The Joe Rogan Experience - #1822 - Chris DiStefano

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Chris DiStefano is a stand-up comedian, on-air personality, host of the "Chrissy Chaos" podcast, and co-host of "Hey Babe!" podcast with Sal Vulcano. His new Netflix comedy special "Speshy Weshy" is now streaming. https://chrisdcomedy.com/

the Joe Rogan experience and we're up Chrissy D in the place to be what's happening baby thank you for having me my friend my pleasure I'm glad you wore that shirt oh yeah I was gonna wear one just like it like this like no Miami vibes I um where'd you get that this is from a company called the roosevelts um rsvlts and um they sent me a bunch of shirts and i got that kind of body where i'm like somebody said once that i had leading man face best friend body a casting director which was crushing but casting director but an accurate description yeah and i was like oh that's nice so here's the thing though yeah you can change your body you can't

change your face yes that's the truth leading man face is a great thing to have yeah the rest of it is like workable I have these like like no matter since I've been a little kid I've just had like these like puffy nipples even when I was like skinny and ripped I just always had just nice nipple fat and this shirt what I've learned is wearing shirts with a lot of patterns like this distracts from the nipple fat I actually was flying out here yesterday and I was wearing this green shirt and I when I went to the and I was wearing a book bag and when I went to the bathroom my tits were like pointed out like this I was like I gotta change my shirt and then I just changed my shirt in the public bathroom at JFK and then I just threw that shirt out in the garbage

wow was that bad well I think I make it worse in my head probably I just threw that shirt out in the garbage. Wow. Was that bad? Well, I think I make it worse in my head. Probably. I just usually, I've been trying to do be better, you know, like good wolf, bad wolf, like that ancient native American thing. I've been trying to, I've been trying to not feed that bad wolf. I've been trying to feed the good wolf over the last two weeks, but it's harder. It's very hard for me to feed the good wolf. Cause I usually just get up every day and I'm like you piece of shit Asshole loser chris I honestly think that's better than getting up and going chris. You're the fucking man

Yeah, I don't think i've ever said that once about myself in any situation even comedy I've never i'm just always like I just always feel like a dummy after almost everything I do. It's not that, I know it seems like it's bad, but it's not the worst thing in the world because it makes you work a lot. Yeah. It makes you work harder. Yeah. I always, like today I went to the gym hard, hour and a half, as hard as I could, tried

to eat right, you know, stay focused. And I was in there, I did it. But as time is going on, I'm 37 now. I got three kids. I'm kind of just realizing like when I, if I'm going to get in shape again, it's really, I'm doing it for other guys because women don't care. My girl doesn't care. Any woman has always been like, no, you look big. You look like a, like a, like a Metro sexual Viking or something. You don't, you look bigger, but guys always like nice tits. I can see see that you're you know, I can see you got back fat When I'm like trying to work out hard

Guys like bro nice back fat. Yeah, imagine that was like something you cultivated You remember like Ruben esque women back in the day in like the 1800s or whatever it was I guess earlier than that they used to be hot big giant ladies yeah who ate a lot because it was rare to get that much food well yeah i mean i back in the day i mean i feel like it was if you were like if you had a lot of weight on you it's because you were rich the rich imagine the rich used to be and then the poor were skinny now it's the opposite right but with the food shortages what if like getting back fat comes back into fashion honestly we got food shortages coming according to Biden.

If that happens and everybody gets real skinny, maybe like having some back fat will be a thing. People are like, dude, nice back fat. What have you been eating? Yeah, I'll be one of those hot 40 under 40 guys. Just like back and nipple fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's been one of those things. And you know what it is with me?

You know, I think what happens is because I look like I could potentially be in shape. I'd rather just be all the way fat because what happens with me is it's usually a letdown for women. Because multiple times in my life, I've been hooking up with a girl and they thought this or that about my body. And then I'll take my shirt off with the lights on and they'll go, oof, something like that. Wow, they make that noise? One girl, she was like, I swear, one time I was hooking up with this girl and I took my shirt off and she went, oh.

And I just stood there kind of like looking down and then we turned the lights off and we had, I guess, relatively good sex. Maybe not. Actually, no, I will say no. We didn't because I've noticed I when I was single, I would hook up with, you know, relatively good amount, healthy amount of women, but almost exclusively never hook up with the woman a second time. So I think that my performance in the bedroom isn't really that great. Well, were you trying to follow up to date these

ladies again yeah yeah i would and they would just ghost you yeah you i i was the guy who pretty consistently got ghosted it got so bad there's this porn star owen gray you know owen gray no he's the only guy porn star i watch shout out owenornhub, he's the only guy, like if you looked at my search history, like my girl Jasmine, my mother, my children, my girlfriend, she's multiple times like sat me down and be like, if you're gay, tell me you're gay. And I'm like, why do you

and I'd be like, why do you think I'm gay? And then she's like, because when I look at your search history because we share a computer, she's like, all I see is this man, Owen Gray. And I'm like, if when I look at your search history, because we share a computer, she's like, all I see is this man, Owen Gray. And I'm like, if you can believe this, I'm watching him to try to learn from him to have sex with you better. And then she's like, I don't believe you. Because he does. He's just a pretty, you know, well-physique guy, tatted up.

But the way he has sex with these women and goes down on them and kind of Passionately makes love to them. I was like I need to incorporate this but it doesn't it really doesn't work It doesn't plan it, but is it like a self-image issue? Like what do you think about it is well first with first of all every time I go down on a woman I get a sore throat so that ways pretty much exclusively like a Ricola in your mouth before you do it I've tried everything. i also have a short tongue so it doesn't so i always my tongue which from what owen gray does is he he uses a lot of his tongue and my tongue doesn't really uh it doesn't have the um endurance because it's so short like

i i all my friends when I was a teenager everyone went and got their tongue pierced and I was going to do it. I was brave enough to do it. Wait a minute. All your guy friends got their tongue pierced? It was a big thing. You did it too? Almost all my guy friends did.

What happened there? I was in metal bands so I've been leaning towards that crowd. That's weird. Yeah. Jimmy, you kind of look like John Travolta. Did anyone ever tell you that? Yeah.

Do people tell him that all the time? Not recently, but yeah. You do have a, because I've never seen you. I've heard of you, but there's really no pictures of you online. While I was watching Owen Gray last night, I tried to incorporate you. And I never, but you do have a John, but not, but I mean like a in shape, good looking. Thank you. What did Gad said?

He said you look like Alec Baldwin. No, it was Bill Maher. Bill Maher said it. Yeah. Because John Travolta now looks like if you and Joe had a baby. That's what John Travolta looks like right now. If you just put John's face on Joe's head. There you go.

I met John Travolta once. You guys ever meet him? Yeah, I met him. Yeah. Yeah, I met him at Fear Factor. His wife, Kelly Preston, since passed, she was on the show. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. guys ever meet him yeah i met him yeah yeah i met him at fear factor his wife uh kelly preston at since passed uh she was on the show oh wow yeah yeah i did um david letterman in 2013 and it was first time on television doing anything and it was a big deal for me not only get stand-up on

on letterman but john travolta was the other guest so i remember like that week like my mother was just telling all her friends she was like i'm good i'm gonna go see john travolta was the other guest. So I remember like that week, like my mother was just telling all her friends, she was like, I'm gonna go see John Travolta on Letterman. And I was like, also like your son is doing standup, but she never, she just cared about Travolta. She was like, I can't believe, like she was kept picking out different dresses. She was like, what do I wear?

And so I did, and my mom and dad who were divorced, it was one of the first times, because before I had my kid, my first child. So before I had my first child, my mom and dad never talked. They had like a divorce and they just, you know, especially as I got over 18, they were just like, we don't talk anymore. So it was one of these things where like, it was the first time where like my mom and dad were going to be in the same room. And so it's like all nerve wracking. And I'm about to go do the show. I bought a suit the night before from this place, Joseph A. Bank. It was in like a strip mall in Syosset, Long Island. And it was

like three sizes too big. So I just had this oversized suit on. I was like really nervous. And I go down and John Travolta is on the couch, you know, crushing it. He's John Travolta. And then I'm about to go up next to do stand-up and he um the you know the commercial break happens and he's walking out and I'm standing there like nervous with my 3x suit and he stops and he looks at me and he goes you have on a beautiful suit I was like thank you I was like I feel like it's too big and he was like no it's beautiful I was like oh yeah and my mom's standing right there fucking dying that Travolta's like looking at me. She's like trying to smell his breath. And so Travolta says to me, he goes, what do you do?

What's your talent? I'll never forget, he goes, what's your talent? I was like, oh, I'm a standup comic. And he was like, ooh, very nice. And then he was like, you seem a little nervous. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And then he puts his hand on my chest, like just puts his hand right on my chest.

Like, right in the middle. Right in the heart. Right in the heart. No, seriously. Like, right in the middle. And I was in my head because I was like, you know, I got fat nipples. So I was like, I hope he doesn't think, like, you know, I'm not jacked. And then he goes, why is your heart beating so fast?

And I was like, because you're John Travolta and you're massaging my nipple. why is your heart beating so fast? And I was like, because you're John Travolta and you're massaging my nipple. And he goes, don't, it was, he goes,

don't be nervous about what you're about to do. And he goes, you've done it already. And I said, no, I'm actually going on after you. I haven't done it yet.

He goes, no, you've done it already. It's over. And I was like, are you stupid? I, no.

Are you dumb fuck? I was like, I was like, i'm going on next and he was like the work is done and then i i was just like what do you mean and then the whole time his hand is on my chest he goes i'm sure that mr letterman had to vet you personally i'm sure that Mr. Letterman had to vet you personally. I'm sure that you've had to practice this set a thousand times before you got to this moment. So the work is over. So now you just have to go be in the present. That's your only job is to be in the present because the set that you're about to do is done.

You've completed the work already. Now it's just living the moment, which is the fun part of the hard part of the journey. But the hard part is over. All these words. And my heart is like slowly going down. Like I swear, I was getting like very, very calm. And he goes, I'm going to stand right here and I want to watch you live this moment. He goes, this is rare that I get to see this at the level I'm at in my career, to see someone get to begin their journey in entertainment he goes i'm going to see her i want to watch every second of this i'm going to be here for you and i and with that the letterman

people are like chris you're on next and give me that little push david letterman this whole time i hadn't even listened david letterman was already being like and our next guest you know stand-up comic you know making his uh appearance making his national television debut on the david letterman show i didn't even hear any of the part. I just hear, please welcome Chris DiStefano. And with that, I'm going out. Yeah, look at how big my fucking suit is. Hold on.

Play it out. Play it out. Go from the beginning. So you had just been touched by John Travolta. He is in that back corner. Literally, if you look closely, I almost have a boner. And look at how big that suit is. Oh, it looks good.

How you guys doing? I'm from New York. I put on the New York accent. That was dumb. I don't pronounce our R's. It's not New York. It's New York. Just skip the R always. We don't need to do this to you. Yeah, it's all good. And it's the worst thing ever. I know. Anybody

who wants to have like a viewing party with their special i'm like what the fuck is that i don't want to explain that to me i've been invited to those before i don't ever i just had a netflix special come out especially on netflix and they were like do you want to do a view congratulations thank you and i was like do you want to do a viewing party did they were like do you want to do a viewing party i said absolutely not i said as a matter of fact i don't even want you to tell me what date it's being released. I don't want to know anything about it. I literally, I still, I won't watch it at all. I'll watch it for myself to, you know, try to get better.

But have other people make them do that? Never in a million years. Not in a million years. Just like I don't want you to come to my birthday party. Like, I don't need that at all. You don't need to celebrate me. Well, a birthday party is not the worst thing in the world, but there's something about a... A birthday party is for everybody.

You sing happy birthday, it takes five seconds. But the party's for everybody. But a special thing is like, look at me. Come watch me. It's me everybody. By the way, how did you like me? Here I am. It's not... I don't want to do it at all.

I don't even like watching the edits. Like, do I have to edit a special? Ugh. I fucking hate it. Well, the Netflix special, what was awesome about that experience was, is because I was going to put it on YouTube. I was like, everybody was saying no to me. Netflix said no.

HBO said no. Everyone was saying no, no, no. So I said, you know what? Fuck this. I'm just going to put it on YouTube, self-produced, directed by homeless pimp Mike Lavin, who does all my podcasts. Great guy. And we said, we're just going to do this together. I'm going to give it to YouTube self-produced it directed by homeless pimp Mike Lavin who does all my podcasts great guy and we said we're just gonna do this together I'm gonna give it to YouTube I don't care whatever the views are they are everyone's saying no fuck everybody and at the end of the special I even say I'm

not given this is on YouTube thank you for the for the to the fans for giving me a career here I'm putting the shit on YouTube but if Netflix wants to buy it you know I'll sell it to you and then then, so I just made it. And then we were going to put it on YouTube in like three days. And then my agent was like, let me just send this to Netflix. And so when we sent it to Netflix, they got back to us in like 12 hours. They're like, we'll buy this. And then I got on a call with them and I was like, look, I know it's going to sound insane what I'm about to say. I said, cause I absolutely respect you Netflix. I really, really do. I said, because I absolutely respect you, Netflix. I really, really do. I said, but I'm happy with where my career is now and where it's hopefully going. I said, so I will give this to you, but no notes at all. It has to be as is.

Damn. And I said, I know that, and I even said, I said, I know I'm not a legendary comic or anything like that just yet. And I know that I maybe don't have any power to you. I get that. I said, but I'm so comfortable with just having the career that my fans are giving me with completely avoiding corporations up until now. So I will give this to you, but you have to let me put it up, no edits and let me keep 15 minutes of it to put on my own YouTube. And that's it. And they were like a little shocked. They were like, are you okay? And then I said, very respectfully, I said, I don't think I'm bigger or better than you. There's none of that's true. I said, I have the life that I want in the career I want without you guys right now.

I said, so I'm going to continue focusing on that. But I would love to have it on your platform. But I just want the final say in everything. And they gave it to me and they they put it on. And it was on the trending now page for for a pretty long time and i think that's because of the podcast fans and the internet fans like pushed it over it didn't make the top 10 or anything but i'm you know pretty proud of it i think john top 10 of what you know how like netflix top 10 it makes it into the netflix does a top 10 oh these are the top 10 like most viral uh shows we have yeah but come dude they have hundreds of thousands of shows yeah i guess that's right i mean you can't think like i fed

the bad wolf again yeah the fuck that wolf yeah you can't think like that at all the top 10 like why why do you care i know i'm well because i go through i go through phases where sometimes i care sometimes i don't well i was fascinated by that because you're this good looking guy you're a very good looking guy and i pay attention to your that because you're this good-looking guy. You're a very good-looking guy. Thank you. And I pay attention to your stuff, and you have all this anxiety talk, anxiety talk. Yeah. You know how many fucking ugly people would be so pumped to look like you? Do you know how many people, like your successful comedy career, you know, you've got a family,

you've got a lot going on. You've got all this positivity, but you have some sort of weird thing. I think that there's a thing in me where I always feel like an impersonator. I'm sorry, an imposter. But I felt that way since I've been a little kid. Yeah, but everybody feels that way. Yeah, so I think what happens with me, everything, well, hold on. Do you want me to finish the Travolta story?

Oh, sure. I didn't know there was more to it. Well, the reason why there's more to it is because Travolta, I told you, he goes, he kept telling me, you know, I'm going to watch this moment and all that. And it was the most calm I ever was, still to this day, doing TV. Like, I was more calm the first time doing that five-minute Letterman set than I was doing a whole Netflix special or whatever. I was so calm because of his words. And then when you came backstage, was he naked? When I came backstage, I was looking to see him and he was gone. And I said to my mom, I was like, mom, where's John Travolta? She goes, he left immediately. As soon as you said,

hi, my name's Chris. He walked away, left, went on. So he just did that. For you. For me, which at first I was angry. I was like, where's John? And then as time went on, I was like, oh, that's the nicest thing anyone could have ever done for me. And what I learned in that experience was, actually, I liked John Travolta and he was cool. And also, you know, getting up to that moment, he was right, because what I had forgotten is I had been practicing that Letterman set for, you know, however many months. And then, you know, you have to get the bookers have to come and watch you. And they kept watching me do the set for I do it 10 times, 20 times. And every time it it would be good and they wouldn't book me this went on for months and then finally one night I did it and I bombed with this same five minute set like really like a full zero from start to finish just eating it sweat down my back on the top of my ass crack like a full bomb where you're like oh god and I go get home and have a missed call from my

manager and I'm like and I'm like I blew Letterman like it's it's not gonna happen he goes no they're booked you for next Tuesday and I was like what so then I go do the show the Travolta thing happens and when I'm leaving I say to the booker I said I was I thought I wasn't gonna get this because I bombed like so hard with it I thought you guys were like that's it he goes no that's why we booked you because you had never been on television before we needed to know that you could fail gracefully and that you weren't gonna bomb on national television and then implode so we saw how how gracefully you bombed and just made fun of it so it was kind of one of those things even though it's not that's just it's not even it's more than comedy it's like I've learned now like oh you fail you're

just gonna fail so and it's the way you fail so but I think reason I bring that up is because I think that only now in my life is my anxiety going down to a place that's like I don't want to say non-existent but it's so much lower so it's manageable it's so much more manageable two things happened one the my anxiety my pandora's box of anxiety got opened on 9-11 because on 9-11 my mother worked in the second tower that was hit she survived but at that moment i went to an all-boy catholic high school and at that moment i the teachers just came in and said boys the towers have went the towers have down. We didn't even know about the planes. He just said the towers have collapsed.

The Twin Towers have collapsed. And we could see it out my window from where my high school was in Queens. The face is downtown. So we could see it, see the smoke. And I knew my mother worked on like the 50th floor of one of those towers. So I just said, she's dead. And trying to call her. Phone line's busy.

Phone line's busy. Nothing is, you know, I can't get through to her. And I just started to she's dead. And trying to call her, phone lines busy, phone lines busy. Nothing is, you know, I can't get through to her. And I just started to like hysterical cry, like this emotion. Like it was literally like a box opened up in a part of my brain that was like, all your fears out that you've been trying to suppress since you were a little kid out. Because I was like, she's dead. So I just started like crying and I got like so angry. And this kid, Frank, started to laugh at me. So I broke a chair crying and I got like so angry and this kid Frank started to laugh at me.

So I broke a chair right over his head, like in the middle of all this, like 9.55 in the morning. He was laughing at you because your mother was dead? Well, he didn't know. He thought he was like, you know, we're an all-boy Catholic high school. He didn't know anything about, I'm just crying in history class. So he's like, look at DeStefano, he's a fucking idiot. You know, you would laugh at, on September 10 10th I would laugh at him if he was crying because it was like what what are you doing you lunatic and nobody knew the significance of it just then and

I hadn't said oh I think my mom said I just was thinking about it I was like oh my god like she's dead and so I just got mad and I broke the chair over his head. And you, in all-boy Catholic high school, is very, very strict. I mean, you would get detention if you showed up, if you had a top button unbuttoned. You know, you have to have the buttons buttoned to the top of the tie. You would get detention for that. So now I just put somebody in a coma. So now it's like— Was he really in a coma?

He looked like he was. I mean, that kid was on the floor not moving because I fucking, you know. And I'm going to be honest. At that point, I was doing D-balls. I was doing a little steroids, which could be contributing to the tit fat I have now. You were doing steroids in high school? I was 17. Yeah, I was trying.

I just wanted to be that, you know. We were idiots. I'm from, like, deep in Brooklyn, Queens, like, you know, New York idiots. So everybody was doing D-balls, wind stroll. Jesus, Queens, like, you know, New York idiots. So we all, we had everybody who's doing D balls, wind stroll. Jesus. Yeah. Like crazy. So, and so I just was mad, broke the chair over his head.

And, you know, my mother is a very intellectual woman, very smart, very sophisticated. And my father is like a criminal. He was in and out of jail before I was born. And when I was a little kid for my whole life, in and out of prison always you know guy from the bronx italian guy kind of one of those guys never knew what he did for a living that's how i know like growing up when i would grow up be like you know you know i'd hear somebody say you know who my father is you know my uncles i'd be like they're probably not anybody because i feel like i'm have this life a little bit and i would never share that with anybody.

I don't think that's cool. As a matter of fact, it's like sad when you have to like think about like, what are my dad and his friends up to? Did they hurt somebody? Like what's going on? So anytime I would hear that growing up, it'd be like, you're a pussy, you're a wannabe. But the wannabes are the guys you gotta watch out for

because those are the guys, a real Italian mafia guy would never probably hurt you unless you hurt them. But these wannabes will like try to prove something. So I, my father was, I guess, a real guy. And he, and you know, I got through, I, the principal on Tuesday, September 11th, because again, I just hit somebody over the head with a chair, was like, you're out of here. DeStefano, get the fuck out.

And then I'm like, wow. Okay. So I go home, I get home and I'm trying to call my mother, trying to call my mother. And, dude, outside, a lot—see, the thing is, like, living in 9-11, like, actually being in New York City there, it's like there was a lot of things that, like, didn't make the news. Like, right away, like, again, all-boy Catholic high school, mostly cops and fire in my school, like, the immediate, like like racism that was completely displaced i saw like when we left the school there was a uh grocery store uh like where everybody get their bagels and coffees and stuff in the morning indian like seek indian you know turbans they this kid threw a fucking garbage can right through their window and was like yelling out they're like you fucking did

this you're gonna pay for this i was like shut up dude this kid john i was like yelling at them like, you fucking did this. You're going to pay for this. I was like, shut up, dude. This kid, John. I was like, you weigh 110 pounds. You have fucking psoriasis. Shut up. What are you going to do? You know? So, but he, I remember that. I was like, wow, this, this is crazy.

Like what's happening. And then going home, trying to call my mother, trying to call my mother. Can't get in touch with her. Can't get in touch with her. And then I'm just preparing. I called my aunt who lived, who worked in Brooklyn. And she's like every, my mom has four sisters. She's like every one of your aunts, everybody checked in with me besides your mother. We don't know where

she is. And I was like, oh my God. So I get home. This is like three o'clock in the afternoon. I get home. I run up the stairs. Cause all I want to do is like go lay in my mom's bed and like smell her scent or just some, like I was like pan panicking and that's what I want to do is like if I can smell my mom then she's there like my sense if I get the senses of her she's here and I'll calm down she'll calm me down even though in my brain's telling you she's dead but just smell her so I'm open my apartment door and she's standing there right there and I was like and I thought it was a ghost like I genuinely in my brain was like she's a ghost I'm having like a vision and I went to go hug her thinking my I was going to hug through her and then it was her and I was like and then she had blood all down her knees and I was like oh my god like what happened what she was like I got out of the building and then we walked

across the Brooklyn Bridge and then I got on a bus she's like and I fell off the bus in Brooklyn I was like you escaped 9-11 and then you fall off the bus Bridge and then I got on a bus. She's like, and I fell off the bus in Brooklyn. I was like, you escaped the 9-11 and then you fall off the bus in Brooklyn? She was like, there was a pothole there. So she falls, she has blood. And I'm like, and then right away, I turned into that kid, John. I was like, I'm gonna fucking,

I'm going to war for you, mom. You know, like that anger shit, you know, the Winstrel anger, the D-ball anger. And so I didn't tell my mom though that I just, you know, that Frank might be dead, too. I didn't say that. And then Wednesday, all of school is closed.

So, you know, I'm just thinking about, shit, what's going to happen on Thursday if school opens? All schools closed. And all New York City schools were closed. And then Thursday morning, I got a decision to make because the principal had said I was kicked out. So I was like, you know, I'm just going to walk. I'm just going to go to school. So I go back to school and I try to walk in like nothing happened. I was like, maybe they forgot about that. It's a national

tragedy. And then brother Rob is right there. He goes to Stefano, get the fuck out of here. You're still expelled. I was like, all right. I mean, the country's at war now. I mean, my mother fell off the bus in Brooklyn. You're still going to expel me? And he was like, you're expelled. I was like, how's Frank? He was like, you're expelled. I was like, how's Frank? He was like, you're expelled. I was like, okay. So I'm like, shit. My mother's all upset, of course.

She's still shaking from 9-11, as many people were. I'm like, I got to call my dad. And again, my dad, great guy, my father. Really great guy. But, you know, a street guy, like a Bronx real street guy. So I call my father from a pay phone and I'm like, dad, um, you know, I'm, I'm sorry. Like I let you down, but I, you know, on Tuesday I was just worried about my mom and kids started laughing at me. I was crying and

I broke a chair over this kid, Frank's head. And now they threw me out. They threw me out of school and he goes, uh, he goes, did anybody see you do it? I was like, yeah, I did it in front of the whole class. He was like, okay. He was like, I'll be down there in about 30 minutes. I was like, he lives in Staten Island, traffic to Queens at 9 30 in the morning would take like two hours to get there.

Somehow he shows up in like 45 minutes. I'll never forget wearing like a New York Yankees batting practice jacket, like a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, huge, chain on, just ready to go. And he goes, you do everything I tell you to do. I was like, okay. So you need a meeting with a principal, you know, of a school, especially any school.

But we walk into the principal's office to the secretary, and the secretary is like, can I help you? And my dad's like, yeah, I got a meeting with the principal. And she's like, you're not on the list, sir. He goes, I'm going in. And then he just opens his door, and the principal's on the phone, and my dad goes, can I speak to you? Can we speak to you? I'm Chris's dad.

And the principal's like, you need a meeting, sir. And he goes, and your son's expelled. And he goes, okay. And then he hangs up the principal's phone. He just puts his fingers on the receiver and he goes, you're not on the phone anymore. So we can have a conversation. And I was like, oh my God. So it's all true. So I'm just sitting there like, okay, this is bad. So my dad goes very calmly. My dad goes, listen, he goes, my son allegedly hit somebody in the head with the chair. And brother's like, it's not alleged. We saw it. He goes, it's allegedly, you don't have cameras

in here, do you? And he was like, what? He was like, no, but there's witnesses and the kids in the hospital. He goes, I'll take care of the kid in the hospital. Don't worry about the kid in the hospital. He goes, you can't throw my son out of school. You just can't do it. And then my brother, Rob is like, we have to throw your son out of school. You just can't do it. And then my brother Rob is like, we have to throw your son out of school. He just put somebody in a coma. And he goes, no. He goes, listen, I could throw him out of school. It was a national tragedy.

He got emotional. Don't worry about it. And he goes, don't throw him out of school. And brother Rob says, I'm throwing him out of school and there's nothing you can do. And then my dad rolls like a wad of hundreds at brother Rob. And he goes, don't throw him out of school and brother rob goes you're gonna bribe a man of god and my dad goes i lost god september 21st 1979 that's like a date that's like burned in my head i'm like what the fuck what does that

date mean and then look back he was in prison at that time so i'm like i don't know what happened maybe there was a shower situation maybe something went down down. I was like, I'm not going to ask my dad. But I was like, September 21st, 1979. Wow. Like he said that shit quick and with full eye contact, no blinks. I was like, all right, dad, you got, you should go to therapy, but whatever. We're here now. And so, so my dad says to brother Rob, he goes, listen, he goes, don't throw my son out of school. Okay. There has to be another way. Let's talk like gentlemen. There has to be another way. And then he says to my father, he goes, sir, are you stupid or something? He's expelled from school. And then my dad looks at me and he looks at brother Rob and he goes, Chris, did he, did he just call me stupid? And I was like, you know, it sounded like a dad, but you know, he's, he's a man of God. I'm sorry. I was like, no habla ingles.

And he goes, do me a favor, Chris, lock the door. And I was like, what? He goes, just lock the door. And so I got up and locked the door. I didn't know what else to do. I felt like I'm fucking going to get hit here too. I've never seen my dad like this, just angry. So I get up, I lock the door, he goes, you really offended me with the words you've chose to call him to call

me because it really hurt my feelings. Actually. He goes, so now you have two options. He goes, the second option really sucks for you. I would choose the first. He goes, the first option, just put my son back in school. Okay. Easy breezy, no problems asked. I'll sign whatever forms you want. He goes back to school. He goes, breezy. No problems asked. I'll sign whatever forms you want. He goes back to school. He goes, the second option. And again, this one sucks for you. He goes, I'm going to come over there and I'm going to break both your kneecaps.

And he goes, you may think I heard that line in a movie. He goes, I'm one of the guys they write the movies about. He goes, I will. This is funny. He goes, I will call 911 right now. He goes, I will give them my funny. He goes, I will call 911 right now. He goes, I will give them my address, my social security number, whatever. He goes, because I'd rather go to prison for the rest of my life and be back with my friends than you throw him out and me have to listen to his

mother's fucking mouth for the rest of my life that he got expelled from school. He goes, so either way I'm in jail, I'd rather be with my buddies. So the choice is yours. And then white as a ghost, brother Rob is like, okay, well, let's put him back in school. And he goes, simple, easy breezy. He just kept saying easy breezy, my dad. I was like, stop saying easy breezy. So he kept saying easy breezy. And my dad, and he goes, what we'll do is he gets detention before and after school, and he's thrown off the basketball team. Does that work for you? And brother Rob was like, that works for me. And I was like, that doesn't fucking work for me I want to play ball I don't want to go to detention and my dad's like no you hit somebody it's not good he goes who I didn't raise you to be that way I was like you just threatened to fucking kill somebody in front of me

what are you talking about and he goes I didn't raise you to be that way and then that's what I did my senior year before and after school every day um no basketball and my father and brother Rob actually became like friends at graduation they were shaking hands friends everything was all good and it was one of those things where like my dad he's not that way anymore but growing up like my dad was just that guy he was like right intention wrong move is the best way I could describe my father. And now that I'm a father, I want to take some stuff from him, but, you know, be more of the right intention, right move.

Because my dad, he genuinely was coming from a place of love when he was like, I'm going to hurt this principal because they're hurting you. But obviously the wrong moves. But he just grew up in a time when it's like you wanted to get something you got violent i'm very not violent i'm like a very big pussy grew up around my mother kind of anti that um but you know the anxiety i think comes from that the the pan the pandora's box was you know my mother's a very nervous woman to begin with the 9-11 thing happened i thought she was dead it opened up all these emotions to like what how will I navigate life if she is dead? And then not being as tough as my

father was like, well, how do I protect her? How do I protect any woman in my life? That was a thing that I started to like grasp with. And it wasn't until I had children, my first daughter, who's now seven, did I start to realize the narcissism and anxiety. And I know that, you know, that might not be the same for everybody, but to me, I started attaching narcissism to anxiety. And I start to realize the narcissism and anxiety? And I know that, you know, that might not be the same for everybody, but to me, I started attaching narcissism to anxiety. And I used to be proud of the, hey, I'm the anxiety guy. I look like I don't have anxiety, I have anxiety.

But now when people bring up, oh, you have a lot of anxiety. I almost hate that version of me. I'm almost like that guy was very, very weak and I'm still, you know, have a lot of work to do. But I did a task. I'm like, I can't have all this mental energy be eaten up by my self-serving narcissistic anxiety. If I'm going to die, if that's going to happen, I need to be like a present good dad. And I need to figure I want to have questions answered for my daughters when and if they ask me to them, I want to give them my full attention.

So little by little, my anxiety's been going down. I think it still will always be there because that Pandora's box thing was open. I think some- Wait a minute, hold on. So there was no anxiety prior to September 11th and then all of it came after that and you've never let it go? Yeah, I know it got to the point where every woman that I was with, every girlfriend I ever had, if they, if I texted them and they said, you know, and if I texted them and they didn't write back to me in 10 minutes, all that anxiety of September 11th would rush onto me and I couldn't get out of it. I played college basketball. It got so bad to the point where I used to bring my phone out onto the bench, Like in my warm-ups, I would, like if the coach subbed me out of the game,

I would run, make believe I'm going to get water, and I would rummage through the warm-ups and have my phone there to make sure my girlfriend at the time texted me she was home. And if she didn't, I couldn't function. I had a free throw average before. When I didn't have a girlfriend, I almost had no anxiety. But when I did have girlfriends, insane anxiety. I'm the all-time

or second all-time leading scorer now in my college's history, division three. So it's like bullshit, doesn't really count, but still it was like, I guess something. But the years when I had a girlfriend, my free throw percentage would be like 52%. The years when I didn't have a girlfriend, it was like 90%. And it, and at that point, mental health wasn't understood. My coach used to yell at me, but just get, get your fucking phone off the bench or they would fuck with me on the bus. They, cause my teammates started to figure out like, oh shit, Chris gets really nervous about his girlfriends. So they would text me sometimes like from these random numbers or call me like press the star six, seven to like block the number

and be like, Hey, you know, it's your girl. My girlfriend's Maria. They're like, Hey Maria, uh, I, uh, I'm, uh, I'm, I just saw your girlfriend, Maria. I think she got hit by a car. I think she's dead, man. And like, they didn't understand at that point, they were just like trying to fuck with me as we're 18, 19 year old guys. But I was paralyzed, like on the floor, Scott suicidal at times. I couldn't talk to anybody about it because it just wasn't understood. So how did you work your way out of that? I think nature did when I had my kids. Before I had my, I was 29 years old.

I was 30 when I, no, 29 when I had my daughter. But at 28, I had the anxiety that I had at 19. I couldn't get out of that. So how'd you get into stand-up comedy then? Because I would imagine that that would give you a high level of anxiety too doing stand-up comedy is the only place still to this day where i feel almost zero anxiety really no matter how good or bad the shows go i almost feel zero no matter how bad the shows even if i'm bombing dude you have to see i did the netflix comedy festival two weeks ago i did a show for um

with amy schumer she was like amy schumer and friends and i had to go out and do a seven minute set i fucking bombed like a full zero like just an app at the end of the set i was like i'm gonna kill myself that's what and i just walked off and i was like you know what like in the middle of it i was like i don't i just still feel like no anxiety. Like I knew I was bombing, you know, I feel the sweat and all that. And I was like, this is going to. So why are you saying that you wanted to kill yourself? Because I think that, you know, I didn't give the people a good show.

So that's what it was. That's not anxiety? I guess it is. I guess it is in some ways, but it's not like for me, like I wasn't like my body. I'm saying the symptoms of it my heart wasn't beating any faster I think you're right about it being narcissistic yeah yeah I think you're thinking I think that you nailed something when you said that that there's something about anxiety that's narcissistic like you're thinking entirely about yourself you're thinking entirely

about your feelings right yeah I um there's a part of that for sure right yeah and i didn't i don't like the way that feels because and it's that and i think it's mental energy i kind of feel like now you know i am i have a step child and then two daughters stepson and two daughters and i'm like i gotta give them almost i only have a finite amount of energy each day now yeah and i'm like i can't spend this thinking if i have i'm gonna have a heart attack or if i'm do you meditate do you do anything like that i was meditating a lot i was doing that transcendental meditation and then like many things in my life the consistency i i stopped and then and now like i tried to meditate today and i just not that i couldn't do it, but I'm like, I almost feel like I'm so jittery at times. Like, you know, like about like, not jittery, angry at myself about my lack of consistency.

That it takes me out of, I get angry at myself now. More than anxious about things. I'm getting mad at myself. This sounds like more narcissism. Yeah, just write a list, man. If you want to do something, like this sounds very simple and I know it's not that simple, but do one thing, just one thing. Okay. Write a list of what you have to do and then do what's on that list. You mean like each day? Yeah, you have to. You

write a list every day. I don't have to because I just do it. But if I needed to, I'd write a list. If I ever feel like I'm inconsistent, I'll write a list. Okay. But I just, I know what I have to. I'd write a list. If I ever feel like I'm inconsistent, I'll write a list. Okay. That's a good idea. I know what I have to do and I just do it. But I used to write a list. Okay. I used to write a list. Like I used to write down, go to the gym for 90 minutes, write for two hours, do this, do that.

You know, do two sets a night, do this, do that. Whatever I was going to do that I needed to do, go to jujitsu at 8 p.m. Whatever the fuck it was that I had to do, I'd write it down and I would do it. And once I started just doing it automatically, and then there's that feeling of being inconsistent, of like, I don't want to do this, just fucking do it. I have two voices in my head. I have me, and then I have like the drill sergeant.

And I listen to the drill sergeant. The drill sergeant just goes, shut the fuck up and get out of bed. And I just shut the fuck up and I get out of bed. Go. Go to the gym. Go do this. Go do that. Don't eat that.

Eat this. Don't be stupid. Take your vitamins. Drink water. I just do it. Just write it down. Were you always like that? Or did you?

No. I had to build into it. Because you think it was your martial arts training that built you into that? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So in the beginning, it was like I wanted to just, you know, when you're doing martial Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So in the beginning, like it was like, I wanted to just, you know, when you're doing martial arts, you're always scared. You're scared of getting hurt because you know, it's a very violent thing. And the best way to not be

scared was to be fully prepared. And if I wasn't fully prepared, like there was tournaments that I entered, I remember where I wasn't training as consistently and I would get really nervous. Like I'd feel very different. I'd be like, fuck, this is not good. Like I don't training as consistently and I would get really nervous. Like I'd feel very different. I'd be like, fuck, this is not good. Like I don't have the cardio, something, you know, my technique might not be sharp. I felt off and I did not like that at all. I'm like, the only way to not feel that is to be prepared. So just make sure you do everything you have to do.

And if you're injured, don't fight. Those are the two things because there's a couple of times I fought injured. I'm like, that's just not smart. It just never feels good right yeah I think the prepared thing is a huge thing I think I feel at times yeah I guess I guess I never really equated that where it's like the more prepared I am for something the less anxiety or stress I have about 100% in anything so it seems like you're on a good path but a a lot of this stuff, the reason why I'm saying

it is, you're correct that it's connected to anxiety, you consistently, you're thinking about yourself. You're consistently thinking about yourself and your feelings. Right. Instead of just thinking about the world and thinking about experiences in life and just living in the moment, you're thinking consistently about your feelings and about worries and fears and that's the two wolves that is that is what you're so you're aware of what it is yeah and and and at times the the change is is difficult for me but i'm and i don't know if this is gonna

i don't want to say fix it but help but for i a very conservative irish catholic mother listens to the government, what the priest says is the thing we do, what the president says is the thing we do. Alcohol is okay because it's legal. Weed is not okay because it's illegal. Like that's how I was raised for a very long time. So for, you know, psychedelics and all those things, I'm very, very late to the game with even thinking I could do that. Because I was always told if you try any drug, it's going to mess with your heart. You're going to, this is how I was raised. I wasn't raised with even thinking I could do that. Because I was always told, if you try any drug, it's going to mess with your heart. This is how I was raised. I wasn't raised with free-thinking parents, so to speak. But now, I watched explained on Netflix about psilocybin, and they talked about

how it can rewire. If your brain is like snow that is being skied on, it has the tracks that go a certain way, and then psilocybin is like the new snow i was like i think i need that at this point to be a better everything in my life tries to revolve around being a father now have you done it no i've never done any psychedelics but i wish i had we had some right now yeah i would do it right now because i've never tried it we have any in here what's that i can get it here pretty quickly i don't know if there's anything here but do you smoke weed very little but i'm open to it all now i was to it all i was very little i wasn't all i wasn't only very little because i don't even know where to get it i don't i can get it yeah what happens when you smoke weed um i did take an edible once and then i went to a

new york islanders game and that was probably stupid because well what happened was is I was with Opie from the Opie and Anthony show and and and Sherrod Smalls shout out Sherrod Smalls he gave me a um a uh a chocolate bar with weed but didn't tell me the instructions that you just need to eat a half of a half of one square of it this is a story as old as time yep yeah and then I ate the entire chocolate bar um and i forgot that i even ate it um and then we get to the islanders game and i forgot it was even in my system i i genuinely forgot and then the first period buzzer went off at the islanders game and i thought somebody threw a spear from the top of the arena and cut my body in half and i popped up i was like i'm having a stroke because my left side of my body went numb i was like i'm having a stroke i'm

having a stroke and opie was like calm down man it's just numb. I was like, I'm having a stroke. I'm having a stroke. And Opie was like, calm down, man. It's just the weed. I was like, no, it's different. I'm having a stroke. I was, I'm a, I guess still a licensed physical therapist, but I was like, I know what it is. It's a cerebrovascular accident. I'm having a stroke.

Jesus. Yeah. And then I had to leave the arena and I walked up to the cops. Cause again, I was raised like in a very drugs are bad. And I walked up to the cops and I was like I was like officer I'm having a stroke and he was like no you're not I was like I'm having a stroke and he was like did you take any type of drugs or anything like that I was like am I gonna get arrested if I say yes and he was like no buddy you're not gonna get arrested I want to help you I was like I ate

an edible and then he goes how much I said I, I ate an edible. And then he goes, how much? I said, I ate an entire chocolate bar of an edible. He goes, have you ever done edibles before? I said, no. And then he goes, and you ate the whole bar? I said, yeah. And then him and his partner started laughing at me, like maniacally laughing at me. And they go, just get in a cab and get out of here.

Take a shower. You'll be fine. And then I was in the cab. And I, at that point, lived on 91st Street. And I got off at 61st Street. And it was a cold winter day. I'd taken my jacket off. I was like sweating.

And I called my friend, Mike Cannon. Shout out Mike Cannon, who takes a lot of edibles. And I called him. And I was like, buddy, I'm having a stroke. Like, I don't know what to do. Like, you're like my shaman. And he was you're you ate way too much of it number one he goes but you'll be fine he goes you're resisting everything you just have to accept it just just accept that you're high and have good intentions with it and I promise you it's all going to change and then I

got I went actually I went to um me and my girl were split up at the time, but we'd already had our daughter, but we were co-parenting at the time. I wasn't even living at the apartment on 91st street, but I knocked on the door and I was like, Jazz, I'm having a stroke. And she was like, you're not having a stroke. I was like, I'm having a stroke. I need to see the baby. Before I die now, I need to see the baby. And she was like, and she had taken, she had kind of overcome. She was, had taken a lot of drugs in, and, you know, she knew what to do. She was like, get, go and take a cold shower. I'm going to give you some big glass of milk.

That's an old wives' tale or not, but that's what she said. Caffeine is what helps the most. So she said, big glass of milk, and I wish it would have been caffeine, but so she gives it to me. She goes, just get in the shower. I get in the shower with my socks on. I forgot that I even had socks on.

I got these soaking wet socks. I was like, oh, fuck. And then I go. I remember just being in my shower I get in the shower with my socks on I forgot that I even had socks on I got these soaking wet socks I was like oh fuck and then I go I remember just being in my daughter's room she was asleep and just talking to all her stuffed animals and being and holding her stuffed animals and being like you know calm down Chris calm down I remember I was like my daughter was in the bed I was petting her feet and and then it just like that, it came over me. The high went from bad to good. And I remember just like relaxing, laughing. Everything was all good. But that experience, the bad part was so bad for me that I haven't really taken them.

I take them sometimes. I used to, on my Patreon episodes or my podcasts, I would take them. But they started to give me bad headaches. Listen, first of all, edibles are very different. When you're eating it, your body's producing a completely different chemical. It's called 11-hydroxymetabolite. It's like when you're eating it, it's processed by your liver. That compound, that metabolite, is five times more psychoactive than THC.

So what you're experiencing is like a full-on psychedelic That's why it feels like you're on acid It feels like you're you're on mushrooms or something like there's something like very wrong Most people think they got dosed they think somebody put something in there, right? It's just different than being high but even being too high from smoking it if you're not a person who gets high all the time being too high from smoking it if you're not a person who gets high all the time your body doesn't know what the fuck to do with that experience and it can trigger all sorts of weird paranoid thoughts and and freak you out and it's not necessarily always going to be okay like this whole idea like you're going to be fine when you sober up that's not really true because there's legitimate evidence that a certain percentage of the people have some sort of a

psychotic break or some sort of a schizophrenic break that coincides with the consumption of either edibles or a lot of smoke and pot. Like Alex Berenson, who's a reporter from the New York Times, wrote a book on it. I think it's called Tell Your Children. And a lot of the cannabis people pushed back on it, but not me. And I smoke a lot of pot. And I was like, I think he's right because I know multiple people who have never been the same, who've gotten really fucking high one time. And then something went off. And I don't think it's something that people should take lightly because I think most people come back from it. But I think there's certain people that have schizophrenic tendencies that if they do have what you would call a breakthrough edible experience, like they're eating 250 milligrams or something crazy like that, which is, you know, for Joey Diaz is a normal Tuesday.

But for a regular person, that'll send you into the fucking dark realm. And those kind of people, oftentimes, when they have these schizophrenic breaks, they're never the same again. I know multiple people, two people that are close to me that are not the same after they've had severe marijuana experiences. So should I do drugs or don't do drugs? Do you have schizophrenia in your family? Do you feel like you've ever had a schizophrenic moment where you're worried and paranoid and think that everybody hates you and the government's out to get you or you hear voices in your head?

No. Do you have a therapist? Yes. Does a therapist think that you have schizophrenic tendencies? No, a therapist just thinks I'm gay. Does he? She?

Guy or girl? Yeah. Why did one therapist be like, I think you might be gay? Really? And I was like, but then every gay guy I speak to and every woman's like no you're not gay you just you're just it's really simple are you attracted to men i would say i fall in love with men i have sex

with women that's how i describe myself in that how's that work like we can have a really good conversation i'm not physically attracted to you guys but we can have a really good conversation and then i would want to go have sex with a woman. Hmm. So you just, well, I bet it probably has to do with not being around a man when you're growing up. Yeah. You know, that's a, unfortunately, it's a problem with women, too. Like, you know, we need balance in our lives, right? And men that grow up without moms oftentimes are very cruel and don't understand women.

You know, and women that grow up without men in their lives oftentimes long for male companionship right and men who grow up without men in their lives it's the same thing it's like we need i mean obviously these are gross generalizations and sometimes people grow up with a single parent they're fine but oftentimes this imbalance by only having one you know gender in your life that's you know running the show dependent upon their own personal personalities and anxieties and all their other things can set you off on a course of like you need something that's not addressed when you're young right i also grew up in a neighborhood where it's like if you were into learning

or pretty much if you were into anything other than sports or cars you were gay like that's you know like i remember i know every state capital when my mother would get mad at me and i'd get punished she would lock me in my room from the outside which is kind of crazy now now they think back but she would make me just recite the state capitals or read about history or read from an encyclopedia and i mean sometimes it'd be like two hours and i would you know like stop reading the encyclopedia. And I mean, sometimes it'd be like two hours and I would, you know, like stop reading the encyclopedia because I'm like, there's no way this lady's still listening. And then like two seconds go by and she'd be like, continue, Christopher.

And I would have to like, just keep reading. So I know all these state capitals and all these facts. And it's like, you know, I got a friend, Antonio Parisi, who like did like 15 years in prison for my neighbor. It's like, I couldn't tell him like, oh, I know that the brown signs in the neighborhood are designated for historical blocks and you can't mess with the facades

because they were built by German architects. He'd fucking be like, what are you gay? Did you learn that from the guy you were fucking? It's like, no, I didn't. It is so weird how stupidity can be regional. Yeah, regional stupidity. That's good, good. Yeah, it can be. And then if you grow up in that

area you're kind of fucked if you have curiosity because you it's suppressed it's suppressed the idea that somehow or another that information and learning could be a weakness is hilarious it's it's a thing stupid it's a thing that i grew up with big time where like even when i first started doing comedy because it was in the arts they were like of course you do comedy because you fucking like microphone you like long things by your lips you know things like that I was like you're a dumb fuck well there's a lot of dumb people man if you grow up with them they can be a real fucking hindrance yeah especially dumb guys because dumb guys they're like angrily want to enforce their own standards on you. Yeah, I think, you know, environment too.

Like I'm on Staten Island now. It's interesting thing that's happening is like the prevalence of the Italian mafia is starting to come back a little bit. Really? Yeah, because. Because there's no more cops. Exactly. And because of COVID, the jail is overcrowding. They're starting to let people out.

Like I've seen more mafia guys like getting like coming home from prison, like we're like, oh, you know, Vinny's fucking back. Nails is back, you know, like balloons and stuff and just like full holding court, smoking cigars, like what you would see like in the 80s, like mobsters coming back, which in a weird way kind of makes me feel safer. coming back, which in a weird way kind of makes me feel safer. Like it makes me feel a little bit like somebody was robbing cars on the block that I live on or trying to rob cars. And a guy, I don't really know him, I guess just got out of jail. And there was like a group text that I just became a part of, but the numbers I didn't even know. And one of, they were talking about as parents, like, you know, the cops don't get up here. I live on top of a hill now. They're like, the cops don't get up here so quickly. And with the NYPD being like, you know, having some manpower issues, like gonna have to police this area ourselves a little bit. And one guy wrote back, he was like, I just feel bad for these kids because if they break into my

house or my neighbor's house, I'm going to shoot them and kill them. And I feel no remorse. guy wrote back he was like i just feel bad for these kids because if they break into my house or my neighbor's house i'm going to shoot them and kill them and i i feel no remorse and he was like on the group chat being like that makes me sad i don't feel bad for them and i was like who the fuck is this guy and then i asked one of my neighbors it's like i think that's the guy that just got out of jail for 20 years who was like some ex-mops because the the italian mafia guys the ones that do still exist they mostly live on staten island where i live so you see them you feel them a little bit and it's it's this interesting like safety like i don't want anyone to get hurt i feel like you know 18 19

year old kids stealing cars i mean you know yeah you go to jail for that but i don't want somebody to lose their life but i i don't think these kids understand if they break into one of those houses around me these guys they all have guns they all have probably killed somebody before in their life. They don't care. And I think about that too, as my kids, I'm like, you know how many near death situations I was in?

I'm sure you were in, Jamie was in when we were children that we just somehow survived as a father. Now, sometimes I think about that where I'm like, fuck all these, all these near death situations. My kids may or may not be in, but then I have to tell myself again, that's bad wolf stuff. Stay in the present.

Your kids are fine now. They're little. Everything's good. Don't worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet. But I struggle with it in my head. Yeah. Do you have anything that you do that makes you feel better? Is there any activity that you do that sort of calms that down?

Walking. Walking. Walking. So exercise. Yeah. Well, interesting. If I go extremely hard in the gym, it actually doesn't make me feel better because I'm always like, oh, you should be stronger. Like your squat should be better.

It's counterintuitive at times. What about cardio? Cardio helps specifically cardio. I like to go, I'll go and drive. I love history, especially American revolutionary history. I love the revolutionary war and the civil war, but in, I really love colonial, the idea of colonial America. I almost feel like, I know this is weird to say, but I almost feel like I live there. Like I almost feel like my soul, it's like weirdly connected to it. Like very strange. Where I'm like, I feel like I had a past life. If that exists, like I feel like I was in that part of the world, part of history.

But when I go search for history stuff and start reading about history stuff and going for walks like there's a place in Staten Island called Fort Wadsworth which is where the British troops first made landfall and when they were gonna you know go take over try to take you know America back that's where they landed so it's like so much history there and I feel like this insane sense of calmness when I'm there like all that stuff that's like you know what the therapist tells you oh if it starts with a what if that's anxiety get out of your head if it's not going to matter in five months don't give it more than five minutes all these things that I try to remember daily that sometimes escape my brain I have so much

clarity when I'm sitting around colonial history sites which is like there's been times where I drove to like colonial Williamsburg which is nine hours away from my house just to calm down you know calm that's interesting that would make you calm so do you have family that lived here back then is there anyone in your ancestry if you trace it back to like what when what year did your family get to America no so this whole lot my whole life I thought that you know my name's Chris DiStefano. I thought it was an Italian guy, you know, like mostly Italian American. I knew my mother was Irish. She has red hair. And I thought my dad was, you know, hardcore Italian. And then I did the ancestry.com and I found that I'm 95% German. So like almost all German. And I was like, wow, that's weird too.

Because first of all, when I went to Germany, I went there to Munich, to Oktoberfest, people were just talking to me in German and I had to be like, I don't speak any German. And then they'd say in English, you're not German. And one guy was like, I usually know when they're not, you know, when someone's an American, he's like, you look really German. And I never knew. Your dad thought he was Italian? Yeah, he thought. And then he was like, I don german and i never knew dad thought he was italian yeah he thought and then he was like i don't know did he get his shit done no he won't do any of that stuff he's like no and then my aunt is all about it and

my aunt is like um my dad's sister she's like yeah we're kind of she was like i'm starting to piece together pieces of you know my father's life my mother's life and it's a lot of German ancestry which is which is wild because so I don't think I've anybody my family is here for colonial America so do you but what year did your grandparents did your grandparents emigrate here like who emigrated here my yeah my mother's my mother's side came in I think the early 1900s and then my father's side I think they came like in the 40s so but it's all third generation all third yeah nobody was here yeah nobody I don't have a but that's colonial America for some reason it's just I don't know why I'm obsessed with it I just like those are the type like I have a tough time reading at times but that i read that book

1776 by david mccullen i i read it like three times i just kept reading it well it's cool you know it's interesting to think about people that live back then i mean i'm obsessed with native americans and i have zero native american in me nor do i have any like feelings that i have like some past history of native american you know ancestry that I've, you know. Yeah. But who knows? I mean, who knows what genetics carry, right? Like the idea that there's a lot of things that are in your DNA that have come from many, many, many, many, many generations ago. Like, for instance, like why are people afraid of snakes? You know the or or spiders like arachnophobia is a real thing where someone will see a spider and be fucking paralyzed

They don't know what that is But they they suspect that someone somewhere got bit by a spider right or someone saw someone get bit by a spider and died And that memory is burned in the DNA of the parent and then into the child and then perhaps into the child's child, and it just carries on. It's just speculation, but for whatever reason,

like, aphidiophobia is a snake one. Like, why? That's what it is? No, yeah, arachnophobia is arachnids. I think aphidiophobia is a snake one. But they don't know why because it's crippling. Like, you might not be afraid of dogs

Which were real they could bite you a dog's fucking dangerous You might not be afraid of you know other things that are actually dangerous right? But you're afraid of a snake or you're afraid of a spider to the point where you lock up like paralyzed by anxiety And they don't know why huh yeah, I don't have any fear of that. That's interesting. I'm scared of the dark and they don't know why. Huh. Yeah, I don't have any fear of that. That's interesting.

I'm scared of the dark. Well, everybody should be scared of the dark because the dark is, if you follow primate history, all of our ancestors, you go way, way back, they're all eaten by cats. You know, cats operate nocturnally. Our eyes suck at night

and that's why we had to hide at night. You know, and that's probably one of the main reasons why people develop shelters to avoid predators. That's another thing too. If you talk to a small child, what are children afraid of? They're not afraid of child molesters. They're not afraid of fucking car accidents.

They're afraid of monsters. Why is a little kid afraid of things with big teeth? It's weird. It's because there's an ingrained fear of cats. Interesting. I don't have cats in the house. I feel like I'm allergic to the regular Well, you probably are but not regular cats house cats I'm talking about like big cats like Jaguars and leopards and stuff They were eating people from the beginning of time

I hired like a like an MMA trainer really to train my daughter because I she's you know Just turned seven, but I just want her to like like it. She can start going to start a school. I just want her to, you know, be able to defend herself. And, um, and, uh, the guy started training with me a little bit. And, um, and he was like, I was like, what can I do? Like, what, what do you do to like, get over like a fear? He was like, sometimes before a fight, I'll, um, I'll go run. I'll go jogging through the woods at night. Like, just because I I'm like if I can overcome that, you know, a man in the pure daylight is not gonna scare me. And I was like-

That's not true at all though. Well I said I couldn't even walk in, I wouldn't be, sometimes when I'm driving at night by myself I think that there's somebody in the trunk. Yeah, I started fighting when I was 15 and I'm really lucky I did. I'm really lucky, because I was dumb back then and my brain wasn't fully formed and I wasn't smart enough to realize how dangerous it was so I engaged in it when I was very young and I got used to these violent encounters on a regular

basis because I was competing and fighting in tournaments all the time and that helped me so much it helped me so much right because regular scary is not as scary as fight scary right like fight scary was like it's coming up Saturday, tournaments on Saturday. Here it is Tuesday. I'm fucking shit in my pants. I'm stretching. I'm warming up. I'm worried.

Am I going to wake up on Saturday lying flat on my back with a fucking broken jaw? Is that going to happen? I've seen it happen. Maybe that's me. Maybe Saturday's my day, you know, and then I'd find out who's in the division. I'm like, oh, fucking that guy's in the division. Shit. Right. You know, and then I'd find out who's in the division. Like, oh, fucking that guy's in the division. Shit. Right.

You know, and I'd freak out. And that is so much more scary than most stuff that you encounter in day-to-day life that I got a level of fear. When I stopped fighting when I was 21, one of the things, it was 21 or 22, I forget when my last fights were. They were in that range. I think it was right before I turned 22. When I stopped fighting, immediately

I felt relaxed. Like immediately. And then it was like within a year it subsided and then luckily I hurt my knee because when I was bombing in standup, I was thinking about fighting again. I was like, fuck this. I hated the fact that I needed someone else's approval because the beautiful thing about fighting is it didn't matter if someone didn't like me it didn't matter if people booed me it didn't matter because I knew how good I

was I knew when I get out there I'm gonna put it on that dude right no one's gonna save him so in my mind it was like fine hate me I don't give a fuck but then stand it was the total opposite everybody had to like you right I'm like oh my god my social skills suck because I didn't develop them some from 15 to 21 I was just doing this weird crazy thing and I wasn't really engaging in most like like party type activities and I kind of liked it that I was this weirdo outcast who was doing this like dangerous thing so I was in high school and most kids are doing these that I was this weirdo outcast who was doing this dangerous thing. So while I was in high school, when most kids were doing these things, I was traveling around the country competing in tournaments. So when I started doing stand-up, there was a part of me that was like, fuck this. And I don't know, man, maybe if I didn't hurt my knee, I might have fought again.

But I fucked my knee up, and I had to get an ACL reconstruction. And that's like a whole year. That takes a long-ass time. And I didn't have the money for it yet. I didn't have insurance. I had to get an ACL reconstruction. And that's like a whole year. Like that takes a long ass time. And I didn't have the money for it yet. I didn't have insurance. So I had to get insurance. And then I had to get it later. And I had to get, it's like a patella tendon graft.

It's a big deal. They take a piece of your patella tendon. They pull it out along with a chunk of bone from your patella. And you've ever done it? Well, no, I was a physical therapist. So I worked with patients that had- Took a long ass time.

I've had both my knees reconstructed, but my left knee took way longer to get fixed. Yeah. So there was no question I wasn't fighting then. And then I got better at comedy and then I got over it. Right. But that fucking, that those moments of like fear and anxiety that you have, like when you're just starting to do standup, it's like a different kind of fear and anxiety that you have, like when you're just starting to do standup, it's like a different kind of fear and anxiety.

Yeah, because I think one's subjective, one's objective. Like you are in the ring, either you win or you lose, but the comedy, it's like, you know, you can do the same set at the eight o'clock show and then bomb with the 10 o'clock show, there's this unpredictability. It's also, it's a judgment on you. Yes. It's a different thing.

It's a judgment on you, you as a a whole not like you and your physical skills you know just you as a whole do you absolutely love stand-up comedy yeah it's a part of you like you you you were hit you knew the history of it you watch when you're a kid oh yeah yeah yeah I mean I did it this week in Detroit god damn it was fun shout out Detroit Shout out to Detroit You know what? What's great about Detroit Detroit is like a city without any pretense, you know It's kind of a fucked up city. It is they got fucked by the auto industry pulled out and destroyed the economy Yeah

If you go back to like the 1950s and you see videos of Detroit see if you can find some videos of Detroit in the 1950s and 60s. It was one of the wealthiest cities in the country. It was an incredible city. And it was a city that was powered by American automobiles. That made the city, man. Everybody was there. Chrysler was there. Ford was there. They're all there. So Detroit back then was fucking booming. And then in the 80s, I guess I'm not sure the timeline whatever they pulled out That's around that Roger and me movie right if you just see that no I haven't I heard of it I still to this day think it's Michael Moore's best work. I think that's his best work because it was real innocent

It was like him really just a young unknown Filmmaker who is trying to find out what the fuck happened and see if people can comprehend the damage they've done to the city. Like how devastating it is to people that have no way to get out. Yeah. And there's good comedy there, too. I mean, I did that Royal Oak Theater and the people are just so happy. But when you got like a fucking economically fucked city, those people are the ones who need the laughs more than anybody. Well, like you think, I mean, if you ever look at old pictures of like Iran, like Tehran, Iran, like in the 50s, 60s, it was like booming and beautiful.

And there was not like nobody had to wear any headdresses. Like it was a beautiful, vibrant place. It's only like, you know, a lot of everything goes through like, you know, like you said, like a history. Like, you know, like Detroit, it does feel like it's coming back a little bit now. It's coming back a little. They feel like it too. Yeah. There's like a Detroit pride. Yes.

You know, like, do you know Shinoah? Do you know the company Shinoah? Yeah. They make really good watches and leather goods. Yeah. And like really good handmade stuff that's like solid quality. And they're like proudly made in Detroit and all their stuff. Yeah.

I went to that um uh is it Jack White store that album store they have I think it was by the Shinola place and I went and saw that like the white stripes and all because I again music like I didn't um like all the only music I ever listened to was like rap and Whitney Houston I just knew Whitney Houston my father's big Whitney Houston fan. Rap and Whitney Houston's a hilarious conversation. Your therapist might be right. Yeah, that's what it is. It's true.

Listen, I love Whitney Houston. Whitney Houston's voice was insanity. But would you- She's so talented. She's so talented. She was the best singer I think of all time. But even when I see people, and hey, whatever people want to do, when I see people and hey whatever people want to do when I see people like lining up outside to like get something or like get in a concert

like I never ever in my life wanted to do that like I never wait in line for a concert yeah like get there early for sneakers or get to SNL the night before like I never had an ambition to camp out for anything ever in my life

like okay let me ask you this. What if they figured out a way to bring someone back to life? What if they could bring James Brown back to life? Like James Brown from 1969. You can go see him live. Honestly, if they brought Whitney Houston back to life, I wouldn't wait in line for the concert. You wouldn't wait in line.

I would try to get tickets on StubHub. What if it was a time machine, and it could put you in like a little hamster bubble, you know, in the little hamster wheel thing? And it could put you, so like you wouldn't affect anything, but you could be there for like Muhammad Ali versus George Foreman in Africa. Honestly, I think I'd rather go back in time and just watch Benjamin Franklin fly a kite. Oh, yeah. Do you think that really happened? No.

I don't think. I think. I would do that for sure. Like, if I could go back, really back far. Yeah. How far would you go back? Like, if you only do it once. If I could only, literally, the only time I could do it is one time.

And you know a lot about history. You used to be one of the co-hosts of History Hyenas. Shout out. Yeah, History Hyenas, great show. Very good show. Very good. And Giannis is awesome. By the way, Giannis has a new special out right now too. It's really fucking funny. Yeah. And it's on YouTube. What is it called? Giannis is something mom? Something? Oh, Mom Love. Mom Love. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Giannis is one of the best standups I ever was around. He's fucking awesome. And super, super funny guy. And super, super smart guy right there. So you know a lot about history.

So if you wanted to go back to a particular point in history, if you could only go and watch it once, and maybe you could be there for 24 hours in this hamster bubble where you just stay in this one thing. You can't go anywhere. You don't interact with people, but you get to experience what life was like. You can't go anywhere. You don't interact with people, but you get to experience what life was like. See, I think there's, you know, a lot of people I know might want to go see the pyramids. They want they might want to go into that time. And I think that time is fascinating, truthfully.

But I think for me, I genuinely would want to go back just because I feel such a connection to it to specifically the battle of brooklyn in august of 1970s uh 1776 because i would number one want to see like i think about like i want to know when i go to another city i don't ever really go to the tourist attractions i do just to do it but i want to go see how people like me live in other cities that's what i'm fascinated too about history how did i know how george was lived, that was well-documented, but how did, you know, the gay anxiety girl dad live in 1776? How did I, you know, what did I do back then? Would I have been a soldier? So I would like to go to the Battle of Brooklyn where I live, where it happened in Bay Ridge, all those shops and stores I know now see it completely just in the forest or whatever it looked like in 1776 and see what really happened in these battles. Because, you know, the winners write the history books, but see what actually really, really happened.

Because I think that to me, watching that battle, because there's a story in that battle, the Battle of Brooklyn, where they say, George Washington, we were going to lose the war right in the first month. But then a fog came in and kind of blanketed the narrows, it's called, like the Hudson River. And we were, George Washington was able to get all the troops, like 80% of the Continental Army we had, back across the water and into New Jersey. Or else we would have completely lost and be speaking British right now potentially It's a different language yeah, and and so I spelled tires wrong I and governor wrong Do they really they put a you in there put a dumb you in there? The tires is always weird to me like we have one we made it first made it. First of all, we invented the tire, didn't we? I think so, yeah.

Probably in Detroit. I would like to claim America as being an inventor of the tire. Yeah. Because was Henry Ford the actual inventor of the automobile? I have no idea. No, right? He, like, the process. The process of construction?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Oh, like production production like a production process Yeah, I I am Yeah, I just wish I invented the tire in 1846 Robert William Thompson a 23 year old engineer and Scottish entrepreneur Filed a patent in France for a wheel called a leather filled with air Wow

This is the very first tire no shit like a he figured out a a leather filled with air. Wow. This is the very first tire. No shit. He figured out a leather tube filled with air? What a fucking genius idea because everybody uses the tire. Right. Who would have ever thought, well, it's hard because we need something that's durable,

but we also need something that's got some cushion to it. How about make it hard on the outside and put air in the inside? It's the lightest shit ever. because you would think you know they made the wheel they've had the wheel for thousands of years like just put leather on it fucking dummy leather tube your leather tube air that's a genius move genius genius move that's because give it a little cushion can you change tires are you good comfortable with cars yeah i can change tires yeah i fucking gotta learn how to do that, too

Well, I used to I worked at a gas station for a little while and I had a bunch of friends who are gear heads I learned from them and I had a really good in high school We had a really good auto shop and the guy who I wish I could remember his name He's this cool old dude who only liked Mustangs nice. I'm sure One of my friends will text me afterwards i still have some friends from back then they'll remember this guy because he was a legendary auto shop teacher and he had old mustangs and he'd make you work on them and they were all like bondo boxes they were all complete shit boxes yeah he would buy like the shittiest 1965 mustang and he would he would redo

it and he was always driving it to work and And the fucking guy only loved Mustangs. He loved old Mustangs. And he would just work on them. And you would appreciate it from him. Yeah. Because you were hanging out with him. Yeah, see, it's a beautiful circumstance environment thing. My guy like that was this guy named Scotty Karate who lived in the neighborhood. And he was just a lunatic, old school alcoholic guy that you would give him a dollar and he would do any trick you wanted.

He would back flip into glass. Everybody had guys like that, right? He would jump off a fucking awning. Oh my God. And he's still alive. That guy's still alive. He never got COVID, never got monkeypox. He's just alive in a nursing home in a wheelchair.

Truth is, I got a video sent to him the other day. Shout out Scotty Karate. Wow. But, you know, So I was around cars a lot when I was younger. It's better to hire somebody who actually knows what they're doing. I know. They're doing a tire now that doesn't have air.

It's really interesting. It's a tire that the outside of it looks like a regular tire, but then the side wall of it, it's like honeycombed. It's like some kind of a material that compresses and comes back so instead of it being air so it can never get punctured for it runs out of air see how it looks like that whoa yeah so those things compress and it essentially has the same effect as a tire with

air in it but you can see right through it to the other side like look at what it looks like in the profile it's weird well like it's weird that we're kind of living through the point now where it's like, even stuff from the 90s, which is, whatever, 20, 30 years ago, looks really old. So, like, 30 years from now, like... That makes so much more sense.

That's a way better thing. It's a way better thing. I don't know anything about cars or tires or anything, and even I'm like, that's a better idea. The only thing that I don't know about is whether or not it could match it in terms of performance because there's a there's a thing about pliability that actually looks fucking amazing because there's a thing i don't know how let's find out how good they are there's a thing about pliability it's like you like that's why they have

low profile tires right like low profile tires exist so you have the minimum amount of give so on a racetrack Okay, you know you want to you want a low profile tire and you want like a stiff suspension You're going around this smoother. You don't want a big ass like 1970 Buick tire no it's too much tire right too much give this way in that way right so the question would be Can they get that to the same optimal range that they can with air? Well, they can do that then it's that's way better I started watching that f1 drive to survive on Netflix and I was just like race car driving I want to do that and then I realized you have to be a hundred and sixty pounds

Max to get into that car. Have you ever gone into a race car like no But I would imagine be like a jockey that it would be better beneficial to be light car like that? No, but I would imagine it'd be like a jockey that it would be beneficial to be light. Yeah. I was like that thing, like I didn't realize like how fast, have you ever been to one of those races? You've been to them. Went to the Formula One out here in Austin. There's a racetrack Kota. We went and watched. It's crazy. And it's like, they go so fast, you can't even see them, right? Wow. It's wild. But they can't put tires like that, that we just saw in those cars. I don't know. Maybe they can, maybe there in those cars. I don't know maybe they can Maybe they'll be better. I mean who the fuck knows but it seems like just the fact that you can never get a flat

From a puncture just like a simple run out of air thing that seems crazy that we're still Reliant on not running out of air. Well, do you have run flats? You know about run flats, right? What's a run? No run flats a standard production tire that you can drive up to 55 miles an hour. So you can take a drive on it. Here's a FAQ on it that might- Hold on, because we're in the middle of one thing. So the run flats are currently available right now. So you can get a run flat from a lot of automobile manufacturers.

They offer it as an option when you buy a car. And it allows you to, even if you get a flat tire, you could drive to safety. So if you're on the highway and you get a tire and a regular car, regular tire gets flat, you can't drive it. It starts boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It starts making a lot of noise. These are much more rigid. So it's some like middle ground area. Okay.

So even though it's flat, it's designed to have a certain amount of rigidity to it, a certain amount of give to it, and you can drive it for a long time. But those cars generally don't perform as well. And that's what I was getting to when I'm talking about the give of tires. Those don't perform as well as the tires with air in them. Right. Yeah. I just, I, it's all like on racetracks. I mean, Right. No, but listen, that's the thing. It's like, it's all that tire stuff sounds amazing to me and interesting. But again, I just don't like, I just get in the car. I just get in the Toyota and drive it.

I don't know. I wish I knew more about this. Yeah, but this is how you know more. You just look it up. So Jamie, pull that article that you had up. It doesn't say much more than what you just said, actually. Is it? Oh, the same thing about the performance?

It's comparable to a run-flat tire. Right. For performance. But run-flat tires, I'm not incorrect about that, right? They're not as good in terms of, like, they're fine for regular everyday driving. It's probably preferred, actually. It makes sense. Right.

Be on something that doesn't, you know. But I think, you know, it's like dorks get into into like, and I'm a dork, I'm saying me, guys like me that get into cars like, oh, the new one goes zero to 60 in three seconds. Like, what are you doing? Are you racing? Yeah. Like why? That's, that's not going to matter.

So for the most part, like what a run flat tire, the benefit of it to me seems fucking huge. Right. You don't have to like stop on a highway and be fucking in danger. Yeah, let's drive on a rim dude I mean, I feel like that's how people like that's how people get hit by cars They're changing a tiny percent happened to a kid of mine. I went to high school with died He he died because he was changing the tire he got hit by a car And that and that that point nobody was even texting and driving back then yeah, this was in the fucking

Early 90s. I believe he died I remember I got a I don't even know if I got a text message I might actually got a phone probably got a phone call you got a letter But it was one, you know when someone from your high school dies like that you're like, oh god He died that way he's always a smile. I think of them smiling in the hallway I know kid in my high school who used to sleep over my house all the time He I remember one time he slept over my house. He was a great basketball player. He was like one of those kids. He was like 5'5",

but he could like reverse dunk. Unbelievable b-ball player. Yeah, he was a great, great, great player, this kid. And I remember one time we woke up in the middle of the night, sleeping in my room or whatever. I was sleeping on the floor. He was sleeping in the bed. And he was in the middle of our hallway where my mom even woke up she was like honey are you okay to my friend and he's like i just see i see these little green men it's like crazy i see them everywhere it's like wild in this house and she was like okay and like we never thought anything of it it was late 90s whatever like a guy sees green men well whatever made fun of him about it we're joking about whatever fast forward 10 years later we

you know lose touch a little bit he went to the queen center mall went up to the fifth floor jumped off right in the middle in the middle of a saturday just landed on like the cinnabon cart dead and uh when i was reading the news i got the chills because when i was of course to see unfortunately that a friend commits suicide but when i was reading the newspaper article about it that's how i found out it was in the new york post they go, you know, witness said, you know, this man, you know, whatever, 27 years old, jumped, leaped off the fifth floor of the Queen Center Mall. And he was saying that there's little green men all over him and he just needs to get them off. And I was like, yo, that kid had schizophrenia or a major mental health issue when we were teenagers.

And I didn't even know. I didn't know. I didn't even think about that little green men moment until I read that article, but I was like, whoa. Dude, I had a conversation with this guy once, and I've known him for a while, always friendly with him, always normal. How's everything, everything's good, you know, we talk about this and that, superficial shit about the news,

just a guy I knew from work. Then one day I show up at this place where he's at, and he pulls his phone out, and he starts showing me photos of clouds. Okay. And he goes, they're everywhere. Do you see them? See them in this one?

See them? See them in this one? And I'm like, is this guy doing a bit? Like, what is this? Right. And he goes, and I go, what do you think those are? He goes, they're definitely from another world. He goes, I'm being watched

It's some sort of an unidentified flying object I don't know what the purpose is but it's it's constantly in the clouds like following me everywhere. He's fucking dead serious So I'm like how are you certain of this you know so I'm trying to be nice But I'm also trying to like ask questions so I I'm like, how are you certain of this? And he goes, it's like it's plain as day. I just know it is. And I look at his phone. I go, can I see your phone?

He shows me the pictures. There's hundreds of pictures of clouds. Hundreds. Hundreds. Just basic clouds. And I'm going, holy shit. I'm here hanging out with this guy. And he's hanging out with all of us, which seems like a normal guy.

Meanwhile, he's out of his, not like kind of, a little wacky, no, out of his fucking mind, but fully functional, fully functional, respected in his craft, very nice guy, seems normal, real good at talking when he comes around, hey, how's everybody doing? Good to see you, good to see you. Hundreds and hundreds of pictures of clouds on his phone.

He just thinks the clouds are filled with aliens and they're following him around. Is he still alive, this guy? I haven't spoken to him in quite a long time, so I'm not sure. I think he is. You know, people snap. I mean, my mom was single when I was growing up, you know, divorced from my dad. And, you know, throughout the course of my life, she had a couple of boyfriends. And one time she was dating this guy and everything was good you know and then he wanted her to go up

to uh like a summer house or something that he had i think in like vermont or new hampshire up in that north new england area and she for some reason just didn't want to go she was like i just i don't know like things are going okay with this guy but she's like just didn't want to go. She was like, I just, I don't know, like things are going okay with this guy, but she's like, I didn't want to go. I remember being like 14 and she's telling me about it, which is, you know, weird. I don't have anything to give. I'm just your son. She's like, should I go, honey? Like, do you think I should go? And I was like, I mean, I don't know, like, I guess go, like maybe ask my dad, you know, like your ex-husband. I don't know what to do. I'm 14 years old. And she was like, I'm not going to go. I'm going to stay with you this week and we'll just, we'll do something fun.

I was like, all right, whatever. Yeah, have fun with my mom, I guess. So whatever. We just went for pizza, video games. And then like a week later, she's on the phone with like, I guess, police or something from that area. And she's answering all these questions like, no, he, you know, I, I didn't want to go and, and all these things. And I'm like vaguely hearing it. And then she said he like got so pissed off that she didn't want to go. Like,

like he felt like rejection from her that he went and killed some couple just sleeping like in their cabin in New Hampshire, Vermont. And like, my my mom's like i could have been like who that guy was a i would have never in my life thought that that guy was capable of that and he fucking killed him and i was like holy shit and my mom met this guy in a catholic dating website so that's why his religion's no good holy holy shit man yo i you ever get to talk to like like a real like an inmate who did like 20 plus years in prison you ever have that person on that show a friend of yours like real time federal yeah i've talked to quite a few yeah so i and my family it's actually my girlfriend's uncle jerry. We call him T.T. Jerry. He's transgender.

Now he's a woman. He doesn't care what you call him, pronouns. He's very fluid. But it's interesting. It's my girlfriend's godfather and my little baby daughter's godmother. It's the same person. T.T. Jerry. It's wild.

And he's on your podcast all the time. Comes on my podcast all the time. She. She. Or that. She doesn't care. Really doesn't care. Her whole thing with with she's like whatever people want to do but she always says she's like i was trans before it was cool she was like so she was like she was like here's the bottom line she goes you can say pronouns this or that she's like whatever people makes

them comfortable and peaceful they should do that she's like but the bottom line is she's like when i'm walking past you if i'm in high heels and a skirt, and you say, excuse me, sir, she was like, I'm turning around. I'm turning around because I know. She's like, I was born a man, and that's how my brain will always be a man. But that's her thing. But anyway, the reason why I'm bringing it up. Isn't that funny? She'll beat you up because she's a man.

Dude, she'll beat the shit out of me. I don't even put my alarm on when T.T. Jerry sleeps over. I'm like, you can come in and try to rob my house. You're going to get skull fucked by T.T. Jerry and murdered before you even get to my bedroom. But yeah, but Jerry, fascinating person. But the reason why I bring it up is because she has told me from her experience in being in prison, which is really great. I'm actually so thankful because my mother, again, being very conservative, it was very weird. Like, I don't know if you should have an ex-inmate around the kids, honey.

And I'm like, it's been amazing to have my stepson and my daughter, my baby daughter's too old, but my seven-year-old and my 11-year-old, like learned from him and her about the world, learned from Jerry about the world from that point of view is amazing. Because she's really a type of person that, you know, when it's hard to talk to kids,

when you're like, oh, you better eat your food. Kids don't have food in, you know, sub-Saharan Africa or whatever. And kids are like, I don't fucking get that. Where Jerry's a person that's like, I know what it's like to have zero freedom. I know what it's like to be in the hole for two years. So I go out there and I enjoy the day for the microcosm of a day. I can enjoy a good smell. I'll have a great day.

So I'm happy that my kids get that. But the reason why is because she got to do prison time with son of Sam. Yeah. Son of Sam, Ronald DeFeo Jr. You know, the Amityville Horror House. That's real. Yeah. That's a real thing. Well, you know, the story is that, you know, they Hollywood it up, but he really did kill his family because he said he was hurting voices. He but he really did kill his family because he said he was hurting voices he killed everyone and it's crazy because she said jerry said she was yeah oh fuck man yeah so she was uh inmate and two oh i did know about this i'd forgotten i knew about this there's actually the actual house itself it's been demolished yeah because people were

visiting it all the time it's no good just like i i don't live too far from where the godfather house was and i think like that was demolished you because people it's like you know you own that house you're like i don't want fucking people taking pictures all day everything oh my god that'd be so annoying if you live near that the horror house but she was saying that ronald defayer jr she was like when you talk to him same thing with son of sam you would not guess in a million years what they were capable of said ronald defael the only thing about him she said she said you know the the sexual favor she she said she wouldn't she wouldn't cop to any sexual favors with son of sam even though like we think whatever maybe she hooked up with him maybe she's just not proud of it whatever it's her story

she says um but defael she was open when she was like that he he would let she would let him um a mirror out. He would he could put a mirror out in his room and she would dress up in like thongs and stuff like that and let him like, you know, jerk off or whatever. She'd cook him breakfast. And he was like kind of like his his prison wife. And she's Jerry said that, you know, when you talk to him, it was like the same thing every day. Everything would be normal about him. But except if you ever brought up his crimes, he would never even get mad at it. Never. He would only look you as calm as can be and be like, I just wish I killed my grandmother. I just didn't kill her. And if I would have killed her, I'd be I'd be OK. But I didn't kill her. And that's the thing that keeps me up at night. But anyway, how's your day?

What's going on? Like, so he, but so Jerry was like, that's what it was. And he said, David Berkowitz, which was, this was fascinating with David Berkowitz and Son of Sam. I was like, whoa. Cause when she came on my podcast and started talking about it, the documentary about the Son of Sam, which on Netflix, did you ever see that documentary? No, I didn't.

So it was about Son of Sam, but it was really kind of saying that, yes, David Berkowitz killed people, undeniable, but not all those people, that he was part of a cult that was running out of some place in Yonkers. And it was like this cult that was killing people. But the police at that time in that summer of 77, there was so much heat on them at that time from the public to find this serial killer because he was terrorizing them. They were like, we got to pin all the murders on this guy but there were more murders similar fashion after son of sam was already incarcerated really yes that the police wouldn't kind of they tried to wouldn't keep it quiet on the media and they wouldn't connect them but they're really very strong evidence that this shit was happening there was a cult and david berkowitz was just the

guy that took the fall he was just one of them that did this but because happening. There was a cult and David Berkowitz was just the guy that took the fall. He was just one of them that did this. And Jerry was telling us that before the documentary came out, he was like, you know, the thing I learned

about Son of Sam is that he didn't kill all those people. She would say, she's like, he didn't kill all those people, baby. No, he did not.

She was like, I was intimate with that man. He did not kill all those people. He was saying like that and she was like, I know he didn't. She's like,

maybe he killed one or two but he's a pretty nice guy. There's no way he could have killed all those people he was saying like that and she was like he's like i know he didn't she's like maybe he killed one or two but he's a pretty nice guy there's no way he could have killed all those people and then the documentary came out like two weeks later and i was like and she was like i told you you see i told you nobody wanted to listen to me like he was like he was like going crazy like you know did you ever see that movie henry portrait of a serial killer no the with the guy from um The Walking Dead. That fucking killer actor. What the fuck's his name? The guy who played the lead? Michael Rooker. Yeah, that guy. So what's

that one about? It's about Henry Lee Lucas. And it's a similar story. Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer. Oh, this guy's a fantastic actor. He's so good, dude. And he's so good in that movie. In that movie, he's fantastic. And it's about this guy good, dude. And he's so good in that movie. In that movie, he's fantastic. And it's about this guy, Henry Lee Lucas. And he killed like 62 people, just random people across the country, just walk into

a bathroom, cut their throat, stab them, walk out, act like nothing happened. Wow. But the thing is, it might not all be real. Okay. Because he got arrested and he seems to be crazy. Like when you watch the actual video, see if you can find a video of Henry Lee Lucas. I think they just asked him, did you kill this guy?

And he's like, yep, killed him too. I think it's one of those. Just cop to it all. And I think they pinned a bunch of unsolved cases on him so that it would look like they solved them. Right. I don't think they were being very discerning with whether or not his stories were totally accurate.

It just seems like there's some real controversy as to whether he killed that many people. All those people. It's like 60 plus people. One, I'm forgetting who it was. Yeah, so here he is. Oh yeah, I've seen this guy before. Actually, a killing machine. A killing machine.

A killing machine. Good talent. None of the known serial murderers approaches the record of Henry Lee Lucas. Henry Lee Lucas has killed 100 women, at least 360 people. Lucas was a drifter who murdered at random during an eight-year spree. Either they found the world's worst serial killer, or it was the biggest hoax in American criminal justice history. I would give him a pencil.

He would sit there and draw pictures and describe what they were wearing, how they were killed. Shootings, strangulations, knife wounds. I've killed them in every way there is. Lucas was confessing to any unsolved murder put before him. I started getting calls from law enforcement all over. People say, why? Why are you doing it?

It was making him feel as though he was contributing. They didn't treat him as a killer, but as a friend. Uh-oh, you got the handcuff? Henry never lived so good. Every day, he brought him a strawberry milkshake. It was like he was a movie star. From that point, it went to hell in a handbasket quick. What I'd been believing for all these years was Henry did it.

There is not one shred of evidence to show that Lucas killed my mother. The police work was less than comfortable. We're gonna want not watch the whole trailer but so that's basically the gist of the idea of the story was that he probably didn't kill nearly as many people but he probably killed some so i guess at that point you might as well if he already had prison he was already in prison for life just tagging shit on him because i think in prison right it's like a different system in there like i it might be beneficial for him if i think in prison right it's like a different system in there like i it might be beneficial for him if he was in jail for life to just be like yeah i killed all these people he might get more clout that way i don't know i think he's just an insane person oh

yeah and and loving the attention and so he's confessing to all these things but the point is it's it's kind of like the the david berk thing. Like he probably wasn't responsible for all of them. Right. But even more crazy than Berkowitz, really, when you find out the numbers he's talking about. Yeah, I don't. Do you think you could kill someone? Like not in a situation where like they're attacking your family. Do you think like you can get.

For no reason? Yeah. Why would you want to kill someone for no reason? I don't even want to think whether or not I would kill someone for no reason. Do you think you could kill them if they were like they were like in got somehow got in your house? Yes, and well you could do it. Yeah, would you kill him with a gun or the bow and arrow? Whatever's nearby I do it not a bow and arrow. That's that takes time and you gotta draw that thing back That's do what the crossbow I meant to say. Yeah, I mean bare hands could you do it walking dead if you had to yes

You would do it. Oh, yes. Yeah, I guess I do it too. Of course you would if you had to yes you would do it oh yes yeah i guess i'd do it too of course you would if you're protecting your child yeah protecting the child you wouldn't even realize it was over until you were over a like a broken watermelon that used to be their head right you wouldn't even realize it if someone's trying to harm your family you'd black out you would go fucking psycho yeah you would it would be animal like yeah you know and if you know how to fight and you're a big guy, I'm sure it would be terrifying. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah, no, I'm right. Yeah. I'm 100% right. Yeah. And you think even if I'm like, oh, I don't really know. I mean, I box a little bit. But if I was like, even if the guy was- If you thought someone was trying to harm someone you love,

you would- I'd fight to the death. You would be out of your head. You'd be out of your head with violence. Now, what about war? What if you got drafted tomorrow? Do you think you could just do that? Because you just drop into a war zone tomorrow.

We're getting drafted. It's World War II. I think most people, if you're in a war, whether or not you would perform well, that's obviously a different story. Whether or not you could keep it together under the insane pressure of gunfighting. Right. But most people, I think, throughout history that have gone to war have kind of adapted to that, that this is life now. Life is war.

Right. They come back and they're destroyed by it and devastated by it. But, you know, it's a fucking super insane aspect of humanity that's existed forever. So I think unfortunately most people have the capacity to kill people in war. I think obviously the softer your life has been, the less adversity you've experienced,

the harder it would be to do anything hard, anything difficult. And war is the hardest thing you could do. I was listening to some things, like a very old man said, I saw it on Instagram the other day. Like this guy was like, I think he might've been like 100,

so lived through World War II. And he was saying, you know, there's a chance. He was like, I feel, he was saying he feels rumblings of what it was like in Europe pre-World War II now because he said, I feel rumblings of it now. He said, because if you would have told someone in 1930, if you would have told a Jewish person in 1930, 1935, even before Hitler came to power. Hey, in 10 years from now, five years from now, you guys are going to be in concentration camps. They'd be like, what are you crazy? Yeah, there's anti-Semitism, but it's like a tolerable level, which sucks, but it's there.

But like we have jobs. We have lives. Like the society at that point was like as, you know, progressive as it was now. Like everything, nobody saw that coming. But the guy was like, so he was like, I feel like the reason why you didn't see it coming, or maybe it was World War I then, he didn't see it coming, is because you were living in peacetime. He said, we've been living now in too much peacetime. He said, because when you live in so much peacetime, that's why you never want to go to war. He said, when you live in wartime, that's why you know the horrors of war. So he is like, you understand, you will get over your

differences a lot quicker because you know what war is. He said, you are generation now, these people, we only know peace. He said, and then the war is going to begin and you're going to beg for peace and it's too late. And I was like, holy shit, that like hit me in a place. I was like, yo, I've only lived in peacetime. Like for real peacetime. We're involved in something that could get hot. It really can, right? This Russia-Ukraine thing could get hot. We don't know a ukraine thing could get hot we don't know what the fuck's happening and then i saw something today where donald trump has that truth media

yeah you know he's got the truth media and uh somebody said something about civil war and he re-truthed it so that's what you do you re-truth things truth truth media so he re-truthed someone saying something about civil war. Right. Like we're in danger of having a civil war? What did he say? What was it? Can you show it to us?

Well, the first one I clicked was behind a paywall. I know I saw it on Twitter, so it must be true. So he retweeted Lara Logan retweeting the president of El Salvador. Okay, so someone says the most powerful country in the world is falling so fast that it makes you rethink what are the real reasons. So this is the president of El Salvador says this, and Lara Logan, she retruths that. And then someone else posts a comment that says civil war. Mm-hmm.

And then he re-truthed that. So Donald J. Trump re-truthed someone saying civil war, which is kind of fucking crazy. Do you think it's truthfully possible in our lifetime, our children's lifetime, for an American Civil War or a World War III for real at a global scale? Yes. All it would take is a big event. All it would take is a big event. I mean, look what happened during the post-George Floyd murder riots where everybody was freaking out and worried that anarchy was going to take over the city streets. And I remember the video of the cars,

the cop cars on fire in Los Angeles. It was wild. I posted the video on my Instagram. It was videos of like, there was like several cop cars on fire like the night of the riots. Right. And that video, I remember thinking like,

imagine seeing that video 10 years ago. You'd be like, there's no way. There's no way this could be. But if this happened the way this happened, and then another big event happened, another big event took place, and they blamed that big event, whether it's on the Republicans or the liberals. Right. That someone did something horrific. Yeah. And killed people, and then they decided to retaliate, and then shit gets sideways.

That's 100% possible. I mean, look, with the French Revolution, you know, when Marie Antoinette is saying, let them eat cake, like, again, that was at the top of French society. Things were good. They were, at that time, as good as they are now. And then what happened? They cut the king's head off because the wage gap is so big,

and they feel that a little bit now, too, where it's like poor people are getting really, really, really poor, especially now, and then rich are getting very, really, really poor, especially now, and then rich are getting very, very rich. Not just that, but what about the supply chain problems where they're running out of baby formula and shit? That stuff freaks people the fuck out. That is one of those things.

When I was in a Walgreens the other day, shout out Walgreens, I was there and I saw empty baby shelves, empty shelves of baby food, and my daughter's about to be 11 months, so she's drinking regular milk now. But I was like, if this was six months ago, like, what do people do? What do they do?

You know, like, what do you do? I mean, this is why conspiracy theorists love moments like this. Because they, instead of assuming that it's like massive incompetence and a series of events that causes a disaster, they just assume that, you know, they're trying to starve us out. They're trying to starve the babies That's a fucking super complex Conspiracy that would involve a lot of people keeping their mouth shut and doing something. That's really evil right or Most people are dumb right and then they have these jobs and they fuck this up and it gets to a point where they've made this disastrous miscalculation

or a series of events have led to a shortage in baby formula. Isn't it more likely that it's that? If you see how fucking goofy people are with almost everything. Yeah, I think like, you know, just now as, you know, because it feels like this is like an age of like conspiracy where like science is more dominant than religion. You know, it's kind of like, as a matter of fact, Giannis, when we talked about this on History Anus, he used to say something I never thought of. But he's the one that mentioned it where he was like, you know, there was times when religion is more prevalent than science and like kind of just get stuck in the mud. It's like midi, middle ages.

You're just stuck in the mud. Nothing really advanced. No advancements really happened because religion is dominant He goes but now science is dominant and religion is down religion is getting a beating and science is dominant So the world's moving very fast, but not just that but science is connected to a very specific Ideology right it's connected to a progressive ideology to the point where like there's there's some aspects of science that get compromised by ideology right where they don't want to even examine whether or not things are whether it's beneficial or non-beneficial whether it's dangerous or problematic because they don't want to run the

risk of like offending a specific group right yeah like that whole like thing where it seems like everything's black and white now like where it's like you had you either Do the do the things in the order or the person can't let you on when it's like, you know The person who's in charge, you know has to make an example of you where it's like we live in this gray world like my daughter's at a birthday party the other day and We're in the amusement park and you had to have wristbands the kids have to have wristbands, right? And so get on you know, my all the kids are getting on with the wristbands and one dad, the adults had to have tickets.

And the girl, she had a wristband, but he also had another little kid who wasn't part of the party and he had a ticket for her, but he didn't have a ticket for himself. So he was like, can I just go on with my daughter? She really wants to go on this roller coaster with her sister, but she's not big enough yet. Can I just go on? And the guy was like, can't let you do that buddy rules are rules it's like are they like what at what point when would that because i feel like 30 years ago you would have just let the guy on like i feel like pre-9-11 it was a different world that guy would have just let the guy on because it's like of course you stupid asshole maybe just

let him on but it's like with this rules are rules thing, it's like, I don't know. Some people just enjoy telling people no too. And maybe he doesn't have the ability to say yes. What do you mean? Maybe he can get fired. Maybe if they found out that he let him on, he can get fired. Would you, I mean, could you imagine, I wouldn't want to work for a guy that's going to fire me for letting on a small kid. There's a lot of people out there that are working for people they don't want to work for.

They don't want to risk that. It's too hard to get a good job. If you've got a good job and you like working there, you can't. You can't just let a guy on. I feel like there's a million jobs now. Actually, people are not working. There's a lot of service jobs available. That's a big one.

That's a big one. But, I mean, I don't know, man. Some people don't want to are that's a big one that's a big one um but i mean i don't know man some people don't want to have to take a risk like that just for some dude you know you're supposed to get a ticket for you and take it for your fucking kids you shouldn't have a sob story buddy it's like figure it out yeah but i feel like i would you know the guy was even saying he was like i let me go on the ride with her my kid's going crazy my other daughter wants going we just wait in this long line and i will give you the ticket i me go on the ride with her. My kid's going crazy. My other daughter wants to go. And we just wait in this long line. And I will give you the ticket.

I'll go buy the ticket and give it to you. I'll leave my cell phone here. Like he was trying to- You have to get a ticket in advance. That's the rules. That's the rules. But he just- Oh, he said he was going to leave his cell phone there.

Yeah, he was like, I would leave. Just let me ride the ride with her. And then, you know, he walks off with both his kids. They're crying, yelling at him, you know? And I'm like, oh, man. And then the guy- But I could tell the guy who didn't let the father with his two kids on felt powerful I could tell if he was because he was like yo rules he was telling his co-worker he was like he was

like rules are rules man you know rules are rules run into that sometimes what stewardesses like well like if you ever had like a coach seat and yeah been treated really shit early yeah some late like I didn't even do anything yet. Yeah. Why are you communicating like you're a school marm? One of the best things I've ever seen in my entire life and I'm so happy it wasn't second hand I'm so happy I was genuinely there to see it from start to finish

is I got, I was flying somewhere and I was in the first class section. I was up there it was like a short flight somewhere but it was first the first class section. I, and I, I just, I was up there. It was like a short flight somewhere, but it was, you know, first class, it was only a few, few bucks more. So I got it and, and I'm up there and there's a guy in first class who's being like such a dick, like from the beginning, like a dick, like he was asking the flight attendants like ridiculous questions. He was like, do you guys have, um, you know, he wanted like a fresh mozzarella fresh mozzarella salad and she was like we have what's in the menu like you know like he was being

that and you could just tell he was like every time the guy would try to climb over him to pee he would like look at him like obnoxiously and the flight attendant was a woman like in her 50s very sweet woman and he you know they take your, your sports coats or whatever. And then at, you know, when we're pilot comes on and says, Hey, we're doing the initial descent, whatever. She starts handing out the jackets to the people. And then she's handing his jacket to him. And he goes, there's a crease in my jacket, lady. There's a crease in my jacket. She goes, sorry, I'm so sorry, but you know, there's money jackets in here and I'm sorry sorry. You know, we'll do what we can when we land, but, you know, whatever. So polite.

And he goes, un-fucking-believable. Creasing my jacket. And he's, like, looking around at all of us, and we're like, gives a fuck about your dumb jacket. So he keeps on. And, you know, she's sitting in her bucket seat by this point, you know, like where I can't see her, but you know she's there. And he's, but he could see her. He goes, this is un-fucking-believable. He goes, I'm going to have your head on a plate for this to this lady and he keeps cursing at her and

it's so beyond uncomfortable where you're like oh my god like just shut up guy it's your jacket shut up shut up shut up i don't know we might be truthfully like a thousand feet off the ground like we're gonna hit 500 miles an hour on the landing zone on the on the runway in less than a minute all of a sudden you hear the belt buckle unbuttoned she gets right in his face she goes shut the fuck up i will break your fucking arm shut your fucking mouth sir shut the fuck up whoa and then goes back down and the first class cabin and some of the start clapping like that i never in my life have seen anything like that come to find out when we're getting off the pilot makes an announcement he goes so sorry for some foul language from sandra he goes today is actually her last day

she's retiring today and there was a bit of an incident uh but she did 30 years of unbelievable unbelievable exceptional work for delta so let's give sandra a round of an incident, but she did 30 years of unbelievable, unbelievable, exceptional work for Delta. So let's give Sandra a round of applause. And the whole plane just clapped for her. And I was like, and this guy felt like such an asshole with his dumb crease jacket just on his lap. And then he got off ahead of me. I was like row three.

He was in row one and he's trying to make a complaint. And they're like sir you'll do it at the information desk we have to get off this plane this plane has to turn around and i was like wow they're like shuffling this guy out like they had his back so they had her back the flight attendant's back and it was like that poetic i've seen poetic justice like that twice in my life that sounds amazing yeah it was that was one and then when i was a kid this i should have gotten into mixed martial arts back then because i saw something, that was one. And then when I was a kid, I should have gotten into mixed martial arts back then because I saw something happen that was wild. My dad was taking me to a Knicks game.

1995, 96, I'm a little kid. My dad's taking me to the Knicks game. Stay, game's great. We're going home. My dad would always take me on the subway all the way back home to where I live with my mom. me on the subway all the way back home to where I live with my mom. And we're on the train, maybe 1030 at night. And there's a man and his wife and their daughter sitting in between them. And you could tell something's wrong with she's holding her ears, right? Like, like she's in pain, looks like she's in pain. And this group of teenagers get on, or maybe guys in their early twenties, and they're being like insanely loud, like loud they're like like kind of just causing a ruckus on that's new york city subway shit like that happens all the time so loud and and the father so like politely is like hey guys i know it's free space but my daughter has a double ear infection we're on the way to the doctor now please if you could just

keep it down or or if you want to yell like yell in the next car, please And then the guy goes you'll fuck you like that And and I'm sitting on my father my father were sitting across and my father says to me he goes this is gonna be bad He goes look at that guy's ears and and he had like that cauliflower ear He goes look at don't ever mess with the guy who has ears like that never and he was like it's gonna be bad and i was like okay and then the guy's just sitting there and he's when the guy when the kid the 20 year old guy said to the father you know shut the fuck up or whatever the wife just immediately starts rubbing the father's back just rubbing him she's like honey

just whatever she's saying i can't really make it up but i see rubbing the back so he's sitting there and they keep yelling and she's like the you see't really make it up, but I see Rub in the back. So he's sitting there and they keep yelling. And she's like, you see the little girl, like, you know how painful it is to have a double ear infection? Now you got people now actively screaming.

And it must be just put right into her brain. And the father says, guys, I'm going to give you one more chance. Just please, please, please don't make me have to act. don't make me have to act. Don't make me have to act.

Please don't. Please just go to the next car, please. And the guy, the 20-year-old, at the top of his lungs screams, like to be funny with his boys, like that, to basically be like, fuck you. In one motion, the guy gets up. I don't know what kind of technique. You would know more than me if you saw it. Has him in like a a fucking headlock and then what looked like breaks his arm off a pole like off the pole or fucking breaks his arm the kids on the floor screaming maybe crying my memory doesn't

i don't remember that but crying somebody pulls the emergency brake now we're stopped in the middle of the tunnel the The police walk onto the train. Again, this was pre-9-11 where rules were a little more lax. Police get on the train. Everybody says what the story was. This guy gave him so many attempts. Daughter's got an ear infection. They wind up.

They take the father and the daughter off to get the daughter to, I guess, whatever more emergency place or whatever route they have to get her ear infection looked at. And they arrested the kid with the broken arm. Oh my God. I was like, whoa. Those are the two times I saw like crazy poetic justice. That time and the flight attendant. That was just a couple of years ago. I was like, holy shit, dude.

Yeah. People get away with a lot of shit, man. Now they do. Well, sometimes they do. Sometimes, you know, sometimes you get to watch it on video. Yeah. It's just like when someone gets their ass kicked like the guy at the Newark airport. Like that video going around.

He smacks that dude in the head. But the thing is like that, the thing that had been going around is a shorter version of one that's a little longer. Okay. The little longer one, they were kind of like swinging at each other before that. There was something that happened right before them and Then there was the one where the guy slapped him in the face And then he the other guy knocks him out that guy was on the Denver Broncos practice squad. That's a that's a fact That's a giant human giant human and then why would you fuck with him?

Well, and I have a friend who works as a baggage handler in that section of the airport and said that that the employee i think it's united is going to lose his job that's what everyone's saying he's gonna get you can't get in a fucking slap fight with a guy you can't do or even if you didn't get fired would you go back to work after getting punched into the luggage rack and then getting up like stumbling around how do you go back to your position like nothing happened people are going to remember that. I would leave. I wouldn't work for that airline anymore. But it's also like once you, if you're at a job and you're in the service industry, which is essentially what you are, you're working behind a counter at an airport,

and you wind up getting in a fight with someone, you got a video of it? I'm trying to find a longer one. It's like, I get customers can push people to their fucking limits. I get that. Right. But once you get in a full full-on fistfight most likely you don't work there anymore. No So this is a video of you slapping a man and then getting KO'd so there's some shit See see see it's going on before that We're slapping each other see see he threw some punches at him before that. And then he hit. Yeah, see? And a couple times. Actually, this guy's taking it. Watch this.

Yes, watch this. See? And then he smacks him in the head. Okay. So this is after that dude had already hit him a bunch of times. See? Right, and then he can. See, this is one of the... Let's pause this right here. Because there's a lesson in this. This is why video is so deceptive.

Right. Like a viral video that's taken out of context can be so deceptive. So we don't know what words were said between these two guys. We really don't know what happened. But if you go all the way to the beginning, they were swinging at each other. Right? So see, it looks like he touches him first, though. Go back. Yeah, he still looks like he swung first.

Yeah, it looks like he pushes him first, and then the other dude slaps him in the head. And then he takes a couple swings at him, and the guy moves away and gets clipped a little bit, and then he hits him again and again and again, and then he steps forward and slaps him in the face. So that is all everybody saw. And then you see this punch land, and then another one, and now he's flatlined. But there was a lot of shit that went down before this that most people didn't say, didn't see rather because the video that was going around

was only right after the slap. What's interesting to me though was like this guy, the guy who got knocked out, can take a punch and seems not to be afraid, but why when he gets his opening does he softly bitch slap him? Because he's so confused. He's probably rocked. He got cracked. He's all already discombobulated.

Watch this. Let's go back to the beginning. I'm sure you've been hit in the head before. There's one. Now watch this. They're standing in front of each other. That one lands. That one lands. Stumbles back. So he's rocked right now. That one lands. That one lands. So he's fucked right now. He doesn't know what he's doing.

That dude's he's fucking seeing stars. He don't know what he's doing. Like, that dude's... He's fucking seeing stars. His bell's rung. And then he gets hit again, and now he's going out. Bam. And then the second one. So when he goes and lays back... Damn.

When he hit his head that last time, it's no good. None of it was good. But it was like those punches that he got hit with before he slapped that guy probably had him out of his fucking head. He was disoriented. He's completely disoriented. He doesn't know what's going on. So what is the course of action? Do you have to arrest both of them?

Well, I don't know because maybe there was some shit that went 15 seconds before that that explains why he pushed him. Who the fuck knows? Yeah, that's why the police always have like the real footage. Like I have a friend, I'm sure you have many friends who are police. Like there's time, and probably illegally does this, but there's times where like a video will be on the news and then he'll send you the real video. And then it looks like different stuff happened or he'll tell you like a real story. Like I remember, I remember in, it was like a big article in New York. It was happening like, you know, like anti-Asian hate, like an asian person elderly person that got pushed over

and it was on the front page anti-asian hate anti-asian hate which you know was probably unfortunately probably happening but he my friend was like you know you know he goes it's happening for sure it's happening he goes but you know that person who happened to be asian was one of like 15 elderly people that was pushed over one of them got pushed down the stairs and is dead at the bottom of the subway, but they didn't fit the agenda that the meeting wanted that day. So that's the thing. It's like it's cherry-picking at times, you know? Not everything, but I remember that day I was like, oh.

Oh, look at this. Oh, he was arrested. Ex-NFL player, yeah. Yeah, cops tell us the passenger, ex-NFL player Brendan Langley, was arrested and charged with simple assault. Langley was a third-round pick in 2017 NFL draft out of Lamar University. The employee has been fired following the incident. So it's interesting.

It's like, I don't know what happened. He said, the law enforcement tells us the passenger was arrested, not the employee, despite the passenger's claim that he didn't throw the first punch. It seems like, at least from what we saw there, that the employee touches him first. Right? It seems like that. It seems like he kind of pushed him more than he punched him.

Right. But then the other dudes start teeing off on him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean- You get punched like that, man, you don't know what the fuck's going on. When I was in high school, if you had an altercation like if you got into like the first couple years of high school then it

changed they i had an all-boy catholic high school and then they let girls in but when they were just boys and it was like a tradition at the high school i went to if you got into a fight like me and you were classmates and we got into a fight like just a verbal you would go to the basement after school and a teacher was there to supervise it they put on boxing gloves and let you like duke it out holy shit yeah what if a guy was like bigger than you and tougher than you and beat you up and then you had to get in the ring with him again afterwards that was their mentality to be like don't fight because if you fight if you any type of altercation all you're gonna have to do that with gloves on but what if it's just like a bully who's way bigger than a guy

beats him up that's the way the rules were oh Oh, my God. I mean- That'd be terrifying. So you get your ass kicked, and then you have to fight them with gloves on? Well, it was- By the time I got to the high school, they weren't doing it so much anymore, but you saw where the ring was,

and I was like, that's a crazy way. Bro, think about what they did with the Spartans. I mean, they had little kids fighting when they were little. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

they made them little warriors. If they weren't good babies, they'd leave them in the woods. That might be- Is there anything wrong with them? Is that a myth? What did you say? Is that a myth?

Is that what you were going to say? No, no. I said a myth. I said that might have been, when you asked me to go back in time, that would be the only one I consider other than the Revolutionary War is to see that formation that they had.

What was the formation called? What the troops, they would do that in the movie 300. You know, they would make like that triangle. Yeah. And they like, it was like impenetrable. I would love to see that like Thermopylae. Yeah.

Something like that to see, only to see if it's true or not. There's a lot of things that I was like, is it true or is it not? Because, you know, even like Revolutionary War stuff, like they say when you start to do the research that the Declaration of Independence wasn't what the people wanted at that time. It was like propaganda. It was like American. It was like propaganda. Like we all we wanted when all we were saying was we want people to represent us, you know, taxation without representation.

That's all we want is to be represented in parliament as a colony. That's it. But then the war effort's going on, and a year goes by, and all of the soldiers, the colonial soldiers, time is up. They want to go back to their farms. They miss their wives. They miss their kids. And Washington and all the Benjamin Franklin, all these people are like, wait a second, how do we get these soldiers to stay? And then they hired Thomas Paine to write write common sense which was like the first viral it was like the you know the big tiktok of the day was a pamphlet and it was like oh don't you want

don't you want to declare freedom from the you know tyrannical british and most people were like no we have safety with these people and then their story is like that they created the founding fathers kind of created this myth and they created like this thing that people were like, all right, yeah, actually we do. Fuck them. So I would like to see like what's the truth? I'd like to sit down with a random colonial person, just from any colony, and just sit down and be like, in 1774, how do you really feel about the British, buddy? What pisses you off about them? And just have them eating molasses, making shoes, just fucking talking to me.

You know? Yeah. And that's, I would like that because we know what George Washington said or we know what, you know, fucking any famous historical, I mean, there's written down whether it's bullshit or not. But it's like, what did Joe from Massachusetts say? 1774 Joe. What did that guy think? You know? Were there conspiracy theorists74 Joe. What did that guy think? You know? Were there conspiracy theorists back then?

What were those conspiracies? What did they think was fucking wild? Because the top, you ever think about like the top scientist, the smartest person, the Elon Musk of the day in 1700 just doesn't know anything compared to, they have no, they were like, oh yeah, the sun, the earth goes around the sun. You're like, what? Right. No, it's it's simple now it's like what don't we know yeah i think about that a lot it's like what the top guy now 300 years from now then he'd be like remember how cute elon was when he used to think about that dumb stuff and it's like i think by the time that

happens we'll be incorporated with technology i think that's going to be the big leap with people. It's going to be like there's a biological sort of a bottleneck that biological things can only get so good so quick, whereas technological things can get good really quick, really easy. But if the technological thing can affect the biological thing, like you could have some fucking super chip in your brain that allows you to get 5G wi-fi everywhere sure that that's what's going to happen that's what i think is going to be like the big change we're going to look back on people that were normal biological people it almost feels like it's all going too

fast now i mean it is we said like 20 years ago i mean like you know we had look at what an ipod and we saw an ipod now you'd be like look at that thing it's and now but like if you took somebody from I don't know 1600 and then dropped them off in 1700 not much of their life would look different like oh we still got ships we got no planes we still got disease we still got maybe little things but not now it's like you go in a coma for 10 years when Jerry came out of prison 20 years later he was like the cars were going so fast the phones he didn't know anything and that was just 20 years of being incarcerated and i was and and and i was i think about that like how fast can it go i mean anything that's right if you go the

train goes off the tracks when it goes too fast so yeah i think about that i don't have any clue at all how to stop it what to do nobody does I'm just like try to listen to the smart people see what they say I think it's a natural function of progression that everything gets more complex If you look at the beginning of the universe to now like it seems like everything just keeps getting more complex Right, like if you look at like the universe starts with the Big Bang allegedly So that's the beginning and And from then, everything expands. And from supernovas, the carbon gets created.

Like literally from a star exploding, the carbon gets created that makes human beings. So something happens. And then from that thing happens this one thing emerges that can change, like consciously decide to make changes to the environment around it. consciously decide to make changes to the environment around it to the point where it gets to the point where it can literally nuke every man, woman, and child off the face of the earth if it wanted to in one day. It could kill everything, make the entire world unpopulable. That's not a word.

What's the word I'm working for? What's the word? Unhabitable? Uninhabitable. I'm like, unpopulable. That's not even a word. I'm using that tonight in a sentence. It seems like things keep getting more complex from the beginning of the first wheel to this

guy figures out how to put a fucking leather tire on it to what we have today to Teslas to some shit in the future that's autonomous and just rides on your fucking brain waves. You tell it in your head where you want to go and it just takes you there. And there's no more accidents anymore. We look back on accidents as a tragic, barbaric thing of the past, like horseback injuries. Yeah. You know? I mean, if that becomes a thing in our lifetime, it's going to change everything.

If you're not allowed to drive anymore, if these things drive you. And then if the government gets to decide whether they could shut off your driving thing. Right. You know, but that's just one part of it. And what if you become incorporated with that thing? What if that thing becomes like almost like an extension of you as a human being? Because you're electronically connected to it. Yeah.

And then you might be in. You might think like, oh, well, then I'll be alive forever. But that might be torment. That might be like a tormentful thing. Tormented soul. It could easily be that like the big fear with me is that someone comes to the conclusion or nature comes to the conclusion that emotions are problematic because although they create great energy and they they emotions create things like love and things like creativity and the passion that someone has expressing themselves in music or in anything that we enjoy you know you see that that the part of that is emotion

right when jazz joplin's singing take a little piece of my heart out that that song like you feel emotion in that right what if we decide that emotion is what's causing all the war, emotion is causing all the rejection and the anxiety and all the problems that the people have with just existential angst and the way you interface with life. What if you could just interface with things in a pure data-driven way where you don't have to worry anymore? There's no more worry. Yeah. Or that's also like, I think if you remove the emotion, that's how you get control. I mean, it seems like, you know, Hitler, all these people, they kill the artists first. They kill the creative people first. Because if you can think rationally outside the box, then it's more difficult to control.

That's why when I actually listened to your, I think it was, is it Michael Pollard? Michael Pollan. That guy, I've been watching going down the rabbit hole with him because just randomly saw it when he said he stopped drinking coffee for three months. And then he's talking about the ayahuasca and something I never even thought of when he's like, you know, why are some drugs, like the drugs that can connect you to like that spirit molecule, the DMT, the ayahuasca. If then, you know, then, you know, maybe you don't fear death as much. You're harder to control that way. But like alcohol and other things get easier. It dumbs you down those things almost could be argued make you smarter and more

intellectual more intelligent so like even maybe that's what happens if you get some top person gets power and they're like i can't control them when they're so smart and connected well let me remove their emotions you know that's there's actually a book called the immortality key that's all about the use of psychedelic drugs in ancient Greece and how the authorities at the time, the people in power at the time, shut it down. And that the, I think it was, was it the Pope? Who was it that shut it down? I forget who initially. That shut down what?

They shut down these psychedelic ceremonies that they were doing. And you're talking BC times. Ancient Greece. Okay. And so there's this guy named Brian Murrow Rescue, and he wrote this book called The Immortality Key, and he came on to talk about it. And one of the things they found was through these ancient vessels, like pottery vessels, that there was residue of psychedelic substances that was mixed in with the wine. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

So how do you say, what is the expression? Eleusinian mysteries? I think that's how you say it. Yes, Eleusis. It's a weird word, though. Eleusinian. Even when I'm saying it right, it sounds like I'm saying it wrong. We should just pick a new word for it.

Just make it easier. But these people, like intellectuals of the time, would make a trek there to learn and to take part in these rituals. And no one knew what these rituals were. It's like it's hard to know exactly what they did. And when you read the sort of cryptic descriptions of what they're leaving out when they're talking about wine. We think of wine as being wine, like a good, nice Chardonnay. No, that's not what wine is. To them, wine was stuff where things were always mixed into it.

So they always, it wasn't just grapes that were fermented. It was grapes that are fermented, but a bunch of other stuff. And they would throw a lot of psychedelic stuff like ergot, which is like a type of fungus that it gives you an LSD-like effect. So they were basically tripping their fucking balls off right and writing literally the foundations of western democracy right they were coming up with all this stuff most likely while they were tripping right because and and and you know like when i watched listen to some other people like again i'm all new at this like the last couple of months is when i've started to really read this book because it's perfect for you because you love history and you you're also

curious about this this subject read that book the immortality mortality it's opened up a field of study in harvard his his research is open and one of the things that other people that work with him have uncovered and in uncovering all this evidence they've opened up this field of study in harvard now where they're examining whether or not these psychedelic compounds played a big part in human history. But do you think, like when I listen to like a Graham Hancock, who again, I just discovered, you know, like, do you think though that like, let's say it's proven to be true that the psychedelics, they did do that and they have a positive effect. Would the government make them legal? Or do you believe that the government doesn't want that stuff out there because they

know how powerful it is and how much better we could get as humans because of it that's why i'm so kind of like thinking about doing it i'm like i think like you almost need that from again the brief research i've done on it and just really listening to experts in the field like are you even a complete human and at the highest function form if you don't at least do that natural stuff that ancient people have been doing for years i mean one of the guests on the show said that they give shots of ayahuasca to newborn babies

in some culture. Yeah, I don't know if those cultures are doing the right thing. Yeah. I don't know. There's cultures that fuck their kids too.

True. Papua New Guinea, all the horrible shit, the semen warriors, you know that story? You can't ever say a culture does it, it must be good.

Yeah. Who the hell knows? Well, I'm just saying if there's kids, because I would think if you told me- I think you can become a good person without it. Right. You think meditation is key. If you're not meditating, you think you have to be meditating.

I think everybody needs a different thing. Unfortunately, because I think it would be great if there was one size fits all. Like, hey, take mushrooms. You'll be a better person. I don't think that's real. Just like I don't think there's one diet fit all, one exercise program fit all, one interest in hobbies category that fits all. It doesn't work. We vary so fucking much, man.

Right. We're the same thing, but we vary so much. There's people that do things every day that you and I couldn't imagine doing once. Yeah. And they do it every day with glee. we're terrified of it or we find it boring or we just completely uninterested You know the people it's their whole life. You think you have to just accept who you are not resist who you are You gotta find who you are Cultivate who you are and you can in some ways you can create who you are in that you can choose to be better at things choose to be a better person choose to be a better comedian choose to be a better athlete you can choose to be better at things and you literally change who you are like whoever Michael

Jordan was before he played basketball is not the same guy that became Michael Jordan the hall of famer who's one of the greatest athletes of all time. That guy became something. He made himself, turned himself through will and effort and thought and hard work, changed who he is. Yeah, I read this. I feel like it's weird. The last six months for me have almost been like,

do I have cancer or something like that? I have something that I don't even know about yet where I'm going to die. And these are like the last few years of my life because I was just like, something just shifted in me. Cause I, you know, I have two kids now, but when I had my first kid, you would think it'd be extremely impactful. And it was, but now like this, I've been reading, trying to read so much about not even so much history. I do love history, but I've been trying to read other stuff. I just read this book, The Five Things You Must Know Before You Die by John Izzo, and he interviewed all people on their deathbed from all different walks of life, all different

cultures, creeds, all different levels of intelligence, but all of them had to be, I think, be over 75 and be at end of life care. So they all had, but cognitively aware. And they all were saying the same things in different languages about not making money. You're God at all that, you know, the guy on his deathbed, he was like, I wish I was surrounded by my family instead of my BMWs. That's what I see out my window. I don't care about them. I wish my family was here. And they all said the same thing. It's not about, all these people said, it's not about failing.

Everyone's going to fail. All the people who are angry at the end of their life never took a chance to fail. They never faced the failure. They just said, I'm not going to do it. And they lived their life comfortably. And now they're on their deathbed being like, I would give anything back to do it. Where the people who took all these chances and failed, a lot of them people were on their deathbeds almost penniless, but joyous, so happy because they took so many opportunities and they failed at all of them some some people failed at like 90 percent of what they tried and they were so happy because at least they took the chance

to do it and I was like wow like I there's a lot of things that I've done in my life there's a lot of things I have tried like comedy and getting a doctorate degree and and all that stuff I was like oh wow I did that but then there's a lot of things I haven't because I was just, and I'm like, man, like listening to these people, it's like, just try everything, safely, try everything that you can. And I wasn't like that. Like six months ago, I was very like, I'm just going to do comedy. That's what I want to do. I'm in the comedy zone. I do this. And now I'm like into real estate. Now I'm into, you know, trying to get into, even though I'm about to be 38, I'm like, I can start MMA now. I've always wanted to. It's always been a thing in me. Like, how come you don't know how to defend yourself? I'm starting to try to do that.

I'm starting to try to, you know, get out here and like, you know, learn more about psychedelics. And I feel it. Like, I almost feel like I can't stop myself from doing psychedelics. Like it's going to happen. Like I just, where six months ago, I'd be like, I'm terrified. I almost feel like I can't stop myself from doing psychedelics. It's going to happen. Six months ago, I'd be like, I'm terrified. What if my heart stops? And now I'm like, well, if I take a psychedelic and my heart stops, then I'll just continue on with whatever the next part of my existence might be. The thing is nobody can tell you what's going to happen. That's why it's so weird.

But it's probably a part of why humans became humans. Right. I mean, there's a guy named Terrence McKenna who had a theory about the evolution of man and it involved mushrooms. They called it the stoned ape theory. Yeah. And the stoned ape theory is about how there's a giant leap in human brain size. It's like one of the most confusing things in the entire fossil record because the human

brain size, I think it more than doubles over a period of two million years. And they have no idea why. They don't know why. They have guesses. Cooked food, some of them they think might be throwing things. They figured out how to throw things. And they created weapons. Why?

Because you could safely be away from an animal, something like that? Yeah, so you can hunt things that you weren't exactly close to. But it doesn't make sense that that would make your brain grow that fast. The thing that McKenna said was that if you look at the timeline of when humans, their brains grew, it's at the same time where the rainforests were receding into grasslands. Okay. And so when the rainforests were receding into grasslands, there was a lot of undulates, like cow-type creatures,

and a lot of the primates came down from the trees, and they would flip over cow patties and find beetles and bugs and worms and shit to eat, and on the top of cow patties were often mushrooms. And he thinks it's very reasonable to assume they would have experimented with those mushrooms to see if they're edible. And one of the things you find when you do eat psilocybin, which is very common in cow shit, psilocybin in low doses increases visual acuity, which means you can see things better, which would make you a better hunter. And they've proven this with the,

there was a guy, I forget the guy's name, but he was a psychologist that, I think it was a psychologist. And he did these studies on psilocybin and edge detection meaning that like if you you took a hundred random people and gave fifty of them psilocybin and fifty of them Nothing the ones that took the psilocybin could detect if you had two parallel lines if the line moved off the parallel The ones who run psilocybin could detect it quicker the line moved off the parallel, the ones who run psilocybin could detect it quicker. So it changes the way you see things.

It makes you horny in low doses. It brings about a sense of community and creativity, and it might even encourage the creation of language. And his brother Dennis explained that, but I'm not going to butcher that. But he actually explained it on my podcast, why the way psilocybin interacts with human neurochemistry would encourage the creation of language. So if that's the case, that's these primates experimenting with mushrooms accelerated our development far beyond what it would have been if we hadn't done that. Interesting. Yeah. I feel like there's almost no way that those types of drugs weren't a huge impact in our development.

I also think distractions were a lot lower probably back then. And like, you know, when you like Great Pyramid stuff, when I listen to all these great thinkers talk about it, I'm like, but also like maybe feats like that would be impossible now because of distractions and unions and this and that but back then it's like if I told you You need to get that brick in that right place before you're gonna get whipped and or killed You would have a higher chance of doing it. Yeah, you just get whipped or killed This is not a thing. That's yeah I think it's about that I don't think it was about like forcing people to do it as much as it is about skilled labor They don't they just have recently decided I think it was within the last couple of decades

that those people that worked in the pyramids were probably well paid and they found because like they found camps like the type of food that they ate right and they think they were it was skilled labor but they still the problem is they don't have any fucking idea how they did it. The craziest thing about it is the technology that exists to move that stuff. There's no evidence of it. Right. Like it's, the pyramids were almost like if you wanted to prove that civilization gets to extreme heights and then gets reset, you would have to leave behind something that

would defy time. And the only thing that you're really going to leave behind something that would defy time. And the only thing that you're really going to leave behind that defies time is made out of stone and it's huge. And that's what they did. They made something that defied our current understanding of construction. Because if you ask people, could you build the pyramid today? There's a lot of people that will arrogantly say, yes, of course we could build the pyramid. Of course we could do it today.

It's not that easy. Maybe people could do it today. But you have to think about people doing it 4,000, 5,000, 6,000 years ago. How the fuck did they do it then? There's 2,300,000 stones that they're cut so perfectly that they come to a fucking point at the top and it points on each corner to true

north south east and west there's two million three hundred thousand fucking stones some of them are from quarries that were hundreds of miles away it's nuts is your opinion then that maybe psilocybin and things like that were involved

in this type of stuff? I think we are arrogant to assume that this is the greatest height that humanity has ever reached. Yeah, I agree with that. I think those things point to humanity that existed, where or a civilization that existed

that was way more complex than we understand and i think something happened and because of the graham hancock podcast and a guy named randall carlson who i've had on i've been introduced to the younger dryas impact theory and the younger dryas impact theory coincides with the end of the ice age and there's a lot of physical evidence that somewhere around like i think it was more than one time but from an area of like 12,000 years ago up until like 11,000 years ish the earth probably got hit multiple times by a comet shower right we probably got fucked up and the way they find it is they do core samples they fight iridium and it's all around that same area of time when they get into that 12,000 and 10,000 years like

there's a lot of iridium which is really common in space and really rare on earth and they find nuclear glass is this shit that they find when they do nuclear test blasts right and it also happens when asteroids hit so they found this stuff also in that same time period so they're like i think earth got lit up and it probably killed a large percentage of the population. Do you think there are people in this world, in this country, like groups of people that know for a fact some of these things that we debate daily? No, they're trying to figure that out. They're trying to figure that out.

No one knows for a fact. You don't know for a fact what happened 12,000 years ago, but you could look at a lot of evidence. Right. years ago, but you could look at a lot of evidence. The Randall Carlson evidence is really fascinating because it literally coincides with the end of the Ice Age and a rapid death of a large percentage of animals in North America. Including humans. Yeah, but not all of us. We lived,

right? But the fucking that coincides with the end of the mammoth. It coincides with the end of the saber-toothed tiger. Like, all those animals get wiped out there's like something around 65 percent of all the megafauna gets wiped out well we might be in a place where we could or at least our kids will know like like you know like when lewis and clark embarked on their lewis and clark expedition they nobody from america had been any

further really west of like i think oh, Ohio. So they were like, maybe the end of the earth is there. They thought Lewis and Clark were fully, they packed tools, like we might encounter dinosaurs. And that was just 200 years ago. They genuinely thought like, there's a possibility there's a brontosaurus out there because we didn't have any of this info yet. And that was only 200 plus years ago. So we could be in this crossroads now where it's like, because what you said too is interesting when you're like, oh, we always think we're at the height of society. Like, you know, in Lincoln's time or right before Lincoln, like, you know, talking about like a president's sex

life or were they gay, were they straight? None of that was a scandal. It was like accepted. Right. End of Roman empire. It's like, you know You know gay it was all acceptable. Nobody had an issue with it, but you would think though Oh now we're the most progressive and it's like no, I think there was there were progressive back then It's just it goes in cycles I think it does go in cycles and you know another thing to take into consideration is how long the stuff that we have that We rely on a day-to-day basis would last if we weren't around Right like if our phones like it's like I was just in Detroit, right? Okay.

So Detroit is a great example because Detroit fell apart in, I guess it was the 80s when it all went down. The destruction of Detroit and then you look at the homes that have been overtaken by trees. Right away. It's wild, dude. Yeah. Like trees popping through the roof of a house. Right. Like and there's a lot of them.

And that's only 40 years ago. Exactly. So how long do you think your phone would be around if you just left it in the dirt? If your phone got covered by dirt, the earth would consume it in a few hundred years for sure. Yeah. There would be no evidence. So now imagine 5,000 years. Yeah.

So if we're going back to the time where we think they made the Great Pyramid of Giza, Yeah. So if we're going back to the time where we think they made the Great Pyramid of Giza, which is like 2500 BC ish somewhere around then. This is the kind of it's a lot of, you know, estimates. But that who the fuck knows what they had. We don't know what there's not. It's not going to be here. Yeah. Or like or like, you know, I saw like on the news the other day, like there's a doorway on potential doorway on Mars. And it's like how do you know? Who knows what the hell that is? Didn't we wreck a bunch of shit on Mars though? They've sent a bunch of satellites up there. Well, it said that it was a, did you see what

I'm talking about? Where it said it was like a door. I didn't read it though. They said it was like a door like into like a room. But again, it could just, you know. What? Yeah. That can't be real. They said it's zoomed in and it's just like a natural rock formation. Shut the fuck up. They're lying to us i know the egyptians right let me see is that the only image of it yeah but my thing is that could not look more man more man-made because it's like if that

was a million years of being untouched i mean like like if a million if we got an asteroid got wiped out today and a million years from now there would be no evidence of anything we would be miles underneath the earth so like why couldn could that happen in mars maybe god is hilarious and god's like i got an idea i'm gonna leave behind a fake door on mars yeah just that looks so much like a compound like that looks like something from star wars where like you know like you land on the if you had the opportunity would you go to mars just to see no you won't because i feel like mars is like whatever it's just like going to arizona i would want to go dude I don't even want to go to the desert why would I want to go to another whole desert planet yeah I don't even if you gave me a free chance to even go into space

I just don't I have no I have zero desire to do it I might be interested in going into space just so I could get the perspective of looking down on the earth from orbit I think it must be wild I think that must be wild I think because that must be wild. I think, because astronauts talk about it, they're pretty unanimous in it, that it's a life-changing perspective enhancer, that you see the Earth from above, and then the whole idea of countries in war and separated by borders seems so insane.

When you're way above it looking down, you're like, oh my God, most of our problems would be solved if we didn't think in terms of borders, and we didn't have groups of people that control Massive groups of people because all they want to do is profit off controlling massive groups of sure then you get totalitarian governments like China and North Korea And then the people are in fucking entrapped in this ideology and you're fucked and you look up down and you're like this is nuts No, we got like hives of people that are living in these patches of dirt that think for some reason they have a dispute with people they've never even met

which is insane it's lines on a map i mean listen i love you know being an american but i will i will tell you like five years ago my sense of patriotism was a lot stronger than it is now not that i love this country any less but i'm like it's stupid i was just biologically born here it's just a it's just just like a lottery ball coming out. I could have been born anywhere. But look, Earth could be all like the best aspect of America is what my point is. Yeah. It's not that America is awesome and only awesome.

It's that if everyone had as much freedom as we have in America, the world would be a better place and if we could get what is wrong with America sorted out right? Solve all the inequities solve all the inequality solve all the bullshit with horrible displaced communities Where they have no hope fix these these real problems that we have here at home Yeah It's kind of crazy how much time we put into other things Like outside of America when you look at how fucked some of the cities in America are. Or look at it. We're sending billions of dollars to Ukraine, Russia, and there's no formula on the shelves

in CVS. I mean, I don't know where that fucking money's coming from. Like, I wish I understood how they allocate money to problems. Because if you don't think there's enough problems in America to allocate money, if they're not paying attention to what the fuck is going on in Chicago, the crazy amount of gunfire that they have in the south side of Chicago. I mean, that is wild. It's wild.

And that's just going to keep going? It's a full war zone. I think that, again, I don't know. I think the powers that be, whoever that is, there's just a lot of money in keeping us divided, a lot of money in keeping us angry. That's why the media cherry-pick stories to make problems way bigger than they appear you see you know we see it nightly in comedy clubs i mean what do you got you got a bunch of different people different ideologies races religions cultures creeds just laughing or not

laughing in unison yeah that's more more natural honestly yeah but the problem is it's profitable like if they have a horrible story that pisses everybody off, everybody's going to click on it. But don't you think though, we're at a point now where like, no, we're in more, I would blindly believe the news just right before the pandemic, I would blindly believe them. But now I think most people don't. Most people know it's like, this is like a talk show, like CNN and Fox. Well, it's way more dangerous than a talk show because it's funded by a very specific group of people that want to put out a very specific narrative. And that's one of the reasons why the rise of independent news sources like Breaking Points and all these different shows that they have that are out there now. That's what's interesting to people because now you get real news from actual journalists who's, one of their things that they're selling, their currency is honesty.

Right. Because we don't get that from, one thing, if you're going to listen to Fox News or you're going to listen to CNN, you're going to get ideologically driven information, right? Depending on who the source is, which anchor it is that's talking, but you're going to get it from the right on Fox, you're going to get it from the left. I agree. What about if someone just tells the fucking truth? I agree.

Those don't exist on television anymore. Not anymore. No, it's more on the internet or these other places. It's kind of like the CNN and Fox News. It's chain food. It's TGI Fridays, where it's like the best food is the mom and pop places, and that's where I try to focus if I'm going to look at the news. I've tried actually, though, I think, you know, there's an obligation, of course, to be informed.

I think just being a person, being a comic, whatever. But I really, really, really, I mean, with I would say most of my energy, you know, been trying to lose that anxiety. Most of my energy every fucking day, even more than physical at the gym more than anything else has been trying trying with literally every cell in my body every day to get off or to limit myself from social media because i believe in my heart that it is as bad for you as cigarettes were when cigarettes they were doing commercials for cigarettes in the 50s oh i love cigarettes whatever and now 100 years from now you may look back and be like, how the corrosion. So I've been off Twitter for nine days now.

I still have somebody tweet for me. I send them what I want to be said in my videos or wherever I'm going to be, promos. But I don't look at it. And just in nine days, I feel, you know, I'm silly, you know, when I'm to go to start the podcast. Oh, I hate myself. There's a silliness to that. It's just me. But genuinely, honestly, truthfully, gun to my head, I feel in just nine days, like incredibly

so much happier because just a couple of, it just takes one or two to get past the goalie and then it hurts you. I mean, it hurts, you know, when you see things about like your comedy, your look, your this, your that, how you are, what they heard you say on this podcast, it's painful to hear any negative response. So I used to think, oh, I have to take it all in. If you want to keep progressing in this career, you got to take the positives and the negatives. And I'm like, why do I have to do that? I'm only going to live once. I just want people to say positive things about or hear positive things about me. I know what I'm doing wrong.

I can self-critique and I can have members of my family or close friend group tell me something. I've tried to make a point now to make like a real fundamental decision to be like, I'm not going to let someone I don't know that I've never met influence my behavior or my mentality at all, including politicians or newscasters. I don't care because I'm like, I don't know them. Oh, so-and-so is an idiot. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Like you said, it could have been edited, the videos edited. I'm like, I've never met any president or politician or newscaster. I care about what my dad thinks of me, what my girl thinks of me.

I'm trying to just focus on that, and I've gotten noticeably happier in just less than two weeks. But you have to understand, when we're talking about social media, what you're experiencing is very unusual. that and I've gotten like noticeably happier in just less than two weeks. But you have to understand, like when we're talking about social media, what you're experiencing is very unusual. It's not regular social media. You're experiencing social media where thousands and thousands of strangers are judging you. Right. So when you talk about that, like the average person, if you tell the average person social

media is bad for you, they're like, well, I'm just like reading stuff. Like what's the big deal? That's true. When it's bad for you, when it like, well, I'm just reading stuff. What's the big deal? That's true. It's bad for you when it's negative. And the problem with anything that anyone's doing in the public eye is you're going to get a certain percentage of negative. And whether it's 10 to 1 or 100 to 1, that 1 that sneaks through is going to freak you out

more than the 100 that love you. It still even hurts you at your level. If you see one, it hurts. You don't like it. It's not nice to see that someone dislikes you enough to state it publicly nobody likes that right and if you do like it There's probably something wrong with you right like you shouldn't like that someone doesn't like you. That's weird Yeah, it's like it's the defense mechanism, but the point is is that that's a incredibly

Unusual position to be in right that doesn't exist in nature Like there's one person and this person Doesn't know all those other people but all those other people are watching all the stuff that they do right that's crazy Right, but that is fucking insane like that position the position to be in like a person like yourself That's putting stuff out on social media. No one knows how to handle that okay? Cuz it's not natural no one has it they can talk all that shit They want but no one does no one gets that spot except the people who get to that spot so whether it's you or whether

it's fucking yannis or chris rock or whoever the fuck posts on twitter right and reads their stuff and reads all the stuff that people are saying about yeah you're you're letting your fucking state of mind be influenced by untold millions of people randomly which is not a good gamble i think i think yeah because that's a good point which again it's not a solid game didn't think of because i only now i mean doing comedy whatever 12 years but only now am i starting to sell out shows and theaters and get recognized and get hated more now so i wasn't ready for it i thought people liked me you know and then they do because people have always been like

oh Chris you're a nice guy whatever you're a therapist you're gay you're a nice guy I don't know if you're gay I think your therapist might be gay for you but then

I've hooked up with my therapist but then on social media especially when I put the special on on Netflix because now I'm outside my podcast fan base now it's like

your comedy sucks right right right you suck you're a storyteller. You stick to podcasts, all that. And I was like, I don't like that. And then I had this conflict inside me where I was like, am I a pussy for getting off Twitter because I don't want to see that?

Am I a pussy? And then I kind of just made my own decision where I was like, no, I just don't want to deal with it. It was hurting me too much. I'm still going to keep going with my career, and I understand in the public eye you get more. But I was like, I don't need to see it at that level every second of every day. You don't need to see it.

You are a self-critical person. And, you know, there's good in that, and, you know, that can get away from you too. I mean, at a certain point in time, you just got to appreciate the moment of life. Don't be even too self-critical. But you only have so much time in a day. And the way I always describe it is this way. I said, if your entire consciousness, everything that you're capable of thinking of is like a bandwidth, like you have 100 units of these things. And then you take 30 units.

I have friends that have killed a fucking vacation because they went on Twitter. They read something that someone said about them. And then they clicked on an article and read the article, and then wrote a response article. So they're in fucking Hawaii with their family. Their family's out by the pool having a good time. They're in the hotel room going, oh, yeah, well, fuck you. And this guy is brilliant, by the way. It's insanity, the idea that people could think that that's healthy.

Right. If you are putting your stuff out there And you're clearly doing that you're going to have criticism. You're going to have a certain amount of it, but you can't Expect the normal normal mind of a human being which is what you have and what I have just a normal mind Yeah to comprehend what the fuck. It's like to get criticism from a million people. You can't comprehend it. It's too crazy. I mean, because back in the day, it's like even if you were going to get criticized,

it's like it was just by the people in your village. You know what I mean? Nobody knew you. You're not trying to be criticized by the people in your village. That's where it's interesting. Yeah. Because you're trying to be criticized by the whole world. Right. That's what you do when you put something out there.

So you can't be shocked. Right. But don't digest it. No, well, that's- You can't have it in your life. I'm trying to be proactive about it and be like, okay, if this is going to happen, if the career is going to go the way I want it to, then here's what I'm going to do to try to protect myself.

The people that I know that are on Twitter all the time, they get in disputes that wound up keeping them up at night. They go crazy and they'll tell me about it. I couldn't fucking sleep and then I got so upset and I'm reading the replies and I'm replying to them. And I can't wait to see how they replied to my reply. I'm like, bro. I know.

This is not real. You're not at a war. No. This is like some weird. It's like you're sending evil notes on passenger pigeons back and forth to each other. This is so fucking stupid. You made it all up. Well, that's why I think having children is such a blessing because it takes me

nature takes me out of it and be like, hey, you're going to miss your kid's first step because somebody said your bits sucked. You can't read that stuff. No, no, no. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't think

that criticism is important because it is important. Oh, sure. But you can't just digest it like all day long. It's like eating sugar or something like that. So you can't just do it all day long. It's not good for you. Well, I think in life it's best to keep your counsel small. I feel like a lot of successful people, they've got a small group of people that they talk to. You know what I mean?

But I guess that could get slippery too because you don't want to get surrounded by yes men. You don't want to be surrounded by yes men. But you have to be, first of all, the type of person that can't be surrounded by yes men. You're going to understand yourself what's bullshit and what's real. You have to be self-analytical. You have to be self-critical. You have to have a certain amount of introspective curiosity where you really want to know what the fuck you're doing. Are you doing things wrong?

You've got to be able to apologize. That's the other thing. You can't be stuck in bad decisions that you've made you gotta be able to say that was a bad decision yo so the fucking one of the biggest things that holds people up is the inability to admit they were wrong it fucks people up man because they don't grow oh my god it's you hit that on the head because i the people i got a person in my life that I've never once in my life seen them apologize for anything or I've never once seen them, when they get told that they're wrong, like, what?

Just accept it. He goes, I was in a store once and he was talking about hockey and he goes, oh, yeah, it was the fourth quarter of the hockey game. And the guy was like, oh, hockey's only got three periods. He was like, no, it doesn't. It's got hockey game. And the guy was like, oh, hockey's only got three periods. He was like, no, it doesn't. It's got four quarters. And they're like, what? Of course.

And he wouldn't accept it. And I was like, man, there's no way that, like you said, there's no way that guy grows. I feel like one thing I want to make sure my kids always know how to do is say they're sorry and have the courage to admit, hey, I was completely wrong. More than that, this is what I tell my kids. Lying in itself robs you of your ability to think about things and get better at things. Yeah. If you choose to never lie, then it's off the table. Now, if you do choose to do that and you're dealing with any kind of situation,

you can learn better. Right. Because you're not lying to yourself. Right. The people that lie suck. They suck at whatever they do of course that guy i guarantee that guy never gets good at things no he stinks exactly everything he does you can't get good at stuff if you're full of shit yeah like it's like the painful truth of being incorrect

is far superior than deluding yourself with some fucking belief that you're never wrong right that's because that's what everybody wants being right is awesome even when we're joking around about stuff about the podcast and i go jamie look that up and he looks it up and turns out to be jim like aha yeah but when he looks it up and it turns out to be wrong like oh really i thought it was fuck that's not a good feeling so people avoid that feeling well and and actually benjamin franklin said the reason why george washington was the man who he was and why he was able to get the country out of the mess is because he was not he would he would retreat. He would realize I fucked up. I just put this soldiers in a bad position. I'll look like a dick in the press. Let's retreat and we'll survive another day. another day where at that point every other like british generals you know they would just march their soldiers the redcoats in formation like idiots and they would just get shot and killed

and it's like you because they you were like hey if we're in the wrong system where then we're going to kill everybody and that's what it is when they would walk with the fucking white stripe in the middle of their chest and they would walk forward in march yeah war and they would just get shot what about the guy on the drums i feel like i'd be that guy just get shot in the head immediately because i'm on the drums amazing you need like I'd be that guy. Just get shot in the head immediately because I'm on the drums. You need a drummer when you're going to go to war. That is the dumbest fucking thing ever. You're going to announce.

I know. That music gets you high. That pumps you up, though, the drums. You have a musket. Good luck. Good luck. You have shit weapons. Everyone's going to die.

You're going to get shot in the dick. It's going to be horrible. A lead ball is going to take half your fucking face off. Yeah. Dude. I mean, I'm sure. I know you read a lot and have a lot of like former soldiers on but you know as a guy who'd be just terrified to even go to war where everybody's terrified to go to everybody that's the point yeah what i was saying earlier was what i meant by it when i talked about war that everybody's kind of capable of it if if if we all agreed that there's a group that's killing us and they're coming to kill us and you had a gun and they were coming your way, you'd shoot at them.

Sure. It's what everybody always does. Almost everybody. Some people will freeze. But the vast majority of people, when they're confronted by some sort of a thing, they switch. And then that becomes life. Life becomes tribal warfare. That's our default.

Tribal war. Our default from the beginning of human history has been you've got some shit that i want and i'm going to try to get it from you yeah it's not so much racism it's more tribalism i feel like the tribes stick together more than the races you know but um you know i read something interesting the other day about world war ii about how a couple of battles in the beginning of the war hitler and the nazis were very adamant about we're at war you will not have prostitutes you will not eat bad you know you'll take a little ponzer chocolate a little crystal meth and you will go out there and fight where the french were like dude let's party we we drink wine hookers everybody boy and they said dunkirk

and all those battles the reason why they lost, the reason why France got fucking rolled over, they say, is because they all had STDs. That's a real theory, that they all had chlamydia and fucking were just fighting with infections where the Nazis was just coming in there pounding just with full cocks. On meth. Full cock and meth. Yeah. That totally makes sense. It's interesting though, right?

How like little things in history, like it's just like a very basic human thing that happened, and then, boom, history got changed. Well, look at the fucking disease that ravaged through North America when the Europeans arrived. Smallpox and all that. I mean, that's probably responsible for the end of the Mayans, the end of the Aztecs, all the Native Americans dying off. That 90% of the Native Americans died from diseases from the Europeans. Yeah.

Yeah. It's interesting. I mean, even back then like human sacrifice and all that. Oh, yeah. I'm like, were the Mayans good people? Were the Aztecs good people? They were fucking killing everybody and sacrificing them to the sun gods. Most likely.

I think what happens is that civilizations get to like a really, really, really good place before they fall apart or if they fall apart and Then I think somewhere around the time when they're falling apart people start doing wacky shit I try to get things back get their juju back right and so they start like killing slaves and right now Sacrificing them to the Sun God so that they no longer had diseases and someone else tells you the problem that we're having in this world Is we're not sacrificing enough. So God doesn't think we love him. Yeah.

And so you could talk people into it. A hundred percent. I wonder if we're going to be at that point now. Because a lot of people are like, oh, doesn't it feel like the world's ending? I'm like, it doesn't to me. It doesn't feel like we're there yet. Well, what do you think war is? When we send people and you know they're going to die for an unjust cause because they're

going to create wealth and they're going to control resources. In a way, they're sacrificing lives for a greater good, what they think is a greater good for them, which is like some sort of economic gain or control of resources and oil or strategic move. But they're sacrificing people. Right. There's just doing it in this sort of, I wasn't, no, it was a war. I wasn't there.

But you're sending people and you know some of them are going to die for a greater good. Yeah, well, that whole idea, too, of like war and, you know, and again, I'm sure there's a million reasons why it doesn't. But it like it would seem like if I was in a human and I was looking down, it would seem like, hey, all you people don't have to die. Why don't you just get the one leader of that country who's mad at that country just have those two fight or have them both pick one guy to fight and the winner gets whatever you can't have that because then you have the biggest strongest guy runs the whole world because he controls all the army you can't have that like you have to have people voting over stuff you can't it can't like the only reason why it works is because a group has a better what more ass-kicking general but that's the thing even in any even the best presidents even the best uh leaders and prime ministers at the core of it you're an egomaniac lunatic if you even want to be in a position right to lead these people of course that's why i think the found want

to be a putin if even a even even a good president if you want to be a nice guy if you want to be a jfk or an obama even it's like there's even though I loved Obama but there's no way that guy is in the fucking egomaniac lunatic if you want to be president I think you can't be it without the other I don't I agree 100% and I also think you can't do it if you're around the type of people that are also doing it you're not become a fucking psycho psycho if you're around all these people that you know are engaging what in what is essentially insider trading yeah and they're all openly doing it, and they're all responsible for the law, and they're responsible for the way this country runs at its core, and they just fucking rake it in cash from all this fucking dirty shit that would get you arrested in other businesses. Yeah. It almost feels like I know you need we need people to lead, but it almost feels like in a way.

And maybe I heard this from somebody. Maybe it was Graham Hancock who said this, that you almost were almost like outgrowing government now where it's like you don't need it as much. Right. Anymore. You can like because now it's becoming like we're starting to like revolt a little bit. Well, imagine if there was no boundaries on what a person could and could not pursue in terms of their religious freedom, what they want to do for a living, what they want to do sexually. If there was nothing, that was completely off the table. That's an archaic thing in the past, like burning witches at the stake.

Yeah. And then we realized there's a certain finite amount of resources on earth, but when it's spread evenly, there's really enough for everybody. Right. So we're just going to make a certain amount of food available for everybody. Yeah. really enough for everybody. Right. So we're just going to make, you know, a certain amount of food available for everybody. Yeah. Housing available for everybody. And we all work together to make sure that everybody lives at a certain level of life.

Then the other things are just about how much effort you're willing to put in. But it has to be, if we know this at this level, that the governments and powers that be know it too. They can't. But how are they going to communicate that idea to everybody and have everybody accept it? They're not going to. Like we're stuck in this paradigm until people work it out. I don't think it's like – I don't think it's a function as much of a group of people that have decided to hide the truth that we can all get along together.

As much as they're just trying to control what they have. They're just trying to control what they have, and they're dealing with other countries that are trying to control what they have and arguing over resources and territories and laws that get passed and things along those lines. That's why I think, though, I really believe in Mikado's own that aliens are going to be like, not only are we going to find out that they're for real for real but they're coming because i think that's the only way we unite as a people is we got to fight something else now i think who knows if we get demolished or not maybe maybe not but i do feel like we're getting set up i thought aliens were coming at the end of the pandemic i think we all did i think we're all like there's no like the nasa the research everything's coming out i feel like they're coming in the next 20 years and that's the only way we can get back to kind of coming together. Aliens will cure racism.

I think that if aliens do exist, and they have gone through a similar evolutionary process as human beings have, and one of the things that's interesting about that is there's a real good theory that psilocybin itself might be extraterrestrial. Wow. And that spores- We got to do it. Spores can exist in a vacuum.

And they think that, well, they know that some, like we're talking about iridium, how iridium exists when they go to do the core sample of like 20,000 years. And they get to that area where they think the impacts hit there's all this iridium because they know that iridium comes from space and oftentimes exists in meteors that land on earth and and that's how you find it but other stuff gets there too and there's even this a theory of panspermia panspermia is a theory that the organic building blocks from life or for life, like even amino acids, they could have come here from some other planet, crash landed, and the chemical process begins, it creates life. Now, if that's the case, if they think that psilocybin can exist in spores, like fungus spores can exist in a vacuum, they could conceivably be on a rock that lands on earth and a meteor impact

and spread that way. Right. Yeah. Because it seems to me that I could understand that being kind of a hypothesis that could be true because it, again, I know you've done it before, but it seems when I, the research I did with the psilocybin, people kind of say, I keep hearing the similar thing that in different ways with mushrooms or ayahuasca. A lot of people say that they calm down a lot. Some of them at least say. It alleviates anxiety for a lot of people. Because they say that they know that death isn't the end. It's just another part of your existence.

And that they, I've heard a lot of people say in the research, they say the same thing, that they believe we're all God. God is in everything. So it's not even a spiritual thing, it's like a creator thing where it's like maybe that is the thing that, you know, maybe we were created by something. Isn't it interesting that something that alleviates ego's control, alleviates you from ego's control, because one of the things that it does is it diminishes the ego when you take psilocybin,

but also diminishes anxiety. Remember we were talking earlier that it might be a narcissistic thing, and you were saying that it might be a narcissistic thing to be so anxious? If that kind of seems like that may be a possibility for some people, obviously for some people and this should i should be clear on this we're talking about it earlier some people have anxiety because they're mentally imbalanced yeah something's wrong it's chemicals there's some chemicals that are off in the brain but the the idea that something can come along that can alleviate your

anxiety but also diminishes the ego is It's really interesting, because like how much of this mental energy that people put into thinking about themselves would be alleviated if they realized they were a part of something that's immense and huge. That all of life itself is experiencing it through these different biological filters, but that we're ultimately really the same thing at our cores.

And that's one of the reasons why we freak out so much, or let me tell you something, I do. I freak out so much at people's flaws. I mean, flaws as in people that lie, or people that steal, or people that try to harm people, because I'm terrified in seeing those things in myself. You worry like, oh, I could imagine if I grew up in a foster care system and I was in and out of jail and getting beat up all the time that I would become this criminal that I'm looking at right here.

That could be you and you know it could be you because you're just a lucky human being that didn't have to live like that because we're essentially, what the energy is of what a human is, outside of language, outside of your fucking childhood and your life experiences, the energy of a human is probably really similar in all of us and it's just going through these

different biological filters different life circumstances but if you lived my life you would be me and if i lived your life i would be you and that's probably the reality of people that you feel when you're on mushrooms and So all the thinking about yourself seems less, it just seems to make less sense. Yeah, because you're never really mad at anyone. You're always usually just mad at yourself, right? A lot of times you're mad at other people. If other people are doing you bad.

No, I know, but don't you think at the core of it, it could be that you're just mad at yourself? Like if somebody, at the end of the day, I think like, even if I got into a car accident, it was 1000% I think not my fault. In a way, I think deep, deep, deep, deep, deep in my brain. I'm like, no, it was my fault. How?

Because maybe I could have been more aware. Maybe I could have stopped sooner. Maybe I was texting and driving. Two-year-olds get killed in drive-bys. Okay, the idea that everybody creates their own destiny with their imagination is kind of silly. But people do think like that. I've heard people say it.

There was a fucking documentary. I don't even remember which one it was, but one of those wacky metaphysical documentaries that was trying to say that everything in your life, including all the diseases that people have, everything is created by your own mind. That is so crazy and so dumb. Do you think that, like,

someone who is born with, like, mal-shaped limbs, was that their personal choice? No. Like, that is so fucking dumb. With what we know about biology, that's so fucking dumb that people would think that way. There's a lot of random luck involved in shit. So I was gonna say, you think it's more luck. It's more

random luck. You think that's the energy. But there's that too. Look, there's no doubt about it, okay? If a fucking baby gets hit with a stray bullet, the baby did not will that stray bullet into its fucking life. I agree with you there. It's not the baby's choices that it got shot in the crib. There's randomness to life. It just doesn't experience. You don't

experience it every day. So you assume because you're aware of the patterns you do experience every day, like driving to work, I see a certain amount of things, I'm around a certain amount of things, all that shit ends if an asteroid hits. Boom! Back to cave people. Instantaneously. Cannibalism. Instantaneously.

Scratching and clawing to survive. Instantaneously. That's a reality. That can happen. And that's what we don't think of because it hasn't. But we know it has. That's what's. That can happen. And that's what we don't think of because it hasn't. But we know it has. That's what's so fucked. We know it did kill the dinosaurs.

We're pretty sure this Younger Dryas impact theory has got a lot of validity to it. It seems like it has a lot of evidence. It points to it being one of the possibilities to kill off a giant percentage of fucking animals on this planet and probably reset civilization. Yeah, we definitely are living extremely comfortable um at this point in time but my thing is when people say that it's like but what am i supposed to do like you don't believe that i lived in the 1850s like i don't want to shit in a hole a mile outside my house no you don't have to do that it's just the understanding that this is all unknown you can't think that it's your fault if we get hit with a fucking asteroid.

Because it's not. There's a lot of randomness to this shit. There's a lot. Yeah. Well, I think just not resisting is a big thing. Just accepting anything and limiting the resistance. I hear that. I follow that guy, Saad Guru, whatever.

He's always talking about that. Just stop resisting. Accept everything. There's something to that for sure. But you know what else there's something to? Knowing that you're not going to figure this out. Just living your life and trying to do the best you can, but knowing that you're not going to figure this out. Because no one has all the goddamn answers to this. And the people that come up with pretty good ideas, like sad guru, maybe some of the things that he says are wacky. And then there's another guy that has some other interesting ideas but maybe uh he sucks as a boss you know there's

another guy that says cool shit but uh you know maybe uh he lies about his last name like there's a lot of fucking weirdness to be in a person well i was gonna say in that and that i think is the slippery slope we're down now or at least we're down a little bit a year or two ago when trying to you know go back in history and remove certain figures. It's like, wait a second, bad people do good things. Good people do bad things. That's just the scope of being a human being. Right. But the problem is you idolize someone if you put up a big statue of them. If we put up a big statue of Hitler and say, hey, you made some really good watercolors. Yeah. He was a vegetarian. Right. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you can't do that. So when you have a statue of George Washington, and then you hear about the good stuff that

George Washington did, like what you were saying is his humility to pull out and his smart, but then you find out that his teeth were all slave teeth that he had pulled from his slaves and made into dentures. Yeah. And you're like, yo. That's not good. That's not good. But I, you know what's interesting too is is because a lot of people like, well, you

know, they didn't know any better with that. And then bro, bro. But when you read the accounts, like, have you ever, did you ever read this 1776 book? No. It was fascinating because what I like is an author and what I've always liked from an early age, I was being like, ah, I'm learning history here in history class in my high school or grammar school in America. From the point of view of an American.

I want to learn from America's enemies what happened. And then I can kind of piece together in my own, because history isn't even fact. It's all recounting tales and it's all telling a story. But when the British got to colonial America, they were on the floor astounded that there were slaves. That was the thing that was disgusting them. Like British soldiers, they have a letter of a British soldier writing back to his wife. He's like, he was terrified of two things. He goes, one, Massachusetts, the most puritanical place we had that was supposed to be the best

people living in our country in that time all had slaves. And he's like, I can't even sleep at night if these people are enslaving other human beings because slavery was outlawed 100 years in England. Wow. And then he said, you know, another thing, and it's kind of crazy, and this hit me with German, because, you know, the British hired, you know,

mercenary, Hessian mercenaries, German mercenaries. He said they ran onto shore, ran off the fucking boats, and started killing american soldiers and cutting their faces off and taking things as they were brutal he said brutal vicious and it's like not all germany but then it's like that country's history it's like you know all the way up to nazis and you're like oh maybe there is something in dna where like tribes act like tribes because even back then in the book they were like the hessians were fucking wild jesus christ i didn't know that story yeah but that and then but it was interesting because you know this soldier was saying like so

what that argument of oh they didn't know any better it's like I think they did I think back then it was just a business choice that was like all this stuff was just business just like today we make business just I mean they say again I don't know but they say that the most slaves that ever existed are right now in like Saudi Arabia that's what they say, again, I don't know, but they say that the most slaves that ever existed are right now in Saudi Arabia. That's what they say, I believe. There's more people enslaved today than during the time when slavery was legal in America, but there's way more people on the planet. So I don't know if the percentage is down, but the number is up. But it's crazy how slavery, it still even exists today in any shape or form.

Open slave auctions Yeah, Libya. Yeah, see those on YouTube that I haven't seen no it's nuts. Well, Libya is a failed state, right? So when when Libya fell apart, there was fucking open slave auctions on YouTube You know, it's really quick. It's almost filming it with their cell phone What's really fucking crazy dude is if you think about about how horrific the people were that lived in the 1700s, then think Columbus was as many years ago from that as we are from the people in the 1700s.

That's what's fucking crazy. Fucking crazy. Columbus in the 1400s, when they landed in the Bahamas or wherever they landed, they were 300 years more barbaric than the people in the 1700s well dude and then things lose their meaning like you know like i learned i went to charleston you know like you

know like one of the greatest comedy movies of you know whatever the 2000s i would argue was knocked up that was like a great movie oh knocked up judd apatow's knocked up and then i went to charleston and i went to the visit the slave market there. And you know where the term knocked up comes from? No. When a female slave was pregnant with a child, her price was knocked up. So they would say, she's knocked up. And that's why, oh, I'm pregnant. I'm knocked up.

Now it's like, oh, it's silly. Look at this kid's movie, Knocked Up. And it's like, just 200 years ago, you said that to someone. It was like, that's the most devastating thing I've heard. So we get desensitized very, very quickly. Holy shit. Our brains adapt. I think, what do they say?

Every 21 days, you can just get over something and forget that that happened and that was bad. I mean, look. Just that knocked up fact is crazy. How wild is that? That's why when I saw a lot of things getting canceled, I was like, I bet you knocked up is going to have to change your name. Well, it is now. They're going to hear it now after this now most people do I didn't know that I'm never gonna get it you know that Jamie

no that's crazy I hope I didn't make that well he probably didn't know it either well no I'm sure we'll find out sure I didn't I'm sure Jamie's uh googling it right now yeah that sounds different like it makes what you say it says I'm trying to read it real quick it says something different did I fuck it up second meaning uh let's see there's a course the slate awaken someone by knocking the second meaning isn't why leaves in america is still common britain at this slave market for sure on this tour they said that was where it came up from came the meaning when a woman gets pregnant she's knocked up that maybe it was maybe it was a common expression before that and then they added it to this a woman being pregnant with slavery

because it indicated the same thing that the price was knocked up right like so maybe you knocked up like how much a horseshoes all they've been knocked up like maybe it was normal right to say knocked up and then it became knocked up with that right on top or like even even just um just uh uh two years ago one of a woman who i know my one of my mother's friends who was working at a hospital for 30 years an employee came in like a new a younger girl uh my mom's friend is white this girl happened to be black and my my she goes um the woman who's been again working there 30 years the girl asked a question and it was like was like, oh, don't worry about it. We're going to educate you.

She goes, don't worry. We're going to whip you into shape, and you're going to be great. Oh, Jesus. Fired. And I was like, even whip you into shape? You can't say that. The Oxford English Dictionary traces the expression back as far as 1813 and says it's of an American origin. Oh, there you go. An OED citation from 1836 refers to slave women

who are knocked down by the auctioneer and knocked up by the purchaser. Mm-hmm. Huh. This, for sure, this tour guide said it's because their price was knocked up. So maybe... Knocked down by the auctioneer.

What does that mean, knocked up by the purchaser. Is the auctioneer the guy who does the, hey, somebody, somebody. Is that the person who, yeah, that's the auctioneer, right? That's not. So the other person would just be what in the audience? Who's buying it? What are they? Purchaser.

So it's knocked up by the purchaser. That's what it said. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense, right? So the auctioneer is the guy who's like, do I have 17? Do I have 17? He says, I'll give you 20.

Yeah. So that's knocked up. Knocked up. Interesting. Well, it's still attached to slavery somehow. Yeah. Maybe I added the second part in to make it fit more. It makes sense, though.

It does make sense. But then it doesn't make sense because then she wouldn't be able to work and she would have to take care of the kid. Well, no, you're getting two humans, though. Right, but you won't for a long time. True. Right?

Listen, I don't make the rules. Well, one of the things Native Americans would do, unfortunately, when they kidnap people is they would accept children because those children could be integrated into society. Right. But they would kill babies because they didn't want to have to take care of the baby.

So the Comanches, when they – there's this incredible book called Empire of the Summer Moon that details this woman. I forget her name. Her last name is Parker. And she got kidnapped when she was nine years old by the Comanches. And they killed her mom. They killed everybody else. They took her because she wasn't an adult. They killed the adults. Or on They took her because she wasn't an adult. They killed the adults or, you know, on rare cases they would accept them and like take a woman as a wife or something like that.

But most adult males were just killed. Right. And then they also killed babies. But they would let children join the tribe because they had a hard time with women keeping babies because all the riding on horses, they would have a lot of miscarriages. So they needed to keep their numbers high. So they would incorporate kids that they had kidnapped into their tribe. I guess that makes sense.

I mean, I guess, you know, too, like in nature, like that's the thing is like, you know, I guess because we have conscious thought and all that, you know, humans get a bad rap. But like I saw a video once of this zebra that was giving birth and i guess the father that impregnated that zebra must have been killed in the course of the baby giving birth and then the new male zebra came in and as the baby's being born the new male zebra is stomping its head to death because it's like that ain't mine i have a friend out here who has that happen on his property out here oh wow he's got a zebra in Texas and he's like I got a zebra that's a cunt and he kills the other zebras keeps killing the other zebras and he's like a non-viable older male he has to kill this zebra yes the zebra is killing the

other zebras yeah that's another thing thank God we're not British but then we'd have to say zebra zebra I don't I don't want to say zebra. Well they say Zed too, with Z. Shut up, Zed. They don't say A to Z, they say A to Zed. A to Zed. Like a Corvette ZR1 is a Zed R1. Zed R1. Zed R1.

You know what's another thing I read, which I thought was funny, is that some linguistic expert thinks that most likely the closest that colonial Americans sounded like was Boston Bostonians, like the Bostonian accent right now is the closest, so just think about

like founding fathers just fucking being like cocksucker, well that makes sense because it's a terrible accent, it sounds awful coming out of women are you gonna fucking marry me or what Chris DiStefano you think you heart's shit? So even you being from, you're from Massachusetts, right?

Yeah. Even you don't like that accent. It's gross. It's fun to go back and drink there, though. It's fun when you hear it, rather, if you're hanging out with a bunch of drunk guys and they're talking in a Boston accent. Yeah. But I think there's other accents that are prettier.

Like for a girl, right? If you hear a girl's accent, a girl from the South. Oh my God. That's the best accent. Honestly, I'll kiss right? If you hear a girl's accent, a girl from the South. Oh my God. That's the best accent. Honestly, I'll kiss anybody on the lips with a Southern accent. Male, female, trans, animal, I don't care. There's something about that accent that's lovely. It's lovely.

And there's something about it coming out of a girl's mouth. Like, why is that so hot? My friend, born and raised in New York, just could nail it. He was like as good as accents as like a Dan Soder. He would weekly, we would watch him do this. He would go out and become a British man for the entire night and make believe he was British and hook up with girls all day, every day with the British accent. Yeah, the British accent is strong.

And it's like, you know, and I feel like if he did that now,, there would be- Misrepresentation. You can't do that actually. Yeah, it's illegal. Yeah. Yeah, you get sued, maybe even jailed. But if you think about those fucking guys that are selling us stuff on late night TV, they all had British accents. Yeah.

Mops and shit. Selling you weird mops. Well, I used to be the job, like my high school job. I worked at the US Open, the USTA Tennis Center. And so, like, it's funny, like Roland Garros or Wimbledon or the Australian Open, they all pick the elite members of society's children. These are prestigious jobs where, like, USTA just picks, like, dirtbags from Queens and Brooklyn. Like, it was just us, you know, no experience. We didn't even know tennis.

We were like, 15 love, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, we had no idea. But it was a cool job. Like, you know, we worked the grounds crew. I used to stack the towels in the men's locker room. Dude, I saw, like, I've seen everybody's dick. Roger Federer, Roddick. Everyone just walks around with a piece.

One of my friends, he was stacking the ice on, it's called P1 through 7, practice course 1 through 7. And he started, like, flirting with, I think it was Serena Williams. She was 16 at the time. He was like 17. And then he says he made out with her like behind like a dumpster or something like that during practice. I'm like, I don't know. We've never verified it, but he's a good looking kid. I was like, yo, it was, we used to see crazy shit. But one time I was sitting watching a match and this umpire, you know, up in his chair, I was sitting watching a match and this umpire, you know, up in his chair like, you know, 15

love, 30 love, like that, like prim proper, gets down, right off, as soon as the match is over and is talking to his wife like, he's like, hey, you know, is the gas in the car? Like, he had a full New York accent. He was like, what's up? You good? What do you need? You need sauce?

And I was like, yo, and I saw it with my own eyes. Then, dude, the USTA was so funny. One time I saw, this was a US Open sanctioned match, okay? It was on one of the side courts, so it wasn't on television. This guy from Belgium, I forgot what his name was, but I was the court attendant on the court. He was getting fucking smacked. Like, he was losing everything.

Six love, six love. And then, you know, he was down, whatever, five love. Like, he didn't score any points. Like, nothing. He calls a timeout. In the middle of a U.S. Open sanctions match, starts smoking a cigarette. He starts smoking a full cigarette, just sitting there laughing, turning around. The crowd's laughing.

Like, you know, nobody had video cameras on their cell phones yet. Just smoking a cigarette because he knows he's getting fucking smacked the guy they you know carry on the guy serves it he doesn't even he like fake whiffs at it and just walks off because the mattress over and just walked off with cigarette smoke i was like yo that guy is cool as shit i was like whoa yeah something about accents right yeah there's something it. It is weird how some of them are better than others. They're just better, but people get stuck. It's like, who was the guy who originated the accent?

Who deviated from New England and developed Brooklyn? Who deviated from Brooklyn and made Baltimore? Who deviated from Baltimore and made the South? North Carolina? South Carolina? Where was the shift? There has to be somebody that knows. I wonder, if I was going to talk to Noam Chomsky,

I don't know if that's what I'd talk to him about, but if I was going to talk to someone who's a legitimate linguist, I would say, what are the contributing factors that leads to a certain sound that sort of encapsulates the way people talk in a specific region? Because California doesn't have anything. California, if anything, has a little bit of this. There's an uptalk but that's like more tech than it is california there's a way that people talk there was like there was a time where i think more people have become so aware that it's so gross and fake that they don't do it as much anymore but uptalk was a way that you could pretend that

you were intelligent right and you were part of this tribe of really intelligent, creative people. Yeah. You know, like you don't hear people talking like this. No, it's annoying now. And then, you know, saying they're Trump supporters. Right. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, that's a very progressive sort of tech savvy uptalk thing.

It's interesting with language because you would think many things and, you know, it took millions of years to evolve from not having a tail or getting to these certain but language changes quickly yeah i mean even now i mean the way we talked in 1940 is different than the way we talk now say fella yeah hello i have to suck you yeah we had a gay old time yeah exactly all that stuff was like you ever listen to like see like people talk from like the 1800s like an interview from like a put a video up on my Instagram did you ever see it no from a woman who was born I think she was born in the early 1800s okay and the video of her was from the early 1900s she was like 80 something years old see you're gonna find it Jamie it's um a black and white video of this lady and it's really interesting because

she kind of sounds like would you expect a woman who lived in the old west to talk like really yeah like it's hard to say how much they got it right with like fiction you know when you're reading fiction and even when they're historical accounts like how accurate were they i mean how much did they bullshit because like how much today do they bullshit about stuff? Of course. Like, look, the fucking president of the United—the White House, I should say. The White House put a tweet out that talked about how when Joe Biden got into office, there was no vaccine. Well, that's not fucking true. It's not true.

Not only was it not true, but he was vaccinated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got vaccinated before he got into office. And millions of people have been vaccinated by that. Oh, of course. So this lady—listen to this. I'm trying to get on my feet again. Feel pretty good. Thankful it's as well as it is. Oh, boys, I'm pleased to see you. I don't know where you come from, but I give you all the

welcome I've got to offer you. And I want to tell you that I'm living on the same ground that I've lived on for 75 long years when I come here as an 18-year-old bride. I went to Washington 50 years and a little more ago. I saw all the people around there and been with the presidents. And I learned a great many things up there that I didn't know before. I'll add a little more to it. I was one of the board of lady managers for the Chicago Exposition. And I served my full time in Chicago and learned a great many things over there. I was a delegate to the Tennessee Centennial Exposition. I was a delegate many things over there. I have been to, I was a delegate to the Tennessee

Centennial Exposition. I was a delegate to St. Louis, a juror at St. Louis. I think for a North Georgia cracker my size and age I've had a pretty good education on that life. That do all right. I was a three-year-old girl when the Indians were moved from this country to Indian territory. I have an indistinct recollection of seeing the red men as they went through the woods, for everything was woods nearly at that time. I have a distinct impression if a three-year-old child can have it. Nevertheless, I've been here since that time, and I've seen the march of progress all the way. At that time, we had only stagecoaches, and we only had horses and buggies,

and we had lots of footback travelers. Now I've seen it come along all this way and our plane goes over this, over my house going on its way and it's got to be such a common thing. Don't go, don't go even now to see if she can look at it. Isn't that wild? Oh my God. Isn't that wild? So it says she was born, she was born in 1835 and she was interviewed on camera in 1929. This lady was 15, 16 years old when the Civil War started.

That's so wild. That woman has memories, actual real memories of it. Yeah, that's wild. She's almost 100 years old there. Do you know what's something I saw the other day? Do you know that the last person whose father fought in the Civil War only died like three years ago? There was a guy who was alive who he, the guy who just died, lived to he was like 100. His father fought in the Civil War when his father was like 15 and had him when he was 84 or something like that.

Oh, my god. And the guy, so there was a guy living three years ago whose father, biological father, fought in the Civil War. Holy fuck. I was like, that's sick. The woman who died in 2020 was the last recipient of the Civil War pension. Wow. Holy shit. Oh my god.

Holy shit. Dude, that's, I mean it's, because why when you think about like all this stuff that we think is so long ago, it's not really that long ago. Well, I had a bit in my act, in one of my specials, my last special, where I talked about people think the United States is old.

I go, but the United States was formed in 1776. People lived to be 100. Well, that's three people ago. Yeah. That's real. That's three people ago. 10 people ago, Genghis Khan was running through China and lighting cities on fire. Ten people ago.

Yeah. Less. Really. If you, I don't know if anyone's ever asked you this. Probably they have. I'm a hack. Do you, do you, Bad Wolf, do you, if you could have any person in history on the pod, who would it be?

Would it be somebody like a Khan? I don't know, man. If it was only one person, I'd be like, I don't even know if I want to make that decision. Because who the fuck, I mean, who would I choose? I feel like you wouldn't do Jesus. You wouldn't have Jesus. Well, what if you found out that Jesus wasn't even real? I'd say, I'll have Jesus in the podcast.

And then you got him. There it is. There's no Jesus. Do you ever read like the accounts of Jesus where there was like 20 other people in that 30 year span claiming they were Jesus? Like he was just one of many people at that time. They think like, you know, Christianity or the Bible just picked one. It's possible.

You know, I mean, there's a lot of speculation about how many different versions of that exist. Like even Thor, right? Isn't Thor like the son of Odin? Isn't there like some similarities in the story of Thor to the story of Jesus? The problem is like these stories were all told in oral tradition for like a thousand years before they were even written down. The Gospels, I think the earliest Gospel, I'm guessing, was like Matthew.

It was written like 50 years after Jesus lived. Like none of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, they never lived with Jesus. Well, this is the New Testament, right? And then you got to go with the Old Testament where you're really into these stories that were an oral tradition. The New Testament is weird because like Constantine and a bunch of bishops decided. The Council of Nicaea. They just made it. They were like, hey, we're going to pick this, pick that.

This is what I think God said. I don't think God said that, bro. Let's get rid of that. My mother's like, you'll go to hell if you eat meat on Good Friday. I'm like, but the Pope who decided that just ran a fish business. That's the truth. He just ran a business. Isn't that really true?

Yeah, he owned like a bunch of fish markets. He was like, oh, yeah. No meat Fridays because he makes more fucking money. That's really what it was? Yes. No. Yeah. Well, Jamie ran out.

Jamie just went to pee. Yeah. When Jamie comes back. That's literally. We need to Google that. That's the story I heard. That more fucking money. That's really what it was? Yes. No. Yeah. Well, Jamie ran out. Jamie just went to pee. Yeah. When Jamie comes back. That's literally- We need to Google that. That's a story I heard. That's fucking insane. How insane is that?

When you look back, you're like, wait, what? Oh my God. But it makes sense. You know, and the other thing about priests being celibate. Why are they celibate? Because they were rock stars. They were fucking everybody. Everything.

They were probably fucking everybody and everything. They say, God told you to suck my dick. Yeah. That's what it is. You don't believe me? Yeah. They couldn't read the Bible. No.

Most people were like illiterate and like reading Latin. Like who the fuck knows how to read Latin? Who the fuck knows what that's saying? So when Martin Luther came along and they gave like a phonetic version of the Bible that you could read and then told you to interpret it yourself, like figure out what God said yourself, it created a giant uproar. They almost killed him for it. Right.

Yeah. No, I know. Well, even like the Old Testament, like, you know, if you would have told me two years ago, oh, you know, Noah's Ark, is it real? I'd be like, no way. But now I'm like, when you listen to these, you know, people talk about, well, there was a mass flooding and the ice polar caps, all that's like, it didn't happen like that. That's a story.

But there probably were a lot of people just on fucking boats where their land got flooded 100 that's just real i think 100 i think there's probably a lot of civilizations that went under because of natural disasters and if you're in a the theory is that if you're in a regional area that experiences like a volcanic eruption and it killed like pompeii or something like but even before that like even further back thousand years before pom Pompeii you don't know what has any I fight fucking idea what happened Everybody's dead everybody's dead and you have stories that get passed on no one's writing anything down Yeah, I saw I think it was the Instagram might have been history before us I'm not sure what Instagram account it was I but it's one of these history Instagram accounts I follow and they had like um like a piece piece of, I don't know, it's not

paper, whatever the material was. It was like in the Oh, wait a minute. Stop. You've got to get Jamie to Google that before we forget. What were we talking about? Oh, no, with fish. You can't eat meat on Good Friday, on Fridays during Lent or Good Friday, and I think

that story came about because when the Pope who was in charge, whoever decided that 500 years ago, owned a fish market. And that's why he did it. It was a business decision. So I don't know how to Google that because I don't know the names.

That's a lot of action. But I bet that'll come up. It totally makes sense. Yeah. And as it makes sense with the celibacy thing. Of course they had to be celibate. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's very unnatural. It's like, why would you choose the hardest thing to abstain from? Sex. It's like, of course you're going to go fuck outside of it. Or the fucking the kid thing, I don't know. Well, it's horrific. But how come this one group, Catholics, are the ones that have to abstain, but the Baptists are allowed to have sex?

It's ridiculous. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any i'm sure there's something in history though that talks i'm sure that there's some reason why they did that yeah yeah when maybe the guy in charge at that point didn't he wanted to get all keep all the pussy for himself maybe the king his wife got fucked by one of the priests 100 cute okay no more sex i just talked to god a thousand percent percent. And we've got new rules. But I was saying that the Egyptian thing I saw- Oh, here we go. I was trying to read through this.

There's lots of reasons, but there's something to it. The fishy tale behind eating fish on Friday. So the title is Lust, Lies, and Empire. The fishy tale behind eating fish on Friday. And so it says here- It's a long piece. But it was a powerful medieval pope. But it seems like it.

Something happened in the 1500s and it says at some point here it was a political thing to be eating fish. Oh, it was King Henry VIII times. Nice. That'd be a guy. Something then got reinstated in 1960. He'd be the guy. Would you want to interact with him

or would you want to just be around and watch as a silent, invisible observer? That's what I would want. See, a lot of people want to go for fat fuck King Henry VIII. I'd like to see jacked and shaped King Henry VIII. you want to just be around and watch as like a silent, invisible observer? That's what I would want. See, a lot of people want to go for fat fuck King Henry VIII. I'd like to see jacked and shaped King Henry VIII. I want to see that guy. Oh, he's probably a fuck. But imagine how cruel those people were. Like how many people they killed.

It's just like they didn't like the way they looked at him. Yeah, it was like ants to them. Just kill them all. And then it's crazy. He's killing all these women and he's the one that's determining the sex. Well, what's crazy also is that when you're talking about people that lived back then they're essentially serial killers but their serial killers were at the throne yes so it's wild so like what you're talking about richard ramirez or henry lee lucas or fucking any of these serial killers that we

know of that's what the fucking king was yeah king was a goddamn thrill killer yeah that's all he did they were serial killers that was the son of the son of Sam, just with a crown on. With a crown on. Imagine the son of Sam being the king of England. He probably thinks he's the king of England in jail. Dude, we got to end this. It's almost five o'clock. How long did we make?

More than three hours. Did we make it more than three hours? That's all that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My comic buddy said, that's how you know as a comic, if you had a good episode, if you have to make three hours. If not, you suck. No, it was great. It was great. Good. All right. So we made it three hours. I didn't fail, Mom.

I'm sure we pissed a lot of people off with the anxiety talk and stuff. Oh, yeah. Well, hey, I'm not on Twitter, so. Well, I am, but I don't see it. You just hide from them. Yeah. I just want to be clear that I'm not trying to diminish people's mental health. I just always wonder, like, what's the cause of it? And I wonder how much of it is biological and how much of it is just patterns of behavior. Cause I think there's two facts.

There's obviously there's a lot of factors, but those two ones are big ones. Yeah. You know, like how much of it is just something you're born with and how much of it is, um, what you've experienced? Well, it's crazy though. You even have to, we both even have to say that now it's like, that's what stifles creativity. It doesn't necessarily stifle it. It's just that you even have to we both even have to say that now it's like that's what stifles creativity I mean, it doesn't necessarily stifle it. It's just you have to be clear, right? You know, you just have to be clear and we're clear but we're so far apart. We're just trying to learn Yeah, that's the thing It's like people are also looking for things to talk about and when you talk about it

Just like if someone on the view says something stupid, I'm gonna talk about it the amber heard trial Yeah, the amber heard Johnny Depp trial. I mean, it's so stupid. I'm going to talk about it. The Amber Heard trial. Yeah. The Amber Heard, Johnny Depp trial. I mean, it's so stupid. I'm talking about it all the time. Oh, we should probably leave it on this. Did you see that she got busted talking about having a bruise kit? Did you see that? Amber Heard?

Yeah. If she was Puerto Rican, I would be all into that. She had a tattoo on her tit. I like crazy girls. Yeah, bitch. Shit in the bed is crazy, though. That's next level crazy. That's pretty wild.

It's all pretty wild. God damn it. Shit in the bed is crazy, though. That's next level crazy. That's pretty wild. It's all pretty wild. God damn it. Who did I send it to? I have to find who I sent it to. Oh, I know who I sent it to. It's just, it's so nutty that this is being aired out in front of everybody. Is it a video? There's some video going around that's not, I just looked it up.

Apparently it's been edited. Well, when she says she found, she had a bruise kit, that's edited? All I'm saying is there's a fact check going around on Newsweek. Did she leave a bruise kit in a photo? No, no, no. It's not. She said. I know.

But she says. I'm asking. Okay, I'm not sure either. But she said bruise kit. That's why. Heard quote bruise kit comments spark conversation among TikTok users, a number of whom asserted that bruise kits are usually used to apply the appearance of bruises rather than cover them up. But she corrects herself.

It says it was edited here. What was edited? As the second Slung video comes to its conclusion, it was further edited to add her referring to her makeup palette as a bruise kit before correcting herself. Wow. Footage later cut to a breakdown of what is believed to have been the palette. So I don't know if this is what was seen.

That's one. Is that the same one I sent you? I didn't check that you sent me something yet. I think that's the same one I sent you. Hmm. And they're making, just like, a bruise kit is apparently a thing that they use in makeup to make it look like you've been bruised. It looks like it's the same.

Why would either one of them do this, though? Why even go through this public trial? Well, he's doing it because she wrote an op-ed, which turns out she didn't even write the op-ed. Someone from the ACLU says they ghost wrote the op-ed, and the op-ed was about her being a domestic abuse survivor. And so that made Johnny Depp unemployable because it made it look like Johnny Depp was beating people up.

And that's how he got fired from the Pirates of the Caribbean, that and also the fact that he lost another lawsuit in the UK. But I feel like this is even making him, even if he comes out on top, it's making him more unemployable. Because wouldn't you be like, I don't even want to deal with this guy? I don't think so. I think, if anything, it shows that there are manipulative people of both sexes. And that a person who's a good guy who happens to have a penis could get railroaded by a woman who's just completely full of shit.

And one of the things you see in cross-examination, just these stories, they don't make sense. Like, she's talking like a crazy person. And the vast majority of people that are watching do not believe her. Yeah. They do not believe her. So that's good for Johnny. That's good for Johnny. Because all these years, she's been this beautiful girl that says that Johnny, who does a lot of coke and likes to drink, was beating her up.

I'm like, well, that's what people who do a lot of coke and drink do. Yeah. But it turns out then there's recordings of her talking and admitting to beating him up. Yeah. Yeah, that's not good. And she cut the tip of his finger off. And then, you know, there's a lot. There's a lot.

Imagine Johnny Depp has to start a Patreon. He's fine. That's not the problem. The problem is he's trying to clear his name. And he's trying to do it and make a point. And it's crazy that he has to do this. I know. And it's crazy that he's willing to do this, too.

I agree with you. It's nuts. We've never seen it before. But do you know anybody that's ever been railroaded like this before this bad? Railroaded like that? Where someone pretends that they were the victim and they were really the abuser?

What happened was, I don't know about that specific thing, but my boys, I wasn't there. My boys went on a bachelor party to Nashville and one of my friends hooked up with a girl, just ran, you know, bachelor, bachelor party, ran themville and one of my friends hooked up with a girl just ran you know bachelor bachelor random in nashville right next morning doesn't you know barely knows her even you know but all consensual all good not even that drunk like they just hooked up everybody saw them the bachelor party saw this girl kindling with him and blah blah next morning wakes up cops from the police department bringing him in for rape and he was like what what and they

were like accusations this that he goes has to hire you know gets out has to hire an attorney before the court before it even gets to the trial like this man like his whole like you have to understand how much this consumed him because he did not do this. We all know he didn't do it. Even her own friends knew he didn't do it. The missing link was she was engaged and the guy found out that she fucked somebody the night before because she drunk texted or something, whatever the story was, and then went right to that. So I'm not saying that's just one specific story, but I saw he was like, dude, I'm going to like, he almost like he was, I want to say close because someone says they kill themselves. I don't know when they actually do it. But he was like in the group text being like, I can't handle this.

Like I did not do this. And then out of nowhere, her lawyers called his lawyers and was like, she's calling it off. Like we're calling it off. And just it's over. Like that. And I was like, wow. Like out of fucking nowhere that happened.. That's a random crazy fucking person and so there's no repercussions either Which is really wild so someone can make a false app accusation that completely turns your life upside down and ruins you and also has

You labeled like the people that knew the accusation maybe don't want to hire you because what if it's true And what if the woman was intimidated or paid off yeah dude i fucking bombed a corporate gig three nights ago because in the front row there was a uh uh it was mostly white rich people and there was a uh like a like a uh i think he was a gay guy black gay guy in the front row and he kept cutting me off he was like you racist motherfucker he just kept calling me racist and i was like what are you talking about i'm not i was like i'm not racist i try to do bits i was like i know i got a cop head and whatever but i'm a good guy and i kept trying to say i was like i have a bit about having a puerto rican kid i was like i got a puerto rican kid he was like just because you talk about dating

puerto rican doesn't mean you're not a white motherfucker you all kill you kill my people that's what he kept saying and nobody knows what to to do. I don't know what to do. This isn't a corporate gig? This is a corporate gig in the front fucking row. So I am bombing like you can't believe it. And then I finally said, I said, dude, the only way in 2022 I can get out of this being a white man and you being a black man is if I get on my knees and start sucking your cock, which I'm willing to do. And I thought that would get a laugh. That fucking bombed. So I finally. Oh, my God. get a laugh that fucking bomb so so i so i've i finally oh my god i wish i was there yeah so i finally say to the guy who's running the event in the middle of the show i said hey mike i said uh

did the money did you guys wire the money already to the agency or like am i getting checked of the show he goes no we wired it already put the mic in the senate said have a good night folks that's very nice of you. Now, what, did it start off good? Was it ever good? Um, no. Started off sucky. It started off, no, no, no, I wouldn't say it started off sucky. You know,

as you know, corporate gigs are hard gigs. Yeah, but isn't it amazing that someone could be confident enough that they could do that and interrupt a show and yell shit like that out at you and no they're not going to get fired for that zero well that's what i fear well even i even said to him i said i said i said anything i said just it kept getting worse and worse i said to the guy i was heckling i said because there was a head guy a boss and i was like do you work for for this

for this man he goes why can't i be a partner why do i have to be as an employee because i'm black i was like literally no i was like i'm genuinely just trying to get out of this fucking alive you know like i was like but it was like one of those and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse and nobody was laughing especially the rich white millionaires were like we can't even touch this they can't touch it they can't howl at that and i was like fucking shit and dude it was one of those things where i just left and I was like, what am I doing? The one corporate gig I did, I did a corporate gig for Steve Cohen, the owner of the Mets, who's actually a fucking great guy.

And it was like his 60th birthday party or something like that. And he like, his wife did it like as a surprise. And it's like some 60 year old billionaire doesn't want to see me doing comedy. They either want to see Seinfeld or strippers. Like they don't know who I am i have a podcast you know and they and and uh and i'm doing the show fucking bombing tommy mottola was there you know and i'm bombing and then dude first of all somebody threw a crab cake at me hit me right off the chest in the middle of the show i was like this i was standing at the edge of a table there's eight guys at a table just at a table no microphone pure daylight in the middle of the pandemic nobody said anything the guy this guy was like introducing me he was like yeah who threw a crab cake at you some fucking guy i don't know

and then it started laughing and then and then tommy mottola i got i was like oh tommy mottola i said uh i said um you know i was a big fan of your ex-wife uh mariah carey um i said i had a lot of posters up in my locker for her. He goes, I bet you have a lot of fucking pictures of cock up too. And I was like, yes. And then, you know, that got like a big laugh. And then finally, I'm like maybe 10 minutes into what was supposed to be a 30-minute set, and Steve stops me.

He goes, how about this? He goes, what did my wife tell you to do? I said 30 minutes. He goes, I'll give you twice my wife tell you to do i said 30 minutes he goes i'll give you twice the money right now to do five more minutes just do five minutes but give me your five best minutes and i will double your money right now and then i just fucking stuck in and i just i did that letterman set i may believe i was in that big fucking suit john travolta was there had his hand on my chest and and I just did that set, and he doubled the money.

Really? Yeah, right then and there. And then you got offstage. Then I got offstage. And then he became kind of like, his son was there, who's like, listened to the podcast or whatever. He's a great guy. Shout out, Josh.

They had me go to Mets game. I still go to, I'm like friends with them now, which is, they're amazing people. It's a rain delay. In the first game, the first time I saw Steve Cohen again since I bombed. It's a rain delay. Steve goes, why don't you get up on the mic and start doing comedy for Citi Field, who's sitting there in a rain delay. Angry Mets fans that were losing there just got knocked out of the playoffs. They give me a microphone in the fucking booth like the newscasters booth.

And I'm doing now. He he goes just start doing comedy like make the people laugh and i'm now i'm bombing but at least that one i couldn't hear because i'm just in a newscasters booth just eating shit so you can't even hear the laughs well no or lack of nothing but my friends thank god i have great friends like this my friends who are dire mets fans at every mets games were recording me bombing on the outside, and they graciously gave me that. Chris DiStefano, you're a funny motherfucker. Thank you for having me, my friend. I had a good time.

It was a lot of fun. I appreciate it, brother. Tell everybody where your podcast is, social media, all that stuff. So chrisdcomedy.com for everything. I got the Chrissy K.S. podcast on Tuesdays, Hey Babe with my great friend Sal Volcano every Thursday, and then patreon.com slash chrisdedy, where I feel my best content is. And I'll be in Providence in July and Brea Improv at the end of August.

And I got a bunch of dates coming up for the fall. And Speciweshi is available on Netflix. On Netflix. Self-produced. 15 minutes of it on YouTube. Will be on YouTube. And then another 10 minutes is going to come at patreon.com slash christycomedy next month. I didn't give Netflix everything, baby.

I'm trying to do this shit the new way alright bits and pieces beautiful alright that was a lot of fun thank you

bye everybody