The Joe Rogan Experience - #1808 - Dan Soder

Episode Date: April 23, 2022

Dan Soder is a stand-up comedian, actor, and co-host of "The Bonfire" with Big Jay Oakerson on SiriusXM.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. All good, Dan Soder. All good, we're up and running. What's happening, brother? How are you? What's up, Joe Rogan?

Very nice to meet you officially. Very nice to officially meet you. I've enjoyed your comedy online. Thanks, man. It's nice to see you in person. Friend of a friend of multiple friends. You're in the tight group of excellent people. Yeah, thanks.

You respect it. Yeah, I got a lot of funny friends that are also fucking weirdos. Yeah, well, I don't know a funny one that's not a weirdo. Yeah, show me someone that's funny and they're not going to be, you know. They can be quiet, but they're weird. Everyone who tells jokes for a living is fucking weird. Psychos and phonies. I said that to Santino.

We're all either psychos or phonies. Is there any phonies that are good, though? They get found out. There's only psychos. No, the phonies, they can trick you for a little. Because you got to have a little sweetness in it. And then they whip it into, you know what it is? It's a Oz.

The phonies are Oz. They have the big booming voice and everyone's like, oh. And then it's just the guy behind the curtain. And you're like, fuck. Well, the scary for the phonies must be when they get caught stealing jokes. Because then they have to write all their own jokes afterwards. And they don't really know how to do that. That's hard.

It's the hardest. To write in jokes. It's the hardest. Coming up with premises, fleshing them out, trying to figure out really know how to do that that's hard it's the hardest to write in jokes it's the hardest coming up with premises fleshing them out trying to figure out the right way to do them seeing people with better jokes oh there's nothing more of a dick pusher in than seeing someone with a great bit and you're like oh fuck that's so good especially on a subject that maybe you were thinking about talking about and then this guy has this fucking perfect bit about it you're like oh my god i missed it i was just in nashville and i saw chris porter do this bit about uh people that are worried about being chipped i'm not gonna give away the bit but i watched it and i

watched the angles and he got off stage and i was like i was mad at you by like the third tag by the third tag i was like who the fuck is this guy writing a damn near perfect where like the thought it's not where you thought it was going to go, but it makes the most sense. You're like, fuck, dude. God damn it. Now you got to go back to your hotel room and hate your act. I got to hate my act for a week.

There was a fucking company in Europe that was chipping their employees. And for normal shit, like getting into a door and like buying something in the commissary. But that European attitude, they're like, oh, it's fine. I just chip in as the door opens. And every sentence. As the door opens, it's no problem. I go get my little espresso and I come outside.

I'm chipped. Yeah, don't. It's always that European attitude that makes me feel like, are we as Americans overly paranoid or are we right? That's why like when that Klaus Schwab guy talks. Yeah. I don't even know who that is. You could have made name up that sounds like a made-up name oh my god he's the head of the world economic forum and he dresses like a bad guy in a comic book i'm not kidding if you have that i'm telling you if you're that kind of power do that why not do that yeah, honestly

I think I think you should lean into like you should start advertising yourself as like a bond villain Think about it. Dude. You got the you got the compound in Texas, you know karate You're already a bond villain Then you can just sit in a chair and be like Jamie pull it up the world must pay me do it, dude Yeah, I wish that was a real thing, but this guy is a real thing dude I can't wait to see this guy check this guy out now. Let me show you what he looks like though He says let me go, but let me Klaus Schwab No, but let me show you what he looks like with his crazy outfit on damn dude. He's a basset hound

Oh, there's a lot of pictures, but create Klaus Schwab superhero outfit. Put that on. Just type that in Google. Klaus Schwab. Because he looks like a fucking superhero. Like a bad guy. Like a super villain. Don't you?

Yeah, that's it. Oh, dude, there it is. Is that Ebola? Oh, no. What is this? What is that? Space Federation. You will never have your freedom.

Yeah. We will control your chips. He looks like he makes pod people. Imagine walking out of the house with that on going, oh yeah. Honey, do you have my weird insulated vest? What is that? Where's my brooch? Is that a brooch?

Is that like the Patagonia type material? Look at the fucking thing. Look at the whole thing. Oh my God. That makes me think he's worn a mask at an orgy. Oh, for sure. If you're wearing that in public, you're putting on deer antlers and a robe and fucking someone. You're going to Bohemian Globe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going. Yeah, he's one of those guys. You're in a marble room fucking a lady that worked at Twin Peaks. Bro, what is that outfit? Jamie, get that photograph, and and we're gonna make a large metal print of it for the studio hell yeah i think we know klaus klaus i am klaus schwab but would you hear him talk about the young global leaders of the world economic forum you're like oh my god

you're you're a movie guy you're a character you're a living bad guy yeah living villain and lean into it. Well, he's a guy that's like- He should have a henchman. Supposedly, if you follow the conspiracy theories, he's like orchestrating the Great Reset. He even wrote a book about the Great Reset. And then there's like conspiracy theories. What does the Great Reset mean?

They're talking about some sort of a financial reset. It scares the shit out of me. No, live comic book life. Make it weird, make it fucking, make it weird as fuck. I would say if you're going to do that, like give the conspiracy people what they want just a little bit.

Don't actually do the bad shit. But like have a photo of you with like a goat sacrifice. Dude, I would pay, if I was Klaus Schwab, I would pay a lot of money. A lot? A lot of money, and then dress a person up as an alien, and somehow leak a photo of us shaking hands, and then just drop it on Google,

and then watch everyone be like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, you'd wanna drop it through some German website. Yeah, yeah, or a defunct paper. Yeah. And you're like, oh, this is weird, I found this old picture of Klaus Schwab in defunct paper. Yeah. And you're like, oh, this is weird. I found this old picture of Klaus Schwab in a gray.

That's the problem. It's like, as much as we complain about like the New York Times and the Washington Post, imagine if all of your news just came from websites. Look at it the other way. Look at it the other way. If it was all, it's all a thing that someone could build in a day. Yeah. Like the New York Times, you can hate them what they are, but that is an institution.

Yes. You know they have offices. Yes. They have a payroll. They have a history. Yes. You can just have a website drop a picture of Klaus Schwab in a thong with a gray, and it's going to be like, where did this come from?

But then the internet does what the internet does best, and they take something and run with it. Oh, yeah. And so then it would just be on. Yeah. There's going to be conspiracy theories about why Mike Tyson lit that dude up on that plane That's real simple that dude was a douche bag, and he was you see the other videos annoying one of the baddest motherfuckers It's ever walked the face of the earth talk about kicking a beehive. What the fuck? That's not even kicking a beehive. It's like smashing its head butting a beehive

It's like trying to put your dick in a sleeping bear's mouth. Like he just walked up and was like, I'm going to lower my wiener right into the bear's mouth. Mike Tyson. Also, there's a video that came out of the angle of him talking to someone. And he's like talking shit in a way where you're like, this guy's hammered and doesn't know what's coming. Because I bet in his head he's like, you won't punch me. He can't punch me He's my god. He's a guy that thinks Mike Tyson's hands are registered lethal weapon He strikes me as that guy. He's like any by the way

I saw the guy's shape and I was like that guy would kick the shit out of me That was a thing that people would always say right he had registers hands deadly weapons. I think I said it I've spread that around I've been putting out that propaganda be like, you know, I have to register their hands is I'm that that's my level of dumb. Yeah, will you tell me that and I'm like, I knew that was true I wonder if it's a state thing or a Is that a county or federal thing? Oh, that's one of them old-school karate dojo things. That's what that is. I loved it I mean you were doing karate in the 80s you were actually doing karate But what's funny about the 80s is people just put on outfits. You've seen that a couple times in your life

Yeah, you've seen that a couple times Because you know what I always think about was UFC when dudes would just rock affliction shirts Oh, yeah, man, and I lived in like- Silver foil writing. Yeah, I lived in Tucson in the early 2000s, and you'd just see big dudes in Affliction shirts, and here's the thing. I'm not gonna test that theory. It was the style. Yeah, and they would like super gelled up hair,

and they're just mean mugging everyone. I was rocking liquor t-shirts and shitty dungarees. I was like, dude, I ain't gonna see if this guy knows how to fight or not. I don't give a fuck. Those are the early days. That's when things were wild. Affliction had their own promotion.

Yeah, I remember that. They got Fedor, didn't they? I remember that. I worked at K-Rock in New York when Stern left. They like turned it to Free FM and then they brought it back K-Rock with Opie and Anthony

and I was doing like overnights and I bought, I somehow got that Affliction fight on the TV in the old a ONA studio and that felt like I was like dude This is this is better than working. I'm not I'm getting paid to watch this fade or if I mean it was a quick fight But yeah, he fought over there a couple times right he fought Tim Sylvia. Yeah, I think he fought under a loft ski over there, too Yeah, he was fun. He was it was that affliction were they both affliction? I don't know. I think I know the Sylvia fight was affliction were they both affliction i don't know i think i know the sylvia fight was affliction they spent a lot of fucking money man they went

crazy they they tried to go crazy i knew one of the owners shout out to mr atencio he's a cool motherfucker they're they're cool people i also just had the realization that i'm talking to joe rogan about this like i was we were just having a conversation i'm like i'm talking to a guy that actually knows these people like it's like a bar talk where you're like yeah but i i do that too i know that's what yeah the sylvia one was yeah that's it tim sylvia was a quick one um and so they had two events 2008 shout out 2008 for me drinking beers in the k-rock studio they might have had more than two um events uh yeah but they definitely had those two. Did they have more than two events?

Does it say? How many events did Affliction MMA have? I think it was just those two. And that fucked them. They were high level. I mean, that must have fucked them with the UFC. Just being like, hey, we're going to do our own fight promotion. And you're like, what's up?

You know, the UFC is like, good luck. Good luck. I mean, Dana's super competitive, obviously, but they were never worried about it. They were trying to get Fedor for a long time, so it was kind of a bummer. He was one of those guys, you want to talk about like villainous,

that they built up online, and they were like, you got these guys fucking just rushing. Did you ever watch him fight? Oh, yeah. It was great. You just watch him dominate people, and you're like,

and I like his face. He looks like he owns a good diner You hang out and then you just watch him take Tim Sylvia a giant and just fuck his shit up He fucked everybody shit. I like dudes who can fight that look like there's just sweet chair boys Peter was the ultimate cuz he was never ripped. Yeah, I mean even when he was in his prime absolute prime He always had some body fat on him. That's why as a guy that's grown into having a body That's like I have like 70s WWF body

There's something to be said for that because having a little bit of fat on you doesn't look as good because you're not as shredded. Yeah, you jiggle. You seem like you have a little bit more endurance. Really? I don't know, man. Is it the fat? Not too much. Yeah, dude.

Like, he was pretty fat. He's our sloppy king. Fedor's the sloppy king. Yeah, look at that one picture of him there. Dude, and he just beat the- Fuck everybody up. He had a brother, right? Yes, his brother was jacked.

His brother was covered in tattoos. So my question is do you think fate or who's the bat? One of the baddest dudes of all time. Yeah is mad that his brother's got a better body Do you think there's that in something anything gets him mad if cage fights don't get him mad. Why would anything get he never? Changes his expression. He's never angry. He's never like When he wins is just yep, another day in office. The man is hurt. I want to go have bath. Dude, he pulled off some of the most spectacular submissions and finishes, and he would climb off like he just left a bathroom.

I would do absolutely, if I got a finish, a quick finish in a fight, I would be jumping up on that cage. I'd be doing somersaults. I'd just be up on that cage. I'd be doing somersaults I would just be rolling around that ring because I can't imagine to be that cool about being that badass Yeah is the coolest thing. I think that's one of the reasons why is that badass? I think it's his mind He just shut down. He's like physically. He's got amazing tools like he fights very well off his back He fights very well standing up his. He fights very well standing up. His tools are amazing, no doubt. But there's nothing about him that's exceptional in terms of strength or speed. It's all really good.

Yeah. But there's certain guys like Alistair Overeem in his prime that was so fucking strong, so powerful. You want to talk about superheroes, dude. Oh, my God. He was the superhero. That guy was built like you could put him in just tight like with a star on his chest and be Like it's Justice man, and it would look real when he was the k1 Grand Prix champion He was like it didn't make sense that anyone built like that was actually a fighter He was like a bodybuilder almost which is funny because I grew up

He was so jacked. Dude, look at our sloppy king on the left. And our sloppy king would be a heavy favorite in an MMA fight between those two back then. I not only would- Look at him there. That's when he's fighting Brock Lesnar. Bro. Damn. I mean, what the fuck?

I would not only would I bet- It's a perfect body. Not only would I bet money on Fedor. Look at you in the back. You're just looking at him like, Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, why not me? I would not bet money on Fedor. Look at you in the back. You're just looking at him like,

Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, why not me? Yeah, but Fedor's a guy that I would not only bet money on a fight, but then want food recommendations. Right, he'd probably know where the good Russian delis are. Even the things, you get the good blints. And you're eating it with your friend and you know, you know Fedor told me about this?

Yeah, that fucking dude eats. Yeah, he enjoys life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope he wears a lot of clothes with fur on them, that fucking dude eats. Yeah. Yeah. He enjoys life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope he wears a lot of clothes with fur on them because he deserves to. Do you think he drinks? Oh, yeah.

In a cool way. Must. In like a nondescript bottle into a glass one. His brother was a fucking beast, man. And his brother drank a lot. Those Russians

and those Eastern Europeans, I'm a Nuggets fan. So we have Nikola Jokic yokich oh look at him hammered hammered with a bottle is that real is that a real photo that looks a little photoshopped that also could just be a fraternity member at like ohio state that could be a guy that could be a buck guy just like i'm fucking hammered or the baddest dude on the planet yeah yeah, either one. Look at him. Big old sweater. Oh, the Last Emperor is a cool name, too. And people used to always go online. They would make fun of his sweater of victory because he had all these really Charlie Brown looking sweaters.

He dressed like such a dad. I fucking love that. He dressed like such a dad. He was the baddest man in Russia. Yeah, and he was like a myth in the United States because they couldn't get him in the UFC So they're like dude this guy in Russia Yeah, cuz like you know my friends I'm a casual fight fan

But then my friends who were super into it like Lewis and Dave Smith were like he did fade or this guy's fucking crazy He was awesome But the thing about it is by the time he was coming to like strike force when like Fabrizio Verdun beat him like he had already had so many years on the clock yeah it's like I when I think about Fedor when I think about fighters I think about fighters during their peak period of performance and during Fedor's peak period of performance was the Noguera fights it was um and the Noguera brothers were like they like flew him to Russia being like this is the fight of the century Right like when they fought well when no Gary no Gary

Oh, I think I want to say no Gary lost the title to Fedor see if that's true I'm pretty sure he lost a strike this the pride title. Could he get the belt around his fucking torso? Yeah, awesome if you like the time they just carry them on their shoulders anyway. I know, but I can't snap. My head's too big. I can't wear a snapback. You can't wear any snapbacks? No, man.

It's on the last one where it pops. I fucking hate it. I like Velcro better anyway. Yeah, I do fitted because I have to wear- I wear a size eight, if anyone's wondering. It's a big-

That's a big head, bro. You got a lot of brain in there. Yeah, or water. I'm just kicking a paddock. It's just a thick skull. Let's see if I can break this table just fucking bam you ever seen those videos dudes like smashing bricks with their fucking forehead oh yeah tree punching videos tree punching is one thing it hurts your hand doesn't change the way you think imagine being so dumb you're gonna change the way you

think on purpose you go i went out to the woods and forgot a couple cousins because I was just smashing my fucking head into a tree This is one video of a dude tries and it doesn't work And then he tries again, and he's basically ko'd and he's wobbling around cuz he just head-butted some fucking marble Is he doing that like wait? He was doing marble? It was on some thick-ass stone. Whatever the fuck it was any of those break videos Again growing up on action movies in the 80s in the 90s Anytime they showed the brick breaking scenes and I was big yeah, that's not for me I get all the training, but that just seems did you ever do that in karate? Are you breaking boys we would open up a new school?

We would do demonstrations and one of the things that people wanted to see was people breaking boards see I broke boards There's a lot of boards. But I only broke boards during demonstrations. We never even practiced it. So you wouldn't just be at home with your friend and you're like, dude, pick that board up and then just fucking jump off the couch and karate kick it?

No, we never practiced breaking boards. We just practiced for tournaments. So like when we were breaking a board, it was just for fun. You're just like, yeah. You just kick it, you just kick it You just kick it like they break easy. They break so easy, but I'm trying to think of me I'm trying to kick a board and just missing and be like fuck. Yeah, fuck. You shouldn't be doing a demonstration Did you guys do it to music? Cocaine karate energy.

That Brian De Palma energy. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Just coming out with fritzy music and kicking shit. Fucking Star Spangled Banner shorts on. Yeah, people like me should not, I shouldn't take karate. Because you're seeing I idolize all the wrong things. Where I'm like, I'll just be showing off for my friends. With those things, that's what gets people into real martial arts.

The best part about even the Karate Kid. Do you know how many people enrolled in karate schools after the Karate Kid? Holy shit, it must have been nuts. I mean, the money they were making. That's why I loved Fist Foot Way with Danny McBride. Because you're like, that's probably the most realistic description of a guy who's like, fuck it, I'll make money. Do you know about McDojo Life?

No. Okay. McDojo Life? No. Okay. McDojo Life is an account on Instagram. Okay. It's fucking amazing. It's all fake karate guys and fake kung fu guys and fake martial arts, like, death touch guys. Yeah.

They all, like, fall down. Like, a guy comes at them with a knife, he's like, ah! Or they do that thing where they just, like, do a quick toss and then they're done and it's clearly not a move. He had one he put up today that showed a Qigong specialist. Qigongs are like energy people. And they're making dudes come. Look.

Look at this. Who comes like that, though? Waving the... I do. That's the only way. You go side to side? I have to go like this. I got a fish swim, dude.

It's got music attached to it. So is this technically a rub and tug? No, it's a hover and tug. He's like, you can't get popped. The cops come in and they're like, dude, I came, but he didn't touch me. He just did the hover and nut. Yeah, he's like, pulling a nut out of you? Like a snake charmer?

So this guy has all of the, don't go to the one in the middle. This one does it with his hair. Watch. Watch this. Just uses his hair. That's great. That's not a parody. There was an indie wrestler that did that with his dick. That's great. That's not a parody. There was an indie wrestler

that did that with his dick. Oh my God. Pro wrestler, where his finishing move was someone would grab his junk and then he would flip him. And he would like, kind of like,

that was the whole point of his, fuck, I'm trying to remember what this guy's name, John, Johnny something. He was, yeah.

But that's, I always love watching the videos. You used to post a lot of them she did it to ken shamrock here oh no way did he really oh yeah joey ryan that's who it is yeah this is ken shamrock grabbing this guy's dick it's joey like come on imagine you have to practice yeah you're like all right dude just do the move also he's holding it oh my god he's holding it longer for the move it's like he's like he's got a magnet on his dick. Yeah, but if you're Shamrock, you're like, all right, buddy, you're taking like three more seconds than I need.

He just wants a lot of photo ops. Yeah. And then they do this. But the videos that you used to post of guys that are like fake karate. That's from this guy. Oh, and then fighting? Yeah, yeah. And then I read that story about in China where that MMA fighter came here and trained.

Yeah. And then went over there and fought like a Chinese. I don't forget what the guy's name is, but he fought him. He was shunned by the country. Yeah, he fucked a dude up and the country was like, hey. Yeah. It's like, that's kind of our. Yeah. China does not like any disparagement of like their traditional martial arts or that kind

of thing. They did not like that. They do like their martial arts fighter. Like there's a woman named Zhang Weili. Yeah. Yeah, she's former champion one of the top Women one of the greatest fights I've ever seen in my life her and you wanna oh my god. Oh my god Who's it say? Oh my god first off when you see you on his face after like that's Photoshop There's a football in her head Her head was like a football was glued onto her head remember oddities on MTV where the guy would crawl out of the brain That's oh yeah

Imagine if it that lanced in the fight imagine if Whaley Landed like an elbow. Yeah, you would have been in the splash zone. Oh my god I like a Gallagher show it would have just dumped over ahead because the way it formed up so much fluid in there It was crazy. Bro, that's all blood. She had like a core. It was like realistically. Remember when you went to high school,

you had those little milks? Yeah, the little boxes. A little half pint of milk. Oh, I love that. That was a half a pint of fluid in her fucking head. So she could have gone like, do you think if she would have walked up after the fight, like, hey, good fight.

Like that. Pimple popper. Yeah, just pimple popper did all over you and her as you're interviewing her. So she could have gone right you think if she would have walked up after the fight Hey, good fight Just pimple pop it all over you and her as you're interviewing her. She's oh It's bigger than I remember it looks like it's huge. It looks like the black hole Sun video It looks like Soundgarden's black hole Sun when they make their eyes all fuck. That's crazy. That is nuts, dude I forgot how big it was That was right after the fight. That's so crazy. It's not like it's the next day and it's had time.

That's like, yeah, dude. That's so crazy. You know what makes me think about early man? When you look at those, when they find those skeletons of early man, the forehead was always so much bigger. I wonder if they just were getting hit a lot. By everything. It has to be it, right?

Yeah, there weren't roads. They just walked through branches, just taking shots from trees. And enough fights and stuff, that would happen on a normal basis where your head would swell up like Ioana's. But you also have to realize that we weren't as smart back then. So let's say you're a guy and you take a fall and you get a Ioana lump like that. And you go back to your tribe And they're like you have the devil in your head You're evil you have something going on because they don't understand what the fuck that it's blood like we know that you can immediately be like

Right they might be thinking that you're like becoming a thing or maybe a parasite Oh, you're smart you go into it if you're smart you come back with enough brain damage to be like, bow before me. I can think more than anyone. One thing I absolutely believe happened is people who had mushrooms, who figured out mushrooms before everybody else, they're the ones who started the cults. It's like, dude, Vikings. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

They used to go rage. Yeah. When you go to, I went to Sweden. It was like one of the first vacations I took. And I was like, I want to go see Queens of the Stone Age in Sweden. Oh wow, it's fucking rad dude. It was awesome It was one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. Josh on once I know dude He's one of my favorites and he I got to see him at this outdoor amusement, you know, cuz it's like light there late So the whole concert was light

but I went to the Viking Museum and they were like there's a part where they're like eightsies mushrooms They try to do it quick and you're like, dude, that's fucking, and then you look it up and they rage. And that's weird that that's a tiny part of the story. That's a big part of the story. Yeah, dude, it's the motivation.

Well, they were in a zone. They were literally tripping balls, hacking people to death. Dude, if it didn't work, and you're just like looking around, and you're like, guys around Guys are not feeling it And they're just burning huts and shit But there was a study done

There was a guy who's I think he was a psychologist Did a study on mushrooms And he found that it Measurably increased visual acuity So what his study was The way the study worked is They have like two parallel lines

And then they move one line Slightly off parallel and the people on mushrooms could detect that quicker than the people who are sober because your eyes are fucking wow yeah you're out when i was 16 my buddy brian was like easily the smartest kid i know grew up with and loved the most drugs and got mushrooms and we took mushrooms and then we were in the good times parking lot good times 16 and i'm sitting there and i eat it with brian and he was so smart that he explained to me what was going to happen as it was happening so he goes all right you've eaten the mushrooms the

psilocybin is going to go into your stomach lining and then it's going to open your retina you're going to you're going to let more light in so you're going to have a problem with shadows and distance and i was like i remember smoking a cigarette in the parking lot being like oh it's gonna open your retina, they're gonna let more light in, so you're gonna have a problem with shadows and distance. And I was like, I remember smoking a cigarette in the parking lot being like, oh, fuck. And just seem to be like, whoa. Because you just notice shit. Right.

Because your eyes, you're just like, huh. And then he's like, my favorite part, he's like, you're gonna think you know everything. And then it was like, almost immediately, I'm like, you know what? I think school, I don't do well in school. I'm self-diagnosing myself. I got ADD, HD, I think't do well in school. I'm like just self-diagnosing myself. I got ADDHD, I think, I don't know.

I'm on a lot of psilocybin. But yeah, and then as it came down, it was crazy. It was like the best experience to do a drug for the first time. Now imagine if you knew about that, but all the rest of your village didn't, and you knew where the mushrooms were, and you had taken them a couple of times,

and you said, you know what? These motherfuckers need to be under my thumb. They need to be under my rule. Let's make some stew. Well, I think you just tell them what to do. And tell them you're in touch with God. And you're going to give them a little piece of God. And they're like, oh, my God.

How do you know this? God speaks to me. It's the confidence. Yeah. They've done it. They've been there. And they probably might believe it. Yeah.

That's what I always felt about. Whenever I've been nervous about something in comedy, there's always, you always talk to someone older and they're over it. Like what kind of stages? Like when I started, I went on the road with Bobby Kelly, who's one of the best. He's like my older brother. I love Bobby. Bobby is one of the funniest human beings and makes me, I can call him and just laugh

like anytime I want, but I open for him. Andby's bobby you know boston tough and shit and he's like you fucking you love featuring dude you're featuring you're having fun huh doing your time your best jokes in the middle of the show call me when you're a headliner have the fun with that you know and then i was headlining and i was in kansas city and i was just bombing bombing and i was doing like wednesday through sunday it's one of those long weeks you know it might have been a tuesday and I was in Kansas City, and I was just bombing. Bombing. And I was doing Wednesday through Sunday. It's one of those long weeks. It might have been a Tuesday through Sunday, and it's just like a Thursday,

and I'm walking through a hot Target parking lot, and I call Bobby, and I'm like, I'm fucking bombing, dude. This sucks, and I'm intimidated. He's like, eh, you wanted to be a headliner, huh? Well, now you're a headliner, and you're fucking, this is what happens. And then he then he told me he's like it's not a big deal It's not gonna be shit in two years

So just walk through it and then that confidence of him being like over it and be like, yeah, dude, whatever You're working a week. You're gonna do this a lot the rest of your life. You're like, oh fuck All right, it just it was a small comfort. You need those sets. Yeah, they're they're important There's those sets that suck. The humbling ones. They teach you things. The great humblers. When you just come through and just get ear holed. I have some from the 90s I still think about.

I have an open mic. I swear to God, Joe. I have an open mic in Tucson, Arizona at Laughs Comedy Club. I was telling my friend Jesse Campbell about this the other month when I was in Minnesota. I remember everything about the bomb it was a three minute open mic set and I lasted a minute 16 I couldn't even fill my time and it was all premises I was just going up there being like you guys uh you ever go on a date my tv is busted and it's just like I was just

how many times have you done an open mic before that oh months like I was I was an open micer but I was like making

here's the thing this is why I fuck me up I was making progress I was like getting jokes together and then you hit a wall and then just got fucking ear holed

and then you bomb and then it's that thing where you have to go sit with it and just be like, what am I actually doing with my life? You can still smoke inside then, which was cool. I remember those. Just those bombs? Yeah, the bombs where you're like, I think I should quit. Yeah, I had one.

I told this on the bonfire with Jay. We were at, it's like they were at Stand Up New York playing as Comedy Central Presents. It's like 2007 or 8 when Jay got one. And I was like an open mic-er, you know, running around. And I did a check spot in front of Patrice and Jay and bombed so hard that I walked out of the club, called the girl I was dating. It was like, I think I got to quit. I don't know. This is, I don't think this is going.

You did a check spot, meaning there's a spot where they drop the checks. Yeah, so only one spot they do that So in New York, they do a showcase club, you know Just like right store or whatever but they what they do is they do five comics and then a check spot Where everyone pays their bills at the same time? Oh my god And so that's how I got in in New York was I was like no one's coming for this It's not funny that we just assume people can't keep it together when they're paying the bill and they can't but they start talking You know Much is nine bucks for a book and they're like 28 divided by six. Yeah, what is it? Is it 15%?

Yeah, I mean I still do, I still get checks dropped on me in clubs, and you're like, and you're, but that's also what we're talking about, like how bombs are good for you. Yeah. When I was doing a check spot, I learned how to win the room.

I learned how to like, oh I can get them. Also, you also learn like a little bit, phonies and psychos. You learn how to be like politic, and be like, all right, how can I get the least amount of brutal time? be like politic and be like, all right, how can I get the least amount of brutal time? Like how can you? Right, right, right.

Because I don't want to, I mean, dude, it was, you would go up there and be talking to a room that's not paying attention. Yeah. It butt fucks your ego. You get off stage and you're like. It's crazy that they do that for one spot. They're like one spot that's designated that way.

That's not, is that the right way to do it? I don to do it. I don't know but they just have their fucking shit together Well most clubs now like the seller does it after the show you you do the show and then you pay Oh, that's the perfect way to do it. Yeah, but there was like but that was also, you know I could complain about it, but that's how I got my in in New York I was just a glutton for punishment right just took those check spots and this Great comic Mike Britt, who I love to death, I'll never forget, was like, anytime I'm hosting at Stand Up New York,

you can do the check spots. Oh, wow. And I was like, for me, I was like, dude, this is, look at that on a Friday. Yeah, you gotta take it, you gotta take it. And then you would bomb, and you would watch everyone walk out, and there would just be like the other comics, like, you're so good, and they see you,

and they're like, hey. Did you ever have a good one? Did you figure it out? Yeah, I started getting good at it. Was there like a skill? You talk to, by watching guys like Patrice and Big J, I was able to be like, oh, engage with someone and then it spreads.

Because people are naturally curious. So if you're talking and people are laughing, they're like, what's going on? And then you get, you get people's, you learn how to like get the room to listen to you. So it got by the end where it was like, where I started doing real spots, that was funny. I'd go do a bar show where everyone's listening

and I'm like, oh shit, oh shit, everyone's paying attention to me. Everyone's like there to listen to jokes. So it was a very valuable, for two years man just like i'll be at stand-up new york on friday night just fucking bombing bombing dude it's just and then like watching a guy one time there was this dude i'll never forget there's this guy the way stand-up new york was it was like long tables so everyone's like kind of but they turn to watch you. This dude's just looking forward and I'm bombing.

And I'm just like, this fucking guy can't even look at me. And then I see him just do this. And I'm like, he's blind. He's fucking blind. I thought he was just not listening to me. And instead he was like, what's up? And you're like, oh shit, oh shit. And now I'm bombing like it's like a inception bomb.

Right now you're mean. Yeah, and now he can like smell me being like, it fucking sucked. Oh my God. But you had all those coming up. 100%. Would you just get fucking crushed? I did bachelor parties with no microphone. How?

Exactly. How the, bachelor parties? They don't want to see you. They don't want to see me. They want to see women. Yeah, this is a poor choice. You're making one of many poor choices. Dude, whenever there's a bachelor party at a comedy club, you're like, guys, who chose wrong?

Yeah, this is, well, bachelor party at a comedy club is fine. But it can also. That's fine. But a bachelor party where a dude with no microphone is telling jokes and he's been telling jokes for exactly 14 months. Dude, it's like, you know when you describe injuries and your injuries start hurting like oh, I'm like my breaths getting shallow like because how would you? How do you start that show? Do you just go do you clap a lot? Are you like well? It was you know, I was young and dumb at the time. I was like 22. Just you just did it Yeah, I just did it. I was like, let me At the time, I was like 22. You just did it. Yeah.

I just did it. I was like, let me just do it. Here we go. Hey, guys. We're doing a show. Thank you very much. Thanks for hiring me for your show. Good luck with the wedding.

You're going to fucking need it. Everyone's just talking. And then everybody laughs, and you go into some jokes. I'd have to have some joke about marriage or something. Yeah, something to get them all. Something relatable. Traffic sucks. And they're like, it does suck. to get them all. Something relatable. Traffic sucks. And they're like, it does suck.

I like this part. It's not getting here. Yeah. I started in Tucson, and there was casinos around. Oh. And the Desert Diamond Casino would do this show on Monday nights where they pay $100 to open for whoever the headliner was the weekend before would stay around, and it was like a good money gig for them.

And the club asked me, they were like, do you wanna open Monday at the Desert Diamond Casino for Ben Creed? And I was like, fuck yes I do. And they're like, can you do 30 minutes? Yeah, I had six, maybe six. They sent me out, it's a Monday night football. I remember the game, it was the steelers chargers

bar is packed with charger fans because tucson san diego it's not that far from each other end of the monday night football game the chargers miss a field goal and lose to the steelers in a casino where there's probably i don't know if there's betting going on probably the guy the bartender goes around and turns off all of the TVs and just puts the mic on the stand. He goes, there you go. And I had to go out there and be like, hey. What's up with missing field goals? I had nothing.

And I bombed for 30 minutes. But I did my time because I was like, I got to do the 30. They're not going to give me my 100. I was up on this large stage and then I announced Ben Creed and he just walks to the foot of the stage and he's like, give me the microphone. He's like, I'm not getting up on that stage.

And just starts murdering, standing in front of him. And I was like, dude, that walk off the tall stage. I was like, damn dude, I bombed and I look like an idiot. And then I just went and got drunk on the $100 they gave me. I was like, this fucking sucksmed, and I look like an idiot. And then I just went and got drunk on the $100 they gave me. I was like, this fucking sucks. I did this bar gig in Boston, and the first time we did it, they left the television on, and the hockey game was on.

So no one was paying attention to the comedy show. Yeah. And, you know, so we came back, and the booker was like, how was the gig? And I said, well, it's good, except they keep a hockey game on while you're doing stand-up and no one's paying attention and they're all talking and cheering when the game so it's like yeah you're doing stand-up for the few people that are paying attention yeah and they said well that's that's uh not good we're gonna have them take the the tv and shut it off next time we have a comedy show so the next time we have a comedy show there they shut the tv off in the middle of the fucking game yeah and say we're gonna have a live comedy show which was way worse because now people are mad at you and they're not there if they are

there for comedy they're embarrassed that the people are angry that they're there for you know what i mean they're like what the fuck's going on it was just blind boston hockey fan rage like what the fuck for fucking jokes the new england, be very careful what sports overlap with your comedy shows. Right. I was doing Comedy Connection. It was the Patriots and the Ravens on a Saturday night NFL playoff game. And they're like, hey, so there's like five minutes left in the game. We'll just start the show in like 10 minutes.

I was like, I will do less time. We're going to show the end of that game. Cause I'm not having you pull that screen up and have me be like, what's going on in the world? I wanted to watch Tom Brady beat the Ravens. Thank God the Patriots won and the show was great. And I did like 30 minutes. Isn't it crazy though, if the Patriots lost,

the show might have been shittier. Dude. It's a real possibility. It affects, it genuinely affects how people feel. My favorite story of this, of sports affecting it, is I used to open

for Nate Bargetzi. He's one of my best friends. Love that dude. He's one of the funniest human beings. He's one of the best comics working. Yeah, he's great.

But he, I mean we'd do shit gigs together. You know, it's like when your buddy first starts headlining and they're like, they're like, dude,

fucking come open for me. And you're like, absolutely. This is great. You feel like you're stealing money. Right and they're like they're like dude fucking come open for me and you're like absolutely this is great you feel like you're stealing money right you're like dude i'll come open for you this is gonna be great we did this place in erie pennsylvania called junior's last laugh and it's it's a big room it's a real big room and the guy the owner's like saturday's sold out it's a it's a christmas party this was in january he's like it's a real big room and the guy the owners like Saturday's sold out. It's a it's a Christmas party. This was in January He's like it's a Christmas party 550 people Saturday and the rest of the shows are sparse, so we're like this is gonna be the big show It's like working up all weekend

Nate and I go to Buffalo Wild Wings on that Saturday. No, I'm good. I might do more that joint you rip a cigar I'll rip a joint I'm as a former cigarette smoker Cigars make me just want to be like it's too close. Give me a pack of camo. Yeah, it's too close stop dry helping me So we're at we're at the Saturday comes and we're at Buffalo Wild Wings and Nate and I Are watching football and I'm like hey, who's the afternoon game? And he's like, Steelers-Ravens? One of the biggest rivalries in the NFL?

And we're in Steeler country. Erie, Pennsylvania is like Steeler country. Dude, we show up to that show. 500 people. They said 400 are in the bar watching the Steeler game. 100 are in this giant room waiting for comedy. Oh, my God. Everyone bar watching the Steeler game. 100 are in this giant room waiting for comedy. Oh, my God. Everyone's watching the Steeler game.

It's going on. How much more time? The first quarter. Oh, God. It's not going to happen. The game aligns with the show. Oh, no. And I'm featuring.

I get so fucking lucky that my set lines up with halftime. It's halftime. I go up. A lot of them go in the room. They're not that great of a crowd. I finish. Nate goes on. He maybe has five minutes with them in the room.

Second half starts. They flood out. I'm in the room watching Nate because I'm like, dude, this is a memorable show. There's no way I'm never going to forget this show. And Nate is just, he's got his same tone, you know, and he's just, some of the best jokes, he's just fucking saying them. And if he would say a joke, the people in the room would laugh,

and then you'd hear, like out at the bar. Like, and it would just fucking cut through the wall. So they were laughing or they were cheering? Cheering, cheering, like fucking going, because the Steelers won. Right, right, right. And they're like,

and then Nate's like, my wife, you know know I come home late doing comedy, and then you're And I'm sitting there drinking a beer being like dude This is I gotta watch this because this is a memorable Nate's getting fucked right now by the Steelers. It was great It was a very fun thing and now you watch him You know do theaters and shit, but it's interesting that all those people had paid for tickets but the game was so important to them they wanted to watch it right there and then would they rather waste money and stand shoulder to shoulder in a tight bar watching a fucking tiny tv yeah that's why i always think like you know comedy it's it's always you got to be humble you just got to be like dude this we ain't shit for sure This is like if a fucking NFL game can make people waste money

To be like I don't give a shit about this clown not just that though like live Sporting events are really becoming like the best Option for TV. Yeah, because it's the only thing that you have to watch when it's happening. Everything else is streaming now everything streaming Yeah spoilers people take them better now, but sports is like, you can also watch it on your phone. You can just be active in it in a way where you're like, you can watch it.

I would say the NFL is like probably a bigger religion than some religions in this country. Because I know I do. I love the 49ers, and I put it in my calendar to be like, do i love the 49ers and i like put it in my calendar to be like all right the 49ers are playing sunday i can't i gotta be home by this time to watch them play the fucking cardinals you played college ball didn't you no i sucked at football dude you

sucked at football i sucked at athletics you know what i learned i learned that's when i was funny i was like did you play high school yeah i played high school football, and I could run into people fast with my big head. That was it. I didn't know, like, I didn't know fucking schemes. I didn't know anything. I was just like, my friends played football. I loved football. I wanted to be good at it.

One in the cards, dude. Did you ever see the origins of football? No. They invented it to get people's mind off a war. They gave people, like, a war they gave people like a distraction They're like hey, let's do tiny trench wars And then now it's now it crowns people a hundred millionaires with leather helmets on back then too That shit was wild. You know, I think

There's part of me that thinks like uh, the more and more the cte conversation gets brought up and they talk about helmets and stuff Yeah Why don't we go back to face take off the face mask? I wonder if dudes were going to each other's they will definitely some dudes will the problem is the psychos are like psychos I'm already numbed up. I'll run into you full face Look at that that looks like a swim team now Look how small they were did I bet those guys could fuck you know what I mean? I bet they were smaller I bet like now I re but then I bet it they could grab you with that dad strength, and you'd be like shit

Yeah, people were different look at that guy laying on the bottom that guy laying on the bottom right there We're probably run through me like a piece of paper the guy that's doing this playgirl spread that looks like the front cover the best gay porn Look it's the running twinks from 1882. They just could fucking run right through me. This is a college game, Penn. Penn State. It was Penn State in

1901. Penn. Just Penn. Damn, dude. Rocking the stripes, looking like the Hamburglar. So did they play with no helmets back then at all? Oh, look at the top hat. Look at that, that dude if your coach had to wear a top hat like that Matt wouldn't you love to go back in time just watch a practice yeah yeah watch him talk and do you think they had helmets for anything back there besides

war like there wasn't a bicycle helmet oh my god bicycle helmets didn't even drop to the 70s I think I've never had a bicycle home. Yeah, those guys were probably like why you can't restrict your brain or else you go crazy Put anything on your head you go nuts. They don't have like science It's like as soon as they gave people bicycle helmets they started doing flips for real. That's that's what I mean That's what I mean like with the face masks. You're not you take a face mask off I don't know if a dudes gonna get throw his body the way is well, maybe gonna be like it's gonna be like legalizing drugs, there's gonna be a Break-in period yeah where things are gonna get fucked

There's gonna be like a period of transition which is what a fun period to watch fun But with football that could be a real issue like that period of transition where people go for football with pads Yeah to playing football with no pads. Because that's what they should be doing. Anything you could do when you're wearing armor. You're wearing armor. Come on. Well, it gives you like.

Yeah. You know, I think that's why people talk shit online so well. Because it's like you got a mask. You got an armor. You got a distance. Of course. You can just fucking talk that shit. Definitely.

So you can let stuff out. So you're right. It's like you take the armor off Yeah, what's football? It's a weird game. Well Australians do it. Yeah, it's I'm not disparaging football. It's a dope game Oh, it's weird favorite. It's weird in that they they're armored Like if you look at like the way rugby guys, it feels cool. I'm not gonna lie part of the farmer. Yeah Fuck it was like course I sucked at it. So knowing that I'm gonna go get laid out I was still like putting on my pads like this is fucking cool and then just getting

I got used to practice when I was in high school and I was on JV and you'd have to go against varsity and a guy Would just grab you and just be like you're gonna go in the dirt now I just put you in the dirt and hold you there and you're like It's fucking sucks. Like what's funny is Shane was awesome at football. Yeah. And then he showed me a picture and I saw him in his pads and I was like, you would have kicked the shit out of me

every day in practice. You look, he's got helmet face. Yes. Like his face fits perfectly in a helmet. It formed that way. Exactly. My face is so far back, but yet I have a bigger head. Shane's got a trainer now.

I know. Yeah. He's working out. He was puffing up on me. Yeah, he showed me his guns. I was like, dude, those are big. This is my impression of Shane flexing. That's pretty good. The face. He goes, touch me, dude. The face. The mouth. That's pretty good.

I need a good Shane face. But yeah, dude, we were in Nashville together and he's like, I was like, all right. Yeah, no, he's getting buff. I got so soft during COVID. I just ate and sat around and then everyone came back out and I was like, I'm all mushy. It's hard if you live in an apartment, man. If there's lockdowns everywhere

and you live in an apartment and you got no, what are you gonna do? You gonna work out in your kitchen? Yeah, exactly. A lot of people did. So my poor girlfriend has to hear me breathing doing push-ups like Have you ever wanted to let it go have you ever wanted to just be like like fuck sober October do like a lazy January we just don't you don't work out. I'll just get depressed. It won't be it's not good. Okay. That's not smart

It doesn't make any sense to me like that like that won't feel good. Like I don't mind working out Is that just me be it lazy and be like get down in the mud Joe? It's I don't mind effort It's like it's so normal to me like today's I did not want to work out today Yeah But I knew that that's just this thing that you have to go through in the earliest part of the workout to start breaking a Sweat yeah, so I just trudge through the first couple of minutes like I always do. But that voice is always there.

That fuck it voice. My voice is so good at getting me to say fuck it. My voice is like, dude, take a nap. It's a good salesman. I'm like, yeah, you're right, dude, take a nap. Naps rule. It's not good. You don't have to.

Well, also, your body's used to it. Your body's used to those endorphins and shit. It's used to it, and my mind is used to it, maybe even more than my body. That's the most important thing. Yeah. When I have a good cardio workout, especially, nothing fucking bothers me, man. Really? Nothing.

I'm cool. But no matter what, I'm like, we're good. That's a good pitch for working out. There's something to it, man, because you got to – I don't think it just comes from straight exercise. I think it comes from exhaustion, actual exhaustion, and then recovery from that exhaustion. There's like a level of peace and clarity that I only achieve through these brutal workouts. And so I'm not missing that. Because if that was a pill, if my psychiatrist got me on that pill,'d be like dude thank you this is the shit this is the one really oh my

god it's the one all my problems my anxiety it's all out the window now and i'm more loving i'm more friendly i'm more forgiving i'm i'm just i'm i have more clarity do you take days off yeah occasionally yeah i'll take a day off it's not i'm not scared to not like i have to work out every day it's just i know i should work out every day because i take a day off and then i'm like what about two days and then i'm like what about three days off well sometimes i've gone too far and uh i over trained like i'm too exhausted i'm like i went a little nutty and then the next day i'll take two days off i'll take a couple days off and then i'll come back do you love those days?

Because you're just like sometimes I love days off if I can if I earned it Yeah, right if I'm just taking a day off and I say like if we don't have any podcasts and I didn't do anything That day I didn't work out. I didn't I didn't write I didn't do shit. I just laid around the house That's not fun. Oh, is it though? To compare my laziness with yours i'm like i don't know joe i would go as far as to say it is very enjoyable to just lay around but that's kind of what i did during the pandemic and then trying to get back like getting back on the road full time was like a thing where i was like oh shit that was in a way like i was in shape yeah and now I'm out of shape

I was like super I would come home on Sunday and be fucking exhausted Exhausted just being like I did five shows that and now it's back to being nothing but then it was like Mentally, I didn't realize going to the airport travel. Yeah, go to the hotel preparing the sets writing jokes during the day It's also relaxed. It was I missed it. I like, it's great to be back on the road now. And it's great to like go back out and just do stand up and have fun, have every show be fun. Well, you realize what you almost got taken away forever. Dude. It's the most amazing job.

I was laughing about it. It became funny at one point because like my end of 2019, probably the best run I've ever had in my life to the point where I was like, so you were right there I was having so much fun. I was having so much fun My girlfriend and I met started dating that was awesome. The 49ers were in the playoffs my buddy from middle school is coaching them You know, I was having so much fun. I put out an HBO special that I was proud of I was adding shows Everyone's like you got shows. I'm out an HBO special that I was proud of. I was adding shows. Everyone's like, you gotta add shows. I'm used to, I'm 50% Dan, baby.

I'm apologizing to waitresses. I'm saying, I'm sorry you can't make rent month this. You're not rent this month. And so they're like, we gotta add an early show on Thursday. I'm like, this is fucking, what is this? But I didn't have a good act because I turned my special around too quick. And I was like, didn't have an act that I was like proud of, jokes I liked.

And then fucking dude, COVID was like, sit down, bitch. And I was like, all right. And then just stopped doing standup. But that was, I think that's like the lesson I learned from COVID was it slowed me down and I got to retool and be, I don't know, kind of recalibrate in a way. In a way now that I'm having a lot more fun. That's great. It's like you need a reassessment sometimes

because a lot of times we operate on momentum. Yeah. You're just going and going and going, but you're not thinking about like, hmm, is this, what am I doing? Yeah, you're not taking the steps to be like, is this good? I also think in like our modern culture,

it's so pushed undefeated. All I do is win. It's like, motherfucker, you're boring if you just win. The best is learning from a loss. And I think that's why sports, I think it's important if you're good and shitty. I was shitty at it, but dude. You got a lot out of it. I learned a lot about humility.

I learned a lot about, you ain't shit. Dude, I lost a Pop Warner football game 116 to zero. Whoa. That, when you're a kid, when you're 11 and you're like losing like 84 to nothing, you're like, hey guys, I got the lesson. Can we stop? And then like that drive home with my mom where she's like, whew, y'all took a beating. She can't even hide it.

She can't even hide it. She's like she's like shit man you got the fucking dick knocked off you you gotta experience loss yeah and it's i think that's always like uh people that are afraid of it push the other agenda where they're like all i do is win you're weak if you lose and you're like i think you're afraid to lose you can't be afraid to lose yeah you can't it's that's it means you're trying to grow and trying to step up to another level. You're trying to figure things out. It's a risk. You're trying to do something you're not perfect at yet.

Yeah. You're trying to get better. Yeah. I used to be so ashamed. Like, you want to talk about working out? I used to be, like, so – when I was in my 20s and I'd go to the gym and I'd be doing just dumbbell press and be like – like that. But I'm at a Gold's gym in Tucson at like fucking

2 p.m. No one's there. But the guys that are there that are big and working out I'm immediately like dude I look like such an asshole. And it would deter me from coming back. Because I'd be like I look dumb. But then the older you get you're like you look dumb for a little bit. And then you get better at it. And you get better. It's like check spots.

Yeah. It was like I looked like an asshole in front of Patrice and Big J on that premiere But then you just keep doing it and doing it and doing it I think the problem with a lot of people also is that they have one thing So if you have one thing that you're learning and you're trying to get good at you suck that means you suck Right, but if you have another thing you do that You're good if you're putting all of it into that like say if you're trying to do stand-up But you're also a professional chess player like a really good chess player So you really you know how to get really good at something yeah, and so stand up you suck

But you're like yeah, but uh it's a process because I'm fucking good at this chest thing And I think I'm gonna be good at stand-up, too It's complicated and it's difficult, but I'm gonna figure it out, but I've never done anything before It's complicated and it's difficult, but I'm gonna figure it out, but I've never done anything before That's the the early days of stand-up are the most dangerous times for a depressed person's life Because you're the reason why you're getting into stand-up in the first place validation Yeah, most likely mommy and daddy weren't fucking hanging around so often if you're good if you're good And so these kids are already or these people are already kind fucked. And then the thing they're trying to do is just crushing their self-esteem. Like you've never felt before.

I always say that bombing is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother. But the problem is there's a guy out there that would like sucking a thousand dicks in front of his mom. He's like, this is what I do, mom. You don't love me. Number 99, mommy. Look at your baby just sucking them down. Yeah. It is, you would see,

what was funny about doing stand-up in New York in the open mic scene is, I started in Tucson where they kind of aided the open mic. They would put it in front of a real show, so you'd get crowds. Yeah. And then you go to New York and you're like, this is the barren wasteland. You're seeing mentally ill people

Like Tim Dillon is the best example Tim Dillon's from Long Island or whatever He could have started in that Long Island scene and stayed out there and bent him Dylan But he showed up and was like I got to get out of there They're worse than the people here and you just saw him trip and you would see people that you're like this guy's really funny He'll be alright and you kind of got to grab each other in that moment and be like yeah We're gonna get through this storm. Yes Like that was like potatoes in the basement that was like me list Nate Norman when we were coming up in New York We're like guys. This is fucking awful, but we're doing it and booze helps

Yeah, who's helps me like let's go get beers and laugh about this shit and be dumb, you know? Yeah. And it really, because you're right, because if you don't have that and you're like, you're bomb. Well, you guys have a good camaraderie

in New York now. There wasn't a good camaraderie in New York in the 90s. Oh, man. Everybody had the TV mentality. Everybody's trying to get TV shows and if you and I were auditioning for the same television show,

we'd fucking both hate each other. like god dad soda got that fucking part Yeah, guys playing fucking coffee neighbor fuck you Did you guys ever do it with like did you guys ever do it like catchphrase commercials? He's like he's the fucking come and see me guy now fuck him that fucking prick guys not even funny That was the thing in the 90s and the guys that are coming up today They don't have that attitude anymore Everybody does everybody's podcast. So it's a healthier. Hey, check this guy out. I really care about well. That's what's interesting I love

talking to like guys that have been around because History repeats itself and you've been in comedy where you've watched the crash the 90s guys People don't realize about this about the mid 90s Early to early 2000 com comics you guys were doing it for nobody no one gave a fuck about comedy They did in certain places, but you look at the store You look at the cellar Louie put up this old video of him at the cellar from like 2001 There's no one there There's like 15 people and they're just running a show all night being like

whoever comes in they stay until they want to leave we put up as many comics as we can and now they're like good luck getting a reservation two weeks before that's like a it's like a hot ticket so i try to tell my friends i'm like guys just be aware that that might be coming back there might be we might have reached a point in comedy and i think no you don't think that's you don't think that you think it's close really the opposite it's the opposite you think it's still going up it's the most fun thing to go see it is very fun and it's live it's one of the rare live things but you don't think podcasting specifically podcasting started showing people too many people how the sausage is made no fuck the sausage

Who gives a shit? Good jokes. I know how the sausage is made. I still laugh still love sausage I fucking love sausage when when Tim Dillon like I hadn't seen him in like six months And I went to see him at the Vulcan yeah, he fucking murdered you want to talk about know the sausage I know that guy inside now everything about him. He's a fucking great guy. I'm friends with them. Yeah, hang with them. We talk shit together privately We text message we send memes to each other, but you still I still laughed hard as fuck You can't know the sausage anymore than like the way I know Joey Diaz or the way I know Yeah, there's no I mean I feel that way about you know, Nate and Big Jay and Shane. You still laugh though, right?

My god, my favorite great comedy is fun, man. It's not going anywhere. You can't think like this. I love- These people, you're a doom and gloom guy. Oh, I mean, I'm trying to pull out of it. Yeah, don't do that. I'm not a doom and gloom guy.

But I'm also trying to pull out of that because I think that was most of my life being like other shoes coming, win, constantly in everything, every relationship, everything it was like because probably of how I grew up and shit that happened to me when I was a teenager,

I was probably like, yeah, it's doom and gloom. If something, exact example, when I talked to you about 2019, I felt when COVID happened, there was a part of me that was like, I was due. You were due for a fall. I was like, that was too many cool shit. That was too much good shit. So I think that's also why, I also also think every comedian if you're a professional comedian

You should be in therapy or have a form of therapy because that's like a sports trainer Helping help so you don't blow your knees out. Yeah, you just will you also like to process shit, right? I've been able to look at like you saying I'm a doom and gloom guy. Yeah, 15 years ago I'd be like I saying I'm a doom and gloom guy, 15 years ago, I'd be like, fuck, I knew, fuck, that's turning. But now, because I know myself, I'm like, yeah, no, I am. Straight up, I am. But I'm also trying to change that actively because then the more I change that, the more I can enjoy shit. Well, the reality is no one knows what's going to happen in the future.

Right? Anything can happen. And the real dark, dystopian, fucking dangerous future involves war and natural disasters. Yes. Those are the real scenarios that can wipe out everything. Yes. But if culture remains consistent, and it stays

the way it is right now, with access to the internet that people have today, comedy's not going anywhere. It's the most fun thing. Which is great. Listen, that's what I want. Let it go. Okay, cool. We're gonna be fine I'm in the middle of opening up a club to I'm gonna like this joint right now Just have you know have a little fun. Let's do it But no, it's not going anywhere. It's the best time for comedy. I can ever recall

Paramount last night. Yeah, I got to do I got my stove. Oh my god dope dope theater. I'm trying to work that I tried Cool people working there, too I tried to film my Comedy Central our special there 2015 because I loved it I opened for Hannibal there at Moon Tower, and I was like that's the It's the best set I've ever had it was the most fun on stage And I was like I want to do my hour special there and Comedy Central was like You can't do that many people or that I had to look at it and be like All right again comedy humbled me.

They're like, all right, go to a fucking rock club, idiot. So being able to do it last night meant a lot. It's a dope spot. I had Adrian Iappolucci there. It was Josh Adam Myers. It was fun, man. Look at you, pal.

Dude, it was like, that's why I hope comedy stays around because it's the best. It's not going anywhere, man. Or we're fucked. If it's the last, like when COVID hit and uh they closed down everything and clubs shut down and they locked down there was two weeks to flatten

the curve those days there was a moment when two weeks became a month and you know all the fear mongering was being ramped up on television that i was like okay i have to accept this new world and in this new world comedy's gone yeah okay i had a to accept this new world. And in this new world, comedy's gone. Okay, I had a great time. And I just let it go. And then I thought, okay, now I just have to want, if this gets worse, I have to think about where I'm living. And I have to think about survival. Like you have to really think about actual real survival.

The real shit. Not like you're fucking LARPing for a movie or you're doing a survival show where you're canning peaches. No. Large swaths of people could die if you make the wrong choice. It could be you. Yeah. Okay. And that's how I felt. And then when I realized it wasn't that, then I was like, why can't I do comedy?

Yeah. And then I was like, this seems weird. I think I honestly went through a very similar thing because But what it did for me when I got to come back to do a weekend I remember doing a weekend at st. Louis in st. Louis helium And it was like the first time I'd done it fucking nine weeks, and I was like it's like kissing a child Let me hold your face. It was just like we did drop the checks I was like yes drop the checks everyone do math everyone do math in front of me. We did

The Houston improv in July of 2020 and it was a little early. We were like fuck it. Let's just do a weekend We'll play it safe. We get tested. Yeah, we'll go there. We'll be smart. We'll stay away from everybody we won't you know won't go to crowded places and so we We'll be smart. We'll stay away from everybody. We won't you know won't go to crowded places and so we We did it and then I got super duper high when I got back home, and I thought oh my god What if I caught something and what if I give it to somebody and they die? That is so they die because I wanted to do stand-up. That's such a specific feeling mm-hmm To the T that I know exactly how you feel Cuz you get back and you go

Fuck I got what if? Super high, dude. Super duper. We don't do that to you. You'll have a great conversation with someone, right? Yeah. And then you'll leave and you'll get high and you'll be like,

was I a fucking asshole? What did I say? Was I a fucking dickhead? I wasn't even thinking about what we were talking about. We were just in Nashville and we went over to Nate's for breakfast at his house And I left and I got high got real high my hotel room and I was like did I not thank his wife for breakfast Dan didn't even thank you for breakfast we got him eggs and bacon and he ain't even gonna say thank you and I was like

Oh, I was just in my hotel room like, did I fuck that up? But doesn't it always like make you paranoid that you weren't a better person? Because it's like weed wants you to be nice. Yes. Weed wants you to be a better person. That's my favorite. It really does. One of my favorite old Bill Hicks jokes where he's like, it's impossible to start a fight on weed.

And he goes, hey, buddy. Hey. Hey, man. It is. It's like I. It's possible, by the way. Mike Tyson fought Roy Jones Jr. high as fuck. Really?

Yeah, Mike's high all day. He doesn't give a fuck. But for that specific, he like went and got fucking. He gets high. He didn't change what he does. Do you think that for fighters, loosens them up? Like just like. I think for Mike it's great.

Because Mike makes him calmer. Do you know how quickly he would have killed that guy if he wasn't high all the time? For real. That's how annoying that dude was. That high Mike Tyson smacked him. Yeah, you got a fucking mellow Mike beating on you. Yeah, that's it. You're a real dickhead.

He's the most mellow. He's very honest and introspective. I love talking to him man he knows a lot of shit too he said the wisest thing I've ever heard in my life I was on Opie and Anthony right after Anthony got fired

Opie was bringing in different comics just hanging out and it was like me Opie and Jim and Mike Tyson came in and he looks at he knows them so he says what's up to Opie and Jim and he goes, who the fuck are you? And I was like, oh! Immediately in my head I'm like, oh fuck. And then as the show goes on,

he loosens up and loosens up and somehow Jim and I like bring something up about comedy. And I'm like, it always sucks when you're having a great set and you see a couple people that aren't enjoying it at all, which is normal, but it always kind of fucks with me. And Mike Tyson looks at me, he's like, I felt the same way when I used to walk to the ring and I'd see one guy booing me.

And I'm like, what did I do to you? Why are you booing me? And then Mike Tyson said the smartest thing I've ever heard in my life. He goes, it's a scary neighborhood up here and you're all by yourself. And I was like, he said that, I go, yeah, Mike Tyson? That was fucking awesome.

I walked out of that like, I got fucking sage advice from the baddest man on the planet. That's a great piece of advice, too. Because he's right. It's a scary neighborhood up here, and you're all by yourself. And you're like, damn, dude. Yeah, you never think about,

you want to talk about doom and gloom. It's like, that's exactly what it is. But that is, you live and die in your mind in a lot of ways Really more because like I was talking about how like recalibrating and stuff I got I really tried to focus on like calming down having fun Yeah, I love watching comics where you just know they're actually having fun. Yeah. Oh, yeah for sure Yeah, you watch guys because you can watch guys that are up there and you're like that guy's doing his act Oh, yeah, for sure.

Where you watch guys, because you can watch guys that are up there, and you're like, that guy's doing his act. Right. You can see guys that you're like. Doesn't it suck when it's you? Dude. When you feel it? When you feel that you're just doing your act, like, oh, no. Yeah.

It's a thing that I've been really actively trying to be like, don't just fucking do your jokes, because you're going at 50% when you're doing that. Well, comedy is so strange. And for people who don't understand what it is, it seems like we're just talking, right? That's why it's so weird. Because everybody just talks. And everybody's funny.

Most people have said funny things. I know a lot of my friends have said funny things, but they've never gone on stage. I know funnier people in conversation that have never done comedy. But my point is, almost everybody has said something funny and made me laugh, and I'm a professional comedian.

I'm like, ah, that's hilarious. There's a giant difference between that and comedy. And the difference is that comedy is like a state of mind that you achieve in sync with the audience, where it's almost like mass hypnosis. And the audience is like, when someone's a great comic, like if Chris Rock's on stage, I give in to their thinking.

I just go like, tell me what's going down. And so I'm not saying, what would I have done? Or that doesn't seem wise. Yeah, you're following their thought process. I'm thinking like them. I'm on their frequency. They take you on a frequency. And when they capture you and they're killing, you're thinking like they're thinking.

And it's amazing. Yeah, it's different capture you and they're killing you're thinking like they're thinking and it's amazing. Yeah, it's that's it's different than people think it is it's fun to watch like a Louie or Bill Burr and you sit in the back and you watch and they just like how fast Yeah, calm and slow they're able to be like boom got you here. We go. Yeah, like I call in Quinn's new hour I was fucking amazing. Yeah, like I call in Quinn's new hour. I was fucking amazing. Yeah, that's Colin is the one of the most underrated comedians of all time because he's so fucking good I might say he's my top guy him and a tell they're like it's I think like Colin Quinn and Dave Attell are

the Pillars of New York City come I would agree. I would agree. They're both amazing I think from Colin and Dave you get all the rest of yeah, Dave is another one like you must see him He's near you. He's a he's a master at all like one of the highest levels. You'll ever see you stand up He's that good, but just so tight and so great. It's just polished professional man He's just so good, but Colin has you know, you're talking about like being on their frequency Like when you yeah When you go watch it and like you can go watch a New York story on Netflix where he explains all the races and and people

Coming over to New York right, but when you get in his mindset, you're like dude. This is so good. It's so yeah It's got its D. I don't that's funny. You're thinking like him. He's taking you on a thought journey You lock into his frequency I went out and like got tickets like went and saw a show and you know you like you become deadened for comedy I do it long enough. You're like yeah, this is again. You're like. I'll go down to the butcher and get you some sausage It's still good, but like to go out have it like yeah, and to watch that new hour and again I know Colin when I was excited to see that hour and be like damn, dude He's got this bit this bit you want to leave being like, fuck, I got to go get better.

That's the beautiful thing about inspiration. You know, when you see someone who's really good, it actually gives you energy. It, like, fuels you. I saw Colin. I was one of the guests on, what was his fucking, Tough Crowd. Yeah. I was one of the guests on Tough Crowd.

But the best part of the show was Colin doing stand-up to the audience. So Colin. He did his own warm-up so colin he did his own warm-up i mean i don't know if he did it all the time but he definitely did it the time i saw him yeah so he goes out there i don't remember if there was another comedian if somebody warmed it up and then brought up colin i don't remember but i remember colin casually walking around the set fucking murdering i mean murdering yeah to the point where i was like oh my god this This is so tight this stuff so good Yeah, it's like goddamn like this sucks like the what we're doing is funny, but it's not as funny as this Yeah, like we're like the audience is seeing a thing. That's better than this guy is known for being famous for yeah I mean everybody knew he was a funny comic

But I'm telling like the act was so like, this guy should be filling stadiums. It's that good. That's a great way of putting it, because you see these jokes. He has throwaway lines, and same with the tell. These throwaway jokes that you're like, dude, you know how many comics would fucking kill for that? Back in 2008, when it was McCain and Obama,

I saw Colin at the Cellar just have this throwaway line where he's like, eh, John McCain really smiles like a father That's about to become violent That's so funny So and then in 2016 he said like it's fucking delivery. Yeah, and he's like he's like Hillary her campaign speeches have the authenticity of a lap dance and It's like these jokes that just are so in time. But when you see it live. Ah, it's the best.

See, I want to be real clear about this, because he was a great host of Tough Crowd, and it was a great show. It was very funny. Yeah, I think it inspired my entire generation. His stand-up that night was so funny that I was like, why aren't they just showing that? Yeah, put that on. Put that on. I mean, and then, you know, what I loved is seeing Colin living in New York. You get to, like, watch him workshop it, right?

But I don't do that. When I see, like, Colin will do it at the Fat Black Pussycat, he'll run it on Monday nights. Like, he'll build his new hour. And I, like, wait. And I kind of am like, how far, like, I'll see him. And I'll be like, how far along? You know, he's like, ah, it's getting there. And then you, like, kind of wait.

And then, because then you go see it and it's like, this is worth the wait. This is incredible. Just, it's like this is worth the wait. This is yeah, this is incredible Just it's fun. I love I still have that thing about comedy where I love watching it Like I love watching really good comedy. You're never gonna lose it. You're not dumb. Yeah, it's fun It's the reason why you got into it in the first place is because you liked watching comedy Yeah, it was like dude when I moved to New York that feeling of going Did you have that when you did boss, LA? But Boston was big. You guys were a, that was a big comedy city.

It was a good scene. Yeah. It was a super lucky scene. Like when I came along in 1988 is when I started, August 27th, 1988. We all have our launch date. Yeah, we all have our launch date. There was five clubs in this one small area. Yeah.

There's a great, I watched that documentary when standup stood out. It's a great documentary. Great. Yeah. Fran Salamita made it. He's a great. I watched that documentary when stand-up stood out great documentary great. Yeah, fran Salamita made it he's a guy who's from that area so he knew the whole story and he got great footage And it was a really special time, but that was before me honestly I rode the wave after those guys okay those guys like the Lenny Clark and the Steve Sweeney's they were murderers But when I was an open mic er they were headliners They were like the previous generation

and they were as good as anybody in the country man when i moved to new york and became friends with joe list he's like the prince of boston so he was like giving me so much fucking propaganda films it's like fucking boston's the best everyone's goods from boston he always we get drunk he'd say that but he would show that documentary and I saw a documentary. I was like man that's such a What a great scene to start in because you're seeing Tried and true killers and also like you're amongst a lot of other good do what they weren't it's it's Understating I'm telling you they were the best comics in the world. Yeah, they were that good the the audience is in Boston Especially like in the the 80s and the early 90s. They didn't have room for any bullshit

Yeah, these guys were rapid-fire punchline machines. Yeah, there was some of the best comics in the world But a lot of their comedy was like local comedy and a lot of their comedy was about like local stuff Always can bury you and it didn't work on the road at all you. And it didn't work on the road at all. Yeah. It didn't work on the road at all. You do Boston jokes in LA, they don't give a fuck about you. They don't give a fuck about what you're saying.

I love it. You don't get all the juice that's attached. See, if you're doing a local joke, just extra juice that's attached to that subject, because everybody knows what you're talking about. That is. It's a thing. That's what Tim Dillon and I jokingly refer to as the Long Island trap

You got there to work and you got a guy who's like real big in Long Island He's like guess what I'm throwing out three Ron Conkamos and I'm burying you Baring your bitch-ass city boy Cuz then you go up there and you're like you look almost disrespectful you're like, I don't I don't know I don't know what your fucking people do here. And they're like, you don't know Ron Conklin? Oh, bro. First off, I'm from out from Long Beach.

And that's just fucking bullshit, bro. It's siocin. And you're like, oh, fuck. I don't know, dude. They get really vocal. Dude, I used to fucking, I would bring, Tim would feature for me. But I would take him to Long Island.

And he'd be like, why do I got to go to Long Island? You take Gary Vee to Denver, but you take me to Long Island? So I took him to Comedy Works. This was right before he started headlining. I was like, dude, come to Comedy Works. It was amazing, but he was the Long Island whisperer. He would take him out there. He would fucking shout him down like a lion tamer, and then you'd go up and be like, I'm going to do my act.

That's awesome. He'd clear the brush in Long Island. He'd be like, down like a lion tamer and then you go up and be like I'm gonna do my that's awesome You'd be the key clear the brush And that's also like When I go on the road with Shane you would see like him and like an Albany or like a fucking Boston He's just good luck. Good. I'm following him. Yeah, good luck following Shane anywhere I mean now I'm Shane that I'm sorry he's coming up thing when he closes with this Trump impression and he can do it He does it to a tee. I'm telling you right now funny jokes I don't want to give it away

but his Navy SEALs bit and his George Washington bit are things that you watch as a comic and you walk away and you're like He's great. That's the thing. That's what I love about Norman's got jokes like that I'll watch Norman or Sam Morrill Sam Morrill you'll see him do a new 15 minutes and you're like

what the fuck dude I thought well who's doing all this work I thought we were gonna work at the same pace stop it I have one new tag

from a bit I've been doing for six months and he comes in with a fully and that's what's fun is to come up with those guys then Become like contemporaries with him where you're like damn, dude

I love seeing his new shit or just you know, people do jokes really like Yeah, well that's what's inspirational about those places like if you're in New York I guess it's like the cellar and the stand is the store in LA and when you when you can be around and in Boston It was Nick's Comedy Stop and Stitches. Those were the two clubs that I got to see all these Boston legends. Yeah, I got to do Nick's coming up. Nick's was great.

Nick's would, when I was coming up, it was in a dance club. Oh yeah, downstairs it was a dance club. And they would boot you, no matter what, the show had to be over at nine because they had to turn it into a dance club. Oh. You go from feeling so cool as a comedian

to being in the way instantly. What year was this? 2007 through 2011. Oh, wow. So it was like, you know. So the upstairs was a dance club? It was like, it was a- They converted the upstairs to a dance club?

Yeah, it was down in the theater district and it was- Oh, no, I worked there a ton of times. So the big stairs, you go upstairs to the big stairs and then out was like it was the in the sunken middle was was where the audience would sit and you would be all the way against the back wall with the bar behind right exactly at nine o'clock wow cut the mic everybody out they just grab all the tables and chairs and it becomes a dance club like get the fuck out of here and you know first time i'm like one of the first times working and i have like a good set and i'm like hey get the fuck out of here. And you know, first time I'm like, one of the first times working in it, I have like

a good set and I'm like, hey, let me get another shot. And the guy's like, get the fuck out of here. And you're like, just a second ago? You were comping me drinks a second ago. And they're like, get out of here. And then all the Boston guys know. So like Joe List or Dan Bolger or Tom Dustin's like, come on, we got to fucking go. And you're like, shit.

It just goes from being like special to being like you fucking vagrant they used to have three comedy rooms simultaneously running in that club i mean yeah that's what's crazy it was the upstairs that was the like the regular club and then they had a smaller room that was downstairs and then they had this gigantic fucking like disco they only did the disco a few times i wonder if the disco was where that's the downstairs okay yeah we didn't do that it was a gay club it was like a gay nightclub and I think they went under or they maybe they became a gay club again but uh it was like a guy's hookup joint yeah and so they will really want you out of there they're like get the fuck out of here I don't remember like when Nick's had it if there was

like a like maybe someone lost a lease or something and they they had it for a little while but during the comedy the point is that during the comedy boom, it was so great that they were running simultaneous shows with all these killers, and they were just sold out all the time. So they were running these shows where you'd have Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, just boom, boom, boom. Mike Donovan. These guys were murderers, man. Don Gavin was a fucking murderer. Steve Sweeney was a murderer and then you're also even you you didn't want to be in the room

you would get hypnotized right and you would think that you're about to die going on after those guys like there was no one's gonna survive this there's that scene and when stand-up stood out when Lenny Clark talks about like I open stitches I went down to Nick's close that open that show and he's like talking about all the money

in the blow and everything. You're like, look at that. That's amazing. Fucking go. Lenny's the best. The Cellar got, you know, they're working like four rooms where you go do the Fat Black. And then you can go do the Village Underground, walk around the corner, do the original room. And it's like the store had that with the belly room. And it's like when you're in a comedy club and there's three rooms working, you're like, this is fucking cool.

Yeah. This is cool, especially if you're a regular at the club you can jump on in a couple shows yeah the store was always awesome like that because there was belly room shows you could do yeah the or the main room yeah that's when i when i whenever i visited because i haven't spent a lot of time in la i noticed that the store really is almost built for that like the way the hallway all converges and you're like that room that room that room but uh the cellar was great Because once you know the cellar was just that small room and then they open the village underground And then boom go up top and then you could just go and be like I got four spots to stand They had one room, and then they moved to a new place with two rooms. You're like this is great. Did you ever read any Malcolm?

Gladwell you have to ever read Outliers? I know, but I did read Blink. Did I say Gladwell? How did I say it? I think you got it. That's how high I am. I'm not sure if I said his name right. No, I think you got it.

Malcolm Gladwell. Yeah, Outliers is fucking incredible. And they talk about the Beatles. And the Beatles, when they were in Germany, when they were playing eight hours a day. Yeah. They were just playing constantly. Nonstop. And they came back to England afterwards, and they were playing eight hours a day Yeah They were just playing constantly non-stop and they came back to England afterwards and they were just a way better band They were way better. What's it's you know his theories the 10,000 hours, but it's just it's there's a great book called Talent is overrated and what the guy does is he basically builds off he builds with Gladwell's theory to be like

Time is very important, but applied practice is more important. So making your shortcomings strong, you know, he gives examples of like violinists pianists like chess players like people that have to do repetitions and he talks about Jerry Rice on the 49ers and about how he would do like those hand clamps you just walk around with the hand clamps and people are like What are you doing? He said I'm strengthening my hands so that when a ball gets thrown I have stronger hands than the guy trying to take it from me So he would work meticulously Tiger Woods with his backswing his dad would hit a horse a fought like hit him with an air horn So now when it happens, it's just all natural. It's a great book because the guy really says if you spend 45 minutes a day

It's a great book because the guy really says if you spend 45 minutes a day Working on applied practice and like making your shortcomings your strengths. That's how you build everything up Yeah, like all together you just raise the whole thing people. It's just hard to get going Yeah, once you get absolutely once you get good habits and good practices. It feels normal to keep them up It's just hard to get going I mean that's almost exactly what we're talking about with the road where it's like I got into doing that Yeah, and like working that yeah, and then when it went away, and I came back. I was like fuck dude I gotta yeah back up get back up to getting that energy. It's um Comedy is a strange thing man because you're you're never done with it here. It's never like oh, yeah, it changes

Yeah, I would imagine if you play guitar, I don't know, I'm just guessing, but imagine you get to a level. Like, can Gary Clark Jr. get better? He can't get better. I think he can do new stuff, and I think he can, like... Right, he's going to create new songs, but he's not going to get better at playing the actual guitar.

You're saying, like, the actual hitting chords? Is it possible? Probably. I wonder what Clapton thinks about shit like that because he's been like. I mean it makes sense, you get better at everything, right? Yeah, so I'm sure there's like ways Keith Richards plays now that he didn't in the 70s or 80s.

There's a thing about guitar, and I don't know jack shit about music. Yeah, me either. I'm just gonna say this right away. But certain people when they play it, I know it's them. You know what I'm saying? They're like Stevie Ray Vaughan, classic example. Like you hear Stevie Ray Vaughan play guitar

and you're pretty sure that's Stevie Ray Vaughan. Jimi Hendrix, you hear like. Gary Clark, Gary Clark Jr., same thing. Like you hear him play. Like they did a cover of Midnight Rider. It was Honey Honey and Gary Clark Jr. They did an impromptu cover, so impromptu that Suzanne from Honey Honey is reading the lyrics off her phone.

She had to Google the lyrics right before they sang the song. Yeah. So she gets the lyrics on her phone. She's singing Midnight Rider, and Gary Clark Jr. is playing guitar, but he did it like a Gary Clark Jr. version of Midnight Rider. Immediately on the spot. Oh, shit. Immediately.

Yeah. Yeah. That's some crazy shit when someone can make it theirs almost instantaneously and kind of put that like um you know dude is that still up that's on my instagram right you need to see this i put a little video of it on the instagram you need to see it because it's like so indicative of what we're talking about it's like when he starts playing it, you fucking know that's him. If you, if you, if someone played that for you and said, who is this?

Yeah. You'd be like Gary Clark Jr. Yeah. Like, and it, but it's a guitar. With someone like him, who's just like from the,

from a very young age, incredible at a thing, incredible at an instrument. Right. What do you think the coolest phase of that is? Like as you're getting better, what do you think the coolest, like if you could cut a slice of cake out of that?

I think it's probably the early days. Like, when you're like this, where you're like, oh, I can go like this? Yeah, I think the early days. Like, I can go like that. You know that? When you first started getting really good, it was probably the most magical.

But I bet it would be awesome to be this, though. Listen to this shit, man. Oh, I'm not gonna let him catch me now. Come on, son. Yeah. This is Midnight on, son. Yeah. This is Midnight on a Tuesday. Right? I mean, you know who that is.

Have you heard that? I said, yeah. No. If you heard that, you'd be like, that's Gary Clark. I'm saying, like, I've never heard this, and it's immediately. It's fucking incredible, dude. Dude, it's one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. But how goddamn good is he?

You also watch it, and I know exactly. He's just so fucking cool, too. Like, look at him up there with the hat and the leather jacket. I just, I think of myself missing and being like, check. Check. with the hat and the jacket. I think of myself missing and being like, check, check. Goddamn, that's good. So I think what you were saying, can he get better?

I think he takes more risks now because he knows he can land them. You know? Like trying to do that or soloing on that, the ability to solo, I'm just riffing or whatever, has got to be like, when you're that good, it's like dunking in the NBA.

You're like, you want to see some crazy shit? And you can try, and you probably have more momentum to try that. Well, I know Gary, and he is super dedicated to music. It's another thing. It's like you don't get to be like that. He's constantly in the studio. He's constantly practicing. It has to be like that. Yeah, he's constantly in the studio. He's constantly practicing It has to be an obsession constantly. I mean he's as famous as he is for music. The guy's all in he it's uh, You don't get that good without that. Yeah, you have talent for sure

There's people that are just genius ly creative through whatever weird quirk of their personality. They're really creative Yeah, they're bent right but when you get to like a certain level of, like a Dave Attell, like a certain level of proficiency, you only get that way through work. Dave is constantly working. Yeah, he's running jokes. Constantly.

I remember after, I think it was after like the Boston Marathon bombing. I was outside smoking a cigarette at the cellar and Attell walked up and he's like, how many bombing jokes do you have? And I was like, none. And he's like, come on. And I was like, none. And he's like, I've got four. And he walked downstairs and he's like how many bombing jokes do you have and I was like none and he's like come on And I was like none and he's like I've got four

Do my favorite David tell story is he loves to run? Bits to see if anyone else is doing them because that you know that's how originally is he's like I want to make sure no one else is doing this joke So he'll call comics and then be like have you heard this premise? Have you heard anyone use this premise? Right. So I lived with Mike Vecchione for 10 years. Mike Vecchione, one of the best comics in New York, just absolutely hilarious.

And Attell would call Vecchione, because they're buddies, and just talk. But he'd run jokes. Oh, wow. So one time I'm in San Francisco, and Vecchione calls me. He goes, hey, I'm busy. Attell's going to call you to run bits.

And it was like cold water breathing. You're goes, hey, I'm busy. Attell's going to call you to run bits. And it was like cold water breathing. You're like, okay. Okay, cool. Fucking yeah. Have him call me. Have him call me. And I get, it's a block number, and I pick it up, you know, and I'm like, hello? And he's like, Dan, Dave Attell.

Have you ever heard anybody do this joke? Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Fucking 20 of them. And I go, actually, you you know for the serial one you could take us not looking for tags yeah I haven't heard anybody do that he goes okay thank you and hung up and I was like oh fuck dude oh fuck I tried to give David a tag I'm a fucking idiot and I called Vicky own like like an emergency like dude is he gonna be mad at me and he's like no just he might not ever call you again It's just one of those things you don't know what to say. Yeah, it's a it's like yeah

It's like Gary Clark jr. Being like does this a sound right like what's like? Your friend called you and told you a bit you'd offer him a tag. So you just did what you normally would do That's what I did if Vecchione would call me Did what you normally would do that's what I did if Becky own would call me In the way a tell talks him just going not looking for tags I was like I was like I'm surprised didn't crush my phone my god. Yeah, I was mortified And then he called me again, and I knew Like you don't need to get taught that lesson twice the second time he called me I was just like nope haven't heard anybody do that. He's like okay

taught that lesson twice the second time he called me I was just like nope I don't anybody do that he's like okay okay all right reliable source again he hangs up I'm like I put my phone down I'm paranoid yeah he it's um cuz like when your friends call me like hey I do this you'd be like uh you know what about this say this right I gotta tell a guy that's done the 10,000 also they're probably great bits Oh, man, never he never has duds now very rare that one doesn't maybe if it's like trying to figure it out still Yeah, and it's also if he goes on stage at the cellar He's like Miles Davis like if you kind of know he's gonna come in sideways

You're like this is gonna be interesting if he's wearing his black leather gloves and his hat and he's drinking his coffee It's gonna be a weird set. I knew drinking Dave. I talked to Jay about that on the bonfire. I'm obsessed with that because Jay opened for Dave while he was drinking and then right after he stopped drinking. Well, he's one of the best examples of a guy who got way better when he stopped drinking. He got way better.

I mean, he was always great. He was always a very funny comic. But he was doing that show, that late, what the fuck was that film? Insomniac. Insomniac, that's right. That show was doing him in, because he was getting hammered with people all over the place, and he was showing up at bars

and drinking, and it was part of the gig of the show. He was part of the show. He would show up, drink with people, and then he would go out and like fucking shoot nutrias with you know I remember that when he went down to New Orleans and they shot all those rats. Yeah, those John their nutrias They're ever seen one was in real life. You're like what the fuck they're invasive. They're a giant invasive rodent. I think it's from from Asia or Europe Where's a nutria from I don't know maybe I might even be South American

where's a nutria from i don't know maybe it might even be south american but they're fucking giant dude like this big like a small dog like the rats in princess bride oh bigger let me see if you could get what a nutria looks like i think they get to like 40 or 50 pounds i just remember dave shooting at him in an insomniac yeah he like did he killed at a club and then went out and did they hunt them they have to go out at night and hunt Them you say they're invasive somebody brought him over here, and they started fucking oh I thought you meant like they bust into your house and shit No, they're like wild pigs wild pigs are also an invasive species They're they're not native to North America the guy doing that gotta have a smirk the whole time

He's like I'm bringing over some shit. They didn't know what they were doing back I'll say it like you bring those kind of rats over here and you guys want to see some crazy shit Gotta have a smirk the whole time. He's like I'm bringing over some shit They didn't know what they were doing back then You bring those kind of rats over here and you guys want to see some crazy shit I'm bringing some crazy shit over here. Imagine if you're that diabolical. Look at that. The size of that fucking thing. Oh my god Yeah, they're giant. I mean, it's like a small dog, right? Yeah, dude That is fucking massive and they're all over the place so funny the size that fucker Holy shit because they're like two inches away from beavers who are just adorable adorable

Well, that's like rats and squirrels right yes, how close squirrels and rats are fucking pretty close size and shape They just don't have a blowout. It's a cool cool tail The tail that like shows like emotion and stuff like dual sorry, but Br just have that fucking. They got fucked in the tail department. Yeah, there it is, dude. Yeah, Insomniac with Dave Attell shooting at nutrias. And Jamie, where did nutrias come from? Dude, I would love to.

They brought them over somehow or another and didn't understand what was happening. It's got to be the biggest mind fuck. The first time you see that, you go, dude, I think the rats are hitting the gym. something's up. They're coming out fucking big Just it coming out and be like what's up? I remember like the first time I saw a muscly pitbull like the first time you're like What the fuck is that the ones they're breeding now they look like cartoons

You know guys exercise them, how do you do they do like like a fucking presses? No, you have a fucking treadmill. They have pit bull treadmills. I'm not bullshitting you. They have game dog treadmills. And these game dog treadmills are like, have you ever used one of them, CrossFit,

like I have one called the Air Runner. It's the shit. It's a self-propelled treadmill. So the more you push off it. Right. No, you're pushing off of it. It's not moving on its own. Yeah.

So it's got a slope to it. And you're running, and I think it's like something like 10% or 15% Harder than just regular running so it actually is better for you. So it's a double more difficult than regular running Yeah, but that's what they do with these pitbulls They put them on these self propelling treadmills or they're just like they just fucking go and after it or they put them on ones Where they make them keep up with the treadmill like they have a motor treadmill going like there's different but they work them out man they have them pull stuff they put like things in their mouth and have them pull stuff they just

become magnus ver magnuson they just become these world's strongest men it's a dog if it works for a person it would work for a dog that's so funny to implement to be a dog like an actual trainer and you're like i'll get your dog jacked. Show up. They're fucking amazing dogs. They really are. If they didn't like to fight other dogs so much, they'd be the best dog. But they want to fight other dogs.

If you weren't just so violent, taking my dog to the dog park and watching a dog that you know is going to be a problem. Yeah. Especially on New York City. Those dog parks are like prison yards. Yep. You don't know who the fuck. But here it is. This is one of the pit bull treadmills.

He's like, come on, don't make me work out. Okay, I'll go, I'll go. No, I think he wants it. Oh, yeah, that tail. He looks like he wants it. He looks very happy that he wanted it. He starts taking it off. He likes it.

Once he's in. Let me go, let me go. Oh, do they let him? Yeah, yeah. They just tell him, Brady? Now that you know, he's like, I can't wait! Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That's insane. I've never seen a dog go. Oh, my God. Dude, that was so funny. Bro, that is insane. Once you realize that he was excited, that was so fucking funny. Yeah, because you can't say that dog doesn't love that. at that look at him. He's not talking fucking loves that number one He's got the telltale sign which is the butt wiggle when the butt wiggles. They're super pumped

I guess we just have to not look at it like it's involuntary It's clearly volume right there that dog wants this to do he wants to do this so much It's probably fun as hell because his body is like a super-tuned athlete's body. Yeah. It must feel amazing to just full-out sprint on a treadmill. Yeah, let me uncap it. Look at that. He's like, yeah!

Yeah, but running for a dog like that, like that being held back by a chain, must feel great. You know, because it just fucking... Dude, then he gets off. It's like you're exercising like a superhero body. Like a pit bull is a superhero body. In the world of dogs, they're super... Superheroes. Yeah.

The real superheroes are those Belgian Malinois. Bring it up. Bring it up, Jamie. Let's see the fucking Malinois. You never... They don't even seem real. Really? They can jump 30 feet through the air like they're flying.

You've never seen anything like it. They use them for the military. They're attack dogs. And it's not a dog that you want to have as like a fucking. Look at this. What the fuck is that? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What the fuck is that?

That's a Belgian Malamore. That fucking dog just climbed. Bro. Look at this guy. Good fucking luck. Holy shit. Good luck. Watch this. Watch this. Look at the height. Look at this guy. Good fucking luck. Holy shit. Good luck. Watch this.

Watch this. Look at the height. Look at the height. Oh my God. Got it. In John Wick 3, Halle Berry had Belgian Malinois. That's what that was. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure they were Belgian Malinois. Dude. But these fucking things will climb up trees. They'll run straight up a wall. Do you know what I'm talking about? They can fly through the air and all they want to do is fuck things up. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about?

We were talking about the first person that saw those big rats. Could you imagine being in a tree being like, I got away from this dog and then he just flies up. Holy shit. Look how it just climbed that roof, dude. Look, he's walking across wires. They're super smart and they need exercise. So if you're a person that has one of these and you think you're just going to leave it

in your backyard, you're torturing this thing. I'm going to show my dog these videos to be like hey just know this these dogs are out there These dogs are out there. Yeah, I know you love treats, and I know you look at that fucking the military guys call them meat missiles Let the meat missiles go dude. They will fuck you up. Do they respond dogs? They're like 60 70 pounds max. I think do they respond to like I always loved watching the German Shepherds respond Oh, yeah, they're like, oh they come trained. Oh, yeah, they I mean they When you have a dog like that, it's like having a weapon. Yeah, it's not like a regular dog You have a human attacking weapon and so it's weird that you can have one It's weird that you can have like a human attacking weapon, but you can train them and they'll be good dogs

I've been around guys who had them and they're good dogs man Just imagine the birds and you lose a ball in a backyard And you're like well here's the deal you can get the ball that dogs coming right over that fence with you that dog is gonna Chase you till buddy on mine had one in LA and he used to bring it to the studio It was a military dog. He was cool as fuck. That's awesome. Cool as fuck.

Easy to be around. But you didn't want to bring other dogs around. Or you didn't want, you know what I'm saying? I just know how goofy my dog is. My dog's goofy. And she would just be like, hey, who are you? And he's like, I am trained.

Do not come near me. Yeah, I'd have to tell him when I was bringing my dog by. I'm like, hey man, I'm bringing Marshall by. Marshall's a golden retriever. His zero, like there's no aggression in him. It doesn't exist, unless you're a squirrel. If you're a squirrel, he's there to bring death.

I grew up with a golden retriever. They are. They're the best dogs. They are the sweetest boys in the world. Yeah, they're just so sweet. My dog was fat, because I loved to feed him, but he could still move. It was like Jerome Bettis. Well, they're bird dogs Yeah

He would I would go to the backyard and play a game where I'd take two tennis balls and so I was like growing up And I'd throw one to one end and then he would run down to get it and I'd throw the other one to that one And then he would dart across the room and I just keep doing that and at the end he'd be like He just saw his face. He's like this fucking this rules dogs love to run. Yeah, you know like that dog was jumping on that treadmill that's how my dog gets when i throw the tennis ball for him he gets fucking crazy yeah he's like let's go let's go sometimes he starts running i haven't even thrown i go dude look it's right here he's like oh yeah i'm like i didn't even trick you i love the play action when you run it and they're like that and you're like yeah right yeah you fucking just remember that i got i got a little bit of brains on you

He was the easiest dog that I've ever had to train to bring things back to oh they were retrievers Yeah, it's in the name. It was instant. Yeah instant like the fetch thing instant dude He I grew up when I got my dog my golden retriever I was like nine because our other dog died and I got him and just got to be like my dog You know what I mean where he was like, this is my guy. I came back from college. The first Thanksgiving I came back from college, Montana was like, he's fucking, he has risen. He has risen.

I just walked in being like, I'm back, Montana. Come and love me. And he was like doing those things, you know, they jump up and circle around and you're like, yeah, it's a fucking party. That's the best man. Having a dog, we, my girlfriend and I got a dog in the pandemic and it made, like that dog rules. She comes on the road with me now. It just fucking rules.

They're the coolest animals. They're just like, you look at them and you're like, you're all about a good time, dude. Yeah, they're all about love. It's like, it's an amazing creation of the bastardization of nature. Of a wolf. Taking a wolf and turned it into this love machine.

Yeah, dude, I had an old joke that I never really stuck with about just the first guy to bring a wolf in a village and he's like, hey, no, it's my best friend. And everyone's like, dude, fuck that shit. Fuck that. Don't bring that thing near me. Well, people forget what wolves were.

We think of wolves as these beautiful animals that live in the mountains. Yeah, it's a white thing. We have to bring them back because you know what happened was in the old west days They poisoned them Why do you think they did that because they were coming for their kids eating their kids? Yeah, like they eat a lot of people Yeah, you you realize that like we were talking about that book the heart of everything that yeah that is about red cloud

Yeah, the Western Sioux and they talked about when they laid the train tracks And you know us watts were coming west with the repeater fucking rifle to shoot in Buffalo Yeah, and then what happens is the they can't use it because it's rotten meat, but then the wolves come So then they were like oh we'll clean up the wall and now the wolves are just terrorizing tribes and shit because they're like oh He's dead fucking buffalo nearby And then you gotta be like yeah the wolves are just terrorizing tribes and shit because they're like, oh, he's dead fucking buffalo are nearby. Oh, my God. And then you got to be like, yeah. So then they started putting poison on the wolves, and that just fucked everything up, started getting in the water and shit.

You're like, damn, what a domino effect. Oh, that has to happen if you're going to kill an apex predator. Yeah. And that's, by the way, the only effective way to kill them in large numbers. They're so smart. Unless you have, like, a concerted effort to gun them down from helicopters and you chase them into areas They they they hunt them like that in certain areas of the world Yeah

Because they have a population that they need to control just be like wolves Keep it a little bit of place of honor three like fucking wolves do is in Canada girl I was in Canada once and it was I was coming back from Alberta And I think it did a show there And I must have had something on me that made this guy come up to me and asked me about hunting like I look at Maybe I had a magazine. I was reading or something like that. Yeah, and he goes yeah He goes we do a lot of wolf hunting up here, and he was a regular guy I mean he looked like a guy that you would see that goes yeah i sell fucking

auto insurance yeah he looked he didn't seem like a crazy looking guy i go i go how often do you wolf on he goes every chance we can we got to get rid of them they're fucking everywhere i go what and so he's telling me what he does is take meat like scraps of meat and stuff and they freeze it and they freeze it in like a a garbage tub. And then they make a giant meat sickle and they leave it out there and then they wait. And they just go in. The wolves have figured it out. It's harder to get them now

because they've killed a few this way. But they hide like in tree stands with rifles and that's the most effective way he's found to kill wolves. They have to draw them in. There's meat sickles. Well, the thing is, man, there's so many trees. Yeah, they can just- And these motherfuckers are smart. Well, the thing is, man, there's so many trees. Yeah, they can just-

And these motherfuckers are smart, and they can smell 100,000 times better than you. I'm just thinking about being a dumb wolf. And they see things. Just being a dumb wolf and being like- They don't live. Look at that fucking meat sickle. You know, like,

just fucking catch a rifle. Most likely young. Yeah. It's most likely young wolves. Cause they, I'm sure they operate the way rats do. Rats will send, like there's that documentary on Netflix, Rats, you ever watch that? No. Fucking great.

Yeah? Great, terrifying. I need a road movie. It's a good one. All right. It's a real good one. Hell yeah. Rats send a young, dumb one out

to check to see if something's poisoned. And they see this one like eats it, and they're like, yep, see, Harry, it's fucking poisoned. It's more guys like, that was my kid. So they figured out poison. Rats know what poison is they know that some stuff if you eat it'll kill you yeah How the fuck that battle if you're on the human side of it? We're like stressed out like what's wrong, dude You're like I'm in a race of new poison against rats. I got a fucking outsmart these things Yeah, they knew my old poison. They know my old shit

I think they just keep using it and they killed dumb young rats and they think they're doing a good job But with this documentary exposed is that there's there's just like sophisticated culture down. It's a fucking ruthless Nasty vicious culture, but like rats have a civilization. There's more rats in New York City than there are human beings I know and live in there you're reminded of that walking through parks late at night by garbage bags when I first started when I moved to New York in 07 it was one of those things where I was outside smoking at an open mic just by a mountain of trash and you just see like bags move yeah like and then you see one go and you're like oh and you and you know that fact you've heard that I heard that fact by then that there's more rats than people in New York.

And you're like, oh, those are the brazen ones. Those are the ones that are like, yeah, we're out here. Yeah. Who's under the surface? Yeah, dude. Or just thinking about under that. Dude, it's fucking. I went to a gas station once.

This is back in the day when I didn't have a cell phone. I had to use a fucking pay phone. That's how long ago this is. Nice. So I'm pumping my gas and I had to use a fucking pay phone. That's how long ago this is. So I'm pumping my gas and I go over to use this pay phone. And as I'm using the pay phone, like 10 feet away from my car, I watch a rat

run out, jump on my wheel, my tire, and then disappear somewhere in my fucking car. Jesus Christ. Just walking around. Just went into my car. Just in the body of your car. The body of my car. Did you ever find it? I think it went into the engine bay or something. Did you ever find it? I don't I think it's in the end It wasn't went into the engine bay or something then another one does it and then another one does it and then there's all these

Rats jumping up on my car and climbing into my fucking car. How do you drive away with that? Well, I shut the door and they all scattered I guess cuz I never found I just figured I'm just gonna drive I'm like, I don't think they can get into the car from the engine bay See one like I'm like I don't think they can get into the car from the engine bay Can you imagine just fucking oh my god see one in like a just across? But they were just so many of them the point is that as soon as you stopped your car They jumped on your car They jumped over the top of your tires in the back wheel well, and they were like running around In my car they were checking my car for food like what if my window was open

Yeah, they would jump in and start eating a Subway sandwich by the way They're willing to risk it all for an open bag of funyuns they are not scared of you even remotely the new york one always puts up these videos occasionally of like the taco bell on 54th street and you're just watching like 30 rats just be in the thing and you're like holy shit and they did it they did it to the Taco Bell that I buy the restaurant I worked at that I like just go get a cheap, you know taco boats go get a quesadilla And then you saw that video you're like oh my god Yeah, dude there It's uh so many of them so many and you go down the one of the grossest things I've ever seen in my life is

New York City summer Riding the subways like off the train. It's like, you know hundred out. It's got that humidity This smell dude. I was at the West fourth stop, right? And it's this long fucking tunnel when you're going downtown on it and you get off on 3rd Street It's like this long fucking tunnel where there's always advertisements and I'm looking ahead and I'm watching people Move I'm like I got my earbuds in and I'm like watching, I'm seeing people and they're like jumping

and I'm like, what the fuck? And I look and there's this rat that has half his fur gone. It's just fucking bald on one side and it's dying

and it's like, and it's fucking big and it's like, and it's just going side to side. Dude, I ran by like this. Like I made a noise

like running by it I was like because it was going up and I was going up I was like oh no dude it was so gross it was just basically like

kill me fucking kill me oh my god dude thinking about it now it was hot and it was like it was like dude this thing

I don't give a fuck that thing running around with people like not scared of the people it was dying it was just like I don't give a fuck dude they put around with people like not scared of the people dying Oh my god, fuck dude. Oh man my goddamn misery. I wonder if that's what it was doing But I'm running around those people. Why wouldn't it hide to die or it's the funniest rat because back yes I fucking got him. I got him

Scared the shit out of him. I'm so glad we did this fucking scared the piss out of him I lived in a house in Encino at one point in time and it was in the hills. Yeah. And you got a lot of rats up there. A lot of coyotes and a lot of rats. And I would get them in my garage. They'd figure out a way to get under the garage door

and they would come into the garbage. So I'd have the garbage in the garage and I went out there and the garbage was strewn everywhere. It's like fuck, I gotta get traps. I got traps. I Hear the snap I go out there, and it's a fucking giant rat I mean he's like this his body's this big oh shit. What's up mother looking at and but I Was like I don't feel like dealing with this right now. I'm like. I'm just gonna leave this here I'll clean it up tomorrow

But so I go I leave it there and I get up in the morning, and I open up the garage door, and they ate him. The other rats ate him. There was almost nothing left. It was just the tail. When you look into like a king rat situation, where they're just like stuck together. Yeah, what is that rat king thing?

It's like they'll climb up. All their tails get stuck together. And then they kill each other because they're all like.esus christ they're just stuck together and they're just like i'll fucking kill you that's real that is real rat king rat kings so their tails just get tangled and then they i think they wind up killing each other is it always when there's like a shitload of them around that makes sense though right because you have that many on top of each other and then they get that one in a tree oh baby squirrels accidentally got wrecking look they're all going ass to ass oh no ass to ass ass to ass dude that's a real thing it's mummified look at that i mean dude think about it if the

three of us couldn't get away from each other and we didn't know why you just started panicking you would wreck jamie and i i'm out first and then people would just well them. It's like a Donner party situation do that book I just read a book about Donner party that I'm like all I want to do is talk about it It's so fucking crazy. How one mistake. Yeah, it's called underneath Fuck man. This is why pot sucks cuz you read books and then yeah The Donner party's the number one story of people eating people. When people bring that up.

Yeah, but that was like, when you see the point they got to, underneath the fucking something stars, they got to a point where they were like, taking leather straps and boiling it down, and eating leather. Yeah, the indifferent stars above. Fucking unbelievable. Dude, it's leather. Yeah the indifferent stars above fucking unbelievable

Dude, it's how they did who survived They had like they want to say like over 20 survivors mostly women and how many people live all right? How many people died like they lost like sick over 60? And it was like kids families and there were all these different camps And it's like it was one guy just selling it was like almost the most american story you can do where a guy's like i got a shortcut and they're like is it good and he's like of course it's good and then they're caught in the sierra mountains with like like under like 15 feet of snow like insane shit where they had and then like they talk about eating the people and it had to be

like one woman didn't want to know if it her husband or not, because her husband had died. And she's like, just don't, just go mix up the meat. Just go mix it up. So I don't know that I'm eating my beloved John, you know? God. But you, and those guys got trapped and then they come out. The end of that book is basically all about PTSD

and about how all these people that survived were like, that old timey thing, we're're like we don't talk about that they just pushed it down how could you keep it together after eating a person just coming back and being like normal yeah super normal stayed alive because yeah it's a nice day i ate this old lady yeah this fucking old guy died and i took a hunk of his thigh oh also doing the thing of dressing a human like a deer or something where you got to be like oh fuck man. Oh fuck Cannibalism really is the only thing for all humans where you're like, what's the only thing that there's a disease that prevents it Yeah, it's like stop. There's a disease really yeah

What is it called? Jakobs? Krutzfeld that's what it's called is it like mad cow, exactly. So it's like it causes holes in your brain preons Yeah, yeah, it's a prion disease. I think it comes from eating human. It's either brain tissue or neural tissue If you have that you just tell on yourself So you eat people and you go well, I was I was in Taiwan and I was at a place I didn't know what it was. They fed me.

They lied. It wasn't on the menu. They said it was monkey brains, and then they brought it out, and it was fucking- You're not supposed to eat monkey brains either, bro. Really? No, I don't think you are. Isn't that a delicacy over there? Yeah, but I think primate prions. The thing would be like, I don't know if people have gotten you know mad monkey disease like mad cow

disease but mad cow disease comes from cows eating other cows yeah put it they put cow in the feed and they put not just meat yeah put cow brains and neural tissue and whatever the fuck what what is it what is the actual thing that causes the prions is it uh or yucca's crutzfeld from eating humans it's it's it's either the brain tissue it's the it says it's just from contaminated meat not necessarily oh but that's no but you're talking about mad cow disease right crutzfeld jacob oh well you see that but that is what it means it's it is mad cow disease we pull that pull up that that word and then mad cow personality changes i think it's it's still the same thing i think it's a prion disease

but just see it is mad cow disease dude what's so funny about that is it says it changes your personality so it is the same as mad cow disease no cds yeah cjd is not related to mad cow disease, although they're both considered TSEs. I don't know what a TSE is. Only people who get CJD and only cattle get mad cow disease. Okay, so it's similar because it's a prion disease, but it's not. So if that's not mad cow disease, we can catch their prion disease too, right? So people definitely get a prion disease from eating people yeah and they definitely get a prion disease from eating cows that ate cows

yeah that's what they're trying to say yeah i think they're not the same it's a different disease i think when mad cow disease came out we didn't know what the human variant was and i think it was just like right because they're similar they're like oh, it's mad cow disease But in reality only cattle can get mad cow disease right so we're getting a similar disease from it's basically the rule Don't eat your own. Yeah, it's just nature being don't eat what ate its own Yeah, don't eat other things that eat their own copy of a copy I mean, that's probably one of the reasons why no I mean rats are just not considered delicious I left that rat dead rat dude, for one evening. Yeah.

And he was gone. And they were like- There was like feet left and the tail. Also- And they ate everything. The one rat that was like, dude, I heard fucking Mark

died in that garage. Let's go eat him. Fuck Mark. Yeah, just eat him. I always want to eat his fucking eyeball. Fat ass. He was a fat fuck.

Fat fuck. I want to eat that fat fuck. Always got the first garbage. Well, yeah, you wanted to be first, Mark. Now we're all going to eat you, you stupid dead fuck. We're all going to eat you. We ate first garbage. Well. Yeah, you wanted to be first mark now. We're all gonna eat you stupid dead fuck Yeah, dude coming back out and seeing that like seeing nature work. Yeah, almost like those old-school Time-lapse videos where you watch the skull deteriorate and then like the grass grow around. Yeah

Yeah, don't do it in a day where you come out and like oh shit. It's gone I think would be a buzz I bet if you put cameras out there and got a slow just like That was rats at the same time just eat them alive Richard Kuklinski the Iceman That that serial killer. Oh, yeah, he would go he would go to Bucks County Pennsylvania and he found this Kate this caves with rats and he would put a fucking video camera and Watch people get eaten He would just put him in there alive. Yeah, and come back come back a week later Nothing nothing in that book by Philip Carlo the Iceman

They talk about how this motherfucker Kuklinski would watch those videos eating sandwiches and shit like that's how cold he was He was like, yeah, I'll watch this shit Dude, I got it. That was a weird phase when you're single and you're explaining to women why you read about Richard Kuklinski so much I'm cool. Don't worry. His interviews are chilling that one was at HBO. Yeah, it's called Yeah, it's like a confessions of something the Iceman. Yeah, there's one where the Ice man, yeah, there's one where the the last two or three are done by a female psychologist The first one's this guy who's like trying to go to him at one point And he goes just real quietly goes you see that You just made me mad and it's one of those things really like get the fuck out of the room, dude

Get the fuck out of the room Christ the stories in that Philip Carlo book are fucking insane about how he would be like, you know, the Gambino family would order a hit in Florida and they're like, put some pizzazz on it. And he would feed the guy to a shark or some shit. Like real crazy shit. You know, Saddam Hussein's sons would rape women and feed them to their dogs. What the fuck?

Yeah. How do you do that post-nut? How are you that mean post-nut? How are you that mean post-nut? How do you got that much fucking vinegar in you? I heard horrible stories. Yeah. About the two sons were apparently like- Uday and-

Kuse. Kuse. Like full-on serial killers. Just- Game of Thrones style serial killers. Jesus Christ. I know they used to torture the Iraqi soccer team. They would like electrocute their nipples when they fucking do it.

Jesus Christ. Which is already, there's so much pressure on the game. But those two sons, see, I think there was a document or a film about those two sons. Isn't there? Was there a Uday and Kuse film? They were supposedly some evil, evil motherfuckers. Well, good news. Coming to ABC, it's two brothers.

He's trying to sitcom it. Two brothers that do whatever the hell they want. could you imagine if your dad was Saddam Hussein Devils double is what it's called. What is it? Can you put it? Is that a fictional or is it a documentary? Do dad is Or just being cousins with them They're coming over for dinner Hope it doesn't kill me like ah fuck dude. They're coming over for dinner. Yeah. You're like, I hope he doesn't kill me.

You're like, oh, fuck, dude. Uday. How'd the national team do? Remember that guy in Devil's Double? Fact-based drama. Iraqi Lieutenant Yahya is forcibly drafted into being a body double for Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's depraved elder son.

Oh, wow. Oh, that's cool. When did that come out? Last year? 2011. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. I remember hearing about that. But, dude, I would love. Elder son oh wow oh that's cool when did that come out last year 2011 oh really yeah I remember hearing about that, but dude. I would love this is that's like Uday Hussein's like a guy where you're like I'll do a deep dive

I'll learn about your crazy ass pull up an article on how evil they were to see if you can find something they it was Terrifying shit, man. Oh by the way those Donner party status is that who day career of rape torture and murder just to fact-check myself does those Donner party stats I don't know if that's true about the murders, but it felt right. That's one let you know I was looking stuff up about it I do that all the time It's toss it out Nate always calls me on it. He's like that's out effect Yeah, dude these guys if you're a day who, it's a SodaFact. Jesus Christ. These guys, if you're Uday Hussain and your dad is Saddam

just running shit, you're going to feel very empowered to be a fucking psycho. Look at this, hold on. Search for public appropriation appears to have taken over in the mid-1980s

when Uday first took a close interest in the sport. Footballers say he never really understood or showed much interest in the game itself, but was desperate enough for a win that he would phone up the dressing room during halftime to threaten to cut off players' legs

and throw them to ravenous dogs. Just in between it, they go, hey, Uday's on the phone for you. And you're like, hello? I'll cut your fucking legs off. And feed them to ravenous dogs. As football overseer, Uday kept a private torture scorecard with written instructions on how many times each player should be beaten

on the soles of his feet after a particularly poor showing. He also carried a grudge. Once you came to Uday's notice, he never left you alone. The only time I managed to get away from his eyes was when I went outside Iraq. Star performer Habib Jafar told The Guardian last April. Fuck, dude. Damn, dude. Read that next one.

Oh, Uday's excesses carried over into his private life where he had a reputation for ordering any girl or woman who caught his eye to be brought to his private pleasure dome. Pleasure dome, dude. Which sounds so fun to get invited to. Jesus Christ. If you're like, dude, do you want to come to my pleasure dome? You're like, yeah, absolutely. And he's like, it's not good. It's Uday Hussain's pleasure dome.

Oh my God. In 1988, he bludgeoned to death his father's bodyguard in front of horrified party goers. Oh my God. He also shot off one of his uncles. He shot one of horrified party goers. Oh my God. He also shot off one of his uncles, shot one of his uncles in the leg. The murder shootings and other erratic behavior put him in permanent disfavor with Saddam.

He was briefly exiled to Switzerland and when he was allowed to return to Iraq, he was never again deemed suitable for succession. Damn, he got cut off. Which means, you know how much fucked up shit you gotta do for saddam hussein back to what we were looking at before like a little bit before that but you know what i mean you know how much fucked up shit you got to do for saddam hussein to be like this

that's that's too much i'm gassing curds but this is too much what a scary person yeah to have your father be a dictator and you're a murderous psychopath and you're a problem for him your dad's a murderous dictator and you're the problem he's changing And you're a problem for him. Your dad's a murderous dictator and you're the problem? You're the problem. He sends you to Switzerland. Go be neutral. I'm gonna send you to Switzerland.

See how they do it. Do it like that. It's like that Ben Affleck meme where he's smoking. He's just outside. He's like, oh, day. I gotta fucking get rid of him. This kid's nuts.

Can you imagine Switzerland where, you know, they're not known for being violent at all. And all of a sudden, that dude fucking moves in? Yeah, you're putting one of those fucking attack dogs at a poodle school Damn, dude. Also him being your neighbor. He's like a day like a day who say

Yeah I would invite you over to watch soccer but I felt like when you read stories of like ancient kings and Dynasties and their sons and the evil princes. It's almost like that's the pattern that always happens. The sons of dictators are ruthless. I always think that with mafia kids, a lot of mafia kids.

They're born into it. But you got a guy that makes his way from Sicily or up in Brooklyn and makes a made man and he's making it and then they have those kids that are just like, they saw the power their dad had so they didn't have the beginning part. So then they're like, I got the power,

you fucking respect me. And you're like, yeah, but your dad went up the ranks. You know what I mean? It's just powerful people with their kids. I couldn't, I'm so glad I wasn't the son of a powerful man. Oh my God. What a burden. I was a son of a powerful man. Oh, what a burden. I was a son of a very fun drunk.

That's where clowns are made. If you were the son of a scary, forceful guy, the problem is people resist that shit. They don't want that. They don't want that. They want to be their own man. They don't want to go into your line of business and take over the family business and fuck man That's like how many stories are about that where the man has got to get away from his dad

I don't want to do the business. I'm forced to do the business always always always a storyline where it's like I'll go back to running my dad's factory and fucking whatever it's like it ain't your dream You know it's not your dream and sometimes dads want it to be your dream whenever I see comedians like children of comedians get into it, or athletes. Yeah. Like the athletes. Ken Griffey Jr. is so good at baseball that he was better than his dad. Do you know how fucking crazy?

They played on the same team. You've got to be so good at something to be like, I'm going to go on my dad's field and I'm going to be better. Like Kobe Bryant's dad, Steph Curry, these all guys of great NBA players. Right. And then they go and they're like, watch this. Floyd Mayweather, his dad fought Sugar Ray Leonard. He was fucking awesome.

Yeah. Floyd Mayweather Jr. Floyd Mayweather Sr. was awesome. Yeah. You forget that he's a junior. Yeah. And he's the greatest fighter, possibly greatest boxer of all time. In my book.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, watching him roll that shoulder and just absolutely destroy people. If you just look at boxing in terms of like how often you get hit versus how often you hit the other guy, he's the best ever. Yeah.

And he's the son of, so it is, you know, it's not a sweeping rule of like if you're the son of someone, like you're going to suck. Probably. But if you're good, you're going to be fucking great. Right. Because you got that extra pressure that ends up getting behind you and pushing you.

The way him and his uncle and his father talk, I imagine that they were always super competitive from the time they were young. He grew up being super. They're super competitive. They're competitive about talking shit. They're competitive about all kinds of things. So it's like that hive growing up with that all the time and the boxing skill puts you in a place where you're down on the cards in a fight who's that guy from argentina that he fought mardano mardano mardano yeah if you watch that fight he's up on the cards early and you watch mayweather breathe it out and

just refocus and you're like that's what you get from growing up around all that shit you can focus in and well he always has an amazing car my donna cracked him he caught him he's one of the few guys that actually hit floyd in his career it was like sugar strain mosley hit him once pretty good and my donna hit him once and it was the end of a round and he clipped him and floyd wobbled a little and the round was over but it was like whoa like that dude could hit and then he just came back and walked him down. Just wore him down. And then the second fight they had was even better. Yeah.

The second fight they had, it was a shutout. He's like, I know exactly what you do. And this time I'm ready for it and I'm still mad that you hit me in that first fight. The best guy mad at you for hitting you and you're like, I don't know, I have to. Floyd is just the best technician ever. Yeah. His technique, it's flawless. His movement, his understanding of distance.

One of the funniest things that he ever did was he fought this guy, Tenshin, who is a huge star in Japan in martial arts. Kick boxing and stuff like that. But he's a smaller guy but he's like a very exciting young prospect and they paid Floyd to box him this guy fights at like maybe 130 pounds okay he's a small guy yeah he's smaller than Floyd yeah he's a lot smaller than Floyd I mean I want to say he maybe fights 136 I'm not sure I love that he's not he's a lot smaller than Floyd. I mean, I want to say he maybe fights 136. I'm not sure. I love that. He's not very big. Just a fucking squirrely guy. Yeah.

You can get in there and pick your shit up. But Floyd's way bigger than that. Yeah. And Floyd didn't even look like he worked out at all. He walked in there with a big smile on his face. He didn't particularly look fit. He didn't look ripped. Yeah.

And he just beat the fuck out of this dude. He beat the fuck out of this dude so bad that people thought it was a fixed fight. They were calling me up. Dude, you got to see this fixed fight. Floyd Mayweather was involved in a fixed fight. And I watched, I go, that's not fixed. That's what happened to you, bitch. If Floyd hit you, you would go down like that.

What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, but when you get whooped by someone not in shape, the excuses out of your mouth on the walk back, you'd be like, yeah, I don't know, man. It must have been something I ate. I don't think Floyd ever gets out of shape. Don't get me wrong. But he wasn't shredded

He wasn't like like he looked like look at him here Yeah, that like look at he just walked him down like it was nothing actually looks pretty fit there Yeah, I'll take it back. Maybe it was in my mind I decided that he looked smooth, but he I mean when you watch him smiling when you watched all those 24-7 Documentaries he was his thing was like he always just loved to go to the gym. Yeah, dude. I mean, he's not as ripped as he's been in other fights, but he still looks pretty good. Yeah.

But the point is, like, he's so relaxed, dude. He's so much better than this guy. By the way, if tension could kick him, he'd be fucked. I mean, 100% fucked. Would they ever do that fight? No, tension would fuck him up. Like, listen to me, 100% he would fuck him up. See where Floyd's leg is right there?

Yeah. 100% Tension would fuck that leg up. 100%. And then you could only take a few of those. Like, look. Okay, just boxing. Floyd has let him survive for a minute, right? Yeah.

And if this was kickboxing and Tension could kick his legs, this fight would be in grave danger of being stopped because Floyd would be fucked. Yeah. His legs would be falling apart and this dude would be chopping at him. And look at this. So that was the one. They said, dude, that's fake.

That's fake. I go, what are you talking about? That's one of the greatest boxers the world has ever known against a guy who's like 15 pounds, 20 pounds lighter than him. Just looking around like, fuck. And he's a young kid. I think at this time he was in his, I want to say he's in his early 20s. Yeah When you have fights like that like the you know, like the original UFC's get him fire back though

The kids are prodigy in kickboxing and I but my worry was my worry was that this this defeat was so crushing The way it happened was so absolute the way Floyd just sort of walked him down with his he didn't even try to not Get hit he just had no respect for him Oh anybody who thinks that's not real is out of their fucking mind But I got a lot of people calling me a lot of people go bro You're gonna see it's a fixed voice do that the the one that lands that puts him down. You're like hell fuck dude Please stay down Look, it's still going on. He's like, Jesus, what did I sign up for?

This is the thing. He knocks him down three times. So Floyd's just walking him down. I mean, he's not even using any of his boxing. He's got his hands up. He's just looking for openings to crack him, and then he cracks him again. Damn. I think that's it.

I think it's a three knockdown thing. But there's no, I mean, obviously not Floyd Mayweather, but there's no way they would do that, right? With kickboxing, no. Floyd wouldn't do that. Floyd would have to be broke. Yeah. He'd have to be broke, and they'd have to pull up the brinks truck but it's not good

it wouldn't be good it's not good just because it changes it adds changes everything changes everything now what about if you added like a kickboxer wrestler like like i said like with the first ufc depends on what kind of puncher you're talking about so like if mike tyson fought a kickboxer you still would bet on mike tyson in his prime because mike tyson would close the distance and smash that guy with one or two punches so quick that the leg kicks wouldn't matter. He would just be on you and before you knew it, it was a swarm of knuckles and you're fucked. Just open your shit.

Yeah. You're fucked. But Floyd is a technician. Floyd's not like a one punch, just smash everybody guy. He finds his spots, picks you apart, and fucks you up. Yeah. That takes time. Yeah.

And when a guy's kicking you. This guy set it up. A guy's kicking your legs, you don't have any time. You have no time. So the only guys who would, I think, like Shannon Briggs fought Tom Erickson in a kickboxing fight, and Tom Erickson kicked his legs. But Tom Erickson was more of an MMA fighter.

He was really a really good wrestler, a big giant wrestler. But Shannon Briggs starches people with one punch. Yeah. It's a very particular kind of power you have to have to get in there with a kickboxer, I think. Yeah. Because the danger of just getting your legs removed, it's too hard to, if you're not used to it, you got to train for a long time to accept and check them.

And also you have to condition your legs to be able to get beaten up like that. Yeah. Don't they roll out the nerves and stuff and their shins and stuff to be able to get kicked? No. With the Muay Thai? They just kick things. They just kick things? Yeah.

It's like, fuck, just go kick stuff. I mean, over time, it definitely gets harder just from clashing shins and hitting elbows and hitting knees. It all gets... What happens is you get these micro fractures all over the tops your shins From colliding with things. It's like it's like having cauliflower ear, but all over your shin. Okay. That's what it's like I think for me the biggest thing would probably be to stop saying ow Cow I think they just get numb, but they still break their shins like world-class kickboxers still break their fucking shins

Yeah, fall down with their leg like that. Yeah, man, like that Anderson Silva one. Yeah, just like that's a perfect example. Anderson Silva was an elite striker, and he still cracked his fucking leg in half. Tyrone Spong. There was this guy, Gokhan Saki, and Tyrone Spong fought, and Tyrone Spong was top of the food chain kickboxer. And he threw this leg kick, and Gokhan checked it, and his leg just went snap. Chris Weidman, right?

Yeah, Chris Weidman. I remember that one recently. World champion MMA fighter, still broke his fucking shin. You don't think his shins are conditioned? They're conditioned as fuck. It doesn't matter. He's still bone. These couch warriors are like,

fucking broke his leg. Fucking pussy. You should drink more milk, bro. Dude, milk is delicious. Drink more milk. Yeah. Drink more milk and apparently... Just get your fucking leg Oh, dude milk is delicious drink more milk. Yeah Apparently just get your fucking leg broken, dude That's got to be insane to have your leg snap like that have it wrap around Conor McGregor

Yeah, yeah, Connor had a fucked up leg going into that fight It turns out they think he had a stress fracture on that before you know even through the first kick in the fight It just breaks just snapped off because there was no like big moment where it looked like oh that makes sense that would break a leg yeah there was no moment like that just a small check the weidman fight was like super clear the ary hall checks it and the thing just snapped yeah dude it looked like a fucking stretch arm strong arm where it wrapped around see chris weidman's move was if i just full power leg kick you in the calf with the first kick yeah, you're fucked yeah, like you're gonna be fucked and then I'm gonna jump on you and Uriah halls is skillful striker. He just knew how to check it. He just checked it. I

Was a tough one. That's one of the ones where I remember like, you know doing I do shows on Saturdays Let's watch that. Let's watch it. All right Weidman breaks his, because it's a cautionary tale. It's a cautionary tale of this, this is a, you don't play fighting. That's the best way to describe it. We, um, Anderson Silva, when he broke it on Chris Weidman,

it was the same night as the Rousey fight, and I was coming back from the road, so I DVR'd the fucking event. And I was very excited to watch that. Let's hold this thought. Yeah. Let's tell the story when we come back. Cause I gotta take a piss.

I've been holding it in for the last 10 minutes. I'm gonna take a piss too. All right. We take a piss. We'll be right back. This is a, you're going to talk about Anderson Silva breaking his leg. Yeah.

Chris Weidman. We'll be right back. And we're back. Well, I just want to thank you as someone that's listened to your podcast for finally answering the question if you take piss breaks or not. Yes, we take piss breaks. Yeah, if you have to. I always tell everybody, if you just say it, it's no big deal.

I wonder how many guests do you think you've had that people have to piss, but they're just like- A lot. A lot that are like- I see them squirming. I start to see them squirming. You can see it in their eyes. Yeah, they're trying to keep it together, but they're getting distracted. Say it, motherfucker.

And they're like, mm-hmm. I should probably tell more people, if you have to pee, just say it. It's no big deal. Yeah, I think you got to lead it. Because, dude, you were like, I got to piss. I was like, fuck yes. Yeah, it was getting to the point where I couldn't concentrate. I was squeezing my testicles area, urethra, whatever I have down there.

You're fucking squeezing it. Whatever that pipe is. Shut the fucking tube. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is getting rough. So this is the- This is the Chris Weidman one. This is the Weidman break, but before the Weidman break, the Anderson Silva, when he broke it on Weidman,

I had it DVR'd, and I came home, and my fucking roommate was having a party, and he didn't tell me that was gonna happen. Oh my God. Our third roommate, who's not a comic, and I was coming back from the road, so I was tired, and I was like, dude, I don't want this party. And so he wasn't even fucking there. His friends were there. I kicked everyone out I'm gonna get the fuck guys friends were partying at your house. Yes, and he had left to go meet a girl

This is like oh my god 2012 2011 and I'm like dude get the fuck how many people ten Ten hanging around your house, dude, and I came back then none- And none of them lived there but you. No. And my spider sense went off. How weird is that? I was at the fucking baggage claim and I was like this. So weird. What if he has a party? And you know that thing where you get yourself mad?

Where you're like, I know exactly what I'd do. And then you come home and it's a really party. And I look and I go, where is he? Where's Pete? And they're like, he's not here. He went to meet up with a girl. And I was like- So you came home to a party that was going on without Pete.

Yeah. He had left and he had gone to meet up and there was like. So you came home to a party that was going on without Pete. Yeah, he had left and he had gone to meet up and there was people, it was his friends. A couple of them I had met but most of them I didn't know. So I'm like, hey, dude, his friend that I knew saw my face. I put my suitcase in my room and he's like, hey everybody, he was cool, he got everyone out. I had to take a walk, I was so fucking, I've never taken a walk because I'm so mad so

get high get food put on the pay-per-view watch all the fights Pete comes home at the start of the Weidman Anderson Silva fight and we start fucking screaming at each other what the fuck you're the fucking party here what the fuck Anderson Silva's legs break we both go oh it was on the DVD we were like both like two dice clays like oh stop the fight we both sat down we're like what the fuck and then it's one of those things where you know how guys just are like all right don't do it again yeah we're like holy shit we're like fuck you dude I was like you're not allowed to have friends over anymore like I'm his fucking dad oh my god he's like fuck you we're like yelling at each other in that break I was like oh shit oh that's a weird one anymore like I'm his fucking dad my god He's like yeah, we're like yelling each other that break. I was like oh shit Oh, that's a weird one though when you have roommates you come home, and there's a gang of people in your house like oh

Yeah, especially cuz I hadn't quit drinking yet, so it's much more forgiving when you drink cuz you're like When did you quit? 2013 oh I quit Joe list Nate, and I was our that was our running That was our drinking crew oh yeah and Joe we all quit all of us are done

Norman's the last of the Mohicans Norman's the last one from our group that's filled with boozes he likes to get drunk he likes it he likes his booze

he likes to party yeah Norman's fun we used to but List quit and then he was the first person I ever met that quit drinking booze and was like it's fucking awesome

Everyone else was white knuckle in it. I worked the program you gotta do this and this This was my this was my first friend. That's like you're gonna get better at comedy You know like you're gonna like life better. Yes, that's what we were talking about that, but we didn't finish earlier We were talking about a tell so tell um Did insomniac and you know he was always? we were talking about that, but we didn't finish earlier. We were talking about a tell. So tell, um, did insomniac and, you know, he was always partying, always drinking.

Yeah. And, um, so I'm in LA at the improv one night and he was hammered and he was looking for an after hour spot. And then the, it was like very soon after that, they decided to sober up.

And then I saw him maybe a year later. I'm like oh my god it's so his act is so tight and sharp and i'm like he's he's still like he's more dedicated to stand up now and it's like more time he's not feeling like shit all the time exactly yeah it's i started recent i want to say like since covid i i used to smoke weed before every set. Like before headlining sets, in between shows, go smoke a joint. Stop doing that when I'm headlining. And it almost was the same benefit.

Really? Yeah, I can think. I like getting high during 15-minute sets in the city if I'm at the cellar. Right, for fun. Yeah, smoke a bowl. Try this bit. I'm going to try this out.

Let's play around. But now I'm getting to the point where I want people that come out to have a great show. So I want to be the best. And I want to try this out. Let's play around right like now I'm getting to the point where I want people that come out to have a great show So I want to be the bet you know and I want to do really well right So it's like if I stop smoking weed and it became Better shows and more fun after the show to be like after that late show yeah, that's interesting so you're live you're Your 15-minute sets you you fuck around yeah And so like you feel like in a 15- set, maybe the marijuana helps you a little bit.

Absolutely. I loosen up. Yeah. You know, Big Jay will always say he makes references he normally wouldn't make when he's high. And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense because you're feeling it. Yeah. You're kind of feeling it in a different way. Well, your brain's tuned into a different thing.

Yeah. But it's so interesting to me how differently it affects people. You know? It's so, just the way they talk about it. It's like some people get super lazy on it. Some people get super motivated. They start thinking, oh my God, what am I doing with my life?

And they start getting weirded out by that. That's always kind of what it's been for me where I get high, but I mean, I'm great at being lazy. But I also, I'll get high and then immediately be like, all right, I gotta get better jokes. It just goes to the default programming where I'm like, I have to fucking write better jokes. I always, no matter the show,

I'll like three of the jokes and then four of the bits, I'll be like, what the fuck is that? Time to get going. Yeah, time to get going. Time to get going. And when you're around people like Shane and Big J and fucking Sam Murillo and Mark Norman, you're seeing these people do and when you're around people like you know Shane and Big J in

Fucking Sam or illa mark norman you're seeing these people do jokes that you're like or list list will come out with like ten minutes I'm like fucking let's go. I gotta go or watch Colin. Yeah, and a tell it's like that's good that motivation But weed for me adds the extra like remember you got a right better joke. Yeah Well, it's so much better than the things that make you confident yeah things that make you confident are dangerous like that means like or booze and you get Mike Tyson punching on you on a JetBlue flight yeah yeah that guy's probably on a bunch of shit the guy who Mike Tyson punched apparently according to the New York Post has a lengthy criminal history ah well in that case if he's if he's had a lot of fuck-ups

and he's a bad person or whatever, he's going to go to jail, at least he got to get his ass kicked by a famous person. If you find yourself or Mike Tyson's reaching over the back of an airline seat and punching you in the face,

I think you probably earned it. I think you probably earned it. Yeah. I don't think he... Did you climb into a lion's... I don't think it was for kicking his chair. Yeah, I don't think it was fucking guy was super annoying Yeah, and he was like over the thing you just can't yeah, it's like people get crazy. They think that just because he's You know he's Mike Tyson. He's famous. He can't just punch you You're annoying him. He's gonna just fucking hit you like a normal person would you know hecklers do that though?

Yeah, some you know that like they'll be talking and you're like hey shut the fuck up and the huh right oh But you can't talk yeah, they didn't bring you down here. They didn't put you up at the fucking extended stay They're not amplifying you and stop stop talking That's why booze when people are like when I have friends like I'm coming to show you We're going to the bar first Who wants to get drunk and sit silently in a dark room? No one you want to get drunk and go pay attention not only that it like if there's a guy who thinks he might be funny That's the time they all think they're funny. Yeah

I got you. Oh, and then you know the classic after the show I helped and you're like man I helped yeah I wonder if that guy was like I helped that flight that guy got beat up I was helping that flight everyone I made it entertaining for everyone did you see the lady that got duct tape on a flight they duct taped her face very funny that's wild yeah they run a frat

in the sky your face duct taped you gotta be saying some crazy shit with their like dude fucking duct-taper. What is she doing? I fucking I did it like the soprano. It's just like takes hot takes I'll say it right now Bryan Cranston wasn't that great and Breaking Bad everyone's like Yeah, it's you gotta be an obnoxious asshole to get duct taped. I want to know what they said she said. Yeah, anybody out there. It's like, did duct tape your mouth?

If you hear that, please reach out to us. Tell us. Am I imagining that they duct taped her mouth, or did they really duct tape her mouth? Yeah, they got it. Yeah, they fucking duct taped her mouth. Damn, dude. Did she sue? I don't know, man.

I think she's in trouble. I think that's right. Look at this. She got fined $82,000. Damn. Woman duct taped aboard American Airlines flight faces record $82,000 AA fine. Oh, yeah. She tried to go for the door, dude.

So the FAA is going to fine her. But is that for sure? The woman assaulted and bit a flight attendant after she attempted to open the forward boarding door. Oh, shit. Okay. We were restrained for the safety and the security of other customers in our crew. Oh, my God. Damn, dude.

Someone going for the door. So she bit somebody. That's why they did her mouth. She could be heard screaming, you, you, you, at passengers filing past her as flight attendants calmly nodded their goodbyes. Oh, wow. So she's screaming at them while they're walking by. Oh, it wasn't in the air, though. Okay.

Oh, it wasn't? No, I think they were grounded. Oh, they were on the way to fly? Which almost is like... So before they even got in the air? If they're grounded and they duct taped her, you're a fucking asshole. They duct taped her when she was on the ground.

That's the best part. They should lead with that. Oh, here it is. The agency said she attempted to hug and kiss another passenger, tried to exit the plane mid-flight. Oh, she was in the flight. Oh, okay. She was on the flight.

All right, never mind. She tried to exit the plane mid-flight and bit another flyer multiple times before the crew restrained her. Damn. Hold on, hold on. What, a different lady? Yeah. It was a different lady?

Against a woman. This has, I propose to find the second largest ever against a woman on a Delta flight. Okay, so it was a different flight. So duct tape lady wasn't the lady from Las Vegas to Atlanta. Okay, so this is a second flight.

Yeah. Oh, I see. Okay, so this one, this is only 2021. She's biting people We're setting new records There's another story where there is like the duct taping has it's been happening to most people happen to others a while that happens She was talking shit like my what they just duct tape people. Yeah, dude, and then you're in Sigma Chi

That's what did they do? If that was a lady that was on the ground that got duct taped like that, so if the other story was another person that bit a bunch of people, what did this lady do that they didn't just remove her from the plane? They just said, no, bitch, you're staying here. Yeah, you're going to fucking fly. If it's on the ground, that sounds so insane. You just pop the door open and get her the fuck out.

Yeah, you open the door, you call the cops, they get her out. They duct taped her. We have to fly this lady That makes no sense Is that we right here? Yeah, she was saying yeah, she was I think she was just fucking crazy Oh my god, can you use that excuse anymore? Was she just well, there's levels to that. Okay, and don't be ableist dance I'm sorry crazy duct taped Video shows woman duct taped a seat after trying to open airplane door.

And apparently, this is great. I love the post covering their ass. An apparently unhinged woman. She's just apparently. That's a cute thing. Dude, she's fucking taped to a chair. That is wild. As everyone's getting off. Would you keep filming her?

Would you sit right in front of her and try to go to her like you would A zombie like if you saw a zombie yeah, and there was a zombie that was chained up in someone's basement Yeah, and I'll be like holy shit. It's a real zombie. I mean look you're a bitch what I'd want to see Show those dead teeth and I knew the zombie could not break free you sure he can't break free I might get close to him. I'll be like fuck you bitch. Eat it Yeah, I might be thinking You're a prince. You should hate brains motherfucker. You would be here right now Stop being in the fucking head. I've seen the show They're like here, they give you a Louisville. They're like take a take a swing at him. You hit him in the leg

So if you were on this flight, yeah, would you like just put the camera in front of her and not say anything? I would honestly think of Fuck you! Fuck you! Yeah, I would think of something fun to say i would want a good parting right yeah you know what i mean it seems like you'd want to focus on her for a few seconds according to this person here's the scene if you it sounds kind of crazy two-hour flight july 6th from dallas fort worth and to charlotte north carolina had been delayed for at least three hours before it finally departed at midnight. But about an hour into the trip, chaos broke out.

This woman said that in a subsequent video describing the hectic scene, flight attendants began turning on the lights around 1.30 a.m., she said, and we see all flight attendants running up and down the aisles frantically, kind of like whispering to each other. The plane's crew began locking bathrooms grabbing bags from overhead bins and wouldn't say what was happening it was just kind of like chaos and no one knows what's going on she continued finally the pilot spoke over the intercom asking people to stay in their seats referencing to a bad situation in the plane right now according to the passenger then we're gradually starting to hear more and more screaming and we're like, wait a minute, she noted.

Just as the plane was about to land, a flight attendant who sat near them explained that a woman with an apparent mental issue had an outburst, like had the urge to get off the plane. And she was saying, I need to get off this plane. And she went up to the exits and started banging on the doors saying, you need to let me off this plane. I guess it took five flight attendants to subdue her and literally take her down. So she said of the incident, which was first reported by TMC, they pretty much took her down, put her in the seat, and duct taped her. Damn.

Dude, if you're, what they don't talk about is the first guy that noticed Because she's not telling people what she's doing. So someone's runs up to the door. Someone's got to notice it Oh my god, and you're just reading your magazine and you're like what the fuck anybody ever opened up one of those doors I don't know. That's a I mean That's gonna suck everyone out right that would just be a I wonder how easy it is to do Probably not that easy, because they always talk about the weight of the door, and you've got the pressure of being in the sky.

I wonder if you can open it while the plane's moving. Like, I wonder if there's some fail-safes. Well, I hate going with the impossibility and being like, you can't do it, but it's physically impossible to open a door mid-flight. Well, what if you're like Thor? Thor Bjornsson? What if you're a sonflight. Well, what if you're like Thor? Thor Bjornsson. What if you're a son of Odin?

What if you're like Eddie Hall, like one of those gigantic powerlifter strongman dudes? At cruising altitude, I should say. Okay, so up at like 30,000 feet. Impossible? According to this, Business Insider, which, you know, best source for this information. Yeah, they're aviation specialists.

Airplane doors are impossible to open at cruising altitude, which is about 36,000 feet. Pressurization mimic conditions at 8,000 feet above sea level to keep passengers alive. Imagine having the balls to, like, know that this person you're traveling with is completely insane. Like, maybe you're dating this lady, and she's like, I've got to get off this plane.

I've got to get off this plane. Shut up, Rachel. And she runs to the door. But you know the physics. Yeah. So you just go, yeah. What are you going to do? You're just doing a boyfriend in an argument thing.

Are you going to leave? You're going to open the door in the middle of the flight? Do you want to? Let's address this. Does that seem smart? Can we talk about this? Or are you going to try to open the door? Maybe that's selfish to the other fucking people on the plane that you just want to fly to the ground and everybody else has to.

The guy behind you is going, hey, don't prove nothing don't get her get your girl what's going on don't prove nothing don't what the fuck are you doing oh my god yeah that would be terrifying to witness because again you don't know how strong this bitch you know how strong this lady is people are crazy they're really strong they rip their arms apart trying to do something. Dude, if she did a bump of PCP before that plane took off, and then it was like, I'm going to start cooking at 30,000. My boxing coach got his finger bitten off on PCP

and had it replaced with his toe. What? Which toe? His second toe. Next to the big toe. That became his index finger. And he had it curved permanently so he could throw right hooks Wait, so his hand just looks like his hand he had he had this going on

So it's like a toe never really like shook his he shook his hand, but he got a finger in there So the toe was this part yes, the toe was this part So but it was permanently bent so you could pinch things with it right, but it was permanently back. So you could pinch things with it, right? But it was permanently bent. It didn't straighten out. It was like this. But you could do most of the things you could do if you had a finger there. But he got it bitten off in a street fight while he was on PCP. While he was on PCP?

Yes. That's why he walked away? Oh, my God. Okay. After the cargo door tore off in flight, caused an explosive decompression and ejecting nine people from the plane oh my god damn that was an 89 i remember that damn there was a flight and the people just got sucked out of the plane in mid-flight that was a hawaii flight right yeah going to honolulu yeah that's it near honolulu oh my god that's so scary man that fucking that always scared me when I saw it in movies whenever they show that they show the person

Yeah getting like Yeah, wild way. Yeah, bro, but also if you're ready for it. You could do some cool poses on the way out You could Superman Your brain would be flooded yeah with psychedelic chemicals because you would absolutely 100% know you're gonna die There's no way you're gonna survive and you would absolutely 100% know you're going to die. There's no way you're going to survive. And you would probably get a golden geometric pattern that opens up and takes you straight to the afterlife. Yeah.

You just come and shit at the same time. Your body's like, let it all in. And you just pass through and you pop on the other side, like on impact. Dude. And in reality, it just looks like a jelly sandwich hit the ground whoever's near you they never talk about those there's people that watch people land yeah you're just like oh it's coming through the air it's not good oh yeah it's splattering we were talking the other day about the the squirrel suit guy yeah slammed into uh the bridge did you ever see that

no i saw the one where he went down and just didn't get the one. Oh, didn't get? Yeah, so he just goes. This one guy hits a bridge and it sounds like a car accident because he hits this bridge going, who knows how fast they're going, like hundreds of miles an hour maybe.

It's like probably over 150 pound guy. He thought he was going to slide through the hole in the bridge and he just didn't calculate it right and he couldn't turn in time. You know, those extreme sports are awesome, but you gotta pull through in order for it to be awesome. Wow, that is crazy.

It's so crazy. And the screams of the people who realize what just happened. It's like, because they came to see this guy triumphantly fly through the bridge in a squirrel suit. Then you watch him get accordioned on a bridge. Oh, my God. Just getting fucking stuffed. Just the impact. fly through the bridge in a squirrel suit. Then you watch him get accordioned on a bridge. Oh, my God. Just getting fucking stuffed.

That's the impact. Yeah, that's got to be. That impact is so insane. If you're standing on that bridge and you feel that. Oh, my God. You would totally feel it. It would be like an asteroid. Yeah.

Yeah. It would be like a truck. Boom. Like a small, like a pinto. Right. I mean, you know, obviously Pinto is much heavier than a human, but I'm saying like... Listen to it.

I want you to listen to it. Oh, wow. I was saying... Okay, let me get that one first. Well, what do you got? Well, this is like a guy that crashed and survived. Oh, Jesus. Yeah.

To the point where he crashes. Is this a parachute guy or a wingsuit guy? Same, same. Wingsuit. Okay, Jesus Christ. He's going to survive this oh yeah boom so that's what he hits yeah impact oh oh my god there's someone following him so they have that oh does he pull out of it no he just tumbles to the ground yeah oh, oh Oh, he's got a parachute

But it wasn't open damn, dude. Do they have the audio of him being like? Sun melted his wing Oh, yeah, you put a deep quote on you fucking chomping it in a wingsuit being a crazy person a flying squirrel suit Yeah, put up that Icarus quote right when they see me eat grass Dude, that's fucking wild doing those extreme shit like that But I was saying if you're on that bridge and you that guy hits you I bet you get PTSD from that oh yeah Yeah, you bet I bet you wake up in the middle night. You hear that thud you hear that thud I bet you're like knowing what it is you're bridges are weird places to die

Because you know you're not supposed to be there anyway bridges are not supposed to be supposed to be a place where you stay it's like like imagine if you could have a house on a fucking bridge so here's the guy like Oh! Oh! Damn. Damn. Yeah, that guy hit. Like, I thought he hit the side of the bridge. I didn't realize he hit the fucking... He hit whatever was on the top of the bridge.

Oh, man. fucking he hit whatever was on the top of the bridge man oh he did hit the side of the bridge oh my god oh my god oh man sound it makes yeah and there's like there's like a big crew there so they knew that shit was gonna happen you watch that dude So look more like he was just trying to go over it. You just miscalculate I thought he was trying to go through like an opening I think I only saw this angle the first angle the second angle it looks like he was coming over the top of it Imagine he said 120 miles an hour on the video

On the video. Oh my god It's your fucking head hitting a beam And then that everyone severing everyone witnesses it. Oh my god, and then you got it You gotta be the first guy to leave gotta be like well I gotta get out of here everyone's like dude. I just died on the bridge like I'm late. Yeah, we're David Yeah, you're gonna go you have to throw away the rest of your day. Yeah, you can't go even you can't yeah exactly you like you're you're upset But you're also like well, you know, I didn't really know him. Yeah, we didn't know him at all Yeah, went to the spot where he's supposed to fly over. I saw it on the news. I was going to support Landed on the bridge. It's such a horrible way to die, too. Yeah squat being splattered

Yeah, no, thanksattered. Yeah, no thanks. It's probably instantaneous. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Your brain goes through your head. Boom. Everything's all at once, which might have to be, you know.

I always think about that when you're like, if you were to fall off a building, would you want to aim your head down? I don't think it matters. You don't think so? You don't think you could go legs first? Crush. Everything just explodes. But if it doesn't, So it matters you don't think so you don't think you go legs first Everything just explodes

Yeah, but nobody does that it's like one of the things they know when people are faking Passing out. Yeah, they always catch themselves Sometimes people catch themselves when they do are black now because they're not totally out But when someone pretends to be out cold and they catch themselves on the way down and then still pretend to be out cold like i just saw you catch yourself that's like your movement because you have to be like insane to let your face hit the ground that's nobody does that as a pro wrestling fan i always love when they do it i'm like that's so gangster yeah when they're like they just take a flop i mean rick flair that was his thing you do a couple steps and go face down on the man. Oh my god Yeah, just do but it's but nobody goes like this right face first

They just think it'll kind of go sideways a little right I think I mean Rick did all and with their face But he would do a walk and then drop his whole face and then get back up, right? But like when you see someone like what here's one example when Jake Paul knocked out Tyron Woodley Yeah, all these people were telling me that that was fake and you're like watch how he fell. Yeah, nobody falls like that Yeah, those knockouts are though when they crumble in a way where you're like, that's not he's not catching himself He fell face first. Yeah face first didn't stop himself at all The ones that always impress me are the knockouts were then the punch restarts the engine

Where they're like taking multiple punches and they're knocked out and then they get reawakened by like very rare yeah but seeing it you're like it's kind of a thing though it's a thing when a guy gets rocked and then sometimes he gets hit and the the that wakes him up somehow or yeah it's weird though it's not normal normally when a guy gets hit and he gets hurt the second punch hurts more more and then he gets knocked out generally it's like that yeah dude i would have just been like leave me asleep don't hit me again you fucking asshole i was nice and out maybe oh depends those guys all want to win they want to win so badly yeah they just keep part of what the restart is how high do you think the highest person to fall and survive fell from?

Oof. Oh, man. Yeah, you can't ask any questions. This might be a stupid. I'll just jump in there with a number. Go ahead. 1,000 feet? No.

High? I'm going to go on 100 feet. How big is 1,000 feet? 33,300 feet. That's cruising altitude. That's cruising altitude. I only know that because they always tell us that. What did he land on?

She, flight attendant. What? Only person to survive plane crash. What? 72. What? Yeah, they tried to figure out how exactly, and the speculation was right here. Here's what happened in the crash.

The fuselage separated from the rest of the plane and hurtled towards the ground in a heavily wooded area near the Czechoslovak village of... Good luck with that one. A crash landed in the thick snow at a favorable angle, which is most likely what saved Vesna's life. Additionally, Vesna's physicians determined that her low blood pressure caused her to quickly pass out when the cabin depressurized,

which prevented her heart from bursting upon impact. Holy shit. Vesna was found screaming inside the wreckage by Bruno Honke, a local villager and former World War II medic who was able to administer vital first aid before rescuers arrived. Wow. Although she survived, she sustained extremely serious injuries and spent the following days in a coma. She suffered a fractured skull, two broken legs, three broken vertebrae, a fractured pelvis,

several broken ribs, and temporarily paralysis below the waist amazingly veston was able to walk again after 10 months albeit with a permanent limp due to the twisting of her spine there's multiple people that have fallen from over 20,000 feet oh my god how is that fucking possible so she was in the plane oh yeah she's like the number one dude like you bring that up you see other articles she's like she's the known yeah I, yeah. She's like the number one dude like you bring that up. You see other articles She's like she's the known. She's like I'm I fell I fell from the heavens my god

surviving that Jesus Christ no one can complain to you the rest of their of your life. Just being like dude. I had a bad headache She's like yeah, I fell out of a plane. Oh, my God. I survived a 30,000 feet fall. Oh, my God. Fuck. This guy landed in a glass ceiling in Germany in World War II. His parachute didn't work. And it says the glass ceiling probably managed to save his life.

Damn. Oh, my God. He fell from, I think, somewhere in the range of 20,000 feet. The glass ceiling actually managed to save his life, cushioning the fall enough so that he only had some minor injuries Holy shit Bro oh my god 17th floor How did he live

Same sort of like landed on a roof Plummeting through the 17th floor of the building Onto an overhanging roof From there he fell to the ground Somehow landing on his feet Dude Sticking the landing Incredible hanging roof. From there he fell to the ground, somehow landing on his feet. Dude, sticking the landing? Incredible. He suffered

serious injuries including internal bleeding and multiple broken bones but was lucky to simply stay alive. That's what I mean. He lost his balance and fell through a window. Oh my god, fucking imagine when you're spacing out in the morning, you step on your sneaker wrong.

You go face first over the window. You're not 500 feet in the air every fucking morning. Jamie lives in the sky. Where do you live? Up high. Up high in an apartment building. Oh, man. So you're worried about it, huh?

You look out his window. He's in the clouds. Lightning is outside his front window. That's what Jay's apartment in New York's up there. It's like on the 23rd floor, and I'm like you're in Sky Palace Yeah, bro. It's a that's the best view in the world though Yeah the view in Manhattan when you are in like a tall building and you're in with all the buildings and you get to look out my friend's dad had a

He was like a banking financier type character And he had this apartment in manhattan and we went to it and checked it out it was fucking insane yeah it was fucking insane this was like when i was in my early 20s i'd never seen a place like this before you didn't know it existed no it was poor and we're we're in this place it was like holy shit the view was like like a science fiction movie oh looking down over the whole city. He's Looking down, but he's also in it. Yeah, so it's like there's all these lights and buildings It's all like right in front of you and at nighttime. It's fucking Spectacular and I was like oh I get it because I was like why would anybody?

Spend millions of dollars for a fucking apartment in New York City, and then I went to this guy's place I was like oh, this is what rich people do this is why they do it they do it for this crazy view. There's the old K-rock when I worked overnights there there you would go into the green room like the old Howard Stern green room There's these windows that would look over I want to say on like 58th Street or like 56th Street and there were these buildings that had fucking houses on them like Suburban houses on the top of these buildings and you're like that's a level of rich they weren't like complete like with a yard and shit but you saw it and you're like yo that's someone that's where someone lives for sure how'd you sit out there and look at

them and be like this is fucking crazy something about being on a porch and you look down and it's just city just death yeah just fall to my death at any moment any moment you could fall to your death in the like the house was back and i had a little bit of the roof be like this is fucking great how much money do you have to be to be like put a house on the building i know you've sold out all your apartments but hear me out i want to go on the roof four bedroom three bath that i would find in a very nice part of Long Island. Yeah. That's what I'm- Wow.

But this is like- That's a shitty one though. Yeah, they were like- But that's a gutter yard and shit. That's what I mean. That is wild. And the guy that worked- That's wild.

This old overnight guy, Cheezmo, that worked at K-Rock was like, dude, you want to see these houses? And I was like all fucked up. Look at that one. I was like, yeah, dude. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's crazy. Wow.

There's something about being that high it's so terrifying yeah absolutely wake up i bet you have the craziest nightmares oh we live on like the hundredth floor just falling especially if you do bong hits oh man if you fall on the floor falling from your bed you're like is this all do i go all the way down just that fucking primal reaction you're like yeah fuck that stay low stay low to the ground keep moving why are you up so high get out of there don't get duct taped do you know they say that it's a part of our primate past that we like to put the master bedroom upstairs because in the olden days you'd have to hide in the trees from predators yeah so when we were you know some sort

of lower primate we're trying to get away from big cats that's what they did they tried to hide in the high branches. Same kind of thing. I buy it. Like you're in the high, like if someone breaks into your house, you're above them. Yeah. What's going on down there? You always think about it.

You got to come up these stairs if you want to get me. That's most house you have, for real. That's what it is. It's just an old primate thing. Or the meat missile gets you. Dude, if you got that meat missile, open that door and give it a little whistle. Do you know how excited someone must be if someone finally breaks into a guy's house who has a meat missile, just trained and ready to go,

just sitting there every day, just sitting there every day hoping someone would. Hoping someone would. Today is your day. Yeah. Go feast my... Like the way that pit bull was acting on that treadmill, that's how they are.

I'm biting you in the dick. Just can't wait. I think that's how it feel to know karate And someone fuck with you. I feel like that's the same feeling when if someone if someone fuck with me and I was like Alright, here we go, baby It's very fun when you watch a video of a guy who doesn't know how to fight and he picks a fight with someone who does and He's a total douchebag and he gets flatlined

I can't even think of what the video would be called but on ebom's world when the old internet videos there was this guy i want to say british and they're in this alley and this guy's up on his porch yelling at him right and he's like fucking with his recycling bin and this fat dude's got his shirt tucked into his thing and he's just like talking you can't hear what they're saying but he's rattling it and then the guy steps out into the yard and just does this like confident pose And the guy that was yelling goes and he just does like two moves and just fucking knocks the guy out like that's cool Shit that was like. I know what I'm doing all right. Let's move a little farther out, and I'm gonna do it to you It was fucking cool. I wish I knew what that video was called. There's a lot of the videos

He's got a fat gut and and he just does something like that. It just fucks this dude up. I think I know what you're talking about. You're talking about the one that takes place in a parking structure, and he hits him with a leg kick, and then the guy moves to it. No, it's all hands. Okay. He just moves to the side and hits him once.

This one's even better. Oh, hell yeah. There's this dude with this cholo, and he's got a cigarette. He takes a puff of his cigarette before he decides he's going to fight this guy. And then he takes his shirt off. Okay? He takes his shirt off and he puts it aside. And he walks towards the guy like, man, I'm about to fuck you up.

And this guy backs up like a skilled fighter, hits him with a leg kick, lifts him up in the air. He falls crashing to the ground. The guy gets up like, oh, we kicking now? And he moves towards him again because he doesn't know what to do because he's fully committed to fighting this trained killer. And then the guy jumps on him, grabs him in a single leg and knocks him unconscious. So check this out. Oh, this is a different one.

Oh, this is where it starts. This is how it starts. So this guy's like chasing these guys off him. They're talking shit. Give me some volume. Mix this fool, Bronno. Mix this fool. Mix this fool. Oh, that's right. He fought this guy first. That's right. He fought two guys.

Damn. So he fights this guy first. Hey, keep it over here, dog. So he's fucking this guy up. The guy in the black shirt is the trade fighter. And then he's the guy that's by himself, and they're fucking with him. Look at that leg kick. Boom.

Yeah, dude. And he's fucking that guy up. Also, the way the other guy moves. He doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah. Keep that volume on. Hey, over here. Over here moves. He doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah. Keep that volume on. Hey, over here, over here. Keep it over here.

He said, why are you throwing kicks? What the fuck are you doing? Why are you throwing kicks? Only at this moment do I identify with that guy. We go, ow! You're lucky you didn't get kicked in the door. So he's leaving. He's saying, you're lucky.

So the guy's like, you want to keep going, bitch? Chill, boy. This is a fight, dog. It's cool. You don't want to fucking kick. It's all right. What are you? Want to kick the guys like you want to keep going bitch Yeah, you want to kick homeboy, yeah, so look takes this hit of a cigarette Is you want to kick? OG dude Who oh it's worse, so there's a leg kick watch this it chases after

Head on the concrete Cross-eyed yeah knocked him out cross-eyed. That's what happens You don't want that in your life to then just me walking up with my fucking car thing going like, I'm the Nissan. Chip, chip. I didn't see anything. Hey, guys, cool. I'm cool. I just need to go get some Wendy's.

That impact is horrible. Yeah, you hear that fucking. Does it say the guy's name? No. Oh. R.I.P. That guy's absolutely a trained fighter. Yeah, but that guy, it's like watching swimmers. They just know how to move in the water.

Yeah. Where they just could fucking well He was fucking up that other guy first another guy looked like he knew like a little bit like he was a little shocked This guy's fucking him up. Yeah, I keep probably felt like he could fight a little bit That's got to be a moment for you You're the toughest guy in the neighborhood and then you go against a guy that knows what he's doing and you're like fuck It's supposed to be this good But when I first started doing jiu-jitsu is one of the most humbling things I've ever experienced in my life

And I had won a bunch of martial arts tournaments Fuck, you're not supposed to be this good. When I first started doing jujitsu, it was one of the most humbling things I'd ever experienced in my life. And I had won a bunch of martial arts tournaments. That's crazy. And I started doing jujitsu and I was getting fucking mauled. I was stunned. I was like, oh my God, I'm so helpless. Yeah, then you just realize,

you're like, fuck, I don't know. That's how I felt when I was telling you. I sucked at football. You just have a guy grab you and just be like. Yeah, hold you down. And you're like. Yeah. Trying to move.

Fucking good. Let me out, dude. Well, you're a big guy, but you're a normal big guy. Yeah, just normal. There's other guys that are not normal big They're giant big yeah, there's a different level of big strong and aggressive Yeah, you know what's funny is I knew I wasn't aggressive when I was like five I knew I was a silly boy when I was five I love wrestling like I said lifelong pro wrestling fan, but I did rest I actually wrestled five, six, and seven. Oh, really?

Yeah. But immediately knew I wasn't good at it when you see these other little killers that are just like mow you down. I'd be like, hey, dude. As they're like double leg takedowning me, I'd be like, stop. You're taking this serious. I'd wrestle, but I knew, I just saw the difference where I was like, that kid only goes forward and I'm just wanting to hang out and bullshit. Yeah. I was like, dude, fuck this. I knew it wasn saw the difference where I was like that kid only goes forward and is and I'm just wanting to hang out and

Bullshit, you know, I was like dude fuck this. I knew it wasn't for me I was like god bless I wrestled one year my sophomore year in high school one year. You got to be It is a mindset wrestlers are the most impressive with their training. Yeah, they're the most mentally tough Khabib is insane like he's so fascinating to learn against but then also like dan gable and all those guys like that thought process you're like those are fucking tough you have to be you can't make it as a elite wrestler without being tough no one is just talented no one yeah everyone's disciplined everyone's got that everyone and they're not doing it for the money because there's no money in it how long the amount of money and like amateur wrestling is extremely small unless you're at Jordan Burroughs

He actually makes a great living doing tournaments, but he's the best of the best. Yeah, he's a Olympic gold medalist He's phenomenal. Just come to the WWE. He's a world champion I mean, he's like there's there's levels of levels, right? So at that level, but the regular level of like college amateur wrestlers, they're doing it for free. Yeah. And they are insanely dedicated, insanely disciplined, insanely conditioned, insanely skilled. They can walk right through you. Walk right through you.

There's a great comic, Greg Warren, who's so funny. I know Greg. Yeah. I know Greg from back in the day. He's a really good wrestler. He was an All-American in Missouri. Uh-huh. So you meet this guy and you're like, yo, you're so so funny. I know Greg. Yeah. Yeah, I know Greg from back in the day. He's a really good wrestler. He was an All-American in Missouri. Uh-huh. So you like meet this guy

and you're like, yo, you're so fucking funny and then you're just like, oh yeah, he could double leg takedown. Adam Hunter's a really good wrestler. Yeah, Adam Hunter was a great wrestler. There's like,

when you find out that, I always think it's fascinating because you're like, damn dude, you were really good at a very hard thing. Yeah, that's a mind. Yeah.

You have to be a strong strong person to do that it's and it's also like a a culture of suffering yeah like every guy likes to suffer more than the other guy like every guy likes to cut more weight every guy likes to do the extra miles like there was there was guys on my wrestling team that we would all be fucking exhausted after practice waiting for our moms to pick us up and these motherfuckers would be running laps and just yelling and you know just getting fired up and shit you're like oh my god they wanted it but those are the guys that won the like the fucking insane ones were the ones who were the winners yeah it didn't like um kurt angle win a gold medal with a broken neck yes a broken neck you gotta be yeah you gotta be fucking that's how you're you gotta be wired you gotta be

a different kind of human He was so good. He beat you guys with a broken neck crazy. That's how good he was like imagine if he was healthy Good yeah, imagine no neck problems. What do you how we would fuck you up? Yeah, that is a man It's like wrestlers when you see even when I played football in high school And you saw what the wrestlers had to go through for training you were like Like those stairs and the fireman carries all the shit that they would do didn't Dan Gable get to the Olympic

gold without having a point scored on him is that true? yeah he didn't have one point scored on him in the Olympics you know how fucking insane that is to be in international competition against the very best of the best in the biggest tournament on earth against the overachievers and savages that make up the mass of amateur wrestlers all over the world and

No one can even score a point on you In 1972 games in particular Gable won all six of his matches without giving up a point damn You don't know how hard that man is that's a hard man Like you don't you don't make it's hard to make a person like that. And that Sam Sheridan book, A Fighter's Mind, where he interviews Gable. It's one of my favorite interviews because Gable says the theory of killers in the room. You put people that really intimidate you around you and you're going to get better. And I always liked that.

That clicked on for me early in comedy. Where it was like, yeah, you got people around you that 21 olympic I mean 21 olympic qualification in olympic matches he scored 12 falls and outscored his nine other opponents 130 to one during his six matches at the Munich Olympics he went unscored upon that's fucking insane 130 to one you have to be like if you're the one You're like guess who got that fucking point on Dan Gable, but that's how good he was Yeah, and but I've met him and he's an amazing guy Yeah, and he paid a price physically like his body's got you know his knees and all these operations and It's a lot. He was a warrior.

He was a warrior. I mean, those guys, to be that mentally tough, you push through pain, you push through injury, you push through anything. It's a mindset thing, and that's a thing that wrestlers are known for. One of the things about MMA is, I mean, there's tough guys in everything, right?

There's tough guys in kickboxing. There's tough guys in jiu-jitsu. But almost all the guys who came from there's coffee in this area but almost all the guys who came from wrestling are tough like there's some there's some guys in other you know disciplines that you know maybe they're not known for being tough they're just different levels of skill and different levels of you know champions and stuff but with wrestlers it's like all of them. All of them are animals.

You obviously know much more about this than I would, but Dagestan. Oh, perfect example. Those guys, is that just place that just builds wrestlers that are unbelievable? Well, they're really technical. They're really aggressive, and it's really popular. And when you've got guys like islam makachev you've got uh khabib never met off you got all the other uh guys that have come out of dagestan that are high level wrestlers you got high level strikers uh zabit zabit came out of

there and he's a striker he's like a stand-up guy i mean he has a ground game as well but he's known for his like wild traditional martial arts techniques so it mean, he has a ground game as well, but he's known for his, like, wild traditional martial arts techniques. So it's just, it's a tough part of the world, man. They're tough fucking people, and they're really disciplined. And I think there's something about the fact that a lot of these guys are very religious. Yeah.

And I think there's something about that in terms of the reward of discipline and the adherence to a very strict moral, ethical ethical and behavioral code if that's how you're living your life if you're doing that wrestling it's it's almost like it's easy you're like i do this already in my normal life so this isn't going to be hard there's like a disproportionate amount of really elite fighters that are coming from that area and a lot of it also has to do with khabib's dad and uh unfortunately he died uh during the pandemic and now

khabib has taken over yeah and he's basically the the coach and now Khabib has taken over. Yeah. And he's basically the coach for those guys now, which is amazing. And I love that because Khabib, it's like Dan Gable who then went on to Iowa and just won all those championships as a coach. And it's like, you love seeing, I love seeing that.

I love seeing a fighter. His dad taught him how to coach too. Like he coached with his dad. So he'd always coach his teammates. And I mean, he grew up with like an elite trainer as a father which is amazing yeah that's gotta be you know i mean they all like worshiped his dad man that's got to be insane just saying or to be the member of the family that it just isn't aggressive books and

play dnd you go guys hold on my just like to live in my head my sarlacc got murdered by a war party and they're like dude you're fucking yeah fucking, yeah, that's gotta be. That would be a hard thing for a dude like that to just accept a son that just has no ambition to conquer. Yeah, Alexander the Meh. He's just like, I don't know. I kind of want to live off what you did. He's misanthropic.

Yeah, he wants to spend his time helping others. You're like, we dominate here. But it is. I mean, Alexander, there's got to be so many of those disappointments. You're just like, you build this thing up. Like Uday Hussain was a disappointment to a psycho father. Who is what? You know what I mean?

He beat his trainer to death. Is that what they said? He beat his bodyguard. He beat his dad's bodyguard. His dad's bodyguard. Which are like, you know, if it was that sitcom, he's like, Uday, did you kill my bodyguard Dad's but you're like you know if it was that sitcom he's like oh Did you kill my body guard at the party? I don't think it was his trainer. That's how high I am yeah I forgot already

Oh, yeah Imagine you have your favorite bodyguard and you're the king of Iraq and your son you come home your son turned him into a puddle Like what the fuck kind of a demon am i living with you think you're mad when your dog eats a pillow you're like dude you killed the guy that's supposed to protect me you know wild that is yeah you fucking maybe they were connected like maybe he was trying to tell his dad like hey your son is a fucking psycho yeah and he's like no he's fine yeah he's like did you tell my dad i was a psycho yeah did you say you say that? Oh fucking I'm gonna show my dad Oh my god, that's probably exactly what happened the feeding the soccer players to dogs is crazy

That was the thing that they said that they had kept dogs and they would feed people to dogs Now I don't know if that's a true story but that what I had read in one of the articles about him was the That they would just grab women and he would rape them and feed them to dogs. I mean, if a guy has a thing called a pleasure dome, he's either a swinger or he's going to feed those women to dogs. Either he sells Molly. Yeah. He's either into touchy drugs or he's going to fucking feed them to an animal.

Yeah. Because that's great. I mean, just like picking up people off the street. And if you're the son of a dictator Not even like we see what the children of politicians do imagine the absolute Just this much my father rules with an iron fist right you've seen him kill people You know what he's gonna do and I'm worse than him and you're like you probably saw him kill people growing up Yeah, right. Absolutely. I'm sure they executed people for treason or and we're mistrust or a dictator Doesn't just stay comfortable, right? There's people that come for you, right. Absolutely. I'm sure they executed people for treason or in mistrust or a dictator Doesn't just stay comfortable right? There's people that come for you, right?

Always always so you got a yeah He forced friends friends and party guests into his monkeys cage according to time who days demanding demeanor exceed Extended to leisure and frivolity at parties. He demanded others Match him in drinking, and his tolerance was notoriously high. Dude, you gotta be hungover and wake up in a monkey cage? He had a pet monkey named Louisa, and when he got drunk, he'd force other inebriated

party goers and friends alike into the animal's cage. Reportedly, Louisa also imbibed and would attack the guests tossed into her cage. So she was hammered? Yeah, get the monkey drunk and then make it fight his friends. Former bodyguards also detailed a cage of monkeys Uday kept at his club

specifically so that the animals could witness him assaulting women. What? He wanted monkeys to watch him rape? What? Click on that link. What the fuck? With the cage of monkeys link? It's a link?

No, it's a different link. Oh, it's a different thing? There's a real long story from Time Magazine where a bunch of that was coming from that was like really hard to read through

because it was a really old article. Damn, dude. This is not for that, though. Dude. A man? Bro. He had a place where he would assault women.

Like, he assaulted so many of them that he had a place and he had a cage full of monkeys that he would make watch. That he would be like, watch this, monkeys. Okay, the bodyguard said he was disgusted by Uday's activities. He points to a floor-to-ceiling cage in the corner of the club's kitchen where he says monkeys were kept for Uday because he liked to have the animals

watch him when he was deflowering virgins. Uday because he liked to have the animals watch him when he was deflowering virgins. It was his to make the singers who entertained Uday at the boat club gulp down a liter and a half of a cocktail, a combination of 90 proof alcohol, often with some drugs thrown in. I would line up the entertainment against the wall and the bodyguard said, point to the side of the garage and I would take a stick and I would say drink drink You have ten minutes if any of them didn't drink I hit them with a stick then if the singer still refused they were given a street beating

Meaning their faces were untouched, but they were pummeled until they could hardly stand up. Oh Damn man, and you're being for so he has a team of people outside right and just work just grab people for him What I want to talk about a good comedy is man I mean can you imagine walking into a funny bone and they're like drink this ten liters you drink this leader And you're like dude. I just wanted to do a new joke Yeah, about fucking about tinder and like drink this fucking booze You don't don't want to read that article unless you really want to like fuck with your mind yeah because it's ultimate evil it's that thing it's like it you see it's in the game of thrones it's

in all those tales of a king and he has an evil son like sometimes it's even a good king but the son grows up with ultimate power and he becomes evil and they are torturous and vicious it's like it's a cliche almost to have a torturous son of a dictator I wonder if they at one point started noticing that and they're like hey if you got a kid just send him to live with an uncle give him the fuck can you send him not to be we don't need a murderous psycho how did not raise a psychopath for dummies yeah if you're a king just send them to a cousin someone you know a college friend. Oh, you're gonna tell me more I mean this let's talk about them feeding to people to lions the Lions pounced I saw the head of the first student literally come off his body with the first bite and

Then had to stand and watch the animals devour two young men by the time they were finished There was little left, but for the bones and bits and pieces of unwanted flesh Fuck oh Hold on with the beginning of the story Ahmad was who says chief executioner last week as Iraq He celebrated the death of his former boss and his equally savage younger brother who say the death of his former boss and his equally savage younger brother, Cousset, he nervously revealed a hideous story. His instructions that day in 1999 were to arrest the two 19-year-olds on the campus of Baghdad's Academy of Fine Arts

and deliver them to Radwania. How do you say that? Radwania. On arrival at the sprawling compound, he was directed to a farm where he found a large cage. Inside, two lions waited. They belonged to Uday. Guards took the two young men from the car and opened the cage door. One of the victims collapsed in terror as they were dragged, screaming and shouting to meet their fate.

Ahmad watched as the students frantically looked for a way of escape There was none and this one it says the Lions pounce I saw the head of the first student literally come off his body with the first bite then had to stand and watch the animals devour the two young men Hold fuck. Do you know it's crazy if you think about it is almost worse for the executioner because the guys like Clean you know what I mean he has to sit through it all he's not dying This is what when a woman was pregnant she was beheaded. Hi he beheaded her I and the woman was beheaded knowing she was probably I don't

Like this goes on and on and on and on there's a shitload of those stories. He was a serial killer Yeah, which is insane. He was killing for pleasure and fun and shit and he had ultimate power ultimate power and he was uh he was killing for a thrill yeah and then i mean i think you are so happy when the united states military shows up you're like oh my god please do this fucking guy one of the things said that at the dark day was when he found the internet oh and started looking up ways to torture people online and then started oh that shit out. Dude, you're like, no, don't do that. He's like, I found this thing called Google. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. You know, what's wild. Let's think of this. What do you think would have happened if the United States didn't invade

Iraq the second time? The second Iraq war didn't break out. What do you think that would be like now? I have no idea. i feel like middle east politics is so tricky with the way that all the power struggle is and everything that is do you imagine if his sons were still alive i mean this comes out after someone dies and you're like would you have seen that had they stayed alive would it have been more prevalent would have gotten worse would it have because you know hussein fairly old when he was executed right he fucking might have been dead by now and they would have imagine that

power struggle right imagine the son's trying to take over from the dad oh my god definitely try to kill their dad there's no way they're not trying to kill everybody I bet I bet that like you said like with the bodyguard I bet that was a thing yeah where his dad was like shit who day got Billy like with the bodyguard, I bet that was a thing. Yeah. Where his dad was like, shit. Rah.

Who they got fucking Billy. Who they got Billy. He probably gets everybody, man. He literally raised a monster. Yeah. And were they arrested? Were they detained by the U.S. Monster? I think they were killed. They were killed.

Yeah. In their palaces, right? I don't know. I don't remember. Because you wonder if you're like- I'm trying to remember. If they tried to get him. If they were like, we're going to try to bring you in. Oh my God god. Why would you yeah? I don't study him. Oh, Jesus Christ interview him be like what the fuck's going on

There's ever a justification to just kill someone when you find them those guys just give about seven examples Yeah, but that's what that is the number one cliche of the sons of these dictators Yeah, in that wild Yeah, that's like where that you have to think about monarchs, right? You know think about like kings and their their prints the Sun takes over and they go on for generations after generations Like how fucking psycho is like generation three and four. Well, you have to match your grandpa's energy You got to reach up and be like I got fucking nah man I kinda wanna do my own thing Yeah he's the guy that took over the kingdom

Yeah that you fought for And took it over and then to rule it You always wonder if you're one of the Serfs or one of the peasants in that place And you see the new guy and you're like Could be better This guy might be nice And then you see him do that shit and you're like

God damn it another fucking king You imagine what that must have been like I would love Maybe yeah, then you see him do that shit, and you're like god damn it another fucking king You imagine what that must have been like I would love this moments in history that if I could have a fucking time machine to have a realistic view of what it was like that would be one to see what it would be like to see like King Henry the eighth and See all the peasants in the village below him and he's like eating a giant fucking turkey leg and shit He's off that wall and ankles. He's got fun his wives when he doesn't like him anymore Yeah Just munching and killing and then you you have to like see the difference between those people and then the rather regular people that are

Right next to him like how crazy this is they have like the you know the the the civilians Yeah, the regular people the peasants the people that aren't the royalty They have to stand outside the gates and watch and know that all their money goes to this guy Just for him to watch rolls the military and he was just born into this Yeah, his dad was a king and he's a prince and then that's why I mean by the third generation Yeah, you're dealing with a third generation of everyone else being like they're inbred by then Yeah, dude, the goofy teeth weird blood and they're ruthless and but they're like by the yeah But that also that inbreeding really ramps that shit up you gotta got an inbred guy being like i want to torture i want to torture

everybody but they but you think of that third generation of everyone else and entitled raised by entitled people so entitled psychopaths raised by entitled psychopaths that's what i mean though but to keep that power oh my god God. And you got third generation psychopath and third generation civilians that are like, we're gonna fuck you. Off with his head. Yeah, and they're like, okay. Yeah, imagine having the power to just look at someone

and go off with his head. Yeah. They just chop your fucking head off and that's legal. Yeah. It's a legal execution. Execute him. Yeah. The king would like him dead.

Oh, you, sir, have insulted the king. You splashed mud Yeah, your head comes in a basket. They hold it off for you good. Give him to the dogs It sounds like something we'd be doing now with overpopulation, but then they were just doing it for fucking shits and gigs Well, it's something we would do now if people get ultimate power if someone had ultimate power like that That's just seems to be a horrible thing for people just like we were talking earlier about like i'm a guy wins all the time like you gotta lose yeah like it's important to lose like there's a balance humility you can't always be comfortable that's not good either you

gotta there's like a there's a balance yeah but there's a balance of power and you can't have too much power because too much power is is an intoxicant that it seems like very few can ignore or manage. It seems like most that get into that position act ruthlessly. They act like psychopaths. Well, because they don't fear anyone. There's no balance of anything. So you can't get to the point where you're a king and you can never get voted out. You can't get to that point because that's what those guys are.

And also no one's going to disagree with you. Exactly. Because you got all the shit. You're going to be so delusional. You're not even going to be able to communicate with people in a normal way. Because they're all going to withhold information from you. They're all terrified of you. Yeah.

Just get it done. That's why humility. Did you see that movie, The Dissident? No. It's about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi. Okay. Do you know what that is? No.

Jamal Khashoggi was a reporter for the Washington Times, or the Washington Post, rather. I do know. The Saudi Arabian. Yes. And they said that the Saudi prince ordered the hit, and the nine guys walking in, and then- It's dark. Yeah. It's dark.

So imagine this is happening today, with all the internet and all the ability to talk about this, and films being made about it, and countless articles being written about it. Imagine when it was like 100 years ago, 200 years ago, 500 years ago. We were talking about that before the podcast where it's like bank robberies in the 80s. Just go do it. Oh yeah.

And then just go to another town. Put a fucking mask on. That one fucking knows. In the 1800s. Yeah, 1800s you just go right around. I don't know, I'm gonna knock off that stagecoach. I bet they robbed banks constantly. There's no. Became a job. I'm going to knock off that stagecoach. I bet they robbed banks constantly. There's no-

Became a job. Yeah. Right? A bank robber is like a thing. Other robbers don't have its own name. Yeah. A bank robber, because it was so successful. I guess car thief.

Horse thief. Horse thief. There were those. But like, oh, she's a purse stealer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they do. With Kuklinski, in that book by philip carlo they

talk about they didn't have a national database like the like didn't have right they weren't sharing information the way they share information now right so kuklinski could go and kill in florida come back up to new york or like shoot kids in north carolina at a truck at a truck stop and no one knew that they were all connected until he was like, yeah, I did that. That makes sense. Yeah. That's why I'd go to Bucks County, Pennsylvania to drop those bodies in when he lived in New Jersey.

Cause he's like, I'm up in New Jersey. It's a different state. No one fucking knows. Wow. Yeah. That totally makes sense. Yeah. Cause you're just like, there's no, they're not sharing anything.

I can get away with this. The internet changed everything. Everything. Made criminal. When you're a good criminal now, when you get away with something. Respect. A lot of them are like the Bitcoin criminals now. Or crypto criminals.

They're trying to steal people's crypto coins. I know nothing about that. So it's so fun to think about someone just lurking around being like, I'm a crypto. I'm a crypto burglar. You're like, I don't even know. I don't even know what the fuck it is. So good luck. That's the real scary crime these days know. I don't even know what the fuck it is. So good luck. That's the real scary crime these days.

It's like digital crime. That's what people are worried about. That's terrifying. Yeah. You ever had a notification on your email where they're like, someone used your Netflix. Like, and that's my mom. I'm like, oh, all right.

You were signing in on your Apple TV. Netflix apparently has got a plan to crack down on that. Good luck. Yeah. They said they had 100 million people illegally using their passwords. I can give you four names right now on Netflix. Call me up.

I'll rat on four people I know. How is it so easy to do? You just log in. You just tell your friends. But you just log in with multiple devices all over the place? Yeah, I'm telling you. I've gotten that email. My mom-

I guess in a desire to make it more convenient for you that you could watch it on your phone You could watch television. I have it on my laptop. I have HBO like I have my HBO max open on my laptop I have it on my PlayStation right it's like I can watch it right so one you could one could be a different thing It's just a complete different person right and we're gonna be a complete different person Yeah, could be you're watching two different shows. do you you know what i mean maybe i'll have two different tvs there's gonna be a comment just a netflix monitor that's like all right i have severe adhd i like to watch things on two different screens okay show me all the devices i watch a laptop while i'm watching a regular screen i do that all the time dude yeah i used to play video i'd put your podcast on and play video games oh that's different though like

but podcast is perfect because it's just a conversation like you can tune in tune out I do that with last podcast on the left I love I just put it on and I play video games and then all of you like oh what it what did a Jack the Ripper do? Come back in that's how I found that Dahmer party book cuz I was like damn sounds hold on rewind that podcast the shit sounds intense I wish I could remember all the cool things that I figured out or rather was told on this podcast. Oh, my God. I wish I could remember because there's so many fucking people have told me cool shit.

Have you ever thought about- So many things that we Googled and figured out. Jay and I did this thing on the bonfire because we have topics that we'd start and then go somewhere else. Right. This guy was like, I want to go through and find all the topics that you never finished. It's like, that's seven years of that. Oh, that's a lot. And the guy gave up. Yeah. The guy was in it for a little bit and he's like and i respect the fuck out of the effort but you don't you know if someone did that for you and found all the stuff

you were told from you know what i mean right yeah oh and just put it in the great book of knowledge things you've said multiple times yeah you. You've told this story four times. You always know that. But at least it clogs, like it fucks it up for liars. Yeah. It's like if you lie and you forget your lie, you know, you're making up stories.

And then you're coming back and being like, well, actually what happened is like we got proof that this is different. Yeah. You told a different story. You told a complete different story.

It's the memory, the human memory is definitely limited. Yeah. I can tell you for a fact. At least mine is. I only have room for so much. I have terrible short-term memory.

You smoke a lot of marijuana. I know. But I have great long-term memory. I can remember some stuff, most stuff. Things that I care about, I can remember. Like I'm very good with like MMA stats and statistics and I can recall past fights and stuff like that I know wrestling matches

Boxing matches I can talk about boxing matches from the 80s when I was young I'm a very but even then sometimes I get it Wrong. Yeah, I mean stand-up. I always loved that because you know growing up such a big fan I was also the first generation to grow up with Comedy Central Nonstop how did they fuck it up? I don't know dude. What did they do? I don't, cause they had it. What did they have?

They have South Park now. South Park and the Daily Show. Do they have other good shows? Oh, the Daily Show still. But that's all it is. What else do they have? I don't really know. I don't really know, but I know.

They were on top of the fucking world. You would go to Comedy Central if you wanted to laugh. But also it was so consistently, when I was growing up, it was so consistent you'd put on at 2pm and watch a premium blend. Well, when they went bad on Ari, that was a bad sign, not just of the fact that they were willing to do that, but that's the direction. That's how they think about it.

Yeah, it was, talking to Ari about that, because I had a story and Jay had a story, and we both reached out to Ari and we're like, dude, we'll cancel. And he was like, please don't. He's like, I need that crew to work. And he picked- Yeah. He was actually going to pay them all, like for all their wages if they didn't have to work. Yeah. He was trying to figure out how he could do it. Maybe he was going to take out a loan.

But he was also very hands-on with who got the show and Roy Wood Jr. rules. Yeah. Roy Wood Jr. is awesome. He's one of my favorite comedians. He's the perfect guy to have that. Yeah. And he perfect sensibility he's a funny guy he's a great host he's he's great everything all the above but the way they did it was just so crazy like so you can't do a Netflix special if you do a Netflix special and you don't do a Comedy Central special for less money and less exposure we're gonna cancel your Comedy Central show. Yeah. Like, what? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? That's where you start being like,

well, if you were smart, you'd be like, go do the Netflix thing. But the thing is like, which would bring more eyes to the Comedy Central show. That would be smart. But the thing is like,

are you contractually obligated to do a special at Comedy Central? If not, then this should be a no-brainer. Do you have an exclusive where you could only be on Comedy Central? And it didn't seem like there was. But it was like,

watching him get fired from a show that he created. I was there when he created it, man I was there in the early days at the lab the improv Yeah, it was just called this like I think he called it unnamed storyteller No, and was it in the beginning he would have like different names for like what are the subjects? I think he's bringing that delica. Yeah, I think he's bringing back the Storyteller cuz we did it at the Ryman as part of the national. No, no. He calls it the unnamed storyteller show.

That's not what he called it back then. Oh, okay. Back then he would have like names for each individual subject. Well, that's kind of how he did the episodes when it became a show where he'd be like sex would be an episode. Right. Psychedelics. Right. No, that is how he did it.

But what I'm saying is that he would name it that. It didn't have a name. It wasn't like unknown. He became This Is Not Happening on Comedy Central, but before then, it was just like whatever the subject was, I think. Yeah. I think it would just be Ari Shaffir Presents Psychedelica, and people would go knowing that it was a storyteller show.

He'd explain it at the beginning. He would tell a story, and then he would bring people up, and they would tell stories. But he had this idea that it would be a great way to work on bits Because people would accept the fact that it is a story So you don't feel as constrained to the setup punchline set up punchline and allow you to maybe explore Ideas that you you didn't really know how to breach just on stage during a regular act with your tight material Yeah, he perfect. He was also very encouraging about it where he would be When when I did the show, actually at Moon Tower Comedy Festival,

I did his show and I did this story about being in college and living with a weed dealer and getting robbed. And I got off stage and he's like, listen, we're going to film in June. Have it ready by then. And so then I would just be on the road

and work this story out in the middle of the act and it was So fun so fun learning how to it really taught me how to like write differently Yeah, it's an exercise in writing and it's Ari's idea. It was 100% created by Ari I watched it happen and it was a unique way to tell stories like he he decided to put together Theme based shows and have people go up and fuck around with stories like you call me up do you have any stories about drugs you know and we'd have a fucking he would put on a drug show and you know some of them didn't work and some of them i pursued and one of them i wound up doing

on his show on youtube it was fun yeah it was um but the thing is like it didn't make any sense that they they did that and when they when they did kick him off a show that I watched him create, a show that was, like, uniquely suited to his personality, too. Like, he had a passion for that. It was like, okay, they're going downhill. This is not good. Yeah, and I also think the streaming services kind of blew everyone up because they had such a way.

Cable had such a grab on it yep from the 90s they were like where are you guys gonna go they had that attitude at the end like where the fuck are you gonna go and streaming was like right here everyone's gonna go to streaming and now i can't imagine appointment television now is fun when appointment is a great way to put it appointment television yeah when you're like, Sunday night, I'm going to sit down and watch this show, and I'm going to keep caught up with the show. Because now most of the time you're like,

did you watch the season of... Now binging's normal. DVR has changed everything, too. DVR has changed it first, and then streaming and binging changed it. I'm binging Yellowstone right now. I know a lot of people love that. Fucking good, man.

I was a little skeptical. Yeah, I'm watching that winning time. But see, man. I know a lot of people. I was a little skeptical. Yeah, I'm watching that winning time. But see, here's the thing about the Lakers show on HBO. They're doing episodes weekly, and I binged, and I think I'm about to hit. Oh, no. And I'm like, no. I told Jay, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

I need more. I need more. Give me the whole fucking season. I got that with Succession. Yeah. Succession's fucking awesome. And I got to the end. I was like, no! More!

More! Yeah. Yeah, you just wait for it. You have to wait. Yeah. Ozark is, and I got to the end. I was like no more more Yeah, yeah, you just wait for it to wait yeah, Ozark. It's another one. You got a way I got to get into that that's the one I'm in next to that's that's my next damn It's good, and I think the next ones that come out are the last ones I think they come out like next week right is that when Ozark comes out, and that's it That's almost like a end of the show is you know it's gonna be fucking insane that's almost like a binge challenge and that's it that's almost like the end of the show

you know it's gonna be fucking insane that's almost like a binge challenge you're like can you get there next week and you're like

you want to you want to it's that good it's one of the best shows of all time I love Jason Bateman too yeah it's fucking amazing I gotta wrap this up

brother tell everybody where you're gonna be how they can find you yeah Winnipeg rumors DanSoder.com I'm gonna be in

Philly at Helium gonna be in Tampa Bay at Sidesplitters I'm just on the road DanSoder.com I'm going to be in Philly at Helium Going to be in Tampa Bay at Sidesplitters I'm just on the road DanSoder.com Listen to the Bonfire Twitter

SiriusXM Satellite Radio Me and Big J's show That's right My friend Bruce Listens to that Yeah we love You know

Love doing the It's on Faction Talk 103 Beautiful Listen to the There's the Schedule Helium

Yeah Kangaroo Helium in Philly One one of the greatest clubs of all time. Oh, my God, I love Philly. All right. Thank you, brother. It was a lot of fun. We've got to do this more often. Hell yeah.

100%. Yeah, very fun. Do some shows together, too. Yeah. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Thank you.