The Joe Rogan Experience - #1750 - Ari Shaffir & Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Ari Shaffir is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His most recent special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Tony Hinchcliffe is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor. He's also the co-host, along with Brian Redban, of the podcast and live YouTube show Kill Tony.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. That is the digital art of an NFT. What it is, is this guy Beeple. Do you know who Beeple is? No. Beeple is the king of the NFTs. He's a digital artist, and he was on the podcast,

and he does a piece of digital art every single day and he has for 12 years. You never seen his stuff? Oh my god. It's incredible. But it's that kind of absurdist stuff. That's a giant Elon Musk with a doji coin. Is that the guy that does the cool thing that had

Hillary Clinton's head on a moving robot? Yes. Oh yeah. I love that stuff. Yes. That's him. All of his stuff is real Oh, yeah. I love that stuff. Yes, that's him. All of his stuff is real absurd and wild. Yeah, it's awesome stuff. And that's Beeple. That's all of his stuff. That's cool.

Is that a Burning Man thing? Bottom right? Or that's digital art? Yeah. Yes. No, it's not Burning Man. Damn, interesting. Yeah, he does all these very strange, but it's really funny.

People try to find the hidden meaning. Well, what he's trying to say is, he goes, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Dude, I love when an artist has to try to sell their work people like try to find the hidden meaning well what he's trying to say he goes I don't know what the fuck I'm saying dude I love when an artist has to try to sell their work and they try to make it up but it's like the reality is

I like flowers well he's he's not interested look at that one the missile the big cock love it he doesn't

none of his he's not he's the most unpretentious guy ever he's not pretentious at all this is the first weed I've smoked in over a week this is tobacco

we're in Texas you son of a bitch Really strong tobacco How come you're not smoking weed? I was in Santa Domingo, I was in Dominican Republic Oh that's right Cheers gentlemen Cheers, it's a long life

And fortitude Good times Hurrah. Cheers, gentlemen. Yeah. Cheers. It's a long life. And fortitude. Boners. Good times. That's good shit, right? Yeah. That's old stuff. That's good scotch.

It's interesting. I think I prefer American whiskey. I prefer Buffalo Trey style whiskey. But that's still good. It's interesting. It's a different flavor. Is this Speyside? I don't know. Highland. Interesting. I just had Jeff go out and Speyside? I don't know. Highland.

Interesting. I just had Jeff go out and get some old... I like the PD kind, too. Really? Yeah, that's my favorite. Next time I'm here, I'm bringing you some. What's the best stuff? What's the best PD kind?

My favorite? Yeah. Kaulaila. Kaul... Ooh. Some Scottish shit? Yeah, it's like Kolaila, but yeah. Kaulaila, it's my favorite. I love it.

You don't find it everywhere. The 10 or the 12, I forget. Oh, 12. I'll bring you some next time. You know who makes a damn good whiskey? Josh Barnett. Josh Barnett has his own War Master whiskey. It's fucking good.

Josh Barnett is a genius. He's a very intelligent guy, and he's a connoisseur of great things. He's really into things. And if he does something, he's going to do it the right the right way like 100 it never doesn't do a bullshit thing and he's got this war master whiskey i think it's like i forget the brand he's working with war bringer war bringer and his is called the war master and i'm telling you it's fucking good i wish i had the bottle here i mean he gave it to me and i tried it i was like whoa i go whoa. I go, dude, this is some fucking great whiskey. I love these promos. Like he's

in there in the factory fucking lugging bags every day. No, no, no, no, no. You don't know. He does. He goes down there. Really? Yeah, he goes down there. Look, he's involved in every step of the way. Why did he stab that barrel? Because he's an animal. He's Josh Barnett. What? He's the youngest ever UFC

heavyweight champion. The youngest ever. No one has beat his record. He won the UFC heavyweight champion. The youngest ever. No one has beat his record. He won the UFC heavyweight title. I think he was 24 years old. Wow. Josh Barnett. And then he left, right? Well, he went on to do a bunch of other organizations.

And then came back eventually? And he came back to the UFC eventually. Josh Barnett's a fucking renaissance man. He made a special appearance on the pro wrestling event That we did at the comedy store Oh really? He smacked the hell out of Johnny Skortis' chest Oh no

Chop That is not what you want You could have heard it from fucking La Cienega Did Skortis sell it? Oh he sold it so good He did a few steps like he was fine And then he just like died So good I love Josh Barnett He's so interesting Did a few steps like he was fine, and then he just died.

So good. I love Josh Barnett. He's so interesting. And he's a great example of someone that I could say, if someone had these preconceived notions about what a cage fighter's like, and you think they're all brutes and they're all dumb people, sit down with Josh Barnett. He's a world-class cage fighter, has been for many, many years. He's

an elite, high level grappler and he's a brilliant guy. Class act, gets it, doesn't seem like he's brain damaged. It's amazing when someone surprises you. Like, there's plenty of meatheads, but there's also like some interesting ones. Oh, there's a lot of them. There's a lot of them. It's a hard thing to do, man.

You know, it's a hard thing to do to be able to do that for a living. I talked to Keith Jardine. First time I talked to Keith Jardine. He looked scary. Totally scary. One guy, this weird fucking thing. Fucked up ears.

Yeah. And it was like, excuse me. It was new to the UFC, like first or second or third one. And so I thought I was in the way constantly. Excuse me. And then I moved. He's like, no, excuse me. And he's looking at me.

He's like, what? He goes, I heard you like J.D. Salinger. I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm he's looking at me. He's like, what? He goes, I heard you like J.D. Salinger. I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm just reading this now. It's quite good. I'm like, what? That's awesome. Yeah.

He's one of the owners of K-Man Coffee. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Him and Tate. And there's another woman as well. Oh, God. I forget her name. I'm breaking bad.

What's that? Lacey. That's right, Lacey. And they have the best cold brew. Their cold brew is the shit. You ever have their cold brew? Nitro. Yeah.

It's good stuff. But Keith's super smart. There's a lot of those guys, man. A lot of fucking smart people in the UFC. It's shocking because it's such a crazy thing. I mean, you're putting your brain in danger. But a lot of the people that excel at it. Carlos Condit, very smart guy. Very smart guy.

Did he run for governor? No, his dad was a governor or something like that. Maybe that's it. That was a mayor or a governor? He was some politician. What was he? He wasn't the one who had the chick disappear and then got... I don't think so. Let's not even spread that rumor. No, who was that though? Which one was that?

There was some chick disappeared and his staff just just disappeared they were all sort of investigating him until some other story came up and just buried oh any memory i know what you're talking about this is 9-11 this was 9-11 let this guy go the guy's name was gary condit that's right ah and there was a girl that he was apparently having an affair with or supposedly having an affair with. Living his life. And she got murdered in a park. Yeah. Like right after the affair was exposed. And then 9-11 happened.

And so because 9-11 happened, everybody sort of forgot about it. Because it was so crazy. That's right. Chandra Levy. Oh, Chandra Levy. She would have been like the next Lewinsky. It's those things like,

the thing is about Washington, D.C., you have to think, there are real murders there. That is an absolutely dangerous city. Would you not? Oh, you're talking about actual murders. Imagine, though, if it wasn't the case, if he didn't have her whacked, if he just had an affair with her and the affair got exposed and then she just randomly got murdered. He's like, oh, no, they're going to think that's me. A hundred percent. I'm not saying that that's the case. I'm just saying, could you imagine if that did happen?

Yeah, because like that's always the wonder. Like when something coincidentally happens, that's always the wonder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that was it a coincidence? Was it a murder? Hillary Clinton says coincidence we were just we were just watching this we're rather reading this statistic the other day about how many women listen to those true crime shows they're like 73% women or something they love it they love it

crazy I heard something that it's making women a little bit like fearful of doing things in the world because they're constantly, anyone who's walking behind them now because of those are like, shit, shit, that guy's up to something. Right. And they can't just like be anymore. Right. You got to get off those chicks. Well, I think that people are getting influenced by anything that gives them anxiety, whether it's anxiety about serial killers where anxiety about diseases or war with russia or war with china or like we're just we're all ramped up on all sides everyone is freaking out and for what for shit you can't control almost always doesn't concern you and you're just feeling fear over nothing it's interesting right because it's

always been the way people have operated. They always get together in a patch of land and they choose a leader. And then they fuck everybody else. This is it. This is us. This patch. We are the fucking shit.

Patch 72. It's kind of funny, man. It's like what everyone would really be afraid of is if all of the people woke up and said, hey, we don't even really need a government if we just stop invading each other and we equally distribute all of the natural resources if we just if we instead of hoarding it we treated us as one community one community the community is planet Earth so people need

food in Africa that's our community if people need gas in argentina that's our community and we all work together yeah and there's no there's no presidents why won't that happen well because people always want to take over dude even if the poor people here if you're like yeah we should everyone split it up evenly like that means with the whole world even the poor people here would be like oh no let's not do that it's so we're so funny the way we like have narratives from movies and from fiction, and we try to shoehorn them into real life. And one of them is politicians aren't corrupt,

and politicians are looking out for your best interest. No way. If you see that in a movie, you're like, oh, that makes sense. So in real life, if I say to you, do you think that some politicians are corrupt? And you're like, yeah, definitely. Do you think that politics in general is kind of tainted by influence and money? Be like, oh yeah, yeah, fuck yeah, for sure.

And you go, okay, was that happening right now? No, I think right now it's doing a real good job. It's every other five year period. I don't think this guy's ties to the pharmaceutical companies are a big problem at all. They've been talking about it for 200 years. The fucking government's always ripping people off. And suddenly now, you're right.

They were like, no, not these people. Did you see Nancy Pelosi defend insider trading? I was just about to ask you. What did she say? I don't know, guys. I'm doing great at it. You guys should try it. A bunch of people were freaking out about it.

I think it was Crystal and Sagar were doing it. I didn't watch it, but I did see the headline that she apparently- Oh, it's incredible. You have to watch it. She's just bypassing all the laws to make hella cash. She looks so guilty. It's like when they tell Robert Durst that they know that he did it, and he starts burping and shit.

Just deflect. Think about how much money she's worth. She makes like how much a year? How much does she make a year? She just funnels it to her husband and be like, no, he made the money, not me technically. How much money does she make a year she just funnels into her husband like no he made the money not me technically well how much money does she make a year from being a congresswoman or overall okay stuff she's getting now or stuff she's putting away somewhere where no one can see it she's the speaker of the house right oh you mean salary probably like a two hundred thousand dollar

job right she's a big wig six hundred thousand just on speaker of the house money you're saying no it can't be no i don't think it's that money. Fauci's the highest paid government employee. $223,000. $223,000. $223,000. And Fauci is slightly less than a half a million dollars. Wow. Jesus.

Yeah, so they've got to make their money on the side. But Fauci's like the highest paid government employee. I think Fauci might even be- The highest? More than the president? No, I think the president makes a little more than that. Presidents make $400,000. They've got to start paying them more.

They get better people. Yeah. Make it like a $10 million job. They make their money when they get out. Cuban might do it. Yeah. But it is, it's like an investment. If you get out, you will have money for speaking engagements.

Yeah. With all the companies that you helped, all the companies that you like, hey, I like you. I like you. Let's hang out. Let's party. They're like, hey, Mike, Mike, the former president, we'd love to have you come speak at our conference and we're willing to pay you a half a million dollars. So this is like weird bribes.

Yeah. But I'm in office right now. It's right after you get out. It's not that. It's kind of genius. It's a genius con game. What it is, is like a virus finds its way through the system. And they never tell on each other.

They're left and the right side. Just like, no, no, we're all in that game. What it is, is like a virus finds its way through the system. And they never tell on each other. They're left and the right side. Just like, no, no, we're all in that game. Yeah, that's the game of making big money after you quit. And then you can also sell books. If you're a president and you write a book, that book is selling. For sure. Do you remember when the UFC paid 8 and 8? They paid $8,000 to lose a fight

and another 8 to win. I think there's still times, like what is the entry level fight pay? It can't still be eight and eight. It might be ten and ten. Regardless. These are like beginning fighters. Do you remember when that happened?

What did the fighters then do? Did they accept just that salary? Right. Or they went out and got it another way. That's what the fucking Congress is doing. They're just getting paid. Well, sort of. Except the Congress people in doing that, they're playing a're getting paid well sort of except the congress

people and doing that they're they're playing a game that's illegal to play if you're not like if if you know specific that's how they put martha stewart away isn't it wasn't it insider trading yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so what is insider trading it's like you know something and because you know something you can't make a move on the market because you have inside information? Is that exactly what it is? Dude, I told everybody, yes, that's exactly right. Because you're on the know,

so of course you would buy all the stocks and rig the system. Is that the most tempting, like, illegal thing to do ever? Yeah. Dude, I said on my podcast. If you fucking know something's about to happen, let's hear what she says.

She looks like a vampire. Yeah. She's always looked that way, too. What is the question? Hold on. I can't hear the question. I'll go back. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Congress and 182 senior congressional staffers have violated the stock act, the insider trading law. I'm wondering if you have any reaction to that. And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks? No, to the second one. Pause, pause, pause, pause.

Hold on. You can tell when she goes to a drink, she's like, oh, I'm going to be talking for a while. Right now, I knew this was going to come up. Let's sip a water from a professional speaker who's definitely hydrated enough for the day. She starts shaking. It's like right there, like, oh boy. Okay. Let me hear this. Give me some volume. Okay, that's as loud as I can get. Okay, go ahead.

And the teeth lick. And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving Congress? No, I don't know to the second one. What? We have I don't know to the second one. What? We have a responsibility to report on the stock,

but I'm not familiar with that five-month review, but if people aren't reporting, they should be. Because this is a free market and people, we are a free market economy, They should be able to participate in that She's telling why her husband should be able to invest in stuff that she knows about have you ever seen a person look more nervous?

Yeah, it was the long sip the gulp right afterwards and the immediate shake go back to like minute like second ten You as soon as he starts she also licks her teeth before taking the step. Okay, let me see this. I'm wondering if you have any reaction to that. And secondly, should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving in Congress? No, I don't know to the second one. We have a responsibility to report on the stock, but

I'm not familiar with that five-month review, but if people aren't reporting, they should be. Look at her eyes. This is a free market, and people we are a free market economy. They should be able to participate

in that. She already thinks what she's doing is completely right. She's like, no, we're making, this is how we make cash. I don't think so, man. No way, we're doing it. I think that's why she gave such a simplistic answer. She's giving this very simplistic, almost vague answer. Because should you be allowed to participate in the stock market when you're influencing the direction of the stock, or when you know which direction something's going to go in the stock market when you're influencing the direction of the stock

or when you know which direction something's going to go in or when you're going to pass a law to benefit these businesses that's going to force the stock to go up. And you know that, so you invest a shit ton of money before it happens. That seems like it's a problem. Yeah, if no one else is allowed to do that.

That seems like it's a problem. Yeah. Now, why is that not a problem? Because we're fucking co-opted. Because I would also abuse it. It's like the do that. That seems like it's a problem. Yeah. That seems like, now why is that not a problem? Here's why it's a problem. Because we're fucking co-opted. Because I would also abuse it. It's like the coach of a team. So they're not, you know?

Of course they would. What I was saying earlier, it's like the most tempting thing to do illegally. You wouldn't do it. The rest of us would do it. Like we found out Pete Rose was betting on and against his teams when he was playing for the team. That's sort of the same thing. Well, the against for sure is.

The against is the problem. The against is the problem. The against is the problem. If you're betting on your team, I don't give a fuck. I'm like, good, you should bet on your team. When I hear a fighter bets a million dollars in some sort of a side bet on himself, I'm like, fucking yeah, why not, man? If he really thinks he can win that much,

who gives a shit? Makes it more exciting. The only problem with Pete Rose betting on his team, something we find in the minute, was he would throw in closers for no reason, wasting them for the next game. He'd finish off a six-run lead. He was like, let fucking Mariano finish it out anyway.

People were like, oh, that's weird. Interesting. So he made decisions that weren't wise. Yeah. To ensure one win over the others. Right. If you were just being a manager. But I don't know.

Is that Monday morning quarterbacking, though? Borderline. Yeah, you're right. It's like I'm all down for people betting on themselves. But when you bet against yourself, that means you're going to not play hard because you want to win money. You're going to do things on accident that are on purpose. You're going to fuck up on purpose. You can't do that. That's illegal. That should should be illegal but that's so different that's like you know you gotta think of all the other people that are gambling too you know you're fucking over a lot of people

like if all the people think that you're gonna win and you're like for sure I'm not gonna win guys everyone I know don't think I'm gonna win because for sure I'm not but how much can a baseball player or a coach really influence how a game goes? They can definitely have a big impact on it.

Percentages. Percentages. Baseball less than most, right? I don't know, man. I don't know enough about it, but I would imagine if you were a coach and you have a roster of someone who's in the Yankees, pretty much they're all superstars, right? I mean, if you get that far with the athletes of today,

if you have whatever you have 10 15 players i gotta think those guys are all animals i mean you don't get to be like a major league player unless you're like a top flight athlete it's just it's too lucrative a job too many guys want it so like how much influence can a manager have of telling, I mean, how much do you think? 50%? 40%? Basketball more. 30%?

Football the most, would you say? Yeah. Baseball some. You're setting up a real lineup. But if one guy's like, hey, I feel a little tight, instead of going like, all right, we'll want it. He's like, let's sit you out today. You can also, they signal to the third base coach straight to the player to take a pitch.

Fucking, you know. So you do that a little more. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. It's not the only game you're gambling on it's over a season you'll help them win a lot you know what's interesting it's like fighting has always been thought of as a sport where people throw fights yeah it's always been an issue you know that was always the thing that haunted Sonny Liston in the second fight he had with Muhammad Ali because Muhammad Ali dropped him with this like real short right hand. And a lot of people, they call it the phantom punch, but it definitely was a punch.

You see Liston's head sink in like a guy will sometimes when they get KO'd. You definitely see it. There's a thing that happens when a guy gets hit on the jaw where you see the way his head sort of sinks in, and Liston's head definitely sinks in, which means that Ali connected. But the acting after he went down was so ridiculous. Like you could tell he wasn't really trying to get up.

He was like pretending he was trying to get up. It was acting. So it's like he definitely got hit with a punch. But in my opinion, he stayed down. And I think there was probably a bet because Liston was deep ties to the mob, wound up being a doorman at mob-owned casinos, and he died on drugs. It's a really sad story. But at one point in time, Sonny Liston was like the scariest guy on the fucking planet until Ali beat him. And then Ali, when he was fighting him a second time, he hit him with this one punch.

Watch it. Let's play it. And then Ali, when he was fighting him a second time, he hit him with this one punch. Watch it. Let's play it. So he's moving, and he had just lit Liston up in the first fight. Look at this. Right here.

Bam. See that? That's a real punch. Back that up again. People say that's a phantom punch. No fucking way. That's a real punch. You can see it.

Watch. Look at this. Right hand over the top. Boom. See that? Perfect. Perfect punch on the jaw. But now here's where it gets weird.

Watch it again, one more time. So if you see Ali moving, I mean, Ali was a master. Look at that timing. Who the fuck else could do that in a heavyweight division before him? He's got his opponent coming in and he's counter-punching. But the way he did this is fucking beautiful, man. If you can appreciate how hard it is to do that, the way he did that to no no play it back hold on that was just showing the punch that wasn't afterwards we need to see afterwards because afterwards is when he's laying down he's pretending he can't get up

maybe he couldn't get up but for me i'm like i don't know about this. I'm looking at him. You see that? That seemed like acting. If you're sure he got hit, but there's just something about it that just doesn't sit right with me. It didn't seem like a guy normally looks. Wait, they didn't do the count? No, the referee was trying to figure out what the fuck's happening, whether or not he stopped it. He said the corner said it was 10 seconds, but he didn't count them.

They just did it from the corner back then? I don't know. This is very confusing. I forgot that that whole thing had happened after that. He did get up. And Ali went after him again. And Ali went after him again. When the fighter goes down and the ref has trouble getting the guy to the neutral corner,

the timekeeper is supposed to count. Yeah, but they're not supposed to go resume fighting again so that's why it's confusing yeah i think he goes over he's going over to literally hear from the timekeeper what you're saying it was 10 seconds right i thought you got to count it out loud to give the guy a chance to get up where he wants to get up at eight but look listen starts moving towards ali and ali wrecks him and listen doesn't fire at Ali at all. Ooh, yeah. There's something about it, man. But the thing about it, the thing that makes me feel weird is watching him get up.

Do the part where you're watching him get up again. See, I know this is a real punch. Bam, look at it. It's a beautiful punch. And he's like, this is the chance I'll take. But now watch this. But now watch this. There's something about him laying there with his arms over his head, and he's rolling around.

Now watch this. Falls back down. That part right there, I'm not buying that part right there. Yeah, your hands don't naturally go that way above your head. That's where I'm not buying it, where he goes all the way to his back again. But it could be. It could be because he did get punched, and he did get punched by one of the greatest fighters in the history of fighting. It could be because he did get punched and he did get punched by one of the greatest fighters in the history of fighting

It could be but it's something about it It feels fishy and then the the rumor was that he took a dive and so all the people that had bet on listing Oh my god, it became chaos. That's like the only reason they lost and he was and he also did he developed a reputation as? a guy who threw a fight because they called it the phantom punch. But it wasn't a phantom punch. It's a good fucking punch. But it's like there's something funky going on, and people know when something funky is going on. Like if you watch when George Foreman fought Floyd Patterson, watch that fight. There's not a question in the world what the fuck happened. George Foreman went out and destroyed Floyd Patterson. Watch that fight. There's not a question in the world what the fuck happened. George Foreman

went out and destroyed Floyd Patterson. Nobody thought, Floyd Patterson took a fucking dive. Because you can tell the difference. You can see the difference. The thing is, you don't always see the difference. If they're good. Well, no, it's just like there's moments where a guy cracks a guy and it doesn't even make sense. And maybe the guy has like a

previous injury. Like maybe he got knocked out in training and he got hit and knocked out way too easy. But you see things that don't seem real sometimes, but they definitely are. Like dehydrated. There was a guy named Marvin Eastman. Marvin Eastman was a tank. Oh my God. Just a fucking specimen.

And he fought Travis Luter. And he fought Travis Luter. And Travis Luter knocked him out with a punch. But when you watch the knockout, it almost kind of doesn't make sense. Like, he hit him. He hit him, for sure. He hit him clean. But it's the way he hit him, he just went completely unconscious, like, instantly.

And it turned out the word was that he had gotten knocked out in training, which happens all the time. I think he was sparring Tito Ortiz was the rumor. I'm sorry if I got this wrong. But if you watch the fight and you watch the KO, you're like, wow, that's weird. It's not that Travis can't punch. He definitely can punch.

It's just the way it happened. It looks, like, show that fight. There's things that look odd. And you go, well, what is that odd? Because it's just some weird moment where, like, a guy had been injured already I never thought I never thought Connor punching out Aldo seemed like it was that vicious a punch. Oh my god. That was perfect Yeah, that's but it didn't seem like brutal strength. Well when someone's coming in you can't you can't yeah

I mean it just doesn't get any better than that Which is what's interesting about that Muhammad Ali takes two big steps back back, and he's bringing him in, and then he counter punches. So he's bringing him in sort of double. As he gets hit on the chest, too. Not only that, he's bringing him in like this. He's got his hand like this, and he goes around his hand, and he punches him in the chin. He's moving around, and as Liston comes at him,

he brings his hand up and around Liston's hand before Liston can even withdraw his hand and cover and cracks him on the chin. It was a beautiful punch. Yeah. Connor Aldo, same thing. It's like right to left, just straight across while he's coming forward. It makes his head spin.

The fact that Aldo was so hell-bent on destroying Connor, he just was hell-bent, and Connor took advantage of that. It was immediate. Remember that? It was like, here we go, big fight. And it was like, what? It's over immediately? Smart. It's like when Nate slaps somebody and then... It was genius.

But this was a powerful punch move. Look at that. Boom. Bang. Bang. First of all, you gotta realize it's perfectly placed. The accuracy. Accuracy's impeccable. Second of all, some people can just crack. And if you look at Connor's build, there's a lot of guys built like that that can just crack and if you look at Connors build

There's a lot of guys built like that that can fucking crack. I want to see it slow motion He's got he's got real wide shoulders. He's real fast, and he's got big hands like all those things together He's just got that freakish punch There's there's just people that just have that kind of punch man. Oh I mean, that's just genius left. I gets hit afterwards. Yeah He had a little bit of a cut over his right eyebrow from that punch. Mm-hmm from Aldo's Look how genius this is look at this. That's so genius Fake and punch, you know, it's even more genius

He worked on the exact thing and he mimicked what he was going to do in the green room. There's video of him. Of who? Conor. Conor. Conor pretending to be Aldo, and then him showing what he's going to do in counter. He does the exact move in the green room,

knowing, in the dressing room, knowing that that's going to be the fight. Reminds me of Masvidal Askren. Right, exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing. He practiced that step off to be the fight. Reminds me of Masvidal Askren. Right, exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing. He practiced that step off to the side. That was a great one.

He was like, that's trash. He is when you factor in that it gave his career a total. Look on the left. That's Conor pretending to be Aldo, and this is him. Bam. Look, see? He's literally saying how it's going to go down. He's walking how Aldo does, and boom. I want to see both sides now.

Wait, let me see. Okay. Look at this. I mean, it's literally what he did. He practiced it. He predicted it was happening. He knew Aldo's movements. He had it timed down.

And he's like much more light on the foot. And as Aldo moves forward, he times it perfectly. Bam. Look at that. Yeah, with the right dude that left hand that left hand is a missile too damn that left hand's a missile that that guy's he's he's one of the most spectacular punchers in the history of the sport he has some punch ko victories who connor yeah his one when he beat eddie alarez, show that. You want to see fucking genius striking with the hands?

It's genius shit. Like you could see Eddie Alvarez just got bewildered by it. I mean, the combinations he hit him with while just subtly avoiding Alvarez's punches, genius shit. Genius. Dude, I used to love rooting against him. He was such a good heel too. He used diaz oh that guy he's the best heel oh he got everybody into it yeah he's the best heel ever we were like fuck i hope you get your comeuppance he just never would dude i'm telling

you when you watch this combination it it's fucking, watch this. Look at the sidekick to the body. I mean, he's hitting him with all kinds of shit, and he's so light on his feet. Like, this is prime Conor, in my opinion. Just so light on his feet. Look at these combinations. Watch this.

He's just getting just out of the way. Like, Eddie can't touch him. He hit him there, though. But it's Conor just looking for the opening That was it that's one clips that needs the body You know people get all wrapped up in all the personality and the flash and the money and the Rolls Royces and everything that motherfucker could fight he could fight and could fight. He could fight.

And guys would beat him, but you gotta be like an elite of the elite. You gotta be like a Khabib or a Poirier. You gotta be top of the food chain to beat him. Go towards the end of this. Yeah, I just want to see that. I just wanted

the final combo this is what I wanted because the finish of this fight is legendary it's like in highlight reels all over the place look at that combo look at that combo show me that again watch this look at this. He just slides in on Boom-boom-boom, I mean come on man. She slides just out of the way the punch lands Four or five right now this punches perfectly placed. Let me see one more time. Okay this Look at this look at it. It actually touches his chin. He doesn't even flinch. One, two, three. The accuracy. Full punches.

Four. And just swarms on him. And perfect placement, right? There's no extra windup that would have made a miss. Look at this. Bing, bing, bing, bang. Look at me. That's fucking, that's amazing. Oh my God.

He goes from fine to cut up. Bro, that's an amazing combination. That's an amazing combination, my God. He goes from fine to cut up. Bro, that's an amazing combination. That's an amazing combination. What happened to him? God fucking fights, man. Fights happen to him. Yeah. And then also a shit ton of money.

And then also some time out of the game while he was doing the Floyd Mayweather thing. He trained for quite a while for Floyd Mayweather, which he was, I'm sure, just doing boxing. If you're going to train for a giant $100 million fight, you're most likely not going to do any MMA sparring or anything. Probably just did that for a while. And then you get that money. What's that Marvin Hagler quote about it's hard to get up at five in the morning and go running when you're sleeping in silk sheets?

I think that's him now. He's super jacked. USADA's going to take a visit to him real soon. Right now? Oh, dude. He looks like he's about to go WWF. Yeah. He looks like a bodybuilder from the 70s.

It's a weird picture, honestly. I mean, he's definitely jacked, but it looks to me like he's in the middle of lifting. And if you see a guy's body in the middle of lifting, it's a little deceptive because everything – see, that's what he looks like now. He's still jacked. He still looks great. But when you lift weights, like as you do it, like those bodybuilders that go on stage before those big Mr. Olympia things, they all get pumped. Olympioid.

That's a great term for it. Look at him. He looks good though. Whoa. He looks so old now. He looks different. He's got that crazy beard. That beard's crazy.

But he looks fit. Is he tucking up his shorts? He's got a hog, I bet. I bet. He's got a hog. Why is he tucking up his shorts? He looks like he's walking around on that shin. I wonder what percentage healed it is.

You got to feel like if a bone breaks in half like that, and then you get a metal plate to hold it in place and all these screws and shit. That's got to take a while. Tiger Woods is back. He's hitting golf balls again. He just posted on Instagram him smashing a ball. He talked about how his leg almost got amputated amputated from

what happened to him a car accident a massive car accident and what's he didn't he like go off a cliff or some shit yes what not really like a cliff cliff but like a yeah like a like what yeah like a what's that called? Like a ravine. A ditch. When was this? How long ago was this? February? Yeah. Oh. Serious accident. Whoa.

Yeah. Like there's this car at the bottom of this ditch. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. And he almost lost his legs. And the bottom left one was for the cheating. Yeah, the bottom left one's the cheating one.

That was different. Different kind of accident. Yeah. Different kind of accident. Which one cost him more? This accident, they think, was a result of him actually just losing control of the vehicle. Like, maybe he was going too fast. Is that what they think?

Is that what the... Was he with anybody? It seems like he lost consciousness is the overall report that I think I read. Oh, no. The pills again. Because there was no skid marks. He could have been tired. He could have had low blood sugar. He just golfed in Florida. It was hot. Oh, no there was no skid marks. He could have been tired. He could have been had low blood sugar He just golfed in Florida. It was hot. Oh no

No, what does he say? I heard after a concussion You can lose like a minute or two of your memory like right before something happens. You don't have it anymore huh Well if it's if he's At the wheel like oh fuck That can happen to people man. No, that's unfortunate like fainting is a real thing You think you're trying commit suicide not high no no no no Guys like that don't try to kill themselves. Yeah, they just do better. They come back and say fuck you They show you they win everything and I think that's what he's gonna do. He's not and it's gonna be already said

I'm not yeah, that's what he says. He also said that after everything. He's been through everything and this freak keeps coming back. My buddy Kyle Kalinsky is a serious Tiger Woods fan and he sent me these stats. He goes, look at this. Look at the winning stats. Have you seen

the winning stats? I mean, it depends on which stat you want to look at. I'll show you. I'll show you the thing that he sent me because it's just so crazy. He was unstoppable. I used to have a bet him against the field in every major

and it was like, I was behind at some point and I was ahead, but it was anybody's game. Yeah. Him or everybody else combined. On any given day. Remember when you thought

there was no way he wouldn't break Nicholas's record? And there's also times- Like it was done. Not only was he beating people, but the way he he was the way this golf scores he was beating people it would be the equivalent if a basketball team won like 500 to 45 he fucking yeah he could like fucking moonwalk the entire like back nine it was so far ahead all right here it is i found it jamie i'm gonna send it to you right now okay you watch that watch that crazy documentary HBO made about him?

No. Well, geez louise. First, it's a two-part documentary. The first part, they just talk about what a freak he is and how great he is and how much better than everybody that's ever done it he is and how he changed the game forever. And the second one just talks about how he loves pussy. I mean, he just can't get enough. Look at that win percentage.

What? Of what? Highest percentage. Look at that win percentage. What? Of what? Highest percentage. Isn't that insane? Wait, he won every five? Look how much better he is than everybody. God damn. He's so much better than everybody.

Wow. That is proof, right? If there's ever a proof of who's the best, that's proof. Yeah. That's the best proof you're ever going to see. Oh, 1983 to 2021. How wild is that? What was Nicholas' winning record in Palmer's?

I don't know. Let me check. Interesting. You could be fairly out of shape and win at that. He made people care about golf. Nobody cared about it besides golfers before. But he was never out of shape. He was always like, he was like the first guy that I remember seeing where I looked at him like,

well, that guy could probably do any sport. Well. Are there other guys like that? He wasn't big, big. I don't follow the game. So if someone makes it onto TV, it's usually like Jack Nicklaus. It's extremely mental. It's a ridiculously mental game.

Like John Daly is a know a big guy drinks has fun smokes cigarettes drinks coke diet coke while playing and he you know so tiger has the most wins by far wow by almost 20 but ben hogan has 64 he's tied with sam sneed the wins aren't in order it's a percentage percentage. Oh, okay. Because Nicklaus does more majors. But Hogan's still pretty good, man. Look at that. Hogan won 21% of the time. Damn.

But these are all-time greats ever. Oh, the all-time greats. I obviously have never played golf, but all my friends who play golf and pool all say golf is harder. Really? They all say golf is way harder. Oh, it say golf is harder. Yeah, golf is way harder. Oh, it's crazy. You're playing against so many other people.

And so many different things. The elements, sand, wind, grass. So much fact you have to factor in. It's this feel thing. I see when these guys are making these shots, and they're sitting there on their knees and trying to figure out which way the ground rolls, and they have to kind of figure that out

and time it perfectly. Yeah. What do you think that, why is that so satisfying? Like someone was trying to bring that up, like whether that was a hunting thing. Who brought that up? I can tell you, it's like, because it's like a hike, but you have something to do.

Yeah, but someone was saying there's something about the accuracy, like getting, we are obsessed with accuracy and that we're obsessed with like getting a ball into a net or a ball into a hole or an arrow into the center of the target we're obsessed with accuracy and they think it has something to do with hunting I like it that makes sense and totally not hitting a target and then yeah hitting it and you feed your family that makes sense totally makes sense yeah we're so why else would we be so invested in someone who could

throw a ball over a plate? Knock down some pins. Oh, yeah. Knock down some pheasants or whatever. Wow, I never thought of it that way. That makes total sense. Yeah. They think that's one of the factors that led to us becoming people.

From lower hominids to people, they think the throwing arm was one of the major factors. They're always trying to pin it on one thing. The mushroom people want to think it's one thing. And the meat people want to think it's cooking meat over fire, but I have a feeling it was all those things. I think it was a bunch of shit together that turned us into people, but one of them they think for sure was we figured out our ability to throw things. Do you ever throw things?

I can't even picture you. I can picture you kicking, but I can't picture you throwing anything. No, I mean I never was a pitcher or anything. You ever even shoot paper balls into trash cans sometimes yeah kobe yeah but i'm not good like i lose at horse to my kids i play basketball i lose at horse to my kids with fucking 11 year old sticks in my face like ha ha like shit wow it's fun though that's hilarious i'm terrible at basketball. Yeah. But I don't practice it.

If I play basketball three times a year. But the thing is, like, they don't like to play with me after, like, an hour and a half because then I start to get a feel for it. Take it down. You're a competitive nature. Now I know where that ball is. Adjustments have been made. And then I start finding out where that hole is.

They're like, all right, second half. We'll see. We'll see what happens. If I do that with my wrist, it seems to be more accurate. But imagine doing that and then moving and someone's trying to block you and then you're shooting at the same time. Like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah. But we're obsessed with that. We're obsessed with it. Golf seems impossible. When you break it down, like there's a small ball there, I'm gonna take a stick and hit, no. Zero chance you'll ever make that. Crazy, what a wacky game.

And you also, you know, the more you find out about it, the crazier it gets because you have to do your backswing and then everything falls into motion. It's not even like you're hitting the ball with a stick. Your hips are turning first. Your arms are coming second. Your wrists are coming third. You have to remember to follow through. You have to keep your

head exactly where it was when you started or else you're going to hit below the ball or above the ball which is a freaking embarrassing nightmare um yeah it's like when you mess up a break shot on pool right yeah that can happen yeah and it can be completely embarrassing there's like there's so many funny golf uh instagram pages stuff. Yeah, they're the best. They really are, and you can almost guarantee that everyone's a hit. What is this? Michael Jordan talking about it. Well, a competitive person like me, this is what keeps me sane, you know, because when I walk away from the game of basketball, you know,

that was enough to keep my competitive juices working. Absolutely. Now when I don't have that game, this game, and it even drives me crazy then. Now I go fishing in between my golf because I got to show patience in fishing that's going to be relative to golf. So he just plays golf like that's his life now.

That's what he loves. That's his competitive life. Are you texting people when the show's going? I'm sending this to Jamie. Son of a bitch, he's texting. He's been on that phone for five minutes.

Checking his Instagram likes. Did Instagram ban you? Instagram did ban me. What the fuck, man? Hate speech. Too much hate speech, they said. They're changing

what hate speech is. Tell everybody what happened. One of them was my tour posters I let my fans do rename my tour yes we laugh genius by the way yeah it's really rules bets a bet it's a great idea thanks you post them and they're funny and you allow people to get their name out there like people do graphic art mm-hmm what one of them was the wrong side of history tour great okay I can name it

that's a good solid torn it the next one was the Hitler gave me gonorrhea tour. And it's just a picture of Hitler with his hand over me. Was that a problem? They had a problem with that one? Wait a minute. They're both hate speech? That was hate speech. The first one was too?

First one was not hate speech. First one was okay. But that one was hate speech. Hate speech. They don't like Hitler. They don't like mentions of Hitler. Another one, my dog. But if you're a Jew, shouldn't you get a pass?

Joe, you're asking a great question. I think you should. I think you should get a pass. It's like if I make Guinea jokes. Right. If I make jokes about Italian people, I get a pass on that. Those are my people. I think also, even if you're not, if you said Hitler gave me gonorrhea, you're clearly the

shit on person in that joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No matter what you are. Yeah, it's funny. You could be a German and it would still apply. Yeah, Hitler gave me gonorrhea is a funny thing to say. I'm not saying the Holocaust was good. There's no big reason to put it that way.

And you're not saying that you gave Hitler gonorrhea. You're not saying that you performed a sexual act on him. I'll do you one better. He's not even saying Hitler gave me gonorrhea. He's saying it's funny to say Hitler gave me gonorrhea. That's the second level of it. I'm forced to say this bad thing. Don't you understand that this

is just fun and this is not a real thing? You can't say this is hate speech. This is a silly nonsense thing to say. It has nothing to do with hate. It's not true. It's funny to name your tour after this ridiculous thing that I have to so the idea that everyone would think, oh, that's your tour name now?

The call in that hate speech is so uncreative. It's so... I don't even know what the rules are anymore. I'm right on the line. I'm like right about to be there. You feel it. You got some warnings. Oh, big, big warnings. They're literally like, this is your last but not my main account, but the Kill Tony account because literally

only because of the word kill. Because it says Kill Tony. And you can't reach anybody. You'd be like, hey, just mark. This is safe, please because obviously I'm not the name of the show of a comedy show Oh, because there might be a Tony out there that feels like they're threatened Wow I Know yeah Wow someone's saying that doctors are leaving cards There was like some example of a card on the desk saying you can opt out if you don't want to be weighed Weighed? What do you mean? Like if you have to get weighed at the doctor's office, they weigh you

Oh my god You can opt out if you're embarrassed about it Yeah Oh my god Imagine like a doctor is going to do an exam on you One of the most important things Your weight? Yeah.

Whether or not you're obese. I mean, they should tell you. They're in charge of your health. They really should. Is it privileged that you get to go in there and that's your moment? Like, now I get to see exactly what I weigh. I'm always like, sweet. Now for the next few weeks, I can tell people precisely.

Yeah, you move that little scale. You get it right on there. The real one, there's no like, this might be off. Yeah, it's like you're in wrestling class. yeah there's uh there's no fucking reason why that you would you would ever stop doing that you have to weigh people yeah what are you talking about no that's how you know progress yeah like if someone's on a diet they're cleaning up their life and they're getting getting healthy what's one of the best indicators you can weigh them i mean you shouldn't be obsessed on any one thing yeah you should just try to be healthy but if you used to be 500 pounds and now you're 400 pounds, that's a good thing.

And vice versa means something you should concentrate on. Yeah. Wait, kill. Every time, kill. Yeah, kill Tony. Just calling it the name is a problem. And they're going to ban the thing. You're going to have to call it KT, K Tony.

Basically, yeah, those are the adjustments that we have to make to the post. The KC show. That sounds so much lamer. Oh my God. That sounds like morning radio. We're so lost. One thing we've realized is that if you just turn the I into an exclamation point or like little dumb things that is just, you have to show some effort, I guess.

It's weird and creepy. It's an effort to be like, no one who follows you or sees this is going to get it wrong. Right. And that's another thing is these people are following you. So it's like you should be entrusted with whatever. You could lose followers. That should be the punishment. That's what I always thought when I posted my first time I got banned, posted a dump.

And they're like, you're gone. And I'm like, let them unfollow me. They're doing it in droves. Let them do it. It's disgusting. But don't take me away for the people like, I don't mind. Well, the problem is you could show up in their algorithm and then you get suggested. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the, like, when you're searching, you just find things? There should be a way to mark, yeah, there should be a way to mark, like, this is only for people on my feed. This one's sensitive. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, that would be a good way.

Don't let it out. That would be a good way to do it. You ever see one of those, like, bomb videos going off, and it's always, like, blurry? And you're like, hey, careful. And so you click on it. Have those. Let me set it. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or animal attack videos or some shit. With my new fucking account. How do you promote your thing without a those. Let me set it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or animal attack videos or some shit. With my new fucking account. How do you promote anything without a fucking thing? It's hard. It's hard.

You gotta stop showing your shit, son. That wasn't this time. Yeah. And then there was a Jesus fucking Christ door and it was a picture of me fucking me.

And they were like, yeah. But no nudity it's just you know don't put them in the suggestion column yeah yeah help us out like suggested for you or whatever it is do you know what i'm talking about but then again if the people are into that type of thing why can't they get it why can't they get it's not hurting anybody why can't they get that why is one sense of humor better or different than another it's not even a right wing left wing thing i'm like i'm just

I think there's certain people where if they had to look at your shit it would not be a pleasant experience. That's fair. Let's move on past the shit because I admit some fault in that one. It wasn't particularly bloody shit. It wasn't just a normal shit. Oh it was? Oh yeah it was like gummy like. R.E.S. bloody shits. Yeah it was bad. I'll find it for you

later. It was bad. Like it doesn't make sense. Yeah they should there should be a i don't know why they don't right is it a financial decision is it a social engineering decision they want everyone to be the same they want one fucking everyone the same so they can market the same to everyone with the least amount of effort let us we're all different right let us have our different experiences. But here's another thing that we have to make a concession about or at least talk about. It's like,

who's responsible for when you hear about kids getting fucked up from social media, like particularly girls. They shouldn't be on there. How it fucks up their stuff, but they're going to be. Everybody's on there.

They're all going to be on it. Like, who's responsible and what do they do to stop things that could possibly bite them in the ass? up but they're gonna be everybody's oh they're all gonna be on it like who's responsible and what do they do to stop things that could possibly bite them in the ass like are they making decisions that are financial decisions like are they looking at people putting up fucked up things like that and go hey we could get sued or we can get taken down or people could write articles about how we we won't uh-huh and then our stock could drop and. I mean, is that what they're doing? Some of it, because it's not one person.

It's a conglomerate of people who just want dividends. That's why there's always forest fires here, because PG&E is like, we've got to give shareholders dividends. So same thing here. They won't do it. But the reality is that they know they're leading people to suicide.

Shut the whole thing down until you figure out how to do it without that. I have a friend who works for a big media company, and we were having this conversation, and she was saying that a lot of the people that work there also consider themselves activists because they're doing social change that's what they think they're concentrating on their own good yeah they're not just thinking about um their job they're thinking about the fact that they could like enact change in the world you're making people upset about things all over the country and the world

to do nothing. You're just filling us all with anxiety and fear. You're right. For nothing. You're not an activist. You're ruining everybody's life. You don't understand why if everybody accepts that definition,

they actually think they are because they get involved in social issues and they spread emails and they have meetings. I get it, but you're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong. Well, everyone's less happy. Everybody out there is less happy and everybody

feels it. They're doing it wrong. Make them do it right so we're not all fucking hating our brothers. It's dumb. It's clearly fucking us all up. It is, but it's interesting. Everybody's at each other's throats. It's terrible and they're doing it. Stop it. You can't do that shit. None of us signed up for that.

It's bullshit. We all feel less happy. All of us. Tell me I'm wrong. From 10 years ago to now. What do you suggest? I'm saying they're hurting all of us and we didn't get permission to do that. In what way? We're in there hating each other. The way we turn against our neighbors now. That's all new. The way we're like, I don't talk to my mom anywhere

because she voted this way. That's crazy. That was never a thing. They're doing that to us. And we signed up under the idea that we're sharing pictures of our fucking food. And then they turned each other on each other. It's awful. You eat your bloody shit. We never signed up for this.

And now you can't exist without Facebook. What do you think they're doing that we're not doing to ourselves? What do you think they're doing? We're unable to stop. We're unable to stop. We're unable to stop. So if you just put all chemicals in all food without labeling it, and they're like, well, they keep eating it,

it's like, yeah, you're putting addictions in there. You have to warn us on things like that. They're testing us. They're putting us for the stuff that makes us angry on purpose. Everybody knows that. They make you see the stuff that makes you angry. So then you're living in a world

where you're constantly angry. You, by your own admission, changed your algorithm by looking at puppies. For a moment. Because they also tell you, But you're living in a world you're constantly angry you by your own admission Changed your algorithm for a moment because they also tell you hey just so you know two years ago You also looked at this thing, so we're gonna send you a few reminders there until you get sucked back in on it You've listened back in on hate whatever it is that gets you in there all the time and mostly It's fucking anxiety and fear Am I I mean tell me if I'm wrong tell me you don't feel the same way over how you were a while ago you're 100 right we're all doing better you're 100 right

but here's my question is it us are we doing it to ourselves is this a natural function of being a person with too much access to information and you only concentrate on the bad stuff because you get all the news yeah the whole planet's news but you ever like somebody's picture and then suddenly you start seeing all their pictures way, way more. They're like, oh, he shows interest in this.

Let's put it forth to him more. It's the stuff that you're against. It's the stuff that you're like, oh, I hate that guy. He got his.

They're going to put that more towards us. So that's your world. But it's also because that's what we concentrate on. People in New York are fucking hating

each other. Maybe they can measure if you're lingering on something. I know, I know, but fuck, that was humans, and they're using that to make us all less happy. Right, but it's our own will. Like, if we have will, then the will is we have to, like, collectively agree to stop communicating like that. Sure, I think they should. But in the meantime, they're making sure you see way—

Remember when Fox News and MSNBC would say one-third anti-news and two that's pro-war, and then the other way for the other network just to push people slightly into thinking the war is good or bad right

they're showing us they're not showing us everything all at once like it used to be you would just see your feed if you post it I saw your thing if you post it ten times

I see your ten things in a row now they don't show everybody everything right and they're mostly showing you the stuff they know is gonna make you mad.

Jealousy about your friends doing shit. But wait a minute. Other people looking better than you. So when these girls are looking online, they're seeing these girls that look hotter than them. There's more showing them that than the normal pictures, which is just them sitting down with their brother. Right. But Ari, it's because that's what people engage with. It's not that they're trying to get you mad.

And they're taking advantage of it. I agree. They know they're trying to get you mad. And they're taking advantage of it. I agree. They know they're doing it now. Before Philip Morris knew about the cancer, they weren't doing anything wrong. Once they knew about the cancer and then they covered it up, at that point, you're killing people. You're doing terrible things. You're taking away our happiness. Okay, so do you suggest—

It's nuts. In New York, they were all on the same liberal side and everyone's looking for an enemy all the time. It's like what you said about those girls who watch the fucking crime shows. They think crime's all around them. And they're only showing us the fucking horrible things. Way more percentage. This is the CEO of Instagram and what they said in a Senate subcommittee. About my banning?

Okay, it says, we want people to have meaningful control over their experience. We've been experimenting with favorites, a way for you to decide whose posts you want to see higher up, and we're working on another option to see posts from people you follow in chronological order that don't take photos of their shit.

No, they left that part out. I had a chance to talk about this briefly today. It's important to me that people have meaningful control over their experience and I believe a chance to talk about this briefly today. It's important to me that people have meaningful control over their experience, and I believe a place where you can see everything from the accounts you follow in chronological order is an important thing. Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

And that's how it used to be. That's how it used to be. Now they'll put something two days ago. You know what I mean? Two days ago is something that will pop up, and I'm like, oh. All they're trying to do is encourage engagement right is it bad because it makes you more addicted like what is what's yeah if listen if their engagement is like hey there's a great service come on all you want

you know it's it's netflix or if it's like spotify even or something like that it's like do you like this service well here it's here for you use it as much as you want use it more fine but if they're pushing you to do stuff that's like damaging to you in order to get that, then it's like, no, no. Now it's not fine. Now it's not just a better product that we're going for. Right. Now it's your fucking experimenting to sell ads.

It's also, there's one thing I feel like you can trick somebody eating food that's not healthy for them by a good commercial. But it's another thing. They're addicted. You can't be a mother now without going on a mommy blog, without going on a mommy group to help raise your kid right. I bet Duncan's wife doesn't. If you're not talking to your friends now online, you have to be to keep up as a parent. Maybe that's true.

I bet Duncan's mom keeps it together. I bet she's on there. And then you're – it's not just that good stuff. I bet she is. I bet she's mommy blogging. The mommy blogging part's good. They still good stuff i have a question though like if they if they put out an instagram too and said like we're gonna make some new changes to this new app do you think people would all migrate to the new app or just stay on the thing they've been using the whole

time they had to make it like not not there anymore delete it yeah yeah say you have a year to switch over or whatever because like uh like a video game can put out a new like people are addicted to games and but the game dies until they put out a new version of it but you have to go buy the new version everybody has to buy it again and to get re-addicted they can't really put out new versions of these apps that everybody's addicted to they kind of just have to keep changing it yeah right right right while people are still using it yeah and that's or the business dies that idea could be smart though having a two and if you while it's there. While people are still using it. Yeah. Or the business dies.

That idea could be smart though, having a two and if you sign up for two, everybody that signs up for Instagram two that already follow you on Instagram one just following you on Instagram two. That'd be good. Or you could select starting from scratch perhaps. Maybe they could give you an option. Yeah.

It's just like the likes ended up, that's what makes everybody Starting from scratch, perhaps. Maybe they could give you an option. Yeah. Because. It's just like the likes ended up. That's what makes everybody commit suicide. Is it not getting enough? Comparing yourself to other people. I also have a little bit of a conspiracy. But let me ask you this. Let's say I give Ari the reins to take over a social media platform.

What do you do different? Do you get rid of all the algorithms? Get rid of the algorithms. I hate being treated like a fucking wallet. We all sort of hate saying something out loud. cigar and then i know i'm gonna get ads now for cigars right that's all fine i guess it's just for advertising but you're not changing my mood to do it yeah there's you want to hear something even weirder blair white told me that she had an app on her phone. Was it TikTok?

I think it was TikTok. So she met this girl at the gym. They were talking at the gym. They didn't exchange phone numbers. They didn't exchange texts. Then all of a sudden, that girl showed up in her feed. Yeah. And she said that girl had like 200 followers or something.

They know you probably have proximity. Oh, yeah, they know that yeah that doesn't surprise me at all if your location is on they know i read something wild about how this works they because they your uh phone is like a it's like a number it doesn't know it's who you are but it knows this number you're attached to they can uh get the data from where your phone is at certain times so they assume where you're at from 1 to 4 a.m is probably at home so they find when you're at a you're at from 1 to 4 a.m. is probably at home. So they find when you're at a place the most at 1 to 4 a.m. and can find out exactly where you live. So then they know who you are based on other data. And they know how to send you ads there for sleep number mattress then, which is like bad, but not terrible because it's not doing anything to you. It's just treating you like a wall you didn't sign up for. But that's another

level when it introduces you to someone that your phone was near. Yeah, for sure. That's so creepy. You go to someone's profile, and then within a day, you're getting a text. Hey, how you been, man? Just thought about you. Yeah, bro. Our phones are talking to each other. Oh, yeah. I mean, this is what's happening.

Yeah. There's artificial intelligence involved, for sure. But I want to go back to this question. What else would you do differently? So you would get rid of the algorithms and i do think as much as i like to think that the algorithms can be you could have willpower and just only look at interesting things and you get only interesting things in your feed i also know that there's a lot of realistic it's a lot there's a lot of people that are susceptible to a lot of weird shit in life like that.

Remember when they said you couldn't market cigarettes to minors anymore? They stopped Joe Camel, who I know I resemble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know I resemble? Yeah. But they were like, hey, that's not fair. The defense is on up and you're going to dick them forever. That's not fair.

But here's the thing. Here's some issues. Like teenage girls. Yeah. They have a lot of body image issues that come off of these Instagram pages. So what would be the solution to that? You can't stop them from posting their pictures. Right.

And then girls are always going to compare. And that's the thing about body types, and especially with young girls, a lot of it is just a wild genetic roll of the dice Yeah, like you got lucky and you got this amazing body that that does happen and for some girls It's like infuriating and it makes them so jealous and it fills them with anxiety And also gives them like weird feelings about their own body And you're supposed to leave that at school and then not think about it while you're at home after that Right next 16 hours. No, that's even constantly. Then there's the bullying. They bully each other. So they'll pile onto one girl or another girl

and they'll go after each other and they'll shame each other. Girls are exceptional bullying. Way better than us. Yeah. So if that doesn't stop, the emotional bullying, stop and you get, at least the guys, like I can't beat you up online,

but the girls can do exactly what they do online for 16 hours a day. This is the problem with social media and children's like children are not designed for that You're designed to learn how to communicate and make friends with the group of people around you But then when you're sniping at each other late at night with like these evil text messages. Yeah Groups here with someone so sad about yeah, huh? Mm-hmm. Do you let your kids have them? Yeah, it's a conversation we should have privately. I honestly, I'm not a parent.

I'll tell you how I regulate it, but I do, right. I talk to my siblings, I talk to cousins, I think, I don't have kids. I think you're crazy if you let anyone under 18 have one of those. I think it's nuts to let them have access to that. There's two arguments. Yes, it's definitely

dangerous. And two, if they don't do it and all their friends do it, they feel like a fucking outcast and a weirdo. Yeah, I guess so. And it's going to get into their lives anyway. So what do you think we should suggest we do? Start talking to each other. Get all the parents in a class to be like, guys, we've got to get them off this.

You've all seen it. You've also got to talk to the kids too. You can't keep them in the dark. You've got to talk to off this. You've all seen it. You also got to talk to the kids, too. You can't keep them in the dark. You got to talk to them about what's happening. Tell them, show them those studies and stuff. Kids are smart now. Way smarter than we were. I played a documentary for them.

I played that Social Dilemma documentary. For who? For your kids. I mean, it's pretty obvious after you see it. They put it in real terms. Yeah. It shows you what's going on, and it you think like what the negative aspects of this are you delete an app and then it's like it's back on and and suddenly like i don't know when it got back on really yeah

everybody like people say that all the time i deleted instagram and then it's like oh i guess i have it again i'm not saying they put it back on they just started doing it because they got bored your phone came back on what are you saying doing it because they got bored. What do you mean? Your phone came back on? What are you saying? No, like you take Instagram off your phone so you don't fucking think about it all the time and then people are like, two months later,

I guess, you know, I'm back on all the time. Oh, no, you just put it back on. Yeah. Yeah. It's, here's the other thing. Parents, get together

and talk to each other. You're in a fucking car and you're a passenger and you're driving somewhere and no one's talking. Yeah. It's nice to look at it. Yeah, sure.

Absolutely. It is that too. It's just every time I check in on the cultural conversation, people are more off the rails. I have a little bit of a conspiracy theory that the push by media, because I found it weird that media was covering that Instagram's causing mental health issues.

And I thought to myself, Facebook owns Instagram. And if they make it look like Instagram's the naughty one that the kids shouldn't be on and Facebook always plays to a little bit of an older crowd it's an older app right then it makes it look like Facebook is the lesser of two evils oh well they own everything so by making Instagram look well you could be on Facebook as long as you want but Instagram only an hour a day you sound like conspiracy theorist.

I mean, I'm just keeping an eye on it. But they're not doing it right. There needs to be some sort of regulation or something. I don't know. I don't know why you would let you have kids. I see what you're saying. I think we're moving in a general direction of connectivity that's going to be very uncomfortable. And I don't think it's avoidable.

I think at this point we've passed any markers that would indicate to me that we have any indication that people are interested in slowing down, that people are interested in reversing course. Small groups of people, like it's almost like we're sliding towards the edge of a cliff and small groups of people like you know I think I'm gonna get off the raft and I'm gonna go over here and I'm gonna just like plant tomatoes I'm not gonna I'm not gonna ride this thing off the rails but a lot of people are just gonna ride it right off the cliff yeah like most people are just gonna ride it right off the cliff yeah and the people that leave are like why aren't you guys all kidding off? Yeah. But it's bad. You're also, it favors a world where you just speak a response without thinking.

Yeah. It's like, come on, come on. You read the headline. Weigh in. So like all conversations almost meaningless. It's just like, it doesn't favor what you want to teach your children. Like think about stuff, make an informed decision. Now it's like, I read this.

Here's my reaction. It's a lot of virtue signaling. One thing that I noticed during the chaos that I went through a few months ago is that the tweet that happened, there was more quote tweets than retweets. So everybody's taking this thing that looks bad and giving their opinion on it.

Can't believe anything like this. There's no excuse in the world. And the ones everybody sees more than negative ones. So you see like, Oh, I guess everybody hates. I should do it too. If I don't say anything,

they're going to make, they're going to think that I find this acceptable. Yeah. And then you're seeing everybody think something's terrible or terrible or whatever's terrible. We've been given this extraordinary ability to communicate with each other without any understanding of what the effects of it are and how, how use it correctly how to manage it like none i mean other classes on like what's the best way to communicate with people online where you could teach people what's the best way that should be actually in schools if that's the way it's going to be you got to

teach them how to deal with the anxiety of someone criticizing you online or the anxiety of someone embarrassing you online? Because there's certain things that happen to kids like that that I think are devastating. My concern is that this is a cliff that we're flying on, but it's not just this part of it. It's the nature of technology getting intertwined in your life in an inescapable manner and it's happening it's happening to the point where we're going to be reliant completely on some kind of technology and it's it's one step towards us integrating yeah we're going to into a biology and electronics will be there'll be there's a there's going to be a complete symbiosis that's going to happen in our life and the problem

with that obviously is is it's terrible but like they've asked you know how you're a different person in front of different people yeah so like the way we talk to each other is different than yeah that's the most fun thing about having comedian friends exactly you look around like damn i'm glad nobody heard that yeah i ran into ari today at the coffee shop that i go to every day here in austin and coincidentally and i'm like hey dude you know this is what it would be like we ran into each other if you lived here in austin and without any hesitation he just tapped me right in the dick and balls and i immediately flopped down i immediately flopped down and sat next to him and i noticed you know other people are looking like wow whatever that just was to us completely natural i'm like so what do you want? You want a coffee or something?

Yeah, you're like, you're right to do it. I left myself open to it. Yeah. I think that shit posting and all the mean stuff that people do online is almost inevitable with the human animal. We're some kind of wild primate, right? We're just a higher level of primate. But I also think, unlike all the other animals, we can sort through things and see a problem and offer a solution. And I think a solution that can be offered, you're not going to stop people from using social media. You're not going to stop people from using phones,

but you can tell them how to do it. Yeah. You can tell people like, look, the way people communicate online is such a mean, nasty way that you wouldn't do in person. That is a weakness. It's a weakness. It doesn't mean what you think it means. It doesn't mean what they're saying, but it's a weakness of your, if you're doing that, that's a weakness it's a weakness it doesn't mean that what you think it means doesn't mean what they're saying but it's a weakness of your if you're doing that that's a weakness yeah and that's not how human beings are supposed to communicate with each other it's a base like it's a real like um quick to do thing where it's not like well like a lot of the mean things that people say i bet if you gave them time to think about it like they probably wouldn't say it right if you talk to them about it i mean that if you gave them time to think about it like they probably wouldn't say it right if you really mean that I mean that if

you were in that but in those impulsive moments where they just want to say something mean and that's what it favors the quickest response so that's the nastiest like it's also us it's us being able to communicate without the normal boundaries of like the social intimacy of being so close to you can hear somebody if you're talking to somebody you're supposed to be able to hear them talking right so you're not allowed to, you're supposed to be able to hear them talking to you back. Right, so you're not allowed to have just like, hey, this is just for some people.

You have to have real integrity to take the behavior that you only exhibit when people are around you and extend that to your digital life. And most people don't do that. Most people, they'll act like a real piece of shit in their digital life if you know that no one knows it's you

Yeah, absolutely You know like people love to do that and troll and Rick and they also expose you to stuff that you would never like the people Matt at Chappelle's like, you know, you see this you guys are never the audience Like you weren't even supposed to be presented this in front of you There's definitely people that get mad and they have a point, you know They're only giving it to you because they know you're gonna hate it Yeah, people that would never would have saw it otherwise and they have a point. You know, they're only giving it to you because they know you're going to hate it. It's people that never would have saw it otherwise and they can't fathom what comedy is.

That's not true. He's one of the greatest comedians of all time. I know, but those people were just not comedy fans. You don't think trans people want to watch comedy? Not trans people, those people that got mad. The wokesters? Yeah, the people that got mad. Those specifically were never supposed to be the audience. They were never like, you guys are never going to get it.

Get out of here. Stumbling on it themselves is different than being told by your own people that this is bad. Oh, you're gonna hate this. Yeah. Like, that's your introduction for me?

Oh, he's not like, hey, he's a very funny comic. Please welcome one of the greats. Not that. You're gonna hate this. What I was gonna say is there's definitely people that are gonna be upset,

whether they're right or wrong. Yeah. And they wanna have a conversation with it. That's great. But there's also people that take advantage of a moment and they're grifters and Those people take advantage of a moment they expand on whatever he said and make it sound way worse than it really was It was really like kind of almost like a love letter to his friend who died yeah

You know was it historically accurate like it was it like? He's trying to make it funny right? Yeah, tell him jokes obviously yeah I know he's an artist you do it with a fucking and I'm sure You know I mean it's funny. It's a funny fucking story. It's not transphobic It's not so if you say like having a conversation about someone is you that's a phobia of that person Like you we're gonna do that with everything. We're just gonna do that with some things You know we're gonna do that with all genders and all races and all that is everything gonna be off-limits to talk about it So what what is off-limits?

What stuff what stuff specifically it's up the artist to figure out what he wants to talk about you can just not like it You can be like what I didn't like this version or whatever. All right about the Chappelle special They don't really generally talk about what he actually said. They're not quoting anything. They're quoting their memories of a headline that they already heard. They've never even seen it. Calling it transphobic, but there's not like a bit that gets singled out

where people say, oh, that line. And most of that would be out of context anyway, but there's not a bit. Like, do you remember when Sam Kinison, there was a lot of uh controversy with kinnison when he was coming up and dice clay in particular like and dice clay got banned off of snl snl because mtv mtv that's right because didn't he do like period jokes or something uh pope the pope no no no no sorry shenado that was shenado connor did the

pope and they didn't want her on dice was like something terrible yeah yeah something awesome they banned him for life yeah off mtv i think he cursed i think he cur no because you could curse on mtv back no it was like what it fucking rolling stone andrew dice Clay banned for life. 1989. 1989. Okay, this is, I was a year into comedy. I had a point, but I've lost my point. He went ahead and debuted two of his famous dirty nursery rhymes. Oh! Including, rock it by baby on the treetop and your mother's a whore, I ain't your pop.

And said two of George Carlin's seven dirty words you can never say on television for good measure. Oh, he went in with a fucking plan to piss these people off. Of course. Nice. He's Dice Clay. Let me ask you a question, though. What did I say? That Chappelle thing.

Yes. All those people being at Chappelle. Yeah. Why do you think you heard so much about a tiny, tiny amount of people who were saying that? Because it's an interesting conversation to everybody else. It's gossip. It's almost nobody, and you hear tons about it. Yeah, but it's the most famous comic on the planet.

Yeah. It's a red-hot social issue that's in the news every day. And so you're more interested in that than the 99% of people. You hear more about that than 99% of people who go like, yep, another great fucking funny special. You don't hear that. They push this shit in front of you instead of that shit. So now you're thinking there's this attack going on.

And then everyone's weighing in and everyone starts to feel something about something. That's the shit that should be illegal. Everything you see is curated to make you the maddest. Right. I see that Chappelle shit too. I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm like, they got me again. I shouldn't even know they're mad.

But they're doing things that will get people to pay attention, right? They're writing articles that'll get people to pay attention. Their outrage is directed at getting people to pay attention because that's where the money is. The money is the more people read the article, the more money it generates. Gia Tolentano wrote Jezebel and she said, people used to get

mad at me for the articles I wrote, not knowing I was instructed by my editor to write articles that would make people upset. I would have issue with that. This is why. If you have a name, your name's Ari Shafir, and you write an article, and that article pisses me the fuck off, and then I read

an article about you later, and this article is different. This article is just you being you. You should almost do it under a different name. Or there's a bubble of everything you do. If you're gonna be it's if it's just a little art project Yeah, that's what it is. Well like a good music like he does a separate thing from his normal thing You can still go by Woody Allen. No, no, no, Ari. No, this is totally different Because you if it's something that you don't want your reputation associated with in an opinion, then maybe use a pen name.

Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying. Totally. Sure, sure, sure. You should be allowed to be yourself somehow. Well, yeah, but that's – if you're being told, I want you to piss people off, but that's not your honest – like what you would want to do. So when you're writing it, you're not really writing it as – you're writing it as a job, right? You're looking at it as like a thing you're going to pretend you're a dick about something.

You're going to pretend you're outraged about something. You're going to pretend you're outraged about something. You're going to piss people off. You're going to say something a little over the edge outrageous. Or just tell me about something outrageous someone else did. You're reporting these stories like, oh, so and so is the worst. Not just did something a little wrong. So and so is the worst. Because it's getting you mad. It's getting you mad. Isn't he terrible? Here's what else he did bad.

Instead of like, you know, the New York Times story leaving out all the consensual stuff. If you are a person who's a writer and you have a name, like if your name's Ari Shaffir, and I know that when I read an Ari Shaffir column, I'm going to get his thoughts and his feelings. But if you're bullshitting because your editor told you to, because you're being paid to, you should probably have an extra name from that. Yeah, it's bullshit. It's not real journalism or anything, but like, yeah, gross what's not is it journalism it's editorialism right yeah

probably it's like journalism is stories these are just like it's part of it is their take on things but also so those negative ones are what you're gonna end up you're when you and me are gonna end up seeing more of so that we just get a version of the world that everybody's hateful and angry at each other you don't say they're 99 percent of you ever get mad at a comic for like what they took that stance online and then you go like i haven't seen any of their like joke jokes though in like a long time so why are they showing me this one because they're like oh that one pissed off tony let me show it to ari and joe i bet they'll be pissed off with it too yeah there's definitely that but there's also like the network of people that you follow they'll start sharing things and then you'll start finding things and we we

gravitate towards the negative for sure yeah look at this people this person said this we love it gets pushed forward we live in that world now yeah and lingering over something feels like it would be more of a negative thing sometimes than a positive thing right you know what i mean because you're staring at something dumbfounded like if a comedian who I'm not that close with says something stupid that weird political take Yeah, I do find myself reading it like 15 times. You know we're a try to fight it now by going hey That's comedian. I'm sure I can find something funny like what were they meaning? Maybe they weren't being so it's all the social stuff is like. I mean, it really is a little weird though. You know both LA and New York.

I mean, you can admit, it is sort of crazier than ever what's going on out there. The serious posts from comics? Yeah. It's like, what are you doing here? What are you weighing in on something? You're a fucking top shelf writer in the world

and you're weighing in seriously on a subject? It's been freaking me out for a while. Well, they feel like it's part of the job of like, you know Having these conversations with the people in your tribe To let everybody know you should keep working with me because I am on the right page Yeah, I am there with you and I am a proponent of social justice every agency every agency in Hollywood sent letters to their fucking clients saying, hey,

after George Floyd, like, we hear it, CAA, we hear it, William Morris, we hear it, ITM,

we stand for social justice the way we've always had, I don't know, fucking black clients and shit like that. You should know that if you're with us, you're on the right side of history.

They all fucking did that because you have to, at that moment, go, oh, not me though, right? Well,

there was a fucking fever pitch in the air. God. And so everybody does that. Every once in a while, you fall prey to it online and you post a tirade. You ever see a multi-part tweet?

Yeah, yeah. You're like, I can't get this all in. Don't say it at all. You know what we have to take into consideration? We're really fortunate that we have podcasts. Because in a podcast, you can express yourself in the exact way you would in any other way, in real life.

Still, it's rushed. Yeah, you're right. But still, it's rushed. You see everybody. You ever see podcast clips where it's like six of the same story? So-and-so and so-and-so were fighting. And then you see like Schultz and Dylan and Godfrey and like a bunch of others. It's like, oh, you all have a reaction to this because they're all trying to like let me get our reaction quick.

Everybody stops and thinks about it. You know how Henry Rollins. Yeah, but it's things to talk about. Yeah, I know. But you know how Henry Rollins said like it takes six months before he starts writing about stuff he lets it set in his mind right valuing the opposite of that if you get up if you have a fucking i don't know houston fucking whatever take now it's like now who cares right he's like well i've had a month to think it out and you're like nah nobody cares anymore it values the quick response and that's the world

we're in now that's that's what's getting to us all the time quick response don't take time something about blech for some reason i'm wired that if you do it live or with friends or in front of a live audience it's the opposite because like when we were at skank fest when astral world happened we were in this city that it happened in i was still in bed with one eye open reading about this tragedy that happened in the city that i'm in realizing that it's a comedy festival and i have a show first at noon and i am first literally first crack at it oh yeah they're waiting for you and so i was working out these astroworld jokes by 4 p.m it's solid yeah see that right there is the difference between a comedian and a regular person

and that's one of the reasons why people hate us and to everyone at Skankfest they're like yes! and they show it to people out of there and they're like too soon I'm like yeah for you, it's not for you I do know my audience, it ain't you meanwhile there at Skankfest it is

what are the odds that this tragedy is down the street? It's incredible. Why didn't you have a Houston... It's like the lottery. They felt so blessed because it's like, yeah, we are the people that laugh at, or not laugh at tragedies, but joke about tragedies. Jamar was like, what's wrong with you guys that we haven't had one death here? Taylor, whatever, Swift dude, whatever, show us up. Taylor Swift dude.

Whatever his name is. What's his name? Travis Scott. Yeah. This is the worst take on Astroworld the world has ever known, for sure. It's a tragedy. How many people died? Nobody we know is the answer.

But if there were. We would have heard by now. How many people died? Five to eight, I'm not 100% sure. Died. You can't do that. We're having a good time. We're going to put water on this fire right now.

Ten. Ten people died. I got double digits. That's not bad. That's a ruckus. That guy brings the vibe. Yeah, that is truly a ruckus. You're fucking.

Drinks in the air. Liquid spraying everywhere. vibe. Yeah, that is truly a ruckus. Drinks in the air, liquid spraying everywhere. So what was the cause of, did people get trampled? Did people get pushed to the ground? People were being dosed, they said, also? Was it a bunch of stuff they were saying? That was a crazy rumor.

That was a crazy rumor that someone was running around injecting people with drugs. Oh, wow. Yeah, I heard that. But I was like, what did that have to do with the trampling? But the rumor went far because I think the sheriffs actually reported that their security guard had to be getting Arkin. Right, that he got a shot in the neck.

But the security guard, when they asked him, they said, actually, I got punched or something like that. Oh, interesting. I do know security guards often say when they're at festivals that somebody dosed them so they can get off work and they get to go join the concert interesting yeah hey man somebody sprayed acid on me I'm sorry but let me see how I feel in 20 minutes just you know it's like hey it's kick like I get out of here work tomorrow security guard is a weird job because

you're not a cop but you want to be one you kind of want a lot of They they that's why I understood I first understood the relationship that cops have often to other people Is that there's a us versus them thing because the security guards all bonded together because there was like occasionally there were fights Occasionally things were physical. They got like real physical. I'll watch quite a few Security you see great woods when I was a security guard. I was a security guard for a few years. At a performing arts center, at a mall. I don't know what's happening. It was a concert center.

They hired all these black belts from my Taekwondo school. So the security was like four or five black belts from my Taekwondo school, and then all these real professional security guys. Is that Joe Rogan running after hundreds of people? I didn't chase after anybody. black belts from my taekwondo school and then all these real professional security guys running after hundreds of people i didn't chase after anybody disaster world disaster world people piling out oh my god this was earlier in the day the fence this happened in multiple places oh my god the fence just crashes yeah and they could people getting trampled getting into this

oh my god this is hard and no one knows in the back they're pushing on to people this is horrible this is horrible this led to like later in the night that there was too many people there. Not enough people to crowd control. Oh my god. This is terrible. Those people are just stepped on over and over again. They can't get up.

So what we used to do is we had to stop people from bringing in liquor. So one of the things that we did was as we were waiting for people to come in we would have to check their bags and they all were trying to stow away liquor so we'd find like bottles of expensive wine we had to take it all so we had barrels of booze I'm not kidding go home with like yeah we all we all split it up all the security people they gave it to us so you had like barrels of wine coolers and shit. You know, who's that one guy? Um, that famous, uh, singer, uh, bald head, but all the women love him. Older,

older guy. God damn it. Do you just call out my name? Neil Simon? What the fuck is no, no, no, no, no, No. No. God damn it. Oh James. James. Yeah. James Taylor. James Taylor. James Taylor. Yes. So he would play and girls would bring wine. Start till you're 18 kids. They would bring wine. They would all bring wine and everything.

We'd steal their wine. You can't take this. This is a 1930. Sorry. Sorry you're not supposed to bring it and so they they'd be they could either go home or they would could give up the wine and they would have bottles just giant dumpsters imagine how boring it is watching james taylor live sober yeah so the other thing i brought just wine the other thing we used to have to do is we'd have to make sure that things didn't go haywire. And that's the day I quit.

The day I quit is there was a concert, a Neil Young concert, and they started fires. What? And so there was a whole lawn area. And it was kind of cold out. So these people just decided to start fires. And they were throwing like, you know, they had like boxes and stuff and throwing gasoline. It was wild. There was fires.

What? So they stopped the concert. They stopped the concert. And there was physical fist fights, and I always carried a hoodie because I had my big security shirt on. But as soon as shit went down, I'm like, zipped up that hoodie. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Gone.

I'm not putting out literal fires. I'm not getting any street fights with you for $20 an hour or whatever I'm getting. I'm going to fight some drugged up Neil Young fan who's got a fucking motorcycle jacket on. Nah, who's got a knife. No thanks. What are we doing here? I'm not doing this. He's not going to go at you by the rules of jujitsu.

Yeah, I'm not a cop. I was like, I'm just supposed to steal people's booze. Dude, I was hanging out in Bonnaroo with one of the security guards for comedy and the promoter, Sam. And we were just like, where can we get some molly this hour? He goes, oh, I'll ask you the security guards for comedy and the promoter, Sam. And we were just like, oh, where can we get some Molly this hour? He goes, oh, I'll ask you the security guards. It was just like, go stock up on these drugs and go have a fucking great time. It's awesome. Security guards at those places probably all sell drugs.

All of it. Yeah, probably. Hey, I'm off. I'm going to turn a profit. Everybody sells drugs at those things. I feel like that would be wasted You know money if you didn't do it like if anybody would sell drugs like especially good drugs You ever get take some take it to your guards something TSA and they're like, okay We gotta take this knife and you're like hey, it's a good one. Can you please like use it?

I get it you have to take it but like I want you to use it like it's a good thing Yeah, it depends on who's taking that knife though. You might look it's one guy like bitch. You never you know It's a good thing. Yeah, it depends on who's taking that knife, though. You might look at one guy, you're like, bitch, you're never gonna use this. Send it to my house. Come on, give it to the other one. I'm gonna take a later flight.

Give me my fucking knife back. Dude, one time me and Soder were going into, I think, Outside Lands, and he had these, just came from Denver, had these joints that were shaped like cigarettes with the brown tips in the bottom, so it looked like, and he puts it in a cigarette case,

four joints. Nice. Perfect. Yeah. yeah go in there take a cue or whatever he goes oh no you can't bring cigarettes in here like what and then i was like right behind a long security line and i was like well can we just smoke one before we go in and the guy's like you have to wait in line again like fucking shit and soda just gave up he was like fine no i don't need the cigarettes how come you can't smoke cigarettes there i guess it was a no cigarette rule there oh it's out so outdoor though right throws it in the garbage and i'm like motherfucker and then he's searching me and i'm like whatever i don't have anything we came from we came right from montreal he stopped by his house and then he's like go ahead and i just walked by i just walked

by the trash can and just choked my hand in it. Picked up the fucking cigarettes. I was like, make a fucking move. He's not going to kick me out. He'll tell me to. And then Dan's like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And it was so perfect. He saw it. He was too far away.

And he was like, I was starting to hope you would. And then right when you passed it, he's like, the guy wasn't looking anymore. Ari, what's a clutch move? Yeah. One of my greatest. One of my greatest. Clutch move. Saved it.

We both cried listening to Nine Inch Nails. Very clutch. I'm sure the word probably got out and people snuck stuff in somewhere. Yeah. You do it in your shoe. You tape it right next to your dick. Bottom of your shoe. Oh, yeah.

Tape it on your dick. You just got saran wrap. You wrap your dick with the joints. That sheath underwear is actually quite good at smuggling joints in because it's got a ball pouch. Yeah. So you just keep it in there. It won't fall through.

Boxers are the worst. Sheath underwear is the best. Right. It's smuggling. It really is.'s got a ball pouch. So you keep it in there, it won't fall through. Boxers are the worst. Sheath underwear is the best. Smuggling. It really is. It has a pocket there. How many joints do you think you could wrap around your dick and then saran wrap it before it didn't feel like a dick anymore? Before people don't believe you.

That's not even. No way. Is that guy's dick? TSA pre is like, no, no, no, no, no. What's going on here you start walking with nothing that's my dick yeah well you have giant balls does that ever does that ever is anybody ever like do you have anything in your balls come on sir there's clearly something here what if it's obviously not just you what if you just explain that it's a splint to help enlarge

your penis and that you wear it 24 hours a day and you have to or the process has to start over don't do this to me dude don't do this to me, dude. Don't do this to me. It's just a splint. It's a penis splint. If you ever look at it online, penis splint, they stretch your penis out, sir. Nobody wants to Google that. Don't want to do it in front of you.

Dudes do that, though. There's dudes that stretch their dick out. They literally grab the tip of their dick and a device and pull on it. Or they put weights on their dick. To over time stretch it out? Yes, to over time. No, that doesn't work. Well, if you go to Africa and you see those naked ladies

and you see how their boobs are flapping and hanging low like that, that's what happens when things get pulled on, when gravity pulls on it. That's why girls wear bras. You get it? That's why Ari's balls sink, Sag. They have been sinking lower and lower. He doesn't have the proper underwear to support his shit.

So gravity keeps pulling on it. Gravity can do that to your dick too, apparently. I don't know about that, man. Why would your dick not go all down also? I'm not bullshitting. There are guys who have apparatuses strapped to their dick and they crank on it and it lengthens their dick.

Is your dick bigger now than when you were like 16 17 that's when you were fully grown good question mine is over time maybe it does maybe it does all that pulling on it you're always pulling on the thing yeah i think there's something about blood flow there yeah but also what if you can increase the size of it by pulling on it? But that doesn't change the amount of muscle and tendon on the inside. You got a muscle in your dick? True. I get what you're saying. But what about those necks?

It's the carrots who stretch their necks. Could you imagine if there was a dick machine at Gold's Gym? There was a machine. You just shove your dick in. You just fucking lift weight through your cock. The lines just out the door. Hey, dude, wipe it down before. Can we please get more than one of these machines?

That would be like the real question. Are you so vain you use the dick machine? Everyone is. Everyone's going to use the dick machine. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Well, there's no line right now. They just put in a new one.

What is a machine that girls always use at the gym? Oh, that donkey kick one, for sure. When they have their butt up in the air and they throw kicks backwards. You push against a weight thing. You ever seen that? Talking to the wrong guy. You know, they do this kind of shit. Yeah.

To get their butts going? Yeah, girls love that one, right? That's what girls do. The last time I was at a gym was Sober October three years ago. Dude, you got ripped. You should have kept it going. I was hoping you were going to keep it going. There's a lot of work. I was hoping we talked you into

yeah it's a lot of work it's called life what a good answer I thought we what yeah exactly I thought we talked you into

a lifetime of fitness after that but nope right back to slovenly ways maybe it was a moment of maybe I should do that and just like

done no way so much easier to not do it I get it it was funny though because you were so competitive you were so into it while I was happening yeah You were very formidable Yes, so you put in some good pushed you a little

Put in some good numbers. Yeah, I would do it at night when everybody was asleep, and they wake up to Anxiety oh this penis stretcher seeis stretcher. See? Top four. Four of the best ten penis extender stretchers. Can I break in right now? That photo on the left? See that bottom left? The cartoon? I got flagged for sexuality. Wow.

Something like that. A cartoon. Look what this says. Four out of ten best penis extender stretchers that impressed me as a user. This is a guy that definitely used a pen name. It says Irvine Weekly. So that's like that Irvine newspaper? Oh my God.

That's hilarious. Let's see what it's like. Irvine Weekly. Irvine Weekly is out there stretching dicks. How to find the best device for yourself. Brand partner content. Yep. That's a key one.

Okay, so it's an ad book. Brand partner content. Yep. That's a key one. Uh-huh. Okay, so it's an ad book. Finding the best penis extender can feel like navigating a puzzling maze. Don't say it like it's a given article. No.

None of us have thought about this before. Yeah. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

What'd you say? What'd you say? In this penis extender review, you'll find a personal testimonial based on many years of experience using different penis enlargement devices. This guy's a pervert. Oh, wow. Many years of experimenting on dick pulling? How dare he?

How dare he write this article and just he's an expert throw that in there what if you found once one work wouldn't that be it that would be it I got one what is experiment I'm seeing marketed in my dick size with this product why would I ever take a second without using it he's like no no no now we need a girth machine oh the deluxe is 349 Jamie by. Can you please get one? Can you please get one and a half? Please get Quick Extender Pro prices and find out the updated prices. And maybe find the coupon code. This one's the only FDA-approved one.

Oh, the FDA got involved. They must be making money. They're making money on dick size. The FDA approved this and not the vaccine? The Felicin Forte. Remember when Viagra first came out? It rocked the fucking country. Changed the world.

Would you trust a German penis extender, Ari? I would if they didn't know it was going to me. Is that thing to cut the balls? What's the thing in the bottom? Is that the gripper? That's a speculum. There's so much metal there. That's bothering me. Oh, and then you slowly

pull it out like- Oh, Jesus. That metal- Yeah, it's metal. That should be rubber. Metal plus dick equals ouch. No reason to have that metal.

It looks like trappy places. A girl finds that. Trappy skin or dick skin gets caught. Your new girlfriend finds that in a cabinet somewhere like, what is this?

Oh, that's a soup stirrer. Go back right there. That's how it works. Look. That thing grabs the balls. And pushes it away. That's gonna extend your balls, though. No, everything. Everything gets stretched out. Dude, you pump it up like a fucking barber chair.

You push down on it. Ka-choo. Ka-choo. Ka-choo. Ka-choo. Look at that one. Yikes. Yeah. you push down on it whoa yeah it's New Year's Eve noisemaker it is a order five of those for next time I'm here milking dicks getting your dick to grow Shannon mark we're gonna have a time in our lifetime where this like giga Chad this drawbacks I waited too long for the results. Sorry, this is just for this particular one. Oh.

Yeah, never mind. What is this guy saying, though? Hold on. It took me a pretty long time to figure out how to create a vacuum. The Felocium Fort version is incredibly comfortable. But such stretching of the penis with the help of a strap,

which created tension in the structure, failed to achieve significant results. Like, what a weird way to talk about stretching your dick. Also, the next one's incredible. I found the Felocin Forte Plus construction somewhat uncomfortable and even unsafe if your penis is more than six inches wide. It's like, dude, if your penis is more than six inches wide,

what are you doing stretching it out? You already would. I think you did it, dude. Imagine if there's a group of guys out there with dicks just like those crazy stripper ladies with like triple F tits. They just can't stop getting their boobs done bigger. There's guys like

that with dicks. Yeah. Constantly. You can safely use it while sleeping. What? You're going to sleep with a robot blowing you? That's terrible. This is awful. This is the future. This is the future. This is our future.

Oh, my God. That looks like it makes a noise if you squeeze the little... It looks like one of those dipper things that are going to dip the birds that dip down and drink from the cup. You should just Google, do you cum when you use your penis extender? You should Google how often do you cum when you... Am I the only one that... Google that phrase. Let's see what happens.

There's just got to be a bunch of guys at a forum dedicated to the penis extender that makes you cum the hardest. Somebody from the industry leader is going to reach out to you. The industry leader and penis extenders. Which one got FDA

approved? If there was something that could make your dick grow like that, my goodness. How would we not know about it? Well, remember that joke that I used to do about if dick pills were real, it'd take about 30 seconds after the event before the first guy died of an overdose. Just fill it up on it.

No one's going to just take one. How many are you going to give me a stroke? How many? I'm going to take one less than that one's going to just take one. You go, how many are going to be a stroke? How many? I'm going to take one less than that. And then half a less than one. Fuck out of here. And then I had the whole thing about- Guys carrying around their dick with shopping carts.

Yeah, the women evolved because the guys' dicks got so big, women's vaginas had to grow accordingly because guys wouldn't stop growing their dicks. Which one was that? That was Shiny Happy Jihad. Maybe we would- Yeah. They said that like guys with big dicks

and chopping cars would chase women up to the top of cliffs and they would leap off the cliff like flying squirrel pussy people cause their vaginas

would be so big from the giant dick evolution this is basic science there's I mean there's like weird uh rolls of the dice in the world but one of the weirdest rolls of the dice in the world for guys

your dick size yep like you can just have a tiny dick and there's not a damn thing you can do you know guys that are concerned about the smallness of their dick like overly concerned they talk about it more than anybody yeah it's weird yeah it's weird it's what's a weird like comedy thing there used to be a comedian i'm not gonna name his name but he would close by saying my name is thanks so much that's my time i'm blah blah i have a big dick that's right and i always thought to myself he must have the smallest dick he must have a small dick or he has a big dick and he's getting out there. That's right. I got a big dick. Look, we have an answer.

And listen to how it's read. Once again, oh, can I have an orgasm while using a penis pump? Once again, this will depend on the person! Exclamation point. Why is there an exclamation point? What the fuck are you doing? Are you a cheerleader? He's answering his own questions emphatically.

You will certainly be able to have an orgasm once the penis pump has been removed, although it may take longer than usual due to your increased stamina. Sure. You get stamina with a penis pump, too? They were able to come while their penis pump is still in the tubes, simply from the intense sucking, in quotes, sensation, which they experience. Whether or not you will be able to do this depends on how pleasurable you find the experience of using the pump.

So go ahead and give it a try. Should we do like a sober October thing and we all try to see which one of the three of us can extend our penises the most? Oh my god, imagine if one of us ripped our dicks and we had to go to the emergency room. Oh my god, that'd be great. Next week.

These are grown adults. Take them off Spotify. Take that down. Hey, what happened to that walkout on Spotify? Young fucking employees, did you go back to work? Fucking idiots. I mean, if you're coming from the sucking of your penis enlarger, then you have bigger problems than your small penis. Well, no. What if you just say, okay, before I use this penis enlarger, I'm not even going to look at my dick for like six weeks. Yeah. I'm not going to beat off at all. I'm just going to pee and go to sleep and wash it when I have to

and be honest about it. No grabbing it and holding on to it. Before. Before. And then use the penis pump. You would want to measure in your ice box the first time. Why would you do that? If you didn't jerk off at all,

or no sex, no jerking off for like six weeks and then use the penis pump, you'd probably be so horny. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd blow a crazy load in there. Yeah, maybe then you'd come. Six weeks, I mean, Jesus. You put on your pants and you're going to

look at me weird. You ever see how when animals fuck, dude, animals fuck like this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's it. And it's over. That's how they do it. Like the turtles. We take our time. Ready? And that's it. And it's over. That's how they do it. We take our time.

We love making it sensual. We enjoy it. Animals are trying not to get eaten. They just dive on each other, fuck real quick, and run for the top of the trees. Right? When you see monkeys fuck, they're not taking a lot of time. They're not making love.

They're not sticking a thumb in the butt. There's no foreplay monkey I think monkeys and chimps are the only ones who do it for fun though I see a monkey spitting in another monkey's mouth what did we just witness

they're mimicking the humans they're evolving she smacks him in the face he smiles while he's fucking her touch one of these to me the most disturbing thing in nature She smacks him in the face. He smiles while he's fucking her. That's one of these. To me, the most disturbing thing in nature is when chimps eat monkeys. That's the most disturbing.

Out of all the things I've ever seen in nature documentaries, I get all of them. I get a lion killing a gazelle. It all makes sense. When the crocodile takes out the wildebeest, it makes sense. But when you see a chimp eating a monkey. Because they look too related. Whoa. Why?

They look so related. They don't just look related. They look like they know that that little monkey's screaming and looking at them, trying to push them away. Oh, yeah. And they're eating them alive. They eat them alive. Whoa. Why?

They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck that the monkey's screaming. They got them. They got them, so they're going to eat them. Wow. Bro, chimp. Why? Just because they're food? They're food they got him so they're gonna eat him. Wow. Bro, chimp. Why, just because of their food?

Their food, their food. Too close. David Attenborough, I believe, was the first guy to catch that on film. I think so. See if that's true. So they did this, back then they used to think of chimps as being, you know, we thought of chimps,

we always thought of them as like, you know, they eat fruit, they eat a banana, they swing around. We never thought of them as being, you know, they eat fruit, they eat a banana, they swing around. We never thought of them as being like relentlessly violent, right? Right. When you were kids, you never thought of a chim- Yeah, you picture little bananas and stuff, like peeling a banana. They were people's sidekicks on TV shows, right? Yeah.

Like there was a show called BJ and the Bear. And the bear was this. Chimsy baby monkey's brains first, a clue to human evolution. Oh, God. Wait, is that a baby- Is that a new one? Look at that, they're eating the baby monkey brain first. Oh, human evolution. Oh god. Wait, is that a baby? Is that a new one? Look at that. They're eating the baby monkey brain first. Oh my god. He goes right for the head to eat the brain He looks so casually he's having such a good time so casual just ripping it apart and the strength those things have

It's just preposterous the strength the chimp has he we want to think it's like relative to like their size like He's catching a baby monkey and happening here? Who's doing what? He's catching a baby monkey. What's the other monkey? What's the one on the left? Is that his mom or something? Running away. That's the mom running away.

Oh, it's like, sorry. Does she have any more on her back? No. She's just running away, man. She'll get killed. Look at the shape of her body. I think that's her other foot, bro. You got that thing in the way.

What happened? Yeah, I think that's her other foot, isn't it? What is that? Yeah, it's a foot up backwards It's like she just yeah, it's just yeah, she's in the middle of a full leap. That's what it is. Oh fuck man That is so why chimpanzee captures Shebba she captured a young call of this monkey during a hot day. Yeah, it's always those call of us monkeys You see the videos of those is that squirrel monkeys? I don't know those are so cute They're cute little monkeys. And these chimps, they do it intelligently. They corral them.

Like, they have them on the ground, and they run down on the ground, like, making a lot of noise. And the other ones get up in the trees, and they, like, funnel them together. And then they attack them. They get them into, like, these. And they'll for sure get one. Wow. Sometimes they throw them to the ground. Is this David Attenborough?

Young David. Yeah. So, I believe this was, if I want to say, I want to say this was in the 90s. they throw them to the ground is this david attenborough young dude yeah so uh this i believe this was if i want to say i want to say this was in the 90s he's in there with him yeah yeah he's in there with david attenborough is the most beloved person in the world so uh he films these chimps and he's you know getting a chance to see them behave and act in the wild in a way that very few people ever do and photograph with beautiful cameras so here he is he got a chimp and he's like they're just eating it alive you seen it so he's like now back up CC it's

screaming like look at it Oh and these chimps are just Everyone the hunters are The hunters are tearing it apart Oh the one in the bats eating it. Wow. So all these chimps are excited that they caught a monkey. Oh, it's dead.

It's dead. No, it's not quite. Yes, it is. It's dead now. That's an organ. By the time it's finally dead, but they're just eating it guts first. Like, look at this. Oh.

It's just. And now they got another one. They got a piece there of it. Bro. Bro. That's us. See, this is the thing. We came from that.

Yeah, so you can't let them have social media. They'll be even worse to each other. Dude, Nature's Metal just posted one of a grizzly bear killing a brown bear cub like chasing it down then it's like a blood all over him just to like have more mates nature's so hard well it's not just that it's food they uh they come out of the dens hungry and uh apparently they're pretty sure that some bears at least go looking for cubs for as a food source so it's not just about breeding it's just about eating cubs as a food source. So it's not just about breeding. It's just about eating cubs.

And then maybe also about forcing the female into estrus because she doesn't have to take care of the baby. To get back in. Yeah, and the females, that's what Nature's Middle said. It'll make the women go like, I don't like to kill my son, but I need to fuck. But bears are different in that they eat them. They're looking to eat. Like a lion kills cubs. The lion's probably not going to eat the cubs, I don't think. Okay. Look at that. At first I was like, oh, they're playing. They posted a to eat. A lion kills cubs. The lion's probably not going to eat the cubs, I don't think.

Yeah. Okay. Look at that. At first, I was like, oh, they're playing. They posted a nice one. Oh, this is awful. This is awful. Kill the cubs.

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's just a rug now. It's so ruthless, and he eats it. Look at him. He's eating it, just tearing it apart and eating it. ruthless and he eats it look at him he's eating it just tearing apart and eating it i mean it's weird how we are taught as kids that like these animals are cute like winnie the pooh is a fucking bear and he walks around don't go anywhere near that thing in real life and no pants and oh

they like honey and oh the lion king oh lion what is that someone got bit damn dude i think he's been using that's a black bear that's a black bear and. Someone got bit by another bear. I think he's been using the penis extender. That's a black bear, and he probably got attacked by a bear. What does it say there? Oh, it's a Finnish brown bear torn up by a rival bear. Yeah. Oh, it says, you might be thinking, it looks like a black bear, and while the color might look very similar to one,

Finland doesn't have black bears. Interesting. Even if they did, color and size can be misleading and not a reliable and if it can reliable and identifying features when trying to distinguish

between a brown bear and a black bear this bear has a shoulder hump a distinct brown bear feature ah interesting they get warned all the time on Instagram too like if you're careful

nature's metal gruesome but it's like yeah by design no one's seeing this but it's also can I get access to this information remember when all this was supposed to Arab Spring and change the world say whatever

So descent do it also. That's life. That's real life. Yeah, that's real life. That's educational Yeah, we shouldn't be shielded from that part of nature We can't have this distorted perception of nature is I mean if you like cute things You just like oh my phone that the thing that gets me about the bears is I kind of think that's how it has to be. Because if you think about it, if bears could just breed like crazy and spread out all throughout the land, they would eat everything. They're fucking huge. If they just didn't have any competition at all and they didn't kill and eat each other,

there'd probably be so many of them. Because what's going to stop a bear? And all they have to do is catch things and eat things. They're really good at it. So if there was like a lot. You can't fight back. They catch moose. They eat moose.

Damn. You know, they catch them. They run up to them, they grab them, and they eat them. They eat whatever the fuck they want. So if there was like an overwhelming number of bears, nature would be all out of balance. So nature made the bears eat the bears. That's what's so crazy. It's like there's a wild beautiful balance to the whole thing and if you don't see those nature's metal type videos then you

don't you don't see the whole thing the whole like we look at it as cruelty because we don't want that to happen to our loved ones or to our pets yeah or to you know to anything that's cute we don't want to happen. But then we'll buy a chicken sandwich. We'll go to Chick-fil-A and get a spicy chicken. It's delicious. If every animal in the world. I don't want to see it. That's all.

But yeah, exactly. If every animal in the world, if we had UFC 1 or UFC 2, if we did it bracket style, and every animal in the world had to fight, who do you have winning everything in tigers tiger tigers beats a grizzly bear wait hold on we're not talking about fish because then it's home court advantage yes like a whale and a tiger could never depends where it is yeah unless it's online and the orca would fuck up the shark yeah yeah it's um it's a big cat. Tiger over bear?

Yeah, big cats. And a tiger over a lion? Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, bigger. They're bigger, a lot bigger. Yeah, a large male tiger. That wasn't taught to us either.

Let's see what a large male tiger is. King of the jungle. I want to say a large male tiger borders on like 1,100, 1,200 pounds. I don't think a large lion does. I think a large lion is like 800, 900 pounds, maybe even smaller. Those ones you used to show us about the guys riding on the elephant and the lion knows the food is all the way up there. Oh, my God, it's Tiger. Tiger just jumps up over it.

Tiger knows the man is up on top of the elephant. No, no, no, no, no. And tore the guy's arm apart. The guy lost use of his arm, I believe. Wow. Because the thing just slashed his fucking arm open. I mean, they have razor blades for claws that and used to take out the axis deer life getting worse You're a fucking elephant herder. What's the yeah? I can just get suddenly way worse. I think there were probably hunters

So the cat size tigers are heavier weighing up to 800 pounds the lines 550 so yeah tigers are bigger Are the two cats aren't so different in size. Here their profiles are superimposed. Oh, interesting. So they're similar size, but the tiger is that much heavier, which must be muscles. Yeah. Hold on. Go back up there. You might remember from high school health class that muscle weighs more than fat, which helped explain the tiger's extra

pounds. So it seems the tiger would have a physical advantage over the lion. Have they ever fought? For sure. For sure. For sure. For sure people have done that. If you imagine... In 2011, a tiger killed a lion with a single paw swipe that Conor McGregor of the Ankara Zoo interviewed.

Wow. It's a phantom punch. Killed a lion with a single paw swipe. With a gap in the fence. The tiger apparently found a gap in the fence and made its way to the lion's enclosure. When they met, the tiger severed the lion's jugular vein just one stroke wow oh my god i'm perfect oh my god well hold on what i've seen from tigers they seem to be more aggressive they go for the throat they go for the kill whereas lions are more i'll just pound you and play with you yeah because they're like kittens

yeah it's it's it's like the difference between a wolf and like my dog Marshall. It's just tigers are the kings. That's the real king of the jungle. It's not a lion. And they're pissed. Lions live in the savannas anyway, by the way, don't they? Do they live in the jungle? They call them the king of the jungle.

They do call them king of the jungle. Are they actually in the jungle? Ask Joe Rogan about those. I feel like lions are like they're a grasslands animal, right? Lions don't actually live in the jungle? Ask Joe Rogan about those. I feel like lions are like, they're a grasslands animal, right? Lions don't actually live in the jungle. Thank you. Got it. Nailed it.

Their real habitat is the open savanna, where they can hunt mammals such as gazelles, antelopes, and zebra. They may also cooperate to catch larger mammals such as buffalo, giraffes, and even crocodiles. Yeah. So that's a bullshit name. The tiger is the king of the jungle, and they live in the fucking jungle. That's a really interesting fun fact. tiger is the king of the jungle and they live in the fucking jungle that's a really interesting king of the jungle yeah that's like i've never heard that before there's a man there is a king of the jungle one documentary if you're into lions

you have to watch it's called relentless enemies and it's about a particular group of lions that got trapped on an island with one food source that food source was buffalo that what they call black death these these big fucking massive buffalo so all the lions grew so the Female lions on this one island are as big as male lions everywhere else, and they're jacked They look like so on the way they could have all to kill the buffalo They had to evolve to kill the buffalo. So they're all super jacked. And they're all eating buffalo.

So they're eating like the most dense protein meat in enormous quantities. Because you kill one, it's like 1,800 pounds or something like that. So these lions, when you look at them, they look off. They look like a lion from a movie. Like, what the fuck is going on here? Because the females are fucking jerked. The females look like Cyborg if she was a lion. Just the females are fucking jerked. The females look like cyborgs if she was a lion. Just running around fucking jerked.

Just angry. It's a wild documentary, man. It shows you evolution. It shows you natural selection. What's it called? Relentless Enemies. See if you can find a little clip of it, we could see what the female lions looked like. Because female lions are usually sleek, right?

Because they have to run down these gazelles and stuff and catch them. And they're very clever. They work together. Look at the size of that girl. Bro. Look at her muscles. Look at her fucking muscles. She's super jacked.

So these lions in there. It's a really good documentary, too, because it's explained. Look at that picture right there. That's a great picture. The one your cursor's on, Jamie? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you get a sense. Make that bigger. Look how fucking determined he is. Oh, my God. That's a great picture the one your cursor's on Jamie Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz you get a sense look make that bigger look how fucking determined. Oh my god. It's a girl The fucking physical the muscle in that thing I jumped a little early, but still made the still made the grab

The whole thing is just get a hold of back legs That's what they want. They just want the back legs They want the back legs to trip you and then they tear you apart. Oh yeah, they fight back hard. They're the most dangerous animal to hunt in Africa apparently. Because they come at you. That's why they call them Black Death. Wow. They fuck people up, man. Look at those

fucking cool horns he has. Africa has some awesome shit there, man. They keep going after each other. Hey, gotcha. Those cats are incredible. It's incredible. But it's incredible that this only happened,

God, I want to say it was like 100 years ago. See if it says when the river changed. Yeah, something happened. There was probably like some rain event or something like that.

And the river changed courses. It changed its route. And it made this one area an island. And they got stuck there. And so they all just figured out how to kill buffaloes. Like only buffalo. Damn. How about the Galapagos? That's all I talked about

in Evolution. Swamp cats. Oh my god. Because swimming in Iguana, so the only ones that knew how to swim made it over here. They made it with the other ones who knew how to swim over here. The few, the freaks in the iguana world. And then all those freaks started mating and now they all swim. Only there.

For sure, though, the Romans must have brought lions and tigers to fight to the death, right? Yeah. For sure. They'd be crazy not to. Why would you not? Yeah, I mean, that'd be like Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis in their prime.

Yeah, why would you not? You want to see the best of the like Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis in their prime. Yeah. Why would you not? You want to see the best of the best. You want to see the best of the animal world. We want to see the best of the best of the human world. Yeah. Right? For sure. Drunken night talking.

Who would win against a tiger versus a lion? Right. Oh. We've always wanted to see who's the best. When you watch a UFC, you want to see who is the fucking best. Yeah. Who's the best. For sure we feel like that with animals.

I mean, think about rooster fights. People have rooster fights. They want to see whose rooster fucks up the other rooster. And they also want to see an upset. Imagine if a rooster killed a lion. It would be very interesting to see an upset. Just accurate rooster pecking at its head. You see a snake swallowing something way bigger than him?

You're like, no, sir. Yeah. That's another thing I got banned for on Instagram, they told me. What what i did a episode of skeptic tank with this guy who used to do rooster fights went to one was a kid in puerto rico just the title of the thing like rooster fight night of the cockfights whatever and they were like uh promoting animal harm oh god oh boy my old gardener used to do it my also my old yeah my old gardener was bad i went to one and yeah he was the thing like man he lived in like there's parts of la where you go there yeah and it's mexico i mean they're all mexican immigrants and they they're all speaking spanish

and there's fucking roosters everywhere man it was crazy he had i'm not bullshitting like like a whole setup in his backyard where he had a ring where the roosters could fight in the ring i did not see the fights i saw him he got some roosters together for me to see to show me how they do it i didn't see like where they're all throwing money down and betting i kind of see i have a fucking false memory of like going by once and not going in i feel like I remember you telling me that I went but I didn't want to go in this yeah there's a it's a weird memory I think that was really those early days of my weed smoking too I'll trust anything oftentimes went over the edge I did not know how to like balance out my weed I would think things that I just get way too paranoid I

probably did not want to go there Oh more than a thousand cock fighting birds sir season la raid well thank God you're doing that not stopping all those get way too paranoid. I probably did not want to go there. Oh, more than a thousand cockfighting birds seized in LA Raid. Wow. Well, thank God you're doing that and not stopping all those smashing grabs. Right. This was three years ago. Whatever.

Come on, Jimmy. Fucking with my jokes. Dude, I went to two of them in East Timor. I went to one and then went back. Oh, really? It's so fun. They're all screaming out,

holding up dollars. Who wants to bet? Who wants to bet? I got white. I got red. And then you're just like, all right, let's go. And then they just like, they kind of toss them at each other a little bit just to hold them.

And then they get them riled up like, who the fuck is this coming at me? And then they let them go. They tie a razor blade to one claw. And then they fight each other and put the claws out and go like this. And they don't even know. They've got a fucking slasher on their hand now. And they're cutting each other off. And so, yeah.

And so then you don't even feel it. And so the next one's like, all right, let's go again. Let's go again. And one of them will just suddenly go like, I'm going to, let's go. It'll just fall over from the loss of blood. It'll just bleed out. Wow. And they're like, it's over.

And everyone changes money. It's so fun. Doesn't look brutal. Sometimes you barely see blood. The thing is, it's weird. Like, why doesn't that bother me? Why doesn't it? It bothers some people. But here's my thing. If it like why doesn't that bother me why doesn't it it bothers some people but here's my my thing if it was dogs it would bother me yeah i can't i don't want that

yeah i don't want to even see that yeah i i love dogs but i do know that some of those dogs that were raised to do that like pit bulls they're the best dogs. Some of the best dogs. The breeds. They are so loyal and so sweet and they love people. They do it because they almost fight because they want people's approval. They're trained to. They're trained to. They're engineered to. It's a strange dog. They're super intelligent, man.

Like Pit Bulls are really intelligent. They connect with you. They connect with you like they're your buddy in a weird way. Like it's an intensity that you don't get from a lot of other dogs. They look you in the eye and their head is the same size as yours. Yeah. And they're just like. And they're fucking sweet, man.

Like a good one that's raised well that's, you know, you have it since it was a puppy. They're so sweet to people. You just got to exercise it. Their reputation is back. Their reputation is there for a reason. No one's scared of pit bulls anymore. Oh, yes, they are. They should be, man.

They should be. They're an aggressive dog. If someone does a bad job training them, and they're accustomed to getting into fights, they can be real dangerous. Or if someone in their bloodline right above was like that. It was a rescued attack dog. Even if it's just in their next generation up.

Some hate kids. Some absolutely hate other dogs. Some hate kids. Some absolutely hate other dogs. Some hate postal people. They have no problem squabbling. That's the problem. They'll fight in the middle of nowhere. What? What, bitch?

And they'll just fucking knock over garbage cans and start going to war. They're ready to fight, like at a drop of a hat. And they're engineered that way. My dog is, we didn't teach her to, but is predisposed to just any chick and half the dudes on the street just going up to them and wagging her tail and then licking their hand. Everyone thinks they're special. Oh, that's cute. I'm like, she never does that for anybody. Oh.

Just everybody. What was my point about that, about dogs? That they're great. Oh, no, no, I know, I know. You would eat a rooster. You don't mind a rooster. Yeah, you don't want to see a dog fight. But it's weird.

Like, I don't, if like a fish kills a fish, it doesn't bother me at all. Not at all. If I see a monkey get eaten by a chimp, it freaks me out. Yeah. It looks too human-like. Yeah, we have favorites in the animal kingdom. And a little monkey, a cute little monkey getting eaten alive by a chimp. What is cow versus chicken?

Those are the two most common. Who would you rather see get killed who would you rather you know if he's like you have to see chicken doesn't bother me at all i'd rather see a chicken i've been around chickens and they they're little dinosaurs man they peck at your kids like my daughter she was two years old it was pecking at her feet and my wife was like i think it thinks her feet is food i go no it's trying to eat her right it's trying to eat her. This is a little dinosaur. It's taking a chance, seeing if it can eat you. And if it can't eat you, it's going to try to eat a bug or a fucking mouse. When I saw them with a mouse for the first time, I was like, this is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.

They're more aggressive than any cat. They just chase after that fucking mouse that they can't believe it's in there. And they're tearing it out of each other's mouths. chase after that fucking mouse that they can't believe it's in there, and they're tearing it out of each other's mouths. Like a room full of cats would be way more civilized if one of them caught a mouse than a room full of chickens. Chickens are wild. So that one, if they die, they don't give a fuck about you.

But a dog gives a fuck about you, and a cow kind of can give a fuck about you. Like when you see people have pet cows, and they have pet deer and shit, and the deer come right up to them and they eat out of their hands hands a chicken never does that like they don't have a connection with you like maybe they'll let you pick them up but like it's a robot that's a little a meat robot a little they're just a little meat robot they're like trying to eat worms and shit that's what they're doing they're fucking each

other up and they peck at each other oh a sick chicken will get pecked to death by the other ones it's called a pecking order they peck at each other though that's what the pecking order is all about whoa they have to establish who's the big bitch and the big bitch runs around fucks up all the other chickens did not know that yeah dude it's a weird world a bird look at that and that's no razors no there is a razor i see one's taped up no fucking rooster. And that's no razors. No, there is a razor. I see one's taped up. No, maybe not. No, no razors. That's just a feather, I think. Yeah, so now imagine a razor on the end of one of their claws, and they're coming right

trying to, like, slash them. Boom. It's weird. I mean, they're beautiful, though. It's not like that I don't think they're great looking. No razors on these. They're tied together on this one. Oh, yeah, they tied their feet together. Oh, my God. They're just letting them fuck each other up. That's even more ruthless. I saw a foot on this one. Oh, yeah. They tied their feet together. Oh, my God. They're just letting them fuck each other up. That's even more ruthless.

I saw a foot on the ground, just a chicken foot with a razor attached to it, just on the ground. So do you think that should be legal? Yeah. Do whatever you want. What the fuck do I care? That's your chicken. For real. No, for real.

Like, is it okay? Yeah. It's not in this country, but in other countries, it's like- I have no problem with it. Tony Henscliff. I have no problem. You can have two betta fish and not that. I get why you would like, but to me, it's not over that line.

Oh, look at that razor they put on. The Futumanu. Oh, my God. Look at the size of that thing. God, it's so sharp. Dude, I saw this guy. They have a booklet. Remember those old CD cases?

They have a booklet of razors, and and these guys they're about to fight their losers look through them ago not this one this guy pulled one out goes like this with a razor just not the shirts on the side shot girls this one and it's so fucking frightening and he cuts his own tongue no he just thought on the side just slides it oh my god mm-hmm oh They're wild. Oh, my God. They're fun. Yeah, you'd be okay with it, right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I don't think it's a good place for me to go at this stage of my career. Into a cockfight promotion trying to get legalized here? Well, I just don't think that that's the place where I should be hanging around. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not going to be the best conversations. It doesn't seem like I'm going to have the best conversations. So, how many chickens have you had?

So, when I went to go to my gardener's place, he had this whole setup. They had the whole ring and everything. It was in the backyard. It was either his house or his friend's house we went to that had the ring. But anyway, he had all these chicken cages and shit. And everybody had chickens. You could hear them in the background. You could hear them across the background. You could hear them across the street.

You could hear them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everywhere. Like the whole neighborhood. It was interesting, man. It was like I felt like They're not there going, what the fuck? This one had 7,000 birds taken from it. Oh my god.

Val Verde illegal cockfighting ring, bus largest in U.S. history, 2017. Who can't? Let him do it. I just don't see the problem with it. The Humane Society cares.

It's not unusual to hear birds start to vomit or regurgitate blood. Yeah, but don't go, Eric Sackatch. Where's the line outside of Kentucky Fried Chicken? It's like, what do you think?

I ain't losing any blood in that. But at least then we're using it for a good thing, which is food. You're allowed to use animals for food, not for pleasure. They eat the rooster. The winner gets to eat the rooster of the loser. That's how it is.

They go home with them. Do they? Yeah. For real. That's one of your rewards is you get to go home with a loser. I think the rooster, though, would be tough to eat. I think they'd probably be like real sinewy.

I saw a guy in that country eating parrots. I think they're going to take a chance on a rooster. He ate saw him like looking up in the trees and I'm like uh he doing it was like look for parrots I'm like why I'm like to kill them like what because yeah I eat them like have you gotten a lifts up his shirt for dead parrots hanging off his belt I mean they can't be good anything that we don't eat can't be good. You remember the one time that we had- So arrogant. We would eat it instantly. Yeah, we're the real kings of the jungle.

Oh my God. We would import whatever. Remember that time we had- We don't even live in the jungle. We're like the lions. We're fakers. True. Hold on.

What's the unicorn of the sea? A norwalk. A norwalk? Yeah, remember the time that we ate that? Where? In Iceland or something? Or Finland? No, no, no.

Someone gave us, it was an indigenous guy in Canada. If you're an indigenous guy in Canada, you're allowed to hunt a Norwall. And it's kind of creepy. Wow. So we sat down at this restaurant. We should probably not say the restaurant. No. The guy said, I'm going to bring you something over that's going to freak you out.

He's like, try this. This is Norwall. And we're like, what? Yeah. And by the way, not worth it. Really? It was one of the best meals of my life. However.

The meal was amazing, but the Norwall. It started. Not so good. And I almost think that they gave it to us first to make everything else taste a thousand times better. I don't think they gave it to us first. It was in the middle of stuff. He gave us a bunch of stuff.

It wasn't good. No, it wasn't good. Bland? Blubbery? What was it? One of those things where you're like, okay, this is an odd thing. Why does one eat this? And I don't think you're allowed to sell it either. I think it's one of those things

where someone can serve it to you. And if you're a native, you're allowed to hunt them. They call them first peoples, I think is that what they maybe what is the whatever what is their their term for Native American in Canada the flavor was indigenous it was like a homeless guy's foot I want to say it's like first people this is calling it and you it raw meat and fish. No, no, no. Maybe it's Inuit specific. No, no, but I'm asking for the thing about people that live in Canada. First Nations. That's it.

First Nations. So First Nations people, they can, you know, if they lived in that area where they traditionally hunted whales. They're still allowed. Yeah. I think you can hunt a lot of stuff that we can't hunt, like seals. Cool. I saw this Alaska show and there was a husband husband and wife team you can't tell me who

to root for and the wife had to uh shoot the seal when they when they were going to eat a seal the wife had to shoot it really she was uh yeah she was eskimo oh oh she had to be the one pulling the trigger she had to be the one pulling the trigger yeah he couldn't pull the trigger he's not allowed to um to shoot it which is kind that? That's the meat. Wow. How interesting looking. Harvested by Inuit family near Yellowknife, Northwest Territories.

I always see Yellowknife when you go to the airport in Canada and you see like taking off your Yellowknife. It's like, who the fuck goes to Yellowknife?

Where is that place? Has anyone ever done a show in Yellowknife? I don't know. I bet there's a lot of hunting up there. Canadians hunt their ass off. That's the meat.

Yep. That's what it looks like. Pass. Yep. Plus the guilt. You never get rid of the guilt. You ate a whale. You guys forgot about it until now.

Is that the cutest thing you've ever eaten? Puffin. Oh. In Iceland, I think, or Norway. What was that like? Good, fatty, and then orca. I eat puffin in Iceland I think or Norway what was that like good fatty and then orca

I think what some sort of whale whale burgers in what in Norway you ate a whale burger yeah

Jesus Christ it might have been orca but it was whale burger it's totally legal they have a lot of them they have a lot of whales no shortage no shortage out there

oh this is a troll he's trolling us no no no for real you're allowed to eat them they serve them in a restaurant it's on the menu I smelled No shortage out there. Oh, this is a troll. He's trolling us. No, no, no. For real. You're allowed to eat them. They serve them in a restaurant. It's on the menu. I smelled it. Jamie, this is the best thing about being a troll.

Sometimes you're telling the truth and people don't believe you. Whale burger sounds weird. It was okay. You sure this wasn't a wall burger? Does it say chain? Yeah, Marky Mark's place. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, people used to hunt whales all the time.

Look at that thing. Whale burger with fried lobster. That's crazy. Vegas. Oh, it's happening in Vegas. What? No, that's just a burger. They're calling it a whale.

That's just a bacon cheeseburger, bro. No, $100 whale burger with fried lobster, wagyu, and beef. That whale burger, that is not whale. Well, why would you call it a whale burger? A whale of a burger? It says Vegas. So?

It's Vegas. Click on that. Where's the whale? This place is also in Pasadena. They make the 50-50s, the bacon, ground beef bacon burger they make. Right, but why are they calling it 100% whale burger? It might be the size of the whale. Click on it or something.

Yeah, it's the size of the burger. They're just calling it a whale. It's the size of the burger. Yeah, look, it a whale. Yeah, it's the size of the burger. Yeah, look, it's just a cheeseburger, then it's got bacon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else is on it? Lobster? Oh, it's right there.

What's that top thing on it? Wagyu beef. That's bacon. Lobster, lobster. Is it? Oh, the top, top thing. Yeah, the top, top thing. One pound of Wagyu beef.

Right. Gold dusted billionaire's bacon. Billionaire bacon. Fried lobster tail. That's it. So that white stuff is the lobster tail. Look up Norway whale burger. Gold dusted billionaire's bacon. Billionaire bacon. Fried lobster tail. That's it. So that white stuff is the lobster tail. Look up Norway whale burger. Okay, but that's better.

That is better. That's great. I mean, always order that one, but for one time, order the other one. There also is comedy in Yellow Knife. Yellow Knife? Oh, really? There's a lot of comedy shows. I don't know how big it was, but there's comedy shows.

I might have been there once, man. I never went with you. Maybe. Where's that one place we performed in that hockey arena that one time? Oh, that was fun. Saskatoon? I forget. Did we do that? Did you do that with us? It was Brian Callen. Callen did? The hockey rink?

Yeah, that one was the worst sound ever. Norway's whale meat industry has gone to the dogs. What? What does that mean? What does it got? Like hay on it and shit? What the fuck's going on there? Seasoning. Weird.

That's not seasoning, is it? It's dirt. That looks like grass. Just fucking hay. Yeah. That's like someone dropped it before they took the photo

and they were too lazy to pick all the hay off of it. That's whale meat? No. Is that real? Where can I eat whale meat in Norway? Imagine if you're one of those creeps that just wants to eat things that are exotic or endangered.

There's a whole group of people that do that. Do you know that? I'm one of them. I just don't enter it. There was a guy who told me he had to go to a foreign country. I don't want to say which one because I don't know where it would be. Well, you could do whatever you want there. It's not a matter of whether or not it's legal.

It's like he'd get away with it. And there was a menu. And all like very wealthy people would go to this place And there was this they would have this like annual dinner where they would cook things like tiger and chimpanzee and like Wild shit they cook all illegal stuff all stuff that you you can't buy anywhere else things They're like rhino they would serve rhino. Oh, yeah, my buddy ate buy anywhere else things that like rhino they would serve rhino wow yeah my buddy ate monkey meat i don't know it was india or china i feel like it was china and they take they take monkey brain they take the monkey tie him down live oh jesus shoot him so they fucking get paralyzed and still your friend at the temple of doom and they cut their fucking head open while they're

still alive and it bleeds out of the brain. What? Yeah. That's real? Oh. Oh my God. Oh my God. Look at that block. It says fiction. It says fiction. Oh, the monkey brain scene in Faces of Death.

That's what that was. So your friend actually saw this happen? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Go back one, Jamie. Where were you just before? I was looking at a different image. Look at the pile of brains in the corner.

The lower left-hand corner. They're frying them up? Is that a pile of monkey brains? God damn. Depends how big that pot is. Nine weird and interesting foods you'll find in China. Are they really eating monkey brains? Yeah.

But wouldn't you think that that would be dangerous? Monkey brains. Oh, my God, that's a bowl of monkey brains. That's part of the brains of a species. Wow. Monkey brains is a dish consisting of at least partially the brains of some species of monkey or ape. However, this is a very rare dish that is considered extremely cruel by the vast majority of the Chinese. Someone sounds woke.

Monkey brains have traditionally been eaten in parts of China and Southeast Asia because people believe they will be imbued with ancient wisdom. When I actually talked to a guy in East Timor, he goes, we ate them as a kid and now nobody kind of eats them anymore. Monkey brains.

Studies are out or whatever. David Cho know the artist he went with the hadza he went hunting and they hunted baboons and they hunt and kill baboons because apparently the area that they're at um where they hunt at has been so cleared out of animals that they they've taken to like they primarily hunt these primates, and they hunt fucking baboons. Guns? Bows and arrows. Whoa.

He says it's wild. He said when the baboon got hit with the arrow, he grabs it like a person. Whoa. He's trying to pull it out of them. Wow. Oof. Jeez. Because baboons are a weird thing. They're like if a monkey fucked a dog, right?

They have these long faces and giant ass fucking teeth and baboons have steal people's babies what's the one that ate those people's eyeballs out in the captivity there was chimps they're all fucking stay away but baboons are they'll steal your baby and eat it for sure chimps will too yeah can you imagine losing your baby to a fucking chimp oh my god seeing it about to get on there. And you're like, and they wouldn't even eat it out of your view. They would just huddle up and just hunch over it in the middle of the park.

And you'd be screaming while the scene. They look and should make sure you don't get too close. Eat your kid head first. Whoa. Yeah. And then if you fucking run up on them, they'll either beat the shit out of you or they'll just climb a tree and eat your kid in the tree. That'd be a tough one to fucking deal with. they'll beat the shit out of you, or they'll just climb a tree and eat your kid in the tree. Whoa.

That'd be a tough one to fucking deal with. That's a therapy moment for sure. Nature's so ruthless, man. And imagine what they would be saying about us if they could talk. Like, these assholes. They just shoot people for purses. Yeah.

They eat everything that they want. Just for the shoes? You already have shoes on. Why would you shoot that guy for shoes? Yeah, I just got new ostrich cowboy boots. I'm not wearing them right now, but I got to tell you. It'll work. I never knew it would happen, but ostrich, it's fun to wear.

Ostrich is a weird animal, too. Ostrich is good. Because it's basically a giant chicken. They're mean little fuckers. They'll peck at you. Smash at you with their neck. They can kick the shit out of you, too. Those big ass legs will fuck you up.

That's why I wear them as boots is because I was trying to help the environment or something like that. Yeah, man. That almost went up my head. You bailed on that. No, I heard it. Oh, no. Look at that thing. Yep.

Wow. What a mean face God damn Right If you saw that Like if you went to sleep And you woke up And that was looking at you

Like ah That one's cute No that one's about to eat you No the one The one in the lower corner Yeah Yeah that one right there No the one that you

No no The one you just That one That one's right about to Bite your fucking nose off It looks cute For half a second Yeah I was gonna say It looks like it smoked One of those snoop blunts We had last night one you just had the question that one's right about to bite your fucking nose off it looks cute for a second yeah i was gonna say it looks like it smoked one of those snoop blunts we had last night it looks like one of those birds from madagascar if an ostrich attacks you how do you

think you respond look at that thing that's so mean look at the eyes on that thing that thing doesn't give a fuck about you right look at his at his eyes. If an ostrich goes after you, what do you think your move is, Ari? I guess there's an ancient prayer you say in Hebrew, Hear, O Israel, I am the Lord, I am your God. And if you say that, you go straight to heaven. Oh, you have to say that while the ostrich is kicking you to death? Yeah, right before. Yeah, say it quick.

You're gone. You're a wrestler. Yeah. How would you, if an ostrich comes at you? How tall of an ostrich? Taller than you. Taller than me? Well, their neck will be taller than you, if an ostrich comes at you? How tall of an ostrich? Taller than you. Taller than me? Well, their neck will be taller than you, but their body won't be.

The thing you have to worry about is the legs. I'm going to keep my hands up, and I'm going to shoot low, double leg takedown. Go forward. Drive through. Yep, drive through. It's sort of Khabib. Put my legs under his, get full mount, and then beat the shit out of it. That would be my approach.

So you would beat the shit out of it with you. What approach so you would be with you what oh my god the guys riding and ostrich Tony I want you to reconsider yeah no I know that I'm seeing what it's actually no that looks like he is the ostrich like his legs go to the Jamie go to the one in the girl go to the one in the middle up there with the red yeah look at the legs on that. Jamie, you ain't doing jack shit to those legs. Tony said it. Don't put me on that argument.

I'm changing my mind. I'm going to go under. I'm going to get under and fucking choke it. I'm going to jump up like Oliveira. I'm going to get full jump on it and choke it.'re gonna take it's back it's gonna bite you you're gonna get a choke he's got so much neck he's gonna still bite you he's got

so much neck he's in trouble dude he's in big trouble that's all the question is can you choke that it almost looks like it's like a palm tree or something i think i think i would be inclined to not rear naked choke but instead to Kimura his neck. Right. This is what I think I'm doing. Yeah. I take the back and then I wrap my arm around his neck thusly. Right.

And get in here and I connect it to my forearm. So I have one hand on the base of his neck. I have my full arm wrapped around his forearm and I figure out a way to snap his fucking neck. Yeah. That's what I think. I think quick. And I don't think I can because honestly it's hard it's hard to strangle a chicken look at that thing fucking that dude up oh he's he's trying to wrangle it it's gotta fuck it oh my god I don't know that thing's beating his ass he's got a rope around her he had oh now they all turn to the guy Tony that thing is gonna beat your ass I don't think so

this is what you said about that is what you said about David Lucas a couple weeks ago. Let's leave poor David Lucas out of this. We can't do that to him on this podcast. Yes, we can. It's too sad. He wanted it. David Lucas fell apart wrestling Tony. David Lucas is 300 pounds. Tony weighs 48 pounds.

Tony Hinchcliffe out-wrestled David Lucas. Hey, buddy, this is a good idea. Oh, this guy climbed the fence Oh was he think he's gonna do just push now he knows it's kind of fucked yeah he's just trying to move away and the options like not today bitch today how does it approach does it bite what's it gonna do does it bite come on dude come on just walk away please please walk away oh my god kicks kickin oh yeah he's gonna fucking scratch you up he's gonna He's like, come on, dude. Come on, just walk away, please. Please walk away. Oh, my God. Oh, kicks. Kicking. They probably got claws, too, right?

Yeah. Yeah, he's going to fucking get one. They can scratch you up. He's going to get one. Uh-oh. Ron. You're not going to get over, dude. Oh, shit.

Yeah, but you're getting over, because he's just going to peck at you. Oh, you don't want to get caught on that fence. They don't have much force on their beak. You've got to worry about their legs. This fucking idiot. Cool guy. Jackass is out in February. I guarantee he's going to pay to see

you do comedy. That's one of your fucking core audience members. He'd be like fuck them dude I loved your tweets. I was his gang

friends. I was the guy who asked you to pee on me. I asked you to pee on me. Fucking dorks. Please follow at RIP Ari Shafir. That's aggressive.

You hit it with a ruler? Is that a stick? This is a wiki how on how to survive. How to survive in Austrian tennis. Hard. Hit it in the neck. Swing away. Is that what you're supposed to do? I mean.

Yeah, you got to KO him or Kimura the neck. I think I could Kimura that neck. Find a video of somebody Kimura-ing the neck, please. I think I could. Oh. Go for the legs. Oh, go for the legs. I like that idea, too.

Star Wars-like. Good luck. Yeah. Good luck. You're not going to hurt that thing. What does it say? When you're 100 meters away? Hide.

That's smart. That's what I do. For sure. Three ways to survive an ostrich encounter or attack Okay, I think you need a knife All right, you're fighting it. He's a long weapon. Mmm use your penis extender If you dive in with a knife you're cutting the neck first, right? You got a lot you want to cut right where the dark?

But also counterpoint don't you wanna go to the body where you know? You'd be more likely to hit it? If you had a gun and need to use it, aim for the ostrich's main body to better ensure hitting your target. Boom. Although they will be attacking with their legs and or beak, their legs and neck are very thin and easy to miss.

Wow. Ostriches can kick hard enough to kill a lion, that said. What? Yeah, I've heard that. What? Where? Right in the... Oh, I see right here. Second sound. Oh, no. Jamie, I've heard that what we're right in the second sound oh no Jamie keep out of reach of the legs as you can since ostriches can kick hard enough to kill a

lion rough episode for lions fucking big chickens now we had such an elevated opinion of them yeah you know dashed after today's know what my favorite lion story was? Remember when Cecil the lion got killed by that guy? This is one of the first things that make me understand internet rage. And then they found out after Cecil that Cecil's brother, Jericho, might have already gotten shot as well. And they were so sad. And then they came out with a new story that said, good news. The lion that got shot was not Jericho.

So it wasn't Cecil's brother. As if they're naming these fucking lions and making them. As if they have any memory of like, yeah, me and my brother play ball every Thursday. Characters in a movie. Like one lion has more power over the other lion in our hearts. It's still a dead lion, but it's like, we don't have a name. It's fine. We don't have a name.

People are so fucking funny. Dive into a thorn bush. Opt for getting pricked by thorns instead of being disemboweled by the ostrich's razor-sharp talons. Never going to happen. If no other hiding spots are available, jump straight into a thorn bush. Wait for the ostrich to leave before climbing out. Well, obviously on the last part. Expect the ostrich to refrain from picking its head after you in order to protect its large eyes.

Okay. Oh, my God. Lie on the ground. Resist the urge to run for cover or elevation. If it's too far away, instead, play dead. This is why you need a knife. Oh, my God. Always.

You need a knife and a good rear naked choke. Has anybody ever taken the back of an ostrich? Oh, we got to find it. What happened to justmeat.com when you need it? Yeah, people are now telling me because I'm an old man that LiveLeak is no longer around. Stop saying it's not around anymore. Is that true? I don't know.

LiveLeak was the last place to put videos where they were like, you can do whatever you want here. Yeah, anything. World Star? We need that back. Is World Star still buck wilds. There's yeah still crazy. They did shut down the McDonald's the main McDonald's from Worldstar I know the Comedy Cellar World star shut it down. No McDonald's shut it down. Why I think too many bad videos really yeah It was like every Saturday. There's like five world star videos there Wow

people got hurt up That's a problem with social media too. People want to do things like stunts so people will see them. So they'll do wild stunts. That happened by the cellar? Yeah. That's the kind of stuff that happens on 6th Street all the time. Geography comic taking over the reins from Brody as the geography comic.

Yes. 6th Street. 818. Enjoy it. Red River. Should wrap this up because it's boring. It was a fun fucking stopover. Glad I ran into you last night. That was fun.

Yeah. The show was already over. I was like, ah, fuck. Came over here. Timing. Missed him. Perfect. The show was over and I was hanging out in the green room for another hour. Yeah. So you are headed to San Antonio? San Antonio now. Yeah. I'll be in.

What is it called? The club club? LOL. LOL San Antonio. What else are you doing? Let's see. I got Cleveland and Phoenix in January. I got Denver and maybe Vancouver in February. Is it AriTheGreat.com still? AriShafeer.com. AriThe Cleveland and Phoenix in January. I got Denver and maybe probably Vancouver in February.

Is it AriTheGreat.com still? AriShafeer.com, AriTheGreat.com, yeah. Why don't you make AriTheGreat your new Twitter handle? Maybe. That's not a bad idea. Not Twitter. I'm done with Twitter. Instagram.

Come on, man. Try to get it canceled 100 times. Twitter is just as cool. Okay, all your shit is up on your website, AriTheGreat.com. That should be your Twitter handle. Or try a new Instagram. Maybe we can get people to go there. I'll try AriTheGreat.com. That should be your Twitter handle. Or try a new Instagram. Maybe we can get people to go there. I'll try AriTheGreat.com.

How many followers did you have? 450,000. Well, you're never going to get those back. I just fucking lost like a third of my salary for the year. There's no way to promote shit. Do you think your agency will, maybe they can make an exception where they let you go this time.

Maybe. They said they just went on Christmas break, so I was like, there's not even anyone to contact until January. Like, all right. So in January, they'll contact people. And then maybe, who knows? Well. Fuck.

Whatever. You're better off for it. I wish there was a place where you could go that's not censored like that. You could just do whatever you want. Yeah. Or it should be a setting you should set if you want to avoid all this stuff. But isn't it funny that the way they've set it up now, whether it's by accident or whether it's by design,

is everywhere you go that's not Twitter, it gets immediately co-opted by right-wing people because they don't have a place to go where they can get buck wild. Oh, right. They don't have a place they can go where they can post a bunch of Joe Biden memes and talk wild shit and talk about storming the capital again yeah you know yeah what was it they banned the car racing term because they that newscaster

misunderstood what car racing they were all screaming what russell brandon no let's go brandon let's go brandon Let's go Brandon, yeah. Because they're all saying, fuck Joe Biden. And the old, really nice guy, broadcaster was interviewing him. He was like, oh, they're saying let's go Brandon. I think it was a girl. Oh, really? Wasn't it a girl that was interviewing?

Yeah, it was a girl. She just didn't know? No. Dude, she was trying to pretend. They were saying, fuck Joe Biden. Does that sound like, let's go? She's like, they're saying, let's go Brandon. I think she was trying to cover.

And then everyone started co-opting. It was like, hey, that's my way of saying fuck Joe Biden. We all know the code. And then Twitter was like, nah, not even that. Unless she had earphones on. If she had, like, monitors in her ear and couldn't hear that good, maybe it was an honest mistake. Let's hear it.

Win. Didn't look too rusty on those burnouts brandon must be practicing somewhere yeah i mean y'all could ask like my neighbors back at coastal carolina that uh i did plenty of burnouts uh to practice for this moment um oh my god this is a dream come true wow caledonico winner in the next oh my god dad we did it let's go Oh my God, dad, we did it. Let's go. Nice.

You told me before this race that if you were to win, it would be incredible. How does the reality of this moment live up to the dream? Oh my God. This is just everything we've hoped and dreamed for. This is everything I've ever wanted to do is take the trophy home to mom and dad and oh my god thank you so much larry's lemonade thank you so much trade the chain thank you so much jabs construction thank you mid-atlantic thank you to all of our partners oh my god it's just such an unbelievable moment brandon you also told me as you can hear the chants from the crowd, let's go Brandon. Brandon, you told me you were going to kind of hang back those first two stages and just watch and learn.

What did you learn that helped you there in those closing laps? Oh my God, it was learning how each line didn't stay to one and everything shifted top to bottom so much that it was kind of like, okay, let's just stay patient around. This is the most absurd video. We just answer these questions if they're not screaming, fuck Joe Biden in the background. He's lost in it. He's just talking about the lines he was

cutting as he was racing. And then the right wing people said, let's just use that as code. Right. And they start going, let's go Brandon as their way of saying you know what i'm actually saying and twitter's like nah i know what you're doing you can't say that's all twitter banning let's go brandon didn't they take it down i heard that why don't you post let's go brandon we'll sit and watch like this watch it should blow up well right from what i understand they just said that if you tweet that you can spread COVID with the vaccine,

which is a fact that everyone admits and knows they can ban you for that too, I think happened yesterday with people. Yeah, I don't know what that is. I did read that, but I didn't look into it, so I don't want to jump to conclusions because oftentimes people look into something and then sort of exaggerate what it actually said. But what they were trying to say is they'll punish people who post that you can spread COVID while vaccinated, which you definitely can. So that doesn't make sense. Because they're saying that slows down the vaccination rate.

So like we'll decide like you can't know this truth. Yeah. I think that's more likely what they're trying to say. No, Facebook isn't changing policies to ban. Let's go brand new. Oh, so Facebook's not doing that? We're talking about Twitter, though, Jimmy. I know, but this is the only thing that came up that said no one was being banned.

No one is? Debunked. So Facebook won't either? Yeah. So good. Well, this is bad. Well, that's good. No, you know how I know because I saw someone's post the other day on Twitter and it said, let's go, Brandon. They probably won't let the hashtag go anymore. They stopped certain hashtags. Because it overwhelms. They stopped all the Justin Bieber hashtags.

Nothing. They were just like, it's all the hashtags. We're not doing it. You know, hashtag fuck you is banned from Instagram. Really? Yeah, I tried to write hashtag fuck you. Oh, wow. And what happened?

What came up? It wouldn't do it. It wouldn't do it. And then I made a post about how hashtag fuck you is banned. Because it was about the single bullet theory. I was making a post about, because I was having a conversation with was about the single bullet theory. I was making a post about, because I was having a conversation with someone on the JFK assassination,

and I wrote hashtag fuck you at the end of it. Because they declined to release all the documents. You know, they had a chance to release documents from 1963 about Kennedy's assassination, and they decided to not release them to the general public. Like, why? Why? Why won't you tell us what the fuck happened from 1963 do you have evidence that would piss everybody off like

what is it and so then i fuck you as a way to express yourself i posted about the single bullet theory about how stupid the theory is they found this bullet in connelly's gurney that went through two guys just mysteriously wound up in a semi-pristine state on a gurney just by accident. Get the fuck out of here. It's such an offensively stupid theory, that single bullet theory. And they only did it because they had to. They had to come up with a bullet. They did.

They sold it to everybody. That's a part of the Oliver Stone documentary, the new documentary on JFK. It's heavy, man. It's really interesting. That same shit, they're like Stone documentary, the new documentary on JFK. It's heavy, man. It's really interesting. That same shit, they're like, no, what do you mean? And it's like, obviously, it's the same thing with Nancy Pelosi. It's like, no, I don't share that information with my husband. Why would I?

He just happened to make a lot of money in this thing that only I knew about. We should totally be allowed to participate. Like, what? I made so many people mad when your deal came up, your Spotify deal. And I was like, yeah, he told me about it before it went public. And I mean, I put like 10, 20 grand into the stock market. I skirted by it. People were like, that's clear insider trading.

Reported, reported. That's hilarious. So that would be insider trading. For sure. Isn't that wild? Yeah, for sure. Using information. Like, I know a player's hurt.

Oh, let me bet against that team. What if I gambled on Spotify would that be insider information if I'm a part of it if it's about me you have to get stock options right so that would increase

I think you would have supposed to wait for the announcement so it's fair for everyone I think that's the that's the rule yeah it's gotta be fair so if I started negotiating

with them like six months ago before I started and then I started buying stock what about that that's the thing so you'd have to wait

for the announcement I would say your lawyer would be like don't do that to buy it I thing. So you'd have to wait for the announcement to buy it. I believe. See, that brings me back to the Pete Rose thing. I think it's okay to bet on yourself. Yeah, I think so too. I'm going to increase the stock at this place.

Yeah. But I could see how that would be. That's insider trading. But when I uploaded my podcast to Spotify, it didn't do anything to the stocks. No. So if I was like, I'm going to bet on myself to change the stock, even if I told them, to Spotify, like it didn't do anything to the stocks. No. So if I was like, I'm going to bet on myself to change the stock,

even if I told them, they'd be like, no, that's not insider trading. You're just guessing if you're going to do that. Same as you. Yeah. Not really. You knew it would help them.

Yeah. That was the whole plan. That's probably why they gave you a bunch of money. That's why they gave me the money. They don't like me. Makes sense. They don't care. You mean it's all about business?

The head guy likes me. I like him too. He's great. Yeah, it's business, man. Yeah. But this is the only time where the left is actively calling for people to be removed because they're saying things you don't like. It is wild.

It's like, it's not for you then. But can I just talk to my friends? Well, there's some people that think you shouldn't be allowed to say things they disagree with. And it's a thing that they say without thinking too deeply about it. And they say because other people around them say it as well. And that's one of the reasons why people are so excited about deplatforming because with some people it works. Cool. They're gone now.

Yeah. Like Milo. Milo is a great example. They removed him from the conversation. He was always in the conversation he was always in the conversation he was always saying outrageous things he wasn't going to anyone's account and spamming it or anything like that he was just like saying shit on his own he just happened to be right wing and they didn't like it and they didn't like that his right wing and that

he was a gay guy because then you give a little bit of leeway he was one of the first ones like can we turn on a gay and then it it was like, yeah, finally, yes. If you were an unscrupulous politician, do you think that you would pretend to be gay so that you could fit right into the woke moment and perhaps maybe even be president? The only question I have is, what do you mean by unscrupulous? For sure, I would do that. Would you do it to be mayor? Yeah.

If it's all retarded anyway, then yeah, I'm going to fucking join in. I'll use it. But I mean, if you were- Yes, mayor, senator, anything. Of course. Of course. You're saying only mayor. In this day.

Well, yeah, only mayor. Yeah, for sure. What if it's mayor of a small town? If I want the office, yes, for sure. Why not? If it doesn't matter, we judge people based on who they are and not their fucking- That's not true. Then I'll say I'm this

That's not true No I mean A lot of people I mean us Like people Yeah we do The three of us We do

We're like I don't care So I'm like What does it matter But my point is There's some social clout To being a part Like if you want Like

Villagrosa changed his name Same shit right Yes It's like you're The Heisman changed his name To get a fucking Heisman Well Villagrosa Was Villar

Right And then he married a lady And they combined their two names and that was Villa La Grossa that's not as bad same with Beto O'Rourke what was he his name's not Beto it's like Robert or something well the craziest one is Bill de Blasio the mayor of New York City that's not his name what is his name oh it's like Wilhelm or something like that what is his name hmm it's a crazy yeah you said it last time I was here yeah it's a crazy name when you go what yeah Beto made his Beto said the Mexican people in Texas would vote for him really yeah it's Beto what does that

mean O'Rourke is Irish Beto is Warren Wilhelm jr. Wilhelm Wow Bill de Blasio Warren Wilhelm j jr what that sounds like a guy at the number he changed everything about his name hate speech he changed everything about his name wow like everything i'm just bill de blasio yeah there was a while i bet where if you had a name like that it could be a problem right like during the post-world war two times yeah when you know people were still had a name like that it could be a problem right like during the post-world war two times yeah when you know people were still had a fear of nazis yeah wilhelm the way yeah that's a that's a heavy german name yeah we changed our name after the war it's very german used to be

oh you ever thought about going back to that just to fuck up your career not bad not bad i am prone to doing things like that you had a german sounding last name yeah wow wow that's wild yeah a lot of italians did that they shortened their names they they made it more digestible a lot of people did that i didn't think they thought it was a big deal to switch your name around a little bit what was your name spitzer spitzer yeah spitzer spitzer always took you as more of a schwallower. He can't help himself. I didn't see it coming that time either.

You never see it coming. The kid's an ace. Aldo. Aldo to Mike Conner. Yeah, but changing your whole name like that, that's wild. Yeah. I mean, just like, and you're saying, oh yeah, the system is this dumb and I'm gonna join in with it that I'll change my name and has anything to do with my policies Well names could be an impediment. Yeah, if you got a funky name, what the Goldberg

That's a good name. That's a good change into that. Yeah, Goldberg. What's Tony Hinchcliffe's a lie name? No. Yeah, that's a real name Yeah, it's a fitting in Hollywood back there. Oh, come on. What's her real name? I don't know. Fucking... That's wild. Is that cultural appropriation? Karen Johnson. Oh, no way. She's a Karen? She's a Karen.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's the number one black Karen. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Wow. Whoopi Goldberg and she was getting into

What run profession It was probably Mitzi that made her do it too Oh it could be you're right I'll bet you anything You should say you're Whoopi Wow Mitzi used to do that to everybody Did she have that kind of influence on Whoopi's career Early on

She gets her two years into comedy I'll take your word for it. I don't know. Dave Tyree, remember? He was Dave Tyre, but no one could pronounce it. Really? One E at the end,

so people kept saying Tyre, so he was like, let me just throw another E so you can pronounce it right. Oh, wow. Love that old guy. What happened to him? I don't know.

I remember when Jamie Massada used to give guys advice. She told my friend he should be Generation X guy. You should be Generation X guy, buddy. This is you when you go on stage. This is you now. You're doing it. You're doing it. You know what he told me

in my first year? I loved it. What? You ready for this shit? He said I should start dressing like a cowboy and wear a cowboy hat. What? I swear to God. So you could be like Woody from Toy Story. And I spent the first 14 years of my career thinking it's the stupidest shit I ever heard and the last year living it up. Thanks, James.

A lot of times, I mean, he's got to get some good advice out there. Like, has he ever given anybody good advice that they went with and it turned out to be a good move? I never heard of one. It has to be. When you're around comedy that much. Mitzi gave me tons of good advice but what did she say to you that was good advice to hyper when i was an open miker it's like you shouldn't hype yourself up that much um stop doing open mics you're getting bad habits oh we were just talking about this just talking about something they're great but at some point it's like i'm only entertaining the most jaded

people in the world right yeah well there's also a bit of a defense mechanism where you'll say things just to make the comics laugh like in fact Oh, cuz that is your oh yeah, yeah, yeah a real in-depth talk last night one of my yeah Yeah, favorite young comedians about that because he's a hustler, but he's hustling the wrong direction Occasionally finds himself in front front of two people in the audience and they're both comics. Those are not good. And then you train that way. The way you clearly come out of the Boston bar scene,

it's like they're coming out of that. You've got to get away from it. But I was like, well, when does it get up? That's the only place they get up. And you take a few months of less spots and then your body will make you find the good spots. It's amazing that an art form that is so well regarded, where people love to go see it and whenever a big comic has a special, he'll make you find the good spot. Yep. It's amazing that an art form that is so well regarded, right?

Where people love to go see it and they, you know, whenever a big comic has a special, it's always a big deal. And yet there's no like real structure on how someone develops, you know? We were talking the other day on the road about how, when I found out that open mics were like free and that you could just get,

go sign up and get better. And like, you didn't have to pay anything. It didn't make any sense. Comparing it to college to comparing it to anything. Yeah. Uh, you could get better at something for free.

Yeah. Uh, anyway, if you're on comic and listening, I don't, I don't remember what I said anymore, but there's a video online of me talking to pretty much like one and two year comics giving advice. I would think some of it would still hold up. I don't remember anymore. you did that in Tem's a video online of me talking to pretty much like one and two year comics giving advice.

I would think some of it would still hold up. I don't remember anymore. Yeah, you did that in Tempe, right? No, at the comedy store. You did it in Tempe too, though. You did it maybe non-filmed. You did it a couple of places. Maybe a class came by and said, do you want to talk to them?

I was like, okay. Yeah, what you did was you said you were going to, you did it a couple of times and I thought it was really smart because you basically answered like, how do you get a manager? How do you go on the road? Yeah. It's so unclear when you start. You're like, I don't know about any of this. Well, I was thinking that like, everybody does it very differently.

You can't teach a person who does it, say like Judah Freelander's style, to start doing it like William Montgomery, right? They both have totally different styles and one's an absurdist in one way and one's an absurdist in another way. But there's some universal truths. So that's what you tell them.

It's like, develop whatever jokes you want, but hey, these are your friends. Don't forget to make friends with your friends. Yeah. They'll help you out. Shit like that. Yeah, how to do your taxes and to duck stuff. There's way more of that friend stuff now

than there ever has been before. Everybody was rivals back then. Yeah, now it's great. Now it's way better. We're not trying to get any like roles for the most part so it's just like hey do you want to come to my podcast i'll promote you and you'll get better off and then my podcast will be better because you're here i feel like this is really like genuinely the only time where a large group of comics are completely independent independent how great completely independent and mainstream

at the same time so mainstream in the numbers that they hit but like complete like Tom and cigar Tom cigar and Christina Pazinski. I did your mom's house live Yeah, and I was like this is crazy like this is the craziest thing and wasn't doing on the internet They do a pay-per-view the things you see are fucking horrific and disgusting and insane and hilarious and And the two of them are hilarious. And I, and I go, this is a genius thing to do.

You find videos that literally you can't get anywhere else. Like if you get it, and he curates it. Couldn't put it up on any platform. No chance. Has to be pay-per-view. No chance. What a smart,

great idea. Has to be pay-per-view. And you watch and you're like, what in the fuck, A guy stuck a peg in his ass and they they played carnival-style ring toss onto the fucking peg. That's nothing. Shit eating is what gets me.

Oh, no. When people start eating shit, I just... Oh, wow. Just something. I had to turn away three or four times. Oh, my God. That's great. Watching a live thing.

I can't watch people eat shit. I don't know why. Just for one other thing, Baby Bird was close to that. Baby Bird was close. Baby Bird was close. Everyone eating their own vomit. Yeah. Really? In a small room. That Bird was close to that. Baby Bird was close. Baby Bird was close. Everyone eating their own vomit. Yeah. Really?

In a small room. That was king of radio series. Vomiting in a guy's mouth. By the end. First it was started vomiting. Gross, gross, gross. Then somebody vomited into his Froot Loops and ate up his Froot Loops. Yeah, with vomit in it.

But then the vomiting all over his mouth at the end. When Pat Fumunaki vomited gallons of gallons of gallons of eggnog in this guy's face and mouth. You've never seen it? No. Oh my God, prepare yourself. Who's in the room? It's me, Joe Rogan, Bill Burr, Voss, I think.

Yeah. And Opie Anthony Norton. Yeah. It was an epic crowd of people. And this kid, Pat Duffy, who's a fucking savage. Savage. Savage. Legend.

He would eat dog shit that he would found on the ground that was dried up for a joke. So here is Pat Fumunaku at the end of the eggnog challenge he's done and he's eating like quarts. The guy in the bottom was like if you give me a job as an intern I will let him. Pat how are you?

He's lying there with his and this was my idea by the way this is why I was hosting Fear Factor. I was like, how about this? We have this guy lean his head off the edge of the garbage can, and Pat Fromunaki throws up in his mouth. He's diabetic, Pat Fromunaki. He just drank 100 cups of eggnog.

So he has to throw it up or he'll die. I got mine done. Wasn't that crazy? It's so crazy, too. And he's an enormous fella. So Pat is standing over 74 shots of eggnog.

He's getting another one. He's about to bust. So he fills up again. These are the good old days. By the way, this was this show, doing this show was one of the main reasons why I wound up doing stand-up. This was FM too.

Excuse me. I'm glad I was doing a podcast. These were the good radio shows. This was FM. This wasn't even the serious part. I think you're right. Okay, here it goes.

No, no, no, no. You ain't seen shit. That's just the first burst. He's got like eight or nine more rounds in him. Waiting for this? No, no, no. It gets worse. It gets worse. It's cartoon It's cartoonish

And the final burst One more I One more? I think he's got one more in him. Oh, he's covered. He looks like a mummy. One more. Wow. It's impossible.

It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. He might have one more. He's got the biggest one. No way. No way.

Oh, my God. Now, who named it a baby bird? It was not you. You got credit for it and said that wasn't me. It might have been Burr. It might have been Burr. It was Burr or it sounds like a Burr thing. It might have been Voss.

Like a baby bird? Yeah. All right. We can't top that. Oh, my God. You can find that. It's still available on YouTube for some strange reason. They took it down that night.

It's not on YouTube, actually. It's not on YouTube. There's a version of it, but that reason. They took it down that night. It's not on YouTube, actually. It's not on YouTube? There's a version of it, but that's not the one I'm following. Look at the phone quality of that. Yeah. Whose phone was it? It was a fucking flip phone. Whoever it was, I don't know. Who was filming it?

Was it me? Might have been you. You probably had the best technology then. Actually, it looks like it's on a tripod or something. No. It's pretty still. Yeah. It's not moving at all. You're right, it is. That's just how bad. Maybe it was a webcam. That's how long ago it was. It could have been a No. It's pretty still. Yeah. It's not moving at all. You're right, it is. That's just how bad.

Maybe it was a webcam. That's how long ago it was. It could have been a webcam. It might have been a webcam. They had to bring it in for this. There was multiple versions. Oh, this is a PalTalk cap version. Oh, PalTalk.

Remember PalTalk? PalTalk? PalTalk was the thing that only those guys used back then for the radio show. They were the kings. They were the kings. And they did it because you had to use Windows, too. I remember that. Oh, yeah.

You couldn't get it on a Mac. but um but no one but there's versions of it from someone's phone too yeah that's why there's a couple different so there's this one too but i don't it was like not playing it was showing more of it and maybe this is clear but it keeps stopping the video like it picks up yeah see this is a different angle they cut it ew come on he opened his mouth yeah this might be me I'm pretty sure I had a video

of it back then and I think I had oh my god okay oh my god okay yeah cause that looked better

than the pal talk version which is like a webcam. Webcams back then were pretty shit. Wow. When was that? I don't know. Oh my, 2006.

2006? Oh shit, sorry, sorry. I was going to guess. Yeah, it said it from the side. I was going to say 2005. I know, I heard you. I was going to say 2005. God, that was fucking great.

It was epic. I really felt like I was a belonging comic being there for that. What a fucking fun time. Well, that's one of the things that Opie and Anthony gave you, gave all of us, is you felt like you were in. Third Angle. Third Angle, the Zapruder film. It's the grassy dole shot.

It seems like when you would get on that show and you would all bust balls and Patrice was there and Voss was there and all these guys were there and you would always generally have like four or five guys in a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we learned to do podcasts. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. That's the start of podcasts with comics. Everyone's joking around. And then when Anthony started doing his own shit from his basement and started streaming it, I remember thinking, oh, now I can do that. How'd you do that? He was doing karaoke while holding a machine gun

Yeah, and he's got a green screen so he's like I'm like a penthouse apartment in New York City's American flag behind them So you could do all kinds of wild shit if you have a green screen Jamie's gonna come out with one that has a camera in the guy's mouth. Can you see if you can find Anthony Cumia live from the compound? See if any of that's available online. So Anthony had this

thing. He set up a full professional thing for a goof. Because Anthony is like a single guy no kids tons of loot tons of loot and he's wild and he's a fun dude so he wanted to just get hammered all the time he had a keg with guinness in it and shit like his pad was great crazy it was a good he's a wild man because he was a really wealthy older bachelor who was a beloved radio host and in his spare time would do his own show and this own show that he did he went out man i mean he got fucking like real broadcast desks and real microphones it was the first guy that ever did this so yes him this is his green screen

in his fucking house doing live from the compound crazy gun guy They don't even know who it is. He's that gun on his leg? That's for real. Like, that's not a prop. And the machine gun is? He would walk around with a gun on him all over. Like, if someone broke into his house, he was ready. Oh, thank you. He was ready.

He's one of those guys. There's also this one, which is a live carry. That's Pat. What year is this? 2011. Yeah, the one before was 2010 it said So he was doing this for a while Yeah, I think he started in like

2007 or 2008 if I remember correctly and I think there was a problem with Is either XM or serious whichever one didn't want him doing it He's like look all this does is bring more people to the show yep, and they had an issue with him Broadcasting on another platform, but it was totally for free what year was it? Yeah, they were like you're gonna watch this instead of the other ones like he's gonna do he's like they're gonna do both Yeah, so these are just a few videos. I mean he was doing it all the time This what you're seeing is just like what somebody uploaded somewhere Is it?

scene is just like what somebody uploaded somewhere. God damn. Is it Kunia's channel? Jesus! Look at his gun! Oh my god! Sniper? It's a ridiculous crazy gun guy karaoke. Let me hear what this sounds. Oh, this is his. Yeah, so he's gonna sing.

Morning has broken. Why is he holding a giant gun? Blackbird has spoken. Why he's holding a giant gun So I saw him doing this He's one of a kind And me and Red Band were like Hey man we can do this Wow really

And then we said let's just start streaming something on Ustream But I guarantee you If he, he was a giant factor in me deciding to do a podcast. Wow. Because I realized you don't have to have a studio. You don't have to be on Sirius. Because we all wanted to do radio. It's like, we don't want to wake up. We don't have to follow these dumb rules.

And I went to Adam Carolla's place. But Adam Carolla had a real professional setup. Adam Carolla had a garage that that used to keep his cars in and Adam was like the first rich guy to get into podcasting right? Yeah, he got thrown off the radio Yeah, and he was doing really well on the radio. So they changed format and they said you're all done Yeah, you can still get maintain your contract. There's the once a Spanish so you maintain it, but you can't do any other radio It's like a coach internet, right? So he did it on the internet, and it was a loophole. So he did his show.

And I remember doing it at his place thinking, wow, this is unattainable. How would I get a building? How would I get all these employees? And I remember thinking, what is all these fucking people running the cameras and shit? God, there's so many. And I remember thinking, this is so much. God, I wish I could do this. And then I saw Anthony.

I'm like, oh, I could do that. Right I saw Anthony I'm like oh I could do that right very few just turn on turn on even what he did like what Anthony did he had like a professional desk set up and like those big-ass broadcast cameras and he knew how to like and he had employees he had people working for him and shit you had bread bed yeah figure it out well we figured it out look well we you know we figured out like in the beginning was it was just simple. Webcam. Webcam.

And then add a few things. Okay, now do another webcam, and this one you can split angle. So there's, like, one half of the screen is you, one half of the screen is me. And then- It was a good example of how you just try something, and it's like, you don't have to get it right. Just start. Just start.

Right. You know? If anybody- It was Justin TV, and just, like, figure it out. If I had an executive and i said i need an investor in my project well what is it well come on over i'll show you what we're doing no way like get the fuck out of here you guys are getting way too high you forget what you're talking about when did you make your first dollar in it besides ticket sales years in years and

years yeah years in but i didn't even think about it that way yeah no it's just fun it was fun and then when i got people like graham hancock, I realized I can talk to really interesting people. Wow. And then I met Aubrey from The Fleshlight, and that became our big sponsor. Fleshlight, that's right. Aubrey was at Fleshlight? Yeah, he was the head guy over at Fleshlight.

And then did the other stuff? Yeah. Oh, interesting. That was back when he was Chris. Adam and Eve was a big one at first. No, Fleshlight was your first one. 100%. That was my first sponsor

And Oli for a long time Yeah Because nobody else Wanted to be on it We gave these horrendous Fleshlight ads These ads were just So repulsive

You give them out So graphic And funny Thanks for being a guest And then we give people Free Fleshlights If they were a guest A lot of people didn't want them

I never took one I was afraid I was afraid of the road The road Just you With this flashlight? It was not going to be good. Fucking it all the time? It goes through your bag at TSA.

What's this? I'll show you. It's kind of funny where podcasts came from and what it is now. A little more professional now. Well, that's also, it's still like a big business, but we still do it kind of the same way we did it when we did it back then. It's not much difference. You act like how you would act if we were all hanging out Yeah, you know for I can out acting stupid. This is exactly how we would talk yeah

But now a lot of people listen. That's the difference I Still try to do it from weird places. I know you do I love it so fun You like to do them in other countries and shit, and do them on lawn chairs. On top of the Great Wall of China. I was like, let me record a podcast up here. It's a good move. We did one in a car like nine years ago, me, you, and Matt Edgar.

That's right. Drive it. Did we do one out in the Joshua Tree? On our way there? Way back from Shrewsbury. Car ones are great. Car ones are great. Me and Norman do a few of those.

Yeah. I've done, I think, one from a car. Me and you. But we did a bunch on a plane. Plane. Me and you. We had a joint cost. Tony and I as well.

We did a plane. I think we did like four on planes. Wow. I think I did one with Tommy on a plane once, too. Me, you, and Dana White. Oh, that's right. Wow. That's right.

Flying back from Australia, right? Yeah. Yeah, we did one on Australia. It was such a long flight. It was a kill two hours. Oh, my God. You could write a book on that flight. You can't even go over there now. Wow, yeah. If you go over there, I think you. It was such a long flight. It was a kill two hours. Oh, my God. You could write a book on that flight. You can't even go over there now.

Wow, yeah. If you go over there, I think you have to quarantine for a long time. And if you're not vaccinated, they won't even let you in. It's a wrap, kids. One more date. Me and Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly are doing a show, two shows in Michigan, Grand Rapids, and Detroit. Presale starts January 5th at noon.

Use promo code ROGAN to get in the presale. Is that rethegreat.com for that? Yeah, rethegreat.com for that. Tony Hinchcliffe, Kill Tony's every Monday. Best live comedy show in the country. Best live comedy show in the country. And I'm going back on tour, too. It's funny you mentioned Michigan.

I'm doing a couple cities there. Where? And Phoenix and Philadelphia, Miami. I just announced it. It's all at tonyHinchcliffe.com. So fun to be back on the road in front of a live audience. It is. And now that you've already caught the cooties, you have bulletproof immunity.

It's so hard for me not to be a full Republican on it. Oh, I should say this again while I'm still talking about this because it's come up multiple times. I'm going to say it again. I've talked to more than one person who said they got COVID twice. And I know Dr. Peter McCullough, who was on the podcast the other day, said you can't get it twice because it's 90% similar to the original SARS. And the original SARS,

people have long-lasting immunity. You mean the original COVID? Nope, SARS. SARS-CoV-2 is this. The original SARS. So many people tested positive twice. Yeah. So this guy said on the podcast,

he said you can't get it again. But I know multiple people said they've got it again including moe amher um steve simone one of uh tom segura's relatives got it twice simone for sure simone thinks he got it twice wasn't the doctor talking specifically about omicron no no he was talking about covid oh Oh. No, I think you're correct. He was saying that COVID-19 was 90% similar to SARS and that when people got over SARS from 18 years ago, they still have immunity. They test for it today. Might be that it's not impossible to get it, but it's way, way, way harder for you to get it.

I haven't heard anybody get it bad the second time. Right. Mo Ammer barely got anything the second time he got it. But the thing is, if you had it a second time, you might be able to give it to somebody who doesn't have the immunity and they might get fucked up. It's all confusing. So my point is, this guy saying that you can't get it twice, I don't know if that's correct. Since the last time I was here, I had COVID.

I don't know what does what, but just in the interest of being open, whatever, I immediately took, based on my weight, 18 milligrams of ivermectin as soon as I got it. I was also vaccinated. So these are two things. And then another one, I took those monoclonal drips that are available everywhere in Florida. They're begging people to come get it. If you're exposed to COVID, like Simone was, they're like, you can get it. He tested negative.

You can go get that too. And they're just like, they're like you can get he tested negative like you can go get that too and they're just like they're there in Florida for everybody and they fucking I don't know whatever but Simone was saying goodbye to his mom

like what do you want me to tell your grandkids when they come you know you're not going to be around like she was dying and then the monoclonal stuff

in August got around she took that and it turned her around yeah it's better if you take it early right away yeah

it was a long road back but it's better if you take it early. Right away, yeah. It was a long road back, but. It's better if you take it early, but there's been stories about people that take it many days into it and still have good results. But either way, it's an effective treatment that people need to know about because even if you're vaccinated,

this shouldn't be a vaccine, unvaccinated, like, fuck you, I'm not going to listen to you because you're not vaccinated. Just listen about medicine to these people that take it and find substantial benefits from it. It works. It works in everybody that I know that's taken it. I tested negative in three days from testing positive.

I took the monoclonal drips the second day. So two days after that, I was testing negative. Everything's got so political that anything that you say that's anything other than the vaccine people literally don't want to hear It especially people that are pro vaccine. They just don't want to hear it But if these things they don't hurt you if you take them right no so even if it's not that go ahead and get it No, I mean, maybe they hurt some people I mean, I think if you give enough people a thing some people gonna get fucked up by it just because of Biodiversity right that's because so many people people are so to get fucked up by it. Just because of biodiversity.

People are so different. There's not one I mean maybe there's like one medicine maybe there's a few medicine but people die from aspirin man. People are allergic to fucking peanuts. A lot of people are allergic to peanuts. Meanwhile peanut butter and jelly is like the lunch bag

sandwich. I am self destructive Meanwhile Peanut butter and jelly Is like the Number one Lunch bag Delicious I am self-destructive Yeah And it's one o'clock in the morning I come home from a comedy show And I'm self-destructive I will have a peanut butter And jelly sandwich

And a big glass of milk Joey Rose's Joe DeRosa's new sandwich place Has a peanut butter And jelly sandwich Hold on On a bucket Joe DeRosa has a sandwich place

Yeah And like a Lower East Side What Joey Rose's Just opened it up What's he doing He's sandwich and bar Sandwich place and bar, in like a Lower East Side. What? Joey Rose is just opening it up. What's he doing? He's sandwich and bar. Sandwich place and bar.

No shit. Yeah. He did it? He bought it? He's just opened it. Wow. It's great. And that peanut butter and joe sandwich is my favorite, but he's an artist with the sandwiches.

Really? Oh, yeah. They're so fucking high tech. Joe DeRose is a sandwich artist. Yeah. Is he getting bigger because he works there? It just opened. I assume he will. He's been drinking heavily for fucking 25 years though

I if I open a sandwich drop, that would be a real problem. Yeah, I'd get fat so quick Joey roses Wow Good for him peanut butter grape jelly ruffle potato chips. How big is this place? It's a cool bar to hang out in. Probably like 30, 40 people could be there, 50. Nice. Look at that.

Is he still doing a lot of stand-up? Yeah. How does he juggle the two of them? Look at that. Yeah, I mean, this took all his time for a bit. Joey Rose's. He's got a fucking cool place. It's a cool bar.

It's a cool bar to hang out in. Wow. Look at that. A bar and sandwiches. What a great idea. Good for him. Oh, yeah. Hell, and sandwiches. What a great idea. Good for him. Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah.

He's a good dude, too. Great dude. Don't try to win the offer shots. Say no. Oh, why? He gets fucked up? Yeah. And then he's like, come on, pussy, take it.

And then fucking an hour later, he's throwing up. And it's like, fuck you. Fuck you. That old trick. Yeah. I know myself by now. A shot? What's that?

It's like, I know where I am. Okay. All right. Let's wrap, what's that? It's like I know where I am. Okay. All right. Let's wrap this up. Goodbye, everybody. Bye, everybody.