The Joe Rogan Experience - #18 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: April 27, 2010

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

Gentlemen! What's up you dirty bitches? We're live. Refresh your browser. Then you can see us in the Ustream like we are. Seeing ourselves. I muted it, you fuck. You can't get me. Good job. So, hi everybody. It's week like 20 or some shit. So, hi, everybody. It's week, like, 20 or some shit. This is insane, dude. We're all the way into May almost. This is April 27th. Is that what it is?

Yeah, we started the, what? No, December. Yeah, we started it at the beginning of the year. Christmas. Yeah. We basically started at the beginning of the year. And here we are. It was number three last week on the iTunes for podcast,

which is ridiculous because the fucking production value is goddamn awful for iTunes. I apologize, ladies and gentlemen. It's kind of cool, though. It's kind of cool. It's fucking garage. It's going to get better. Well, it's definitely garage,

but we've got a bunch of new shit coming. Right now, this is just my desk. We have cleaned everything out. And the couch is coming in Thursday. And the green screen slightly after that. We got new MP3 audio recorders. Some big fucking serious jammies here. Before, look how small this is.

After, look how insane it is. Look at it. Ustream's fucking up on me. Well, I've been watching. We just went from zero to 850 viewers within, what, two minutes, one minute? Oh, yeah. That's what it is. So let's be boring.

So this is some new shit we got to make the sound better for you iTunes people. And thank you very much for putting up with it up to this point. And I appreciate all your suggestions. And I know people get harsh with their criticisms. But the bottom line is that's your real opinion. I appreciate it you know I've got a thick skin I've been in show business for a long time and most people have been saying I suck ever since day one so you get used to it but I think all your criticisms are valid we're working on the production quality we have real microphones now of course we have this and then we also have

I'll have to hold on to this for a second we bought some serious sennheiser microphones just like you would use in a recording studio so at the end of the day when all is said and done alcohol swabs alcohol swabs to disinfect it in between guests clean that shit off make it all nice nice we don't want any guests getting the herps. We're turning this thing into a real production studio. We're going to have cameras on tripods and the whole deal.

I'm stealing a page out of Anthony Cumia's book. Anthony Cumia is one of the dudes from Opie and Anthony. Super cool guy. He does a badass radio show from his house. He's one of the ones that gave me the first inspiration to do it because show from his house. And he's one of the ones that gave me, really, the first inspiration to do it,

because I saw his setup, and his setup is fucking badass. He has it set up basically just like a real radio show, you know, with, like, real jamming microphones, and he has a backdrop and a green screen. So I'm basically stealing all Anthony's idea with his blessing and with all due credit to Mr. Kumia. You should add something to it, like a hot tub or something.

You know how crazy Anthony is? You were with us in New York last time. Did you see his gun? Yeah, yeah. He carries a gun around everywhere. He has a special permit so he can carry a gun everywhere. It was weird when they brought it up because everyone else in the room was like, oh, no, no, don't talk about guns.

Yeah, it was really eerie. They were all concerned about him. They're all worried that he's going to go bananas and kill a bunch of people, which he may very well. Well, guns kind of make that already. If you bring a gun into a room, even if you're comfortable with your gun, you're now like, that guy has a weapon that could kill me. Yeah, that is kind of weird, right? That he wants to do that all the time. I have guns and I appreciate you wanting to shoot them and use them.

And it's good to have something in the house to protect yourself because there's a lot of crazy fucks out there. But carrying one everywhere is just a little strange. i guess hey what the fuck it's like better than yeah what's that expression uh better to need it and to have it than to not need it and have it something like that yeah what yeah something like that you know better to not have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. That's the expression. But, yeah, I mean, he's fucking walking around strapped. That's crazy. It's a big-ass fucking gun, too, man. He's got a Glock out of it at all times.

With talons, black talon bullets. I have some of those, too. But black talons are like, they don't make them anymore, man. They shred you up. Really? Like, black talons, they don't just go through you. As it goes through you, it spreads out. It's like talons

like it shreds the inside of your body out yeah for maximum damage like a mortar grenade or something like that yeah man and he carries a gun

are those even legal or did they just stop making them oh they're still legal if you have them if you have them your grandfather didn't end up in the league but you can't go out

and get them and Anthony's one of those guys and he finds out that oh these fucks they're making things illegal he'll go out to the store and buy like fucking, you know,

like wheelbarrow fulls. He's crazy. He's got like a room in his office or in his house that used to be a walk-in closet where his girl

used to keep her shit and now it's an armory. It's an armory. His room is all guns and ammunition and rifles and AK-47s and fucking pistols

and everything. And it's got alarms like you have to press separate alarms to get into that room retinal scanning he's like the goddamn punisher man yeah he's got a fucking room in his house with an alarm on it dedicated to guns you open the door it's all lit you know with like cool lighting and shit the compound too yeah his house is the compound he's he's a loon man. But being a loon makes for fun radio. He's fucking great on the radio, man. He's hilarious.

He's just a funny guy. I like that. Yeah, he's... That's one of the coolest radio shows to do. I have been doing them since like 2000. It's a fucking great show.

It's so much fun. It's just the best hang. You know, Jim Norton is the funniest guy on radio for sure. That guy's goddamn hilarious

on the radio. Just mean and nasty and quick. The shit that he says. Anytime there's some new thing in the news, he's always got a million. And he's riffing. He's just riffing. Just talking shit about people. If you haven't listened to them, Opie and Anthony,

every radio show is hit and miss. Even this fucking thing we're doing, obviously it's hit and miss. You can't be awesome all the time because it's just talking. When you talk for hours at a time, they're talking for like four hours at a time. There's going to be times when you're doing something that sucks. Did you follow the Tito shit at all? Should we talk about that?

I got to talk about it because I think it's very crazy. Especially if you're following it through TMZ. And if you don't know, tell everybody what this is. Well, supposedly Tito was just arrested for allegedly beating up Jenna Jameson. And then he came out and said, I never hit her. She has a big oxy, what is it, oxycontin? Oxycontin problem. You know, she's fucked up on drugs, and that's it.

So what I thought, I thought that was just weird. And then I was watching this clip on TMZ where it was Jenna saying, he did not beat me up. We had an altercation, you know, but he did not beat me up. People were thinking he's a wife beater. Then, like a half hour later, an hour later, Tito puts out a press conference saying, hey, she is fucked up on Oxycontin. And then immediately her story now is wearing an arm brace he beat me up and threw me in a hot tub. I think she had the arm brace even in the beginning. Really? But saying that he beat me up and threw me in a hot tub and all this shit.

That's a good move throwing a chick in a hot tub. If you're gonna throw a chick into something, well a hot tub you can bang her up. Yeah but she's a porn star so you should be allowed to throw her in a hot tub. That comes along with dating a porn star. I threw her in a porn star to fuck her. a hot tub that comes along with uh dating a porn star i threw her in a porn started fucker she retired in 2008 but uh um so i think she had a i think we she had the uh the thing on her arm in the beginning did she yeah but but it is kind of weird how the story changed right well if she does have that problem that's a terrible problem and i i know a dude who had that problem for a long time and he uh he got prescriptions from he lived in texas and he moved to la and he got prescriptions from both doctors he just couldn't help himself

he's very self-indulgent and he just got whacked out on that shit but apparently it's hard it's easy it's hard to get off and easy to get on like you just start popping it we've talked before on this show about a documentary and we'll just briefly say it if you haven't seen it just google the oxycontin express and it's all about how many people are addicted to this stuff in florida where they're wacky laws florida doesn't have a database of doctors so the way my friend did it he got a prescription in texas and he got a prescription here in california and then he started using both of them at the same time getting both of them refilled and i've got all fucking loony but in Florida you can go to like a hundred doctors you don't they don't have a database of doctors that's crazy it's it's scary shit because it's

like for sure it's pharmaceutical companies they absolutely know what the fuck they're doing with this stuff they have they've been accused and and convicted or it's been proven, rather, that they lied about the addiction qualities of OxyContin, that they knew and suppressed information. They knew that it was super, super addictive. I mean, it's basically, it's heroin in a pill form. When they call it hillbilly heroin, that's really what it is. If you've ever been to Florida, folks, you might want to go just to see these things called pain management centers I mean you know how people go on vacation to see like the Great Wall China you might want to go see on vacation to see the pain management centers because it's a fucking trip yeah it's a heroin store

shit's fucked up but I mean do you think did you see her reaction in the video did you see like yes she kind of looks here's the problem here's the problem with both of them right is I like both of them I can't talk about them I like Tito and you know I met Jenna back when she was

with her old husband and she's always been very nice to me she's still with him I heard I heard they never got a divorce I don't know

well either way she's always been nice to me and I can't talk shit about her but yeah it's not the whole thing's unfortunate I'll tell you who I can't talk shit about though

that faggot that was fucking Larryry king's wife and now he's talking about it left and right giving up all the juice like it was bad enough when all these women were coming out about tiger woods and the jesse james chicks trying to make her money like that's bad enough but this fucking guy that's's been banging Larry King's wife is the biggest bitch out of all of them. This fucking guy, okay, was the baseball coach for Larry King's kids, okay? He starts banging Larry King's wife. And he's banging Larry King's wife in Larry King's bed while Larry King's show is being filmed. Because Larry King wants to know where his wife is at all times,

so he makes her watch the show, at least according to this guy, so that he can quiz her. Like, what did you think about my show? Did I ask Tom Cruise the right questions? And so she has to be ready to answer. So he's banging her, and as he's banging her,

she's like watching the show, making sure she pays attention to what, you know, fucking Paris Hilton has to say to Larry King. No way. Yes. And this fucking guy gave up everything, man.

He's such a fucking snitch bitch. Wow. And this is a man, okay? This isn't a wounded female who, you know, dated a guy for a long time and he told her he loved her and she thought that she was going to leave him. You know, that's not what's happening here. This is not a, this is happening here. This is a man. This is a fucking man.

A man who knew the deal right from the get-go. And apparently she started buying him shit. Look, he's a young guy, okay? And she's hot for Larry King. But this guy was like, I'm in love with you. I want to marry you. This fucking guy was doing to her the same thing rich women do to older men. The same thing that fucking Larry King's wife was doing to Larry King. She was trying to get paid. And he was trying to get paid too.

And now he's like just spilling the beans for just all these magazines and he's talking about his acting career and Larry King helped him. So like kind of like Tito's telling the mother of his two children that my uh wife is a meth meth head you know and stuff like that now that's kind of like breaking a weird kind of trust like hey the woman that mothered your two children hey tmz no she's on meth she's a meth oxycontin oxycontin or whatever well yes i can see your point but if you want to help somebody maybe that would be the thing to do to make it public if someone's going wacky and accusing you of doing shit that you didn't do. It's telling everybody in the whole entire world and trying to ruin that person's career.

Well, telling the whole entire world that you're a wife beater, if that's not true. Yeah, but if you have a drug problem and you love that person, you know that then, all right, come on. Well, you know, we both know people with drug problems. I guess we can't really talk about it. Yeah, we can't talk about people with drug problems, but isn't it interesting when someone has a drug problem? The interesting question is,

and if you don't know anybody that has a drug problem out there, how lucky are you? You're so lucky. Because it's one of the saddest fucking things when you know someone who's addicted to anything. I've known people that were addicted to gambling. I know a lot of dudes that are addicted to pussy. And that's real.

There's people that are addicted to things. They're not just trying to get laid because they're hor they're just fucking they're obsessive you know and there's there's drugs that will fucking for sure take over someone's body and what do you do about it we've had the problem we've had problems with friends of ours you know like what do you do about it my friend johnny my best friend growing up my my dude that i used to play pool with and hang out with in New York, he died from drugs. He was 33 years old. You know, it could happen to anybody. Anybody that fucks around with drugs like Oxycontins and heroin and meth and stuff like

that and coke, you can get caught. And what do you do? What do you do if your friend gets caught? You rat him out? The fuck do you do? I don't think ratting out, at least not when you're in a situation where you're not only ratting him out to the whatever authorities right you're ratting him out to every single person in the world and when you're in a field where you are based off your your persona like you're like she makes money of who she is and like you know

she's playing like a role right so you think he fucked up by talking shit destroyed her her you know tiger woods style her in front of twitter Woods style, her in front of Twitter, in front of everybody, in front of everything, her career, and the mother of their two children. But if he didn't do that, let's just play devil's advocate. If he didn't do that, let's say that she just got super dramatic and fell down and decided to call the cops. Or maybe he grabbed her when she was doing something wacky and she fell down and hurt herself. Let's just, I don't know if that happened. I'm certainly not defending anybody who would do anything to a woman, you know, for no reason like that.

I mean, anybody who loses their temper and physically assaults a woman. I'm not defending that. But I've been in situations where people have accused me of things that I haven't done. And I know people that have been accused of rape. And I know, you want to tell your story oh yeah yeah because Brian has a great story yeah I mean I'm kind of in the same situation back in the day I dated a girl that was complete this a long time this is like ten years ago okay I dated this girl that was a blackout crazy drunk

like every time like like her parents were drunk since he was 18 she blackout crazy drunk like every time like like her parents were drunk since he was 18 she blackout every day just drank like boons like five bottles of bit how old was she when you were dating uh I would say she was like 22 something like that 21 22 something like that and I broke up with her because she was just one of those girls that like cheat on you like five times a day you're just like come on my first girl was like that too you still got a dick in you take the dick out first and then you know but but no uh so one time it was like it was always one of those things like i'd break up with her and then i was like oh god she has big tits i got you know you know oh gotta fuck her again but but then one time it was like six months we go by she

was trying and trying and finally i'm like all right look it's my sister's birthday this weekend we're gonna go out and have some drinks if you want to come out but you have to be cool you know you can't you know whatever and so she came out stupid it was blackout drunk embarrassing people you know i had to like get her in the car and stuff but get back to my house and i'm like look i'm going to bed you can crash downstairs or you can call you a cab or something you're not allowed to drive and she goes I'm fucking driving yeah starts breaking my shit just destroying my house I'm talking about taking picture frames and smashing it throwing things like I had this huge dent in my refrigerator where she threw something at my refrigerator

like it was like and I'm like grabbing her like stop stop you know get the fuck out of my house you crazy woman and so i opened the door throw her outside i literally threw not like hey threw her against a brick wall or anything i just like pushed her out the front door slammed the door went upstairs went to bed and forgot all about it how bold are you i was like that's a bold pimp move i there. I was like, let me do it. Well, if you saw the shit that she was doing in my house. Did you not look out the door to see where she went or anything? I did not care.

I was so upset. Didn't you just assume she would just start lighting your house on fire? Yeah, I think to a point I probably looked outside to see if she walked down to her car or something like that. But what she did was go to my neighbors start banging on their door at 2 in the morning go he threw me outside he won't drive me home call the police I need to go oh no I slept through see that's why you have to pay attention

I slept through all this oh no I guess the cops came oh no whatever and I was just like I remember then I woke up in the morning casually went downstairs making coffee get a doorbell ring the door open the door and the cops okay hey Brian damn we wish you wouldn't answer the answer the door we need to arrest you and I go what and they're like well we got three charges for your arrest I I guess, you wouldn't drive her home

and you wouldn't let her leave the house or something like that because I wouldn't let her drive. It was unlawful restraint because I wouldn't You wouldn't give her her keys? Yeah, I wouldn't give her her keys because she was blackout wasted. Oh, God. You should have called the cops. I should have called the cops, yes, absolutely.

But when you're, like, young and Okay, so you were falsely accused, sort of. You were involved in a fucked up situation where it's basically, it's a form of karma. I mean, you were involved with someone you shouldn't have been involved with. You knew your instincts were telling you to avoid them. Absolutely. The tits sucked you back in. Tits sucked me right back in.

So anyways, I got all these charges against me. And then I had to go to court spend i think it was twenty thousand dollars in court fees i had to go to all these different things like i went to this had to go to a psychiatrist that they made you go to uh and this is by the way all nicknamed the oj simpson law because after the oj simpson trial they now have it like a woman if a woman wanted she could go through the phone book and go arrest this person they hit me and without asking anything or anything they have to automatically arrest that person put them in the system tell people this shit just kidding people are gonna start so anyways we're not responsible yeah right so i just made that up yeah i made that up so i

so i had to go to like these psychiatrists and this one person, he was like the deciding factor. If this person says that they believe I'm a crazy woman beater, then it has to go to trial. And so we sit down, and then he goes, excuse me, what's the woman's name? This is in the psychiatrist meeting. I told her her name, and they're like, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop this right now. I actually graduated with her. I'm going to have to get my partner in on this. And so he couldn't interview me.

And so then he's like, to the partner, I'm like, all right, this is this guy's friend, you know, that went to school with this girl. The guy sits and listens to me five minutes and goes, yes, this is good to trial. He is out of control. And the whole time I'm like, I went home. She was going crazy. I stepped up, you know. And so then I had to go to court. So this guy liked the girl or something? she went to high school they graduated together in

the same class so he hooked it up for his friend well if you worked with your partner you're like hey I went to school with this girl fuck this guy up you know yeah that's probably what happened so I had to go then go to back to court to get that judge to approve like a separate person's had to say look they went to high school together and then you know they whispered so then i had to go to this other view but you got that off yeah i had to go to court though pay an extra what ten thousand dollars get that then finally what happens they dropped everything uh this is like twenty thousand dollars worth of court fees going to court for about two years they dropped everything for what's that ticket where you can go outside and just scream outside ah it's like a minor

ticket it's like a $50 ticket disturbing the peace yeah disturbing the peace but it's called something else it's not something else okay but I got that let's see if any of these fucking what's it called degenerates will know what that means yeah yeah but so and so it got all that dropped to that and the day mr jones 9 30 says let's hear the real story you chris brown that bitch no i didn't no and then what's funny is i have a uh mug shot and in the mug shot i have a black eye and my nose is all fucked up because she threw something at me and hit me in the face and i didn't even know about it so the moral of the story is if you know crazy bitch get the fuck

away from her disorderly conduct disorder but here's the here's the funniest thing is right that right when I did that the next day after the trial where they ended it and say alright disorderly contact pay a ticket she called me she goes I want you to know I'm so sorry about this I actually didn't press charges or anything the The police pressed charges, and they wouldn't let me. They wouldn't drop the charges. That's a true story. She's like, I had nothing to do with this.

I was pissed off that night. That's all that happened. I went to the cop. It's so great. Well, that's the truth. That is a part of the law. If you get accused of any sort of domestic violence, the police have to try the case. Right.

The law has to try the case. A woman can't just drop it. You can't drop domestic violence cases. Pretty nutty when you think about it. That is the problem. There's a lot of people that do a lot of fucked up things to human beings for sure, and there should be laws to protect people. But we don't know who's telling the fucking truth.

And if you run in bad circles and you hang out with crazy bitches, you could have a bad situation. So that's what sucks about this whole thing with them because they're celebrities if all that shit was on TMZ Tito and Jenna and all my shit was on TMZ that would be intense people think that you're a woman beater yeah yeah automatically I've already just told you soon probably half the people there think I'm lying you know I've never had a chick hit me I had a chick swing on me once

and I ducked under and grabbed her. And then I calmed her down and then it got okay after that. But I've never been in a situation where I hated somebody or I was with them and I hated them. But I know people who have, man. I know people that are in relationships that they fucking hate. And it's

almost always people that had really fucked up parents. It's almost always people that had really fucked up parents. It's almost always people that had parents that fought and for some reason they think that it's normal. And especially when you're young, they kind of like it because they think it makes them feel like an adult, like they're doing like adult type shit like their parents did. They're fucking screaming and yelling at each other. Like there's been many times, especially when I was way, way younger, my early days days for how to grip on the type of girls to date type of girls not date

if a girl was hot I would date her it didn't matter if she yelled at me I mean you had to be really fucked up from you break up with you you know especially in Boston because it's so hard to get laid in Boston in Boston if you're single you fucked it's not, too much stevia? No, I got all grinds at the end. I make cowboy coffee.

I make coffee with a French press and at the end of it, you get grinds. But I like it. It's all gritty. But, you know,

it's so hard to get laid in Boston. And when you're a teenager, man, I don't know about you, but me, when I was a teenager,

I had to get laid. To stay sane, I had to get laid. Otherwise Otherwise sex was all I thought about all fucking day. You know, nature has you primed for that. Nature has it set up so that if you're not fucking okay. And if you're like 17, 18 years old and you're not fucking, that's all you're going to be thinking about. You're not going to be able to concentrate on anything and you can get distracted so easy. You could get just completely removed from whatever path you're on. If you can get distracted so easy you could get just completely removed from whatever path you're on if you're trying to you know become a fucking sprinter in the olympics or you're trying to you know become an author whatever you're doing if you're not getting laid

a girl can come in and just just fuck up the whole situation just by giving you pussy yeah you know but when you know you're 30 something years old and you've been around the block a few times then then it becomes a matter of okay who's the dummy here you know who's the one who's being silly you know why why are you getting involved with these crazy bitches yeah this is what people need to do you first of all you need to get your own shit together that's like number one you need to be a happy person and you know a lot of people don't like weed but here's one of the things that weed is really good for if you smoke weed and get paranoid and you start freaking out about things Almost always those things that you're freaking out about are things that are in your subconscious that you're not comfortable about

The things that have been bothering you for a long time and you've been just trying to push them to the back your head And when you smoke pot whatever it is about pot, especially when you get too high, there's a quality to marijuana that makes you think about shit that you are suppressing. It makes you think about things from your past that you don't like. It makes you think about things that you did. And it makes you think about your own issues. Especially marijuana and the isolation tank together.

Dude, you haven't even used my tank. Have you done the isolation tank together dude you haven't even used my tank have you done the isolation tank lately have you been still doing that a lot do it yeah i always do it i wanted to do it last night but i was too tired i had to get up early in the morning and do radio for montreal i'm in montreal um may 8th i believe something like that at the metropolis is it may metropolis i? Metropolis. I think it's May 8th. Metropolis in May. It might be May 8th. 7th or 8th. 7th.

7th or 8th. Should I find out? I probably should. By the way, your Twitter name is now Joe Rogan. Yes. So it's not JoeRogan.net anymore. Yeah. There was a, I fucking, I scored.

I got it back. There's apparently a thing where you can where you can report when people are hijacking your image or squatting your name you know what's funny is that when they they switch it over they just deleted Joe's Joe Rogan dotnet name so they just let it free again like so he might could get it and so I grab I noticed it right away and I grabbed it but I didn't tell Joe I looked at I'm like motherfucker somebody got my shit. So I sent an email thing to him, a message to him saying, hey, I will give you an autographed

DVD and a CD if you give me that. I should have played along but I was like, I know how much you hate practical jokes, I wasn't even going to do it. Thank you very much. But it's funny because I don't know if you looked at the photo, if you go to JoeRogan.net now on the Twitter, if you look at the photo, I made his head more tilted so it looked gayer. So you'd be more like this. You'd be like, what?

All right. I got it. It's May 7th. May 7th. I'm in the metropolis in Montreal. So anyway, we were talking about having crazy people in your life and sex. And isolation tanks. And isolation tanks.

And about having good good relationships like the best way to to have a good relationship you've got to be comfortable with who the fuck you are you know and if you've got a lot of issues a lot of stuff that's bothering you you know that's gonna fuck up any chance you have of communicating well with other people because as soon as you get comfortable with that other person when you first meet someone you don't really let them in and you sort of project who you want to be to this person and then the person

does the same thing to you. But after like a few months or a few weeks, depending on, you know, how good your act is, most people, you get to know who the fuck they really are

and what their real issues are, you know, after a while. And they start yelling at you and they get upset at you for no reason or something and you start like tuning it all in and going,

oh, okay, you're fucking bananas. You know, you gotta not be bananas in order to get someone you're fucking bananas. You know, you gotta not be bananas in order to get someone who's not bananas. Like people, dudes will always say like, yeah, man, I'm fucking trying to find a good girl, dude. I'm just tired of all these bitches. Like meanwhile, you're a mess, bro. You're a fucking mess. You're a loon. You hate your stepdad. You know, you want to fucking beat dudes up at stoplights. You know, you're a mess. And unless

you stop being a mess, you're never going to be involved in a good relationship You're never going to be able to recognize You know other people that are fucked up like I've always said that one of the things about trying to be like super honest And I try to be literally as honest as possible like it sounds really kind of gay But I really do try two very important things one I try to be as nice to people as possible. And by as nice as possible, I wish I could be nice to everybody, but some people are fucking obsessive and they won't leave you alone or they're bananas or they're retarded or they're abusive or they try

to take advantage of you if you're nice. I mean, there's some people that you can't be nice to. Unfortunately, there's some people that, you know, they need fucking years of therapy. And when you run into them, you don't have the time for that. So you got to go, dude, leave me the fuck alone. Stop. You know, and it's unfortunate you have to do that but sometimes you have to do that so i try to be as nice as is humanly possible to get through my life and number two i try to be as honest as it's humanly possible i try to always be honest i try to uh make sure that everything i'm doing i'm doing from a place where i can be honest about it and if you can't be honest about it for the the most part, there's one thing, there's not,

one thing is being honest. Another thing is like TMZ type shit, like revealing all sorts of information about your personal life because people are creepy and they want to look, look into it. That's not honesty. That's like a revealing thing. And I'm not really into that. I'm not really into like becoming, going on a reality show and having everybody see my bathroom.

Like what the fuck is that? That's not honesty. That's just weird voyeuristic shit that people get obsessed with. But what I am into is telling you where I'm really coming from and what's going on in my own mind and be comfortable with that to the point where I am so honest all the time that I can recognize deception right away. And I find that to be really true.

Like if you're a really honest person, when people are full of shit, you just fucking spot it like right away. It's really difficult to lie to an honest person. Really hard. Don't lie! Remember that? We did videos and for a while after every video Brian was going, don't lie! And really it's a fucking awesome philosophy. Me and Eddie Bravo would have a competition who did it best.

Remember? Yeah, he tried to be. No, I could do it better. Don't lie! What was that all about? Eddie's crazy. He's very competitive. He is very competitive, Kevin.

Very competitive. I guess you have to be when you do that. Yeah, well, you know, he grew up in a situation where he had a douchebag for a stepfather. And, you know, his whole life has been trying to fight against people that are fucking with him. You know what I mean? So, like, he became hyper-competitive because of that. Anyway, so that's my advice. And to that bitch-ass dude that's banging Larry King's wife and running your mouth. You

faggot. Turn in your man card. You little bitch of a man. That's how you're getting by in this life? You're getting your money from ratting out some woman that you fucked on her husband's bed? You silly man. You silly, silly man. And apparently Larry King

had helped this guy and gotten this guy acting gigs. Keep your mouth shut, son. Why are you trying to hurt Larry King? What are you getting? 10 grand out of this, you little faggot? How much are you getting? How much are they going to pay him? He's probably doing it for the fame, too.

Exactly. He wanted to be famous. It's Spencer Pratt style. There should be a sitcom where it takes all these people called man card where they try to earn their man card back You know where he has like Spencer Pratt this guy and they all live in a house together and they have Spencer Pat is a fucking Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt he's a man exactly I've seen him on that show yeah claim black belt. That's hilarious Well look we're talking about him That's all he wants and he meanwhile is making a He doesn't have to work at 7-Eleven. Have you watched the show 16 and Pregnant?

No, I haven't. Apparently, Eddie Bravo says, I must watch this, and I'm going to write this down, Bad Girls Club. Apparently, Bad Girls Club is ridiculous. It's just like them all, though. 16 and Pregnant is even more fun. Do you have your email on or something?

What's that thing that keeps going on? Whatever. What is the show? 16 and P? Whatever. So what is this show? 16 and Pregnant. I've seen one episode and it's all white trash kids. They're yelling at their parents. Their parents are yelling at them. I was like, I don't want to be in this show.

It's awful. It's the worst show ever. That's too much info. That's a perfect example. We were in Ikea though the other day and they had a kid's room. It was like a bunk bed. It was real happy. But then there was a place for a baby.

kids room like it was like a bunk bed it was real happy but then there was like a place for a baby and i'm like wait is this just like you know poor person with only one bedroom and had to share like sister and baby or is this like no this girl has a baby and she's like 15. it was the big bunk bed and she's got a crib there yeah that's what i'm saying i'm like what is ikea doing i don't think that's what they're feeling i think they're just trying to maximize bedroom. Bedrooms, right, right, right. I don't think they're trying to market to the 60s pregnant crowd. This is like for too many people, Mexicans living in an apartment or something like that. Wow. Yeah, well, you know what, man? With this economy being the shitter the way it is, people are stacking more people into houses together. I know a person that lives down the street from me is losing their house yeah people are losing their houses left and right people

who have a really highfalutin lifestyle and spend tons of money and you know get used to it and get used to trying to bling bling and then the shit hits the fan I was thinking about moving the other day just you get sick of a place and you just want to upgrade you always feel like you have to upgrade your shit oh that's where out all my carpet have like wood floors underneath it now it looks great I'm like I'm fine yeah you shit. Right, always. I tore out all my carpet, have like wood floors underneath it. Now it looks great. Now I'm like, oh, I'm fine. Yeah, you just needed to change.

I think, you know, when I moved to Colorado, that was a good thing for me too, just to change environments. I think changing is good for your brain. I think it like refires your brain. Like your brain has to learn this whole new environment. I had a whole new friends, people I would run into at jiu-jitsu, whole new people I was meeting, whole new comedy clubs where I was working out my stuff.

It was very interesting to me. It made me fire my brain up. I think that's a good thing to do. You have to shock it once in a while. The problem is, the other thing is you build a base, though. I have a base in L.A. I have all my friends live in L.A. My wife's friends live in L.A.

I have my whole system set up where I buy my dog food. I have the guy who works on my car. You know what I mean? I have all this shit in L.A. I have my whole system set up where I buy my dog food. I have the guy who works on my car. You know what I mean? I have all this shit in L.A. where I train all the dudes that I've been training with for years. It's like you get real comfortable with that system, and it's very convenient. And when you move, you've got to reconfigure your whole situation. The problem is women. You bring women

and then they have friends. Like Chuck Liddell said, he goes, I can go to a sports bar. I'm there for a fucking hour. I got nine new friends. It's totally true. It's totally true because he's the fucking coolest guy ever.

He's super friendly. He's like, you want a beer? You want a beer? Come on, I'll buy you a beer. You clinking beers with some guy? What do you do? I'm a fucking plumber. Hey, you know, I'm this, I'm that.

And guys can meet guys like that. You know, like I tell a story about uh the one time that i i hosted a jack and jill strip club in in rhode island i've told you the story before right yes it was a male and a woman stripper and it was the horrific they were they were both disgusting there was like maybe maybe six to ten people in the audience at most during the whole night's performance and I had to perform a bunch of times I would go up and do stand-up and then the male stripper would go on I would go up and do stand-up and a female stripper would go on and they would do shifts and they would take some time off and then I would go on stage again and they would start the

show all over again the woman would go up and the guy would go up do everyone in the audience was like these weird people from this area Woonsocket Rhode Island but there was this one dude who was there who was a construction worker from New Jersey. And he just happened to be in town because there was a marriage or something like that, a wedding that he had to go to for someone in his family. And he was bored, so he got out of the house to go have a beer. There's a bar down the street. So he goes to this Jackie Jill's Trip Club.

And he was a totally normal dude. And me and him were talking, having beers. Like, well, he goes, what the fuck are we witnessing? Are you at least seeing what we're in this is like one normal dude and me after the first two beers it's like i hadn't known this dude for fucking 10 years right we're just you want to play some pool yeah let's fucking play some pool so there's a little corn operated pool table we're playing pool making fun of the whole situation like i found a friend like for girls that's hard to do man yeah bitches don't trust each other man man. I learned that from having dogs. Having pit bulls.

I had two female pit bulls and one of them killed the other one. They would fight and I would separate them. And I thought they worked their shit out. Because the way dogs work their shit out is one dog will dominate the other dog. And then you figure out who the alpha is. They have to do that. They have to figure out who gets to drink first, who gets to eat first. That's just the wild animal world. And you have to be number one. That's

why you can never let your dog get away with shit. You can never let your dog growl at you. You can never let your dog do things they're not supposed to do. Because you have to be the alpha, especially if you have big dogs. Well, this doesn't work with females. Females never accept dominance. They would always come back and try to battle it out again. And that's what they did until one of them killed the other one and i think that's how women are with women man i think women can be friends with women and they they have really close friends and you know they go all sex in the city and pal around together and shit like that but it's real difficult for them to make that kind of a bond right to trust another woman that trust them and this that it's i think it's easier for dudes

you know yeah i agree It seems like that's the cat fight thing. Yeah, especially if there's dudes that are doing stuff that you like to do, like comics. If I meet comics, I can go to a new town and do stand-up and there's some local comics. I'll fucking meet local comics all the time.

Next thing you know, we're out having a beer together. We're hanging around. We have something in common. Or jiu-jitsu guys. Like, there's like fucking ten dudes in jiu-jitsu that I train with all the time that could totally be good friends of mine. They're just, you know, dudes that, especially jiu-jitsu guys, because they have good control over their ego. You know, jiu-jitsu guys, to get good at jiu-jitsu, you have to battle it out all the time, and you have to be real objective. You can't be delusional at jiu-jitsu. to battle it out all the time and you have to be real objective you can't be delusional at jiu-jitsu you have to really know what your strengths are what your weaknesses are and you got to be able

to deal with tapping out you got to be able to deal with dudes dominating you because in the beginning for sure you're going to get dominated everybody gets dominated in the beginning nobody unless you're just so big that nobody can touch you some 300 pound brock lesnar character you know you're going to get tapped out in the beginning. So you have to have the kind of ego to deal with that. But for women, I don't know. I think it's much more difficult. It was really difficult for my wife, especially when you have a little baby. You know, what are you going to do?

You're going to meet some other lady who has a baby? And how much are you going to have in common with this broad? What if she's Christian? What if she goes all loony-toony on you and wants to fucking talk about Noah's Ark and shit? You know? Right? Yeah.

I got some guy fucking cornered me at the supermarket the other day some dude that I guess I had met him before but I forgot you know there's some law that you can only or there's some studies that say that you can only keep like a hundred and fifty people that you know in your head no I haven't seen that but I totally believe it because I think mine's like ten I don. Is it from weed? I don't know if it's from weed or I just don't care. There's so many things when, like, you know, like I'll meet somebody or somebody tells me something.

And if I don't care about it, I just, like, I put that, like, on, like, the coffee table. And that's about to be thrown out, you know. I don't put it in my deep storage. I put it in my random memory, you know. Yeah, here it is this there's uh i don't know working memory there's there's i don't know i'm trying to find it on google and i don't want to waste too much time looking for this but 100 it's apparently you can only remember you can only have real relationships where you know 150 people where you know their name and you know you only have a certain amount of space in your hard drive when it comes to human beings

and that to me reinforces my feelings that human beings are supposed to live in small tribes we're not supposed to live in these gigantic you know fucking tribes of hundreds of millions of people well it's also if you if you ever get a Simon Says, you know, like, where you follow the colors. It also is a, I don't know if it's a, we're supposed to live in small tribes, as in, if I can do Simon Says, but right up to like the 14th one, my brain falls off.

And it's always like the 14th one. It's almost like that's just my max. You know, like that's my hard drive's full. I can't do anything past this 14. I might be able to train myself to, to like micromanage how many things I can remember. But, uh, it's weird. Like if I pick up a Simon Says right now, once I hit the 14th one, I can't do it. Like it just turns off almost. Well, I think everybody has a different threshold for that. Right. Oh, I'm saying everyone does.

But I think for, uh, for names, think for names, it's pretty locked in. Wouldn't that fall on the same thing, though? Just memory. Well, I think, well, think about how many words you know. You know,

we know thousands of words and words that we don't even use. Oh, yeah. You can, I mean, serendipitous. Yeah, but that takes up most of our hard drive.

Most of us use serendipitous. Yeah, but that takes up most of our hard drive. Is that what it is? Our dictionary. How about those fucking people that just spout out, you only use 5% of your brain. It's always some random number. Right, right.

You only use 10% of your brain. I'm like, really? Do you even know what the fuck you're talking about? Are you just like reciting some shit that someone told you in high school? Like this is the year of Google, right? You're not supposed to be just saying we only use 2% of our brain. You know, you don't fucking know. But anyway, this dude that I met at the grocery store, I did not remember him.

Right. And he said he's from jujitsu. So I said, hey, what's up, man? How you doing? So I think it's just going to be one of those casual, what's up, man? How you doing things? And he's like a little taken aback that I don't remember him. And then he laughs it off.

It was real awkward socially. So take care, man. So I'm shopping. I'm doing all my shit. And then I'm leaving and uh when um i'm going out to my car he hits me with joe do you go to church and i'm like no you motherfucker and i've got a car and you know i want to unload my food and i want to get the fuck home and this dude is like cornering me in the parking lot and so i uh i say no i don't said, are you interested?

And I say, no, I'm not. And he goes, have you talked to blank? And I don't want to say who blank is, but he is a friend of mine. And he was saying that this guy, has he talked to you about the Lord? This guy is fucking, this guy who we're talking about, this friend of mine is fucking bananas. All right. You know, nothing wrong with cheating on your wife but this guy like literally was planning on killing her i mean he's fucking really yeah he's

crazy he didn't do anything and he got away with her and the whole day but this the guy he was talking about was like i don't want to say anything other than he's probably one of the worst examples you could ever possibly use he just doesn't know it's the best example you could have used for religion. Well, yeah. I mean, this guy, he just doesn't know that this guy's bananas because a lot of people don't know this guy's bananas.

You know, but, you know, so I'm like, come on, man. Like, I don't have time to break all this shit down for you. You know, if it's helping you, that's all well and good. But just running up to people and thinking you're going to save them

in the parking lot because you couldn't get your shit together. Like, you don't have to save me all right i'm pretty fucking happy and if you really truly believe that the only way i'm going to get to go heaven go to heaven is kirk cameron style where you have to fucking you have to accept the lord you ever seen kirk cameron go up to like gangbangers you gotta google that shit on youtube watch kirk cameron's videos where he goes up to people and uses his fucking 13 year old logic. He uses like fucking 7th grade

logic on these people. Make sure when you Google it type in Kirk Cameron owned video. There's a lot of those. Because that's even better. Yeah, when he starts talking to people who actually read, he's fucked. Yeah, it's awesome. He's so bananas.

I think Kirk Cameron is almost definitely gay. The more I watch him in these videos the more I'm like, there's awesome. He's so bananas. I think Kirk Cameron is almost definitely gay. The more I watch him in these videos, the more I'm like, there's nothing masculine about this man. He's very submissive and has desire for chastity and his desire for, you know. If I met him, I think I would go over the edge and just do something. Try to kiss him? No, no, yeah, I'd pull out my dick and just start going like, look at it, look at it. You know, just like go, you have to like, hit the,

I would go to jail for that. Just, you know? I might fuck him. I might fuck the camera. Just hold him down. Fucking Kirk. Hold him down, jerk off on his chest or something like that.

See what he does. Should I stick his tongue out? No, stop. Ah. I remember, you know, what sucks is I used to like him back in the day with his show, with the growing page. But I also thought that Tracy Gold was hot, so I guess I'm just stupid. Well, his wife was super hot, right?

Or she is? Still his wife? Still his wife? Oh, no, his real wife. Yeah, his real wife is super hot. There's something the matter with that dude. He's chasing down the Lord. I can understand you wanting to study what Christianity, what to me, in my

opinion, is an ancient philosophy. It might be incredibly flawed, but there's some very good things to it. There's some very good ideas. Love one another as you would love yourself. Treat each other as brothers and sisters. All that stuff is very good, but it's got a lot of wacky nonsense in it

that makes no fucking sense. And if you really want to study it, if that's your thing look it's just there's nothing wrong with people studying like Greek mythology you know like getting into like Zeus and Mithra and all that crazy that's kind of cool exactly it's interesting but when you really get into like Christianity and start thinking that this is the real stuff like this is the what the fuck are you talking about and then you're gonna grab other people and you need to listen to me. You need to listen to me. It's all parents though.

I would never have thought that if my parents, when I was a kid, go, look. Some people know though, man. Medusa is not real. Some people are born against. It's not their kids. It's not their parents. Yeah, but I bet those are – it's really hard to be a born – like never learned it growing up and then going straight into it. I don't think it is if your life falls apart.

I think if your life falls apart and all these people that are into Jesus seem happy and they seem like they have a path, because that's really what it's all about, man. You know, you have to have a path. And today, people, if you think about the way we used to live, the way our bodies are programmed to live, I mean, we're supposed to be living, you know, in fucking huts and caves and shit. I mean, the hardware that we have right now is basically the same hardware the same adrenal system the same you know neurosynapses that

connect the same way as people that lived a hundred thousand years ago if you took a person from a hundred thousand years ago and sat him in the corner right there he would be unrecognizable and he would be totally normal you wouldn't say like like, what the fuck? That's a caveman. No, he would look just like us. But yet a hundred thousand years ago, they had very different needs, man. There was a, you couldn't, you, you had shit you had to do. You had tasks. Okay. You had to go out, you had to find that fucking food every day. You had to hunt that shit down. That's what it's like a visceral thrill involved in hunting. Like hunters will tell you, like you ever watched like Ted Nugent talk about it? He makes it very appealing.

And Brock Lesnar, he's got videos of him hunting. It's a rush. It gives these guys a rush to kill the animal and get their meat. And it's not like a cruelty rush. They want to kill and fucking hurt and destroy. No, it's a man is supposed to be out there shooting animals and killing them. You ever plant food and then eat that food? There's something very exciting about that.

Very, very rewarding and fulfilling. And to a lot of people, their life is filled with nothingness. There's no task. Every day it's just show up at work. Do what you're told. Do your paperwork. Stare at the clock. Beg for 5 o'clock.

Get the fuck out of here listen to your wife bitch have a beer watch law say what the fuck is going on fall asleep do it all over again there's no task there's no real there's no real so there has to be some meaning to it all so someone comes up to you and says hey man i know you feel that way i used to feel that too until i met the lord that emptiness in your life is that you don't have the Lord. When really that emptiness in your life is just your fucking hardware, man. It's just your hardware. You know, dude, you think about the way we are wired.

We are not wired to deal with this world that we live in right now. We are wired to deal with thousands of years ago. Fucking 1830 something was when they figured out the camera. That means everything before less than 200 years ago, if you want to know what someone looked like, someone had to draw that person for you. Do you think of how crazy that is? They had to draw your person. How many fucking people can draw? You know, I mean, how many, how many people do we really know from before 1800 what they really looked like? It's fucking guesswork. Unless you were Napoleon. You know Napoleon we have hundreds of

drawings that guy we got a pretty good idea what he looked like. Abraham Lincoln pretty good idea what he looked like you know but you go go way way way back a 500 years ago what the fuck. Black people didn't exist back then. You know white people have only existed for a short amount of time. There was a recent study where they figured out how long white people have been around. I believe it was like 10,000 years or something silly. Let me see. I'm going to Google that because that's an important thing.

How long have Caucasians existed? See, I think black people came before white people. And I'm sure a lot of people don't believe that. You think black people came first? In an art kind of way, like using palettes and colors, it has to go that way. You think so? Yeah, you can't go that way.

Black turns into white, but white's not going to turn into black, color-wise, if you're mixing colors. When did people evolve to be white? What would I look for? When did people change, become white? Let's see. When did people become white? Why did people become white?

All right, that's why. Vitamin D probably. Okay, there's another saying between 100,000 and 50,000 years ago. Hmm. Lower levels of vitamin D at higher latitudes where the sun is less intense caused a lightning effect where modern humans became,

who began darker skin first migrated north. So human beings have been black until about 50,000 years ago when we started moving around. And then the climate changed us. That's pretty fucking crazy shit, man. When you really think about it. So this banana head that tried to convert me into Jesus.

At least with Jesus, you're allowed to fucking draw a picture of him. How nutty is the fucking South Park thing? Dude, that's ridiculous. Did you watch the episode? Oh, yeah. Part one and two. Did you see both of them? No, that's ridiculous. Did you watch the episode? Oh, yeah. Part one and two. Did you see both of them? No, I couldn't watch it.

It was driving me crazy. I was so mad at Comedy Central for beeping out every time they said Muhammad. Oh, so you just did the first one? No. Go see the first one. They didn't do anything on the first one. The second one, because of the first one. It's so annoying, though.

When you see every time they say Muhammad, it beeps. And then how about when he's in a fucking The bear suit and it comes out and it's Santa Claus In the bear suit Dude the first episode he was in a U-Haul And that was like Legally that's what they thought That they wouldn't get in trouble with

So they drove Muhammad around in a U-Haul And they're like Is this okay Muhammad? Yeah I think it's okay. You know, Penn Jillette said something on his Twitter today, and I'm paraphrasing, but basically said the measure of a religion is

how much you're afraid, what you can say about a religion is how much you're afraid to talk about them, or when you're afraid to talk about them. How crazy they are, basically what he's saying. And Penn is a very staunch atheist, and I've been friends with that guy for a long time. He won't even consider the possibility that there's some sort of an intelligent life to it all. He's very scientific, but unfortunately he's never done any psychedelic drugs.

He's never done anything. He's never had a drop of alcohol. He's never even had a single drug except for when he's had to have surgery when they had to drug him he like takes it very seriously to be sober all the time which is not well and good but i think you know you can't really understand what's happening in the psychedelic experience unless you've had one you know point is this fucking muhammad thing man it's not i like how they compared it i don't know if they did in the second episode man I like how they compared it I don't know if they did in the second

episode the first one they compared it to Tom Cruise suing anyone that says he's gay it's kind of like the Muhammad thing

you know where he's like what you're not allowed to talk about him being gay listen I'm gonna tell you right now you can talk about

me being gay all day long I don't care if you go online there's pictures of me with dicks all over the place. That's the golden rule of the internet right? I've always said that. If there's a picture of you on the internet somewhere someone has photoshopped a dick in your mouth. I fucking love South Park though.

I was watching Orgasmo last night. I don't know if you've ever seen that one. It's a movie that Trey Parker wrote and directed and stuff and where he's a Mormon and he gets into porn but that alone is a great movie. how they're always battling religion and it's or Trey is at least it's just a fucking love they're the best they're the best

they're the most prolific their show's the best it's the most speaks to like my sense of humor the most it's silly but it's spot on

and brilliant just the fucking Barbra Streisand dinosaur monster you know machine thing that they had i mean even that do you ever see uh they i don't know i think i've told you this before there used to be a website

called shockwave.com used to be shockrave.com which was a bunch of flash movies and stuff and they originally paid trey parker and matt stone some crazy amount of money but i saw it what was it it was a show called princess and And what it was is they were paid tons and tons of money to do, and they were uncensored. They were like, you can do whatever you want, uncensored. This is going to be big on the internet, and we're going to give you $30,000 an episode or something like that. And so they hired Trey and Matt to do this series of 24 episodes. They got to the second one turned it in we're like well

this is great they're like whoa whoa we said uncensored but this is this is out of control too far if you uh go online and have it on my website redband.com uh just google uh princess uh Trey Parker or princess red band you'll find it and what it is it's just it's all about this fluffy little dog it looks like a shih tzu and it just sits it is it's just it's all about this fluffy little dog it looks like a shit zoo and it just sits there and it starts off it's like all about this dog and then it's just like crazy stuff's going on in the background that this cute dog's watching like it's watching two people fuck it's watching somebody get murdered it's like it's like it's all about this cute little cute little dog watching all this horrific shit. And it only got to two episodes.

And even though they said they were allowed to do anything they wanted, they're like, this is too fucked up. We quit. No, you guys keep the money. You can't do this anymore. It's the best, best two videos I've ever seen in my life. And I wish Trey Parker and Matt Stone would finish that because it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Those guys are so crazy. They're the craziest. They just take things the deepest. You know, like I remember when we saw Team America. I remember being in the theater going, I can't believe where they're going with this. I can't, you know, when the dude starts throwing up and keeps throwing up. It's like, you know, like a fucking football field full of puke and he's laying in the center of it. I mean, they took it to the utmost.

They took it to the... It's total shock humor, but brilliant shock humor. Yeah. You know? Like, it's not as funny the second time around, like the throw-up scene. The throw-up scene the first time around, when you don't know it's coming, it's just... God damn, it's funny. It's like one of the...

They're the best. If they have a movie coming out, I'm always more excited than anything else. Except them and Borat. Borat and... Or them and and you know ollie g it's like close so i don't know if borat's ever going to work on me anymore yeah i wonder what he's doing now i wonder if there's like a third movie because i i don't know that last time off maybe if he takes time off if he goes to places where people aren't aware of it like if he goes to to the South, that's where he tried to do before. Tried to go to the South. Well, it's almost like Mike Myers fell in the same category.

I watched the last Goldfinger movie or whatever he did. He was just playing the same character over and over again. And the other day I watched one of my old favorite movies. So I Married an Axe Murderer. And I used to love that movie. I watched it the other day. I wanted to fucking puke and beat people up because it was so awful.

Like, Mike Myers, to me, has died almost. Dude, his last movie looked like, like, you know, those movies where they have a guy who used to be funny and then all of a sudden,

like in the movie, he takes a terrible turn and then he's not funny anymore. He's putting out crap and the people are shaking their heads and he's in the down spiral of his life. That last movie where he played the Indian guy, the love guru.

Gold member. Whatever the fuck it is. The love guru. When you watch the ads for that, you're like, okay, what is funny about this? This is like anti-funny. It's like, this is like a guy who forgot what funny is and it's just like...

But what's crazy is you go back as far as Swipe Merit and Axe Murder, which was way before Austin Powers or any of that stuff, it destroyed that movie. Because that was

the same character as all his other movies. It was so awful. It's, man, can you imagine? I haven't liked him since Wayne's World.

Oh. I love Wayne's World. Like Shrek 3's coming out. Yeah, I'm not a Shrek guy. Wayne's World was fucking genius. Him and Dana Carvey were awesome. I'm not a Shrek guy. Wayne's World was fucking genius. Him and Dana Carvey were awesome.

I mean, when those movies were on, they were on. I mean, those were great, great, fun movies. But the new stuff he does, I don't even like the Austin Powers movies. I never got it. I liked it. It's not my shit. Did you hear about the iPhone leak? If you don't know about this, the iPhone, they have an iPhone 4 that came out,

and it's like some crazy-ass new iPhone with a front-facing camera. And, well, apparently some dude, and this is the story, and a lot of people think that this is all bullshit and hype, and it's just making the iPhone story bigger. I personally don't, because I don't think Apple would ever release a thing on purpose,

you know, and have people find it. A lot of companies do this though. A lot of companies, the viral marketing nowadays that's being used on the internet is so amazingly deep and like you would not think of the shit that's happening. Like Chuck Liddell and the Reebok commercial. Exactly. Where he's naked and all that stuff I mean it's ridiculous I could almost see this to build hype with cell phones because if you look there's a website called boy genius report calm and you could totally tell this guy's in bed or he was in bed with Blackberry at one point like there was times where there's like alright you got this phone like a year ahead of anybody else and you already have it and have already a video of using it and

stuff like that that seems a little fishy that your friends let you borrow it and when it comes out like a year later you know there's and I almost think it's just shit to be leaked out kind of like on the internet they're gonna see what people's reactions are try to tweak things you know it's almost like we're you know some of it i'm sure so i don't believe no about this apple thing though that's yeah it seems to me like the dude got fired did he get fired yeah he got fired police are involved now yeah but the gizmodo guy they broke down his house they broke down his fucking front door took all his computers the reporter that that recorded

yeah well he got a copy of it they paid five thousand dollars for the for the actual phone so they paid money for the actual phone. So they paid money for the phone, and apparently Apple's saying that that's their stolen property, and you're not supposed to be having that reporting on it. So they went to the guy's house, who wrote this whole report, broke down his house, took all of his fucking computers, took two servers. The guy had servers in his house. That's a super geek. Yeah.

Well, he is a super geek. I mean, he's the main editor of one of the biggest tech websites. Not only does he get free shit, what I'm more interested in is imagine somebody coming to your house, taking your computer. Took everything. And took everything. That shit freaks me out. Why take the computer, too? Because a computer had nothing to do with a cell phone.

I think nowadays, that's one of the most scariest things ever. Somebody can now come in and take your diary and put it into their database. Your old diary, never would you ever think like, okay, the cops just came and took my diary. Now they know everything about me, every feeling, everything. Now that's what our computers are, diaries now. Yeah, you get all your emails from like a fucking million years. So this guy bought an iPhone and now his diary is owned by the government.

Yeah, every photo he's ever taken, all on his computers. Why do they think that they can just take your computers? Is it to get a, like, a track, tracking of the emails to see, like, you know? I think it's an open door that they're allowed to do. I mean, if they can,

they can pretty much, it's like searching your car. You know, cops want to search your car regardless. Even if they're just trying to pull you over for a seatbelt, they want to search your car and see what else they can find. But but i mean they a lot of people are saying that this warrant was uh unlawful and that they shouldn't have been allowed totally unlawful

are you sure it's a it's a cell phone somebody bought a cell phone from another cell right but they bought a stolen cell phone a cell phone that's basically stolen property i mean the guy lost the cell phone but it's the property of Apple and it's very sensitive property because it's a prototype. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you're right. I think basically they fucked up in stealing the phone or in buying the phone. What they should have done is given the fucking phone back to Apple. I mean, the company doesn't want you reviewing their shit before it's out yet. I mean, I don't think that's a huge request. If you know that it's their shit,

you're doing something illegal. I think they more fucked up, Gizmodo, more fucked up just letting everyone know who the guy who lost it is, putting his face on their website.

Yeah, they took pictures of him going and everything. Yeah, that's fucked up, man. You know, that's... Well, the dude, though, was going to get busted anyway. Yeah. He doesn't have his

fucking phone anymore. Yeah. Really, what they should've done if they knew all this shit is give him back his goddamn phone. I. Really, what they should have done, if they knew all this shit, is give him back his goddamn phone. I think, or the way they should have done it is just like, oh shit, it's just a cell phone.

Everyone chill the fuck out. What? It's got a front-facing camera now? Whoa! You know how dumb this is all going to sound in October? We're like, yeah, everyone's got it now.

All right, chill the fuck out. That's going to crush AT&T's service. If you think AT&T's service sucks a big bag of dicks now, wait until that front-facing camera comes out and everyone everywhere is going to be fucking you streaming while they're driving their car, talking, singing the fucking Black Eyed Peas.

I got a feeling. Oh, that's great. Woo-hoo. That tonight's getting... There's going to be a million fucking people doing that all over the country. Bring it on. Like I've always said,

that's going to be the end of the world is when everyone has their own channel and everyone basically is like a walking television channel and instead of like hey what's your fucking facebook page can i facebook you what's your twitter it's going to be what channel is your life you know you're going to have a fucking helmet on there's going to be a front facing camera that shows you as you're walking through the world and you know you're going to have a video camera that shows you as you're walking through the world and you know you're gonna have a video camera broadcasting everything you do it's kind of like what you stream does and what like justin tv does you know justin tv originally was called life casting which was 24 hours a day

uh following around justin who i had a camera filming his whole entire life do you remember when we were in san francisco and justin tv was going to give us a laptop and a backpack? That was really weird. With a cellular connection. That was really weird. It was so strange. The dude who came to the show was so shady. He was like, no, we're going to hook you all up.

And then we go to lunch and he goes, this is the laptop. This is the camera. All right. And then he put it back in. He's like, what were you supposed to do there? Well, he said he was going to get it all to us. And we started making fun of it. Oh, that's right.

We were. And we were like, what if it cuts out? This is silly. We've got to carry a backpack around. What am I going to get it all to us. And we started making fun of it. Oh, that's right. We were like, what if it cuts out? This is silly. We've got to carry a backpack around. What am I going to do? And we decided that it would be ridiculous. They wanted to broadcast shows. I have enough problems with people YouTubing my shit before it's done at shows.

When you come up with new bits, sometimes when a bit is out and it's on a CD, you know, that's to me when it's an old bit. But if I got bits that aren't on – they haven't been on television, haven't been on CD, and you're like, oh, I've seen that bit. You're like, you've seen it? How have you seen it? So I saw a YouTube clip. Some asshole in the audience is videotaping it. Now people are saying like it's old material. I'm like, god damn it.

It's not even done yet. It's not done. You know, like you can't – so like when they were like, god damn it, it's not even done yet. It's not done. So when they were like, well, we want to Ustream your whole show, I'm like, you can't Ustream my show. Because when the material comes out, I want at least the majority of people to be watching the television show,

other than the people that have seen me in the clubs, I want it to be new shit. I want the DVD to be old shit that's not on another DVD. And it's not going to work that way if there's fucking these Ustream clips and Justin TV shows everywhere. So I thought the whole thing was too much. And it's not that entertaining to broadcast every fucking thing you do. I mean, with this show, I think we sit down, we do it for two hours, we bang it out, and that's it. You don't want to just keep having content where you water down what people are watching.

Well, you have no personal life. There used to be a website called GabGab.com that I used to be addicted to, which was about maybe eight years ago. It was this girl named Gabriel Gabriel, and she's an author in New York City. And she livecast herself via webcam where it would refresh every 10 seconds. Oh, God. Because when the internet was new, that was actually kind of cool back in the day. She would have three cameras that would just refresh every 10 seconds. But I got addicted to watching it because it was so weird.

She would come home, talk to the husband, they would make dinner, then they would bring the camera into the bedroom and have sex. That's the part I like the most, you watch them bang yeah you watch them bang completely naked was this when people couldn't record things right yeah this is way before that but it was so addicting and the one day she just left and it felt like i she broke up with us you had a time beaten off just right yeah like if you like turned it on they were in the middle oh no stroke 15 seconds later, stroke. Yeah, and if they stopped, like someone stopped to answer the phone or something like that.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there was a show. Do you remember that movie with William Baldwin? I think it was like William, maybe Sharon Stone or something. Splinter, I think it was called. It was about those people that had their, I think that's the movie I'm talking about. Splinter. Wasn't there a movie where these people people's all their whole lives before ed tv like someone something

a lot i mean maybe i've got the premise totally wrong but like something like ed tv is a perfect example remember ed tv i mean that that basically predicted the rise of uh the kim kardashian type shows yeah i mean basically that's what that show was. And that movie was so ridiculous, the idea that people would just broadcast their entire lives. How ridiculous. Look at this. And in the end, the message was that it's too much.

The message was that it fucked up this guy's life. He had to stop doing it to get his shit together. Totally. Meanwhile, there's more of those goddamn shows than ever. They're real now. It's funny how many things from the past sliver

sliver that's it yeah it's funny how many things in the past were that people predicted are like a real part of life now

that were like ridiculous back then like this idea of ed tv that's a real part of our life now you know I mean it makes you wonder about like Mad Max and shit like that. I mean, when peak oil comes and people are fucking, you know, driving biodiesel cars down the street that they made, you know, fucking corn fuel out of and fucking shooting at people trying to get fresh water. You know?

I wonder if that really could go down like that. I think so. I totally believe that. Red Band, talk about your tooth. Oh want fucking brian missed brian missed last week's podcast because he uh was have you ever done that have you ever chipped uh a tooth or a filling falling out of your mouth you could feel the air go inside your tooth and hit your yeah my feelings fall out before yeah Yeah, it fucking sucks. Well, you bit a spoon, right? Yeah. That's what happened. Well, yeah. I'm used to eating with plastic spoons, but I ran out of plastic spoons, so I went back to real spoons, and I forgot.

And I always chew on the plastic spoon. Why do you chew on a plastic spoon? Like, when I'm on the internet or whatever, I'll just chew on them. You know, I'll eat yogurt, and I'll just be kind of chewy on the spoon. Oh, my God. But I forgot it wasn't a plastic spoon, so I just crunch yogurt and I'll just be like kind of like chewy on the spoon. Oh my God. But I forgot it wasn't a plastic spoon. So I just went crunch and I'm like, ah! That's not smart, dude.

You shouldn't be chewing on nice things. It still hurts. I have to go back in the month to get a real thing. That's ridiculous, son. That's not good. What else do I want to talk about? Oh, some dudes just said they found Noah's Ark. Is this the same people that found it?

No. Joe Show 1? No. Yeah, was that Joe Show 1? Joe Show number 1. Yeah, there's one that we did from Atlanta. You can find it on the internet. You can find it on redband.com, right?

Yeah, or it's Joe Show, Google Joe Show, all one word, Ark. Yeah, Joe Rogan, Noah's Ark. But anyway, there was a dude back then who said that he had found Noah's Ark. And now apparently there's a group of evangelists that claim they've seen Noah's Ark. Have you seen the photos of it? No. It's kind of interesting. You want to see it?

I'll show it to you. God, it's so stupid. So you're going to show me photos of a boat? Yeah, it's a boat. And I'm supposed to believe Bigfoot a big foot lived on this boat well you never know stranger things have happened the crazy thing about these ideas of world floods is that there was no world communication back then so how do you know the flood wasn't just in your neighborhood you know and you think that it was uh you know you think that it was somewhere

else you think that it was everywhere around the world. Like, you really don't have any idea. Damn, look at you and your following. 100, almost 110. Yeah, 109597, son. Very nice. Oh, good. You know what's funny is,

MySpace, I logged in the other day, and I've been losing friends, like, thousands and thousands at a time. Have you? Yeah, it's ridiculous. Everyone's deleting their MySpace account. I'm really thinking about maybe doing it. I'm thinking of deleting mine too. I just don't want to remember those days. Those MySpace days.

Yeah, it's pretty silly, right? Yeah, it's like having a kid that you just need to cut off strings or something. I can't find the article. Oh, wow. I'll look at a picture of a boat. It's not even a boat. It's like some wood that they found.

Some wood? The funny thing is there's one picture that's really clear with this guy inside. This is Noah's Ark. It's pretty interesting because this guy is standing inside something yeah see this photo look at this what is that this guy claims that that's he's inside Noah's Ark isn't that a photo from Noah's Ark ministries't that... A photo from Noah's Ark Ministries International. I'll throw this link up. If you just Google they found Noah's Ark. It looks like my basement.

If you just Google they found Noah's Ark, you can see it. This is the Noah's Ark thing we're talking about. I hate that shit. It's so annoying because I have certain people in my real life that believe all this shit.

And so they put it on Facebook. And I have to like, it hurts me to read it. You should start trolling them. I got trolled by that girl that pretended that she wanted to convert her friend to from being a Hindu. You know that video that I put

online. Her and her Dobie friends are trying to convert the Hindu girl into being Christian. Well, apparently it's a giant troll. This girl has got, like, it's brilliant. It's really good. Like, she totally seemed, like, it wasn't over the top at all. I mean, it was like, it was very much like Jesus Camp or any of that stuff that you know that's real, you know?

So tell us your story. How much are you going to tell about your story? The story about your situation with the religious people that go wacky on you about a certain thing in your life. Can you not talk about that? I don't even want to. Let's not talk about that. But you've got a lot of religious people in your life. Yeah, I've got a lot.

And I'm doing the exact opposite of what they would enjoy. And the two are combining. Yeah, exactly. Did you watch the fights this weekend? No, I did not. I didn't even know where to watch the fights. would enjoy and the two are combining yeah exactly did you did you watch the fights this weekend no I did not I didn't even know

where to watch the fights were they on pay-per-view it was pay-per-view and it was was it very UFC did it feel like the UFC

yes it felt exactly like the UFC but it was are they going to keep it like that I don't know I don't know I would love to

keep doing it man doing commentary for the lighter weights I think those guys need more. They deserve more credit. They're more action-packed. Those fights are crazy. And right now, they're in this shadow organization of the UFC.

It's a small organization. It doesn't get nearly as much attention as the UFC. And I wish we absorbed them. I wish we had, if it was up to me. I mean, obviously, it's not. There's a lot of business contracts and all sorts of jazz, but it would be

the coolest thing in the world to be able to call those lighter weight fights, man. Uriah Faber fought Jose Aldo in the main event for the featherweight title and Uriah Faber got,

he got beat up, got kicked the shit out of his legs. It's an incredible fight if you watch it. It was more incredible live watching it because this dude

just picked Uriah Faber apart, man. He just, Uriah Faber apart, man. He just, Uriah Faber, I mean, some people gave him a round, I think. I don't know what they were thinking

because basically, in my opinion, Aldo just dominated every single round and at a certain point in time just had him mounted in a crucifix, just punched him in the face

for like a minute and a half. It was ridiculous. I mean, he just completely dominated Faber and Faber is a fucking beast, man. A beast. Just couldn't stop the leg kicks. The leg kicks kept coming.

You know, Aldo's so goddamn fast. Aldo used to be a real serious soccer player, too. He played semi-professional soccer. And those soccer players, man, they have incredible legs. Like, they can move really good. Their footwork's really good, and they kick really hard. And he's just so good at moving in and out you know soccer is all about moving side to side quick moves to to deal with the ball and those guys that are real good at soccer

man that really translates well to be able to kick you know throwing leg kicks and and and and getting out of the way of leg kicks and just the ability to spring forward and spring back soccer is a is a fucking tremendous place to start. Tremendous base for certain types of fighting. Especially for Muay Thai. You guys saying Tito Ortiz and Jenna, we already talked about that bitch. You're going to have to go to the recording. Rewind the tape.

Shit son. We can't just be talking about it over and over. How loud were those leg kicks? The thing about leg kicks is Goldberg's always talking about that it's not a slap, it's a thump. The ones that are really hard, they're not as loud. Say if you hit someone's thigh with your open hand like that and slap the skin of their thigh, it'd be really loud. But if you hit their thigh with a baseball bat, it would be like a thump, like a meaty thump. And the meaty thumps are a lot more painful. What it is is the shin just digging into the meat of the leg.

And it fucking hurts like hell. You really can't appreciate how bad a leg kick hurts unless someone leg kicks you. Someone good. You know, you get like some fucking Melvin Manhoof type character. Some Ernesto Hoos type dude to slam a leg kick into your leg. You realize like, god damn, it's so fucking painful. And that's what this guy's move was. He just kicked his legs out from under him until he was useless.

From the second round out, he was pretty much useless. It was sad. You know about that Mohammed South Park thing? I really like how the extremist website kept on getting hacked. Did you see that? Oh, yeah yeah yeah Islamic is Romney yeah yeah what was their name radical Islam they're from New York right yeah fucking traitors ridiculous the idea that you I mean

that's taken nutty to a whole new level yeah you can't even show our guy in a picture or will not even a drawing a stick figure that you may look like a stick figure did you looked like a stick figure did you even oh you didn't see it i didn't see the first episode they draw muhammad and they pulled up for a second it was just like a stick figure but it was like a circle a line and like some kind of wiggly coming out of it and it went like this they just showed it like that and that's muhammad it's it's incredible it's incredible that here we are in 2010 and there's people out there that really believe that you shouldn't have a drawing that represents their their their guy their messiah

their prophet and the funny thing is this fucking guy i said that once and this guy emailed me hey dumb ass the reason why you're not allowed to is because they don't want you worshiping false idols and imagery like okay i'm a dumb ass so you think it's okay to kill people because someone's drawing some fucking guy that may or may not have even existed? You know? You can't. When you go back a couple thousand years. What is Muhammad? Like 1,500 years ago.

When you go back like 1,000 years plus. Man, who the fuck knows what really happened. Can I use this real quick? Yeah, sure. I want to draw Muhammad real quick while you're talking. Don't do it, man. We're going to die. I want to draw him. You don't have anything to do about this?

I have no saying. I cannot stop him. Is this your Muhammad? This is Brian's version of Muhammad. This version of Muhammad is not sanctioned by Ustream. No, I think it is sanctioned. Didn't they help invest this? No, they didn stream. No, I think it is sanctioned No, no, okay, this is Muhammad

That's incredible. Yes. That's very lifelike. Yes Here's Muhammad with a mustache just in case I forgot I guess drawing was probably way more important a couple hundred years ago for photos Huh, you think everybody knew how to draw? I think people knew how to draw better But you think like if someone raped you, you had to be able to... Oh, to draw them, right. Yeah.

Because like, how bad is people's memory? You know, how many people have been arrested for shit because of eyewitness reports? And, you know, people make this eyewitness report

and then they arrest someone. That's him, that's him. And it turns out they were totally wrong and then they apologize and I'm so sorry and the person does like fucking 15 years in jail.

Back then, what the fuck did they do? What did they do back then? They found the stones that look like the rapor. This stone. Not in this tree. His nose resembled it. They just had a box of stones. Which one looked most like your rapor?

I love people that are really into UFOs and shit and like say they talk about images that are on like Cave walls. Have you ever seen the images on cave walls? They're like flying saucers and aliens on the cave walls like No, or How do you know those fucking, how do you know those cave guys didn't just eat a mess of mushrooms that they found, trip their balls off Just start drawing loony shit that comes to their mind. What if it was like a children's book for their small kid yeah there's a man who come from the sky with free elk you know you don't you don't know what the fuck they're drawing you just found some scribbles on a wall yeah if you found some of my drawings you'd be like what that guy looked like a there was people that look like dicks get that you see that hand and that not that one below that this drawing pad that's some shit i found

from my high school years yeah that's awesome this is from when i was like 15 dude that's crazy yeah i'll put some you need to scan all this shit in man yeah i'll put some of it online you are a hundred times better than i i, and I did it all the time. This is like from when I was a kid. It's his super cat, huh? Oh, shit. It's like some shit that I drew. I used to draw a lot.

Oh, that's badass. It was Bruce Lee. I used to, that's what I really used to want to be, is an artist for comic books. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, 1982, so I guess i was 15 1982 yeah i was eight years old yeah i was older than you son i love how all your shit's monsters you're so scared of monsters man yeah goldilocks and two bears i'm gonna have to do something with these. Because I don't really draw anymore. That's bad.

That's sweet. Here's a wolf man one. I was always into werewolves. That's why I was so bummed out that Benicio del Toro movie fucking sucked. Because it did fucking suck. Act like it didn't happen. Is that waterfalls? You just...

That's ninjutsu like you do this one peeing on the bed peeing over the bed peeing from the bed ping wait you drew on yeah I don't know what the fuck it's like describing different ways to waste on the bed is like seeing on this might been some bad project that I had to do for school I got like in trouble all the time because when I was on the wrestling team, I drew the wrestling logo for our high school wrestling team. Oh, that's cool. When I was this – well, I also drew the logo for our school.

We had T-shirts for Newton South. We had lions, so I drew the lion. I used to do that too. I did the Worthington Kilbourne official bungee jumping shirt, which is a cardinal bungee jumping Yeah, that's from a picture from there's an old I think it was long Chaney jr. Or no I don't know which one which werewolf movie. Maybe was Oliver America, I don't know which one it was Well, that's badass

dude look how good it looked in color you gotta color them but uh before oh here's Humpty Dumpty Humpty Dumpty the axe murderer I drew a lot of axe murderers you should put all this shit in your book yeah I'll do something with it

Conan that's when I was into Conan the Barbarian see that's amazing I was into Conan the Barbarian. Dude, that's amazing. Yeah, that's another werewolf. I was fucking obsessed with werewolves for whatever fucking gay reason. That's hilarious. I just, uh, I've always loved Wolfman movies.

The werewolf, though, wasn't like your father or anything like that. No, I just was, I think I was an angry kid and I was always obsessed with the idea that you could, uh, I think what represented to me kid and I was always obsessed with the idea that you could, I think what represented to me was like, you know, that you could be calm and normal and then some shit happens and just, right? You know, maybe like that's what I wanted to do.

I wanted to fucking hulk out on people and turn into a werewolf and kill motherfuckers. I don't know. When you're an angry kid, it's never good. But I totally wanted to be a comic book artist. But my high school art teacher was a douchebag. He was just suppressive and annoying and unhappy and had no joy. There was no happiness, this man. Everything was serious.

Like his art was serious. And, you know, he would draw. And I didn't even think he was that talented. It was like he would draw and I didn't even think he was that talented it was like he would draw like boring shit you know he would like draw like pears and stuff

you know like a bowl a fruit bowl like hey faggot you know I got a camera if I want to see fruit I'll take a picture of it

you know let me see you got a photo of Wolverine fighting Spider-Man no you don't shut the fuck up because that's what I like

and he was telling me that what I like was like juvenile and then it was foolish. I was like, you're just suppressing what I like. I like watching fucking monster movies. I like reading comic books. Is there something wrong with that?

It's just entertainment. I hate when people pretend that their entertainment somehow or another is more valid or more sophisticated just because it's serious. People who love serious movies, I don't like comic book movies. I like serious movies. Whatever, man. Are you learning something when you go to see some depressing Sean Penn movie?

Are you learning something when you go to see those movies? I'm learning to get in touch with my emotions, Joe. What was that River movie? Whatever the fuck. River Runs Through It? No, the Sean Penn one. Oh. Myst was that River movie. Whatever the fuck. River Run Stewart? No, the Sean Penn one. Oh.

Mystic River? Mystic River. Is that what it is? I don't know. Whatever. But it was like, you know, and everybody's like, it's such an important film.

Like, what? What film is important? Yeah. Okay, they're fucking movies, man. You go to a movie, you enjoy yourself, you have a good time, it takes you someplace,

it gives you some thrills, you know, there's a lot of shit you don't know is happening. Things get resolved. What's going to go down? That's all it is. It's fucking entertainment. And the idea that your entertainment, because it represents things that happen in real life,

is somehow or another superior to superheroes or monsters. Please, just stop it. I had a good art teacher. It's funny because I'd get C's and D's in every class because I would sleep except for art which I straight A pluses took every class but my teacher was cool and like a lot of my paintings I look back and I'm like wow she let me do this like one was called pool table on acid and she gave me an A minus and it was just a pool table with a monster coming out of it and everything was melting well why not i don't like i didn't have

to draw fruit and it made me do it i my teacher used to say shit to me like you know like well you know what if you get a job where you have to draw a baby for a diaper commercial i want to see you draw a baby for a diaper commercial and i'm like oh man like why are you fucking killing my sons dude draw a baby for a diaper commercial is that my future is that what I have to look forward to drawing diaper ads he was like

my dream was to do comic book illustrations and he was telling me basically you need to have skills because you're not going to reach those dreams and what if you have a job that's just you as an illustrator doing boring stuff? Well, you have to draw boring stuff. And I was like, you fucking buzzkill.

And this guy was just a dumpy, physically out of shape, unhealthy person. And he was just depressed all the time. And so I killed my effectively. I only went for two years to our class i believe it was 14 and 15 i think by the time i went into my junior year of high school i think i said fuck that guy i'm tired of this this is annoying so i just drew on my own from then on and that effectively killed my my wanting to uh go to school for art i had like was looking at art colleges and shit and had scholarships lined up and trying

to figure out where to go. It was like the only thing I had a chance of getting any sort of scholarship in. Yeah, me too. But meanwhile, it's just, teachers, man,

you don't realize what a gigantic fucking effect having a good or a shitty teacher can have on you. But they're cutting their salaries

over and over again. I just saw they're cutting it again. Yeah. And I think teachers should be one of the most important things ever. Up there with doctors. Yeah, it's gigantic. It's amazing how we're so short-sighted when it comes to that.

Yeah, what is that? You're raising the child from the beginning. That should be the most important thing. It should be huge. People that can influence your children and people that say mean shit like i will never forget i had a math teacher in high school who was just fucking boring and the class was boring and she was this black lady who had a black accent like she would mispronounce words all the time she had terrible grammar and yet she would like shit all over you if you didn't understand her math problems.

And she was in there doing her math problem and I was bored. And I was like drawing or something. Usually that's what I did in class. I would draw all over my notebooks or something like that. And she goes, she looks up and she sees me not paying attention. So she goes, Mr. Rogan, would you like to come up here and do both of these problems for the class? And I said, do you want me to do both of those problems? And everybody started fucking howling. And so she said, go down to the dean's office right now. I said, okay, but when I get back, I'm gonna do both of

those problems. And everybody was laughing. She goes, go ahead, laugh at Mr. Rogan. Mr. Rogan ain't going nowhere. He's going nowhere in life and i'm like at least i know how to say both she goes get out of my classroom and she kicked me out that's so awesome that was like the beginning of my time as a stand-up comedian because i felt like i was defending myself like i wasn't doing anything to you i was just sitting there scribbling in my notebook you know i just wasn't paying attention because i was bored out of my fucking head and i had problems with authority but she just you know liked to be the the lady to call on you if you ain't paying attention you know like she would she would get mad but I mean meanwhile this fucking bitch couldn't even speak right she said both would

you like to come up here and do both of these I will never forget it it's like in my mind it's like a movie playing out because the anger in my head that this fucking dummy was trying to make me look dumb in front of everybody just because I was scribbling and I wasn't paying attention to your – my opinion on math was always like, okay, math is very essential. But don't we have calculators now? We do. And isn't there like an endless supply of batteries? There is. Done.

Like I'm done. There's only a finite amount of things to pay attention to in the day and I don't give a fuck about these wacky equations that you're making me solve and figure out I know how to add I know how to divide I know how to multiply like is it or are we done here right do I have to keep going is this really gonna that you're you're making me be a fucking square peg and fit into your fucking round hole you know it's like I'm not I don't want to do what you want me to do like this is nonsense it's weird nowadays I can't even imagine going to school with google because then i'd be like no i don't want to learn it i could just search it if i need it i don't get what you do that was a problem i used to watch a lot of documentaries even when i was a kid and i got in trouble again like people would say like you're a comedian were you a class clown

like i was not really a class clown what i used to do though is draw a lot of cartoons about our teachers like getting involved doing shit and we had this one teacher that was really annoying mr hallman and h-o-l-m-a-n very serious but he was wrong about a lot of shit and i was you know i was fucking 15 years old and i was uh in class and i was again bored out of my fucking mind he had a science class but at least science class is a little more interesting but he started going on about Lake Erie. Lake Erie is a dead lake and this and that. He started talking about all the pollution

that's involved in Lake Erie. And I said, well, actually, I just saw a documentary that was on PBS that was talking about the resurgence of Lake Erie and about how Lake Erie, they've worked very hard to filter out the water and they've done all these different things to cut down the pollutants

and they've seen a resurgence in the fish population. And he got all fucking mad at me. I was like have you seen this documentary goes no this is not true and I'm like wow it's not true it's on PBS I watched it last night right like oh man all right so you're just like them so the next time we're in class he had like these things that would pull down like projection screens and I pulled the projection screens up and I drew cartoons of him. And then I pulled the projection screens down and covered them.

So he went to draw on the chalkboard and as he pulled the chalkboard up, there's all these fucking cartoons of him like saying wacky shit. And he had this thing that he would do like, he would do this crazy thing with his hands where he would move his hands like this. And then I had this other teacher, Mr. White,

and he was only like 5'2". So I drew him all the time. But every time I drew him, I drew him standing on something. He was standing on a box or standing on a chair or standing on a stool. And I drew it just like him. That's so funny, dude. And I had one, an anthropology teacher, who was obsessed with Jane Goodall and the monkeys. You know, Jane Goodall lived with chimpanzees.

So I drew this one kid who was this football player who was a nice kid, but he was always kissing her ass because he wanted her to like him so he could get better grades. So I drew him banging her. And, like, it fucking looked like her. It looked like him. And I drew him banging her. And she was like, oh, give it to me monkey style. And I passed it around the class.

I got suspended on two separate occasions for drawing cartoons. That's funny. I got sent home for drawing cartoons. Me too. That's the only thing I would normally get in trouble for. I would do the same things but with overhead projectors. I would draw dicks and penises. There was an Indian guy in our class.

I would always make fun of his farts because he had really bad farts. And then one time they pulled the whole class out and they were like, Omar has really bad gas because of his diet. And it's not funny. And if you guys make fun of it anymore, you guys are all going to be in trouble. I remember this speech. So, of course, then I only drew Omar for the rest of the year after all this Indian guy farting on people and stuff like that. How ridiculous is it that you're telling kids not to make fun of farts because it's not funny?

I know. How disingenuous is that? You to make fun of farts because it's not funny? I know. How disingenuous is that? You cannot tell someone that farts aren't funny. As soon as you say farts aren't funny, I'm not listening to you anymore. Right, right. Because you're not being honest with me. You can say farts don't smell. Yeah.

Can you imagine if he loved smelling farts? There's people that do. That's like fart porn. Have you ever seen fart porn? Oh, yeah, you're right. There's fart porn where dudes get their head right in girls' faces and girls fart in their mouths. God, I've got such a hard-on now.

We've talked about this before about how your farts smell awesome, but other people's farts smell terrible. To you, your farts smell the best. Except once in a while, one lets out that you're ashamed. I had one the other day. Not when I'm by myself. I had one the other day. Never.

Not when I'm by myself. Really? When I'm by myself. I always smell my own farts and join it. Everybody does that. I think even girls do that. They just don't want to admit it. Girls cut farts.

Oh, totally. But what is that? Why is there an evolution? It's got to be something. If everyone does it, what is it? I think it's like your body sitting out a spray for mating, mating but probably for masturbation. What? What a ridiculous theory. It's so you don't knock up and get pregnant. You smell your fart and you're like... You fuck your own ass. Stick your own dick in your own ass. Oh, fucking awesome. I wanna mate myself. No, but why do you think that people like their own farts? Why is that?

Something twisted about that. It's because it's food that you ate already. This guy says it's called pica, the urge to eat random things. I think pica is actually – Pica, where you eat dirt, right? Yeah, it's people that have mineral deficiencies to the point where they're eating paint and dirt. I was just thinking about that the other day, how weird that would be, eating dirt and just craving it. Like, I need this dirt.

Can you imagine? Well, your brain could easily be wired wrong. You think about all the different connections inside people's brains. Now think of people like my friend John Jock Machado, my original jiu-jitsu instructor. He was born without his one hand, his left hand. He doesn't have all of his fingers. His left hand only has like a thumb and like nubs, you know, and that's how he was born. Yeah, it's some, some, I mean, I don't know what it was exactly, some sort of a disease, but he's born without fingers.

If you're born without fingers, you could be born with crazy connections in your head that make you love other people's farts. You know, you could be, you know what I'm saying? I mean, it's possible. I mean, we look at like autism and what they don't understand about autism but some people who have autism can do crazy things like there's a child um that can uh see a place like let's look out out the window at a at like a city and then draw the city in exact detail like down to the fucking street signs and down to the alleyways. I mean, it's incredible. There's videos of online doing it. I mean, he can just look at an image of a place

or go to a place and see something and just completely recreate it in his mind. And he has a version of autism. You know, it's like the whole Rain Man thing. It's like, what is that? Like, what the fuck is going on that you can see something and record it like exactly, but you and I have no chance? I mean, if I had to draw my backyard, it would be all off.

I've been in my backyard a fucking thousand times, but if I had to draw it, it would be all fucking wonky. What the fuck is that? I don't know. It's really weird. I know a friend that is that. A friend's uncle is that i met him once autistic yeah i met him once and he's always like talking about like how he used to sit on his mom's shoulders during parades and stuff like that he met me once though and then every year he can't stop exactly talking about me to her like she's like where's brian at brian said

he was going to the store this one time. And like, remembered everything about me. He buys me gifts. You know, we broke up a long time ago. So he's like, dude, he bought you gifts. And he knows everything about you. He won't stop talking about you. But then, it's so weird. That dude wants to fuck you. That dude wanted me.

That's strange, man. I mean, it's like the potential of the human mind. Do you think it's because there's obviously some sort of a disconnect socially with people that have autism. Do you think it's sort of like one of those things where people who can't see can hear incredibly? It's like when you are missing one sense, your other sense is like supercharged. Yeah, I don't know because sometimes I think things like that where I think, what if he knows exactly everything that's going on

but his mouth doesn't work kind of like when you're so fucked up and you're trying to say something and everybody's like blah blah you can't give your you know

what you're thinking out in language right maybe and I'm like that's it but they're unaffectionate that's the thing with them there's a social disconnect

a real disconnect I mean where they don't they don't express themselves they don't smile as much they don't make eye contact as much as other kids do yeah you know but in in so doing that and doing that they have this incredible focus like i have a friend whose child his son has a a mild form of asperger's was like an autism type of thing and his son is a jujitsu wizard the The kid's an assassin. I mean, he's really, really fucking good.

Like, goes at it head to head with world champions. He's like really, really good. And one of the reasons why he's really good is he has this intense ability to focus on things. And, you know, he's not so good socially. He doesn't have a girlfriend. Not so good at having buddies. But goddamn, you get on the mat with that motherfucker. He remembers every move. And he's countering your moves, and advancing, and moving forward, and he taps, like, really

high-level black belts all the time, you know, it's like, autistic doesn't necessarily mean super, super intelligent, it doesn't necessarily mean, you know, some sort of a Rain Man type genius, but it has the potential, which makes me think, I wonder if it's, you know, almost like there's so many people that are autistic dude. It's like one out of a hundred now. You know, and it's advancing over the years. I wonder if it's possible that, you know, I mean people say that it's due to environmental conditions, it could be due to pollution, it could be due to diet, it could be due to the hormones in our food. There's a bunch of different different theories on what causes autism.

But if it's happening in much greater numbers than it ever has before, and that's debatable as well because some people say it's not. There's just more people are diagnosed as being autistic now because they've changed their diagnosis. But that's under debate as well. But what if it's sort of a next stage of evolution? But what if it's sort of a next stage of evolution? What if emotions and dealing with the way human beings have always been really emotional? What if that's not going to be necessary in the future? What if that's slowly being phased out?

Because human beings don't have to use our fight or flight reflexes and instincts anymore. Because we're not running from fucking saber-toothed tigers and shit. Basically, we're just dealing with civilized society. And as society becomes more and instincts anymore because, you know, we're not running from fucking saber tooth tigers and shit. Basically, we're just dealing with civilized society. And as society becomes more and more civilized and as society becomes more and more modern, more people are born with this detachment from emotions. And one of the reasons why I thought this is because of Amish people. And Amish people live their life in a very traditional, old-school sort of a way. You know, it's kind of a fucked up, wacky religion, but you know, they drive around in horse-driven buggies, and they build their own houses, and you know,

and I don't know if they even use electricity. Some of them use electricity. Some of them drive in regular cars. Some of them have real jobs in their Amish. It just depends what kind of Amish they are. Right, but the whole premise originally was that these people lived, like a certain group of people, some of them have real jobs in their Amish. It just depends what kind of Amish they are. Right. But the whole premise originally was that these people lived, like a certain group of people lived hundreds of years ago. Well, they have a much, much, much lower history or much lower numbers of autistic children. Much lower.

It might be just something like cell phones and the signals of cell phones and beepers and all the shit that started that's making an increase. Or it could just be like Splenda. It could be something we're not even thinking about. We don't know and that's what's stupid. Aspartame. Aspartame and shit like that. It could easily be. We don't know. The only way to do – there's a lot of theories about – people say that there's a lot of of people there's a lot of anecdotal evidence about vaccinations and there's a lot of people say there's no scientific connection whatsoever

and people always want to jump on that and you know you're wear tinfoil hat with this whole thing about autism what people don't realize is thousands of people have been paid off by the autism court of america because of i don't remember the exact title of the court but i believe it is autism court uh not autism court, excuse me, vaccination court. Let me find the exact number and the exact theory. Because one of the Kennedys, I think Robert Kennedy Jr. is heavily involved in this shit. And a lot of people have been paid off by vaccine court because, and it's in the thousands of families, have been paid off by vaccine court because, and it's in the thousands of families, because of their children suffering from brain damage after being vaccinated, that they had brain swelling

and brain damage, and they received sizable rewards from the courts. Now, if that's really true, how do we not know that, you know, you're not damaging other shit with vaccinations, especially like heavy duty vaccinations with Th Marisol and all that stuff. That's been linked. I mean, the stuff that they removed from, from vaccines, it's a real heavy debated issue because people don't want to think a people

have had their children vaccinated. They don't want to think that they've done anything wrong to their children and people who have children that are autistic, they want to blame someone. And so they try to blame the vaccination. But the bottom line is, you know, you're injecting chemicals into your baby when you're not even supposed to give kids fucking peanut butter.

You're not even supposed to give babies peanut butter because they might have a peanut allergy. But yet you can shoot them up with all these fucking chemicals. I don't know this whole Jenny McCarthy debate, and she's running around saying that vaccinations cause autism to their kids. But I have friends that say their kids were more we have a friend that we know that say his kid got the measles mumps and rebellia and then instantly was different like instantly became detached got fucking weird and and and the kid has some serious autism now whether or not it's connected or whether or not he had a pre-existing condition that was exacerbated by those vaccinations that's possible as well but who the fuck knows what's causing all this shit it could be you know just the amount of pollution the higher levels of carbon dioxide in

the air it could be you know the preservatives in food it could be you know it could be a bunch of shit but it also could be the civilization it could be the fact that as civilization progresses the need to have all these emotions and the need to to exist the way people have always existed is is morphing it's changing you know we're gonna be like fucking aliens i mean if you think about like all the depictions of aliens in science fiction the advanced aliens they're always super unemotional take me to your leader you know it's like that type of shit it's like we kind of inherently know that emotions are sort of holding back progress and as human beings become super technical or super uh technologically evolved that eventually we're going to get to a point where we're not irrational and emotional you know and you think about like the shit that happened with that crazy girl that got you arrested

like what what was that it's nutty emotions like chaos and emotions you know you think about almost all murders that's why japanese people never have domestic violence issues well they do that's silly do you even have any issues to support this son i mean um you you know but but you think about that like when we think about like alien life super advanced alien, you know, but you think about that, like when we think about like alien life, super advanced alien life, you know, the guy from the day the earth stood still is always super stoic and unemotional. You know, I mean, we kind of inherently know that that is the future, that that's where we're headed. And that's autism. I mean, it's kind of a fucked up thing to think. But I mean, maybe all these people like one out of 100 have autism. I mean, it's kind of a fucked up thing to think, but I mean, maybe all these people

like one out of a hundred have autism and the debate as to whether or not it's been, you know, just they've changed the diagnosis. I don't know if that's the case. And I don't think, you know, either a debate as to what is causing it. Like the only way you know, what's causing it is you take the exact same biological human being. You do a bunch of shit to him. He has autism. You go back in time. You try it without the shit shit you see if he develops autism you start removing things Other than that, I mean, it's just speculation when you're dealing with these kind of numbers one out of a hundred I mean that's these are pretty significant numbers. You know, you have a thousand people you have a hundred autistic kids, you know That's nutty man. That's crazy

Have you ever seen retard porn That's crazy. You got a hundred thousand. There's a lot of goddamn people. Have you ever seen retard porn? Is there retard porn? Yeah, have you ever seen it? What if they do retard fart porn? Would that be the end of the world? Oh, retard fart porn would be awesome. No, well, it's weird cuz like retard porn like you feel like you're watching something illegal, but then you're like wait This is an adult, but then you're like wait, he doesn't really know he's getting fucked with that dildo and his asshole. No, they do dildos? Oh, dude, I saw the other day some hardcore retard porn where this girl who was also retarded was shoving a dildo up this retarded guy's asshole.

And the girl seemed like more retarded, but the guy, I don't know, it was so weird. And I started watching it, I'm like, what? And it was awful. I told him, don't ever watch it, don't ever watch it. It's bad. You know, that's the thing about, we talked about porn, like who buys porn today?

Yeah. The problem is like fucking nobody's buying porn. Yeah. So to make money in porn, they gotta go deep. Well, you know,

porn always has these walls that they hit and they always come out of it because the bottom line is there's always gonna be porn, you know? Yeah. But how do you make money though

when there's so much of it already on the internet? You know, it's really amazing how, like, movies and stuff like that are having a hard time getting their videos off the internet. But if you try to find, like, a movie, like, if you wanna find a certain movie in porn, a lot of these websites all work together.

Like, these YouPorns and stuff like that, like, they'll give you a 30-minute, 30-second clip clip or something like that but they're keeping the majority of their main movies off all these websites which i found real amazing what do you mean like uh if you're trying to find a like a jenna jameson movie right two hours in a jameson movie compared to seeing avatar okay so so but you can get it on bit torrent easily easily. Yeah, but you know how many porn stars there are that are not on BitTorrent? Really? It's not the same as like Pirate Bay. You know, porn's harder to find.

I bet you're wrong. I bet if you go to news groups and shit, I bet they trade shit at a rapid rate. I think you're just not obsessed porn. It's just not there as much, though, is what I'm saying. I mean, you can go to... Pirate Bay has a lot of porn. They have porn on Pirate Bay. They have some porn.

But it's not Pirate Bay is not about porn though. It's more like about like wares and movies. It's about movies, music, videos, files, it's about everything. It really is about porn

but it's not the same percentage of porn. Like 25% of everything on the internet is porn over at. Well I'm just saying that the main the thing that porn

is getting into the most I guess nowadays is having personal websites. So if you find a girl, if you have a, you find a girl like so-and-so down the street, yeah, you become a member for nine bucks a month and you get her in a webcam just sitting there playing with her bottle, you know? Yeah. That's like the big deal, right? Is webcam shows for those girls. It's like that girl that's on our message board, Crazy Amber. Crazy Amber literally makes her live by doing live

webcam shows she's one of the first girls to ever do HD video on the internet for porn she wrote about it on our website it was like 6 years ago HD? 2004 she was doing it she's heavily

tech associated. Yeah, she's cool. I don't know what her website is though. Is it crazyamber? I think it's crazyamber.com or ambersamaturehardcore.com or something. Just look up crazy Amber. You'll find her.

If you want to find her, you'll find her. She's crazy Amber on the Rogan board. If you don't know what the Rogan board is, I got a forum that has like, it's almost like three million. It's up to posts on it. It's almost like 3 million. It's up to a post on it. It's a pretty wild forum. Any fucked up news, anything that's going on, anything that's crazy, any new video that

came out, anything that's anything bananas is on forums.joerogan.net, the Rogan board. If you get on the board and you sign up and you can be a member, anybody can be a member. But if you're a dickhead, if you act like a retard we pink you and what pink you is there's two forums there's one forum that's the regular forum it's called shit talking 101 and there's another forum that's called special ed and what special ed is is when you are too fucked up you need too much attention you cause too much trouble you start fucking you know just harassing people and being annoying starting dumb arguments or you're a stalker I've noticed especially Twitter's a lot more

creepy stalkers and I thought there was just a bunch of people out there that are fucking nuts and that you wouldn't ordinarily let them into your life and now because of the internet you know they get into your life and you got to figure out a way to filter them you know I mean but sometimes we have this chat here and I look at the chat and sometimes people are just constantly saying dumb, annoying, stupid shit over and over and over and over and over again. But the beautiful thing is you just click on them and ban them. And that's the beautiful thing about Twitter too. Like some people Twitter you stupid shit and all they're trying to do is get your attention.

That's all they're trying to do. But what's scary is like there's a few people that they wake up from the morning to sleep every three minutes writing a message and you're like this is what this person's life is

no like on Twitter oh yeah some of these people really creep me the fuck out well it's giving them a direction too it's giving some people something to do

something to look forward to they get to interact with all these different human beings like that slurp L girl that you guys always talk about. What are you doing, man?

You're talking to the shit. She's right there. She fucking has the one-sided conversation. She's been trying to fuck me for the last two months.

Just fuck her, dude. Why are you such an asshole? I have not said one word to her, but every day she goes, Brian, I want

to fuck your face. Are we going to fuck? You're a handsome fella. She wants some dick. I don't see anything wrong with that. I just called Slurp Ella out. She's just forward. She's a handsome fella. She wants some dick. I don't see anything wrong with that. I just called Slurpella out.

She's just forward. She's a forward young lady. I don't think... But you know what's funny is like I follow her sometimes and she's like having full on conversations with Jenna Jamison like right back and forth. And I'm like, that's funny. And Jenna goes back and forth. Yes.

What do you think of the Goldman Sachs case? Do you know about that? Goldman. Do you know what Goldman Sachs is? No. Goldman Sachs is a gigantic bank that's getting sued now by the federal government. It's actually looking into them.

They're going to bring them to court, and they're going to try them and figure out how the fuck they defrauded people. They shorted. What they did was they sold people a bunch of... They told people to buy things, and then they banked against it. So they told people that what shorting means is,

like, say, if you decide that, you know, you look at the market and you say, okay, this company is going to take a shit, they're going to fall apart. But you keep selling that company to your clients. You keep telling them, hey, you should invest in this company because this company is a good investment. But meanwhile, you're shorting, which means you're betting that that company is going to fail on the side. And they made tons of money they basically fucked over their customers and manipulated the whole system and made fucking hundreds of billions of dollars for this this is this guy Matt tie be he's been writing

about this and wall street in Rolling Stone magazine fascinating and infuriating articles all about the corruption that's involved in Wall Street and it's fucking mind-blowing that they can still pull that shit off in 2010. You know, this is one thing I said on stage this weekend. I've been talking about this a lot. Like, you know, when people talk about, well, you don't understand the economy is complicated.

Here's what I don't understand. There's the same amount of fucking people, okay? There's the same amount of shit, the same amount of metal, same amount of materials, the same amount of people buying things. Where the fuck did all the money go? What happened? The same amount of metal, same amount of materials, same amount of people buying things. Where the fuck did all the money go?

What happened? Well, the stock market crashed and the housing market was inflated and fell apart. What the fuck are you even saying? What does that mean? To me, that means that the system is bullshit. It means the whole system is fucking nuts. I think everyone knows that system is bullshit, though. I don't know why you're so surprised about something that's fake. It's not that I'm surprised.

What I'm surprised of is that it keeps going. We've talked about this before, that our system is like, our culture, our system of government is like Windows 98, Windows 95, with like 100 viruses.

And we're just throwing patches at it, trying to fix things, trying to work around stuff. But that's really what it's like. It's like this ancient fucking stupid system that doesn't work and it crashes all the time and it's got all these bugs and it's filled with corruption you know and yet still there's there's no solutions for it move to an island what can you do you can't even move you can't even move son what are you going to do over there for work i You're going to fucking pick coconuts?

How about you going back to manual labor? You would be so happy. People that talk about how they hate society the way it is right now, you would be so fucking happy. If you moved to an island, you had to work for a living to come back here. You'd be so happy to go back to the way life was and just pay 28% tax. I remember when I was in high school and I was on vacation in Myrtle Beach which is the whitest trashest vacation ever but I remember talking to this guy

and all he did every day was open up this little shack that looked like a grass hut and make margaritas for people and he just sat there every day I was talking to him and I'm like you do this every day he goes fuck yeah

I see the hottest chicks I sit here on the beach I do nothing but make drinks man it's the greatest life ever I'm like I love this guy I was like he makes just enough

to probably I mean he probably could never make you know enough to buy like something huge or anything right but he gets by right he gets by

he probably relies on the credit and stuff but that as a life to me it was like oh you just pretty much do what you like to do you know I don't know

yeah there's an argument for that man there's definitely an argument for the dude that checks out. Comes like an expatriate, moves to Costa Rica, sits on the fucking beach and drinks margaritas

while the world explodes in the distance. Yeah, I mean, there's an argument for that. My dad's about to retire. He's 60-something, just about to retire this year. And I'm like,

aren't you scared that you're not going to have any income coming in at all? And he goes, it's kind of scary, but I've saved up so much. And I'm like, yeah, but scared that you're not going to have any income coming in at all? And he goes, it's kind of scary, but I've saved up so much. And I'm like, yeah, but you could have one hospital thing fuck your life up, and then now you have to go back to work like 20 years later, and you're going to be out of the loop working at fucking grocery stores

trying to pay for your wife to buy new diapers for her. And that freaks me the fuck out. How much does your dad have saved up? I mean, how many years worth of money? I'm not really sure, but it's probably over a million, I would imagine. He's got over a million dollars saved up? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I think that's what you... See, I don't... Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah, I know. But I don't know if I can tell you. Damn, so your dad's smart. Yeah, but still.

But nowadays, a million dollars? I mean, you go to the doctor and you get fucking chemo, you're paying like $200,000, you know, or something like that. $300,000. Definitely make sure you keep up on your health insurance. Yeah. That's scary to me. It is scary. Because he could live another 50 years.

How old is your dad? 62 or something like that. How the fuck is your dad going to live 50 years? Well, I mean, you know. You know what I'm saying? He's never going to die, Jim. He's never going to die. He's my daddy. No, Jim. He's never going to die. He's my daddy.

No, but he could live 40 years longer. What does he want to do when he retires? Does he have a thing that he wants to do? He likes, he's just like me, but they didn't have computers. So he did everything else with electronics and building things. So he'll make a hot tub in his living room. He'll build his own hot tub? Yeah, he'll build the whole living room and hot tub

just for fun. Oh wow, that's kind of cool. Well, things like that, they keep people happy, man. Hobbies and things do.

Maybe he can invent something and sell it. Maybe he should concentrate on trying to do that. Well, he's been trying to break with a perpetual motion for the longest time.

So he has all these perpetual motion machines in his basement and you go in there and it's just magnets with bicycle tires and like, and he's just magnets with bike bikes sickle tires and like and he's got like 15 patents he builds things all the time but see that it's like he builds a computer that gets radon out of your bathroom you know and then you're like what

well why doesn't he just uh i mean that seems like a like a really promising avenue to pursue if he's that creative maybe he should just think about that. Think about, you know, like retiring and using all his time to try to come up with some new way to make income. Right. That's what I told him. He needs to like make something.

Yeah. Why not? Fuck it, man. Dude, you know, better to take that chance at 60 than 60. Is that what you said he was?

Better to take that chance at 60 than to take that chance when you're fucking, you're almost dead. And you're like, God, I should have done something interesting. You know, what if he, what if he makes it and all of a sudden he starts making a good living

off of something he created? Oh yeah, that's what I said. I mean, that's not going to work. That's what I said. Get up at noon and fucking go to the coffee shop and, you know. Check this out. Check this out how crazy. Sometimes things happen in life, you know.

They were supposed to come out and visit me next month and he was going to retire the following month and my stepmom was thinking about retiring the following month and then i broke up with my relationships so they decided not to come the following day after deciding not to come uh they're getting late my stepmom's getting laid off but because she had like over a week uh of vacation time set aside that she'd never used they have to like force some kind of like year pension plan or whatever the bottom line is just because she didn't they didn't take that vacation she gets paid for a year for no reason an extra year so she would have visited me and bought that

ticket she would have been screwed ah the corporate world i love when the house do you believe in fate and stuff like that like uh things that happen for a reason? Do you believe that? Do you think everything's kind of set out and you really can't change it? It's easy to be cynical about that idea. But it also seems sometimes like it almost seems like life is scripted. And in your situation, I think it seems like it sometimes. In my situation, in my life, sometimes it seems so ridiculous that it almost seems like we are living our own movie. And the more gonzo the fucking news gets, the more bizarro our culture gets, the more it seems like a movie.

The more it seems like it almost seems fake. It almost seems like we're living in a dream. And if you look at some of the things that happen to certain people you you you go well what's it attributable attributable is it is it can you attribute it to the fact that they have lived a positive life and so good things are happening to them and is it karma so is karma real because that's like one of the trippiest spaciest of notions ever so is that what's really going on or is it because there's a grand plot to life? Is it because life is like a gigantic mathematical equation

and there's a set result that's going to happen no matter what? It's all working towards that set result. And you getting a certain job and you meeting a certain person is all part of the grand plan of the universe. It's fucking weird. It is weird. You can't say one or the other. You can't say, yes, I believe fucking weird. It is weird. It's, it's, it's, you can't say one or the other. You can't say, yes, there, I believe in fate and fate is real. I mean, you should consider

it, but you also can't say fate's not real. And, you know, you decide your own destiny because I don't know if that's true either. You know, I mean, we are a weird combination of biology, of life experiences, of genetics, you know, there's, there's a lot of shit going on. How you interpret the life experience, the people you come in contact with that help you rethink the way you look at things. How many people have you ever met that inspire you and literally change the way you think about things?

Oh. All the time. But it makes me wonder if I was supposed to meet this person and go through this experience. A lot of times I just want to, I feel like that lost sound is going on in the background. Because it just seems like it's just like that like it's just a weird like some just seems fake i think a lot of it is because you're living your life the right way yeah i think you a lot of us you're living your life positive you're not being shitty to

anybody you're not creating well karma is a real thing definitely i believe karma isn't that's why this that's ratting out larry king's wife yeah he's gonna get it shit's gonna hit the fan for you son yep he's gonna have nipple cancer in two weeks it's gonna get ugly i don't know i don't know if it's true and i think you know it's one of those subjects where people are very polarized on it you know that some people uh will i mean people will argue like vehemently that their side is correct because it's sort of of like a Windows versus Mac argument. It's like a religion versus atheism argument. It's like people want to be correct.

They choose a stance. They choose a camp that they're in. And fate is one of the weird ones. I'm open to the idea that there's a fate. I'm open to the idea that life really is some sort of a gigantic to the idea that there's, that life really is like some sort of a gigantic equation and that it's moving towards something. I don't know. I try to keep an open mind about all that stuff

because I think as soon as you decide that you have the information one way or another, you're being silly. Yeah, because then you're going to block off and only hear what you want to hear and then you're not living the right. Right. I mean, we have friends that believe in nutty things,

and we've had conversations with these friends that believe in nutty things, and you can tell they are not even considering the fact that these nutty things that they believe in are, in fact, just nutty things. You know, I mean, that's a disconnect. Yeah. You know?

And you said it best when you said you're not keeping everything on the table. That's rule number one. Right. Rule number one, you you're not keeping everything on the table. That's rule number one. Rule number one. You have to keep it all on the table. And even when you have 100% everything on the table, like a positive put on the table, why even bother taking the table away? You know, if something comes up, there should be no reason.

Exactly. We get married to an answer. A yes or a no, a side, a for or against. You know, I mean, it's or against. It's like religion. It's like anything else. Human beings are very insecure, and our life inherently is insecure. And because of that, I think we try to put things in a box so that we can deal with them. They're in a box.

There it is. We've got it labeled. It's wrapped up. Okay, God is not real. It's in that box. Let's move on. Okay, do we like Windows or do we like Mac? I say Windows.

Mac is for faggots. Put it in the box. We're moving on. We're in Camp PC. This is just for idiots. Idiots think that. You know, I don't know. I think we hit two hours.

That's it. I think this is good. We're going to end on a positive note, ladies and gentlemen. So thank you very much for tuning in when you come back next week we will have a couch we will have better cameras we have new video cameras coming in

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be a douchebag forums dot Joe Rogan dotnet and if you have any suggestions there feel free to put them in there and we appreciate it and thanks for tuning in next week we will be sponsored officially as of next week by the fleshlight we're gonna get some fleshlights and we're gonna fuck on me fuck the shit out I'm going to fuck these. I'll even record audio of mine. We can listen to it. I'm not loud. You just hear me go. Okay, do it.

Record audio. We're going to meet with this dude this week. And get some. We've got a sponsor now. We're fucking professional. This is a professional show, god damn it. But hopefully still just as fun as it was before. Again, thank you very much, everybody. We appreciate the shit out of it.

Thank you for tuning in. We will see you next week, Tuesday, as always. Joe Rogan on Twitter. Red Band on Twitter. Yeah, and my Twitter is now just Joe Rogan. It's not JoeRogan.net anymore. It's just Joe Rogan. All right.

Later, bitches.