The Joe Rogan Experience - #1731 - Theo Von

Episode Date: November 8, 2021

Theo Von is a standup comedian and podcaster. He is the host of "This Past Weekend with Theo Von" and co-host, along with Brendan Schaub, of "The King and the Sting." Check out his new special "Regular People" on Netflix.

the Joe Rogan experience amen man see my friend gang baby good to see you too man dude I haven't seen you in a fucking year I know it's been a while crazy yeah i almost saw you at the um well thanks for the tickets to the uh fight oh anytime man anytime poory mcgregor let me know that was a wild one yeah it's different being in the crowd because you can't hear what the announcers are saying yeah they used to have a thing that you could get at the concession stand that was like a little radio and it allowed you to tune into the commentary. So if something happened or someone got injured or something, you could hear it. Oh, wow.

Yeah, they used to sell that. I don't know why they don't do that anymore. They need to go back to doing that. Yeah, because you're just kind of asking the toughest guy in your row what's going on, I felt like. But sometimes they don't even know. Sometimes, shit, we don't even know. Sometimes I have to ask the production, can you rewind that? Like, what happened?

So if you're seeing some guy moving around and, like, he looks like he's in agony and the referee doesn't say anything, you're like, what the fuck is going on? Oh, yeah, that's a good point. I guess if the action's far on the other side of the cage, then you guys are kind of a little bit in the dark, huh? Sometimes when a guy's back is turned to you, you don't see if he got kicked in the nuts or poked in the eye. You miss a lot of stuff.

Like, that's the beautiful thing about having that button. I press this button and I talk to the truck and I go, hey, can you rewind that for me? Show me what happened. Because sometimes someone will complain about a nut shot and it turns out it's not a nut shot. It's like they hit them in a good spot, but they're pretending that it's a nut shot.

Oh, to take some time to get a breather maybe? Guys have done that before. I would do that. Oh, I would do that out of the gate, man. I would do that. I would hit myself in the nuts and call time out. The problem is when the audience sees that you didn't really get hit in the nuts, ooh, they get so mad.

And then you feel that sting. Yeah. It's like then they want you to lose, and then when the other guy starts teeing off on you, the audience cheers. And you're like, shit, now they hate me. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I would. I bet I would still do it.

I would take the pain, man. Some of those fights are so grueling. It's a crazy way to make a living. Dustin's on top of the world right now. God damn, he's on fire, dude. He's on fire. He's got the big title shot coming up against Charles Oliveira. Yeah. That's on top of the world right now. Goddamn, he's on fire, dude. He's on fire. He's got the big title shot coming up against Charles Oliveira. Yeah.

That's a great fight. Yeah, Oliveira didn't lose since Felder, I think, was the last time that he lost. I think you're right. That was different. Yeah, Felder fucked him up with elbows from the top. Yeah, I'm so excited, man. Yeah, he's got a real good shot. But Oliveira's so technical, man.

He's so beautiful the way he moves, man. Everything he does is perfect. His jiu-jitsu's perfect. His striking's perfect. Yeah. Oh, he's like a flamingo. He's like that violent flamingo. A flamingo.

To me, in a way, when I see him, he's more of a—it has almost a ballet to it. I don't mean that in a negative term. That guy's a real tough and talented man. I know what you're saying. It's just beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. He's very technical.

Everything he throws, his punches, his kicks, even his submissions, it's all perfect technique. Yeah. He's one of the most interesting guys to watch for me because he never is out of position. He never winds up wild and throws big crazy shit. Everything is straight down the pipe. Everything is perfect position. If you were going to study a striker or even a grappler, you just want to study someone's technique,

Oliveira is a great guy to study. Yeah. Because he just does everything right. Yeah. I think you've turned on a lot of people to the to the sport but definitely me uh uh i'll you know learn it from you from brendan just from hearing you guys talk about it enough i used to be afraid when the women would fight each other i would be like this has to stop you know what i'm saying i just felt so bad for the ovaries for the future children

i would just be hilarious but now i'm like if i see shevchenko get in there dude i'm freaking doing the spins in the living room i'm freaking going off you know she's an assassin dude oh that lady's an assassin it's been yeah that whole world uh do you think she's a spy oh no if you if you were gonna have a spy come over here from Russia, wouldn't it be Valentina Shevchenko? Right? Well, what's the other options? Well, she's just a straight-up assassin, like a real martial arts killer, which is what she really is. But if this was a James Bond movie, tell me she wouldn't be the greatest spy of all time.

She fucks up everybody. Yeah, and they're looking for a new James Bond. I think she would be great. Bro, she's got a gun tattooed. Does she? She's got a gun tattooed on her hip. Right here. Oof.

See if you can find Valentina Shevchenko's gun tattoo. She's a serious competitive shooter, too. Oh, really? Like a serious markswoman. Like a gunner? Do you say markswoman? I've never said that before. Marksman or Markswayne?

I was going to say marksman. Markswayne? Markswayne. Like a... I was going to say Marksman. Mark Swain? Mark Swain. Like a... Look at her. Bro. Oh, damn, boy. That's a beautiful and terrifying woman. My God, I'd let her shoot me.

I would, brother. I would freaking let her shoot me. As long as she did CPR after, I'd freaking. Let her put a couple in me, dog. Wow. She's a straight-up killer. She is. What is she like in person? Is she a sweet lady?

Oh, very sweet. Very sweet. Super intelligent, man. She speaks four different languages. She's, you know, just a very interesting person. She travels for experiences. Like, she went to south america just for the experience of of taking in different cultures she lived there for a little while she's a totally

different kind of person like very intense person but also like you know her her approach to martial arts very interesting you know she's like when you watch her fight she's another one like you talk about olivera everything she does is perfect. The way she fires shots off, the way she holds her hands up. She never lets her heels touch the ground. She's always bouncing around and moving. She's an amazing example to watch. If you were a person that wanted to learn martial arts, like who should I mimic?

Like look at her. Look how she moves. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, that whole world's fascinating man yeah i'm excited for dustin man i'm excited it's exciting the yeah being being able to kind of get to know him over the years has been cool and yeah just that whole universe man seeing all these like it's just so because i was always afraid to fight when i was a kid you know i was always like it was

like that would be the hardest thing you know I think scary so seeing people do it and like you know and that's their way to express themselves kind of um and make a living I mean that's how Dustin makes his money which is crazy yeah imagine your whole all the money to pay for food and your house all relies on you punching people in the face all relies on you punching people in the face. Damn. It's kind of crazy. Yeah, I would sneak around and do it.

I don't know if I would do it like, I wouldn't do it like sanctioned. It's just such a nerve-wracking way to make a living, because also, like, you know, Dustin had to get surgery on his hip. You know, he's had stem cells and shit. Guys are always breaking their hands. Like, your body is also what you need to make a living, and bodies are vulnerable. They break.

And Louisiana stem cells, them bitches probably had shrimp in them, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? That thing probably had a bouillabaisse in it or something. I bet he went out of state. I bet he has rice in his hip right now. Some filler.

They definitely put a little extra something in there. I bet he went out of state for bet he has rice in his hip right now some filler oh they definitely put a little extra something in there i bet he went out of state for those stem cells yeah but that that whole world's so exciting man i i'll tune into all the fights man i'll watch it even i've even illegally streamed it if i'm real honest man i know why would you do that when you have all that money i don't know man i haven't done it a lot but it just was tempting yeah i think it was just i was at a different place i probably wasn't doing real well you know and i just illegally yeah just you know yeah i didn't have it i didn't have the thing or now you go to different cities you can't get your thing in the certain zone or like you're not in this state you can't do it or whatever well espn plus works everywhere i don't know what the fuck you're talking in this state you can't do it or whatever well espn plus works everywhere

i don't know what the fuck you're talking about yeah you just called me out on that one but i've also paid for a lot of it the illegal streaming is wild it's like it's kind of amazing they've been able to lock it up as much as they have yeah because basically anything that is like streaming online there's some wizard out there that knows how to hack into that shit, pull that feed out, and put it on something else. It's just standard, you know? Yeah, I think, I mean,

obviously if you pay for it, you get the real, you're more guaranteed to hear what's going on. You get the full deal. Yeah. I like that. Sometimes when I watch fights, I watch it in Spanish

just because I don't want to listen to commentary. Oh, yeah? I just want to watch the fight. Spanish just because I don't want to listen to commentary. Oh, yeah, that's the fight Mmm, I like listen. I like it listening to music in other languages cuz I don't know what the fuck they're saying Well, I like that. Oh, yeah, I like listening to people talk in other languages. I don't have to know anything That's all I mean. I mean the sound Like what do you mean like the Gypsy kings like sometimes i like listening the songs that are in a language that i don't understand so i just i just like to hear the sound of it all like the way that like i don't know what they're saying but it sounds beautiful you know yeah

yeah that uh let me think what i've heard i've listened to some tribal music oh okay um dude i went through a period i was watching like funerals like middle eastern kind of um funerals online that were and they're like five hours long some of them and it's all like these chants and the people coming in in different robes and stuff and that you know that's like a nice filler i'll use the calm app i. The Calm app? It's just like an app where people... Oh, Calm. Yeah. I thought you were saying the Calm app. No, the Calm app.

Calm app. No, yeah, Calm app. Yeah, Calm's good. Does that help you sleep? Yeah, I think peace is becoming at a premium, I think. Getting some separation from stuff. Well, you moved to Nashville, huh? Yeah, I did.

Did that give you peace? It's definitely different like is it better what what caused the move like what what made you want to move well i didn't know if los angeles was ever going to be the same again it's not apparently they they realized it virginia that just the the because the elections the virginia just went republican and los angeles just passed some new sweeping uh legislation about homelessness they're going to clean up all those tents and shit apparently where are they going to put them exactly they went they let it get too big and there's literally a hundred thousand people on the streets oh the park by my apartment there's freaking joe biden's aquarium out there dude it's a bunch of people just playing with i mean there's a guy at a femur the other day in the park they

found like a human femur you know he'd written like yeah like there's people out i mean there's some dicey stuff one guy gotten a hold of a um high school drum kit right can you this is this is the toughest part so this guy in the park. He's out there Playing a hot like a you know at a high school drum either this shiny drum Yeah, dude. I mean all night all hours off hours like what people were trying to sleep Oh, and he's in the park like they're annoyed these people were in the park Anyway, yeah, and then they get this a you you know i don't know how they get the equipment um and the guy's playing like uptown i think he even found like the sheet music that they

use at high schools he's playing like uh carly ray jepson like call here's my number call me like he's just like it was a horrible man so when did you move what what month did you move let me see a year ago i started looking for places over there. So you gave it six, eight months with the pandemic, and then you're like, fuck this. This is not opening back up. Yeah, I just didn't know. And I still don't know exactly what things will be like. And also, I mean, there's tax savings.

Like, I definitely save money by living in Tennessee. What's Tennessee have lower state taxes? Yeah, there's no state tax Like, I definitely save money by living in Tennessee. What's Tennessee have lower state taxes? Yeah, there's no state tax. Oh, like Texas. Like Texas, yeah. So that obviously is nice, you know, to save a little bit of money. Imagine going from this to California. You'd be like, wait a minute.

Why am I giving you this money? Yeah. You get how much? 13%. That's a fucking agent and a manager, right? That's a manager and a business manager. Yeah, that's a lot of money. That right that's like a that's a manager and a business manager yeah that's a lot of money that's a lot of money and what are you doing you're making people camp out in front of my fucking house yeah and you're giving them

freaking high school drum equipment and you're telling people they have to have a vaccine to go to a bathroom yeah it's yeah there was just yeah i just didn't know it was too much it started to become too much and i just don't know it was too much it started to become too much and i just don't know if it's ever going to be the same and a lot of you know people were leaving some people were leaving you know you left uh tom left and not like you're left forever it's not like you're like i've left forever right yeah but it's not like you're like cannot go back to there to visit i'm not going back to visit. Really? Fuck that place. No way.

Done. Are you really? Done. I'll go back and do shows like one every now and then. So there you go. One a year. One a year. But that's a lot.

I'll drop into the forum. But that's like Santa. He comes freaking once a year. Yeah, that's what I'm going to be like. Okay, okay. I'm going to be like Rogie Claus. Dashing through the woods. I despise the government there.

I despise it. I despise their smugness, the way they feel it's okay to close down restaurants and businesses, the way they feel it's okay to just tell people you have no choice. Yeah, it felt like the, like, I don don't know i didn't feel as much like a person there i feel more like a human being i think in tennessee nashville's the shit man we were just there we're just there uh dave and i were there like uh three weeks ago two weeks ago not even last week yeah last week it was awesome yeah it's nice, man. It's really nice. I mean, it's like, it's just, it's like a, you forget what a regular city is kind of like.

When you leave, like Los Angeles, you're in like a, I always feel like I'm in like the airport, you know, like that. Los Angeles, the whole thing feels like an airport to me. Like everyone's transient. Yeah, like even when you leave your place, it's all an airport. It's like a layover. Right, a layover. That's a good way to it's all an airport. It's like a layover. Right, a layover. That's a good way to put it. The whole existence there feels like a layover.

Yeah, it doesn't feel like people are completely invested in living there. Right. They all are there for a reason. They're all there to get a job, get a gig. It's so showbiz related. Whether people want to admit it or not, it's showbiz related. And now it's become oddly like internet showbiz related whether people want to admit it or not yeah it's showbiz related and now it's become oddly like internet showbiz related like there's all these tiktok stars that show up at these restaurants and fill restaurants up yeah it's um like a mobbing or something or

yeah tiktok like take out or something i think there's like different things yeah well like a lot of the like there's a lot of these high-end restaurants. Like I went to Craig's, and, you know, Craig from Craig's was, there was this woman over there, and she was taking pictures with her phone. Just fucking, and he was letting me know she's a big TikTok star. And I'm like, okay. But meanwhile, what is she a star for? She's just being herself.

She's just her. Yeah. And she's got a lot of TikTok followers, so she has to, like, TikTok her meals and TikTok her face and TikTok her surroundings. But, like, he was treating her like she was a star, like she's a Grammy winner.

It was weird. Yeah, I guess it's weird, man. Everything's freaking weird. Everything feels like... Doesn't everything feel weird? It's like everything shifted to another dimension. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like we woke up and everything was like, you know, you remember when you had a radio station? Yeah. And you'd be in between radio stations. You'd kind of pick up a little bit of one, a little bit of, like if you were driving. Yeah. That's what it feels like.

It feels like we drove into another station. Like everything's similar, but not the same. Uh-uh. And you see people and they almost don't, like... Well, one thing I do, I think some people I feel like are just disappearing, kind of. How so?

Well, because like there's no workers anymore, they say at places. You go in, it's like we're hiring, but people are everywhere. It's like, where is everybody? I feel like sometimes people are just disappearing, you know? Well, I think a lot of that was unemployment benefits. Like I knew a dude, he's a bartender.

And he was coming back to work. He looked like a regular guy. But he He was back like work He was a regular guy but he was coming back to work and he Told his boss that he could only work 20 hours a week Because if he worked anymore he wouldn't get his unemployment So he worked 20 hours a week, and then he was getting his unemployment. So he's working 20 hours a week, and he's making $80,000 a year. Yeah. I mean, you can't hate the guy.

No, you can't. That's the system. But the dude who was employing him was so frustrated because he's like, come on, man. I took care of you for years. And you worked for me. We had a good relationship. We took care of our employees. And he's like, but now you're kind of fucking me over here, man.

You're saying you only want to work 20 hours a week. But then again, isn't it his – I mean, if that's available to him, why wouldn't he do that? Right. That's the problem. The availability of it. And it's bigger than them. They feel like, look, I'm not hurting the world if I only work 20 hours a week and I get that unemployment. Because that unemployment is going to so many different people.

Yeah. If you were the only guy sucking up all the money and you knew that it was going to, like, kids are going to be hungry because you're taking that unemployment money, then you'd be a piece of shit. But when you think about the government giving out money like that, people think, like, I'm going to get mine. Fuck it. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. You have one day you walk up to a water fountain. It't work at the park you're like fuck damn i'm getting

unemployment you know it's like i feel like that's how things equate in people's heads yeah for sure you know like if a ditch isn't big enough or something um but it just feels like everything's not working right anymore. All of it. Yeah, it feels like the fabric has been altered or stretched or something. You know what I'm talking about? Flight's being canceled. They try to lie and say it's the weather. And it's not.

Pilots calling in sick. They're like, fuck this. They don't want to get vaccinated. I didn't think about that. That's what it is. A hundred percent. Oh, man. They're like, fuck this. They don't want to get vaccinated. I didn't think about that. That's what it is. A hundred percent. Oh, man. It starts to make me nervous.

Yeah. It should make you nervous. Things are kind of falling apart. It should make you nervous because it's not good. It's not good when things fall apart. The good thing is that it's forcing people to wake up and look at all these systems that are in place and sort of reconsider whether or not this one works or that one works and what is wrong and what is right. And it also makes people think like you thought you were going to have this like very steady occupation. Like maybe say you're a bartender or a waiter and you're making good money every year. And then also they took the restaurants away.

Like you got to go, oh, shit. I can't be dependent on this one individual source of income. Maybe I have to diversify. Maybe I have to think about doing something else for a living. Maybe I have to take matters into my own hands and start my own business or something. Yeah, grow yard crops or do bees or something. People are doing all kinds of stuff. There's a lot of small businesses starting up too.

Yeah, I was reading about this lady who makes honey. She's got this booming business making honey, just handling bees. Yeah, my brother's, not his girlfriend, his wife's friend makes bee, they make bee stuff. Hey, I was supposed to do this the other day, but we didn't. Bee candles.

I had a party, party. I had a podcast. It was kind of a party. Shane Gillis, Mark Norman, I listened to it. This morning at the gym.

Careful. Once you open that bag, it gets gnarly. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. It's the smelling salts. You're not supposed to open your eyes and waft it.

Don't sniff it. Bro, just the, just that. That's why I've kept it. Ift it. Don't sniff it. Bro, just that. That's why I've kept it. I took it out of my house. And that's fully sealed. Yeah. Smelling salts.

Can I try one? Well. You don't try one. It's like just open up the back. This is the idea. Okay. There's a gentleman on the podcast the other day. He's a power lifter, Rob Kearney.

And Rob told us we were talking about smelling salts. The gay powerlifter guy? Yeah. His world's strongest gay is his Instagram. And he was telling us about, God, it's fucking nasty. He was telling us about smelling salts. We were talking about smelling salts and about like it's a big deal. And he has actually a smelling salt sponsor. So Jamie went out and got some smelling salts.

All right. And just open that bag. Don't't even bottle by the way the bottle is completely sealed Okay, but if you just open up the bag You'll smell how fucking rank that shit it also has the emblem from the saw movies on it. Which is way dicey get a whiff Wow wow oh, and that's a sealed bottle. We're live Wow, wow. Oh, that's a sealed bottle. We're live It's fully plastic sealed I feel like we should open it But if we open it is it bad to open in this room, but we can handle some the warning says like don't don't smell it More than a couple times a day like look, but listen this smell like folks I just want you to know we're freaking out about the smell, and the plastic is, you hear that?

That's Theo taking the plastic off the bottle. So that bitch was sealed up. Oh, my God. I'll do a couple of these bitches. I've been through some things, boy. Okay, get a whiff. Bro, it is in rock. Don't spill it.

I think you're supposed to leave it in there. I don't think you're supposed to take it out. Okay, okay. You have to shake it, though. I think you just take a whiff. They do that right before they lift. Are you okay? Before they lift what, bro? Before they lift weights.

Before they lift the fucking universe? Before they lift their future? Take a gander on that with your face hitter, buddy. Take a gander on that with your face hitter, daddy. Take a gander on that with that face hitter, Joe. There's something about, just holding it over here is rough, but there's something about this stuff that when you take a

whiff of it right before you lift, it's supposed to jolt your nervous system, right? Is that the idea? I think it's so you forget about everything else except for that. I have no idea. take a ride on that hitter There it goes down Shit is that shocking oh my god. Oh my god. That's stunning. I would have never imagined

Take that to the fights this week. That's something you buy at a Nelly concert fights case anybody needs it Oh Jesus Give me that plastic bag Oh that's so unnecessary You wanna try it? I'm great No you stick a hit I believe you

No it's not that bad Well It's not It's not that bad It's not painful Is it worse than that rice That drink? Yeah

Get a hit Get a hit You're gonna be fine You're an adult My friend Megan gave me this drink from Mexico. It was like turpentine. Yeah. It lights on fire. Whoa, right?

Like, whoa, Nelly. I'm tearing up. One of my eyes teared. Is that ammonia? I don't know what the fuck it is. And it's in Rob's? Rob takes a sniff of that shit before that ammonia, right? I don't know what the fuck it is. And it's in Rob's. Rob takes a sniff of that shit for you powerless. I feel like I've smelled that when a kid pukes in elementary school.

That's what they use to, like, clean it up or sprinkle on it. Oh, I think that's different. That's in rock form. I think that's much more potent. You okay? Yeah, I'm good. Just one foot at the back. Oh, yeah. Look at that sack, huh?

Oh, boy. Man, y'all can't handle less smoke, baby. So Rob will take a sniff of those before he lifts a 450-pound log over his head. I could see that. I definitely feel more clear. I feel like it's a whole bag of Native American right there, baby. Do you think you should take a sniff of that before you go on stage, maybe? Ooh.

I don't know. It almost gets you too separate from your thoughts. Right. It's so wild. Yeah. It's so jolting. It's good, man.

Thank you for that. I think all those power lifters use it though. I think all of them do, right? Mostly, yeah. It's a big deal.

I've seen those guys. They do it and sometimes they get smacked in the face. Their girlfriend will smack them. There's a bunch of these videos of this one dude.

To toughen their cheeks up? That's what wakes you up from being knocked out, right? Smelling salts? Like when they break the little thing and they like waft it. Yeah, I think that's exactly the same thing. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that would wake me up. I'd be dead. That'd bring me back at least for a few minutes. Wow. Jesus Christ. And we are back, man. And we're back.

Whoa. My nose is still infected with it. Like when I take a deep breath, I still smell it. Imagine how small those particles are and they're just inside your nose. Also, we didn't even get any of the dust out. Like that's in a rock. People don't understand. I think also, do you see it's in a. Yeah.

I didn't even look in there. Like a cristal or something. I just trust you. Oh, it is. I didn't look in there. Like a Cristal or something. I just trust you. Oh, it is. I didn't look in there. But I just went like that. I didn't have it more than like five inches from my nose. It sounds like it's still wide open in the room.

Exactly. I like it. It's in your nose. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm ready. I like that a little. I'll hit a marker sometime.

I'll hit a... I like markers. I'll go three hits on duster, dude. Not enough to fucking damage myself, but I will take a risk with it, you know? There's something about magic markers. Delicious. Yeah, I think even... Pop those hops.

That's a nice smell. And then smile at somebody after. That was my favorite thing to do. Do you like gasoline when you pump your gas? Dude, we had a guy drink gasoline on Halloween one time. This kid Todd had to get his stomach. Why did he do that? I don't know.

Do you remember when Katie Dukakis, when Mike Dukakis was running for president, his wife apparently had like an alcohol problem and she was trying to get off of it but then snapped one day and drank a bunch of like aftershave. Remember that? I remember Michael Dukakis running. Didn't Jesse Jackson run against him?

Also hairspray. She drank hairspray? A lot of things. Jesus Christ. When you want it, you want it, you know? Hairspray is rough though. Kitty Dukakis drank hairspray? A lot of things. Jesus Christ. When you want it, you want it, you know? Hairspray is rough, though. Kitty Dukakis drank hairspray. Wow.

Aftershave, hairspray, and other household products to induce oblivion and fight depression before seeking treatment. This was like 1988. Yeah. So if it's 1988, like nail polish remover. Also codeine. And codeine. Yeah. Like what do you, what kind of antidepressants did they have in 1988?

Nothing. Those. They just kicked you. Well, they had, I mean, they had you trying to find anything that you could to get better. Did they have antidepressants back then? Tickling each other, I guess. I mean, what did they have? What did they do when people were depressed in 1988?

Right? When was SSRIs? When did those get introduced? I mean, Prozac didn't come in until probably mid-'90s, huh? Even for the rich people, yeah. I wonder. Let's find out. What was the first antidepressant?

The first SSRI approved marketing in the U.S. lasted 1982. 1982. Okay, so it was before then. Wow. What was that one? Maybe it was selective serotonin reuptake that were introduced to the market in 1987 with the introduction of fluoxetine. Fluoxetine.

You know, fluvoxamine, I think that's how you say it. Fluvoxamine is, they're finding it works for treating COVID. Doctors are using fluvoxamine, which is an antidepressant. Dr. Drew was telling me about it. Dr. Drew was in- He's smart. He's very smart. He was in New Orleans when we were doing our show out there,

and he was explaining how fluvoxamine, how it works. But there was a bunch of articles that i just read uh recently yeah i've taken i took antidepressants i just got off did you have covid antibodies you didn't even know you had covid yeah i didn't even know you had it and beat it and just brushed it let's go dude i'm a one stripe white belt son let's go's go. Do you have any idea when you were sick? No, I didn't know until just now today that I had any inkling of it. I think I felt for a little bit like I couldn't smell something, but I don't know if that's real or if I just was too busy to smell that hard.

You know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what you're saying. Especially, I wonder. That is interesting. If we get somebody who's got no sense of smell and run that shit right you think you got no sense of smell take a gander I wouldn't have well I did taste test of a lot of stuff I couldn't taste anything I would have loved to bust a cap on that bad boy that's like Mr. Clean busted a nut in your nose so That might bring your smell back. That might bring your smell back.

I got a friend of mine, one of his friends has a buddy who has not tasted anything in eight months. And he's going crazy. That might be bad for you, though, if you couldn't smell that and you just kept breathing it. Oh, yeah. Well, it stings. So you can't smell it. But didn't it sting your nose? Yeah, it burned a little.

That's the part I really enjoy, the heightened scents. I like that buzz, man? Yeah, it burned a little. That's the part I really enjoy, the heightened sense. I like that buzz, man. Yeah, it's, like, I can still smell it. Yeah. Do that. Still smell it. I would smell it again, honestly. Do you want a bottle of that? I'll give you one to go.

No, don't do it. Take it with you. I'll do too much. Open that bitch on the plane. I'll do too much, man. I'll do too much. I will, man. You'd be the only dude to'll do too much, man. I'll do too much. I will, man. You would be the only dude

to check into rehab for smelling salts. Woo. That's foul. Woo. Yeah, that's a lot, man. Yeah, if you couldn't smell, that should be what they use

to find out if you could smell. Bust that open. Yeah, because they're using regular stuff like, oh, can you smell this watermelon spray? Right. Can you smell this taffy? Yeah, cuz they're using regular stuff like oh, can you smell this watermelon spray? Can I smell this?

Yeah Potato chips smell good. Yeah, but they're not as strong really when I don't want to eat potato chips You know like what come trying to watch my diet, but I'll open up a bag of ruffles and just get a sniff I love that smell the smell potatoes that were cooked in hot oil. Yeah. Yeah. I can't help myself. I'm a potato chip junkie.

I love potato chips. Especially them kettle chips. Oh, yeah. The kettle chips came out. Remember, they didn't really have them and then suddenly they came out of nowhere. And they were better. Yeah, like everything.

I think they keep going to things to the past and they make them better like they go back and get a kettle and they made it better like i noticed toothpaste has charcoal in it now do you notice that yeah that's supposed to make your teeth whiter but remember that was what they were using in the beginning that's what they use like a long time ago it's like we keep going to the past and getting stuff and be like oh right now Right. Now see it. Yeah. What else? Let me think. Charcoal.

What was the other one? Drinking water. Drinking water. Yeah, do they do that? Do they? What did we name already? Dude, that thing I think got me buzzed out. It's got me buzzed out for sure.

For sure. Dude, I'll tell you what had me buzzed out. It's got me buzzed out for sure. For sure. Dude, I'll tell you what had me buzzed out was listening to Nelly on the way here with that driver, dude. That guy is in. Dude, Nelly in his prime had some fucking great songs. Great songs. Yeah. Nelly was the only guy who made me as a white person or predominantly white, made me feel like I could

dance or be a part of something. You say predominantly white. What percentage of you do you feel like without a DNA test, what percentage of you do you feel like is not white? I would say probably 30%. Really? Yeah.

That's a strong number. Yeah. I would say that accurately. I'm Nicaraguan and a little something else in there a little Native American I think did you get a DNA test done? or are you just guessing?

I don't think so but I'm just looking at the chart if somebody drew it out I think you would see it out there did you see that Netflix special where Colin Kaepernick is comparing the NFL to slavery? bro throws a park? that's what I call that dude throws a park? Did you see that Netflix special where Colin Kaepernick is comparing the NFL to slavery? Bro. Throws a park.

That's what I call that dude. Throws a park. That is the lamest. I did try to watch it. It's the dumbest comparison. It makes me sad because it feels like the lowest, it's like the lowest pandering for racism that you could create. It's almost infantile, the pandering of it. And I think it takes away from real race, like real racist shit.

It's just like. Imagine comparing the ability to do it or not do it. Oh, yeah. You sign up for it. Everybody, like so many people who play football want to be in the NFL. It's a goal. It's a dream. You can make millions of dollars. And imagine comparing that to slavery simply because they measure people's physical performance. That's what he was doing. He was measuring like wingspans and the combine scores like for weightlifting and speed and all that stuff

That's to see how physically adapt you are how good you're gonna be at football. Yeah, so they'll Give you tons of money. Yeah, the idea that this is comparable to slavery But whoever fucking wrote that down and then he the fact that he read it and said it and then they had that video where they're comparing the NFL owners to the slave masters and they're shaking hands with each other. What the fuck are you talking about? And it's such a racist thing towards white people because if you're just a – it's like – because all the owners there are white. It's just blatantly white guys. It's just like – I don't know.

Well, it's insulting to the players, too. Can you imagine you're comparing the players to slaves, the players that want to be there? It's a life goal. It's a dream. They're actually NFL stars. They're actual superstars in the NFL. And someone is comparing you to a slave. Right.

You're making millions. And someone's comparing you to a slave. Yeah, it're making millions. And someone's comparing you to a slave. Yeah, it diminishes what the work you've done. It's just absurd. Right, but also it diminishes all your hard work and now you're going to say, oh, that I'm a slave? Like, it's just a cheap way to look at, I don't know. It just felt like the-

It's just reaching so hard. Just so hard. Like, no one watched that and went, yeah. If they did, they need to go to a doctor. Yeah. Someone needs to talk to you. Yeah.

Have a seat on the couch. Yeah. You okay? Hit him with those salts. Wake up. Wake up. Throws the parks, ladies and gentlemen.

I hate to repeat my own jokes, but. Throws the park is a great joke. It's a good joke, man. That's a great joke. Throws the parks. And it's just what he's become. It's like, get out of here, man.

You know how comics like- Well, there's real racism out there going on in all facets. And just to beat, that's the drum they continue to beat. That's what it's like. It's like you could shine so many other- There's so many other avenues of racism going on in the world. And you continue to beat this black, white, old. This thing is just getting a little bit that's a bit much exactly the the darkest thing i think that's

going on this country is the ignoring of these horrible neighborhoods that are have never gotten better and not doing anything to make them better not not putting any money into like like when you look at like south side chicago just traditionally been riddled with gangs and drugs and crime the fact that that hasn't been looked at as like we have to fix this like we have to go in there and dump a ton of resources a ton of money we got to fix this and and you have all these people that are growing up in this area that start off in life fucked yeah and the the fact that you can't if you looked at all those people that are fucked in this area that start off in life fucked. And the fact that you can't, if you looked at all those people

that are fucked in this neighborhood and just imagined that those same people now imagine they were born in a place where there is no gang violence, there is no constant history of people being incarcerated and drugs. Imagine they have this chance at education, at pursuing their dreams, and imagine how many winners are going to come out of that environment and contribute to society and

invent things and start businesses and employ people and do well for their family and for everybody else around them. That is the biggest tragedy in this country, that they're ignoring these horrible communities and that it happens year after year after year, decade after decade. It doesn't change. But don't you think, I mean, they've probably tried to help them, right?

I don't think they have. I don't think they've done jack shit. Well, the soil definitely matters. The soil that you're in growing up and that sort of thing, I mean, it matters to a level that's, it's unbelievable how much it matters. It does. And here's the dark part, though.

This is the thing that troubles me. Everybody that I know that's like super focused and super intense and really interesting came from a fucked up environment. It's like, I don't want fucked up environments, but most of my favorite people came out of a fucked up environment and they survived it like they

they survived pressure and they survived strife and hardship and then they became these amazing people so i'm kind of contradicting myself but well i think you need it i think you want some of it but it's like do you want it at a level where it's like so violent and so dangerous, where it's like, you know, it feels un, I don't know if it's impossible, but it feels like- Unmanageable. Right. Yeah.

That there's no manageability, then that's really, that's not really the neatest thing. This is how crazy Chicago is. There was a, I want you to Google this Jamie, because it's so nuts you can't even believe it's real. There was a gun fight in Chicago. These two rival gangs were shooting each other. I believe it was five guys shooting each other.

They expended like 70 rounds in the street. None of them were charged because they said it was mutual combat. Yeah. You're allowed to just shoot at each other in the street. This is how ridiculous Chicago's government is. This is how fucking pathetic it is. They literally let these guys shoot at each other in the street,

and they didn't charge them because they said it's mutual combat. You are sending the worst possible message to people out there that are thinking about shooting at people. Well, it's like, how close are we to that becoming sanctioned and fucking Keith Peterson out there reffing? You know what I'm saying? Like, what's next? Look at this. No charges in deadly Chicago shootout due to mutual combat.

I'd put Keith Peterson out there in a heartbeat, dude. Let him fucking ref this shit. One shooter was left dead. out there in a heartbeat, dude. Let him fucking rep this shit. One shooter was left dead, and two suspects were wounded in the shootout, which required the assistance of a SWAT team.

The gunfight, which was caught on a police surveillance camera, ended when a police cruiser pulled up on the block. More than 70 shell casings were found on the street, though the amount was likely higher, given it didn't include shots fired from the other location. So this means that two people were dead one dead and two injured what didn't it just say scroll back up didn't it say different numbers two specs suspects were wounded one was left dead okay and then hold it right there um so they have a video of it put Put the video up and let's listen to it. Does it have any volume to it?

It's not playing volume. So all we're seeing is people running. It's hard to tell what the fuck's going on. But the fact that two people are wounded, one person is dead. They know these guys shot them. They have surveillance footage. You have cops on the scene and no one was charged. there's a guy dead laying in the street that got shot and no one was charged how the fuck can you not charge people for that well here's one of the issues that i think you start to see honestly is um once people are charged is the are they being prosecuted? Are actual things happening then afterwards? Because we had a border patrol, a border security guy who ran the border security along like Arizona and Mexico, right?

one of the issues that they were facing recently is that they arrest people or they there's no point in arresting them because they're not being actually prosecuted after they're arrested if that makes any sense right i don't know if that's happening in this sort of environment but does it feel futile for the cops that nothing's being you know what i'm saying like right i don't know i'm just trying to think of why somebody would not i mean i don't know it's just so scary and then can you imagine you grow up there? You're a kid. You're somebody who like. Yeah.

And then you realize like this is reality. Someone could shoot at you and they don't even get charged. So the first thing you're going to do is want to shoot. And not only that, not just shoot at you, but one guy's dead and no one's charged with murder. So somebody out there murdered that guy and they just let him go. I thought, you know, it's getting weird. It's getting weird. Well, all this defund the police shit,

like people have opened up a can of worms that you can't close. Once you change the way people look at law and order and make it so that people can just shoot at people and just walk, get free. You've changed society. I fund them. I fucking bought two of them last week. I bought two guys lunch, dude. I said, look, I'm gonna fund you guys right now, man.

I'm gonna fill y'all up. Yeah, don't defund, fund. It's such a shady, it's a tough job, you know? The toughest. Could you imagine? Other than being a soldier, there's very few jobs that are as scary as being a cop. Yeah.

Man. What is scarier? Firemen maybe is in that if you're actually running into a burning building, you might die. That's the same sort of feeling. And meanwhile, they're fucking, they closed down how many firehouses in New York City today? What is it? It's some crazy number. Like more than 20 firehouses were closed in New York City

because of the vaccine mandate. A lot of these guys already got COVID and they don't want to get vaccinated on top of it because it compounds your possible adverse reactions. You have more of a chance of getting an adverse reaction if you've already had COVID and then you get vaccinated. More of a chance of having like an immune system response that's negative.

So there's a lot of these guys. And also they don't want the fucking that dipshit mayor of New York telling people what to do. What to do. That's a lot of it. But I think also there's a level for as a human being, you don't want somebody telling you what, you know, some guy who seems like somebody who's not of your ilk telling you what to do with your body. I think there's a lot of that. Also, when you know there has to be some influence by the pharmaceutical companies that are influencing this and trying to get people to get vaccinated, even if they don't need it.

Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Sorry, but a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Yeah. Which is why you're not hearing about the monoclonal antibodies. Monoclonal antibodies fix people up. Is that what I have?

No, you have antibodies from an actual infection, but monoclonal antibodies are an actual infusion that they give you when you're sick. And they're trying to keep it from people. The government is trying to restrict it. is trying to restrict it. They're trying to, Ron DeSantis is handing it out in Florida and the Biden administration tried to stop the amount of monoclonal antibodies that were coming to Florida.

They were saying they were evenly distributing in the country. What they're really doing is, this is the guy who was looking for them. He was actively seeking them and they were limiting the amount that he could get.

It's not like there's a supply problem with monoclonal antibodies. It's the government actually trying to restrict people's access to it. And I think it's because if you do have access to it, even if you're unvaccinated, if you get monoclonal antibodies when you're sick, you get better really quickly. I have two friends that just got it and just got monoclonal antibodies and they got better like that. I got better like that. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I

think people should kind of be able to make their own choice. That's always been the case. Why is it different now? People, oh, the pandemic and this is, you know, you're affecting others. But guess what? Now we know for sure that even if you're vaccinated, you're still spreading it. You're still spreading it. You're still getting it. It's like once time has passed, unless we're going to keep shooting people up with booster shots to the end of time, there's going to come a point in time where we realize you've got to revert back to what it used to be, letting people have autonomy about their own bodies and let them have their own personal choices about what to do and what not to do. Because this is not a vaccine like the polio vaccine or the measles or something that actually stops you from ever getting it.

This is a gene therapy. Well, two things I would like to think about this. You know, I grew up in an area where they had, the polio vaccine was created in our town in Covington, Louisiana. Was it really? At the Tulane Primate Center at the primate testing facility. I think I might have told you, because I remember they let us out of the YMCA camp to literally wrangle

chimps that had got out one day. The police came and got us out of camp and got the tallest kids to go help them get. Oh, you told me about this. We're outside of a damn Kenny Rogers Roasters fucking, like trying to scare chimps and you told me they'll steal your body and everything, remember? So,

but dude, that vaccine they made for people for polio, it gave cervical cancer to millions of women, but they'd already made the vaccine, right? Really? Yeah. So I'm not saying that like, I'm not saying that that's what's going on, but I'm saying that there's- There's no long-term studies in terms of-

Not yet. The negative effects. Not effects not yet not yet but it's it's happening it's a mass experience it's happening in real time that's the scary part but the second thing for me is um oh i forgot about it well the fact that there is i mean an insane amount of people that are taking this and not knowing what the negative adverse side effects are and promoting it as if there's no negative adverse side effects. We don't really know. Right. Like long term. We don't know.

We have no idea. And that's, I mean, it might be nothing. Might be nothing. Might be nothing. Might be the smallest of small people like in terms of the amount of them have an adverse reaction yeah but that might not be the case might be grow a fucking dorsal fin you know what i'm saying like we just but i mean we don't know yeah we don't know in that so i think yeah people should have autonomy like you said autonomy

to i think choose what they want to do and, I think, really compressed and ostracized by a lot of media and a lot of job, like job, like just fear. There's a ton of just, they put so much fear into people. But it's also, they're putting pressure on businesses to make this decision where you want, it's like you get less grief if all of your employees are vaccinated. So just force all your employees to get vaccinated. And then people are like, wait a minute, I have to be vaccinated to get this job? What if I already had COVID?

No, no, no. One size fits all. This is it. But if you've already had COVID, they know that you're six to 13 times more protected, according to the study out of Israel, the biggest study, 2.5 million people. They said you're six to 13 times more protected

than someone who's vaccinated. If you have antibodies. Yeah. Let's go. Let's go. You got them antibodies, son. I'm a body boy. You're antibody

didn't even know you had it. That's perfect. Yeah. You cruise through. That's how we do it. That is how you do it. That's how we do it. Play some Nelly.

That's how we do it, Joe. That is how you do it. That's how we do it. Play some Nelly. Remember when he burned his face? Remember somebody said he was blowing out a birthday candle or something? Remember when he had that? I think the band-aid was just for fun.

I think he just put band-aids on his face like it was a thing. Because other dudes had band-aids on their face back then, too. I think he started. I heard that it was a birthday candle incident, and he had to be on MTV mtv movie awards at night or something oh so he put a band-aid on and then it became a thing it became a thing because i know there were dudes that were copying him that were just putting band-aids we were copying them all of us there was nothing wrong with you i had fucking luck dude i got bit in a fire you know I'm like yo street in the range Fucking wrapping my head in gauze over there. It was fun. My god Nelly was so

Unbelievably stops a guy like that like if you go back and think of a comic from that era Like those guys are still funny today, and they're still killing it still making specials, but once last time you heard a new Nelly song So what happens is it because they have to work with all these different producers and musicians? And like there's all sorts of other moving parts that they can't control the beats You know, I think some for some stars. There's just I mean that album was so good Uh, I don't think it's called country grammar, I mean, that album was so good. I don't think it's called Country Grammar. Isn't that it?

It was Country Grammar? Yeah. That's the album that was that, but there's seven, I think, number ones on that song. Smashes. The same happened to 50 Cent, though. He's had other good songs. Well, also, 50 Cent had a big stake in Vitamin Water, and he made like a half a billion dollars from vitamin water.

He's also got like 10 TV shows right now. Yeah. Yeah, he got into producing more. He's had a lot of things happen. He's been in movies. But the thing, I think the big thing was that vitamin water. He got that vitamin water. He's like, oh.

I know we're working. It's over, bitch. I got $500 million. It's over. I think he just... He's filling all his bullet holes of vitamin water on his body, drinking it out of it with a straw.

I mean, what a lucky break. There's a few of those dudes that got in early with companies and just fucking scored! On something, yeah. I was reading about another one recently where someone got in with a few thousand dollars off of something and made more than a hundred million

damn god what was that I'm trying to remember what that was but it's you know you get lucky buying the uber in the early days or something you know what's it what did Nas have

he's a billionaire because of his investments. Lil Nas is a billionaire? No, not Lil Nas. The real Nas. The original OG. Greatest lyricist in all of hip-hop. He kind of...

Not disappeared, but... No, no, no. I guess he just produces now. His new fucking CD is the shit. His new album is very good. It's classic Nas. He's the best lyricist. His lyrics are amazing

billionaire he's a billionaire close to it I might have like Jamie just fucked him up now people gonna be hitting him up for lonely yeah I don't think I'm thinking I'm a DM him right here rapper Nas adds cigars to his expansive investment portfolio he's a smart motherfucker dude what's a product you think you would come out with Joe what's a product you think you would come out with, Joe? What's your product you think? Well, I mean, I was already one of the original guys on it, and we came out with a bunch of products. Right, that's true.

All a bunch of stuff like this, like Alpha Brain, stuff that I really use. And then all the strength and conditioning equipment that I really use, like kettlebells. Has there ever been something kind of obtuse, something that's really, or just like like a that i would come out with yeah maybe a seasoning or a um maybe it would be like archery related maybe i would come out with a broadhead you know or you know work in conjunction with uh some archery related company for something for bow hunting yeah i'd be into doing something like that because that's i mean if i have like passions things that i do all the time you know that i'm really into that's one of that's

like i look forward to september that's my christmas because september is my bow hunting month that's when i go and elk hunt and that's when the rut happens you go out in the mountains and the animals are doing sex out there they're're doing sex out there. And when? September? They're also doing violence. Are they really? Smashing heads into each other. Yeah, yeah. I've seen a lot of that. Dude, it's wild to hear. When you're out in the mountains and you hear you hear them screaming and you hear

crack, crack, crack, crack where they're just smashing antlers against each other. Oh, dude. And they're all bone. Those antlers are the quickest growing bone. Oh my god. When they're horny. What's crazy and they're all bone those antlers are the quickest growing bone. Oh my god when they're horny What's crazy is they're only mean to each other for like a month and then the rest of them the rest of year They're like cool. They're just hanging like, you know, it starts in their body and makes it morning They want to keep everybody away from their bitches. Yeah, I wanted that

Mm-hmm You ever want to keep a be a did you imagine if that's how it was with people? We only fucked once a year and right before that time you start growing horns on your head Mm-hmm. You ever want to keep a beard? Could you imagine if that's how it was with people? We only fucked once a year, and right before that time, you started growing horns on your head, and we stabbed each other with our heads? Herb Dean, get Herb Dean out there right before. Can you imagine if that's how people bred like animals,

if we had to physically battle each other for the right to stick up. I think we could use it because one of the toughest things about being in a society is people can just fuck and you can make any. There's no like, there's this open end to society where it's just like. Any idiot can have a kid and then abuse that kid. And then that kid grows up all fucked up. have a kid and then abuse that kid and then that kid grows up all fucked up and then that kid becomes a problem in society because you know they were raised by shitty dumb people so no matter how much work you do up here in the top in the middle and even at some of the lower levels there's just this revolving like nut at the bottom that's just coming out just you know ejaculating uh ignorance if it wants to you know there's this loose

peace you know there is one problem that's real that exists in nature right in nature the weak get culled like the weak animals they don't breed they don't survive right but in our world, weak is not physical anymore. It's like we've made it so that weak physical people are sometimes the strongest, most powerful people. Like if you think about like billionaire Bill Gates, like he's frail. He's got a pot belly and meanwhile he's worth $100 billion. Like these kind of people. worth a hundred billion dollars like these kind of people so it has it's more about their minds and the business they've created than it is about like physical health and vitality right the strong and powerful are no longer like physically strong and powerful which is probably wise because otherwise you'd have like the biggest like the mountain from the game of thrones be the king of

the world right because you can fuck up. But because they invented weapons and then they invented technology and then it kind of balanced everything out. But on the downside of that is that there's no physical requirements at all to be able to get through with society. So incredibly weak, frail people can breed. And I mean, when I say incredibly weak and frail,

I mean mentally as well. Oh, I've seen them. They can, they have this, it's too easy to survive is what I'm saying. So like these assholes who don't take care of their children, who abuse their families, people that are just fucked up people,

they have no problem breeding. And then they might have people, you know, all over the place that they fuck and give birth to, or they give birth to their children. So you have all these kids that they're not being taken care of. And it's like, shit, how do you fix that?

Well, nature would have fixed it, right? But we can't have that because it's barbaric. It's horrible. You can't have just like the weak people die off and they get slaughtered by the strong people. Right, it's barbaric. It's horrible You can't have it's like the weak people die off and they get slaughtered by the strong right barbaric It's barbaric right and that's the thing that's different about being a human is we don't do as much barbarism Blade do in a weird way right not blatantly though where we're out just beat You know you you can't see somebody you know Drag your neighbor out and just beat him in the street and kill him just because the guys you know not you know

Hadn't been you know paying his water bill or like, or can't read. Like, or can't read. Like, here's an interesting situation. Like everybody is, uh, the, the news about that Alec Baldwin accidental shooting is crazy, right? It's gigantic news. He killed a woman on the set, The director of photography shot the director.

I mean, it's a crazy fucked up story. But the Biden administration, they droned a family in Afghanistan. I mean, I think it was seven kids, like 10 people dead. Let's go Brandon, dude. It's crazy. Find out what that was. But meanwhile, you don't hear a peep about it. Yeah. You literally don't hear a peep about it. It's like Brandon, dude. Let's go Brandon. Find out what that was. But meanwhile, you don't hear a peep about it. Yeah.

You literally don't hear a peep about it. It's like, whoops. And then like occasionally someone brings it up on Twitter and it gets no steam. It doesn't catch any momentum. Well, the presidents now are, you know, I was thinking the other day that America, it feels like this shell corporation. It used to feel like this real thing to me when I was growing up. And it was like, I'm part of America. And we're like, we're all doing our best.

And everybody's trying. And you help out the person that's struggling. And, you know, I like to romanticize stuff. You know, I like that. Me too. And so, but then now sometimes I feel like, man, I think that's part of the thing that feels disconnected these days. Is I think, I don't know. Well, the more they pledge loyalty to corporations, the more it feels like that.

It doesn't feel like it's about us. Yes. And it feels like America's just an LLC now for this bigger thing that's happening. You're 100% right. Afghan family says errant U.S. missile killed 10, including seven children, relative friends and colleagues of, I don't want to fuck this person's name up,

Zamari Ahmadi angrily dismissed any suggestion that he had ties to ISIS. Oh, damn. The U.S. military is investigating. So they droned an innocent family. To ISIS-K, I guess there's, is that like a subgroup, I guess? It's like LBGTK. Yeah.

They keep adding, it's like. Yeah, they do that with ISIS. Yeah. There should be gay ISIS. There has to be a gay ISIS group, right? There can't be. You can't be gay and be an ISIS, you know? That's like being a black white supremacist.

But actually, that's possible now. They're saying that. Oh, yeah. Anytime a black person says anything that doesn actually that's possible now they're saying that oh yeah anytime a black person says anything like doesn't go with the democratic narrative they said that person's carrying water for white supremacists oh it's that's unbelievable they're out of their fucking mind that lady that was the the new lieutenant governor of virginia that uh is a black woman who uh she she's uh sponsored by the nra i mean I don't know what all of her accolades are,

but incredibly articulate lady, powerful woman. They're saying that her becoming the lieutenant governor is a victory for white supremacy. I read that. I read that on Twitter. And she's a black woman. She's a black woman. When Larry Elder was running for governor of California,

they said he's the black face of white supremacy. What? What are you saying? What the fuck are you saying? Like you can disagree with the man's politics, but that white supremacy is like a stamp they like to put on as many things as they can. Like 15% off.

Yeah. It's like, well, dude, I'm sick of like, there's been this thing against white people like, I don't know. Here it is. Damn. Shorty out here grinding, bro. That's not a response to the tweet. Okay, so.

This looks like a Donnell Rawlings character as well. I'm going to go ahead and say that. Jamel Hill says it's not the messaging, folks. This country simply loves white supremacy. And this is because of the victory in virginia by the republican party but the the fucking governor of virginia was doing a shitty job the people voted they didn't like him they didn't understand what was going on with the way the there were the school systems handling certain issues oh yeah yeah so winsome sears and what is her background it's kind of fucked that

she's holding a gun and she doesn't have her finger in a proper position either. Actually, I'm, I'm, what does it say? I'm glad she's not. She was in the Marines. Finger on the trigger would, oh, she will. She was a Jamaican in the Marines. So she's an immigrant.

Oh, I like that. Came to this country. She said this, this country has done so much for me. I was willing, willing to die for this country. Wow. She said a Marine Corps veteran said in her speech And she won? Youngkin? Yeah. Youngkin is the man

and she is the lieutenant governor. So she's like the vice president. I love this. Amazing. Amazing. And a veteran and a Republican and an immigrant. And by the way very few people are more anti-communist and anti-Marxist than people who've come from

communist countries you want to hear someone who is a fucking anti-Marxist anti-communist talk to someone who's been from Russia those fucking people anybody who's been from the that eastern Europe they don't want to hear none of that bullshit they fucking they're they hate it when you see these college kids talk about Marxism has never been done correctly they're like you you know our country lost millions of people because of this yeah i think we're getting it's definitely things that we're getting into this softer kind of world we're getting into this like um soft people are things up yeah but do you think though this is a neat question for you joe Do you think though, this is a neat question for you, Joe. I mean, I think we'll see.

Do you think though that we're like, we're heading more towards like, we're not going to need any muscle. We're not going to need any. I think so. Like when you see aliens, like I remember one time we talked about aliens and, and, uh, there's, I, sometimes I think aliens are just people that just came back here to, it's just us. It could be. Cause it's the heads are big. The bodies are just people that just came back here to, it's just us. It could be.

Cause it's the heads are big. The bodies are nothing. They're just whittled away to nothing. We've talked about this before. If you go back, I remember you and I had this conversation and you go back and you, I say this all the time too. If you go back and look at like early man, like Neanderthals, Neanderthals were like five, seven. They were like 200 pounds. They basically built like me.

Like Uriah Faber. Yeah. U built like me. Like Uriah Faber. Yeah. Uriah Faber. Uriah Faber, yeah. And no shade either. Uriah Faber, he's got the heaviest hands. You shake his hand, you can't stop shaking. It follows you home.

That thing will fucking be, dude, that thing will be holding onto your wife and just, that dude's got a never-ending hand. That hand and that arm is an expert at strangling people. Yeah. He's one of the best guillotines of all time. Does he really? Oh, yeah. Oh, Uriah Faber is famous for his guillotine.

He gets a hold of that Nexon. You got real problems. He's a guillotine master. There's certain moves that some guys are just known for. Uriah Faber is known for that guillotine. His whole team is. And a lot of it is because of Uriah. Wow.

That team Alpha Male from up north, off of Northern California, they're known for their guillotines, and I think a lot of it is because of Uriah. Dude, I wouldn't even shake his fucking hand without putting a mitten on, dude. I need some support. Super good dude.

Real solid guy, very smart. Yeah, he's got some beautiful children, too. Yeah. But anyway, the point is that if you go back and look at Primitive Man, they had all these muscles and they had smaller brains. And then as people have become more and more intelligent, their bodies are not necessary anymore in terms of the ability to move things around. And our heads have gotten bigger.

So if you look at Bill Gates, right? He's another example. He's got this body that's basically like a water balloon. There's no density to it at all. You could stab him with your finger. You could just fuck you. You could probably kill him with a finger. If you really doubled up two fingers

and taped him, I am very confident I could kill him with two fingers. You could at least make his heart skip a beat. If I just had time, I could just remix him. Just remix him to death? I think I could kill him with a thumb, 100%. But I really think I could kill him with a thumb 100%. Yeah.

But I really think I could kill him with two fingers because a thumb, I'm most confident jabbing something with a thumb. Yeah,

and your thumb has more of a base. It's going to put the pressure wider. Two fingers is harder, but I think if I taped him up, I think I can fuck him up with two fingers.

If you took his fucking pulse hard enough, you could put him down. Yes, but the point is that I think if you looked at the natural progression of evolution of of the primate animal it eventually becomes this thing with a big head and this tiny body and now what's fucking us up more than anything well

war war um murder rape the theft the strong taking over and doing terrible things to the weaker right that's what we're really scared of when it comes to like barbarians and history you think about all the you know like the Vikings we think of like physical things taking over warlocks yeah that's a little different but my point is

what would be the best way to solve that well no sex what if they reproduce without sex? Aliens, that's one thing they say. They have no genitals, right? You don't need it. What if they genetically engineer a human being to the point where they no longer need genitals. So now we don't have any of those fucked up instincts and emotions that have clouded our judgment and ruined society.

Yeah, and maybe your head's giant and you could read each other's minds. So now there's no more confusion, so there's no naughty words and good words. There's no words that some people can say and some people can't because you're all reading thoughts. So it's just pure intent. I know exactly what you're thinking. You know exactly what I'm thinking, And we can relay information back and forth. So your mouth's not necessary.

So you develop this little tiny-ass fucking hole for a mouth. Basically no nose. And your body is just basically like a thing that moves your head around. Yeah. Right? Your body just has to have enough strength to move your head to another place. So maybe if aliens came back to visit, it it's like us going to a museum or something or driving through your old neighborhood you're like and i think maybe they don't come visit anymore

because they're like fuck we're not going back to that shit hole you know what i'm saying or maybe they do drive by like you go by your old high school like those are the days yeah yeah but not that many of them i bet there used to be more now they're like, it's not even worth going there anymore. Dude, I spent, I went down a rabbit hole last night. Fuck, what if we're right? It could be. It could be the future. I mean, look, I think that's the future of humans if we don't fuck things up.

I think we're eventually going to look like that. If we do or don't fuck things up. If we don't fuck things up. Or maybe if we do fuck things up, right? But I mean if we don't fuck things up in terms of blowing up the earth Oh, yeah But if we if we don't fuck things up and things continue to evolve in the way it's at now I feel like that's where we're going. It seems right. Well rich people aren't even hanging out on the planet anymore

They're getting out of the solar system going into space Yeah, I mean how obvious is it that the rest of us are down here they tried beating each other up at an arby's and they're out there they're fucking yeah i know jeff bezos has been to space he took his brother he's in the closet he took william shakner uh-uh yeah he took captain kirk into space Yeah, he took Captain Kirk into space Oh, yeah, I know I'm mostly from rescue 9-1-1 even that's insane though if you took the host of rescue Yeah, the fuck do you not know him from Star Trek bro, we watch Kirk yeah, but he's Captain Kirk I believe you that's just but we didn't watch it Joe. We watched rescue 9-1-1 and it was great

Wasn't he in another show? What other show was he on? He wasn't TJ hooker, right? No, I think he was in the committee majors The majors was the fall guy who was TJ hooker. I think the commish maybe no the commish was that dude who was in The bald guy who was in the Fantastic Four He was the thing that's incredible. I think you're thinking of Fantastic Four. He was the thing. That's incredible, I think, you're thinking of. Michael Chiklis. Michael Chiklis.

He was the commish. Oh, Michael Chiklis. Yeah. He was also in that one show that was really good. He's good. What was that show? It was a cop show that Michael Chiklis was in. Oh, The Shield.

The Shield. I didn't see that. The Shield was a good show. Remember? Did you ever interview that guy? T.J. Hooker. So who's that? It's Shatner. Oh, wow. It is Shatner. Look at him. Yeah, he was T.J.'t see that. The Shield was a good show. Remember, did you ever interview that guy? T.J. Hooker. So who's that? It's Shackner.

Oh, wow. It is Shackner. Look at him. Yeah, he was T.J. Look at that wig. Jesus. Is that a wig? All in.

Oh, yeah. He went all in with that one. You don't think that's his real hair? Nope. No, it's definitely not. He's got great wigs, though. How good can a wig be? It can only be so good.

You know, because if you're running and it gets sweaty, you're like, oh, my God, I wish I didn't have this thing. If you're wearing a wig, I don't think you're running anymore, though. I think some things you got to let go. Don't you think? I think so, yeah. The risk of running in a wig. That'll be one of our last Olympic sports, dude. With a good stiff breeze, like a sail sail when it pops up and slows you down.

He was doing great until the wig popped up. You can see just where it set him back here, Gil. Look at aliens, no hair at all. Hairless. Because it's unnecessary. Unnecessary. And then, again, what fucks us up? The desire to be dominant because it's a part of the animal kingdom, which is how people select for breeding.

Well, if we eliminate that totally, we don't have any need for generals and everybody looks the same. We also eliminate racism because everybody looks exactly the same. Beige power, dude. Right? There's no racism when you're gray. Oh. I think, looking back on, you can't even be racist now. Like, look at Ben Simmons.

You can't even decide. You're like, why don't I like him you know you're like it's like everybody's so mixed now like I feel like unless you have like a chart or you're willing to really graph something out you can't really even fucking be racist anymore there's still people hanging in there there's still people holding on to that old school racism there's still a few

especially down south. How many, though? Maybe a couple hundred? Not as many as there used to be. But when they come out, man, boy, they make a big deal out of it. Oh, with those Tiki Torch guys in Virginia? Remember that? Fucking idiots.

Papa did that all day. That was a thing that was going on during this Youngkin election. They had a fake Tiki Torch thing. They did it as a joke, and one of them was a black guy that came a fake tiki torch thing. They did it as like a joke and one of them was a black guy that came with the tiki torches and they were all pointing to those people saying, see, these are the people that are supporting

Youngkin. And then everyone's like, you fucking idiots. You just got trolled. Like this is fake. Well, you can troll the news all the time. Look at Tim Dillon. I mean, he's so great at it. Yeah, he did one recently with the Southwest Pilots. Oh, I saw that. That's so good.

He's the best. Tim Dillon is a national treasure. Tim Dillon is a national treasure, man. He's so important to comedy. We got to put him in a museum, dude. We got to. Protect Tim Dillon at all costs. When he got COVID, I was panicking.

Really? Oh, yeah, because he's a little panicking really oh yeah because he's a little thicker huh well he's a little big yeah we we took care of him and he knows that he we're not talking out of shop no he loves it but he's a he's he's so important for comedy because he's just like he's the best in my opinion at just fucking flat out ranting about the news just ranting you know like he like because he has been His producer who sits next to me is like a one-person audience Yeah, so he just rants you know and it's like his take on things is so absurd

Yours is too. You're gonna pretty absurd take on things too, but you're doing your shit solo Yeah, I think maybe you need to bring in a producer someone to crack up sit next to you. What do you think? Yeah, I would like some help but they might get annoying yeah i think maybe that's tough i had a little vietnamese fella for a little while but it was a it wasn't a good fit i think i think i gotta uh does that mean about the war no i, I mean, you know, people have different views on that, depending on what side you're on. But he didn't chime up about that. He never masturbated this guy who was born again Christian or double reborn or whatever. I don't know what it is. I have a hard time believing that.

Did he fuck pillows at least? Oh, you could look in his eyes and see nothing had ever come out of him, dude. Nothing ever? Bro, you could pat him on the back and hear the cum rattling him. Wow. I mean, the dude was full. I on the back and hear the cum rattle in him. Wow. I mean, the dude was full. I read the most confusing thing the other day. But yeah, I'd like to find somebody.

Sorry. I'm going to send this. Oh, yeah, you should. I'm going to send this to you, Jamie. Is this for me? Yeah. Yeah, whatever you want. If you want more, whatever you need.

I'm scared about what's in everything in here now. In here? Just in the world, man. I feel like everything could be dosed, laced. Who knows, man? Well, it's not going to be here. Don't worry about that. Okay, thank you, guys.

We're taking care of shit. I can't find it. But it was some... Yeah, but what if we don't have sex? A lot of people are going to be pissed. The day they're like, hey, we're not having no more sex. You say that, but what if there's a thing that you do with your mind that's way better than sex right this is why they're going to get people to have no sex if they can like you know elon is doing this thing

called neural link do you have you heard of this i've heard of this yeah right so it's going to be some sort of a quarter size thing they screw in your fucking head and a bunch of wires in there that lets you download information quicker you're're gonna be able to talk with no words That's his exact words to me probably use your phone on a plane a bet. Oh, yeah. Well, I think you can now Why it's hard though. It takes fucking it's a Wi-Fi better Yeah, they get better. You're right. What was my point? Sorry go ahead. So neural link you said what I said before that You said so they're to have no sex. We don't have to have any sex.

So if they get past this Neuralink thing, and it evolves and gets better and better, instead of just being able to talk with no words, you'll be able to combine souls. You'll be able to reach into someone's mind and embrace them. You'll be able to have orgasms on command anytime you want. You'll be able to be in a state of bliss and love constantly where you never have anger and frustration you never have road rage you never pissed off at people for something to happen ten years ago there's none of that you just bliss and enlightenment all the time who wouldn't take that what you want to live in struggle you want to be angry you want

to be filled with anxiety all the time behold outside probably I would for a couple months I'd be a holdout, I think. I would wait. Yeah. I would be a late adopter. Sort of like I'm waiting with the vaccine. Yeah, you're like, I don't know. We'll see.

Let's see how it shakes out. I've been down this road before. But you mean you could be at a party and just your wife's just ejaculating and you don't know who did it in the room? Like that kind of thing? Well, no one's going to touch her, so. Right. But still, it would be almost like a game of guess who.

Would you be upset if you were married and your wife had a mind meld with another person? Well, you say, yeah, if it was a man. But what if it was a woman? What if nobody has a dick? What if there are no dicks? See what I'm saying? I see. So there's no physical actual thing.

She's just having some experience. No one has genitals. It's just porn built into you. Yeah. If you look at the aliens, no one has genitals. Fuck. Maybe that's our future. No tits. No dicks. No vaginas. Maybe we're just seeing drawings with aliens with no genitals.

Are there some... With big dicks? Yeah. With hogs. Somebody told me black people and aliens don't get along. I remember hearing that, dude. Like seven years ago, somebody told me that. Who fucking told you that? Two black dudes at a freaking, you know where it was?

At that casino out near Palm Springs. Oh, that's a deadly casino. One of the first ever alien abduction cases was a black man and his wife. Betty and Barney Hill. And here's what's crazy. I am friends with Barney Hill's granddaughter. She fights in the UFC, Angela Hill. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I've watched her fight. Yeah. Angela Hill's a beast. Yeah. She fights in the UFC, and when she was on the podcast, she didn't even tell me until the podcast was over. And when it was over, she goes,

Oh, I forgot to tell you, my grandfather is Barney Hill. And I was like, what? And I was like, next podcast. We're getting into that. When I do a second podcast with her, we'll talk about that because that is a crazy story. Her grandfather was the first ever widely publicized abduction story. And they were driving down a road and there was some light above the car

and then they woke up hours later. I think that's the story. And they had to be, they had to remember what happened. Like their brains were somehow scrambled. But separately, they both had the exact same vision of what it was now People are super skeptical about this and I think they were hypnotized

Hypnotic regression, but something clearly had happened to them. They were missing time and This story was that they were taken aboard this spacecraft and it was one of the very first Stories about these kind of creatures these small kind of frail creatures which large with large heads that had abducted them damn it's wild man like the thing is like they weren't liars it's not like if you talk to some person and oh and i also saw a bigfoot and i also right i know where the locks nest monster sleeps you know but that's not the case these were like respectable like members of society that weren't liars. They weren't criminals.

And they had this story and this is only one story they had their whole life and they never changed the way they talked about it. So when people have that, it doesn't mean necessarily that that's what really happened to them. But man, it's like, it's hard to ignore when you've had so many people that have the same kind of story. It's hard to ignore. And black people have been through so much

to go with the alien story is a brave thing. Would be like, you know what I'm saying? When everybody else is kind of going with like more black rights and that kind of thing. And you're going to say, I'm going to do, this is what's happening. Like that would be, and also probably scary to say, I'm gonna do this is what's happening like that would be and also probably scary to say I got a

like what if people think like you know some white people probably thought oh that's only for whites well this was actually an interracial couple Betty and Barney Hill so they were bold in that sense too because in the 1950s right to be a married interracial couple they probably dealt with a bunch of

bullshit but it's a wild story in the Angela Hill that's her grandfather that's crazy To be a married interracial couple, they probably dealt with a bunch of bullshit. Wow. But it's a wild story. And Angela Hill, that's her grandfather. That's crazy. That's crazy. I don't know how much she talked to him about it or how much she knows about it. That's crazy, man. Damn, yeah. I wonder if he wrote a book or anything.

Did he? Well, he definitely gave a lot of interviews about it and talked about it. See if you can find something on it. It's pretty interesting. See if you can find a video of Barney Hill talking about his case. When he talks about it, man, you know, it's so hard to tell when you watch a video, because some people are just really good at lying. Yeah.

You could say, oh, I could tell, man. He's telling the truth. But I don't think you can. I think some people, they're just real crazy, and they're good at lying. I'll probably miss getting off, though, I bet. You think you'll have one last little, like, it'll be like a book burner where everybody shows up and busts out. Shoots a load. Yeah, for old time's sake.

I think it'll be our great, great grandchildren that have no genitals. I don't think it'll be us. No, no, no. Yeah, not us. It'll be more of a, they do it at birth. Yeah. But there'll be like a countdown, like on New Year's, everybody does one last freaking hurrah off the cliff or something. Three, two, one.

Yeah. Maybe. Dude, I remember, right? You remember the first time you could ever ejaculate or no? I don't think I remember the first time I ever ejaculated. What? I'm trying to remember. How could you not, bro? Well, i had sex before i ever masturbated oh yeah

i started masturbating after i had sex no way man i don't know if that happens to a lot of people that doesn't it's pretty rare oh my god dude and then after i had a girlfriend and started fooling around then i realized like how dependent on Her I was for that feeling for sex because you know when you're 15 16 years old like you are so horny Like all the time. It's like you're aching. It's horrific. Do you remember those days? Yeah, you get those steel boners It just controlled your life like a compass due north I remember opening my pants to pee and I would hear peeing out of a boner just hot peeing sideways in a freaking thing just to

pull your hand on the wall and bend towards it like you're fucking and then try to hold yourself up with one hand and push your boner down with your other hand yeah yeah like push it down like you're trying to force a drunk out of a bar dude i remember when i could first ejaculate i remember they had this lady i'd go outside in the morning so i'm gonna jerk off outside and they had this lady that would walk these two dogs right and so the look because I remember seeing on nature channel where if like there's urine or animal semen like some animals won't it's like territory right so I remember she'd walk these two dogs and I would do it in like different spots to see if the animal like what they would

do like a reaction and the little one would go over there and the big one would never even really yeah it was like the little one would go over there and the big one would never even really yeah it was like the little one i guess almost felt like uh he's a cuck yeah yeah you want to go over the sniff your loads but the big one didn't want that smoke baby but i remember that dude, it was so exciting. I remember, here's one thing I do really, really recollect emotionally was that I had this thing

that made me feel good. I could feel good whenever I wanted to. And that was a huge thing for me. Yeah. Like if I was having a horrible day or I was thinking, you know, I was not feeling good about myself, which was a lot as a kid, I could come home and I could bust one. It was suddenly I had control over how I felt.

Right. And it was the only way to do it. And it was this, which is probably not a great way to establish feeling decent, you know. But suddenly I had that little decent stick on me you know what i used it for a sleeping pill it was great if i couldn't sleep whack one off i could see that for you out cold i could see that here we go like if i need to take a nap and i know i only have like an hour i'm like well 15 minutes it'll be me beating off and then I'll definitely get that 45 in. Otherwise, I'm laying there for fucking 35 minutes going, if I go to sleep now, I get 15 minutes.

Shit, if I go to sleep now, I can sleep for 10 minutes. I bust a nut. Then I'm going to sleep right away. There's no ifs, ands, or buts. I'm snoring. I'm sucking on my own tongue at that point. Yeah. I'm out. Yeah. Yeah, I remember.oring. I'm sucking on my own tongue at that point. Yeah. I'm out, yeah.

Yeah, I remember. That shit was fun, dude. That was fun being just the bust were just like, oh, beautiful. I remember when I was 16 years old, it was like one of the first times a girl had ever given me a blowjob. This girl was dating and gave me a blowjob. Inside? Outside on a porch. Yeah. blowjob. This girl was dating and gave me a blowjob. Inside? Outside on a porch. Yep. At nighttime. This girl was dating

and I came so hard my ears rang. The only time in my life. It was like bee! I was lightheaded. I was like, Jesus. Because those were like 16 year old cum shots. I was like, Jesus. Because those were like 16-year-old cum shots. That's a different thing.

When you've been just storing it up for a few weeks. It was like watching those guys who go off that thing on the Olympics. It was like that, too. Skiers. Yeah. Oh, man. That was fun, dude. You know what's really crazy is that you think about the difference between being 11, 12, and then 13, 14, 15, 16.

In just five years, your desire, like what you want to do with the world, changes 100%. All of a sudden, you've got all these crazy hormones in your system. You're confused. You're hard all the time. You get boners in class all the time. I'd have to pull out my shirt. If you sat down too long, you would get a boner. You have to walk up to the board backwards and shit, just weird shit.

Or you would tuck it into the top. It's almost like you'd be poking out of the top of your underwear. Wear a Lamaze shirt from your stepmom. If you have a hard on and it's like this, you got a problem. But if you take it and you put it like that and put that. You lock it in. Lock it in with the rubber from the underwear band. And it's like he's poking out of the top.

And you put the clothes over it. You're like, ooh, nothing to see here. Put it in that hard scarf, baby. You know what I'm saying? That's your next invention. Joe Rogan's teenage boner lock underwear. Do you know Elvis had a boner in a movie? There was a movie.

Oh, yeah, I believe it. Some movie with women. I forget what it's called. Women are in the title. But there's a scene where Elvis is with this girl, and she's pretty fucking hot and Elvis is like dancing with her And he's got a full rod like it's poking out of his pants, and they left it in there Damn, they didn't even cut around it So no when I get real excited even still I'll grab my penis and squeeze it do you ever do that?

When it's hard or soft when it's soft you just grab it. Yeah you ever do that? When it's hard or soft? When it's soft. You just grab it? Yeah, like it makes me feel. Wake up, bitch. No, it's just like. What are you saying? Like, yeah. Let me think. I don't like to squeeze it

when it's soft. It hurts. Yeah, it makes me feel kind of fired up. So Elvis in this scene, yeah. The walls have ears. Look at that. Got a full.

Damn. Back that up a little bit. Daddy running that rod out there, huh? Watch this as he moves. Watch this. Watch this right there. Bro. Back that up a little bit. Daddy running that rod out there, huh? Watch this as he moves. Watch this. Watch this. Right there. Bro.

He's got a boner. That's that 11 pound test he's got going on. Look how she backs her vagina back. Like, yes. She realizes something's going on there. Immediately. Bro, women were different back then. No one worked out.

Oh, well, it's like if you go to like Europe now it's like it's almost like they don't have a lot of gyms and stuff really yeah Oh Italy I noticed that yeah you go to Italy like their gyms are bullshit like where the fuck are your weight it's like a pizzeria every every gym is a servant pizza people eating pizza like they had like one of these cable machines the cables were fucked up I was trying to do chaps off of it. It just got cable. It was like a direct TV. You're just watching shows.

They had one treadmill, and this was like a nice place I was staying at. Yeah, maybe that's just Italy. I thought it was maybe in France too, but I realized that when I was in Europe one time. I said, damn, they don't really have – they're not as concerned with the appearance of the appearance of the fitness, you know? I just don't think it's part of their culture. Their culture is about eating and drinking wine and relaxing and having fun. They have a different view on things. I don't know what's better or worse, but they seem to have a more relaxed take on things.

Yeah. And their food's better. So maybe they're right. Well, our food is all stressed out, you know? I think even the meat you get is stressed and i was thinking about this the other day dude anybody like the other day i had a steak like on a tuesday or something dude like steak used to be like remember steak was for yeah i remember the first time i saw a steak i think i was 19 or 22 years old first time i saw

a steak right really yeah we didn't We didn't have a steak. Right. And if you did, it was like a bullshit steak. If we did, it was off somebody, you know, somebody down the street was fucking slaying something. It could have been fucking part of their wife, dude. Who knows? But now people are having steak on a somebody, you know, somebody

gets an A on a test. It used to be steak was for somebody who had done something. Yes yes it was a celebratory thing yeah now it's like like people would say i'll treat you to a steak dinner yes yeah steak dinner was like a big deal like i had steak yesterday we had everybody just yeah it just there's no the rewards there's it's like the rewards are on tuesdays now it's like. Yeah, my kids are like steak again. Yeah. Do you understand?

This is the best food, the most nutritious food, most nutrient dense food. Fuck all that propaganda. And that was a diet where people only eat steak. Oh, yeah. Jordan Peterson was on it, wasn't he? Still on it. Damn. He's still on it.

I don't know. I've tried it. Carnivore diet. I don't know. Maybe I haven't tried that. Well, that's what it is. It's all on it. Damn. He's still on it. I don't know. I've tried it. Carnivore diet. I don't know. Maybe I haven't tried that. Well, that's what it is. It's an all-steak diet. They're just eating steak.

Jordan just has steak and salt and water. That's it. Damn. He even gets his blood work done. Apparently, he's okay. You know. Yeah, I just got on some, what did I get on? Oh, probiotics.

Oh. And that's really been helping me. Yeah? Dude, I got, like, about a year and a half ago, I got so, or maybe tears got so angry. Maybe it was during the pandemic. I don't know what it was. It was like I was dealing with all this. Stress?

Stress and anger. I couldn't deal with it. I remember I saw you at, I think it was at the Improv, and I had to cancel some shows one weekend. Yeah. And I said, hey, do you think I should cancel these shows? And you said, no, I don't think you should, but I had to cancel. There's just nothing I could. I was just like burnt.

You were having anxiety too. I think I was, yeah. I was just burnt out. Yeah. Yeah, I remember you were confused about it. But here's the thing is like you always love doing shows. So if there's a time where you don't want to do shows like there's got to be something legitimately wrong yeah you know yeah

that's what i realized that something was going on i didn't know what it was a lot of it was anger man anger at what i don't know nothing no specific reason i tried i mean i tried like um i've just done a ton of yoga. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Isn't that amazing? It's been helping. For like relieving anger.

Oh. You're so peaceful after you get out of there. Yoga, meditation. I tried the ketamine. Oh, you did the nasal spray? No, I did the shoot them up. Oh, did you really? Did you do the IV?

Yeah. You went to a doctor? Six sessions, yeah. With a therapist in the room. Did you trip? Did you do the IV? Yeah. You went to a doctor? Six sessions, yeah, with a therapist in the room. Did you trip balls? Bro, I thought. Talk to me. Dude, there was a moment, no joke, where I thought it was a tonsil.

There was a time where I thought it was a tonsil. A tonsil. Maybe you are. Human, bro. Yeah, totally. I wouldn't be shocked. Maybe we're all cells in a tonsil. Because you know how like an atom, if you think of an atom, most of it is like empty space, right?

Yeah, just like a solar system. Right. Maybe that's like the whole universe is like an atom. Oh, I wouldn't be shocked by that. And you really are an atom in a tonsil. But the reveal on that wouldn't be, I need something more than that. So when you thought you were tonsil tell me what the experience was like okay so they put you in the thing you're

sitting there in the chair and then suddenly like um you have your eyes closed and you're talking with a therapist the whole time during this place is he talking too much no is he like me no i don't think i'm glad you Cause I don't, it's hard for me. The most I've ever talked to my life is a couple of times. Like if I'd had even one of the conversations I have with you with my father total, then I'd probably be a different human. Bro, you know what's hilarious? I know, right? If I had those conversations with my father,

I probably wouldn't be having them with the rest of the world. My whole life, dude, I swear to God my parents always told me I talked too much really Yeah, like you talk too much, but I can ask all these questions I was always curious and they're like we shut the fuck up like you talk too much. Yeah, I was always talking I was always like what is this and why do you do that who fuckers wants? Why does anybody want that? I always wanted to keep talking. I wanted to keep people awake. Like, wake up.

Come on, we're going to keep talking. Not really. And everybody was like, you talk too much. And then it became what I do. Wow. It's kind of crazy. It's kind of crazy. But did you know people were so, you remember people saying you talk too much?

A hundred percent. I was annoying. Wow. Because I know people that are like that that was me that's funny i hadn't thought of you like that maybe it's because it's been presented to me uh well i polished it up oh yeah yeah there you go you know you know if you like you got a kid who's got a lot of wild energy but then you teach him martial arts and then that kid becomes like really good at martial arts. He polished it up.

Well, it reminds me, Dustin Poirier, he used to fight dudes in his town in front of the police station because he knew they were going to get arrested. So he would meet them there to fight. Perfect. He's such a nice guy. He's like, we're going to be in here anyway. Let's meet right over here. That's a good move.

But then he polished it up. Yeah, he polished it up, and now he's a world champion. Yeah. That's what it is. There you are. And now you're a world champion. In a way, yeah. In podcasting. You're certainly a, yeah world champion. Yeah. That's what it is. There you are. And now you're a world champion. In a way, yeah. In podcasting.

You're certainly a, yeah, you certainly are. That's commendable. Wow, it's interesting. So tell me about this ketamine. Okay, so you go in, you're sitting in the chair, and then you start to close your eyes, and you start to- So they give you an IV. IV, yeah.

And how big is the bag? Is it like a regular IV bag, the whole deal? Yeah, first couple sessions, they let you, they see how you're going to do. They want to make sure you're not going to freak. Pull the cord out of your arm, grab the doc. Oh, I go in there wearing all Army fatigues and shit. They're like, this ain't going to go well. With fucking football paint under your eyes.

With an Aaron Rodgers jersey on. Shout out to Aaron Rodgers. Well, he has time to listen this weekend. He does. There you go. Well, if he stays off Twitter. That's true, huh? He might get caught up in the hate.

Oh, he's a white Kyrie Irving, dude. Good for him. Well, Kyrie Irving's not getting nearly the hate that he is. That's true. He's getting a lot of hate today. It's interesting. Yeah, I did notice that even last night they were talking about it on tv these two complete nerds were talking about aaron rogers

i'm like you guys couldn't even here's the thing about aaron rogers i could say this now because he's gone through this whole thing he's allergic to one of the main ingredients in the vaccine oh really yeah there's a there's an there's a an ingredient that's in the capsule, and I hope I'm not doing any disservice to him because he told me this in confidence. He told me this, but people need to know this. He's not vaccine hesitant because he's like a conspiracy theorist. What is the ingredient? Propylethylene glycol, some shit. I don't remember the actual term for it but he has a reaction to

it he has he has a legit allergy to this stuff and it's in shampoos it's it's a it's a commonly used chemical yeah and he has a legit allergy to this commonly his hair looks oily actually maybe that's why maybe my brother's highly allergic to sesame seeds really sesame seeds yeah i love him i've never heard that i've heard peanuts and yeah me too brian cowan's mom can't even touch a brazil nut really damn she licks a brazil nut she falls down like a fucking timber damn why ain't taking her to rio you know what i'm saying propylene glycol. Is that what it's called?

Yeah, that's it. Aaron Rodgers is allergic to that. So if he did get injected with the vaccine, it's highly likely that he would have an adverse reaction, an allergic reaction. And see, this is the thing about vaccines and all kinds of medications and even all kinds of foods. Like you and I can eat Brazil nuts, no problem. Brian's mom eats it. She's dead, right? So if there's three people in a room and two of them are you

and one of them is Brian's mom, you know, we could all eat Brazil nuts. You and I would be fine. But, like, what's the big deal? Just take your Brazil nut. Take it for society. Eat your Brazil nut. Meanwhile, she's dead. This is the thing.

The CDC's website says if you have an allergic reaction to anything in it, you should not. Say, if you're allergic to an ingredient in COVID-19 vaccine, if you have had a severe allergic reaction or an immediate allergic reaction, even if it was not severe, to any ingredient in the mRNA COVID-19 vaccine, you should not get either of the currently available mRNA COVID-19 vaccines. By the way, the way I said that loud, it's because it's bold. It's in bold type on the CDC website. It says Pfizer, BioNTech, and Moderna.

If you have had a severe allergic reaction or an immediate allergic reaction to any ingredient in the Johnson & Johnson vaccine, and it says in all bold you should not get the j and j jansen vaccine so he's literally following the cdc's recommendations on their website he's not a dummy he's a fucking smart dude the reason why he hasn't gotten vaccinated is he has a legitimate allergy to one of the ingredients in the vaccine. Yeah. And some people could and don't know it also. I mean, yeah. I think maybe, what do you do?

Do you just start a league for people that aren't vaccinated then, do you think? No, man. You fucking give them the goddamn monoclonal antibodies when they get sick and they get better quick. I agree. And then they have antibodies like you do, which makes you more resilient to the virus in the future. I'm upstairs, baby. I'm here.

I think the problem with this is there's like a one level approach. Right. People only look at it one way. You got to get vaccinated. They're not looking at it in that like maybe we should expand treatment. Maybe we should look at all these other treatments and find out what's the most effective. And that monoclonal antibodies is insanely effective. Well, mainstream media hooked themselves so much

to these original things, I think, because they also have advertisers attached and stuff. Brought to you by Pfizer. I know, isn't that crazy? Anderson Cooper, brought to you by Pfizer. Don Lemon, brought to you by Pfizer. When you see that ad, the fucking compilation of all the brought to you by Pfizer, it's on that ad, the fucking compilation of all

the brought to you by Pfizer, it's on my Instagram. Dude, I'm blacker than Don Lemon, dude. Let's be realistic. You might be. Let's be realistic. Let that hang there. Let's do a dead silence. Let it sit. Let that mill around. You're definitely more respective on the streets. you're definitely more respected that's what i'm saying dude 100 that's what i'm

saying bro i've been dude i got fiddled diddled by a black guy when i was growing up congratulations thank you how was it i didn't you know i didn't have any i mean it was you know we were kids you know i'm saying it was like it wasn't fucking it wasn't invasive in the back it was, you know, we were kids. You know what I'm saying? It was like, it wasn't fucking, it wasn't invasive in the back. It was just front, but it was, you know, so that's different. It's weird when somebody goes into your body. Then if somebody just touches your penis. Or puts your body into them. That's different.

Yeah, that didn't happen. This man was just doing. Odd things. Yeah, it is. He kept picking us up and down by our, trying to pick us up and down by our penis. He's like, I'm going to pick you up by your penis, kind of. And he would just like pick his, like just like an inch. Like it was like a joke.

You know what I'm talking about? Right, yeah. So then in the end, he just. And then he let you down. Right. And then he picked you up again. So he's just touching your penis. Yeah, he let you down. He's like, hey.

He was trying to find out who gets hard. Yeah, he was. And if you got hard, he'd be like, I got one. And I didn't, I didn't. Right, it's like fishing. Yeah. You know, you cast a lot of lines out't. I didn't. It's like fishing. Yeah. You know? You cast a lot of lines out there.

Most of them, you don't get a bite. But every now and then, you get that little something on the line. You hear that drag pulling. Dude, remember that guy that took you fishing? Remember that story he told me that time? Oh, yeah. Well, he didn't take me fishing. He actually used to jog around the lake while we fished and became friends with us.

And then I was 13 years old, 12 or 13. I think I was 13. And he said to me one day, I'll never forget this. He goes, you know I love you, right? And that was a little odd. It was a little odd because he was drunk. And we were at a particular part of this pond. There was no one around.

There was like this main pond. It's called Jamaica Pond. It's in Jamaica Plain and New York. No Boston and Jamaica Plains like a part of Boston and There's this one pond that we would go fishing at all the time me and my friend Josh and This dude used to come by and say hi to us and he used to be a school teacher and he got fired Yeah, I'm trying to explain how he got fired I mean it's like that people didn't understand him and this now but really was he was fucking kids

He was serving out. He was perving out. Oh And he said to me that he loved me and I remember thinking, you know, where is this going? He was drunk too. And did you believe that he loved you or not? I was confused cuz I was like something feels wrong. You know I know each other that well We knew each other like friendly like oh, yeah He would hang out. You know I'd actually been to his house before oh Yeah, which is really kind of scary now that I think stop and think about it was the wrong dude You know I was 13 when you're 13 you're fucking dumb. You know and then or you're trusting exactly

I was trusting because he was a smart guy he was very smart because he was in the korean war and he was talking to me about the korean war and he would tell you about you know what it was like to serve and he uh he watched a guy back into a propeller i remember he told me that his name was walter he watched the guy back he the guy and he didn't yell or anything he's telling him to stop i't think you know it's why the guy fucked up and he backed into a propeller and just got his fucking head obliterated that was it just spray and done dead I'm just reading that book by that guy uh who's got it shot bin Laden that was part of that group I don't know his name but I know he talking about it's it's pretty

interesting I didn't ever know so much about like buds and like navy seal program and stuff but his story like goes it's interesting all the way through anyway go on so yeah that was kind of so he told me he loved me and i was like real confused and i think i said i like you too or something like that and he goes you can't be love without sex i remember saying that and then i remember i'm reeling in my line and and I had a knife in my pocket. I put my hand on my knife, and I said, get the fuck away from me. And I said, leave me alone. And he's like, you're reacting to this the wrong way.

You're overreacting. I'm like, leave me the fuck alone. And luckily, he left me the fuck alone. Wow. Luckily. But he was a grown man, and I was a small kid. I could have been. Were you tough, though?

No. No, not at all. No, when I was 13, I wasn't tough at all. You were pretty handsome, though. I remember seeing pictures of you tough though no no not at all no when I was 13 I wasn't tough at all you were pretty handsome I remember seeing pictures of you I was boy cute but it was one of those things

you could have been in a boy band you could have been in a violent boy band I became tough because I was scared like I learned

how to fight because I was nervous and because we moved around a lot and when I moved to a new high school like my first year of high school I was in a new neighborhood and so I was the and because we moved around a lot. And when I moved to a new high school, like my first year of high school,

I was in a new neighborhood. And so I was the kid that got picked on. And I wasn't a big kid. And so they fucked with me and I didn't know how to fight. So I was like, God damn it. I need to learn how to do martial arts. And then I started doing martial arts and I became obsessed. And so I became what I was afraid of.

Interesting, man. That's an interesting concept for people to take away, I think. Yeah, to try a way to become what you're afraid of. Interesting, man. That's an interesting concept for people to take away, I think. Yeah, to try a way to become what you're afraid of.

Well, that's what I was afraid of was someone who actually knew how to fight. Right. So I became that. Yeah. Yeah.

And it alleviated that feeling completely. That was the wildest thing. Like, I was always worried about being picked on and it just alleviated that. Yeah.

I remember. Who led you into it though? it just alleviated that. Yeah. I remember. Who led you into it, though? Was there a person that first said, hey, yo, gee up over here? No, it was me. I knew I needed to learn how to do martial arts. I needed to learn how to fight. Was it boxing or martial? Was it?

Well, I started with, I did kung fu a little bit when I was a kid, but I didn't really stick with it. But then I did karate when I was 14, and then I went from Karate to Taekwondo. And I also did wrestling. I wrestled for a season. But I couldn't wrestle and do Taekwondo at the same time. And I had a natural ability at Taekwondo. There was something about hitting people that I was good at. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. Yeah, because I'll go to some classes at the National MMA sometimes, and it makes me feel like part of a group. It makes me feel more capable a little bit. A lot of camaraderie. Yeah. It's like, it feels,

there's an alleviation of pressure when you're done working out that's like nothing else. Like, you feel so good after it's over. You feel so peaceful and relaxed. And even surviving, like just grappling with somebody like, a few minutes and surviving through that. Even if nobody beat any, it's like, fuck, yeah, I made it. Wow.

Okay, so, like, I can at least. It just takes some of the little fears away just a little bit at a time. Yeah. And it's also great at alleviating stress because it's controlled chaos, right? It's, like, controlled aggression and controlled, like, there's a it's controlled chaos right it's like controlled aggression and controlled uh like there's a lot of fear because you might get tapped you might get strangled so there's like this struggle but it's controlled struggle yeah then it's after it's over you're so peaceful like guys who do jujitsu all the time are some of the nicest fucking people i know

like some of my nicest friends are friends that do jujitsu. Oh, yeah. They're so friendly. They're so kind. Yeah, some of the most interesting people I've met, man, are... Dude, it's funny because I'll go into a jujitsu place and just because I know you, people are like, dude, I don't know anything.

People are kicking me in the back of the fucking neck. People are Kimura-ing my fucking... My Cossacks. People are fucking... You're kind of the fucking neck. People are Kimora-ing my fucking, my Cossacks. People are fucking. You're trying to do what a Cossacks is. Bro, I'm fucking. They're turning me into an A&A and he's in that bitch. They're like, he's awesome, you know?

So tell me about this ketamine trip. You keep getting off track. Yeah, sorry, man. No, don't apologize. This is awesome. I miss you so much, man. Yeah, I miss you too. Thanks for having me.

I'm happy that you guys are doing so good down here. I love it down here. This is awesome. I miss you so much, man. Yeah, I miss you too. Thanks for having me. I'm happy that you guys are doing so good down here. I love it down here. It's exciting. It's been scary kind of, I think, being in, because I still have my apartment in LA, so I'll go back to work on material, you know? Sketchy though, right?

Well, I did notice one time I got off the plane and everybody's in masks and everybody's scared. Smell it in the air. Like them salts. Yeah, dude. And I'm going to take another hit at the very end of the salt. I'm an addict, bro. Let's open that bag up again, Jamie. Honestly, do get it out.

Open that bag. Honestly, do get it. He likes it. He likes it. You hear that, Rob? He likes it. Oh, my God. Take a whiff.

Just open the bag. You don't need to open the whole thing. Just get a little remember whiff. Just a little remember whiff. Just open the bag. You don't need to open the whole thing. Just get a little, like, remember whiff. Just a little remember whiff. Give me some, too. I'm going to be there with you. Here we go. Yeah, bro.

Jesus. Yeah, again, you're not supposed to smell it. You're supposed to want it. But here's the thing, dude. The lid is sealed. This is super sealed. There's no way they sell that on the internet, huh? I don't know how it stays in the Ziploc bag.

That's got to be the most powerful Ziploc bag ever. We bought this online, right? Yeah. Bro, I smelled it with my eyes. Do you feel that in your eyes? This is that Juju... How do you say his name? Mufu.

Juju Mufu, guys. It's called... What is it called? That's what it's called. How to recalibrate your nuts right there. I'll show everybody the thing. I'm going to get one more. It's just so everybody knows what it is. Can How to recalibrate your nuts right there. I'll show everybody the thing. I'm going to get one more. It's just so everybody knows what it is.

Can you get a focus on it? That's what it is. I don't think you should be showing that to people, dude. The guy who sells this is fucking jacked. We want to see. Show Theo a picture of the dude who sells this. He's jacked, but he hasn't. Yes, I do.

But he hasn't. Yes, I do. He loves it. He hasn't slept in five years. He just wakes up and then... Look at him. That's the dude. Oh my god.

Full splits, holding, looks like 155 pounds overhead. That's a lot. He's jacked. He's super jacked. Yuji Mufu. Maybe I will start using this. This is his stuff. With a lot he's jacked he's super jacked yuji mufu maybe i will start using this this is his stuff with a lot of those whoa i took a slow hit boy dang why did you do that because it feels good all right back to ketamine yeah okay so i'm sitting there in the chair and the man named john the serp the sherpa kind of you're in there with a sherpa and it's a sherpa i

thought it was a like a counselor or something. I mean, it's a counselor. He had a whistle around his neck, so that's the only part that made it a little bit dicey. God damn it. But it was sanctioned. It's in a beautiful facility. It's a nice facility. So go in, they put it in you.

I'm sitting in the chair. He had a whistle? I think it might have been a safety piece he had from being a child or something. He could have been, I don't know, lifeguard. I have no idea what his past was like. But he was a nice guy, but he's a therapist. So I'm sitting there and I start dreaming, you know, like a regular dream, you know. I start dreaming a little bit.

I'm still talking to him. And then I start talking about being a kid. You know, I love thinking about being a kid and stuff. And so I start talking about being a child. And then, I love thinking about being a kid and stuff. And so I start talking about being a child. And then I start talking about my dad. And now like the darkness is starting to have like kind of shapes in it. And things are starting to feel that I'm talking about are starting to feel real. Like this feels real.

I'm sitting in here with you and there's this table here. And this, so I can feel this feels real. Jamie's right there. So things like that I'm talking about start to feel it has a feeling not just a vision so i started to feel i was talking about my dad and next thing you know i'm spending time with my dad like i'm with my dad whoa and i and you know and i ain't gotten to spend time with my dad in 20 years so like um and i remember i got to let my dad know that I loved him. I didn't know if he ever knew, you know?

And it was this crazy thing, dude. I'm sitting there and I'm bawling, crying. And like, I didn't plan on that when I went in there. But it felt like I was really with my, like it felt as real as sitting here with you. Which for somebody being deceased and gone it was so powerful i would think that that would be a hard thing to share with someone you don't know i guess maybe that's where the academy really comes in and i didn't uh it didn't bother you that you didn't know and i'm okay with i shared a lot of emotion i share a lot of like

yeah i share a lot of emotional stuff so i think I'm probably more prone to it maybe than some people. But I would just imagine that if you don't know this man and you're sitting down, it's like an intensely personal part of your life. Well, he became, the therapist became just somebody I would check in. I would say, John, is everything okay? Am I okay? Because I started to feel, then I started to slide down the edge of the universe for a minute. What's that like? It was, it was,

it was hard. It was hard because you don't have any ropes or anything. I mean, you're out there just, you're like, you know,

hope, soul, or you're solo hope or whatever that guy is who climbed that guy. You had him on. Free solo, Alex Honnold.

Yeah, you're like that too, but there's no, But there's no mountain. No ropes. No mountain. But you do have a bag of chalk on your belt. I didn't notice that. But I felt like a cryptocurrency.

I felt myself like going through these channels. And then I came back to another moment. I got to spend time with, oh, I got to see my mom when she was a kid which I thought was kind of interesting wow and just see that she was like a happy child or something you know or just I don't know so there was moments like that for me that were extremely intense and real um and otherwise it was a lot of moments where I was just out of my I was out of the chair I remember at some points, how am I ever going to get back into that chair? Wow. They'll never get me back in there.

I was just so far out in my head. How long did it last? It felt like it lasted for about maybe, maybe 13 minutes, but it was an hour. Neil Brennan told me about it first. He was the first guy to tell me about it. I'll never forget. We were in the hallway of the comedy store.

You know, Neil's an intense guy. Yeah. And he looks at me and he goes, he's like, I was tripping. He goes, I didn't know what it was going to be because I was fucking tripping. Yeah. And it was, for him, it was to deal with depression. Yeah. He said it was very effective.

Wow. To help him a lot. I took away from it. If you had like some severe tragedy or something like that, then it would really help. For me, it didn't feel like a long-term solution. It didn't help me with my anger, really. So where do you think your anger's coming from? I don't know, man.

I don't recognize you as an angry guy. Like you and I have only had laughs. Yeah. When you and I have been hanging out, it's always been just like know, man. I don't recognize you as an angry guy. Like you and I have only had laughs. Yeah. When you and I have been hanging out, it's always been just like this, fun. Yeah, I think some of it's maybe responsibility. Responsibility makes you angry? Yeah. I think sometimes, I think maybe, I think I thought that whenever my life got,

like whenever I got more success in my job or something, that I would feel some. Satisfaction? Something. Like you feel like you made it. I thought I would feel like, yes, it's different. Right. And I feel appreciative. I feel happy.

And I'm not saying I'm amazing in my job, but once I started to have some success in my job, that I would feel different. I see what you're saying. And I just didn't. I don't know. You're still the same. Everything's still kind of this. You still have all the same things, you know. Do you ever have imposter syndrome?

I've heard about it. You don't have that? I don't know if I do. The idea is that you can't believe that you're successful, and you feel like eventually the world's going to wake up and go, why the fuck am I paying attention to this guy? He's out here talking crazy shit about his cousin getting bit by a gay guy. Well, it happened on Halloween.

You know? That's my favorite joke you do. Well, it happened in Los Angeles, dude. That joke kills me. It fucking happened in Los Angeles, dude? That joke kills me. It fucking happened in Los Angeles. The guy was dressed up like a baby deer and my cousin

loved to deer hunt. That was the crazy part. So the dude comes out and he, you know, his first instinct is to feed him or whatever, you know,

sprinkle that piss out there or whatever. And the fucking dude bit him, man. That's, you know, that's Newsome. A guy biting you. Is it newsome's fault i don't know

i'm willing to go with you and blame newsome i don't know i mean it's just it's just halloween you know i remember there was a gay man on halloween dressed up like a mermaid and he kept saying help me up he was laying on the pavement out in west hollywood oh my god i thought that was a good trap i Because I even stopped for a second. That's a great trap. Yeah. That's a great trap. That's a great trap.

Somehow or another, like, gay traps don't bother me as much. Like, if a guy lays a trap for a woman, that bothers me. But, like, gay traps, like, come on, son. You got tricked by that? You got tricked by that mermaid trap? Dude, there was this hot girl one time, and she told this guy was hitting on her, and she said, if you kiss my gay friend, then I'll make out with you. The dude kissed the friend, and then she said, nah.

The dude just kissed the guy. Brutal. That's a good gay trap. Well, that's good on her, and fuck him. Would you ever let a gay dude flirt? Did you ever let a gay guy flirt with you a little just to keep your spirits up a little? Keep my spirits up a little?

Or just like, say you're sitting somewhere, you're talking to a guy, and it's a gay guy. Did you ever, you know, not act real straight or something because you were... You know what I'm saying, though, to try to just have a decent day or whatever?

You know what I'm talking about, about that like you took advantage of i've had a lot of problems in my life but one thing i've not had a problem with is depression yeah i've never had a problem with depression and i think the reason why i mean i've i've had shitty days where it doesn't feel good but i've never had like prolonged i know people that have actual depression i've had bad days but i think it's because i've always been busy i think that's my key is like i've always had things i'm obsessed with whether it's martial arts or comedy or pool or all these different things that i've been obsessed with they they keep me busy and that keeps me from like really like getting down on myself And I've seen people like sink deep into the depths. Oh, I don't know if they're gonna come out of it

So I've never had a problem where I needed someone to pick me up like that. So no Yeah, the answer but I have had gay guys that flirted with me It was fun as long as it was like an understanding that is we're being silly you're being silly right like don't grab my dick everybody's just don't silly it's like yeah it's it's less threatening than like for a woman if a guy is hitting on a woman the girl's not receptive she's not interested right but the guy's aggressive about it It gets to a point where it's like oh Jesus like am I in trouble here? Am I scared like women can be in trouble where I was like don't make me fuck you up right like hey Hey, I'm fine. Yeah, hey, yeah, hey stop

Stop you know wasn't like I was in danger Yeah, you know which is the nice thing about knowing how to fight right it's like in situations like that. We like hey hey hey Stop yeah relax Yeah, me alone Everything yeah, but I did have to push some guys arms off me once I was in Montreal and this fucking dude Kept trying me to get get me to go up to his hotel room with him. Oh, he was drunk Canadian There he was super aggressive aggressive they'll grapple yeah

yeah man i uh yeah i remember one time this dude was kind of flirting with me and i i kind of let it happen a little bit but i remember i drew like how far what's a little bit i mean just touching no sitting at a bar calling let rest his head on your shoulder? Doing a crossword together. Imagine if a guy... That's a doku. Imagine if a guy is like, I just want to lay my head on your shoulder. That's it. All right, man, go ahead. You know, we were just talking about this the other day.

Listen, how come... I would put those things like they put for birds on your shoulders, you know what I'm talking about? To keep birds from shitting on a roof? To keep them from landing on the bench, yeah. Sorry to interrupt you. Maybe that's what Gene Simmons' costume was all about.

Yeah, I put on a Gene Simmons costume. The spikes. It was, we were just having this conversation the other day. Why is it like every man shakes a man's hand? Yeah. How you doing? Nice to meet you. But you can't hold on to it.

You can't hold a man's hand because that's gay. Indian men, I noticed, do it. They'll stay in there longer. Well, it's a big thing with Saudi Arabia. Arabia like there was a video that like it got it was real weird with George Bush W when he was president was walking holding hands with one of the Saudi Royals they were holding hands because in their culture that is a normal thing to do but it's weird because we shake hands shaking hands is a hundred percent normal right and not only that like you have to do it firm handshake right nice to meet you how are you how are you good to see you like a nice firm handshake i like that man hello but

hang on to it let's hold hands no i'm not into that bro yeah i'm into just a quick shake and then i'm out yeah i just want to see if i'm gay i want to see if my dick gets hard when i hold your hand. Look, I'm willing to take the test, but I'm not ready to take the whole treatment. How long does a handshake, when does it become holding hands? At what point? How many seconds in? Well, I mean.

How many seconds in? 30? Oh, 30. I'm thinking. Let's see what 30 is like. Ready? Go. Here's 30 like. Ready? Go. Here's 30 seconds.

Ready? Imagine this. All right. Nice to meet you, Theo. Thanks. Nice to meet you, too. Theo, where are you from? I'm from Atlanta, actually.

Oh, you were born in Atlanta? No, I just spent a lot of time there, man. Wow. Look at this. 14 seconds in. My hand is getting tired. He's still here. No, no, no.

Don't go anywhere. Okay. So what do you do? You still here. No, no, no. Don't go anywhere. Okay. So what do you do? You do comedy? No, yeah, I do some comedy. Let's keep all dance while we have a seat. Five more seconds. Yeah, man.

I'd love to stay and hang out, buddy, but. No, no, no. Don't go anywhere. 15. So that's 30 seconds. That was 30 seconds. But how much more would you get to know about somebody if you held their hand? Not much more. you get to know about somebody if you held their hand? Not much more.

I don't think. I mean, would you? Would you get to know more? Well, that's what I'm wondering. Is there some like older tradition where like if you're walking with your brother and you're holding your brother's hand, are you able to get some senses and get like a, was there ever like some kind of maybe pathology? I don't know if that's the word, but that would say, hey, you know, your brother's having a tough time or he's not telling you something. Could you read something in? Well, you do get that from hugs, right?

Like you ever have a buddy that's going through a hard time. You give him a hug and he starts crying and then you hug him harder. I'm that buddy. Yeah, that's you, bro. I just didn't want to bring your name up. Totally. I'm on the emo all-star team, baby. You know what I'm saying?

Scientists have suggested a handshake lasting more than three seconds could spell doom for a working relationship. What kind of fucking scientists are these? Scientists in Dallas, Texas. I'll tell you that. Research. Research is in Dundee.

Where the fuck is Dundee? This is in England. Found extended power grabs could even trigger anxiety. Also, men are trying to trigger anxiety by holding on your hand too long. This would also negatively impact business meetings and affect relationships. More than three seconds. Alright, let's count three seconds. Ready? Hold hands. One, two,

three. Well, let's do it, man. Let's just go ahead and do it so it seems real. I'm going to clean my hands up here. Ready? One, two, three. That feels fair. I think we're good. Yeah, we're fine. We're friends. I think we're good. Yeah, we're fine.

We're friends. Yeah, we're friends like we're quite a while. I think once you move somewhere else, you got to let go, though, because if you move anywhere. No, no, no. Let's get up. Let's stand up. Yeah, see, that's way too much action. Move over here.

See if it gets weird. At what point in time does it get odd? That's way too far. Yeah, you doing well? I'm okay. You okay? Yeah, it's starting to get a little weird. How odd is that?

But it's a strange thing. Like holding a hand can become weird, but shaking a hand is completely normal. But I wonder if one started from the, like if it, because the shaking, I just wonder where handshaking started, I guess. I think it came from sword fighting. The idea is that you're holding the right hand, which is the hand that your sword i'm pretty sure that's what it is that's also like in england while they drive on the left side of the road because you have your sword on the right hand so if someone's coming at you you want to be able to attack them with your right hand which means

you want to be on the left side of them oh wow i'm pretty sure that pretty sure that's where it came from. We need to bring back swords, dude. That's the shit that we missed. Imagine this drawing on somebody. We might be soon. Who knows? Who even knows, man? We might have to run out of bullets. If society collapses, we get hit by an asteroid, we run out of bullets.

Well, dude, I thought about this the other day. That guy who's going to be outside of the Walmarts or whatever, shaking for the quarters, you know? Yes. And we're going to have a coin shortage going on this year like that. Is there a coin shortage? We should get rid of coins. And we're going to have a coin shortage going on this year. Is there a coin shortage? We should get rid of coins. Everywhere I go, there's a coin shortage. Look at this.

The U.S. president once shared a 19-minute handshake with Shinzo Abe and held Emmanuel Macron's hand for a full 29 seconds on a visit to France in 2017. Oh, this is Trump. Trump's a bad motherfucker. He's playing my games to people. Bad news for Donald Trump, whose lengthy greetings have become notorious. 19 minutes is a long time. Wow.

He shared a 19-minute handshake. Well, that's with Shinzo Abe. That's a Japanese dude who was probably playing some samurai shit on him. That guy's in Bellator, I think. Okay, first of all, let's say that. who was probably playing some samurai shit on that guy's in Bellator. I think okay first He was probably like shirtless Little fucking samurai stare down and Trump didn't read any of the information the beginning has no idea amazing

Amazing handshake. I love your country. I love sushi. I like California rolls I like California rolls. 19 minutes is crazy. I love video games. I don't think I've fucked more than 10 times more than 19 minutes. Oh, probably twice in my life. Maybe once. The fact that this guy is sharing handshakes for 19 minutes, that is crazy. That's long, man.

That's a long time, kid. What were we talking about, handshakes? We were talking about ketamine and then... Then we went into Neil Brennan.

Neil Brennan, depression. Neil Brennan's funny. Handshakes. He's very funny. He's a great writer. He's a nice guy. Yeah.

A lot of people don't get along with him and I always wonder what that is. I've always gotten along with that dude. Yeah, I think some of me can maybe does he knows a lot and so he wants to share it sometimes maybe

hmm and if you're dumb or something you don't you don't want more information maybe or maybe you're uncomfortable with someone who's smart and has glasses on some about smart dudes with glasses I feel like they're just showing off. Yeah. Yeah, like we know. Yeah. Come on, man. You don't have to have the glasses. I get it.

You read. Yeah. Take them off and be blurry. Well, you got to look at things all perfect and crystal clear. Yeah. Come down here with the rest of it. Yeah. Come look at things blurry.

Who do you hang with in nashville you got friends out there do you know people i mean there's some i mean there's uh let me see who do i well i spent a lot of time i've been touring yeah so that's been crazy it's been keeping me busy it's like every weekend i've been out on the road that's great so that's been awesome do you have guys you bring with you yeah i bring I bring Ari Maness with me. Oh, cool. So he's, you know, he's... From the store? Yeah.

And he's all, that dude is something else, man. He is something else. And sometimes I'll just pick up random people. So... And is Zany's your home club? Yeah, but it's hard. The only nights I'll really be able to get up there is Monday night So there's not a lot of opportunity to get up and practice a lot

What is like Tuesday, Wednesday? They have just regular shows there? Yeah, they have other shows going on It's so popular It's a popular club Yeah, it's a really It's a popular club And it's nice because great comics come through town

So you get to see them Yeah That's a great club That's one of the all-time great clubs Yeah People love it And Brian Dorfin runs it And Lucy And they've they've been really sweet to me Yeah, our Gatsby lives in town so I get to see him. I love that dude. Yeah, he's great. He's funny

And that cough button that's important I didn't have the cop button the old people used to get mad but see But see, this is it, folks. When you see my left hand going there, watch. I can talk. I can talk. I can talk. I can talk. Yeah. Now I'm talking.

I'm talking. Cough button's huge. We're like professionals. Nate Bargatze, so it's you, Nate, any other comics live in town? Is the ghost of Ralphie May still hovering around? Josh Wolfe lives there. Josh Wolfe moved there? Ralphie Mae is dead. Ralphie Mae is dead.

The ghost of Ralphie Mae. The ghost of Ralphie Mae still looms. Who else? You don't see, I mean everybody's just been touring right now since things are more open. yeah, I'm trying to think of what else. Some things are interesting. You get caught up in more like small town kind of or smaller city conversations and stuff

you know yeah like I went to the like I went to this gas station the other day and the manager or something comes out and he's like hey man I'm a fan you know nice guy and he's like I just want to let you know we got fresh what do you say fresh

baked bread inside. Fresh baked pizzas. We bake everything in-house. That's my first thought. I've just been inside. There's nothing fresh in this joint. Nothing in there fresh. Nothing in there

ever even knew an animal. Or a garden. Zero percent chance, bro. This shit is so fake. It's like, I don't know. It's kind of like, anyway, so I have to sit there and just bullshit with the guy like they're baking fresh in there. So now it's like every time I go in and see him. I'm trapped.

Yes. He's like, if you ever want anything fresh, man, just let me know. We'll pull it right out the oven for you. And I'm like. Doesn't that suck when someone's real friendly, but what they're selling is bullshit? It's crazy, man, just let me know. We'll pull it right out the oven for you. And I'm like... Doesn't that suck when someone's real friendly, but what they're selling is bullshit? Oh. It's crazy, man. So now I have to pretend that I'm smelling

like pie and shit when I go... So you just get in small towns, you know, smaller cities, stuff like that. He pulls out Pop-Tarts and pretends he just made them. Yeah, totally, totally. He's just doing all of this, he's got right out of the oven he's got ratatouille on the speaker system in there it's just uh so stuff like that you know you got some crazy guys you got kid rock lives in town you got like um i hung out at kid rock's house did you really? dude let me tell you this story

I get a text from Kid Rock he says hey man hate coming to Nashville come out to my ranch farm whatever he calls it and come hang out I go fuck yeah me and Sakura took a ride

with my buddy Matt and Phil and we went out to Kid Rock's spot and Kid Rock's spot. And Kid Rock has a fucking spread. Yeah. Kid Rock has a church. He does, yeah. He has a church. With horses in it.

He owns a fucking church on his property. It's got the whole thing with the peak and the cross. And there's two horses in there. Yeah, it's turned into a stable, but it was a church. And his place is wild. Yeah. And Jimmy John and Jimmy John

from Jimmy John's subs was there oh yeah Jimmy John's Jimmy John's a buddy of mine man he came on my podcast great guy here's where it gets nuts Kid Rock has built a White House yeah do you know this yeah I've seen it have you been there the person it's like yeah It is an actual White House. Listen to me, ladies and gentlemen. You know. Listen to me. It's 27,000 square feet, two bedrooms, and not even crazy big bedrooms, just regular bedrooms. The rest of the house is party. It is the most wild, rock star, hillillies type shit. It's when you give a hillbilly when you give a real a real redneck and you give them

Fucking insane amounts of money. They build something like this. Yeah. Oh you can get neutered in that bitch in one area It was so crazy like we were walking around that it just kept getting crazier and crazier It is crazy to go see that place up on that hill. Yeah, He's got a 20-person jacuzzi that looks like an abandoned mine. So it's like all stone walls with exposed wooden beams and gas lanterns that are hanging from the ceiling. He spares no expense. Real carbon monoxide, too, pumping into the water, I bet. He built a golden shower. The shower is all gold.

He built a golden shower. Yeah. Like the shower is all gold. It's a giant shower room that's got these like sparkly gold tiles. I didn't see that yet. The wildest tiles. It's crazy. I got to go look and see. It makes, it's next level shit.

Like when I walked out of there, I was like, I got to build a house. Yeah. I got to build a house that represents me. Because all the houses that I've ever had, they were like, they were nice houses. They're for sale. I bought a house. This is like he's building this shit. Yeah.

And while it's being built, he lives in a trailer, which is hilarious. Yeah, I've shot Skeet off the back of his trailer before. That's hilarious. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, yeah. He'd been, yeah. Bob, that's his real name, but Kid Rock. Yeah, he's always, sometimes we'll go down to his pub and stuff if he's doing something fun. He's always doing some fun stuff, so he'll invite you out. Yeah, Bob, that's his real name, but Kid Rock, yeah, he's always, sometimes we'll go down to his pub and stuff if he's doing something fun.

He's always doing some fun stuff, so he'll invite you out. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy John is a, you know, he's become like a confidant. Does Jimmy John live there? Does he live in Nashville as well? He does. So he's like, he's a neat guy. He's a really neat guy, and he loves big game hunting and stuff like you do.

Yeah. So I'm sure you guys know some of that yeah we were talking about hunting a lot um but his whole spread is so crazy yeah when you get out to kid rock's place it's something else um it's pretty funny but things like that are interesting yeah it's like what you would expect from a rock star yeah like what you would hope a rock star would do like if you were a kid rock fan like I hope kid rock lives Like a baller well he does Yeah, that's one thing he yeah like he lives it to the nth degree man. Yeah, he goes all out

He's a real fucking dirt serpent That's what David's page all them all the time. That's funny. And that's pretty funny. That's funny, because David Spade, when he played Joe Dirt, is basically playing a miniature version of Kid Rock with no talent. And Kid Rock was in that movie. Oh, that's right. But Joe Dirt is like Kid Rock, and Kid Rock wasn't a rock star. Oh, yeah.

Right? Yeah, dude. But tiny. Dude, I thought that thing was a documentary. When I first saw Joe Dirt, I remember, I didn't even know, like, you know, between documentaries and movies. And I remember thinking,

damn, his parents left him at the Grand Canyon, dude. And I thought, I was jealous. I was like, damn, dude, to get to go to the Grand Canyon, you know? Have you never been? Uh-uh. Wow, well, you gotta go, man. I would like to go.

It's not that big of a deal. I'll go one time, maybe when I get a wife or something. Yeah, wait till then Something you to save for life. I'm ready for wife. I think yeah. Yeah get yourself a Nashville wife Yeah, I gotta get something man. I gotta get I Got a I'm trying to stay I gotta get better at being in like in a committed. Yeah get get one of them, Tennessee girls Got sweet accent with that risky biscuit on committed. Yeah, get one of them Tennessee girls. Got a sweet accent. With that risky biscuit on them.

Yeah. Likes to cook. Yeah. Wears cut off jeans. Yeah. Cowboy boots with no socks. Cut off bras. Woo.

Woo. Cut off genetics, you mean. Is that what you're talking about? Definitely. Yeah, we got fresh bakedbaked pizzas every day here. I'm like, bitch, you have fucking. Bro, you say that, but it's worth the risk because what if you went in there and they had amazing bread? Yeah.

Like, there's a gas station that I found out here that sells tacos, and they're fucking bomb. They're really good. Like, I read a review, and I was like, where is this fucking place? And I followed it on the maps, and I got to a gas station. I'm like, I think it's in the gas station. This is crazy. And I went in the gas station, and they serve tacos. And they're legit.

They got a grill back there. There's a dude actually making them. Yeah. Okay. This smells. I'm smelling this still. Let me get another hit. You want another one?

Yeah, sorry. You're so gangster. Yeah, buddy. That's how we do it. sorry. You're so gangster. Yeah, buddy. That's how we do it. Go ahead. One, two, three, go. I got to join you. Yeah, my man.

I can't be a pussy. My man. Here we go. You know I love you. Okay, what did that guy say to you? Yeah, he said I love you, and you can't have love without sex. That's what he said. Oh, yeah.

I'll never forget that. I was like, oh, great. I got to stab this dude. Oh, damn, dude. I mean, Nashville's amazing. And also things that are close, like I went to Chattanooga the other day and did shows. To drive over, here's one thing I'm finding amazing driving to shows yeah oh i can sleep on the way like we're getting a tour bus for the first time coming up shit i've never done

that i don't know if i like it or not call burt burt's the master of knowing oh yeah he's the tour bus master he is he gets his face on the bus he didn't even give a fucking people No, it's his bus He doesn't even hide His face is all over his bus. Yeah, he goes hard he does yeah But I'm like how does he not worry about being stalked by crazy people like how many crazy drunks want to chase after Bert? An alcoholic driver hitting him that would be my biggest. Yeah, that's how they'd want to go out, right? Yeah, if you were hammered and you found they'd want to go out, right? Yeah. If you were hammered and you found Bert's tour bus, you're like, oh, this is it.

I'm changing lanes. Bang. Head on. The machine. Yeah, yeah. It could happen, man. That's probably how it's going to happen. He's got a movie coming out.

I know. Bert Crusher is gonna be Gigantic Have you seen that video Of him in Tallahassee On stage Where he got the whole audience To put their phones up And he was like

Having them cheer Like fucking Viking shit I don't know if I've seen Any of that It's wild man Burt is blowing The fuck up He is on stage

And there's thousands Of people in this audience With the lights From their cell phone And they're chanting some kind of Tallahassee cheer Yeah That they only know down there When they wear flip flops all day

And it's wild man With those sunburned toe tops Yeah man It's crazy Yeah he's really beloved Oh my god So much so Look at this

And what is that, a rib cage? What does he have? It's like an arrow. Oh. It's a really dumb arrow because there's too many feathers on it. It's an arrow from someone who's never killed anything with an arrow. Look at this. Play that.

But look how many people are doing this. There's thousands of people in there. That's comedy, man. people are doing this. There's thousands of people in there. That's comedy, man. People are hyped up. And his shoes match that arrow. That's cool. He's the tour bus master. He does tours.

Burt's, his schedule, if you look at his. It scares me. I don't know how he does it and not die. That's what scares me. I don't know if I could handle it. Maybe it's weak of me saying that. I think it's crazy. I mean, I don't think it's sustainable.

Did you feel scared? Like sometimes I felt scared like about moving, not being in Los Angeles like that. I would like things would fall apart, you know. Did you ever feel like that or have fear about that? No. No, I looked forward to it. I was look I was pumped to move here. I like risks I got this weird part of me that likes when The unknown is happening. I enjoy it

I get excited because I feel like I could like if you're successful and things are going too Well, you could get very stagnant, and you can get comfortable being successful. So I like to do dangerous shit. I like to do new things. When I do new things that I suck at and then you have to learn, I think it excites a part of your brain that doesn't exist otherwise. Like for me, to go to a new market, like a new place like Austin, where I've been coming since the 90s.

I've been coming here forever, and I love this town. I've always loved it. It was like out of the places that I thought I could live, is one of them but when my family was interested in it when my children really wanted to move here and my wife was willing i'm like we're in let's go i'm like i had no hesitation whatsoever i'm like i could do comedy anywhere and i'm like the podcast had gotten big enough yeah i'm like i am pretty sure I could do the podcast anywhere anywhere I don't think I have a problem with getting people to come to it because it's beneficial to them Oh, yeah, I was excited to come I was excited to have you but I'm like if I could just fly people out

I don't think because I was flying people out to LA all the time like all those doctors and scientists and and and Scholars that I was talking to on the podcast. I fly them out I flew people out two three times a week sometimes Wow, so I was like to on the podcast, I'd fly them out. I flew people out two, three times a week sometimes. Wow. So I was like, I'll just fly them to Austin. It's in the center, you know? So if you're coming from New York, it's a quicker flight. If you're coming from LA, it's not that bad.

It's like, and if you're traveling two places, it's much more convenient. But the thing that gets me when I got here, like right away, I was like, people are so much more friendly oh yeah they're regular people and it made me more friendly it made me more relaxed it's like we were dealing with that crazy showbiz manic energy in la oh yeah i think it burnt me up it may yeah oh my neighbor in nashville he's like he coaches soccer at lipscomb you know at a at a

college and he's like the the other day a snake uh bobby lee sent me a snake in there which is Oh, my neighbor in Nashville, he coaches soccer at Lipscomb, you know, at a college. And he's like, the other day, a snake, Bobby Lee sent me a snake in the mail, which I feel like is illegal. Was it alive? A living snake that came out of a box into my home. Why did he do that? Like as a prank, you know. Fucking Bobby. It was a lot, but, you know, game on.

What are you sending him now? But my neighbor then comes over to help me. People are like wanting that, help me like people are like wanting that you know people are like nice and like it's just funny like um i've felt super accepted over there um like i get to meet some of my favorite like i like a lot of country music you know like morgan wall and blake shelton like those are guys i've gotten to meet you know just cool some stuff like that you get to meet like just people you never thought like Clay Matthews lives there. He plays football. I don't know. This is all types of people. You just I don't know.

It's just been interesting. And just everybody there is so nice. They're like, yeah, to have you like, hey, what's up, man? I'm glad you're here. Yeah. You're glad I'm somewhere like I've never felt like that in my life. Thank you. That's what's been happening to me out here too, the same vibe. And it's just they're regular people. I think as comedians, we are connected to aspects of show business that are not good for comedy. Like if you're a comedian and you're trying to get on a sitcom, in the 1990s, in the 1990s, that was, it was important. You needed to get on a sitcom if you wanted to have, like, a touring, if you wanted to be able to have a touring presence. If you're on a sitcom, everybody's like, oh, there's that guy from that show.

And they come to see you. But now with the internet, I think that is not necessary anymore. And in fact fact it gets in the way because these guys that do want to be on those shows they'll change their act and because they're worried about saying something controversial or something that might be taken out of context or misconstrued comedy is about you got to express yourself in the funniest way possible and you and me and all those guys that were at the store when we were at the store all the time we're we're saying wild shit and we're saying wild shit to make each other laugh like i specifically remember you saying

something really wild and me laughing in the back of the room and then you laughing at us laughing oh yeah you know it's like that's so much fun it's so much fun but all that stops if there's a producer in the audience that's like what he's saying is very controversial his cousin got bit by a gay guy like what is that supposed to mean right like we can't have that you know like that kind of thing where you might want to take that bit out of your act or you might want to tone this thing down or you might want a virtue signal you might want to you won't you might want to say something about like you know how these non-binary people are people too like and these people that don't support that well don't come to my show you might want to take a stand so those producers listen

to you like we see that with comedians you see that with some comedians that get like deeply embedded in in the hollywood community of business joe the other day a girl did a did a set up my a show she was on the same show as me right it was it was my show you know or and she'd come she was on the show as a comedian right so we're on the same show and the show was it was pretty diverse audience when i looked out there's like a lot of female a lot of latinos you know uh viva la me, you know, a lot of Mexicanos, you know, and some whites out there. And so she comes backstage after and she goes, I just want to say you're really doing your job. You have a very diverse audience.

You're really doing your job. And that shit fucking, I was like, what? I don't care who i mean i care who comes that they're good people and they're they want to have a good time but i don't i can't pick each type of what are you what is even happening it's the dumbest thing to think about like i i just want people to have fun yeah if i if i go out there and i see everyone's black and they're having a great time great yeah i go out and see everybody's black and they're having a great time, great. Yeah.

If I go out and I see everybody's white and they're having a good time, it doesn't bother me. Like, where's the Asian representation? I don't think that. I never look out in the audience and look for Asian people. It's like nonsense. We're getting to this point where we're trying so hard to show people that we're not racist that we're thinking in a sort of a racist way, you know? Oh, yeah, I think, well, it was interesting. Even after, like, some of the BLM stuff,

some of it turned into, like, this black supremacy thing, I felt like, sometimes. And that made me feel sometimes like it was making more racial issue in the world than it was. Well, I think it has to settle down. But that's just my perception. I think what happens is, like, look look clearly this country is a fucking horrible racist history of slavery of Jim Crow laws of segregation and redlining and We moved out of that we tried like there's the civil rights

Movement of the 1960s and then through the 70s and the 80s and everything is like slowly getting better but there's waves right there's the charlottesville tiki torch douchebags and then there's people that you know they they push back this way and that way and it's like waves of things that need to settle but the way they settle is with love and friendship and community. This is the way they settle. We all just realize, I love everyone. I love people that are interesting. I don't give a fuck where they're from. I do in that it's interesting to hear where you're from.

You're from India. You're from Bangladesh. You're from Myanmar. Tell me. Wyoming even. Wyoming, fuck yeah. I'm interested in people. I don't like one group of people better than I like another group of people,

especially based on something that they, I do like comedians more than most people because they're wilder, but I don't like them if they're brown or yellow or white. I don't give a fuck. So what's interesting to me is who are you? I think eventually we'll get to that place as as a society Where all we care about is what Martin Luther King said don't judge a man by the color of his skin

But by the content of his character Yeah That's what we're gonna get to there when we're we're gonna battle it back and you're gonna have Grifters along the way and this is the problem. This is what you see in that Colin Kaepernick Netflix special This is what you see in some of the people that are complaining online. They're grifters. And what their business is is racial tension. Their business is accentuating racial tension, highlighting racial tension, highlighting

racial biases and distorting them. And then they make a living off of that. That's how they sell books. That's how they do... That's crazy to me. It is crazy. That's how they do speeches, and they get paid to speak at universities and corporations.

And there's an incentive for them to continue accentuating the strife in this country. But why do people grasp onto that and not try and see a different thing? I mean, it's also... I only know my own perspective, but why do people grasp onto that and not try and see a different thing? I mean, it's also this is only know my own perspective. But why do people not like why do people still grasp onto that? If you're a person who's gotten a tremendous amount of attention and social media attention by accentuating racial differences and talking about them and highlighting them, then that becomes your go-to move. Just like some comics have a fucking thing that they do all the time. You might be a redneck, right? That becomes your move.

You got to keep doing that, right? There's a thing that people do when it gets a lot of attention. Like Colin Kaepernick. What's the thing that's got him a lot of attention and it like Colin Kaepernick. What's the thing that's got him a lot of attention? Highlighting racism. Yeah. So now he takes it so far that it's ludicrous. Right.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. It takes it so far that a guy who's made 43 million dollars in this fucking business of, you know, of pursuing this athletic glory is complaining and saying that that athletic glory is akin to saying that that athletic glory is akin to slavery yeah doing slavery is way tougher too than any of these two-a-days that's crazy I'm saying if you look at that kind of stuff those guys are

banging hoes and driving rolls oh they're driving fucking Bentleys yeah I could barely even make it through Amistad you know I'm saying I could watch Hard Knocks eat much easier Joey Diaz was in the longest yard was he really? I bet it was a fucking hella long yard if he was blunting up there in it I bet it took a half hour to get through it man. I miss him dude. That's one thing. I think I miss man I miss him dearly. There's one thing I think I was like it's so different you go to the comedy store Yeah, it's just so different man. A friend of mine I don't want to say who it was, went back there and said it was terrible.

They said the lineup sucked, no one was there. Will it ever be the same, you think? No. Not if they keep telling everyone they have to be vaccinated. Yeah. And, you know,

even comics that have already had COVID and gotten over it and have the antibodies like you, you've got to be vaccinated? Like, why? Well, they emailed Jeff Scott, the dead pianist, and made him,

wanted him to send in a vax card. I'm like, come on, give this guy a fucking break. Poor Jeff. He's a big part of why the story will never be the same. Yeah. That guy was, like, as far as, like, non-comedians, obviously number one was Mitchie. When Mitchie was gone, it was like, God damn.

Was it really? You remember that? Oh, it was so hard for me. It was like the feeling that Mitchie was gone was gone like I can't believe she's gone. I knew she was dying But she was so important. Oh when she died I'm thinking more when she actually physically kind of left the premises well She left the premises long before she died and it was kind of that like prepared people for her death But out of all the people that have ever lived

yeah that are important for comedy she's the most important ever that's not a comedian she is number one without her i would never never have gotten through comedy i would never i would never have been who i am wow that would be the case with most of the comedians that came out of the store she was the she was the godmother She was the godmother. She was the fucking queen. That lady was, you know, she was a wild woman, man, who just supported comedy hook, line, and sinker. When someone would, like, do something crazy on stage and Mitzi would get a letter, like, about that,

like a complaint, she would laugh, like, ah, listen to this this she thought it was so funny she never caved like all this social media pressure that wouldn't have done shit to mitzi wow that lady was bulletproof she didn't give a fuck she knew what she wanted what she wanted was wild comedy that lady uh supported wild comedy if people didn't like each other, she put them on next to each other, back to back. Make them bring each other up. Yeah, let's go! Put Keith Peterson in between them.

Yeah. She wanted chaos. That lady loved chaos. She was amazing. She was a once in a lifetime human being. Wow. Yeah, I wish I'd have gotten to probably know her better. Really? Forever in her debt.

That's cool to hear, man. Forever. Yeah, I think we all are in a lot of ways. When I think about, man, dude, sometimes it's like I just think about the lineup. I would look at the lineup and it would be like you, Seguro, Whitney, Coco. When Diaz's music starts up. Neil Brennan. Jesselneck.

It was like one after the other. Diaz in a jumpsuit walking up there. He's music starts up. Neil Brennan. Jesselnick. It was like one after the other. Diaz is in a jumpsuit walking up there. He's all fucking. Yeah. Yeah. God. Did she used to call him Fat Baby? Do you know that?

Yeah, Joey's name. Mitzi would give people names. Does Joey mean Fat Baby in Spanish or not in Spanish? No, no, no, no, no. She just decided to call him Fat Baby. So Joey's name, when he would go on stage, like you would see on the lineup, you know, like you'd see like Theo Vaughn, Fat Baby. It would just...

That was his name was Fat Baby. That was a good nickname. She just decided, I'm going to call him Fat Baby. She just called him... It was amazing And it would say that on the lineup It would say Fat Baby I'd love to see him snuggled up Snuggled up somewhere with a big salamone sandwich

She loved him I bet he was a handsome little baby too He was a cute kid There's photos of Joey when he was really young dancing Oh could you imagine? You never seen? Nuh-uh. Look at this fucking lineup. Fat Baby right there. See it? There he is. Look at that.

Look at that lineup. Pauly Shore, Shay Mitosh, Sam Tripoli, Kirk Fox, baby, Trip, Brett Ernst, Maz Jabrani, Kirk Fox, Brian Holtzman, and then Fat Baby bringing in the Kinnison spot. Let's go. Argus Hamilton.

God damn. Oh. Rick Ingram. Look, Rick Ingram used to be Richard. Ooh. 2003, he was Richard Ingram. He wasn't even Rick. Didn't have time for it.

Wow, that is wild. Driving the shard. Fat Baby. Brian Holtzman. So there was a, for Jeff Scott, there was a memorial on Zoom, right? And so it was a for Jeff Scott there was a memorial on Zoom right and so it was like 70 or 80 people

on the memorial right and uh and you know Holtzman's outlandish he says like he's like the last like most outlandish

voice there is really a lot of times and so we're all in this memorial people are saying like sad stuff people are sharing just going around

and uh someone when anytime someone was to kind of start kind of crying when they were telling their story holson would chime in and it would be like he had aids bro he had aids and the whole place would die laughing, bro. Do you know? He was a homosexual. He had AIDS.

I mean, bro, even Jeff Scott's sister on there, everybody is dying. And it was like, and Jeff was open about that. I'm not trying to out him or anything. And he would tell you this story. Well, he had HIV, but he had taken that medication and he was testing negative. Those protease inhibitors, the medication they have for HIV is amazing. Oh, you can beat everything now. Now, well, HIV for sure.

But that was like, dude, I just, that was common to me when it was like, it was just this safe space. We're all there. Yeah. And you could say whatever you want. But you knew that he was saying it for fun and that we would know it and we would understand it. So it was a seriously risky thing to say. Yeah. If you looked at it in quotes in a newspaper article, it would be horrific.

Yeah. But in the moment, it was magic, right? Oh, it was totally magic. It was perfect. I'll never forget when, do you remember Susan Smith, the lady who drowned her kids? She drowned her kids and she blamed it on someone else. She said someone took her kids and killed them. Joey Diaz was on stage like a week later. I heard those were bad kids.

I heard they sat that close to the TV. They didn't put away their blocks. They were always spilling their fucking milk. Those kids will not be missed. Those kids will not be missed. Those kids will not be missed. And you can see the people in the OR just going, what the fuck? After 9-11, Mitzi would not let Holtzman on stage for two weeks. Because she knew it could get weird.

No, don't let him up. She knew he wouldn't be able to help himself. He would say something fucked up, so she didn't give him any spots for like two weeks. Don't let him up. Dude, I miss going in the back and seeing Joey sitting on that freezer. You and Red Van over by that post over there talking. Some crazy UFC fighter was going to come in that night, and red van over by that post over there talking some crazy ufc fighter was gonna come in that night and everybody was all excited i remember when al germain sterling came

in one night and people were so excited to see him um i just remember all it was just there was so many little things going on it was just magic well i'm we want to recreate that here want to make our own version of that. Yeah. I bought a club. That's what I heard. I'll tell you everything when we get off. I'll end this, and I'll tell you everything. But it's very exciting. We've closed on a building.

We're in the middle of construction. Everything's happening. Got Adam out here. Curtis is out here. Oh, he got him eating him in a little bit. Eric. You got Eric here? Yeah, we got Eric.

Yes! Eric came to help us. Yeah, we got... it's awesome, man. We're very excited, and we got a lot of things happening here. The ball's rolling in the perfect direction. And the goal for the clubs is to do it the right way. Just have, like, a place that 100% supports comedy. Yeah.

Not think about it like some business where we're trying to, like, make the most amount of money off the customers. Uh-uh. It's just about comedy. Because I make my money from other stuff. I'm not trying to make money off that. I'm not thinking of it as a business where I'm trying to get rich. I'm thinking of it as a thing where I'm trying to support this art form that I love.

And then hopefully get as many people to move out here as I can. Gang, man. Yo. Well. Theo Vaughn, fuck Nashville. Keep me. Look, hey. Come on, man. you're one of my fucking all-stars you're one of my goals to get here well thank you man it would be look i'm honored to be a part of

the uh of the group so uh listen we'd love to have you let's do it once once we're up and running i will send the bad signal if you want to buy the house i bought then that would help if you want to sell it i'll sell it i'll buy it now we're talking all right now we're talking all right let's wrap this bitch up because i gotta pee okay i love you man i love you too man i got the new netflix special a lot of people can check it out that's right and tell everybody what's the name of it it's just called regular people it's on netflix and um how many netflix specials do you have right now i got two two and the first time i was ever on here was when I had my first one

so thank you for having me back on. My pleasure. And yeah we filmed it at the Ryman in Nashville man. Oh that's a great fucking place. Oh that's beautiful.

That place is that's Bill Burr filmed one of his specials there too. Yeah he did. The Ryman's the shit. That's a great place. Thank you very much.

My pleasure brother. Thanks Jamie. Bye everybody. that's a great place thank you very much my pleasure brothers thanks Jamie bye everybody