The Joe Rogan Experience - #17 - Ari Shaffir, Eddie Bravo

Episode Date: April 21, 2010

Joe sits down with Ari Shaffir, and Eddie Bravo.

And, gentlemen, very sorry for the late start here, but unfortunately I'm the only one that's here. Brian and Eddie and Ari have not shown up yet. Brian's not showing up because he was eating some yogurt and he bit down on his spoon and broke his fucking tooth. Which is one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever heard in my life. So he's not going to be here. which is one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever heard in my life. So he's not going to be here. And Eddie's stuck in traffic because it's raining in L.A. And when it rains in L.A., everybody freaks out. And Ari's stuck in traffic as well.

So that's the story. Let me shut this music off. I got this synced up guru from Gangstar Died yesterday Very very sad One of my favorite rap bands ever And Dude was only 43 years old That's only a year older than me

That's crazy shit Dying Of cancer and shit Used to be healthy Now he's dead. And that's life, unfortunately. But the good thing is, we still got his music. Life carries on.

And maybe he's somewhere cooler right now, right? Who the fuck knows, right? Ladies and gentlemen. So, since I'm starting solo, let's get started with a bunch of shit that's going on. First of all, this fucking Strikeforce thing. One of the reasons why the Strikeforce thing is so fucked up is because they haven't really done it that many times. They haven't done these big CBS shows that many times.

And they made a bunch of big mistakes. And the big brawl that happened afterwards. First of all, everyone was criticizing mayhem. Everyone was saying that mayhem fucked up and mayhem might cost CBS their deal. First of all, mayhem shouldn't have even been allowed to get into that octagon. If that was the UFC, they have security at the stairs. They have security at the top. You can't just walk into the octagon while the fights are going on.

It's literally not possible. You know, you can't have that many teammates in the octagon as well. When, you know, when Jake Shields, after his fight, he had like seven, like six or seven of his buddies in the cage. Trainers, everybody. You can't have that many people. The UFC does not allow it. The UFC, I believe you're allowed to have three. And they regulate it all. And that's what you're supposed to do. As far as Mayhem doing something that was

inappropriate, well, he definitely did something disrespectful. You know, Jake Shields is in the middle of the biggest victory of his life, just beats Dan fucking Henderson and dominates him for four rounds after he got fucked up for the first round. So, you know, it's a huge emotional victory for him and for his teammate, you know, his teammates So, you know, it's a huge emotional victory for him and for his teammates. This is a gigantic fight, and he pulled it off. So, you know, emotions were running very high, and Mayhem stepped in and bogarted the attention. And that's not cool. But it was a mistake.

You know, he went in there to try to hype up the fight the same way they would do it in the UFC, the same way, you know, the famous George St. Pierre, I'm not impressed with your performance when he went in there when Matt Hughes had just won. That kind of shit happens to build up fights. That's what it's for. But this wasn't planned. Strikeforce didn't know what was going to happen. Mayhem thought about it last minute. He just wanted to, you know, he was hyped up because he had won earlier in the night. He wanted a rematch with Jake Shields. So he runs into the Octagon and, you know, they start pushing him out of the way. And then chaos erupts.

He should have never been allowed to get into the Octagon. And if he was allowed to get in the cage, they should have had it regulated. It should have been a situation where when, you know, they would let Jake Shields speak, they ask him all the questions they're going to ask him totally respectfully. He gets his chance. He gets his moment to say what he has to say, thank his teammates. Then after all that's done, then mayhem comes in if that's what they want, if that's a fight they're hyping up next, who the fuck knows what their plans were. Their plans might not be a mayhem fight next. So it should have been up to them.

They should have regulated the cage. They should have made sure he didn't get in there. As far as like what the Diaz brothers did and Gilbert Melendez, those guys are backing up their buddy. Those guys are like brothers. Those guys, they're all a bunch of fucking psychos and savages. Their buddy just wins the Strikeforce middleweight title. Some pushing goes on. They're down to get in there. That's just the way they are, you know? I mean, the Diaz brothers, you know, people always criticize them, but I think, first of all, I think they make shit way more interesting when you've got someone like Nate and Nick Diaz that they don't give a fuck.

They really don't give a fuck. They're not just pretending to not give a fuck. No, they really don't give a fuck. They will fight in a brawl on CBS on prime time. They don't give a fuck. They really knew what was going on and they still stepped in there and did that. You can't just have them all together like that and let anybody in that you want. It's like I used to have pit bulls.

And when you get a bunch of pit bulls in the room, you can't get mad at the pit bulls if they fight each other. That's just what they do. And these guys are professional mixed martial arts fighters. And in mixed martial arts, definitely there's a psychological aspect to it that's a huge component of fighting and whether or not you win or lose. And these guys have this psychological edge over their opponents because they're so aggressive, because they're so down to fight at any moment's notice. They don't give a fuck. They're not afraid. They're ready to throw down.

And because of that, that's a significant advantage. It's a significant tactic when it comes to fighting. And they're not going to relinquish that just because they're on national television. So if someone gets in one of their boys' faces and disrespects them, they're going to fight. I mean, that's just what's going to happen. So what I blame is I think Mayhem certainly made an error, but he should have never been allowed to get into the position to make that error. It was completely, in my opinion, on Strikeforce or the committee or whoever the fuck is supposed to be watching that cage. You know, I don't know who's responsible for that. The UFC takes care of all that shit.

I never have to think about it. But whoever was responsible for that, it was a goddamn disaster. So that's my opinion on that. It was a goddamn disaster. So that's my opinion on that. And as far as the commentary goes, people are talking about how bad the commentary is. This is what I think about that. I like Frank Shamrock. I like Frank Shamrock as a person. I enjoy him. I think he's funny. I don't mind his commentary at all. Those other two dudes, it's like my mom said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I'm not going to say shit because I think those guys need work. You know, it's not as easy as it looks.

And you got to be a fan of the sport. And I'm not sure that main guy is a fan of the sport. I don't even want to mention his fucking name. So here we are. This is the 420 episode of the podcast. So here we are. This is the 420 episode of the podcast. And what we'll do is I'll just ramble until everybody gets here. Ari and Eddie should be here within probably 15 to 20 minutes, depending on what the traffic looks like.

And when they get here, then we'll jump off. So between now and then, I'll just take questions. If you see my office here, if you notice, things have changed. I got rid of some shit here, moved something out, and I'm going to put a green screen behind me. So for the next Ustream podcast, hopefully the next one, if not the next one, the one after that, I'll be in space. So the way we're going to have it set up is we're going to have a podcast. Then I'm going to have a green screen Then I'm going to have a green screen. I'm going to have a total space background.

And then I'll have couches and shit like that. So the idea is that it will look like couches flying through space. So that should be pretty interesting. This whole thing is, you know, I started off this podcast sort of just kind of as a move. And, you know, I just thought it would be an interesting thing to do. I always wanted to do something like that. I always enjoyed radio. But I kind of never got off my ass to do it.

And now I've done it, I think this is like the 12th or the 13th week in a row. So we've been real consistent, and it's been a lot of fun. And now it's number eight on the comedy section of iTunes, which is crazy because the audio part of it was just sort of an afterthought to throw that up. And the Ustream one is getting plenty of hits and it's been fun. It's a fun way to supplement comedy. And speaking of comedy, I got one gig this Friday night in Sacramento, but it's already sold out I'm gonna be doing the color commentary for Jose Aldo versus Uriah Faber the I don't think they're they're literally not even referring to it as the WEC they're just referring to it as Aldo versus Faber I'm not exactly sure why that is I think you know it's

for you know because it's because the preliminary is going to be on Spike TV. A lot of corporate shit. So that's what's going on. I got a bunch of shit to talk about. First of all, this fucking volcano over Iceland is nuts. If you haven't noticed that, there's a... My wife had no idea what was going on. Because she doesn't pay attention to shit except for gossip but the there's a giant volcano

in Iceland it literally is erupting through the ice it's pretty badass if you look at some of the video footage online if you google it it's really pretty intense you're seeing like molten lava squirting up through the ice is really wild and the volcanic ash has gotten so bad that they have canceled all the air flight over Europe for days and days. Oh, Ari Shafir's here. How'd you get in? Wow, beautiful. What's up, brother?

How are you? How are you? Wow, you're looking for this place out. I did. Have a seat. Oh, yeah. Ari Shafir, ladies and gentlemen. He's here. Eddie Bravo. Should be seat. Ladies and gentlemen, he's

here. Eddie Bravo. Should be moments behind. I'm sure he's very close. Did you even ring the doorbell?

No? He did? I didn't even hear it. Not so much on rambling. We're talking about the

Iceland volcano. You know about all that shit. Yeah, no one can fly anywhere. Today they just lifted it, but I

wouldn't fucking fly. Lifted it fully? Yeah, they lifted the air band over Europe. But that's because it's costing them $200 million a day. Yeah. How nutty is that?

It's because of the hoots and runnels. The airline industry. $200 million. How much tourism in this country is it? Yeah. I know. It's all crazy. $200 million a day.

How about that? How fragile is this world? Any little thing can happen, and things close down for a couple of days and these businesses, they run so on the edge that just a couple of days off work and they come close to being bankrupt. I like how people are like, I heard all the stories like this volcano, I can't fly home. You know what, we could have had all life wiped out too. Yeah, everybody.

That's just as likely. People have no idea what volcanoes are all about. Volcanoes have reshaped this earth. Like, when you're in Hawaii, have you ever gone to Hawaii? You ever gone over the volcano in a helicopter? It's the

fucking coolest thing ever. I went to the Big Island and we took a trip on a helicopter and we flew over the volcano and you're flying over this active volcano. You're watching the lava bubble up inside. You can see the fucking lava.

You can see it and you can see it roll into the ocean. Like we fly over to where it rolls in the ocean. It's moving four inches every year closer to Japan. It's fucking crazy.

And there's another island in the middle of the ocean that hasn't quite popped up yet, but it's on its way. It's going to be the next island in the Hawaiian Islands. It's on its way up. It's building up. That whole area is just one gigantic... So as the volcano stuff comes out, it just dries? Yeah, it dries and it becomes rock and then it breaks down and becomes dirt and plants grow on it.

Oh, that's how it goes dirt. Yeah. Okay. I mean, it literally is, that's what Hawaii is. It's a volcano. It just came out of the ground and, you know, and created islands. But you can see the fucking volcano. And they have all these different photos that you could buy there and videos you could watch.

There's a bunch of towns that were completely wiped out on the big island where they'll show you where the town used to be the lava just came rolling in like the 50s and just crushed the entire town i think it happened in the 80s it's not going to cap on the rock half up i didn't see any of that but i'm sure there must be i mean most of the stuff just gets smushed all right i mean the lava comes down it just literally annihilates any evidence whatsoever that anything was there. And what people don't realize is that shit has happened so many times. You know, this world has changed so many times just in the last few million years. The best place to find megalodon skeletons, megalodon teeth, you know what a megalodon is?

They're these giant ancient prehistoric sharks that were like fucking gigantic, way bigger than great whites. Well, the best place to find their teeth is in Montana. That's where they used to be covered? It used to be the ocean. How fucking nutty is that? That's where they hung out. That's the part of the ocean. That's fucking crazy.

Montana used to be underwater. You know, so many parts of it. Just like 10,000 years ago, half of North America was under a mile-high sheet of ice. Just 10,000 years ago. That's nothing. That's nothing. 10,000 years is nothing. 10,000 years ago, there were saber-toothed tigers and woolly mammoths.

Did you know that? Just 10,000 years ago. Fucking saber-toothed tigers. 10,000 years. Did you know that? Just 10,000 years ago. Fucking saber-toothed tigers. 10,000 years isn't shit. There were people around then. What was it 10,000 years before that? We don't know. 10,000 years before that, as far as human civilization,

it's all who the fuck knows. We know that the big extinction was 65 million years ago. That was the one that hit the Yucatan, the big meteor. That supposedly wiped out everything except small mammals. Anything bigger than

a fucking hamster. Where did the small mammals go? They figured out a way to burrow on the ground and hardy rats and shit like that. Rats are some hardy animals. We're like the descendants of anything that survived 65 million years ago.

All kinds of rats. Yeah, well, all sorts of mammals. I mean, and some birds, I mean, dinosaurs are a direct,

birds are a direct descendant of dinosaurs. Yeah. Somehow or another, some birds survive, but literally most of the life on the planet was wiped the fuck out.

And then, there's the super volcanoes, man. Super volcanoes have been wiping out things on this continent for the super volcanoes, man. Super volcanoes have been wiping out things on this continent for millions and millions of years. Every six to eight hundred thousand years, Yellowstone blows up and literally wipes out the whole continent. Kills everything. And it restarts again.

Yeah, and there's been two thousand earthquakes in Yellowstone National Park since January of this year. Let's hear this thing on NPR about earthquakes and how there's so many more now. Yeah. Is that true? There are more now? No. No.

Exactly the same, just happening to big cities. Really? Yeah. So there's the same amount, it's just they're hitting places where people are. Yeah. And if it happens, I mean, if you had an earthquake in Bakersfield, it was going to be so much damage. If you get it on the corner of Sunset and Fairfax, it's going to be tremendous.

Right, right, right. You know? But it seems like there's so many of. If you get it on the corner of Sunset and Fairfax, it's going to be, you know, tremendous. Right, right, right. You know? But it seems like there's so many of them. They're happening so often. Yeah, it does seem like a lot. Is that because of the news? Like, there's more access to information now than there was before?

I don't know. They were saying, like, last year was a year of celebrity death. You know? Was it? Yeah, it was real. It's never happened before, but it just keeps happening.

More celebrities just died. Last year? Who died last year? The Jackson, that chick that was hot. It was the Choice Angels. it's never happened before but it just keeps happening more celebrities just died last year who died last year Bill Jackson that chick that was hot who was at Charlie's Angels Farrah Fawcett that's your legacy

that chick that was hot who was at Charlie's Angels Michael Jackson oh yeah did he die last year or this year Billy Mays Seth Park did that episode

about beer celebrity death oh did they yeah but they were already talking about it opening up were already talking about it. Opening Anthony was talking about it a bunch. He was like, oh these celebrities are dying. But it's not. It's just, I think it's just TMZ makes more people celebrities.

That's true. You know? There's way more celebrities now than there were before. Yeah. Do you know Gangstar? The rap band Gangstar? Guru from Gangstar just died. You don't give a fuck dude.

I just heard he existed. I already knew he was dead before. You never heard of Gangstar? Oh dude, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, there's some, I just heard he existed. I already knew he was dead before. You never heard of Gangstar? Oh, I don't know. Sing a song. Dude, there's some, sing one of their songs. You don't sing a rap song. Rap one of their stories.

I'll play you one. Alright, I'll play you one. How dare you, huh? Sing a ditty. Sing a ditty. From Guru. What a great Christian name. That was nice.

They were good. They were good. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side.

I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. I think I'm gonna go with the one from the other side. From Guru. What a great Christian band. That was nice. They were good. Gangstars, they were... This might be a little bit too loud. They were one of the best lyrical bands. Why was this? The 90s. The 90s, they were more popular.

And he died last night. Apparently he had cancer. And then he had a heart attack and then he just died. He succumbed to the cancer. 43 fucking years old, dude. Done. That's like me. Yeah.

40, 42. 42. I'm almost probably 43 and artist. Dudes are dying of like natural causes type shit. Yeah, like not even the weirdest thing. Not get hit by a meteor, he just fucking died. This shit just gave up. Broken leg, all those stuff in there.

It's over, son. That guy, what's his name, he's almost dead. Wears like a hundred pounds. He was in that scene in True Romance. Where he's like, you're a nigga. You're descended from Sicilians. You're a eggplant. Yeah, so it was Christopher Walken and then the other guy.

Yeah, the old dude. His father in that movie. You people know who the fuck we're talking about. The guy from, was he in Apocalypse Now? I don't remember that movie that well. He was also in Waterworld. He played the lead bad guy. Dex Hopper, thank you very much.

Jesus Christ. He's under 100 pounds now. Wow. So if he was a chick, he'd be hot. Yeah. That's the first out of life, man. Is that not the weirdest fucking thing in the world? It's these women that think that being super skinny like anorexic is hot.

That shit is disgusting. It's just more of a... Some people like it. They must. How could the fuck could any guy like that? That's so anti-nature. Nature, you want a woman to have some fat on her ass, you want her to have big tits so she can milk the baby, you want her to have fat on her ass so she can survive through the pregnancy. Those are all like, there's a reason why those things. Yeah, but those things are there for a reason. But that's why those things are there. The

reason why they're attractive. Yeah, the reason why they're attractive is... Okay, so why don't you talk to like fashions? Because that's too much. That's obese. That's unhealthy. But a little bit of fat is good. Like a little fat ass. I like a fat ass. What else is a little obese?

Just like chubby. That's not good because they can't move around good. You want athletic, but you want some fat on them. That's what it is. It's all nature. It's all leftover shit. I mean, think about how easy it is to trick your system. How about fake tits? We know they're fake. We know there's a bag of plastic underneath your skin, but still it makes you hotter. It looks hotter.

They poke out and they look ridiculous. That poor fucking girl, what is her name? Heidi Montag? You know who she is? Really? Yeah. He doesn't pay attention. He's the anti-gossip man. But this Heidi Montag chick, she's one of those celebrities for just being a celebrity. You're not exactly sure why she's a celebrity. She just had 10 plastic surgeries all together.

She had her chin done. Her tits done. She had all this shit done. Does she look better or worse? Some people say she looks better, but I didn't think she looked bad to begin with. She just had kind of

a big chin, like sort of like a Jay Leno thing going on. But she was pretty. Like, you know, she didn't have to do that. Like, it doesn't make you look better.

It just makes you look different. Definitely sluttier. She had big tits to begin with. She had like big fake tits and she got giant ones. Now they're ridiculous. They look stupid.

I like a solid C. Solid C is good, right? Yeah. It's amazing how it's different. I'll go with a D for there, but it's like, I don't need a crazy, crazy big. Yeah, when you see girls who have, it's so funny, LA is so fucked up with fake tits that you see girls who have real tits and they're kind of saggy and shit. I'm like, what's wrong with those meanwhile it's just like that's normal

yeah like go look at fucking videos of africa you know yeah you're not supposed to have these these missile tits that stick straight out of your chest that shit's not normal i think they look real nice when they go from like a b to a C. So they still hang down a little bit. They just look like perky. They just look like they did maybe when they were 20. It's amazing though how easy it is to trick us.

Self-plastic surgery is good. Demi Moore, those people, you know, it's like you've gotten the right plastic surgery. You look great. Demi Moore is 47 years old and she still looks hot.

How the fuck is she doing that? I saw that. That's incredible. The model with the bump there that? I saw that. That's incredible. The model with the fuck there? Sidney Crawford. Yeah. High as fuck. I'm not sure.

But it's like, no way. Not that much. Dude, I saw her in person. She was at a UFC maybe two years ago. How old is she? She's got to be 47, 48, somewhere around there. She's hot as fuck, dude. Still.

I'm sure the vagina is just done. I'm sure it's just dry as fuck. Really? Yeah. There's no more blood coming out of that thing. There's no more periods. 50? When you hit 50?

That's a wrap, so. So what are your periods? There's no more periods. That means you're not ovulating. It means you're not really able to have babies anymore. Yeah. Your body's shut the fuck off. You're just shooting loads into a cemetery.

You're shooting loads into a casket. There's nothing in there. It's a total trick you might as well be fucking a rubber doll I mean you're having sex with a person that's all well and good

but as far as like you shooting a load inside of her it's a total waste of time but waste of time we don't want babies I know you don't want babies I'm not saying that you do

but I'm saying like for nature it's like it's like I mean the only reason why sex feels good is to trick you into fucking so that you

make people. Did I ever tell you about the Jewish mystical theory about what happens to your semen that you wasted? No.

When you pull out or when you masturbate, your semen is said to have impregnated some demon woman that's like there,

like, appearing right here and she's just fucking you as you're masturbating. Oh my goodness. And when you get to masturbating. So you get her pregnant. And when you get to heaven,

or before you get to heaven, it's purgatory level. You have to face all your kids and they're like, why couldn't we be born real people? And they're all like deformed and mangled and you have to answer to all of them. Oh my God. That might be the greatest story ever. How come I've never heard of this before?

I don't know. How much Kabbalah do you study? So they taught you this when you were a child. Now the people that don't know, Ari spent a bunch of years in his youth as a seriously religious man. Like read the Torah how many hours a day? When I was in Israel probably like 10-12. 10-12 hours a day reading the Torah. We're going to have to fire up the volcano for that, son. Yeah, I got to pee too. All right, go ahead.

Grab some shit over there. This is great, man. You really advanced all of this. Oh, dude, I'm turning this bitch into a real studio. Did you get that shit? Dude, I did it solo. It took me like 12 hours. Well, I did have people help me get rid of the desk.

Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever heard of a volcano? Do you know what a volcano is? A volcano is a vaporizing device. And what vaporizing is, is, you know, the big argument about THC, about marijuana in general, is that you shouldn't smoke it because smoke is bad for your lungs. Well, you don't have to smoke it. You can eat it, but eating it is very tricky because you eat it, you get too fucked up because when you eat it, it's processed by the liver and it creates something called 11-hydroxymetabolite, which is four times more psychoactive than THC. And it's really a totally different experience. You know, that's why when people eat brownies, they freak out. He's a cop and he calls up the 911 and says that he thinks he's dying because

Because he and his girlfriend ate some pot brownies and he said time was moving really slow and he thinks he's dying Well, that's because oh, Eddie Bravo's here ladies and gentlemen. Oh! I got the office. You cleaned this motherfucker. Dude, I got rid of the desk and I'm turning this thing into a studio We're live right now. There's over 2,000 people. This is the biggest crowd we've ever had anyway That's a vaporizer vaporizer ladies and gentlemen it blows into this plastic bag, and it looks like like a like a you know

Like saran wrap or some shit, and you just get pure like saran wrap or some shit and you just get pure THC vapor and what it does is it heats up the little crystals on the THC and releases them and it comes out like mist so there's no smoke at all so there's no argument anymore there's no negative health effects that's my doctor for me he said smoke out of a vaporizer yeah vaporizers are shit so I'm gonna have two dedicated cameras in here, and this is going to be a green screen, and we're going to be in space. When I set this up, within two weeks,

this will all be green behind us, and then when we're watching it, it'll be like we're flying through the universe on a couch. Nice. It's going to be the shit. Or every episode is a different background. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes today we're in Africa. For real, though.

So what we were talking about, we went over volcanoes. I went over Strikeforce. I don't know if you got any opinion on Strikeforce. I said the whole reason why that brawl took place is because they didn't guard the cage. They didn't do a good job of making sure that nobody got in there. As soon as I saw the fight end, I was like, I want to go to this spot. I'm like, this fight's done. It's over. I never won. Well,

Mayhem went in there and talked when Jake Shields was in the cage and said, yo, Jake, when am I going to get that rematch?

Gilbert Melendez pushed Mayhem out of the way. The Diaz brothers jumped Mayhem. Jumped him? Mayhem pushed... Oh, jumped him. It was a brawl, dude.

It was kicking him when he was down. It was like four people on him. Eric Apple took Jake Shields and got him out of there and pushed him over to the other side so he could get involved in the brawl. I mean, it was a fucking bench-clearing brawl. Oh, that's awesome. It was pretty awesome. There was a great picture.

There's a great picture online where someone from the audience captured it on their phone or something where Jake Shields and Nick Diaz are coming. It's like from behind Jake or behind Mayhem. Yeah, it's a great show. Mayhem is standing there and Nick Diaz is like this and Jake Shields is like that and Gilbert Melendez is on the other side. Look, man, those fucking dudes, they have a lot of unity and I respect

that. And everybody's like, oh, they're thugs and they're this and that. Well, you've got to realize, man man these dudes are fucking professional cage fighters all right they're in there scrapping with each other every day they're down to die for each other their reputation is hugely important they're not going to fucking back down they're not going to have a situation where they look like a bitch they're not going to allow someone to think you know them just anybody to think that their buddy got disrespected but they didn't do anything about it that's not going to allow someone to think, anybody to think that their buddy got disrespected but they didn't do anything about it.

That's not going to happen. So any sort of a situation like that where a brawl takes place, I blame fucking Strike Force, man. I blame Strike Force for allowing that to get to that position. Allowing those fucking dudes to get into the cage. There was a brawl at the comic store last week. Really? Yeah.

There was some ethnic people that everyone was scared of. They asked them to leave and they laid out as far as the front patio. They were scared. So I'm like, just call the cops and get them out of here. But they wouldn't do it. Eventually, the fight broke out. And someone was like, Ari, let's go to the front. And I saw the fight and I'm like, I don't want to get involved in this.

I don't want to get stabbed by someone else. Fuck that. You're saying, Ari, let's go fight? Well, it's like everybody's like, come on, come to the front, defend everybody. Are the comedians looking at you as the enforcer now because of your two years in jujitsu? Seriously, come on. No, they're not. They're not?

They can't be for the pitchers' reasons. No, but there's got to be some guys who are like, so how long have you been doing it? Did you choke me out? There's probably like one or two. Oh, shit. You might be the baddest motherfucker at the comments, though. Did you hear what Gus Johnson said? Did you hear what Gus Johnson said? Do you hear what Gus Johnson said?

Somebody, now this hasn't been confirmed, but I'm just going to say it because I hope it's true. Gus Johnson, who's the guy, who's the black dude who does the commentary for Strikeforce, made a bunch of errors called like arm bars, camorra. I saw that. I was like, look at that. See this ladies and gentlemen? See the fog in that? That's mist. Well anyway, this reporter called him up and asked him about it. I think it was Mike Russell, I believe was his name. And he said, listen, dog, I know the difference between an Arbara and a Kimura.

I train. He said, if you want to come down and roll with me, I'll show you the difference. He's like challenging guys to roll with him. Like, he trains. Like, Gus Johnson. On the internet? Yes. Mike Russell. I can't read

in the internet no it's too far we can pull this closer but if we pull it closer the problem is there's three of us here it doesn't matter

can't read it we can't read it yeah we don't have to read it we can just talk we gotta pay attention to

the audience yeah but you can't pay attention to the audience and keep a conversation going at the same time sometimes. Um, see that? Yeah, it's not really harshing your lungs at all. See that? That's just like mist. You know what would be great? If like, if the DA busted and like, God, I don't know what to do.

We're all legal. We have prescriptions. Yeah, we're legal. I'm sick of AIDS and and I wouldn't mind if you made me aware of it. You have AIDS? Insomnia, bitch. No, not AIDS yet. So I'm going to crank this back up, and it'll fill the bag up again. Oh, no. And we'll go, one more time, son!

I think, seriously, though, seriously, because this is the 420 episode, we should be allowed to have, like, order pizza and, like, have food and shit. During the show? It's 420. We're getting high. Much higher. You know, like, snacking on shit?

Yeah, but that fucks up with the, that fucks up the conversation. No! You never had a great conversation in eating pizza?

Yeah, but people are watching this conversation. This conversation is like a show. But I'm talking about all the, I'm hungry. I'm starving. How long are we taking to get we're together I was gonna go to the

fast and take a fast with joy but why don't you just go walk into my kitchen and just go scrounge around we got a show to do something but we should repeat the turn we'll order pizza later order some pizza later order some pizza later and the idea will be the pizza comes right before we kill this thing, okay? How dare you, motherfuckers. So Ari was telling us something hilarious. Listen to this shit. Stop paying attention to that.

I'll shut that off, man. We need to be focusing on the show, son. Ari was telling us that there's an ancient Jewish whatever the fuck it is. Jewish mystical thought. There's when you waste seed, you're not supposed to waste semen. So they say when you pull out and you masturbate, you're not really masturbating, you're fucking a demon woman,

who's nothing, just like this ghost. And when you go to heaven, when you go to the afterlife, you face all your kids that would've been born in their real life, and they're born to this demon woman. And they're all deformed and like this. Why? Why'd you pull out? We wanted to be born real, little boys. That's hilarious.

I can't wait to die. See all my kids. I thought I didn't have any kids, man. I don't feel so bad now. Dude, you've got a billion. You've got a billion monster babies. I think it's per load. I don't know if they could uh...

Oh, they don't count sperm, so each time you're like fucking one demon. I think so. So how many demons do you think you got up in heaven? Dammit. I'm gonna have a much more efficient setup here as well, ladies and gentlemen. When we get back. Um... How many demons do you think you have? much more efficient setup here as well as Gemma when we get back. How many demons do you think you have?

I think on average, six a week. Five a week since I was... You shoot six loads a week? Sometimes more than one a day. Do you ever feel like a loser when you get more than one a day? No, I feel like I'm alive. My dick works. That's what I feel like. Like, yeah.

It's still working. I always feel like if I jerk off more than once a day, then I'm alive. My dick works. That's what I feel like. Like, yeah. It's still working. I always feel like if I jerk off more than once a day that I'm just obsessed. Yeah, three times a day is bad. That's bad. Obviously, I'm not horny. You know, I already jerked off.

And why am I doing this? I know, but why just sit there like a little monkey at the zoo? Yeah. No, in the wild, you'd be badass. What? Spreading your seed, man.'d be badass spreading your seed you're not spreading

your seed you're jerking off into a napkin but if there was a vagina there if there was a vagina there no one's ever said

no I'd rather just jerk off how crazy is that how crazy is that story my head feels better I'm sorry that someone's telling

you that masturbation is so bad that you're fucking a demon. That's like the worst case scenario. You're having sex with a demon and making half-demon babies that are going to be waiting for you when you die to scream and yell at you. That is because the institution of marriage, they want that. That helps religion. They want people making units and breathing.

It's amazing, though. Why do they give a fuck? I don. Like, why do they give a fuck? I don't know. Why do they give a fuck if you masturbate? What is it about masturbation, about no masturbation, you know, that somehow or another equates to them having more control over you? Well, the more you don't masturbate, the more you want to fuck. Right.

So you can fuck women, get married, have babies. The result is babies. So the more you masturbate, the less babies. Right. So that's got to be exactly why the Catholic Church doesn't want you having birth control too, right? Does that make sense? Yeah. Well, it's definitely way easier to control someone when they have kids.

I feel that myself. I feel like I'm easier to control. Now that you have kids, when you have kids, man, you want everything to be nice. You know, you want everything to be easy. You don't want any drama, you know? Turn it like this so you can get in the camera. There we go. You know?

But, man, the idea of demon babies, you're fucking a demon. They came up with the worst story ever. You're fucking a demon and you make babies that are half demon

and they're waiting for you when you die. What the fuck, man? That's still stuff. It's like, why stop? Because by the time you figure that out, you've already jerked off like a thousand times. You're like, a thousand demons, 50,000 demons, I'm fucked either way. Might as well enjoy this life.

You're facing an army of demons. Who cares how they feel? There's got to be something you can do to cancel out the other demons to make up for it. Oh, good point. There's got to be. Is there another thing you can do? No, they didn't mention that. Like, what if you led a great life,

had 12 babies, you know, with your wife, but masqueraded three times? You get to heaven, you have three little demon babies. You're still going to... Maybe there's, like, tasks you can do on Earth that cancel out your demon babies.

I don't know. Is there? There's got to be. You've got to look into it. There's got to be, because what about people that are trying to convert into this religion?

They're like, I would but god damn it if I do that. The Jews don't give a fuck. I already got 75,000 demons. The Jews are the least recruiting religion ever. They don't give a fuck. We try to convince you not to do it. Yeah, they make it really hard to do it. Also the Jewish thing. Yeah. Is this like a regular Jewish thing or a big beard Jewish thing? No, no, no. All of them. You're trying to convert? All of them. They know All of them. You don't want five. I've never heard of this before yeah, I never heard of it either They'll tell you if you have old test but they're like that's like second chapter old. No it is I started the Torah so like Jesus study the Torah ten hours a day You know you remember any of my children's over when David was a kid the Jews so powerful that they wouldn't allow any conversions Wow they were like no one's doing it for the right reasons.

We can't risk it. That's deep. Yeah. And you guys, what do you guys think of Jesus? They think that he was a real person. Okay. That spoke about things. He was sort of a wise man, but they went off the deep end.

So they looked down on Christianity for choosing Jesus as their Savior and Lord? Yes, they would say that, no, no, no, it's not the right guy to choose. It's so funny how they're all sort of kind of connected. Judaism is sort of kind of connected with Christianity. It's like, that's why

all the really conservative, fundamentalist Christians wanted to control Israel and support Israel because they believe in the rapture and they believe that, you know,

when the shit goes down, that's the place to be. Like, you have to protect them. But they believe that they're wrong. Even though the Bible says that they're

the chosen people, the Christians just go, yeah, but you guys got the story all fucked up. We got it right. And don't... Wouldn't it be an awesome

thing for the Jews if it came out that Jesus actually never existed? Wouldn't it be like, dude, you guys, he never even existed. You know what I mean? That would crush the Christians. Well, what proof do they have that Jesus existed? Historical documents. Well, I looked online, man, and apparently that's very much

in debate. There's a lot of scholars that do not believe he was an actual person. Muslims believe that Jesus existed, but just was a man. The Jews believe that Jesus existed and he was a man. It would benefit their cause

because they would kill each other. They'd slice each other if you weren't their religion. I believe that some of the former rabbis, the great rabbis, would talk about who he was, Jesus. See, that's what my thing is. That makes me think that even though there isn't that much proof that he actually even was alive and there's a lot of holes and that one DVD, the God that never was, all that shit. How come the Jews and the Muslims don't jump on that Jesus Christ never existed? Why don't they?

They can't prove it first of all. Yeah, exactly. So that makes me think, damn, he probably was a man who was a bad motherfucker. Who knows? That's what it sounds like. But the issue is you can't prove it. They said false prophets. They said there's many false prophets.

Either way, if the guy existed, for sure he didn't walk on water and come back from the dead. Yeah. That was like someone thinking Bruce Lee could really beat up 50 people. You know what I mean? Like Bruce Lee, the real guy, and Bruce Lee, the superstar, two different fucking people. But it's hilarious how many people banked their life on some story that would not make any fucking sense if you told it today.

Like if you told that story today and said there was a dude who walked on water and came back from the dead, everybody would go, just shut the fuck up. That's ridiculous. But because it's 2,000 years ago, everybody's like, whoa. That shit could really happen. Isn't that nuts? Like anything, like rational people that you talk to that would, there was a guy that when we were doing Fear Factor who

we did a family Fear Factor where we came to people's houses and made them do things. You know, we traveled all across the country. This dude was a teacher. He was a fucking math teacher. And he was telling me, like, scientifically that Jesus existed. Because you can prove it because they've looked at molecules that are too complex to have just occurred naturally. Oh. This is a super, that's a ridiculous argument.

Yeah. And this is a super, super smart guy. And I was listening to him talk. You know, supposedly a super smart guy. And I was listening to this guy talk. I'm like, how nutty is that? That this guy can't see that he believes in some nonsense. Also, that's not the reason you can say anything is existing.

Because something is too amazing to exist naturally. Like, millions and millions of reasons. That does not, it's not true. If you see someone draw a picture of Jesus, and it captures that this is Jesus, that's better proof. Right, but you can never say that nothing can exist naturally. You don't know the power of nature. Nature is absolutely ridiculous, completely unpredictable. There's subatomic particles that blink in and out of existence all the time.

They appear in two places at once. This is science. Real shit we know that exists in nature. The whole pattern of nature is gigantic. The Fibonacci sequence that you see in pine cones and pineapples and all sorts of different plants. And it exists in human facial features. And there's like a mathematical code to all this stuff. It doesn't mean that there's a fucking dude pressing the button.

It might mean that the whole thing is just super complicated and conscious. What do you mean dude pressing the button? There's a God? There's a god There's a dude. We want to break it down like someone like us We want to like make a super version of us that's running. Well, yeah You're talking about that the old man with the beard in the sky Jesus on everything everything every oh no for sure the fables of course

You know no worse, but it's course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. It sounded like you were saying that you were describing how wonderful the universe is in the Fibonacci series and how it's all like this code and structure. I said the greatest of nature.

Why does there have to be a God doing that? To me, I was like, there is an intelligent other side that is way too complex for us to understand. Well, it's what I don't think it is. I mean, it could be that everything has an intelligence about it. What I don't think it is is a single entity. I think it's much more likely that the whole thing. Oh, of course.

It's an interconnected thing. We totally agree on that. It's like an ocean. It's an ocean, and then we're like little water molecules, but it's the ocean. It's an interconnected thing. We totally agree on that. It's like an ocean. We're like an ocean and then we're like little water molecules. But it's the ocean. It's all exactly. And that's what psychedelic experiences feel like. It feels like you're in the ocean sometimes.

It feels like you're all connected all around you to something that you don't see ordinarily. Those mushrooms. I never told you. I did them by myself on a fucking Thursday night. I decided to party by myself. Yeah. I took all those fucking mushrooms. I decided a party by myself yeah did I took all those fucking mushrooms I got pictures and everything and the whole thing that wasn't five grams though no it wasn't five five grams before that was like

three and a half okay so I did them all myself yeah and just want to let you know it was pretty fucking insane. Yeah. It was insane. But not as intense as it would have been at five grams. It was pretty intense, but the five grams was like DMT. Five grams really is that threshold point where boom, that was about a year and a half ago when I did the five grams and fucking, I was at a zoo, and I just woke up in the zoo.

I thought doing mushrooms at the zoo would be fucking awesome. You know what I mean? Outdoors, you hear mushrooms, go out in nature, zoo, but that is like anti-nature. Fuck, I freaked the fuck out. How did I get the fuck out?

Did you feel like you were in prison? Like you were watching their sorrow? Oh yeah, for sure. We just had to get the out super negative man i feel terrible when i go to the zoo i do not like it at all it makes me feel bad i used to enjoy it because i used to enjoy staring at the animals but then one time i went high i went one time when i was super baked and when i did what i did when i was super baked i What I did when I was super baked, I got really, I felt terrible. I got really sad.

I thought it was, you know, a terrible, terrible thing that they were doing was just taking these animals and shoving them into these cages and they don't even get to do it and they just pace. Yeah, the polar bear at the LA Zoo, he'll just pace back and forth by that back door, just waiting for that fucking back white door. What are you hoping? Fake eyes at back white door like fake eyes and a white door he's just wait right there by that white door that's crazy yeah that's horrible man I freaked the fuck out

went out to the parking lot and this chick I was with me we did the exact same thing we saw the exact same shit we looked at the mountains ago we would stop in the middle of parking lot everything was connected it was all connected look at the sky it's like this guy would dance before and it's like Aztec writing we look at the mountains in the distance like miles away like Pasadena mountains and almost like Aztec pattern that form in the aztec pattern isn't it and i was going you see him look at the mountains what do you see it it's like as the aztec patterns dance now look at the sky the clouds the clouds are in their spot for a second

and then they form and i remember connor telling me because connor is the one who uh um turned me on to the dude who had him yeah Yeah. He said the same thing. He goes, dude, this fuck, the clouds are going to dance for you. I'm like, wow. I didn't even pay attention to that, really, until it was actually happening.

We get in the fucking car. You're like, okay, cool. I swear to God, I was driving on the freeway, freaking out. I didn't know if there was cars next to me, on the side of me, but it really did look like,

as I was driving on the freeway, like I was in like i was in uh what dreams may come remember that shit i was driving on the freeway and it was like rose petals and like bushes would form in front of my car i'm driving really rose petals and bushes it was fucking insane dude that that by way, we don't want to encourage. I just wanted to get home. Driving the ball high on mushrooms. No, I was just trying to get home.

That was a terrible mistake. All I wanted to do is get home, get in my little fucking dark room, and just close my eyes and enjoy that light show. Because that light show was fucking insane. The twirling beauty of, you just can't even explain it. It's just fucking insane. That's all I wanted to see. Why do you think that you see certain religious symbolism

and Hindu shit and Buddhas and... That's where they got it from. You think that's where they got it from? Fuck yeah. It must be, right? Dude, people have been doing mushrooms since the dawn of time. Of course. When I looked at it, I'm like, that's where all this shit comes from. All that Alex Gray shit. He's telling you that's where it's coming from Alex gray is what these old cut like like you know those things that I have in my office that the

Garuda those birds you know those you know I'm talking about in the media room I know there's crazy psychedelic first and when when I did DMT once much I saw those things I saw like that imagery and then when I went toT once, I saw those things. I saw that imagery. And then when I went to a store and saw them for sale, I'm like, oh my God, whoever created that thing was there. They had to have seen that. You could see that first. Why is that?

I don't know. Is it something that's already there? We just can't tune into it until we take psychedelics? Or is it the same hallucination happens to every person who takes a drug? I think, I mean... Is that possible? I don't know. I think that it's just, it opens up your senses somehow to this other dimension

and all these dimensions that are all around us. Right, like we're in a radio And we're only tuned into 97.1 because an infinite number of stations. We're just going to another station That's possible to was that I think just watching the brain makes you make see things weird possible, I don't I don't personally think I don't think that I don't think the shit that I'm seeing I don't know what you're saying, but the shit that I'm seeing with five grams I don't know if you've done five grams, but the shit you see when you do five grams, for me, who knows,

it seems impossible for me to dream that up in my brain. Like, it's just the most beautifully constructed, flowing shapes of nothing random. You know, when you're not high, you close your eyes, you see random blackness. There's no pattern. You might see lit type flashes of light. But when you close your eyes on Mushroom,

all of a sudden, there's this show that's about a thousand times more complex than that visualizer you got on iTunes. And that's pretty fucking cool. That visualizer's pretty cool. It's in that same vein but a thousand times more complex.

Way more complex. And I'm like, I'm not making, I'm not designing this, I'm not controlling this. There's someone else controlling this. Someone else is making

this shit, not me. It seems like that's definitely one option but another option is that that stuff supercharges your perceptions and just makes your imagination

more hypersensitive and it makes your visualizations go wild because it reacts with, you know, all sorts of eyes that you use to see things. This is a parasite that lives in the sewers and it only feeds on cats' brains. So what it does is it... It's like a worm, right? Yeah, but it lets rats eat them and then it burles into the brain and the only thing it changes the rats and change any of the behavior all except it takes their way their fear of cats so they will get

eaten by a cat everything else saying they eat and breathe to do everything when they see a cat they're like oh what's up nothing major cat kills it goes into the yeah that's incredible and that's his brain. He's like, no, it's totally fine. We talked about this one on the show,

the other one that they do where there's a worm that gets inside a grasshopper and convinces the grasshopper to commit suicide so that it can hatch out of its body. It grows inside a grasshopper

and teaches the grasshopper to jump into the water and kill itself. It's an aquatic worm. So it has to be hatched in the fucking water. How money are things like that? That's just crazy.

That's just like existing on a whole new level of concentration. Yeah, like just that alone right there is so fucking amazing. Yeah. It's so amazing.

It's just another like, you know, there's something going on, dude. There's something going on. I think, well, there's definitely something going on, I just think I think well there's definitely something going on but I think our idea that our culture is based on it's just that we want it to be close to us we want it to be like a super version of us which is like what a God is it's like a super version of a human

but you know with all these rules and God is you know fucking kind of addictive and gets pissed at you if you fuck up and, you know, a lot of religions is willing to kill you if you don't listen to them. You know,

we want it like a super version of us but it's much more possible that this whole thing is just connected to something that

you can't stop. You know, some big, powerful thing that feeds off itself. Everything in this world has a role and plays a part in this thing. It's just we're used to it. We don't realize how nutty it really fucking is because we're used to it.

Because it's just a normal part of our day. And people get used to anything. People in Africa have giant plates they stick in their lips. And all the girls do it. And they're used to it. We just get used to stupid shit. And once we're used to something, then everything becomes fine. And then we think that there's some sort of a grand order

to things. It's really getting weirder and weirder as I get older. As I get older and I look at our culture and I look at life on this planet and I look at my own mortality, the fact that I'm like the next half of my life is going to be the half of my own mortality. The fact that I'm like the next half of

my life is going to be the half of my life where my body doesn't work good. That's just the way it is. Getting close to dying. You're going to have health issues if you don't watch your diet. You have to make sure you get the proper sleep or you might get heart attacks and shit. Things start going wrong.

When you really start assessing this whole big picture of what this really is, it's like, I feel like I've been flying without a manual for so long. Just operating my life, not really having any idea how to do it correctly.

Just fucking up, learning from my fuck-ups, starting from scratch. I feel like there's such... It's got to be a way better way to learn life than the way we do it. So it's like by the time you get, by the time you can get yourself and your own personality figured out,

and your own, the way you interact with people figured out, by the time you get that figured out, it's like, God, you're already dying. Like I think every guy, every guy has an age to think, oh, if I know what I do now, and I go back to, bam, that age, I can get laid so much. Oh, God back to that age and get laid so much oh yeah you look like you were 30 for like 30 years yeah yeah I knew I was like 19 I knew right on now they need better maybe more advancements in skincare with a man it seems like we're not supposed to live

long enough to figure this out it seems like the reason why turtles live to be a thousand years all the people want to be a hundred is because we're not supposed to live long enough to figure this out. It seems like the reason why turtles live to be 1,000 years old and people live to be 100 is because we're not supposed to. Turtles live 1,000 years? Yeah, there's some tortoises. No way. How am I going to know that? I watch Discovery all the fucking time. Was that on National Geographic? God damn it.

1,000? Like today, right now. Oh, yeah. God damn. 1,000 years, right now. Goddamn. A thousand years old. Just from the last. Damn. So they literally lived like back when people were writing, like, you know, like, fucking

what was the thousand year old writing? They should put like little black boxes on the side. Like a baby journal. They had to write everything out on paper. Yeah. Everything was written out. A thousand years ago they might have been doing it on animal skins too a lot. You know?

That's crazy. You know, like the Dead Sea Scrolls, that shit was all written on animal skins. Those motherfuckers didn't even know paper. They didn't even have paper back then.

There could be a Dead Sea Scroll on a fucking turtle right now. Yeah, attached to one. I wish I knew for sure who's telling the truth

about the Dead Sea Scrolls because I don't have enough time to learn ancient Hebrew or what is it Aramaic and go back and read the Dead Sea Scrolls

and decipher it for myself but there's all this dispute on what the Dead Sea Scrolls actually mean and some people say that it contains all kinds of nutty shit like fucking UFOs

and flying saucers. And, I mean, there's guys who have deciphered Dead Sea Scrolls. Like the John Marco Allegro guy says it's all about mushrooms. He said all it was about was them eating the aminated muscaria mushroom and fertility rituals. And he breaks it all down, like the origins of the words. But people argue against him, and I don't know who's right. It's too complex. They should have a fucking live thing on ABC where all the best scientists on the planet, all the best linguists, they get together.

That should be important. Let's decipher this shit in front of the world. Live satellite feed from fucking France or something. I believe Allegro passed away, the guy who wrote that book. But he was one of the head guys deciphering the Dead Sea Scrolls. He worked on it for 14 years, and he was the only agnostic in the group. You know, they had a bunch of people that were ordained ministers, and they were the decipherers, and they were all religious people. And he

started out a religious person, but when he started studying theology, he realized somewhere along the line, this is obviously bullshit, and he just became agnostic. So he looked at the whole picture completely different than all the other guys. They all refuted his findings. But there's a lot of people that say he's right.

A lot of people that say that he was the head scholar. He was the number one dude, and he was the guy who had it all right. He was the guy who was looking at it objectively, and everybody else was looking at it with a religious slant. This fucking guy thinks it was all about mushrooms. It was all about psychedelic mushrooms. That they would hide these mushrooms from the Romans.

And they would hide what the magic and what the mushrooms can do. And the way they hid it from them was in stories. And they didn't even write it down for like a thousand years. They just told each other as a story for a thousand years. So it just became all fucked up. And so he breaks down like ancient words. He broke down the word Christ. He brought it back to an ancient

Sumerian word that means a mushroom covered in God's semen. Nice. Because when they thought it was raining, they thought God was coming on the earth. That's why things would come up out of the earth. Like, come wasn't bad to them. So like when God would rain and he was coming on the earth, these mushrooms would just appear

because they didn't have microscopes. They didn't know what a fucking spore is. They couldn't see microscopic things. So they didn't see any seed or anything and all of a sudden these big mushrooms appear like the next day. They grow quick. Then they start eating them and they trip their fucking balls off. They don't want anybody else to know about this so they tried to hide this information they

were told all they were keeping it from their enemies Wow isn't that nuts God jerk it off it's not that's how they used to look at it or did he pull out You came somehow. Dude, you've got to think about this. Like daddy. You've got to think about this. If it feels so good to have a baby right now, think about how good it feels to have a baby right now.

It's an amazing, incredible feeling. But most babies now, they live. They live to be grown-ups. They go to be adults. You don't have to worry about them getting eaten by lions. You don't have to worry about plague getting eaten by lions. You don't have to worry about plague. But the people that lived back then had the same love for their kids as we do now. But they couldn't help it.

So people were dying left and right. There's nothing you can do to stop it. That must have been nuts, man. That must have been fucking horrifying. Having kids that just died. That's why they had all these rituals. Fertility

rituals are so important. They wanted to have as many kids as possible. They didn't understand ovulation. Roman times is 50%. Half the people die. Half the kids die. Before what? Probably like adulthood.

I guess. Only half of them make it to adulthood. It's probably like adulthood. Yes, that's... I don't think that makes sense. Like, only half of them make it to adulthood. God. It's so fucked up. Oh, can you imagine what it was? What's it like back then? That was on Discovery, so I don't know the history channel. Don't quote me on that.

But adulthood is like 14. Oh, no, that makes sense. But I remember that. Look, even if it wasn't 50%, it had to be a high number. I mean, they just didn't have... You guys, can someone check that? Mortality rate, enrollment times? Go to that shit site. I think it's 50%. Could had to be a high number. I mean, they just didn't have enough air. You guys, can someone check that? Mortality rate, enrollment times? Go to that shit site.

I think it's 50%. Could be wrong. Dude, I've had two major surgeries. Both my knees reconstructed. Both ACLs. And one more minor surgery, my meniscus surgery on my knee. Yeah. But if I lived, you know, a thousand years ago, I'd be fucked, man.

I'd be fucked. You wouldn't be doing jiu-jitsu. No. So that wouldn't have happened. Dude. You wouldn't be doing jiu-jitsu, so that wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have been playing softball. But it could have happened anyway. People do it working. You wouldn't have been a softball champion.

Softball. I smashed my knee. Can you imagine? There's guys out there that are fucking champions at softball. Like, they're the fucking Mark McGuire of softball. There's guys out there. are fucking champions in softball. Like they're the fucking Mark McGuire of softball. There's guys out there. Who is the Hicks and Gracie of softball?

We need to find that out. Hicks and Gracie of softball. How accurate can you be when you whip that fucking thing around? They are. It looks dope. That's nuts. Them chicks. Yeah.

I don't think I've ever seen a chick throw that hard regular. Have you ever seen a chick throw that hard regular? No. It's totally the right way to do it. Yeah. Why do they throw it in the mix? That's like. You know, it's like, it's like breaking the balls in pool.

You know how you try to break the balls really hard. But if you watch like a little person, they have like a loose wrist and just smash. There's like a timing to it where they just know exactly how to put their weight into it. It's like, hmm. It's weird. Jiu-Jitsu is such a strange thing when it comes to techniques. It's like the more you do techniques, the more those techniques just become

ingrained in the way your body moves. Your body just gets real good at the movement. So you can teach your body movement. What did you think of Jay Shields' control on that fucking incredible J. Shields is a natural 170 pounder and Dan Henderson

is a monster dude he took first of all I'm just impressed as fuck that he survived that first round

that first round he got face planted he got blasted like Henderson hit him on the butt no I erased it I erased it

Henderson hit him on the butt. No, I erased it. I erased it. Henderson hit him on the button. You erased it. Yeah, I erased it. We can get it online, man. We can get it online. We'll watch that. But Henderson face plants

face plants shields. Yeah, he just had to blindly die for a leg. Dude, he got cracked. And then Henderson hits him again with a hard uppercut, dude. And he he got cracked. And then Henderson hits him again with a hard uppercut, dude.

And he goes down again. He got fucked up in that first round. I was like, oh, he's got a chance. But then he came on strong in the second round. And Henderson started to fade a little bit. And Jake Shields started taking him down, fucking controlling him. And they were saying that Henderson's

been having problems with his back. So he looked kind of stiff. That could have been what's going on I could have been why I couldn't couldn't stuff the takedown but pan shields look good total control mountain oh just mountain them over and over again and Henderson could not shake them couldn't finish them and never went for one arm bar but that's it sports money it is for 20 on for two ridiculous oh my goodness yeah I think 420 is time to order pizza no wait can be an orange and you just give us that address no it just takes they don't give a shit they do though there's people listening this on

iTunes too at this point in time they're already like, Are we allowed to eat pizza? I bet no one says no. I think Reese is a good idea. They're all like, yeah. Reese, yeah dude, go for it. Fuckin' take news slides. Yeah, I like your tucker.

No sardines please. Fuck yeah. You can't even read son. Look. I need to get you god damn. More please. Fuck yeah. You can't even read, son. Look. I need to get you got there. More pizza. More pizza. Pizza for everyone. Eyeballs fixed.

Hey, how come you haven't gotten that operation that your eyeballs fixed? See? No pizza. Fuck you. Fuck you, Appy387. Hey, how come you haven't got your eyeballs fixed? Are you scared of that? No, I'm not scared at all.

I just haven't done it. Would you want to do it though? Yeah. What about you? That part is actually... But like the contacts are just so easy. Like I don't even know they're in. I never even got contacts.

Sometimes I leave my contacts in for like 3 or 4 days and shit. Really? Yeah. I don't think you're supposed to. But don't you want to get them fixed though? Yes. You want to not have the contacts? Yeah. Tell us you've got to make up for it, man.

There's an incredible little thing you can do is put these little things in your eye, and now you can see better. Yeah, I see fine. How nutty is that? I mean, seeing is so fucking important. And you can fix it with a little piece of plastic. How did they figure that shit out? How did they figure out contacts?

Someone figure that out. That's incredible. That's incredible. That might be one of the coolest inventions of all I want to see a documentary It's not People change things right now think about what all the shit that people can do right now. It's getting so nutty. It's getting so crazy. Yeah What the fuck is gonna be the next big thing because no one saw the internet coming, you know No one ever thought I was gonna affect people the way it's affecting

the human race right now. Because if they did, they would have never let it get out. No corporations would have ever wanted the internet. It's too tricky. It's too hard to control. It's too unpredictable. What the fuck is going to be the next thing? This isn't going to be the last thing.

You don't think the internet, that's it? It's got to be the next thing? This isn't going to be the last thing. You don't think that's it? It's got to be like hologram laptops where you're just going to need maybe a little block and then it just blows up or something. I think it's going to be neural implants. Just think and it happens. I think it's going to be neural implants. Or the other idea that I have was not a neural implant, but that they figure out the frequency of your brain.

Like, what if they get your brain to work like a Wi-Fi signal? Like, what if your brain, like, obviously, you know, input comes into your brain in the form of hearing things and seeing things. And these electrical impulses, wherever the hell sight and sound is created and how you represent that stuff in your head, that's like, those are like signals that are coming in from your eyes, from your organs. What if there's a way to get that signal out into the air? So instead of like it having to be like directly, you know, input into your brain with, you know, with just, you know, with sight signals and just uh you know with sight signals and with you know the the the signals that your ear is giving what if there's a way to tune the whole mind like a

wi-fi with some sort of a neural implant or something that like activates a certain portion of the brain and literally allows your brain to tune in to everyone else's brain like we all like share a giant hard drive. Like that totally seems possible. It seems to me like they just have to figure out how that would work and what kind of a frequency that would operate under. But if they can introduce all sorts of things into people's brains. This guy, they did an operation on him, and they stimulated a part of his brain,

and he started, I forget what they were trying to do. This was an accident. But in stimulating part of his brain and he started, I forget what they were trying to do. This was an accident. But in stimulating part of his brain, he started remembering shit from his childhood like in graphic detail. Like it was happening right there, right in front of him. Like they literally figured out how to charge

and jumpstart your memories. You know, if they could do shit like that, they can introduce thoughts to people's minds, they can read vision, they can read vision now. They can like put little things on your head and you look at something and a computer will show an image of what you're looking at. That's incredible. It's insane.

I mean, not a good image. They haven't figured it out good yet, but it can read letters. You can see the letter A. Really? Yes. But not like pictures. Not yet, not if you read letters, you can see the letter A. Really? Yes! But not like pictures? Not yet, not yet. But dude, it's close, man. Well, then they'll be able to figure out, like, memories too. Exactly.

How do we rethink the world if we realize that, you know, memories are completely unpredictable. That memories are, they're so easy to scramble. When you think about how much of human history was just written down and spoken on memories, how bad are memories?

Lately when I get to argue with somebody about something, you know, a waste thing's happened, and they're like, no, that's not what happened, and you're like, you know what, we're just remembering it differently. And I have no idea if I'm the one who's wrong or they are, but it's like, we don't share the same memory. It's a good way to look at it. And I'd like to say, no, no, no,'s wrong or they are. But it's like, it's a good way to look at it. And I'd like to say like, no, no, no, you're remembering it wrong. But it's like, why do I think I'm the one? You got to be real careful about that.

I went back to my town where I grew up in. And I hadn't been here in like 10 years. And I remember everything different, man. I'll never forget that. My house looked different. The fucking street looked different. I thought the staircase was on a different side of the street like I had it all fucked up in my head that's where I went to the place I

lived at when I was three in LA an apartment and my dad got my mom yeah exactly yeah yeah I was shocked some places change though you know let's do my it might like knock down a building and change shit around you don't know that building was exactly the same. How old were you when you remembered it? Three. I got like maybe four images from three. That's incredible.

The way the street looked there, the Safeway. I remember that Safeway used to be there. I feel like at this time you're just remembering having remembered. You're remembering the memory you had a year ago, and then you're remembering the memory you had two years before that. I think that's very important. You remember your memory of the memory. Yeah.

I don't even think I have those original old memories before. I just remember thinking about them. And then one little thing can throw you off, and then it shifts your idea. Oh, no, that's not what happened. Oh, wait, no, no, no. This happened, and then all of a sudden you see it better. But you were just committed to the way you saw it 10 seconds ago,

and it was the incorrect way. It's not fucking reliable enough. It's what I was thinking before about people, like the reason why turtles live to be 1,000 years and people only live to be 100, is I don't think you can keep our purpose going and keep us living. Because the way society seems to work best is that people

don't live long enough to figure out that it's all bullshit you know because if they do then chaos restructuring everything goes to a different way and that's not the way that humans are going right now the way we're going it's like some sort of a global domination thing some sort of a technological singularity thing we're moving further and further and. If we were able to step back and as a culture get old enough to realize how silly that all is and realize how much better life would be if we all just relaxed and shared resources and be nice to each other and treat the world as if we're friends and work this all out together, but nothing would ever get done. Things get done because people are competing. When people are competing, people hate the other people they're competing against, whether

it's countries or companies or political parties or anything. So when that kind of shit happens, that competition is why we make newer and better things. If there was no competition like that, there wouldn't be the pressure to be the best at everything. If you didn't hate the other people, there wouldn't be this pressure to dominate them and crush them. That's a part of progress. But can we live in a world like the Amazon Indians?

Can the whole world live like that? Well, there's a reason why those dudes are still running around with fucking pieces of animal flesh covering their dick. Is that wrong? I don't know if it's wrong. Maybe that's right. Maybe it is. It's certainly an alternative.

But I think we have to look at human nature as being natural. And I think that if we look at everything else as being natural, if we look at the way wolves behave and the way monkeys behave, we look at their simple lives as being natural. Why don't we look at the course of humanity as being natural? We're pretending that it's something that we all consciously control.

But if we do, why is it so fucked up still? Why is there so much political corruption when we Why is there so much political corruption when we know there's so much political corruption? Why are we still going to war when we know that wars are ridiculous and that they're only ways for profit? Why do we keep continuing along the same lines, even though rationally we must know at a certain point in time, this is an insane way to live? Well, maybe it's because that's just the way people live. I believe it.

That's what people do. I believe it. That we're moving towards, that this behavior pushes us towards something. It pushes us towards some creation. Some kind of global purpose. Yes. Something. Some end of humanity. We're all in our little worlds thinking it's all about us, but meanwhile, whatever's going on, you're just producing an energy that's needs to you know collectively do something right world or something like we got our lives and it goes to win that would or was are you saying about that parasite like think about that think about the animal that this parasite was the animals parasite lives it has no fucking idea you know they have no idea where the rat has no fucking idea. You know? They have no idea. No idea. Not aware of its existence at all.

I mean, the rat has no idea, the cat has no idea what it eats the rat. I mean, the whole thing is bananas. It's bananas and it's all interconnected.

They said it's possible that's what makes those crazy cat ladies too. They said a few people aren't immune to the fucking parasite. Well, they said there is a...

They want to surround themselves with the cat. They don't know why. There is a certain cat parasite that has infected a tremendous amount immune to the fucking parasite. They once surrounded some cat, I don't know why. There is a certain cat parasite that has infected a tremendous amount of the female population in like Brazil and a bunch of other countries and this is

an actual parasite that makes women more docile. Probably the same thing. Docile, no fear. I have to look that up because I remember that it does sound market that shit

I know right that's why women in Brazil I have to find this, I have to google this right now this is too strange I have to find this out because I can't remember what it was when I read it. I'm just, parasite in Brazil, cats, women. I got to find this fucking article. Mood-altering cat parasites make women friendly and men

into jerks. Dude, that's Brazil. And men into jerks? I mean, think about how many really friendly girls come from Brazil and how many super aggressive dudes. That's hilarious. Yeah? If you look up, Google what I looked up, you come up with quite a few articles about it.

It's a parasite that causes rats to sacrifice themselves to cats, may also change human behavior making women more outgoing and warm-hearted and men more jealous and suspicious. The toxoplasma protist is shed in cat feces, which are then eaten by rats. Infected rats become fearless in the presence of cats, which makes them easier to catch, which in turn spreads the disease to new cats. Holy shit. It makes women nicer. It makes men douchebags.

That's hilarious. Nature is totally rooting against us. They're finding new ways to keep us fucked up. How crazy is that, man? How crazy is that? Because men who are more douchey are more likely to fuck a bunch of different women and impregnate them. Like, fuck their friends' women. You know what I'm saying?

Like, the more douchey the guy is, the more he's going to do, like, creepy shit to go get laid. So the more likely that's going to make, like, accidental babies all over the place. It's going to keep spreading. Yeah, maybe nature likes douchebags. Well, it's like, it goes back to what I said. It's almost like you don't really achieve unless there's competition. And competition doesn't really mean anything unless it's competition like primal. You know, a man who hates you.

You hate him and he hates you. And it really forces you to work hard. You know, that's why companies fucking hate each other. Companies that compete against each other are rarely friendly. You know, they fucking hate each other. Companies that compete against each other are rarely friendly. You know, they fucking hate each other. Maybe they're supposed to. Maybe that's the most efficient way to get things done. You have to light a fire under someone's ass in order to get the most productivity out of them.

Hate equals productivity. Yeah, it's like your life would certainly be better off if you didn't have that, you know, that aspect to you. But you wouldn't be as successful if you didn't have that aspect to you, but you wouldn't be as successful if you didn't have that aspect to you either. So fucked up shit like war, that's not supposed to happen. That's a terrible conclusion.

It's a terrible conclusion, but it might be that everything we do is the way we're supposed to do it. There you have it, Joe is for war. It's not that I want to do it, but someone's going to do it. It's just the way they've been doing business forever. It's going to take way too long for that to settle down. All these people that promise that they're not

going to have war anymore, like look at Obama. He promised that he was going to stop all this. He's going to pull people out. And he's just more in than ever. More in than ever. I just want to thank, remember how George Bush got made fun of for playing golf? Yeah. They said Obama has already played more golf than George Bush has in, like, I think his first term.

Wow. Within his first year. He's played 32 times. They said George Bush played 28. And he cut a lot of flack for 28 times. Obama's a very smart guy. Very good speaker. That's really all I have to say.

Other than that, I'm not seeing anything different. He's not doing any of the things he said he would do. I don't know about the stimulus package. I don't know what's going to really happen with that. How come you haven't looked into that shit? It's too fucking complicated.

Did you look into healthcare? No. You didn into healthcare? No. You didn't even bother? Nah. Fuck it. Well, my problem with all this stuff is where do I put my attention? How much time do I have in a day? What do I want to think about?

Do I want to concentrate on, oh, how are they fucking us? Oh, you know, where's this more corruption coming in? What is this? Do I really want to focus on that? Sometimes. Or do you want to focus on the fucking November ballot when they legalized POP completely? That would be insane. What's the latest on that? If they do that, Ari and Eddie and myself are medical

patients. We are California law. We're all sick. I have insomnia. I have lower back pain. I have insomnia. I've gotten injured. I have two surgeries on my knees. It's all real.

Yeah. And it's a nice calming agent for you during the day. It's a perspective enhancer, right? I just do it for the insomnia. I say I don't smoke pot all the time. I just smoke before I have sex it for the insomnia. I say I don't smoke pot all the time. I just smoke

before I have sex, before I do comedy, before I write comedy, before I do jujitsu, before I know I'm going to eat something delicious. So it's not

all the time. It's just before cool shit to make it better. I almost feel like now whenever I'm like I'm going to go get a burrito

or something, it's like, oh, let me make this better and then I'll get the burrito. The first time Eddie got me high we went and got ice cream sundaes. He was like, oh, I'm going to go get a burrito or something. He's like, oh, let me make this better. And then I'll get the burrito. The first time Eddie got me high, we went and got ice cream sundaes. He was like, um, so delicious.

You went on stage that night and you were talking about how great that ice cream sundae was. You couldn't believe it. It was the greatest thing I've ever had in my life. You wrote material about how good it tasted. It was so good. Well, right away, the material made more sense. I could write material right there. By the way, the Iron Sheik smoked weed only during his big fights

before all Hulk Hogan fights. That's so crazy to know. That's what he said. He liked smoking weed after he trains and after he wrestles unless it's a big match like Bob Backlund and all the Hulk Hogan. He was always high during those matches.

He loves weed. He knows a lot about weed. Iron Sheik knows his shit. He also knows a lot of other shit too. The Iron Sheik is a pothead. I got a fucking 45 minutes worth of interview with them. I'm going to start posting little clips. Where?

Where did you do this? Where? You weren't there when I told the story last night? I walked in towards the end of it. Oh, okay. My buddy Danny calls me up and goes, dude, I'm going to fucking meet Iron Sheik right now. How the fuck did that happen? He goes, he's in town for like the Comic Con

or what a comic? Comic Con, maybe. Whatever, like a comic book convention. He goes, and I Twittered his manager and I asked his manager if he could, if I gave him 200 bucks

if he could record an answering machine. He wanted to make one like the one Joey has for me. He loves it. He wanted Iron Sheik to have it or to do his. So the manager,

you know, they need money, dude. You know what I mean? The manager goes, come on down. We're at this hotel. And I go, oh shit. And he goes, you know, they need money, you know what I mean? The manager goes, come on down, we're, you know, we're at this hotel. And I go,

oh shit. And he goes, you want a roll? I go, fuck yeah. So we jumped in, went to the hotel, but they were waiting outside and like Danny pulled up

and was like, fuck, it looks like they're in a fucking big hurry because he was texting them, hurry up, where are you guys at? We got to go to the airport,

this fuck. I wanted to give them 200 bucks to sit and rap with them and get a lot of shit, you know, so he said, fuck it, whatever. So let's do it really quick. So he pulls into this hotel.

Iron Sheik's like rude and shit. He's like, oh, we got to go to the airport. Let's make this quick. Let's make this quick. Like, oh, man, okay, whatever. Unless you want to take me to the airport. You know, we drive into the airport and we're like, yeah, yeah. That way we get him for fucking 40 minutes, man.

So we got him in the car. Video dude we did we had this fun with us it's like 45 it's like 45 minutes of classic shit take the whole 45 minutes let's put it online in one chunk yeah definitely documentary I want to see certain pieces that need to be cut to make them funnier. Really? Yeah, yeah, because we did a lot of cool. Because he gets paid. He's like a super villain through almost 70. And you just say, okay, say.

And his manager, who's his nephew, will say, he barely speaks English. His English ain't that great. And Danny knows all these rock stars. And he goes, you say, Wes Borland say Wes Borland fuck him and then his manager goes yeah uh bring him down set him up and then take him home it was like these code words it's on the the video I forget what it is slam him take him home and then glaze him at the end or some weird lingo so then he goes okay Tommy Lee fuck Tommy Lee fuck my man some, I fuck, I am the Sheik, I'll camouflage you Tommy Lee. So he was just saying all these names, so he wants to cut him off and send these guys the messages, like, here's Iron Sheik, talking mad shit.

And it's always, fuck you in the ass, put you in the camouflage, fuck your mother, and just, he's... Disrespect. Yeah, you would Disrespect. Yeah. You would be humble. Yeah. Thank you. It would be humble. It's like he's got his, that's how he makes his money. I give him some money.

I'll say, who do you want me to say? It's like he's- What is his personality like outside of that? Like a nice guy? He's not, so he's not like that all the time. Man, you got to see, you got to see the clip. Damn, he's teasing. I got it. I got it. See? Well Man, you gotta see the clip. Damn, he's teasing us. I got it, see?

Well, we'll put it online later. That's hilarious, man. That's one of those dudes that I would love to meet. When I met Hulk Hogan, I was like, holy shit, I'm serious, talking to Hulk Hogan. You know, like when I had to do that interview with him, and he's talking, brother, you know, we're getting fired up at GNA, brother.

And I'm like, god damn, I'm talking to Hulk fucking Hogan. Dude, Iron Sheik was probably all-time number one villain ever What was bigger than Iron Sheik he wasn't really a villain He was good he was like half She was fucking evil He was Iranian we're going nuclear war type shit you know that was deep yeah that wasn't another bit crazier villain and he's not a king he could barely walk

all those guys got really badly hurt from wrestling you know Jesse Ventura is hip for a place he talks shit on Jake the Snake Roberts. He crushes him. I want him to get dirt from all the rest of us. Talking about Hulk Hogan. Oh, man. He's... He's... Man.

Those guys all have to get operated on, man. They all have to get operated on. That's a tough, tough life. Such a tough life. To do that every night. What they're doing is nutty shit, man. Flying out of turnbuckles. He talks about

Draculino. How does he know Draculino? He just does. What is Draculino? You'll see. You'll see. Oh, no.

Oh, no. He's very good at Draculino. Bravo. Draculino's this guy who said things that weren't very nice about Eddie Bravo.

What'd he say? What did he say? What did he say? You don't brush your teeth in the morning? No. He started the interview. They asked him. Some guy's interviewing him. And then he's this jiu-jitsu legend.

And some guy's interviewing him. And says, the video starts on the Eddie Bravo section. It's got like, Draculino on the gi. Draculino on world champions. Draculino on training. And then they got the Eddie Bravo section. He's got like Draculino on the Gi. Draculino on world champions. Draculino on training. Eddie. And then they got the Eddie Bravo. This guy's a champion.

Draculino. I guess. I mean, I always heard about him. I always knew about him. I never knew what he looked like until I saw the video. I would have never recognized him.

He's supposed to be one of the very highly regarded Yeah. One of the best guys at Baja Racing. Older guy now. Probably 40 something. And the video starts talking about, who?

And I go, what about, what do you think of Eddie Bravo? And then he goes, who, Johnny Bravo? Johnny Bravo? No, no, Eddie Bravo. Johnny Bravo? Oh, Johnny Bravo. Like, he's just like, oh, yeah, you really thought he said Johnny Bravo. Like, that's even funny.

Yeah. You know, and then immediately it starts off with just a bunch of backhanded compliments. Like, oh, yeah, he's got some good positions. Oh, yeah, but, you know, Nino already had a high guard. Like, he was, like, basically saying that Nino had my style of guard first. When me and Nino's style of guards are totally different. They're nothing, they're nothing, they're, they're very different. I mean, we both play,

you know, we do Roma Blattas and stuff and I got the Gogo Blatta for him, but the actual style of our guards is very different and,

and obviously he doesn't know that, you know, he doesn't, he hasn't really paid attention good enough to know the difference, big fucking difference.

And then he says other stuff like, it's just a bunch of backhanded compliments. It wasn't very, but I thought it was hilarious. And so, so she knew about that? Huh?

So the she knew about that? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. He said a lot of good things about me. Thanks, man. Draculino said cool shit about me. Yeah. Thanks, man. I really can't say anything bad about Draculino said cool shit about me. Yeah. He likes me.

I really can't say anything bad about Draculino. I mean, I don't even fucking know him. Well, you know what, man? I think there's a lot of people that don't know you, and you have a polarizing effect because you're so controversial. Because just, I mean, the way you look, the way you act, you know, your behavior is very controversial. You know, you think about, like, most jiu-jitsu people,

jiu-jitsu instructors, they're not like these wild musician motherfuckers, you know, that come up with jiu-jitsu moves because they're high on weed. Like, that fucks up their whole dynamic, their whole view of what, you know, jiu-jitsu is. And so if they, because a lot of dudes don't know you, I think that's where the controversy comes in. But if they got to know you, they'd realize that you're just a

completely open-minded dude who's willing to accept techniques from anywhere and gives people credit all the time. And you invent moves, or you teach moves based on people's names, like the doodah, or different techniques that you've got, the jeanJacques suite that you got from each individual. You give them all credit.

They just don't know. They see you getting all this credit for this, you know, revolutionary type of guard. And so they just assume that it's all bullshit, that it's all overhyped. But really it's not. It's not overhyped. You've got some weird, wild shit. You put it together in like a real system, you know, and it's very legit and it's very unusual and you're willing to talk to anybody and

have them fuck with it and come up with their own stuff. I mean, look at all the different things that you've added from your students. Look at all the moves, Edwin stuff, you know, all, you know, how you start incorporating that in a class, you know, all sorts of different shit. The Japanese necktie, you're always you're always you know adding whatever there's a new thing you're always adding it and always giving the person credit who created that's one thing that's probably the one thing that that the biggest misconception the biggest is that you take credit for things yeah yeah is that I take moves and I change the names

and then I pretend like I made them up and I put a whole new name. Like there's a lot of people out there that think that and that's, that's like kind of true or like not really

sort of fitting. It's totally the opposite. It's the opposite. I give everybody fucking credit. Well, like the twister, you know,

when you first started doing the twister and it's that wrestling move. Yeah, that's a big, that was the big thing because I never called it the twister, you know, when you first started doing the twister and it's that wrestling move. Yeah, that's a big, that was the big thing because I never called it the twister. I got, it was the wrestler's guillotine to me, but the guillotine was already taken. It was the guillotine that called it the twister, right? And Jean-Jacques, it was, the guillotine was already taken in jiu-jitsu and submission grappling and all that shit. So when I would call the guillotine, the Brazilians just called it the twister and it stuck after a while.

So a lot of people think, like wrestlers go, yeah, that did that in high school, man. I'm like, yeah, you got to know the story. So real quick, it's easy to convince those guys if they ask about me, like, what's up with this twister thing? You know, that's a guillotine in wrestling. They go, yeah, yeah, he's got a bunch of moves like that.

He just changed his names. And then real quick, now I got to dig myself out a deep hole with a lot of people like that. That, he just changed his names and then real quick, now I got to dig myself out a deep hole with a lot of people like that. That's like a total opposite misconception

that I like take moves and steal them and it's not like I did it for a while and then I had to stop and slow down and change my ways. From day one,

my first book, I give everyone credit. My first book, Marcelo, Silverado, Duda, all that shit. I get pissed off when people learn techniques from someone else and I know them personally.

I know where they got the move from. And then they start showing it to someone and they don't bring up the person that taught them. That offends me. I don't always remember to bring up names, but I try to as much as I can. Do you think of jiu-jitsu moves as like a creative thing that you're adding to like one big gigantic piece of artwork, like the martial art itself? Like when you invent a new technique, like you invent some new sweep or some new way to set up a go-go platter, and then you add it to the Jiu-Jitsu language.

Do you feel like that's what it is? It's almost like you feel like it's like a piece of art. So it's something that you create, and people don't give you credit for creating that and then people are out there doing it. It's like they're stealing your art almost. Because they're going to do it

regardless. But he wants them to do it. Yeah, it's fine. He wants them to do it. That's the thing. Anybody who's doing his shit, he supports. You know what I mean?

Like Aoki, you'd love that guy out there doing your shit. You're supporting him. Yeah, totally. I mean, I'm human. I want, you know, if someone learns some shit directly from me or my books or anything,

you know, the right thing to do is give credit. You know, that's the right thing to do. And not giving credit is, you know, whoever you learned a technique from, you got to give them credit. You got to. If you don't, you're a douchebag. And it doesn't take away from what you did at all. You know, people think that somehow or another, you teaching a guy, you know it doesn't take away from what you did at all you know yeah I think that somehow another you teaching a guy you know a certain

way to set up a rear naked and then he does it and then you give him credit it takes away from him no it doesn't take away from that at all not at all it's just the friendly thing to do and he's not like it anytime like I pull off a submission that someone else in class showed me I'll always go over go dude got it twice today you You know what I mean? Yes. I do the same thing. I do the same thing.

Yeah. Yeah, that's important, man. It's important. And it fosters that friendly attitude too. All I'm trying to do, I mean, I guess it feels good. It's like a piece of art. I always feel good when a new transition comes up

out of nowhere or someone else, one of my students teaches me or we see it on, I don't know. I get excited. It's cool. It's like another little piece. People who don't do it have no idea how complex it is. They really have no idea how many levels and layers there are in Jiu-Jitsu. Like I was talking to Nathan.

We were talking about how he trained with Marcelo. And I went down to New York and trained with him a couple of times. And he was just talking about how good Marcelo moves and how it's really amazing to see someone operate on that level. And we just started thinking about it, like how humbling that is. Like when you're around a guy like Marcelo or a Jacare or something like that, I watched a video of Jacare online rolling through people, just rolling through one dude after another, just submitting a letter, right, left, right, left, right.

When you see someone who's at that high level, it's so humbling because you realize how many goddamn layers there are to this. And it really, it never ends. It's more complex and more, you know,

the guys you compete against are faster and they're diving on shit with more precision and their technique is more crisp and more sharp and more options. Dude, there's 12 different ways

that I can count and there may be more. 12 different ways to play off your back. Yeah, that's 12 different ways that I can count, and there may be more, 12 different ways to play off your back. That's what I can count. 12 distinctly different styles. There's a difference, you can tell, to the trained eye, someone can tell, he's playing deep half, he's playing X guard, he's playing lockdown half, he's playing 50-50 guard, he's playing butterfly guard, he's playing butterfly guard.

You know, he's playing rubber guard. There's all, there's 12 of them that I can count. There might be more. Adela Hiva guard, spiral guard,

all that shit. There's so many. It's so complex. I mean, I've been doing Jiu Jitsu 16 years and I suck at most of those guards.

Really? Like I'm not that good at, my Della Hiva guard doesn't exist. That's a whole different style. Spiral guard, inverted guard, I never do any of that stuff. I never play 50-50 guard. I never do any of that shit. I have like four or five guards. I have like four or five guards and there's like 12.

There's a lot of them that I don't do. There's so much. Like all these world champions like Rafael Mendes and Cabrinha and all these guys, their style is totally different than mine. Like if we talk four hours seminars each, it'd be two different worlds. You know what I mean? There's so much to learn which path you're going to take. You know what I mean?

I've been doing like, again, 16 years and I'm still putting new weapons into the game. That's, I make sure that there's always new projects that I'm working on. There never is. Always,

always, always got to be a new project and those projects could take one, two, three years to get them where you need them to be.

You know, the D'Arce is still my project from like, you know, five years ago. You know, I'm not as good as the top guys

in the D'Arce. I'm pretty good but I'm not as good as the top guys or the dogs. I'm pretty good, but I'm not as good. I still got some more levels to pop through, but over the last year, year and a half, guillotines and north-south,

I sucked with those, but they've been on my project list. When I go against the scrubs, when I go against the white belts, new guys, I'm not going to do anything that I'm good at with them. I'm going to only get shit

that I suck at and try to train my body. I would get into north-south and I go, this feels awkward. I don't know how Danny does it. You know, but I would get in there and try to go as far as I can and I'd lose it. I go, let's do something else. I'm cool. I'll come back to it later and try it again. I'm like, they're not tapping. I'm not really squeezing right. Trying to move my leg. Okay, focus on the leg. And after a while, bam, you get into it. Woo! You're like, oh, okay, this is feeling good.

You know, eventually it'll come. And you have to remember that. People forget that. Because a lot of people, when they try something new, they go, wow, it feels kind of awkward, fuck that. I'm gonna go back to my shit. I don't know, he's weird. He's got some strange butts.

You gotta remember that all moves feel awkward in the beginning, and if you want this move, it doesn't matter. You can master this move. If you want it, you can be a cure with this move. It's up to you how many reps you're willing to put in. In jiu-jitsu, the only sport where you can spar 100% every day, everyone just spars. They put in as few reps as possible.

Most people have that mentality back, unless you force them, and that's what I do. I force my guys because I know they're going to get lazy. And if I say, okay, everyone do 15 of this and 20 of that, and make sure you do that, and I write it on a board and let them do it, and I just kick back and chill, they ain't not going to do it. You've got to have people need people. That's why they hire trainers. They can do everything.

They know all the exercises. They know they can do it. They just need someone to force them. If you have someone to force you and you're paying them, then it's easier

to go through that shit you would never do. And then you can roll right afterwards and actually get to try it. Yeah. When somebody doesn't know. For me,

I just look at everything. Most things is like long-term projects. Like, how many cycles have you gone through with this technique? And eventually

by third or fourth cycle once you hit it bam look now he's doing a new roll and look at him yeah it's hard to motivate yourself to push yourself

it is definitely important to have someone pushing you rolling is so much more fun than drills you know actually can you imagine getting on a video game and do you ever

get on the practice no you ever like just practice the little movements over and over like 50 times. Do people do that? Like they get in a room where they can just practice moves and now they're getting really good with all the moves and they do all the techniques? Quake players do that.

Oh, do they? It's like a workout. They do workouts? Well, Quake is based on map. It's based on map systems. So there's a bunch of different maps you play on. But one of the most important things about playing Quake when you're in a one-on-one duel is to understand a map. It's based on map systems. So, like, there's a bunch of different maps you play on, but one of the most important things about playing Quake when you're in a one-on-one duel

is to understand the map. You gotta know where the guns are hidden, you gotta know where the ammo's hidden, and you gotta control the map. So what you gotta do is you gotta make sure

you know every fucking, every minute area, and you can move around it so they practice, they practice, like, special jumps and rocket jumps. They practice jumping

into certain areas and, like... So they don't get to a straight jump and rocket jumps. They practice jumping into certain areas and like... So they don't get to a really far and then crumble. So they'll practice that shit. They practice it so they have complete command of the map. So they can move around the map anywhere they want. And then they practice timing when the... How is Quake now? Is it their new version? Because you were playing that shit 10 years ago. Yeah, it was their new version. The best version, is Quake 3 to me. Quake 4 is pretty badass, too. What's the latest?

I think Quake 4 is the last. It's the latest. It takes years to make them. You know, everyone they did. They came out with a new Doom. What? Every year when they get better and better? I don't know anything about video games.

Does, like, the graphics and the amount of area you can travel to? Yes. Always bigger. That's what they do you can travel to. Always bigger. That's what they do. It gets bigger and bigger. They have some games. They call them massive. What are they?

MMO or G's or something like that. It's role player games. Massive world. It's like an artificial world role player game. Where you can just travel for miles and meet new people and shit. People live their whole lives inside those things. And they're actually real people. The people that you meet in there,

they're real people playing the game? Yeah, they're real people playing the game. Yeah, they have rape laws. People have lost their mind when it comes to these things. I never even heard of that. People have let their babies starve. These two people in Korea

let their babies starve while they were nourishing their online baby. They had a fake baby online and they were taking care of that baby while their real baby starved to death. they lost their marbles. That's crazy. People are living in artificial worlds eight, ten hours a day and addicted to it. What's it called, this game?

There's a bunch. World of Warcraft. There's the EverQuest. There's, what's the other one? The Sims. There's another one. Something Life. Athlete? No, that's the cool video game. How many people are on? Second Life?

Dude, there's 13,210 people. No. No, no, no. Look about 1,800. That's April 13th, 2010. People are dropping off on Facebook. As we're counting the numbers, they're like, what the fuck am I watching?

Watching three retards stone out of their minds trying to talk to a camera. 13,210. How boring was all this shit? Is it boring? I don't know. This is a 420 episode. If they're all with us, they're all with us. I passed out on pot yesterday.

Whoa. I've been close like two or three times in the last one or two. And your real life is like, oh my God. And then I managed to jump to the bed. I fainted. I woke up on the floor with a dump in my head. How much weed did you smoke, man? Not that much.

Dude. Not that much. And it happened to that much dude not that much and it happened just girlfriend I had once and it was like she had like one hit it wasn't anything major thanks what yeah I saw someone do that we gave that to this chick was working on fear factor production people we're all in New York or outside we all went out there filming there for the weekend. Inside a bar, have a drink, you guys want to smoke a joint? Yeah, come on, let's go outside.

We all smoked a joint, this chick took, I guess she'd never smoked weed. She decides she wanted to join in the fun. She took one big hit of some train wreck, and her eyes rolled back in her head, and she just dropped. I thought she was faking. I thought she was pretending, like, wow, it's pot so long. I'm so long, I'm gonna pass out.

I thought she was being silly. Like, we had to catch her as she was falling down to the ground the girl was like that. She was a smile And I was like what you doing? I don't know that she was sitting knows we're going down did you catch him? Nope, did you make an effort? An effort to catch her well, I was holding popcorn so you did So you let the fucking chick drop so you didn't have to drop your popcorn I probably wasn't gonna be able to catch her anyway how you

need to get chance I didn't understand what was really happening but it happened to me yesterday how long did the date was check a few months oh how attached were you to her right right now still dating no So we bummed out when she fucked out. She fell? Yeah, I didn't quite get it until she was fully down. I was like,

did she just faint? Did you feel at all responsible? Someone, yeah. Well, I gave her a hug. When did she zombie land?

Did you watch this season of Celebrity Rehab? No, I didn't watch it. You didn't watch it? I watched one episode. Oh, okay.

That was too much for me. You know that chick from One Day at a Time? Yeah. Mackenzie Phillips, she's in bed, and she's rooming with this country, this ex-country chick singer, who has epileptic seizures.

Nice. And she went off. In the middle of this conversation, she was just telling Mackenzie, and this is all on film. She goes, she's freaking freezing, and Mackenzie Phillips's like, yeah!

What? Are you playing? Are you playing? It's all on video. Wow. They kept replaying that mother, you know how they replay shit on reality shows? After the commercial, they come back, you can re-show it again. Oh my god.

Have you guys seen Shreds? How strange are procedures, man you guys seen Shreds? How strange are your seniors? What's Shreds? Shreds is a thing these guys are doing. They're taking music videos and redoing the music like I just saw

from Journey. They redo the music lip syncing totally as perfect as possible but the worst voices everything's out of tune everything's out of key. So you see this it's like the worst rock band ever. out of tune, everything's out of key. So you see this,

it's like the worst rock band ever. They're really funny. Really? Yeah. So it's Journey's thing. It's Journey music video. That's the way it goes. Yeah, it looks like they suck really bad. Wow. That's on YouTube? Yeah, it's on something. It's called Shreds. All right, let's watch it. There's a bunch of them. Let's watch it and we'll- Any way you want it, Journey. It's on something. It's called Shreds. There's a bunch of them. Let's watch it and we'll... Any way you want it, Journey.

It's fun. They did one on Matt Danzig. Not Matt Danzig. Dan Zig, the singer. He's friends with this guy I know

and he said when he showed it to him, dude, he got really offended. Really? Yeah. See, they're doing it to Journey.

They're doing it. And Journey's like, you know, they're like amazing musicians and singers. Okay, I looked up Shreds, Journey. Shreds what? Shreds, Journey. That's it.

E-A-D? Any way you want it. E-A-D or E-D? I think it, no, no, it's with an E. It's with an E. No, that's right. Shred, Journey. Is this it?

Junkies, Shreds? That's it. That's it. That's it. The top one. That's it. Can you make it to the audience? It's Junkies shreds? That's it. That's it. That's it. The top one. That's it. Can you make it to the audience? Watch this.

It's junkies shreds. No. You guys are going to have to look up junkies shreds. I'm big. I'm big. There's another commercial. It's not junkie. Jerk knee.

Jerk knee shreds. Jerk knee shreds. That's just another commercial. Journey. More like journey. Oh, journey. I was going to say I'm going to get pulled down. I'm done with that.

I didn't get it either. All right, here it goes. Let's see what it is. That's the way you need it, any way you want it. She's on the ground, she's on the ground. She loves to laugh. She loves to sing. She loves everything.

She loves to move. She loves to groove. She loves everything She loves the moon She loves the groove She loves the love of man All night All night Every night It's all time All time

Baby, all time Any way you want it, that's the way you need it! Any way you want it! She said any way you want it, that's the way you need it! Any way you want it! I wasn't known, I never knew, how to be loved or to be loved. And then we part, then we change. I'm a little bit sick.

All right, all right, all right. I'm coming up with the whole life. I'm gonna put this up on Twitter. I'm gonna put this up on Twitter if you guys want. Put this up on Twitter. It's genius! That's very funny. That's good shit, man. I just thought you guys could watch it. I just sent it to Twitter. The solo, dude.

The solo is so bad. It's like we're. It's just so cool that you can do that so easy. I mean it's so easy to do stuff like that now, to edit video and put it online. It used to be hard to do, man. You can actually listen to the song on earphones, record here,phones record here sing it right along with them after doing it yeah a lot of people have already seen it they go look up Van Halen or or um different That was some funny shit. Yeah.

Yeah, it was funny. I'll try to read some of these. We might be too high to be doing this. I'm starving. I'm going to pee again. It should be illegal. Ari, bad bladder. That was loud?

Yeah, sorry about that. We probably didn't do that the best way. Kiss shreds. I don't know. I heard you were publishing a scientific paper in neuroscience. That's hilarious. If that wasn't true, I would be Carlson seeing it.

Some dude wrote some shit in Arabic. Arabic does look cool, doesn't it? Look how cool that shit looks. What? Arabic. Yeah, that's probably the coolest I've been writing on the planet. Probably cooler than

Chinese or Japanese. Yeah, look at that shit. It looks like something elegant to it, you know? It's like cool to see it on your wall, you know, it's like art. So this chick wants to fuck you dude, this is Slurp Bella, she's back. Oh shit. She says, you're hot. Explain the name Slurp Bella. Where'd you get that from? Who gave it to you? Did you dub yourself out?

There's 1600 people in here, man. There's no way we're going to have to keep an eye on it to catch their response. Can I get Dave Chappelle in here sometime? I would love to hang out with Dave Chappelle. But I don't know him that well. We did a show a couple times. And one time it was just because I was walking down the street and I ran into him. Another time it was the Fear Factor one. The one we ran into was hilarious. Remember that? You were with me.

You were in New York. We were just walking down the street. And I'm like, that looks like Dave Chappelle with a mustache on. And he's like, hey, Joe, you want to be in my show? It was like, okay. And it was out of nowhere. His show hadn't even aired yet. Times Square just walking down the street. Ran into him.

That was when the Dave Chappelle show you know like nobody had any idea was even coming out and then when it came out like right away well that was like the best show ever yeah big big yeah first sketch I'm sure he was like no no let's leave with that one knocked it out of the park that was the best show ever was that the first sketch ever I think so I don't know I know that's the first sketch I know it's the first sketch on the top 25 because I think when he said it I think I remember it going like, my friend said I shouldn't do this sketch, but it almost seemed like he had introduced a few other sketches already.

Maybe the audience knows the answer to this. That's a good question. This is like intelligence. The audience here, we could find out anything. Yeah. How about that? How about when we couldn't remember that dude's name earlier, Dennis Hopper? Bam, it just popped up. Yeah, that's incredible.

Yeah, I mean, there's 1,666. 1-666. We're evil. We're officially evil. Dude. Got a lot of viewers. See, there's some dudes writing some other shit. And then he wrote,

Shiny Happy Jihad. Listen, man. Don't be mixing my shit up with that shit because I don't know what you're saying. Did you hear about that chick in Nevada that got sent to life in prison because she talked to a 14-year-old boy.

She wanted to try to get him to have sex with her. And she grabbed his hand and put it on her tit and tried to get him to fuck her. And she got life in prison. That is the mandatory sentence for that. Life in prison is a mandatory sentence? Uh-huh.

The kid's 14 years old, and she's like 34 or some shit. And she grabbed the kid's hand and put it on her tip. And she said she was drunk, and she doesn't remember any of it. And this bitch is going to die in jail. Yeah, that's possible.

So what if she doesn't remember it? She did it. All she did was put his hand in it. Okay, but she did it. You know, obviously the bitch is crazy and she needs to do like a night in jail or maybe a week at the most. You know, like just shock her and say hey. I just sometimes think about what it would be like to spend one month in prison. That would fucking destroy a lot of your life.

Yeah. And people are like, oh, he needs to get at least ten years. Like, think about what a month in prison would be like. God, that would be horrifying. Terrible. Terrible. And for just getting

a boy to touch your tit? I mean, yeah, you shouldn't have done it, but come on. You're supposed to, like, slap her on the wrist to tell her to get out of there. That's a mandatory.

So she's not even eligible for parole for 10 years. She has to go 10 years before she's even eligible for parole. I'd like to know the details of that case. There's got to be some shit in there. She might be having a history. Maybe listen to you guys. You're just fucking supporting that.

How dare you? It seems unbelievable. It's hard to believe that people are that stupid. To give someone life for that? That's why it's an interesting story So remember when your friend in class got thrown out and like what you do like nothing or smooth by chair and teach my phrases Like no you didn't you were moving it over and over I should've told you to stop. That's all well and good But that was the charges with the charges were much less convicted of is lewdness minor and some shit like that

Maybe she's been sucking kids dicks since she was eight Probably wasn't the first time she did it. She did the speed break and the she's been sucking kids' dicks since she was eight. It probably wasn't the first time she did it. She's a speed freak who sucks dick on the little kid's dicks and just doesn't stop. Yeah.

Well, if she did it to this kid, she's probably done it to other ones. It's not like she's been fucking grown men and she said, let her just take it. You all right? You done?

Yeah. We're going. 12 girls. It's not like, all of a sudden out of nowhere she says, let me just die on this 14-year-old dick. She's done it before. She of a sudden out of nowhere she says let me just die when this 14 year old dick she's done it before she's just not particular about who she

blows you know that's all that is she's just a crazy bitch but she shouldn't have to go to jail for the rest of her fucking life man that's nuts you know they're trying to put kids in jail for sexting they're trying to make sexting illegal for kids girls are showing their child porn they're saying it's child porn. You're 15, you take a picture of a pussy, you're a child pornographer. Isn't that nuts?

Of course, right? Dude, but are they kids doing it to each other? That's child porn? Yeah, sending it to their boyfriends. Want to hear a crazy story?

A bunch of girls got suspended. I think it was like nine girls got suspended from this one school because they had a bunch of pictures that they took and put on their MySpace page

in between school, when they're not at school, like during their summer break. So when they came back to school, they were suspended because of sexy pictures of their MySpace page. They're like sucking fingers and sticking their ass out in their underwear and stuff. And they're only like 14. You know, they're just doing normal horror shit.

And they got suspended. So the girls are suing the school. They're going to win. I mean, if you can go on MySpace, you can't tell someone they can't do something during their off time because you don't like it. Just because you're teaching them. You know, when did these fucking retards that are teaching our students... What's that? People accessing it at school.

What's the deal? Well, you could access it at school if you had access to MySpace at school. I don't know what kind of internet access they have at school. Always. Yeah, but either way, the kids should be able to put up with, you know,

if she wants to be a whore, she's going to be a whore. You can't legislate against that. And you certainly can't punish them for shit they're doing in high school. It's also legal to do. Yeah. You're acting like you're a fucking mom.

Like, you're saying you don't want them in school because it's going to give other people a bad impression of your school. Is that what it is? Because she's in her underwear online? Shut the fuck up. It's one of these dummies that are teaching our kids today. And that's the problem.

There's a bunch of them who are fucking dummies. When did they become the parents? When did they become the moral arbitrators? When did they become the people who dictate how people are supposed to behave? If you don't have a problem with your kid sticking her ass up in the air in my space, and you're the teacher, you should be like, whatever. I'm going to teach you some science and you get through life and enjoy yourself.

What are the fucking teachers supposed to step in and say? You shouldn't be in your underwear when you're not at school? Fuck you. Who are you? You just teach. Just teach me. You don't get to fucking shut my life down me you don't you don't get to fucking shut my life down because you know you don't like me in my underwear that's ridiculous see I know I said that I said in the first person I got the

fortune your girl was a secret fantasy you didn't even notice that how old are they 14 you know what 14 14 15 years old. That's wrong. That's wrong. It's not a good amount. Look, man. You can't stop chicks from doing horror shit. They arrested a 15-year-old girl for child pornography because she sent a dude in her class

a picture of her cousin. So they arrested her. They eventually charged her with use of criminal tools. And the criminal tool was a cell phone. That's what they charged her. How nutty

is that that's incredible that's all that like that was that Alabama I don't know I know it's a tiny little fax is he no yeah Brian's fucked hi everyone I love you I'm also invited oh that's so sweet poor Brian won't hear how dumb Brian is Brian bit bit into a spoon. He was eating some yogurt. Bit down. First of all, son, you're not supposed to bite that goddamn heart on yogurt. You know? How hungry was he?

He bit down into his metal spoon. You're supposed to slurp it, dude. Yeah, what are you doing biting it? I want to eat yogurt. Only plastic spoons from now on for you. So he bit down on a spoon and broke his tooth. Let's watch down here. This guy said he's going to put me in a triangle choke.

How dare you? Are you scared? I don't want to be caught in triangles. That's uncomfortable. I'm scared for you. I'm scared that you're scared. You really got me scared. I thought you said he was stoned eating yogurt.

He was eating yogurt thinking about yummy dicks. He just got all excited and clamped down. I think we talked about all the things I wanted to talk about. I talked about the lady in Nevada. We talked about Strikeforce and Mayhem. Any other comments? Eddie, oh, Mike Whitehead got busted for weed and sexual assault. That sucks.

That's not good for the movement, yeah that sucks was he drunk too I hope it's all bullshit I was even drunk Jack Herrera Jack Herrera didn't he die a year ago no he had a massive heart attack year ago and he's basically just died I thought he was dead the whole time I didn't know he was a person they thought he was dead there's a bunch of people said like I think even Doug Benson sent out an RIP. A lot of people were saying he was dead. And so there was a rumor going around. But it wasn't that he was dead. But he was basically, like, buried alive.

He was basically not responsive. Well, I don't know the medical details. But I know that he was in really, really bad shape from the time of that till now. So who was it? So he wasn't that. He was this really powerful marijuana activist that started out his life as like this Goldwater Republican type guy

who was like really anti-weed and then he got divorced and smoking pot with this woman that he had just met, this new woman. He took a chance when he was a single guy and hanging out with some chick, and really kind of was blown away by it, and then fell in love with the effects of marijuana, and then started looking into the history, and then he put out this really fucking amazing book,

called The Emperor Wears No Clothes, and it's all about this marijuana... He put him in jail. Putting him in jail. The reason he went to jail is because he, before he wrote the book, he was already a, like a marijuana activist for certain things. There's so many ways you can fight for marijuana,

but I forget exactly what he was fighting for in the very beginning. He was protesting in front of a federal building. Reagan showed up. Reagan told the people at the federal building

that he had it handled. He had the cops come arrest everybody. All they had to do was pay like some $20 ticket or something he refused to pay it and he went to jail for a year yeah he was hard point he wrote that's where it was good for me that's where you had the time to write the emperor words on closing voted in jail that's amazing yeah it's amazing it's good book too it's really very detailed if you want to know right then through the words of the close and go to jail. That's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing. It's a good book, too. It's really very detailed.

If you want to know anything about the history of propaganda and of hemp being made illegal, everybody thinks the reason why marijuana is illegal is because it's bad for you. I mean, if you ask like 100 people, 75 of them are going to tell you it's bad for you. It's something. It does brain damage. It causes some problems. But that's not why it's illegal. It's illegal because when they figured out a way to process hemp fibers more effectively, they came up with this thing called a decorticator. It was a machine that

grinds up the hemp and makes the fibers easier to process. William Randolph Hearst owned paper companies, and he also owned newspapers. And these paper companies, you know, they make paper out of fucking wood, and this hemp paper was much better. It was far superior, and it was a competing product. So he wanted to make it illegal. So what he decided to do was print newspaper articles where they said that blacks and Mexicans were raping white women. I knew it. What is this? And the reason why they said, the reason why they were raping white women is because they were smoking this new drug called marijuana. So when Congress made marijuana illegal they

didn't even know they're making the textile, you know, the fabric, you know, all the things that hemp can make. They didn't really even know they were making that illegal too. They had no idea. It's really completely ridiculous. The fact that it's stuck from the 1930s all the way to here 2010 even though we know it's ridiculous. I mean you can go right now one of the course or fight jack tenos and took ourselves to death we want to do it right now we each bought a big-ass bottle of the challenge object is all three of us are

no one bad that's lethal doses was bought lethal doses of alcohol we just haven't been a specific dose lethal doses. We just bought lethal doses of alcohol. And we could just come here and the three of us would drink those, drink that Jack Daniels until our body literally shut the fuck down.

That sounds cool. How crazy is it that people would even bat an eye that marijuana should or shouldn't be illegal? Of course it should be legal. If you can go and buy Jack Daniels,

that's ridiculous. Ridiculous. Man, I'm fucking hungry. You want to end this thing? What time is it? 518? I think we did enough. Talk about Silva. I think we've already talked about Silva enough. I think they're bored enough.

Anderson Silva is saying he's going to take all the UFC belts. You know what? Maybe Anderson Silva's bored at 185 pounds. Maybe that's the reason why his last performance wasn't up to par. Who the fuck knows, man? You don't know until you're inside that dude's head. He's obviously brilliant in his fighting, and he's probably a very complicated dude. But I think I would like to see him challenged.

That Chael Sonnen fight is going to be very interesting, man. Chael Sonnen's going to talk a lot of shit, and he's going to attack him. And Chael Sonnen... They're fighting, they're doing it? Yeah. What? August. I think it's going to be in Salt Lake City.

Why doesn't he like Chael Sonnen all of a sudden? Well, Chael Sonnen's a real good wrestler, man. He beat the fuck... Well, he beat Yushin Okami, which was really impressive, because Yushin at the time was thought to be, like, this real powerful grappler. Chelson had just manhandled him without grappling the shit out of him. Then he beat Nate Marquardt. And that was like, whoa.

That really opened a lot of people's eyes. And so now he gets his fight? Yeah. For a wrestler, he's really explosive with double leg takedowns. And you don't see that often. You see a lot of Greco guys. But guys flying for your leg. He's like GSP

with wrestling at 85. That was by some sort of win streak or anything? He's two. So you fought Damien Maia before that and he got triangled. He got taken down, I think he hit him with like a lateral drop or some sort of a throw. It was really impressive. And Damien mounted him and then slapped a triangle in from the mountain and pulled him on top of him and tapped him in the triangle. So he had two wins since then.

Really sweet. Yeah. He's had two wins since then. Really sweet. Yeah. He's had two wins since then. But, you know, the Damian Maia thing, look, you know, if that guy catches you, he catches you. He's really good at that. Chael Sonnen's been caught with stuff in the past. That would be an interesting thing if Anderson could submit him off of his back.

That would be fantastic. Because, you know, Chael Sonnen, at some point in time, if Anderson doesn't knock him out immediately, Chael Sonnen's going to have Anderson on his back, you know, unless he catches him was coming in Yeah, which is always possible with Anderson. So so very rolling. I have a feeling This time Chael is gonna take Submission defense in the guard and passing the garden a little more serious. I have a feeling in this show Yeah I don't think he's gonna come out because he gets caught in the guard

because he likes to pound in the guard and when you pound in the guard you can get caught. Look at Karan Darabedi he got caught and he's awesome.

He's awesome at Jiu Jitsu but once Chael finally realizes that he needs to get really good at passing and mounting and taking the back fuck!

Once he realizes he needs to adapt the GSP strategy, once he looks at GSP and he fights and says, holy shit, I should be doing

what GSP's doing. Once he makes that decision, Chael will be unstoppable. That dude's got serious cardio too. Yeah. The reason why he does great

but then, you know, he loses, he does great then he loses is because he is not taking guard passing and being safe in the garden and taking guard passing as the number one priority over grounded pound in that in the full guard you only

should really pound in the full guard to open shit up but passing should be your your number one focus look at GSP passing be your number one focus. Look at GSP. Passing is his number one focus. That is the correct attitude. Well, that's an important point. What did you think about what Greg Jackson said about GSP? Greg Jackson said in the fight that he didn't want GSP to pass his guard anymore. He took Dan Hardy down. He said, just don't pass his guard this round. He was being, I don't agree with it. I don't agree with it ever. Saying he couldn't pass his guard, that he wasn't passing it. He was like, I don't agree with it. I don't agree with it ever, saying he couldn't pass his guard,

that he wasn't passing it. He was like, I guess he thought he was wasting energy. He just wanted to beat him up from inside the guard. You know the thing. Don't you guys always say that Gator is good from the half guard? Gator is, yeah. He beats guys up. Well, you can get swept from the half guard.

I don't agree with that strategy at all, ever. I would never agree with it. I don't agree with that strategy at all ever. I would never agree with it, but I can understand it in a way where I could see that after GSP passes guard and mounted them, Dan Hardy would give his back, then he would post up and then eventually he would shake them up and they would stand up again that every time. So Greg Jackson was looking at it. It was like, if he passed the guard, he's going to mount the, they're going to

eventually stand up after it gets his back and the tripod's up and he gets up. So I think Greg Jackson was just like, stay in his guard. He can't get up from there. He can't get up from the guard.

He can't get up once he gets his back. So just stay in the guard. Let's get the W. Don't take a fucking chance with this guy. That's like the super conservative strategy,

which I understand, but I think GSP was doing fine. And I think he should always go for the finish, always go for the pass. You know, he almost had him twice. He almost had him. Oh, good one. Yeah, you don't want your fighter to get bored. That's pretty much done.

You know? John Donaker, they were working on it afterwards. They were working on tightening what he was doing wrong with setting up his Kimura, telling him to hit it at a different angle. I don't know. I don't remember how he did it. Did he have the leg over the face? It looked pretty damn good.

I don't know why he didn't have it. Was he in side control or did he have the leg over the face? I don't remember. It was side control, but I don't remember from that gap. The Kimura looked strong. The armbar looked strong for a couple seconds, man. The armbar was bent way back for a couple seconds. Dan Hardy just gritted it out, rolled his face into the mat, turned himself over.

And Dan only had two scratches on his right eye, and he wasn't hurt. His arms were fine. That's amazing. I mean, it's amazing that he went five rounds of GSP, and he barely had a couple nicks on him. Yeah, well, that's how badass he is, man. You know, Hardy's a tough dude. He's such a smart guy, too.

He's so good at shit-talking. So good at those interviews, man. I, that, you know, it's like,

it's such a tricky thing because in one way that's like, kind of like, anti, like, what the martial arts is supposed to stand for,

talking shit, you know, but when dudes do talk shit, they make it so much more interesting. Yeah, I think they talk shit back in ancient times, like samurais against the kung fu dudes and all that shit. I think they talk shit

I Can see them talking shit. It's a tactic you fucks with people's heads My dick I'm gonna make you suck my dick. Is that it? I'm gonna make you suck my dick. That's a fake sound. Yeah, man. It is a tactic, you know.

Fucking with dudes heads. It is like a legitimate technique. The problem is that everyone thinks you're doing so well and it like rarely actually kills people off their games. Yeah. It just seems like that was douchey. It makes it douchey. The two guys are just talking shit to each other.

You know, sometimes. Yeah. You know, sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. people off their games. It just seems like that was woody. And it does make them douchey sometimes too. It makes it douchey. The two guys are just talking shit to each other. Sometimes, but when guys are good at it.

I'm not going to lie, but it wasn't like personal shit. You might get a guy going out in an interview going, I'm going to be honest with you. I really don't think I will win, but I'm going to go out there and give it my all. That's all I can do. What else do you want me to do? Wouldn't it be awesome if someone went out in the interview and said, here's the deal win, but I'm going to go out there and give it my all. That's all I can do. What else do you want me to do? Wouldn't it be awesome if someone went out in the interview and said, here's the deal, man.

I don't really have a lot of job options. I need some money. And it's not a lot of money, but fuck it. I need to fight. And it seems exciting. That's going to be exciting. I saw it on TV a couple of times, and I thought, you know what? I'm going to be able to make some cash with that. My favorite was Anderson one of the times when they you know they go back and forth and tell you what that guy said you say something and they go

back to course guys drama school right but so they said you know Anderson like I said he's gonna you know get you down not sure you know pound you to submission there's a sponsor like that's a great tactic yeah you'll win if that happens like yeah yeah that's a smart way that's a smart way of telling it yeah anderson is pretty good when it comes to chit-talking how casual and calm he gets but apparently he gets very angry i mean we saw that chel sonnen fight man or the rather damian maya fight he gets real angry you know damian maya whatever the fuck damian maya said really made him bananas in that second round I don't know what the fuck was said a lot but have you ever seen him like that before

ever just screaming screaming shit talking like that what if Damian what would happen if Damian Maya when he butt scoots and and Anderson Silva standing what if Damian Maya started doing some fucking windmill breakdance and stuff. Coming after him. Right? You know? And then would stop. What if he just started dancing? That would be crazy if right in the middle he just started breakdancing.

You know that thing where it's like they go dress it. They spin. That would be awesome. George St. Pierre could do that. George St. Pierre could breakdance. Yes. Do you remember he used to do that a little bit in some of his earlier fights? What if you got really good and you attacked someone like that?

Like you just fucking spun at them like that. It was like a big propeller. That's a lot of energy. Can you imagine? That's a fucking break. That would be badass, man. I bet the breakdancers would start making some noise. It was the sickest fucking baseball card ever like this.

And he would fucking switch positions and make him break dance. A break dance card? Yeah. That's pretty cool. What if Capoeira got together with break dancing and they created a new martial art? They should have listed something. Break a letter. Try to catch a spin.

Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. Try to catch a spin. are spinning around. You can't just dive in there.

You're going to get fucking bumped. You could do some capoeira shit and go right to the head spin. When you spin on your head, right to the capoeira. And then slide your legs out. Yeah. Yeah. You can just hide. It would be a great way to pass the guard.

I think we're done. Yeah. That's probably a good idea. Are you guys bored yet? Let's talk about Aoki. Yeah, that's probably a good... Are you guys bored yet? Let's talk about Aoki. Yeah, let's talk about that real quick, because you're here. What did you think about the Shinya Aoki-Gilbert Melendez fight? I think that was good.

Very interesting fight. You know, Gilbert Melendez is awesome in the guard, and he did a great job at staying away from any danger. I think maybe once or twice, Aoki had him in mission control and smashed did a great job staying away from a danger I think maybe once or twice here he had a mission control fashion against the cage I'm as a okay I is a bad mother fucker yeah very good you know what has awesome timing is a stand that was wicked he stayed on top of them you know me the only way that's right it's gonna work

for him you know state of what it was if he could be the status changes you know and definitely didn't, as if he could beat him in the stand-up exchanges. Yeah. You know, and he definitely did. He beat him in all the stand-up exchanges. He certainly got hard. He looked involved. He beat his ass, you know. That really put him on the map.

Aoki had that wrist once in the first round. Yeah, man. He had no real chances. I mean, he got the arm trapped a couple times, but he just pulled right the fuck out of it. Yeah. And it was never in any danger at all. So that was a big fight for him. Aoki's just not as good

with the fucking with regular shorts. So is Jay Shields' contract down in Strikeforce? Supposedly. Yeah, which is amazing. If they really let him

fight without a contract saying that if he wins that he's still in contract. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how that stuff works. I didn't know you could do that.

I guess you can. You know, if you're not willing to sign a new contract, I guess they just have to deal with it. Don't worry about it. You can do whatever you want. Yeah. And so, I think he felt like, I guess you can if you're not willing to sign a new contract

Yeah, and so I think he felt like I think Jake Shields was upset because he felt like they were not respecting Yeah, they didn't promote him enough they mostly most of the promotion that they had was mentioning Because he was on his last fight and they were bringing Dan in. Yeah, and they wanted it to be a big deal. Dan's a legend, two-time Pride champion, in two different weight classes, so that was a big deal for them, a big acquisition. They thought he was going to be their big star. So they were hoping that Jake Shields would lose, I guess. Yeah, give him the belt right away, give him his new belt, and him the belt right away. Yeah, yeah. Send the other guy off to the second-order signing.

Yeah, I mean, this first fight. First fight in the organization is a title fight, you know, on CBS. And a crazy-ass fucking fight, too, man. Who would have ever thought that Jake Shields would be able to take Dan Henderson down that many times? Just order pizza and watch it. I got to go. All right. Then that's it

ladies and gentlemen. This was the first annual 420 podcast. I think we got some good shit we talked about in there.

Pretty good. Pretty good. I don't think we lost the train of conversation too much. You've got potato chips. Next year.

Make it happen. Considering the fact that we got completely vaporized like four or five times. It was not bad. Next week, I should have couches in here.

It'll be all set up. And then the week after that, it'll be green screen. Can I plug my Twitter? Yeah, Twitter is Eddie Bravo. Twitter at Eddie Bravo. At Eddie Bravo. At Ari Shafir.

Ari Shafir at JoeRogan.net. And JoeRogan.net. I'm trying to get joerogan.net 10thplanetjj.com If you got joerogan holla at a nigga let me know.

I'd like to get that from you. Alright thanks guys later. Have you ever broken one of these bags? No.

Seems so fragile.