The Joe Rogan Experience - #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

Episode Date: January 14, 2022

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are standup comedians, writers, and podcasters. Mark is the co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" along with Joe List. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His most recent special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Okay, we're up and running to the cuddle party. Hi. Hi. Hey, comedy. There we go, Gil. Yes, yes.

So what are we calling this? Are we calling this Protect Our Parks? No. I think it's Protect Our Parks. We need a better name. We didn't do a good job protecting the last one. What happened to the park? It's gone.

It's the podcast. 50 acres. Just a dirt pile now. That is so crazy that they allowed them to do that. They just totally did that. You know nobody in the city voted for that. Not a single person. I mean, yeah.

Fucking evil, man. It's evil. There's definitely a prison in there or high rises in no time. What is the general consensus about the new mayor of New York? Oh, it's bad already. Some people get mad at him. I think it seems nice. I saw people get mad at him for saying we have to protect the low wage employees.

Because he's like, the people at Dunkin' Donuts. And he goes, they're not educated. They're not smart enough to be in a corner office. And I was like, what? Oh, Jesus. His point was protect them. But the way he said it, people were like, what's that supposed to mean? You gotta protect these morons.

But he's hired his brother and he gave him like half a mil. $250,000. There you go. His last job, I think, was parking cars. Oh, really? How much did he get for that? Just whatever he can clear out of the middle. That's a nice thing. That's what you want in your leader. Somebody who's willing to hook his brother up. I don't want Somebody who's willing to hook his brother up.

I don't want a guy who wouldn't hook his brother up. Right. I don't want a guy who shits on his brother. That's what they said about Cuomo. They're like, why'd you hook your brother up? I'm like, what? It's his brother. What are you talking about?

I think it's the way he did it, though, right? Wasn't the Cuomo thing? Too Italian. He was using his influence to gather information about his accusers. That's a good bro. That's a good bro it's a good bro you're supposed to do that you're just supposed to shut the fuck up about it not put it on gmail yeah oh you gotta go yahoo everything on gmail is now up for everybody go to signal what signal that's what the drug dealers use no fucking insurrectionists oh everybody disappearing

messages to the one year to the year to the the one year. To the year. One year anniversary of the greatest upset. It was the greatest upset in sports. Nobody saw it coming. They just did it on Buster Douglas as the greatest upset. A couple of them climbed that wall pretty good. It was impressive. They were out of shape.

Those were the feds. The ones that scaled it were the feds. Did you fucking see the uh the thing where ted cruz is grilling that lady from the fbi and he asked her the whole the whole runs the gamut of we're federal agents involved we can't answer that we're federal agents involved in in you know inciting violence or trying we can't answer that yeah you should always ask a follow-up question like uh is coke the same as Sprite? And they'll be like, no.

I'm like, okay, that's your baseline. Right. So then, what is, we can't answer this. What does that mean? We can't answer this. Oh, God. Who knows? Oh, we have a fucking distinct lack of marijuana in this room.

Uh-oh. We've made an error. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. Talk amongst yourselves. Oh, you got some? Hey! Yeah, but you got some bullshit. Oh, you got something? Hey! You got some bullshit.

Whoa! I got hit hard by that. That one hurt. He sucker punched me with that. I'll be right back. Talk amongst yourselves. Talk amongst yourselves, dude. The park went down.

Ari got put down. Ari's a real dickhead. I don't even watch the news. I haven't seen any news stories since Larry Nassar. You don't watch it. It's so smart not to. Larry Nassar was a great. I mean, that was the peak. I got out. You saw Nassar and you were like, I'm done. This is good. You don't watch it. It's so smart not to. Larry Nassar was a great. I mean, that was the peak.

I saw Nassar and you're like, I'm done. This is good. I got enough. Watch the news. There's nothing for me there. Somehow it involved Me Too and sports.

It was a good combo. That's true. That should be a sport. Me Too. Yeah, the Me Too Olympics. Let's call, was that University, Penn State?

They're doing good. Was it Penn State with Sandusky? Yeah, it's Sandusky. They really let that other guy go, huh? The dead one? Jopa. You knew something. He died on the spot. He got lung cancer and died right away. What? From misery.

From grief. Yeah, he checked out. I think it's a David Tell joke. He's like, but were they playing better? Yeah. Something like that. They really did have a good defense. I love Sandusky. He had in his backyard faced a kindergarten or something like that or a playground.

And he's like, I just like to go out there and watch the kids afterwards. Like, wait, don't do that. He goes, why? Got it. You're like, what? This pod is so much better without Rogan. Oh, man. Joking.

Joking. Joking. All right, put it away. Get the weed. He dosed you. We were just talking about Sandusky. Yeah, remember him? Oh, yeah. He was good.

Is he in jail? There's been so many. I think he's dead. No, he's still going. He's in jail. Yeah. I thought he died in jail or something. No, no, no.

He got asked to be transferred to a juvenile facility. He identifies as a kid. Well, they're doing that now with male prisoners who are transgender. They're putting them in female prisons. And a lot of them are guilty of sexual assault. And they're putting them in prison with females. And all they got to do is say, hey, say you're a chick. It's a smart move.

I mean, why wouldn't you do that? Well, one guy did. And then immediately upon release is say hey, say you're a chick. It's a smart move. Why wouldn't you do that? One guy did and then immediately upon release started identifying as a man again. Damn. Literally identifies as a woman. You gotta give that guy some respect. Yeah, respect. Well, he gamed the system. But the system is really fucking stupid. It's such a dumb, it's like, what a dumb thing

this identity politics has given us. This ability for a sexual offender to just change their gender by saying, I identify with a woman. You keep your dick. You don't have to get an operation. You don't have to get hormone treatments. There should be some sort of test, like becoming a citizen.

Should be a test. You have to know some stuff about womanhood. Some menstruation stuff. Golden girls. Name a purse. Name three purses. One Sex and the City character. Manolo something.

Which one of Sex and the City was a slut? Kim Cattrall. Kim Cattrall was the real slut. Yeah, but you've got to be able to say that. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Samantha. I mean, I don't know. They were all pretty slutty.

No, one was like very. The black hair one was not. How come she wasn't in the new one? Because she's got some fucking. Because women hate women. Integrity? Is that what it is? No, she goes, we did it.

They were fighting or something. No, she was like, we did it. We had a whole run. Why are we revisiting this? Have you seen the new season? Pretty wild. Yo, you see the stand-up scene in it? Oh.

No, you gotta see it. It's horrific. It's like 10 minutes long. Is Sex and the City a stand-up now? There's a stand-up. They go see a show. She's trans. Yeah, they now? There's a stand-up. They go see a show. She's trans. Yeah, they see a trans woman do stand-up.

Oh, Christ. Yeah. No, I don't know if she's trans. Oh. She's genderless. Oh, non-binary. Oh, really? She doesn't even exist.

What prison do they go to? So why are you saying she? True. You say they, you piece of shit. All right, I apologize. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're in trouble. You got to learn the new rules, bro.

If you want to operate in today's society, what are you scared of, weed? I hate weed, dude. It's for genderless people. I'm straight as hell, dude. Oh, I better not. Did you do it? No, I can't. I'll just hug my knees and mumble.

Well, could you please do that? That would make me happy. That would be pretty cool. No, no, I can't. Maybe later on. We'll wear off in an hour. It'd be fun to watch you. It's not pretty.

I'll wear off in four hours for that one. It's just me and you, Ari. These pussies. Man, I already got the Glenlivet cooking. It's good stuff, right? Glenlivet 18 is not bad. Not bad. Yeah.

So Save Our Parks or Cuddle Party? What's the consensus? What else can we name it? We can branch out a little bit. Four Cunts. That's not bad. The Four Cunts of the Apocalypse. Yeah. That's a good. The Four Cunts of the Apocalypse. Yeah.

That's a good name for sex in the city. Let's see. Toxic, non-gender specific. Yeah. Humans. Non-binary, asexual, queefs. Yeah. I vote no name.

Fuck queefs. Queefer Sutherland. You have what? No name. No name? Like Prince? We can You have what? No name No name? Like Prince? We can't go name No names for us? Okay

Well you know what we could do We could just Internally call ourselves Different things We could secretly call ourselves Fun things All the time Absolutely

Like our text message thread Is now Protect our parks Which I'm strongly opposed to He's not gonna be able to I'm strongly opposed to that Started with Ari's Ari's idea Which I like the best Is cuddle party Cause you want to call like The cancel crew or something I'm strongly opposed to that. He's not going to be able to say it. I'm strongly opposed to that. Started with Ari's idea, which I like the best, is cuddle party.

Because you want to call it the cancel crew or something. I'm like, man, that's too leading into it. I think it's like, I got a big dick. No, I did not. I got a big dick. Look at my chest. No. Tony, we go with the clan.

Cancel party. How about guys clan? Guys clan. Four rebels. Four guys in a clan. But spelled with a king The dude clucks clan interesting dude cucks cucks

Kuckerberg yeah, Cox is good for woke Whoa, cucks. Yeah. Whoa, cucks. All right, we're getting somewhere. The Mighty Cucks. The Mighty Cucks. The Mighty Cucks.

Oh, yeah, the Anaheim Mighty Cucks. That's right. Yeah. Was that the first time a sports team was ever named after a movie? I think so. The Raptors also was right around then. It was around Jurassic Park. You're right. Was it really?

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know that Raptors, those Raptors are really little? They're not big like that? Really? Yeah, yeah. Apparently, Steven Spielberg was consulting with a dinosaur expert, and he found out how little the Raptors were, and he's like, that's not big like that. Really? Yeah, yeah. Apparently Steven Spielberg was consulting with a dinosaur expert, and he found out how little the raptors were,

and he's like, that's not going to work. We need them to be big. So he made them like seven feet tall. But real raptors are like 24 inches tall. They're like tiny little things. Interesting. Make sure that's true. How tall are the raptors?

I don't think they're very big. They're very ferocious. They can open doors. Two feet tall. Clever girl. Yeah, I saw that in the theater. It scared the shit out of me i was 10 years old movie that was great in the theater when you saw the first dinosaur it's like unreal when the t-rex comes over the fence when you see the goat is missing and the t-rex comes over the fence i was sad about that yeah that fucking sound that's how they feed Kirstie Alley.

That's a crazy reference. What do you want, Scientology? This is Veronica's closet? She was a big target for a while. She came away and people were like, I'm a big target. Whoa, easy. This show is over. Who's the new fat person to make fun of?

Yeah, see, that's how big they were. They were little. I gotta up my references. The real recent velociraptors is so big in Jurassic Park. Yeah, it's just because Steven Spielberg. You go Lizzo. Oh, there you go. She was always that.

You need someone who wasn't fat and then became. Well, you know what's funny is when they're fat and then they lose weight and then everybody gets mad at them, like Adele. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah. The big girls are mad. You are a hero. Yeah, you are us and now you're not.

You're another hot girl. Why did you put that burger down? You fucking bitch. Cuck Liddell? I've been sitting on that for 20 minutes. It's a funny thing when people do better with their life, and the people that love them don't go, that's awesome, I'm going to do that too.

Look, she can do it. If Adele can do it, I can do it too. I'll be honest, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. Why? When I see somebody start dressing cool and being handsome. You can't relate to them? No, I don't like that.

Oh, if they used to be fat and then they started slimming down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happens. When you're fat and you lose weight, you start dressing cool. Because you can finally wear clothes. Right, right. You don't have to wear a hoodie every day. Who's done that. When you're fat and you lose weight, you start dressing cool. You can finally wear clothes. You don't have to wear a hoodie every day. Who's done that? Give me an example.

Not Seth Rogen, the other one. In that clan, in that group. Jonah Hill. He's never been hot. He's more like a surfer now, but he's jacked now. Is he? Jonah Hill's in great shape. What? That guy fluctuates like a motherfucker. He's like Oprah. He's the white Oprah. Well, you know what? He was dealing with a lot of what he thought was like body issues and just dealing

with like being big and didn't like it and felt embarrassed and then finally fucking did something about it. And he dealt with it for a long ass time, lost some weight, gained it back, but now he looks great. He looks great, right? Yeah, he thought big was beautiful. He was chubby. I'm not saying he was chunky, but yeah, he posted something. He's fit. To stop talking. Fit? He looks like hell. He looks homeless. He looks great. He looks great, right? I thought Big was beautiful. He was chubby. I'm not saying he was chunky, but he posted something to stop talking.

He looks like hell. He looks homeless. He looks terrible. I know you mean well, but I kindly ask you not comment on my body, good or bad. I want to politely- You skipped heart emoji. You skipped fucking heart emoji. I was trying not to throw up.

Let you know it's not helpful and doesn't feel good. I want to politely let you know it's not helpful and it doesn't feel good. Much respect. Shane, can you read that? I want to hearitely let you know it's not helpful and it doesn't feel good. Much respect. Shane, can you read that? I want to hear that in your voice. Dude, this is all you need to see. Next time. Can you read this? Don't comment on Shane's body, heart, good or bad.

Shane wants to politely let you know. This is a big text. You ever see his cell phone? He's got the giant letters because he can't read. He had his eyeballs fixed. He got him a cricket. You have readers yet? I thought you got your eyeballs fixed. I did. I had his eyeballs fixed. He got him a cricket. You have readers yet? I thought you got your eyeballs fixed. I did. I had LASIK.

Oh, you did? Yeah, it's wearing off. What? Yeah. It's wearing off. Yeah, I feel it wearing off. What do you mean it's wearing off? Seven or eight years ago.

LASIK wears off? I didn't know. What about the cane? Still got the cane? I'm hoping you can do it again. You were going to go for a second eyeball surgery? By the way,

that was the first shot. You heard it. What? I thought you did it. You did it. No, no, no. You did it. No, no, no. You said, Shane, could was the first shot. You heard it. What? I thought you did it. You did it. No, no, no. You did it. No, no, no.

You said, Shane, could you read that? I just asked you legitimately if you could read that or not. No, that was the first shot. I just wanted you to say it closer to it. No, no, no. I think you're a little drunk and a little lippy. I'm sober as a bird, Joe. Because this is what he said.

He said, could you read it in your voice? Yeah. He wanted me to read, stop talking about my body. He was taking a shot. I see. You might be right. I'm totally right. You might be right.

Drastically disagree with what you're saying. You might be right. I'm totally right. I drastically disagree with what you're saying. You might be right. Guys, you're fat. You're old. Can we get along? No, the effects of LASIK do not wear off. However, certain normal aging changes inside the eye over time may affect your refractive stability.

For example, if your eyes had been corrected for distance when you're younger, when you get into your earlier mid-40s, something called presbyopia will occur. So you're fucked. You got presbyopia. That's every chick. You can't read anymore. Why? Can't you do it again?

Presbyopia? You don't want to do that again. Do you want to go in there again? Do you want a laser in your eye? They cut the layer off your eyeball, and then you just go, with lasers, and then you can't look at it.

You have to look straight forward. It's this far away from your eye. And if you start moving around, he's like, stop, stop moving! Stop moving! It'll burn your retina off. Well, they're about to start new therapies that involve bacteria.

They involve bacteria and injections into your eyeballs. And these injections of bacteria... Andrew Huberman told me about this. He's good. He's brilliant. And he was saying that they're essentially, they believe they're going to be able to reverse the ocular degeneration that comes with aging.

And they think they're going to be able to do it for people that have serious eyeball injuries too, like maybe Michael Bisping can get hooked up. When is that going to start? I don't know. They're doing trials right trials. Get on it, Huberman. But they're having very favorable results. You ever gotten a jizz

in your eye? More than I can count, my friend. I can see you're being facetious, but it stings. You never hit your own eye? You never got your own juice? I'm sure I have, but it's probably been when I was younger. I don't remember. In the eyeball. Yeah, I was laying on my back and it

got straight up. Right in the mug. The girl I was with really got a kick out of it. It happened to me recently. She laughed all night. It happened to me recently. I stared right down the barrel of it for some reason. Yeah. It fucking drilled me. It gets you. Suicide by gay love. That's what got Crenshaw's

eye. Yeah, yeah. That's not true. It was in Afghanistan. Heartless. I mean, you got to jerk off out there. Heartless and inaccurate. No, it happened in Afghanistan. That's a good name. We could be Al-Gaida.

Al-Gaida's not bad. Or Al-Gaida. Al-Gaida. That would be quickly turned into Al-Gaida. Well, that was the point, yeah. Yeah, I like it. Mmm.

Al-Gaida? I like Al-Gaida? I like Algaida. I like Algaida. See you later, Algaida. I'm having too much fun already. So, wait, did Saladin came in Grunchaw's eye? No, no, he came in his own eye, I'm saying. No.

But he was in the huts. You get bored. I heard that. I read that. I read that in Jezebel. That's what he did. Yeah. Wait, so they held him down and he did it himself?

No, he was just jerking it to kill time in the desert. And he hit himself in the eye. Hit himself in the eye, boom. Then he had to be like, oh shit, one of them got me, guys. There's no doctor out there, so he had to lose the eye. He was waiting. He was born before beheading. What's legitimately the worst injury you've ever heard someone jerking off sustained?

Some people have broken their dick, but that's from girls riding on it. Yeah, you can bend your dong. I think Knoxville's dick is broken. You were telling us last night. Yeah, he broke his dick on a stunt. With a rocket? Yeah, give it a gook, JMO. I got no dick, man.

For a guy with no dick, he's pretty upbeat. Do you like fish sticks? Come on, leave me alone. I got no dick, man. I hurt my dick. Oh's pretty upbeat. Do you like fish sticks? Come on, leave me alone. I got no dick, man. I hurt my dick. Oh, that was rough. Season three looks great. John Knoxville, How I Broke My Fist. There you go. Wow.

Dude, he came through my college filming Dukes of Hazzard. He fucked every gal. There was a chlamydia strain all over LSU. Look at this. I have a big scar running here to here. He says, innocuously pointing an index finger between his legs up to his crotch, where he famously

tore his urethra in 2007 while paying tribute to stunt god Evel Knievel. You know, I never even thought to look at the scar until six weeks ago. I found a stand-up mirror. I got out of the shower and check out the scar, and it's a terrible angle to look at yourself in. Damn.

Wow. Is he okay now, though? I don't know. I think he's got the pump like Larry Flint. It says ever since, it says, oh, what does it say here? Can you read that, Ari? He's been fielded questions, fable crotch shots. So he says he broke his dick, but did they fix it?

Maybe they fixed his dick. I'm hoping they fixed his dick. I don't know, but his hair is white now. It's like a dog's chew toy down there now, he said. It looks like a sock that's lost its elasticity. Oh, my God. It left him using a catheter twice a day. There you go. It looks like a sock that lost its elasticity.

Damn. This is a bummer. Yeah. I think that they're saying that they left him using a catheter twice a day back then. Does that mean now? I hope he's okay now. Call in, Knoxville. Oh, no, hold on.

Let's go back up. It says years after the incident that sent him to surgery and left him using a catheter twice a day. I think they mean during the recovery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He must be all right then. God, I hope so.

It's a good conversation starter when hitting on a girl. You know, my dick used to be broken, but now it works. It, I hope so. It's a good conversation starter when hitting on a girl. You know, my dick used to be broken. Now it works. It's revived. Yeah. Let's try it. Like a house with a fucked up foundation. You know, if a house got a big crack in the foundation, like, no, we brought guys. They said it's

fine. Don't you want to buy it? He's like, no, I'm not buying this fucking house. What's up with that foundation? What if the earth moves? What's going to happen with Tim Dillon's house? Is that up for sale, or does he still own that? Well, he's looking at another one out here right now. Come on. He's just buttering your bread with that.

No, he's smart. He's investing money. The real estate business out here is fantastic. But why'd he leave? Save one, get another one. Ah, okay. You know? Keep one, sell it, sell the second one. Got to have one for the twinks. Yeah. One. You know? Keep one, sell it.

Sell the second one. Got to have one for the twinks. Yeah, one for the twinks. I got the underside. The underside of my dong got sliced once. What? Yeah. Underside? What happened?

Yeah, I was going from behind on a lady. Doggy. And she was touching herself also because I wasn't helping. Oh, this is wild. She's an experienced whore. And my dong fell out. Yeah. And connected on a fingernail when I went forward again.

And it hurt, but I was making whoopee. So I kept going. Look at Matt. I kept trying to go. Believing? She was like, no, I could feel like I got skin on that. And I was like, no, I'm fine. I pulled out and looked at it, opened my hand, and it was just gushing.

It was over. Ran to the bathroom. That it was just gushing. It was over. Ran to the bathroom. That's how you get AIDS. It's blood. No, but she's got to bleed in your blood. Your body doesn't accept blood like that. She's also got to have AIDS. Generally, it pumps out.

Isn't that an interesting story? If she's menstruating, that's blood on blood there. Yeah, but it's not getting in your body. They think that one of the ways that people initially got HIV, and this is very controversial, but they think there was guys that were, you know, bushmeat is a thing in Africa where they'll essentially shoot and kill anything and sell it as meat because food's scarce. So they'll occasionally do that to chimpanzees. They'll shoot chimps and sell chimp meat and eat chimps.

It's like the Wuhan bat. And they think that through cutting a monkey or a gorilla some chimp some sort of primate they got the blood on the knife and cut their finger and this is just I think this is just speculation they don't I don't think they necessarily have a patient zero in AIDS I'm sticking with Funk of the Monkey. Yeah, that's a better story. Remember Chappelle's bit on that? Rip your dick off like a celery stalk. Funk of the Monkey. You know how hard it'd be to fuck a monkey? It would be pretty hard.

It's just as funny as, it's funnier than eating a bat, but eating a bat's very funny. Well, they have them in soup. Yeah, they eat tons of bat. It's wild. It's wild to see. Like a bat floating around in a soup. Yikes. Yikes. Like a drowning moth. Hey, man, when you're fucking hungry, you'll eat a lot of that. It's wild. It's wild to see. Like a bat floating around in a soup. Yikes. Yikes.

Like a drowning moth. Hey, man, when you're fucking hungry, you'll eat a lot of things. And then on top of that, if you're culturally accustomed to certain things, they don't become weird. No, no. Like oysters. Oysters are fucking gross to a lot of people. That's a good point. But for us, we're like, ah, florp.

Yeah, I don't like that. This fucking snot blowout. I don't like oysters. What is... Oh. Oh, it's the batsuit. Oh, they got the heads. You know, there's little dog heads in there snot blowout. I don't like oysters. What is... Oh, it's the bat soup. Oh, they got the heads. You know, there's little dog heads in there.

That looks better than oysters. I'll tell you that. Oh, I love oysters. I do too. But is that the ribs of the bat? What is that? Oh, that's like snake. That's an eel thing.

Octopus and shit. That's not bad. Octopus is delicious, but... Bat soup? Ah, I don't like that shit. Octopus are fucking smart. It's kind of weird to eat them. They are smart.

You see that octopus teacher documentary? Yeah. Pretty great. That guy that clearly wanted to fuck that octopus? He falls in love with the octopus. Yeah, he was trying to fuck that octopus. Yeah. He lost, like, his family over it, didn't he?

Wasn't he, like, swimming every day trying to fuck an octopus? Yeah, octopus-y. You know, John Lilly was doing... He had a whole program doing dolphin research. They were trying to teach dolphins how to talk, and the dolphins kept getting distracted. Miami? Because they were horny. So this lady would just jerk off the dolphins so they could participate in the study.

What? And they found out about it, they're like, that's a wrap for your study. You can't be jerking people off. I feel like it's a win for the dolphins. There's a guy who was fucking dolphins. Dolphin who loved me. NASA-funded project that went wrong. Margaret Lovat in the 1960s was part of a NASA-funded project to communicate with dolphins. Soon she was living

with Peter 24 hours a day in a converted house. So, like, the house was, like, waist-high in water. Christopher Reilly reports an experiment that went tragically wrong. Tragic because he got to come. No, he got to come. And they killed the project because they found out she was jerking off the dolphin.

Dolphins are crazy horny. They should have killed the dolphins. You got to kill the dolphins. You got to kill the dolphins. They'll spread it to the rest of the population if they get out. Finger that blowhole. Here's one. I watched a video.

A guy was going out and fucking a dolphin. He was fucking a dolphin? He said he was going into the ocean And fucking dolphins Wow Well dolphins definitely fuck you Yeah They've tried to fuck people before

They try to drown men If you're with a hot chick Really? They'll grab you by the bathing suit And drag you down Oh my god Is that real? Yeah

That's what happened to Natalie Wood What? What are the Lakers That happened to him too? She just went off One of the Lakers A dolphin tried to drag him down Yeah I think he was dating

Like Iggy Azalea Was the woman white And was the dolphin racist Whatever Iggy Azalea is I think it's Izzy Which is it? No it's Izzy It's Iggy

Not Flipper Iggy Pop Iggy Pop Nick Young Dolphin tried to kill me Whoa I already heard of this When I read that story

He strolled into the Lakers Lakers locker room On Tuesday The Staples Center a little more than an hour before tip-off. Their 106-96 loss to Denver Nuggets. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. He said, where does it say? He said he's scared of Dolphins. He goes, he was playing with everybody else, doing what Dolphins do. The act, act, and all that.

Young said. It was my time. Act, act, and all that. He said it was my time to ride the dolphin for some reason he took me all the way to the bottom he was trying to drown me but I saw it happening I jumped out of the water and took off the little

life vest and threw off my little water shoes and stayed outside. That's a little dramatic. I think this guy just couldn't swim. That's a little dramatic because they have, like killer whales have tried to drown people and when they get stuck in those fucking seaWorld type places, they'll grab a trainer and drag them and pin them to the bottom of the ocean, or bottom of the tank rather.

He was a little friendly, kissing her and stuff. He was trying to take my woman. That's fun. Maybe he was. Blackfish? I think I heard it before I saw this. Blackfish group? That's us?

No, no. I'm saying that's a movie. Blackfish. It's a movie about orcas. Swaggy P? What about this? Bushmeat Boys. The Bushmeat Boys?

It's got a good ring to it. Yeah. We could take a field trip and go out and get some. Go get AIDS. Let's start a new AIDS. You know David Cho, the artist? Yeah. Yeah, David Cho went to, with the Hadza.

Where was that part? Was it Tanzania? I think it was Tanzania. He went and hunted baboons. They eat baboons. And he goes, it's fucked up. He goes, because when the baboon gets hit with the arrow, he grabs it like a person. Oh, yeah.

They're fucking terrifying, baboons. He goes, it's really fucked up. They dress like a baboon? So this is Cho. No, I don't know what they're doing. Is it a GoPro and a dog? He's got dogs out there chasing the baboons. Look at that.

That guy. I would never want to do this so they these these folks they eat everything right? But they have less game in the area where they live they never used to be there before so they find themselves eating a lot Of primates man that guy's living huh David David so David Cho is so fucking interesting because the guy's worth like an Stupid amount of money. Is he? Oh, yeah. From what? Art?

Was it Facebook or Google? Facebook. Oh, he invested? No, he painted their lobby. Oh, yeah, they gave him. What? And they gave him Facebook stock, and it turned out to be worth a fucking kajillion dollars. In lieu of money.

Whoa. But meanwhile, he's the kind of guy that is that rich and goes and hangs out with the Hadza and lives with them and hunts with them. I love it. Is he the guy in the Bourdain duck? Yes. Yes. Oh, you know, you hate that guy.

I didn't like him. Painting over the mural? I don't like anybody that's artsy. He's artsy. He's very good, man. Artsy Shafir. Why don't you tell me, dude? Cho's going to watch this and be pissed.

He's going to watch this and be pissed. I hate him, too. I'm with you. Well, that was him. If you guys knew him, you'd love watch this and be pissed. I hate him too. I'm with you. If you guys knew him, you'd love him. I love him. I dare you. He had a show on Vice, I think.

Some of it bothered me. He did Vice Guide to Travel when he went to Africa looking for a dinosaur. Because there's reports of part of sightings of, I think it's a plesiosaur that's in, or maybe a brontosaur that's in some part of the Congo. And so he like literally went looking through the Congo to try to find a dinosaur.

But I think he was like fucking 20 years old when he did that. Was nobody fucking him? I know, right? A lot of people fucked him. A lot of people fucked him. Dude, the guy's wild. David's wild. David's wild. He's just very open

about his psychology, which I don't like. You think he's got a hot to go for? Yeah, he's like, the reason I fuck so much is because my childhood was this, or I don't know.

You don't like to hear that? You just want him to keep fucking? How about you just say, I like pussy? Yeah. You don't have to pretend to be this guy.

He's expressive. He's an artist. I know he is. You don't get it, you Bud Light drinking son of a bitch. But nobody's asking what to's expressive. He's an artist. I know he is. You don't get it, you bud-like drinking son of a bitch. But like nobody's asking. I don't know what to tell you. He's all American.

Also, it doesn't look good, you hating an Asian. I know. That's why I'm trying to backpedal on this guy. Bring him back. Bring him back. You know, you cut your dick. I cut my sack open on a fence. Saw my ball.

Oh, no. Oh, my God. You saw your ball? In college. Got really drunk at a party. God. You saw your ball? In college. Got really drunk at a party. Started making out with this girl on the couch. Her boyfriend sees me. He's like, we're going outside.

I was like, all right, let's do it. And you ran. And then he's like, Bobby, Jimmy, Mike, all these guys came out of the woodwork. So I was alone. So I just jumped this fence, straddled it, couldn't make it all the way over. Fell over the other side. I was hanging by my jeans. The jeans ripped. They're all laughing. way over, fell over the other side. I was hanging by my jeans. The jeans ripped.

They're all laughing. Ran home, passed out, woke up. Sack was torn, blood everywhere. Had to get it stitched up. What? Yeah, I had to wear a jockstrap for a month. And then I had to get the stitches removed. That guy owned you, dude.

He really did. It was bad. No, no, no, no. No? You won that. Well, the fence won. You hooked up with this lady? Yeah.

I had to start wearing a cup in jiu-jitsu because someone was passing my guard and he No, no, no. No? You won that. Well, defense won. You hooked up with this lady? Yeah. I had to start wearing a cup in jujitsu because someone was passing my guard, and he slammed his knee into my dick. And it hurt like hell at the time, but I thought I was okay. And then I went into the locker room, and my jockstrap was filled with blood. Oh. So blood had been coming out of the tip of my dick while I was training. So I was training, and blood, because you just get so used to getting banged up, right? So then I go home, and I'm trying to think, okay, do I go straight to the doctor, or do

I treat it like a bloody nose? Because if it was a bloody nose, I would just go, what are they going to do? Yeah, but I've heard of bloody noses. Right. Well, now you've heard of a bloody dick. Yeah. So what did I do? Well, I went home, and I jerked off.

I wanted to make sure it still worked. Oh, no, dude. What? I just wanted to make sure it still works. The New York Post is going to be all over this. As long as it still works. Jack's off with bloody dogs. Well, that's what I did.

I wanted to see if it worked. You're getting your medical advice from a guy who said, jerk off first. Yeah, jerk off if your dick is bleeding. But it was bleeding from the inside. So I was like, well, what are they going to do to fix it? They're not going to put a bandage on the inside. How'd the whack off go? It was fine.

How'd the whack? Did it hurt? It looked like a chicken fetus. You ever get an egg that has a baby chick inside of it? That's what my jizz looked like. It fetus you ever get an egg that has a baby chick inside of it that's what my jizz looked like it was just red and white it was chaos

it was basically like a little chicken abortion but it worked so I was like okay we'll try again tomorrow so I tried again tomorrow and there was a little less blood the second day very little blood the second day it was still a little pink but it wasn't scary the first day was like woo seeing my jock day. Very little blood the second day. It was still a little pink, but it wasn't scary. The first day was like, woo.

Seeing my jockstrap filled with blood, I was like, yikes. But if that was my nose, I would just stuff some tissue up it and keep moving. You can't stuff tissue paper up your butthole. What are they going to do? I looked at it like there's no cut. I'm like, so something inside broke a little bit. Put it in a splinter. And it's fine now.

You're all good. It's all good. I made kids with it. But I was thinking that something happened during the slam like any other kind of trauma. You get a cut in your face or something. What do you do? You just let it heal. Yeah, your dick got smushed.

Blood out of your dick. My cock got smushed. But that was my response. That's how dumb I am. My response was to see if I could jerk off. Well, it kind of worked. It works. Yeah, you got it out.

I did the same with the sliced dong. Did you? Whacked it off. What am I going to now whack off? You just jerk off around it. You know, you just hit the tip. Yeah. Don't mess with the hammer.

That's what I did with the jockstrap, you know. You still got to whack. Did you have to, when you got it stitched up, did you have to wear anything there, like a diaper or something? Well, first of all, I stuck a needle in my sack to Novocaine. That was a nightmare. Seeing a giant needle go in your sack is pretty eye-opening. And then I watched him stitch it. We're talking about, hey, how about those tigers?

And then I had to wear a jockstrap for a month and then go get them taken out. Wow. Brutal. College man. Did you ever run into that guy again? No, no, never. Really? Thank God.

Never? That's a big school. You think he ever watches you on Netflix and goes, ah, that fucking guy. I wonder if he remembers you. Maybe, maybe. I saw his raw nut. That guy fucked my wife.

Probably. It was all a blur. They ended up working out. Imagine if it worked out with them, and they got back together because of your trauma. Hey, there you go. And then they started dating. You guys having sex when they walked in?

Just a make out on a couch. But really like going at it. I had a handful of boob and everything. She probably told him and that's why he came over. It was one of those girls. Come over at 634. One of them drama queens. Yeah, it got ugly.

There was a lot of fighting in college. College was scary. So was high school. Yeah. High school boys, once they develop strength and their fucking frontal lobe hasn't really developed yet, they're very dangerous. College didn't live at home, too. So it was like living really like adults with just morons.

Morons. Ari, did you go to a Jew high school? I did go to a Jew high school. What happened there? A lot of fights or a lot of litigation? We'd have like, yeah. A lot of threats. A lot of, do you know what my dad is? For sure. A lot of threats. A lot of do you know what my dad is, for sure.

Oh, litigation. A lot of litigation. Oh, litigation. It never got physical much. But the weather was good at that school. What? Oh my God, litigation. You learn how to control the weather in third period.

Yeah, what'd you guys learn in there? All sorts of stuff. Learn how to control the weather. The 9-11 plans. You guys planned it. Yeah. 9-11 plans. You guys planned it. Yeah. 9-11 plans. You learned how to turn a soup back.

Hey, Shane, tell everybody what we were talking about before this, because I can't believe that this happened. But his video got pulled off of YouTube because he simply said that when he had COVID, he just drank beer. I said that the way I beat COVID was I just drank beer. That's all I was doing. That's all he said. And it worked and I was healed. Funny.

I was just explaining exactly what happened. And the episode got taken down from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Oh, the whole episode got taken down. Imagine how fucking insane that is. Like six months later. That's so silly, yeah. Imagine how insane that is. They six months later. That's so silly. Yeah. Imagine how insane that is.

They're going through old podcasts. They really are. Giannis Papas just got hit with one from six months ago. He told me. They gave him a strike. He can't post to his account

right now. Oh, I'm going to lose all sorts of stuff. I know. It's just like, what are you doing? Like, why? What's the point?

Like, you're looking at what these guys are saying. Like, what is, this is fun. It's like, no one's getting hurt from any of this. If anybody's getting, this is the whole thing. It's like, you're not at what these guys are saying. Like, what is, this is fun. It's like, no one's getting hurt from any of this. Yeah. If anybody's getting, this is the whole thing.

It's like, you're not supposed to have, like, COVID misinformation or anything that doesn't go along with the lines. You're given some instructions, but that's not what you're doing. You're talking shit. If anybody was like, well, I was gonna get vaccinated, but then I saw Shane.

Drink beer. And he drank beer, so I'm like, I'm going to fucking drink beer too, bro. Is that really a real thing? Well, I got lucky. It was nothing. I got COVID and it was nothing, so I just drank beer. Imagine that that's enough.

Are these woke kids that are doing this, or is this an algorithm? Is this AI? It's got to be AI. But they go further and further. Any touch of it is like a problem. That's all he did. He told the truth about exactly what happened. He said I got vaccinated and I admitted to being gay. But silencing it kind of brings more attention to

it, I think. Now we're all talking about it. Well, it should. Because that's the only way to combat it because otherwise then they get control of the narrative completely and then no one can say anything that's even remotely dangerous. I think it's just AIs. I think it's just just ais that are like operating too far on straight up what they think is missing what did you guys why you're wrong what did you do is why you're wrong because it stands up to appeal they they appeal i know but that means a person ever tried to appeal to go

nah which means like no one's even looking at this going no no no no no appeal things and they've come through they look at your stuff but someone is stuff i think if you have a good i think it's all who's your fucking person right if there's a thousand people that do this or a million people that do this they're all subjective they all have their individual ideas about things about what's acceptable and what's not i mean i'm sure they have guidelines but there's clearly some wiggle room all right yeah so if they can get someone to actually look at it when you get like uh would kill tony get strikes because like you can't explain it to someone when i get a bullying

charge for Betty White it's like no one's looking at this you bullied Betty White what happened to Betty White you bullied Betty White you bullied her to death she's gone man

she died she's out of the Golden Girls Reunion she died she probably got the booster and died Afghanistan yeah

imagine the booster takes you out at 99 like you can't even say it being 99 years old would be like I bet I gotta to get this booster. Yeah. She was like, what do you do with the devil?

99, Betty White. This podcast is down now. This podcast is down for that. Just for that last 30 seconds. Yeah, but it's not on YouTube. If you're 99 and listening to Spotify, get the booster. But I need a 99-year-old who knows how to use Spotify. It's doing pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah, they're rare. Imagine just picking up the internet when you're 70. Yeah, right? What is this world? 70, and all of a sudden you're in chat rooms talking shit. Yeah, and getting laid. 70, you're sharing memes.

You think it's like a Vietnam vets chat room. Right, right. Just at each other's throats. You got a Reddit thread. In 70, you start a Twitch channel, start talking shit while you're playing video games. Well, they are Twitching. 106-year-old Philadelphia woman is a big fan of Big Mac This is yeah, this is more hurtful to people's health. That's been saying like yeah, maybe the backs is dangerous I know that that should be medical misinformation crush Big Macs. Yeah, she said it kept her free of disease

She kept her free of disease. That's back when Big Mac started where they were made with actual meat. She credits junk food for her long life. Her granddaughter said that maybe her lengthy lifespan has to do with the nine gin-soaked raisins she ate every day, too. Gin-soaked raisins? Queen Elizabeth said the same thing. Gin-soaked raisins? What kind of a weirdo lady is this?

What a Victorian-eating junk refugee. What's that, James? It says not eating junk food. Oh, not eating junk food. But she eats burgers. I know. That's right. It's dick. What the fuck does that mean? She's a liar. What's that, James? It says not eating junk food. Oh, not eating junk food. But she eats burgers. I know. It's thick. What the fuck does that mean?

She's a liar. She's got dementia. That's what kept her alive. Dementia. But who the fuck is like, is that a thing? The vodka-soaked raisins or something like that? Is that a real thing? Queen Elizabeth drinks a couple gin and tonics a day, says that's her thing.

But gin-soaked raisins. Gin-soaked raisins? That seems so crazy. 105-year-old man has a gin and tonic a day. Says that's her thing. But gin-soaked raisins. That seems so crazy. 105-year-old man has a specific trick. Look at that. 105-year-old Englishman had a whiskey in his tea every morning. See? Booze. If you're one of those guys that's like, you know what, I'm just going to stay alcohol-free.

Cheers, gentlemen. I'm going to stay alcohol-free. I get my blood work done. Even when I drink a little bit, I'm okay. You just got to take care of yourself. Yeah, moderation. Exercise, moderation, diet. You just got to take care of yourself. Yeah, moderation. Yeah, moderation and take care of yourself. Exercise, moderation, diet, but check out your liver. Hey, Jamie, those last two pictures, those last two people, stories, the old people,

how many of them are dead now? They're all dead. They got me all dead. How old is this article? This was today. The 106-year-old lady was today. 106-year-old lady. Scroll down with that 117-year-old lady. Is that a real person?

Where were you? French nun. I love a photo. 117-year-old French nun whose secret is red wine and a 100-year-old San Francisco woman who is fond of non-traditional bedtime snack of one beer and three potato chips. It's all booze. She sucks. Isn't it funny, though, that like-

One beer only and three potato chips. Here's the thing. Like my mother said. We get happy when we hear about someone who like lives a long life like that. Like, wow. But if you had to live their life, you'd be like, take me. She survived COVID? She survived COVID.

Without her eyes. She's 117 years old. She survived COVID? She also hates Jews. Oh, my God. She survived COVID. Oh, look at those eyes. She's possessed.

Oh, fuck. She's possessed. She just can't see. You guys are assholes. Oh, really? That's you in 10 years. Look at that nose. She's possessed. Oh, fuck. She's possessed. She just can't see. You guys are assholes. Oh, really? That's you in 10 years. Look at that nose. That's about right.

That's actually, dude, for real, that's not far. That's not far. Your Lasix is going to wear off. That's the one thing where nature tries to keep you from fucking old people. As they get older, their nose grows bigger and their ears grow bigger. Yep. There are two things that no one's going to like bigger. Let's make them grow.

Their balls get longer. Her ears look like a bat's head. Look at those earlobes. She got jizz in the eye. She's going to like bigger. Let's make them grow. Balls get longer. Her ears look like a bat's head. Look at that. Look at those earlobes. She got jizz in the eye. She's a nun. Wow. All these pictures, she looks like she's cumming.

But the problem is, somebody's wiping that ass. For every happy ending story with these old people, somebody's wiping her ass. Jesus wipes her ass. Ugh. Jesus wipes her ass. There's going to come a point in time where they're going to be able to reverse aging. It's not far off. Like David Sinclair, this guy from Harvard who's been on my podcast a few times, they're going to be able to reverse aging. It's not far off. Like David Sinclair, this guy from Harvard who's been on my podcast

a few times, they're working on it and they they've got to the point where they can pull it back a little. Like he's 52, he looks like he's 40 and I'm not exactly. Really? Go backwards instead of forwards? Yes. Wow. He's essentially 10 years younger than his biological age. If you need a test group, I'll be your test group. You're too old. Start with my head.

It's coming up, right? February 12th, yeah. His physical age, his biological age is 10 years older than his actual age. No, his biological age is 10 years younger than his calendar age. It's good for Jared Fogle. Keep him young. Not that young. But imagine if he got to the point where he could go back to maturity,

back to like 21, 25 years old. It's because I think they're going to be able to do that 25 years old because I think they're gonna be able to do that but with old people they still gonna have long ears so like people people gonna know like would you do something would you like nothing I'm fucking you know it's my first time around because we would probably get mad if like 400 year old people were fucking 30 year olds so dumb so easy so 30, they're a tenth of you. Try getting a 400-year-old lady to join your cult. Good luck.

We can't have this many people. I don't like it. No, we'll have to murder some people. We'll have to murder some people. We've got to all die. If people start living forever, we have to murder some people to clear it out. When you get to a certain age, are you going to want to cash in your chips? No, I want to keep going. If I can reverse.

I'm going to die before it's even... Yeah, you'll die. A heart disease. You might not make it until 2025. That's fine. All right. You got to go out good. You got a good special.

What year do you want to go? How old are you now? 34. What do you like to get to? 85. 85 is good. Yeah, I'll get to 60. But when you're 59, you're going to want to go to 80.

Of course. When you're 116, you're going to go to 117. It's like, no, dude. She's like, I read about this shit that brings you back. Call it a day. She's just dreaming one day. This can't be real. I'm just looking at the oldest people, you know?

Yeah. Says this guy's 146. Whoa, look at that mole right in the center. How come it can't be real? 146? Another black guy. See, the thing is- He's lying. Who believes this guy? Those eyes are dead. They don it can't be real? Another black eye. See, the thing is... He's lying.

Who believes this guy? Those eyes are dead. They don't work anymore. He's a full mummy. I had a dog that had that when he died. Wow, he looks like he opened the Ark of the Covenant. It's cataracts. This is a shitty country that needs this for publicity.

Click on that link so we can read it. I think that might be real. See, here's the thing, man. If somebody can live to be 20, then it's not outside of possibilities that someone can live to be 20 years old. Or in 1870. This is real. Are you kidding me?

That's not real. That's before electricity. That's Flavor Flav. Well, how do you know it's not real, though? It could be a tortoise. He does look like a tortoise. It also says he claims. They don't have...

Indonesia. Told you. Told you. He claims to be the oldest person that ever lived and celebrated. But maybe he's right. They said it's accurate. The Indonesian records office. Yeah, the Indonesian records office.

They found a coconut that it was scrolled into. Right. It was right after Krakatoa. You don't even know anything about that. Look at his face. I know about Krakatoa. That's the super volcano, right? That is tough.

Is Krakatoa the super volcano? Yes. Thank you. He began preparing to die 24 years ago. Wow. Oh, he did die. He's dead now. Yeah, this is a couple years old.

Look at that. That's crazy. Wow, gross. The thing about when they get that old, you don't really know. He still had hair, too. Is Krakatoa the one where it brought the entire human population down to like 7,000 people? That was COVID. No.

Which one was that? Toba. Toba? Yeah. Is that Indonesia? What was it? What was Toba? Krakatoa.

Indonesia. Krakatoa is recent in human history. Krakatoa is 1883, though. Oh, I got it. That's what I'm saying. He was alive for Krakatoa. He was alive for Krakatoa. It's not real. Oh, I got it. That's what I'm saying. He was alive for Krakatoa. He was alive for Krakatoa. It's not real.

Damn. There was an Indonesian one that was real recently. Wasn't there an Indonesian volcano that was real recent? Like, not catastrophic, but I think there was a volcanic eruption real recently. What about Wise Krakatoa? I really want to name this group. Wise Krakatoa is pretty good. I'm going to get a couple drinks.

I like your ideas here. Come on, man. I hate you. You got to get moved. Wise. That's the other thing about the internet. Instagram, I say fatty to people, and they keep deleting it. Can't even say fatty now.

Because they call it bullying. They call it bullying. I think it's bullying. I'm telling you, when I said I'm going to invade Burt Kreischer's family, and they were like, nah, that's where it started. Wait, you're going to what? Invade his family, but they're going to give my records back. What are you going to do? And they took you, and they were like, nah, that's where it started. Wait, you're going to what? Invade his family if you didn't give me my records back. What are you going to do?

And they took you off. They were like, yeah. How are you going to invade the family? Serious trouble. Oh, I'd get stinking there late at night. And do what to his family? He's got dogs. Just keep them doing what they're doing already.

He's got big dogs. Bert has mastiffs. Yeah, that's pretty scary. He can drug those. Bro, if you got bit by a mastiff, do you have any idea what that would do to your tissue? And those dogs do not like you guys. What are you saying? What are you guys? German shepherds. You're thinking about German shepher scary. He can chug those. Bro, if you got bit by a mastiff, do you have any idea what that would do to your tissue? And those dogs do not like you guys. What do you say? What do you guys?

German shepherds. You're thinking about German shepherds. Hebes. All dogs, dude. That's why they go to heaven. Because they hate Jesus? Because they're doing Jesus' work. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Because you've had too many wafers. All dogs go to heaven. Don't get me started on German shepherds. Yeah, do they? Oh, well, not the gay ones. The gay dogs? They don't have them. If you're out there listening and you're going to get a German Shepherd as a pet, you better

be willing to work with that dog. You got to exercise that dog, take it on runs, do things with it. You can't just leave a dog like that in the yard. They'll go crazy. And we know you're not willing to do that work. Yeah, so get that Michael Vick. Get a little poodle, bitch. Now, Michael Vick worked those boys.

Did he? He worked the hell out of those dogs. They were fighting. Dogs were probably having a little bit of fun. You should have seen his dog record was like 86 and 14. His record was good? He was like, great. You know what's fucked?

Underrated. He's in the Hall of Fame of dog fighting. I got to get some new references. There's like a silent group of people that are involved in dog fights that have been involved in dog fights for a long time and that sort of exposed what that whole community is all about because there's a lot of dog fighting going on in parts of this country um there's a guy that i knew um i know him but he at one point in time used to fight dogs and he lived in somewhere in the south. I forget which state. Yeah, the south loves it. Yeah, and he had these dogs that were on chains.

And the chains would go out to a small dog house. And the chains were far enough so that each dog couldn't get at the other dog. And that's how he kept them. He just kept them in his yard. And he put them on heavy chains so they worked out. And they walked around with these heavy chains on. And he would have them on dog treadmills they have dog treadmills for pitbulls Jesus they get him in shape and then they have they named the dog after the

bloodline so it's a champions bloodline so if there's just one dog that was sounds awesome by killing all these other dogs they would name him so it's like you know if you had a name like if you if you were bucky and you know it'd be like bucky's son or you know grandson of grand champion this and they have this like sort of underground community and when michael vick got busted it sort of exposed that to a lot of people that you know especially a lot of people that are urban folks that don't know anybody who would even be involved in dog fighting. I could be the name of our group. Urban folks.

I like that. I like that. If you're living in a big city, you probably don't get to see too many dog fights. But if you're in rural parts of the south, it's a big money thing. It's like I had a gardener who was in a chicken fighting. He would fight roosters. I went to one of those. It's wild. It's vicious. Vicious. I went to one in Puerto Rico. It's in a chicken fighting. He would fight roosters. I went to one of those. It's wild. Vicious. Vicious. I went and won Puerto Rico.

It's in a pit. You're all standing there with money shaking. Woohoo! For them, it's a part of their culture. And he said, and then, you know, the winner gets to make soup out of the loser. Ooh. So if your bird wins, even if your bird wins, your bird's gonna get fucked up. It's probably gonna get sliced up pretty good.

They take the one that died and they'll fucking cook them in a nice soup they heal up if they're still like okay they sew them up yeah

that chicken's a little raptor that's what that is oh yeah isn't that weird to think of that's not that much smaller than what a real raptor was it is funny if the urban folks

that were fighting the dogs would just dress like a matador all the honkies would be okay with it if they just stood there like that's the urban folks that were fighting the dogs would just dress like a matador. All the honkies would be okay with it. If they were just wearing some dumb, goofy... If they had some traditional outfit. Then we'd be like, well, then it's okay if they're stabbing a bull with a sword over it. Well, they're trying to get rid of that.

Bull fighting, at least, though, is a chance to kill you. Have you been? No. I didn't get to go. But they stab it with like eight spears. It just keeps going. Yeah, they keep stabbing it. Well, don't they stab them before they let them out? Yeah, they cut them quite a bit before.

Yeah, they don't just let them out. I think they tie the sack. That's how they get them angry. That's the bull riding. Oh, that's riding. Sorry. The wildest shit is those dudes who stand there and wait for the bulls to charge them and they flip. Rodeo clowns? What? They jump up in the air and flip over the bulls. I've never seen that. Rodeo clowns? No, no, no. They're not rodeo clowns.

It's like a type of bullfighting, but they literally are acrobats who leap over the bulls as they charge. What? So the bulls charge them and they do flips. They're their own like cape? Well, they don't do the cape. They just jump through the air and do back flips over bulls. But the thing is, they don't always do it right.

And every now and then the bull wins. It looks like a car wreck. You gotta have that. You gotta have that danger. Oh, yeah. You know those like when people wear those don't always do it right. And every now and then the bull wins. It looks like a car wreck. You gotta have that. You gotta have that danger. Oh, yeah. You know those, like, when people wear those bubble suits and run at each other? What? Whoa.

Look at this guy. Whoa, it's like a limbo. Oh, he got clipped there. Okay, this, look at this. Oh, my God. The leaping of the bulls. Yeah, so this guy's doing a front flip Oh he's putting his head right in the way too

That's a fair fight No weapons That's a very fair fight This is better than That guy's wild man The Cortez door That is a wild dude Wow

And he has to really be careful Because that thing goes in his lungs He's a dead man He's trying to spear him The bull is trying to murder him Yeah 100% Look at that flip

How do you practice this? Bro that flip is wild You practice with like a poodle first? Oh, you get points depending on how close you are. Oh, my God. They have a technique to lean backwards like that. Yeah, he says, I don't see the bull as my enemy, more like my friend. Like, bitch, what?

No, no. This is humane. Yeah. Oh, it's the most humane. Oh, so they have a team with points. I still like stabbing it. They score points. Look at these guys.

They're on the same team. What about the guys who get in that clear bubble ball? That's what I was saying. Oh, they're great. Did you watch it? Or are you just saying it? No, I haven't watched it. No, I haven't watched it.

They're amazing. You know what's stunning is the sheer amount. The bubbles you run into each other with. Oh, yeah. And they get bulls to run into. They bring bulls. What? What's crazy is the distance they travel when a bull hits them.

Pull it up. They really fly. It's like flying? They go like if you kicked it. Yeah. I want to go to see one of these live now. I don't know how you don't fuck your legs up. Whoa.

Victimless crime. Those are smaller ones. Those are smaller ones. I've seen bigger ones. Those are fucking dangerous because your knees get torn apart. Oh, there it is. And they get stomped on, too. He's coming in.

Oh, that's not good. Get me out. Get me out. Whoa. Yeah, your legs are out. Your legs are totally out. That's terrible. If they stomped on your knee, you're done.

You're done forever. You're done forever. Look at this guy trying to run away. He's a little wobbly. He's like, you got me on that. You got me, boo. Meanwhile, he's keeping that bubble on, even though he can't run with it on. Wow.

This is so dumb, man. With COVID, we're going to be wearing these. Boom. Whoa. Oh, my God. And that thing took, man. With COVID, we're going to be wearing these. Whoa. Oh, my God. And that thing took him right. That's great. We got to go to one of these live.

That was right at where the bottom is. He's coming right back. Press play. It's appalling he's not wearing a mask. This is so. So you give that poor Bill COVID. Wow. This is great.

These guys are living it. This is the Jackass thing. Rodeo clowns. No, this is like Special Olympics. This is Jackass did are living This is the Jackass thing Rodeo clowns No this is like Special Olympics This is Jackass did this Oh they did? This is like the special Olympics

Bro this is so dumb Oh my god It's so dumb Oh Man that's terrifying Oh my god Who thought of this? It's so bad

This is not a Like a Jackass did that In their movie And they all got paid like, you know, a lot.

Those guys are doing it for like drink tickets. Yeah, right. I get two fucking bush lights after this? Yeah. We'll pay for your parking,

just go over here. I had this dude on Fear Factor that was a bull rider and his shoulder was completely destroyed. He had scars like all over his shoulder

from just, just getting it ripped apart and trying to hang on or falling to the ground, one or the other. I don't know which arm it was that was fucked, but he was like, yeah, I can't do anything. If I lift my arm up funny, it pops out.

Was it worth it? I don't know. I mean, there's a whole culture behind that. Probably. Those bull riders are different. It's a good life. They're a different kind of human. We'd go to the rodeo when I was a kid.

What is this? Knoxville. Knoxville paints it up. Oh, this is one of the classics. Jack go to the rodeo when I was a kid. What is this? Knoxville. This is one of the classics. Jackass 3. Once he makes them. His dick was still working there. I love how he stands in, though.

Oh, Margera. Oh, my God. This guy's got balls. He's the man. Bull's getting ready. That could be considered blackface now, by the way. Oh, my God. He's standing in. Oh, my God.

He's standing in while this bull is... Steve-O's nervous. Oh, Jesus. The bull doesn't seem to know what to do. It gets confused when it sees the wall. They only see red, right? Oh, I don't know if that's real. Oh.

Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, that wasn't so bad. That was a good move. You don't want to fall from 5 feet in the air. He could be paralyzed. He's all right. Look at him. He's got a target on his back.

Dude, you know... It's those little touches for jackass. Yeah, they're the greatest franchise in history. I didn't realize how good they were until I went to Europe and everybody there loved them. Oh, they're great. I was like, yeah, that makes sense. Oh, so you need other people to love something for you to love it? No, no, no.

Do you see what the fuck he just said? Oh my God. Now you're turning on me, dude? I thought this was God's clan. It's the Bushmeat Boys. I thought this was fucking Dude's clan or whatever. The Bushmeat Boys. It's not the Bushmeat Boys, dude.

We don't joke about each other. How much of a nightmare was Fear Factor to do? Well, we did a bull riding thing once, and during the bull riding, there was only two times in the history of the show where I told them, don't do it. I said, don't do this. Don't do it. And that was a big one. They go, well, this guy was a stunt

guy. Those stunt guys are, they're fucking, they're different humans. They're so used to getting hurt. They're so used to just being brave and taking wild chances. The stunt guy literally said this to me. He goes, don't worry about it, boo. Those are stunt bulls.

I go, stunt bulls? I go, does that bull know he's a stunt bull? I bet he thinks he's a fucking bull. What are you talking about? What is a stunt bull? His thing was like 2,000 pounds, and it's in the cage. Bang, bang. Bang, bang. And they strapped a 98-pound girl to that thing.

What? And I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. What? Strapped a lady to a rodeo? What? Guys, you have to understand, this show wasn't being done before this. So it was like brand new that they would put people up for anything on TV. I know, but a woman on there is crazy.

It was nuts. We always had women on the show doing wild shit. But this lady almost got kicked in the face. Whoa. She goes flying in the air. And as she's flying in the air, the like kicks back and as the bull kicks back this is her as the bull kicks back she almost got jacked and watch this she's tiny but watch when the when she gets thrown off

and she lands completely flat on her back her wind's gone wind is gone Yeah, so she lands Look how far she lands And she almost gets kicked in the face It kicked her up It kicked her up Oh my god, she's flat like a doll It kind of did hit the back of her head, right? And she landed completely flat on her back By the way, if she landed on her head

This could have been a horrific injury She's laughing? That's how Betty White went But that was just dumb luck that she landed on her back And this is what I said I said to the guys afterwards I said, we rolled the dice Yeah That's how Betty White went. But that was just dumb luck that she landed on her back. And this is what I said. I said to the guys afterwards, I said, we rolled the dice. Yeah. That's me. She's pretty hot. So are you, by the way. I was sweet back then.

But this whole show was like, they kept ramping it up over and over and over again. So it was two times. The second time they made people drink jizz. And that was the time the show got canceled. No way. Oh yeah, yeah. They played horseshoes. Even if you got a ring, if you ring it with the horseshoe, you still had to drink

jizz. What? You just had to drink less jizz. Because they kept ramping it up. I feel like females have the advantage there, because they've eaten jizz before. Well, you are a homophobic piece of shit. Or endgays. That's why.

Sorry. Gays and women have the advantage. There's some gay guys in my family, dude. So look at this. This never aired in America. That sucks for you. It's never aired in America, but it did air overseas. I think women have the energy. There's some gay guys in my family, dude. So look at this. This never aired in America. That sucks for you. It's never aired in America, but it did air overseas. I think it aired in Hollywood.

Is it human jizz? No, it's donkey. Who jerked it off? Oh, that tastes good. It's donkey jizz and donkey piss. Oh, come on. So they were twins. Wait, I didn't know it was a black donkey.

Can I say this? Was this your idea? Was it kind of hot to watch those girls drink some jizz? No. No, it was not hot. Come on, Joe. Wait, now we got to watch to see if it's hot. No, no.

This is hot already. These girls are pretty. It's not hot. They're drinking piss and jizz. I want the jizz. R. Kelly, would you drink the piss or the jizz? I would drink the jizz. What?

The girls drinking the piss got through it first. You gotta drink piss, dude. What are you, a fucking gay dude? No, this is... I was... You're supposed to be drunk. On TV. What are you, a fucking gay dude? How many ed to be drunk. On TV. How many edibles are you on here?

Oh, I was high as fuck. I was high for every episode after episode four. Have you guys tasted piss? You order the jizz, I'll order the piss. I like how they're plugging the nose. That's hilarious. The texture of jizz? Not just the texture of jizz, the texture of a quart of jizz.

That guy downed it. He should throw up on his brother. I'm going to throw up right here. I want to get to these two. I'd like to see them drink. Get the two blondes is what I'm looking for. I hope they spill some on their chin. They did it.

No problem. That was nice of NBC to have barf buckets ready. Right away. Oh, it's a big part of the show. This was NBC? Yeah. Yeah, baby. These fuckers fired me?

Oh, yeah. Dude, trust me. They were doing this? This never aired. But the point is, this did get the green light from the executives. Oh, yeah, look at her mascara running. Oh, I've seen that porn. How dare you?

Dude, this is brutal. It's brutal. So this is a real show. Oh, shit, look, Sal. Go back to that freeze frame. This is hot. Right there. This is hot.

Look, it's got all the sugar. Oh, my God. It's dripping cum off her chin. Oh, God. On television. The 90s, baby. On TV. No, this's got all the sugar. It's dripping cum off her chin. Oh, God. On television. The 90s, baby. On TV. No, this wasn't the 90s.

This was 2011. Wow. Yes. This was recent, dude. Listen to me. Listen to me. What happened to America? This was when Fear Factor came back.

We came back for like six episodes, and then it got canceled. Look at the other girl. Game recognizes game. She's like, lady, nice. Nice chain wallet, nerd. Thank you. You had a chain wallet? It was nice nice chain wallet nerd you it was a chain wallet it was a nice one oh that donkey's having a good time chilling i will say look at that chain wallet look at that look at that chain show it jamie what do you want that sucks dude no man

it's comfortable that's a big that's a big day thought you were alive that's the biggest if i wanted to kill somebody with a chain, I have one handy. That's true. I mean, being high for that must have been fucking insane. It was high. Every show was high. If you were high watching it. It was always insane.

Because I did it, I was bored for the first four episodes. I was like, oh my god, what have I signed up for? And I thought, oh, this is going to get canceled. This is so crazy. But when you're high, then it's like becomes so preposterous. Right. And everything was preposterous. And then also I felt like a lot of empathy towards the people.

Totally. Like when I was high, I wanted them to do well. I feel like it helped me. It helped me coach them. It's a root for them? Yeah, it did. It helped me coach them and helped me pump people up. Because there's some times where you can change a person.

Like when they're about to do something, you can pump them up. Right. You really can. Especially if it's not something that's going to kill them. Like just go listen. You can fucking do it. And then just that vote of confidence and just giving them a perspective. Just force yourself to do it.

Just decide that this is what you're going to do. Don't give yourself an out. Don't give yourself any options. Just do it. And you can do it. I know you can do it. And you'll feel better about yourself. If you quit right now, you're going to feel like a bitch for the rest of your life.

And then it's donkey jizz. And then donkey jizz. You talked him into something terrible. This is what casting couch is. Come on. Just get done with it. Well, the problem was everybody had to do these stunts. And only one person would wind up winning the month.

In this case, twins would wind up winning the month. So they did it for nothing. Yeah, two people. The blondes win? Two guys. Don't remember. They should win. I hope they won, dude.

I hope those twins are doing well. Just because of the jizz. Where are they now? I love those girls. They've got more jizz in their stomach than Rod Stewart. Remember that rumor? Oh, yeah. He had to get a stomach pump.

I heard Jon Bon Jovi. They did that about Lil' Kim, too. That's right. Jon Bon Jovi. They lied about my sweet Lil' Kim. The Richard Gere Jermel one was the biggest one. Richard Gere. rumor oh yeah yeah about little Kim too that's right sweet little kid the Richard here journal was the biggest rumor of all time that one spread like wildfire is viral before viral I grew up in Boston Eddie Bravo grew up out here in California we both heard about the New Orleans we heard it I mean it made it through the country. It's still going. It's real It's in Malaysia right now at least

That guy heard it 146 year old heard it. He started it This is just a theory But he was in Scientology for a while And when he left They were like yeah oh really Take this with you That doesn't mean it's fake that's the reason it came out

Cause they released it But it was real I think it's fake. That's the reason it came out. Could be. Because they released it, but it was real. I think it's more like they were shaming him. It might have been gerbil fetuses or something, but it happened. They must declaw it because of the anal cavity. Guys have definitely done it, and they probably did it after hearing that rumor. That was probably the first guy to do it. Yeah.

You stuff one in like a bulletproof condom. You see the South Park with him getting lost in there? Yeah, Lemmy Winks. Was it Mr. Slave? Lemmy Winks gets stuck in Mr. Slave. You know what sucks though

is being the type of guy that that rumor would stick to. Like Richard Gere. It was so weird. It came out like somebody being like, yeah, that's something you would do.

Yeah. Hold on. But it was such a weird specific choice that you believed it. It was so specific that I believe it. After the Gigolo movie and an officer and a gentleman, too many women wanted to fuck him.

True. Everybody was happy. He got bored. He got bored. Cindy Crawford. Got bored and went for it. I'm not saying he really did it. I'm saying the rumor.

The jealous dolphin's grabbing him, dragging him down because he was hot. I'm saying he did it. That's all the guys. That's because you're a jealous dolphin. He did it out of boredom. I'm jealous of the gerbil. Richard Gere was hot. I'm saying he did. That's all the guys. That's because you're jealous. He did it out of boredom. I'm jealous of the gerbil. Richard Gere was hot. Richard Gere was on it.

Oh, so hot. Do you guys remember when he tried to go on stage in Madison Square Garden after 9-11 and say, we all just need to give love and express love? Richard Gere? Oh, my God. He got booed. What? He got booed so hard.

He tried to give his Buddhist philosophy to a bloodthirsty group of revenge-hungry New Yorkers. The ones who were just beating up Indian people at the time. That's right. They didn't even know what a Sikh is. Those were the days. Yeah. I got a couple turbans. It sucks because technically he was right.

We all need to give love. He was right to do that, dude. Yeah. That gerbil fucker went out there with a very nice, peaceful message. Yeah, love. And those dumb wops and Jews from New York couldn't handle it. What about the Irish? That gerbil fucker went out there with a very nice peaceful message. Yeah, love. And those dumb wops and Jews from New York couldn't handle it. What about the Irish?

We don't do that stuff. We're not worried about it. And the blacks. The Irish don't complain about those things. No, no, no. A few woke Irish guys write poetry. That's true. I got James Joyce.

Yeah, they drink and pretend they're deep. Oscar Wilde, yeah. The other guy. What do you mean they drink and pretend they're deep? You got something against the Irish? Not Oscar Wilde, but some Irish other guy. What do you mean they drink and pretend they're deep? You got something against the Irish? Some of them. Not Oscar Wilde, but some Irish people are annoying. Are you allowed to say up the raw on Spotify? I'm 25% Irish.

I'm 25% annoying, which might explain some of the tribulation to Stallone. Okay, Gere was originally cast in The Lords of Flatbush, but he and Stallone didn't get along. Shocker. So Stallone had G get along. Shocker. So Stallone had Gear fired. Ha ha. In the years since, Gear and Stallone's grudge has been well documented, which might explain why some have attributed the gerbil story to Stallone. But Stallone himself has claimed that Gear is responsible for Stallone's reported involvement

in the lore. Richard was given his walking papers from the Lord of Flatbush, and to this day, he seriously dislikes me. Sly said, ain't it cool news? In 2006, they were doing this. He even thinks I'm the individual responsible for the gerbil rumor. Not true, but that's the rumor. Sly?

What a dick. I probably put a gerbil in his ass or something. Are we talking about Sylvester? Yeah. It's basically a type of fruitcake. Speaking of donkeys, I... Oh, they talk about Unliving Color? I used to...

It's met on film. 1992 sketch. I used to love this sketch. So when did that rumor start? What year do you think that gerbil rumor started? Late 80s. Is that an article about the gerbil rumor? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all about it. Maxim Magazine. Oh, no. What is it? Melm Magazine. Melm? Melm Magazine? Yeah. Oh. Never heard of it. No, I haven't either. Hey, Kennison. Sam Kennison talking about it, no. What is it? Melm? Melm Magazine?

Oh. Never heard of it. No, I haven't either. Hey, Kennison. Sam Kennison talking about it. Did he talk about it? Let me hear Kennison talk about it. That's really old.

Has everybody heard this shit about Richard Gere? Dude, that's fucking intense, man. How many people have heard about Richard Gere having a gerbil in his ass? Uh-oh. I swear to God, it's maybe a rumor. I hope it's a rumor. I was in Miami last night. The fucking crowd there went nuts.

I go, shit, everybody in the country knows, supposedly. Because I don't want to get in trouble. But supposedly, supposedly, I guess he was in the hospital. Mark, you would probably know. But is this for real? You're a doctor in L.A. It is for real? He had a gerbil in his fucking ass? Corroborated.

Two of them? I can't believe it. How good can this fucking feel? Man, I have been drunk, folks. I have been drunk and coked up and fucked up to where I have pissed in my suitcase thinking it was the toilet. To where I lifted the lid of my suitcase

and just fucking pissed. Soaked down a $500 fucking red satin robe. Half a suitcase full of my fucking piss. You know, it never occurred to me to put a rodent in my fucking intestinal tract this was this is late term kiss yeah you can see yeah good that's not a guy who pays attention behind the wheel well this is the other thing I think someone hit him yeah the problem is he was- Was that over the line, dude? Could you just stop being this guy?

What are you talking about? Who's this guy, dude? I thought we were just busting balls. Who is this guy? He's the edgelord. Yeah, you ever sit back and say, what am I doing? Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe it's time to change.

Take it easy, dude. Kenison is the best example that I can- for comics of a guy who is awesome and then was a parody of himself really quickly. Yeah. Within just a few of himself really quickly. Yeah. Like within just a few years. One special. Yeah. One special.

One special is fucking fantastic though. That was when he was young and wild and nobody had seen anything like him. But then the partying and all that stuff after that, it became like a caricature. Yeah. It became like a guy

doing a Kennedy depression. I hope I do well and then fall apart like violently. You should. You will. You're on track. It's going to happen. It'd be good well and then fall apart violently. You should. You will. You're on track. It's going to happen. It'd be good, though, right?

Bad, bad, bad. Those are legends, dude. Those are the legends. You die by 27, you can't do anything wrong. You didn't get a chance yet. Also, you think I want to be fucking having a family and being gay and shit like that? Nah. You want a family.

It's a bad company. Let's shotgun these. I'm just Josh. Let's shotgun these. I'm Josh. And I've been saying, Jamie, please do me a kindness and get rid of all the times I've said homophobic stuff. No! How are you going to do that? How are you going to do that?

Jamie, best judgment. Jamie, could you do me a kindness? Edit out a lot of the homophobic stuff. Are you going to change your whole brand here? Why don't you edit me out of this entire episode? Blame it on Bud Light. Maybe you get a sponsorship. Bud Light will not sponsor me. I've never reached out to them, but these cockers

should. They better hurry up or I'm going to switch to Natty Light. Nah, you're talking. Natty Light will do it. Natty Light's desperate as hell. I think Budweiser owns them. Budweiser, pay me. Hey, let's shotgun these. Do you know how to do it? Do you support ice? You got a knife?

I love ice. What's that arrowhead you can use? Shotgun and fucking Bud Light with an arrow use? Yeah, yo, shotgun and fucking buttload of arrowhead. Yeah, let's do that. Ooh. I like it. You can't use that arrowhead. Yeah, use a knife.

This is why they built it. No, no, this is a real Native American arrowhead. What do you think they'd want it used for? Bro, if you broke this arrowhead, imagine if it survived 500 years in the ground. Dude, that's the height they're going to achieve. And you broke a fucking bug. Shotgunning a bear on the JRE. That's on them.

How are they going to kill the white man if the kid walked with a beer? You're denying them. I would use my dick before I'd use that. Wait, where'd you get that arrowhead? Somebody gave it to me. It's fake. How do you know it's real? Because I got it checked out.

Shut the fuck up. He got it authenticated. You guys are party poops. From what? Want some of this? Where'd you find it? Are you going to drink that pussy shit? No, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait. You busted it. I like crap. I have a knife. So it doesn't. Oh, I don't have a knife. Okay, okay. All right.

Here we go. Oh, Bushmeat Boys. That's what I was trying to avoid. Ugh. All right. There we go. All right. 12 years sober down the drain I have

It's time I'm gonna rip off the edge I don't really particularly like that kind of beer Very exciting It's not really about that What's it about? It's about camaraderie and guys having fun Jamie, you gotta get one

No, no, no He's got a fucking control panel back there Imagine if it kills the show About camaraderie and guys having fun. Jamie, you gotta get one, dude. America. No, no, no. He's got a fucking control panel back there. Imagine if it kills the show. This is for the bushcraft bitches. You fucking cunt. This was Ari's choice. I didn't want to do this.

Wait, I'm doing one? Yeah, you're doing one. I don't even drink. Hold on, hold on. You don't drink anymore? Yeah, quite a while ago. You got a booze right there? I just gave him one booze.

Oh, weird. Why? Joking. Ready? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How does this work again? It's been a while. James wants one?

Yeah, James wants one. Will you give me one? Can I have one, please? Yeah. So you crack the top. This whole damn studio is going to smell like Bud Light. Don't do anything yet. Oh, he already blew it.

Mine's already falling apart. No, it's fine. Ready? Did you already crack it? Hold on. Give me a second. These things are cold, dude. This carpet's going to get ruined.

This is going to go down hard. Wait, so what do you do? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. What do you do? Watch, wait, wait, wait. Wait. It's got to set. What do you do? How do you do it? You just crack it open and talk.

Peter North, that's hilarious, right? It hurts because it's cold. It's so cold. That was refreshing. It is refreshing, is it not? Yeah, it's like the ice bath of beer. Yeah. Because it's like you do it.

It's not comfortable. You do it, but it's over. You feel way better. You just took a whole beer right there. Feels great. But what a head. It really works. It goes down.

Yeah. Shotgun, bro. That's crazy. That is medical misinformation, though, if we're talking about telling the public to shotgun beers. What do you mean? How's that misinformation? We're not saying it's good for you. We showed how fucking awesome we are.

But it did cure your COVID. I got CVS vitamin D, and I drank a little bit of beer, and then I ate a lot of chicken wings. Zinc. Listen, thank God we're not on YouTube. I posted that I followed Joe Rogan's strict advice to be super racist. It started with Eskimos and moved on. Wait, you're an Eskimo? Are you racist to Eskimos?

No, not at all. He's known for it. It was called an Ari Shaffir tweet. You don't like Eskimos? I love them. What is it you don't like about them? Raw blubber. Something about it, man. You don't like ass commercials? I love them. What is it you don't like about them? Raw blubber. Something about it, man. You don't like them. And they ship those fucking geezers

out on ice floats. Is that right? The old guys? I don't like that. You ever see Bourdain's show where he went to visit this tribe that was I guess it was a tribe of Inuit. What do you call them? A group of families? Mark, don't throw up, you sissy. And they were eating raw seal. They were all eating raw seal. do you call them? A group of families? Finish it, Mark. Don't throw up, you sissy. And they were eating raw seal.

They were all eating raw seal. Are you still drinking? You have to pop the top, sissy. I think I did it wrong. He just tried to drink it without popping the top. I popped the top. I think I popped it enough. No, you don't drink it sideways.

You don't lip it either. I've been liping it. It's got to be one big thing. You don't lip it either. Oh, my God. Oh. I've been lipping it. Yeah. Fluting it. It's got to be one big thing. You got a deep throat, that thing. All right, I'll do it again later. I'll get it right. Give him another one to redeem himself.

Give me 10 minutes, you queefs. Yeah, let's wait it out. What the heck, Joe? You know, I saw a donkey show in Mexico. Did you? Yeah, speaking of donkeys. It wasn't good. I thought those were fake.

No, I saw it. I went to Mexico with a bunch of guys. The guy goes, you want to see a donkey show? We took a walk for like a half hour. It wasn't good. I thought those were fake. No, I saw it. I went to Mexico with a bunch of guys. The guy goes, you want to see a donkey show? We took a walk for like a half hour, and then we went to a barn. There's a circle of dudes. A hot girl comes out, dances. They bring a donkey out.

He's missing patches of fur, the whole thing. They flip the donkey over. She blows it, gives the donkey a boner. She was pretty hot. She's probably a young girl. I was pretty hot And then she sits on it I had to walk away She sits on it? Yeah Wait what?

Huge donkey dong by the way How far did she get? Probably 8 inches How much did you cum? A lot You didn't whack? I couldn't it was too sad Were dudes whacking?

Did you whack to it later? They weren't whacking but you could tell they were retaining For later Yeah yeah yeah Did you whack to it later? They weren't whacking, but you could tell they were retaining for later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you whack to it later? Yeah. Were you allowed to bring your phone? No, this is 90s.

Where was it? Mexico? Yeah. Which part? Outside of Boys Town. Where's that? Matamora. Where's that?

This could be called Boys Town. Oh, yeah. That's not bad. Is that what happened in the Franklin scandal? Where's Matamora? Donkey show every night. Look at this. Wow.

It didn't look like that. It says donkey show with an apostrophe before the S. That means this show belongs to the donkeys. It's the donkey's show. It's his show. It belongs to them. It's like Ari's show. Ari's show.

Jimmy Donkey runs this show every Saturday. Ari's show every night. Coronavirus. It's Ari's show, everybody. A lot of chicken fucking at my show. Covered in beer here. Yeah, you get a little covered in beer. Next thing you know, you...

Yeah. I'll take a stink. You stink like beer. Remember funneling? That was big. Funneling's great. It's a version of this. It works.

Funneling's better than shotgunning. I don't like shotgunning that much. Well, we used to do that with weed in the early days of the podcast. We'd do that volcano. Remember that? Oh, that's too much. It destroys you. Too much.

Too much. That's half the podcast we did. We were destroyed. Destroyed. I don't know how this caught on when it was unlistenable for four years. Imagine.

What are the odds? Imagine if we were like halfway deep into a bag, a volcano bag, and I said, bro, one day this is going to be the most listened to thing

on the earth. You'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Delusional. Yeah. And one day? That's why I don't really love weed. He'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. It's delusional. Yeah, we... And one day... That's why I don't really love weed. When I started, it was always college,

and we were always just crushing gravity bongs. You just didn't get high with Joey Diaz. If you got high with Joey Diaz, you would appreciate it. That sounds scary. Oh, my God, it's the best. It's too much. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. But I love...

I like other drugs. Other drugs are great. And then weed just... Well, Stanhope's the same way. A lot of you like long day drinkers. You guys don't like the weed because it makes you think about all the things that are going wrong in your body. Why am I drinking in the first place? Why are you taking shots at me and Stanhope?

Because you're a big target. You both have gross bodies. Isn't that what happens? What? You start thinking. I don't know. Isn't that what happens? What? You start thinking. I do. No, I'm not like getting high like, oh, man, I've been drinking. Well, now I would because I have been drinking.

Now I have been drinking too much. Let's find out. But I didn't like weed before. No, no, no. I'm saying to him. I smoked in like fifth or sixth grade. He's going to go yak. What?

It brings out the evil in you. It's just like you think about negative. It's all bad. No, I'm not thinking about it. I'm not even getting introspective. I'll just get high and be like, dude, I'm going to have to give my dad's eulogy someday. Yeah, that's introspective. Just always, always.

I blow my weed right at you from now on. I'll take it. Contact high. Get him, Ari. Look at my BLs blocking your fucking negative energy. My BLs. These are my crystals. My BLs. My crystals my crystals. My BL crystals.

Look at my beautiful crystals. Weed looks fun. I see it. I'm like, man, you guys look cool smoking it. You guys wake up and smoke it. If you're tolerant super hard, then it's great. Every time I do it, I regret it right away. And then they criticize guys like me drinking Bud Light.

When I first started taking Ari, they all get high and act superior. When I first started taking Ari, they all get high and act superior. When I first started taking Ari on the road with me, I'd get him ridiculously hot. Too hot. Like, can't handle the show. But that's not fun. That's funny. It was fun for him.

It was great. It was fun for him. It was great. Watch me just stare at a crowd and be like, what are we even doing here? You eventually figured out how to be relaxed and do comedy high. Eventually. But those shows were fun. It just took time. It just took a little time. Yeah. You eventually figured out how to be relaxed and do comedy high. Eventually. But those shows were fun. It just took time.

It just took a little time. Yeah. You just had to work it out. You got to get your tolerance up. Yeah, you need tolerance up. But also, it was like that thing about the shows where it's just experimental. Like, go have fun. You're supposed to have fun.

Be silly. You got great jokes. It was the best where you're like, I'm going to get too high. And you're like, you don't work this club. You'll never work this. This is like a massive club. You wouldn't for't care so go for it well i just wanted you to not be nervous i go you can never get fired that's what i said to you i go you'll never you can never get fired you don't have to worry i go you're gonna we're gonna be working together like

it doesn't matter this is just fun let's have fun have fun. One time I did 46 at the- Denver. How many was it? I was like, oh my God, Red Band showed me. I was like, no, I did like 30. He goes, no, I'll show you on the tape. Wait, you opened? Opened at 46.

He did 46 minutes. He was too high. That's horrible. I just kept going. But he killed. I was apologizing. I was like, I'm really sorry. Joe was like, I don't care.

I really don't care. He was great. That's like fucking Norman at Vulcan, dude. Yeah. 40 again last night. The old Norman 25. I got the light. I got right on.

Over 20. I was there when you got the light. Over 20. You got the light at 10. You were on until at least 18. No. What a fucking lineup. I got the light right out and got out of there.

No, you didn't. I remember the fit. Second light. Second light. Really? I never saw the first light. We're at 17. What should I do?

What? The Asian kid? Yes. How do you not know when you're doubling your time? Well, first of all, we started drinking at noon. That's a good point. Do you set that digital watch? Do you have a stopwatch on that bitch?

I don't know how I did that, and I don't know how to take it off. Time mix. Timex. $10. Oh, get another watch, bitch. You want to get me an Omega? Yeah, will you buy us nice things? I love that Omega. Do you? Best looking watch on the planet. Will you buy us nice things? Sure. Can I have some nice things? Yeah, what do you want? Cool watches. I'll give you a watch.

Better girlfriends. No. I can't buy you people a watch. I'll buy you a cigar necklace. What kind of watches do you like? Bud Light watch. I like They're like Omegas. They're my favorite. Those are my favorite too. Watches for losers. The Moon Man or whatever it is. Yeah, I love that. Speedmaster. That ain't you, dude. Yeah, Speedmaster

is the perfect watch for a first watch. Norman, you can wear the watch. Shane, that's not your thing. It's a great watch. You'll never wear it. That's what I said. That Speedmaster is a watch that they literally wore in the Apollo program. It's a good-looking watch. Outdated. Because it winds.

They exploded. It's a fucking great watch. It's not the Challenger watch. It's basically bulletproof. Now, there's a bunch of Apollo's. Such a good watch. iPhone has never told the time wrong. Apollo Theater.

No, iPhone's better for telling the time if it's on. But if you're a man who wants to wear a bracelet, you need an excuse. You know what I like? A little phone. It's not a man who wears bracelets Ari more of a phone It's an appreciator of engineering. Oh like these like this is a watch is a Seiko This watch is like there's little gears in there that are keeping it running like I'm not winding it. It's just the movement of my arm. It's cool, but he's still wearing a bracelet to show that. No, it's a fucking dive watch, bitch. I can find out what time it is if I'm underwater. You're a big scuba dude. That's what everyone says about you. If I'm scuba-ing.

Joe left the right and the left. He's into scuba now. Hey, bro. I left the right and the left. I was never on the right. I would love to see you get algorithms towards scuba. You're fucking leaning into the narrative. I was never on the right, Ari.

You're a right wing guy. Ari's a piece of shit. This is the watch that Captain Willard wore in Apocalypse Now. They wore that when they invaded Iraq. That's what it is. That's the one that Martin Sheen wore in that movie. All right, that's neat. Bro, what the fuck are you talking about?

It's dope as fuck. All right. I checked the time. I said it was neat. I tie my sauna sessions with it. See, I take this and I rotate it and I make it to 20 minutes. You can't use a phone in a sauna. Are you nuts?

It'll die. No, no, no. I'm talking about regular life. It's better. You can leave it in your pocket. You look at it less. Really? Do you actually look?

Yeah, I look at my watch. I love the watch. Well, I'm asking genuinely. I should use it on stage, apparently. I like watches because I like engineering. I'm into things that people build because I think about how they built it. If I look at an automatic watch, I think, how many fucking people were involved in this, figuring out how to make all these gears work so perfectly that each movement is one second exactly.

And if they're off three seconds a month, it's a lot. It's huge. It's over. These are crazy precise, and they're these weird machines that operate on the movement of your body. I'm fascinated by them. You can also find them in every classroom in America. Yeah, you can, but you can't find this kind. This exact.

No, no, no. You can find the kind you can find are the ones that have batteries, which is actually better. Why are you criticizing watches? You were too. We were on the same side on this. No, no,. Why are you criticizing watches? You were too. We were on the same side on this. No, no, no. We were on the same side on this. Batteries are fucking...

Batteries are better. Batteries are more accurate. Because he's killing it right now with this watch speech. I mean, he makes a good argument. And your arguments stink. You're a fucking kite flyer. You go where the winds go. You're a kite flyer.

Whoa. You're a kite flyer. I've never heard that. You think that's funny, dude? It's a great statement. Is that a Jewish letter? I You're a kite flyer. I've never heard that. It's a great statement. Is that a Jewish letter? I'm not saying it's true. I don't think it's true.

I don't agree with him. But that's a great fucking pejorative awesomeness. He goes where the winds go. He fucking changes his opinion. Whatever the fucking winds blow. How good is that? That's good. That's good.

I've never heard that. Where have you heard that? I made it up right now. Really? Because this kite flyer was so obvious. Did you make it up? He's partially responsible for fucking shifting in a moment's notice. Ari, you've peaked.

Wait, hold on, Shane. You've peaked as a person. That's the best thing you've ever said in your life. Yeah, that was bad. If you really just invented that right now, kite flyer, that's amazing. That's good. He's going to lie and say he invented it. He is a liar.

Zero chance you invented that. Test me. I don't know. I know how embarrassing it will be if I'm wrong. You are it. He is a liar. There's zero chance you invented that. Test me. I don't know. I know how embarrassing it'll be if I'm wrong. You are wrong. You are wrong. You're a kite flyer. You're a kite flyer.

Goes with the wind. Jamie, look up kite flyer. You would know. Rule it out. I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm trying to. Look it up.

Oh, on your knees is how you should apologize to me. What are you talking about? Whoa. You're wrong. Whoa. I knew this was going to happen, dude. I knew you could shock on one beer and fall apart. Oh, yeah.

Like a coward. Well, he's old. Third hamburgers are on you tonight. What does that mean? What does that mean? Is that another bad thing? Third hamburgers are on you tonight? Third hamburgers are on you?

What does that mean? It means he eats three hamburgers. Who eats three hamburgers? It was a poor attempt at a joke about my physique. Farrah, how many meals did you eat on the flight? Oh. I had one meal on the flight. I had two.

And then I went to the show. Oh, you had two. Yeah, yeah. I take it back. I was wrong on that one. You are making fun of his gluttony for eating three delicious hamburgers? Are you talking about Golden Tiger Burgers? It's cold.

What are you talking about? I ate three and a chicken sandwich. You're obese. I am obese technically. I know that being somewhat skinny is one of the only good features you have in your entire life. Look up kite flyer. Listen, man. He's tall.

When Ari got into that Sober October thing. Have you seen him lately? I've got a lot of my back hair. Kite flying. Hold on. Meaning of kite flying. Yeah, we know that part. The act of trying to find out what people's opinions about something new will be by informally

spreading news of it. Google's already all over this. No, that ain't exactly at all what I said. You just didn't understand the new people. That's not at all what I'm writing about. You just didn't understand the saying. What? It says kite flying.

Yeah, that ain't anything what you were doing. Of course, Joe. This is different. You knew about that, dude. Just stay on my side. I'm going to watch this stuff, you fucking kite flyer. This is definitely different because Ari's kite flyer is way better than the Wikipedia kite flyer. The Oxford Dictionary kite flyer sucks.

Because, hold on. It says the act of kite flying is the act of trying to find out what people's opinions about something new will be by informally spreading news of it. So he didn't know the saying he tried to use. He made his own saying. You're wrong. You're dumb. You're dumb. No, no, no. You can't say Ari's dumb. No, Jew school is very good. That's crazy.

You can say you don't like his nose. How was Jew school? You can say you wish you didn't dye his hair blonde. Do they hate you? Dyeing his hair? Do the Jews get mad at you? Sometimes. Later. Yeah. I got called a piece of shit.

By who? What? By the rabbi? Some lady from an audience. She waited outside and I passed by. Ian Finance told me she was mad. I was like,

and then I passed by. I didn't know who it was and I passed by outside and she goes, you're a piece of shit. For what? A Holocaust joke. But you were in it.

Yeah. What's funny about the holocaust, dude? Tell me. Enlighten me. What? What's funny about that type of thing? They all wear the same outfits?

A lot of, yeah. Got a lot of shoes out of it. It's like, oh man, you're wearing that today too? You're wearing burlap again today?

Is that the joke? Did you guys ever see that? You know it's funny. And it's very funny. Shut up. I was trying to pretend that wasn't funny and be like, oh, same outfit? That's funny. It's a good joke.

Just every day coming out and be like, ah, we're wearing the same thing again. I was going to wear gray. No, you're blue today. Did you guys ever see that documentary called Dr. Death? No. Wait a minute. It's a documentary about the guy. Kevorkian?

No, no a minute. It's a documentary about the guy. Kevorkian? No, no, no. He was a guy who made devices for death sentences. And so these execution devices this guy made, he got hired by these people. I think they were these

Holocaust deniers. And I think they hired him to go examine some of the gas chambers where they had killed the Jews. I'm hard. He gave an opinion that ultimately turned out to be very incorrect. He gave an opinion that was either misinformed or something, but then he was ostracized. Because he denied? He essentially, it's not, I don't think he ever made a statement saying the Holocaust didn't happen.

But what he did do is say that this one particular area where they were showing him was not as they described it, like a place where they executed people. And he was wrong. So Schroeder wasn't an expert? I Shady wasn't an expert I don't know if you I don't know I don't know but I remember it's a crazy thing because like that's one of those things where if you are in if you've you're even examining like the the Holocaust like you're you're already in like this like shaky like six million people killed It's a it's it's so radioactive. Yeah, like you've get anywhere close to the Holocaust It's so radioactive that was anything. No, it's the worst time one of the worst times

In the summer in human history, but the point is this like if this guy Had any sense? Yeah, he would never have gone there. He would have been like, what are you asking me to prove? Are you asking me to prove people didn't die? Yeah. They know the people. How many people do you think died? That's what a lot of them say.

That's what I would ask. It was like 200,000. Oh. Or 20,000. I forget what they say. What do the Holocaust deniers say? They say some people died, but it was far exaggerated. Yeah, they don't do that.

What is harder scientifically to be, to ignore? Holocaust denier or flat earther? Holocaust denier. It's easier. Yeah. The Holocaust denier, it's so crazy. No, the flat earther is easier to deal with because it's just something's wrong. Like this is like hitting the wrong. Flat earther because you could be like, I've never seen the earth curve. I don't know. No, no flat earther is easier to deal with because it's just something's wrong. Like this is like hitting

the wrong... Well, flat earther because you could be like, I've never seen the earth curve. I don't know. No, no, no, no, no. We're on the same page. I'm saying flat earther is easier to understand. The Holocaust denier's like, what? Here's the thing. Yeah, you have to ignore a lot of pictures. Do you think no Jews died? I don't think

they think that. Okay. A couple died. Do you think 100? Like, you tell me what you think it is. Yeah. And then I'm like, why are you even thinking about this? There's giant, there's photographs of giant piles. Piles of bodies. Of bodies.

But even if it's what they say, even if they say it was like 20,000, maybe they say 200, but if let's say they said it was 20,000, it's still like, that's like a really bad. You shouldn't round up 20,000 people and kill them. It's still pretty bad. It's not great. The crazy thing is just because of their religion. That's what's even crazier. Well, they're annoying. If they can figure out how to...

If you ever figure out how to other people, you can figure out how to other people of astounding evil things can get done. But that's a lot of work. Putting all those people on trains. That's impressive. Are we denying?

Yeah. I went to the bathroom. Are we starting a little denial? We came back with a good opposite. We're talking about how impressive it is. We talked about how impressive the Holocaust was. We're talking about Dr. Death. Which way does the racist go?

It was impressive or it didn't happen. Which way does a real racist go on the Holocaust? That's a good question. The racist thing or we killed it. Hitler fanboys. Yeah. Or Hitler deniers. You're a Hitler denier.

You're less racist if you're a denier. You're right. Yeah, I agree. Right. Because you're just like, it didn't happen. I don't want to believe that. You think Hitler wasn't that good at killing people. Yeah, he was great.

You can't deny it. But. You can't deny it. But. You can't deny it. Top five. No matter what. No one talks about the blacks, the retards, and the gays. Oh, sorry. A lot of Hitlers were blacks, gays, and retards.

Oh, that they killed. The gays. They got the gays. They killed a lot of. Catholics. Other groups. They were pretty inclusive. No way.

But gay people were the biggest numbers. Gypsies, gay people, Catholics. No way, Catholics. Germans killed the priests? Yeah, bro. Why, why? Because they were Catholics? Catholics are good.

Catholics are good boys. No. And the Nazis were bad guys. They saw us being good, me and my people, and they were like, we can't have you being good like this. I don't think they grounded up the Catholics. What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? History Gillis 101.

They never touched the Catholics. You guys want to talk history? You know what's the creepiest thing about the Nazis? Thousand clergy, bro. What, is that not high enough? Yeah, you got a lot of child rapists off the streets. See, that's a nasty thing for you to say. You're right. I go negative too often.

You're saying a thousand dudes who died in the Holocaust were child rapists? Yes. That number was high. Yeah, probably only 800 of them were like that. How many million people died in the Holocaust? What's the number? Six.

Oh, total people. Seven. Oh, total. Six million Jews. Way more for everybody else. Russians and everybody. Yeah. Russians.

Gypsies. You don't know anything that even happened. Russians died in the war. Russians died in the war. How many Russians died in the war? Didn't they the war. How many Russians died in the war? Didn't they? Yes. For sure.

By like 10 times. How many Russians? So I'm saying, does that make it way higher? 20 to like, if you include civilians, it's outrageous. It's like 30 to 40 million.

Russians? No. That's too high. I bet it's somewhere. I don't know. It's like 20. 20 million? That's just during World War II.

Look it right here. Soviet civilians, around 7 million. Wow. It's like 20. 20 million? That's just during World War II. Look at right here. Soviet civilians, around 7 million. Wow, look at the numbers. But no, it's all the number of deaths. Jews, 6 million. And then Polish. Soviet civilians, 7 million. This is all Soviet Union.

Wow. Soviet prisoners of war, 3 million. So now we're at 10. Jehovah's Witness had 1,900. Getting on the board. Non-Jewish Polish citizens, 1.8 million. Wow. Serbs, 3, 1.8 million. Wow. Serbs, 312.

People with disabilities living in institutions up to 250,000. Homos, 70,000. No, homos are hundreds. 70,000. Repeat criminal offenders and so-called associates. What does that mean? 70,000 people. So they killed 70,000 repeat offenders.

What if you're a Jewish gay? Tough time to be alive. Well, you were going either way. You've gone either way. But you'd have to add, how do you want to go in? What's right on your thing? Dude, that wasn't even 100 years ago. That wasn't even 100 years ago.

People were batshit mad. Yeah. And killing people over religion and killing people in enormous numbers and trying to take over continents and storming into fucking new boundaries and killing people and people are hiding people in their basements.

That shit was 80 years ago. Post-electricity. How wild is that? Shut the fuck up. Well, it's just impressive that Hitler could have that much of an impact. You gotta keep an eye on Stalin, up. Well, it's just impressive that Hitler could have that much of an impact. Yeah. You got to keep an eye on Stalin, dude. Mao, too.

And Mao put up 50. But where else did they go? Mao killed his own. Like, you're talking about you got to cross borders to do it? That's impressive. That's impressive. There's a story. I forget who tells it, who told it that I read or listened to it.

They were talking about when Hitler was going to talk to Mussolini, and Mussolini apparently wanted to get out of the war, and Hitler, he was exhausted from the campaign. So they shot him up with testosterone and cocaine. Hitler? Yeah. Wow. And he went running up to Mussolini and he wouldn't shut the fuck up.

They injected cocaine into him, apparently. is I don't this might not be real Yeah, there's all those rumors about that, but that he talked like fucking ranted at him for five hours then mostly he's like I'm fucking coke Dude, he's just sitting with you like, I'm telling you, these fucking Jews, dude. Yeah. Where's the pussy around here? Do you think that one of the things that was epic about those times, it was not just how insane it was with the World War, with literally the worlds at war, but this is the first time a guy who's as fucking psychotic as Hitler has a microphone. Oh, yeah. Thank God he didn't have a podcast. There was no microphone before then,

so there was no broadcast. So you couldn't do a thing where you would have 50,000 people in a square and you're like, It's a war! Right. And the whole place was like, It's a wild new...

The microphone changed. He would have been on an apple cart In the square Yeah I don't even know a psycho Like fucking The Thomas Jefferson days You know The Lincoln days

True When they would stand out there And talk to people for five hours On a balcony Yeah Right This is like the first Psychotic dictator

That has a microphone It's a good point I mean think about When you were with a heckler You have the mic You have so much advantage They were also Germans were Was up at the half.

What does that mean? They were winning. It's a sports club. You know? And then it turned around. But he had to see a moment where he's like, I got this. This is all going according to plan. Yeah.

Take that, take that. We're good. The Donald's fall followed. He got greedy. Also, micropenis. That plays in. That does play in. I heard he had a huge dick. Really? No. Oh, I was going to say. I've heard micropenis. It plays in. That does play in. I heard he had a huge dick.

Really? No. Oh, I was going to say. I've heard micropenis. It's a weird thing to focus on. Well, it's a motivator. It's like Kevin Hart. If he was 6'2", he wouldn't be this hustly.

Guys with small dicks do work hard. Every day on the bus. They work hard. They got to do it. What is the Russian guy? The Russian guy that fucked everybody. Putin. The giant dick.

You're thinking of... Klitschko. Rasputin. Really? He fucked everybody? He had the huge dog. I wish you hadn't done that, dude. I was going to get it.

Yeah, I had it, Jamie. Son of a bitch. J-Mo. What? He was trying to get Rasputin. Jamie thinks he's better than everybody. But Rasputin had a giant hog and they actually pickled it. What?

So it's in formaldehyde. You can see it? I can see his hog. I think they have nip. That's it right there. Weird shape. By the way, that's his hog limp. Big dick energy.

Imagine how big that hog is. It looks like a thumb, for real. Upside down. Oh, no, it's way bigger than a thumb, bro. That's a whole arm. That is a root. Even the foreskin couldn't keep up. It is a turnip. That does look like a root. I the foreskin couldn't keep up. It was a turnip.

That does look like a root. Yeah, the hair. The village will eat tonight. I think those were non-GMO dicks. Yeah. They were different back then. Pickled 12 inches, it says. 12 inches soft.

12 inches soft. If you have a dick that good, of course you can predict the future. Big dick energy. That guy was fucking everybody, and they had to kill him. Do you think they could have juiced it up before they stuck it in there? He was a giant dick freak. Rasputin was Pete Davidson, and everyone was like, why is this guy fucking everybody? Exactly.

Somebody was like, I'm the czar, dude. Pete Davidson with his John Holmes dick. Who's Rasputin? That's a good question. He's a Russian guy who seduced the wives of these guys. Russia's greatest love machine. Wow. According to a 1978 song by Euro disco group Bonnie M.

Bonnie M. That one woman claimed to have such an intense orgasm that she fainted. He's a giant hog. This is the number one dance hit of all time, what they're talking about right now. The question is, does the mystical genitalia of the scandalous holy man simply exist in legend, or is it really still hanging around? We got the proof. We got the proof.

It's a bad- It's a priest. Czar Nicholas brought him in. There's the hog. He ended up- It's swollen with water because it's been sitting in there for a while. Well, 12 inches swollen. It's like a dog at the East River. Stop complimenting yourself with water because it's been sitting in there for a long time. Well, 12 inches swollen. It's like a dog at the East River.

Stop complimenting yourself. Your dick- You could leave your dick in a jar for a million years. It's never going to be 12 inches, bro. It's soft, but it's engorged with water. His dick has a knuckle. They did some work to it. Even the foreskin has given up.

Yeah. It's like, I can't make it to the end. It pulled back on its own. Hold on. It's got some- It's got some shit going on there. Jamie might be right. What?

Yeah, it's engorged. No, no, no. I think there's a stick in there. That's a wart. It kind of cut a wart out.. Jamie might be right. What? Yeah, it's a gorge. No, no, no. I think there's a stick in there. That's a wart. They kind of cut a wart out. Oh, you're right. I think there might be a stick in there that's keeping it stretched out. See, if you look at the tip of it, it looks like it's filled with something.

Like they stuck like a fucking Sharpie in there or something. I think on his deathbed he's like, put a stick in my dick, will you? That's what it looks like. That's why the head looks so... How do you get people to go to that museum? Fluff me up before I die. Well, you shouldn't go to that museum now unless you're in the neighborhood. Shotgun.

Yeah, yeah. Hold on, I got a good one. Shane's got one. They're going to preserve mine in a shot glass. Yeah. You guys kept yapping. I'm out here with gold. There we go. gonna preserve mine in a shot glass yeah that's what every man's afraid of like a hypnotic mysticism tricking all your giant lives yeah giant hog cuz deep down we all know our women are dumb as hell

and just any old fucking moron off the street can trick them. Especially with a huge dog. Especially if he's got beads in his beard. A robe with stars on it. He's got some Lou Albano shit type going on. I hate a guy with beads. Beads in your beard. It's like you pretend to know a lot about astrology.

You've got beads in your beard. I can't talk to you. I'm with the guys who killed Rasputin. This gets weird. Hell yeah. This gets very weird right here. We gotta fucking shoot this dude. What's weird?

Read it. Legend says the 1920s Rasputin's daughter Maria, then a circus performer who later tamed lions with the Hagenbeck-Wallace Circus, discovered a group of women in Paris that had been venerating her father's penis. What does that mean? Hold on. We gotta look at that word. What is venerating? Nobody knows what that word is venerating her father's penis. What does that mean? Hold on. What is venerating? No one knows what that word is.

Bragging about, talking about. You don't know what venerating means? Stop. Say it before looking. What is it? What does venerating mean? It means like praising. What are you, a fool?

Did they teach you nothing at Jew high school? It's to regard with reverential respect or admiring deference. He was right. He's right. I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong. An icon or a relic. I do that.

Okay. Venerating her father's penis, they believed it could bestow fertility and they even handed out small pieces of it to those in need. Like a relic. Women who needed fertility

would get a small piece of her dad's hog. This is all crap. I heard you can get a piece of his dick now for $99 million. It's all not true. It's like Bitcoin. That's what Bitcoin is. I heard you get a free

cup of rhino horn tea. You know, they have those... The Asians. But there's like, a lot of people have that thing with rhino horns because... Grinds it up? It's not even good, but the idea is that rhinos are so close to being extinct that if you're one of those motherfuckers drinking rhino tea,

you're living on top of the world. I don't like that. It's prestigious. Are you hanging out with those people? It's an Asia thing. I told you. Actually, now I like it. Some parts of Asia, it's only the creepiest of the creepy people.

It's not a normal thing. You don't see black guys doing that stuff. There was a place somewhere, I think it was in China, where this guy wrote this story about going to this place, and it's like an exotic thing that only happens once a year. Sounds like China. But they serve them endangered species. Oh. Whoa.

So they sit down, and protected species, as you say. So they sit down, you can eat lion, you can eat a gorilla. Dodo burger. Yeah, wild shit. I forget where I read it. And so it's like the people, it's the Squid Game's people. The problem is you read something like that, it might just be some asshole journalist who thinks he's cute who's going to make up some story about how much documentation do you

have to have about an anonymous place in China where they're serving gorilla. You can't trust anything you read. No. It's hard. Right now. It's hard. That's disinformation. You hear that, Gupta?

It's hard. You're not allowed to claim disinformation. It's hard to know. Oh. You can only be accused of disinformation. I thought it was misinformation. Well, we're finding out now that all that shit that people got kicked off of YouTube for, the fucking CDC says no.

Isn't that weird? It keeps flipping. Well, it's going to keep flipping until the truth comes out. There's a lot of what people already knew, like people that are experts in certain aspects, like that it's not dangerous for kids, or that a lot of people that are getting it really badly are obese. Everybody knew this.

But if you said it for a while, it was a real fucking problem. You'd get eliminated and removed from platforms now all of a sudden jake tabber can say it they can say you know how many people were hospitalized with covid or because of covid like if you went into the fucking hospital and you had a broken leg what are they saying are you saying you're in the hospital right where are these stats going yeah or did you break your leg? Can I just ask to make sure I know the right numbers? Well, it's like they're starting to come clean on that now. But they never seem to go, hey, we were wrong about that.

Sorry, buddy. Yeah, they just move past it. Yeah, just keep going. Well, that's what I do. In their defense, the science- What are you talking about? In their defense, the science changes. The science changes, but just say the science changes.

Yeah, but just go, okay, hey, turns out we were wrong, everybody. I said that earlier. But here's the other thing. Take your tweet down, at least. They're, but just say the science changes. Yeah, but just go, okay, hey, turns out we were wrong, everybody. I said that earlier. But here's the other thing. Take your tweet down, at least. They're not allowed to question the science, and that's where things become a problem. That's weird. Like, the science changes, but sometimes some scientists have already anticipated that it's going to change, and they're like, this is new stuff.

But if you say it too soon, people get mad at you instead of just examining it. Joe, can I stop you there? I trust the science, dude. Me too. Shut up. I do. You're piss I trust the science, dude. Me too. Shut up. I do. You're pissing me off with this stuff. I do.

You're fucking pissing me off. Uh-oh. Are you serious? Are you doing this? I'm getting nicotine. What is that, patches? I'm addicted. I trust the science, too.

I'm getting fucking nicotine. Joe, do you want a cigar? No. No? You don't like cigars? You want one? Ari wants one. Yeah, if you guys do them.

Stop pretending you like cigars. Come on, I love cigars. Oh, yeah, he't like cigars? You want one? Ari wants one. Yeah, if you guys do them. Stop pretending you like cigars. I love cigars. Oh, yeah, he does like cigars. I love them. He loves them. Yeah, sorry I accused you of faking. Ari and I have been smoking cigars for decades, son. Anybody want one?

All right, you talked me into it. What are we getting? These JRE cigars. But, Joe, I am serious. Stop goofing off and joking about this type of COVID stuff. Can you snip that? It pisses me off. There's a...

Dr. Fauci. Want me to do it for you? If you're listening. Yeah, I'm on Team Shane. Dr. Fauci. Dr. Fauci. Hit me, baby. I'm fucking trying to hang out, dude.

There you go. This is the best one. It puts like a slice in it. Oh, I like those. That's my favorite. I like those. Labia. I don't want a cigar yet.

I had so many fucking good cigars. So we got a show tonight, huh? Yes. That's my favorite. I like those. Labia. I don't want a cigar yet. I had so many fucking good cigars. So we got a show tonight, huh? Yes. Who's your guys' favorite? How about last night? That was great. Hans Kim. What a lineup, dude.

Tom Segura. Ari Shafir. Mark Norman. Shane Gillis. Tony Henscliffe. Talking about today. Best lineup in the world that day. 100%.

100%. Tom Segura. It's an awesome show. Could use some diversity. We got a... Hans. I'm technically a Jew. Tom's a fucking Mexican. I'm technically a Jew. Good point.

Not according to them. They don't claim you. They don't like you after you abandon them. I do not talk much to my old friends. Let's put a strain on our relationships. What are they doing? Is it an issue? Eating at one of very few places to eat.

That white one is a lighter, too. What are they up to? Scheming. Plotting. Scheming. Plotting. Plotting the next big win. Don't be hating that they're making that money. This is what no one can say about Jews. Here's a big thing about Jews.

How many fucking people that are Jewish have won the Nobel Prize? I mean, it's astonishing. A massive amount. If you're looking at a characteristic. Who's giving out the prize, dude? Who's voting for the new Nobel? That's what you never forget.

It's a good point. There's no Jews left in Norway. It's just Jews voting. They're like, you know who's the best? Us again. Wow. That's the best Jewish vote ever. Oh my God, it's us again. Wow. Especially Christopher Walken. Is that a slur?

You've like combined Woody Allen with like some sitcom star. I'm trying to figure out who it is. You couldn, like, combined Woody Allen with, like, some sitcom star. I'm trying to figure out who it is. You couldn't help but make it, like, a little more redneck. And the Nobel Prize. The Nobel Prize for best guy goes to us again. We have one of those massive amounts. That's fucking dead on, though.

It's going to be an issue. There we go. Thank you. You're go. Thank you. You're welcome. All right. Well, I feel left out, dude. You guys waited until I packed one of these fucking tight ass sins. No, that's good.

No, no. I'm going to have to do both at once. I'm not going to let you. Now, it's too much nicotine. My heart is close to exploding. My heart is on the brink. Nicotine, I don't believe, is bad for you. It's bad for your heart, certainly.

Nicotine is? Yeah. You know, we started Googling this once and we stopped. It's like that nicotine is a supplement. I thought it was like a medication for your heart. No?

No, it's definitely bad. If you're a big fat guy, you shouldn't be crushing. Yeah, it dilates blood vessels or something like that. I'm trying to tell you, it's definitely bad. If you're a big fat guy, you shouldn't be crushing. Yeah, it like dilates blood vessels or something like that. You're a big guy. I'm trying to tell you it's a supplement, bro. You're doing great.

Thank you, dude. Here it says, nicotine's a dangerous and highly addictive chemical. Dangerous. It can cause an increase in blood pressure, heart rate,

flow of blood to the heart, and narrowing of the arteries, vessels that carry blood. Aye, aye, aye. Nicotine may also contribute to the hardening of arterial walls, which in turn may lead

to a fucking heart attack. What happens? What do chicken wings do? What do chicken wings do? They give you a heart attack. They also do heart attacks? Okay. Will you just look up, it's nicotine.

I know, I know, I know. Oh. Will you look up, not nootropic, just look up medicinal benefits of nicotine, please. How about this? Nicotine. Nicotine. All right, all right. nicotine, please. How about this? Nicotine. Nicotine. All right. So here we go.

Let me switch some letters in there. Okay, here we go. When chronically taken, nicotine may result in positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, reduction of body weight, enhancement of performance. Body weight. Enhancement of performance. And protection against Parkinson's disease, Tourette's disease, Alzheimer's disease, ulcerative colitis, and sleep apnea. Those are not benefits.

Are you guys talking about... Those are not benefits. Are you talking about smoking? What are those? I don't know, but it says benefits, but they're not. We're reading Bob's head. No, no, no. Jamie, what do you mean?

Enhancement of performance and protection against Parkinson's, Tourette's, Alzheimer's. Yeah. Protection against. I got it, I got it. See, I just want positive reinforcement. I know, he's just saying it gives you Parkinson's. Or negative reinforcement. Jamie's like, it gives you Parkinson's. Protection against. I just want positive reinforcement. I know, he's just saying it gives you Parkinson's. Jamie's like, it gives you Parkinson's. No, that's not what it does.

What's negative reinforcement? Jamie, you must feel like a fucking idiot. You're not going to be on the show anymore. No, Jamie, you are right. What does that mean? Did I just get fired by Shane? Weird. Jamie. What does that mean? Did I just get fired by Shane? Weird. Jamie, what does that mean?

Like positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement? What the fuck does that mean? Reduction of body weight isn't good if you're skinny. But both those things together, like look at that. It may result in positive or negative. This is crazy. Why are you attributing it to the negative team? If it could do either or.

It would be horrible or amazing. That's like weed. Weed gives some of you guys positive. Oh, okay. It's up and down. That's a very negative reading. That's a good point. Same.

Are we talking about nicotine now? Yeah. Can I just say that you owe me an apology for the years that you screamed at me for smoking cigarettes, and I see you smoking a fucking cigarette? I smoke a cigarette before a show all the time. That was a couple though. You had a couple. You gotta add that to like, hey, sorry about those years where I fucking.

Get them already. It's time for you to bulldog. The problem is. Get in there, two-faced. The problem is as I smoke this cigar filled with nicotine, I'm not addicted like you. Oh, come on. Oh, shit. You're too smart for this.

You're too smart. Why are you smoking? And you're a smart for this. You're too smart. Why are you smoking? And you're a fucking smoker. Only from four shows. How many times do you do shows? Every day? No, not every day. He does 20 shows a day now.

I do. I like to smoke like one pack of shows. I like to smoke two cigarettes before a show. It's nice. It gives you a wild head rush. You know what cigarettes have? You would like these. Like as a strategy.

You would like those. Cigarettes have a lot of fuck it energy to them. There's something about the, and I don't think you should smoke cigarettes, kids. There's something about the act of cigarettes that to me is like. Pregnant women, smoke away. It's similar to the act of drinking a shot of whiskey. It's like, geez, starting a forest fire? What the fuck are you doing over there?

What are you doing Ari Ari's pretending He's good at cigars And it bothers me I know how to smoke Well he hangs out With Bobby Kelly The thing is

It's like There's like Shots of whiskey Shots of tequila Those types of things Even a cigarette They have a lot of Fuck it energy

It's like let let's go. Yeah, dude. Cigarettes are awesome. That's what I was trying to tell you all along. You were doing them all day, every day. They're Oscom. Oscom. Oscom.

Oscom. Good name for the group. Oscom. Oswitz. We can't name the group, dude. We're going to get it. We're going to get it. Naming the group is gay.

Shane's against nickname. Shane. How about we call the group is gay. Shane's against Nickname. How about we call ourselves Amazon Prime? Amazon Prime's a great nickname. Good name for a transformer. Amazon Prime is good. How about Bezos' new look? He looks hot. He's hot. People are mad that Bezos is out having fun. He's having fun. Isn't that funny? What are you supposed to do when you have

$183 billion? Well, he He's having fun. Isn't that funny? What are you supposed to do when you have $183 billion? Well, he dresses like Pitbull. I like that. That was a party. He was at a disco party. Oh, it was? Yeah, it was a costume party. It was funny.

Somebody, I think, tweeted. It was like, here's the two richest guys on earth. And it was just Elon Musk tweeting memes that are fucking stupid. And then Bezos hammered. You're expected to be a world leader. Good for them. They're just fucking 38-year-olds with cash. Live it up. You got the money.

Yeah, I have like 40 bucks and I'm getting fucked up. Hell yeah. Wouldn't you be disappointed if he didn't live that way? Yeah. If he didn't have this lady friend that's as hot as the sun? You want him to go to church? Actually, she was fair to Midland, I'll be honest. He's got $3 million cars.

I was doing better than Bezos when it came to snitch. I think it was worth the half a billion dollars to get rid of her. This is what he wants. He wants a super hot lady that's his age. Oh, my God. See, when you're as old as he is, this is as old as I am. I'll never be as old as him. You're going to die before that time.

Who is Lauren Sanchez? That's his wife. Or his new girlfriend or whatever. Damn, Bezos is yoked. He looks great. He looks like Joe Rogan. He does. He's got that one vein that goes all the way down like the fucking Andes.

Yeah, he's jacked. He kind of looks like the guy from, is it Robert Blake? Jeff Bezos, listen to me. You got to learn jujitsu. The jinx. That's your next thing. I know you don't have a job anymore. You quit.

You quit Amazon. Yeah, he's quit. He's fucking hanging out and balling. He's like, I'm just enjoying this now. He's out with $183 billion. Wait, wait, wait. He's fucking hanging out and balling. He's like, I'm just enjoying this now. He's on the yacht with $183 billion. He sold? Wait, wait, wait. He just like, you want it from me?

He got out. He stopped being the CEO. Oh, well then let him do whatever the fuck he wants. I'm living life. Exactly. Haters. He probably still has like a lot of stuff that he does. I thought he was controlling the global slave factory.

No, see, it's a disco party. Look, everybody's dressed in silver. That's Apple. They're all silly. Oh my God. Is that $10? He's balling out of control. That was a fun party I heard.

Free suicide? A lot of people at that party. He's balling out of control. Good for him. Yeah, good for him. Why can't you say good for him? What's he supposed to be doing? Why does everybody got to be a hater?

Yeah, what else is he going to do? That shirt is awesome. That jacket's awesome. Amazing. People want you when you're that far ahead of the game. Like the game of how rich can you get? Most people are fucking barely paying their bills.

What's that? How old do you think you're going to be when your body stops working? What the fuck, dude? I think 55 in those last five years. I don't think the body's going to give it. He'll get in a drunk driving. I don't drink and drive. going to give it. He'll get in a drunk driving. You think I'm a drunk? I don't drink and drive.

Come on. You drove me here. Guys, I can turn this ship around whenever I want. Oh, that's what drunks always do. My dad said that before he hit my mom. It was funny. Jesus Christ. I know.

Did he? Yeah. Whoa. No. That should be the JRA clip this week. Yeah, pull the picture of my mom up with the black eye. Oh. No. That should be the JRA clip this week. Yeah, pull the picture of my mama with the black eye. Oh, boy. Just find a regular picture of your mom and edit in a black eye.

There you go. Find a good one. Flattering pose. Pull up Rihanna. The question was, when do you think my body's going to shut down? Yes. It's coming. It's shortly.

No. No, it's happening now. I can feel it when I wake up. Oh, that's not good. I thought we were joking around here. Well, no, it's not a funny joke, dude. I didn't know you were hurting. Yeah, dude.

You wake up, you're like, where the fuck am I? Well, maybe cooled on the crystals. No, I like these. Oh, the one thing I like? You like comedy. Yes, I'm young. You like your lady? I like comedy.

Come on, buddy. No, I'm joshing around, dude. I can turn this around whenever I feel like it. I don't know. You think I'm going? I'm worried about it. I don't think you can turn it around. You're worried about it? No, you're not turning it around. You're staying that way forever.'t know. You think I'm going? I'm worried about it. I don't think you can turn it around. You're worried about it?

No, you're not turning it around. You're staying that way forever. Why are you guys worried about it? I'm not worried about it. I'm seeing you shirtless. I worry about people. I saw you guys shirtless, dude. I wasn't saying anything.

It wasn't great. I'm 20 pounds overweight right now. It's bad. You're not 20 pounds. I'll be down to that in one month. I'll be back to normal. You look like a hairless cat. That's the face.

You ever see one of those cats? That's exactly what Ari looks like. And you were wearing underwear? You were wearing skivvies only? Pull up the picture of the cat, the hairless cat. The face looks just like Ari. It's insane. The cat looks just like that. That is Ari. That's insane.

That looks like Ari after a shower. Look at the face. That is an anti-Semitic cat. Look at that. It's completely Semitic. Oh, you're right. That cat. I was an anti-Semitic.

Those cats are like, my food's too dry. Right, right. This soup is lukewarm. What do you think it's about? I've been eating 70% of it, I realize. Is this whole milk? Why was Egypt so into cats? Oh, they worship them.

Why cats? They were really into cats. Weird one to be into. Yeah. I prefer cow over cat. The Indians. Right. Cow made sense.

Big fucking sturdy instrument. Yeah. Well, not only that, the Indian origins of it they think has to do with psychedelic mushrooms. Because they looked at a cat, they stared right at their pet, and they're like, what the fuck? Oh, that's Indian. Cows. Indian cows. What are they like, fat chicks? The speculation was that the idea

was that at one point in time, they realized that these mushrooms are coming from cow shit, and so those cows, they thought of as sacred. And so you don't eat them. Because they brought the thunder. Exactly. This is all speculative because no one knows exactly what the origin, like when they decided not to

eat cows. But it totally makes sense if you have a religion that has something, there's parts of like the Hindu scriptures where you go back and they're trying to figure out what they were talking about, what they were taking. what drugs they were taking.

They don't know what they were taking. They were taking something. They named them. I forget what they named them. When I was in college, I worshipped hogs. A lot of drinking. You don't like hogs anymore? I try to grow out of it, you know, have a little self-esteem.

Man, how nice was a good hog? Bring home a nice hog wheeler. A nice, like, good old... We're doing this. Yeah. Tough to catch when they... They love to slop. Bringing home the bacon.

After a bar. Good times. Oh, man. How bad was that, though? When the lights turn on and you're just like, oh, there she is. There's my queen.

You roll over, you're still on her. Ugh. Yeah, that morning was rough. That morning is like, wow, I wouldn't do that. It was a wake-up call. Good times.

The smell was different. Yes. A little stickier. Yeah, a little stickier. You're talking about fat ladies' vaginas smell different? Just hogs. Just something beneath your level. More little stickier. Yeah, a little stickier. You're talking about fat ladies' vaginas smell different? Just hogs. Just beneath your level.

More of the folds. You wake up smelling a steak. You wake up and you say, I'm above this. Yeah. You've made an error. No, I like those girls. I do, too. They're nice.

They're generous. You ever have someone show up, like, meet, and then when you meet, you're like, damn it. This is not nearly what I was expecting. Oh, that's all online dating. There's no way to get out of it, though. You have to go through with it. But I'm that guy.

I'm the guy who does it. You have to go through with it. I find the pictures where I look good, and then I show up. Yeah, you're the fat chick. It's me. Find the pictures you look good. The angles. Wearing a suit and tie at your brother's wedding.

Nope. I'm fat in a sweatsuit. You got to do that with your short guy. If you're under six foot, I feel like you got to get on a box. All your celebrities are like, here's me with Tom Cruise. Right, right. I went with me when I was on the dating apps. It was me and Conan.

I looked like Brad Williams. Yeah. Brutal. In your dating app picture, you're like, Conan is six foot seven. Yes. Have you ever seen that picture of the rocks standing next to these basketball players? Yeah. He goes, now I know what it looks like to be Kevin Hart.

It feels like to be Kevin Hart. Yeah. There's some giant humans out there. Every time I've stood next to Shaq, I'm like, what? Yeah. Shaq is a weird one. Yao Ming. They got the two dollars for Chinese people to fuck.

Look at that picture. Look at that picture. It is Shaq. So Shaq is one of the guys. There's Yao. So it's Shaq and who's the... Is it Charles Barkley? There's four that look like an evolution picture.

I'm telling you, dude, I've been around the Rockies enormous. Look at that. That's an evolution picture. Whoa. And Yao Ming is giant. Look at the size of Yao Ming. They got the two tallest people in China to fuck. Is that what they did on purpose?

True story. And did what they did on purpose? True story. And did they feed them anything special? They feed them, like, you know, goose liver. Goose liver? Goose liver's probably really good for you. Pate. Yeah. No, liver's, like, one of the best things you can eat.

That's true. Full of protein and vitamin A. There's a lot of stuff in there. I think there's creatine in there, too. Damn. I might just bulk. I think there's creatine in there, too. Damn. I might just bulk. I might start crushing creatine. That's smart.

But you won't be funny if you're buff. No, he'll be great. He'll be funny. He'll be better. He'll be like a football player and funny. You don't see a lot of that. Nope. No, that's why it'd be pretty good.

Gronk's not funny. In fact, they keep trotting him out in every commercial. I know. And every commercial, he's like, hey, I'm retarded. Right. He's just a frat dude. This is kind of sad. Well I'm retarded. Right. He's just a frat dude. This is kind of sad. Well, dude, when I first when I saw Nick DiPaolo in the 80s.

Nick DiPaolo in the 80s, 88, 89. Nick DiPaolo was a fucking hunk and he was built like a football player and he was hilarious. He played college ball. He was a hot man. He was a big fucker. He played Maine. He was a sexy guinea. Yeah, when I first met him, he was a big fucker, and he was really funny. And I remember thinking, like, oh, you could be funny and still be jacked.

Oh, yeah. I think if you're stylish, it's lame. He was pretty stylish. Was he? Stylish is lame. Italians can get away with it, because it borders gay. It's WAPS. I think black guys can be stylish.

It borders gay. Black guys can be stylish. WAPS can be stylish. Wait a minute. What's the overlap with Italians and gay? I don't know, but this thing where it's like you can be super. A tacky board is gay? Black guys can be stylish. Black guys can be stylish. Wait a minute, what's the overlap with Italians and gay? I don't know, but this thing

where it's like you can be super into your looks as an Italian. Sebastian could go either way. Good point, good point. He's clearly heterosexual, but he's also

color coordinated. Yeah. So Italian that he's like, oh, this could be gay. Right. Groomed, not a hair out of place. He's kind of a metro. He's got a good show, a cooking show. It's funny. Oh, really? Yeah, he's like, oh, this could be gay. Right. Groomed. Not a hair out of place. He's kind of a metro.

He's got a good show, a cooking show. It's funny. Oh, really? Yeah, he's got a funny show. I forget what it's called. What's Sebastian's cooking show? Plug. Shane and I were talking about this today, that Sebastian, back in the days before he

was famous, if you get high and sit in the back of the OR and no one's around, so you're just like, no conversation. It's like he was one of the best high watches. Really? Yeah. Oh, there he is. Look at that gig head. Sebastian brings his signature comedy to the kitchen.

What is this on? Well Done. It's called Well Done. Is it on the Food Network? Oh, good title. It says Discovery Plus. Discovery Plus. Wow, there's so many channels now.

Not doing great. He really loves cooking, so it's, like, something fun for him. There you go. It's not work. No, but he knows what he's doing. They love cooking loves cooking. So it's like something fun for him. There you go. It's not work. No, but he knows what he's doing. Waps love cooking, dude. They do. They love cooking.

That's another thing. Gays and waps. Both love it. Bro, I'm right here. Doing lady work. I'm right here, Ari. Cooking is lady work. I always forget.

Fuck. You're a wap, Joe. Mostly wap. What's the other part? Irish? Irish. Yeah. That's very funny.

That's very American. Neither one of other part? Irish? Irish. Yeah. That's very funny. That's very American. Neither one of those are privileged white. Nope. Irish are the N-words of Europe. Yeah. Well, my grandparents, when they came over here, it was funny. At one point in time, the way some people look at Mexican people, that's the way people looked at Italian people. The people that were just coming in here.

And those are the ones throughout history. Whether it was the Jews at one point in time. And those are the ones, like, throughout history, like, whether it was the Jews at one point in time, they're usually, like, the fighters, like, boxers. Like, Slapsy Maxie Rosenblum. There was, like, a bunch of, like, famous Jewish... That's a guy. There was a real guy. What's his name?

Slapsy Maxie. He was, like, a real legit boxer. There was quite a few Jewish boxers back in the day. Very good boxers. And were street. And then Italians. And then there was a lot of Puerto Ricans. And then, well, it was always African Americans from, especially from the Jack Johnson

days. If you ever watch the Jack Johnson days, those are wild fights. Because all the white people want him to lose and he's better than all the white people. He's knocking them out. And he was fucking white chicks white chicks white chicks and they would have race wars over the german could not possibly lose to the black right like that level he everybody up jack johnson and they think that even when he lost when he eventually lost the title he

might have taken a dive because if you you see when he goes down he kind of like holding his head up it looks like he's kind of relaxing yeah He's like, I'm done with this. Who was the guy who Cinderella man? Max Schmelling? No, that was the other guy. Max Schmelling was the guy that Joe Lewis fought. He was German. He knocked out Joe Lewis

in the first fight, and then Joe Lewis annihilated him in the second fight. It was one of those things where it was like United States. World War II. It was our patriotism on the line, ande lewis was the best of the best of america and he fucked max smelling up and it was a big moral victory for us and black people also black versus german yeah joe lewis was so crisp but you know back then like a heavyweight champion was only like 190 pounds right rocky marciano rocky Marciano I think was 185 pounds.

Wow. That's why Tyson Fury might be the best ever. He might be. If you matched him up, if we had a time capsule type thing. Dude, he's 6'9". He's gigantic. The big white guy? Yes. He's 6'9". He might be the greatest ever. The guy who licked the guy?

He licked the guy, right? Yes. Yeah, that guy. He's fun. When did he lick him? The way he put, when he was beating up Deontay Wilder in the rematch. He licked his blood. So they had one fight. The fight went to a 12-round draw. BJ Penn licked blood? Yeah, but this is the middle of the fight.

The fight was still going on. He licked him. He was fucking him up. This fight was the second fight. So the first fight, it was a draw. And Tyson Fury knocked him out in, look at this. There it is. The second fight. so the first fight, it was a draw. And Tyson Fury knocked him out in, look at this. There it is. The second fight.

Oh, gross. He's more having fun, I think, than everything. That guy eats out a girl on a period. I don't think he actually licked him. For sure he does. But I don't think he actually licked him. He just did a little tongue wiggle. Did it touch?

No, that's a touch. That's a touch. No, it's a touch. Some distance. That's a touch. It's hard to say. Hard to say. We got to ask hard to say. Hard to say. We got to ask Deontay.

Hard to say. You might get in trouble for that. It might be like sexual assault. Probably, but he won't. If a guy does that in a fight, if a guy kisses a guy in a fight, is that legal? Yeah, you can't. If you lose a fight, you can't be like, I was also sexually assaulted. Right.

That's an even bigger loss. That's a physical assault I signed up for. But if a guy, I want to know this for true because I don't know if it's true. I'm a professional commentator. Chug a beer. Can a guy get on top of a guy, get him in a triangle and kiss him? That's assault. You would win.

If you did that, you would win. But if you held him, if you had his arms completely octopused up, you've got his arms trapped to your leg, you're mounting him. He's yours. His arms are trapped and you decide you're going to kiss him. That would be demeaning. Yeah, but he signed up for it. No, he didn't sign up for that. Yeah, but you signed up for whatever happens, happens. It's me and you.

I wonder if there's a rule. I don't know if it is. It's not in the rule, but you can kiss. I bet one of those refs would dive in. You know how UFC fans would dive in? They would explode. They'd launch themselves. We promise nothing gay. Just guys wrestling. Has there been a gay fighter?

Oh, yeah, for sure. Statistically, I mean. Well, there's one guy. Yeah, one guy actually had done gay porn. Also a lot of the female division. Well, that's clear. A lot of the females. Come on.

I've seen those. It goes without saying. You know, Mike Tyson said Jack Dempsey was his favorite. Jack Dempsey was awesome. Again, like 190. Irish? Yeah, I don't think. How big was Jack Dempsey?

He might have been lighter than that. I do not think he was that. No one was doing steroids back then. No one was eating the wheat we're eating now. No one had corn syrup and all that bullshit that we're eating. They were just eating like steaks and salads and stuff. Yeah, and drinking a lot. And they were, oh, sure. Especially, Jack Dempsey had a great look.

Great look. He just had a look of someone who was going to fuck you up. Yeah. Like an old school guy who probably worked on a railroad somewhere. Exactly. Yeah. It's great. Those guys got on a train.

They go to St. Louis, beat someone up. 187. There he is. There he is. Middleweight, right? 6'1", 187. He to St. Louis, beat someone up. 187. There he is. There he is. Middleweight, right? 6'1", 187. He cut to 185. Well, middleweight in the UFC.

Yeah, that would be in the UFC. But in boxing, that would be cruiserweight. Nickname Kid Blackie. Really? No, Jack. Oh, yeah. Kid Blackie. Oh, wow.

Damn. Why? I wonder what that means. Because he knocked him out of the Black Jacks? He had black hair. He had black hair. You guys are good at get out of Colorado. Will you pull up a video on Jack Dempsey?

William Harrison, Jack Dempsey. He was a ruthless fuck, man. Raging Bull guy. What was he? What was his name? Raging Bull guy. Jake LaMotta. LaMotta.

Yeah. He said his dad in the Bronx used to throw pennies at the kids and they would fight and whoever won got all the pennies. So this guy was like, this is in the days when everybody wore hats. Look at all those guys wearing hats. What year are we talking? It's also a colorized video.

I don't like that. That looks amazing though. No, that looks bad. You know it's bullshit. I want to see that old shit, that black and white shit. They don't need to colorize this. The black guy beat him up, I think. Jack yeah, they don't need to colorize this. They don't need to colorize. The black guy beat him up, I think.

Yeah, this is fine. Jack Dempsey fucked a lot of people up, dude. Look at that. What was he, 6'2"? 6'1". Wow. 6'1", 187, and he was the heavyweight champion of the world. That was tall back then, I think.

Well, the weight, too. The weight is the big thing. Oh. Oh, my. He fucked a lot of people up, man. Were the rules different? Yeah, he had smaller gloves. Oh. Look how small. He fucked a lot of people up, man. Were the rules different? Yeah, he had smaller gloves. Oh.

Look how small these gloves are. These are like little bag gloves. They really popped. Oh, yeah. Man. Look at all those old men with those stupid delivery man hats. This guy pulling them off. Jack Dempsey was a fucking animal.

And Mike Tyson patterned a lot of his attitude about fighting from Jack Dempsey. And a lot of other people. But Mike said that this is the guy who inspired him the most. He was inspired by Sonny Liston. Nice one. As the ref's backing him up. He's a handsome guy.

Great head of hair. Brett Ernst. If you could go back in time and have a conversation with one of these guys and they had no idea that you lived in 2022. Flying. Could you imagine going back and talking to a guy from 1920?

That would be fun. It would be strange, man. The printing press is going to ruin our ideas on life. A lot earlier, Ari. Your history. Shane, tell them. He's like, how about cars? That was one of you guys. Mass media? That was you guys. The, tell them. He's like, how about cars? Gutenberg? That was one of you guys. Shane's always a part of it.

Mass media? Mass media? That was you guys. Yeah, the beginner of media. If you could go back and talk to a guy from 1920, that would be like talking to someone who's in a dream. Like, look at, you know, like if you know- You wouldn't even have to tell them anything.

If you know about 2022, just imagine if you know what's going to happen in 2022, and then all of a sudden you're sitting in a bar with some guy in the 1920s who's just sitting there nursing his beer. Like everyone's smoking indoors. No one knows anything about what the future's going to hold. Yeah. And you could sit down with this guy like you don't have no idea what's going to happen. No idea. None.

You don't have a fucking clue about World War II. You don't have a fucking clue about cars. You don't have a fucking clue about World War II. You don't have a fucking clue about cars. You don't have a fucking clue about planes. In baseball, they will cheat and no one will care. Is that real? You wouldn't be allowed to bar. I guess the Irish need not apply.

The Astros cheated? When did the Astros cheat? When they won the fucking title. That's why the dude on your podcast sat with an asterisk, a Houston asterisk hat. How did they cheat? They read signs. They start beating the fucking back of a trash can. It was high tech.

There was a rumor that they had a fucking Morse code ticker taped to their thigh or up here. That would be like one fastball, breaking ball. How do they know? The catcher? You can put somebody in center field that reads the catcher's signals. They would beat a drum to let you know. A couple pitchers were like, hey, something's up. Let me tell you my next five pitches.

So the catcher decides or the catcher suggests. Yeah, he suggests it. The catcher reads what the pitcher said, what he's thinking. He's like, are you thinking fastball? He's like, yeah. He goes, no. And they got caught. This was our thinking. He's like, I think it's basketball. He's like, yeah. He goes, no. And they got caught.

This was our year. Can I see that again? This was the year that Brody died that we were supposed to win the title. You like the Yankees? And this was our year and they robbed it. And they sent Brody Stevens to hell. That's kite flying, dude. You're a Yankees fan? Been a Yankees fan.

Aren't you from Maryland? Jews? New York. That's where we're from. Okay, back it up. The broadcast feed doesn't matter. It's this part that's coming up where you can hear from inside. So I think it's where you can hear the bangs.

Oh, okay. Oh, you can see it? Look at the picture. Off speed. Oh, it's hitting the trash can or whatever? Yeah, so there's lots of ways they would give signals. He's telling them what pitch is exactly coming. This is the seventh game with a fucking game.

There is a part of baseball that's cool, which is like old school cheating, like banging a trash can is kind of okay. Is that legal? Yeah, I mean, it kind of makes the game cool. It's signals. Like, watch out. Because they talk like this over their mouth

because people are reading their lips. They put their glove over their mask. Every game. Every game the next season, every then they got beat every game. This is actually the video I'm trying to find. Every game the next season, every pitcher fucking beamed every player.

This guy was running home after a home run near the end of the game and he was telling his teammates to not. There's no clicker on me. That was it. He supposedly had a clicker

on him. He was like, don't mob me. He's like, don't touch my shirt. Don't touch my shirt. That's what they were saying was going on here.

1,200 retweets. It's also allegedly. He's covering it up. So he's worried they're going to grab him and open up his wire. Whoa! But what was also cool is then they would hit home runs the next season and rip their shirt and be like...

Yeah, you weren't like a non-MLB player. You just were fucking stealing pitches in massive moments. They might as well have just got caught and everyone's doing it. Dude, Rob Lowe was on this podcast wearing a Houston Asterix hat. Asteroids. No, it's Astros. He wore a Houston Asterix hat.

Whoa, really? Oh, Asterix. Yeah, like they won, but that should not have been a win. Damn. Did you know this, Mark Norman? I did not. I'm learning. I thought Rob Lowe was gay.

Right there. Look at that hat. That's Asterix. That's a Houston Asterix hat. Wow. Rob Lowe was gay. Right there. Look at that hat. That's Asterix. That's his Asterix hat. He's even hotter now. He's hotter now. He's a fucking man. He was already hot.

You like Rob Lowe. We got any more BLs? There's a cooler down next to you. Any more? The Glenn Livet's out. We got this. I'll take a little Macal. There you go, fella.

Thank you, sir. What are they, beers in there? We're going to polish off two bottles in a case. No, these bottles were already half done. I was trying to sound cool for the audience. Friends forever. That's adorable. Oh, yeah.

Is there any ice left in that? That's a non-Photoshop picture. There's ice on the table. Just the two of them hanging out. That's wild. They were buddies, dude. Hell, yeah. Hell yeah. Friends forever.

You know Trump didn't even fucking bang any of the kids. He went and hung out with the staff. What a pussy. Is that what you heard? Oh, yeah. Was that on Gab? It's true. I don't know where I heard that.

Are you going to get his son on the pod, Junior? I don't know. Norton used to love him. Norton used to hang out with him. Norton? Yeah. Really? Yeah. So before Trump wasorton used to hang out with him. Norton? Yeah. Really? So before Trump was president. He's friends with John Dudley.

I don't know who that is. My buddy, the Archer. Ah. Good show, Archer. He's gone ONA a lot, right? He used to be. Did he? Mark, call him. Back when ONA was ONA. I've had three scotches. Do you think ONA could be ready to play? You could do another. Please give him another scotch. Do you think ONA could be replicated? You could do another. Please give him another scotch. Do you think they could ever replicate ONA again?

No. I think it's got to be a podcast, though. That's the only way. It would have to be a podcast. And we have. Your mom's house does more than what they do. But I'm not saying that. I'm like, could those guys get together again?

Could ONA ever get together again? I would love to see it. Here's the question. Is it late night? Is it too late for ONA to get back together? No, listen to me. Opie, Anthony, and Jim Norton, if they got back together right now, it wouldn't be the same. Shut the fuck up. It would not be the same. You know it. It wouldn't be the same. It doesn't have to be the same. Yeah, but they'd like fight on camera. That'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be something. And the fights was always good.

I think, I think it would work out. You know what I was thinking today, which would be sad? That would be, that'd be something the in fights was always good. I think I think it would work out You know I was thinking today, which would be said would be I would be interesting Dude, it would be a back together could sure it would be o and a have to resolve it listen No, I wasn't winning anything by the way listen weren't wouldn't we go visit them? What I go on that show wouldn't we go on that show wouldn't everybody start going on that show again? Yeah? Everybody would go on that show are wouldn't everybody start going on that show again? Yeah. Everybody would go on that show again. You wouldn't even be invited, dude. That's a good point. Don't even start pondering.

I would like to see other comics on there. It was a fun show to listen to. He was a jerk. He's cranky because he has his knickers. Rewind the tape. Alright, that's good. That's good. Alright, alright. Try to remember that. We're going to start getting you back into this. Getting back into the comedy, the swing good. That's good. All right, all right, all right. Try to remember that.

Okay. We're going to start getting you back into this, getting back into the comedy, the swing of things. Shut up. Because right now you stink. Wait, you do comedy? You stink. He quarters.

He was good in the Catskills. Killing it. He was killing it? Yeah, in those mountains. With the Marx Brothers. Shecky Shafir was a winner. Shecky Shafir, my uncle. That's you should do a history of comedy in the Shafir family.

All me. All me through the years. Shecky Shafir. Shecky Shafir. Bro, that would be fucking hilarious. That could be really funny. You have a guy on the Mayflower. Roosevelt just died.

That guy was a piece of shit. Am I right? A bunch of people are like, boo. Roosevelt just died. That guy was a piece of shit. Am I right? A bunch of people are like, boo. Could you imagine what it would be like to be in a comic in the 50s?

So easy. Everything is open game. You're just like, hey, that's a good joke. Don't save the go. Thank you. Men and women are different. Fuck. Well, this guy's a genius. They are.

I've never thought about it. They're different. Right. Black people are late. Oh, my God. This is cutting edge. Holy shit. They are late.

Yeah. Have you guys seen Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? Yeah. First season and a half. It was cool, but they spilled too fast. It was real fucking theater-y. Too dewy. Well, I felt like it was really good, but the second season I kind of lost interest for some reason.

Every show. You can't do stand-up on TV. You can't do it. It just never works. Don't you love Seinfeld? The stand-up is funny. You're close to it. The stand-up sucks.

The stand-up sucked on Seinfeld. Louis was good. Well, to it the stand-up sucked on sign louis louis yeah well that was real stand-up oh yeah you can do real stand-up i'm telling you mazel is better than like punchline it's like as close you can get as to someone doing stand-up but her going up and just spend just speaking from the heart they always do that yeah i'm gonna forget all the preparation that goes into stand-up and I'm just gonna speak from the heart. That's what makes us have a hard time. Miss Maisel going up and go, you know what? Can I just talk about

my fucking asshole husband? And everyone thinks it's that easy. I know. It sometimes is though. Rarely. For some people like a Joey Diaz character. Joey Diaz can go on stage and you could have said something to him right before he went on stage. And he'll go on stage mad at you and shit all over that thing.

Yeah. And murder. I mean murder. I've seen him do it. I've seen him go on stage with something that literally just happened. He trained a lot though to be able to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no doubt.

But Joey in the parking lot could always do that. Yeah. Joey in the parking lot could always do that. Yeah. Joey in the parking lot could always make everybody laugh. Like, back when Joey wasn't doing that good on stage, because there was a period, I don't know how long it was, you'd have to ask him. See, there's hope. There was a...

You don't always have to be doing great on stage. There was a period where Joey... Denver Colorado, out of the show. Joey couldn't figure it out. Nice. Congrats, man. He didn't have the right confidence or something on stage, but then he got it, and when he got it, he was a monster. He was a monster. It was instantaneous, man.

I've never seen anybody go from bombing a lot to murdering every time. It wasn't just that he would do well. He would kill on a level that you're like holy shit Yeah, really. I've never seen him on stage once oh my god, dude I mean there was moments where you know in the early 2000s He was so funny that like you would go. I don't what am I what am I doing? How am I doing this so different than him? Really he was an animal. It just it was never captured on film, like the best moments.

But it's like universal. You've asked all of us. All of us that were around the store at that time, like who's the funniest guy you've ever seen? You're like, Joey Diaz. He's the funniest guy I've ever seen. Wow. He would hit these notes that would like, I've seen people murder. I've seen like Louie murder and Chris Rock murder and Chappelle murder and Holtzman murder. And I've seen people murder. I've seen like Louie murder and Chris Rock murder and Chappelle murder and Holtzman murder.

And I've seen everybody murder. Bill Burr murder. I've seen all these people murder. He just keeps murdering. He murdered to the point where like you were just like, where are we? Like you hit some new level of air. Long extended like can't breathe moments. Oh my God.

He would host at the store for over mic night on potluck. And he would be like, he would have like the list of who's next. And he would be like, I can't even tell it. He would host at the store for open mic night on potluck and he would have the list of who's next and he would be like, I can't even tear it. He would just be like this, but then he would be looking at the list and still talking and he would be going like this with his coke hand. Like this. Next up! Yo, fuck it! And then he would go

off on somebody and he goes, next up, Machinowicz. And he would mispronounce somebody's name and then that was it. It was the moment, the Joey sets were the best sets were the moment where he knew his friends were there like if he knew we were hanging out in the back of the room and he knew the crowd knew who he was

he would go on stage like a gunslinger and we would all I'm telling you man like we lined up back there a hundred times to watch him yeah you'd watch him late night he was great yeah but it was it was just moments where he, you know, like

he felt the groove. He just rode the fucking wave. Yeah. And it's almost like the people that were there those nights, they saw it. They got it. They know what you're talking about. The people that have seen Joey murder, they know it. But for the rest of the public, we've got to figure out a way to get that down. Because he's not doing stand-up

right now. Well, podcasts is a good thing for him. Oh, yeah. Podcasts are great for him, but stand-up is better. He's a great stand-up. And he has some fucking points, too, that sneak up on you. He's also a master of like- One of the best storyteller comics of all time. Of all time.

Somebody should film him secretly so you can capture that moment. He's not doing stand-up right now. That's the problem. Actually, no. No one film him secretly. Well, don't put out all of it. Just saying, like, if there's a hot moment. Joey's a master of economy of words.

Like, he makes you realize, like, the quicker you can get to a punchline, the less people are going to figure out where you're going with it. And he sneaks up on you and hits you with it, and you're like, bah! And then, for for me it made me think oh i should do more of that like that's a strategy like you like to get your jokes down to

the bare minimum of the amount of words you need to say because sometimes you don't think about that but then you watch a guy like joey and like it has they're all funny bits he's performing them fantastic but they're also the economy of words is amazing doesn't think twice about saying the worst things like he's so casual about drug use on stage it's just almost like you've all like done coke off a stripper's tit right it's almost like he skips past that to get to the next thing remember that bit he used to do about lighting some stripper's wig on fire was it a hooker a hooker's wig lighting a hooker's wig on fire it's like it's like his bits were so crazy

i hate those guys with the spiky head they look like uh they're giving you a blow job and you pull them on the middle like i'll just do it myself he just had so many bits that were just like they were so crazy there was it was all bits about doing coke and staring out the window with your cat. You and the cat are paranoid. Like, yeah, like, it was. And he just doesn't do it? He just stopped doing it. He moved to Jersey.

He never comes to New York. No, never. When I heard he was moving to Jersey, I was like, this will be sick. It's a bit of a haul. I thought I was going to see him all the time. He's older. Hardly. He's excited. He's got a successful podcast and a family,

and I think he's enjoying just being in New Jersey and just relaxing. I heard he was doing the Stress Factory, like popping in. He did a little bit. He did a little bit, but he hasn't in a while. Last time I talked to him when we were down there, we had dinner with him, and he said he hadn't done it in a while. He loves it. I'm interested in his dinner right now. Dude, I was like, maybe we could talk to this guy and move into Texas.

But then when we went down there, I'm like, oh, my God, he's the king of New Jersey. He loves it. He's the king. He goes to family-style barbecues to Texas. But then we went down there. I'm like, oh my God, he's the king of New Jersey. He loves it. He's the king. He goes to family style barbecues. Yeah. Dude, he's the king. I'm telling you, you see how you go to a restaurant with Diaz and you're like, oh, okay. Yeah, he's never leaving.

Yeah, yeah. He's still alive. I'm fine. That was always a thing. Every time somebody died, you're like, Joey Diaz is still alive and so and so. Humans have stronger genes than you. Hey, Artie Lang's still alive. Yeah. You saw the antibodies?

Yeah, well, Artie Lange's been clean for a long time now, right? Wow, he's been saying that for years. You don't believe him? Nah. Yeah, he was doing a lot of Bud Lights. He was doing it for a little while. He was a Bud Light guy. He got big into Bud Lights.

But he's been sober for a while. That's what he tells you. I think he is. I bought coke off him last week. Artie's selling now. He's what he tells you. I think he is. I bought coke off him last week. Hardy's selling now. He's full on dealing. He paid for his nose job. He had to go to resort to selling coke. He might be the funniest

guy in conversation I've ever met. Just hanging out with him. He's one of the funniest guys. He's another guy that everybody loves. You know what's nice about him is he gives it up too. He does. I remember the first time I did like fucking Anthony

Cumia's show. He was on it. Oh wow. It was him and Artie and I like said something funny and I was brand new so people were like

shut the fuck up. Right. But he was the one guy that like leaned back in his chair and be like. Good job. That was funny.

Yeah. And everybody else in the room just kept talking. Yep. Because you know you're the new guy they're like who gives a fuck what you have to say. Of course. Don't you hate that was funny. And everybody else in the room just kept talking. When you're the new guy, they're like, who gives a fuck what you have to say? Don't you hate that? That was a long time in New York.

It's also, it's so dumb. It's so dumb. Somebody said something funny, but he was the only guy that was like, that was good. And he was the funniest guy in the room. He was the funniest guy in the room. The funniest guys are always the most secure. It's always the unfunny guy who's a dick and won't give it up for everybody. The funniest guy in the room. Yeah. Whoa. The funniest guys are always the most secure. It's always the unfunny guy who's a dick and won't give it up. Right.

You say that, but there's a lot of funny guys that are super selfish, too. True, true, true. It's weird, man. Some good comics that have no comic friends. You're like, what the fuck is- What happened to you? What's going on with you, man? What are you even doing out there by yourself?

Right. Dude, we're filming. This is not happening. Are we supposed to do it? I put going on with you, man? What are you even doing out there by yourself? Right. Dude, we're filming. This is not happening. Are we supposed to do it? And I put him on last on the order. And this manager agent comes up and he's like, can you go on first instead? I'm like, sure. But he's like the biggest name.

Yeah. And they're like, well, he's asleep. So I'm like, I'll get him up first. Absolutely. And then he killed. Yeah, he did. Wow. Wow.

He was tweeting. He told me years ago that celebrities would pay him to tweet for them. Oh, that's hilarious. So he'd be tweeting for Kim Kardashian. He'd be like, you're a comedian. I need to be clever. And he'd be like, I did another heroin bump. Kim Kardashian's like, what the fuck?

That's hilarious. I was on Mad TV with him in 1996. You were on Mad TV? him in like 1996. Wow. You were on Mad TV? Yeah, he played just a sketch. He did a few. That's where I met Callan. I didn't know you were on that.

Yeah, I was a host of Mad TV one. They had hosts? No, it was just one episode. Kind of like an SNL host? Yeah, same thing. Shane was always more of a Mad TV guy. I like Mad TV better. This is me and him.

Whoa. Damn, Joe. When you see it in black and white, it looks like it's so old. He looks like Gleason. Yeah. This sketch is about golf, and Joe's like, we changed it to boxers. It's going to show off my physique. Now, he would say, that's not true.

How dare you? Did you get sucked that night? Made me feel uncomfortable about being shredded. Did you cut weight? Joe, did you get sucked that night? Made me feel uncomfortable about being shredded. Did you cut weight? Joe, did you get sucked that night from a gal? Yeah. I think I had a lady friend at the time. Did she suck you?

Hopefully. You look good as hell in that, dude. Thank you. Did you ever get sucked? You should get sucked a lot. Looking like that, that's a guy who should get sucked, if the world is fair. But we became friends right away. He was always the coolest fucking guy.

Like, he was always, like, from jump, from meeting him. Like, when I hung out with Callan and him on the set of that show, like, you know, you got, like, these actor-y types, and they're uncomfortable. They're awkward. Callan types. I didn't want to say his name. But then there was me and Artie, and we're just fucking palling around, like comics. Like, when you run into a real comic on a set, it's so fun. It's so nice. Then there was me and Artie. We're just fucking palling around like comics.

When you run into a real comic on a set, it's so fun. It's so nice. I think he was a pool hustler for a while. Oh, yeah. No, he could play pool. I met him at Down and Dirty with Jim Norton, who's in the back. Never met him before. And he was just in the green room. It was just like story after story.

He's like, oh, who is this guy? He doesn't stop. And he never runs out of stories. Never. That's the thing. Only the coolest people do heroin. Yeah, true.

Dorks don't do heroin. You're absolutely right. I think a lot of dorks do heroin. I think this is incorrect and this is going to get us kicked off of YouTube. CDC.

Ari can play some pool. CDC, are you listening? What? He can play some pool. Already? Yeah, he can play some pool. I played pool with him. I was like,

dude, you actually know how to play. He moves the ball around really good. He would be a duck worker if not for his sense of humor. I think he did work on a dock. I think he did. I think he was like a longshoreman, wasn't he? Yeah.

What? Oh, he's the real deal. He is a man of the people. Hey, you have longshoremen today, you fucking suburban cunt. They just don't work. Hey, the suburban cunts. Yeah, that's pretty good. Suburban cunts.

Yeah, there you go. I'm not urban, folks. That's actually my favorite. That's a better name for the Real Housewives. Suburban cunts. Suburban Cunts. That's pretty good. Suburban Cunts. Yeah, there you go. I'm not urban, folks. That's actually my favorite. That's a better name for the Real Housewives. Suburban Cunts. Suburban Cunts is perfect. I do live in the city. I'm urban.

You live in the city? I live in Manhattan, in the city. Oh, boy. Queens is where I live, and that's where I live. Is that the real city? Too far. Nothing open. Nothing but fucking immigrants and me.

That's what I like. Shane wants to be angry all the time. He just sits in his porch. No, I like the immigrants. They ruin the neighborhood I just got to. It's the most diverse place in the country. The immigrants are the best. Do you like it because they're the most raw? They're newly arrived in America.

They got hopes and dreams. They haven't turned into yuppies. They're not pretentious. Not pretentious. Anytime I see a white person in New York, I don't like them. We're not pretentious. They're cool. Not pretentious. Every time I see a white person in New York, I don't like them. We went to Washington Square Park. I see them, I'm like, why are you here, you fucking loser? No immigrant is a he, him.

No. I'm trying to sell. I got fish to haul. If you see people with their pronouns and their bio, just block them. Just like, you're not going to be great for my life. I just have to not. Well they're mean. That's a good way to exit out. That's a good way to exit out of that.

Just get, go stop, stop. And I don't mean if like it's like she, her or he, him even if you're trans and you're he, her or she, him. I'm talking about those they, them motherfuckers. Right. Like no. Yeah well it depends for me it depends. If they're like actually a they, them like if you see them and you're like,

damn, that's a fucking something. That's true. That's something different. I changed my stance. But if it's like me being like, by the way, I'm fucking he him. I say, shut up. Here's the one that drives me crazy. The he they.

He they. True. That's more interesting. What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? I say anyone who lists their pronouns at all, get out of here. Get out of here. Maybe he man was ahead of his time.

We're not even talking about that. He-Man. The cartoon. Do what he was doing. He slash man. If you get fat enough, you gotta start going by If you get fat enough, you gotta start going by they. Oh, you're plural now, motherfucker. There's two of you. You just said that so we wouldn't say that about you.

The only way it makes... I knew you couldn't get to that joke. I was about to get to it. You literally couldn't get to that joke. Do you think they think they're showing solidarity to people that are struggling with their trans identity when they're putting he, him in their pronoun and they have a fucking beard? Right. If it's a guy with a beard and he writes he, him in his bio, what's he doing there? Is he showing solidarity? No, he's trying to make it about him. He's trying to make it about he him. It's narcissism.

Is it possible he's just a really nice guy? Is that possible? It's possible. There's a couple of those. Yeah. There's a couple of nice guys. They're out there, but the other ones are ruining it. But most of them aren't. It's the active ones online. Well, this is the problem with identity politics, right? Anything which identity like people vary so much inside every fucking group. The idea of, like, lumping everybody together in terms of right, left, black, white, Asian, this, that. Stop. It's true.

So much variety in humans. It's weird. We're so fluid on gender, but we're so hard up on everything else. Like, are you black? Are you a man? Are you a right? Are you a left? Like, why can't I be fluid on that?

No one's accepting transracial. Transracial is just not going to fucking make it. I don't think any of us are in a position. Because black people keep it real. I don't think any of us are in a position to talk about that. Can you give me that black lighter? And get some more ice, will you? Yeah.

Can I get that lighter? Thank you. I think we have ice. No, we have water. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean water. Like a Poland. Oh, you want water?

We have water. We have a whole bucket of water. I got a cigar. I got a whiskey. Does that metal thing have water in it? I drank it. Oh, here, I'll give you some more. Oh, thank you.

I didn't know you had a spare agua. There's a whole pitcher here, buddy. Isn't it crazy in Mexico you can't drink the water? It's like, come on. What are we doing here? It's crazy as they can. Oh, is that right? Yeah.

Oh, well, then they're doing it right. We just don't have the gut flora for it. We've been too coddled. Yeah, we have bitch ass water. That's why they don't get COVID. They have ivermectin. Oh, really? Mexico does?

Mexico, yeah. I took it. Yeah. Really? It's medical disinformation. I just want to state for the record, neither Ari Shaffir nor myself are doctors. I'm not a doctor. Why?

You're Jewish. Who would play one on TV if I was a better actor? Your name could be Dr. Shaffir nor myself are doctors. I'm not a doctor. Why? You're Jewish. I could play one on TV if I was a better actor. Your name could be Dr. Shaffir. Easily. That sounds like a doc. I think a lot of people are vaccinated in Mexico, too, though. There you go. What's the rate of vaccination for COVID in Mexico?

See, here's the thing. You couldn't even have this conversation on YouTube. Weird. If we had this conversation on YouTube, people would be freaking out. We're just people sitting around talking. Yeah, we want to know about our Mexican brethren. You couldn't even have this conversation on YouTube. Weird. If we had this conversation on YouTube, people would be freaking out. We're just people sitting around talking. Yeah, we want to know about our Mexican brethren. Yeah, but this is what it's like when people sit around talking.

They talk about all kinds of stuff. To say you can't talk about all kinds of stuff because people are listening. You feel we're at the end of COVID? Do you feel that at all? Yes, 100%. It feels like it. Because this one is not so bad for a lot of people. See, look at that. Mexico's got 149 million people vaccinated.

56%. 72%. Where did you get 56? The percentage. Oh. People. Not so bad for a lot of people. See, look at that. Mexico's got 149 million people vaccinated. 56%. 72% fully. Where'd he get 56? The percentage. No. Oh. People. People fully vaccinated.

A little more than half. 72 million. So percentage of fully vaccinated. Oh, fully vaccinated. I'm looking at percentage versus million. 56, that's great. I thought it was 72%. So 72 million is pretty fucking good, and 56% is pretty fucking good.

I hear Mexico City is awesome. I've never been. I've been. It just went on Thanksgiving. Yeah? It's crazy. Amazing. Really? never been. I've been. I just went on Thanksgiving. Yeah? It's crazy. Amazing. Really?

So cool. So much art. So much food. The tacos everywhere. Really? Oh, they're so fucking good. Are they Mexican Mexican? Or like Spaniard Mexican?

No, Mexican Mexican, but they do have that upscale like we're better than you. Oh, really? Yeah. That's fun. The traffic there is insanity. Like when you go through an intersection People are going left and right You've been? When did you go?

Yeah I was there for the UFC a couple times The people they know how to do it though That's normal They just merge People are like the red light is a suggestion Maybe you should stop But whatever And people are just jamming up

fucking lanes. It's wild. It's wild to watch. Yeah, I went to Italy with my lady and I had to drive and it was, it's a different world. Those cul-de-sacs. Those turny things. Roundabouts. No, it's the same side. Of 390 cities and 48 countries studied, Mexico City has the most traffic

congestion in the world. Number one, Mexico City. It's massive too, so you can't get across town. Look at that. Dri congestion in the world. Hey, there you go. Wow. Number one, Mexico City. It's massive, too, so you can't get across town. Look at that. Drivers in the Mexican spend an average of 66% of their time stuck in traffic. Wow. Holy shit. Go for it.

So those people, there's no need to have a fast car in Mexico. Where are you going? LA. US. LA. We've been there. LA traffic. Everybody has to go fairly slow that's one thing

that happens when you go to uh certain places like uh certain parts of the world you see all these economy cars like everyone has an economy car and you go whoa and then you realize oh like the way we live is weird the luxury of just getting to where you're going well not just that like people have big-ass trucks and shit SUVs and pickup trucks and fucking sports cars and there's economy cars too But there's like if you drive through You drive through Dallas or New York City try New York City see a lot of fucking Mercedes-Benz You go to LA they have expensive cars a lot

Yeah, it's like overwhelming like the amount is almost like half the cars on the road annoying L.A., they have expensive cars. A lot of expensive cars. L.A. has little. It's overwhelming. The amount is almost half the cars on the road. It's kind of annoying. In New York, we have a beat-up-able car. But if you look at like- You got a nice Chevy Cruze, dude. If you look at like India- There we go.

Shout out to the Chevy Cruze. Chevy Cruze. What's the electric one? The Volt? The Volt. Good name. Yeah. Let's you know what it is right away.

Those hybrid ones are the way to go, right? Those Priuses, if you want to get like the best gas mileage, don't they have like fucking 80 fucking miles? Leaf. Prius is like a hybrid. I think it has a stupid fucking miles per gallon. I think it's really crazy. Isn't it, Jamie? Doesn't a Prius get like 60 miles to the gallon or something nutty?

Probably higher than that. Yeah, 60 is insane. 60 is insane. It's so much better than it was. I'm going to get a Honda Accord if shit keeps going well. That's great. I got something like that. If everybody goes well, a new one?

If things continue to go well for me, I'm going to get a Honda Accord. That's splurging. Those are good cars. Yeah. I love Hondas. Before he died, he was like, son, one day I want you to have. My dadord. That's splurging. Those are good cars. Yeah. I love Hondas. Before he died, he was like, son, one day I want you to have. My dad's alive, dude. Oh, congratulations, dude.

Did you just curse him? New lease on life. Sorry I'm not 90. My dad's alive. My dad's alive. Yeah. My dad's 38. My dad didn't die in the Titanic.

Your dad was the iceberg. The iceberg was Jewish. Because it was the iceberg The iceberg was Jewish Because it was an iceberg So wait Do you think Epstein and Clinton Were friends or something? I don't This artist made it

I don't know That's fucked up dude Well I flew with him 26 times Yeah It was only 26 times He was a good man And mischaracterizing him. They're down Clinton.

They had a love of science. Clinton's kind of a fun guy, yeah. I love the picture of Clinton, both Clintons and Trump hanging out. How about fucking Ghislaine at their wedding? Oh, no. You got to get her on here. You got to get Ghislaine on. She's in jail.

Right after the mistrial. She is? Yeah, she's in jail. She's innocent. They're letting her off. You think so? Yeah, because those two guys was like's innocent. They're letting her off. You think so? Yeah, because those two guys was like... Do you think they engineered it?

Possible. Yo, for real though, I know we're not supposed to joke about child trafficking and stuff, but that's a good bottom bitch. Just laying down. Imagine that was your lady. Like, yo, we need to secure some young chicks. And your girlfriend being like, okay. Do you think that's what it was, that she was your girlfriend?

Or did they have some weird friendship? Were they both? I think both. They were buddies. I mean, they were best friends. I'd love to marry my best friend the way Epstein did. They weren't married. Whatever.

What a crazy, crazy story. He had a wild ride. That there's a guy who's some sort of intelligence operative, whether it's for another country or what, and he's getting together with people and compromising them. Blackmailing everybody. Yeah. And then there's people giving him money that they can't explain. Like exorbitant amounts of money.

Get that golden retriever. Is that Joe? Is that your dog? What the fuck, bro? Your dog's been pictured with them? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. What's your dog's name?

That's not. Marshall. Marshall's been pictured with the Epstein. I think that's one of those Irish setters. That's Betty White. That's the queen. Oh, that's the queen and that's Epstein. Her cabin.

He was staying at her cabin. Wow, that's dark. Yeah. But they don't know who he was working for, what organization he was working for. It was the Mossad, dude. They think. Really? Obviously the Mossad.

But wasn't he American? He was American, right? He had a bunch of passports, though. Jeffrey Epstein. The Jews had a good run. You think Jeffrey Epstein is Mossad? You got a hard way. Do I think? That was the rumor. I'll tell you what, dude. The Jews had a good run. You think Jeffrey Epstein is Mossad? That was the rumor. I'll tell you what, dude. I don't know a lot.

And who gave him the island? Israel? Well, they don't know where he got all his money from. It's like real sketchy weird. I donated. Alright, but imagine you're a billionaire and this guy's like, yo, you want to come hang out on my island? How's he saying it?

Yes. What's he wearing? What's FC wearing? What's he smell like? He's dressed like an admiral. What's he saying that? Yo, you want to come hang out at my house? Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, they would get famous people to go to their house. Oh, yeah. That was the thing. They had quite a guest list. Yeah. Chelsea Handler was on the plane. Michelle Wolf. The plane.

She's on the list. Is she on the list? I think. Really? She's on a couple lists. Hey, easy. She's innocent. Sch Wolf. The plane. She's on the list. Is she on the list? I think. She's on a couple lists. Hey, easy. She's innocent. Schindler's List. Oh, Jesus.

Hey, we're not making jokes like that. Oh, sorry. I forgot. Here it is. The mysterious foreign passport found in Jeffrey Epstein's mansion was used to enter at least four countries in the 1980s, prosecutors say. Wow. Enter four countries? He had a foreign passport found

inside a safe. I'll tell you what, I don't like this guy at all. He seems bad. If I ever had a chance to punch him. Did you ever see the video where Bill Gates is talking about him? No, what's he saying? He's dead now, so, you know, there's that. He's basically letting out

that almost makes him happy that the guy's dead. Of course. He was asking him. And you hung out with him, didn't you? And he's like, well, he's dead now. So I guess next question. Well, he said more than that. He was talking about-

Dead men tell no tales. They pushed him as to why he had this friendship. And he said that Epstein was going to donate to philanthropy, which he felt was very important. was going to donate to philanthropy, which he felt was very important. And, like, you know, he has a lot of philanthropy that's involving, like, world health and stuff like that. Here. See?

Anybody who donates to charity is fucked up. When you met him 10 years ago, he was convicted of soliciting prostitution from minors. What did you know about him when you were meeting with him, as you've said yourself, in the hopes of raising money? You know, I had dinners with him. I regret doing that. He had relationships with people he said, you know, would give to global health, which is an interest I have. You know, not nearly enough philanthropy goes in that direction. You know, those meetings were a mistake. They didn't result in what he purported, and I cut them off. You know, that goes back a long time ago now. You know, so there's nothing new on that.

No, nothing new there. You've been able to meet with him over several years, and that, in other words, a number of meetings. there. Well, you know, I've said I regretted having those dinners. And there's nothing, absolutely nothing new on that. Is there a lesson for you, for anyone else looking at this?

He's listening to his publicist, Thomas. He's dead. So, you know, in general, you always have to be careful. A lot of uhs. Well, he's dead.

Ari talked over it. Is there any lesson? You can hear it. I heard it. Is there any? Ari breathed over it. You were talking about it. He talked over it.

You were trying to shush you to an important part. He keeps pausing during the questions, looking at his publicist, telling him what to say. Jamie, are you working? I don't know if he's looking at his publicist, but he's definitely nervous. Jamie, are you working the audio to eliminate Ari's breathing into the mic? You should take it out. Do your best.

Please keep it in. Fair enough. But what a fucking crazy thing to say, right? Put more homophobia on Shane. Isn't that a crazy thing to say? Yeah. So there's a lesson there? Were there any lessons? He's likeophobia on stream. Isn't that a crazy thing to say? Yeah. So there's a lesson there? Were there any lessons?

He's like, well, he died. Yeah. Well, he's dead now. He looked pretty shook up over that. Bro. Yeah, he's like, PBS is talking shit? Yeah, that's my buddy that flew around with it. There's nothing new here.

Imagine if you go on PBS and they start fucking hitting you with questions. You're like, what the fuck are you doing, PBS? Public broadcasting? Blow me. Losers? Yeah. What's next? I have the Xbox.

Did he do that? Yeah, Microsoft. Whoa. What did she ask him directly? Is there anything else to say? I don't... Is there anything to learn from these mistakes or something like that? He learned from his mistakes. He's dead now.

Yeah. Just laying his... Epstein's Xbox. It's very... Dude, how good was that, though though when they just killed Epstein? Well, what's crazy is that security cameras went off. I know. It's weird.

The whole country just had to sit there like, yeah, I guess. She had some bombs on her. Damn, she was cute. Great bombs. She was cute. Jamie, bring up Maxwell's giant tits. So her father is some sort of an intelligence agent, right? No, he was a media guy, I think.

A mogul. Something. Yes. Something. Oh, look at her bikini. Oh, look at that. The foot in the cans there. I'd like to see the cans.

Cans. Film festival. Will you pull up her father? She's got like Pelosi knobs. No, pull up her tits. Yeah, you're doing this wrong. Nobody's looking at her father? She's got like Pelosi knobs. I'll pull up her tits. Yeah, you're doing this wrong, dude. Everybody's looking at her father. No, don't bring up his father, big old don't.

The murky life and death of Robert Maxwell. Hey, he's a cool dude. Look at that. Yeah, she was pretty there. Yeah. What was the story with this dude, Jamie? The main part that sticks out, other than his whole history, he was a big media mogul in Europe,

and he was found naked in the Mediterranean or something like that. Mediterranean? Look at him down there in the bottom corner, but the left of the bottom corner where he's dressed up in his fucking Secret Society outfit. He's got a little Sue Taylor in here. With Elizabeth Taylor. Wow.

She was something. The boat was named after Ghislaine, here. With Elizabeth Taylor. Wow. Wow. She was something. The boat was named after Ghislaine too. I don't think that matters a ton. The boat was named after her?

Wow. What is that name? Ghislaine. Ghislaine. The SS rape. I think you say Ghislaine. Yeah, SS rape. What language is that?

They would say Ghislaine and spell it like that. I believe. Ghislaine. But here's the craziest shit about all this, man. It's like this sounded like the most ridiculous conspiracy just years ago.

If you went 10 years ago and talked to someone and said, hey, there's an island and they take really famous people and scientists and they compromise them with young girls. Compromise them? Yeah. So they can have them. They videotape them and then they have this blackmail money and then people are going to have to resign

because they donated money to this guy and gave money to this guy CEOs have resigned because they had written $150 million checks they couldn't account for it didn't make any sense it's a very simple scheme what's one thing no one can resist

17 year old girls on an island. Apparently. Especially if you don't know they're 17. Like, if you think they're 19. And then you film them. And then they tell you. And then you say, hey, by the way, that kid was fucking 15 years old, you freak. Right.

You better donate. Or they say that you have the girl say it to you after you've already had sex. That's how the boys get it. And you see them react to it. Because they might say, it's okay. It's cool. Yeah. And then they have that. Like, who the fuck knows? react to it because they might say it's okay, it's cool and then they have that. Like,

who the fuck knows? But the fact is, oh, that's the other thing that his temple was designed to look like the Israeli flag.

Temple? Nice, dude. Fucking Jews all the way. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that temple. That was like the mosque and the Israeli flag.

You see the owl up there? That was... It's Mal. It's a lot of shit. No, what's the name of the... Moloch. Moloch. What's Moloch? Moloch, the jelly flag. You see the owl up there? That was... It's Illuminati shit. No, what's the name of that? Moloch. Moloch. What's Moloch?

Moloch, the owl god. Whoa. Bohemian Grove. For real? Have you guys ever looked into the Franklin scandal? No. What's that? Benjamin?

Yo. Benjamin Franklin. I'm only on like chapter two. Ben Franklin? Al Franken? No, Nebraska. What did Al Franken do to you? Al Franken? He went too long on hisillon talked to us about it one time. What did Al Franken do to you? Al Franken?

He went too long on his show. He bumped me and did an hour. He wouldn't get off. No, you get into that. Franklin scandal, what is it? I don't know enough about it because I'm not done with it. I just started. Ben?

Tim Dillon's an expert on this. Tim Dillon's all about it. Nick Mullen's all about it. They know all about it. And I talk to them and I'm dumb. And those guys are smart and they tell me about it. Report Mullen's all about it. They know all about it. And I talk to them and I'm dumb. And those guys are smart and they tell me about it. Report back. I'm trying my best.

But it's just a real thing that happened. Omaha. I'll be there in two weeks. Funny bone. The second you read about this, you're like, oh shit, this is real. Who's the richest guy in Nebraska? Israel. But then I was just looking into Pizzagate.

Yeah, you were. I was. That was a fun one. Has it been debunked? Yeah, I think a lot. Could somebody just debunk it? Well, the Comet Pizza, there's no basement. So they said there was things happening in the basement.

That's what they say. They love to say there's no basement. But there is no basement. There's no basement? No, no. There's no basement. They love saying there's no basement. My favorite of that is the guy who went in there to handle business with a shotgun.

I've heard the guy. No, I believe he had an AR. He went down. He was like, I'm going to free those kids out of that basement. And he was doing the right thing based on what he believed. They're holding kids in there for sex trafficking. It's one of those things where it's like abortion. Like when people protest abortion.

You're doing the right thing. And he's like, well, if you think they are killing kids, you should be like, hey, they're killing kids. Stop. Sure. But the Comet Pizza, the ping pong thing? What was the ping pong? What's that?

They say there's no basement. I think the guy's been on interviews being like, in our basement. Let's see. Oh, really? I could be wrong. Let's find that out. Is there a basement at Comet Pizza? Look, dude, on behalf of my buddies, I would just like somebody to debunk pizza game that's all I would like well that's one

thing about QAnon is they hate pedophilia mm-hmm everybody gives them shit but at least they're trying to stop that problem with QAnon is like I wonder how much of it how much of that shit where people are getting manipulated like that. This is wild. This is wild. What are we doing? Delete everything I just said. What does it say? A lot of the messages about the far-right conspiracy theory are coming from Germany. So that's what I'm saying. Well, that's a problem. I wonder how much, like, I've had

these conversations with people that know about these troll farms and how prevalent they are and how much they get into our social media and affect conversations. What's a troll farm? Dude, listen to this. They found 19 out of 20 top Christian sites on Facebook were run by a company that's designed to start arguments online. And they were in Macedonia.

So it's a troll farm. So they're pretending that they're for Jesus, but they're really just trying to get people arguing for hire yeah it's like no no no they're being this is a job that's from the government so the government is hiring people to set up thousands of cell phones where they're all plugged have you ever seen it it's it's a wild thing to see like they've taken photos of the same the same photo every every like they have all these phones They have all these phones. They have all these phones connected to this like long rack of tables. And these guys are moving. Look at this. And so they're moving along this and they're shit

posting. They're going to give them heat. Look at that lady. She's wearing a coat inside and gloves. Look at that one. They're going to heat the place. So what they're doing is their job is to talk shit. So they go online and they'll talk shit about Christians or they'll talk shit about Muslims. So you get people arguing? You get people arguing.

And they say extreme things. They have like crosses in their fucking avatars, but it's all fake. They got on, they would literally organize Facebook, Facebook organize events like Black Lives Matter versus Guys Who Love America

rallies. And they would put them at the same place. Well, they put a pro-Muslim rally across the street from a Texas separatist rally. They created both rallies. They organized the whole thing. This is a fake account. We are troll farmers. This is a fake account. My baby daddy ain't shit.

It's a fake account. You will hear abusive and or narcissistic men bash on mom and claim parental alienation, yet you never hear them tell people that it was their choice to abandon their children. So they're just trying to start fights. I follow this guy. Like, imagine. But listen, look at that post. Like, that's a post where it's like, hey, you should take care of your children, right?

This guy's an asshole. But what are they doing? All they're doing is trying to start a fight. Yeah, and those go to the top of the calendar. And then people comment on that, and they're involved in the fight. They got two million followers, basically. This is wild. This is wild.

Kevin Hart meme. That is wild. They just buy followers. That's you. What's the click on the Kevin Hart meme? I can't. It's a screenshot, but it says, like, face up and make my baby, my deadbeat. Dad celebrates Father's Day.

Damn. Nothing to do Father's Day. Damn. Nothing to do with Kevin. Right. I showed you guys this the other day. There's a meme template site. You can pay like five bucks a month, and it will just start generating AI memes, and you can just pick the best ones out of that. Wait.

So what's the benefit of creating the fights? Who's paying for that? The rush is. Rush is. To get us fighting with each other? Yes. China. The idea is, I had HR McMaster on. The Russia is. To get us fighting with each other? Yes. The idea is...

I had H.R. McMaster on. Yeah. What was his gig? Secretary of Defense? National Security Advisor. We met out in the hallway. Yeah, I just shook his hand. I also went to West Point. I let him know I was a bit of a West Pointer myself. Terrible shirt. Amazing guy. Yeah, he looked like a table

club. But he was discussing how they don't give a fuck who wins the election. They just want us to fight. If Clinton won, the narrative was Clinton stole it from Trump. Everybody's going to get mad. If Trump won, they changed the narrative to he would have won the popular vote, but Clinton stole the popular vote.

What's the appeal? To get people to have no faith in our system. If we're all over the place, we can't be focused on one enemy or anything. Exactly. So they're dividing us. Look, China is united under the CCP. Russia is united under Putin.

That's the guy running shit, and then Xi Jinping is rolling shit over there. The Troll Farm page also combined to form the largest Christian American page on Facebook. 20 times larger than the next largest. What? 20 times? Reaching 75 million US users monthly. 95% of whom had never followed any of the pages. So these fucking people have enormous success with this shit.

An African American page. The largest African American page on Facebook. Three times larger than The second largest. Three times larger than the next largest, reaching 30 million users monthly, 85% of whom had never followed any of the pages. Any of what pages? Any of the pages that are following them. So it's like they're unique pages.

They're not connected. The second largest Native American page. The fifth largest women's page. They're not subscribing to a whole, I think it's, they're not subscribing to a block of things. They just pick that because it's the most successful of the Christian pages or the most successful

of the African American pages. So they're getting all the news from this Christian site, from this African American site, from this women's page. Yeah, well a lot of people

are getting all their, that's their community and the community is literally set up by a troll farm. To get them angry about whatever. Yeah,

about everything. I mean, there's like fucking, there's southern separatists Like keep Confederate confederate fake things like well. Yeah, that's a good point. It's like they're not they there's no they Trying to get people fighting about she could be getting tricked by this shit But it could also be the same thing about like when they got us into Iraq and they were like they hate our freedom Yeah, it's exactly like we know Russia just want us to fight maybe russia they definitely fuck they no no no no no they definitely want us to and this is well documented this is not like

there's a few instances they know the agency it's called the internet research agency it's in russia people have worked there and left they've taken photographs they've had detailed discussions of it they but the thing is like they can do it because you don't know if it's them or if it's a real person. So it's like, it doesn't matter if you know that they're real. You have to actually research every account instead of just reading it and moving on. Good luck! How the fuck could you know?

Well played, Russia. But if you ever see people saying horrible shit and then you check their link and it's like they have one follower or zero followers, it's either a person's burner account or it might be a troll. Damn. And they're getting people riled up over shit they normally wouldn't even weigh in on. 19. And then we stew over it all day. I read that shit.

Oh, everyone's talking about this. Like, who's the everyone? It's everyone commenting on a no one. Right. 19 of the top 20 Christian sites on Facebook. Wow. Man. Run by troll farms.

So they're literally engineering arguments. When those what's it called guys came on here? What's it called guys? What's that Jamie? That's the 19 of the 20. They're right here. So those are the ones. So guideposts is the one to be trusted. All of these are fake. Shout out guideposts. Jesus my lord.

Fake. It's legit. All those other ones Can we be called guideposts? are run by troll farms. Look at this. Guideposts. Look at this image. Look at all those ones ones are run by troll farms. Look at this. Guy posts. Look at this image. Look at all those ones that are run by troll farms. Be happy, enjoy life. Jesus is my Lord. You can't speak loudly. It's all just programming.

They're just finding these people. Light a candle for a lost one. A lost loved one. Well played, Russia. Well played. This is wild Yeah but maybe They're just trying To get clicks My baby daddy ain't shit

Is number one Look at that That's theirs My baby daddy ain't shit Is theirs Essence is real And it's a troll farm That's number two

That's real Essence The root Source magazine But isn't that wild My baby daddy ain't shit Is number one Troll farm

You gotta hand it to them For getting all the lingo right Yeah They do their research Good marketing There's trolls that I know I follow on Instagram My baby daddy ain't shit is number one. You got to hand it to them. We're getting all the lingo right. Yeah. They do their research. Good marketing. There's trolls that I know I follow on Instagram, but they post good stuff. Well, Nick Mullins was one of the best of all time. Nicole Mullins.

What's that? Nicole Mullins. What happened? He was just writing as a mommy blogger for a while. It was Nick Mullins. It would get people angry at him, but it was just like, you're not mommying right. It was great. It was Nick Mullin. It would get people angry at him, but it was just like, you're not mommying right. Because she was a little bit more Republican. It was great.

It was amazing. You got to get that in while you can. Yeah. Because mind reading's around the corner. We're about 50. You think? Yeah. 50 days away from mind reading.

That's not good. I won't be allowed on the playground. It's 100% going to happen. They're going to introduce some sort of a thing that they put in your head. Like Elon Musk wants to do Neuralink. Clock mirror. They're going to do something along those. They're going to do it because a thing that they put in your head like Elon Musk wants to do neural link clock mirror They're gonna do something along those they're gonna do it because it's gonna make it better like you got your eyeballs lasered Yeah, they're gonna have some new thing when they inject some bacteria into it They go, you know, this is a good but wouldn't you rather see through buildings and they're gonna do something to your fucking head

And they're gonna you're gonna be able to instantly access the fucking blueprints for the building You'll know as you're walking. You'll see it in AR. You'll fall behind if you don't have it. It'll show you upstairs. I can see that. What doors lock? What doors open?

I like the faith. Where's the bathroom? I like the faith you have in humanity. You're going to see wire forms of humans walking back and forth. That would ruin comedy. What are you talking about? You go to the show, they know where the punchline's going. We'll find new comedy.

We'll find psychedelic comedy. Comedy only for people who trip. Unplug comedy. Yeah, man. When's the last time you guys tripped? It's been a while for me. Why? I guess you're busy.

Too busy. So you don't think that people are going to be able to figure out something that does that? Or you think we'll kill ourselves? You don't think so? I agree. It goes fast. What do you think happens? A hot war?

Or do you think... Hot war? What's a hot war? It's a real war. Real war. China or Russia. Like a hot war. Like with guns.

Like Cold War. No, no. It'd be with nuclear weapons. Yeah, we're not going to do it. I hope not. That would be a real bummer. Mutually assured destruction is scary, but there's some people that are old that are president.

Sorry. I mean, if you have some people that are old that are president. Ari? If you have the ability, come on, for real. If you have the ability. I mean, how much power does the president really have? Like if Biden wakes up and cleans his face and goes, I think I need to bomb somebody. No. He can't do it, right? So how many people have to be there to say yes?

Like how many people were involved in like Hiroshima and Nagasaki? How many people made those decisions? Good question. 20 at least. Yeah, it was a small amount. That was a secret. Yeah, the pilot had to say yes or no. Imagine how bad that would fuck with you for the rest of your life.

Oppenheimer said he was ruined mentally after the bomb. Really? Because he invented it. You know the name of that plane? Enola Gay? Presidential decision-making atomic bomb. In 1945, the decision to use the bomb lay ultimately in the hands of President Truman. So it was his decision.

That's heavy. I put who was the decision-makers, and that's the answer it gave us. So it was just, well, do we do it, Mr. Truman? And he goes his decision. That's heavy. I put who was the decision makers and that's the answer it gave us. So it was just, well, do we do it, Mr. Truman? And he goes, let's fucking do it. Damn. I think it's time.

That saved lives. But the guy who pressed that button and let that fucker go. Yeah. And he watched it. Because he was in a goddamn plane. He had to do a fucking Yui. He had to go up and over

to get away from the blast. And that's those bullshit planes. Yeah. Those propeller ass planes. One thing that you would like. The Enola Gay. Look at that thing. Hey, the Enola Gays.

Yeah. Enola. Hold on. One thing I was thinking. Go ahead. Can you imagine being alive when there was never anything like that before? And if you got to think about when this happened, was it 1947 when we dropped the bombs? How many people were on that plane?

I thought it was like two people and that's it. No, they packed it in. Man, flying was like 40 years old. Flying was younger than you, Ari. Wow. You're older than me. Why am I? You're 46.

You look brutal. You're 46. For your age, you're not doing great. What are you, 47? So if you think about when they first figured out how to fly versus when they dropped a bomb out of it. How much time do you think they, let's just guess right here. How much time do you think they spent from the time they invented the plane until they dropped a bomb out of it? From North Carolina.

20 years. Atomic bomb. 20 years. No, more. No, it's atomic bomb. When was Kitty Hawk? When was North Carolina? I'm trying toomic bomb 20 years No more No no It's atomic bomb When was Kitty Hawk What was North Carolina I'm trying to think

That was probably The Wright Brothers The Wright Brothers Yeah No no no It was 18 After the turn of the century It was film right

Because they filmed it It's like 08 We have the internet I'm going to say 12 Give it a go 1912 Shane acts like he knows for sure Wait

Wait Wright Brothers Close What's the date you said? By the time they dropped a bomb? No, the first plane. Kitty Hawk. I think that was probably like 08? I'm gonna go 09.

I said 012. 1895. Oh, you're an animal. Okay, let's see what we got. 2003. Sorry, what? 1903. Jesus Christ. 1903. Not bad. They were dropping bombs in World War I That's what they said

So ten years later they were up in the fucking plane dropping shit out Right, you're right Ten years You're right What do you mean ten years? No, ten years for the first dropping bombs They were dropping grenades Actual bombs

They were dropping spikes in World War I So It's only 40 years Once they got up there, like, what should we throw? Why not drop a brick? But how wild is that Only 40 years And they're dropping

Nuclear bombs out of a plane That's how we operate baby That is fucking wild We get it moving No planes at all And then nuclear bombs They're gonna make a trap door At the bottom

Right away Are they gonna make Planes electric Yeah Right What are they waiting for on that No they do They have a company

That's making them They think they can fly hundreds of miles. Let's get those Delta prices down. Yeah, it'd be nice. Some of them think they can make it to a couple thousand miles eventually. Ooh. Well, we haven't had a hot war between two top GDP countries since the nuke. Look at that statistic.

1913 is the first time they dropped bombs. Wow. That was quick. They got it in. It wasn't even 10 years. Because of the nuke, world leaders are like, we don't need hot wars. That was 8 years.

Look at that plane that they did it with. Go back so you can see the plane they did it with. That's not it. What's the plane? I was trying to start to look because doesn't. That's not it. That's not it? That's not it. Fuck no. Oh, what is the, what's the plane? I was trying to start a look because it says it's an aerial bomb. Like a biplane? And so they have other bombs that they were using back then. Guys, that voice you're hearing is Jamie Vernon.

He's a popular part of this podcast. The guy who drove these planes were just ballsy as hell to be up there like that. Look at that thing. How about standing on one of them? They didn't have a fucking mask on. I mean, they didn't have anything over their head. They got a scarf. How about standing on one of them? They didn't have a fucking mask on. I mean, they didn't have anything over their head. They got a scarf. Awfully cold.

They got a scarf and that's it. Isn't that wild? Dude, they were out there exposed. And now we have women pilots. In commercials. It wasn't even in commercials. It wasn't even under glass. Yeah, it was just out.

Their face was out there in the wind. It's like paper. Look at that wing. That looks like a bird. It, it was just out. Their face was out there in the wind. It's like paper. Look at that wing. That looks like a bird. It does. Look at that. They're trying to mimic it off a bird, so they assume it lasts longer.

Look at that. The WAPs. Bicycle tires. The WAPs did it first. Really? How many of those dudes died because they flew into birds? A couple. Just, pow.

Ow. That's how they were? A bunch. Shelly barely got out. Look at him holding a bomb in the bottom middle. Oh, wow. Holding a bomb that dropped with his hands. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah.

They had a bucket of bombs. Like, literally, like railroad spikes. Wow. They would just drop them into the trenches. They'll kill you. They did wild shit. Just to drop them on people? Yeah, just...

Oh, my God. That would kill one guy, though. Oh, for sure. Yeah. You got to drop it on a house. That was a big thing in World War I. Going fast. They bombed like

the Italian naval fleet. With like cannonballs? It was just an air force blew up a naval fleet. Did you see that picture I put on my Instagram of the Battle of Waterloo? The guy who got hit in the chest with a cannonball? Was it a hole through his chest?

It's just the armor that he had on in the Battle of Waterloo. I found it. I had a fucking post-mortem. To the fucking right titty. Through him? Oh, yeah. Right through his whole body.

Oh, my God. Cannonball. It's like a hole. I know. Obviously, I was looking it up. Like the size of a fucking bowling ball through homeboy's chest. Oh, no. Yeah.

Oh, damn. So he's wearing this thing that can stop arrows, and he gets hit in the fucking chest with a bowling ball. Well, no, they weren't worried about arrows at fucking Waterloo. Why was he even wearing that? Yeah, you're right. 1815, they had muskets, right? Why was he even wearing that?

Yeah, Waterloo was, I mean, that was insane. Dead musket. But the cannonball was obviously the big move. Why was he wearing that? Because there was a lot of shit that could protect you from. Beautiful armor. Yeah. That would have helped with bullets. Probably. Underarm. From wearing that? Because there was a lot of shit that could protect you from. Beautiful armor. Yeah. That would have helped with bullets.

Underarmor. From a distance? Yeah, from a distance. Those bullets, they weren't that fast. Waterloo. Yo, you ever see that insane guy start ranting? Steve Spiros? Jamie, the gang's going to want to see this.

Is that a photo? Let me see it. What year is this? 1815. Oh, wow. Damn. Templar time. They just. Oh, wow. Damn. Damn. They would shoot cannonballs into people.

Yeah, they would. Cannons, that's a, what a wild weapon. I know. You've got a giant metal thing that you're going to pull around. You've got to get a horse to pull it. You get into position. You're basically lighting a bomb. Yeah. And it launches a ball of lead through people.

Just a ball. It didn't blow up the ball. Yeah, it did. It just hits hard. Yeah. And it launches a ball of lead through people. Just a ball. It didn't blow up the ball. Yeah, it did. No, it just hits hard. Yeah, they figured that out. They blew it up? Yeah. And then if you got close, they would make it canister shot, which was basically a giant

shotgun. Wow. With lead balls that were like golf balls that are like- Oh my God. Fucking 15 pounds. You can't believe how heavy it is. Yeah. Just a hundred golf balls would explode out. Oh my and that was technology back then that was high-end

still is that's a that's a claymore now I was listening that's what they use listen claymore is Dan Carlins hardcore history was talking about how the Mongols would light dead bodies on fire and launched them on catapults under thatched roofs light people's house on fire was a flaming dead guy. Where do you use every part of the buffalo? If somebody had disease in your camp. The catapults are insane. We would launch you, dude.

Oh, yeah. I'd be launched. Guys, can we talk? Nah, you're right. The trebuchet. They would just stand there back then to show their courage. How dumb is that?

All I think is back then, how many people were just shitting themselves? How many people were like, I don't want to be here. This sucks, but I got to do it. You had to do it. Everybody. Everybody.

Look at that image. Pull that image back again. Look at that. Blew apart those legs. That's from the Patriot. I remember that scene. That's right. That's right.

Of course it's from a movie, dude. Oh, fuck that. Good point. No, this is real. This is somebody from the Revolutionary War. They filmed this. You had to stand still. Look, they shot at each other, and everybody had to stand still, and they all got shot.

It's the dumbest way to fight ever. Next up? Yeah. Well, it was just the technology out-advanced the style. Run at them. But what would happen if you bailed? Like, I got to go. That's Red Badge of Courage.

Is that what that is? That's all. That's what that's about. I got to watch that. I've never seen it. Well, you got to read it. Oh, the head just pops off. Watch that head come off.

Watch this. I'll watch it. Oh, my God. Whatever happened to Heath? Watch this. He passed away. What? He was just a Batman.

He was a hunk. No, Heath was the Joker, and he died of a drug overdose. Whoa. What? He died a long time ago. Probably got the booster. He did take the booster. He took too many boosters.

A lot of boosters. Speed booster. He was a fucking amazing Joker, huh? He was. A lot of boosters. Speed booster. He was a fucking amazing joker, huh? He was. What a way to go. I think he was the best one. He sets up that pencil on the desk. Really?

I think he was the best one. You don't think Joaquin Phoenix is the best one? No. Nah, he got too introspective and emotional. When did you start supporting communism? When I started supporting communism? Is this the Riddler now? Oh, it's the new Riddler?

Yeah. Riddler? I saw someone said it's one of Kanye's fall lineup. It looks like Antifa. I believe it's Paul Dano. Dano's good. The new Riddler. He's good.

He looks like the mask. He looks like a lesbian, but he's good. But it's very Watchmen-y looking, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It's too dark now. It's the Zodiac Killer. He looks exactly like the Zodiac. But in this new world, they don't have superpowers.

No, it's the penguin. Penguin? Really? I forget who that is. Colin Farrell? Yeah, it's Colin Farrell. DeVito. What?

Oh, with some crazy suit on? From SNL? Wow. Looks like Weinstein. Kind of. Colin Farrell rules. Cool jacket. He's a hunk.

He is a hunk, dude. Irish hunk. Those are rare. You guys are ugly. I watched The Watchmen again the other night. Yeah. I've seen them. What the fuck is your problem? Yeah. Have ugly I watched The Watchmen Again the other night Yeah I've seen them Which the fuck is your problem?

Yeah Have you guys seen The Watchmen? I can't get into it When was the last time you watched it? I read it I've watched it I've seen it probably Three or four times

As have I I'm a fan I watched it again the other night Like a couple weeks ago And I was like They couldn't make this movie today Really? Why not?

Oh it's so wild It's crazy There's a lot of racism in there What? There's a lot There's all kinds of stuff. There's murder. There's a comic book The good guys are murderers real rapists. It's it's a crazy movie. I watched I was like woo I'm now the scene with the pregnant lady. Like I don't want to give up anything like holy fuck man. Miscarriage. No, no, no Or when Rorschach finds the fucking kids. Oh my God. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I can't wait. Oh, Jesus Christ. That sounds awesome. There's so many scenes in that movie, like, what the fuck? Rorschach is the best. Everybody is so flawed, and Dr. Manhattan is the shit. And he's so autistic. They're like, can you just be chill?

Can you be cool? And his penis is reasonable. It's a hell of a dong. Oh, they show it? But his body's perfect. Reasonable for his size. Yeah. He could have easily made himself a hanger.

He could if he wanted to. He was appropriate. Dr. Manhattan should get some credit for having an appropriate You remember that one scene where there was eight of them pleasing the girl

and he was over doing physics? I thought you liked this. Wait, is that him? Yeah, he gave himself that eight pack. He looks like Mr. Freeze. Oh, he looked amazing. But he was like a CGI guy.

He didn't seem like a real person. There was some sort of a radiation experiment, and he was killed, and then his body recomposed, and it recomposed as Dr. Manhattan. It's amazing. That's the other Dr. Manhattan on the TV show. Do you see the new Watchmen on HBO?

That's what I'm saying. That guy right there. It's okay, but that guy seems like a human. Yeah, he does. He's in the blue man. He's choosing to make himself a human. Dr. Manhattan glows. Look at the one to the left of that.

Now, click on that link. We couldn't get rid of the blue. See, that's Dr. Manhattan. He's also supposed to be preposterously shredded. Show it from the comic book, though. Show it from the original. Looks like that. Is that the comic book? Where's this proportional penis I've been hearing about? No, but see if you can find it in the comic book, though. Show it from the original. Looks like that. Oh, is that the comic book?

What's this proportional penis I've been hearing about? No, but see if you can find it in the comic book. I'm trying to look. I think that's it from the comic book there in the lower left-hand corner. I see a black guy. Let's see if they show more. Well, that was... Yeah, he was super...

Yeah, right there, the middle right there. Click on that. Yeah, so he's super jacked. Super jacked and tall. Oh, he's not jacked. Super jacked and he... Well, that's true. But I guess they probably added that. The only real superhero in Watchmen. Oh, he's not jacked. He's not glowing. And he, well, that's true. But I guess they probably added that.

The only real superhero in Watchmen. Everyone else is just playing a superhero. Oh, really? Yeah. The rest had no powers. That's true. You give it away. That's a good point.

Yeah. But no, that guy in the right, the far right, with the gold hat, he can move real quick. Oh, the smart guy? Yeah. That cuss. And they all have like, they're very fast guys. Smart guy. What kind of powers do these?

A lot of these guys move really fast. Move fast? Come on. Yeah, like preposterously fast. So do Filipinos. They're just willing to take a punch and punch back. Is that it? They have no mercy.

It's really, really ridiculous. There's only, you got one superhero. It's like the Avengers. You got one superhero. If the Avengers, if everybody was Hawkeye. It was real. This is 59? That old?

No, no, no. That's when the comic book started out. Really? What? Yeah. It's an old ass comic book, man. But it's so dark.

It's so dark. Yeah, but I think it's the movie adaptation that's so dark. I see. No, no, I just read it a couple years ago. It's dark.

It's like one of the guys I was in Vietnam and I was raping people. Oh, 86. Why'd I get 59? Because that's when the nuclear accident happened in the Commonwealth. Got it.

Got it. Okay, okay, okay. So 86. Might as well be 59. The 80s are fucked up. The 80s are the most fucked up. Remember RoboCop? I was in high school.

RoboCop is fucking dark. It is dark. I just rewatched it. It's brutal. Let's see what happens. Not one black guy was killed. Really? Total recall? Total recall was fucked up. Total recall was crazy. It's brutal. Let's see what happens. Not one black guy was killed. Ah. Really? Total recall?

Total recall was fucked up. Total recall was crazy. Three tits. Yeah. Three tits was great. What would you guys do with three tits? Would you suck them? I'd lick them all.

You would lick all the tits. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, break. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, break. That'd be fun if one was whole skim and almond. Soy. Soy, that's better. Now, I wanted to show you guys a video of this guy, Spaz, and it's a very old video, but it's classic.

It's kind of like the video you sent in the group text about the lady that was like, motherfucker. Oh, that crazy lady. That lady rules. Hold on, you're going to love this guy. You have to have seen it. How funny was that lady? Steve Spiros.

This is a classic internet video. They're just like, hey, we're here for this week in fashion. What's your name? And he just goes. It's incredible. Who's Spiros? That's his name. Steve Spiros, easy going.

I don't know that. What are you saying? It's coming. No, I'm speaking a lot of gibberish. You're going to explain. Do you have a stroke? JMO? No, no, no.

I'm trying to find the right video so I don't get the wrong one. You better make this whole. That's a lot of memes about this guy. Steve Spiros is king. Is he the one that's like, nobody stop me? Yes. With the sticks? That guy's great.

He has two sticks. Waterloo. Waterloo. This guy? No. This is crazy. You can't get the right one, dude. Uh-oh.

What's happening here? Why are you on Twitter? Why are you on Twitter? Linking to his account. Steve Spiros? Easy going? Easy going. Steve Spiros's easy going. Easy going. Steve Spiro's easy going.

J-Mo didn't sign up for this. No, Steve Spiro's easy going. This is Ole Miss, dude. This is Ole Miss football. What is it? No, Steve Spiro's easy going. I wanted to show you guys a funny video. No, no.

Hey, I love a funny video. Steve Spiro. Oh, did this old place. Oh, this is a classic. Did this old one get canceled? Yeah, you got to start from the beginning, dude. All right. What's your name? There it is. My name. Oh, let is a classic. Does this old one get canceled? You got to start from the beginning. What's your name? There it is. My name? Oh, let me tell you my name.

I'm confused because you know, like we're supposed to believe in the ministry, right? So is the church and state supposed to be separate? I'm confused because I never went to school. Right? Is a confused person get a resolution? state's supposed to be separate i'm confused because i never went to school right is a

confused person get a resolution i don't understand you see when you go like that right you have a cross two sticks right and that's how i felt when i was in waterloo because when i walked in waterloo and smiled at people, they treated me like a vampire. They used the cross and they went like this by not smiling at me. In Toronto, hey, hi guys, you know me, Steve Spiros, easy going. Those who know me, I'm a nobody. You understand? And you can't kill a person with no body.

Oh, that's mental illness. So, why am I afraid? Who was her deal? What was she looking for? I'm afraid of the boogeyman. Who's the boogeyman? She's great. You figure it out.

Who's the boogeyman? You figure it out. Is this guy have more than one video or just this one? This is it. And I'm going to wear my sunglasses at night. You know why? Because women show their tits have short skirts and then they feel violated when I look at them ah why because I have sunglasses

on and I'm weird whoa I'm from Humberside I'm sorry if I made a fool of Humberside but I'm awake. Now I'm going back to sleep because I can be committed in an isolation room because I'm going to go back to the ministry and allow them to perceive me as I am. I'll fuck up. This guy will be doing stand-up in a week. Hey, Toronto the Good, look at this square. It was a shithole when I worked here.

Now it looks like New York Manhattan. Where is it? There's no bomb. Toronto doesn't have bombs. You can't take your eyes off. But Waterloo, they're creating bombs. They created me. Why?

I don't know. Maybe it's the church. Talk to the Pope. He knows everything. I have it. I'm going to die. Talk to me.. Talk to the Pope. He knows everything. I had it. I'm going to die. Talk to me. You're dead.

Oh, wait a second. I'm going to be crucified, right? Whoa. I'm not going to raise my voice. What the fuck? I just wanted you guys to take a look at that. Man, I didn't see that coming. What the fuck?

That's a real joke. I'm not going to raise my voice I can't stop saying it I'm going back to Waterloo No idea what he was talking about That guy could be the new Cash Me Outside girl Someone just has to find him That was just 10 years ago He should be on your mom's house

That lady was in the pocket as an interviewer, letting him make a fool of himself, holding him for so long. Good for her. She was amazing. Well, at first he sounded like he knew what he was talking about. She was like, what's your name? And he's like, what's my name? And then he just went, and then it took a second to be like, oh shit, this guy's out of his fucking mind. She never falters with that. She looks at

the cameraman eventually. She's a solid pro. Solid. She kept it together. This place looks like cameraman like, yo. She's a solid pro. Solid. She kept it together. This place looks like New York Manhattan. That's the best. He just looks so normal. If you saw that guy on the street, you'd be like, that's an upstanding citizen. I'm not even thinking twice.

Yeah, you would never think he's insane. But he's fired up because girls are showing their tits. I wonder what ever happened to him. But then if you look at him, they're mad at me cuz I'm weird. That's why I wear sunglasses. Yeah that's gotta be a bummer dude just walking around in sunglasses staring at ladies tits they get mad. Ah they don't know. Sunglasses are the pervs like chief. The three of us were walking today and when we went on that path.

You know what I don't like about Austin is there's hot men jogging on that river path. Sorry. And then I'm walking by with my fat tits. We went into the Vulcan last night. A chick gave Shane the eyes. Yeah, that's right. And then today we were walking.

It was insane. Insane. Today we're, neither of us, for sure it's Shane. Then today, we were walking. It was insane. Insane. Today we're, neither of us, for sure Shane, that today some dude staring at Shane the same way. Same way. You got Austin Hots.

Yeah. Well, you look like you're on the football team or something. The girl in the alley that we saw, that was great. I even looked at you guys like, did you see that? He looks like a pit master. Yeah. That's right. He's got the best baby back ribs.

You can change a tire quick, right? He's got the best baby back ribs. You could change a tire quick, right? You go to Shane for baby back ribs. You should have seen the way this lady- I caught it. It was so obvious. I looked at you guys like, what's happening here? Was that at you guys? No, it was not.

I think she was like, don't hurt me. I think she was trying to avoid the old alley rape. So she gave it the- It might have been like she was like, there's the guy. That's the first one. Keep my eye on him. Right. The other two are weak.

He's the fattest. He's going to lose his mind. Right, right. Maybe she had a craving for corned beef and cabbage. She's like, this motherfucker know how to get something. There you go. I just have to have the courage to ask him. You're lucky I'm not as rude to you as you are to me.

And I want you to count your blessings right now. All right? All right. That's the Bud Light talking Light talking damn look at that pile of jewels this is nothing this podcast should be called the 10 Bud Light podcast as soon as he gets to 10 I got it. BLMs. Budlights matter? BLMs. Budlight men. Budlight men. Budlight men.

BLMs. But wait, in the car you guys said you guys were going to drink with me today. I'm drinking. I'm in, man. You've been doing nothing, dude. You've been tripping. I had a couple scotches here. Two scotches, four beers. Come on, man.

Plus there's some meth on the bathroom. He's one of those guys that doesn't think you're as drunk as him. You guys got to be fucking drunker. They got high. Me? Why are you drunker? I don't talk about you like that. You guys are high.

Yeah, we're both high. True, true. That's a good point that this guy's negating. It's in other stuff. You think I go to the bathroom not for coke? Ari and I are way more confused than you. What are you guys confused about? Far more.

Yeah, we got obliterated. How many did I take? I took at least four hits. We took a lot of hits. That's crazy. They're high out of their minds. He thought I was Brendan Schaub. That weed is... Oh, you're still into it.

I'm waiting. We think we can take you. Three of us. Maybe. Oh, you're still into it. I'm waiting. We think we can take you. No, that's not the plan. Three of us. That's not the plan. All three? Maybe. I saw those leg kicks you posted.

You think all three of us? Maybe Jamie might need to help. It depends on how close you are to me. It depends if you're waiting for it or not. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what the plan was. Three of you jumped me at the same time. The plan was a problem.

There's not hope. You already fucking said it. No, no, no, no. You're blowing it. No, you blew it. You said it. You can't. There's no fucking sneak attack

if you're like, hey, we need... You know what's really sad? There's people alive that all four of us plus Jamie would be fucked. Yeah.

And we could not take them? No. If the mountain was in the room with us, the mountain from Game of Thrones... You don't think we could all take them? No. No. No, no, no. You don't think... Even if we knew we were going to lose a couple don't think we could all take him? Nope. No. No, no, no. You don't think, even if we

knew we were going to lose a couple of us, we couldn't take him? Nope. No. We could. I think once he crushes Norman's head, just like he did that guy with the spear. We'd get scared. That bisexual guy, remember that guy? Yeah. He grabs his eyeballs. Once he does that to Norman, we're like, oh no, this is

real. Yeah. We would have to have the rage in us or something. No. All five of us couldn't take Judy Gold. She got me. Oh, that's great. One-on-one, she got me. She's the mountain. Shall we wrap this bitch up?

Should we do dates? What should we do? Let everybody know you want to pee? Look at him lower his neck like a fucking brown belt. You said you were going to come in with me. You said you were going to do it. I did. Good luck.

I got the neck. Get in there. You put the chin down quick. That was good instincts. He didn't even pick his arms up. This is enough for you to stop. You know how many times I've been choked? Damn.

The joke was going to be we were obviously going to hang you out to dry. I figured that. It's not a good place to fight. There's a lot of cords. I thought you were going to throw me on the table or something. That would have been better video. Why? I wasn't concerned.

He didn't even move his hands. Touche. He was in a casual pose with his hands the entire time. It was a light grip. You knew you were safe. It depends on who's grabbing your neck. That's the guy. Dude, shut your fucking belly.

Shut your mouth hole. What are you talking about? He's 8,000 pounds. Looks like Shane from the neck down. He does. That guy probably weighs 500 pounds. That guy's got a Rasputin. Wonder what he really weighs.

He's lost a lot of weight because he's shredded now. He got down because he's going to box this guy, Eddie Hall. And they have this big boxing match they've've been playing it for a long time. So along the way, he's lost a shit ton of weight, and he took up boxing. Go to that picture. Damn. Yeah.

Look at what he looks like now. No, I couldn't take him there. The fat one I could take. Bro, you're not taking. You could definitely take him. Thank you. Yeah. You would lose to everybody.

Thank you for your first statement. All right. Thank you for your first statement. All right. You would literally lose to everybody we know. You don't think I use my intelligence to fight these fights? You're not that smart. Jake Paul could beat him.

You're dumber than you think. You don't have any idea how big this guy is. He's so big. 6'8"? What are we talking? No, I think he's seven feet tall. Really? How tall is he, Jamie?

I'm confused. I have no idea. Let's see how tall he is. Look at this lady. She's little. That's his girlfriend. He's old. What?

Lewis Gomez could take him. Lewis Gomez could take him? I think he's bigger than 6'5". Really? I think he's like 6'10 or something crazy. Holy shit. Yeah. He should be called the mountain.

Yeah. I think he's something crazy. It's something. 13 cans tall. What is that? I don't know what that means. But what is his height? Those are big cans, too.

Those are 12, 16 ounces. Tall boys. What? Oh, we lost the TV. He was sparring with McGregor, and it was insane. Really? That was funny. Just like as a joke, but they were sparring.

He didn't know what to do. I'd love to see that. And it literally looked like a child. Six foot nine. Six nine. So he's basically the same size as Tyson Fury. Oh, yeah. That's how tall Tyson Fury is.

We'd have to be surprised at that. And what's funny is Tyson Fury would maul that dude. You think? 100%. If they boxed. If they boxed, yeah. A thousand percent. Tyson Fury would destroy that that dude. You think? If they boxed. A thousand percent. Tyson Fury would destroy that guy. But he could pick him up and put him in a headlock.

Listen, if Tyson Fury lost that fight, you would go to Tyson Fury and go, you owe me money, motherfucker. Oh, there they are. Yeah, look at the size of them. You'd go, you threw that fight, bitch. Tyson Fury's body. Isn't that funny? Tyson Fury's body is gross.

Why doesn't he make an effort? That's a bird body. He's the greatest fighter of all time. I don't trust it. Look at those love handles. He's doing good. In argument to be one of the greatest heavyweights of all time. Is that right?

Yeah. A honky. That was him when he was really fat, though, before he got back in shape. Gross. Because he got to over 300 pounds. He got super fat. You know what I don't like is your disdain for overweight people. They should die.

Really? Yeah. They're going to get COVID. The baddest guy that's ever lived, he's got super fat. You know what I don't like is your disdain for overweight people. They should die. Really? Yeah, they're going to get COVID. The baddest guy that's ever lived, he's got a dad bod. I mean, even when he's in the ring in full perfect shape, like he's right there. I mean, that's not the best body. That's better than he looks in the ring. In the ring, he spills out of his trunks. It depends on what fight, but yeah, in some of the fights.

Where's Tyson Fury from? England. England. He's the Gypsy King. We couldn't even claim him. Bro, he's the fucking man. England, huh? He's the man.

That guy is so good. When he figured out Deontay Wilder in the last round of the first fight, and then he continued that strategy into the second fight, just annihilated him, and then he said he was going to do it. He said he's going to stop him and knock him out, and everybody's like, there's no way you're going to knock him out. He's only 33 years old. You know what's funny? There was a video of Tyson Fury

singing to... His girlfriend? No, no. Oh, dude, at the end of every fight, he sings so long that the crowd's like, all right, wrap it up. Walking in Vegas. Billy McCusker, what up? But there's a video of him singing with his kids, and he's singing Notorious B.I.G.,

and he's like, if you don't know, now you know, and he says it. Oh, wow. But then Twitter got a hold of it, and everybody that was black on Twitter was like, look, we sent our best guy Adam he's so unusual because he's like literally from a band of travelers yeah really really is a father was a fucking bare-knuckle box father's a giant gorilla father's a giant gorilla, too. What about a holocaust? They're both giant dudes. His dad's not 6'9", but he might be 6'4", 6'5".

He's a huge, huge guy. The whole family's just giant. So they grew up scrappy. Oh, yeah. Well, it's a part of their culture, man. Bare-knuckle boxing other fucking giants. Really? Yeah.

Bare-knuckle. There's a whole world in England that's bare-knuckle boxing gypsies. Whoa. I mean, you ever see Snatch? Snatch, yeah. Except it's real. Except theypsies. Whoa. I mean, you ever see Snatch? Snatch, yeah. Except it's real. Except they're monsters. Whoa.

It's not Brad Pitt's shredded ass. And they send their best out. There's plenty of videos online of travelers having boxing matches. Really? And they fuck a dog like this. You're a fucking bag of shite. He's a fucking bag of shite. Mark Norman doesn't have a fucking chance with me.

I'll knuckle him up inside a horn round. Man, how good was Brad Pitt in Snatch? Amazing. If you get punched once bare knuckled, you're fucked. You like the eggs? No, not necessarily. It depends on where you hit a guy. Have you been in a fight?

You fucking... We'll see. Damn. If you get hit on the forehead, you're propped. It depends on who punches you. For being too jacked. A lot of guys, when they punch you bare knuckle on the forehead, they break their fucking hands. Oh, yeah, like that movie. Really?

Happens all the time, man. What's this? It's this fucking smash. This movie is incredible. What is this? Oh, that's the guy. That guy was like the world champion. So this movie is about... I hate this man. I hate this man. It's two families that hate each other.

There's a rivalry. Yeah. Wow. In these years year you gotta hear something Until one man gives up and they would fight in the street I just wanna go fight James He's subtitles So there's all these videos these guys made, like challenge videos. Leave me alone. Let me get on with my life.

Leave me alone. I'm done with this fighting. Irish travelers? Yeah. Well, you know, you have to have kind of a different style to be a bare-knuckle guy. And you have to be huge, apparently. A lot of these guys are big as fuck. That guy's old.

Yep. When's this coming out? Bumfights. It already came out. Oh, really? I'd love to see this. You gotta watch it. They interview the guys in the trailers.

It's fucking hilarious. They all live in caravans. Whoa. And that's how they want to live, too. But they're so big. How do they fit? They barely fit. He does heavy training.

Look at him. Four nights a week. Is that fake, Jamie? That was fake as shit. Oh, the weights you mean? Yeah. Oh, the stone. It's like 50 pounds. Two stones and two stones.

What is he saying it weighs? One stone, what is it, 13? Yeah. What is he saying it was? One stone was at 13. Yeah. So 25 pounds, I guess. Maybe it's. It's just funny listening to these guys talk. These are real people smoking cigarettes. Fight there.

And each once again, a free to fight. Good fight lasts no longer than 20 minutes. Thin men should be broke up. No Break a man up Damn That's a crazy way To live your life man Yeah right Living out of a trailer

Beating the fuck out of dudes Bare knuckle Man But it's a real thing Those are real people All we got It's like Honey Boo Boo Here's a girl

They're so angry Poke your eyes out See if you can find where Tyson Fury came from. Because his group was this tight. They'd all be defeated by an 80-degree day. They'd be defeated by what? An 80-degree day. One sunny day would take them out.

That's hilarious. Damn. It's cool to exist. Well, it's a wild culture. But they make some great fucking boxers. There's a few good kickboxers that come from there, too. Really? Yeah.

So they must watch Tyson Fury and go nuts. Oh, fuck yeah. Literally, his belt says Gypsy King. Really? Yeah, he's the king. Does he still fight Gypsy or no? What? No chance.

Does he still fight the Gypsy fights? No. Dude, he fights for $90 billion. He fights for $100 million a fight. It's not pride, though. He's the heavyweight champion of the world. Not everywhere. Shut your fucking mouth.

That was him when he was young and handsome. He knew I'd like him. He was handsome. Some kids walk in the gym and they're like, not obviously really. And I've always been like quite good, you know. Mick Hennis has described you as one of the most exciting prospects that he's ever signed.

Well, I thank Mick for that. but I'm here to back him up. And if I don't, then there's a big problem. I've got all the ability and all this. Tyson had a little podcast. He was laying on a couch just talking some shit. About who? And they posted it, and he was like, I don't care. Whoa, that must be fun.

He was saying some wild stuff. I think it was a little bit against your people. Well, he's literally the baddest man on earth. It's not a heavyweight UFC fighter. It just shows that the poorest fucks are the best fighters. Not the poorest, but the most oppressed. Yeah, the rightest. But it's a part of their culture to fight.

It's a normal thing. It's like they relish the opportunity, and it's a great way for men to prove their manhood And they're fucking good at it What if you grow up there and you just want to be a graphic designer Tough shit fuckface Nobody wants to design their album cover Right I just like fashion

It's a fucked up way to make a living Getting punched in the face with bare knuckles Yeah What about a hug Alright the blowjob boys It's a fucked up way to make a living Getting punched in the face with bare knuckles Yeah What about a hug? Alright the blowjob boys BJB Four queefs BLMs

What time's the show? We got a show in an hour Does anybody want to smell some smelling salts? Yes I gotta wake up. You forgot to last time? Guys, Cleveland sold out this weekend. Wait, why are you promoting gigs for smelling smelling salts in the middle of a show?

No, because this is gonna make a video, you fucking idiot. And that video's gonna be everywhere. It's gonna be Cleveland this weekend. Take it back. But it's not Cleveland this weekend when this video goes around. How excited were you for Cleveland sold out? Because Cleveland will be done. My ex had a real stank, tangy veg.

I bet I can take this. No, no, no. You cannot take this. Smelling salts? We'll go with Norman because he's cocky. There's our archfair.com. I'll save him for... Okay.

Save it for later. Ready? Now what is this? Powder? I gotta open it up. No. It's like a crystal. You gotta open it up.

Open it up, but don't throw it at me or anything. I won't throw it. When the smell hits you like a fucking freight train. Watch this. No way. No way. Wait, you don't take it into the train? No, no, no.

Like a freight train. What? No way. What are these used for? Give it to Shane. Give it to Shane. Waking people up when they're knocked out. What?

Waking people up when they're knocked out. No, no, but this specific one is for weightlifting. It smells like my ex. Power lifters. You don't take anything out. Just take a sniff. Go ahead. Ready?

Three, two, one. You got too deep. You went too deep. You went too deep. Holy hell. Look at the hit. Bro, you blew your neck out. There went too deep. Holy hell. Look at the hit. Bro, you blew your neck out. There at the back of my head.

You blew your fucking neck out. My nose bleeding? Have you done this before? Oh, yeah. I did it with Theo. Holy dick. Me and Theo did it the first time. Look at our bigger nose.

Bigger nose. Bigger nose. Stronger. Olfactory senses. The biggest sensei. I bet Ari's like a bloodhound I bet he smells us different I'm tearing up Do you smell us different

Than we smell you do you think? I think probably What the hell And I eat ass But the way he did that I'm like who the fuck How can he do that? Where's the tongue?

I don't know It's down there Bring that over here Give it to daddy I'm snotting I'm snotting Oh I'm snotting. Oh, my God. I didn't hate it.

It stinks so bad. I watched you guys do it. You want it back? I've only done this a couple of times before, but I remember what it's like. Let's see if I've minimized it in my mind. I went too close to the bottle, I think. Go close. You got to take a big hit.

You didn't get in there. You got to get in there. I took a big old hit. You look like you watched my special on Netflix. I was ready for it this time. I was ready for it this time. I wouldn't mind taking another hit, dude. I liked it.

It wakes you up. I feel cleared out. Oh, shit. I had COVID before that. Oh, my God. It killed it. It's so surprising. Yeah.

Right? I didn't think it was like that. It's piercing. Oh, my my god. It killed it. It's so surprising. Yeah. Right? I didn't think it was like that. It's piercing. Oh, my ears popped. It still hurts. It's very shocking. Even though I know it, I've done it already, and you have to keep it in this plastic bag. Shout out to, how do you say

his name, Jamie? The devil. Yeah, right? Yep, you got it. Holy hell. He's a power lifter dude who, this is his product, and it's called Ah, right? Do you move food? Yep, you got it. Holy hell. He's a power lifter dude who, this is his product, and it's called Ah, right? It's called Ah. That's fun. Because that's what you do. You never hear about smelling pepper.

Bro, this stuff is, it wakes you right the fuck up. Damn. I used that for fights. I get a shot after that. Gentlemen, we have a show tonight. How exciting. Great job, guys. I can't go on after that. How exciting. That's good.? Gentlemen, we have a show tonight. How exciting. Great job, guys. I can't go on after that.

How exciting. Let's go do stand-up comedy. Come on, let's have some fun. Hammered. I think Shane Gillis is going to be really funny tonight. I bet you I am. Finally.

I have a feeling he's going to be angry. All right, we did it. Cuddle party. Protect our parks. Come on. Vote online. BLM.

We had a couple go. Tweets of shame because he reads everything. You guys remember them? What were the good ones? Cuddle party. Guy clan. We had a couple good ones. Tweets of shame because he reads everything. You guys remember them? What were the good ones? Cuddle party. Guy clan. Four queefs.

Yeah. Guy clocks clan. Four queefs would be a cup. The meat crew. What was the opposite? Oh, Bushmeat Boys. Bushmeat Boys is pretty good. Bushmeat Boys is good, but now we're just naming a podcast.

Should we name it like it's a podcast? Well, we're doing a podcast, essentially. It seems like when we did the first one, it was so fun to do that we were like, we need to do this more often. Just get hammered, smoke some joints and some cigars. I'm not drunk at all. Yeah, okay. Same. You're sober as a bird, dude.

I can drive. We don't need to name it. We don't need to name it, dude. Naming stuff's fucking corny. Let the internet name us. No. No. Definitely not. We'll internet name us. No. No. Definitely not.

We'll just call it episode two. We'll see you in three months. All right. We'll be back. Anybody else got anything to promote? Or you give up? Phoenix, Denver. There's the gigs.

There we go, Tampa. Cleveland, Phoenix. Nice. Vancouver coming. Nice. Harry? What are you doing in Phoenix? Phoenix doing the Stand Up Live

Nice That's a big room That's a great room Fun one That's a great room Doing Wise Guys at Salt Lake Also

Sold out Me and Norman are doing that together Hell yeah Comedy Party in March You sold out You fucking piece of shit How about you add another show?

We are gonna add another one We're trying to They're trying to add a show We're thinking about another one An early one Oh 3.31 Oh yeah Our tickets are already a show. We're thinking about another one. An early one. A 3.30 one.

Oh, yeah. Our tickets are already sold out. Yeah. Welcome. We're doing, no. Shane and I are going to be at the Irvine Improv. Can't wait. Whoa. The day before the UFC, which is what?

February 21st? Yeah. Right. I thought it was January. Whatever it is. Who's fighting? Anybody fun? Sold out.

Sold out. Francis Ngannou. Whoa. Isn't that like next week? The Gypsy Queen. Hey, I'll be at the Des Moines, Syracuse, Sacramento, Kansas City, Omaha, Columbus. This is how little I pay attention. Fort Wayne, La Jolla, Tampa.

This is next week. Fort Wayne's got no club. This is how little I pay attention. I've been counting down. Yeah, summit. Two days of stories. We might be drunk. Out to lunch on YouTube.

That's Francis Ngannou and Cyril Ghosn, too. That's a big fight. Oh, he's good. They better watch out. I might getou and Cyril Ghosn, too. That's a big fight. Oh, he's good. They better watch out. I might get in there and knock one of those guys out. Black on black crime.

That signifies that he's had the ten jewels. The ten crystals have made it into his system where he thinks he can fight Francis Ngannou. Ten jewels pot.

All right, who's this? This is Shane. This is me. January 13th, Tacoma Comic Club. I heard that place is the shit. Tacoma's great. Good room.

That's through the 15th And then Comedy Connection Boom Providence The vault You got a good list Used to be a bank

You know that Used to be a bank Wise guys Look at you guys Killing it The best clubs Levity Live That's a great place

West Nyack That's a fucking fun gig I used to do that gig Shut the fuck up I'm a cunt. We're going to Sixth Street tonight. All right. Hell yeah.

Good night, everybody. See you soon.