The Joe Rogan Experience - #1773 - Akaash Singh

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

Akaash Singh is a stand-up comedian, podcaster, and actor. You can hear him along with Andrew Schulz on the "Flagrant 2" podcast, and watch his new special, "Bring Back Apu," available now on YouTube.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Hey, how are you doing? Hey, buddy, how are you? I'm good. You're good? You seem good. If you stay offline, it's just real life. Yeah.

You just have to stay offline. And real life is people who know you, and you're a great guy. Yeah, you just, life stay offline and real life is people who know you and you're a great guy Yeah, you just life goes on. Yeah normal You know in a lot of ways like all this is a relief Cuz it's like just because that that video had always been out there right? It's like this is a political hit job And so they're taking all this stuff that I've ever said that's wrong and smooshing all together, right? It's good because it makes me address some shit that I really wish wasn't out there. And you know why I'm proud of you?

Because I think comedians have for years done this immature thing where it's like, we don't apologize. We say whatever we want. You can apologize if you say some wild shit. And we've all said some wild shit. And you apologize and own that it's wrong. Good for you. You should apologize if you regret something.

Yes. This idea that you should never apologize. Yes. Like if you regret something, I don't think there's anything wrong with apologizing. But I do think you have to be very careful to not apologize for nonsense. Correct. Like you see Awkwafina,

she defended I guess she didn't apologize. She sort of defended the way she talks. Yes. And they were saying that it was a black scent. Yeah. Which is, you know, come on, man. Which I probably have one of those. There's a lot of people that have those.

Can I tell you the tricky thing about not being black or white in this country? And we're not victims, but it is tricky because there is a way to, quote unquote, act black. Not that it's good or bad, but there's a black identity and a white identity in America. And the rest of us just kind of have to pick a side. So there's no way for me growing up to act Indian. People used to ask me, why do you always act so black? And I'll be like, buddy, if you can tell me how to act Indian, I'll do it. I swear to God, I was pre-med. I tried, didn't work out. What else can I do? Well, it's like hip hop culture. Yes. You know,

it's like sneakers and rap music and a lot of young kids talk in that sort of jargon. Yeah. And usually we identify with that because it's like, well, we're told, I grew up in a white school and they were like, hey, you're not like us. So I was like, okay, well, I must be like these other guys. And that's why I fell into hip hop and sneakers and all these other things. Well, it's just, it's weird that there's like ways you're allowed to talk. Yeah. It is weird that there's like, if you talk in a certain way like you can't mate like here's a good one This is a neutral one

You can't have a fake southern accent like if I moved from California to Texas and all sudden I started putting on a certain Accent I'd be like what the fuck are you doing man? You can't do that. Can I ask you a question? Yes, when are you gonna move to Texas, Texas, Texas? Texas. You're not in Texas. What's the Texas, Texas? You're in Austin. Austin's great, but it's, people wear cowboy boots, ironically. This is not Texas. You know what I mean? But I love it here.

Oh, you love it, but it's just not Texas. But why do I have to live in Texas, Texas? Because you're a Texan, Joe, in your heart. I know you're a Texan. Oh, you know where you belong? Fort Worth. Oh, Jesus. Fort Worth.

I'm telling you, it's got the fucking rodeo. It's Texan. My wife was just there. And she loved it, didn't she? She was just there, and she sent me pictures. She's like, holy shit, is this Texas? And you felt a calling. No, not really.

No, but I am doing an arena there, and I sold it out in like an hour. I saw that, yeah, because they know. They know. Our guy's coming home. It's like your hudge, Joe. That's your hudge is you going to Fort Worth. like your hudge, Joe. That's your hudges. You going to Fort Worth. Texas is wild people, man.

It's an interesting place to be because they're really different. They really are different. They're fiercely independent here. Yeah, I identify as Texan almost more than American. Really? It's probably Indian and Texan and then American. What part did you grow up in? I grew up in Dallas.

I've lived in Houston as well. I went to college like an hour north in a small town in Dallas. But I feel like Texas is like your identity. Well, I love it. Yeah, it's a great place. I've been here like a year and a half. Well, you've been near Texas. You've been near Texas for a year and a half.

What is Austin? What would you think it is? Dude, it is San Francisco South. That's what it is. It's Portland migrated. Yeah, but it's a better San Francisco because San Francisco is a fat mess right now. San Francisco is a fat mess, but Austin's, you know, it's not that much better. It's better because it's Texas anchoring it. Michael Schellenberger is a gentleman I've had on the podcast before who wrote a book called San Francisco. Yep. And he was actually just tweeting about this,

that the mayor had decided, like, enough is enough. She's going to, like, start cleaning up the city and going after crime. But then he was complaining today that she's made it even worse. Yeah. It's tough. Because the voter base, and that's the thing, and I don't want to be critical of Awkwafina.

I know her. She's a great girl. I think she's talented. But, like, when your base is kind of that... Whatever your base is, you have to appease them. The woke base? Whether woke base or extreme conservative base. Whenever you feel like you... Whenever they feel betrayed,

if you built on that base, then you can't. You gotta walk it back. I think you just have to be yourself. I really do. And all this nonsense of worrying about what your base is is crazy. Who are you? You are you. If you start thinking, I have to be who these other people want me to be because they're the ones who make me popular, you're fucked.

You're fucked. You're fucked. And she doesn't need that. That lady's talented as fuck. She absolutely is talented. She was awesome in Jumanji. I, oh. It was really funny when she played Danny DeVito.

She played. Yeah, yeah, in Jumanji 2, I believe, right? Yes. Yeah. Yes. It was Really good. She's fucking talented. She's absolutely talented.

But everybody feels like they do. And that world of acting is so, it's so hard to be free. Yeah. Because you're always worried about your next gig. If you get canceled, you're fucked. Because if there's anything that's remotely controversial about you, they'll go with someone else if they're casting a major film. Because they don't want any ifs, ands or buts. Yes. And that's the beauty of what we do is we get to try to be our most authentic selves. Like a comedian, you're trying to be the funniest you can, but you

have to peel away every layer to find who the real me is. I was a completely different person 15 years ago because I wasn't, I just started comedy. I was this fake version of me and I'm not the most authentic me yet, but I'm peeling and getting there year by year. That's a good way to put it. That really is what happens, right? In the beginning, you're just kind of like, you're an imitator. You're pretending to be a comedian. Here's what a comedian acts like. Yeah. I remember when I first went on stage, I had a blazer on with like the pulled up sleeves and I had like a funny t-shirt on. Right. Because I thought that's how you had to dress. Because all the guys on like Evening at the Improv, that's how they dressed.

Oh, I was Chris Rock in a small Indian body. Like I was walking the stage the same and squinting my eyes probably, who knows. What have you had? Yeah, well, you find yourself imitating the people that, I mean, there's no shame in that. Like I always talk about that. Like I caught myself on stage,

I guess I was like a year in a comedy, and I was basically imitating Richard Jenney. I realized while I was doing it, I was like, oh my God, I'm completely copying him. This is not authentic at all. This is just me doing my material in a Richard Jenney voice and style. I had to stop watching Andrew at a certain point because he was so funny so fast that I would watch him and then on stage I'd be like, dude, I sound like Andrew. What the hell is going on?

And we sound a little bit similar, I'm sure, because we're so close, but I stopped watching him for years. I just couldn't do it. That's a big problem with, like Patrice used to call it his babies. Yeah. He would say, yeah, I got a lot of babies out there.

Yeah, 100%. Dudes who would just copy his style and there were quite a few of those guys out there yeah there was a kid who had developed like a big following on youtube doing patrice bits verbatim and people didn't realize it was patrice bits yes and then it came out and then he was trying to say that like this is an homage i was we were all away yeah he's done yeah he can't keep doing that because we're like it's not an homage. Did he go away? Yeah, he's done. Yeah. He can't keep doing that because we're like, it's not an homage

if it's word for word and you didn't give credit. Yeah, and it's, the points are too good. Like, you don't have those points. Yeah. Like, those are Patrice's points. Like, Patrice had a perspective.

No two people can have those points. Those are such brilliant points. Yeah. Only one human being can have them. I mean, maybe another dude might, but it ain't you yeah patrice had uh he just had a way of cutting through the bullshit that like do you remember when there was a time where he was on i think it was fox news and there

was a lady that was saying you can never joke about certain things and he's making the camera guys laugh off screen oh it's such a good clip and he went right into it right in front of her 100 and she did not know what to do because she was stuck with a master comedian yes cracking jokes freely just like with his hands back like so loose and relaxed and and everyone's laughing and she's like and she's in a quagmire. You're trying to say that's not funny? It's brilliant. And I remember Bill Burr had a list of his five favorite comedians alive, I think.

And Patrice, or maybe Patrice was of all time, but he said Patrice, his favorite thing was watching people try to intellectually debate him. Because they'd always think, oh, this big black guy's an idiot. And then he would fucking destroy them with no effort whatsoever. And it was the funniest thing to watch. And that what that interview was yeah, that's exactly what it was It's also like he was defending comedy and one of the things that he said that I always repeat to people Like this is an important quote of Patrice He said if someone has a joke and it's terrible or it offends you or someone has a joke and kills It all comes from the same place.

They're just trying to be funny. 100%. And it doesn't always work out. Sometimes you swing and you miss. We've all swung and missed. All the time, man. All the time. And that's the thing, especially on a podcast where you're talking for hours on end.

Yes. I have said shit about every demographic of human beings possible and I regret one that was like fuck dude that was not funny yeah but you don't know until you try you don't know and the punishment is everybody hears and i'm and i'm an asshole so like i can apologize to you but i can't stop shooting i can't stop swinging no i have to pursue the craft it's what we do it's like and it's also fun for people and the thing that you find over time is that people understand you. Like they'll watch your podcast with Andrew and they've seen you guys for hundreds of hours.

Yes. They know you. Right. So like when you're talking, if you say something, if you misstep or, you know, if you say something that doesn't turn out to be that fun, they know what you're trying to do. They know you're not a vicious person. You're just trying to be funny. And you're never going to be perfect. This is the biggest opportunity in my life.

I'm going to walk out of here being like, I wish I said that one thing differently. Of course. Did you take any shit? You have this defense of Apu, which is a fucking hilarious bit. Thank you so much, man. It's so dead on, too.

I appreciate it. Why is that offensive? Why is that guy offensive? Does anybody give you a hard time about that? I'm getting some comments. And what I want to delineate, I think is the word? Like differentiate? Deline think is the word like differentiate delineate thank you i'm not as smart as i should be but what i want to differentiate is the difference between your hurt feelings and being oppressed your hurt feelings are valid and if kids kids made fun of me for it that's valid that hurt i can go

talk to a therapist but you're not fucking oppressed and that's what i thought canceling a poo was it was we think we're oppressed and we're not at all with that shit. Well, there's a lot of things going on, right? Like, first of all, there's a white guy doing the voice. Yeah. What's that dude's name? Henry Azaria, the fucking goat dude. Hank Azaria, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my guy, bruh. He was on, what else was he on? Oh, he's done accent. He's in everything. Been a bunch on TV shows, right? He does a hilarious French accent in Along Came Polly that's so over the top and so ridiculous but it's so funny. He's a guy that just

does accents well. You're allowed to do French people though. Yeah. Because it's like they don't have extra melanin. They don't have extra melanin and I see how it's worse but I also... What? This guy. The voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's so fucking funny. Are you for scuba? Yeah.

Yes, dude. It's so funny. What, that's so fucking funny. Are you for Scuba? Yeah. Yes, dude. It's so funny. Lou Ben. What is that movie in? Along Came Polly. It's a movie most people hate, but I love. It's one of those romantic comedies. Jennifer Aniston, Ben Stiller.

But wasn't he in a sitcom? He's in probably. He's in everything. I just thought, I understand the context with which The Simpsons was created. It was a show that came out in the late 80s. I didn't know any Indian actors, much less voiceover actors, to do that voice. So he did it, and then he brought it to life. And I looked at The Simpsons, and I said,

this is the most three-dimensional supporting character on that entire show. Everybody else is ecstatic. Chief Wiggum is ecstatic. Moe is completely ecstatic. Barney's a drunk loser all the time. Apu is like three-dimensional, and he evolves more than every character on that show, including The Simpsons. He gets married, he loses a business,

gains a business, has kids, becomes a father. So like, I love that story. That's a beautiful story. He's the American dream on that show. Have they completely removed him from the show? He's gone from the show. And I think it's fucked because, dude, Apu, if it was voiced by a brown person, Apu is so many of our parents. And I don't mean that in the most respectful way. Like, I used to always hear back in the heyday, people would say, the Simpsons represents every level of society. That's why the politician is a sleazebag and the billionaire is a corrupt fuck. And Apu, I really thought, whether they meant to or not, represented the American dream.

He came to this country in search of a better life. He worked hard. He was mostly honorable. And he built a fucking life. And that is our parents. And we should all be so proud of our parents. And it sucks that a white guy was doing the voice, but at the time, I don't think they had an option. He's doing 12 voices. They just threw him one extra. They didn't have a budget. And then he made it something. So I would say some of the jokes were a little hacky. You can evolve those, but you don't get rid of the guy completely. It was an overcorrection. were a little hacky you can evolve those but you don't get rid of the guy completely it was an overcorrection it is funny that like people now get offended if you like as an actor you're supposed

to play a part but if you play a part that should go to like a marginalized group like you're not like there's some egregious examples of it like have, have you ever seen the old, if you go back to, what was the detective? Pink Panther? He wasn't Chinese, but they would play a Chinese detective. It was like famous, old, black and white shit. He was a Chinese detective that would always like, you know, solve crimes and murders and shit. But it was a white guy with like the worst makeup Yeah, that's crazy. What was his name?

Yeah, I can't believe I can't remember his name because we've talked about this before if you are a living human being putting on makeup To look like a different race. That's probably past the line. It's so bad too. It looks so clunky. I'm sure it does What was it? It was from the 1950s he was a detective i remember pink panther from the 80s which my dad thought was hilarious and there were some anti-asian jokes in there for sure the guy talking about slanted eyes and shit like that and that's rough to re-watch but like it's gonna be tricky we're gonna get some things right and some things wrong i just think apu was an overcorrection that's it that's it char it. Charlie Chan. Holy shit, dude.

So, Chinese-American detective Charlie Chan was called in to help solve baffling cases aided by his number one son. So this is J. Carol Nash. That's the guy. But show me some pictures of him. Because Charlie Chan,

the guy who played Charlie Chan The guy Who played Charlie Chan was white as fuck Yeah It doesn't even look remotely Chinese But this is also 60 years ago The reality was Maybe they didn't have anybody They might have not had anybody

They probably more likely didn't care in the 60s When they didn't even let black people drink from the same water fountain Or go to the same schools Look at that picture right next to the color one The one in the middle Up top in the 60s when they didn't even let black people drink from the same water fountain or go to the same schools? Look at that picture right next to the color one. The one in the middle. Up top in the middle. Up top right there, yeah. Click on that.

Yeah, that's... Like, look at that. That's a white guy for sure. Even the Asian guy's looking at him like, what the fuck is he doing? How did you get this job, bitch? So they had Asian actors. They had an Asian guy, but the Asian guy could only be the sidekick. Couldn't be the main dude.

Of course, and that's fucked. But we have course. Couldn't be the main dude. Of course. And that's fucked. But we have come a long way in the last 50, 60 years. And I think we're acting like it's that. Apu is not that. Well, here's a more offensive one. John Wayne played Genghis Khan. That's so funny.

Have you ever seen that? Especially knowing who John Wayne is. Yeah. He's like the whitest of white guys ever. He's the proudest of whitest of white guys. He played it talking like this. You want to hear it? You got to hear it. We have guys. And he played it talking like this. You wanna hear it? You gotta hear it. We have to. John Wayne is Genghis

Khan. Genghis Khan, the greatest conqueror the world has ever known. Ever. A man who literally killed 10% of the population on Earth while he was alive. My dad tells me he used to slaughter one village so bad when they conquered it that his goal was the next village would just surrender because they heard about what

happened. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. I mean, he would put bodies on catapults and light them on fire and launch them over the walls. He's like Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones. If you never listened to Dan Carlin, you ever listen to Hardcore History? I don't know anything. I don't listen to anything. I don't learn much of anything. I'm just living. This is worth listening to though. Okay. Dan Carlin has a hardcore history podcast. Okay. It's fucking amazing. It's all of them.

It's literally the best podcast out there. All right. It shouldn't even be, like, what I do should not be called a podcast, because he and I are not doing the same thing. See, this is the problem. You're too smart. It's educational. And people start taking you seriously.

If you're just dumber, then people will be like, oh, this guy's a comedian just talking. Yeah, but that's what I'm doing too. Yeah, that's true. But anyway, his... So this is John Wayne now. It's Genghis Khan. Find me a video, Jamie. I tried.

One got taken down. I want to hear him. Talk as Genghis Khan. We're going to take over these Mongol herds. It's like it's so fake. Here's the trailer. Give me some volume. It's like it's so fake. Here's the trailer. Give me some volume. It's so corny. The Conqueror.

Starring John Wayne. Like you had to have John Wayne. Susan Hayward is the mistress of the movie. That was back when those ladies didn't work out and they were hot as fuck for like 15 years. Yeah. They had about a 15-year lifespan. 20 to 35 and then it was a wrap because nobody exercised.

Because you age like shit also. There's no vitamins in anything. Yeah, no vitamins. No vitamins. Everyone's smoking cigarettes. Whoa, we took her clothes off. That's kind of fire, actually. She's like, oh.

She's into it. They were always into it back then. Heal the cowering nations. In his arms, the unconquered woman. Oh, the unconquered woman. He took what he wanted when he into it. They were always into it back then. Oh, the unconquered woman. Bro, it's so bad. Your hatred will kindle into love. I mean, look how crazy this is.

A white guy and a white lady. Oh, bitch slapped her. This is fucking crazy, dude. They used to bitch slap people in previews. They'll let you know. They're bitch slapping bitches. Having taken your favors. Who's this guy? I refuse the favor you seek.

I don't know, but not John Wayne. But just the music. Oh, everything. Like, everybody was confused. It's a cowboy movie, but they couldn't make a cowboy movie. So they had to do... And this is where I will say, wokeness has served some kind of purpose.

We look at that now and we're like, yo, this is fucked. Yes. He takes what he wants when he wants it with a girl on the screen. Yo, that's fucking crazy. But it is historically accurate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true.

That's true. That's true. I just don't know. I need to see it quite like that. There's actually a good movie about Genghis Khan that was years later. Is it called Temujin? There's a Genghis Khan

movie that was years later that was, when I say good, it's just good. It's not great, but it's good. Good for the time. It's, it represents what he was like. It might just good. It's not great, but it's good. Good for the time? It represents what he was like. It might just be called Mongol. Is it called Mongol? Jesus Christ.

2007, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And it's more in line with the actual story. Yeah. Okay, that's all you can ask for. And then, again, I say that to say I just think we've overcorrected on certain things. And I don't know that we're going to find a balance anytime soon.

But, yeah, certain things are fucked and certain things are not not and I think a lot of the shit that we're apologizing for is not fucked like well these certain things it's like all the wokeness and this is where I agree with you it's moving in a good direction yes and that direction is like everybody should be treated equally yes we should treat people like they're just human beings yes and if there's any sort of thing that you apply to like one person that you don't apply to other groups of people like why why is that why do you why do you think of this group that way like what is that yeah what's what's behind the mentality yeah and I think that we're you know with everything with gay people trans people black people white people Asian we're like moving in this general direction of it never being acceptable anymore to discriminate.

Yeah. Which is great. Yeah, and that's great. And I also will say this. Before you get offended by jokes, find out the mentality underneath the joke. Like if you're trying to be funny, you're going to make jokes that are fucked up. If I regret it, I'll apologize, like you said. But if it's more disturbing to me if the mentality is

fucked up, if the joke is fucked and then I don't think you're a fucked up person, you don't say fucked up things, okay, that's a fucked up joke. You missed. You shot an air ball. You're Steph Curry, you shot an air ball. Go ahead now with Ari Shafir. The motherfucker shoots a lot of air balls. The motherfucker shoots a lot of air balls. He needs to sit on the bench sometimes.

Why are you friends with Ari? I'm like, he's the best. That He needs to sit on the bench sometimes. Why are you friends with Ari? I'm like, he's the best. That guy got to sit on the bench every once in a while. Every now and then he's got to be benched. Yes.

Because he hits some bricks. He's Draymond. You don't let him shoot too much. All right? You play defense for your teammates. But he's swinging

and every now and then he cracks a home run. Yes. It's like, you know, comedy is a, it's not a thing you do with a net. It's a dangerous

art form. 100%. You have to take the risk and you have to, as a society,'s not a thing you do with a net. It's a dangerous art form. 100%. You have to take the risk. And you have to, as a society, I think a nice medium is, look, if I say something I regret, you put it perfectly, I'll apologize. But then you let me keep moving forward and you let me keep trying. I have to keep trying. Yeah, that's where you separate the difference between people that don't really care. They just want to win this thing or shut you down.

Yeah. Versus people that have understanding and compassion. Like people that are like genuinely just a good person who wants everybody to be a good person. Yeah. Like that's available. Yes. There's a lot of people like that.

Yeah. And people that are charitable. Like they see you fucked up, like, ah, he's a good guy. Yes, 100%. And they and they'll let you go then there's other people that won't but that's good too because then you get to find out who those judgmental unforgiving fucks are that's a terrible way to live yeah it's a terrible way to live to be an unforgiving person they're miserable yes those people are miserable and i can say this about you i meant to say this earlier you are probably the nicest guy i've ever met. I remember I met you twice before this, and both times I was like, what a fucking friendly guy.

Just warm to everybody. I saw you treat people of all different races very well, and it wasn't phony or gross or inauthentic. It was like, yo, this guy's just happy. And those people tend to win. The people who are canceling and looking for misery and taking joy in other people's failure, they tend to lose. Well, I mean, obviously we're talking about this. This is a political hit job with me. But there's other people that do do a thing, like independent people, that will attack people all the time.

And they want to, like, cancel a person because they think that that person is foul. Or they want to, like, they want to be able to do it because it is kind of a game. Like, if you can cancel someone and you get them in trouble. There's a lot of people that like go dig up old things that you said. Yeah, those people are living in studio apartments by themselves in fucking Studio City. They're definitely, it's not productive. Yes. Like if you're spending all your time trying to attack a person versus trying to better yourself.

Yeah. You're not going to do as well. 100%. You're wasting time. Like I don't have the time to do that. How do you have the time to do that? They don't. They don't. That's why they're not going to do as well. 100%. You're wasting time. Like, I don't have the time to do that. How do you have the time to do that? They don't. They don't.

That's why they're not successful. It's like it's literally poison for yourself. Yes. Like, what is that expression about jealousy? How does that expression go? Like, jealousy is the only poison that taints the vessel it's contained in? Yeah. Something like that.

Like, jealousy only hurts you and doesn't hurt. It's a poison for you and not the other person. Yeah, it hurts you if you feel it towards another person. What is it? Anger. Oh, here. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it's stored than to anything on which it's poured.

Mark Twain. It also comes up for jealousy, too. It comes up for jealousy, too. That's what I Googled, but I clicked on that and angered you. Einstein stole this guy's quote, I bet, and worded that shit for anger. Maybe it's Ravikant Dube. Who was first? Probably this guy because he got the more ethnic name.

Ravikant. I'm just guessing. Why did they spell his first name in lowercase? That's throwing me off. I'm trying to figure out where this guy's from. Is there a culture where you spell the first name in lowercase. That's throwing me off. I'm trying to figure out where this guy's from. Is there a culture where you spell the first name in lowercase? I truly wish I knew, but Joe, I don't know things. That's an interesting thing, right?

Because if that is, that would be a weird choice. No, it's a weird choice. But to say what you were saying, I think the most successful people I've ever met have always been eyes on their own paper. You have to. I'm focused on me. Everybody else, I'm not worried about. I'm worried about me.

I have eyes on my own paper and the focus that I put on other people is to elevate. Yes, exactly. That's better said. That's the second part. The focus, I look as like, especially as a comedian, I feel like I'm a fan of the art form and I have an obligation to promote the art form. Right. So like when someone's funny and I know someone's good, like, I want them to do well.

I want to help them do well. 100%. Because I like comedy. I want more great jokes out there, more great bits out there, more funny sets, more, you know, audiences filled in a club having a great time. More people push this art forward. Yeah. And it's like, this shit ain't easy to do. It's weird.

Yeah. And it's like, this shit ain't easy to do. It's weird. Yeah. To go from, like, I was hanging out with this lady at Vulcan last night who's an open mic-er, and she works jobs, and she's trying to, like, make it as a comic. And I'm just thinking, while I was talking to her last night, what it's like to be that person where you don't know if it's going to work out.

Like, she's got some jokes that hit, and she's got some jokes that are kind of like so-so. You don't remember that time? That time was like three years ago for me. Recent. Well, I've been doing comedy for 33 years. Yeah, that's true. It's a long-ass time.

I mean, news radio was what, 96 or something like that? 94, no, 90, yeah, 94? Yeah, I was close. 94, yeah, 94 to 99, yeah. So, yeah, you haven't had that moment,. Yeah, 94 to 99. Yeah. So, yeah. You haven't had that moment, I assume, in a while. It's been a long time. Yeah.

And I was unreasonably successful very early. Totally unfair. Yeah. Like, I was on television six years into comedy. I was on a network sitcom. How did you do that? White privilege. Because back then, that was all the...

Purely white privilege. There you go. No, I get that. No, that makes sense. There's privilege. That purely white privilege there you go no i get that no that makes sense there's privilege that's why privilege yeah 100 but yeah i remember seeing you and i was like dude this guy just had fucking longevity yeah well i think um i just got real lucky in the beginning that i got on mtv and i had a really good set on mtv i did the mtv half hour comedy hour and that was back in the day where they were giving people

development deals because they wanted everybody to be the next Seinfeld or the next Roseanne so they figured like if you gotta like if I can get this Akash guy and give him a sitcom oh my god like we're gonna all get paid yeah like those people that did those sitcoms where it's like Tim Allen and Home Improvement like They made hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah, I'm sure. And so the networks would see a guy like you and they'd go, we gotta get this guy a fucking development deal.

And so I got a development deal. And then I wound up doing this baseball show for Fox. The first two shows I auditioned for, I got. It's the craziest, dumbest luck of all time. It's so crazy. Yeah. And then, you know, so I did, that was this Fox show that was hardball and then news radio.

I did that for both of those for years. And then I did Fear Factor. So it's just like it kept going. More things just kept happening. And it was just complete dumb luck. I never had any desire to be an actor. Were you always a pretty positive guy? Because I always try to trace it back to like, what do we, do we project something like kind of like the secret, but I don't want to admit it because that sounds too for me. It's like I was a baseball player.

It made sense. I was like an athlete on a team who's a dick, who's funny, who crashes Lamborghini and try to fuck everybody. It was just a wild dude. That was you. That was you in the 90s. So I was like, this is easy to play. And then news radio, I was just playing a dummy who's a conspiracy theory who works as an electrician at a station.

I was like, I can fucking do that. All I remember about that show is your character hated Andy Dick's character. That's literally the only thing I remember about that show. But I thought he always wanted to be friends with you, or there was an episode where he wanted to be friends with you, and you were just like, no. Well, I think it was always we had this weird dynamic together. There we go. Something. We had a weird dynamic working. Andy

was one of the hardest guys to ever work with because he's so fucking funny that we would do these scenes together and I could not keep a straight face. Oh, dude. I'd have to confront him with something. I'm like, hey man, why'd you do that? And then he'd give me this look

and I'd be like, fuck! And I'd have to turn away. Like we'd have like seven, eight takes sometimes. He has the best reality premise show I've ever heard. No offense to Fear Factor. But it was, he's an MTV show where he's like Auditioning people to be his assistant and it's all fake

Oh, yes, and he's having them do the most ruthless shit like cut his lawn with scissors He lost a contact in a swimming pool and made one of them find it. He's blown up so far. Yeah No, that was on that was on MTV. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so funny. He's a wild dude. He's so crazy Yeah, he's uh, but he's very talented. His son is doing stand-up right Lucas I know Lucas from when he started I just haven't seen him in a while. Mmm. Yeah, he was doing stand-up at the Comedy Store Yeah, shout out to Lucas if he's listening. It's uh So like my path into things was easier, you know, it was it was just pretty easy Yeah, I mean it was not easy. It's always like acting is complicated.

Relatively speaking. Auditions are stressful. But also I'd come from fighting. So I'd come from the world of martial arts tournaments. And then I went from that into like auditioning and stand up. I was like, this is scary, but it's not as scary. Right. It's a different kind of scary.

The stakes feel low probably. Yeah. I'm like used to scary. Okay. Like I gravitate towards scary because I felt like there was more opportunities than scary because everybody was scared of it. Right, right, right. So they didn't want any of that scary. I was like, I think I can do it.

So I would gravitate towards things that had like low percentage outcomes of success. So like when I first started doing stand-up, like my mom had just gotten used to me fighting. Like it had been years and years of me doing that and then all of a sudden I was doing to do something else that had A low potential for success. She's like what the fuck is wrong with you? You want to be a loser dude? My dad still says to me. I would rather you be a doctor Still to this day. He's like I know it's stupid. I would rather you be a doctor. That's hilarious. Do you know Fahim? Yes, Fahim's awesome. Fahim you be a doctor. That's hilarious. Do you know Fahim? Yes. I love Fahim. Fahim's awesome. Fahim Anwar, his dad, he was an engineer.

He's a legitimate engineer. Fahim's a brilliant guy. Yeah, that makes sense. And his dad wanted him to keep that job. And he had eventually gotten to a point where he had enough success where he could quit the job. But he had to break it to his family. They had to come see him it's easier to tell your family you're gay then to tell them I don't want to be a doctor an engineer yeah well for some families like they

want to have a son who's a lawyer they want to have a son who's a successful businessman that you they want you to be someone like hey how's Mike doing Mike's doing great he's in his third year of his own practice and yeah everybody wants to say that about their kid and I think for at least Indian parents when they come over here they don't know all these alternative routes to income they know safe and they came here for safe steady money and this idea that you could be a millionaire comic especially our parents they had never seen any of them in American film or tv right so it's like what are you fucking crazy are you on drugs dude no be a doctor i know plenty of indian doctors i've seen

that happen but your parents did they know about russell they did after and then they were like be friends with him my mom tried really hard to get you to be friends with russell peters yeah my mom tried really hard and russell's the fucking goat dude dude. I love Russell. He's the best guy. You know, I wear a watch for every comedy special that Russell gave me. Really? What kind of watch? It's a Breitling. And this is Russell.

We were at a casino in Vegas, and we're there for the fights. And Russell, I forget if he was in town, if he was in town working, and we were in the same place at the same time, we were all hanging out together. But I just go, oh, that's a dope watch. And he just goes, here, it's yours. Unbelievable, man. Just took it off and gave me this $5,000 watch.

I've heard that story with multiple people. Yeah, dude. I was looking at a watch, I just said, hey, that's a cool watch, and he just bought it for me. Dude, he's the most generous, sweet, kind guy. He's so solid. So loyal. If anybody doesn't like Russell, if Russell doesn't like anybody.

I trust their instinct. If Russell doesn't like you, I write you off immediately. I was like, there's no way. For some people, it's like, ah, he has problems with people. He's always starting problems. He has disputes. But Russell doesn't have disputes. No, that guy is fucking solid through and through. He's always starting problems. You know, he's like, has disputes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Russell doesn't have disputes.

No. That guy is fucking solid through and through. He's the best. He's the best. Yeah. You know, Sagar, Sagar and Jetty.

Love Sagar. He said that Russell was the first indie he saw on TV that wasn't a doctor. Dude, yeah. Sagar was in his hometown and I got to,

I texted Russell because I had opened for him and I was like, hey, this kid is a huge fan. He wants to meet you. And Sagar was over the fucking, I've never seen him smile so hard in his hometown and I got to, I texted Russell because I'd opened for him. And I was like, hey, this kid is a huge fan. He wants to meet you. And Saga was over the fucking, I've never seen him smile so hard in his life as his picture with Russell.

It's unbelievable. Their show, that show Breaking Points that he does with Crystal Ball. It's the best. That's an amazing show. It's what news should be. It is what news should be. And it's also two very strong opinions

on different sides of the political spectrum that are respectful and objective. They argue things rationally, and they have great conversations, and they lay out uncomfortable truths about world politics, about economics, about motivations behind political moves and why people are doing certain things.

It's really an amazing, amazing show. And so important. Because it's fucking squirrely out there, man. If you want to pay attention to one side or the other, the right or the left on mainstream news, you're getting fucked sideways and behind. It's just like, oh, what's real? Yeah, I just don't worry about it.

I just say, you know what, it's all bullshit, and then I just live. Well, that's good until you have kids. Yeah. And then you start wondering, like, hey, what am I leaving behind? I've got to pay attention to this shit. What are these monsters doing to the world? I just want to leave them behind money.

And then you guys figure it out. That's not enough. You sure? I feel like money could buy you some, you know what I mean? Money helps. I can show you how to be a man. Not like a real man like you, like hunts and shit like that, but a man like a guy with values and ethics and this is how you treat people.

And I very much intend on showing my son or daughter this is how a man acts. But that's a bad in money and then, you know, the truth. To develop character, though, is a difficult one. It's very difficult for a rich kid to develop character. Dude, I worry about that. I work so hard. I want to have fuck you money. Yeah, you know what it is. And then I worry about that. I work so hard. I want to have fuck you money. Yeah, you know what it is. And then I worry

how do I give my kids... There's a line, this is crazy, but there's a line from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air I think about all the time where Aunt Vivian says to Uncle Phil, she says sometimes I think we work so hard to give our kids what we didn't have, we forget to give them what we did. And she means struggle.

That's a great line. Yeah. that's a great line yeah it's a great line I think that's real all the time well all my favorite people came from fucked up childhoods everybody all my favorite people who are you told who are you thinking all of them yeah everybody gonna know all my friends they all had like whether it's Ari or Joey Diaz or Duncan or yeah like all my friends Eddie Bravo all my friends they came from fucked up childhood. It is a common thread amongst most comics. They have, they develop their character through adversity.

Yes. And that's where you get tested. That's where you get put through the fire. Yeah. That's where the iron is forged. Yeah. That's what makes Andrew more annoying is he's so good and he hasn't really been through that much.

Fucking hate it. Well, he's driven. He's, it's Kobe like. Yeah. He's got a drive to be great. Yeah. it. Well, he's driven. It's Kobe-like. Yeah, he's got a drive to be great. Yeah. You know, and it's awesome. That's good.

All that stuff's good, too. It's like it's good to see people that didn't come from a rough childhood but just have a vision and focus and discipline and are becoming very successful. Like, what Andrew did that's amazing is carve his own path. Yeah. Like, they wouldn't put amazing is carve his own path. Yeah.

Like they wouldn't put him on these shows and Netflix and what have you. So he went and put a YouTube video out. I saw the whole thing. I was right there. Yeah. Helped him write the first note of, and I'm not taking credit. It's all him. I'm just saying like I watched my brother go through this.

And we were both getting overlooked. But he had that fucking sixth gear that was like, I will not be stopped. Yeah. And it was really, even him him on this special he helped me so much dude he told me one day he's low-key the reason it was late but one day he was like hey from 12 p.m to 4 p.m i'll help you with your special he stayed from 12 p.m to 4 a.m and was just pouring over things and then he i learned so much on like oh this is how you can elevate a special and i saw how fucking focused he was on every single detail. And that's the kind of stuff about Andrew that most people don't know that I want people to know about him.

He's such a fucking good guy, loyal guy. But like, then I just spent the next two days doing everything he taught me for 48 straight hours after those 16. And he elevated every aspect of the special. It's really awesome to have a friend like that, that you can just fucking learn from.

Well, he also, he has a tribe, which is, I think that's very important for comedians. Like he's a guy that has a tribe of friends and he's very close to that. Yeah. They're all, there's a bond between him and you guys. Absolutely.

And all the people that he does stand up with and interacts with and works with on the Netflix special and all the different things that he does, the social media stuff, it's like, it's a bond. We are family. Yeah, you feel it. You feel it, when I went to, when you guys were in Austin when he was filming a special and I went there to watch,

like you feel it. Yeah. It's like it's a. Yeah, I flew in just to watch. There's no way I'm missing this. I just wanna see him do it, I wanna be there, there's no way I'm missing it. Yeah, that was the first time I just went and sat in the audience and watched a whole show in a long fucking time.

Just sat down. Yeah, as comics, you hate doing that. But like, I'll do it for a guy doing it at that level. Yeah, I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I think it's actually good for you. Because it's good. It's like sometimes you can get lost or so caught up in the process of what you do, the way you do it.

You're doing your thing. Sometimes it's good to just remove yourself from that and just watch someone else do it. Just sit down like an audience member. At the highest levels or at any level? Because at the highest levels, I agree. I'll watch you. I'll watch Burr. I'll watch Russell.

Love it. Watch Andrew. Love it. But if I'm watching a guy that's like, there's a lot of guys that i'm like dude there's no time longer than comedy time a 15 minute set can feel like a fucking 15 hour set if someone's bombing yeah even if they're just pretty good yeah the frustration of watching someone eat shit or the watching someone make like poor choices on stage in terms of like too many words or you know the premise is not that clear.

Easy premise drives me the craziest, like the agreeable, super agreeable claptor premise. I'm like, what are you fucking doing here, man? Challenge these people. Otherwise get off stage.

I'm not saying actually you have no place in comedy, but I'm not going to fuck with it because it's not challenging anything. It's not, people should walk away being like, that's interesting. I never thought of it that way. Laugh first and foremost, but second, son, I never thought of it that way. Laugh first and foremost. But second, son, I never thought of it that way.

That's crazy. I think a lot of people are just, they just want it to work. Right? Like, the way I always talked about comedy is like, there's a beginning of your comedy career where all you're trying to do is get laughs. Yeah. And you will say things you don't agree with. You say things that you're just trying, like, you don't even really think it's funny. You just think it's going to work on a crowd. So you're using like a tool. Then after that, then you start figuring out a way to make it

something that you would laugh at. Yeah. That's the most painful part of comedy. Yeah. I bombed for three years straight, figuring that out. And I went, I got over the first stage kind of quickly. I was like, I don't believe any of this i'm better than this and then i wasn't i bombed for about three years straight i got worse and worse and worse for three years straight well how'd you get out of it uh work and you know what that's another thing i we were doing like an interview for some nyu paper and andrew was talking about how hard he worked at comedy and i did the standard things listen to uh you know do your set listen to it take notes And then he was talking about just how hard he worked on every aspect of it. And I talked to him afterward and he said, buddy, you have no idea.

I watched, I think it was Patrice O'Neill's entire HBO half hour. Maybe it was Chappelle, somebody. And he said, I literally studied every moment why they got, when they got laughs, why they got laughs and tried to figure out how funny works. When they got laughs, why they got laughs, and tried to figure out how funny works. So I went through and I studied the first 10 minutes of two Chappelle specials, two Rock specials, 10 minutes of Patrice. I think Aziz, Louis comics, I don't even love as much. But I wrote down every word, every facial expression, every hand gesture. And every time they got a laugh, I tried to figure out why they got a laugh.

And I think that's part of why we can do crowd work so comfortably is one, we came up in the place where you had to do it. But two, you start to kind of put together like, oh, okay, here's how you can make this thing work. Here's how the formula of comedy works. And then you can just put it together in the moment. But it was fucking, I did that for months. And that was when I turned the corner. That's interesting. You know, so you just started really doing work.

Dude, I studied it like this is, I'm going to make this scientific. And I'm not a science kid, even though I was pre-med. That's why I'm not a doctor. But I'm going to find the science of this because I will die for this. It's, that's the thing that most of us don't do, right? We don't study the comedy. No, no. And I think it's easy.

I think it's more important for a guy like you or a guy like me, who I think has a decent personality, is probably funny offstage, funny with our friends, at least they think we're funny. So you get on stage, that part comes easily. The part you need to work on more than getting on stage, I think, is really fucking studying this shit. And why is it funny and how does funny work and how do I make that apply to what I want to say? There's some guys who don't like watching other comics because they don't want it to influence them. Yeah.

Like Jim Norton's like that. I talked to him about it. He goes, I don't like watching other comics and I don't ever want it to influence me. Yeah, I'm an impressionable

human being. If I hang around friends, I start talking like them so I try to also limit those outside influences for that reason but yeah, at the end of the day,

you still need to study it. Like if you're studying it, it's not going to rub off as much because you're pressing pause every five seconds and handwriting. I was handwriting every fucking word. Yeah. I had you're studying it, it's not going to rub off as much because you're pressing pause every five seconds and handwrite. I was handwriting every fucking word. Yeah. I had pages and pages, journals of notes. Well, also if like you get a good variety,

like you watch one Chris Rock special and then one George Carlin special, you know, mix it up a little bit of Louis CK, a little bit of Jim Gaffigan. I try to go across all styles, whether I love, I started with the guys I loved and then I got to guys that I was like, yeah, but still I need to learn if they're successful, what are they doing that I can apply? Right. And I remember learning from Patrice, there's times where I'll pause and I'll just make like a face. And I realized from Patrice, he used, aside from everything, he used every bit of real estate possible. Like there were times where he won't say a word, he'll just go and he'll get a laugh. Right. And there's times where you can just get a laugh right here.

Also, watching Chris Tucker in Money Talks. I remembered watching that recently and I was like, dude, he made every single part of himself funny. He would make his eyes funny. Eyes, his face, everything. Every single ounce of real estate you have, you have to use. Yeah. Yeah. You can learn a lot from watching a variety of different comics yes 100

and that's a thing that like no one can teach you how to do comedy but it would it's it's kind of amazing that it's such a popular art form in terms of like people want to go pay to see it they love to watch it on netflix but no there's no classes in it no there's classes you can't learn you have to do it on your own yeah it's crazy there's no art form like. No. There's classes you can't learn. You have to do it on your own. You have to. It's crazy. There's no art form like that. They can teach you how to play guitar.

They can teach you how to sing. They can teach you so many different kinds of performance art. There's acting classes. Yeah. There's mime school. You can learn how to be a mime. I think Maz Jabrani, and I find Maz very funny, so this is not a shot,

but I think Maz Jabrani took a comedy class from that lady who wrote the comedy Bible. Because I remember she quoted him in that book. So there are classes and there are successful funny comedians from those classes. But that's just because they got on stage. Yeah, and they're the outliers. Yeah, it's not that the class made them funny. The class gave them an opportunity to get on stage.

And then they have to figure it out. I guess it's because art, like like drawing art you can do that alone yeah you teach me the fundamentals and then i go do this on my own over and over and over comedy you can teach me the fundamentals you can teach me what a setup is what an act out is all that stuff but i have to get out in public and do this over and over and over yes so yeah even i guess if you take an art class you still have to do off stage out of class work but it's in private and you get that luxury of failure in private. Right. But that is the thing that they do do on some comedy classes is like you'll have some stuff you workshop in front of everybody and then everyone will do a show.

Yeah. One show. You know, one show. At the end of the entire class. Some legit comics have done that because it's sort of like at least gets them to get their feet wet. Sure. But then after that, that's like 0.0001% of the work. But think about what you did.

And that would be a great service. Like if that was taught somewhere, if like comedians put together a course where you could analyze comedy and see like why is this irreverent? Why is this relatable? Why is this like what about this kind this irreverent why is this why is this relatable why is this like what what about this kind of honesty makes it funny yeah and i'd be curious to revisit it because i kept stumbling upon the same lesson which is just how everybody packaged everything like i used to think and this is why i was bombing i would just say things that were too harsh and i would just say

them bluntly and i'd be like that's what patrice does no it's not if you watch patrice, like I remember watching elephant in the room and he has that joke about, you can tell how, how beautiful a white woman is by how long they would look for her if she was missing. Such a funny premise. And he says, that's a high level white woman. And he points at a girl and he immediately calls her beautiful because then he's saying, all right, I'm not racist. I see that this white girl is beautiful and I acknowledge her as beautiful. And she's not overtly beautiful, but he says she's beautiful because he's more likable that way. Then he says to a black girl, look, you think the cops would look for you if you were missing? Which is crazy. And then he goes, I would look for you, but they're not going to.

So now he's removing himself from the ass. Dude, the society's fucked up. I care. I would look for you. Right. But society's fucked up. And it's so much more palatable than just sitting on that premise. Yeah, it's so much better.

And also, there's a sort of an underlying thing where he's not really going to look for you. Yeah. He's not looking for anybody. Like, we were talking about Patrice ain't going to the woods. Patrice ain't swimming. He's not going looking for you, but he's saying, I would look for you. Yeah, yeah. And like,

he's just, you know, it's part of the comedy is you knowing that he's not really going to look for you. Yeah, 100%. I didn't even think about that,

but that's where it's cool. If I revisit it, I might pick up even more stuff. Did you ever get a chance to see Joey Diaz live? I did not. God damn it. I need to.

Andrew swears by it. I need to see him live. Dude, I'm telling you, man. Yeah. He hasn't done comedy Since the pandemic He did it a little bit In Jersey

He was doing some regular gigs But I talked to him About it yesterday actually I said Are you gonna do Start doing stand up again And he goes When you open up your club

I'm coming down For sure Yeah Because I've been thinking About coming down Ari had a show In New York I was gonna go down there

But I heard everybody Was getting stabbed It's like some Some neighborhood Where Ari is doing his show that apparently is rough at night. Oh, fuck. But Joey was, I'd never seen anybody funnier than him. Yeah, Andrew says. Everybody would walk out of there shaking their head.

He said it's just so authentic. It's just so authentic that you can't deny it. That's what he says about Joey. And just explosive. Yeah. It's just fireworks. Boom, boom. When he hits these high notes, you're like, holy fuck. Yeah, I Joey and just explosive. Yeah, it just fireworks boom When he hits these high notes like holy fuck. Yeah, I need to see it Yeah, but it's like those guys that are free on stage

They let guys like us like whether it's Patrice or Joey or anybody This is like free on stage. They let you see the value and that sort of authenticity and that just mm-hmm just being you yeah they push it forward more than anybody mm-hmm because at the end of the day that's what we all want to be is just authentic and when you see those guys doing it it frees up you to be that much more authentic yeah it's like everybody's got their own contribution like we were talking about Gaffigan earlier like his contribution is like he doesn't get animated, but he knows where the funny is in every bit. And it's all squeaky clean.

So funny. And he sets it up. And you get into his mind. Yes. Like you get into his rhythm of thinking. 100%. And that guy could write bits to the end of days. Like he'll never run out of material.

I mean, the guy jokes about tables. Yeah, he has a classic hot hot pockets bit. I saw him do a bit about vinegar and how like English food sucks because they use vinegar to make it taste good. And that's the same thing you use to clean windows. And I was like, who's doing vinegar bits and making them funny? And it's how many bits you have about food. Oh, my God. It's all food related.

I'm funny. And it's how many bits do you have about food? Oh my God. It's all food related. It's, but so there's guys like him and then there's like a tell who's like one of the very best, like non sequitur joke writers, performers ever.

So good. Everyone elevates the craft in their own little way. Like all those like super high performers, they elevate the craft in their own little way. Yeah. And that's what I hope to do as I evolve is like, let's find my contribution. I don't know what it is yet, but I just want to get there. Yeah. And that's what I hope to do as I evolve is like, let's find my contribution. I don't know what it is yet, but I just want to get there. Yeah.

Let's try for that. It's such a beautiful art form. I've been doing it forever and I still love it. Oh, and I was watching you, your physicality was fucking incredible on stage. And I think that's a beautiful thing. I think so many comics get, they think this idea of comedy is I have to hold them, put my elbow on the mic stand like Bill Barr, who I'm a fucking goat. I'm not at all.

But they think that's what it is. And then when they see a guy like you being free with his body and moving and climbing on a fucking bar stool and mounting, they're like, oh, that can be comedy too. And we can explore these different avenues of physicality and different parts of real estate and all that. And I think that's a beautiful contribution you have. Thank you. There's a lot of guys who are like real physical, like that, like we were talking last night about, uh, Eddie Griffin when he was first on Def Jam. And I remember I was living, I think I was living in New York at the time and Eddie Griffin went on Def Jam and he had a hat on and shorts and he murdered so hard. i haven't seen his moving around and he was moving he like that was eddie griffin in his prime yeah and i remember thinking when i watched him fuck i'll never be

that funny he was so powerful it was so strong that set was just dynamite man yeah boom yeah i didn't watch it but i watched a recent special his and i was I was like, yo, this guy's still got it, dude. Oh, he's got it. Eddie's always going to be funny. But he's always going to, you know, he's crazy. Yeah. You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's going to be there and not there. Seems like it. It's going to hit and miss. And it's just like, but when he nails it, he has one of the best jokes ever about Thomas Edison. About, no, Alexander Graham Bell. He's the one who made the phone, right? Yes. Yeah. He goes, one who made the phone, right? Yes. Yeah, he goes,

how much cocaine was that motherfucker on? He goes, you gotta be high. I want to talk to someone who's not even there. Oh, man. Just seeing him once, I want to talk to someone who's not even here.

That's such a great line. But it's such a cocaine thought, too. Yeah, dude. That's such a great line. But it's such like a cocaine thought too. Yeah, dude. That's great. Yeah. It's, there's, you know, the art form is, it's amazing because there's so many different ways to do it. Yeah.

There's no right way. It's the best. It is. It's the toughest, but it's the best. I love it so much. How many years you been doing it now? 15, I think. So this is your first special? This is my first special, but it's the best. I love it so much. How many years you been doing it now? 15, I think. So this is your first special?

This is my first special, yeah. That's good. That's like a good amount of time to wait. So you're solid and like a real pro. Yeah, well, it wasn't by choice. You know what I mean? I wasn't getting any looks from anywhere. And then I didn't even really start headlining weekends until Corona, like during Corona, basically.

I did a few weekends before. And then I felt the growth when I started doing 45 minutes at a time I was like, oh now I am seeing the comic that I always knew I could be Oh, were you doing mostly city spots city spots 15 minutes doing what I can I would do the road gig here and there But that's like a fucking exhausting lifestyle and you're doing 45 minutes for the middle of nowhere And then you get off stage and it's like audiences are hit and miss. But club, 45 minute back to back to back, that's a different thing. You grow. You grow.

I grew so much, I felt like. I felt like I was a whole different comic. Yeah, when I was in New York, I didn't do the city that much. Because I was like, this is only 15 minutes, and you get paid like 20 bucks or whatever the fuck it was. Yeah, I wish I knew that. I was like, this doesn't make any sense. I could drive to Connecticut, and I'd make 150 bucks. Yeah, I didn't know. I just thought, doesn't make any sense I could drive to Connecticut and I make 150 bucks Yeah, I didn't know I just thought well 45

Yeah, it's longer than 15 But I was doing like 20 because we were at the village lantern and I would host so I would do or I would be my Show so I do like 20 30 but 45 back to back to back. It's just a different fucking thing altogether Yeah, you can dig into a whole different detail like level of yourself You get deeper and ideas, different with the audience. Your whole relationship is different. It's the best. It's the most powerful thing you can do as a comic.

Yeah, it just stacks hours and reps. Yes. It's hours and reps, time on the mic. Time on the mic is everything. Those guys that do stand up every night, they have a certain smoothness to them because it's just massive time. Like I tell, massive time on the mic. Right. That's so important and the problem with those city spots is you can get a lot of spots in a

night there's a benefit to that but there's also a benefit to a long spot where you settle in to your ideas and then the audience takes you you take this audience on a ride with you now you had an agent sending you out for weekends or whatever. Yeah. I used to do all that shit. Yeah. See, I didn't have an agent. So I was just like, I guess I could go do this $300 bar spot for 45 minutes. How did you not get a manager or an agent? I don't know. And I don't want to sit here and be super critical of the industry because that's kind of what we're all doing. And I don't begrudge them, but for whatever reason, they just never looked at me as a viable option. That's crazy. I remember I had a holding deal with ABC and God bless ABC. They tried to put me in a pilot. Pilot didn't go, but everybody told me when the pilot is done, you're going to option. That's crazy. I remember I had a holding deal with ABC and God bless ABC. They tried to put

me in a pilot. Pilot didn't go. But everybody told me when the pilot is done, you're going to have every agent talking to you because you're free now. No way. After the pilot was holding deal was done, every agency was like, we don't know what to do with you. I think my comedy was not. There's a way to do comedy for the industry and as a minority. and it kind of like plays on white guilt a lot. And it's like, hey, everybody feel sorry for me. And I just never felt like South Asians are oppressed. We go through some shit, but we're not oppressed. Is that really the only way to do it?

I don't know. Because Russell doesn't do that. Russell doesn't do that, but Russell's not an industry guy. He's not an industry darling. Matter of fact, the industry still doesn't really get Russell and how big he is. He doesn't give a fuck. He's not a person alive that gives less of a fuck than Russell.

I was telling him, I was like, I hope that doesn't bother you because you are in the best position a human being can be in. You're worth eight figures and you don't owe anybody anything. What did he say? He was like, yeah, you're right. I'm starting to see it that way, I think is what he said, which is good. I want Russell to understand how fucking amazing he is and how amazing he has it. Well, he got fucked during COVID because his whole income base was reliant upon live performances. Yeah, yeah.

So those guys, like he started a podcast. He's like, Joe, I finally took your advice. I started a podcast. I'm like, Jesus Christ, dude. I mean, it's a little late. Yeah, I'm going to go. I'm going to try to do it when I'm in LA if we can line it up. He's here this weekend.

He's going to be here this weekend. Oh, shit. I'm flying out tomorrow morning, I think. Is he here this weekend? No, next weekend. Sorry, he's here next weekend. He's the best. He's such an unusual person.

He's dude. The loyalty is where I'm like, if you're super loyal, I fuck with you. And when he posted that thing about you and he told me like anytime anybody gets in some controversy, he basically has told me story after story. He's like, yeah, I reached out to the guy. See how he's doing. We don't get get along but i know it sucks to go through that and i'm like dog that's dope of you to do yeah he's super solid yeah he's always been that way too but he's a guy that he'll go overseas and sell out stadiums i mean it's the biggest comic

in the world yeah years yeah for years like people don't understand like i mean he does well in america obviously but when he goes to other countries, dude, they go crazy. Yeah. Like, I've seen, like, I have friends who've opened for him, and they sent me photos of the audiences on the road. I'm like, holy shit. Are you at a palace?

Yeah. Dude, Prince of Jordan. The Prince of Jordan's like, come perform for me. It's fucking bananas. What? Yeah. Yeah, that's dangerous, man. Yeah. that's crazy

levels of I don't even know if I want to get there but he got there without the industry you can't miss step you cannot at all your son he'll stick a fucking tiger on you are you crazy you can't fuck around at all like you can't you can't like even remotely offend yes Yes. You gotta be so careful. Yeah, and especially like a Muslim country, you gotta be super careful. Just keep that shit all anti-women. One of the things, the first thing the Taliban did

when they took over Afghanistan is murder an Afghani comedian. Really? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, there was an Afghani, so you can find that, there was an Afghani comedian

who was critical of the Taliban. One of the first things they did when the United States left, they killed that dude. That's wild. Yeah. He was one of the first guys they went after. But you know that censorship is not only Afghanistan. India jailed a Muslim comedian for allegedly making an anti-Hindu joke. Allegedly.

There's no evidence that it happened. You can look this up, Jamie, if you're down. Munawar Faruqi. It's M-U-N-A-W-A-R. And then Faruqi is F-A-R-U-Q-U-I. He allegedly made a joke about Sita Ma, who's a Hindu goddess. There's no evidence of it whatsoever.

But just the hearsay was enough that he spent a month in jail. Oh, my God. Active suppression of freedom of speech over there. So someone claimed they heard it at a club someone claimed they heard it at a club and then they at a different show like followed him to that spot and then arrested him when he got out and they wouldn't let him out oh my god for a month and the only reason he got let out is because it became a big controversy

and they relented to pressure oh my god so that's where i'm talking to like the the people here the south asians who were doing the woke shit about like Apu. It's like, yo, where are you on this? You don't have to be an activist. I'm not an activist. But if you're going to be an activist, Apu ain't shit. Go free this guy. That's dangerous though.

Yeah. That's the difference, right? Well, yeah. I mean, I guarantee you I'll get death threats just for bringing this up and people will say I don't know. There's a time.com article also. Oh, it's BBC. That's fine too. How do you say this gentleman's name?

Manawar Faruqi. Manawar Faruqi. Munawar Farooqi. Yeah, and he- Is dangerous to crack a joke in India. So did he admit to the joke? No. He says, look, he spent a month in prison for jokes he didn't crack. He says he didn't make the joke.

I believe him. Oh, my God. But there is enough anti-Islam sentiment in India right now and enough censorship in India right now that everything has to be pro-Hindu, and I'm Hindu, proudly, but like, come on, Doug. I'm also pro-comic. You gotta be able to say jokes. So what was the joke supposedly? I don't even know.

I don't, because I don't really care. Like, just the idea. The joke hinted, what does it say? I think it said... Does it say? No, that just says...

I think it said he called her a bitch or something like that. Like, I got tweets about it when I tweeted, like, this is fucking crazy or whatever. I got responses like, he called Sita Ma a bitch or something like that. Like, I got tweets about it when I tweeted, like, this is fucking crazy or whatever. I got responses like he called Sita Ma a bitch or something like that. I don't think Sita Ma cares. I don't think God cares.

Who is Sita Ma? She's a goddess. We used to always read this epic or, like, watch the movies if you were me because you're not educated. But Ramayana and his wife was Sita. And Sita Ma means, like, mom. So Ramayana and Sita was his wife and he made jokes about Sita I don't think she cares I don't think Ram cares I don't I don't think either one of them is really sitting there like how dare this guy crack this joke and so what are the laws in India in terms of are there any sort

of protections of free speech it's supposed to be a democracy it's supposed to be freedom of speech it's supposed to be freedom of speech. It's supposed to be freedom of religion. It's supposed to be freedom of protest. But there is a lot of government suppression happening right now. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm the biggest activist. I'm not the woke guy. I'm not the soapbox guy. But I do think there's a lot of people, South Asians in the industry, who are strangely silent on this. But if it can benefit their career to bring up some shit like a poo, they're going to raise all kinds of hell about this. And this is what's happening where we're from,

where there's active suppression. And then we're undercutting our own free speech in this country, which I just think is wild. It's pretty crazy. If you're going to be for our people, be for our people. You know what I mean? Yeah, so here's what they're saying so the it's okay the cues to stand up who is muslim of hurting hindu sentiments

the intruder was referring not to a joke oh it's about a song fruity had made but one he'd uploaded on youtube in april of 2020 it referenced rama a wildly worshipped Hindu deity, and his wife Sita. Oh Lord, my beloved has come home. Farooqi starts dropping lyrics from an enormously popular Bollywood song, which a woman celebrates the return of her lover. Then comes the punchline. Ramji, don't give a fuck about your beloved. The audience erupts.

He says, I myself haven't returned home for 14 years. I think, yeah, I think the song is saying he's calling his beloved. I think he's comparing his beloved to Sita. And he's like, I'm like, well, Rom, whatever. And he's like, Rom, you don't care about your wife, dude. I think that's the point of the joke. Rom, I don't give a fuck about your wife. Imagine going to jail for that.

Dude, it's crazy. And I don't even know if the joke is there anymore. But yeah, he went to jail for a month. It's been deleted from YouTube, but pointed out that he's been punished already. Online commentators had sent him death threats. Two police complaints were filed against him. Whew. Yeah, dude, that's a thing.

And I don't have a solution to it. I'm not going to act like I'm the most informed person. I just think we're all going to be activists over here in this business. Y'all are probably smarter than me. Y'all could get on as opposed to this other shit. That's real. That's real. That's Crazy. Yes, it's dangerous. It's not a microaggression. It's a macroaggression and this is just a joke about religion It's a joke all it is. It's not even that offensive. I think it's more joke about a song Yeah, and a joke about religion. I grew up in the South. People take that badly in Texas.

In real Texas. Real Texas. Austin, they love it. Real Texas, they take it badly. But you're not going to jail. No. They're just offended. That's it. Go home. Get off the stage. Did you find the one about the Afghani comedian that got murdered by the Taliban? Yeah, sorry, Jim. I interrupted that. No,

no, it's good. I needed to know about that story. There it is. Yeah, so here's Taliban admit killing comic who was beaten hands tied in viral video. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Faisal Mohammed, popularly referred to as Kasha Zwan, was stationed in southern Kandahar province, was taken away by the Taliban after returning home about two weeks ago, according to an officer serving with him. That's fucking crazy.

I have a friend who's an Afghani journalist named Ali. He might have told me about this. Scroll back up, please, to the beginning of the article. It said the Taliban said they had killed an Afghan police officer, so he was a cop,

better known for posting humorous videos online after clips emerged on social media showing him being beaten and his dead body fuck that's so crazy yeah there's real problems in the world yeah real problems 100 and apparently there's like he'll send me this journalist ali latifi will send me videos of like white women saying like the Taliban really helped me out. And he's like, do you have any idea how much damage you're doing to our country by putting these videos out? He's like white liberal women are like, hey, I was trapped in Afghanistan. The Taliban helped me get out. And I haven't, I've been so fucking, I feel bad.

I've been so busy editing this special that I haven't had time to watch the full video yet. But it just seems crazy that this is, it just, dude, there's real misinformation out there. There's a real misinformation out there. That's just such foolishness too. Yeah. There's this weird foolishness where this rush to accept other cultures and to like, uh, pretend that human rights violations don't exist. If a person's of a certain minority or if a person if they live in a certain part of the world like it's okay yes right is right and wrong is wrong and there's gray area sometimes but sometimes there's not this is one where there's not it's just wild that that's still going on in the same time as like we're living here in fake

texas yeah dude you're just in the lap of luxury in fake Texas. It's all fake Texas. Everything's free and easy and everyone's nice to you. Vegan Texas. Friendly. I went to a vegan food truck the other day by accident. These motherfuckers were advertising chicken sandwiches and burgers. With apostrophes.

But it says plant-based and it says, what is happening here? Plant-based chicken? And then I realized, like, oh my God, this whole truck's vegan. We got to get out of here. Yeah, dude, come on. It's like, no. Yeah, you're an enemy of the state at that truck. You don't have chicken here. This is not chicken. It's C-H-I-K apostrophe N. But bro, they weren't even, like, saying. Like, the sign, like the placard was like chicken, Chicken sandwich. It spelled the real way. Yes. Wow.

That's false advertising. What are you guys talking about? But that's what they think chicken is in Austin. That's why you belong in Fort Worth, dog. Come on, man. Let's take you to Terry Black's Barbecue and show you what's up. I'm trying to eat.

I'm trying to take my guys, Kevin and Thushar, out for a celebratory meal tonight. Where should we go? Oh, Terry Black's a good spot. Terry Black's? If you want barbecue, but there's so many good spots. CW Smokehouse. All right, I'm'm gonna hit you up yeah maybe sushi spot or something oh there's a lot of good sushi spots yeah i don't want to say too many of them on the

air because i ruined them okay yeah all right i'll text you after but there's a lot of good spots all right if you guys want to roll you know as far as places to eat here it's amazing it's like places to eat and places to see live music. Like, fuck, there's so much good live music here, man. It is there. Oh, there is, man. I see a lot of lonely-ass musicians in bars at 2 p.m. Yeah, there's a lot of that, too.

But there's something about that that's kind of romantic. Like, we went to... You got rich too fast, Joe. You think so? Because you look at that like that's romantic. I look at that like that sucks. I've been there recently. Yeah, but there's something about going to a bar at midnight with some friends.

Like, hey, let's go have a drink. Like, Tony took us all out after a show one night. And he took us to, what is that place called? The White Horse? Yeah. The White Horse. And we watched this cat. i got a video of it find that video jamie on my uh the instagram but this dude it was you know one o'clock in the morning

somewhere around there ellis ballard this dude give me some volume. So we just show up. There's maybe like 10 fucking people in this bar. Yeah, yeah. And this fucking band is hot. They're great. They're great. And people start dancing. People start moving out to the dance floor. And I mean, there's fucking no one there.

I hate them, Joe. I hate these guys. You hate this kind of music? I'm not saying they're not good. No, I don't hate the music, but I know they're wearing that ironically. And that, even as a Texan, that bothers me.

Doesn't bother me at all. I know. That's why I live in fake Texas. Fake Texas, it fits like a glove. That sound is not so good for that video, but that guy's really good. He's got an album coming out in April. We had a great fucking time, and they were cool as fuck we took pictures no they seem talented just you know where your normal fucking that's how you like fans like

one guys wear a suit the other guys wearing like a whole overall yeah the coveralls they're it's a costume party for them that's cultural appropriation they're appropriating Texas culture. Interesting. Is that okay? Not, no, not from Austin. Not from Austin. I'll take it from Portland.

But you're in Texas. You know what I mean? Don't look your nose down on it. That's my only issue. Because I feel like Austin, and this is my main insecurity, is whenever I would leave Texas, people would always say, I hate Texas, but I love Austin. And then I started to really be like, you know what? Fuck that place. That's where all this comes from, if we're being honest.

Well, that's like liberals. Yes. Liberals can say, I hate Texas, but I love Austin because you can just be, you know, you're in Texas. You get all the juice out of Texas. Yes. Like you get the barbecue and you can have a gun. And you don't have to feel Republican or whatever. Right. It's the equivalent of, I like all music except country. Why? Have you heard country? Right. like you get to barbecue and you can have a gun and you don't have to feel Republican or whatever right

it's the equivalent of I like all music except country why have you heard country right I don't know a ton but there's some good shit

out there that's Jamie over there Phil Vassar Just Another Day in Paradise that's a fantastic song make you feel better about life I don't know that song at all

make you feel better about life Phil Vassar Just Another Day in Paradise yeah my I grew up in college I was friends with a kid who had a farm in Whitesboro and he'd take me out there and then I'd listen to some country ass songs Phil Vassar Just another day in paradise Yeah Mike I grew up In college I was friends with a kid

Who had a farm in Whitesboro And he'd take me out there And then I'd listen to some Country ass songs If you listen to it Listen to it on Spotify I think we are Hey they're not taking

Their music off These guys They're gonna put extra on They'll make a song about this The whole point of this song Is like he doesn't have any money he's in like a trailer

or whatever but everyday is paradise because he's with his kids and his wife you know what I mean that's a beautiful ass song pack of bills overdue this is the kind of music

you like I don't seek this out but I like it you know what I mean most music if you hear it enough you like it but this is you this out, but I like it. You know what I mean? Most music, if you hear it enough, you like it. But this is, you listen to this, you're like, oh, that's a beautiful song, man. This guy's got perspective.

Now I'm going deep into the Akash mindset. I'm trying to find out what's happening inside that head. Because this song is confusing the shit out of me. Where the fuck is there a beach like that in Texas? The ocean is in Texas. Yeah, but it ain't like that in Texas? The ocean is in Texas. Yeah, but it ain't like that. They made that Malibu, it looks like.

It's the same spot they made the Blink-182 video. You love that, huh? Look at you. Love it, dude. Look at it. It's Point Doom. You know who Colter Wall is? No.

Okay, this is real country music. I'm going to set you hip to Colter Wall. Colter Wall, when he made this this song put Kate McKinnon on this dude was 21 years old okay when he wrote this I probably won't appreciate this it's gonna upset you wait just wait I'm gonna be open mind. No no no no no no no don't play it live no no no No, no, no, no, that's not that that's that not the... Give me the one where it's the one, the recording from the album. Because the thing about the live one is like it's different. Is this his real name?

Listen to this. No, no, I like this. Listen to this. Ravenless, oh, a kid bird. His wings are black as sin And he floats outside my prison window Mocking those within This is good.

Yeah, wait, give it a second. And he sings to me real low. He's held to where you go. For you didn't murder Kate McKinnon. It's a song all about a guy murdering his girlfriend because he caught her with another man. He was in love with her. And he came home he caught her with another man He was in love with her And he came home and caught her with another man and murdered her

And he's in prison singing this They got some fucking writers This guy writes shit He writes all this shit He's 21 Listen to this voice Wow Yeah

No, I fuck with this Bro, this is haunting And if I heard this in a car, loudspeakers, I'd be real into it Yeah It's an amazing song, man This is haunting. And if I heard this in a car, loudspeakers, I'd be real into it. It's an amazing song, man. I mean, because it's like the lyrics and the soul of his voice. And even this fucking video.

Yeah. Look at this handsome son of a bitch. Look at that guy. Beautiful. Perfect hair. Honestly, he looks better than her. How dare she cheat on him? I see.

Well, the problem is, man, wild bitches are going to be wild. And if you get a wild bitch and you think you're going to calm her down, she's going to get bored, man. You've got to know. As a man, you have to know when you've got a wild one. Yeah. I don't know if you know, but my wife and I are each other's first.

Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. Keep it going. Give me some background. That's a nice background over this song about killing your girlfriend. How old were you? I was 31 when I met my wife.

I mean, we didn't wait until marriage, but I was like, I've waited long enough. But I was like, I'm going wife. I mean we didn't wait till marriage, but I was like I've waited long enough But I was like I'm gonna not I'm gonna try to not until I meet and then I've met my wife I was like no, you didn't have any sex until you're 31 31 Yeah, that's a commitment. I know I feel like that wasn't your choice Are you looking at me? Son, I'm a sex machine, Joe. It's just the amount of time that's passed.

I'm like, hmm, I have, I think other people might have had some decisions. Joe, look at me. I'm pure sex, Joe. I'm dripping sex. So this is the part. My darling angel's not inside. My darling angel's not inside So I made for the creek

Where she and I didn't meet Oh I found her with some other lover Nah, fuck with this. Yeah, dude, this is... I found her with some other lover. Nah, fuck with this. Yeah, dude, this is... This got real. Listen to this. Oh. Oh.

Dude, that's haunting. That's haunting. That's haunting. Fuck all that happy bullshit. Yeah. That's real country. So you could do both, Joe. You could do both. You could do both. You know what I mean?

You don't got to be this guy all the time. But right now, I'm just going to argue for fuck all that happy bullshit. I like this. You're like a Johnny Cash guy. Fuck, yeah. I had a dog named Johnny Cash. Really? Yeah.

I went to the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville. Over the Hall of Fame. The Country Music Hall of Fame. Dude, Johnny Cash was the shit. I didn't know enough. I wanted to learn. Oh my God. Again, I don't seek out country.

I'm a hip hop and Bollywood kid, frankly. But then if country gets brought to me, I'll never say no. That's a weird take. Everything except country, it's a hecky take It's a silly. Maybe you're better than that. No, Jamie's not Jamie turned me on the culture wall Okay, I'm just joking around but you know Jamie's open-minded when God is but there's a bunch of shit He does not like that. I like Yeah, there's a lot is just you know you like rascal flats

Um, I don't not really familiar you get familiar do it. Yeah, it's a fun It's just You know You like Rascal Flatts? Um I don't Not really familiar You get familiar dude It's a fun time It's a fun time Okay Yeah it's great I could see Akash

With a fucking cowboy hat Out here I'm a Texan Joe I understand But I could see you With like the boots Cowboy hat I mean I know

I would look ridiculous With boots So I won't do it I think you could Pull it off You think? Have you seen Tony On stage now?

Yeah He wears boots And the cowboy hat Everywhere He'd do it in arenas. He goes on stage with a cowboy hat. I mean, it's Austin. He can do it in Austin.

No, he does it everywhere. Really? Yeah, everywhere. Yeah. Wow, he's leaning in. After he got canceled, he decided to only go on stage with cowboy boots and a big belt buckle. He wears like Western shirts and a cowboy hat.

You feel like an outfit he wears now. Yeah, I've seen him doing that. I thought he was a bit. Oh, no, no. He leans into it. Oh, wow. Good for him. He loves it. He goes, there's something like an outfit he wears now. I've seen him doing that. I thought he was a bit. Oh, no, no. He leans into it. Oh, wow. Good for him. He loves it.

He goes, there's something about the way I dress now. I just feel it when I'm on stage. Isn't he from Ohio, Jamie? Yes, he's from Youngstown. Oh, well. He's committed. He's committed. I'm not going to hate on it.

I'm telling you, man. Look, I've known Tony forever. But over the last year, he just has fallen into this cowboy outfit. Yeah. And he wears it every day. And it makes sense. I think Tony's in a dark place then. No, he's fine.

I'm going to talk to this. I'm seeing him tonight. It killed Tony. He's murdering. I'm going to talk to him. When I see him, if I see him without his cowboy outfit, I'm like, what's wrong? Why are you dressed like a normal person? Why aren't you wearing your period costume?

You know? You're fucking, he's giant ass belt buckles. He's doing Back to the Future 3. He's like, look, I got a new one. He's got these phone iPhones for belt buckles. He's giant ass belt buckles. Oh, you're back to the iPhone.

I remember listening to your Andrew episode. I re-listened to it recently and you're back to your iPhone. I have both. Oh, you have both. Yeah, I have a Samsung phone too. I have both. You're rich enough. Just get a flip phone. Should I? Get rid of Yeah, I have a Samsung phone, too. I have both. You're rich enough.

Just get a flip phone. Should I? Get rid of all of it. You're still doing your own booking? When I got a text from you, I was like, what's happening? This is crazy. Yeah, I do it all myself. Yeah, dude.

But I mean, I have someone who reaches out to certain people, but I put it all on my phone. Buddy, get a flip phone. Disconnect from the world. You're worth too much. Jerry Jones has a flip phone. Yeah, but I don't pay attention. This works better than a flip phone. I can make videos with this You're worth too much. Jerry Jones has a flip phone. Yeah, but I don't pay attention. Like, this works better than a flip phone.

I can make videos with this. I'm not stupid. All right. Fair enough. I'm just disciplined. Oh, you're disciplined. Okay, I'm not. But that's what it is.

I just avoid all the distractions and all the bullshit. I just deleted Twitter like 20 minutes ago. Ted Cruz retweeted my video, my bring back a poo thing. With a thing. Like with that emoji where you're touching your face. Which I was trying trying to figure out does that mean he agrees with the bit or disagrees with the part about like you know uh oversell overpriced products for unwitting white people and then i asked my friend who's smarter than me and he was like he's a guy that's waiting to see how it gets received and then he'll lean one way or the other interesting yeah interesting i've

shit on ted cruz a lot did, dude, him going to Cancun as a Texan, that pissed me off so much. Because the whole ethos of Texas is stay and fight. That's the Alamo. Yeah. So when he ran, I was like that's the least Texan shit ever. Fuck that. But what are you supposed to do when your power is out and you have

the money to go to Cancun for a week with your family? If you could go to Cancun, Jamie could go to Cancun for a week with your family. Help the people. If you could go to Cancun. I can go to Cancun. Jamie could go to Cancun. You're not politicians. That's right. You're not fucking whatever he is, senator, whatever he is. Help people. Yeah.

Stay there. Fight. Help people. I see what you're saying, but I also see like you're not going to do any good. You wouldn't leave your dog. Thaws out. Oh, that's true. He left his dog.

Oh, that's a big. That's a shitty thing to do, bro. Yeah. I can't. Hey, Ted. Left your Hey, take a tip. Left your fucking dog at your house, dying. But is someone watching his dog? Probably not.

He's looking out the window, starving to death. Just left a big bowl of food. Yeah, fucking unbelievable. Garbage pail full of food. Unbelievable. Figure it out, bitch. I'll see you in five days. But then as soon as he retweeted, I was like, delete Twitter.

Nothing good is going to come from whatever happens. Ah, from Ted Cruz retweeting you. Is there any politicians that you would Cruz retweeting you. Yeah. Is there any politicians that you would want retweeting you? Barack would be fire. Oh, that would be interesting. That'd be fire. He's a former politician, right?

Are you ever a former politician? No, I don't think you can be. He's like a Marine. Especially president. I think you'd be a former congressman. Right. Former president, no chance. Right. Like Al Franken is a former politician.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disgraced politician yeah but not even for anything it's like the most minor of shit dude that guy could have been president yeah he was charismatic enough they took him out for nothing yeah it was not really cannibalized him yeah and they need somebody now well they need someone like him too he's a genuinely patriotic guy with a deep knowledge of politics. Yeah, and they got... He could draw the whole country

by hand, like all the states in the perfect shape and size. Really? Wow. Yeah, see if you can find that. No, you don't need to find that, Jimmy. No, you should just see it, because it's kind of crazy. Al Franken drawing the country. Do you know how much you have to study the United States to draw all 50 states?

Is he just autistic? By mind. Like, look at this. He's doing this while he's talking to people about it. So this is a time lapse of it. But I mean, this motherfucker is literally making a perfect map. He's actually killing it.

It's wild, dude. Who the fuck can do this? You have to know a lot about the country to be able to draw the Great Lakes in the perfect size. Look, he's got where Michigan is, and look how he's doing this. No, I should respect this more than I do. You don't at all? I don't, not at all, but I just, you know, he's just got Asperger's to me. You think so?

No, but it's easier for me to write off than to actually be impressed. This is my I don't want to give in to happy music moment. You know, and you didn't want to give in to the happy country? This is my dig in moment. Yeah, I'm not saying I would want this. Like, look how he nails Texas. He nails the whole thing. Oh, it's all right.

Come on, man. Texas is his least accurate one. Pretty good. Pretty good. It's a hard state to draw. Look at this. He's going to go's all right. Come on, man. Texas is the least accurate one. Pretty good. Pretty good. It's a hard state to draw. Look at this. He's going to go into California. Look at that, bro.

That's impressive as fuck. You got Alaska. Okay. All right. I'll be impressed. Get in there with Hawaii. Look at that. Okay, you know what?

Come on, son. Hawaii, he fucking bodied. He bodied Hawaii. Hawaii's perfect. It's amazing. Yeah. What he's doing, that's very impressive. Without even tracing anything, he's just not a picture to look at.

He's doing it off the top of his head. And I hear a point. In 2024, I don't know who the Democrats have. They could use him. They're trying to bang on Gavin Newsom. They're trying to like make it. That guy sucks. They're trying to make it so he's okay. Do you see what Garcetti, they got busted taking photos with no mask

on. Garcetti said he held his breath. That's so stupid. It's so stupid. What are you doing, dude? He held his breath that's so stupid it's so stupid what are you doing dude he held his breath oh oh you fucking child he goes whenever i take my mask off i hold my breath there's zero chance of transmission so stupid are you positive are you first of all are you are you sick like what are you talking about it's just such a lie it's just such a lie it's so dumb it's so see-through don't be so see-through. If you're not sick, you're not going to get someone sick, you fuck. You don't need to have a mask on if you're not sick.

This is crazy. Look, I agree with you. I agree with you on that. Now, I'm more pro-vaccine than you, but I also think you shouldn't have to take the vaccine. My problem is fat anti-vaxxers. Yes. Well, that's the thing. I encourage everyone vulnerable to get vaccinated.

You know. But I also encourage them to lose weight. Yeah. I encourage everyone vulnerable to get vaccinated. You know. But I also encourage them to lose weight. Yeah. I encourage them to start being healthy. Take care of yourself. It's like now you care about your health, you fat fuck? Well, if you had a year and a half of the pandemic, now it's like two years, right? That's so much time to lose weight.

And we know that that has a major effect on health outcomes. Yes. Not just with COVID, but with basically everything in your life. When you're obese, you have the higher risk for cancer, high blood pressure, strokes, heart attacks, everything goes up with obesity. It's a terrible disease. And it's one of the most avoidable in terms of like, there's physical things you can do, like exercise that can mitigate it. There's dietary choices you like exercise that can mitigate it.

There's dietary choices you can do that can mitigate it. You can change the way you eat. You can start supplementing with vitamins and nutrients. You can start. And these are not like super expensive things you have to do. In fact, you're going to eat less. Yes. You're going to eat less.

And workouts don't have to be, you don't have to do CrossFit workouts the day. You can just do some push-ups and sit-ups and walk around. There was a guy, I forget who was telling me this story. It was pretty recently. There was a DJ. And he lost a fuckload of weight. And what he would do was, every time he put a song on, he would leave his booth. The song was a three-minute song.

And he would walk around the booth like a song was like three minutes on and he would walk around the the office like go around the studio and then go in towards the end of the song and then change the song next song and then do it again and this guy did that for a year and he lost like 60 pounds dude before jared started fucking children he just walked and ate some subway jared how crazy was that one that was the wildest is he still in jail yeah there's a quote you could you could look this up james a couple weeks ago he was like uh something like uh i made some bad decisions or something like that it's like buddy you fucked kids what are you talking about bad decisions bad decision is

getting a big mac instead of your subway normally you You fucked children. Yeah. How old were they? I think 15, 16, something like that. Oh, I royally screwed up. There it is. Oh, he speaks for first time from prison. Hey, you don't say, huh? You royally screwed up. What do you think is up with a guy that does something like that?

Do you think that when they were a teenager, something is frozen in their emotional development? That's got to be something. They only identify with other teenagers. Maybe they're like so socially backwards that like anyone their age doesn't want to have anything to do with them and they feel like young, young people are the only ones that they could convince

to like them. I'm playing real pop psychiatrist here, so this is probably wrong. But you know what? It could be with a guy like that. It was a time period where he probably really wanted a lot of girls Which was his teenage years and they probably really were like they treated him like shit rejected him Then when he lost weight, he was like, oh I could get those girls like he probably never lost that It's the same way like I've heard my cousin's psychiatrist He said some people get stuck in a developmental stage like

If they don't get like acceptance their father or whatever, they get stuck in a certain teenage stage and they just kinda stay there. It could be something like that, where like, those are the girls that rejected me at my most vulnerable time, so maybe that's the girls they're still drawn to, because those are the ones that rejected him and it hurt him the most. That totally makes sense.

I'm just talking out of my ass, but it makes a little sense. Both goofy psychologists here. Yes, 100%. But what's crazy is the guy was successful. He was doing really good, and yet he was still trying to date high school kids. Yeah, to date real women, hot women. And also wanted them to keep their mouth shut.

Yeah. You're asking a 14-year-old to keep a secret. Yo, you don't think she's tweeting about this buddy? It's totally illegal. Yeah. You're like, you're banking your whole future on a teenage kid keeping a secret. A child, a teenage girl, the gabbiest girls on the planet. Who just fucked the subway guy.

How could she not tell people? Dude, to her, that's a fucking, that's a hit. That's a rock star. Do you know how many girls I've talked to that had sex with grown men while they were in high school? I've talked to so many girls, especially girls my age, that when they were 15, 16 years old, they had affairs with 30-year-old guys. That's so crazy, dude. I'm watching this show. I don't know how accurate it is, but do you watch Euphoria?

No. I watch Euphoria, and there's multiple scenes of women having sex with dudes who are like grown men, and they're in high school. And I was wondering how accurate the show was, and I was like, is that some shit that happens a lot?

Because that's crazy. And then hearing you say that, almost confirmed, like, dude, that's crazy. Yeah, when I was in high school, my friend, she had like a relationship with one of the teachers. And she was 17 and the teacher was like 30.

Yeah, we had two teachers that went to jail, I think, for that. Or like one, I think, might have got away with it and then got fired later. And then one went to jail. I mean, the police wrote a song about it. Don't Stand So Close To Me. I heard about that. Young teacher. Yeah.

The subject of schoolgirl fantasies. I heard there was a bunch of songs that are talking about 14-year-old girls. Like Mick Jagger, I think. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. How about Kiss? Gene Simmons had a song called Christine 16. I mean, it's wild that we don't.

We're like retroactively canceling all kinds of shit, and these guys are like, yeah, but you know. What is this? Don't stand so close to me. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's rough, huh? know. What is this? Don't stand so close to me. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's rough, huh? Yeah.

Fuck me, that's rough. Well, if you are a guy and you're living in the time where they wrote these songs and you're a 30-year-old guy and someone's almost legal, it's like they'll be legal in a year, but not now. Yeah. And there's this weird tension and the girl's flirting him, and he doesn't know what to do. It's a different era. Yeah, yeah.

And they would write these songs about that, whereas no one would write a song about that today. Yeah. He was like, wait a minute, are you saying you want to fuck kids? Is that your song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey! No! It's like, no, no, I'm not gonna.

I'm just saying, don't stand so close to me. I'm saying I'm trying to be patient. It's her fault. Don't stand so close to me because my dick is hard as a rock. I'm trying to be a good person. I'm the good guy here. She's the one that's the temptress. Yeah, you goddamn siren dragging me into the rocks.

But the crazy thing is Like if it's the opposite Literally no one gives a fuck If it's a 15 year old boy And a 30 year old lady Who had the best joke Galifianakis had a joke And he goes did you hear about it This boy died because he was having

An affair with his high school teacher Yeah his friends high fived him to death. That's great. I don't feel anything. Don't feel bad at all. No. No, you don't feel bad at all. There's an age at which it's going to fuck the kid for sure.

Like 13, 12, 11, that kid is fucked. 15, 16. He's fine. Even 13, he's going to be fine if he's got a good dad. You're going to be fine, kid. Keep moving. Walk it off. Listen, you found out about something awesome early.

But it depends on what the woman looks like. If she looks like a cafeteria lady, if she's a giant football player looking lady. But then it's only up from there. Yeah, but that's gross. If someone's gross, then it's not good. Then it's illegal. Then it's like, what did they do to my fucking kid? Then it's a crime.

Right. But if she's like Sofia Vergara, then you're like, you son of a bitch. You're right. You know? But then you're set up for disappointment for the rest of your life. Maybe not. Who else is going to do that? Maybe the kid's off to the races.

Mary Kay Letourneau, not bad looking. We want to be honest about it. She wasn't that bad. We want to be honest about it. Yeah, and also crazy. And that's the thing we're talking about, like the Colter Wall song. Yeah. Wild bitches.

You can't tame a wild bitch. You can't tame them. You can't, like, yeah. I mean, if you meet a girl and the first time you meet her, she fucks all of your friends. Yeah. Like, that's not going to be your wife. No, that's not it. That's not the one. If you meet a girl and the first time you meet her she fucks all of your friends Yeah Like that's not gonna be your wife No that's not it That's not the one

If you're all doing coke together and she fucks everyone you know You can't think like hey let's go for coffee and then like have like a normal relationship No she's crazy Yeah it's done You can't try to change that Appreciate her for who she is She's the wild bitch But don't try to cuff that one out

No 100% Hey that's your country song don She's the wild bitch. But don't try to cuff that one out. No, 100%. Hey, that's your country song. Don't tame a wild bitch. You gotta let people be wild. There's wild people out there, man. Yeah, can't tame the wild spirits. There's certain people that, like, the world needs variety.

Yes. You need all kinds of different people. Yes. And you can't tame the wild ones. No, you let her live single. Let her roam free. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you have to. You don't have the wild ones. No. You let her live single. Let her roam free. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you have to.

You don't have options. Yeah. You just gotta just like, that's what it is. She gonna force it. If you try to force your way in, she gonna force her way out. You can't take a wolf and make it sit. They don't sit. They don't listen.

There you go. Tell a wolf to sit. He'll be like, fuck you. Yeah, that's true. He'll be like, sit. Lie down. He'll be like, uh-uh. I'm not lying down.

Fuck you talking about? That's a wild animal. Yeah. She's a wild bitch're like, sit, lie down. He'd be like, uh-uh. I'm not lying down. What the fuck are you talking about? That's a wild animal. Yeah. She's a wild bitch. She's an untamable horse, too. She's an untamable stallion. She's a woman of power and purpose, and she likes to fuck a lot of people. And that's what she wants.

You got to let her be her. Yeah, let her live, man. But in this society, it's frowned upon. No, no, we don't slut shame anymore. No, it's over? Now it's celebrated. Oh, let her live, man. But in this society, it's frowned upon. No, no, we don't slut shame anymore. Now it's over? Now it's celebrated. Oh, slut celebrated. We live in New York. They're all so confused there. They don't know what to do. Crime's free. Everything's legal. Dude, I don't

like New York. Andrew moved us back there and I hate him for it. Why didn't you stay in Miami? This idiot wanted to be better at comedy. Loser. He thinks that being in New York makes you better at comedy? No, here's actual reasoning and it made sense to me. He was like, I need to be better at comedy loser. He thinks that being in New York makes you better at comedy No, here's actual reasoning and it made sense to me. He was like I need to be around the overreactors To be to draw material from huh? Whereas in Miami everybody's so disconnected and so kind of happy in their own bubble

You're not you don't have anything to react against in New York Everybody's reacting to all this dumb shit and then you can always, you can react to them reacting and that's where you can draw material. Yeah. At that, in this time in my life,

I'm doing so much stuff about being married and relationships, my first relationship, so like, to me it was whatever and I'll, you know,

but for him, it's like, nah, I need to be in New York and I still hate him for it. I would much rather be, but I do think New York is gonna

clean up crime-wise. I got faith in this mayor, Eric Adams. Do you? Because he don't give a fuck, dude. Did you see this controversy he got in where he was like, we need to get back to business being open because my low-skill employees, the guys who work at Dunkin' Donuts, the guys who work at McDonald's, they don't have the skills to work in office jobs.

They need these jobs open. And everybody was saying that was a mean thing for him to say, and they got pissed at him i love that he said that he's telling the truth low-skill employees yeah they're they can't work in a you think a fucking starbucks barista could be the ceo of pfizer eat my ass dude no he's honest he don't give a fuck and i like him for it yeah isn't that interesting that that's a controversial thing to say that there are low-skill employees yeah it's just the stupidest i think aoc tried to say, that there are low skill employees. Yeah. It's just the stupidest. I think AOC tried to high horse it and was like, I was a bartender and it's way harder than being a politician.

That's because politicians aren't real jobs. Yeah. You just kiss everybody's ass for a living. You don't have, you have the lowest skill job, but you couldn't be a doctor as a bartender. I promise a doctor's harder. Yeah, it's way harder. So there are high skill jobs. There are low skill.

Comedy, not a high skill job. It's hard. Oh, it's a high skill So there are high-skilled jobs. There are low-skilled jobs. Comedy, not a high-skilled job. It's hard. Oh, it's a high-skilled job. It's a high-skilled job, but anybody could do it. You just do it. Not everybody could do it. There's a very small percentage of people that could do it. You think so?

Yeah. I think if you just train, you could do it. I think there's jobs that, like, no matter how much training you do, you're probably not smart enough to pull it off. It depends on where you're starting from. Because some people have a personality that lends itself to comedy and some people have a view of things that like they they can see things that other people don't see and they like to point them out okay but some people they don't have that at all i think that's

the comics we like we're drawn to those and those are the great comics But if you just want to be proficient at comedy you can be the fucking clapper comic you can be the zany comic I don't know. I think I think it's harder than that I think that I think we're lucky because we have whatever the gene is that lets you do comedy But there's some people that don't have it like you've seen some people that are unfixable you see them on stage I've seen a hand small handful that it like, you will never be good at this. They just can't. There's something, there's a disconnect

between the way they see the world and what the world really is. And they can't do it. Have you never seen a comic that you thought was going to be terrible and then you come back and see them later

and you're like, oh shit, you got this. I feel like I see that more than the guy who just stays shitty. I can think of one guy in my mind who's sucked for 15 years.

And I obviously won't say his name, but I'm like, wow,'m just kidding no the guy doesn't like me so i could but uh yeah why doesn't he like you i don't know he told he thinks um so my parents used to own my parents have like had money lost money had money lost money and he tells for some reason this matters to him he says i pretend i'm my parents are poor and they're really not or something like that you do that well i would say we didn't have money when we had money with failing restaurant that was you know we would feed people why does he give a fuck i don't know dude it's such a weird lie for me to tell and also why would you care if i lied about it that's probably why he's not funny probably he thinks about stupid shit probably and like it was really fixated on like telling a bunch of people and it really bothered me for a while and then i was like oh that's the loser mentality that is the loser mentality yeah because it's wasted resources

trying to diminish someone and he probably sees you climbing up and doing well and getting respect and killing and he doesn't like it yeah it's angry yeah so so he starts hating on your past but that's yeah but that's the only guy that's not funny and never will be fun oh there's a lot of those guys i know a lot of those guys outside of homeless people like there's homeless people doing comedy in la for 20 years and that's true too yeah there's a few of those that's who you are but there's a guy there's a homeless guy that used to do comedy in la that was really funny boom he was just uh robert william aprovada but yeah boom shakalaka yeah yeah he's he's funny yeah but he's just he was always like selling records and shit at the store to come by

with t-shirts he always had something to sell that's so funny he's nice though he was always nice to me nice guy yeah but um no robert william aprovita was a he was a lawyer that went crazy, or was crazy always, and would do only weed comedy. Like would do weed comedy, wear the same suit every time. He would always be there at the end of the open mic nights. He couldn't shake his hand, but he was very friendly. He just had this like distance thing with people, but he was funny.

Like he had some good jokes, made me laugh. Why homeless then? Because he was crazy he was crazy ah there you go or he is crazy yeah i hope he's still okay but he's you know there's something there it's like a schizophrenia or something something something legit got you a legit issue yeah disconnect something yeah i mean like have you ever known someone that was pretty normal and then they lost it? Not yet, knock on wood. That like I saw someone lose it, no. I know a couple people like that, that were pretty functional. Yeah.

Pretty functional. And then life just threw them a couple of curveballs and Joey Diaz threw them a couple of edibles. That's a real one, man. If you know anybody that's got like schizophrenic tendencies, don't let them eat weed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's big. one man If you know anybody that's got like schizophrenic tendencies Don't let them eat weed Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah That's big Any mental health tendencies just stay off Stay sober stay everything

For sure stay away from edibles I don't know what it is about edibles And some people but it's almost like The barrier that keeps the crazy out Is very porous And the edibles open holes in that barrier and they can never close it back up again dude edibles are i don't smoke weed i had a delta i'll do cbd i had a delta 8 gummy from wax you know charlamagne's guy wax and it was like however

many milligrams i ate half i didn't feel anything the next day i ate a whole one i felt fine until i went to sleep i woke up The fucking room was spinning, dude. For the next 20 hours, I was on a plane. The fuck? I thought we were crashing every five minutes. It was wild. Edibles are wild. I'll smoke and I'll just be like, yeah, it's relaxing, CBD, whatever.

Edibles are wild. It's a totally different drug. And it's so, it's like a fucking, you got to be so exact with the amount. Yeah, and they're not made by scientists. No. They're fucking bathtub gin makers, these assholes. Prohibition bootleggers, dude. Yeah. They're making it in some kitchen in some fucking weird apartment somewhere. Yeah, man. I wish though, because that combines, you know, two great things, food and feeling high. Yeah. It's a different high. See, when you smoke marijuana, you get THC, but when you eat it,

it's processed by your liver, and it produces something called 11-hydroxy metabolite. It's four times more psychoactive than THC. I had a whole bit about it, because I ate pot and I talked to dolphins on a boat once.

I had this communication with them. Well, they were playing with the boat, and I realized these dolphins on a boat once. What were they saying? I had this communication with them. Well, they were playing with the boat, and I realized these are like water people. It's not as simple as an animal. Dolphins literally try to play with you when you have a boat. Yeah. There's something about them that's crazy intelligent. Yeah.

But because I was so high, I would make eye contact with them when they were jumping through the water, and they look at you and I was like, tripping out that this intelligent, playful, thoughtful creature is like looking at me. Also a rapist. Isn't that wild? Not just a rapist. Infanticide. Wild.

They kill babies to force the female to breed again. That's wild. It's wild. And it's one of the reasons why female dolphins are sluts. Like female dolphins fuck as many male dolphins as they can so that when the male dolphin sees them with their offspring, the male dolphin's like, oh, I remember I fucked her. Oh, wow. Because she won't breed.

I think it's for like six years while she's raising the dolphin cub. Oh, Jesus. And so the males used to just kill the dolphin cubs to force the female to breed again. Yeah. But when the female has sex with a bunch of males, then the male will see her and see the kid and go, oh, that might be my kid.

It might be my kid. Yeah. Dude, that's an evolutionary staple. I remember when I was pre-med, they made you take an evolution class and the fundamental principle always stuck with me is there's two things you gotta know. Genetic investment, meaning our sperm is very cheap, so that's why we try to fuck everything, The most fundamental principle always stuck with me is there's two things you got to know genetic investment

Meaning our sperm is very cheap. So that's why we try to fuck everything and women's eggs are very rare and valuable So that's why they hold on to them Yeah And also mama's baby Papa's maybe so the male looks at offspring and never knows if it's his in any species Except humans like 20 years ago a blood test. So you never know if that kid is yours or not So I'm gonna to fuck everything, and when I see kids, hopefully they're mine. And the woman knows it's mine. I don't have to worry about it.

So that drives all of evolution. That was stuck with me this whole time. And then I think that got subverted or confused when birth control came along. Yeah. Because then all of a sudden two things were happening. One, women were taking these hormones that tricked their body into thinking,

tricked their body into thinking, I got to stop gotta stop this laird coffee is so good but the problem is it coats my fucking throat with this you have some neuro gum buddy turmeric and um you want that thank you i do love that stuff but um what was i saying uh evolution and birth control oh that women with birth control it tricks your body and thinking you're pregnant all the time. Right. It's really kind of crazy that women go through that. Yeah. Because you're putting your body in a state where it thinks it's already pregnant, so you jack it up, you fuck up your hormone profile,

and then by doing that, it also confuses a woman like her choices in life. It changes the way you behave and think about relationships with other people. Yeah, but I don't understand though. Some women have to take birth control to regulate their hormones. Like some women's hormones are out of whack, so they need to take birth control to regulate it. Like if you have PCOS or anything like that. What is PCOS? Polycystic ovarian syndrome. And I know it's prevalent in the South Asian community that's why I know what it is I don't know much about it but I know they often have to take birth control to level out their hormones I've heard of women taking it also to uh like for like acne like

people have acne problems they put them on birth control I I've heard of one called spironolactone spironolactone is a DHT inhibitor. Yeah, and I think that helps with acne also. I don't know if it's just for that, but that also helps with similar stuff. Usually it's taken for PCOS as well. I think spironolactone is the stuff you use to stop hair loss. I think that's a DHT inhibitor. Is that true? Spironolactone?

I think it's also used to stop hair growth. But it's, it came up for both when I was Googling it. Okay, so it's probably both things. So it's like, for a woman

to rely on a man to take birth control, that's not, that's too risky. Yeah. Dude's gonna lie. Yeah. Yeah,

I'm on the pill. Yeah, yeah, 100%. I'm gonna shoot it in there and make you pregnant. That'd be annoying. Pulling out,

it's a tough game. It's a tough game. That's a tough game. It's a tough game. Yeah. It's a tough game. And then there's also like there's a birth control pill that they've come up with for men, but I think it murders your testosterone. I think that's how it works.

Oh, that's fucked. Dude, I don't have any testosterone to spare. I can't do that shit. I think it kills your boys, but it also kills the factory. Yeah. It kills the men. It kills everybody. Yeah, dog.

It kills everybody. You're just a drone, but that's like the future of men anyway. The future of men, if the wokesters have their way, everyone will be built like a popsicle stick. They're not going to have their way, dude. I'm telling you,

we're just finding equilibrium. And they're going to overcorrect it, but nobody really respects these people. Like the overwoke people. And that's the beauty of the internet. And once we found, and this is what the beauty of what I think Andrew did opening a YouTube for our generation is like,

the industry didn't really want to give me anything. I put this thing out and in two days, it got 400,000 views. That's wild. And there's, you know, other stuff that, about how Apu was hurtful. I don't think 400,000 people out and in two days it got 400 000 views that's wild and there's you know other stuff that about how apu is hurtful i don't think 400 000 people saw that in two days there's think pieces about it right but views from the cis is a comedy special about views from a cis white male which is supposed to be the least popular thing on earth i think got six million

views find me a comedy special that got six million views about any of the woke stuff right so I think I'm not as worried about it it's almost good they exist because it gives us something to rail against oh it does without them what are we

it is it's fuel yeah the wokesters are fantastic fuel for comedy also it's like their comedy sucks yes

it just doesn't have any heat to it because comedy without her feelings isn't funny it's just not comedy without victims comedy without victims feelings isn't funny. It's just not. Comedy without victims. Comedy without victims cannot. And then they'll still watch a fictitious show where like Steve Carell is a fucking autistic person running around managing an office in the office.

And that's funny, but it's funny because he's always an asshole. And he's always hurting people's feelings or getting his feelings hurt. But you laugh at that because it's fictitious. We're not being fully real. We're not being fully real. We're not being fully literal. We're playing with reality. Right. So we're just applying the same principles.

You just feel like it's more real, so it hurts you. And the woke people are condemned to claptor. Yes. They're condemned to the kind of humor that only works with people that have like rabidly subscribed to that ideology. So when you say they're like, yes, yes. Oh my God, this is so funny. But they're not really laughing.

Never laughing. They're not crying laughing. That sucks on a primal level. You have to feel that as a comic. Yeah, yeah. The feeling when an audience fucking, there's a, especially mostly with like relationship stuff, when I say certain things,

I'll feel the men laugh and the women laugh in a way that's like, dude, I hit them on a fucking deep level. Like I hit a thing that happens to them every single day and you feel that with them and you don't get that with this. True. You just don't.

You don't get that. But some people love that clap shit. They love, I think those are people without podcasts. They love to make a point that what we really need to do is stop carrying water for all the blah, blah, blah. Bleh! Yay!

Or they have podcasts that suck. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of people who have podcasts that suck, and they've never said anything offensive, and that's why no one listens to your podcast. That's the most confusing thing ever, is how many podcasts there are. Yeah, I mean, everybody thinks they have something to say. There's so many. That's the downside of the internet and Twitter

and social media. Everybody thinks their opinion matters. I think Patrice had an old bit about this. You have to earn an opinion. You shouldn't just be given an opinion in public. Comics earn that shit. We go on stage, even if we don't agree with what they say, the Claptor guys, they're going on stage and saying it. How many podcasts are there now?

Let's take a guess. I would guess hundreds of thousands. What are you talking about? It was millions before. Oh, really? It's way more than that. In America? Yeah. No, worldwide.

I don't know if they have it in America. I'm going to say it's probably close to 3 million now, because it was like 2 million six months ago. It wasn't even close, dude. Fuck me. I can't find anything more updated than that original stat we found a couple years ago. I'm grabbing a cigar. Two million.

Do it. What is the number? It says there's two million, but then now I'm seeing like there are just under a million active podcasts. So there could have been up to two, almost three. It says 2.7 million. That means a million people wised up. But then they stopped doing it. Good for them.

They did three episodes and tuned out. There's a lot of that. Dude, I wish I liked cigars. That is some man shit. It's man shit. You can grow to like it. I just hate the taste. Just take a smell.

I have my own cigars. I know. That's fire. I saw that too. Come on, son. You want to try it? No, I've tried it. I can't do it.

Can't do it at all? Can't. I just hate the taste. I'll do the thing where I just leave it in my mouth and I'm like, I can't fucking do it. Dude, I'm a square. I should be a woke comic, Joe. No. It's not my heart, but it in my mouth and I'm like, I can't fucking do it. Dude, I'm a square. I should be a woke comic, Joe. No. It's not my heart,

but it is my body. That's hilarious. But it's not your personality. No, not at all. You can't be woke. I can. It's not my spirit. You're too funny.

No, thank you. I appreciate that. You have to give up on funny if you want to be woke. Yeah, I can't do it. Has anybody ever been woke and given up on it and become good? That's a good question. I am curious. And there's got to be woke. Yeah, I can't do it. Has anybody ever been woke and given up on it and become good?

That's a good question. I am curious. And there's got to be a good woke comic. There's got to be one I can't fucking think of off the top of my head. But I'm sure if I watch some, I'm like, nah, they're skilled at this thing. Some of them get burned.

They start out woke and then they get burned. And then they realize, like, oh my God, I can't be woke. This is bullshit. Yeah, it's too much to get cannibal. They came for me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen, we've seen that with some big comics who i can't be woke this is yeah it's too much to get cannibal they came for me oh yeah yeah yeah i've seen that we've seen that with some big comics who really tried to be woke kings and then you made one mistake and they fucking destroyed you and now all of a sudden

they're reasonable hey why can't we be reasonable bro you've made your bed now lie in that bitch yeah you you got some apologizing to do something yeah. Yeah. To us. You turn your back. Yeah, to us. The one group of humans that you associate with. Yes. There's not that many of us. Yeah. Dude, that's a, Andrew always says, ape shall not kill ape. And I think there's a lot of truth to that. I haven't been as good at that about him.

I'll criticize some comics here and there or whatever. But like, yeah, but it's a small number of us, man. We got to protect each other. There's maybe a thousand of us on earth. Yeah. Professional, real, legitimate comics making a living doing stand-up. Maybe a thousand on earth Which is crazy because there's a million doctors just the United States. Yeah. Yeah, so we are the smallest percentage We can't sit here and cannibalize each other. No, it's so dumb Especially publicly tweeting or being like yo, this is fucked up. That's fuck. Come on. The people that are doing that are all failures. If they're not, it's true. They're either failures or they're like half assed. Like they, they kind of like they're lazy. They don't, they didn't really fully invest their, their specials or can they're all right. Yeah. And I think there's an insecure, like when I was a much more insecure person, like I've worked on myself a lot, therapy five years and figuring out like, where's my self-worth and what is, you know, usually when I had the lowest self-worth,

that's when I criticize other people the most. Right. Because I don't like this, but I don't want to deal with that. So this guy sucks and that guy sucks and that guy sucks. And here's why his ex sucks. Cause if I have to deal with this, like, I don't like myself in a deep way. So if I have to deal with that, that's painful. So let's just push it all out there. Yeah. That's what a lot of the critical shit is. Yeah, I used to do that too when I first started out. I was always criticizing other people's act

and I realized it was just insecurity. Well, 100% dude. Yeah, just scared of my own shortcomings and failures and lack of talent. Yeah, and owning that shit is the first step to growing as a human and as a comic. Yeah.

And you know though, another step that's really important is learning how to laugh at comedy again. Because we all started out as fans. And then you start getting competitive as you start coming along. And instead of laughing at other people, you go, God, I wish I came up with that joke. Yeah. That's pretty good, but I don't like what he, you know. Yeah, I did the, that's funny. And then now I fucking, dude, I watched Russell at the good, but I don't like what you know. Yeah, I did that that's funny And then now I fucking dude I watched Russell at other beacon. I was dying laughing so many moments

I was like that's great hysterically laughing. That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, you got to be a fan still I think you get back to that Yeah, because I think you just kind of let go of a lot of the insecurity and then it's just oh this is funny I can laugh hopefully and then also hopefully Like you are friends with enough comics that you get to hang out together and appreciate each other. There's a bunch of comics that I call islands.

Yeah. Because they're not really connected to the other comics. Yeah. Like they make it, and then they have guys work for them, but the guys that work for them, they maybe don't even fly with them. They don't hang out with them.

Yeah. And they don't have like real friends that are their peers. Yeah. And they're islands. Yes. There are these guys who are just out there drifting yeah and i connected again i learned that from andrew treat treat the people on your team as well as you can i got a couple guys i

worked on this special with and i try to make sure they do as much of the same shit as i can yeah yeah have it's like family there's a bond there's a tribe yeah and that's a thing that for whatever reason those guys that are their own little islands they miss out on those guys go crazy because they never have the real camaraderie of other comics and they stop doing clubs because they're always touring yeah and doing like theaters or whatever they're on the road like it becomes very weird like you're disconnected from the one group of people that's not going to understand you yeah and then just how do you live on the road like that like i, I can't imagine the road alone all the time. So

lonely. I would get in way more trouble. Like it's so easy for me to stay out of trouble with my homies right by my side who I, I count on and I trust and like, dude, we're just gonna, I'm not going to party, but we're just going to go get food and talk shit and laugh and I'm going to have the most fun. Yeah. But if I'm alone for week after week after week after month after month after month, God knows what trouble I could get into. Yeah, you also go crazy. Like you're just lost out there on your own with no one to hang with.

When I used to go on the road and I would just work with like a local middle act, like our local opener, right? You know, like I get booked for like, you know, Pittsburgh Improv or whatever, and you get in there, and then they use their guys to open for it. And sometimes it's great. You get to meet a funny comic,

and you become friends with them. But five out of ten times, it was a dog show. Yes. And you're hanging out with this guy who's hacky, and they step on your material, and it's like, ugh. And I don't even, this is, I want to save every ounce of everything for the stage. So I don't even want to take the time to get to know you.

This is fucked up, but I don't even want to take, use the energy to get to know you before I go on stage. So I like insist on bringing my guys. Yeah. Because I don't want to meet a new person. That's energy I don't want to use. I want to save it all for right there. It's also the risk of it being bad.

Like there's a positive risk. Like you might risk meeting someone really cool. Like there's a benefit to it, but there's also the risk of like, if you're on the road with a bad comedian and oh, you can't even watch their act, you got to hide because like, if you hear someone's terrible, you don't think anything's funny. You're like, Oh my God, nothing's funny. Yeah. Headphones, headphones. And you're, and you listen to that Carlo whatever the fuck song and then you just don't listen to anything until- What was that? Kate McKinnon?

Kate McKinnon. Colter Wall. Dead bitch song. That's what you guys do, yeah. Wild bitch. Yeah, wild bitch. You listen to wild bitch and then you wait until they say he got the light and then you take your headphones off.

Yeah. And then you just go up. That's good. That's good. It's just you're missing out on the fun part. The fun is like hanging. Oh, yeah. The hang is half the fun.

The hang is half the fun, but if you're hanging with somebody you can't hang with, you got to block it out. Some guys go hard for long. Like Bert Kreischer goes hard for long stretches of time. He has a tour bus, and they all hang out in the bus together. They grill. That's the best. Yeah. That's the way to do it. Yeah. Yeah, a tour bus. I hate flying. I would love to have a tour bus and they all hang out in the boat love the bus together they grill best yeah that's the

way to do it yeah yeah tour bus i hate flying i would love to have a tour bus me and my homies just hanging out to be the best it's because it really is like a living room that rolls around yes and you're just talking shit and having fun you're not dealing with fucking tsa and all that just go yeah just drive overnight yeah because but you got to trust that driver and not fall asleep. Yeah, that's a big one. Didn't know. Tracy Morgan. Oh, but that was different. That was the Walmart driver fell asleep.

He was in a limo, right? I thought they were on a tour bus. Was it a tour bus? I thought the Walmart driver fell asleep and they were on a tour bus. So it's not on the driver. He got badly fucked up by that, right? I think the driver might have passed away maybe. I saw him on an interview recently jokingly He said he's looking for another one.

He's looking for another accident? Because he wants more money? Oh my God, he said that? It was 100% joking. Of course, but that's Tracy Morgan. That's hilarious. He's got like Bugattis, that's how he talks.

How much did he make off of that? I don't think they disclosed the email. Yeah, I think it was undisclosed, but probably a lot. You know, like in the tens, not a hundred, but like tens of millions of dollars. I'm guessing easy eight figures. Easy. Yeah.

I mean, this guy almost killed you. I think he killed the driver. Poor guy. One of the comics died, didn't they? Yeah. Didn't someone with him? One of the openers, I think, died. I know already Fuqua was on that bus.

God bless him. He was okay. 90 million? Yeah, estimated. I mean, I don't think it's been that long. But the way Tracy Morgan lives, that might be gone. you. It was okay. 90 million? Yeah, estimate it. I mean, I don't think it's been that. But the way Tracy Morgan lives, that might be gone. He's a wild fella.

Yeah, since the lawyer denies it, it's 90 million, but. Oh, yeah. Sure, whatever. Lawyer denies it. Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah, nothing.

Yeah. But yeah, that tour bus outside of the overnight driving, it'd be great. How long have you and Andrew been doing that podcast together? Started in 2017. Really? Yeah, and I remember he did Brilliant Idiots first, and I told him this.

I've always been so happy for him, everything he got. But when he told me he's doing a podcast with Charlamagne, I said to him, I said, this is the first time I've ever been jealous of you. Because in my mind, I didn't have anything. So I couldn't say don't do that. But in my mind, I was like, dude, I think if we did a podcast would be really fucking good but that podcast is gonna be so good you have to do it and I never it never crossed my mind you could do two podcasts at the time but then a few years later he was looking for a second podcast and then we just like brainstormed we recorded like in his

living room like episodes on a computer just to see how it would go really and then yeah and then we brought in a third guy, Kaz, and we all went our separate ways. And God bless him. I love him. And everything worked out. But we just formed this thing. Mark came on.

Alex came on. It just became this awesome thing where we just go in there and we're just friends for four hours a week or whatever. I thought it was great when you guys moved to Miami and he started dressing like he's from Miami.

Oh, it was the best, dude. It was the best. It was the happiest time. Why the fuck are we back in New York? I told him he should be king of Miami. I said the same. He could revitalize the whole comedy scene down there. 100%. Have fun. He was like, he was telling me how much he loved it. But I think

it's gotta be not just his decision. I guarantee the Mrs. Schultz probably has a say. 100%. And they should have a say. But damn it, I wish she would say, let's go back to Miami. You know what I mean? Well, who knows? Maybe New York will keep falling apart.

Yo, hey. I heard he's been like, he was telling me that he's having trouble with woke audiences. Yeah, I was hearing that. And I don't, I'm not at the cellar, but New York Comedy Club, I find great. I think New York, shouts to Emilio Savon. That's my favorite club. Like they fucking, audiences are great. They think New York, shouts to Emilio Savone. That's my favorite club. Like they fucking, audiences are great. They're New Yorkers, like for real, for real.

That's the thing is Ari said the wokesters aren't really from New York. He goes, they're from Maine. And they come to New York to be woke. And they like embody like the full progressive urban woke person. They are Austin. They are the city. No. Hey, man.

That's where I live. Your club. I want to see your club because there's a lot of clubs here where you're just performing for like vegan retards. And I want to see your club because I think you'll have real audiences. You'll have the New York Comedy Club of Austin. I will show you what we're doing. It's going to be wild.

Yeah. I can't wait. We bought a place that's in the heart of everything. It's in the middle of being wild. Yeah, I can't wait. We bought a place that's in the heart of everything. It's in the middle of being done right now. I can't wait. I'm very excited. That's where I'm going. That's the only place I'm going to perform in Austin after this. It's going to be the shit. It'll have two rooms of a smaller room and a big room. Dude, God bless you for that's what a good guy you are is you're opening a comedy club and comedy clubs are notoriously terrible investments. Yeah, but I'm not doing it for an investment. Oh, I know. I'm doing it to break even.

My hope is to break even. I'm saying, good for you. That's a good guy move. I want it to be a place where it's like a hub. Like you can go there and you're protected. Like the comics can go there and be with other comics. We have like a safe

zone, a home base where you, it's run by comics so it's free but it's also my idea is to have everybody feel good about working there like with health benefits for all the comics and insurance and everything i want everybody to be more protected and safe there than at any other place health benefits yeah comics need health insurance you know fucking comics i've had to pay for their surgeries? Oh, dude, I don't have health insurance. If it wasn't for my wife being at school,

she's getting a master's in business and journalism, that's the only reason I have health insurance. Well, I would imagine you should get it if you didn't have that. Buddy, I swear to God, my real mentality is I'm Indian, I know enough doctors, and I swear to God, for like 12 years, I was like, I'll be fine.

I make a phone call. I get whatever I need. Well, that's good. You got a good resource there. Yeah. But what if you need surgery, like major surgery? I'm flying to Louisiana where my uncle's a doctor. We're good.

I've done this. Have you really? Yeah. Well, I went to the hospital one time, and it was luckily like the six months I had insurance through SAG. But luckily, I was in Dallas, and then we just drove to Louisiana, and my uncle did all the other tests. And it was, you know, whatever. Oh, just so people don't think I have cancer, this is ingrown hair. Yeah, yeah.

What's that lump on your face, man? I can make a phone call and get that diagnosed if you want right now. Well, I've already been diagnosed. Oh, okay. It's hopefully going to go down, but I shaved, and then it blew up. Dude, I think you should have a little beard. I've had beards before. They look great. You and Bert.

There's a friend of mine died years ago and all of us online decided to grow our beards out for him. He's this guy, Evan Tanner, who was a UFC fighter who was a very, very interesting cat. And he went on a walkabout in Death Valley and got confused and couldn't find his water and wound up dying. He was one of the people that died from heat exposure in Death Valley. Because he had water, but when you get dehydrated and disoriented

and you go into heat stroke, you can't make good decisions yeah and i think he was one of those guys that like was always pushing himself and pushing his mind and trying to like find himself and when he did that we all found out that he died like that we all decided to grow a beard and I had like a crazy mountain man beard. Like it goes all the way up to the top of my cheeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a full ass fucking crazy beard.

But it's not the best for comedy. No, it's not. But a nice light, you know what I mean? One of those light beards. That was me. Oh, that looks solid. You like that? Yeah.

I only had a couple gray hairs there back in the day because I was 39 at the time, I believe. 39 or 40? How old are you now? 54. You look great, buddy. Thank you. It's just a little light, I'm telling you. It'd be all gray, though.

It'd be mostly gray. Like, my hair is, like, half gray. It'd be salt and pepper. I think that would look good, too. Salt and pepper? Why? It's like I'm a wise man. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. I'm getting a little pepper, and I'm just going to have to live with it. Yeah, I don't like it when dudes dye their beard. When I see you get that reddish fake dye color to your beard, like, hey, man. It's rough. But the first few grays are real ugly. Like, they just stick out real hard.

Well, you start thinking about it, like, oh, my God, I'm dying. Yeah. And, well, if it's a nice, healthy mix, I think it looks solid. But when it's a couple just sticking out, it's like, whoa, that shit is... Some dudes go gray real young. It's weird. Like, I had a buddy in his 20s he was going gray. Yeah, that's rough.

That's rough. Yeah, like, late 20s. I mean... It's like fucking all his hair is going gray. Did you have any of those kids that were balding in, like, high school? Oh, yeah. That's the roughest. There was one kid that we were friends with, we were 16, he started going bald. Fucking unbelievable. That's the roughest. There was one kid that we were friends with. We were 16. He started going bald. Fucking unbelievable. That's the roughest fate.

It was brutal. And he wasn't a good-looking fella anyway. It's the baby dick of hair. Oh, yeah. And there's not a goddamn thing they can do about it. No, nothing. Especially back then. Now, maybe, you know, Propecia, whatever.

But back then, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Good luck. Yeah. There's a thing that girls can do. Girls can do so many things to look better. They're magicians.

You can get fake tits. Yeah. You wear makeup. 100%. Fake lashes. All of it. Fake nails. Done.

Lips are not that color. No. Nothing about it is real. Yeah. There's so many different things they can do. Guys can't do shit. No. The beard.

That's the one thing we can do. That's our makeup. Well, you know, some guys get beard transplants. Have you seen that now? No. Have you seen the micropigmentation? Oh, where they do your head? Well, they do it on their beard, too.

No. Oh, wow. Yeah, for sure. Do you really? Some people, it's not full in. Yeah, I'll show you. Oh, my God. The problem with that is it's like tattoos, like if you look at this tattoo, it still looks good, but it was sharper.

Oh, it dulls out over time. 15 years ago when I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's micropigmentation. That don't look bad. Good for you. But the thing is, like, that's going to turn blue. Yeah.

Over time. See, because guys, oh, so he got this scar on his face covered. Just deal with your scars, son. Don't be scared of scars. But when, oh, that's interesting. So that's all like dots. But the thing is like tattoo ink doesn't stay in the exact same sharpness forever. Like if you look at scalp micropigmentation fails, look at that.

Bad results. Scalp micropigmentation. I don't know. Maybe they're doing a different ink or maybe they just got too much exposure to sun. But I saw a dude. See, that's some of them. Like that one right there. The upper right corner that you have.

That one, the big one. The big one. No, the upper right corner where you just were. Yeah. Make it bigger. Like that looks right there, the upper right corner that you have. That one, the big one. The big one. No, the upper right corner where you just were. Yeah, make it bigger. Like that looks like shit. Does it? I feel like it looks acceptable. I can't tell.

I think in that photo it looks like he's just got his head is just painted. Okay, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just not observant. But I have more sympathy for this because I know if I shave my beard, like right now I'm so handsome it's crazy. Like I'm pure sex, Joe. You are. But if I shave this beard, it's not like that. Look at that one.

Oh, that's hilarious. See, that's the thing. That's Carlos Boozer. Carlos Boozer has one of those. It looks so funny. Who's Carlos Boozer? He was an NBA player and he used like spray paint on his head. And he told us a story about it.

He was on our podcast and he said like he knew he fucked up but it was too late to do anything about it or something and it looked like there it is oh my god crazy that's wild it looked it's like a superhero yeah he looked like a jordan 11 like if you look at the jordan 11 jamie the patent leather that you probably have that's that right there that's crazy is that real yeah yeah it looks like shoe polish. See, but, oh my God, that's wild. Why wouldn't he just shave his head? I think he realized he fucked up, but it was too late. That is wild looking. Yeah, yeah. It looks terrible.

And he owned it with us. He was like, yeah, that was a big mistake. Wow. Yeah. But yeah, you got to be wary of all that stuff. But I have more sympathy for it, again, because I know my beard. Without it, it's a real problem. If you couldn't grow a beard, would you be upset?

Probably, because I had What was the last time you shaved it off? I shaved it off like six years ago for some bullshit role on something that didn't even go anywhere. Did you hate it? I hated it. And then a lady who, like the sweetest lady, she said, she tells some Marcy Phillips at ABC. She's very real

with me. She's like, you don't look like a cancer patient, but you look like you just beat cancer. Oh God. Yeah. That's horrible. Yeah. So ever since then, I've kept a beard. My wife has never seen me with no beard. Wow.

Yeah. You're not gonna. Never. That's your shit. Yeah. Do you think you'd ever rock like a mustache alone? I could do that. You know what I mean?

Traditional Indian shit. Just a mustache. I could do that. Big, thick cop style. Big, thick Indian. Yeah. There's a saying they told me in India the first time we went like 30 years ago. They said,

That means if you have, the guy who doesn't have a mustache has nothing. If you don't have a mustache, you have nothing. What? That's what they told me. It was some country ass shit probably. That's an Indian phrase? It was, I mean, the first time I was like 98. So I don't know if they still believe that at all, but that was a saying back then.

If you don't have a mustache, you have nothing. Yeah. Oh my God. That's hilarious. That's some man shit out there. That's hilarious. But there's something like the mustache by itself It's pure testosterone Doug. Yeah, you know I mean you're doing it

There's a few fighter like Don Frye Don the Predator Frye. He always rocked a mustache He was like a man from a different era. Yeah, I think if you're a fighter doing it It's like I had a friend He used to wear the like the most flamboyant shorts playing basketball and i'd ask him why and he would go imagine getting beat by somebody wearing these it would just fucking destroy you yeah and that's probably what just a mustache is there's a lot of guys who do that with their rash guards jujitsu guys they will wear rash guards that have like rainbows on them and elves and that's so good fairies god bless those guys strangling people yeah god bless those guys no he didn't just tap me with that's the best rainbow spats on

and that's the that's actually why boxing the idea is very romantic to me of a boxer on the street is like that guy looks scrawny as shit but he could fucking destroy you and ufc jujitsu guys probably the same but i always remember thinking that of a black guy I saw this like feather like bantamweight boxer just walking and I wasn't starting to fight with him or anything but somebody's like yo that guy's like a really good boxer and I was like that's so funny because everybody probably thinks this guy's a nobody and he will fucking destroy you well a lot of the really elite jujitsu guys look so unassuming yeah outside of jujitsu like you look at them and you're like, this guy's like

an accountant. He looks like a nerd. I want to learn jujitsu, Joe. And I want to take steroids. These are two things I want to do. And maybe, you know, people, I don't know. Yeah. I know people. I was supposed to take steroids in Miami. Anivore. I was supposed to take, I think. Who's going to give you Anivore? Some guy? Some guy. She got it from a doctor. If you're going to do steroids, first of all, if you're going to do anything, you should get a whole blood panel done. Okay. Get your blood lipids done. Talk to me.

But also, you should start to manipulate your body with nutrition and exercise first. Do you lift weights? Yes. A lot? A few times a week. If you want to get stronger and bigger, you're going to have to do heavy weight-bearing exercises. You're going to have to do deadlifts and squats. Those are the big ones because they force your body to thicken up.

Yo, I got it. There's a guy that's great, actually. The muscle dog, Jordan Shallow. He trained us in Miami. Love that guy. And then his guy Lou trains me in New York. And they said, what do you want? I said, first and foremost, I want to not be old like walk with all these imbalances and shit like that I

don't want to like yeah my mom is in bad shape can't like walk upright and I'm like I don't want any of these issues then I want to work on and then we worked on raw strength too I think Jordan got me from I couldn't even squat like I couldn't even do a squat he got got me to like 155 or something within like three, four months. That's great. So we did that. But then I was like, let's work on imbalance shit. But I want, yeah. So I live with these guys and they're very,

they know how the biomechanics very well. But then I just want to look better with no clothes on at the end of the day. You got to talk to your boy, Camille. He went to Dr. Feelgood. It went too much though. The face He called Dr. Feelgood The face has gotten too much

It's interesting because he's still loved by the progressive But he's entered into a dark world Of looking jacked And they're like hey We're just not talking about it We used to like you when you were kind of fat Kind of like skinny fat Like why are you Like look look at him, bro.

He's a stud. What a fucking stud. He's a stud. Like, you can't tell me he doesn't look way better. Oh, this was his peak right here. Yeah. If you ask me, that was it. Now it's getting too far on the other side.

Shut the fuck up. Let him keep going. So he was in the Eternals, right? Yes. That's why he got jacked. Yes. Look at that one right there with the mask on. Shut the fuck up son. Look at the guns on

that motherfucker. Anybody would think that that doesn't look good. You're lying to yourself. You're lying to everybody. I'm not saying it doesn't look good. You do want to be that way. If I could give you a pill and you could look like that, you would take it. I'm just saying I prefer my men a little leaner, Joe. That's all. You like more masculine men. Whoa. I like a little leanness,. That's all. You like more masculine men. Whoa.

I like a little leanness, you know? You like them thin? Not thin. What do you like? That guy right there. Kumail, that was a hot bod he had right there. So you want the one where before he got super jacked. Yeah, not super jacked.

How about that? That's good. Yeah, yeah, that's decent. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah, that's a nice. Men's health. That's health right there. But the crazy thing is when you go before and after.

You look at like the before, like they're right there. Yeah, that's wild, dude. That guy looks like my uncle on the left. Holy shit. It's like that guy was going to meet his ex-girlfriend and he hadn't seen her in five years. He won. And he showed up in a tight fitted, like nice Italian t-shirt.

He won. She would be like, what the fuck are you doing? Who are you? He won. Is this really you or are you the brother? Like that's what he used to look like. I mean,

what the fuck, man? Everything changed. Look at the facial structure on the, you see the picture with the, the face? That's what I don't want.

Shut the fuck up. He looks great. The face, look how the face looks all different. Looks perfect. It's not bigger. Looks like a real man. Because he's got

muscles. That's not face muscles, Joe. Well, here's the thing that happens. You have jaw muscles. Yeah. And one of the things that happens when you're lifting, right? If you're doing like dead lifts and shit, you fucking... Yeah. All this shit gets exercised and it gets thicker and stronger. Plus,

for sure, there's some exogenous testosterone involved in this process too. That's what I'm saying. I'm wary of. Bones are getting denser because you're lifting weights. So you have all this weight that you're carrying around. So everything gets thicker and denser. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It looks great. Yeah. That's what you need. Talk to that guy. Call him up. He probably wouldn't even answer you. No. Like, hey, you know, I'm just eating chicken and broccoli.

Probably knows now. He'll find out soon, but I don't think he knows who I am. Seating chicken and broccoli. Probably knows now. He'll find out soon, but I don't think he knows yet. Ah, come on. Comics know who's coming up. Don't you think? Yeah, I guess. I just look at him more as an actor now,

and I don't mean that as a shot. I just mean, like, I think I blew up so much in acting. What else could he, like, you have to do that. That's a trap. It's tough if you're a, if you love comedy, it's tough.

It's like golden handcuffs almost. The only way I was able to pull that off, like completely unscathed is Burr. Unscathed. He hasn't changed his act at all. Unbelievable. And he does a gang of movies. He does The Mandalorian.

Yeah. He did that. He's great. The Staten Island movie, whatever that movie was. Yeah, he was great in that. He's great. He's great. But he'll dance in that world, but he doesn't give a fuck.

He'll do those talk shows. He'll do Conan and those kind of shows. But he's still as pure a comic as you can be. And you ask him, that fucking dude, he don't read shit about himself or social media. That's heroic. He's fucking completely... He put out a special. And, you know, we're talking about, like, bits that are controversial.

He goes, eh, I just fucking stay offline for a couple weeks. Yeah. And that's what he does. He got it figured out, man. Yeah. It just crushes everybody. Stays offline for a couple weeks. The storm dies down.

And he comes back. Yeah. And another thing. I think he is, from afar, it seems like he's a testament to blowing up later Yes, like it took him so long to get the recognition he deserved that when he got it He was so fucking undeniable polished and now you can't tell him nothing. Mm-hmm, and he's got money Yeah, that's the other thing like once you have money and an audience like Bill Burr's audience will follow him to the end of the Earth yes, he's got an audience and he's got money. He doesn't have to listen to you.

And he also is a self-made man. Yes. Right? So like all these people that have opinions on what he should do or shouldn't do or should say or shouldn't say, he's like, I know what the fuck I'm doing. Yeah. I've been doing this forever. Fuck off.

And he got his audience. He didn't get his audience too early. I think you can get your audience too early and then you just get stuck in my audience loves me no matter what. Yeah. So I don't have to grow. He also has this brilliant distinction that he has this podcast where it's just him ranting He's so good. It's the most unusual podcast like he is just constantly flexing his His material muscle like he's always coming up with new material Yes

Because always has like new things to about. And he's literally just ranting. He probably has an idea of what his take on something is. And then he's just ranting. Yeah. And so every year he's got new bits that are rock solid. It's incredible. Tim Dillon, same way. Yeah.

Tim Dillon has even got a better situation because he's got Ben, who's his producer, who's like a one-person audience member. Yes. So he's just ranting to him. And if he gets a laugh, maybe I got something. He went on this thing about how he could get canceled. Like why can't he get canceled? Why can't I get canceled? It's such a funny clip, dude.

It's such a great bit. He's a mega talent, this kid. It's so funny. See if you can find it. Yeah. It's so funny. The thing you just put out? Yeah, about like why. I'm doing everything'm doing everything I have to say yeah get canceled I'll say anything but

it's it's a brilliant response to like people canceling me yeah it's like he and he's just got this way of making fun of shit yeah give me Give me some volume. I am so incredibly jealous of this man and his ability to continually be in the news. I mean, I have chased my whole entire shit career, the type of attention that he is getting right now. And it's impossible for someone like me to get. They won't even let me get big enough to be hated and attacked the one thing i've always wanted to be threatened by the white house press secretary to be deplatformed to have roxane gay pull her podcast off spotify because of me and i can't it doesn't happen happen. It's so good. I'm watching Ben.

I'm on Jair Bolsonaro tweeting that I'm doing the right thing. What should I do? I'll go out and say cancer's not real. Tell me what to do to get this level of publicity. I'll say AIDS was good. Tell me what to do. I'll say being gay is a choice.

I'll say abortion, people a choice I'll say abortion people that have them should be hung in a public square what can I do I don't even think it's that fucking controversial to say that the vaccines didn't work that well but that seems

that's I guess the ticket that's what draws you the ire of all of civilization everybody gets mad and they only want to talk about you Yeah, that's what draws you the ire of all of civilization Everybody gets mad and they only want to talk about you I only want to talk about him now. It's all about him Ben is a perfect foil for him to perfect Yeah perfect cuz I'm watching him to see what is he picking up on. Yeah.

Because as a comic, you're like, what are you giving him that he's being like, no, I got it. Let's go. Let's go. Well, Tim is one of those guys too that like when you're with him, you have a smile that just you're waiting for him to say something fucked up. It's insane. So you have this smile and everything is tongue in cheek.

Yeah. So even when he has a good point, it will be followed by something preposterous. Yes. He'll make a good point about like economics or government. And that's the genius good point it will be followed by something preposterous Yes, he'll make a good point about like economics or government and that's the genius followed by madness And that's why you stay tuned in That's the fucking it's the brilliance of him. Yeah Well, he's also a guy who's found his way during the pandemic and found his way Look completely outside of the channels of mainstream Like he didn't need a television show.

He didn't need anything sanctioned. Everything he did was all online. And everything he did was all undeniable. And now he's selling out theaters everywhere. And that's what I'm saying. The woke shit is like, yo, y'all can have that. And the industry will bank on that for a while. I think at some point they'll realize it's not really working out.

But we have this and we have the people and the people will carry you everywhere. Yeah. And then you don't have to do nearly as much bullshit because your people will support you. Before there was woke though, there was alt. There was alt comedy. And it was kind of the same thing. I thought woke was just like the next evolution of alt. evolution of alt yeah but all didn't have like extreme social dynamics and like like a like a rigid ideology to subscribe to yeah you know alt was just

like they were they would date got upset if you were too loud or if you you put too much effort you tried too hard they just wanted to talk like this yeah and do their comedy yeah like they hated me when I first moved to New York because I was animated as a comic. Isn't that amazing? I didn't understand it. I was like, New York sucks. And then I found out that was just the one scene that was doing all these open mics. And then I found guys like Andrew and I was like, oh, okay, this comedy exists here.

Imagine being upset because someone's trying to be entertaining. Yeah, I don't understand. I don't understand any of it. I don't understand. But it's weird any of it. I don't understand. But it's weird because it all comes from a well-meaning place. Like the idea of Alt was like,

you know, comedy doesn't have to be this one thing. And they're fighting back against hacky club acts, not good club acts. Right. So you had Alt guys who would crush. Like I heard Maren would crush

and he was an Alt guy and Maria Bamford would crush and she was an Alt girl. And then it just morphed into this thing and woke comedy probably started from a well meaning place like I'm sure if we watched like comics in the 70s who weren't amazing like not the Dangerfields and not

the whoever's you'd be like yo some of this shit is brutal dude and so woke comedy probably started as like well this we don't need to do all that and now it's morphed into this thing that you're like what the fuck is happening yeah well it's just like everything this thing that you're like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah. Well, it's just like everything else. Like people try that stuff on.

Like my friend Bridget Phetasy and I were talking about this. She said she read one of the pieces that she wrote when she was in her 20s. And she's like, Jesus Christ, I sound like AOC. Yes. But now she's older and she's kind of like center, you know, she's more of a centrist. Yeah.

And she has some takes that people that are like heavy left leaning would almost think are conservative. Right. She's not conservative. Yeah. But she's more of a centrist. Yeah. And she sees the folly and the bullshit. Yeah.

Of these ideological traps. Yeah. That a lot of people fall into. Like, because once you're in these group think environments,, you kind of have to follow the way they think. You can't deviate. You can't go, well, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I don't think she's doing anything wrong, or I don't think what he said was that bad. I think what he's trying to say is this.

Like, no. One thing about comedy comedy, like outside of woke comedy, there's no traps like that. Comedy comedy is just like, is it funny? Yeah. And I need you to question everything as a comic. Exactly. thing about comedy comedy like outside of woke comedy there's no traps like that no comedy comedy is just like is it funny you know and i need you to question everything as a comic exactly if you're not questioning the loudest people around i realize this is so whatever this might sound corny or whatever i feel like i was born a comic because i was always annoyed by the loudest voice around me i when i grew up in texas i was annoyed by extreme conservatives and i was fairly liberal just as a reaction to them.

Then I moved to New York in like 08. And I was like, oh, y'all are just extreme liberals are just as dumb as them. And that pushed my comedy more to the right. And I think a comic has to always react to the loudest voices around him. And if you're not doing that, you're probably not doing a service to not the art form, but to the audience even. Yeah, you got to react to what's annoying yes and the loudest voices are always annoying because they're always wrong that's why they're loud because they're not secure in their opinions well that's there's but we need them right like

where would we be if the world was enlightened no 100 we need both extremes oh speaking of which i wanted to bring this up because i saw this and i couldn't even fucking believe that it's a real quote. There is a proposition that this one guy had put out. Let me find this, Jamie. But he was essentially saying that they should, they were talking about medicating the water supply to make people less crazy. And I remember reading this going, this cannot be real. No, that's fire. You think that's good? No, but that's a comic in me that has to find a way that is good.

You know what I mean? I know I made a screenshot. I'm trying to find it here. Because I made a screenshot going, what the fuck am I reading? Is this real? See, that's the problem with reading, Joe. Is that the problem with reading? It's too much. Dude, it's too much. What are you doing? I don't know. What am I am I reading? Is this real? See, this is the problem with reading, Joe. Is that the problem with reading? It's too much.

Dude, it's too much. What are you doing? I don't know. What am I doing right now? Now I'm wasting time on a podcast trying to find the answer to this thing. Well, you know, I'm sure I could force out a pee right now while you find this thing. Do you have to pee? I don't have to, but I'm going to soon.

Go ahead. Go pee. Go pee. Perfect time. We'll pause this right here. Perfect. And we'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen. And we're back, ladies and gentlemen, with the number one podcast that's canceled in the world.

Yeah. So this, show me the original one. What I sent you, the image. So this was someone's idea for a morality pill. Okay. So listen to this. As the SARS-CoV-2 virus continues to kill thousands of Americans each week, bioethicist Parker Crutchfield has suggested a controversial approach to battling

the pandemic, namely a morality pill. Specifically, he suggests that widespread administration of psychoactive drugs could provide, in quotes, moral enhancement that would make people more likely to adhere to social norms, such as wearing masks and adhering to social distancing guidelines. Imagine the idea that you have to give someone a fucking pill, a psychoactive pill that will make them more compliant and make them follow the guidelines of masks and distancing. What if you could just give it to your wife and kids, though?

Wouldn't that make your life easier? You know what I mean? Make your wife and kids wear masks and stay away from you? No, just compliant to you. You know what I mean? You don't want that, man. You don't want a compliant wife. That is the last thing. Are you sure? You will be so bored. Are you sure? Yeah. don't want that, man. You don't want a compliant wife. That is the last thing.

Are you sure? You will be so bored. Are you sure? Yeah. Are there times? I'm positive. No. I don't want that.

You don't want that. It's the easy way. It's definitely the easy way, but don't do it. You want a wife that goes, what the fuck are you talking about, bitch? Oh, well, I got one of those. Good. Congratulations. I got one of those.

You have to have one of those. If you don't have one of those, you're doomed. It's like if you're a comic and you have a wife that's compliant with everything you say. The number of times I try to say a premise and she just goes, what the fuck are you talking about? It's astronomical. That's great. Yeah. That's great.

That's important. Yeah. You want that. The last thing you want is someone just like, whatever you say, dear. Oh, my God. You go crazy. You'd be so bored. I don't know, Joe.

It sounds tempting. Does it sound good? It sounds tempting. Really? I don't know if it sounds good in the long term, but it sounds tempting. Right. Like a little break. A little break from someone telling you what to do.

Yeah, you know, just a little break. You know, just a little compliance here and there. So they changed that article because so many people were complaining. And Jamie pulled up the new version of it and the new version of it look what they say no don't use a morality pill to stop the COVID-19 pandemic so look at this it says

authors note I've updated the headline to more closely state my position as opposed to the position being discussed but the position being discussed is what's important. Yeah. The original headline, could a morality pill stop the COVID-19 pandemic?

First of all, that's not going to stop a virus that's respiratory. It's transmitted through the air. There's just too many opportunities for transmission. It's too contagious. So this is a stupid premise that like masks and distancing. Like when they're talking about like distancing in a room too, i was reading this thing where they're saying like you could like viruses can be like 60 feet of spread yeah i also don't i understood all this early on like we didn't know what we were dealing with it was super deadly relative to most viruses now that we got a vaccine

if you die you die i don't If you don't want to get the vaccine and you die, you didn't want to get the vaccine. You made that choice. There's other things you can do. Here's a big one, monoclonal antibodies, which they restricted the use of. There's also- I tried to get those the second time I got COVID. I couldn't get access. Yeah. It's a problem. I don't know why they're denying people access, but the governor of Florida has gone crazy about this I I took monoclonal antibodies they work like Immediately they work within 24 hours. You feel great, and I think that's the problem

I think for some people they don't want there to be any other options You know and there's also there's no fucking discussion. There's no education at all from any of these people about fucking discussion there's no education at all from any of these people about healthy lifestyle choices about all these things like because one of the things they've found with covid in particular is like it hits fat people way harder of course it affects something about being overweight it affects the fat like it attacks the fat i remember i took a public health class and when i was in college that's like 15 16 years ago now. But they said 95% of all illnesses are behaviorally caused. 95% of all- Lifestyle choices. Yes. It's lifestyle choices, behavioral lifestyle choices. And I think COVID can be a little bit of

both and you can get it. I got it trying to be healthy before the vaccine and all that. Gave it to Andrew before his Netflix special, my bad. But- Whoopsies. Yeah. But I was living a healthy lifestyle and I was fine after a week or so. And I was taking the vitamin D and I think that helped a lot. Well, I think that also

when you're dealing with a person like you who's young and thin, it's a different animal than if you're an older obese person. And it's like this one size fits all approach to everybody, it's annoying. And healthcare is not supposed to be one size fits all. It's not.

And again, I'm a guy who believes the vaccine works and you probably could take it just to be safe. I'm not going to force anybody, but like, yeah, I'm relatively pro-vaccine. They've got another one that they're coming out with that's not based on mRNA technology that they've developed that apparently is going to be effective on all strains. And it'll be more of a traditional style vaccine.

Yeah, I saw this a military one i think yeah and when that comes out that's going to get a lot of people on board yes and um and then and the pill that uh i think is coming out with a pill and as soon as the pill comes out if there's still vaccine mandates you're out of your mind yeah and i'm with you even though i'm relatively pro-vaccine that's why it bothers me people can't see nuance in this so many are one side or the other i don't want my kids to take a vaccine for something that's not going to kill them right you don't need to take a vaccine for children i don't care i don't want you to take a shot to protect some old fuck that's not what i'm saying i'm saying the virus yeah so you don't need

a vaccine yeah i'm with you on that like that's crazy a mandate that your kid has to get it you can give it to your kids i guess if you want but i wouldn't want to if you said to people just five years ago that there's going to be a virus that has a very small percentage of the people that get catch it die and but it's going to uphold it's going to an upheaval of the entire country everything's going to be fucked like the social classes the way people are after each other on each other's necks it's going to be fucked. Like the social classes, the way people are after each other on each other's necks, it's going to change the way we communicate with each other. It's going to close a gigantic percentages of restaurants and businesses. You'd be like,

what? I would say if you heard it was 600,000 or whatever the number is, you'd be like, fuck that many people, not 600,000, 600,000 people died with COVID. If you look at the numbers that the CDC gives out. And at one point in time,

they were saying that 95% of the people had four comorbidities. So 95% of the people that died had four things that were killing them. I don't know what they're saying now. I think they might have changed that now. But it's just- Don't a lot of people have comorbidities though? And I'm not... Yes. And you've read a thousand times more than me. So I'm just pushing back as a guy who's listening and it feels like I have to push back. So don't a lot of people have some comorbidities?

Yes, they do. So four is probably on the much less healthy side. But I would say most people in America have at least one comorbidity. I have asthma. That's a comorbidity. Yeah. So you would say to me, hey, this is potentially fatal for you. That was another reason I got the vaccine. Well, asthma is a rough one, right? Cause it's a respiratory illness,

right? But the, the ones that you can have control over the most frustrating ones and that's the obesity is the big one. That's the big one. And that's, you know, fat people. That's why I won their anti-vax. I have a bit that I enjoy doing because it's like. Yeah, I heard the bit. Yeah, you're just suddenly picking and choosing. Like, what is this? Well, it's just food is so good. It's so hard to not get fat.

I love food. I just got off of, I did the carnivore diet for the whole month of January. Oh, how was that? It was great. I lost a shitload of weight. Really? Yeah, I lost like six pounds. I always, last time I did it, I lost 12 pounds. Really? Yeah, I lost like six pounds. Last time I did, I lost 12 pounds.

Really? This time, I ate fruit too. I ate all meat and fruit. That's great. I feel great when I do it. Yeah, I bet. I feel lighter. When I get lighter, I feel lighter.

That's the crazy thing. If you lose 10 pounds, it seems like, well, that's kind of a lot. No, you feel it. You feel lighter. Yeah. Because it's like if you're carrying around a 10-pound weight on your back and then you take it off you like oh, yeah I'm gonna get a 10-pound jacket on that shit would be annoying. Yeah backpack with a weight in it. Yeah. Yeah, it's annoying Yeah, now people that lose like 40 50 60 pounds like my god. What did you're a different human? My brother has lost god bless him. I'm so proud of him, he's lost 80 pounds. Holy shit.

Yeah, he struggled with weight, but he's fucking focused. He blocked in, he's lost 80 pounds. I'm so proud of him. What did he eat? He's on a very specific diet program. I forget the name. I wish I could shout him out because I'd probably get him the shit for free. But, oh, it's called Soda, state of the art.

And it's based in Dallas, and it's like a very specific, hey, you eat this at this time and this at this time. And he's been on it. He's been, he fucked up a little bit here and there, but he's been super dedicated, lost 80 pounds. And I'm sure he's, I've asked him, he's like, I don't know yet because he's just been locked in with COVID and all that. And like, you know, trying to do his business and he's whatever. But he's like, I'm sure once I start living my life normally, I'm going to feel way better. I mean, 80 pounds, that's a child. Yeah, that's a massive amount of weight to carry around.

Carrying around an 80-pound kettlebell everywhere you go. Yeah, and I saw him recently. I was like, dude, you look so fucking good, man. I'm so proud of you. Is he exercising too? He hasn't even started exercising yet. Pure diet. Really?

Pure diet. And then once he starts exercising, he's going to like, I hope, you know, God willing, shape up like fucking, you know what I mean? Look great. Is he done losing weight? Like, has he got to his target weight? No, he's then once he starts exercising, he's going to, God willing, shape up. Like, fucking, you know what I mean? Look great. Is he done losing weight? Has he got to his target weight? No, he's not where he wants to be.

He has a target weight. And I don't remember exactly what it is, but I have faith he'll get there. And then hopefully start working out, too, and really just fucking look way better than me. That'd be great. So, as he's losing weight, you've got to get jacked. I have to. I need Hanavar. Now's the time.

Yeah. Why Hanavar? Why that one? Sounds good to yeah why why hanover why that one that's i heard that i heard that was the one that's not super intense like a light dose light side effects i don't want a nice touch i don't want this androgenic effect or whatever that's called the supergenic yeah it's the one that i'm getting acne and all that shit yeah well that's throwing temper tantrums that's wild yeah i don't need all that. Yeah, I've never taken anything like that. But I know people who have, and I've seen it. And they get zits all over their back, and they get ferocious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Can you imagine me, ferocious, starting fights in the street, getting pummeled while I'm on steroids? I don't need that. Well, the wild thing is girls, when girls get on it. No, no, no. I can't. I can't.

No, no, no. No, no, no. And what do you what are you talking here what's what's what are you doing all i do is uh testosterone like testosterone replacement oh that's light work joe very light i do testosterone um i do peptides that enhance my body's ability to grow uh growth and heal and recover from injuries and stuff. And most of it is just, other than that, it's just nutrients. Just making sure my nutrient levels are balanced out and consistent work.

Like consistent weight-bearing workouts, kettlebell workouts. And then on top of that, the big thing I do for recovery that's, I think is giant is sauna. I do sauna almost every day. I love a sauna. It's great. Yeah. It's so good. It's good for, uh, it helps you maintain muscle mass. It helps you maintain cardiovascular output. And they did a study from Finland that showed a decrease in all cause mortality. If you did the sauna four days a week for 20 minutes at a time. And it's like at 170-something degrees. And they showed decrease, 40% decrease in heart attack, stroke, cancer.

Increased life expectancy. I heard a study. It was crazy. Decreased blood pressure. Every positive health benefit possible. I heard 30 minutes a day, but I heard the same thing. We have an infrared sauna. 30 minutes if you have a lower temperature maybe. Yeah, my gym gym has an infrared sauna i don't know if that's different or whatever

yeah i mean it's definitely better than nothing but the idea is just to get your body hot the thing about those infrared saunas i guess they they kind of do it from the inside something which i don't understand but um when i've talked to experts like laird hamilton you know he's he's into the dry hot sauna. He said that all the studies have been done on dry hot saunas. It's like not like discounting infrareds. And he actually had a problem with infrareds. I think he did one.

He had like a skin reaction. But that might be just him. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I do cold punch too. I do a lot of that. I've heard they're like kind of recanting the science on the cold, the ice baths and all that.

No, they're not recanting. There's no recanting the science. It's just you're not supposed to do it right after lifting weights because it affects hypertrophy. Hypertrophy, yeah. Hypertrophy. Why does it sound so? I know, but I've said that a million times. But you never now and then a word sits in your mouth and you're like, that ain't right.

You ever look at a word that you're spelling and it's a normal word and you're like, what? Exactly. That's how you spell Texas? What the fuck is that? That's weird. It affects your body's ability to get bigger and stronger. So if you lift weights, you're not supposed to. Because part of the reaction is your body is supposed to react to the fact that you broke all that tissue down and it needs time.

So what I like to do if I have a weightlifting session, I don't do the cold plunge until late at night. I do it late at night. But if I do a cardio session, what I like to do is I do a long sauna session and then I do a cold plunge and then another sauna session to reheat back up. So my body goes through this up and down and it just feels great. I'll do half that workload with double the steroids. How will I do? Get on the Camille stack. You just got to talk to the doctor.

The eternal stack. You just got to be an Indian doctor with a neck like my waist who's out there somewhere who knows the right stack. They exist. Call your cousin. Somebody will hit me up after this, I'm sure. It's probably some meatheads right stack. They exist. They exist. Call your cousin. Yeah, somebody will hit me up after this, I'm sure. It's probably some meatheads right now.

Listen, I'm telling you, brother, I can make you bigger. No problem at all, man. We're going to fucking adjust your nutrients. One guy told me, he's a WWE wrestler, he said, don't do it. Even Anivar, whatever you do, as soon as you get off, you'll lose all of it, and you might even be weaker than you were before.

Well, that's not true. See, that's what I needed to hear. That's the kick in the ass I needed to hear. You're not might even be weaker than you were before well that's not true see that's what i was that's what i need to hear that's the kick in the ass i need to be weaker than you were before it doesn't make any sense you you maintain some of the gains that you make if you get off steroids but steroids are dangerous because they shut down your endocrine system right so like if you're thinking about having children oh i am i want kids real bad so don't fuck with it don't fuck with anything yeah got to wait because if you're thinking about having children, when you're introducing exogenous testosterone into your system, it reduces the amount of testosterone that your body naturally creates. So it reduces your sperm count. Oh yeah. I got to knock up my wife a couple

of times and then that's right. Then I'm going. Fire some of them live boys in there. But there's stuff that you can do to naturally increase your testosterone that's legit. And there's different herbs you can take. There's a guy named Andrew Huberman. He's a brilliant guy. I've had him on my podcast multiple times. But he is a professor at Stanford and he's done a lot of work like studying the various compounds that actually do naturally increase your testosterone. Icing your balls for some strange reason increases your testosterone.

All right. I'm in. You're in? I'm in. I got it. Find out if that's still true. Please. That sounds-

Please. It's like, nope. The science has been reversed. It's gone the way of the morality pill. You don't ice your balls anymore. Is that what they used to say? They do say that icing your balls. Yeah, do cold showers increase testosterone?

The idea is that cold showers lower the scrotal temperature, allowing the testicles to produce a maximum amount of sperm and testosterone. But I'm trying to find out. Yeah, I've heard of guys icing their balls to increase their sperm count so they can knock their wife up. Dog, I'm in. I want kids, man. Do you?

I love kids. How old are you now? I'm 37. How old do you want to be when you have kids? 37. Right now? You ready to go? I've been ready.

This sounds so corny. I've been ready to have kids since I was like 20. I don't know if like ready, ready, but like I've been like, I'm excited to be a dad since i was like 20 is the missus down with the program she's i think she's talking in like the next year she's 28 so she had a little bit of time but she's like i think in the next year she's ready thing is like when women get into their 30s and into their late 30s becomes increasingly more difficult to get pregnant and i know quite a few friends that have tried to get pregnant like late yeah and they it's hard. It's a struggle.

I was thinking like 29, we start trying. And then maybe 31, 32, we have another if we have another. Fire them boys up. I'm ready to. Big bags of ice. You got girls, right? Yeah, ice seems to be no evidence. No evidence.

Thank God. A bunch of studies that say it helps with some sort of production with DNA and other things, but tying it all together to say it actually is going to raise testosterone. The cold plunge thing is controversial, but one thing that's not controversial is whether or not— Excuse me. Sorry about this. I keep— One thing that's not controversial is that the heat shock proteins and cold shock proteins that you get from saunas or from ice bath, they show like you can follow with blood work, the inflammatory markers in the blood. cold shock proteins, that what it's doing is reducing inflammation. And it's creating this environment where it helps your body battle inflammation better, which is just one of the biggest causes of disease is inflammation.

That's one of the biggest aging things, right? Yeah. Isn't that Tom Brady's whole thing? He has like a low inflammation diet. I think he's big on anti-inflammation stuff. That's why he doesn't eat nightshades and shit like that. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Tomatoes are bad for you? I've been reading about

that lately where these nutritionists are saying nightshades, which I love, like eggplant and tomato. They're all great. I love nightshades. Why are they bad for you? I guess the inflammation. If you're like an athlete, they're bad for you. But probably for a lifestyle, or probably for like lifespan, probably not bad for you. I would assume.

Really? I would assume. Why would they assume that? Because, you know, tomatoes got lycopene or whatever the fuck else they got. Eggplants Really? I would assume. Why would you assume that? Because, you know, tomatoes got lycopene or whatever the fuck else they got. Eggplants got, I'm sure they got vitamins. But if it's causing inflammation as well, like maybe it fucks up that balance. Well, let's Google this. Why are nightshades bad for you?

Because I was watching this guy on Instagram, Paul Saladino. He was talking about nightshades. What's the deal with nightshade vegetables? Some diets shun them, but research hasn't concluded that they're harmful. Yeah. Problem is, like, food research, it's real tricky. Most science is tricky.

Yeah, it said that some people maybe need to avoid them. Yeah, can we be honest? Most science is misinformation. What? Most science, did we just be backtracking on everything? No, not most science. Every study that comes out gets debunked by something. Some science.

This is what it says. For most people, there's no need to avoid nightshades as studies haven't linked them to negative health consequences. These foods are incredibly healthy and offer more health benefits than costs. However, just like any food, it is possible to be intolerant to them. costs. However, just like any food, it is possible to be intolerant to them. Well, I do know that when I eat tomatoes, like I have a lot of tomato sauce, I have like a funny feeling in my stomach. That's acidity probably. Yeah, probably something, whatever it is. Yeah, tomatoes are acidic. Acidity, alkalinity, that's something I try to, I assume, I don't try to really limit acidity, but I believe alkaline foods are probably better. I think it's with diet.

It's all in like find the thing that makes your body operate the best and then also moderation. Like have some pizza every now and then. Just reward yourself. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah. If you can do that, like some people can't. Some people eat like one slice of pizza and then they're off to the races. I'm one of them.

Are you? I have a very indulgent personality. That's part of the reason I don't smoke, drink, all of that. It's just too much. Like I get too into it. So you just kept yourself like disciplined. Yeah. I just said, I can't imbibe in any of this.

So I'm not, cause I think I'm going to get too into all of it. So I'm not going to do it. Did you figure this out early in life? Yeah. I also grew up with like, I saw alcoholism a lot growing up and I learned about myself i can get really into things i get very comedy i'm so fucking obsessed with comedy and that's not just dessert if i have a bite i'm having the whole thing so i learned that and i learned to get where i want to go i probably can't do any of this stuff because i think it's going to take me too far off the track some people people can do moderation very well. My wife is great at a bite of dessert, a half a glass of wine, and nothing else.

She feels great. Me, I'm not that guy. You start doing blow. Dude, I'm sucking dick for cocaine so fast. So I just said I'm not doing any of it. Yeah. It's interesting how different people have different amounts of self-control. Yes.

Some people have unbelievable self-control and Yes. Some people have unbelievable self-control and discipline. Some people have almost none. And I think moderation self-control is harder than my self-control, which is I'm just not doing any of it. Like I just say no. I never taste it, so I don't know. Right.

You have a flat rule. Yeah. What not to ruin your life with. 100%. And also a secondary reason, this is part of what I always thought about having kids. I want to tell my kids, look, you don't have to live how I lived,

but I want you to know it's possible. Right. Because everybody else is going to tell you, you have to do this, you have to do that, you have to, oh, you should, you have to fuck everybody, you have to try all the drugs. And I want to be like, look, you can,

but you don't have to, to get anywhere. You can live like this and be fine. That's the thing, right? It's like, get anywhere. Everyone is trying to make it, air quotes. They're trying to get somewhere. And you don't want to be a loser. And you look at other people that have been successful, other people that are happy.

What do I have to do to be like them? What do I have to do to make it? What do I have to do to be successful? Yes. And you're a kid. You got to model yourself off of other successful people It's so hard to be a maverick and be a ten-year-old, you know, you know, you know, you don't have enough data Yeah, those kids are the rarest kids. They're so rare

Yeah, and usually they come from horrible households where they're forced to grow up early probably yeah Yeah, but I want like I remember even entering this industry people would, we're going to have to start drinking and go to these parties. You're going to have to do this, you're going to have to do that, and you're going to have to take these roles. And it was just like, I don't want to. I don't want to have to do that. And I want to set the example that you don't have to. I don't know. We just have this idea that you have to fit in to this idea that we have of whatever fitting it in is.

And to me, fitting in is just being a person that can have a conversation. Yeah. I can fit in with you. You're smoking a cigar. I'm not fitting in because I'm not smoking. We're just talking. You're smoking. I don't give a fuck.

Have you ever had a glass of wine? I have been buzzed a couple of times in my life. Once I had a couple glasses of wine and I was a little buzzed. Crazy. Was it a crazy night? No, no, no. It was nothing.

I was just like, I talked a little bit. I had two shots of Jack once. That was the last time I drank. I was 19. Two shots just like, I talked a little bit. I had two shots of Jack once. That was the last time I drank. I was 19. Two shots of Jack, back to back. And then I was pretty fucking obnoxious. Two shots is all it took? Oh, yeah.

It was like, I mean, I was 19. I never really drank. I just bang, bang. And I remember being like, I'm even louder than normal right now. That's hilarious. But then I also remember later that night, I was sober. And I had like, that was the most fun part of the night for me. So I was like, okay, I'm even louder than normal right now. That's hilarious. But then I also remember later that night, I was sober and I had like, that was the most fun part of the night for me.

So I was like, okay, I can be without it. I'm not saying I'll have more fun with, I don't want to be like a fucking afterschool program, but I was like, oh, I can still have fun if I'm sober. So let me not even walk down this path of potentially being like the alcoholics I know in my life. How do you write material? Do you sit at home and write? Do you ever sit in front of a notebook?

I can't do it, dude. I have to write on stage. I have to write on stage. I'm working out a premise that I've been working out, and I like thought it out, states, show after show. I started, I was like, why do I hate white women so much? And then I didn't have anything after that. And then the next time I was like,

oh, I actually think I only hate liberal white women. Conservative white women are great. And then I didn't know why. And then the next time I was like, oh, I actually think I only hate liberal white women. Conservative white women are great. And then I didn't know why. And then the next one I was like, oh, you know what? Conservative white women, the worst thing they'll ever say to you is, bless your heart. That's not bad. There's nothing wrong with that. I grew up in Texas.

They say that to you. The second worst thing is I'll pray for you. And it's like, hey, thanks, bitch. It's nice to know you got my back in case my God is wrong. You're watching my six. And that was over the weekend i started working on this bit so now hopefully next time i go on stage i'll have more and more and more and i'll keep thinking on it why don't you sit down and write though it doesn't come to me as easily i like that i tried the seinfeld sit upright for

an hour a day and i'm writing that's you know i love seinfeld but that's why you're writing bits about fucking alarm clocks or whatever because that's what's around you and that's you know I love Seinfeld, but that's why you're writing bits about fucking alarm clocks or whatever Because that's what's around you and that's not something. I'm naturally good at writing about or talking about if I could suggest Yes, please just write an essay on the subject you don't it doesn't have to be funny interesting You'll find the funny in it see like everybody like comedy is Think Neil Brennan said this to me once he He thinks of his notebook as like a net. And his notebook is like catching ideas. Like his ideas are coming by like a fish in a river.

It's a good way of looking at it. Like you're catching ideas with your notebook. Yeah. But I think that what you can do is just sit down and explore a subject with no, like I used to try to write jokes in joke form like the other day I saw this guy and I would try to write it out and yes feel corny yes it feels stale instead now like if I'm talking about something like whatever it is pollution and I'll just start talking about I'll

write about pollution I'll start writing about straws in the ocean and I'll just start talking about, I'll write about pollution. I'll start writing about straws in the ocean and I'll start writing about birds dying. Do you write from a point of view or do you just write? I write my thoughts. I write my thoughts on it and I expand and then I go over it and I try to find something that I might be able to pick out. And sometimes, like, because when you're just

in the flow of writing, you'll get like, oh, there's something here. And then you take that and then I'll bring it to a whole new note. Like I'll start a whole new page. And so in this new page, then I'll copy and paste that. And then I'll expand upon this one little nugget that I might have extracted from that. And then I'll take that and I'll try to bring it on stage. Right.

Yeah. No, I want to try that. It's, and I, the only thing that I'm struggling with, as I say it is, I, it has to come from the feeling, right? For me. So do I write like, you know, why do, why does pollution bother me? And then go just write it out like that. Just, yeah, you don't have to like, no one's going to read it. Yeah. Right.

So it's like, it's a free ride. Like if you looked at my notes, you'd be like what is this idiot saying? Like a lot of times it's just rambling nonsense because I'm just trying to get ideas out, printed and then try to find something. It's like you're trying to get into a trance. But if you think about all the time

that you said that you researched comedy and you watched comedy and you took notes on how people did things, think of how much more comedy you would have if you took that same kind of approach to creating material. And a lot of people say this, this is a thing, and this is not a criticism of you,

this is a thing with comics. They say, I write on stage. I'm like, bitch, I do too. I write on stage too. But I write, I write right. Like, and I think both is good. I don't think you have to just write on good. I don't think you have to just write on stage, and I don't think you have to just write in a computer or a notebook, but I don't think there's anything lost in writing right. Absolutely. I would love to. It always felt like when I tried the writing, and this is an interesting idea, because when I tried the writing, it never felt authentic. It never felt like it was me speaking from my voice.

Yeah, but- On stage, it was like, oh it was me speaking from my voice. Yeah, but. On stage it was like, oh here I am in my element. It doesn't have to be because you don't have to write what you're gonna say. You just have to write about ideas. Right. And then figure out how to say those ideas on stage.

It's amazing, it's like the resource, it's so valuable of being able to just tap into the mind and tap into your creativity with no one around. Comedy comes alive in front of an audience, for sure. You need other people's reactions. But there's thoughts you have in your head that can become material if you just sit at home and type.

Yeah. There's real benefit to that. No, I will absolutely try that. Yeah, it's like a lot of people don't do it. Yeah. And they always want to say that. Like, oh, right on stage. We probably love the idea that we only write, it sounds so romantic.

Yeah, I've had arguments with comedians about it. I go, I do too. Yeah. Like, it's not stopping you. Right. Like, how often you review your set. How often you listen to a recording and watch a video. Like, you should be doing that too.

Yeah. It's like the more time, this is the way I put it. Like, every time you do a set on stage that's a hundred percent of a set you did one set right but every time you listen to a set i think that's like 40 of a set i think that's like you do more reps you're getting more reps right and if you write and listen in you know and i think it's like it adds to it yeah yeah%. The content game is tough in that sense. Yeah. Of like,

you're always turning shit over now. Do you try to do anything to like increase your experiences or to like to, to experience life specifically? So you have something to talk about? I wonder about that a lot. And that's something I'm trying to figure out right now. Cause I had this, you put out your first thing and it's something i'm trying to figure out right now because i had this you put

out your first thing and it's only 20 minutes of material but it was 20 minutes that would like really prop up an hour i still had an hour i can still do an hour without it but there were these jokes that i would pepper in and i wouldn't do those 20 minutes every time but i'd put in these one or two that are like oh these are fucking strong i know those elevate the whole set yeah now i'm like oh i understand when you put out the hour Then you have to have a new hour and you have to have a new hour So how do you constantly turn over material and I'm trying to figure out is it just different experiences? Is it gonna be I go fucking skydiving is it gonna be I smoke weed once and see how that goes again

Like what is what is the process of generating that new hour? I think a big part of his writing Yeah, big part of it is writing. Yeah. Big part of it is just sitting down thinking about that. Yeah. Because like you might not get it in a day, you might not get it in a week, but if you keep doing it consistently, you're going to come up with ideas that could eventually be like the seeds that lead to the growth of a eventual bit. And even like, uh, I was thinking, I remember during the pandemic at first I was doing these like vlogs thing, vlog things things and they weren't good. But they ended up just being writing sessions.

And I would have to every three times a week, four times a week, take a story and then do something about it. And sometimes they just ended up being premises. One of them is the special about how the Native Americans mascot isn't racist enough and it should be more racist. That started from a vlog that sucked. But then I was able to be like, oh, this is funny ideas. I could take that to the stage. But that's like what bill burr and tim dillon what we're talking about the two guys are the best at that kind of ranting yeah that ranting is tough because when someone's bad at there's a few people out there that are bad at it yeah and it's like oh if i did that i wouldn't even put it out i would just listen back to it and be like did i say

anything useful yeah i'm not putting that at billr, I remember listening when I had some job that I hated, and he would have moments that I would just fucking cackle at. And I'd be like, how is he doing this? It'd be long periods where I wouldn't laugh or whatever, but then every 30 minutes or so, I would howl in an office. It's intense real-life frustration and anger. Yes, and he's so tapped into that feeling. He's so tapped in.

And being tapped in is so powerful yeah there's a few people that i look at and i'm like yo they're so in touch with how they're funny bill burr is like and there's a comic canadian guy named nathan mcintosh who lives here poor guy gets compared to bill burr all the time just because he's redheaded and kind of he lives in austin no he lives in new york oh but he's another guy this This is Texas. This is not Texas. This is vegan Texas. This is Texas. You guys are Tesla. Tesla, Texas.

What does that mean? I mean, Texas is oil and gas. You guys are Tesla actively killing oil and gas. Oh, it's not killing oil and gas. It takes oil and gas to make a Tesla. Yeah, but not enough, Joe. It takes plenty. Not enough.

These oil and gas stocks are going to fucking crater. You think so? Probably. I'm talking. There's not enough batteries for all the people to have electric cars. There will be soon. No, I'm looking into this. I've been researching this because I've been researching climate change lately. There's this

idea of zero. Is it as dire as everybody says? I don't know. I don't think it's good,? I don't know. I don't think it's good. But I don't believe... The idea that people wouldn't be alarmists about this subject is silly. They're alarmists about everything. Everything is exaggerated. Everything is grossly exaggerated. The dangers and the benefits.

Right? Right. So I don't think it's going to be as bad as everybody says because they keep having to change their ideas like used to go to visit this part of the was the Antarctic or the Southpole that was saying that by 2020 you know so much of this will be gone and they had to change that Yeah, they had to change the sign because 2020 came and went and it was like, hey, everything's still here. I don't think it's that easy to predict.

I do think that human beings, without a doubt, are having a detrimental effect on our environment. The question is like how much of an effect, what can be done to mitigate it, and what are the costs

of turning it around? And that's what, I'm in the middle of this book right now. I have a guest coming up and it's heavy duty, man, because it's like, I have to be paying attention because a lot of it is about statistics. And there's all these different things that they're covering in terms of like how many days have been the hottest days ever over the past 10 years. And you follow those. You're like, wow, we have so many days of the hottest days ever.

And then you go, yeah, but also look how many days are the coldest days ever and then you go oh okay this is complex wouldn't that be climate change though and not yeah but it's the thing about this concept of climate change it's like i don't think it's specifically known exactly how we're affecting we're definitely affecting it in a bad way. But I think people, there's, there's becomes an industry on people capitalizing on people's fear of climate change. And then there's also regulations and rules that can be passed. And then there's also subsidies that can be granted. And there's also, it's a bunch of shenanigans that go along with any social cause any climate any environmental cause right even though it's an important thing to pursue

it's like we definitely should be trying to figure out how to do less in terms of pollution and waste and you know, but it's it's it's it's a complex issue that a lot of people just have a It's a complex issue that a lot of people just have a perspective on that they adopt and don't research, and then they just start espousing. They'll tell you, like, in 20 years, Miami's going to be underwater. Yeah. Okay.

That's where I'm going to live. I don't want that. You should go back now. I want to force Andrew to go back. I want to move in the next year. I liked him being there. I was like, you should be the king of Miami. Dude, he had a tan.

I want to go to Miami and fucking bring you gifts as the king of Miami. If you came to Miami, you came to Flagrant 2. It was the thing. We had fucking Alex Jones coming through. Twice. Twice. Well, once it was in New York. Oh, was it?

We had him coming through. Guy won me over. Why is it Flagrant 2? That is, it started as a sports podcast because the idea was sports is one thing that's not politicized very often. So you can kind of sneak in the stuff you want to say. And flagrant two is the basketball foul that is like you're intentionally trying to hurt that person. You get thrown out of the game. So it's a flagrant two.

So that's why we call it a flagrant two. And we kind of knew we would talk about sports less and less. Now we barely talk about it, if at all. But the idea was still like sports is something that people don't get too up in arms about ever. Sports fans tend to be pretty cool about all this shit. Were you nervous having Alex Jones on? I was uneasy, yeah. I wasn't even uneasy about getting canceled.

I didn't understand him. I heard what I heard. I didn't listen to him., I was, you know, I heard what I heard. I didn't listen to it. This guy won me the fuck over, man. Look at you on his lap. This guy was a charming son of a bitch, dude. I wish that that Sandy Hook thing had never happened. Because if it wasn't for that, the guy's a different cultural figure.

Yeah. I didn't. What I think, though, when I sat down with him, I had only heard that. And I was like, you you're gonna have this guy on a fucking podcast what are we talking about I didn't know I wasn't listening to InfoWars

you see little snippets he's yelling it's like this a lot and then I'm talking to him on Flagrant and I'm like oh you're a stand up he's kind of a stand up

you're a stand up you're just a stand up he's got timing he says crazy shit and you make it work but he does constantly research things. Constantly.

Like when something's going on with like Davos or something like that, I can call him up and go, hey, man, what is this? Yes. And he'll send me some articles like, here it is, Associated Press. I'll associate the press. They know for sure what's going on. This is what they're trying to do. They're trying to instigate this program to try to get people to comply.

Don't do it. Give in. Keep your humanity. I got to go. That is a really fucking good Alex Jones. I've known him for 23 years. Now, I don't- 24 years.

I know a lot of people will probably get pissed if I say this. A lot of the shit he said, I'm like, I don't believe it just because it's too exhausting for me to believe it. So I just be dismissing it. But I was like, this guy's funny, man. He's a standup. He's very funny. And because of Sandy Hook, he's toxic and radioactive and

you can't have him on any platform and that's why i'm kind of glad we brought him on in the end because he really he showed me i saw who he was but also like all right we brought on the guy supposed to be toxic and radioactive and we should have they should have a place yeah i'm glad you brought him on i i was happy when that happened and andrew Andrew's got balls. Yeah. I love that about him. Yeah. I love that he'll take that kind of a chance and have a guy on that's, you know, many circles. Like, that's one of the number one criticized guests I've ever had. Oh, he's by far my most. I have friends who are still like, I can't fucking believe you did that. Mm-hmm.

And I have to stand like, all right, buddy, you do fucking shows on CBS. You think they don't have racist views or whatever the fuck think they have like you think these guys are heroes on these network Executives, you know what I mean? Like you can't do a show for CBS and think oh these guys are super open-minded and wonderful people and now that's what they put on though It's like if you do a show for CBS, they would never let Alex Jones on He was not no one who's like incredibly controversial would be able to get on. Yeah, but I'm saying you still work for an asshole. You know what I mean?

Yeah, probably. Yeah. Less and less likely now. Like they've weeded out a lot of assholes. It's hard to survive as an asshole in those businesses now. I'm just saying we all compromise on morality at a certain point.

And I met this guy and I was like, hey, actually, I like the guy. He's a good dude. I like the guy. And you're not actually i like the good dude i like the guy and i you're not supposed to say it but i like the guy yeah i don't agree with him on most things but i like the guy what don't you agree with him on a lot of stuff he was saying again it was just a lot of information and i was thinking as a guy who's just a skeptic in general and like stuff you'll say here i'll just naturally question it on both sides i just ask everybody questions i was

like i feel like you're just saying a lot of shit hoping i don't ask you follow-up questions because you know i haven't read oh but if you ask him follow-up questions he's got answers no alex is a savant when it comes to that shit when we had him on the last time on the podcast um people got annoyed that i was fact checking him apparently but i wanted everyone to know that he actually does research. Like when I'm asked, I'm like, wait, is that true? And then he'll show, pull up the article, Associated Press, right here. Bill Gates giving them polio.

Like he'll show you the articles and you're like, what? Yeah. And you watch and you see the article that's like a mainstream news publication. I'm sure there's also just times where I'm like, look, I don't want to believe this because I'm happier this way. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. And this conspiracy theory thing, it's like, to what end'm like, look, I don't want to believe this because I'm happier this way. It's exhausting.

It's exhausting. And this conspiracy theory thing, it's like, to what end? Like, oh, you end up being right. Okay. Hey, good for you. Alex has had some legitimate psychotic breaks in the past, too, where he's been drinking really heavily. And he gets real depressed, like, getting into all these conspiracies. Like, he goes so deep into this.

It's a dark circle. It's a dark hole to go down. That's why I'm like, ignorance is bliss, and I'm cool being ignorant. You guys can have the truth. I want a happy family. You know what I mean?

I want to be a father with happy kids. But if you want to be a father and want to be happy, you're going to have to eventually embrace the fact there's real problems. And your voice, especially as you're doing your show with Andrew and your own show and your stand-up your voice is going to continue to get more and more prominent and as that happens and more people respect your opinions and your

perspective on things it's going to be more important for you to express yourself and it's going to be more important for you to pay attention to what's happening so that you can have an opinion all right let me try to poke's happening so that you can have an opinion. All right. Let me try to poke a hole in what you said. Come on. You're smart as fuck, bro. Let me try to poke a hole in what you said. Can't I just tell people like, yo, here's how we can act on a human to human level?

Sure. Can't I be that guy? I'm comfortable being that guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good too. The truth seekers. Very important. You guys have that.

That's a lot. That's the thing that I'm like exhausted by. Truth seekers sounds like you have a bad American flag tattoo important. You guys have that. That's a lot. That's a thing that I'm exhausted by. Truth seekers sounds like you have a bad American flag tattoo somewhere. You know? If you're a truth seeker. Yes, dude, yes. It's like fucked up stars and shit. I don't want to be that guy.

Again, every conspiracy theorist I know is miserable. Oh, yeah. It's a fucking dark life. Well, when I first got into conspiracies, really, the first conspiracy I got into was the JFK assassination, and I got into it when I was working in Philly I was doing a gig and I had a book that this buddy of mine in a band had given me So you gotta read this book. It's called best evidence, but it's got David Lifton It's all about the Kennedy assassination, and I read it all day and then went on stage and bombed

Oh, yeah, of course like so like the first show I told them I was like, I'm sorry I read this book. It was a real bummer. And they're like, you're supposed to be funny. I go, next show I'll be way better. The next show I was good, and they're like, don't do that again. I'm like, I won't do that again. Dude, how do you find the fun? It wasn't fun, because I was like, oh my God, they murdered the president.

Yeah. You know, and this was 1990 something. I listened to a radio show from Dallas, real Texas, Every Day Still, and there's one guy on there who's a big not-conspiracy-theorist Kennedy guy. He's like a, no, Lee Harvey Oswald did it. I'm super-researched. I'll go toe-to-toe with any conspiracy theorist. I want to see y'all go at it.

You don't want me. You want Oliver Stone. Oliver Stone will eat that guy alive. Oh, I would love that. I had Oliver Stone on the podcast. I heard a little bit of it, yeah. He just has a new one that's on Showtime, a documentary on the JFK assassination.

It's genius. It's so good. It's so detailed. And it's so fact-based that as you get deeper into it, as he unveils layer after layer after layer, it's very hard to imagine that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. Obviously, I don't know. I don't think he acted alone, though. Yeah. Let's get that debate going.

I pushed all my chips, all my chips into more than one person was involved. And most likely, it had nothing to do with Lee. Lee Harvey Oswald was some kind of a patsy. They set him up. And they had apparently tried to kill Kennedy at other opportunities, and they had other patsies that were lined up that they set up as well. They get a lot of these people that are just like what they would call useful idiots.

They're dorks, and they can get them to do things, and they can throw the blame on them. And when they arrested him, and he's like, I didn't do it, I'm a patsy, he does not seem like a guy who just shot the president right he seems like a guy who's like can't believe they're fucking doing this to me like he's gonna get his lawyer and then Jack Ruby kills him mm-hmm yeah and we can go deeper and deeper because it's gonna get weirder and weirder the more I

talk about it because Jack Ruby was connected to this guy named Jolly West who worked for the CIA he was a part of their mind control experiments. MK Ultra shit. And they had a thing called Operation Midnight Climax where they used to give LSD to Johns in brothels. So these guys would go into a brothel, think they were going to get laid, and the CIA would give them acid. Oh, Jesus.

And then they'd watch them through a two-way mirror. Joe, I don't. I checked out so long ago. I don't care. Joe. Hey, I don't. I checked out so long ago. I don't care, Joe. Hey, I'm sorry. I don't. It's not that. Hey, it's nothing bad.

You don't have to care. You know. Limited amount of time and resources in a day, right? Right. Why pay attention to shit that happened in the 1960s? I'm saying. Guys trying to get their dick sucked and acid. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, JFK. Don't make his head close up. You know what I mean?, don't make his head close up You don't bring him back if you had if you could go back in time and find out if one thing one like Conspiracy that would probably be mystery would that be the one that would be the one but I don't care enough to research it I just want to know and be done. I Didn't want to know and be done. Let's cut out all the fucking research, you know

so I just want to know and be done. Let's cut out all the fucking research, you know? So when you put out your specials, you just put out the special, how much time do you have outside of that special that you're ready to tour with? I have another hour ready to go. Really? Yeah. Now, it needs to be elevated.

Of course. But I have the hour and I'm working on bits and it's different and there's are certain those are more like this was purely like a societal like special. All the points are kind of societal points. Right now I have a lot of relationship points. I have a couple of society points. I want more of those to balance things out. So I have an hour that I'm not proud of. I wouldn't say this is ready to go. It's a framework. But it i have the framework of an hour and usually some of that time is crowd work or whatever but like i also you know i want to find a way to showcase some of the crowd work in the same way andrew did because you know he and i both came up doing shows for three people at the village lantern so your crowd work had to get yeah because i can't just do jokes for these guys they're going to be like is this guy a fucking loser doing jokes to three people so you had to do the crowd work and then find your bit and like weave it in What is that club the lantern it's called the village lantern next the it's on bleaker Street

Across like around the corner from the cellar and that's where I like became a comic the comic I wanted to be and it was downstairs. They closed the downstairs. They do shows upstairs It's not the same. Downstairs was a fucking dungeon. You would stand out on the street and bark people in. And then you'd have to convince them. Because it's not even a comedy club. It's a fucking cellar of a bar.

So you'd have to convince them there's a real comedy show that happens. And the comics are funny. And then you would do a show for five people. And then once you started, you would keep trying to get people in. Wow. And hopefully you could get 15 people at a show. And that's where like the crowd work just- 15 was a big one.

Yeah, 15 was a big one. And the crowd work had to get so sharp. What was the capacity? 70 maybe. 70 was cracking. 70 was hot. So it's smaller than the belly room at the store. Probably.

Yeah, smaller than the belly room because there's no side section. It's just that front section of the store. That's nice. Yeah, it was nice and it was fucking, it was raw, dude. It's just that front section of the store. That's nice. Yeah, it was nice and it was fucking, it was raw, dude. And every comic that came out of there

was raw. You had to be to survive. I think we also cultivated that because we wanted comedy that was like, you know. Yeah. Even like, I have a friend,

Michael Blaustein, very silly comedian, but when it came to the crowd work shit, he could still go because you had to. Yeah. And it's just every drunk asshole

off the street in the West Village is coming in. Like like you got to be ready to go my most viewed clip hopefully before this is a heckler clip and it's at the it's at that place but i'm just able to walk this line with this girl because i'm so trained at it it's like a 10 year old clip and i'm just so like ready for everything because i'm that muscle was so strong back then you're just so used to doing it so used to dealing with assholes and where do you work out most of the time in New York now now mainly New York Comedy Club to stand a little bit I'm gonna try to get into the cellar after this the special and all that uh but New York Comedy Club is like I fucking love that place did you ever do Dangerfields when it was open it was it was

like performing in Dracula's fucking tomb, man. Rodney Dangerfield was rolling over in his grave looking at that place. They used to have great cheeseburgers. I never ate there, dude. I wouldn't trust

a single fucking thing at that place. Solid cheeseburgers. What was the last time you performed there? I was there like two, three years ago. 1992?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was there two, three years ago and it was like, what the fuck is happening here, man? The COVID killed him, right? It went under during COVID. No, I went there before COVID and it should have been dead years ago.

This place should have died in 2001 at the latest. But I mean, COVID did kill it, though. I hope so. It was. Thank God. Put it out of its misery. Bro, I love that place. You love it because you were there in 92, Joe.

It was great. Son, you were there in the fucking third season of Seinfeld. Yes. Think about how long ago that was. It might not have even been the third season. It might have been before the first season. Yeah, dude, Friends hadn't even premiered. You were at the fucking,

that was the last time you were at Dangerfield. It's a, now it's, you walk in there and you truly feel bad. Like, what is this? There's a few comedy clubs in New York that I truly hope COVID ended. Really? Yeah.

And that's one of them? That was one of them. But that's where Sam Kinison first got on stage on HBO on the Roddy Dangerfield special. You know what? That's where Dice Clay and Bill Hicks. Turn it into a fucking museum, man. Wow.

That's what you do with those plays. You turn them into a museum. You are heartless. That's a heart. Dude, if you perform there, you would say, I guarantee you, obviously if you say you're performing there, everybody would have packed it out. But if you just went there on a drop-in, you would be like, yo, what happened to this place? Joey Diaz was going there.

It was deader than Dangerfield. New Jersey. What? How dare you? What? Son of a bitch. What? I love Dangerfield.

It's got my favorite joke ever. Do you do clubs in Jersey? Like do you do Stress Factory? I do Stress Factory. One of the special, like a few jokes from a special are at Stress Factory. I love Dangerfield. It's got my favorite joke ever. Do you do clubs in Jersey? Like do you do Stress Factory? I do Stress Factory. One of the special, like a few jokes from a special are at Stress Factory. I love that club. It's a great club. Great club.

The laughs fucking boom in there. I was there by accident recently. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went down there for the UFC and me and my friend Tommy and Tony Hinchcliffe, we went to eat the day before the UFC at the Steakhouse. And we were eating there, and the chef came over to say hi,

and he goes, are you here to see Brewer? Oh, shit. I go, I thought he moved to Florida. And he goes, no, he did, but he's doing stand-up across the street. I go, what? So I didn't even realize that the Steakhouse we were eating at was across the street from the Stress Factory.

Dude, I performed there, and the guy told me he was a fan and he goes, Rogan was right here like a week ago or two weeks ago or whatever. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. Yeah. It's a great steakhouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it called? Steak 85 or some shit like that?

I don't remember. Steak 85, something like that. Something like that. I went there for happy hour. So I walked across the street and it was just in between shows where everybody was letting out from the first show and I got to hang out with Brewer for a while. Oh, dude. He's the shit.

Yeah, he seems like such a nice guy. Oh my God, he's the best. I just love him because I half-baked when I was growing up. It was like the funniest shit in the world. He's so genuine. I don't have very many friends that are as, well, that's not true. I have a lot of genuine friends, but there's not a lot of people out there, I should say, that are as genuine as Jim Brewer.

Like, he doesn't give a fuck about fame. And, like, once he got off of Saturday Night Live, he was like, fuck this. Fuck this way of life and this living. That's great. He's just like, I'm fucking doing my own thing. I'm just going to do stand-up. And he's probably, there's a few, like, super underrated comics out there, and I think Jim is at the top of that list.

Really? That guy murders. But his fans know it. He sells out everywhere. Really? Everywhere. That's all you need. He's always killing.

You're better off that way. Sell out. Just have your fans. Kill it on the road. Under the radar. You don't have to deal with the bullshit of fame. Yeah, you don't want to do what I'm doing. Dude, the pressure you have on you is hell.

Is it? It seems like a do what I'm doing. Dude, the pressure you have on you is hell. Is it? It seems like a lot. I'm okay. Okay. You just got to know how to manage it. All right, fair enough. Like last night I went on stage. It was like my first set since the most major of cancellations.

Yeah, yeah. But luckily I have a whole bit on it. Oh, okay. And it was like fun. It's charged. People want to have a good time. People together, like when you're all together, people like one-on-one and in crowds are great.

The problem is when they're alone in front of a computer, when they're disconnected with you and they're communicating online. It's not real. That's not, those are not real human beings. I mean, they are real humans, but it's not a real human interaction. Yeah. It's just bizarre. and they don't know you they don't but they and they want to pretend you're something that you're not which is disingenuous but it doesn't work when you have a podcast if the people know you from the podcast because they've seen you they've heard you for so long like they know

your flaws they know you like if you hear a person talk for like fucking hundreds of hours, you know who they are. Yeah. Somebody said, I don't remember who it was, but he said that's the closest you can get to being inside someone's brain is they're listening to you talk in ear, a lot of times earbuds for hours a day, four days a week. Yeah. You're right there. Just you talking. So they really know you. You're like in there.

Especially people that go on like long runs while they're listening to you. Because it's, I think a long run is kind of a meditative thing anyway. And then while you go on these long runs, then you're listening to you, you know, or they're listening to you in their head talking. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. Yeah. How often do you guys do Flagrant? We do two episodes a week.

Maybe we'll do three down the road. I don't know. But right now it's two episodes of one public, one Patreon. Patreon is the wilder episode. With the idea is like, if you're trying to be funny, let's go. Just try to be funny. And if you fail, fine, try again.

But the jokes are good. Have you guys been fucked with at all? Like by YouTube or anything? We had the Alex Jones episode taken down the first time because of vaccine misinformation. What did he say? I think he said

the vaccine causes cancer or something like that. Vaccines give you magnets. Yeah, I think so. And it was such a good episode, dude. It's the best. Can you just edit that part out and re-upload it?

We tried. They wouldn't let, oh no, we tried but we didn't have the episode backed up because we're dumbasses. Oh no, so you just lost it? So that, that was the bet and the michael irvin episode were the best episodes we've ever done of the podcast michael irvin's wild dude he's the bet you have

to have him on this i would love to he's my favorite athlete of all time i'm a cowboy fan i shared a flight with him once um just randomly he was going to aust to Australia for some football clinic thing. Yeah, and I was going there for UFC and so we're on this like 16-hour flight and We got to talking and he's a brilliant guy and he was talking about so wise very wise, but he was talking to me about Children that grow up in violent households is that the like when there's domestic abuse when the mother's pregnant And then the when the family is around violence there's actually a reaction that happens to the child in the womb so the children come out and they're more likely to be violent they're more likely to snap quicker

and he's like you see this a lot in professional athletes football players fighters you know uh i mean you think about it man if you're in fucking arkansas and you're living in some trailer and your dad beats the fuck out of your mom your mom's pregnant like your mom is like constantly in this like state of you come out you're like those wild country fucks yeah like you know that grow up like that like why why are they so wild why wild? Because they have to be to survive. Your brain is geared up to deal with a certain amount of violence and chaos as a baby while you're in the womb. Yeah, it's just programmed with a high level

of stress already. Yeah, but he was explaining it to me from a legitimate scientific perspective. He had researched it and he really knew what the gene expressions were and everything. But then you see him on your show and he's wild he i don't know i had never seen i've seen so many interviews of that guy i had never seen that side of him me neither and it was so funny schultz called me up he goes bro

you gotta have him on you gotta have mine and schultz didn't really know michael irvin like he knew him but he didn't know like all the antics and all this shit and I'm a fan so I've researched and whatever but man he just came in I think he might have heard of us and been prepared for what it was we showed up with a suit and sunglasses on he came in straight from ESPN left his sunglasses on

complained about our studio being in Brooklyn took a shit in the bathroom as soon as he got there and then was just complaining about the public bathroom and then he just sat down and went dude unbelievable he is another guy that could have done stand up no fucking problem Eddie Griffin level showmanship

wow yeah beast pure beast let's get him on here I'd love to 100% that's gonna happen but listen man I'm glad I got you on here thank you so much for having me my pleasure it's an honor. My honor. So your special is out right now.

I watched it today on YouTube. It's, what is it called? Bring Back a Pooh. Bring Back a Pooh. And it's available for free. Check it out. It's already got a half a million views. Look at that. Yep, yep, that's it right there.

Look at you. Look at that. Interesting choice in shirt. Handsome son of a bitch. Look at that. Look at that, two days, 439, of a bitch Look at that Look at that Two days 439,000 views That's pretty nice

Pretty fucking nice For two days Yeah That's beautiful Thank you to everybody Who helped with it Thank you to Andrew Congratulations

Best of luck Thank you so much Let's do it again Absolutely Do it again Thank you man And Flagrant 2 Is available on YouTube

It's available on Patreon Yes Is it on iTunes It's on everywhere Podcasts are found Okay Beautiful Alright Bye everybody God bless on Patreon. Yes. Is it on iTunes? It's on everywhere podcasts are found. Okay, beautiful. All right.

Bye, everybody. God bless.