The Joe Rogan Experience - #1796 - Ali Siddiq

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Ali Siddiq is a stand-up comedian, writer, and community advocate. His most recent special is "Ali Siddiq: It's Bigger Than These Bars," filmed live at Bell County Jail in Texas.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. What's happening? What's happening? How are you? Good to see you. Man, good to be seen, man. Glad you're here. You were telling me about the gauntlet you've been running with masks. Oh, man.

I don't know if people know. It's harder for people that's in the business right now than regular civilians if you're doing any type of work. You mean show business? Show business. Yes. Because they want a mask on you. As soon as you finish delivering your lines, they want you to put that mask back on.

Before you go to makeup, they want you to. Man, it's insane. Is it standard, though? Is that like every production? That's every production. Really? They are masked up. But it doesn't have to be a good mask.

No, it doesn't have to be a good mask. So it's just a gesture. You could use your sleeve, just cover your face. Just long, long stuff that's over your face. Can you have a bandana like a bandit? Yeah, like you could just pull up, just put, you don't need your shirt. Just put your shirt over your face. Oh, it's so stupid. They need you to just pull up. Just put your shirt. Just put your shirt over your face. Oh, it's so stupid.

They need you to have the mask. And I understand people catching. I don't know if people believe as much as they did. Like, I'm willing to cross the line a lot now. Once I knew how COVID was, it's like I had COVID in the beginning, like full fledged. You had it longer than anybody I've ever known. I've never known anybody who tested positive as long as you did. It was like 30 how many days?

32 straight days. That's crazy. When I heard negative, I was like, I was so elated. Like what? Negative. I was so elated. Like, what? Negative.

And I think once I've had it, and I had the full blast, like the shotgun to the face when it was new. They didn't even have a vaccination. Didn't nobody know what to do. No medicine. No medicine. No tricks. You couldn't even listen to people who didn't even know what they was talking about. They didn't even know what to say.

Like, man, I don't know what to do. I can make up something, but I can't even really. I don't know. The bleach, when he said the bleach, it was like, eh, possible. I was in that room long enough to be like, yo, if this lady leave this cleaning supply bucket by me, I'm going for the bleach.

I'm taking it. You never know. You never know. She can work. So, now, any variant I hear about now, I feel like it's weak. Like, okay, come on. Come on. Come on, new COVID. They are weak now. I got the new one.

The new one was nothing. It was nothing. I couldn't believe it was COVID. I came in here. I had a snuffly nose, and I was saying to the nurse, just joking around, maybe I got it. Maybe I got it. She's like, you're not going to fucking believe fucking believe this you're positive I'm like what I go this is COVID this is the new COVID it's so weak the new COVID is like the new NBA it's like the new NFL

it's like so soft like yeah it's like, okay, LeBron. Hey, I'm not going to say he's not going to end up being the greatest player, but it's still going to be that if you didn't play against the bad boys or the Knicks, I'm still doubting your toughness. Like, I'm still going to doubt it because basketball is soft now. You can travel. I watch most people. You can travel? Oh, my.

Have you watched basketball lately? Not lately. Yeah, oh, my. Have you watched basketball lately? Not lately. Yeah, oh, watched basketball. What's going on? Everybody takes, you know, standard basketball. Right. How it was invented. It's like once you catch the ball, you have two steps and you're supposed to be in the air.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Let's give, just for showmanship alone. Oh, we'll give you at least six. Come on. Oh, man. Really? The Joker, yesterday he got a bounce pass.

It was like step, step, step, and then jump. Like, that's travel, sir. But it was an open dunk. Give it to him. LeBron travels all the time. Really? Everybody who you think is great, if the referees, that's why I don't even, if somebody complains to a referee, I'd be like

really? He's let you get away with like 19 bank robberies and he called you for one. And then now all of a sudden you're like, man, are you insane? But if it was old refs remember the old white guy that everybody used to get mad at, but he was a real ref. Hey, that's a foul.

You can't do that, sir. That's a foul. Hey, so do that, sir. That's foul. Hey, sir, you took 24 steps. What you want from me? But now it's like, oh, flagrant. I hear cursing, sir. But you are. I let you travel.

I let you push that man down. I let you DDT a man. I let you DDT an actual human being, and I never called anything. Sir, you were hanging on the rim. You went in the stands, ate popcorn, came back. I never called anything. This is a flagrant.

I don't follow basketball, but how come rims stop breaking? How come the backboard stop breaking? Because remember Daryl Dawkins? Oh, that was him. He'd jump up and smash those things. The game was over. It was glass. They're not glass anymore?

No, it's plexiglass. And then they had these, you know, remember when Shaq, Shaq pulled a whole, like Daryl Dawkins broke the glass. And you know, he's a big man coming up. But Shaq,

he brought down the whole entire rim, like the shock system. Like he came down. And then they reinforced all that. They got better. They're like, no. Have you seen Shaq lately? I haven't seen Shaq. He looks great.

In person in probably about five or six years in person. The last time I saw him in person was probably eight months ago. But I saw him on the internet yesterday, and he looks fucking great. He's getting a six-pack. Shaq's lost a shitload of weight. He he looks great he's getting a six-pack shaq's lost a load of weight she looks great six-pack he's got a six-pack how old is shag 50. oh yeah i gotta do it now i gotta do it i'm 48 i know i've been trimmed all the way down six-pack gotta be next because i can't let shaq have a six pack ever in his life and me not have one right now. You should see it. Find the pictures of

Shaq lately. He changed his diet. Stopped eating bullshit. Works out every day. He trimmed his body down. He looks good. I hurt my hand so it didn't stop. You see how that knuckle is like? This knuckle is way up. Look at him.

Look at that. Stop. You see how that knuckle is like? This knuckle is way up. Look at him. Look at that. You can see it. Yeah, it's coming. I mean, it's not.

But look how big he look, though. He's so big. Shaq look diesel. Oh, I got to go in. I think there's pictures of him that look better than that. I know. I got to go in now. Like, I thought I was going in, but I'm about to definitely go in.

Yeah, there he goes. Looks pretty fucking good there on the right. That may be Photoshopped. That looks a little fake. Yeah. That one looks a little fake. That's why I was trying to be careful where I was looking. His face not matching his body.

The ones that I saw was him working out. Oh, it was that image down there. You see the image of him doing the chin up in the lower left-hand corner? Right there. See that? Lower left-hand drop right below that. Below that. To the right. To the right. Do you want him doing it right there? Click on that. That's what it was from the New York Post. So it had

all these images of him looking. So he quit eating sandwiches and quit eating bullshit. And so they had all these images of him working out. He lost a shitload of weight, though. Yeah, he put no knives. He had. Everywhere.

Got to work with sponsors. Oh, yeah. Dude, I was watching you work out. You can box. I got a little something. You can box. I was watching you throw your hands. I was like, he knows what he's doing.

Got a good trainer. How long you been doing it? From, I don't count little, because that's what old men go back you know when I was younger um so we're gonna say a year just back in the in the gym trimming down getting back in it and start because I wanted to fight Cat Williams so bad like I really yeah man I just really wanted to just... Why'd you want to fight Cat Williams? He did some shit and then when he said that he was a person that

started celebrity boxing, and I said, cool. Since you started celebrity boxing, nobody's ever seen you fight. So since you started, why don't you fight somebody who wants to fight you? Like he said, he called out Kevin. I think Kevin will win too, but why don't you fight somebody who wants to fight you? Like he said, he called out Kevin. I think Kevin will win too, but why don't you fight somebody who want to actually fight you?

And that's the difference. Like I would fight anybody who actually wanted to fight me. No problem. Let's fight. Especially if I want to fight you too. But Cat, I got a problem with Cat. I just do. What's your problem?

Some shit that he did, man. I don't like people not being a man. When you got something to say to me, just say it to me. Don't do no shit like telling people I can't come in the arena. And I just performed. And you holding me out the arena? What? And they paid me outside?

What? And then you never talk to me about it. But the problem I have with that is when somebody was in Shreveport and somebody was about to fuck you up, I intervened. I didn't let you sit out there like that. I intervened. How did this all get started? So what happened, I'm performing with Cat in Houston at the NRG Arena. We do two shows, two different days.

And then the second day, I go outside to see one of my friends named Ghetto. He outside. I'm talking to him, so I get ready to come back in the arena. The people, the security at the arena they all locked arms and i'm walking in there like ollie we can't let you back in the arena like what i'm in my hometown like y'all know me like there's people who know me like i can't let you back in the arena but my stuff's still in the green room like first of, I don't know what's happening. Like, what happened?

Let's go to that part. Like, why can't I come back in the place that I just walked off? Like, what's going on? So Carl, this guy who works for Cat, comes in and he's talking over the people. Like, he's talking over their shoulders. Like, Cat say he don't want you back in the arena. And now I'm like, who the fuck is cat to tell me I can't come in the arena They just worked in yeah like

But I but the thing is I don't know what the fuck is going on right? And you could come and say hey man. I got this type of problem xyz man if you don't mind I ain't got no problem with that a problem xyz man if you don't mind i ain't got no problem with that but you don't you can't direct somebody in my city to put me out like man do you know who the fuck i am like for real like for like this song like all the rest of that other shit out the way like do you know who the fuck i am like for real for real, for real. Like, in these streets. Like, that's the fucking problem with me. Like, and then you. But I don't understand. Like, what?

There was no dispute? No. You have no idea why? It's like me walking out of this room right now to get some water and come back in. And he said, Joe, say he don't want you back in the studio. So no explanation. But Cat's known to be crazy. Still to this day, I have no explanation for this shit.

He's a funny motherfucker. He is funny as shit. But he's known to be crazy. And it's part of why he's funny. I mean, he's just out of his fucking mind. It's like this. I mean, he's just out of his fucking mind. It's like this.

You can be known to be something that you're not. Not crazy. You don't think he's crazy? But when you do shit that you think that you don't have to answer for. Like, it'll be a space that we'll eventually be in. Like, this is the danger in this shit, because it's like this. Because I know better than to leave something fucked up in the streets.

I know better than that. That's like a street rule. You don't ever leave something unsettled in the streets, because you never know what that person, how that person feels about that shit. Benny Blanco from the Bronx. That's the people always got to remember in Kalito's way. You fucked up Benny Blanco and you threw Benny Blanco down them steps and all the rest of that. Cool.

And you remember me? Benny Blanco from the Bronx. It blew his brains out. I don't leave nothing unsettled in the streets. Not with somebody who I don't know what they capable of. But you know. You know. Like, you punched a kid.

Well, the kid got him in a headlock. I punched a kid. How old was that kid? 15? Like, 14, 15. I don't even want this shit to be, because it's just me. I'm not finna call no entourage. I'm not finna call no other people.

See, when you're not a man, that's what you do. You call somebody else to settle your disputes. I'm a man. Whenever you see me. It's confusing. It's like you don't even call somebody else to settle your disputes. I'm a man. Whenever you see me. It's like you don't even know what the dispute is. That doesn't make any sense. And that's the thing. You left it blank.

And you can't. That's what you can't do. You can't leave it blank. It doesn't make sense. You should have said what the dispute was. Ali, I put you out the arena for this reason. Understood. So you had done a bunch of shows.

How many shows have you done? This was just this. But you've done many shows with him in the past? Nah, maybe like four. Four? So just two days. You do, is this the second day? Mm-hmm.

And he says he doesn't want to be back yet. This is a Friday. We did a show on that Thursday. So this was a Friday. It was in February. Yeah, back in 2009. I still remember I've been places where I thought he was that and I be lined in the shitty wasn't it good see now I don't even I don't even feel is necessary for it to be I wanted for a

bag though like I won't I won't make some money doing it I don't like money is necessary for it to be... I want it for a bag, though. Like, I want to make some money doing it. I don't... Is there money in that? Yeah. Like, people are making good money in celebrity boxing? Man, fucking this dude,

I did some research, and this dude, he was in a boxing match with somebody. They ain't even real big celebrities. He took this shit on two weeks notice for $150,000 for a four round fight. There's goddamn a minute.

It's not even a real fight like that. Like a minute rounds. It's like a minute 30 or some shit like that. Hmm. 150,000 dancing, dancing. Danny Dave or some shit was his name. People get,

people get money for this shit. I'm like, I'll go in and settle a dispute for $250,000. What's the difference? Do you think Cat would do that? Once you said you started celebrity boxing, that's what... How could he say he did that? Is he joking

around? I don't know. He said that shit for real in a real interview. I started celebrity boxing and I'm like, oh, that's the ticket. That's the ticket. If you want to settle a dispute and you got some problem with somebody, take that shit to Triller or some

whoever want to buy it. And boom, you make the money like that instead of you having to be in the street and the shit being violent. That's how I see it. Get a bag for doing it well that definitely makes more sense makes absolute perfect sense to me but he's he's a small fella like he's not very large he's quite a bit smaller than you is he i don't know cat

maybe about five two five four five whatever you say yeah he's i'm five seven but he's like more he like he's not athletic either right he's i don't 5'7". But he's, like, more... He's not athletic either, right? I don't know if he... I don't think so. You know, he acts athletic. You know, and that's the thing. Street dudes where I was from, you know, in my age group, all street dudes was athletic.

Like, they did everything. Like, I don't know one street person that didn't do... He played everything. Like, baseball, basketball. Like, he did... If he couldn't do the shit well, he still knew how to do it. Right. But you can't be no street dude and be –

like, I know cats who rap right now that say they're street dudes, but you can't catch. Like, what type of motherfucker can't catch? Like, watch some of these new celebrity games. You're like, yo, what type of – growing up, I was rocking jock. And, like, B up, rocking jock. And like BVD can actually hoop. Like these are some actually basketball playing dudes.

Like now the new celebrity is like really not physical. Like they don't play outside. Do you remember they had that thing, Battle of the Superstars? Yes. It was like ABC, Wide World of Sports or some shit like that. They would have actors.

Why they don't do it no more? Because they're athletes. Worse than that. Like, this thing. Did you see 50 Cent throw a pitch? No. Oh, my goodness. It made the national news.

This shit was so bad. I feel like that's a setup. Anytime you go to throw a pitch, almost nobody looks good throwing a pitch. Is this shit like...'s a setup. Anytime you go to throw a pitch, almost nobody looks good throwing a pitch. Is this shit like... Here it goes. Yowza. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Goddamn. You talk about not having a father. Like, not even in the streets. Like, I played pitch with you. Damn, you talk about not having a father. Like, not even in the streets. Like, I played pitch with you.

I fucking love 50. But when he did that, I was like, you know something? I got my son up right there. Get your ass up. We going outside. We're going to play catch. You go over here. Damn. I know you six there. Get your ass up. We're going outside. We're going to play catch. We even, you go over here,

you tell, I know you six months. Get your ass up. We're going outside. Good Lord. Yeah, you don't want that video out there. There's so many people like that.

Fauci, you ever see Fauci throw a pitch? Oh my God. Find Fauci throwing a pitch. It's pretty, 50s might've been worse. Let me tell you, the other thing is, when you see people, Hey, watch Dr. Fauci throwing a pitch. 50s might have been worse. Let me tell you, the other thing is when you see people.

Watch Dr. Fauci. It's the same shit. He's got a mascot, too. Look at him, outside with a mascot. Dr. Fauci threw a curve pitch. Oh, my God. That might be one of the worst. And he's got a glove on, too.

He's got a glove on, bro. Why you got a glove on, bro? Come on. They not throwing it back to you. Fuck out of here. He waving off the catcher. I'm not actually waving you off. I'm telling you where to go. Go over there, because this is where the ball is.

Fuck me right there. Go where you don't catch your shit at. They're both throwing it in the same area. It's like something's drawing the ball to that. Some magnet of time. The worst thing, worst in pitches, what people don't get to see, because you see that on video.

Most people don't video. Have you ever seen somebody, a celebrity, they honoring them and they had a basketball game and they come out for charity to shoot the free throw

and I'm like damn I know them charities be looking like like why just say y'all don't want to give us the money just say

you want to give us a percentage of this shit cause who who is that oh my god Stevie Wonder oh what they wrong they wrong as shit oh that's terrible that's not right why would they do Stevie Who is that? Oh, my God. Stevie Wonder. Oh, what?

They wrong as shit. Oh, that's terrible. That's not right. Why would they do Stevie? That's not right. Them dirty. That better be a blind school where everybody's blind. Yeah.

When you blind, they should have like a array of goals. All over the place. They should have just goals like what's them drums like when you play and you play all the drums yeah they should have

that shit for the when you blind and you on a hoop they just put like six goals up there like hey you gonna hit something hopefully

imagine not knowing the distance of things though damn I just saw a guy blind playing golf what his dad lines him up and he plays no idea if if he's good he seems like he's not bad do you think he used to be see he used to I didn't listen to the video I was just

sort of like watching it oh no you didn't watch in person oh yeah no no Jamie plays a lot of golf but if you go on the internet Oh what's the um what's the the new dictator of North Korea you gonna like Kim internet, oh, what's the new dictator of North Korea? You're going to like this. Kim Jong-un? Yeah. What's his daddy name? Kim Jong-il.

Kim Jong-il. Okay. Kim Jong-il. I was having a discussion about Kim Jong-il. You're going to like this, whoever plays golf. Apparently, he was such an amazing man. And this is like Kim Jong-il. This is like in his official documents. Like this is the things that he done in his official

documents that Apparently with Kim Jong Il was born all the birds in North Korea started singing in Korean apparently I wasn't there I can. I can't verify or deny. I was there. Apparently, birds in North Korea, they can speak a dialect. Maybe Brooklyn birds rap. I don't know. This is what I know that people are going to understand.

Kim Jong Il, apparently, 11 hole-in-ones. First time ever playing golf. First time ever. golf first time ever I was reading this I know white men have lost their mind

if they ever read this shit 11 holes in one first time ever playing golf he shot 38 under 11 holes in one at the 7700 yard championship course

at Pyongyang in the very first golf round of his life according to North Korea state media. This was in 1994 when Kim was 52 years old. Even more impressive, Kim stood just 5'3", yet he was able to overpower a course as long as any ever played in major championship history.

Who knows how good Kim could have been if he had taken up the sport earlier. Who knows how good Kim could have been if he had taken up the sport earlier? Oh, can you find, can you go down and find in 2011? This man is amazing. In 2011, apparently, in court, in the official documents, he created and invented the burrito in 2011. And then when I was reading that, all the rest of that shit, I was okay with. Because I wasn't there.

But when he claimed that he created the fucking burrito, I lost it. I was like, what? What does it say? The video is not related to the headline. Oh, okay. Just the video is unrelated. Kim Jong-il invented this burrito. You didn't invent no damn burrito. I've been eating burritos all my life.

When was the burrito officially invented? It's got to be hundreds of years old. Came up with the burrito in 2011 before he died. Before he died of a heart attack. I found an old blockbuster movie because apparently I was having a blockbuster night. Inside that movie,

it was a receipt from 1999. On that receipt, I ordered a Taco Supreme, which they got rid of, which I'm still mad Taco Bell about that shit then and two burritos so that's the 1999 so how the hell did he invented two thousand I was pissed I say fucking your ill can you

imagine being over there and having to go along with that though they have to go along with everything over there like when he died they had to cry for days and days and days and if you didn't cry enough they put you in jail for six months they felt like you weren't crying enough they just put you in jail man imagine growing up there how are they how are they measuring your tears you have to keep crying. You ever see it? They're wailing, like acting.

Watch this. Watch this show, The People on the Streets. The People on the Streets are just wailing. Here they are. Look at them. They're just screaming and wailing. I don't want to be drinking nothing at this time because see they have to do this like they have to scream and cry i had this lady on yonmi park look at that you see the stone face man that's the jail right

yeah that guy's going to jail that dude's going straight to jail they probably found him that guy's going to jail. That dude's going straight to jail. They probably found him. That guy. Yeah, you're fucked, buddy. Them three. Ah, them four. Ah, little pack. That dude is looking sideways. He's like, what the fuck is going on?

One dude's like, hey, man, they finna arrest me. You know that, right? Because we not crying. Look at how they got old ass cars, too. They're taking them around like a 1979 Lincolnincoln look at that car that's ridiculous you imagine but that's probably the best cars they have over there like they're not inventing cars over there right i don't think that is an old ass car i had this lady yonmi park and and she escaped from North Korea when she was 13 years old. Made it to China.

It's a terrifying story. Terrifying story. She was basically sold into sex slavery. So was her mother. She was 13. Made her way through China and eventually got to Europe and eventually got to South Korea. South Korea eventually got to Europe and then to America. But it's a crazy story. Being in South Korea and going to perform for the troops

when they were still in an active, considered active zone, and the bus we were on, the street was right. You could see North Korea. You could see how their fences and all their military stuff and the guns were following our little van. Because it's like this street, you're going up into these mountains. And the dudes like, yeah, they keep an eye on us and we keep an eye on them. It's like this is the line.

And when we went to perform, it was like all these dudes were just bald-headed dudes. It's like, yeah, we in the field. So, and in the middle of my performance, they got cut short because they had to go back out or something. It was like, but you see the people who's in a quote unquote going into an active zone and performing. And this black lieutenant, she was like, thank you for

coming. She was over this squad. She was a real tough lady. She gave me this coin. This is a combat coin. Thank you, but we have to go. We appreciate it. That's how she was talking just like that. I'm not making fun

of her voice. Appreciate you. And they was gone. Like, damn. And as we was riding back, they're like, yo, man, this shit for real. And you see,

it's like you see it on the movies, but you don't ever see the actual rolls of razor wire laid on the ground and on the top and these spikes

that's up and the big ass guns and a tower and you can see them like damn and you and somebody escaped they got to go through that type of shit imagine if you were on like the del rio border and you see guns like the mexicans had guns pointed at america we got guns pointed at them how fucking strange is that area north korea and south and South Korea is nuts nuts That's nuts and one side is thriving making great electronics. Everyone's getting plastic surgery You've seen that right they all get their eyes done make they have eyes like this it's

The problem is it's too much black. So it's too, it's too accepted. It's everywhere. They do their chins. They do all kinds of shit over there. It's like, I think it's the number one place for plastic surgery in the world. Have you, is it good though? Like,

have you ever seen a great facelift? Like you ever seen somebody that had a facelift? You're like, you know, you know something? I'm not. That shit is good. In person is where it's a problem because there's so many filters on Instagram.

You don't know what the fuck is going on. You don't know. a problem because there's so many filters on Instagram, you don't know what the fuck is going on. You don't know. I mean, there's Jennifer Love Hewitt. That's her name, right? She had a video that she put up today where she was using a filter, and the filter made her lips look fat and thick, and she was just, she's like, this is crazy.

Like, this is not what I look like. And she's in the video. She's talking. You know what she looks like because there's a lot of pictures of her. Yeah. But then you see this video, and she's saying, this is not what I look like and she said she's in the video. She's talking You know what she looks like it's a lot of pictures over Yeah But then you see this video and she's saying this is not what I look like But these filters are available for basically anyone to use so if you seen a plastic surgeon Like look at that See the filter give you a big big fat lips and her face is nice and smooth

That's what these filters do now like it's AI they recognize where your lips are and they thicken them up they change your eyes and so if you see someone who has a really good facelift and it's on instagram like who like see the picture on the middle picture that's what she actually beautiful lady but that's what she actually looks like if you see some plastic surgery photos online like you, you don't know. The thing about them is when they move. Like, when people get a lot of fillers in their face, what's weird is when they start moving. When they start talking and this shit all looks like rubber. Yeah. I remember one time I was in the Brea Improv green room, high as fuck.

Like, way too high. Like, thinking, man, I might be too high to go on stage. Like, this is crazy. I went way too far. Because I was with Joey Diaz that that just happens it happens and I'm looking up and there's a Joan Rivers TV show on and it Joan Rivers used to have like a reality show yes and this was at the time I mean I don't know how far she went with plastic surgery but at the I mean I think she went back and forth with fillers and a bunch of different shit, but she had so much filler in her face that it looked like she was wearing a rubber mask.

And you could see when she's moving around and talking, it was freaking me out. It was just because I was like, oh, no. Like, what have you done? Like, what do you do? That's not good. Don't do that. There's a thing about when you see their faces move. Like, in person, when you see someone who's got, like, fillers and shit in their face, it's like, it doesn't move right.

It's frozen. It's not natural. It's like some shit, like some semen and putty shit in your face. It's like, Luke, okay, Luke Kim is not the ultimate. None of these people right now are ultimate to me Michael Jackson was the fucking problem to me yeah that's like you go too far it was no way for me not to be insecure growing up. If Michael Jackson was fucking with his face like this is who I'm like, this is Michael Jackson. Right. And I think Michael Jackson look better than me at this time.

I'm like, shit, I'm a young kid. You know, if Michael would have stayed regular Michael, then I probably would have been like, you know, all my shit is cool. And eventually I got there, but it was after years of thinking, nah, I'm not what I need to be. And then my daddy, seeing my dad when he got older, my dad was like, look, this is how a man's supposed to look. You're supposed to have character. All these wrinkles add character to your face. Everything's supposed to be right on your goddamn face. And so I stopped.

It's like going to get an edge up from a barber and they constantly trying to make both the sides of your head even and they keep pushing this side back to try to make this side of me. Eventually both of your shit is too wide and you'll be like what the fuck is wrong with my forehead?

Because somebody's trying to take something that's not even and try to make it even. Like, no, just edge it like it goes. If the shit, if it slopes up and gets wider, cool, that's how my face works. But I don't, I can't,

you can't cut, like your beard is, wouldn't match, my beard wouldn't match. My beard wouldn't match your face. If they took my beard and put it on your face, you'd have a huge open spot. Like I do. Like, my beard is like the goddamn Fiji's. You see a lot of dudes who get beard transplants now?

So, I don't trust no person. If you would paint some shit on. Have you seen James Brown that covers the sports? He has. Like the shit is not even natural, James. It's like black paint on your goddamn skin that you edged up. A lot of people are doing that now. And then that's the beard. The beard thing is weird though.

Man. Painting your face like that. No, tattooing your head That's weird too. It's weird like tattooing hair. It just looked like a hair follicle Like that's a that's a thing that a lot of people are doing now But why let's like woman's plastic surgery saw one where it was old Where like he had been the Sun too long and it you know it's sort of like Faded and spread out.

So instead of being tiny little dots, they spread out. Because look at my tattoos. The lines get thicker because they get exposed to the sun, and the ink sort of spreads out. That's what happens to the dots in your head. So it was like his whole head was like a blur. Instead of being crisp little dots, everything was blurry, faded it was it looked like madness

so what have you done to your head so he has a bad mexican prison tattoo on his head dang yes oh my god that's real james brown did the cut off and that mustache like cut the shit james whoa Whoa, that's real? That's crazy. Why James Brown just can't have his regular? Just shave your head, bro. Take it from a guy with a bald head.

He's got a good-shaped head. Take it from two guys. Two guys with bald heads. That's a good-shaped head. He's got a decent head. These guys with weird heads, like flat back, when the back of their head's flat, I feel bad for them.

That's a sad look. And guys who got the pug head. Like, if you got a pug head. A pug? Yeah, you know, like. Oh, yeah, like the wrinkly. Maybe James Brown got meat on the back of his head. I don't know.

But the front of your head has nothing't know but the front of your head has nothing to do with the back James they looking at you from the front nobody cause um I think Big Daddy Kane

got that on the back of his head um or some people may have it's a like a hair follicle disease thing like where you get this

these balls and you it explode in the back oh yeah I've seen that yeah it was in yeah you have follicles a mess. I've seen that, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you have follicles get infected or something.

I think you can get- They swell up. I think you can get that done. I think you can get something done about that. The hair transplant on the face is weird. Like when dudes get a beard transplant. I've seen a lot of that on Instagram. It's like, come on man, you just gotta accept your beard.

It is what it is, man. This is like, this is eight years of strong growth like oiled and everything like you can catch me by three o'clock if you chose to like your beard is way more you can cut your you can cut yours off and surpass me in a month this is like two days i think i think this is two days. It might be three. What's Wednesday? It might be three.

I think I shaved Monday morning. If I shave my beard right now and I come back next year, it'll just be getting to it. Really? Why do people care about that, though? Beards are a weird one. Dudes who can't grow beards. Dudes who have beards or can grow beards, a lot of times they just shave it.

But dudes who can't grow beards, they want a fucking beard. It's like being a kid. Like I shaved my face very early when I was a kid. Like I would just put the soap on there and I would just shave off the soap. But I had nothing. And, cause my dad, thick face beard,

he had, my dad had big, thick Whispers mustache. Scotty from the Whispers. And, man, he looked so Devon there. You know, when he would cut his face off and then he would have just his mustache. And then he would just do the beard. I'm going to do the goatee. It's like you had so much stuff he could do. He could look different all the time.

Yeah. That's true. it's just one naked face look. Then I got the Fiji Islands and then I'll, I've never, like this is,

I remember this lady in the airport saying, you know, I remember like how you have your, your, um, beard design with the little swoop in it. I'm like, no,

that's like, uh, open space, man. It's like, no, that's like open space, man. It's like it doesn't grow. That's barren land. Yeah, thank you for the compliment of my insecurities. It's a thumbprint, man. I can't.

And this side, it's not any better. It just connects thinner back in my face. So I'll just have I just I think floor Mayweather got a face transplant I think he got a hair transplant his his cheeks yeah oh shit Floyd because it wasn't until he was like 40 years old that all of a sudden he had a beard like he he always had, you know, like a little goatee, but he never had a beard. And now he went to Turkey, I think. They do a lot of them.

For some reason, they do a lot of them in Turkey. They, um, because they do them for the low and they do a, um, what is it called? Because my dude, one of my friends went over to turkey got his hair straight and he still think that shit look good i'd be like why do they do it so much in turkey istanbul and bullshitted you that's but that's what i don't understand like why would it be worth going all the way the fuck over there to do it i don't know i guess maybe you could hide while you're recovering yeah maybe don't nobody know you in turkey yeah you can sneak around but like women who women who get the butt

transplants or the tits and all this this done to you why travel to a foreign place and get it done instead like generally because it's cheaper. I don't understand botched. Why not just go... Oh, this is why. The average cost of beard transplant in Turkey is $1,900, which is a cheap option compared to other countries. That's why.

Beard transplant in Turkey is very popular for people from abroad because it's impossible to get the best beard transplant results at an affordable price in Turkey. can we just do a little math okay so we had 1900 us dollars compared to 15 000 dollars okay normally all right but that's like what about travel what about all that yeah what about track that's why i was gonna do some What about travel? How many days you have to stay? What about lodging? Now, this shit can sum up to about $15,000 if you've got to do all the rest of that. I don't know why they do it in Turkey, though. Are they just really good at it over there?

Is Turkey good for hair transplant? Click on that. Maybe they're using the Turkish hair. Turkey's become a top, but they can't. They have to use your own hair. Top destiny, your body will reject it if it's not your hair. I mean, it's the same with hair transplants. It's the same as organ transplants.

If you take an organ from somebody else, you have to take – like I have a friend who had a heart transplant, and he has to take all kinds of crazy medication to keep his body from rejecting the heart transplant. His body is very immunocompromised because this stuff that he's taking actually suppresses his immune system so that his body accepts the heart transplant. Damn!

Yeah, it's heavy duty. It's heavy duty shit. It changed his personality, changed his whole life. Do you know C.T. Fletcher? Do you know who he is? Yes. Very inspirational weightlifting dude. Yeah, that's him. That's him. C.T. Fletcher? Do you know who he is? Yes. Very inspirational weightlifting dude.

Yeah, bodybuilder. That's him. C.T. Fletcher. C.T. Fletcher had a woman's heart transplanted into his body. Damn! Yeah, so he's got a woman's heart in his body.

I used to watch his bodybuilding thing because he was... Ball benders, I think it was called um he had a bunch of iron addicts yeah a bunch of dudes on there they oh they was huge oh yeah no ct was a gigantic man when he was younger and and i always wondered ct fletcher look at that image the one right next to that one look at that the size of a man. And he told me he only used steroids once in his career, and he said he didn't like it because it killed his dick. Killed his hard-ons.

So this is all natural. It's all natural and hard work. Very inspirational dude. But since having the heart transplant, he's not just inspirational, but he's really compassionate and kind and he just says the second least on life and so he treats everything differently is he smaller he's pretty big he's still pretty big he's still pretty he's fucking jack still but now he's uh he's on a vegan diet all he eats is like vegan food he thinks that's gonna help his uh his heart his heart

situation but it's you know your body doesn't want another person's organ in there. It's tough. So I think that's the same thing with hair. I think if somebody tried to donate their hair to you, I don't think your body would accept it. It's like trying to buy ladybugs to put in your garden. That doesn't work? No? If they don't like it, they leave.

Oh, really? Yeah, you might as well just plant fennel in your garden because they like fennel and they'll come. Are you a gardener? Yes. Really? What kind of stuff do you grow? Everything.

I've tried to grow everything. I'm great with okra, tomatoes. Me and tomatoes have it. and it's not me and the tomatoes it's the environment in Texas in certain areas I didn't know once you got used you learn more about bugs because you have to because bugs destroy your goddamn garden like a caterpillar or what in my house where my house was. So I got this garden.

It's like 60 feet of just straight vegetables, onions, carrots. Carrots are in the bucket trying to do them on the ground. I have okra, squash, celery. Got a lot of stuff out there, onions, everything. onions everything it's a migration of these these worms that come through and they

they trying to nest turn into whatever moths or whatever they gonna turn into caterpillars so they come through in like a wave in like wild

they at like they hanging from the houses everywhere and they eat your whole goddamn garden up. They eat everything in their path besides grass. It's insane. So you go out there one day, you have a perfectly functioning garden. And then you go out in the middle of the night and your shit is nothing.

And you're like, what the fuck just happened? and you're like what the fuck just happened then it's these little worms that it's a larva that this certain moth lays on the back of your leaf and that shit eats all your leaves up

out of nowhere then it's these snails you think snails like eh but snails are the worst thing to have in the garden because they're going to destroy this shit. They eat holes through. You just start fucking hating insects because you're trying to grow something and you're trying not to use pesticides to put chemicals on your food

so you have to get things like ladybugs. Ladybugs kick other insects' ass, and you don't know that. Like, they're gangsters. Ladybugs are gangsters. And you get them, and it's these particular little haunted wasps that eat these worms, and you want dragonflies, and you want birds. You need birds to eat mosquitoes and flies to keep from around your garden. But then they're going to eat some of the ladybugs.

This is a whole balance of nature. And then you got to learn how things grow. Like corn is a freaky vegetable. It's a freaky starch. Corn, you have to plant it close because it likes bumping up against. That's how it fertilizes, bump up against each other. Okra, not so much. You can plant okra separate because of how it grows.

Cucumbers and squash, they bud. And then you got to know you can eat the flowers of It's all type of shit with garden man. How long you be doing this? probably I Don't count the key because that was my grandmother's garden So I've been gardening on my own for about you don't say about eight years So is this a trial and error like you started off slow? Everything is trial and error when you got it. Cause you got to call people.

See, this is another thing about, um, community. If everybody in your community is growing something, you're going to talk to each other. You're going, you're going to talk to each other about growing.

Like I, I can go to a place. Like if I go to a nursery, I'm going to ask somebody what they're going to do with that. What you playing with that? Like how you grow that? I'm going to ask. And they're going, what you got going on?

I've seen people make relationships out of just trading vegetables. Hey, you grow, you got enough room to grow sweet potatoes. I can grow purple whole peas. Let's, let's, let's switch that out. Let's, let's trade that.

And then we all can grow cucumbers and all these other things. But for some reason, you could only want to have a success with the sweet potatoes. So I invest in you growing sweet potatoes. Like I grew a watermelon one year and I thought I was doing pretty good. I had one good watermelon and like six bad ones that, because I didn't know that you had to put hay up under them once they start growing or they can rot at the bottom. How I find that out, I call my boy Raphael.

He lives in Shreveport, Louisiana. I call him and say, man, I'm having a hard time with these watermelons. What you doing? Talk to me. And then we all FaceTime. And he has a grocery store in the back. He's been growing for years. So his tomatoes are huge.

He got a lot of stuff going on. It's crazy. Tomatoes taste way better from a garden. Oh, my God. They're not even the same thing. I guarantee you, if one day you had time and said, hey, let's go to Shreveport and go to Raphael's backyard, you would just sit back there and just eat shit just out. Just like, just let me wash it off.

Yeah. Boom. And I didn't even know how many types of tomatoes there were, even though I love tomatoes. And when you grow them, how they grow, these grow at this time. It's insane.

But when you're growing something, you care a lot about your soil and what's in it and how it's growing. Do you compost? Yes. Do you? Yeah.

And you got to know that you don't want no bull manure in there. You just want only cow manure, calf manure. Really? Yeah. Because there's no nutrients in bullshit.

What? Really? Oh, is that why it's bullshit? Yeah, that's why it's bullshit. Oh, wow. But you knew that. No, I didn't know that cow manure if somebody trying to sell you something and it has just cow manure mixed with dirt that's good that's good go but if they if it got bullshit in it oh that's why it's bullshit like that's why bullshit is bullshit. Wow.

I've never grown a successful yard with horse manure. Maybe that's like men shit versus women's shit. Because if a woman shits and you walk in the bathroom and it blows out the bathroom when a dude shits, I can tell if a dude shit or a woman shit, pretty much. Yeah. Some shits are not not normal like some shits are not that bad some shits are like medium like regular even my own but sometimes i take a shit and i don't realize how bad it is because i'm in there with it and then i'll go outside and then i have to come back in the bathroom like what the fuck i don't. Because I'm in here with it.

Right? You're in there. I'm in nose blind. That's the thing about smelling things. You get accustomed to smells. Your olfactory senses detect changes in smells. That's what it's good for. That's why people that live in areas that stink don't realize that the area stinks.

People live near a factory or something like that. They have no idea. They have no idea. You're like, what the? How y'all living around this shit? In Amarillo, Texas, when I was in prison, they

have this distinct smell. If anybody lives in Amarillo, they know this goddamn, it's a slaughterhouse. Oh, that's the worst. It just went, it is the stinkiest shit in the world. It just it just with it death it is the it's nasty stinkiest shit like

My parents used to live in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania And I used to have to drive to visit them I'd come from New York to visit them and I'd go through this area Pennsylvania that's all slaughterhouses. It's all like cattle Slaughterhouses, and it's just a stuff. There's like a thick smell of death. It's like a ripe There's like a thick smell of death. It's like a ripe, just, it's a stench. That's the best word for it. It's a stench of death.

Like, oh, it just doesn't smell good. And these fucking poor people live there. There's a lot of houses around this slaughterhouse. Folks that work at the slaughterhouse, they have to live in that area. It's actually got to be in a skin. It has to be. It's everywhere. It's have to live in that area. That shit gotta be in they skin. It has to be. It's everywhere. It's gotta be in your breath. As you're breathing it in

and breathing out, you're taking in those little tiny stench molecules. This is the fact of the stench molecule. That is crazy about bullshit. I need to know

why bullshit is bullshit. I wonder what it is but i think it has to do with like like i said a man smell like my wife's shit i'm sure it doesn't smell bad good i'm sure it doesn't smell good but i've never smelled one of her shits where i confused it for mine i um damn i you know i mean i lived in the house with women like growing up and that's why i'm so particular about the scent of a woman like i know i'm not supposed to smell you like nothing that you do i'm not supposed to smell it because i never smelled my mom my sisters my aunts my cousins they i i know my boy because like you

say i know my boy cousins around them motherfuckers smell like outside and play and just, you gotta reap to you. But my, the women in my family are very particular about how they operate, so I'm a, like, I think I'd break up with you if I ever

smelt you do a number two as a woman. I think that, I think my fucking opinion about you just instantly changes. Like, seeing I can see a woman, this is dead ass where I am. I can see a woman who

physically looks very, very fucking attractive. Her shape is she got all the shit I like. Ass bouncing all her shit. If I look down and I see dirt on your heel, the heel of your foot, you automatically have a fucking yeast infection to me. Like, automatically. Like, if your fucking nail polish is chipped on your hands,

you automatically got a fucking yeast infection. Like, everything about you becomes disgusting because it's shit that I just don't deem womanly. Like, you're not supposed to have fucking dirt on your heel or your foot. Like, what the fuck are you doing

that you don't... Like, flip-flop dust is on the heel of your fucking foot. You're like... All your toes might as well be dirty. You're like a fucking...

You're a fucking lot lizard. Out of nowhere, you're a fucking prostitute. Like, I just deem you fucking reek. You ever see Dave's bit that he does about liking dirty white strippers with dirty feet? Mm-mm. He said he was going to open up. He likes hippies.

He said he likes hippies with dirty feet. He's just joking around. It's just a joke. It's a bit. But he's like, if I open up a strip club. That's what's gonna be There's gonna be a pile of dirt right next to the stage. You gotta step in that dirt before you get up there He's gonna call him strippies You know as you as you grow older Yeah, or you see things your tastes change. Yeah like

For you like I've never, I've only been with black women. So I don't have any other experiences to go on. Like, I don't know how it's, you know, like, you know how some people are white women are better in a relationship, or Asian women are, I don't know that to be true. I've only been with black women. I've only been in whether a good situation or in different situation or a very difficult situation only my kind so which i just i'm a human beings i just love human beings period but i never looked at gothic girls before

but i fucking loved them when I see them. Like, I just— The white makeup, the whole deal? The fucking— Black mascara. Tattoos and all that shit. You like that? I don't know why, but I am fucking intrigued.

If I see a gothic girl, I'd be fucking— If you got an exposed tattoo and you fucking look gothic, my eyebrow goes up. Like, hmm. And I know I done got bad, bad with this shit now because I was in, and they probably, these girls probably never even know that this happened. They probably never even told any friends. So I'm in, I'm doing a stress factory in.

New Jersey? In New Jersey. New Brunswick? New Brunswick. I'm doing a stress factory in New Jersey. New Brunswick. New Brunswick. It's a little restaurant, a little Hispanic restaurant, Latino restaurant right on that street, a cantina.

They got pretty good margaritas and they got good shrimp tacos. So I go in there. I'm sitting at the bar by myself getting ready to go to my hotel. And, you know, somebody do some birthday shots I turn around and it's like six white girls at a table is somebody's birthday and I just glanced my own having a birthday and then I glanced back it's six gothic white girls oh my god I can't i was like okay let me compose myself and i just kept looking just kept looking i'm like and i was looking at the different levels of the gothicness to them i was like damn and then this one blonde one got up to go to the restroom and she was so

gothic the big shoes and shit and everything. And I said to myself, I could send a round of drinks to them, because that's what a man would do. It was a bunch of gorgeous chicks at the thing. Oh, let me send them around just to be impressive. That's not what I did. I got ready to go. I ate my food, contained myself.

I ate my food, cause all these gothic girls cause they gothic I was just thinking they were the best and I just walked over I don't know what they bill was and I just put some money down and said happy birthday and walked out and I walked to my room

and they were very appreciative all at the same time oh thank you because you know one side of money pretty it was enough to pay for what they had

but I know that I'm I'm shifting towards gothic girls you're shifting yeah what started this

I have no idea out of nowhere it probably started with the the chubby, not overweight, but the chubby white cheerleader. Like when you watch softball, it's the third baseman. Like whatever she, third baseman always kind of stout, little heavy one. Yeah. I think it started with that.

And they're like, hmm. Interesting. You know? And you just developed a taste? Yeah. Never been with it. Right. But you're interested.

I'm very charitable to people. Like, I'm the person that if you behind me and you buying something I be in that mood I'm like yo whatever they getting I got cause you know we still be trying to pay back the universe but then I used to be very particular about who I used to do that with now

it's opened up to gothic girls it used to be old people children very very attractive black women. And now it's opened up to gothic girls. That's how I know. If you gothic and you standing behind me in line, you're going to get something paid for.

So is it just a mystery to you? I don't know. Is it just intriguing? It's like old white women with a certain haircut that ass has dropped. Like it's finally, they old. They like maybe 60. And that's who women need to be careful of.

Old, white, well-to-do women. You think that young women want to steal your man. Yes, they want to take your man and have a life with him. The thing, the danger in old women, they don't even want your man. They want to use him as a toy for a couple of hours and toss him back to you. they don't even want your man they just like they want to use him as a toy for a couple of hours and toss him back to you

they don't even want him so you gotta you gotta be you gotta be this old white lady told me that hey what would what would it cost

for your time I was like man cost for your time really and she wasn't even talking about paying like paying me like you know

what's the price of your time what do you need to do? Like, you need to go somewhere. We can, you know, like. She want to take you somewhere? Man, I'm like, I am, man, I'm not available to be out. And then she came around. She came.

They pulled her car around, and she was, like, in a Maserati truck. It's like a Maserati big shit. It's like, well, you know, I'm going to come back to your show tomorrow. You know what you're thinking? Zoomed out. I'm like, damn, I could be some old white lady's pool boy

that gets left in the wheel. I wonder how many of those are there because you know there's a lot of sugar daddies and girls who get paid. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of sugar daddies and girls who get paid. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of rich guys have girls. They pay for their apartment, buy them a car. Remember that dude?

Who was the dude? What the fuck is his name? That owned the Clippers? Yeah. He had a deal, right? Yeah. Yes, that guy. He had a girl.

He had that girl. All the shit went down with him. Yeah. He had a deal with her. He bought her a Ferrari, he got her a Bentley, he bought her a condo. It's a lot of women got that deal. Yeah, a lot of women got that deal, but not a lot of dudes got that deal. Nah, shit. A lot of dudes do not get their shit paid for by some rich lady that they fuck.

That's rare. I just want some old white lady to come give me a Rolex and say, this is for your time. I don't know. Maybe I'll cry. I don't think I can be a gigolo. And you have to do like, you got to touch everybody. What are you very particular about? I had a lady who did porno and she told me that.

She said, porno is not all people think it is like that shit is different like you got to do things and sometimes these girls body don't be fucking right like they oh they be having odors and shit and like it's like me being in the strip club i'm the person that's going to i go to strip club to in houston only really to pay homage to the streets that's going to I go to strip club in Houston only really to pay homage to the streets you know just to do something for the streets but

I don't want you dancing on me you can dance while I can see you but I don't want you actually on me don't be on me don't sit on me. Yeah, like, don't sit on me. Like, don't, this dance right there,

you're going to get the same money. I'm going to throw as much money as I'm going to throw, but I don't want you on me. And people are like, why? Until I go to a strip club where there's a full shower area, like the Lakers locker room.

That's what I would have. If I open up a strip club, you can best believe I'm going to... You're going to be like the fucking Lakers. Because you're in Showtime. The people coming to see you, cool. Yo, man, she has a place.

She don't have a long-ass table with everybody. She has a booth. You have the makeup lady. You have the nutritionist back there. You have the mom that takes care, that cleans everybody's shit, and you have a shower area. You have a full-ass shower where you can go, get your musty ass in that shower

And then come back out and dance on people fresh I don't want you dancing on me You done been in this shit Baby wiping yourself Get your ass off me No get the fuck out of here I don't want you on me I just don't

That's understandable Why would I let you You done been spraying this shit on your body that you ain't bathed off. And you put that shit on my clothes. I was feeling like some fucking brown. Whatever that shit is. They body spray. I hate that shit.

Like, don't. I hate it. Like, it just made me so mad just to even think of a stripper dancing on me. And you haven't taken a fucking shower. And you've been in this strip club for hours dancing on various people. Oh, hell no. Just disgusting and alone.

But I would have to have a shower for my strippers, for my dancers, for the league. I would call them the league. The league? You come there, if you dancing at my club, you can definitely hold yourself over other strippers. It's like, oh, you dancing at that club?

Oh, I'm ashamed of you. You can actually look down on other strippers. No, where you dance at? The league. I'm with the league. I would treat you so good. Are you going to open up a strip club, Ali? No, I'm not.

I feel like you have plans. I'm not, but I'm just saying. All gothic girls. Oh, my God. You know, my uncle told me this. My uncle told me this. He's a fucking nut. My uncle Mac.

My uncle Mac told me, you don't want to make no goddamn money. If you want to make you some money, let me tell you what you do. You get you a house. Six bedroom. Put you five chubby white girls in that motherfucker. Oh, gold baby,

million dollars in a year. I said, what? He said, man, do you understand everybody like a fat white girl? I said,

okay. And then if you go through, like, I watched The Best Little Whole House in Texas before I've seen that. I'm like, I can see it. I can see it. Like, that's the thing, too. That's why these people get these ass injections. A big ass on anything

looks, like, I know this, a bent over ass. Like, nobody can pass over. I don't give a damn how wide it is.

If it's bent over, you like, eh, I don't know who's it belong to. But it's decent. Isn't it weird that that's just

a genetic thing? Like, your body wants someone who has an appropriate amount of fat so they can take care of your children. Like that's the hip to waist ratio thing. That's why guys

like big tits because it's going to be able to supply the milk for your baby and then a big ass is going to like she's got enough fat supply on her body to survive the birthing process. I don't see this. Isn't that wild? It's a thing. But it's weird that that's our urges.

Our urges come from that. They're so easy to trick that we know it's... Like fake tits. We know it's a trick. It's not confusing, but you like them. Like big old fake tits. And to you... I think this is the thing with me.

I have a friend named Marcus D. Wilder. He's another comedian. He always say that I am the one thing man. It takes one thing for me to erase all your shit. You could be an attractive woman and hey,

I know your tits is fake. It looks appealing and then in my mind I know there's a scar somewhere. Like I know something. That bothers you? It's a fucking butcher knife scar down

the side or you got it cut up under but then if they stuff that shit in your nipple, I'm not going to be able to do it. Like I can see that bothers me. The nipple, I'm not gonna be able to do it. I can see that that bothers me. The nipple one bothers you. Then the feel of them.

I felt some that were the real thing, but then the scars there. And then I felt something that was like, do you know that you have cement in your chest? This is fucking gravel.

It has to be fucking gravel. Yeah, some of them are rock hard. That's weird. I don't like the fake asses at all. I just can't get into the fake ass at all. No. It don't come off your thigh right. Exactly.

It doesn't match your thighs. It don't match nothing. That shit is retarded. It's not good. That's why it's so weird. It doesn't match the legs. It don't match nothing. That shit is retarded. It's not good. That's why it's so weird. It doesn't match the legs. It looks like you're wearing a diaper. It's just weird, man. Well, it's weird that it became a trend.

What was weird was women who already had ass started doing it as well. And then younger people started doing it. Your body hasn't already developed all the way out yet. And then younger people start doing it. Your body hasn't already, has not developed all the way out yet. And you injecting

something into it? What are they doing? Because I know some of them are taking fat and they repurpose the fat. So they're sucking fat out of some part of their body and then they're filling

their ass with that fat. But other ones, they're using an implant. But fat burns. So they can't work out with the shit. Right. Like, I don't know. Maybe it doesn't last.

How does it work? I have no idea. Like, why you got fat in your face, you want your lips, but, like, I don't know. Like, I'm confused by any male. Probably men don't do it a lot, but men, it's mostly males

with confident insecurities. Why would you do that? How many men have a lip injection? Yes. Is that real? Yeah. Gay men mostly, right? Probably.

Probably. What's going on, Jamie? I saw a video recently of these three guys that had... They were together? Collectively. They're called like the Three Kens or something like that. They all spent a fuckload of money on all sorts.

Like $60,000 in shoulder implants, one of the guys said. Shoulder implants? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to find a picture. Are they gay or straight? I'm not going to make that judgment, Joe. Well, let me hear them talk. That'll solve it.

Because you can't tell if they're gay if you hear them talk, but you can tell if they're not straight. Because if you hear a guy talk, he can talk like me, but he can be gay. But if you hear a guy talk. Yes, we already know what this is. I don't even have to. Those guys are gay as fuck. 100%. Look how he's older than one. The one in already know what this is. I don't even have to. Those guys are gay as fuck. 100%. Look how he's older than one. The one in the middle had the most. He's had over a quarter million

in dollars, he said. Oh my God. Like from where? Like what does he do? Right, where's he getting that money? They don't say that. God, look at his face. That's crazy. Yeah, this guy's like 40s, I think. The one on the right, he's probably in his 30s and the young one that's on the left, he's just getting started. With the surgery? Yeah. Oh, his 30s, and the young one that's on the left, he's just getting started.

With the surgery? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Oh, what are they doing to his head? Oh, hair transplant. Yeah, hair transplant. But what they're doing to his face is weird. Like, look, his cheeks are poked out.

Like, his cheeks look fake. The thing is, like, there's a geometry to your face, like a natural geometry. Like, if you have a long face and a big nose, and then you get a nose job, and you got this long face and a tiny nose, everybody's like, what? Something looks wrong. Like your face. Aesthetically, you just don't like.

Doesn't line up right. When they start putting shit in their cheeks. Yeah, you got the first leg implants, it says. What? Multiple leg implants. Oh, my God. Oh, he's insane. He's definitely insane. This is an insane person.

Oh, God. Look at his shoulders. That's crazy. That's crazy. Almost a million dollars. $950,000 in... Where's he getting that money, man? On something that you could have just worked and got.

I think he has bicep implants, too. Does he? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Look at this doctor convincing him. You look great, Marvin. Marvin, I love this new face. 23 implants in total. That guy probably aches

like fuck when it rains out. Everything hurts. His shoulders, his biceps, his cheeks. Oh, God. He's like a plastic man that's the boyfriend that's what just there I don't know oh so they're cutting so he's probably scarred up everywhere oh geez look other stuff in those things in the legs and obviously it's getting

them more attention so they're like addicted to that probably oh yeah for sure that's a part of it this doctor looks crazy imagine that goofy looking fuck is the guy who's telling you. He looks like, goddamn, the doc from Back to the Future. God, that's insane. Thigh implants are insane. And look at that crowbar in his ear. Oh, God, that's so fucking sick.

Oh, look, he's got to trim it. Oh, boy. Six hours later, wake up, honey. You look great. Your lumpy legs. Your mom. his mom's got giant fake tits and look at in oh this is a reveal he's gonna show the legs tada let's see the legs oh they look weird before after Wow I mean that

picture it looks like he's got muscle, but not when it moves. Just do some squats, you lazy bitch. Leg muscles are not that hard to build. That was fucking hard to watch. I just don't understand. It's an addiction. They just want, you know, that's like body dysmorphia, like anorexics. They don't know what they look like.

They think they look good. They think they need to be thinner. they don't think they look like a skeleton i was botched i was botched um and uh this guy she's trying to look like a like a sex doll she's trying to look like a human sex doll and the man keeps telling like, your body can't take any, your tits cannot be bigger. Like, we can't give you anything else. And she's like, I want it. And if you don't do it, I'm going to go somewhere else dangerous and do it. And her dude is like, yo, I don't want her to do this.

He's like a Finland dude. I don't want her to do this. He's like a Finland dude from Finland. I don't want her to do this. But it was just disgusting. Like, it was more sad than anything. Like, why? Man, you don't know what you look like right now. Like, you have no idea what you're natural. It's like Lil' Kim to me.

Like, Lil' Kim, she was fucking perfect. Then she just fucked it up. Like, she just decided, yo, I'm going to fuck my shit up with this. And I guess it's some—man, I just don't understand that shit. I don't know what she looks like now. I haven't seen Lil' Kim in a long time. Man, Lil' Kim. What does she look like now?

Shit. Tell them to pull it up. Go to the tell of the tape. Shit. These make me sad because I see how people could go insane like that. They go insane like girls who think their tits aren't big enough. They want to keep going and going and going. It's a mental illness.

Is it not enough people telling you, Lil' Kim was fucking beautiful. Well, maybe it's an age thing, right? They get older. They just want something. Like, but what? Like, you. They lose their youthful appearance, and they want fillers and shit to fill their face up.

That's what a lot of it is with women. And it starts with the cheeks. Like, they start doing their cheeks, and their cheeks get puffed out because that stretches your skin out and that reduces some wrinkles so because they don't have to see the wrinkles anymore they think it's good I think it starts with makeup mmm I think it starts with you hiding who you are from the beginning and most people do it most Most women wear makeup. Most, right?

Do you know what I'm saying? Hopefully not. But if you had to guess. In America. I average. I put everything to America because I think everybody else. I was in Korea

and never seen a nail shop. Really? They don't do their nails over there? No, they don't go to the shop and do them. It's like I grew up, but I understand that because I grew up. My don't go to the shop and do them. It's like, I grew up, but I understand that because I grew up,

my mother never went to the nail shop when I was growing up. She always did her own nails. That was something that women, that was a woman taking time to pamper themselves because you,

this was a thing that we heard growing up and I still want to hear it and I've never heard this shit in my life outside of my mother saying it, my aunt saying it and seeing this shit on the sitcom. I cannot go out tonight because

I'm washing my hair. Washing my hair. I'm washing my hair and I'm getting ready to do it myself. Women don't do that shit no more. They don't? They'll go somewhere. They'll go somewhere. Imagine if women could no longer

wear makeup no women oh my goodness I would have it would be the best for me you like that? because now

it's the now it takes away the tricks yeah no more trickery no more because men can't do it

we don't have shit we don't got shit you gotta get a woman off what the fuck you look like. Exactly. Look like I can provide, I can protect,

and this is what the fuck I look like. Yeah. I'm Biggie Smalls. I'm goddamn KC, KC and Judge. This is what I look like. Fucking my head is warped.

My beard don't connect. I'm fucking crazy. Look, do you like me? Da-da-da. Like, that's all I fucking got. I'm fucking crazy. Look, do you like me? That's all I fucking got. I wonder how it started that women started. Because you know way back in the Cleopatra days, like Cleopatra was known for wearing lipstick and makeup.

So we know they wore it like in the hieroglyphics. You could see the women had makeup on. So I wonder when they started that shit. It was clay. It was like clay. She had a clay rouge on her back. Yeah, it was probably terrible makeup back then. There's a dark thing.

But clear as a fact, she looked good regular. They was like, oh, clear as a fact. Bam, I'm fucking regular. But how much makeup could they actually have? What was it made out of? It was like a dirt mist. Ground up herbs. Hey, I need you to bring the maiden in.

I need a clay dust mask over my face. Not too much. Let's try to guess. When do you think the invention of makeup took place? What year? Oh, shit. I know in Sumer there's images of earrings. So I know they had hoop earrings way back in ancient Sumer.

Okay. So I think we're going to take off henna. We're going to take henna out of being a sort of time of makeup. Yeah, that's more of a tattoo. take henna out of being a sort of time okay yeah that's more of a tattoo yeah but it was it was a it was a thing that they used to they used to do the design they would take it off and they that's why they would look the same all the time so uh henna we'll take that out it's kind of a kind of makeup though isn't it yeah that would be what they would yeah cle Cleopatra was used. Let's I want to say it's 5,000 years old That's what I want to say. I want to say makeup is 5,000 years old shit

I'm gonna say As as in today's time, I'm gonna give it Is Shakespeare 5,000 years old? No. Shakespeare was like, what, 1400s? 1400s. Is that right? Shakespearean times.

I'm just guessing. Sounds 15, 14, 14, 14. 14, 15, something like that. Sounds right. I'm going to give it the 1500s. Yeah, I bet he is. Oh, that's when you think? Makeup?

1500s? Wow. Roman times. Google says the first dynasty of Egypt, which is about 5,000. This is 5,000 to 6,000 years ago. 3,100, 2,900 BC. Okay. But that's...

Something called unjuant. What was it called? Unjuant? What? Huh. Unjuant was a substance extensively used by men and women to keep their skin hydrated and supple and to avoid wrinkles from the dry heat.

The earliest historical record of makeup. So it's this thing that Muslim men use up under our eyes. It's almost like a mascara. But it was used during the times when they were riding to glare out son But me and when we use it up under their eyes Like a football players put on their cheeks. Yes, but he was right up on tonight. Yeah, but

Hmm 5,000 years ago this Smithsonian's let me see Paint cosmetics, but yeah after the American Revolution, which is a big difference in time. Yes. I was reading something where they were talking about men wearing makeup. Like, men are going to start wearing makeup and base and stuff on a regular basis. I'm like, no. Try pushing that.

That's like, that goes, what's that? There's a lot of guys that do, though. I shouldn't say a lot, but that's been a thing since I was in a band. Like guys wearing different men's fingernail paint. Eye mascara. Touch up shit for pimples. The band thing is a different thing. Like guys who wear makeup in a band.

But we're talking about the guy at Target. Face full of base. How did that shit happen with bands when bands like poison they started wearing like mascara and eyeliner and maybe with full makeup maybe with kiss yeah but kiss was like costume makeup you know they had like stars over their eyes and yeah they they were i love kiss though jewish guys um maybe ozzy osbourne it wasn't a big difference though with like the, I like just colors instead of just black and white. They went,

you know, blue and pink and glitter. I guess. But Kiss, like they, what they did is they, it was a genius move. What Kiss did is they made it so that they were famous,

but they were also anonymous. Nobody knew what they looked like underneath that design. So they would go, I met Ace Frehley from Kiss when I was really young. I was like eight years old, nine years old, something like that. I saw him with no makeup on. My uncle was an artist. What was that?

He's Snyder. Oh, yeah. He's a very- Twisted Sister. Yeah, Twisted Sister. But not a lot of people were doing that. I mean, he looks like a clown kind of. But that was kind of theatrical.

But not a lot of people were doing that. I mean, he looks like a clown kind of. But that was kind of, you know, theatrical. So my uncle worked for Howard Marks Advertising, which was like a company that did the album covers for Kiss. So my uncle was an artist. And so he took me to work with him one day, and Ace Frehley from Kiss came into the office with no makeup on.

I was like, oh! Like for a little kid, it was like seeing Santa Claus. Like, what what this is what you really look like yeah it was kind of crazy it's like this is i think look at that look at poison i think that's so crazy what was trying to recreate that parliament era parliament was before yes yeah right that's true yeah we're kissing them it was like if you look up there you look Paul the Richard yeah little Richard this said George Clinton yeah and little Richard before it was before George Clinton yeah little Richard was wearing makeup before anybody and he was he was like the most famous guy who was androgynous before anybody you know

go go to like some old little richard shit and a lot of people forgot like rick james had a lot of androgynous to him he had those crazy high boots and yeah rick james did yeah that was one yeah look at that i mean come on this is little richard in like the 50s man yeah I mean come on look at that hair that's wild you know that song tutti frutti o Rudy used to be tutti frutti good booty but they said that's too risque yeah you gotta change those lyrics this damn show that's what it was Yeah. You gotta change those lyrics. It's damn sure too risky. That's what it was. It was originally Tootie Fruity Good Booty.

See if you can find the original lyrics for Tootie Fruity. Because they were like, no, no. Little Richard was a bad motherfucker. If you think about the kind of suppression that that guy must have faced trying to become famous with that act in America during that time. And he was so talented that they just had to let him go. Womp, bop, a loom, bop, a womp, bam, boom. They just had to let him go.

Tutti Frutti, good booty. If it don't fit, don't force it. You can grease it, make it easy. What the fuck is wrong with you? He's talking about butt fucking. Why did he think that was going on the radio? Why the fuck was Little Richard thinking about it? Because he was so wild. He was getting away

with so much. It's that new thing out. There's somebody trying to join the band. It was the 4th of November. that new thing out trying to join the band. This is me trying to It was the 4th of November. Bringing the horns. And everybody stopped.

Just think about the people that's playing with Lil' Richard on this fucking song. Tutti Frutti. Good booty. What's the lyrics? If it don't fit,

don't force it. If it don't fit, don't force it. You can grease it, make it easy. Those were replaced with tutti frutti, all rooty. Tutti frutti, all rooty. All rooty was a slang expression meaning all right. According to Charles Conner, Little Rich's drummer,

the original lyrics were tutti frutti, good booty. If it's tight, it's all right. And if it's greasy, it makes alright, and if it's greasy, it makes it easy. Oh my God. Why can't you say that? He's talking about butt fucking

in a song he's trying to sell to the radio. Hey man, they never played on the radio. Fuck all that. Tutti Frutti,

shit. Womp, bop, a loom, a womp, bam, boom. He was so interesting.

Tutti Frutti, good booty, a-loomah, I'm a womp, bam, boom. He was so interesting. Tooty fruity, good booty. It's greasy. Makes it easy. Don't fit, don't force it. God damn, Richard. Yeah, Richard was crazy as shit. I don't know what made him think that was going on the radio. Can you imagine?

Rudy, we just trying to get it on the radio. Fuck that. Fuck the radio. I need to express myself. Do you think that there's a recording? That's what, so I don't know. I'm looking at this. The story, it says, which might not be accurate, but it says on here that he was having the first recording session.

The session wore on. He became frustrated that his anarchic performance style was not being fully captured on tape. During a lunch break, he started pounding on the piano and singing a ribald song that he wrote and composed and had been performing live for a few years. And that's what this was. But

that's a Wikipedia quick explanation of the story. Oh. God damn. Who knows if it actually happened that way. You'd have to talk to him. Is he still alive? I think. What'd it say up there? No, but I feel like he looked and he died during the pandemic.

That's right. That's right. Oh, you're asking when Little Richard died. Yeah, he died in 2020. Yeah, I knew he had passed. He died real recently in May of 2020. Oh, you asked me when Lil' Richard died. Yeah, he died in 2020. Yeah, I knew he had past. He died real recently in May of 2020. Yeah, Lil' Richard. There's some dudes that just like,

they break through in such a way, they're so different than anybody else that it kind of changes the genre. It kind of changes the art form. You, shit. What are you talking about? What can I do? Yo, I'm not going to talk to you about it later,

but it was a couple things. So I'm doing a podcast, Godfrey's podcast, and you come up. And my take on things is always a little different. So they're like you Joe Rogan there Joe Rogan. What you think about Joe Rogan n-word? Okay, let's talk about it You know Joe Rogan, you know same thing that happened with Ari. I'm the closest person that they know To talk to like if so if I'm the only it seems like i'm the only black person that know joey diaz so that somebody else would know so i'm adjacent to ari then it's like

then when you came up with this i'm like i said well let's look at it y'all know me do I think Joe Rogan is racist No Well Ali Wait he Did he talk about it I say racist people Run from shit

And try to I'm doing this Talked about it Well you going on this show? You been on this show? You think you done it? I said, well, let me tell you this. Do you think it's about that?

Or do you think it's about Joe Rogan is running a fucking muck on media? Like, if y'all know how fucking leaps and bounds he is, like this, they say Johnny Carson level, like, you going on the news, Johnny Carson. No, when you look at the numbers of who people pay attention to, listening time, it's like

if we was racing and the race started in Texas, everybody else, Netflix, news stations, all the rest of it, whatever fucking talk show you can come up with. Everybody's in Austin.

They start running in Houston. They're in Austin. Joe is in fucking Oklahoma already. And y'all still trying to catch him. He's running a different race. People listened to him for a long time. Just the amount of time. So you changed the game

in a way that I feel like media attacked you all at one time trying to diminish something. Like, just throw everything at him at one time. Well, it's definitely that, too. Like, I saw it, and it was like... Nobody else would see that point. They just, they just like, oh, Joe, they doing this, they doing that. But why?

Like, and then I compared it to Fat Joe. I was like like I could see from every angle even with young white kids when they go to a rap concert they don't fucking edit the words

when they edit what's the Fat Joe comparison I'm finna get to it like Fat Joe has said the n-word to people

in the vicinity of people, whatever. I said, y'all don't ever get mad at Fat Joe. Because he's Dominican. I say, but just think. You can't explain that shit to my uncle or my grandmother or my Aunt Willa. My Aunt Willa don't give a fuck about what you think you're adjacent to. She's 106. She don't give a fuck about what you think you're adjacent to. She's 106. She don't give a fuck what you're talking

about. None of that registers to her that gives you a pass about you being Dominican or you being Cuban or you being, or you using a jet. None of that shit registers to her. So it's about who gets mad at what time. You're not finna fucking

take my feelings on something and try to make something trigger. I'm saying, do I look at Joe as Louis C.K. of Ricky Gervais? No, because if I ever ran into them, I'd snap the shit out of Ricky Gervais and fucking Louis C.K. And I got a problem with Chris, because I said all this shit on Joe. I got a problem with Chris sitting there as his this shit I got a problem with Chris sitting there As his fucking jovial Because Seinfeld wasn't Seinfeld was looking in the camera like

Are y'all fucking losing y'all mind Because his best friend is George Wallace So you using it You using it in a space And you fucking with people that It's not I say now we get to the gist of it. You got to understand how to explain shit.

That's just how people do. I wouldn't have sat there with Chris and listened to him, listened to fucking Louis C.K. and Ricky Gervais and worded up. I wouldn't have fucking did that. I say it's about how you, with people, they try to turn whatever they want to. You can't fucking use me to get your agenda across. That's what you can't do with me.

I'm going to ask the person square what it is. I mean, a person. Then I either I deny defend that person but y'all try to pick and choose shit that you can't

explain to across the board the shit you can't explain across the board you gotta go to that person that I understand

how things happen across the board you mean individually individually in context yeah you can't you can't defend

somebody without talking to them where they are based upon what somebody else said. Like I listened to a show the other day which fucking confused me because I understand words. If the mayor of New York said he doesn't want citizens filming on top of the art of top of the cops,

why are they trying to do their business? They just attack the whole thing. He never said that you couldn't film. He said he doesn't want you on top of the officers filming. Oh, what is on top mean? Who filming. Oh, what does on top mean? Who the fuck don't know what on top mean? But you're a journalist, so you're trying to create this atmosphere of bullshit that you don't know what on top is.

On top, and then they went to the Rights Act afterwards, the Film Rights Act in New York. It said a safe distance. Filming with your camera, doing a police thing, you have to do it said a safe distance. Filming with your camera doing a police thing, you have to do it at a safe distance. On top of somebody that's not a safe distance.

And then you're not even considering the other side. You're just riling people up about he's trying to stop filming. No, he's not trying to stop filming. But what if you're filming

and of course the altercation goes turn towards you and now you involved in the shit, and you get shot. Or I'm a cop. I end up shooting you or the person in the ship or stab. If you on top of me while I'm trying to do my thing, it's like being, you've been a referee before.

No, I haven't. No, you've been in the ring with the people who ref. Yes, yes. Is he on top of the action or he knows the balance of how to move out the way? It's like a football referee. And when they play football, they know how to get out the way. Does a normal citizen know how to do that? No.

So it makes sense for the man to say, I don't want you filming on top of the officers while they're trying to do their thing. You can stand back and do it. But when it's spent on media, it says that he's trying to don't film. He's trying to get rid of filming. He's trying to, all this shit is about filming. You know this don't say gay shit in Florida? Do you hear about this? No. this don't say gay shit in Florida? Do you hear about this? No.

You don't hear about this? They're calling this a don't say gay law in Florida with kids. They're pretending that they're not. They're saying don't say gay. So everybody's saying gay, gay, gay. I'm going to say gay because I support gay people and gay rights and gay this and gay that. But that's not what the law is. What the law does say is that from first grade to third grade, you can't bring up gender transition, sexual orientation, whether people are gay or straight. They say, don't teach that in class.

That's it. That's the law, which seems reasonable. You don't want an unknown person who's a teacher, a stranger, talking to your child who's six about sexual transitioning and gender transitioning and sexual orientation and gay people and bisexual people and non-binary people. Like, hey, hey, hey, that fucking kid needs to learn how to read and write and count and know history and normal shit They don't need to know about trans kids and that's not for you to teach. That's not your job. That's a that's a delicate issue to be handled by parents and loved ones and So people are freaking out and they're calling it the don't say gay bill. But that's not what the bill is. But if you say don't say gay, people freak out. Oh, Florida is just so homophobic.

And they're so backwards. Like, that's not what it says. It's not what it says. So this is what people want to happen. Let's not use the word normal. And I'm going to use the word in a natural reproductive society. You want my son to come to school and not want to understand. I drew a picture of my family and it had my mom, my dad, my sister's dog, and myself.

So I understand how I got here. These two people, her stomach was big. Then I fucking came out. Your picture, Rick, is two goddamn men or two women and yourself and some other children that don't look like you either. And you don't want my, you don't, you want me, you want. You want to, you want to send my son home to me. And you want me to fucking lie to him. About what, what, because my son don't understand.

If I, we have two dogs outside. It's both boy dogs. There's no puppy out there that came out. There's no fucking other dog out there that came from them, too. But over here, there's a female cane corso and this male cane corso. They had puppies. What do you want me to say to my son? What do you want me to say to my son? What do you want me to say to my son?

Do you want me to make sense of your shit? Or you want me to tell him the truth? Because he's going to get the truth, but you don't want me to tell him. You want me to send my son to school? Just like my son. I had to take my son out of school because my son does not tolerate the bullshit. Because he doesn't. Yo, he's in there in class like, yo, there's no Santa Claus.

I'm not drawing none of this shit. Yo, ain't nobody coming down your fucking chimney. Like, your son, the rest of the kids. How old was he? My son was like eight. Well, how old was he? I saw him I was like eight Well how old Is he supposed to be When you tell him?

I saw him It's like Yo man I don't Hey Just wanna let the class know Christmas is not real Got it straight from my dad

Just got it straight from my dad Showed me history All the rest of it And ran it down Yo Santa Claus is not real, little girl. And I had to get him. I had to get him out of school.

It was done. But if you have two guys and they have a kid, you could say they adopted the kid. They're married and they adopted a kid. You could say they hired a lady to have their kid. I have a gay neighbor that lives next to me. Why in the fuck does two men live in a house together with a kid

and they not his uncles he not understand that shit it's no you cannot explain this to this boy you cannot explain gay people to him

they don't cause now I gotta explain that this is not the way this shit goes that's what I'm trying to explain

I had to take my school cause my son is going back to school with, yo, your family fucked up. I just want you to know. Yo, your family's on some bullshit. Like, yo, your dad is a butt plug for the other one. Like, yo, fuck you. What you talking about, man?

Now you got to fuck. You got to take him out of school because of this? You got to fuck nature up for him Cause this is fucking up the course of life He does not understand Why you would have two moms Or why you would have two dads How you got here

Fuck all the rest of that How did your ass get here? I know people who adopted Cause he knows someone that's adopted They have a mother and they have a father. They have a brother. So he can't square off two guys living together.

Two guys and two girls. That shit doesn't match to him. How does... It's like... Also with gardening. You gotta think of this as a person who gardens. Two, I planted a seed in a place where it can grow. Where did you grow?

That's what he wants to know. Where did you grow? Well, that's what he was where did you grow well that's complicated uh we we had a surrogate and that surrogate uh gave birth to our child why don't you have a woman to plant your seed in well i don't like women but i do want to have children dad don't make sense to me. You're eight. And it don't make sense to his goddamn 48-year-old father. Like, either. And I know this is probably the most controversial shit ever in life to even be said. But I think that you can't have, you know, the shit that cake can eat it too? In my mind, it doesn't work like that.

You have to forfeit something in order to achieve something. Something got to fucking go. You can't have in order to be successful. I have to spend time away from my family to do it. So it's some things that I'm a mess. That's the sacrifice of the job. This is like first of the business. So if I don't want to be a comedian. That's the sacrifice of the job. That's the sacrifice of the business. So if I don't want to be a comedian

that's on the road, I don't want to travel into certain things that I can't do. I don't, I didn't have kids before I could afford them. If I wasn't going to work

to take care of them, then I shouldn't have had them if I if I decide that women not in the cards for me that's not what I want then I should forfeit the right to try to have a fucking kid too because you're not doing the steps to take to make a kid you're you're in a different zone now do that shit do whatever comes with that and a kid doesn't come a kid. You're in a different zone now. Do that shit. Do whatever comes with that. And a kid doesn't come with that because you can't make it naturally. You can't do what,

the shit that you're doing and the shit that you're about, that you accepted that you're about, is that now. I can't be a football player and keep fucking trying to run basketball drills. It's not, some of this shit you gotta forfeit.

So you think that if someone's gay, if they have a gay relationship, no kids. No kids. But what about if they adopt kids? They shouldn't have kids. It's not, you're not doing, you're not in a space for children but if they want to adopt kids you want to fuck somebody up you want to put somebody in a position to be

fucked up it's like it's like getting a dog but not having no fucking place for the dog to be you want you want to take a dog that never put him outside you put that motherfucker in a laundry room you put him in a laundry room in your apartment. And that's it. He pees on a mat. He pees in a thing. This is not a fucking dog no more. He's an animal in a laundry room peeing on a fucking mat that's in a kennel.

And he runs around your house. He has no idea of what it's like to be a fucking dog. So you think a kid who gets adopted by gay parents, you feel like automatically they're going to get fucked up? They're going to be fucked up automatically. Really?

You don't think that they can? I have a neighbor in California, and they had a surrogate raise their kid. They're two gay guys. And they mixed their sperm up so they didn't know whose it was. And they hired a lady to get pregnant. And they shot it in there. And the first lady wanted to keep the baby.

She's like, fuck it, I'm keeping the baby. And they, you know, they had to let her keep the baby because it was inside of her body. She grew it

and she was so attached to the baby that by the time it was born, she did not want to give up the baby. Exactly. And then they hired another one. And then the second one gave up the baby. And the kid, I watched him grow up. He was my neighbor for probably eight years,

somewhere around there. I was friends with the gay couple, friends with the kid. Kid seemed fine. He seemed normal. Come by the house on a skateboard, hang out. He seemed like a normal kid. Hung out with my kid.

He seemed okay to me. You don't think that's possible? You have a look on your face like there's no fucking way. Look at the look on your face. Okay. I try to be open-minded. When I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco in a very gay neighborhood when I was seven years old.

From the time I was seven until I was 11, I lived in San Francisco. And so I was around gay people all the time. We were in this area near Lombard Street, which is like the crookedest street in the world. That's where we lived. And it was just gay people everywhere. It was normal to be around gay people for me

gay people have been everywhere for as long as i've ever known but back then they didn't have kids no a lot of gay people that's true not a mad kid they weren't adopting kids they weren't adopting kids and not one of them not one gay person i even know to this date i even think is fucking responsible enough to have kids like i'm it's not like i don't know gay people i'm not i'm not against you being gay i'm against you being gay and having a fucking kid but don't you think there's a lot of kids out there that need to be adopted that no one wants to adopt because i think there's more kids that need to be adopted than there are people that want to adopt kids is that correct probably so it's probably a shit ton of kids that need to

be adopted is because kids need a lot of things but what you don't need is to be in another fucking chaotic environment with a fucking person who is doing some shit that that is different than what you do it's a it's called an alternative lifestyle for a reason. It's not knocking what you're doing, but you can't, I think people just want normal shit with, it's like, this shit is like having,

getting married and spending a lot on a wedding. And it's not the normal circumstances. The shit frustrates me to no end that men just get the fucking short end of the stick on everything because you just accept shit. So you have a wedding. The wedding costs

$30,000, $40,000, $50,000 but you paying for the wedding. Is that how the shit go? is that how it's supposed to go that you as the man are supposed to pay for your wedding that's how it's supposed to go or the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the way how is it actually supposed to go i think it's supposed to be the father of the bride is that how it actually supposed to go right i think so okay that's that's what i was taught i just want to make sure but a lot of times it turns out to be the bride or the husband the husband winds up but why is he spinning this shit just fucking bothers me you want a traditional wedding with untraditional circumstances this

shit is fucking stupid how's that untraditional like what is traditional is the father of the bride pays the family of this woman pay why are you going into some fucking sort of debt? Or why are you even spending any of your money on this shit? And you... It's just unreasonable to me. You have some very rigid ideas of what should and shouldn't happen. Why would... I've seen so many people spend a bunch of money

on a wedding and go back to the same motherfucking apartment that they was in. This, your, That's true. So,

It wastes a lot of money. You're not going, you're not supposed to, this wedding is not supposed to enhance. You're like, you're supposed to take a, you're supposed to go into debt,

you're supposed to take, Big debt. You're supposed to work your ass off to spend $50,000, $30,000 with a person that you're already sleeping with, that you got a child by. I'm done.

I fucking hated the idea that men get fucking sucked in to this happy wife, happy life shit. So your life is supposed to be fucking determined on this fucking emotional rollercoaster of an individual that you married to. And that's how, that's how your life is supposed to be happy. And she does a bunch of shit that don't make sense.

I paid for the wedding, but you, but it's your day. What? I paid, day. What? I paid for a wedding planner that don't know neither one of us.

I'm planning your last surprise birthday party. Why can't I plan this fucking wedding if I'm paying for it? If I pay somebody some money to plan my wedding, you better not ask me no motherfucking questions. You better be fucking telekinesic. You better know what I want. You better just fucking think of what I want. You better not ask me no motherfucking questions. You better be fucking telekinesic. You better know what I want. You better just

fucking think of what I want. You better not ask me shit. I better walk in and say, ooh, ice coach. That's just what I wanted. Don't ask my opinion on shit. Because I just don't understand. I'm paying for the dress. I'm paying for the shit.

It's an industry. What do I get? What do I get after I pay for all this shit? You get to be legally entangled. But to the same person that I already... And if you want to break up, you got to go to court. Congratulations. This shit is insane.

And 50% of it goes to court. 50% of it gets divorced. And you know what Chris Rock bit? 50% of it goes to court. 50% of it gets divorced. And you know what Chris Rock bit? 50% of the people, those are the ones that have the courage to leave. How many fucking cowards stay and suffer? That's true. If you had to guess, out of all the marriages, what percentage are successful? What percentage of the people are happy?

I think 15% of marriages in the United States are happy. I mean all Successful and happy 15 I bet that's accurate and about that 15 out that 15 5% of the people have decided I'm not going to care about anything else that the person does

I'm just going to just deal with them at home when I see them like fuck what you do when you wait for me I'm not

nobody can come to me and tell me anything I saw Joe with 46 prostitutes and everybody was naked. None of my fucking business. He wasn't doing that at his house. He didn't do it here. Not fucking in my business.

Ali had 37 thick white gothic strippers doing all type of weird shit. Do you have it on tape? No. Were you there? No. She's not hearing it. I'm content what happens here. And then the rest of them are, you know,

arguments here and there. You know, we're rebuilding. You know, that shit. It might be 20%. It might be 20%. I don't think 20% of America is happy with America. One out of five? Maybe.

Yeah. But it's not most. That's what's crazy. That's the problem. Yeah. Regardless of how off we are on the percentage, it's not going towards, it's not higher the other end. No way. That's just period.

What is the percentage of Americans who get divorced? Shit. 70, 80%. I want to say it's at least 50. At least 50. Let's guess. I say 50. I say 75.

70. 75. I say high. I say that number is fucking high. It's really, what a crazy risk if you stop and think about it. I think you already know the number. I don't even know how you. I'm guessing.

I think it's like 50%. I think it varies in different parts of the country. I think California is extremely high. I bet in California it's in the 60s. I think maybe in some rural land there's no divorces. You got to stay with your cousin. Make the bloodline strong. What do we got?

Make the bloodline strong. The first statistic is interesting is they base it off of per thousand. Oh. The marriage rate or divorce rate is the lowest it's been in a while, but it's like 17.9 per thousand. It still goes to 50% of all marriages

in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Researchers estimate that 41% of all first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. That's hilarious. If you're a three-time loser and you're still getting married, you've got a 73% chance it's going to divorce and you're still getting the ice sculpture.

I get it. A seafood tower. you got a 73% chance it's going to divorce, and you're still getting the ice sculpture. Ah! And then I get it. A seafood tower. You're still going all in with the band. There's at least three places with a higher divorce rate than the United States. Russia doesn't fuck around. Russia damn sure getting up out of there. Oh, my God.

Russia, that is wild. Russia quit. Vlog it off. It's over. Now, I think that's Russian men leaving. What highest crude divorce rate? What does that mean? Why is it crude?

It's crude. I don't know. The numbers are very strange on what they're, because then there's also like, now that there's same-sex marriages, there's like, one of these statistics, it's something about women getting divorced

at a different rate. Yeah. Married women is double that, but why wouldn't you know? The divorce rate per 1,000 married women is nearly double that of 1960 but down from the all-time high of 22.6 in the early 1980s simple like so is the gay marriages last longer I I'm just saying it's adding it changes it changes this that's assist I came to statistics yeah what about gay women I'm just saying it's adding, it changes the statistics. I can't even say it right now. Statistics?

Yeah. What about gay women? They can probably get divorced fast. That's a violent relationship. A lot of times. That's a very volatile relationship right there. I have a friend who's a lesbian who's telling me that there's a gigantic issue of domestic abuse. It's sort of like non-disgust in lesbian communities.

Because who you going to call? It's like lesbian communities because who you gonna call it's like a girl fight now like yeah my husband's with my ass and then sheila comes out because i was thinking that at least if you're a lesbian the domestic abuse is off the table you don't get domestically abused she domestic that's what i thought you thought she i've been i thought domestic abuse was just men i've been to a lesbian club before and seen them motherfuckers out there fighting after that club behind each other shit that's what you know

you'd rather break up a man two men fighting than two women fighting oh my goodness it's so vicious a lesbian fight is a vicious fight I would rather a lesbian fight is a vicious fight. I would rather, a lesbian fight is way more brutal than a gay man fight.

Really? A gay man fight is different. And I'm not saying gay men can't fight because I know when I was locked up, I always tell people about this story, this dude named Sugar. And when they hear the story, they're like, oh, he's gay. His name. They call him Sugar.

That's not why we called him Sugar. It had nothing to do with his sexual orientation. Sugar was named, we named him after Sugar Ray Robinson. Sugar Ray Leonard, god damn it. That motherfucker was fast because he used to box out of West Dallas.

And that motherfucker hands was fast. And if you say some slick shit to Sugar, he'll knock your ass out. That's why we called him Sugar. And he knocked this dude out in the shower area

on Ellis 2. And told him, he said, you can buy some underwear. They was talking and he told him to give him some clean underwear. Because, you know, different under. They was talking, and he told them to give him some clean underwear.

Because, you know, different underwear, people do, because everybody wearing community, and community is the undergarments. So when you get a clean pair, that's what you want. So once you get a clean new pair, then you keep them. You don't never give them back.

You just wash them out yourself. So the dude wanted some new underwear, and he didn't ask for it properly. He called Sugar a bitch. Like, bitch, give me some fresh underwear, hoe. And Ellis, too, in the shower area, they throw the underwear from up under this wall, so you really can't even see who doing it. So when he called the dude a bitch, and we all saw Sugar do this.

Sugar looked under the thing he's like you and boy sugar told him when he came around the thing he said man don't disrespect me and he called him all type of gay shit and da-da-da-da. And Sugar said, all right, you say one more word to me, I'm going to beat your ass. I'm going to put my finger in your booty after I knock your ass out too. Man, you got to be a hell of a fighter to fight in the shower area. Like the shower area is like you got to fucking be a good fighter. You got to know what the fuck you're doing. And this ain't like you're a bad fighter.

It's anything can happen in the shower area. You slip, go over the... It's a lot of shit can happen. This is not where you want to fucking fight at. But, true to character, Sugar knocked his ass out right in that fucking shower area. Yep, sure did. He stuck a finger in his booty? out right in that fucking shower area. Yep.

Sure did. He stuck a finger in his booty? Stuck his finger right in his ass. While he was out cold? Oh my God. Woke him up. Get the smelling salts. Oh my God.

That's a funny thing to say too. I'm going to stick my finger in your booty. Now you're on a unit. Now you're on a unit where you can't even really talk shit no more. You ain't got no respect. Mother can do you like this. Hey, man.

The smelling salts, they bring it up. Get your ass whooped, boy. Oh no. That's the thing about underestimating somebody or thinking that shit all sweet like

and no like somebody it's a it was a dude called Lucy Pearl he was called Lucy Pearl and you would come to that unit and you would think Lucy Pearl

you would think oh he gay no we called him Lucy Pearl that ain't got shit to do that's the nickname that he had from the street Lucy Pearl we didn't know why they fucking called him Lucy Pearl we we call him Lucy Pearl. That ain't got shit to do. That's nickname he had from the street. Lucy Pearl. We didn't know why they fucking called him

Lucy Pearl. We just called him Lucy Pearl. Man, get your ass beat by Lucy Pearl. Go on, play with him if you want to. Shit. You ever heard of Emil Griffith? Emil Griffith was a world midway

champion back in, I want to say, the early 60s. And maybe it might have been the 50s. Somewhere in the 60s or 50s. But there was a guy named Benny Perrette. Benny Perrette. And Benny Perrette talked a lot of shit about Emile Griffith because Emile was gay. And he said a lot of shit about him. And Emile killed him. Killed killed him killed killed him in the ring it is a see if you can find that see if you find that fight

it's a horrendous beating he has him on the ropes and he beats him i mean he beats this motherfucker to death like literally and this is this guy had been talking all kinds of shit about him being gay and he just teased off on him and this is his head snapping back look at this that's ferocious angry and he just slumped down and never got up that was it he's dead he did oh he's dead he died he died there what year was it jamie it was black and white so it was a long fucking time ago damn he never got up he died right there never stood up i mean if you watch that combination i mean go show but go back and watch that combination again. I mean, Emile Griffith just beats him to death. He gets him in the corner and just starts teeing off with uppercuts.

And it was just the last combination, it wasn't just that he was trying to beat him. It was like he was trying to beat him to death. It's like he was fucking ferocious. Damn. I'm talking about never got up never got up no he died here it is so he gets him in the corner and this is the final combination he was already beaten up emil griffith was a bad but he just happened to be gay what are you doing here, Jamie? There it is.

Here's the boom. Boom, boom. Boom. And look at the fucking ferocity. Look at his head snapping back. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. And he's being kept up by the ropes. Look at this. I mean, just teeing off. How many shots are landing? That man, they should have broke that up a long time ago. But that was a fierce time. Back then then they would let fights go man you ever watch like those old like jack johnson fights where they didn't even let them stand up as soon as you picked your knee

up off the ground they'd come and punch you in the face they didn't even let you like today like you get up standing eight count they brush your gloves off stay in a neutral corner they bring them back together again but what year was that jamie does it say it's like this like the celer um so what is it cinderella man time yeah it was like that 62 62 1962 beat him to death yeah that wasn't that. Shit. Yeah. But that was the whole. Look at his face, man. It might hit that pole.

He might have hit that pole. He probably did. He probably hit that pole. That was just a pole, too. Like, look at that. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. And look at that metal ass thing. He probably hit that shit.

Well, that wasn't the problem. The problem was the punches. That was banging his head to the other side. I don't know. When he was outside the ropes. When he was't the problem. The problem was the punches. That was banging his head the other side. I don't know. When he was outside the ropes and he just kept hitting him with those uppercuts. It was a horrific beating. And that was the thing about it. It's like he had statements that he said afterwards about that guy calling him gay

and calling him a bunch of gay slurs. Damn. That's a terrifying image of seeing the dude slumped over, knowing that he's dead there. He just got beaten to death in a boxing match. Because it's pretty rare. There's one that was close to that. Did you ever see when Ray Mercer knocked out Tommy Morrison?

Woo. Oh, my God. Vaguely remember it. One of the most ferocious KOs you'll ever see in your life. I've seen some. I thought Muhammad Ali. I mean, not Muhammad. I thought Mike Tyson had killed.

Marvis Frazier? Oh, I thought he died. I thought he died. That was, to me, the scariest Tyson. Tyson versus Marvis Frazier was the scariest. Because that was Tyson. That was prime Tyson. Prime.

And didn't quite fight for the title yet but was on the way he was uh that was ABC wide world sports days when you would tune in just to watch him execute somebody when bat on when boxing came on TV in a daytime yes back in those ray boom boom Mancini days so what happened with Ray Mercer is he was beating the shit out of Tommy Morrison and Tommy got caught up in the ropes. So look at this. He's caught up in the ropes. Look at this.

I mean, he just wailed him. And this is Ray Mercer when Ray Mercer was an Olympic gold medalist. Oh, my goodness. The power that Ray Mercer had. Oh, my God. And look what he went down. I mean, that was pretty close. That looked like a dead man. Ray Mercer could fucking crack.

Ray Mercer had one, like, sort of, it was kind of an MMA fight. It was supposed to be a boxing match with this guy, Tim Sylvia. And Ray Mercer was, like, 50 years old. He was, like, late 40s. And they were supposed to have a boxing match, but the athletic commission, that's Tim Sylvia, used to be the UFC heavyweight champion. And so they made a deal. Okay, we'll just use only our hands.

Stop, pause right there. Pause it right there. Let me just lay this out. They were supposed to have a boxing match, and the athletic commission said there's no way Tim Sylvia has no boxing matches, no way we can sanction a fight against Ray Mercer, who has a shitload of boxing matches, was one of the world's best heavyweights. There's no way at one point in time he was one of the world's best heavyweights, fought everybody.

There's no fucking way we can sanction that boxing match. And they said, well, what about if it's an MMA fight? And they said, okay, well, that's okay. And then Ray Mercer had to make a deal with Tim Sylvie. He goes, look, they're calling it an MMA fight, but we're just going to box with gloves on. And Tim said, yes, that's the deal. So then the fight opens, you know, started up again, and he kicks him. And watch the look on Ray's face. Like, what the fuck? See?

He's like, what the fuck? So watch this. Watch what happens. Right here. Boom. Timber. I mean, one shot. That is the difference.

Ray Mercer set out on it too. Bam. And he was 40, like late 40s, maybe even 50 by then. He was old. Like, I'm old. That power. But it's people in the gym. Main Street Boxing Gym in Houston.

There's some old men in that gym. Oh, yeah. There's old men at the gym. I was in a gym in Austin today. Shit. A boxing gym in Austin today. There was an old dude fucking that bag up. This dude had to be 64, 65 years old.

Oh, it's a man. He's lighting that bag up. It's a man in Houston. They call him Bird. He has lighting that bag up. It's a man in Houston. They call him Bird. He has a day in Houston. He saved some people that was in a burning building. They was in a burning house.

He ran in and got them out. And he was old then. He like 70 something. And he just comes around. He cleans up the gym. And you can come in there talking shit all you want to. You got to realize that he has on his shoes. Like he has on his boxing shoes like every day.

Like he got his fucking shit strapped up to the top. If you're not paying attention, you don't understand this old man got his shit on. So if you want to do something, he looks the part. Like he looks like he just finished. Like he fought Jack Johnson back looks the part. He looks like he just finished. He fought Jack Johnson back in the day or some shit like that. And that's the thing that I love about being in a gym.

Any type of fighting gym. You monitor yourself in a gym. In a fighting gym. Not a workout gym. a fighting gym. Come in there with a bad day. Come in there talking shit. Come in there with anything.

There's somebody in there that is willing to oblige your shit any day of the week. I don't give a damn when you come in there. Be the dude off the street talking about boxing ain't shit and you come in there, you a big dude,

you can come in there and do it. Cool. We'll line your ass up. Pick somebody in here. Pick whoever you think in this goddamn gym you can handle. Shit. And we watch him fall every time. Oh, yeah.

Oh, you picked the little Mexican guy. Okay, cool. Good luck. Good luck with this little five-foot motherfucker. You don't understand. You about to fight fucking Joe Frazier. You have no idea that you about to fucking fight Frazier. You about to fight a fucking Spanish Frazier that ain't got no fucking pushback.

Ordele! That shit is full steam ahead. Ordele! Did you ever see that video there's an old man in a sweater like a bald old man in a sweater

who beats the fuck out of this young kid who looks jacked this young dude looks like he does crossfit he's like 25 years old ripped this old dude's

gotta be 65 years old and he pounds the gloves fucking hits himself in the head a couple times comes out bobbing and weaving you're like what what is happening like it doesn't even look real like you look at this old guy he's got bad posture he's got a sweater on but as soon as he gets those gloves on with a sweater wearing a sweater beats the fuck out of this guy like the thing only lasts like 20 seconds see you know that video you know know the video, right? It's a pretty famous video

because it's hilarious. Here it is. So look at this young guy. He's got a fucking man bun. Look at him, all jacked and shit. Look at this old guy with a sweater on.

I've never even seen this. Oh, watch this. He thinks it's funny. The young guy thinks it's funny. Okay, I'll box you. Watch this old dude. He gives himself a couple shots in the face. All right, bitch, let's get going.

That young kid's in trouble right off the bat. Bad feet, everything. So he gets up, he's not even letting him up. He goes, okay, okay, okay, I'm done. That old guy just beat the fuck out of that young guy. I thought it was this other video where this dude was going around the gym bullying people. And it was like Mike Tyson's son that he ran into. And either it was Mike Tyson's son or it was some other famous boxer's son that the dude didn't know. And he gets his ass plummeted.

Mike Tyson Jr.? Is that really? That's just what the video says. It might not be him. I don't necessarily think that's really Mike Tyson. Oh, this is this guy. This guy is known for going up to people in gyms and punching them. Like he, you know who beat the fuck out of him in a gym? Deontay Wilder. Deontay Wilder's wild.

That may have been the one. Deontay Wilder is wild. That may have been the one. Deontay beat the fuck out of him. He was fucking with people and then he ran into and got his ass rained. Yeah. Well, Deontay's one of the hardest punchers of all time. You know, Deontay, before he lost to Tyson Fury, he had,

I believe it was 39 victories by knockout out of 40 fights. He was undefeated. 39 by knockout. You know how crazy that is to have 40 fights and only one? I think it was Stiverne made the, he made it to the decision in the first fight and the second fight he knocked him out quick. We had, you know, because in the barbershop we just, we talk shit all the time.

And I said that Fury was going to beat Wilder. I took a lot of shit for this. Was this the first fight? I said the first and the second one. Wow. Well, the first fight went up to a draw. I just said he was going to beat him. I'm going with, yes, I'm going with Emmanuel Stewart.

Yeah, this is a long time ago, too. Look how shitty the internet footage is. This guy's getting beat up by Deontay Wilder. And when Deontay Wilder punches people, they stay punched. The only one who's been able to take it, the only one, has been Tyson Fury. He's the only one. Everybody else he hits, like when he hit Luis Ortiz, he hit him in the forehead. One straight right, plop, and walked away because he knew it was over.

And Ortiz, his body crumpled, and the look on his face was like, what the fuck just hit me? That's how hard Deontay Wilder hits. You know, you ever heard of um Regis Prevost no young fighter coming up bit with people he falls Josh Taylor he just had a fight in Dubai with his Irish kid Regis is a is a hard-hitting lightweight. Like, he's 140. This motherfucker, his hands like cement. And you would see him hit somebody,

and then you'd be hearing all these other fighters. Oh, I have seen this dude fight. I have seen this dude fight. He just had a fight in Dubai, and he hit this fucking Irish boy so hard. And I was like, and he looked so small, he's so awkward, he a Southpaw, but that motherfucker.

And this Irish dude was in the fight too. He was hitting him with some good shots up until the end. There's guys that just can fucking punch, man. It's just fucking people who can fight. And it's like, I'm in the gym so much I'll be watching these fight. What are you doing Jamie? That's he's about to knock him out He didn't fight he didn't knock Josh out they was I think Josh is an hour fight

Oh, this is not the this is not the fight I'm talking about the one you guys are looking at the. The one in Dubai where he just hit that Irish kid. Right. It's not the Josh Taylor fight. It's, who was it that he fought that he not brought? I think if you put Dubai, because I forget this kid, the Irish guy. That's the Irish guy right at the bottom. Tyrone McKenna.

That's it. Irish Tyrone. That's it. That's a boom right there. That shit is crazy. Regis is fucking crazy. Over the top. Some people can just fucking punch, man.

Punching power is a weird thing. Punching power is a weird situation. I measure you like most boxers. I measure and I I have a sneaky very sneaky right if I catch you if I catch you there right it's a problem is you don't have a problem I don't even fuck why I catch you that way it's gone it's gone that's why the knuckle is so cracked down. And when I hurt my hand, I've had,

this hand has been through some shit. I cracked my front windshield. I punched that twice and cracked it. Why'd you punch your windshield? Man, this is when you argue with people, man. That's why I had to stop. This is very early on in the relationship where I couldn't defeat her in any arguments.

This shit was so strange. She's a good arguer? Oh my goodness. Because you can't win if you're trying to make sense. And I remember I would be arguing with a person that said fuck the facts. When you argue with somebody who said fuck the facts.

That's the last thing you want to hear in an argument. Fuck the facts. When you argue with somebody who say fuck the facts. That's the last thing you want to hear in an argument. Fuck the facts. What? What are we doing then? What are we doing? It's like, it's like, and you just get mad

because somebody just said, fuck the facts. Like, we gonna argue without the facts like oh okay in my truck in my truck my uh mechanic my mechanic sam he said yeah i went and got something done and he said hey i did i i gave you a present i said? I bent your steering wheel back up. You bent your fucking steering wheel back like this? Forward.

Forward? I bent it. I was so fucking mad. What the fuck are you talking about? And I hadn't gotten mad enough to put it back up. So every time you drive it it's like wobbling all over the place

I was like a bitch man like so that's the thing when I'm in the ring even when we doing the pads it's James James like a fucking right hand man it's like my little kids my little boys left Hassan It's James, James like a fucking right hand man.

It's like my little kids, my little boys left. Hassan has a left hand that is a fucking problem. How long has he been boxing? Two years. Really? And he's just, I won't let him, he's 11 now. I won't let him fight yet. The thing that's good when they do it young, you know why?

Because they don't hurt each other. Because they don't hit that hard. There's a thing about it, like, when you get them in, like, five, six, seven years old, they hit each other, but they can't hit each other like a 13-year-old or a 14-year-old. When they get to be, like, 14, 15, they start knocking each other out, and then that becomes a problem with, like, brain damage. But if you can teach a kid to get comfortable with, like, looking at a it comes near instead of like Winston and closing their eyes those kids they develop like fast reflexes and great Counterpunching yeah, so I won't let him

Fight it. I don't want him spawn. I want to cop. That's a thing. I just want him training getting this thing so what happens is When you have because he was 10 at this time, because he just turned 11. He's walking the dog around the neighborhood. We live in a pretty nice neighborhood. He's been living over here most of his life. And some kids told him he wasn't, he walking his dog. He's just walking his dog. And I don't understand what kind of kids these were.

Maybe because Harice was little at the time but he's a cane cool so he's little but he's big like it's not a little dog this is a big dog so they're talking shit to your son and he's got a kane corso with him that's a crazy dog those are wild dogs so he is walking the dude tell him you ain't supposed to be around here Hasan is confused like what I live around here

like what's going on and these kids are in middle school Hasan is homeschooled and he's only 10 and them kids ran up on Hasan with the dog with the dog Hasan

told Harish to sit Harish to sit. Harish sat right there, and my 10-year-old went to work. Really? While the dog's just sitting there watching it? Harish just sitting there. That's a well-trained dog. Harish.

And then after the boys started running off, because Hassan went to work, he said, get him, Haris. And I was like, Hassan, everything that you did was perfect. Except. But you can't send Haris. Yeah.

Haris is a puppy at the time. How old was he? Maybe, oh, maybe eight months. Oh, okay. He was a puppy at the time. Now, you can't, I don't even think nobody even, Harise sounds like he has a hemi in his chest.

I know when anybody comes around my house, Harise, you can hear him. You can see him. It starts rumbling up before he even barks. Those are scary dogs. Oh, that's me. That's mine. That's him.

Jesus Christ. Look at the size of him. And I made the question high. Quick question. What made you jump the gate? Can you imagine jumping the gate and seeing that motherfucker waiting for you? Go out. Go shrink it a little bit.

Look how cool he is. Look at his legs. He's casual. He's like, eh. Sitting to the side. The size of him. Yeah. The size of his head.

He is 111 now. He weighs 111 pounds. Athletic. And he, this is the only dog I've ever seen that can fucking steal he can run full speed to the side like to he could I've watched like we would go out and he'll he'll be running and I'll change directions on him and his fucking ligaments just still to I'm like what type of you know what it is it's because he's not too big it's like there's a size that they get. Like I used to have a Mastiff, and they're too big.

They get like 150, 160. They're too big. They can't move that good. But 110, you could still move real good. But they have so much power. Those Connie Corsos have crazy power. Man, he is. Like I had to.

Like they would say, oh, I had to, like, they'd say, oh, he's so scared of you. He has to be. He's not scared of anybody else in the house. He's not scared

of not another single person in his house. Me, he don't play with me at all. He knows, out of everybody in the world, I'm the only one that'll kill him.

Like, with my bare fucking hands. He know. Haris. And I went and talked to somebody. It's me. It wasn't just him. It was me.

Haris was digging. And I got on his ass about digging. And I popped him. And he ran to his house. And I went over to talk to him. And I'm like, yo, man, I told you about this goddamn digging. And he postured up. and I went over to talk to him. And I'm like, yo, man, I told you about this goddamn digging. And he postured up like he was going to attack. Like he had a.

And in a second. I was in his house. I was in his doghouse and I had already doghouse, and I had already grabbed his neck, and I had him up against the wood in the back of his doghouse. Jesus. And like, yo, who the fuck are you showing your fucking teeth to?

And he was looking at me like, get your ass out my house. Like, you ain't supposed to be in here. Like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? Get out of my house. Shit. And at the time, I was looking like, I'm not scared of shit when I think it's,

when you in the wrong. Like, he's 110 pounds. He know I throw his motherfucking ass over the gate. Like, I don't fucking, like, don't. I've picked this dog up with one hand by his collar, and I have my thumb up on this leash. I'm like, yo, man, who the fuck are you playing with? Like, yo, who are you playing with?

And he's just up in the air with all his legs dangling. I'm like, yo, man, Harish, you better fucking stop playing with me. How old is he now? He's a year old now, and he's lost some weight. That's the thing about those dogs is that they do test you. And I'm not to fucking be tested. My friend Mark had one that bit his hand. He had to get rid of it.

It was growling at his wife. And then he went to question it or he went to discipline it about something and it clamped down on his hand. He wound up getting stitches, go to the hospital. He lucky. He was a puppy. He got rid of it. No, no, it was full grown. Full grown.

You know, the PSI on that dog's jaws is like 700 pounds whatever it is it's crazy it's crazy it's way like a giant bull like yeah pitbull ain't when it comes to the bite of this goddamn dog no there's so much bigger than pitbulls oh man you know a wolf has a bite that's five times greater than a pitbull and he up there this is up there with a wolf really yeah the psi the psi on that on that connor is is up there with a wolf. Really? Yeah, the PSI on that Connor is fucking insane. There's a lot of those dogs that turn on their owners. You know, probably raised incorrectly, but this, my friend Mark, whose dog bit him, he had him very well trained. I mean, he did everything he could.

He put him through all kinds of training, and he just had a problem with the dog. And then I had another friend who had another chronic corso. Same thing. Dog turned on him. Now, I don't know if it's the way that they were raising him. I don't know. I have no idea. But, like, you telling me that story, too, about the dog baring his teeth at you, I don't like dogs that do that.

It's too risky. It's too risky. Because what if he goes to your wife? You know, what if he turns to your kid? Like, that's where i draw the line when dogs like house dogs like your family dog bears their teeth at you and like threatens to bite like look i'm not the fucking dog whisperer i don't have to i'm not home anymore yeah you know i go on the road too much i can't have some wild crazy ass fucking dog in my house i got a golden retriever that dog's not biting anybody ever ever he's the sweetest dog

in the world he just gives you kisses my um my role manager dre you met him his dog fucking hates me why as soon as he cuts his dog in the cage when i come in fucking crazy ass dog you know the scariest dogs are to me belg Malinois. Oh, it's one. Meat missiles. It's one named Rex that lived. He's so much taller than my dog. My dog is a big ass dog, but that's a big ass dog. Most Belgian Malinois aren't big.

No, his shit is a. Really? Oh, man, this black ass face on this dog. And I think he don't cut his hair like that like he don't like I've seen him with a heavy low his shit hanging at the bottom this dog and his tail is I like yeah this is a big-ass dog it's a big-ass they're like when I see him I'm like yo that's a big-ass dog they have these ones that they train like for drugs and yeah all kinds of shit and they train

them for like tactical things and there's one Belgian Marmois that jumps off this dude's back and jumps into the air to grab a tire and the thing is flying. It's going like, it looks like it's,

it jumped 30 feet in the air. I can't even believe how high it jumped. It's crazy. Have you ever seen those, Jamie? Oh,

you ever seen this thing on a, watch this, this right here. Like, what the fuck, man? What the fuck,

dude? Yeah, so, that's gotta be 20 feet. Yeah, this stick right here. That's um watch this this right here like what the fuck man what the fuck dude yeah so that's gotta be 20 feet yeah this stick right here that's crazy this stick right here is fucking insane and that's like that's crazy and see that dog like this i mean that is he's flying and he's flying i mean that doesn't even seem like he should be able to do that why would you train this dog to do this crazy shit? Because they can jump over fences. They can do shit that other dogs, look at him, he's got a cape on. They can do shit that other dogs just can't do in terms of athletic. Look at this landing.

Well, their athletic ability is just, watch this, off the tree, and he does a flip. Look at that shit. And grabs a hold of the rope. You got to catch him. You better catch your hold of the rope. He got to catch him. You better catch your goddamn dog. Yeah, you got to catch him. Yeah, otherwise he's going to break his legs. Look at him run up the tree like that. I mean, that is bananas, man.

So it's a cane. It's the kind that they have running up this wall to chase this thing. Like, that shit. That is a smart dog. Just to be able to figure out how to do that. Like, how would you even train your dog to run up a wall and then kick back backwards and flip? Look at this shit. Look at the amount of fucking height that they can get off the top of that wall.

Two touches. It's amazing. They're exceptional dogs. Like, if one of those is chasing you, you're fucked. They're not that big. Dogs like that, they're like 60 pounds. It doesn't matter. And they get you.

They're ripping the tendons off your arms. I need to send you a picture of this crazy-ass dog. that big that dogs like that they're like 60 pounds it doesn't matter they get you they're ripping the tendons off your arms i need to send you a picture this crazy ass dog that's off the lake when i see him i'm gonna afford you a picture this big ass dog his face is just black he red though he just be looking at you maybe he's mixed with something maybe he's got like german shepherd in him or something oh it's a um a guy in our neighborhood he has a a cane and a great dane mixed oh my god it's a moose it's like a moose and and and then what makes him look way iller he has a clep lip his lips show his show a portion of his top teeth. And, like, he was walking. You just see them teeth right there.

And I was like, I said, your dog look vicious as shit. He's like, man, this dog is Scooby-Doo. He said, if something scared him, I'd rather let the leash go than to try to hold on to it because he's just going to run. He's just going to fucking run. Run away. He's Scooby-Doo. He said, he look big.

If you jump the gate and you saw him and he was standing there, you're like, oh shit, and his teeth is already showing on the side. You're like,

oh, I'm out of here. They're doing weird shit with pit bulls now. I've seen some pit bulls now that are like, like short dogs that are just fucking,

they look like Ronnie Coleman. Just fucking super giant. The XLs, what they call them, XL bullies. 140 pounds, like The XLs, the what they call them, XL bullies. 140 pounds, like pit bulls, 140 pounds. With a lufarigno chest. Yeah, exactly.

What type of goddamn dog is this? They used to be little. Pit bulls, when they used to fight them, they would fight them. They were like 35 pounds, 40 pounds. They wanted them little because they could pull them off the other dog. They wanted to be able to carry them. It's like it's jacked up. That's a puppy. That's a puppy that's a puppy

he got shoulders he got a human shoulders that looks like a bodybuilder they get so big look at the size of them oh have you ever seen that one the hulk see find that one uh the hulk i think he's i mean he looks like he's got to be close to 200 pounds. Look at the fucking head on that one on the far right. XL Pitbulls, XLMonsterBullies.com. Look at the head on that fucking dude. Goddamn dogs. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Look at the size of him. That's the Hulk. 175 pounds. Look at the fucking head on him. What the fuck is that? Is that Photoshop? A little of the perspective. it's a perspective thing yeah the guy's got the camera right up on the dog and the guy's behind him laying back on the couch but pull up bruce pull up bruce wayne oh what is that a rat that's weird man it's part it's a pug

pug looking go to one of them on the picnic blanket. Yeah right there That's when you get a sense of the real size of them that it's a big fucking pitbull Well those dogs are not a girl The girl people not a boy. It's a boy. He's having puppies like yeah, that's the girl with them Christ 150 pound puppy Set to outgrow the Hulk. What? 150-pound puppy?

What the fuck? He's 150 pounds now? Yeah. I mean, what are they doing to these dogs to make them that big? That's what I don't understand. Like, Bruce Wayne is normal. He's a normal king. I've never seen Bruce Wayne.

Oh, he's a psycho. Yes, Bruce Wayne. Is it Connie Corso? Yes, that seen Bruce Wayne Oh he's a psycho Yes Bruce Wayne Is it Connie Corso? Yes that's Bruce Wayne That's a big fucking That's Bruce Wayne How much does he weigh? Look at his head next to that dude's head

That's his girlfriend That's his wife Bruce Wayne is like 6'2 You imagine breaking into that house And that fucking demon comes for you? Didn't... There was a famous actor who had a couple

conicorsos and they killed someone in his yard. Like someone jumped the fence or maybe a gardener. Someone. My gardener don't do it. Who's the guy who does the Arby's we have the meat who does the voice of that damn I don't know I'm shook on that one but I like the voice Ving Rhames that's right

Ving Rhames Ving Rhames I believe wait a minute Ving Rhames the fucking Arby's voice yeah Arby's we have the meats that's being that's being I think I think I recognize you didn't recognize it. Yeah, I think seven was it carne. Corsos Or is a doggo Argentino the party doggo killed a live-in caretaker. Oh that's actors home. Yeah, what kind dog? a live-in caretaker at the actor's home. Yeah. What kind of dog? I typed in, that's how I got to it.

So he had four dogs. The largest weighed nearly 200 pounds. Numerous dog bites all over his body. Oh, that's a bad way to go. Oh, yeah.

Getting mauled by a dog that you're supposed to be watching in a guy's house. The guy's like, don't worry, they won't fuck you up. Nah. No.

That dog got to know you. Yeah, they got to know you really well. That dog has to fucking know you. Yeah. And another thing is, I am leery. If my kids get in trouble, it depends on how I'm talking to them. in trouble depends on how I'm talking to them.

Like You don't want the dog to think you're angry at your kid like they should attack your kid. Because he gonna defend them. Right. Like that's one thing I do know about him. He don't play about them kids. Like even I've watched him one time

just observing him and my kid's running crazy. And he went by the street. Like he laid by the street. To make sure they don't go out in the street. They don't go in the street. He's like, y'all going too far.

That's a smart. What is this? Ving Rhames' dog didn't kill him. Oh, that is right. Now I remember. I think he had a heart attack. Yeah, so there's dog bites on his body, but the bites didn't kill him. Well, what does that mean, though?

The toxicology report was at the time still pending. The dogs didn't kill him. Then maybe he had a heart attack and died while the dogs were biting him. Right? Because you could be like, oh, my God, this is how I'm going to die and have a fucking heart attack. This leads us to believe that he went down for some other medical reason. He said when animals attack humans or other animals, the victims usually end up with bites around the head and neck.

He had none. Oh, well, maybe he had a heart attack or maybe he had a stroke or a seizure or something. He was like spazzing out and the dogs attacked his body my um the people like when you get a birthday sign put up and for you know for your kids happy birthday i had a sign we had a sign done in front of the house and they came to get the sign but we wasn't home and the dog was like what is y'all doing around here i don't know y'all and got out that gate it was like in front of the house like y'all i'm get y'all ass in that truck so they was in the truck just trying to get and they had to call like hey um are y'all close because y'all and he was a baby he, hey, um, are y'all close? Because y'all,

and he was a baby, he was still a baby. Like, get y'all ass around here. Like, y'all don't, y'all don't belong over here. And he just,

and we pulled up, he just in the yard, just sitting there with his, turning his head, anytime he turned his head to the side, he trying to figure it out.

Like, oh, that's my people. Oh, y'all know them? He could sit there. He could like, you know, medall know them okay we're all cool we good okay and my neighbor the other day i came out the gate and my neighbor was doing some yard work and his gate was open and he don't he didn't know i was out there and he heard the gate open and all you heard him holler oh shit and i said you okay something

you always say oh boy i thought that dog had got out and because the dog had been um my son hadn't closed the gate properly and then he got out and he probably was running around the neighborhood and couldn't figure out which house was his so he just went and sat in front of their house and then he's on the he's on the, they saw him on the camera, and they called like, hey, your baby is on our porch. Because nobody go out there with Haris on the scene. Haris is, and he's a friendly dog. But no, people don't know that.

I get it. Because when he come out. He just looks too scary. Yeah, he looks scary. Yeah, he looks so scary with the head. His ears are cropped. But the thing is he has stitches. That's the kind of dog that Fingrames had apparently.

Oh, Presa Canaria. Okay. That's another crazy dog. That's another crazy ass dog. Yeah, all those dogs that they have developed as protection dogs. Those are the dogs that kind of sketch me out because it seems like those dogs need a lot Of work that you can't just have them as a pet like I could just come home I don't worry about my dog's mood. You know with those dogs. You got to work them out

It's like having a fighter like you got to get his road work in he's got to hit the bag You got to relax him He's gonna does it look at that dog that dog has a desire to kill like pretty sure different crops on the ears too it's like oh that's a scary and i love that brindle that's like some of my favorite looking dogs those brindle dogs that have that cool coloring i mean i think that just looks amazing it looks like like a little tiger and then you'll see you'll see kids you'll see kids with them. My dog is a pretty cool dog. But like I say, if it ever is ever even a concern, like if I even inkling because of those kids,

I'm not going to even play with it. You got to go. Yeah. And it's like you got to go. I'm not going to feel no type of way about it. And I'm going to get me a small pool put in the backyard

because the only reason we don't have a pool is because his ass is back there shitting it up. Shitting it up. Yeah, that's why my friend

Mark got it. Got rid of his dog. He's like, wanted to bit my hand. He goes, thank God it was me. You know, he got his hand stitched up.

He's all right. And then got rid of the dog. Got it put down. But he's like, I just didn't trust him anymore he's like he was just he was just too sketchy and mark is not an abusive dog owner he's not a mean guy he's a very nice guy but he was like this and maybe that's the thing he wanted the dog is showing dominance and he don't because like the personality that i got him from he's like he had him for 25 years i always had these type of dogs he's like yo this dog you got it and he doesn't even call it a dog he said this is an animal and he's a wild animal it's like this is like having a bear

in your house but it's your bear you. You know? And he's outside. And that's a thing about him. I know he can get inside if he wanted to. Like, because his head is so hard. Like, he can just run through something if he wanted to. He's a big, strong dog. But if you see the left,

like, when I walk out he immediately goes down and then depending on how I'm looking if I'm looking too mean he'll turn all the way over his back and put his hands up like I don't want no fucking problems

like hands up I'm stretched out all your abusive shit you don't have to do. I've already submitted, sir. And that's how I hit. Because I remember when I first checked him, I hit him in his neck. Like a mother would do. I hit him around his neck.

Right slap. And I pulled him. I'm like, man listen you always gonna be the underling like you never gonna be El Capo in this goddamn house you never can't let him be and when I'm when I'm out with him he walks different than when he walks with them because I can take him off the leash we'll be walking and he doesn't go anywhere where he know I'm going to have to say, hey, what you doing? Right.

With me, it's different. He's like, what I'm not doing is playing with him because he know I don't love him like everybody else do. Like everybody else would cry if something happened to him. That me. No? No. You wouldn. No? No. You wouldn't cry?

Fuck no. Because he know I'm going to be the one that's going to kill him if something's going to happen. He knows it. He knows, like, this man, he feeds me. He walks with me miles and miles and all the rest of that. But he has the capability of killing me if he decides to. So you have this feeling like you have to have this kind of relationship with that dog. Yeah.

See, I'm not interested in having dogs like that. I've had dogs like that in the past. I don't do it anymore. I would have this type of relationship with a Shih Tzu. Like, understand your fucking position. If you ever decide to bite me or do some shit that's against the order of this house, they're going to be consequences.

Right, but if you have like a lab or something like that, you never have to think about that. They don't do that. That's why I like those kind of dogs. When I was younger, I had a lot of pit bulls. I had a lot of pit bulls. I had one time I came home, my pit bull had killed my other dog.

I came home in my living room. There was a bloodbath. Damn. Yeah. I had one pitbull her name was squeaky from i got her from the pound and she was a scary little dog she was a little alligator like she was all head her head was like that big and the rest of her body was like this little short-legged dog and she was cool until stoneman started some and i had this other dog i didn't know back

then you could not have two females because two females will never they'll never let dominance be established like a dog who's a male of a big male dog say shut the fuck up the other dog go okay you're the alpha females never accept that they don't accept it they keep fighting you separate them they fight again separate them, they fight again. They separate them, they fight again. And I left these two at home, and it was my fuck-up. I should have separated them before I left the house. And I came home, and there was just blood everywhere.

I had this... Who was still standing? Squeaky. Squeaky, she was alive. She killed that other dog. It was horrible. Sitting in the blood. Now, listen. Yeah, she was alive she killed that other dog it was horrible sitting in the blood now listen yeah she was covered in blood this is cuts all over her face too but it was it was awful it was awful damn yeah it made me sad because i loved that other dog too it was just like god

damn you crazy bitch squeaky was still alive yeah one bitch in his house. That's it. So I put her down. Damn. Yeah, I'm like, nuh-uh. I'm not having a dog that kills dogs at my house. You put her in a position, though. No, I didn't. She put herself in that position. It's in my...

It's just I can't have that. I just can't have that. That's just too fucked up. So if you're okay with a lab yeah they're easy they're friendly do they pee in the house edition all dogs do that to you guys him but they don't now like my dog never shits in the house unless you got diarrhea like sometimes I don't hear him like I'm in the bedroom I hear and by the time I get out to deliver and

what's like one in the morning what the the fuck is going on? It's too late. Just splatter. Just fucking dookie butt splatter all over the place. Oh, no. It's horrible. And he always shits on carpets, too. It would be like some hardwood floor that you can clean up nice and easy. Nope.

Finds his way to a carpet and just blasts all over the carpet. It's horrible. It's like, with Haris, I can tell when he has diarrhea because it don't just be one lump.

It's like, he done wonked the shit all over the backyard. I'm like, what is that, a shit smoothie? Like,

what are you doing? The crazy thing is they're eating the same thing. But with Marshall, it's like, every now and then he'll kill something outside.

And that's usually when he gets diarrhea. Like he'll eat a squirrel or something like that. I don't think it's squirrel. Wait a minute. This one is nut ass diarrhea. Because they, like a hog. Oh, they burrow with their nose? Yes.

Yeah. So he eats frogs. Oh, they burrow with their nose? Yes. So he eats frogs. Oh, really? He digs up frogs and he eats them. You can see him doing it. And his goddamn stomach after that. You mentioned diarrhea. You get to have to eat a fucking frog.

Oh, I thought he ate some shit that was really bad. Because whatever he ate some shit that was really bad because he had a, whatever he ate fucked his hair up. Like he, like he had a splash in his face and on his back

and on his foot. It was like his hair would just fall out in like a circle. I was like, yeah, you ate some bad shit out here fucking around.

And his stool was so loose. It was like, even when I walked and it was just shit going down the street. I'm like, he when I walked in, it was just shit going down the street. I'm like, he's, ugh. You could just feel what a frog would do. Like, if you thought about swallowing,

like, chewing, swallowing a frog, and just what that would do to your asshole, just how it would make its way through your intestines, just blah. He toxin his ass up. I know he's just like, every toxin that frog has, he's just released on his ass. He's shitting it like, yeah, good.

It's funny how all animals, like all those kind of animals that are meat eaters, they all have this desire to kill things. They all want to kill something small, whether it's a bird or a squirrel or a rabbit. They all want to kill shit. They all do. They can't help themselves. He was about to die we was on a walk and my son had ran down this hill and we got up the hill it was a fucking snake it was like

bronze on the body black and he had these spots and i know it was poison his head was in the diamond and my daughters was about to run and And my sons said, Snake, Daddy. And I'd have walked right into the shit. And I stopped my girls. And I stopped everybody. But who I can't stop is the fucking crazy-ass dog. So the dog runs up on the snake. And he, so he just, he want to kill it.

I'm like, so the snake, I can see him open his mouth. And he looking like want to kill it. I'm like so the snake I can see him open his mouth And he looked like he can learn so I took this stick, and I hit him so he wouldn't go down and And he he took off I Say how are you? I'm gonna fucking die this snake bite your ass up. They don't die I've had multiple dogs get bit by rattlesnakes. They don't die No shit. No you take him to the vet and they give them anti-venom. It's expensive, though. Anti-venom is fucking expensive.

That's the whole thing. He would have died. But even if you don't give them anti-venom, a lot of times they survive. He would have been. No, no, no, no. You give them Benadryl and shit, I'm telling you. They don't die. People die a lot quicker than a dog dies from rattlesnake bites. They can die, but most of the time they don't die. People die a lot quicker than a dog dies from rattlesnake bites.

They can die, but most of the time they don't. I had three dogs bit by rattlesnakes. My dog, I'm not saying that he would have died. It's some things that he's eaten that that motherfucker would have been down. He would have just been down, and I thought he was going to die. I was like, oh, he's dead. He's going to wake up tomorrow. That's probably what would have happened. He would been in the yard I'd have heard about what

happens is their face swells up it looks crazy it's just like like my dog Frankie got bit in his face and his face like drooped out like this like and I had taken him to the vet and I said to the vet I go I think he got bit by a rattlesnake because he hadn't been bit before because he killed his rattlesnake. And I'm like, I'm guessing that he got bit. And so the vet's like, I don't see any holes. I don't see any bite marks. So he's examining him. Probably bit him in the face.

Yeah, so I take him home. I go, you got lucky, bitch. And then I look at him like an hour later and his face is drooping. I'm like, ah, shit. And so I had to bring him back to the vet and the vet's like, yeah, I guess it's like a tiny mark because we didn't see any mark. But now the way his face is drooping i'm like ah shit and so i had to bring him back to the vet and the vet's like yeah i guess there's like a tiny mark because we didn't see any mark but now the way his face was drooping it was pretty odd it was all swollen up and shit fucked up so because my dog

burrows he the other day i'm i kind of sweep the dirt back in this little spot and as I'm sweeping this thing what I thought was dirt I just pushed it and this fucking spider big ass spider jumps on me he's looking at me and he's like I'm like I'm about to kill

this big ass spider but he's the size he's at least the size of a little bit smaller than this coffee cup like maybe the bottom and so I'm beating him with the broom, and here come the dogs.

And he looking at me like, yo, I was gonna play with that. And I remembered his face being fucked up. And I'm like, yo, I probably got bit because a spider bite will fuck you up too. And he had this knot that I just kept squeezing the shit out of it like a zit yeah it did come out it was probably a spider bite yeah he probably got bit like recluses they'll fuck you up if you get bit by a brown recluse they make a fucking hole in your

body it causes necrosis you get people with have giant holes in their body from all these bites. Oh, really? Yeah. They have recluses in prison? In certain areas. They'll tell you, it's a spider, you get a spider bite. And you're the first person I ever heard pronounce it like that. Recluse? Mm-hmm. How do they usually say it?

Recluse. Recluse? The brown recluse. That might be right. Either way, I knew what you was talking about. And I'm like, damn. Because I don't think I've ever said it. I mean mean i don't think i've ever heard anybody say it i've only like read it it's one of those words you probably said it right maybe because you made a brown recluse i knew a lot of guys in the midwest who got bit by those things like one

guy who got bit in the gym and he had developed a giant fucking hole in his leg It was nasty they had to fill it up with like they had to take gauze and stuff Yeah, yeah, oh, say put odd that I've seen some people who had to go through it. It's a fucked-up spider Yeah, yeah, just imagine getting bit in prison. They just leave it to yourself They don't give you any antibiotics or anything they give you the The gaus and shit. You got to take the medicine, but you have to dress it. Keep dressing it yourself. They don't have prison boxing programs anymore, huh?

No. I wish they did. That would probably help people. Well, I think it helped people back in the day. I mean, that's how Sonny Liston became a boxer. They don't do shit for people. They don't do shit for you. Unless you're a fucking rapist or molester

then they they roll out the red carpet for you to keep you safe from other people that's crazy it is crazy yeah i think they should do look first of all how many people get reformed in prison right you just get reformed to the fact that you don't ever want to do it again but it's not like is there is there programs that are trying to rehabilitate you and make you a better person and and give you tools to manage your anger is there any of that in there forcefully or that you can do the the past time do the past time like have available to you? You can take, depending on what unit you're on, they offer different things according to the units and depending on your status too.

Like if you have anger management, you can't go to the cognitive intervention class, which you should be. You should be the person that's going to the cognitive intervention class, but you on the side of the prison that's closed to the cognitive intervention class but you you on a side of the prison that's closed custody with y'all wild and they feel like you're not ready to reform yourself because you on that side of the unit then maybe you get on the other side

of the unit in a different class and you know you'll go and i went to cognitive intervention class you know i went to classes i went to things yeah even. I went to classes. I went to things. Even when I didn't need them, I still went past the time and learned other shit. So that's what you learn. You go into places and you go in these counseling groups.

You don't even need this shit. You go in there and go, oh, this is interesting to listen to. And then you figure out shit about yourself at the same time in prison. Most people don't do all that shit you gotta be a special person besides you want to change your mentality from the old shit that you used to do don't you think i mean like if they had boxing programs yes i think the worry would be that you teach people how to box and they would fuck up the

guards or they would fuck each other up but i think they do that anyway they do that anyway right wouldn't it but wouldn't it be like a good way to at least get out your anger and frustration give you some discipline and maybe settle disputes settle a lot that would be the main thing to settle a lot of disputes yeah settle it like a man instead of like sneaking up on each other, stabbing each other. Or getting a group. That's the one thing about anything with me. I don't give you no... You don't get any credit if you or your friends jumped on somebody.

That's the weakest shit in the world. Or you snuck up on somebody and hit them that's some weak shit it's weak shit for sure what's wrong with the fair one if you feel like you can win just orchestrate

be a gentleman about this shit I don't give a damn if it's 10 paces a turn just do the shit fair where I can respect you for I don't give a damn if it's 10 paces and turn. Just do the shit fair where I can respect you for. I can't respect anybody who, I'm going to go get another person and we're going to come jump on Joe.

And then Joe losing. We feel like that's a win. Yeah, we whooped Joe that. Like, you did? Or did you? It's like being a, like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? That you can't fight your own battle because you're scared to lose? Or you, it's like being a, like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? That you can't fight your own battle because you're scared to lose? I learned honor from a pimp in Mississippi when I was a kid.

That's a great start to a story. What did he teach you? My Aunt Angela, she used to take me and my cousin Ricky to the store, and we would get these ice, you know the little frozen ice, the small ones. But at this particular store,

they had the giant joints. So they were like this big round, and when we was good, we could go get one. So my aunt, she takes me and my cousin, and and we in Clarksdale Mississippi and we we go to the store and we come out we we in the car and we're in the car and she hadn't started the car yet she was listening to the song and we eating that shit he I remember this so like it was yesterday because he had the green one and I had the great one.

And I told him I was going to give him half of mine for half of his just so we both had both flavors. And as we talking, my aunt said, oh, shit, I knew I should have pulled off. Now we can't go nowhere. Because these two pimps were arguing outside the car and we couldn't move because one of the pimps had set his hat on my aunt's car she said his hat on the car and he's about him and his pimps was arguing and he said man i told you don't be on my motherfucking side of the street with your hoes i run this area and i remember the dude named bobby bobby said you don't be on my motherfucking side of the street with your hoes, I run this area. And I remember the dude named Bobby. Bobby said, you don't run the motherfucking thing around

here. You know, you don't tell Bobby where to be, bitch. You know what I'm saying? And it stunned me because I had never heard another man call another man a bitch. Or like a curse word.

It was all respect, mostly. And they would call each other other names, but it wouldn't be curse words. You know what I'm saying? So I'm listening, and they fighting behind the side of the street. And when Bobby took his jacket off, he had a gun.

He had a gun host. It was like a .38, a.32, whatever that was they was carrying in. And his friend, he took his gun host off, suit, jacket, hat. The dude took his hat and his jacket off.

They got their girls out there. The dude took his hat and his jacket off. They got their girls out there. The dude had his partner. And they fought right in the middle of the street. Bobby got his ass whooped. Bobby got his ass whooped. Bobby got his ass whooped out there. Now, when they was getting shit together, man walked off

he gone that dude was out there he said Bobby you should've popped his ass cause he the one that had the gun

he said Bobby you should've popped his ass now I remember this in detail Bobby said he put on his thing he said

nah that motherfucker wore a fan square put his jacket put his jacket on and put his hat on and said, shit,

fuck my goddamn nose. That motherfucker quick, wasn't he? And I always remember that story because just because he had a gun, he fought that man

fan square. It was other people out there. And he gave him his props after he beat him. And he lost and in his There was other people out there. And he gave him his props after he beat him. And he lost. And in his mind, I'm still Bobby. I'm still me, but I lost that one. And he beat me fair and square.

Put his gun holster back on. That's honor. That's honor. That's a guy who knows how to take a loss, too. You got to learn how to take a loss. The only way you do is you find out. You got gotta find out you gotta try to win and fail and learn is that not is that not damn near everything damn near everything damn everything in life everything in life yeah you know you gotta try see what it is if you don't if it don't work out but don't even

feel bad about this not working out this is a try but i'm not good i want to try to surf i'm probably going to up every time but you know it's like when i was on a mechanical boy i would love to actually bull ride but that mechanical bull is a too and i know that some part of my neck ain't prepared for a real animal so yeah but the real animal they stomp you when you're down fuck that the mechanical bull i'll take all day you know the i was i had my friend do you know monty franklin the comedian the guy from australia really into surfing and he had a really interesting point the other day he was talking about surfing he said kids today are so much better than ever before because of wave pools yeah they go to those wave pools and they get multiple chances at waves because the waves are just always there you don't

have to sit around and wait try to catch a wave you get wave after wave after wave so these kids are wicked like right out of the gate i was like oh that makes sense well that would be the way to start the way to start if you want to learn how to surf go to all those wave pools because you just always get a wave i always get away but when you go to the the real thing have you surfed already are you just thinking about it? Thinking about it. You're going to get a, like Laird Hamilton, the guy who made us our coffee, the superfood coffee. Oh, the turmeric coffee.

He's the man. Laird Hamilton, like he rides those big crazy waves and did like all throughout his career. I would, I'm in the stage in life where I want to try everything that I've ever seen. That looks cool? That looks cool. I think with my kid, because I want my kid to be so

well-rounded and I want him to be around other kids. I don't want my kid to go through the shit that I went through as a kid. That my family would move around so I would live in other places. I got different experiences. But why the fuck y'all feel like I'm lying because you ain't did shit? Like, I've done things as a kid, so why the fuck am I lying? But when you a kid, you don't experience shit.

You think everybody's a fucking liar because you're not doing it. I don't work there for my son. My son, so he speaks Spanish. It's hard for him to be around other kids that don't speak multiple languages because he want to say shit

to you or talk or he understands different shit or his experiences. To talk to him and you ask, well, what'd you do this summer? Oh, I was in Spain.

Nah, he's fucking lying. Right. No, I was in Spain for two months with my grandmother. That's what I did. What did you do over spring break? Me and my family went to Costa Rica for two weeks. We were just, you know, kicking on the beach. When you're around kids that don't do shit like that

or you're around kids that don't do shit like that or you're around kids that don't have these life experiences then you seem like the fucking outcast yeah kids that have more life experiences like you're taking your kid traveling like that that's giant for them it's giant see different people see the way people live in different parts of the world you know different foods different just different cities. Like I've taken my kids since they were real young. I've taken them all over the place. Costa Rica, Mexico, Italy. We've been to Italy a bunch of times. We were going to, before the pandemic, we were going to Italy every summer. I wanted them to see, like, I wanted them to see the

Coliseum. I wanted them to see Rome. I wanted them to see the Vatican. Like this is all, this stuff is a thousand years old. We're in a thousand year old church here. And the little kids, when they're little and they get a feel of that, I think it adds to the overall, the way they perceive life. They have a

broader access to experiences, to different kinds of things. Just think how broad your perspective is on things. Just think how broad your perspective is on things. You've been a lot of places, but just imagine hanging around people that have

done none of that shit. And every time you bring up experience, they're like, here goes Joe with the fabulous shit again. He's done everything. He's been here the fucking way.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Ask Joe, what is Australia like? Joe knows. Now you fucking

getting ridiculed for life experiences. And people don't know how significant this is, but I understand it. Yeah. Because

I had a daughter. My daughter's 23. She is the, she's one of the chefs at James Harden restaurant in Houston, 13. They call her the honey badger. She's so fucking tough

and talks to everybody fucking crazy. When the security guard called me, the security guy at the thing, he said, man, let me apologize. I was like, for what? I should have known somebody who's this small and talks so much shit

and tough would have been related to you. I should have fucking known it. I was like, what's going on? And he turns the camera. Is this your daughter? I'm like, yeah. It's like she talks shit to everybody in this whole place.

Don't nobody fucking play with her. It's like, yeah, that's pretty much my daughter. The honey badger? They call her the honey badger. So, she,

I've been a parent for a long time. She's 23. So, I remember, and I had this ability to remember being a kid and how my kids were. I picked my daughter up from school every day. I took her to school. My daughter knows that she has a father.

She has been elated about this shit her whole life until middle school, until she gets to the seventh grade. until middle school until she gets to the 7th grade. Under so much pressure of hanging with kids that did not have fathers, my daughter started to get irritated

that I would be there to pick her up because she didn't want her friends to know that she had a father. Then that puts her outside the group. Now you are at this school where you are in the gifted and talented program and you're there because you play the violin quite well. You're a violinist, so you're not in the same space.

You're academically inclined. You speak another language. You're doing this, but then you get to a place and you want to hang with a certain group of kids that don't mirror what you are actually about so now to have the father you're the fucking outcast kid so let me just let me try to act like i don't have no father wow wow so when i when i've messed around and got wind of it, I'm like, so what's the deal here? Like, what's the situation here? And I figured out what it was.

You was a peer pressure of this. So in life, if my daughter would start to dim her light to be around people, I had to think of myself, do I do the same thing sometimes? Sometimes I don't talk about certain experiences because people haven't had those experiences and I don't even want to go into it. Right.

Or how I visualize things or see things because I'm from a different place. I'm from an actual different place where certain things don't fly with me. But you're not going to understand that. So I'm not going to even fucking try to give it to you like this. I got to give it to you another way. But people don't understand everything.

When you don't want these things for your kids, I don't want my kids to be outcasted, ostracized because they had certain experiences. So I try to give them a balance of, look, this is how people are going to treat you because you're smart. Don't let people know that you had shit until they were real. You don't have to tell people what you're actually doing. You don't have to show anybody what you're doing you don't have to show anybody what you're doing just sit back and let it come to you but don't be around people that don't add or that you can add value to their life the problem with kids is when you're in school you don't have any choice does if you have a

group of kids you're in school these are the kids you know and you don't have any choice and if you get in bad relationships in school bad friendships they can set you back for a long fucking time you get in with the wrong group and the wrong peer pressure and you know one fucking wild kid that wants to go break into buildings and shit Oh boom well I moved out my when I was a kid we lived in Jamaica Plain, which was a bad neighborhood. And we moved from that to Newton, which was a good neighborhood when I was 14.

And I just dodged all that shit because all those kids that I was hanging around with when I was 13, they were all just starting to rob people and break into houses and break into buildings after they were closed. And those were the kids I was hanging around with. And if you, if my parents hadn't moved me to a nice neighborhood, who the fuck

knows what would have happened? A bad group of friends could change the course of the rest of your fucking life. So I parents, when parents see their kid with a bad kid, like, God damn it, you're hanging out with that fucking kid because they know that maybe it'll work out maybe it'll turn out okay maybe that kid will change maybe he'll grow up and get his shit together or maybe he'll ruin your fucking life too like what's the gamble of this shit like maybe he'll change nah i don't have time yeah it's like with you with the dog baring his fucking teeth. Yeah. I'm out. Yeah, fuck that. You know, it's... Why risk it, man?

This is with your kids, man. Exactly. I don't even play with teachers when it comes to my kids. I'm so particular about teachers. In United States teachers, I get people talking about the pay and all the rest of that shit.

This is the problem. Our educational system is completely fucked up and they understand that. But you only walk out for more money, but you don't walk out for a better curriculum. Right. That's the thing that teeter-totters would be. If I give you more money,

we still have the same fucked up curriculum. So what do we rank in the world in education? It's pretty low compared to the amount of money we have and the amount of freedom we have here. Yeah. So in Finland, we have more money than Finland. So my child goes to the school. What you get, 20 minutes to eat, 10 minutes to eat, five minutes. What do you eat?

What are you eating? What is the nutrition in the school system? Like, what is this teaching me? A school cafeteria doesn't teach you how to act in society when it should. In Finland it does. They sit down and they got,

in Finland you got a fucking five star chef back there fixing your food. In Finland? But who do you have in, I mean you got a lady with a fucking hairnet on that's giving you processed shit. Whatever that little food place that is delivering the food to the, it's not even nutritious. Then you got a teacher who really wants to be something else. Her fucking acting career failed or singing career failed or she's not the fucking juggler that she wanted to be or

he didn't go to the NBA so he's a fucking math teacher. You got some, not saying all teachers, some people you have too many people in this school system that wanted to be as failed as something else and decided to teach and they fucking fall back.

So in other places I got to go to school to be places, I got to go to school to be a teacher. I have to go to school seven more years after I graduate because they got to make sure that you're a person

that wants to actually educate our youth. You're not somebody that's doing something else. Your whole passion is to educate other individuals. That's your passion. And so now you have this person that's teaching your kid in first grade.

It got a fucking doctor's degree. And educate like this is it's like going to school and all the greatest people in whatever subject is your kid's teacher. subject is your kid's teacher. Now you come home and you have to ask this kid what they learned because there's no homework. I did all my work at school. I ain't sending shit home for

you to do. You're the parent. You work all day. Now I got to send some shit home for you to do? To explain some shit you ain't did in 20 years. I'm going to send him home to get the shit explained to by you. Okay. When the last time you done biology?

When? When? When was the last time you said, you know, some people can't even break down a fucking fraction right now. They ain't done it. Right. Hey, we need to change this whole number to a fraction, change fractions to a whole number.

You're going to have to go get a fucking book. Let me read this shit. I don't remember this shit like this. I don't remember trig like that. No. And I'm a fucking math person. I'm great at math. All forms of math.

I don't remember trig like that. I had to go back and look at trig when my daughter asked me about it. I'm like, oh, shit, let me go back and do a retest on daughter asked me about I'm like oh shit let me go back do a Retouch on there. Okay, this is gonna be like but What is the school system about here like We allow so much shit in the school we got so many fucked up and they want to go it's the parents It's teach man. It's it's a lot of it's a lot of things like first of all it's undervalued they don't appreciate it because if they appreciate

it they would pay them more and they would also make a better curriculum they would they would develop people and they would make sure that it's a safe learning environment for people so they would spend a lot of money and if it's a bad neighborhood they spend a lot of money on security they spend a lot of money on counselors they spend a lot of money. And if it's a bad neighborhood, they spend a lot of money on security. They spend a lot of money on counselors. They spend a lot of money on getting the best educators. And it would be a valued career. The problem is what you're saying, like people that take it as a second option. Yeah, it's because it's not a valued career in a lot of people's eyes. But if you did make it a valued career, if it's difficult to get, if it's a job that's hard to get

and you get paid a lot of money to do it and these are people that are passionate about educating people then you would change everything but you'd have to make it a priority and now today i think you know wealthy people they send their kids to private school and private schools take a better care of it because of the money that's involved in it. But it's a mess, man. Public school systems, and I went to all public schools, it's a mess in this fucking country right now. It's a mess, especially Los Angeles. Los Angeles is crazy. The public school system is a disaster.

How much time do you actually think kids spend learning in school? Very little. If it's eight hours, you there eight hours, I think they actually learn, they actually argue 45 minutes of actual teaching time Yeah, probably Yeah, where they're really paying attention and really learning something and and how much of it This is the other thing right even if you teach kids facts and stuff

Do you how much do you teach people about tools that you can use to navigate life? Like how to think about things, how to draw your own conclusions, how to establish your own perspective about something, and how to look at something in a mindset that empowers you. Instead of looking at things like, oh, woe is me, look at this like this is an opportunity for growth. Maybe you failed, maybe things didn't go your way, but now you learn because of that, and that is ultimately going to get you better you just got to trust the process they don't teach kids that they don't teach kids nothing like that and parents don't standards have gone out the fucking window. It's like, and the crazy thing is,

I go to a lot of places and get bad service. Why? Multiple things. I'm getting served by people who never had chores growing up. So you never knew how to complete a task.

Then I grow up, I'm getting served by a person who thinks that they fucking opinion matters about something they don't know about. I'm getting served by somebody who doesn't want to be here. And then you're not trained properly. so Chick-fil-A for some reason besides in D.C. everywhere else Chick-fil-A is fucking fine

besides in D.C. it's amazing that the same person that was at Arby's that could not give you fucking good service that was on the phone when they was taking your order that was cussing out the back in front of customers. This same person goes to Chick-fil-A and greets you when you come into Chick-fil-A

and take your order. It's so consistent there. What's the difference? How are they doing that? And they're pulling from the same pool of people. Right, same neighborhood. How the fuck are they doing that? You know what's also like that in and out same shit you go to in and out they're all super friendly i know they get paid real well at in and out for fast food workers it's a it's a valuable job how do they make it it's like whole foods

it's like whole foods i It's like Whole Foods. I don't ever have bad service at Whole Foods. And I don't ever have bad service at Bucky's. Right. Bucky's is fucking insane. I've never been to a Bucky's and the bathroom was dirty. Ever. Ever.

They have somebody that is focused on the bathroom was dirty ever. Ever. They have somebody that is focused on the bathroom. That's true. They have people that are focused on each section of Bucky's. I know one thing. You can't tip the cashier.

Everybody ever tell me they ever tip a cashier in Bucky's, they're a fucking lie. Because they won't accept it. Really? Because they tell you, no, we can't accept your tips. So you just leave it there and walk away? What do they do? They're going to tell you to take it.

What if you run out the door? They're going to be there when you get back. Because they make so much money at Bucky's. They pay them really well. So you think that's what Chick-fil-A is? pay him real well so it is the system it's a system you get at chick-fil-a you can end up on this you don't the way you can own a chick-fil-a if you work there oh really yeah you got a good to own a chick-fil-a you got to go through the chick-fil-a but that man ain't fucking around with

his brand like yeah and like I didn't even complain about this Chick-fil-A on 18th Street in D.C. And it was the worst fucking custom service I ever had. Like, I never even got spoke to. They never asked me money. I'm like, yo, this is not a fucking Chick-fil-A. Like, in my mind, I cannot picture this. They don't know. And everybody on the thing say, why don't you say something?

Why don't you say something? You can tweet it. And I guarantee, without me saying anything, and it probably got back to chick-fil-a people that chick-fil-a in dc they probably fixed it because that was insane i've never been to chick-fil-a i used to go to chick-fil-a when i was having a bad day i would go and chick-fil-a just to brighten my day up to get a lemonade and some fries it's like you come in like hey like my fucking day up to get a lemonade and some fries. You come in like, hey,

fucking Chick-fil-A. That's a good point, though, about Chick-fil-A. If you could apply that to schools. Some schools are great. You go there, everyone's smiling, the teachers are happy, the students have a better experience, and they're the same kids. You sent those kids

to a terrible place. Blindside! That man, Michael Orr, blindside. Fucked those kids to a terrible place. Blindside. Blind. That man, Michael Orr, blindside. Fucked up neighborhood. Moved his environment. Boom. It's just that simple. It is that simple.

If you change. It's hard to be bad when everybody else in the class is doing good. Right. Exactly. It's hard to have a bad attitude if everybody has a good attitude. It's a part of the environment. That's the thing. When you put somebody in an environment and it's all positive and shit is going well

and people care about you and it's so much, it's hard to be mad and you don't, like, what you mad about? Oh, shit. Yeah. don't like what you mad about oh yeah and all in all the kids have this too like it's night like it's like being in Canada I was in Canada and I always carry a knife maybe I go I have a knife and I got it because knife. Maybe I go, I have a knife. And I got it, I put it in my luggage, whatever. So I'm in Canada, and I put my knife back on my waist, and I'm hanging out with these Canadian guys.

And the dude saw the knife on my waist, and he touched me on my shoulder. He said, are you okay? I said, yeah, why, what's up? Why are you are you okay i said yeah wow what's up why are you carrying a on a weapon i said huh i said it's a knife like somebody you know something happened you know i'm gonna have a and that man looked at me with the whole thing like and then he said it like why would somebody be attacking you i'm like what i said people get attacked all the time he's like where i said man why i live in the u.s he's like

he looked at me like you gotta carry like a weapon everyday like wow and I started to think about the shit like in his mind me carrying a weapon

is like like wow like how are you living that you would have to carry like where do you live right at the carry knife like what is going on that you would have like what like his mind could not wrap what part of Canada was this I was in Montreal yeah that's pretty sweet narrative neighborhood Montreal is pretty nice I don't think i mean they must have some crime he they're the people who get locked up in montreal like you got to have a mental condition like you're locked up because you have a message they don't have a high

incarceration right like no they're so friendly up there to attack to be a this man could not they're so friendly up there to be a this man could not and then later on he extra he blew my fucking brain away he was like like I said something about cops and his mind was like what

like cops do what what are you saying like cops do what to you like so what is your relationship with cops like they police saying? Like cops do what to you? So what is your relationship with cops? They police officers and that is it.

What is happening with cops? And you got to think about it. They cops are different. And they're not living in the same place as you. They're not living in the same space as you. They're not living in the same space as you. They don't have all these things that they're going. Like, to not be seen as a commodity of the country, they don't have that.

Like, the number one commodity of a country is its citizens. Like, it's the citizens. It's like the crude oil and all the rest of the shit, none of that matters if it's not the citizens. Yes. Now your mind is gone.

Like, you're fucking out of space now because you live in a country that don't give a fuck about its citizens. Like, you're not the number one commodity in this country. It's like whoever pulling these strings for, like, something else is is way more important than your life. But they live in a place where, man, I, what? Like, the country cares.

Like, the country not trying to do nothing to me. Like, why would they? I got health care. I don't have to be impoverished here. Like, what is wrong with y'all? We don't live in a place where people feel like you are valued because of certain shit that you wouldn't do. There's no way in the world that a conscious person would say these pipes in Flint, Michigan, we are running water through these pipes and this is perfectly fine.

But then let's change and run the water through these corroded ass pipes that we know that's corroded. We know have a problem. Why would you do that? Like what would be the logic in doing that and fucking these people up? It's not no amount of lead that is okay for your body. The only reason is they don't give a fuck about the people.

That's it. And it's still bad over there, which is crazy because Obama was drinking that water on TV. Remember that thing? Can I get a glass of water? This is not a stunt. I just want to have a glass of water. And he goes and takes the water. Well, he takes the tiniest little Mark Zuckerberg sip.

It's a crazy video because it is a stunt. Because if it wasn't a stunt, you'd take a real drink. You'd get the, all right. That's not what he did. He didn't take a real drink of that that water that's obama we've already been through trump and now we're into biden and it's still fucked up they gave him some they gave the people money for bottled water no they they settled the suit so what does that do when i'm fucked up?

Not much. Depends on how much money you got and whether or not they can fix you. Even if you had a bunch of money, the man in fucking Silence of the Lamb,

that motherfucker there, he had a lot of money. Yeah. The one who wanted Hannibal. Yeah. The old man who had ate the face of, Hannibal had made him cut his face off or whatever. That man had a lot of money.

He still was very... A lot of money. Doesn't make you happy. You have to stand looking in the bed and doing all that shit like, yo, you fucked up, man. It don't matter what happens. You fucked up. So, you... Man, it it's I don't get how people do it like to other people like we live in a country doesn't affect them

that's how they get away with it they profit off of it doesn't affect them or they allocate profit and money rather to things that will benefit them and the people that are poor and the people that don't have a say, they don't put them a priority. I've always said that the way to make America better is to have less losers. Best way to have less losers is take all these economically deprived neighborhoods that are stricken with crime, filled with fucking drug dealers and gang violence and all that, and fix it.

Fix it. Fix it just like we try to fix other countries, like we try to nation build, we try to overthrow evil dictators and try to rebuild a country. Fucking do it right here. Fix it. Start with Baltimore. Let's go.

Start with South Side Chicago. Start with Detroit. Go to all these places that are fucked. Go to Flint, Michigan and fix it. Go to all these places that are fuck go to Flint Michigan and fix it go to all these places that are fucked up and start working make me the president for four years and give me free reign on this shit and I'm I guarantee the crime level would go down so low like what would you do? Oh man. We're going to start with

molesters and rapists. Let's start with that. First day. First day. You sentenced. I already know you're guilty. Oh, public display of the bullshit. I got to do it in public. Yo, I want the

president to be standing around on TV. Hey! Convicted molester here. I got to do it in public. Yo, I'm going to be on the president and be standing around on TV. Hey! Convicted molester here. Just want to throw this out there to all the people who may be thinking about molesting and raping people. You know, who say you got the voices in your head? Just want you to hear my

voice. Hear my voice and then hear his voice. I'm going to get me a real country white boy like the dude who stay down the street from me Java Java f-250 diesel he country boy I'm allow him now put a nice little rope around your private area nice little do he get nice little situation and I want to want the rope to be long I wanted to start at you and just gun that shit.

Just gun it. Just gun it. Don't stop. You just gun it. And you know that this shit is coming. You know that this man is about to snatch your whole shit off. Yeah.

Public. We'll patch you up right then and this is what happens. This point on. You can't keep your dick. You got to go. I'm ripping that motherfucker from your asshole out too. I'm not even.

You molest or you rape. You take any type of vagina. A little boy or little girl that don't belong to you. Without the conditions and sanctions of that person. This is the type of shit that's going to happen. And I'm going to get wild and wild each motherfucking month, too. You can't just do that

in front of the president. They have rules. We're not talking about that. We're talking about you giving me car blanche. We're talking about me getting full car blanche. But you're a dictator now. Yes! For four years. Four years that you can have your shit back. What are you going to do about, like, bankers? What are you going to do about shit back. What are you going to do about bankers? What are you going to do about corrupt politicians?

What are you going to do about all the people that are... All sorts of shit. So, bankers. Corrupt motherfuckers. This is how I'm going to be talking to you. Don't think I'm going to be doing any type of presidential shit. I would like to talk to the bankers. I'm like, bankers, motherfuckers.

I'm coming right there. Goddamn interest rate. You won't let people... Okay, you borrowing money and using my money and shit. Oh, I'm going to go God damn interest rate You won't let people Okay you borrowing money And using my money And shit Oh I'm gonna go Deep diving on they ass

Need all Oh and I catch you Embezzling And all that shit Ah The type of shit The dick off too For embezzlers

Oh I might It depends Depends on how hard Depends on how hard I think you fuck people Oh you fucked them that hard Dick off Need your dick off

Hey let me tell you something If you put in a man's mind That any crime Can get his dick snatched off Oh Best believe That would change a lot of things Just a mere fact

Hey man Hey man We can rob this bank Hold on Is that a dick off crime? Hold on hey man we're gonna rob this bank hold on is that a dick off crime hold on I need to be sure that's a dick off crime a dick off crime

any type of dick off crime I am not gonna be involved I need some shit that you should write this down a dick off crime is a great premise if you get okay you get that much of your finger cut off I risk it but dick off crime no no A dick off crime is a great premise. If you get, okay, you get that much of your finger cut off, I risk it. But dick off crime? No, no.

Anything dick off, I'm not fucking with you. Think about it. I'm hearing it. Ali, tell everybody when your special is, can you say when it's coming out? You can't say when it's coming out. I'm gonna say it's happening. It's happening. HBO, I'm having a special

come out on HBO. HBO. HBO. And you'll tell us when it's gonna be on. It's happening. HBO, I'm having a special come out on HBO. HBO. HBO. And you'll tell us when it's gonna be on. Come back again when it's out and we'll let everybody know.

You're a funny motherfucker. I love your stand up. Thank you. And I appreciate you coming here. It was a lot of fun. And Dick Off Crime is legit.

That's legit. It's a legit premise. Oh, tell everybody how to get you on social media, website, all that. My social media is Ali Sadiq, A-L-I-S-I-D-D-I-Q. That's all the way across the board. My website, everything.

I don't even know how to work my goddamn Facebook. I've been deleted or whatever the shit is. I've been violating so much. I don't even know. Terms of service. These mongers keep sending me letters on the Instagram. Your page will be deleted

if you don't respond to this. I'm like, I don't even know what to respond to. Like, yo, man, I'm playing music at, I'm videoing me at a radio station where I fucking work at. Like, how am I not going, I'm licensed. I at a radio station where I fucking work at. Like, how am I not going to?

I'm licensed. I work for the station, which, all right, I'm about to go, but that's not the point. The thing is, how do you not get violated on fucking Facebook? Dean Ice can DJ for 16 hours on Instagram, and all of a sudden I put one fucking clip over somebody singing something back. I'm fucking deleted a violation

I don't know but go go on anything AliSadiq.com or with the at behind it that's that's how you find me

I'm the bald head black one now there's a little Pakistani Sadiqi running around here he does music he doesn't do comedy his name's Ali Sadiq too?

yeah it's a probably a million of us. But you know it's not me because he has a full beard. That's how you know it. Oh, okay. He doesn't have the patches.

He don't have the patches, man. So HBO is getting ready. Stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned for the HBO. Yeah, I'm not even saying the name of the special yet, but it's going to be a good one. It's going to be some very interesting. I think the whole thing is very interesting.

I definitely put a lot of work into getting it together for HBO. Beautiful. Well, I hope it works out. Thanks, man. It was a lot of fun. I don't need it. for HBO. Beautiful. Well, I hope it works out. Thanks, man. It was a lot of fun. I don't need it. I was just here. I've seen,

I've seen. That's funny. When they showed me the chart, I don't even know if you ever looked at the chart of listening time that people spend with you versus other things,

watching or listening. That shit is insane. Yeah, I try not to pay attention. Yeah, because everybody else is like a three or two or so shit and top landing your shit is like 14 I don't pay attention to fuck you up and then you'll be doing it like hoping to get more numbers it's like checking likes on Instagram it's like it's crazy checking likes on Instagram. It's like, what's the point? Checking likes and followers. Oh, I got more followers. Just stop.

Live life. You don't get caught up in numbers. I appreciate you, brother. Man, I love coming here. We're already, this is three and a half hours in. No. Believe that? Can't believe it.

Time flies in this room. Appreciate you, man. Appreciate you, brother. So I'll see you again when you come out when uh we'll let everybody know it'll be on hbo and i'm sure it'll be great thank you all right bye everybody