The Joe Rogan Experience - #1729 - Gilbert Gottfried

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

Gilbert Gottfried is a standup comedian, actor, author, and host, along with Frank Santopadre, of ”Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast!” available on Spotify.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day hello gilbert oh hello it's a pleasure to finally meet you i can't believe i haven't met you yeah it's kind of wild that yeah i don't think yeah i don't think we've ever met no it's uh we just must have just missed each other at every club. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of crazy. Yes, and we haven't even run into each other at the morning radio stations. No, nothing.

Where I'll usually run into comics. Yeah. You know, doing like Captain Bob and Crazy Jim and his morning zoo. Yeah, those are a lot of fun. Are those around anymore? You still do those things? Is radio totally dead now? It's not dead, but it's definitely on life support.

Yeah. It's just they're censored. And it's local. It's only a small round of range, unless you're on satellite radio. And satellite radio and satellite radio is kind of odd too because there's the internet you can't really you know satellite radio is it's hard for them to compete with the internet so uh radios on life support and movies are on life support movies are doing good apparently yeah people are going to the movies these reckless

young folks they don't give a fuck about diseases. Yeah. No, I think even before, even before like it was the pandemic, movies, you know, it got to that point where it's like a movie would be in theaters and also at home on TV. So people, I think movies are going to go the way of vaudeville. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. I really think so. But people like to go out.

Oh, yeah. They like to go out to a comedy show. Yeah. I hope they keep liking that. Do you think we'll ever get to a point where there's going to be virtual comedy clubs where you'll be at home and you'll be watching stand up in an audience? You'll feel like you're in an audience like you'll you'll feel like you're in an audience because you're watching them live like you'll be able to buy a ticket for like

zanies at 8 p.m on friday but you'll be able to watch it from home so you could sit in your underwear and watch i i i think so i could say i mean already like I did a show on the Internet, and other people have done stand-up on the Internet during the pandemic. And it shows you really—so they could put it—and I think they could put in an audience there with you. Well, I think they're doing stuff like that now, you'll have like John Heffron was doing this before. Do you know John Heffron? I probably have spoken to him 500 times and don't remember him. Very funny guy. Yes.

Anyway, John, before the pandemic was doing these corporate gigs where they would bring him to a place and he would stand in front of an array of screens like 30 or 40 screens and he would do his act and you could see the people their faces like they were audience members oh so i yeah yeah i definitely could see that happening the same uh i here's something i wonder. Are they ever going to build, like they make animatronic people, or what's it called when it's half animatronic and half person? Cyborg. Cyborg. Are there ever going to be, I'm sure they will have it, cyborg hookers. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

It'll probably be more robot hookers because people will still be concerned about an actual biological human who's a hooker. Yeah. Which is odd. You know who no one gives a fuck about? Male hookers. No. No one's trying to protect male hookers. No. Nothing. Not at all. They could all get killed. It's like...

It's true. Yeah. As long as they're adults. Yeah. Grown adult men. No one gives a shit about like a 40 year old male hooker. Oh God. Yeah. As long as they're adults, grown adult men, no one gives a shit about a 40-year-old male hooker. Oh, God, yeah. No sympathy. Yeah, you don't even want to think about a male hooker. But it's like the guy gets no sympathy. None.

A 40-year-old woman who's walking the street is sad. Yes. A 40-year-old guy looking to suck dicks for a little extra money. Literally, no one feels bad for him. See, so I think we should have more sympathy for guys who suck dicks for women. Or we should have an even amount of sympathy. We always feel more sympathetic to women who are down and out. Women, homeless people, I feel bad for. I remember they once did an – they once – on TV, they once filmed – they had a hidden camera by an air pump at a gas station.

And they'd have like a pretty girl show up with her bicycle and go, I don't know how to operate this thing. I'm all confused. And a million guys would run over. Oh, oh, it's okay. This is very complicated. Let me do it for you. And then they'd have a guy with a bicycle say, I don't know, and they'd say, what are you, an asshole?

Men don't get your break, Gilbert. No. It's horrible. No. It's no sad out there but it is true because the guys are probably trying to fuck the woman yes or at least get her to like them because men like it when women like us and um i remember one time sitting in like it was like a bus or a train terminal, and there was some pretty girl there with her dog. And I thought, boy, it's amazing how many guys at this terminal are curious what kind of dog that is and what kind of pet it makes. Every guy was like, oh, what a nice dog. Yeah, it's such every guy was like oh what a nice dog what kind of yeah it's a trick

yeah and like guys with puppies that's why they get puppies they get puppies to get the opposite yes so the women yes oh my god so cute so cute especially guys like a little puppy oh oh forget it puppy yes something like that it's a trap it's a trap how many guys actually get puppies just so the women pay attention to them oh a lot i'm yeah for sure yeah i'm sure and then when they don't wind up getting laid they kill the puppy or they bring it to the bound yes yeah or they give it to a friend they try to give it to a girl. Yeah. And then she still won't fuck them.

Sad times. Sad times. So how has the pandemic treated you? How have you handled it? Did you get COVID? No. No. Did you get vaccinated?

No. Knock wood. Yeah. I got the two regular shots, and I even got the booster. And everything's fine? You're good to go? Yeah, yeah. I knock wood 5,000 times. Yeah, knock on some wood for you.

Now, did you get it? I got COVID. Yeah. And how was that? Not bad. Yeah. So do you recommend it? No, I don't recommend it.

No, it's definitely dangerous it's uh i recommend you being as healthy as possible but uh when i got it i got good treatment and i was better in a couple days oh good yeah yeah because uh i i just remember when that when it was going full force. And you couldn't watch a TV show. Everything was reports on it. And it would be like, oh, it's doing better this week. It's only 500,000 dead. And so that was scary. Well, it was real scary in New York City, right?

Like New York City, everybody's on top of each other, which facilitates that kind of spread. Yeah. And yeah. But as far as me and vaccines, I would get three vaccines a week if they said that was. How long did you wait before you did sets again? It wasn't that far from now. I mean, it was, you know, a couple – six months ago. So you waited like a year or so?

Yeah, yeah. No comedy for a year? Over a year. Where was that? I did – I went back and I did Caroline's in New York. And it's so funny how rusty you do get. Yeah. Because when I was doing it all the time, it's like, you know.

Normal. Yeah. Wake me up at 3 o'clock in the morning and I will do my whole set on the phone to you. And now it was like I was up there, first of all, thinking, is this really what I do for a living? Right. Yeah. It's like so all of a sudden, this isn't normal. Yeah.

You know, I'm up here saying dumb dumb shit and people are laughing and clapping their hands and then i feel bad if i say dumb shit and then not clapping their hands you know ron white oh yes yeah ron went about uh i think he went eight months without doing it and we did a show in austin and before we did a show in austin he's like well I'm basically retired I'm just gonna fucking play golf and hang out I guess I'm done with comedy I had a good time but I mean fuck this I mean I'm busy and then we were gonna do a show

here at Vulcan Vulcan Gas Company on 6th Street and Ron decided to do a set and he prepared went over his material went up and absolutely fucking annihilated just destroyed and then he gets off stage and he grabs, went over his material, went up, and absolutely fucking annihilated, just destroyed. And then he gets off stage and he grabs me by both shoulders. He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do to keep doing this,

we're going to do this. He goes, I'm back, baby. Like he just got a jolt of reemergence. But people, like a lot of us had kind of settled. I didn't do Stand Up for like six months. A lot of us had kind of settled into this thing where we weren't doing comedy anymore. Like, OK, this is just regular life. I could deal with that.

Yeah. I was thinking, too, the same thing. Like, I'm home. I'm on the couch. I'm watching TV. This isn't so terrible. Yeah. As long as I've got my health and my TV works.

as I've got my health and my TV works. And so the idea of packing my suitcase and going to the airport and all that, like going through security and the masks and the fucking fear. Yes, yes. And so, yeah, I was quite comfortable not doing it. And then when I got back, it's like, oh, also, I'd be on stage. And now it's starting to come back. But I was on stage first couple of times. And it was like, I'm sure I have more material in this. I can't think of other bits that I do. And this bit that I'm doing right now, I think it had a funny line at this part. You don't remember it?

Yeah, yeah. Isn't it funny? If you do a lot of stand-up and you don't write your act out, you don't know what you said. Yes. Unless you have recordings. Do you have recordings of any of your sets? Only specials and stuff. I record everything on my phone.

Oh. The voice notes, which is nice because then I have a whole catalog of all the sets that I did, which is so easy to do. I've never done that. I've never recorded. You have an iPhone? I have some kind of phone. You don't know what kind of phone you have? I don't.

I'll just show you my phone. You have to show it to me. That's hilarious. I think that's an iPhone. Yeah, there you go. Oh, okay. So I have an iPhone. Yeah, so you have voice notes on that thing.

Yeah. I mean, and it's like, okay, here's something that I find really odd in doing comedy is there are some bits that you do that are your killer bits. Those are the ones you could be bombing the whole night, pull that one out, and the crowd goes nuts and the room is shaking. And do you ever have a bit that just goes away? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With no warning.

I'll have these bits where I'm like, uh-oh, here I better hold on to something because uh because the you know the walls will crash down though it's gonna be so much reaction and then I do it and nothing yep and then I do it a bunch of more times and still nothing it just like the bit gets up and walks away from go away and it's it's weird it's like I never know if it's my engagement with it like maybe I'm not so enthusiastic about it anymore and the audience can tell maybe the time for the bit is just gone like maybe it's only time relevant you know it's only relevant to like three months ago and now no one gives a shit about the topic anymore yeah because i'll i'll have it where yeah and same thing like i'll go uh oh you know maybe i'll i'll just give it a you know louder heavier hit for the punch line or the middle

section yeah or faster or slower and it's like no they just go away they They go away. Sometimes bits do. Sometimes bits go away. It's interesting. It's like sometimes you'll have a bit in one show and it'll crush. And then the next show, you say it the exact same way and it won't work. Yes. Yeah. It's okay. Old joke.

Comedian's in his hotel room. and there's a knock on the door. He opens the door. A gorgeous girl is standing there in the sexiest outfit. watched you and you are so funny and so exciting that I got so turned on I want to come in there and fuck you and suck your dick like it's never been sucked before and the comic says let me ask you something was this the first show or the second? Exactly. You'll have one flubbed line that'll haunt you for the rest of the night. Yeah, and it is like the difference between first and second, it's like you don't know. One, it could be tremendous. And the other one, it'll be like, you know, I fooled them long enough and I shouldn't be in this business.

Are you working the road now? Are you doing the road these days? More and more, yeah. Yeah. I'm going back to flying and whatever. You moved out of the city. Yeah, I'm in Florida now. What is that like?

You're a lifetime New Yorker, right? Yeah. So now I'm going where Jews go to die. What part of Florida are you in? In Boca Raton. Real Florida. Yeah, real In Boca Raton. Real Florida. Yeah, real heavens waiting for you. What is it like down there?

The heat is intolerable. And, oh, in Aladdin, there was a line in the original song when they sing Arabian Nights where he sings, where they cut off your nose if they don't like your face. It's barbaric, but hey, it's home. That was the line in the original line in it. And they had to change that. And they changed it to where the land is immense and the heat is intense. It's barbaric.

Yeah, yeah. So the original Aladdin, was it a musical? Yeah. What was it, the movie? No, the one that I was in, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it a musical? Yeah. What was it, the movie? No, the one that I was in, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it had songs in it. But the song, was it an old song?

No, they had written it. Oh. It was a funny line. And they had it cut out? Yeah, yeah. And I remember they had the Aladdin TV show for a while. I remember they had the Aladdin TV show for a while. And there was one part where we were being chased by a tiger.

And my character goes, he's going to eat us like kitty chow. And some woman somewhere in Ohio or Cincinnati, whatever, she complained and she said she was horrified that she was watching it with her children and I said, that tiger's going to eat us like titty chow. She actually heard it as titty chow. And she complained? Yeah. And it got all the way to you uh uh yeah why didn't someone tell her hey it's it's kitty chow shut the fuck up yeah yeah and then that would be the end who brought it to you uh they they well i found out because they

re-recorded it to make it sound more like kitty it yeah yeah where it's like oh he's gonna eat us like kitty chow oh how annoying it's kind of like oh the uh in in uh the opening of all in the family there was that one line that nobody knew. And that line was, G-R-O LaSalle ran great. Yeah. What is that? Yeah, and it was an old car, LaSalle. Oh, our old LaSalle ran great. Our old La lasalle ran great our old lasalle ran great and so when when you heard that you always just heard those were the games and so they they re-recorded it in the next season

to g r old-L ran great. Look at this fucking, these lyrics. Guys like me, we had it made. Those were the days. Didn't need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know the whole song.

Look at these little lines, though. Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. People seemed to be content. $50 paid the rent. Freaks were in the circus tent those were the days see but you know the freaks were in the circus tent they didn't sing in the tv show but there is a recording of sammy davis jr singing the opening of uh of uh all in the family really like yeah was he an option at one point

in time? Like he was going to be the singer? Well, it's like, I don't know. I guess they wanted to maybe release it but they didn't. But there is a recording of him singing that. Wow. Where it's like

Frank's wearing a circus tank. Look at this right there yeah look at him with a big stogie where's the lyrics Go and watch the Dodgers win. Have yourself a dandy day that cost you under a fin. Hair was short and skirts were long. Kate Smith really grooved the song. I don't know where we went wrong.

Those were the days. Those were the days. Isn't it funny that every generation complains about the direction the new generation is going in? Because if we go back to 1970 and we look at it, we go, oh, my God, look how crazy life was back then. Yes. So simple. They're looking at, like, the 1950s going, oh, those were the days. Yeah.

Like every generation does it. Oh, I'm sure in like 1403. Remember back when nobody was a robot? Oh, yes, yes. Yeah. Remember back when we couldn't read minds? Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what they're going to say.

Remember when we had just five fingers on each hand? Remember when there was no genetic engineering and everybody had regular-sized dicks? Yeah. Remember before when you lost a limb, you couldn't grow a new one? Yeah, that's what they're going to say. Remember back before people were immortal? That's what's going to happen. Oh, and Sammy also sang a recording of Hawaii Five-O. Really?

Yeah, where it's like, oh, something like, If you're in trouble, gotta call Five-O. He will be there on the double when you call 5-0. Did you ever see him perform live? No. I would have loved to have seen Sinatra, Sammy David. I would have loved to have seen the Rat Pack live. That would have been interesting.

I saw, because a friend of mine knew how to sneak into this one theater, and I saw, it wasn't the whole Rat Pack, but Frank and Dean. You saw them? Yeah. Wow, what year was this? Yeah, oh God, years ago. Yeah. Would he die in the 80s?

When did he die? I think so. Yeah, in the 80s, I think. Yeah, I don't remember, but obviously I never got a chance to see him. And I remember, too. 98? got a chance to see him. And I remember too. 98? Oh, 98. Oh, interesting. He was on like, oh, I think the Grammy show, and he started to make a speech, and then they cut to a commercial, and everybody was outraged about this. And, you know, Billy Joel mentioned it and everybody. And then they said that Frank, during the speech, started to ramble.

Oh, he's getting older? Yeah. Yeah. He was Joe Biden-ing it. Yeah. That's the medical. It's a verb. Yeah.

Joe Biden-ing is a verb. That poor guy. I mean, I didn't vote for him, but I feel bad for him. It's like watching this happen. It's just so sad. Oh, another thing. On my podcast, Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. Available everywhere. Yeah. And we had on some, like, expert on Columbo, and that brought back – remember that footage of Peter Falk?

There was this footage, like somebody on people's phones. He was, like, you know, roaming through through the street his clothes looked more ragged than colombo's and his pot belly was hanging out of his shirt and he he looked like a mess and and he he died of alzheimer's i didn't see that but yeah horrible's horrible. Dementia and Alzheimer's and just watching someone deteriorate like that. That's why the Joe Biden thing is so sad because it's happening in real time and everyone's trying to pretend like it's not happening because he's the president. And no one is stepping in. If it was your grandfather, you'd be like, oh, geez, we've got to do something.

But instead, it's the president. So he fell asleep at a conference the other day. Like on TV, you see him like closing his eyes and he's got his arms crossed. He just falls asleep. It's like, come on, the poor guy. It's like, I always think when people say like, oh, you know, Belushi and Chris Farley. That's so tragic. And I'm thinking they died stoned out of their mind and in a great state, you know, just floating, just total ecstasy. And a hooker is blowing them wild there in this stone state. And that's how they died. And I'm thinking, okay, what about these people, Alzheimer's, MS, Parkinson's,

all these horrible things where after a while people are just wired up to machines. Yeah. Everybody goes, but just how do you go? Do you want to, like, drag it out where your body's, like, literally deteriorating before your eyes. Yes. That's what you're seeing a lot in Boca Raton. Oh, yeah.

Right? In your new neighborhood? And the one I felt bad for the most was Annette Funicello. Oh, I didn't see that. Well, they didn't really show her so much, but it was that she had something like one of those diseases that cripples you and where you're still alive, but, you know, after a while you can't blink your eyes. Oh, Jesus. And she lived for years with that.

And I always think of that line in Dracula. To die, to be really dead, must be glorious. There are far worse things

awaiting man than death. Was that Boris Karloff? Who did? Oh, that was Bela Lugosi. Bela Lugosi, that's right. Boris Karloff was Frankenstein. Frankenstein. Okay.

Boris Karloff was Frankenstein and the Mummy. Bela Lugi was Dracula, but he also played Frankenstein in one movie. And Frankenstein meets the Wolfman. Ah. And Lon Chaney Jr. played all the monsters. Did he? He was most famous for the Wolfman.

Who else did he play? He was also Frankenstein in Ghost of Frankenstein. And he was the mummy in about three of those low-budget mummy pictures. Oh, there he is. Dracula in Son of Dracula. When you watch that old wolf, man, it is so corny. Oh, he's Dr. Jekyll as well? No. Oh, that's his father. Oh,eney senior yes yeah the original yeah i i wanted to be a makeup artist when i was a kid that's what i

wanted to do oh i wanted to do uh makeup for horror movies yeah like uh you know these these guys like lone cheney jr yeah on on, on the podcast, we interviewed Rick Baker. Yeah, Rick Baker's done the podcast. He's amazing. Yeah, he's amazing. Yeah. In my studio in L.A., I have a duplicate of The American Werewolf in London. Oh, yeah?

That greets people at the front door. Yeah. Which is one of my all-time favorite movies. I just love those movies. Oh, I did, too. I grew up love those movies. Oh, I did too. I grew up on those. And another time, Lon Chaney Jr. was Frankenstein, was in Ghost – not Ghost. He was in Ghost of Frankenstein the monster that was played by by Glenn Strange has to throw a girl out the window and and I think Glenn Strange hurt his ankle previously with this big Frankenstein boots

and so Lon Chaney was made up as the monster in that scene there's one scene where the monster throws the girl out the window and that's lon cheney jr as the monster oh he's like sub he's subbed for him yeah wow you're a fucking veritable treasure trove of information either that or fucking pathetic it's funny how many monster movies they used to make like they didn't make a lot of movies back then right there was less movies than there are today but there was a lot of them were monster movies oh yeah and and also like well like movies today with sequels they would they you after a while they would would do identical plots from one to the next with one or two scenes changed. Yeah.

But, yeah, I used to love those. And, I mean, they were the classic ones, you know, Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolfman. And then there would – I would enjoy the crappy ones too, like The Hideous Sun Demon. Yeah, there's some bad ones., like the Hideous Sun Demon. Yeah, there's some bad ones. Yeah. The Hideous Sun Demon. I've just remembered that one now that you brought it up. God, who is that?

Who's in that movie? I don't know that anyone was known except for, like, those D movies. Yeah, those were great, though. They were so dumb. There's the Hideous Sun Demon. Yes, yes. Look at that thing. Oh, oh my god that's so ridiculous oh my god look at that thing yeah it it looks like uh like they put coins get some get some video of that jamie we need to see that in video god i forgot about that

movie that's hilarious they pulled the switch rather than the Sun coming out and turning them into a monster rather than the moon that's the Sun oh it's atomic so of course that most course yeah they did a lot of those movies right after World War yeah right after here she went yeah like Godzilla was a whole. Yep. Yeah, the whole Godzilla sequence, like the Mothra and Rodan and all those different ones. It's all related to atomic weapons, right? Yes. And, oh, Gary is breaking into a building. Let me see what he looks like.

Is it playing? Oh, it's froze. It's so corny. Oh, now he's running up the stairs. It's so fake looking. It's so dumb. But still, so much fun to watch because it's so stupid. I watched the original The Thing recently.

Yes. Way before John Carpenter. The original, original one. God, it's so bad. Yeah. stupid um i watched uh the original the thing recently yes way before john carpenter the original original one god it's so bad yeah and oh and but the thing is james arnaz oh is it yeah is that desi arnaz's dad or something no j are uh james arnaz from guns uh gun smoke yeah really yeah what did the thing look like? I'm trying to remember what the thing looked like. In there, you never really saw

a clear look. You saw something hulking out and more of a silhouette. Yeah. It was corny. Yeah. But also fun.

Is that what it looked like? That was the thing? Oh, yes. See, there you could make it out. But did they show that actually in the movie like that i don't i just remember it as uh more of a silhouette i only watched like 20 minutes of it i was just laughing that's how corny it was it was just so weird that's what he looked like yeah it's kind of like frankstein. I wonder what the obsession with monsters was back then,

because that was a good percentage of the films that were made were monster movies. Maybe it was just that they were successful. There was also someone we interviewed on the podcast. I think it's David Skoll, whose theory was like from World War I, each war, like medical treatments would be more improved. So people who normally would have died were now alive with missing arms and legs and their faces. Faces shot off, yeah. And his feeling is that's what made people so fascinated with monsters

because these were like real live monsters around them. Yeah, there's a bunch of photos online of people who survived in World War II. And they survived gunshot wounds to the face and things along those lines. And there's horrific photos. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Because so many people coming back from the war that did live.

That makes sense. Yeah, it was like much nicer and prettier if the soldiers would just die. But once they live and you see what actually happens to them. The worst story I heard about the war was from World War I where the Russians and the Germans had to have a ceasefire because so many of them were getting killed by wolves that they actually joined together to kill the wolves in Russia. Jesus. Yeah. There was hundreds of wolves because what had happened is they were doing trench warfare, right?

And so a guy would get shot and he'd be in agony in the trenches and the wolves would smell the blood and the wolves would go into the trenches and eat the men alive and kill them. And so they would, guys would go on patrol and they would like find a boot with a foot still in it. And that was all that was left of them. And so they realized that these large packs of vicious wolves in Russia were just picking off soldiers from the outside. So anytime someone strayed away from the camps or strayed away from, you know, wherever they were stationed, the wolves would get them. And so they literally got together and had a ceasefire

and said, let's stop killing each other, let's kill these fucking wolves, and then we'll go back to killing each other. Yes, it's the insanity of that. So crazy. We got to make it safe for us to kill each other again. It's kind of amazing that that's a historical fact. It's a really wild story.

Also, you reminded me because we interviewed Sandler. Do you remember Sandler and Young? No. He was Belgium, so he spoke in French, and then he had an American partner, and they would sing. Were they a comedy act? No, no. They were like just a song. Singing team.

They'd be on all the variety shows. And, you know, it'd be like, oh, when the saints come marching in, oh, when the saints come marching. And then it's like, And then he'd say, and they'd sing it in American and French. And Sandler said, you know, in Belgium, of course, he was there during World War II. Oh, and he said that Nazis would take over people's houses and use them as headquarters. And he had Nazis in his house, and they were instructed,

just do everything as you normally do. Don't do anything different. And it's like, which is hard if there's fucking Nazis in your house. And he said one time he and his friends were playing and they found a boot with a footnet. Oh. Oh, and as far as horror and real, I think the movie The Black Cat with Karloff and Lugosi was actually based on this some prison camp. Really? Yeah.

It was just, I don't know what happened there or who. I don't know the exact story, but it was. I don't even know what that movie is. The Black Cat. Oh, The Black Cat. If you like horror movies, it's Karloff and Lugosi. And the movie, not three seconds of it makes any sense. Really? You feel like you're watching, you're having a weird dream.

But it's so good. It's so entertaining. Just because it's so old and weird? Yeah, it's very weird. But it's not one of those, you laugh at it because it's bad. It's a good movie, but it makes absolutely no sense. It's a good movie that makes no sense. Yes, yes.

Usually I get angry when movies make no sense. But when they're old, you're kind of watching history as much as you're watching a movie. Yes. When my kids were little, my wife was out of town town and we were trying to figure out something to watch together And they were like I think there were six and eight and I said do you guys want to watch a scary movie? And they're like you know my littlest would get real scared. I don't want to get scared I go I'm gonna show you a movie. That's they used to be scary, but now it's funny cuz it's so bad Yeah, and so I showed them the original King Kong.

Yes. From like, what was it, like 1933? Yeah. And it's so bad. Like you watch it, like the animation, like it wasn't scary at all. They were laughing. They thought it was hilarious.

I was like, this is funny. Like if you were a little kid in 1933 and you watched this, it would probably be quite scary because like the animation and everything, like they didn't have anything to compare it to so it didn't look bad it just looked like like there was a beast you know but people today you try showing that to a little kid today they just laugh at it see but me i grew up on that stop action animation you know you know ray harry You know, Ray Harryhausen and Willis O'Brien. And so I still enjoy that. That I prefer to computerization.

And I think what Roger Ebert said, stop action looks phony but feels real. And he says CGI looks real but feels phony. Yeah, there is something about CGI that just doesn't resonate. There's something about it where it just doesn't feel right. There's a lot of these guys that do that Rick Baker style makeup yes like makeup for movies and they're big advocates of that like they don't think we should have cgi because there's a disconnect when you see something on the screen that's computer generated even if it's really realistic like did you see the wolfman with uh benicio del toro yeah that's pretty good yeah i liked it uh but that movie was a little bit of both.

But when you saw the CGI parts, you'd be like, ah, this looks fake. Yes. But when you saw him with the makeup, it's like, okay, this is a real thing. This is an actual object. It's like, to me, when I watch the original King Kong, I feel like, well, there is a real King Kong that they built. So you could touch king kong if you were there uh yeah but you can't touch you know cgi yeah you can tell it's weird it's that there's a weird disconnect you have even if it's like super super realistic

you know that it's not real somehow yes oh. Also, the difference between American Werewolf in London, where that was like great special effects. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. And then they did American Werewolf in Paris, where they were using CGI, and it looked like half of it was a cartoon.

Yeah, that looks stupid looks stupid yeah there was a lot of those movies that look really stupid like that but then they had the howling the howling was all uh special effects too yeah it's kind of the same deal you know those movies it's like there's something that you you get connected even though you know it's fake yeah you get connected to it it's okay whereas like you if it's CGI, you're just watching some stuff happen. You're watching some images. Yeah, I always missed. Even as a kid, I knew how they made King Kong move or the dinosaurs move.

I knew how Chaney turned into the Wolfman by turning the camera on and off. But I loved watching that. And it still feels more real to me. Well, it's also fun because you're watching these people make the best with what they had. And you know what was available then as opposed to now. Like stop motion, claymation, all that kind of stuff. And the kind of makeup. Like Lone Cheney Sr.

The guy disfigured his face to make those movies tortured himself and and there was also like i used to be fascinated to hear uh people talk about how effects were done in movies and now it's like you go and now it's if you ask someone it'll like, well, this button makes it rain and this button makes dinosaurs show up and this button fire shoots out of the dinosaur. Well, it's also like if you look at the American Werewolf in London, because of the fact that it wasn't computer generated, they had to show you everything in very quick flashes. Yes. They didn't like lock everything in very quick flashes. Yes. They didn't like lock onto it for a long period of time where you got to see it. Like the longest you got to see it

was when the wolf was walking through Piccadilly Square. Yes. Remember that? Yes. He was snapping at people. That was like the clearest and most you ever got to see it. Yeah. Other than that,

you get to see like a brief glimpse of its face right before it attacked. Like Alien, the Ridley Scottott movie same kind of deal you really didn't see it that clearly for long periods of time but what was what shows how good the makeup and everything was in there uh when he changes it's in a well-lit room because so many movies there's immediately it's at night and there's a thunderstorm going on

no that was an epic I mean that was when you see that I forget the actress name played the American Warrior from London David Norton when you see his hands stretch and he's watching it. For years after that.

Play that. Try to find the transformation scene. For years after that, I would know it's special effects, but I'd look at my hand and see if I could do that. Yeah. Well, also when the hair is popping up on its back. Yeah, also when the hair is popping up on his back. And it was a unique, for these kind of movies, for horror movies, it was revolutionary. Because it was like, Rick Baker was the king. He was the best at this stuff. And they gave him the ability to kind of completely change the way people feel about these kind of transformation scenes.

Yes. Like this shit. That's amazing. That looks like a real hand. And they added, like, John Landis made it funny. They added the right kind of music to it. There was so much to it. And as this thing's changing and he falls to the ground you see his hair pop up on his back

fuck this was good yeah oh what a great movie I didn't mean to call you meatloaf, Jack. It was such a great movie because it was a combination of comedy and horror. Yeah. But it was both. It was both actually really funny and really fucking scary. Yes.

Oh, my God. What a great scene. Yeah. And completely well lit. Look at that. Fucking amazing movie. Do we have to turn the music off? There was once a case of, like... And then the face, when his face stretches out.

Oh, yes, That's this. Yeah. I mean, Rick Baker's a fucking genius. Imagine being able to do this in like, what was it, 1980-something?

Yeah. I mean, there was nothing like this before this. Yeah. It was so revolutionary. These came out at the same time, this one and The Howling. Yeah. Both were. I think this one this. Yeah. It was so revolutionary. These came out at the same time,

this one and The Howling. Yeah. Both were. I think this one came out first. Yeah. And I think this was so successful that it sort of ignited this desire for werewolf movies.

Oh, and then there's a dopey horror film that I think it's called The Beast Within. What is that? That does a transformation scene that goes on like way too long. But it's so much fun to watch. The Beast Within? The Beast Within. Do you remember cats?

Cat people? There were two. There was the original one, and then there was the one with the top. Oh, that's it. There it is. What is this? Yes.

Look at her. She's like, what is happening? They're both just standing there. They're not running out of the room. Like, imagine if you saw a guy's face. Yes. You'd be like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Yes.

They're all standing by. No one's screaming. And one guy has a syringe in his hand. Like, how about you inject that guy with whatever you've got in that syringe? Whoa. This is so terrible. Play it. Let it play.

Let it play. Let it play. What is happening to his back? His whole body's splitting open. Oh. Uh, his whole body's splitting open. Oh. And what's funny with this, after he goes into his, like, 15th metamorphosis, one guy says, oh, my God.

I'm thinking, what, the other things weren't worth an oh, my God? This is so long. Yes. See, they needed a good editor. Look at her. She does the same face the entire time. Yes. She's letting it all happen. Oh, now finally she's screaming.

Oh, finally. Yeah, yeah. She, you know, before, nothing was so... I can't wait to see what he turns into. Oh, see, that guy with the mustache said, oh, my God. Meanwhile, they're just all standing there. Yes, yes. Why wouldn't you get the fuck out of Dodge?

Anybody would run for their lives. Yeah, what is the... What are you? It keeps going back and forth. It got bigger, it got smaller. Now what is it? Oh, now it's big. Shoot him for God's sake, it says.

Shoot him for God's sake. They don't make them anymore, Gilbert. They don't make a good horror movie anymore. No. Not that many of them. I mean, what was the last good one you saw? Oh, God. I don't know.

Cloverfield? That was a... Like, monster movie? Oh, God, I don't know. Cloverfield? That was a monster movie. Yeah, that was a monster movie, right? That was interesting. Like Hereditary and The Conjuring. Those have kind of gotten really popular more recently. Yeah, but those are horror.

Yeah, it's like psychological stuff. You don't have good monster movies anymore. Got to bring them back. Yeah. The Scream's on its way back out that's not really my i guess that's more serial killer yeah yeah so um do you have a home club in boca uh there's some nearby clubs one i worked recently and uh oh God yeah but now I mean like

tomorrow I go to Houston to do a club what club are you doing in Houston God I don't know somebody find find out

what the fuck you should know like that find out where I am what I've got to plug and don't fucking shit are you do the improv improv's great in Houston I don't know if I've got to plug and don't fucking shit.

Are you doing the improv? Improv's great in Houston. I don't know if I've ever done that one. That's a good one. Oh, but one thing I have to plug, of course, I'm on cameo.com slash Gilbert Gottfried for personalized video shout outs

and for 25% off, use promo code Joe Rogan. And these cameos, you're doing these a lot, right? Yes. And do you enjoy doing that? Is it fun? Well, that was like what I was doing all through the pandemic. Yeah? Yeah, because clubs were closed and TV was

closed, and so I would do those. Yeah. And you can make good money doing those? Yeah, it depends on, sometimes you have busy days, sometimes less, but it's one of those where you could there there were times i i just like had a shirt on no pants i just put it up uh and yeah so uh cameo.com slash gilbert guy free uh oh you're doing skank fest i am yes that's hilarious that's the one in Houston. Yeah. The guys who were here yesterday, Ari Shafir, Shane Gillis, and Mark Norman were on yesterday. Yes. And they're headed down to Skankfest today. Yeah.

You could have rode down with them. Yeah. So that wasn't even a joke there that I didn't know. Didn't know. Yeah. Who handles all your stuff? Your wife? Does she take care of everything? Right now, my wife, because it seems like the agencies are falling apart.

Because a lot of them are falling apart. Yeah. Well, they just didn't have anybody working for over a year. Yeah. And the funny thing that the pandemic showed me is without agents, my career hasn't been that much worse. Yeah. Well, if you have someone like your wife that can take care of everything, it's probably better to not know where you're going. Yeah. Just don't think about it. Just show up. Yeah. Somebody just tell.

Well, it always gets me when they you know, they'll show, to get a laugh, they'll show a politician or a singer on stage who says, I love you, Ohio. And then it turns out they weren't in Ohio. And I, see, I don't laugh at that because when I'm doing, I could, I'll be walking through the, and I don't know what city I'm in. Right. And people will recognize me and ask me, oh, where are you playing? And I won't know the name of the club. Well, the good thing nowadays, they can actually find it. They can just Google it.

Yes. Yeah. It's not that hard to take that extra step. But, yeah, that's a weird feeling when you wake up in a hotel room and you stare at the ceiling and you forget where you are. Oh, absolutely. That happens a lot. And I get these dreams where sometimes I'll be home and I'll get to dream like that I'm there and I have to find some way of getting home. Oh, interesting. And so I'll get mixed up with my dreams. Or you're sleeping and you think you're home, and then you go, this bed feels different.

I don't know why. And you reach for the lamp and go, wait a minute. The lamp was always on this side. Why can't I find it? And then you turn it on. It's like, whoa, a different place. the lamp and go, wait a minute, the lamp was always on this side. Why can't I find it? And then you turn it on. It's like, whoa, a different place. Do you, when you go on the road, do you just do weekends and places? Like how often were you going on the road for? Yeah. Oh, I used to, it used to be like every week. Every week a different club somewhere? Yeah. and i would do those like ones that would be from like thursday through sunday

and now i now the shortest amount i have to work i enjoy the most yeah i like weekends just friday saturday back home yeah yeah those guys that do those Thursday through Sunday gigs, boy, they get tired. Oh, yeah. By the time Sunday show rolls around, you're fucking exhausted. Also, I've done a bunch of shows over the years where, like, it was three shows a night. And by that third show, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You don't remember what you said yeah you could you you think did i just say that joke the joke i'm saying now did i say it five times already you don't know yeah it's because once you're in the groove of actually telling your jokes and

actually you're doing your set you think that you're in the same mindset that you were in two hours earlier for that show yes two hours before that you don't know what the that you're in the same mindset that you were in two hours earlier for that show and two hours before that you don't know what the fuck you're doing yeah yeah that that's a surreal feeling the only thing that saved me is to have a very specific set list for those shows yeah where i like because sometimes i'll fuck around i put things out of order. I can't do that when I have three shows. Yeah. You have to say, yeah, the butcher shop now, the roller skating one now. Right, right, right.

Yeah. Those guys that do those long weeks, and some of them do Wednesday through Sunday, they get tired. They wear out quicker. Yeah. It's not good for you. Wednesday through Sunday, they get tired. They wear out quicker. Yeah.

It's not good for you. And also, it's like that weird thing after you do a show. It's like you're exhausted, but you have too much adrenaline flowing to go to sleep. Yeah. So you're lying there in bed staring up at the ceiling going, oh, I'm going to force myself to sleep. Or worse, you're just watching TV mindlessly. Horrible. Yeah, staring at that screen. And then the blue light from the TV and the screens fucks with your head.

Oh, yes. Yeah. And then especially like when you work in Vegas, they don't want to give you good channels to watch. Right, right. So, yeah, it's – and then I'll be switching around the channels and it's like I'll go, okay, this I really don't like, but it's less awful than the other things I was clicking on. Do you bring people with you when you go on the road, or do you just accept the local acts? Usually it's just been me, yeah. And so whatever they have that opens for you, you just accept it?

Yeah, yeah. Usually because they'll say, oh, what do you think of the opening? Sometimes I'll have opening acts a lot. They'll go, oh, can you watch my set and tell me what you think and i never watch other comics yeah that's a big ask like if you're friends with the guy and he says can you watch my set that's one thing but if you don't even know the guy and he wants you to be a consultant on his material like come on buddy and And it's also that thing of, you know, when you've been doing comedy a while, the very best you could ask for watching a bit is, ah, that was clever.

Yeah, exactly. What year did you start? Oh, God. I think it was the end of the 60s. No shit. Yeah. I was 15 the first time I got up on a stage. Wow.

And I should know, but I don't like an idiot. I should know the first club I worked at. I don't remember the first club I worked at. Really? You'd think it would be an important event enough to remember, but I don't remember. Well, what were the regular clubs you worked at back then well uh first time it was uh you know it was some club you went in signed your name and the book and then yeah uh but you know of the clubs i've worked over the years

you know they were the known ones you know catch a rising star the improv comic strip uh uh bitter end and then there'd be like a million of these clubs that would open for like two weeks and you'd be like looking out for any place you could work for no money. In the late 60s, were there actual comedy clubs? Or were they like variety clubs? I think that came later or something. I remember, also I remember in comedy clubs used to have singers also. singers also. And like, well, you know, Pat Benatar and Patti Smythe both came out of comedy clubs. Really? Yeah, they both used to pop up at Catch. And I remember, I would, you know, it was not uncommon, you'd walk into a comedy club, and you'd hear, you know, everything has its season.

Everything has its time. And this is in the 70s? Yeah. Yeah. 70s, 80s. Yeah. Well, 80s, I think it started to make it more just, no, they still had some singers there. So what was like the first club, the first actual stand-up club in the city?

Was it the Improv? Was it Catch? I think the Improv would be the oldest of those. But, I mean, before then... So that was the early 70s? Yeah, I would think so. Maybe it could have been even in the 60s. I don't know when improv started. And then Catch a Rising Star came after that.

That was the first place I did in the city. Yeah. And then there was all the other ones, you know, The Cellar. Oh, yeah. Dangerfields. I heard Dangerfields went under recently. Yes, just recently. I was in New York, and we were in a cab and i looked

out the window and there's that big awning of danger fields and it said like room uh you know space for rent isn't that crazy yeah that place was always so weird like it was never really packed yes but it was a great room yeah it was an amazing room like i'm wondering if his mob friends were doing business most likely this i mean well that another thing i always thought mob uh grandpa munster that's on your ass yeah grandpa's and it was in staten island and and that place i i always think uh maybe yeah they knew some friends and and uh uh the chief from uh gilligan's island he he had his own restaurant who's the chief uh yeah what the skipper The skipper? The skipper. Skipper.

The skipper, not the chief. He had his own club? Yeah. What the fuck was that guy's name again? His father was an actor, too. I always felt bad for Gilligan, because that poor motherfucker had to wear that hat to the day he died. Yes. That was his thing.

He had to wear that stupid hat. That stupid hat was his thing. I've been to- There it is. Alan Hale Jr. Alan Hale Jr. Alan Hale Jr. Yes. That would have killed me.

And he had to wear his stupid hat, too. Yes. Yeah. There was never a scene where he didn't have that stupid captain's hat on. And I've done a few of these autograph conventions, and you'll see these guys, they're like 90, signing autographs. And they'll have their caps or funny hats that their character in TV shows would wear. Maybe Belushi went out the right way. Yes. I definitely think that.

Yeah. Maybe that's better than just arthritis hand. Yeah. He was feeling great on drugs. And he was fucking some hooker. Was he? Yeah. Congratulations to him.

And then we remember him as a legend. I mean, think about how many of the great musicians, rock stars, went out that way. Hendrix, Morrison, Janis Joplin. Oh, and do you know the magic age? 27, right? Yes, 27. Isn't that wild? That is. Was Amy Wine? 27, right? Yes, 27. Isn't that wild? That is.

Was Amy Winehouse 27 as well? I think so. That's a weird number that just keeps coming up over and over and over again. Yeah. I wonder why. Oh, Amy Winehouse then. I want to name famous Jew rockers. Amy Winehouse was a Jew. Bob Dylan.

Bob Dylan. One of the greats. Yeah. Oh, well, the Beastie Boys were Jews. Yeah. Slash. Slash is Jewish. Yeah, Slash.

Interesting. Oh, who else of the rock? Oh, well, I guess. Gene Simmons. Neil Diamond. Gene Simmons from Kiss. Oh, yes, yes, of course. They were all Jews, Kiss.

Geddy Lee. Lou Reed. Wow. Lou Reed was a Jew? David Lee Roth. Billy Joel. Paul Simon. Wow.

Neil Diamond. Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz is Jewish Neil Diamond, Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz is Jewish? Yeah, well, Kravitz. I know, but it just doesn't, you know, you think of him as like a hippie. Adam Levine. Well, yeah. Yeah, well, obviously Levine. Wait, wait, who's the pretty girl there?

Which one? Probably Simon. Susanna Huff from the Beng from the bangles oh yeah that's right wow steven adler arlo guthrie was a jew uh adam duritz yeah yeah interesting art garfunkel courtney love was jewish no kidding geez wow the jew Jews run everything. It's true. They're right. The conspiracies are correct. I would have never guessed Lou Reed.

Yeah. No, I wouldn't have guessed that one either. The Jews run everything. Yes, yes. I have to admit it myself. How do you guys run it? Do you run it from, is there an organization? Yeah. Or is it just known?

We get involved in everything. It's funny how, if you go back to the early days of show business, it really was dominated by Jewish folks. Yes. You know? And, oh. Lenny Bruce. Someone who, oh, this is another one of my favorite topics. Jew, famous Jew pieces of ass.

Okay. How many really hot Jewish pieces of ass. Okay. How many really hot Jewish ladies? Yeah. Okay. Give me them. Natalie Portman. There you go. Scarlett Johansson.

Scarlett Johansson? Yeah. Uh, Mila Kunis. Mm. Uh, oh, Ringo's wife, Barbara Bach. I don't know who that lady is. Yeah, she was a famous model. Look up, look up Barbara Bach. I don't know who that lady is. Yeah, she was a famous model. Look up Barbara Bach.

Maybe you can get her Playboy pictures. Oh, boy. This is getting racy, as they say. We could jerk off to a woman who's in her 90s. Is she in her 90s now? I don't know. She's still kicking? Yeah.

That's got to be rough when a lady loses that. You have this immense power over everyone Just by your mere presence And then it just goes away That's her back in the busy Look at her face Look at that picture in the middle God she's gorgeous She's so pretty

See Ringo the one they all laugh at Look what he winds up with Wow Good job Ringo Meanwhile mccartney what the fuck poor bastard yeah yeah that lady that he married with no one leg what a fucking monster she was like even i can even i can find women to fuck who have two legs well if she had one leg and she was nice that would be great yes but there was uh some when he was breaking up with her and she was blackmailing him or threatening oh yeah come out

with us she knows so much about him like like what do you know what the fuck paul mccartney yeah like go ahead and talk no one's gonna listen to you like but he gave her some insane amount of money for a very short relationship like something like uh like 275 million yeah and it was a short relationship yeah they had a child together though right didn't they i think so yeah that's if you're a monster and you want to rope a man in yeah that's what you do have a child with him then you got him no prenup probably yeah because he was a knucklehead yeah well he was a unfortunately his situation was he had a relationship with his wife i guess this is what i'm hearing i don't know anything about him but that he had a great relationship with his first wife he loved her and then she died yes

and then oh that was that was um linda linda eastman yeah so he was probably used to that being the kind of relationship that he had like a really great relationship he could trust her everything so he probably assumed oh i found another one we're gonna be okay this is my new love of my life yes and then she turned out to be a monster. I remember listening to an interview with her talking about him. I'm like, Jesus Christ,

listen to this lady. Oh, she was fucking horrible. Judge berates Heather Mills. The judge berates, the judge in Paul McCartney's divorce settlement berated the former Beatles' estranged wife,

Heather Mills, for giving inconsistent and inaccurate evidence according to the details of the ruling released on Tuesday. If I was him, I would have dragged that divorce out to the end of time. And here's an...

I would have. I would have lost money for spite. I would have been like, let's have a game. Oh, and here's another article. Judge Cole says the mill's a fucking cunt. Is that what he said? Is that what he said? No.

What was the number? She asked for $250,000 and she ended up getting $48.7 million. Imagine asking someone you were married for a couple years, asking for $250 million. Hey, you fucked me for like 12 months. I want a quarter of a billion. Yeah. How great was her pussy that she could charge? It wasn't that good.

I'm going to tell you right now. There's no way. Yeah. Couldn't be that good. No, her pussy's... Yeah. It's just... It's normal.

Yeah. It's great. I'm sure it's great. Yeah. It's fine. But not a quarter billion dollars. You know how many fucking songs he had to sing to make a quarter billion? Oh, God.

Yeah. She also conducted her own defense oh that bitch was so crazy oh but she made away with 48 million yeah so that's stupid you monster so if you marry somebody that rich you know you could get a chimpanzee as your lawyer and you'll wind up with a fortune yeah you'll get something. You'll get a nice slice. I mean, the Beatles were like billionaires, right? Yeah. At the time they died?

And why did everybody make fun of Ringo? Why was he the joke? I don't know. They all thought, you know, the other three, they were named, you know, great musicians and he's just, you know goofy-looking guy playing drums. People didn't respect drummers for a long time. Yeah.

I don't know why. Drummers just, they got a bad rap. It was the guy out in the front with the guitar and the singer. Those are the guys you wanted to bang. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah. Maybe if you were a low-key, you could be the bass player. Yeah.

But that fucking idiot with the drums, nobody respected. Until they did and then you know somewhere along the line guys like you know like who are the great drummers oh there was that one-armed drummer oh from Def Leppard yes yeah lost his arm in a car crash yes yeah there's been you know drummers are very respected now though collins was a drummer right oh yeah yeah uh tommy lee from molly crew uh singer drummer uh karen carpenter really yeah travis barker of course he's famous for being a drummer yeah he's like the most famous guy yeah of the bands he's been in and he's a drummer.

That's interesting, right? It's like some drummers break through for whatever reason. There's an old joke. Why is a drum solo like a sneeze? You know it's coming, but there's nothing you could do to stop it. Solos were a big part of performances, right? And yeah, and that drum thing would be, oh, he's got a lot of energy. Yeah.

Look at him banging on those drums. Wow. He really. The guitar solo was always better. Yeah. But then there's guitar solos that are planned out. Like, that was one of the interesting things

about Leonard Skinner. Like, when they did a guitar solo, it was orchestrated. Yeah. Like, every single part of that solo

was prepped. Like, like for Freebird. Like, that, that long, which is one of the most amazing

guitar solos in the history of music. That is all completely planned out. Like every single note is completely planned out. And they repeated it over and over again live in concert. Yeah. It's interesting because most guitar solos, like the guy would just start riffing and going off. Yeah, just whatever hits him. Yeah, not that i'm i'm sure

there are a lot of ones that even if they weren't originally planned out after doing them for years it looks like the guy's riffing but his hands are just playing it already right right which is how it gets to be like comedy as well yeah yeah yeah i you know there are those bits you do where it's like and i'm sure it's like and i'm sure yeah with singers and with you know stage actors after a while you could be doing something dramatic or whatever and it's like it's like saying the Pledge of Allegiance. Yeah, yeah. They probably just are phoning it in after a while.

Unless they're not. Unless they're still enjoying it, you know? I mean, I've been doing stand-up now for 33 years. And one thing that did happen during the pandemic was when I started doing it again, I really – not that I ever had no appreciation for it, but it reignited my appreciation to an even higher degree. Because having all that time off and it almost went away, and now that we're doing shows again, it feels like magic again. It's exciting. Well, it's like because what I noticed, you know, like I said, where I said, you know, what bits do I actually do and what am I doing?

And then you realize, oh, this is something that I do. This does take effort. Yeah, it does take effort. But it also to see it as a person in the audience too one of the things that I did when I came back because I would sit down and watch my friends do stand-up and enjoy it I'm like god this is fun this is a great thing to go see it's an exciting thing to go see that as an art form as an audience member it's a very exciting thing to see. It reignited my appreciation for it in a greater way.

There's a line, and I think it's network news, that one with William Hurt. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it. No, that was network. That was network. But I think this other one was network news. It's got William Hurt. Hey. Hey, what the fuck are you doing over there?

Hey, Jamie. Network news. I think so. There it is. Broadcast news. Broadcast news. Joan Cusack. There's one part where William Hurt is teaching Albert Brooks how to do the news.

And he says, when you find yourself just reading it, stop. And he goes, you sell people the news. And it's like, if it's a i i had it i understood it exactly because if it's a bit you've been doing for a while you're like and then you got to go oh wait wait let me actually uh perform this rather than yes yeah yeah well you got the thing about comedy to me has always been if i care about what I'm saying, then it's going to be good. Yeah.

But if I don't care about what I'm saying, the audience is going to know. They smell it. Yeah. They smell it. Right? Yeah. When you were 15, when you started, had you been a fan of watching comedy before you did it?

Well, I was a fan of just, I was just a fan of show business and actors and comics. And so I started watching people on TV and imitating them. a couple of years like maybe two three years that i was doing it i wasn't that different than like you know when they used to have impressionists you know rich little frank ocean yeah will jordan and you know that uh hey you know which was always like uh and imagine if your waiter was Cary Grant. It might go something like this. That was a lot of people's acts back then. Yeah. And you don't see, with the exception of Las Vegas, you'll see impressionists.

Yeah. But you don't see them on TV. They used to be all those guys. They used to be prop guys, too. Yes. Yes. There used to be all those guys. There used to be prop guys, too.

Yes, yes. But then Carrot Top became so successful that he owns props now. Yes. He's the only prop guy. It's kind of amazing what he's done. It really is. He's taken over the prop genre. It is all Carrot Top.

People joke and insult him, but boy, he does own props. He's a funny guy. They shouldn't insult him. He's a nice guy props he's a funny guy they shouldn't insult him he's a nice guy he's a funny guy he's very prolific and he's been he you know he's been doing his show out of vegas for god i want to say like 15 years now solid it's always packed and he's one of those people like there are those list of people who you feel like, oh, I gotta, they have to be insulted. They're no good. Well, it's like Nickelback. Like, it's an easy punchline. Like, even though Nickelback has some songs that you might actually enjoy.

When you want to shit on a band for being, like, a top 40 sort of, you know, cookie cutter band, you go with Nickelback. And it was like, ah, ha, ha, was like it's one of those yes yeah it or like like i don't know who anne hathaway killed that we have to hate anne hathaway she killed somebody no i mean it's yeah it's people don't like anne hathaway yeah yeah. Oh, Anne Hathaway. I've never heard that before. Oh, she was a famous person to hate for the longest time. Really? Yeah. And I'm thinking, she's a really pretty girl. She's a good actress.

And what school bus did she blow up? Yeah, she used to be a famous one. Stitchy Blower. Yeah, she used to be a famous one. Also, somebody got me tickets to see Barry Manilow. Another one you're supposed to hate. You're supposed to hate Barry Manilow. And I thought, this is a good show. Listen, he's got a lot of fans for a reason.

Yeah. Yeah. Same thing like I saw Wayne Newton live, and I thought that was a great show. I met Wayne Newton once. I've never seen him live, but I just wish I was his friend and tell him to slow down. Whatever you're doing with your face, slow down. That's not helping. Yeah.

You just look different. You don't look better. You're better, especially as a man. Oh, yeah yeah just get older i don't do that i i predict that eventually years from now they'll have it where you age till you're like 20 and then it stops you stop aging after that yes for sure and then they'll probably actually be able to take you from where you're at right now. Yes.

And bring you back to like when you're 20. Yeah. And when you're in your prime. Or grow a whole new you. And then pull your head out. Yeah. And then pull your brain in the other one. Yes.

But then you get Alzheimer's in a 20-year-old body. Imagine that. Like, shit. We haven't perfected it yet. Yeah. Yeah. Now I't perfected it yet. Yeah, yeah. Now I've got loads of energy. Well, there's a lot of doctors that are looking,

doctors and scientists and researchers that are looking at aging as a disease instead of looking at it as just inevitability. It's just they're thinking it's a disease that everybody has. And treating it that way, they can, instead of saying, oh, it's inevitable, let's just prolong your health as long as possible. Yeah, cure this disease.

Yeah, they're trying to cure it. And they're trying to make it so that as your cells regenerate and as you replicate, that you don't have errors. That's what liver spots are and when your skin loses collagen and all the things that turn you into an older person they're trying to figure out ways to mitigate that see that's one of those things like whenever i go to a doctor or a dentist i always think for this visit can i take a time machine a thousand years from now? In the future, right.

Yeah, where it's like where you'll go in and it's like you'll go, oh, I need heart surgery. And I'll go, heart surgery? That's so medieval. Here, let's shine this light on you and you'll be fine. Yeah, they'll just put you in a scanner. It'll find everything that's wrong and then just repair it from outside. Yes, and more and more they're doing it where they treat the fetus and they can examine what you're likely to get, what diseases.

Really? Yeah, they're doing more and more work like that nowadays. The thing that scares me about that is like what if you find out that your kid has a potential for a disease and you decide to abort it ah that's yeah yeah that's gonna bring a lot of ethical questions yes yeah because if you find out early on that you're like maybe the the fetus is only like 15 weeks old or 12 weeks old or something like that oh that well 12 is three months like let's say what is the the awful abortion law in texas i think was six weeks which everybody thought was insane and i agree because it's like six weeks is like it's like that Yeah. But what if they found out somehow or another?

Like, I know that some women are preemptively having their breasts removed because they have the gene that may lead to breast cancer. So with no thing wrong with their breasts. I think, what's her name? Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie and didn't also Christine Applegate? Did she do that as well? I think so. It's a tough call.

I mean, breast cancer is horrible, but is there a way to avoid it? I mean, I don't know. I don't know what would avoid something. Like I had a guy in here a couple days ago, Rob Kearney, who's a strong man, Like I had a guy in here a couple days ago, Rob Kearney, who's a strong man, like a just big fucking manly guy, had bulk cancer out of nowhere. And he said it spread so fast. And he had to get one of his testicles removed. Oh, geez.

Yeah, exactly. Nothing wrong with him. Super healthy. Eats well. Super fit. Big, strong strong powerful guy that's the thing that always gets me when i'll hear like someone i know died and i'll say oh well how old was he and you're waiting for them to say oh he was 98 and then you find out he's much younger than you thought he was and i'll go but he drank and did drugs right no never touched it

yeah sometimes people just have a genetic thing and yeah just things stop working and it just shuts off and then they die yeah it sucks so this has been a fun fun show um when you were a little kid who were the comics that inspired you to start doing stand-up so many uh i always thought inspired meant uh plagiarized but that was the old days yeah there was a lot of plagiarism oh yeah it's funny you talk about it now oh this guy's a joke thief that guy back then i i think there were about like a hundred people doing Who's On First. Right. And.

There was no accountability back then. No, no. Couldn't get in trouble. Yeah. And. But, yeah, I remember the old guys were still around, like Jack Benny, Groucho. Did you get to see Groucho live? I did.

I saw it at Carnegie Hall. Wow. I mean, granted, he was, see, that's the Groucho I became the most, I mean, I loved the Marx Brothers movies, except, you know, they hit a point where their movies were really, had grown horrible. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. The first couple of movies with Paramount, you know, Horse Feathers, Animal Crackers, and Duck Soup, great.

And then, yeah. Oh, but I got fascinated with Groucho after I hadn't seen him for years on TV. And I never met him. I hadn't seen him come on TV for years. And then you would see him pop up on, like, the Dick Cavett show. And it would be like, Well, I remember when we would play at the theater and a theater was a place where performance would go on stage and an audience would watch them oh no yeah that's this i went

on after richard pryor i followed richard pror for like five or six weeks at the comedy store when he was in a wheelchair. And so they would carry him to the stage and set him down. And they would crank the mic way up like, yes. Yeah. Like you would hear the mic was cranked as loud as it could. And he was a shell of himself. Yeah. He was dying. Yeah. Like you would hear the mic was cranked as loud as it could, and he was a shell of himself. Yeah. He was dying.

Yeah. And he was on all kinds of medication, and he was drinking. Yeah. And he would go on stage, and the audience would be so sad. Yeah. And then I would have to go on after him, and it would take five minutes to get him from the stage to the back of the room. Oh.

And so while that was happening, I would be on stage. Yeah, so everything you're doing for at least the first three quarters of your act. The first couple minutes are rough. And, you know, I would just try to lighten up the mood a little bit because you could see the people's faces. They were like, oh. Because they were, a lot of them, you would see folks that were a little older that were fans of Richard Pryor when he was in his prime.

Oh, yeah. And then they had this opportunity, oh, we got a chance to see Richard Pryor live. Let's go see him. And they thought they were going to go see Richard Pryor. Oh, yes. Yes. So it was one thing because you were in the presence of a legend. Yeah.

Like you did have that feeling. Like I can't believe I'm around the real Richard Pryor. But to me, it was also incredibly bittersweet because you're seeing him in his last days of life. two weeks on a movie that was the last of the Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor movies. It was like beyond a piece of shit. What was it? It was called, I didn't make it to the final cut,

but it was called another you. And it was originally being directed by Peter O'Donovitch. Uh, they, they fired him, scrapped old previously shot footage, and then got a new director. And I heard in L.A. there was one theater that was just showing it once a day because it wasn't worth the electricity to show it because nobody was seeing it. But what I remember is that's where I met Richard Pryor. And, you know, very weak, of course. He could still walk, but very weak. But he treated me like he was a little kid meeting like the biggest movie star in the world

really yeah and he's oh you're super funny you're so funny that even if you don't want to be funny you'll be funny and i thought this is unbelievable just to be around him and have him say that to you yeah there's something about being around those guys that are legends you know it's it's a I thought, this is unbelievable. Just to be around them and have them say that to you. Yeah. There's something about being around those guys that are legends. It's an amazing feeling. Because there are those people, when you see people, some people in person where you go,

wait a minute, they actually exist in real life. Yes, exactly. I felt that way the first time I met Eddie Murphy. Yeah. I was friends with his brother, Charlie, and Charlie and I did a tour together, and it was just randomly. I was in Maui at a hotel with my family, and we were checking in, and I see Charlie's cousin,

and I'm like, what's up? And I'm saying hi to him, and I go, is Charlie here? He goes, yeah. He goes, Charlie's down with Eddie And I'm saying hi to him. And he goes, I go, is Charlie here? He goes, yeah. He goes, Charlie's down with Eddie. He goes, come meet him. And I went over and they were having lunch. And I sat down with Eddie Murphy.

And I'm looking at Eddie Murphy and I shake his hand nice to me. He goes, you're a funny motherfucker. And I was like, you know who I am? I was like, this can't be real. How is this real? You think I'm funny and you know who I am? I was like, this can't be real. How is this real? You think I'm funny and you know who I am? I'm like, this is wild. And I remember I was on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

I couldn't believe it. One time I was getting on a plane. And a few aisles down from me, I saw George Carlin. And, well, yeah, he was a few aisles ahead of me., I'd never met him before, so I didn't want to bother him. And I sat down and then he gets up from his chair and he starts, he looks at me and is walking toward me. And I got so excited. I thought, George Carlin, he wants to talk to me. And he comes over to me and he says, I got to work on some stuff. I'm writing. I got to read something.

And then I'm going to take a nap so I can talk to you. And it was like basically he went out of his way to tell me to go fuck myself. Wasn't he just being courteous? Because he would have said I would talk to you. Yes. But when it was getting near the end of the flight, when they announced that we're going to be descending soon, he came over to me again and he scribbled his phone number down on a piece of paper. And he said to me, next time you're appearing on TV, I want you to call me and tell me because I want to see what's going on in that brain of yours. And that was like, holy fuck. Yeah. I saw him perform live a few times.

I saw him perform live in New Hampshire when I was like 21 in like 1988. I saw him there and I saw him at the comedy store later and I ran into him once at the comedy store and he was so unassuming. Yes. He just walked by, said hi to everybody. Hello. Hello. It's like real friendly, easy, and just was there to do his work and super nice guy. I thought this is unbelievable. I also met Jonathan Winters, and he gave me his phone number. And I didn't call either one of them because I've had those.

You know what it's like? A couple of celebrities who've given me their numbers. It's like, you know, we meet, and they're my best friend in the whole world. We hit it off like lifelong pals. And then you call them and you go, her phone number and she's like, oh, here's my number. Don't lose this. Don't lose this. And if I'm not at this number, here's my other number. Please call me, call me, call me.

All excited. And then you call them up and you go, hi, you know, remember we met at Joe's party? And it's like, oh yeah. I think some celebrities just get exhausted by people wanting things from them. Oh, I'm sure. Absolutely. Just constantly someone thinks that they can get further up the show business ladder just by being friends with you being around you that's why when they act normal it's uh it's so refreshing well it's like when people come up to me and say

uh could you give me some advice or some pointers i always feel like underneath it is like, can you like press that button that makes me a star? Can you help me? Yes. Give me a lift up. Yeah. Yeah. Which doesn't exist. Yeah.

No one can do that. It's like, I think they'll look at you when you're known and they'll think, oh, you know, somebody sprinkled some dust on you, magic dust, and you immediately became known. And you'll be able to tell me how I can do that. Yes, yes, where I can get this dust from, and I'll sprinkle on myself. Yeah. Well, I think people just like have shortcuts all the time. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And I think that's also one of the reasons why celebrities are a little standoffish. Even when they meet other celebrities, you know, I think that's also one of the reasons why celebrities are a little standoffish. Even when they meet other celebrities, I think they just get – but then sometimes they feel like those are the only people that they know that they can talk to. Like I feel like who can the cast of Friends talk to? Right, right. They're all oddly famous. Yeah.

In a weird way. One of the weirdest celebrity encounters I ever had was Robin Williams. He came to one of my shows by himself. Yeah. And I didn't know it was him until a few minutes into talking to him. He had a big crazy beard. Oh, okay. And a baseball hat on.

And I'm talking to, I was doing like this little meet and greet after the show. And I'm just talking to this guy. Yeah. And he's like, I really like that bit. I really love this. I loved how you did this and that. And then I'm in the middle of talking to him. I'm like, holy shit, this is Robin Williams.

Oh, yeah. I didn't realize it until like a couple minutes into talking to him. I just was talking to him like he was just a regular guy. Yeah. And he acted like a regular guy. Oh, yeah. There were a couple of times at those clubs, he would pop into those clubs all the time. And there were a few times he called me up on stage with him to riff with him, which was great. And what I remember most about him, I was at the Improv, and I wasn't known at the time. I mean, I was known to the comics and everything like that, and I guess he had seen me a few times there.

And so I'm getting ready. They're just about to introduce me. And then the door opens up and Robin comes in. So, of course, they go, oh, Robin, you're on. Gilbert, go away. And Robin, you're on next. And Robin said to them, he goes, oh, I have a few people in the audience to see me, and I'd like them to see Gilbert first. Wow. And that always stuck with me.

That's so nice of him. When you started and you were 15 years old, what were the laws then about going on stage in a nightclub? You were allowed to perform? Yeah. You know what's funny about that? i don't think anyone asked questions like one time i wanted you know i was like oh god 13 or whatever you know and i wanted to go into uh see a porn movie and uh go into one of these porn shops where you put a quarter in and see 10 seconds. And so I got a phony ID card, which made me a year older. And I thought, oh, this card will get me in.

And I went into one of these, like, porn theaters or whatever. And I hold up the card. And the guy, like, looks at me like, what fucking planet are you from? We don't care. I could have been an infant being wheeled in there. And it's like, they don't, like, it was really like, who gives a fuck, you know? It's like they don't like it was really like, who gives a fuck? You know, that's an interesting transition in this world. Right.

Between what porn is now where people get it on their phone, you know, versus. Yes. You had to be in a theater. You had to. Yeah. You had to leave your house. Yeah. And and and be seen walking into the theater and seen walking out of the theater.

Yeah. Well, the next step was video rentals. Yes. And then remember, there was like those beads that you had to go through. Oh, yeah. To get to the board section. There's either saloon door, like a swing saloon door, or beads where you'd go into the adult section and no one would make eye contact in there.

Everybody would be all weirded out and they'd be just grabbing these boxes real quick, just pick something and go rent it. Yeah. You're standing there like you're in a urinal. Yes. Exactly. You look down, you don't talk to the other person. But some guys would be looking at the boxes, spinning it around.

Yeah. And those boxes all had explicit scenes on them. Yes. So you would pick up the porn box and the box would be all these pictures of people fucking. Yeah. And it was like out in the open. Like it was weird. Like you don't have anything like that today where someone can mistakenly walk through some beads and then pull a box out and

go oh jesus yes yeah right it's like well i remember in times square there was show world that was the big and those are peep shows right yes there were peep shows and some stage uh uh they had cabaret no uh they uh yeah they um yeah some yeah like they allegedly live sex shows i saw one where like i go it's funny how he could fuck this girl when he doesn't have a horn on and uh there was they used to have these machines you'd put a quarter in and it would show something and it would be nothing would be happening and then all of a sudden the girl would unbutton her blouse and you go oh okay here it go and then it would go out you need another quarter another quarter and then she'd start to lift up her skirt, go out another quarter. And, oh, I just remembered another celebrity who I got that thrill from

was one time I was doing, I think it was like a roast of Jerry Lewis. I think it was like a roast of Jerry Lewis. And afterwards, Jerry Lewis came up to me and he said, Gilbert, you are out of your fucking mind. And I wouldn't want you any other way. I thought that's the greatest compliment. Did you ever see the interview of Jerry Lewis before he died? He was rather old. Rather than the one after he died.

Yes. That one was scary. But it was late. Oh, wait. Was this the one where he gets, yes. Yes. That's scary. Yes. He was giving one-word answers.

Yes. And he was mad. Yeah. I don't know what the guy said to piss him scary. Yeah, it's like giving one-word answers. Yes. And he was mad. Yeah. I don't know what the guy said to piss him off. Yeah. I mean, the guy sounded like a schmuck, the reporter. He did. He was a terrible interviewer.

Yeah. But, yeah, that was scary. It showed, well, I've heard that about you. Well, you know what? I think also it's like the man is doing an interview without trying or even attempting to have a human connection with Jerry Lewis in his home. Yes. Instead of it being like a skillful conversation where he's like, first of all, appreciating the man, thanking him for his time, telling him what a great actor and comedic actor he's been all his career, and just asking him questions. Express yourself about these things. Instead, he's asking all his career, and just asking him questions, express yourself about these things.

Instead, he's asking him, like, why do you still do comedy? Yes, yes. Like, he's asking dumb questions. Yeah. Same thing. I thought, you know, first show him some respect. Yes, yes. Make a connection, like, as a human being with him.

Instead of just throw some questions his way, have a conversation with the man. I mean, the guy's, I mean, Jerry Lewis has been around forever. Yeah. I mean, you have a rare opportunity to talk to a guy that was at the early days of like films and show business.

Yeah, when he was around, when all the top show business people, he never hung out with the actual Rat Pack, but he was friends with every member of the Rat Pack. Well, when we did the Comedy Store, you know, the Comedy Store used to be Ciro's nightclub. It used to be Bugsy Siegel's nightclub. And there was all these photos that they had. They had all the Ciro's memorabilia.

And some of the photos were like the marquee where it said Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis when they would do a live show. Yeah. And, you know, you get to see these photos of like a young, like 20-year-old Jerry Lewis on stage with Dean Martin. Yeah. Yeah, there they are. Wow. There's Sammy Davis and where's Jerry Lewis? I just happen to have this one already ready to go.

Oh, Humphrey Bogart. He's with Humphrey Bogart here. Humphrey Bogart. What year is this? He was very young there too. It doesn't say. It doesn't say? 55. Wow. Jeez. So that is around

the year. Oh, and Jeff Chandler. Okay. Let's go back to the... That's Jeff Chandler. He was like a leading man during the 50s. In films? Yeah. Other famous Jew.

Jeff Chandler. And according to a story Sammy Davis told, it might be totally bullshit but sounds good. You know, he got into that terrible car accident where he lost his eye. And so he was friends with Jeff Chandler. And Jeff Chandler used to visit him and he would be in a coma. And according to the story, Jeff Chandler put a Star of David in his, he opened up Sammy's hand. Because I think when people pass out their hands close, and he opened up his hand, put in a Star of David. And so for the rest of his coma, he was holding on to this.

And when he opened it up, there was the Star of david and he took it off and it was an imprint on his hand permanent yeah well i don't know permanent but it took pretty deep yeah interesting so it's it's one of those stories you want to believe yeah yeah those old school people had no one to model their career by. That's what's interesting. Yeah. If you think about like the 1930s and 40s, like those early movies. Yeah. Like there was no generations before that.

Yeah. It's not like there's a hundred years of films that you can go back like today and look like today, if we want to look at like a 1933 movie, we can look at a 90-year-old film and go, wow, look at King Kong from 90 years ago. Back then, there was nothing. Yeah. 90 years before that, there was nothing. There was no movies.

There was barely... There wasn't even cameras, right? Yeah. Or maybe there was cameras. Yeah. I don't know. Did we figure this out? I think it was late 1700s. For Christ's sakes.

Yeah, they had photos, but cameras wouldn't be a thing. Yeah. That would have been a way to take photographs, but not really handheld. Right, one of those things. Here's what I think about with cameras. Like now, you know, a pigeon is on a statue. You'll find like five billion photos taken of it because everyone has a camera and i think about the zabruta film of kennedy being shot one fucking little grainy thing yeah the president

and it's like one little thing now you'd have it it from inside his body, the bullet coming out. Yeah, and it would be 4K and everybody would be streaming and Androids and iPhones. And that one film, you know, that film wasn't released until more than 10 years after the assassination. Yeah. That's what's really crazy. Yeah. I think it was 10 years. That film was released by Dick Gregory, another comic, who went on the Geraldo Rivera show.

Geraldo Rivera had a television show, and Dick Gregory and Geraldo Rivera showed the Sapruder film to the public for the very first time. Wow. It's a wild video. It's really... Geraldo Rivera had bell bottoms on. Oh, yeah. 1970s dress.

What year was that? I don't remember what the name of... Geraldo Rivera had like bell bottoms on. Oh, yeah. 1970s dress. Neighborhood jacket. What year was that? I don't remember what the name of it was. Like Geraldo Rivera had a talk show. I don't think it was called Geraldo. It was a different talk show. But he had Dick Gregory on his talk show. And Dick Gregory came on and he had acquired the Zapruder film.

And I believe Time owned it forever, like Time Magazine, and they didn't do anything with it. Yeah. Wow. And I think they probably saw it, and they saw what did Gregory and the rest of the world like a change of shot from behind. Yeah. Like you saw his head go back and to the left, and you're like, what the fuck is that?

1975. Yeah. So there you go night america host so 12 years later 12 years after the assassination i just got a flashback when we were talking about porn because that's my favorite no yeah um i remember years ago when, like, you know, these cable stations were first starting, and they didn't have that much, you know, stuff to fill it up with. Programming. Programming. They didn't have, or as I call it, stuff. Now, that programming.

So I think here, if you could look this one up i think it was showtime um or i think it's called showtime and it was aerobicize and it would just be girls in uh in like spandex exercising and and i mean this was to me beyond porn back then yeah it's funny because people didn't is this it oh yeah look a ron harris videotape yeah oh wow that to me is better than actual porn why is it better i don't know there's something about that uh is it's so overtly sexual yes yeah yeah they're barefoot and most of the shots are from behind yeah and it's the cameras are pointed between their legs and they're throwing their legs up into the air and it's like they're giving you the gap shot. Yes. And now all of them moving their asses. A robe of size.

And are they trying to pretend that it is a workout that you can do with them? What is the music, Jamie? So it's just music. So now they're throwing punches. Well, now it's boring. Yeah. See, this to me was, I didn't have cable for years and years. And so when I had a friend who had had this, this was like unreal.

So they are pretending that it's an exercise show that you can do along with it. Yeah. But really, the way they're filming it it's like look at this i mean come on this is so sexual oh yeah she's like literally thrusting her hips up into the air and you see her her camel toe yeah hilarious and she's throwing her head back like she's an ecstasy yeah an orgasm face well it's it's interesting that we've seen, just in our lifetime, a great change in what show business is. Yeah. But if you just take it back to the generation before us, like the Sammy Javis Jr. generation or the Jerry Lewis, these people had nothing to go on.

I always talk about Elvis. Yeah. There was no Elvis before Elvis. Yeah. The guy was out there on his own. There had never been a rock star before he was literally the first like real like worldwide rock star oh here's something uh there are a million famous actresses who who dated elvis you know you'll find all these actresses,

and all of them claim, oh, yeah, every other girl fucked him, but I didn't. That's hilarious. And I'm thinking, oh, bullshit. Well, he might have been pilled up at the time. Oh, yeah. He might not have been able to perform.

I mean, there's some moments where Elvis was just completely out there, out of his fucking mind. My favorite is him doing karate. Oh, yes. When he would get pilled up. So he's like high as a fucking kite doing karate. It is wild to watch. I mean, it's so strange because they were all pretending that he was doing real karate.

Yeah. And he had like a seven degree black belt or something crazy like that but it's bullshit karate like it's not real and he's got a long collared shirt on underneath his karate gi it's like the kind of karate you used to see in like the old james bond movies where they'd had their fingers sticking straight out and they do a chop on the neck. And that was like, it was kind of like how in movies you hit somebody with a blackjack or the butt of a gun on their head and they go out. It used to be like that karate chop.

Exactly. Exactly. There's a scene where Elvis is doing a demonstration. He has all these guys with their knuckles on his neck. Like, they're all, like, pushing. And he's like, and he pushes them back, and they all go falling down. Oh, yeah. And he's like, yeah, man, look at what I just did.

That wasn't rehearsed. And he's high as a kite. Yeah. And just so high. It's so obvious. Like, you look at his eyes. He's, like, blurry. But that guy, like, he was on his own there had never been a person that had gotten that famous before yeah him and michael jackson

michael jackson had hit like another another realm of that i i also heard like well the beatles in interviews said when they first came to america the first person they wanted to meet was elvis and they went to his house and uh first they're all sitting around they were like in awe of meeting this god and then uh elvis said something like you know why don't we just take out our guitars and jam and they started playing and i thought there is no fucking even snapshot of this yeah i mean imagine that on film uh the elvis and the beatles well later which is really crazy when elvis was out of his mind on pills he went to talk to n in the White House. Yes, yes. And he wanted to stop people from doing drugs. He wanted to be like some, like.

Like a narc. Yeah, like a narc, like, for the country. Yeah. Fighting drugs. Meanwhile, he's on pills. Yeah, yeah. He was probably, like, Nixon was probably trying to figure out what words he was saying. And he had a gun with him. Did he have a gun on him?

I think he had a gun with him. He was stoned with a gun, but it's Elvis. You're going to say, Elvis, can we pat you down? They probably didn't even have metal detectors back then, right? They probably just let him walk to the White House with a fucking

gun. See if there's a picture of elvis with a gun on his hip at the white house because i know there's that famous photo of him wearing sunglasses shaking nixon's hand oh yes and that was the pill popping days so he's for sure he was on pills yeah it's not like he sobered up and went to the white house yeah i'm i'm sure Nixon, like, undisputed. Look at his fucking glasses. That is so unreal. The one I'm looking at is the one, that's where he's got the glasses on. Those are the old school Elvis glasses. Look how cool those glasses were.

Oh, yeah. Can I buy those anywhere? Do they sell Elvis glasses like that? Like his actual ones? No, no, no, like that. They need to make a copy. I need to call ROCA. ROCA, you need to make an Elvis sunglass.

But that one where they're shaking hands with the collared shirt, like right to the left of your cursor? Yeah, that's it. That's fucking classic. Look at his outfit. Yeah. And that collared shirt, that crazy collar, that's the same thing he wore under his karate gi.

That was his trademark look. So even when he was doing karate. Here, we could show some oh god oh look at the collar shirt oh he's good he could hardly balance himself so these guys are doing these demonstrations this is like so corny and just walking in like that look at him with the sunglasses on just blasted out Out of his fucking mind. This is karate from a bad helm film But this but it's what's fascinating about Elvis is like there was no one who existed before him That he could even talk to yeah, it's not like you know if you if you're a musician today, and you could Gain the presence of Willie Nelson.

Yeah. You could talk to Willie like, what was it like on the road? You could ask questions. You could become his friend and talk to him. And he could maybe give you some insight into what it's like in show business. But Elvis is on his own. There's nobody. Yeah.

There was no fucking giant rock stars before him. Oh, here's another old joke uh what's the what's the worst thing a woman can hear when a man is fucking her i'm not william nelson jesus christ Jesus Christ. How odd. These early comics, when you were working, was everybody just doing those impression things or telling jokes? When was the first time you saw someone that was like a Lenny Bruce type act, who was talking about stuff?

Well, there were some who were doing that. Mort Sahl? Yeah. Well, I'd never seen Mort Sahl in person, but you know, like... Did you see Lenny in person? No.

And I saw... But there were these comics around back then, like, you know, Robert Klein, David Steinberg, and, you know, P klein david steinberg and you know prior carlin so there were people who were talking about things did you see uh prior on stage back then uh i once once many many years ago i remember hardly any of it what year was that oh god i remember i went with my sisters and it was a whole show

maybe it was old people who were assigned to motown at one time and so i didn't i don't remember a thing of what he said and so when did you like officially become like a professional like that's all you did was that your first job or did you have other jobs yeah oh i had many other like shit jobs beyond shit like these different messenger jobs and stuff like that uh i had one what i remember most about one of the jobs I had, it was some company that made, you know, anti-burglary things, you know, like where they you had like a metal pencil that you scratch, you know, your number into. So if they ever found if they found your TV or whatever, they could show it was yours. And so they one time had me sitting there for the day with a big pile of metal pencils and a glass ashtray. And my job there was to take the pencil and run it across the ashtray. And the ones that scratched it were the good

sharp ones that went into the good pile and the other ones, the bad pile. And what I remember about it, this is true, on the package, it said tested by skilled craftsmen. And so I guess I was the skilled craftsman there. That's hilarious. Yeah. And so when did you become a full-time professional? Wow, full-time. Wow. Wow.

Let's see. It started, hmm. I started doing more and more clubs. Like like, oh God, I don't remember. You know, I don't know. And then that led up to Saturday Night Live, which was awful. Yeah, I don't know. It was awful? Yeah, I started to do more and more. no i started yeah i started to do more and more there would be these shows like in jersey or long island where like you'd get like you know 15 to 20 dollars to work there and that that to us felt

like oh we're in the big time right well 15 20 back then, that's probably a couple hundred bucks today. Yeah. Yeah. So, but yeah. So that's when you started making a living. Well, no. Then later on, well, with Saturday Night Live was the first time of, oh, I also did, I did a pilot. also did uh i did a pilot i was out in la to audition for one pilot i didn't get and then a friend of mine a comic said i'm in this pilot uh you want to come and audition with me for it i'm already in it and and i got that never it never had it was terrible and um that And that one was called The Adventures of Wally Brown. And one of the actors just died recently, Peter Scolari. Oh, the guy from Bosom Buddies. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

And so he was one of the stars of that. Wow. But that was my first time of, I don't remember how much I got, but getting a check and going, wow, this is actual money. So was SNL before or after that? That was, SNL was after. And you said SNL was terrible? Yeah. Well, the season I was on, like the original – well, Lorne Michaels left and the original cast left. Oh, really? So people hated the show before it even got on the air.

Lorne Michaels left at one point? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yes, yeah. And it came back? Yeah. Then they got in Dick Ebersole was the next one. Warren Michaels left at one point? I didn't know that. He came back? Back then of Saturday Night Live with different cast members, that just wasn't – now it's like the cast changes every five minutes. Right.

But back then it was like, no. It would be like saying like in the middle of Beatlemania that, oh, we're getting four other guys to be the Beatles. Right. mania that uh oh we're getting four other guys to be the beatles or or when friends was on we're recasting friends but just watch it same way and so there were there were news stories and articles saying how dare they this was sacrilege so that's funny so you were like the second cast? Yeah, we were the second cast. And it's like- Everybody left? Yeah, yeah.

All the original people were gone. And it was like, see, you don't want to be the replacement. You want to be the replacement of the replacement. Because then you get one guy that's the sacrificial lamb that they throw into the fire. And then next it's like, oh, well, it's better than that other guy. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Then you come in after you and then you can actually be accepted. Yeah. Slightly. God damn. Did you enjoy the process at all? Not really. yeah slightly god damn did you enjoy the like the process at all no and not really and i i was uh nothing new i was always weird um when i was auditioning there were a few auditions some at a comedy club, others in their office. And it would be like lots of people there.

And I would hear, you know, other people who auditioned who would say, oh, they were so hateful of everybody else who was against them in there. And I remember just out of weirdness, not courage, out of weirdness. remember just out of weirdness not courage out of weirdness I I didn't take auditioning for Saturday Night Live as something important I don't know why I just didn't and I would go there and do bits and everything and when I was on it I didn't feel like well i mean there was a reason i didn't feel like a star there because everyone was torn to shreds in the press but and then when i got fired from it i you know thought okay oh the way i got fired from saturday night live there used to be a a table there that they would throw fan letters when there was a such thing as fan letters. Now it's, you know, who writes a fan letter anymore? It's all, you know, email and stuff.

And that they so I was waiting. They had fired the producer and Dick Ebersole came in. He said, all right, well, we're just going to make changes here and there. Nothing major. Come in next week and we'll discuss it. And they were taking people in one by one. And I'm waiting there. And killing time, I see a girl writes a fan letter to me from like omaha or

whatever and i open it up before i even get into the office i open the letter and it starts off dear gilbert i'm so sorry about what happened to you so i found out from a fan letter from some 15 year old girl how did she find out yeah I don't know but maybe she saw it coming yeah she started writing it after the first episode oh the writings on the wall yeah yeah this guy sucks was it the same kind of environment because the thing about saturday night live that I keep hearing from former cast members is that it was like a dog eat dog world over there and people would be backstabbing people and stealing their their ideas for sketches yeah jim brewer had a horrible time there yeah i remember well i remember like i didn't like the writers, and the writers hated me. And so one time, to prove it, how much they hated me, they wrote a funeral sketch where I was the dead body. So I just had to lie there in the coffin.

That's it? Yeah. Wow. Just to fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. The environment, Phil Hartman said the same thing. He said the environment over there was

just toxic like everybody was like at each other's throats and just wasn't fun they were always like just hamstringing each other yeah always trying to fuck each other over and ruin each other's sketches not laughing at each other's sketches when they're laying them out that kind of thing yeah that there was like a like a lot of politics over there and you had to learn the politics. He hated it. So did Jim Brewer. Yeah. I think, yeah, I didn't have a great time there at all.

Some of those sketch shows are just so different than stand-up. Yeah. Is there any other thing that you like doing? Do you like acting? Yeah. Yeah. I always, you know, I was in a couple of movies, if you could call what I do acting, but I was in a couple of movies. And, you know, like,

one of those things that, well, the first thing, the first thing that actually made me made me a real celebrity and a celebrity that people liked was one time I was at Catch and these people were there and they said they're from MTV. Would I like to come in and audition for something? And I went on, nothing prepared, and I just started improvising stuff. And they were filming it and then didn't hear anything from them and didn't, you know, thought, oh, I didn't get this. And then people started recognizing me on the street and coming over to me. And I found out that the thing I, what they filmed of me auditioning with, they chopped up and were showing throughout the day on MTV. And that was the first time I was known and it was something good.

Were they paying you for that? I later asked them, you know, can I get something? Because they weren't paying me at first. That seems ridiculous. Yeah. They were just showing them. So I said, do I get anything? So then they sent me a couple of hundred dollars.

And even better, my agents at William Morris, they wound up taking 10% of that. Oh, my God. Yeah, something they had zero to do with. MTV was notoriously cheap back then. Yeah, something they had zero to do with. MTV was notoriously cheap back then. Yes, yes. They offered me $500 for a pilot to do a pilot for a television show that they were doing. And then if I did it and the television show got picked up, I would be under an exclusive contract with them for many years.

I forget how many years it was. But what had happened with them was they had done those little sketches that they did with Dennis Leary. Yes. And Dennis Leary became very popular from those. People forget that Dennis Leary at one point in time was very famous, and he had gotten very famous from these MTV clips where he was like- Smoking a cigarette. I hate this.

Smoking, doing commentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real fast. And that went on to do some other stuff, but became a star. And they felt like they got fucked because they had made him famous, then he left. And so they're like, okay, if we make someone famous, we're going to lock them in. And so they offered me this ridiculous lowball contract. I was like, this is the craziest.

And then my manager sent my tape from MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour, which is what led them to try to offer me this pilot, sent it out to a bunch of people, and I wound up getting a development deal and then moving to California and doing this show Hardball on the news radio but it all came out of MTV being cheap because if they had offered me like a good halfway decent yeah I would have done it for sure I was like wow the opportunity to be on MTV that was when that show Remote Control was on yes you know it was a

big thing to be on MTV at the time was one of the best vehicles for you to get famous oh yeah with young people and yeah because that's how people started to know me and it was like it's so funny now that uh you know the letters mtv could be used as a trivia question. Right. It's like it used to be so important. It was everything. Everything. It was on 24 hours and people would watch it 24 hours. And they started doing comedy shows on it.

They did the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. And that was a big deal. That was to get on the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour and have that was a big deal. That was to get on the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour and have a good set, could make your career. That's when I started headlining like really good clubs. It was because of my credit from MTV. That was like my first real

television stand-up credit. Now nobody gives a fuck. Is it even around anymore? Another thing like that, how stuff that used to be important remember for for years the most important war in the country that they were reporting on was the war of letterman leno and conan you know oh who gets Tonight Show? Why did he get it? Why didn't this? And that was like the most, more than a real war. That was the most important war.

And now it's like say those names to anybody. Yeah. And like if you say Letterman, they'll go, I don't know. Who is that? That's strange. I don't know. Who is that? That's strange.

And then Conan, he wound up, after the two of them left their shows, Conan had a show, and his show was like, he has a show? It was one of those. Well, TBS, it was odd. Yeah, yeah. And the whole thing was, it didn't ever caught on. It was like everybody was mad that Jay Leno took the spot from him you know which I don't understand why they he was he was one of those hated people yeah you have to hate Jay Leno I didn't understand that yeah I didn't either it didn't make sense to me I did

a show a bunch of times and he was always nice to me and it's like they offered him the Tonight Show. And he said yes. That makes him a bad guy. I don't know if there's any behind the scenes like posturing and how it happened. But I remember Jimmy Kimmel berating him on his own show for taking the show from Conan O'Brien. And I remember thinking, what is this? Like why is everybody standing up for conan o'brien here if it didn't work out it didn't work out yeah that happens all

the time i mean what what happened there unless i'm missing something yeah unless i'm just not in the loop it was like you know uh jay leno they gave some kind of prime time talk show too that didn't work out right and and conan got the tonight show and that didn't work i think that was part of what people were upset with right it was like the tonight show was on but jay leno was on covering all this stuff that you would see in the tonight show right before the tonight show and it probably took us some of the wind out of the sails yeah tonight show i don't know but like yeah conan wasn't getting ratings in that hour i think the reason why they moved jay leno was because he wasn't getting the younger

viewers right which is what they need for advertising dollars oh yeah and then they put him back and and it was yeah but i and it's like when i see them, angry, they don't get to Tonight Show. And I was thinking, well, Letterman has a very successful show that he was making a lot of money off of that was just like the Tonight Show. And Conan was making a really nice living off his show that was just like. So you have something that's just like the tonight show that millions of people are watching so what the fuck yeah it doesn't have the title it was weird it's like the tonight show was the holy grail because of johnny carson yeah right the johnny carson effect like everybody wanted to be the next carson and everybody else that was doing these other shows

on other networks you were just pretenders. Yeah. You know? But then when Letterman went over to CBS, that was a great show. Yeah. Like everybody loved that show. It wasn't the Tonight Show, but it didn't have to be.

Like why does it have, like people know you're there. Like they'll watch it. Like it doesn't have to be that, but that name. Yeah. The Tonight Show was what everybody wanted. Yes, yeah. They were coming up. They wanted to be that, but that name, The Tonight Show, was what everybody wanted. Yes, yeah. They were coming up. They wanted to be the host.

Which was insane. Did you ever see that HBO docu-series, the docu-drama? Yes. Where they reenacted the Letterman. I love those. So weird. I think it was called Late Night Wars or something like that. Yes, something like that.

Such a strange. And that's one thing that they hated about Leno is they said that he hid in the closet and was listening in on one of the meetings. Like, are you sure that happened? Yeah. Like, did he tell you it happened? Did they catch him? Like, how do you know that happened? Yeah.

I'd like to know. I remember with, you know, I did Letterman a bunch of times, a bunch of times, and I did Conan a bunch of times. And then somehow I got like on Leno. They, you know, see, just seemed like every couple of weeks they would call me when something happened in the news. They fly me out there and I'd be one of those sketches at the beginning. So I was like I was Osama bin Laden's nephew I was uh Timmy bin Laden I was Harry Potter I was uh uh you know Prince Charles wife yeah camellia camella or something is that camellia And oh, I was King Kong in a sketch.

Those I loved doing. Yeah. Well, something happened somewhere along the line where nobody gave a fuck about those late night talk shows anymore. It's like they went away. Like the relevance of them in terms of like cultural significance, the way people talk about them they don't care anymore yeah it's like now if you say who are the hosts of these of late night shows you'd go okay wait a minute wait a minute i know and it was you'd have to think about it that's myers jimmy fallon yeah it's odd it's like what it used to be it doesn't matter anymore yeah Yeah. Everybody became Carson Daly. Yeah. It's like Carson Daly had that weird, obscure,

like fairly late night show that a lot of different people, that's what all of them are like now. Yes. Yeah. Whereas like something shifted in the culture where they didn't enjoy those kind of programs anymore. Yeah. Like their ratings are abysmal. But especially like Conan before he left,

his ratings were so low. It was weird. Like, you'd read the ratings, and you'd be like, that's all that's watching? This is crazy. And also, what's different now in showbiz in general, but it used to be, you know, like Channel 7 was in competition with Channel 4. Right. Stuff like that.

Oh, and they have that show and we only have this. And now there's no such a thing as a war between two. It's a war between this and the rest of show business. Yeah. There's like a billion other things to watch. And there's so many things that are streaming like there's no time period it doesn't matter if it's thursday night at eight o'clock which is friends right yeah that was the spot you wanted to be right after friends they they always talked about how

like it may have been your show of shows with sid caesar that uh they they used to talk about how at the reservoir you could see the water drop because toilets were flushing at the same time all over the place because it's a commercial. Quick, run. Now's your chance. Really? Yeah, that's what they say. They said the water would drop in the reservoir.

Really? Yeah, that's what they say. They said the water would drop in the reservoir. And now it's like there's no running home to see something anymore. No, there's none of that. And everybody has DVRs so you can record things. Yeah. And so many things are streaming. I think most kids today don't even have cable.

They just have internet and they have Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime, and they use all those things. And if you even like HBO, you can watch the shows on HBO Max. Yeah. There's no reason to just have, like, regular cable anymore. Yeah, there's no such a thing as missing a show. Right. Yeah, and it's – yeah, there's so many things have changed and it's like now

yeah it used to be you'd have to hold it in when you watch this show yes you couldn't miss something yeah yeah and the world is just different it's not just different in terms of options it's different in terms of what they're willing to watch because the idea of a talk show where these short segments where you just sit down and someone tells you about their new album it's boring it's just not interesting

it's too short they don't go into depth enough you don't really relate to it and it's all censored too we're used to so much uncensored content now yeah you know that to try to get someone to watch like an old tonight show like the way we used to watch it it's just not the world's past the genre the genre is just not applicable anymore it it's kind of like to uh you know you when a movie was in a theater, you had to go see it in a theater.

Yeah. Now it's playing in the theater and on TV. Yes. Well, that's what I prefer. I mean, I love going to the movies. It's great. You have popcorn. You sit down.

But the risk of some moron talking on the phone. Oh, fuck yeah. Or looking at their phone or talking to the people next to them it's just it's too much it's just it happens too often it happens like one out of ten times and it ruins it yeah they're having a whole conversation and it's like you're in the movie someone will walk in the door and they'll go oh look he's walking in the door and it's like yeah those are the best those people are the best. Yeah, it's just. And that it cost you a fortune to go to a movie theater now.

Well, it's a thing to do, right? You go on a date, then you go to the movies. I used to love the place in LA. It was Cineopolis or Cineopolis. I don't know exactly how you say it. But they had a menu. Oh, yes. And the food was really good. We're climbing chairs chairs that was nice and when waiter service yeah they deliver it to you because they it well it's just like uh

when tv came out that's when movies started doing 3d because it's like oh oh, see, you can see this on TV. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. 3D movies. Do they make those anymore? Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the last Jurassic Park movies was in 3D. I didn't see it in 3D.

They had just three in 3D. Oh, but for that one scene, that one stupid scene where the shark's coming towards you. It was only really applicable in one scene. Yeah, the 3D glasses were always the fucking weird part of that. Those fucking weird red and blue glasses you put on. Yeah, they give you a headache immediately. Yeah. It's just not worth it.

And what do they have to do to make a movie 3D? I think it's shot with two different cameras. And it's like they're like one gets a little of it this way, one a little. And then they put them together. And with the glasses, it brings the pictures together and somehow creates a 3D effect. And the funny thing is the first 3D movie was a movie called Bawana Devil. And it was direct. The director had one eye.

And so he couldn't see if the 3D was working. Because 3D tricks your eyes. Right, the two eyes. So the director didn't know if anything he was directing worked. It's called Bawana Devil? Bawana Devil. And also 3D. I didn't see that.

Like in Disneyland and stuff, they have 3D stuff that works. Yeah. Where you really want to reach out and grab things. But most of the 3D movies I've watched, it's just a gimmick. Yeah. And it seems like I don't feel like anything's coming out of the screen here. I feel like the next real change in all those kind of films, there it is. Oh, yes, yes, see?

Buona Devil. Dun, dun, dun. 1952. You're watching it without glasses, so it's like blurry. Right. All in blazing action. Buona Devil in thrilling color. Starring Robert Stack. Barbara Brittney. This is Devil in thrilling color. Starring Robert Stack.

Barbara Britton. This is where they talk. Savage jungle violence as killer lions terrorize a fierce warrior tribe. And a relentless white hunter challenges death itself for the love of his beautiful bride. It's the unforgettable African adventure story that made screen history. Your pulse will pound. To every throb of this jungle fury. That's sexual.

They're doing that on purpose. Yes. Your pulse will pound to every throb. They would always promise you in those ads the words they'd use. And in the posters, they would have like girls with their, you know, their dress ripped down the side. And you'd always think, oh, this is going to be hot. And then it never was. Yeah. That's the way they sell things, though. It's kind of interesting that they've always done that. Like from the beginning of of advertising it's always been like a hot girl with a cigarette yes there's something about sex and i you know i've never seen them but there were a handful of

three stooges films made in 3d you know the three stooges shorts and according to what i've heard the 3d and them boys in bed three Three stooges and 3-D. So you really thought Moe was spooking you in the eyes? Oh, that's hilarious. Those are the kind of movies you can never do today. They're bullying each other and hitting each other. Oh, yes. People would never tolerate it.

No, no. They'd be like, this is not funny. This is rude. Yeah, like in the later full-length stooges, Stooges, they weren't doing that. No. Like, he's being abusive to him. Yeah, it was like, yeah, we, you know, I grew up on these movies. All the kids grew up on these movies. Taking a saw and running it across someone's head.

You know, hitting a hammer. Well, how about the old cartoons? Oh, yes. They were so violent. Yes. Everyone was getting shot in the face. Everyone was getting blown up. Anvils were dropping on people's heads.

It was always violence. Yes. That's what people thought was funny. You know what's really fucked? Watch the early Popeyes. Because in the early Popeyes, Bluto was just a rapist he was just trying to rape olive oil and olive oil is running away no bluedo and he was grabbing

oh yeah they were horrible yeah popeye was one of those weird cartoons yeah real weird super violent yes super violent and super rapey. And then what always got me with Popeye, he would get, you know, he'd eat spinach to swallow a can of spinach to get strong. But he would first crush the can with his bare hand. Right. And I go, so he must have been pretty strong before the spinach average guy can't crush a tin can with his hand what weird propaganda for spinach yes like i remember when i was a kid i asked my dad if i could have a can of spinach to sleep with i wanted

i wanted to hold on to it when i went to bed because I love Popeye. I was probably four or something like that. I just thought a can of spinach would be a good thing to sleep with. Oh, and remember, that was a terrible movie. Robin Williams as Popeye. Oh.

That wasn't that bad. Shelley Duvall with the big crazy fake forearms. Yeah. But it's like, why spinach? Yeah. Spinach is not that bad. Shelley Duvall. Yeah. With the big crazy fake forearms. Yeah. But it's like, why spinach? Yeah. Spinach is not that good. I think it's because that was one of those famous foods that kids didn't like. Oh, right.

You know, eat your spinach, Billy. Right. And so, because Popeye was eating his spinach. Oh, so yeah. I'm strong to the finish because I eat spinach. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. Doot doot. Remember that?

And I remember there was like, when they still had kiddie show hosts, it was Captain Jack McCarthy. He would come out on this phony looking boat and he'd be in alooking boat, and he'd be

in a captain's outfit, and he'd present Popeye cartoons. And then there was Officer Joe Bolton, who would, you know, come out as a police officer, swinging his

nightstick. He'd show the Three Stooges. And, oh, there was chuck mccann i don't remember any of these guys yeah you know what the the worst one of those is the one from the uk that jimmy salville is that i say his name that's the guy that molested all those kids oh do you know that story no oh this is a horrible story because the guy looked like someone who'd molest kids. And he apparently molested kids for years and years and years. And everyone knew it. All the people that worked on the show knew it.

All the people that worked behind the scenes knew it. That's the guy. Oh, my God. If you hadn't told me that story, I'd look at him and say, child molester. Well, look, as he got older, he got really creepy looking. Oh, God, beyond creepy. And apparently he had molested hundreds of kids for fucking decades. And they didn't find out about it or they didn't prove it until after he was dead.

So after he was dead, how Jimmy Savile used power and fame to abuse hundreds of children for decades. After Jimmy Savile's death in 2011, I hope I'm saying his name right. Well, who cares? He's a fucking piece of shit and he's dead. An investigation into sexual abuse allegations against TV personality revealed that at least 500 victims, some of whom were just two years old. Oh, my God. Yeah. And this guy did this forever.

Put that back up there so I can see it. It says, when British TV and radio personality Jimmy Saville reached his knighthood, they knighted him in 1990. Oh, my God. Many asked, what took so long? ignited him in 1990. Oh my God. Many asked, what took so long? A beloved DJ and BBC presenter,

there was something about Savile's cigar-chomping, eccentric on-air personality that put audiences in the United Kingdom at ease. In the eyes of Savile's most staunch supporters and loyal followers, a knighthood was a fitting culmination to his career, which is fucking crazy. So if you look at the guy,

when you scroll down, all the pictures of him with kids oh just imagine that all these poor kids had no recourse and he was a sexually abusing all of them and and i mean it still goes on to this day if he's making money for you then uh you're a little more uh forgiving wow i I mean, that was always the Harvey Weinstein thing, right? He was making these massive blockbuster films, and the actresses just had to, the only way to get in these films was, like, when Tarantino was telling me this

about an old-time movie producer guy, that he had a bed in his office. So when the women would come in to audition, he would take the starlets to the bed he would fuck them all like that's how you got a movie role that was the only way you did it and and the funny thing is is like they always act like oh well this guy's in jail now the casting couch is over with right you know well the casting couch was pervasive. Yeah. Right. It was the whole business. Yeah. Like that's how those producers, that's how they cast these films.

Yeah. They made sure that these women fucked them. Yeah. Which is crazy. But then there's also the predator women who like, I know how to get ahead. Yes. I'm going to fuck this guy. Like not all of them were victims.

You hear these stories about famous actresses that they would come in, they'd offer to fuck them right away. Yeah, well, that's how, there's a lot of them that did it that way. Well, they realized early on, like, if you're an actress or an actor and you're just auditioning all the time and you're not getting ahead and you're getting desperate and years are going by. 20 billion beautiful girls auditioning with you. That's what's crazy, right? Yeah. And the reality of acting is certain acting, you know, if you want to be like Meryl Streep or Faye Dunaway or, you know, Daniel Day-Lewis, like that's a crazy high level acting that's

insanely difficult and it takes real immense talent. Most acting is not that. No. Most acting is pretend. Yeah. And you can do it. And you can do it probably pretty easy. Yeah.

Like most people who have half a fucking brain, you know, you can act. Yeah. A little bit. And yeah, I've heard like, yeah, there's loads of these famous names people say who've just fucked their way to the top. Yeah, it's wild. And I remember there was like one, you know, really famous top level producer who there was one woman who worked in his organization, one of the high level people. And it was just said. Very matter-of-fact,

oh, yeah, she fucked everybody to get there. It wasn't even like a put-down. Yeah. I know girls who have dated guys who are like the head of networks, and that's how they got shows. And I'm sure they all say, oh, I had no idea he was a movie producer.

Or that's not why I got the show. Yeah, no. We were working together and he appreciated my talent. Yes. Or the other, oh, another thing I heard is after, what was it? Whatever the name of that movie where Sharon Stone crosses her legs. Basic Instinct. Basic Instinct. After that, they said there was a large amount of actresses coming in,

wearing a skirt and crossing their legs and not having underwear. It became a thing. Do you remember when a bunch of the famous ladies, like publicly famous, where they would always be at parties and stuff, were getting photographed with no underwear on? Yes, yes, yes. There was like a phase. Yes.

Like Lindsay Lohan, those type of gals. Britney Spears. They just were showing their pussy. Yeah. It became a thing they did. Yes. But it came and went it was like

nah that's too much like people just stopped they did it for a little while and I was like oh my god is this what it's gonna be from now on but it was so obvious

cause all of the photographs were like from underneath yes like you didn't know that there was a guy lying on the ground with a fucking camera staring at your pussy

I love the fact Sharon Stone says she was strict. She didn't know that. And I'm thinking, oh, you didn't see, like, a light right between your legs? I don't know if she said that. Maybe she was misquoted, because that sounds like a ridiculous thing to say.

It was seductive. She knew what she was doing. She was purposely showing her beaver for a couple of seconds. And she probably got paid like 50 times as much for her next movie. I bet she did. Yeah. Well, she was also a great actress.

She did that on top of it. She was in some terrible movies too, though. She was in, it wasn't a terrible movie, but it wasn't a good role. She was in Above the Law with Steven Seagal. She was his girlfriend or his that was the early the early days that she couldn't pick and choose her roles you know but basic instinct was a good movie yeah and that scene was a good scene it worked like that character worked and look you would literally have to freeze frame it absolutely to see her pussy it was so quick and everyone when

they say oh you know you see her pussy in that scene i thought i remember it was showing on tv and and it was like you know cable so i would go right up to the screen i brushed my nose against the screen and not see it and it wasn't until like freeze frame you go oh okay there it is I've always wondered like the first the the what what some people have done like like girls like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Yeah. And all of them. And I'm thinking the old claim, it got robbed. Someone broke in.

And I'm thinking, so crooks break into a house and go, quick, let's watch. Let's get the sex tapes. That's what they get. Yeah. They're not looking for jewelry or money. They're going to find if they're a sex... That was always such a bullshit story. It's a bullshit story, but it's also effective.

The thing is, what I was going to get at, if they decided to do an actual porn, their career would be over. Yes. It's a weird loophole. Yes. Yeah. Right? If someone who is a famous actress, if a sex tape got out, it was like, oh, my God, it's a sex tape.

It'd probably make it more popular. Yeah. But if they just I guess Scarlett Johansson decided to do a film where she has sex with her husband and films it and then puts it out online or whatever. People would immediately lose their respect for her. Yeah, yeah. She would never get work again. But it's, and also it adds to the thrill of, oh God, I was trying, she was trying to hide this as well as she could. And somebody grabbed it. Right. And now we can see it. Right, we're not supposed to see it. We're naughty. We're being naughty. Yeah, And now we can see it. Right. We're not supposed to see it. We're naughty. We're being naughty. Yeah.

That's exactly what it is. I mean, I saw the one that I thought was totally boring. Most of them are boring. Yeah. The one that I thought was really boring, the Pam Anderson. Tommy Lee. Yeah. Yeah.

That was putting me to sleep. Nobody, I think that was the first one. Yeah. Right? Wasn't that the first of the sex tapes? One of them, certainly. Yeah. Yeah. That was putting me to sleep. Nobody, I think that was the first one. Yeah. Right? Wasn't that the first of the sex tapes? One of them, certainly. Yeah. I think that was the first one that was released like that.

Yeah. Oh, and remember when Dustin Screech Diamond put out a sex tape? I think he did it on purpose. Yeah. His was on purpose. He died. Yeah. He died recently. What did he die of? Like a heart attack or something?

Yeah, some kind of cancer or something that went through his body really quick. And see, they already did that movie Behind the Bell, I think it was called, where like, you know, stuff happening. Documentary

about the cast. Yeah, well, like TV movie with actors playing those happening. Documentary about the cast. Yeah, well, like TV movie with actors playing those actors. Oh, that's hilarious. Which I always love. Actors playing actors is hilarious. And they, so they already did that. And I thought, had they waited, you know, him getting sick all of a sudden and dying

could have been the ending. Because it's just like like they, you know, they put, they throw together these, you know, Hollywood true stories and behind the scenes. And they had one with the two Corys. You know, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim. And it ends with, and Corey Haim kicked drugs and is healthier and happier than ever. And Corey Feldman is now happily married. Yeah. I saw it again recently, and they put in a voice at the end afterwards saying, Corey Haim died and Corey Feldman got a divorce. I met Corey Feldman once.

I felt bad for him. He just seemed tortured. Yeah. He was one of those guys that had horrible stories about being sexually abused by producers yes in Hollywood both of them yeah both of them as as children and I believe him yeah it seems real and when you see the guy he's like well something went wrong I mean clearly being famous at a really young age like that is not good for you. Yes, yes. And then if his allegations of sexual abuse are true on top of that, it's terrifying.

Yeah, I heard both of them. The fucking business of just wanting to be chosen, of wanting to be the person who gets cast in this film, this project, then that's what you have to do to make your career. Just that dynamic alone. What a fucked up way to live. You know, it's just, and most of the people getting into it are already insecure. Yes.

And then on top of that, you got to be chosen. And then most of the time you're rejected. So you're rejected like, you know, nine out of 10 times if you're lucky. And you could see why, like, actors and actresses will fuck a producer and director exactly because they'll go hmm you know they're they're already figure they're already out fucking loads of people they don't like anyway so why not someone who can make you a billionaire also they probably at a certain point in time think this is probably the only way I can get in.

Yes. And that's what they want more than anything. I remember I had a buddy of mine and he had just gotten a television show. And I was there when he told his girlfriend. He was telling his girlfriend that he got this television. And the girl starts crying. And she's like, when is something ever going to happen to me? Ugh.

And he's like, but I just gonna happen to me and he's like i i but i yes yes i have a show like i'm happy fuck you when is something gonna happen to me that's all she could say is like when is it gonna happen to me for every girl like that there's a hundred thousand more yes and maybe more than that just waiting to do that exact same role. And it is one of these things like, you know, girls leave their hometowns where they're like, you know, drop dead gorgeous. And they show up in Hollywood where there's a trillion girls working in a laundromat. Yeah. You know, as beautiful as them, if not more. And a lot of them get into porn and

that's what's really crazy yes when you see porn stars that are just drop dead beautiful yes and they're just getting stuffed and and you see it like when they started doing like the high-end strip clubs and i go oh god this girl's beautiful. It used to be like strip clubs that were smelly and the girls were scuzzy looking. I think if you're like a really hot woman and you want to make a lot of money and you don't want to have a regular job, they just go, look, I'll just do this for a little while.

Yeah. Make some cash. Yeah. I wish there was an option like that for guys. I know. And, I mean, they have the male, like, Chippendales. Yeah. I wish there was an option like that for guys. I know. And I mean, they have the male like Chippendales. Yeah. But I don't think.

It's a little different. And I don't. I think women go there. It's festive. Yeah. Like it's a goof when women go there. Men, it's serious. Yeah.

And I think when women. And they do this in movies too and and women do it you know hooting and hollering and no that's not in a real strip club no one's hooting and it's very it's like what we were talking about before yeah you know you're not looking at the person sitting next to you and you're being very quiet and you're just staring yes yeah like you can't believe this is an actual naked woman in front of you like whoa man look at that she's naked crazy right there yeah she's looking at you like oh i think she likes me and and see there too like with porn, when I watch that, it's like in the first, you know, couple of minutes, oh, my God, look at this. And then somewhere along the way, it will hit me and I go, okay, another parrot tit.

Well, you definitely get desensitized if you watch too much of it. Oh, yeah. Right? I remember the first time I ever saw porn, I was probably like 14 or something like that my first time i saw it on a vhs like yes i couldn't believe it like the the shock of watching people have sex and how exciting it was like this is crazy yeah like you never get to recreate that feeling yeah it's so commonplace like my friends will send me some like ridiculous guys dick and and some poor girls trying to stuff in their mouth they think it's funny i'm like how many of these videos are out there yeah there's millions of them yeah i to me the first porn i saw that i was too young to see. But like I said, no one gave a fuck.

And that day, oh, remember that time? There was a time period when porn became a cool social thing to do. Deep Throat. Yeah, Deep Throat, Devil and Miss Jones. That, you know, legitimate movie theaters were showing porn. There's a video of Johnny Carson waiting in line to go see Deep Throat. Yeah.

And a bunch of other, like, prominent celebrities are waiting in line to go see this film, and they're going to sit down in a movie theater and watch this like they're watching any other kind of movie. And, yeah, I remember there were a lot. Then they'd make a bunch of porn, all hoping to be the next Deep Throat. And, yeah, and it would be classy movie theaters. Yeah. And somehow or another, people just got tired of that. Yeah.

I wonder what happened. Probably too many guys jacking off in the movie theater. I'm sure. You worried about the guys in back of you talking. Yeah. Getting whacked in the head. You're worried about the guys in back of you talking. Yeah. I know. Getting whacked in the head. I know how many people were just real creeps and they actually wanted to jerk off on someone.

Like if you're a woman and you're like that and there's some guy behind you with a raincoat on, you're like, is this safe? Is this a safe spot to be in? You want to be only in the back row. Yes. Yeah. It is weird how that like changed changed that there was a brief window and i don't know how long that brief window was where they would make an actual film with sex in there yeah do you know what vincent gallo is oh yes yes you know that whole story with him

no he made a film called brown bunny and in this Bunny. Oh, she sucks a cock in it. They had a real sex scene. She actually does, yeah. Chloe, how do you say her name? Chloe Sevenye, I think. That's it. So she and him have an actual oral sex scene. Yeah, they show her mouth on his cock.

Yeah, and it killed his career. Yeah. That film killed his career and he was like a celebrated guy he was in that i think buffalo 66 and he'd been in a bunch of films and he was a real eccentric interesting actor to a lot of people but after that that was it it all dried up i remember one time uh they said uh to me this was years years ago, that he wanted to do a movie, wanted me in one of his movies and to give him a call. And I gave him a call and I'm on the phone with him. And I think he mentions the movie like once in passing.

And then he's talking about all the different famous actresses he fucked and what their tits look like that's what you wanted to talk about that's hilarious he's an interesting guy like very eccentric yes every now and then i'll look at his instagram i'm like jesus christ very politically active if you want to say that. But just an odd duck. And I think that just wrecked him. You know? I mean, I don't know what his thoughts are on what it was like to do that. But before that, he was a big actor.

And then there are those movies with the rumors that the actors legitimately had sex. Yes. I'm sure that definitely happened. I had a buddy of mine, and he was in a film, and he had a sex scene with a girl under the sheet, and she said, if you want, we can have real sex. Oh, man. Yeah.

And he panicked, and he's like, in front of everybody? Like, how do we? Yeah. What do you mean? He's like, I don't have a condom. Yeah. And she wanted him to fuck her. Oh, man.

Look at you. You get excited. Yes. Fuck yeah. That's never happened in my career. Yeah. Well, I've never been in a sex scene either. Yeah.

It's weird to me how everybody wants to have sex. Yeah. Like most people want to have sex. But if someone sees you have sex, it's bad. The thing that can destroy any career, it's like in politics or a show business, oh, wait, they fuck a lot? Exactly. Right?

Well, with some people, there's double standards, though. Like, with some people, it's actually celebrated. Like Warren Beatty, right? It was celebrated that he fucked all these women. But if a woman fucks a lot of guys... She's a whore. She's a whore. That's not celebrated at all.

It's very strange. Or as we used to call it in Brooklynoklyn or who it's weird though that you couldn't you can't have real sex in a film but you could have at least what looks like real violence yes real violence like horrible gunshot wounds and terrible things blood everywhere nobody has a problem with that yeah which is way worse sex. But you know the funny thing about violence in movies? When you watch a fight in real life, out in a street fight, it's ugly and disturbing. And in movies, 99 times out of 100, it's kind of pretty to watch it's choreographed yeah this guy throws a punch that guy throws a punch right it's not real but the problem with that is it gets a

lot of people thinking that's what a fight is like yes they're out in the real world they actually want to get in fights yeah because they want to pretend they're that guy for the movie get their skulls crushed in real life yeah Yeah. Not good. Not good. Yeah. Because I do work for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. I'm a color commentator for the UFC. I've seen probably, I don't know, a thousand people get the fuck beaten out of them. I've called more than a thousand fights. Yeah.

But I've seen a lot of horrible beatdowns. And you get oddly desensitized to like physical violence. Well, you know what? This was a horrible time period when actors who their careers were over with needed to be on TV to make a check and be seen at the same time they were having those celebrity fights yeah they're still doing those yeah and I remember they'd have it with you know Danny Bonaduce I think the guy from who was screech was in one, Donny Osmond, and you'd go, this is like the Roman Colosseum. They just did one recently with Aaron Carter.

Oh, that's right. Yes. And Lamar Odom, pro basketball player, Lamar Odom and Aaron Carter. Oh, that's right. Yes. boxer but he beat the shit out of him and but it was sad it was because he was so much smaller than him first of all and then also like flailing wildly like really shouldn't have been there and they i you'd see the fighters they'd zoom in on them after the fight where like one eye is the size of a baseball and like blood's coming down their face you have no interest in celebrity boxing matches who would you fight if you had to fight someone in celebrity boxing maybe betty white what if you lost though yeah that would yeah i i could see her kicking my ass

that would be a real issue i i could get my ass kicked by Stephen Hawking Not anymore You outlived me Yeah How old are you now, Gilbert? Oh, God, I'm old How old are you? 66

You look good Yeah You look good for 66 Yeah Something about having fun, laughing Yeah How long do you think you're going to do stand-up tilt? Have you ever thought about it? Oh, God You look good for 66. Yeah. Yeah. Something about having fun, laughing. Yeah. How long do you think you're going to do stand-up, Till? Have you ever thought about it?

Oh, God. Are you just going to do it like Carlin did to the end? Yeah, I don't know. It's like I say it, and it's true. When I'm waiting backstage before I'm about to go on, I'm always thinking, oh, God, wouldn't it be great if the manager of the club came back and said, there's a fire or a flood, and here's your check, go home. So I always dream about that. But I think as long as they offer me a check, I'm going to be going, all right. But once you're on stage and you're killing, you still love it.

Yeah, more so than being backstage. It's kind of like being backstage about to go on is like being, you know, either at the beach or by a swimming pool and you're dipping your toe into the water and going, oh, that's horrible. That's freezing. And then when you actually are in it, then it's fine when you're in it. Yeah. You adjust. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a weird way to make a living. Yeah. Yeah. It's a weird way to make a living, man. Yeah. It's totally alien to most people to be the center of attention like that and to also be eliciting a response out of people. You have to make them laugh. Yeah. You have to figure out what's funny. Yeah. It's a weird way to live.

Oh, it definitely. And the other thing, show business in general and well, particularly comics and and that's that it's it's definitely two personalities that get you into the business one of them is you know i'm uh i'm great i'm great and the world is gonna know how fucking great i am and the other part is like oh oh please they have to love me they have to love me yeah so it's both and it's some people that fucking hate themselves yes they hate themselves then they get on stage and they you know they get just a little bit of life support just out of getting that laugh and then they get off stage they hate themselves even more oh oh absolutely and then then so many uh you know it's it's your uh your parents you know you still you still want to get approval from your parents. Yes. So they're not there, so the audience is your parents. What is your writing process like?

Oh, God, I'm terrible. Most of the bits I've come up with have all been, like, on stage. I start ad-libbing something, and I do it. But this whole thing, like, you know, where you hear Jerry Seinfeld talk and it's like, oh, well, I wake up at two o'clock in the morning and I type 5,000 pages and then I try it out that night. And yeah, no, I was terrible as far as sitting down writing. Do you ever do it?

Do you ever sit down and write? Not anything from my act. So most of the stuff that you say came from just performing a lot. Yeah. Yeah. But you do write stuff that's not in your act? Yeah. I mean, I wrote a bunch of articles in National Lampoon.

Oh. And like a handful for Playboy. Oh, really? I mean, I wrote a bunch of articles in National Lampoon. Oh. And like a handful for Playboy. Oh, really? Yeah. And there's another thing. Remember when Playboy, you know, Naked Girls, that was Playboy. Yeah.

You know, it wasn't anywhere else. That's where you saw Naked Girls was Playboy. Well, Playboy tried for like a couple of months to not have naked girls which is a real smart idea it's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life we're going to be progressive and evolve because you know

our articles on how to get the perfect shave laughter laughter laughter and they still on how to get the perfect shave. That's a late one. And they still, magazines and shows will still do that. The perfect shave.

And I'll go, throw some water on your face, put on shaving cream, and run the razor over it. There's no secret. Yeah, you don't have to go to a barbershop and trust a guy with a fucking straight edge near your neck too that's that's bizarre have you ever gone to a barbershop for a shave what the fuck are you talking about how goddamn easy it is to shave and i i remember and they talk about the perfect one what's how much better is one from the other? And one time I had a radio show, and some guys were there with girls plugging there.

They had like a barber shop where you could get a shave from a girl. And, you know, the thought of it sounds great because you're thinking, like a cute girl like she's shaving me like like I'm the king and everything and and so I thought all right I'll have one of them shave me and it wasn't one of those big grandpa shaves where no one knows big it was a small razor and afterwards when I got back to the hotel I had to shave again because they're just patches. She didn't know what the fuck she was doing. She was just hot. Yeah.

That's hilarious. Yeah, the hot girls doing thing. There was a place that was near me when I lived in California that had girls in bikinis that would cut hair. Yeah. So, yeah. They would have, like, bikini tops and booty shorts,inis that would cut hair. Yeah. So, yeah. They would have, like, bikini tops and booty shorts, and they would cut hair. So, it didn't give a fuck if they'd never cut hair before ever. You know, it's like, oh, hot-looking girl.

You know, one thing Playboy did that was interesting, they had good interviews. Yes. They used to have a compilation book that book that i i owned for a while i don't know where i left it but it was like all old interviews in playboy magazine over the years that were very interesting yeah like one of them was sinatra and i remember reading the the interview i'm like wow he's a surprisingly intelligent guy yeah he's uh and some of the just they were good interviews they were good at that. Like, it wasn't, there was no stigma attached to a woman being naked in a magazine.

It was like, and it was always the joke. I buy it for the articles. Oh, yes, yes. Right. But then they tried to sell just the articles. And people were like, get the fuck out of here. Yes. Give me some tits.

I'm lying. Yeah. Well, listen, Gilbert, it's been a real pleasure. It's been a treat to meet you. I appreciate you coming in here. And Skankfest, that's where Gilbert will be this weekend. Skankfest. Skankfest.

And then Cameo. Cameo.com. You can get a shout out to Gilbert. Cameo.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. And then use the promo code Joe Rogan and you get 25% off. Yes. And this is the website, Gilbert Gottfried.com. It'll have his tour dates, clips, cameo, the podcast, store, everything.

Yeah, Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. And yeah, use promo code Joe Rogan. Forgot your name there. No. Promo Chode. See, I'm having a stroke in front of you. Don't do that. Not after that third jab.

Promo code Joe Rogan. And get 25% off. And it's cameo.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. And again, today is November 3rd that we're filming this, but this weekend you'll be at Skankfest in Houston. So if you're hearing this and you're in Texas or you want to go to Texas and see Gilbert, Skankfest, South, November 4th and 5th. So it'll start tomorrow, so you'll be there tomorrow.

Yes. So when you hear this, if if you hear it the day comes out Gilberts at Skankfest yeah thank you sir thank you now I have to pee

very much alright bye everybody