The Joe Rogan Experience - #1700 - Eleanor Kerrigan

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

Eleanor Kerrigan is a standup comedian, actor, and co-host of "The Comedy Store" podcast. Her new comedy album, "Lady Like," is available now.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day oh you did a podcast i did a podcast a couple uh like two months ago and the guy sent me a call sheet and i'm like you're being serious right now what was it in his house? Who can be in my driveway at 1145? It was like that. And there was other people on the call sheet. And I was like, oh, is there hair and makeup? No. But it was that bad.

Was it a popular podcast or was it? No. That's what's weird. It's like there's these people that have podcasts and then I go to like to visit them and they have 13 people working for them. I'm like, what's happening here? It was like that. Yeah. It was like a studio.

It had the whole feel. It had the whole. I was like. Everybody thinks they're supposed to be running The Tonight Show. You know what I'm saying? And everybody's not The Tonight Show. No. Like you don't want to be.

Like even Bill Simmons. I did his HBObo podcast he's terrific he's great yeah yeah but when i did it i'm like why are there so many people here man yeah but he's got that's a giant he's fantastic but that's a big one no but it's still just a podcast the show was oh i see what you mean yeah yeah sitting in a diner table talking about stuff so he and i are just sitting there talking. And I'm like, you got like 15 people in the show. There's so many people here.

They're running around, clipboards. Everybody has to be busy. I was like, this is crazy. Everybody do something. It's like, you know, background action. Everybody's got to work. Everybody's got to earn money. But if the podcast is earning money and you can pay that many people.

Yeah, but still. Why not employ them? Because they get in the way. This is what they do. They get in the way of a podcast. Get in the way of still because they get in the way this is they do they get in the way of a podcast get in the way of doing cartwheels in the hallway that yes yeah Eleanor sees the the hallway the long hallway she's like you ever do cartwheels yeah go ahead do cartwheels I'm not breaking an arm I'm not a good cartwheeler but I just you get excited watching you are so much more free now that you're a professional comedian.

Just being around you. You're so free. I love it. I'm sorry if I'm rocking. Should I stop? No, no, no. You're free. You're loose and relaxed.

I remember when you were a waitress, it's a harder life. It's a different world. But you're also young. Now I think I'm older. I don't give a shit about anything anymore. What are they going to do? Cancel me? I'm nearly dead. I'm older. I don't give a shit about anything anymore. You know, what are they going to do? Cancel me. I'm nearly dead.

For people who don't know, Eleanor and I have been friends for like fucking 26 years. That's hard to ask. I think. When did you start at the store? 94? Okay. When were you there? 93.

Yeah. So Eleanor was there at the store before me. And Eleanor was a waitress for how many years? 10 years? 12 years. Wow. 12. Before she ever did stand-up.

So, but she was always my go-to person. You were always the person I would go to when someone would say someone was funny. I would go, Eleanor, is this guy any funny? And she'd be like, hack! Fucking hack! I'd be like, really? Oh yeah, he's a hack. He's terrible. And I had

my favorite hacks. Yes. But there was Yeah, you did. You had hacks you loved. Because people were like, no, he's a hack. I'm like, yeah, but he's funny. He's good at it had my favorite hacks yes but there was you did you had hacks you loved that because people were like no he's not i'm like yeah but he's funny he's like good she's good at it whatever it was i was like they're good at it you know but there was some people that no you just but it was you knew comedy like you understood comedy like waitresses here are jokes over and over and all the magic's gone all the magic's gone you see every trick also when i first started um mitzi was you know the waitresses were afraid of mitzi right and i was one of them i was terrified i was like i'm not getting this lady is frightening she hired me because i was from philadelphia she literally when i came in for the audition or interview whatever i was towering over her because the day shift told

me wear heels she likes that she don't like that she hates that and i was like you fuckers like i'm towering over this woman i'm looking down on her and she's like where are you from and i'm like philadelphia she's like oh you know dom irera i heard of him i i know his work and then she goes okay you're hired get rid of the shoes i was like oh shit okay so i did i was just like but they were that's the comedy store they they mess with you yeah get you to come in and do something stupid but nobody would talk to her and she had weird things she would do um like if you you could tick her off in the slightest these waitresses were eating carnies remember carnies yeah okay this is like hot dog place it's a stand that's right down the street it's like you know in austin they have food trucks

that was like a food car it was like a train car it was a Yeah, it was a train car. It still is. It's still there. They have hot dogs. Simple food. Cheeseburgers, yeah. But the stench is uncomfortable. The food's good, but it stinks. It stings? It lingers. But it smells good. To you, Mitzi came in, what the fuck is that?

Did you get like a chili burger? I wasn't eating it. I was brand new. I was new. The three girls that were eating it, she fired them and was i was new the three girls that were eating it she fired them and banned carnies from the building part of me is like that's terrible part of me is like that is fucking awful what a shitty boss what a terrible human being these poor girls but then part of me is laughing my ass off because because she's cuckoo for cocoa puffs like she just did shit like that

where you were like you can't fire three waitresses and i'm brand new so they're like hey can you take half the main room i'm like i don't even know how to log in like what are you saying so i had to quickly learn how to hustle learn how to so all of a sudden i became like i moved up quick which was not that there's an up in waitressing but you know what I mean like you have seniority kind of a thing so I moved up quick because she fired those girls let me drink some water because of carnies because of carnies drink some of this oh yeah I gotta do that come on I try to give Eleanor a glass of whiskey with ice in it and she almost spit in my face how dare you we're working all day today, kid. I'm pure filth.

I know. I'm excited. Yeah, we're doing Kill Tony together tonight. This is exciting. It's fun. And great job the other day at Vulcan. It was fun to watch you work. Oh, my God.

Getting to open in front of your crowd. Your crowd's fun, though. But I've done that at the store where I've gotten to be the, maybe I was the first or second comic, I forget, but so good. Your crowd, really. They're fun. Yeah, they're fun. They get into it.

They laugh. They're there to have a good time. They laugh at idiot things that I say, and I love that. Because I do talk a lot of trash, so people tend to be like, well, you're talking so much trash. But I'm like, look, I know how to street fight, so. I'm super happy that you became a comic, because there was this moment where you started doing

comedy. I'm like, yikes. Wow. You know, because it's so dangerous. It's like to just jump in, you know. After all those years. All those years of being around it. You don't know if it's going to be bad.

You did a lot of acting and pro wrestling and that other stuff you did. But it was like, it was, was you know it's a fucking big risk you like you and dean del rey dean del rey was like a successful singer right jumped in when he was deep into his 40s he jumped into stand-up it was i was 30s but yeah i think he was in his 40s you might be right i'm saying mine was i was in yes no no no yeah yeah but it was late in your 30s. But it was definitely late. Yeah. Like, you waste all that time.

I think Robert Schimmel, who's one of the greats- Unbelievable. He started, I believe he was 36. Oh, really? Yeah. He started late, which is really crazy. Yeah, yeah. I forget what his job was, but I think he had a real profession.

Yeah. And he just gave it a shot. Him on that Rodney special is so good. He's a- He was, excuse me. but I think he had like a real profession. And he just gave it a shot. See if you're finding that. Him on that Rodney special, so good. He's a, he was, excuse me, was a great guy. Just a great person. Like every time I saw him, it was always an opportunity to give him a hug.

And he was so friendly. And he was a genuine good person. Genuinely friendly, like real cool to be around. And was just kind and, you know know and as a comic you know who was like loved him as a beginner to like be one of his friends later in life it was amazing yeah amazing because he would always remember you too which was sweet because i'm not you know i was just waiting tables whatever at the store but then i i then Andrew Dice got his gallbladder out and Robert showed up like just, hey, man, just bringing you some stuff. Because he was in and out of the hospital with cancer.

So he brought him like Tootsie Pops or something. It was so funny. And Andrew's like, why? Really? Tootsie Pops? But like, I mean, I just have my gallbladder. But it was so sweet, too. And then, of course, we just, after the surgery,

we're all sitting in this room screaming, laughing. Then he would remember me from years later. He'd be like, hey, how are you? You know, because we did a residency in Vegas, Dice and I, and Robert would do the nights we didn't. Oh, which club was that? Riviera. Oh, I love that place.

Yeah, he was phenomenal. The Riviera is where I met Sharippa before Sharippa was ever. The great Steve Sharippa. Yeah, people don't know that Bobby from The Sopranos is Steve Sharippa. And before that, he was the booking agent at the Riviera in Vegas. Yeah, he also is on a show right now, Blue Bloods. Yes. Yeah, he kills it.

Yes, he's great. He works all the time. But he was working at the, this is a terrible and awesome story we were talking about with comedy. So we went to the Riviera. It was somebody's birthday, one of the waitresses. And one of the waitresses just started doing comedy and she was pretty bad. And the other girl was just celebrating her birthday or something, whatever. We were just hanging out.

So we're all in stripper goddess rooms. We're in his office. And the girl starts like pitching herself as a comic and steve goes eleanor is she funny and i went oh um she's new and he looked at her he went eleanor just said you're not funny and i was like shit. And he booked her. Oh, no. And I was pissed. So we went downstairs, and that girl called her mom to tell her she got booked in Vegas. The other girl called her husband, and I called Sharippa. I go, are you out of your fucking mind?

But he took a chance. He booked her twice. He tried to help. Oh, well, that was nice of him. Very nice. That's what I'm saying. He's a good guy. Sharippa had great tomato sauce. Oh, yeah. That pasta sauce. him. Very nice. That's what I'm saying. He's a good guy. Great tomato sauce.

Oh, yeah. That pasta sauce, he doesn't make it anymore. The marinara, his company just got, he said it got too big too fast and he couldn't keep up with it and then he wound up closing the business. Oh, wow. Yeah, I never got to try it. I remember him being on your podcast. It was fucking great.

It's great. It's really good stuff. And I text him and said said i didn't get nothing i get nothing you just give all the sauce to joe i get nothing i used to help him book yeah he did a little i would just send some people i sent and then most of them got banned thank you ari well anyway it's interesting to see a guy like that you know like become this like really successful working actor when you knew him from another world it's like you knowing you as a waitress and now seeing you the other night kills like look at her she's a fucking real comic what if i were bombed what have you been i knew you

were a bum because one of my security guys had seen you last week with dice and he was raving about you and he didn't even know we were friends he didn't know anything oh okay he was just raving i said because he said he saw dice and he said uh, you know, I was like, how was it? He goes, it was great. It was great to see him. And he's like, the girl that opened for him. Oh my God, she was so funny. I go, Eleanor?

And he's like, yeah, the girl from Philadelphia. So it was, it was very cool. It was very cool. Yeah. When a waitress turned comic, Mitzi would just shut down. I'm not kidding. It was too much of a risk. Well, she would say that. And so when I called her, when I started doing standup, I called her and I said, Hey, uh, I'm doing this one woman show. Oh yeah. I said, and I'd love to work it out in the belly

room. Cause I was so nervous. And I really was thinking it was a one woman show. And I was like, I'll just work it out in the belly room. You know, that's I respect the club so much. But the belly rooms, the belly room, you know, it's still great. But it's just, you know, a little easier to get. And she goes, she goes, OK. She goes, oh, no. And I go, what? She goes, a waitress turned comic.

It's always bad it's not always bad but it's mostly bad but I had a lot of waitresses that worked for me that were comics yeah and they were good a lot of them and then but they didn't get the stage time like what Adam was doing was letting everybody be comics, which is amazing. But Mitzi would never let the waitstaff be comics because the alcohol

is your bread and butter. Right. So you can't have them focusing on, oh, I want to get on stage. Right. They have to be focused on drinks. They have to be focused on being waitresses

while they're actually waitresses. Right. And that's the bread and butter. If you're door guy fine nobody cares you're not even paying attention but a waitress that's where your money's coming in all your alcohol that's true but i think her that's wasn't her hesitancy her hesitancy was someone seeing someone else do comedy and go oh i think i could do that because oh she would shit on that a lot. But that's what it is. That's why waitresses who became comics or security guys who became comics, the thing that bothered her is that the door guys would see it

and they'd go, I think I could do that. And then they would try to do it and then they would suck. And so what scared her off was the rate of failure was outstanding. Oh, yeah. The rate of failure of waitresses doing stand-up was spectacular. It was pretty bad. I saw a few of them showcase for her, and it was pretty bad. So she wasn't wrong.

What's the numbers? Like if 100 waitresses do comedy, is one good? No. Not even one. It's not even one. I'm going to say all the ones that turned, not the ones that came in as comics, the ones that were just waiting tables and said, this is a good way to get an agent to see me. Exactly.

I could probably do a skit or two. Exactly. No, bitch. It's like a hundred of them sucked. And maybe you get to like 115 and you find one. Oh, look at her. She's funny. But the door guys always had a showcase. They always had to find one. Oh, look at her. She's funny. But the door guys always had a showcase.

They always had to be comics. Oh, that's right. Until the new, and once Eric started managing, Eric was like, hey, why don't we hire actual security people? Right. And then you got big people. Because, yeah, like real scary. All of a sudden there's these big gorillas.

Like, hey, buddy. You're like, hi. That's when Curtis started working there. Right. Curtis was great. Yeah. Right. And there's so many of them. like, hi. That's when Curtis started working there. Right. Curtis was great. Yeah. Ryan. There's so many of them.

Yeah. But now it's like real security guys. Guys with earpieces. Right. Yeah. Where they're actually paying attention to the door. Before it was comics. Well, but it would be comics.

Like, you know, like I always think of Rick Ingram because we do the Comedy Store podcast together, but he'd be at the door, this tiny little thing from kansas city and we were doing fat tuesday and uh the the security from fat tuesday which is an all-black show big jimmy would come out and go hey don't let anybody in this way and rick's like okay and then like four big black guys walk up and they're like we're going in the back rick's like yeah right down there right there go right that way i mean you think about the amount of human beings that were traveling through the comedy store with literally zero security there was zero real security for decades no and fat tuesday hired their own that was a smart move but that was

after the tupac shooting uh well the tupac shooting happened um here's the thing it's wasn't that first before they started hiring their own security? Eddie Griffin had Monday nights, so there was no security. And every room was like an all-black comedy show, which was fine. We worked them. I remember waiting tables in there, and this girl I worked with named Gabrielle, she looked like Cameron Diaz and Marsha Brady. It was real weird. It depended on how she parted her hair. She could be either or.

So she was in the main, in the original room and they were like, hey, Susie Chapstick, you know. Susie Chapstick. It was 93. What a great name. So they'd be like,

hey, Susie Chapstick, go send that guy a drink. And she'd be like, okay. But because, you know, if she did that, they would tip her.

So she, one night she brought this drink over to this guy and she said oh it's femme so-and-so you know this i mean right can't get any whiter girl being like and he was like that motherfucker's here and it was like a gang thing and it turned into a brawl like every okay running out oh it was awful so there was like fights like that that they so mitzi finally got rid of that but then there was a night with tupac he left

and his people he was still outside his people were arguing and then it turned into a shootout in front of the main room they were like in front of the main room and at the house of blues but it was like an all western but i think tupac was already in the car pretty much it wasn't him like shooting it was his people do you remember the time when martin lawrence's bodyguard knocked out holtzman always funny because do i remember it martin lawrence's bodyguard okay i guess martin what was the story i love you and your bodyguard you know who you are i'm not gonna going to say your name, but we're nobody's pressing charges. So that being said, my first ex-fiance is a guy named Bill Branca.

Why are you saying his name on the podcast? Because he's a great guy. I don't care about him. I mean, I care about him, but I don't- You about to throw him under a bus? No. He's a booking agent for comics because back in the day stacy mark was his assistant they were they worked for william mars so um when i was at the store like you said people would ask who's good who's you know so billy and i got really close obviously we got engaged and i would say you got to come see these comics i go chris tucker phenomenal and this other guy brian holtzman they come see chris tucker no problems great they signed chris tucker um chris was already getting hot you know phenomenal. And this other guy, Brian Holtzman, they come see Chris Tucker. No problems. Great.

They signed Chris Tucker. Chris was already getting hot, you know, whatever. So that was an easy whatever. But so Holtzman, nobody knows. They invite everybody. It's packed in the original room. I mean, packed. I'm thrilled because I'm waiting tables. But also my fiance is getting a cool client. Right. This is a guy I think is great. He's going to make money off him. So it's packed. I think Stu Smiley was there. I mean, from HBO, like Billy had everybody out.

And Holtzman goes up and the first joke doesn't land. While this is happening, Billy gets a phone call from Martin, who's his client. And Martin says, what are you doing? He goes, I'm at the comedy store seeing a comic. He goes, I'm going to stop by. So he did. But we didn't have any seats only near the piano near where it was Steve Moore back then. But Jeff Scott would sit. So Martin sat right there in front of the piano ish. And Holtzman's on stage. First joke bombs. And he goes, you think this is easy up here yeah yeah I'm trying to impress Billy Morrison or whatever their name is you know and he starts

losing it right and I'm but fuck I'm putting drinks down whatever so Martin starts heckling him and Brian's like it's not you think this is easy you come up here and tell the jokes it's not easy these people are here to see me they're expecting something and he's spiraling right and then martin um is just sitting there but brian made the fatal mistake of getting off stage and walking toward them to say you go on stage and martin's bodyguard got up and just knocked him out in front of a house, a packed house. Meanwhile, the people from William Morris were like, is this part of the show? Fucking idiots. But Billy was sweating because he knew it wasn't part of the show.

He was like, shit. And then Nancy was the manager. She came out and she got in a fight with Martin. But apparently Martin was going through some stuff then. Was that pre-wetsuit Martin? When he was waving the gun on Ventura? It was right around the same. You know, he was the number one guy that Mitzi would put me on after when I was young.

I loved Martin. When I first started there. At the time, in 94, he was a monster. Beast. He was a monster. Beast. He was a monster. He would sell out that room in the main room and pack the place, and they would be so pumped to see him. Then when I would go on stage, the moment he would introduce me, I would go on stage

and three quarters of the crowd would get up and walk out. Because they were only there to see Martin. Of course. You were basically doing stand-up to the end of a yard sale. People were walking out. Hey, we still got some stuff over here. We still got a few things. Hello, I'm still here.

It was the best. He was a slayer. It taught you two things at the same time. It taught you your place in the food chain. And then it taught you, like, this is what it's like to even watch a guy at the top of his game who I think is one of the most underrated comics of all time. Agreed. I'm a big fan, and people get mad at me I love my in the day if you watch you so crazy oh go watch some of his old stand-up specials he was fucking amazing he was so good his timing his his facial

expressions his mannerisms his writing everything was on point his show was great his show was amazing but I think an extra on there. That's probably why people don't know him as much for stand-up. Oh, because the show was so big? It was so big and so hard to do. I mean, remember how many characters he would play? He loved it. And he wrote a lot of it.

There were so many hours involved on that show. I think he wrote a lot of it. I think Martin was one of the writers. Bentley, there was a lot. The only reason I know all this is because like i said billy was his yes like and what happened with billy this is why i say i always speak highly of him even though he broke my heart anyway um yeah no billy but uh he got fired for he used to work he was working as an assistant at william mars and he got fired for catering to his black clients and he was like F you I'm

leaving and catering like because he was spending a lot of time working with these guys trying to build them and they thought it was a disproportionate they said there's no money in black comedy and Billy was like fuck you and he left and he started working out of a garage but how could

that be any more wrong you have no idea but what happened was all those clients left with him and it was Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Joe Torre, Adele Givens,

Guy Torre, Tommy Davidson. Yeah, just think of that list. Montero Ivy, like the Yo Mama Joke guy. Like, I mean everybody and then he got Martin on Def Jam.

Imagine saying there's no money in block comedy. That's ridiculous and they were making good money on the road. Of course. Like, all those guys were killing it back in the day. Because Billy was making this possible.

And they were, nobody was paying any attention. But then William Morris, his company got so big with Martin and Chris and Tommy that William Morris bought his company back. Tommy, that William Mars bought his company back. Well, agents, like agencies, have throughout history been wrong so often. A million times over. Here's what they're really good at. They're really good at representing you and getting you business with other people who want to do business, whether it's TV shows or things like that.

But occasionally, and it's not all agents, because my agent's amazing. Stacey's the best. I love her to death. She's one of my favorite people on the planet. I love her. I love her as a human. I love her as a human. She's a good person.

I would be friends with her no matter what, even if she was never my agent. She's amazing. But what a lot of agents are doing is they're trying to figure out what's going to work. And it's guessing. It's like if I was telling you who's the best basketball player. I'm fucking guessing. I can't play basketball. Right, right, right.

I have zero... He looks like he dribbles properly. You know what I'm saying? Like if I was watching basketball and I just started trying to assess why LeBron is better than this guy or that guy is better than this guy and you know, uh-uh. I don't know what I'm talking about. They don't know what they're talking about a lot of times. It's not all,

all the times, but there's a good percentage of the time where they kind of learn some names and they figure things out and they don't really understand and they don't have a lot of like view into the future of what's possible. Right. There's no, that's, that's where managers are supposed to come in.

So what a manager's job is supposed to be is look at you, Eleanor, and go, Eleanor, we have to think about long term with you. We have to think about what's the best way to get your personality up. It might be a podcast. You know what I mean? They think about things. Whereas the agent's like, we got a call from Spotify. We got a call from HBO.

We got a call from them. We're going call from HBO. We got a call from them. We're going to put you together. You should take the deal. I should take the deal. And the manager's like, Eleanor, relax, relax. Hold on a second. This deal, you're not going to be able to do other things. You have to understand, it sounds good, but this is going to stop you from doing three

other things that are actually going to wind up paying you more money. The agent doesn't give a fuck. They want to make that sale. Let's go. They want their percentage and they want to move on. And they don't care who lives or dies through it you know the best example that is when i started doing this podcast uh went to my agency and i said hey um do you guys can you help us get ads and they're like oh we don't see a future in podcasts it's like my dad saying computers are only a phase from his typewriter store.

But that's, throughout history people have done that. Throughout history. That's insane. Now they can't get enough. Oh, do you have a podcast? And they want to own a piece of your podcast. If you give us 50%, of course, pieces of shit. That's what's really.

You're right though. That's what's really slippery. It's gross. It's like big pieces. They're trying to own big pieces of podcasts. Yeah. Because if you have a young kid, and he's 21 years old, and he's out of Kansas, he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, but he's really funny. And if you could trick that little fuck into some sneaky contract...

Oh, yeah. Where you own 50% of his podcast... Which most of them do, and then they get some fame fame or they get some heat, whatever it is, and then they fire everybody and people are like what? She fired me. I had the whole I took you through the whole come up and it's like Yeah, you almost sold me out. You almost ruined everything. You almost ruined most

of my life. Yeah, it's ridiculous. First of all, you have to pay what's the number you pay to the government anyway? Some crazy number. Then you gotta pay agents and managers and lawyers and then 50%? 50% is fucking agency? And we'll help you get guests. And we'll help you.

No, bitch. You ain't doing shit. I would 100% kill my podcast with fire. And then I would wait until the contract was up. And then we'd start it again. There's no way. No. I'm not doing that.

I'd rather give that money to charity. I'd rather give that money to my friends. I'd rather buy people things. You can't have money for no reason. It's one thing if they have an idea. Managers, if you can have a real good manager.

Managers are really important. If you have real good agents, agents are really important. But the whole business is like, everyone's just running around playing musical chairs and hoping that they have a place to sit when the music stops. Right. And there's a lot of managers that I admire because they would come to the comedy store when they were assistants and sit in the back and watch and see who was developing. And all those guys and girls prospered because they watched and they waited and they courted, if you will,

these comics, young comics. Sometimes they'd be like, who should I go after? And I'm like, try this person. Check that person out. You guys would get along with this person. And they always would. And they would get,

the comics would get agents or managers, whatever, most of them were managers that would hang out. And they would make them superstars. Jamie Kennedy just had a piece about this on his Instagram. And, you know, Jamie Kennedy's an odd guy. Oh, yeah. He's really odd. He's a Philly boy.

For people who don't remember, the Jamie Kennedy experiment, which was on, I forget what network it was on, is one of the all-time best prank shows. I mean, Jamie Kennedy should 100% move to a country where what he did was legal. Because it's probably not legal to do that anymore here, where people don't know what you're doing and you've got hidden cameras. But that show was fucking amazing. Do you remember Guys Gone Nuts? No.

It was a thing where he would... Oh, he did it. Oh, got it. So he had Girls Gone Wild, and then there was an episode called Guys Gone Nuts. Got it. And it was basically a prank show. Girls Gone Wild was like,

this guy would film girls going crazy at bars and pulling their tops up. It was so drunk. It was so crazy. And then they would sell these DVDs. This is how stupid people were before the internet. They would literally buy DVDs of girls drinking and partying. Oh, there they are.

Yeah, shit that you would pass right through on TikTok. What if I came up on there? Would you shit yourself? Like if you just saw me flashing you? I'd be like, Eleanor, no. So anyway, he tricks these guys into thinking they're auditioning for Guys Gone Nuts. And so then they tell him, you know, we're going to tour on the road. You guys are going to be huge.

And these guys are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And eventually it gets to. He looks ridiculous. Eventually it gets to, you're going to have to do some gay shit. And they're like, well, how much gay shit? Wait a minute. Tell me about how much money and then how much gay shit. Yeah, you got to go.

It's not good. But here's the thing. Good lord. I'm telling you. What this exposed is like influencers. This exposed like what people will do to be famous. This is all pre-internet influencers. Influencers are pretty, yeah. like what people will do to be famous. Sure. This is all pre-internet influencers.

Influencers are pretty, yeah. Yeah, I'm not saying that you have to do gay stuff to get famous. What I'm saying is what this is is it's fame overall. Even if you're heterosexual and you're a man, you're willing to do some gay stuff if you think it's eventually going to get to you. I do a lot of gay stuff and no one lets me be famous. I think we're talking about a different thing.

But if you, like the big thing with Hollywood was always that there are certain producers who are gay. And if you don't sleep with them or you don't they will get mad and they'll blackball you. The gay mafia. But there was always rumors. There was never names named.

But there was always rumors. Remember Howie Long? Didn't he have an issue with like gay stuff in a movie I think I don't I don't know I think there's people with power right they would probably get a kick out of getting a straight guy to suck their dick 100% because it's about changing them yeah yeah like I don't get him on my team it's not even about that it's about do it even if you don't like it oh that, that's a power trip. I like that. You want to be a star, son?

You want to be a star? Ooh. Yeah. But that's the thing about having like ultimate power. Like if you're a movie producer, which is like a podcast is the opposite of that. Right? A hundred percent. Because a podcast.

It's less desperate. It's just a conversation. Yeah. You can always start your own. Right. You can't make your own movie. If you want to be Wonder Woman. You can. You got to be Wonder own. Right. You can't make your own movie. I mean, you can. If you want to be Wonder Woman, you got to be Wonder Woman. Okay?

We got one Wonder Woman. We got four and a half billion people on the planet that are girls, Eleanor. So if you want to be Wonder Woman, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I can be Wonder Woman. Okay. Good, good, good, good, good. We get some funding and I get a cute outfit. We got Batman, but we need Robin.

You know anybody? Yeah. The next thing you know, you're bringing the guy in. Robin, what are you doing down there? And he's having this conversation. There's only one Robin. Michael, look at me. There's one Robin. Four and a half billion men on this planet. There's one Robin.

How many people are on this planet? I'm exaggerating, I think. I like, by the way, just keep saying numbers because people just suck it up. People just suck it up. People just eat it up. Joe Rogan said it. It's real. It's got to be real.

As long as it's not Joe Biden. My favorite shit is when he starts telling the number. 484% of America are vaccinated. We have to have 40,000. He takes a nap in between. We have to have 40,000 vaccinated people just in Iowa. Stop it. It's a sin for him. Boy, what what a front runner that's a horrible front runner it's a sin

for him to be running shit it's exactly this whole thing is crazy what's the number of people i want to say it's like close to eight billion right is it eight billion seven billion it's a little over seven now because people be fucking i feel like there's a lot more. Yeah. But my mother alone has populated a lot of people. What do you got, Jamie? The world, that's the world on meters is 7.9 billion. Eight.

So basically eight. Eight billion people. Because they're not counting a lot of folks. So every person has bought a burger at McDonald's because that's the ticker. Right. It probably is like $8 billion. Like when you ever drive by a McDonald's. I play a little game on myself where I pretend the Filet-O-Fishes are better for you.

I like that trick, but I don't eat fish. But I had McDonald's twice last week. You should have a Filet-O-Fish because it's barely fish. God damn it, Texas closing early. Everything was closed after shows. No, you just need to know the right spots. Well, Austin is pretty cool because they have those food trucks that stay open.

But actual like, let's just say diner or I don't know, restaurants, everything was closed. So we wound up going to McDonald's. Yeah, but there's a few Tex-Mex spots that stay open real late. We were in Dallas and San Antonio. I don't know. San Antonio's like a city that they were building, and then they were like, yeah, we're good.

We're going to stop. Have you been to San Antonio? It's frightening. Where's the Alamo? Is that El Paso? No, it's San Antonio. That's San Antonio, too? I thought it was San Antonio.

Yeah, El Paso's where Freddy Soto was from. I've been there. They're scarred. It's the fucking Alamo. Right. They're hurting. Shit went down. But it looks like the Alamo just finished last week.

The Alamo is the size of a small bank. You ever go there? No. It's shocking how little it is. I haven't gone. I think I've seen just footage. I haven't been personally. I've only looked at pictures and videos online.

It's very small. We did a great show in San Antonio. It was so much fun. The crowds were phenomenal. And we did it in the Sp show in San Antonio. It was so much fun. Like, the crowds were phenomenal. And we did it in the Spurs in the arena. Oh, nice. So we did it in the AT&T Center. Yeah.

Oh, there you go. But it was, yeah, I don't sell that many tickets. I was like, damn, Eleanor's killing it. No, it was with Dice, of course. But it wasn't even, like, obviously, it wasn't, like, where they play. But it was next door. They run this, like, really cool spot. Like the Hulu Theater that's next to Madison Square Garden?

Right. It's like the Hulu has like 6,000. Yeah. So no, it wasn't even that many. It was like 400, 300 or 400. It wasn't even that big. It was even smaller. Yeah, because of the COVID nonsense,

they've come up with all this. San Antonio has COVID rules? That's hilarious. Yeah, and they just started the mask thing. That's the epicenter of spreading. Right. That's where Schaub and Callen both got it. Really?

They just put the mask mandate in effect that day. Again, brought it back the day we were there. So I felt bad because the audience had to wear masks. That's okay. It doesn't matter. Yeah. But it was not as big as obviously. What drives me nuts is masks

at the gym it's like listen don't go to the gym because you're you're not gonna run with a mask well there's all this yeah this shit's in the air let's we're lying to each other i mean i don't know how much a mask actually protects but the problem is like the standard of what a mask consists of is so low they're like there's guys who wear bandanas. Bandanas are- I was doing that in the beginning. They're just hanging there. There's all this air.

I really didn't feel safe, but I enjoyed it. It's like the mask equivalent to putting your foot under the blanket because that way the monsters who live under the bed can't jump up and bite your feet. I don't know why you're saying it like that's not a real thing. But you know what I mean? Like you're scared to let your feet dangle off when you're a little kid. That's what a bandana is. A bandana is-

It was fun. Because they were like, do you have a mask? I'm like, why would I have a fucking surgical mask in the beginning I'm talking about, the pandemic. So I remember seeing Annie Letterman with a mask. I'm like, where the fuck did you get that? She's like, oh, my mother sent it to me. I'm like, oh, great.

I'm like, mom, do you have any surgical masks? She's like, oh, honey, I don't go outside. I don't think. But I don't think those are good enough. I think they'll do a little bit. They'll do a little bit if you're spitting. Like if you're spitting, it keeps you from spitting on me. That's what it really does.

Yeah. It keeps us from spitting in each other's mouths. There's probably- Should we try that? I think it has to have some effect. If I finish this, we're going to start spitting. Let's spit. We've known each other a long time.

Spitting each other. I don't give a fuck. But like, it's got- I got the antibodies, cuz. It's a real- You do. Strong antibodies. Almost as strong as Jamie's.

Jamie's are like super human. Oh, Jamie's are strong? Jamie has super human antibodies. I'm telling you. And you got COVID, right? In August or October, rather, of 2020. Last year. Wow. He got it real early. like oh jamie's are strong jamie has superhuman antibodies and you got covid right in a in august or october rather of uh last year wow he got it real early 2020 yeah yeah i'm losing the numbers the numbers don't mean anything anymore it doesn't because you can't we all have covid brain

technically some people have it worse than others but the whole year and a half was just so bananas for people yeah i was telling you out there the way my mom got COVID infuriated me because she went to a hospital and they put her on a COVID floor, even though she tested negative twice. Well, she went to a hospital for UTR. Right. Explain that. But it got into her blood system. So it made- So it was totally non-COVID related.

Right. it got into her blood system so it made so it's totally non-covid related right and but it was in her blood it was an infection in her blood that she they didn't understand so they kept testing her for covid um they took her she did i was driving back across the country so i wasn't home how did they find out that it's a uti and not after a week of being in the hospital and giving her every test under the sun, they figured that's what it was. So it's a gut. It comes from the gut or the UTI, whatever, like something like that. In older people, that happens. My mom's 82 or now she's 83. But when it happened, she was 82. But so she she what I was driving across the country back to L.A. I was driving across the country back to LA and she called an ambulance

because she was feeling that fatigued it was getting her that hard and they took her to this ghetto hospital in South Philly and they put her on a COVID floor they start testing her she said she got tested like six times for COVID so they assumed she had COVID when they brought her in that's why they put her on the COVID floor

and then she wound up getting COVID because she was on the COVID floor and then she wound up getting COVID because she was on the COVID floor with a UTI. Yes. And they will never ever convince me that something else other than that happened. Because they sent her home they put a pick line in her because we basically threatened

them to send her home. Or we're going to, you know, my family's crazy. We're coming and we're going to take over this hospital. The Taliban's nothing on the Kerrigans. Okay. So, I mean, we were coming to take this hospital over. And so they let her out. They put a PICC line in.

We put antibiotics. For 10 days, I had to put antibiotics in her. And we did everything properly. My nephew's a nurse. His wife's a doctor. So we kept referencing, you you know calling them and referencing everything so we were doing everything right then about four days in she got the sniffles and then we just thought it was allergies i had a little bit of it like just sniffly whatever i

went back to la i did shows with like bill burr and a couple other people then when i tested positive somebody told me i had to call everybody and i was like coughing or anything before those shows no nothing nothing like never had any symptoms i mean other than the heavy allergy thing like where i was like sneezing so here's the question but how many people can you spread it when i flew like that jesus i mean i cover up but you never got it you never got sick. I never really got fully sick. I felt tired and I felt like. But you were never coughing? No.

You were never. But I thought my tiredness was because I was so upset about my mom and what she was going through. So I thought I was just kind of, when I came back to LA, I thought I was just like unfolding kind of. Got it. Because I was riding a bike every day. I was running. I never stopped exercising. Then I did a show with all those guys.

And my family started testing positive. So I went to get tested. And I tested positive. And somebody said, you have to call everybody and tell them. So I was like, oh, shit. Now I know what the horror in high school felt like. Calling everybody to be like, uh-oh, I had an outbreak. And everybody was so cool about it.

Like Bill, he was like, I hope it's because I didn't know if it was like a false positive. You know what I mean? I had no idea. Everybody was so positive about it. A couple of people like Dean Del Rey was on it. Ian Edwards keeps telling people I tried to kill him. Bill was probably hoping he got it so he'd have something to yell about. Maybe. And I feel bad. We all had our mask on,

but we were sitting around talking at a show. And we were indoors of a place, sitting talking. So I was like, God damn, what if I would have spread it to everybody? I would have felt terrible. I've never given anybody... So nobody got it?

No, everybody got tested and they tested negative. There's a real question as to everybody would have felt terrible yeah i've never given anybody nobody got it see the thing is no everybody got everybody got tested and they test it negative negative here's there's a real question as to whether or not you're spreading it if you're asymptomatic how do you know i don't know the thing is is like there's so many different cases and then there's also so many different interpretations of what asymptomatic means because here's the problem with that it's like you have your own personal interpretation and some people and this is i'm just trying to be nice i'm not trying to be mean at all just being honest some people don't necessarily understand what feeling good means right they don't ever feel good which is weird to me how do they go through that that's crazy life is complicated so you just learn to live with

things people have health troubles they have emotional troubles they have mental health troubles they have depression they have anxiety and some of them don't exercise at all right so if you're good or bad it's hard to tell what's going on yeah right the only way i think you really know if something is off is if you rigorously exercise almost every day because you have a baseline like if you show up in the gym and you exercise all the time you have a baseline of what your body is normally normally capable of doing it because you force your body into doing rigorous shit all the time right so for those people they get there and they're like something's off something just feels off and they'll know and so what is asymptomatic because they're not asymptomatic they're feeling

something right but they're only feeling it because they're rigorously exercising so they're taxing their body on two separate separate occasions, I felt that, where everybody around me got COVID. Two separate occasions. My whole family and everybody I work with on two separate occasions. And there was two other occasions where I never felt anything, but everybody around me got COVID. And I think it's because of cardio. It's cardiovascular exercise. Cardio, when you start lifting heavy weights or doing cardio, you feel whether or not you feel good. Yeah. Like you're like, something's wrong.

I can't do this. Or if you're jogging and you stop. Yeah, if you have normal, like if you're jogging, like you run. So you normally can do a mile in what, like under seven minutes or something, right? Let's not get crazy. Under 10 minutes. Okay. But if one day you're like, you can't do it in under 14, you know something's wrong.

Yeah. But if you don't ever run, that seems normal. I'm just laughing because my nephew, who plays for the Twins, I'm wearing his jersey. It's very exciting. Turn around. Show everybody. Kelly Kerrigan, number 50. This is his spring training jersey.

Jimmy Kerrigan. Shout out to Jimmy. He's phenomenal. Fucking Jimmy. Why don't they pull you up from the fucking- Yo, Minnesota. Get it together. What's up, Minnesota?

Why you got him in the minors? I didn't want- I know he's in AAA. He's been killing it. This is bullshit. I think he's got 16 or 17 home runs. Is AAA better than single A? Yes, Joseph.

One, two, three. Anyway, I didn't want people to think oh i wasn't representing philadelphia on the joe rogan podcast i just had my made in south philly shirt let's not get crazy from my friend tony bat dirty mug and anyway so so jimmy and i you're trying to tell me he's got covid who jimmy oh no jimmy and i were running jogging so he go i go i said jim if you ever go run in because he worked out a lot because during covet he was off i'd like they weren't letting you do it but he was still training in philadelphia he also like trains kids in the neighborhood and stuff so he was working and training so i said

jim if you go running i want to go with you he goes yeah so he calls me up he's like you know let's go running so he goes how long you want to do i go three miles he goes no i'll die and i go really we start jogging i'm, you're a fucking baseball player. Are you shitting me? Stop. Hold on a second. I'm jogging. He's like, how slow are you going? Because he does what? Five minute mile. So yeah, if he did a five minute, three, five minute miles, he would probably faint, but he's a power lif lifter so he just runs fast for a couple he just runs like one mile and he's done and then he goes and power lifts like crazy well baseball is you know my wrestling coach uh in high school oh i thought you meant me my wrestling coach coach

murphy those wrestling coaches the fake wrestling coaches and coach hurwitz no in high school like they're regular wrestling no that's fake wrestling i did real. And Coach Hurwitz. No, in high school. Like, they're regular wrestlers. No, that's fake wrestling. I did real wrestling. You just... No. Okay. I know what you're saying. I understand what you're trying to prove.

So, catch on. He would say that baseball's a skills game. He's like, it's not a sport. It's a skills game. A hundred percent. Because it doesn't require conditioning. Wait a minute. I think he's got a point.

It's a skills game. You don't think it requires conditioning? No, it does not. My nephew's a strength and conditioning coach. No, no, no, no. Strength is one thing. It's a very big deal. Strength is one thing.

Conditioning is a different thing. Conditioning is like a fighter. Like fighters have to be in condition because they get tired and they have to keep going. Same. Same with baseball. They have three fucking plates to get to it's this far one you're on first i can show you jimmy if you pull up my instagram and then you're on what my jimmy did okay but hold please i'm not saying there's anything wrong with what jimmy's doing

just get it straight there's no way they're in the kind of shape that soccer players are in what they put their bodies to their yes you're right they do but that's the smash a ball into the next fucking atmosphere they're trying to knock a ball into jupiter right that's true my brother jimmy will tell you he has done that it doesn't help to be 140 pounds to be able to run 100 miles right it's a different level of conditioning that they have wrestlers are at a different kind of conditioning you If you want to talk about an elite Olympic, a Jordan Burroughs class wrestler, they're in crazy condition. They have to be able to go, go, go, go, go.

They can't have a second of hesitation because they're directly going against another person who's also testing their conditioning. In baseball, it's not that it's not a difficult thing to do. It's a way it's hitting a fastball thrown by a major league pitcher. At 100 miles an hour? It's one of the hardest things in all of sports. Jesus. It's one of the

hardest things to do. Yeah. But it's a skill more than it's a condition. That's all my wrestling coach would say. I see what you're saying. I get that part of it, but I mean, I do think they need to condition themselves to be prepared for anything out there no like yeah but you're a girl and you know you see things all fucked up not fully transitioned some people are gonna watch this thinking oh my god joe had caitlin on anyway

no your voice is too high oh yeah is it do i have a high voice way high crazy i think mine's too high my brothers would kill me if i have a high voice? Way high. Crazy. I think mine's too high. My brothers would kill me if I had a high voice. Would they? Oh my God. Your brothers would kill you if you had a high voice. Imagine that.

That's the standard. That's it. This high voice shit's gotta go. We're in a tiny South Philly row home. If there was a girl in there like we would be slaughtered.

Good point. If you had a mansion and you live in a place with a large pool. I could be on the other end. I remember one time yelling at my mom and being like, mom. And she's like, hold on. I'm on the West Wing. The West Wing.

She's like right there. She would always yell random like crazy shit. When I that made me think of something when i took that wrestling gig for wow women of wrestling and i called her i was nervous because you know she's she i'm such a i was such a tomboy growing up i'm number eight and my mom had four boys in a row and then she had me and she was like finally a little girl and i came out and i'm like fuck yeah where's the football i'll fight everybody I mean like a crazy person so she's like why can't you be a girl why can't you be a real girl and she would like get upset

with me and so she put me in a dress I play I think I play rumble fumble in my communion dress like bad right dad must have brave hearts berm he really does I bet he does right i guess my mom had 10 kids my mom's sister had 10 kids so there's something about the fertile ladies the fertile irish girls they're savage humans it's true they like to have a lot of kids my mom wanted my mom and dad wanted 12 and then after 10 my dad was like yeah this is a lot i'm gonna go so he tagged out he did he tagged out oh but when I called her to tell her I was gonna take the wrestling show she was like oh honey that's great and I'm like really because I was on a cell phone and it's 20 years ago now and I said I don't be mad but I'm gonna take this show and she goes oh honey I'm so proud of you and I'm like okay because you but I'm going to take this show. And she goes, oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. And I'm like, OK, because, you know, I moved to L.A. to meet Meryl Streep.

I didn't know I was going to be a wrestler. And so she so I go, you know what? I'm going to call you when I get home. And I waited. I got home, took me like 15 minutes. I called her from a landline and I go, hey. And my sister Karen answered and she goes, yo, you're going to be on West Wing. She thought i said west wing when i said wrestling oh my she told everybody joe at the whole family she was outside telling the neighbors that i was going to be on west wing and i'm like oh my god you have to get inside like i'm not gonna be with martin sheen i'm gonna have a woman with a mullet and a sleeper hold so you have to come back inside please what did you have a conversation

with her were you explained yeah so she was like oh my god why would you do that why would you do that and then she goes if you say wrestling and West Wing in a sentence fast, it sounds the same. It kind of does a little. I'm like, bitch. So then I start wrestling and it's on TV and she starts calling me up and she's like, listen, when you're throwing those kicks or whatever,

you're missing. So can you get it together? If you're going to embarrass the family, can you please at least do it properly? Like she started critiquing my shit. She was like, yeah, you're pretending it hurts here and it shouldn't hurt here. It should hurt here. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is real, lady.

She's out of control. Oh, look. Oh, there it is. Easy rider. The Bronco Busteruster that was my move hurt doing this i did actually with selena this match selena was our trainer she's phenomenal and um she and thug was one of our trainers too in the middle there that's the leg to stand on jo. That's the one you were at. Yes. And so they took her out of the hospital. And so we. Was this at the Forum? Yeah, in Inglewood.

The Forum in LA. That was me telling her she's not going to have a leg to stand on. Always funny. This is my favorite. She's so good. Joe, how embarrassing is this? The moment is so strong. That was these girls these ladies are fucking phenomenal wrestlers right and selena beat the shit out of me that night because she didn't have time she goes i'm

gonna call the match so she called it in my ear and i'm like what does that mean and watch what she does to me like i knew certain things that i had to do but for the most part she was whispering it in my ear and i kept going to the wrong side and getting knocked the fuck out like like she rips me over the thing and so she hit me with a chair and i went like that because she goes here comes the chair like quick in my ear and i was like what and then i turned there's a chair coming and i broke my pinky then i did a backflip and i hit a pyro so i cut my head real bad i had a hairline fracture in my collarbone she fucked me up that night she looks like she's dying and i'm half dead here comes the bronco buster how embarrassing this is your move the bronco buster did you ever hurt your taint no but i may have hurt her tits uh no it seems like it would hurt and this is it she's

gonna call the match and you'll see me i'm going to the wrong side like what what what did you say and just it's so bad like if you you fully. Oh, yeah. Look at her. What trash. Pure trash. My dad was advertising it in his typewriter store. My daughter's on TV. His typewriter store.

He didn't give a shit. The fact that your dad has a typewriter store is like a sideline all in the family. Exactly. But who has a typewriter store and has 10 children and doesn't get into computers at all? Like doesn't help anybody.

Like why are you so anti- I'm sticking with this typewriter thing. This computer shit's gonna die out with the next solar flare. That's what he would say. It's only a phase. Stop that shit.

Well, if you imagine that the whole world operated without electricity until amazing what was the year like it was there was the the big world i bet you were something before electricity i was just watching caddyshack i think it was the world fair and where they were tesla and edison had was it Edison or Tesla? Whoever it was that lit up this entire outside area. It was the first time. Oh, that was the first time it was ever. I feel like it was in the 20s.

In 1882, Edison helped light up parts of Manhattan, but progress was slow. And this is by 1925. Half of all homes have electric power. What was the year of the World Fair? There was a large electrical exhibition where they show that they can light up an enormous part. I want to say it was of Washington, D.C. I want to say it was somewhere near the White House. I want to say I have no idea.

Chicago's World Fair. Oh, Chicago's World Fair. Okay. So in 1893. I want to say I have no idea. Chicago's World Fair. Oh, Chicago's World Fair. Okay. So in 1893. So, you know, not really that long ago. You know, 150 years ago? Whatever the fuck it was. There's a movie that's loosely based around this time period called The Current War.

It stars Benedict Cumberbatch. That guy. So a decent movie, but it's not fully like historical. I remember I watched it. I thought it was good, and I looked up. It's sort of like they took some liberties, but it's about that exact time period when power sort of takes over and people are fighting over stuff. Can you see if you find some images of the World Fair in Chicago being lit up? So this is the 1890s.

Do they still have World Fairs? And is it rude to not invite other people? Right. It is rude. So that was the first time series see that thing yeah right the world series who the fuck is from another country well you're lying well they do right look at that recruit from other countries yeah they do a little bit a lot that's why i'm looking for a dominican to have a baseball player with electricity at the

world fair go to that image to be fair it'd be really hard to take pictures of this too at the time period because the camera technology wouldn't really be. No flash. I'm kidding. No, the exposure, right? They might be able to get some. Can you get that one

to the left of that? Yeah, look at that. Oh, look at that. Can you go full screen on that? Look at that. That's wild. Imagine never seeing anything like that

and then one day some guy hits a switch. You're just like. And lights up everything. We're so used to it. It anything like that. And then one day some guy hits a switch. Just like. And lights up everything. We're so used to it. It's like Christmas every day. But the fucked up thing is before that, everybody could see the stars. That's the thing.

Because it was so clear. From that moment on, I wonder if you could see, like, if there was a way of measuring the way human beings understand how small we are, how insignificant we are in the cosmos and the greater sense of the universe and just realize that you only have a small amount of time here. I thought you were talking about my self-esteem. There was a connection. If you could go back to the moment where they lit up the skies. a connection if you could go back to the moment where they lit up the skies because the moment when they started doing like light when they lit up all the buildings and lit up all the city streets you stop being able to see the stars there's a direct disconnect between our understanding of where we fit in the universe also the high rises too right like that yeah but it's the sky whatever

you call the skyline a little bit but you can still see the stars. You should be able to see the stars. The thing about night lights is they blind you. You can't. It's like your focus is on what's bright in front of you. You can't see the stars anymore. Your eye's not good enough to do it. It's up there still, but you don't see it because of the glare of the streetlights.

Right, that's what I was thinking. That's real new. In 1977, there was a power outage in Manhattan that allowed people to see the Milky Way for the first time in a long time. Oh, because of the power outage. Wait, why do you keep saying it's new? It's new. New. Power.

Power to do that in terms of human history is just the last couple hundred years. Oh, I see what you mean like it's new new power power to do that in in terms of human history is just the last couple hundred years oh i see that's so new yeah where you blind out the stars i think most of throughout human history most of our humility and our like the the thoughts of the gods living in the sky and a lot of that had to do with the fact that above you was the most spectacular thing you could ever see. Have you ever been in the country and seen what it looks like? I try not to, but I have gone. And I'm going to be honest. I get weirded out if it's too clear because I'm such inner city.

And then like if I even L.A. freaks me out sometimes it's too uh country open isn't that weird i know well la is like a giant mall but you could also it's true but you could also like drive you know maybe 20 minutes out of town and it's desolate light pollution in 1908 and 2017 look at the difference this is from an article where that same sort of thing happened in LA. People called 911 when they could see the Milky Way for the first time. During 1994 blackout in LA. Hey, there's something in the sky. We don't know what it is. No, it just shows you how fucking dumb people in LA are.

Like they wouldn't enjoy it. They're like, call 911. This is bullshit. What is that? Call 911 when they saw the Milky Way for the first time. They thought it was over. Imagine calling the cops. Milky Ways are at the end of a counter. This shows you

how infantilized humans are. You would call the police if you thought the world was ending. There was something in the sky that didn't make any sense. You call 911. Hello, police officers! What would you do if you saw, I don't know, something falling out of the sky? I'm going to say what you always say, like, the ball of sun is going to come down.

I never say that, but thanks for making me sound stupid. You know what I mean? The ball of sun is going to come down. Joe, you made me have a drink. You didn't even have a drink. A couple sips. Either I'm going to fight everybody in this room or fuck everybody in this room. So I got to stop drinking.

Whoa. Either way, there's casualties. So listen. Now, the sun right you always say is a ball of fire yes and may or may not fall out of the sky and fall i don't really say that joe you've said that on stage i definitely haven't said that okay say it the way you would say it i would say it's it's a giant spiraling ball of fire a million times larger than Earth, and it's just hovering in the sky for no reason anybody's ever explained to me that makes sense. But maybe it's because you say that, and in my head I say, what if it comes down?

I don't think that. I just think, like, that. And it comes to get me, specifically. All I would say is, like, the bit was about the Grand Canyon. I think that's it. Everybody was saying, like, how amazing, you've got to see it. I go, it's a ditch. I go, you can see the bottom. I think that's it. Everybody was saying, like, how amazing. You got to see it. I go, it's a ditch. I go, you can see the bottom.

I go, look up. I go, we are in space. The biggest mystery that's ever happened is in front of you right now. Right here, yeah. And you ignore it and you're looking at the hole in the ground. Oh, Jesus, Joe. Yeah, you see the... Catch the shooting star.

They freak people out. It's been happening. I tell people with dumb asses. I thought I was having a stroke. I'm like, just don't drink anymore. But the idea is that- But in my head, I interpreted it a certain way. In my head.

And then I always think of that. Like, I'll just be driving and I'm like, I just start looking. Like, what if something just crazy starts coming out of the sky? Anything. Like, sometimes they're saying there's like- You have to assume no one has any idea how to survive it right but i the first the last thing i would think of is calling 9-1-1 right because you're not retarded well i'm on the spectrum but i don't mean like a disease no no i know what you're saying i mean like a moron who's like got a fully functional brain

that just my brain would go to, we have to survive. Yeah, I would never use that word. We have to figure this out. If I thought that you were compromised. Got it. Thank you. Aw, that's sweet. Are you trying not to get canceled?

No. I get it. I like it. I'm just saying the truth. That word's an important word. It's a very important word. If it's used the right way. Yeah.

And also if it's used the wrong way. also if it's used the wrong way because it's used the wrong way you find out a lot about a person yeah it's used the right way you go yeah that too because it's what it is it's retarded it's slowed down it's a like a slowing down of the understanding that's already been accepted in terms of like there's what people do know there's things that people just get used to saying yeah like growing up i'm an 80s kid we use that word a lot what word the retarded word oh you're scared to use it no i'm not scared to use it i'm like a little bit i'm have another step uh retard no so i mean we would say for everything right honest to god like yeah we would too and i had an uncle who was physically handicapped.

And like, he was in a wheelchair. And we would be like, yeah, he's retarded. Like, just, that's how we talked. Well, you were bad people. 100%. And pure white trash. So, but my thing is this. So like, then you get used to saying things like,

and because I'm obsessed with David Goggins, this is all your fault. Stay hard. This is what I do to my mother. I'm like with David Goggins this is all your fault stay hard this is what I do to my mother I'm like mom we have to meditate she's I don't want to meditate mom we're going to meditate and then in her mind meditation is prayer right because she's very catholic so you sit and you pray and I'm like and I'll get her to come and sit and then I put on David Goggins and he's like if somebody tells you you can't do something, you tell them go fuck themselves. And you do it. And my mother's like, Jason, turn this off.

This is awful. Why does he have to curse? Want me to read you what David Goggins sent me on my birthday? I'm obsessed with him. He's an awesome human being. I send it to my nephew all the time because I want him to get like, he gets down on himself. We always get hard on ourselves. He's an awesome human being.

He's amazing. Because there's not a lot of those out there. David, I love you. There's not a lot of those out there. This day, 54 years ago, you took your first breath. With taking that first breath, it made you eligible to die. I hope you're not enjoying your day by sitting on the fucking couch with your feet up. Hopefully you're out there somewhere suffering.

Talking to that inner bitch. See, Joe? The inner bitch loves motherfuckers' birthdays. Why? I'm so jealous. Because it makes you an even bigger bitch. Because we feel it's our special fucking

day. So we can just chill the fuck out most people wake up to just exist on this planet so joe if you haven't gotten the fuck after it yet maybe you should five exclamation points i'm obsessed with him. I love you, David. Happy fucking birthday! Five exclamation points. Goggins out! Six exclamation points. I love him. I listen to his book driving. I go crazy. I've listened to his book like three, four times.

That's the greatest birthday messages I've ever gotten in my life. It really is. That's fucking amazing. I hope you're suffering. I hope you're suffering. It's exactly right because that's fucking amazing but he's right he's like i hope you're suffering is exactly right because that's what we do like you took your first breath to know that you could take like something you're eligible to die motherfucker the only proof of life is death so it's so you gotta suffer you have to people i know they're the most miserable don't suffer

on purpose right and and that's like we were talking about working out and shit like that. Like, I have depression, obviously. I don't know. Comics, get it. Are you on that? Do you get depressed? No. See, you're one of those.

That's Andrew, too. I don't get it. I'm not depressed because I force myself into. Okay. Well, also, I don't have the chemistry for it. I think I do. I don't have, like, it. I think I do. I don't have depression in my family. Yeah.

But also, I've been very physically active since I was young. And there were studies that was done. We pulled it up the other day, the thing about the difference between the effectiveness of SSRIs versus the effectiveness of regular rigorous exercise. They're very similar. And some studies, they've shown that regular rigorous exercise is more effective than SSRIs. I agree 100%. I think it's variable, right?

Depending on how bad the person is. Your baseline biologically is different than Jamie's. It's different than mine. Everybody has different genetics. It's different than mine. Everybody has a different genetics. Yes. There's a different baseline. So it's like no one can ever say the way you feel is the way they feel. Because they have no fucking idea.

Every person's different. Right. Which is part of the problem when they prescribe medication. They don't know how you feel. Yeah. So they're trying to guess. Are you self-indulgent? Is this guy a fucking hypochondriac?

Is this guy really depressed? Is he really on the verge of suicide because there's a chemical imbalance? Or maybe his girl broke up with him and he's being a bitch. Maybe he's just down. He's not getting after it the way David Goggins tells you to. Maybe he's just lazy, sitting around playing video games all day, drinking Mountain Dew, and he feels like shit. Maybe there's that.

There's that. When a person feels like shit, it's hard to know if you're just an outside objective observer. It's hard to know why they're feeling like shit maybe there's that there's that when when a person feels like shit it's hard to know if you're just an outside objective observer it's hard to know why they're feeling like shit a hundred percent i can remember and i always feel terrible for my nieces and nephews because they have too much time and they have too much space like growing up in my mother's house there's 10 of us 12 of us whatever in a three-bedroom row home. Two and a half, technically. Explain a row home to people. A row home, if you've seen Rocky, like the houses are all connected. If you've seen Rocky.

Who doesn't watch Rocky? David Goggins, huh? I watch Rocky 45 times a day. Rocky was soft. Round 11, motherfucker. Okay, so he breaks it down to the round. It's the best. But anyway, he, um,

so, so my thing is like, we were on top of each other. Like I do a joke about being in the room with my brothers. There really was seven of us sleeping in one room. It was me and all my brothers. And then my sisters were in the middle room and my mom and dad was in the back room till my dad left. And then my little sister went in there cause she was, where's daddy? Anyway, that's a whole sad story. But anyway, so we were on top of each other and i can remember days being like sad and i'd be under the table like crying holding my dog being like no one loves me right i don't know why my brothers be like get up get out right so i would just go play softball or go swim or whatever i was doing you know and so i kept active Then there was like an adult time where when I got into my 20s where I stopped doing that. I wasn't playing softball all the time.

And it started getting worse. I would immerse myself in work or little things like that, but I wasn't working out until I started the wrestling and really working out. That fucking helped so much. wrestling and really working out that fucking helped so much when i get down and i'm i i know i joke about goggins but i'm serious when he says get the fuck up and get after it it's that little moment when you don't want to go is the best you'll feel after you go yeah people like him are fuel there's there's people like jocko jocko willink cam Cameron Haynes, David Goggins. Those people are fuel.

You know, they're letting you know. Then I hope I'm like a bridge to fuel because like I do what they do, but I'm not as savage as they are. You do it. You are definitely more than a bridge. But yeah. But you know what I'm saying? I want to let everybody know that like I feel all those same feelings that you feel, too. Yeah.

Even though I work out, one of the things that Goggin said to me, and he goes, don't think I don't want to procrastinate. He goes, sometimes I see my shoes, them running shoes, I stare at those motherfuckers for a half hour before I put them on. Same. And every time he says it, I'm like, I know, I know. He goes, but I always put them on. But I always put them on. But I always put them on. And even if I don't run, if I bike or something, as long as I do something, it feels a thousand times better.

And I've noticed friends and even family members that I've told that to, now they do it. And luckily, they're not as far gone. There are some people that cannot just do that. They have to have- have medication. Kind of a mix of both sometimes. I mean, I have friends that are just cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Yeah, it's not an even game. Right? Yeah.

It's not an even game. Everybody doesn't go into this fucking game with the same chips. People have different degrees of mental, physical ailments. You know, all sorts of weird fucking autoimmune issues. They don't know why they have it. People have to adjust.

That's why, like, anybody tells you, like, eat what I eat. Bitch, you don't know what the fuck my body feels like. Everybody's body's different. You know, some people, they can't eat bread. They can't. They eat bread. They get all this inflammation. They have all these problems.

And some people, you know, like, what's healthiest for them is no meat. No meat at all. Just eat fruit and vegetables. They feel better. You got to find out what the fuck feels better for you. Right. And anybody who tells you that you're the same as me, that's crazy. A hundred percent.

That's crazy talk. We're all like, the human species is so weird because there's so many of us. Too many of us. Too many of us. But the thing is, things that are biological, they adjust and adapt to their environments. It's the whole reason why white people exist. Wait a minute. Africans made their way. Because we all came from Africa.

The reality of race is we're all the human race that is adapted to different climates. And when people went to places like Scotland, they were like, Jesus Christ, there's no fucking sun here. And so all these people developed this pale-ass skin to deal with the fact there's no fucking sun.

But they're the same thing. If they went to Africa, eventually, if human beings over the next hundreds of thousands of years went back to Africa, they'd all turn black again because the body would adjust. Yes. You should go. I don't know if I can because my skin is so fair. It's not going to help you.

It's going to help your great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren. Well, whoever did it and fucked it up for me, I can't even go in the sun. Yeah, but they can't go to Scotland. Like they don't make enough vitamin. That's the thing. It's like vitamin D is made by the sun. Like it's a weird thing. Vitamin D, we think of like vitamin C, which you get from oranges, but it's not really

a vitamin. It's actually a hormone. Vitamin D is a hormone and you only make it through the sun there's like small amounts of it in certain foods yeah to get it in any like real significant the best way you either get it from the sun or you get it from supplements but it's really a hormone but the thing is the reason why people are white is because they move to a place there's's no fucking sun. Oh, I thought it was because they were racist. No. Oh. Sorry.

No, I'm just kidding. If your family moved back to Africa, eventually you'd all be black. I love that. It would take a while. I might tell them that and they might do it.

Did you ever see, I know this is old school, but like you brought up Archie Bunker and there was this, Sammy Davis was on it, Sammy Davis Jr. I do remember that. So good.

And, and he goes, and he's trying to explain this. Why I love like shows from the seventies. Cause they really spoke on race on every aspect. Everybody has racism, every walk of life, but it was also fun.

It was fun. And so Archie's sitting there and he's saying, I look at the, look what God did there. He put all the white people over in the white areas and all the black people over there in Africa. And then he got and Sammy just looks at him real slow. He goes, well, somebody must have told him where we were because somebody came and got us. And I was like, it's so brilliant, Norman Lear. So brilliant. Brilliant. And if you watch TV Land, they play all that stuff.

And you can check those out. I mean, I watched growing up the Jeffersons, the reruns, all that shit. What's Happening. I grew up watching Sanford and Son. Sanford and Son? And Chico and the Man. That one I don't remember too much. My grandfather was a huge Fred Sanford and Sons. Sanford and Sons? And Chico and the Man. That one I don't remember too much, but my grandfather was a huge Fred Sanford fan.

He thought Fred Sanford was hilarious. Definitely. So Sanford and Sons was the show. I loved it. If I was over my grandpa's house when I was a little kid, I would watch Yankees baseball games and Sanford and Sons. That was his shit. He loved the... I mean, it was like really the earliest days i was

exposed to that kind of like uh you know outrageous humor like fred sanford and i didn't like where lamont was like what oh lamont was like lamont your voice a reason he's always like what and then fred sanford you know i mean come on man red fox who was it that he would fight with the aunt as a cousin or something? Oh, she was so funny. Who was that? She was amazing. And he was like, they need your face to make gorilla cookies.

Like, Jesus Christ. Who was that? Who was that? I can't think of her name. I can't remember. But I haven't seen that one in a while. But every once in a while, I'll see clips or see a rerun of All in the Family. People don't understand how fun that was.

It was so good. Because people weren't that sensitive. Like, if he made fun of white people, it was funny to white people. And everybody was included. Yes. Everybody was included. Yes. Well, the same with Pryor.

Yes. Yes. I mean, Pryor, when he would, like, you know, oh, fuck your mother. And be like, oh, my mom's a great old gal. Remember that bit? You can't fuck with white people make fun of them

it would make everybody laugh make everybody laugh he was so brilliant my mom's a great old gal he goes you can't be having fights with white people one of my greatest moments was Richard Pryor

at the comedy store and he was doing he was doing he said he was gonna do Store. And he was doing, he said he was going to do a whole year. He was going to do Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. And then it turned just down to Wednesday. That was when he was really sick, right? He was pretty sick. In the beginning, he was coming in.

He was going on stage by himself. But then he got to the point where Chewy would have to carry him to the stage and put him on stage. Chewy and Madeline's husband. Oh, David. David. Marilyn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. David would always help too.

Yeah, he was great. Marilyn Martinez. Marilyn Martinez, our favorite, my favorite. I don't know. She was awesome. She was the fucking best. She was such a great person. So fucking great.

She was hilarious too. She used to do sex, calling like jerk off lines. That's my pussy. Yeah. Hear how wet it is? If guys would call up to sex lines to beat off that's how sad people were in the 80s she said she would go that's my pussy it's all wet but really i spelt

coke on my cat she was the best but anyway so richard was doing just wednesdays and david would help david so he was in um the back and he he grabbed me and I was like okay you know because I would get nervous to talk to him of course just Richard fucking Pryor and he was so sweet and Jennifer and I were close too so he said hey bring me a toonie which was a martini and I was like okay so I went to the back I got him a teeny and Jennifer came in and she goes, no, no, make it water. And I go, OK, you want me to give Richard Pryor water? He's not going to know the difference. And she goes, just trust me, his meds. It's not good. He shouldn't drink. So I go, fine. And I give him what looks like a martini, but it's water. And I give it to him. a martini but it's water and i give it to him chewy brings him up on stage he's on stage i'm serving drinks i'm squatted down because you know mitzi you couldn't be tall because if you got in the way of the show she would fire you right so i was squatted i'm big drink he goes see that waitress right there and i was just like me and i turned as i'm like putting a drink down and he goes, she gave me water, bitch. I was like, oh my God.

Richard Pryor just called me a bitch. I could die happy. Oh my God, that's hilarious. But I was like, oh my God. Are you supposed to listen to the wife? I did. Who do you listen to? That's a tough one because-

If he's that far gone- If he's that far gone, hold on. If he's that far gone, they're letting him on stage. That's on the club. If he's not that far gone and he can ask for his own drink, give him a fucking drink. You're not supposed to listen to the wife. I'm on your side with that. It's not debatable.

Because Jen came to the back and she said he's on meds. And maybe in her head she thought these meds were gonna reverse something you never know so it's hope and was she there when the alcohol got poured when i went to the kitchen yeah she followed me to the kitchen they shouldn't have brought her back in the kitchen oh it's just jennifer pryor she's there all the time. So Mr. Pete made a water drink. I felt bad. You lied to one of the no, the goat. The goat. The goat. Yeah. No, the goat. Let me drink again. This is for Richard.

This is for Richard. I'm so sorry, Richard. The thing about Pryor is all goats have to be judged back to the OGs. So there's two there's three, but there's two undebatable OGs. And that's Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor. And George Carlin factors in there as well.

In there, yeah. He factors in there. But Lenny Bruce was the first guy to do it. He was the first guy to step outside the joke joke thing yep and go hey why do we look at race this way why why do we look at religion this way like why do we look at drugs this way why do we look at music this way why do we look at life this way why why do we look at sex this way and people are like jesus christ he was so high he was like well he wasn't just but it was a good high is that bad like i think his mind was open but it was it was a lot of things it was a good high. Is that bad? No, it wasn't. His mind was open. It was a lot of things.

It was definitely experimenting with drugs. But it was also courage. True. He was one of the first guys that had the courage to question the way we looked at things and talk about it in a way that was funny to people. Yeah. But then Richard took it to a whole new level. What Richard did is he took that sort of honesty

that Lenny Bruce had, and he applied it also to his own pain and suffering. Yeah. And then he was super honest about it while he dealt with... Richard Pryor grew up in a brothel. 100%. In Peoria, Illinois.

He lived a wild life From the time he was born And you know When he would talk about Working in mafia clubs That Mudbone character Yeah When he would talk about Working in mafia clubs

And he didn't want to pay him Yeah I experienced that Of course Those are real clubs Those are real people To hear that from a guy Like Richard Pryor

It's like That was That was a completely new thing Completely new thing I mean that was that was a completely new thing completely new thing i mean it was he was so he would paint such a broad picture but for me like i didn't grow up in a brothel but i was intercity like hood radish so i connected immediately to that kind of humor you know and he um i just thought the way he would go on stage and do these characters and paint them, they were so filthy and raw-ish to an extent.

Did you see Omit Logic, his special? I mean his, yeah, it's like a documentary about him. I did not. It's called Omit Logic. When did that come out? It's been out for a while. They filmed a lot of it at the comedy store. Really?

But if you look at um there's a guy in there named david banks who's like my favorite i don't know if you know david banks he's a og og he was a producer and he would write stuff with mooney and uh prior if you watch the uh roast of richard prior you'll see david banks and paul mooney david banks by far the funniest guy but he came up with the name because he's like if you want to listen to richard pryor you gotta omit logic and then you can understand this motherfucker wow what a great fucking descriptive yeah he david banks came up with that he and there he is that's my man omit logic i have two messages omit the logic omit the logic for yep omit the logic okay well the most important thing is we have to realize as comics that this art form is it's less than 100

years old legitimately like it existed with mark twain arguably and with people before him and there was always people that like stood in front of large groups of people and and and used humor as a tool to get them to listen to things and then they would entertain them with humor and they would say things that were absurd everybody would laugh and they would know but if you just go back to the Lenny Bruce comedy the thing about it is it's not going to be that funny there's going to be a few things that might be really funny well you see it's like similar it's like what we're dealing with today it's it's amazing it's timeless to an extent the world was so infantile right they were in comparatively yes people had no understanding right in terms of like they the way they understood human nature was different the way they understood the world economy was different, the way they understood capitalism, everything was different.

People had an infantile almost perception. A lot of people today still do, but if you looked at back then, it was like a giant percentage of the population was like really innocent in a way. Not that they were incapable of violence and theft and all. Of course they were. But they were innocent in their understanding. And Lenny Bruce came along and he was the first guy to sort of illuminate ideas with humor. Yeah.

And then there was Richard. And then after Richard, my argument is the next guy was Sam Kinison. I like that. Because Sam Kinison was the first guy who did it with anger and pain. He would go, you see this face? Oh! Oh! I was married twice! You know, when he would do that. It really was a lot of pain,

obviously. I mean, he partied, yes, but when you watch him, you're like, God damn, you could feel that pain. You could feel it. That was 100% real. So he was the next guy. And he would get real soft. Oh, it was the best. And then he'd build it up. Sometimes Andrew and I would watch it.

It was on the road and stuff, just laughing at some of the great shit. I know Andrew and him had beefs. They had so much beef that there was a sign that they fixed at the comedy store that they should have never fixed. And it was a bullet hole. In the back of the comedy store, there was this back parking lot area, and there was a sign. And Kinnison shot. The belly room sign.

Yeah. Kinnison shot a fucking, the belly room sign was out in the wall, right? But isn't it, it doesn't say the belly room or maybe it does say the comedy store.

I think it does say the belly room headline or something. So it's a sign. It's a big lit up sign and Kinnison shot a fucking bullet through it. It was a 38-spec revolver. I've heard like 10 stories so I don't know if it's real no no that's real i talked to mitzi oh i know that's real that's a

real story even told me it was something different but i believe it it's a fucking bullet that he was like sam was notorious for like waving a gun and it went off. So it wasn't like act anybody. Let's not kill my story with this fucking I love you. I love you. You're right. You're right.

No, what I'm saying is Why you gotta get specific? I'm not because I'm saying this like they would fight Andrew and him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it wasn't like a gun battle between them.

He shot a hole in the side. Can we leave it at that? But he didn't shoot it. Why are you fucking up this great story? Because the way you said it made me nervous that he was like shooting it

because he was mad at Andrew. He's dead! You're right. Alright, say it again. Maybe he'll come back. He shot a fucking hole in the story. He shot a hole in the story is true. I shot a hole in the story. But my thing is this. It's like Sam

and Andrew lived together in Crest Hill. These are his stories to tell so he'll tell them to you and they're so fucking amazing. No, I've talked to Dice about it. But they were in Crest Hill. These are his stories to tell, so he'll tell them to you, and they're so fucking amazing. No, I've talked to Dice about it. But they were in Crest Hill together, which is amazing, and they were so close, but the fame fucks people up. Here's what happened.

Nobody understands it. I always feel bad. Here's what happened. They thought there could be only one. A hundred percent. That's what's dumb. It's like you think that if Dice explodes, he takes your spot. No, that's your brother. You should be happy. Let's what's dumb. It's like you think that if Dice explodes, he takes your spot. No, that's your brother.

You should be happy. Let's bring him along. But back then they didn't know any better because everybody was struggling to get on The Tonight Show and they were struggling to get on a sitcom. They were struggling to get in a movie. So there was this famine thinking. They really did isolate each other. It was crazy.

It was famine thinking. Yeah. It was famine thinking. They thought there was only a certain amount of spots and everybody was competing for them. One of the things that happened that changed comedy, and you must have seen it around 2014-ish, people realized that, oh my God, the best thing that ever happened to me was other comics and the internet. And all these comics like Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and Ari Shaffir, like all these

guys got bigger because of the internet. Yes. Everybody, Duncan. Because you guys were all working together. We were all working together in harmony and as friends. And it was like, if I say, supporting one another.

Go see Duncan Trostle. He's fucking brilliant. People would go and it doesn't help. The only thing that helps me is that, you know, I'm going to tell you the truth. Like if you go see him and he's amazing, you go,

Oh, I can trust Joe. He's going to tell me if someone's funny. He's going to tell me the truth. If I tell you, go see Joey Diaz. Like, you know, people that have seen Joey trust Joe. He's going to tell me if someone's funny. He's going to tell me the truth. If I tell you, go see Joey Diaz. Like, you know. I'm going to know that he's not funny. People that have seen Joey Diaz on my recommendation, they just can't rave enough.

Once you see him, you go, exactly. See, this is what I'm trying to tell people. I've gotten to open for him in Philadelphia. Phenomenal. He's a monster. He's the best. He's a monster. But it's like we understand that

there's there's not that many of us and it's better to be together in the Kinison and Dice days they didn't get that they really did isolate one another and it's crazy that they did it like that because they could have been so big all together right if that makes sense because there is that camaraderie that you need like you you guys have, like honestly, Bert, Tom, there's so many have grown even off them. Yes, for sure. Like even under, under, under coming up, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I did Ryan Sickler's Honeydew podcast. Yeah, Ryan Sickler. Oh my God, it's so much fun. And guys coming up like Brian Simpson. You've seen Brian? Brian Simpson is brilliant. God damn, he's good. And I cannot wait for his Netflix thing.

He's so good. He's doing the stand-ups on Netflix, so you have to go. I found out about him from Tommy. Tommy told me how good he was. Wow. He's so good. He's doing the stand-ups on Netflix, so you have to go. I found out about him from Tommy. Tommy told me how good he was. Wow. He's like, you got to talk to this dude.

I'm like, really? Our Tommy? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, Tom Segura. Oh. No, not that guy. No, Tommy Bunz. Oh, Tom Segura?

Yeah. I would never call him Tommy. I don't know why. I call him Tommy Bunz. Do you? He's Tommy Bunz, yeah. Tommy Bunz. You should call him Bunz.

Yeah, you need to get on the right text message thread. This is one that appeared on our text message thread. Tommy Bunz. Let's send you something. Is that because of his hiney? No, it's like some old school shit. Tommy Bunz is like some old school shit. Oh, okay.

But this is- No, I love Tom Segura. Christina, one of my favorite people on the planet christina lit christina fucking vulcan uh gas company i heard fire the other day on fire i heard i'm telling you she was the roars were so big people opened up the door to the green room like what the fuck is going on oh my god i'm telling you christina poziski is one of the best comics alive i'm i'm feeling it she's one'm feeling it I've been saying it for a long time this is the kind of shit that's in our text thread

okay me in Afghanistan trying to get some free guns without getting caught and it's that scene from Team America World Police where the actor pretends to be Arab but it's so obviously fake is that blackface? that's not good

oh it's a doll they haven't invented a name for blackface that's not oh it's a doll they haven't invented a name yeah yeah that's funny dolls yet oh yeah how could they do that but we're all friends and that's the difference no and it's generation there's a few i call them islands there's a few comics that are still out there doing it the old way and they don't have comic friends and they're all mean yeah they are and they stink they're not good some of them are good some of them are pretty good but they're friends and they're all mean. Yeah, they are. And they stink. They're not good. Some of them are good. Some are pretty good, but they're angry. You know, and the reason why they're angry is there's this guy that I talked to on Instagram.

He's like a philosopher and I've been friends with him for years in a weird way. I wonder if we're friends. Oh, probably not. I don't think so. One of the things you said that the problem with having a lot of friends that are close together like you guys and your comic friends are is it creates this this perception of a walled garden where other people feel like they can't get in and it makes them angry oh clicky click click click click but because in most cases people that are in those positions will protect those positions and they

don't want other people to come in because they feel like there's not enough room. Yeah, or like, it's only us. But the difference in comics today, particularly our group of comics, is no one thinks like that.

Everyone wants you to know about anybody that's good because there's not that many. A hundred percent. Like, look at Tiffany Haddish. She got there. She boasts about comics. She put Ida Rodriguez

on her thing. Now Ida has a show. She's a hundredriguez on her thing now ida has a show like she's 100 legit things are fucking happening but it's like you they're all just lifting each other up and helping each other you really doesn't really have a position on the internet like she doesn't have a big podcast or you know but she still she'll do anything i'm putting you on this i'm putting you on this she's phenomenal and that's how it should be like, because, you know, you all work together. We all know each other's work so well. And we like who we like.

Yes, of course, there's going to be clicks in that. But that doesn't mean we wouldn't help somebody else. It's also, do you love the art form? Well, if you love the art form, find people that are good and pump them up. Yeah. Because you want other people to enjoy comedy like i got into comedy because i was a fan of comedy right and i'm sure you did too you got into comedy because you're a fan of comedy well maybe everything else failed but

that's okay but no because i i think about like mitzi in the beginning when she would do monday night players which the comics hated fucking doing. But it was Monday Night Players was improv groups that she would put, you know, you had to be in a, when she passed you, she put you in an improv group. She was trying to do sitcoms for a while. Oh my God. She has so many sitcoms. Meter Maids was so funny. You know what's funny mitzi's like a uh she she would have

been amazing like wrestler like a vince mcmahon yes because she would do these fucking theme shows because she wanted to sell shows off of dominic's pizzeria remember dom i really didn't they do a pilot for some shit yes him. Him and Dice did Bugsy together. We have all these at the store. She filmed them. She was ahead of her time, but at the same time, it just wasn't working. Well, you know what it was? It's like there wasn't the same amount of avenues back then. So she recognized the TV show avenues and the movie avenues.

She's like, I'm going to find something that fits in there. Right. But then when those things weren't working, she would have theme nights. So I don't know if you remember this. We had Night of a Thousand Guidos. Yes, I remember. It was like wheels. It's fun to be a Jew.

Mike Marino. Yeah. And she asked me to do it. And I'm like, I can't. The Arabian Nights. Yes, I remember that. Arabian Nights was was hilarious she's like we're getting they became the axis of evil yes they were good we were getting bomb threats at

the store getting bomb threats for the arabian knights oh my god it was so good but she didn't care she did not care she wanted me to do those italian shows i'm like mitzi come on yeah she really did want to i'm like i can't be in a show where i it was like it was the only show so i'm like mitzi come on yeah she really did want to i'm like i can't be in a show where i it was like it was the only show that i ever said no to i'm like i can't be on an all italian show because i'm italian she would make me put those fucking checkered uh tablecloths in the main room on every fucking table there was an all irish show that i did i think i only did it because fitzsimmons asked me to do it where was that potato I feel like that was at the store too no there was never an all-hour show she never really gave us one because it would have been like Mulrooney it was something it's hard to say

wasn't there those kind of shows whenever there was those kind of shows about what he roasted me I loved it it was so good I love Fitzsimm. I don't know what to tell you unless you want to clue us in on what he said. Well, he wanted to know why I'm such a bad actress that I'm not in Mayor of Easttown. And I think he's right. What's Mayor of Easttown? Oh, Joe. It's a show on HBO with Kate Winslet. Listen, why are you mad?

No, you're right. I can only pay attention to so many fucking things. You're right. You have a real life. I have a kid who's into anime. I've been watching Demon Slayer lately. My 11-year-old's hilarious. She's into anime.

She loves anime? Anime's pretty cool, though. She loves Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia. I'm like, what are you watching? Demon Slayer is wild shit. Have you seen that? No, but my niece is into bizarre shit like that. It's about a fucking demon that slaughtered this dude's family.

And then this dude has to fight off demons. Yeah, my Alexa would like that. Yeah, that's the demon slayer. That's the dude with the earrings. Oh, wow. That guy. That's the demon slayer. This is way better than Mare of Easttown.

I wonder if I can get a part in this. She makes me watch this shit with her. I'm like, what is going on with you? You're a fucking psycho. Because there's so much blood and swords and you're cutting demons heads off they're still alive she's probably into the art like my niece is into that kind of stuff like she lives for halloween right and she'll like my sister karen will make these um lady gaga um outfits and then alexa will put blood all over them. Jesus Christ. What the fuck? She's like, you're going to be Lady Gaga for Halloween.

Yeah, as a demon. She loves it. She's a dancer right now in that Legends show in Atlantic City. So it's a cool thing. She gets all these costumes and now she's got all these fucking crazy ideas. She's like, then I'm going to cut the head off. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm like, oh my God.

Yeah, I was like that with Barbie dolls. I would cut the head off and i'm gonna be like oh my god like yeah i was like that with barbie dolls i would cut their heads off color them in red nothing all right could have been the depression yeah you grew up with too many brothers and you know it's true yeah and my mom had a my mom had to get a real job because typewriters didn't pay the bills ever and so she had a real job and typewriters didn't pay the bills ever. And so she had a real job. And she did. She worked her ass off.

She worked for the Phillies and the Eagles, too, as a beer girl. So she had two jobs. I feel like typewriters are the new vinyl records. Is that right? Yeah. Should I call my dad? There's going to be a thing, like if a guy writes a book and he writes it on a typewriter, people are like, man.

I think Tom Hanks writes like that. Wow. He tried to buy a typewriter from my dad. My dad turned him down. Yeah. He's like, I'm not a big Forrest Gump fan. Fuck Private Ryan. He reacted to Forrest Gump like you did of Mayor of Easttown.

He was like, Forrest Gump? What's that? Fuck that guy. You can't have a typewriter. Your dad's trying to starve himself to death. Not only does he sell typewriters. He's isolated. He's on an island by himself. Not only does he sell typewriters,

he denies people the ability to buy his typewriters. It's the dumbest fucking thing of all time. It's like I'm selling coal, but I won't sell it to everybody. It's like a really old one. It's worth a lot of money. How much do you think a Hunter S. Thompson typewriter is worth? Probably like $15 to $20.

No, I'm kidding. No. No, no. I really don't know. A typewriter that Hunter S. Thompson wrote on. Hunter S. Thompson. Wild. That would be.

I got to think that's a $100,000 typewriter. You think it would come up? $100,000, that's it? At least. I mean, he probably wrote on100,000 typewriter. You think it would come up? $100,000, that's it? At least. I mean, he probably wrote on a bunch of typewriters. Yeah, you're probably right. Right? You find like a laptop that Chris Rock wrote on.

How much is that worth? Ah. Would you need the whole laptop or just the- Even if it's dead, if it never works again. If you can give me a laptop that Chris Rock wrote on, that's a valuable thing. You're like, okay, he wrote Bring the Pain on this. Right you can give me a laptop that Chris Rock wrote on, that's a valuable thing. You're like, okay, he will bring the pain on this.

Right, if you're a comedy fan and you realize this guy typed out his ideas, he actually touched this actual physical object that you get to own, you wouldn't even want to turn it on.

Have you seen, I know you don't watch a lot of- You feel me? I'm feeling you. Are you too drunk to understand what I'm saying? I didn't even finish this. Do you have any Coke? I do Coke like a person. I'm kidding. Can you imagine somebody drunk to understand what I'm saying? I didn't even finish this. Do you have any Coke?

I do Coke like a person. I'm kidding. Can you imagine if somebody comes in and they're just like. If you just had Coke laying around. Just like, oh yeah, we have an eight ball. We have this. You want me to drink CBD? We have Adderall.

You want Adderall? That's not funny. People tell me I have to get on that. Look how excited I got. They tell you you have to get on it? Who are these people? Imagine someone telling you you got to become a vampire. You have to become a vampire so you're not a vampire just get bit because i was complaining about why don't you get bit during the the pandemic i couldn't focus and i was trying

to write i'm trying to write the script about my mom i have two scripts that i'm half in how about that and they're like you need adderall adder get you to finish. But then you ever read somebody's script that wrote it on Adderall? You hang around with a bunch of fucking Adderall addicts. They're Adderall addicts. I live in Los Angeles. Yeah. They're all on Adderall or something. There's a thing about people.

Like if they switch to Android. For some reason they need a substance to live in a beautiful area. People switch to Android, they want you to switch too. Okay. Bro, I'm telling you, the camera's way better. It's better. Would you take Adderall? What is it what is no but do you understand what i'm saying is it like it doesn't matter anything except for the vitamins you tell me to it doesn't matter what it is there's a thing that people do where if you are doing it you want other people to do it true i'm taking yoga i'm telling

you please come with me in this yoga class. It's amazing. I went to a new Reiki specialist. They've completely changed my energy fields. You haven't done Reiki? Please come with me. You've got to do Reiki. There's a thing that people do. I found Jesus. I want to take you with me. Hey, I've got to bow my head every time you say that. We are going

to join together and worship Jesus and you're going to feel better. I joined AAA. No, AA. Do you know I had a friend that- I joined AAA. I've never joined AA. Triple AAA.

I had a friend that took me to, she used to go to AA meetings, and then she was like, I need a meeting. I need a meeting. I go, okay. So we go to, she goes, will you come with me? Because misery loves company. So go to a meeting. I go, okay. So we go to, she goes, will you come with me? Because misery loves company. So go to a meeting, right? And we get there and it's a meeting for people who are addicted to meetings.

Is this a bit? Take that in. I swear to God. No, I never even said it on stage. It's my friend that she went to. And I looked at the first door. I go, what does this say? And she goes, yeah, it's a meeting because I'm addicted to going to meetings.

So I got to go to this meeting. And I go, you, it's a meeting because I'm addicted to going to meetings. So I got to go to this meeting. And I go, you're kidding, right? And I lived through this. This is the same girl, though, that got me to do a movie. This was one early, early 90s. This is a girl who got me to do a movie. Wait a minute. Wasn't the girl in Fight Club that same way? She was addicted to meetings.

Oh, really? Remember? Yeah, that's right. She would go and- That's how I met her. And then she just kept going. Oh, she would go to all the meetings. Do you remember Meatloaf?

The Meatloaf one when he came up and he hugged somebody, he's got a male boob in his face. Meatloaf was one of the first guys I met where I met only because of- You got to meet Meatloaf? There was a first celebrity guy who came up to me at a restaurant. Okay. Tuscany. That's pretty cool. In Westlake in California. to me at a restaurant. Okay. Tuscany. That's pretty cool. In Westlake in California.

It's an amazing restaurant. Okay. It's an incredible Italian place. I've been going there for 20 plus years. I got to check that. One day I'm sitting there and Meatloaf comes over to the table. And he literally says, hi, I'm Meatloaf. I go, dude, I know.

And he goes, I just want to tell you my family loves Fear Factor. I'm like, holy shit. Thank you. I'm like, real want to tell you, my family loves Fear Factor. I'm like, holy shit. Thank you. I'm like, real nice to meet you, man. He goes, that's it. Nice to meet you. I go, nice to meet you too. Meatloaf goes over and sits down.

I'm like, I just met fucking Meatloaf. So it's like that was the first guy. He did like the first rock opera or not opera, but like a Broadway production. You know, that whole, do you love me? That's like a Broadway show. That's like a. Meatloaf, first of all, was unprecedented. If you go back to the Meatloaf days.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. He was a fat guy with long hair that sang like an angel. So fucking amazing. And it was also, there was a thing in Meatloaf songs that was played out. He had this super hot singer that he was singing with. What was her name? Oh. The dark haired woman.

I was going to. She was so hot. Stoney? What is her name? Well, if you show her. Stoney is the guy who sells me weed. I'm just looking at his thing and it says Stoney. Meat Loaf and Stoney.

Meat Loaf and Stoney. Well, who was the girl? That could be his wife. Who was the girl in the. Maybe be his wife. Who was the girl in the- Maybe it was her. Maybe he didn't. Just look at who was the girl in Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

Okay. Paradise by the Dashboard Light's co-singer. Will you love me? Will you love me forever? Will you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away?

Will you make me your wife? I gotta know right now Before we go any further Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Baby, baby, let me sleep on it Baby, baby, let me sleep on it Let me sleep on it

I'll give you an answer in the morning I gotta know right now. Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away?

Will you make me your wife? I gotta know right now. Before we go any further. Do you love me? Will you love me forever? And you see this poor fat guy with his super hot woman. Let me sleep on you, baby.

Baby, baby. Yeah, it was so good. I couldn't take it any longer. I don't want you ever to swear to my God and I'm a mother's grave. I would love you till the end of time.

So good. I swore I would love you. He was basically the original So good. I swear I would love you. He was basically the original Sam Kinison. Oh my God. What year? What year was that? That's it. Sam took Meatloaf's act.

Now what? Listen, Sam took Meatloaf's act. That's not true. Yeah. That's what. That out of the whole 77. Joe, that's not true. Yeah. That's what happened. I'm not even high. And I'm praying for the end of time. So hurry up and arrive.

Right? There she is. So now I'm praying to the end. Give me some volume. See, I should have been a 70s kid. I could have worked that. Let Spotify work this out. That's it.

Listen to this. Fucked yeah. Let it play. Fuck the lawyers. Listen to this. This is magic. How dramatic. When I was in high school, this was gospel. No, you're never going to regret it. So open up your eyes.

We've got a big surprise. It'll feel all right. I want to make you monochrome. Look at him. Look how dramatic. He's so fat. He's a rock star. Why does that care?

Why does that care? They never look like that. They always look like David Lee Roth. He still has a great voice. But he's better. He's way better. It's better because he's better. He's way better. It's better because he's fat. Give me some volume.

Stop fat shaming. Look at him. It's better because he's fat. I'm telling you. Oh, yeah. And she's hot. The wind blowing his mullet. It's cold and lonely in the deep dark night.

Oh, look at her. It's amazing. Jamie, why do you look not interested? Listen to me. This is one of the most underappreciated things in all of music. Not to me. It's one of the greatest songs of all time. Not to me. I love it. She's hot and she can sing too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cameras were terrible back then. I know, but it's amazing because it's dramatic. It's theatrical. Does the song really change that quick right there? Yes. How great is that? Play it back. Transitions, please. Dude, it's an amazing... No, no, no, no. It's an opera.

The way it plays out. Listen. It's a conversation. Right. Do you know this song? This is like Trapped in the Closet. No, listen. Give me some volume. Joe's going back. Joe just transported. Baseball talk, right? Remember?

They start making out. It's getting hot and heavy. Yes. Music video days. They're making out on stage. They're making out on stage, Eleanor Kerrigan. I love this. Like legitimately making out on stage. They're making out on stage, Eleanor Kerrigan. I loved it. Like legitimately making out on stage.

They did it every night. It's part of the show. Would they play this if there was no MTV? Would they? No, where? Where? Where'd you see this? You're right. You're right. I don't know. They filmed it. I don't know either. MTV, I think. You're right. It's pre-MTV. God damn it.

It was silent movie theaters. That's the Brooklyn Dodgers, by the way. Oh, look, look. Did he get in? Did he score? Did he get the analogy? Did he score? Here we go.

Before we go. Forever do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? Will you make me your wife? I gotta know right now Before we go any further Till you love me Forever Let me sleep on it

Baby, baby, let me sleep on it It goes on forever Jamie said it so well. This is the queen days. This is the queen days. It's okay to take your time. Why is everything after three minutes? It's just repeating. It just repeats.

Let me sleep on it. Baby, baby, let me sleep on it. Jamie's playing golf in his fucking living room Where did we watch this? Where did we watch it? I gotta ask my brother It was probably the aliens hovered over the cities And beamed into our brains. I learned this from my older brother and sisters.

Was there a TV show, like American Bandstand that they played or something like that? Yeah, but I don't think with a video, definitely. No, let him answer. This is what's important. This is important. Because look at his face. Look how dramatic, Jamie. This is a Cause look at his face Look how dramatic Jamie This is a Broadway show

We all understand this Jamie This is We all understand this I can wait all night She can wait all night What's it gonna be boy Yes or no Oh my god

What's it gonna be boy Yes Or No I'm a sleepover He's trying I'm a sleepover He knows

He's fighting off demons. Look how mad she is. I got to know right now. Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you see me in the air? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you tell me you're with me? Will you make me feel happy? Do you know right now?

Before we go any further. Will you love me? Will you love me forever? Oh, yeah. It goes back and forth right, right. I was crazy when the feeling came upon me like a tidal wave. Started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave that I would love you till the end of time. I swore I would love you till the end of time. This is it. Uh-oh. So now I'm praying for the end of time to hurry up and ride.

Because if I gotta spend another minute with you, I don't think that I could really survive. Sam Kinison. I never break my promise, I forget my vows. But God only knows what I can do right now. I'm praying for the end of time, it's all that I can do. Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you. Meatloaf is the original Sam Kinison.

Wow. Wait, so this was high school. It was long ago and it was far away. And it was so much better than it is today. It was long ago and it was far away. And it was so much better than it is today. It is. He's also fat.

He's also got long hair. It's also hilarious. It's hysterical. Hilarious. it takes you on a crazy ride his level yeah look how hot she is she's so hot and the baseball analogy is amazing just sings his voice is so good yeah the thing that is so hard because it's like it's so thematic and there's so much going on and it's so fun. But when Meatloaf hits these pitches, Meatloaf in his prime was fucking amazing. Did you ever see Rocky Horror Picture Show? Playing for the end of time.

It's all that I can do. Do. Do. When he's doing it, you're like, yes. That's what it was for. Rocky Horror Picture Show? It played, yeah, 35 millimeter prints of that played. That's where I saw it then.

During midnight screenings of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Wow. Because my brother Tommy and my sister Kathleen took me on South Street to see it. And I was young. Did you ever see a Rocky Horror Picture Show live? That's what I'm saying, yeah. Live at a theater. Oh, you went to one of those?

Yeah, but they were, yeah. And they would get on stage and act out. Yeah, the people would act it out? Yep. I went to one of those uh yeah but they were yeah and they would get on stage and act out yep i went to one of those on south street philadelphia we did it i was young too and i was like what the fuck are they doing like i was you know listening to run dmc going i don't understand this well it was a weird thing right it was like all of a sudden out of nowhere one movie had got people so enthusiastic about it. They'd dress up like people. Let's do the time warp again. It's just a step to the right. People would dance to it and it made the movie better.

Yeah. It was like a movie you could see over and over and over and over again. What's his name? A legend. Is it Tim Curry? Is that right? Yeah. Is that right?

It made him a legend. A legend. I mean, he was like- Yeah, he was a legend. Is it Tim Curry? Is that right? Yeah. It made him a legend.

I mean, he was like. Yeah, he was a legend. And then there was Susan Sarandon was the girl in it, the young girl who gets lost. Yeah. It was. Oh, it's such a fucking great movie. It's a thing where it's almost like a Che Guevara t-shirt. It's like, it's so iconic.

Right, right. People pretend to like it, even if they don't understand it. I didn't understand it. And then I watched it years later, and I was like, it's more fun to watch people dance with it. A transvestite from Transylvania? What the fuck? It was an amazing movie. I'm just a... Yeah, it was amazing.

It was an amazing movie. But it was also, it was like, again, let's go back to like beginning of electricity. Right. Late 1800s. What is this movie? 75. 75. Okay.

Star Wars. You left like less than 100 years. I've never seen Star Wars, but I've seen this. Imagine less than 100 years after they invent electricity. Okay. You have the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's like people expressing themselves in this way. This is how I really feel.

I think your bow ties are bullshit. I want to dress. I want to wear giant Frankenstein boots and crazy makeup. And not only am I right, but people are going to come see this over and over forever and they're going to sing along to it. And when Susan Sarandon and her husband, I forget his name, show up, they

are those people. See them right there? That young couple? Yeah. I mean, look how nerdy they look. And that's what answers the door. Because their car broke down in the rain. You know, he became, he was It once for Stephen King's movie It.

He was the It. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm afraid to watch those. Have you ever seen the original TV one? Which it was, it wasn't as scary as the, yeah, that's Tim Curry as

Pennywise in the 1990. Yeah, I would never watch that. And it's a good example, but it's not. I like him over there. I know, but that one, the TV 1990 It is not that scary. Any of him over there. I know, but that one, the TV, 1990, it is not that scary. Any of them are scary. My mom used to read the book and she'd have it.

It was like this thick. And we would always tease her like, did you finish it yet? Like, what is that about? Like, we didn't understand it. And then the movie came out and we were like, yeah, we're not watching that. I used to have to take the tea from my house to Boston. I lived in Newton, and I'd take it to Boston when I was a teenager. Okay.

What do you mean the tea? The tea. It was like the Boston version of the transit system. Oh, the tea. Jesus, Joe. That's what they call it. I drink iced tea. I'm literally like, the Boston Tea Party?

Where are we going? Sorry. I thought like- Okay, I'm sorry. We have the L. So I would read a, I'm sorry. We have the L. So I would read a lot of Stephen King books. And I read like basically every Stephen King book from like Lawnmower Man, like some of the short stories, all the Richard Bachman books.

I read all of them. But it was one of the weirdest ones. It's a weird- Yeah. And it's giant. It's like, what is going on. It's a weird. Yeah, and it's giant. It's like, what is going on? It's a weapon for you on the team. What's going on in your head, man?

Wow. What's going on in your head that you're inventing this fucking clown that eats kids? Yeah, if you look into that, would that, I don't know, that's scary. Stephen King had so many books like that. Didn't he have a lot of trauma around him? For sure. Well, you know, he grew up in Maine. It's hard living up there, okay?

And he grew up poor, you know? He didn't have any money. I read Stephen King on writing. It's an amazing book because it tells you not just how he writes and what he thinks about writing, amazing book because it tells you not just how he writes and what he thinks about writing, but also it tells you about like sort of the history of his career and how difficult it was. And when he sold, I think it was Carrie. It's been a while since I read the book, but I think Carrie was like the first big sale that he had. I think it was. And all of a sudden he was wealthy and in the fact that they were trying to

like look at the numbers and they thought the numbers were wrong on the first check they got like what is happening oh wow yeah it's a crazy story because you know he was struggling he was teaching and he was writing these books and that's how writers do. They struggle like that. But then you strike gold like he did. Carrie was great. Dirty pillows. So funny. Did you ever. When she went to the prom and her boobs were out. Why do you have your dirty pillows out?

Dirty pillows. The fuck. That's one of those things that it's almost better if you just read it. I used to think that was a stupid idea. Yeah. But there's a way that he describes things in the book So it's open to the imagination My mom says the same thing

She's like oh this whole scene lacks because blah blah And I'm like whatever lady I'm not reading It's like if someone could capture it all visually That's better right But can they capture it visually The way that we I don't know

I think it's There's certain things's like, the way a writer writes, like a guy like Stephen King, like, you feel the, you have access to the thoughts that these characters have. Right. You have access to everything. You have access to not just like their actions and how it plays out and you can't even actually see it. So you have to imagine it which sort of stimulates your imagination. But you're also

getting access to their very thoughts. There's weird parts of writing that like are almost more descriptive than seeing it. Because when you're seeing it and hearing it, it's like it's pretty cool, right? You watch a great movie with great effects and shit and you're seeing it and hearing it. It's cool. cool but when you're reading it there's a weird thing that's

happening where you're you have to fill in the blank and it stimulates your mind in a different way and Stephen King was the master of that yeah and it's like when if you read his shit and then you watch his movies you're like the movies are like he made some goddamn amazing movies no doubt about it like carrie freaked me out to me carrie was detailed enough but if i was reading the book i probably would never sleep i think that was a movie that was a book rather he doesn't remember writing oh pretty sure was he on adderall no he was sorry he was coked up and he was doing he was drinking like crazy i think that was one of the ones. I think it was Carrie and maybe Christine.

Oh, Christine's great. Oh, maybe it was Cujo. Maybe the C word. It's a C word. I think it was Cujo. He got stuck on C. I think I got stuck on a C. But there's so many good books, man.

But I think it was Cujo. I think Cujo, he wrote when he was so high and so fucked up he literally just doesn't remember writing it it is funny just to get stuck on a letter i don't know why listen i'm not a fucking i'm not the person what can we call this what can we call the dog here it is stephen king discusses kujo in on writing referring to as a novel he barely remembers writing at all that's it there it is king wrote the book during the height of a struggle with alcohol addiction or killing it all right he goes on to say he likes the movie and wishes he could remember enjoying the good parts as he put them on the page wow it's a great book though that's amazing reading that book i think would be insanely crazy

because like even watching the movie, you get frustrated. You're like, do this, do that. The movie's not good. No, yeah. It's not good. It's not the best. But you're like, why didn't they just do this? Or why didn't they do this?

But maybe in the book, it had more tension or something. What I was going to say is the movie's not good at expressing the layers and layers of fear and recognition that this dog who was your lovable pet is now going to kill you. Yeah. It's too hard to do. It's too hard to do in a movie. It's too hard to do. It takes too much time. If you're reading a book, it's like, what's the average amount of time it takes to read a book like Cujo?

Like, how many pages is Cujo? I'm going to say, let me guess. 396 pages. No. 309. Really? Damn. Oh, maybe I'm.

I was off by a hundred. It's terrible. 25% off. I knew I was getting to the three and a nine. To be honest. 309. It wasn't that bad. I was thinking higher.

I was thinking like five. I don't know why, but I was thinking it was way higher. Well, then you get into like The Stand. Right, because I'm thinking of all those books on my mom's shelf. The Stand is really long. How long is The Stand? Have you ever read that? I've never finished that.

I'm not a big reader. I've read quite a bit of it, and then I bail. Yeah, I don't. 823. 823. Yeah, no way. That's what I'm saying. 53 in the uncut it, and then I bail. Yeah, I don't. 823. 823. Yeah, no way. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying the uncut version, so 300 more pages.

Holy shit. You know what got me into reading, though, like that style of book is The Hobbit. My mom or my stepdad, I can't remember which one, gave me The Hobbit in like the 70s. Okay. And I read that, and I was like, whoa, what a crazy book. And then there was a movie. There was like a hobbit animated movie that came out in like the late 70s it's like whack old school animation we can tell people were drawn it you can see their hands you're like why are we that's what got me into those kind of books though but i remember going through puberty my mom gave me little women and i

was like is there a movie i can't little women i think i did read little women there was like a three box set or something well when i was a kid when i was stuck on the train all the time headed into the city there's no phones you didn't have a phone so you had to read a book like there was no other options so it was like for me it was always like either stephen king shit or you know whatever whatever i could find that was interesting yeah if i was on a train i don't i don't know if i could focus enough to read a book too much shit going on too many people like my i've been on buses and stuff with my grandma my grandma where they got pickpocketed yeah Yeah. Like, I get nervous. I don't know why. I'm always like this.

Boston was relatively safe back then. It was relatively safe. Going from Newton, where I lived, I lived in Newton Upper Falls, so I'd have to walk about a mile or so to the train station. I'd get on a car, you know, a train to head into town, and it was like, you know, they were always, like, half-filled, and people were always pretty friendly.

And I was doing that from the time I was 14. I was going into town at 15. So you were going into town every day just to hang with friends or? No. Well, first it was usually for like baseball games and shit, going with friends, you know, we would go into town and then, cause it was like a thing to do when you feel lived in the suburbs. And then when I started doing Taekwondo, I would do it basically every day.

So until I bought a car, which I didn't get a car until I was like 17, 16, close to 17. I took the T into town every day. Right. I can remember taking the subway like to Center City from South Philly and there was always a fucking fight. Oh, yeah. Always a fucking fight. So I started walking. I would walk. I was like one hundred and twelve pounds because me and my friend Cindy would walk to and from work like all the way on. It was like four and a half miles every day. Well, there's things that happen in closed spaces where you're stuck with people.

Yeah. happen in closed spaces where you're stuck with people and everybody knows that no one can get out and there's like there's good things to it because you kind of like look at each other and go hey how you doing like hey how are you like you're assuring each other i'm a good guy i think you're probably a good guy too you see an old lady you get up from your seat and you're like man would you like to see right it's like everybody's trying to like there's a few of those on there the rest of them are just looking for who knows what well it's it's just you you're testing people that's the thing about these like enclosed spaces where there's no escape with no security it is assuming zero zero security assuming the people in this little capsule can keep it together as they're flying down this tunnel and you're reading a book. No way.

I'm like, I got eyes on every side. I remember like my mom telling a story about being on the platform of the subway and it was so, because it was like rainy or snowing or something. So everybody came down and they were on the platform and she was like on the edge and the train's coming and she's like right in front of the train.

She's like, I'm dead. If one person, one more person comes in, it's like a game. Or one person decides to push you. Yeah. Yeah. It's horrible. She was just like, okay. It's so dangerous because it happens all the time.

Yeah. If it would happen to my mom. By all the time, I mean like once a year, somebody pushes somebody on the tracks. Like how often? Let's find out. Because I remember it happening multiple times while I lived in New York. How many times do people get pushed on subway tracks per year? I did an early podcast.

Can you take a guess? I would say... Four a year. Oh, four. Okay. I was thinking two, three. I'm going under. I'm going under.

I'll just take unders a year four. I think there's a few where they're just like... Wait. Four per year? Yeah. Reported or a day? No, per year. That's way higher than that. Oh shit, is it? How many people get thrown on the tracks per year?

Yeah. Oh my god. We're both too nice. We're too nice. In one city or... Oh my god. Okay, let's just go with New York. Yeah, New York because... Yeah, the one I'm reading for New York says, and this is an article from November 2020,

so it says subway ridership is down, but incidents of people on tracks paced to top last year. 720 instances of a person on the roadbed. I mean, that doesn't mean they all got shoved on. But that means suicide. That means, I thought you were saying actual push. 781 cases in all of 2019. Yeah, but we don't know how many of them are suicide yeah the suicide

i would say is a mistake well that's suicides would be people doing on purpose so you wouldn't get the report right i don't know you sure yeah because they're saying found on the track they're saying bodies found on the track but you know there's another thing that happens in new york city in particular is that there's like homeless villages under the uh i saw know, there's another thing that happens in New York City in particular. There's like homeless villages under the- Yep, I saw them. Yeah. There's homeless villages that live like in those tunnels underneath the- They had these-

There was a documentary about it. It was really interesting because they had figured out a way to steal electricity. And so these people had like this sort of makeshift sort of camp. They're doing it in LA too. Are they doing it? Where are they doing it? In the subway areas? I think it's Silver Lake-y.

Maybe I'm wrong about the area, but it's like this little underground thing where they're. So this is 180 collisions happened just during that year that I said there were 720 instances of people found on the roadbed. So 180 times they hit people. Oh my God. I've been taking the train from Philly to New York a lot the past couple months.

And so I've seen this underground where they may have wiped it out, but there was still like, looked like boarded up, like that homeless people were living in it. And I was like, oh shit. And we're going by so fast as we're coming in. You can in it. And I was like, oh, shit. And we're going by so fast as we're coming in.

You can see it. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Commuters are absorbing some of the impact of trespassers on the tracks. The MTA statistics show there were 845 train delays in October caused by trips onto the roadbed. That's frightening. Trips. onto the roadbed.

That's frightening. Trips. An average of 27 a day. 27 people a day trip and fall in front of a fucking train. When was the last time you've been on a subway? Does that mean 27 people a day die? No, no. Some of them get...

They stop, fall. You see the videos of them get saved right at the last second. Or you can pull them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How crazy is it? How crazy is it? Those were designed back before people realized how dangerous life was.

There's no way they would build that today. Like, hey, how do you want to do it? Do you want to have it so anybody could just push people onto the tracks? No. Hey, let's have a rail. It's too tempting. Let's put a rail. It's too fucking tempting for some folks.

Some folks would like to just push people onto the rail. I agree. And you know where they would go? They would go to where the tracks are. And they would wait. When no one was suspected. And just push someone and watch them go. That's real.

I'm not laughing at it. You are. You're a terrible person. I'm a horrible person. But I was saying like. But you're right. I took a subway eight in the morning in New York to do a podcast for my friends in hot water.

You know, Aaron Berg and Gino Bisconti. Is this the people you were complaining about earlier with the call sheet? subway eight in the morning in new york to do a podcast for my friends uh in hot water you know aaron berg and gino uh biscanti is this the people you're complaining about earlier with the call sheet no i love the you know no no they would can you imagine anthony koumi is fucking podcast giving you a call sheet imagine so they work for anthony yeah it's anthony's network so but i it was early so i got on the subway i've been on the subway at eight o'clock with the normal people in, I don't know, 100 years. So if it was jam packed, I mean, we were in there. My nose was on the glass as it shut. That's how many people were in there. And I was like, oh, my God. And then like one stop, some people get out. Few people get on. Few people get on. Thank God I only had three stops. But I was literally holding my breath.

This is right before the pandemic hit. And I was, you know, we could all, that's how we're getting contaminated. We're jumping into this tiny little tube, packing it in and going for a ride. I got felt up. I enjoyed it. It's so weird that everybody's like smushed on to everybody. It's frightening. You forget.

You forget that people do that every single day. And there's some perverts that make their way onto those things just to rub on people's legs. Of course. Just to rub on people's legs. Just rub it on people's legs. Is this a guy or a girl? Like, you just don't know. It's just so risky.

It's so like 1920s. But it is weird that we still do that. Yeah. It's real weird. But people love it. Some people loves. But it is weird that we still do that. Yeah. It's real weird. But people love it. Some people love it. And this is what I think they love. They love the idea just everybody like mixing together like bankers and bodega.

I've never been a morning commuter. Are you? Have you ever? Oh my God. Busy Chinese subway. Oh, this is when they jam the people into it, right? They push them in. It's crazy.

And this is just to get to work or go home. Hopefully this is to go home because they look excited. Bro, I don't know. Jesus Christ. Look at this is wild. I can't. I can't do it. I'm always been a night worker, if you will.

Like even cocktailings, nighttime. It's not normal to have this many people and I think this is a real problem with human beings I don't think people appreciate people when it gets to be these kind of numbers like there's no other animals that exist in these kind of numbers

could you imagine seeing this many rats sitting there silently waiting for instruction it's not possible right like people the only animals that are allowing this to happen where you get so many human beings together way too many the problem is you don't value them the way you value your immediate group of people right so if you value the three people you have in your life the most or the four or the five or the people you're

closest to okay you look at people a or the people that you're closest to. Okay. You look at people a certain way. But when you're trying to get to the subway and there's a sea of people in front of you and everybody's shoving into these little holes. Stop it. They're packing you in like that. You don't think about people the same way. And if one dies or one falls or one, you know, they disappear, you don't care. But if you're around people that you

love and care about what one dies it's horrible so it changes your baseline yeah of how you look at people because we're not designed to be in those kind of groups we're designed to be in these little like for most of human history we were in these little groups of like 150, 200 people. And then one day people build up walls. Yeah. Oh. That's a subway in Beijing. Stop it now. Considering biorecognition technologies to improve transport efficiency.

They look like cattle. That's what like roller coaster lines look like. Yes. This is my position. Hey, let's go for a ride. Look at this. just look at this image I think that when you get to certain numbers You realize that it's so insane

That people lose The way they feel About other people And I think if you're around small groups of people You think of people I think this is a normal natural thing Small groups of people, you think of people being very valuable. And you get to be overwhelmed by people like this.

You think of people being a detriment. Not all of them, but a lot of them. You think there's too many. And it's bad for the way you view people. It's like if you have- That's bad for the way I view China. That's bad for the way you- Like I wouldn't go there.

I'd be scared to go and that many if there was that many ducks ducks would start eating ducks right yeah any other animal that's like that any other animal that's like that jammed onto each other they're not going to keep it together it's just the mind of the human being that's allowing them to keep it together in such overwhelming numbers but i just don't think that's good for us i don't think that's good for us. I don't think it's good for anybody. I think one of the reasons why I think that is because, like, moving here and recognizing the difference in the way a city feels

when there's only a million people versus 20 million. Versus 20. It's a different feeling, Eleanor. Yeah. I got to be honest. When I came to Austin, because this is my first time in Austin. Well, last time I was here was my first time a couple days ago. We left and went to Dallas and then I came back.

But I thought, man, I didn't know what to expect. I thought it was just going to be some kind of like abandoned buildings maybe. I really didn't. The way they portray it, they need like better PR people. Why do you think it was just gonna be a band of buildings just i don't know and like homeless people running everywhere like they the way they talk about the homeless people in austin who's like just if you hear people on a podcast or you hear people just coming back from austin or like the the the homeless people are

crazy so i'm like okay most homeless people are crazy so leave them like you know that's normal but being on sixth street for like the past four nights no fucking problems yes there's homeless yes they're around they've done a good job recently of cleaning stuff up oh they've had like they had a couple of mass shootings but yeah that's not good yeah like recently oh recently yeah yeah within the last like six months because i'm seeing them sit around they're there but But yeah, that's not good. Yeah, like recently. Oh, recently. Yeah, yeah. Within the last like six months. Because I'm seeing them sit around. They're there, but they're outnumbered is what I'm saying. I thought it was just them.

Well, there was a defund the police thing going on here for a while. See, I thought they overran 6th Street and you couldn't go on there because they were on there. No. Does that make sense? It was never that bad. And people were, they were definitely reluctant to go down there because there were stories about people getting shot. And there were stories about like there was one like big mass shooting where like 11 people got shot. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. That wasn't that long ago. Oh, really? Okay. See, that I didn't hear about. This defund the police thing is so crazy. Because it's like attacking one little area of a problem and deciding that this one area, if you attack it, it's going to have no impact on all the other areas.

Right. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. Right, right, right. So if you think that like, oh, there are some corrupt cops and some mean cops and some vicious cops. And so what we're going to do

is we're going to give the cops less money to figure this out. And then what we're going to do is hope crime doesn't recognize there's not less cops and doesn't ramp way the fuck up, which of course it does. And then this all happens during a pandemic, which is the craziest fucking time to make

any real changes to a system because the system has to be sturdy to handle this new pressure of no one's working and everyone's scared to die of a fucking respiratory virus that's being coughed into their face and everyone's wearing a mask. It's a freak time, right? People are freaking out. Like to change anything during that time is ridiculous. But then they changed like the amount that they gave to cops. So now are you saying they're doing a better job because there's more people down there?

Like they had to have? There was so many problems. There were so many problems in terms of like lack of policing that they had to do something because they had a couple of instances maybe that's what i was seeing like they also got rid of they also got rid of all the you can't camp outside anymore right they they put people in actual hotels they've actually like oh bought hotels so you can't just camp out here but you can go to this hotel and do they have rules at the shelter? Because that's why homeless people always say they don't like the shelter because they're like, oh, I have to be in by 10.

It's like, well, what are you doing until after 10? It's a good point, though, right? It's like, should being in a shelter mean that you can't just be a person who likes to have a couple of drinks and stay out late until 2 o'clock in the morning? Should you have to stop doing that if you're going to be in a shelter? What are we requiring? Are we requiring – if you wanted to fund a shelter – Well, they lost their freedom because they're not paying for their freedom. Yeah, but they're also part of our community,

and we've got to recognize that their life is a mess. So wouldn't it be nice to just help these people where their life is a mess and get it to where their life isn't a mess anymore sure right that's the that's the whole idea of it you're right like in terms of like if they're going out drinking and stuff they're that's they'll get it together that's a luxury that's a luxury it is that people are afforded but if you're not working for that or i don't know trying to get to that in some way shape or form while you're in this process of what are you a hopra what is this you get a cadillac you get a cadillac reach under your seat um i know what you're saying but you know yeah it's hard it's look there's no real who knows knows the answer, obviously. The answer's different for every single person.

Exactly. That's the real problem. It's just like diet. It's just like everything else. The answer's different for every single person. Yeah. Every single person has some different answer as to what they should do for a job, what they should do for diet, what they should do for hobbies and recreation.

We're all different as fuck. And the problem is that when you do something, you want confirmation that you're doing the right thing and that other people should do what you're doing as well. That's why when people get into anything, they're annoying. I've been guilty of that. I've got to be honest. I love comedy.

I'm into comedy. But when people say, should I get into comedy? I say comedy I'm into comedy but when people say should I get into comedy I say no don't do it I don't I don't that's one thing I don't include people I will try to get people to watch Peaky Blinders because I'm an idiot but you watch Peaky Blinders

I love it why would you not want someone to try comedy just because I just you know what Eleanor you did it. I know, but somebody should have told me different. I remember when,

when you guys would be like, you should be doing standup. And I'm like, yeah, misery loves company. And no, I'm kidding. But I would always do that.

I would always say that to Freddie Soto. I would always, cause I would go do misery loves fucking company. You just want somebody on the road with you because you're fucking bored. Yeah. You know? And that was true. On the road, it was hard.

And it is still hard. Sometimes you're in a hotel room by yourself until you're afforded the luxury of bringing your friends. Yeah. Which is great. Changes everything. It really does. That's why Dice, I love going with him.

Because we do hang out. He does give me such freedoms of like just do as long as you want stay you know whatever right we're he just wants a good show he just wants to have fun we're doing one show he never usually does two shows a night it's always one show and it's just the hang like for the most part you just don't want to be fucking bored yeah and also you're hanging with other comics. It's the best thing ever. Right. Yeah.

When I first started doing that, I guess it was like the late 90s, I just started taking guys on the road. Yeah, like you bring Tony and Ian. It's, you know, it was so much better. I think the guys who are- Then you don't feel so fucking lonely. Chris McGuire was probably the first guy. I remember Chris.

Chris was a guy where- I remember his showcase. When Chris was auditioning for Mitzi, I purposely stole the- No, no, no. That was the time when I stole the host spot because Mitzi decided- I don't want to say anybody's name. Mitzi decided to let this person host the show that was impossible. It was impossible.

Okay. There was no comedy going on. It was madness. And she thought it was funny. Ha, ha. Let them host. It's chaos. Get it?

Yeah. No. Nobody gets it. I knew that McGuire was auditioning. I was like, this is not happening. I go, I'm going to host it. So I called up and I said, Mitzi, can I host it instead? And she said, okay.

Okay. Yeah. Just so I could do to host it. So I called up and I said, Mitzi, can I host it instead? And she said, okay. Just so I could do it for Chris. Yeah, I loved hosting, but I hate it. I loved hosting more than I loved waiting tables on those showcase nights. Because, you know, you get to see some cool comics that pop in or somebody showcasing that's really good like chris was great there's been a few where i'm like their showcase was phenomenal well it's a good thing because you're just going on stage over and over and over again right but when i start fun you're loosening up and you're getting comfortable up there yeah but as a waitress when i started

learning the homeless open micers acts i'm like like, I can't do this anymore. I'm gonna fucking snap. That's the thing that people don't understand about open mics. Anybody could do it. Jesus, I saw like five of them in my head. So there was a lot of guys that were like completely insane and they hadn't

showered in weeks. And they would be at the store. And I was friends with a lot of these guys because they hang out they're nice people yes they don't have anywhere to live and they're just like slumming it and there were some really eccentric people like robert william apravaia to me is one of my favorite guys to watch because he represented this will Robert William Epifantio. He represented this like completely unproduced energy. Like there was no way. Unproduced, I mean like professionally.

Yeah, I could do his act if you want. There was no managers or agents to pull him aside and go, I know what we're going to do. You're going to wear the fucking same suit forever. The green is good on you. And you're going to go on stage whacked out of your mind on marijuana. And you're going to go on stage whacked out of your mind on marijuana and you're going to go on stage and talk about pot. That's like all your act is all pot. Yeah.

He was so into Johnny Carson. What are you laughing about? What? Oh, there he is. Robert William Epifaya. Oh, is he on Twitter? He writes me all the time. He's a really nice guy. The official comedian for the 2024 elections.

Very nice guy. He's a very, very sweet man. Never had any physical contact with him. I've driven him home a couple times. What I mean is he won't let you hug him. You can't shake his hand. There's none of that. It's always been like, how are you, brother? What's going on? Are you good? It's so interesting because we've known each other, Robert and I, for so long he's come and i'm always nice to him and um this is a

another mitzy beautiful thing she knew robert was you know didn't have a lot of money or whatever like he was living on a fixed income so she left him bus fare so we would always give him his bus fare and um out of like petty cash or whatever, which didn't exist, as you know, for a while because there was no business. But even when we had no business, he goes, don't forget to give Robert his bus fare. And I was like, OK. So it's only one night a week that he would come. But still, it was sweet. That is sweet.

Yeah. And so I offered him a ride home instead of sitting on the bus. And he would only let me drive him to a certain point, then drop him off. And then he would take the bus. And I'm like, why? And he's like, oh, we can't accept gifts. He was that to the book. And I was like, but the gifts of what about what Mitzi gives you?

And he goes, that's pay for my comedy. And I was like, good point. Mitzi thinks it's bus fare, but i like where you're going he had a way of looking at things it was like okay amazing i was like okay it was always like all right man that's your deal dude had some funny one-liners though he's very funny he's a funny guy yeah i'm trying to i can do the uh karnak magnificent is that right i just had a bunch of like marijuana jokes. There were so many marijuana jokes. Oh yeah, constantly.

My stoner friends used to love it. Just come and sit in the back of the room and go, they thought it was so funny. Yeah, they would fuck with him a lot too. When you started working there in 93, what was it like? It was, I mean, it was all new to me because the only stand-up i knew you know my brothers would play like prior die stuff like that like i didn't think of it like working at a club when did you move to la in uh january of 93 and i got the job in march

took me that long to find a job and And I was going everywhere looking for a job. But like working at the store, I had no idea what a continuous show meant. First of all, I never cocktailed. I was like a food server. So I usually did like fine dining. They always had somebody separate for cocktails. So I was like, okay, if they would have asked me at the job interview, what's in a rum and Coke, I wouldn't have known. Like, it's just rum and Coke.

Anyway. Yeah, I get it. All right. I know what you're saying. You know, Jamie, when you have to explain the jokes,

they're not working. Anyway, so whatever. So I was like, oh, whatever. Got in the store, got better at,

wait, they Mitzi fired all those people. So, and I would watch the comics and like, back then it was like oh whatever got in the store got better at wait they mitzi fired all those people so and i would watch the comics and like back then it was like judy gold was on every night judy gold was like my favorite carol montgomery they were nick dipolo lived there around them so i was excited one thing i did to nick um he sometimes i would be scott day's assistant like help out upstairs. I had like every job in the store. It's uncomfortable. And I was helping Scott Day and it was Mondays, people were calling in and whatever. And I noticed Nick DiPaolo didn't call in. So I called him.

You did? He was one of my top favorites. So I go, hey, Nick, I noticed you didn't call in. one of my top favorites. So I go, hey, Nick, I noticed you didn't call in. I know nothing of Nick. And I go,

hey, I noticed you didn't call in. And it's Monday, you know? And he goes, yeah, I didn't call in because I'm on the fucking road. And he just hung up on me. I was like, oh. Oh, okay.

I was so upset. I was like, oh my God. And then like the next time, thank God he, okay. I was so upset. I was like, oh my God. And then like the next time, thank God he didn't know it was me. Cause like I saw him a couple of times, you know, he would hang out a lot. We would go eat. He would laugh. I mean, he made me laugh so hard. He was like one of my absolute favorites.

And because I would laugh so hard at him, everybody thought I was attracted to him. I'm like, no, that's not it. He's a funny fucking guy. A handsome guy too. You're a little bit attracted to him. Why are you lying? Oh, I was engaged. I he's a funny fucking guy a handsome guy too you're a little bit attracted to him why are you lying oh i was engaged i had a boyfriend he's a very handsome man he's a nice looking guy but he was really funny he was very very funny i don't know why i had to bring his looks into this you brought him in no i didn't bring in his looks in right

no it's you're in your gaitism in. You were like his slick back hair. Did you say gaytism? Yeah. What is gaytism? I don't know. Gayism. Joe, I didn't even finish the drink, by the way. You barely had a half a drink and you fucking smashed.

I'm not a good drinker. I can remember. No, that is a good drinker. A bad drinker would be like, give me another one. Oh, I see what you're saying. That's a bad drinker. You're fine. But I think somebody that can handle, like see what you're saying. That's a bad drinker. You're fine. But I think somebody that can handle,

like I'm 100% Irish. Right. That's uncomfortable that I get tipsy on this. Well, it's not. It's probably, look, the whole reason why the Irish culture has been associated with alcohol. I have family members that can drink.

Let me ask you this you're me and my mom and my brother jimmy can't do it why do you think that instead of like saying why i think it why do you think the irish culture has been so connected to alcohol like that's like if you look at like irish drinking ir Irish drinking is like, duh. Duh. You know what I mean? There's certain Argentinians, they make good steak. You know what I'm saying?

There's things that are connected. Brazilians make jujitsu. Irish get fucked up. Okay, hold on. That's rude. We do other things, too. Listen, amazing music, great fighters. We can boil the shit out of a potato now i like corned beef and cabbage so don't don't come with me as long as the mustard's brown and spicy somewhere i saw

a thing that said the reason they give the irish i don't remember who wrote it or where i read it but it was like the reason they give the irish the alcohol and hold them down with liquors because they don't want us to take over. It's probably right. It's probably right. Savage people. Can you imagine like if Conor McGregor took over? Well, I mean, that's a good example of like what when Irish people think of like the most ferocious style of Irishman, they think of a Conor McGregor who goes and knocks out Jose

Aldo in like 14 seconds and wins the world title. I mean, when you saw that, like that, when he's like standing there and the fucking audience is going bananas, that's like the perfect embodiment of the savage Irishman. Sure. Or somebody who has the balls to fight. Wasn't Van Morrison from Ireland too? That's a good question. Well, that's a marvelous man from England.

I love Van Morrison. Yeah, good question. Wasn't it? But he also. Wasn't Van Morrison from Ireland? Sorry, I a good question. Well, that's a marvelous I love Van Morrison. Yeah, good question. Wasn't it? But he also Wasn't Van Morrison from Ireland? Sorry, I got lost in a reading

why Irish and alcohol is a thing. Oh, really? Yeah. Were you drunk on the reef? Has to do with the potato farming. Oh,

by the way, whenever Dom and I call each other, so is Joseph, me boy. Northern Ireland. Oh, Dom,

I ran over with your little guinea pussy so he's from he's from ireland yeah he's from belfast oh well van morrison nice yeah okay belfast that guy was amazing yeah it's so rude i have a buddy of mine that i used to play pool with and we used to go to eat at diners we had always eaten diners like late at night like both of us like fucking half awake it's like four o'clock in the morning we've been playing pool for eight hours and and there was these little things where you'd put quarters in and you'd get to press the song you wanted to okay and he would always play moon dance jukebox yeah but it was a weird personal jukebox oh but

like on the table yeah on your table that's like a 50s diner thing. They always did that. Well, this was the 90s, but it was basically the same shit. These Greek diners, they would be open 24-7. So you can go there at 3 o'clock in the morning, have a double cheeseburger, coleslaw. Awesome. And we would be eating and just laughing, half awake, and he would always play that song. Always play Van Morrison. Yeah, I like that.

It's a great song. It's chilling. It Yeah, I like that. It's chilling. It's great music. Chill music, not chilling. Chill. Have you ever been to Ireland? Yeah, I've been to Belfast. I have not. I got drunk with this dude at a bar

and I still to this day, I think I recognize maybe eight words he said the whole night. Sometimes you're like, what? I was there, I did a show. I did a comedy show and then we went back to the bar at the hotel and then uh i just met a bunch of these guys and they always the thing about irish people that everyone's a legend oh i don't know you're a legend they want to give you a drink you're a fucking legend and next thing i'm drinking with this dude and i i don't know who was

more fucked up me or him we were both blasted trashed and he's going i just remember him saying i'll fight any man i'll fight any man that's who we are there's fucking chocolate what is fucking fucking chocolate i'll fucking give it to him he can all get it and they fight like this like why are your hands out here but i'm being But I'm talking way better than he was. Right, right. I don't understand what he was saying. Because their accent is so. Their accent's wild.

And when they drink, it gets like even slurrier. So it's like. Yeah, we were blasted. I was too drunk to understand what he was saying. I love that. And he was too drunk to talk straight. And he just kept telling me he'd fight anybody. It's exactly who we are.

I don't know why. And even if we're getting beat up, that makes us happy. There's no sunlight. We're not allowed in the sunlight. You try to get your happiness from other ways. You try to beat people up to get your happiness. I just dug up a fun stat. I found a stat for how much alcohol was consumed in Ireland.

Oh, Jesus. Millions of gallons. Or liters, I'm sorry. But I wanted to compare that to the U.S., right? Millions of gallons. Yeah, so in 2016 it says 41.6 million gallons of alcohol. In the U.S.? I'm sorry, liters.

This is in Ireland. Oh, this is just Ireland. So there's a smaller population. Okay, how many liters are in a gallon? Is it two? What would you guess? Three. Oh, this is just Ireland. It's a smaller population. Okay, how many liters are in a gallon? Is it two? What would you guess? Three. Well, it's liters.

The problem is like gallons. Come on, I'm not smart. It's like a two liter. It's about a two liter, I think. Two. Or a little bit under. So like a two liter Pepsi, one of them big jams. Jams, yeah.

So they're drinking that every day. One liter is, I'm sorry, it's less. Sorry, wait, what? What? One liter equals 0.26 gallons so is that four four liters equals a gallon yeah yeah four yeah there you go oh okay I said three I was like so how many liters are they drinking so it's a quarter gallon how many liters are they drinking 41 million and that's 3.6

million people it's not just whiskey. It doesn't say exactly. It says alcohol. Let's be real. It's mostly whiskey. All right. So here's the point I brought up. Here's the reason I brought it up.

It's probably beer. A lot of beer. That's three million people. They have aged 15 and higher for whatever. It only starts at 15 there for Ireland. That's a drinking age.

Compared to the US, just beer. In 2018, 6.3 billion gallons of beer In the United States Well that's because we all came over on that little boat Look at all the cool shit that's been made From all those drunk people Hey man really what are we

I'm kidding There's a lot that's happened All Bukowski's work 570 million is the liquor, the spirits it says. That's so funny. 570 million gallons of spirits. 570 million gallons of the most forged. That's US or Ireland?

That's liters. This is the US. This is the shit that you have to sip. I'm sipping it. Millions of gallons of stuff you have to sip. By the time I get to an ounce. My God. Yeah, I'm not a good... I've been places where a lot of people are drinking. They're like, drink, drink, drink, two more.

And if I do more than three shots... The states that drink the most... California, Texas, and Florida. What? That makes a lot of sense. Well, Florida for sure. Florida makes the most sense. It's probably the highest populated states too., and Florida. What? That makes a lot of sense. Well, Florida for sure. Florida makes the most sense. It's probably the highest populated states too.

Texas and California. Pennsylvania is kind of orange. Look at all those people in Montana just barely drinking. There's no one there. How dare you? There's many people there. Does that mean they're just empty? Oh, that's Mormons, Utah.

There's no alcohol. So it's California and then Washington State is the one right below Vancouver, right? Look how much they're drinking. They're drinking a lot. Well, yeah, it's Washington. They're drinking more. What else is there to do? So Oregon drinks less than California.

So does Nevada, which is where Vegas, I mean, like I said. That is weird with Vegas, yeah. Maybe two cities only total. Yeah, but the thing is, like, California has massive cities. Sure. San Francisco. Look up it, yeah. Los two cities only total. Yeah, but the thing is like California has massive cities. Sure. San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego.

That's why I think Texas pops up before like New York. Right. Yeah. That is bullshit. That doesn't make sense with Texas and New York. Like New York State?

Texas. But you just got New York City doing most of it I would think and then you got Houston, Dallas, Austin. That's a good question. Like here's the question. What is the

difference in the... What's the population of New York State versus New York City? So New York City, I'm going to guess 7 million. 8.5. Wow. Didn't they always say that? The city of 8 million people? I don't know. It's like in songs and stuff.

It's in songs. It never sleeps. Yeah, yeah. Less than half. What? It's in songs. It never sleeps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the city that... I'm trying to think more. It's less than half. What? It's like almost 20 million people in the state. That's still a lot. Oh, okay.

I mean, I guess that might... Hold on. Make DuPont Metro popular. 20 million in the state? NYC Metro. How many million do you think live in Florida? Wait. So the metro area says it's 20 million people and the state says it's 20 million people.

So that's not right. The metro's 20 million, the state is 20 million. NYC metro population, it pops up 20.3 million. So it's basically half. But what I just had up was New York state population. It says 19.45 million. Oh. So it's pretty much half in the neighborhood.

Well, I guess there's a, does the Connecticut count for metro area? No. Is it that big? No, I don't the Connecticut count for metro area? No. Or Jersey? No, no, no. Metro area is just New York, right? But Jersey would be. Really? It's just the proximity.

Here's the question. There's a lot of people that live in New Jersey and they travel to New York to work. Do they count them? Philadelphia too, yeah. How do they count that? Here's your metro popper? Philadelphia too, yeah. Right. They count, how do they count that? I think this is the, here's your metro popper area. It's pretty big. Oh, wow.

It goes all the way down there. Includes a lot of different spots. Yeah. Oh, wow. So, yeah, even like all of Long Island. Damn. Is Long Island considered New York City? No. Queens is. No. Long Island's But Queens is kind of on the way

they're the boroughs because i took where you would if you live there how far would you travel and still consider you live in their kind of thing you know almost right the bronx is um what queens is probably the closest you can get to long island oh no while you're still too right brooklyn too right well brooklyn's kind of New York City, though. So is Queens, right? It's the boroughs. Brooklyn, they always say that's the suburbs. It always confused the shit out of me when I lived there. I'm like, why are you calling it this?

This is the place here. This is the place there. And that's over there. You guys are confusing me with your fucking boroughs talk. Which borough? Which borough? Bitch, I'm going to give you an address. But my friends in Brooklyn said they would move to the suburbs, and the suburbs to them

was Long Island. This map I just pulled up with states compared to New York City's population looks exactly like the alcohol thing. That's amazing. The only place that's worth more than New York City. That's so true. Look at this. Hilariously.

They're like, there's too many fucking people we're drinking. More than New York City. That's so true. It's like, that's hilariously texted. They're like, there's too many fucking people who are drinking. But the China thing that we're looking at, do they have a, like, a lot of drinking?

What do you mean like that? When we saw those people like getting shoved in those trains. Does China still have the rule you can only have one kid? No, they don't have that anymore.

They tried that, right? But I think they do have a limit there is a limit still my mom would get kicked out yeah your mom anyway do you think people are having kids that many kids now well i think they got to a point where this but that's where it gets sketchy like fucking expensive you gotta be crazy But that's what we were talking about earlier. It's like we think of people as being valuable if there's not a lot of them. And then those are good relationships because I think that's how people are designed. They're designed to deal with small groups of people where everyone has sort of a function in society. But you get to the groups like we saw those people get into the subway and it's like there's too many people.

There's no way they can manage this. I can't find the actual number yet going too fast, but China's per capita drinking will surpass the United States by 2030. Per capita. See? If you just multiply that by the population. A way that you can dull people down is through drinking. That's what they did to the Irish. Yeah. That's bullshit.

We're doing it right now. Wait a minute. Yeah, man. My thought on this is like, this is a tool. You could use it correctly or you could let it sedate you. China's alcohol consumption up nearly 70% since 1990.

Oh, and by the way, since that time they've been taking over the fucking world. Oh, yeah. Any coincidence? They're getting hammered. They're getting hammered and they're kicking ass. That's what we need to start to do. Right, Eleanor? We're going to start getting drunk. Fuck this. Fuck this. Did you ever drink with

Mitzi? No, I didn't. No. She liked a little Grand Marnier. The one night there was a shooting and I had to get all the waitresses. And this was a different shooting. There's a couple of them. And I had to get all the waitresses. We were missing some waitresses and they were like, get them in the office.

And I wasn't even like the boss yet. I was kind of new at this point and i got us all in the office and um we're in like locked in the office waiting for the cops to come and figure out what's going on out there and so we're in the office and mitzi goes go out there and get me a grandma yay and i was like bitch they are shooting and she was like aren't you the one from philadelphia you're the tough one go out there i was like oh my god give me a grandma yay while they're shooting at each other and i remember like opening the gate even the you know mr p the thai bartenders were all looking at me like go get the drink we We're not going.

This was from a different time, Eleanor. That's what I think. Yeah. I think people just behaved at a different time back then. When people dropped dead, they were like, oh, we lost Marty. People get shot. Oh, Tom took a dive. He's gone.

He's gone forever. We won't see him no more. Yeah. If you broke your leg, you were dead. These people, they had a different value of life. Yeah. Not a lot of doctors and medicine and things like that. I think whenever you can avoid getting to a situation where there's so many people.

I never want to be around that many people. Nobody cares about the people. There's too many. So it doesn't bother them if people disappear. But they're not, I mean, you could say they're, I'm going to say something real bad. All right, take it back. Take it back, Eleanor. I was going to say they're not human because meaning-

Right, you don't think of them as human. You think of them as being a problem. You don't think of them as being your brothers and sisters. You think of there's so many of them, there's too many. They're not important. That's the problem with being smushed many of them, there's too many. They're not important. That's the problem with being smushed. Well, I guess I wouldn't say they're not important. I just wouldn't think of them.

I'm like, that's fucking crazy. Why would you live like that? Well, it's also it's people are less. They feel less bad if people die, if there's less of those people. It's just like it's a normal thing. Like the way the human mind works right if you have 40 nice glasses and someone drops one you're not going to be that upset you're going to be like oh it's all right we got now we got 39 but if you have three glasses

and someone drops one you're gonna be like fuck like, fuck, man! What are you doing? I only have two left. And that's how you feel about people. It's the same way. When you're around people and there's a certain amount of people and you love them, then you're real happy

and you want to help each other. You value that person. You hope they don't go away. When there's so many people that are literally pushing you into a subway and some guy's dick is touching your leg and they're throwing you into this subway. And literally they push you in some places so the doors can shut. It's crazy.

It's fucking terrifying. It's crazy. I just, I don't know. It's crazy. It's not the way people are supposed to be. It's just not good for us. We all need to be valued. And when we're not valued, then we get weird.

We don't know what to do. We're like, what is life? What am I? I'm so sad. Right? I'm not valued. I feel that every day, Joe. And then I go for a run or I listen to David Goggins and he curses me out.

Stay hard! He doesn't send me messages like a motherfucker. But, oh my God god when he was saying uh somebody tells you you can't do it and he just immediately cursed and my mother's face just dropped i was like oh no well your mother's maybe that's not her she come on she's got to start cursing more it's bullshit you think you can change the 83 she she does curse like a little bit like what i told you she had the, but she doesn't remember having it. Right.

And so, and I was like, I'll say something like, I'll just be talking to somebody. Well, when mommy had COVID and she's like, oh, I didn't have COVID. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, you had COVID. She's like, no, I didn't have. I go, yeah, you had it. She goes, well, that's bullshit. And I'm like, what's bullshit? She goes, well, they said it would kill me.

And I'm like, okay okay um relax you got through it bitch so she she was mad that it didn't no i think it was the covid like they say it's like foggy brain or something oh so she forgets so she just don't remember it she just literally it started a little bit before she got covid but even even more so after. They say it reduces your IQ. I think Rhonda Patrick has something about that. Is that a real thing? Because I'm going to tell people that's what happened. I don't think it's constant.

Not to my mom, to me. There's been a demonstrated decrease in IQ. But here's my question. When was the original test taken? But here's my question. When was the original test taken? And what would have happened if they hadn't had COVID but just had gotten beaten down through life over the last 11 years? I would like to know when was the original IQ test?

Was it straight out of college, feeling good, on top of of the world or was it when you were 39 and everything wasn't going so great in your career have you been tested yeah really a few of those yeah i would be terrified listen i panicked getting the the covid test so i was like i'm gonna fail i'm gonna fail like thing is it's like it's in you could definitely get better at taking that kind of test. The same way you get better at playing games. It's practice. Right.

I just think there's certain aspects of it that you could develop. The question is, is there an innate ability that you can harness? Do you have 500 horsepower or do you have 250? What are you born with? What's real? have 500 horsepower or do you have 250? Like, what are you born with? What's real? What's real? And what is applying? I'm going to go with the low number for me.

But you know what I'm saying? But I got a little bit higher later. How much of like, when someone's measuring your intelligence, how much are they measuring the amount of time that you've been focusing on thinking and expressing yourself over the last X amount of years

where you're sharp versus what's the overall capability of your brain, right? Like I've met some fucking really smart people that just never applied themselves in a traditional sense. Oh, yeah. But they were brilliant. Oh, yeah, 100%. I know a lot of them. Super smart.

They would call that street smart back in our day, right? True. Yeah. So if you take a really intelligent person who's very good at passing physics tests and great at dissertations and knows how to write an amazing paper on thermodynamics, would that guy be able to negotiate a Coke deal and not get robbed? Right. Would they be able to meet a girl and know that she's just trying to be a gold digger?

Would they be able to have a business conversation with a guy from another country who's trying to steal resources and figure out how to, hey, hey. Oh, please. Hey, you can't. Excuse me, sir. Time out. What are you saying? What kind of deal are you trying to structure here?

Right. Like what makes someone aware of the way humans think? And there's some people that are like really good at mathematics, but not good at just being fun. Right. So what is that? Is that a kind of intelligence? There's a kind of dance that people do when they become friends. Like you and I, we've had these kind of conversations for decades.

Yeah. So we talk shit. We have fun. So it's normal. So if you and I have a conversation like this, it's a normal way to talk. But for a lot of people, they don't ever get to talk freely. Right. When do they get to do that?

They don't get to do it at work. So for the entire time they're at work they have to play a role right a professional and whatever they're doing or whatever they're selling and like what is how much of your your your natural human intelligence gets suppressed by doing a job you don't like all day like what makes you smart what so my question is like I don't know if it's COVID that made those people dumber. I would like to know like when they had their first test because I think life might be making us dumber whether you get COVID or not. Reality TV, podcast.

You have to like say, hey, man, I think you're going to catch COVID next week. You want to do me a favor? Take an IQ test right now. I want to know what you're saying right now. Because I would like to know if after COVID they really were dumber. But is it really lowering the IQ or messing with the brain? Like the foggy brain, the cloudy

brain they're saying. Like where you can't remember certain things. The IQ score drops. And the idea is the drop corresponds with the infection. So the infection makes you dumber. Or makes you slower or whether it's permanent or temporary. You know,

it's hard to say if it's permanent, right? It's all just happened. Yeah. Might be a thing where it takes a few months and you pop out of the fog. You know how people say all the time, like I'm dumb. I like,

and I do it. Do you do that? I'm terrible. Anyway. So, but you, you it's habitual you start and you're supposed to try to reverse that to like we're not good at i'm not good at shit like that right like i'll say things like like if i do something wrong i'll be like damn it i want to kill myself like like that and it'll just come out of nowhere it's like why would you say that and then like um we all say it in my family and my mom was at a funeral of my little sister's friend unfortunately had killed herself and the somebody at the funeral was saying wow mrs kerrigan you look amazing you don't age you know and she's like what and she's like I look

like shit you know because we're so used to degrading ourselves and then she goes no you haven't aged a bit and she goes how long has it been since I seen you she goes I don't know 30 years and she goes if I look like this 30 years ago I'd kill myself she was at a funeral for somebody to kill

it's just the way we talk it's just the way we talk It's just the way we talk. It's just the way we talk. If I lived like this 30 years ago, I'd kill myself at a funeral for someone to just kill themselves. So yeah, we're naturally dumb. I'm just kidding.

But it's just like we get into these negatives. That's a fun thing to say at that moment. Yeah, why though? Because it's forbidden. Because it's forbidden because it's forbidden and also because it takes a little bit of the air out of the the fucking elephant in the room which is you're going to die no matter what right you're going to die right because of this are you going to die because of that this is one of the things that we're seeing right now with this pandemic is like there's a legitimate concern about health and about protecting people that are vulnerable that's those are all real but there's also people that are just experiencing this angst

about impending death sure and they're freaking out and they spend this one guy that i follow on on twitter i don't even maybe i follow him for real but anyway i just go to him when i want to see like a crazy person flailing i love Because all of his tweets are about the vaccines. All of his tweets are about COVID. All of his tweets are about the pandemic. All his tweets are about, it's wild to see. Like you're watching someone whose only method of expression is just talking about this one thing. Because for some people, this has been the reason why they're holed up.

They're holed up in their houses. They're holed up, and that's it. And there's been other people that have just been out, and they have different ideas of what's happening in the world right now. People aren't realizing that we're just going to have to learn to live with this, and we're going to have to all move through it together somehow, peacefully, if that's possible. I don't know.

Possibly separately, because people love to separate now. But it's never going away. But it's also the way people are talking to each other. This is like the viral pandemic version of road rage. Where when people can't even talk. One person gets in front of another person, they honk their horn. It's like,

fuck you. You got in front of me and you get in front of them. Like you almost can't even talk. Yeah. And that's how people are right now. When they're on whatever side you're on about anything with the pandemic, whatever, if you disagree with any of their thoughts on anything,

you're the worst. It's like a road rage. And a lot of it is because there's a reality to being alive that's not addressed enough, and it's that we're so vulnerable. We're so vulnerable. And yet we're accepting that people are vulnerable naturally and we're accepting that people are vulnerable because of their own choices. Taking things a little too serious. But also like their choices in terms of like what they do with their body, what they eat and how often they exercise and how they feel. I'm pro-choice.

Whether or not they meditate as far as meditation or food everything if you if it's good for you do it if it's not good for you don't do it that's pro-choice to me you should write a book thanks joe it would be a short book um how many pages you think it would be guess 30 30 that high. Put some fluff in there. 19 tops. 19 is the number. But this is like what's happening here. It's like a lot of people are freaked out and they want you to be freaked out at the exact same level that they're freaked out. They want you to be as afraid as they are.

Exactly. As fucking angry as they are. Whatever they are. And if you're not, then you're part of the problem. Yeah. It's never that you should take better care of your health. Right. It's never that you should recognize that you've put yourself in a vulnerable position

because of your actions and you could actually reverse those with good habits. And you've had a year and a half to do that. Some people have figured it out. There's a lot of amazing people out there that have lost it. Action Bronson during the pandemic. What did he lose? Like a hundred and something pounds. You know the rapper Action Bronson during the pandemic what did he lose like a hundred and something pounds you know the rapper oh yeah yeah he's he's lost a fucking crazy amount

of weight i had him on the podcast what's that 130 130 pounds during the pandemic that fucking guy works out every day wow every day 130 still. 130 pounds. He still smokes weed. Still eats great food. He just works out like a savage. Like he had a child. Does he have a lot of joint pain and stuff? If he does, he doesn't complain about it. Good for him. Look at how much weight he's lost. Wow. I worked out with him. We had a workout at the Onyx Gym. We had a great time. He gets after it. We did a thing with John Wolf where we were doing like real shit like heavy kettlebell clean press

squat I love kettlebell workouts he was doing all that stuff I mean I don't do giant kettlebell but like it just makes me think of Brody

remember when he was in his kettlebell phase Brody opened up for me in Tempe he opened up at the Tempe Improv he brought his kettlebell and we were doing

kettlebells in the parking lot I go you have kettlebells he goes Joe and we were doing kettlebells in the parking lot. I go, you have kettlebells? He goes, Joe Rogan, I bring kettlebells everywhere I go. How's the trunk of his car, right? He's doing, like, fucking windmills and shit. Yes, and he's kicking with it, and you're like, what the fuck? He was doing windmills in the parking lot. He was doing that in the original room on stage with the kettlebells.

You know how fucking close people are. And he's, yes! Oh my God, that's scary. I'm like waiting tables. Imagine the fucking

kettlebell slips out of his sweaty hand. He doesn't even have any chalk. That's irresponsible. I get B.O. in the shower and he's just

blowing his fucking, such an idiot. God, I love him. Kettlebell swings okay for him. It's on his channel. There he is.

It's the Brody Stevens channel. How great is it that they made an 818 National Brody Stevens Day in Los Angeles? That's amazing. Very exciting. Is it August 18th? Is that what it is? Yeah, that's beautiful. God, I miss his stupid ass.

Yeah, I miss that dude too. I'll fuck him up man he was always a guy like he never had any ego he was like missing an ego you know what I mean yeah very insecure poor thing but not just that it's like you know like even if you told him

like I would come up to him after Shug or Brody that was fucking amazing like Rogan always supportive it was always an announcement yeah it's like people are like is he doing stand-up i'm like he's really more making announcements to everyone it was like whatever disconnect with in his personality that like giving you compliment him and you would tell him like brody you're fucking really funny man he gets it yeah like he would like just lose. Eleanor, always there for me.

If we would heckle him, I remember late night in the original, I was waiting tables, me and Freddie Soto, and he would be on stage being like, I have acne, or whatever it was, and Freddie would be like, Hey, bro, Edward James almost works all the time. Freddie Soto, a national headliner, not being supportive tonight.

I mean, he would just get into it. Like, he'd laugh so hard. Yeah, so many fucking silly, silly things. How many silly people were working out of that place? That's what was interesting. silly things how many silly people were working out of that place that's what was interesting it's like it was like there was a magnet and it sucked all the crazy people it definitely had crazy people but have like like i think of um mitzi and how i used to watch showcases with her well i wouldn't watch the showcase i'd be waiting tables and then i'd come and get the list from her

and there would be checks according to who she was passing and who she wasn't. And I would put them in the door of the office and then it would go up to whomever the town coordinator was. And so I remember like Sebastian, for instance, showcasing. And I thought, OK, I didn't it didn't shock me one way or the other. It wasn't great. It wasn't that wasn't anything. It was not didn't even remember it. And then I saw him again and it was like really bad and this time she passed him and i was like what the hell and i was like okay so i said maybe she's high or something i don't know so i just put it i didn't think of it and then he started working at the store you know

and he was the always the nicest guy so he'd do his thing killing it like or not killing it she moved him up to later in the lineup she moved him to the belly room back to later in the lineup then all of a sudden he starts killing it and one day she's sitting in the original room and he's fucking destroying it's like 11 o'clock and he she goes uh i surprised myself with that one but it's just like it was so like she took so many chances on so many kooks and it could go really the wrong way like you know they would just disappear off the face of the earth or they stuck around like sebastian yeah sebastian when i first but i really thought he was just gonna i first saw him when he first started Yeah, same Like he was just a literal open mic-er

And he was at the store And, you know, that's a crazy place to start Well, he took Sandy Seashore's class And he thought, poor thing I know, I have to say the whole name Get it? Seashore That's what you would say to me. Any comedy class not taught by a top level comedian is sus.

Well, yes. And I'll tell you what his, um, but it lets you get on stage. Cause Brody took it too. But a lot of people took it. Well,

it doesn't mean you can't become a great comic if you try, because a lot of people that do it don't know what the steps are to become a comic most of them took her class thinking they would get to mitzi sure so it was the into the comedy store and sebastian on the comedy store podcast with us he he told me that um he told us that he wrote the check catch he was all excited he's in the class and then the first day sandy's like if you're here to get close to my mother, she hates me. So forget it. And Sebastian's like, she already cashed the check. So he took the class.

But then you got stage time at the store. She already cashed the check. What are you doing? What are you doing? So I get it. Like, I think Eric Griffin took it. Honestly, it was just they were thinking it was that end. I had already left the store.

I left the store in 2007 with the whole thing. I know. And then I was on the road for the UFC in Vegas, and I was watching Showtime in my hotel room, just sitting alone, chilling. It was like weigh-in night or something like that. Okay. And I'm watching Sebastian Slay.

Slay. Slay. And I tweeted about it. I was like, whoa. I go, Sebastian was really fucking funny on Showtime. I was like, this is really good. I hadn't seen him in Probably like at least three years three or four years. Yeah, and he had just figured it out

He just he just found his groove. Sometimes that happened with Theo Vaughn Theo Vaughn. Yeah, I remember Theo found his groove 100% when I first saw him. He was funny He was always funny. funny yeah but there was like a groove that he hit yeah he just one or two years here was like one or two years later was like oh my god it was like 2017 or something like that whatever year it was yeah i was like god damn like theo just like he he went through some new membrane he took a lot of shit too because the comics weren't giving him respect what comics meaning meaning because he came from like a reality show background whatever i forgot what the name of it was but they would always be like oh he's a fucking reality guy and i'm like yeah

he's pretty cool you know and then you see him and he was growing and growing and growing and then he just locked in and just started kicking ass. One of my favorites. My nephew, Jimmy, watches him all the time. That's his motivation. He watches Theo Vaughn. He's brilliant. You've got to be as open-minded as you can.

Agreed. You really do. And some people are just not willing to do that for whatever reason. They just decide that this guy can't do this because he used to be on this. Right. This guy used to be on this. Right. This guy used to be a fucking singer in a band like Dean. I remember that with Dean. Oh, yeah.

Dean took a lot of shit, too. He took a lot of shit. Oh, you want to come over here? Or guys who used to be actors and they quit acting and now they want to do it. Oh, acting didn't work out, so now you want to be a... Right. Stop.

I mean, there are some that get into it and I'm like, ugh, now they're going to steal our stage time because they have the clout. That's annoying. Like they're not going through the proper channels to develop. But here's the thing. They're not really going to steal your stage time. They're just going to get stage time. I got bumped by a few of them.

But that's because I'm nobody technically. They're not stealing your stage time. Yes, exactly. Hey. They're not stealing your stage time. You're not supposed to agree with that. But it's true. Go ahead, technically. Yes, exactly. Hey. You're not stealing your stage time. You're not supposed to agree with that. But it's true. Go ahead.

That's what it is. It's some jackass from the movies all of a sudden wants to start doing stand-up. Right, because they have a name and they could possibly sell the tickets. It's basically opening up the option for you because you're still good. It definitely pushes Chinese people making their way onto a subway, and there's a guy behind it with a... You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a few too many, but what that does is it expands, and it makes more comedy. It makes more comedy. True, true. And if they're bad, in contrast to you, it makes you look better. Because they're like, oh, we went to see that idiot from that sitcom. He was terrible, but Eleanor Kerrigan was fucking hilarious. It makes more people pay attention to stand-up. Yeah, I get that.

So instead of thinking it as glass half empty. Joey, are you trying to get me to think positive? No, it's too late. It's never going to happen. I try. I meditate. David's helping me. Goggins and I are good friends now.

You meditate? Yeah, but I'm not good at it because I have anxiety and I like I'll just I have anger real bad

what do you mean who the fuck knows baby I was born this way I don't know like the littlest thing will happen you have too many brothers you have to fight your way

through life maybe a lot of scratching clawing you develop defense instincts true but we're all so close it's weird like you would think we yeah with our anger we didn't like each other we're all testing each other for battle well we all need each other to go out and fight somebody you know you make sure you can keep it together if the shit is the fan but like i fan. But I'll sit in my apartment. I'll be all chill.

But you can't meditate with your fist clenched, you fucking idiot. No, no, like this, like this, like this. I sit with it on my legs. You're supposed to sit in a certain position. What do you do when you meditate? And so I try to like, I listen to tapes. Like people try to help you through it. Like, think of this.

Is there an app that you enjoy yeah uh no i just go on youtube is that bad and so i'll just try to calm down and then a car alarm will go out off and i'll be like you motherfucker listen to me i hope you don't and i'm like right you lose you know and then i'm like shut the fuck up and then I go back to it so it's not good well it's an extra challenge of trying to do something relaxing in a place that's not relaxing oh what am I supposed to do Joe

buy a fucking beach I don't know figure it out this is what I got you work with what you got so I was doing that, but I do like to sit and like, I don't know if it's technically motivating.

I mean, I'm meditating, but it's more motivating. Joe, one half of one half of a glass. Just push that over there. Uh, with a power bar and some vitamin C in me.

That's probably what he got you. So, power bar. Why? Cause whatever me. That's probably what he got you, this power bar. Why? Because whatever, I'm no food. So anyway, so what I'm saying is that, like I'll listen to Goggins, like a 10 minute rant, and then I'll get all fucking pumped up. And I feel like I like those better.

And I'll write more or I'll sit and I'll start, you know, doing stuff I have to do and be more amped because of things he said and I'll repeat things he says. Okay. Is that bad or good? Like, I don't know. Like you said, everything, whatever works for you, right?

Whatever works for you. Yeah, it's only bad if it hurts somebody and you know it and you don't care and you're like, fuck them. That's when it's bad. That's not bad. That's 100% good. Me cursing out somebody with a car alarm,

that's a problem. You don't even know who the fuck that is. They don't. Yes, I do. It's some idiot fucking truck driver. They're not feeling it when you're saying this on the show. Oh. They're not feeling your anger.

I apologize. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Yes, yes. But there's a challenge that comes with maintaining calm and peacefulness in an unsteady uneasy environment like a city street yeah but if you can sit there and let the horns honk that i don't give a fuck don't know if i can if you can do that while the horns are honking. I'll try. Sometimes I put the headphones in and that

but then I'll hear like beep beep beep. But it seems ridiculous. But I really think that. It does help. Concentrating on your breathing is one of the most underappreciated things that people do. The Alexander technique. Concentrating on your breathing. What's the Alexander? It was an acting

thing. Oh. You had to take it to somewhere fake. Wait! Alexander technique's a good thing. It helps with breathing. How's it work? It's just, you know, you're supposed to feel your breath in and out. Feel it. Feel your spine.

I forget. Can you look up Alexander technique? I'm sorry. No, it's a really good thing. But we used to do it all the time. I can't think of what's a really good thing. But we used to do it all the time, Bill. I can't think of what we used to say. Me and Freddie used to do it all the time. Who invented this?

Alexander? Some guy, Alexander. He has a technique and... It's a breathing relaxation before performing technique? Yes, yes. Oh, maybe I'll start using that. Now I'm turning my corner. No, it's not.

Fuck Alexander. I'm like, dude, I follow this new principle. Let it be a thought. Let it be a thought. That's what we would say. That'll be the new thing I talk about too much. What, the Alexander Technique? That'll be my new thing.

Oh my God. You're going to force people to do it? Yeah, yeah. Everybody get on the Alexander Technique like a junkie. I'm going to tell everybody. This is really important. Here's the thing. If things are real fucked up i'm pretty calm if

things are calm and like not fucked up enough i get out um like out of whack so if uh there was some sort of like a real situation like if this building started falling down we'd be fine i'd get us out of here you'd be fine you maybe prefer a little bit of that yeah a little bit of chaos i like chaos i'm comforting chaos well you have braveheart genes we've already established that all right so think about all these fucking people in your past hacking the same people stop it now same part of the fucking world i mean okay anyway i'm not saying that like you're direct descendants i'm saying i'm just kidding whether it's england or ireland oh yeah england yeah well rape yeah so definitely english

in there each other they don't fuck each other they talk similarly i'm gonna drink this last but listen they, they talk similarly. Similarly. No, you're right. You're right. Similarly. Or if someone's like hurt or something, I could do that. Like, I remember. You prefer a little bit of chaos. That's why you were a pro wrestler.

Yeah, I'm a mess. I'm a mess is what the answer is, I guess. It's like you like a little bit of fun. Fun. Like, I remember, I'll talk about Mitzi again for a second. We went to the dominican republic so she can get some of her treatments stem cell injections so we were uh you know and she was like she got them 10 years earlier or however many years she had to wait i forget what

the requirement was but when she first got him she was like i loved it she loved it she was flipping around so she thought it was going to do the same thing but at this point she was you know her sickness was getting worse and she was getting older so her first experience was really good yeah the second one was good but it wasn't like she wasn't as like she felt like she could do back flips how much time after the first one between the first i can't remember if it was five years or a few i know she had a weight they made you wait a few years because it wasn't legal in the united states it was a new thing right yeah so i think bob wheeler took her first and i took her the second time to the dominican republic and it was my first time leaving the country whoa how long in advance do

you know about it a couple weeks so how'd you get a like passport i had my no because i was wrestling shut up joe and we were supposed to go to japan so i got a password oh well that's lucky that's lucky and so i randomly had it because and so we went and but I remember when we got to the, I was overly nervous about her. Because first of all, I'm signing a piece of paper that says if she gets sick from the stem cells, they're not going to treat her in the United States. So it's basically weekend at Bernie's with me and Mitzi. If something, God forbid, happens, I'm fucked. If she died out there, you'd be fucked. Oh, as it is, Pauly and I would fight all the time.

And what year is this? 90. It was 2001. And this is all, I mean, 20 years ago, what? Where were stem cells? How? What were they doing? I don't know.

I just know that. This was like you're taking a shot at the dark, right? Right. And leaving the country to have to get them is frightening. Just hold on for one second. When did they start using stem cells for any sort of therapeutic intervention? Is it legal here now? Yes. For some stem cells. Oh, okay. A version of?

They do different kind of stem cells. A lot of it, what they'll do is when a woman is like 25 or younger and she has a baby, she'll be able to like sell her umbilical cord and they take her umbilical cord and they convert it. I think she sells it. The placenta, you mean? No, the cord itself is filled with stem cells. Stem cells. And they convert that into stem cells. There's a bunch of different ways they do it.

I thought it's in the placenta too. Am I crazy? Maybe, probably. Because a lot of people were like, they're selling dead babies out of Planned Parenthood at the back. I'm like, okay, psycho. But here's the thing. Realistically, I'm not just trying to be evil. I'm just trying to look at it.

If you knew that people were definitely going to get abortions, would it be better? knew that people were definitely going to get abortions? Like, would it be better if they were definitely going to get abortions to take the cells from the aborted fetuses and use them? Or would it be better if you never did anything with those cells? It's an interesting question. Yeah. Either way, they're wrong. But the problem is like-

Like in a lot of people's eyes. The fear is that someone would do something for money to give away this. Like they would have a baby aborted on purpose for money. That's the fear. That's not a thing. Even if it's not a thing, I'm just saying this is the worst case scenario that anybody could ever imagine it going to. So they get scared. I know, I know. The worst case scenario that anybody could ever imagine it going to. Yeah. So they get scared. But it's like, is abortion legal?

And if it is legal, what happens to the tissue? Right. Like if it's illegal to do anything with the tissue. Why can't we utilize it? Right. But it's weird because if you do utilize it, people worry that you're doing it for funds. You're doing it for profit. You're doing it for profit. You're doing it on purpose.

Because you're like, people are fucked. It's crazy. Yeah. But at the same time, people want to live forever. So they're like, give me the drug. You know, it's like, whatever. But they also can do stem cells out of your own fat. Some sort of stem cells.

Yeah, they do liposuction. They take your own fat and they convert that into some... What is this? Whoa. Stem cell therapy using tissue stem cells has been in routine use since the 1970s. Bone marrow transplants are able to replace a patient's diseased blood system for life thanks to the proprieties of blood stem cells. Wow.

That's wild. The 1970s. Stem cells were first used for bone marrow transplants, a procedure that was introduced as a treatment for cancer and genetic blood disorders in the 1960s. Every year stem cells are presently used is about 60,000 BMT operations worldwide so 60,000 people worldwide get stem cells bone marrow transplant that's heavy shit that is heavy and it is crazy that they don't

use it because like I wanted my mom to get it for her knee because you said you used it for your shoulder right my mom my mom got it for her knee because you said you used it for your shoulder, right? My own mom. My mom got it for her knee as well. I think it would be great. She went to Panama. It helped her a lot. You're saying I have to go out of the country again. I'm just kidding.

Well, the thing is what they're able to do in the United States is pretty significant right now. But what they're able to do in Peru and in Colombia and a few other places in Mexico, they don't have the same sort of restrictions in terms of like how many stem cells they can use or how they cultivate them. I don't know exactly what I'm talking about. A little bit of making up. I see that. But I know you do. There's something about it where there's things that can help us so much.

I don't understand why they wouldn't. Because I think they're a little bit worried about what's the negative side effects. Right. But that's what I'm saying. Sitting in an abandoned hospital in the Dominican Republic, out of the country for the first time, whatever, frightened signing this paper. And I'm with the craziest person on the planet, Mitzi Shore, who God love her. She's always joking. And a lot of people like think she was always angry and yelly. She

was always making jokes. She was so silly and I'm like sweating and she could see how nervous I was like sitting there. And the doctor came in, he gave her a shot, right? And right in her belly. And she looked at me she goes i hope that one had blonde hair and blue eyes and i was just like not now like as i'm shaking but she was so stupid she would try to make me a baby stem cells had blonde hair but she was just trying to make me laugh because she saw how nervous I was, you know? Of course. And then she goes, you know, you missed your calling.

I'm like, what? She goes, you should have been a nurse. She goes, you're good at taking care of people. I was like, thanks, fucking crazy lady. I'm terrified that something's going to happen. You know, I'm like holding you like a a feeble like i was so scared that god forbid if i showed up and something went wrong it would all be my fault i remember when she was she'd have a real hard time walking where people would walk with her little we missed two flights

in miami because of this little shuffle yeah i remember when that first started happening. Mitch, you want to get in the cart? I'm not a cripple. Two flights. Slowly. She just didn't want you to take care of her that way. Well, she wouldn't get on those airport, you sit in the car. And I'm like, what's the big deal? It's going that way.

Yeah, she wanted to walk. She's not a cripple and she would just slowly she never gave up she fought every second of that it's pretty impressive i always say she's the most important um figure in comedy outside of comedians ever i like that i agree don't you think i do i do but i'm biased so yeah i'm a little biased yeah Yeah, but you're right. It's like even if I wasn't biased and I definitely am biased, it's still right. Who else outside of comedy has had more of an impact on comedy than Mitzi Shore? And her genuine love for it is really what takes her over the top for me because she did love the true craft of it yeah and you know she also reinforced it in us yeah the nurturing it and and pushing you to be better

all the time like you said following martin lawrence to bring it back to that following like she would put lineups in a certain way because she knew people needed to grow a certain way. She literally knew what people needed, or at least in her eyes, thought they need it. And sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't. Sometimes it went really wrong. There's no way it works every single time. It's impossible. You'd have to spend so much time with that person.

But she had instincts. She had instincts. She had some wild instincts. And then she had instincts she had some wild instincts and then she had real instincts and i mean look we're sitting here talking about sam kinnison because and andrew dykes clay nobody would have put them on the andrew and sam never never oh no joseph i spilled coffee yeah it's true it's 100 true nobody would have taken the shot on those guys. Well, they wouldn't have thought of what those guys were doing the same way like the Rodney specials illuminated it.

Yeah. Because everybody had this idea that everything had to be like a Tonight Show spot. Everything had to be like a spot on Letterman. Yeah. I mean, that was the big thing. Everything had to be like a spot on Letterman. Yeah. I mean, that was the big thing.

Before HBO came along and HBO started doing uncensored comedy, like every comedian, let's think about it this way, like legitimately, other than Pryor, who released a lot of stuff in films, right? Like Live in the Sunset Strip was in the movie theaters. Richard Pryor wanted. I think that was also, I think Richard Pryor, I think a lot of them, they released as movies, which you gotta be, I mean,

how many fucking dudes get to do that? Stand up movie. Yeah, I think it's only like Pryor, Dice, Eddie Murphy. Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart. Yeah. Yeah, there's a few, a small handful. Cosby, there's a few, a small handful.

But you gotta be like in this elite of elite and then hbo came around and hbo started doing these like rodney dangerfield um specials where you got to see dice we got to see dom rosanne yeah rosanne i mean lenny clark lenny clack yeah i mean so so many great comics uh Robert Schimmel Dom Irera Dom Irera Dom Irera Dom Irera was one of the first guys that I ever paid to see that I became friends with I love that I think the first yeah you told me that the other night I was so excited yeah I told you the other night that Dom and I met well I did his uh he had a thing on Showtime and it was the full frontal or

yeah I think that was it. And so I did a spot on that and then I met him and I was like wow, I just did a show with Don Marrera. I was like oh, this is crazy. And then I was at Amsterdam Billiards back when it was actually on the west side in New York City. It was at Amsterdam, real Amsterdam.

And I used to go there all the time for I would go there for tournaments, I would go there for games, I would go there to play time for, I would go there for tournaments. I would go there for games. I would go there to play with friends. I would go there like after shows. And I went there after shows like just to see if any of my friends were there to play with. Just my pool player friends. So it was like a totally different world of friends.

I had my stand-up comedian friends. Then I had my pool player friends. I don't know why I'm saying friends. I like all of it though. I blame the whiskey. But anyway, I go there and Dom is there. And Dom was playing by himself. I'm like, you play pool?

And he's like, yeah. I'm like, let's play pool. Like, Dom actually could play. But he could actually play. Like, a lot of guys, like, pretend they can play pool. Don't I know it. And then you play with them. And you're like, you don't really know how to play pool, huh?

There's levels to it. And then you play with them and you're like, you don't really know how to play pool, huh? There's levels to it. It's a weird game. There's levels to this shit. You know who plays really good? Who? Kevin Hart's brother. Oh, really? Kevin Hart has a brother that's a legitimate professional pool player.

Those are North Philly kids. I believe it. No, I mean legit. Yeah, I believe it. See if you can find, there's a video of Kevin Hart's brother playing pool. I'm sorry. I forgot his name. Because I texted Kevin about it. I go, hey, man. Listen, I've been playing pool my whole life Hart's brother playing pool. I'm sorry. I forgot his name. Because I texted Kevin about it.

I go, hey, man, listen, I've been playing pool my whole life. Your brother is legit. Rob Hart. Rob Hart. Rob Hart. Like legit professional pool player. Like he plays like you watch. There's levels that guys reach.

It's almost like a black belt in jujitsu. Like, oh, that guy could submit anybody. Like you watch him play. He plays like a real professional you watch him you're like pools were giant play in philly yeah i don't know how old rob is you you have we had willie moscone's in our neighborhood came from philly yeah yeah yeah that was on oregon avenue we used to greatest pool players that's ever walked the face of the christmas day yeah you don't beat that we had the best time in that place. Yeah, Philly was always

a spot for pool. I took some road trips with my friend Johnny. We would go down to Philly to play. Does Kevin's brother play professionally? Yeah.

Oh, okay, he does. Yeah, no, he's like really legit. I like that. Scooch ahead

and watch him play. Scooch. Scooch. Such a cute word. You scooch your men. That's on him. I know, but he's...

Jesus Christ, this fat white guy keeps beating word. You scooch a man. That's on him. I know, but he's... I hope he's... Oh, Jesus Christ. This fat white guy keeps beating him. There he is. Right there. That's him. That's him. See, like, when you watch him play, like, legitimately, like, I watch a lot of...

Oh, wow. That is the thing I watch on YouTube more than anything is professional pool matches. It sounds, like, pretty lame, but that's my life no it doesn't i've watched some trick shots i've done stuff like that i like trick shots don't say that again why it's not pool no no no i mean just for fun like a lot like whoa stop watching that they're communists they're communists so not pool that is no i mean i know but my brother billy i told you he used to do that like as a goof like just to show off kind of a thing but then he could really play i know that's not the actual playing but it's just something don't bring it up

you can't ever bring up trick shots you know i'm not afraid of you it's hysterical they're not pool i know it's not pool i'm saying that that to you. Trick shots is, look at me. Yeah, I'm saying that. I'm saying it's separate. Doesn't work that way. Jamie, move that table so I can fight you. Car wheels? Oh, car wheels.

She's trying to do car wheels. What me and my little sister argue, my mom has a coffee table. Can you play pool? Not at all? That doesn't make any sense. I wasn't that great. I just didn't focus on it. But you grew up in Philly. I know, but my brother Billy's really good. coffee table can you play pool not at all that doesn't make any sense i wasn't that great i just didn't focus on it i know but my brother billy's really good like he would play he would hustle

people um my nephew jimmy's good he beat billy the other so that was when you say he would hustle but he pretend he wasn't as good as he was yes in philadelphia and then take money. Isn't that a funny thing that that pisses people off? Come on. It's like a play on ego. It should be like completely celebrated. Like a real hustler. Yeah, but not real, not those people down there. No.

I know, but isn't it funny that someone who can, think about this. Pool is so macho. It's such a dumb macho game that it's the only game where it's regularly known that people will pretend they're not as good as they are. Right. So they can trick you into playing with them. Trick shots.

Anyway. They trick you into playing with them and then when they trick you, then they steal all your money. Because they're better than they pretend they are. But you think that you're better than them. That's the right but you think that you're better than them that's the problem the problem is you fucking suck the problem is not that this guy hustled you you are literally blaming some guy who exposed you're a fucking idiot that's right you should know you suck at pool and you should stay out of pool halls pool halls well you shouldn't be you shouldn't be mad

if someone tricks you yeah you gotta just take it there's that is you should just take it but it's analogous to life there's there's like a metaphor in there somewhere is that the pool player who like pretends that he sucks okay and steals all the money from all these fucking idiots is a great actor that really think that they can beat someone even though they should know that they suck. The protecting them, that is the worst option. The worst option is to protect the delusional from the predatory but yet still completely legal

and by the rules player. Well, I can't believe I'm winning. This is crazy. I just keep winning. I love all those. And you're like, fuck you, man. Fuck, let's one more game. Fucking double or nothing.

Double or nothing, sir. Let's go double or nothing. And people will be mad at that guy. Right? I just love watching you. Yes, this is great. This is great. People shouldn't be mad at that guy. Right? I just love watching you. Yes, this is great. This is great. People shouldn't be mad at that guy.

You can't be mad at the guy who tricked you. No. Not in that sense. No, you got tricked. You should know you suck at pool, stupid. You suck at pool, and you're not going to make it in life, so you might as well take it here. But here's the thing. It's not like anybody's actually robbing you.

It's not like anybody's actually stopping you from making a shot. It's not like anybody's ever stopping you from winning. But you let a person win a couple games, and then you double down, double down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You trick them into thinking that they don't suck. You should know if you suck. Jamie, this makes sense, right? Yeah, I'm trying to figure out why someone got mad at that

or when it started or what the basis of it was. Dude, there's a scene in The Hustler. It's a world-famous scene where Paul Newman- Have you ever seen that? Paul Newman, he hustles these guys in a nine-ball game and they break his thumbs. And he has to go back to Piper Laurie's apartment. Wouldn't have gone back into the days of like archery back in the day.

Like I can hit a target like, oh, you suck at target shooting. Like watch me. Yeah, you're right. I do suck, but I can beat you. And then they beat each other in that. Well, it's the only thing that's the problem is that that person's playing on the other man's ego. So the only thing that's the problem.

When was the last time you heard about a girl getting pool hustled? Oh had a friend that did it yeah but you don't hear about girls good yeah that's not what i'm saying you're not listening i'm sorry a girl getting hustled like a girl getting tricked into thinking that she's better than she is and she gets robbed by the guy that's not i see what you're saying yeah yeah it's guys that get hustled right so so guys are stupid they don't like the fact that someone played a game on them and made them think that they're better than they are yeah wow you're fucking great man i mean i'll play you one more time but i don't think i can ever beat you and the guy's like yeah i don't think you will beat me let's go double or nothing and then eventually this fucking pool hustler tricks his dummy.

Dummy? And takes all his money. Why is it called sandbagging? Sandbagging is setting somebody up. That's a good question. Oh, you mean why is it? Does it come from? That's a good question. I've used that term.

That's a jujitsu term, like where a guy was like a blue belt, but he really should have been a purple belt a long time ago. And he's still competing as a blue belt. We call it sandbagging. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like you're pretending you're not as good as you really are. Where does that come from? I don't know. I always say sandbagging.

Or a guy would be like a black belt in some kind of karate. And then he'd come over to Taekwondo and fight in tournaments and fight as a white belt and fuck people up. There was a few guys like that. They would do that like judo black belts. They would fight as a white belt in Brazilian people up. There was a few guys like that. They would do that like judo black belts who would be like, they would fight as a white belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. They were a black belt in judo

so they would be like ridiculously strong and throwing people around and like armbar and choke them. It's amazing. But it's sandbagging. Have you heard of a lemonade stroke? I'm sorry? For pool?

Yeah. Is this a porn? I don't know if it's a pool term or a golf term. Does that mean like when you're pretending you suck? Like you throw lemons? Yeah, I guess. There's a thing in pool called lemon talk.

And lemon talk is like you talk like a lemon. Like you talk like you don't really know how to play. Sour? Like my friend Johnny, who is like a legit pool hustler, had lemon talk. And he would talk lemon talk like, hey, can you throw me that fucking chalk over here? You know, I got to shoot a ball with the side spin. Like you would say things like they were a little off. Right.

Like where no one, people knew that you weren't really a player. They're like, oh, he doesn't even know what he's talking about. So one level of it comes from, it is cheating when you're doing a handicap. If there's some sort of league or tournament where people are trying to make it fair. So sandbagging can be cheating in that form, but it still doesn't say where it comes from. Right, if you have a licensed handicap. Yeah.

But it also happens in chess and Scrabble tournaments. Of course. If you're sandbagging in Scrabble tournaments. That's to say that people cheat across the board. Well, that's the inherent fear that people have about people that get to choose their own gender competing and sprinting and shit. Like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you doing?

That's also a term in law. I wanted to be a boy. That's a bad. Sandbagging. Some sort of contract. Suing for a breach of contractual representation or warranty despite having known at the time the contract was unsure. So like a lot coming at you at once? Well, what is the definition of sandbagging?

I mean, I did it. Doesn't give you a clear one? No, it's because it's given me like barricade using sandbags and... It's a mystery. Right. It's like barricading. So you're like trapping them, I thought. But it's also, it's like it hasn't been defined enough.

It's a term that everybody uses. But we don't really know what it means. But it hasn't been defined by the normies enough. There we go. Maybe it's something that we... It's a slang. It's a slang. I saw a thing the other day.

If you use the term normies, you might be a terrorist. Like, it might be a domestic terrorist. You got to keep an eye on people. No. But normies is bad. You could be a... I don't know. A lot of people say normies.

All right. Entomologists believe it starts with poker from the so you pretend you have a bag of gold but you have to actually have a bag of sand you would refrain from raising at the first opportunity in hopes of raising later and it also is a a bully or ruffian who uses a sandbag as a weapon to knock his intended victim unconscious so oh some sort of mixture of that. Either way, it's a fun. The poker one seems like a strategy.

That doesn't make any sense. That seems completely legit. I've lost the rules. It kind of might be bullshit. There are ways in poker where if you skip the first raise, you're out. Yeah, because they can call you like you could have. There used to be a thing with pool. You had ratings if you played for various leagues.

Like depending upon, like when you would play with somebody, like if you and I would play, like every time you missed, I would mark things down. Every time you made a ball, I'd mark things down. Every time you won a game, I'd mark things down. And then overall, they had some sort of algorithm. They calculated it up. They gave you a rating. I forget how the numbers worked.

But like you would have X rating. I would have Y rating and you know, whatever the number were. And, uh, some people would miss on purpose. So they get a lower and lower and lower rating, but they were really good players. And people had this feeling they were kind of cheating on purpose. So they could set up better gambling and they could set up so that if they, like, if you had a lower score than my, say if you and I met in the finals of a pool tournament and my rating was higher than yours, I might have to give you games on the wire. So if it's like we're going to seven games,

maybe you only have to go to five, but I have to go to seven. Okay. So I have to win seven games. You only have to win five games. Okay. And some people would like miss on purpose was the theory to get to the most

people just sucked if they were like all right but if they some people who were good who were like sneaky fucks would miss on purpose to rack but still win but miss so much their number would be like real real real low and then that would enable them to win big tournaments. They would make money. It was a weird theory, but it was just that people, they don't like being tricked. They don't like being tricked into thinking you're not as good as you are. You're pretending you're not as good as you really are. They don't like that, but I think that that should be a part of the game. It's like comedy. So many people pretend they're better than they are.

And we have to deal with them. Do you have to pee? No, do you? No. I'm okay. I'm just checking to see if you do. Do you want me to? Let's see if you're ready to crack. It's old.

It's fucked. This podcast is, it's 522 PM. Well, it is right now. Chill. It's just, I didn't even promote my album. I came here to promote my album. We've known each other forever. This is how fluid our conversations are.

God damn it. There it is. Hello, Kelligan. Hello, Kelligan. Hello, Kelligan. Look at that. Ladylike. How exciting.

Ladylike. And that's available where? Everywhere now. Apple, Pandora, Amazon. Yeah. Everything. I did it with the lap button people, the 800-pound gorilla people. Where did you record this?

At Uncle Vinny's in Jersey. Oh, nice jersey because like during the pandemic have you done there no it's it's small but like during the pandemic it's so much fun yeah yeah i've done it with joey a couple times but um during the pandemic they were like who who could come out who wants to come out to 30 people and perform and i'm like i will hey i will so like all my dates that got pushed like the money got cut in half but i still went to most of the places because it was like 30 people it was fun you know it's like a comedy store late night so i wound up doing it and then these people came to me and i said yeah let's do an album don't you think that like when you're doing stand up in front of small groups of people it's like you're

almost being subjected to a truth test 100 you find out if the jokes are sloppy sure or how much they're they're shitty the way you're describing it is clunky yeah when small groups of people they feel it and especially it was a weird part in june i did this uh kansas city club it's called the comedy club in kansas city and they were spread out and only like 30 people so it was like are they hearing me like i proposed and they were just looking at me like it was hard but i got them but it took a minute because i hadn't been on stage since march if they the same group of people just been up close have been fine right maybe yeah at least you could see them but when they're over in the corner it was weird in the middle we had to spread them out but it was because we were still

in the height of the pandemic last june i get it but i think that um i'm thinking about with the club that i open up here having one night a week where the showroom is limited to 20 people. I like that. It's challenging. Two more people can come in if two people leave. But that's it. 20 max. 20 max for the room.

Because there's a benefit to that. Because if you're doing stand-up to only your friend. Like I got this new joke I'm working on. And then while you're telling them, you're like you're like oh no this isn't funny to you it's the best and worst feeling like last night i went up at the vulcan and it was a small crowd and i was just like okay that didn't work okay let's try this you know and it was fun though it was a workout like i got off feeling like I really worked. Right.

And I did. But I got some new tags, maybe. But I didn't. But you're doing something. It helps you grow. It helps you grow. You're doing something unusual. Yeah. And Uncle Vinny's crowds are small, and it's a real intimate place.

And they come out judgment intact. You know, it's Jersey, man. Jersey you know jersey man i mean you can hear kind of fucking jokes at ease yeah you can hear people yelling like boo i hate that shit like if i bring up a topic you're like fuck and i told dice like uh the first night a fight broke out and he goes oh so you're just stealing day the laughter dies and i'm like no i'm just telling you this is how bad people were locked up and they could finally come out how is his bells pausing is it better it's way better it got way better he we're probably into the sixth week i think now so it he says he got it from like like this. On his fist?

He fell asleep on his hand because he hated the pillow. If I do the bit, he'll say, you stole my bit. His pillow's an asshole. Please. He has a whole fight going with the MyPillow guy. Anyway, because the pillow was really bad. So he used his fist. And then the next morning, he woke up and he's's like there's something wrong like my lip feels funny and i showed you the video where he's like he's like blowing it he

couldn't he's like something's happening and we did two shows that night and it the next day it got significantly worse and then he went to the doctors in new York. They said it was fine. You know, they checked him for everything. They said that it wasn't, you know, because he did get vaccinated, but it was a while ago. So it's not from that. Everybody keeps asking because usually people that get vaccinated and something like that happens, it happens within the first couple of days. And he had been vaccinated for months at this point. Well, Dom got it, too, way before the vaccine. Bell's palsy has been around.

Yeah, it just happens sometimes to people. Dom got it. My little sister got it. I'm not a doctor, but if you sleep on your hand, I would imagine that would not be good for the nerves. Yeah, he said it was like this. Yeah, you're choking yourself out. Yeah, because he was fighting with the pillow. Dyson's trying to kill himself.

He's trying to kill himself with his own knuckles. Bite your tongue. Yeah, he's so nuts. Oh! Every time I get off stage working with him, he'll go, that was ladylike.

That's why I call the album Ladylike. That's perfect. That's perfect. Yeah. There's a long ass podcast and Jamie's gonna pee in his pants. Jamie?

I'll get it. Can't you piss in a bottle? I can. I'm kidding. I'd be stealing from Ari. Yeah, Ari. Milk jugs. Does Ari really piss in a bottle? I'm kidding. I'd be stealing from Ari. Milk jugs. Does Ari really piss in a bottle? A hundred percent.

He's sickening. Many times. How many times? At least four. He's filled four to five bottles up here. I've thrown two of them away. Yeah. Yeah.

He had to throw out Jamie's. Jamie had to throw out Ari's piss. He's got to get his prostate checked. He brought his own bottle. And then they advertised about that bottle on Instagram. I saw the company that made the bottle. They showed, oh, this bottle's making an appearance. This bottle holds piss.

No, they didn't. RSP. Look at me. Yes, they did. Yes, they did. Whoever made that fucking bottle that Ari had on that podcast made an Instagram post about Ari using it. Maybe they did.

Maybe a friend did. Whoever did it. Good they did. Maybe a friend did. Whoever did it. Good advice. Someone did. That's so funny. Someone did. Someone made it about the fact that, you know what? I should be clear.

Maybe the company's not really thrilled that Ari pissed in their body. There was a promoted post, though, about it. Was there? That's what you're saying. Someone did it. No, a post. Yeah, yeah. Not promoted.

He's putting words in my mouth. He's trying to get me sued. I misunderstood what you were saying. How long have we been going? I thought you said you saw an ad. Four or five hours. I just meant someone. Not promoted. He's putting words in my mouth. He's trying to get me sued. I misunderstood what you were saying. How long have we been going? I thought you said you saw an ad. Four or five hours. I just meant someone. Shut up.

Someone peed in a thermos. It was Ari Shaffir. That thermos apparently was mentioned in an Instagram post that I saw. Got it. I was just saying anybody could have made an ad saying that. It could be by a fake employee. It could be by a fan of the things. Got it.

I love that. Eleanor, you're the shit. Thank you. Thanks for coming. For having me. How much fun? I'm excited. This is so much fun.

So much fun. We should have promoted the album at the beginning. Do you think people are going to watch the whole thing? I'm kidding. It's great. And shout out to Rick Ingram. Ricky Ingram. Co-host of the Comedy Store Podcast.

Yeah. We haven't done it in a while. When are you headed back to LA? I'm headed back actually tomorrow for like one day, but then I got to go. I'm doing Chicago, the Arcadia Theater with Dice next week. And then I'm headlining Atlantic City

at the Celebrity Theater. Yeah. At the Claridge, you know that hotel? It's old. It's fun though. And then back to Uncle Vinny's to headline again at the end of September.

So best way to find out where you're at, what you're doing is. Eleanor J. Kerrigan. I'm trying to get my website fixed. Is the Twitter. Twitter, all that stuff. Twitter, Instagram. Eleanor J. Kerrigan, Instagram, everything. E.J. Kerrigan, Eleanor J.

Whatever you want. Just look up. Just put Kerrigan but not Nancy. Don't fuck around. Easy rider. Easy rider. Bye everybody. And the twins. Eleanor J whatever you want just look up just put Kerrigan but not Nancy don't fuck around easy rider easy rider bye everybody and the twins bye

thank you