was saying that whiskey has it was some sort of whiskey promoter. What? No, no, no. It was what? Jimmy LaFroigue. Not resveratrol.

Maybe it was not resveratrol but another kind of antioxidant that polyphenols that's right polyphenols plant-based remember they were saying weed might stop covid for a little bit and people were like smoke all day they were like no no it said some types of cbds might help and they're like smoke all weed whiskey has high levels of polyphenols plant-based antioxidants linked to lowering your risk of heart disease. The polyphenols in whiskey have been shown to decrease bad cholesterol, LDL, and increase good cholesterol, HDL levels, and reduce triglycerides or fat in your blood.

That's what I'm talking about, Joe. This is how you stay accessible and do your fucking advice shit. There you go. You got to do it into our normal lives. Health benefits, whiskey, normal lives. What foods can we eat? We're already gluttonous. You got to say like, this is our experience.

What can we, how can we guide that? Right. I gained a lot of weight in Thailand. My first like trip to Myanmar, Thailand, all that shit. And then I was gaining weight and I'm like, fuck, I'm more active or whatever. And my friend was like, Chang weight, it's beer weight. i was like ah i gotta quit drinking and she's like hold it right there absolutely not you gotta switch to gin and tonics oh you know i mean you gotta give advice based on what their lifestyle is to alter that yeah and i lost a shitload of weight absolutely

wow the grain weight from that beer yeah it's just like heavy calories i like a stout beer too that's what i like i like a fucking heavy beer that's gonna like heavy calories. I like a stout beer too. That's what I like. I like a fucking heavy beer That's gonna like way. Yeah, I like it. That's what I like thick foam Like a real beer like a Guinness cold Guinness. I like that coffee taste. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah I like like an amber ale to mm-hmm like a nice nice dark ale like a brown This is a real crazy little craft places out out here i had this beer that tasted like kombucha the other day i was like this is wild it's like kombucha type we still have that shit in the fridge that stuff from form yeah you just have to look that mitzi always said when she's

an employee he was like i don't want to get it so he's like thinking of a way out of it. And then he's like, no, I'll go get it. We had, uh, uh, Phil Demers. He's the guy who's been running this, um, lawsuit against Marine land. He used to be a,

an Orca trainer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's, it's horrible over there. Horrible. Phil's been on a bunch of times.

I'll try to help him get that message out. But he brought his friend who, uh, I think he has something to do with this company, whether he owns it or he's part of it or maybe his friend owns it. I wish I remember, but I don't. But they brought this really cool fucking beer. It was really interesting. It was like no beer I've ever had before. It was like. Sours are really good and interesting.

But this didn't taste like regular beer, but it was delicious. It was like very good tasting. Yeah, IPAs suck dick. You don't like IPAs? No, they're garbage. They're trash. And then I've done research. But I like them.

Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. You have no taste. You have a lack of taste. So it makes sense you would. I drink ACDC and I drink- Or listen to ACDC and I drink IPAs. Put on your dumb fanny pack.

Yeah. Put on your IPAs and your fanny pack. Put on my fanny pack, my IPA. With these headphones in public. Fuck yeah. Yeah, and a cutoff t-shirt. Cutoff sleeves. Yeah, get your hypercolor.

We need to get you some hypercolor shit. I think my wife threw away my tank tops. What? I think she did. I don't even have any. I'm trying to find tank tops. How dare she? Yeah, she doesn't like me wearing tank tops.

Why? She thinks they're trash. She's not wrong. Trash people wear tank tops. Oh, your? Yeah, she doesn't like me wearing tank tops. Why? She thinks they're trash. She's not wrong. Trash people wear tank tops. Oh, your wife is, I've met her, far classier than you. I don't know why she's with you. She must be embarrassed every time. PTA meetings, she must be like,

come on, Joseph. One of her friends said, you let him wear the fanny pack? She said that to her. You let him wear the fanny pack? Isn't that hilarious? That's my favorite thing about marriage with like am i allowed can you let him i'm like what are we talking are you a warden what are we saying here what let me that is what it's like it's like a parole officer like where are you going what time you're gonna be home you're gonna check in check in with your officer here yeah yeah and it's like you can be embarrassed by my behavior but you can't stop me piss in this cup imagine if your officer here. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, you can be embarrassed by my behavior, but you can't stop me.

I need you to piss in this cup. Imagine if your wife gave you a drug test. She didn't believe you. Ari, you got to stop smoking pot. We have a family now. You're like, what? I've met people like that. Oh, yeah.

And the thing is, they met as party people. Oh, yeah. And then one can't anymore. So they're like, no, you can't either. It's not even just that one can't anymore. So like now you can't either it's not even just that one can't anymore There are some people whether it's men or women because there's both Who they pretend they're really into something until they get close and then they slowly start to weasel these cold at all

That's it yeah, that's the shit. Yeah. Yeah, that's a hundred percent it could get us some glasses Haha, you have to do more work. Ha ha. Earn your salary. Ha ha, fuck off. Whoa, how rude. He's not here. But there's something that people, he could hear it out there. Oh, no.

I remember that. I was talking about somebody. No, there's a fucking giant screen out in the lobby. Fuck. Yeah, they can hear everything. Oh, and I just outed him out of the closet. Fuck. I should have done it.

Oh, no. Oh, no. and I just outed him out of the closet. Fuck, I should have done it. Oh no. Oh no. But when you get into the relationship, they pretend they like certain things. Yeah.

And then you get deep in the relationship and then all that shit's gone. I have no interest in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's some like, I used to be in it, I'm not into it anymore. It's like, sure, sure,

it's not what we're talking about. Right. Have you ever had a friend like that where you're like, hey, you wanna go see this movie? I'm like, let me check in and see if I can. And you're like, what? Oh, yeah.

They have to check in. Oh, they're all good, man. Just crack that one. Crack that one. They're pretty easy. Oh! Give it to me. No way.

It's not a twist-off. No, it's not a twist-off. Oh. Fucking moron. Can you let me cut my hand open? Isn't it a twist-off? Remember when you said it would be so easy, and then it's not a twist oh you let me cut my hand open is it a twist off remember when you said it would be so easy and then it wasn't so easy for you oh it's twisting but joe do you remember when you were like just give it to me like it'd be nothing and then oh

it's a cork jamie that's what it is hey jamie we need it hey jamie sorry i was trying to remember get out there dork This guy is so mean. What's that? Do we even have one? I believe so, yes. A bottle opener? You'd have to have a bottle opener. Yeah, we have to.

We opened these before. It's not a bottle opener. It's a cork. Full-length. We need a screw. Yeah, a cork screw. Pretty sure we have one. Bottle of wine opener.

Yeah. But it's good. It's going to be worth it when it's all done. And this is from, I believe this is from Form. What is that, a company? Yeah, a company that makes this stuff. It's really good. I mean, it's like some of my favorites.

Yeah, this is Form right here. You must get sent hella shit, huh? Yeah, hella shit. A lot of whiskey. I got a lot of whiskey from a bunch of different companies. Who was doing the one at the Vulcan? He was like, I'll send you some stuff. I was like, that's cool.

Whistlepig? Whistlepig. Good shit. Yeah. Thank you, sir. Whistlep sir whistle pigs fucking legit that's very good um you used to have these like piles of dumb MMA shirts at your old place you know before the podcast and I was like hey can I have one is it you were like take whatever you want I'm not even they're going straight to goodwill without being unfolded. That was the early days of MMA. Everybody wanted to make a t-shirt

that had like a pit bull fucking a dragon in the ass. It was always like Jim, the hardest of the fucking hard. Last to die, first to live. Exactly. Like some people are grapplers, some people are strikers. I'm both.

All caps. The one I wanted to make was Jesus on a cross like that. And it goes, Jesus never tapped. Give me that. I thought it'd be cool. I think that exists. Hell yes. Whoever did that, you're a genius.

I do think that exists. Jesus never tapped. I'm pretty sure. See if you can find that, Jamie. It was ruled out. Jesus never tapped. This has to be, right? I'm very sure someone, and I think they were serious.

It's from the Christians? Look at this. Jesus never tapped out. Yes, Christians! Come on, bro. Keep performing for us. See that one with the red and white, the baseball jersey looking one? Please order me that. Jesus never tapped. Oh, yeah. Order me that in a large. Jesus never tapped out.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Please get me that. Thank you. Jesus never tapped. Oh, yeah. Order me that in a large. Jesus never tapped out. Yeah. Oh, my God. Please, get me that. Thank you. Jesus never tapped out. Super important. Jesus be tapped. Jesus never tapped out. Told you.

It's like there's a hundred of those out there. And they're also stealing the fucking logo from Tap Out with that design. A lot, right? That was just a fucking copyright. Jesus didn't have copyright laws either. You got a lot of foam in here, but you get the point. Try this. Cheers.

Cheers, bro. He didn't even get any. Look at that. Ground and pound, seven days a week. Jesus is killing the devil. Somebody made me a tour poster. Is this good? This is good.

This is like sour, which is nice. It's like an interesting flavor, right? Somebody made me a tour poster this is good this is good this is like sour which is nice it's like an interesting flavor right somebody made me a tour poster I've had my fans make them yeah I've seen them I've seen them they're great they're great

go to Ari's Instagram page he's got these fan made tour posters they're fucking hilarious they make me laugh so much wrong side of history tour do you have a name for your tour

no I said I don't have a name yet if you guys want to come up with a name you're more than welcome to I like the wrong side of history tour. Do you have a name for your tour? No. I said I don't have a name yet. If you guys want to come up with a name, you're more than welcome to. I like the wrong side of history tour. That one I'm kind of leaning towards. I like that. That one keeps getting me. I like that.

And I like that picture that they use too. You stand by. Jim Jones. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. I'm the leader of it. What else you got?

Oh, that. Stop the steal tour. You with the MAGA hat. Look what it says under me. Under me. Joe Biden didn't win the 2020 election I'm not joking this is what I actually believe and I'm just like

honor bound to be like if you make something that makes me laugh I'll fucking put it up beautiful that's cool and you just tag them yeah I tag them I was like that's fucking awful nice suck my own dick tour oh yeah the 16 city solution tour I've had a few taken down by Instagram like what what'd they say Oh, yeah. The 16-city solution.

I've had a few taken down by Instagram. Like what? What'd they say? Go fly a kike. They're like, hate speech. The whole lull cost. That's interesting. And this one stayed up.

The suck my own dick tour. The sucking my own dick tour is coming to a town near you. It's you. How come that's okay? I don't know. I guess there's no real nudity. Yeah, there's dick the dick is blurred out i guess your dick is so small that you can't suck it from that position is that and they'll they'll send me some this one was the jesus fucking christ tour and it was just jesus fucking another jesus one was like i've got herpes tour it was a full cock with herpes

scars of my face oh my god i'm like i I'm like, I can't put this on Instagram. I put it on my Patreon. But anyone's is too much. But Instagram. It is. Ari Shafir's I Love Jesus and Jesus Loves Me Tour. Look at the face on you. Coming to Long Island.

Jesus is begging you. And who is that in the picture? The girl, though. Oh. The girl with the... It's a strange look. It's like a cartoony nun yeah

like anime or some shit yeah exactly someone added that already on top hilarious it's so dumb I'm having so much fun with it

I'll walk to the dog park and I'll just start laughing in public there's a lot of funny dudes out there that don't get a chance to be funny yeah you know they're not comics

but they really have a great sense of humor and I'm like do whatever man if it's funny oh the writing Joe Rogan's coattails yeah I saw that some of them they're like but they really have a great sense of humor. And I'm like, do whatever, man. If it's funny. Oh, writing Joe Rogan's coattails. Yeah, I saw that.

Some of them, they're like, oh, this fucking hurt, dude. I'm like, damn it. Yikes. There's a lot of funny dudes out there, man. Especially when you're talking about the internet is funnier than any comedian. It's the version of 10,000 monkeys sitting in a typewriter putting out the world's greatest novel.

Right. The internet is that with humor. A little bit. And it's also like frustrated people that work shitty jobs and they have time because no one's looking. And so they're in their cubicle and they're looking around. They're just like, oh, yeah. Making this Ari Shaffir thing instead of working.

What are you doing, Johnson? It's giving something fun to do. There's so many people that have so much wasted time at work. Unless your work monitors what you're doing on your computer every day. Some of them do. Some of them do, but some of them don't. Some of them let you bring your own computer from home. And if you're bringing your own laptop, you ain't getting shit done.

Nah. Yeah. You know what I'm really loving about COVID? um the death no no no the uh the people are reanalyzing what they want out of their lives yes there's a moment of clarity of like i'm not going away from it i have time to think you know which people don't really get right we don't as comics we're on the road unpacking repacking unpacking repacking they're. And then you never stop, like, how much do I want to be on the road? Everybody's whole experience, same sort of shit, you know?

How much do I want to be a doctor? How much do I want to go to work? And now people are like, what's a 40 hour work week? When was that started? Yeah, what is that horse shit? Way before the internet. When did that start? Yeah, and so people are now going like,

can I do two days a week? Can I do five hours a day? Like like why do we have to do I know a few people that got lucky enough to have been home with their newborn child for this couldn't have hit it a better time they could be there for the first few years hmm and so it's like what an opportunity you know and they're like why am I going back to work it also gets you in this position where when you're looking at your life and you're looking at your future and you realize your job can just get taken away like that. Right? If you're working at a restaurant or if you're working at a comedy club or somewhere where they just killed the business.

And you're sitting there going, okay, I didn't like this job anyway. And now it can all be taken away from me because I need my own thing. Right. I don't want to work for anybody anymore because so many companies went under during this covet period a lot of people started their own businesses i think it's awesome a lot of girls started showing their cooter oh only fans yeah really thrive from this oh my god a lot of independence you get those creeps stare at your asshole you can make a lot of money. I mean, I wouldn't call them creeps. They're just gentlemen. They're just gentlemen doing the gentlemanly

thing. Yeah, they're just looking. I mean, I think it's implied consent when you go onto their website. Yes. Look, I think that's one of the interesting things that's going on in this pandemic as well, is that New York City is basically decriminalized prostitution. What do you mean? Oh, it's been that way for housewives. There's this undercurrent,

dude. Housewives? Regular chicks putting out for money a couple times a month. What are you mean? Oh, it's been that way for housewives. There's this undercurrent dude I was was regular chicks putting out for money a couple times a month. We're talking about there's a legit type of hooker out there That's not a streetwalker and they're not like madam's they're just like extra money in the side the uber driver of hookers really Yes, how do you know about this? Well without telling me who you fucked I fuck a lot to tell me. I know you do. Yeah, so anyway. And I heard you fuck well. Thanks. Thanks. Jamie, please do not edit that.

Thank you. Enhance. Enhance volume on that, please. Well. Do the, what's it called? He fucks well. Echo thing. Reverb, yeah.

A chick I hooked up with once in a while, you know, met her friend. She goes, what did you think of her? Did you like her? I'm like, oh yeah, she's cute and cool, whatever. We should have a threesome. And I was like, oh, for sure, maybe. She goes, yeah, how much did you pay for it? I was like, what?

She's like, yeah, I mean, you know. And this is a chick I fuck once in a while. They all just, then I started to notice it. A lot of chicks, rich guys are like, I'll slide you a few hundred. And then they go like, that's a possibility. I knew a girl who was an artist. Yeah?

And she used to fuck old rich guys. And she felt it was like a completely legitimate way to make money. Why wouldn't it be? It's donating blood, right? If you don't value giving away sex, if you don't think it's that bad, if you fuck a guy in a bathroom at a bar,

if you haven't hurt yourself in any way, then it's like she knew these people and she had like you know semi friendships with them she's not being forced to fuck anybody right she always she never i don't wanna yeah uh i didn't know her well enough to ask her questions you know like right do you ever not want to do it but you do need the money and does it does it with your intimacy with guys that you want to be with you know that's the real questions does it ever become work you know like because right because you're like i mean this is this is the problem with like online articles you're like how can vulture say this or how can the atlantic say this and it boils down to like the writer needs 300 bucks they don't really care yeah drop an article and

move on and it's destroying your life but they've just moved on because they need 300 bucks so the 300 is incentivizing them to just put something out so the 300 or thousand she's getting is like i kind of want to stay home tonight but i gotta fuck this guy for but also it's up to her right yeah i mean if they're friends with the dudes. Yeah. I mean, you don't want to go to work sometimes. You have to. Yeah, but imagine this guy's like some CEO at a hedge fund or some shit, and he's making $10 million a year or something crazy. And he'll throw her $2,500. Does it mean much to him? Means a lot to her? Exactly.

Remember Pretty Woman? Yeah. I would have given you five. She goes, I would have done it for one. It's like, oh, okay. I mean, who cares? Who normal is still like, whoa, sex. It's the biggest thing. You had sex with someone.

It's like, who gives anyone cool? You're fucking, man. You fuck some people you regret. You fuck some people you don't regret. You got to fuck a celebrity here or there. I know a chick that fucks some rapper. And she's like, already I called you. No one's going to understand. I'm like, that's fucking awesome.

I know that rap. I know what that is. Way to go. Way to bed a good one. You know what I mean? Who cares? Way to bed a good one. I don't know. I didn't use the words. You're talking like an old grandma. You're out there bedding a goodie. Dude, if I fuck Joan Jett, you don't think I'd tell you? She's a lesbian. That would be even more

impressive. How dare she? I love rock and roll. But if I had told you something like that, you'd be like, you wouldn't be like, oh, I gotta go. You'd be like, no, no, tell me all about it. Right. For sure. It's awesome. Why shouldn't I get it? You shouldn't. But here's the thing that makes it really weird. Why is it okay if people have sex for free?

But it's not okay if people have sex for money. Yeah. But it's totally okay if you give massages for money. Which is also sort of sexual. It's very sexual. Watch Pulp Fiction. You know that, right? Or if it's very pleasurable.

We should just say that. Yeah. It may not be pleasurable to your genitals. But when someone's rubbing your back, you're like, oh. Or it's like you have sex and like, here's some money. Like, wait, wait, now it got gross. Right. But if you just came in and talked for a while, like, hey, here's some money.

It's not as gross. Right. It's strange. It's strange. It is strange. Money is a weird thing. It makes things very odd. Yeah, it really does.

It really does. Hey. Because it incentivizes people to work harder Uh-huh, and that's kind of good kind of good because everybody wants like this is a whole thought of like we need income equality Okay, but we also need effort equality right and we don't have that like there's not gonna be an equality of effort So there's not gonna be a quality of money But guys that are working away for all day long in a mine or something like that, they're working hard.

That's a different thing. And they're not making them. That's the thing I was talking about. People who are willing to work hard but can't make. That's a different thing. I don't even know what I'm talking about. That's the thing where you're taking advantage of someone because they don't have any other options.

Did you notice when you went from young headliner to maybe even news radio, people treated you differently because you had money and they wanted to get some of it or to be around it? I have had the most ridiculous requests for me to help people start their businesses. Yeah. Yeah, like asking me for a million dollars. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. I will pay you back within 10 years. Not kind of on 20. I got to tip this waitress. No. Like, wow! I've had people ask me to invest in their business, and they'll pay me back the money that I gave them and not even give me any extra money.

Oh, just like it's a loan to help me out. It's a loan, but with no interest. Like, as if I just have free money laying around to give to people that I barely know because they want to start a business I guarantee that this business is gonna. This is not a risk to you I will pay you back and like you are fucking insane, but what is okay? But it's like the gall to do that But where does it come from does it come from a place of like you just happen to find someone I?

Barely know barely know just asked me for $30,000 Wow barely know met him once maybe met him twice Yeah for some fucking project they're doing And not like can I pitch on an investment just like can I borrow this or have it? They just want they want me to give them the money and even if I'm investing I'm investing in some fucking thing that they're doing like come on people are crazy They just they're trying to figure out a way to get something done through channels other than traditional banks. And, you know, banks are fucking smart.

They look at you. They go, how much money do you have in the bank? OK. And how much do you want from us? And how much do you make? And what's your plan? Let me see your plan. Yeah.

How are you going to make this money? You've never done this before? You have no success whatsoever in this endeavor? OK. What am I doing? You think I'm stupid? How did I become Bank of America? I didn't become Bank of America.

This is what happened in 2008. We gave you these loans. Now we're not doing it. Giving away free money to dreamers. Yeah, there's a lot of that. There's a lot of that. And there's a lot of people that you can absolutely tell try to get close to you. They weasel their way in.

I've found a lot of people lying to other friends. This is where it gets really weird. I'll get to know someone just barely, like a guy that I met at the gym or a guy that I met at the gun range or a guy that I met, like those kind of guys. And then all of a sudden, they're telling friends. Maybe I had an internet exchange with them. They sent me a DM. I sent him a DM back. Yeah, that sounds cool, man.

Good luck with that. And then all of a sudden, they're telling people they're good friends with me and they can guarantee that I'll come to an event. And then they're trying to get me to go to this event. And then someone at the event says, hey, man, just so you know, this guy is saying he's your good friend and he can guarantee that you'll come to that event if he gets X amount for this and X amount for that and access to this or access to that. Wow. Yeah. Me and a buddy of mine just went through with that with a guy that I had met in California.

And then I found out out here that he was doing that. And I was like, this is wild. Damn. Like pretending. I'm not even going to that. Don't even, barely know the guy. Pretending we're really good friends. Pretending that he can get me into events and using my name. They try to get a shitty place I mean what we saw yesterday. I

Looked at you after like here and like someone trying to like be around you. Oh that one lady. Yeah Yeah, how much when she start crying she start crying to get your attention. She went outside. I saw it from the beginning I didn't know what's happening. She went outside. she did the teary don't be specific about this please but it was like it looked like this you can leave it there it's just like she was like outside it looked like she'd been dumped or something she just in her stress she just picks up a piece of it just goes like she's like she was in real pain yeah we were looking at her and then she did it so you would look it almost worked, I feel like. But not really. Because we all turned to look.

What's going on? Yeah. Because we saw that the guy was still there. And then the girl went outside. And she was crying outside on the street. And our table was near the street. It was very strange. I was like, I do the bathroom.

So I was like, I'm going to go ask her. And Shane's like, you won't. And I'm like, I'm going to go ask her right now. But you won't, though. What is he talking about? Does he not know you? He was right, though. I walked right past her. Did you? I'm not'm not gonna ask her why were you crying oh i would ask

her if i was you got nothing to lose nothing to lose that's right guys you can be like me let it all get taken away and you also will have nothing to lose the best place to be that's the good one that's not get on it internet that's not a lose tour nothing to lose tour That's a good one Get on it internet Nothing to lose tour Nothing to lose I like it Just you With like Holding your pockets

That's right Pulled out pockets Empty Nothing to lose tour I like it All my loved ones Abandoning me Nothing to lose tour

I like that Tickets available At rhtrafeer.com The nothing to lose tour I like that name That's a good name That's a good name That is a good name

Yeah Well that kind of shit is weird. It's like people get very obsessed with talking to someone that they've seen on television. You'll be on that end. There it is. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's going to be Martin Lawrence?

You will, Shorty. You will. How dare you? How dare you? I hope they keep his. I think they'll get Martin Lawrence's color. Fits up pretty perfect. Size-wise size we're about the same height as those pretty close yeah hilarious hilarious um you also have this thing so oh so i remember looking at

when we found out like oh she was just faking the cry to make you look at her we didn't realize that until way later and i looked at you and i was just like what's your life now, man? This is a weird place to be. This is like. It's weird, but I'm still the same person. You are. Me and Shane were talking about it. We're like, damn, for a celebrity, he's fucking norm. I can stay me.

Yeah. I know how to stay me. You got to be mindful of it though, right? Yeah, yeah, it takes work, but I work a lot. Yeah. I'm working at it. You know, I get off the rails a little bit but i bring myself back i bring myself back with like mostly exercise ruthless exercise brings me back because it's so so humbling so humbling man when you're so tired

and you you got like five more sets to go and you got a timer that's going off and like you're doing rounds in the bag like that kind of shit that I do is so humbling. I'm so tired. I get so tired that after I'm done with that, I can't take myself seriously. I don't take anything seriously. You can't be like, did you ever see that,

was it Hot Rod or one of those, one of those Lonely Island guys movies? And it was like he was a movie star or a music star and he's playing basketball and he just, me and Big Jay always talk about this, he throws the basketball up over his head behind him, and he just goes, nothing but net. And then it misses by like 40 feet. But all his yes men go, oh, like it went in.

Oh, that's hilarious. So he just can't keep a normal mind. Yeah. Well, hang around with comics. They'll never let you do that. I mean, they'll shit on you. Instantly. For winning.

For everything. It doesn't matter. Even if you do win. Yeah, exactly. I get shit instantly. For winning. For everything. It doesn't matter. Even if you do win. Yeah, exactly. I get shit on all the time. Constantly. You ever try to fight like a group shit and then you're like no, no. I take my shits. I take it.

I take it right in the face. You were doing it yesterday. I was making some dumb point and then like Ecuadorian elections and you're like, dude, I couldn't understand you normally. Your mouth is full of food. And I was like, my point's done. I'm not even going to go back into it. You're right.

You're always mumbling even without food in your mouth. You're trying to talk with a mouth full of pasta. You're just like, it's time out. What the fuck are you doing? That's one of the beautiful things about comics is that we know that I can shit on you like that We're all gonna laugh. Yeah, like and you can shit on me like that and I'm gonna laugh We're up we laugh when someone comes hard at you. We think it's funny. Yeah. No that would actually hurt but like Normally I would apply but no

Dude, I got you a present. Ooh This is from the largest indigenous market in South America. Wild, in Otavala City. Mountain town. One of my best Airbnbs ever were up there. But like, where I did all my yogas, Yoga With Ari, the first 10 of them

were up there. Dude, Nate, on a sidetrack, but like Nate Bargatze, I was talking to him and he was like, oh, hey man, I gotta like, I can't do an impression, but he was like, I gotta apologize. Like, I saw like a clip of Yoga With Ari and we man i gotta like a i can't do an impression i gotta apologize like i saw like a clip of yoga with ari and we were talking about like a move like being a holocaust move and it was like it just hit me like you were joking i thought you were like seriously just teaching serious yoga online and i'm like no what he was apologizing he was like i took you as a non-comic for a minute. I was like, oh, I guess Ari's just like legitimately teaching yoga.

And I'm like, oh. You can do both. No, I do. They're real moves. Yeah, they're real moves. I just don't nail them. Well, you do a good job. Pretty good job.

Pretty good job. You got pretty good at yoga during that one month that we did the yoga challenge. You got pretty good at it. You could wrap your legs around. You got long ass legs and they're skinny. So you could do a lot of that wrap the legs around shit. Whenever I did that with Yoga With Ari, I would good at it. You can wrap your legs around. You got long ass legs and they're skinny. So you can do a lot of that wrapped legs around shit. Whenever I did that with Yoga With Ari,

I would always do it and I'd be like, by the way, my friends Joe Rogan and Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura cannot do this one. Yeah, it's true.

And I can. Yeah, I can't do that shit. Yeah, but I have thick fucking thighs. Thick thighs save lives. I can't wear regular underwear. Because of your penis? My legs rub together. Really? They rub together. I can't wear regular underwear. Because of your penis? My legs rub together.

Really? They rub together. Yeah. I legitimately, my first couple years, had a joke about that for massively obese people. Yeah, that's me. My pants, I'm wearing barbell jeans right now. They wear out in the crotch. If you felt my crotch, I would let you feel it. I would let you feel it if I trusted you more.

I would feel it, and I would love it. I would get hard and let you look at it. You wear holes through because my legs rub together. So I wear these MeUndies that are boxer briefs.

I have to pull them down because if I don't pull them down, then my legs will rub together when I have shorts on, and they hurt. Like, I chafe the inside of my legs out. I'm not kidding.

I get red, like, horrible. Like, if I have a workout and I don't wear these underwear, I'm not kidding. I get red like horrible. Like if I have a workout and I don't wear these underwear, I get fucked up. I took to wearing compression shorts in kickboxing class. Like hey man, they put their pants on one leg just like

everybody else and it's like no they don't. Not me. It's so fucking funny to me. everybody else and it's like no they don't not me i've been kicking things for 40 years you know i mean my legs have they've been doing squats and kicking things most of my life so what did they get chafed and red and like burned up yeah wow yeah they're too thick that That sucks, dude. Sorry. Yeah. I'm short and I weigh 200 pounds and most of it's in my legs. So it's all this meat down here. It's all this thick meat.

I'm 175 and I'm two inches taller than you at least. So anyway, I'm in the largest indigenous market. Okay. South American. I'm looking at this gorgeous stuff, handmade. They're making it right there, a lot of them. I mean mean it's so fucking what is it? Would you get me? So I was like what what would I thought of some of my friends, you know, like what would I get them? And please don't let it be a dildo. It's not a dildo. They don't make novelty items. These are like

I mean that's a tiny section of it But mostly this is like cool interesting products and tapestries and like these weird into Ramey masks What's an anti Ramey mask? They're gorgeous. They're part of like the indigenous. It's just it's Yeah, look it up. You gotta see them. They're beautiful. Hmm, and everyone means something different. I'm just this is the market Yeah, I have that. Yeah, this is the work. It's so fucking big You know scale of it and that's an Ecuador? Yeah. How safe was it there? Did you feel safe? Massively safe.

Really? Yeah. Outside of Guayaquil. Wow, that fucking mountain's beautiful. Were you living up in the mountains? Yeah. You got to get a still shot of that yoga with Ari because the backdrop behind me is just like

what I would see every morning. I would make my schedule so I could wake up for sunset. Sunrise. Ah, wow. I would set my alarm. It's like there's no reason not to. And we just see it come up over the mountains. So pretty.

Just revealing like a lake and you're just like, make some coffee and get ready and just see it. It was just. Look at you. Yeah, look at that backdrop. Wow, that is beautiful, man. Ari, day three of 31 31 understanding January challenge I didn't do those dumb

fucking yoga with Adrian names yeah but look at you there with your head shaved like Kwai Chang Kane so dude I like it the people who were renting us the place

they were oh yeah oh you're doing like fake motivation this is amazing enlighten oh my god bro you can start a cult

with this slow motion yoga yeah oh b just b what does it say oh just be yeah oh yes yeah bb yourself just be man look at you i love your outfit where'd you get that outfit uh otavalo in the at the otavalo market that's like a monk outfit or some shit yeah so the people renting us the house, we stayed there for two weeks. At the end, they were like, so, do you like, are you like a yogi? I was like, I had to tell them like, no, it's

como bromer. It's just a joke. But what do you, I mean, your head's shaved and you're wearing that, so how is it? And I'm like, yeah, I'm doing all this for this dumb joke. Oh, that's hilarious. But I'm doing the moves! Yeah, that's real. You're doing the moves yeah that's real you're doing it in a weird way like someone's violating you yeah i mean you know i'm doing it the best i

can you're doing it all right thank you you are doing what's that like cat and it's like what is it no i call it dead cat uh scared cat oh scared cat that's good i forget what they actually call it but yeah it's good enough yeah that's actually good for your back. Yeah. Look at you. That's the one. That's the one. That's the one that Joe Rogan can't do.

I can't do that one. I can't wrap my leg around like that. My fucking fat thighs do not allow that to take place. I've been trying to balance myself. Guys, this is the most accessible yoga you're going to find. It's on youtube.com slash Ari Javer. 100 classes. And it's fun.

It's fun. Because you're doing actual yoga. You could actually do the moves, and it's real yoga. And we're laughing. But you're having a good time. Yeah. Why can't you have a good time and be spiritual, man? Exactly.

Yeah, why can't you be spiritual? So I'm like, what would Joe like here? I thought of a few of my friends, and like, what can I get them and stuff? And I was like. It's a lot of buildup. Yeah, and you're gone. It's not going to be that crazy. But I'm like, okay, what do you have?

You have a lack of taste, right? So I can't get you. Yeah, and you're gone. It's not going to be that crazy. But I'm like, okay, what do you have? You have a lack of taste, right? So I can't get you anything artistic because you're disgusting, but you also are into native cultures and things like that. Yeah. And then I found it. I found it. Oh, a native fanny pack. Handmade.

Bought it from the person who made it. Legit. Cannot think of anything that you would like more than that. Legit. That's tight, dude. I like that than that yes that's tight dude i like that yeah that's not the sticker on the office what are you laughing at you it's tight how dare you it's nice what is that you light it and you clears the air from all the bad spirits and we do it right now oh it smells great they would burn piles of it. It's a wood, right? Palo Santo, yeah. They dry it out.

It's everywhere in Ecuador. It almost smells like a soap. They make soap out of it sometimes. It smells great, right? So should we clear the air? Yeah, absolutely. Because Shane was here yesterday. I'm sure he fucked something up.

Yeah, let's clear the air. Dude, that guy kept fucking. We're staying at Shane. We stayed at Tim's, but he kept fucking sneaking up behind me and staring at my dick. Whoa. How weird. Were you showing it to him? I was pissing, and then he swam underwater all the way across the pool.

That's not what he said. And just popped up to look at my cock. He said that he said, I bet I can swim underneath this pool and hold my breath. And you said, I bet you can't. And then he did it. And on the other end, you were waiting with your cock out. I don't know. No, no, no, no.

He said he could do that. And then later, I was pissing, and he swam under the out. I don't know. No, no, no, no. He said he could do that. And then later I was pissing and he swam out of the water. That wasn't Dan. Wow. He lied. He did tweet it. Ari Shafir is hot and his dick is delicious. For real, I sucked it good.

That's from Shane M. Gillis. Imagine. It says, you never give your phone to Ari. Please notice. Oh, yeah. I gave my phone to Ari last night. And he typed to Maynard i was saying what did i say to maynard oh the lead singer tool yeah i asked him a question about natural wine

and then i gave him the phone to see that maynard's uh response because maynard wakes wines and and i get the phone back and ari had sent to maynard i suck cock you just gotta go fast on these things yes it's gotta go really fast. Very quick. But yeah, you're giving me an opportunity to fucking tell the lead singer of Tool who you really are. He's also a winemaker.

Don't try to limit him. This is a tight fanny pack. It's very nice. I like it. It's very soft. I'm gonna bring it with me everywhere I go. Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I was thinking about you out there. I think it's also even more disgusting than the one I have currently, so my wife will hate it more. So there's a win there.

Sometimes chicks like Indian stuff, though. Native. Well, not American. This is like more South America than it is India. But I guess if you didn't know, you can say this could be like Navajo or some shit or Pawnee. Yeah. Could be. I like it. shit or Pawnee. Yeah, could be. I like it.

Thank you very much. You're welcome, dude. Appreciate it. You still don't wear fanny packs. I will not, no. Interesting. Yeah, but I mean, I understand. You seem to not care about fashion.

I see what you're getting at. I mean, the way- It's an obvious move what you're doing. But you dress in a way that no one would dress if they cared about fashion. You're being- Right? You're retarded. No, I mean-

That's a retarded thing to say. Look at the shirt you're wearing. It's awesome. Is it? Yeah. Okay. It screams of class and culture. It sells records.

No, it's not a- It's a record store. Look at me. I sell records. No, no. It's a record store, dude. Look at me in the record store with a puppet. It's class.

It's culture. It's coolness. You're crazy. I'm sorry I'm wearing a fucking free mma shirt fucking dork if i'm 100 million dollars you wear free shirts you idiot i don't wear them anymore this is a cam haines shirt really this archery how much you pay for it free that's right He's my friend. I heard some American stereotypes.

It's sad, and then you shoot a bow and arrow, and then you get happy. It's a real clear message. That's nice. It's a nice message. I have been hearing some American stereotypes. My Scottish friend and some Ecuadorian friends, and they make me go like, oh, no. So we can't see it. We're in the forest.

You can't see the trees. Number one. Yes. Americans like to wear free bank t-shirts. Free bank t-shirts? That stuff, MBNA. No other country will you promote a bank just because they gave you a free shirt. Start looking around. You'll see it.

Here's another one. Americans love to comment on the beauty of a sunset while you're watching it. Nobody else does that. Everyone's watching it. Man, it's beautiful. And then they go, yeah, we know, dude. Americans, shut up and enjoy it. Here's the last one.

Americans rush in to assist in a situation that they have no experience with. They'll see a bird hurt on the beach. I'm like, get it in a box. We have to take it. It's like, do you know anything about this like sort of how burt moved tom's arm when he broke it yeah absolutely he touched it did he really he's like let me move it picked it up and put it over there probably fucked it up for life oh jelly legs jelly legs to go dude it didn't even make sense he just came down he didn't even

like it wasn't like you see see NBA players, they come down. Yeah. Like Conor McGregor stepped wrong. You see it snap. No, that's not what happened. Whatever. Segura starts to jump and then it was like he's cursed by a witch and he just goes, what is that?

And he just went jelly. There was no impact. No. He blew out his patella tendon. He blew out everything. Everything. tendon. He blew out everything. Everything. Yeah. What is that?

His arm broke when he landed on his arm. And the legs. Everything broke. Yeah. Well, what happened was apparently he thinks he fucked it up the day before because he was jumping in his office. They were trying to touch the ceiling in the office, like this ceiling. Trying to touch the ceiling. And he felt something weird in his knee, but he didn't think too much of it.

And then the next day, they were playing basketball. They were doing this dunk contest. And he dunked a couple of times. On a lower rim. And then one time, he really loaded up, and his patella tendon just blew out. So on the leap up, his leg just blew apart. It gave way. Blew apart. Wow. Yeah, his knee just blew apart. It gave way. Blew apart.

Wow. Yeah, his knee just went like this. It's so crazy looking. He doesn't, yeah, it's always on the come down. He went on the way up. I heard a doctor say... Oh my god, that's hilarious. That's great.

Of course he's making fucking merch on it. Nobody cashes in more than Tom. Hilarious. I heard a doctor once a long time ago say in your 40s is when you do explosive movements and you don't have explosive strength. And that's where you get in trouble. Interesting. Still trying to make ski jumps. Right.

You should have stopped at 31. Right. But at 60, you're not trying to make those jumps and right you should have stopped at 31 right but at 60 you're not trying to make those jumps anymore that makes sense yeah or you just keep lifting weights and don't be a pussy yeah you're an outlier yeah yeah just got to know what your body's capable of doing and the only way you know is to make it do a lot of shit so you know what it could do all the time most people just stop that's what happens it's the grind it's all about the grind like most people like they get to a point that i don't want

to lift any more weights i'm just gonna get on this elliptical machine listen to a book just go buster douglas yeah just be like fatten up and just fatten up lay back that happens a lot of fighters ricky hatton got huge really oh my god, my God. He got huge. He might have lost weight now, but he got real big. A lot of guys get real big when they just don't want to do anything anymore. I get it. They don't want to be in it. I get it. And you form a habit of that, and you just stay in it.

Let me ask you a question somebody asked me that I really like. Okay. Because, you know, everybody's like, what was me? They start complaining about – there's so many things to complain about. Right. COVID, cancer, whatever. And then when that conversation starts, how do you end that in normal conversation? they start complaining about there's so many things to complain about COVID, cancer, whatever and it's like and then when that

conversation starts like how do you end that in normal conversation not in a podcast but in normal conversation where it's going to politics the most boring fucking subject

or race or something where you're like this is just gonna go especially with some people yeah they don't have an interesting perspective

absolutely what's the point of this you agree with the people you agree with it's dumb it's classless and dumb but for real not the people you agree with. It's dumb. It's classless and dumb. But for real,

not the way I make fun of you, but like for real, it's like classless. Stop. Right, right, right. So what makes you hopeful? Is what you ask people. I think there's a trend in civilization period

where people are trying to be nicer. And I think one of the things that's going on with cancel culture that actually gives me hope is They're canceling people because they're saying those people were assholes like all of it is catching people Doing something that they shouldn't be doing Now the bad part about it is that a lot of the people that are doing it are really fucked up people and they're not Compassionate and they're not kind and they're not they're not forgiving. They're going against what Martin Luther King said.

You can't fight light with darkness. Right. You can't fight darkness with darkness, only with light. Right. And they're, nah, fight it with darkness. There's a lot of fools who don't understand violence and they don't understand conflict and they're involved in a lot of this. And also they're doing it through this proxy, like you're doing it through social media,

which is this really weird way to have conflict with people. But then you see that conflict spill out into real world, like the Black Lives Matter protests or the Antifa protests or all these different, you see like real world consequences for this kind of like online rhetoric. But overall, all of it, whether it's Black Lives Matter or whether it's even even like the idea of antifa they're not trying to make the world a worse place i don't think they're right their intention is yes their intention is to get rid of a corrupt society to get rid of a corrupt government i don't think they're doing it the right way i don't think they're educated i don't think they're intelligent i don't think they're responsible i think what they're doing is nonsense

they're the privates they shouldn't be choosing the war technique right well they're educated. I don't think they're intelligent. I don't think they're responsible. I think what they're doing is nonsense. They're the privates. They shouldn't be choosing the war technique. Right, right, right. Generalist shit. Well, a lot of them are like grossly obese and fucking sloppy humans and shitty. They've lived very undisciplined lives. Then all of a sudden,

they want to start telling people what to do. Like, pull over. We control these streets. Like, those fucks. Power. Power hungry. Exactly. It's a power.

Power. Give it a bad name. It's a lot of what that is. Throw these treats. It's power. It's power hungry. Exactly. It's a lot of what that is. But the intention behind it is almost all to do better, to have society be better.

I think even those MAGA shitheads, I think even those dummies that stormed the Capitol, they thought they were going to make the world a better place. They're not trying to make the world a worse place. They thought in their head that the election was stolen and they were going to storm the capitol and a show of force and somehow or another was going to turn around trump's going to be president again because they're dumb because they're a bunch of dumb dudes who live in their basement they wear buffalo helmets on yeah the thought behind that was like hey let's fucking take more of an active voice in our democracy yes but they're morons right

they're a bunch of q anon dummies and they're trying to make the world a better place but but the the trend is That what they're trying to do is all that like when Hitler was trying to exterminate the Jews There's not a fucking way you can spin that where he was trying to make the world a better place There's not a way you can spin that where you're dehumanizing people to the point where you're turning the entire culture on one group of people that have a certain religious belief. That's just pure evil. You don't get that today. What we're getting today is you think some people are evil because of their ideology, their political ideology, or you think some people are foolish or short-sighted.

But I think ultimately people are trying, they want- Pushing for the good. Yeah, even the assholes that want to defund the police. They think that the police are bad and they're causing problems, they want less problems, but they just don't know jack shit about law enforcement. They don't know, like the guy that I was talking to, my friend who used to be a cop, who's telling me about the guy strangling the guy. that I was talking to my friend who used to be a cop who was telling me about the guy strangling the guy. Talk to me. Talk to that guy.

Talk to an actual cop and let him tell you all the crazy shit that they've seen, all the kids that they've seen that got shot, like all the wild shit that they've seen. Talk to them. Then you get an understanding of what it means to be a police officer. It's almost like if you want it better,

like what you said, talk to them. Like, hey, what can we do to make it better or to rule out the fucking shitty ones? I don't know but it's like it's like that john lennon song if you know if you're talking about destruction then like i don't forget the lyrics but like no then i'm not interested you can count me out yeah but yeah you can count me out yeah but if you're like want to make it better if you want to go give you know food to the homeless bank or something then like i'll go with you yes yes they're just the wrong technique but i get what you're saying.

So that's what makes you hopeful? Yeah, that makes me hopeful. I think the tactics are incorrect and a lot of people are misled because they're trying to do things and they're trying to do things in this weird age of social media and this weird age of these collective groups where people get together and they try to Share a mindset and a philosophy and a lot of times it's dumb You know a lot of times they're trying to rehash shit that's already been tried out in other countries like Marxism or so vengeful Yeah, there's a lot of that too. Yeah, and there's a lot of nerd rage There's a lot of people that were one of the things that we were talking about yesterday was Shane

We're talking about a lot of people that attack people online These people were really abused when they were young. A lot of these people. They're abused by their family. They're abused by bullies at school. Or they're abused by relationships they had. Whatever the fuck it is. They have this anger in them and they want to take it out on other people.

And so this is exaggerated rage that's not necessarily indicative of like what is actually going on it's like it's like a gamer rage it's like are you guys even you know how they're like i hope you get aids your mom dies in front of you and then that then the regular people caught on with that because that was and it was like guys you're not really right the gamer chats when they say things in the chats they didn't even it was like fun to say i think all these e-rages are just a couple people talking, and then far, far more, like 100, 200, 2,000 times that people weighing in on what the small, small amount of people actually, no one's actually that upset about Aunt Jemima.

There's also- No one is. There's a lot of cowards out there, a lot of cowards, and those cowards are the ones that virtue signal Yeah, because they want to make sure that they're on the right side of your rage They want to be with you while you attack other people and then when it turns on them. It's horrific Like this Christy Teigen shit when you see it turn on her it's horrific The whole Bon Appetit thing was my favorite of all the cancellations.

What's Bon Appetit? Bon Appetit is an online, not an online, a magazine for food. Right. Oh, dude. What is that Bon Appetit thing? What are you saying? It's so much happened with them. Tell me.

I don't know. Do you know? Jamie, do you know? Don't you have a beer to get us? No. I will delete this whole thing. Sorry, I lost it. Good luck promoting your dumb shit.

So Bon Appetit was a culture. What's it called? It's a website, right? Yeah, but it was a- Magazine. No, no. What are those things we used to grow that in in science class uh a culture petri dish yeah petri dish for um anger and canceling uh it was that that's where it all was yeah so um alice and roman was there and then she was at um i don't know who that is alice and roman's a chef who

was being sassy and was shitting on a couple other chefs. Was like, oh, this chef doesn't even know what she's doing. She's a fucking model. One of them was Chrissy Teigen. She's a model. What the fuck does she know? Another chef was like, dude, this is so fun. This is off-air stuff, but this is so fun. Another chef

was somebody who talks about minimization. Oh, but she has a book line, so you're supposed to order stuff. She's being sassy. We've all kind of stuff but this is so fun another chef was somebody who talks about like minimalization and then oh but she has a book line so you're supposed to order stuff she's being sassy okay we've all kind of been that i don't give a fuck sassy interview comes out it's like just so you know both those chefs you were talking about were asian she was like what she's like they're both asian so and like no i was shitting on them for the the chef stuff like but they're both asian so we're gonna write this up as you're anti-asian whoa spin spin spins you know you know how it is spin spins suddenly she's like oh i have to grow as a person all that shit whatever the guy who ran

bon appetit the editor-in-chief 15 years earlier went to a cholo party in la i don't know if you ever been to one of those oh yeah all the time what there you go no you know what that is this oh wait a minute that's brownface dude that's brownface so he went into his office he went into the office the editor-in-chief who turned the fucking magazine around and made it successful and he goes hey listen i'm sorry about all that you don't have to read it i know the story i'm sorry about all that uh i'll try to be better and i'm gonna try to like uh maximize the voices of the uh minorities oh please let me read his exact quote bring that back because this is one of my favorite when people apologize you know it's not their actual voice i spent my career celebrating black latinx as soon as you say latinx that's not

how you say i'm done with you because latinos don't want to have anything to do with that latinas don't want anything to do with that either. The language doesn't allow it. Right. White people. That's white people. Dopey white people. Latinx, indigenous, Asian, and POC. People of color. Voices in food. And this feels like an

erasure of that work. Oh, have you spent your entire career celebrating indigenous voices in food? Imagine that. That this feels like an erasure of that work because he was dressing like a Puerto Rican guy. Yeah. But let me go back to that thing. Tell me that Luis Gomez wouldn't dress exactly like that. Luis Gomez would find it funny.

No, exactly. It's dead on. It's a costume party. And by the way, they found it on his Instagram, which means it wasn't a weird thing. He was hiding it. Brownface, they called it. And he goes, hey guys, sorry about that. I know this came up.

How is that brownface? That's a guy with a tank top on. It's obviously dumb. He doesn't even have something on his face. I know. I know. How do you call it brownface? Talk to San Francisco.

They invent all these words. Oh, San Francisco. Yeah. So he goes to his staff, says, hey guys, sorry about that. Let me show you this thing. Whatever. Move on. But I'll try to be better.

Whatever. Two of the lower level people go, that's not good enough. We want your job. You need to resign. Two better, whatever. Two of the lower level people go, that's not good enough. We want your job. You need to resign. Two lower level people. It's always lower level people. It's the 26 year olds.

Because they want your job. Everyone else is frozen. They're like, how do we say, you need to shut the fuck up. Right. This is the editor who turned our business around.

Then they start uncovering like other stuff. He didn't promote people, POCs enough. And then it starts going, whatever. Then they started doing the daily report

on Bon Appetit. Now you see their promo. It's all like gays, blacks. It's all that. It's all rainbow stuff. And then all the fucking women who were reading it

were like, what's my recipe? I want some fusion food. They're like, I don't want to fucking make chitlins. Like fucking come on. Yeah. And so then everyone's like,

well, where were you? So these gays are getting elevated into, fucking come on. Yeah. And so then everyone's like, well, where were you? So these gays are getting elevated into the editor. And then somebody else is like, as a Vietnamese adoptee in America, I feel like you marginalized my voice, you fucking gay. Because all it is is if I don't take your story, you've marginalized me. Right. And so it's just attack, attack, attack, attack, attack. And you have Alison Roman

who's fucking done can't work for the New York Times anymore living in northern New York can't live in New York City anymore and then her accuser

Chrissy Teigen who fucking says kill yourself to a statutory rape victim there's none of that thing where it's like if you kill the head

vampire you get off right so she's fucking out but whoever she accused is also out but is Chrissy Teigen Asian Slightly really yeah, what kind I don't know are you allowed to say what kind? Joe

She has strong features To all the Spotify employees. I don't stand by Joe Rogan's comments in any way I would like to say that I still listen to Spotify and please do not delete my account I have playlists on there that I want to get to To all the Spotify employees, I say go through the rap catalog. Music that I actually enjoy that celebrates murder and violence. And also take

them down. And go to that before you start talking about people who are comedians who are just talking shit. It's all so fun. So she's part Asian. Thai. Okay, that makes sense. She's got kind of a beautiful Thai face. Nobody hates Thai people.

Nobody. Yeah. Well, they made the best kickboxing style ever. That's Hannibal Buress. He's a fucking sweet-ass kickboxer. Yeah, I was telling Ari that, I don't know if I told this on the podcast, I ran into Hannibal in Thailand a few years back. I was there with my family.

We went to Chiang Mai, and we just decided to go ride. You going to piss in that? I am. Ari's going to piss in his water jug. I'm trying to. What are you doing? I'm not even putting the camera on. Okay, keep the camera on me. He's telling a story about Hannibal. I don't know if you understand this, Ari. Let's talk about Hannibal.

This is no longer the show that I used to have where back in the day when I was just doing it in my house and we were on a couch in my spare bedroom you could just pull your cock out sitting on the floor below you floor below me we were on the couch together

we had to crouch in so it was like one on the couch two below oh that one time yeah that's right early early early time we didn't have enough room on the couch because it was a laptop i'm looking at your cock um i've seen your cock a hundred times anyway and those days are it was okay for you to just pull

your dick out and pee on camera because no one was watching but now millions of people are watching and yet you think it's okay to just fucking piss you think that's cool it's a bodily function it's wrong you're peeing on my show it's rude would you do that on the jimmy kimmel show you farted too would you do that on the jimmy kimmel show i wouldn't i wouldn't do it on corolla i wouldn't do it on legion of skanks only you how come you don't like me because of lack of respect you have no respect for me i don't so we talked about it on the podcast. Yeah. Okay. We did talk about it. So Hannibal moved to Thailand for a while, more than a month, I believe. That's nuts. And he just decided he needed to stop drinking and wanted to lose weight and didn't know

anybody out there, and he just started doing Muay Thai. And this is right after he canceled Bill Cosby. Hey, look, it's a cock. Did you show it? Did you show it? Don't let him get us in trouble. I want to get you taken down so much. We'll get in big trouble.

I've only gotten people taken down on YouTube. I don't know if Spotify even gives a shit if you pull your hog out. I don't know. If anybody could do it, this show could do it. Yeah, maybe. You would be the... Yeah, they spent a lot of money for this stupid fucking show. Spotify. Hey, no, no, no.

Appreciate the... No, no, no, no. Let's not test the waters. A lot of people are already mad because of what you said about Vietnamese influencers or whatever. I said nobody hates Thai people. Don't spit my words. Someone said, as a Vietnamese refugee, you've rejected my work and you're minimalizing my contribution.

Once you hear somebody say, as a, you're like, nah, not interested. Identity politics is toxic. I love it. It's just toxic. People are just- It's the only way to be. No, no, no. People are just people.

I love the chance I had finally when Nick Cannon was like, Jews made up the fucking Mount Sinai or whatever the fuck he said. What did he say? I don't even, I remember barely- Wasn't he talking to Professor Griff from Public Enemy? Something like that. He's a professor. Who is he?

You have to like the academics. Eddie Bravo had Professor Griff on his podcast? Something like that. He's a professor. Who is he? You have to like the academics. Eddie Bravo had Professor Griff on his podcast way back in the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a good time with him. It was finally my opportunity because they were like, of course you'd say this because this. It was finally my opportunity. He goes, guys, I'm a Jew.

He's attacking Jews for the first time. Let him say whatever the fuck he wants to say. He might have some good points. He might not. Who gives a fuck? Don't fire that guy over fucking whatever the fuck he wants to say he might have some good points he might not who gives a fuck don't fire that guy over fucking whatever the fuck he wants to say it's not on America's Got Talent he's not like somebody's not juggling everyone's like that was amazing

what do you think Nick Cannon's like only 2,000 people died in the holocaust like if he did it on no but if he did it on the fucking America's Got Talent you'd be like hey dude retake reshoot yeah cut that part out any other normal time, say what the fuck you want. Yeah. I hate

this fucking world. Did they fire him? I don't know. They stopped wilding out for a while and they started up again. Some shit happened and then I think some things have been worked out. You know why? Everybody defended him on Wildin' Out. They're like, we're not going to really work without him. And they go, ah, fuck. All right, bring him back. What is Wildin' Out? What is

Wildin' Out? What is Wild N Out? What is that? It's a show that's been on MTV for about 20 years. Dude. It's crazy. It's fake rap, fake battle rap. Fake.

Oh, yeah. Is it fake? Well, what is real then? I mean, because it's not like, it's not improv. It's not improv.

It's not improv. They pre-write it for them, but they're like, okay, I'll go back and forth. You know how like, 8 Mile? They write it for each other? They have writers. Oh oh they have writers yeah the people come on there and like that is fake paddle right it's that's like fake stand-up

that's like um tom hanks in punchline right somebody wrote that for him it's not a real comic in punchline they wrote it for him yeah or yeah the writers the writers have you ever seen that movie it's a long time s. Sally Fields and Tom Hanks? Terrible. They have lockers. Yeah, that's always got me. There's no lockers in the comedy club. That's why I can't watch movies about comedy because I'm like, you're gonna

get it wrong. It's gonna make me angrier than it should. If comedy clubs had lockers, guys would steal the key and shit in your locker. Instantly. Yeah, look at this. This is Wild N' Out. They're doing dances and improv skits. Okay. And people are actually watching this. Yeah, look at this. This is Wild N' Out. They're doing dances and improv skits. Okay, and people are actually watching this. They do dance a lot.

Is it popular? Yeah. Look how popular. Look at everybody. Everybody's having a good time. It's on MTV. They don't show tons of shows, so. Yeah, MTV doesn't have a lot of shows anymore, right?

What is MTV mostly these days? Ridiculousness. Ridiculousness. Oh, that Rob Drydeck show? Mm-hmm. That's literally the whole network? Yeah. A lot of it. Oh, that Rob Drydeck show? That's literally the whole network? Yeah.

A lot of it. It's a very popular thing, right? Yeah, there used to be great music, then there were interesting reality shows, and then they were just like... So now it's not... Do they have music videos at all anymore? Probably like an hour a day. On YouTube, for sure. Really?

Oh, if you're releasing a music video, you release really see on YouTube whatever happened to yo MTV raps it was marginalized on shirts if you see a you off to your house a dope shirt 80s is now made our massive comeback that's like a like a vintage Led Zeppelin shirt cool mother one of my favorites is a Weasel shirt from then. From Pauly? Yeah, from Pauly that he had from way back. And it was like with that wild like 80s style. Pauly's living in Vegas now.

I ran into him in Vegas. Great. He was backstage at the Chappelle shows I did. Wow. Yeah, Dave and I were doing the MGM and Pauly was there. He lives there. He lives in Vegas. The MGM was amazing.

It was so fun Segura did it too how was the Chappelle I heard oh my god we had so much fun it was so fun it was amazing

everybody was so excited where do you put the we did it once but it was like a very small small part of the MGM right this is bigger now

with Chappelle yes the whole MGM when we did it it was only like four or five thousand people we pushed the stage right up to the audience and then like went to there Bourdain came to see us there it was you, 4,000 or 5,000 people. We pushed the stage right up to the audience and then went to there.

Bourdain came to see us there. It was you, me, and Diaz. How's he doing? He's dead. Dude, he used to come. He's dead. Killed himself. You didn't know?

Legitimately? I didn't know about Bon Appetit and you don't know about Anthony Bourdain. Who the fuck is out of touch? Wow. I mean, I'm fucking with you, but like, yeah, this is, wow. Wow. That's heavy, dude. That's heavy.

That was one of the first times he came to see us do stand-up. You asked me about depression after he killed himself on this podcast. I remember. I was going along with it, dude. Oh, okay. Jesus Christ. You don't think I know that you know? I've been doing this the whole show.

Damn it. Damn it. I mean, I don't know legitimately about the Bon Appetit thing. I did not know about that. It's so fun. I got to talk to you more about it. Please do. Keep going.

Let me tell you the legitimately most scary part. So that shit that happens at Bon Appetit, this is important. Yes. That shit that happens at Bon Appetit where is important That shit that happens at Bon Appetit Where two 25 year olds Whatever can go that's not good enough You need to quit And everyone's frozen because you can't be like shut up

So the guy goes oh okay I guess I'll Step down So he quit himself? He quit he had to step down Disgraced Did a great job before that Should have hung in there like Mario Cuomo. See him?

Oh, that's right. Doing good. No, that is what you should do. Or Andre. What's his name? For sure, that's a technique. Andrew Cuomo? Andrew.

Him quitting is very high up in this long article, so there's a lot more to go. Oh, there's so much, dude. There's so much. Yeah. Oh, the fucking editor-in-chief resigned, too? That was the guy in the picture. Oh, that's him? Yeah.

He looks good like that. I think he shouldn't dress up like a Puerto Rican anymore. He shouldn't do brown face anymore. I like his jacket. Slick. Handsome. That sort of thing also happens. Stylish jacket with a V-neck t-shirt.

It's a good look. That sort of thing also happens at, used to happen at Comedy Central. Where you'd have the people working there go, hey, why don't you hire some more of this, more of that? Of course. And they're frozen because they can't go, hey, this comic, I don't even see this shit, is really, I had Reggie Conquist's comic open for me in Baltimore a couple weeks ago.

He's black. It's nothing to do with it. He couldn't come for the last, he thought I was driving him, I was already down there, and then he was like, oh, fuck. So I was like, hey, I need an opener. He goes, well, do you need a specific,

I would go, stop right there, find me the best opener you have in town. Whatever you're gonna say, I know what you're, oh, fuck. So I was like, hey, I need an opener. He goes, well, do you need a specific? I go, stop right there. Find me the best opener you have in town. Whatever you're going to say, I know what you're going to say. Stop. Get me a great opener. I'm not interested. I bring Adrian Appaloochee with me a lot. And if she can't come, so does it have to be a girl?

I'm like, I'm not thinking of that when I'm booking her. Stop. Anyway, that sort of thing. So Comedy Central, the head-ups back then, couldn't go, well, we just have this great comic because everyone else is looking at them. So they're frozen. Everyone's frozen by the 25, 26-year-olds

who start accusing you of stuff. Right. Right? Now, who chooses how people think about the world? The media in general, right? Social media, the New York Times makes a lot of public thought. Podcasts have an impact. Podcasts, for sure. Now, they're a little more free because you don't have Jamie pressuring you, right? Social media, the New York Times makes a lot of public thought.

Podcasts have an impact. Podcasts for sure. Now they're a little more free because you don't have Jamie like pressuring you but you have social pressure. No, this is a podcast. Yeah. You have social pressure

of how to act but like it's not actually anyone on staff. But that shit that happens at Comedy Central, the shit that happens at Bon Appetit, you also have that happening

at the New York Times which really legitimately does choose the way people think. Yes. So you have someone say, I want to run this story that says, this is what I found. You have two 25, 26 year olds who might go over your head on Slack. Do you know what Slack is? It's like a messaging service for just like work.

Go over your head to your boss, if you're their boss, and go, "'Hey, he's doing something racially problematic,' or, "'He's not hiring, he's not sending our stories out "'cause I'm a black person or because I'm an Indian,' or whatever." And so everyone's running in fear. So now everyone at the New York Times has to cross-reference their stories with like, "'Hey, you're a black reporter here.

"'Can you read this to make sure this is all okay?' And the black reporter's like, "'Dude, I'm not fucking putting my name on that in case there's something you wrote wrong. Right. So they're all bending over backwards to make sure the 25-year-old is coddled, is okay. And they're choosing how everyone thinks about the world. So you'll see, even if they go a little bit more, let's conservative leaning or like not even like socially conservative leaning they'll also finish it with but you know you also have to finish you have to account for they can't just do that because they're afraid of those two girls they're afraid of them because

they're running things we are fucked we are fucked as a society fucked because i think we take over that's what i think i think rational people that are actual real human beings, they can have a conversation like we're having, where they're talking shit, but when we're serious, you can tell that we're being serious about these things. Well, we're in the in-between time, where we're still, we're raised thinking New York Times is the truth, so we're still trying to, uh, uh, uh, and then now it's slowly shifting. We're in the in-between, we're still looking to a place that's no longer giving us the truth for the truth.

Yes. And then soon we'll be like, we're ignoring you completely. I're still looking to a place that's no longer giving us the truth for the truth. Yes. And then soon we'll be like, we're ignoring you completely. I get it. Clickbait. That's fine. Keep getting it. We're going here for actual real thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why Abby Martin quit, right? She's like, you're not letting me do this stuff. My friend Jake Hanrahan, who's like, I don't believe in the war stuff. Barry Weiss. Barry Weiss quit New York Times because they were too woke. I'd love to talk to her about that shit. She would love to talk to you about it. She'd talk to you about it.

Barry's awesome. And she's looking you about it. Barry's awesome. And she's looking right at you. Barry, can I please? He's also a Jew. I do a podcast called I would like to have you on it. His dad. And the problems at the New York Times.

I've already talked to people there. Tell her about your dad. Holocaust survivor. My dad survived the Holocaust and actually helped kill Hitler. He was like, I'm not sure I want to do this. And he's like, do it, dude. It's just a

fucking, it's a weight loss pill. Just take it. I don't think that part's true. But Barry had to leave New York Times. She just couldn't do it anymore. I think she's got a sub stack now. They're all realizing that you can make a lot of money on your own. But also what you can do is, if you're not driven

by money, you can be artistically validated. Yes. But also, like, when you're at the New York Times for a certain amount of time, it validates you. You've already got your name. Yeah. And people realize, like, there's a lot of people that are former New York Times authors, and that's a part of their resume.

You have used to write for New York Times. My friend worked for South Park for two years, Brian Keith Etheridge. We did open mics together. Great guy. And then, like, after two years, he asked his, he asked his agents, I want to keep working there. And they go, nah, dude. You're barely making any money. That's a Comedy Central show.

Now you have that on your resume. Three years or two years is the same. Time to move. Let's go make you 20 grand a week. Yeah, all these networks are just so saddled down. I mean, if they got involved in the podcasting world, how quickly would they fuck it up? Like, imagine if Comedy Central started producing podcasts. What if Comedy Central came in the podcasting world how quickly they would they fuck it up like imagine if comedy central started producing podcasts like what if comedy central came up it up swooped in and all the executives from comedy central that were fucking with your show zero fucking with

all these different shows what what exactly was the fallout with you and them i'm forgetting now what why you wound up leaving that show. What was it? Do you remember? Yeah, no, I remember. Before I start this, Ryan Moran was the only great person there. He's still there. He's a solid guy who always fought for me to say the real thing

and be able to stop censorship as much as I can. Everybody else there. Kudos to you, sir. They lost their mind when I sold my special on Netflix. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's what it was. You sold your special on Netflix instead of Comedy Central,

and they were negotiating with you, as was Netflix, but Netflix paid a lot more money, and it's a lot more exposure. Netflix didn't pay a lot more money. They didn't? I made less at Netflix. What are you, retarded? There's more exposure i want

my i want my stuff being seen i'm an artist i want my stuff being seen what the fuck's wrong with you take the loot i wish i was there was a double special i wish i wish i could go back and talk to you again you know what i was gonna do tell you to keep the job you keep the money you didn't you told me to walk away you gave me great advice you know what you said you know what joe rugged said he goes um so i mean i was crying on the phone with you. Yeah, I remember that. I was jerking off. Oh.

When guys cry, I like to beat off. Didn't change it completely, but it alters my thoughts on it now. I'm going to process that. But yeah, they were like, you're going to have to walk away. They said, we're going to put all these people out of work on two weeks notice. Good luck to have them pay their rent. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

And you go, well, I'll tell you what. Why don't I host for you to keep going? I'll do that for free. He goes, don't have to pay me. I'll do it for free. Yeah, it was a tough time. That's right. I said I would step in for free to keep the show running so the people that work there

They said we're contractually obligated to 10 episodes. We were going to do 20 so we could get your schedule so you could actually think about your stand-up all the time not be editing Constantly do 20 at once and then and then like we're gonna put him out of work in no time And then it was like and then they start going out to other people to host and this was all just because you wouldn't do Your special at Comedy Central they were still in the place where they were thinking like we could compete with Netflix They weren't and we said like hey more people more eyeballs will be on this not happening if I do a Netflix special and they Said this people all fired now, but they said like what we see it is work adding more eyeballs to Netflix I remember I completely forgot about it, you know

I think the reason I forgot about it was it was so painfully stupid to me It was so that when things like that happen, I swear to God, dude, I have like a file that I put that kind of stupid shit and I just shut the door and I just keep moving. Like I've purposely blocked that out. Now the moment you're saying it, now I'm getting angry again. Yeah.

Because I remember that dumb fucking conversation where I just wanted to be in a room with these people and go, you idiots have no business dictating anything when it comes to art you don't know what the fuck you're doing you don't understand stand-up they couldn't even show the thing i was showing i did a double special not a two-part double special show it and they're like we're gonna show one we're not sure about the other i'm like there is no other they're together it's a together they're both commenting on each other child and adult special

yeah yeah you're on netflix yeah you can watch now what's it called uh double negative double on each other. It's a child and adult special. Yeah. Yeah. On Netflix. Yeah. You can watch it now. What's it called? Double Negative. Double Negative. It's available now. Children, adulthood. You can go watch it.

You can watch it, you should. But like, but like, you got, it just isn't working. Ah, I'm so mad and I was so. That's right, I remember. And then I was like, anyone I suggested to take over for me, I was like, how about I step away. Right. Let Bert host.

No, cause he did his special on Showtime. Let Big J host. I i'm like i can still why they say no to me that oh in the end it was because i suggested it i was so persona non grata i suggested henry rollins ali sadiq i'm like this will fucking loft ali sadiq yeah if you have him on he is of this show he's told multiple stories on this show. Right. My crowd knows him now. Right. Like, who's going to take over Chappelle's show? Right. Some guy who's done one part.

Donnell and fucking, whatever his name is. Dead fuck. What's his name? Charlie Murphy. Yeah. You son of a bitch. I couldn't remember his name right away. Dead fuck.

Jesus Christ, dude. The point is, all right. He was my friend. Five second rule. So. Oh my God. You want a cigar? Five second rule. So. So. Oh, my God. Anyone I suggest they sit down.

I would love a cigar. How about a cigar with my face on it? Ooh. Look at that. What is this? Foundation Cigars made special cigars. Oh, that's cool, dude. Like super legit cigars. That's cool. With the JRE logo on it. That's cool, dude. Super legit cigars. That's cool.

With the JRE logo on it. That's cool. By the way, everybody, I should stop and say this right now. You're apologizing for dead fuck? No, I'm not apologizing for dead fuck. I'll never apologize for anything fucking... Oh, I didn't get the B cut.

Yeah. There's another lighter over there somewhere. Anytime I talk about this crazy shit that's happened in my life or whatever at all... There's one, that little Stormtrooper one right there. Everything's another lighter over there somewhere. Anytime I talk about this crazy shit that's happened in my life or whatever at all. There's one, that little Stormtrooper one right there. Everything's great. I'm smoking cigars. Yeah, you're great.

The Joe Rogan experience. It's all good. I'm not complaining about life. My life is fucking sick. Ari and I have been friends forever. We're tight. You know what I was going to do? I wanted, I really wanted to pay the staff on my own.

I was going to pay them. It was going to be $750,000. I figured it out by the line producer. And I was going to take all the money I made for the 10 episodes. That is going to be $300,000, something like that. Have all my savings. And I was going to, I didn't

tell you yet, but I was going to borrow $400,000 from you. You didn't tell me yet? I figured you would do it. I would have given it to you. I know you would have. 100%. I know 100%. That's why I was banking would do it. I would have given it to you. I know you would have. 100%. I know 100%. That's why I was banking on it. And I would have paid them and I worked it off.

I would have paid you back and I would have worked it off and I would have said, hey, everybody, Viacom has made it so I am now broke because I had to pay everybody and I would have called their bluff

and they wouldn't, the other people wouldn't fucking do it. We would have fucking won. Yeah, it would have been nice. But Roy Wood stepped in. He asked me, like a gentleman.

Roy Wood's the shit, though. He is the shit. He was like, hey, what's going on here? He didn't, it wasn't a cunt. Luckily that he got it because he's such a cool motherfucker. Absolutely. He was like, hey, shut this down. What the fuck are they doing?

And I was like, hey, dude, if you don't take it, like, a lot of comics aren't getting an opportunity to fucking shine. He's perfect. Someone has to. He's perfect for that gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was perfect for it. Yeah, he's perfect for that gig because you just want to help elevate that guy's signal.

Yeah. He's cool as fuck. He's really funny. He's really smart too, man. One of the most underrated comics. A definite crusher. Like a crusher. Like you have trouble following him kind of crusher.

Like it'll work you. But like doesn't quite get the credit that he deserves. I'll tell you the most underrated comic in America. Earthquake. Earthquake. Earthquake crushes. He's one of the best comics alive. That makes an argument. I think he's the best comic

that he should be selling in a long career too. When J.B. Smoove and him, when I started doing Black Rooms and stuff a little bit, when they were both crushing the point, like crying and choking, J.B. Smooth is not doing stand-up anymore. He's not?

No, he went acting route. It's fine. He had a crushing career, but Earthquake never stopped doing that. Every time I have a bombing story in front of J.B. Smooth? Bombed in front of him? Ever tell you this story? No.

That was a good one. I was in New Jersey. We had this gig at a college, and it was a. That was a good one. I was in New Jersey. We had this gig at a college and it was a weird gig. The college was in the middle of New Jersey where like bears live and shit. Like people don't realize

that New Jersey you think of New Jersey you think of like Jersey Shore. Yeah. Or you think of Hackensack like just out Hoboken.

Literally nobody thinks of Hackensack. Okay Hoboken. Okay. I'll give you that. Sorry. I was really I meant to say Hoboken but I couldn't didn't have it in the top my head

Well, we're even with that Charlie Murphy thing now Anyway, it's This is in the 90s. Okay, so when you would get a gig for like a college I would literally be on the phone with the booking agency like probably was probably like Barry Katz's company, Boston Comedy, and I would have a pad and a pen and paper. And they would go, okay, you take this highway to this exit, exit 35, remember those days? And then you go five miles and you go down this road for six miles and you take the right

hand turn to this street. Good cigars, right? Legit. Shout out to Foundation Cigars. They're legit. Yeah. They made like a legit, very good cigar. It's a very good cigar with my logo on it.

But he explained it to me, like how they made it and everything. Anyway, so this gig in Jersey is fucking hard to find, man. It's hard to find. It's confusing as shit. And I went with my girlfriend at the time, right? So we take this drive. We go all the way down there. And then we go to this place.

It's in the middle of fucking nowhere. And it was hard to find. And we were on time, barely. But we got there, and JB hadn't made it there yet. JB was the opening act. And so I say, well, what do you guys want to do? They said, well, we'll just give it some time. We'll wait for him to get here.

In the meantime, here's our little rec room. You can sit here. You can watch TV or something. So I was like 24, something like that. Damn. 23, 24. I was young and dumb and full of cum. That's why my girlfriend was there.

And I was like- Can't bring your girlfriend to comedy shows. Young comics, stop bringing your girlfriend to comedy shows. Well, if she's cool, you could bring her, but- Sit away from the other comics. It depends. Until they get to know her. It depends.

Yeah. Depends on the person. Depends on the relationship. Anyway, in this case, it was a college gig. Okay, that's fine. You know, you'd show up like a mercenary. You'd do your job, and you'd drive two and a half hours home. It was one of those gigs.

Yeah. So we're waiting. And so I start watching TV, and I start watching this fucking show on the Malibu fires and it was so depressing it was so depressing there was this guy who was a fireman who was weeping openly weeping talking

about how his house was just like miraculously spared and then like maybe his neighbor's house was spared and then like the guy across the street was gone and five other Houses were gone and then two other houses you could see like this fire just like haphazard Let's just like the last fire They just they jump and they embers land on roofs and they light everything on fire

And then there's this little girl walking around she was calling out for her dog. Oh, it's like rusty. Where are you rusty? She's like, Rusty, where are you, Rusty? Rusty? And I'm sitting here so depressed. And then the people walk in and go, well, JB isn't here, so we're just gonna start with you. Is that okay? I go, when do you wanna start? They go, we're gonna start now.

I'm like, oh no. So I went on stage. I know respect this art form. I went on stage. Oh my god. Well, they were kids. They were kids. They were my age or younger.

Younger. I was 20. Like I said, I was 23. Well, they were kids. They were kids. They were my age or younger. Younger. I was 20. Like I said, I was 23 or 24, and they were probably like 20. And they brought me in, and they just, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joe Rogan. And I go on stage and just choke on fat sausages of shit. I was so depressed. I was so bummed out, and I was so dumb that I would watch something super depressing.

Not just watch something super depressing, but take it in. Take in this guy crying. This guy was weeping. This guy was like, I saved up all my money. You felt? Oh my God. This guy built this house with his bare hands. And here's the thing about this guy that was so touching.

He didn't even lose his house. He was sad that his neighbors lost his house. He was sad that his house was still there and that he had survival guilt because like three or four houses around him were gone. And then this girl looking for her dog and I'm so bummed out. And I just choked on shit.

I bombed so hard. And I remember I could tell my girlfriend was so unattracted to me when I got off stage. Oh, yeah. You told me that early. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crush it. You can get lit. You can just grab a girl like, you want to go?

Let's go. But bomb and your own girlfriend is like, hey, I got to rethink this. She was looking at me like, what was that? I was like, what was that? Jesus, I don't know. I just choked. I ate shit. It was terrible. I was that? Jesus, I don't know. I just choked. I ate shit. It was terrible.

I was saying the right jokes. It's not like I forgot my jokes. I just did not have any feeling. And then JB went up after me. I go, is he here? And then I brought up JB Smoot, and he murdered me. So you couldn't even be like, it's not a good crowd? I mean, he murdered.

You don't have to plausible deny it. He murdered. He crushed. He was so loose. He a good crowd. I mean, he murdered. You don't have the plausible denial. He murdered. He crushed. He was so loose. He's the crush. He was so late. I mean, he showed up like 40 minutes. Not everybody would have been late to this fucking ridiculous gig.

It was in the middle of the woods, man. You couldn't get there. It was so hard to find. I don't remember what the university was, but it was. Look, I was not getting like Rutgers. I was getting like some shit universities. I was a nobody. I had no credits.

I had no credits. I just did one NACA convention. I got a few colleges, you know? And so he went on afterwards and just murdered. And I remember watching him going, God damn, he's funny. He's so funny. He would do more with less words. He was like, you ever see a girl, her hair pulled back too tight?

And then that was a setup. And for the next four and a half minutes, five minutes, just go. He was so likable. He was, yeah. He's so likable. Like when he's doing his bits, you want to laugh at him. Most underrated comics. Earthquake.

Earthquake. Number one. Okay. But let's do a top five or something. Okay. Or many that we know. Earthquake, in my opinion, Earthquake's number one. Because I've seen Earthquake murder at the Comedy Store

one night and I was like, Jesus. He never doesn't. But it was like thunderous, no one got a break, no pause, thunderous. I saw him do five at Kim Whitley and Buddy Lewis's Black Room at the Ha Ha and just like came on. He was already well known in the black community. I didn't know him, you know?

I didn't know Paul Mooney. So it's like I never even know him. And then he's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. He's just like that. Boom, boom, boom, earthquake. Put the mic down on the stand and walked out. Not even in the stand, on the stool. Just go, boom, boom, boom, earthquake.

And it was like, blah! It was so fucking cool. Murderous. I was like, that's the line? Yeah. And it's like, I don't even haven't seen anybody seen anybody touch that line he can murder as much as joey diaz killing on like a wednesday night when he's high as fuck at the comedy store earthquakes earthquake number one underrated i get it we're talking about underrated yeah roy wood very underrated i agree those two

um i would say even though he's known as a, I don't think he gets the respect that he deserves. I think he's the number one comic in New York. David Tell. Yes. He is respected high, but not as high as he is good. Right. He's respected amongst comics and amongst comedy fans. Crushes new material constantly.

Constantly. Watching him. I saw Eddie Griffin and Mark Curry in the back when I was an employee at the store watching Paul Mooney. And I remember hearing them. I forget which one was there already. The other one walked up.

They know each other, like both celebrities at the time. And they're like, what you doing? And the other just goes, just watching the legend. And they both just turned and watched him for 20 minutes because he was. He was a legend. That's what we do and the other just goes watching the legend and they both just turned and watched him for 20 minutes because he was he was a legend yeah that's what we do with the tell yes

we're just like damn we learn how to like that's how you write a joke okay last time i worked with the improv and it was not a big crowd it's a fairly small crowd i was doing a spot i don't remember i don't think it was my show i think it was somebody else's show but it was a late night spot you know it's like probably like 1145, a tell goes up and just murders. And we were sitting in the back, it was, oh, that's right, it was me and my friend Tom. Tommy Hershko was there.

And we were in the back and he was murdering. I mean, just straight up murdering. And I was just thinking like, God, I don't see this guy enough. He's so good. Yeah. So clever. His joke writing is so on. I don't see this guy enough. He's so good. Yeah. So clever. His joke writing is so on.

I don't even know how to describe it. And he hates everything he does. As soon as he does it, he's like, oh, that joke's terrible. Yeah. I'm like, bleh, bleh, bleh.

Yeah, but that was a crushing, and he's on such a high level that he can analyze. If you're a fourth grader writing a paper, you're like, it's a pretty good paper. But a college professor

would be like, that would be a terrible paper for me. Right, right, right. So he's operating on a level that a fourth grader wouldn't understand. Yeah. So you're like, that was a good joke. It was a dumb switch. Like, he'll break it down as it's too, like, minor for him or something.

It's part of what makes him great is that he doesn't appreciate himself. It sounds so crazy, but it is true. Makes him keep driving. Yeah, it does. That happens to a lot of people. Like, the more you don't appreciate yourself, the less're likely to like puff yourself up yeah so the more you're likely to critique yourself which so the more you're likely to tighten everything up and make sure your bits are the best they could possibly be he also yeah he also got any anywhere you see

him on your lineup you're gonna have a great night if you go it's one of the best of all time of all time now you should like but. You should like, but like, he'll do things too where like, where like, he'll tackle subjects that aren't, so a lot of comics,

so now that it's more easily able to film specials, they're like always forming your special, you know, going towards a special. But he's like, hey,

here's a topical joke. I got probably about a three week run on this. Right. Because what I take as his theory, I don't know but he goes it's my my job as a comic to tackle this for three weeks Yeah, until it's done. It won't be on anything right, but you go to the cellar right after that happens And you see it tell he'll have a bit on it. Yeah, and he's a guy that was the most imitated Unconsciously like oh yeah, I don't think people, I think some people did it consciously,

but a lot of people were just doing it. They didn't know why. They just had a cadence that sounded like a tell. He came to visit the store one week every two years, and for the next month after that, all my new jokes were in a tell cadence. I couldn't help it. It just came out.

There's a lot of guys like that. I had a problem with Richard Jenney like that, and when I first started out, I was imitating Richard came out. There's a lot of guys like that. I had a problem with Richard Jenny like that and when I first started out I was like imitating Richard Jenny. He's a dead fuck too. I didn't know him like I knew Charlie so I could accept you saying that. Fair enough. Yeah, that one. Brody for

sure. Brody for sure. Super underrated. No, Brody in terms of imitatable. Oh my god, so yes. I'd have David Taylor from the back. We would do this. Actually, he just did it for me. If I started talking like Brody in terms of imitatable Oh my god, so, yes I'd have David Taylor from the back, we would do this Actually, he just did it for me, if I started talking like Brody he would interrupt me, I'd ask him to Just go, you're doing Brody! Like in the middle of a set

Thank you, and stop Who else is underrated? It's a tough one, because it's not like who's good There's so much media now Yeah, Chappelle's not underrated, right? So it's not like who's good. There's so much media now. Yeah, Chappelle's not underrated, right? Right, no. So it's like who's underrated?

How can you be underrated when people think you're the GOAT? Who's underrated? It's mostly low-level comics who don't have the name yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mostly people on the come up. Yeah, it's mostly people on the way up. Well, if we find them, we'll broadcast them. Yeah, it's mostly people on the come up. Yeah, it's mostly people on the way up. Yeah. Well, if we find them, we'll broadcast them.

That's one of the cool things about our group, at least. Like, when we find someone who's really good, we don't suppress a fucking thing. That's one of the saddest things when you meet a comic who suppresses whether or not someone's good or not, and they try to pretend someone's not that good when you know they're a murderer. I try to post...

I'm always looking for, like... I have this problem with instagram i'm off twitter but on instagram i'm like i don't want to do anything serious i feel like it's lame it's a comic to do something serious right so i'm like how can i promote those those tour posters are a good way promote and be funny yeah yeah yeah and so like how can i feel content on there? And one way I figured out is I'll just post funny comics clips on my Instagram. That's a good move. Takes up time. People who follow me are like, oh, that's funny. Thank you for this funny thing.

And then you can promote somebody. I do a lot of that just to encourage people. You're the best at it. Yeah. You're the best at it. Well, I have a crazy platform. You do? I feel like I have an obligation.

I really do. And it's weird, man. The obligation's very weird. The responsibilities that come with it are very strange. But you doing that? You promoting comics and stuff? I mean, it's a joke writing Joe Rogan's coattails, but you've helped all of us a ton. So it's like, that's your tithing.

That's your giving back to charity. You don't believe in the Catholic Church. You believe in the Church of Comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like like let me donate to comedy by having on Ali McCoss somebody new on this podcast Brian Simpson the other day Brian Simpson who's up and coming

he's fantastic he's funny as fuck dude he goes back and forth once we open up he's gonna do the Netflix half hours yes he's very very good he's got massive potential back and forth. Okay, great. Once we open up, whoo! He's going to do the Netflix half hours the next round. Yes. He's very, very good.

He's got massive potential and he's a 10-year guy. So he's 10 years in. That's the exact time. Yep, yep, yep. Matured. Matured. Got his act down.

Got his delivery down. Got his confidence down. Those guys are the best when they're unfound at 10 years because you get to finish cooking. Mm-hmm. The seven years when they get discovered too early,

it's like, oh, you weren't done. You got taken out of the oven too fast. If you do a special at five years, you're fucked. Yeah, seven years when they get discovered too early it's like oh you weren't done you got taken out of the other special at five years you're fucked yeah and then you think you're good you got people watch that special and go yuck yeah yeah yeah the first time i got on mtv i think i've been doing comedy for five years and it was like it's not that good yeah somebody's got to find that. It's out there. Can you find that? People can find it. Oh, my God. It's out there. Yeah, it's not very good.

Oh, so cute, though. Full head of hair. Full head of hair, 170 pounds. Oh, yeah, that's the old Joe Rogan headshot. Can you bring that up? That's sexy. It's so, it's, I mean, your face is completely different. I don't know what makes a head grow that big, but something.

Testosterone and a lot of lifting weights. I was going to say it, but yeah. A lot of lifting weights. And then a lot of just mass. When I lost weight, though, when I – that's me. Wow. Look at that. The same size shirt you wear now.

Yeah, basically. It's just draping off you. So you got to realize this is – so this is like 93? Yeah. 92 or 93? Yeah. don't give me any volume shut that off turn that off now i'll fucking projectile vomit on ari's stupid shirt yeah if you i dude i have i have worse shit i have some shit that I found. I have some VHS tapes from me just starting out. I was like 1989. Yeah.

Oh, it's so bad. Yeah. It's so bad. The problem is if you put them up, people, here's what, it's going to be like a lot of like, oh, you're awful, which is fine. It'll hurt, but also like you're right. Right. But then also, this is what'll hurt more.

You get like, I kind of liked it. No. It's the worst comment. I had a couple good jokes. I know, but. I had a couple good jokes. I know, but. I had a couple good bits. You were good enough to get on TV. It wasn't like you had nothing, nothing.

It's just you're looking back at it from where you are now. Yeah, I wasn't selling out arenas. I wasn't even thinking I was ever going to. You were so small. Well, that was when I was, you got to realize, I was just retiring from fighting. When I fought, I fought, the last fights I had, the kickboxing fights, were at 160 pounds. What, 60? Yeah.

That's so svelte. That's Berk Kreischer weight. Well, I didn't lift any weights back then. That's me when I was on hardball. That was the first year that I was on television. So that is like- Oh, you were the first Joker tattoo already. Yeah, man.

I got that when I was 20, 20 or 21. That's, yeah, that's me in, oh, God, I said 93, I think. Damn. That's around the same time. Yeah, there you go. Look how happy you look. 94, 1994. There you go.

I saw you got this one. I was happy. I was super happy. Yeah, I like that tattoo. That's dope. Who did that? It's really good. This guy in Montanita um this dude i

was i saw him like we did like we just rented a car and just did like loops around ecuador you know there's amazon mountains and beach three very different like regions run by different indigenous people and different cultures and stuff so this i bought a t-shirt from him like all those t-shirts was really cool bunch of shuar warriors and he goes i made it that's my t-shirt from him. I'm like, oh, this t-shirt is really cool. A bunch of Shuar Warriors. And he goes, I made it. That's my t-shirt. I designed it. I was like, oh, fucking rad. Then later, I was like, listen, I thought I might be here a month. I've been here five and a half months.

I should get a tattoo of this place, of this experience. It was so freeing, dude. Oh, man, I wish you could have. It was so freeing. Who visited? Some people visited you. Joe List and Sarah visited me. A lot of people said they would.

Joe List and Sarah visited me. Who said they wouldn't people said they would. Joe List and Sarah visited me. Who said they wouldn't but didn't? Let's shame them. Shame is the right one. It's Shame Gillis. Shame Gillis. Why has that never crossed my mind before? Shame Gillis.

Shame Gillis. Because he was drinking. Photoshoppers, start your work. Shame Gillis. He was drinking those Bud Lights and he got sleepy. Yeah, he said he was going to come and then he started getting a hell of road work. Oh, well, it's hard to judge him on that. Yeah.

I mean, the kid got canceled. That's fair. You know? I'm the one who tipped off that reporter, too. But like, what if that's secretly just trying to get ahead by doing that? It's for your own good, Shane. SNL's not for you. Gilly and Keeves.

Guys, go YouTube. Gillian Keyes is one of the very best sketch shows that has ever existed. We watch them. Our friends. They're so good. Even my normcore friends. So good. Even my normcore friends.

Like, there's a new Gillian Keyes. Like, I don't know what his schedule is. The Trump speed dating thing is fucking brilliant. The new one, the Sibian dad, the OnlyFans dad. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a great one. Jesus Christ, that's good. Dude, you know, in the Trump dating one, the chick

at the end, the Republican chick who really likes him, that's my social media manager. Oh, that's hilarious. That's Kyla. You know what's really funny, man? Yeah, that's just who she really is. It's literally some of the best sketch comedy that I've ever seen in my life, and he's free. No rules, just right. Because there's

no rules. He can say whatever he wants. Make him a bid. It's amazing. He's so good. And SNL, I swear to God, it's better this way. It's better. It's better to do this. It's going to take more time for people to see him, but you saw the pop that he got the other night at Vulcan when he went on?

Jesus Christ, they go crazy. It's better this way. It would be nice if, if like it's not like him deciding hey I don't want to do this it's unfair like they say like yeah he'll do great but like he could have been he could have like taken over that show

did you see when Norm Macdonald went after SNL Norm Macdonald went after SNL and he posted a clip of Gillian Keyes a genius clip and he posted a clip of Gillian Keyes, a genius clip. And he said, this is better than anything that SNL's done. And he put this up. You fucking idiots.

You lost this guy. Wow. Yeah, Norm Macdonald did that. I don't think Lorne wanted to lose him. Norm Macdonald's a fuck. He didn't. Yeah. Shane was talking about it.

Look, it was out of their hands. Everybody was going crazy. You're saying Shane now casually. He just said it. Shane was- All they afford him is Shane Gillis. He's great. I love he's everybody loves shame it was kind of bummed me out though because there was a moment on the podcast where he said that he was hoping that i was going to come and save him he said i was hoping i was going to come and have him on my podcast i was like really

you know why why because this is a giant platform that right people that start, starting comics, are like, this is the thing to get. I mean, I told somebody, I saw one of my openers from Cap City a long time ago. Might have opened for my special. I don't know. But he was waiting in town for it. I was like, I'm just hanging out. I'm going to do Rogue. He goes, congratulations.

I was like, oh. That's funny. It's not congratulations. I was on episode two. Yeah. I appreciate it. He was there back in 2009. You were on those ones that we used to do in the green room.

Remember when Joey Diaz would get mad at us? Shut the fucking laptop. Shut the fucking thing off. What are you doing, cocksucker? You're wasting your time. If we just knew then, all we had to do to calm Diaz down is just give him some Coke. We should have just brought Coke with us. Well, or edibles.

Yeah. Well, he was getting off the Coke then. Those days, the 2009 days where joey diaz coke days like people see old clips of him you go why is he so angry you don't understand what it's like when someone's on coke or quitting coke they're quitting anything they're maniacs and joey was just a beautiful soul trapped in the body of a person who's addicted to cocaine you know joey's one of the nicest fucking people i've ever met in my life he's so nice i visit him i love him i love him to death i love him and people you know they don't

i don't i don't i mean maybe some people don't but i think those people don't know no no he doesn't even get the back of that shit i don't think he got a little of it when that bit came out when a part set a set um yeah segment of the podcast where we were he was joking around about something they just don't understand his humor like he exaggerates everything's that everything's an exaggeration and not real it's like gonzo journalism they asked me to is like is that a real story sometimes with his stuff like is that real I'm like you're concentrating the wrong thing yeah you're fact-checking a novel like yeah dude right right just go enjoy it you're not gonna enjoy is you don't know that if you're on the wrong thing. Yeah, exactly. You're fact-checking a novel. Yeah. Dude. Right, right, right.

Just go enjoy it. You're not going to enjoy it. But the thing is, you don't know that if you're on the outside and you just see a clip. You go, oh, that guy's a piece of shit and I'm a piece of shit

for laughing at him because the joke was, I go- You could punch a tranny. It's like, come on, dude. He's never punched a transsexual. All that stuff. I know.

It was worse than that. Don't even, don't even. No, no, no. It was genius. His bit that he did about taking a Vicodin and a girl with one leg sucked his dick and he shot a nut in her eye and she got dizzy from the Vicodin.

Oh, I didn't know it was that one. That's a funny one. It's so ridiculous. That's a funny one. But he told that to Tom and Christina and you can see, like, Christina's like, she's got her, like, she's on your mom's house and Tom is howling and laughing. Tom looks like a cherry. He's so red from laughing and holding, laughing. Tom looks like a cherry. He's so red from laughing and holding his breath.

He looks like a cherry. Joey's just a classic human being. Yeah. I mean, I told the story a million times, but one of the reasons why I started taking three people on the road with me. You're going to piss again? Yeah. Yeah.

No, tell it because this is how I got into the fuck. Any help from you. I got from Joey Diaz's habits. Yeah. Joey Diaz was so crazy back then. Do you need a new jug? I don't want you pissing on my carpet.

They're fucking huge. They're 64 ounces. It's great. That's what I piss most times. You piss 64? Drink a lot of water. I'm very healthy. Look, Ari's dick again. Interesting. Listen, can you hear it? Spotify, does that offend you? Well, then listen to those rap lyrics, which I love, by the way.

I don't hate the rap lyrics. I love them. But if you're playing NWA, NWA, NWA and you're mad at me. Anyway, Joey was unreliable. Not always, but a certain percentage of the time. We did a lot of gigs together. But he wouldn't give you notice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll never forget the one time that I talked to him. We were supposed to be in New Jersey, and he said he was going to be there the first day, but something happened, and he got fucked up. He got lost, and something happened. I'll be there tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. And then the next day, I'm on the phone with him. He's in a monologue.

Five minutes before the show, he goes, I'm not going to lie to you, dog. I never left Vegas. You've been lying. You've been lying. You've been lying to me. He knew I loved him. He knew I loved him. So what I said was, okay, what I'm going to do is- This is crazy what you're about to say.

As a boss, this is crazy. I said, instead of having one opening act, I'll just have two opening acts. That way, if Joey doesn't show up, I always have an opening act. You'll have at least one. Well, I was like, I'm going to bring my friends because I've done the whole thing on the road before. In the business world, that would be like, hey, you're showing up drunk and I can't trust you. I'm not going to fire you. I'll hire another person.

So now I have two employees doing the same job. No, he's a genius. He's a genius. And he taught me about, he taught me some very important things about comedy just from hanging around with him. He taught me about he taught me some very important things about comedy just from hanging around with him He taught me about economy of words, and I knew about it as a concept, but I could see about it and just his Understanding of how to tell a joke and how to tell a story he didn't have any there was no fluff He knew you had a short attention span. He was he was doing law. He wasn't doing moth stories He was doing does not happen he was coming at you guns blazing and

And also he was so like some people say they don't give a fuck Joey Diaz is not body a Embodied it didn't didn't give any go with her not to you Either way it's okay When he would laugh like that See something crazy. Yeah He was just so happy and happy that he was loved.

There's a thing about Joey and me is that Joey knew unconditionally that I love him and he knew it didn't matter. No matter what crazy shit he did, I was never going to go, hey man, I can't fuck with you anymore.

There was never that possibility. So he could always be free. I always would try to tell tell i would try to help him he would yell at you to your face he was one of the few people who relied on you for money not relied on you but like you gave him money yeah you gave all of us money but like if you're like hey let's go downstairs in 10 minutes be down in 10 minutes and you took your time whatever it's not my favorite quality but you took your time and then 30 minutes later you weren't down there like oh sorry i had to do this and this he goes don't fucking leave me down there like an

asshole you say 20 10 minutes be there in 10 minutes and i'm like dude he's not gonna but you would you would never not you'd be like sorry that wasn't cool you're right he would get tense yeah he was uh he had always had a short fuse but when said that, it's like, I know people like him. He doesn't not love you. And he knew that I always loved him. That was part of our relationship. So when Joey was unreliable, I was like, there's a couple of gigs where I didn't have an opening act. And one of them was in Phoenix.

We hired that dude who was on Walking Dead, Josh McDermott. Josh McDermott, who wound up being that guy on Walking Dead it was the liar remember pretend to be a scientist brilliant brilliant funny comic too I don't know if he's still doing comedy anymore doubt it did he stop got a hit show right anyway that's why you started bringing me I got that role so I said okay I'm gonna start bringing two opening acts just which at the time I wasn't making that much money on the road i mean it brings an mc yeah you bring just the future and not everyone did that back then yeah you gave us a raise you were giving us 150 which i mean i should be making 50 a show to mc you were giving

me 150 like now you're a headliner which i've tried to do myself for people you really get like hey you're at 150 you're a headliner you should get've tried to do myself for people. You really get like, hey, you're getting $150,000, you're a headliner, you should get headline money. And then at some point, I was at Pink Dot when I got the call. You go, hey, no one ever asked for it. You just go, hey, I realize that wasn't fair, you're getting $250,000 now. So it's an extra fucking $500,000

a week for like, I was already getting paid well. Yeah, but when we were doing like Thursday through Sunday, it's nice you go home with a few grand. Dude, I wouldn't touch my was already getting paid well. Yeah, but when we were doing like Thursday through Sunday It's nice. You go home with a few grand dude. I wouldn't touch my wall the whole time Yeah, that's the girls first time comedy's like let me pay goes and I'm like, oh no Tom You can try you're not gonna be able to do it. Like if you go to Starbucks on your own you can pay That's about it. Well, it was great. I try to pass it down. It was great

It's a good quality and I think Tom passes it down Yeah, I think most most guys who we took on the road. They did pass that down They do treat their opening acts very well and they do they do also try to pump each other up like have funny people on their shows and That's one of the beautiful things about podcasts. We said this ad nauseum, but it's true We're not competitive with each other. We help each other and everybody like it's an organic network Everybody supports everybody. There's these guys who do uh Are you garbage? It's a podcast and it's just they just ask questions to find out if you're a garbage person or not

It's a great theme because it's like you tell us in up telling stories Like have you ever microwaved eggs shit like that where you won't you won't have told this story before you know It gets you thinking of new stuff stuff right and i'm like fun thing let me fucking i know my name carries some weight so like let me be on there and so did soda so did all these people now they're bigger now if i got to promote something i now have just self-serving it wasn't the reason for it but i'm like i now have a big platform right that i can go on right of course helping each other just helps ourselves it helps everybody and. And it helps everybody if you have good people on

because then people go, oh, I want to tune into Ari's show. He has some great guests. Right? So it helps them because they get promoted by your podcast

and it helps you because your podcast looks good. And that's my approach. My approach was always like have the coolest, funniest, best people on and promote them.

So did Seinfeld. So did Conan. This is a way of success through raising other people up. Yes. And it feels good, man, when other people do really well. It actually feels good. Because you're partially like, that's my thing. I made that.

No, you helped. Helped. So you get to take some of the, it wasn't just like it happened completely without me. It's like your help's like, hey, some of the work I put in there, if you're a grip on a movie that wins an Oscar, you're like, I helped with that.

It's nice. Okay, I guess that, yeah. But the most I thought of it is just, I just, look, I fucking love comedy, man. I've always loved comedy. Did I tell you what I saw when I was on Ayahuasca? Did I tell you about that? What'd you say? I went to the jungle.

Did it fun. It was weird and interesting. Heard about it. We were like, we're going to do it eventually, but let's wait until it's offered to us, I guess, or until it comes. Until the universe calls you. Sort of, but we should do it here. It's the Amazon. We keep going to the Amazon every month or so.

It was interesting. There was some shaman lady far outside one of the main towns in the Amazon about an hour and a half away had to cross like a bridge to get there

and met this like shaman. Her son was training to be a shaman. Just this like fucking headdress with a monkey skull on it and a jaguar skin drum that they would beat. Jaguar skin? Yeah. Who killed the jaguar the his uncle

the guy's training uncle so the shaman's brother um or brother-in-law so like you know have you done it no it's it's interesting have you done regular DMT once and I didn't get there. Oh Which is as I say it out loud, it's that's a moronic thing that I haven't done it more But it's not that people haven't given it to me. I just I don't know. I just always want to like set aside time It's stupid. I'm gonna do it scary. Yeah, it's scary. It's part of what it is. It's like you disappear People ask me about mushrooms because I promote mushrooms a lot shroom fest this year august 21st to 23rd it's an excuse to do mushrooms anytime august 21st to 23rd or it's a celebration celebration of mushrooms absolutely um people all over the world are doing it um but people like i'm scared i'm like i'm scared like what do you mean how many times you know i'm like 100 they're like aren't you scared every time time every time

Anyway, I've done DMT. I don't know somewhere less than ten times Yeah, more than seven less than ten some I don't I'm not sure but every time I do it I'm white-knuckled really fucking terrified terrified. Yeah terrified because you can't escape you can't escape truth It's taking you where you want so this guy they have this familiar who like really loves the like a vampire familiar like that that's what I call it that

so he's not that he's done ayahuasca at this at this in this community I'm not gonna say names but like he's done it there right

and he just wants to spread the idea of it so he finds people like hey come and we'll do whatever he's so he's told me some stories he goes

his son took it 19 years old oh let me actually say this one second they had a like hey come and we'll do whatever he's so he's told me some stories he goes his son took it 19 years old oh let me actually say this one second they had a uh sicario went and did it whoa hit man whoa seeing whatever he's seeing on ayahuasca and just he said punching the ground oh my screaming oh my god crying because all this all stress, this trauma to work out. Why? Why? The lives that he's taken has hit him for the first time.

And then when he's finished, he comes back. He goes, hey, so I'm done with that life. I'm not doing that anymore. They won't let me leave, so I have to disappear. I have to invent a new life now. But I can't go back to it. Fuck. Yeah.

Another one was a guy was dating a woman. The guy never wanted kids. The woman did. It was always a sticking point in their relationship. They loved each other. It was a sticking point. Every six months or so, it would pop up. You kind of know these arguments, right? They're never going to go away because it's their butting heads.

But then they're like, oh, we're having a great time. Put it back away. Then every six months, a year year it would pop up again. Ayahuasca, he realized on this, he goes, oh, we're just not right

for each other. He goes, 10 years later, he and that girl with her new husband and kids are good friends. They're fine.

He said his kid, this familiar, 19, took the ayahuasca, was just kind of like, mm, mm, he had no trauma to work out wow just had a good time it was interesting they take you down there they say don't eat for a day before uh we had a light dinner before rice and a banana and nothing the morning nothing like they take you to a waterfall that took the waterfall as a spirit of like cleansing these are quichua people so all waterfalls but there's one nearby and so you like feel

like the energy being taken away from you you know the bats they say it washed away the bad keeps the good and the bad washes away down the river and then just kind of relax all day till sunset till it's nightfall he He asked us ahead of time, what drugs have you taken? In like a broken Spanish. My partner was Spanish. I didn't. But broken. His Spanish wasn't that good.

What did he speak? Quechua. What does that sound like? It's different. I don't know. It's not based on any Spanish. They have like a slang which Spanish has come into it. But there's no written language in Quechua. It's not based on any Spanish. They have like a slang which Spanish has come into it,

but there's no written language in Quechua. So anything written down is like that's in the last 100 years. Wow. My name means yes in Spanish, in Quechua. Ari means yes. Every time they're like, what's your name? Brody. Ari.

Think of Brody. Ari? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I heard it. So they lead you from a hut that you're staying down. They stop. They go, stop, listen to the insects and the river.

He goes, that's going to be amplified soon. I go, okay. He comes and the woman, the shaman wears this headdress and she beats you with these leaves and says whatever chant she says and rubs a stone all over you. Gives you the ayahuasca. Tastes like fucking ass. Tastes like whatever's left in this ashtray. And you just drink it down. They say, your partner is on the other side of the fire.

You're on this side of the fire. You don't talk. He's having his trip. You're having your trip. That's it. You might throw up because the ayahuasca doesn't make a trip the ayahuasca takes everything out of you and then the chakruna was the oh it's a different drug yeah so ayahuasca clears you unless

a chakruna in this case do it they showed they showed me where the ayahuasca came from planted 80 years before they planted it so drank it i'm laying there on a mat just like a thin thin mat next to this fire in this like hut hut um i i'm a bit worried about like anacondas and jaguars and stuff but like um so she says the shaman says, I'm your mother here. The ayahuasca, the root is your grandmother. My son who's, who's training to be a shaman. He is your brother. And the fire is your ancestors. Um, so I drank it. He said, stare at the fire for about five minutes, then go lay down. My partner started throwing up 10 minutes in. Going to the edge.

There's two entrances to the thing. Throw it up. I just wasn't coming. It wasn't coming. A little bit of like a light cap and a stem mushroom feel for about, I don't know, an hour and a half or so. And then I started getting nauseous, but I'm trying to choke it down. Like, don't, don't. And then it hit me like, oh, I think I'm supposed to like, supposed to throw up.

So I kind of like pitch black. I mean, away from the fire, went to the edge. And then like, you know how you can like sort of like, and then barked like a little bit and then just unloaded. I was afraid it would be like retching and retching. It wasn't that. Just like unloaded. And then he's right there the shamans like trainee son with a bowl of water he goes Swish around don't drink it and he goes are you having visions?

dude, I don't know how he was I Don't know how he's communicating with me, to be honest, because I barely speak Spanish and he barely speaks Spanish. Enough. I guess. He was like, are you having visions? And I was like, yeah, they're more like kind of mental, like mental mushrooms, mental.

And he goes, okay, go back, be strong. I don't know how he was conveying this to me but he was like okay go be strong go lay down there and like you have to like be strong so then it just opened up and so more than an hour and a half in more than an hour and a half in of a seven hour trip wow Yeah, it took a while. The partner was going immediately. But, like, I see these, like, fractals and, like, geometric shapes and occasional, like, splashes of – and this is the thatch roof of the hut, right? So nothing's there. And an occasional, like, real splash of, like, vivid neon light.

And then I started seeing these like orbs kind of like going up into the fractals and then the more i look forward and back i'm on my back but more like forward backwards side to side there's just hundreds or thousands of these these orbs these small orbs going up into the fractals and just sort of like playing with each other these orbs they were kind of like had a life to them so like and then at some point from me comes this orb and sort of like goes up and then i started examining what the orbs are so look i don't know i don't know about any of this stuff but this is just what it gave me i don don't know, you know, same as mushrooms. I don't know if it's just scientific or if it's like another realm, whatever. The orbs were,

I call it when you pure something, when you pure it. To me, they were moments of pure artistic expression. You ever have a, like a set or a roll where you're like i hit every fucking move you get in the zone you in the zone sure you pured it you know uh in golf jamie you might know it was like when you fucking hit one and you're just like fucking like up but you're like i can't hit the green from here you do see it go perfectly and bounce and it's just a pure moment of artistic expression.

And generally when I see that, it makes me cry. When I listen to Nevermind, I start, I tear up. You know, you ever hear that album where you're like, oh, this is, they nailed it. They nailed it. They nailed it. Cigar de Familia in Barcelona, this church that was, it's being built still. It was a 200 year plan to build the perfect church. St. Peter's Basilica in Rome.

Okay. And you see it. Stunning. And I went in there and I started weeping. You start crying. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. It's just like, it's overwhelmingly perfect.

It's art. Yeah. Other moments, I was at the, it didn't have to be big moments. It could be small moments. I was at the Haunted ride at Disney back in LA and I was with some chick and I was like some guy was like right this way you know and like He's playing the role whatever and then like he left scope greet the next like car and as we were slowly moving forward And then I was like, okay, I was creepy right and then he was back on me just going

What did you say? It just like frightened me. And I'm like, that guy nailed it. In that moment, we were both fucking jumped. He fucking nailed it. He pured it. And what you want in those moments, you did it, right? You made this thing and that's the orb. And what you want is to make it for sure.

But what you also want is some recognition. You want someone to say, like if you hit that golf shot you look around like if you're playing by yourself and somebody the next he's like dude fucking nice one you're like yes thank you you saw it you saw it right and so there's been two things i've gotten that way two things that i've had that i'm like i i pured it um one was that storytelling show this is not happening i i just think it was like i i mean i don't i don't want to talk about myself but like it was cool and it was a way for for other comics to show themselves no you did i can express it for you you did an amazing thing and those opening sequences where you'd have like these animated fight scenes and shit,

they were awesome. They were cool. It just made it cool and fun to watch. And let people go, hey, we're not going to censor you. We want you to do your thing. Your fucking strip club in the woods story is like these moments that I'm also allowing other people to like. So I figured out my orbs, what I do is make stuff myself and then also give a chance for other people to make theirs.

It's one of my things I like making. You have the same thing, where you like having other people make their things. It's one of your art forms is allowing other people to make their art. Another one was this last hour I did, the Jew hour. It was good. It was really fucking, it was good.

And so it would have bothered me at the time. I wasn't able to like make it as special, but I was able to in that moment to go, but I made it, it was good. You know, I made a really fucking really mindful kind of perfect thing. And yeah,

maybe whatever happened, like I wasn't able to make like millions of people saw it, but like thousands people saw it maybe 150 000 people saw it live you know but like i made it and i cried hard for that for this not happening not so much that like for the loss but for like for like when i was able to purity i was able to step back and go like, it's done now. I made it. And it, it hit me like,

oh damn dude, that was fucking good. And I just kind of said goodbye to it. And that orb went up and, and played for eternity. Every time you do something like artistically pure like that and nail it, you pure it. Those things are up there in the heavens,

in the whatever. They're playing with each other. All the forms, that guy at Disney, the guy who made the Basilica, the fucking Kurt Cobain, never mind. Not Kurt Cobain, never mind, is up there playing with each other,

enjoying each other's company forever. And I saw myself in 50 years dead and the orbs are still playing and I'm decaying and the orbs are still playing. They'll be there forever. And I was able to sort of like put that behind me and say, I'll move on to my next thing. Cause what I want to do is I want to make things, say I'll move on to my next thing. Cause what I want to do is want to make things right. I want to make another orb. And that's kind of all I want to do now is just make another thing. And I won't always get there,

but even if you fail, even if you're like, ah, that set was so, so, you know, it's getting you closer to a fucking perfect set. And sometimes it's just a 15 minute set at the fucking whatever club,

you know, uh, governors or some shit where it's like, oh, I fucking nailed that. Sometimes it's governor's or some shit where it's like, oh, I fucking nailed it. Sometimes it's a 10 minute pop in, you're like, that earthquake thing that I saw at the HaHa, that was one.

Because there was some kid, some young one year comic watching that going like, oh my God, he fucking pured it in that moment. Yeah. But you want someone to fucking notice it once in a while. You just, you do. Cried, let that shit go. And then kind of came back a little bit.

That was probably a two hour period. And I was like, oh fuck, I'm back a little in this wave, you know, still tripping. And I was like, oh, okay, what do I, the fire's there. I remember she, the shaman, she was like, well, that's their ancestors. So I was like like let me see if I can talk to the dead so I was like my grandma I'll talk to her so I went and I stared at the

fire as a like a log like a you know chopped up log seat you? I sat in it and stared. I couldn't get her, my grandma. I tried and tried, but I couldn't get her. And then I was like my softa from fucking, my dad's mom from Israel, from Pertikva, who ran the family. She'll have wisdom. And I was like, stared at that fire, and I just, I couldn't get her.

Both my grandfathers, I wasn't even close to getting them. And then I was like, huh, maybe there's a bust. But, but then I go, let me try Mitzi. Wow.

Yeah. And, and, I mean, I got her. And I talked to her. Whoa. So I didn't know what to ask her at first. So I was like, I mean, she was there.

I wasn't seeing her. I was just in my brain talking to her. And she's like, what? And I'm like, you know her, right? And so I'm like, what do I ask her? Right, so I was like, first I thought like, what's the meaning of life? Or do you have any life advice?

And I'm like, fucking idiot. So broad, you know? Right. And then I was like, maybe I'll ask, like, what do you think of me, what I became? But I was like maybe I'll ask like what do you think what do you think of me what I became but I was like that's selfish

it's dumb and selfish and so then I was like so I was like Mitzi what you made the comedy store like it was a place for me

Renesisi Duncan and we were like lost soul simone calls it the island of misfit toys so she called it that's what she called it yeah okay and i was like this thing you made it hit me like that was her orb and she cured it. I mean, people in Kansas know about that place. Yeah. It wasn't just a great place to go watch a show. It wasn't just that it was a good place for comics to show up and find each other.

It was also she was making her own orbs. The store was her orb and we were the result of it. Yeah. So my career was one of her orbs. That's why she always said, when comics came in already developed, she goes, I'll use them, but what am I going to do with them? She goes, why don't you work a really good comic? She goes, I didn't make them.

And I realized what I wanted, and I realized then what she wanted. And I was like, hey, Mitzi, I see what you made. And I saw it. wanted and I realized then what she wanted. And I was like, hey, Mitzi, I see what you made. And I saw it. I saw your shot. And you nailed it. Like you nailed it. And yeah, she said she appreciated it, you know know and then it hit me like all the time she was um, I

Had a showcase one. I mean I showcased a lot there and she was no no no And there was once where I mean I crushed it was a crushing showcase number 26 or something like that. I Went to go drive her home And she I was like Freddy was Freddie was there. I was like, Ari fucking crushed tonight. Huh? And she goes, you're almost ready. It drove me crazy at the time. But in that right then I didn't understand. I didn't understand until then what she meant by you're not ready yet. You're almost ready. What she meant was this business in a lot of ways sucks and the shit they're gonna throw at you will is debilitating to have like to be blackmailed into leaving your

own show by people you know to have people turn against you publicly, you know? And it's just like, you wouldn't be able to deal with it except for her toughening you up. The drill sergeant metaphor. You know, you can't just go to war. You need somebody beating you down first.

And she beat me down. And like, when she's saying you're almost ready, she means like if I send you out into the world now, you will bury yourself under this. You will not survive this, this business. You will not be able to go out and make new things. You'll quit. For sure you'll quit. And I don't think she was wrong. And it hit me, and my mouth was just agape,

like realizing what she had done to me and for me. And I was just staring at the phone and just out loud, just go, you fucking bitch. Like, are you – oh, my God. And, I mean, I was just like – I mean, thank you for helping me survive this. I'm 20 years in now and I wouldn't have made it past any, like, you're not good enough for Montreal. You're not. It would have all crushed me too hard.

But she crushed me so hard that none of this doesn't seem like a lot to be like, you're not a paid regular. Who cares? Based on what we have now. But it meant the level of what it meant was as big as it, as anything was. And so then it hit me like one of my types of art is not just my things on this is not happening. I had some good stories. None of those were orbs for me. I had good stories. None of those were perfect expressions. The show itself was. And one of the ways

was it got to elevate these other people and allow them to make orbs. Sean Patton doing his human story on This Is Not Happening, or Ali Sadiq messing around on boots, which is my favorite one of all time. Miss Pat, Kate Willett, Burt, Stigora Yu with that

strip club story. It's like these were like really – somebody just told me the other day. It was like I saw that Rogan strip club story. It was crazy. I'm like, yes. So that feeling of like I help with that. I take a credit for that. I don't mind taking not all the credit, but like I wanted to make this thing to allow people to come up. So then I'm like, should I be difficult on people the way Mitzi was?

Should I be mean? But then it's like, she was like, no. She goes, oh, that's my, she was like, that's my way. It's not your way. Dude, this was wild. I was, it was a full conversation. And so she's like, that's my way to get them going. You have your own way to get them going.

The way Ozzy says the Beatles were one of his biggest influences. I'm like, your music is nothing alike. Right. The different ways of getting to the same thing. Well, you like Earthquake. Your comedy's not like his. So then it's like, continue that make orbs anybody that got in your way before it's okay whatever cut them out getting revenge is not going to help you in any way

getting back to them is not going to help you in any way it's just a freeing thing i i felt like i got to work it out with her this woman who like more than a lot of people were like i was so tied in with her she was like a mother slash grandmother we all were yeah it's the most important figure in this the history of comedy that's not a comedian yeah gave us the ability to be free not don't do it my way do it your way if you suck i'm gonna tell you to your face but she she did have moments like yellow suit but she had some crazy shit and when she's saying that yeah all she's really saying is i don't fucking know how about? Figure it out is my point. Right, right, right.

And some of what she did by passing awful people while I was being driven, him? He gets to do spots? She passed people that had no talent. None. None. It was wild. Yeah. So you know what that did?

What? That made me work harder. What was she thinking with them, though? I think what she was thinking is maybe there's a spark there that might come. You know, you've seen when I started opening for you, I wasn't that good. You saw something in me. I got laughs, but I wasn't like a developed. It was easy.

No, you're selling yourself short. It was like you watching that. No, no, no. There was something there. Yeah, maybe if I was watching that if it wasn't me. But you were a smart guy who had good points and you loved comedy. And I needed to develop a little more. Yeah.

So you saw that spark and you're like, let me help this flourish. Let me give it water and sun. Yeah. My approach is very different than Mitzi's. Yeah, but it was also quite similar where he was like, figure it out. I'm not going to tell you anything of what to do. Don't be not dirty. Do be dirty.

Don't be dirty. I don't care. Right. Crush. I told you this a bunch of times. I did 45 minutes at the Denver Comedy Works one time. Didn't realize until Red Van was like, hey, look at the tape, dude. And I apologized.

Didn't matter. I crushed after you. I'm like, no, no, but that was way too much. He goes, listen to me. It didn't matter. You after you I'm like no no but that was way too much it goes listen to me it didn't matter you crushed I crushed there's no apology here that was great I didn't do it anymore but like the point was like figure it out man I'm here to support you so that kind of shit remember when I would get you so high you didn't know what you were saying god damn that was that was not in my best interest that was you being the devil

that was you being the devil one of my favorite things to do was to take you in a deep water yeah you told me in boston you were like i said something about how gross the boston girls are like jewish girls are ugly but boston girls like like clear so i forget what the joke was you're like say that say that and i said it and they like, they were all so mad. And you were laughing. You're my audience of one. And they were the audience of 400. But Hey, listen, I thought it was funny. You thought it was funny. So we did it. No matter what you can't get fired. I can't get fired. So you freed me. She freed us. So when she passed, I'm not going to say any names, but you can picture seven people, 10 people in your head. It drove us way harder to work harder.

I said thank you. I worked it out with her. Led her back to the world that she's in. What do you think that is? Do you think you were really talking to her spirit? Or do you think you were talking to the love that you had for her? I am aware of what it would sound like to say this. But the next day when I was going over it

and I was explaining it, my partner and I were talking about our different experiences, vastly different. I know what it sounds like, but I talked to her, man. I talked to her. And she appreciated the fucking attaboy. She appreciated somebody seeing that what she did was good.

And I told Peter, I ran into Peter recently, randomly at the Apple store in fucking New York. Peter Shore? Yeah. Randomly? Haven't seen him in 15 years. Wow. So I told the story to two other people,

Simone and Renazizi. That was it. And then Peter and now you. And my partner. But like, I told him that and he goes, that's interesting. Because she always kind of felt like when people referenced her, they didn't

give her credit for the help. They would say so and so here or there on the letter and he'd be like, oh, Mitzi, remember her? How's she doing? But she didn't feel like she ever got the thank you for giving up your life to do this for us. We know you didn't have a normal life. And you helped us be this thing. Yeah, man, I talked to her. She was there and I talked to her.

For sure. So I eventually was like, I'm ready to go went to my hut um six in the morning goes go take a cold shower and then don't eat pork for or have sex for eight days fuck that i talked to her man she appreciated it I'm sure you did. I mean, whether you did or you didn't, you still did. You know, I made it a point to my 2018 special, Strange Times. And it was like, I felt like at that point, like after It was like the first time I felt like like I'm a legit World-class comic like I'm real now. Yeah, everybody knows she was a comic and you know

It was right after she had died and I there's no way I wasn't gonna thank her So you put it on there? Yeah, it's in loving memory of Pitsy Shore. And in that studio in L.A., Taylor Bost made me a picture of her painting. And it's always in that studio. It's still there. I've got to go back and get it. I'm going back next month just to get a bunch of shit out of there.

And that's one of the things I'm getting out of here. And I'll put it up in here somewhere. When you got there, you weren't – you were a headliner. I wasn't a beginner. You weren't a beginner, but you definitely weren't here. No, no, no, no, no, no. She helped me tremendously. Dude, I always knew I was going there.

That's what's crazy. I swear to God, from the first time I ever got on stage, when I decided I was going to be a comic, it was like after the first time I ever got on stage. I had thought about doing it. I had to try it. Let's see what it's like. And after I did it the first time, I was like, this is what I do.

I'm a comedian now. And I remember thinking, I've got to get to the comedy store. It was like. It was Mecca. It was Mecca. It was a religious call. I mean, if there was anything like that in my life, that was it. When I came out to Hollywood, I didn't give a fuck about that TV show.

It was on that stupid baseball show. I didn't give a fuck about that. All I was thinking is, like, I got to get to the comedy store. And the comedy store was terrible. It was terrible. It was terrible. There was a bunch of Bodaks. And there was all these people that she passed that were like i'm telling you talentless and this is not a knock on them and i would never name any names but these people just weren't they would bomb and they would bomb with like impossible comedy was she not there every day

anymore at that point she was there occasionally yeah she wasn't there every day she was losing her grip on everything yeah she had she had problems but she could still tell you what you were doing wrong and doing right yeah and uh she passed me as a non-paid regular after my first audition she let me go up at the end of the show and i was there every night i didn't have any friends i didn't know anybody much of that altered the course of your comedic career? It's huge. Everything. Everything. Who knows what kind of bullshit act I would have had if I didn't run into Mitzi, if I didn't get passed at the store. But the moment I passed, one of the reasons why she passed me is a trick that we all used to do.

I learned from the Todd, the Todd who was on Pauly Shore's show on MTV. His name was The Todd. And he would sit in the back of the room when someone was, and he did it for me. And he goes, you're going to do this for somebody else someday.

And he would sat next to Mitzi while Mitzi watched me and he would laugh hard. And he laughed really hard. I went up there and I did my set and he laughed really hard. And then Mitzi grabbed my and he would laugh hard. He'd laugh really hard. I went up there and I did my set and he laughed really hard. And then Mitzi grabbed my arm and she goes,

you're really funny. Wow. She's like, call in for spots. And that's a woman who saw Pryor and Kinison and like. She goes, call in for spots. You're a paid regular. Wow. That was more important to me than any TV show.

Like the TV show was just a lot of money. It was like, ooh, I got all this money. You don't have to think about things. But who cares about it? But that was how I thought about it. The TV show was like, ooh, I'm going to get all this money. Like, ooh, I can buy an apartment. I can fucking buy food i can get a nice car you weren't thinking about the show you think about the money yeah right i mean

it was cool to be on the tv show i'm not gonna lie about that but it wasn't like the thing like i couldn't sleep that night really holy shit yeah i was like i'm a paid regular like i'm a real comedian i'm a real comedian real comedian i'm at the store I'm a real comedian at the Comedy Store even though the Comedy Store is filled with it was just like every now and then Damon Wayans would show up or Martin Lawrence would show every now and Dom Herrera or dice they would come in and kill and you would see real comedy but then you'd see a lot of dog shit but it didn't matter I was getting up and it was better that way because it was like better like it was like if I came there in like 2016 when I had come back for two years and it was packed every night.

Yeah, we disagree on this. You say it's an amazing time, that last time. It was amazing for me. Yeah, but my favorite was 2000 to 2010. When no one was there. When no one was there. You really develop and crush and be like, this will do nothing for me except make you a bit stronger every time. It made you stronger,

and there was a lot of hostility back then, though, especially like the early 2000s. There was so much bitterness. There were so many comedians that didn't like other comedians. There was a lot of people that were just so angry that other people were making it.

They were so angry that other people got television shows, and it was still the remnants of the 90s where everybody was just trying to get on a sitcom and when somebody else got on a sitcom, the other comics, especially the mediocre ones, they took it like you took something from them. They weren't even up for it.

It was crazy. It was like your success somehow or another diminished them. It was really weird. We saw that from underneath it as a door guy. We saw that like, what's going on up there? Yeah. Well, you also saw that those people were shitty to door guys.

Those people that had those attitudes, they were- A lot of them. Yeah, they weren't kind. They weren't a brotherhood or a sisterhood. They were looking at everybody like- Competition. Yeah, well, they weren't getting what they deserve. They had this thought that they weren't getting the recognition that they deserved. And that's why

when established people would come there and Mincy would go, get rid of her. Get rid of them. They would be so hurt. She was brutal. You'd have someone who was on a sitcom who was doing really well, and they would go up there and do five solid minutes of stand-up. Where I would say, hey,

she's pretty good. That's good comedy. Get rid of her. I've heard it all before. Get rid of her. She'd be like, what? Yeah, fuck off. And then someone would go on after that person who she had passed who was dog shit.

And she didn't care. She'd leave the room. And they'd be like, well, that. What is this? What the fuck is this? She didn't care. She was just crazy. But after things had gone really

well for me and after i was doing really well i remember her and i had a conversation we're sitting in the back of the room you know again she wasn't doing so well she was kind of shaking a lot yeah and she put her hand on my arm and she was talking to me and i was just thanking her for everything. And, you know, I just told her that I wouldn't, I would have never been the comic that I am without you. And you just knew what to do. You knew what to tell me.

You were always right. Your criticisms were always valid. And when you're telling me tell me, you were always right, your criticisms were always valid. When you're telling me, and you always gave me hard spots, you always gave me hard spots. I was always going after Martin Lawrence when it sold out main room. Can you just give me these better spots, but it's like, now you know.

No, I didn't deserve those spots. I deserved the spots I got, it was perfect. You know, I wanted a good spot, I wanted to go on before them where I didn't have to deal with the pressure, but it made me better. And then she looked at me and she goes, I always know where to put you. She had like a big smile.

It's like, I always know where to put you. She thought it was fun. Fun to watch me suffer. It was fun, but she knew that was what you needed. You needed to go on after heavy artillery, big guns. And in 1994, there was no bigger gun than Martin Lawrence, man. Jesus Christ. Oh, that was his height.

That was like the you so crazy days. It was a leather outfit. Oh, my God, dude. He would murder. Like, people forgot. You need to follow that. Like, historically underappreciated. Martin Lawrence, one of the most historically underappreciated guys ever.

Because, you know, he had a little bit of a time where he lost himself a little bit. Yeah. Remember he got arrested wearing a wetsuit with a gun. Dehydration. Yeah, dehydration. As the publicist said. Yeah. But before that, man, I'll tell you, those 90s, man.

And you followed him. Every fucking time. Anytime anybody was good. Dice play. Did you figure out how to do it eventually? Yeah, those 90s, man. And you followed them all the time. Every fucking time. Anytime anybody was good. Dice play. Did you figure out how to do it eventually? Yeah, kind of. I mean, I just had to get better. I had to get better.

I had to get tighter. I had to come out of the gate better. I had to make fun of myself. I had to figure out a way to make fun of the fact that everybody was leaving. You know, I had to make fun of them. Because I would go on stage and three quarters of the main room would just get up and leave. And yeah, in the first two minutes, you're like, wow, they're talking on the way out. Where's our car?

They saw Martin, the show was done. And you know, Martin was doing a long set too. It wasn't a short set. He was killing. That had to prepare you for following Diaz later.

And then ideally, like that's almost your comfort zone. I tell people like, you're definitely a product of Boston comedy, you know, of like the murder, that shit, you know, all the murderers. Yeah know all the murderers yeah and that like fuck you're fucked you know it's like but like this had to prepare you for it's almost like your safe space as a follower killer

it made me understand that that was important to do and that that's how you got better because the whole thing was always getting better it's not just a show that night like do a good show that night if i did a good show that night that I want someone who's like mediocre so I could come in back clean up and make everybody look like like I'm the hero which we know a lot of comics do there's a lot of comics that bring like really mediocre acts because not because they want to help them because they don't want anybody to shine they want to be the only guy that stands out on the show but I took Diaz on the road he wants to rascals and Diaz was loose as a goose and murdered

I mean he fucking murdered and I remember had a really tough time following him and I remember this is like 96 97 something like that and I remember Thinking to myself. This is good. I need to take him with me everywhere That's what I remember thinking like this motherfucker so good He's so fun when he when he gets loose That was like when Diaz was just finding himself because Diaz for a while There's like a year or two where Diaz was not he's trying to be something He wasn't he was trying to get recognized by agents. He wanted to be in the movie

He wanted to be in a sitcom. He thought it was that's how it's gonna happen and then somewhere along the line He just sort of accepted the fact that he likes to do drugs he likes to get crazy he was living with himself he was living with a stripper it was it was madness he was a crazy person and he realized like fuck it this is who i am and he went on stage and talked to us talked to the people on stage the way he talked to us in the parking lot he was the most like himself on stage paulie was second most to be honest it was weird but like no change yeah yeah well you know he grew up there he figured out how to be as was that he yeah he figured out how to do that but it was so hard to follow that because you know funny though he was like all right fuck these

movies and shit i'll do it and now he's doing the sopranos movie by doing his he went the other way and got to the same point yeah he went the other way It's like he became mainstream by going totally underground. Yeah. But also because other people elevated his signal. You know, like Joey became popular because of the love of his peers. Like that's a big part of how Joey... Joey didn't become popular from a television show. He didn't become popular from a movie.

He became popular from us. Everybody talking about him. Yeah, all of us. Tom, you, Bert, me, Duncan, everybody just talking about crazy moments that they had with Joey. Yeah. Yeah.

We got real lucky, Ari Shaffir. We did get very lucky. We got very lucky. That I found that place, I don't know if it's fate or I didn't know about it when I found it. I was looking for the laugh factory Legitimately I passed by there. I'm like, oh, I'll apply there to Duncan hired me Don't get trained But like that's hilarious Duncan and I became friends when he was the guy who would answer the phone to give you the dates

Yeah, I would call him up and I'm say hey man I'm in town Tuesday through Friday and like hey, dude I was reading this thing and we'd have these crazy conversations for like fucking hours hold on man someone's calling hold on and he would go on hold and like I'd just be you know I was a single guy living at home with my feet up on my desk talking to Duncan on the phone and I had a headset back then with a cord you plug a cord into the bottom of the headset I had this like I was a secretary so that's one of the things she did is make it so you could find each other yeah she made it so that we could find each other. And my thing was always from martial arts,

you need a team. You need training partners. You need people that are really good around you to inspire you. And you need the people that are learning. You need to help them because they're going to get better and that'll make you better.

So my thought was that with everybody, like door guys and parking lot attendants. Everybody was just us It was all the same the store specifically has a lineage of door guys to Kinison mm-hmm. He was a door guy. I believe he was a door guy. Yeah, he runs easy or door guys Yeah, you know like and then it's like oh, so they're like Duncan. Yeah, it's what's like. Oh, these are all the same So you see a door guy you're like that's just me earlier it's not like what are you a waiter it's not it's not that it's like some comics didn't have that feeling with those people and it drove me nuts man i i i used to get really upset when i see comics like being dismissive of of door guys or not giving them a pound or not shaking hands not saying what's up

what's up guys what's up how you? What's up? How you guys doing? You know, you gotta, it's all love in that place. And it's like, yeah, you're just a lesser developed comic. Exactly. We're all the same thing. Well, you've been doing comedy a year. You've been doing comedy. That would always drive me crazy too.

Someone would say that's not a comic. You're a comic when you get paid. You're a comic when you're on TV. You're a comic when you do this. You're a comic when you do that. No, no, no. No, you're a comic. You're bleeding.

You're already bleeding. Right. Of course you're a comic. You're a comic. If you are a white belt, you're a comic when you do that. No, no, no, no, you're a comic. You're bleeding, you're already bleeding. Of course you're a comic. You're a comic. If you are a white belt, you're a martial artist. If you're, yeah, if you're. 10 planet white belt. If you're trying to do comedy, you're a comic. Doesn't mean you're great.

You're a comic though. And that's how I've always looked at it. I've always looked at it like we're all on this fucking wacky ride together. And that lady was the captain of the ship. That's how I've always looked at it. I've always looked at it like we're on this fucking wacky ride together. Yeah. And that lady was the captain of the ship. She made the whole thing different. She changed what a comedy club was.

There was no other comedy club like that. Every other comedy club, you were working there. There was an opener, a middle, and a headliner. You did your time. You didn't go over. You got your money. And you said thank you, and you got out of there. And they didn't give you any advice. If they did it was terrible and you she never got rid of drugs she embraced it as part of the world she did drugs she did drugs i told her staff meeting once she goes she was

talking about how we all get paid in checks now she goes you know i used to be like in the old days i would give them their 25 dollars and that coke dealers were there and they'd fucking, I've just been so long, I'm losing the impression. Immediately, I'd spend their money on Coke. She goes, now they just go home and watch TV. Like mad, they're not all doing below. Yeah, well, she loved that it was wild. It was wild. She was a wild woman.

She loved the fact that she created a wild place. you see kinnison swinging on on on letterman when he's like that's my time just and let him bring him up it's like this guy's Just just watch him. I don't even you guys watch him and he finishes. I'm like that's it from swings a thing Yeah, and it's like it's a comedy store. What's Letterman compared to the fucking store? He already had his fucking balls. Yeah. Anyway, I told her. That's awesome.

Let's wrap this bitch up. Can I promote one thing before I leave? Promote the fuck out of it. Okay, everybody. Oh, you wrote it down. Yes. All professional. There are.

I'm not here to promote my podcast. Archie Verstappen's thing. Please watch that. How about say that in a way where people can understand a fucking word you just said. I have a podcast called Ari Shaffir's

Skeptic Tank Podcast. What is it again? Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank. It is available on Google Play, Apple Podcasts, even the Spotify application.

Okay. And on YouTube now. Not here to promote that. There are three comedians in New York that are massively underappreciated. Their names are Adrian Appaloochee, Mike Vecchione, and Sean Patton. For whatever reason,

they have slipped through the cracks. And they don't make the money they should, and they're not booked as much as they should. But I am telling you, as someone who cares about stand-up comedy, that they are great. Adrienne opened for me on my whole last tour. She's now on the road this weekend with fucking Louis C.K.

She had the number one joke of 2019, a Parkland joke, the day after. They cut it from Netflix because whatever. But if you want to see it, I put her album up on my YouTube page. Baby Skeletons is her album.

She's great. Sean Patton, you might know from This Is Not Happening stories, the Cuman story, the fake gay pashing. Adrienne's awesome. And Mike Vecchione, who's one of the best joke writers in New York. He is someone who makes us all

better joke writers by watching him. He consistently crushes, doesn't have the networking skills to get ahead. So if I just tell you, I thought this out, dude. If I just tell you they're great, you might look them up. Here's what I'm asking you to do. The listeners and the watchers of Joe Rogan podcast. I want you to call your comedy clubs, your local comedy clubs. I don't want you to tell them because they're not going to book them just based on a recommendation.

I want you to tell them, I will give you my email address and you can use it only if Adrian Appaloochee, Sean Patton, or Mike Vecchione are playing in your city. I will give you my email address, which is what they want more than anything.

Everybody call your local comedy club. Tell them the city you live in. Say, I live in this city. I will give you my email address for this reason. Comedy club owners, you can launch them, give them their bonuses.

Even if they get close, get loyal with these people because they should be stars and you can help make them stars. You can also help them get to the point where if an Adrian's sake, she's not thinking of quitting comedy because she can't make her fucking rent. You can help them. Comedy club fans, I have never lied to you about someone who has talent. Call your local club, tell them where I live and I will give you my address based on this alone. That's what I'm doing here. That's what I'm going to promote.

Go do it now. You can make a clip. I don't know how many clips you're allowed. Please make one from this. Go help these people. They are great, great comics. Adrian Appaloochee, Sean Patton, Mike Vecchione. Okay.

Sorry. It's all right. I think that was okay. Okay. All right. I agree. Those people are all very funny. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks, everybody. okay okay all right i agree those people are all very funny goodbye everybody thanks everybody