The Joe Rogan Experience - #1695 - Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

Andrew Schulz is a standup comedian, actor, and co-host of the "Brilliant Idiots" and "Flagrant 2" podcasts.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. And hello, Andrew. Hello, Joe. Welcome to Texas. Oh, thank you so much. It was good running into you last night. It was funny.

It was so much fun. Last night was great. It was, right? I choked you out, dude. How about that spot? That golden tiger spot? Can we talk about me choking you out? Can we talk about my- You tried a couple of times. It was interesting much fun. Last night was great. It was, right? I choked you out, dude. How about that spot? The golden tiger spot? Can we talk about me choking you out? Can we talk about my-

You tried a couple of times. It was interesting. Yeah. You got a hold of my neck. But did you think I had power? Do you think I had real choke power? You could develop it. I think you developed some real choke power.

I got a shot immediately, dude. We're 30 seconds in. I just got trashed immediately. You've got a good build for jiu-jitsu. You're a tall guy. You've got long limbs. Okay. That a good build for jiu-jitsu. You're a tall guy. You've got long limbs. Okay. That's really good for jiu-jitsu.

If you see some of the greatest of all time, like Hadja Gracie, who's got these really long arms. Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that. Okay, okay, okay. Probably on a stima, same build, long limbs. I'll be honest. I thought it would be easier because I've never tried to choke somebody. Yeah.

So then when you let me do it, I'm like, all right, I got this easy. And then I was going to take it easy on you. I wasn't going to really get you out of there. And I was shocked how I couldn't get under your chin. Yeah. Yeah. That shocked me. Why is that shocking?

I figure your chin is here. I just get the arm under. And then once I'm under the chin, it's over. That's how it looks like in all the fights. You should try it at Gordon. I would definitely take out gordon gordon was there shouts at gordon shouts gordon and i was nice to him but i was gonna choke the shit out of him i told him that i did tell him that you told him today too i told him today and i said and i pulled him aside and i was like listen i understand your girl's here and out of respect for her i'm not gonna choke the shit out of you but he was getting his blood test and i almost

choked the shit out of him i told told him. I didn't say it. I think if I sneak up on him and I kind of just jump on him, then I think I might have a chance. You should try jiu-jitsu. I think you would like it. Let's do it. I'm down, man. You enjoy it. I'm down because everything else is falling apart.

There's a lot of places in New York City. Yeah, there's the one that you guys were talking about. But that place, they get a lot of fucking staph infections there. I keep hearing about people catching staph because it's in the basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that place, they get a lot of fucking staff infections there. I keep hearing about people catching staff. Yeah. Because in the basement? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No sunlight?

No sunlight, yeah. You want a place that gets some sunlight. So where should I go? Well, it's a great place for training, though. Yeah. As far as learning, it's one of the best places ever. Yeah. Yeah, I'm down to try it.

I keep talking to guys about it, and they say, I think it was Ronnie Chang said it. You know Ronnie Chang, comedian? Yeah, he's hilarious. He's fucking brilliant. Love that dude. And he's like, it's cool because it's one of these things where like you can give maximum effort. Yes.

You know, like there's in boxing, you can't go a hundred percent. You're going to hurt somebody or somebody's going to hurt you. Right. But like it gets to the point where you tap out and then you get this great workout, but you're given everything you got. You know, what's good about that too. If you're ever in a real altercation you're used to people resisting

100%. Because if you're like a karate guy and you're used to point touching each other Did you see that karate thing in the Olympics? It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. How do you feel proud? How do you feel proud? You get knocked out

in the gold medal matchup and you win the gold and the other guy's disqualified? He loses. How do you feel proud? You get knocked out in the gold medal matchup, and you win the gold, and the other guy's disqualified? He's disqualified for hitting you too hard. And here's the thing that was fucked up. It's not like he was standing there. He kind of leaned in to the kick. Like he bent over, and the dude caught him. So it's kind of on you a little bit too. Yeah.

Let's watch it. Let's watch it because it's so dumb. And a friend of mine sent that to me. Look at this. Here it is. Look at this. He bends over. Yeah. And to be honest it's a counter. The guy throws a straight left. He counters with the kick. Catches him.

And then he's just fake sleeping. Get out of here dude. He's sleeping. Oh he thought he won too. Poor guy. Yeah. Well, he should have won in a real world scenario and any other rational sport that's a combat sport, he won.

That's the problem with Olympic combat sports is they try to take the violence out of it. But what doesn't make any sense is you could win by knockout in Taekwondo. Oh, I didn't know that- And it's in the same thing. Ah. It's in the Olympics too. Why do you have- Why this specifically? What is the difference? Why do you have karate and Taekwondo? Oh, I didn't know that. It's in the same thing. Ah. It's in the Olympics, too. Like, why?

Why this specifically? What is the difference? Why do you have karate and taekwondo? Yeah. The only difference is you're allowed to punch in the face in this. Is it point karate? Is that what it is? I heard it was kumite. I don't know.

I don't know, though. Kumite is the Japanese word for sparring. Okay, so, yeah, that doesn't make sense. I just heard someone saying it while I was watching. I think that's the word for sparring. I think that's what it make sense. I just heard someone saying it while I was watching. I think that's the word for sparring. I think that's what it means. I mean, they got all the different types of swimming, so I guess you're going to have all the different types of martial arts, you know?

You got to do things to stack the medals, right? Like if you're good at some shit, like America, we're good at running, so we're just going to, okay, 400. 75-kilogram Kumite final. Yeah. So dumb. Yeah. Ridiculous.

Oh, so they have individual demonstrations like kata, and then they have one-on-one kumite. That's the most ridiculous one. I'm not trying to shit on this guy. He'd probably kick my ass. But the guy won a gold medal for dancing. Getting KO'd. Oh, yeah, for the kata. For the kata.

Yeah. But it was just choreography. Well, you can win for gymnastics. Yeah, but gymnastics isn't a fight Like I see martial arts as you know, this is fighting, right? Like in order to be good at it You have to be able to do that shit on someone the the kata thing is like you would have to learn those to get Your belts like you'd have a car for one specific one

He had for blue belt a specific one you had for green belts And I remember when I did taekwondo as a kid, we had that. Yeah. You had to learn all that. Yeah, I hated those. What, the taekwondo? This stuff. Yeah.

The forms. Poomsae. America won the gold. Here it is. This guy won. He won the first ever karate medal in men's kata. The first ever for America or the first ever time they handed it out? America's first ever.

Oh, my God, this is so ridiculous. Look at his face. The intensity. He's so serious. Yeah. The thing is, like, it's not a bad thing to practice movement. Like, it's almost like kind of like a form of yoga in a way. Like, you're practicing moving your body, and if you get really good at doing those katas,

it'll probably enhance your ability to move, which will enhance your ability to spar. But you're not giving anybody a medal for shadow boxing. Good fucking point. That'd be ridiculous. Good fucking point. And imagine you were walking around. I'm a boxing gold medalist. A gold medal for shadow boxing.

Or hitting the cobra bag. A bag where gold... A bag where gold medal would be better than this. Because we could at least see something land. Air kicks. This poor guy just got back to America with his gold

medal and we're just trashing him. They were going against each other, though. How do you do that? They judge it. They judge the karate. Come on, come on, come on. The kata, rather. Yeah, we used to have those in tournaments.

In Taekwondo tournaments, they would have the kata version or the, I forget what they called it. I think it's called poomsae. They call it in Korean. And then they would have the sparring part. You'd have to wait around while these dummies threw fucking air kick air kick yeah it's like one though trash it's good to learn in terms of kicking dynamics and movement and flexibility and leg dexterity you definitely can use some of the kicks in MMA if you know how

to do the other things but why there's there no MMA like Taekwondo, dude? There are. There's a bunch. There's a bunch that use those type of techniques, but they know how to do everything else. Like karate. The best representative of karate is Wonderboy. Am I seeing shit?

Yeah, there's a shooting star. Oh, my God. Pretty dope, right? Yeah, it's good, but I thought I was seeing shit. By the way, how good are these fucking coffee drinks? Yeah, these are good. Shouts to your man. Shouts to your man. Oh, god. Pretty dope, right? Yeah, it's good, but I thought I was seeing... By the way, how good are these fucking coffee drinks? Yeah, these are good. Shouts to your man. Shouts to your man. Oh, fuck! Happy birthday. Jamie reminded

me it was your birthday. Thank you very much. I have a present for you. Oh, do you really? Yeah, yeah. I was waiting until we started to give you. Okay. Here's my present for you. This is... This is a gift. Is it your shirt? No, this is for you. This is not mine at all. This is for you. Shouts to Pound for Pound for making it. Shouts to Pound for Pound for making it for you. It's not mine at all. This is for you. Do you want it? Shouts to Pound for Pound for making it.

Bohemian Grove. Shouts to Pound for Pound for making it for us. 1999, Bohemian Grove. It was a great year. It was a great year for the Grove, 1999. There we go. Pound for Pound is good stuff. But I figure you would like this.

Happy birthday. I don't know how heavy that shirt is. It almost feels like it's wet. It's just the right shirt quality. That's good quality, man. Boy tears. Boy tears. They soak them in boy tears over at the Grove, and then they give them.

How old? 54. 54. How does it feel? I feel good. Yeah? Yeah. You're doing good.

Pretty fucking good. You were fucking celebrating last night, bro. Yeah. Well, that's why I ate so much, too. Oh, my God, dude. It's birthday food. Just an animal. Just an animal. an animal that golden tiger i gotta i gotta tell you something man uh after this morning i got i i can't hear any more new york slander on the pod after what i saw this morning at our place

what'd you see a fucking naked guy with a string thong broke into our complex where we're staying right here with a knife this morning well that's called suicide by cop he's trying to die everybody has a gun here i gotta show you the guy broke in with a knife and wearing a thong bro he stole a maserati earlier really parked at our place and then, look at this, and then just is trying to get in, butt-ass naked, shredded, by the way, in amazing shape. Really? Yeah. I like how you can see it from the pool. That's pretty dope.

Yeah, little things here. Is this an Austin thing here? Are we talking? Because I'm hearing a lot of New York slander about how dangerous New York is. This isn't dangerous. This is just fun. All right. Fair enough. Did anybody get hurt?

No. We called the authorities. People getting shot left and right in New York. They're beating the fuck out of people. No. I watch videos. No. If you're Asian, you have problems.

Yeah, that's right. Asians were going through it. They attacked Asian people in New York. For a little bit. They were definitely going through it. That was weird. Yeah, they were going through it. McMoranus had an issue.

McMoranus got cracked. He did, but he had it coming, though. That guy had it coming, bro. Shrinking them fucking kids and shit, dog. Yeah, that's not good. You can't be shrinking kids, Joe. Honey, I shrunk the kids. What a fucking movie.

No, but New York is fine, man. It's not fine. It's fine. I'm there. It's doomed. It's beautiful. Even the governor's sexually groping people. That's Italian, bro.

That is being Italian, Joe. You're disrespecting Italian culture. Isn't that an amazing excuse? It's the greatest excuse ever. Amazing excuse. I'm not a pervert. I'm Italian. I'm Neapolitan. This is our culture. Joe, this is our culture. Did you see Kyle Dunnigan's

take on it? No, what did he do? Oh my god. Kyle Dunnigan. He's got great stuff. Shout out to Kyle, man. Shout out to Kyle Dunnigan. take on it? No, what did he do? Oh, my God. Kyle Dunnigan. He's got great stuff. Shout out to Kyle, man. Shout out to Kyle Dunnigan and Kurt Metzger. And Kurt, too. Yeah. Kurt would have even killed it. I'm having them both come on together. Oh, God bless.

They have one of the best shows that's ever existed. Yeah. First of all, they do that Biden sitcom. Okay. Have you seen that? No, no, I haven't seen that one. The Fresh Prez? No, no.

Oh, my God. It's fucking amazing because it's all face swaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's got Biden and the face swaps. Yeah. And now he's got- Oh, I love it. He's riding with Ben Shapiro on his lap. Oh, my God. It's fucking amazing. Because it's all face swaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's got Biden and the face swaps. Yeah. And now he's got- Oh, man. He's riding with Ben Shapiro on his lap.

Oh, Ben. He's got AOC. Look at AOC. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. But it's the new one that he did with Cuomo. What'd he do? Give me some volume.

He's got this thing. It's the Andrew Cuomo rocket chart show. Like here. Andrew Cuomo. Oh, yeah. Let me work my way into your hearts with my personal stories and informative charts. Oh, I did see this.

It's the Governor Andrew Cuomo Rock and Chart Show. Quick story. When I was a boy, I would watch Howdy Doody. One day, I received a gift. It was a Howdy Doody doll. It was my favorite toy to play with. Until the day I found something more fun to play with. My penis.

Sit back, relax, and take me in. I'll entertain and teach you. That's a real win-win. It's the Governor Andrew Cuomo Rocky Chalk Show. He talks about my show Chalk. He's great. Welcome to's show. He talks about my show, Chuck. He's great. Welcome to the show.

We'll be getting to the controversy and my imminent arrest in a minute. First some housekeeping. I have decided to ditch Mitch and go with a young hip sidekick, the king of Staten Island, Pete Davidson. Pete, what's happening? Nothing, I guess. of Staten Island. Pete Davidson. Pete, what's happening? Uh, nothing, I guess.

Fascinating. Okay. I have been accused of touching women's privates. Not true. I'm Italian. We talk with our hands. And all that my hands were saying

was, what time is it? it and sometimes when you hear your family make sense i love it you gotta admit that's an all-time excuse, though. It's a ridiculous thing to say. And the video that he put up, did you see the video where he's like grabbing? No, I didn't see it. Oh, Cuomo, I think it was like at the press conference. He put up this video of him like touching all the people. He goes, I've touched men.

And there's a picture of him kissing a guy. I've touched women. I've touched powerful people. He's holding Bill Clinton's face as he's like kissing him on the cheek. And it was like a really, it was interesting defense because at the start I'm like Let me see that can I see the video? You know I'm talking about Jamie See I kiss and touch everyone Cuomo shows gallery of him kissing men women yeah LGBTQ what is this? He was snitching on himself. Yeah, he's like he's like you think I touch people of course I touch and he just put all

The different people he's touched, but it looked kind of innocent. Let's see this. Give me some volume. He's narrating. Oh, my God. Oh, we've got three seconds. Two, one, and. Here we go.

Raised against me questions that have sought to unfairly characterize and weaponize everyday interactions that I've had with any number of New Yorkers. The New York Times published a front page picture of me touching a woman's face at a wedding and then kissing her on the cheek. That is not front page news. I've been making the same gesture in public all my life.

I actually learned it from my mother. That's her fault. I learned how to be a pervert from my mom. It's a long line of perverts. Nothing more. Indeed, there are hundreds, if not thousands of photos of me using the exact same gesture. I do it with everyone. Black and white, young and old, straight and LGBTQ, powerful people.

Look at this. Look at this. Clinton, one nose to nose. There's Eskimo people. People who I meet on the street. After the event, the woman told the press that she took offense at the gesture. And for that, I apologize.

Another woman stated that I kissed her on the forehead at our Christmas party and that I said, ciao, Bella. Now, I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure that I did. I do kiss people on the forehead. I do kiss people on the cheek. I do kiss people on the hand. I do embrace people. I do hug people, men and women.

I do on occasion say, ciao Bella. On occasion, I do slip and say, sweetheart people. I do tell jokes, some better than others. I am the same person in public as I am in private. You have seen me do it on TV through all my briefings and for 40 years before that. I try to put people at ease. I try to make them smile. I try to connect with them. And I try to show my appreciation and my friendship. I now understand that there are generational or cultural perspectives that frankly I hadn't fully appreciated. And I have learned from this.

Now the state already has an advanced sexual harassment training program for all employees, including me. But I want New York State government to be a model of office behavior. And I brought in an expert. So this is all before he resigned. Yes. That was the last ditch effort. Like, we were supposed to see that and be like, you're okay. But it's more than that that he's accused of.

No, the accusations are crazy, right? The accusations are he's trying to like finger girls, right? Yeah, like that, like Ciao Bella. Did someone get upset at that? Maybe. I don't know. I think that's a little bit crazy. I mean, he is like an older Italian guy, so there's going to be a certain amount of-

Ciao Bella, why is that offensive? It means hello, beautiful. Yeah, why is that offensive? I guess, I don't know. Or goodbye, beautiful. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah so you're italian yeah yeah i mean how do you like resist touching yeah like how does that italian

has not come out like i don't know when you're around pits i have a little bit of irish in me oh that's what it is you just go like this 25 standoff in me i don't you know but yeah he's being an old guy he's fucking what is he 70 years old i don't, you know. But yeah, he's being an old guy. He's fucking, what is he, 70 years old? I don't want to defend it. If it was just that. That'd be fine. I think there's some serious shit. Yeah.

And, you know, maybe he was trying to hit on a girl. He was trying to get his dick wet a little bit. Do you know the whole story with the lady who was, she's the attorney general, right? The one who prosecuted this. Patricia James is her name? Yeah, yeah. Do you know, she was in another party and he made her denounce her party in order to come over to work for him And then she immediately went after him whoa

Is that yeah, yeah Wow Yeah, so he's got like a history of making women do things. They don't want to do well I don't know if you made her you know I think it's a political thing you probably do it for a guy too Bustin balls, but yeah, it's uh it's. I think it's a political thing. You probably would do it for a guy, too. Bustin' balls. Bustin' balls. Yeah, it's just so interesting. I don't know. Because you see that, you're like, yeah, this is how old people were. Old people were way more tactile.

Yes. At least Mediterranean folks. Yeah, they were very touchy. That's fine. And I think that's a lot of the Biden thing. You know, like the Biden sniffing kid shit? I don't like that. Bro, you wouldn't let him sniff your kid?

That bothers me. I'd let him sniff my kid. Really? A hundred percent. Because you don't have any kids. Once you have kids, you're like, why are you him sniff your kid? That bothers me. I'd let him sniff my kid. Really? A hundred percent. Because you don't have any kids. Once you have kids, you're like, why are you sniffing my kid? Your father instincts would kick in. Let me think.

Plus, I don't think you'd remember if it's a kid or not. I think you'd be confused. Just in the moment, he's like, this is a full- Maybe he thinks it's a smaller person. That's it, yeah. I just sniff the midgets. Dude, that's one of my favorite pastimes, dude. I'm a midget sniffer, dude. If I see

a midget, I gotta smell them, dude. They smell so delicious. I just don't think, like, I think that thing is way bigger a deal than it needs to be. The sniffing? Yeah, like, the cognitive ability is the thing that scares me. Not sniffing kids. Right. Just keep the kids away from them. I think the sniffing kids in

public is part of the cognitive decline. He doesn't recognize that people don't like that. But you don't think it's just him being 200? Look at him. Well, he's kids he's sniffing. Oh, that one on the side is fucked up at the bottom, right? It looks like he's pulling. They're all fucked up.

Yeah, that one, she's really uncomfortable. They're lurching away from him. Yeah. They're distorting their facial expressions. Yeah. It's very strange. But why would they smell like that? Why would they come in smelling like that, Joe?

Why would they wear perfume that day? Why would they do that? They want to be sniffed. Am I a victim blamer? Maybe. Holy shit, dude. Maybe. But just for sniffing. It's the worst. If that's the worst thing that happens to you, you get sniffed. Yeah, you can get over a sniff.

Yeah, you should. And I think it's an older person thing. I think the Cuomo stuff that was messed up is probably he was trying to finger these girls or grabbing titties or just being a real scumbag. And I'm just not surprised. Anybody that wants to be in a position of power uses their power shitty. Yeah, especially that kind of thing thing like a governor or president or it used to be back in the jfk days like that's why you became president so you could fuck everybody yeah was jfk the last one um i don't know that's a good question who do you think well clinton obviously but was he

really getting it in like busted yeah but he wasn't getting it in like that like jfk i think he was getting it i think clinton was getting it in i Clinton got busted. Yeah, but he wasn't getting it in like that. I think he was getting it in. I think he was getting it in. I think Clinton was getting it in. I think he had people that can keep their fucking mouth shut. But you don't fuck with Monica Lewinsky and then Pamela Anderson the same week. No offense to Monica, but if you're fucking with Monica, like the chick that just works down the hall. I think Clinton would fuck anybody who's locked in a room with him. Interesting.

I think he's one of them cats. You think he'll ever go down or he dies first? I think if he was going to go down, he would have already gone down. Yeah. I mean, do you remember when Trump had all those women that accused him of rape? It was one of the most hilarious things that I've seen. Crazy. Because Hillary tried to talk some shit about him.

He's like, oh, really? Check this out. And he brought those girls front row. If he's not going down, really? Yeah. Check this out. And he brought those girls front row. Yeah. If he's not going down for that. Yeah. Yeah. If he hasn't gone down for that, what's he going down for? Yeah, it's kind of tricky.

It would have to be like some murder shit, some house of cards shit. Yeah. I don't know. I just feel like people stop caring. Like, it's weird. Like, we only have like a certain tolerance for caring. Right. Like, we really cared about the Epstein shit for a minute. Everybody's

wearing t-shirts and hashtag this and that. Epstein isn't dead or whatever. He didn't hang himself. He didn't hang himself. Now we're like, okay. It's like the UFO thing. We were really all about it and then the government was like, yeah, there might be some. Then we're like, okay. Give us what we need. It's actually pretty dangerous if you think about the fact that

you got this guy who is a key witness in one of the most high-profile? sex trafficking Things ever hmm like what if what he's what they accused him of is accurate Yeah, and that he really did involve heads of state politicians Scientists celebrities and he brought them all to Fuck Island. Yes.

And he filmed them. Yes. If that's real, if he really did have this giant fucking Rolodex of people that he could call and go, hey, you know, I got this video and I don't want to release it, but I also want $150 million. Yeah. Might need to cough that up. Who was that one guy who was the hedge fund guy that it turned out that they found that he had given Epstein $150 million? Yeah.

This is like the most recent one that came out. He's like a big... Ah, fuck. What is this guy's name? Leon Black. Leon Black. Super rich cat. He's also in the news today. He is this guy's name? Leon Black. Leon Black. Super rich cat. And this guy is also in the news today.

He's in the news today? Oh, a Russian model claims Wall Street billionaire Leon Black flew her to Palm Beach to satisfy the sex needs of Jeffrey Epstein. I just typed in Epstein's name in Google and there's like five different stories that popped up within the last like 24 hours. But why do you think we don't care, Joe? Like, why do you think we stop caring? It's not that we don't care. It's that there's so many things to care about. You can't care about everything.

You can't care about UFOs and climate change and Epstein and Jelaine Maxwell or whatever the fuck. How do you say her name? I don't know but she's got the heavies, bro. Did you see the picture of her and the chick who- Big Tatas? Big Tatas, super heavies. Did you see the picture of her

and the chick from The Atlantic? No. Jamie, can you bring this up? I may. Imagine if she got them done while she was on trial. Brilliant move. Imagine? Brilliant move.

No, no, no, no. It's her and the girl from The Atlantic. She's in full bikini, super heavies, just out. In bikini? Bikini. Go woman from The Atlantic. You didn't see this? I don't think so, no.

Is it the upper right-hand corner? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No? Woman from the Atlantic is pretty big. Was she? You'll see. I don't know. She was like, anyway, but it was wild.

It was like. She looks like she would have been a very attractive lady. Oh, yeah. She was a total piece, man. Total, total piece. What do you think happened with that? What it was that weird relationship because she would get the girls, right? Yeah, she would green them. Yeah, it was I don't know I guess maybe it was a lot easier when there was a girl there like remember that like porn series bang bus Yeah, do you remember that one? Like they're in like Miami

They just had like a bus right and they're like pick up girls off the street like everybody was paid and shit but they made you think they were picking girls right there was always a chick in the bus and that just calmed everything down it's not a bunch of fucking horny dudes a guy with like a huge dick you get in the bus to get a ride wherever you need to go and then you just start fucking right there was a girl there who would like help kick the game right and it And it made it so much calmer, so much safer. Even watching it, you're like, I feel way better that there's a woman here. You know what I mean? If there wasn't a woman here, this would be dangerous.

But like this girl's here and she's making sure everything's okay. It's like a dude being a pimp is way more gross than a woman being a madam. Right. For some fucking reason. It's almost like the madam is like easing everybody's discomfort and taking care of everything. She's got their side. She's making fun of them.

She's that motherly role. Yeah. But realistically, she's the most savage because she probably knows how to like manipulate them in ways that guys never do. And I think you have that shit. Didn't the buddy ranch have like some madam that kept all their girls in check? Probably. And he was just smoking them out.

But like she was the one that was really doing the due diligence. So that's probably what they were doing. I don't know, man. Well, New York City has decriminalized prostitution. Yeah, but it's always been. Really? I mean, they're not arrested. There was a whole fucking HBO show about picking a pussy on the street at Hunts Point.

Yeah, but that's- None of those girls got arrested. No, they arrested those girls sometimes. They would bring them in. $50. Hey, what were you doing I wasn't doing anything But I think it's on the books now

That's what's different It's official I think like weed is decriminalized too But I guess what I'm saying is like I don't know Like in New York What is it You're not allowed to jaywalk

Right But like we're gonna jaywalk So there's certain things That they don't bust you on Like the cops don't bust your balls Yeah but in LA they bust you for jaywalking Yeah but LA sucks Ooh

Shots fired. Is that a hot take? That's a little bit of a hot take, but other people share it. Do you think so? But not you. You don't share. Like when we were having dinner with- That's why I moved.

But we were having dinner with Newsom last night, remember? And Newsom and- Remember we went bowling with Newsom and Pelosi? Did you see the Newsom video with him losing his temper? Oh, it's great. Getting hot. I love it. He's passionate.

He's clearly under fire. I think he realizes it's coming down. He's out of here, right? That Larry Elder fella. That Larry Elder fella is a smooth talker. Good guy? Conservative radio host, smooth talker. The radio guys, bro.

And people like him. The radio guys. They like him a lot. He's very popular. He's got a huge national show. Yeah. I mean, he's been around for a long time. When he decided to step in, they were all upset.

Caitlyn Jenner, I'm sure, was upset. Yeah, what's the deal with her? She had it. You think she had it? No, she had no chance. Never? No. Yeah.

She's a male Kardashian. She's a what? Female. She's a male? Yeah. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Is she? I don't know. Yeah, it's a grab at attention. She's a mix. Kardashian. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Is she?

I don't know. It's a grab at attention. There's no, like. You don't actually think she can do it? She's a conservative. She's a conservative. I think a lot of people like the idea of a conservative transsexual. Yeah.

Yeah, because it makes you feel comfortable with your political beliefs. Yeah, and transsexual people being in the public eye a lot more now, particularly her, she's like the main one, would be interesting. The first ever transsexual governor. I'm sure California would love to elect the first ever transsexual governor and claim the throne as the most progressive state of all time. Because they're pretty much there right now. You think they are? I mean, it's got to be the most progressive state of all time. Yeah. Because they're pretty much there right now. You think they are? I mean, it's got to be the most politically correct state. Yeah.

In terms of like adopting the woke ideology, no one adopts it more heavy and hardcore than California. I guess I'm so just like. Over it? I'm just out of the loop, you know, like, I don't know. It's weird. It's like one of these things. I remember when we moved back to New York, I started doing shows again. It was for the first time in four months that I did shows for a crowd that kind of groaned

and had pushback on ideas or words. Because you've been in Miami. I've been in Miami. And we've been on the road, and I've been performing for my guys. So it's like they understand what they're coming into. And what's so interesting is I used to be so angry at that. I'd be so angry when audiences do that. Why are you guys being fake?

Why are you lying to yourselves? You're being hypocrites. You're laughing at this part of the joke, which is way worse than this part. But just this one bad word makes you feel uncomfortable. And then I realized like these people would all act the exact same way as the people at my shows if they were in that environment this is just an unfamiliar environment for them they're at the comedy cellar but they're there with their co-workers they might not want their co-workers to know that they find trans jokes funny or homophobic jokes funny or racist jokes funny you're there's

a level of discomfort because they're with their co- they're co-workers? I think when you're- That's unique to New York City? I think it's like, you know how you should be, and you know how you should be in public, and you also know how you are. And I think the great thing, at least that I've been able to experience, is people get to be who they are

at these shows, right? So like everybody knows that everybody could get it, any race, religion, anybody. If you're trans, you're going to get it. Everybody's getting it at the shows. So everybody submits to that when they walk in. They're okay.

But when you're at the random show with people that they don't even know in the lineup, you know, everybody's doing 15-minute spots, you don't know what behavior you should have. So you go in there going, okay, I got to be appropriate like I'm appropriate at work. And it's up to us to either make the jokes funny enough so that they can kind of let loose a little bit. And that is on us. I'll take that. But also create a culture at the club where the club is like, hey, you're allowed to laugh. It's okay to laugh. It's okay.

Because I guarantee every one of those people, if they came to one of my shows, would just fall in line. They'd just fall right the fuck in line. Because they would be there with your fans. They'd be there with their fans. And people would understand it. Exactly. Yeah. But that's the one good thing about having your own show where people know what to expect but it's also the one good thing about being in a place like the cellar or the store

where you're dealing with 15 people a night where you can't get away with that yeah and so you need to need the balance you need to figure out how to finesse people that might not agree with your ideas and it allows you to like structure your jokes in a way where you make them more palatable with the same ideas and the same jokes, but you figure out a way to ease them in better. Yeah. That's the game. Yeah. That's the game.

That is the game. I guess one of the benefits of having some visibility or people know about me or they know about you, they know about you, like they understand your perspective, is like there's an expectation when you walk on stage. Like I used to always be like, I used to always be jealous of comics that like looked a certain way when they walk on stage.

And they could just acknowledge it. Looked funny. Yeah. And it's like everybody's thinking the same thing. You walk on stage, satisfied, go. And I hated the first few minutes because nobody knows the fuck I am when I walk on stage. Every Jewish person thinks I'm Jewish. Every Italian thinks I'm

Italian. I have the people like, why is he kind of talk, he's using like slang words and shit like that. But nobody knows. So it would take a few minutes, I have to really hit him with a fucking haymaker where they're like, okay, he's funny, I'll get on board. And it's nice now to be at the point where it's like, okay, can we just tell some fucking jokes? I don't want to prove myself to you. That's not the ego thing that I get get on board right and it's nice now To be at the point where it's like okay. Can we just tell some fucking jokes? Yeah? I don't want to prove myself to you I don't that's not the ego thing that I get off on I get off on us all coming together and having some fun on Some fucked up shit right right I guess there's some people who they really like proving the crowd wrong And it's like buddy. You're gonna get to a point your career with a crowd is gonna like you yeah

It's not win over the goal is not be, oh, I didn't think he was funny. He was. Do you know, that's a fear that a lot of people have. They're going to get soft because of that. Because they're going to have their own crowd. That was. You're as hard as you are. That's true.

Come, you know what I mean? Some accountability. Like, you know if the joke's trash. Right. Like, we've all been on the road. You should know. We hear something and we're like, all right, that got too big a laugh. Right.

I need to work on that for me right right right you know like that it's one of those things where it's like you know you're not performing for the back room like i don't i don't believe in that like you perform for the people who are there yeah but you think about it a little well you know if you're doing something that's hack yes you know where you're taking a shortcut or you're doing a cheap laugh. Yeah, for sure. But I think you need to do all kinds of different places. Yeah. And I think doing those store-type shows or seller-type shows where they're not there to see you.

They're there to see everybody. Pop in. Yeah. Pop in. See the crap. There's a lot of different fucking comics on the lineup. And who's to say what percentage are there to see Andrew Schultz? Yeah. There might be like 10 of them.

Yeah. There might be 20 to see this guy, 5 to see this guy. You know what? You don't know. So those shows are like a good part of your work. It's like if you're a cross trainer, like if you're a fighter and you're training for your sport, you're not just sparring. You've got to do some road work.

You've got to lift a little weight. You've got to do some hard cardio, some wind sprints. That's like, you know what's the best really one of the best things ever is those weird fucking shows where there's like 20 people in the audience they are the best for you dude there's a show

Will Silvins a comic in New York and he runs it at like the upstairs room at the cellar and it's just called New Jokes and he does it and it's similar to Jeremiah's

Stand Up On The Spot Stand Up On The Spot but it's not to um jeremiah's stand up on the spot stand up on the spot but it's it's not like uh where you just they just throw something at you and then you do it right you do any new ideas you have but my favorite part of it is afterwards will comes up with you and you kind of talk about the bits together in front of a crowd and all of a sudden you're like i'm finding tags i'm finding a different angle that i didn't see you sudden, you're like, I'm finding tags, I'm finding a different angle that I didn't see. You know sometimes you're like too close to a joke. You're like trying to make it work

because it's like right in front of you. And if you just, if it was somebody else's joke, if it was your friend's joke, you'd be like, bro, what about going this way? There's something about being so close to it that it almost like limits creativity a little bit. You're like, the laugh is almost there. I'm gonna kind of grind this, I'm gonna grind this,

I'm gonna grind this. But the reality is, the laugh is almost there i'm gonna kind of grind this i'm gonna grind this i'm gonna grind this but the reality is the laughs is a completely other direction and like being up there and like riffing back and forth i forgot how fun that was in front of 30 people not that many people 40 people or something like that but having that live feedback i was like this is the most fun way to write at least for me yeah that's the thing about those kind of like shows where you're improvising on the spot. They got a show out here called The Riff, and what they use is cards. The audience will fill out index cards, like Obama's super spreader party.

You write things down on it, and then they take these things, they pull them out of this box, and they stick them on this wheel just randomly and then you spin the wheel and it'll land on one of the things and you grab the card and you're like okay yeah you know and then you start talking nancy pelosi's chin yeah and then you start talking about that you're like okay and then you have a bit the riff right off of that pelosi it's fucking great man i love those kind of shows those are very very valuable shows, it's good to do stand-up again. Dude, I think I was telling you this, but I was in Miami, and it was so nice. I couldn't write.

Yeah, you were having too much fun. I didn't realize it back then what I initially pushed back against. Really, every single joke is pushing back against somebody being outraged at something I don't think they should be outraged by. And there's a lot of that in New York. It's nonstop. It's nonstop. Everybody's upset.

I'm walking down the street. Some girl calling me a murderer because I don't have a mask. You know what I mean? Really? Oh, multiple times. Multiple times. Now? In my neighborhood.

No, not now. But like back during the pandemic before we left. Walking down the street outside. Walking a golden doodle. I'm a good person. I have a dog. I have a golden doodle dog. A golden doodle. I'm a good person. I have a dog. I have a golden doodle dog. A golden doodle.

I'm not a bad guy, right? If I have a golden doodle, right? Yes. I'm soft. That's like an effeminate dog. Sweet. It's a sweet dog. It's beautiful.

I love her. Amazing. Murderer. I couldn't fathom what she called me. Murderer. I was like, what? Because I didn't think. And she goes, murderer.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Yeah. See, I can't live in a place like that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't need that in my life. But for jokes, like that thing, let me tell you, if comedy clubs were open that night, some fun would have been had or a giant bomb. An epic night would have happened because of that.

Something special. Maybe a bomb, maybe a crush. It would be remembered. Yeah. For good or or bad reasons but that type of shit like i need more calm i think than you do i need i need chaos i thrive in chaos joe i'm from new york i this is what moves me like i try to go on vacation with with my girl and we went to after last time i came here went to hawaii went to lanai yeah and uh i almost, after the last time I came here, went to Hawaii, went to Lanai. Yeah. And I almost died, by the way.

What happened? I almost drowned. What? Yeah. For real? I did drown, actually. Yeah. What do you mean?

I was surfing. Yeah, that was crazy. What happened? Well, the whole time I was trying to surf, I grew up surfing, right? When I was here, I went to Waco. I surfed Waco, amazing place. And I was trying to organize surfing on the island of Lanai. Lanai is the one island that's like blocked from northern swells.

So there's no surf. The one island. I didn't realize this. I'm like, we're going to Hawaii. There's going to be surf, right? Of course. I go to the hotel. Can I get a surfboard?

They're like, no, we really don't recommend. This is only for like experts and that kind of stuff. And I'm like, I've been surfing my whole life. I'll be okay. So I find a way. I asked a million different people. I finally find a way. contact this guy, Lanai, who's from Lanai, he's a celebrity out there in Hawaii,

and good friends with BJ Penn. Oh. Yeah, who was one of the most horrifying stories, by the way, of getting caught in a wave pool. Yeah, I heard about that. I mean, this was, Jesus Christ. So I finally get a surfboard, they drop it off at the hotel,

and the hotel's like, please, you shouldn't surf, and I'm like, it's gonna be fine. They have once in a surfboard. They drop it off at the hotel. And the hotel's like, please, you shouldn't surf. And I'm like, it's going to be fine. They have once in a decade waves while I'm there. This never happens. It's supposedly flat the whole time in the winter. Once in a decade right outside of the hotel. Okay? I don't know how to relax.

Like I don't know how to just sit on a thing and relax. I can't do that. Right? My girl learned that about me when we went there. So I'm like, let me just go surf. I surf the first day, fun. Surf the second day, fun. I go one more day, I'll surf,

and then we'll just do activities for the rest of the time. I go out there, I catch a few waves. The waves are breaking off of this point, right? So that means that there's reef here and there's some rocks and the rocks, the wave wraps around the rocks and the rock starts to break and then they go. You take off on the wave really close to the rock, okay?

And if you're, what I was basically doing is watching the locals take off and I was just taking off a little bit further outside than them, I'm like if that's where they take off, I go a little outside, I'll be okay. I went out, it was only two of us. Every day there'd be like four of us, it was like nobody surfing, it was unbelievable

the luck that I got. It's just me and another white dude from like North Carolina or some shit. So I don't know exactly where the takeoff is. So I'm a little bit deeper. Big one comes in. I'm like, okay, I got this. I go paddle, pop up. I fall on the takeoff, right?

Not a big deal. I fall on waves all the time. I'm getting thrashed around a little bit. It's like head high waves. Nothing like that crazy. But like I get thrashed. I try to go to the time. I'm getting thrashed around a little bit. It's like head high waves, nothing like that crazy. But like I get thrashed, whatever. I try to go to the surface and I can't. What the fuck is going on here, right?

I didn't even really care about my breath when I first went in because I'm not intending on being down for that long. You know what I'm saying? Like it's a little tumble. I just went off the wave, nothing. Try to go up. I can't. Try to go up. I can't.

Try to go up. I can't. Try to go up. I can't. I try to pierce the surface and I exhale right before. Right? Because you, I don't know, it's just naturally you just go exhale here and then breach. Right? Yeah. I'm still under my board or leash wrapped around the coral bed underneath. Okay. I can't go up. I'm literally going, my girl's watching on the beach in my mind. So many things are passing through my mind. I'm like,

is she going to watch me die? Is she going to, how long have I been under here? I have no more air left. I take a breath of water. Oh shit. I thought you die then. And in that moment I had had this weird pinpoint focus.

It was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced. It was like, you're not going to die. You're going to figure this out. When I was surfing, oh, this is crazy. When I was surfing here in Waco, I went out to dinner with the Geiselman brothers and Kevin Schultz. They're surfers. The Geiselman brothers, one of them was telling me a story,

I think it was Evan, about when he got his board wrapped around coral okay he said you don't bend at the waist to go undo the leash you actually pull your knee up because your legs are stronger than your core or whatever the fuck it was i don't know exactly what it was but in this moment there was probably one second i had the whole conversation play in my head. It was the weirdest thing. Everything was so slow, but it was like, I don't know what it was. And I remember the conversation from dinner after we surfed,

having Mexican food in Waco. And in that moment, I pull my leg up. And as I pull my leg up to take off the leash, something pops and I just get pushed up out of the water. It was fucking unreal, dude. I was like kicking the coral with my feet. The bottom of my feet were all black and blue. Like it was crazy.

And I went back out and I surfed three more waves and I came in. What happened to BJ Penn? He was surfing at, I don't want to say which one because he didn't say it, but he was surfing at a wave pool. And the way the wave pools work is there's a- When you say a wave pool, those artificial ones? Artificial wave pool, yeah. And what happened was he, in these wave pools, he was like in the initial stages, right? So I think everybody was giving like a trial run before they put it out there.

And the way it works is there's this like engine room that sucks in water, right? And then shoots the water back out. And that's what starts the wave, right? So you suck in the water. There's a depression in the water level, and then you push it back out, and all that water coming out at the same time creates a hump.

It hits where shallow water starts to break. He's really close to the wall waiting to surf. The suction happens, sucks him into the engine room. He doesn't just get sucked underwater. He gets sucked underwater into the room. He's stuck in the room, Joe. Bro, I'm reading this story.

I hit him up on Instagram. I was like, dude, I can't believe what I just read. He's stuck in the fucking room as water's coming in, right? Filling up, bouncing him all around. He doesn't know where the fuck he's going. And fucking room as water's coming in right filling up bouncing him all around he doesn't know where the fuck he's going and then the water shoots out and then he has a second to breathe water comes back in he's like it was something out of a saw movie it's like a torture technique oh my god he's like the only reason i stayed alive is my kids i was like i just have and he said he credited fighting he goes i've i've been in so many situations where it was

like well he thought about quitting thought about quitting but also like these brutal physical And he goes, I've been in so many situations where it was like. Where he thought about quitting. Thought about quitting, but also like these brutal physical situations. Right, where he knows how to endure. Where he knows how to endure. Fuck. But can you imagine the fear? You can't see anything.

Water's everywhere. All of a sudden, you're locked. You're like, am I locked in this thing? I can't get out. And then all the water gets sucked out. You're like, okay, I can breathe. So how did he get out? I guess they stopped it and they went down there and I guess they grabbed it.

So they knew he was in there? I think, yeah. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I can't speak for him, but I think that's what happened. And now they've put grates there and now there's grates at all the wave pools so that would never happen.

But the fact that they let people surf without the fucking grates, imagine getting sucked down a tube. Like you see all the bruises on him? Wild shit, man. Like infections and shit. Yeah. grades imagine getting sucked down a tube like you see all the bruises on them wild shit man like infections and shit yeah but like that's that's fucking mario brother shit like yeah right right right game like like saw literally yeah yeah wow gnarly right holy shit yeah yeah heavy shit man that's heavy heavy shit but yeah i guess i need to keep doing things

see take that north korean lady that's a real story about struggle Heavy shit, man. That's heavy. Heavy shit. But yeah, I guess I need to keep doing things. See? Take that, North Korean lady. That's a real story about struggle. That was the most entertaining, depressing fucking podcast, bro. Oh my God. Do you think it's all real? Oh, it's 100% real. Because I was reading some shit. Bro, she's so small.

She's so small from lack of food. Not all of her, Joe. Yeah, well, I think that was after the fact. I think a doctor was involved. You think so? Yeah. But shaking her hand. I almost started making my girl eat rats after I saw her, dude.

I saw her talk on that podcast. All I ate is rats. I was like, oh, did you? It was mostly grasshoppers. Grasshoppers? Yeah. Whatever, fry them up, dude. All I ate is rats. I was like, oh, did ya? It was mostly grasshoppers. Grasshoppers? Whatever, fry them up, dude. Yeah, I get it. She came out of North Korea stacked. Yeah, she's

definitely. She's like 80 pounds. Because you know there's some discrepancy in the stories, apparently. How so? I was reading some article and it said she'd mixed things up, and her mom was saying this, and her mom was saying they really had it. They were balling in North Korea. She had a fucking Chanel bag and shit like that.

Apparently, she's on this- No one's balling in North Korea. That's what the mom said. No one is balling in North Korea. There's no way. It doesn't happen. There's no one balling in North Korea. They're starving way. It doesn't happen. There's no one balling in North Korea. They're starving to death.

How do we know we don't go? First of all, the lady is 80 pounds. She's a grown woman that's 80 pounds. Koreans are not the biggest. Yeah, but the way she's built is like it's odd. And I think it's a malnutrition thing. I believe it. Don't get me wrong.

What don't you agree? I just heard. I'm reading this article saying like because she's i guess on a show in south korea that is full of people who got out yes right and like they were calling her like the paris hilton of north korea yeah yeah and so she talked about that on the podcast yeah so um i don't know i don't know there's a couple different like the discrepancy of stories between like what her mom said and like what did it say? That was there's an article I forget what it is. I think the diplomat think about is that there's a tremendous amount of Propaganda that gets released by the North Koreans is particularly to discredit people that have escaped

Not many have escaped and they can't escape now because they set up landmines So yeah, so if you get past the fence you blow up well like if you try to run You you get through the fence if they don't shoot you and they do try to shoot you Yeah, you're gonna step on a landmine and fucking blow up. Yeah, it's wild man But again, we don't we don't know what's like over there because we haven't gone. Every single person who's escaped tells the same story. They all talk about the camps and they all talk about how if your grandfather's done something, you'll be born in these camps and that you have like multiple generations of guilt. Get punished for the crime, yeah. All that shit is real.

Okay, it's real. Yeah, the fact that he murdered his own uncle and he does blow people up with missiles. They have had public executions where he literally will have someone tied up and they shoot a missile at them. You can do that with cows, I think, in Cambodia. You can shoot a rocket launcher at a cow. Really? Yeah. They allow you to?

Yeah. Or you could pay for it? No, it's like you pay for it. It's like a carnival thing. It's a fun thing? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

But I could see them doing it with people in North Korea. I know that people in, someone in North Dakota sent me this thing where they were shooting, what's that? Prairie dogs. They hate prairie dogs because prairie dogs create holes in the ground and horses step in the holes and snap their legs. Break their legs, yeah. So they were shooting prairie dogs with.50 caliber guns, which is a bullet like the size of your fist.

I like that. I like that. That's American. Bro, they just literally evaporate. I think that that's cool. Do you? I think that that's cool. I'm into it.

I also wonder if this girl, I wonder if it's like a bit. You know how a bit works and you just keep on adding to it? Like, and she's just cultivating the best bit. Like, yes, it's fucked up in North Korea. All these things happened. Maybe it's not fucked. I don't know. Right?

It's fucked up there. What if it's okay? What if it's Cleveland? You don't think it's possible? You don't think it's possible it's Cleveland? I know we got an Ohio boy here, but like, what, is it possible it's just Cleveland? You know, there's been documented cases of cannibalism there where people eat people. They had the guy.

Didn't the guy have the girl in the basement that they had kids with? Three girls in a base you're having kids with. That's crazier than cannibalism. No, it's not crazier than cannibalism, but it's also crazy. I would eat a human before I'd have three girls in a basement and have kids with them. That's a good point. Right? Especially a person that's already dead.

Yeah. Like a person drowns, and then you're really hungry. And you eat it. You pull them out of the water, and you're like, well, I am hungry. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot. Again, I don't know.

I've never ate human. I don't want to do it. It really depends on how the person died, right? Like if you're in that, what's that movie where they crash the plane, they have to scoop out of that guy's butt with a spoon? Wait, what? That's what they did. They scooped his butt with a spoon, went into the butt cheeks,

pulled his pants down and just dug in there with a spoon to take scoops of his ass. I thought that was a Cuomo thing. I thought that- I'm Italian. I scoop your ass. I don't know. I mean, like, I'm sure she went through some fucking absolutely horrible shit, but we have

this, like, hard-on for North Korea. I don't understand it. Because it's a brutal dictatorship that keeps its people starving aren't they all no that's how many of them are that's the worst really yeah it's the worst one and it's uh kept afloat by china yeah there's a lot that's documented about north korea that's undeniable their their atrocities are pretty intense especially the camps the way they have these camps set up. If you see the video of them crying when Kim Jong-un died, or Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-un's dad, Kim Jong-il died. And if you didn't cry hard enough, you get sentenced to six months of hard labor. So these people are

months of hard labor. So these people are wailing in the streets, like performatively wailing for days. Like, it's wild. See if we can find videos of people You need to watch this. Watch this. Oh, there's no sound? Oh, there's no sound?

Yeah, that's what I hear. I'm such a fucking skeptic, Joe. Is there sound? They're just crying forever. You have to keep crying. Yeah. Some nice jackets. Look at the all stuff.

Look at this. She's got a scarf. It's pretty nice. Look at this, man. I see a lot of teeth, Joe. I see a lot of teeth. Now she's got all her teeth. Clean streets.

Look at this, man. She's getting down on her knees, man. She's really putting in the work. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she wants it. I mean, this is the thing. It's like it never ends. It's performative.

Yeah. It goes on and on and on and on. And you have to exhibit a very high level of mourning. She's got fur on her jacket Joe. It's not real fur Still faux fur. She's got her hair dead. She does she got her hair dead You know what I mean? I'm just saying were they going to salons and shit. What's going on here? I think there might be what if this is propaganda? What if this whole thing like what if what if South Korea is paying? People to say some wild shit about North Korea so that we think North Korea is crazy?

What if it's South Korean propaganda? I don't think so. What do you think about that? I think you're in some strange territory. I like your watch. Oh, thank you, dude. What is that? A little AP.

Nice. I got a— It's an Audemars Piguet. How do you say that? I don't know how to pronounce it, dude. I'm a total fraud. Audemars Piguet. Audemars Piguet. Audemars Piguet. It? I don't know how to pronounce it, dude. I'm a total fraud. Ademage Puget. Ademage Puget.

Ademage Puget. It's a beautiful watch, though. Thank you, man. Yeah, I just fell apart in Miami, and I just started doing all this stuff. Sorry, balling. That's what I'm saying. You look like you were balling a little down there. I thought you were going to stay there.

I was hoping you were going to stay there. You wanted me to stay. Yeah, I did. I like what you were doing down there, and I felt like you could change the comedy scene in Miami. It would have been good. You would have been down there. You would have invited other degenerates to move down there, too.

And they would all move down there and start wearing these Hawaiian shirts and big straw hats. We leaned in. Look at this asshole. How many buttons are unbuttoned? Look at it. I love it. I love it. I love it. You know where I think we're going to go? This is what I want to do. I love it. You know where I think

we're going to go? This is what I want to do. I really liked going there. I'm curious about your take on this. I was thinking of doing a European some shows in Europe, right? Obviously if things are open or whatever maybe come next summer. So I was like what if we spent

a month and a half in Italy and then did the shows on the weekends and then podcasts and stuff during the week so it was almost like a shorter version of what we did in miami you definitely could do that be fun right yeah you could do that anywhere how big is your crew how many people do you travel with yeah i mean i came with a fucking basketball team today yeah you can't do that yeah i know my bad. My bad. We've got insurance rules, COVID rules. There's probably like, maybe like it would be eight to 10 of us or something like that. Yeah.

Just get like a big villa or some shit. Why do you have so many people that you travel with? Well, we're doing the shows this weekend. Right. Dallas-Houston. So some of the guys- So you have comics. So there's comics.

There's- How many, who do you have with you? So Mark opens for me. Mark is the guy who co-wrote and co-created the Netflix special. Brilliant guy. Hilarious comic. Mark Gagnon. And Alex does video.

You've met Alex. Alex directed the special. Vala is a new guy that we got on. That's not even his name, but we call him Vala. And so he's doing this documentary about the tour that we're doing. And he also does a lot of video stuff for us. And then my boy Dove, the truffle, we call him the truffle. Who does he do?

He's our truffle pig. He finds the money, Joe. He finds the money? He finds the money. How does he find the money? He truffles it, man. He just finds the deals, bro. So he's the guy that gets the deals. He gets the deals, dude. So he's the truffle pig. He's the truffle How does he find the money? He truffles it, man. He just finds the deals, bro. So he's the guy that gets the deals.

He gets the deals, dude. So he's the truffle pig. He's the truffle pig. Yeah. Okay. You got to have a truffle pig, John. I understand. Yeah.

Okay. Yes, exactly. Steve Bannon? No, it's McCage. Oh, so it's McCage. It's like Steve Bannon. Come on, tell me he doesn't look like Steve Bannon. Sort of.

A lot. Yeah. With the hair? Steve Bannon's got a weird thing going on with the hair Do you think Bannon does acid Like I've been looking at him with his hair I'm like why the long hair You're this conservative fucking hound

Yeah He's an odd looking guy Very odd His skin is weird Very odd Like he boozes a lot Maybe he knows too many things Definitely

Definitely boozing Definitely boozing Yeah He like maybe knows too many things Yeah they all know too many things It's like you have to be Yeah Look at. He maybe knows too many things. Yeah. They all know too many things. It's like you have to be- That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Come on. That guy gets hammered. Yeah. That's Tim Dillon's dad. Yeah. Look at that. Tim Dillon, fully vaccinated, got the cooties. Can we say it?

Yeah. I'm saying it. He knows it? Okay, good. He didn't tell me not to say it. God. Dude, get better, Tim. We can't have you all dealt it up, man.

He must be protected. We have to protect him. We have to protect him. That guy is a national treasure. Yeah, he's great. Did you see the fucking latest? The articles? People freaking out in Australia.

Oh, it's so funny. They're just talking shit about Australia. It's so funny. It's like there used to be a lockdown. They like it because they could just get drunk in their backyard. People in Australia are like, how dare you? How dare he? But here's the thing, man.

They've had nine deaths since last October. Their lockdowns are fucking preposterous. And that's what happens when you take guns away from people. Take guns away from the citizens. They took all their guns in the 90s. American comedian jokes Australians love lockdowns because they're lazy descendants of criminals who don't want to work and restrictions aren't that bad because they just want to get

hammered in their backyards. I love it. I love it. Every time that they take him seriously and they print it in like a newspaper or an article. Look at this. Dylan has a point. As opinion polls consistently show overwhelming support for lockdown-happy premieres like Western Australia's Mark McGowan, even Daniel Andrews, at the heart of Victoria's five-month

outbreak last year, approved of his ultra-harsh stage four lockdown. It's fucking dumb. Yeah. So dumb. So they're back to lockdown in Australia. They're not just lockdown. They're crazy lockdown. Oh.

My buddy Michael Chiavello, who's from there, he lives there. Okay. He told me that every time he goes there, he has a 14-day quarantine. That's easy. Because he does, yeah, very similar. But Chiavello does a lot of traveling because he works for 1FC. He's the 1FC color commentator. He does my job for 1FC.

For 1FC, okay. Well, he actually is like the play-by-play guy. Okay. But either way, point being, he's a commentator for 1FC color commentator. He does my job for 1FC. Well, he actually is like the play-by-play guy. Okay. But either way, point being, he's a commentator for 1FC, and he's gone back and forth there so many times that he has to – every time he goes – I think he told me he spent like some insane amount of time over the last year and a half just quarantining. Why go back?

Well, he has to. It's his job. His kids and stuff. His kids got a wife. Yeah. That's the tricky thing. It's like, yeah, you know, like every time Izzy fights, it's so funny to watch his Instagram after

because he's just locked in a hotel room with these other MMA guys going absolutely nuts. Yeah. And you see it happen. Well, it doesn't make sense. Like this 14-day shit. Like why 14 days? Yeah, we work after 10, right? Bro, it should be a few. Like this 14-day shit. Like why 14 days? Yeah, we work after 10, right?

Bro, it should be a few. They should just test you. Yeah. They should test you. Are you negative? How are you feeling? Get out of here. Test you five days later.

Are you negative? How are you feeling? Yeah. Feeling good? Looking good? Yeah. Did you work out today? Yeah.

How do you feel? After five days, like what the fuck are we doing? Yeah. You know? I have a question. What's the Lambda variant? That's a good question. I don't know.

Have you learned about that yet? The fear is that it doesn't, the vaccines don't work on it at all. Yeah, that's what I've heard. Uh-oh. Yeah. That's no bueno. Well, it's a respiratory virus. I'm going to have to sell this watch, Joe.

You'll be fine. You'll be fine. No. Yeah, because I keep hearing this thing about the Lambda. Let me tell you something about my buddy who got COVID. Yeah. He got on the monoclonal antibodies. Okay.

And he said literally the first day he started feeling a little shitty. He said, man, oh, I hope I don't have it. He got tested. Found out he has COVID. There's places in Austin where you can go to get monoclonal antibodies. Okay. Killed it. The day he got tested, he found out he got the monoclonal antibodies, never had another

symptom. Huh. Yeah. Amazing. Huh. But he's a young guy. He's like 30-ish. Yeah.

He's in his 30s. Real fit. Works out a lot. That's the tricky thing about COVID is like, I feel like it's like the opposite of crypto. And that like, how do I phrase this? Like, you know how like our risk tolerance is greater when there's like a really great reward. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Like all my friends were like having money in crypto i don't know anything about investing like i'm a fucking baboon when it comes to money like i'm like scrooge mcduck like i just put it in a fucking bank i don't know what happens with it i'm bad with it but they were making all this money in crypto and i was like well this is worth investing because there's 10x return 100 100x return, 1000x. I will risk the money because there's a massive potential return. Right. And I literally, I did it like the day before the shit collapsed. I put too much money in.

And then it collapsed. Literally, the week I put money in. I had this guy, Anthony Pompliano, on the fucking podcast. He's the big Bitcoin guy, just jerking off Bitcoin all the time. He's actually entertaining. He's a sweet guy. But he's a piece of shit. He lost me a lot of money. But he's a sweet guy. I like him. Is it his fault, you think? Or your time. It's actually entertaining. He's a sweet guy. But he's a piece of shit. He lost me a lot of money.

But he's a sweet guy. I like him. Is it his fault, you think? Or your fault? It's my fault. I'm a fucking idiot. I got greedy. Also because you went on the podcast

and talked about it, so it probably jacked the price up. I brought him on the pod. And then people were like, now's the time to sell right after your pod. I fucking caused it. I caused the crypto dip. Because it probably went up to a good height.

Oh, shoot. I think crypto gets to a certain height and people are like, yeah, now. And then boom, it crashes. That's the thing I was thinking about crypto. Well, I'll make this risk tolerance thing, but then I'm curious about it. So it's like, there's such a high reward. Like, even with you, like all the shit you do. Like, you're always like, I'm a Mexican science experiment.

You always say that shit to me, right? And it's like, because there's high reward. You can do all these things. You don't know if they're fucking FDA approved approved but the reward that comes with them is huge right right you could live forever i don't know i think the tricky thing for people with the vaccine is like i think most people are not afraid of covet so they're like it's only risk you see what i'm saying like like before when i got the shit it was reward it was like wait we can't go out to eat but if i get this i get to go out to eat i get to be normal i get to

not wear the mask like oh that's reward that's worth the risk i get to have a life again right but these motherfuckers gave people their lives and now they're saying take this and it's like where's the reward you're saying i take it and I still might be able to get it? Like, if you want us to risk, you've got to give us big upside. And I feel like it works with crypto because there's potential big upside. But the vaccine, you've got to convince motherfuckers there's something. And unfortunately, it's not enough upside to go, you'll help your neighbor. You know what I mean?

Like, that's not enough for us. Yeah, but if you're still able to catch it and you're still able to transmit it that's what there's no fucking upside it's confusing but do you see what I'm saying like I think and I think that's the trepidation for a lot of people especially the ones who haven't taken it yet it's just like I don't see why this is beneficial but I do see why it's potentially risky have you known anybody that had a bad side effect? From the virus? Vaccine.

Oh, the vaccine? No, not a single person. Really? No. Interesting. Why, have you? Oh, yeah. Oh, really?

Mm-hmm. I don't know. What happened? Heart attacks. Turned gay? That's a positive side effect in my book, you piece of shit. I never said it was bad. Yeah, you did.

Did I? You said. Didn't you hear him? Oh, I thought you said hard side effect. Dude, what if you just turned gay until the antibodies wear off? Fine. Three months. Three months of gay, dude. Eddie Bravo and I were joking around about that once. Like, imagine

if that was like a side effect of an MMA fight. If you got KO'd, you were gay. You were gay until you got it back. There's some rubber guard. I'll show you something flexible, Eddie. Imagine if sexuality was something that you could literally beat into somebody. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, sexuality, no.

But imagine it was. That would put higher stakes on a fight Yeah Oh yeah Dude super You get knocked out And you're just Or your wife would be like

I can't fucking believe you're gay Like baby listen I'm gonna get knocked out again It's only like six months I'm gay for six months This is how we solve everything Can you imagine Dude you do six months

Six months gay Six months gay. Six months gay. Or it can be punishments and stuff like that. If you're gay and you commit a crime, six months straight, bro. Yeah. You're fucking pussy for six months, dude. No. Tell that to your husband.

That doesn't make any sense. I'm saying you actually become gay or straight. But just for the punishment, just for the time. We were talking outside about, I had this conversation with a guy where I was saying, imagine if gender dysphoria could be cured with a pill. Do you think people would take it and not be trans? He goes, no, they would think of it as genocide. Just from everything I've heard from trans people, I don't know because what I've heard from them is

this is the best solution they have for the problem. Right? They're like, I feel like I'm in the wrong body. There's not some shit to fix that. Yeah. So I got to get the right body because that's the best fix. Right. Right?

So if there's a pill that fixes it, you don't think they're taking it? Well, the pill would make them be comfortable with the gender of their birth. Yeah. Maybe they wouldn't because maybe in their mind like they should be a woman if the pill lets them be comfortable being a man maybe they wouldn't like it that's what he was saying but jesse was saying it was like they would think of it as genocide like you're killing off all the transgender people by creating this medical solution. Bro, that's literally like the plot line for one of the Marvel movies for X-Men. Literally, X-Men.

Really? Yeah. But yeah, that's one of the plot lines. Remember the movie, I forget which one it was, where there was a guy who was curing the mutants and he was going around and he was like shooting them with serum and then they lose their mutant powers. That's right. I thought there was a gay thing in there.

No, they're not turning Wolverine gay. Have you seen Suicide Squad? No. Good. It's fucking great. Really? The new one. That guy James Gunn.

The new one's way better than the last one. James Gunn is a beast. It's really good. Who directed the first one? I don't think James Gunn. Snyder? Who was the first one? The first one was kind of whack.

Was it Snyder? No? It was kind of whack. Was it Snyder? No? It was kind of whack? I didn't watch it. The first one was kind of whack. I didn't watch it. But the second one's legit. But the fucking new one is amazing. That guy is talented, bro. I think he's the guy that did Guardians of the Galaxy. Exactly. And he got canceled. Yes. Because he had a

bunch of tweets about like... Jokes. Pedophile jokes. Yeah. Like from 10 years ago but they collected all of them that's the thing like if you collect everything over a decade and put it all together on like one image it looks wild yeah but if you space it out with everything else you tweeted but they eventually rehired him because motherfucker was undeniable he went and played for the ops i think he did a dc movie and then they're like and it was nice so they were like okay hold on hold on hold on we're not allowed is that what he did he did a DC movie. And then they're like, and it was nice. So they were like, okay, hold up, hold up, hold up.

We're not allowed. Is that what he did? He did a DC movie? What movie was that? You got to talk in front of that microphone. I don't have the full info. Yo, Jamie, you used to know shit,

dog. I thought he was a professional. You got that Pfizer? Yo, you got that Pfizer, Jamie? No, he's got natural immunity, bro. Oh, he's got natural immunity? Strong natural immunity. I got that Ohio blood.

Actually, Suicide Squad is a DC movie. That's what it was. Yeah, because he's got natural immunity? Strong natural immunity. Really? Got that Ohio blood. Actually, Suicide Squad is a DC movie. That's what it was. Yes. Because he's O? Jamie? Yeah. You're O-H?

You're O-H? I'm telling you, bro. I'm telling you. North Korea can't be worse than Ohio, man. I'm being dead serious, dog. You haven't been to Ohio lately. I go to Ohio all the time. How often do you go to Ohio?

Once or twice a year. Okay. It's been two years, though. It's been two years, dog. You haven't been to Ohio lately. I go to Ohio all the time. How often do you go to Ohio? Once or twice a year. Okay. It's been two years, though. It's been two years, Joe. The wilds got worse. Listen, bro. What happened? It's been two years, dude.

What happened there? If you think guys are running around in thongs and shit with knives out here in Austin, see what's happening in Ohio, bro. The guy with the thong seems like he's just having a good time. He's probably in a band. He was having a great time. Well, you were in Cleveland. That's different.

I wasn't. I like Cleveland. No, Cleveland good time. He's probably in a band. He was having a great time. Well, you were in Cleveland. That's different. I wasn't. I like Cleveland. No, Cleveland's fine. Cleveland's great. You know the craziest place that I went to in America? St. Louis. Yeah? That was the first time that I saw poverty in America that I didn't know that we had. I was like blown away. I was

baffled. I was on my way to the airport and I just saw a neighborhood and I was like, if you make it out of this neighborhood, that is the greatest accomplishment that a human being could possibly do. I mean, no, like the guy who was driving me used to own a Domino's in the neighborhood, got shot four times because they were just robbing a fucking Domino's. So the neighborhood is so dangerous. It can't support commerce.

And when there's no commerce, there's no jobs. So there's nothing. The gas stations were closed. It was sunday church wasn't open things boarded up i mean it was unbelievable the level of poverty and i was just like oh okay okay things are going on here things are going on here that are like uh it's just incredible incredibly different how do you fix that bro you can't if it's so dangerous yeah like the delivery guys were getting shot all the fucking time like if you can't put money into it like if there's no opportunity there's no place where a kid can work when he's 16 you know or a kid can get a job when

he finishes high school how do you fix that did you see that all the cops in chicago turned their back on the mayor? Lightfoot? Lori Lightfoot? How is she not Native American, bro? That name would be fire. Right? Lori Lightfoot? Right.

Dude. That's a good point. I think. I think she's going to go with that. She could be in one of them superhero movies. As some crazy Native American superhero character. Yes. Right?

I like that. Yeah. Okay, but what happened? So the cop said nah? Well, you know, a female cop who just gave birth like two months ago. She's just got off maternity leave. She got gunned down. And Lori Lightfoot gave some terrible, terrible speech about it.

What'd she say? Terrible statement. Like very unsupportive. Find a statement. it was disgusting it was like uh we've got a problem with uh with gun violence and uh you know we also have a problem with the police but we have a problem with gun violence like it was very dismissive of this lady who got gunned down in cold blood you see that video there's a video this last week or two weeks ago of uh there was some sort of a fender bender. People got in an argument.

They pulled this guy out of the car and they shot him and the wife in the face, like right in front of everybody. Where is this? On the street in Chicago. Bro, Chicago's wild. Chicago's wild. Wild right now. And now it's starting to kind of creep into where the white folks live.

Oh, really? And now all of a sudden it's a problem. Oh, is it? People are getting shot on, what's that main street in Chicago? The Loop or something like that. The Western Loop or whatever it is. That's when there's real problems. People getting shot in the Loop?

You like to move those things around, don't you? Yeah, always. It makes a lot of noise. Why? Does it bother people? It does. They get upset. Oh, you do that thing where you mute it.

You mute it? No, you press a button over here when you're coughing and shit. It's just like you have a tick. Yeah. You're like, why not walk in? I don't like sitting still, bro. You know what I mean? I don't like sitting still, dog.

I don't like it, dude. I do it for a living. You sit down, you like to cross your legs and move around. Dude, I get excited. I'm having fucking black rifle coffee. You decide to give me this. There's a lot of caffeine in this. 300 milligrams. I was chilling. I'm having fucking black rifle coffee. Like, you decide to give me this. There's a lot of caffeine in this. 300 milligrams.

I was chilling. I was relaxed. These are veterans. They don't give a fuck. They don't. They're wild people. Yeah. 300 milligrams.

They're like, let's go. Yeah. What's this guy's name again? Evan Hafer. Evan. Yeah. Okay. That's wild.

Okay. Well, what were we saying? COVID's not real, I think you said. Yeah, COVID. You were saying COVID's not real? No, no, no. You said that. It makes you gay. It makes you not real, I think you said. Yeah, COVID. You were saying COVID's not real. No, no, no. You said that. It makes you gay.

It makes you gay. COVID does make you gay, though. A hundred percent, dude. You're shoving things in different parts of your body you never thought you would. COVID will get you poked up, bro. So you're in town for, you're doing San Antonio. What are you doing? No, I'm doing Dallas and Houston there.

Dallas and Houston? Yeah. What are you doing down there? Which clubs? I and Houston. Dallas and Houston? Yeah. What are you doing down there? Which clubs? I'm doing the Toyota Music Factory in Dallas. Nice. And the Bayou Music Center in Houston. Oh, those are good spots.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are good spots. I've done both of those. Yeah. I did the Bayou. It's a great spot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think I was talking to them. They said they saw you do a show there. It was fucking crazy. It's fucking fun, man. Yeah, I'm excited, man. Houston's fun. But Dallas is fun, too. Yeah. I love it here, man. I think I was talking to them. They said they saw you do a show there. It was fucking crazy. It's fucking fun, man. Yeah, I'm excited, man. Houston's fun. But Dallas is fun, too. Yeah.

I love it here, man. Texas is the shit. Yeah. I found my spot. You think so? Mm-hmm. I'm not sold on Austin. You don't have to be.

There's plenty of people here. Come visit occasionally. No, no. I'm shooting a special here. Yeah. I wasn't going to do it in LA, but I just couldn't trust that they would keep the shit open. I have a show there September 11th. Canceled.

At the Forum. I have no idea if it's going to happen or not. You just can't risk it. They force everybody to take the jab before they get in there. Yeah. Which makes no sense. Yeah. Like what New York is doing.

You have to be vaccinated. Yeah. Okay, but you're still spreading it. Yeah. Like, talk to Timmy. Yeah, I know. Poor fucking guy. Vaccinated and sick.

Yeah. I know 13 people now. He's number 13. 13 people. Vaccinated and got it. I read this article with, like, we have no idea how leaky these vaccines are, meaning how many people who get vaccinated still catch it. Well, let me give you some data.

What if, like, but Timmy's a bigger guy. Yes, that's why it scares me. Okay. Because I know a lot of people that were small that got it. Okay, that's the thing. So you're small, in shape. What if the lambda comes through? What if that lambda comes through?

Let's find out if that is the case. Is that supposedly true that it doesn't? You know, one thing, here's interesting. A bunch of people I was around got the COVID, and I didn't, but I did have a day where I was feeling kind of weird. And you bullied it out of you. I worked out and I was like, something feels odd. So I just got like a light sweat. I've done this twice now, but this time afterwards, I got blood work done like a week or so afterwards. And my level of monocytes was elevated. What's that?

That's, it indicates you fought off a viral infection. So you. So I had it at the door and the bouncer's like, not today, bitch. Not today. And you think that's the peptides? I think it's a lot of things. Peptides, I'm sure, help. I think testosterone replacement therapy helps. I think staying physically fit.

Are you on TRT? Oh, yes. I got to get on this shit. I talked staying physically fit. Oh, yes. I got to get on this shit. I talked to you about this on the podcast. You were like, we're going to get on it. Lambda is mutations that are concerning, but this variant remains quite rare in the U.S. despite being around for several months.

Yeah, well, these people sneaking in at the border. They're just letting them in. It's difficult to know for certain how transmissible lambda is and how well the vaccines work. So far, it seems the Lambda is more transmissible than the original. Where is it from? Can we ask that? Or is that wrong?

Lambda. It's from Lambda. It's from Lambda. It's definitely from the land of Lambda. Peru? Where is it? Peru. Peru?

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There you go. Yeah. I don't know,. There you go. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know.

What is the deal with people that go through the border? Yeah. Because I was watching this video where someone was showing me a line of family members that were in cars waiting to pick up people that were released from detainment centers after they had crossed the border illegally. Asylum. In America.

Yeah. Is it all people that receive asylum? If they're saying they're seeking asylum and I guess maybe they could prove that they are. How many people are allowed to come through that have asylum and do they test those people? I have no clue. Yeah. I bet they don't. They don't.

So you think that Lambda is coming through the border? I think if you get enough people coming through the border and you don't test them, it just makes sense that some of those people are probably sick with all kinds of stuff. That's kind of interesting because I think in order to come into America, you need to have a COVID test, a negative COVID test. If you're coming from Europe, you need to have negative COVID tests. If you're coming legally. So if you're coming illegally, you don't think that they test them in any way?

I don't think they do. I mean, that's ridiculous. Let's find out. Jamie? It is ridiculous. Yeah. But I remember watching a politician talk about, it might have been our governor, Greg Abbott. He might have been talking about it.

Man, wheels. If they're coming illegally, how would they test them? Well, they do have them in detainment centers. They get scooped. But they gotta test them in there because... I don't think they do. I mean, that'd be crazy. Let's ask. Do they test illegal immigrants when they

capture them and put them in detainment centers? Capture's a bad word, right? It is, but it is a bad word, but it's more fun. But if they have to be a fugitive to be captured, these people are just folks trying to get a better life. That is true. That is true. But if you were going to go out that day, do you want to detain folks trying to get a better life or capture people? Like if that was your job and you were getting psyched up?

Capture. Capture. Because it makes you feel like you're doing a good thing. Babe, I got to go. I got to go capture some guys. You're not a piece of shit. It's just trying to stop folks from having a better life. The Tacoma Processing Center does test people.

The Tacoma, Washington? I just typed in. That's the fucking. That's way up north, Doug. That's Washington State. Yeah, that's Canadians. They're catching Canadians. I understand that.

Canadians don't even have COVID. Yeah, they can't get it. But the border just opened there also. In Tacoma? No, the northern border just opened. Tacoma and Idaho. Right, the northern border. They. Tacoma and Idaho. Right. Oh yeah, they've had Canada locked down. The border that people are concerned about...

The last thing they're concerned about is Canadians coming to America. I know, but don't people come in through the Canadian border when it was open? They go to Mexico? Or Mexicans, I've heard, go up to Canada and come down through the northern border. They probably did in the past, but I believe it's very difficult to even fly into Canada up until... Yeah, these people don't have the money to fly.

They're not doing international flights. Yeah, they're walking through a river, Jamie. I just typed in testing at a detainment center, and that's the first story that popped up. I find you so offensive. All right. You're insensitivity to these people and their plight. He goes straight to the whitest place in the world, Washington State. Disgusting, bro.

Tacoma's not a state. Really disgusting, dude. That comedy club out there is supposed to be really fun. It's great. I did it. I've only worked Tacoma once. I'm not a big fan of the Northwest. You're not? No. Portland, I think, might be the worst city on the planet.

I would blow up Portland. I'd gladly blow up Portland. Is it because of Antifa? No. I actually like them. Anybody doing destruction of Portland. I'd gladly blow up Portland. Is it because of Antifa? No. I actually like them. Anybody doing destruction of Portland, I support 100%. What bothers you so much about Portland? Just some fucking cunt in a restaurant was really mean to me. It was one lady. And then the rest of them are just soggy.

They're just like- They are soggy. White people need fucking religion or something. They need sun. They need sun. There's no sun. There's no check on them. There's no like- At least there's no sun in fucking Boston, but at least you got

like God looking down like, can you kind of be fucking decent? You know what I mean? Yeah, but there's plenty of sun in Boston in comparison to Seattle. Yeah, it's not that bad. I grew up there. They need some shit. They need some fucking shit because it's just like rude, depressed, like, and weirdly enough, the comedy crowds there are great because I think those are the people that are like, yeah, it sucks here.

Just make us laugh, please. Yeah. But like the average. Dude, I went into this fucking restaurant. It was me and the boys. And they didn't have any like seating. So I asked the lady behind the counter who worked there. I was like, hey, could you recommend another place for us to go eat?

You know, some seating or something like that. And she was, yeah, sure. Do you have a phone? And I go, yeah. I take out the phone. And she was, yeah, sure, do you have a phone? And I go, yeah, I take out the phone. She's like, Google it. Whoa. She's trying to be snarky.

I mean. That's a lack of vitamin D. That's what that is. Is that? Yeah. I mean, unbelievable you could treat another human like that. Yeah. Right?

I'm just asking you. I'm just asking for a favor. And it was just like, yeah, just fucking everybody. A lot of people think it's okay to be a cunt. Yeah, it just asking for a favor and it was just like yeah just fucking everybody like it's okay to be a cunt yeah it's not okay no it was just rude and i had no comeback to her i was super nice hey could you recommend i'm in your city you know you come to new york i want you to have a good time you know i'm gonna i'm gonna say i'm gonna be a good ambassador of the city yeah set up a reservation for you somewhere tell you where to get a good slice of pizza you know right can you recommend it look it up on your phone just google it that's what she said wow and i was so caught off guard

i had no comeback i just fucking slumped and walked out like a bitch and i think i didn't like that about myself yeah oh so now you hate portland i yeah it's probably a decent place it's like if you get beat up somewhere in high school you never want to go back never want to go back yeah but i will go back and just trash it. Yeah, it'll be fun. Do you ever work there? Yeah, I was working there. But do you ever go back since then? I will. And you're going to fuck with them?

Oh, yeah. It's going to be fun. Their mayor is the most useless mayor of all time. What's the deal? He's hilarious. He was supporting Antifa. Oh, he started trashing us off. And he would go on the street with them, and he would go march with them. And then they started tear gassing his house and fucking lighten his apartment building on fire he had to move and then finally now he turned the other way and he's like turn

these people in turn them into the cops i'm like bitch you defunded the cops yeah like you were on their side stupid yeah he's like super progressive and they're like not progressive enough we want your resignation yeah because you can't these people are not being reasonable. There's not a discussion to be had They want to burn to the ground thing. They're losers. That's the thing They don't get is like people think they won't change. They don't change they want to complain people like complaining There's a lot of value people have had no success in their life. Yeah ever yeah, so they see Structures they see courthouses. they see the mayor's apartment building. They want to burn it all to the ground.

They're all these dumpy losers that look like bowling pins with hats on. They're gross people. Yes. And they want to light everything on fire. This is how I felt. Yeah. The whole time I was there.

Yeah. Keep going. This is great. Like horrible posture. Nobody there has good posture. I had a buddy of mine, this is a funny story, who moved there and he was teaching jujitsu he was running uh 10th planet portland and uh i went there to do a show and i go how do you like it here and he goes dude i fucking love it

i go really i go the rain doesn't bother you he goes no he goes not at all man i fucking love it i really enjoyed here man he goes the people are really cool everything's really green i think it's a great trade-off i'm like wow interesting you know hang out with him at my show then i see him a year and a half later in la and i go what are you doing here man he goes i couldn't take it anymore the fucking rain was killing me i go you son of a bitch i go you were selling it you were selling it because you were trying to sell yourself yeah so you're trying to suck me into it. That drives me nuts. Because when I tell somebody I like something, I've considered it deeply. Like if I tell someone I love Austin, I fucking love this place.

You love it. I'm not lying. You love it. I've never felt more at home. Really? I slip right in like a glove. Snap. Okay.

Perfect. Love it here. Restaurants are amazing. People are friendly. Great comedy. You. Perfect. Love it here. Restaurants are amazing. People are friendly. Great comedy. You can do everything you want here. Plenty of jiu-jitsu. Tidy up a little. It could be tidied up a little bit. Every place could be tidied up a little today. This one could be a little bit more tidied up.

How about you, New Yorker? New York is clean, bro. New York is clean, bro. Yeah, well, they got rid of all the tents in front of the courthouses out here today, or a couple days ago. All down Cesar Chavez. They cleaned all the tents. Tidying up. They're putting those tents in front of the courthouses out here today, or a couple days ago. That's what I'm talking about. All down Cesar Chavez. They cleaned all the tents. Tidying up. They're putting those folks in hotels.

Yeah. The mayor is actually implementing plans. I like this. He's actually trying to make... He said that's his number one prerogative in the next year and a half that he's in office, is to clean up the homeless problem. He goes, there's like 2,000, 3,000 homeless people. He goes, that's workable. He goes, when it gets to where L.A. is, L.A. is fucked.

Why so many here? I don't understand it. They all come here? It's a good spot. It's a good place to be. There's other places in Texas. You can beg. They're progressive.

This is a progressive city. Okay. Very open-minded city. Yeah, because. They're kind. Yeah, yeah. You know? Not a bad place to be homeless.

Yeah, yeah. What a bad place to be homeless. Yeah, yeah. What's going on here? I found a group, vera.org, that says they're studying the testing at ICE detention centers, and they're not doing a lot, apparently. Of course. But they're not sharing the information. They're not sharing what they're doing. I'd rather...

Let me rephrase that. They're not sharing what they're doing. Of course, because there's so many people that are positive. I guarantee you. Well, that's... Yeah, the first test they did, almost half the people they tested were- So they did one test. In May of 2020, ICE reported having tested 2,781 people in its custody with 1,461 positive tests at just 60 of more than 200 facilities.

So they're letting in- So Greg Abbott, the governor, the great governor of the state of Texas was correct they're letting in thousands and thousands of people who are positive with COVID now are they holding them there until they're negative no by day 60, 20% of the

people will have contracted it so if they didn't have it, they're gonna get it and even if you're negative when you get it day one, you're gonna get it because you're connected to all these people they're shoved into these rooms they're trying to stop people from filming it that's a great argument they're trying to stop them from filming it yeah like ted cruz was down there they said you can't film this and he goes you can't just tell me what i can and can't film yeah but the biden administration doesn't want to be connected to holding kids in cages the way the Trump administration was.

But the Trump administration at least let people go down there and film it and complain about it. Whereas the Biden administration is like, well, we don't see it. We don't see it. It's not happening. They won't let you film it. Who do you think is making the decisions in the Biden administration? Some fucking masked marvel that lives in the basement. It's the bankers. It's not Biden. It's the lives in the basement like it's it's the the

bankers it's the it's not by special interest no it's not 106 percent of americans vaccinated we're 380 billion people he's out of his mind i love it when he says numbers because i know it's amazing anytime there's numbers i my ears perk up like go for it go for it go for it all two billion americans have been vaccinated we We're like, let's go. He said more than 106% of Americans have been vaccinated. That's not even possible. I love it. I love it. Let's go.

He's so lost. People go, well, you have to understand, he stutters. No! It's so clear. It's so clear. You guys are so full of shit. You're so partisan. It's so clear. You guys are so full of shit. You're so partisan. You're so pro-Democrat.

You wanted Trump out so bad, you voted a man on death's door. He's got one foot on a skateboard and one on a banana peel. He's a fucking corpse. What does he say? Unvaccinated. So we have to get more people vaccinated. Go from the beginning, Jimmy. Of the unvaccinated.

So we have to get more people vaccinated. I said well over, what's the number again? I remind myself 350 million Americans have already been vaccinated. They're doing fine. Please report the past week we've seen of the un... Talk to Tim Dillon, bro. Do you remember when he said

he was talking about like... Light him up. I had a little drink of tequila, actually. Let's do it. I actually brought some for you. You brought tequila? It's your birthday, bro. Let's do it. I actually brought some for you. Oh, you brought tequila? It's your birthday, bro. Let's drink out of these cups.

Let's do it. Dude, I got cigars with my face on them. Pow. Oh, I want a Joe Rogan cigar. I'll get you a box. Please. I'll get you a box. Actually, that'd be great.

These are from Foundation Cigars. Shout out to them. Okay. Okay. Okay, man. Chuka tequila? You're a tequila guy? Yeah, if I can just fucking open it. No, I like tequila, man. Here, I'll snip that one for you. You can take that one. Oh, thank you, man. Chuka tequila? You're a tequila guy? Yeah, if I can just fucking open it.

No, I like tequila, man. Here, I'll snip that one for you. You can take that one. Oh, thank you, dude. Switch? Yeah. Which one? No, you get to snip that one.

Thank you. Are you off the weed? What kind of tequila you got? Am I off the weed? What am I, a communist? No. You fucking want me to be miserable? Bro, this is Sundays.

I love these fucking guys. Oh, okay. I met this guy at waco oh did you really i was surfing with him oh that's the work yeah yeah and they gave me uh here try that and they gave me um i'm cheating on ron ron white oh it's all good ron number one it smells good i like a very plain bottle dude it's plain yeah i love it simple branding simple i always tell him i was like i feel like I'm walking down a random beach after a long night of partying. You know that scene in a movie

where it's just one guy with his shirt unbuttoned and there's just a glass bottle, old school style. Pour yourself some of that. Gang. Okay. Cheers, my brother. Cheers, brother. Okay. To Italy. To Italy. Hmm. Okay. We Italy. To Italy.

Okay. We lighten these up? Yeah. Tequila is always tequila. Yep. You know? How do I do this? Oh, okay.

That's it. Now, why did you do the cut in like that? Why did you do the Pac-Man thing? Oh, it's just like this one that does it. This thing, it's built in. I like it that way. I feel like you get more. You get a better pull. You know?

That's good. There we go. That's a good fucking cigar, right? That's a nice cigar. Now, I'll be honest. I'm a complete fraud. I don't know anything about cigars, but I know very little. I know what I like, but I don't know shit about.

I've talked to people, and they try to explain to me the blends. It's a Connecticut leaf on the wrapper. I know it. It tastes good. Why is it that Cuban cigars are like the elite cigars? It's a type of soil. There's soil in this one particular area, but a lot of the Cubans that used to grow in this one particular area, they left and they went to Dominican Republic and they went

to Nicaragua. And there are some people, I don't know enough to tell you if this is true. There's some people that swear that what the mystique of Cuba, you know, there's still cigars that are amazing that come from Cuba, he said, but they're just as good from Nicaragua and from Dominican Republic. But it's just the idea of like getting something you can't get. You know? Yeah.

It's like, you know's like there's wealthy Chinese people that want to drink rhino horn tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a thing. Like, we have rhino horn. Please come into my study and drink rhino horn. And I was like, wow, we are gangsters. We are fucking capitalists.

We're pillaging. We're out here eating endangered species. I like how you did an English accent. We have rhino horns. Yeah. Well, I was going to do a Chinese accent, but I panicked. What, a Chinese accent?

Well, like, why are there certain accents that you're allowed to do? Well, how come you can say Englishman, but you can't say Chinaman? Why can't you say Chinaman? Because it's bad. No, if he's a man from China, he's a Chinaman.

He's an Irishman. He's an Irishman? No problem at all. No Irish people get offended. Yes, yes. Say China, he's a Chinaman. He's an Irishman. He's an Irishman? No problem at all. No Irish people get offended. Yes, yes. Say, look at that fucking Chinaman. Yeah. Whoa.

You say, look at that fucking Irishman. You're like, yeah, look at him. Look at him go. I always thought that way about like tranny. Mm-hmm. Because we say tranny for transmission.

Mm-hmm. Right? So it's like, I don't understand why it's a bad word. Cabbie, cab driver. Cabbie, cab driver. It's just shortened. Yeah, I don't think it should be hateful. You Cabby, cab driver. Cabby, cab driver. It's just shortened.

Yeah, I don't think it should be hateful. The idea is that you need to treat it with respect. But here's the thing about all those things. But the accent, explain the accent thing to me. Why can I make fun of an Italian? Why can I do- You can do Chinese. I can do Jamaican.

You can do Jamaican, yeah. And that's a different race. Right, but you can't do black, like black American. You can't do because- Kind of racist. Yeah, because it's implying all black people talk like that. Are you implying all Jamaicans talk like that? All Jamaicans have a Jamaican accent.

Yeah, man. I don't know if it's like that. Jamaican accent is universally okay for even white people. White people can do it. You can do it. I think that you can do Mexican still. I think you can do Mexican accent still. Yeah, you can still do it.

But Asian, for whatever reason, has become racist. Yeah. Indian, I think, is borderline. Like, you can kind of do it, but it's like getting there. I think if you like wobble your head, it's bad. What about fucking, they pulled it off of The Simpsons. What? Apu.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. And my Indian friends tell me that they think that's ridiculous. Like, that he was actually a really- Positive character. Positive character. He owned a business. Like, my boy Akash, I do the podcast with. You know Akash. And he was like, really- Positive character. Positive character. He owned a business. My boy Akash, I do a podcast with,

you know Akash, and he was like, yeah, it's absurd. I finally saw someone who looked like me. That's the thing. Stop doing this shit for people that don't ask for it. Yeah, exactly.

White people are trying to be fucking good people and these different groups are not asking for it. It's like, I think that's the best. You know how they say, you need diversity in the boardroom or whatever like that. Only so white people stop being

so fucking white about it. Right. But here's the problem. If you need diversity in the boardroom or whatever like that. Only so white people stop being so fucking white about it. Right. But here's the problem. If you get diversity in the boardroom, everybody's looking to move up. And unscrupulous people would recognize the fear and the opportunity. And they'll take advantage of it and say, I'm offended. I think there should be more diversity on this board. I think there should be more representation. Why is there not more representation at the elite levels

of executive? And then all of a sudden they get a promotion. And then they find themselves complaining their way to the top. You can kill your way to the top. There's a lot of that. In corporate world today, in a lot of corporate worlds today, they have to address diversity. Because they're busy polluting rivers in Ecuador. They got to distract you. It's like, look at all the lesbians we hired. It's so true.

It's so true. Dude, it's a smokescreen. It's a full smokescreen. It's a smokescreen. Do you think Halliburton with a fucking rainbow flag, do you think they give a fuck? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Just paint the missiles rainbow?

Yes. Well, it's not gay weddings we're blowing up. It's just straight patriarchal weddings. We're using rainbow missiles in Yemen because those people have traditionally been anti-homosexual. Confetti when it hits. Dude, can we talk about how when you get an invite to a Yemeni wedding, you got to love that person. Right. You got to be safe.

No, no. You got to want to go. You're not a plus one at a Yemeni wedding. Right. You got to want to go. Like, you're not a plus one at a Yemeni wedding. Right. Like.

Well, I think the problem is driving to the wedding party, too. Because there's always a convoy of, like, off-road vehicles. And then, like, why take a chance? Do you think that they were part of that? Because they were like, I just don't want to invite everybody to the wedding. Like, well, mama, can you just blow up a few of these? And then, like, now I don't have to invite my second cousins and shit? Because, like, I'm planning a wedding now.

Oh, my God. And the list is tough. It keeps going up. My girl's stressing me. And, you know, I don't have the luxury that many people have where they get to just say, you probably don't want to come. It might blow up. Right, right.

I see what you're saying. Yeah. Dude, do you know that, like, the number of people that were killed just during the Obama administration that were innocent by drones- He was the GOAT. Yeah. Drone strike GOAT, dude. I think Trump might have- Steph Curry with it.

Trump might have got close. You think? I think he did. But was it weddings, though? It was everything. I mean, like- They just blow shit up, man. They don't give a fuck.

It's indiscriminate bombing. It's this weird bombing where they're like- Do you know a lot of it is done on metadata so let's say if your cell phone okay like if your cell phone is in a room okay and i know schultz is in that fucking room let's launch missiles into that room like they don't even you don't you could have left your phone on a table in a building you don't have to be there and you leave out the back door like you could leave like little decoy phones and they know that you've been using that phone and we still blow up the whole building so they'll leave

it in a school they'll they do some of that stuff on purpose why don't they do with their enemies why don't you put a phone at somebody's like if some guy's marrying your childhood crush like put your fucking cell phone with them they do kaboom i bet people have done that but what they have done is done it with schools and hospitals, where they've left metadata in schools and hospitals so that they could use them as martyrs. And they could say, look, this is one way you can get people. They'll recruit people to the Taliban or to ISIS. The Yemeni people are interesting.

They own the bodegas in Brooklyn a lot. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And they are some tough motherfuckers. They have to be. You do not fuck with Yemen. Because they're kind of hood with it, too. They came to America, and the culture they experienced was like Brooklyn hood culture, right?

So it's like, and they open it anywhere. Brownsville, it doesn't matter. They will go into wildest neighborhoods, that shit up and not give a fuck so I do you remember Prince Nassim Hamed of course was he Yemenite

yeah there was another guy that fought out of New York I'm forgetting his fucking name I'm pretty sure he fought recently he fought Kodo oh

do you remember that kid um I'm forgetting his name but I didn't know Nassim Hamed was I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure

he's from Yemen what a legend that guy was, man. What a fucking talent. What a fucking... And what a style. Yeah. The dancing, the hands low, and he would leap at you with fucking flying uppercuts

and take your head off. Yeah, yeah. And then he got exposed as he started to fight the more technical guys. I think Barrera was the first guy that really... Yeah, Barrera fucked him up. But he was so brilliant, and he's the reason why these 135-pound guys

can make millions. Without him? He's born to Yemeni parents, but he's not from there. Yeah, he's from England, but still culturally. Yeah. But he was so brilliant, man.

I remember I would always watch boxing with my pops. My dad was, I mean, he was a big boxing fan, but he would go to cover boxing. He used to work for NBC back in the day, and producing news, and he would go to Ali's camp and shit, and he'd go to cover boxing. He used to work for NBC back in the day. Oh. And producing news. And he would go to Ali's camp and shit. And he'd go to all these camps. So he was a big boxing fan.

And I remember watching fights with him. We'd watch Hamed. He fought. Who did he fight? He fought Barrera. Was that when? Kevin Kelly. I remember the Kelly fight at Madison Square Garden.

He finished Kelly. And Kevin Kelly was nice. He had that style where he would kind of shake his gloves. Southpaw. Kevin was the first guy to give him real problems. Yeah. He clipped him. Yeah.

But he was just so athletic. Nah, man. He could crack. Yeah. God, he could crack. Yeah. He had crazy power. And it was all from the legs, man.

His legs were like tree trunks. Yeah. He comes like... Pacquiao has a lot of that. He's got tree trunks. What do you think about has a lot of that. He's got tree trunks. What do you think about that? The fucking Errol Spence fight. I know.

Here he is. Look at him. Look at this shit, man. He was so fun to watch, man. He was so fun to watch. He had those crazy leopard skin pants. He kisses biceps. Yeah.

I mean, look at this. I mean, the thing is, too, the guy would knock everybody the fuck out, and he didn't look like a KO artist if you looked at his body. But look at his style. Look at that. The leaping in with the punches. I mean, it's wild shit, man. That's the thing that's super rare about him and also rare about Pacquiao.

It's like usually guys that bounce in and out like that can't crack. Yeah. But he was the wildest, man. Look at the dancing and everything. He was so fun to watch, man. Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah, it's interesting's interesting boxing's in an interesting place it is it's an interesting place i like what i like what logan and jake are doing i'm very bummed out at this uh pacquiao fight well he's

fighting who's he's gonna fight ugas but yeah the spence thing so he really fun to watch pacquiao fight yeah of course it'll still be fun but you want to see him go up against that young blood. And Errol Spence is a fucking monster, bro. He's very, very good. He is great. Did you see that Ferrari crash that he was in? Bro, that was unbelievable. Wild.

No seatbelt saved him. That's right. No seatbelt saved him. He got launched out of the car. That's right. It's better for some reason if you get launched out. Depends on where your head lands. That's true. But yeah better for some reason if you get launched out. Depends on where your head lands. That's true.

But yeah, I've heard this before. They also said this, sometimes the drunk people end up living. Because they're so relaxed. Yeah. Yeah. So no seatbelt and be drunk. You watch the video of the crash? Yeah, the crash is wild.

This is it? Yeah, watch this. Ay-yi-yi. Yeah, so he just fell off. That looks like blood, doesn't it? Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Watch that again.

Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, I mean, unreal. So I guess he has a detached retina, they're saying. Yeah, I wonder what it's from. You think it's from this? Sparring, probably. I think he got clipped sparring. First of all, how do you get a 458 or 488, Ferrari 488?

How do you not learn how to drive when you have one of those? How about learn how to drive, bro? Have you bought anything new car-wise? Oh, yeah. Talk to me. Oh, yeah. Talk to me. I have a Gunther Works Porsche.

It's all carbon fiber, 1995 993 with a 450 horsepower engine. It's super light because it's all carbon fiber. The most agro car I've ever had. It's wild. It's a wild car. It's all air-cooled, and there's no sound deadening in it at all. Yeah. So it's like...

I love it. It's wild. A wild car. That's it right there. That's my car. I spiraled when I was in Miami and I bought a, look at that thing. Yeah, that's beautiful.

Gaze. Yeah. The wide body. The hips. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

I just stare at it sometimes. Like for hours. Yeah, it's gorgeous. I'll sit down in my garage and just stare at it. Yeah. No, it's gorgeous. I just stare at it sometimes. Like for hours. Yeah, it's gorgeous. I'll sit down in my garage and just stare at it. Yeah. No, that's beautiful. Yeah, when I was in Miami, I started looking at these old speedsters. Oh, yeah.

Gunther Wurst is doing a new speedster. Can I see? Oh, yeah. They just did the first one. What year, though? 993. It's 1990s. I think the last of the 993s was, like, 95 or 96.

Okay. Okay. So, but it's a completely. I'm talking about, like, 57, 58, 59. Look at that. Look at that sign. Yeah. Look at that sign.

It's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. How dare you just call it beautiful? It's a beautiful car. Click on that. Let me get some other angles of that, bitch. There you go.

Look at that. Look at that. God damn, that's beautiful. That's a wild looking beast. All carbon fiber too. The thing about these things is, look, my Tesla is faster than all these things.

All these things. It's different. That's tactile. That thing, you feel everything. You feel, you like, you can place the wheels. Tesla's like a Honda Accord. No, no, no. It is.

It's a rocket ship. It looks like a Honda Accord. Have you driven one? Yes. When would you drive? Which one? Not the biggest four-door. Three?

I guess it was a three. My boy Alex has one. Okay. And we actually drove to Boston and slept on the way because he did this thing where I don't even know if you should, but like you can hang something off of the steering wheel because you need to show that you have like- Oh, good job. If someone walks in front of the car, then they die.

Well, if you're on the highway, ideally you're not walking unless we're in fucking Austin and a guy in a thong is running around with a knife on a fucking highway. Unless someone is trying to escape from the ice. In Boston. They don't want to get tested. Exactly. Those big camps in Boston where they're keeping all the fucking porches. They got't want to get tested. Exactly. Those big camps in Boston. Keeping all the fucking porches. They got him in a coma.

But yeah, it was just like, it's nice, but it's also a Honda Accord. So you guys both went to sleep, for real? All three of us, yeah, we went to sleep. And the car just drove itself. It just drove itself, yeah. Dangerous. Yeah. Yeah, dangerous.

But cool. I like the self-driving thing. But if you don't have the self-driving, it's a Honda Accord. That one. Well, I have the S. The S is pretty sweet. It is. Really comfortable.

Very nice and smooth inside and very minimalist. I love it. Like, that's a car. The Porsche's a car. That's a ride. It also doesn't have that fast one, though. The Tesla is a- I remember being in it, too.

You're missing something. Am I? Yeah, 100%. He's got the X. Oh, okay. He's got the X,, though. The Tesla. I remember being in it, too. You're missing something. Am I? Yeah, 100%. He's got the X. He's got the X, which is like a spaceship. Okay. Jamie's got the X. He's got the gullwing doors.

They pop up. Ah. But is that one what's a little bubbly? His doesn't go as... You're missing out on the whole fast part. Immediate torque. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And meanwhile, the new one, the plaid, buries mine.

The plaid makes mine look slow. That's the one with the steering wheel that shifts the sides? What a brilliant idea. How has nobody done that before? Well, they have, but it's only been like Formula Racing cars. I love it. And maybe a few like Paganis or some shit like that, some crazy exotic. That's another thing I got into.

1.9 seconds, 0 to 60. That's great. You know what that is? That's a roller coaster. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. It makes my car, which is preposterous, seem slow as fuck. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess for me, it's just the way it looks. I started looking at all these old vintage cars. I was looking at the old Jags and shit. I could see you in an old Jag with one of them long noses. Yeah, the XKEs. With the wire wheels. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The wire spoke wheels. They're so classy, dude. I bought a fucking, well, I bought a replica Speedster. You did? They're building it for me right now. Look at you. Now we're talking. Speedster what?

Which year? 1958. Oh, Porsche? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. So that's a, what is that, a 356? Is that what they are?

What is that? 356, yeah. Yeah, that model is, that's a beautiful car. It's stunning. It's the most beautiful car I've ever seen. Who's making that? Vintage Speedsters. The guys there in Arizona.

And it's a replica. I'm not paying half a million dollars for a fucking, I'm not Seinfeld here. Right. Like, this is, but I just, it was the most beautiful car I've ever seen. And I'm not, like, super attached to super attached to the culture of cars just yet. But I'm like, this is so fucking stunning. You're gonna. You're wearing an AP watch.

We're moving there. We're moving there. You know what I mean? We're moving there. Things are going well. Look at this. That's a Testarossa. Yeah, that's a crazy car.

What's up, virgins? Yeah. Did you drive a Testarossa around? No, that was the Alexanders out there in Miami. Let me take theirs around for this video we were doing. But this was so funny. So that car right there, this is how powerful. It's a 12-cylinder, right?

That car, you don't need to put the gas. You don't even need to press the gas when you throw it in first gear. You just need to take off the torque. Or take off the brake. Sorry, sorry, clutch. Yeah, yeah. I know nothing about cars. I grew up with a Metro car.

Oh, so it's a stick shift. Yeah, of course. Thank God the new ones aren't. Really? They don't make them anymore. Not even with the paddles? Nope. Well, so it's a stick shift. Yeah, of course. Thank God the new ones aren't. Really? They don't make them anymore. Not even with the paddles? No. Well, that's not a stick shift, son.

That's a paddle. That's an automatic. A real car, you put your left foot in, you put your right hand, put that fucking car in gear, and you go like a man. What about those F1 cars? Are those not real ones? Listen, they're race cars, but if you want the tactile experience of driving, like fucking ... Shifting yourself is where it's at.

Ferrari stopped that. Porsche's the only exotic car manufacturer that still allows you to buy a manual transmission. Will you race them? Take them to a track? Not really race them, but just go. The Track of the Americas? What is it called here? Circuit of the Americas here?

Yeah. Tommy Segura took his car out there. Did he? Yeah. He said it's awesome. They teach classes. You can learn how to drift. A buddy of mine was out there learning how to drift. I got really into that F1 during the pandemic. I watched that drive to survive. I got really into that F1 during the pandemic. I watched that drive to survive.

You watch that shit? Those cars are moving fast. Yeah. But also like the culture behind it. Like they're all fucking kids. They're so competitive. Yeah. They're psychos. They're psychos, dude.

Yeah. They're psychos. It's awesome. Did you see the documentary Senna? Yeah. About Ayrton Senna? Yeah. It's amazing.

Yeah. I mean, it was just crazy. It's also so crazy that like, it's so unfair. It's like baseball. like there's one team That's the Yankees. Mm-hmm, you know and then the other teams they just can't compete like Williams can't compete So if they get like ninth place, they're going crazy the guys crying, right? Yeah, cuz you finally get points against first top ten teams get like points or top ten Positions the number one team it was Mercedes, but now Red Bull is fighting

For it and Red Bull is not obviously a car maker. They make sports drinks, like energy drinks, but they just have so much fucking money and they're just dumping into this. We're talking about hundreds of millions of dollars to make a car. And it's all branding. And Mercedes did it for years. So it's worth it for advertising. If you watch that Red Bull car.

I guess. Have you ever seen the difference between a GT car and an f1 car going around the same circuit now It's so striking the car because a GT car is like a 911 gt3 right a fast fucking car But the comparison between one of those going around a circuit and there's a video if you google GT car versus F1 car comparison, but is it top speed that's the difference? No, watch. Watch the left.

That's GT car. Watch the right. That's a Formula car. Look at the difference. Oy yi yi. See that? Watch this. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you get used to that. Yeah. No, I need to go try that shit. That is wild shit, man. I mean, you have to be fucking wild. What do you think those guys are on? You think they're taking amphetamines?

Adderall? Have to be. Wouldn't you? I would. I don't want to die. Are you on Adderall? No. I've never tried it.

Really? No. Best drug I've ever had. Really? Yeah. I never did it until I went to Burning Man, and I fucking loved it. And I did it just to stay up. I was like, let me just be efficient.

But it was amazing. Like, in a good mood. Let me be efficient. You want to talk to people. I'm at Burning Man. Let me be efficient. I'm at Burning Man. Let me be efficient. I want to spend. I want the whole time.

I want to see the sunrise. I want to see the sunset. You know, I'm going to have to. What a fucking funny statement. I'm here at Burning Man. I want to be efficient. I want to do things, Joe. I don't like sitting around.

I don't like doing nothing. Okay? I want to be out here. I want to be making shit happen. Do you ever do comedy on Adderall? No. I don't even drink. Really?

I don't know. I never drank before I go on stage I never did I ain't drank for years and and I'm glad I didn't I don't like any crotch I want like feel the nerves I'm like feel anxiety I want like fucking feel some shit man like this was weird thing we were talking about it's like commies is the coolest thing where it's maybe I hate making the analogies with like fighting but this one might make sense but like If I'm super stressed out with everything else going on in life. I can't wait to be on stage Because it requires all of my cognitive ability

Yes so I don't think about all the other fuck shit that I got and I wonder if like Fighting is kind of similar to that like you you don't have time to worry about bills. You don't have time to worry about flights or these other things when you're in the middle of a fight or when you're doing comedy or when you're surfing. That was also the same thing. It's like, I gotta be ready. Is that a fucking shark?

Is there a set coming in? For a lot of people, though, personal problems, they get in the way of comedy and they definitely get in the way of fighting. Like guys who have bad girlfriends. Like I remember there's this one guy and his girl and he was like an elite fighter and his girl used to always start fights with him and fuck with him right before fights because she got jealous that he was getting all this attention and that he was putting all his attention on the fight and was ignoring her so she would act up and flirt with

other guys and he would get mad and she would storm up and flirt with other guys, and he would get mad, and she would storm off, and like, I'm going out. I need to clear my head. You're a fucking asshole. You're ignoring me. And he would go, what the fuck? I got a big fight coming up. And she would leave and start fights.

Who is she? She would not answer. We can't say? No. Okay. But it's not one. There's many of them. It's a type of gal.

It's a type. But some fighters pick the type of lady that is really attracted to the idea of getting attention because she's a fighter's girlfriend. So it's not just that they like the guy, but they like the guy because she's now a fighter's girlfriend and it gives her extra juice. Yeah. now a fighter's girlfriend and it gives her like extra juice yeah but those gals they're the worst when the guy loses because they'll they'll get on the guy like what the fuck was that like that kind of shit like what are you doing like you got to take your fucking training seriously

i got knocked the fuck out it's a part of the sport i knock guys out sometimes i get knocked out you're swinging fucking hammers at each other yeah you don't know what you're talking about you're fucked with my head i got i've seen all that yeah i've seen guys in bad relationships and how their fucking career starts to and sometimes they have babies with these chicks forget it and then they're fucked it's over oh yeah we were talking about that yesterday but like because you said you're like i really love that you don't post your your girl like my fiance, right and And people I don't know how they probably say this with you, too. They're like It like it's your choice. They can't fathom that our ladies don't care about the fucking attention

Right, they just can't fathom right that they might not want to go through like the cruelty and scrutiny of the internet Well, I not even trying to be famous those girls get mad if they don't post them bro they get mad like as if that's the way you show love by sharing you with a bunch of strangers on the internet they look to see how many likes they got and then they look to see how many new followers they got on their account yeah that's a problem he posted them that's a problem they just, they want, it's a weird world today. Yeah, yeah. Where so many people want attention. Yeah, I'm so fucking lucky in that regard. Like, she just does not want it.

It's beautiful. At all. That's beautiful. And she said it really interesting. She's like, I'm not trying to be famous, so I don't want to deal with the fuck shit that you have to deal with because you're a public figure. Right. Like, they can make fun of your nose, right? You know what I mean? Say whatever the fuck you that you have to deal with because you're a public figure. They can make fun of your nose, right?

You know what I mean? Say whatever the fuck you want about my nose, say whatever the fuck you want about my fucking hair, whatever it is, but I'm using this and leveraging this to do shows and to do other things. She's getting her masters. She doesn't need you to comment on her fucking body. So I think that's the smart decision.

Why take that on? Well, you know that thing opposites attract like sometimes they don't but sometimes they do like sometimes it works so you get one person who's like this loud extrovert and then the person who compliments them is calm and controlled and doesn't need any attention at all and it's just cool just reading a book yeah Sometimes you're better off with that kind of balance and that they can appreciate that you're different than them. But I think

the big thing in relationships is like that one person doesn't try to control the other person. You let that person be who the fuck they are. The worst relationships that I've ever seen is when someone gets involved with the person and they look at them like a project. I'm gonna fix you. I'm gonna change be who the fuck they are. The worst relationships that I've ever seen is when someone gets involved with a person and they look at them like a project.

I'm gonna fix you. I'm gonna change the way he dresses. Yeah. Like once one lady, one of my wife's friends, said about me, you let him wear those fanny packs? Let him. Let him. I wanna talk to your fucking husband.

Let him. My friend got a gift from his girl, and it was like those cards. You know, like, this is good. You turn this in. This is good for a back rub. This is good for this. And one of the cards said, this is good for a morning surfing session. And I'm like, you can't decide if you want to go surfing?

Yeah, what is that? Why do I have to ask you permission to go surf? But, you know, it's like, here's a blowjob, here's whatever, and you get to put it in. But the idea that you couldn't just decide if you want to surf that morning. Yeah. It's a little bit, yeah. But I don't know. I don't know.

How did you set that up? Like, how do you set up with, no, no, with your wife? No, my wife is natural. Our, like, vibe together is 100% natural. Okay, when do you spend time together? All the time. Today after I get out of here. Okay, so you guys will go.

We'll go on a dinner for my birthday. Of course, for your birthday. We do a lot of, that's a big one because we have children. We do date nights. I have date nights. Tuesday night is date night. I love them. Can't do it. I sit down, we have a glass of because we have children. We do date nights. I have date nights. Tuesday night is date night. I love them. Can't do it.

I love them. I sit down. We have a glass of wine. The best. We eat dinner together. We talk and laugh. It makes you closer. It's nice.

Phone goes off. Yeah, because we don't travel without the kids really very much. Occasionally, I'll do like a Vegas. I'll take her with me to Vegas for the UFC, but that's like one night. I'll fly in Saturday morning. We'll hang out. We'll go to dinner. We'll go to the fights, and that's like one night. I'll fly in Saturday morning, we'll hang out, we'll go to dinner, we'll go to the fights,

and then she'll come back with me. But it's like, you gotta enjoy each other's company. And sometimes people don't after a while, and then they stay together, and then they can't wait to get to the golf course. Just let me get the fuck away, let me get away. Sometimes I feel like there's certain activities that are built around getting away from your wife.

Like golf, I think, is getting away from your wife. Ice fishing. Right? I'm going to say. No woman. No woman wants to do that. She's not going to go. We're just inventing activities to get away from our fucking wives.

Bro, she's going to follow me on a golf course. Where's the pond? Is it frozen over? Yeah. Oh, that's hysterical. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? A fantasy football draft.

Like, I don't need to be with my boys for a digital event. Dungeons and Dragons. Make it so nerdy that no girl wants to be. They won't come! They're not even playing Dungeons and Dragons. They're just hanging out drinking Bud Lights. That's hysterical. Yeah. What other activities are we doing just to get some free time?

Well, some women like hunting, which is really interesting. One of the things I found out about elk hunting, some guys go hunting with their wives. Yeah. Their wives actually enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if my, yeah, maybe my- I don't think a lot of chicks out there ice fishing.

I'm sure there's some, but I think ice fishing might be the one. Because girls golf. Like a buddy of mine and his wife, they golf together. But I think that's one of the reasons why guys like to do the business deal thing on the golf course. You know? We're doing business on the golf course. Sorry, babe. There's no way you can come. Yeah.

This is business. Do you let your wife come into your shows? Yeah, sure. If you're working out shit in the city. If she wants to. Yeah. But she generally, she likes to come to shows. But generally, like, I don't have to, there's not like a let.

Like, whatever she wants to do. Whatever you want to do. I like her. No, I know you like her. I love her. I mean, I should say I love her. She got mad. But I enjoy hanging out with her.

You know what I'm saying? Like, she's fun. Yeah. We have a good time. I guess there's certain things like i don't know like if i'm working stuff out i kind of like to just be in my i don't even like my friends coming to shows if i'm working right right i know what you're saying yeah like workout spots yeah that's different you know there's a there's a weird thing we're in you

need to be in your head before you go up to and look at your notes you can't be a drink i'm not taking care of her and i think there's a part of me still which is like, I like impressing her. Like, this is so stupid. I know what you're saying. I'm fucking 37 years old, but sometimes I'll be doing a set and I'll look over and I'll see if she's laughing. Right. And I think I like that because I'm like, I want to impress her still.

I want her to find me funny or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm looking at this like, I've achieved a lot of really cool stuff in my life and there's still this one person in the crowd that I look over, and if she's smiling at the joke, and I feel corny even fucking saying this, but if she's smiling at the joke, I'm like, eh. But it's not corny. It's normal.

But it is true. I don't know. It's normal. She's dope. It's normal. But that's the key. You found someone that you really enjoy being with, and sometimes people don't. They settle or they get accustomed to, like,

these fucking tumultuous relationships where you're constantly fighting. Yeah. That'll fucking ruin anything you're trying to do, man. You're trying to create things. Yeah. You're trying to do a sport, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, I couldn't.

I think my parents had such a good relationship that it, like, almost ruined me because that was the expectation. Like you know when your parents are fighting all the time and shit, you're like, oh as long as I'm just getting there. If I'm fighting a little less than my parents, then this must be a good relationship. I had a chick I dated in the past and her and her father,

or her parents rather, her father and her mother used to fight physically. They used to hit each other and uh that was the first girl that ever took a swing at me what yeah we were in the middle of oh italian this is the last one i dated this is a culture last one i dated it was a culture they grabbed the face they kiss they did when you hear your family she took a fucking swing at me I saw it coming really

I couldn't believe it while it was coming this is when I was fighting too close this it didn't matter I saw her hand come back whatever was happening it was not going to get to me in time

I was like is this really going down I saw the hand moving towards me I was like what what now what did you say I clinched Really going down. I saw the hand moving towards me. I was like, what? What? Now, what did you say?

I clinched. No, no. What did you say to make her slap the shit out of you? Probably deserved it. I was 21. I was stupid as fuck. But it wasn't even, it was like I'd never had someone take a swing at me before. Yeah.

It was wild. Yeah, you got to check that kick, bro. Yeah. Because if you check the kick and then just leg snaps, Connor style, that's not on you. You're defending yourself. Good luck proving that in court. She's got a broken leg and she's screaming. Yeah.

Yeah. I have a friend whose girl scratched herself up and then said to the cops that he attacked her. No. Yeah. She scratched herself up. She started scratching herself up and he's like, what the fuck are you doing? How do you get out of it? I don't remember.

I don't remember. I don't remember what happened. You've heard about those NBA players, not players but like the chicks who will take the roofie before they fuck? Oh God. They'll take it themselves. Now it's in their system.

Oh, God. Then they go, this guy raped me. Well, there are for sure bad people out there, male and female. Of course. There are men who roofie women. Of course. I've had multiple friends who someone drops something in their drink. Really?

At clubs, yeah, yeah. Where they're like, something's wrong. Their friends rescue them, and they get home. They don't remember what the fuck happened. They're like, somebody put something in your drink. I've had multiple friends tell me this happened. But the world of like the NBA world where they're like, you know, these guys are making fucking preposterous amounts of money. And they have diamond-crusted watches.

And they're driving on Lamborghinis and there are predators. There are girls that realize, if I can get that guy to knock me up, I have guaranteed income. I have guaranteed large amounts of money. And it's a real concern. And also the other stuff,

like false accusations. You would think that's not real, but there's some people that are willing to do that. So it's like all this believe all women shit like some women steal UPS packages off your porch. Don't believe them Yeah, okay. Some women are in jail for murder. Some women are in jail for for thievery and fucking all kinds of things and Colleen Maxwell you don't believe her. Yeah, she's child trafficking. Yeah being a piece of shit doesn't have a gender Exactly, and there's some women I think that know how to work successful dudes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, stroke their ego. Yeah. Yeah, maybe they go to see you and laugh at everything. Like you look over and she's like, oh, my God, Andrew, you're so funny. Yeah. While she's pulling her idea out. She's trying to get knocked up. Be right there, babe.

She's in there with the tongs. She's trying to get knocked up. Be right there, babe. She's in there with the tongs. She's like. For sure. Yeah, it's crazy. Do you know any guy that's got set up like that before where a girl said she can't get pregnant? Don't worry. Don't worry. I can't get pregnant.

I know guys from like the league. I have some friends that work in the NBA and they've told me like there's, you know, there's specific people that they have to talk to to like investigate these things. Because it comes to the team first. Oh really? Yeah. So like, they'll go to the team and they'll be like, listen, I have a situation, this girl's saying that,

you know, I got her pregnant or this girl's saying a different thing. Oh, so the team knows how to handle it because it's so common? Of course. I mean, you're talking about billion dollar industries. Like, you're crazy if you don't think billion dollar industries have fixers.

Like, there's so much money. You sign sign like there's a team of people i imagine yeah that make sure that they're girls that aren't saying that they're fucking these very famous dudes they're on these teams because either all of them are faithful right what did you say yeah exactly okay yeah or they're getting some pussy and then people are staying quiet you know like they're All of them are faithful, right? What did you say? Yeah, exactly. You okay? Yeah. Or they're getting some pussy and then people are staying quiet. I mean, sometimes I'm baffled at how certain people can manage the side chicks. I don't think Drake has had one scandal, but we know he's fucked so many girls. Right, but he's single's single he's single but at

the same time like there's not a single girl that's like i need something there's not a single girl that's like yo like i i could say that you stop calling me i could say you're a piece of shit not no girl ever says anything bad about this guy so he's probably a good guy or he knows how you know how to make an exit interesting or. Interesting. Or he's being very, I mean, he looks like a very strategic dude. Like maybe he's picking people and going, okay, this girl knows what time it is.

She doesn't look like a fucking psychopath. I think a lot of dudes when they first start getting pussy, and this is the problem with entertainment, is a lot of fucking losers in this shit and they first start getting some pussy once they get famous. Like if you didn't get pussy before you're famous,

you're going to be in some shit. It's, if you didn't get pussy before you're famous, you're going to be in some shit. It's not possible. If you got pussy before you're famous, then pussy is not this, like, crazy thing for you. And I think that, like, some of those guys have never got any pussy, and then they start getting it. I think they resent women a little bit because of it. Right, because now you like me.

Oh, now you like me. Where were you when I was in high school, and I was a fucking loser getting stuffed into lockers? And now you don't even believe they like you because why would you no girl like you before right so now you have that little bit of resentment you have the massive insecurity because oh what happened if i fall off they're gonna stop liking me whereas if you got pussy first you're like oh no i know how to get laid like i know how to be charming i could go into a bar and maybe strike a conversation we got some shit in common okay we go hook up or do something

but that's a different level of insecurity and that's why you see these fucking scumbags man you know there's a lot of weird shit man like even with all this like have you seen all these fucking like little like child actors that end up doing like the fucking pedophile shit or like they what is it that guy um the fuck is that guy drake bell or some shit like that like what's that there's this guy if he was from this show drake and josh or something like that he What's that? There's this guy. He was from this show, Drake and Josh or something like that. He just got caught up sending pictures or something. This happened recently. And there's been multiple people.

And I'm starting to wonder. I'm like, does something happen to you being in fucking Hollywood at a young age? Like, are you? You know how like. I think if you get caught in the wrong circles, that's a hundred percent real There's so it can be isn't there a documentary about it called an open secret What's this? Isn't that an open secret? Isn't that that's what it is, right? I think an open secret is about child predators in in Hollywood, but about people that prey on what if kids

What if they're not preying on them sexually? What if they're just so abusive to them emotionally? You have a fucking nine-year-old. You're like, you need to work 12 hours a day. You need to, well, you're not skinny enough. Hey, you're gaining too much weight. And you're going through all this fucked up weird trauma from adults. You just stop trusting anyone.

I know a guy who was in a movie at a young age, and it was a big movie. And in the movie, there was a very emotional scene where his father was supposed to die and so before the scene the guy who plays his father started treating him like shit come on saying mean things to him and abused him and before that was like real tight with him no was abusing him and saying horrible shit to him saying that no one likes him was like and so then the scene starts and this kid is like weeping and crying horrible shit to him saying that no one likes him was like and so then the scene starts and this kid Is like weeping and crying and they make him go through at the scene

No, see that's the type of shit and you know that happens You know that happens when they're six they wanted to do that to get the best performance out of the kid But the problem was this kid had this like sort of like mentor relationship with his older actor And then the older actor is shitting on him of like mentor relationship with his older actor and then the older actor is shitting on him just to make him feel terrible when he goes into the scene and they can't decipher like the difference between that shit he was seven yeah i mean even that hayley joe osmond you know what i mean i mean he seems kind of all right now but like he'll the guy from the fucking ghost movie whatever six cents oh yeah he's he probably still believes in ghosts. He's six years old.

Probably back then. You're a kid. You don't know what you believe in, what you don't believe in. I believe in Power Rangers. You can believe in anything. And you're telling this kid? You know, he's like a professor at a community college now. Well, I mean, do you see how far you go away from entertainment?

Someone told me that. It's rare these motherfuckers are in it when they're kids and they choose to stay in it. Right. Right? Like something happened. Something has happened to them. I'm not saying they're all getting diddled, but something has happened. Like what you were describing, like that type of emotional fucking abuse. And I know there's systems in play and-

Which one, someone that was a child actor that's a professor at a community college now, and someone was telling me about it and I was like you know what's interesting is like we think we think it's sad but we wouldn't think it's sad if we just knew a guy was a professor at a community college yeah I'd be like oh that's a normal job I don't think it's sad no I just think something happens to them Joe I think it's like well here's what happens to them you're not supposed to get famous when you're a kid mmm there's no way you're gonna to develop normally. It's impossible. You're going through, look, I've interviewed a few childhood stars and they're all fucked up.

Really? They're doing their best to get through it. And a lot of them are like, like Miley Cyrus is a really cool person. Yeah. Demi Lovato, very cool person. I enjoy talking to them. But it's undeniable that that process of being massively famous at a young age fucks your developmental cycle up. Yeah.

Because you've got to learn how to deal with people when you're anonymous. You're just a person. Yeah. You don't want them to treat you like you're something special for no fucking reason. Yeah, because you don't have to earn that treatment. Right. Like being kind to a human being, like helping somebody else. You earn that connection.

Right. Now you don't have to earn it anymore. You also learn that, oh, if I make people feel good, they feel good, and then I feel good, and that develops a real friendship, and then you can call on that person, and you have real genuine love with them, and you develop this understanding of human relationships. Yeah. But if you're always the fucking Mac Daddy when you're seven years old and you're the guy on the set,

what is this? Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah. He began his career and that's right. And now he is, he's a professor at a college.

Yeah, I mean, the kid is three years old and they're like- That must have been a fuck. You're in a hotel, it's full with blood and people are trying to kill you. At three years old.

And Kubrick, who was a- A weirdo already. Fucking crazy person. Yeah, yeah was a weird already fucking crazy person Massive genius crazy person yeah, we used to do complex mathematics in the spare time that was his little Side hobby super smart. I wonder what that shit cuz I see all these like I See a lot of these like celebs right now like they're like come out is non-binary I think is the term i might be getting this wrong

jimmy lovato did that and they wrote an article was hilarious it was after she was on my podcast all of a sudden she's a they and it's like and she said in the article sometimes they misgender themselves again go to libs of tiktok that that page that i showed you on twitter it's the best it's like the most nonsensical fucking cuckoo talk. But the non-binary shit, my boy Mark was saying this. He was like, it's the least investment to be different. Right. It's the least investment to get like woke points.

Because at least back in the day when you came out as gay, like you had to suck some dicks, man. Or you had to fuck guys or something like that. You had to prove it. You had to do something. Non-binary is just like, hey guys, I'm part of the community, so you can't say anything bad about me. Right.

But I will do absolutely nothing. Right. And guess what? You don't call me she. You know my name. I'm fucking famous. It's the least amount of work to get all the victim points. Like, you just say, I'm non-binary.

And what does it mean? You don't change your life at all? Yeah. I don't know. My gender is male or female. Sometimes I like watching baseball. You know, sometimes I like non-binary. And what does it mean? You don't change your life at all? Yeah. I don't know. My gender is male or female. Sometimes I like watching baseball. Sometimes I like fingering myself. Whatever it is.

And the gender changes constantly. Constantly. But there's no investment. So I'm just looking at this shit and I'm just like, yo, are you doing this because you actually feel non-binary? Are you doing this because it's the most convenient way to get some woke points? Like, how are you? That's it. It's also very, very self-ind woke points. Like how are you? That's it. It's also very, very self-indulgent.

Very self-indulgent. You're acquiring massive amounts of attention. The whole world has to change the way that they refer to you, and you have to change nothing. There was a girl on the libs of TikTok that had beads, different color beads that she would wear that indicated

which gender she identified with and how she's feeling because she her gender changed multiple times per day it's like a mood ring where the beads different color beads to let everybody know where she's at I almost feel like it's like people have like social anxiety and they're just trying to create that for other people well I think it's the culture of today's – the climate today with social media where people indulge this kind of nonsense. So when normal kids would just pretend that they're psychic,

now these kids are pretending that they're a million different genders in one day. Yeah. Yeah. It's wild. I don't fucking know. How are they going to get through this? I don't know, man. i don't fucking how are they how are they going to get through this i don't know man i i don't usually capitalism like takes a takes its course but i think douglas murray who's a brilliant guy who's a english dude right the english guy who's uh he's very interesting

because he's conservative but he's also gay and he fucks people up in debates with logic and reason and he's a brilliant writer and he wrote Madness of crowds which is a great book about it, but one of the things he said when we're doing a podcast together He said at the end of every Empire gender becomes a big subject and the transitioning of genders and that the dissolving of traditional gender roles becomes a big part of the end of genders, and that the dissolving of traditional gender roles becomes a big part of the end of every empire. Whether it's the Romans or the Greeks, they become obsessed with gender.

And I'm like, why do you think that is? I don't know if he had an answer, but people that, they think that maybe it's like life is too easy, so they try to look for things to nitpick on or, or what if we're pushing comfort? Like with luxury comes comfort. Right.

And like, all right, maybe there are some people that are confused about this kind of stuff. I don't know what the fuck it is. I can't tell you cause I don't have it, but like we're just trying to make as many people comfortable as possible. Right. We got really comfortable mattresses,

sofas. We have, you know, sort of mental illness awareness. We're trying to make as many people feel comfortable in society as we can. And then it pushes towards gender. And maybe people feel more comfortable identifying as one or the other, whatever it is. So, but I think it's just a function of luxury. Like, I don't think there's fucking trans bathrooms in a refugee camp. Right. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, it's just, it's too much going on for you to even focus on that. You're trying to survive.

Like, is there a trans community in North Korea? No, but there was a trans community with Native Americans that were the plains tribes. And I think Indians, too.

Don't they have, like, India Indians? Yeah, India Indians. Hmm. I think there's, like, a specific people, like, you actually can't be, if they come up

and ask you for money, like, you gotta do it. It's just bad luck if you don't do it or something like that. A lot of Thais, ladyboys in Thailand is always best. They're the best. Which is amazing, right? Better looking than the chicks. Really?

When I was over there, because they put fucking effort in. I wasn't drunk. I didn't take any down, but I went around. Look, I was in Singapore. There's like a mall. Shane Smith from Vice, one of the episodes that he did. Well, this is when Vice was wild. How much did Vice change, bro?

Vice got fucking neutered, dude. They gender switched. Vice is super woke now. They got bought out. Yeah, they got bought out. They got bought out, and then they went super woke. What is this? There you go.

How do you say that? Hijira? H-I-J-R-A. Whoa, dude. Did you just do an Indian accent, dude? Hijira? Whoa, dude. H-I-J-R-A. Whoa, did you just do an Indian accent, dude? Hijira? Did you just do an Indian accent, bro? No, I didn't.

That is racist right there, bro. Really? Oh, my God. In the Indian subcontinent, Hijira are eunuchs, intersex people, and transgender people, also known as Aravani, Aruvani,ogpapa, or Chakakaka. Okay, that is their version of the libs of TikTok. They have the libs of TikTok out there. They have a bunch of different names for that.

But yeah, the Native Americans had it. Look, it's clearly a thing. Transgender people, it's clearly a real thing. And anybody that say it's not, it's existed throughout history. There's always been people like that. But what Douglas Murray, I think, was saying was that some of them aren't really that. They're just latching on to this need to get attention or to be special or to stand out. Community, too.

And to be a victim in a world where there's not that many victims anymore. You're not experiencing real adversity or real discrimination. So you create discrimination against yourself. And we will believe some things that aren't there. We're capable of doing that. For sure. QAnon. Psychics.

Psychics. Yeah, QAnon's just like conservative trannies. That's really all they are, right? It's just like, it's okay, I'll believe it. That's fine all they are, right? They're just like It's okay, I'll believe it That's fine Yeah I don't know It's wild

What happened to those boys? QAnon guys? Yeah, are they around still? They're all in fucking jails right now Waiting hearings Are they really? On January 6th Oh, dude

That was legendary I don't even blame them for that shit Because if you believe the shit they believe Like, what took you so long? Oh, they believe that People, it's all lizard They they believe, like, what took you so long? Oh, they believe that there's someone. People, it's all lizard. They're drinking, like, baby blood. Like, why did you wait until that day if you believe that that's what these politicians were doing?

If you really, truly believed it with all your heart. Or you're skeptical and you want to be part of a community and it was exciting and we all love learning about new, weird, wild shit. Right, right. It was exciting and we all love learning about new, weird, wild shit. Right. When we were with Duncan last night and Duncan was like, do you think that there's a black rock underneath Manhattan and that's why the aura? And I was like, yeah. Now that you said it, I believe it. Keep going. Tell me more about this.

That's all I care about. Duncan is the best. He's the best. Legend. I've just seen him on stage last night. Killing. Yeah. His skin looks incredible.

Yeah. He's healthy. Like really good. He's eating well. Yeah. He's eating well. Some lotions or anything? I don't know. Killing. Yeah. His skin looks incredible. Yeah, he's healthy. Like, really good. He's eating well. Yeah, he's eating well. Some lotions or anything? I don't know. I'll ask him.

Yeah, but it looked really good. But he's happy. He's married. He's got children now. He loves it. He's moving to Austin, too. I know. I know.

You're getting them all out of here. I need to have some kids, Joe. Yeah, then you'll want to move here. A couple years. Have your fucking babies wander around those assholes in New York. Dude, I was a baby

wandering around with assholes in New York. Dude, I was a baby wandering around with assholes in New York. Yeah, look what happened. Builds character, okay? This is what you need. You need to have kids in struggle. They need to see

fucked up shit, I believe. You're gonna have them running around a fucking yard over here? Yeah. You give me your kids, I'll take them to New York

for a couple weeks, okay? Yeah, give me your kids, I'll take them pig hunting. I would actually do that if it's from the helicopter. Let's go. Yeah. Let's go.

I think that's fine. I don't know. Maybe maybe i have a soft spot in my heart for new york but i just think that like no i do too i love new york but i don't want to live there i can understand why people don't want to live there and i can only live there because i'm like fucking bane like i grew up in it right so like all the things that you see on tv like the people mugging each other i was born here i was born in the darkness bro born in the darkness, bro. Born in the darkness. You're not going to fuck me up in New York. That's my city. These are my people.

Right. Like the tourists are going to get fucked up. Are you going to stay there forever? What if it keeps slipping? What if they hire someone worse than de Blasio next? Oh, I'll be in Los Angeles in a couple years for sure. Really? No, no.

How would you go there? I would go towards warmth. Unless Larry Elder wins. If Larry Elder goes, are you moving back? Well, he actually texted me that he said if if he becomes governor you're gonna want to come back to California I'm like maybe in ten years there's a reason why Cali especially like LA exists yeah the weather's amazing it was a show business hub but there's too many people bro it's a lot of people yeah I

don't need the same kind of conflict that you do, that kind of turmoil. But it's in the bits. Yeah. I see it. Yeah, but I got my own turmoil. It's already inside. Yeah, yeah. I like quiet.

I need quiet. I don't need these fucking dogs barking all day long in my head. I need quiet. I need to calm it down. You know? Yeah. I found my own mitigation methods which is strain, I have to exercise

I have to torture myself I have to get in an ice bath for 20 minutes I have to do fucked up shit to force my mind to overcome but my overcoming is like real struggle I don't need to be annoyed

with people that doesn't mean anything i don't like that i need like to be close to death either almost get strangled or almost get my fucking head kicked off or like i just that's my thing to like to find my peace i have to put myself into horrific scenarios. Yes. Whether it's self-imposed or otherwise. Yes. And the self-imposed ones are my favorites because I can choose to do it when I don't have to. Because I don't have to do that. I can just fucking lay back and eat Cheetos

for the rest of my life. Yeah. If I wanted to. If someone's punching you, you have to survive because they're going to knock your ass out. But if you're in a fucking ice bath, if you're running,

or if you're doing one of these like cardio exercises, it's like I'm deciding to tap out. Exactly. You decide if you're a bitch or not that day. Exactly. Yeah, there's a different type of euphoria that comes from that. Exactly.

Like I was working out in Miami with this guy, Jordan, the muscle doc. He's fucking great. I love him. I saw your hands, bro. Looking pretty good. Oh, thanks, man. Thanks, man.

I used to do a little boxing back in the day. You know what I mean? I can tell. I'm going to have to call out somebody. I'm calling out Ben Shapiro right now on this podcast. Wow. Does he get to keep the yarmulke on when he boxes? I'm going to pop it right off his fucking head. But if you're going to fight and you wear a yarmulke, do they let you keep it on?

Rubberband under the chin. It's like a cartoon, dude. One uppercut, the shit. Boop, boop. Who do we get to fight? Who do we get to fight? Who do we have celebrity fight? What about Chris Cuomo? Chris Cuomo's probably still got it.

Still got it? Yeah, he's in good shape. Still got what? He's in good shape. He's got some muscles. He's good for a couple minutes. Did you know he got busted using fake weights? No.

Yeah, I bought into it. I thought he was just really strong. That's how dumb I am. And then a bunch of people pointed out and then this guy, Derek from moreplatesmoredates.com I was watching a video of his today. I love that video. I love his channel, rather.

He pointed out there's no fucking way those are real weights because they said 100 pounds on them. They pick up a 100 pound weight like it's nothing. They're like 40 pound weights disguised as 100 pounds on them. They pick up a 100-pound weight like it's nothing. They're like 40-pound weights disguised as 100-pound weights, which is one of the dumbest things you can do. And try to pass off fake weights with all these internet sleuths. They have nothing but time. They think everything's fake.

So they examine everything. What is this? Fitness fighter, Andrew Schultz and Mathis Riley from the Chilla Vista Student everything. What is this? Fitness fighter Andrew Schultz and Mathis Riley from the Chilla Vista student organization. What is this? Schultz serendipitously landed punches to Riley's head. I had a fight in college. A real fight? I mean, it was in a ring.

There were some people there. Bringing the fight to a close. Shouts at Duke's Boxing, man. So what was this? Was it when you were in college? There's a thing that my university, I went to the University of California, Santa Barbara. They did a thing called they had a fight night and it was you the only time i've ever fought was in front of thousands of people and it was some frat kid would fight some kid from it was put on by this frat and what from the barrio honestly yeah so they would have guys who are actually in like boxing gyms would fight like a guy was in a frat oh i bet they loved

that it was amazing because the guys that would actually work out. Were you in a frat? No, no, I wasn't in a frat. I was just a right, but I was fighting this other guy who came in with no fucking shoes on. No shoes? Yeah, he didn't even start the fight when the bell rang. Like, I was in my corner. He just, like, came at me. Was it the homeless guy with the knife? It was the homeless guy with the knife. And that makes perfect sense. And listen, my bad. I'm sorry I had to embarrass you

in front of all those people. He had no shoes on? No, he had no shoes on. And we just had a fight. It was cool. So you boxed with no shoes on? I didn't box. No, he did. He boxed with no shoes on? No, he had no shoes on. And we just had a fight. It was cool. So he boxed with no shoes on? I didn't box. No, he did. He boxed with no shoes on? Yeah, I had the Roy Jones Jr. Jordans. Do you remember when Roy Jones had his own Jordans?

Y'all must have forgot. Y'all must have forgot. And it was cool, man. I had a fight. I had Roy in here, and there's one other thing I want to tell him. I never forgot. I never forgot. What did he say?

Oh, man, he loved it. He loves that I give him the props because I was a giant, and still am, a giant Roy Jones Jr. fan. Legend. Back in the day, man, when his fights were going on, you were just waiting to see how someone would survive. It wasn't whether or not they were going to beat Roy Jones. It's like, how are you going to survive?

How are you going to survive that speed? That athleticism. It's so funny. We had him on a podcast. Did goes uh did you yeah yeah yeah he's so he's really sweet like he's the most approachable guy yeah he's a great guy yeah he just and he goes i was like uh did you ever worry about losing something in the ring like did you ever worry about getting hit and then not walking out there the same and he goes i'll be honest with you Andrew I never walked in a ring with that much anyway and I just fucking burst out laughing like he was like I ain't

got that much sense it is what it is. Well you know it's sort of he's not quite being straight there because there was an issue with Gerald McClellan who was his rival Gerald McClellan at the time was a Kronk fighter and he was one of the elite of the elite. He was a fucking murderous puncher. And he had a fight with Nigel Benn, the famous fight where he fucked Nigel Benn up. Nigel Benn- British guy?

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. An animal, such a fucking warrior. Nigel Benn took all the punches in the first round. Kronk is a Detroit, Emmanuel Stewart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Nigel Benn got knocked out of the ring, out of the ring, lit up in the first round. Emmanuel Stewart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Nigel Benn got knocked out of the ring. Out of the ring. Like lit up in the first round.

It is a famous fight, but endured and kept going. And then Nigel Benn wound up starting to land on Gerald, because Gerald used to have a brutal weight cut to make 175 pounds. He used to torture himself. And then Nigel winds up catching Gerald McClellan and cracking him and then McClellan at one point in the fight takes a knee he takes a knee like a standing eight count and then but stays down for 10 round for the 10 count and everybody's like what is going on and then the announcers were like I can't believe he quit I can't believe he quit I mean it was it

was a really a crazy scene man the, this is the first round, right? Gerald McClellan, look at him on the right-hand side, a fucking monster, bro. A power puncher. I mean, Gerald McClellan fucked everybody up. Nice long arms. Oh, my God. He was such a puncher. And he was such a KO artist.

So Gerald McClellan takes the 10 count on his knee, and the announcers are like, what is going on here? We can't believe this is happening. I can't believe he's quitting. And then collapses. No. And then winds up having bleeding on the brain, and he's never the same again. He's still alive today, but he's blind.

He never fought again after this fight. This was it. And they fought it. And then they go further in the round. This is the end now. This was it. And they thought that... You go, like, further in the round, like, this is the end. Where Gerald McClellan is, he's still swinging, but Nigel Benn

is still there, man. And Nigel Benn was a, a really, really fucking tough guy and a fantastic puncher. And he eventually got to Gerald and Gerald wore out.

And then, when he took that knee he collapsed in his corner afterwards. See, this is like see, go to where he collapses. You can see it here. Like, so look, he's not feeling like something's going on

and he had bleeding on his brain. And Nigel Brand is just cracking him teeing off on him. And you can see Gerald is like he's trying to endure. See right there. So he takes it. He takes a knee.

And look, he's holding his head. He's trying to deal. So he takes a 10 count. And he doesn't get up. And everybody was freaking out. Like, how is he not getting up? So Nigel Brand's like, yeah. So Gerald McClown goes back to his corner he can barely walk and then he collapses and it was uh a huge tragedy because they were always

setting up this fight with roy jones jr roy jones jr was the fucking man yeah he was the fucking man and roy jones jr had this one rival who was also very dangerous and i think they fought the amateurs as well gerald mcclellan i just remember the tony being this big rival for roy but roy fucked him up he fucked him and james tony was terrifying back oh my god forget like oh my god he was so good he was so good he was so good and stylistically it was so interesting he's standing right in front of you he had this like great head movement and Really, before Floyd, I mean, obviously this is an older style, but that ability to shoulder roll. Shoulder roll. And he was just terrifying.

And he was so big. I think later in his career, what did Tony fought? Heavyweight. Even up to heavyweight. Knocked out Holyfield. That's right. Knocked out Holyfield as a heavyweight. So he was cutting to get down.

He weighed 168 when he fought Raw Jones, and then he knocked out Holyfield as a heavyweight. Oh, look at Roy, man. But when Roy beat James Toney, that was like his first big test. That was unbelievable. Because everybody was like, see, both of them were like 26, 25. Look at that. Whoa. Amazing.

Amazing fight. Do you ever think about, I was watching Conor with his leg snap, and I'm like is this gonna happen to more guys are we gonna see more of this 100 okay yeah it's it's we've seen so many of them of course it's gonna keep happening yeah chris weidman anderson silva and you go back down the line and why hill was the first one i ever saw that was like uh that no one had seen that before that was i'd only seen it on on video i'd never seen it in in real life when he threw a kick and the opponent checked it i

forget who he's fighting and uh it snapped his fucking leg in half and uh the referee didn't realize it and so he went down and uh the referee hadn't noticed it and the other guy was beating him up and i got up and i was yelling i took my headphones off and i was yelling stop the fight stop the fight but it's like i don't know if the ref could even hear me because it's a crowded arena and and now he's down the other fighters pounding on him so it's like see who was fighting him i'm trying to remember who was fighting cory hill leg break i I just wonder. It's like you see it happening more and more,

and then with the leg kicks seeming to play more of a role. It's going to happen. We've seen it happen so many times. It happened with Anderson Silva. It happened with Chris Weidman. Legs breaking, arms breaking. It's part of the sport. It's going to happen.

I've gotten into it. I was a boxing purist. Have you been live? To an MMA fight in Miami in the Hilton. It was like a small local one. And I'm telling you, this pains me to even admit it because I'm just such a big boxing fan. But in order to really appreciate boxing, you kind of need to understand the sport. It's like jujitsu or one of those things.

I don't really get it. I don't know enough. You know what I mean? Right. But I'm sure if I knew a lot, I'd notice every little bit of nuance. It's almost like soccer. You know how they can appreciate not scoring? The whole thing is almost scoring. You're like, ooh, that was a good almost score.

The whole thing is almost scoring. You're like, ooh, that was a good almost score. But when I see MMA, I can watch two guys I don't even know, never heard of them once. It is by far the most engaging fight sport because you don't even need to know the guys. Dale Hart. Dale Hart and I got hammered one night in a bar. Oh, my God.

Before or after? Oh, after. After that time. But this was the first time I ever seen him. Dale showing a lot of head movement. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. They're still scrambling.

And he's not tapping? Oh, God, that's gnarly, dude. Yeah, look at his leg. So I... Stop the fight! Stop the fight! Stop the fight! The fight is all over. Oh, God, that's gnarly, dude. You didn't hear it. His leg's broken. Stop, stop, stop. Stop the fight. Stop the fight.

Stop the fight. The fight is all over. Corey Hill. Yeah, that's just gnarly, dude. So that's me screaming. I don't think the referee saw when it broke, but then he recognized it when it was down, but his leg was off at a fucked up angle.

That was the first time I'd ever seen that live. But now I've seen it several times. I've seen arms break several times. I've seen so many people get fucked up. Are you immune to it? I'm a little numb to people getting injured for sure There's no way you know I talked about this before but if you looked at all of human history The amount of people that have seen people get the fuck beaten out of them

I am in the upper like 1% in all of time. Yes, you would like Genghis Khan Well, he's seen people get fucked up in a different way Yeah, that's chopped her legs off and use them light them on fire and use them on a catapult. Have you ever listened to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History? No. Listen to me, man. Wrath of the Khans. It's a five-part series on hardcore history about Genghis Khan.

And it is fucking amazing. It's amazing. I was obsessed with Genghis Khan for like three fucking amazing. It's amazing. I was obsessed with Genghis Khan for like three years after this. Why, why? He killed 10% of the population on earth. It's a lot. He and his people killed so many people. They changed the carbon footprint of human beings.

No. Yeah. They killed 50 million people at a time where there weren't that many people. There was probably 500 million people on all of earth. He killed 50 million people at a time where there weren't that many people. There was probably 500 million people on all of Earth. He killed 50 million people during his time. There's a story about this guy that was traveling to China. He was, I forget what, it was some Arab nation. some Arab nation and they were traveling to China

to meet and see if they could do business and do some trading and shit and see what it was like. And as he got close, he saw what he thought was a snow-capped mountain in the distance. And as they got closer, they realized that it was a pile of bones

and that Genghis Khan and his warriors had come in in Jin China they killed everyone they killed a million people and stacked their bodies on top and they had abandoned the road along the way because there were so many rotting corpses in the road that the wheels were sinking into the muck and they couldn't travel. This was, I forget who it was. I'm trying to remember. The Shah of some way. See, slaughtered every person there by some estimates,

1,748,000 people were killed. They were beheaded and their skulls were piled into pyramids, a request by Genghis Khan's daughter to ensure that no one got away with a simple wounding. What compelled him? Was it religion? He was a fucking conqueror, man. But what is the motivation? Are you doing this for God?

What is the purpose? His name was Timogen, right? And he was, from the time he was young, he grew up with these people that lived in this area of Mongolia where it was just a hard place to live. Just hard people. Yeah. And he killed his own brother when he was a young boy because his brother was stealing fish from him and so uh him and his other brother they they ambushed the older brother and lit him up with arrows and the mother was furious at him but that was like from

the time he was little he was a murderer i'm just curious like what inspires somebody to do that? I understand like inspiration from God, right? I think it's the time. Like people were brutal. I need to expand. I need to. People were brutal murderers back then. It was normal. And the way they lived,

they also had like extreme disdain for anyone who lived in houses. They all lived in tents. They lived in these felt tents. And they were nomads and they traveled and they would pack up their shit and move. So that was just their thing to do. Yeah, that was their thing to do. That 1.7 million people he killed was because his son-in-law was killed by an arrow.

Wow. That's a different one. He did this multiple times, by the way, but Jin China is the one where it was the Sha, the Khwarizmian Sha, that's who it was. Uh-huh. And this guy on the way there, he sees something in the distance. Oh, look at that snow-covered mountain. Nope, pile of bones, a million people dead, stacked on top of each other.

He did it multiple times. During his time, during his lifetime, they killed more than 50 million people. A million, I mean, just 50 million people. A million. I mean, just think about this. A million people, right? Stacked on top of each other. Will you meet a million people in your life?

I think I already have. You've shook hands with a million people? No. That's what I'm saying. A million is so much. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a thousand thousand. A thousand thousand.

Yeah. You have to murder and then place. Their bodies. In the same place. When in human history are there a million people to get now we have cities But like back then this is how wild they were there was talk that and on some of these campaigns when they would run out of food they would decide who they were gonna kill out of their soldiers and then eat them and That's how they fed the rest of their troops. So do you think this guy is a psychopath? Oh, for sure.

But everybody was back then. The standards of the time were different. Like murder was commonplace. Seeing people get their legs cut off and seeing people get slaughtered. But he was exceptionally cruel. And one of the things that they would do with people that they captured

was they would light their bodies on fire and Use them as catapults and and launch their flaming bodies onto the roofs of these because they had thatched roofs Yeah, yeah, so they would light their buildings on fire with flaming bodies Dude, I'm telling you this this Dan Carlin. He has a he's got an amazing podcast. It's called hardcore history It's one of the best podcasts. To call it a podcast is unfair. Because it's a documentary. Because assholes like you and me, we do podcasts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's doing research. Yeah. What he does is like, it's an oral presentation of historical events in an incredibly theatrical way. I just, I don't know. It's amazing. Do you ever think about like, if you could go back in history

and just be a voyeur? I would like to do that. I would love to have seen that time. That's the time? What it's like when these people would just ransack a city and light everything on fire and slaughter everyone, slaughter everyone. It's one of those things that you hear these stories

and you're like, so much of the development of successful countries is geography. Like if you didn't have some water between you and Genghis Khan, it was over. It was over. So you look at what we call the first world. It's like how much of that shit is literally just mountain range water? Like how much of the reason? It's luck.

Yeah, a lot of luck. English people dominating the world. it's luck yeah English people dominating the world is it's luck look at Afghanistan the reason why in fucking Afghanistan has been ever first of all Afghanistan is rich in resources rich in lithium natural gas it's a very valuable place to so this is why everybody's been beefing over Afghan exactly that's why Russia tried to conquer them and then we armed the you know, the I the the Kurds, right? Yeah, no, it was the What the fuck would

What did they call themselves back then? What were the Afghanis back then before they became the the Taliban they were God I'm fucking out of mental blank. So maybe afterwards it was the Kurds, but I know at a certain point in time. Yeah, that's different, though. That's a different part of, I mean, there are Kurds, and the Kurds were a different part. I'm trying to think of the religion. God damn it. Sunnis.

No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. I'm not going to do it. It's not going to work. I can't remember. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. I'm not going to do it. It's not going to work. I can't remember. But when we armed them, when they were fighting against the Russians, we helped them and we supported them. is we tried to control and stop Russia from taking over. So we armed their freedom fighters and then the CIA trained Osama Bin Laden and he worked for us.

And then eventually decided that we're the devil and then turned sides. But it's all about resources. The reason, I mean, we're not that concerned with that area. Otherwise we'd be in North Korea. We'd stop, if we're really worried about human rights, we'd be in North Korea. What is the fucking? The Mujahideen.

Thank you. Mujahideen. Yeah, so we armed the Mujahideen, and they later became the people that fought against the United States. They later became the Taliban. And they're running it back now. Well, now they're retaking over Afghanistan because we're pulling out. And it's a disaster, a horrific disaster.

Yeah. And this is what all the special forces guys have always warned against. There's like the moment you pull out, they're going to kill all the people that helped us. And then they're going to take over the country. So then what is the solution to that? Well, guys like Evan Hafer said that having all those troops in there is not the way to go. That really with a trained group of commandos, they could go in there and fuck shit up in a much more precise and tactical way and take care of situations. But when you want to get all tinfoil hat, here's what happens.

I love it. When you get real tinfoil hat, there's people that say, listen, the military industrial complex wants conflict because that's the only way they're going to make money. And when it seems ridiculous that we're over in a country wasting money and putting soldiers' lives at risk, it doesn't make any sense why we're there. So what you do is you back out and you let these people regroup and you let them try to take over again. I guess we got to go back. I guess we got to go back. And then they maybe do something and attack us. Maybe we let it happen. Maybe we let planes fly into the World Trade Center. That's the real tinfoil hat people. Again, ladies and gentlemen, this is not me. But the real tinfoil hat people, again, ladies and gentlemen, this is not me, but the real tinfoil hat people,

they believe that this is the reason why we're involved in these little, like you sacrifice your rook, right? And then you bring in the queen. Yeah. And you start fucking shit up. And that is, if you are the military industrial complex and you make untold trillions of dollars over decades and decades fucking shit up all over the world.

Peace is your greatest enemy. Yeah. You don't want that. Yeah, peace. You lose a lot of money during peace. And for soldiers, they become very conflicted because they do realize that in order to protect the freedom over here, you do have to engage with the enemy over there.

But then you get guys like Schmedley Butler, who in the 1930s wrote a book called War is a Racket. It was a paper, actually. And this paper was detailing all of his campaigns that he's involved with, that he thought he was doing the right thing to defend freedom, but really he was making things safe for bankers,

and he talked about it in great detail. It was like Schmedley Butler wrote that in the, it like 30 35 1935 war is a racket yeah it's an amazing piece of it's amazing piece of historical reference because like this guy was writing about this yeah almost a hundred years ago but I spent 33 years in active military service and during that period of time I spent 33 years in active military service, and during that period of time, I spent most of my time as a high-class muscle man for big business, for Wall Street, and the bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism. Schmedley Butler. That's the thing that's weird.

I've been trying to understand money. Again, I'm a complete baboon when it comes to it. But the more I start to understand, it's not exactly this like supply and demand thing. Right. You know, I thought it was just supply and demand. I thought that's what it was. A little bit of that. It's a little bit of it,

but there's still like this ability to operate on debt. And the interesting thing about war, from what I was like reading, is that when there's a war, there's an endless supply of lending because you can't go broke during a war. Right. You just keep on printing

because if we don't win this we lose everything right right and as long as there's money in circulation as long as there's liquidity like the way that this was explained to me by this guy uh fucking james weissman i think his name is but he was just like printing money doesn't necessarily devalue the money what will fuck up our economy is if we stop spending we need to keep moving we're like a shark you need to keep swimming that's how you breathe you swim so give people money let them buy some fucking TVs at Best Buy let them go out to eat let them do these things we'll keep going and letting it grind to a halt is the problem and I wonder if like I look at all these

conflicts and I'm like okay war I guess it's just unlimited spending and I look at like the places that we're having war which seems so peculiar and I'm like I think there is a spending component but I also think it's an oil component it's just unlimited spending and I look at like the places that we're having war which seems so peculiar And I'm like, I think there is a spending component, but I also think it's an oil component It's like are we trying to create conflict so motherfuckers can't make like an oil pipeline So they're dependent on like us to get oil to different parts of the world Yeah I mean I just think that there's a lot of like high-level chess going on in these types of of situations. The more I dig into it, the sadder I fucking get about it. I don't know if sad is the right word, but the more depressing it is.

Because I know that there's people out there risking their lives because they're like, I need to save America and I'm willing to die. I'm willing to not be with my family. I'm willing to really risk it all. And then you look into what they may be risking it for don't get me wrong there's a lot of like virtuous risks as well but like sometimes you look into it and you're like hey that ain't fair bro like right it's not fair you got a wife and kids yeah yeah they use them as pawns they use them as pawns on a giant global

chess game that's about controlling resources and that's that's what Afghanistan's always been about It's been about controlling resources. I Mean I'm sure it's also been about stopping fundamentalists psychopath Terrorists, but is that the excuse to control the resources like the second who you're talking to if you talk to soldiers They're trying to stop the fundamentalist psychopath terrorists these motherfuckers are Stealing 12-old girls. They're fucking raping them. They're making them sex slaves.

They're going out there to stop that. Right. But the bankers are going, oh, there's new fundamentalists? Are they operating on land with oil? We like this. When you get the Dick Cheneys of the world involved, things get very murky. So that's the thing that I'm curious about these motherfuckers, right? It's like, who's making these decisions, man?

I don't want to go deep. never gonna find out the only way we're gonna find out is we're gonna put on the fucking robes and go to bohemian grove and you got the fucking shirt you're ready to go next time i go to eat with alex jones you have to do it but isn't there part of you before you go joe like old man like don't you wish you could go into a room and motherfucker right before like day before you go, Joe, like, old man? Don't you wish you could go into a room and motherfucker, right before, like, day before you die, you're fucking 102 years old, day before you die, don't you want someone to bring you into a room? Yeah, with a suicide vest.

That's it. And then you fuck, done. Boom. And blow them all up, but at least you fucking knew. I don't know. I wonder how compartmentalized it all is. I wonder how many people actually know horrific shit that their corporations

or their businesses involved with. And this is the shit that their corporations or their businesses involved with. And this is the shit that Eisenhower tried to warn us about. Why? What did he say? Did you never see that video? No. You need to see this.

Pull up Eisenhower. Upon leaving office, we're going to grab your headphones because you need to hear this whole thing. Upon leaving office, Eisenhower gave one of the most chilling speeches that any... Watch this. We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought,

by the military-industrial complex. Hey. This is... You got a Bernie Sanders one here, bro. The shortest one, so it doesn't play a bunch of other stuff. It is from the National... I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell. 1961.

The speech did not get very much attention. When a new president is coming to power. Okay. Unfortunately, there's a lot of assholes who want to talk over Eisenhower. So this is at the end of his term? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. You got it, Jamie?

Okay. Throughout his term, you know, he recognized, you know, he was a famous general. Yeah. I mean, Eisenhower was the fucking man. And upon leaving, and this is 61, so it's post-World War II, you know, that was ended 13 years ago or so. And he recognized that the military industrial complex was looking for conflicts so they can make money. And he was trying to warn the American people about this.

So imagine this guy's leaving office. And for him, the most important thing to say to the American people is you have to be fucking careful. Before you, before you press play. Yeah. He's not remembered with rose-colored glasses.

No. Or lenses or whatever that expression is. He's kind of remembered poorly. They kind of shit on his presidency. And I wonder if that's what the fuck they do to the people that question the authority of the people that are really in charge. Like any president that pushes back against these powers that be, I wonder if they just shit on them in the history books. Is Eisenhower remembered poorly? He's not remembered well. Really? He's not remembered well.

He's not remembered as this heroic savior or anything. I mean, I can't name a single fucking thing Eisenhower did. I mean, didn't Eisenhower lead us through the war? I don't want to do the whole, as a president, I don't want to do the whole, like, we go against the fucking banks and shit, or the Fed, but what is his face that took out the Fed? What is his name, Jackson?

Jackson's just remembered as a racist. That's his only, but he also took out the Fed. Right, listen to this. Programs, balance between our essential requirements. Yeah, pray for the beginning. Throughout America's adventure in free government, our basic purposes have been to keep the peace, to foster progress in human achievement,

and to enhance liberty, dignity, and integrity among peoples and among nations. Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings, global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose,

and insidious in method. Unhappily, the danger it poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is call for not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint, the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle with liberty at the stake. Crises there will continue to be.

In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. But each proposal must be weighed in the light of a broader consideration, the need to maintain balance in and among national programs. Balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual. Balance between actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks

balance and progress. Lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration. You and I, my fellow citizens, need to be strong in our faith that all nations under God will reach the goal of peace with justice. May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the nation's great goals. What is this? It's not even a thing. Wait, that wasn't it? Then you had to listen to shitty fucking music.

But that wasn't it? That was only part of it. That was only part of it, but it was a good part. It was a good part beside the whole worry about the influence of the military-industrial complex. Okay, here it is. Hit me with it. That's just the quote.

Okay. The councils of government must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-indust industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. That's what we're dealing with. I mean, that guy was trying to explain to people that we need balance because there's a bunch of people that just want to make money by starting wars.

And that's real shit. Yeah, I feel like people make, I don't know, that's my biggest issue with America right now. Is that motherfuckers are willing to sell their souls for any amount of money. It doesn't matter. You sell influence to any other country. If China wants to buy up something, they want to buy up us. You're talking about John Cena? John Cena?

Who else? Who else had to apologize? The the john cena one was wild yeah i mean come on john he's talking chinese come on john he was speaking fluent mandarin fluent bending over yeah bending over so sorry i was so tired is that what he said i was so tired he said i was tired yeah i was so tired i was doing press i respect china so much so so much so much respect but that's the thing we're so fucking greedy that the second anybody offers you some money you'll take it immediately do you know what the money was though what was it they made 160 something million dollars in the box office for the opening weekend for Fast and Furious 9. 134 of it was from China. That's a lot of money, son.

It's a lot of money, but you have to understand, it's a movie about car crashes and obviously in China. They translate in China. This is why. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's an action movie. They don't do our comedies. Our comedies are worthless over there.

Yeah, exactly. You need to do action movies. Everybody knows what the fuck that's going on. But it's just like, is there ever a price where you'll just say no? You know what I mean? I see it all the time. You see it happening with buildings and stuff in New York. It's like foreign investment comes in, and I understand that.

But also when it comes to movies, I think AMC let China buy up a certain percentage of it. And what happens if they start saying, we're not going to show any movies, right? Like I think about this with the algorithms too. Like not only is it – all you have to do to change culture is limit the dollar. So if AMC goes, we're not going to put any movie that's critical of China in our movie theaters. You're just not going to make it. Just like what happened with comedy on TV. There's a certain part of my success

is that comedy got so neutered on TV that when I just started throwing shit out on YouTube, people were like, oh yeah, this is funny. I remember it's funny. It's actually real funny, wild shit. Yeah, wild shit is actually funny. Wild shit. And I worry about this shit like,

when I see the algorithms on the social media platforms, if you start taking down things for bullying or even if it's in the guise of comedy i think youtube does a good job of this because like when we had alex on on youtube we put a disclaimer we're like this is all fake this is all for you know fun and they left it up and it was cool the second time we had around but i was like i'm looking like we mean the second time when we had alex back on we put a big disclaimer we're like so the first time they pulled it they pulled it did you ever edit it the part that he said disclaimer. We're like- So the first time they pulled it? They pulled it, yeah. Did you ever edit it?

The part that he said? What did he say? Like Bill Gates is the devil or some shit? No, no. I think he was like, Corona causes cancer. No, the vaccine causes cancer. Is that what he said? Like 60 seconds in.

Really? Yeah, yeah. It was early. Why didn't you just edit that part out and put it back up? I didn't even think. It was so silly. Like we were all dressed silly. Like everything was a joke.

We're doing this as a joke, but they went wild on it. But I guess my point is like, if TikTok says you can't say these certain words on the platform, right? They ban a lot of people off of TikTok. They ban a lot, and they take down videos for certain words. But all of a sudden, if you want success, you're gonna have to start curating your comedy

based on those rules. You get to dictate what the rules are for comedy. And then we're in the same fucking situation as we were when Comedy Central was putting out fucking nonsense for years. Right. So it's like, that's too much control, man. Like, I don't know.

When you look at the social media shit, if everybody's on it, is it a fucking, is it like water? What is that called? A utility? Right. Like, do we start looking at like a utility? I believe so.

I think we should. I think if we want to look at things fairly, it has to be a utility. You can't. I think there's one thing, like if someone wants to dox you and tell people where you live and show photos of your kids and like go after Andrew's kid, like, no, that's wrong. Yeah. And that should be illegal. But other than that, you should be able to talk. Yeah. You should be able to express yourself. Yeah. And that should be illegal. But other than that, you should be able to talk.

You should be able to express yourself. Yeah. And the problem today is we're finding there's a lot of stuff that gets censored that turns out to be correct. Here's one, the lab leak theory. Yeah. For a long time, if you had that lab leak theory, you were racist. They call me racist after the Netflix special.

I made fun of everybody. Wait a minute. The Andrew Schultz takes over America or whatever it's called? Schultz saves America. That? I literally had a couple jokes about the thing coming from China and I have these fucking nerd bloggers that of course nobody looks at and I didn't lean into it. I didn't make a whole

fucking hoopla about it. But they're like oh this is racist. This is xenophobic shit and how could you say this at the other? Here's the thing. That's their job. They suck. But their job is to suck. They appeal to people who, they're the libs of TikTok. That's their crowd. And this is a real market.

And they might not even really think that way. They might decide that to think like that is a viable business option. Yeah. There's a lot of that going on. A lot of people capitalizing on the woke shit and they're basically sociopaths yeah they're they're they don't care about the other people on the other end they don't care about you because you're doing great yeah he's got a netflix series his podcast is killing it fuck him let's go i don't like his mustache they go after you yeah

yeah i'm just saying i don't know i think that's too much power and i worry like creatively and like not to be like artsy about it but like I want new young comics to come up and I want them to fucking say what they find funny. Yes. And I want new versions. I want to eventually look at my comedy and I see these young guys and I go, man, my shit is dated. These young motherfuckers are killing it.

Like push me. Push me. Push me. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do some neutered bullshit because you want your clip to kill on TikTok. Yeah. Right.

That's going to drive me fucking crazy. But if the algorithms stop allowing it, that's what it's going to be. Let me tell you something about Spotify. They never fuck with me once. Yeah, I know. It's everybody around Spotify that wants to fuck with you. It's all these bloggers. No, not the workers.

Shit is real. But I'm saying the bloggers, they always go for the company. They're like, Spotify, how could you allow this? You know why? Because it's the number one podcast on earth still. Damn right. Still because it's the number one podcast on earth. Damn right. Still. Still. Damn right. Even coming over to Spotify. Damn right. Still.

And now Spotify's the number one place for podcasts too. Bro, you know what's so weird? I was, breaking points, you know, Sagar and Crystal. I wanted to sign up, I signed up for their thing, because you can pay money to get the thing early, right? I just want to support them, I love them. Yeah, me too. I think they're fucking great. Love them. And I love Sagar's's new teeth you got great new teeth saga

okay yeah he looks like fucking takashi 69 with those things so so i go to sign up so i gotta sign up right and my first and this is the power of getting a massive podcast my first instinct was where do you listen your podcast my first instinct was, where do you listen to your podcasts? My first instinct was not to do Apple Music or Apple Podcasts. It was to go Spotify. Yeah. That's why they paid you. So that I go, well, I guess I listen to things on Spotify. Right?

Yeah. And obviously there's other reasons to pay you. But the reason, right? It's like, how do I think the place you listen to shit is now Spotify? Yeah. And they didn't have it fucking listed. They didn't have Spotify listed? They had a million other fucking things listed on this.

There's a whole email, so they got to fix that. They should fix that. But that's simple. The behavioral thing, me just opening and looking for the green Spotify icon, that's the game changer. Well, the game changer is that Spotify has recognized that everybody else is censoring people. And one of the things that Daniel X said, he's a brilliant guy, he said, we have millions of content creators on Spotify

and we don't attack the rappers for their lyrics and we don't attack Joe Rogan for whatever he says. We give him creative control and he's never violated any of our terms of agreements. That's the funniest thing about like, I mean, I know there's a lot of controversy with this DaBaby thing going on, but like all these festivals pretending like they give a fuck about what the artists say yeah

they're haliburton with the fucking rainbow flag it's the same thing we care about being inclusive dropping rainbow bombs on yemen we care about a safe environment everybody in the crowds on fucking coke and molly just touching each other grabbing fucking girls tits like get the fuck out of here dude exactly it's just such bullshit. That's why I'm back in New York, Joe. Because you like the convoy. I love the fucking convoy. I get it. I get it.

Well, I want you to be there, but I also want you to just take over Miami. I think that's your move. Yeah, maybe. I like the Andrew with the straw hat on. Yeah, I got a bus guy. But you've taken some of that with you. Look at his fucking shirt.

I'm out of here, bro. The legend. I'm out of here. Motherfucker killed himself before me too could take him, man. Shouts to Hugh Hefner, dog. Dude, he made it. Dude, he got out right in time. He made it to the end.

Oh, they would have come for him, for sure. Game over. Yeah. Game over. Oh, my God. I mean, that was a wild time. Did you ever go to the mansion? Yeah.

I went to the mansion a couple times. As crazy as they said? No. I was only there for events. I was there for, I went to the mansion a couple times. As crazy as they said? No, I was only there for events. I was there for, I believe it was Strikeforce. Strikeforce had, I think it was Strikeforce? Maybe the Lead XC. One of the smaller MMA shows had an event at the Playboy Mansion. I went there for that. We did Fear Factor from the mansion once and then uh i hosted the marijuana policy project had an event at the mansion as well and uh that was a weird one why was it weird i was

just weird it's like it's just it's weird you know because it's like the whole thing was kind of corny like you would go go there and everything was old. Yeah. It was all, but it wasn't old cool. It was old like a house you would buy, but you know, like it was in a good lot. So you would tear it down. And then redo everything. Yeah.

Like the kitchen was old. It feels like you're in like Orlando. Dial phones and shit. It was Strike Force? Yeah. Yeah. I went for that. It was interesting.

You know? Ugh. Life, man. It was interesting, you know? Ugh, life, man. But, you know, it's the whole fucking pipe and the smoking jacket thing. But back in the day, he was the guy that would, like, they had the Playboy Club, and it was on television. They would introduce people to different artists and musicians. It's just such a weird thing, like naked girls. And girls wanted it.

They would get Playboy bunny tattoos. That bunny on your shirt, you know how many cheesy broads got that shit tattooed on their butt cheeks? Millions, Joe. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. I wonder if it's like, now girls can do OnlyFans and Instagram. Yeah. This is a weird observation, but Hooters, the talent has kind of fell off a little bit. Of course.

But you've noticed that? I don't go, but I would imagine. Okay, neither do I. But the talent's kind of fallen off a little bit. Well, the food's not the best. The food's not the best. And then the girls can go on OnlyFans. They can go on Instagram.

And make a shit pile of money just showing their feet. Exactly. You don't even have to show your tits. Oh, just show their feet and their butthole. Take your feet out of those fucking Skechers or whatever they were wearing. Wear a stick of carrot up your ass with bunny ears on. And you'll make so much more money than you ever would in Playboy. Dude, it's so true. The OnlyFans thing is wild because I've talked to people that are on the OnlyFans.

I'm like, how much money are you making? Just tell me. And good. Fucking $10,000 a month, $100,000 a month, $50,000 a month. And they're just taking pictures. And they're regular girls. No one knows who they are. Yeah.

And they're making a million a year. But I also think about the girl who goes because i think in in the back of every hot girl's head they're like i could make millions of dollars stripping but i choose not to and there's a couple that have started an only fans and it didn't work out oh really the average is only 180 a month what so for every girl that's getting 10 000 there's one that's getting 180 bucks so imagine you show the goods in your whole life you were like i'm above this right it's 180 What? 180 bucks? So for every girl that's getting 10,000, there's one that's getting 180 bucks? So imagine you show the goods in your whole life. You were like, I'm above this.

Right. And that is $180 a month. Right. One shift waiting tables at the store. Yeah. How does one become famous on OnlyFans, right? That's the question. That's the social climbing shit that I'm not... I don't even want to call it social climbing, but I find it very hard to engage creatively with'm not I don't even want to call it social climbing but like I find

it very hard to engage creatively with people that I don't respect and some people are really good at it like they find other people that are like popping and they can like insert themselves in and um I just can't do it

you gotta pull the microphone down couple guys in the top 15 earners yeah to pull the microphone down so people can hear you. There's a couple guys in the top 15 earners. Yeah, they're making money. A couple guys? Yeah. What are they doing? Showing cock? Bro, I don't like that.

How much money do you get showing cock? Tyga makes a lot, I think I heard. Tyga? Yeah, he's got a piece. And then Aaron Carter is on there. He might. He apparently has a piece, though. I don't know why I know that.

He shows his cock? I think so. I'm not checking. I don't know what else you pay for. Well, that must be on Reddit as well, right? Don't they leak? They definitely leak. That's the fucked up I don't know what else you pay for. Well, that must be on Reddit as well, right? Don't they leak? They definitely leak. That's the fucked up shit.

Is Reddit his only fan? Yeah. That feels so bad saying this, but if ever there's a friend of mine that's on OnlyFans or someone I kind of know from the peripheral, I go right to Reddit and it's there, dude. So is Reddit or is OnlyFans for people that don't know how to use the real internet? Yeah, you're just old. It's for boomers. Or you're in love with a girl and you want to support her.

That's the thing. If she's shown it. There's a lot of those guys that become super fascinating with those girls and then they want to meet them. Do you know that it's all rigged? I spoke to this OnlyFans girls. They have people who text the guys. Oh. So these chicks, this is the game, right?

The girls go with a company the company takes all their pictures populates their only fans there's a new company that does that there's companies to do this right they're like an agency they take like 25 they take all your pictures fly you la do all the things and then they have people who interact with your fans and talk sexy to them and say i can't wait to see you so they keep you engaged and then you fucking fall in love with them. Oh boy. And then the girls don't gotta do shit. Wow. Yeah.

That's sad. That makes me sad. Those guys are getting hustled. They are. But are they? I think they know it. It's like the catfish shit. It's like you know it's fake

but you like the fact that someone's talking to you, saying they love you. The solution is a video. The girl has to make a video. She gotta make a video directly to you. Hi Mike. I really appreciate you jerking off to my feet The next one that I take that carrot is gonna be my ass for you you're only gonna see green Yeah, you're just gonna see the carrot the green and my feet. I

Like the feature though. I'm not gonna. Yeah, I like pretty feet shit, though. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, I'm not. I like pretty feet. He made a lot. Busted feet are sad. What is this? Tyga's genitals netted him $7.9 million. There you go. He's doubling down on OnlyFans. Wow.

Is Tyga still doing music? I don't know. But when you got it like that. $7.9 million just showing his hog? Bro, making money, you find out what you really love. How much? Why is the game slipping? Why is he nodding on this?

Why? Because he got a piece, right? He's a giant hog. He's got an arm in there. But he's medium swole. I don't think that's fake swole. Medium swole? I don't think it's hard enough where it's facing up, but I think he warms it up to the

point. It doesn't matter. Have you seen it? He's got a piece. He's got a piece, dude. He's got a piece. He's got a piece, dude. He's got a piece. Bro. It's one of them pythons that swallows alligators.

It's a problem. You fill that thing up with water, you go to the gym. That's a hog. Yeah, yeah. He's got a nice one. He's got a hog. He's got like a shin bone in there. Give that shit to Connor.

Just replace it. Just replace Connor with fucking fucking the Games meat. Show me the Games hog. Hey, listen. Only, I'm a 54-year-old man. I turned 54 today. And this is my respectable job that I have with a large corporation. God bless America.

Show me his penis, please. How could you be angry? Look at that hog. Yeah, that's stupid. It's stupid. It doesn't matter if could you be angry That's stupid It doesn't matter if it's hard It's a giant hog That man's got a giant hog Look at how he's grabbing it in the left one

I mean, that's like a fucking Budweiser can The fuck is he grabbing Yeah, it's a problem It's a problem I mean, Jesus How many girls do you think contacted him after they saw that? Oh, dude, that's why they built it. 100,000?

Yeah, immediately. Yeah, probably. But what girl can take that? A lot of girls. You think? Dirty ones. Really? Yeah, they're used to it.

I don't know if you get used to that. I bet they do. You think? Yeah, they have babies. Babies' heads are huge. Yeah, but the fucking, what is it called? People fist people. Come on, man.

I don't buy that, dude. You don't buy fisting? You need to watch Tom Segura's videos. Wait, he has that? Yeah, Tom Segura has cultivated these guys fisting each other, where they have anal prolapses, and then they pull the prolapses out and rub them against each other. Bro.

Where is he watching this? He does it on your mom's house lives. live the lives here those your mom's house lives are the wildest fucking thing on the internet because it's shit he could never get away with yeah showing on the podcast but people pay for it and then they put it up and then he has a website where you download it and you get up to like a month afterwards or whatever it's fucking crazy i actually am bummed out because he invited me to be on one uh but i'm elk hunting when it's going down i'm like shit yeah i'm like when's the next one yeah i'm like dude i'll cancel a gig for that

let me in i want to watch prolapsed anus it's not just that it's like he finds the wildest shit but that's smart it's like you're giving people a reason why they should tune. It's not just that. It's like he finds the wildest shit online. But that's smart. It's like you're giving people a reason why they should tune in. It's a genius show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's genius. It's fucking genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he does it once a month. And he has a whole infrastructure dedicated to it to make sure that it downloads smooth. And they built sets. And they hire producers. They hired people that used to work for SNL and shit. They know how to run shows. Wild. You kind of need that. Tom's a genius. And he moved out here to Austin, Texas.

Yeah, he did. His wife murdered it last night. Christina Pazitsky. Oh my god, she's funny. Murdered it to the point where everybody was like, eyebrows raised. Like, whoa. She was killing. I gotta check out Christina, man. I gotta check out Christina. Last night was a wild show raised, like, whoa. She was killing. I got to check out Christina, man. I got to check out Christina.

Last night was a wild show. We had David Lucas. Love David. Shout out to David. Shout out to David Lucas. Killed it, bro. Warmed it up. And then Christina Pazitsky murdered it.

And then Duncan Trussell murdered it. And then Tony Hinchcliffe murdered it. It was a wild show. So that was all before I got on. It was crazy at the Vulcan. Yeah. This is a fun place, man. Yeah.

It's a fun, and there's no one to say no here. And I hear there's a new place opening soon. Oh, yeah. We're real close. That's what I hear. The rumors on the streets. Yeah. Inspections were done today, or they were done on Saturday, rather.

We'll have an announcement shortly, but it's going to be wild. Woo! All right. It's 419. Let's going to be wild. Woo! All right. It's 419. Let's wrap this bitch up. God bless. Andrew Schultz, next time I see you, you'll be filming your special at the Paramount. I will be in attendance for that, sir.

God bless you. God bless you, man. I'm very excited for that. Shout out to Virginia. Yeah, that's right. We got a shout out. Can we say that? Okay, yeah.

Shout out to you, Virginia. My wife's friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She got the hots for Andrew. You got a great taste, okay? With all due respect, you have great taste. Excellent taste. I'm a happily fiancé'd man.

He's a happily almost married man. A happily almost married. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is over. Peace. God bless you all. Thank you.