The Joe Rogan Experience - #1758 - Carrot Top

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Scott "Carrot Top" Thompson is a standup comedian, television personality, and actor currently in residence at the Las Vegas Luxor Hotel and Casino.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Cheers, sir. Dude, yeah. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you, too. Very nice to officially meet you. Yeah, it's cool.

I follow you on the Instagram. Watch your posts all the time. Okay, good. See what you think, silly goose. You your posts all the time. Okay, good. See my big silly goose. You're having a good time? Yes. I've been doing these little, I don't know what you call it,

where you kind of reenact a scene from movies, and it's been really fun. It's hard because you have to know the scene really well, so I've done the planes, trains, and all, my fucking car, my fucking... So it's been fun. It's a new little gig. But yeah, I try to keep it fun, Instagram. car, my fucking... So it's been fun. It's a new little gig. But yeah, I try to keep it fun, Instagram.

No, you definitely do. And you're obviously, you've done a lot of radio because you have one ear on, one ear off. Jim Norton always does that. I'm just retarded. No, I do this in person. Jim Norton does that too? Yeah.

A lot of people do that and have done a lot of radio. Yeah, I've done a lot. Yeah, they want like a little in the noise. Yeah, a little bit of, yeah, a little, exactly. I don't understand that. I don't know because if they're looking at me like, put your headset on right. Yeah, we've been doing comedy for so fucking long and that we've never met. It's kind of funny.

That is bizarre. I mean, you've been doing it. 30 plus years? Yeah, same. I started in 1985. Yeah, I started in 88. So I had to reach out. All right, I got my three.

Dude, you. I'm the veteran here. Fuck. You're a funny guy, man. And you take, you at least used to take a lot of shit. I'm the veteran here. Fuck. You're a funny guy, man. And you take, you at least used to take a lot of shit. And I never understood it. I don't either. I never have understood that, but it's mellowed out a little bit, but it's kind of like, you know, you've done it so long. You're kind of like, okay, you can go to the barbecue now you're part of the club.

But for years and years, I mean, from, from the very, very beginning, which is kind of funny, you being a comic, but I started in Florida. One thing everybody worried about was, you know, the fever. You know, you don't want to steal. You know, he stole his act. So I thought, you know, not only did I do my thing just because I wanted to do props, but I thought, wow, no one's going to hate me because I'm doing – I'm not doing anyone's i mean i'm you know stealing crime watch signs and shit right and lugging around the country so if anything they would say you know okay he's not funny or at least he's original but he's not funny but they would say oh no he's you know everything they just got i would get shit for like i was the shit i was just feeling the punch on just yeah

you were a whipping boy yeah you know what it's like? It's like Nickelback. For whatever, Nickelback takes so much shit. It's like someone decides that that's a good punchline. Right, and I've seen Nickelback, and they put on a pretty amazing show. They've got some good songs, man. And they do. They're pop songs, yeah, but so fucking what? It's like they're not hurting anybody.

It was, you know. So let's say I would do a show and we have a nice crowd. It was great. Standing ovation. We get on the bus and we're driving to wherever next gig. And we're all watching, you know, the TV. And then, boom, there's a Carrot Top rip. And I'd be like, you know, what the fuck?

We just did a great show. We had a whole bunch of people laughing. Yeah. So this one guy is telling me, you know, whatever I, whatever, you know, I've always been a guy that's considered the source. I mean, I was always picked on as a kid, but when I'd come home, my mom was, you know, what happened? I picked on me.

Who was it? And it was this guy. Well, consider the source, right? Yeah. So it's always been that with comedy too. Like when, you know, George Carlin said I was funny, that negated every asshole that said I sucked. Yeah. I was like, George Carlin thought I was funny, that negated every asshole that said I sucked. I was like, George Carlin thought I was funny. No, you are funny, man.

You have a good show. Well, you kind of want – I think most humans want everyone to love them, right? Yeah. But as comics, we're even more sensitive. I want not only to have fans, but I want my peers to like me as well. So it's weird. And then people say, well, who gives a shit? You have fans that love you.

Who cares about your peers? I'm like, well, you kind of want other comics to go, hey, man, I dig your style. No, for sure. That's the thing. If you're rejected by your peers, even if the rest of the world loves you, what comics hate you, Right. It's horrible. Like I said, I've done it so long,

I guess they're finally like, ah, fuck it, he can stay, I guess. Well, I think, first of all, you own the genre now. There used to be, like when I started in 88, there used to be prop comics. Yeah.

You became so successful as a prop comic that you own the genre. Like, there's no prop comics anymore, man. I think, I know. I don't think anyone wants to be one. That's what I think. They're like, fuck that. I'm not going down that path.

I'm going to take over all the abuse that I took. I'd tell them, don't do it. But then we had, though, like you said, though, Rip Taylor or Gallagher. And by the way, Gallagher was very much of an influence on me when I started doing comedy and I would get well I should just tell you so one day Gallagher

meets me for lunch Gallagher's listening so he's up my ass he's yelling at me and screaming in front of everybody in front of the valet and he says I stole his act. And I was like, Gallagher. He meets you for lunch to yell at you?

Yeah, well, I think we've made up since, I think. He came to the show and told me how to redo it. But I know he did. I've heard him on Stern, dude. He sounds fucking crazy. And, you know, stop doing props. So, yeah. But the thing that I thought was kind of funny because i in my defense

of gallagher i used to always say um it's not the watermelon that's he's a really brilliant comic i mean you go back and listen to his writing yeah it was great but all people knew was him jumping on a big couch and hitting a watermelon but But I would always say, no, that guy's a genius. And so then he meets me and he tells me, you know what, you stole my act and you didn't steal the, you stole the stupid stuff. And I said, well, first I didn't steal anything. He says, hey, the stupid stuff.

Why didn't you steal the smart stuff, the words, the stuff that's actually clever? Why would you steal? I said, but I didn't steal, it's my stupid stuff. What was he saying you stole? My whole act, he said, you know, just maybe the genre, I guess, because if you break down Gallagher prop stuff, steal it's my stupid stuff i didn't was he saying you stole my whole act he said you know just made me the genre i guess because if you break down gallagher prop stuff it was always a pun you know

it was a shoehorn it was like rip rip taylor kind of like a hey it's a butterfly it's butter with wings and mine was like no it's a crime watch sign it's a it's a it's a it's a it was more of an invention um prop so he thought that by you, you holding up two things and saying it's a this and a that. See, and I never did that. That's what was funny. We never, I've never, my style of prop comedy is kind of an interesting, it's like an inventive, if you go back and find any prop. Right, no, no, I have seen. There's always a twist to it.

So it's not just me holding up a, it's not a word, play word. Like the wid. You know, it's like, I've got my tubes tied So it's not just me holding up a, it's not a word, play word. Like the wid. You know, it's like, I've got my tubes tied and it's just tubes all together. So more than just like trying to think of what I would have, like, you know, I don't know, like a microphone from Mick Jagger that has an oxygen thing in it. So it's something that's more into, anyway, it's just a different. I get it. It's jokey, but it's also.

Yeah. into a, anyway, it's just a different, same with, I get it. It's jokey, but it's also, yeah. And when I did the family guy, um, they said, uh, they called, they said, you know, we got the thing already and they sent me the script. And I was like, so the joke is it's a seesaw, right? So I'm like, uh, so it's prop is a saw with glasses on it. Right. And that's kind of not what I do. Right. And so I was like, oh man, this, this is, I don't like this. Can we change it to something that I do? And the guy, what's his, what's his name? McFarlane.

McFarlane says, dude, no, this is, people's fucking great. And I said, I don't know, but it's Seesaw. It's really stupid. And he says, I wrote it. I said, no, it's not that stupid. I said, no, no, I just want to do one of my props. He said, well, two things wrong. We already have the animation done.

Right. And secondly, everyone loves it. And if you want to do it, we'll just get someone else to do the voice. It's fine. I said, no, no, I want to do it. If we can't, fuck it. So I did it. And I still to this day get people go, dude, seesaw.

So they were right I just I just was like damn it I want it to be a little more I get it yeah well also you've got to be a little defensive after all the years of people shitting on you yeah yeah yeah true what is it like having a Vegas residency because I've always thought about that like there's people that I think did it where maybe they probably shouldn't have done it and then there's people like you that it seemed you seem to be having a good time doing it and then you still do occasional shows in other spots yeah yeah I love it I mean I was telling you guys out front there a bit ago that in the beginning I was very reluctant because I was my road guy yeah I do you know the

road and live on a tour bus and that and then they they offered the gig, I was very reluctant because I was my road guy. And so I would do, you know, the road and live on a tour bus and that. And then they offered the gig. And I was like, eh. So I started doing like just a couple weeks, which now they call residencies. Residencies, you know, you live there. It's residency. But now you have a weekend. Now they're doing a residency.

So I said, I'll do two weeks at a time. And it was kind of rough. I was a young. I wasn't two weeks at a time and it was kind of rough I was I wasn't Vegas is a different beast I just wasn't ready for people sitting in you know

like booths and eating you know like dinner show eating and kind of getting slouched and I was like I'm used to people like you know

psyched for the show right yeah they're coming out to see you George Carlin would tell me he says you know you couldn't get into oh so fuck it I'm gonna go see carlin kind of thing so as i've gotten more fans i think i'm getting more of my audience but back then there was just people that were you know going

by buffet going i get a carrot top ticket and whatever check it out how long you've been doing it now in vegas uh this is 16 at the luxor and then 10 10 at the mgm to 20 26 years and then 10 at the MGM. So 26 years? And then at Bally's once. One year, I mean, sorry. So 27 years. So you've been in Vegas. Penn and Teller have been going back and forth and who's been the longest. And I said, well, I do all the work.

You have fucking Teller, right? So I win by default. Well, you know. And Teller doesn't do shit. He just stands there. Penn and Teller, they're very unique people. Absolutely, very, you know. And Teller doesn't do shit. He just stands there. Penn and Teller, they're very unique people. Absolutely. Very, very unique.

You know, Penn is a super interesting guy. And you really wouldn't think that he would fit in in Vegas. Penn? Yeah. He barely fits. He's 6'9". He's a giant dude, yeah. But he seems like he belongs somewhere else.

Yeah. But, so, 26 fucking years doing a residency, that's a long ass time, man. It is a long time. Have you always done some road work while you're doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just did it the last two weeks ago. We did a whole bunch of Kansas City and Detroit and Chicago and Minneapolis. What do you like doing?

Do you like doing like weekends? I like both. I like the Vegas show. You know, it's kind of you're there every night. You get to go home but the road shows are you kind of feel like a rock

you know I took my opener with me this time he's like dude this is you know it's like you feel like you know you're in show business you're in rock you know in Vegas

sometimes you forget oh yeah I'm in show business but you're on the road right and you got people up by the bus and there's things and there's energy and there's you know

that kind of stuff yeah yeah the Vegas residency has got to be good for your health, though. Because you're not fucking flying all the time. Yeah, agreed. I mean, you just – Yeah, exactly. So it is not – there's a lot of ups for it, too.

And it seems to be easier to kind of throw in new jokes every night because you're not – you know, I can come in and rehearse and just try it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Yeah. Have you had – like, like most comics they'll go places and work out like you'll go to like a small club

and fuck around I haven't done that I haven't done that honestly and people always say you ever I said no I work out every night

at the fucking Luxor so why would I fly to LA and try shit out at the Improv you know what I mean like right well how many nights

a week do you work I got a lug at there so you know yeah that's the difference with you yeah I mean that's what was funny going back all these years how the hell I drug all that shit how much week do you work? I got to lug it there. Yeah, that's the difference with you. Yeah. I mean, that's what was funny going back all these years.

How the hell I drug all that shit everywhere. How much shit do you have? Oh, a lot. Like it? It used to be when we did the road shows, it was a whole semi. A whole semi? Yeah, because we had ramps and rises and pyro, and it was a big show. And people would say, and the people that would come there to unload the truck to set up the show for that day,

let's say we're here in Austin, they'd be like, all this shit for fucking, for one guy? And I said, it takes a lot of shit to make me funny. I need all this shit, trust me. I need my props and my trunks and my lights and my snow machines. Yeah, no, I get it.

I did that way back. The very first club I did, they were like livid with me because I had like, and I had to do it all by myself. Back then I made, my dad was a scientist. So he made this pedal, foot pedal, and I could hit first button, did a strobe light. And the second was a snow machine. And the third one was something, I don't know, sound effect or something.

And a club owner came up between two shows. He says, was there a fucking snow machine in the middle of the show? I was like, yeah. Why? I said, didn't you see the show? I was like, yeah. Why? I said, didn't you see the show? It made sense. I ate a peppermint patty. I said, what was it like?

And he goes, and the snow came to his, whatever the joke was. And the club owner got mad. He didn't get mad. He was just like, I've never seen someone in a leaf blower, because I did it like a hurricane bit. Yeah. It turned into a Michael Jackson bit. And he would say, I've never seen someone bring a leaf blower in to do well now you have said now you have yeah

yeah and then he said I love that well that's good so like when you go on the road now do you bring a semi as well we've loaded we've light it's still a big truck but it's not it's not a full-on but yeah good we took a lot of this stuff it was just too much to it was literally like setting up Aerosmith and when you're in Vegas at the Luxor, is everything set up for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can just kind of plug and play? Yeah, yeah.

That's nice. How many nights a week are you there? Six. Six nights? Six nights. Wow. Yeah. It's not bad, though.

I do like six nights a week, take a day off on Sunday, and then I do like on average three or four weeks, and then I go to Florida. Oh, so you do like a few weeks on, and do you partially live in Florida? Yeah. I have a house in Orlando, so I kind of go back and forth. What makes you go to Florida. Oh, so you do like a few weeks on and do you partially live in Florida? Yeah. I have a house in Orlando, so I kind of go back and forth. What makes you go to Orlando? Why'd you pick that? There's just a house there that my key fits into, so I go. I'm going to go here again. But why Florida? That's where I was born and raised. So I found a house there and I just kept it. Most of my, believe it or not, most of my family lives now in Vegas, but my father lived in Florida.

He worked at NASA, the space center. A lot of fucking people moved to Vegas this year. I have quite a few friends that moved there that either, you know, they were either thinking about Arizona, Texas, Nashville, or Vegas. Those are the big – Nashville's another one. And even Austin, right? It's growing like crazy. Yeah, Austin. It's just bananas right now. My niece goes here.

Yeah. University of Texas. I have like 10 of my friends moved here. But it's better, you know? I mean, California is just too fucked right now. And so it was one of those things where. Yeah, I lived there for a bit near Malibu and I, you know, I was not, once I got the Vegas thing, I just kind of got out of it. Well, I loved it before the shit hit the fan.

Yeah. Because the comedy store was there. Yeah, sure. My friends were there. But when we realized that the government can stop you from working, you know, and not just for two weeks, but for fucking almost two years. It was so long before they allowed indoor shows again. I was like, these people are out of their fucking minds. You've got to let people make their own choices.

Also, this is a respiratory virus. You're not stopping shit, as you can see. Yep, it's very true. I was talking to the girl there um about when we first got back we were very first show back in vegas and it was uh one of those things where this was you know we want you back and i said who else is coming back and said nobody just you and i said what you were the first show back first one but i think it's because i was the only guy on stage so all the shows with all the dancers and things and even with you know other people so i was the only one panatella

didn't want to do it and you know chris angel didn't want to do it no one wanted to go back and and i i was dying to go back i was you know a year of sitting in i mean it's nice sitting in my boat in florida but at the same time you're like i'm losing my sense of purpose like what the fuck i gotta i gotta perform again, you know? Yeah. So, yeah, I went back. And then the weird part, they put us in this 2,200-seat theater. It was the old Criss Angel Theater when he played there.

And it was only 100 people allowed. So you had 2,200 seats. 2,200 theater and 100 people? And distanced. Yeah. And a 40-foot moat. What? Yeah.

40 feet between you and them? Swear to God, right? That's so far. And I used to make a joke. I'd say, in fact, Gallag would do horrible and he wouldn't hit anybody, you know. But 40 feet is so far. Literally, oh no.

And I know. And then, you know, it was really weird. I got to be honest, you know. And my guys would be at the end and say, it really wasn't that bad considering in their masks. So you can't, it was muffled. But it wasn't, I don't know, it was better than just not doing a show.

Yeah. But there were nights you're like, wow, this is not, I don't want to do this. Yeah. And then it's slowly, slowly bigger and bigger. Now we're back in our original theater. I did one show in July of 2020. I did one weekend at the Houston Improv.

They're still allowing people to do shows, and this was obviously pre-vaccines, pre-everything, and it was still a little sketchy. And I did the show, and then we had a great time, and I thought, God damn it, I'm going to go on the road again. And then I got really high, and then I thought thought what if i get covid and i give it to someone and they die you know that's what i thought i thought what if and i said okay you know i can't do this and so it was just too weird back then there was no real treatment for it no

one knew what was going on it was a little scary yeah people didn't have any idea what was happening we're just dying it was like yeah So I took a long time off. And then I came back when Chappelle wanted to do a bunch of shows in Austin. And he said, we're going to do them outside. We're going to test everybody. We'll create a COVID bubble. Nobody goes outside of the bubble. And by then, I was already testing people for every single show here.

Right. So I was like, OK, I feel safe doing that. Because all I'm doing right now is going home and then going to work and when i go to work everyone's getting tested and so i felt pretty safe and confident and then i would go to the shows and we would test like you know hundreds and hundreds of people and they would all sit outside and they all had to wear a mask and then we had our little covid bubble yeah and so we started doing that again that was like i guess we started doing it november of 2020 i I guess we started doing it November of 2020 I remember seeing on your Instagram that you guys were going to yeah, and I remember people were asking me

Hey, you want to do some drive-in theaters? Yeah the fuck so This is Bert Kreischer's idea. I know but but what's your thought on this? So you're on stage well Bert you're on stage and the people are sitting in their cars So you can't hear them. Yeah, but they honk and stuff. We'll see it's perfect So there you go. So honk honk. I did get that can't hear them. Yeah, but they honk and stuff. Well, see, it's perfect for Bert. Oh, really? So honk, honk. I did get that prop killed.

Honk. Yeah. And it really killed. Honk. Yeah, it's like they laugh and you hear them honk. But if you don't hear any horns, you're like, fuck, I'm bombing. Yeah, you're bombing. There's no horns.

See, I'm terrified of that. It's not ideal, but it's better than anything. Right. Than nothing, rather. Right, sure. And Bert invented it, so it was his idea. So for him,

it was like a chance to be on the road again. I guess it would be work, seems more for music. Yeah. Than comedy. I can't, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, it makes sense. But even music, you want to see people dancing around, rocking out. You see the car, you know. If the car comes rocking,

he'll come knocking. I'm having a good time in that car. Yeah, if it's a van. You know, Dave and I, we did shows together back in, we were doing colleges. Oh, in the NACA days? Yeah, NACA days. Oh, wow. And this is a great, every time I see Dave, he always says the same thing.

He says, man, that, so I'll tell you what happened. So we played, it was like Kansas or Iowa, some Midwest town. And we did the show. And then afterwards, you know, we're young then. He says, go get a drink. So we go get a drink. And we have all these college kids. And finally we're like, we're chill.

Let's just go back to the hotel. It was like a little La Quinta, which is Spanish behind Denny's, by the way. So La Quinta. And just before we had cell phones, I said, hey, let's exchange numbers. And he says, yeah, man, let's do that. So he leans over the counter and grabs a pen out and writes his number down. And this guy comes out and says, did you just take money out of the cash register? And we're like, what?

And he's like, did you just steal money out of the cash register? And we're like, look at each other. I'm like, no, we just, Dave's like, I just grabbed a pen to exchange numbers, man. Take it easy with it. I said, we're the comedians that, you know, playing in town. He's like, I'm calling the cops. And I said to Dave, no, Dave says, call the cops. And I said, is that camera work? And he says, what? The one right there? And he goes, I said, he says, yep. I said, we're going to find out then goes I said he says yep I said we're gonna find out then I said make sure that you got the footage of that because uh we grabbed a pen we didn't grab cash out of the register and sure enough he's like you boys better get get on we're

like we didn't we just wanted to exchange numbers weird right I thought we took money out of the register yeah well you know some people live in a world of shit. And you just dipped your toes into their world. Yeah, we didn't take money, dude. We should have. That's pretty sad. We were broke comics. We should have actually taken money out of the register.

Those college gigs were always weird, man. You travel to these strange universities that would have comics yeah come and yep yeah i used to do all that for for years i did a goodness like i do the morning like in a cafeteria uh-huh literally yeah i did those right standing on a cafeteria table yes literally and then and then it was one there's only one time in my entire career and i mean full-on career that i refused to go on and it was it was it was an aca uh gig and they had a thing in the in a breezeway right like literally like a box and so my trunk didn't fit on the box it was just it wasn't even a stage right so like size this table a little smaller

than this so yeah it was like a crate. And so I said, my guy that helped me set up back then said, he'd come get in the car, he's like, you're not going to like this one. I said, how bad is it? He's like, dude, it's in a fucking breezeway. And I was like, what? It's in a breezeway?

And I was like, what do you mean breezeway? And he's like, it's like a box, like a milk carton, a thing, and there's a microphone thing and then, yeah. And this is when I used to have a,

I even have, you know, had to help a harness I made that would hold my big mic like this. So he said, I'm going to stand there in the middle of a fucking breezeway while kids are going to class.

No, seriously. And I'm like, I ain't doing it, right? So I said, fuck that, no. i we got the van and drove to the next gig which is you know probably six hours away and it was in a big

theater you know it's weird that you do one in the cafeteria and then an hour later you're in a big theater so my phone's blowing up i call i call my office and they're like you you you you can't just cancel a show and i I said, you didn't. Yeah, I can. I'm not going to do it. Right. Well, where are you? Got to go.

I said, I'm already. We're two hours out. We're fucking. We're not going. So turns out that college and that gig and that breezeway, that guy was the president of NACA that booked me for that. The president of NACA. Well, he's an asshole. He is an asshole, but I'm saying, oh shit,

of all people that I did that to, it was the president of NACA. Yeah, but Guy shouldn't be the president if he's the guy that's making those kind of decisions. That's disrespectful to the performers. Agreed. But I remember thinking, great, now I'm going to get blacklisted on the NACA conventions. Did you? No, because I think I'd already had, I think I was kind of done with the colleges.

No, this is early on. I didn't get blacklisted. No. I went on and I kept getting books. I know a lot of comics that refuse to do colleges now. Well, now I wouldn't. Yeah, they're just too ridiculous. No, I wouldn't.

I don't think I would do a college now. I lived on those for so many years. And it's not against the person, but the colleges, I think, like you just said, it's probably, I don't know, the audiences. I mean, half my act you can't do. Like, I go back and look at stuff that I did on The Tonight Show, Regis and Kathy Lee. I still do it in my show because, fuck it, I just do what I do. I don't, I just, you know, and people, ooh, they, ooh, and I go,

there's worse shit coming, take it easy. But I would have like a, you know, a mousetrap to catch gay mice. It was a little mousetrap with a mirror ball on it. And it would spin. It'd fucking kill, right? And even Gary Shandling, I do this on my show, and Gary Shandling is watching me. And he came over, he said,

that was great, the fucking gay mousetrap thing, right? And so you look at it now, but that was on network television like 8, 9 o'clock in the morning. Right. And I could do that. I had a plate for bulimics. It was a toilet seat with a plate built into it so you could eat and throw up. It was all this shit, but you think about it now, they'd be like, oh, God, you can't do that. What are you, crazy?

Well, you can. And I thought you just can. You just have to take some heat. Well, you can and I say you can you just have to take some heat, but the thing is about colleges. It's like they they will Instantaneously become activists and try to shut you down That's what I mean, it's kind of like kind of in my show so silly that's what yeah That's a silly show mice trap is a funny thing Why is it even negative? It's no it's not you know me know because though, because someone's going to say, oh, no, you're picking on the No, I'm not picking on anybody. Of course you're not.

Right. Of course you're not. It's just the fact that, you know, if you joke around about a subject, then it becomes hateful now. Like, we've entered into this new area where even touching on a subject, you become like hateful. You're hateful. Right, right, right.

Just joking around about something, you're hateful. Right, right, right. Just joking around about something, you're hateful. Yeah, it's unreal. It's stupid. Well even like with Dave, when all that went down, you know this probably more than I know, but they didn't show a lot of the people that were pro for him. Well here's the thing.

They kept showing the people that are against it. Here's the thing they didn't do with Dave. They didn't quote any of the material. If you notice it, they kept saying it's transphobic, it's transphobic. But it's one of the very rare times where someone's being accused of something, but there's not a specific thing that they point to where they say that this is egregious. This is transphobic. It's not transphobic.

It's essentially like it's a long love letter to a friend of his that killed herself. I mean, that's really what that part of it is and he's saying that a lot of it is because this woman who he was friends with got dragged online and attacked and dms and stuff by other people that were in the trans community that said that she shouldn't stand up for dave chappelle and she wound up killing herself this was yeah that's it's not a transphobic bit it's not it's it's like him trying to you know if you're gonna give it any criticism at all I think you could say that he talks about trans people a lot I mean it's been a major subject matter for him for a last couple specials yeah

but I think it's because about that but I think it's because... Let's talk about that. But I think that's because, look, he's the most beloved comedian of our time. He's one of the greatest comedians of all time, if not the greatest. And if you look at his career, this is like really the first time he's ever been attacked about things. And so this is his response to it. It's unusual for him. So I think he just wants to get his point across as clearly as possible, and then he'll

move on to other subject matters. He's devoted a lot of time to it, but when they say it's transphobic, they're not being accurate. They're just looking at, if he's covering the subject matter at all, and he's doing it with humor, all of a sudden you can label it transphobic.

It's interesting. It's not right. It's not accurate. No, it's definitely not right, and it's not fair. And it's, like you said, it's weird being such a beloved guy for so long, and then you find all these people that want to come out and not love him. I think a lot of it is just, it's attention, you know? Would you imagine if George Carlin had a, you know how many specials he used to do? One every fucking week, he'd have another many specials he used to do? Yeah.

One every fucking week, he'd have another hour special, which was always amazing to me. Talk about a guy that can write jokes. No, he's one of the greatest writers ever. I mean, how many specials, my God, right? So imagine him right now. Like, I would love to see a George Carlin special now. Wouldn't that be great? They'd attack the shit out of him.

I know, but I'm saying, because he didn't give a shit. He would open his show with the most disgusting thing and just... Lean into it. Oh, good. And people would walk, like 30 people in a second would walk out. Did you see the Patton Oswalt thing that happened yesterday? No, I love Patton Oswalt. I love Patton too.

Oh, what happened? Patton's a very kind, very sensitive guy. And Patton apparently was in town with Dave. And Dave texted him like, hey, do you want to come do a set at my show? And Patton went to Dave's show. Dave was doing an arena and Patton was doing another show in town. So Patton came to Dave's show and they had a good time together. And Patton took a couple of pictures with him and Dave and put it up on Instagram.

And then apparently a bunch of people were saying, how could you hang out with that transphobe, this and that, blah, blah, blah. And so the next post, he makes this long apology. He writes like a fucking essay on how he feels about trans people. Oh, there he is. And, you know, the real fuck up. I mean, listen, again, I love Patton. I love him to death.

He's a really, really sweet guy, which is why he did this in the first place. But one of the things that he said is he disagrees, 100% disagree about transgender rights and representation with Dave. That's not true. I think he said that to placate the mob, but Dave does not have any problem whatsoever with transgender rights and representation. That's not right. He's just saying that because they were attacking him saying that Dave is transphobic. He's not.

Right. He's not. I mean, I know him very well. He's a fucking fantastic person he's not that's not him he's just making jokes about stuff and it's like you can't read all those goddamn comments most of the comments are super super positive most of them but if you have a thousand people that are commenting on something you're gonna have 10 that are just angry, negative, shitty people. And those are the ones. My audience, basically. Thank you. All of our audience.

If you're a sensitive person, those are the ones that are going to stand out. And you're going to go, oh my God, what have I done? So he started deleting posts. And then apparently there was a bunch of shit posters and TERFs and all kinds of other stuff. TERF's a great name. It is. You want some real whiskey? Get out of here with that. What do you mean real whiskey? Was that Trace? Buffalo Trace.

Trace Atkins? Buffalo Trace Atkins. That's real shit. It's America right there. That's America before it was America. Right? Yeah. Thank you. You're definitely doing better than me. Look at his, look at mine. Well, there's nothing wrong with ground. I can afford. You stole it from a hotel bar. Stop lying. From your hotel bar.

It's not my hotel. It's just where we put you up. Well, we'll pay for that. I stole it. Feel free. I hope so. Take them all. Come on.

Fill your pillowcase up. Yeah, hotel bars are very strange. It's like they just assume you're a drunk. Well, there's some now on the road where they're weighted, which is kind of funny, right? Oh, right. You pick it up. Yeah, once you move it. You can't even change your mind.

You can't go, what is that? Oh, it's crunk. Oh, I don't want. You get charged for it already. Yeah. Let me try your Buffalo, Trace Atkins. Better, right? Very nice.

Better, right? Burns a little bit. A little better, right? No, a lot better. But better. I can't say it's... The Crown's nice people, too. No, there's nothing wrong with Crown.

No, this is great. I'm just joking. This is great. I just love... Well, Crown gives me free booze, so I got to be careful. Oh, do they? Well, yeah, they used to. Oh, you have a deal with them?

Until today? Until now. I fucked it up for them. I think we got a bottle of Crown over there, don't we? We do. No, I'm fine. This is actually- No, this is good.

This is good. Didn't someone give us a bottle of Crown? I'm just not allowed to say better because they give me Crown. Well, I'll say it. I usually go in the audience and give out shots of Crown. Oh, really? I used to before the COVID thing, so I'd go out in the audience and polish off a bottle. How scared are you about COVID now?

Did you travel here? Did you get nervous? No. No? But I mean, I've been one of those guys from the very beginning, and God forbid I do ever get it

because I don't walk in fear. I just do my thing, and I'm in front of people every day. But I do get tested a lot. I know you exercise a lot. You used to be junked. I know, I know. You used to be giant, man. I know you exercise a lot. You used to be jerked. I know. You used to be giant, man. I was 40 pounds bigger than I am. Oh my god.

Literally. What made you get so jacked? I got the flu. You got me jacked? Yeah. I just well, I'll tell you what I did. When I got that permanent gig, I had nothing to do all day in Vegas, literally. So you just started getting pumped? So I started just going to the gym every day.

Like, I'd go three hours a day, literally. Three hours of lifting? Yeah. Well, this is, again, 15 years ago. Right. And I was, I just was huge. And one day I went to my warehouse to do something. It was a picture on a something.

And I was like, what the fuck? Like, I'm like, I was like 190. I'm like 140. Wow. This is my original fighting weight right now. 140 is my fighting weight. That's where you feel lean and mean? Yeah, this is where I grew up, born and raised.

I was 135, 140 my whole life. And then I went to like 185. People are like, what the fuck? Did you have a lot of joint pain all the time? Oh, yeah, everything. I was always injured. I was always hurt. Didn't look good on stage. It was just, it was weird. it was weird it's like you know people are like what the fuck happened

to karen time they've always said that but that is a thing though when you get really jacked on stage it becomes a distraction it did yeah it did yeah gene simmons of all people came to this uh just being so muscular take away from the uh That's the worst Gene Simmons impression ever. All of a sudden, Gene Simmons became like an Englishman from the 80s. Excuse me. I've got a job. It's Gene. Pardon me. So I got Gene really good one time.

I said, this is great. So he comes back. Him and the show comes backstage, and he says to me, what do you do to make money besides this? And I said, what the fuck are you talking, nothing. He said, you don't have anything that gives you money. I said, I don't know.

I do comedy six nights a week, but you don't have another investment of some sort, yes? He's trying to offer you some prostitution work. Well, no, yeah. That's real weird. And Gene, listen, I'm seeing somebody, okay? But let me try on your platforms. No, so I, just let me slip under them.

I want teeth on my shoes. But he says to me, and this is great because I'm being like really serious with him, right? So I said, no, but I did one thing a long time ago. I wrote a jingle. He goes, what's the jingle? And I said, it's by Menon. And he says, I'm not following you. I said, remember the commercial by Menon?

And he goes, that was you. And I said, yeah. He says, get the fuck out. I said, no. I said, my friend had an organ in my garage. He had left there. And we were out fucking around. And that by Menon thing had a campaign that said come up with a jingle.

So we came up with it. It wasn't even funny. It was just Buy Menon. And we sent it to the Menon whatever. Was it Under? Whatever the fuck? Yep. And he says, wait a second.

So you're making this up. I said, no. He said, how much did they pay you for that? I said, I still get money for it. I said, it was amazing, but it was just kind of a fluke. I said, we tried to come up with other things. And he's looking at me like, that is just unremarkable. And I said, yes.

His impression of Gene Simmons is so bad. And then I said, and see, that's great. And I said, anything else? I said, well, I came up now with Retson. And he says, what are you talking about? I said, with Retson, remember the certs? And he goes, you're fucking me. I said, yes. He goes, but the Menin thing. I said, no, I came up now with Retson. And he says, what are you talking about? I said, with Retson, remember the certs? And he goes, you're fucking me. I said, yes.

He goes, but the Menon thing. I said, no, it's all bullshit. He lost his shit. He was like, god damn it. I sat there for 20 minutes believing you came up with by Menon and Retson. I said, no, I didn't. But I got him good on his show because I did when he had it at his house. Oh, the reality show he had? Yeah just met him I go family jewels and I go and I'm he says my impression you want to see my my warehouse and I

said sure so it takes me to this huge wing of his house I mean literally it's probably besides Walmart it's full, and he says to me, I've got everything, ask. I said, well, of course, you have a Kiss condom. I mean, he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we have Kiss coffins, we have Kiss everything, you know. And I said, we're live, or they're filming me with him, and I said, towards the end, I said, he said, well, thank you for dropping by.

And I said, I don't want to, this is going to come across completely fucking wrong. I said, don't take this the wrong way. And he says, what? I said, you're going to take this the wrong way. He says, what? I said, I've never heard of your band. I said, you must have done well, but I've never heard of Kiss. And he says, it's like a really weird because you've never

heard of kiss I said no I see I knew you take it the wrong way I said I just I I mean look at all this holy fuck I've never heard kiss are you guys how long have you guys been a band and he looked at me like he's gonna fucking kill me and I said I said I know I can't sin I know a Hanson this is when they were hitting it big you know I said I know Hanson right Ah, Hanson. And he's Hanson. This is when they were hitting it big, you know? I said, I know Hanson, right? And he goes, you fucking me. I said, no, I never heard of Kiss.

And that's why I said, I'm fucking with you. Come on. Jesus Christ, by men. By men. And he was serious? He really believed you? Oh, yeah, no. He was like, someone had to have heard of Kiss, yes?

This fucking accent. The thing about like Hollywood people Is there are people Who will pretend They don't know who you are Even if they do Right right right I had that with Nicole Kidman

She had no idea Did she really She pretended she didn't know you I have to put up my show It's a clip of her going Who's Carrot Top Well she's from Australia Maybe she really didn't know

But I met her three times With her husband So he shook Hey how you doing buddy Hey Carrot Top And then I went over to her and she was like, this guy, this guy. Do you think she did that on purpose?

I don't know, but she did it like three times. So I just put a clip of her on the red carpet going, who's Carrot Top? People do do that, though. It's like a clout thing. Like they knock you down. Al Franken. Okay, so now Al franken i did comic

relief with him right it was like everybody was there rob williams and then it would be goldberg so al franken are back in the wings there waiting to go on and he couldn't have been nicer he was like wow i love your i love your act i love you know and i was like that's's cool. So I go to Gary Shandling's funeral in L.A., and again, everybody was there. I mean, you talk about, my God, everyone in show business was at Gary Shandling's funeral. Right. So I see Senator then, right, Al Franken.

I make my way over to him. I said, hey, Al, it's been a while, and, you know, wow, you're Senator now. Fuck, I'm from comedian to senator or whatever I made. And he goes, he looked at me and he says, I'm sorry, we know each other? I said, it's Carrot Top. He's like, sorry? I said, Carrot Top.

And he goes, I'm sorry, I don't know. I said, you don't know Carrot Top? And he goes, I don't know. I said, you don't know who Carrot Top is? It was the weirdest thing because I'm standing there with the best of, I mean, I think I'm standing there with like, the best of, I mean like, I think I was standing there with, what's his,

from Defending Your Life, Albert Brooks, right? And, and he just says that and I look over at Albert Brooks and I say, he says,

he's just being a cunt. I said, I think so or maybe he just doesn't remember meeting me. Maybe when he became a son. He says, no,

you're in comedy. He knows who you are. He's just being a, and then I said, well, you know, you fucked with me one time and he said, center he says no you're in comedy he knows who you are he's just being and then I said well you know you fucked with me one time and he said Albert Brooks fucked with you

that's an honor well it is on the Tonight Show right it is an honor it is right seriously the fact that

he said Carrot Top maybe so he was on the Tonight Show with I think Johnny and he said he used to do these spinning when he does he believe it or not used to do these spinning when he did

believe it or not he used to do props oh really Albert Brooks did? he did a skidding tonight with spinning plates and so he sits down and he starts saying you know I feel bad for someone like Carrot Top if American Airlines lost his luggage he wouldn't have an act

everybody laughs and I'm thinking not only is that accurate if American Airlines lost its luggage, you wouldn't have an act. Everybody laughs. And I'm thinking, well, not only is that accurate, but it's just a dig at me because it's like if the Rolling Stones luggage was lost, they wouldn't put on a show. Right. So it's like my, it's my shit. Well, there's a thing.

I told him that because I'm sorry. I heard your feelings. Just trying to be funny. You know, whatever's out there, you take a swing at it. But there's a thing that for whatever reason, if you need something on stage, like if you're a guitar comic,

there was always a thing about guitar comics. Like Mitzi Shore used to get mad at guitar comics. She'd go, you're not going to go on stage with a guitar tonight. She would tell guys

and then they would go on stage with no guitar. Bomb. Oh, yes. Because like, you know, that's your comfort. That's your, yeah. That's your thing. tonight she would tell guys and then they would go on stage with no guitar bomb oh yes because like you know you get that's your comfort yeah that's your thing if they told me i couldn't bring my my my walker with a dildo on it i would not i would not go on but it's one of those things you'll see in march with your i will i'm coming yeah that's like this is your act man your fucking act is your eye you bring stuff like but this this purist thing of comedy has always bothered me.

I don't know why. It's just like, I don't care if you sing. I don't care if you have props. I don't care. Why does that affect me? I don't understand that whole concept just in a broad sense of the idea of, let's just say, music. So if you're in your car and you're listening to music, and if you hit the country station, and you go, oh, country,

and then you have rock, and then you have jazz, and you have this, and you have hard rock, you have metal, there's choices there. So it's kind of fun. Except when I was on the road, I would listen to country music for two hours, and I'm like, you know what, now I want some Metallica. Yeah, mix it up. So same with comedy. Exactly.

We can have a Dennis Miller, and you can have a Joe Rogan. You can have a Carrot Top and you can have Gallagher. You can have Bill Maher do politics and you can have, right? People need to just let other people have different tastes. We do anyhow. Exactly. So people that don't want to go to a Carrot Top show, don't go. Right.

You don't have to go. You don't have to go. That thing drives me crazy. I do have to go to the character show. You have to. Six days a week. But there's this thing. It's like, come on, folks.

There's lots of stuff to be upset about. Yeah, yeah. Like being upset about different tastes other than yours. Right, right. You know, like, look, my kids love, I love my kids, but they love music that I fucking hate. They want to listen to, like, mumble rap in the car. I'm like, shut that shit off. Not all mumble rap is bad. But, I mean, some of the stuff, to listen to like mumble rap in the car. I'm like, shut that shit off. Not all mumble rap is bad.

But I mean, some of the stuff, it's not even mumble rap, I should say. It's like whatever it is. I'm an old man. Yeah, that's why I sold my kids. I got rid of them. Oh, you got rid of them. Yeah, I got rid of them.

How much you get? Not much. I should have left for a while. It's a market thing. It's like Bitcoin. You don't want to get out early. It's a long haul thing. My Elvis shirt.

I got to find you one of these. Yeah, dude. I have an obsession with Elvis during that time period. Drug days. Well, it's the pill days. And one of the reasons why I have this obsession is because it's a fame thing. And I'm sure you can relate to this. Fame is a fucking strange drug in and of

itself and i believe that elvis was the first guy to take a heroic dose of fame you know like hicks always used to talk about or terence mckenna and then hicks used to quote it but heroic doses of mushrooms there's a heroic dose of fame like what michael jackson took he took the most heroic but you're right elvis might have been the first one. I mean, there were some other guys, but you're right. Yes. Where he really was beyond superstar. It's not good for you.

There's a great, I wouldn't say great, well, this is a documentary, or it might have been a two-part thing on HBO, I think it is, or Netflix. Do you smoke weed, Carrot Top? I will with you. Okay. I have bad lungs, but I'll smoke. Great. This is when the whole podcast goes to shit.

Carrot Top gets high. I heard this is good for your lungs. Is it? Yeah, I heard it's good. I don't have any sponsors that might get set if I... Crown and weed goes together great. That's what I heard. So I haven't been high in fucking 20 years.

Well, good. I don't do drugs well let's just keep it right there but I gotta remind me to tell my Hicks story and then also

Elvis so um there's a documentary and it's a really touching sad scene that you just brought up to me in the documentary

he goes on stage and this is right one of his really big bloated days yeah those are my favorite days and there's a well it's kind of

he's sweating and he's overweight still killing it and they're interviewing him and they say do you um Yeah, those are my favorite days. And there's a, well, it's kind of like he's sweating and he's overweight. Still killing it. And they're interviewing him and they say, do you, you look, you don't look good or something. They really honestly say this, like the reporter says, you look like shit. And he says, I'm sorry. And they're like, yeah, you just, you know, what happened? And you see it, you see his what happened? And you see it.

You see his face, and he literally takes a moment. He says, I'm sorry I don't live up to what you wanted me to look like. I'm doing my best. And then he just kind of walks off like in tears. Really? Yeah. Let's find that. Yeah, I think it's in the Elvis, it's a two-hour or two for two partening so Bill Hicks this

is a but before we get to Bill Hicks is like no one was like that before him like there was no kind of star of that magnitude it didn't exist and literally and like Michael Jackson took there was always stars right there was always you know there was Little Richard and Chubby Checker and there was always stars, right? There was always, you know, there was Little Richard and Chubby Checker, and there was always, like, Buddy Holly. There was stars. But not at that. No.

It was a different kind of star. Agreed, agreed. I'll say that to people. They go, wow, you recognize that. I said, I'm recognizable in the lineup. I'm not, like, a famous person. Yeah. They go, uh, like somebody last night said, you're red, right?

You're red. Red. I said, yes, red. Orange, you know. You're the red. You're red. Red. I said, yes, red. Orange, you know. You're the red. You're red top? Yes, red top. That's probably better.

Yeah, yeah. It's sustainable. I mean, you make a good living. You have a lot of people who love you. Yeah, exactly. You're better off that way than getting into that. Elvis definitely had a hard, I mean, and people always say, well, come on. How hard is it to be that famous?

Fuck, who knows? No one understands it. There's no one who understands it other than the people that get there. It's not possible. It's not possible to understand it. You could take a guess, and you could say, oh, but he has so much money. Let me tell you something about money, kids. Once you get past a certain amount, it doesn't feel like anything different.

Once you get past a certain amount, it doesn't feel like anything different. Like I had an apartment once when I first moved to Hollywood and I just got on television and I was on news radio and I was on the sitcom and I got this nice place and it had a loft and I had a pool table and I was like, look at this apartment. I would walk in the apartment. I'd go, fuck, this is my apartment. This is crazy. And I would look around at it. I'd go, this is, i can't believe i actually live

here and then i got accustomed to it and then and then i realized one day i was like sitting on the floor and i was like oh this is how everything is like once you get used to it then it's just a house right like your house it's like all your house needs to do is be comfortable and safe and you need to have like a nice place to go bed, a nice place to fix your meals, and whatever else you're into. After you get past that, it's just a house. Brian Cowan said this to me once, and it's one of the smartest things anybody ever said to me. He said, all you want as far as money, you want to have enough money

so you can go to dinner and not worry about what things cost. That's a brilliant thing to say because he's simple in that regard. That's what he, you know. I don't have any, besides my cock ring, I don't have any jewelry, no jewelry on. People always say to me too,

you're dressed like a homeless guy. Any day could be, so you might as well just be ready for it and have the clothes for it. By the way, that's great weed. That's not bad, right? I only took one, you saw, right?

One little hit. One little, I wouldn't even know. It the way, that's great weed. That's not bad, right? I only took one, like you saw, right? One little hit. Like one little, I wouldn't even know. It's like, and then, and then there's like three Joe Rogans here in front of me.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. So I tell you my Bill Hicks. Yeah. All right, only because this is, it started out where another, you know, some people are ripping on me.

So Bill Hicks. You know the Bill Hicks bit. Which one is it? The one about you? Yeah, that's what I was going to tell you first. So Bill Hicks says they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see Carrot Top.

Yeah. Which is a great line. That's a great line. It is a great line. And here I am, fucking 20 people, and they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see fucking Carrot Top. So I'm thinking, you know, I'm just thinking, oh, another hater, right? So I'm, you know, I'm playing in West Palm Beach at the Comedy Corner, which was the club when I wanted to, when I started. It was like I went there to audition and all of a sudden I'm headlining this club and Colleen McGar was dating Bill Hicks at the time. Yes.

And so he was sick. That was when he had cancer? Yeah. sick that was when he had cancer yeah and so I always said to her was she says something about I I didn't know he was even there I just knew she was dating him and I said it was like between shows and I said could you just pass on to Bill Hicks that uh you know hope I didn't he doesn't hate me and uh because she said you did a great show and I said yeah tell Bill pass it if you call him later

tell him that I hope he doesn't hate me and I just you know but I'm a huge fan and the year I won best comedian he was in the

he was in the running so it was like I almost was like you know the fact that I won pissed everybody off because you got Bill Hicks

what was the award Don American Comedy Awards everybody off because you got Bill Hicks. What was the award? American Comedy Awards? Yeah, Don Marrera, Bill Hicks, me, and two others. I forget now,

but I remember those two. And, and the, the, what's her name from, from Atlanta, the tall blonde. She brings me up.

She says, the winner is Carrot Top. And I go up and it's, well, I mean, she's, well, she's kind of like,

you know, whatever, Brett Butler. And so I, I go up and, and I, I, you know, I accept it. And I go up and it's, well, she's kind of like, you know, whatever, Brett Butler. And so I go up and I, you know, I accept it. And it was just, it was almost like, I wish I hadn't won because it was like, you know, I wanted Bill Hicks to win. Yeah. So anyway, I set up my show for the second show.

And Colleen says, come with me real quick. I want to tell you something. So she walks me in the hallway and who's standing in front of me? Bill Hicks. And it was like maybe a couple of weeks before he had passed and he was really sick. And I remember really thin and he had like, it was just, it was, it was just weird. And distended bellies? Yeah, and just, I mean, green. It was just, but it's Bill Hicks, and I was like, and he says to me, I don't fucking hate you, dude. And I said, oh, God, she must have gone and told him, and he's staying at the house behind the condo where the club is. And I said, oh, I wanted you to come down here, and you shouldn't be getting out of bed to come say that.

He says, no, I wanted to come clear the fucking thing. You and I, we're cool. You do what you do, and you do fucking do it, man. You kill it. You hear me? You keep doing what you do. And he gave me a hug, and then I went, and I had probably the best show I've ever had

because Bill Hicks gave me the blessings. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. That's what the world needs, man. The world needs communication. You know? What aicks gave me the blessing. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. That's what the world needs, man. The world needs communication. You know? What a sweet that was. He didn't have to come down and say hi to me.

And he's a comic and he's like, you know what? I was just being, you know, I was making, like you said, I was just making fun of you. Yeah. I don't hate you. I was just, you know. Well, you know what? There's people that, they don't mean harm. They just mean to get laughs and they're saying something that's funny.

And look, I have good friends that do it to me all the time. You know, Tim Dillon mocks me fucking almost every day. I don't think that the I think the problem is this. This happens outside away from each other and you don't talk about it, or you're not together. This is the problem with society. There's a comparison that can be made to the problem we have in society.

People are communicating with each other on social media. Instead of communicating with each other, they're communicating at or about each other, you know, like on social media. Instead of communicating with each other, they're communicating at or about each other. Sure. How about when you text somebody and it goes through, because we're comics and so, like, sarcasm doesn't fly in text. All the time. How great is that?

I'll say something like, I thought you'd never leave. And then he's like, dude, what? And I'm like, I'm kidding. Like, it was a joke. Like, I'm just kidding with you. I have a few groups of friends. We say horrible things to each other all the time. But they get it.

We love each other. Right. But as long as they get it. You send a text to someone and they don't get it, then you're like, fuck. No, it was a joke. Yes, exactly. But it's, you know, a lot is a lot. I mean, you have to look at things.

You can have like the least charitable interpretation of something and it's always going to cause a problem. But I think part of the problem is that people don't spend enough time one-on-one talking. You know, I mean, even that back in the day before social media, that was always an issue if you heard someone said something about you. You know, like someone said to someone else and then someone else comes to you, hey man, fucking Bob was talking some shit about you. And then you go to Bob and Bob's like, that's not what I meant. I was fucking upset because my girlfriend broke up with me or my car broke down or whatever.

You know, it's like communication one-on-one is the only way that human beings are really supposed to be talking to each other. And all that other stuff is just a mess. And all this interpretation. And then what I do is talk shit on podcasts for hours and hours of time. I forget what I'm saying. And then someone will say something, 10 years ago years ago you said this that's not really what I said like you got to listen to the whole thing right you take out of context yeah I don't hate you I'm not mad at you or this like come on man we're friends you

said that about floor you say they should build a wall around yes so this is sawed off and tell it to the Russians. I love Florida. I love Florida because it's wild. I like that better. My fucking sister lives there. Saw it off and sell it to the Russians. My sister lives there. I love Florida. Florida's a wild ass place. It is fun.

And I love how Florida responded to the pandemic. A lot of people think it's irresponsible, but I don't. But it's not though. And if you look at the numbers in Florida, they're the lowest. Well, not anymore. No, not anymore. Not right now. I mean, an hour ago.

Well, here's the thing i saw a lot of these politicians that were shitting on florida because of the number of cases that florida had and what they didn't realize that new york city has tens of thousands more right right than florida right right or new york so which is mostly new york city but it's not it's there's nothing wrong with florida but there is something wrong with wanting everyone to behave and think the way you do. Right. And if Florida, what they did, if you look at it in terms of like the economic cost, if you look at it in terms of loss of life, and if you look at it in terms of cases, you

can make a really good argument that they did the right thing. As Gene Sim would say, it was a pretty good run there, kid. Pretty good run. What's the, now you got a new impression. Oh yeah, that's not even what I did earlier, it was a pretty good run there, kid. Pretty good run. Now you got a new impression. That's not even what I did earlier. It's a pretty good run. Huge.

I think Gene Simmons talks like this. That's more, yes. If I wanted to tell you how Gene talks, it's more like this. There you go. That is definitely more.

What is mine? Mine is like- Yours is terrible. It's terrible. I didn't want to shit on you by doing mine. I was trying to do a Ringo Starr impression

and the guy's like, what the hell? I did a New Year's show once at the improv and Gene Simmons and his whole family came to see it and I was trying to do a Ringo star impression and the guy's like, what the hell? I did a New Year's show once at the improv and Gene Simmons and his whole family came to see and I was fucking legitimately starstruck. I was like, ah, shit. There's only been a couple of times in my life where I've been like full on starstruck.

I was going to say, who did that one? Willie D from the Ghetto Boys, full on starstruck. Because I was a giant Ghetto Boys fan when I was a kid. If I'm sure I'll ever meet Ice-T, I'll be full on starstruck because I was a giant ghetto boys fan when I was a kid if I'm sure if I'll ever meet Ice-T I'll be full on starstruck Ice-Cube Ice-T I think lives in Vegas

I've does he? yeah he's doing that show I think he's probably has a place there he did because I would go to like Vons

and they say hey you just missed Ice-T and I'm like oh crap well Ice-T can live where the fuck he wants and Flav lives in Vegas he's been on that

Dick Wolf show for like a hundred years he's probably got a fucking billion dollars in the bank like Ice-T can live where the fuck he wants. And Flava Flav lives in Vegas, of course. He's been on that Dick Wolf show for like 100 years. He's probably got a fucking billion dollars in the bank. Like, Ice-T's been on Law & Order for, I want to say, 25 years. Yeah, yeah, at least. You know, and that's like syndication money. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know.

So you know his stuff. I need a syndication money. Those are those shows that air around the world, too. Yeah. You know? Yep. That's a lot of money. They make a lot of money.

I had Queen came to the show. That was pretty. Wow. Really? Yeah. That's the only full-on starstruck where, like, weird. The full band? Not Freddie.

It was after Freddie died? It was, yeah. When did Freddie die? I want to say he died in the 90s. It was the 90s? Were you? Am I right? I should know that. I'm a huge queen fan yeah but um so uh 91 91 yeah i said 94 sorry 91 um you want to talk about a rare talent

oh no there's no one like there's no there's no front man i don't think that that if you go back and watch those things holy well he was just, he was just different than all of them. But forget the flant. He was so good. He would just work that crowd. I think about that almost every night when I go on stage. You've got to give it every fucking cent of your... You leave exhausted.

But Queen came. And so it was weird. Roger Taylor was coming to the show first time it was Roger Taylor and I said Roger Taylor so Roger Taylor

I know is like the drummer from Queen and he's fucking not coming to my show and they said yeah he's coming to your show he came back

well it was funny they told me after so I didn't I wasn't I didn't think I didn't know he was out there. So after, they said Roger Taylor wants to come back and say hi.

So anyway, he comes back and he's like, he was just hoping my Roger Taylor impression was better than I'd need it. Just do Gene Simmons' stuff. Scott, that was just unbelievable, yeah? I mean, just what the... So, you know, so nice, he says something to me, like, you know, so nice. He says something to me like, you know, take a picture of my crew and me and all that. And I said, you know, I'm actually going to go to London with my girlfriend.

This is years ago. And he said, oh, you must stay at the house, yeah? And I'm like, you know how people do. Of course, you're not going to do that. So then I'll say, here's my number. Scott, you know, give me a call. So I literally were going to London. So I just said, hey, listen, we'll meet for a drink he said no no i'm insist you

must stay at the house i said no we're not gonna stay at the house we're gonna get a hotel but we'd like to meet you for a drink at least so we go to stonehenge and my girlfriend is like on her deathbed i mean literally just like i don't know she was just that sick or didn't want to look at rocks and she's like i'm with her i'm like you know what i don't feel so good either it's fucking stonehenge that doesn't make any sense to me. So we said, I've got to go to Rogers now. So I call him and I said,

hey, you know, we're out. He's like, oh, you're like 30 minutes. When's Surrey? Yeah. So we're not going to one of your stupid friend's house.

I have to go back to go to sleep. I'm dying. And so I said, we have to go. It's Roger fucking Taylor, right? So this whole thing, she has no clue in her brain.

Just no clue. Like, doesn't get grass. Isn't it funny that back then too, if you were sick, you would go visit people still. Right. And no one would freak out. True. We brought in all this illness.

It's fine. I had to just stay in the car. Just stay in the fucking car. I'm going to go. So we get there and you're right. So they, so we don't feel, you're right. That's really weird. It's crazy.

So we, we get there and it's, it's not only a castle, it a castle it's like downton abbey it's fucking crazy right so my girlfriend's looking at me like who is it it's fucking queen it's like it's like stones queen well she knew queen was but she didn't grasp its queen it's like we will you know you know but it's everything it's like they're billionaires and she doesn't understand this. And this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful countryside house. And it's that castle. So anyway, they give her tea. Here's where it gets good. So she looks at me like, we really have to go.

And it was just unbelievable. We're in his house. And then Roger says, Scott, it's in my studio. And I just know I'm going to look over to her. She's going to be like, fucking kill you, right? And I say, we got to go to the studio. Yes. So they take us upstairs.

And we walk by all this Queen records, gold shit records, the whole fucking house, just records and records. And I said, oh, wow, Killers Live. That was my favorite album. Go up in the studio. Every drum set. I'm not making this up, it had like, and set up, like that was,

from that album, that was from Live Aid, this was, and I'm like losing my shit, right? And my girlfriend says, wow, you really like drums.

On my life, God strike me dead, if she was sitting right here, she goes, I don't know. And I literally was like losing my shit, right? So I look back,

Roger's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what? I said, she likes your drums, because? So I look back and Roger's like, I'm sorry, what? I said, she likes your drums. Because he's deaf from playing drums all the time. Thank God. Since then, I've told him, by the way, she said, you must like drums. But it was one of the, and so anyway, they meet us at the hotel bar that night.

And what does he bring for a guest? He was there for my birthday. What do you think he brings me to the bar? Drumsticks? No, that fucking Killer's Queen gold album. No! How cool is he? No way! And I went, oh no, Roger, I can't accept this. And he says,

well, this fuck you must. I go, no, I can't. And I said, you know, I only have a hundred more of these, right? And he's like, no, I'm not taking this one. It was presented to Roger Taylor. So I took it. Wow was like presented to Roger Taylor. So I took it. Wow. I had to take it.

I had to take it. Wow. But that was the, that would maybe the coolest. And since then they've come like Brian May and them have, have come to, they've all come through and they, and they,

they can't be nicer and sweeter and bigger fans. Like, you know, Brian May's just like, cause being, it's weird coming from like someone they're beyond you know fucking magical rock stars

they think what we do is like how the fuck do you tell a joke like they don't get it so it's cool well it's for regular people it's like everything else though right I mean I can kind of imagine what it would be like playing drums in front of a large audience if I started playing drums and then like playing drums in front of a large audience if i started playing

drums and then started playing drums in a local band started doing gigs and then eventually moved up and same same it's like everything like everything incremental it'll be a lawyer being a rocket scientist being strapped in the shuttle like what the fuck when they rehearsed they rehearsed they practiced well that's why it's fascinating to watch people do something that you don't do at all that's one of the reasons why I love music I love watching musicians cuz I don't know how I don't I can't play anything same same Yeah, so it's fascinating I like when I used to go to launches and I'd see these astronauts and they take you into the you could

Because my dad worked that they take into the like the cockpit and shit Yeah, sit in these and you're like there's five thousand switches and right and you're like do they know they go Yeah switches in there. And you're like, do they know? And they go, yeah, they know where every switch does. I'm like, fuck. Yeah. Don't knock that one. But it's like everything in life, right? Especially when you take it to the furthest extreme. It's like there's levels and levels to everything.

It's one of the things that's most fascinating about being a person is like you can pick a path. Yeah, yeah, yeah path and get into whatever it is that you really love to. I always tell young kids, you know, pick something you want. I hate when people come and say, I want to be famous. Like, what does that mean? You don't want to be famous. You want to do something that you enjoy, right? Yeah.

Your passion. Your money will follow. Maybe. True. True. I don't know what it is. But it's not. Forget that. Forget money. That's funny. Maybe. True. I don't know what it is. But it's not, forget that. Forget Monday Face.

That's funny. Maybe. No, but I mean. You might starve to death. Yes, you might. You might just really. But you might starve to death doing something you enjoy. Because you want to go do a job that you hate going to every day.

What the fuck? Why do it? It's like telling the antelopes, when you see the lion run. Right. And you'll be okay. Well, maybe. Maybe. Maybe you'll be the one that they eat, and then everybody else will be okay. I mean, that's the reality of life.

It's not guaranteed. And there's a lot of people that follow their dreams, and they wind up broken, man. I mean, I've known that. I'm sure you know that in comedy. I mean, how many guys do you know that you started out with that kind of had potential? Yeah, a lot. Well, there's a lot funnier guys than me.

I got very lucky in the timing of when everything hit and what I did, you know what I mean? Like, I couldn't imagine if I was starting now. I don't even know if there's any comedy shows on TV anymore. I mean... Like... Well, I mean, it's like Netflix. It's like Netflix is basically it. That's it.

That's what I'm saying. So if Netflix is going to do it, I used to be able to do Comic Street Live and Evening at the Improv and The Tonight Show and Conan and all those shows, the late night shows, that's where you got your view. Do they still have Unknown comics on Like the Tonight Show Or

I don't think that No I don't think any Late night show Puts on comics anymore Really Unless you're Selling a book

Or doing something You know I used to do The Tonight Show Like every Month I would call Jay What's that

That's my That's my impression That's better than Gene Simmons That's crazy That makes more sense So That's my impression. That's better than Gene Simmons. That makes more sense than Gene Simmons. So I used to, at all times, in fact, one time we were doing it, and I remember I had to go back and do a show in Vegas. So I did the show.

I think it was like, it might have even been like New Year's Eve. And he says, I said, I got to go back to Vegas. He goes, I'm going back to Vegas tonight too. I said, oh, are you in Southwest? He goes, yeah, I'm in Southwest. I said, I literally had my ticket. He said, no, do you want to go with me in my jet? And I said, when? He goes, right after the show. I have a show. I have a show. Let's go together. So me and my assistant and Jay get on the jet, his jet,

and we're flying into Vegas and I'm thinking, this is one of those moments you just kind of like take, he's dead asleep, mouth wide open. I'm thinking the whole time, I'm so,

I don't want to throw a peanut in his mouth. You know what I mean? It's just like Jay Leno, his head's this big, right? Just a big, big head and you're just like, I'm staring at him

and he has like, he has a thing, like carrot top written on his, in his briefcase because I guess it was something about he had a folder the folder I said carrot top on it but I guess it was just to I don't know to remind him I'm on the jet with him or whatever I don't know it's just a carrot but I'm looking at my assistant I'm looking I said this is a moment we just take in we're on a private jet with fucking Jay Leno he's passed out and it's really

bad weather we're just we're bouncing around like so bad, right? And it's getting really bad. So I'm holding on to the things like, oh, fuck, I really don't like this. And we hit some really bad air pockets, and he's just, literally just, that's crazy. And he's having a dream. So he wakes up, he looks over, And I'm like, oh, God. He's like, you okay? I said, no, I'm really not, Jay.

This is, fuck, if I, he goes, you think though. He says, if we go down and we die, the newspaper's going to say, Jay Leno dies with two unknowns. I'm like, well, you know, fucker, I was just on your show. I'm known.

He really said that? Yeah. How rude. Yeah, rude. That's a little fucking cock wave. No, he was just being funny. I got known. Yeah. He really said that? Yeah. How rude. Yeah, rude. That's a little fucking cock-waved. No, he was just being funny. I got a cock-waved on you. Jay Leno goes down with two unknowns.

Two unknowns. How rude. I said, I think I said something like, well, I could have done Letterman. I would have been known, but I did your show instead. Wah, wah, wah. Jay Leno is so much better on his car show than anything else he's ever done. Yeah, yeah. Other than stand-up. I asked to be on, because I've done the show with him since I said, can I better on his car show than anything else he's ever done. Yeah, yeah. Other than stand-up.

I asked to be on, because I've done the show with him since, and I said, can I be on the car show? I didn't know you liked cars. I said, I don't have to like cars. I can still be on your show and make it. Let me be on your show. What kind of car do you have? I said, I just have one.

He's like, one? I said, yeah, I have a G-Wagon. That's all I got. He's like, well, that's not. I said, no, I'll be G-Wagon. That's all I got. He's like, well, that's not. I said, no, I'll be in one of the, I'll come out of the trunk with my props. We'll make it funny. We have to know a little bit about cars. I know a little bit about a car.

I mean, I know the hood is there and the trunk. It'd be fun. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I really, you know. It's not that kind of show. Yeah. It's the kind of show for someone who's obsessed with cars. Like, I'm a car freak. So for me, it's like. Okay. So of show. Yeah. It's the kind of show for someone who's obsessed with cars. Like, I'm a car freak.

So for me, it's like. Okay, so you probably. Yeah. I'm not a car freak. It's like if I had you on an. I mean, I like cars. If I had you on an MMA show, do you know anything about UFC? Yeah.

A lot? Well, I know, I know, I know, I know. What's his, right, Dana? Oh, that guy. You see what I'm saying? Like, if I had an MMA show and I wanted to talk about possible matchups

and I had you on you really wouldn't know I would say that guy he looks mean that guy looks scary yeah hook him up well I went to a match

this is funny in Vegas and this is not a joke so I go to this they put me right in the front of the chain fucking right

the cage cage so you already would have been horrible on your, I think where the contest takes place. The thing where the, where the thing where the, Oh, the cage.

Right. So you know a lot about this, right? I know enough. So I'm, I'm right there. And this guy's getting, I mean,

badly beaten. Just, he couldn't get up and the guy's just, and I'm right this close to like holding onto the fence and his face is like, bam, bam, bam. Right. And he literally is getting, and his face is like, bam, bam, bam, right? And he literally is getting, and he opens his eyes,

he goes, Carrot Top. Really? Oh, my God. I go, get up, because I can't. Yeah, it's just a great scene. Carrot Top. I said, get up. He's like, I can't.

And I kept saying, don't hurt my friend. Hey. That's called a lack of focus. He's really supposed I can't. And I kept saying, don't hurt my friend. Hey. That's called a lack of focus. He's really supposed to be paying attention on the task at hand. Well, that's what made me laugh because he just recognized he's the only one. That's the guy who pursued his dream and maybe he's one of them antelopes. Maybe. Maybe he's one of them antelopes with a limp. That's just part of.

It was great though for me. I was like, dude. Yeah, fun for you I was on the other side Of the fence Yeah But then I kept Telling the other guy

Just leave him alone He's my friend He knows me I don't think you listened right I know Yeah it doesn't work that way No So people that have never

Been to it live before Are stunned The energy And also the fact It's so different When there's no commentary Cause you're kind of like Watching it play out

In your head And you hear What is he doing? Who's winning? You hear stuff like that from people in the audience. Yeah, you're definitely right, though. You'd have to have commentary. Well, not necessarily because like some fights, you just see what's happening.

You know what's going on. You just hear the pounding. Yeah, you see people getting fucked up. Just that sound. Yeah. Fucking, ugh. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of that.

It's like that with NASCAR, too. I got in with NASCAR when I was doing some AT&T commercial shit back in the day. And so they said, you've got to go to a Palo Dego or whatever, Daytona thing. So I said, okay. I grew up in Florida, but never been to a race. And you go to that, and you're like, holy shit. Well, not just that, but it's like so smart. It's like, you know, people make fun of NASCAR. It's like's like they're dumb they're idiots not only do they all come in their private jets

but the the calculations and the people and the number crunching and the shit happening during the whole race that's unbelievable i take a quarter pressure quarter thing and then lead pull that down and just crank one it's like you just leave they're going fuck these guys are brilliant yeah there's a lot of engineering involved, right? Engineering. There's a lot of money involved. Whenever there's a lot of money, those pit crews. Yeah, their brain.

But it's funny how people think of NASCAR as dumb, and then you look and you're like, this is completely smart. It is, but the thing about that drives people nuts is that it's a circle. That's true. Just going around. That used to be one of my jokes in my show. I said, Danica Patrick,

she had her blinker on the whole time. It was some stupid joke I forgot to say. I think she had her blinker on the whole time. But they should make half the cars go the other way. That would be fun. Have half the cars that way and half the cars go that way. Right.

That would be fun. Yeah, it would be fun. Jesus Christ, that would be wild. You might have just created a new sport. There you go. That would be fun, right? Fuck yeah. Half the cars start up that way and then they go and go. That would be fun, right? Fuck, yeah. Oh, they're going to have the cars start up that way, and then they go, and go.

They would have to make the cars much more protected, but if they did that. Well, you just make them like a ramp, and that way if they did hit it, they just fly. Wow, fly to the air. That was one of my first props I ever rode. Dennis Miller, by the way. Can I tell you my Dennis Miller thing? No. Okay.

Please. So I was performing it. This is one of my, it goes back to like weird shit. So I was performing, I only had like 15 minutes, maybe tops, one trunk of stuff. And that's how I actually, funny enough, I used to say, God, if I just build more shit, I could do more time. So if I have more shit, I could headline. So I had like one trunk. It was like maybe 20 props, five were good good i've just spread it out and try to get

through so they called me literally like four in the afternoon i'm in charlotte and they said you want to open for dennis miller at wake forest university and i said when they said tonight i said tonight fuck it's four in the afternoon i gotta how am i gonna get to wake so yeah you know three hours you can drive there and you can open so i said fuck yeah right it's four in the afternoon. How am I going to get to wake? So, you know, three hours, you can drive there and you can open. So I said, fuck yeah, right? It's my first big, so I take my little problem. What year is this?

90 or 89, 80 something. Maybe somewhere in that. Right. And so I get there and it's a huge auditorium. It's their homecoming. It's fucking, right. It's fucking right. It's like 4,000 seat arena.

And I remember the Braves were playing in the World Series against somebody. So he's a big Pittsburgh. And the only reason I know this is because Dennis Miller is a big Pittsburgh Pirate fan. So I get there and I'm like just beyond nervous. I set my little trunk up and the packed crowd and the guy sends me out

and he says, do 15 minutes. I said, I don't know if I have 15. I'll do what I can do. The crowd was so good, right? So I go out and I'm just doing like my Wendy's,

all my fucking shit that was, and I like three jokes in. One was a car. I said they should make a car built like a ramp so if you have a collision, you just jump over, right? And it kills. And then I pick up my paper cups and string with the call waiting in it. Oh, that was the closer. So I waited for that.

So I look over. Yeah, it was my huge closer. And I look over and I see, oh, fuck fuck there's Dennis Miller standing with the guy that booked me right and Dennis Miller's just standing there watching and he's

I remember he's just being really short kind of guy and the guy was the guy was going like you know and I'd only I've only done like three jokes

oh Dennis wants you to get off stage I guess so I look over and then I look over again then I do another joke and then I do another joke and then I look and the guy's like,

just like, wrap it up, right? And I'm like, I've only done not even five minutes. So I do my closer, my big paper cups and string. Yeah, here's one for the new

and call waiting and then conference calling and da da da. Fuck else. I'm not even done with it. He walks out and he says, leave your shit.

Because I was going to get it out of the way for him. Right. And I said, okay. And then he didn't say anything. And then I went up into the rafters of the theater and watched him perform. And afterwards, anyway, he left, right? And so then he kicked, he said something like, he picked up the car with the ramp, and he looked at it, and he went and threw it.

But they tossed it. Right. And the whole crowd was like, what the fuck, right? Because they loved me. I was just young. They were like, they loved me. I was doing so well. And they could tell that he just made fun of me and defaced my young. They were like, they loved me. I was doing so well. And they could tell that he just like made fun of me and like, you know, defaced my thing.

And it went like, oh. He's like, take it easy. At the fucking, they called me Topper. He says, Topper is funny, right? Show's over. I go to say hi to him. He already left. I didn't want to say hi.

I said, okay. So then for five years at least, he would make fun of me on his show. Any show he did, he would make fun of me, like getting a bad write. And then one day Margaret Cho is on like an election night thing they used to do with Dennis Miller. And he says something about Carrot Top. And she says, why do you have – Carrot Top is a sweet guy. Why do you hate him so much? And he says, I'll tell you why.

And he says he opened for me. And he's had the school wrong, Notre Dame or something. And he did, you know, 35 minutes. He's supposed to do 10. He did 35 minutes, and he doesn't know how to watch his time, and he needs to learn that and da-da-da-da-da this, right? I'm like, well, wait a minute. So all these years go by, I'm in a hotel in LA, doors open and I said, Dennis, and he goes, Topper, I said, we have to clear something up. He says, what's that? I said, not only is your story not holding, no, no, my whole, you went long and I said, wait.

I said, I couldn't have gone long because I only had five fucking minutes so I didn't go long I said let's just clear the air I didn't go long I couldn't have gone long there was no possibility I could go long and I you know that that's the story and he's like yeah well whatever bolts off I'm like that went well and then I'm with David Spade one night and I said David Spade I said hey could you could you like uh help me clear the air with fucking dennis miller you guys see what happened i said i tell him the story he goes no he went long i said i couldn't go i to this day i couldn't go i didn't

go long so anyway finally he's like whatever just you know what let it go dude i'm like again i want to be i want him to like me i want him to be my friend. Of course. So then it was an all-star basketball game in Vegas. And I go in and everyone's like, all the ESPN people are there. And I sit down and who's sitting right behind me? Dennis. Yeah. So I look back and I go, Dennis. And he goes, yeah, I said, something about, well, I got one seat better than you, or something about my hair blocking. You won't be able to see the game because of my stupid hair or something. Probably really ruined your night.

He says, you know what's really going to ruin my night? And I said, what? He says, my son wants to meet you. He was so mad. My son loves you. I said, oh, my God, that must really burn your, I really hate that. And he goes, yeah, he's your bigot. He loves Carrington.

I said, see, tell your dad that I'm okay. That's hilarious. Yeah, so now I think we've become good friends. It was just, again, communication and misunderstanding. I didn't, you know, I wouldn't have done that. Well, it's also people get real tense before they go on stage, and if they feel like you're doing something that they don't like, some comics get upset.

I hope he didn't have a car with a ramp. No, I don't think he did. He's doing my joke. I have a car with a ramp. It's all one of those things. It's like, who booked that? Why would you take a guy who's got these witty one-liners and put him with a guy who's a prop act?

It's like they don't necessarily jive. Well, actually, it would have jived pretty good because it was so different. The crowd was going. But that's a prop act. It's like they don't necessarily jive. I don't know. Well, actually, it would have jived pretty good because it was so different. Actually, the crowd was going... But that's not always good. Oh, well, true. Difference is not always good. Well, that's true.

I had a guy with dog, some dog thing happened before my show. A dog thing? It was a guy, they sent a thing, and I said, oh, that'd be kind of funny. It's like dogs doing like whatever, and that might be cute before my show, and it was just horrendous.

So you had an act with dogs? It was like a dog that, yeah, did this, whatever. The dog performed with them? Yeah, something like that. I forget now, it's been too long ago. But the only funniest pet one I've ever seen, I think his name is Bruce Belocchi. He opened for Amazing Jonathan one night

and this is brilliant shit. I don't know why I didn't think of this. So there's a little carpet stage, right? Just enough for like your dog. Just enough for a little dog. And there's a microphone just like this. There's the stage, a little microphone. And they said, please, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome whatever the fuck,

Muffy so-and-so. And the little fucking rabbit, this is great, walks up on the thing and grabs the mic like this. The dog grabs the mic? No, the bunny. Oh, the bunny? It's a bunny. It was a bunny. It's not a dog.

No, that was different. This is amazing. I wish I'd hired him. It's that fucking weed. I would have hired this guy. It was so fucking good though, right? So this little bunny rabbit comes up and he grabs, but he doesn't just go up and he grabs it like this.

And he says, well, it's up, motherfuckers, right? So what the guy did, he's got a little feeder in it. Right. And he's trained, of course, to hold like this. But then when he'd feed it, he would go like this. And he'd say, hey, motherfuckers. And it was like, it was eating like food. Yeah, it was 20 minutes of this rabbit

telling really funny, dirty jokes. And the way he would mannerism with the mic, he's like, yeah, and then a fucking, and these fucking cocksuckers over here. That's hilarious. Yeah, it was great. It was very, it was a brilliant.

That's brilliant. It was brilliant. I remember the whole time, not only am I crying, I'm like, why didn't I think of that? God damn it. That is a great idea. And if you get that rabbit to really keep being. I remember the whole time, not only am I crying, I'm like, why didn't I think of that? God damn it. That is a great idea. And if you get that rabbit to really keep eating.

I think it was Bruce Block, I think his name was. If you get the rabbit to keep eating and you had some good, solid jokes. Oh, yeah, he could do anything. That's a great idea. No, it's great. But yeah, he never really did. I think Bruce is down there doing the voice. Like, hey, look at this lady over here.

I met Dennis Miller. The first time I met Dennis Millerer i was at one of those um have you ever done one of those um television things where you do like a block of press and they have like it's been so long i forget what they call them but whenever you press yeah junket thing so there'd be like a bunch of stars from a bunch of different NBC shows and what have you. And so I'm peeing and Dennis pulls up beside me and he goes, hey, Joey, you got yourself a hit over there, huh? And I look over and I said, yeah, it's doing pretty good. He says, yeah, that fear factor, doing pretty fucking good, pal. Congratulations.

I go, oh, okay. It's just weird when you're talking to somebody for the very first time and you have your dick in your hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're standing like a foot away from you and they're like, congratulations. I go, oh, okay. It's just weird when you're talking to somebody for the very first time and you have your dick in your hand and they're standing like a foot away from you and they're like, hi. We have something in common. We have something very similar. I'm not making this up. Bill Maher, if he was sitting right here,

he'd remember this. So I had never met Bill Maher. It was at the American Comedy Awards and it might've been the night that I won. So I go into the bathroom. I didn't know he was in there. So first of all, before I even do the, Bill Maherher's ping next to me, next to me was Casey Kasem. Oh, wow.

And next to Casey Kasem, this is not a joke. You can't make this shit up, right, was Larry King. So when I walk into the bathroom, I see, not a joke. Three icons. No, I see, no, he had his pants all the way down which one casey no uh bill no larry king that seems like and i went i walked in i remember thinking i saw no seriously but you think why would you get suspended but he had it just like who does that i like who does that when you pee you don't probably do that from now on yeah fuck it all the way down and so i that

caught my eye i was like what the fuck and fuck? And then I see Casey Kasem. He's really short. And then Bill Maher. So I literally come in like a horse into my stall, and I look over, and I see Casey Kasem. And I look over at Bill Maher. And all he said was, I said, nice cock. And he's like, what the? And now Bill, you know, Bill, he just loses his shit, right?

He's laughing so hard. And then Casey Kasem's like, what the fuck is going on in this bathroom, right? It's comedy words anyhow. So I go back to my table. And Bill Maher's table's a couple over from mine. He's got like 20 people literally at his table. And he's telling his whole table. And they're all looking over at me.

And he's like, come here. And I'm like, fuck. So I go over and I go, Hey, and he says, tell him what I said. You already told him what I did.

And he's like, that was fucking funny and very risky. I said, I was just, I didn't know what to say to you. I just, I'm a big fan. So I figured,

Hey, nice cock. And it's really not, but I've just, I just want to get on your show. And he says, you want to be in my show? And I said,

yeah, he says, call me literally call me tomorrow. And I'm, if you were be in my show? And I said, yeah. He says, call me, literally, call me tomorrow if you're available this weekend. Like, literally that week. And I was on the show like three days later. Wow. Because I said he had a nice cock. That's nice.

Just politically incorrect days? Yeah, politically incorrect, yeah. That was a fascinating situation. You talk about like someone getting canceled from a show that was like probably the best thing that could ever happen. Oh. Like him, he was, this was during the iraq war right and he was talking about like i think that his what he said was something a lot i don't want to fuck it up but like who's a coward the people who flew the planes in the building of the people who drop bombs from a distance or

something right something along those lines and people got very, very, very upset, and then they wound up pulling the show. Yeah. And then he went over to HBO, and it became an infinitely better version of the show. True. He's one of the best people of our era of pushing back against the most extreme,

ridiculous, leftist sort of censoring views. And he's kind of all over the place, too. Cancer culture thing. He's kind of all over the place. Well, he's very liberal, but he's an old school liberal, as I am. It's like there's a thing, there's a difference between liberals that are just like, they think of themselves as open-minded people that realize that not everybody starts off at the same starting point. So this idea of pull yourself up by your own bootstrings is pretty ridiculous.

That's me. That's what I think. And that we all need some social programs. The world needs them. I mean, when I was a kid, I was on welfare. My parents were on welfare. We had food stamps. Like, I remember that very clearly. And so, like so the idea that everybody should just figure it out on their own, no, man. If we're a community, we're supposed to be helping each other. And there's a certain amount of social programs that benefit society. of pushback against certain aspects of our society that become almost like cult-like and they don't make sense and things get preposterous and ridiculous and they go too far with things and that's where Bill stands. It's like he's more of an old school, like being a liberal from 20 years ago was very different than being a liberal of today or a leftist of today. Like people today are like leaning so far towards socialism and Marxism that it's like

I don't know if they're doing it because they've thought it through, if they're doing it because this is the ideology of the moment, of the youth, and they think they're going to reshape society and change things, which is like every young group thinks they're going to do that, every new group of people. But Bill, in my opinion, is one of the very best of our current crop of people That's got a voice that speaks out against that stuff. He's he's brilliant actually he's yes, and his show is brilliant Whoever's writing those things is brilliant. I know one of the Scott someone yeah, he's I don't know for years. He's been with him day one

Yeah, well there's a whole bunch of writers. It's a very good show. Yeah, his main guy is a girl. Yeah, it's complicated. I feel like that show would even be better

if it was like a long format show on the internet with no censoring. Going back to my shit, I should drink. You drink whatever you want, buddy.

There's nothing wrong with Crown. I was just joking. My first beer I ever had, my dad worked back at space center but uh went to a launch and i was like 12. we go to see a shuttle launch and uh 100 you know florida 100 degrees out and sitting there i said can we get like a hot dog on a coke

or something my dad's like what do you want i said i don't know coke and a hot dog he says the line for coke and hot dog was like 70 deep and the line for a beer was like two so my dad looks at me he says you're drinking a fucking beer and i said a beer i'm 12 he goes just don't tell your mom i said okay so i saw like three launches that day and i got home my mom was like how was the launch there was like three rockets he's like what's wrong with you? I said, no, I had beer. You gave him a beer. Isn't that funny? Because that's my dad's logic. He's like, I'm not waiting in the fucking line. You're getting a beer.

When you saw the launch, did you wonder if it was going to blow up? Well, this is prior to the blowing up one. The Challenger one? Yeah. But I was, of course, my dad knew everybody on that one. Oh, did he really? Yeah. I was in college at the time and I I was driving like a courier van. And I remember, you know, the news came on, and I was like, what the?

It was on the talk radio I used to listen to. Before I had cell phones, I pulled over and found a pay phone, and I called my dad. And he was like just, you know, at the space center and just losing his mind. He's like, yeah, yeah, it just happened. I was at this girl I was dating. We kind of stopped dating. We kind of broken up, and she moved to another part of the state, and I went to visit her there.

And I think she had gone to school. I think I had graduated from high school, and she was still a senior. I think that's what was happening. So she had gone to school, and I was staying at her house still. And I watched TV. And I didn't see the actual bomb, the actual Challenger blow up. I saw a replay of it. They were playing the replay on TV.

So I turned on TV and I was like, holy fuck. I think, I don't know if she was there or not. It's hard to remember. It was so long ago. But I never forget like seeing it and trying to figure out what was happening. What's going on with that? Imagine people there watching it, too. It didn't make sense.

When there's a tragedy and you see a video of it, you're like, is this real? Am I watching something that's real? Did this really happen? It was nice. You see fucking Jeff Bezos is going flying around. What is he doing? Richard Branson, they're all going into space like my guys guys guys neighbors on one of those flights coming up with Branson I think so many people are given Jeff Bezos shit because he was at a party for New Year's

Dress it was a disco party and they're shitting all over the way. He was dressed. I think he looks great Okay, a lot of you people are fucking haters. They're haters because What do you look like? Well, here's the thing. There's a video. I'd like you to find this video before you show me what he looked like. There's a video from Jeff Bezos. He's driving a Honda and he's being interviewed by this guy. And he's worth, at the time was Amazon was just taking off and he was worth approximately eight billion dollars and so the guy says to him yeah this is it play this 1999 play this somewhere in the vicinity of nine or ten

billion dollars today I only say that because I've got a follow-up question. Okay. What's with the Honda? This is a perfectly good car. Okay, now. That's good. This is 1999, okay? So here we are 20, almost 22 years later. Look at him. What's wrong with that?

First of all, he's fucking jacked. I was going to say he's ripped. He's got a beautiful girl in him. She's hot as fuck. She's hot as the sun. Looks like he's packing some heat. He's jacked and he's dressed for a disco party. So he had a disco party at his house. So what's wrong with that?

There's nothing wrong with that. But that is a full transformation. But see, that's another thing of people. Why are people just being mean? Well, it's just because he's now worth $180 million billion. He's worth like, I think it's between him and Elon. They go back and forth as who's the richest person in the world right look at him he's jacked jacked look at him that's

that same dorky guy in the honda and now he probably oh wow you're right that wow yeah he's carrot top in the fucking late late 80s or whatever it was what year was it when he got really jacked oh it's more than that it's like in the 2000s. Yeah. But yeah, it lasted for a small bit. He's riding that testosterone replacement therapy ride, and he's in full effect. But why? Who cares? I never understood that. Who cares?

If he was a rapper and he was doing that, everybody would be like, fuck, yeah, look at Pitbull. Right, right, right. But why does anyone care about anyone else's personal choices of things too i've never understood no matter what it is whether it's just doing steroids or doing this or doing that or doing that what is it what's the point two for two things one because it's fun to make fun of people so you look at him right there it's fun to say oh fucking midlife crisis but let's be honest, he's killing it. Yeah. The guy's killing it.

There's nothing wrong with it. Looks great. Yeah. You go back to that guy in the Honda. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. This is a perfectly good car. It's a great car.

He's a nerd, yeah. Yeah, go back to that guy in a 1999 Honda, and then who knows? What does Jeff Bezos drive today? I mean, he's probably- Maybe the same Honda. Got some fucking exotic handmade shit. Yeah, probably. They fly in from overseas.

They chrome, like Justin Bieber out of chrome. He's probably balling out of control. Yeah. Completely out of control. Why not? Yeah. Good for him. Well, why not?

But the point is, it's like, you know, like Jeff, Jeff Bezos is successful. Yeah. Why shouldn't he be jacked with a super hot girlfriend dressing like a pimp? Right. He's got a really nasty Bugatti. Let me see the fucking Bugatti. Let's see the goddamn Bugatti.

I like it. I like it, Jeff. I like the new you. This is how I feel. That's a great Jesus. Yeah. Look at that. That's like a $5 million car. I was trying to find a picture of him in it

so I could know for sure. I think they're worth like $5 million. Wow. They're preposterous cars. That's Jeff Bezos' Bugatti. Woo! Look at that. Why not? I remember I did the Tonight Show with Jay. He always has all those cars. One day I went out, you know, that parking spot he had right there in the front.

He said it was a bike, but it had a jet engine on it. Oh yeah, I've seen that. I thought it was a joke. Yeah. So I look, I'm standing there looking at it. I'm like, what the fuck? And Jay comes out and I said, is that like a jet bike? And he goes, yeah, it's a jet bike.

I said, well, how fast does this go? He goes, it's a fast one. I said, well, how fast have you had it? And he's like, yeah, like 180. I'm like, 180? You know, of course, from L.A. to Vegas probably, and that's a stretch. But I'm like, when else can you go on a jet?

Why do you need a jet bike to go through L.A.? How would you just have so much money? I'm just, I'm can you go on a jet? Why do you need a jet bike to go through LA? I would just, for shit, you have so much money, I'm just, I'm going to get a jet bike. Well, he's just fascinated by cars. He's got a fire truck. Oh, no, he's great. And then I asked him to bring in, which made you think of the story with the cars,

I asked him, his assistant, Helge, I said, could Jay bring in the Ford GT? Because I saw that he had it on something. And she said, yeah. So pull up. Nice enough. He drove it in just for me to look at it. And he says to me, do you want the one you want to see?

I said, yeah. I love this car. And he goes, you know, I have a McLaren. I could have brought that. I said, I don't want the McLaren. I want the Ford GT. And he's like, the McLaren is way better. He was shocked.

That's the one I wanted to see. I have way better cars. And I've seen the fire truck. Imagine Jay Leno driving down the fucking 405 with his fucking fire truck. Which he does. Was it the older Ford GT? Yeah, it was the Ford GT. 2005-ish.

Yeah, probably. With this double blue stripe on the white with double blue stripes. What is that? What is that? Lamborghini? Venen... Venen... Venen...

It's the most expensive car he has, according to the article. Most expensive car that Jay has? Venen... Venen... Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos? Carsgate Bezos has got a fucking million cars. I love it.

I still like the Cannonball Run. I love the fact he goes from the fucking Honda to that. Yeah, to that. He goes from dorky guy with a hair on the sides. He might have a big pickup truck, too. To fully jacked man with a smoking hot girlfriend on a yacht. That's the cheapest car he has, apparently. That's the cheapest car.

That's the cheapest car. It's only a million dollars. Wait, what is it going backwards? It's like Southwest. What is it? Ferrari Pinafarina Sergio. It's a $3 million car. Doesn't it look like it's going backwards?

It does look like it's going backwards. Yeah, it does. It's weird looking. It's cool. It is cool. I love it look like it's going backwards? It does look like it's going backwards. Yeah, it does. It's weird looking. It's cool. It is cool. I love it. I've never even seen that before. Where's the windshield?

I would actually drive it backwards just to fuck with people. I'd go strange. It seems like it doesn't have a windshield. Yeah, it doesn't have a windshield. Do you have to wear goggles? What if you get hit in the face with a squirrel? What if like a fucking... That doesn't have a windshield.

That has no windshield. Like, oh my God. Hey, I'm in the car with him. Wait a minute. Jeff Bezos and Carrot Top. But why would you buy a car with no windshield? That's just silly. Well, he has no hair.

He's fine. Yeah, but your face. It's a mess. If you fly into a flock of birds, you're a dead man. No. Like, just a bug. I like this. He's too rich.

He doesn't need a fucking windshield. But if you're going 180 miles an hour and you hit a bug, is're a dead man. Just a bug. I like this. He's too rich. He doesn't need a fucking windshield. But if you're going 180 miles an hour and you hit a bug, is that what it's like? Oh, maybe you can... What? Really? Maybe. No. I think the top one's a concept. I don't think it's real. You have to have them.

That's what it is. They just took the picture of the concept car. They do stuff like that. I have muscle cars and sometimes when they build them, they don't put side mirrors on them. And they want to keep no side mirrors on it. And I'm like, hey guys, I need side mirrors. I drive these things. But these guys who make custom cars, they don't want to put side mirrors on them. They want to keep it sleek.

Look up Joe Rogan's 1969 Nova. My friend Steve Strope is building me a 1969 Nova. Look, when I was in high school, man, I was obsessed with cars, and I was obsessed with muscle cars. And at the time, that's what it looked like in the rough, but there's newer images of it where it's finished, where you can see the shine. That's just the bare metal.

It was released recently keep scrolling like right there right there where you're clicking on right there right there so that is what it looks like now so that's like but see look no side mirrors and that's my buddy right right the cursor is over my buddy steve strope who's a masterful car designer you're right there no side mirrors but you're right because it would it would keep it more. That's a beautiful car. It's beautiful. I love those. That's a beautiful, beautiful car.

Oh, my God. I love those 1960s muscle cars. Yeah, those kind of cars are cool. I always wanted to find a Ford or a Chevy truck. Oh, dude, I could find you one. Like, you know, the one with the big round back mirror or the window on it. Uh-huh.

Dude, whatever you eat. A burnt orange. Oh, yeah. Like a really burnt orange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude Dude you know what you should get You should get an Icon Thriftmaster Do you know what that is Well you need to check out this

My friend Jonathan Ward Jonathan Ward is He runs Icon That's what I'm saying That's so weird Is that Ward's Thriftmaster That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's so weird. Yeah, is that Ward's Riffmaster? That's almost exactly what I'm talking about. Even the same damn color.

That's a 48. That's not Jonathan's. That's a 1948 Chevy. That's a gorgeous, gorgeous car, though. Oh, that's for sale. That's at Vanguard Motor Sales. There's a site called VanguardMotorSales.com. I think it's VanguardMotors.com.

But they specialize in a lot of these really cool old... Go to VanguardMotors.com, but they specialize in a lot of these really cool old – go to VanguardMotors.com. Just go there. They probably have a card like this for sale there because that came from Vanguard. I visit their website all the time just to see what kind of shit they have. And if you scroll into their inventory, just click current inventory. The older – yeah, see? So you go really old. They have like a 1941 Willys. Scroll into their inventory. Just click current inventory. The older, yeah, see? Oh, wow. Geez.

So you go really old. They have like a 1941 Willys. But if you scroll down, scroll down a little, they have those pickup trucks. Oh, yeah, yeah. They do. Look at that. 55 Ford. Look at that black one in the middle.

I like the black one, actually, more than I like the... Oh, shit. Look at that thing. Oh, and that's a Resto mod, too. So it's got a modern Coyote engine. So it's got a modern Ford engine, which is what I love. I love when they take an old car, but they put new shit in it. Oh, they have a few. They have

four different Restomods that are from the 50s. Look at that F100 pickup truck, the green one. Holy shit, that's badass. God damn. And look at the red one in the middle. That's another Restomod. Supercharged 350. But yeah, this is my style

of car. But I agree with you. If you're going to do a car, the muscle cars are beautiful. Oh, my God. Look at that Ford Bronco. Oh, my God. It's beautiful. OJ's right underneath the OJ underneath it. No, it's a different car.

He lives in Vegas. I see OJ all the time, by the way. Do you really? Yeah. What is that like? Hey, scroll up a little bit. Scroll up a little bit. I'll tell you my OJ's great.

Scroll up. Go left. That green rest. Click on that. Oh, wow. That's a great color, too. That gets my OJ story. Scroll up. Go left. That green. Click on that. Oh, wow. That's a great color, too. That gets my dick hard. Look at that.

Look at that green. Look at that fucking car. That made my dick hard. God damn, that's beautiful. Oh, my God. That's gorgeous. That is a fucking gorgeous car. 1967.

That's beautiful. The green on that is nice. Oh, my God. That's so beautiful. I love that kind of cars. Where is this one out of? Is this place? I don't know where they are.

I want to say they're in, they might be in Detroit. I'm not sure. Beautiful. Michigan, yeah. Michigan. They're in Michigan. But like, look at that fucking car, man. That's what I like.

I like these when they take an old car, but they put all new underpinnings. Everything. Yeah. That makes me excited. That's why they call that not even, but they put all new underpinnings. Everything. Yeah. That makes me excited. That's why they call that not even restoring. They go, it's brand new. Yeah. They call them resto mods.

Resto mods. That's what my 69 Nova is. Nice. That's beautiful. It's a 69 Nova on the outside, but Steve took the fenders of a 1969 Camaro because they're wider, and he fused those to the body of the 69. Yes. Beautiful. That's what I like. Beautiful. go to icon uh thrift master so the reason why i'm saying icon is is because what jonathan ward does he

takes it like many many many levels past where a normal person would take it and he does these incredible cars where it's like incredible engineering he works on these things for fucking years before any car ever gets made and he's designed these thrift masters and they're fucking drop dead gorgeous like you see them i've seen a bunch of that look at that that's a one that's kind of cool but he's got ones that are like matte black. Yeah, look at that. Oh, look at that silver one. But these things drive fantastic. I mean, they're really cool.

Go to that black one on the far... Ooh, look at that one. Yeah, that's cool. Look at that matte black one. I mean, come on, son. That's the only... Sylvester Stone would drive that in a fucking action movie.

Yeah. They're gorgeous cars, and they're meticulously done. And Jonathan is just a stickler for design and detail, and he just loves things like that. They're all beautiful. Yeah.

There's something about those old cars. That's why I want an old truck. You can get one, buddy. So I can put my little prop trunk in the back and head to the improv. Would you? Yeah, do a guest set. Pull up in that. Do you have a guest spot you? Yeah, do a guest set. Pull up in that.

Do you have a guest spot set? Yeah, it's funny you say that. I used to make a joke years ago. I'd have a little miniature trunk that would have like 10 small props. So if I wanted to do a guest set, I could just pop in and just walk in with it. Do you ever do that? No, I should because it would be funny, I think. Well, Vegas has a real comedy scene now.

You could stop in somewhere. I would probably go to like, do like the old days in the Improv and Bedford, tell me to get my shit out of the hallway. The Monaco? I would sit there, yeah. Do you, have you gone to any of those local Vegas clubs? Because Vegas has a lot of clubs now.

Yeah, Brad Garrett's a good friend of mine. He's got a brand new club. It's gorgeous. I mean, like, they spend a shit ton of money on it. Is it a new one or the one that's in the MGM? No, it's brand new in the MGM. Just opened last week. Oh, no shit. Well, the other one that exists at Dom Herrera loves that place. The last one. Oh, the last one he had in the MGM.

No, it was a great club, but now Brad just built a whole new MGM. Is it in the same location? It's in the same hotel. No. It's in the better location. It's where the mall shops are. It used to be buried down. Now it's up in the top. That was kind of It's in the Better location It's in the Where the So where Shops are Used to be buried down

Yeah yeah Now it's up in the top That was kind of What's cool about it You had to go downstairs In the basement Yeah I agreed But I haven't been

To the new one But I hear Brad of course Is a sweetheart He's a great guy He came to my show On my anniversary Last couple weeks ago

And it was great I middled for Brad Garrett In like the fucking Early 90s I middled for Brad Garrett in like the fucking early 90s. I middled for Brad Garrett like 91 or 92 before Everybody Loves Raymond. Yeah.

Way back in the day. He's a giant dude. Oh, no, he's great. I had to rip the same thing. I went into the audience and I didn't want to be announced or not, but I said, fucking,

you can't not announce him. He's 6'7", or whatever the fuck. He's sitting in the thing, little seat. So I said, Brad Garrett. And he talks like this.

Yeah, yeah. He's the thing, a little seat. So I said, Brad Garrett. And he talks like this. Yeah, yeah. He's so fucking, let me see. Nah, at least I could. I should. I can do a Gilbert Goffrey. What are these people? That's pretty good. That's not bad.

That's not bad. Brad Garrett! Yeah, so Brad, sitting in the audience, so I said, Brad Garrett, everybody's going crazy. Everybody loves fucking, well, everybody loves Raymond. They really don't love Brad, but everyone still, I said, Brad, as in Brad Garrett, everybody's going crazy. Everybody loves fucking, well, everybody loves Raymond. They really don't love Brad, but everyone still loves you.

He couldn't have been nicer. He hung around three hours after the show in our little after party. Everybody does love Ray Romano. I love Ray Romano, but everybody loves Brad, too. Oh, no, Brad's very well beloved, absolutely. So the new place is in the MGM, but is it where all the shops are? Yeah. Oh, okay.

In the upper right. Nice. Yeah. And what is that, like 300-seater like the other one? I have not been to it. Oh, this is the new one? That's the new one. That looks great.

Yeah, that's what's on their site. That's great. That's perfect classic comedy club shape. Now, let me ask you this. Are you allowed to work anywhere you want like can you go to another place and do a guest spot or do you have an exclusive deal okay you know they have that stupid yeah whatever like what's it good tmz where it's called the whatever that stands for that miles tmz stands for something miles zone

you say uh so you can't you can't, you probably know this. 10 mile zone? 10 mile zone or something. So if I just wanted to go over to Brad's and do a little thing, which probably would be the best thing for me to do. So like you could do a show in Reno if you wanted to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like I couldn't do one somewhere else in Vegas probably. I've never worked Reno.

Have you ever worked Reno? Oh, yeah, yeah. Reno's actually a really fun. Relaxed. Oh, yeah. Just blue collar, fun, rowdy, drunk crowds. Yeah. We have really good shows in Reno.

In fact, one time we were talking about shooting a special or something. I thought Reno would be a good spot. It's not a bad spot. It's so different than Vegas because Vegas is so uptight. And Reno's like a little more loose. I was just watching a video. See if you can find this online. From 19—I want to say it was like the early 1900s.

Jack Johnson defended his heavyweight title. I think it was against Jim Jeffries, and it was in Reno. And I was watching this video. 1890? No, 1900s. Early 1900s. Wow. Yeah.

That's when we started comedy. A little bit later. We started a little bit later. Feels like the 1900s. It was wild because they built an arena, an outdoor arena- Just for that fight. In Reno for this fight. Oh, wow.

It was 110 degrees outside, and they had a 45 round fight. 1910. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Dude, it's wild. But here's what's wild. Look at all these guys with hats. Yeah. Everybody wore hats. Everybody did. Everyone. Everyone had a hat. First of all, it's all men. If you look around, you don't see any women. It's all men with hats. How weird is this? This is 1910 in Reno, Nevada, How weird is this? This is 1910 in Reno, Nevada, and everyone had a fucking hat. They all had a hat. And they came in from miles around to watch Jack Johnson fight Jim Jeffries.

Jim Jeffries, he went into training camp for six months for this fight because he had taken many years off of fighting, and he had ballooned up to over 300 pounds, and he lost 100 pounds to get down to fighting weight. Wilford Brimley was there, too. No, that's John L. Sullivan, you son of a bitch. How dare you? Wilford Brimley. and he lost 100 pounds to get down to fighting weight. No, that's John L. Sullivan, you son of a bitch. How dare you? Wilford Brimley.

And so he lost 100 pounds to get down to weight. Wow. And it took him six months to do so. That's him right there. So that's him fit and in shape. So he used to be the heavyweight champ and he was a real stud back in the day. But by this time he was like 37 years old is he still fighting no he's he's doing commentary now he uh he had taken six whole years off of uh

fighting and lost a ton of weight and uh did he got in shape no no jack johnson fucked him up jack johnson was the man so there my question is just you brought that up look at that the sea of hats so my question is see what makes me what makes what what what comes to my brain is when and why do we don't work what that happen anymore why don't we wear hats anymore it's a good question because back then if you had a hat business you're like bro dude i'm fucking saying everyone's always gonna have hats what's with the hats like when when do we just go i don't have any hats anymore those hats are the blockbuster video of headwear. It's like they just went away.

Yeah, it's so bizarre. They probably back then couldn't imagine a world where men didn't wear hats. Yeah, they all wore hats. Jackets and coats and hats and ties. And they were saying in the video when I was watching it that front row tickets were going for over $100. $100 a ticket back then. Like what is, okay, just Google that. What was $100 in 1910 in 2022 money?

I'm going to say, let's take a guess. I'm going to say $3,000. Something like that. $3,000. For $100 equivalent? Yeah. I want to say it's $3,000. What is it, Jamie?

$29.25. Pretty fucking good. is it, Jamie? $29.25. Pretty fucking good. I was going to say $29.95. You should have. I went with $3. You would have looked smarter. But, I mean, $3,000 for a front row ticket. That was a pretty phenomenal guess. Pretty good guess. You're off like $4. Yeah. Well, they estimated

something at the time the video was made. They said it was like $1,000. something at the time the video was made. They said it was like $1,000. But at the time the video was made, where it was, I think it was Jim Jacobs was doing the commentary for the video. And I think that was in the 80s that he was doing that. So I just put it forward. Right. And so it's probably about $3,000.

That's a pretty good guess. Fucking inflation. That's the problem. Yeah. Nothing's worth anything anymore. Shit, no. It's crazy. I was reading that they print,

the amount of money that they print every day because of like COVID and the economy's crashing and all that shit. It's some staggering amount every second. Like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Oh, that we print every day? And $100 bills are printed every second. Isn't that crazy?

They just throw in money. I know. Do you understand the economy or do you just know how much you get paid? Nice. Here it is. A little bit of the economy. I don't know it. Okay.

How much I get paid. I do, yeah. How much money is printed each day? The Bureau of Engraving and Printing produces 38 million notes a day with a face value of approximately $541 million. So my question to you is how long has this been going on? I don't know. Well, you know what I mean?

So it's not, I mean, we've always been overprinting money. I'm assuming, right? We just, all of a sudden, just now like we're going to start doing this shit. Isn't it funny how important that is and how little most of us know about how it all works? Yeah. I just go, how it all works? Yeah. I just go, yeah, my paycheck. Yeah. I pay my bills.

Yeah, you know, like you negotiate a certain amount. You get the check and you can pay your rent and all that jazz. I really don't go, holy shit. But if you did sit around and think about it, I've had people explain it to me, explain like finances to me and explain the economy to me. And it's mind-bogglingly complicated. That's why I'm a comedian. I don't know that stuff.

Seriously. Yeah. I can have someone sit right now and explain the economy. There was a couple guys in your podcast that were explaining that. They're not funny, though. No. You talk to guys who explain the economy. Yeah, yeah.

They're a hoot. You should hang out with them. They're fun. They're about as funny as coroners. Yeah, yeah. And they're both equally solemn because they're just like, oh, this is over for them. This is what we do here. Yeah.

That's my Gene Simmons doing it. This is Gene Simmons. That's a good Gene Simmons. You don't even know how to do Gene Simmons, Carrot Top. I don't know how to do Gene Simmons. You're right. I don't. Now that you're doing it right, I can't do it.

I suck at impressions. I can't do impressions. I can't do very many impressions, but I can do a few. Like Clinton. I can do, you know. Everybody can't do it. I suck at, I can't do impressions. I can't do very many impressions. But I can do a few. Like Clinton, I can do, you know. Everybody can do Clinton. That's easy. Huge. That's all I can do though.

Just that word, huge. There's a guy who does Trump and if you close your eyes. You're like fucking crazy. It's amazing. Yeah. Trump's a good one because he's got so many mannerisms. He's got so many, oh, so many, I do a bit in the. So many. I do a bit in the show. Amazing.

I do a bit in the show where I go, one thing I liked about when he would do speeches and stuff, he would always announce people in the audience that were out there. Yeah. It's always an interesting reaction when people like it. I said, do you remember him going like, Sally, where's Sally? Sally, great lady, where's Sally at? Yeah, and he points out to her. Jimbo.

Yeah. Great guy. He knows how to wear a crowd. Then you do the double cup. But yeah, but it's interesting how crowds, some nights they laugh, some nights they just go, they do that,

they're kind of like, are we allowed to laugh at this? Like, no one knows what to do anymore. Yeah. You can laugh, it's okay. Do you pay attention to politics at all or just for jokes? Mostly just joke.

I mean, I try to stay in tune, in a sense. I mean, I watch news, and I try to stay on top of it, but mostly for material. I try not to get too crazy into it, because no one cares. It's not good for your head. Well, yeah, no one really, you know, when they come to my show, they're not expecting me.

They want to see a walker with a dildo on it. Right. You got to see them. They care, but they just don't care at that moment. Right, right, right. They're like, I wanna hear you talk about, yeah. Yeah. It's a fine

line. Like, people who just do political commentary, or political comedy, rather, it's like, oof. Well, yeah, like, you just see a, yeah, I mean, like, well, although Bill Moore, going back to Bill, I saw the special he did. God damn, that was an hour of, it was pretty fucking funny.

Last special? Yeah, it was pretty funny. I mean, it was pretty fucking funny his last special yeah it was pretty funny i mean it was a lot of politics talk it was all politics yeah but it was it was well done and what's his name too that black lewis black yeah fucking great yeah he does he starts going on that about the the uh the scientist thing when he goes people you know we pay these millions of dollars for people to do one thing then research and development

or whatever I hope I'm doing it better Lewis Black and he says and they get the thing and they get the information and they get it all together and they gather it up

and they give it to us and then we get it and we go eh I'm not buying it it's their only job this is what they do is they get their information and they give it to us and then we get it and we go eh I'm not buying it it's their only job this is what they do

is they get their information and they give it to us Louis Black's brilliant I saw him way before literally in a comedy club in Vegas

before he blew up and I'm sitting in the back of the room losing my mind I'm like this guy's brilliant and there was like

20 people in there and then he got he started doing his specials and doing the thing on Comedy Central, John Stewart with the black, back in black with him. And I remember thinking, I was that night, Don, why is this guy not, why is he not- Huge. Right. Yeah. Fucking brilliant.

Well, he is now. It's one of those things. No, no. There's so many comics is now. It's one of those things. Yeah, no, no. There's so many comics like that. You just like, you know. Yeah. There's just, which is great again about styles. It's fun to watch different styles like Jack Black, or Jack Black, or Jack Black, Louis

Black, or, you know. Do you ever go to a show? Do you ever like go and sit down and watch a comedy show? Oh, yeah, yeah. I used to more than now. When I lived in LA, I'd always go back and sit in the back of the room and watch a comedy show? Yeah, yeah. I used to more than now. When I lived in L.A., I'd always go back and sit in the back of the room and watch a comedy show. Well, when you're doing your show six nights a week,

how do you have time for anything? That's just it. What time does your show start? It starts at 8. Oh, okay. So, yeah, you're in the middle of everything. It's done by 8 or 5. Thank you.

Tight 5 and Dennis Miller teases you going long. Yeah, it's hard to do anything else. It is. That's the hard thing. And people always Yeah, it's hard to do anything else. It is. That's the hard thing. And people always say, have you been to shows? I said, no. And when I get one night off, it's like, one, it's a Sunday.

There is going to be a show that I can go to. Yeah. Do you experience Vegas nightlife? People that live in Vegas never go to this trip, right? I don't normally. Unless you want to. You're a, right? I don't normally. Unless you want to. I don't normally. Unless you want to go to, you know.

This show causes me to drink and smoke more than I have any idea. This show? You getting nervous? This show. No, I'm having a great time. Yeah. But like my friends that live in Vegas, they never go to the strip unless they want to go to a restaurant or something. Right, yeah.

I mean, it's tough, though. If there's something like, last comic, I think I saw Chris Rock, and I went to the whole nine yards, you know, waited in line, turned on my cell phone, been a baggie and all that. Where was that at? It was at the uh good good question and i've known chris for you funny funny fucking guy that guy's right one of the greats i always used to give him grief because again i've been lucky with certain comics that you think would not like me they actually do like me so chris was always a big fan and i see what, you know what's great about you? You tell every joke twice.

So really, an hour special is a half hour because he always says, these people are great. People are crazy. And then he'd say, people are fucking great. He would say the same line. So I said, really, you only have a half hour if you take them. And he would always say, yeah, thanks, Scott. But no, it was a great show. And I remember, I remember watching it, uh, just thinking he's a, he's a true pro,

like fucking the writing and the delivery and just everything. It's like from the, from the beginning to the end, it's like fucking great. Yeah. He's a, he takes a very different professional approach. You know,

he has guys he works with where he pays them to watch a set and then they go over the material afterwards. Yeah. I've never done that. I should do that. Brilliant. I should do that. It's brilliant. I should do that. It's a smart idea because he has access to all these brilliant comedian minds, and then

they'll say, when you're doing that, here's what I thought. Right. And they'll like, hmm, take any consideration. So you have, it's like you're putting together a show. Sure, sure. Like if you were putting together like a sitcom, you would have a bunch of writers and sit around and spitball. And so he'll do his stuff, and then he'll have like a couple you would have a bunch of writers and sit around and spitball and so he'll

do his stuff and then he'll have like a couple of guys will come he used to do that when he was preparing for like the oscars all right come to the comedy store and he would bring a couple guys to watch him and then they would go over the material afterwards and try to tighten it up and it's good to have different ideas no it is great that's probably why it's so it works so well it's also because he's putting that much more time into it. Sometimes it's just a matter of how much more time are you putting into the material. Because so many comics, they get their act, and then they just fuck off for the whole day, and then they look at their notes briefly before they go on stage, and then they go up.

But if you're working on it like that, where you have a group of guys, and you're saying, hey, that bit about the pot and the kettle and all that jazz and write that. And what about the bit about the parking ramp? And, you know, you just go over the material and just that much more focus, that much more time. He's a guy who took, I think Chris took like 10 years off of stand-up. I think he took a long time. Oh, yeah. He did take a break.

He did take a break. He was doing a lot of movies. It was still working, movies and stuff, but he took a long-ass time from stand-up. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that probably just shows you how great he is because he could take that much time off and come right back and be just as sharp.

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it took him a couple of... I feel like that was a week, and I'm not making this up, like a week off, whatever but like if I get I don't remember the only time I ever had two weeks off was when we went to London was

it's always a week but I come back from a week I'm like like I kind of get a little right but it comes right back but it's usually like

it's always the second show I fuck up I come back and I nail the first one and the second night I'm like cocky second one you're cocky

but you think you already did the one it should be fine well the first one you're nervous so. I'm like But you think you think you already did the one that should be for the first one you're nervous So yeah, right then you settle in you're like oh, yeah, and then you fuck it up But yeah, the second one you get you get a little but I like writing I like I like I like I like because people say you know, when do you put in a joke? I think any second you think of it you do it right? I don't i don't sit down and i'm not a sit down right guy like so what do you do you just like come up with an idea during the day yeah yeah jot it down night right but like like you know friends of ours like tom green uh he i will call

he's i'm gonna what are you doing or even his instagram he's like i'm gonna sit down and i'm gonna write some jokes for a couple hours. And I'm like, wow. I've never sat down with a pad of paper and a thing and said, let's write some jokes. And just never. I'd just be on a plane and go, ah, you've got to actively keep your mask up while you're eating a drink. Something. And then that night, boom, I'll do it. And then if it works, it works.

Doesn't work. Doesn't work. Do you refine stuff? Oh, absolutely, yeah. But it's always raw and then it turns into like a whole – I mean my crew because I work – but my crew say, wow, that bit's really coming together nicely. But it takes a few times to work it out. Like I still don't sit down and write it out.

Like Larry Miller used to write commas. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Oh, yeah. Dashes and commas. Yeah. I was in a movie, Chairman of the Board,

I was in a movie with him and he gave me some great advice. It's funny, where he's such a funny guy. And I had been filming a couple days and he was the main guy

in the movies, like the bad guy that's taking over the company. And I'm doing the scene with him and I he was the main guy in the movies, like the bad guy that's taking over the company. And I'm doing the scene with him and I'm used to working theaters, you know, so I'm doing everything big. Like, you know, like, but when you're in a movie, it's, you know, this, not this. Right. So I don't know this. I've never been in a fucking movie. I think I'm nailing it.

So we go to the dailies in the trailer and they start watching the dailies. And there's one scene where Larry Miller literally just goes like that. Just his eyebrows went up and he went, hmm. And everybody fucking lost their shit, right? And I looked back and I said, I did all that. No one not only laughed or did any reaction to any of my scenes, but that one fucking scene. So I said, why was that? And he said, I'm going to give you some advice. He says, you're used to working in theaters. And back then I was doing all the big theaters. And he said, you're in a movie. It's got to be so small. Work small. And it was weird. That day after I did that, I started

doing little things as opposed to big things. And it was amazing how different. He made it for me. but that first couple days i was i think that i've even used any of that footage it was so bad was that the first movie ever and it's starring it it's like have you ever done any since i did yeah i've done some smaller parts i didn't have a main role i did uh i was in i just was telling people yesterday i was on a betty white and i did a movie uh dennis the Menace movie. And I was telling the crowd that night, I said, you know, I had the pleasure. But you know what's funny about comedy, too? No matter what you say, they all think it's a joke.

And even if you say, you know, the night my dad died, I came and said, this is a weird night. You know, my father passed away today, so it was just kind of an emotional night. And everybody laughed. And I remember coming off stage, I was like, I kind of got, I was like, what the fuck? Why do they think that's funny though? Like, I think anything you say

or maybe it's just because it's me. Right. They don't, they don't, so the other night on stage I said, you know, Betty White passed away

and everybody was like, oh, and they clapped and I said, Betty and White and I did a film together, Dennis the Menace and they all,

you know, like didn't believe it kind of thing. I'm like, no, I did. And then I told the story. I was on the Tonight Show and Betty White was on the show with me.

And this is maybe six, seven years ago. And she was getting her makeup put on. And I walked in and I said, hi, Betty. I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to say hi. And she goes, hi. And she says, are you – I said, I'm on the show with you tonight. I just wanted to say hi. And she goes, hi. And she says, are you, are you, I said, I'm on the show with you tonight. I just wanted to say hi. And she goes, oh, what do you, what do

you do? And I said, oh, I'm a singer. I'm a rapper or something. And she goes, oh, that's, I can't wait to see you. Right. I said, do you remember working on a movie with me? And she said, oh, I feel so bad. I'm sorry. I don't. And I said, oh, well, we did a movie with Dennis the Menace. It was you and Don Rickles and me and a whole bunch of people. And she goes, there was a movie about Dennis the Menace? Oh, my God. Yeah, you were in it. But it was really cute because she didn't know not only who I was.

Do you remember filming with me? But you don't have any movies she must have done? Oh, no, I know. And that's why I said, okay, well, you know. No, it's sweet if she didn't know there was a movie with Dennis the Menace. That's kind of funny. Now, Rickles is better. This is great.

Oh, you met Rickles. Oh, wait, no, I was in a movie with him. That's right. So there's two Rickles things, real quickly. So I'm doing the Dennis the Menace, and there's a scene where I, I don't know, I'm dressed like an Indian. I was all these, it was Bill Murray's brother uh Brian O'Murray and me and I'm doing like this uh I mean every scene I'm a different character I was I was like a Indian I was I was an old guy and all these makeup things so most of the time I'd spend on the makeup trailer so there's a scene where I'm

an Indian guy like you know we got to figure, because we're trying to, you know, trick this Don Rickles that I'm, you know, whatever. I have this route that we're trying to sell. And so anyway, I did the scene cut, and I did, something didn't work. The machine or something I was supposed to hold up didn't work. So I said, fuck, that was

a great scene, too. I was like, fuck, that was a great take. And Rickles comes over to me and says give me a second i said what he walked seriously he walked me out and he said don't ever curse on a movie set and i said i'm sorry and he says you're you i love you and you're a you're a good kid curse on us. And I said, that's great advice. I just, it slipped me. Cuts to the next scene. No, it was literally, no, you go to the thing, and next scene, and he's ad-libbing with the entire crew. But he's saying, oh, we got the Mexican here.

Yeah, the hubcaps are gone. I'm a car. There's the black guy. Hold your wallet. He was doing all this like racial bad like worse than me saying fuck right in front and i remember thinking this is amazing like i got in trouble for saying fuck oh so he was serious he was yeah i thought he was gonna do no no no no no he never no and then i saw him years ago right before he died literally uh which is gonna be weird again

there's like that what do you call that, Kevin Bacon separation thing. Yeah. I'm in some restaurant in L.A. All the to-dos are there. I mean, literally, it's like a guy from Motley Crue is there, Nikki Sixx. Larry King. Mrs. Brady. Like, it's the weirdest people in there, right?

I'm having dinner, and my agent says to me, I'm having dinner with him, and he says, you should go say hi to Don Rickles. And I said, fuck, where's Don? He says, right over there. And I said, it was like 10 people. Oh, God damn it. I mean, you know, I'm kind of, believe it or not, in person, I'm kind of shy. I don't want to walk in front of a fucking 10 people. You know, I was approaching him all night probably.

So I said, Don, hey, Don, care to hop? And he looks at me. says he goes really and i said yeah he says like i didn't see you coming from whatever from van nuys and i said yeah i don't want to bother you guys well that's too late you've already bothered me now what and i said i just wanted to say do you remember working in the movie with me and he says i've tried to forget everything we've ever done together seriously like, like not even missing a beat. I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together. Now this, and I go, I'm sorry. Have a good night.

Well, it's too late now. You've already ruined my dinner, my appetite. Everyone say hi to Carrotsov and they'll go, hi. And he's like, no. And I tried to buy his dinner, but the other guy said, no, no, I insist you can't. Did you ever see the video of him and Frank Sinatra on Johnny Carson? Oh, the bit when he said that was talking about the dinner yeah yeah come over yeah see if you can find that it's

classic classic classic Don Rickles where Sinatra he was eating dinner and Don Rickles came over and he well let's see if we can find yeah you got it because it's very funny it's Frank Frank Sinatra. Give him some volume. When you're in a romantic mood, and you're trying to make out, whose records do you put on? That's funny. What kind of music do you put on?

Look at the way he dressed back then. Jesus Christ. Look at that outfit. I spent a lot of nice evenings listening to your music, and I just wondered, I said, wonder who Frank was listening to? Oh, I played Jerry Fail or someone else. I wonder who Frank was with you.

Oh, I played Jerry Fail or someone else. Interesting concept. Yes, it is. But I can answer that by telling you that in those lovely moments, I play Daphnis and Chloe or the Sunken Cathedral, the Engulfed Cathedral, all that kind of classy jazz. I don't fool around with all that other stuff. Hey, look, I know you're going to do another number with the band because I know you've got a recording session tonight.

Really, I'm going to... Just the way he looked at it. Look how funny he is. Look at him. Yeah, he's just... Right? Look at him. Look how funny he is. Look at him. Yeah, he's just, right? Genius, right? Oh, it's timing. All genius, right?

Yeah, all of them. Yeah, timing. It's timing. Just even look at his face. Look at him. Look at him. Why don't you guys get with the band? Why don't you guys get with the band?

Hey, Frank, it's good to see you. I just was hanging around in the hall, band? Hey, Frank, it's good to see you. Uh, I just, I just was hanging around in the hall and they said, Frank Sinatra's here. I've never met him, you know.

And I get that you certainly, certainly. Marco Mangonanzo was hurt. Marco Mangonanzo? Fambino Bombazzo. Two bullets in the head Thursday. It was like an inside joke that Frank Sinatra was connected to the mob. Not so inside either. Look at their boots.

Look at their boots guido says hi he has a little chance to talk to you and from jersey city your good friend bubani umbate what does that mean his car what's his alias he started his car with your album on and now he's a highway oh that's funny when i tell you i'm a Jew and you're an Italian. And here we have what? And this is a great Irishman. This is America.

Look how these microphones, right? You see it hanging into the frame. For 14 years, Johnny Crosby kept saying, do you really know Frank? And I want you to know, Frank, I worship you and I love you. I really mean this. Because since I'm a kid,

I used to blow in girls' ears and hear you go, la-da-da-dee, and do it my way. I need a girl so bad. I love my wife, but she's ill. I love my wife, but she's ill. This is a different world back then. Right? Yeah, the microphone.

And I suppose it's my way. And Barbara, his wife, is going, Frank, when you get a minute. God bless you. He just got married. Hey, all the good things. This is the most exciting night in the years that I've known Johnny Carson. He started me on this show. This is the most exciting night,

and I... So help me. It's a great night. He was even nervous, because he came to me and said... And I said... You are a powerhouse, and Frank, I love you.

I love you. Just right on the lips. Frank I love you 1976 No, no heard about this was true story. This is a long time ago long before Don got married I was eating dinner in a restaurant in New York and I was sitting with some friends and he came over to the table and he said Frank do me a favor with you he said I'm sitting with a very pretty girl and I'm trying to make out you know and he said I told her I know you and she really doesn't believe me would you stop by the table I said all right I was just about finished I was down to the

expresso and I finally he went back and I stop by the table? I said, all right. I was just about finished. I was down to the espresso. And finally he went back, and I walked by the table, and I said, how are you, Don? Nice to see you. He said, can't you see I'm eating, Frank? And I went for the whole thing. I stood with my mouth open. How great is that? It's pretty great.

But YouTube fucks it up with those big screens in the bottom. Like, you can watch this, or you can watch that. Yeah. Do you know the Billy Crystal one? Which one? It's pretty great. Another one with Don Rickles? No.

So Billy Crystal, again, I'm going to mess this up. Billy Crystal, by the way, I was kind of, I didn't grow up with Billy Crystal, and I didn't really, and I went and saw him on Broadway when he did that 48 Sundays or 52 Sundays with his father or whatever it's called, 54 Sundays. What was it? Well, it was a one – on Broadway. But it was the most remarkable thing I've ever sat through in my life. I mean you laugh, you cry, and then you're laughing again, and then you're crying really hard. And he couldn't have been nicer and took a picture of me after on the set.

And anyway, big, huge Billy Crystal fan. So anyway, I go back and I watch one of his, very similar to that. So he said Red Fox was going to play in Las Vegas. And so he flew from L.A. to Vegas just to see Red Fox. It was like at midnight at the, you know, whatever Stardust or whatever hotel was at the time. And of course he'd tell the story better, but he says, so I get on the plane, I go there and look and I say, oh shit, it's at midnight. So I have to, I'm not going to, I had to set my alarm and take a nap. So he sets his alarm

for like 1130, gets up, goes down, gets dressed, goes down to the club, walks into the comedy club where Red Fox was going to play. And there's like four people. So Billy's looking around. He's like, wow, this is going to be weird. And they said, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Red Fox. And they play the – right, the music from the thing. And he walks up and grabs the mic and he goes, fuck this shit.

And they play – they walk him off. And he's like, I the mic and he goes, fuck this shit. And they play, dun-dun-dun-dun. They walk him off. And he's like, I flew all the way. Yeah, Billy, of course, does it way better. But how great is that? He walked, fuck this shit, threw the mic down. And he's like, well, I flew all the way here and fucking napping. I get it from Red Fox's perspective, but fuck. Wasn't in a breeze way. Imagine having the opportunity to see Red Fox live hmm I think that's why Billy did that yeah no I gotta go watch I gotta go

watch the days before social media you couldn't get anybody to come see a show they didn't know they were gonna go see a legend right you know but yeah funny Red Fox had a comedy club in LA apparently one time yeah Richard in time. Yeah, Richard Pryor used to play there and there's some cassettes that I bought at a truck stop one day. I love Richard Pryor too and Red Fox. There was shows that were recorded at Red Fox's comedy club

and you can get them, they're on YouTube, I believe. Some of them are at least. And these recordings, they're really interesting because it's not It's not like the most produced Recordings

You hear glasses clink And you hear ice cubes Right And stuff And Richard Pryor is fucking around Isn't that great Oh it's amazing It's amazing

He's He's riffing And ad-libbing on stage And you know Just One of the funniest guys I think we ever had. I mean, honestly.

Oh, yeah. Groundbreaking, right? Yeah. He's certainly an argument as the GOAT. It's hard to say who's the greatest because you have to always go back to, like Lenny Bruce started it. If it wasn't for Lenny Bruce,

who knows where the art form of stand-up comedy would be today. He broke all the rules, yep. He was the first. Right. That does comedy the way we do comedy. Like we just talk about things and say what's on your mind, talk about social issues.

But Richard Pryor was the first to talk like personally about himself and make it vulnerable and really funny and really honest. There's a scene out of the – true. There's a scene out of – i i've been saying this for probably like two weeks now when i flew last my ipad the worst at technology i'm an old fuck i don't know how to i don't know how to download shit i don't know how to like i get on a plane i don't know how to get on their thing to watch movies so i have two movies on my on my ipad that i watched a thousand well one is a Queen documentary that I watched.

And then there's one, Richard Pryor. But it's an old movie, California Suite. And there's a scene you should watch with Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby that from the beginning to the end, it's like five. Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby? No, no. Sorry, Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor. Oh, okay. that from the beginning to the end it's like five eddie murphy and bill cosby no no sorry bill cosby and richard pryor oh okay and the scene is fucking great they they get the car breaks down they got their wives with him and he from the beginning of the end he's like uh did he slams the hood he says didn't the man just say don't slam the hood not Not a bad Cosby. That's not good.

It's right up there with Eugene Simmons. Did the man just say don't slam the hood? And he says, he says, if you can find, it's,

I'm telling you, it's like, it's just, it's brilliant. Not only just the writing of it. Timing. It's timing and how they fucking,

and I think the movie did okay, but I mean, you go back and you're watching and it's like, God damn, it's funny. But now the key I think the movie did okay but I mean you go back and you're watching it's like god damn it's funny but now the keys in the car

who put who locked the keys I know I didn't lock the keys in the car the guy said now the keys are in the car well how are we

gonna get the keys and it just goes and then all of a sudden you're driving there's a big hole in the thing he's like I'm not paying for the fucking

it's just it's great for the you think you could find that one California Suite Richard Pryor Bill Cosby how long is it?

Not long. Why, you running out of time? No. You got dinner plans? No. I don't know if this is the right scene. No, that's not the right one. It's on the highway.

Put the highway. But this is the movie. Wow, what year was that from? 78. 78. Highway. Although every scene they do together is great, but the highway one for some reason makes me laugh

because it just starts right from the beginning where it's not too long. It's like two minutes. It's like two minutes long. It's not long. But it's a great, I don't know, you look back and you think, God damn it, how funny they were. Well, you also have to think, if it's 1978, right,

how long have they been doing comedy movies? What was the first comedy movie? Was it like... Oh, you mean for them? For anybody. That's a great question. What was it? Well, when they've been comedy...

Because if you think comedy movies, they really... I mean, was it Laurel and Hardy? Was it the Marx Brothers? Yeah. What year do you think the Marx Brothers were? I have all the Marx Brothers tapes. I love the Marx Brothers, yeah.

That's, what, 30s? Yeah, 30s or Supers, 33. 30 I love the Marx Brothers, yeah. That's what, 30s? Yeah, 30s or 33. 30s. So that is only like 45 years after the earliest comics. Yeah, the slapstick with the, but yeah. Buster Keaton, I guess, was probably earlier than that, right? Yeah. Buster Keaton was wild because he did all his own stunts.

Michael, he was Batman, right? That's Michael Keaton. No, that's Michael Keaton. You son of a bitch. Buster Keaton was wild, because he did all his own stunts. Michael, he was Batman, right? That's Michael Keaton. No, that's Michael Keaton. You son of a bitch. Buster Keaton. I have a Michael Keaton story when I hear it. It's great. Okay.

It's just great about this. Honestly, so this is not a joke. So I go to a U2 concert in Vegas, right? And everyone, it's a stadium, right? They put all these celebrities in this little fucking pit. So everyone's screaming. And it was like Sigourney Weaver. All these people.

It's weird. It's like 20 years ago. Everyone's like, can I talk? Right? And I'm saying hi to everybody. And I look next to me. And it's Michael Keaton. And he's not only baffled, but he just doesn't understand who I am, what the fuck.

Because, you know know everyone in vegas is okay i don't have no idea so i'm i'm a risk taker right we're a young comic and he looks over at me and he says who the fuck are you and i grabbed his shirt and i said i'm batman and he no he was not happy and the guy from uh rem michael stipe fucking lost his shit. He's like, God damn it, dude. That was fucking great.

You saw that? I said, I don't think he was happy. Fuck him, man. I went, I'm happy. He set me up perfectly. Who are you? Oh, here we go. This is a funny scene.

I think you're going to... Just watch the beat. 1978. Such a great scene. Well, that's just fine unless you're making a pot of tea. I think we're in big trouble. The beat's... 1978 I actually don't think we can play this whole thing because of... Slam the hood! the road. I did not run off the gauge. If you looked at the gauge, it wouldn't have overheated. I mean, looking at the gauge real good stops it from overheating? No, but you've got to speak up. You've got to say,

hey, the gauge says we're overheating. This is not the kind of news that you keep to yourself. You know, I hate rental cars. Why don't we just leave it here? At least get to the hood part. See, I told you, all we need to do is give it a chance. I hate rental cars. Did the man say he didn't slam the hood?

What's the matter with the doors? Didn't the man say not to slam the hood down? Didn't the man say the doors sometimes lock when you slam the hood down? Did the man say I would burn my hand? I was locked up, he's got the keys. The car's got the keys. Why didn't you take the keys? I only went from my seat to the

hood i thought it would be safe you on this side stand over there what fool closed the window that fool closed the windows even with my eyes on the gauge i saw that food close the windows the air conditioning doesn't work with open windows well now the car doesn't work with closed windows does it food smile fool? Smile, everybody. We're in Los Angeles. Different time. I'm not paying for this. Now, I wonder. I want a different time.

I wonder, too, like you said, like, especially with movies and comedy and all that, you have to really. It's like they were best friends. Yeah. Like, they just. It wasn't even like. It was ad-libbing. It was perfect. Well, it's a different time about, like, what's funny and what best friends. Yeah. They just, it wasn't even like, it was ad-libbing, it was perfect. Well, it's a different time

about what's funny and what's not, too. Things were funny. People were more innocent then than they were now. Well, remember Eddie Murphy's special when he said about Bill Cosby calling it, remember? Yes.

Right? Yeah. Well, he's working with the original potty mouth guy. Well, yeah, I mean, he's the guy he called. That's who Eddie Murphy called. No, he called and he said,

did you tell Bill Cosby? Did you get paid? Did you tell Bill Cosby? Have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up. Well, it's funny because that's similar to Don Rickles telling you not to swear. Yeah, it was really weird. Bill Cosby was a stickler for that too.

People thought that there was rules that everyone had to observe. Because at one point in time, if you had to work, you really did have to observe those rules. You couldn't swear. When Don Rickles is telling you this, he's talking about life in the 60s, in the 50s. And I think he really didn't curse. Yeah, I thought you were thinking the story was going to go where he went on an F-bomb rage after. But no, he was serious.

And then he went on to this whole different thing that was so inappropriate. Well, it's so weird that back then, swear words were so meaningful. They had so much impact. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, today, it's just a commonplace thing for someone to say fuck. And most shows have swear words in them. Yeah. Especially nowadays, right. Even network television is kind of like that. to say fuck and right most shows have swear words in them yeah you know especially nowadays right

sure even even network television is kind of like yeah because well because of cable and because of the internet and netflix and all that jazz but back then if you wanted to work on television you had to be fucking clean like do you remember in the 80s like people would tell you hey you got to work clean yeah cruise ship clean that kind of fuck up your act state fairs i used to do state fairs yeah and i used to do an hour shows in front of state fairs like kids of all ages yeah it was a comedy club back in way back in the south when i worked the guy i thought that was pretty funny the the owner said or the club owner says to me uh i did the first night and the next night I came in to set up and he says, maybe you've heard this term,

he says, could you maybe pull the fucks a bit? I said, what do you mean? Pull them. Like, say, but not,

say fuck, but don't, I'm not making, I said, what do you mean? He's like, just pull them a little bit. Just saying fuck.

The owner's telling you this? And I remember thinking, how do you pull your fuck? Get the fuck out of here Some jokes Like that? Yeah But some jokes you need

That's the whole joke When you say fuck Right? You gotta say fuck That's not funny Right Yeah Not every joke needs a fuck

But there's some You gotta say Fuck Yeah Like you lock your keys in the car Yeah Fuck Yeah

You can't say Why didn't the man say not to slam the button? No, you got to say the word you mean. Yeah. Well, this has got, that was a good time, man. I'm glad we got to meet. Thank you.

Glad we got to hang out. Yeah, thanks for listening to all my stupid shit. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, wasn't it? It was. We went through five bottles of booze. We had a good time. A couple cigars, half a joint.

If people want to see you in Vegas, what's the best way they can buy tickets? Probably Luxor, I think, or CarrotTop.com. Okay, so you can buy tickets. I think you can buy, I think you can. I've never, I don't know. I think so. But yeah, Luxor every night. Every night except Sunday.

Oh, there we go. Look at you, fella. Look at that. Your hair changes color sometimes. It does. Well, that's just, yeah. I put some green and some purple and pink in there for the New Year's Eve. Carrottop.com.

Yeah, Carrottop.com. Buy Vegas tickets. There you go. So six nights a week, most weeks. Yeah, we take off a little bit here and there, but we're there for most of the year. And if someone wants to see you when you're on the road, all that schedule's up on Carrottop. Yeah, yeah, I'll be on there as well. Yeah, we're going to be in a whole bunch of places coming up.

Okay, so CarrotTop.com, and then Instagram. Are you on Twitter, too? Yep, Twitter. Twitter. Carrot Top. Carrot Top. I think they're all Carrot Top, I think. Well, thanks, brother.

I appreciate it, man. Thank you, buddy. Yeah, man. It was a pleasure. It was very good to meet you. It was a lot of fun. It was. All right.

Bye, everybody. Sure. Bye, everybody. Cheers.