The Joe Rogan Experience - #1834 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

Protect Our Parks 4 - Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comedians, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube. Mark is the co-host of "Tuesdays with Stories" along with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank." His most recent special, "Ari Shaffir: Double Negative," is available via Netflix.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. I might have to take a shit in the middle of this podcast. That's great. Do a nice trick. We won't trash you while you're gone. I might. Take a shit.

Are we ready? Oh, that wasn't on? That was the opening, man. That was gold. Was that, were you recording when I said that? Yeah, but I don't know what camera was on. Yeah. That's fine.

That's fine. I'm just telling, if I leave in the middle of the podcast, I'm like, oops, be right back, boys. You did it. I shard my pants in the pool yesterday. I just want to let everybody know that I, did you? Yeah. He sharded in the pool?

No, right next to it. He had a gurgler. It was like... And I just sat there. Oh, no. Yeah. Where was this? Hotel?

Yeah. In the Four Seasons? Oh, no. That's not a good place to shard. Actually, it was great. That's a respectable establishment. You get back in the pool. I did not get back in the pool.

He let it wash itself out. He gave it a quick wipe. It's a giant bidet. He gave it a quick wipe. I had that giant bidet. He gave it a quick wipe. I had that tight underwear. It kept it all in. The one thing about the sheath. The sheath underwear kept it all in.

Is this number three or four? Protect our parks. Four. Four. Gentlemen, come on. We're fucking rolling here. We're rolling here, boys. Hey, mazel tov, dickless.

Here's to problems. Because they're coming. That's strong. All right, I'm keeping track. You guys always give me shit about not drinking enough. You don't get fucked up at all on this. This is one cup of Buffalo drink. You've been partying with the Kreischer.

Yeah. Both of you have been partying with the Kreischer. He's about to go. I've done it in the past, but I'm going next week on the fully loaded. I can't wait. Your mustache seems like you're losing hair here. It's the reverse Hitler. Don't worry about it, dude.

That's how not racist I am. He howls like this. He goes down. What is going on with this? Did you do that on purpose? Don't worry about this. You're going to do it on purpose. It's very Asian. It's like an old

Asian guy. It's reparations. Fu Manchu. He should be sitting on a box peeling something. It's like John Wayne when he played Genghis Khan. Oh, that was great. That's the closest they get to Asians, so like, eh. I'll tell you what, I'm on a roll all the way to Beijing. Have you ever seen John Wayne

play Genghis Khan? They didn't even try. No. He's just a white dude. He's like, I'm Genghis Khan. Put some eye makeup on him a little. There's a couple. Andy Rooney, was it? He did the Breakfast at Tiffany's. Oh, hello.

All that shit. Oh, did he? Yeah, it was bad. They didn't use Asians, so they just had Whitey do the voice. What about the guy who played the detective, that old school detective? There was a white guy who played a Chinese detective. Do you remember that one, Jamie? What that was called?

Mickey Rooney. Wow! There he is! Oh, Mickey Rooney, not Andy. Wow! That was a best picture. Charlie Chan. Do you guys remember Charlie Chan? Charlie Chan was like in the 1950s, I think it was. There was a guy who played like the smartest detective.

And it was a white guy who played, there it is, completely white guy who they fucked with his eyes and made him look Chinese. Whoa. That's fucked up. Yeah, they used to do that. They used to do that. Where you at on the trans, you can't play a trans person now unless you're trans, which seems weird. You should get a fucking pass if you suck a dick. That's all you got to do?

Yeah. But a lot of trans women still have sex with women. That's true. And they keep their dicks. They're lesbos. Which I recommend you keep your dick. Yes. I've been paying attention to the operations.

I went down a rabbit hole because I had a guest who had a friend who had an operation and it was a disaster. They transitioned. And then she started explaining to me all the issues that happened with it, including like growing hair inside because they tuck inside and then you grow hair inside Oh boy feels good. I mean, I don't don't think so I think what infections double yeah And then she turned me on to this video of this person talking about all the infections that they get because they've had the operation

Transition the transition operation well, so they recommend like she was recommend like keep you know You could still be a woman Just keep your cock have you watched trans chick with dick porn because it's pretty great have I not watched it It's pretty good because you get the dick and two women Yeah, but then you're kind of whacking off to somebody with a dick yeah, that's it. Aren't you always? Watching the guy fucking now. I'm not watching Least gay of porn because you got exactly no no I guy fuck a girl? No, I'm not really. Unless you're watching SZA, really. It's the least gay of porn, because you got a girl. Exactly. No, no.

Same amount of tits. Fucking a girl. Same amount of tits. Out of tits. Yeah, it's double girls. Double tits. Yeah, it's double girls. I'm not judging, but then you're whacking off to a guy with a dick's tits.

I'm okay with that. That's fine. But you're not. Don't look at those. Yeah, but then what's the point of enjoying that? Look at the other tits. It nullifies the argument of, oh, two tits. But wait, what if it's a fat guy fucking a chick?

There's also double tits. It is annoying when they focus on the dude too much in a porn. That's how JonBenet died. And you're like, get off that. Go to the chick. Like, why are you showing his face when he comes? Like, ew. Oh, that's a buzzkill.

Yeah, they kind of got rid of that. They kind of got rid of that. I don't know. That's so true. What is that? Who made that. They kind of got rid of that. I don't know. That's so true. What is that? Who made that choice in the director's cut? Maybe the guy wants his time. Maybe he's like a sitcom star.

Like, I'm not getting enough screen time. Yeah. I used to watch that. It must be them. They're a production company. Oh, that's probably it. I have the best cum face. Everyone should know.

Right. Because those are the people that made all the money. It's like the people that produced it. I used to have a guy in my neighborhood. He lived right down the street from me during the golden days when they sold DVDs. This guy was balling out of control. He had a fat Mercedes, lived in a beautiful house, and he was making all this money. But then, no, no, no.

He was making his own. He was a producer. Oh, nice. But then digital came along. The internet came along and took the fucking legs out of that company Oh, yeah, that business went kaput. I mean the the the government bailed out all kinds of companies They never there was never a peep about bailing out the porn industry. Yeah interesting, you know, but

Everybody's pretending they don't use it's one is a weird thing like people pretend they don't watch it Yeah, but it's literally billions of people the biggest billions the biggest industry. They show the views now My mom doesn't really nine million every video. Yeah, 65 percenter gets eight million, and you can share porn Yeah, like look at the views on a YouTube video versus a you porn video pull them up They must be off the charts different like Unless you're watching a Justin Bieber video, which gets giant numbers. Hundreds of millions. Yeah, something like that.

But just for an average video, what are the odds? I mean, what's the difference? The difference must be gigantic. Yeah. There's no 10,000 view. Right, exactly. Yeah, there's a lot of 2,000 views. You ever get a porn and it just went up? You're like, 250 views. And as soon as you're done with it, 4-bit view. Right, exactly. Yeah, there's a lot of 2,000-bit videos. You ever get a porn and it just went up?

You're like, 250 views. And as soon as you're done with it, 4 million. Right. But how do they make money? It's all free. I don't know. And there's millions and millions of videos. Well, no, no, no.

I think porn websites probably make money by selling your data. Oh. I think when you- That's not good. Premium subscriptions and selling your data. Oh! I think when you... That's not good. Premium subscriptions and selling your data. Data is a thing that nobody saw coming, but it's one of the biggest commodities in the world. Huge.

Because they figured out a way... Like, have you ever, like, seen, like, when you use a browser, like Brave Browser or something like that, and it shows you how many people are trying to track you? Whoa. That it blocks? I've never even heard of that.

That's terrifying. Oh, my God. It's crazy. I do private browsers only now. It's a good move. Brave is my favorite. Every time you go to my kayak and try to like prices and then you go back a minute later it's like it's up because they know you just searched so like you want this trip.

And you're like come on. Also they curate your searches. We found that out during the pandemic. There's a doctor that he died right after taking the jab. And I went and I was trying to look up the story, like what his deal was. Did he have a previous heart condition? Like what happened? I could not find it on Google.

I researched the guy's name on DuckDuckGo. Instantly found it. Wow. Whoa. What does that mean? They're hiding it. They're hiding the data. Whoa.

They curate the search results. That's hiding the data. They curate the search results. That's 100% true. They curate search results. And at least when they say the first one's like, add, add, add, you're like, alright, at least you're saying the add thing so I know you're doing it. But then it's like what they'll allow to be seen first. And they do it with Lyft and Uber. You go to Lyft and you're like, oh, that's too much. Let me check Uber. And they know where you're going already. They know where you're looking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scary. Damn. I didn't know they were doing all that. Oh, they're all in cahoots. It's convenient in some ways. It's convenient in some ways. Like the ads represent the things that you're interested in. Sure. So it's like, oh, I need those shoes.

Oh, perfect. But in another way, it's like, how the fuck do you know I need those shoes? You know what I mean? But it's also like it doesn't allow you to be exposed to other kinds of shoes. Right. So you can't broaden your horizons ever.

But it's more effective for the advertiser. Yeah. You know, like if you're selling, say, like workout equipment and there's a guy who's constantly looking up CrossFit classes, that's the guy you want to sell to because he's the guy that's interested in that shit. So it's very effective for the people that are advertising. But the problem is it's like they're selling your data. They're making fucking untold billions of dollars, and they're also influencing elections, influencing policy.

They're doing all this stuff with the money that they get from your data. It's a very sneaky thing because nobody ever saw it coming. We all thought you go Google something. Oh, it's just a free way to find out what the answer to my question is. But you didn't realize. Because it used to be that way. Yeah. You didn't realize that you are actually the commodity.

You're the thing that's valuable. Yeah, apparently Johnny Depp put a lot of dough in the social media, and that helped everybody realize that Heard was a kooz. Wow. I don't think that's what happened. Oh, oh, that's what I heard. I donated. Do you feel bad for her at all? Well, she lied.

She definitely lied. Yeah, I feel bad for anybody who gets in that. It's like they're both losers out of it. How did she get drawn into that? Does she have to go to court? She's being hot? No, I mean, did she have to do that? She had to.

He sued her. He sued her for defamation. She said he hit her. She wrote an article, which turned out she didn't write the article. The ACLU wrote the article. What? Yeah. The ACLU ghost wrote the article in exchange for her donating money that she never gave them.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good. She pledged it. Pledged. Pledged. Pledge is not a promise. It's a cleaner. Did you see that woman interviewing her after the fact?

She did an interview after the court was over, and it was even worse. No, I didn't see it. It was even worse. What was the lady's name who went after her? Camille Vasquez? No, no, no. That's the lady who was the lawyer. I got a crush on her.

She's very hot. Hit me up, Camille. I can't believe you know all this shit. Offset the hotness of Amber Heard. What's that? Offset the hotness of Amber Heard. Right, that? Offset the hotness of Amber Heard. Right, by being hot and natural. Right.

And really smart. Yes. I love it. Really smart and not taking any bullshit. And we all want her to fall in love with Johnny secretly, right? I think they got a thing. So here it is. What's the lady's name?

Camille? Savannah Guthrie. Ah. So Savannah Guthrie, you know, she wouldn't let her off the hook. He looks like he's punching her right now. Seems like he is. He's about to thumb her butthole. Oh, she wouldn't let her off the hook. It looks like he's punching her right now. Seems like he's about to thumb her butthole. Oh, she's good too. Not bad.

Older chick. But it's just like I don't know what she was thinking taking this fucking interview. She wants to reclaim her. She's saying, look how wrong the justice system is. It didn't work at all. It was the worst. It made it worse. She's a good actress. In the moment. No, she's all. It was the worst. Yeah. It made it worse. She's a good actress. No.

In the moment. No, she's not. She's not. That's the problem. Crocodile tears. She's really hot, but she's not a good actress. She's just not. No. I have a saying about the Me Too movement. It's believe all women, believe no actress. I like it. Yeah. They're all just fucking...

Actress too. They're all fucking crazy. Well, there's some that are cool You know they exist you should have a grain of salt whenever they say something like Chris Pratt's cool as fuck Well, that's an actor and they're trying to destroy him Scott Eastwood cool as fuck Pratt's the man he's a great guy. I mean a great guy. I've hung out with him I've gone elk hunting with him whoa I hung out with him in Hawaii just randomly. That's probably why they're trying to get him. Ran into him in Hawaii. Yeah, he's Christian. Anything those people say publicly, though, you gotta be like,

you're involved in your image. It's like you can't trust anything. But the Christian thing, they're like, he hates gays. His religion hates but so does a lot of the Muslim stuff. So why don't you go after them? They don't like the gays and they throw the rock at the lady and

you know, there's all kinds of stuff going on. That's what you got? They hit them with rocks? I can't say that. But I'm just saying, it's like how come you don't get mad at everybody? What it just exposes, the weirdness of

woke, because it's not consistent or logical. It doesn't make any sense sometimes. It's a team. It's just a team. Well, yeah, it is. We can't pick it out. It's also people that are cowards, and they're terrified of someone coming after them, so

they want to be on the right side that's the most aggressive, and the most aggressive side is the woke side. But will it flip? It's flipping. It's flipping already. If you look at the elections, I mean there's there's places that were like historically Democrat They're going red now because people are freaked out. They're freaked out at schools. They're freaked out about the ideology They're freaked out about the workplace and prices and also like look at what happened space X

SpaceX just a bunch of employees just organized to try to They wanted to do something about Elon Musk try to get Elon Musk to step down from space. Literally something he found They tried to get him They were saying that he's damaging them by being on Twitter and they were trying to get people to sign this petition Are you crazy going after your boss publicly?

They fired the people and they said that they were bullying people to try to get them to sign a petition that they didn't want to sign Oh right Which is what they do. They scare people You should sign this And they said that they were bullying people to try to get them to sign a petition that they didn't want to sign. Oh, right. Which is what they do. They scare people. You should sign this. You should sign this.

Yeah, be on the right side of history. They thought they could push him out. You know, like what he's doing with Twitter is wrong. The people, they were doing this. They protested Louie at some comedy club, all the local comics. And then when it was over, like, don't support this club. And then afterwards, they signed up for spots at the club. And the owner was over, like, shouldn't, don't support this club. And then, and then afterwards they're like signed up for spots at the club. And the owner was like, no, you guys told people not to support my business.

Yeah. It's bullying. It is bullying. It is bullying. It's, I mean, it's the same exact kind of feeling that the person gets when they're being attacked. You just think you're justified in doing so. Right. You know, you're not trying to have a dialogue or a discussion with someone. You're

literally trying to attack their livelihood, and you're trying to do it in this really weird way. Can I tell you what I'm feeling? I'm not interested in hearing from you. Can I defend myself a little? Nope. Shut the fuck up and go away. You're a white man with a reverse Hitler mustache

drinking Bud Lights. I'm not sure what could be more woke. Reverse Hitler mustache drinking Bud Lights. I'm not sure what could be more woke. Reverse Hitler. Reverse Hitler mustache. You're going the other way. Yeah. That was Milo's best moment was when he told those girls, like, you can't talk. We're talking about women.

And then when they were like, we're talking about men right now. You need to shut up. He gave them the go away. It was like, damn. They were so mad. They shut that guy down, huh? Oh, yeah. Interesting.

Wouldn't let him speak. Wouldn't let him be anywhere. Well, I mean, now. I mean, he's like Marjorie Taylor Greene's intern. No. Who's that? Yes. That's hilarious.

Yes, she's fucking nuts. She's fucking nuts. She's out of control. She's QAnon nuts. Who is that? Alex Jones told me he was partying with her. Ha! Jesus Christ.

They all went to dinner and had drinks. Who is she? Who is she? She's wild. I believe it. She does anal. She is wild, dude. You think so?

Oh, she's a freak. Ass to mouth? Yes or no? Easily. Jewish space laser right off the pooper. What did you say? Jewish space laser? That's her thing.

She said the Jews had space lasers? What? She said that publicly, the Jews have space lasers. I got some friends that succumb to Q also. Really? No, they don't. Yeah. Really?

They believe Q. Now they're like, fuck. It is anti-pedophile, so they got that. Did you see that documentary? Oh, yeah. The HBO documentary? On QAnon? Yeah.

What is it? Into the Storm? Marjorie Taylor Greene's Space Laser and the age-old problem of blaming the Jews. Oh, my God. You never saw that? This is so... No. This was huge.

I try to stay offline as much as I can. This is sick fucking magic. Always point the finger at the Jews. Why conspiracy theorists always end up pointing the finger at Jews. Because we're dominant. Why that's a problem for the GOP. Explain this, Ari. Why are Jews so goddamn smart?

And you told me this once. Genetically. No, but there's a thing about the disproportionate amount of Jews who've won Nobel Prizes. It's really spectacular. Is that right? European Jews. Our culture values education hard. And we're just like, look, we're not great athletes.

But you've got to fire under your ass, too, because of what happened. So you've got to make hay while the sun's not holocusting. Yeah, but they were winning Nobel Prizes even before that. Fire under your ass might not be the best way to describe what happened. Yeah, I don't know, because the Sephardic Jews aren't as successful. They're not as smart. They're still pretty smart. It is interesting that every conspiracy theory does end at Jews.

I wonder why that is. The really dopey ones. I wonder why that is. Maybe because that's where you guys are, dude. Maybe you are back there. I think people get jealous. It validates. They're evil. Fucking Einstein. We stick to ourselves. We do well.

Right? I mean, think about how many European Jews. I mean, they've actually done a study on it. It's so preposterous when you look at the actual number of European Jews versus the general population of the world and the number of European Jews that have won Nobel Prizes. It's off the charts. They're killer. Nod.

Yeah. But meanwhile, the whites, the real whites, not like the whites like me, the real whites, I'm a guinea. I'm a weird white. But those whites, like the Marjorie Taylor Green whites, they always want to blame the Jews. What is that exactly? Jealousy.

I had Holtzman talking about it once. On stage, he goes, some Jewish lady was in the audience. He goes, why do people hate the Jews? She goes, I don't know. He goes, well, you think if everybody hated me, I'd ask a couple questions. That's a good point. That's true. But it's weird because you can't always tell who's a hebe.

You know, like, for you, it's obvious. You're like a cartoon character. You're crazy looking, dude. You're like an R. Crumb cartoon. If you hate Asians, you hate black people, you can spot them. With Jews, you gotta be like, what's your last name? You ever see the R. Crumb cartoon. If you hate Asians, you hate black people, you can spot them. With Jews, you've got to be like, what's your last name? You ever see the R. Crumb cartoons about Jews?

Oh, pull them up. R. Crumb. You know R. Crumb. Yeah, yeah. He did a whole thing in the Bible. Bro, R. Crumb, I watched his documentary. They did a documentary on him in like 99, 98, something like that. And I've seen it before, but I watched it again the other day.

Holy shit was his stuff nuts. He had some stuff about this family that stays together because they fuck. And in the cartoon, it's like the guy mouth-fucking his daughter. He went hard. Oh, Jesus Christ. Wait, who is this guy? R. Crumb is a cartoonist. I know, but what do I know him for?

He did Genesis, but he was already famous when he decided to do the Bible he did some big bucks Um, like what is Genesis? He's a very famous underground Comic book guy who back in the day like he dropped acid and then all of a sudden he started doing these like really weird surrealist cartoons beautiful and the women all had like giant legs and giant asses like that's his thing real yeah so a lot of women were like really happy that he did this because he made them hot right because like he was a superstar back in like the 70s yes what oh yeah he's a

really really interesting guy who would not stand he moved to France laid back like He moved to France, but if he lived today like he would last for like five minutes before he'd be canceled Look at look at how he's banging that girl and choking her. That's hot It's wild but they're always giant women and they're always importantly they would always like walk He carry them around on his back or on she would rather carry him around on her back. He's a really weird guy. Ooh, N-word. Yeah, there's a lot of that.

Really? There's a lot of it. Oh, my God. Heavy racism. He's stirring the pot. But he was mocking that racism, but if you just take it in, you know, see how he's, like, riding this girl's back? That's awesome.

That was his thing. Like, in the documentary, he actually has this big girl, and he's, like, riding her back. He's ahead of his time. He's doing thick. See if you can find... Yeah, really. He's thick with force. He's fucking doing good. See if you can find the one he did on the Jews. Because he did, like, this cartoon on the Jews, and that's what you look like, Ari.

So he was published. Like, this wasn't, like, a backdoor thing. Oh, he was huge. Really? Huge. Wow. I would whack off to that back then Sure Pre-internet I'd be whacking off to that I was jerking off to Hot for Teacher

Got it made Got it made Got it made That was a hot video I'm Hot for Teacher That was a hot video What is that? I don't know

He did one He put it up I don't know It seemed like it was the right time Hebe Holy shit Did he draw all these? Some of these aren't great Some of them he's in trouble

Some of these are pretty fucking bad See that get whitey one Over there that get whitey one Left hand side Oh yeah yeah that one too the right one See that one over there, the far right? Let's not even say anything. Let's just keep moving.

Let's shut this screen off. This is how I wanted to get started. It's too early. Coming in hot. This is our three situation. All right, all right. You're not finishing those beers. Are you really keeping up with Shane with beers?

No, I'm just drinking. I'm just drinking. Oh, you're trying to keep up with him. I'm just drinking. Atta baby. You have three beers in ten minutes. No. You're doing good in ten minutes. No. You're doing good.

You're doing good. What? Guys, can't a fucking grown adult drink? I took six weeks off drinking. I'm trying to drink. Good for you. I very admire, I very much admire your work ethic, the way you handled preparing for your special.

It was very impressive. He didn't do any boozing. I offered him weed. He said nay. He said nay to the weed. Wow. Nay to the weed. I drank some NAs while I was here in Austin.

Not alcohol. During Week at the Creek. Yeah. He got a blood dip. That's all for show. No, no. He did it. No, he did it.

I was trying to get my skin looking good for my special. It looks good. Is that what the idea was? Dude, I saw myself in a bathroom in Vail, and it was bad. That's booze. Sunk in eyes. It sits in you. Just flask it all day and drink it all night. Not sleeping. I'm like, ooh. The fat face. It's real. That's booze. Just flask it all day and drink it all night.

I'm like, ooh. The fat face, it's real with the booze. Oh yeah. Puffed up. Tell Bert. Tell Bert. Someone tell Bert. Speaking of which, can you throw me that BT? Yeah. You're getting it. There you go. Look at this kid.

Come on, I played Little League. That's a JRE special bottle. They made us a barrel. Buffalo Trace made us a barrel. Oh, nice. It actually has the logo on it. Oh, that's cool. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

So we're drinking JRE Buffalo Trace and smoking JRE Foundation Cigars. Those Foundation Cigars are the shit. They're fucking very good, right? We're taking a trip out there. We got invited to go see the farms and stuff. Oh, yeah. Me and Bobby. Nick's awesome.

What they're doing over there is really cool. And when he made me a cigar, I was very skeptical. I was like, you're making me a cigar? Oh, me too. I thought it was a novelty cigar. Yeah, but it's a damn good cigar. It's very good. I go right to him.

He knows his shit. Cigars are like wine or like anything else. The people that really, like Bobby. Really know their shit. I'm getting into cigars. I struggle with them. I don't love them. It's a fun, just chill

moment. I took Reggie Conquest at Buffalo and I was like, let's get a cigar. He's like, okay. I got him a nice smooth one and he goes, I thought this was like $200 each. I'm like, dude, it's $ dollars for a nice one. There's some great cigars No, I'm not worried about the price. I just I always I always inhale it cigars I can't wait for men and they're great for women. You can't trust Monica Lewinsky

Women want to smoke cigars and hang out with the boys. Yeah, it's a problem. Yeah I don't have any girlfriends. Oh, you don't have any girl. You don't like women That makes two of us Somebody said that once like never trust a girl who doesn't have girlfriends That's true, but very true. they get, they lose all their friends. They really don't have friends. But let's reverse that. Never trust a man who doesn't have men friends. Totally. That's way worse.

That's either a gay guy or just a pervert. Yes, he's a white knight. Because a woman can be friends with her husband or her boyfriend and just go out with her boyfriend or her husband's buddies and that seems reasonable to me. But a guy who only hangs out with his girlfriend

and his girlfriend's girlfriends? Get the fuck out of here. You don't have any guy friends? I'd excuse it if you're trying to fuck them all, but not if it's just out to your friends. If it's a long, slow game? Long game. You should have friends to go back to.

Anybody doing any long game is a male. What? I don't like it. Long game works. Sometimes you're fucking blah, long game. That's because you're a big, funny guy. You're a big, tall, funny guy. And there's a type of girl who goes for a guy like you.

Yeah, it's fat chicks. His girlfriend's very beautiful. Beautiful, cool lady. I can't believe you said that about my lady, dude. She's beautiful. He said she's beautiful. What the fuck? That's fucked up, dude.

I mean, great and bad. How do you think she found out about your stuff? Show her. Well, now I know you don't know her. Comedy, baby. She's going to be excited about that. I like how you went with the little phone. You're a fucking animal.

I need a pocket. That shit comes out of my pocket. I can't get my thumb all the way up. Oh, is that a phone mini? I love it. This is the mini. I'm jealous. The five was the best size.

That's all you need. They finally went back to it. Exactly. This thing disappears in my hand. Look at this. It's perfect. Look at how little that is. It's so perfect.

You've got a crazy gorilla monkey pox hand. You got fucked up, man. Look at that thing. You got fucked up hands. You got fucked up hands. You're gonna climb the Empire State. They don't fit most of my body. I think I didn't get enough food when I was small. Yeah, you got fucked up proportions, dude.

Can you wear gloves? For real, you look like a gorilla up on stage. Someone in my ancestor fucked a monkey. You're a silver hack. He can't help himself. He can't stop. Get the man from Ostromy Rubin. It's nonstop. He has to say a word.

He word associates and has to say it. So the other night we went out to Stubbs. Last night. Got barbecue. The waitress goes, pardon my reach, and reached over. He goes, Jack Reacher. He says it, dude. It's crazy. it dude it's crazy i don't know what else to say i got nothing else you don't have to say anything you know i guess you're right

just has to say it reach around chug that so tell me about he's already hammered so tell me about these uh fucking uh we got as many hours as we want yeah how about that good we about that? Good point. We don't have a boss. That's right. No bosses. Tell me about, we don't have any bosses. We got through life. Me and Norm were talking about it last night at the fucking pool at the fucking nice hotel.

It's crazy. This is sweet, bro. What a life. What a life. This is sweet. I had this conversation with my mom last night, because my mom was like, you work so hard. And I go, I don't though, mom. It's a trick.

Yeah. I'm like, I really don't. Everything I do, I do I love doing you got scheduling but all you guys do is show up and shoot the shit yeah but it's not hard it's a nice hotel talk my friend shit in my pants I can't believe I missed the shit I left right after I left it might have been before I was sitting there how long did you guys stay a good good hour I really bonded fuck. I missed the bonding. It was a hot bond. Hot bond.

And a hot ass. It was hot as shit out there. He was Barry Bonds. It was funny. Yeah. Barry Bonds. Saving Bonds. Barry Bonds.

He's getting in on it. Yeah, we're talking. It's fun. It's easy. Look, nobody's better off the cuff with road association than Hinchcliffe. Hinchcliffe is a fucking monster at that shit. Yeah. You'll see tonight when you guys do. You're not dealing?

No, I'm not smoking. Can I just say a great, if everyone's in a circle and you're passing weed, people are like, no thanks. Take it, hand it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to do it. Just hand it off. You don't have to make him.

You don't have to do it. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him.

You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You don't have to make him. You did it right. Yeah. It's the first weed I smoked in fucking. How long? Five weeks. What? That'll put you on the moon, too. It's the first weed I smoked in fucking... How long? Five weeks.

What? That'll put you on the moon, too. That's real. Do it. You're going to see the spots with it. And you promised you'd keep up with me on Bud Lights. What did you promise? You said it.

You saw him issue it. I heard it. He issued it. I told him I'd give him $5,000 if he did. It was basically a fatwa. And he's... Yeah. Witness.

Five grand, dude. You can do it. Is it a bet? We got a bet going, boys. You can do it. Is a bet? We got a bet going, boys. I don't have any. My reward will be him trying. I said I couldn't do it. I said if I get to half as much as him, I would die.

But you got to keep up with him tonight, too. That's where it's a problem. Yeah, you'll be ready to tap out. I'm already ready. I couldn't drink five cans of water. I don't know how we did it. That's my point. That's what this shit is.

It's water. You can drink a ton of it. I mean, don't get me wrong. If you drink a lot of it, you're going to get fucked up. What is the amount of alcohol in a Bud Light? It's low. It's like 3.5. I think it's some.

Do you like the taste? Yeah, I like it. It's fine. Yeah, it's not bad. Cold. I like it cold. Ice cold. Give me one? Yeah, I like it. It's fine. Yeah, it's not bad cold. I like it cold. Ice cold. Give me one of them. I'll drink one of them.

Yeah! It ain't no Chang. Nice. Gorilla hands. Catching that banana. You see the focus on that? Oh, yeah. Well, you didn't play sports.

You were more of a fighter. I played a little bit of baseball. And then leaving a baseball game is how I really got into martial arts. Leaving a baseball game? A fist fight? Yeah, no. A crowd fight? No, leaving Fenway Park.

And the fight broke out like usual? We were bored, and it took too long to get on the tee because everybody was leaving, so the tee was crowded. Yeah. And so me and my friend Jimmy, we were like 14. And I walked up this street and there was a karate school, a Taekwondo school. And I went up the stairs and right when I was going up the stairs, there was this guy named John Lee. Oh yeah, get it to Jamie. And he was a national champion. He was training for the World Cup. And I got to watch him prepare. I just walked in as a bystander, and I walked in at the peak of his training, at the top

of his game, national champion. I got to see what he could do. I was like, holy fuck, I want to do that. He was kicking his bag, and I remember just being flabbergasted. It was because of my love of baseball. Baseball brought me into martial arts. Isn't that wild? Yeah, yeah. The leg kick does make you want to do it. It's a good look.. Baseball brought me into martial arts. Isn't that wild? Yeah, yeah.

The leg kick does make you want to do it. That's a good look. When you hear that, the bop. When any video you post, you fucking hit in the bag, I'm like, god damn. Yeah. It's fun. No, you've never seen a leg kick until you see him kick Eleanor in the butt. She would do it, and he would go, whoo-caw.

Who? Eleanor Kerrigan. It would make this sound. That was with the foot, though. That was more of a loud noise than actual. That's pretty loud. She would just die laughing. Are you hitting this?

No, no. Eleanor is so strong. Cigar and booze. She'd grab me and do her pro wrestling shit. Remember when we went to see her pro wrestle? Were you with us? What? She wrestles?

She was a legit pro wrestler. Easy rider. Easy rider. What? Yeah, we went to Staples Center. Dude, she was great. Wow. Holy shit.

That's exciting. Her thing was like, she would be a motorcycle rider. She would crush a pool ball in her hand. That's hilarious. That's always awesome. It was so much fun. It was so much fun. Because she's hilarious.

Yeah. She's hilarious. She's cool. And like, there she is. What the fuck? Oh my God. Look at that. That's hardcore Irish Philly jeans right there, ladies and gentlemen.

Literally, jeans. Yeah, she was in jeans. It was really fun. It was really fun. Good for her. And she's fantastic on the mic, too. She was great on the mic. But we went to all see her live.

Damn, look at these lesbians. Bro, these girls go at it. Yeah, Harley's Angels. She was part of Harley's Angels. I still got my shirt. It was awesome. What? It was awesome.

Oh, kick to the face. That looked real. Good for her. these angels yeah my shirt it was what it was awesome gotten into pro wrestling Ron Funches no way Funches did a actual pro wrestling match he had a singlet on it was on TV the whole deal Ron is a giant pro wrestling fan So for him This is probably like A fucking dream come true for him Let's see Is he in this? Yeah What?

There he is No way He came out of the robe and everything I mean he was straight faced He played it up The real deal Hammed it I love blueberries

Look at him Look at him Good for Ron No he loves that shit He knows it He loves pro wrestling So for him This is a giant deal

You know Oh my god Hey Give the guy credit Give the guy credit For fucking going out there Like that He's the black pair

The black pair Who's his manager The judge What is that Looks like Paul Sherb I can't tell Oh it's not a judge It's a priest

Oh shit Look at this Facing off Dude he trained for this Yeah's not a judge. It's a priest. Oh, shit. They're squaring off. They're squaring off. Dude, he trained for this. Yeah, for sure. God damn. Oh, that's a little gimme.

A little bit of a gimme there. Joe. That's what's good right there. There you go. So I guess. Damn, he's probably so fucking tired. I always thought he was wrestling with his sexuality. He's so tired.

He's like, damn. He thought he was wrestling with his sexuality. Good for him. Ron's so tired. He's like, damn. He was wrestling with his sexuality. Good for him. Ron's the man. That's funny. That's great. Who else is in it? Well, Tony's a giant pro wrestling fan.

They actually offered Hinchcliffe a job writing for the WWE, but he didn't want to do it because he'd have to move to Connecticut. Right. That's good. He was like, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. Yeah. Also, he would have been on call.

He would have fucked with his comedy. Who's the more fun commissioner of any sports league? Forget baseball, basketball. Dana White. It's either Vince McMahon or Dana White. Vince McMahon. Both of them are right up there. Right up there.

But Dana White, he's more authentic. You know who else owns all the other leagues? He has to. It's a real sport. It's a real sport. You guys. Oh, yeah. We're good. You guys get to the top

of the league. The commissioners. Because we can't play. You guys are busy playing. We're busy running and taking profits. The Irish fucking guys. Enjoy the front lines. We're out eating popcorn and drinking. There was a lot of famous Jewish boxers in the beginning of the 20th century.

Yeah, you guys used to be tough. Before Dominicans got into it. You had to be. You were struggling. They were tough. It was Jews, and then it was a lot of Irish and Italians, and a lot of black people, and then a lot of Puerto Rican people, and then a bunch of Cubans and Mexicans and all that stuff. But in the early, early days, like the 20th century, it was a lot of Jews.

Wasn't it? I liked when they said, yeah, we were like low class. It's typically who has it worse at the time. Right, exactly. Is doing the best at boxing. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Who needs it the most?

I like the days of like when Max Schmeling fought whoever. They're like, it's not about any talent. It's like the black man could never beat the white man. It's always like that's how they're breaking it down. And he won. He won the first one. Schmeling was the Nazi boxer. Yeah.

But he was forced into that position.. Schmeling was the Nazi boxer. Yeah. But he was forced into that position. Apparently Schmeling was a nice guy. And Hitler propped him up because he was a German. And he knocked out Joe Louis in their first encounter. Yeah. And then when Joe Louis destroyed Schmeling in the rematch, it was like a giant victory for America. Wow. Schmeling salts.

Box it. Help himself. That's the crazy thing about sports. The whole country was racist, black people were gross, whatever. But watching Joe Louis fight this German motherfucker, you got behind him. They all got behind the black guy. I think Joe was standing on something. The height difference was not good.

I think, yeah, that was what the height difference was like. I think Joe was on the scale, getting weighed in. That kraut knocked him out? Yeah, he knocked him out in the first fight. Damn. It was your what? Superior race. You don't see that too often.

No. Joe was young, you know? Yeah, new. Joe Lewis had some of the most perfect technique in the history of the heavyweight division. It looks like Jim Carrey there. The way he would throw a right hand, no telegraphing it at all. He would just shoot it. So just play the rematch.

That's pretty cool. We don't want to see their buddies when they're old there. That's pretty nice. Oh, there he is with Hitler. Whoa. Holy shit. His favorite boxer. Hey, there he is with Adolf Hitler.

Isn't that crazy? Wow. Look how crazy that is. Wow. You got to win or they'll kill you. Damn. You guys to win or they'll kill you. You guys ever see the video of Hitler at the 36 Olympics tweaking on meth? No.

It's amazing. Pull it up. He's just sitting there like rocking back and forth, like barely keep it together. He's just flying. He's like, God damn it. He's gacked out of his, and notorious meth user. Shit, they all were. What? Yeah, yeah.

That was like my favorite Bill Burr. You didn't know that? No. That was my favorite Burr bit. All I knew was he had to shut his chest shut off. He had a bit about Hitler? Burr had a bit about Hitler, and then he's like, can you imagine getting in a limo with an even angrier Hitler after that race?

Right. Like after he sat there and watched Owens fucking torch him. Oh. He like puts down his foam finger, and he's like, it's right there. Look at him there, tweaking.'t that wow damn there's no one knew you had to hide it then they're like I don't even know what was going on they thought he was just really pumped up he's pumped up for the Olympics it's like Robin Williams before a gig look how crazy oh yeah he did a lot Is that why there were researchers to make it like a perfect soldier?

Yes. Like get them all methed up? They realized that when people are on meth, they're fearless. They have crazy energy. You probably know the story of Hitler confronting Mussolini. Mussolini wanted to get out of the war. And Hitler was like, apparently he was so fatigued that he was at the point of exhaustion. And they shot him up with testosterone and meth.

And then he went straight to Mussolini and talked his fucking ear off for like five hours. We're going to start a bar. He's like, yeah. I love you. Mussolini's. Mussolini's. It sounds good.

We're going to do it. Fuck yeah. It's a pizza shop. I got the idea. I made a blueprint. I love that. And Mussolini was all in. He's like, oh, okay.

Wasn't it? I think that was like Hitler's best friend. I think love that. And Mussolini was all in. He's like, oh, okay. Wasn't it? I think that was like Hitler's best friend. I think he was like, Mussolini is the man. You're charming on Coke. I could be wrong. Well, I think it was just, he just beat him to death with his voice. I think that was the story. I don't know what he's saying because I don't speak German, but when you listen to him talk,

when he's addressing those giant crowds, like, who was a better orator? Amazing. Trump. Like, in terms of, but not even maybe. Reagan, Trump. But it's like, you can't do that kind anymore. No, this is what I'm saying. Oh, like.

You can't do that. Oh, my God. Angry. You can't. No one will allow that anymore. Mussolini was nice. El Duce, you ever see? It's okay.

He would talk, and then he would stop and go. Oh, let's see Mussolini then. Oh, pull him up. I've never watched. I see. I think Hitler would stop and go Oh let's see Mussolini Oh pull him up I've never watched I see I think Hitler's probably better So we'll watch Mussolini first Hitler is

And Hitler would be the closest You know who else is the best? Fucking Churchill dude Oh yeah Churchill ruled Yeah Before we bring it up Churchill

They had to bring him out Of the fucking He was just drinking whiskey He was a fucking loser They literally have a cigar Named after him Churchill They brought him out of the bullpen.

They were like, you're the only dude in England that can talk shit at this level. Really? It's incredible, dude. How was Mao? Was Mao any good? He was good. He drank a lot. He drank a lot.

But he would go hard. He looked like he would go hard. He had a schedule. Oh, yeah. A drinking schedule? It's like a, not Hunter S. Thompson type, but it's that type of thing where it's like, morning whiskey, I'll type something fucking after, like 9 a.m. whiskey. Yep.

It's crazy. You know who else does that? Cigar, whiskey. Queen Elizabeth. She has like a gin and tonic, then a gimlet, and then a- It's working out. Like Four Loko or whatever, but she has a schedule with booze. She's dead.

Well, when you're that old. She didn't though. Early on. Oh, yeah. She survived. You think it's a prop? Replaced her? Duncan thinks that the Biden that fell off the bike yesterday was a fake Biden.

That's a fucking young man, dude. No. You think it's a body double? Did you see his fucking body? Pull it up. Let's see it. Biden's got a nice bod. Yeah, Biden has nice legs.

He has nice legs. Don't hate. I think you're hating. I couldn't have been happier to watch that guy fall off that fucking bike. That's how high gas prices are. I'll be honest. He is the gift that keeps giving. If you're not a Biden fan.

I haven't seen it yet. Let's see it. It's fun. Wait, you haven't seen this? That's him. Holy shit, dude. I think that's him, dude. Watch the video of him falling.

Yeah, it's definitely him. It's the video of him falling. Oh. He looks pretty toned. It's so sad. He says, I'm good. Wait, he's already wearing. He's not wearing knee pads. I think above it is the video. That'sed. It's so sad. He says I'm good. Wait, he's already wearing, he's not wearing knee pads.

I think above it is the video. That's it. It's so sad. Should have had a knee pad. I hope it's just a wobble. He didn't have any knee pads. No, he goes down hard. Can I see? What's a wobble start? No, no wobble dude. He's got good legs. What does he hit, grass? Beautiful. That's why I'm kind of amazed that he falls down so much because if you look at his legs They look pretty sturdy. So he gets there. Oh, that'll fuck you up. No, we didn't see it. Fake.

Oh, fake. He couldn't stop. Every time you fell, that many people would help you up. No, no, there's plenty of other videos. Look at that guy smiling because he got it. That guy was so happy. You see the excitement in his thumbs? Yeah, he's going to get promoted. I mean, no matter, if you see somebody fall off a bike, you're happy.

Yeah. Come on. But when they're that old, it becomes really funny. Like, if a 20-year-old guy falls like that, it's not as funny as a 79-year-old guy falling like that. The president. The president coming up and being like, hey, everybody. Who falls more than him? Because it used to be they used to joke around about Gerald Ford being clumsy.

That's right. That was the last guy that they talked about being a klutz. What do you mean that's right? He fell a lot. That was like his thing. Gerald Ford? Yeah. He would fall walking up the Air Force One stairs.

You don't know? That's great. No. You didn't know that? Yeah. Well, here he goes. Stupid ass. There he goes.

He's down. Oh, he couldn't stop. He was stopped. What was that? Well, his foot got stuck in the little fucking pedal thing, and he thought he was going to lean his weight on his right leg, but he had already tried to get his foot out of the pedal thing, and he already committed to going down. He shook it off.

It's hilarious. He's talking to kids now. I'm fine. By the way, he got up well, too. That's a hard fall. I think he's talking to a young'un. He's all right. He does love the young'uns.

He does love them. You can smell them. Is that Bob Saget behind him? Bob's dead. Shut up. It's funny. Before, he was like, did he? Bob's dead. Shut up. It's funny. Before, it was like, did he get assassinated? Oh, no.

It's Biden. He just took a spill. Yeah, Biden. It's such a... That'd be so funny to be like the PR people on that and be like, we're going to get you. You're going to be riding a bike. Everybody's saying you're not spry. Right.

Here we go. Speaking of assassinating... Damn it, I'm fired. Speaking of assassinating, you know, Hinkley just got out of jail. He's doing shows. Hinkley's the goat, dude. Well, he's doing shows, but the first venue that had him in Brooklyn, they canceled. Because they were getting so many death threats.

I had tickets. Who, old people? I would see Hinkley. It'd be hilarious. He's a good musician. His songs are pretty solid. Wait, what? Yeah, pull him up.

All right, pull him up. He had a lot of time. Yeah, yeah. He had a lot of time to work on his songs. No, Hinkley's good at singing? It's solid, yeah. It's like singer-songwriter type stuff. You're not thinking about Manson?

No, no, no. Marilyn? No, Manson has good songs. Here we go, here we go. Oh, really? Here we go. Let's get some. Let's get some John Higley.

You're doing great. He looks like Favre from Super Troopers. Yeah. No way. He's been in jail for 40 years. For real? The song is called The Places I Have Been. No way. It's available on Spotify. You've been in jail for 40 years. For real. The Places I Have Been.

The shower. The mess hall. I have on the streaming site, so check them out. All right, dude. No lead up. Yes. Here we go. Get to it.

All right, dude. Let me hear what you've got. Cut to it. He's still on Spotify. You're in my dreams most every night. Oh. Cut to it. He's still on Spotify. Bob Dylan. Yeah, he's got a lot of Bob Dylan influence. You can drug test his eyes.

Yeah, dude. I guess that MKUltra worked. They got him. Do you think that's what they did? What is that? Do you think he was like one of the Manchurian candidates? That song sucks. You know what's crazy?

That song is fucking crazy. I've never heard it in my life. Maybe there's a better one. Can we get along? He's got a song called Can't We Get Along. Oh, please. You and I are free. Play it. Hello, everybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get to the middle of it. Shout out to J Play it. Hello, everybody. Shout out to Jodie Foster. What up? Jodie, I'm still here for you. I don't believe in lesbians. This is terrible. Play the best Charles Manson song. They refunded my tickets. Oh, God. Who's that?

John Caparulo. Yes. A little bit. He's got the jam, so for real. I'm telling you, this is solid. This is good folk. Now that you know Tinkley, it's funny. Yeah, it's not good.

And he's going to get laid. There's a woman who's into every, it's not good. And he's going to get laid. There's a woman who's into every kind of guy, and he's going to get laid. The kind of guy who has the balls to shoot at Reagan and hit him. I'd fuck him. And outlive him. Yeah. How many years did he get?

41. That's not bad. Look at your game, girl. Look at your game, girl. I ate your garbage, man. There's not bad. How did they decide on that? Okay, look at your game, girl. Look at your game, girl! I ate your garbage, man! Oh, shit. There's a time... Yeah, he rules.

He rules. Free swastika. Well, you know the whole story behind Manson. Manson actually thought he was going to get a recording deal with Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys. They became tight. I believe it's Brian Wilson. Yeah, he was tight.

He's nutty. There was like... He knew music producers. They think it had something to do. I forget the details, but it had something to do with one of the murders. He was threatening people. They were like, hey, man. I know it's pre-cancel culture, but you can't be murdering a bunch of people. This is not bad.

This is not that bad. Let me hear more. Listen. Three million. living in that confusion frustration and doubt can't hear me without Three million. Half the Holocaust. Allegedly. Allegedly.

It's good. This is good 60s music. That's not bad. It's very 60s. Listen to the whole album. It's great. I recommend it. Okay, that's a wrap. I It's not bad It's very 60s Listen to the whole album It's great I recommend it Okay

That's a wrap I'll Spotify now That's a wrap That's not that good either When you hear about the MKUltra shit It's wild Did you ever read Chaos? I don't know enough about it

No I haven't You gotta read Chaos By Tom O'Neill He's actually Fitzsimmons' Greg Fitzsimmons' Next door neighbor For like 20 fucking years It's a crazy story Fitzsimmons is the one That told for like 20 fucking years. It's a crazy story.

Fitzsimmons is the one who told me about the guy. He said, hey, I got this neighbor. He's been working on this Charles Manson book for 20 fucking years. It's been his obsession. It's ruined his life. He had to give money back to publishers because he didn't finish the book because he developed so much material because he got into it from the perspective of like it was an anniversary

thing, the anniversary of the murders, and he was writing this book. It's called Chaos. I can't recommend it enough. It's a fucking fantastic book. And so as he's writing the book, he realizes like, oh my God, the whole story... It was originally an article and they turned it into a book, but he's like the whole story of Manson's wrong. So what's really about is the CIA giving LSD to hippies.

And he was one of the guys they experimented with. It was all part of the MKUltra experiments. I didn't know that. One hundred percent there was some fuckery involved in Manson because he kept getting out of jail easy. And the sheriffs would all say the same thing. This is above my pay grade. They had to let him out. So he was involved in murders.

He was involved in robbery. He was involved in robbery. All kinds of crazy shit. They let him out of jail. And they were just giving him acid? Not only did they give him acid, they taught him how to use acid to manipulate people and convince them to commit murders. Wow. The CIA trained

Charles Manson, I think, allegedly. Maybe not. Maybe somebody who was a rogue agent in the CIA. This is not official government policy. They would never allow this. They're going to get you. Somebody did it. They're going to get you.

You think so? I'm going to try. Fuck, it's out. It's out. Fuck. They took that out. No, we're going to keep that in because the book is amazing. I think it's the old CIA.

I think the CIA back then in the 60s was during that MKUltra period, there were different animals. Joe, how about Whitey Bulger? Oh, yeah. Bro, Whitey Bulger? That's FBI, though. That's FBI. No, no, no. He was MKUltra'd. Really? He was MKUltra'd. What does that mean? Didn't he have a deal with them? He was in Alcatraz

and they were like, hey, this is for schizophrenia. We're testing this drug. We'll lessen your time if you do this. Oh, I didn't know that. He did. Oh, my God. A juror who helped convict crime boss Whitey Bulger feels guilty after learning he was in MKUltra. Holy shit.

Whitey Bulger wrote to a juror who convinced him that he would be dosed with LSD, monitored by a physician, and repeatedly asked leading questions like, would you ever kill anyone? No way. Over 50 times. Wow. You know who else? High doses.

You know who else? What? Ted Kaczynski. What? Ah, smart guy. Ted Kaczynski was a part of the LSD studies at Harvard. We gotta shut it down. They're gonna kill us.

They tortured him. They did all kinds of wild shit to him and fucked with his head. And he was an already broken man. Yeah. There's a great documentary on Netflix about him. They did all kinds of wild shit to him and fucked with his head. And he was an already broken man. There's a great documentary on Netflix about him. About Ruby Rose and all that. Well, the Kaczynski one, it's all about the Unabomber. But it's like how fucked up his childhood was. He had some kind of weird disease when he was a baby.

And so they put him in this hospital where they didn't touch him at all for months. Wow! What? That's Nazi shit. Didn't touch him. They didn't touch him at all for months. Wow. What? That's Nazi shit. Didn't touch him. They didn't touch him at all because he had this, the parents weren't allowed to visit him. Oh.

No. It wasn't like the CIA. Oh, I thought that was an experiment. His development. No, no. They experimented on him later with LSD, but this was just a fact that he was just sick and they took him to this hospital to take care of him. And when they did, they didn't allow his parents to visit him and no one handled him.

So when he was a little fucking baby, no one to take care of him. And when they did, they didn't allow his parents to visit him and no one handled him. So when he was a little fucking baby, no one was taking care of him. All the emotional attachment to people, they literally created a sociopath. Yeah. Because his brother is the one who turned him in. His brother's a normal guy. Yo, that's what we did at Big J. We're MKUltra. True.

No, you MKUltra'd him. By the way, you ever see what happened to that cop at Oklahoma City? No. The shooter? No, this big fucking black dude that was he was like the first cop on the scene. Boy, did they suicide that guy. What are you talking about? There's a cop

that was like first on the scene at Oklahoma City that like they Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they they said it was a suicide. Yeah. Terrence Yeekey... Don't look into that. Don't look into that dude's autopsy.

...was a sergeant in the Oklahoma City Police Department who was one of the first responders at the site of the Oklahoma City bombing, rescuing at least four people. He died a year after his rescue service. Yeekey was found to have committed suicide. They found him. Oh, shit. Dude, why not believe it? Look up his autopsy if you can, suicide. They found him. Why? Dude. Why not believe it? Look up his autopsy if you can, John.

It's wild. What do you think? A year later, he was talking? Well, just find an article that says he, and don't find any that refutes it, please. So he was at the bombing, and then- He saw what really happened. Apparently, the first thing he said to his wife was like, they're not telling the story at all of what happened. and then he got fucking well

you know there was a way to hear from the talk yeah allegedly removed from that building and the the when you look at the way the building blew up this is like one of the granddaddies of conspiracy theories is the Oklahoma City bombing that there's more to the story because if you look at the building itself what is what does it say there Jamie wait to the story. Because if you look at the building itself, what does it say there, Jamie? I'm going to wait until you finish that. Okay. When you look at the building itself, they said it was a fertilizer bomb, which they do make.

They're real. And they parked this truck at the base of the building and blew it up. But if you look at the building, the building's blown outward. Whoa. Like, it's blown out. Now, I'm obviously not a fucking bomb expert, but I talked to one. You should see your act. He can't stop himself.

Keep going. I need some levity. It did need levity. If you look at the images of the building, if you look at the images of... I'm not a bomb expert. You're an animal. You're a fucking animal. You can't be stopped.

Jack Ranger. But I'm interested in the story I want to hear this Look how it's blown out Now imagine a truck At the base of the building Causing all that damage And the way it's blown outward Now it might be how a bomb would

If you had a fertilizer bomb at the bottom of the building. But what this guy was explaining to me, and again, I don't even remember his fucking name. But the guy was telling me, he was like, fertilizer bombs aren't that strong. They're strong. They can kill a lot of people. He goes, but they don't do that kind of damage to a structure. This was his perspective. He felt like there was more to the story.

I think there was stuff in there. I forget what it was. He felt like there was more to the story. I think there was stuff in there. I forget what it was. Well, let's have Google bombs. Google bombs were removed from Oklahoma City building. Add juice to that. Because there was a story.

You don't want to see that autopsy. No, there was a story. We'll get to that, too. We'll get to the autopsy. But there was a story in the news and on TV about they removed several bombs. This is people that were at the scene right after it happened. So before all the propaganda got into place, allegedly, tinfoil hat securely fastened, they had these guys saying that they were on television removing bombs from the building.

The unexploded bombs. The news does fuck up. Every now and then. But why would they not cover that? No, but they might have fucked up there. That might not be true. No, but it happens a lot, especially with a school shooting or something where they're like, we've heard there's a second shooter that was apprehended.

And then the conspiracy people latch onto that. Exactly. They said that. Exactly. But it's like, it was some fucking local fucking fox. Well, that was a big thing with the 9-11 thing with Tower 7. The way Tower 7 went down. What's Tower 7?

All I hear about is that for 20 years. I'll be honest. What you guys did to Tower 7 was a little out of pocket. You guys were in the building. That was brazen. We could have, and we did. I thought there were two towers. That was brazen.

Tower 7 is a building that was near the Twin Towers, and it went down. It looks like a controlled demolition. What? But if you look at the long version of the video, it's different. See, the long version of the video, you see that it collapses in the center before it all collapses all around it. The way they do a controlled demolition is they hit these bombs and they go off in order on all these floors. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And the building pancakes down. Like casinos. What happened with September 11, when you look at the way Tower 7 falls, it falls just like in controlled demolition. But the inside of it collapses first because there was these crazy fires inside the building and it destroyed the structure from the inside. Because there was diesel tanks in the basement apparently. So what was that? How did those go off? It wasn't a go off.

It was everything started collapsing. And when the top levels collapse, everything just goes down. And the structure just fell apart. But it all fell apart at the same time. From what? Like, why did the first explosion happen? All right, stop playing dumb. Again.

You did it, you motherfucker. Your uncle was there. I'm neither a bomb expert or a structure expert. I don't know how to make structures. What did the Tower 7 people say? What's their excuse? Why did that one go down? Why was it hit by a plane? I'm telling you bomb expert or a structure expert. I don't know how to make structures. What did the Tower 7 people say? What's their excuse? Why did that one go down when it wasn't hit by a plane? I'm telling you the official story.

The official story is there was a lot of damage to the building, and then there was fires in the basement. From what? There was diesel from the fucking two giant buildings falling right next to it. Oh. For being not so shocked. A plane hit buildings. But they didn't hit this plane.

So they would have shooked and now- Two eyewitnesses inside the Murrah building att attested they observed the bomb squad personnel remove undet... Okay, now we're back to Oklahoma City. You gotta see this fucking autopsy. Jamie, you're fucking with my timeline. It's okay. But here it goes. Two eyewitnesses inside the Murrah building who attested they observed bomb squad personnel removing undetonated explosive devices from the building after the initial blast.

But here's the thing. If you're an eyewitness, and this is a problem, whenever anything happens, it's fucked. And this is what I was saying about September 11 with Tower 7. Whenever anything happens, it's fucked. Everybody's memory is a mess. True. It's a mess. You have no idea what's going on.

If you've seen a bunch of people die in a building collapsed, you hear explosions, you think that a guy fleeing his deli is a terrorist it's like no one knows exactly what they're feeling because it's such a novel event it's such an unusual event that never occurs that you're all of your senses are on fire and you're terrified and you're you're also shocked and your memories aren't good yeah you can't trust them it's one of the worst times. That's the problem with eyewitnesses after someone gets assaulted. No, Jamie, it's important. You read it. You're like,

you need to read this. So here is this. This is the guy who was the first responder on the scene. What was his name again? Yiki. This is Yiki. He ran back and forth into that concrete mass of bricks and mortar all day long, continued beyond exhaustion far into the night.

He scraped and crawled and dug until his fingers bled and then kept digging some more. On a cadre of heroes that day, Terry's performance was outstanding. On May 11th, the following year, he was scheduled to receive the Medal of Valor from the Oklahoma City Police Department. He never got it. He was murdered. Okay, why are they saying murdered? They City Police Department. He never got it. He was murdered. Okay, why are they saying murdered? They said suicide.

Wait till you read this. It's all different. The official report said suicide, in quotes, and anyone who believes an ANFO bomb destroyed Murrah. I don't know what that means. Fertilizer, I guess. Bomb destroyed Murrah and the other surrounding buildings will believe this. According to the report, Terry slashed himself 11 times on both forearms before cutting his own throat twice near the jugular vein. Then, apparently seeking even more private place to die,

he crawled another mile of rough terrain away from his car and climbed a fence before shooting himself in the head with a small caliber revolver. What appeared to be rope burns on his neck, handcuffed bruises to his wrists, and muddy grass embedded in his slash runes strongly indicated that he has some sort of help in traversing this fire distance. Was that corroborated or is this a Tripoli site? This is like one of those, I mean.

A Tripoli site. This is the original Jesse Smollett. What a suicide. Bro, it's RifleWarrior.com. It's the most prestigious establishment on the internet... A Tripoli site. This is the original Jesse Smollett. What is suicide? Bro, it's riflewarrior.com. It's the most prestigious establishment on the internet. Oh, you don't check Rifle Warrior? Bro, Rifle Warrior is the shit. Good call.

You don't check Rifle Warrior? Let's go full on, yeah. Bro, this... It's fair. What do they have to get? Look at this. The bullet's entrance wound was in the right temple above the eye. It went through the policeman's head and exited in the area of the left cheek near the bottom of the

earlobe. The trajectory was 40 to 45 degrees angle above his head. There were no powder burns. No weapon was ever reported as found at the scene, but independent investigation speculated that Yiki shot himself with a standard police issue Glock

9mm or.357 Magnum. His head would have been far more destroyed than it apparently was. Oh, if he shot him with that. So he didn't shoot him with that. So they think they might have shot him with a.22, which makes sense. The mob. I don't know what that means at all. Look at this, though.

Hold on a second. Look at this. Although a yeeky incident occurred some 30 miles away in a different jurisdiction, Look at this. Although a yeeky incident occurred some 30 miles away in a different jurisdiction, the investigation was quickly taken over, taken out of the hands of the El Reno police and the Canadian County Sheriff and turned over to the Oklahoma City Police Department and the FBI. No homicide investigation was ever conducted and there was no autopsy. Well, then what the fuck did we just look at?

That's what I was just going to say. I was like, how did they get this then? But maybe they did one after the fact. They, of course, did an autopsy. Yeah. The police maybe didn't do no autopsy. Well, then what the fuck did we just look at? That's what I was just going to say. I was like, how did they get this then? But maybe they did one after the fact. Of course they did an autopsy. Yeah. The police maybe didn't do an autopsy. Yeah, what does that mean? How did they not do an autopsy?

I don't know anything. Jews don't do autopsies. They don't? Something's up. Nope. What do you do when someone dies? You bury them. You go, oh, God.

Is that how you kill your business partner? Exactly. You do an autopsy for criminal shit. What happens? You touch dairy and meat? Something like that? You gotta bury the plate. Or just implode? Yeah. Yeekies are good shoes. I got some of those. Yeezys?

Oh, thank you. Where'd you get those shorts, bro? These are chubbies. They send me free shit. These are Jurassic Park. Dinosaurs. It works for them. Kind of fresh. It works for them. I got decent thighs. Dinosaurs and leaves. Oh, yeah. Thank you, for him. I got decent thighs. Dinosaurs and leaves. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Chubbs.

I'll take anything free you send me, I'll wear it. Don't say that. I'm going to get everything. Bring on the, you know, BLM, FUBU, I'll wear it. Remember FUBU? I do remember. For us, bias. It was big.

Where'd it go? It's not popular. Probably you guys took it. Yeah, we probably invested in it. There's some shit that gets so big that it Ed Hardy's out. Right. Right? It gets so big, it's cool to hate.

Like Dane Cook. It's on Dutchess. Yeah, Affliction was big. That's exactly what happened to Dane Cook. Yeah. It's true. Too big. Everybody cool in them is like, I don't know.

Some other things. We'll leave it there some other things he's around where's the popularity weighing though on a thing it just goes to like wow what's it like i think it over it's like it's overexposure yeah once you see once you see people you fucking hate wearing it you're like oh this sucks well when a thing is so blatantly trendy yeah like you remember the fucking trucker hats? What was that company? Von Dutch. Yes, Von Dutch.

Huge. Remember that? They were gigantic. You weren't anybody if you didn't have a fucking Von Dutch hat on. You had to have that trucker hat on

and go to that premiere and you looked like a fucking superhero. It looked cool. They tapped into what people thought was cool for a minute. Yeah.

What was that? Remember Juicy on the Ass was big? All that shit. That was the beginning of the fat asses. That was a good time remember Juicy on the Ass was big. All that shit. That was a nice beginning of the fat asses. That was a good time. Juicy on the Ass was pretty fun. I'm fine with that. Instrumental. Yeah. It was instrumental because I, you know,

coming from a guy with a flat ass, a Hank Hill. Same. I could never wear a Juicy. No. Well, guys aren't wearing them. Girls are wearing them. I know, but I'm thinking about the girls with the Hank Hills. Remember when you would see a guy out with a Juicy? And you're like, what are you doing? Or the rhinestones or the weird jeans.

I don't think I ever saw a guy with a Juicy. We've seen them. Yeah? Yeah. They're like Vegas nice. Some people are like, I'll do it too. And it's like, fuck off. Well, that's pretty funny.

Guys give it a shot. They're not doing it ironically. It's funny to wear it. It's funny to wear it. You should get some Juicy shorts. If I start wearing Juicy shorts. That would be a style change. Fat butt.

Here's a question. Are guys still sagging? What's sagging? Sagging their pants? Yeah. No. Yeah, for sure. I've seen that.

Only the reels. The reels. Because a lot of white guys were trying to pull it off, and it was... I did it. Only the reels. No. I grew up in a tough black neighborhood, and I sag sagged and all these white guys would give me shit he's gonna post that on Instagram

what happens if you don't sag? you just wanted to fit in I feel like back in the day it was all about fitting in not standing out and now it's all about standing out now you gotta be different but standing out is fitting in as well you're becoming typically unique I just wanted to get by and not get yelled at.

Giannis has that great bit. He's like, if I walk down the street and a bunch of guys called me a fag, he's like, I got off easy. But now that's like the biggest problem in the planet. That's a good bit. So true. So true. Yeah, that's it? You're just going to yell out an insult?

Yeah, I got off easy. Do I have to go to the hospital? Right, right. But isn't it amazing how fads change a body insult? Yeah. I got off easy. I don't have to go to the hospital? Right, right. But isn't it amazing how fads change a body type? Yeah. Like, you look at Paris Hilton in 2005. Bone thin. Bone thin, no ass.

Just flat, and now you gotta have an ass. That was for the ladies, though, because Kim Kardashian blew up bigger than her, and she had that big ass. Yeah. That's for the men. Totally. But now it's for the ladies, too.

Now I think they understand. It's like the grade. Totally. But now it's for the ladies, too. Now I think they understand. It's like the grade has shifted. Yes. No one knew that people liked big asses until, who was it? Was it J-Lo? Black guys. Who brought it in? Not Rex and Rex.

They brought it in. Baby got back. Yeah. That was for sure a part of it. But it's like, for a long time, women in the 70s, they didn't have asses. No one cared. It just started one day. No one cared. in the 70s, they didn't have asses. No one cared. In the fucking 90s. No one cared.

In the 90s. Go watch a movie. Actually, watch a movie. What was her name? Jessica Simpson. Yeah. Remember? She was the hottest lady.

She did that fucking zero ass. Wow. It's all tits. Dude, I just watched Jessica Simpson's fucking Dukes of Hazzard music video. She killed it. It's not as hot as you think. Really? She had a Dukes of Hazzard music video. It's not as hot as you think. Really? She had a Dukes of Hazzard music video?

She was Daisy Duke. What? In the remake. Oh, Jesus. I jerked off to that. Well, that's pretty nice. Shut up, dude. Hold on.

Wait a minute. That's not good enough for you, Shane? Guys? How many beers have you had? Dang gum it. Dang gum it. What the fuck are you saying? Go back.

We're talking Dukes of Hazzard. Her sister's hot, too, by the way, I'm sure Remember that moment when the fucking lip sync No, I was watching it live. Oh, and everyone's gonna what this whole thing is fake. Oh, yeah I can't believe a music engineer did that on purpose. No way Good troll what a great move that would be nice Good troll. What a great move that would be. That'd be nice. Fuck this bitch.

Just expose. She'd be like, you know this person sucks. The industry. Maybe you're really an Elvis Costello fan or something. Or she was a cunt to him or something. And then he's like, right. I'm just going to ruin it. I don't know.

Hold on. You'll see. You don't think she's hot, right? No, I think she's incredible. He's saying no ass. He's saying no ass. Wait until you see the group and the dancers with her. That's not good enough for you.

I get it, Shane. Willie Nelson's there. Oh, dude, that's not good enough for you? See, no ass. Wow, she's so fucking hot. Oh my goodness, boys. Very hot. Shane's not impressed.

That don't impress me much. He likes it. I love Shania Twain. Yo, Jamie. You don't like that? My dog, dude. That's not good enough for you? No watch the girls with her

No but Also no one has an ass Just watch It's crazy to think that back then They're like I gotta get rid of my big ass Well they didn't have big asses Like some preposterous asses today See it's not like today

No asses Even the black chick Thank you Thank you Wow It's crazy Oh don't you guys feel differently Than you did 20 seconds ago?

I'm with you. Hey, turns out Shane might have been right. Shane's right. Fun fact. This shot in Baton Rouge when I was at LSU, and Johnny Knoxville would go to the bar every night. I don't know if I should be saying this, but he would go to the bar every night and clean up.

And he had chlamydia. Don't tell anybody. Everybody in Baton Rouge got chlamydia because he just ran it through. Wow. Good times. Is that one of those things you can't get twice? Oh, you can get it twice. You can chug on it. It's not like a chicken pox

party. That was the original COVID thing. Like, no, trust me. Not one of those girls ever saw the bottom of a squat rack. Not one of them. None of them were underneath the squat rack. Girls today are different. They're different. And it's not that long ago. They all have them. None of them were underneath the squat rack. No. Girls today are different. They're different. And it's not that long ago.

Yeah. It's great. They all have muscles. It's not that long ago. I like the muscle. A little bit. I like it. A little bit of muscle. I remember when I was in Philly,

I lived near Drexel, and Matt had a fucking pass to go into Drexel's gym, and I would go in there and see there's young Asians working on their asses. Yeah. And I tried to warn the populace.

I said, there's a wave of thick Asians headed our way. And I don't think we're built for it, dude. Charlie's coming. I don't think we're going to be able to survive this. Because I'll strangle my girlfriend to death. I went to China, and Asians will just squat to sit. That's how they relax. They just squat and shit.

They go down there like, as long as I'm down here. But you see a guy just smoking, squatting on the sidewalk like this. Yeah, yeah. Full squat. Yeah. Comfortable. Can you squat lower than that comfortable? No. How low do you get comfortable? They're hot. Can you do that? Is that comfortable? That's not bad.

That's not bad? Give me five minutes. That's like a general mobility test. Whether or not you can go ass to grass. When you can sit ass to heels on the ground. Oh, fuck no. That's hot. You can't do that? No, my knees would be banged up.

You, uh, when you're pushing the sled out there, it looks like your knees are all right. They're all right. I'm working on it. Can you do it? Yeah, sure. Oh, shit. Ari's built like, yeah. Well, Ari has long ass.

You're built like gollum. If you lean your knees forward, you're fine. No Ari has long ass... Your leg's a little forward. You're built like Gollum. Lean your knees forward. You're fine. No matter how weak your knees are, just go further and further forward. No, but some people, they just don't have the range of motion in their knees. You're built like Gollum, dude. You look like Gollum.

Yeah. This is every fucking Chinese person. Good car. That's not everyone. Why do they do that with their shirt? That's a thing? They roll their shirt up? Chinese bikini. They do that? Yeah, Chinese bikini.'s a thing? They roll their shirt up? Chinese bikini.

They do that? Yeah, Chinese bikini. So in China, they roll their shirts up? Yeah, the bros do. I wasn't just making that up. The bros do. The dudes do, and it's not gay at all. Fat dudes.

That's just a thing? Fat dudes will walk around like that. I was taking my shirt off day one. No, no, dude. Chinese bikini. I can see your C-section scar. Chinese bikini? scar.

Chinese bikini? That sounds like a sex move, a Chinese bikini. How many of your stories did you put on specials from China? Did you put any of those stories on specials? I did the Shit Scott story on This Is Not Happening. I did... Who could forget?

What? What are you talking about? Right when I got back, I was not here. We were just riffing, talking about it. Yeah. You have some amazing shit stories in China. Really? Shitting into holes.

That guy made a video of it, a cartoon of it. Oh, Polytune. Yeah. He's good. Polytune's awesome. Love that guy. Love that guy. He was like, how are the bathrooms?

And it's like, oh. Horrific. It's just a hole, right? Just a hole. So my brother was in the Peace Corps. We went to visit him. I'm talking village, Africa, huts, like all in. Everybody's beating women, and the women are just doing that cornmeal shit all day.

And then there's a lady doing her hair. It was crazy. So I went to visit him. Nightmare. He did it for two years. I don't know how he did crazy. So I went to visit him. Nightmare. He did it for two years. I don't know how he did it, but I was like, where's the bathroom? And I'm wearing a full dashiki, the whole thing, because you've got to fit in. You were trying to fit in.

Yeah. I got AIDS. And I go to the bathroom, and it's a hole just in the ground. And I shit in it, and I nailed it perfectly. And right when my turd hit the water roaches came out. So you're in the most vulnerable position of your life shitting and you're like, there's like

900 roaches coming out of the hole. Good times. Dude, I had food poisoning in Myanmar. Had to go in all fours, barf into one of those holes and then go back to fucking diarrhea-ing into it. And then back hands and knees. Damn.

Callan told me he was in China, and he was shitting into a hole, and he realized there was pigs underneath there. Jesus. That's probably a big victory for those pigs, though. They eat the shit. It's a cycle. They're having fun. They eat shit anyway.

They eat shit all the time. True, and then we eat those pigs. And we eat ass. Wild pigs eat shit. There you go. Wild pigs eat cow shit all the time. Really? and then we eat those pigs. And we eat ants. Wild pigs eat shit. There you go. Wild pigs eat cow shit all the time. Really? Yeah, yeah.

They find them on farms. They eat cow dung. They eat everything. Why not? They eat everything. It's all nature. Cycle. Yeah, it is.

Well, I mean, that is, listen, that's rats. Rats eat a ton of shit. They eat a lot of dog shit. Rats, like, of shit. They eat a lot of dog shit. Rats, like... That's nice. Yeah. They're, like, besides bioregression, they're one of the best dog shit cleaner-uppers. Interesting. I got pissed so bad, bro. Already?

This is how it works, dude. Damn. What a wuss. It's that weak Jew bladder. Hold on. I had another thing. Rats is another group that helps. You know what's funny? You know what's funny?

When he was telling that shit story, I was like, I know a guy who shit in Africa. You started telling it. I was like, you're the guy. Yeah, that was me. I've told you that before. Yeah. Yeah, crazy. That story fucked me up.

I did a week there. I wanted to kill myself. The mosquitoes, the food, everything. Dude, going with your family? Did you have to take malaria medication? I did. Yeah? Did it protect you?

Mosquitoes have killed more people on Earth than any war or anything. I'd be so mad if my brother was in the fucking Peace Corps and then my family was like, we're visiting him. Yeah. I'd be like, dude, no, we're not. I'm glad I went. I mean, I was 20. So I was young enough to. But we went to Morocco, Marrakesh, Fez.

We did the whole Africa. And then we went there. Morocco is not. It's beautiful. The full Africa. No, no. That's a nice, I think it's probably as good as it gets. They don't have catalytic converters there, so there's just a fog like six feet in the air.

You just see this dirty air. It's gross. It just hovers above you. God damn. And you couldn't drink the water. I went to Mexico City. Flying into Mexico City, it looked like there was a fire. I took photos of it.

I put it on my Instagram. I'm like, this is... See if you can find it. It's so crazy. Like, this is a normal day. I ask the people, this is a normal day? Like, this is a normal day. Whoa.

Whoa. That's a major city. Like, a pretty cool city. They don't give a fuck about traffic lights. Oh, really? They don't give a fuck. That's just a suggestion. Right. They don't care. Red light? lights. Oh, really? They don't give a fuck. That's just a suggestion. Right.

They don't care. Red light, fuck it, I'm going. Damn. I mean, every intersection was jammed up. Look at that. That's a photo I took. Jesus. Yeah, it's pretty gray.

I said it's like LA on steroids. What year is that? How long ago is that? 396 weeks? Gee, that's a weird way to measure it. It's 2014. Look at that smart motherfucker. Autism, baby. Look at you. You know how it measure it. It's 2014. Look at that smart motherfucker. Autism, baby.

Look at you. You know how it says it. Yeah. Yeah. Wild. Oh. That's crazy that these people are breeding this in. Not only that, but they're also at, like, I think it's 7,000 feet above sea level.

Yeah. It's very high. So you have low oxygen and you have high smog really crazy like it's probably one of the worst air quality places uh on earth i got a headache from the moment i got there i was like whoa well la was bad but they cleaned it up yes that was in the 70s but that's unleaded gasoline versus leaded gasoline this This is crazy. When they first had these engines and they were using gasoline, the engines were like pinging.

They'd make all those, like, how do we stop this from happening? They go, oh, we'll just put lead in the gasoline. And then somewhere along the line, they go, hey, we did blood tests on people and everyone's got lead poison. Oh, yeah. They figured out that lead like, leaded gasoline

was fucking up everybody. Didn't someone tell us this whole story on the podcast? Or was this someone who talked to me off the podcast? They might have. I don't remember.

Well, you're 78. Don't you feel like things have changed? Like, you used to see a lot more retarded people, I feel like. You used to see a lot more... Mm-hmm I feel like. You used to see a lot more. Now it's just all autism and ADD and stuff like that.

But I feel like you saw the kid with one foot longer than the other. That's gone. Oh, you mean real fucked up. That was like fucked up people. I thought you meant like Down syndrome. Oh, like thalidomide babies. No, they're kicking around. Really?

I feel like I used to see more. You see way less. You see way less. Well, you don't. Well, that's. I mean, if you follow the right accounts, you see more of them. But I just feel like we've changed illnesses. Well, we're going to get to the point within our lifetime where you can genetically engineer

diseases away. They're already starting to do that. Cancer. Yeah. They fixed it. Well, in China, they've developed... They figured out a way... This is a funny one.

China's lying constantly. That's why this is a funny one This is one where they engineered out HIV In these people But made them way more intelligent In the process Whoops, sorry Wait, what?

Yeah, see if you can find that China keeps fibbing Yeah, they're doing some shit They're like, oh, COVID's done here They're doing some shit Remember that? They did it like month seven They were like, zero cases How's done here. They're doing some shit. Remember that? They did it like month seven. They were like, zero cases.

Now it's back up. How about the Uyghurs? They just take the Muslims and just bring them to some spot. Nobody knows what the fuck is going on. We're going to re-educate you. Total media blackout. Yeah, we're going to re-educate you. You know what we did?

Yes. What? You know what we did kind of skip over as far as how funny it was during COVID was trying to just netting dudes. Just netting them? Dude's trying to run and get in with a fucking net. Look at this. China's CRISPR twins may have had their brains inadvertently enhanced.

What? Whoopsies. Didn't mean to do that. New research suggests that a controversial gene editing experiment to make children resistant to HIV may also have enhanced their ability to learn and form memories. I mean, that's great. They did it on purpose.

Damn. And those, I believe, Google this, I believe those doctors were arrested. Like, what are you doing? Cuffs. I think they went to jail. I mean, they were probably arrested and executed and they were like, write that down, what you learned. No, I think they let them in.

If memory serves me correct, which it doesn't always, but I think they let him out. It's because you're not a CRISPR twin. They killed the guy who discovered COVID, right? Did they? Yeah, the guy who discovered COVID. Really? They killed him? The creator of the CRISPR babies

has been released from a Chinese prison. Yeah. Hei Jianghui created the first gene-editing children. Pretty good. Gene-edited children. The price was his career and his freedom. Or...

When was he arrested? How long did he even spend in jail? He works for the government. Right. The CRISPR twins sounds like a group that sells more to me. He was in jail for three years for making a superhuman. We were at the Funny Bone last week. CRISPR twins sold out.

CRISPR twins are black MAGA guys. Yeah. They're the Shit rules. They're adding shows. They're getting a shadow band on Instagram. Shit is fucking great, though. CRISPR twins. They're killing it.

That would be it. We're CRISPR. We're not black, but we're kind of CRISPR. BT. Buffalo choice. Hit me, fatty. There you go, Mark. I'm trying to show you, Cleaves.

Last time you had two sips made me look like a goddamn fool. Can I get another ball of ice? Yeah, we can definitely get more ice. Why did you decide to go hard this time? Well, I feel like you guys were saying, I phoned it in, I phoned it in, so I wanted to show you that I'm going to shit blood. You're doing great.

And then you take a piss and you're back to 100%. Yeah, the piss was great. I wanted that for about an hour. That piss feels so good. Once you started talking about going to fucking crazy places the piss was great. I wanted that for that piss feels so good Yeah, you started talking about going to fucking crazy places I was I have a benefit in holding my piss in today because I'm dehydrated because I went into the sauna Probably good fits probably good for more expensive fritz. I could not fucking sleep last night I maybe got an hour sleep last night. No. No. It's a fucking terrible story.

I had jock itch. I've had it. Yo. Not jock itch, but like crazy jock itch. It's a nightmare. I'm like, I'm gonna ignore this. And then I started pinching the skin around my balls, pinching it. It scratched so much I wanted to claw at it.

So instead I pinched my ball skin, and then I got up and I put defense soap, the salve, on it, because I know what it is. It's like foot fungus. It's what it is. It's the exact same thing. I thought it was dryness. Outside all day yesterday.

It's fungus. In the yard, I was shooting arrows. I was swimming in the pool. I had wet underwear. I wore them around, and I probably developed- Your panties were soaked. I got a yeast infection. It happens.

That's what it is. Yeah, it's a jock itch. It's the same thing as a ringworm. Dude, I had it for a infection. It happens. That's what it is. Yeah, it's a jock itch. It's the same thing as a ringworm. Dude, I had it for a month. It is. And the only thing that worked, I put cultures on there. You always hear like, hey, you got to put a yogurt on your dick, which didn't work. Are you guys going to shotgun these?

Is that what you understand? You got to get a- Tough acting, ten acting. Yeah, there's medicine. That's what it was. Tough acting, ten acting. It worked. It burned like a motherfucker.

I would run around the house like, ah! That's what that is. But it works. Dude, the last five summers, I get it. It's a hell. It stinks, dude. Are you guys trying to shotgun? Yeah, we're shotgun. Here, let me take the shotgun one, and then I'll piss.

Go piss first. You want a minute? Gather yourself. Okay, prepare yourself. Shotgun. Shotgun wedding. But anyway, so this was like as I laid down. And I don't know why it kicked in when I was sleeping because I never noticed it at all when I was walking around. That's when you feel it. It itches so bad.

My balls were, it was basically like a couple of inches above the taint. It was ruthless. It was just the skin. You just kind of like squeeze it for a second. Just like, oh, it for a second. I was pinching my... I wanted to claw my balls off. I thought as long as you guys just shower again and get whatever it is off.

Put some lotion on or something. I had been walking around all day. We had a Father's Day, Family Day, so we were hanging out in the pool. We were doing things outside. Then I shot arrows and it was like 95 degrees out and I kept the same underwear on So it developed some funk down there. Oh you get the wet panties. It's over So I put the salve on and after a while it went away, but Jesus Christ. I wanted to claw myself

Oh, yeah, I couldn't sleep and then I guess because of that agitated state I started having like crazy thoughts and then I'm like well don't think that and then like try to go to sleep and what oh just wow like apocalyptic shit you know about like what would it take I was sitting in my bed going what would it take for society to completely collapse and I was like all it takes the power going out it doesn't yeah like how many days days? For a year. A year? Yeah, we're fucked. We're already in apocalypse. I was at a blackout in New York once and within about two days you could hear glass shattering,

looting, babies crying. It's so quick. Yes. The structure of society, the fabric goes down. It's just primal. It's just like, I gotta survive. Especially because they happen all the time in the summer. Yes. The heat. Yeah, where everybody's- Everybody's already out late at night.

Yeah. How quick did you go during COVID to be like, I got to get something to protect my house? They're going to come door to door. Gun sales went through the roof. Looking for groceries. During COVID. Who, me? Yeah.

Did you go to that place? Dude. I went instantly. I live in that place. I'm in that place every day. What the fuck are you talking about? As soon as they were like, we're shutting this thing. That's hilarious. I was the first guy to move out of LA. I was like, I'm in that place every day. What the fuck are you talking about? As soon as they were like, we're shutting this thing, that's hilarious. I was the first guy to move out of LA.

I was like, I'm done. I was like, this is not sustainable. I go, I know where this goes. Look at Bill Burr. Yeah. If you just play it down the rabbit hole, immediately like, well, they're out of food. They need food. Oh, at some point they're just going to use force.

It's not even a food thing, man. They're going to come to my door for groceries. Lack of law. It didn't get to food. Food was available. It was a lack of law. Yes. And people had, like, during the George Floyd protests, when people walked down the street just smashing windows,

going into people's houses, it was wild. Wild. Wild. What were you saying about Bill? Well, he just got a helicopter license for that reason. He's like, I'm up, I'm out. That's all that is. Right. Take off. You gotta understand that this whole thing is, like, fucking barely glued. I'm out. That's all that is. Right. Take off. You got to understand that this whole thing is like fucking barely glued together with chewing gum. I know.

So I was thinking about that last night, which is a problem. Wow. Yeah. Because you can go to that place. I had a couple of cocktails. It just goes down from there. Yeah. It was Father's Day, so I had a couple of margaritas.

There you go. And my balls itched. And then I'm laying. Pop. And then I'm just laying there. That's what's on me. I take sleeping pills, man. I can't sleep. I'm embarrassed that I take sleeping pills.

Generally, I can jerk off and then I can go to sleep, but this time I couldn't pull it off. I jerked off, but I couldn't pull off going to sleep. Caitlyn Jenner pulled it off. I think she had help. It's funny how we turned on her. She was cool, and then they're like, ah, you're a Republican,

so we hate you also. Wild, right? She could do no wrong just for being her. But that shows politics, Trump's identity. I was going to tell you another conspiracy theory. What were we talking about? What were we talking about right before this? I was going to save it for when Shane came back.

A really recent one. Balls, itching, shooting arrows, before that. Cleaves, Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon. He's got a lot of kids. He's got a lot of kids. They tried to shut him down, dude. Jew jokes. Oh, this

is what it is. Yay! We got it back! The terrorist attack you've never heard of. A bunch of guys in 2013 broke into where this power plant is, I guess. I'll pull it up. Jamie knows it. Pull it up. So it just came out where people... I forget who brought it up to me, but then I started reading on it.

This is wild. These guys had a tactical attack on these generators. They came in and with guns took out like seven like multi-million dollar generators and did it in a way where they knew what the fuck they were doing. They all had masks, tactical

gear. Here it is. April 16, 2013, a team of highly skilled gunmen opened fire on the Metcalf Power substation in San Jose, California. In just under 10 minutes, they disabled 17 Transformers and caused $15 million in damage. This is the most important terror attack you've never heard of. What's the motive there? When was this?

Nobody knows. No one was ever arrested. What? Yes. When was this? I just found out about this like a week ago. Whoa. When is this thread?

When did this come out? 2013. The thread was June 6th. June 6th. Okay. Two weeks ago. Snipers? Two weeks ago, I found out.

I sent it to you. Yeah. You sent it to me? Yeah. Okay. Did someone talk about it on the podcast? I feel like they did. No, I was talking to you about it here before the show.

Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right. What? Yo, Jamie's down, by the way. This is wild. Look at this. Yo, Jamie's based. So look at this. 12.58 a.m. Fiber optic lines were cut not far from U.S. Route 101 outside of San Jose. The substation loses internet and phone service.

1.07 a.m. Some customers lost service. Cable in vault near the Metcalfe substation Was also cut A surveillance camera pointed along a chain link fence Around the substation Recorded a streak of light That investigators from the Santa Clara County Sheriff's Office

Think was a signal From a waved flashlight It was followed by a muzzle flash of rifles So they gave him the signal This is organized shit PG&E received an alarm for motions. Let me see the video again.

Good for them. This is impressive. So the flashlight's there, and then they open fire. These are feds, bro. Yeah. And then they just shoot at these Transformers. What is the goal? What is the motive? They gotta have a reason to do this.

No one knows. Riddled with bullet holes and having leaked 52 these transformers. What is the goal? What is the motive? They gotta have a reason to do this. The first transform, no one knows, riddled with bullet holes and having leaked 52,000 US gallons of oil, overheated whereupon PG&E's control center about 90 miles ago north received an equipment failure alarm.

Is this why gas is so high? No. No, it's because of Russia. It's the Putin price hike, you fucking communist. Yeah, it's definitely Putin.. It's the Putin price hike, you fucking communist. Yeah, it's definitely Putin. Putin price hike. Obviously.

Remember they were trying that for a few days? Yeah. Biden said that with all capital letters. They're still trying. The Putin price hike. But they were saying it like it was, you know. 100%. Officers arrived and found everything quiet, unable to get past the locked fence, and seeing

nothing suspicious, they left. Let's see this guy's account. Who's Wilma Nittus? Let's look into him. The person, Wilma Nittus? Let's see who this guy is. You want to fact check now? Yeah, let's see if he's a new account.

Let's see if he's a new account. That's very smart, actually. Look, only 30,000 followers. Interesting. In New York City. Since when? Since when? Does it say since when?

September 2016. Okay. All right, Will. Four years ago. It's pretty late. They could have had him in a dormant state waiting to activate him. Yeah. I like Will.

Is it Will? By far? Shotgun. Let's go. Seems all right. Let's go. It seems... Is there other corroborations?

About the story? I'm not good at shotgunning. About the story. We could look that up. I mean, so he was... Some of these links are... It's us. You gotta do it.

You gotta do it. Well, the interesting part is... So how do you do this? You stab the bottom, and then you crack the top. Oh, you're gonna do it? Chili is baby back there. I think you put a hole... I just gave it to somebody who grew up that way.

You put a hole. Do you put a hole in the top? Yeah. Here we go, folks. Do the game. That's a very nice knife. Don't fuck this down. Perfect squirter. That knife's ruined.

Hey, you ruined my knife. And that's it? Get a cheap knife. Use that's it? Don't we have a cheap knife? You go like this? Get a cheap knife. Do you do this down? I got one. It can cut through tin, bro. What did you say you do what down?

Wait, what did you say you do what down? You said do this down? Well, keep the... Okay. Oh, right, right, right. So you can shotgun. Okay. So just do it?

So you punch to the top. You sissy. We did this before, right? No, but he do it. You punch to the top. We did this before. But he didn't at all. Joe lower. I know how women feel. Yeah, yeah. Oh nice. Oh jeez man. Don't open it yet. Did you open it? Other way, you drink out of the hole. Drink out of the hole. Oh you drink out of the hole. Wait, wait, you're too high. You gotta get the bottom. I'll figure it out of the hole. Oh, you drink out of the hole. That's what I'm asking. Wait, you're too high. No. You've got to get the bottom.

I'll figure it out. Go, Mark. Like here. Yeah. Mark. Good, good, good. Get it. Good move.

All right. And then you crack it. Are you ready? And you finish it. You drink out of the hole. Out of the hole. You drink out of the hole. One, two, three, go.

Oh, that sounded a little heavy. Oh! Oh! Oh, my God. Jamie. Just checking, just checking. Fantastic. How dare you.

How dare you. That was very bad. Yeah, we're going to need more beer, Jamie. Jamie, you going to do it? Yeah, Jamie's got a shotgun one. I didn't get one in the hand. Can we get a camera on you? Hey, before you do this, don't ruin all of our equipment. Holy shit.

It's for the troops, Jamie. It squirts. In the trash can. Do it for the queen. Do it for Al Qaeda. Jamie, do it on camera so we can see. You want the tomahawk? We're all looking.

No, at the buttons. That's what I'm saying. I don't know what camera I left it all looking. No, at the buttons. Don't let Ari push buttons. Why don't you go figure out what camera is on? The right one. Can you see him? Go. Yeah, J-Mo. Pull it up.

That a baby. Wow, he sucked that shit. I told you he was based. Holy shit. I told you he was based. Eddie shit. I told you he was based. Yo, Eddie's jacked as fuck. This podcast is over. Jamie's in shape, son. Jamie's yoked, bro.

Look at that. Look at the guns, kid. You're going to fuck Red Band. You're going to titty fuck Red Band. Tonight at Kill Tony. Tonight, that's going to be a rough one. You're not doing it? That's going to get ugly.

We're doing it. I'm irresponsible. I'll probably do it. Yeah. It'll be a bad choice for all of us. Yeah. Ooh. Oh, it fills you up.

That woke me up. That's a fun one. Hey, boys. Boys. It's like you want to barf and then you don't. We're on the job. Yeah. This is our job.

Come on. We need a beer bong next time. Remember when you were a kid? Remember when you were a kid? And you're like, what kind of fucking job am I going to have? Yeah. Who is our job. Come on. We need a beer bong next time. Remember when you were a kid? Remember when you were a kid? And you're like, what kind of fucking job am I going to have? Yeah. Who would have guessed?

UPS driver was my future. Yeah, can you get a peg in here so we can do fucking catch stands next time? Packages. Hey, hey. Imagine if someone told you. No door in the car. Imagine if someone told you,

if they're like, Shane, you got to keep fucking up. Whatever you do. keep fucking up. I was kicked out of school, suspended, expelled. Of course, all of us. It would work out. If they were like, Shane, listen, you. Those guys at West Point, they're like, if you drop out of West Point now, you're gonna be a fucking loser.

Exactly. Nice work, idiots. Do you know how much of a loser I felt not going to college right out of high school? I was gonna take a year off. Oh, you're that guy. That's actually smart. That was me. Did you travel at least?

No. I said, everybody take a year off. Yeah. Yeah, no. All right, you're getting banged up, bro. You're getting hanged up. You heard that five Gs, you greedy motherfucker. What's the five Gs?

I told him I'll give him five grand if he drinks as many beers as me. I legitimately just zero chance. He's going to die. How many are you at? What are you at as many beers as me. I legitimately have zero chance. He's gonna die. How many are you at? It's a trap. He'll die for money. Wait, you're at 7? Ari will die for money. He's hiding drinks. I'm impressed. No, he's not hiding drinks, dude. I'm telling you. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Do you hear how heavy that beer was?

8's enough. Then I finished it. And then what did I do with that information? It's not just the information. Yo, for real, for the bet, we're gonna... Let me tell you something about Ari you probably don't know. I'm not doing it. Ari is secretly very competitive. I'm not even trying. Really?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tell that to his career. Ari is secretly very, very competitive. False information. I found that out when I played in pool, and I found that out when I did jujitsu with him. I gave Ari jujitsu lessons for a year as like a Hanukkah present. That's it. that out when I did jujitsu with him. I gave Ari jujitsu lessons for a year as like a Hanukkah present. And he started going and

when I first time I trained with him I was like this motherfucker takes this serious. You know what I got? Good rear naked choke defense. Once somebody's already back which they were every day. No I remember you swept me once. Whoa! I was in Ari's guard and Ari swept me.

I was like, whoa. Yeah, Ari choked you out, dude? No, he swept me. No, I know, but Ari beat your ass. I did beat your ass. I heard he fucked you up. Listen, he swept me. He swept me.

It's a point. This old Jew beat your ass? No, we were, look, at the time I think it was a brown belt and Ari was a white belt. And so I was like explaining what to do He got into it man Drills you'd like fight back and like well, let me try hard and you're like good job. You did it. Yeah Was like try hard and you're like good job you did it yeah no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Joe was like dude he was he tapped you he was quivering I cried a little I cried I was impressed no I told him right away I was like dude that I go you really got that I didn't give you that

you got that one he caught me off guard he caught me off guard but he's hyper competitive all right like when we did that uh sober October thing. No steroid, Goose. Number one, real. Rob McGuff. Steroid doesn't increase your will, though. I don't know, man. You want an athletic competition with steroids. I want it with will.

Okay. It's all about how long you keep your heart at 140 beats a minute. It's not a weightlifting competition. If it was a weightlifting competition, I'd agree with you. Yeah, baseball's not a weightlifting competition. No, no, no, no. It is. Because it's the power to hit a ball. He used steroids to beat me in an athletic competition.

What was the competition? We did a silver October challenge. And you did steroids to not do alcohol? I did testosterone replacement therapy, which I do always. Like Hitler. I kept doing it. But not as much math. He's mathed out a test.

And I'm fucking doing this sober trying to wake up in the morning with no coffee. I knew when we started that Ari was going to be the biggest threat. Really? I was like, this is crazy. I thought Bert's pretty athletic. No, no, no, no, no, no. Bert's a talker. Bert's a liar.

Bert talks. Uh-oh. We were just talking about that diet. Bert is tough. Yeah. Bert is tough. Oh, wait. This is like, so we did a podcast.

And this one, look how ripped he was. Look how ripped he was. Look at his fucking abs. He looks like a survivor. Give me some volume. Give me some volume. Oh, wait. This is like, so we did a podcast. And this one, look how ripped he was. Look how ripped he was. Look at his fucking abs. He looks like a survivor. Give me some volume. Give me some volume. He really does. So this is in the-

Look at that. They were ripped. Oh, he's in the yellow. And Frank Jean. I'm telling you, I've been burning the freedom across the Rhine River. I'll tell you what. I would never do this again. I would never do this again, but I'm really glad we did this.

Yeah. This is so hard. This is fucking hard. Burt claimed that I was cheating, and then we're like, let's do a hype together. Let's see how many points we got. I will never do this again, but I'm really glad we did this yeah Burke You got way more points Exhausted exhausted. Yeah, you look rip man. You're Listen we did a podcast after the podcast re that re road for an hour for one's 190 weeks ago, dude. That's been a while. You've had a rough 190 weeks.

Well, it's just he got into crazy shape, but he just didn't keep going. That's got a million and a half views there, Ari. You got abs, dude. Yeah, dude, Ari was shredded. But here's what happened. I still paid my fucking gym account for four years before I realized. I was like, I haven't been back there once. Here's what happened with Ari.

Ari realized that you can watch a movie while you're doing it, and it's way easier. So he went to the gym and watched a movie and racked up these big numbers. This is the beginning of the month we're trying to figure it out. 24-hour gym. This motherfucker. This idiot should go to sleep thinking about that. You should have seen him today you wouldn't do the fucking hotel workout yeah no no i didn't get half a mile you gotta you gotta

make a contest out of it you make a contest out of it he's a psycho he's just not disciplined i'm telling you he's a fucking psycho he was was the big threat good for you, man Yeah, and then Tom got the flu so Tom was a big threat too because Tom's got a strong mind Bert was never really gonna watch every one of your specials on a gym beating you except for the steroid users Beating you in that thing. I watched your specials watch just like running watching him segura's crisis yours run run In win Wow, but you lost Segura's, Kreischer's, yours Run, run, run Win, win But you lost He blames the steroids It's my only triumph

It's a willpower thing It's like how much time are you willing to stay on the thing And I said I'll kill you all I said I'm gonna kill you all You're the biggest psycho I wanna see where we can go I did 7 hours on an elliptical machine. Oh, shut up. Yes, I did.

Seven hours? What about your kids? What about his kids? You do that? You've got to be a bad parent. Nine to five. I got up early in the morning. Yeah, I did. Crazy. I got up early in the morning and I did. No, I did. I did. I watched John Wick a hundred times in a row. By the way, I just

re-watched it. It rewatch it dude. I said I Set off the fire alarm in my gym so my sweat. That's right. Shut up. What does that video of it? How do you set off an alarm the video there was so much? I had my it was a bedroom that I converted into a gym and I sweat so hard No, I'm not joking look Look at the steam on the wall. Look at the puddle on the floor. It's like Auschwitz. Auschwitz?

Good to have you back, Ari. That's in your special. This is the first I set off the fire alarm with steam for a while. It's real. I set off a fire alarm. I did that once with a queef. So this was, we got into a heated battle at one point in time.

It was getting crazy where guys are putting up these big numbers, working out three, four hours a day. And so I said, let's fucking go to deep water. Damn it. He went hunting. He got like 80,000 points in a fucking afternoon. I was running all day. You don't realize how hard it is.

Hunting when you're in the mountains is so hard on your cardio. That's why the best guys like Cam Haynes, he's a fucking ultra endurance athlete. That's why it's one of many reasons why he's the best at it because he doesn't get tired. You get so fucking tired when you're hiking in the mountains. And you have a backpack on. Most of those guys do. Elevation. Yeah. And you're carrying a bow and you're fucking going up these hills and trying to chase out a four-legged animal that's running away from mountain lions so i was killing them with that yeah but i was already ahead i was i was already dragging you guys in a deep water nope

that's what got you ahead yeah yep yeah i mean it's not like it was the hardest group to drag i don't think so i don't think i was ever behind it's not like it was the hardest group to drag into deep water. I don't think so. I don't think I was ever behind. It's crazy. You know what else? It was kind of like the Skank Selection where once Burt and Tom realized like, oh fuck, we're not going to even come close.

And they were just both wanting to be knocked to the last. I knew it was going to be you, you fuck. So who won? I knew it. I won. Jesus Christ. But again, Asherx. But I knew it was going to be.

He won, Asherx. I was stealing. But he won. I was cheating. But you wouldn't quit weed. Remember that? That was a big issue. Oh, no, that was so October. We talked him into it. Oh, sorry. We talked him into it.

He was like, no, no, we're not doing weed. And we all started shitting on him. He was like, oh, pussy, he's got a real problem. Pray for Joe. Pray for Joe was a big thing. Don't get me started on the blue chew. He can't get it up. It got to a point where I was like, there's got to be a reason.

There's got to be a reason why I enjoy all this stuff. Let's see what it's like. Wait, hold on. Let's see what it's like to not for a month. It's fun to push it, man. Good for you guys. I like your chin strap. Oh, I'm trying.

Yeah, why are you doing that? What are you doing with the mask? You believe the science. Yes, yes. You believe the science. I do. You push them right now. By the way, I do. Fat people are beautiful. I forgot. I came on here to dis. Yes, yes. You believe the science. I do. You push us right now. By the way, I do.

Fat people are beautiful. I forgot. I came on here to disprove you, dude. About what? Oh, shit. Oh, thank God. The boosters. The what?

You got the boosters? Booze twos? Hell yeah, I got the boosters. I got a bunch of them. Boosters. And now I'm doing pretty good. You've lost weight. You look good.

We have to remember before we go. I got boosters. I'm glad you do. Before we, we gotta do the Hitler And Mussolini videos Oh yeah We forgot those They're the best

When we started talking I thought history You gotta see Mussolini Dude you talk shit So what are you saying About boosters Oh they're the best You like them

Could you imagine I've gotten several How many have you got Three How many did you get You got three boosters? Is that even allowed? Is it like caviar, like it's an acquired taste?

It is, but once you get, yeah, for real, once me and all my bros that get boosters hang out, we're all like, dude, this is so sick. You're in sync. We're never going to get the common cold again. Oh, how dare you. Wouldn't it be great to have a Mussolini Hitler podcast? That's what's a bummer about those old times. They didn't have any

footage. No footage of that shit. Here's what's weird. Obama had a podcast. And it tanked. It didn't do well. It was called Renegades. It was him and fucking Bruce Springsteen. What the fuck is this? That's him trying to get his. He was like, this guy was cool. It was a fake factory worker and a president being like, we're renegades. That's him trying to get his. He was like, this guy was cool. It was a fake factory worker and a president being like, we're renegades.

It's like, dude, shut up. Half white. Listen, you gotta give it up. You gotta give it up for some of Bruce Springsteen's music. Oh, he's a killer. I don't care how crazy he is. Of course. Born to run.

Best song of all time. He was like 24 years old. Come on, man. He was an animal. Of course he went crazy. And not a Jew, by the way. By the way, no fucking- Why would you even- Well, Springsteen. Oh, okay. Well, the animal. Of course he went crazy. And not a Jew, by the way. By the way, no fucking- Why would you even-

Well, Springsteen. Oh, okay. Well, the Jews have gotten a lot of props. I am, but okay. Deservedly so on this podcast. Yes. We've given the Jews a lot of props. Love the heave.

Yeah. Good tribe. Go away, QAnon. Hey, pretty good. Let's keep it up. Dude, I've been done. You're doing great. I've been done.

What do you got? Eight in? You get eight in? I was ready to quit at four. I'm like, oh, no, dude. You're doing great. What have you got, eight in? You get eight in? I was ready to quit at four. I'm like, oh, no, dude. You're doing great. I'm impressed. It's scary.

Your eyes won't open. We're all having a good time in life. It's scary when you get to a point when you're like, I don't know if I can keep going. Your eyes are shut. We're getting old, man. It's scary. The hangovers. They get rough.

Well, it's just like it's accumulated damage. It's like getting punched in the face with little jabs every night. Yeah. Just not that bad. Just you get thumped. And just think how many years we've done it. Over years and years. After a while, you get a little chinny.

You're like, fuck, it's hard to come back. You get knocked out quick. You get a three-butt light chuck. You know what's weird? When you have a friend that's like a heavy boozer, and you see one drink in, and they're already fucked. You're like, god damn it. That's like a heavy boozer and you see one drink in and they're already fucked. You're like, God damn it. That's not a good memory.

Your liver is dog shit. Yeah. It's a very resilient organ. You can't break down anything. It's like a foreign substance. Your liver is so tired. I had Segura on my pot. He gets a trainer every day.

He doesn't drink at all. He's an animal. He's an animal. I'm so impressed. He looks so good. He looks great. He looks so good. But is he having fun? But is Stano fun? He's an animal. He's an animal. I'm so impressed. He looks so good. He looks great. He looks so good. But is he having fun?

But is stand-up fun? He's having fun. He's sober. Yeah. Yes. It's just fun. Yes. It's so fun.

Stand-up is just fun. There's an old Earthquake quote where they're interviewing some podcasts in some interview, and they're like, do you ever drink on stage? He goes, well, stand-up comedy is one of the few professions that allow imbibing while you're performing. And they're like, do you do that? He goes, and I like to, yeah, avail myself of that opportunity. And they're like, does it ever fuck up your standard?

He goes, absolutely. It ruins weekends. He's fucking hilarious. Earthquake is the man. He's the man. So funny. I was so happy to have him on the podcast because we've talked about him so many times that he's like the best comic that doesn't get what he deserves.

Killer. Killer. In terms of when he's murdering, he doesn't get the respect he deserves. Destruction. I think more people get it now that he has that Netflix special that just came out. It was a Netflix, right? Yeah. It was like a half hour special.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a Dave Chappelle Presents thing, right? Dude, he's a monster. He's a killer. He's a monster. Who's the comic? That's him. That's him on stage right now.

Oh, that's Moose. Well, we're going to say Shane. Shane's with the terrible segues here. Yeah. Shane is forcing segues. The Tower 7 did go down because of him. Who's the comic you had on? You were talking about like doing nothing.

I think it was Earthquake. Doing nothing? What about it? Yeah, like you were talking about like if I don't do anything all day, I'll feel terrible. Oh, yeah, probably. And he was like, no, that's just nice. Yeah, that's exactly. He's like, that's not me at all.

And as soon as he said it, I was like, yo, hell yeah, bro. He's awesome. That's it all. He almost said Mulaney now. We're both right. We're absolutely both right. Yeah. He said Eddie Murphy should have won an Oscar because he played eight characters in The

Clumps. That's a good point. Because no matter how, even if he thought his actor was mediocre, he was like, it's still not eight times worse than this. Bro, do you ever see how good Eddie Murphy is still at stand-up? No. Do you ever see that speech that he gave? What speech?

Let me tell you something right now. If Eddie Murphy decided to just do stand-up? No. Did you see that speech that he gave? What speech? Let me tell you something right now. If Eddie Murphy decided to just do stand-up tomorrow, he would be at the top of the heap. Disagree. No, you're crazy. You're kidding me.

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. He's all out of shape. No way. I want to show you something. You have to do reps. You have to bomb. He's not willing to bomb.

I love you all. I love you all. I value your opinion. I think he's great. He's great. He's going to to bomb. I love you all. I love you all. I value your opinion. He's great. He's great. I think you're 100% correct. Here's my perspective. If he was doing reps, he'd be even better.

Of course. You have to do reps. You have to do reps. I'm saying you're absolutely correct, but I'm saying the level he's at without doing reps is so high that if he decided to do stand-up again, if you watch him give this speech, he gives a speech,

he does a Bill Cosby impression, it's fucking magic, dude. Okay. His timing is sensational. He's gifted. He's gifted. Nobody said he's not gifted. I want you to be open-minded.

Nobody said he's not gifted. No, no, no, no, no. I'm open-minded, but you gotta practice. Okay, let's hear it. No, listen, you fucks. Of course you have to practice. Those two, not me, Joe.

But I'm saying if you haven't done... Joe, I'm on your side, dude. You and me are friends. Before we go further, Roseanne Barr went on stage after I don't know how many years at our show at the Vulcan like three weeks ago. Really? She fucking crushed. No way.

She hasn't been on stage in years. The nut lady? She didn't know she was going to go up until 10 minutes before she went up. Stan Hope and Ron White talked her into doing stand-up. And she goes on stage and the audience goes fucking insane. And she kills.

She kills. She's self-deprecating. She's talking about how crazy she is. She's so loose. Her timing is on. And she hasn't done stand-up in years. It does click in. But here's what I'm saying. As good as she is right then and there, she was an all-time great.

We forget. Domestic goddess, yeah. Roseanne's an all-time great. So when you see her there, if she was doing regular reps, she'd be way better. That's how good Eddie Murphy is. Eddie Murphy is so good that if you see him in this speech No reps at all. Let's but but doing acting and of course hanging around with funny people What watch this It's a hundred percent different than being on stage by the way, this is the worst environment ever for stand-up We got that right. This is the worst environment. Weird crowd, though. Weird crowd.

They're all into him. Of course. And they love him already. Yeah, they love him already. But let's see. We'll see. We'll give a fair... I mean, we're all agreeants.

He's a master. That seems true. Okay, don't be a hater. He's a beast. He's one of the greats. I'm going to extend a go-ahead before he gets on. It's a tremendous honor.

Wonderful evening. I'd like to thank the Kennedy Center, first of all, for celebrating me and honoring me in such a wonderful way and bringing my loved ones and my family here. This is a super special, memorable night. And thank you to all the comedians that came out and sang. I mean, Sam Moore came out and sang,

and Alabama Shakes was here. We had a really, really, really special, special night. Hasn't been lost on me that usually when people have evenings like this, a person's really, really old when they get these awards. They'll let you wait really like, one of the greatest, funniest people of all time was George Carlin, and he received this award posthumously.

And he's funnier than all of us. So to be standing here alive and looking like myself still is a wonderful thing. It'll let you get really old and good at you, man. And there was also some confusion about whether or not it was an award or a prize and I And actually it's an award even though they call it the prize. It's an award because usually when there's a prize there's money involved Killing Timing was that written? No, it's all written. I thought I was reading some paper. I was like, yo.

No, no, it gets better. It gets way better. That's way better. Kennedy said, that sounds like paper. He's receiving an award. Then they told me yesterday they raised $2.3 million. I was like, yo, I'm in there. Then I came down and they told me that, oh, there is no, it's a prize, but there is no money.

And I was like, oh. So I think to clear up the confusion for future recipients, maybe you don't want to call it the Mark Twain Prize. Maybe you might want, if you don't want to call it the award, maybe you could call it the Mark Twain Surprise. Wordplay. Crap. Crap. Crap. Now switch to Dave Chappelle's and watch a real comic.

No, no, no, no. He does this Bill Cosby thing. Play Mussolini. He's a killer. That motherfucker kills. But that still doesn't diminish how wonderful this is. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing to be included. At this point, I'm rooting for him.

I'm rooting for my memory to be correct. I think that was all off the cuff, which is still pretty good. Paul Reiner. Lily Tomlin. Who else got this? Bill. Bill has one of these. Did y'all make Bill give his back?

No, because I know there was a big outcry from people. They was trying to get Bill to give his trophies back. You know you f***ed up when they want you to give your trophies back. Now he's being himself. Yeah. Oh, we're good. You want to give his trophy back to him? He should do one show where he just come out and just talk crazy now.

I would like to talk to some of the people who feel that I should give back my trophies. They bleeped out the bad words. Because you can't handle them. Just because you may have heard recently that I allegedly put the pill in the people's chocolate! I wish someone would come up to my house talking about giving, give up the trophy because you put the people's chocolate. You get nothing! But I'm not giving back. I wish this was uncensored.

Yeah. And who is Hannibal Buress? Hannibal Buress? Hannibal Buress! First of all, Hannibal is a caveman's name. And you're going to just come on out and push over the apple cart to hannibal if i ever see or meet this hannibal barrison person i am going to try to kill this why did they beat that out that's the only thing that's not beat well he's black pbs and hannibalism He's not beat.

Well, he's black. PBS. And Hannibal is a bit more. I think they felt like they didn't have the right. I bet they discussed it. I bet they felt like we don't have the right to disclaim that. I bet they did. For real, it's PBS. Don't let the Kramer.

So, like, think about it. The guy's not done any stand-up. All right. It was fine. Pretty good. Nobody's like, that's amazing. Nah. Terrible environment.

Terrible environment. Are you always an asshole? I'm just saying. Standing O. Standing O. Of course. They're? I'm just saying. Standing O. Of course. They're sick of fans. Standing O.

He's getting a fucking lifetime achievement award. Go actually try it and do it for a while. No fucking way. Mark, you know you're on my side. I'm on your side too. I'm not. This is where you're wrong. I'm on your side too. I know what you're saying.

That was fun. But I'm saying that he's so talented, that's how good he is without doing it. Yeah, yeah. If he started doing it again, he would be a killer. Everybody, like, for a lot of guys who hadn't done it in a long time, why are you so angry? Because he, whatever. Everyone talks about it.

He's like, oh, he's going to be amazing. Well, do it then. Didn't he sign a deal with Netflix? Yeah. I don't know. That fell through. He doesn't need it. You got to need it a little bit.

I think he probably might need it. Maybe he knows. You got to go need it a little bit. I think he probably might need it. Maybe he knows. You've got to go on stage every day for a year. He's got a lot of residuals coming in. He's fine. Where would you go? What do you do? You go right to the clubs?

Yeah, I don't know. People are going to come to see you. Where are you going to go? You've got to promote it. You've got to drop in. You've got to drop in. You've got to label it workout. But every night for a long time.

Don't you think you've got to drop in? Yeah, you've got to drop in. He could never drop in. You gotta drop in. You gotta label it workout. But every night for a long time. Don't you think you kinda gotta drop in? Yeah, you gotta drop in. He could never drop in, though. But at least some level of like... He could do it. Some kids would be like, I kinda know who you're talking about. Every single person. They'd start tweeting when he's there.

Yeah, but once he's there, if he's only gonna do five, ten minutes, he can get away with a drop in. He'd do a real drop in. There might be a good move to do that. Yeah. Or, you know, go up on someone's show where it's introduced like you haven't done stand-up in forever, and you just go up there. No, just go up all the time. You can do the best you can do.

He's just famous. He can't get an honest reaction. But he can get as close as he can get. That's the hard part of him dropping in because the first five to ten are going to be forgiven. But some 19-year-olds, I kind of know him. You know what's weird? When that happens, when someone's like a TV star, and the first 30 seconds, the audience is going nuts. Yeah.

And then the material starts coming out. Exactly. You're like, ooh. Exactly. And then it gets this weird place like 30 seconds in where you're like, oh, no. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the great Colin Quinn joke. Because also, they just saw three real right now comics.

Yeah. And then it's like, ah. Well, that's the beauty of stand-up. You get five minutes of grace. Oh, it's Jack Nicholson. This is the Colin Quinn thing. Jack Nicholson. Oh, we love him.

He's beloved. He's an American icon. And then five minutes in, you're like, we're bored as shit. Yeah, like, oh, yeah, Greg Burns is way better than this. Like, this was not close. Isn't that weird? Like, comedy is a fucking strange bitch yeah it's a weird art form because it seems like we're just talking yeah but it's chosen words

it's cadence it's rhythm it's so much put into it cadence owens. It's amazing. It's so fun. It's amazing. Jamie, where the fuck are the Bud Lights, dude? Jesus, Jamie. I didn't know you were out, but they're coming. This should be in a second. We're out. We're way out.

Some of your fucking paid killers to go get some Bud Lights. I'll double check. Hold on. I'll check. I got some Drizzly. I'm so high. I'm fascinated with the fact I can change the alien's light colors. Oh, jeez.

You're that guy now? Yeah. He's always a toy guy. Is that bad? Is it bad to be that guy? No, it's not bad. What is that guy? The lights or the alien? The alien.

Oh, man. They're real. Yeah, of course they're real. They're real. Illegals. That's us in the future. That's what that is. Aliens?

Yeah, that's what we're going to look like. Well, do you think they know about us and they're just like, these guys are idiots? Or they're waiting? I think if they're real, they know about us. It depends on how long they've been around. If you type infinite universes, some species is smart enough to get here. And then they're leaving us alone. There's so many possibilities out there.

But then you would think somebody would have invaded. No. With infinite possibilities, somebody would have invaded. No. With infinite possibilities, somebody would have invaded. True. The thing is, the way they describe it, when they talk about type 1, type 2, and type 3 civilizations. Diabetes. I had this guy, Michio Kaku. Do you know the physicist? That guy's brilliant.

He's amazing. Brilliant. Amazing. Your mind blows every time you watch him. Really, really good at explaining complicated things to people like us. You know? He can explain it in a way that's very clean. Accessible. Very digestible. He's just brilliant at that.

And just about anything. He's got this insane wealth of information. There's a group of girls that like him, too, by the way. Oh, I'm sure. Oh, he's got to have groupies. Oh, he has to. Scientist groupies. He's a super genius. Oh. him, too, by the way. Oh, I'm sure. Oh, he's got to have groupies. Oh, he has to. Scientist groupies. He's a super genius.

Oh, I'd fuck Sam Harris. I saw that once when you did your Scientology show, or Scientific show. Which one? Where your science show was. Oh, you mean that thing, the 2040, the thing that we all did together in New York? Yeah. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah.

Where there were all the geniuses and then the groupies? Yeah. Yeah, we would hang geniuses and then the groupies. Yeah. Yeah, we would hang out at night with these geniuses that were like, oh, here's a look, here's a genius in this, here's a genius in that.

They go speak, but they're like cowboys in their field. Yeah, they're super famous. So everyone hangs out. He's like women. And boys, too. Guys, too.

There's a lot of guy groupies. I want to hear them. Yeah. Really? Yeah, they're so smart. They're famous scientists. Bud Light is making a ton of money off this ep. Hey.

They deserve it. They've been around forever. They're American. It's a fucking American solid beverage. Hey, you remember when you had to order a Bud American? No. Just order an America? I missed that.

What? They were covering the flag. So they would just order. It's now renamed.? No. They were covering the flag. What? So they were going to just order... It's now renamed, Budweiser's renamed America. Wow. Wait, so tell us... How long?

When was this? 2016-ish. Wow. You want to shotgun one more? With Pikachu. What happened with Pikachu? That guy. No.

I just enjoy drinking though. No, no. Let's shotgun one more. What happened with the white hair guy? Oh my God. Look at this. America. Yeah. We tried. We went to the beach. We're doing beach. We're going, can I get one America? And they're like, what?

Thank you. And you're like, all right. This peer pressure is ridiculous. It's for real, though. It is for the truth. Wait, what happened with the scientist? Unrelenting. You never finished.

For real. Shout out to the teams. I forgot what I was talking about. What was I saying? You're talking about the scientist Asian guy. Right. How did we get to him? We were talking about aliens, right?

Yes. Oh, we get back on aliens? Oh. Well, he had a good thing with the Asian guy. Right, how did we get to him? We're talking about aliens, right? Yes. We get back on aliens? Oh. Well, he had a good thing with the Asian. Well, he believes that a lot of the... Please don't do that. Sorry. He believes that the... what they know

about whatever the fuck these things are is so strange that it doesn't follow known science. He was saying the videos that they can show you, the actual evidence of things moving and when they track these things, the speeds that they move at,

it defies science. There's no heat signature. Everything's fucked. Yeah. Jamie's in again. He's an animal. The kid's an animal. Jamie's a monster.

Jamie's shot guns harder than everybody. Oh, Jesus. I got the tomahawk. Thank you, though. Yeah, the tomahawk's nice, dude. Go Cleveland Indians. Wait, hold on. Get the tomahawk, dude. It's in my can.

You gotta go down. You gotta get the lid down. LFG, bitches. Let's go. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. It's so cold. This is for real, though. This is for the troops, dude.

Sorry. Uno, dos, tres, go. My hole sucks. Damn it. Gah! Now don't nobody say anything bad, dude. Now don't nobody say anything bad, dude. When you said my hole sucks, I almost laughed in the middle of chugging.

Yeah, yeah, in the middle of it. Bad hole. We're having fun, dude. This is what guys do. Well, they used to before it became toxic. Are you going to pee again? Get the man a diaper? Yeah, I do. It's every day for me.

Oh, dude, I do have to say, I do have to say, the fucking fully loaded tour is nice. It's got to be amazing. I can't wait. Can't wait. It's got to be amazing. The only problem with it is that little twink they have on the tour, that fucking man's dude. I love man's.

That fucking, everything else is cool. I don't know what you're talking about. There's a guy, Bert has like a group of dudes around. There's this one motherfucker. What's the problem? He's just a twink and he loves Norman. He's a queef for sure. Bro, he walked actually at the Vulcan.

He came, remember that dude? He was chirping at you. Oh, he was all over you. He was? And you had to shut him down. You're like, who is this fucking guy? And Burt was like, what are you doing, man? Shut the fuck up.

But. Hey, let's not call this guy out on the podcast. Oh, no. I promised him I would. You promised him you would? Yeah, last night he was talking shit. And I said, tomorrow I'm doing Rogan. I'm going to fucking bury you, pussy.

You told him that? Yeah. So. Are you sure you want to do this? I couldn't be more excited to do this. For real, I'm certain.

He's a cleef and a half. Man's, alright, obviously he's a good dude, but, He's a great guy. For real, he's a great dude,

but, he, Great guy. Yo, this is where I wanted to kill him. He likes little boys. He walks, he does love boys.

He walks, Isn't that okay though? Well, he's fine. He walked into the green room and bawled in. Isn't that okay, though? Well, he's fucking them. He walked into the green room at Vulcan. It should be okay. He walked into the green room. I was just on tour with these motherfuckers.

Right. He did the European tour. Norman did the Europe tour. He walks in and he's like, hey, how are you, to me. Never met me in his life. He's like, Mark, hey. Wait, what? Dude, man. how are you, to me. Never met me in his life. He's like, Mark, hey. Wait, what? Dude, Mans.

He called you me? Mans loves you. No, no, no. Oh. Like, you and me were both in the green. Oh, oh, oh. His story sucks. No, it's funny.

Wait a minute. Doesn't it suck? Sorry, I'm drunk. His story sucks. Yo, give it a second, Joe. The fuck's your problem? I know. For a guy who likes conspiracy theories and aliens, you don't really give us a shot.

There was a moment there I could just jump in and say this story sucks, and I knew it would be funny to do. It's funny. I did it. I don't mean this story sucks. Hitting anybody with me. I can have an open mind and really enjoy this story, but that moment I'm like, I think I can say this story sucks and it'll be hilarious.

And it'll break me down. I'll be like, what the fuck, Joe? What the hell are you talking about? It worked. We're going to get back to Mussolini in a bit, folks. Don't worry. We haven't lost our spot. This is so much better without Ari. Jesus, Wayne, that's down. He's got to be wrecked. Oh, these fucking Jews.

Yo, for real, Ari's got to be wrecked. Do you think he's puking? No. He's running the media out there. He might be. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10. He didn't have that one? I'm impressed. He's going to be wrecked.

That's double digits. So he's had 10 beers. Good for him. Dreidel. We shotgunned. No, 11, 12. One's mine. One's mine.

Two are down. One's mine. Maybe even two is mine. Two would be a throwaway. 11? Maybe 11. Don't do me like that, though. Let's say 10. He's got 10 beers down. Go to the Burt tour. That's mine. One is down. Maybe even two is mine. Two would be a throwaway. 11? Maybe 11. Don't do me like that, though. Let's say 10.

He's got 10 beers down. Go to the Burt tour. That's insane. Go to Fully Loaded. We're doing Mississippi. We're doing Greenville. We're doing Bristol, Tennessee. It's going to be nuts.

What's the website? FullyLoaded.com? I believe. Pull it up. That's a great name for a fucking tour, by the way. And you've got to hand it to the motherfucker. He's a mogul. He's a fat mogul.

He's drunk and he's a mogul. Yeah, he's a mogul. Like, imagine how good he would be if he was sober. I know! No. But his tickets would look lame. There it is. Is Burt taking his shirt

off on stage the single biggest move in the history of comedy? I've never heard. I said it last time. Dude, the pop it's my favorite thing when I'm with him like gets, and first off, I've been going on right before him this whole time. So I'm following fucking Big Jay and Dave. Oh, Dave Attell, the funniest guy. And by the way, Jay's been murdering.

Jay's a beast. Dave obviously murders. Killers. Both of them killers. And then I go on, and then I'm like, nice. Good luck. Yeah. No, then I go on, I'm like, that was pretty good. And then, like, ladies and gentlemen, Bert Kreischer, and then I'm like, nice. Good luck. Yeah. No, then I go on, and I'm like, that was pretty good.

And then, like, ladies and gentlemen, Burt Kreischer, and it's like. And I'm like, fuck. Holy shit, I'm nothing. That's wild. And then, yo, the pop of him taking his fucking shirt off. Oh, it's like the Beatles. It really is. And honestly, what's funny is when you're there You're like Nice

Yes you're it As a fucking comedian You want to sit there And be like Oh that's your fucking thing Yeah No but he's funny too Bro

He's great When he does it It's It's special It's a beautiful thing Dude He is He's a beautiful thing

He's an entity He's not normal Look at this That's not a normal human This is what we've been doing Dude it's been nuts And here. And here's the other thing. He couldn't be a nicer guy. The best. Couldn't be a nicer guy. He's a

genuine sweetheart. Loves comedy. He's a genuine 100% sweetheart. That's the thing. None of it's him. I protect that guy. Those people are having so much fun. I protect him. He puts on a show. I've had some conversations with him. Those people are having so much fun. The best. Hold on. Can I say had some conversations with him The best His kids miss him

They were there They were there on Father's Day He puts on a show That's an event Can I say this? We're doing baseball fields And it's like Who's gonna kill? He's out there drinking with people

Salute He's doing ice baths who's gonna kill he's out there drinking with people salute i mean you're not getting a better show in the world than that shows he's doing ice baths and fucking ivs let's fucking go how did he live outlive norm mcdonald he's got a tell on he's got that's a special human being yeah yeah he's the real deal he drinks so hard you want to to talk about, like, okay, I'm doing testosterone. Burt has been drinking his whole life. Yeah, oh, yeah. That's a giant disadvantage for performance. And yet he still has enough energy to do all the shit he does. He's always going after it.

Did I? Alcohol? We were in the car with Cameron Haynes. That's when I was performing? And I was like, hey, Burt ran a marathon. Hold on. You guys are all over the place. And Cameron Haynes is like, that's a legit thing.

You can't deny that. That's a legit thing. Yeah, he ran a fucking marathon. He's got the Mickey Mantle gene. He really has it. Although he died at 62. The guy has a drive. That's over.

This was the point, is the guy has a drive that belies his habits. Yes. Weird. Like, his habits are insane. Like, you just want to go, how do you have any energy to do anything? You eat shit. You drink vodka all day. You're out of your fucking mind.

That's amazing. I'm 10 years, 12, 20, whatever years younger than him. I would be hungover. I couldn't move, and he would be on the elliptical with a Bud Light. He's on the elliptical drinking wine. He gets vitamin IVs, and he keeps going. Keeps going. That's a legit music festival.

For a comedy show night. Wait till you see it. How many hours is this show? This show is long, dude. The intermission? You have an intermission. A half hour? That's what the Brits do. That means you hang out all day. That means he's just putting on a day of entertainment.

That's a great idea. A hour intermission for a day. Get more drinks. So is it like, what's the total amount of time that people are performing? Hold on, let me say this. It's the party of the summer. Yep. Guys. He just tried to high five you and you just didn't even. Guys, hold on.

No respect. Fully loaded? Fully loaded? No respect for the high five. The fully loaded tour? Are you in promotion mode? It's the party. This is Shane Gillis promotion mode. It's the party of the summer. Who the fuck would have thought respect for the high five. The fully loaded tour? Are you in promotion mode? This is Shane Gillis promotion mode.

It's the party of the summer. Who the fuck would have thought? There's the clip. Clip it. Now I'm done, dude. I'm giving fuck. Yo, that tour stinks, dude. I hate it.

It's a great idea. What a great idea. I'll throw you a bird in the middle of it. It's the party. Guys, it's the party this summer. Whoa, another beer? Oh, come on, Bristol.

Sell this shit out. Look at this. They're at the Bon Secours Wellness Arena. Yeah, the Bon Secours is going to be lit, dude. Thunder Valley Amphitheater. We got Brian Simpson coming. We need a black on that tour It's getting a little white

Simpson's fucking hilarious I love Simpson I'm with Simpson July 1st At the MGM That's a funny black Yeah Jesus Christ

I mean a funny guy I'm gonna do some time He's killer Joey Coco Diaz Jesus Christ In Bristol, Tennessee He did my Coco He did my Creek Week

Yo I did I did those Atlantic City shows And Joey On the first night, you could tell he hadn't been in front of that many people for that long. It had been a long time. On the second night, he came out guns blazing. I told him, I go, do whatever you want to do. I go, you want to do a minute?

Do a minute. You want to do a half hour? Do a half hour. Just do whatever you want to do. Jesus. We'll be ready. He did seven minutes of fucking red-faced murder.

Red-faced murder. Just fucking screaming. He was bright purple on stage spitting. Killing. Seven minutes? I've never seen him live. I saw him at the main room once. It was wild. It was fucking awesome. I'm going to be on a tour with him. Where did you see him?

I can't wait. I've never seen him. He's a fucking animal, man. He's a fucking animal. Oh, he's not there yet? His fucking ass was out? Yeah, his ass was hanging out right before he goes on stage. It's me behind him filming him, and his ass is completely hanging out. That's for your show.

Motherfuckers. Yeah. That was in Atlantic City. Literally, seven comics were just like, all they could do in their life was to get him back on stage. Yeah. Really? We got him back.

We got him back. We got him back. And we also got him back where he realized we've been working. We're all like, everyone's tight. Hans Kim is tight. That kid is a fucking killer. Really? Hans Kim is a fucking killer. I don't want to tell you his bits.

Dude, I'm telling you that. You're in them all. I'll tell you afterwards, you're going to cry. I don't want to fuck them up. But he's a killer. He was like, kill Tony last time with us. And, you know, Tony's on fire right now. Tony's a beast, dude.

Tony kills. So we're all on this show together. It's a high-pressure show. I saw you and Tony at the Ryman. That must have been. Oh, that was fun. I met you. I don't know what year that was.

I think that was 16 or something. Yeah. Yeah, 2016. I was running around Nashville. I was like, let me pop in on this show, and you guys ripped it. That was a fun place. That was a fun hang, too, right? Like those late night talk till 3 in the morning hangs.

Yes. You know? That was a good fest. As a comic, those fun hangs after a show where you're just hanging out and just talking shit. Because you don't have anywhere to go. I can't leave those. You have a fucking noon flight the next day. Yes, exactly.

Just chill out. You can't leave. It's such a good convo. Sit on the couch. Ari's on another planet. The weed, the booze, and the liquor. We got a tomahawk here. This show's know the plan. I'm having a good time. The weed, the booze, and the liquor. We got a tomahawk here. This is a show off the rails.

No, this isn't a throwing one. This is from The Terminal List, that new Amazon series. This is a jack car tomahawk. Uh-oh. The Chris Pratt character. Hey, that wasn't bad. That's something. That was pretty good.

I was looking for it. That was pretty good. I was looking for it. That was pretty good. Did you see that video of that guy that jumps out of his fucking car with a hatchet and tries to kill the cop? Pull it up. No, fire that up. What? Hatchet? This cop is standing there on the side of the road.

This guy pulls his car next to him, stops the car, and the cop is like, what the fuck is going on? And the cop puts his hand on his gun gun and the guy jumps out with a hatchet and runs at the cop. Watch this. This is so wild. So watch this. Did he scalp him? Look at him. Hey. Sorry. It was a scalp joke. So watch this guy.

So he's sitting here. He's talking to this person he's pulled over and this guy just stops the car. What is this? The guy stops the car, opens the door, shuts the door and then the cop has got his hands on his gun and he jumps out with a fucking hatchet. Oh my god!

Hatchet wound. Where was he headed? He jumped out with a fucking hatchet. But before this guy saw this, he was just out driving. What was he doing? Where was he headed? Did the cop put him down? Yeah.

Hey, crime averted. What a beast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, crime averted. Show the whole video. Show that murder. I'm not showing it on here. Show that murder.

Oh, okay. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, the cop puts him down instantly. But I mean, what if that cop wasn't prepared? What if that cop panicked? Yeah. But he was. That guy jumped out with a hatchet.

We're about to see a murder. Nurse hatchet. What about... Jesus Christ. What about that cop panicked? That guy jumped out with a hatchet. Nurse hatchet. What about everybody hates cops. I feel bad. They gotta deal with that shit. Nobody talks about that kind of shit. Nobody talks about that kind of shit. The guy with the fucking axe.

How wild is that video, man? That's wild. I want to see that fucking put down. Well, Jamie will show it. He'll find it. It's all over Instagram and YouTube. A bunch of people sent it to me. It's wild. Let me see. I want to see that fucking put down. Well, Jamie will show it. He'll find it. Yeah, let's see him get out of it. It's all over Instagram and YouTube. A bunch of people sent it to me. Wow. It's so wild because you, like, imagine that split-second decision. Like, a guy, is that a guy with a hatchet?

I know, right? Is that a guy with a hatchet? Yeah. That guy was white. What the fuck, man? That's such a fucking weird moment in time where a guy with a hatchet has all of a sudden stopped his car and is running at you. Yeah, we bitch about hecklers. That's a whole other level. Is this the full one? I think so. Such a fucking weird moment in time where a guy with a hatchet has all of a sudden stopped his car and is running at you.

Yeah, we bitch about hecklers. That's a whole other level. Is this the full one? I think so. Look at this. He gets up casual. He gets up casual like he's trying to throw it off. Who drives with a backpack on?

Is that a juggalo? Is this a video or is it just... Oh, here it is. Here it goes. No, this is it. I've seen this part. So if they keep it running you'll see the whole thing

who is this guy where is he coming from he's got his hand on his gun he's got his hand on his gun he's like what the fuck is going on and the guy runs out with a hatchet

he's already got it pulled and aimed he's like dude stop show it to me I'm not a baby come on Naperville I want to see it

by the way what a crisp Ford he rolled up in yeah nice focus that thing was clean he pulled over that cop was like wait what there's another recent video he was ready I want to see it. By the way, what a crisp Ford he rolled up in, dude. Yeah. Nice focus. That thing was clean. He pulled over. That cop was like, wait, what?

He was ready. There's another recent video of a guy getting shot, and there's this guy who was fucking with this dude who had a gun. And the guy with the gun was saying, back off. Like, get on the fucking ground. He's like, put your gun down, bitch. Fight like a man. And the guy takes off his shirt, and he comes charging at the guy, and the guy shoots him.

What? Oh, my God. It's crazy. Are you nuts? Are you nuts? Yes. Fight like a man. And the guy takes off his shirt and he comes charging at the guy and the guy shoots him. What? Oh my God. It's crazy. Are you nuts? Are you nuts? Yes. Yeah, for sure he's nuts. Wow.

And for sure, it's the dumbest thing you could ever do with a guy with a gun. But he just- What's in their minds, though, of like, I'm going to show the society? Bro, he might have been on that same mess. All right, keep talking. He might have been on that Hitler mess. Hold on. Let Ari speak.

I'm sorry. Let the boy speak. Do cops box? Do they learn boxing? They don't have to. But jujitsu is the best thing for cops to learn. Yeah. You got to learn that.

Easy, Jew. You got to learn jujitsu. Jitsu. Jujitsu. Hey, hey. Jukeball. Remember this jukeball? Yes, jukeball. Jiu-jitsu. He probablyke claw remember the juke claw yes

juke claw he didn't move after Jews but he was like spell it J-I-U but we all know what it is jujitsu claw

we know the juke claw Eddie Bravo so here it is bang bang bang that guy was like I'm gonna show the oh fuck

well I mean that guy had it coming what a wild neutralize what a wild moment. Who are you, he says. Bang, bang, bang. I mean, what a weird moment in time.

For every time they reach for a hamburger shot, they just got to show one of these. After that, you got to let the ticket guy go. You're like, all right, I was going to give you a speeding ticket, but get out of here. He's like, hey, how long do I got to sit here? Imagine if you're a guy and this is your job. Your job is that you occasionally might get attacked by a dude with a hatchet. What's happening? Imagine being the person getting a, like, my tail right now.

And he's like, wait, oh, my God. Defund the hatchet. By the way, that guy performed perfectly. The way he backed up, good footwork. Yeah. Oh, my God. Excellent execution. Damn.

It's just a crazy situation though. I mean, what the fuck? Who knows the backstory? No one saw that coming. Maybe the backstory is like that's a guy trying to impress his girlfriend. He was fucking that guy's wife. Maybe Jodie Foster needed to get her pussy wet.

Maybe those songs need to be written he was like it's time for me to kill a cop with an axe the universe wanted me to go to jail for 40 years to create these songs Jodie Foster I'm not getting this no the guy Ed Hinckley who shot Reagan he was John he was like this is for Jodie Foster oh did he say that? from Taxi Driver oh I didn't see that Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver what? he was like that this is for Jodie Foster. Oh, did he say that? From Taxi Driver. Oh, I didn't see that. Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver.

What? He was like, that's how I'm defending. He was obsessed with her. Like, killing Reagan. I didn't know that. He was obsessed with her, yeah. Lesbian. Would-be Reagan assassin John Hinckley Jr. apologizes to Jodie Foster for trying to kill the president.

By the way, Hinckley's a real sweetheart. Yeah, the accused. Imagine being Jodie Foster and knowing that that guy's out now. I know, right? You've been sleeping good for 22 years. I wonder if he wrote her a problem and was like, hey, it's over. I'm not going to do this.

I just want you to know I'm for real not doing this. Okay, listen, after a few texts, you haven't responded, but I know this is your number. I verified it. Please look into your heart and give me the last chance, this historical deed, to gain your love and respect. Damn. All the women you're going to pick Jody? That's what she said.

At the time, though, Jody was a fox. 14-year-old Jody? Top Jody. If I was about to shoot a fucking president, I'd be like, yo, who's the hottest 14-year-old? So he was 20? There you are. Hannah Montana. I got you.

Okay, acceptable answer. But you, admit it? For real, can we admit that Hinckley did the right thing? By shooting Reagan? No, that's illegal. It's not the right thing to do something illegal and shoot the president. When it comes to gaining a 14-year-old's respect, you old's respect you got that right how old was she at the time was she really 14 i would do anything for you let me prove it was jody foster 14 no she was a little older by then oh he emailed

rolling stone last year stating i'm now oh shit sorry jam, I'm now... I can't believe you're lying. Come on, dude. That's just bad. He emailed Rolling Stone last year stating, I'm now pursuing a music career. I write country songs mostly, and I've just finished two songs. I'm hoping you'll take an interest in my music career. Get on TikTok. What's that guy? Wow. There you go. Are you stealing my empties?

What if he gets really good? What if he gets really good? What if he gets really good? He's on the way. What if he gets out of jail and gets his shit together and then all of a sudden starts killing it? And the songs, you actually hear it on the radio and you're like, fuck, this is good. It's going to happen. Now here's a question. When was the last time you listened to radio?

All the time. Really? Every time I get a rent-a-car. Uber drivers. Really? Rent-a-car. If I have one chance. Just to see what it's like in the town?

Just flip, see what it hits you with. Okay. It's actually nice. I like this. It's nice. I like it. No playlist. Just like, let me see.

Christian music. Christian radio. And they have good sound now, right? Radio has good sound now, right? No. Don't they have some HD sound? It's all shit. Yeah, it's all real.

But it's the same as when you change channels on a TV. You're like, hey, Shawshank's on. It's exciting. When you're in a hotel and you have to watch the movie. Exactly. This is the best movie of all time. It's nice. But here's the question. Is radio used to be a bad version of the song? What do you guys go to

when you're driving in a wrestle car? What do you guys go to? Isn't it sound quality? Yeah, it's great. No, no, no. He's Israel are you guys going to do? He's not even listening to me. Isn't it a sound quality? Yeah, it's great. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's Israel. But is it as good? It's fine.

It's totally fine. But when you're playing radio in the car, what do you go to? What do you go like, oh, this stops me. Classic rock. Harder than it looks, right? Hip hop. You drink these many Bud Lights. He's belligerent.

Everybody's sitting around being like, I could drink that many. I know. Here's a pedestrian trying. You're a warrior. He's so belligerent. I hope you're not a moil. You're going to cut the wrong dick. If you're this drunk, you're going to cut the whole thing off. By the way, you can't win this bet.

No way. I'm going to make sure you can't win. I was ready to quit at four. I'm impressed, though. Listen to your voice, please. You're 10. I was ready to quit at four. I can't do this. Quit to your voice, please. You're 10. I was ready to quit at four. Quit now.

I can't do this. Quit now. You can't talk. You sound like Harvey Weinstein now. He can talk so good with all that booze in his system. That's what's crazy. Yeah, I weighs around 10 pounds at least. What was that?

Fat? No. Was that a fat joke? 10 pounds. He said 10 pounds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. I knew you were going to get nasty. Shane, don't be what you hate in other people.

Oh, Joe. Don't be Asians. Shut up. Shut up. For real, my favorite, one of my buddies hit me up and was like, the first time you did Rogan, I was like, Joe, is that funny? Literally, the next time I heard it, I was like, is that funny literally the next time I was like shut the fuck up thank God thank God you know I imagine being a place where no one tells you shut the

fuck up that's a scary place scary place for a lot of these guys you're close bro well you must see it with other queefs out there who just blow you you just gotta keep doing comedy. Yeah. Keep doing stand-up. I gotta be honest, Seinfeld, I was in with him, and I think I got too queefy, and I think he bailed. No. Oh, really? Yeah. You wanna say that on this? You broke up your relationship?

Yeah. It's the worst thing to be a fan to some comic. Good choice. What happened? What'd you do wrong? I think I just texted him too much, and I was too complimentary, and he would hit me with shit, and I was like, I agree, but he wanted me to not agree, and I think I just texted him too much, and I was too complimentary. Oh, you got weird. He would hit me with shit, and I was like, I agree. But he wanted me to not agree. Yeah.

And I think I got too... You got nervous. Yeah, it's like a supermodel. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard when you meet people that you super, super admire. Yeah.

And become friends with them. I had an issue with that with Bourdain. I felt really guilty. Really? Yeah. When I met him, I really said this to him. You should kill yourself. I said, hey man, really nice to meet you. My wife says

you're my boyfriend. What a fucking dork! What a fucking dork! I would always watch No Reservations. And my wife is like, oh, you're watching your boyfriend? She thought it was funny. Oh, no wonder he ended it.

No, no, that's how I became friends with him. You want to hear a rough one? He was cool. He could handle my fuck up, my dorkiness. You want to hear a rough one? This week. He was nice. He was great.

This is a rough one. Okay, go ahead. This is a rough one. This week, Jack Harlow, the rapper, DM'd me on Instagram. He was like, you're hilarious. And I was like... Yeah. I panicked.

I love Jack Harlow. Jack Harlow's the shit. I was like, just so you know, I screenshot this and sent this to my girlfriend. Like, this is a cool thing. Come on! No, hold on. Thank Christ for fucking unsend on Instagram. Yeah.

I had 15 minutes to unsend it. Really? Is that a thing? Yeah, you can unsend. I didn't know that. Yeah, unsend. Boys, boys, all those DMs to those girls, unsend. Unsend, fellas.

Can you pull back a dick pic from time and space? Yeah, you could. You could. Whoa. What if they make a screenshot? What if they're on their phone 24-7 with notifications on? Then it's too late. And they get a screenshot.

Dude, I was- Ari, you're the last person to worry about your dick being out there. I saw that podcast you did the other day where you took your dick out, you took your shirt off, then you pulled your dick out and you sat down in front of- Did you continue the podcast with your dick out? The entire podcast. Two hours. Two hours. Two hours. With your dick out, you took your shirt off, then you pulled your dick out and you sat down in front of... Did you continue the podcast with your dick out? Entire podcast. Two hours. Two hours.

With your dick out. Yeah. He took his pants off. He wronged me. He's got a great dick. I think HR wants to have a conversation with you. Yeah, I would... Dude, you ever see that sculpture of Donald Trump?

They put it in fucking Central Park. Tiny dick. For real, that's my body. What is this? There's a sculpture in Central Park? What are you talking about? I was like, that's actually not that bad. Like a joky? A jokey sculpture about his body?

Tiny penis and a fat guy. No, let me say. That was a big thing. Yeah, pull it up. Oh my god, that's hilarious. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Oh my God, that is hilarious. It is so funny. It's so funny that the people that want you to accept other people's bodies. Is that Gerard behind him?

Body shaming. Will body shame this guy when convenient? That's how it goes. Come on, that is really kind of crazy. Because you're not really about being kind and compassionate. You're only about being kind and compassionate

with people that agree with you. If people disagree with you or if you think of them as an existential threat, it's not saying that you shouldn't think of Trump as an existential threat. That's not what I'm saying. But I'm saying when you think of that person as a threat, you

conveniently abandon all your values. All humility, all humanity, all kindness, all compassion. You just attack him for having a little dick. That's the one thing that you can't control over almost anything. It's the base value system. can't control over almost anything. It's the base value system.

Like, ha, you suck. Your body sucks. Look at that. This guy's holding his finger there. Yuck, yuck, yuck. He doesn't believe that. So funny. But he does believe that.

That's a funny joke. Meanwhile, I bet Trump has a regular dick. If you had to guess. Stormy Daniels was our dick. Stormy Daniels said it was a bell. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells. Bells with it. Stormy Daniels said it was a bell. A bell. A bell. Bells palsy. He had a stroke.

It's the booster. Middle of a punchline. There you go. Yeah, Trump's fat. Everybody's fat now. But he's so, he has so much energy. I think he's on like a fraction of what Hitler was on. You should have known. That was on. Just a little.

That was great. We got it evened out. Wait, let's say Mussolini and Mao. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mussolini and then Hitler. Bring it up. Let's go Mussolini first. Let's go Mussolini first.

Popolo e la laboriosa brianza. Holy crap. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Shut the fuck up. Jamie, you know what's going to be better? It's where Brooklyn at, Hitler, Mussolini. What? I mean, it was one of the oldest videos, so it's probably not funny now.

But if you type in where Brooklyn at, it's the Biggie Tupac freestyle. You'll see. It used to be funny. Couldn't we just watch what we were watching? I thought we were watching Mussolini. I promised you that stuff. But I wanted to see it. Hitler versus Mussolini freestyle.

Okay, let's see it. This would be a lot better. What are you going to do? Just let it play out. All right. He's not as good as Hitler. You guys are going to be bummed when you find out I was right. No, we're going to go to that ass towards knucklehead.

Relax. There you call me a knucklehead, dude. Call me a fucking knucklehead, dude. Knucklehead. He's going to get to his cazzi moment....... ... ... Back then, they were probably just freaked out that someone could get their voice amplified.

Right. For real? Yeah. Right? How are we hearing them? It's far away. You know how wild that must have been? You have to really stop and think about that. Well, what year are we in? 40 in? This is the 40s, right? It's probably the 20s.

Maybe 30s. 20s? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of these clips said he was the first non-American talking movie picture. Oh, so this is way earlier. I don't know exactly the year. Okay. So let's go to Hitler.

Toss him on the face. This is basically a fully loaded set, right? It's outdoors. Hitler's the Toss him on the face down, bro. Let's go to Hitler. This is basically a fully loaded set, right? Let's see Hitler. It's outdoors. Hitler's the best one. He's the goat. No question. He's the goat.

He's the goat. He's the goat. He's the goat. He's the goat. He's the goat. Out of all of the horrible human beings that have given evil speeches, he's the goat. You can't... He's the fucking Timmy Banks.

Does this... Because he's the first guy like this... You gotta respect the GOAT. You can't come. He's the fucking Timmy Banks. Does this, because he's the first guy like this. You got to respect the art form. He's the first guy like this that has been amplified. This is what we're saying. Look at everybody. It's like Kroger Buggin. Guys, this is the first guy like this that's been amplified. I think that has a giant factor in it.

If you think about what he took people into doing. He's trying to get out of there. Can he do it? He's like, I see where this is going. I think that has a giant factor in it. If you think about what he took people into doing, he's trying to get out of there. He's like, I see where this is going. I'm running. Props to the one dude out there like You never hear about that guy. It's weird. But Jamie, there's some other speeches of Hitler too, right? I know, I was just trying to find one. Hang on the rooftop. Let's find one more

where there's some ones that are crazy dynamic. We're Brooklynette. I'll go with that. By the way. Fire at where Brooklynette. Out of evil people. Yeah, yeah. Okay, is this it?

Who's this? Oh, we have a bomb! What the fuck? Now he's bringing up Hitler. We're Brooklynette! We're Brooklynette! I don't know. Oh my God.

Shane, you son of a bitch. You're as old as a cat, Shane. Keep going. That's fun. That's fun. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This is amazing. Wow. Wait, wait, wait, wait for Muzli. It's a good set. Oh my god, it's incredible. How are they going to end it? Wow. That's incredible. I want you to imagine for a moment a world where Biggie and Tupac never have a feud. And they just link up and are fun alive with each other and and and promote each other yeah well tell each other about how great each other is that's one good thing imagine

a world like that did you watch the documentary on biggie no it's fun because he's like why are we fighting i don't get it but it's just such a east coast west coast thing and there was no internet there was no connection it always seemed like Biggie was the softer one. Super fat and soft. But you're not going to art school. So did Hitler. You ever see the video of Biggie on the corner at like 17?

Biggie standing on the corner at 17? Pull that up. It's one of the greatest videos of any performer. If you think about performers, like raw, unedited, give me this. Let me hear this. Bed-Stuy. I lived there for a minute.

17. Look at that, rocking the polo. It's just a fat guy. But how good is this fucking flow? They're just like Schultz now. Killing on the corner. I will say this. Come on, man.

Listen to this. Nothing better than killing as a fat person. Yeah. For real. But listen to how good his fucking flow is. Seven million views. Less than the whole cost. No more. True.

That's what I meant. Yeah. We're having fun. Yeah. But it's so good. This is before TikTok. The writing is so good. He's an unknown.

He's completely unknown. He's 17. He's on a street corner. It's so good. This is before TikTok. The writing is so good. He's an unknown. He's completely unknown. He's 17. He's on a street corner. It's some guy. He's in front of a grocery store. And he's smashing on a corner. Smashing. Smashing.

Biggie does rule. He rules. Have you seen those Jews partying videos where they re-dub it? What? No. It's just Jews partying. No. Hold on.

Hold on. I've shouted them out. I've shouted them out. Egg Tyrone, dude. Egg Tyrone. Let, hold on. Hold on. I've shouted them out. I've shouted them out. Eggs Tyrone, dude. Eggs Tyrone. Let's see it. I've shouted them out. Last time we were on, I shouted out Eggs Tyrone.

Are you saying eggs or eggs? Eggs. Eggs. Like an egg, like a chicken? Eggs Tyrone, bro. I've heard of that guy. I've seen some of his videos. Barstool just reposted them and didn't credit them.

They should credit them. Portnoy's a Jew. I've seen that. Portnoy is a Jew. No one seen that. Portnoy is a Jew. Let's see it. It's just Jews parting to techno music. It was techno. Eggs put the fucking...

No, no, that one! Goat. Pretty sure that's a Jew with downs. You don't see that. Now what would be the real song, Ari? It was Techno. No, Ex Tyrone.

So, is this real dancing? No! Yeah, it's real dancing. But this is not to this song? No. Okay, Ari, what song would they be dancing to? Habanagia. Habanagia. What about Yanis Mahou or whatever? Okay, alright, what song would they be dancing to? What about Yanis Mahou or whatever?

For real, you play any of these, they rule. Wait a minute. Isn't that not... Why is she wearing a burka? Because she... Do you not understand what's happening here? He just remixes this crazy shit and it matches. These people are not dancing to these songs. They're dancing to completely different songs.

Beats are beats. I just got it. From the low tables. Mark Norman, slow on the tape. Here we go. Sorry about the drinking. You would, yeah. Three, five, now.

Coward. But Ari, I'm curious as to what do you think that song was that the guys were dancing to? Some fucking song. Some fucking Jew song. Some... It's one of the Jew songs. No, no, no. How about a Gila or that?

He's getting after it, though. That guy looks like he's really feeling it. No, no, no. The Hawks of Falaka loves it. Get the one in the back of the bus. That's the best one. Alright, listen boys. I have to piss, so I'm going to leave for a moment. I take no responsibility

for anything from this point until I return to the country. It's all on you guys. That guy actually does play techno. Go to the back of the bus. The one in the back of the bus. The Jews in the back of the bus was the best one. You're thinking of Rosa Parkstein.

Yes, that's what I was going to say. This channel or the other one? You got them but didn't. Hey. All right. End word. All right. Just Google Jews back of the bus.

Mark, dude, that's not cool. Mark. Don't scare me. A line was crossed. Mark, even joking about it's not cool. Yeah. All right. It's just the three of us. How do you think you're doing, dude?

Oh, goodbye. I'm not Shane Secret Podcast. I'm a fucking patron. We're very drunk podcast. Oh, my God. Wow, you're fucking belligerent. I got nothing. You stink.

We might be drunk. Tuesdays with stories. Out to lunch. Shane Gillis on YouTube. It doesn't matter, dude. Secret Shane pod anal. Finish my tour. Barbit pod anal. Finish my tour. Barbitzfa.

Finish my tour. Guys, guys. Chill the fuck out. Can you hand me the water? I haven't had any water in about six months. Hand me the water there, will you, there Jew face? Hey. Harry.

Harry, how are you doing? Jamie. Where are we at right now? A lot of people joke around, say, Bud Light? That's not that much. Where are we at? Boy, oh boy. Where are we at right now? A lot of people joke around and say, Bud Light? That's not that much. Where are we at? Boy, oh boy. Where are we at, though? Does it catch up to you? Five. Ten. Hold on.

Fourteen. I'm hurting. I'm hurting. I can feel it. We got a show tonight. We're doing Kill Tony. Oh, Kill Tony. By the way. That's gonna get ugly. Tony Hinchcliffe. What a gay guy that I should hate. Turns out he does kind of rule.

Kills on stage. Boy, oh boy, does that guy kill. Hell of a car. That car stinks. That car bothers me. He was like, Shane, do you want to look at my Corvette? They were like, check this out. I can start it from far away.

Yeah, he's like, I can start it from here in the green room. I'm like, dude, you're a dork. You're a dork. Yo, he's a dork, but man, that motherfucker kills, dude. He's a dork. He does well on stage. That's all I care about. We were just talking about Tony.

I was listening. I was listening. I've never heard anybody do a better Tony Hinchcliffe impression. Give me another one. Give me another one. It's got to do a game from the 60s. Tell me about the Corvette. Hold on.

First of all, this is how Tony talks to me every day. He's like, you know, New York's not great. The faith scene in Austin is the best in the world. You get it? You like Dave Attell. That was actually the best in the world. You like Dave Attell. That was actually the best joke he's not ever had. The shoes? That joke fucking killed, bro. Good joke.

Because that roast, Lewis's roast, ooh, I went in on him a little bit. Yeah, you went hard. I didn't know it was mean. You went hard. It was mean. He went hard. It was real mean. Shane went hard. I was watching that it was mean. You went hard. It was mean. He went hard. It was real mean.

Shane went hard. I always watch that in a hotel like, damn. Jesus, Shane. How could you have any idea what the fuck you're saying when you're 15 beers deep? Right now? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. You're 16 beers. You guys started this podcast two hours in and then put the first two hours

Why did you say slurry McFuckstick? You got to start. Listen to slurry McFuckstick over there. I'm doing it right now. You got to start starting these podcasts two hours in. It's hard to talk. You sound like Bieber's half-face. Put the first two hours on the back.

It is hard to talk when you drink a little. Palsy? First two hours on the back. It is hard to talk when you drink a little. Palsy? First two hours on the back. Yeah, brilliant. Write it down. Read somebody. Rewind, dude. I didn't speak for the first 45 minutes.

I noticed. It's good to have you on the pod. Yeah, bro. It's good to have you. Shut up, Mark. You bitch. Can I just say while I'm drunk and high, I'm so happy we do these. Yeah!

They make me so happy. Because they're so wild. This is like this is what we would really do. If you allowed us to do whatever we'd want to talk shit, this is what we'd do. This is exactly how we'd do it. We'd get high, we'd get drunk, we'd talk shit. Hell yeah. This is guys talking get drunk. We talk shit. Oh, yeah

This guy's talking to shaking things up what we used to do. It's what people used to do It was fun Michael J. Fox, but you know should be able to do it in this day and age How dare you sorry I like MJF. He's a great guy great guy cute little back-to-future alive He's still going still going yeah a lot of people have tapped out you told me he was he was dead two years ago but wait I missed it a lot of that people are dying you just go how about that Betty White died great two years ago yeah oh shit great you didn't fucking good bro good he's sleeping at the mic.

No, that's pretty good. He's hugging it like a dick. I'm telling you, he's fucking competitive. I wanted to get to half. What a stupid psycho. You definitely got half. We would gamble a little bit with Ari, and I would give him a certain amount of balls.

I had to make the nine ball, but he could make the seven, eight, or the nine. Yeah, and he would win a lot. Not wild. Seven, eight, nine, not wild. Yeah, it's a lot of balls. I'll never forget the first time I did this podcast, and you and me played pool after. Oh, that's a power move. He rocked me in pool.

Rocks you. He doesn't go like, hey, I'm in pool. He's like, let me make sure you're okay. He's like, no, no, I'm going to try to get more. And I was like, you. Bro, I was literally, there was a moment I was like, which one should I aim for? And he was like, it's a competitive game. I was like, yo, you're a monster.

Yeah, you're competitive. And then he left and I was just like, what the fuck did I do on that last one? How about with the antibodies? He's like, look at my antibodies. That was my favorite thing. Nobody's got it better than Jamie, though. I tapped Jamie.

Really? By the way. To this day, they're like a fat Sharpie line. Whoa. He's got great. I'm not kidding. Oh, my God. He's got like superhuman antibodies.

What's up, bro? What's up, bro? You got to understand this. But let me put it in perspective. He's expriding it. Jamie got COVID in October of 2020. Jamie got COVID once in October of 2020. And

Jamie, for whatever reason, retains these wild antibodies. And he keeps getting a new line like he fought it off. But he never gets sick. Like he keeps fucking Chinese chicks. Jesus Christ. I've been drinking. You know what's funny?

I don't think fucking is enough anymore. I think they recommend other activity. Ass eating. Yeah, well, fecal matter has been implanted into other folks, and it improves your gut biome. So there's that. Ah. Eat fecal matter?

No, not eating it. They usually use it like a suppository. They stuff it up your butt. By the way, I used to wet the bed. I think. No, I'm wrong. No, no, no. Stuff shit up your butt. By the way, I used to wet the bed. I think. No, I'm wrong. Stuff shit up your butt? I think that should take pills. Hold on, you wet the bed?

I used to wet the bed as a kid. I was wrong. And my dad is so scary in old school that he's like, you're not peeing for hours. I'm going to hold a stopwatch. I haven't peed, by the way. I haven't peed. I got a bladder like an old camel. True. Yeah. I already look like a camel.

That's because he had four drinks, dude. Fecal transplantation. I'm putting down whiskeys. This is my fifth brother. And I shuck on two beers. Look at the ounces. This is more alcohol. But he's a normal person size.

You're bigger, and Ari is just an animal. But look at this, what it says. Fecal transplantation is the transfer of stool from a healthy donor into the gastrointestinal tract for the purpose of treating recurrent C. diviculi colitis. I had a virus. Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going with that booze bottle?

Don't piss in the bottle. Don't piss in the bottle, you son of a bitch. He's going to recycle that, Jew. He always pisses in the bottle. You know what's nice? Tell him to go to the bathroom. We knew this was going to happen. You can't hear you, but he's not going to.

He can hear us in the bathroom. Isn't it fun? He's going to stuff his dick in that bottle. We knew he was going to die. Oh, he's done. That was my favorite. Well, Shane, that's not fair. For real, we were walking, and he was like, when we were walking to the barbecue place,

he was like, I'll drink as many as you tomorrow. And I was like. That's so crazy to say. Yeah, you got it. Okay. That's so crazy to say. I was going to take it easy. Because this is, you know.

He's going to go to an old folks home and die with Cuomo. But you took 10 years off his life tonight. That's pretty funny. He really did. And then we got to go do another show. Do you know how he's struggling with words? He's like in a wrestling match with his lips.

So not fair. It's like if I pulled him aside and told him that he could do this, I would be a real piece of shit. Imagine if I'm like, dude, you can do it. I know you. Imagine? be a real piece of shit. Imagine if I'm like, dude, you can do it. I know you. Imagine? But you just let him try. You let him try. You're a bad

friend. You should have told him. I'm a bad friend? An enabler. You should have said, Ari, I love you. I love you. This is not an ego thing. Let's let it go. I mean, I'm impressed that he's done this much. This is crazy. Impressive? That's liver damage. That's crazy. Well, for him, he's 78. You know, this is good. He's back. He's on social security. He's back. Uh- him, he's 78. You know, this is good.

He's back. He's on Social Security. He's back. Uh-oh, he's back. You didn't even pee. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. He pissed in that bottle. Nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16.

Is it like a... You can't keep piss, right? It'll smell horrible. You can't store it somewhere. You look like the bad guy in the Smurfs. Please don't tell me you took a bottle of your piss and stuffed it into the cabinet. It's out there. Where is it?

It's right outside. I'm sorry. Why'd you take the bottle? Why'd you pee in that bottle? Why didn't you just go to the bathroom? I don't know. I got more if you need it. I don't know! From now on, do me a favor and just go to the bathroom. Fair enough. Did you piss on the floor a little bit? No. Not even a dribble? That'll suck. Did you piss on the floor a little bit? No. Come on.

Not even a dribble? Not all stuff. Did you blot it on your pants? Not at all. How'd you stop your stream? I don't buy it. Full piss. I love that this podcast started out with like, woke culture's got to swing, right?

Jamie's going to sniff the carpet. Jamie's like a fucking bloodhound. He's out there sniffing. He's got a jug of piss. It's a jug of a half-sized bottle of Buffalo Trace filled with piss. It was a lot. What is wrong with you? And it's a big-ass bottle.

That was a giant bottle. Big bottle. Jesus, Ari. It was for the... That's not necessary as a grown adult. Come on. You pay taxes. You're respectable.

You pay taxes. What was respectable. You pay taxes. What was I talking about before? Yeah, we're crazy. Why use a bathroom? Why you're at your friend's studio? Why just piss in a bottle? I don't know where I am. I thought this was Marin.

You're sober as a judge. No, no. You've watched me put the BT. You coward. And I've done two shotguns. Ari's sleeping. Ari's dead, bro. Ari's dead.

Ari's dead. He was chasing that five grand. Yeah, they're going to get you another lever, Ari. You hang in there. You're chasing it, boy. The liver's very resilient. Yeah. Yeah, your liver is like Hiroshima right now, son.

Oh, yeah. Your liver's getting bom're getting bombed on like Dracau As it even while drunk yeah, what is this? I'm selling your dick to the highest bidder. What the fuck? What? What do you think? You're in a low security place? Oh, that's some fucking...

Don't you see all the train killers running around this place? What's that guy's name who got busted on ET television? What? Pat, Pat, Pat. What? Why are you guys recording? Why are you pissing in my hallway is a better question what the fuck are you talking about

why are you recording in the hallway when I could piss there you don't piss because you never know who's coming to the fucking hallway Ari you don't think someone's gonna be pissing out there your behavior's not normal it's not against the law.

It's not against the law. You can't record somebody. They're security cameras. That's your Ray Rice video. It's the hallway in my place of work, not the place where you piss. What are you guys recording? That was so quick, dude. Obviously you pissed in the hallway.

Why do you have foreskin? Didn't you make a covenant with God, dude. Obviously you pissed in the hallway. Why do you have foreskin? Didn't you make a covenant with God, dude? I know. What the fuck? He wasn't ready. I saw your dick. He was noncommittal. What's that guy's name?

Pat something. He was on E or A and E or E.T. What happened? He went drunk and he did like a Mel Gibson. Give it a gook there, J-Lo. By the way, props to Mel Gibson. Pat Roberts. Oh, oh, oh.

Pat Buchanan. Pat O'Reilly. Oh, close. Pat O'Reilly, maybe. Irish motherfucker. Hold on. There's a video of him. Pat O'Brien.

Pat O'Brien. Maybe we shouldn't all drink on these. Yeah, we'll probably not play that. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, I guess... It's public. Did he call somebody and leave a message? Yeah, and he was just hammered.

He had a real problem, and that's what Ari... Look at Ari. He's out to lunch. Oh, my gosh. Imagine thinking... You're praying a lot. Imagine thinking that he could keep up with you. And he smoked weed, though.

The weed is what got him. But here's what's really crazy, Shane, is your ability to just power through with perfect elocution. Thank you. We got to get Ari to a bathroom before he pukes. You can't imagine he didn't smoke weed, though. He didn't even smoke weed. Hey, don't wrap the mic like that. No one can understand what you're saying.

He didn't even smoke weed. Ari all of a sudden even smoke weed. Hey, don't wrap the mic like that. No one can understand what you're saying. He didn't even smoke weed. All of a sudden he becomes a rapper. Don't act like it's nothing. Don't ruin the JRE experience, dude. Wow, he's going to keep drinking. Interesting. So much for my theory about European Jews. I thought you guys were tough.

Tough as hell, dude. What the hell, man? But it was the intelligence. There was water there. You could do water and pace yourself. You could still go if you drink water. You can keep going. But if you have to throw up.

All the 14, 15, 16-year-olds out there, you got to coast. Epstein's Island. Shout out to all the 15-year-olds. Shout out to 15-year-olds. Kevin Spacey. The one thing we want to teach you is you're drinking, you got to coast. You're already feeling buzzed. All the 15-year-olds. Kevin Spacey. The one thing I want to teach you is you're drinking, you got to coast. You're already feeling buzzed. Drink water.

Play R. Kelly. Get some R. Kelly. I'm telling you, coast. I believe I can. I feel like we should all snap at that. Sage words from R.E. Shapiro. I don't know if you guys know this. I didn't know it.

The last one we did, they were like, I don't know if you guys know this. You guys't know it. The last one we did, they were like, I don't know if you guys know this, you guys did R. Kelly last time. Yeah. Oh. That's embarrassing. What do you mean? It is embarrassing. When we get together we talk about the same shit. I don't give a fuck. Hey, hey, listen, listen, listen. Hey, listen!

He brings up elk every week. Don't read anything. Don't listen. Twice we talk about elk. Oh, I do. This is the greatest thing I do. I've done a lot of shit. This is the greatest thing I do. Post and ghost. Post and ghost.

Here we go. Real talk. Jamie. Wait. We're going to keep going. No. We're going to keep going. He's farting into the microphone.

I'm just going to be real, man. I'm just going to be real. Listen to me. Who gives a fuck? I'm doing this for the fans that I know. No one gives a fuck. This is better. It's better to talk about the same shit. It's better to talk about

whatever the fuck you want to talk about when you're talking about it. Whether that's something you already brought up or not. Who fucking cares? This is one of the greatest music videos of all time. Real talk. We make this a regular part of this motherfucking

podcast. Then so be it. Every time we get fucked up, we're like, yo, play R. Kelly. Yo, play it. Robert Kelly. What if I'm trying to establish with you? What's right? What's wrong?

Don't play this again. Shut the fuck up, Norman. We got to mix it up. We got to mix it up. Listen to this. Listen to this. Hold on, please. Oh, we've heard it.

It's pretty funny. Give me that Baroca. Don't hate on the timing, bro. The timing was amazing. Oh, boy. I know you've heard it before, Mark Norman, but you gotta... We gotta mix it up. Yeah, occasionally.

But sometimes not. No, it's nice. It's nice that every single time we get hammered, we go back to fucking... To R. Kelly. We're like, yo, fire up R. Kelly. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine what it was like before people were filming.

Imagine how decadent people were back in, like, the old Shakespearean play days. Better time. Nothing was recorded. Like, Sinatra was just doing crazy shit. He was hitting women and all this stuff, and he never got in trouble. What are you showing us, Jamie? Draft in the closet. Oh!

Don't do it! Don't do the midges! Don't do it, Jamie! Don't you fucking do it! Don't do it, Jamie! How does Jamie do it? Jamie! That guy's dead.

Jamie's hammered it. I know. What a bummer, man. I know. That's a chick from... Great actor. It's always sunny. Great actor.

No, it's not. Is she? Is that Artemis? Wait a minute. Here we go. This still holds up. Oh. Look at the cabin.

No space fits. Look at the cabin. No space bits. It's nuts. It's nutty. How is that thing? And it goes away. Oh, God.

Oh, they held it for the next one? I didn't know that. I wish he wasn't a sex criminal. It's a shame. Hold on. He's a brilliant man. That's just so crazy. He's an artist.

He's an artist. He does what he wants. It's just so crazy. He's an artist. He's an artist. He does what he wants. It's like parody without knowing that you're making a parody. Yes, exactly. There's something genius about it. Is that? There's something. But do you think he knew that it was funny? No.

That's why it's so good. You don't think so? He doesn't know. I mean, there's a little comedy. Is that Bushwick Bill or not? No. We did that already. This is all all reruns i can't remember anything rerun that's well you had 85 beers fair one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen

beers i'm impressed that is insane good for you, man. At your age and you're- Please stop because you're going to have to throw up. I will stop. Puke on the show. Yeah, don't try to keep up with this fucking animal. This guy doesn't even lose his ability to form sentences. He's fine. He's got a problem.

He's fine. He's like, I've had a couple shots. Does he have a problem or do we have a problem? No, he has no problem. He's really fine. Like if a guy's running marathons and we run around the block and we get tired- Yeah, who have a problem or do we have a problem no he has no problem like if a guy's running marathons and we like run around the block and we get tired yeah who has a problem who has a problem the guy who had done run marathons the marathon guy seems like he's fine but if he if he doesn't drink a bud light every every four hours i think he might crumble but he

seems fine all right he's fine then you can't say. You can't say these rules apply to normal people. Yeah, here's the thing. Not to him, not to Burt. Here's the thing. He's really fucking funny. Yeah. Like that guy, we did Irvine, the improv together. It was the first time I worked with him.

I saw him do a long set. He's fucking funny. He made me laugh. He made me laugh hard. If that's what it takes. At the cellar. Stephen King made his best shit when he was smoking cigarettes and doing coke. Who? Stephen King.

Oh, yeah, that's right. His best shit. He was getting hammered. At the cellar, when everyone's just like equal, next person, next person, he's... Rush. He's an animal. He's a killer. He's an animal.

Great comic. We had him at the Vulcan. Well, you guys were all there. He's a fucking animal. How does Will Smith feel now, though? How does he feel now? Can you imagine Will Smith after all this? How does he feel?

Terrible. He betrayed him. He's like, I shouldn't have done it. A hundred percent. I think there's articles that he was talking to Samuel Jackson backstage saying that he couldn't believe he did it right after he did it. Really? Yeah. It's like he just, he lost his shit, man.

He's fucking some chick. He's fucking some chick. That's his wife. I gotta do it. He's been married for. He's fucking some chick, and he's like, I got to do it. He's married for years. But how do you deal with that later? We've all been yelled at online and had that, and that hurts. It hurts your feelings.

I think there's a danger to being that popular. There's a real danger to having that much charm and all these people love you, and you feel like you can almost get away with anything. And then you add that to whatever complications that relationship brings, and you get this weird combination. Also, Chris Rock had a history of very mild but hilarious jokes about Jada. Very mild. Very mild.

It's like, shut up. Who cares? That's not a reason. Look how belligerent he is. It's not a reason. It's not a reason. No, no, no. I'm definitely not saying it's a reason. Look how belligerent he is. It's not a reason. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, I'm definitely not saying it's a reason. It might be a reason for action.

It's not a justified reason. Right. But there was obviously some sort of a conversation because Will Smith laughed and Jada Pinkett did not and she looked at him and then he went on stage. He made like this split second decision. So I just like feel decision. He's a bitch defending his fucking dumb cunt. That was Ari Shafir

and he is under the influence of drugs and just like he's not willing to consent to sex, he's not willing to consent to these words. Oh, fuck. She's a dumb fucking cunt. Unhappy. I gotta go slap this dumb guy who's way weaker than me because my dumb fucking bitch is unhappy.

You're like my dad in a soccer game. He's going to keep going. He's 15 drinks in. He's going to keep going. A lot of guys think they can drink Bud Light. Look at this guy. A lot of guys sit around. How are you so good?

He's fake Sinatra right now. A lot of guys sit around and go, man, Bud Light, what's that, water? Ooh-wee. You find out. Well, he had whiskey, too, man. No, not enough. Oh, okay. But weed!

He had weed. He had weed. What are you at, 17, 16? I can't count. I'm seeing double. But Will Smith, we've all had a drunk night where you go, oh, what did I say? I don't think he was drunk, man. I know, I'm just saying.

I think he just blew a fuse and didn't, you know, sometimes you just imagine being a guy who's going there to win the fucking Academy Award and you think you're untouchable. But the after effect. Oh my God. We've all had a drunk night where you're like, I texted that? Oh shit, I fucking suck, I hate myself. It must be horrendous. It's gotta be horrendous.

Horrendous. But I think that if he just admits that and talks about it in a really open and honest way, people will embrace that and forgive him. Just say it. Say you're sorry. Say it was wrong. Way wrong. They'll connect with him as a human.

Yes. Because that was like a human moment. It was a human moment. Totally. It's a weird place to be, to be a guy like Will Smith, and to have the gall to go on stage and smack one of the greatest comics ever, and then just sit down and then say, leave my wife's name out of your fucking mouth.

That's crazy. Crazy. He clearly blew a fuse. And his interface where he connected with the way the world looks at him was way off. Way off. Way off. That was a crazy thing to do. That was so insane.

Yeah. And now the Elijah whatever guy, the Chappelle Tackle guy, he's in jail. Yeah, well, he tried to murder his roommate. That's right. Yeah, in December. A separate thing? Yeah, separate thing. What a fucking idiot.

I know. Well, he was a problem. Just move out. Maybe you should fucking move out. Have you ever had a roommate that was like, fuck you. No, fuck you. Just put your shit back over there. I'm not doing it for you.

Roommates suck. Awesome. They could be awesome, though. They can be. Some guys get it. But the problem is when they're awesome you ain't getting shit done if you live in a house full of dudes and you're all having a good time

you're not getting a god damn thing done I lived in a house with five guys in college we had a poker night every Monday we had a hot tub it was fucking awesome but nobody did shit those years fly by those years fly by Those years fly by If you've got a thing you're trying to do

They're great, don't get me wrong But if you have a thing you're trying to do Like comedy or something like that And you live in a house where it's really fun It's hard It's hard to be disciplined I'm more of a disciplined guy myself I'm a big disciplined

Ari, you're a big discipline guy. Well, he's disciplined himself into 15 beers. Push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups. All day, every day, you get massive gains. Are you a fan of creatine or do you just like to eat kosher? Dude, you're unfocusing yourself for massive gains. Holy shit. This is the only time Ari has ever been drunk publicly publicly by the way finally this hammered publicly almost you know I'm more of a dirty ball guy myself I like it you barely miss

that camera yeah all right I'm big a big dirty bulk guy, dude. Dirty bulk? Shane's getting jacked, son. Jacked. Shane gets more eloquent as he drinks beer. His standard is nine. So anything above or below nine is like, what's the difference? 16 is less than zero below nine. Right now, Michael Lair is making fun of the way you talk.

Who? Michael Lair, the goat. The goat. You'll see him tonight, dude. That guy's got talk. Who? Yo. Mugler, the goat. The goat. The goat. You'll see him tonight, dude. That guy's got courage. Who's that? You're talking courage?

Where's your goat? In the rascal? Yep, he's hilarious. He's funny. He's got Lou Gehrig's, right? Tell me one more. Funny motherfucker. Someone in a wheelchair who's funnier than him.

Stephen Hawking. Ah! He cheated on his wife. Not funny. Stephen Hawking did? Did he? Yes! No. Pull it up!

Well, he definitely liked ladies Which is fascinating You know who explained that to me? Eric Weinstein He said there's people who can't move their body But they still get aroused And then there's people who don't feel anything And he couldn't move his body

But he still got aroused My girlfriend feels nothing But wait, pull up the hockey, man. He cheated on his wife. Girlfriend? Hey, I want to ask you something about that little BMW you have. I love that fucking car. Is that a 2002?

02, 1973. It runs like a fucking champ. It's such a beautiful little car. Shout out to the two dudes who didn't drink today. I drank. I've been drinking. I love cars, man. I've been wanting to talk to Norman about this ever since I saw his Instagram pictures. I should have brought it up. I've been drinking. I love cars, man. I've been wanting to talk to Norman about this ever

since I saw his Instagram pictures. I love that car. I love cars. Norman does too. That's a beautiful little car, man. Guys, seriously. This car is a perfect size car. It's intimate. It feels like you're

in a toy. That's right. You're driving it around. It's like you're in a toy. That's right. You're driving it around. It's like you're in a ride. Mark Norman is in a ride. And it's not particularly fast. It doesn't handle all that great. Not great. But what it does is it represents this weird connection between a person and a machine.

You got that right. And it put BMW back on the map. You ever had this? Look at this. You don't understand. Look at this fucking car. This is a dope-ass little car. Thank you.

I love it. Yeah, you... I love to drive stick on this car, by the way. I got a boner looking at these videos. Oh, thanks. I was thinking about getting one myself. Yeah, you drive through the village. You guys ever hop in a 2018 Chevy Cruze? Hit the next page.

I'm geeking out. You guys don't understand what this is. This is a beautiful little car. I have no place in the world. This is gay as fuck. I'm not gay. So I drive a fucking Chevy Cruze, dude. What's a Chevy Cruze?

Yeah, Google Chevy Cruze, dude. We talked about this, too, didn't we? No, I don't think so. I think it's another repeat. He looks great. It's like a hybrid, right? Oh boy, it's nice. Chevy Cruze?

That's like a rental car. That's where you get the rental. It's a tight little ride. Top level rental car. Listen, Mark Norman is in a time machine when he's driving that car around. Dude, I'm all over it. It's a tight little ride. Top level rental. Listen, Mark Norman is in like a time machine when he's driving that car around. Dude, I'm all over it. It's so fun to shift in. It's good time.

It's no cruise. That's a fucking vehicle. That's a Ted Cruz. Oh, what a nice ride. That's what you like? And by the way, do you hate Bluetooth Apple Play? Let me ask you a question. Do you hate life?

Apple Play. Yeah, do you hate life? Apple Play. I know you make some money, so I want to show you something. Pull up a 2022 Shelby Mustang GT500. This is what you need in your life. I'm big into it. Look at me.

And look at that. This is like 900 horsepower. That's a Cobra. 900 fucking horsepower. Who needs that? Shane, listen to me. Do you want to have fun? Do you want to be in a car where every time you hit the gas, you're like alive?

You feel it? You don't have to drive fast. You just know you're riding a fucking American-made dragon. You're riding an American-made dragon around the city. What were you about to say, Mark? Why are you driving a golf cart when you can drive that? Because after the beers, it can drive itself. You're good to go.

I would recommend a driver and not drive drunk with a Tesla. I would say that if you're going to drive a car sober, this is what you need in your life, Shane Killis. You need a goddamn Mustang. He's got a helmet on. Look at that. He has to. But I would say that if you're going to drive a car sober, this is what you need in your life, Shane Gillis. You need a goddamn Mustang. He's got a helmet on. A real one. Look at that. This guy's a tard.

That thing goes zero to 60 in three seconds. It's a retarded guy, John. That's a preposterously fast vehicle, and it's fun. It's fun. I don't like new cars. The thing you drive is boring as fuck. New cars are boring. Look at that silver with the black stripes in the right-hand corner.

Yeah, look at that. Yeah, it's like a woman. Imagine pulling up to that every day, Shane Gillis, instead of that bullshit economical vehicle that you have while you're pretending you're not killing it on the road. Get yourself a real American vehicle. There you go. You pretend.

That's funny. What are you guys throwing money at each other? How dare you, dude? That's a Mike Tyson jacket label. You're sober as a bird, dude. You're a coward. Look at the bro. Look at Ari.

Ari's having our crumb dreams. That's what a bro does. He's like a blues musician. You're on heroin. This is bleeding gum's anal over here. Have you ever been around a guy on heroin before? My sister was addicted to heroin. Oh, no. Really? Yeah. What was that like? Real bummer. Really? Is she clean now? Is she good? Yo, definitely. She's doing heroin. Yeah, I guess the alleyway. But for real, she also had cancer and heroin. Oh shit. Jesus. Beat both. Oh, shit.

Hey! Shout out to Gillis Peasant Jeans. Yo. Those strong peasant jeans. That peasant jeans, dude. That's what it is, man. That's real. She's like, nothing can kill us.

They survived the plague. That's why they're here. Beat heroin and cancer. And COVID. Damn. And COVID. All three at the same time, bro. Oh, my God.

Nothing. Holy shit. Nothing to a monster, dude. Isn't that funny? Like, some people are just more sturdy. Nothing. Holy shit. Nothing to a monster, dude. Isn't that funny? Like, some people are just more sturdy. You got that right. I mean, it's just genes. It's genetic.

It's all genetic. For some people, for sure. They can just get through stuff, you know? Yeah. Isn't it crazy to think about, back in the old days, people just died. Most people just died. You had to be strong. Well, think about how many people are alive today.

People have been around for a long time. Think about how long it took us to get so safe. Yeah. Are you going to puke, Ari? No. Don't let them hit you with things. And don't retaliate either because your hand-eye coordination is going to be – Blocked by my headphones.

No, no, please, please, please, please. Sorry. By the way, for real, cancer, COVID, and heroin. Good for her. Peace. Praise Allah. Inshallah. Sounds like Ari trying to order.

Ari's watching that Hitler video play out in his head. What? Facts. Facts. Judas back to the bus. Yes. You got to stand up for your people, man. We're going to play another Hitler video.

Jamie, find one. What about Mao? I just want to see one. I feel like we watched one of Kinison's early videos. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta see the one where he's on HBO. I've never seen Mao. I've never seen Mao.

I never have either. Okay, let's hear this one, though. This is 35 million views. Give me some volume. 35 million views. Listen to this. All right. If you look at the way he's moving his hands and clenching his fists.

The passion. I mean, undeniably evil dude. That guy was sick of you. But the fucking energy. That guy was done with you guys, dude. The energy in his words. Now let's see Mao. Let's see Mao talk.

Yeah, I don't know much about Mao. What? You know what's funny about Mao? Are there videos of Mao? There was one part. Well, Mao's the death. There can't be videos of Mao. The death numbers under Mao are like 50 million.

What did Mao do? Right. Wait a minute. What year are we talking about? I don't know of Mao, though. There's no videos of Mal? Yeah, there are. Really? Yeah, dude.

He was post-World War II. What? World War II. He was post-World War II. If Ari dies, can I have his shoes? Yeah, he's hurting. Yeah, this is what happens, dog. Oh, shit. You know Shane's hurting. Yeah, this is what happens, dog. Oh, shit.

You know Shane. Shane keeps drinking. This is what happens, player. Oh, he's done. He's done. Ari. Oh, shit. He's down.

If you're going to throw up, please leave the room. Now, puke in the cooler. Wow. Puke in the cooler, boy. Q-Hawk down. Holy shit, he's done. Hey, we got to keep an eye on him. What if he dies?

Will you feel bad? Yeah, of course. He dies of alcohol poisoning? You can't die of alcohol poisoning. Jamie's hilarious. He's like, give me some water. Give him some water. That's not going to help at this point.

No, he's done. Oh, here's Mal. Here's Mal. Listen. What's he saying? Mal's reading off his notes. That's bullshit. Oh, what is it?

He's like an open mic. He's like an open mic. Hello? Let me hear. I do look like a fucking... Oh, he bombed. Back it up again and give me some volume so I can hear Mao at his finest. Yeah, hold on. Let me get these two for the next...

Yo, you gonna puke in there? It's coming any second. Where's Mao? That's a cleared them out. Yo, are you going to puke in there? It's coming any second. Where's Mal? I don't know if Ari's going to puke. That's a big crowd there. Ari. Uh-oh, Ari's done. Are you going to throw up?

No, I'm good. You guys keep going. He might puke. No, no, no, really. Don't throw up in here. I won't. I won't. Don't puke in here, Ari.

I won't. I'm sure. Should we end this? I think we should end this and get him to go to the doctor. Definitely throw up in here. Just bring Mercy back and get him an IV. the doctor. Doctor! He's bringing mercy back. He's getting an IV. Oh, let's get him an IV.

Yo. Jesus, Ari. Ari. Some guys can't handle their bloodlines. Ari, I would say that I'm disappointed in you, but I'm not. This is exactly what I expected. That was an honorable fucking death. Yeah, like Mao. You're like one of those guys that fought Tyson in the 80s, Ari.

Yes. You gave a very nice fight. You thought he had a shot. And then you saw him and you're like, fuck! But the Bud Lights were sphinx. Yo, yo. Yes! Well, no, the Bud Lights were Tyson, really, right?

The Bud Lights took him out. Let me get a picture. This is probably his worst defeat ever. Losing to me in Sober October was a given. That was going to happen. Damn. But losing to you in a drinking challenge, I think for whatever weird delusion he thought

through sheer will, he could power down enough Bud Lights to keep up with you. Plus weed, plus some whiskey. He's fucked. Yeah, but it's very little whiskey. But look at how calm Shane is. This is the most shocking thing about all of it. It puts it in perspective as he cracks open a new one. He can still talk.

Shane, what do you think we should do about Ukraine? You know what? I think we should keep sending them billions and billions of dollars. Meanwhile, the gas... Oh, man, he's throwing up! Is he puking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mad

bowel disease. Damn. What a podcast. That's a lot of latkes. Make sure you keep it in the bucket, okay, pal? We call him Dr. Dradle. I got some paper towels. Oh, shit.

I'm going to put them by your left shoulder. That's a lot of... This brings me back to the old Fear Factor days, kids. Not bacon. What a podcast. I've been here before. I've seen more people puked than 99% of the population. Oh, poor bastard.

Oh, that's a lot of yeah. Hip hop hooray. Damn, that made me want to puke. Is the door still open from before? I just opened it up. You opened it for the smell? In case you wanted to get out of here. Well, it is 440, and we have been at this for a while.

There's going to be some more of that coming, too. Have we? Not a man of Shevitz. You want to keep going, or do you want to keep going? I'm down. I think we should keep going while he pukes. We've got a lot to talk about. It's kind of funny.

Yeah. Son of a bitch with your chin strap. I like how you were telling it. You were telling it through the entire show. Mattel still wears that motherfucker around his chin. Really? Occasionally, I see photos on his Instagram. Everybody else is maskless, and he's got a chin strap on.

Well, you know, he's getting up there. I think he wants to be respectful. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's such a nice guy. Great guy. He did it the other night on stage and I was like, I think he's doing it as like a joke. Oh, like he pulls it down? He always says, I'm going to raw dog this.

And it kills. That's hilarious. I don't want to give away his act. You already did, bitch. Ah, shit. Son of a bitch. He's the funniest guy I saw. I don't know if I've told this story. Funniest thing I ever saw a tell do. We're at the cellar. There's these two Hispanic women in the

front row. They're not laughing. And everybody's warning everybody else, like, watch out. These two women are gonna stone face you. Whatever. Nobody tells a tell. He puts a cigarette out. He runs on stage and he goes, what happened, ladies? Did Selena die again? They lost it.

The crowd lost it. The comics lost it. It was a beautiful moment. There he is. He's one of the best ever, man. He is. He's like one of those hidden treasures, right? He is.

Because I think we sing his praises as much as possible, but I don't think the general public is truly aware of how goddamn good he is. Agreed. He's one of the best of all time, right? Oh, funniest guy on the planet. He's so good. On stage, off stage. Especially at the cellar

where he'll just roast you if you're just walking around. Also loved by everybody. Loved by everybody. Loved by everybody. He saw me one night going to the bathroom, walking out, and he was like, Shane must have had a good set. He's still hanging out. I was like, oh, this motherfucker.

Yeah, he gets you. Ari is trying to contribute while his face is in his own puke. Whatever he says. Fuck off. I wish I could see him. Fuck off. That's says. Fuck off. That's hilarious. Fuck off. Alright. Can we get already some metal? It's basically 5pm

and I think you guys need to try to attempt something with this gentleman before the Kill Tony tonight, which is only in a few hours. I don't know what we're going to be able to do to help him. Yeah. Maybe get some food in the boy. Food is good. Food, food.

Okay. Shane Gillis, what are your upcoming dates? Where are you at? I'm in Australia in August. Australia. Are you worried they're going to hold you as a prisoner? Because your thoughts on COVID? Maybe. They're actually the gayest.

I don't think it's a gay thing. I think it's more authoritarian. Yeah, but that authoritarianism is gay. Yeah, like Dom submissive. Oh, man. Dom Herrera. He's still throwing up in the

goddamn cooler. ShaneGillis.com? Still yakking? Yeah. ShaneGillis.com? Some guys can't do it. ShaneMGillis.com? What's the count, though?

What's the count, though? He's still up. He's up. Shut the fuck up, Ari. You can't drink any more beer. Jesus Christ. How many of those are yours, Jamie? He's got a bottle of piss and a bucket of puke.

Two. Two of those are his. Shane. Bottle of piss, bucket of puke. That's how we end this. Mark Norman, where are you going to be?

Hey, hey, I'm all over the road. Irvine Improv, marknormancomedy.com. We might be drunk Tuesdays with stories. We're all over the road. Check it out.

I'm gay, selling baby formula after the show. You have a great follow on Instagram as well. Oh, thank you, man. Very funny follow on Instagram. A lot of clips.

Don't be mean about the baby. Is he throwing up again? Yeah. It's a big one. We're going hard. We put up. I believe it's rashafir.com. His special, he just finished filming.

Yes. I heard it went great. I heard it went better than the amount of puke that just came out of his fucking mouth. I can smell it. Yeah, I smell it too. I did warn him puke that just came out of his fucking mouth. I can smell it! Yeah, I smell it too. I did warn him though, did I not warn him? Don't do it!

I told him he was gonna throw up though, right? I'm like, if you're gonna throw up, let me know. He didn't. I saw it coming about an hour ago. Jamie, thank god you're on the ball, cause imagine if that bucket was not there. Well, he didn't use the bucket, he used the cooler. The cooler, whatever, bucket. I tried.

Okay, I just heard another... Oh my god. Oh, my. For real, though. July 1st, I'll be at the MGM Grand Garden Casino with Hans Kim, Brian Simpson, and Tony Hinchcliffe. I love Simpson. That should be real fun. JoeRogan.com. Fully loaded, too.

Fully loaded. Fully loaded toy. I am happy to. A lot of guys were talking likeully loaded, too. Fully loaded. Fully loaded. Fully loaded. Fully loaded. I am happy to... A lot of guys were talking like, oh, it's just Bud Light. Anybody can do it. Yeah, right? Turns out... It's a little harder than it looks.

It's a good point. You gave the boy a thrashing. Yeah. A sound thrashing. It's just water, man. It's all water. The amazing thing is how you've maintained your composure. I'm probably more composed now.

That's so strange. Yeah, you're more yourself with a couple of BLs. You're an impressive creature. That's it, ladies and gentlemen. Protect our parks for us. Hell yeah. In the books. Wear the shirts.

Yeah, we've got to get them made soon. Seriously, one of the most fun things I ever did. Bro. Hell yeah. I love it. Thanks for having us. I love you guys. I love it. Thanks for having us. I love you guys. I love you too, Ari.

Good luck, Ari. Ari's dead. Ari, you want to say goodbye to everybody? Hey, how'd that part go that you protected you dumbass? That's it. Wrap it up. Close on that. Good night.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.