The Joe Rogan Experience - #1803 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

Greg Fitzsimmons is a stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He's also the host of "Fitzdog Radio" podcast and co-hosts the podcasts "Sunday Papers" with Mike Gibbons, and "Childish" with Alison Rosen.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day and we're rolling gregory rolling rolling rolling we were just talking about how they kicked mike uh jamie was telling us how they kicked mich Jordan off a course because he was wearing cargo shorts while he was playing golf. Yeah. Silly rules. I mean. That's crazy. Wouldn't you be happy Michael Jordan's on your fucking golf course?

I mean, I don't know if he's not paying extra to be there, you know. It doesn't matter. It's Michael Jordan. Making people show up. For sure people show up if they find out he's there. Yeah. We don't want him to. I mean, that's like you don't want them to come ruin it.

I don't mean that. I mean, like more people will go to that course. Oh, maybe. Like people will be excited. Yeah. The greatest basketball player of all time plays golf on your golf course. Well, yeah, yeah, for sure. If he was going to be a regular, that would suck.

Was he just dropping in? I think it was one of those kind of places. He was probably playing with somebody at a really prestigious course, and they're like, get out of here. Yeah. It's like, why? You've got cargo shorts on. You were telling me the rules.

You can't wear shorts. The good course is you can't wear shorts. Ever. 110 degrees outside. And the caddies. The poor caddies are out there slugging these. I used to caddy growing up. That was my first job was a caddy.

And I weighed like maybe 100 pounds. And they would send me out there with these. Remember Rodney Dangerfield's bag of Caddy Jack? With the tap in it. And these guys would have like 17 clubs. They'd have like 20 extra balls in the bag. They'd have an umbrella, a raincoat, fucking ball retriever. And I'd be out there and I cadded on a really hilly course in New York and it was like straight

up and down. And you're carrying the bags the entire time. Two bags. There's no golf cart. Yeah, there was no golf cart. How much do you think they weighed? Probably 60 pounds pounds 70 pounds fuck

together yeah no I would say each bag I don't know weight that much how much each bag

that'd be like you're carrying 120 pounds probably 40 pounds probably 40 pounds each so you're carrying 80 pounds around and I weigh 100

oh my god and up and down hills and shitty golfers which means one guy hits it to the left the other guy hits it to the right so you gotta run up to the left ball the other guy hits it to the right. So you've got to run up to the left ball, leave his bag, and then take the one bag, run off to the right, see what club that guy needs. And then as soon as he picks his club, run back to the first bag.

And it was crazy. And they say the average golf course, if you walk a golf course, it's about seven miles. And when I would go there and this is the shit this is the thing about when i was a kid i mean i was 13 years old i used to get on my 10 speed bike and i would ride seven miles to the golf course and i'd go to twin donuts on the way i get it i get a ham and egg sandwich on a roll with salt and pepper and a blueberry donut and i'd sit in the caddy yard with these fucking lunatic Irish Catholic kids from Yonkers Bobby killer Kalaki and Nicky Zappio one arm Willie one guy had one arm and then I would go out and I would caddy two fucking bags and then I'd get on my bike and

I'd ride seven miles home again and then and then I'd go out and take mescaline and drink all night sleep four hours come back and do it again now it's like I do a 45-minute workout. I feel like a champion. Dude, I watched Shane Gillis put down 15 beers during a podcast yesterday. Jesus. And he drank another 10 for the rest of the night. He was 25 beers deep by the time we wrapped up the show last night. I was like, that is fucking – I mean, he's a giant dude.

He's a big dude. He's a big boy. But that is preposterous. How often does he do that? I have no idea, but I can't imagine doing it once. I imagine if I drank 25 beers in a day once, the next day I'd be like, there's no more beer in my life. Dude, my brother-in-law drinks, he was drinking three or four six-packs a day his whole life. His whole life.

To when? Until he died? He still drank them, but I don't think he does those kind of numbers. I think he does two six-packs a day now. How is he alive? He looks like me with a washboard stomach. What? Construction guy.

Just a fucking lean, mean machine. Doesn't eat sweets. Doesn't eat breakfast. Starts drinking early. God damn Yeah And I bet he weighs 150 pounds That's crazy

Yeah The amount of calories alone Yep And all that beer Is he drinking light beer? Yeah Yeah that's the thing I think he drinks Bud Light

That's what Shane was drinking too Yeah He was drinking Bud Lights Like they You know It's not that Deep with alcohol. How much alcohol is in a Bud Light?

Four percent? A little higher than four percent. So it's like barely half of a Canadian beer. Right? Isn't it Canadian beer? A Canadian is like eight percent? They have stronger beer. Yeah, like a solid Canadian beer I think is like a nine percent beer. And what is an IPA?

Probably about that. Well, when you get those fucking crafty dudes, those craft beer dudes and start making their own shit, they can kind of dictate. I've had some potent shit. Yeah. Potent craft beer. Does it taste potent or it just feels potent?

Oh, you taste alcohol. You taste fucking wheat, weird shit. Yeah, yeah. Honey. I've had one that was a kombucha beer it's kombucha with alcohol and it was pretty tasty sounds good it was pretty tasty but it tasted just like kombucha and it was a small they gave you a small glass because it was like a lot of alcohol in it yeah weird it's a different thing yeah you know a small glass of beer once you once you're getting

into small glasses of beer this this is a different thing. Right. Yeah. What are we doing here? Yeah. It's so funny. I was just talking to somebody out front about how when you started out, you were straight edge, man. You had a beer once in a while.

Yes. That was it. You didn't smoke weed. Nope. You didn't get drunk. Nope. You didn't take drugs. Nope.

I thought it was for losers. Yeah. And a lot of times that's the truth. A lot of times it is for losers. Well, here's the problem. The problem is that there's people like you that exist. There's Snoop Doggs and there's Joe Rogans and there's people that, and Seth Rogans

who can function at a very high level while high. And so all these teenagers are like, hey, Joe Rogan can do like nine podcasts a week and go on tour and he's high. Why can't I get high? Because most people can't do that. It's a tolerance issue.

Yeah. Like when I smoke weed with a real champ, like Wiz Khalifa or Action Bronson, those guys smoke way more than me. Really? There's people that smoke way more. Snoop smokes way more than me. Yeah. Doing the podcast with Snoop, it was just blunt after blunt. And you kept up with him?

No. No. I didn't even try. Yeah. I tap out early. I need to try to keep this ship together. Yeah. Like when we're having a conversation, I'm trying to guide it and figure out, is this

entertaining? How do we move this along? He's just getting blasted. He's just amazingly entertaining just naturally. But the fact that he can do the Super Bowl high as fuck, he did that. That was awesome. I love that video. You see that video of him smoking weed? He's in that little house getting blasted. My God. Before going on stage in front of millions of people.

Yeah. They said, don't crip walk. Of course he crip walked. Yeah. They told Eminem not to kneel. Of course he kneeled. Yeah. Yeah.

That was interesting. It was interesting people's reaction to it. Some people didn't like it. It's like, well, the halftime show is so strange anyway, right? It's a thing in and of itself. I mean, yes, it's a part of the Super Bowl, but it's not really. It's really just like a chance for a live performance with big superstars. Right.

It's for ratings. Yeah. It's for ratings. Yeah. And it's also like you get the military putting stuff in sporting events, which is always weird to me. It's like all of a sudden, like, you're at a baseball game and you've got to stand up while they show up. And this is not maligning soldiers, but what does that have to do with sports?

Why is it they're suddenly inserting, like, a moment of silence for this or let's salute this guy? The military pays for that shit. Do they really? They pay every, whether it's a Lakers game or a baseball game, whenever they do that shout out to the troops, they pay for that. Whoa. They started doing that like 20 or 30 years ago. Military was never part of sports before.

But then the military wanted to recruit and they said, where can we find young men that are kind of physical? And they said sporting events. And so they started marketing sporting events. Oh, wow. Because you think of it as just an american patriotic thing that's what they try to tie it into oh yeah you don't think of it as like the military's paying yeah but these guys do this all right oh don't get me wrong joe rogan i love america i do too. Yeah. Yeah, I do too, but you know, it's tricky. Yeah. What if they start doing that for comedy shows?

You know, because you know there's those crappy comics to do. How about a nice shout out to all the ladies? How about a shout out to the troops? What if it turns out the ladies and the troops are paying for this? On the way in, there's just a hat that the hot chicks put money in. A bunch of girls going, listen, I'd like you to give a shout out to the ladies.

Okay. Okay. What do we got here? A thousand bucks? Okay. For an extra 50, I'll do crowd work with you. I'll talk about your dress. How many times has that happened to you?

Hey, it's my friend's birthday. Will you please call it out and make fun of her? Yeah. There's a whole show that's prepared. Just because it's live. You had a good heckler last night down at the Vulcan. You had this fucking lunatic who

yells out, and it was exactly what you said. First a chick said something that was kind of like, it wasn't a big deal. I forget what she said. It was like a minor thing. She's like, survival of the fittest. Yeah. And then you dealt with her in a funny way, but it was like you had wrapped it up.

You'd put a bow on it. You shit on her. You put her in her place. You were moving on. And then the floodgate, once one person starts, all of a sudden the floodgates open. That's what happens. And this guy yells out, Elon Musk, get the fuck out of Texas or something? Tell Elon, get the fuck out of Texas.

Like, oh, the smartest man in the world is involved in completely revolutionizing Ford's separate businesses. Creating 100,000 jobs in the state of Texas. Why would you want him here bringing all those great jobs to the state of Texas? Why would you want him here with his fucking rockets that are putting people on Mars and his Tesla plant? That gigafactory, there's a giant party there tonight. It is the biggest fucking

place I've ever been to in my life. Really? It's crazy. It looks like some government facility. It looks like you're not supposed to be there. And they built that fast, huh? It's so big, dude. It's so fucking big. Like, that's where I saw the Tesla Cybertruck.

Elon was showing us the truck. Oh, really? Yeah. It's giant. I think it sounds badass. It's amazing. It's one of the best looking cars I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. You see it in real life. He told me it'll stop a.45..45 handgun. Oh, shit. Yeah. I go, a. 45? Like, that's

a fucking heavy round. Whoa. Yeah. The doors and the windows. No shit. Yeah. It's a fucking serious armored vehicle. You getting one? Fuck yeah! 100%. Is he gonna give you one is the question. No! I bought, he doesn't give anybody them. Yeah. He doesn't give away cars.

I bought my other Tesla from him. I bought my current Tesla. Yeah. I have the Plaid. It's Plaid? It's called Plaid. Oh. Do you know what it is?

No. You know what they do? He's a fan of Spaceballs, the movie. Yeah, I love Spaceballs. And Plaid was like, what was it, like a mode in one of their, is that what it was? In the spaceship? Uh-huh. Like where it goes super fast.

It's the most preposterous car I've ever driven in my life. Yeah. It's so fast. It goes 0 to 60 in 1.9 seconds. What? 1.9 seconds. Is that the fastest car out there? It's got to be up there.

I mean, it's certainly one of the fastest cars in the world. You get to the line, and there's a Lambo next to you at a red light. You're right. He's gone. Yeah, he's gone. He gets buried. Wow. Yeah, he's gone. He gets buried. Wow. Yeah.

All my cars that are fast, like my Porsche, my muscle cars, they don't have a chance. Wow. They don't have a chance with that very sedate looking four-door sedan, four-door family sedan. Damn. It's so conservative looking. And you don't have to take the time to shift gears because it just winds on one motor. One gear.

There's no gears and the acceleration is instantaneous. Yeah. It's literally like a roller coaster. Dude, next time I'm in town, I need a ride. Oh, you need a ride. You need a ride. I took Tim Dillon in a ride and he was screaming. He was like, Jesus Christ! You can't believe how fast it is.

Wow. Yeah. Because my kids had been used to the old one, which is very fast, too. Was that the X? I had the, no, Jamie's got the X. I got the, I had the P100D, which was like the last model. It's like the four-door model, which is also stupid fast. Like, no reason to make it faster than that. No, it's pretty dangerous to go that fast.

I took them the other day. I'm like, are you ready? They're like, everybody's ready. I go, here we go. Boom! And I nail it and just, ah! You hear a little girl screaming in the backseat because it's so fast. Yeah.

I remember I rented a car. I rented a Mustang because, as you know, I've always wanted a Mustang. I can't believe you haven't bought one yet. It's ridiculous. It hurts my feelings. Yeah, I know. So I rented a Mustang because as you know, I've always wanted a Mustang. I can't believe you haven't bought one yet. It's ridiculous. It hurts my feelings. Yeah, I know. So I rented one. I know. Two kids in college, man. It's paid for. I got that money.

I get it. So I rented this Mustang. It was a GT and it was a convertible. And I took my... This is the difference between my son and my daughter. I took my son out first and I'm fucking gunning it. We're flying around Venice and he's going, slow down, slow down. And then we went home and I took, put my daughter in the car and I'm flooring it. And she's, she's like kneeling in the seat, putting her head up in the air going faster faster and it's always been that's been our life she is me and my my son is my wife we line up exactly that's hilarious yeah

isn't it weird how your kids just come out of the box totally different personalities you're right like people i used to before i had kids i thought was like a nature, like it was more of a nurture thing than a nature thing. I thought, you know, like, but it's not. It's definitely both. It's both. But I think you can take the, for a lot of parents, we really, we get neurotic about whether or not we're doing all the right things for our kids. Are we doing enough? Did I fuck them up?

And sometimes you got to give yourself a break and go, you know what? It's mostly nature. There's a lot of nature in there. You could definitely fuck a kid up. But it's interesting when they find twins that were separated at birth and adopted by different parents. And then they bring them together and they like the same music. They wear the same clothes. Play the same sports.

Yeah, it's nuts. It's weird. I know. I know. I just read about these twins that they found that were like that. And like, yeah, it was exactly that. They both had like music scholarships for the same fucking instruments to colleges. So strange.

Yeah. So strange. Like what are we? Like what kind of combination of genes and epigenetics and natural environments? And like what are we? We're such a strange animal. We come out. but i guess that's not that's kind of the case with dogs too if you've had puppies like different puppies like

for whatever reason they just come out of the box like that they're just different yeah we had these two puppies that were siblings that we adopted together and they were rescues and one of them is the fucking nicest dog in the world the other one we had to we had to send back because we had kids and it was biting fucking everybody really yeah how old was it they were maybe a year and it was biting people yeah like angrily yeah and it was a lasso like just a cute little dog but weird but they got a temp some of them have tempers yeah but but it's amazing when you raise kids though and you ask yourself these questions about, you know, the nature of, you know, human development and you get to watch them. And it's like, I don't I don't understand why my father was not more interested in us as kids. There's nothing I am more curious about over the last 20 years than watching every second of

my kids' development and seeing the choices they make and how they become who they are. I mean, nothing comes close to that being that interesting. I think it's our generation responding to the sort of lackadaisical effort that our previous generation put in. Right. You know, I think we also, I think our parents were raised by savages. Yeah. I don't think we realize how much of a difference, like 1920 versus 2020 really is. It's a, the world is such a different place. My grandparents came over from Italy and Ireland

and they were raised by savages. They were savage people. And those are the people that raised my mom. And that's just how things were. Your kids, you just open the door, and you let them out, and you hope they didn't get eaten by wolves. That was how you had children. You had a bunch of them, and if one of them died, you cried at the funeral. That's it.

That's how they did it. And one of them did, you cried at the funeral. Yeah. That's it. That's how they did it. And one of them did die. Yeah, a lot of times. I mean, statistically, like, you know, there was, back then there was so many diseases that, you know, kids died from. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And my grandfather, my mother's father, who's the one I most relate to, he's the relative I feel the strongest kinship to because I knew him the best.

He was one of 13. He was the youngest of 13 in ireland they lived in a fucking two-room mud house oh my god and they would save up money and they'd send one kid over at a time and they then they then the kids that got over to the u.s would send money back to ireland and they won one by one and in i don't know if they do this in in italy in Ireland, the oldest daughter stays behind with the parents. That was your Social Security plan. Wow. One kid stayed behind and took care of you. And the other 12 all came to the U.S.

That kid got fucked. That's right. Unless you like Ireland, which is great. I mean, now. Plus, she's got that room all to herself now. That one room. mean now plus she's got that room all to herself now that one room but back in those days it's so crazy that people would be willing to take that kind of a chance they didn't even have a video to watch right you know there was there was just anecdotal evidence that america was better yeah

that you had more opportunity there imagine a trip and also was it better opportunity i mean you showed up in america if you showed up during um you know a lot of the a lot of the irish came over during the famine which was in like 1840 or something and they they got off the boat right into the fucking uh civil war and they got thrown into the army or some of them came during world war one and they got food they got thrown into the army. Or some of them came during World War I. At least there's food. They got enlisted. Right. At least there's food you can hide in the woods if she goes south. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, the Irish had a rough lot, man. My son's got a sign on his wall in Chicago. There's an actual sign that says, Irish need not apply. He got it at some antique store. Oh, wow. It was real, man. We were fucking, we were sav savages we were uneducated we believed in this crazy catholic religion that

they didn't believe in in this country and we were we were looked down upon for being catholic yeah catholics until president kennedy that was a that was a historic moment that a catholic became president oh yeah they thought like we don't think of that now you think of a catholic as just being That was a historic moment that a Catholic became president. Oh, yeah. We don't think of that now. You think of a Catholic as just being a consistent branch of Christianity. Right, right. But I guess it was the case after Kennedy. I guess you and I grew up in an era after Kennedy, so it had already kind of been accepted.

But back then, when I talked to my grandparents about it, they were saying Catholics were looked down upon. Well, they were looked at like that the Pope would rule this country. That was the fear that they were fed, was that it was a papal rule. Interesting. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Have you been to the Vatican? Yeah.

Fucking crazy, right? Yeah, it is crazy. You realize how much money those motherfuckers have? When you walk around and look at all that artwork and you're like, hey, where'd you get this? You're right. I see some Jewish tears on the corner of this Monet over here. It's basically like they're hoarders. Yeah, I know.

They're hoarders for like generation after generation of spectacular artwork. Yeah. Because it's all just kind of laying around. Yeah. generation of spectacular artwork. Yeah. Because it's all just kind of laying around. Yeah.

No, 60 Minutes did a piece on the basement of the Vatican where they have all these archives of just drawer after drawer of like Byzantine tiled art and, you know, oil paintings and sketches. And I mean, it goes on forever. And that shit, you want to talk about pay. Pay every kid that's been molested. Give them a fucking painting. They should just have like an open house where if you've been molested, you get a wristband, you go in, and you get to leave with one piece of art. That's the darkest part about the Catholic religion that everyone knows. Right.

Everyone knows it's connected to child molesting. Yeah. Everyone knows. Yeah. And we joked about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Priest and an altar boy walk into a bar.

Isn't that funny? No. I mean, neither of us got it, but we all know somebody who got it. Yeah. We all know somebody who got molested. Yep. Oh, yeah. I know a couple people, and I tell you what, their lives are fucking miserable who got it. Yeah. We all know somebody who got molested. Yep. Oh, yeah. I know a couple people, and I tell you what, their lives are fucking miserable because of it.

Yeah. I got a friend who was molested by a priest. He has been in and out of rehabs his entire adult life because he's never dealt with it. Well, it starts you off in life in the worst possible way. You're seven years old. Someone entrusts you with a priest. He shoves his cock in your mouth and you're like what what what is god what is what is life like what what kind of rules are there i remember it didn't have nothing that didn't happen to me but i did have a horrible

fucking catholic school teacher in first grade she was such a cunt sister. Sister Mary Josephine. I can't remember anybody's name from back then, but I remember this bitch. Really? She was so fucking mean. Yeah. I don't remember if she hit me or threatened to hit me. I can't remember. It was just like constant fear. I remember she used to tell you, she'd make you stay overnight and sit on a nail. What? Yeah. Yeah. She would, she was going to keep you after school and she she'd make fun of you if you cried. She'd mock you. Did you tell your parents about this? Yeah, my mom was like, whatever. Yeah, it's good for your grades.

You're getting good grades there. Did you ever have to sit on the nail? No, no, she wasn't really making anybody sit on the nail. She was just saying she was going to make you sit on the nail. She was just terrifying and just terrorizing little kids. But the glee that she had, the way she would, and then it just took a while for me to real, and it kind of killed my, my interest in religion because when my parents broke up, I was five and I remember being really into God then because I

wanted things to make sense. Cause like I was five years, and all of a sudden, I'd seen my dad hit my mom. And then it was scary. My dad yelling at my mom, and he hits her. And then we run out of the house. We flee. And all of a sudden, now we're staying with my grandparents. And I remember being terrified. And I remember thinking, I was looking for order and for someone who was like a leader

because clearly I saw what my dad did, and in my eyes I was like, I had immediately written him off. I was like, well, he's a piece of shit. He just hit my mother. I saw the whole argument. Right. I saw why he hit her. She brought home hamburger meat for dinner,

and he got mad that she brought home hamburger for dinner, and he smacked her in the head and knocked her down. I saw it happen. I'll never forget it. Never forget it. I'll never forget running into the bedroom to hide. I'll never forget. I remember the print on the sheets that I was standing behind,

looking down because it was in the 70s, right? So it had these loops on the was in the 70s right so it had these like loops on the sheets everything was like you know colorful back then and uh so then i got really into religion and i was like i was talking about god all the time and i was trying to read the bible and i was looking forward to going to catholic school because like in my mind that represented order and then i went there and that cunt just fucking chased it all out of me right by the time i was done i was like there's no way these people know god this is not the nuns are not the ones that should be the face of the church because especially with kids because they and my mother went to catholic school in the

bronx and got the shit kicked out of her all the kids did because these nuns they joined the nunnery because they didn't want kids that's why they joined they were running from that life and then they they joined up and then they went all right here's 30 fucking kids for eight hours a day that you're now going to teach and they're miserable and they resent them yeah nuns are fucking nuns are the funniest thing because like first of all we make fun of the Muslims

for how the women are forced to dress what's a nun wearing it's like it's like a it's a burqa with a skylight you know what I mean

they have to cover their ankles they wear those ugly fucking shoes and then they are just like cheerleaders for the priest they can't perform a mass.

They can't do the transfiguration. They can't. Right. Yeah, they're just like these second-class citizens for life. And I don't know. I just, whenever I see them, it's like seeing a little person or something. You get happy, and you want to run up and take a selfie or hug them or something don't you get excited when you see a nun no i don't you get terrified no i get sad

yeah i'm like this is a waste of a life yeah like because i just when when i was there and i saw how this lady was treating kids all i could think of was like my god she must be miserable this is me as like a six-year-old. And I'm like, she must be fucking miserable. Like there's no way you're a happy person. But in my eyes, it's like there's no way this is connected to God. Like if God is real, he doesn't have anything to do with this. And it cured me of religion in first grade.

By the time the first grade was over, my sister, though, who went to the same Catholic school, they had teachers who were priests and teachers who were just regular people. She got a regular lady, and the regular lady was so nice. Yeah. And I was like, ah, fuck. I got robbed.

You did, and that's a shame because I'm not completely, you know, like the Catholic Church gave me a lot, and I definitely went for the ride a lot longer than you did. And I feel like it did order the universe for me in a big way, you know. And then I was devastated when I was a teenager and I realized it was a bunch of lies.

It really, it fucked me up existentially for a while. Really? When did you figure it out? In high school, we took a class called The Bible as World Literature, and it traced all the major parables in the Bible. Noah's Ark,

the Garden of Eden, two previous, like, pagan texts that had existed for, like, hundreds of years before the Bible was written or Christ came, and I was just like, no. No. Really? No. Yeah, I was, because I used to talk to God and I was just like, no. No. Really? No.

Yeah, because I used to talk to God. I talked to Jesus. I felt like a kinship with Jesus. I still do. I still talk to God sometimes. It's not religious. It's spiritual. But that structure was put in there for me as a kid where I was told that there was this person that loved me and forgave me.

And that was a beautiful thing. And it's still in there. I reject the church. Yeah. But I'll take God. I'll take Jesus. What kind of school were you in when you learned all this stuff? I was at a private school.

So it was just a regular. So it was very progressive. Interesting. And so what did they, like where's Adam and Eve? What did that come from? God, I don't remember. I don't know.

I think the first references to like the first version of a similar story to Noah and the Ark is Epic of Gilgamesh, right? Okay. That's 6,000 years ago. So it's many thousand years before the Bible. Yeah.

And then there's a lot of other ones that are like real similar. Well, and it's also, it's all based on, the pagans worship nature. Well, and it's also, it's all based on, the pagans worship nature. They basically, so if you look at Christ's birth was December 25th, which is basically the winter solstice. Easter, when he rose from the dead, was the vernal equinox. That was spring. You know, it all corresponded with natural occurrences. Everything in the Christian calendar. Yeah, and that wasn't really originally when his birth was supposed to be.

No. Right? It was supposed to be in January or something. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And they moved it around just to get the pagans on board. Yeah.

That was during Constantine, right? Yeah. Wasn't that during the Roman Empire? Right. And Constantine wasn't even a Christian until he was dying, like on his deathbed. And he was like, eh, I'll try it. Might as well. Yeah, you never know.

You never get to lose. Hedge your bets. I'm in the middle of reading Meditations while I'm listening to the audiobook of Meditations by Marcus Rios. Oh, right. Yeah. Fascinating. Yeah.

Fascinating that a man who lived almost 2,000 years ago was so in tune with all of the basic aspects of being a person, all the pitfalls of ego and of courage and of, you know, seeking knowledge and of balance, the balance of life. He was aware of all this stuff. Yeah. Almost 2000 years ago. Right. It's really crazy. It is. And like a lot of it, there's been a renaissance of he's come back because a lot of it is like I go to therapy and the thing I do is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is basically looking at your thoughts and realizing that your thoughts are not your reality. And that traces back to him. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. not your reality and that traces back to him yes yes yeah he he said that one of the the great quotes that i put it up on my instagram he said that the your happiness is directly connected to the quality of your thinking right which is fascinating right and and it and it's the to challenge i mean it's the the whole idea of challenging was, you know, pretty monumental back then. Yes. You know, people didn't challenge. Right. I wonder what they did and didn't do.

You know, we have this interpretation of what they did and didn't do based on literature. And also the amount of literature that we have, relatively speaking, compared to what we have about today. Like we have versions of life today by people that we don't agree with. We would read these versions of life today and we go, well, this is not accurate. But if someone finds these versions of what life is today, a thousand, two thousand years from now, they're going to read it and they're going to go, oh, this is how people felt. Right. This is their perceptions of things. Right.

It's not necessarily accurate because you just have a small amount of people that are relaying this information. Whereas today, you have so many people relaying this information. So when you read about what life was like 2,000 years ago from one person's perspective, it always makes me wonder. How many different schools of thought were there back then? There's people today that are extremely close-minded, extremely cynical. You know, they have very negative ways of thinking and this is how they go through life. If you read that guy's journal, if you wrote a journal and then it got passed down thousands of years later, they read it like, oh, this is how people looked at the world back then.

They were so cynical. That's why they drank and did drugs and they just, their life was a misery. But then you, some other persons like eating healthy food and doing yoga and, you know, going to charities and giving people love and attention and trying to make the world a better place. And they coexist. Right. It's just like, whose version of life do you get to hear?

Yeah. That's why I like, did you read Howard Zinn at all? No. History of the Americas. And it's basically, it's the history of america but told from different perspectives of the native american of of the slave and and it's it's very interesting because it is like wow this is the same group of events but seen in a completely different way he was uh he was a teacher at bu harrods in he was a teacher at BU, Howard Zinn. He was a really important guy.

They quote him in Good Will Hunting. That was, remember the big speech where he tells off the guy in the Harvard bar? He's quoting Howard Zinn a lot in that. Yeah, it is amazing how someone's perspective, even someone who lived thousands of years ago, can be directly applied. Like, we're really the same thing. Like, if you lived in the time of Marcus Aurelius, you would be Greg Fitzsimmons living 2,000 years ago.

You would fit right in. You would eventually adapt, and you would get used to it. Just like people got used to wearing masks and standing six feet apart from each other real quick. Yeah. Right. Real quick. Everybody got used to that. Right. We got used to all kinds of weird things that we just accept as common in society. We get used to like you see some countries that have like these very strict religious adherences. Like you have to follow these rules. Right. If you don't follow these rules, it's extremely disrespectful. They just got accustomed to it.

If we lived there, we would get accustomed to that too. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder what I... God damn. I wonder if I could have gotten by and... The skill sets that you and I have that have made us somewhat successful, one of us more than the other,

but you'll catch up. And you wonder if those same skills would be applicable if it was the medieval times. No, we'd be fucked. I'd be the court jester. That's a shit job. A lot of court jesters died.

Yeah, they tried out something. You bomb one night and off with your head. That was the problem with court jesters. There weren't open mics where you could like try out new material. You had to go straight to the king with your new shit. How did you ever develop a good relationship with the king? Like where like the king knows that you're just fucking around. King. Come on.

King. You know? Yeah, she's not really fat king. It's just an old joke. Like the Chris Rock, Will Smith thing. I mean, this is essentially the jester and royalty. Right. Interesting.

It's exactly what it is. Interesting. Will Smith is as much royalty in America, kind of tainted now, like severely tainted. Yeah. But before that moment where he walked on that stage and slapped Chris Rock in the face, within minutes he was about to win an Oscar, right? Like later on in the night he won an Oscar. He is one of the greatest actors of all time.

He's been in so many films. He's beloved by everyone. And then decides he doesn't like the way the jester is referring to his wife yeah even the most mild of ways if that was a thousand years ago he might have just walked up and cut his fucking head off in front of everybody and made everybody clean it up yeah he just sat there and watched with his feet up and ate grapes while they clean Chris Rock's body up yeah mopped all the blood that poured out of his neck hole.

While people cheered. Yeah, for sure. And then people would take his side. Just like there's a bunch of people that have taken Will Smith's side. I've read a lot of people take Will Smith's side. Well, Tiffany Haddish did. Preposterous. Yeah.

I mean, how do you as a comedian take the side of a guy that is attacking somebody who's just doing what was not a harsh joke? Yeah. Not just not harsh, but complimentary. G.I. Jane 2. Which, by the way, I'm up for it. I'm very excited. I'm up for the role.

Congratulations. Yeah, thanks. G.I. Jane 2 is what he said. G.I. Jane 1 stars Demi Moore, fucking gorgeous actress. Yep. She's a Navy SEAL in the movie. Strong woman. Strong woman. Total, complete badass. Becomes

a Navy SEAL. Tells a guy to suck her dick. Like, literally. Yeah. This is the movie. This is a great movie for women. It's an empowering movie. So saying G.I. Jane 2 to you. Yeah. I think there was some history there because he had also made some jokes about when the Black Lives Matter thing happened. She boycotted the Oscars. No, no. It wasn't Black Lives Matter. No, Oscars So White. Oscars So White. Yeah. She boycotted the Oscars. And then he made a joke about how she wasn't invited to the Oscars in the first place. It's like me boycotting Rihanna's panties or something. Exactly. He said, isn't she on a TV show? Yeah.

Well, that's the one that gets the actors. Aren't you on a TV show? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I remember I was dating this girl once. This was before I had my no headshots policy. I was dating this girl once and I was on on TV show and she was trying to get into film She was an actress and she said she was shitting on me. She goes I wouldn't want to do TV

I just want to do film and I remember like throwing my head back going ah I Go hold on so if the producer friends I go, hold on. So if the producer of Friends just calls you up and says, hey, we would love to have a show wrapped around you, you're going to be like, no. I want to do independent films. And I just was mocking her. I was like, what did you just say?

I don't want to do TV. I'm going to do films. You're not doing anything. You're literally not doing anything. And you're telling me you don't want to do a television show. Yeah. But that was a thing back then for serious actors. Until these shows like Sopranos and all the Netflix shows and Game of Thrones, these serial shows that proved to be more in-depth, more dynamic, more interesting.

Better writing. More captivating. Yeah. They have so much more time to develop plot lines and characters and it's just Game of Thrones is better than any movie

that's ever existed by far by a long shot and also as an actor to get a role like James Gandolfini got and said okay here's a role

we can either do this for two hours once and we can try to have a character arc happen there, or we can do it for 10 years, and this character will go to all. You can explore different facets of this character, and we've got a staff of genius writers that'll come up with stuff.

I mean, what an adventure for an actor to go through that. Yeah. Ruth from Ozark. Oh, holy shit. She's good. You don't get a Ruth from Ozark in a movie. Yeah, right.

You don't have the time. Right. You gotta build into that. Yep, yep. What is her name? You're gonna have to fucking kill me!

Yeah! Woo! Yeah, was that the season finale? Yeah, that bitch is wild. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know shit about fuck. She's one of the greatest characters in all of movies. She is. In all of acting. Well, I like it when there's a character. It's like Steve Buscemi. When you see somebody that physically does not look like they could be a badass, and then they transform into somebody that is scary.

Oh, she's awesome. I think she won the Emmy for it last year. Wow, she's only 27. Didn't she win the Emmy? She should have. I mean, who knows? I think award shows are nonsense, and I feel even stronger about it.

Yeah, she did. After, yeah, she did. I feel even stronger that awards are nonsense after watching the Oscars allow Will Smith to go on stage and receive an Oscar and give a speech after he assaulted someone on television. Yeah. After he broke a law.

Like, you can go to jail for that for quite a long time. And let's be honest. It's a workplace. Yes. You are at work. Yes. The Oscars is part of your job. Yes.

And in a workplace, somebody physically assaulted somebody and then got employee of the month. Employee of the year. Employee of the year. That's employee of the year, right? Right, right. That's basically employee of the year. If you're best actor. Yep.

Right? Yep. Oh my God. Wild. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. It's a morally vacant and bankrupt industry. It really is. I mean, just the compilation of people thanking Harvey Weinstein over and over and over again.

All these Oscar winners and huge celebrities and all these progressive liberal icons thanking Harvey. They would go up and whenever they would win something, they would 100% thank Harvey. You want to be in another Harvey movie? You're going to thank Harvey, motherfucker. And you go up there, and you thank Harvey, and you take pictures, and you hug him. There's a list of people that have photos with that guy. And like the priest altar boy thing, they knew.

They knew. I knew. I'm not exactly on the inside of Hollywood, and I was well aware of Harvey's casting couch. Everybody did. Tarantino was telling me about an old Hollywood producer that had an office with a bedroom in it. And he would take the starlets, they would come into his office, and he would literally open up the bedroom, and he had a bed right there, and he would fuck them. And they fucked all the stars because you were

the only way that they were gonna get in a movie Wow and so if you wanted to be in a movie you had a fuck and there was a woman we've talked about this before was it Maureen the Irish woman do you remember her name who wrote an article about it they gave they interviewed her from that time from early hollywood and she was explaining how her career is not going to go anywhere because she won't fuck these guys and she was an old school hollywood movie star yeah and she was like at this pinnacle of her life but realizing she's not going to keep working maureen o'dowd maureen dowd is the times writer oh no it's not what's the name god damn it i know that uh jerry

lewis got trouble and you know a woman came out and said it was standard that if you worked with jerry lewis he went in his dressing room and you had sex with him if you were if you were cast as the girlfriend in his new movie you were going and she was brought into his trailer and he just basically fucking took his pants off and expected it and i can't remember if she actually had sex with him or not but she said that that was the standard that was the rule what is the maureen o'hara that's it that's it wow see if you get see if you get the quote, because it's pretty crazy. I think she was in The Quiet Man with John Wayne. Oh, yeah? What year was that?

50s? 50s. I think that makes sense. She gave this quote as to what it was like to be an actress back then. Yeah. And I mean, I think that's what that business was about it was about the executives and the all the the people that like put the money into the movies and they would all hobnob and they would all bang the actresses yeah which is crazy and plus when it was the studio system

and you got hired for a three-year contract you were having sex with the head of the studio for that. I guess you probably had to. Yeah. That was crazy. That was the whole, I mean, if you think about it, we've discussed this before, but the business itself is so insane because you take people that are incredibly insecure, and generally speaking, most of them were either ignored or they had some sort of childhood trauma that leads them to seek out exorbitant amounts of attention.

Yeah. Like not just regular amounts of attention, but exorbitant. And I'm sure there's very healthy people that want to act. And I've met healthy people that are actors. But it's hard to make it in that business. And the people that really, really, really want it and find a way to fucking network their way and do the politics thing and get through the real fucking sociopaths that get through to the golden handle of the, of the, I made it door and turn that knob.

That is the worst environment for them. You're going into a place where you get chosen or not chosen. And most of the time you don't get chosen. So you go into audition. So basically they're deciding whether they like you in real time. And you walk in there and you hope they like you. And most of the time they don't. So every time you get rejected, you just get shot down further and further and further.

And then you see people who do make it and you get more and more resentment. And then some fat fuck like Harvey Weinstein comes along and offers you, listen, I can guarantee you an Academy Award. Right. Just got to guarantee I nut in your mouth. Irish film star Maureen O'Hara today charged Hollywood producers and directors with calling her a cold potato without sex appeal because she refuses to let them make love to her, says the Mirror New York correspondent.

I'm so upset with it that I am ready to quit Hollywood, Maureen says. It's got so bad, I hate to come to work in the mornings. I'm a helpless victim of a Hollywood whispering campaign because I don't let the producer and director kiss me every morning or let them paw me. They have spread word around town that I am not a woman, that I am a cold piece of marble statuary. I guess Hollywood won't consider me as anything except a cold hunk of marble until I divorce my husband,

give my baby away, and get my name and photograph in all the newspapers. If that's Hollywood's idea of being a woman, I'm ready to quit now. And this is from what year? 1945. Wow. That's wild.

She was in that movie with John Wayne. The whole plot line was that they were engaged and she was being difficult. And the big payoff at the end of the movie is John Wayne fucking hits her and drags her through the fields, knocking her down. And it's like this feel good ending that's kind of a comedy. Yeah. That's again, like we were talking about the difference between 1920 and 2020, that there's literally, there's completely different worlds. Yeah.

Completely different kinds of human beings. And that's represented in the art. If you watch movies, I mean, just watch Steve McQueen movies from 1970, smacks the shit out of his co-star. I mean, everybody hit people back then. It was normal for a star of a film to hit the co-star,

who's a female, in the face. Right. All the time. And it was felt justified. She talked back. I mean, it was, there's so many films like that. Right.

Look at this. McClintlock. Oh, yeah, there it is. It's magnificent. Wow. That's crazy. She's over his knees and he's spanking her. Yeah.

John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara in McClintlock. What is that movie like? Have you seen it? I think we might have watched this clip before. That's kind of why I pulled it up. Wayne and Maureen O'Hara in McClintlock. What is that movie like? Have you seen it? I think we might have watched this clip before. That's kind of why I pulled it up. Yeah, she was a hottie. Give me some volume.

There's some wild scene in here, I think. Couldn't get some. It's also interesting the fascination that people had with the West back then. Yeah. I mean, how many West movies were made? Still making them. Everybody's watching him chase this woman away. She's running to get away from him, and the crowd's like, let's see what happens.

Maybe he'll beat her Wow so this is the 1940s or 50s it's in color so it's got to be the 50s, right? Yeah, it's the 50s. I think it's the 52, maybe. So he follows her into the barn. Uh-oh. Oh, her pants fall off. The dress gets cut. That was a note from the network. Yeah, we need to see some legs. So he's just casually walking

while she's running because she's got heels on. She can't run fast. And he can just, as a strong man, stroll after her and keep up with her. She hit him with a tomato. He climbs over the counter. She's still running away from him. Chinese stereotype guy in the background watching. He falls down because she throws some buckets around.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, boy. Now he's going to hit her with the bucket? Is that what's going to happen? Oh, my God. This is so corny. Oh, my God. He's falling down.

But this is what's wild. Everybody is outside, like, stomping at the doors, trying to get in to watch him chase her. While they destroy a guy's store. Yeah, and this guy, they don't give a fuck. This guy's like, hey, my store. Oh my god, she pushes the chair at him and he falls down.

Now she's gonna escape. Oh no. Uh oh, here comes the beating. He can't even get up. So unathletic. All right, let's get her going up a ladder. Let's get a low-angle shot of her going up the ladder. Terrible.

Oh, my God. Look, the ladder came loose. Oh, butt shot up the ladder. And that's just hotness. Oh, man. Let's get her wet. Let's get her wet in the slip. Wow.

Oh, she pulls her in, too. But you see her, like, that's all just natural hotness. Girls didn't even work out back then. Oh, look at this. My lord. Isn't it funny when you see a woman like that and you think, what does she look like today? She's dead.

She's dead. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she was probably 30 then. That's a dead lady. Right? What are the odds she's alive? Sometimes you see an old lady and you're like, wow, you were hot 50 years ago, weren't you?

Oh, for sure. Oh, she's good. You sitting on your style? This is hilarious. The way they all follow him as he's chasing her is so goddamn strange. Yeah. Like, imagine this movie today. Imagine if someone did a recreation of McClintock. Yeah. Like, imagine this movie today. Imagine if someone did a recreation of McClintock.

Yeah. Imagine. Right. All right, now he's going to walk in. He knows where she is. Oh, no. Now he's got her. She throws herself through a window rather than get beat by this man.

Oh, now he's got her. Now he grabs her by the hand, and everybody loves look at them laughing she just went through a window now He's manhandling her hilarious oh Now he's gonna put her over his lap, and he's gonna spank her in front of everybody Now you're gonna get your come up. Oh, a guy gives her a fucking shovel and he's beating her with a shovel. Damn.

Oh my God. Oh my God. This is wild. Yeah. She's screaming and he's hit her like 10 times in the ass with a metal shovel. She's screaming, and he's hit her like ten times in the ass with a metal shovel. Now get your divorce. That's how divorce worked back then. Wow.

Don't think you're going to get rid of me that easy. She still wants him, in other words. He beat her with a shovel in front of the whole town. And she's saying, this marriage is not over. And now she's chasing. This is how unrealistic Hollywood was back then. She catches this carriage in her heels where she couldn't run from a guy walking just five minutes ago. And now she catches the carriage that's pulled by horses.

And now she's been subdued and we see them at home and now it's docile and they're making out. Is that what's happening? Yep. He solved the problem. The problem was. She needed a beating. She needed a beating. Wow.

That's wild. Yeah. That's wild. And the crazy thing is that's not the movie I was talking about. It's another movie with the two of them where it's the same ending. Really? Yes. So he beat up a lot of women in those movies.

Well, her in particular. It was a regular thing. How much domestic abuse existed back then? Was it 100%? How many husbands and wives physically fought back then? I think that they really did think that they were like when they I know when they had kids, they felt like it was a duty that, you know, spare the rod, spoil the child. Like they really thought it was part of parenting. And I think that that probably extended to marriage to some extent also.

I mean, I can't think hitting my wife is the furthest thing I could ever imagine. Like the impulse. I've been mad at her. I've yelled at her. But to lift my hand to strike her is so foreign to me. Hitting anybody. If I'm hitting someone, it's because there's a lot of danger. Right.

Some real bad things are happening if I'm hitting somebody. It's not I'm upset at someone if I'm hitting someone it's because I have to this is the fact that this is like how they used to have comedy movies the fact that the whole town was following him around is so strange

like I'd like to be in the writing room and then we'll have the whole town follow John Wayne as he chases Maureen through the streets. I like it. I like it. You know, like an angry mob. Yeah. Like a bunch of gawkers. Yeah. Just all

gawkers. Onlookers, you know? Just a bunch of rubberneckers following him around with big smiles on their face. Laughing while he beats his wife over his knee. And that's the final scene is them kissing because he he tamed her all right like a wild bronco yeah he broke her because she was broken wow there was something wrong with her that's that's less than 100 years ago that's

what's crazy yeah like that when you look at art it shows it gives you, it's like a time machine. It's one of the more amazing things about film is that it's a time machine into this era where things were just way different. And one of the best representations of that is comedy. Like comedy from 1950 just doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. You know? It's like the wrong pieces and the gearing's off and it's got the wrong fuel. It doesn't work.

It just doesn't work. Well, sometimes it does. Like, I can still watch them. My kids watched the Marx Brothers when they were little, and they got it from the get-go. They were kids. They didn't know any better. No. Show it to a 40-year-old.

You don't like the Marx Brothers? It's good. It's good. It's film. It's interesting because it's a part of an earlier era. Right. But what I was talking about is stand-up. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Stand-up is- Lenny Bruce, who without him, neither one of us would be here. Yeah. Right? He was the- In my feeling, he is the OG. He's the godfather.

He's the guy who figured out how to take social and cultural issues and just a unique take on life and explain it in a way that blew people away. Right. It was not just jokes. And he brought in the fact that he was Jewish. There was a context. There was opinions. Yeah, he was a context. There was opinions. He was challenging everything. The way he went

off the rails at the end with all the legal stuff, it was a testament to the fact that he was going to be true to whatever was going on in his head. It was a shame because that wasn't going through everybody else's head. They didn't want to hear it. He was reading court papers on stage. There's video that i've watched the videos yeah um but

if you go and watch his stand-up from the early 60s it's not applicable no it doesn't work today there's a couple of jokes that work today like a couple every now and then you're like ah that's pretty funny but for the most part that ground has been tread upon by so many people since then that it's like the things that he's time capsule and to see somebody go on stage and talk in that way at a time when people didn't talk that way was very brave not just the language but the the rhythm of it and the attitude of it everything about it was really like he was a maverick yeah he was a maverick and he was a brilliant guy who saw things and knew that there was a way to talk about them on stage that would change people's opinions of these things change the way people saw these subjects and the way to do that is to make them laugh about them right and so he was expanding people's perceptions while doing stand-up

comedy but it's a time capsule if you didn't live in that time if we lived back then we would be howling at him the way we howl at dave chappelle today but we don't live back then right so it's like you you're so advanced by the time you're a 54 year old man today the amount of exposure you've had to different styles of living and ways of life and philosophies and different there's just like so much texture to society and life that just doesn't seem to exist back then because of the time so if you i would love to just man if i had a fucking time machine and i could just sit unobserved and just watch a Lenny Bruce performance from in being in the crowd in 1964 at the village gate or something amazing yeah amazing just to see the people back

then like what was it what was it like to walk around back then like what what was it like like see them smoking cigarettes inside and laughing and like, how do they treat each other? Like, they're different kinds of humans, man. And you see it in film. And also as a comedian, it's so hard for us to break through what people have already seen. And like you said, it's like, it's a more limited, it's a like, people were of the same ilk back then.

They were predominantly the same races and that same like repressive society that they were living in. And to go into an oppressive society and break down those moors in front of them in a funny way. You can't do that today the same way because everything's already been exploited and been challenged and the lines have all been crossed. But the line was so much richer back then oh yeah to go into that territory uh and and fuck with it was powerful did you ever see that movie yesterday about the beatles it's not really about the beatles it is about beatles music but it's about a guy who wakes up in a world where no one knows oh yeah yeah that was great yeah i love that so he sings these songs and everybody's

like, this is incredible. What's this from? He's like, you never heard this song? And then he realized nobody knows. I think he was in a car accident or something. Is that? What happened to him? I forget what happened to him. Something happened where... Freak bus accident. Yeah. So something happened.

This is the premise. And there's only a few people that have heard of the Beatles for some reason and these people know what he's Doing and they think he's like paying homage to this band that doesn't exist anymore Like well good on you for bringing the Beatles music and he's like oh shit, you know So a few people know but most people think he's just a fucking genius Imagine if you could go back to 1964 and do stand-up. How you would crush.

Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God, how you would crush. Right. And you wouldn't even have to steal someone else's material like this guy did in the Beatles movie. Yeah. If you could go back with your own act in 1964, you would be the godfather.

Right. 100%. Yeah. 1964, you would be the godfather. Right. 100%. If you could do the Greg Fitzsimmons of 2021 material or 2022 material in 1965,

you would be the greatest of all time. People would have tattoos of you on their back. There would be posters of you in every fucking comedy club. Yeah. You know those Lenny Bruce things? Whitney just gave me a photograph, a framed photo of Lenny Bruce getting arrested.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, and it's like that is what they would give it about you. Yeah. 100%. Right. You would have to slow down. You'd have to give them a break. They'd be laughing so hard.

They'd probably have hemorrhages. Yeah. They wouldn't know what to do. It would be like putting Tom Brady in the NFL in 1950 when those guys had bellies still smoked. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's a different world. Yeah. Different world.

Right. But it's like that world has to exist because that's the foundation. And then everything gets built from it. You know, Pryor came from Bruce. He took what Lenny Bruce was doing and he made it funnier he was better and his stuff still works today there's a lot of his material that's still very funny today but even then when you're dealing with you know 1970 in 1975 1980 versus 2022 it's a different world man yeah like watch Eddie Murphy Raw. It's like, wow, this is like a fucking

time machine to a different mode of thinking. And even Eddie Murphy, like, watches that and cringes. He says he would never do that material now. It's kind of crazy. It was very homophobic. Oh my god. Yeah. But in a funny way,

like, it wasn't in a mean way, like, it wasn't homophobic in a hateful way. It was just homophobic oh my god yeah yeah but in a funny way like it wasn't in a mean way like it wasn't homophobic in a hateful way it was just homophobic and like like your joke you did last night about how like you missed the f word you know because it was fun it was just it's how you said happy birthday to your friend yeah there's a way to say a thing where you're talking about a subject and you're not being mean you're just talking about a subject and then there's a way to do it where you're talking about a subject but you are you're using that subject and you're you're disparaging it you're shitting on it for laughs right and whether that subject is a an ethnic group a racial group a sexual orientation whatever

it is if it's just women you, or if it's just men. I mean, remember there was like a series of women that would just shit on men. You know, like that was their thing. It's like, men think this. And I was always like, imagine if a guy went on stage and said all those things about women. Yeah. People would hate you. Right.

They would hate you so much. But the idea was like, men have had their time in the sun it's time to girls take it back and the way to do it is a shit on men uh-huh you know yeah yeah well what about we were talking last night about regina what's her name on the on the oscars regina king she did a bit where she said we need to do testing the uh the covid committee said that we have to randomly test some people. And so she calls up all the hunky guys on stage and she starts frisking them in a way that you go like digging her hand into their assholes. It was crazy. And all anybody could think was like, could I bring Nicole Kidman up on stage and start patting her down in front of millions of people for a laugh. Oh, my God.

I didn't see that. Can I see that? Can I see her say that and do that? And then she even made a joke about I can bring Will Smith up because Jada gave me a pass. Yeah. I want to see her do this. Nobody slapped her over that. That's wild. I don't even know who Regina King this. Nobody slapped her over that. That's wild.

I don't even know who Regina King is. She's a great actress. What has she been? I think that movie about the women that were working for NASA. Is that her? What was that movie? I didn't see that movie. I miss 9 out of 10 movies.

Really? Yeah. Do you get the screeners? No. I just don't. I didn't see that movie I miss 9 out of 10 movies Really? Yeah Do you get the screeners? No I just don't I hardly watch movies anymore Yeah Let me see this here

Your test is fine It says that you're married Negative Negative Regina also called out Wilson Did you miss it? Where she's groping him? Yeah

What's at the beginning of that video? It's just longer of her calling them all on stage. I was trying to find the actual video, but the video isn't going to be on. Oh, they go to a still. When she starts groping them, they go to a still in this. I was going to try to find a video. Look where her hand is. I think it's gone.

There it goes. That's done. Sorry. I got to do That's not good. Sorry. I got to do a COVID pat down. Jesus. A COVID pat down? It's rough. You know what I mean?

I just got to get on down here. Make sure you're okay. Wow. Yeah, let me get on in there. Keep feeling good, everybody. Get on over here. How weird. Oh, boy.

Wow. So Jason Momoa is backing his ass up to her, and she's rubbing all over his body, and everybody's laughing. You're safe. No, no, it's real, Josh. It's real. Academy protocol. Okay, guys. Thank you, Ms. Hall.

So is this playing off the fact that men used to grope women? Is that what this is? So is this playing off the fact that men used to grope women? Is that what this is? No, it's just that she kind of played the single horny girl all night. It was kind of her persona because she's not a stand-up and the other two are. So that was kind of her bit all night. Okay.

So then she groped on them. Okay. I'm triggered. Well, it's just funny, i guess that it's not funny it's funny that someone thought it was funny yeah it's like that that was in a writer's room and everybody was like yeah let's do that right well it's like you said it's like it's their time they're empowered right yeah but no one feels like the men get victimized, which is, that's what's interesting, right? Because no one feels like the man is in danger. So because of that, it's not a bad thing.

Right. But if you had like a giant woman, like a six foot four, super athlete volleyball player or something. Or if Caitlyn Jenner did it. A giant woman, I said. And you went with like, you know, like a young, aggressive, sexually aggressive woman. Yeah.

Biological woman. And she's groping like jockeys. Right? Maybe then you'd be like, hey, this feels a little weird like he's in danger they're in danger right she could grab him by the hair and just stuff him into her pants right you know he'd ride her like a horse yeah see that would be different if you knew that she could kill him you know like if you had a giant MMA fighter, like this woman named, what the fuck's her name? Gabby Garcia. This woman named Gabby Garcia who's this roided up female MMA fighter who probably weighs 250.

No shit. Really? She's a freak. Damn. Freak of science. And she's a big woman already because I think she's like 6'2". Whoa. Damn. Freak of science. And she's a big woman already, because I think she's like 6'2". Whoa.

So there. So if that girl is with Bobby Lee in bed. Yeah. You know? You got to see her jacked. There's photos of her flexing. That's her right there. Whoa.

Is that Roids? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not that Roids? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not just Roids. All the Roids. Shit. Yeah. I mean, she's a giant woman.

And she fights over in Japan sometimes. She has these freak show fights where she'll fight, like, you know, like some fucking housekeeper or something like that. It doesn't make any sense. Like, she's fighting someone who has no chance of beating her and she beats the shit out of them. Like the women that she's fought, like some of them, they're like these tiny ladies. And she, look at this.

This is her soccer kicking this chick. Does she fight legit other fighters as well? Yeah, she fights other fighters too. But the thing is she's so big, she's never going to get anybody her size to fight. Could she win against a good, smaller fighter? Or is she cumbersome? She's lost in jiu-jitsu matches.

She lost a jiu-jitsu match recently to a woman that might weigh 100 pounds less than her. Wow. Yeah. Look at the size difference there. Right there, that image. Look at the size difference between her and the girl she fought. That's real. So they do stuff like that in Japan.

Japan likes freak shows. They like freak fights. They do like three-on-one fights and stuff? They don't do that. That's Russia. Oh, in Russia. Russia, they like to do that. Yeah, I saw a father-son team fight against another father-son team.

Yeah, they've had women fight men. They've had a bunch of wild shit happen over there. I mean, but my point is, like, if that lady was, like, feeling up a guy in a sketch, it would be a little more weird. Yeah. Right? Like, when you see that woman, Regina King,

and she's touching Jason Momoa, Jason Momoa's this giant, athletic, strong man. You know he's not in danger. Yeah. Like he can go, hey, hey, stop grabbing my cock. Let's stop. Right. He's not in trouble.

Yeah. Right. So that is why it's funny, I guess. Yeah. But it is very hypocritical. A little bit. That that's a source of humor, that she's going to get her cheap feels on Josh Brolin and Jason Momoa. Yeah.

Okay. Like if I was those guys, I'd be like, is this what we're doing? Yeah. So what am I supposed to do? I'm just supposed to pretend that this is funny? Well, that's what was tough about the sketch is that they were forced to go through with it. And you could see on their faces they weren't happy. Josh Brolin's a smart guy.

Yeah. There's no way he thinks that's funny. Yeah. He's just got to like do the thing that you're supposed to do when you're up there. Let them touch you. He, he, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. So funny.

Right. It's weird. You ever been, anybody attack you on stage? No. No, don't put that out there. The Joe Rogan challenge. Not interested in that. Dude, I got attacked a few times.

I remember you got attacked in Boston. You fought the guy off. They pulled the guy off stage, and then you went, all right, who else wants some? You salvaged the whole show by saying that. Yeah, right. Because instead of everybody being like, oh, my God, I can't believe this guy just

attacked Greg, you cracked a joke, everybody started laughing, and you rolled right back into your act. Well, I had to. Well, the show ended because the guy fucking picked me up by the neck and spun me around. He was an Israeli soldier, and he was doing some Krav Maga shit, and he got me into a

headlock, and literally spun me. Tables got knocked overlock and literally was spun you around spun me we were like tables got knocked over and you know it was at Stitches so the bouncers are all out front

smoking a joint and nobody was in the room and my friends happened to be there that night and then so they they came up on stage and they dragged the guy out

and then and then the manager comes up to him remember Harry Conforti from Stitches and he goes alright Fitzy you got five minutes left. I'm like, what?

I got to finish? And so I went back. And I think he thought it was like get back on the horse, you know? Yeah, so I went up and I said, all right, who's next? They probably got to drop the checks. They got to drop the checks. That's probably what it was, right? I think it was my first standing ovation when I went back up there.

The way you handled it, though. Okay, who's next? it was, right? I think it was my first standing ovation when I went back up there. The way you handled it, though. Okay, who's next? Who else wants some? But it got them laughing. And then I remember I'm like, that's well done. Well done. Because it's like those moments where you don't know what to do. Like Chris Rock, after he got slapped, didn't know what to do.

Yeah. And he kind of tried to blow it off and go right back into the script. But in his head, he he's like I can't believe what just happened like we were all in shock I found out about it there was a moment where he went I could yeah yeah and we're all going yeah do it do it

well you know what he would have said he would have went into her infidelity and you know the public humiliation of him being on her podcast and talking about her fucking her son's friend. Yeah. And having a relationship with him for years, like that whole thing. Right.

Oh, the whole, seeing Will Smith sit there, like whose fucking idea was that? Yeah. To do that publicly. Right. Like whose idea was that? Like that alone was like, yo. Like if I was friends with him, I'd be like, ee, ee, ee, ee. Yeah.

Talk amongst yourselves. You guys want to have a conversation about this? You want to express it? That's good. But to put this out there for the whole world to mock, and that is what they're going to do. Yeah. They're going to mock it. Right.

This is not what you want. Yeah. You don't want this. And you don't want it in this way. Yeah. Because people have broken down that video of them talking forensically. So you can see where the edits are. Like here her legs are crossed.

And then a second later her legs are down. She doesn't have enough time to uncross them. That means they did multiple takes of this. So they had very different versions. And they tried to piece it together and put it together as one conversation. Oh, really? Yeah. There's people that have done forensic analysis of the video.

Wow. Body language analysis. Uh-huh. Damn. Just get divorced. Yeah. Just keep moving. What do you think it is that keeps him with her?

Who knows? Maybe he loves her. Maybe he likes a strong woman. Maybe he likes that kind of personality. Maybe he's into that. And I don't mean like a strong woman. When I say strong woman, I don't mean like an ambitious, intelligent woman.

That's what a lot of people think of a strong woman. I mean someone who likes to be the boss. Yeah. Someone who likes to tell you what to do. The term strong woman is a pejorative to some folks. And I don't mean it in terms of like a strong, disciplined, successful, ambitious woman. I mean- Like overbearing. I mean bossy. I mean overbearing. I mean someone who enjoys telling people what to do. Someone

who's very self-centered and enjoys telling people what to do. They get off on that. They get off on that control. Yeah. We all have friends that are like that. We have friends that are couples where they, where the, and it's not just the woman, either one.

When there's a shift, when you see one person push the other one around and you see them just, just fall into that role of like that dysfunctional, um, what do you call it? A, uh, an enabler, somebody who enables their anger.

Because there's a lot of successful people in Hollywood and I'm sure whatever industry you're in out there, listeners, where the asshole wins, the person that will make everybody else uncomfortable and will keep it up. Most people will fold in the face of that and they will put up with it because they don't want to be uncomfortable anymore. Well, it depends, right?

And if you're in a situation like the Harvey Weinstein situation where everybody relies on that person. Yeah. That was the different situation there because he was the producer of these films. He was the one who gave the green light. He was the big dog. So everybody relied on him. the green light. He was the big dog. So everybody relied on him. The directors, the actors,

the Academy knew that one of those films that his company put together was going to be... Oscars. They were all incredible. Yeah. Hinchcliffe has a whole bit about it. If you go and watch all the films that he produced,

they're some of the greatest films of all time. Miramax had how many goddamn amazing films did they make? Yeah. You know? Probably more than any producers in history. Probably. In terms of Oscars. In terms of just awesome fucking movies.

Yeah. I mean, he put together so many awesome movies. Right. And the fact that he was working with Tarantino, who's, in my opinion, the greatest movie producer or the greatest director of our era. Mm-hmm. So a Tarantino film is like, when was the last time you saw a bad one?

Yeah. I know. They don't exist. Yeah. They're all awesome. They're all at least watchable. Yeah. At least.

And most of them are fucking awesome. Yeah. He's got like a stock. There's most of Tarantino's films, while you're in the middle of it, you're like, what fucking awesome. Yeah. He's got like a stock. Like there's most of Tarantino's films while you're in the middle of it. You look like, what the fuck? Yeah. There's these what the fuck moments. You are never not engaged in the movie.

Right. To me, a great movie I get lost in. When it ends, I have to shake myself out of the experience I was just in. And that's how he brings you into a world. And it's the dialogue. It's the specificity of the experience I was just in. Yeah. And that's how he brings you into a world, and it's the dialogue, it's the specificity of the dialogue, it's the energy of the music. His soundtracks are incredible.

Yeah. His casting, you know, he's found his stable of people that he believes in, and he knows how to use them. Yeah. No, it's incredible. If you really look at the body of work, from Reservoir Dogs to Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Hateful Eight.

I mean, you can go down the line. They're so good, man. Yeah. So many fucking bombs. I mean, like nuclear bombs. I don't mean like bad. I mean like just fucking smash hits. Right.

He's like the Coen brothers without Oh Brother Where Art Thou. You don't like Oh Brother Where Art Thou? I didn't like that one. I love that movie. Really? Love it. You know what? I never liked their movies the first time. I always liked the movies the first time and then I liked them better and then I loved them and then I think they're genius.

The more you watch a Coen Brothers movie the better it gets. Yeah. What is your favorite Coen Brothers movie? Oh, Raising Arizona is my favorite movie of all time. It's a great fucking movie. What about Fargo, though? Fargo is right there. It's right there.

It's such a good movie. Jesus. I mean, talk about Steve Buscemi. Like, he just, you know, so fucking great. He's another guy. Just the casting, the offbeat casting so much of great movies is about you know what happens before the before this thing is shot and who you cast yeah isn't it interesting like a guy like that it's so important for a movie like to have like an offbeat

odd looking dude that kind of like it gives you a certain flavor to him. Like if he was a good-looking guy, if he was like a James Franco-looking guy in those roles, it would not work. Right, right. You need a guy like him. Yeah. You need a sad sack. You need – A guy who looks like life has beaten him up for his entire existence.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You need odd characters. yeah yeah yeah you need you need odd characters when they get those hookers and they're in the motel room and the tv's on and they're both having sex right next to each other on twin beds it's just so so fucking dead there was just no life to it it was just yeah we were talking the other day about comedy movies, about how the genre has been killed by wokeness. Mm-hmm.

There's not a lot of good comedy movies anymore. Yeah. If you go back to Step Brothers and Superbad, you can't make those movies anymore. And that's not that long ago. Right. What about Tropic Thunder? Tropic Thunder. You can't make that movie anymore. And that's not that long ago. Right. What about Tropic Thunder? Tropic Thunder. You can't make that movie anymore.

Couldn't make that movie. No chance. Yeah. If you tried to make that movie verbatim today, they would fucking show up with pitchforks. But Borat's doing it. Sacha Baron Cohen is still making movies that are out there. He's found a way to do it as parody. Yeah.

Yeah. And to trick people. He's found a way to do it as parody. Yeah. Yeah. And to trick people. He's found a way to do it. Like what he did with the Borat movie. Yeah. Holy fucking shit. Crazy. When the girl's dancing and she has her period.

Like, oh my God. And those poor girls, the debutantes. This is their biggest day of their life. Yeah. They've been groomed for this for generations. This is their coming out. The only thing I didn't like about that movie was how they tried to portray what was going on with Rudy Giuliani. Like Rudy Giuliani or hate Rudy Giuliani, he was 100% not masturbating.

He was tucking his shirt into his pants like an old man uh-huh laying back tucking his and the guy runs in you know don't have sex with her she's too young or she's not old enough have sex with me or whatever he said i don't know i think you give that 30 more seconds his pants were unbuckled i think so yeah i i think he think he was into it. He was not fighting. Because did you see the one with, who is the politician that he trapped in the room and he was coming on to in the previous movie? He was running for president. Ron Paul? Yeah.

Was it Ron Paul? Was it? I can't remember who it was. He had someone in there. But he came on to somebody and they said, get me out of here, and he stopped it. Rudy was not stopping it. Yeah, but it wasn't him. It was Rudy Giuliani with a girl who was talking to him and he was signing a release. Yeah.

You remember all that? No. He was, he, yeah, there was something going on where they had to sign something and he was taking his microphone off. He had to take his microphone off. He's just in an interview. So here it is.

So he pats her. Yes. Puts his hands on her. She's talking, she's touching him and taking his microphone off. Uh-huh. And then he pats her. And so he sits down and he tucks his pants back in. Put down your crumb. She's 15.

She's too old for you. She's my daughter. Yeah. Push that. Show that again. Laying back on the bed is a very submissive thing to do in that situation. I mean, his understanding is that this is an underage girl, isn't it? I don't know what his understanding is.

Is that what it was? She was 15? Is that supposedly? I don't know how old they said she was. You can give me your phone number and your address. Yeah, the tap is a little weird, but he's an old dude. Old dudes tap people like that.

So she's taking off his thing. And he lays back. And he's tucking his pants back in. Yeah. But he's not touching his dick, is he? It's a little weird. A little weirder than I remember. His hand stays in there a little longer than normal.

Because if I'm going to tuck my pants, I'm going to go like this. Yeah. That's it. And then we sit back up. I also know, as a married guy, if I'm alone in a room with a girl that age, and she's touching me or whatever, it's time to stand up, take myself out of a dangerous situation. Well, first of all, if she's 15, you should never be alone with a 15-year-old in a bedroom

in a hotel somewhere. Just to have to answer the question, were you alone in a bedroom with a 15-year-old girl? Well, there was an interview and she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't, yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, the cheating starts about two steps before that.

But with a 15-year-old, that's dark. Right. But back in his day, that was, like, what age was the age of consent when Rudy Giuliani was 30? 16. 15. Probably, 30? 16. 15. Probably, right? 15. So let's imagine.

How old is he now? You say he's 80? Probably. Probably 80? Yeah. So we got to go back 50 years. So let's go back to 1970-ish. Like what was the age of consent in 1970?

Well, there was also the sexual revolution was happening, which I think lowered the age a little bit. Really? I think lowered the age a little bit. It made things a little bit. I think it made things more. I mean, look at, you know, Roman Polanski and, you know, everything was depicting. I mean, look at Woody Allen. Wasn't that illegal though when Roman Polanski did it? Woody Allen in that year was making the, what was the movie he made with Manhattan?

No, that's the age of legal drinking and stuff. To marry without parental consent. In 1970, the age of majority was lowered from 21 years old to 18 years old. But I think that's just to get married. The age of consent is different. That's parental consent for marriage. No, but it's not 21, Jamie. It was never 21.

It's always been 18. To say that it's lowered, making it legal for males and females 18 years old to marry without parental consent, that's just marry. It's definitely never been 21 to have sex. No chance. It's the same thing. What does it say? Consent for marriage. But that's considered sexual intercourse in law.

Yeah, but it's not. Look, it says it was about 12 years old for females and about 14 years old for males. That's in the 12th century. How? When they first made age of consent. Today's age of consent for sexual intercourse is between 14 years old and 18 years old in Western countries. I'm pretty sure that they even made that because you would just marry someone so you could do that. Yeah.

Right, but I don't think it was ever 21. What that's saying is that it was 21. I can't imagine that there was ever an age of sexual consent that was 21 in America. That doesn't make sense. No, that seems... People were marrying so much younger than that. Right. Like, so what is the age of sexual consent?

Just Google, what was the age of sexual consent in 1970? I'm looking right now. I'm looking at the... That's 100% what I Googled, was age of consent 1970, and that's where it came up. I think the way they were interpreting it, it's interesting that they were interpreting it as marriage.

Yeah. Maybe this is how they thought back then. Like, if you were having sex, you're going to get married. Yeah. Which is so terrifying. Yeah. I got like a 1920. There was age of consent.

26 states had age of consent at 16. 21 states had age of consent of 18. One state, Georgia, had age of consent at 16. 21 states had age of consent of 18. One state, Georgia, had age of consent of 14. Georgia! That was 19, 20, so 100 years ago. Didn't Elvis, when he married his wife, wasn't she like 14 when he hooked up with her? I think when they met, she was like 14.

And then they dated. And then I'm not sure how well, I think she was like 17 when they got married. But they dated, and she went overseas when sure how old. I think she was like 17 when they got married, but they dated, and she went overseas when he was in the Army. Yeah, visited him. You know the crazy one is Jerry Lee Lewis. His cousin, right?

It was his cousin, and she was 13. Yes! Yeah, like you find that, Jerry Lee Lewis with his cousin, with his 13-year-old cousin. I typed in, I added a few more words words and it was still words at the same way. Age of consent intercourse in the U S in 1976 and 1929, the age of consent for marriage, sexual intercourse was raised to 16 years old for both females and males.

So it used to be younger than 16. So in 1970, the age majority was lowered from, Oh, see the age of majority, though, is a different thing. I think that is the marriage thing. So you could get married at 18. It used to be 21 for marriage, which is pretty wise, really. Like, it should probably be like 21. For marriage? Yeah.

I mean, like, you don't have to fucking do it. Yeah, I don't know it. You barely know what the fuck you're doing at 21. Yeah. Your frontal lobe's not fully formed until you're 25, right? See if you can find a photo of Jerry Lee Lewis with his 13-year-old bride. 13-year-old cousin. Yeah.

Damn. He married her, right? Didn't he? That's what I heard, yeah. And he was a star. Yeah. Which was crazy because you see him with what looks like a little kid. That's it.

Look at that. That looks like a little kid. Yeah. His 13-year-old bride. Wow. I mean, that is fucking wild. Imagine being that poor little girl. All of a sudden you're hanging out with Jerry Lee Lewis.

She doesn't look unhappy. She's smiling in every picture. Well, back then the attitudes were probably very different about whether or not that should be allowed. Do you think that's her down there? You think they stayed together all those years? Is that possible? That looks like her. Wow.

It does look like her. Wow. It worked. He was right. Damn. It does look like her. Wow. It worked. He was right. Damn. So much for your theory. Well, I don't know about that. The Troubling History of Jerry Lee Lewis is the title of that article.

Is that the same woman? That can't be the same woman. I bet he's got a type. Just keeps getting a new one. Oh, no. Rock pioneer. His seventh wife. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Wow. He no. Rock Pioneer. His seventh wife. Yeah.

Oh, Jesus Christ. He renews his vows with his seventh wife. Wow. Is that recent? Is he alive? Click on that. He renews his vows with his seventh wife. 2021.

Wow. That is wild. Imagine the checks he cuts every month to six other women. They're probably all dead. One of them died. One of them died in suspicious ways. Oh, really? Yeah. One of them was one of them. She drowned. Like one of those deals. Wow. Yeah. Find that.

Yeah. One of them was, I remember people, they used to call him the killer. That was like his nickname. Oh, right. But I don't think it was because of that. But then. His fourth wife. His fourth wife.

Too much loving drives a man insane. Yeah. Who knows what happened. Wow. I mean, that, also, you're married to Jerry Lee Lewis, you might be doing pills. Yeah. You know, and you might fall in the pool. Mm-hmm.

Like, who fucking knows? Right. I don't know. Yeah, I think it's like when you have those seven kids and one dies. If you have seven wives, one of them's going to die. You're Jerry Lee Lewis. Seven's a big number, man. Shit.

Yeah. I met a dude the other day who's my age. He has three ex-wives. He's currently married. He's got three ex-wives. I was like, bro. Wow. And he still believes in the institution.

He's a sucker. Wow. He's a sucker. a sucker wow he's a sucker does he have money did he have money uh he's not bad he's not doing bad he's not i wouldn't want to be in his position and and have three different women to pay alimony to i don't know how that works though maybe they found new guys and maybe they you know because when a woman gets remarried generally speaking you don't have to pay her anymore you have to pay child support but the alimony supposedly ends as soon as a woman gets married the way i know this is because i have a buddy i've talked about him many times because it's one of the craziest stories that it drives me crazy um because he got divorced they didn't have any children they were married for i believe they were married for 12 years they've been divorced for more time than they were ever

married he still pays her alimony they never had any children she lives in his old amazing house in the palisades this is fucking spectacular house this gorgeous view she lives in that house with her boyfriend and she has to pretend the boyfriend doesn't live there so every time someone goes to inspect the boyfriend literally has to get a fucking u-haul throw all his shit in it and drive down the street because they know when the inspection is going to come the inspection comes they look around nope no guy lives here and then as soon as they leave he comes back unloads his shit back in the house, and he'll never marry her. Because if he marries her, the gravy train stops. So your buddy, he's paying for the whole? Hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. He's been doing it for 12 years. Yeah. No, excuse me, for 14 years. He's been divorced for 14 years. This is 14 years a couple of years ago, so I might be off by a couple of years. But it's a long time yeah to be paying you know essentially he's paid millions in alimony to a woman who's completely capable of working he didn't like fuck her so hard she can't work anymore yeah

she's like a normal person like there's nothing wrong with her right she's 100 capable like the relationship ran its course and it's over but because they were legally entangled in a marriage, he's obligated to help her maintain her lifestyle in perpetuity. So for the rest of her fucking life, until she gets married again, he has to pay her alimony. Yeah. Which is wild. Yeah. And it works both ways. Which is wild.

And it works both ways. We got a friend who's a woman who's a very successful corporate something where she makes, you know, a million dollars a year. And then she's got a husband who's a lawyer and he stopped working. And before they got divorced, he was out of work. They got divorced. She pays this motherfucker tens of thousands of dollars every month. And he tortures her and he refuses to work. it's like why would he work exactly if he starts working it just gets taken out of the money she'd be giving him california i think might be the worst place to get divorced that is wild

that they do it that way yeah it's a it's it's this is one area where i'm sexist. I really am. Because I kind of get it from a girl's point of view. Because it makes more sense. Because women have had children. And women raise the children. And traditionally, one of the things that goes along with alimony is the fact this woman is taking care of your kids. Yeah. And child support.

That all makes sense. And the fact that they didn't pursue a career. Yes. Sure. They had to take time off. They supported you. But a man who won't work and just leeches off of a successful, strong woman who's got a very lucrative career, that guy's useless. He just plays video games all day.

No. And then he gives her a hard time about the kids. And like he moved out of state and he's, it's, it's, it's ugly. It's like. Who has the kids? I think one of them's in college now. She had the kids and I don't think he was doing a lot of parenting, but he was still getting money to parent. Yeah.

So she's taking care of her children and she's paying Alma. Yes. I'm a sexist. Yeah. In that regard, I'm a sexist. That guy, if I was a judge and I can make the rules, I'd be like, you need to get your bitch ass out and get a fucking job, dude. Right.

If you've got a law degree and a resume and you're not working that's on you that's just a scam yeah a guy doing that an able-bodied man like there's no it's not like you she did something to him where he sued her and made a lot of money right she did something horrible and he won in civil court yeah no they just used to fuck yeah she doesn't want to fuck him anymore so she has to give him tens of thousands of dollars every month. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, I'm so glad as I'm as I know you are to have met a woman that I know I will never divorce that I'll never I have friends that have gone through it and it it's crippling. Take three years of your life and just say, okay, I'm going to be miserable because I'm going to be dealing with lawyers and betrayal. That's the thing about my friend. It was worse because he had to hire her lawyer. He had to pay for her lawyer. Oh yeah. My friend did too. But it gets worse. So she knew that she was going to divorce him. So she went to all the best lawyers in town. Because once you visit with them, they can't represent the other guy.

Exactly. So she planned this out for a long period of time. She did it over a course of months. Wow. Yeah. Shit. He fucked with the wrong lady. Damn.

Yeah. It must be so amazing because we've all had breakups and you start to see a side of a person that when you were with them you didn't see before. And in marriage it's that times 10. Vengeance. Yeah. This woman, she got my buddy.

Hard. Yeah. And still, I mean, she's fucking sitting up getting her toes done right now, eating bonbons, raking in the money. Doesn't have to do anything. Never has to have a career. Never has to work. Never has to worry. Lives in a beautiful house.

No effort. Shit. Nothing. Doesn't even like the guy. Doesn't even have to be nice to him. A person who you're not even nice to gives you hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Because you fucked.

Because you did it in a different decade. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. I mean, it's like, what's interesting is like the gold digging, the idea of a gold digger. It's an incredibly financially lucrative endeavor. Like if you're a woman and say if you could find some really crinkly old dude and trick him into thinking you really love him,

how much time has he got left? What if you got some billionaire character who runs some fucking oil business and he's worked, you know, like J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith. Yeah, right. That kind of situation. Yeah, yeah. That guy's worth a fuckload of money and all you have to do is hang out with him for a very

short amount of time and you get that money. Yep. If you're going to run a business, think about there's a lot of businesses that people run where they don't enjoy it at all. They're in finance or they're in insurance sales or something. They don't enjoy the business. They're doing the business because it's successful. It's a lucrative endeavor. They figure out how to maximize their profits and how to make the best deals. And you get together and strategize on how to conquer the segment of the marketplace

and all that stuff, but you're trying to make money. That's all you're doing. You're not creating art. You're not enhancing people's existence. Gold digging. If you're a hot woman who's kind of aimless but you're manipulative, there should be classes where classic gold diggers can tell you, this is how I roped him in.

This is how I met him. I had to play hard to get. I did this. I became friends with his wife. And that was my way in. And I knew eventually I'd be alone with him. There's stories like that where you're like, wow, this is wild how this woman slowly connived her way

into this old rich guy's life and then tricked this dude into thinking that she loved him yeah because if you like some fucking 80 year old man and some really hot 40 year old is like I've always loved older men it's just like I don't care I mean for me it's just like older men it's just like there's so much more experience. There's so much more knowledge. I love your spirit. Yes.

I mean, you're just so wise. Yeah. My husband doesn't have sex with me anymore. They start saying shit like that. Yeah. And meanwhile, you got kids that are just sitting on their asses waiting for the inheritance, and you're like, fuck them. Oh, my God.

Yeah, that shit. That is like one of the things that women do when they want to put out that smell. When they put that scent out for a guy, they complain about how their boyfriend doesn't have sex with him anymore. It is the number one move. I was talking to a friend of mine about it once, and it happened later that night.

Literally happened later that night. He had a friend, and his friend came by with her friend and she was talking to him about how her boyfriend never has sex with her yeah and i was like she wants you to fuck her i go this is what she's literally saying my friend was successful and she's literally putting this thing out there she's literally saying my boyfriend doesn't have sex anymore that's like there's an opening there's an opening I'm not happy. Yeah. You're trying to move now. It's like, here, I'm moving the pawn here. Yep.

Oh, look, it's right in the line of your rook. Hmm. Let's see if you do that. Yeah. All right. Yeah. It's nature. I need to be fertilized.

Nature. I'm not being fertilized. Not just that. It's like, she just bet on the wrong horse. Yeah. She's got this guy who's not fucking her, or she's bored with him, or they fight too much, or he's rude, or horse. Yeah. She's got this guy who's not fucking her or she's bored with him or they fight too much or he's rude or whatever.

Yeah. But that's what they say. Like, you know, maybe it's me. I mean, is there something wrong with me? Yeah. He never wants to have sex with me.

Like, I mean, 15, 20 minutes into the conversation this came up, I was like, this is fucking hilarious because we were just talking about it.

Dude, you know who it happened to? Who? Alexander Hamilton. Really? He was approached by this woman and she seduced him and she started having an affair with him. She was married at the time. When he was president?

No, no. Hamilton was never president. Who's Alexander Hamilton? Hamilton was one of the founders of the Constitution. He was never president? No. He should have been president. Everybody thinks he was president of the founders of the Constitution. He was never president? No. He should have been president. Everybody thinks he was president.

I thought he was president. He wasn't president, was he, Jamie? How many presidents do you think you can name? 20? 20 tops. Maybe. Yeah. There's been 46.

I can maybe name 20. 46? Yeah. Trump was 45. Yeah. How far back can you go? Trump? Me? Obama? I can go back to Gerald Ford, Nixon, Kennedy, Eisenhower.

Roosevelt? I'm lost there. I'm lost. When you get to me, 1940s, I'm lost. Yeah, I think Roosevelt is as far back as I can go. Yeah. And then there's those ones from like the 1800s, like, who. Yeah, I think Roosevelt is as far back as I can go. Yeah. And then there's those ones from like the 1800s, like, who's that guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there was- So Hamilton was never president.

So he was, I don't think he was ever president, but he was, and I think the reason why is this woman had an affair with him and then fucking shook him down. And the husband was in on it. And he was a guy, I mean, Hamilton, I don't know if he, I read the on it and he was a guy i mean hamilton uh i don't know if he i read the book and uh he was you know the guy started out as a fucking grew up poor in the caribbean and made his way into law school through like patronage of people that were impressed by his intelligence and he was a hustler and then he was a soldier. Great fucking soldier. Fought the British

and then he was Washington's like, he was Washington's, what Jamie is to you, he was to George Washington. Like a producer of his podcast? Yeah. It only had one download because it was the fucking internet back then.

Yeah, they wrote it with a feather. Wow. So a woman busted a move and she did it with a feather. Wow. So a woman busted a move and she did it with her husband? Yeah. He was aware of it

and she kept shaking him down and the couple shook him down together. They shook him down because they were going to show that he was having an affair?

Yeah. Wow. Maria Reynolds. Maria Reynolds. There's no photos of her. Is there a sketch? There could be a painting. Let's see. What year is this? Like 1700s? Sure, yeah. I mean. There's no photos of her. Is there a sketch? There could be a painting.

Let's see. What year is this? Like 1700s? Sure, yeah. I mean, it's George Washington time. Yeah, early 1800s. Man, that's wild. Yeah.

But that's a story as old as time. Yeah. Is the conniving woman who is very attractive, who cons an unattractive rich man into marrying her, and then she divorces him and makes exorbitant amount of money. Wow, she looks like a skanker. That was what she looked like?

I don't know. Is that a real photo? She also knew that he was a womanizer. I think she's the actress that plays that character in the play. Oh. She knew he was vulnerable because he was a womanizer. Oh, there's a play about it. Oh, yeah, the...

Oh, Hamilton. Oh, that's what Hamilton's about. Oh, Hamilton. Oh, that's what Hamilton's about. Oh, duh. Yeah. That's what that's about? Yeah. I thought it was a rap. It is.

It is? So they made a rap... It was a rap musical. A hip-hop musical about a president who got seduced? I don't know if he was... I don't think he was ever president. Oh, I mean, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Hip-hop about a politician who got seduced. A founding father. Yeah. Alexander Hamilton, late Secretary of Treasury, is fully refuted. Thank God. Written by himself. Oh, so he wrote charge of speculation. Which was a big thing.

The question was whether or not he should have written that. Whether or not by admitting to it and addressing it, he would ruin his career. And it turns out it was a mistake. He ruined his career. So he admitted that she and he had an affair, he would ruin his career. And it turns out it was a mistake. He ruined his career. So he admitted that she and he had an affair, and that ruined his career? Yeah. Here it goes. The Reynolds Affair.

A daughter named Susan, born August 18th. Oh, is that his? Did he have a kid with this girl? I don't think so. 1790, James Reynolds moved his family from New York to Philadelphia. Summer of 1791, Maria visited hamilton who was staying there she asked for help saying her abusive husband had abandoned there you go he's not fucking me yeah he's not fucking me hamilton organized a meeting for later that evening to give mary the money code for i just want my nut that's what it says that's why i like how like

everything else is like in this list is like so proper to the bottom line code for i just want my nut that's hilarious that's very funny wow that's interesting that's what they say my husband's so mean to me he doesn't have sex with me and he's mean to me oh that's terrible yeah you know i don't get along with my wife so well either i mean it's just like it's so funny how like people like us probably should have been together but we never will be doesn't seem fair that we shouldn't be happy does it be. Let's have coffee someday. Next thing you know, Jed's a millionaire. Boink. It's just so easy to extract money from a vulnerable man if you're a beautiful woman and you are, you know, a fucking sociopath.

If you're good at it, like, guys are vulnerable. Like, a dorky dude. There's, like, some guys. Like, imagine a guy. Okay. I'm not saying Bill like imagine a guy okay i'm not saying bill gates is a sucker i'm sure he's very smart he's too smart for this but if he was a guy like bill gates he's a kind of a nerdy dude who's worth a fuck ton of money and some bombshell comes along and starts hanging out with him and brushing her tits against his arm when she's reaching for a pen. You know, like the standard moves.

Becomes buddy-buddy with him. Let's just go on a vacation together as friends. We're friends. Just slowly. Yeah. The payoff is so giant. Right. The payoff. If you could become Mrs. Gates, oh, good Lord.

Because even if you get a prenup, it's probably pretty fucking generous. Yeah. Right? What's a million to this guy? Plus, if you prove he cheated during the marriage, I think you can get rid of the prenup. I think he cheated on, didn't he cheat on Melinda all those years? He had a long-term affair, like a previous girlfriend that he never really broke up with. There was a thing they had, like an agreement, where he'd have one weekend a year with her. Oh, right, right with there was a thing they had like an agreement where you'd have one weekend

Oh, right, right. Yeah, I think they actually had an agreement, huh? But whatever I'm not interested in their life, but I'm interested in people getting robbed Yeah, it's just it did that. I think it's fascinating. Yeah that the the fact that Like women are so much more desirable than men are in that regard like it's so much easier to con a man into marrying you even though he potentially could lose exorbitant amounts of money i feel like women are less vulnerable in that way like a woman with a broke guy who wants to marry her she's gonna be super skeptical she's like really really rich i think it goes both ways i think it takes a personality that is like you said like

you don't think you deserve you don't think you deserve good dick or good pussy and all of a sudden it comes to you but it's way more common with the woman doing it to the man well men more likely have the money yeah yeah but it's also as a scam it's more common way more common to have like a hot young woman connive and trick some old man into marrying her rich old man and she won't have to worry right yeah that Yeah. That's a fucking eagle song. She's heading for the cheating side of town. That's the eagle song. Wikipedia article about this. It says that at that time period, the common practice was for the men who,

or the wrong husband to seek a duel as retribution. Oh. But they didn't do that because he was of a lower social status and realized he could get blackmail money extortion. Oh, so he got the blackmail money instead of the duel. Yeah. Yeah, well, he probably didn't want the duel because he just wanted the money because he let his wife fuck the guy.

Because they got $1,300 at the end of the... $1,300? Yeah. That's how much he had to pay out? Yeah. Wow. I don't know. It doesn't seem like a lot. That's a weekend you had to pay out? Yeah. Wow. I don't know. It doesn't seem like a lot.

That's a weekend at the Treehouse in Danbury, Connecticut. And you're not getting bonuses. No bonuses. And we're going to take a taste of the merch. Just let me wet my beak on those CDs. Do they give you a taste of the merch? Do you have to give a taste of the merch to a club ever? Casinos do that.

Oh, do they really? Yeah, if you sell merch at a casino, they'll take like 20%. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Do you do casinos often? Once in a while. I'm doing one in Massachusetts next month. Oh, yeah? What are you doing? Plainville or something. Plainville, Massachusetts. No kidding.

Yeah, I got a bunch of... I'm hitting the road hard right now. Yeah? The next five weeks, I'm gone. Nice. I'm hitting the road hard right now. Yeah? The next like five weeks I'm gone. Nice. I was – Every weekend, one of those deals? Pretty much every weekend for like six weekends. Nice.

Coming up. Yeah, nice. It was – I went out from December till February. It was light. I mean, you don't have to worry about it. I'm sure you sell that wherever you go. But I was finding, like, people were, like, the Abercrombie and Finch virus came out, and people were, like, hanging back a little bit.

And now they're finally starting to come back. Like, last month, people started coming out again. Well, the whole world's economy has to kind of, like, fall back into place. Yeah. And for so many people, the hit was huge. Yeah. So many people lost business. Right. So many people lost all their income. So many people, the hit was huge. So many people lost business. So many people lost all their income.

So many people. And then what's fascinating to me is my friends who run restaurants are telling me how hard it is to find workers. I don't get the math on this. Where did all the workers go and how are they affording to live? Yeah. I mean, I get while unemployment was running around, there was an issue because one of my friends said that he had this guy who was a bartender that used to work for him, and he wanted to hire him back again,

but the guy said, I could only work 20 hours a week. Right. He goes, why? He goes, because that way I get unemployment. So because of the free money from the government, this guy was willing to, he said, I'm not going to give up this free money from the government this guy was willing to he said i'm not going to give up this free money yeah which is crazy because he could have made more money in an honest way by actually working all the time right he's like nah i'll just take that free money yeah it runs out and

part of it is like people are exploring different lifestyles now i think the i think that the pandemic made people stop and go like, oh, what do I really want to do with my life? And now they're coming out of it and they're saying, do I want to be exploited by a shitty job or do I want to, you know, get some unemployment and fucking sketch for another month or two? Yeah. I think that's the best aspect of the pandemic was the fact that it made people sort of recalibrate what's important in their life, what to do with their time. It made people think like, you know, someone who maybe wanted to pursue some sort of artistic endeavor and they got to do it, you know, and get it going during the pandemic.

And then when it's over, they just say, let's go for it. Let's try to make it this way. Right, right. I mean, that's a good thing if you could do that. I mean, so many go for it. Yeah. Try to make it right. Right. I mean, that's some that's a good thing. If you could do that. I mean, so many people played it safe in their life and got these jobs that paid the bills, but they lived in misery. Yeah. And they always wanted to do this other thing. Yeah.

Whatever that other thing was. So if that happened with some folks, that's probably the best thing that happened from the pandemic. Some folks, that's probably the best thing that happened from the pandemic. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see if like, you know, it was like after the depression, you know, this economy got really strong for a while. Roaring 20s. Yeah. And now it's going to be like you're going to see new business because there's lower overhead. People aren't expected to take office space like they used to.

There's a lot of ways you can communicate, telecommunicate, rather than have to fly to a place for a conference. And so small businesses are going to be able to launch new ideas. Actually, the Roaring Twenties were after the pandemic of the Spanish flu. Right, right, right. When did the recession start? It was after the Roaring Twenties, right? Wasn't it?

The Depression started like 1930, I guess. Was it? Right around 1930. Yeah. So that was when people were talking about the Roaring Twenties of 2020, that that was going to be a response to the pandemic, that being locked down for two years is going to make people seek as much freedom as possible post-2020, which is kind of true with some

people. Some people are, like we were saying, like pursuing jobs that they maybe didn't think they could pursue before or some sort of an artistic path of life, which, you know. And I think streamlining their lives and realizing they don't need to eat out three nights a week and they don't need to take a trip to Disneyland. And instead they start to do things that are cheaper and simpler and they don't need as much income. Yeah. And also, you know, the working from home thing changed a lot of people too. Because there's been many people that have said they're more productive, they're happier, and it's easier to work from home.

All you really need is an internet connection and a computer. You know, how often do you need to physically be in an office for your job? What jobs require you to be physically in your office? Well, there is something to be said for the water cooler talk, that there is like ideas, pollinate, cross-pollinate in an office where you're working on a project, he's working on a project, you realize that there's something symbiotic that can happen between you. And so I think that physical brushing up against each other, depending on the company, is useful. But if you're doing pure sales, you may be able to just do that from home without having to waste two hours a day commuting. and then the amount of meetings that get called just because people fucking call meetings because they can

and they waste your time, and you're not doing those. Yeah, there's a lot of people that are pushing back against coming back to the office, and they're angry about it, you know? Yeah. And it's funny because you weren't angry about it two years ago. It was normal. But now the idea of going back to the old ways pisses you off because you don't want

to commute. You don't want to be stuck in traffic and waste all that time. But I see both points. I see that there could be probably some jobs where you benefit from being there physically. But I could also see where if you're a disciplined person and you're productive at home, the problem is like how many guys are beaten off in front of their fucking camera during zoom right how many guys got busted how many guys from the new yorker yeah tubing tubing how many was new york times no new yorker how many people like there was a lot of guys got caught doing that though yeah wasn't just that guy yeah there's a lot of guys got caught

jerking off it's like how many guys just jerk off all the day when they're at home? You know, it begs the question, like, what is productivity? Like, how are you measuring productivity? You know, how much discipline do you think people really have when you just leave them at home with their computer? Like, I remember Louie said something about the way he writes, that he writes on a computer that's not connected to the internet because he doesn't want to be distracted. Yeah, that's smart. It is smart. Yeah.

No, they have programs now for your computer that do that for you, writing programs that keep you off the internet. What's it called? There's a few of them. I can't remember what it's called, but a lot of professional writers use them. Makes sense because it's so easy to just go, oh, let's check Twitter real quick. Yeah. Oh, let's see what the news is.

Maybe I'll find some interesting story in the news. You never do. I have this app. It's called Pomodoro Technique. Have you ever heard of that? No. You do 20 minutes. It's very simple.

It's a timer on your phone, and after 20 minutes or 25 minutes, you can set it. It goes off, and then you have five minutes to check your emails, to do Wordle, whatever the fuck you want to do for five minutes. And then you start the next 20 minute period. I swear to God, I have ADD and it fucking works for me, man. I get so much shit done when I do the Pomodoro technique. Because if you just sit down in front of a computer and just try to write, you get distracted. I react. You know, a text pops up and your agent says, I need a fucking headshot for whatever,

because it's the 1970s that I live in. But, like, you know, shit comes up. You got to change your travel, whatever. And I find that in that 10-minute period, that are the 5 or 10 minutes that I take off, I get so much done. Yeah. I just, I write.

Well, you write late at night, right? Yeah, I write when everyone's asleep. I do get a lot of degenerates that text me, though. Like Kurt Metzger, he's one of those guys who texts you at four o'clock in the morning. Yeah, like comics will text you at any time. So I put my phone on silent, you know, so that I do not disturb.

And then I, most of the time I've been writing on a Windows computer, so texts don't pop up. Oh really? So it's like iMessages don't pop up. Huh. Yeah. Yeah, I do it for a bunch of reasons, but mostly I do it for the keyboard.

I have a ThinkPad, and the keyboard's just so much better than anything that Apple makes really oh my god the difference is so huge yeah it's so huge in the ease of typing and uh accuracy like how much more accurate I am with like a MacBook they have those flat keys and the ThinkPad the keys have like a little C shape to them so your fingers fit in them. You know which key you're always on. Yeah. And there's travel. The keys have travel to them.

Like the travels, the distance, the keyboard travel is gigantic. You mean spaces between the keys? Mm-mm. The amount of space it takes to press a key down. Oh, okay. The shorter the travel, keyboard travel, the less accurate you'll be. Okay. down okay the shorter the travel keyboard travel the less accurate you'll be okay the more keyboard travel it is the more your finger knows it's registering you're pressing it and then you get

into a rhythm of where everything is and and it's effortless typing is so much better yeah i've been typing on a thinkpad for like five or six years for that very reason. I've had ThinkPads because their keyboards are just the best. There's fucking no comparison. Unless you use an external keyboard. You can buy an external keyboard, like a mechanical keyboard. There's a lot of great external keyboards where they have a lot of key travel. So if you buy one of those ergonomic things, there's a lot of key travel in those. There's a distance.

The standard distance, I think with the new MacBooks, it's probably like, I'm going to guess, like one millimeter, 1.2 millimeters. With the ThinkPad, you can get 1.82 millimeters. That seems like no big deal, but it's a giant deal. It's a giant deal it's a giant deal i can see that i can remember shit how old i am typewriters man where you really had to fucking depress that thing and there was a there was a motion with your fingers it was a very conscious striking yep and i can see like uh i know there's probably old newspaper guys that still write on

typewriter you think so well you know andy rooney was still writing on a typewriter until the end. Probably. He's just complaining. Yeah. That's all we're all doing, right? Yeah. But do you take the ThinkPad on the road with you? Yes.

Yeah. Or I'll take a MacBook. I have an old MacBook from 2015. Yeah. They had better keyboards back then. Right. 2015 still wasn't as good as the ThinkPad, but far superior to my modern MacBook. I have a modern MacBook, and it's just like flat.

There's no feel to it. Yeah. I want to have fucking... Also, I have an X1 Carbon. It's super light. It weighs nothing. It's fucking waterproof. You could spill water on it, and it's fucking waterproof you could spill water on it and it's mil spec so you could drop it off a fucking countertop it doesn't break no they made

they think pads are fucking durable as shit yeah it's the like you get trapped into the mac ecosystem which i most certainly am with some stuff you know like eye photos and all that kind of jazz and there's there's benefits to that, but there's also a lot of benefits to not being on that nipple. And the big one is that you have access to different hardware. Like, all your hardware, if you have an Apple, essentially is controlled by Apple, except external stuff like USB keyboards and things along those lines, wireless keyboards, Bluetooth keyboards.

But for the most part, most people probably just use the keyboard. If you buy an iMac, use the keyboard that comes with it, that little bullshit white keyboard, the clickety-clackety-clickety. That's terrible. The experience of typing on those is not good. You want a fucking keyboard where your hands sit there and you press keys and then you get into that rhythm and it just – you can think and type and it just comes out so much smoother.

They've done studies that show that people that have like more keyboard travel and they've like tested their amount of errors and how many words they can type per minute, and it's higher. It's higher when you have more travel. Yeah, there's something that should be a visceral experience. Some people still write on, you know, like Seinfeld famously still writes on yellow legal pads. And there's something about the speed that you can write maybe help. You think more.

Yeah, you think maybe a little bit more deliberately and a little more slowly. And so the words you're putting down might be a better version of the joke than if you were typing really fast. I could see that. Yeah, maybe. Sometimes I write stuff out by hand and I do feel like, you all see the alternative comics. They've always got a fucking moleskin notebook with their new jokes in it.

And I think, yeah, but what if you want to edit that? Like for me, I'm constantly taking, you know, I'll have a set list and then I'll take a chunk from that and I'll move it in. And then by the end'm constantly taking, you know, I'll have a set list and then I'll take a chunk from that and I'll move it in. And then by the end of the month, it's a nightmare because I've got five different documents that have similar material in it. And I don't know which is the most recent version of the bit. So I still, after all these years, don't have an exact process that gets me to that one hour where I've got the one hour of material in one document that's all up to date. One of the things that I was using that I haven't used one hour where I've got the one hour of material in one document that's all up to date.

One of the things that I was using that I haven't used lately, but I was using it when I was preparing for my last special, and maybe even the special before that, was Scrivener. What's that? You know what that is? No. Scrivener is a word processing software that allows you to put things you put things in these little side column like these categories of topics so they use it a lot of guys

use it for book writing and it also does this too it has like us just like notepads yeah it has this feature which is you have these index cards that you can put up on a cork board like that, which is kind of interesting. But besides that, there's also this option to have these separate Word files. So what I would do is I would write something on Microsoft Word, and then I would copy and paste it into Scrivener. Because Scrivener, like there's benefits to Microsoft Word that I really like. One of them is focus mode, which I used to use Rightroom for. Do you know what Rightroom is?

No. Rightroom is a software for Mac when I used to write exclusively on Macs. And it's cool because it allows you to have a black screen where you don't have access to your email or anything. Nothing's there. It's just this until you exit out of the program. And you get a black screen with green text. That's what it looks like. And I like that. I used to like to write on that. But then Microsoft Word realized that they were probably losing out

on people doing that instead of using Word, so they came up with focus mode. So focus mode is you just press that, and all you see is the screen goes black and all you see is white text on a black screen, which I like. Yeah. I like writing like that because it just, to me, it just, it works better. Or, you know, black screen, white screen and black ink. I don't remember which way I use it, but how

do I use it? I think I use a black screen with white ink. You could obviously switch it up. You can do whatever you want in terms of the color of the screen. But then I would copy and paste that, and then I would put that into Scrivener. And so I'd have like, here's a subject like chewing gum. That'd be a subject. I put that and it's in a column and I can click on it and then I can move that column down or up so with my opening bit is here and then I would do this but I said oh but I've been doing this bit about kangaroos instead of the gum bits I'll swap them and so I could move them so anytime I would open up Scrivener I would have my set list on the left-hand

column and each individual bit I'd have written out, which helps me a lot because when I used to just have, like, bullet points, but sometimes I'd forget tags. So it would help me just to memorize stuff. I'd write out the whole bit. Word for word. Yeah, as much as I can. Really? Yeah, and then I have a separate notebook, notebook where I write in,

and that's for memory. So when I would do shows, I would write things down in my separate, yes, and I'd write most of it down. Most of like the important parts of the joke I'd write down. Then I move to index cards. So when I do like an arena, I have index cards in my green room. So I'll get there an hour plus before the show and I sit down with a Sharpie and index cards and I write out all my bits that I'm going to do. Like bullet points at that point. Bullet points and some bits that are new that I'm not sure exactly how they go, I write it all out.

Are you looking at it on stage or that's just the process of writing it etches in your memory? It etches it into my memory. I don't look at anything when I'm on stage. But that process really does work. There's something about physically writing something, pen to paper. Absolutely. Yep. Right? It does something weird.

Yep. Definitely. It's amazing because I see guys like Attell who's always got new shit. And Chris Rock. I saw Chris Rock put his last one hour together coming into the comedy store. Never had a piece of paper.

I saw him with a piece of paper the other day. Oh, you did? A whole notebook. Chris Rock went his last one hour together coming into the comedy store. Never had a piece of paper. I saw him with a piece of paper the other day. Oh, you did? A whole notebook. Chris Rock went on stage. I saw him the day before the Oscars murdering. Yeah. Murdering. He was killing.

Killing. Killing. Old school Chris Rock. It was like, because he's had some sets in the store where he's working stuff out, where he's not killing. He's trying to find the beats and he doesn't care if he doesn't go well he's confident enough that he's chris rock he could just kind of fuck around but god damn was he killing killing yeah he went up i was on stage one night and then

you know at the uh or they'll hand you a piece of paper sometimes because there's a guest that wasn't on the schedule and i opened it up, and it was, what's his name? The short comic black guy. Kevin Hart? Kevin Hart. Jesus Christ. How dare you? Let me say two.

So he comes up, and he fucking kills. He does great. And then he goes, and now Chris Rock. And I was like, oh, this is going to be tough to follow. He made Kevin Hart look like an open miker. Really? He destroyed right after that. Wow.

Yeah. Was it recent? Yeah, this was just a few weeks ago. Yeah, he's on fire right now. Chris is hot. Yeah, and his tickets are selling. Now they're selling like fucking hotcakes. Isn't it weird that a scandal like that does something to ticket sales?

Yeah. It's also like people want to hear his take on it. But he's been telling people, like, hey, if you came here to hear me talk about that, I'm not talking about that. Which is interesting because he's going to talk about it eventually, I'm sure. I bet you he's, you know, Chris is famous for having writers. He has guys that help him out. And I know those guys are all sitting at their fucking keyboards right now. Well, the real question is how hard you want to go.

Well, it's also a moving target because you see how people have felt about Will Smith. It's been a week and a half and now you've seen people are more upset with him now than they were. So jokes that he would write right now might not match the mood in a week. Do you think people are more upset with Will Smith now? It feels like it. I feel like for two days after the Oscars, it was kind of like people don't have their own opinions. They wait to hear other opinions in the media, and then they pick one. And they hadn't heard other opinions yet.

And the new ones that came out were mostly anti-Will Smith. Ah, that's interesting. That's an interesting perspective because I saw a lot of hot takes after the Oscars where I was like, it is amazing to me how many dummies think that Will Smith was justified. Yeah. For assaulting a guy for the most mild joke ever. Yeah. It was amazing to me. You don't talk shit about a man's wife.

Like, well, good, because he didn't. Yeah. He definitely didn't. He said, G.I. Jane 2, can't wait. That's it? If that's your borderline for assault, we live in a barbaric society. If that's where you draw the line, because now we're going to have chaos in the street. And I was talking about it on stage.

I was like, there's a difference between someone saying that at a party. Like if someone said, oh, so some guy comes up to me and he says to my wife, G.I. Jane 2, can't wait. I'm like, okay, how did he say it? Like how did he say it? Maybe the guy was hilarious. Maybe he was like this happy-go-lucky, like life-of-the-party guy. He goes, hey, G.I. Jane 2, can't wait.

And everyone's laughing. Or maybe he's like, hey, G.I. Jane 2, can't wait. Like, fuck that guy. That guy needs to get smacked. Right? How is he saying it? And if you watch how Chris says it, big giant smile on his face. Jada, love you. He says, I love you. And then he says

that. I love you. Here's he says that. I love you. Yeah. Here's a mild joke about a powerful woman. And, you know, that's his job. He's supposed to... Look at what Ricky Gervais has said about people at the Golden Globes. I mean, he has gone hard. He's a savage. And, you know, Chris Rock went up and he serviced

the front row. That's part of your job as the host of the Oscars. You used to be Jack Nicholson. You would always talk to. would always talk to, and then that's what Will Smith is Hollywood royalty. You got to say something. But that royalty doesn't seem the same because of the internet, because of the exposing of the way they think and behave. Like here's a good example. Like Alec Baldwin shooting that woman on set, and then there's video of him talking about it openly, like days later on the side of a highway. Like they had a camera in his face, like it's a terrible tragedy,

and he's out there. He's not even talking to like fucking regular reporters it's people with phones and he's he's giving his take on these things like i mean maybe it was reporters but it's like it's very unofficial the way everything's it's not a press conference it's not and then he'll go do a podcast and talk about it you know his wife has a podcast and everybody's just talking it's like all of the mystery of like what a movie star is is gone yeah when you hear their goofy takes on things like um when people have like these hot takes on politics and you know you listen to an actor talking you're saying man shut the fuck up don't do this man like you're gonna ruin your

career you're an idiot. The way you're talking about politics is terrible. Just go play the Hulk. Be the Hulk. Be the guy who turns into the Hulk. Don't be this fucking guy who's chiming in on every aspect of what the Senate is

fucking weighing in on. Stop. You're not good enough at this. That requires a lot of education a lot of understanding a deep knowledge a deep pool of knowledge about how this whole system works and an exposure to people outside of the world you live in right and it takes and that's why comedians i think often do have the voice of the country more than most people because we are going from town to town and interacting with people from different economic sectors

and regional diversities. So for me, it feels like if you're an actor who's sitting in a mansion and you're on set, you know what it's like to be on set. Everyone's getting your cappuccino for you. Everybody's telling you what a great job you're doing. People don't continue working in films because they're great artists. They like having their ass kissed all fucking day.

It's a great feeling. Me and Stanhope just did this movie and it was a super low budget movie. We were not treated like kings. But asses were kissed and it felt fucking great. And I said I want to do more of this. I want to be the center of attention in front of a bunch of people that are their job is to make you feel good i mean

that's what how and then you're going to have an opinion about you know the economy but the thing is it's intoxicating and you think that you deserve that opinion yeah you you are an important person you do need to weigh in like can remember they interviewed sharon stone and she was weighing in on an earthquake in china and she said that maybe it's karma because the way they treat my friend the dalai lama no yes yes that's amazing yes she's like i'm friends with the dalai lama and maybe it's karma and the way they treat tibet like that's one of the Dalai Lama and maybe it's karma and the way they treat Tibet like that's one of the dumbest things a person's ever said like maybe an earthquake which killed who knows how many thousands of people who are subjects to this fucking communist regime totalitarian regime stone earthquake in China was karma for Tibet yeah Sharon Stone facing a ban

on the showing of her films in China after suggesting that the recent earthquake that killed up to 67,000 people Damn. may have been the result of bad karma over the country's occupation of Tibet. Now look, if the fucking head of the CCP, if an asteroid hit him in the fucking head,

like maybe that's karma. Yeah. Like maybe. While he's writing something down to impose new sanctions on Tibet. Yeah.

But the fact that someone who's a grown adult would actually say that while being interviewed, like maybe it's karma. I'm friends with the Dalai Lama. The senator that pushed through that don't say gay thing

in Florida, his house was taken out by a tornado or something. And then afterwards, there was a photo taken and there was a rainbow. There was a rainbow over where his house used to be. That's hilarious. It's hilarious that gay people own the rainbow that used to be owned by leprechauns. I know. It's fucking funny, man.

I used to have a whole bit about it because of the Duck Dynasty guy. The Duck Dynasty guy was coming after gay people and he was saying, I don't get it. I don't get it. I'm like, I don't understand it. And I was like, well, there's a lot of things I don't understand. Like, I don't understand yellow cars. Like, I don't fucking go freaking out about it.

And I was like, he better be nice to gay people. And the joke was that or you know look what they did with the rainbow like they fucking own the rainbow i go they could do that to camo because he's a duck dynasty guy i go if they did all gay porns from now on in a duck blind like all all gay porns start out with two dudes duck hunting one guy goes on something about duck hunting make me horny and then this white dude in handcuffs drops down to his knees and starts sucking this guy's dick and they just everything's in camo how many of those would they have to do before people associated camo with gay before they owned it they would just take over camo guys would shoot less animals

because they wouldn't wear camo they would start striking out more and hunt. Because gay folks own the fucking rainbow. As you're coming, you put one of those duck whistles in your mouth. As you're nutting. The fucking, the rainbow's a weird one, right? Because it's like, it used to be leprechauns, pot of gold. How did it become gay?

Like how did that thing that happens after it rains and the sun comes out, how did that get associated with gay folks? Well, maybe it's that we're all in a spectrum, that the whole spectrum comes together and we have unity. I'd like to know the actual answer. I wonder what the actual answer is. Like how did gay people become associated with rainbows? Let's find that out.

Jamie's getting a workout today. Bullshit. L-B-G-T-I-A-Q plus. What's the plus for? I think you pay extra for that. It's like five bucks extra a month. I heard some guy talking about L-GT, whatever, whatever, whatever. Yeah, I saw that.

And he added a plus onto it. Dude, there's another letter in there now, too. I, right? I think, is that inquisitive? Open for business. I'll fuck anybody. I, as in I'll fuck anybody. That's pansexual.

They call that P. I heard this woman saying she has two children and one of them is pansexual. I'm like, how do you know? How old are your kids? Pan is you can be attracted to a man or a woman. She's talking about her queer children. And she looks like she's in her 40s. I'm like, how old are your kids?

How old is this kid that you're saying is pansexual? Because if you're talking about an eight-year-old, I'm a little upset with you. What are you saying? Yeah. You're saying my kids are pansexual? See, my 20-year-old kid is pansexual? I go, okay, your kid's a freak. Yeah.

You know, like, that's a weird one, right? Because that just seems like what you like, as opposed to, like, there's gay people that are just, that's their sexual orientation, They're attracted to gay people. Or what you're curious about. Yeah. But when you're not, you're saying you're not even bi, you're pan. You just need a lot of attention.

Oh, here it is. Harvey Milk had something to do with it. They had a pink triangle was the big symbol before that. Oh, that's right. Also used by the Nazis. What? The Nazis used a pink triangle to identify and stigmatize men affirmed as homosexuality.

Oh, wow. Wow. I did not know that. So gay guys in concentration camps, they used that. Wow. That's wild. I didn't know that. And then it picked up after he was assassinated. When Harvey Milk was assassinated

in 78, it says the demand for the rainbow flag greatly increased. And it started selling. So it was Harvey Milk that sort of started it going. Well, it says up there this guy Baker said he chose the motif because of its association with the hippie movement of the 60s. But that the use of the design dates all the way back to ancient Egypt.

The use of the rainbow design for gay people? Oh, Judy Garland singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Oh, and they love Judy Garland. They love Judy Garland. They love Judy Garland. Somewhere. Remember once a year, Letterman would bring that singer in to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow? Really?

And he would cry. Really? Or he would get on the edge of tears. Yeah, once a year, he brought the same guy in for fucking 20 years, and he just sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

And he would get on the edge of tears? I wonder why. I don't know. Reminded him of something in his childhood. Mandy Patinkin. Is that who sang it? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Mandy Patinkin's an odd duck, right? He is. Because then he was on that Homeland show. Yeah, he was good on that. Where he played the CIA guy. Yeah. It was great. Yeah.

It was great. Here, give me some more highway to be found leading from your window pane to a place behind the sun okay i'm good you see i'm list i'm missing the gene that enjoys The Grateful Dead and musicals. Yeah. That gene just, I don't have that. Yeah. It's like cilantro to some people.

It tastes like soap. Right, right. Me, it tastes good. Yep. So nothing? You hear the dead? You don't feel groovy? I just go, what is happening here?

Yeah, yeah. What is happening here? Uh-huh. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I don't get it. Yeah. It just doesn't do it for me. All right. I get people love it, but there's a lot of shit people love that I just don't get it. Yeah. It just doesn't do it for me. All right.

I get people love it, but there's a lot of shit people love that I just don't understand. Yeah, I get like that with a lot of hip hop to me. I just don't connect to. There's some I think is great. Mumble rap doesn't do it for me. No. I don't understand that. But I love like lyrical hip hop.

Yes. I like like I'm for whatever reason, I'm a 1990s hip hop fan. If I listen to Wu-Tang Clan, I get it. That's right. I get it. Yeah, Gravel Pit. Listen to some old stuff. I like stuff where I go, oh, I love how he put that line together.

It's clever. It's fun. Right. Yeah. But The Dead, I grew up with the dead we went to a lot of shows when I was a kid and took a lot of mushrooms and I we just went to Halloween we went to the Hollywood Bowl and went to a show and took mushrooms like it was like 15 of us I had a blast what they say that the dead is only

understood when you do acid for some people, which maybe that's my problem. Because there are songs that I like. There's a thing called Icaros. Icaros are these South American songs that they play when you're doing DMT. Oh, really? Yeah. When you're taking ayahuasca or you're smoking DMT, they play these songs. And when you listen to these songs, these hallucinogens, they sync up with the music.

So the visions that you have sync up with the music. And you'll watch these entities dance to the beat of the music, completely in tune with it. They synchronize together. It's really wild. dance to the beat of the music, like completely in tune with it. They synchronize together. It's really wild. Wow. And if you just heard the songs, like I've got some on my phone,

if you just heard the Icaros without that, you would not be impressed. You'd be like, well... It's like watching a 3D movie without the glasses on. Yeah, here it is. So these are the songs they play play when you're in the jungle. And it's kicking in. So this is this guy. And one of the things they do is they blow tobacco in your face too.

And they've got these rattles and and i've listened to these this has got don robert i've listened to these while on dmt and it's very wild because like the entities i mean it's whatever happening, whatever that hallucination actually is, is up to debate. We really don't know what that is, but it seems like these things are alive and they are moving to the beat of this sound. And it seems like they're not just like willingly, they're joyfully moving to the beat of the sound like they work together like it in it enhances the experience in a way that there's no like i've listened to music when you're high on pot it sounds better like like if you listen to comfortably numb well you've had a a couple of hits of a joint you're like wow yeah hello is there anybody in there?

There'll be no more. You might feel a little sick. And it's like you get trapped in the music. It's like it enhances it. You go with it. This is different. This is like whatever those hallucinations are when you're on DMT. They belong with that music. The music, they don't deviate from the music.

They stay in the music and it's spectacular. It's really wild to have that with the song. It seems like whoever constructed those songs knows this. That's what's wild about the Icaros because they're very specific in the kind of way they do it. Is it ancient, the music? That's a good question. I mean, the practice is ancient.

The shamanistic practice of the ayahuasca ceremony is ancient. But like a lot of these ancient things, it gets tainted by modernity because different people give their own interpretations of it and different people have their own ways of doing it. They don't even know how people even figured out how to make it. The history of ayahuasca use is thousands of years old and they don't have any idea how these people figured this out. Because it's a complicated pharmacological sort of a situation. You're taking one plant that makes dimethyltryptamine,

and then you're taking another plant and combining it with it. And this plant has an MAO inhibitor, which is monoamine oxidase. So monoamine oxidase is something that's produced by your gut. And when you orally take DMT, the monoamine oxidase, it destroys the effect of DMT. And the thought behind that is there's a lot of things that people eat that have naturally occurring dimethyltryptamine in it. There's a lot of grasses and a lot of different plants. DMT is very common. It exists in thousands of plants and animals. And so if you were just eating these things, you'd be tripping balls all the time. This is the thought behind it, in that your gut produces monoamine oxidase.

So when you take an MAO inhibitor and you mix it with dimethyltryptamine, then you have orally active DMT, which generally speaking doesn't exist other than that. When you get DMT from a smokable form, then it goes straight to your blood. And then the effect is almost instantaneous. When you smoke DMT, 15, 20 seconds later, you're in the center of the universe. For how long?

About 15 minutes, I would say. Like fully tripping balls for about 15 minutes. And then the next five, you're like trying to figure out what the fuck just happened but sometimes you go right back in sometimes you grab the pipe and go right back in oh you do i've done that i've gone back in three and four times so then you're dealing with an experience that takes you know hour and a half but that's unusual most people just do it once well you do it and you're so blown away by what the fuck you just happened a lot of times people just want to stop and think about it But I've done it a lot

So for me when I've done it And I come out I'm like I'd like to go back in there again and hang out I was just starting to figure some things out with these fellas And can you pick up where you left off When you go back in No you have no control You have no idea what it even is

And whatever it is it's different a second later do you write shit down you like journal while you're done no it's too complicated it's too complicated to it takes the other thing about it is it slips through your fingers so quickly it is like a dream you know how you wake up from a dream and you're like oh my god it was you and me and mike and we were flying around on a giant seagull. And the giant seagull took us over the ocean, and Mike was like, oh, I see a skateboard. It's free. I'm going to jump off and get it. And you're like, no, that's too far to the ocean. I was trying to talk him into not jumping off the... You ask that same person like five minutes later, what was that

dream again? He'd be like, fuck, how did it go? Something something about dreams when you wake up? They're very vivid and specific but within five ten minutes that very vivid specific memory goes away It's almost like the brain is trying to protect you. But do you think those are metaphors that your brain is trying to show you? In a dream? Yeah, who knows I Mean I think it depends I think sometimes I've had dreams before where I was talking to dead friends. And I was always wondering. Like, I had a dream once where I was having a long conversation with Phil Hartman. And it was after he was murdered.

And then Phil Hartman was explaining to me that he and his wife worked it out. And that, you know, like, oh, you know, he was, like, laughing about it in the way, like, Phil Hartman was. Oh, she gets a little upset, you know. She's a little volatile, like joking around. And he sat down on like a lawn chair. I'll never forget this. He sat on like those little lawn chairs, foldable lawn chairs. He sat down and he was like in the grass a little funny.

So as he sat down, he leaned to one side and he fell over. And as he fell over, he hit the grass and then he was gone and then i realized it was a dream and then i woke up i'm like what is that trying to tell me maybe he was trying to tell me i miss my friend he was trying to tell me he fell i mean i don't know what it's trying to tell me because he then he was gone it was me recognizing that this is just, I have this wish to talk to him again that I'll never be able to talk to him because he was murdered during our break. So you film and then you have three months off

and then you go back and film for another season. So during the break is when he was murdered. I never got a chance to see him. And when he died, it's just like I know he died. Everybody told me he died. We all got together and cried. We all talked about it. We were all blown away by it.

But I didn't see him. So it's like all of a sudden he's gone. So there's like this missing thing in my head, like this missing connection, this missing. So maybe that's why I had that dream. I don't know why you have dreams, but they do know that the psychedelic chemicals that you release while you're in heavy REM sleep, they think are very closely related to the same psychedelic chemicals you have when you trip. So it puts you into a dream, physically into a dream state. It's very similar.

Yeah. Because your brain is producing psychedelic chemicals during heavy REM sleep they just don't know like exactly how much or it's complicated because in order to find out that like there was always like anecdotal evidence that the pineal gland produced DMT they know that the pineal gland now they know it produces DMT but there was guesswork before they knew that it's produced in the human. They know it produces DMT, but there was guesswork before. They knew that it was produced in the human body. They know it's produced by the liver and they know it's produced by the lungs, but they didn't know if it was produced by the pineal gland until the Cottonwood

Research Foundation, which is a foundation that's run by these folks in, I think it's in New Mexico. folks in, I think it's in New Mexico. And Rick Strassman, who's the guy who wrote DMT, the spirit molecule, he's a scholar who was the first guy to get FDA approval to do dimethyltryptamine studies with people. And so he did these studies with people. And that's like one of the things that they were working on. How long ago was that? Not that long ago. It was in the last 20 years or so. I think the book probably came out 2002.

I got a study in 2018. I think it's talking about something from 2011. Oh, 2011 was when they found out that DMT was produced by the pineal gland for sure. So this Cottonwood Research Foundation, which Strassman works with, they did these studies with rats. And rats are allowed to cut their heads open and fucking just stick probes in them while they're alive. And they found out that rats' pineal glands actually do produce DMT.

So they've proven it, at least in these mammals. And they also know that- So it exists in nature, in different grasses and seeds and whatever, but then it also is produced. The same chemical is also produced by different organs in your body. It's produced by the organ that is literally the third eye. Your pineal gland, in some reptiles, it actually has a retina and a lens. No shit. Yes. Really? really yeah it is an eyeball it's like that whole thing of the eastern mysticism is and is it located yes in between your

forehead right back there let's go there and also like you know the eye of horus from the egyptian hieroglyphs see that it looks like the pineal gland. Like look at where the eye of Horus is, or the eye of Ra, excuse me. The eye of Horus was the different god. The eye of Ra, if you look at that and look at the cross-section of the human brain in relation to the pineal gland, where the eyeball is in the eye of Ra is exactly what the pineal gland looks like in a cross-section of the human brain. So this third eye that everybody always equates with enlightenment, right? And you look at Buddhas, they have third eyes. Like that Buddha right there has a third eye, that little Buddha on my counter. This is literally the area where your brain produces this psychedelic chemical, DMT.

That's amazing. It's wild shit. Damn. Yeah. So if they can figure out how to extract that from your brain, they can use it. I mean, it seems like there would be therapeutic uses for this, for DMT to open people up to. Sure. It seems like your brain is almost triggering you to feel certain emotions.

Like if you had feelings about Phil Hartman that were unresolved, that it is basically activating parts of your brain that will let you emotionally deal with that when you're ready. When you're ready to. Certainly could be. Certainly could be. And then there's also like traps of thinking that I'm sure get exposed by these psychedelic chemicals like nightmares. These are traps. Pitfalls of thinking. Things you're thinking about that are like fucking with you that your brain explores while you're under the influence of whatever these dream chemicals are.

Because dreams are very confusing to people. We don't exactly know what the reason for them is, you know, but we do know that your brain produces these chemicals. And they also think that your brain probably produces these chemicals when it thinks your body's dying. And they think that's responsible for near-death experiences. Seeing the light and all that. Yeah. And the hallucinations that come with it. Like, I went to heaven, I talked to God to god like you might just be tripping balls you know and also tripping balls might actually be a chemical doorway to another dimension like the idea of this realm that we have our physical bodies in being the only thing that ever exists well if you talk to those string theorists those

people that understand quantum theory and that like debate whether or not there's 11 dimensions or 12 dimensions, like they think there's many more dimensions outside of the ones that we have senses to detect. And that might be what you encounter when you're encountering these incredibly potent psychedelic drugs. But the fact that the most incredibly potent and most hallucinogenic psychedelic drugs are closely related to normal human neurochemistry is really wild. Yeah, that is pretty cool.

DMT is the most potent psychedelic drug known to man, and it's closely related to human neurochemistry. In fact, your brain produces the actual drug that makes you trip balls. The actual drug. I think your brain even produces 5-methoxy DMT. I think your brain produces... See if that's true.

I think your brain, which is even more potent, 5-methoxy, which is 5-MeO DMT, is even more potent than a regular DMT in terms of the impact per gram of the stuff. Wow. Yeah. I had a dream once.

I have dreams. I have very vivid dreams. And I woke up one morning, like woke up from the dream. And the dream was that I was in like a bay near an ocean. And then a giant wave came up and it picked me up and it carried me and it threw me and i woke up in the middle of it and i was like shaking and my wife woke up and i said i just had this fucking i told her the crazy dream went on the internet and that was when that crazy tsunami had hit in thailand is that fucking weird that is is weird. You believe this?

You think I could have broken through? It could be coincidence. You always have to say that. Or it could be you sense something. Like maybe there is some sort of a connection when so many people die. It's a tragedy. And it's like a ripple a ripple yeah there's this guy uh rupert sheldrake and he had this uh this concept um it's called morphic resonance and the concept is based on the idea that all beings share some kind of an accessible database.

And what he used as proof of this, and it's not really even proof, it's very theoretical, but one thing that they showed was that rats, make sure this is true too, I'll give you a chance, get to the DMT thing first, but rats, when they would show them a maze on the East Coast, the rats in the West Coast would be- Oh, I remember hearing this. Yeah.

Yeah. They would be able to solve the maze quicker. Morphic resonance? Morphic resonance. And this idea was that there's some unseen connection that all these beings, and whether it's cross species i don't know but he was he was definitely saying within a particular species is what he was trying to describe it as but the theory extends further than that the theory sort of extends to the idea that there's all these thoughts and consciousness and then when people are developing similar inventions

or developing similar inventions completely unrelated to each other, that it's not as simple as two people solving the same puzzle because they have the same tools and the same idea because they're a human being. It might not be that simple. It might be more that there's so many people working on a thing that it kind of permeates the collective human consciousness and different people pick up that baton and run with it and they might be both doing it at the same time but oftentimes when a great breakthrough experiment is taking place there were other people working on the exact same experiment somewhere else and they don't know if this is, again, purely by coincidence and chance and that this is something that is needed and that all these sort of technologies, they build up with each other and they feed off of each other. And then it kind of like naturally

progresses to the cell phone, naturally progresses to Wi-Fi, whatever it is. But it might not be it. It might be that as well. It might be that plus we all share some sort of a cosmic database and that we all share some sort of connection and consciousness that we are not fully aware of and we can't measure it. So we're not sure if it's real. So like an internet, like exactly like the internet, except it's just something that we're all wired into and unaware of, except on a subconscious level. And maybe it's not just, it's also developing, right? If you think of eyesight, eyesight exists on almost every mammal, right? And eyesight had to have come out of a need for a thing, but it wasn't instant.

It wasn't like a single-celled organism all of a sudden had eyesight. Single-celled organism became multi-celled organism and eyesight slowly evolved, right? And our eyesight is eerily similar to the eyesight that exists in like squids, octopus, you know, cephalopods, like weird fucking creatures in the ocean. They have a different way of utilizing light and image,

but it's kind of similar. So what is happening? How is that happening? Like what is that? Like this thing takes time. There must have been a very primitive version of eyesight, and then it became what we have now, where you can read and you can detect things in the distance and you can pick out different flowers.

You can focus. We go to see things. Like the visual experience of going to the movies is a spectacular element of being entertained. Like all the look around. That's why we love beauty. We love art. We love to see things, right?

That had to have evolved, and it evolved in a way that connects to our emotions. I mean, this artwork, you see it. It brings you to tears. Like some of this shit I saw in the Vatican, I mean, it changed my physical state to look at these incredible paintings and know that like in 1100 AD somebody made this. Yeah. And here it is in this pedophile's basement in some fucking church that gets to skirt international law and harbor fugitives because that's what it is. But that very strange thing that we have, the sense of being able to see things, the sense of sight, that evolved. Maybe we're evolving a sense of how we each other think. Maybe telepathy is an evolving sense and you're getting it in these like weird little hints and whispers. Like when you think about someone and then they call you, everybody wants to say that's

a coincidence. But man, I've thought about people like they just pop into my head and i haven't thought about them in forever and then i open up my email and bam there's an email from the dude and it'll give me goosebumps yeah like what is this woman that just died and she lived in some eastern european country and she'd been blinded as a child and she had this sense and she predicted 9-11 she She predicted like a ton of shit. Really? She was like this little poor woman in this little town in Eastern Europe.

And she was blind. She was blind as a child. Yeah. I wonder if telepathy is something that's slowly evolving in the human animal. I could see that. It totally makes sense that it could. There's certain nonverbal communication that we all share.

Here it is. Everything Baba Venga, the blind Bulgarian mystic, predicted for 2022. Oh, great. What else did she predict? Okay. She claimed the 44th president, who turned out to be Barack Obama, would be black. Wow. However, she also said that he or she would be the last president, which again did not happen.

Okay. Okay. In 1989, she claimed the American brethren will fall after being attacked by steel birds. Whoa. And the innocent blood will be gushing. Some believe this is a reference to September 11th. Eh. Vladimir Putin will win the 2018 election, she predicted.

In 1979, during a meeting with writer Valentin Sidorov, Vanga said, all will thaw as if ice, only one remained untouched. Vladimir's glory, glory of Russia. remained untouched. Vladimir's glory, glory of Russia. World War III, shortly before her death, the elderly woman said, Russia will not only survive, it will dominate the world. Oh, great. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I don't want to hear that. That scares the fuck out of me because I had Mike Baker on, who was a former CIA operative, and I always say former in air quotes.

Yeah, right. Because he always tells me things. Keep dragging me back in. Yeah, he definitely knows what number to call. I'll say that. Yeah, right. It's like, am I a former Comedy Store comic? I still go back there and work sometimes. She's got a good one that we missed out on coming this year.

Oh, damn it. Was it the invasion of Earth by aliens with the arrival of an asteroid? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Coming this year. Virtual reality takeover, which is kind of accurate. Virtual reality takeover for the coming year. That's meta, right?

Mm-hmm. Water shortages. Water shortages. Eh, but it's not. It's a desalination shortage. You could fucking just shit a little water. It's three-quarters of goddamn Earth. The idea that water shortage is, no, it's a desalination shortage. You could fucking shit a little water. It's three-quarters of the goddamn earth. The idea that water shortage is, no, it's a shortage of innovation, you fucks.

The water's right there. Don't say there's a shortage of water. There's a water right there. Don't they have a salinization machine in San Diego now that's really effective? Yeah, they can do it. I don't know if it works at scale, like for 300 million people, if you can, but they can eventually, you're telling me they can ship video through the sky and it lands on someone's phone in New Zealand instantaneously and you can't pull that fucking

salt out of the water? Yeah. Can it be done? Can salt come out of water? Yes, it can, right? Yeah. Get the fucking salt out of the water. We'll never have a water crisis again.

Yeah. I'm with you. Fuck out of here with that. That drives me crazy. What were we talking about? Oh, the Russian thing. So Mike Baker was saying that they have hypersonic nukes, and so does China. We don't have those.

Yeah. And hypersonic nukes- That's one of the ones they set off last week, right? Yes. They sent one to Ukraine. Yeah. He said the speed is one thing, but it's also the ability to change direction. So if you see a torpedo or a missile, rather, and it's launched from Russia and it's headed

towards Chicago, they can time when it's going to hit Chicago or a conventional nuke. But they take turns in the air. You thought it was going to Chicago? Psych! We're going to Phoenix. Boom. And it happens in seconds. They go seven times faster than the speed of sound.

And when they explode, isn't there something like it sucks the air out of your body? They have those. They have those too. They have those where they can detonate them over a city and it sucks all the air out of the city for like five minutes, so everybody suffocates to death. Yeah. Shit. Bro.

We don't have those either, do we? I don't know if we have those. Who knows what the fuck we have? I think we have UFOs. How would we know what they have and they don't? They'll let us know. No, I know. They'll try to scare us.

I mean it in the other way. Clearly we would probably have something better that we're just not going to tell people about. Yeah. I'm just kidding. I'm going to let it out there because then they would try to top it. It's like rock, paper, scissors. Or clearly, we wouldn't have an old, decrepit man with Alzheimer's as the president. Right?

An old liar. A guy who's like there's fucking hours of footage of him lying about everything, lying about his education background, lying about things he's done or said. Yeah, that's our president. We're not good. This is not like, we're like when Leonard Skinner, when everybody died and they reformed the band, it's not the same band. Yeah. Yeah. We got too much emphasis on the president in this country. We need to spread that power out a little bit more. Did you see that video of Biden with Obama?

And Obama is at this party, and Obama is saying hi to everybody and shaking hands and actively ignoring Biden. Biden is in his ear. Barack! Barack! Trying to talk to him. Puts his hand on his shoulders. Obama ignores it and reaches forward to another person to shake hands with him. 100% sliding Obama.

No shit. 100% sliding Biden. Yeah, I think they had a period where they weren't really talking. Because Biden would famously say stupid shit that he wasn't supposed to say. And then, yeah, there was a couple times I think Obama was not talking to him. He's a moron. He said famously that, you know, leave it to Joe,

he'll find a way to fuck things up. That was a quote. You got this? This is a 13 second video. You can tell what's going on in it. This is one where he's just wandering around. The one below it is the one. That's me at every party.

This is the one. So watch this. Go full screen. And give me some volume. Oh, there's no volume there? Okay, there it goes. So look, he's like, look, he's trying to get his attention. Look at this.

And Obama's like shaking people's hands and talking to people and then he puts his hand on his shoulder. Ignore him. Ignore him. Look. Actively ignores him and reaches to another person to talk to him. Or talk to her rather. Yeah. That is a guy getting slighted.

In any world. If you and I were at a party and you put your hand on my shoulder, I would turn around immediately and go, what's up? I wouldn't fucking ignore you and reach to another person to shake their hand.

If you're touching my shoulder... He was icing them. He was icing them. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. 100%. They're all fucking grossed out.

Like, you've got this guy who's the president. You took a chance. You made him the president. And he's got all these grossed out. Like, you've got this guy who's the president. You took a chance. You made him the president. And he's got all these gaffes. He says all this crazy shit. You know, we can't allow him to stay in power. Are you saying you're going to remove Putin from power?

What are you saying? We're going to be with the troops in Russia. You're sending troops to Russia? The fuck are you saying? Did he say that? He said something about our troops will be with the Ukrainians. We'll be with them. And people are like, wait a minute, what are you saying? Did he say that? He said something about our troops will be with the Ukrainians, will be with them. And people are like, well, what are you saying?

Are you saying that we're going to send troops to Ukraine? Like, what are you saying? There's been a lot of confusion. The White House has had to walk back several states. Pull up what the White House had to walk back. The White House had to walk back several statements by Biden to the point where one of his press conferences recently, he does his little speech. And then afterwards, people started yelling questions and they killed his mic. They killed the mic for the audience and they killed the mic for Biden.

And then they cut the screen. So like so he can't say anything stupid. White House attempts to walk back. Biden stating Putin can't stay in power. They just can't trust him to say things. The president's point was that Putin cannot be allowed to exercise power over his neighbors or the region. That's not what he said. What did he actually say? For God's sake, this man cannot remain in power. That's what he said. That means he can't remain in power. That doesn't mean Putin can't be allowed to exercise power over his neighbors.

That's not what it says. So he's saying things that don't even sit with the narrative that the administration wants to put out. All the rest of the people that don't have dementia. This is crazy. We're a year in, Greg. And this guy is rapidly deteriorating. If you look at him from his best debate performance versus who he is now, you're seeing what happens to every president except Trump. Everyone ages. But Obama came in a young man. He definitely aged, but he's still very smooth. But he's still very smooth and there's no cognitive decline whatsoever. He just looks older.

He's more distinguished. He's got the white hair. Trump is the same guy. Trump looks like exactly the same. Is that good? I don't know. Somehow or another, he's like a duck. Water just fucking shakes off his back.

But Biden is older. He's a lot older. Bush got a lot older. Clinton got a lot older. These people age. It's a crazy job. They age hardcore. And when you're already at death's door, that is just a fucking carpet of banana peels. Yeah, I mean, we've got all these laws about how old a girl has to be to have sex with her. How about how old a president? Let's put a ceiling on presidential runs. It's not a bad idea. The problem with that idea is that there are people that are very valuable that are older, who are incredibly wise.

They have all of their faculties. And it would be an amazing resource to take advantage of all the years of knowledge and learning and wisdom and maturity. Right. He could be a cabinet member, but not the president. The president should have limitless energy. But it could be you could have a fit 80-year-old who's doing the job who... You don't want to be ageist to someone who's totally capable of doing the job at age.

Yeah. It's just not this guy. Yeah, but it's an eight-year job if you get reelected. So now he's 88. That's true. That's true. Yeah. I mean, is there an 88-year-old that's on the ball?

Dick Van Dyke. Dick Van Dyke. Not selling his house. But also Dick Van Dyke is not doing the kind of work that the president has to do, which I think is part of what ages you. Right, right. You're in charge with, you have to talk to international world leaders. You have to talk to bankers and financiers. You have to talk to people that are selling you doom and gloom about the environment.

All the union leaders, the press. And then there's gun violence. What are you going to do about the gun violence? Right. What are you going to do about this? What are you you gonna do about this what are you gonna do with this racial tension and there's illegal immigration what are you gonna do about that oh my god could you imagine the fucking every day you wake up and here's what's on the agenda today sir like ah yeah fuck i mean when you think about that and you think about the gaffes that Biden has had, how few Obama had.

Oh. Did he have any? His shit was tight. Did he have any? No. There was no stumbles. Yeah. There was no, I mean, maybe you made a misplaced word here or there, but there was nothing where you go, this guy's incompetent.

But the fucking Democrats, when Trump was in office, they were like, oh, my God, he's mentally compromised. He needs to be removed. He's slurring his words. We need to remove him. But they're not saying shit now. This shows how crazy you are because this is the most glaring example of someone who has reached a point of decline, that cognitive decline is relatively available to anybody to see. So I have to watch the videos.

Do you think he'll run again? Because I think he hinted that he would not when he ran for office. And certainly Kamala is not the next alternative. I don't think people want her. Bro, if anything happens to him, if I was her, I would be very scared. Yeah. I don't think people want her. Bro, if anything happens to him, if I was her, I would be very scared. Yeah. I would be very scared. Because I don't think they're ever going to let

her just be president. I don't think she's well-liked. I don't think when you keep hearing the things about her cabinet, people quitting, and the way they feel about her, and then her speeches, which are these rambling, nonsensical, like unprepared, poorly worded ramblings.

I'm sure you've seen some of those, right? I have not. You haven't? Honestly, I'm almost embarrassed to say, but like since Biden's gotten elected, I just checked the fuck out. I need a vacation. I need a vacation i need a vacation and i'm woefully under educated about what's been going on give me some one of the most recent ones that she's done

that's ridiculous because there's a shit ton of them that people have mocked because they're these vapid nonsensical ramblings like a kid doing a book report on a book they haven't read yeah that's what it's like you know one of them was about russia she's like russia is a country ukraine is a country and russia is a bigger country and russia is occupying ukraine and that's not good literally yeah i'm not i'm barely paraphrasing yeah see if you can find that one because that one's just so hokey but it's like well i mean essentially the democrats got together and they said we got a choice here during the last election we can either jump get idealistic here it is give me some of this word salad spectacle. Kamala Harris mocked for constantly.

Once again, for another doozy of a word salad statement. This time Kamala was giving a speech about affordable Internet access. OK. The significance of the passage of time. Right. The significance of the passage of time. So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time in terms of what we need to do to lay these wires what we need to do to create these jobs and there is such great significance to the passage of time uh well that wasn't very good but that wasn't the best one that mocks her hmm she loses her tenth staffer since june she seems totally out of a depth in almost every other issue especially when she has to ad-lib and talk from the heart or extemporaneously about the issues she should have thoroughly

digested and she's gotten so much bad publicity and one they're just talking about it oh this is the fox thing they're just on her but. But yeah, that's not a leader. That's not what you want. There's a lot of brilliant, articulate women out there that could do that job. There are, yeah. It's not the best pickings. You know what happened? Bernie won a fucking couple primaries.

That's what happened. And they're like, oh, Jesus, we're going to lose all our money. Exactly. That's what I was starting to build up to oh, Jesus, we're going to lose all our money. Exactly. That's what I was starting to build up to say. It was like, you know, they could have gone idealistic. The left could have, you know, gotten a progressive voice in there. And they said, no, let's just get Trump out. Who's the safest fucking bet?

Who's the oldest, statist white guy we can find? Well, it's also they just did not want Bernie. They did not want Bernie. Even if he won, they did not want Bernie. They didn't want Bernie leading the Democrat Party and all of his wacky Democrat socialist ideas. It would reform wealth and do all kinds of things that they were just not interested in doing. Stop all the military industrial complex money from influencing foreign policy and decision making. And he was a dangerous

threat is he your guy that was the guy that that was the first time i ever got canceled was i said i would probably vote for bernie and then he put it on his twitter page and then they found out a bunch of crazy shit that i've said and joking and took it out of context and calling me a homophobe yeah piece of shit. This is just the business as usual. The business as usual is like you have to be sanctioned to run the thing. Yeah. Right? And the way you get sanctioned is you become like deeply compromised.

You become a part of the thing. You take the money. You take the money. The amount of stock trading that's done by members of Congress, the amount of fucking money that they make when they know decisions that are going to be signed and passed, they know laws that are going to be put into place, they know... There was one recently, they were talking about Nancy Pelosi and the amount of money she invested in Tesla right before Biden signed this EV bill, electric vehicle

bill. It's like 1.2 million. Find out if that's true. They should all have to put their money in trusts while they're in office that are done in fucking mutual funds, index funds, things that are auto-generated buying and not individual stocks. Well, insider trading is against the law. Yeah.

How is that not insider trading? Right. stocks. Well, insider trading is against the law. How is that not insider trading? If you know that someone's going to sign a bill and that bill is going to be a massive boost to the electrical vehicle industry, just as an example, and you know that bill is going to be signed. So right before that bill signed, you buy a fuckload of stock in electrical vehicles. And then the next day or whenever it was that bill gets passed and then that stock goes up and you make a shit ton of money how is that not illegal they put martha stewart in jail for stock trading right for illegal uh insider trading yeah how is it what the congress does how is that they shouldn't they should not be able to buy and sell individual

stocks especially not shit where they have and then individual stocks. That's it. Especially not shit where they have inside access. And then keep an eye on their fucking brother-in-law too because they're making some phone calls. Exactly. Or their husband. Yeah. Yeah. Well that's the Nancy Pelosi thing. Yeah. She's worth like $200 million. Hmm. She makes a couple hundred grand a year. Jesus.

That's crazy. I need an inside tip, man. I got an inside tip, man. I got one inside tip in my life from a friend of mine. He was a guy I went to high school with, and then he was on Wall Street. He never gave me any stock tips. And then I got my first development deal, and he calls me up one day, and he whispers. He goes, I'm not going to say the stock number because I don't want him to get in trouble.

But he gave me the inside tip. And I bought it at $15. And I put a lot of money in. And it went up to $20. And then it doubled. And then it doubled. And then it doubled. And it was all the way up to like $350 a share.

And I said, my strike price is $400. I'm fucking selling this at $400. I would have made hundreds of thousands of dollars. And then it went $325. And then it went $250. And it came all the way. I sold like half of it on the way down. So I made some, but it came all the way down. This all happened within a month.

It went up and down like that. Oh, it was a pump and dump. Is that what it is? Yeah, they do that. They trick people into buying the stock. And then a bunch of people also buy the stock. The stock price goes up, and then you sell. Is that what happened with GMC? Hold on. Pelosi's husband invested in Tesla, but not as viral post claims. Okay, so it's bullshit. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi purchased $1.25 million in stock from the electric vehicle company Tesla.

A day later, on January 25th, President Joe Biden signed an executive order requiring all federal vehicles to be electric. A day later, after she buys $1.25 million in stock on Tesla, Biden signs an executive order requiring all federal vehicles to be electric. It says partly false. It's true that Pelosi's husband invested up to a million dollars in call options for Tesla stock in December, according to the financial disclosure documents, claims that the representative bought $1.25 million in shares one day before Biden's executive order are inaccurate. The facts. A viral meme wrongly accusing Pelosi of investing millions in Tesla the day before Biden signed that executive order on electrical vehicles circulated widely on Facebook on Monday with millions of views, more than 275,000 shares.

The Post paired a picture of Pelosi next to a photo of Biden signing the order. In some versions of the Post, the banner over the top of the images used sarcasm to eloquently, to obliquely rather, suggest Pelosi engaged in insider trading, reading, wow, what are the odds of that? Talk about luck.

What are the odds? Keep going. It's true that the husband, Paul Pelosi, made a Tesla investment recently. According to the House Speaker's financial disclosure documents published on January 21st, however, the date and the amount of the investment don't match the claim that's circulating wildly online. According to Pelosi's latest periodic transaction report filed with Congress, her husband on December 1st invested between $500,000 and $1 million, so it's only off by a little, in 25 call stock for a certain amount, the strike price, until a set expiration date. Biden signed his executive order directing federal officials to transition federal, state, local, and tribal government fleets to clean and zero emission vehicles on January 27th, more than a month after Pelosi's husband made the investment.

Yeah, but for sure she knew he was going to do that. That's only a month difference. It's not saying a day later. It's still a million dollars, and it's a month later. So it's inaccurate in a sense, but it's accurate that they had to have been discussing. Well, it's also one of the most widely traded stocks in America. True, but that's a giant decision that's made that boosts the stock significantly. And for sure, she has an insider track on it.

And also, how'd you get a million bucks to invest? Where's that coming from? Well, how much is she worth? 300 million or something? Where'd she get that? Right. Trading. Yeah. It's all trading. What does her husband do? Is he a trader?? Where'd she get that? Right. Trading. Yeah.

It's all trading. What does her husband do? Is he a trader? That's a good question. I don't know. He's really good at it if he's a trader. You know, you can mirror Pelosi or anybody's trades. You can track what they hold in their portfolio.

Can you just buy what they buy? You can buy exactly what they buy. Oh, you'd be killing it. It's federal. People do that show on TikTok. Like, I'm just buying what they buy. Good can buy exactly what they buy. Oh, you'd be killing it. It's federal. People do that show on TikTok, like, I'm just buying what they buy. Good move. Killing the game. Yeah.

That's a good move. Just follow Pelosi. Buy what that lady makes. Yep. Maybe she's just a genius. Maybe. Yeah. But so it seems like he bought a million dollars worth of stock a month before they signed

that order. That seems like that should be an issue. That seems like it's controversial. Those kind of decisions are discussed, like transitioning the entire fleet to electric vehicles. That's not something someone comes up with on a whim the day before they write that down and say it in front of the world. That's something that gets discussed. Yeah. I assume. Wouldn't you assume? I don't know if... Who knows?

I know that I was going to buy Tesla and my broker talked me out of it and then it fucking went crazy. Your broker talked you out of it? Yeah, he said that the fundamentals were bad, their supply chain wasn't going to be there when they couldn't meet the needs of all the Teslas that they were selling, which was all wrong.

Yeah. They're making their own chips now. Are they really? Yeah, they're doing a lot of things to bypass the problems with the supply chain. Oh. Elon's a fucking wizard, man. Yeah. I'm really interested to see what he does with Twitter, because he bought 9% of Twitter.

Oh, that's right. I read an article today, though. I didn't read the article. Excuse me. I read a headline today that said that he might have done something illegal by buying that stock. Oh, really? Yeah, but what is that?

What could he have done? I don't understand that. But I wasn't interested enough to read the article. What was his motivation for that? interested enough to read the article. What was his motivation for that? The disclosure of the purchase. The disclosure of the purchase? That he disclosed it? That's what it's...

It's the timing of the disclosure, it says. Oh. I think, you know... How is that? When you make a giant purchase like that, not disclosing it in a certain amount of time can affect things. Oh, like affect how other people buy it?

Sure. Or sell it or do whatever they do. Right, affect the stock price. Yeah, I'm interested to see because I hear they're going to put an edit button now. That was one of the things that he suggested, and he made a poll. Do you think Twitter should have an edit button? And he said yes. Who edits what?

You, whether you can edit it. Like if you write something and you write 1945, but you meant 1965, like fuck. You have to delete the tweet and start all over again. And he wants the, he was like, made a poll, should Twitter have an edit button? And the vast majority of people said yes, so let's see if they implement that. Here's the law. Oh, I see. that okay it's a 50 year old law that requires that investors notify the securities and exchange commission when they surpass a five percent stake in a company musk reached that benchmark on march

14th according to the filings but he made his public disclosure only monday that sounds like a minor. In between, he continued to buy stock at the price of around $39 per share, bringing his total stake to 9.2%. After his disclosure, Twitter's share price rose roughly 30%,

and is now above $50 per share. Oh, shit! So basically, if he had disclosed earlier that he was buying it, the price would have risen faster. Yes. Got it. Maybe that would have been bad for him because he wouldn't be able to get it at the same rate.

Yeah, exactly. But if he if he's actually listened to, so I don't know how much power a person who's worth 9% has over a company. Well, he's the biggest owner. Right.

The biggest stakeholder, shareholder. But did they have to listen to him, though? You know what I'm saying? Do they have to listen to him in terms of whether they want to ban people, whether they want to have an edit button, whether or not they want to apply the principles of the First Amendment to something like Twitter. Right. Well, maybe it's the fear that if he were to dump all the stock, it would hurt the price, so they want to keep him happy. I was having a conversation with a couple friends yesterday about this, and one of them

was dealing with comments on another social media platform. comments on another social media platform. And what they were saying was that, you know, what Twitter does by banning people and censoring people is definitely bad. But there are some fucking horrible people that were banned by Twitter that are now ruining these other social media apps. And they were explaining to me like what's happening and how these people comment on these other apps and about how toxic they are and about they have like a whole group of people that have also been banned that find these new social media apps and that's that's where they congregate and hang out and that's their community now and it's just it's just chernobyl it's just toxic what are the other apps well there's a shitload of them i don't want to

name the one they're like this person was talking to me about specifically because I don't want to fuck up. Because I think I believe in these other apps. I believe in all these other alternative platforms. to YouTube or to any of these, Facebook, any of these giant, huge companies that have a massive pipeline to the consciousness of the world. Because the ability to distribute information on Twitter or on Facebook, that is unprecedented. There's never been a thing like that where a privately owned company has the ability to get ideas out there that can change the way elections are run, to change the way so many things are thought of in this country. I think we need alternatives and I think we need alternatives that adhere to free speech.

But the problem is when they've got these shitty people that they've kicked off of these other platforms like Twitter, because Twitter is pretty ruthless about it, then they go to these other places and they run amok. And then they're like, hey, free speech. You need free speech. But then they're organizing harassment campaigns and fucking with people and targeting them all day long and constantly commenting on them. And you're like, I don't know if that's good either.

Yeah. You know, that would make me not want to go there if I was this person. So, like, but I don't like what Twitter did. Like, I don't think Twitter should have banned Trump. I don't think, I think that was a terrible idea. It's a terrible precedent to set. You can decide that you don't like a guy who's the fucking sitting president of the United States at the time and kick him off your platform because you don't like the things he's saying.

Yeah, I guess it's like, you know, if they control what newspapers can print and they're, you know, culpable for misinformation, I guess they're trying to look at the biggest providers, whether it's, you know, Facebook, Instagram, whatever, and hold them to that same standard. Well, then the question is, are they a publisher or are they a utility? Right that's the fine line. And if the thing is like if the president is saying something that's not true like if the president is saying like here's one thing that Trump always would say the elections were stolen and people are like well that's not true you can't say that. I think you should say to the president, hey, either you prove definitively that the elections are stolen,

and we look at this with a panel of objective experts, and if you can't do that, you have to stop saying that. We're going to delete all the times you've said it. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. If it is provable, I don't know how provable. I don't think that the president had the I don't think Trump had the election stolen from him, but I don't think there was zero election fraud in any election ever. No, but it's certainly no higher now than it's ever been. And every you know, in every investigation, it's turned up negligible. And in every investigation, it's turned up negligible. Has that been a bipartisan investigation?

Have the Republicans found the same results? Have the Democrats found results? Well, there were 60 investigations. 60? Yeah. And none of them found real measurable fraud that would have shifted? I think there might have been one that had some evidence out of 60. So I would imagine they were bipartisan, some of them, at the very least. If that's the case, then Twitter should look at that evidence and say, hey, you can't say that.

Because here's the evidence, and we'll point to the article and maybe a link. It's like to say, look, there's been 60 investigations. Only one found an amount of measurable fraud. I don't know if that's true, but I just know that they accused Bush of, Bush was accused of election fraud in like, whatever it was, was it 2008? 2004, is that what it was? But they, I mean, they were accusing him of election fraud back then. They even had that documentary, Hacking Democracy. Do you remember that documentary?

No. It was an HBO documentary that concentrated on the Diebold machines, and it showed that they could be influenced by a third party. Like a third party could have access to the machines, and they could change the result. And they proved it on the show, in the documentary. They actually did. They used the voting machine could change the result. And they proved it on the show, in the documentary, they actually did. They used the voting machine and changed the result. And was that the Diebold? Is it owned by a Republican donor?

I believe so. Yeah, I believe so, at the time. I think they also make ATM machines too. Yeah. It's like they make machines. It's pretty scary to think about how easy it would be to steal an election electronically. And I don't know why we don't have a uniform system of voting from state to state and that you can just – this state buys machines from this company. This one's online. This one's not online. Right. It's insane.

Remember the dangling chads? Yeah. Right. Remember that? the dangling chads yeah right remember that the dangling chads those little fucking things that didn't get punched all the way through so they didn't count right right yeah it's like for sure people are weasels and people are always trying to game any system but like that being a reason why you're going to keep a president. He thinks he got robbed. He didn't get robbed according to most people or a lot of people. Prove it.

But banning a president seems fucking crazy. It's crazy to say that you were robbed when you weren't robbed. That's crazy too. Right. But prove that and then even his followers should be able to look at that and go, hey, why is he saying he got robbed? Yeah. You know?

Right. I think there's some voter fraud that always takes place because some people are zealots and people that are working for the Republican Party, if they're involved in, you know, if there's some way, if there's a bag of mail that you know is coming from a Democrat community, you could fucking hide that. You know, and there's mail-in ballots or if there's some weaselly way you can do something. Yeah. People are going to do it. Right.

People are fucking. But it's also, you know, the default move when you're going to lose an election is to call voter fraud. Yes. You know, and that's just as weaselly. Yeah. It's been done by both sides. Yeah. It's fucking, it's bad too because it undermines our confidence in democracy, which is already

kind of shaky. And that is also one of the things that the Russian troll farms prey on. All those Russian troll farms that they found that comment on Facebook and start Facebook pages and do all these, they interact with people and get them all stirred up. All of them are trying to undermine our confidence. They love it. This is exactly what they wanted.

They wanted us fighting amongst ourselves and distrusting the democratic process. They won. That's what they wanted. And it's been very effective. And because of the freedom that we have with these social media platforms, they can take advantage of that. They did this thing recently. They found out that 19 out of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages were run by Russian trolls.

No kidding. Yeah. Wow. I was looking up, trying to find some Twitter information. In 2017 or 2018, this article was posted. An estimated two-thirds of tweeted links to popular websites are posted by automated accounts. Damn. Two-thirds. That's sick.

That's crazy. That's crazy. It had the number of accounts similar numbers like only 34% of these accounts are human oh my god that's so crazy suspected bots 66% the most active twitter bots produce a large

share of the links to popular news and current events websites so when they say bots is that necessarily that's automated yeah they have a definition of what they use for a bot, but it's basically like an automated account not run by an actual, you know, like someone claiming this is their- So there's multi-layers to this. I mean, I'm sure some of those bots are used by corporations and, you know, media sites in America to drum up interest. media sites in America to drum up interest.

Do you remember there was a Howard Stern controversy because there was a video that got released, and I want to say it's from 2013, where he's telling people to make fake Twitter accounts and tweet at celebrities to tell them to go on the Howard Stern show? Oh, no shit. Yeah, it was really embarrassing. It's like he's talking about what they need for the show to be successful, and he's doing this seminar in front of all of his employees.

So he's on stage, and he's got a PowerPoint presentation. And one of the things he's telling them to do is to tweet at celebrities and tell them that you have to be on the Howard Stern Show. We want you on the Howard Stern Show. And so he wants you to make a bunch of accounts. Make a bunch of accounts that should be part of your job. Do that and tweet at these celebrities. It's like, Whoa, it's a bad look. Yeah. You never seen it? No. Yeah. It's, uh, it's not something I could ever imagine doing. It's not something I can imagine anybody doing. There's a lot of people doing it. There's a lot of podcasts

out there that are filled with, you know, what do you call it when you get fake followers? Yeah. You know, they go to the farms that give you the fake followers and, you know, a lot of these new podcasts that are very corporate, they're all full of shit. You know, they're all it's all fluffed up with

tricks. Yeah, they're trying everything they can. I mean, so there's bots, which are automated responses and automated tweets that they could do that they do with a program. But then there's these troll farms that are actually people. And they create memes. And they make a lot of funny memes that mock Hillary Clinton or mock Barack Obama or mock Joe Biden or whatever. And they fucking churn these things out. And they're hilarious. Some of them are hilarious.

I had this woman, Renee DiResta, on my podcast. And she studied the Internet Research Agency in Russia. And she looked at hundreds of thousands of these posts and memes. And she's like, this is like this wild directed effort to stir up shit in America to get people fighting with each other. One of the things they did, they pitted a Texas separatist group. They made them have a demonstration across the street from a pro-Islam group. So they organized both of them. And they organized them to be across the street from each other.

Shit. It's wild. It's genius. But that kind of like really sneaky shit. Because that's what they're doing. And how do you control it? How do you keep that from happening? How can you? How can you? I mean on one hand what you're saying and I agree with it

to some extent is not to kick anybody off Twitter but then on the other hand you go like yeah but this these are the airwaves right right and what my friend was saying about these shitheads that have gone to these other platforms and are ruining these platforms to the point where they don't want to go to these platforms anymore because every time they go they're just dealing with these people that have been kicked off of Twitter and now they run amok here like it it's their playground now. Like they got their own playground. And you try to go over there because you're like, well, maybe Twitter is being a little bit irresponsible with their take on the First Amendment.

And then you go over there and you're like, well, what the fuck is this? This is not good. This is a terrible experience. Like the experience for the users is awful. It's tricky shit, man. Yep. It's like, how do you do it? How do you do it the right way?

You want free speech, but you don't want a cunt farm. Yeah. You don't want just like assholes just like overflowing where every time you go there you get harassed and insulted and that's what's fun for people. Like there's a lot of people that, do you ever see the, what is the storm? What the fuck is the HBO QAnon documentary? Entering the Storm, what was it called? Into the Storm?

Into the Storm. It's great. Have you ever seen it? No, I haven't seen it. It's on 4chan. It's all about 4chan and the QAnon hoax, this supposedly insider into the White House that was giving you all this information about what Trump is actually doing to try to stop the pedophiles and all this wild shit. they created this sort of thing and started putting out this fake character that they were saying was an insider with all this inside information

that they would distribute in this very cryptic manner. That's fucking wild to see how these people just buy into it hook, line, and sinker. And about the end of the film, they recognize that they were hoaxed after January 6th and everyone's fucked and they're all going to jail. Yeah. I thought we were on the good side.

Right. Well, what is the need that people have to believe this stuff? Is it that they've been lied to? Part of it is that the government does systematically lie, as every government always has. We know more about it now because it's a little less opaque now than it used to be but it opens the door like when you have you know when 9-11 happens and all of a sudden you know steel is being carted away and fucking trucks that are owned by the mob and different things happen you go like all right now i'm gonna look for a crazy answer because you didn't give us transparency yeah not to bring up 9-11 conspiracy theory. I'm just

saying that's what leads people to start these theories is that they weren't given the truth in the first place. Well, anytime there's a gigantic event like 9-11, you're going to have a lot of chaos. Anytime you have a lot of chaos, you're going to have conflicting eyewitness accounts, conflicting eyewitness accounts, and not even malicious, not even intentional. No, but it's anecdotal. Yeah. People handpick these anecdotal stories and then they put together a narrative.

Exactly. And then also people are so confused after an event that they give inaccurate depictions of events just because they don't know what the fuck happened. Yeah. And then there's like legit wonders. You know, there's legit conspiracies. People have conspired. The government's conspired.

People have done things. There's plenty of evidence. If you go through the Freedom of Information Act, there's a bunch of things like the Gulf of Tonkin incident that got us into the Vietnam War. Never happened. Operation Northwoods, this plan to blow up jet airliners and blame it on the Cubans and arm Cuban friendlies and attack Guantanamo Bay to get us to go to war with Cuba. That was all the government's real plan, signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff, vetoed by Kennedy. He was like, what the fuck are you doing?

I mean, it's probably one of the reasons why they killed him. Yeah. I mean, it's probably one of the reasons why they killed him. I mean, probably his reluctance to go along with a lot of the propaganda and the business as usual that the government wanted to keep running. That's how they ran shit. Yeah. That's what they did back then. Right.

The fact that they didn't just come up with that plan, but the fucking Joint Chiefs of Staff signed it. They're like, we're good to go. I like it. Good idea, guys. Let's kill some people. And let's kill Cubans They're like, we're good to go. I like it. Good idea, guys. Let's kill some people. And let's kill Cubans. That's what they were going to do. They were going to blame the Cubans, blow up a jet.

They had a drone. It was a drone jet. They were going to fly a jet and make it explode in the sky. Look what the Cubans have done. And what? Say there were Cubans in it? We are at war. Yeah. So literally the theories about 9-11 were part of an actual plan in the 60s.

That plan was in some way eerily similar to a lot of the crazy conspiracy theories that people have about 9-11. And that's one of the reasons why they get so curious about these things is because the government has done things. The Gulf of Tonkin the Gulf of Tonkin rather is that's irrefutable we know that that didn't happen we know that the government made up a false flag event

so that we could go to war with Vietnam and it happened we did it and then we after 9-11 there was all of a sudden there were military actions that were taken that didn't even fucking make sense that's why i get real suspicious when the government starts releasing information about ufos when they start releasing information about crafts made from other worlds.

Really? No one wants to believe in UFOs more than me. Yes. I got a fucking UFO behind me. I got a UFO on the table. No tattoos? No UFO tattoos? No, I should. I should have one.

Nobody wants to believe in aliens and UFOs more than me. Yeah. And I'm not in. All right. I'm watching these these press conferences i'm seeing these videos that they release and the way they're describing things i'm like god damn it why why do i have this part of me that's calling bullshit i have a feeling that they have access to some technology that is above and beyond what we think is currently available. And whether it's military shit or whether it's drones, whatever the fuck it is, I think some of the things that we're seeing that operate in these insane ways, I think it's some stuff they're testing.

That's what I think. Maybe some of it's aliens. some of it's aliens. I'm willing to believe that too because of the Fermi paradox and maybe just the sheer number of stars in the universe. The idea that this is the only place that has life is crazy.

Yeah. This doesn't make any sense. It's illogical. Yeah, something's out there. And if something was out there, I think they would check us out because we're out of our fucking mind and we use nuclear bombs.

Yeah. I would watch. I would see what we're doing. So I'm not opposed to the idea of UFOs being real. But when the government starts having transparency about unidentified flying objects, that, believe it or not, them talking about it is where I'm like, huh, really? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I believe it.

I don't like when the Pentagon starts telling me that UFOs are real. Really? Right. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I just don't think they would tell you. Yeah. I think they'd rather keep you in the dark.

They're just making people pay more attention to it. But if they have a product that behaves and moves in a way that is unexplainable with traditional acknowledged technology, but it's just some new technology, what better way to mask the fact that you have this thing than to say, you know, guys, there's some things we just can't explain. And we don't know what to do about them, but we've had multiple sightings of these incredible objects, and we don't know what they are. We have no idea. Yeah, it's like when your parents get divorced

and then your dad suddenly introduces you to his new friend who's got huge tits. And they seem to know each other for a long fucking time. And she comes on vacation with us? Hey, Dad. It's just, when has the government been transparent about things like that? Never. Never.

No, they're not giving you anything they don't want you to have. No. Why would they want? I think that that is a nice distraction to all the conspiracy theorists and all the UFO aficionados like myself. And I think maybe some of it is they're acknowledging that there's some things that they can't explain. Maybe some of it is some shit that they have. Yeah. I think that's a likely possibility.

Right. At least it's on the table yeah speaking of conspiracy theories our friend tom o'neill the chaos author fucking thank god you introduced me to that guy but he he's uh they're producing a uh a movie oh are they really one of the major uh stream i think i I can say Netflix. Yeah, Netflix is doing it with probably the best documentary maker of the last few decades. That's fucking great. Yeah, yeah. That book is so good. Oh, and by the way, this is how good a guy Tom is.

I told him, I sent him a message, hey, my wife's mom is so into your book, and she's all in. And she's in the middle of reading it, and every time I talk to her, her eyes light up, and she wants to talk to me about the book. And she found out about it from me because I was explaining it to her, and she actually was a hippie in Haight-Ashbury in the 60s. No shit. And she went to that Haight-Ashbury clinic

where that Jolly West guy was giving acid to the Manson family. No shit. Did she remember Jolly West? No, she doesn't remember that. But she remembers going to that clinic because that was in the neighborhood where she lived. Yeah.

And everybody went there. But she was a part of that whole movement. Wow. She was there. So this was unbelievably fascinating. This is like her diary. And Tom offered to talk to her when she finished the book. Oh, nice.

He said, I'd love to get on the phone with her and have a conversation with her and maybe answer some questions. Because there's some new information that we have after the book was published. I have some new information. Because he's still looking into it. Yeah, yeah. Which is crazy. Well, he's got so much material that didn't make it into the book. There has to be a second book.

And he just came to my birthday party two nights ago uh thanks and uh happy birthday thank you and he never tires if i have a new friend that he hasn't met before and i say this is my friend tom oh what do you do tom well i'm all right what'd you write cath he will then sit there for an hour and a half and just fucking download them on the important parts of the book. And it's not to promote. It's just he is passionate about his curiosity about this and putting it all together. For people who don't know, we should end with this because we've been going for a long time,

but Tom was originally hired to write an article about the anniversary of the Manson murders. By Premier Magazine. Upon investigation in writing the article, he realizes there's some inconsistencies and there's some problems and so he goes deeper and deeper and then he gets fired from that and he keeps writing

and then more people hire him for books and this and that. And it goes on for 20 fucking years. 20 years. And all this time, you were his friend. Yeah. And you were his neighbor in New York and then you were his neighbor in Venice. Yep. And then Greg, who has never suggested anyone to me as a guest you go you gotta have this fucking guy on and you tell

me this whole story and I'm like oh a guy who loves conspiracies yeah I'm like oh my god this is a great one and I think Jamie read the book and uh but his cast his vote yeah it's really something that like when people say I worked on something for 20 years, it's like, did you? Right. But I can tell you by living next to him, every morning that motherfucker made a pot of coffee, drank the whole thing, and then wrote for nine hours. And if he wasn't writing, he was in a car that I gave him, a 1985 Volvo 240DL. He was driving into the fucking desert in 100-degree heat with no fucking air conditioner. To investigate the Manson murders.

Because there was some LAPD officer who was on his deathbed that was finally ready to talk. And like he went all around the country. And the thing about the book is this is a real journalist who corroborated every fact in that book. And that's the thing about it that is so amazing is he doesn't at the end wrap it all up and go, here's exactly what happened. Right. He comes just short of saying, I know definitively that he didn't. He said he never got the smoking gun. But you as a reader go, no, you did, Tom.

And he's like, no, I didn't. Because he has the discipline of being a real journalist. It's so good. Yeah. It's amazing. It's so good. It's dense. It's so good. Yeah, it's amazing. It's so good. It's dense. It's so good.

Yeah. And the audio book is great, too. I listen to the audio book. Yeah. All right. Gravitons, I love you. Can I pour my dates out? You're the best.

Yes. Hey, people. Pour them out. Come on out and see me. I'm going to be performing at the- What is your website? Fitzdog.com. I'm going to be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store.

Great club. April 8th through 10th. Then of the best. Then I'll be in Spokane. Also in April, New Orleans, Lafayette, Louisiana. Then I'll be at that casino in Plainville, Mass. Denver Comedy Works, April 28th through 30th. Tacoma Comedy Club.

Irvine Improv. And then Bakersfield, California. All dates at FitzDawg.com. Beautiful. And Instagram and Twitter. what do you want? Each one? At Greg Fitz Show on Twitter and then Instagram, I think, is just my name, Greg Fitzsimmons.

I think so. And then the podcast is FitzDawg Radio and then I do another one with Mike Gibbons called Sunday Papers. Beautiful. Are you still doing something with Alison Rosen? Yeah, Childish with Alison Rosen. Beautiful, beautiful.

Yeah, doing it all. Good to see you, my friend. Joe, good to see you, brother. Love you. Can't wait to have you out here. Beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, doing it all. Good to see you, my friend. Joe, good to see you, brother. Love you. Can't wait to have you out here when the club opens. Yeah. Next time.

I can't wait. Okay, good. Bye, everybody.