The Joe Rogan Experience - #1794 - Monty Franklin

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

Monty Franklin is a stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and television personality.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Oh, that's what the British would say, a proper cigar lighter. Was that your British accent? Yeah, it was terrible. You can't tell if I'm from New Zealand, Britain, Scotland. No, it was the shit. How many people that don't know you're from Australia think you're British?

I never get it. I always get Australian. Really? I've never been called anything else. Maybe New Zealand or British once. That's amazing because you lived in Florida for a year. That basically is another country. They don't know what the fuck's going on in the rest of the world.

I love it. People that stay in Florida. Florida, it's like 1985 and they just said, no, we're just going to stay here. Everything's fluorescent and the buildings haven't been updated since. Everything's strange. What part of Florida are you living in? We're in Orlando for a year. Oh, okay. So that's Disneyland. That's a weird place anyway. Disney World. That's a weird place anyway because it's all Disney-fied. Yeah. It's like Disney, like half the people work for Disney in Orlando just

walking around and stuff. It's a strange place. I enjoyed the time that we were there, but I'm glad that we're leaving. Sorry, Orlando. It's a fun place to stay during the pandemic, I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, everything was open. They act like it's not real. Well, no. Nothing happened there. There wasn't a pandemic. Everyone just lived their lives and carried on and went to boat regattas and made out with each other in the streets. Yeah. I was talking to Stan Hope. And Stan Hope, by the way, never got COVID, which is amazing. Amazing.

I mean, if anybody's going to compromise. He probably got COVID 20 years ago and he's had it that whole time or something. It's a joke he has. He says he's been experiencing COVID-like symptoms for the past 30 years. But he was traveling to Wyoming and Montana. And he goes, to Wyoming and Montana, and he goes, and they were like, we never had any restrictions. There's places that just never locked anything down.

I wonder if there's, I mean, no, I was going to say Hawaii, but Hawaii was pretty locked down, wasn't it? They're still locked down. I was just there. Really? I was there last week, and they made me put a mask on in the gym. I'm like, well, cut the shit.

I'm in the restaurant. I don't have to wear a mask. I'm in the gym. I like well cut the i'm in the i'm in the restaurant i don't have to wear a mask i'm in the gym i do like where's the logic tell me what because i'm breathing harder yeah kofa doesn't go into the restaurant you have to get tested and get into the state like you have to have a test you do a pcr test to get into the state so they know you don't have covid and then you get there no one has covered there there. Everybody in the resort, I was staying at the Four Seasons, everybody has been tested. It's very nice. Very nice place. Nice gym, too. But it's fucking, it's preposterous.

And not only that, you're wearing this surgical mask. These fucking stupid paper masks don't do a goddamn thing anyway. No. When I talked to Michael Osterholm, infectious disease expert, he was explaining why these N95 masks work. He's like, that's what you want. If you really think you're in contact with something and you want to prevent any kind of infection, you should have an N95 mask. What is he saying about something about the magnetic something about it? Electrostatic chargers.

Right. And somehow or another, it literally like stops the particles in the mask itself. I'm like, oh. And that's the only one that does it. That makes sense. Yes. Wearing your underpants on your face doesn't work. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. It's a face diaper. It's fucking so stupid. And not only that, a lot of people were wearing, this fucking guy at the gym, where they said it was okay with him, he had a face shield. So this guy has a thing. The clear thing? Yeah, clear thing.

What is the point of that? Goes down like this, and there's a big gap. There's this big gap underneath. You can go in there and pick your nose. It doesn't make any... It's like we're in clown world. So he's okay, but I have to put on this surgical thing. Maybe he has other issues.

Maybe people spit in his face a lot. He's like, I can't do this anymore. I need a face shield. He just walks around insulting everybody. I guess I need some protection from this. He was on the fucking stair machine. I'm like, come on, bro. That is crazy.

That's like a cat that hides under a table, but you can still see his tail. I'm like, who did that? If I could see you, bro. My cats do that. They're terrible hiding. They run under the couch and half of their ass and their tail's out, and I go, it was a good try, but I can fully see you. If I can't see you, you can't see me.

It's like closing your eyes as a kid. You can't see me. But I was getting shitty the other day because I was on the plane, and the mask was because I've been traveling a lot. I was getting a pimple on my nose from wearing a mask on it And I just didn't want to pimple my nose because who does and so I was just letting it hang down there and just everyone Was coming up above your nose, please sir, and I just wanted to go Pimple can you just please let me as if as if that makes any sense?

I mean that is one of the more preposterous things that people have just accepted during this pandemic. And follow the science. Follow the science. Well, please follow the science on that. Because unless everybody has an N95 mask and it's fucking properly fitted, tight to your face, this is nonsense. This is nonsense. Do you remember seeing the guy at the very start of pandemic surfing out in Malibu with a face mask on? No, but I do remember the guy who was paddle boarding who got arrested.

Oh, do you remember those boats chasing him? It was unreal. In the middle of the fucking ocean by himself. They had a helicopter come and then the two boats came. God damn it. We lost our fucking mind. It shows you how goofy people really are if something goes sideways. Yeah.

Most people are not prepared. We can't trust people. We can't trust people in masses. Not just not in masses, but even the government. The people that are in charge of policing. The fact that the police didn't say, hey, hey, hey, we're not, the Coast Guard didn't say this, we're not going to go out and arrest a fucking paddleboard of guys. This is nonsense.

This is like deep enough into the pandemic that there was already data on outdoor passing of the virus. And outdoor transmission was almost non-existent. Yeah. This is not where it's happening. It's happening in closed, tight spaces. Yeah. Where people are breathing on each other. And that's the early days of the pandemic where you had to be around each other for a long time to catch it.

Yeah. This new shit, this Omicron, you could be passing by someone and they sneeze and you got it. But it's over now. No one's talking about the next variant and stuff. It's like COVID got canceled. It had a couple of good seasons and then the antagonist wasn't powerful enough

so they've gone on to another show. Well, luckily, this new variant is very mild, Omicron. Although so many people are saying, like, people are still getting hospitalized. But maybe. But those many people are saying, like, people are still getting hospitalized, but maybe. But those people likely are severely compromised because I had it and it was, obviously I had the original COVID,

but that wasn't that bad for me either. Yeah. But the new COVID is a fucking breeze. I don't know which one I had. You probably had the Delta because if you had an October, does she have it? I think so. You probably had Delta Delta because if you had an October, does she have it? I think so.

You probably had Delta. I had Delta. And then I also had Omicron. And Omicron was, but again, I had antibodies from Delta. Omicron was, I couldn't believe it was COVID. I mean, I had like sniffles. Right. And I was like, really?

And then the next day I was negative. I tested negative the next day. I was like, this is crazy. Did you do all the same shit or you just kind of let it? Same shit. Same shit. Yeah. Vitamin ID, IV drips, monoclonal antibodies, everything.

Yeah. That's the ticket, I think, is the monoclonal antibodies. I went to try and get them, but it was like $1,200 or something. And I just went. Well, they're supposed to be free. They're free in a lot of places. They were free in Texas. They were free in Florida.

I don't know how the health system works here, and I don't know what I've got. I'm not a citizen. I don't know what I'm allowed to do. Are you illegal? Are you married yet? Did you get married yet? I am, yeah. Yeah, so you're illegal now.

You married an American. Good job, by the way. Thank you. You chose wisely. I had a green card before that. Because I came here on what was an O-1 working visa, and then after three years or something like that, you can get the green card. Is it hard for a comic to get a working visa in America?

Yes. It's hard for anyone to get a working visa. But I think as a comic, there's not that many of us. It's not that. It says on the form you have to prove that you're an alien of exceptional ability and you can do a job here that no one else can do here. So you have to prove. This is what it says. I had to prove to the government here that me not being here was an injustice to the entertainment industry.

Like they were, you know, doing. Well, if you want someone to tell comedy about being from Australia and moving to America you and Jim Jeffries that's it it's just us who the fuck else is out there there's a few but not that are touring around as much as like Jim and I are and you know there's a couple in LA and probably New York

that I don't I don't know anybody else but you guys there's a couple in LA that are that are good but you know I believe it but I mean as far as like people that i'm aware of yeah i know you and i know jim jim and i are the only ones who are touring around the country and so they should probably shut the fuck up and give you a green card well they did but it just it took a lot of time and money just took money yeah that's what it is it's a business yeah. It's a whole industry. It was like $20,000 all up. Whoa, really?

Yeah, for the O-1 and the green card combined, I spent about $20,000 to live here in the land of the free. Is it for lawyers? What is the $20,000? Yeah, I'm including everything. It's lawyers. I had to fly back to Australia to go to the consulate there to get the thing and stuff. So I'm including all of that, all the bullshittery. You had to fly back home, get some paperwork. They can fax that? Some people go to Canada or Mexico and just get out of the country and do it there and stuff,

but it was just easier for me to go back home. Do people still fax? There's three people that still fax and they just fax each other. They go, hey, you still got the fax machine? And he goes, yep, got it. I remember, I think I had an app on my phone that faxed during the early day. It might have been on a Blackberry. I might be making this up now. I think maybe it was an Android phone. There are fax apps.

Is that correct, Jamie? Am I making this up? I think you're right. Like DocuSend type things or something. DocuSend is like, oh, that's different than DocuSign. DocuSign makes me laugh. Every time I have to DocuSign. DocuSign makes me laugh. Every time I have to DocuSign something, because I just click on this little thing,

and it just says my name, and it's not my real signature, but it's like a fake version of my signature. It's one they've generated. But, like, I'm doing this for, like, giant deals. Like, big, important things worth a shit ton of money. And I'm just like, click, there's my fake signature.

Click, there's my fake signature. Is this your signature, sir? What is that? When are we going to stop doing this? When are we going to stop signing? There are fax apps. But I'm reading what they do. It sounds like they just kind of send email.

They're actually getting pictures of PDFs to each other. But I was thinking about something that was years ago. I know what you mean, but yeah, these still sort of do that. If there's a machine you can send it to, then yeah, it'll turn on and probably start spitting out a piece of paper. Because I kind of remember back in the transition, I've always been an early adapter of technology,

and now I'm starting to shy away from that and want to be less technologically involved. But I was getting into that. I was like, ooh, maybe I could do it all from my phone. And I think there was a thing back then. Yeah, like scan documents and it looked like it had been faxed. Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like scanned it and then you could send it and it would show up. Like you could send it to a – I don't know. I might be making this up. It's one of the memories that's like that's not a good memory. I remember doing those kind of things.

Particularly if I'm doing a job, an acting job or something, and they say, can you fax all your stuff? And I'm like, what? How am I meant to do that? You know how you have memories that are not that good? You're like, I don't know if this is a real one. Yeah. Or you start telling a story that happened to you to the person that that story happened to.

And they go, that was my story. You go, oh, sorry. I thought that happened to me. Louis C.K. has a great bit about that. About you add a bunch of stuff to it and you tell it to the person. You're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're a liar. Did you watch Louis' new special?

It's great. Isn't it great? It's just classic old Louis. You know what he is? He's your dirty uncle at the Christmas table who's being just a little bit gross. And it's just so fun to watch. Well, you know what? He's got a certain amount of freedom now that he's been

like royally cancelled. Right. And the wonderful thing is the backdrop that has giant lit up letters that says sorry. And he comes out and is kind of like, that's his look like I'm sorry, I did it and let's just move on. Yeah. Some people

don't want to accept it. It's very strange. Yeah. The idea that you don't want to ever allow a person to apologize and come back from something. It's like, okay, well, are you without fail? Yeah. But if someone goes digging into your life. There's no one who's not going to get. No.

Especially if some people have some distorted versions of what happened with you. Like, you know, people have, like, we're talking about memories. Like, my memory of this fax thing. People have fucking, memories are shit. Like, this is a thing about memory, and, you know, I want to, Neil deGrasse Tyson is really into this

because we had a conversation about it in regards to, like, crimes. When someone is an eyewitness of a crime, he's like, that is the least reliable piece of evidence. But they don't accept it in court, right? Eyewitnesses get, listen, man, people, they arrest people all the time when they do a police lineup and it's the wrong person. It happens all the time where someone could be assaulted

and they'll look at a police lineup and be sure that this is the guy that did it to him and it's not, and that person winds up going to jail. It happens all the time. They get tried. They get convicted wrongly. You know, the problem with it is, and I've been working with Josh Dubin, who's an ambassador for the Innocence Project. There's a real problem with once the ball is in motion, like once you get arrested for a crime, and then the prosecuting attorneys and then the defense attorneys get involved and then the DA and there's a game that's going on. And the game is the prosecutors are trying to prove you guilty and your defense attorney is trying to prove you innocent. And they're trying to win. Both sides are trying to win. And when people try to win,

they withhold evidence, they hide data, they find out that there might be something that could exonerate you. I mean, that was the thing with Kamala Harris. This is something that Dubin talked about on my podcast. When she was the DA in San Francisco, she was fighting to withhold evidence that would exonerate innocent people. This is a thing they do on a regular basis. This is a real problem with the justice system. Yeah.

And when you talk with a guy like Dubin who does this work with the Innocence Project and regularly frees people. The last podcast we did, not the last one, but the time before, two people were freed that were on death row. Because of the podcast. Yeah. People that were going to fucking die on death row. They were freed. Wow. Yeah.

Because of the pressure that the podcast put on these these places where these people had been arrested what do they have to gain from that what does what does she have to gain from they try to win man they want to win as many cases as they can they don't want to lose first of all if you lose then you open yourself up to civil litigation because if someone was wrongly accused and then incarcerated for years then there's like you know lawsuits and all kinds of crazy shit but there's a lot of that going on and he has a podcast about junk science like there's a lot of science that until i talked to him i thought was rock solid like bite marks when they find like like if someone bites someone and they

say oh these are your teeth he's like hey there is someone and they say oh, these are your teeth He's like see there is no fucking way. They know if it's your teeth Yeah, right like the tearing of like teeth on on on flesh This is not like like a fingerprint like fingerprints are rock-solid like if you put a fingerprint on something You know that's why you can open up your phone I have an Android phone that I open with a fingerprint right I put my fingerprint on it, bang, it knows it's me. That's not the case with a bite mark, man. And they tried to play it off like it was.

He's like, it's not. It doesn't work that way. Do you know koalas have the same fingerprints as humans? And they get confused with them at crime scenes all the time? Like with human fingerprints and koala fingerprints. And then they go, actually, we can't tell if it was the koala or that guy, so we're just going to have to let this go, whatever they do. If you killed a koala and used his hands, just open doors and shit.

Putting it up to the thing. Put the knife in the koala hand, stab somebody with it. It was the koala. Can you imagine that? I think it's a person. Yeah. Aren't koalas cunts if they don't get their eucalyptus leaves? Yeah, but they get their eucalyptus leaves? Yeah, but they get their eucalyptus leaves.

I mean, they get what they want. But I heard if you don't feed them, they get like, they look cute. Oh, yeah. But if they're not getting their leaves, they're a fucking bear. Yeah, they're brutal. And they kind of like, but they're stoned for, you know, 23 hours of the day. They're stoned? Yeah, eucalyptus leaves have a mild sedative in them.

So they eat all these leaves and they're sitting there. And they fall out of trees all the time. Really? That's a thing that happens. They get high and fall out of trees? Yeah, they just get high and they just go, arrow, punk. That's an Australian animal.

It is. It's the only place on earth where they are. I mean, it seems like an Australian animal. You know, it gets high and falls out of trees. Yeah, like it's a bit silly. It got a little drunk at the Christmas party. Kangaroos. They're a totally Australian animal.

Completely. They don't make any sense. It's like God fucked a horse up or something and just went, oh shit, put that down there for now. And they taste good. Oh, it's great meat. It is really good. Yeah.

You could buy kangaroo in supermarkets in Australia. Like that's a very accessible meat. Well, it seems like there's a real problem with them because they don't have predators, and there's so many of them. They're like deer. I mean, there's a lot of deer in this country, I assume. And there's a lot of kangaroos. Not a lot of koalas. Around here, there's a lot of deer in Texas.

They're everywhere, man. Really? Yeah. I'm always slamming on my brakes. Are you allowed to go out and shoot them or is there a... Well, you can't shoot them in residential neighborhoods. And there's some residential neighborhoods where they actually offer archery permits for hunting because they get so bad. But I've only heard about that in... I've heard about that in Connecticut and a few other places. There

was a television show in Connecticut or Pennsylvania. I forget. But there was a television show in connecticut where or is it pennsylvania i forget but there was a television show where people were hunting deer in people's driveways like they'd set up like a blind you know like one of those like camouflage television shows i was watching on tv it was like a hunting show and they were hunting it was like suburban deer hunter or some shit like that and they were they were hunting because they have so many of them. And they are wild animals and they are delicious. And the people, they do have to kill them because they cause car accidents. Millions of dollars of damage every year are caused by people hitting deer with their cars.

Same with kangaroos. You hit a kangaroo, your car's done for. That's it. Bro, those big ones? The big ones. The big red ones, they're six foot tall. They're huge. They're fucking huge. They're jacked too. They're jacked. Jacked. Yeah, those big ones? The big ones. The big red ones, they're six foot tall. They're huge. They're fucking huge. They're jacked too.

They're jacked. Jacked. Yeah, steroids. Come on. Until the internet came around. I don't think anybody knew the kangaroos were jacked in America. We did. You guys knew. Well, I remember when I was a kid, I saw two kangaroos having a boxing fight and they were six foot and they were

punching each other in the face. But what they do is they get on their tails and they put all of their weight onto their tails and they were six foot and they were punching each other in the face. But what they do is they get on their tails and they put all of their weight onto their tails and they kick and punch. The kick will actually kill you. They can gut you, right? Completely. If you got kicked full by a big red kangaroo, you're dead. The punches, their arms are like T-Rex arms.

They're kind of funny. But the kicks, oof. Well, you've seen that video of the one that has the dog in a headlock and the guy comes over and punches the kangaroo. I've tried to see if it's set up or whether it's fake. I think it's real. I think it's real. I think it's real.

That guy got off light. He got lucky. Yeah. But I wondered why the kangaroo had the dog in a headlock. It doesn't really make any sense. It's not really a thing that a kangaroo would do. Well, they get each other in headlocks, don't they? Yeah, but not for long.

It seemed like he had him in there for a good 10 seconds of that video. He was just toying with him, like the bully at school. Like, look at you, like that. And then I was looking and seeing if he had been set up or something, like had been tied up to it to start the video or something, but he hadn't. And the guy's demeanor and the way that he kind of punched the kangaroo, it seemed very real. I'm pretty sure it's real. And the guy's demeanor and the way that he kind of punched the kangaroo, it seemed very real. I'm pretty sure it's real.

I think it's real. And it was a bitch-ass punch, too. It was kind of a slap punch, wasn't it? Well, it wasn't. Well, it was a kangaroo. You don't want to fully. He's probably not even sure what he's doing. He's like, am I going to fucking get out of here?

He's probably like half sure of what he's doing while he's doing it. He's punching a fucking wild animal. I know. When you see those pictures of the kangaroos up against some old lady's back door, just jacked like that. Like, let me in. Just staring. These old ladies like, oh, God. They're freaky big.

You know Eddie Yift? Do you know Eddie Yift? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eddie Yift, he spent some time in Australia and he told me that he had, you know, when he first went over there, he had no idea. And he was in someone's backyard and he saw a kangaroo that was just standing there and he thought it was a statue.

And he starts walking, because he's like, they're not that big. So he starts walking over to it and it's just looking at him. His friend starts screaming, get the fuck out of there! Come back! He's like, that thing will kill you. And then he realized, oh, my God, that's a real kangaroo, and it's like seven feet tall.

Oh, really? Fucking jacked. Where was he? Did he say where he was? Australia to me is Australia. Yeah. Well, there's not a six-foot kangaroo walking down the post office in Melbourne. So, you know.

Where are they? What's the area where they're most prominent? I think kangaroos are all over. But I'd say just if you go inland about 20 minutes into the bush, as we would call it. The bush. The bush. Yeah, there's the forest is what you might call it. Most of Australia is the coast.

That's where all the populated areas are. Yeah. The inner area is just death. Nothing. Death. Death and nothing. And nothing, like not even a tree. I did a bunch of comedy tours around because there's mining camps all in the middle of the country.

And I drove all around it two, three times. And you'd go for eight hours without even seeing one shrub. Really? Yeah, it's just flat. Just flat. The nullabore. And are there animals out there or is it just dirt? No, there's animals. But, you know, there's a lot of camels.

Do you know that? Camels? Tons of camels, yeah. Were they imported? I think so. You guys have a lot of imported animals, right? Yeah, I guess. Camels is the one that I know most of, and I saw a lot of them.

And they got out of control, and it was a problem and stuff. I read somewhere that we sell our camels to Saudi Arabia because we've got so many of them, which just seems ridiculous, doesn't it? Well, that's like Hawaii is the place where everybody gets the palm trees for L.A. People think that L.A.'s palm trees are from L.A. because you think of Hollywood, you think of palm trees, right? Yeah, yeah. All of them come from Hawaii.

Really? What are you – oh, there, Jamie, what's going on? Over a million feral camels in Australia floating around. The largest population- What?! The largest population of camels is in Australia? And the only herd of dromedary camels exhibiting wild behavior in the world. Do you know the largest population of tigers is in Texas?

I knew that just from, you know, the- what was that show? Texas, uh, the Tiger King. Oh, Tiger King. And then, you know, I looked into it and stuff. Yeah. There's more tigers in captivity in Texas in private collections, like people's backyards, than there are in all of the wild of the world. Oh, that seems very wrong.

It seems terrible. Like you've just got a cage in your backyard with a tiger. Tiger world. Oh, God. Not just a tiger, like multiple tigers. I went to one in Sarasota. I went to like a random, like a Tiger King style place

and I felt terrible being there. I was just like, I don't know if this is good. Yeah, I went to Thailand and I really enjoyed Thailand. Thailand was great. But there was one thing that I did not enjoy

and that was a tiger thing. They had this, Thailand has these places where tourists go and take photos with tigers. So they have these tigers on fentanyl, and these tigers are, like, whacked out on drugs, just like – Yeah, some bad shit goes on. They're barely awake, and you stand next to the tiger and take a selfie. Hey, met a tiger.

It's fucking weird because they have uh different age tigers and so when you're uh there's one area that they take you to in the beginning and this area this was around chiang mai and in this one area they have baby tigers so you go in this area and there's little tiger cubs and they're adorable yeah but they're real fast and they're moving they're like looking at you they're pouncing on the they they're like kittens. They're playing with stuff. And then you go from that to this other area. And then this other area is like a larger tiger. It's like a year old or something, maybe a little bit more.

And in that one, you've got guys with sticks, and they're keeping the tiger away from you. You can kind of sit next to them, but people are watching the tiger carefully. Isn't it funny the safety precautions in places like Thailand or Indonesia or something, and they just go, it's fine, I've got this stick, it'll be all right. Yeah, there's a zip line, and you climb up this rusty ladder.

Like, who's, are you watching? Who's testing this line? This is a piece of steel. So anyway, you go into that area, and there's guys with sticks that are kind of making sure this tiger doesn't fucking eat a kid, right? And then from there, you go to the big tigers.

And the big tigers are all fine. Because they're all drugged up. They're all like this. Like seriously. Like they can barely keep their head up. I used to work at a place in Australia on the Gold Coast called Dream World. And their thing was tigers. They had tigers there. And I would start work at a place in Australia on the Gold Coast called Dream World, and their thing was tigers. They had tigers there, and I would start work before the park opened.

It's like a Disneyland-type place, and I worked in a hot dog stand killing it, and they'd walk the tigers around the whole park in the morning, so I would see all of the tigers, like 20 of them, huge ones, getting walked on chains by their handlers through the park. But they were really well accustomed and probably grew up in captivity and were used to humans and stuff. So I could go up and pat them and stuff like that. And they weren't drugged?

They weren't drugged, no. No, no, I don't think we would get away with that in Australia. You have to be in other parts of the world to try animals. I don't know what kind of rules Thailand has, but it was really depressing. I haven't been to Thailand, but I spent a lot of time in Bali in Indonesia. Have you ever been there? No. No.

I heard it's awesome. It's exactly the same as Thailand, but it's just got surf. So I would spend more time in Bali rather than Thailand. But a lot of Australians there. I'm sure you bumped into a lot in Thailand, right? Well, there was a lot of people from all over the world there. It was a lot of just people vacationing there. Yeah, yeah.

It was pretty cool. Thailand's very interesting because people are, like, they call it the land of smiles or the land of smiling people. I forget what they say. But it's like, God, everyone is so friendly. They're really friendly people. Not just friendly to tourists, like friendly to each other. Yeah.

It seems like a happy place. Yeah. Which is kind of odd because they created like one of the best fighting styles ever. Right. Muay Thai. Yeah. Like they,

they're that style of standup fighting is one of the best standup fighting styles that's ever been created. And it's, it's wild that it, that fighting comes from this place where these people are so friendly. But was it like born in the, in the hills, like away from? Muay Thai? Yeah, or just in general in Thailand.

I don't know. I should know. Being a martial arts expert, I should probably fucking know. It was a very specific question. Exactly where in Thailand did it start? I just wonder because I know that in Bali, and I'm only saying this because I haven't been to Thailand, but they're very closely related. So things that happen in the main areas of Bali and things that happen out in

the hills in the middle is very, very different. Very different lifestyle, very different way people act and everything. Like they're all lovely people, but they're working out in the middle in the rice fields and stuff, and they don't really care about your, you know, bintang singlet that you bought on the beach. It's just a different vibe. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, a lot of those places have been so touristified, right? Yeah. I mean, Bali runs on tourism completely. Yeah, well, so does hawaii right there's a lot of places like that where it's like you know it's kind of it's strange when a lot of your economy is based on people visiting australia is like that i guess so but you have melbourne and sydney it's not those are cities like they have industry and there's a lot going on there. Yeah. But it's like when you go to a place that relies heavily on people visiting, like those people got crushed during the pandemic.

Like Hawaii got crushed. Yeah. Because, you know, they had really restrictive lockdowns, really restrictive mandates. And then on top of that, no tourism for a long time. I bet you the locals liked it. No, they did not. No?

No, they did not. I mean, I'm sure some of them liked it, but most of them, there's so much industry that relies on tourism. Like, I have a friend of mine who was a boat captain out there, and for a fucking year, man, they were hurting. There was nothing coming in. Yeah, right. You know, there's nobody there. It's just like everything was shut off. Yeah, right.

You know, there's nobody there. It's just like everything was shut off. And so it's like most people can't go. Well, they say the average American, like two weeks with no income would break them. Yeah. I mean, this got this, like the pandemic tested the shit out of everything. But in a place where tourism is important, really tested the shit out of it, which is one of the, probably one of the reasons why florida which was like the one of the most tourist heavy places in america they were like fuck it we're open yeah right plus wild people wild people wild people man that's where leonard skinner's from you know that's where the florida man's from funnily enough but um that's the one

state where you like the person a man from flor Florida doing something is like, oh, of course he's from Florida. Isn't it funny? Like, you can't say that about New Hampshire. You can't say that about South Dakota. But Florida, you're like, oh. The first week we were there, I was just watching the news, and there was an alligator chasing people around a Wendy's parking lot that was down the street from us. So we drove past to have a look. That's what was going on.

Dude, an alligator yesterday cannibalized a giant alligator, cannibalized a six foot alligator on a golf course. So they were literally watching this fucking monster eat a smaller monster on a golf course. Yeah. See if you can find that. It's wild because this thing is huge some of those monstrous ones that walk across the golf course and you just think that is from another era another life another hundred million years earth look at the size of this thing check this

out look at the size of this fucker and he's got a six foot one oh that's still alive in his mouth no he's just carrying his young in his mouth. So think about how big that thing must be if that fucking thing that he's got in his mouth is six feet long. He's got to be 15 feet long. Yeah. That is a fucking huge...

Did they say how big he is? Or she? I don't want to be sexist. You shouldn't. It could be a girl. 20 feet. 20 feet? What?

Oh my God. He's 20 feet. 20 feet? What? Oh my god. He's 20 feet long and he's feeding on a six foot alligator. It's a plane, but yeah, yeah, yeah. It's someone who lives on the golf course, I think. Grandpappy, they call him. So, video shows huge Lakeland alligator grandpappy eating smaller gator on a golf course. Holy shit, man.

What's that to stop? I mean, what's to stop you from? People don't get eaten that much by alligators, which is weird. But the alligator's not running around crazy looking for that kind of thing, don't you think? Well, they do eat people occasionally. If it wants to, it'll go. And they run pretty fast, right? But if you run diagonal, then they get confused and freak out and fall over. Well, they're not bright.

Hey, if they've lasted from the dinosaurs, they've done something. Well, they don't have to be bright. They just eat rotten meat. You know, that's one of the reasons why they lived. You know, Elon is actually the first person that said that to me as well. They're actually perfectly suited for a pandemic or for an apocalypse because everything's dead and that's what they eat. Really?

Like, whoa. Who do you think would win out of like a shark and an alligator? Or a crocodile? Oh, that's a good question. Like a great white versus that 20-footer? 20-footer shark versus 20-footer crocodile? In the water, I would think that the shark would have a big advantage. Well, you know what the crocodiles do is they do the crocodile roll,

which is they grab you by the teeth like that and then roll down and down and down and down, and then they go to the bottom and put a rock on top of you and let you die there, and then they come back and get you when you're nice and rotten for them. Yeah, that's what they're like. They're like aged meat. Yeah. Like, you know, you go to a nice steakhouse. And they've got the blue meat hanging in the window.

And you're like, yeah, I want that 200-year-old. Isn't that weird? It's so weird. It's weird, but they display it. They display that dry-aged beef. And it looks fucking gross. It looks gross. You walk in and they've just got hanging meat from the 60s.

And they're like, hey, why don't you try this? I know guys who do that with Wild Game. They do that with elk. There's these machines that with Wild Game. They do that with elk. There's these machines that you can buy. They do it with fish, too. They age fish. Really? Yeah, they dry age fish.

Apparently, it's delicious. Have you seen that bloke that eats just the raw? That's a gimmick, that guy. It just looks ridiculous. He's got a plate of hearts, and it just looks weird. He's got an ass filled with steroids is what he's got. Yeah, he should have a big plate of steroids next to it. That is not a natural body.

Of course it's not. That guy is shooting all kinds of shit into his system to achieve that kind of physique. Yeah. This is guy Derek who's been on my podcast before. He's got this YouTube page, moreplatesmoredates.com. Oh, yeah. That's his website. You know that guy?

Yeah, yeah. That's his website. You know that guy? Yeah, yeah. And More Plates, More Dates, the YouTube page, did a whole takedown of, not a takedown, an examination of this guy's claims that he's natural and that what he's, you know, is like living off the nine pillars of health and sustainability or whatever the fuck it is, like liver and testicles and drinking blood. Like, it's a gimmick. It is. testicles and drinking blood. It's a gimmick. It is. I mean, look, I don't even know if there's a benefit in eating raw meat. From what I've understood talking to experts, there's actually

a lot gained from cooking because the protein becomes more bioavailable. Like eating raw meat like that, you're not getting as much of the actual nutrients from it maybe you're getting some additional factors from the fact that you're getting like a rare piece of meat with blood and stuff like that maybe there's other things and maybe you're getting too much protein if you're eating a giant steak and it's cooked well but as far as like bioavailability they think that human beings cooking um meat is one of the things that led to our evolution, that helped our evolution along because we had more protein access. And also it kills off bad bacteria. So you could have a piece of meat like, you know, that was like on the outside.

It's kind of funky, but you cook it and you can eat it. Yeah, okay. I haven't eaten raw meat you never have have you yeah a lot steak tartare you never had steak tartare oh i have i'm lying yes i forgot my own life it's raw see it's raw steak tartare is delicious a little egg on it and they mix a little cheese in there yeah i don't know it's a bit fleshy for me i kind of eat it and i go oh i'm being you know high class but uh in my head I'm going, I'd rather it was cooked. I've had raw elk. I've had raw deer. But I don't prefer it. It tastes delicious when

you cook it and season it. That's the whole deal, man. Yeah. I haven't eaten elk. You haven't? I don't go shooting elks like you do on a Wednesday and then have a freezer full of elk. Next time you're in town, I'll have you and the lady over and we'll cook for you. Yeah, she'll love that. Yeah. She's like a vegetarian.

Well, Ian Edwards is a vegan. He promises me when he comes to my house that he'll eat elk. He goes, I'll eat it because you killed it. She'll eat elk with you because she loves you. Well, okay. I'll cook it. I'll cook it then. Maybe it'll change her life.

Well, actually, she started eating a bit of red meat and stuff because the doctor said, you know, your iron deficiency is a shit. And so she got that. She, you know, so she's introducing it back in. I don't know how people who are vegan get iron. Is there iron that you can get from certain vegetables? No, I don't know. You can take supplements, I guess, but there's iron in spinach. That's why Popeye is so strong. Oh, speaking of which, I found a YouTube video, The Real Life Popeye. Oh, my God. There's this guy who is like, I think he's like 5'8", and he weighs 250 pounds, and it's just natural. He just was born with naturally enormous hands and naturally enormous forearms. Really? When I mean enormous, I mean this guy takes, yeah, that guy.

That's the real life Popeye. Bro, I'm telling you, his fingers are so big. Look at the size of his hands and his arms. And this is natural. He's just born like this. So this guy's fingers are so big that a toilet paper roll is tight on his finger oh wow that's how big his fingers play some of this this is a real this is a real guy look at the size of his arms i mean he really is popeye but like most of

him is normal sized like look at his head is normal sized. His neck is normal sized. But his fucking hands are preposterous. I wonder if he's got a big cock. Wonder all day. His forearms measure 49 centimeters. I don't know what that is. Look at the size of his hands.

Go back to that. Look at the size of his hands arm wrestling that dude. Look at the fucking size of that guy's hands. There are literally like five of my hands. Dude, he must struggle to wipe his ass. Why? Because of his mittens. A lot of coverage.

Try and wipe your ass with a baseball glove and tell me. It's not like it's stopping his reach. Just get a finger in there. Your finger. That finger is like. Wrap it all up. Look at the size of a beer bottle in his hands. That is fucking crazy.

Look at that beer. That's crazy. And this guy, it's totally natural. He was just born. Look at that photo of the woman with her hand next to his hand down there. The one in the lower right-hand corner. Yeah, look at that. Look at the size of

his hands. I mean, it's just a genetic role. You know, some people have big noses. Some people have giant dicks. This guy has got fucking enormous hands and forearms. It's weird. Does he have medical problems? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, in the video he talks about it. He says, I don't have any aches or pains or nothing hurts. He goes, it's normal. He was just born. That's his wedding ring. Look at the size of it.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Look at the toilet paper roll on his finger. Like, what the fuck, man? And it's just, he was just born that way. I'm telling you, he's struggling to wipe his ass. I don't know why you're fixated on that. You're right. I should move on

But just but what's strange is that the other parts of him aren't proportionately large like I don't know biggest feet are but like Like look at see if it does see if it shows his feet does it show his feet And is there anything look at that phone go down and look at the flip phone in his hand you see the flip phone look at that fucking thing it looks like a toy thing how is that guy gonna fucking like you know that little box you have to click on to get rid of the ad that little tiny little x in the corner that you could barely touch yeah he's not clicking that with our fingers we could barely touch it How is that fucking guy finding that thing? He is getting that ad every time. You know how they trick you because if you do it the wrong way, you get the ad.

Look at him. He's normal sized. Everything else is normal. That's crazy. His feet look normal feet. His legs are normal legs. He's got a tiny butt. For a big guy, it's a small butt, right?

I mean, I don't want to fixate either. Yeah, we've both been focusing on his ass a little bit too much. That looks like a big foot. At least one big foot. Well, it looks like his foot has moved forward. Is that a proportion? What is going on there? I don't know.

Yeah, that looks kind of weird. That's weird. That seems like a deformity thing. Like he's got one large foot and one small foot. Is that just a perspective photo? So that's weird too. That seems like a deformity thing. Like he's got one large foot and one small foot. Is that just a perspective photo? So that's weird too. Now those shoes look the same size in that picture.

It's just his legs look weird because the rest of his body is so enormous. But apparently he's a champion arm wrestler, which is, like, not confusing. No. Makes sense. That's him compared to the biggest guy in the world. Oh, the tallest guy ever? Wow. I don't know if that Ripley's Believe It or Not or something hilarious.

I wonder if that's a real guy in there, like a skeleton. Did you know there was a Buddha statue once, and they found out that it was actually a mummified Buddha that they had covered with a statue. They did an X-ray on this thing, and inside of it is like an actual Buddha guy, like an actual yogi who was in a lotus position, that they did the statue around him. Well, that's not that weird. Well, it's weird that they didn't know it. People had the statue. They didn't know it was a dead guy inside of it.

How old was the statue? That's a good question. Because if it was, you know, I mean, there's tombs and mummies and everything all over the place. But look at the statue. I think that's unreal. That's what I want. That's crazy, right? See, like that thing.

He ain't clicking that thing. That little thing in the corner. He has to sign up to the History Channel because he's like, ah, crap. He's subscribing every time. Can you pull back up to the History Channel. That guy's subscribing. Because he's like, ah, crap. He's subscribing every time. Can you pull back up to the images again? Like, so is a monk, a mummified monk inside an ancient Buddhist statue, which is wild, man. Because I don't know what the statue's made of, but it looks like, does it look like pottery?

What does that look like? Medical examination of a thousand-year-old Buddhist statue revealed a shocking surprise hidden inside an actual person's body. So Meander Medical Center in the Dutch town of Amsterfurt. Amsterfurt, of course. Amsterfurt has plenty of experience treating senior citizens, but none as old as the 1,000-year-old patient who came, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1,000-year-old patient who came, blah, blah, blah, blah. Researchers brought a millennium-old statue of the Buddha,

which had been on loan from the Drents Museum in the Netherlands to the state-of-the-art hospital in the hopes that the modern medical technology could shed light on an ancient mystery. For hidden inside the gold-painted figure was a secret, the mummy of a Buddhist monk in a lotus position shown outside of China for the first time last year. So how do they know, though? That's what's confusing. Did they open it up? Did they ruin the whole thing and open it up?

I don't think they did, man. Just leave it in there. Oh, they sampled the material for DNA, it said. Huggelman slid an ancient artifact slowly into a high-tech imaging machine for a full-body CT scan and sampled bone material for DNA testing. Gastroenterologist? Say that word. Gastroenterologist.

And say his name now. Try that. Reunard Vermenschlattel. Vermageden. Vermagedel. Vermigden. Vermigden. Vermigden. Vermigden. Used a specially designed endoscope to extract samples from the mummy's chest and abdominal cavities.

Now it's known the tests have revealed a surprise. The monk's organs had been removed and replaced with scraps of paper printed with ancient Chinese characters and other rotted materials since has not been identified. How the organs have been taken from the mummy remains a mystery. Wow. That's cool. I wonder why they knew there was something in there, though. Like, that's not normal that you threw a fucking thing to a cat's skin.

Yeah, you go and do a CT scan of you. So, scroll up there. No, you're right there. The body inside the statue is thought to be that of the Buddhist master Liu Quan, a member of the Chinese meditation school who died around A.D. 1100. How did Liu Quan's body end up inside ancient Chinese statue? One possibility explored by the Drentz Museum is the gruesome process of self-mummification in which monks hope to transform themselves

into revered living Buddhas. Oh. Whoa. He put himself in there. The practice of self-mummification amongst Buddhist monks was most common in Japan but occurred elsewhere in Asia, including China, as described in Ken Jeremiah's book, Living Buddhas.

Monks interested in self-mummification spent upwards of a decade following a special diet that gradually starved their bodies and enhanced their chances of preservation. Holy shit. They eschewed any food. I never know how to say that word because I only read it. How do you say that word? Eschewed?

Eschewed. That's a word that I've never said. Eschewed. I'm 54. I've never even seen that word. I've seen that word, but I've only read it. I've never actually said it out loud. Any food made from rice, wheat, and soybeans, and instead ate nuts, berries, tree bark, and pine needles in slowly diminishing quantities to reduce body fat and moisture, which can cause corpse to decay. Whoa. They also ate herbs.

What is that word? Sci-sad? Chi-sad? Sci-sad nuts? And sesame seeds to inhibit bacterial growth. Holy fuck. They drank a poisonous tree sap that was used to make lacquer so that the toxicity would repel insects and pervade the body as an embalming fluid.

Pervade? Wow. Shit, they went on a 10-year diet to kill themselves. What the fuck? And turn themselves in. But you know, that was a thing with the Buddha. Like there's images of the Buddha, like the original Buddha that was like he was starved to death. Have you ever seen those?

No. They made statues of the Buddha where he was like basically a skeleton. They're weird statues. And that was, I guess, a part of that process. See if you can find any of those skeleton-like Buddha statues. How would you say it? Starved Buddha statues. But that was like a thing that they would make these images of the Buddha in this state

where he was apparently probably going through that thing. Like, yeah, those. Oh, shit. What the fuck? That looks like something out of Indiana Jones. It's scary. Go to that Quora thing. What does the emaciated body of the Buddha statue represent?

They're not really good. Not good answers? Sometimes though well let's see it represents the six-year period of renunciation that the buddha practiced from age 20 to 36 approximately 446 to 440 bc based on traditional indian especially uh Saramana belief in self-mortification. Before he realized the futility of extreme asceticism and renounced it as well when he was on the verge of dying. So he wised up. So the Buddha did the same thing those monks did. And he was like, what the fuck am I doing?

He stopped. He stopped. What the fuck am I doing? He stopped. He stopped. What the fuck am I doing? I'm going to renounce this. But look, he had gotten to the point of basically almost death. So that practice, since, okay, so that's 446 B.C. So that statue was older than that. So the statue was 1,000 years old, right?

It was 1,000 B.C., wasn't it? No. No, it was 1,000 years from now. 1,000 A.D. Right BC, wasn't it? No. No, no, it was a thousand years from now. A thousand AD. Right. So this was pre that. So that guy was probably, he didn't get the full wire

that the Buddha bailed on. He didn't get the facts. Yeah, he didn't get the full details. So he decided, well, the Buddha was a pussy. Yeah. And he quit. And he did what the Buddha couldn't do.

I'm not a fucking quitter. I want to be a statue, bitch. You'd be better than the Buddha. But that's, the whole Buddhist monk thing is an odd practice anyway, right? Because I'm a a fucking quitter. I want to be a statue bitch. I want to be better than the Buddha. But that's, the whole Buddhist monk thing is an odd practice anyway, right? Because I'm a dumbass, can you just explain? There's more than one Buddha, right? Or has been?

Well, there's the Buddha who is like thought to be the root. Look at that image of him. Whoa. Look at his guts. So I was wondering if he was like holding something or what that is. I think that just represented his hands, man. That's his hips, buddy. Oof.

That's no stomach at all. It's his organs that shrunk up. Yeah. I think he's got too many ribs, though. These bitches need to take an anatomy lesson. Does he have too many ribs? How many ribs do you have? Do you even know how many ribs?

Maybe some of it's muscle. 26. I made that up completely. Because there's muscle up there. But they look different than the other one to the left. That one looks more realistic. Like that one there, the tan looking one. Yeah, that looks more realistic.

See, that looks like real ribs. Look at these sunken eyes. So look at the ribs on that one, and then look at the ribs on that gray one right there. That gray one looks fake as fuck. It's too many ribs. How many ribs do you think you have? I don't know how many ribs you have.

I'm going 26. 26. You mean both sides? No, all up going 26. 26. You mean both sides? No, all up, 26. I might be thinking of teeth. I might be confused. I don't know how many teeth you have either. But if you think of how many ribs you have on each side, let me guess, without touching my own ribs.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I might have gone a bit too many. I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to say 22. I'm going to say 11 on each side. 12. 12 on each side? Is it 12?

12 pairs. 24. You're pretty close. We were right in the middle. You said 22? Yeah. But look at his, though. Look at that one weird one that we just saw.

That fucking guy had like 50. How many has he got? He's got a shit ton. Look at that nice muscle he's got going on. You like that? Look at that nice muscle he's got going on there. Bro, that's skin. Yeah.

That guy probably- That's tendon. That guy can't curl a fucking jar of white out. That guy didn't lift. He don't lift. You lift, bro? You lift, bro? How many has he got there?

He's got too many. Count them. He looks like Predator. He's got too many. That's too many. Count them. He looks like Predator. He's got too many. They put nipples on him, though, too. Yeah. It's like the Batman suit. How many has he got?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. Yeah, he's got too many ribs. They didn't know what the fuck they were doing. It's all fake. Fake news. Fake news. This is bullshit. Fake news, bro's a that whole

buddhist monk thing the suffering thing is a strange thing i have i had a friend who became a monk yeah yeah he became a monk while i knew him he was a friend of mine from taekwondo his name was joe and uh we used to train together and he just decided at one point in time that he wanted to go to this Buddhism, this Buddhist temple, to learn Buddhism. He wanted to get control over his mind because he got very nervous during sparring and got very nervous when it came time for training and competing. He competed a few times too. He would just like lose his shit. And he was like, maybe meditation would help me get through this. So he started meditating and taking these Buddhist practices

and doing this time at the temple. And then switched to a strict vegetarian diet and then completely quit doing Taekwondo and just became a monk. And we used to go visit him. And we used to go visit Joe the monk. Where? Did he live at a monastery? Yeah, he lived in a monastery.

He swept up at a temple. It was very odd because I knew him before that and, you know, he was a guy that we would train with. Yeah, right. And then over time he became a monk. And, you know, he... Silent? No, no, he would talk, and he would laugh and joke around with you and stuff.

But, like, he would only eat vegetables, and he would never speak badly about anyone or anything. It was really interesting. Did he seem happy? Happy is a weird thing. Like, what is happy? Did he seem content? He didn't have a mate. He didn't have a wife or a is happy? Like, he didn't have a mate.

He didn't have a wife or a boyfriend. Or, you know, he didn't have, there was no one in his life that, you know, it seemed like it was just him and meditation and silence. And he would, like, he had a koan. You know, like, there's a thing you're supposed to meditate on. I think that's what a koan is. And, like, his was the sound of, like, it like one of those, the sound of one hand clapping thing. Oh, yeah, right.

I don't think that was it, but it was that kind of thing. A tree falling in the woods. Yeah. No one's around. Well, you're supposed to think about it like constantly, even though it doesn't necessarily make sense. And the idea is like that through that, you somehow or another achieve enlightenment by focusing on this one thing over and over and over and over again i mean what when maybe that's like some sort of a brain hack but i remember i was a kid at the time when he did this i was uh probably 16 something like that it was 15 when i knew him and then maybe like 16 17 when

he when he became a monk and we would go visit him it was very it was very strange we go to eat with him you have to eat vegetables would he come out and go into the wherever you were yeah he was like to go and go and have yeah thanks this was in Boston he would know he wouldn't have drinks no way he just drank water and tea and he was he was different man like he he was all in like he had decided that that was his life and you know he was subscribing to all of their belief systems and their practices and did you and your friends ever at any stage think we got to get him out of there like maybe he's being brainwashed or something or no i mean he was older than us

you know it's like we we weren't in a position to tell him what to do. Right. Because we were all, all of us were like around the same age. I was the youngest guy, but only by like a year or two. And I think Joe was like 30-ish. So we were like teens, early 20s, and this guy was in his 30s.

And he was hanging around a bunch of teenagers? Well, he was training with us. Oh, okay. He wasn't hanging training with us. Oh, okay. He wasn't hanging out with us. I'll take it back. We were all training at the same taekwondo school, and he just decided that that was his life. And he seemed content, I'll say that.

It didn't seem, like happy is like you're around someone, they got a big smile on their face, they love what they do. Like happy is you catch a big fish. That's happy. Whoa, look at that. He wasn't that, but he seemed like he was on this path, and this path provided him some sort of clarity or some peace in his life that he seemed was worth sacrificing all. Like, he didn't have sex.

He was done. And we were joking around with him about that. Like, like that's it forever. No more sex. Did he jack off? No, no masturbation.

Bullshit. I know. That's what I say. Fucking liar. Maybe he fucked a pillow. Maybe, you know, maybe he's in a trance.

You know how monks fuck pillows, you know? Yeah. Pretended. I don't know what he did, you know, but he was the first guy that I ever met that sort of like left society. And I remember he stayed at this temple that we knew where the temple was. We'd go see him there. I've known people that have done that, kind of left society, but not that deep.

Like they've gone to a remote island in Indonesia and they just surf and, you know. I've heard of that before yeah i know people that have sort of like dropped out and you know live in a small town live in a log cabin and shit and i've thought about it i think it'd be good i'd get too frustrated i think there's something to that there's something to like being in the woods and there's something to just being alone the woods and there's something to just being alone with nature have you ever seen that Werner Herzog documentary happy people no it's a year in the taiga it's the taiga's oh I know what you're talking about I haven't seen it in Siberia and one of the things that these

guys look forward to is the wintertime when they become trappers and they go to the this these cabins that they have in the woods and they love it that they're alone. And it's just them and their dogs and they're just alone in the woods and they really look forward to it. They really look forward to that stillness of nature and being out there. I like my alone time from time to time. Do you get any alone time in your life anymore? Probably not. Yeah, I get alone time. Yeah, I do.

If I'm working on the road, it's a full weekend of, you know, I'm in the hotel room, I'm in the airport by myself. I usually just, I like sitting there sometimes and listening to some music and just watching people and seeing how they move around and interact and stuff, and it's interesting. Do you get material from that, you think? Sometimes, but more so it just kind of relaxes me a little bit. It sounds stupid, but if I go into a shopping center or something

and sit in the food court and just put music on and just kind of watch people, it kind of makes me happy with humanity because people are smiling and happy and, you know, enjoying each other's company and stuff. And it's kind of nice sometimes. Yeah. It's good to people watch. It's good to be an observer, right? Yeah. That's one thing I can't really be anymore. It's hard to be an observer.

No, you can't. You become the observed. Yeah. You'd have to put on a full disguise. But that was one nice thing about the pandemic. You could wear a mask oh yeah and just fucking sneak around you can't hide behind a mask you've got too much it's you yeah you're a tattoo now there's no there's no escaping your image uh i was uh hanging out with uh robert pattinson a couple days ago and we were having the same conversation yeah i was hanging out with batman Was he a legend? Name drop. He's a great guy. Really nice guy. I really enjoyed his company. I met him once actually. I forgot. I worked on the Harry Potter film. I was living in England

and I was working for the company that built all the sets. This was when I was young. And he was young too on the film and he was nervous. And I was standing there making sure the sets didn't fall down and they were filming and he stood right next to me and he Went hello. How are you? Hey, oh yeah, and then Daniel Radcliffe came up actually the three of us were like having a chat It's fun when you meet someone that's that famous and the movie star and they're just a fucking dude just a normal guy He's a normal guy like he's he's genuine like i had a long conversation when we got drunk you know we had a good time yeah we hung out for hours he's fucking super normal have you seen the

movie the batman have not heard it's awesome unbelievable really oh my god everything about it i loved it maybe it was because i hadn't been to the movies in two years and i just went i'm at that movies but um i was i couldn't stop thinking about it. They used this soundtrack. I don't want to give away too much, but I think I can say this without ruining it for you. So the director, I watched a thing on it. He was writing the script and listening to a lot of Nirvana at the time.

And he thought, that's interesting. Bruce Wayne Batman is kind of like Kurt Cobain because he's massively famous, but he doesn't really want to be, and he wants to be this other person. And he's battling with two sides of himself, Kurt Cobain was. And so is Batman and Bruce Wayne. And so he brought that into the movie. They use the Nirvana song that I've completely forgotten right now.

But they did it so well and brought that into the character of Batman. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Robert Pattinson is the best Batman. Really? And that's saying a lot. Really? Because for me, it was Michael Keaton. What? But that was the one when I was a kid.

That was the first one that I saw. Christian Bale by a mile, son. Come on, that voice. Give me that head. I'm Batman. I'm Batman. What's the best part about it? No.

I like the fake voice. No. I'm Batman. I's the best part about it? No. I like the fake voice. No. I'm Batman. I don't know why it was silly. Because if he talked like normal, he'd be like, hey, Christian, what are you doing, man? What's with the fucking getup? It seems like you have to have a fake voice to be Batman. Well, he's British, too, isn't he?

Yes. Is he Australian? No, he's British. I'd know if he was Australian. He's definitely British. Oh, you would know all the Australian guys? All the big guys? There's only three. Is Gerard Butler, is he Australian? No, he's British. I'd know if he was Australian. He's definitely British. Oh, you would know all the Australian guys? All the big guys? There's only three.

Is Gerard Butler, is he Australian? No, he's Scottish, I think. Oh, right, right, right. But no, there's Hugh Jackman and Chris Hemsworth

and that's it. The crazy guy. No, the other guy. Jim Jefferies. No. Isn't that... Who else? Isn't the fucking guy

from Gladiator? Oh, Russell Crowe Isn't he? He was born in New Zealand Grew up in Australia Spent most of his life in America I like Russell Crowe But a lot of Australians will go

Nah, he's a Kiwi He's a New Zealander A lot of New Zealanders will claim him And then a lot of them will say Nah, he's Australian If he's throwing phones at people and stuff You change your attitude But I like him a lot i think he's great and uh i consider him australian sure he's an interesting guy right because he just said fucking i'm getting

fat yeah and he didn't even do it for a role he just goes he just got fat i think he was always a fat guy who probably had to work out and and keep very trimmed to be gladiator and stuff and then he's just one day gone. Fuck this. I don't know about that because there's no evidence that he was a fat guy. But he suits a fat guy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jamie, he's been fat for a decade plus.

If he's working his way up to being enormous. Yeah. He looks okay there. No, he looks great there. What is that? What's that for? Noah. Noah. Oh, is that a new movie?

Glad he had it back. Maybe it already came out. Why do I feel like Noah already came out? Maybe Google that. Yeah, Google that. I think I've seen Noah. Because if that's the case, he got really slim for that. Yeah, it's a fucking movie that's already out, bro.

Maybe. I think it's out. 2014. Oh, Jesus. Oh, really? Wow. So he got real thin in 2014. He's like, fuck it.

He just did that, and then he goes, hey, I'm going back. Yeah, that's right. I think Noah was panned. I think critics are like, get the fuck out of here. He seems like a guy and this is just a guess that the whole fame thing and the stardom thing

was just too many RPMs and he just fucking blew a gasket I think he was probably potential gas pit bull before that as well I think he's just a a high octane sort of

you know powerful dude he's intense as fuck I mean for you to be that guy are you not entertained yeah He's just a high-octane sort of powerful dude. He's intense as fuck. I mean, for you to be that guy. Are you not entertained? Yeah. For you to be that guy? Like, I believed him.

Look at him right there. Is that a soccer game? Yeah, I don't know. Where's he at? He's like, what the fuck did you do with the ball? Bring the ball back. He's at the Rabbitohs. It's rugby. He owns a rugby team

Oh does he? Yeah Oh that's dope It's a rugby league team That's a good baller move On a rugby team Yeah and it's a Cool team too

It's like I don't want to say this Because it's not the right term And people will probably yell at me But it's like a hipster team They're like They're a cool team The Rabbitohs

A hipster team That's not good No Hipster's not good You shouldn't say hipster Oh really? I thought hipster wasn't that bad. Is it?

No, hipsters are posers. I thought hipsters were like kind of cool down to earth people. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Maybe in the 70s. Oh. They were hippies. No, they were hip people too.

There was hippies and then there was people that were hip. Like Lenny Bruce was hip. You're right. He was hip, man. He was hip. Well, I like Lenny Bruce. I do too. I love Lenny Bruce.

Have you been watching Marvelous Miss Maisel? I watched season one. Season two lost me. Well, the last season came out, and it's really good. There's more Lenny Bruce in it. That's why I like it. Yeah, I heard that. I saw a clip on one.

He does a very good job, whoever that actor is. Oh, the guy's great. He's great. Yeah, there was a certain amount of it was like, the odds of her being that good that quick are like- That's what blows it for me. I could see her getting drunk and going up there and saying hilarious shit in a bar one night, which she did one time. Once, yeah.

Yeah. Anyone can do that. But, like, consistently crushing the way she did. Yeah. It's like... Also, it's not a true representation of a struggling comedian because she's got money and a family and cooking dinner and then going out to a show in her nice dress and stuff. That's not how. And where are your kids

bitch? Yeah, the kids just go for three days and no one says anything. I've been on the road. Oh, hello kids. The lady's great though. What's her name? The woman who plays Maisel? Mrs. Maisel? I buy her I buy her as a comedian.

I think she's got great delivery. Isn't that funny as a comedian when you see actors try and play comedians and they're just doing it wrong and you're like, oh, that's not at all it. Like, get out of here. Like, Punchline? Like, get the fuck out of here. Punchline was no good. Who did it good?

Didn't Robert De Niro do one? And I don't know if it was good. I'm just asking yeah i think he did one in a talk show host but he did a crazy person oh no no no he did an older guy yeah it was a comedian yeah i thought it was called the comedian or something wasn't it well he did one where he played a crazy talk show host or a guy who was like a wannabe like he had like a cable access show or something like that. Oh. The King of Comedy. Yeah.

Oh, there you go. That's the crazy one. And that one, he was a real nut. And then there was another one that he did, I think later, where he played a comedian. I think that was like older in his life. He played a comedian. The comedian. Yeah.

That's it right down there. See that? Lower right-hand side with the girl. Yeah played a comedian. The comedian. Yeah, that's it right down there. See that? Lower right-hand side with the girl. Yeah. So that's the comedian. Yeah. I did not see that. No, neither did I.

But I just assume Robert De Niro does good work. Yeah, he would be able to figure it out. So that was 2016. Interesting. What was the punchline one? Was that Sally Field? That was in the 80s. Tom Hanks?

Yeah, Sally Field and Tom Hanks. Because I remember watching that when I was an open miker. That was in 88, believe really I think it actually before I ever did stand up because I remember Barry Sobel was in that too and Barry Sobel who's an actual real comedian like I saw him in the movie and I'm like well that guy looks like a comic right and then you see Sally Fields killing and you're like why is she killing with that material like that is not that good they kind of are like a news presenter trying to be a comedian. They're doing an acting version of it.

It's interesting to watch. Well, also, you're going to have to get a comic to write the material, right? Yeah. And comics are not going to give you the real material. They're not going to give you great shit because that's theirs. They need that. For a movie, if you're getting paid good money. How much are you getting paid?

If they're giving you millions, but they're not giving you millions. No, they're not. They're giving you a writer's salary. Yeah. And a writer's salary, if you're sitting there

writing for her and you're like, well, this one's too good. I'm going to fucking put that one aside. But there's a lot of good comedic writers that aren't stand-ups.

So they're not going to go use the material for themselves. Yes, but are they writing monologues? Like, are they good? I guess there probably is. Guys who was I would say like the old Daily Show right here's a good example like Jon Stewart's a great comic and Jon Stewart had great monologues on The Daily Show yeah when he was the host of

The Daily Show yeah really funny but Jon Stewart is a great comic himself so when if he had writers they're probably helping him with premises and yeah and then he's just molding the material himself he knows right you know like if someone brought you some shit and you looked at it like guys i can't fucking say but even if it's not in my voice i'd have to put it in my voice otherwise it would sound ridiculous i couldn't go and do your material which everyone knows would work in your voice. But if I went and tried to do it, the cadence isn't right. My voice is different.

My opinions and the way that I – even my experience and everything are different. So it's going to sound contrived like I'm – it's someone else's shit. But if you're like a Jon Stewart, they know your voice. That's it. So I bet they can help write to that voice. And also, he hosted that show for so long that I'm sure he has a bunch of people that knew him before they even were on the show. They knew the show, so when they were writing for him. If you had to write for certain comedians, like Don L. Rawlings, you could write for his voice. You know his voice, son.

I'd like to write for Bill Burr. Just a couple of Bill Burr jokes. That would be funny to have a comedy club where you go up and do like I would do jokes in Bill Burr's voice or something like that. Just for fun because it would be so great. I could be an angry old man.

He's going to come after you now. An angry beautiful lady. He's my favorite, Bill Burr. He's the best. I think He's my favorite Phil Bennett He's the best I think he's my number one He's great He's always got a great take

And you know He's one of the rare guys That are out there That are still swinging At fucking home run fastballs Yeah Like he's cracking it out of the park He's not like softballing it

Remember when he did Saturday Night Live It was just incredible People were so mad Good All the dorks Bracking it out of the park. He's not softballing it. Remember when he did Saturday Night Live? It was just incredible. People were so mad. Good. All the dorks. And they are fucking dorks. If you're mad at that monologue, you're a fucking dork. I couldn't believe what he said.

He said everything that he should have. Saturday Night Live used to be so wild, and now it's so woke. It's so weird. I don't have anything to compare to it. I don't even know the heyday. The heyday with Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi. It was wild.

John Belushi and who was the woman that he would call Jane, you ignorant slut? I would say that to her. It was a line. You could never get away with that to me. Riddner, Alga. I'm saying the name wrong. Gilda Radner? No, it wasn't her, though.

It wasn't Jane Curtin. That's right, Jane Curtin. Yeah, Jane, you ignorant slut. Oh, my God. It was like when Belushi would come on. I watched Ghostbusters the other day with Dan Aykroyd. He's so great. Oh, he's the best.

He was amazing. Yeah. The fucking original Blues Brothers is an amazing film. Yeah. The fucking original Blues Brothers is an amazing film. Yeah. I was watching two dorks take apart the Blues Brothers and claim it wasn't funny. And they were mocking this scene where it was a YouTube video. Don't pull it up, whatever you do. They were mocking the scene where they destroy these cars.

They were making fun of it. It's like, first of all, you're talking about a movie from the 1970s. You must look at old films in the context of the time in which they were created. You have to. There was a different world. I don't know who was president back then. Was it Nixon or Carter? Whoever the fuck it was.

Gerald Ford? The world was a different place. There was no internet. Everything was different. The amount of information that. There was no internet. There was like everything was different. The amount of information that people had was radically reduced. And it was the culture was shifting in this very strange way. I mean, it had gone from the 50s to the 60s, this radical evolution of culture.

And then the 70s with a strange time where things were still in like a state of flux and the 80s was nuts. I mean, the 70s was like disco was happening and like it was a different world. Yeah. Different world. Like to look at that through the context of today and to say it sucks. Like, look, you could say that about Lenny Bruce, who we both think is amazing. Lenny Bruce is the reason why you and I can do comedy today. He is the first guy to step through the door.

And Pryor. No, Pryor came afterwards, and Pryor took what Lenny Bruce was doing and made it even better. What Pryor, I'm not saying like the premises. I'm not saying like that. I'm saying style of honest comedy. Right. Before that, it was just like lounge acts going, hey, my wife did this. That was the 50s. In the 50s, that was a lot of guys in the Catskills.

They would do the Poconos and they would do these places where they would resorts and they would do like, that was like the scene in Mrs. Maisel when she does that and her father sees her and her father's upset. She's making fun of him and making fun of sex. That was what

comedy back then was a bunch of jokes. And they would tell joke jokes. And they would all steal from each other, too. Yeah. All those guys had, like, they would all, like, borrow each other's- Do each other's acts and stuff. Yeah.

I mean, it's like, there was jokes that kind of, like, guys had, like, tools. Like, you know, a crescent wrench wasn't just the Monty Franklin crescent wrench. Right. Like, Jamie could use a crescent wrench, too. And that's how they kind of did it. Just a bunch of carless mentees. And then not quite, you know, because he kind of lied about it. But then when Lenny came along, Lenny offered this sensibility that was different.

And I think Lenny, you know, he did a lot of drugs, and he was a wilder guy, and it was a different time. And he was like, dig, man. Like, you know, everything was like a different time and he was like dig man like you know everything was like a different time and 1960s yeah like his style of comedy but if you listen to it today it's hard to like contextualize it because you and it doesn't hold up not really he's got some lines that hold up one line was really good He's like, homosexuality is illegal. So what do they do? They take you and they lock you in jail with a bunch of men who want to have sex with you, which is a great line. Back then, that would have been a monster line, too. People would have just lost their

minds. Oh, my God. Back in the 1960s, I mean, that shit was groundbreaking. Did he get massive success and money and everything, or did he not get those sort of accolades until later? He had quite a lot of success. But he also had, I mean, that was one of the things in Maisel that I saw recently. There was a scene where he was upset that she was happy that she got arrested. And he's like, do you understand that I don't want to get arrested.

I want to entertain people. Now, this is also, they're putting words into Lenny's mouth that I don't know if he ever really said. Right, right, right. You know, that's a real problem. Whenever they do those biopics of Lincoln, like, bitch, you were not there when Lincoln was talking. If you want to do the Gettysburg Address, that's one thing. But if you want to do some other stuff where you're making up Lincoln talking to his kids or talking to his mom, like, you don't know if he said that. This is stuff where you're making up Lincoln talking to his kids or talking to his mom,

you don't know if he said that. This is fake. You're making things up. Like the Bruce Lee thing from Quentin Tarantino's movie? Quentin Tarantino's thing. That was even worse. Yeah. Because that was like Bruce Lee being an asshole. Yeah.

He was a bit of a dick in that. Yeah, he was. And I love Quentin. He's my favorite director of all time. When I had him on, I was talking to him about that. And he was very adamant that there's evidence that Bruce Lee was arrogant. I'm like, confident? Yes.

But arrogant like that? Yeah, it was a bit dickish. Sorry, but Quentin Tarantino, one of his favorite directors, was my uncle. And Quentin wrote the obituary for my uncle to read out at his funeral. Oh, shit. Who's your uncle? My uncle's Richard Franklin. He did, his big movies were The Blue Lagoon.

Remember that? Oh, yeah, with Brooke Shields? Brooke Shields, yeah. And that other dude. Naked Kids. I don't know. Oh, that's right. They were kids.

Yeah, it was kind of weird. Now that you think about it. It was kind of weird. That's another movie, The Context of the Times. Oh, man. If you try to do a movie today about kids fucking on an island. I think they were cousins, yeah. People would be like, what?

I think they were cousins, like 13-year-old cousins. Were they cousins? That had sex and had a kid on the island. The line says, seven-year-old cousins. Seven? It says it in the line. Seven? Survive a shipwreck and find themselves.

I take it back. A beautiful island in the Pacific Ocean. What? There were seven? That's what the... I'm telling... It's just... Hey.

Was that movie illegal? Can you even watch it? I don't think they started fucking until they were a bit older. Whoa. Seven-year-old cousins, Emmeline, Elva Josephson,

and Richard Glenn Cohan survive a shipwreck and find themselves marooned on a beautiful island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Wait a minute. I know. That's... I'm just saying.

July 1980. Wow. But shouldn't that be Brooke Shields right there? Not that. Yeah. Emmeline Elva Josephson. What does that mean? I think that's maybe her full name, like her character's name.

Oh, right. Oh, the little, okay. Yeah, that's the seven-year-old. It was Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins. I haven't seen the movie. But why does it say, and Richard Glenn Cohan? What does that mean? Those are the two seven-year-olds, and then later in the movie they become 15.

Oh, so they live together. They're cousins. That's a creepy movie. It's a creepy movie. It got an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, my God. It got an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, my God. It got an 8%. 8%.

I don't know if you can trust Rotten Tomatoes. They gave Chappelle's special a 4%. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Critics did. Yeah, that's 4.4 from people. These woke dipshits. 4.4%? No, 4.4 out of 5 stars from the audience.

Yeah, the audience gave it a great review. That's the thing, though, man. Other than that bullshit. They're trapped because it's a difference between your actual opinion and the opinion that you want to project because you want to be a part of a clan. You want to be a part of an ideology. You want to be a part of a woke group of super progressive people who don't stand for intolerance. And you didn't even listen to it then. You didn't even listen to it because the guy is taking a giant chance exploring a very dangerous topic with love and consideration.

He's talking about a friend of his that committed suicide who defended him, who he literally had open for him on stage. That's a giant chunk of the material. I watched Dave work that out. And anybody that says that is transphobic you are trying to make it transphobic it's not it's not at all it's like you can't you know but that's the world we're living in man we're living in the world where there's so many fucking opinions there's there's so many opinions and then there's there's there's these ideologies and people lock into these ideologies and they don't allow any deviation yeah they're

as rigid as a religion these like being woke is as rigid as a religion as is being like ultra conservative that is as rigid as a religion like there are things that they they will not let you deviate from they will not be compassionate or considerate of you know possibilities that might exist outside of this doctrine that they've subscribed to. They're a fucking rigid man. They might as well be Mormons. They might as well be whatever the fuck it is.

They're boring. Pick a cult. Well, it's not, you know, it's kind of exciting because they fucking hate on everything. It makes everything else exciting. They get all fired up about things. They get angry. Yeah, it's like the problem is it shapes culture.

And the problem is they get – it's not just that these are ideologies. They're ideologies that are attached to tech companies. And they get involved in the censorship with social media platforms. Yeah. So like the Babylon Bee just got their account suspended on Twitter because they said that Rachel Levine is the man of the year. Rachel Levine is the guy, well, was a guy, excuse me, became a woman, and then became the first female, like, multi-starred admiral in the, let's see, I don't want to fuck this up. In the army? No.

Here it is is right there. Twitter suspends Babylon Bee for naming Rachel Levine Man of the Year. So Rachel Levine is transgender and, okay, transgender Biden administration official. The Babylon Bee story was a reaction to USA Today's naming of Levine, who is the U.S. Assistant Secretary for Health and for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services as one of its Women of the Year last week. So they called him the Man of the Year. Twitter says that it restored the account, which has more than 1.3 million followers, if the bee deletes the tweet.

But the CEO, Seth Dillon, said he has no intention of doing so. He says, we are not deleting anything. deletes the tweet. But the CEO, Seth Dillon, said he has no intention of doing so. He says, we are not deleting anything. He tweeted from his personal account, truth is not hate speech. If the cost of telling the truth is the loss of our Twitter account, then so be it. Well, I can understand if he said that that is not a woman, that is a biological man. That's the truth. But when you say that he's the man of the year, that's not truth. That's a joke.

So it's not truth. It's a joke, right? Yeah. But I don't think that joke is hate speech either. I think it's a joke. I think if we're going to be really inclusive, meaning you're going to accept people across the board for whoever they are, whatever they do matter what which I think we should you should be able to joke about things too and if you can't joke that someone used to be a man

if you're not even allowed to talk about it anymore now it's forbidden and you get in trouble for even questioning it that seems kind of crazy it seems kind of crazy when someone like really looks like a man and you can't even say that anymore like you're not allowed to bring it up like okay this swimmer this It seems kind of crazy when someone really looks like a man and you can't even say that anymore. You're not allowed to bring it up. Like, okay, this swimmer from Penn State that's dominating and crushing records and just won the NCAA, just won, number one.

Was number 400-something as a male, was swimming as a male a fucking year ago, becomes a woman, and now is number one. If you can't joke about that you can't say well did she go the full chop no well that's well here's the other thing i'm sorry that's it's there's an issue there right but what is going on like you know first of all you have like you've gone through your entire puberty you've gone through years and years of your body producing testosterone which strengthens your tendons your ligaments your joints

your muscles and all the lung capacity heart size there's a lot of variables that are in favor of someone who goes through puberty and then transitions to a woman when it comes to athletic events there's a lot and again that Derek more plates more dates guy he has a great discussion of that where he goes in depth. And Derek is brilliant. And he really understands this from a scientific perspective and breaks it down scientifically, the benefits of going through puberty. So all these women that had to compete against Leah, they all stood together on a podium. The second, third, and fourth girls all stood together like in unity

and then leah was over there so she's in the number one position and there they all stood together in the number three position and then the audience cheered for them and stuff it's like so it's it's fucked it's fucking ridiculous because look i'm not saying you can't identify as a woman be called a, be treated as a woman. I'm all for that. But when it comes to sports, when you're talking about physical performance, there's a reason why we have male categories and female categories. And when it's demonstrated that someone who is very recently a male has a significant advantage over the opponents to the point where they're breaking records. Yeah.

Maybe that's not fair. It's completely not fair. Maybe. And it's not fair to all of us. Maybe you should be able to talk about that. Maybe you should. Maybe we should bring it up, address it. Maybe.

When she's leading them by a hopeful lap. Here's another point. Maybe that's causing more harm to the transgender cause than it is good. Yeah. Because you're forcing this into society in a way that's going to make people resentful. Yeah, completely. And then there's some people that should be treated with dignity and respect, that transition. They're now going to be considered in the same way that this person is considered, where they think of her as a cheater.

They think of her as like cheating against these other biological females. Yeah. And until there's enough trans women where you can have a trans league, which, you know, would be interesting. Yeah. Like that would be like a category. I don't think there's enough now to warrant that, but that's part of the problem. Has there been one case of it going the other way?

No, not successfully. Right. There's no problem in certain sports like archery. Right. There's no physical advantage. No physical advantage. No, no physical advantage. You know, it's interesting, man. Even in pool, you know, I play pool. I'm a pool enthusiast. Do you want to talk about the time I beat you? Is that it? I play pool. I'm a pool enthusiast. Do you want to talk about the time I beat you? Is that it?

You did beat me once. But even when you play pool, women don't do as well as men. Like women don't win major competitions. This is what's strange. Like in pool, they have women's competitions, which are women's only competitions. Then they have open competitions where women can compete against men. They do not have male-only competitions. But women, when they compete against men, they'll win a match or two. But there's not one woman player who has ever risen to the level of world champion in an open tournament.

Okay. I'm just going to go out on a limb. Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that there's not as many women to compete against and stuff like that? And I find this in comedy that the women have to give up a lot. I'm talking about having kids and stuff in order to still have a progressive career and stuff. So maybe in that same pool context, there was a lot that were good, but they're like, I want to have kids. I want to have a family. I'm going to choose that instead.

And so there's not as many that can break through and be elite. Very possible. Very possible. But like in PGA and a lot of other things, there's quite a few of them that never have children. And maybe some of them are even lesbians. And so they are not much different than a male who has a wife. And if they don't have children, they don't adopt children, they don't have children, if they don't adopt children, they don't have additional responsibilities that might take them away from the game. I think there's an issue with testosterone, and I think the way they describe it is, first of all, there's women that are way better than me, that's for sure. There's women that are capable of beating men on any given day.

There's women pool players that win all the time when they compete against men. They just never win the whole thing. I mean, there's only one woman that I know of that was so elite that she was capable of beating almost any man on any given day. And that's this woman named Jean Belukas. And that was in, Iukas and that was in I want to say that was in the late 70s early 80s and she's known as like in in the pool world people think of Jean Belukas the same way they think of like say Muhammad Ali or something like that in terms of like like a female version

of like a truly exceptional player okay Okay. Like someone who just stands out. Like she was so good. Is she considered the GOAT? She's probably like, no, there's a woman named Alison Fisher who's like elite as well, who plays for England. She's from England, rather, who's elite, who's capable of beating. And then there's another one, Jasmine Ocean. She's very elite, too, and she beats men on a regular basis.

But they just don't win the whole thing. Like, they never win the U.S. Open. They don't win the world championships. They compete in a lot of these tournaments. But that's what the thing is. Like, they have a women's tour, at least they used to, where they had women's-only tournaments, and they were very good tournaments.

And they play very well, but they never beat they never won like against men and it could be a thing like you were saying with comedy that they you know they decide to have families they have other responsibilities it's not the be-all end-all to them it could be that yeah but i think like in comedy there's that issue with women but there's another issue and the other issue is men have a prejudice against women doing comedy. Like a lot of men don't necessarily want women to be funny and don't necessarily think of women as funny. Are they comedians or audience do you think in general? I think audience. Really?

I think it's general men like, oh, chicks aren't funny. I think that is a prejudice that no man says guys aren't funny, right? Yeah, okay. But men do say chicks aren't funny. I think that is a prejudice that no man says guys aren't funny. But men do say chicks aren't funny. Yeah, but they're usually dicks and aren't funny themselves. They have no idea. A lot of those are the people that pay for our tickets. Come on. Go and watch some of the girls that we know. Go watch Sarah Silverman. Go watch Ali Wong. Go watch Schumer's

Unbelievable. Come on. There's a lot of people that are very funny that happen to have vaginas. But maybe they identify as men. Yeah, you just don't point it out. They can do that now. There's a lot of people that are very funny that happen to have vaginas. But maybe they identify as men. Yeah, you could just unpoint it now. They could do that now. There's a few of those. That's a new thing. When we were a kid, there was no trans women that were in comedy.

But there are now. I think, but for women, there's like certain subjects that some men don't want to hear them talk about. Like a man can be a political comic and talk about politics and talk about the way people should behave. And a lot of men don't want to hear a woman talk like that. They don't want to hear a woman like. can be a political comic and talk about politics and talk about the way people should behave and not do it. And a lot of men don't want to hear a woman talk like that. They don't want to hear a woman like, and then a lot of men don't like it when women talk about sex too much. And that's another thing that a lot of women like to talk about on stage. And some men are like, I don't want to hear about that.

Why? From a woman. Stop being a pussy. Just, if something's funny, it's funny. I'm not saying it's good. You're insecure in your own life. I'm not defending it. I'm not defending it. Yeah. You're insecure in your own... I'm not defending it. I'm not defending it.

I'm the opposite, in fact. I'm mocking it. But I think it's a thing that does exist as a prejudice that men have, some men have, that they don't have towards men. No man will blanketly say men aren't funny. If they do, they're posers. They're just trying to fuck some girls and they probably have a little dick and they're just like a male feminist and I think men

Are terrible I prefer women comedians. Yeah, Hannah Gadsby is my favorite like those those Allegedly those those guys exist, you know, those guys do exist those fucking Those those fiercely feminists they put in their Twitter bio like those fucking guys are they're out there there But you know what? What do you think they think about the transgender athletes if they're fiercely feminist because they should be on the side of the four people that were standing there in arms. Right. They should be. Yeah. And if they're not, they're full of shit.

Yeah. See, that's the only area where I have a problem with this whole movement. It's not the acceptance. It's the the reason why we don't have males compete against women is that there's a fucking there's a benefit to testosterone you know it doesn't mean serena williams can't fucking kick my ass in a tennis game any day of the week she absolutely kicked my ass a lot of things she'd probably beat me up probably but it's like that's but we're not we're talking about against male players she would lose yeah you know that's just a the reality against male players, she would lose. Yeah.

You know, that's just the reality against some. You know, she'd beat quite a few, I'm sure. But it's like pool. But it's not like pool because there's a physical power aspect to tennis. There's a big thing. It happens in surfing. So if you look at the 13-year-old surfers on the planet right now, and because of wave pools, surfing has advanced massively. And these kids are unbelievable. And you should see these young girls, right?

Josh Kerr is a professional surfer. I think it's his daughter. I don't want to get it wrong, but it might be. And she rips. She's unbelievable. She does 360 airs as well as any of the guys. But as soon as those guys hit puberty, they're going to have way more power and be able to just boost way higher than her. And it's just a different thing. But

the wave pools have changed the game of surfing a lot. And in 10 years, you're going to see women do crazy shit. It's going to be unreal. That's wild. I didn't think that. I knew the wave pools were probably a good way to learn, but I never considered the fact. Well, it's just repetitive. If you go out surfing, you might get 10 waves, okay? 10 waves in a day. You can get 110 waves in a wave pool in a day.

That's just more and more. And you know how sport works. Repetitive, repetitive. A hundred percent. I just work that turn, work that turn. And before you know it, you're launching up. When I did Taekwondo, when I was obsessed, I lived in the gym. I essentially lived there.

I was there all day long. I trained all day long because I was 15. And I didn't have any other interests. And I really didn't give a fuck about school. So I didn't do any homework. I barely got through high school. That seemed to work out for you. I got lucky.

But during that time, I accelerated so rapidly because I was training all day long. All I did was eat and sleep and train. I had no life. From the time I was 15 until I was like 21, my social life was severely stunted. I had girlfriends, but even the girlfriends had to deal with this crazy world that I lived in. And so the amount of time, like I'm in the middle of rereading Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers book. And that's one of the things that he discusses in that book,

is the amount of time that someone spends on something. And they talk about Bill Gates and his access to the computers at the University of Seattle in Washington, or the University in Washington, Seattle, whichever one it is, where he had access to the computer lab and he was coding at a very young age. Yeah. So by the time he got to college, like he was like super advanced. Yeah, right.

Compared to a normal person because he spent so many hours. He would sneak out of his house in the middle of the night and go code. What a rebel. Yeah. But that's with a lot of things. I mean, Formula One drivers, you have to start when you're a kid doing go-karts, and you have to have money in your family to go in the go-karting circuit. So that's going to take out a lot of people that could potentially be awesome race car drivers

because they just don't have the time, the money. It's the same with MotoGP. It's the same thing. Like Casey Stoner was a massively successful racer for Australia, but his family, actually another family came in and bankrolled him to be this success from a young age. If you don't have that, you're just not going to have the time and the tools and the repetitiveness to be elite in that pursuit, you know? Yeah. That's all about this book, Outlier. Have you ever read it uh i have and i can't

remember any of it now that you're bringing it up it's really good and i'm i've read it before but i read it years ago and i'm getting back into it again now i read it before malcolm had come on the podcast back in the day but i'm really getting into it again for a second time because i've been really thinking about this a lot lately i've been thinking about like what makes people great at things and like what what is it about like obsession and time spent and One of the things that I'm really getting into is the Beatles because they talked about their days in Hamburg Yeah, where they would play eight hours a day. Yeah, and they were they would play other people's music. They play their music They play so much music that they and the people that knew them from Liverpool said that they come back from the Hamburg experience like a fucking completely different band.

Yeah. They've just done 10 years of road work in a year in Hamburg. It's the same with comedy. You go to New York and you're doing three sets a night and suddenly you're a beast. You know, you can't do that in Dayton, Ohio. But honestly, I think New York is great. I think there's an aspect, but I think the real thing is the road. Because I think the road, when you're doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, maybe even Wednesday as well,

those sets, you're doing an hour every night. You're not doing 15-minute sets. And in those hour sets, you get to explore so many more topics. And then you're just hammering those hour sets two on Friday, sometimes three on Saturday Yeah, the three on Saturdays are weird. You don't know what the fuck you've already talked about by the time It's like the midnight show I know one that's when the best stuff comes out cuz your heads going if I said this say something else and just go go Down another rickety road. It's you never fucking know man

Isn't that the best feeling though when you've done maybe a month of just solid shows and you are in shape and you're just like a weapon? And then you maybe go back to the comedy store and you're so fit. I did a tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron once. We did this Bud Light Real Men of Comedy tour. I remember you talking about that. And, dude, we did 22 shows in a month, and we traveled everywhere. It was one of those things where I'd wake up and I'd look at the ceiling of the hotel room. I'm like, where am I? I just did that last week so you don't

know where you are right it takes like five minutes to stare at the scene i play this game i'd wake up i go where the fuck at ohio where the fuck am i i don't know where i am and so we did that and by the the end of that 22 shows man because it was like night after night doing an hour yeah i was on fire it was it all after night doing an hour I was on fire no me and Charlie did and Hefron would I forget how much time he did and they usually had an opening guy who would do

a certain amount of time I think Hefron actually I think Charlie and I did 45 minutes each and I think there was an opening guy that would be a local guy and that's how I met Segura oh really I met Segura in Phoenix. We were at the, I think it's the Celebrity Theater. I think that's what it's called, the Hollywood Theater.

I forget. It's a theater in the round, a fairly small theater, like a 2,000-seat theater in Phoenix. And a lot of these guys that would open up, they'd be funny, they'd be good, but they really didn't make me laugh hard. And Segura had me fucking how how long ago was that 2007 and i remember saw him i go dude you go how long you been doing comedy and

he'd only been doing it like a few years and and i took him on the road with me i'm like you know come on man let's go no shit that's the best as a comedian when someone like you goes hey come on the road and you just start doing big venues and having fun well Well, he was so good, too. He was so funny. And he was such a good guy. Like, we had so much fun, like, right away. That's my favorite thing. I know you like to go on the road and, you know, like, there's alone time. I like to go on the road with my buddies.

Oh, no. Don't get me wrong. That's way better. Yeah. Way better. That's my favorite part of comedy besides actually being on stage and getting that energy that we love. Remember when you, me, and Santino did the United Center in Chicago? Yeah.

20,000 people, whatever it was. And is it the same stadium that the Bulls played in or have they changed the stadium or something? I'm not sure. Either way, we were in the Bulls' locker room, and everyone would think, Joe, you have a massive entourage and anything, and no, it was the three of us, as soon as that door closes, and whoever's hanging on and annoying us goes, and it's the three of us,

just farting around and being funny, and we're about to go perform for 20,000 people, and Santino's like going, are you nervous and poking me? And then you're going, here, have a shot of whiskey, and I'm like, maybe afterwards. That was fun. That was so much fun. That was the biggest thing you'd ever done by far, right? Completely. Yeah, that was so weird.

Crowd-wise, yeah. I'd done a few festivals, like a sort of Coachella-style thing and brought bands out to a crowd, but not – I mean, I did 20 minutes in front of 20,000 or whatever it was. But it was great. It was terrifying when I looked behind me and saw a 50-foot version of myself on a screen. And I'm like, oh, God.

Let's have a drink together, my friend. I don't know. I've got to tell you about these. This is an Australian beer? Yeah. My buddy sent these over from Australia. Victoria Bitter. Victoria Bitter.

So a lot of Australians will be thinking right now, why the fuck did you bring in that beer? Cheers, buddy. What is this like equivalent to American Weiser? Bud Weiser. It's not bad. It's like mild. It is.

It's a mild beer. Well, most beer in Australia is fairly, let's call it, it's not like an IPA. It's not filled with tannins and berries and crap. It's just straight beer. It's Bud Weiser and stuff like that. We've got some world-class beer out of Tasmania because the water's incredible down there, so the beer's incredible.

The water? Yeah, the water in Tasmania is the best on the planet. It's untouched. It's beautiful. What's the difference in the water? What does it taste like? I don't know, but they make good beer. It's just very pure water.

It's from the most pure, untouched, unpolluted place on the planet. Like glaciers that are melting, that kind of shit? You don't have glaciers there, though, do you? No, we don't have glaciers there, so I don't really know where the water's from. You do in New Zealand, right? In New Zealand. New Zealand's filled with fantastic snow and all that sort of stuff. Everyone from Australia goes over there to do the snow stuff

because we don't really have much of a snow season in Australia. So Tasmania. Is that where the Tasmanian tiger is? Yeah, or was. Tasmanian tiger is extinct. They think they're still around. I think they're trying to bring it back. I think they think they're still around.

I was watching a documentary on it. They think that it's very... There's so many sightings of an animal that resembles that. They think there's... Yeah. I forget the actual name of the thing. Dilophine. Thank you.

But it's a weird-looking striped dog-looking thing. Yeah, like a dingo, but it's a striped version to tiger dingo. Let's call it that. Yeah, they had one in captivity. There's video of it from – I believe it was like the 30s. Yeah, there's footage of them and stuff. Yeah, it was like black and white. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what it looked like. Yeah. A wild looking thing. Yeah. But there's so many sightings of that that they've actually sent biologists on these long excursions. And who was it that was on the show? Was it Forrest Galant? Forrest Galante?

I think it was him. And he was saying that they're reasonably certain. Yes, it is Forrest Galant? Forrest Galante? I think it was him. And he was saying that they're reasonably certain. Yes, it is Forrest. And he was saying they're reasonably certain that that animal is still alive. Good. I hope it is. There's enough.

Is there any images of it? I've seen footage of it. I think they think that they have images of it on a trail cam. Thylacine. What a cool name. I think they – I might be making that up. But I know for sure – Well, there's the Tasmanian devil. It's funny that when I bring something up and then I find out it was on my podcast.

I've heard people talk about this. Somebody was telling me about this guy who was really interesting. I go, really? What's his name? They gave me his name. I Google it, and he was on my show. I'm like, I forgot about this. Somebody was telling me about this guy who was really interesting. I go, really? What's his name? They gave me his name. I Googled it, and he was on my show. I'm like, oh, I forgot about him. Forget your own life.

Well, I've had so many conversations with people that it's like my brain is a hard drive that has no space. It's just stuffed, and it's overflowing over the top. But that's good. It is, but it's like I'm losing memories because there's so many that are getting jammed in there every week. I don't have the space for it. You know, there's like a thing. There's like a law of like memory where you can only keep a certain amount of people in your head. Yeah, that must be very hard for you.

You know way too many people. What is that called again? Dunbar. Dunbar's number. So Dunbar's number is 150 people. And Dunbar's number, yeah, because the idea is that our brains evolved in tribal environments and that human beings for thousands and thousands of years

lived in these small groups of people, these small bands of people, and we had to know intimately the people that were around us and it was mostly like you know 50 people 100 people and you can only keep like a certain amount whatever the number is if it gets to like 150 250 people you lose it like i have 500 plus fighters in my head yeah just fighters that i have to juggle around because I commentate on their fights and I have to know their styles and watch their performances and evaluate their skill sets. Yeah. But you're very interested in something.

I'd imagine that your capacity to maintain that level of names and stuff might be more if you're really interested in it. It's probably more than the average person just because of the sheer force of will of memorizing all these things and forcing these things. Here's a little more detail on something I haven't heard when we talked about that. According to the theory, the Titus Circle has just five people, loved ones.

That's followed by successive layers of 15, good friends, 50, friends, 150, meaningful contacts, 500 acquaintances, and 1,500 people you can recognize. Ah, interesting. People migrate in and out of these layers. That makes sense to me. But the idea is that space has to be carved out for any new entrance. has to be carved out for any new entrance. Dunbar isn't sure why these layers of numbers are all multiples of five but says this number five does seem to be fundamental to monkeys and apes in general. Of course all of these numbers

really represent range. Extroverts tend to have a larger network and spread themselves more thinly across their friends while introverts concentrate on smaller pool of thick contacts and women generally have slightly more contacts within the closest layers now here's this interesting I'm not really an extrovert I mean I kind of do it for a living yeah but like I am very happy being quiet I would say I am too I'd say a lot of comedians are don't you think they just quite quietly observe rather than being the center of attention, which is odd? There's a few of, like, there's, like, Jim Carrey type dudes.

Oh, yeah. Right? Who are, like, absolute extroverts. Yeah, yeah. Who just, like, demand the center of attention and control the room. But does he? When he's at home, does he just kind of go, ugh, God, people. It's a good question.

It's a good question. I don't know. You know? And then there's people, like, you know, there's people that can be, you know, they're hybrids. Like Joey Diaz is a hybrid. Yeah. Like Joey Diaz likes people to leave him the fuck alone. Leave me the fuck alone.

But when Joey Diaz is in a room, everybody's listening. You know, he takes over the room. Well, that's someone, your attention gets drawn to someone like that in a room. You're like that. Someone, your attention, everyone's attention gets drawn to you. room you're like that someone your attention everyone attention gets drawn to you it's i don't know if that's being extrovert but it's just your you've got that energy and that flow in the room that everyone's like i wonder what he has to say about that type thing maybe but i'm not like uh the clown like uh or the the the not the clown the jester or the guy who's making you don't

have to prove yourself like that like there's a lot of people that think they do. I've got to be funny so everyone thinks I'm funny. You don't have anything to prove. You could silently sit in a room and be totally content, but there's a lot of people that think, oh, I better say something funny right now or people will think I'm stupid. That's the worst when you try to hang with open micers

in the green room. And they think everything has to be crafted into material. You just want to hang out. Like Tony Woods barked at some fucking kid. had bought yeah he did because he was annoying tony you know and tony is that guy who is the funniest guy in the room you know and then this open mic kept trying to step on tony tony's like motherfucker do you see me ranting and and we were all laughing at tony and then when he did that we fell on the floor because this kid he was a good kid he was a good guy but he was you know 23 just starting

comedy open mic and he's hanging with us yeah he's hanging with tony woods yeah and tony hinchcliffe and me and a couple other guys and learn so he was one of us he was it was okay like like i want them to feel like they're one of us because i want more comedians i want more guys and girls and non-binary figures good i want i want them to have a fucking an insight to that world where we are just like you we're just further down this road that we're all on and i always felt like that at the store I was always super friendly to the doorman and the the people who work the cashier booth and because they're all comics yeah bartenders are comics yeah I was like all we're all the same yeah we're just some of us are just 10 years past you or

15 years whatever it is yeah but it's like we're all the same thing we're all calm once you're accepted into that brotherhood it's you're part of it you're funny the problem is when you get friendly with someone then you find out they're terrible and you have to pretend they yeah yeah that was that was good i've been friends with them like before like at the store like sometimes i knew someone for a year before i saw their act and i liked them they're fun to talk to like hey how you doing what's up what you've been doing and then i go i'm to see your act. And then you watch their acting like, oh, Christ.

And where do you think they failed? To impress you in normal conversation, you probably thought, oh, this person's funny and interesting. Where did they fail on stage then? Not necessarily thought they were funny in normal conversation. Right. But just liked them. Okay. There's a lot of people that I like to talk to that aren't funny at all.

Most of my friends are hilarious to talk to. They couldn't get on stage and do stand-up. Well, there's hilarious people that couldn't do stand-up. Well, they probably could, but they would have to really be obsessed with it and think about it. Yeah. You know, like I was talking to Tony about that the other day. Like, imagine starting over, like from scratch. Like, we had no idea how to do stand-up.

If you had to start over again, like how long it takes. Oh, if you actually didn't know in your head how to do it either. Right. Yeah, that's nuts. I started from scratch when I came to America. So I know what it feels like to know those skills in my head but, you know, not be accepted into the comedy store and places yet. And it was weird. It was hard.

But you had already done stand-up in Australia. Absolutely. That's different. What I'm saying is imagine if you had no knowledge of comedy you to start all over again right now. Oh god Oh god, no the stuff I've had to learn over the last I don't know 17 years and everything the amount of time that it takes to get good the amount of time that it takes where you can go on stage and kill and Like and entertain a crowd for an hour the amount of different audiences you have to perform in front of

to know that this is slightly different, this is this. I did Laughlin, Nevada on Friday. They were the rowdiest crowd I've had in 10 years. They probably can't believe you visited them. Yeah, they're like, what the hell's going on? They're just a bunch of drunken hillbillies. Where is Laughlin, Nevada? It's like the most southern point of Nevada,

about an hour and a half out of Vegas. It was weird. I don't know what we were doing there, but it was a big 1,000-seat theater, and they were so rowdy. But because I cut my teeth in Australia in a rowdy environment, I was like, oh, this is great. And I had one of the best sets of my life. It was so much fun. I cut my teeth in bars when I lived in Boston. Oh, in Boston. Boston's probably very similar to Australia. I cut my teeth in bars when I lived in Boston.

Boston's probably very similar to Australia. I think they're very similar places. I've been to Boston and I get along with Bostonians. Is that how you say it? Yeah, yeah. Very easily because I don't know what it is. Maybe is there a criminal convict sort of heritage in Boston? Oh, my God.

Is there? So many criminals. Well, that's it because obviously Australia is a convict settlement as well. I just deal with these people immediately. It's silliness. It's tomfoolery. It's a rough sort of environment. Dude, I used to work at a club in Boston that would offer to pay you in Coke or cash.

Did you take the Coke and try and sell it? I never took the Coke. I was not an entrepreneur. I wouldn't know how to sell Coke. I wouldn't have the first clue what to do. I knew a lot of guys who took the Coke, though. Unfortunately. I bet they're not around, right?

No, some of them are still alive. But a lot of those guys had problems. Oh, I meant even just doing comedy. Yeah, they're still doing comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot of them had problems because it was so easy to get paid in Coke. It's funny when you go to the back store of the comedy store and there's that mirrored piano thing and you just like scratches all over it you just want to know who was there and what had happened and kandison for sure did coke off that

table uh it's such a history there i love it oh my god it's one of the greatest places on earth in terms of history you know that's one of my proudest achievements that i've got my name on that well i think i'm the only aust. Are you really? I don't think Jim's got his name. He should definitely but I don't think he does. He's definitely a paid regular. I know that I got it before him. If it's on now, then it makes

total sense. But I was the first Australian on there. Congratulations. Thank you. Not bad. You sure there wasn't some weirdo back in the 70s? Probably. But my story sounds better. Yeah, fuck him. Fuck him. There's a lot of people that quit for whatever reason.

You'd run into their name, like, oh, I forgot about him. Where'd the fuck did he go? I can't imagine quitting comedy. It's like Stanhope said something really interesting once that I totally agree with. He goes, I could quit comedy because I could never quit comedians. Like hanging out with comedians. It's a different ballgame, isn't it? I feel like sometimes with my friends, like I said, I've got very funny friends. But it's like playing tennis with someone who's not quite as good as you.

And then once you play tennis against comedians and it's just back, back, back, back, and you're just like oh this is fun well it's also just they accept the crazy in you you know where some people just they they have hr breathing down their neck that's true live in an office environment and they they don't get a lot of fun crazy loose people yeah we have all everyone we know is crazy like all of our friends are out of their fucking minds it's just so fun that everything is a joke. Everything can be a joke. Yeah. And everything is fun and silly and let's just turn that into a joke and that into a joke, that into a joke.

Dude, I've been doing this podcast. We call them the Protect Our Parks podcast with Shane Gillis, Mark Norman, and Ari Shaffir. Oh, yeah. The four of us. And we get blasted. We get hammered and we get stoned. And they're the most ridiculous podcast they're so ridiculous and they're like i love them so much because i do all

these podcasts with scientists and philosophers and fucking scholars and all these interesting fascinating people and then i have a dickhead like me on so you can just talk shit but it's fun it's fun it's fun hanging out with comics is some of the most fun like i, I called Stan up the other day, and I hadn't talked to him in a while. And, like, the moment I called him, I just had this giant smile on my face. And we're laughing, and I'm driving home listening. You know, we're talking while I'm driving. I'm fucking laughing. I'm like, God.

I've been watching a lot of Mark Norman lately. Norman's hilarious. He just keeps pumping out good material on his Instagram and stuff. And he's a very, very good joke writer. Oh, he's very prolific. Yeah. Very prolific and very obsessed with comedy. He loves comedy. He adores comedy. Yeah. You know, he really does. You can tell that he's sort of and loves the art form and really goes for it. How about Shane? When we worked with Shane in Irvine recently. Oh, my God.

How funny is he? Dude, we were piercing ourselves backstage. Oh, my God. His Trump impression is insane. How funny was he when he got nicked by the game? Don't give him the benefit. I don't want to get out of it. It was crying.

We were on the floor laughing. We were crying. I have worked with him a few times at the Vulcan, but the way the Vulcan is set up, the green room is so far away from the stage, and then we have the TV on in the green room, so you can watch the set, but it's hard to hear because everyone's talking and shooting the shit. But back there, we were right next to the stage,

so we got to hear all of it. Yeah. Fuck, he's good. Yeah. He's fucking good, man. Very good demeanor on stage. Knows himself, his presence, his voice. Very good.

Well, there's a bunch of these guys that are on the up and they're on the come up they're they're rising through the ranks of comedy that are really good and really dedicated and just love the thing yeah you know love the thing and he's a guy that you know went through that shit where he was gonna get on saturday night live and then they dug up some old podcasts of crazy things that he had said. Best thing for him. Yes. Best thing for him.

In the end, yes. Like his Gillian Keeves, have you ever watched that? Yeah, how's the one where the dad's on OnlyFans or whatever? He's up there, I'm doing this for you. Gillian Keeves, I'll say this right now, is the best sketch comedy that exists on planet Earth right now. It's better than anything other than Kyle Dunnigan and Kurt Metzger stuff which is different because it's face swaps yeah that's just ridiculous did you see the Nancy Pelosi one yes I just

like can't stop laughing at it I was playing yeah I was playing it for this lady who actually went to see Nancy Pelosi speak she went went to this thing, this fucking gathering where Nancy Pelosi was at and they were talking. All these converts were saying, oh, she's the most entertaining and captivating speaker. And she listened to her talk. She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? This is nonsense. Have you seen that one thing that she did?

This recent one? It's like this babbling, crazy conversation. Here, I'm going to send this to you, Jamie, because it's, have you seen it? Before the river dance thing? I don't know what it is, but it's a new one. But it's so preposterous. I'm going to find it real quick. It's so preposterous that I sent it to people and they're like,

what the fuck is she even saying? I don't think I've ever seen the real Nancy Pelosi talk. I've just seen Kyle Dunnigan's version. Oh, Kyle's a fucking genius. He really, he really, he's so good. I mean, there's guys that shine in a certain way in art form. You see, that's your thing. That's your thing.

I don't think that's something I would do. I don't think, you know, it's just his thing, and and he's nailing it and it's just so silly and fun. Yeah, no, he's incredible. He's a very funny comic. Don't get me wrong. He's very good on stage, but there's a thing with him where you see him... This is it. Yeah, hold on a second. Yeah, I'm going to send this to you, Jamie. There's a format in which, you know, with that face swap shit, that he shines. He shines in a way that it's like, I don't think there's anybody better at that Instagram format.

And with the face swaps. Isn't it funny that it's not perfect? Like the face swap is just kind of silly. That's the best thing. It's the best part. It's like South Park. South Park has the shitty animation. Play this and give me some volume because it's fucking amazing.

Listen to this. Sending stuff over to the Senate. Well, most of the product that we've done is, except now we may have added in the last day or so, and some of what we added is Senate to the bill. Hearing. Bernie doesn't like hearing. Excuse me, Bernie loves hearing. Manchin doesn't want hearing in the bill. So somebody sent it, and then we had the

family medical need. We figured if they're putting things in, then we can put something in, even if Manchin doesn't like it. So we are getting some bird and privilege. I think mostly we're getting privilege scrub. Because privilege scrub is deadless to a bill. Birdable is important.

You have to take it out. But privilege violation can take you out. Look at the caption. It's like she's buffering it says 10 points for whoever can translate what nancy is saying just remember these people are running our country what did she say i have no idea i heard birds and then um biden can't hear there's a thing that they think happens when someone hangs around a schizophrenic. There's like there it's I think it's in the literature, like psycho psychology literature, where they think that if you go to visit a schizophrenic, if you're susceptible, if you're around them for long enough, something happens to you where you fail to recognize like their patterns are so screwy that it can infect the way you think and behave. And there's been people that went to visit schizophrenic relatives that wound up being locked up themselves.

Really? Actually, yeah, that happens quite a lot. Is it? I don't know if it's true. I was about to say I don't know if that's true. No, I've heard of that happening. I don't know if it's true. I was about to say I don't know if that's true.

No, I've heard of that happening. Sisters and stuff being locked up together because they've spent so much time and their brain patterns start to go nutty together. That makes sense. I've never thought of that. Well, it makes sense in the sense that the people that you hang around with are critical to your well-being. If you hang around with a lot of – one of the things I'm very fortunate is that a lot of my friends are very ambitious and they're very smart and they're very honest.

And they'll tell you about their fuck-ups. You can gain a lot of motivation from those people. You have energy. You recognize their patterns are very admirable and you enjoy being around them. It's inspirational. And then you go on, it helps you. It gives you some sort of a fuel. And I would think if that's the case, then the opposite has to be true too. If you hang out with a bunch of bitter losers who are just bitching and pissing and moaning about other people's success and other people's you know, what about me? It's called reality TV.

But that shit, I think that wears on people. And I think that affects people's behavior patterns. And I think if you're around crazy people too much, you can probably absorb some of their thinking and it probably fucks with your patterns. Because I think we are creatures of community. And if you're in a bad community, if you're in a community of bitter people or of jealous people or angry people, you absorb some of that. And if you're around crazy people, I bet you absorb that too. I find I start to talk with a certain cadence of the person that I'm with a little bit sometimes. Is it allophenia? Is that what it's called?

Shared psychotic disorder. So it's real. So a shared psychotic disorder is a rare type of mental illness in which a healthy person starts to take on the delusions of someone who has a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia. For example, let's say your spouse has a psychotic disorder and as a part of that illness believes aliens are spying on them. Maybe they are.

They are. Maybe she's right. Yeah. Maybe you're just judgy. Yeah. I should accept the aliens are spying on you. Do you think aliens are spying on Earth? I don't know.

Spying? Watching. I think they're there. We watch insects. That's the thing is I think they're there. We watch insects. That's the thing, is I think they're looking at us like, why would, just leave them alone. Put it this way. If we go to Mars with Elon and we find a little bug that exists there and we can't communicate with the bug, are we going to try and open up dialogue with it and go, hey, let's live together in harmony?

No, we're going to go, just leave them be. So that's what the aliens are doing. They, I'll just leave them be. Right. So that's what the aliens are doing. They're like, I'll just leave them be. They're doing their thing. Maybe, but we're a pretty complex bug. According to us. According to anybody.

Our octopus ancestors found in Montana lived even before dinosaurs. Holy shit. 4.7-inch fossil has 10 limbs, not eight. How's an octopus done? Duh. Octo is eight, you fucks. Oh, yeah, Dectopus. Each with two rows of suckers.

Scientists who named the species for President Joe Biden, oh, Jesus Christ, say it possibly lived in shallow tropical ocean bay. Wow. Interesting. But, you know, we are possibly on the verge of destroying the planet right now. Like we are as close to nuclear war as we've been since the 1960s. What about the Cuban Missile Crisis? 1960s.

That was the 60s? Yeah. All right, dumb. Why did I think that was the 90s? No, that was Kennedy. That was Kennedy was during the Cuban Missile Crisis? 1960s. That was the 60s? Yeah. All right, dumb. Why did I think that was the 90s? No, that was Kennedy. That was Kennedy was during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Oh, no shit. Yeah, the Russians had moved missiles into Cuba,

and they used spy planes to get images of that, and then Kennedy, they had a standoff. It was very touch and go for a while, and people were really concerned that we were going to have – I think that was probably even closer then than it was now because according to Oliver Stone, when I had him on the podcast, he said there were generals that were – they were advocating for a first strike, and they were talking about acceptable losses and millions of people that we could attack Russia and attack China

and that we would blow up a bunch of places and that we would lose a few cities. Fuck. Yeah, these crazy fucks. You've got to think, and this is a conversation that I had with Mike Baker the other day who was a former CIA operative, and I was saying that if someone's willing to kill as many people as Putin has killed in Ukraine, how many people have died there? Thousands, right? Thousands of his troops,

thousands of Ukrainian troops and civilians. It's like they haven't even figured the real number yet. Let's say it's 10,000 people. If it's 10,000 people, how much different is it if you nuke a city? A hundred thousand, right? If they nuke like a city that has a hundred thousand people and they nuke that,

like just to prove a point. That's not that much of a difference to 10,000. Also, if Putin's on the way out or something and he just wants to take a bunch of people, you know? Right, if he has a disease. If he has a disease and everyone's just like, fuck this, I'm going to take out a bunch of people before I go. Right, that's always a theme in Game of Thrones type, the Mad King. Yeah. There's always like some crazy fuck that's on his way out and it'll kill everybody. Right. There's always a theme in like Game of Thrones type, the Mad King. Yeah. You know,

there's always like some crazy fuck that's on his way out and it'll kill everybody. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird how that's happening right now. And you know, everyone's not terrified. I guess they are a little bit,

but it's not like people are just bunkering down and really accepting it. No. I guess you can't. People are scared as fuck. And there's people, there's all these different like narratives. There's a narrative that

Ukraine is filled with Nazis and that the government's fucking gaslighting us and that it's Ukraine is filled with heroes and that the Russians are awful and then it's the, there's many people that think,

well, we, you know, we're to blame and NATO's to blame because they're trying to get Ukraine to join NATO and then he'll have nuclear weapons in Ukraine pointing at Russia. There's so many narratives going on right now that it's really difficult to sort through what's right and what's wrong, but it's fucking terrifying. That's for sure. And Putin seems like the most ruthless as far as outside of China. We know that China does a lot of ruthless shit. But Putin, in terms of the way he gets rid of his political opponents,

the way he gets rid of journalists that go after him, he just fucking mercs people. And he's been that way for a long time, right? Or the whole time or he's run the country since 99 and he used to be a kgb guy which is like you know during the fucking soviets yeah during the cold war during that era like who knows what that guy was involved with yeah right who fucking knows who knows that's a that's a dangerous man to have the biggest nuclear arsenal on Earth. Oh, shit. It's fucking terrifying when you really think about it, but I don't know.

It's more terrifying the way Mike Baker was explaining it to me. Because he was saying we used to think of it in terms of mutually assured destruction, and that was the thing that kept us from attacking Russia and kept them from attacking us because we would blow each other up. But he's saying now with these hypersonic weapons, it's not mutually assured destruction because they could incapacitate the United States instantaneously. Before we have a chance to retaliate. Before we have a chance to retaliate.

You don't have 15 minutes anymore. You don't have 20 minutes. You don't have an hour. You don't have that much time. You have seconds. Shit, I might go back to Florida. I think they're probably going to not get nuked. They're pretty safe.

They're pretty safe there, right? Think about their vantage point there from Russia. We should saw Florida off and sell it to Russia. Maybe they'll take it as like a peace settlement. Just swim it in

like they did with the Statue of Liberty. Here, we've got this. Just make a nice canal above Pensacola. Saw into it. You can have the keys. You can have all the alligators. All that shit. You can have it.

We're going to give you a slice. Yeah. You can have all the buildings that the oligarchs bought. There's a lot of those super wealthy oligarchs guys. They own all that crazy real estate in Miami and all. West Palm? Oh, there's a lot of places down there. There's that one island that's filled with giants. Yeah, there's a lot of places down there. There's that

one island that's filled with giants. Yeah, it's insane. It doesn't make any sense. You go over this bridge and it's a 3 million minimum of a house and the people there are weird. Are they weird? Weird in this way that they're probably, I guess when money isn't an issue, you have a different lifestyle. How so? We went to this restaurant and I just looked around and I've gone, I'm very different than these people in this restaurant. There was young guys there with sweaters around their thing. Around their neck? Around their neck.

Those guys that tie the sweater around their neck? Yeah, a little tied sweater. That's a weird look. Look, if I go to a restaurant, I'm still in a position where I look at the price of things on the menu and I go, I can't do that. I can't do that. But that's not in their world. They're just like, I'll have this and that and this.

And then there's caviar. Oh, caviar is like so expensive. I've got to do that as if I'm eating with you. But it doesn't taste that good. I mean, it's okay. I've had caviar. It's okay. It's kind of tasty.

But it's not $1,000 tasty. Like, why is it so much money? If you eat caviar, like, if you compared caviar to, like, lobster is pretty economical compared to caviar. Yeah. Like, steak. But caviar does not taste better than steak. No. Why is it so much more money?

Because it's a status thing. I've got caviar. Yes, right? I've got caviar and you status thing. I've got caviar. Yes, right I've got caviar and you don't I got a gold-covered steak. You ever see that people eat cult Yeah, that fucking Salt Bae guy this guy. Oh, yeah, he serves Steaks that are covered in gold. You're eating gold. Have you seen it? I've seen similar things I haven't seen the steak he sells a steak covered in gold how much I don't know Thousand buck meal. I don't care how much money I have.

I'm not buying a fucking gold-covered steak. Cut to me drunk. You and I at a restaurant. Fuck it, money. Let's get that gold steak. Fuck it. You get a few fucking bottles of whiskey in me. I'll buy anything. You'd probably do it for life if it was on the menu

and you were having fun and shit. Well, I was with Mark De La Grata once and we ordered a bottle of wine from 1972. We were at this Italian restaurant and we were like, let's have some great wine. And they send over sommelier and I'm like, what do you got that's really good? And this was the wrong place to ask this at because it was one of those places that keeps- They had to go down to the dungeon. that keeps 50 year old bottles of wine. I was like, what? How much is that? And I think it was more than $1,000

for this bottle of wine. So I was like, okay, let's try it. And it wasn't good. It wasn't good. So we polished it off. There was a bunch of UFC staff there. We polished it off and then we were like, let's get another bottle.

Let's get like a regular bottle of wine from 2018. And it was better. It tasted fresher. My mate went to a wine tasting snob event, and he took the Trader Joe's two-buck Chuck thing, but he took the label off, and he said, it's just a clean skin from Australia. You guys will love it. And they all voted it the best wine at this whole thing. The whole thing of these hundreds of dollars of bottles of wine.

And they've gone, this is the best. And he said, it's from Trader Joe's, you dickheads. That's hilarious. Did they get embarrassed? Yeah. But they're like, oh, well, it actually has a quite nice. And they tried to talk their way out of it. He's going, shut up.

Shut up. I went to a wine tasting thing once. I have a buddy of mine who's a real wine connoisseur. Oh, yes. And he has a wine, like, a cellar in his home. Like, you go into a room, and it's, like, temperature controlled, and there's wine on the shelves. You don't have one of them? I would have assumed you did.

You got elk in there. Anyway, this guy's house, like, he had it built. Like, it's a thing. Like, he's a serious wine guy right so anyway his birthday so he invites me to go his birthday and he's got this party with all of his wine friends he's like is to be a trip you'll love it these are all these part they're in this wine tasting group that loves expensive when they're all like very wealthy people so I go okay look let's go and this is a

long time ago I was not nearly as rich So I go to this place and there's these guys, they all bring these boxes, like felt wine boxes with wine in them, you know? So they like open up these crates and they pull out the bottles and they have offerings like, you know, Eddie brought this and Mike brought that and Sally brought this. And so they have these wines, and they would bring out these. It was a very nice restaurant. So they'd bring out these small plates of food, and each plate, like these eight plates, would come with a flight of wines. So you'd have a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

And then they would tell you what this was. This was a blah, blah, blah from Bordeaux. And then they would all judge it. And they would say, this one has, it's rich with tannins and you can taste the oak and they would smell it. And so cut to many years later, I'm watching this documentary and this documentary is called Sour Grapes. And this documentary is about this guy who was in that wine group. He was a part of that wine tasting group that my friend was in. I did not know this when I was watching the documentary.

I'm watching this documentary and I see my friend. He's in this film. And then I see this other guy who's in this film who's the guy who gets arrested. And what this guy was doing was taking cheap wine. Oh, I saw that. And he was making fake labels. Yes.

And he was like aging the labels and rubbing dirt on them and all kinds of shit. What a legend. Well, he went to jail for a long fucking time. And this guy made millions and millions of dollars and did this with thousands and thousands of bottles of wine. It's a fascinating, fascinating documentary because one of the things it reveals in the documentary is that these people can't really tell what's great and what's not great. And that this one guy who had this amazing palate, I forget what his name was, but he had this amazing ability to like sense like what the essence of these very expensive wines were and recreate it with cheap wines. So he'd add a little bit of, he's like a chemist. So he's in his fucking studio city house with like stacks of labels and old bottles.

He'd buy old bottles and he would mix this stuff together to try to make like a reasonable facsimile of whatever this like exceptionally expensive wine was. And then he would sell it. How did he get busted? He got busted because he robbed the Koch brothers. Hold on. He fucked up. He fucked up. Because one of the Koch

brothers is a wine expert. And this guy was a wine collector. And he had the same kind of deal. He had this big-ass wine cellar in his home. And he had all of these wines that were, like, really expensive. Like, wines from the 1700s that are, like, a million dollars a bottle,

that kind of shit. Crazy stuff, right? And so someone was looking at his bottles of wine and it was like, this is not right. Like this is wrong. Like this is spelled wrong. This is from the wrong era. Like this company didn't make a magnum in this era. That's his name, Rudy.

That guy, Rudy. Rudy is the guy who I met. like this company didn't make a magnum in this era that's his guy started sweating that guy rudy rudy is the guy who i met i met him at this wine part i remember him because they were all sitting around talking about all these different wines and the flavors and so click on those bottles down there the one that shows the label yeah so that was those are fake bottles that Rudy had created. And one of the companies, one of the wine producers, one of the vineyards, they had seen in Sotheby's, they were auctioning off wine. And they had seen that there was labels of wines from their vineyard that they had never produced. And so they got involved with it as well. And when the Koch brothers had realized they had gotten taken, they started severely investigating and looking deep into this. And they found that this guy had done this with so many bottles of wine that there was literally thousands of them out there that were counterfeit

that had been sold for untold amounts of money. And he's just making them in his underpants in Studio City. It's not just that. He had a, I think it was his brother. His brother was involved. Was he from Indonesia? Is that where he's from? It was from another country.

And his brother was involved in some banking scam where he had bilked people out of fucking millions of dollars. And his brother took off and vanished with millions and millions of dollars. And then this guy winds up going to jail for selling millions and millions of dollars of fake wines. And then gets out and they fucking kick him out of the country recently. He got out and they kicked him out and now he's over there. And he is, you know, presumably someone has the money. And they don't know like where all the money went and how it was distributed.

And also he had to have help. There was another part of the film where they were speculating how many people had to be involved to create this many. Like this guy couldn't have done this all in his apartment. Make these thousands and thousands of bottles of wine. So at the end of the film, they're destroying this wine that's worth fucking untold amounts of money people bought it for. But they don't know how much of it he had in distribution that's just out there in these private collections. Because at one point in the film, one guy says, like, this is a bottle that Rudy sold me. And this is one of the real ones before he was selling fake wine.

that Rudy sold me and this is one of the real ones before he was selling fake wine because what Rudy was doing in the beginning was he was going to auctions and he was buying the most expensive wines and so he was spending probably the brothers money when the brother was the thing yeah they're probably in cahoots so he's using all this money and buying all this like super expensive wine so he had been known as this like big-time collector so then once he becomes known as this big-time collector serious So then once he becomes known as this big-time collector, so here is his uncle. His uncle, Eddie Tansil, was convicted in 1994 of embezzling $422 million.

$422 million. Why do I keep saying $22 million? Maybe it's because I'm afraid of the weed number. $420 million from an Indonesian bank. The money was not recovered. And two years later, Tansil bribed his way out of prison and escaped to China, where he is believed to be today. Wow.

$420 million. So in 2019, the government seized $2.1 million worth of wine that this guy, Kurniawan, that's Rudy, had stored at the wine cellarage in New York City. But Vasquez listed a lot of other wines owned by, I don't know how to say his last name, that the auction house Christie's, it's not Sotheby's, sorry,

it's Christie's was holding out of reach of the U.S. government. Wow. Wild shit, man. But now that $2.1 million that they've seized is worth shit because it's this crap wine. Well, look at this. She said that out of the 20 million in property that Rudy owes the U.S. government, more than 18 million had not been collected. This is wild stuff, man. It's a wild documentary because it exposes this weird kink that these people have of having this wine that's very difficult to get but it's

not much better i don't i think it's funny just because these wankers talking about the tannins in their wine and this one's worth way more and this guy's just like yeah fucking put this label on and charge them that for it well this guy was really good at it man they'll make a movie about it he fooled a lot of people but in this film this one guy who opens the bottle goes this is one of the real bottles that rudy had sold me and so who opens the bottle goes, this is one of the real bottles that Rudy had sold me. And so they're drinking it. And one of the guys is like, yes, this is great. And the other guy sniffs it and tastes it.

He goes, how long has this been open? And he's like, oh, a couple hours. And he goes, this is piss. This is like skunk piss. This is terrible. This is fake. This is not nearly the effervescence. It doesn't have the je ne sais quoi.

He's like, I'm a real expert. This wine's bullshit. And it's like, God. It's beneath me. And so my friend who I talked to who was in the documentary, I was like, how much can you tell? Like how much can you tell? He's like, Rudy had an incredible palate. And he had this ability to recognize.

Like there are some people, allegedly, I'm not sure this is real. This might be like the fucking Chinese death touch. But there was some people, you know, like Kung Fu Death, where they pretend they can, ah, and people go flying. He goes, there's some people that you can open up a bottle of wine, they can sip it, and they can throw it around their mouth, and they can tell you what part of the world it's from, what vineyard it's from.

Like, they have an exceptional palate. Yeah. This is supposedly true. I think that's true. I think it's from, what vineyard it's from, like they have an exceptional palate. Yeah. This is supposedly true. I think that's true. I think it's true. But I don't know. So I'm just saying supposedly. And he was saying Rudy was one of those guys.

He had an exceptional palate. Like some people are exceptionally good at creating music. He was exceptionally good at recognizing like the vintage of certain wines. I applaud this guy. I'm all for it. I'm all for crime against idiots well it's hard to feel sorry for them well it's their own fault they're sitting there going this is exceptional and blah blah yes i'll pay this for that you paid for it you didn't sell it at a store and and hustle a bunch of regular people. He sold it to dickheads. The Koch brother guy who had it, he had some wine that was from fucking Thomas Jefferson and some shit.

Some really fucking old wine with people's signature on it. And they were like, that's not his signature. This is not real. Do you remember I gave you a bottle of Penfold's Grange at the comedy store one night? I was across the road at what is considered like the Australian Oscars, whatever that is, and they were serving all this fancy Australian wine, Penfolds Granges. I don't know, maybe it's $400, $600 a bottle.

I'm not sure. And I thought, I'm going to try and get one for Joe because I've done some shows with you out here and I just wanted to give you something nice. And I said to the bartender, can I have a bottle of the Grainge? He goes, I can't. He's an Australian guy too. He goes, I can't give you a bottle. But I'm just going to turn around for exactly 20 seconds

and make this cocktail over here. And I'm just like, oh, you legend. And so I grabbed it and I put it down in my suit, in my pants, and I casually walked out of the Australian Oscars, you know, straight legged. And I went across the road and gave it to you. It was good wine. I hope it wasn't fake. No, it wasn't.

I got it from, straight from Rudy. But I mean, that world is a strange world, man. The world of really rich people looking for ways to spend their money on – they think that that's what powers the whole – this is like tiger penis world and rhino horn. Tiger penis world. Did you know that? No, I think that's a place in Florida next to Disneyland, tiger penis world. There's a group of people that are really into drinking rhino horn tea. Oh, I know. Yeah.

And it's only because rhino horn is so hard to get. Yeah. And if you do, it's not like it's better than like mint tea or some shit. No. I'm sure like regular fucking Lipton tea is probably tastier. Has it got anything to do with, and this is silly, but has it got to do with erections? Like, is that why they drink it?

Yeah, supposedly. But I think more than that, what it really is, is that you're eating something or drinking something that is so forbidden that it's an animal that's on the verge of extinction. And so if you are one of these people that has, like, a fucking billion-dollar yacht, you're driving a Bugatti, and you have a party, and you're like, we're going to serve rhino horn tea like we're elite

yes we are they sit around and drink this fucking tea that came from an endangered species horn do you know pineapples used to be like that really back in the day it was very very hard to get pineapples so they were a symbol of wealth and they wouldn't eat them they'd have them on the centerpiece of the table and go, we have a pineapple. And it was, you know, a sign of,

um, look how good we are. And you're, you're a poverty stricken. When was this? I don't know. I make things up hundreds of years ago. Who knows?

When I was in Hawaii, we went fishing and I caught a fish that was like Moana, you know, like the fucking Moana fish, you know, like the movie Moana. Yeah. Yeah. There's like a fish. It's like a Moana, you know, like the fucking Moana fish. Like the movie Moana? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a fish.

Really? It's like a Moana fish. Okay. And one of the guys on the boat told me that this fish, back in the day, if you had that fish and you were in the royal family, if you caught that fish, you had to give it to the royal family. If they caught you eating that fish, they would behead you. The royal family of Hawaii, not the British royal family. No, no, no. The royal family of Hawaii, back when Hawaii was its own country, which was until the 1950s.

I didn't know that. I know. It's a crazy history there. There's one of those islands that you can't go to unless you're authentically Hawaiian. Which one was that? I don't know. I can't remember which one it was called, but I've gone past it on a boat. It's kind of crazy that you fly five hours in a plane over the ocean

to go to the United States. Like you're in the United States. It's nuts. And then you fly five hours in a plane over the ocean, and then you land and you're still in the United States. It made me a little sad when I went there the first time because I'm like, oh, Hawaii. And then I went there and all the infrastructure,

like the highways and stuff, just are America. There's an American sign and everything. And I'm like, oh, it's kind of just been massacred with you know a little bit like that but there's also a lot of street names that you're not gonna fucking pronounce correctly no it's all Hawaiian news we've got that in Australia to Aboriginal names that you just go the fuck well my buddy Adam Green Tree he lives in Australia and he works a lot with Aboriginal people because he's in the mining business. Oh, yeah. And he told me that they're called mobs.

That's what they call like a tribe of Aborigines. He said you can go like 30 kilometers and there's a new group that has a language that the group 30 kilometers away does not know. Yep. And there are hundreds of those. Hundreds of different languages within the Aboriginal communities. they're losing them they're losing them absolutely because they're not written down they're not studied and these people are going to die off and their language is going to die off with them yep but um there's a lot of people trying still to hold on but it's just i mean it's hard because there is so many different dialects and stuff like

that there's a whole area in australia called called Arnhem Land that's protected and you can't go in there unless you're indigenous Aboriginal. And they live, you know, back the way they used to and stuff. Isn't that where they have all those Asiatic water buffaloes, those giant water buffaloes there? Oh, I haven't heard of that, but probably. We've got a lot of weird shit. Yeah, they have invasive water buffalo that they brought from Asia. Oh, really? And they run rampant over that area.

The northern lands? Yeah. Yeah. Adam lands up in northern territory. Yeah, and my friend Adam goes up. There's, in fact, in the L.A. studio, and I'm going to bring it back soon, there's a giant buffalo skull that Adam gave me

that was above the American flag in my old studio. Oh, okay. There was an American flag right above it. It was a giant buffalo skull that Adam had killed. And he got that from? He got it from Arnhem Land. Really? Yeah, he went up there.

Wow. He hunts up there all the time. Is he Aboriginal? No. No? No. I don't know how he gets permission. Yeah, you can get permission and go.

But he works with a lot of those folks. Yeah. Maybe you have to pay or something. I don't know what the deal is. But they would go up there and, yeah, look at the size of that fucking thing. Oh, that's the thing that Crocodile Dundee puts to sleep. Oh, yeah, but that's not real. Oh, that's completely real. How dare you?

That thing will fuck you up. How dare you? He did that and he put it to sleep. It's a true story. He said those things are really dangerous. He said, but what's more dangerous is what they call scrub bulls. Do you know what a scrub bull is? No.

Scrub bulls are wild domestic cattle. So they're wild bulls, like bull riding bulls, that have been living out there for generations, like hundreds of years. They probably imported them many years ago, and then they broke loose from a fence or something like that, and they got out there. They have a thing about that in the West. Yeah. In the West of America, there's who knows how many wild horses.

They're all over the place in certain states, and they're just running around, these wild horses. Well, they have that in Australia. They have these scrub bulls, and they look wild, man. Oh, wow. Look at some of them. Look at that one. It looks like a bossin'. Yeah. Their horns some of them look at that one like a bison yeah their horns are crazy look at that one right there with a guy with a rifle propped up against

it look at the horns on that oh yeah like what the fuck is if you saw that you'd be like what is that like with the one that you have your cursor over look at that thing shit it's so crazy but he said those are ferocious aggressive oh my god Oh, my God. He said so aggressive. And look at the size of them. And he said, if those see you out there, they will come charging at you. And one of his buddies got gutted from one of those. And he escaped and climbed up a tree. But they had to airlift him to a hospital.

His guts were hanging out. The thing, like, gored him and, like, sent him flying. Shit. And, you know, stuck something in his guts. Luckily, he lived, but a lot of people died. They get crushed by those things. You're out in the middle of absolutely nowhere there. And those things target you.

They don't fuck around. They see you and they're like, what are you doing here, bitch? And they just come after you. We're the Asiatic water buffalo. Was that the sound? Give me that. There's one coming in. I was thinking of pig oh hunting bulls down

there yeah i just wanted to see if they had any pig man is a dude who uh him and ted nugent there's a video called a porkalypse now where they hunt pigs helicopters like apocalypse now so is that he's hunting a scrub bull there yeah i was just trying to see if they had that's a little one yeah that's a baby. That might be in Texas. Is that Australia? No, that's Australia. Yeah, Queensland.

Because he lives in Australia. Excuse me, he lives in Texas. That was not exciting. That was good. Yeah, but hunting them with a bow and arrow is how Adam hunts them too. It's like, bro, you might want to bring a rifle. Yeah, shit. I didn't know that they were lurking out. There's a lot of things that want to kill you in Australia.

Oh, yeah, man. A lot of bow hunting in Australia. Do you know that? Well, I don't, but I'm not surprised. It's super popular out there. Yeah? Yeah. There's a lot of stuff to kill.

Well, there's so many wild animals that are invasive species. Camels. Just shooting camels. I bet they do hunt camels over there. Pull that up. You'd be definitely allowed to. Bow hunting camels in Australia. Yeah. I bet they do that. Sure. there. Pull that up. You'd be definitely allowed to. Bow hunting camels in Australia. Yeah.

I bet they do that. Sure. They hunt cats. Do you know that? What kind of cats? Feral cats, like house cats. Really? Oh, yeah.

It's a real issue. Like a rag doll running out there. They have imported so many cats over there because they were trying to kill off different species. They brought in cats, and then the cats started decimating all the ground-nesting birds and wildlife. They've not had a good history of bringing other animals in to stop them. That's a terrible idea. Camel hunting using bow and archery hunting.

Click on that, please. Click on that video. This guy's going to hunt a camel. The camel's like, what is happening? That's a weird hunt because that thing is just like, what are you doing? It's not like it knows that you're a predator. That camel is

very much aware that that guy's there and it's not worried about him and he just sticks it. And here comes the shot and into the vitals. Apparently camel meat is delicious. I've had camel. Bourdain had some somewhere in the Middle East, and he said it was very good.

What did it taste like to you? Shitty. Shitty? Yeah. I had alligator and emu and camel and something else when I was in Alice Springs, which is where Uluru is, you know, the big rock in Australia. The what is? Uluru. Uluru? What is that? Uluru.

You say it like I'm supposed to know what the fuck that is. Oh, you don't know what that is? Do you know what that is? It's a giant... Nobody knows what that is. So the whole of the... You say it, it's like we're Yankee Stadium. Have you seen this before? No. You've never seen that before? That's one of our iconic things. It's a fucking rock. It's a huge rock

in the middle of nowhere. Everything else is flat around it. Completely flat. For, you know, kilometers in every direction and then this rock just is there

for no reason. It's huge. That's probably one of them things where Saad Guru talked about where if you go there you meet aliens. Right?

Seems like it. Yeah, that was a fun yeah. Yeah. It's a great way to have something in place. Yeah. Look at the size of that thing. Yeah. Monstrous. You could, that was a fun, yeah. Yeah. Starway to Heaven. Yeah. Something place, but. Yeah. Look at the size of that thing.

Yeah, monstrous. You could fit the Eiffel Tower, Sydney Harbor Bridge, Statue of Liberty, Great Pyramid of Giza, and Big Ben. Yeah, they're all inside there. That's nuts. And did they have any geological explanation as to why that thing exists? If they do, I don't know it, but it just pops straight up like that. And it's literally in the middle of nowhere.

What? And I've been there, and it's one of those places that you go. Like, I've been to Niagara Falls and stuff like that, and you get this sense of just a history of the Earth, and something's happened. Something's happened. You don't know what it is,

whether it's a meteor that's gone and stuck into the earth or whatever it is, but you know something great happened at one stage. Somewhere in the history of the earth? Yeah, you can just feel a presence, like a real earthy. So it just feels off? No, you feel very grounded when you're there. Like you feel very at one with nature and everything and something, and it just feels very special.

It's like a special place. Really? Yeah. Is it because you know it's a special place? Maybe. Or does it like genuinely feel like a special place? Maybe. Well, maybe I've known it my whole life.

And then I saw it and I was like, oh, this is so special. It's like when I went to Graceland. And I thought, oh, this is so special. Show me the toilet where Elvis died. It was the best. I loved that when I went to Graceland. When you went to that rock, how long does it take to get there? From Alice Springs, I'm just going to guess that it's maybe somewhere between a five and a ten hour drive or something like that.

Maybe it's closer. Who knows? But that whole area, it's so big. I mean, Australia is the size of the United States. Right. And the population is only in, like if we were talking about a map of the United States, our population is only in LA and then from New York down to Florida, all on the coast. And then everything else, you think of every state in the middle, like Texas, everything,

there's nothing there. Nothing. And the amount of population, I think, is just less than the population of California. Yeah, I think it's 28 million or something like that now. Which is probably just LA if you count all the illegals. Yeah, I think it's just heavy rain. What does it say, downpours? Yeah, I was just looking at it barely rains there,

and they ask that you don't take photographs. And the last fun fact was that less than 1% of people even get to see these waterfalls that appear when heavy rainfall hits. I saw it. Whoa. Yeah, when it rains on the rock. People talk about it. It's a very, very special event.

It looks like the rain has carved a path through the rocks. Yeah. Go back to the beginning of that, please. Look at that. Doesn't that look like the rain has smoothed that out and carved its way through that? Yeah. Wow. Why do they tell you not to take pictures?

It's a very sacred Aboriginal spot. Oh. So they don't want... Meanwhile, here's some dickhead. Here's some dick. Trodding around in it, taking pictures. Well, they had... You used to be able to climb up it and everything, and then they took that away.

Ah, because people fucked with it? Yeah, fuck that. I don't want a bunch of fat tourists walking all over the rock to sleep. Look at those images of the waterfalls. Look at those right there. Click on that. Look at those. That's fucking wild.

Yeah, it's unreal. I wonder what the fucking... Look at that, where it's carved those divots. That's wild. Now, is there an explanation? See if there's an explanation. Why does that rock exist? There's stories in the Aboriginal culture of why it's there that are, you know, from the dream time and stuff.

What do they say? I don't want to get it wrong and in trouble, but the one that I kind of remember is that they gathered all the criminals and stuff at the time back, you know, hundreds of thousands of years ago or something, and they dropped a big rock on them to keep them under there. It says it's been a significant landmark to Aboriginal people since the beginning. The natural landmark is thought to have been formed by ancestral beings during the Dreaming. to the local aboriginal people, Uluru's numerous caves and fissures were all formed during or due to ancestral beings' actions in the dreaming. Whoa. Dreaming is a dream time. So while you're asleep.

While you're asleep, basically, yeah. So they have a different thought of what dream time is? They believe it's when you go into the dream time and you're asleep, it's a place in between this world and afterlife. And you can meet people in this dream time in sleep and you can heal them and stuff like that. It's really, really fascinating. It's one of my favorite cultural things that I've learned. And it's just very grounding. I mean, the Aboriginal people are the closest to earth and everything of any other culture. They're so ingrained with the way that the world that they live in works.

It's incredible. And so, yeah, the Dreamtime is a big thing. And that's where they get a lot of their stories that they pass down and stuff like that. I've always wondered what the fuck dreaming is. Because they think that dreaming, there's some sort of a psychedelic chemical release by the brain during dreaming. Because dreams and some psychedelic chemicals that are endogenously produced in the brain like DMT, that they have similar properties. One similar property is that if you do a DMT trip, if you have that experience, once it's over, you know it very vividly, but it escapes your memory very quickly. Almost like you're trying to grab a ghost or you're trying to grab fog. Yeah, right.

You can't hold on to the memory. You know how you wake up from a dream and you're like, dude, I had the craziest dream. But if you don't tell somebody that dream within like the first 30 seconds or write it down, you're going to forget it. Yeah. Well, how is that possible if it was such a vivid memory when you woke up? Yeah. You know that feeling? Oh, of course. I lucid dream.

I have since I was a kid. Yeah. Really? I can control my dreams. I've been able to do it since I was 13. You're a wizard. I remember the first time I did it. You're a wizard. I know. It's the best. Every time I go to sleep,

I basically am playing Grand Theft Auto and I usually just grab a I do it every time. I go, I'm dreaming. And I grab a Ferrari and I just go Really? Yeah. Wow. I met a guy when I was about I'd be sleeping all the time. Yeah, I'm going to have a nap after this. I met a guy in my early 20s who was a dream analysis, and I told him, I've gone, oh, I lose a dream. And he said, really? And he was so interested in me. He said, next time you do it, see if you can control it, and then I want you to call me. And so when I went to bed that night, I said, all right.

And I knew that I was dreaming because I saw a chocolate. I was in a 7-Eleven or something. I saw a chocolate bar that I knew didn't exist. And I went, that's out of place, and that's not right. And I looked around and went, oh, I'm in a dream-Eleven or something. I saw a chocolate bar that I knew didn't exist. And I went, that's out of place and that's not right. And I looked around and went, oh, I'm in a dream. Here we go. And so I went out and I got in a car and I drove around. And then I got in the air and I flew myself to New York.

And I was flying around buildings in New York. And then I think that's all I can really remember. And I woke up and I told the guy this and he was beside himself. He's like, oh, my God. Like only a very small percentage of people can lucid dream and then a very, very small can control that and actually have control within the dream. You can control parts but not everything. But I can control everything. Wow.

And you've always been able to do this? Since I was 13. I remember the first time that I did it at my grandma's place, and I woke up and went, oh, my God. Does this happen every time you sleep? Not every time because sometimes I just don't dream or something or I don't think about it, and I wake up, and it's not like I write it down in my dream journal. I just, you know, but I'd say 90% of the time, yes, I do. Wow. That's got it.

So you live two lives. Yep. And it's always interesting when I find out that it's the dream because it's usually a normal scenario, but something's out of place. Like I look over and go, that hat's not right. And then I look around. And then in the last sort of 10 years, a stranger thing has been happening is I realize it's a dream. And everyone in that dream looks at me and knows that I know. And I know I've only got about

30 seconds before they kick me out of the dream and so i'm like oh fuck you guys and so i run off and go and do shit until i get kicked out of the dream like a lucid dream how long do they usually last for i don't know i mean how long did dreams go and how long do you remember and stuff but i've done some crazy shit and had full adventures in my dreams and stuff. Wow. That's got to be so fucking cool. It's fun. Apparently, that's something you can cultivate.

Like you can learn how to do that. Which makes me think like why don't I know how to do that? I've never even thought about it. I've never tried to. I did – I remember I watched a film once that it said – it was a documentary. It said if you think you might be dreaming, here's a way to tell. Walk up to, like when you're walking through a doorway, knock on the side of the doorway and go, am I dreaming? And if you can't knock on something, then you realize, oh, this is a dream.

Really? And it did happen to me once. One time I did that. Yeah. Where I went and I tried to knock on the door like oh I'm dreaming. Yeah. And I realized I was dreaming and I you know nothing crazy happened. I mean I've had crazy dreams before but not this time. But I

was kind of in this lucid dream and then I woke up. People spend a lot of time trying to get that. Like we'll do that and then the next night we'll try again and stuff to get themselves to a point where they can lucid dream. It's just always happened to me since I was a kid. That's wild dude wild dude yeah I wonder if there's like a study they could do on you they could do plenty of studies on me but I don't

think it's a good idea if they like sat you down in like a sleep study yeah and examined like what is happening during your brain and if you could wake up and go yes I was lucid dreaming this is what I did like I wonder if they could see the activity. I used to sleepwalk a lot too. I'd lock myself out of the house, out in the street in my underpants. Yeah, dangerous shit.

You know Michael Bisping? I heard that. I was laughing my ass off. It was so funny. But I've done all that sort of stuff. Same thing. For people who weren't listening to that episode, Mike has night terrors.

And he had a night terror where he had family staying over his house. He runs out naked and climbs over the neighbor's fence. And now, granted, this is not just a regular person. This is a former UFC middleweight champion of the world who's a fucking savage who's out there screaming naked, climbing the neighbor's fence. And then wakes up in the middle of it and realizes what he's fence. And it wakes up in the middle of it. It realizes what he's done.

I've done that, but I have my boxer shorts on. I wasn't completely naked. He sleeps naked. Yeah. I think if you were a fucking guy who has night terrors, you'd probably sleep with pajamas on. Maybe put a little precautionary underpant on something. Yeah. I might even sleep with shoes on.

Why take a chance? Get ready. What if I step on broken glass and I'm running around like a fucking maniac? That's a thing, though, that night terrors where people just run out and smash through windows and shit and get cut up and don't realize what happened to them. There's been stories of people jumping out of windows and really hurting themselves and stuff. Yeah, I've heard those. The bad thing about – well, not the bad thing, but sometimes it happens when I've, let's say I've been out and I haven't done it in a while, but a whole weekend of partying

and stuff. And I'm quite hung over in my, you know, when your brain's not working properly and stuff. And then I think, oh, is this a dream? And it's not. And I'm looking around going, oh, this is a dream. And I go, hey, it's not. Don't do anything stupid. You're not in a dream right now.

You're just hammered. You're just hammered. You need to go home. You think you can fly. And I'm like, I'm going to fly to New York. And I just jump off something. It's like that old Bill Hicks joke. Young man on acid thinks he can fly.

Jumps off a building. What a tragedy. He goes, what a dick. He goes, he really thought he could fly. Why didn't he just take off from the ground? He goes, the world lost a moron. It's a fucking great bit. That's funny.

He's a great bit on how come nobody ever realized. There's no positive drug stories in the news. You ever heard that bit? No. See if you can find it. Bill Hicks, young man on acid. I had a t-shirt a while back that was young man on acid. Bill Hicks is one of those comedians that I kind of missed

just in my entry to comedy and being in Australia and not knowing him and I know from the stories. Same with Kinderson. He was a guy that I saw when I was just starting out. I was only like a year in a comedy or so, and he had been on Roddy... Drink from the beginning. This is from Revelations.

Wow, what a fucking tragedy, huh? I guess I'm one car length up in traffic tomorrow. How about a positive LSD story? That would be newsworthy. Don't you think? Anybody think that? Just once to hear a positive LSD story? Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration.

That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves here's Tom with the weather You guys are great. Thank you very much. We close with that. That was Revelations.

How many years did Bill Hicks get? He died in the 90s. I know he died in the 90s because I knew his girlfriend. And I was living in New York. And so this was like 93. And she was a comic. And I did a gig with her in Connecticut and we were talking about it and it's like it was a real bummer for her like they had already broken up and everything like that but she was she knew him back in the day and and uh I remember at the time

like that was it was a weird connection I had seen him um i saw him bomb one time hard to point where he cleared the room yeah and he never lost confidence it was crazy i could never say so good you gotta never saw a guy bomb so comfortably like he didn't mind that like the it was the same club that gave you coke or cash oh yeah same club that's where he bombed it's called the Coke or Cash. No. Next Comedy Stop. Is that still around or something? I don't think it's the same owners.

Okay. It was a full-on mob-run joint at one point in time. The Comedy Store was a bit like that, wasn't it? No, no, no. The Comedy Store was run by Mitzi. The club beforehand was... Yes. Right.

Ciro's. Ciro's Nightclub was Bugsy Siegel's place. Oh, really? Yeah. That's why there was always stories about ghosts at the comedy store. Yeah. I've done that tour and stuff. Have you?

Yeah. I can't remember who took me through. Maybe Tommy or. Oh, yeah. Did they take you in the basement? Yeah. Everywhere and show me where the hole was where they'd get people to walk up the stairs and then punk.

Yeah. Allegedly. I mean, who knows how much of that's true. But for sure, people got whacked there. is then punk. Yeah, allegedly. I mean, who knows how much of that is true. But for sure, people got whacked there. I mean, if you're at Bugsy Siegel's nightclub, for sure, someone's drunk and someone's mad and someone shoots somebody. Oh, shit.

You know? I mean, look, people shot at people at the store. There used to be a bullet hole in the back sign in the back parking lot because Kinison was mad at Dice Clay and he shot a fucking hole through the sign. Really? Yeah, they fixed it.

I was like, why did you fix it? Oh, Dan, that's history. How could you fix it? So the bullet hole's still there, but the sign used to have a crack in it where the bullet had gone through and then gone into the wall. Some of them were shot there about eight years ago because I was- Yes. That was an audience member.

He was involved in some sort of illegal activity and some rival gang member showed up and shot him on the patio yeah i think hinchcliffe was there when that went down no rose was there rose the bartender was there when that happened terrifying shit yeah but um that place who knows how many people had been killed there during the ciros days but that was run by bugsy siegel. Yeah, it was like a- They used to say there's a booze running thing from the house down to the store. Supposedly. Yeah, there's a house on Crest Hill,

which is right above it, which I almost bought at one point in time. Really? Yeah, but I had a crazy dog who was an escape artist. He goes through the tunnel and just gets down to the comedy store. No, the fence situation was not suitable. It was like it didn't have a big enough yard for him,

and the fence was not suitable, and he was smart. I was like, I am going to have this dog get loose and run around the neighborhood. What kind of dog? He's a pit bull. Yeah, you don't need that. He was not the dog you wanted getting out. Really? No, no, no, no.

That was my opposite of Marshall. Yeah, total opposite of marshall that was my younger much more feral days when i used to have piranhas too i had piranhas i had a tank full of piranhas did you i had a tank full of piranhas and uh i bought a human skeleton online you could buy a human skeleton this is like 1990 put it in a buddha statue five or some shit like that you could buy a human. And I thought about this now. I was fucking in my 20s at the time.

And I thought about this now. I was like, how the fuck did I buy a skeleton? This is like the early days of the internet where they had websites where you could buy things. It seemed bizarre that you could buy anything. Yeah, the Pam or Tommy tape or a skeleton And you went for the skeleton The Pam or Tommy tape was free Everybody was handing that out Did you watch that limited series?

No I didn't Was it good? It was good It was very sort of well done And it was every 13 year old boy's fantasy come true Because Pam was Pam she looked exactly like her Really?

Oh it was incredible how well they did with that I saw a clip of it where he was in Tommy was in his underwear and he was mad at some carpenters yeah he's in his underwear a lot in the series um I met him once because my buddy was a bodyguard for for Tommy oh yeah and Tommy wanted to fight Kid Rock because this was when that's such a fun fight because this is uh when Kid Rock he had married Pam for a while yeah after Tommy yeah yeah and so I guess the two of them were doing like what Pete Davidson and Kanye West are doing right now like publicly quarreling over the uh you know one of their former ladies. And so I went to see. It was when they had that Rockstar Supernova TV show.

Do you remember that? Nah. There was a show called Rockstar Supernova. And it was like they put together a band. God, I hope I'm not fucking this up. Because I never watched it. But my friend, I hope I'm not fucking this up. Because I never watched it, but my friend, my friend, I don't need to say his name,

introduced me to, he's like, hey, Tommy wants to meet you, but he also wants you to help him because he wants to fight Kid Rock. I was like, what? Like, what are you talking about? Tommy wants me to... He has an ulterior motive if he wants to fight Kid Rock. I don't know if you talking about Tommy wasn't ulterior

motive he wants to fight I don't know if he wanted me to train him or help find him trainers or commentate something yeah by the way so I I go and meet him he's like I'm gonna fuck him up and I looked at Tommy like the kid rock is like that is a wild boy from the south oh yeah your money's on kid rock i don't know man i just think at the time i would have put money on kid rock they seem pretty matched height wise and size wise right the amount of deterioration they've done to their bodies yeah i don't know man i was like tommy i don't like your chances here. I think Kid Rock is wild. Kid Rock, like even the way he would sing. Kid Rock.

Yeah, right. He was a wild boy back in the day. Kid Rock was wild. I went to Kid Rock's house in Nashville, and he has a replica of the White House built on his property in Nashville. It is a massive house that he's building. It's quite a bit bigger than the actual White House. It's quite a bit bigger.

Yeah. The real White House is pretty small. Does he have an oval office and everything? No. It's way better than that. Wow. It is two bedrooms. It's about 27,000 square feet.

It has two bedrooms. It has the guest bedroom, and it has his main bedroom. The rest of the house is just party. Party central. Really? He has a gold elevator in the center of the house, and he goes, and the construction worker was like, the construction was like, well, a lot of people like to hide their elevators. He's like, fuck that.

He goes, I want people coming over to my house. Like, Kid Grock's got a fucking gold elevator. He has a steam room. He has like a jacuzzi room that is fucking as big as the studio. It's an enormous jacuzzi room, but it's built like an old underground mine.

So you have like exposed beams and lanterns, like old timey lanterns that are hanging. That sounds unreal. Oh, it's sick. Because he's like a fucking redneck with insane amounts of money. He's got insane amounts of money, and he's got this fucking ridiculous house that he's built up there. Where is it? Is it here?

It's in Nashville. Oh, Nashville. With this amazing view. Amazing view. I was up there. Why did he do the what house? Because he's a fucking animal. Like, why not? He's like, I don't give a fuck. what house? Because he's a fucking animal. Like, why not?

He's like, I don't give a fuck. That's hilarious. He's a wild dude. The setup was incredible, though. I mean, he has a golden shower, like a literal golden shower. You walk off the master bathroom. He's so happy to show you all this shit, too. Off the master bedroom is the master bathroom,

and the master bathroom has a giant shower that has gold tile. I mean it's like literal gold. He's a golden shower. The entire shower is gold. Everything's gold. It's not fake gold. It's real gold. No it's real gold. It's fun. Like he thought it'd be fun to have a golden shower. It's like when you give a fucking 13 year

old kid a hundred million dollars and you say Bill whatever the fuck you want. I want a golden shower, bitch. I want everybody to know Kid Rock's got a fucking gold elevator in the middle of his house. It's hilarious. He's such a nice guy.

He's so nice. Kid Rock is a really friendly guy. He's a fun guy to hang around with. How old's Kid Rock? What a character. I guess he's around my age. I guess he's around my age. How old's Kid Rock?

He's a fucking character, though, man. He's just, his whole place, he's got a church on his property. Oh. Yeah. Is he a church guy? No, no. He's turned 51. 51?

So he's a little younger than me. He's got this giant, he bought this big ass piece of land. He's got, you know, fucking hundreds of acres up there. It's just a huge chunk of land. And he's got a fucking church on his property. Oh, shit. He's got a billiards hall like you go to his house it's like it says billiards and it's like a giant barn and he has multiple tables but no he had one table but it's like it says like it's got it's just it's just play he's got play everything's play he's got like rangers that you drive around those like atv vehicles does he live there full time or that's

his party house or something? I think he does whatever the fuck he wants, man. I mean, I think he lives there sometimes. He lives other places sometimes. Kid Rock is preposterously wealthy. He's just preposterous. He's been doing these arena shows his whole life. Really?

Kid Rock was famous when I first came to California. When did Kid Rock burst onto the scene? Around 99. Yeah, okay. So I first came to California in 94. So you've got to think, 99. So Kid Rock has been balling out of control since, let's say 2000. Let's just say 22 years of doing arenas.

Each arena, he's getting a piece of the bar, because Kid Rock is smart. He has this deal where he gets a piece of the bar. Metallica, he knows how to do it. Well, it's also like, you're going to sell out. You're going to have a Kid Rock show. It's going to sell out. It's going to be a bunch of fucking drunk, crazy rednecks

going, Kid Rock! And they're going to come see him. Imagine how much they drink, too. Bro, preposterous amounts of money. So he's been doing that for 22 years. And the only time he probably stopped touring was during the pandemic. So all these years, he's been selling

out these massive venues. I never really knew much about Kid Rock, but I like him now. You've got to stack millions upon millions of all those album sales back when you could actually sell albums. Yeah. You had those. So you're selling platinum albums back when you could sell.

So you made a shit ton of money then. And then touring money. Hmm. Merch, all that shit. He was in Joe Dirt. He was in Joe Dirt. He's got some great songs too, man. He's got a great song with Sheryl Crow, like a ballad.

Like, he's got talent, man. He's an interesting character. He's a fun guy to hang out with, too, man. Maybe you can set the fight up now. Tommy Lee, Kid Rock. I think they probably buried it. They buried their problems. But Elon Musk wants to fight Putin.

Have you seen that? Yeah. I offered my services. Oh, that'd be sick. Who's winning that fight? I said, dude, I will arrange all of your training. I go, if you really do fight Putin, I said, I'll arrange all your training. This world's crazy enough for that to happen.

How epic would that be? It would be so fucking epic. I would bring Firas Zahabi in. I would bring Firas Zahabi in from Montreal to train Elon Musk. Goddamn, that would be amazing. And what do you think? Are they fighting full martial arts or are they doing boxing? I would say martial arts.

You'd have to do martial arts. Yeah. You'd have to like an MMA fight. Yeah. I mean, it's 2022. You know, fuck the boxing. That's where the money's still at in the boxing though, isn't it? Well, Elon Musk is a strange character because first of all, he's a very big man.

Like he's not small. And Putin is smaller than me. Elon is quite a bit bigger than me. Elon is probably 6'2". Right. And he's big. Yeah, seems like a big guy. He's a big guy.

And he apparently, according to him, he had some match with a world champion sumo wrestler back in the day for fun. And he fucked his neck up, like throwing this guy outside of the ring. But he actually defeated some world champion sumo wrestler. What? Now, if anybody else who is a billionaire told me that, I'd be like, fuck you. Shut up. Yeah, Richard Branson. But he's not a liar.

And he's also, he's so fucking smart, he might be able to figure out how, fuck you. Shut up. But he's not a liar. He's also, he's so fucking smart, he might be able to figure out how to do it. Imagine that, he just finds the mathematics of figuring out how to fix someone. Elon Musk with a fucking sumo wrestler. That shit was real. So he really did have a match

that's real. Is there a video of this? It's a smaller sumo wrestler. I imagine he would have tweeted the video. Bro, some of the world champions are, well, smaller. The guy looks like about 300 pounds. Yeah. But some of the best guys have been smaller guys because they're stronger and faster. Like, you know, there's like different schools of thought with sumo wrestling.

One school of thought is like get the biggest, heaviest, strongest guy with the most amount of mass. And then the other one is get a faster guy who has better technique. Yeah, right. Who maybe knows some other martial arts outside of Judo like sumo or rather outside of sumo like judo or something like that. Have you ever been to a sumo wrestling match? I have not. I would be interested though. They're treated like kings.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what you strive for, to be a sumo wrestler. They had a sumo wrestler fight Hoist Gracie in Pride. Aki Bono. Aki Bono fought Hoist Gracie, and Hoist Gracie armbarred him. Really? Yeah, man.

It was a wild, wild fight. See if you can find that. That would be more interesting than watching Elon. Aki Bono fought Hoist Gracie. Hoist was probably outweighed by 200 pounds oh my god yeah it's crazy and they wind up going to the ground hoist gets him an armbar and taps him wow jujitsu jujitsu yeah it's pretty it's pretty awesome that was uh when hoist had left the ufc and and then he had fought quite a few times in Pride. He had a few matches. Hoyce is such a bad motherfucker.

What year was this, does it say? So look at the size difference, man. Look at the fucking size difference. That is crazy. So Aki Bono fucked up here. He got on top of Hoyce, and this was the big mistake. He just thought that somehow or another, because of his mass, he'd be able to control Hoyce. But hoist is sneaking out the back door because he's got an under hook on the left side So he sneaks out the back door and they get standing up again

And then hoist throws a low kick and immediately goes to his back on purpose because he recognized that Aki bono's just kind of lay on top of him. You also got to recognize that when someone is that big their cardio is bullshit There's no way that so hoist gets he gets like what you would call like bullshit there's no way that so hoist gets uh he gets like what you would call like um um omoplata control on the left arm so he's gonna use his right leg on the left arm now he locks up the omoplata so now he's in a shoulder lock position he rolls it over and gets a straight arm bar right from here this is fucking amazing so this is actually this isn't yep it's tapping right there so that was like a combination of a shoulder lock and an arm bar at the same time. Fucking amazing.

Hoist Gracie. So that is, he's in the middle of, I guess it is more of an omoplata than it is an arm bar, but he had both options for him. The way that position is, that's the shoulder lock omoplata position, and he also had the arm bar, straight arm bar position. He's took down a guy 200 pounds bigger than him. Well, heoplata position. Right. And he also had the arm bar, straight arm bar position. He took down a guy 200 pounds bigger than him. Well, he's just smarter. Just a great strategy.

You know, like throw a kick and fall to your back. And the guy just instinctively, he didn't really know how to fight. He was just a sumo guy who would push people around. He went on top of him and thought he would punch him. And then Hoist ties him up. You know. What was that for? Like just some exhibition fight?

No, that was a fucking fight in pride pride was an enormous uh organization oh that was in there was the rival to the ufc and they did a lot of freak show fights they did a lot of fights where they would have someone outweighed by hundreds of pounds and uh that was one of them they did a lot of those fights they had a lot of crazy fights because they like j Japan, during the day, had some of the best fights. They had arguably the best heavyweight of all time, Fedor Emelianenko. He was their heavyweight champion. And they had Minotauro Noguera, who was arguably the best heavyweight jiu-jitsu fighter of all time,

who was their champion at one point in time, too. And at one point in time, Noguera fought Bob Sapp. Bob Sapp was 370 pounds with abs. He was one of the biggest guys I've ever seen in my fucking life. Sorry, I'm trying to clear my throat with the cough button. But Bob Sapp pile-drived him and fucked up Noguera's neck essentially for the rest of his life. Like he had neck problems for a long time after that because Bob Sapp picked him up.

And Noguera's like 240. Bob Sapp picks him up and pile-drives him. Like drops all of his weight. Watch this. I'll play this. Because Bob Sapp was so big, he looked like the final character in a video game. He didn't look like a real person. Mike Tyson's punch out.

Dude, he did. Go to the beginning of it, though. Go to the beginning of it, though. No, no, no. The beginning of it, it's like you see the two of them. I have to find a different video. You see the two of them facing off against each other? Hold on.

That's it. So this is Bob Sapp. Look at the size of him, bro. Look at the size of him. He was so big. And Noguera, at the time, was the best. Look at the size of him. He was so big. And Noguera at the time was the best heavyweight jiu-jitsu fighter we had ever seen. He was the heavyweight champion in pride and widely regarded to be the best heavyweight on earth at the time.

And Noguera shoots in on Bob Sapp. And right away, Bob Sapp picks him up and pile drives him on his head. I mean, this is crazy. Is this straight away in the first five seconds? Well, he doesn't want to stand up with the guy. The guy's so much bigger than him. He wants to take him to the ground. Look at this, though. Boom!

I mean, literally drops him on his fucking head. The head is the first thing that impacts it. His neck compresses. And his neck was fucked for a long time after that. But that's how tough Noguera was. And still is. I mean, Noguera was, was like one of the toughest of all time. But anyway, Noguera, I think it made it into the second round.

Noguera snuck out the backside, got on top of him, and eventually gets him in an armbar and submits him. And it was crazy. But by all accounts, Noguera's neck was fucked forever after this. And it only makes sense if you look at that impact. I mean, that had to herniate some discs. But it's just Bob was so big, there's no way someone could be that heavy and they could keep their cardio going.

It was just almost impossible. But Noguera's so good at jiu-jitsu and was one of the first heavyweights that had a real legitimate lethal guard. Because a lot of the bigger heavyweight guys, they're more used to being on top. Because a big guy like Noguera, you know, in a jiu-jitsu class when he's learning, is more likely to be the guy that winds up on top because he's heavier. Look at Bob Sapp tries to stomp him. Because in pride, you could stomp people. you could do soccer kicks to their head when they're

down. They had different rules. So he gets him in an arm bar, almost gets him in a triangle here, but then they go to the ground and then when they go to the ground, this is the like, I think this is the final exchange, when he gets him in the ground he eventually gets him in an arm bar and he taps. And I was watching it with my friends from Jiu Jitsu and when Noguera got him in an arm bar and he taps. And I was watching it with my friends from Jiu-Jitsu. And when Noguera got him in that arm bar, we jumped off the couch. We were like, yes!

Because Jiu-Jitsu was supposed to be the martial art where the smaller, more skillful man could beat a larger, more powerful foe. And that was always like what you would think martial arts should be, like in the Bruce Lee movies. But in reality, big guys most of the time fuck up small guys. Until jiu-jitsu came along. And when Hoyes Gracie showed in the early days of the UFC was that jiu-jitsu was so technical

and there was so much advantage in knowing jiu-jitsu. Oh, here it is. So he hits this switch here, and then he gets him on his back. And then when he gets him on his back, Bob's half is exhausted. He couldn't believe that Noguera was still fighting after all this time. And then he locks up this arm, and then he throws

the right leg over, and he gets the arm bar right here. And we were watching, and it's like, oh my god, he's got it! Oh my god, he's got it! And then he separates the hands, Noguera separates the hands here, and Bob taps. Look at that. And we were like, oh, my God, he's got it. Oh, my God, he's got it. And then he separates the hands. Noguera separates the hands here, and Bob taps. Look at that. And we were like, yes! Yes!

Yes! Noguera was a hero to the jiu-jitsu world. What year was that? Oh, my God, I want to say 2003. 2002. 2002. Shit. Yeah, man.

I don't even know if I was working for the UFC back then. There probably wasn't a lot of Jiu-Jitsu around, and now it's in every second. There was still a lot, because after Hoist Gracie had won the UFC in 1993, Jiu-Jitsu schools erupted. In Southern California, there was a shit ton of them. Because when I started Jiu-Jitsu in 1996, there was Carlson Gracie, there was the Machados, there was Hicks and Gracie, there was Hoyce Gracie and Horian Gracie had a school in Torrance. There was a lot

of jiu-jitsu. Yeah right. It had already blossomed because it was so effective and because of Hoyce's victory in the early UFC's it had like it opened people's eyes to this martial art that was so much more effective in these situations of individual stylists versus individual stylists. Now everybody knows jiu-jitsu and everybody knows kickboxing, everybody knows Muay Thai, everybody knows everything. To be an elite martial artist, you essentially have to know a little bit of everything. But back then, these guys were specialists in the early days of the year, like 93.

And the specialists, like these judo guys, thought, I'm going to go beat the jiu-jitsu guy. And the boxer thought, I'm going to go beat the wrestler. And we got a chance to understand what was the best. And early on, before people learned jiu-jitsu, jiu-jitsu was king. And it was king because of that guy, because of Hoist Gracie. Really? Yeah. And Noguera was a direct descendant of Hoist Gracie in terms of like the effectiveness of jujitsu being applied against bigger, stronger foes. Do you think most of the UFC fighters these days come from jujitsu backgrounds?

No, a lot of them come from wrestling. Some of the greats come from wrestling, John Jones, Daniel Cormier. Some of the greats come from wrestling, John Jones, Daniel Cormier. Some of the greats come from kickboxing, like Stylebender. You know, it's like they come from all kinds of different places. They come from all kinds of different styles. And there's no, like, it's more about the athlete, what they're capable of doing, their experience, their technique, their strategy, the kind of cardio they have, their ability to implement their game plan. It's more that now than it is just one individual style because everybody knows everything.

Like the elites of the guys that you see today, when you see someone that's like truly exceptional, they're generally good at many things. Yeah. It's such a strange thing that you have to work your ass off and get your face punched in for 10 years before you can even have a chance to go into the UFC and getting on the big stage and making money out of it and stuff. There's so many people that just do that sport for the fun of it or the love of it or whatever. I got plenty of friends that do it and they're not in the UFC. Yeah, there's that.

People want to learn how to fight. There's a little bit of that. But then, you know, there's exceptional people that, for whatever reason, they have an ability that's above and beyond everyone in their peer group. And there's a guy now, Hamzat Chemaev. Hamzat Chemaev has had four fights in the UFC. He's been hit twice. What? Dude, he's been hit twice. What?

Dude, he's undefeated. He has more victories in the UFC than he's been hit. And I'm not exaggerating. Shit. He's so fucking good, it's terrifying. He's so good, it's terrifying. He is the future. If he can maintain this standard of performance as he faces different competition, and we'll find out very soon, because he's fighting Gilbert Burns, who's a world champion jiu-jitsu guy, top of the food chain MMA fighter, a guy who's been in there against Kamaru Usman, a guy who's beaten guys like Damian Maia, a guy who's beaten Tyron Woodley.

He's beaten elite, elite fighters. He's a big, big step up in competition for Hamzat. But if Chamayev can beat him, if he can beat Gilbert, he's the real deal. And we're going to find out. Because the competition that he's faced so far has not been anywhere near the level of Gilbert Burns. Gilbert Burns is absolutely elite he's a fantastic striker he is as good on the ground as anybody he's so good his jiu-jitsu is so top level his wrestling is excellent his cardio is excellent he's a fierce competitor

and uh and he's a world-class fighter he's like proven world-class competitor so that's a big fight and that's coming up next I think thatclass competitor. So that's a big fight. And that's coming up next. I think that's in Florida. It's a big fight. Jacksonville. Yeah, it's a big fight. I think I'm coming out for that. You gonna be for that? Come on, son. Let's hang out. Yeah, let's hang out. Let's party. I would be hated by everyone who loves UFC

because I've got to do, I've got to sit next to you and watch the sport and I've got no fucking idea what's going on. I love it. I love watching it. And it's such a great spectator sport and I love seeing the passion that everyone has for it, but I don't know shit. You love it. That's all that counts. I like watching it.

All that counts. It's great. If you sat there and hated it, then people would hate you. Oh, fuck that. You could be a fan and not be, you know, technically proficient. No, it's a great spectator sport. I've been to so many UFC events. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck's going on. There's nothing, it's a great spectator sport. I've been to so many UFC events. Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck's going on. There's nothing like it when you're seeing it live. It's live. It's so crazy. It's such an amazing sport live. I got to see McGregor come up and stuff because, you know, it was just so interesting to see that. And everyone was talking about it.

We were in Vegas for a fight and the press press conference got 1,000 Irish hooligans, and everyone was like, what's going on? And they were all chanting and stuff. Because I'm from Australia and we party the same way, I knew that they were all just partying and stuff. But people were scared in the Vegas casinos because they'd come through and they're like, oh, what's happening? Well, they took over the casinos.

I remember Mandalay Bay, there was a scene where the entire Mandalay Bay casino, like there's this hallway when you're headed to the shark reef. You know that area? I was there. It was filled with Irish people singing. I was there. Singing. And everyone was terrified. I'm going, they're fine. They're singing. They're having fun. They're drinking. They're not interested in fighting and stuff. But could you imagine if you were like a UFC fighter and you got caught up in that and they all wanted but could you imagine if you were like a UFC fighter and you got caught up in that and they all wanted to take the picture with you oh yeah like you would never get home no because you're never getting home no that's like Randy Couture trying

to make his way here Randy you're a fucking legend I'm drinking with it for three days and they just capture you and take you in a van somewhere proper 12 Jenkins. That was before Proper 12. Yeah, look at these fucking people. I was there. I was watching that. Jesus. They're all singing a Conor McGregor song. He's got a shoe in his hand.

Why is that man holding a shoe? That's MGM. That was, I think, was 94 when he beat Jose Aldo? That's MGM. Yeah, it's in MGM, but what was the victory? What fight was that? I wonder what fight that was. Aldo?

Oh, that was the fight because that was when he won the title. Yeah. That was when he knocked out Aldo. Aldo? Oh, that was the fight because that was when he won the title. Yeah. That was when he knocked out Aldo with one punch. Yeah. Fuck. He said he was going to knock him out with one punch.

He literally said. He did. He said, he'll be too aggressive. He'll be too aggressive and the left hand will catch him. And he got him.

And he did it. Fucking perfect. It was Mystic Mac. That was the early days when he was calling, he was saying the round that he was going to beat people. I know. And it was awesome to watch. Yeah, man. was calling, he was saying the round that he was going to beat people. I know.

And it was awesome to watch. Yeah, man. You know, he's talking about fighting Kamaru Usman. Like, ooh, be careful what you ask for. Really? Be careful what you ask for. Usman is a big man, and he is top of the food chain right now. That's the best pound-for-pound fighter alive is Kamaru Usman. And he's a

natural 170. You gotta remember Conor McGregor won the title at 145. Fucking hell that's small. And then he went up to 155 and he knocked out Eddie Alvarez. He became the champ champ. So he's consecutive. Concurrent. Holding two titles concurrently.

And then he fought at 170 but he fought Cowboy Cerrone who's a natural 155 pounder. And you know no knock on Cowboy. And then he fought at 170, but he fought Cowboy Cerrone, who's a natural 155-pounder. And, you know, no knock on Cowboy, and Cowboy's beat a lot of good 170-pounders. He's an elite fighter. But Usman's a different thing. That's a different peak. There's no oxygen at the top of that mountain. That's as good as it gets ever at 170.

I would put Kamaru Usman up against any 170-pound fighter that's ever lived. I mean, I'm not saying that he would beat Georges St-Pierre. I'm not saying he would beat all of them, but he might beat all of them. He might be the best it's ever been at 170. He's as good as they get. He's got ferocious knockout power. He's elite at wrestling. Nobody puts him on his back.

Colby Covington got a very quick takedown. Daniel Cormier called it a takedown. He's a world-class wrestler. He says it's a takedown. I say it's a takedown. The only guy that's ever taken it. But it was very quick. And Usman right back up to his feet.

What about Khabib? The wrestling, well, that's a different weight class. Oh, it is. Khabib's 155. See? Me being an idiot again. No, I'm saying you're not an idiot. You just had a question.

But Kamaru is as good as anybody has ever been at 170. And he also has one-punch knockout power. He knocked out Jorge Masvidal with one punch. And Jorge was thought to be the striker in that fight. Kamaru was thought to be the all-well-rounded fighter who's a great striker and a great wrestler. But you would think that if the advantage existed for Masvidal, it would be as a striker. And then Usman shut the lights out with one shot. Just the cleanest right hand I think anybody's ever thrown in the history of the sport.

Pulled out of it. That must be a good feeling. Pulled out of it because it was so clean that Masvidal was unconscious as he was going down. And his face bounces off Kamaru's shoulder. Oh, shit. Like as he was going down and his face bounces off Kamaro's shoulder Oh shit Like as he's going out. Watch this, cause it's so clean Watch this Look, his head snaps back, watch his head

Oh Like he just goes out Look at that. I mean And listen to us scream, screaming like little girls. Me and DC were screaming. It was crazy because you would think that Kamara would have an advantage in the fight overall because he's the best. And they fought before, and he had dominated him in a decision. But Masvidal had his moments in the striking. But Kamaru is so good and so dedicated and his mind is so fucking strong that he got so much better in the striking that he knocked him out standing in the next fight.

And he's still getting better. He's still getting better. The strong mind is the key? It's everything. The mind is that. Well, you have to have the body. Because if you have a strong mind, a bullshit body. Yeah, right.

There's nothing you can do. But Kamaru has both. I mean, look at his body. I mean, give me a photo of Kamaru's body. I don't want to ride the jock. But too late. He's about as shredded as any man. Let's get up pictures of blocks.

I want to see some shredded dudes. He's got as good a body as you could ever have. I mean, he's fucking shredded at 170 pounds. I mean, look at him. Dude. Look at that picture where he's pounding on his chest. That one over there when he's pounding. Look at that.

Come the fuck on, son. It's like Terry Crews. He's fucking jacked. And he's about perfect for 170 in terms of his dimensions. He's just tall enough, just strong enough. There's a thing where all the pieces have to be in place, especially in the UFC because there's so many weight classes. But the space in between the weight classes is so big.

The gap between 155 and 170 is 15 pounds. That's a lot, man. That's a lot. I'm 15 pounds overweight right now. That's a lot, man. That's a lot. I'm 15 pounds overweight right now. That's a lot. You're talking about 15 pounds of lean muscle and bone. Imagine 15

beautiful cowboy cut ribeyes. That's the advantage that Usman has. Power. It's not like he's slow. He's got great speed. To be a great fighter, all the pieces have to be in place. You have to have amazing genetics.

You have to have a superior work ethic. You have to have crazy discipline, and you have to have a mind. The strength of the mind is so important. The ability to overcome, the ability to figure out what to do in times of peril. When things go sideways, how do you adjust? What decisions do you make? Whether you have any give up in you. Some people have a little give up in them. You just have to find what's that threshold. And people have made Conor give up. They've made him tap you know he's tapped nobody's

made usman top except one time one time the second fight of his career he got caught in a rear naked choke and he got tapped out but you know he was new he's beginning you know it was like tap or nap like take a choice he got caught he got caught in a rear naked choke and it was perfect and you know anybody's ever been caught in a rear naked choke when it's perfect you know like you're not getting out and he wasn't good enough at jiu-jitsu at that time to get out but since then he smashed everybody he's done he was the guy that when he was running through opponents on his way to the title everybody was calling everybody out i want to fight this guy i want to fight god they never said his name nobody said kamaro's name nobody's like give me usman like what people

would go what the fuck are you saying? And was he sitting there going, how come no one's calling me out? I need these fucks. 100%. 100%. I need these fucks, you pussies. Come on. I would talk to him when I would interview him after fights.

He was calling everybody out. He was the nightmare. That's his nickname. He's the Nigerian nightmare. That was what he really is. He was the nightmare because everybody was like, let me get to the title before he comes there. Let me get a taste before he comes in. He was the nightmare because everybody was like, let me get to the title before he comes there.

Let me get a taste before he comes in too hard. Just give me a piece. Shit. There's guys that are so good. They're so good that you really don't know who's going to be able to beat them. And with Kamaru,

the guy in his division is Hamzat Shumayev. So that's Hamzat Shumayev. Hamzat has four fights, destroyed everyone. He's undefeated in his career. I mean smashed people. See if you can find a highlight of Hamzat. Smashes people.

And he's from Chechnya. He's a wild motherfucker with his crazy beard. And after the fight, he's like, I'll kill everybody. I'm going to kill everybody he's fucking terrifying man and the people that train with him said bro you've only seen a fraction of what this guy's capable of his work ethic is unstoppable like give me a give me a rewind before that this is gerald mershardt he smoked him with one punch first first punch of the fight smokes him i'm telling'm telling you, man, this motherfucker is wild.

And he's like, I kill everybody. I kill everybody. But everybody he's fought. His last fight, he fought Li Jingliang. He grabs him, picks him up, and brings him over to Dana White. So this guy, he just beat the shit out of him and stopped him. But I want to see, and this is one of the guys that's only, this is one of the few times he's been hit. And, like like these, they count these as punches. Like, look at this. He's getting

controlled. And this guy from his back reaches up and kind of punches him a little bit in the face. And they counted that. But scoot ahead to Li Jingliang, because that's, that's one of the scariest ones. Cause he reaches in, he picks him up and he carries him over to Dana White. And they don't have that on? This was probably an earlier highlight before. Yeah, this is, because Dan Hardy's there. He picks him up in the beginning of the fight, drags him over to Dana White, he's talking to him,

he's like, I smashed him up! I'm going to smash him up! You see this, Dana? And he slams him on the ground. See if you find Hamzat versus Li Jingliang. No, just go Li Jingliang. Jingliang. There it is right there.

See right there? That's it. That's it. That's it. You just pray the beginning of it because it starts with a slam. The fight is so fast. He reaches in at the beginning of the fight and just... Oh, it's not the actual fight.

Yeah, because the UFC pulls these. So he shoots in on him, grabs a hold of him right away, hoists him up in the air, and walks over to Dana White while he's carrying this monster. So this is it right here. Look at this. That's so disrespectful. He picks him up. He carries him in the air

and look, he walks over to Dana White. He's like, Look, Dana. He picks him up. He carries him in the air. And look, he walks over to Dana White. He's like, look, Dana. I smacked. He smacked. He throws him down. Look at this. He's not even paying attention to the fighter. He's not even paying attention to him.

He's having a chat with Dana. to the fighter. He's not even paying attention to him. He's having a chat with Dana. Now, this guy is, you know,

he's several fights away from fighting Usman. Because if you look at it realistically, right now, I think Leon Edwards is next for Kamaru Usman. I think Dana White

has said that. I think that's right. That's the best fight. Leon is a spectacular fighter, super technical, super high level. That's going to be a great fight.

They fought once before. Kamara won a decision, but it wasn't like he didn't destroy him, and Leon has gotten substantially better. So has Kamara. That's a great fight. That will be next. But if Kamzat can keep going, if he can get past Gilbert Burns, and that's a big if because Gilbert's a big step up,

but if he can maintain the level of performance we've seen from him sometime up until now, rather, in the Octagon, that's a big step up. But if he can maintain the level of performance we've seen from him sometime up until now, rather, in the octagon, that's a big fight. But there's a lot of ifs there. The sport is – look, he got really sick with COVID and kept training and almost retired because he's so tough that he tried to keep training when he was recovering from COVID and got like his lungs were bleeding. There's a picture of him where he posted on Instagram that he's going to retire. And he showed a photo of his toilet bowl.

And the toilet bowl was filled with blood, like splattered blood from him coughing blood into the toilet. No. No, from COVID. COVID. He got COVID. He was one of those guys that's just like too tough and kept training. Didn't recover. Like he got COVID and was like, fuck it, I train.

Even with COVID, I fucking train. So he kept training while he had COVID. And he was coughing blood up. And it took him a long time. He was in the hospital on multiple occasions. More than one time he was in the hospital for COVID. Because he would get better. They let him out of the hospital and he would train again. And then he'd get back in the hospital. They're like, what the

fuck are you doing back here again? Like he wouldn't, he wouldn't just recover. So he's just an animal, just a complete animal. Yeah. Right. But super technical too. Like an elite wrestler, fantastic striker, work ethic, second to none. So it's going to take someone like that. And again, he's got to keep going. He's got to beat guys like Gilbert Burns. He's got to beat world-class fighters for him to legitimately have a shot at the title. But if he can keep going, what a story that is. And that would be an epic fight.

And again, there's a lot of ifs. Does he have the time? Is he getting old? No, he's young. He's good. He's young. How old is Hamzat? I think he's in his 20s. Shit. Yeah. And I think Kamaru is 34, I believe. I believe Kamaru's 34. Kamaru is trying to fight Canelo Alvarez. He wants to get that big money fight with Canelo Alvarez, have a boxing match. Of course. Everyone wants a big money fight. I do.

Yeah. I mean, that's, I mean, you know, I support him in that. I want, I want Camaro to make a hundred million bucks like, like Conor did with Floyd. So he's 27. Yeah. Amazing. He's a fucking animal, man. And he fights at 185, fight at 170. He doesn't give a fuck. He's, he's a terror. He's a real terror. Who do you think would be a good matchup for you to fight? Nobody. Nobody? No one.

No one. What if there was a celebrity fight like Van Damme back in the day? Bro, I fucking worked out today. I hit the pads and my knees hurt. I'm done, dude. Oh, bullshit. I'm 54. I'm not fighting anybody.

You can fight someone. Come on. We'll get you in Kid Rock. Oh, bullshit. I'm 54. I'm not fighting anybody. You can fight someone. Come on. We'll get you in Kid Rock. Oh, settle down. If I got Kid Rock down, I wouldn't hurt him. I would just choke him. I like him too much. I like his golden elevator.

I don't want to. All right. We've got to wrap this up. We're three hours plus in. Oh, good. Glad we did this, my friend. Thanks so much for having me. Great times, Monty.

Great times. Let's do it again. Yes, please. Monty Franklin on Instagram, Twitter. I don't do time. Let's do it again. Yes, please. Monty Franklin on Instagram, Twitter. I don't do Twitter. Never even been on there. Good for you.

I know, fuck that place. Fuck that place. Instagram, Monty Franklin. Instagram website? MontyFranklin.com. I got some shows coming up. Tours, where are you at? Denver Comedy Works,

my favorite place in the country. Wendy's been nothing but awesome to me. She's the shit. Shout out to Wendy. Yeah, she's the best. I got Bray Improv coming up. There's shows on there. Nice. Beautiful. Come and see me. Yell some shit at me. It'd be great.

Yeah, Denver's fucking such a great place. She's been the best to me. That downtown club is... There it is right there. Comedy Works. South. That's the big place with the balcony, right? Yeah. It's a great room. They're both great. The downtown room's great too. I've been working for big place with the balcony, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's a great room. But they're both great.

The downtown room's great, too. I've been working for Wendy forever, since the 90s. I love her. Love her to death. She's the best. And she treats the comedians so well. She's the best. I even do, when I do the big theaters, I do it with her.

Yeah. I'm doing the Belco. When am I doing that? Why did you choose to do that and not the arena or something there? I don't know. April 30. Because I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember.

You probably like that theater. But it's four shows at 5,000 people, so it's like, that's just as fun as doing an arena. Is that what that is? 5,000? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Theater shows are fun. Oh, that's, it's a great theater, too. So we're doing, that's Duncan Trussell, me, Tony Hinchcliffe,

and Hans Kim. Hans Kim's going to open that bitch up. Oh, unreal. We're going to have fun. All right. My friend. Thank you, man. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye.