The Joe Rogan Experience - #1843 - Paul Virzi

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Paul Virzi is a stand-up comedian, host of "The Virzi Effect" podcast, and co-host of the "Anything Better?" podcast with Bill Burr. His latest special, "Nocturnal Admissions" is now available on Netflix. www.paulvirzi.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. What the fuck? Tell me the UFO story. All right. Well, first, I'm going to tell you about my dad real quick my dad is sicilian to the fuck he born and raised bronx okay grew up in the 1960s in the bronx

always has to dress nice you know very materialistic a man needs a watch a man needs shoes okay me and my brother were in the car one time my father would do this shit we were young he shouldn't have but he would be like he'd be like look at that you see that that's a fucking disgrace he'd be like that's a man in a honda you know and he'd be like there's kids in that fucking car like like that wow 1982 jaguar xj, white leather, dressed to the nines. You know, everybody's crazy but him. Fuck them, they're crazy. Fucking crazy. So, tells me and my brother a story.

To this day, the story's not changed, and he told me he wished he never saw what he saw. 1973, my mother is pregnant with my older brother, Christian. He's five years older than me. Okay, so she's pregnant with him. They're outside in Yonkers. There's a little grass lot, and my aunt, grandmother, and mother are's pregnant with them they're outside in yonkers there's a little grass lot and my aunt grandmother and mother are out there and they're screaming tommy you got to come out here you got to come out here so the way my father tells the story he goes i'm watching tv what the fuck you know i don't want to be bothered because i go outside and he said paul he said

sitting where i could throw a rock or shoot my gun at it there is a fucking and the way he said flying saucer which is fucking hilarious when he goes it's a fucking and the way he said flying saucer which is fucking hilarious when he goes it's a fucking flying saucer he said it's got a blue tint around it little portholes but he could barely see quiet quiet as can be and he said they were all and he said the time was weird the time of night was weird it was like that weird time where the sun's going down you don't know he said the timing of it was weird and he said his time perception during it was was very something was off with the time and he said he thought he said holy shit I could fucking shoot my gun at this thing

but then he goes he goes then I freaked out cuz I don't know if this thing's reading my fucking mind so I went inside because he thought that it might have been so he went inside he looked again he went outside they looked at it they were stunned and he said like that it turned into a dot in the sky he said like that it turned into a star like that and he says to this day exactly the same thing he goes paul i always used to think those people were fucking nuts he goes all those people i thought they were fucking hillbillies somewhere in the midwest just trying to get attention he goes i know what the fuck I saw. And he goes, and I wish I didn't see it because I still dream about it.

And I know what the fuck I saw. And I know it wasn't from here. That's 100% true. What year was this? 1973. 73. And then I Googled 1973 Yonkers and many people saw something. But it was right above them.

Look at this. Man says 1973 UFO incident turned life upside down I'm not surprised no that thing it probably looked just like that that one right there that's what that yes yeah yeah when it's funny cuz when he describes it it looks like that like in my mind that's what he said it looked like and that's what I always thought about that right there but he said that it was gone in like he said he couldn't believe he said my and my mother's very like religious so the other day we had a party and somebody might have actually been yannis he goes you know i gotta i've gotta find out can i talk

and she goes she goes i saw that she goes i she goes yannis i saw that we we saw that that thing just disappeared my father said if he had a picture in 1973 of where it was nobody would ever had a picture like that because i've been a fucking millionaire yeah he said nobody it was right there he said he said you could have maybe not thrown something but shoot shoot at it wow yeah man well that thing right there is a copy by this guy designs by perry uh the e and perry is a three on instagram and he he recreated that thing that's a recreation of what bob laz Lazar allegedly worked on in Area S4. Yeah. And that's exactly how he described it.

He said this thing was running on something called Element 115. Element 115 is apparently some element that was just theoretical until like the early 2000s. I think it was like 2013 or something like that. They recreated it in a large hadron collider, in a particle collider. But before that, he was saying that these people had, he was talking about this in 1989, that these people who were working on this thing, trying to back engineer it, they described it as being some sort, there's some sort of an engine that works off of this element and that what it does is it bends gravity so instead of instead of like a rocket where fire

comes out the back and it pushes the rocket forward right this thing bends space and time so it bends gravity and pushes it through yeah that's why it's totally silent. The thing is, it sounds crazy, but all these things that these pilots have seen that they describe having no heat signature, no visible means of propulsion, they all move in that same way. Yeah. Exactly how your dad described. Yeah, and I didn't know that the bending gravity was why it was silent. But everybody that I know says they've seen one says silent.

Yeah. There's never noise like any sort of engine, which is wild. It is pretty wild. But I mean, you know, everybody's like, well, I haven't seen shit. But if one person saw it, if they only came down for like a half hour or an hour, you know, a few people saw it, then it took off and never came back again. Those people would be confused, like your dad probably, for the rest of their lives just thinking about it yeah and he's he's so detailed every single time and he says he goes he goes what i don't like about seeing it was i knew that i was seeing something that was just unexplained and not from here and it's and i know

it's out there and he's just fucked up by it you know he's i would imagine what do you think they're doing probably making sure we don't blow ourselves up probably when every civilization i i think there's probably a bunch of different kinds of life forms in space right like millions of different kinds but i think they must know that we operate off of biological needs. Like we have a biological need to procreate, a biological need to protect our village and to protect our stuff, and so we're warring still. Okay.

But yet we're moving this technological age of sophistication where we have nuclear bombs and video that travels on your phone to the other side of the world in a half a second. All the wild shit that we can do now that makes it very complex for us to manage both our primate instincts and the responsibility of having incredible power. So they're probably like, let's just fucking keep an eye on these assholes. Why would they care, though? Because they don't want us to blow ourselves up.

Think about how many billions of years it took for us to become what we are, right? You go from a single-celled organism to what a human being is now. That is a long road. For us to just knock the dominoes over because some guy has a hard-on, right? That's Putin, right? Yeah. If Putin's just like, fuck you, and he just fucking nukes Ukraine, and then we nuke him, and then China nukes us.

Yeah. You know, that kind of shit is a real possibility. And if I was an alien, I was like, look, they're so close to getting it right. They're so close to getting it together. Yeah, that could be. Yeah, dude, I don't know. I tell you what, if I saw it, it would fuck me up. What do you think it is?

What do you think they're doing? If that's real, let's just assume that this isn't just a mass hallucination. Yeah. What do you think it is? I think they're just curious, man. I think they're just watching. And I think, I don't know. I would say I don't know that they care.

I wouldn't think that they would care, but I think they're just watching us. But what if this? I always thought about this. What if they created us? Like, we're their ant farm. this, I always thought about this. What if they created us? Like where their ant farm. Yeah, I thought of that too. You know, like one of them fucked something down and just started something.

Yeah. You know, what if they took like a chimpanzee or they took something that was here first, fucked it, and was like, let's look at this thing grow. And then they're just looking and they're showing up. That's one of the things Bob Lazar said. Did he? Yeah, he said that one of their um there's there was a bunch of briefings that they had and a bunch of documents and one of the documents they talked about how

human beings are some sort of a product of accelerated evolution like they they took us which kind of makes sense that we're so different than all the other primates you see all the other primates they're all still kind of stuck in this weird sort of... I mean, we know that there were bipedal primates that don't exist anymore. Like, have you ever heard of the Hobbit people? No, not the movie. Not the movie. Yeah, yeah.

There's an animal, it's like a human. It's called Homo floressis. Floressis? I think that's how you say it.'s called Homo floressis. Floressis? I think that's how you say it. From the island of Flores. And they're these tiny people that were like different than, they're not Homo sapiens, but they were like in the humanoid category. Whoa.

And they were three feet tall. They used tools. And they think they might have even had conflicts with people. What the fuck? Yeah, those are real creatures. But there's not just one of them. This is a fact, right? This animal, this hobbit person,

they didn't find out about this until, God, I want to say it was like 2000s. Somewhere in the 2000s, they discovered it. When did they discover it? Is that what it says? Is it saying? Well, they- I discovered it in 2003.

2003. They discovered- So up until 2003, they didn't even know this was a thing. And they know that these creatures lived alongside human beings. They know that- I think the fossils they found were as recent as somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 years ago. So somewhere around 10,000 years ago, there was a creature that was like a tiny human-like, like had hands like a human, a face like a human, but it was three feet tall, covered in hair, used tools, and lived alongside people.

But not human. Not human. Wow. Not human, yeah. Wow. But so there's that one, right? Yeah, use tools and lived alongside people but not human not human Wow not human Yeah Wow, but so there's that one right and then there's some other ones like Gigantopithecus which is what they think Bigfoot was that's a giant eight-foot tall Bipedal hominid that existed that's like in the orangutan family. Okay. Yeah, I think that that exists So there's a bunch of different primates But the bottom line is all of them even this one that has tools and it's they're they're covered in hair

They're all fucking muscular and weird-looking. They're not like us. No, we're fucking strange. Yeah Yeah, we you know, what's funny about the the thing of my father saw us. He what he didn't want to tell people I'm sure so he he was my father was before my parents got divorced He was a bigwig at AIG in Manhattan. He was like third guy, third or fourth guy at AIG. And the top guy was having a huge barbecue at his place in Long Island. And he invites my father to come out. So my mother's there and my father doesn't tell anybody about the UFO.

And he goes, then your fucking mother yells across the barbecue, heymmy tell everybody about the flying saucer we saw and he goes no she i don't know she's drinking and he goes what the fuck are you because he didn't want because especially 1973 right even in the 80s and not early 90s it was like uh today today yeah you bring up today you saw ufo like Verzi saw a UFO. But at least you have commercial airline pilots going, hey, we see some shit right now that's doing some shit that these things shouldn't do. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, 1973, my mother yelled it out, and he was like, you're fucking, you know, he freaked out about it. He was like, you can't tell my boss. Yeah, get Tom Verzi in here.

We gotta fuck, he's a lunatic. Yeah, they would say, you don't want to pee in that cup, Tom. Did they have pee tests back then? I wonder when they started doing drug tests. Like, when did they first start drug testing employees? I think 80s. I don't think they did it in the 70s. You know?

I don't think so. No, they probably didn't have drug tests back then. Yeah. You know? Back then, I bet Coke was real Coke. You got Coke, I bet it was clean. Yeah. They probably didn't even cut it.

Now you can't fucking, can't touch it. What does it say here? President Ronald Reagan, workplace drug testing started off after President Ronald Reagan required it for federal employees in 1986, and it peaked during the drug war of the 1990s. Fucking Reagan. 86? Yeah. He probably saw it.

Daryl Strawberry, Doc Gooden. He's like, enough of this shit. That was the first steroids of sports was the coke of sports because they all did it. Right. Well, again, baseball players, apparently, they all like to do amphetamines, right? Yeah, yeah. That was no first. Yeah.

Well, baseball players, that's probably one of the most performance enhanced sports. Yeah. With all the fucking steroids and the, apparently they all like ADHD medication. Yeah. Something about it makes you focus. And what it does is too, you play through injury.

You don't feel the injury. So you have a little tear. So guys that were at the plate, if they had a little tear in their elbow or shoulder, didn't. Wow. It didn't matter. And their hand-eye coordination was, that's why Barry Bonds,

Barry Bonds was so, Barry Bonds was a Hall of Famer before he did it. Then he saw everybody doing it, and then he did it again. I was sitting courtside, Nick, I got hammered at the, I'm good friends, Pete Davidson's a good friend of mine,

and he was at SNL, and he goes, dude, come down, we got to take, and I'm a diehard Knicks. Diehard Knicks, because I'm a Yan. Pete Davidson's a good friend of mine. And he was at SNL. And he goes, dude, come down. We got to take. And I'm a diehard Knicks. Diehard Knicks. Because I'm a Yankees Giants. But I've won with them. My problem child is the Knicks.

And I got my son into it and shit. And we go down. And I'm sitting next to this guy. And he's got his hair slicked back. And everybody's coming up to him. And he's got the beard. And I'm looking at this guy. And I'm drinking vodka.

They just pour vodkas. And I'm just, I'm fucking hammered. Courtside. And this guy. And I don't know who this guy isodkas. And I'm just, I'm fucking hammered, courtside. And this guy, I don't know who this guy is. So at halftime, they take you back to where everybody's drinking and eating. So finally, they're like, yeah, the guy you're sitting next to is the Mets, the new manager of the Mets. It's Mickey Calloway. And I was like, oh, okay, cool.

That's who it is. So we just start talking. We're shooting the shit and everything. And I go, all right. And I'm hammered now. So now I like all of the what you shouldn't do, I'm doing. go can i ask you a question he goes please please he's a nice guy i go best baseball he was uh before he was a mets manager he was a pitching coach for the indians and i go now the guardians which is fucking awful name but um he said uh i go who's the best

baseball player you've ever seen live in all of the years you've been in baseball? And he just leans back and he goes, oof. And then he just goes, oh, Barry Bonds. He goes, nobody in history made a pitcher pay for a mistake more. He goes, if a pitcher made one fucking mistake by an inch, over. So imagine that guy on Reutze. And he was. Yeah.

And he was. But he was that guy before.utze. And he was. Yeah. And he was. But he was that guy before. And then he was on it. So now there's Barry Bonds, monster Barry Bonds. No injuries. Nothing's going to stop him. Hand-eye coordination better. More power.

That guy. Yeah. I mean, they all did it, right? Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa. They were all on the sauce. You could kind of look at the ones that did a certain way because they were square. I was in a fucking elevator with Gary Sheffield. He was like a book dresser.

He was like a fucking, he was just, you could tell that these guys were just different. I met Ken Seiko in 1986. I was a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club. I'd teach people how to lift weights and shit. And Jose Canseco came in at the peak of his popularity. He was a fucking giant. He was so big. I couldn't believe how big he was.

I knew he was, you know, you see him on TV. He's an athlete. But you see him in real life. He's like 260 pounds. He was fucking huge. Yeah gigantic actually. I don't know if Sheffield did it, but he looked like that I don't know if who got who is the big oh, then the guys that denied it in front of Congress What happens with them do they go to jail for that? You know it's funny everybody that admitted it was it was like okay, but the guys that were like remember Rafael Palmeiro He goes I he fucking fucking pointed at the guy.

He goes, I never, never, and he did. The problem with that is if you lie about something like that so emphatically, no one's ever going to believe you again. If you get in an argument with your wife, I was with Tommy. We went to the fucking game. I drove straight home. I got stuck in traffic. Yep, that's the point.

Look at him. Yeah. He looks like he's on roids right there. That's probably why he's pointing. Oh, there's a fucking, there's a bobblehead doll of him pointing. I've never used steroids, period. Mark McGuire did this one. He just goes, they go, Mark, did you use steroids in this?

And he just goes, I'm not here to talk about the past. I'm here to talk about the future. And that was his way of just being like, let's clean the game up. Nice. Yeah. After I've made my money, let's clean the game up. Let's bring everybody's home runs down to a normal manageable level. Yeah.

Fuck that. My wife knows that I'm lying, dude. My wife and I have been together for fucking almost 20 years and married almost 15. And when she has me dead to rights, she just looks and we both know. Well, don't do steroids in front of her then. No. Or don't lie about it. No.

Those guys, if you think about it, they made baseball more interesting, though. It's so stupid that they busted them for that. They should have been just like, everybody shut the fuck up. Everybody shut the fuck up. They brought baseball back. But why did they make a big deal out of it? Who gives a shit if they're doing steroids? I just think when it goes from 40 home runs is a good season to 90, it's just like-

People are getting better. Cars are getting faster. Now with cell phones. Why did it go to Congress, though? It's pretty weird. It went all the way to congressional hearings. I think it shouldn't go to- Because baseball's our national game.

That's why. Because if that happened with, like, pick a sport. Darts. You think anybody would give a fuck? Dart players are doing roids. Bring them to Congress. Fucking bocce ball players? Yeah.

Why is it that it's got to be that baseball's a national sport? I don't think they would have done that with anything else. They definitely would have done it with football. Because they know everybody's juiced up on football. The Elgin McGuire. Look at Sosa looking over at them. That's Sosa before he turned white. He's so weird now.

It's wild what he did. He keeps doing it, too. He's getting whiter and whiter. Like, some people, you know, it's just like body dysmorphia, right? It's wild. It's like an anorexic or something like that. He thinks he looks good. But it looks wrong because his features. is that real that's real, dude

That's what he looks like today What yeah, why I don't know he's out of his fucking like that Michael Jackson shit when no no no no no no the Michael Jackson shit is Vitiligo I have that that's like you see like a white spots on my hand You don't notice it as much because I'm a white guy. But with Michael Jackson, he 100% had vitiligo, and his whole body started depigmenting. Sammy's doing this on purpose. Oh, he's putting shit on himself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can buy that stuff. When I was in Thailand, I noticed it, that they sell these things. They had billboards everywhere for whitening cream. And you take this cream, and it destroys the pigment on your skin. He apparently likes it. Like, you know, he was doing an interview talking about how he likes the way he looks now.

Yeah, that's so weird, dude. He looks so healthy. He was a good young player. He says, it's a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed, and it whitens my skin some. He said some. No, bro, a lot. Sammy said in a 2019 interview with Univision after a photo was taken at the Grammy Latino

Awards. What happened was that I've been using the cream for a long time that combined with the bright TV lights made my face look whiter than it really is. I don't think I look like Michael Jackson, he said then. Scroll up to that photo again. Bro. That's crazy. That is crazy. Because his face, you know, it's like he's got the features

of a darker man, but he's got a, well, that one is almost like he's purple. And the thing, too, is like the fucking pink hat. He looks like a Batman fucking villain or something. That's weird. He's losing his mind. Where do you stand? You have kids. Yeah. Where do you stand with You have kids. Yeah. Where do you stand with what they can do as far as tattoos, piercings, doing shit like that?

Because my kids are not ready for that. My daughter's 10 and my son is 13. My daughter has earrings and stuff like that. I don't know if my son's interested in certain things yet. But are you going to be one of those to be like, be careful? I don't want you doing that or it's like whatever i don't think that i have any control over my children's bodies once they become adults you know i think i think i want to be kind i want to give them as much information as i can i want to you know make sure that they do a lot of things that build up their character

and their self-esteem and then allow them to make choices. I think the best thing that you could do is have a dialogue with your kids where they know they could always talk to you about things. So like, I, I'm not very, I'm not as, my wife is more restrictive than me when it comes to like, like a television or, or computer use, or she puts like screen time on their phones and shit like that. I feel like you got to be very careful to not be too controlling because then your kid will try to rebel. People don't like being told what to do. No.

You know, it's like when your boss isn't looking and then you go do things you're not supposed to do. It's a natural thing. If you got a boss that's like, as soon as you leave, fuck him, you put your feet up on the desk. Yeah. You know, if you give people supposed to do. It's a natural thing. If you've got a boss that's like, as soon as you leave, fuck him. You put your feet up on the desk. Yeah. You know, if you give people freedom, they don't rebel.

Like, they don't want to rebel. Yeah. I have restrictions. Yeah. You know, like time restrictions and tell me where you're going to be and that kind of stuff. But I'm all about communication with my kids. I like to just, I talk to them. I definitely talk to them like I'm their father.

Like, I love them and I treat them. I father, like I love them and I treat them. I always tell them I love them. I treat them like they're my daughters, but I also treat them like they're my friends. Right. Yeah, I do, too. And one thing that I tell my kids, too, is, you know, you're great and worth all the all your insecurities are normal because we all have them and you're going to them. And you're going to walk into a public situation and feel less than for some reason. Sure. And don't.

When we say we love you and you're the fucking best, you are. And I got that from when Mike Tyson went to Custom Auto and he was a broken kid from Brownsville, Brooklyn. And he was either going to be, he had friends that were gang were gang banging he was either going to go to jail or get killed yeah and this guy custom auto takes this 17 or whatever he's 16 was he 13 yeah oh yeah that's right he started to compete at that takes this kid and he said he's sitting in his house eating dinner going i could rob that i could take that vase i could take this shit and there's video of custom auto being like you're great you're the bet you're going to be a champion. Lifting this kid up.

And I always tell my son when he feels bad, I go, well, it's normal to feel like that. But you're a great kid. You're a great kid. You're smart. And don't feel like that. And I don't think I have to worry about drugs with him, Joe, because my brother-in-law passed from an overdose at 30. And it fucked the family up. I can imagine.

They're just like my son too my son is is very very good in school and a good athlete but he's very he's afraid of of that and and i'm i'm hoping that he can learn something from that you know you can learn definitely learn from people's mistakes yeah yeah it's a tough thing and you know my wife's devastated and stuff so and he's just like we're like look you know you know what happened to now if my son goes out has a beer I get he comes home And your son's been funneling beers. He's throwing up fine. You know that's I'll be there for him But I'm gonna I'm just gonna make sure that he doesn't do things to be cool that he doesn't want to do I don't want my kids doing things

They don't want to do but they're just doing it to be because I did dumb shit because I come from a broken home So I had no security in my family my parents got divorced so I would I would you know at 13 years old I was drinking. Yeah, doing dumb shit. I think that You know it's it's very important for kids to know that you went through a lot of bad shit, too In terms of like the way you think about things when you think about yourself Because like they see you now and you're successful and you got a netflix special and you're fucking doing great on the road and everything and it's like oh dad's a successful comedian that's great dad's so funny he's so confident he goes out there and talks to all those people you got to let him know

like no i used to bomb i sucked i hated myself i this i that like i think all that stuff is very important for kids to know because people have this tendency to look at other people like they have it all sorted out. Like, they have it solved. Yeah. And, you know, and the kids look at themselves and they say, I don't have those characteristics. I don't have those qualities. Yeah.

And they feel like they're never going to have them. So if you could tell them that, like, one of the things I always tell my kids is, like, whenever they fuck up, whenever they do something I'm one of the things I always tell my kids is like whatever they fuck up Whenever they do something wrong the one of the first things I say before I say hey you shouldn't have done that I say listen. I I did that and more I did all those things and more. I'm not upset at you Yeah, I said this is I'm upset that this happened But this is just a part of being a human being and now we're gonna learn from this we're gonna grow from this so You don't like it. You're upset with the way the result is and the way things turned out good that's how we learn in life yeah and and i'll tell them i'll say you know gaining confidence came from a lot of years yeah you know gaining confidence

came from a lot of years i would walk into you know and you know it's funny and you know this as as a comedian is some of the best shows i ever had was the most insecure and fucking scared. I was scared. Do I belong here? These fucking Montreal. Oh, every few look at the names and you're just like, I looked up to that guy,

looked up to that, you know, and now you're on there pacing, but you go out and, and one of the best sets I ever had in my fucking life to this day. And, uh, it was,

I opened for Burr at the garden in the round and dude it was like it was i i was i was fucking before i went up there i was just like it was like a surreal nervous just because i was prepared and ready but i was like i envisioned what i wanted to do but i was nervous as shit and then i went out there and it all came together the way i wanted to but i tell my kids i'm like like, they were at my taping. They were at my Netflix taping. And, you know, my daughter is 10 and she's just as little, you know, she's like me. She looks like me.

She's like Greek and Sicilian. My son's like blonde hair, blue eyes because my wife is Scandinavian and stuff. So they look so different, you know. And my son is like, I don't know if I'm, is he going to be all right, mom? Because he's looking at the crowd. And I was like, yeah. That's why I'm going to tell you this right now, dude. UFC fighters

bringing their kids to the octagon is the crazy... Listen, Daddy might get put to sleep by another... Fuck that! Did you see when Michael Chandler knocked out Tony Ferguson? With the kick? Front kick, yeah. One of the first things he did.

Got on top of the octagon. He's my son he started pointing Wow yeah yeah that I my son wouldn't be able to you know he was confident that's a tough fight and yeah the way he won like for him it must have been like a giant relief that he won in front of his son. Yeah. And then just he wanted to celebrate. Yeah. Yeah, that must have been. That's heavy.

That's so much extra weight. Yeah. So much extra weight. Your kids, your wife. Oh, my God. What if they see you get fucking head kicked? People don't understand the insecurity and emotion that go into this, man. You know?

I'll be honest with you joe i i've been doing this for 20 years and nobody said everybody said no to me for 15 years in this business everybody that's probably good though every fucking body everybody said yes yes for 15 years yeah but after like 10 i was like what the fuck it's like i just fucking kill you know and and I would have people going, yeah, man, it's called Killing in Obscurity. And I would be in a fucking hotel room and Stacey, my wife, would go, how'd the shows go? And I go, you know, I got fucking waitresses and people that have been there like years going, dude, we see comedy all the time. Like you're one of the funniest guys that come here.

And you know what? I'm fucking, nothing's happening. Yeah, but it's supposed to be like that. I know. I know. But time went on and time went on and time went on and then finally when i was really nervous before the netflix released and i and i knew what we did i knew i knew that the show was good i knew it was better than my first one and i knew that it was good but i knew that it was better and i knew what that we put together a really good show but the night before you get fucking like you're like hey you wake up and I woke

up and I looked at my phone and the review started to come in and you know I don't like to look a lot but I just want to look at the initial and I did I was driving to the airport I was driving to the airport and it was like the first time I actually got emotional where I mean I was like you know I was like that but I started to just think of leaving my family, getting on fucking airplanes, you know, all of the hotel rooms, everything, 20 years, telling my wife, like I'm working, my wife's seeing it. And then just everybody hit me up saying this and that. And I just started to tear up. And I was just like, you know, wow, like in my mind, not like made it in like industry's mind, not made it rich fame wise.

in like industry's mind, not made it rich fame wise, but for me to all of the shit that I did to, to have a comedy central special, which fucking nobody saw. And then, and then to, to end up doing this and having something out that people were just like,

man, that was, I laughed the whole time and made me feel good. And I got, I got emotional, man. And I, I just, and I thanked my wife.

I just called her. I said, thank you for, you know, that's awesome. You know, it's coming together. That's what it's supposed to be and but when you say

the industry there's no industry anymore it's not real right it's not real this is the industry right here yeah this is the industry now like no bullshit yeah this is a real network in terms of like all the comics that come in here yeah we you know we're all very supportive of each other everybody is out there telling stories on the road and doing their thing and having a good time and yeah and saying hey you got to go see mark norman hey shane gillis is fucking killing it and anybody hears you hear on twitter you hear on instagram and that's the real industry now the industry is live stand up and then recording live stand up so

people can see how good your shit is that that exists still but it only exists with us we are the industry now yeah there's no more gatekeepers that shit still but it only exists with us. We are the industry now Yeah, there's no more gatekeepers that shit's gone. It is there's still Netflix, but guess what they're not necessary You can put your shit on YouTube appreciate anywhere. Look at Gillis is fucking killing it Yeah, and he released his shit on on YouTube in the height of his cancellation Yeah, right after his cancellation. He puts out this fucking phenomenal special on YouTube, and he's even better now. Yeah.

That's the real industry now. Yeah. This is the best part of 2022 for comics. Yeah. Is that we don't have gatekeepers anymore. Yeah. The gatekeepers are each other. Yeah.

You don't have to dance for somebody that's never lived in your shoes. Well, they like you dancing, too. That's what's gross. Yeah. I remember those meetings. It's like, who are these fucking uncreative people? And they have terrible ideas. And they all want to, like, put their fucking greasy little mitts all over your stuff.

And so, oh, I mean, I told them to wear that shirt. I told them to do it. You know? I told them to open with this material. The material he was going to open for, it would have ruined the whole special. Yeah, I told him to open with this material. The material he was going to open for, it would ruin the whole special. Yeah, I know. Leaving your, I'd like get up from dinner on a Tuesday to go run to the city for a $25 fucking spot for a fucking booker that everybody was afraid of.

Like, you know, and it's really, yeah. And you look back, I think COVID put things into perspective though, Joe. I was really like, cause I think, I think the hamster wheel of like what people were doing and then you sat back and you're like, wait a minute, let me slow this down a little bit and fucking figure things out. Do things my way. A lot of people change their life during COVID for the better. I mean, for a lot of people, it was terrible. They lost their businesses and you know, lost family members and shit, but it's not, it wasn't a good thing, but it was an, it was an opportunity to advance from adversity.

Like adversity gives you like little doors where you're like, hey, you know, you don't like what you're doing. And now they're taking it away from you. So here's a chance. Right. Here's a chance to like think. Because sometimes people get too comfortable in their patterns. And, you know, you think you're working hard, but are you? You know, like, I mean, how much do you want this?

What are you trying to do? Could you be putting in more effort? Could you be getting things done better well what about having short term and long term goals that's really important because a lot of people don't have that a lot of people are just on that hamster wheel like I'm going to run around do this spot and do that spot and do that spot it's like alright well what are you getting that money you're paying rent but what's the end game

what are you ultimately trying to do well what's your end game I just want to I always will stand up man I just want to, I always was stand-up, man. I just want to get better at stand-up. I want to put, every hour I put out, I want it to be better. I want to do some acting because I love that a little bit. You know, like here and there when I get parts, I kind of, I'm like, this is actually kind of fun to do. But my end game is to just keep getting better at stand-up and putting stuff out.

I didn't drop out of college to do anything else. I didn't drop out of college to be, you know, to do anything else but stand up and get better. Now I'll do everything else that I have, like, around it. You know, you have to adapt. You know, podcasts and do all that stuff. But I, you know, I love telling a joke. I love telling a story and that's why I got into this, man.

And my kids, you know, yeah. It's the best. Do you remember when you were an open mic and you just thought the dream was just just Greg Fitzsimmons and I started out a week apart from each other and you know I just saw him a couple days ago in LA we were super tight yeah and we would just sit around going imagine what it would be like to pay your bills with comedy that's the goal the goal was just to be a professional we saw those guys in Boston that were pros and I looked at them like, how did they do

it? Like the impossible dream. They don't have a job. These guys just golfed all day and they were drinking and they'd go on stage and kill and be like, oh, they were just, they were fucking heroes. I couldn't believe. And that, to this day, has always been the thing that I wanted the most that I didn't have. When I think about things that I wanted, it wasn't like being a movie star or even a TV star. It was never those things.

It was be a professional comedian. To me, it was like a dream. Could it possibly happen? I know. You know? I know. comedian like to me it was like a dream like could you could it possibly happen i know you know i know what's amazing is the things that you dream of you get when you when the work is put in and and you put it out there like sometimes yeah i know a bunch of people that still suck 20 minutes 20 years later well then they should have fucking back like you know after 20 years what do you like at some point did somebody that loves you go hey man yeah but someone could have done that to you a year in yeah you know if they came up to me a year in and said you suck i'd be like i kind of do suck but yeah that's that was you're right that's like that's just

you know like who's to tell you that you can never figure it out i don't know if it's hard you have to have a level of awareness, self-awareness. I think one of the things that holds people back is they're delusional. Like they think they're better than they are and they think they're doing great. And there's no laughs. The audience isn't laughing.

And they think they're better than they are. Like they're protecting themselves from the truth. Yeah, but do you think they know? Really know? I think there's a lot of people that run through this world truth yeah that's that's but do you think they do you think they know really know i don't i think there's a lot of people that run through this world and they think they look great when they look like shit and they think they're skinny when they're fat and they think they're smart when they're dumb there's a lot of people there's a lot of people out there they're just delusional i just pictured like some fat fucker i look great i'm looking fucking great. And you're like, nah, dude. But the thing is, it's like the feeling that sucks about not being good, about being fat, about being a loser,

that feeling that sucks is a motivational tool. And some people don't like the feeling. No one likes the feeling, right? No one likes the feeling of being a loser. Right. But being a loser is good for you because it teaches you that that sucks and it feels awful. And if you can get some progress going in your life and start moving forward in your life, you'll feel good. And then you'll remember what it felt like to be a loser.

And you're like, oh, that is my fuel. That's my motivation. Yeah. And then the good feeling that comes with like a successful set or like filming a successful special. It's like, my God, that feeling is magic it's yeah i think it's two things though i think being funny and being a good comedian are two different worlds you know i you know from day one i would get laughs but it wasn't with good shit right it was dumb shit but that's just because you're trying to do well yeah like i remember i remember one of the first one of the first jokes I had, one of my first openers, and it killed.

It was fucking tight. I was like, yeah, I broke up with my girlfriend. She said I wasn't close enough with her family, so I fucked her sister. And then they got more mad. I was like, it wasn't going to be your brother. It was horrible. That's funny. I actually like it.

I think you should bring that back. But here's the thing. So I would get laughs, but it wasn't really a good constructive. Right. So it was like you want to be the best of the shittiest at that moment. Right. Like when you do the open mics and there's eight, nine open mics, you want to be at the top of that and you move.

But then when you start to really craft a joke and you start to watch a joke. And the best is when somebody who's like one of the motherfuckers in the game is like that joke you just did that's and then you're like oh shit yeah that's a that's people don't realize what that does nice nothing is worse than when a fucking great comic is is rude or passes you over because it hurts it hurts you it hurts and it doesn't you don't forget it yeah you know you don't you never forget the good but you know it. Yeah. You never forget the good, but I'm Sicilian. I never forget the fucking bad. Yeah.

Which is a bad thing. A kind word from someone when you're just starting out can go a long way. People don't realize what that does. Yeah. What that does. You go home and you're just like. It was giant. Oh, the set that I had at the Garden, somebody was like, dude, Questlove and Chris Rock are

in there. Chris Rock just said you killed. Right? So then I'm all excited excited but listen to this shit so then i walk out joe of like of our dressing room i was in a dressing room it was like me and joe bardick had our own thing bills and the other thing and we were just and i go hold on let me go get something and i walk out dude and it's me and chris rock after the set i of my life and he said i killed and i'm going here it comes and he's walking and I'm walking

and we just made eye contact and he just kept walking, dude. And I was like, fuck, I was like, fuck, I know you wanted to. You just saw it.

You just said I killed. Come on, man. You fucking, come on, give it to me. Oh, dude, you'll love this. One of the first times

I'm headlining, I'm in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, or right outside Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, at a place called Carolina Comedy Club. It's not there anymore. And I was just able to headline a B-room. Okay, so you figure there's a good 45 minutes, nothing great.

And they got the local radio guy opening. And this kid's fucking killing. I mean, he's fucking, he's doing local shit. Local shit. People are just fucking, people are jumping off. You know, and I come out there and I could have, I'm like, look at this fucking Yankee. Like, you know, and I'm fighting through it.

I'm fighting through it. But you know who is Jordan Rock, Chris's youngest brother, who does stand-up? He was hosting. I don't know him. I know Tony. Yeah, there's three of them. There's three of them. There's like seven of them, but there's three that do. Tony's fucking incredible, man. He was hosting. I don't know him. I know Tony. Yeah, there's three of them. There's three of them.

There's like seven of them, but there's three that do. Tony's fucking incredible, man. He's fun. Tony's so underrated. I said that. I said Tony's one of the most underrated. Dude, I opened for him like eight years ago,

and I went in to go watch him for five minutes, and I just stayed there for 40 because he was killing. But their younger brother, their youngest brother, Jordan, he was hosting. And I'm up there in South Carolina. They love the middle.

I started to win them, but there were two people in the crowd that were smiling and laughing that gave me the strength and energy to just, I mean, I had it anyway, but I was looking to them. And it was Chris Rock's mother. It was Chris Rock's mother and her friend. And she's just laughing. And she had the New York thing. So, yeah. And then afterwards, I went up to her and I said hey I got to tell you something I said I

was up there I was struggling they you know and I was trying to find it and you're laughing and she's like oh my god no that was so good this and that and and I told her you know and she was telling me about how Eddie was Chris's guy because my hero is Eddie yeah Eddie for me, my dad took me and my brother to see Raw when I was 10, 1987, at Movie Land in Yonkers. And my grandmother and mother were like, you can't take him to that. And he's like, nah, okay, I won't. He took us.

And I just remember being there. And for you, it was probably delirious, right? No. Well, for Eddie, yeah. Eddie was delirious. But for me, my parents took me to see Live in the Sunset Strip. When I was like, I guess I was like 14 or 15. I was like first or second year of high school.

And I'll never forget that moment. Because I couldn't believe how funny he was. I had seen movies like Stripes, really funny movies. And I laughed really hard, but not like this. I remember very clearly looking around while the movie was going on. And everybody was just falling out of their chair laughing, like laughing. Yeah. I remember very clearly looking around while the movie was going on, while everybody was just falling out of their chair laughing, like laughing so hard. And I was like, this is incredible.

All he's doing is talking. I know. I know. Dude, when Eddie was just walking around talking about his drunk father telling his mother she can't leave the house. Yeah. When the Lillian may never. Yeah.

And I'm just, I'm 10. So how does that resonate with a 10 year old and i just was like oh my god he was he put me in a movie like he put me i pictured his father in the kitchen writing that and i'm just sitting there locked in and i was like this is the dude man this is the dude and how nuts is it that he was done at 25 as far as stan he did raw at 25 and delirious at 22 that's how nuts. How fucking nuts is that? He's still so good. We played a thing the other day when we did a Protect Our Parks podcast with Gillis and Norman and Ari, and we watched this clip of him accepting an award, and he goes up and

accepts an award and then does some stand-up. He talked about Bill Cosby, did a Bill Cosby impression about them taking away Bill Cosby's awards. It was fucking good, man. Like, solid timing. Like, if he got back into it now, he would be one of the fucking greatest comics alive. I think so. He could still do it.

I think so. I hope he does. Like, there was talk a few years ago about him doing a Netflix special, but I think for a guy like him, it's just like, you know, it's hard to like, you got to do, you got to just show up and start doing sets. And then, you know, it's so easy for him to just show up on a movie set and he's the fucking man. Yeah. You know, he doesn't have to worry about anything. He just, his catering's there.

He just, you know. I think he, I agree. I think it would be great. But the work he's got to do, you know, he's got to go out for a couple years year and a half two years and really hit the clubs at least yeah at least what does it say here this is an interview he gave to kevin hart about a year ago because my plan was to do dolomite saturday night live coming to america and then do stand-up and then the pandemic hit motherfucker yeah and it shut the whole shit down then i was going the whole time last year i would have been out working on my act trying to get my shit right and then the the whole shit down. Then I was going, the whole time last year I would have been out working on my act,

trying to get my shit right, and then the whole thing shut down. Hey, when the pandemic is over and it's safe for everybody to go out and do it, then the plan is to do it. All right, well, the pandemic's over, Eddie. Come on, man. Come out. Come down to the Vulcan. Tuesday and Wednesday nights, Austin, Texas.

Come on down. We had Roseanne go up Roseanne went up She hadn't done stand up In fucking years And we It was Stan Hope Me

Ron White And Roseanne Oh wow And Tony Hinchcliffe And I think Hans Kim Was on the show too Yeah Hans Kim Was on the show too

And Roseanne went up And fucking murdered I mean murdered Wow Murdered How long had she not been on? Years. Oh man. Years. Since all that shit happened. I know that shit

with her was at least when she got canceled and kicked off her show. That was at least four years ago, right? Wasn't it like three years ago? Four years? Because we were at the old, old studio. Yeah, I think she had mentioned doing something with Dice briefly, but it was right around that time too. So maybe she did like a

couple sets with him or something, but I don't know to what extent. She's moving here. Is she? Yeah, she's moving to Texas. She sends me messages all the time. She sent me a text message the other day. Fuck yeah, Texas. Just out of nowhere. That's it? It's for me. Dude, I'm such a fan. I get a text

message from Roseanne Barr. Like every now and then I'll get one from like Dice Clay And I'm like what the fuck man Dice Clay texted me. It's wild. Yeah, it's it's crazy, man You know who would influenced me that you probably? Has nothing to do with my style, but was Rodney because my dad was such a Rodney fan So he took us to Radio City to see Rodney that during the back-to-school time, during the height of that. And, yeah. And so that's the thing.

My parents had this brutal, weird, awful divorce in the early 80s. And my dad, I only got to spend time with my dad on Sundays. The courts were always, you know, it's always more difficult for the father, but in the 80s especially. But my father had all day Sunday with us and three hours Wednesday. That's it damn so my father had my father had like 12 11 12 hours with his with his boys a week and um you know but we just he loved comedy he loved movies they would have even when they were married i remember i was five years old before they got divorced but like johnny carson would be on

they would it was always around and like that's the one thing even though this horrible shit went down it was like they had good senses of humor and and it was like so Eddie and Rodney were like the things that introduced me to stand-up comedy is important man it's I mean I know I'm not saying that to be a self-important person because I'm a comedian but I mean for me just for me if I never did comedy again comedy is important for me just because like to laugh at things you know what i fucking love memes oh the the fucking internet provides me with so much goddamn the the my friends like the memes that we send each other back and forth yeah they just find i don't know who's doing them i don't know who's making them yeah you know i mean i wish i knew all the guys who made all the memes so i could credit them but. But my God, there's some funny shit.

It's a totally different kind of comedy. Yeah. Dude, I don't watch stand-up now. I don't really watch. If a clip pops up, now that I'm trying to work hours and going, I don't like to watch stand-up and I don't watch specials. I don't. But if a clip pops up, like, dude, this one kid, we were talking. Oh, my God, his last name was Koff.

I think I'm going to screw it up. I should remember his kid's name. Like, Goff or Koff or something like that. K-O-F-F. But he had a joke. Not my style. And I was fucking crying. He goes, I love when things just pop up.

He goes, I don't know the guy. But I messaged him after. I go, dude, I don't know you. I go, this is fucked. He goes, I don't know why people are afraid of werewolves. He goes, we already have wolves. And they're wolves all of the time. He goes, that'd be like somebody going, you know what would make this grizzly attack worse?

If this bear was sometimes an accountant. And I just fucking thought about that. And it's so true. It's like, because a wolf is always a wolf. And we worry about the man turning into the wolf. And I go, dude, that's so funny. And I probably even butchered it a little bit. But dude, I was just like, that is real.

So I love shit like that. Yeah. When something out of nowhere just gets you. Yeah. No, it's a beautiful thing. That's one of the things that separates us from all the other animals. We communicate and we say absurd things.

And it's like a drug. It's like there's something about watching someone kill that to me, even to this day, it makes me feel better. It's like I just took a drug. It's like there's something about watching someone kill that to me, even to this day, it makes me feel better. It's like I just took a drug that made me feel better. I'm laughing. I'm having a good time. The feeling you get when a big group of people is crying laughing.

And I'm talking about like when you see somebody, like I love seeing the couple, but I love seeing the woman go like, I love seeing the woman go like this I love seeing the woman go like this, and the husband comes up after like, dude, she was crying laughing. I love seeing my wife cry. That's just such a cool emotion to give somebody

because it's the only job, it's the only job where that happens. You actually make somebody, you know, and what about when somebody's like, hey, man, things were going really, you know, I went to Buffalo right after that shooting, and I felt bad even promoting. You worked there?

And I felt bad, Joe, even promoting the shows. I can imagine. Because I'm like, I didn't want to be like, hey, I'm going to be at Helium. You know, and it was right after. But I went out there and the people came out and I can tell it was weird. And after the show, they were like, hey, man, thank you so much. And it ended up being a great time. And people were just like, hey, things have been really weird in this town.

And it kind of felt good to just, I did a one-nighter there. I just, you know, working on some stuff. I went out there, did a Thursday night in Buffalo. And they were just like, that was awesome, man. Thank you. This town needed it. That is the only, this is the only job where that really happens, man. And it's a special thing.

And it's an amazing thing. On the other hand, if you bomb, people got babysitters and they fucking- Didn't you see the shooting? What the fuck? They have to go to work in the morning. Oh my God. So they're up late. They're mad.

You're meandering through your fucking shitty set. That would be brutal, dude. After a shooting? Not even after a shooting. Just a regular day. Oh, yeah. I know, but I don't want to kill my dumb- Anytime.

Yeah. That's the flip side. You can make people feel- It's just a great responsibility. You have all these people's attention that it's on your head. You have to, you know, like, that's why I hate a bad special. When I watch someone do, like, a lazy special or a sloppy half-cooked special, I'm like, my God, you know, like, what are you doing?

Do you watch them all? No, no, I don't watch home I watched some specials. Yeah, you know watch someone. Oh, I watched you know When was the last one? Oh, I watched Ricky Gervais I watched not all of it, but I watched like the first 15 minutes all the trans stuff fucking hilarious Yeah, and he went for it. I mean in this day and day and age, I was kind of shocked that Netflix put it out. Yeah. But they put out that letter before they put it out saying, like, if you don't want to work with people whose content you don't agree with, please leave.

I love that. I love that, too. I think more comedy clubs should do that. Well, it's not a comedy club. It's Netflix. Yeah, no, but I think comedy clubs should have a disclaimer outside before you walk in. People are still in New York City.

And as much as I love New York City, man, new york city's new york city i'm gonna tell you man when new york city is popping and there's no pandemic and the comedy clubs are packed i don't know where is i mean it's it's as good as it can be but but now lately there's always always a table or two of what what you, and don't say that. Wokesters. And you could see them shut down, and you could see this. Let them shut down. Of course, of course.

But that's just, you know, what Ari said it best. He said those people aren't even from New York. He was like, they grew up in Maine, and they had this idea of what you're supposed to be when they come to New York. So they come to New York, they dye their hair blue, and they start complaining about everything. That's true, but there are some New York liberals that are like, you know,

that's really, really over the top. You know, over the top. Yeah, Schultz was telling me that. He's telling me that he did some sets, and like two sets in a row, people got upset at his subject matter. He's like, give me time. I'm going somewhere with this. Yeah.

Like, don't just fucking get upset at a premise. Yeah. The thing about comedy is you could set up a premise where it seems like you're going to say something awful. It seems awful. And then by the end of the joke, it's on you. Right. Because you're the one who's the brunt of the joke, and it's not awful.

But if you interrupt it in the fucking beginning, you're going to ruin everything. See where I'm going. I'm gonna take you somewhere. Yeah, I had this bit and this lady who was, it turned out she was like an executive at some television network, which makes sense that she was so confident. She interrupted twice, she interrupted my set. And to like about, I was doing this bit, I said, women can do everything men can do, right? And she was like, yeah.

I go, no, that's not true. I go, here's why it's not true, because men can't do everything men can do. That's why we have the Olympics. I'm like, there's different shit people can't do. Because it was a bit about this, there was a woman who was guarding the White House. She didn't have a gun.

She was at the front door of the White House. And some crazy guy hopped the fence ran across the white house the dude who is supposed to be like with the dogs was on the phone all right so there's a guy with a dog he's on the phone probably talking to his girlfriend or something like that and the woman who's guarding the front door the door is wide open yeah she doesn't have a gun the guy opens the door and the whole bit was like that this guy's running probably. Is this my last step? Is this the last step of my life? Like he's thinking at any moment they're going to fucking shoot him.

He gets all the way to the door, opens it. There's a girl there, no gun. Smacks her to the ground and goes running through. Jesus. It's a crazy story. And the Secret Service guy who was having coffee, who wasn't even on duty, guy who was having coffee, sees this guy run through the White House and tackles him. Wow.

That's how they caught the guy. Nobody knew if he had a gun. Nobody knew if he had a bomb. No nothing, right? And the idea was like, the premise was that they shouldn't have a woman guarding the front door of the White House. I go, you know how? I know this.

I go, because I shouldn't be guarding the front door of the White House. You know how I know this? Because I met Shaquille O'Neal, and his dick is where my face is. I'm like, if the White House is experiencing a shack attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world. What did the dog do? Well, the guy had the dogs. Like, he's got them, like, in a kennel or something like that,

and you would just release them if somebody went running through. But the guy wasn't paying attention. Wow. People get sloppy. They get lazy lazy but that's when shit happens yeah get lazy at like a hospital fucking interest not a toy yeah but people are fucking lazy man yeah they don't days become days it becomes normal that nothing happens and you get late you get slack yeah that's why have you ever this lady interrupted she kept interrupting i go no I'm gonna explain to you with a bit go see the bit is making fun of me I'm gonna get to me yeah, and then so I had to like it so and then she fucking did it again I'm like get this cunt out of here, and then I call her cunt which is not cuz all I could clamped up

I'm like please if anybody's a cunt This lady who just keeps interrupting Joe Yeah this lady who just keeps interrupting jokes yeah she had been doing that to the person before too though and they were trying to like work their way through it and it wasn't working out yeah i was kind of prepared for her i tried to be nice i gave her two chances but she kept doing it yeah and then we got her kicked out i was doing yeah no it's it's people don't understand like i was making fun of the lunacy of punching that asians were getting punched in the face randomly in New York City because of COVID. And I was just making fun of the lunacy of it.

I was joking around. I think I said something like, I just go, guys, any jokes off limits? Like, it was like right when things got bad. Any jokes off limits, guys? And they go, no, bring it. I go, come on, guys. I go, this is liberal New York, guys. Guys, any jokes?

No, bring it. And I'm like, all right. So things turned out like, ah, man, I'm'm exhausted I was running around Times Square all day looking for Chinese people to punch in the face totally totally just goof and like look people laughing and I I'm making fun of the people that fucking do that and this one was one like really woke it was like oh that's hilarious huh you're hitting and I was just like dude come on it's like everybody even an Asian dude in the front laughing his ass off.

Like, I'm not doing that. I'm making fun of the lunacy of it. But that's what you get in New York. You know, my WNBA joke. You're just one guy. Misogynist. And then they'll yell and put their head down. That, unfortunately, is going on.

Yeah, but that's why you should get the fuck out of New York. Polluted, shitty city. Oh, dude, I did the Vulcan. I headlined the Vulcan here. And I was just like this is fucking incredible it's wild right it's texas is a lot more fun it's it felt like what it should be man yeah in texas i mean this is austin austin's a very progressive city very liberal city but they're healthy liberal like for the most part there's crazy people here but

there's it's a healthy level of liberal you know they're just kind people progressive educated people but new york has like a there's a thing going on there now where they think they're going to revolutionize culture they're going to change culture and they're going to force everybody to think the way they think i got no problem with liberal it's beyond liberal like like far far right and far far left that's like the issue i I got no problem with somebody, Democrat, Republican. It's the people that take it to a level that's just like, can I say something? Can I have a fucking opinion on something? And if that opinion doesn't fit, you know, one thing that I saw and I know people talk about, you know, the Kanye West thing.

But like being it's fucking really abusive to call somebody crazy because they don't agree or they like somebody that you don't like. Now, listen, I know Kanye West probably has his issues like we all do. But calling somebody crazy because they don't fall with the narrative or because they may like somebody politically like that, that's evil, man. Well, he's crazy. He's crazy in a brilliant way like kanye west is a genius he's a legitimate genius you could tell he's a fascinating guy to talk to too because you could tell it's he has a hard time having a conversation because i think ideas are just spinning around that dude's head like a mile a minute He wanted to redo the studio when he came in to do the podcast He wanted to design a studio who's gonna get a warehouse and have a studio built that looked like the inside of a womb

What he had dude he had drawings. He was showing me We're on a FaceTime and he's showing me the images that he had Drafted that people had made for him about this design that he wanted to do. The only thing that fucked it up was that Jamie got COVID, and it would have been complicated to move everything to another place, and Red Band sat in for Jamie. You guys thought about doing it.

Yeah, I was like, fuck it. You want to do it? I thought it'd be fun. Kanye wanted to do it. Look, the fact that he wanted to do the podcast was cool, and the fact that he wanted to make his own set I'm like fuck yeah let's do it yeah it got to the point where I was like listen man we're kind of fucked here so let's just do the other studio and he's like I understand right he's reasonable

but he's I just I think he's grappling with a level of creativity that most of us could only a dream of you know I think the ideas that are bouncing around in his head. Sure. You know, I had my own misconceptions about him before I met him and talked to him. He's actually a very nice guy. But it's just, you know, he's a mad genius. Would he have been as demonized, though, if he didn't, you know, support Trump?

Or, you know, that's my only thing. And I'm not saying everything he says I agreed with. But as soon as he did that And said hey like let's see what this guy has to say and I would do this for anybody whether it was Trump or the other Side, but as soon as he said that when since the media didn't like that it felt like it was just like is he okay? Yeah, he was definitely not demonized before that the way he was afterwards I mean everybody thought he was like eccentric before that and then they thought he was crazy But you know what one of the reasons why he did that?

It's because Obama called him a jackass. Obama shit on him. Called him a jackass? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which is kind of crazy for the president. Yeah. But uncharacteristic for Obama, who's very statesman-like. But he called him a jackass, and I think it's stuck in Kanye's head. He was like, I'll show you, bitch.

And I'll support the next guy. I didn't know Barack said that. Yeah. And I think also Trump just lets him talk. Trump had him in the White House. He's sitting there. It's one of my favorite videos is Kanye with a MAGA hat on. And he's in the White House with Trump.

And Trump is just sitting there listening to him as Kanye's ranting. And, you know, Kanye goes down roads, and he just keeps ranting. He's just ranting about things and talking about things. I think that's the way his mind works. I think it's just a fucking – there it is. Like, look at this. Give me some volume on this. Trump's face.

Give me some volume. Give me some volume and play it from the beginning. Go from the beginning. Look at this. Look at this. Look at Trump. How old is he? How old? 68.

You're 68 years old? 68 years old. First of all, how orange is he? What's up in his eyes? He doesn't spray tan his eyes. He doesn't spray tan his eyes. He started showing that he actually had power, that he wasn't just one of a monolithic voice, but he could wrap people around. So there's theories that there's infinite amounts of universe, and there's alternate universes.

Oh, geez. All right. This is me if I sparked a joint and went to the White House. That's the kind of shit I would talk about. And I have to go and get him free, because he was doing positive inside of Chicago, just like how I'm moving back to Chicago, and it's not just about getting on stage. Look at Trump. I was just kidding.

Don't these motherfuckers have silent cameras? They're so distracting. You're interrupting his rant. There's Jim Brown next to him. Jim Brown next to him. ...said that welfare is the reason why a lot of black people end up being Democrats.

They say, you know, first of all, it's a limit to the amount of jobs... This goes on for 20 minutes. Yeah. Does he really just keep talking?

Trump is just sitting there like, hmm, interesting. I don't want to say don't, I don't want to say negative words.

I mean, at this point in time, what is Trump... I love that he showed the fucking password of his phone. They filmed his password. If you ever get a hold

of Kanye's phone, it's all zeros. It's a high-train one. It's a hydrogen-powered airplane. Look at his fake attention. And this is what our president should be flying in. Look at this shirt. See, he designed the fucking airplane. This is what our president should be flying in.

What, he went like this? What, he went like this and tilted his head? That's what you do to a little kid when they show you something. Yeah. Yeah. If my two-year-old made a drawing, I'd be like, nice. Very pretty. Go play.

That does look like a flower. Go play. That does look like a flower. Don't suck on your crayons. Yeah. Well, I just don't like, you know, I just don't like if anything is different. You just really do get fucking, you know, you get demonized or you just get the way they go at you man you know oh yeah you know i get dude i gotta be and i gotta be honest with

you man like and i'm serious dude i'm not and i say this before i'm not just saying this because i'm on your show man like the way you take the way you fucking the way they come at you or whatever and you just you know it's it's really fucking remarkable dude it's remarkable and it's inspiring i'm not even joking i'm not even bullshitting it's it's inspiring to see i get pissed off if someone's like i didn't like that bit i'm a fucking mess you got you know you got you got all this shit you just it's it's a really it's an inspiration man thank you yeah it can't be easy we're all human you know what i mean yeah we're all human but it's i i've been doing this so long. And I'm amused by people. I'm fascinated by it.

You know, like when I'd see little Fats O'Brien stelter talking shit about me on CNN, it made me laugh. I'm like, you're a dork. Of course you don't like me. Like a dork not liking me and telling me I should be fired. Like, shut the fuck up, man. Like, look at you. How can anybody say somebody should be fired because they don't- Some people should be fired.

But it's like, what goes on is like people love to pile on people and they love to try to get people fired. It's like a new sport. It's like, that's, you know, when people talk about cancel culture isn't real or cancel culture is real, whatever you want to call cancel culture. Yeah. But what is real is that people, especially with the advent of social media, because everybody has a point or everybody rather has an opinion that they can express. They love to pile on and then try to do something about it. Like they love to try to attack someone's sponsors or like to go out, you know, like they, they do that with various people where they'll go after their sponsors or they try to get their videos removed from YouTube or they're doing things like that.

It's just because people have the ability to enact change and it only really works if companies give into it. And to Spotify's credit, one of the brilliant things that they did was nothing. They just said, you know, we're not going to censor rappers. We're not going to stop them from saying what they want to say. We're not going to stop Joe either. This is what he does. This is what he's always done.

We're going to leave him alone. And also what Netflix has made statements, you know, backing people up. That's been amazing. I'm glad they did that because they, well, also they took a giant fucking hit in their stocks. Their stock came fucking tumbling down when Elon was talking about how they're unwatchable because of their woke ideology. And then that Cuties movie, there was a bunch of things that happened where everybody's like, hey, hey, what the fuck are you guys doing? And so then they kind of reeled it in. And with the Dave Chappelle thing,

the Dave Chappelle thing pissed me off more than anything. Because first of all, Dave's a good friend and he's amazing. He's amazing guy he's an amazing comedian and the bits that he had on his show were not transphobic they just weren't what they were was him talking about someone that was a very close friend of his that committed suicide someone he cared about it was like almost like a love letter to a friend that committed suicide who happened to be transgender and along the way there's some jokes about it. And it's not transphobic.

He's never saying there's something wrong with these people, they shouldn't be that way, we should get rid of them. There's none of that. There's none of that in that. But no one cited any individual bits. That was the most fucked up thing about it. They didn't cite any individual bits. They didn't say, he said this and this is bad. They just put this blanket of transphobia on it.

And then a bunch of people chimed in, including other comics. It was weird. Which is just- Wild. No, that can't happen. It's all comics that sucked though. It was all comics that sucked. It was all comics. There was a few that are pretty decent, but they're captured by their woke crowd that had disparaging comments, not too specific. But there was a few that were terrible comedians that decided this was where they were going to declare war on good comedy. Somebody said, who is that?

It might have been Bobby Kelly said, we should be like we're in the mob. You just keep it shut. You talk to each other amongst each other. You don't go out publicly and say that, man. You can't do that. Well, the ones who do it are just terrible. You know, you see that all the time. The ones who are constantly attacking other comedians for their material, their act.

Generally speaking, they're not doing well. It's never people that are doing really well that are attacking people. It's always people that are struggling. Yeah, like you're not satisfied with what you're doing, so it's a projection. Well, it's like you try to bring people down because they're doing better than you. Yeah, it sucks. Like if you see someone and they're attacking someone like a Chappelle or a Chris Rock or someone who's like at the top of the game or Louie or Bill,

a lot of times those people are doing it and they're they're coming at it from a place of envy i actually just had a conversation with a comic about this last night he was shitting on this comic and i said hey man i'm like that guy is a nice fucking guy and he's funny he was shitting on john mulaney i was like he's a nice guy and he's a funny guy and just because you know he's doing well and you're not like don't don't come to me with that shit because you could be doing that about me when i'm not looking yeah and. And, and it's like, there's no reason for that. And there's plenty, there's like one, one success story is not going to hurt anybody else. If anything, man, it's just good for comedy. Exactly. Just good for comedy, man. Yeah. It's like, God bless you,

you know, go get it. Yeah. It's like, it's, I feel the same way about music. I feel the same way about films. Like there's films that I don't like but other people love. There's music that I don't enjoy but it's very popular. That's okay. I'm obviously very different than other people. Everybody's different. Some people are- Yeah, subjective.

Yeah. It's fucking- The world is filled with options and choices. The problem with comedy is everybody feels like other people's success somehow or another detracts from their own. Yeah. And so they compare themselves. Yeah.

What is that old, is it Thomas Jefferson who said that? Comparison is a thief of joy? I love that quote. But that's a great quote. That's a great quote. Comparison is a thief of joy. You start comparing your life and like, my God, man, you could be living in a third world country under the rule of a dictator, you know, with food rations barely getting by watching your children go hungry

instead you're out there killing it and you're upset because someone's killing it more than you and you just and just go your way a lot of guys try to like theodore roosevelt comparison is a thief of joy that's a good one it's a fucking great you know who's got great quotes is john wooden yeah oh he's got two of my favorites one is uh failure to prepare is preparing to fail it's a great one but another one is the greatest thing a man could do for his children is love their mother oh that's that one hits yeah if you go to a good one yeah that's a good one he's he's got some really good ones but going back to what you said, it's like I cut people like that out because, you know, coming up there would be people like, you know,

because I would be – the knock on me was always, oh, Verzi's too positive. Oh, Verzi's too positive. He's too happy. He's too positive. He's never – and people would – Who said that? Oh, dude. Like just –

Name, name. People would be like, oh, here goes Verzi, you know, glass half full. And that's how I am because, you know, look, man, I'll be honest. That's a weird knock. Yeah. That sounds like a positive quality. Yeah, but I saw it was because they didn't have it and it was a projection. You know, it was a projection because like, you know, and listen, I was as, you know,

insecure as could be, but you know what? You know what doesn't, it's like, it doesn't matter, man. Run your race. Yeah. You know what it reminds me of? There was a pitcher, you might know this pitcher, Mariano Rivera for the Yankees. Closer. Best pitcher, best relief pitcher of all time.

It's not even close. Best relief pitcher. When Mariano Rivera would come into a Yankee game, the percentage of them winning was 98%. He would just come in, and it was a fucking wrap, right? It was a wrap. And the reason why it was a wrap is because he reinvented himself after 97, and he threw what they call the cutter. He threw fucking rap, right? It was a rap. And the reason why it was a rap is because he reinvented himself after 97 and he threw

what they call the cutter. He threw a cutter, right? 94 miles an hour. Everybody knew it was coming and he would saw your fucking bat off and he would strike you out. You would see him. The point of this is you would see him in the bullpen showing pitchers how to throw it.

Everyone's like, do you have the best pitcher? And he would be there, but he was a very skinny, lanky guy. He would be showing other pitchers with to throw it everyone's like do you have the best picture and he would be there but he was a very skinny lanky guy he would be showing other pitchers with different body types they would go and it wasn't because that was his shit the way his mechanics the way his hips would turn the way his lanky arm would release it that's why his cutter was so effective so these other guys were the big fucking pitcher try to do it it wasn't effective and i always look at it's like when i hear comics try to do what other comics are doing like well look what that one's doing you always hear that too you always be at a comedy club you're well look what so-and-so's doing so-and-so's doing it's like do your shit do your path and if my path is that i'm too positive

and that i'm a fucking happy guy and i'm kind of content with my life and my family and shit and you're gonna knock that then knock it because i'll be, dude, I don't have time for it, man. I've been to hell. I've been to hell with anxiety and depression. I've been to hell with shit that happened when I was younger. What the fuck can you do to me? All it is is gravy for me. Nothing is going to hurt me because I've been to fucking

hell. So if I'm going to see some guy doing good or I'm going to see somebody going good, now if somebody does shit that's like I don't respect, I may go if me and you were smoking a stick, I'd be like, dude, I wouldn't fucking – I don't know if I would do that. Right. But it would never be in like a – because that's just not who I am. And if people want to knock that, but it's projection.

It's really projection of what people have going on with themselves. Yeah, there's a lot of that. It's a lot of just they don't like where they're at, and so they compare, and they don't like what other people are doing because it makes them think about what they're doing. You know, I used to not like alt clubs for that reason because you'd go to an alt club, and people would be mad if you tried hard.

Like, I remember there was some comics that were making fun of this guy for being so physical. Yeah, like, lazy shit was cool. Like, just staying up there and, like, you know, oh, just my friends were hanging. It's like, no. Really casual, low-energy comedy. Yeah, I remember I was talking to this guy.

He was making fun of Brewer. And I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? You know how funny Brewer is? And Brewer is all physical and energy, and he's all fucking, he's just a character. And he was killing. And they were like, you know, like you're fucking up there dancing. Like, what are you doing? Like, what do you mean, what is he doing?

He's being entertaining. Oh, you mean he's doing something that you don't have the fucking ability to do? Well, it's not even that they don't have the ability. They choose not to because then you're putting yourself out there, you mean he's doing something that you don't have the fucking ability to do? Well, it's not even that they don't have the ability. They choose not to because then you're putting yourself out there, you know? Oh, okay. So they don't want to release that. Well, I mean, maybe they don't have it in their personality. It looks like Stephen Wright didn't have energy, but he's still brilliant.

You know? You don't have to have energy. But some people, that's how they do it. Like, Kinison. You're trying to tell me Kinison should have been an alt comic? Like what the fuck are you saying? That was his whole thing, was that he had all this energy. You want to tell me that's not good comedy, you're out of your fucking mind.

Because he's one of the greats. Oh, dude. It's like there's different ways to do things. You just got to figure out what works best for you. And one of the best ways to figure out what works best for you is to concentrate on you. Don't concentrate on other people. Yeah, because, and everybody, even people that are doing good, were aware that person was, right? We all had that shit.

Yeah. Yeah, it's comedies, like, in a lot of ways, it's analogous to life. Like, the amount of energy that you spend focusing on yourself and trying to do better and being honest and objective, that's going to benefit you in all areas of your life. Because if you could apply that sort of strategy to other things, your friendships, your relationships, your job, whatever else you do outside of that, it's the same thing. Just do your best and try to figure out what's wrong with the parts that suck and try to make them better try to see if you know you can improve upon things like it's a constant process and in that constant process is there's a

lot of joy in yeah in watching things get better yeah no absolutely and and sometimes you need people outside of you to see it i remember my wife a couple of people i'm talking about that oh too positive to this and that they're not not doing comedy anymore. But I remember my wife would go, every time that person calls you, something happens to you. Like there's an angst. There's something like that. She would go, why don't you just get that person out of your life? But I had this thing like, hang on, and maybe I could, you know. But she was like, there's no reason for that.

No, people will rob you of your time. You have to be very careful about time vampires. Because there's people that will rob you. They'll just fill your time up with bullshit. I've had friends before that would just complain all the time, and it just got to the point where I was like, Jesus Christ, I can't keep this person in my life. All they do is complain. It's one thing if you're complaining. Burr complains a lot, but it's funny.

It's like he's complaining in a comedic style on purpose. Right. Like that's what he's doing. And it's great to be around. It makes you laugh. Oh yeah. But some people are just bitching about stuff and that shit doesn't get anybody anywhere. Yeah. It's funny when Bird does that sometimes I'll leave the joke and be like what happened? Did something happen on the way in?

Well he's got an interesting muscle because the way he does his podcast is really fascinating to me. It's him and Tim Dillon. They both have the same muscle and it's this rant muscle. It's one of the reasons why is because they do a podcast with no guest. So Bill will fill up hour and a half, two hours of just talking shit about things and the amount of premises that he pulls from that is are huge

Yeah, because he's always got this thing like he's aware that people are listening So he's got a kind of keep it moving constantly, and there's always something to talk about and in this Uninterrupted ranting style that he has it's like one of the best gardens for material because he could just pluck material out of that I remember when I started doing the the versi effect, which is a lot of the time alone. I don't go two hours, but a lot of time alone. And then sometimes with the guests. But he said to me, watch what happens to your stand up after. I remember he said, he goes, watch, watch how much better your stand up is going to

get after doing the podcast. And I remembered some things that I would talk about or I'd get excited about and start getting then all of a sudden you'd be on stage somewhere and you'd see something or feel something. Put the act aside. And then that muscle activates because that's what you're used to doing. And I said to him, holy shit, you're right. He's like, yeah, because you're really almost doing a show with nobody there. Right.

You're doing a show with nobody there. Yeah. And you got to keep it. Like you said, you got to keep it up. Yeah. The two guys that I know that do that, Tim Dillon and him, are two of the fucking best guys at coming up with new shit. I saw Dillon like about a month and a half ago, two months ago at the Vulcan.

Holy shit did he kill. I pulled him aside. I'm like, dude, you're on a whole new level. You're on a whole new level. And he's like, I've been doing The Road. And it's The Road, but it's also those goddamn podcasts that he does solo. Yeah, I think the combination of the two just give you something, man. Yeah, it's like, you know, you're aware that people are listening.

So it forces that muscle. It forces that muscle to grow. I should probably do a solo podcast, like one solo episode a month or something like that. It's just like really, yeah, just for material. Maybe I don't even release it. Yeah, probably you would fucking do it. It does something, man. Yeah, it's probably a good move.

Because just conversation skills, like you develop conversation skills from talking to people. Like, you know, like this kind of conversation. Yeah. So many people don't have conversation skills They're just not good at talking to people Yeah, a lot of comics are bad at it because I think about themselves all the time, right? Yeah, I I did a podcast once and I told a story of really funny story about being on a Judd Apatow thing and I was fucking and It was really awesome. And they were just

Thinking about what they were gonna say next and I saw it you know when you talk to somebody you just see their fucking eyes and you just and i'm and i'm telling this story and they're just and they go oh yeah so then i did and i'm like all right what the fuck yeah they're not connecting with your story at all then that's a real narcissistic and just whatever yeah that's the problem with comedy right there's a lot of that there's a lot of people that are just self-obsessed especially people that haven't quite gotten to a level where they're comfortable yet you know they're still like sort of and i think i know another reason why i think another reason why is because i don't think a lot of people have not not everybody i don't want to speak for everybody

but i think a lot of those people don't have other things like families and like things in their life you know because that's that's number one and when you see people that, you know, are living in a studio, one-bedroom apartment, running around, just doing spots, don't have anybody, it's just all me, me, you know, and then you're like, I'm going, you know. I remember one time somebody knocked me for having a family. They were like, what do you got now, Versi? Six kids? I'm like, no, still two.

You just have none. Your guy was making fun of you for having children? No, it was actually a female. Sure it wasn't Ari? No. Actually, he was like, Ari came up to my house with my son. He was so great with kids. The funny thing about Ari is he doesn't want kids.

He's amazing with kids. My kids love them. He's giving my kids high fives. They're playing wiffle ball in the backyard. I'm like, what are you? He would come over to my house and give my daughter t-shirts. Oh, yeah. He would give her cool t-shirts for her.

How good of a dad would that guy be? I think he'd be a great dad i know it's like he gets it in his head that he doesn't want the responsibility but he loves having a dog you know it's like he thinks it's going to take away from his fun and all that stuff but you know everybody's got their own path you do what you want to do yeah it's okay i think uh you know, comedy is what I do. It's not who I am. Who I am is, you know, and I look at it like that. Because if it's who you are and everything around you, then all you can be is narcissistic me, me, me.

Because that's what the business calls for. Yeah. Especially if you want to concentrate on your act, right? You're concentrating on yourself all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I think having a varied life is very important. Well, at least it is from my mind.

My mind needs other things to do. I can't just concentrate on one thing. I'm always, I've always have multiple things going on. Like when people say like, uh, I'm bored, I don't even know what that means. I can't, I don't have the ability to be bored. I have so many interests. There's always, I don't have enough days. I don't have enough hours in the day. I don't have enough. I wish I had multiple lives to live simultaneously. I would be a race car driver. I'd be a professional pool player. I would have a bunch of different things that I would do.

Are you one of those guys when you're home, like you'll build a deck and shit? No. No, I don't build a deck. No, I got friends that do that. They come home and they just start making shit. They start building shit. I'm just like. Well, that's cool too if that's what you're into. Yeah, I can't. I probably friends that do that. They come home and they just start making shit. They start building shit. I'm just like. Well, that's cool too if that's what you're into.

Yeah, I can. I probably would get into it. I bet if I started building a deck, I'd probably take great satisfaction in it. But I just don't. I also don't get into things that I know are going to take too much time because I don't have that. Like that's why I won't play golf. Oh, dude. Yeah.

Do you play? I just got. Bill just called me up and he goes verzi you're gonna be real fucking happy and he goes i just did this golf thing and i'm in and he goes we gotta even though we don't work together anymore he goes we gotta do something where we do one outing a year so oh yeah i i i because this is the thing about golf it gets a bad rap it's it's you versus your brain dude and and it really is and all these guys are like fuck golf golf it's like you know it's hard and you suck at it that's why and it takes a lot to get good at it and and it does because all it

is is your score getting lower and and joe it is the most mental because one inch wrong one turn wrong the fucking ball's gone and your score is shit and when you're sitting there and you go okay that's why tiger man when tiger was at the height and like remember the one tiger was i'm talking about when he was winning the masters by like 18 strokes the second guy was so far behind his mental thing he was like he just knew but you stand over that ball and you have to make a shot to save that hole it's it's a mental game between yourself and it's great it's amazing and i golf i was just actually talking to one of you guys out there that uh god there's good golf out here oh yeah do you play or no no no no jamie does that motherfucker's obsessed.

Are you? Jamie has a machine out back where he whacks golf balls into this giant net. Oh, nice. And it shows him on the computer how fast his drive is. What, you don't have that here, do you? Yeah, he does. Yeah, track man. In this thing?

This place is big. There's a lot of shit going on in this place. I'll show you afterwards. Can I whack a drive into the screen dude I'm it's what and here's the thing

golf is a four five hour mental break and you know when the best time to go I told him I go on Father's Day I tell my wife don't call

just don't call for five hours I'll come home oh yeah cause you know sometimes you're on the course and they're like hey you wanna pick up dinner

when you coming home what hole you on ruins it you know, sometimes you're on the course and they're like, hey, you want to pick up dinner? When you're coming home, what hole you on? Ruins it. You know, ruins it. You need a little escape. Yeah. It's an escape. It's a mental, it's a four-hour vacation, even when you're close to home, because it's

outdoors. You see wildlife. You just see shit running by. I bet it's awesome. And you can bring booze. Yeah. Sticks. I bet it's awesome.

It's like a fucking guy party. It's amazing. And when he says sticks, he means cigars, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of people are like, what is this stick talking about? Oh booze, sticks. I bet it's awesome. It's like a fucking guy party. It's amazing. And when he says sticks, he means cigars, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of people are like, what is this stick talk? Oh, yeah, yeah. East Coast. I'm sorry. Oh, is that?

Yes. East Coast cigar talk. A stick is a cigar. So, yeah. These are good, by the way. These Cohibas are very nice. Yeah, it's a Connecticut wrapper. Is that you out there?

No, no. Who's this? The guy, the thing you sent me. Oh, that's the guy with the fucking grizzly bear. Yeah. I sent this to Jamie. This guy's trying to nail this put, that's the guy with the fucking grizzly bear. Yeah. I sent this to Jamie. This guy's trying to nail this putt, and there's a literal fucking grizzly bear behind him. Where is this?

Do we know? No, but there's been a few videos like this where there's a lot of bears on courses. Can you make that bigger? Is that a brown bear or a black bear? That might be a black bear that's a color phase bear, which is not as dangerous. I don't know. That looks like a grizzly. That looks like a grizzly with the different shades of brown.

Well, you get that in black bears. Oh, do you? Yeah. They're called color-faced bears. Mammoth Mountain. Mammoth Mountain. Let's find out where that is. Where is that at?

Mammoth Mountain. Mammoth is in California. Mammoth? Oh, then it's a black bear then. If it's Mammoth Mountain in Mammoth, California? Okay. Yeah, that's Mammoth. That's Mammoth Mountain in Mammoth, California? Okay. Yeah, that's mammoth. Okay, yeah, well that's not as dangerous.

That's less dangerous. Not a lot less dangerous. When they attack you, generally they're trying to eat you. The difference between them and grizzly bears, when grizzly bears attack you, usually it's because you startled them like you ran across a mama in the Cubs or yeah someone

Yeah, if you're near we had a black bear going to my wife's garden and he ripped the flick the Hulk dude He ripped the bars and he went in and he ransacked the place and she was devastated She put this beautiful garden together and this thing just where was this destroyed it long island. No. No, I live in northern Westchester Oh, there's black bears out there. Yeah, there's black bears out there and bobcats. There's a lot of black bears in Jersey. Jesus Christ. Yes, Jersey has a lot. Check this out real quick.

Sorry, what are you talking about? There's another one? Well, this guy's hitting a drive, but there's a bear right here. Right. Watch what happens after he hits it. Oh, whoa. It rushed him? Yeah.

Dude, that was... That's pretty gnarly. That is nuts. Why did it rush him? I wonder why it rushed him. It's a loud-ass noise. I think the sound, yeah. It still doesn't make sense that it would rush him.

That's kind of dumb for him to do that, though, dude. I got to be honest, because that's a little too close to make a sound like that next to that thing. Is this baby with the behind the baby? Maybe that's why. Is there a baby there? Oh, yeah. There might have been a cub there.

Yeah, when you see a bear with a cub, just get the fuck out of there. Just get the fuck out of there. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, go in the car. Go fuck. Yeah. You know how your wife is with your kids? She saw something.

Get the fuck out of there. Women get crazy around their kids. And my wife doesn't fuck around. My wife will fuck, yeah. You know how your wife is with your kids. She saw something, get the fuck out. Women get crazy around their kids. And my wife doesn't fuck around. My wife will fuck somebody up, man. Yes. It's mama bear instincts. That's what it is. Yeah.

My wife is a strong woman and does not, yes. She would, she said the other day, she said if somebody, she just gave me, she goes, if somebody hurt our children, she goes, I would rip their fucking head off. And I was just like, all right. I had a conversation with brewer about this once like it was like right after he had kids and he goes i understand murder now i could never understand murder he goes once i had a kid like oh i i understand murder yeah yeah i could murder somebody who harmed my children. Yeah, I watch a lot of crime shows. I'm really big on that.

Are you a girl? I'm a bit. No, I watch. I'm obsessed with serial killer shit. I love it. Isn't it wild that girls like those? Well, they fall in love with them. Well, some girls.

But most women, they're watching those true crime shows. They're not getting wet. I don't know why they watch them. I just have. But I can't watch the ones, like the forensic files and shit. I can't watch the ones with the kids. I just can't. I can't know why they watch them. I just have, like, but I can't watch the ones, like, the forensic files and shit. I can't watch the ones with the kids. I just can't. I can't.

That's another level. That's something that I just can't do it, man. No, it's awful. It's sick. Yeah, that's like a level of sickness that's just fucking, yeah, I don't want to bring shit down. It's a wonder, like, if we need evil in the world to appreciate love. Like, you know, there's's this like balance balance of life there's a balance of life that i don't want evil in the world right but i mean is it possible to have a world with no evil like we've literally never had

a world with no war which is wild if you think about it i guess technically speaking if you go back to the most primitive of primitive man they couldn't wage war because they were just trying to find food. But I'm sure they attacked each other. Yeah. They definitely had violence. There's never been a time. Like giraffes even beat the fuck out of each other. Yeah.

Like every animal. Dinosaurs. They beat the fuck out of each other. Animals have always competed with other animals. And unfortunately for humans, the ultimate game of competition is to conquer land and conquer villages and conquer countries and shit. And that's the ultimate form of a competition, like trying to physically take, like that's what's going on right now in Ukraine.

Like Russia's trying to physically take Ukraine. They want to take control of this country, this sovereign nation that used to be part of the Soviet Union. What do you think is going on with that? Because I asked somebody, I go, what? I go, is it Ukraine? I said something along the lines of, I give Ukraine credit, man. And the guy just goes, the guy I was talking to, he just goes, ah, you know, Putin.

Like, in other words, Russia could do it if they wanted to do it. Like, Putin is just kind of like playing this game. And it's like, I don't know about that. What game is it? Yeah, like, you like, I don't know about that game. Is it? Yeah. Like, I don't know what, I know Russia is more powerful, bigger, but the, the really scary thing is if it keeps ramping up, I mean, how long can those people take it? I know, you know, and then we keep sending them stuff. It's like, what are we doing? Are we, we, we having a war by proxy or we, are we supplying them in a sense? Are we part of the war? Like what the fuck is happening?

And where can this go? And if I was the aliens I would be paying very close attention now. I'd be like oh this is not good. You got this evil dictator who kills his rivals and he has cancer allegedly. Oh does he? Yeah supposedly he has blood cancer. Oliver Stone said he had cancer

when Oliver Stone went to interview him years ago. He had cancer then. Oh, wow. So it's very likely that he has cancer. And aren't they saying he's losing it a little bit? I mean, he must be losing it now because the economy's destroyed. Russia is

in this state of isolation from the other nations other than China's eyeing it very carefully. Yeah. From what I understand, it's like some of these Chinese interests are divesting in the West, which is also very scary. Because if they're looking at the way we do sanctions on the Russians, they might say,

you know what? There's a weakness that we rely on America and the West for money. And maybe what we should do is sell all that stuff off and then attack Taiwan. At what point do we just stop giving to them? I don't know. I guess everyone's just trying to have some sort of harmonious relationship.

The really fucked up thing is that we need them for stuff and we don't want to think about it. We need them for cheap labor for cell phones and stuff, not even cheap. I mean, it's essentially almost like slave labor. Like, like what are they, we don't even know, like what are they doing with the Uyghur Muslims? What are they doing with these people that they have in prison camps? What are the, were they making any of our stuff? Are we buying, how much stuff are we buying that's being manufactured by slaves? Yeah. And, and you know, I went, as you were saying that, what about that WNBA player that's being manufactured by slaves. Yeah, and, you know, as you were saying that,

what about that WNBA player that's still there? Crazy. Another six months, and it's like, what the fuck, man? Is that what they're saying? They just said that she's got another, she's going to be detained for another six months. They just said that? They just said that, like, two days ago.

And I just saw that, and it's like, that's not good, man. Oh, my God. That's like, you know, get her out. Like, can we do, get her out of there i don't know what we could do they want to trade her for an arms dealer what is this britney griner appears in court and gets detention in russia extended for six more months that's that's fucking really insane man it's really brutal man and all she she had a cbd vape pen which is wild that is yeah like wild right i mean she's got a vape pen for I

mean she's a fucking professional athlete people that love her probably are going is she ever coming back like that's imagine love it like her wife is going like trying to talk to Biden going like can we get her back yeah I think they wanted to trade her for an arms dealer there's an arms dealer that we have in detention like an illegal arms, and they wanted to trade her for him, and they keep saying no. I don't know what they're doing. A vape pen? Yeah.

It's like she had a kilos of cocaine or something. A vape pen is like... Whoa. She could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted. Oh, my God. The pending outcome of a trial is scheduled to start on Friday. She made an appearance in Russian court with order to stand trial on cannabis possession

charges following her arrest more than four months ago. So she's going to be in there a year at least. Sullivan said on Tuesday that he and the Secretary of State Anthony Blinken have both spoken in the last few days with Griner's wife

to convey our very deep That ain't helping. Sherelle Griner last week said she hasn't spoken to her wife since February and that she tried to call through the U.S. Embassy in Russia for their anniversary, but they were never connected. Fuck. Yeah, dude. It's bad, man.

That's horrible, man. It's over nothing. It's like she's the clearest form of political prisoner. She really is. You know what's weird? As I saw me, I was walking in the hallway with her at Mohegan Sun, and I just saw her, and just, like, thinking that she's over there in Russia. It's just a really bizarre thing for nothing, man.

And what do you think they're keeping? You think they're, like, taking, like, you think it's, like, a good situation? Like, comfortable? It's a publicity thing. It's to let, they're showing their big dick. Like, fuck you. We'll just keep your girl and we'll lock her up in a cage. Fuck you.

Biden could get her out. He should get her out. He's got to be able to get her out. Yeah. Right? Like, is there? I mean, I don't know. I don't, I don't understand.

And I'm not saying that shit. No, listen, I'm one of these, like, I'm one of these Americans that I root for every, every president. I'm like, I root for every president. Like, I'm not, you know, I mean, obviously we goof on presidents as comedians, but I root for fucking, I want everybody to do good. Well, if they do well, the country

does well. Yeah. Yeah, supposedly. Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm not a very political person in that sense. I would like them to work this out, but I think it's just a part of a bigger problem. The bigger problem is that Russia's invaded Ukraine. Like, if she went over there a year and a half ago, it would have been no big deal.

Nobody would have given a shit. You know, they wouldn't have detained her for that, I doubt. I don't see an outcry, like, enough, though, to get her back from, like, it's weird. Well, the other thing is homosexuality is illegal in Russia, too. Isn't it? Is it illegal? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Look at that. in Russia too. Isn't it? Is it legal? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Look at that. Freeing Griner, according to speculation raised in Russian news media, could require the U.S. to free Viktor Bout, a Russian arms trader nicknamed the Merchant of Death. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

He was arrested in 2008 after undercover agents asked Bout to sell them missiles capable of shooting down American planes and other weapons that could kill American Troops he was arguably the largest and most sophisticated arms trafficker on the globe when he was arrested Michael Braun the DEA's former chief of operations told Yahoo Sports in May He was a guy who could deliver virtually anything with certainty to any bad actor all over the world or virtually anything with certainty to any bad actor all over the world.

So that's what they want. A woman who's a professional basketball player who just had a CBD vape pen, and they want to trade her for a guy who sells murder weapons to killers. What was she doing there? They were playing a game? There was a game? I don't know. A lot of the WNBA players play over there during their offseason because they only play during the summer here.

They make more money playing in Europe. Jesus. I didn't go to Italy because I was afraid of Russia, let alone playing fucking basketball there, dude. You didn't go to Italy because you're afraid of Russia? No, me and my wife, we were going to go to Italy. When was this? No, right when this thing broke out.

Yeah? When this thing broke out. I wanted to take my family to Sicily and Greece because that's what I am. I'm Greek and Sicilian. So I told the kids and Stacey, I go, let's go and let's go to Greece. Sicily, we'll have a good time. And then this, all this like, is World War III, I'm talking about at the very beginning when we were about to book.

Is World War III coming? And my wife was kind of like, should we book this shit? And stupidly, I didn't. But, you know know i wish that i did because i see people in the coliseum taking pictures and shit and everybody's having a good time in italy and we didn't do it have you been to the coliseum yeah it's fucking wild man it's so run down and beat up yeah but like you just look in the middle there you the history of what went down there dude yeah it's fucking wild yeah did you do the Vatican? Yep. That's wild, too.

But my favorite place on Earth is Venice. You've been to Venice? Yeah, yeah, I've been to Venice. I fucking loved it, man. It's pretty interesting. It's very touristy. Apparently, they're going to stop the boats from coming in, though, because they have these cruise ships come in, and then they just dump out thousands of people, and they

just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they fart everywhere and buy stupid t-shirts and then get back on the boat. But the problem is the congestion that comes from it and the pollution of the water and all that stuff. Apparently, they're doing something to mitigate the amount of cruise ships. But Venice itself is spectacular. Yeah. Remember when the water got cleared up after all that? Mm-hmm.

The water got cleared up after COVID and fucking- Dolphins returned. Yeah. It's unbelievable yeah well that's what's gonna happen when we die i did a cruise to uh i did a cruise there too i flew to venice and then we did a cruise back to the to yeah yeah like transatlantic four days nothing but ocean oh nice scary dude was it yeah it was one night we caught a bad thing 18 foot waves were blasting windows out oh yeah and

and my father is very he loves dressing up so there was one night where people were throwing up and shit you just heard like i'm not joking and everybody had trays outside their thing and my dad is sitting in the fucking dining room with his tux on with a big smile on his face just so happy to fucking be there eating dressed up he because that's all he wants to do my father cares about food and dressing up that's it if a man is in a pair of sweatpants he can't he's just like I can't I can't even yeah he's he's a he's another type of dude man that's funny yeah he's a he's we all got fitted for suits today for this Vegas show that's what we're doing when you got here Hans

Kim and Tony and Brian Simpson Brian's probably here right now and then you know it's like we decided we're doing this big Vegas show. Let's fucking dress up. Let's dress up nice. So, you know, we got a tailor to come down and get everybody's suits. Oh, dude, if my dad walked in when I did, he'd be like, good for this kid knows. Good for this guy. This fucking kid knows what he's doing.

That's what you do. If my father was a comic, he would probably be three-piece suit. Did your dad like John Wick? John Wick gets dressed up when he's about to kill people. Oh, yeah. He puts a tie on when they're about to come into his house and he's about to kill everybody. My dad had a fur coat on in a fucking pizzeria, like in August. He said one thing.

One thing he said, Joe, I never heard. This is one of the most gangster things. My dad is a sight when you see him okay he's a he's a presence it's just dressed up it's overly like the hair the like he's just my big gaudy jewelry gaudy fucking jewelry he goes he goes you know he goes i talked about this in the special he goes you know i don't go for this hip-hop shit you know that right and i go yeah dad nothing about you says and he goes goes, but these rappers, they know their jewelry. He goes, I was watching one of these shitty videos,

but they fuck because he likes that. But this woman's staring at him. He's got a fur collar, like a suede thing with a fur collar, and this woman is just staring at him. And he just stops, and he looks at her, and he goes, I owe you money? And she goes, excuse me, what? He goes, no, I'm just curious. Do I owe you money? Because the last person that stared at me like goes, I owe you money? And she goes, excuse me, what? He goes, no, I'm just curious.

Do I owe you money? Because the last person that stared at me like that, I owed her money. And she just fucking froze. He goes, okay, have a good day. And got in the car and she just fucking, I never said anything like it. He just said, do I owe you money? And she just goes, no, why? He goes, why are you looking at me like that?

The last person that looked at me like that. But see, my dad always talked to me against the mob. That's the one thing. He would always he because he knew them because he was Sicilian But he would always be like you can't get out of that yeah peace You know you it's it's street stuff You got it you're smarter than that use your mind like he would always do that my grandmother went to jail for bookmaking Did she yeah, she was running numbers my grandmother was running no yeah, and what we uh we would always go where's grandma oh she's visiting aunt marie you know and like she was in jail knitting for the guards she

wouldn't she wouldn't say shit to anybody are you italian yeah mostly yeah three quarters italian one quarter irish what you're more italian than i am. Yeah. Holy shit. Sicilian or Northern? Most, mostly that, yeah. It's, like, my grandmother, I think, was part. And she was just a gangster old lady. She wouldn't rat on anybody, so they kept her in jail for six months. What? That's crazy. Your grandmother was a fucking numbers runner? Yeah, my grandmother ran numbers.

She was a gambling addict. She would always want to talk to me about the numbers. I was going to play 5-4-3, and I said to myself, I'm going to change it to 2. 5-4-2, and 5-4-3 came in. It was one of those things. She would always think she was psychic, too. It was really interesting, because she never could predict anything. What neighborhood?

It was in New Jersey, Newark. They lived in Newark. They were, they lived in, we lived on North 9th Street. I lived with them actually when I first moved to New York. It was a real wake up call for me. That was a very important moment in my life because my grandmother had an aneurysm and she should have saw that coming too if she was psychic, right? Right. aneurysm. And she should have saw that coming too if she was psychic, right? She had an aneurysm

outside and she fell and she was there for hours before anybody knew. My grandfather came home, he found her, they ambulance, the whole deal. They gave her, they think they gave her 72 hours to live and she lived for 12 years. Wow. She's a tough, tough old broad, but she was hurting and she was in agony and she couldn't move. She had bed sores. And there was a full-time nurse at the house and my grandfather would have to take care of her. And I remember just realizing, like, life is fucking fleeting. Life is fleeting.

And here I was. I was 23, 20, somewhere around there, 24 maybe. And I had moved to New York because I I just signed with my manager and I needed a place to stay. And so my grandfather said, come stay with me. So I stayed with him in New York, in New Jersey rather. And New Jersey where they lived in the 1940s was a Italian neighborhood. It was all Italian.

Like there was still some bakeries in that area. Yeah. But they, um, they did this thing called blockbusting where they would go door to door and say, hey, black people are moving into this neighborhood. The real estate values are going to crash. Sell your house now. And they got everybody to sell their house. My grandfather was like, fuck you. I like black people. Get out of here. And so he was like this one Italian guy that lived in this neighborhood and it was originally all black people moved in and then it became other immigrants like Dominicans and Puerto

Ricans and the like. And when I was there, the kid next door was selling crack and the kid next door was a drug dealer and they battering rammed his house. He had an Audi, a nice Audi. I remember looking out the windows, guys like this fence and fucking locks and everything. He's got a nice Audi there. What is this guy doing? He was selling drugs. And, um, my grandfather just lived this life for the last days of his life where he's just taking care of my grandmother. And then when my grandmother finally eventually died, he died like a year later. Like, yeah, just riddled with sadness and it was horrible.

He just was lost, you know? But it was, for me as a young man, just starting this dream of trying to be a comic and being around people that were at the last chapter, the last few pages of their story, it was like a real wake up call. Like, you got to do something in this life. You got to go out there and take advantage of this youth and this, you know, the fact that you have a healthy life, you have a healthy body, you can still, you're active,

you can still do things because you can be like your grandmother. Yeah, yeah. You just brought me back to, you know you think about life dude and how quick and how wild it is but you know 2016 was one of the worst years of my life i talked about a little bit on a honeydew with ryan sickler i love ryan and um but shout out to ryan i love that yeah i love ryan sickler but no dude 2016 i caught caught this darkness that i just didn't fucking know why or how because you know My not on my father's side, but my mother's side the Greek side is a lot of Greeks are very I'm sure

I don't know if you honest talked about the Greeks are very neurotic Anxiety-ridden always kind of you know worry my mother was a worrier if something happened on the news Somebody fell down a stair you can't go to stairs. You can feel like that was but always always always and So you get that mental thing from that side but dude i was in a 90 day clinical like over what did something cause it yeah my well what happened was i was going through something mentally and it was causing my body to do things and i thought that it was my body what was going through what were you going through mentally so um i just was getting real i was just getting really sad and

i was just getting over nothing over i i started feeling like something was wrong with me physically but it was my ocd and my mind telling me that so my body and my muscles started to things started to get weak and i started to feel something was wrong and i would tell my wife something's wrong she was nothing's wrong and it just kept going and going and dude i was in a bedroom for 90 days going to get a glass of water was the fucking biggest task in the world and i couldn't even look at my kids because i didn't think i'd be around i didn't think i'd see him grow up jesus christ so there was nothing physically that was happening just something nothing caused it i went to the doctor i was on stage in hartford connecticut

and i'm on stage having a monster set and i'm and and I'm having an out-of-body experience I'm in a full-fledged panic attack oh my god I saw you're killing I saw tables laughing and and so oh we're here to see you tonight I saw tables laughing I was in a full-fledged panic attack and it was like I was standing next to myself and I was dizzy and I didn't want to fall down so I kind of put my hand on something and I drove home 100% convinced I had a brain tumor oh my god so I called a doctor and doctors like I go I have and I and I told my wife I said I have a brain tumor oh my god and they were like what so I went to the doctor for weeks and he goes Paul I and he sees they put me he's like if this is what it's going

to take so I went to the scan and I'm going through a brain tumor and I was like in the waiting with my brother and I'm hugging him I'm saying i love you i go dude they're going to find out they're going to find out some shit right now and uh and they didn't and then all and then and then it went to something for 90 days and i was like so when you found out that you didn't have a brain tumor was it a relief at all it was a relief for the moment but then it was something else i was in this place where i couldn't i couldn't accept from professional doctors okay that that something wasn't wrong with me and it was 90 days and my kids were like just you know dad still and i was just like dad i'll get better but it was it took 90 days i didn't think i was coming out of it and then i realized that it was

on my mind and it was and it was a really deep bad depression man real fucked up and it was at that moment when i got better i was like fuck it dude anything you know so nothing caused it there was no like trigger the therapists say that something probably was happening and going on that i you know that i don't even know they were trying to talk to me talk to me about things when i was younger and stuff but i i just it was it started physical and my mind went to something wrong with an illness and and i was in i was in a dark place and my wife was i was gone do you run do you ever do cardio or anything like that that's what that's what they told me that they told me to do that i was yeah going to the track and running and trying to get that help it helped a little bit

yeah it definitely helped a little bit and started to slowly get me out of it when i did it so it was really hard to get up and do it and they told me to walk my dog first that was the first step doctor said go walk your dog for a long time. But I would have panic attacks while I was walking him and shit. Jesus Christ. Yeah, man, and then I got out of it and I got better and I got stronger.

And I had friends, good friends, to be there for me and talk to me about it. But dude, it was like 90 days. I don't think I was coming out of it. And then after that, I was like, and then I learned a lot. I read a lot about mental health lot i read a lot about mental health i learned read a lot about ocd anxiety and uh because i'm not a fully depressed person but

it goes to that with with the anxiety and the ocd and uh and it's something that i think is in my family so i try to fight it you know do you think it's the way you were raised do you think it's a genetic thing i think both i think that i think that the what happened to me you know the way you were raised do you think it's a genetic thing i think both i think that i think that the what happened to me you know the way things went down when i was younger and then also some things maybe on my mom's side yeah but uh yeah it would it would it would suck man it would suck to be there because it was because i'm gonna have what hurt was like and i would never kill myself see that's that's what like i was so bad that i was like i understand why somebody would do that but i would never do that.

So now I'm really sad because I'm just going to live in this. Jesus. And I was like, is this ever? Because once, like three months, and then I actually learned that it was like a 90 day. You can be depressed for that. And that was the first time it happened that bad. But when I got out of it, I was like, fuck this, dude. I'm like, life is too, you know, my mom had stage four cancer when i was younger too

that's what uh actually janice said that that's what he thinks it's from when in 1997 my mom got diagnosed with a rare stage four cancer and she was on her way out but the dana farber institute in boston came up with a test drug and she's alive today because of it wow a hundred people took the test drug wow and it worked on 26 and she was one of them and then it whittled down to 10 and she was one of them and right now she's still one of them. And then it whittled down to 10, and she was one of them. And right now, she's still one of them. The cancer's completely dormant and shrunken. And my mother would have been gone 20-something years. But I got that news when I was a senior in high school.

I came home. There was ambulances, state troopers all in front of the fucking house. It was like a movie. You pulled up. I was in fourth period gym. And they said, Paul, we don't want to alarm you, but your mother's in some kind of situation. You've got to go home. And I went home, and I pulled up the street street and i just saw state troopers and ambulances and uh my mother's best friend goes

she's all right she's and my mother was like pale white on a gurney and uh she didn't want me going in the ambulance with her and i found out she got like some kind of blow yeah all over the ambulance and shit so uh so some people think when i when that i thought that maybe when i thought something was wrong with me that was it and that's what triggered it you know but uh yeah it was it was a really hard thing and and sometimes i still deal with it but it's a good thing for you to talk about because there's a lot of people that don't understand what that's like and they don't understand like how a person who is a successful comic who's doing well you have a family you're loved how could that be possible yeah it's like the mind is a strange thing man it's it's hard

to understand there's people that are like super super successful that are just a mess and it doesn't it doesn't need to make sense like the mind it's the mind is just like other parts of your body like you could get like a pinched nerve and your arm doesn't work right anymore because there's something wrong with your body. Well, there could be something wrong with your mind too. Yeah. You know, your dopamine levels could be low. Your serotonin levels could be low. There could be something wrong.

And then it just triggers it. And nobody, you know, what people know about the mind is so fucking confusing. Even like when I've had friends that got on SSRIs and antidepressants and shit And it saved them and you know it's one of the reasons like I'm very hesitant to say that people should take medication But I have friends that have taken medication and it changed their life It really did I have one buddy mine that I stood jiu-jitsu with He was like fucking really depressed and he was an alcoholic and he was a mess and then he started taking medication and like some sort of SSRI and

It got him out of the funk and then he started doing well in his life And then he started doing jiu-jitsu and jiu-jitsu sort of became his medication and he got really good at jiu-jitsu and along the way While he was getting really good at jiu-jitsu. He slowly weaned his way off of the medication and then became Functioning and normal. So it did help him and save him. He used it as like a cane to help him walk again. And then he eventually got rid of the cane. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I had to take something for the OCD because I would get stuck in the thought. What kind of, what did they give you? There was this drug called Luvox and I took a very low dose of it and it would take the edge off because I would get stuck in the thought where I'd be in a hotel, and I would sit in a bed, and I'd have a thought, and I would fucking just be sitting there being like, well, why am I thinking this? And the drug actually helped me to be like, dude, just fucking go. Just move on. And so I've learned all that stuff, and I have a really good understanding. I had my first panic attack.

I didn't realize it, but my mother – I had my first panic attack in the third grade and i thought i was gonna die i was in third grade yeah i was sitting on the couch i remember like i remember it right now where i remember the pattern on the fucking couch it was third grade and it was a panic that came over me i started looking around as a little kid i didn't know and i called my mom i was crying i said and i started to and my mom got upset because she has anxiety and so so yeah and they said that that was because of what was going on as a kid jesus i'm not trying to not i'm not trying to bring this fucking thing you know but uh but you got me talking about it and and you know um when i talked about it before people called me up and said hey man like thank you like you let me realize it's okay and that that's the

reason why i talk about it a lot is because when you get a message from somebody going hey man you helped me but yeah man i was in a really dark place and it was when i was doing well i remember i remember right before like a year before i remember i was on the road with uh burr and burgos dude you're getting ready for a special man this material is coming together and like things were going good and and then all of a sudden man it's just everything went you know and my wife was like you gotta go you gotta talk to somebody something's going on so uh, I try to deal with it. I still deal with it sometimes. And then sometimes I'm just out of it for a while.

But what you said is running and doing things like that. Cardio. Cardio's big for it. Cardio's a big one. They found that cardio, well, any kind of rigorous exercise is just as effective as antidepressants, if not more effective on a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah.

Because there's something that happens to your body when your body's too sedentary. I don't think it's normal and natural for people to not exert their body. And I think when you don't do anything with your body, your body tends to like malfunction. It tends to like have like weird shit go wrong with it. Yeah. Yeah. And it could be the mind. Like, cause you know, you think there's all sorts of endorphins that get released during exercise. Like there's many times where I'm not feeling good and then I work out and then I feel so good. I feel so happy and so nice.

Like that's one of the things that made me like so much nicer person is like sticking to a rigorous exercise routine. Cause I, you know, I grew up, um, my parents split up when I was five and there's domestic abuse in my house and I just I've always had this like tension about like violence and and and chaos and not being protected and stuff and the only thing and like it makes you like an angry person and the only thing that saved me was exertion like when I would exert myself when I would work out like in martial arts in particular afterwards I was the nicest person in the world I was the nicest person the world it was just like it made me my mom still talks about

to this day she's like there's two use there's you before you started training and then there's you afterwards you like she was you became a different person Wow because when I was like 14 I was like fucking angry kid just angry confused insecure kid and then I started training and then when I the martial arts was like the first thing that I ever did where I didn't feel like a loser where I was like oh I can get good at things like I'm I'm really good at this like this I got praise for being good you know and I got praise for my instructor it became a big deal and then I, oh, I can't just sit around. Like, half of the reason why I work out a lot is not just I like to look good and be, you know, healthy physically.

That's true, too. But it's my mind. I can't leave that motherfucker alone. Like, that motherfucker needs to go for a run. Like, he needs to do stuff. I don't trust it. You stuff. I don't trust it You know, I don't I don't trust my mind. My mind is Primitive, you know, it's just there's a lot of shit in there that it just needs to get out

But when I get it out I get out in healthy productive ways and then my body stays healthy My mind is clear. I can think things through better, but it makes me a nicer person That's like the most important part through better but it makes me a nicer person that's like the most important part of it it made me way nicer yeah so were you were you on edge like to fight people before that or like were you like when you were angry and you felt like you said the word that hit me when you said you felt unprotected yeah you know and i felt unprotected too and yeah well you broke up with your your parents break up and you're not around your dad and you know like no one's protecting you there not around your dad and, you know, like no one's protecting you.

There's that feeling. And, you know, they both are cool and realize that the way they were going at each other probably isn't, you know, they wish they wouldn't have been like that. But, you know, my mom said when I was really young, I would wake up like really upset thinking something was going to happen to her. Yeah. You know, and the protection thing is a big thing. It's scary because you lose your dad. Your dad's not with you anymore and your mom's the only person there. And then if your mom gets sick or something happens to your mom, like, oh, fuck.

My stepdad came in, and he was a great dude. He stuck with my mom. Mine, too. That helped a lot, too. Having a stepdad there helps, man, for sure. My stepdad is still with my mom, and they've been together for fucking forever, since I was five. They have a great relationship. They do all kinds of stuff together. They rarely even argue about things. And they're been together for fucking forever, since I was five. They have a great relationship. They do all kinds of stuff together.

They rarely even argue about things. And they're in Jersey? No, they're here now. Oh, they're here? They're here in Texas. Okay. They're all coming. You're getting everybody out.

That's got to be cool to have your mom out here. It's cool, yeah. But let's be honest. It's cool that she doesn't have to worry about stuff. But let's be honest, Joe. The Italian bakeries out here can't be that good. I mean, come on. I don't eat bread.

You don't have to worry about the cannolis and shit? No. If they got rid of the butcher shops, I'd have a real problem. But I mean, I eat a lot of meat that I hunt. You hunt, huh? Yeah. What do you hunt? Mostly elk. That's my do you hunt? Mostly elk.

That's my favorite. I never tasted elk. I'll get you some. Yeah? Yeah, if you lived out here, I'd cook for you. Dude. Next time you come here, we have a kitchen now in the gym. We have a gym here, and we have a Traeger grill set up in the kitchen.

So the Traeger grill, they're fixing the vents for it now to make sure. Oh, that's awesome. Because it's a smoker, so the smoke has to go through a vent through the ceiling and shit like that. But yeah. Um, yeah, I don't eat bread. So like the bakery thing is great, but I was in LA and, uh, there's this place, uh, in, in, in, um, uh, Venice called Felix. It's my favorite restaurant in America. It's fucking amazing and The head chef this guy Evan funky. He's been on my podcast before he's amazing and he's just a Fantastic chef and he just started up this new place in LA called mother wolf

you know, that's like the the it's it's about Rome like his his food is all Roman spired and Like his food is all Rome inspired. And the mother wolf is like the, see if you can find this, like the origin story of Rome is something about. Yeah, there's two brothers, Romulus and Remus. They were put in a basket and a wolf found them and raised them. And that's where Rome comes from. Yeah. So mother wolf.

Oh, that's cool. Is the name of his restaurant. But anyway, it was all pasta and pizza. It was fucking phenomenal. I ate it all. I ate it all. I'll eat it on occasion. But when I eat it, it's just for pleasure.

Yeah, that's the Mother Wolf. Yeah, wild, man. That's wild. They're sucking off the tit of a wolf. Oof. Jeez. Yeah, it's a crazy origin story. of a wolf.

Oof. Jeez. Yeah. It's a crazy origin story. Do you like, so being out here, like being in Austin, do you, did you do everything you could do out here or you still got stuff to do out here in Austin? Like what? What do you mean? Like just with what is offered out here.

Like what, what, what is offered out here other than, I mean like the comedy scenes, I know the comedy scene is incredible. Comedy scene is awesome. But you're out in the suburbs, you're in the suburbs, right? Yeah. I'm pretty close to here. Oh, you are? I mean, everything is close around here.

The thing is there's no traffic. What they call traffic is a fucking joke. It took me five more minutes to get to work. I listened to a whole extra song. Like, it's fucking the fuck out of here. You don't know what traffic is. But there's only a million people here. There's a million people here and then another million in the surrounding areas.

It's like it's not that many people. So everyone is nicer. Like it's a nicer place to be. I don't know if I would have – I don't think I would have been the same person if I grew up here. Because I think there's something about growing up on the East Coast, cold, hard winters, and like people that are aggressive and fucking getting shit done. Get the fuck out of here. And for comedy, growing up out there was phenomenal because doing stand-up in Boston, those motherfuckers

have zero attention span for bullshit. You better come with the fucking punchlines. If you see comics from Boston, the guys who started out there, guys like Burr, Nick DiPaolo, and fucking, all those guys are killers. They're just bang, bang, bang, punchline, punchline, punchline. Because that's how you had to be back then. Because those people, here people are a little kinder, a little nicer. You probably get away with a little bit more.

It's just, I think growing up in a place where the winters fucking suck is really good for your character. You have to have that. If you wake up every day 75 fucking California weather, you're weaker. There's something to that. 100% there is. There's something about getting up and having somebody go, you better go shovel that foot of fucking snow and get out there and do all that shit outside. That makes you a stronger person for sure. I love that shit.

Yeah, there's something to that. But Texas is different. It's like the people are very friendly here. It's a different thing. They're very polite, even the way they drive. There's a few assholes every now and then, but that's just a part of being a person. But people let you in their lane. They wave to you.

I have a guy in my neighborhood. And this guy is this older guy who's always working on his garden. And every time I drive by, this guy waves. Yeah. I don't know this dude, but every time he drives by, he puts his hand up. I put my hand up. I look forward. When I'm driving, I go, there's that guy, and we're going to wave at each other.

Oh, dude. I drive by. I give him that. He gives me that. There's something about that. Yes. Just with a neighbor you don't know. Yeah.

Don't, you know? I don't know that guy, but he's I love him Yeah, I did well. I know I'm getting older too not not from physical shit, but from shit I say right like little little things I say like I go to this cafe all the time and I love talking to older people I love talking to 60 70 year old people that lived I just love it, but I love the fun shit that they do so this guy He always sees me. He likes me. Older Italian guy. And he goes like this.

He goes, hey, Paul, how you doing? And Joe, without even thinking, I just go, if I was doing any better, I'd be you. And I pointed. And he goes, and I loved it. And I swear to God, he just goes, if I was doing any better. I like that. That was the old, I was like, oh, I'm in my 40s. But I loved it.

I loved that because it was a quick thing. It was like old man shit. Old man shit. Oh, dude, I'm in my 40s. But I loved it. I loved that because it was a quick thing. It was like old man shit. Old man shit. Oh, dude, old man shit is the best. I was playing golf with this guy, right? I hit the ball. It starts out low. And then, Jamie, you know those ones that start gliding,

but then all of a sudden, right? And he just goes, this old guy comes in. He goes, oh, it's the mother-in-law's shot. I go, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, the further away it gets, the better it looks. And I just was like, what? But it's like corny, dumb shit, but those old guys have a good time, man.

Well, there's a thing, a camaraderie of saying stupid shit to people, like with each other. You know, he's saying things like that to each other. It's like we're agreeing to be nice to each other. It's almost not about the thing. Right, right, right. Yes, like even when you talk sports.

Yeah. You know, dude, you see who they drafted last night all the time we're just trying to talk yeah yeah yeah but i love that because that's life that's like yeah that's living man yeah you know because that's a guy that's seen a lot more than i have but in that moment we're kind of on the same thing i love that shit that's why people like to have shared hobbies they talk about their their shared interests the things they're really into and sports is a great one because there's so much going on. There's always some activity happening, you know? Yeah, yeah. Sports is an unbelievable thing to, you know,

that's actually how I met Burr because I'm a New York guy. He was a Boston guy. I opened for him. And Bill is so funny that when we met, I said to him, who he's a fan of, I go, dude, these 07 Patriots is the best offense

I've ever seen. I'm saying something nice about his team. He called me and told me for 45 minutes why I was wrong about his team. He goes, you know,

this is what their defense they're just going like. I was agreeing with you. But he's such a, the thing about Bill, he's such a born contrarian. I love bringing things up to him that I know he's such a he's the thing about bill he's such a like a born contrarian i love bringing things up to him that i know he's gonna disagree with i'll say things to him just to fuck with him just to like get him wound up oh dude i went into i did

state college right after joe paterno statue came down and shit and i was at state and they were like they literally said when we got there like there's no talking about him here so you get on stage there's no talking like this was when like you get on stage, there's no talking. Like, this was when, like, the town was devastated. So I go into the hotel. I'm on the phone with Bill. And I go, what the fuck, man? He goes, what?

And I go, it's the carpet here. I was like, this is like 1990. The thing about me, Joe, is I just like a nice place to stay. Okay, I'm a little bit like that. I want fucking, I want slippers and a robe, even if I'm not going to use them. I just want them there. I want to know that they're there.

I like cucumber water downstairs. I like that shit. Just who I am. Maybe from my dad, right? But I don't go too much. My dad had his initials engraved on his slippers and shit. Nice. Yeah.

TJV on the fucking. I like it. Yeah. His license was TJV. But I'm on the phone with Bill and I go, this fucking hotel is a shit hole. And I sit on the bed and he, and I go, this fucking hotel's a shithole. And I sit on the bed, and he goes, Verzi, you're starting to make – go to another hotel. He goes, go pay. And I go, you know what?

You're right. I'm going to leave. And then we argued. I said, Joe Montana. He said, this is years ago. I said, Brady's better than Montana. I agreed with – I said, his guy is better than Montana. We screamed at each other for three hours,

and it was too late for me to check in the other hotel. So I had to stay in this shithole because he fucking had me on the phone arguing, and I was arguing saying Brady, because I said Brady was the best before he got the rings that he got. But that's the funny thing about Bill is that, and he's such a nice kid, man. He's the best. He's the best, and he's so nice,

but we used to get into sports arguments that didn't make sense, but it was like camaraderie. Yeah. There's something fun about that. Yeah. That's why they love those sports talk shows where people get together and talk about sports. Yeah. They love it. People love that.

MMA guys love it to death. I mean, there's so many fucking MMA shows where guys just get together and talk about fights. Now, I wasn't a UFC guy for years. I was like, I don't... there's so many fucking MMA shows where guys just get together and talk about fights. Now I do. You know, I wasn't a UFC guy for years. I was like, I don't. And then now, dude, the last four or five years, I have fight night at the house. I can talk about it, you know, probably compared to you. I'm like a decent open mic level to talk about a UFC. But now I'm starting to like, you know who I like?

I love Bobby Knuckles. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I thought that second fight he had with Adesanya was close. It was very close. I thought it was really close. I love that kid. He's great. There's something about him that's a real, I don't know, it's like just watching him and his dad interact and there's just something about him. And I love what he said. He's like,

man, I thought I did, you know, but I guess in that you got to beat the champ, you got to really beat him, right? But I guess in that, you've got to beat the champ. You've got to really beat him, right? Well, you know, that fight, I would have to go over and watch and score it, right? I'd have to go over and sit there and go over each individual round and score it. But I don't think you have to—I mean, you have to win a fight, right? I think when someone goes in there, yeah, you have to beat the champ to win the title.

But if you win the fight, you win the fight. So the problem with MMA, and I've said this ad nauseum, so I'll just quickly cover it. Sure. The scoring system sucks. The scoring system sucks because it's a boxing system that they adopted. They adopted a 10-point must system. So a 10-point must system is like, say, if you and Jamie box and you land more shots, you would win 10-9. But if you dropped them, you'd win 10-8.

A 10-8 round is a round where someone gets dropped. So it's pretty clear. And there's subjective elements to it, and there's bad judging in boxing for sure. But it's not a bad system for judging. For MMA, it's a very blunt instrument to cover something that's a very comprehensive sport there's so many elements to fighting I think fighting should be like the way MMA is when I say fighting I mean MMA it should be it should shouldn't be like a 10 system it should be like each thing that happens is worth a quality like this is worth 20 points, that's worth 30 points. So rounds should be 115 to like 106.

You know, that's like, so like, because sometimes guys will win a 10-9 round and who fucking knows who won. It's so close. And other times a guy will dominate a round and he'll win 10-9. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah.

Do you, did you think that that fight was as close? It's a very close sense. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah. Did you think that that fight was as close? It's a very close fight. Whitaker's a bad motherfucker. And he came back after getting knocked out in the second round of the first fight. Almost got finished at the end of the first round in the first fight. Yes, I remember. And then Adesanya stops him in the second round and then comes back, has this fucking great run, beats a lot of quality guys, and then fights for the title a second time to try to win his title back.

And it got down to the wire. It was very close. Yeah, it was a great fight to watch. And the other best fight I've seen was that Ortega versus the recent Ortega. Who did he fight where he just got bloodied up, but both of them were beating the shit out of each other. They were the two team leaders on the, what is it, contender? Who was Ortega's last fight? I know who you're talking about.

I'm stuck. Yeah. Who the hell was it? Yeah, it was, yeah. Volkanovski beat the shit out of him, though. That wasn't it. What was Ortega's last fight? It was Volkanovski?

Yeah, he lost to Max, then he beat Chan Sung Young, and then lost to Volkanovski. That's right. He lost to 266. So it must have been the Volkanovski fight, but that was a fight where Volkanovski... Oh, I know what you're talking about, because he almost caught him a couple times in guillotines. He caught him in a triangle, and he caught him in a darts show. Yeah, I think he was getting beat real bad, and then he started to... Caught him in a guillotine, yeah.

He caught him in a mounted guillotine and almost had him and then he caught him in a triangle and almost had him yeah that's the fight that was a brutal brutal fight and he was beat I mean but he was still going

with his face battered like that and I was just like dude holy shit that's what it was so it looked like he almost lost like between the fourth and fifth rounds

it looked like it was over like they were gonna stop the fight and then he came back in the fifth round and fought great it's like that guy's got incredible incredible heart that guy's got incredible, incredible heart. That guy's heart was on.

And that's what I miss with boxing, man, boxing. I used to love boxing. And it's like you can't – UFC has given me something every two weeks. Every week I watched the ones at the – I watched in Vegas. And boxing is like you got to wait a fucking year for – Well, for big fights. Yeah. For big fights you got to wait.

But it's just – the UFC is just gotta you gotta wait but it's just the UFC's just the the way they do it it's just they're they're way more organized they're way more efficient it's just a better system the way they put together fights I mean they're constantly showing you fights if you have ESPN plus I mean it's fucking incredible there's always fights on we have fight night all the time if we're off or whatever and just come to my house neighbors come to ours Giannis lives six houses down from me on the same side of the street. Oh, yeah. His dog and my dog are best friends for years.

We go in the backyard and we yell. We see if we could hear each other. But, yeah. Oh, that's funny. We live in northern Westchester up in the woods. Horse country, dude. Oh, that's nice. Horse farms and all that shit.

A lot of deer out there, right? You got to be careful driving at night. Two of them told him I got my car had to be redone twice. Yeah. Damn, that's a sad thing, man. This one was just waiting and they just dart out real quick. It's kind of weird. Yeah, it is weird. They don't know what to do with

headlights. Yeah, because they break it's like they break for second you know, like to steal second. They just break one way and whichever way they go you're gonna get hit. They don't know what it is. They see a headlight they just, they're not evolved for headlights. It fre't know what it is. They see a headlight. They just, they're not evolved for headlights. It freaks animals out. It's like it makes them panic.

It's like the expression, deer in the headlights. Yeah. Did you hit one out here ever? No, I haven't hit one yet. Luckily, knock on wood. Yeah, yeah. You know. Yeah, no, it's dangerous up there.

You see all of them. But in all the years we've been up there, which is nine now, two bucks just so. That's it. They hide, they know. They're at night. They know, man. If you go out at night, I bet they're all over the place. And when it's like a real quiet snowstorm and nothing's out, I saw one just standing there.

Beautiful, man. I'm talking about there was a big boy standing there and he was in the middle of the street, quiet snow. And I just watched him, man. And I was like, oh my God. That's why I can't. I can't. I got nothing against hunting, man.

But when I hear something like moaning and shit. When I was in eighth grade, I shot a fucking blue jay with a pellet gun. And like 13. And the thing went down. And I stared at it. I cried. And I was like, fuck this thing. I'm not built for this shit.

I'm not built for this shit, dude. I can't do it, man. Yeah. I don't know. I've killed a lot of deer. I've killed this one, too. I shot that one in Iowa. Shout out to John Dudley. In Iowa? I shot that one in Iowa. Shout out to John Dudley.

In Iowa? I shot that one in my friend John Dudley's ranch. Yeah, Iowa's a great place for deer. It's a crazy place for deer. My friend John has a 600-acre property that's just set up for bow hunting. My friend John is one of the best bow hunters in the world. He's actually an archery coach. He was a former archery competitor.

He's the guy who taught me how to shoot a bow. Shit. Yeah. But, yeah, he's got this great spot of hunted deer on his place. I've hunted deer a bunch of times. I think deer are beautiful, and it's sort of a contradiction. But the thing is, like, you have to control their numbers. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

So either you're going to bring in mountain lions and wolves, or you're going to hunt them. Because if you don't, they're going to get hit by cars, they're going to be everywhere, and they're going to get diseases, they're going to spread diseases. They're a prey animal. And they don't, we've set up this fucked up environment. Like Iowa's a good example. There's no wolves in Iowa, right? So what do these animals do? They just fucking breed. And so if you don't hunt them, and they're delicious, and you have to hunt them. They have to control their population. And that money goes to wildlife resource protection. It goes to habitat and conservation.

It's like there's a lot of value in the hunting them. But I understand that people wouldn't want to watch them die and suffer, but that's why you get accurate. You have to practice. Do you use guns ever, or is it only bows? I've used guns, yeah. I shot a pig last year with a gun. I shot a wild boar with a gun in California.

It's a lot more effective. It's easier, but it's not as exciting. It's not as difficult to do because you could shoot a deer with a rifle from 200, 300 yards away. Right. With a bow, you don't have a chance. You have to get inside. How close? Well, you really want to be inside of 50. That's really what you want. What? Yeah. 50 yards is what you really want. I mean, you can make a bomb. You could shoot a deer at 75 yards. An elk, I'll shoot an elk at 75 yards. I've shot elk at 75 yards with a bow. But it's like you can't with a rifle.

That's a chip shot. Now, are you in a tree stand? No. With the bow? With deer, yeah. I shot that deer from a tree stand. But that's at John's place. Most of the time, like my friend John has it down.

I mean, he rides in on electric bikes so you don't leave scent on the ground. Holy shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Deer hunting in Iowa is like a religion, man. They don't fuck around because some of the biggest deer in the world live there. People move to Iowa specifically so that they can hunt there because Iowa has residence tags that you can get that are different than like, if you're an outsider and you want to hunt in Iowa and you want to draw a tag, it's very hard to get a deer tag. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's complicated. You've got to put in every year and hopefully. But if you live there, you get an allotment. Oh, okay. It's easier, especially if you own property. John owns property, so he has multiple deer at his place. Wow. And you said he's got 600 acres?

Yeah, he's got an incredible place. And it's only bow and arrow. It's the only way he hunts. He doesn't let anybody use a rifle in his place. Oh, but it's not illegal. Oh, no, no, no. It's all 100% legal. He just wants it to be that way? Yeah, no, he doesn't. He's an archer. He doesn't use, I mean, he has a rifle, but he doesn't use it.

See, that's a motherfucker who could just go and survive. Like, if he was, like, dropped in the middle of a forest somewhere in a bow, he's fucking living. Oh, as long as he has enough arrows arrows it's not easy to make an arrow like the arrows that we use today like my my arrows are all carbon fiber okay and then there's uh brass weights in them and like in the front to make a higher foc which is like you want a higher weight in the front of the arrow yeah then you have a broad head and you have veins in the end, the feathers, but they're actually made out of plastic. And these veins are steering the broadhead, making sure it goes straight, making sure the arrow goes straight. It's very complicated.

Fuck. Yeah. There's a long, deep learning curve to archery. And then bow hunting, it's like archery at the highest level because you're trying to sneak up on a target that has evolved for a million years to get away from mountain lions. Jesus. Yeah. Holy shit. Heavy duty stuff.

That is real heavy duty stuff. And he's a sniper with it? Oh, my God. We were in Hawaii. This is how good this motherfucker is. We were in Hawaii. We're hunting axis deer. And axis deer are the hardest

deer to hunt because they evolved to get away from tigers. So they are the fastest fucking things you've ever seen in your life. And they're gone. Like you can't believe how fast they move. It's bizarre how fast they move. So we're in a truck and we're headed towards this hunting spot and John goes, stop the truck, stop, stop, stop, stop. And he sees a bedded deer that's 60 yards away and I go you gonna shoot it from the truck he goes fuck yeah

and so he leans his body John's huge he's like 6 foot 6 he's a really tall guy and he's got these long fucking giraffe arms he leans out of the truck

with his bow and shoots a perfect 60 yard shot into the heart of this deer what that's bedded 60 yards off the heart of this deer. What? That's bedded 60 yards off the side of the road.

And you watch the arrow just right behind the shoulder, right into the heart. The deer's dead almost instantly. And that's his kill shot. Oh yeah, perfect shot. Perfect shot from a truck. From a truck, hanging out of his truck. When you're shooting, say if you're shooting something,

if you're a target archer, right? You're in the Olympics or something like that. Your stance is very important, right? You have to stand with your toes, have to be in line with where the arrow's going to be. You draw back, you anchor, everything has to be perfect, and then you release the arrow. You want all your mechanics to line up. This motherfucker is out a truck. Impossible to do that and still

hits a perfect 60 yard shot. That's wild. It was incredible. That's fucking wild, man. That's how good he is. But he's been doing it his whole life. You know, he's just, he's a master. And he taught you. Yeah, he taught me. And my friend Cam Haynes, he taught me too. Both those guys taught me.

There's a long learning curve to archery. But for me, archery, even if I never hunted again, I will never stop doing archery, but just shooting targets is like when you're thinking, when you got that pin settled on that target and you try to keep it steady and you're just going through your shot process and pulling through the shot and the arrow breaks and you watch that arrow right into the bullseye. It's one of the most satisfying feelings in life. I have a hard time going back and getting it off right.

Just getting it fucking off. I wouldn't leave the street. It's just practice. It's just practice. It's like stand-up. Think about the first time you ever did stand-up. Yeah. You're like,

You know, you hear your own voice. You hear your own voice in the microphone. It sounds goofy. You hear a couple people laughing. You're like, is that a sympathy laugh is that a real laugh you know yeah do you remember the first joke you ever told um first joke i ever told i i don't know it was bad man oh yeah i know i think the first time i did an open mic in woodstock new york i did an open mic in woodstock new york at a bar called Joyous Lake. And it's such a famous place that like the Stones

and all these bands would play there practicing to do Woodstock. Wow. And they did a Tuesday night open mic, but it wasn't just comedy. Wow. So a fucking poet could go up there, like all the people reading poems.

And I went up there with three friends, nothing written. So I thought that I can just, like my dream was to do, I thought I could just go up and do, so I was just saying, I was like, what do you mean? Like, the cigarette pack says may cause cancer. It does cause, I didn't have jokes. Right. Like, I didn't have jokes, and I felt so bad. So the next day, I went to the booker.

I go, put me here next fucking Tuesday. I said, put me here, this is true, put me here next Tuesday. And I wrote in my bedroom. I wrote six, seven minutes, and I brought a couple of friends up there with me. And I did really good. And one local came up to me afterwards. He goes, way better than last week. I said, I know you fucking dummy.

It was my first time. But yeah, that was in Woodstock, New York. Do you remember the first place you did? Yeah, I did Stitch's open mic night in Boston. And my first joke was, here's my impression of a hot girl getting pulled over by a cop do you realize how fast you were going no do you like my tits yes I do here's a warning that was my first joke so terrible and you probably like y'all is it do you probably like, it kind of connected with some people.

I was like, I got it. Whatever it is, I got it. What year was that? 1988. August 27th, 1988. Wow. That was in Boston. In Boston? Okay. So you never did stand up in Newark?

No, no, no. I moved out of Newark when I was seven years old. That's when I moved to California. I lived in California until I was 11, Florida until I was 13, 11 to 13 in Florida, 13 to 24 in Boston, and then I moved to New York. Yeah. Do you remember the weirdest place you ever did stand up? Like the weirdest place.

Yeah. I did a Jack and Jill strip club in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. And it was a Jack and Jill strip club is where a guy goes on and dances and then a girl goes on and dances. And it's for couples. What? Yeah, it didn't work out. It was like a concept. It was the concept they were trying out in the 80s, I guess.

It was terrible. But it was also the kind of guy and girl that, first of all, there was no crowd there. There was like maybe six people in the whole place. And there's a guy named Brian Deary. And Brian Deary was like a guy who would book road gigs. He was a guy who started out doing comedy and then he became like a booker. Real nice guy. And he would always book me for these gigs.

And this was a brand new gig that he had. Like, you would call up a place hey do you want to do a comedy night and they said well yeah you know we actually have a uh a strip club and we want to get a host for a strip club so he says to me do you want to uh host the strip club i'm like well how much money does it pay yeah i'll do it sure it was like 150 bucks right so I Drive to Woonsocket Rhode Island for 150 bucks to MC so I'm not Just the comic I'm also bringing Up the strippers so I Do a little comedy and when I say I bombed It wasn't that I bombed

Because I think when you bomb there's some Sound this was Science I mean I would tell my jokes to Emptiness and I don't even know if the people that were in the audience spoke English Because there was it's a very Portuguese community out there. So there's a lot of people probably didn't even speak English and This lady goes on the lady and the guy both looked like they were the poster people for like

bad parenting and alcohol abuse. And this guy had, I remember he had bad tattoos that he had covered up with bandanas. So he put like bandanas on his arm and you could see like the shitty tattoo poking out under the bandana. And the girl just looks sad. She was sad. I remember she had a snake on her butt,

a snake tattoo on the cheek of her butt it was a terrible snake like a 5 year old drew it it was awful it was so awful that you remember all of that shit do you remember the details I remember my first manager was Tony Camacho

oh yeah I know Tony is he still around I think he's like retired in Vegas or something but he goes you want to do this? Is he still around? He's like, I think he's like retired in Vegas or something. But he goes, you want to do this restaurant in Staten Island for $150? I was psyched. It was a Friday. I'm like, I'm working on a Friday.

I go there. I shit you not, Joe. The owner goes, look, man, I didn't want to do this, okay? He goes, we don't have a mic. He goes, there's a radio shack down the block. You guys want to buy a mic? I'm not paying for it. I mean, I just just got there so he doesn't want to do it he goes i thought he goes i thought we should just get local guys to bring their family and friends that's what i would have done but tony

brought you guys he goes uh tv's on tvs are on dude people are eating they didn't even know there was a show so it's like i was standing in the middle of a diner like a restaurant people are trying i saw this one guy in his This guy and his dad they were just trying to enjoy chicken parm and like looking at the TV and I'm like Yeah, so my grandmother and they were just like dude, I guess we're doing this I mean it was it was fucking brutal and another weird one I did somebody gave me an address to do a show it was a private home and They were having a party and they're watching football game and there was hors d'oeuvres and I was in somebody's home and she goes we're ready for the show now and I go and all these adults sat on

the couch in Indian style in the living room and I just stood in front of a TV with an empty corona bottle as a mic but you want to know what I fucking killed really I killed on that one because because but i i wanted to you know those gigs where you want to leave yeah yeah you know who don gavin is sure yeah don gavin's a fucking master he's he's a legend he's one of the most underrated comedians of in all of history he's he's incredible yeah and he's there's a joke about him where he showed up to a uh i don't know who told me but somebody told me that he showed up to an outdoor event. And he goes, yeah, I'm here to perform. Where am I performing?

And the lady running it goes, you see that picnic table over there? He goes, that's where you're going to be. He goes, all right, cool, man. I'm just going to go to my car and get my props. And he left. That sounds like Don Gavin. He's like, all right, we'll get my props. One of the things about Boston was there was a bunch of bookers.

And they would book you in these little weird road gigs all around Boston. And sometimes they would be like that Brian Deary gig where they would just try it the first time. And, you know, I was nobody, so I got those gigs. I got the gigs where they weren't proven gigs. They would just send me out. And so Mike Clark, who's a dear friend, who's Lenny Clark's brother, and Mike Clark, who's the best, he who's Lenny Clark's brother, and Mike Clark, who's the best. He runs Giggles and Saugus, Massachusetts, and he managed guys and stuff.

He's fucking great. And he had a gig at a fish restaurant. It was a seafood restaurant down the Cape. And so I drive all the way down there, do this gig. It's just me. It's a one-person show, right? And I get there, and they explain to me that you're going to go on stage because this is a huge restaurant.

And there was a place where they had a waiting room where people were waiting to be seated. I mean, it was like 150 people waiting to be seated, and the rest of the restaurant was huge. So in this place, they had drinks, and they'd sit and wait for their table to be ready. So I'd be on stage, and what I didn't realize until I was on stage was that the PA system, where they would announce whether or not your table was ready, was the same sound system

as the comedy system. Oh, my God. So I'm in the middle of saying, so I say to my girlfriend, Johnson, party of four, your table is ready. Johnson, party of four. And table is ready. Johnson, party of four. And I'm like, oh no. So you'd be in the middle of a premise and it would just completely cut off. But fortunately, the people thought it was funny that that was happening.

Yeah, you could use it. I was good enough at that point. I'd been doing comedy for like two and a half, three years. And it was good enough that I could make light of it. I was like, what that point. I'd been doing comedy for like two and a half, three years, and it was good enough that I could make light of it. I was like, what the fuck have I signed up for? And the people were howling. They thought it was funny. But it was like, I would try to get through the punchlines

quick because I was worried that the fucking PA system would kick in. Oh, that's great. And then like one time the PA system kicked in. I'm like, hold that thought. And they were laughing. That's great. And then it stopped. But, you know, I told Mike. He's like, what the fuck? But you had to see, but you were at, like you said, you were at the level where you were able to use it to your advantage. Also, I was in a good mood. Like a lot back then it was like, you know, I wasn't

that skilled. So it's like, you know, you're clunky still. And so you have to catch yourself on a good day. You can handle almost anything, but on a shit day, like if I had just gotten in a fight with my girlfriend or something like that, and then I got there and I was angry or depressed or whatever, then it's not good. But that day I was smiling already when I got there. And then I was like, oh, it seems like a good crowd. And I got on stage and people were pretty friendly. It was like I was having fun. Yeah, I love that when that happens.

You kind of take a situation that's like not great, but you're in the mood. So you're like, let's go have a good time with this. Yeah. I had resigned myself to the fact that it was a hell gig and also resigned myself to the fact that this was probably the last time they were ever going to have a gig there. Because Mike's gigs were always good. So he's like, pal, I don't know about this one. I just started out.

You want to do it? I'm like, I'll do it. I would do anything. I would call them up. What do you got got for me that was the way it worked there was a several booking agents that you could call up and you'd say what do you got for me yeah break out a calendar and write some shit down on the calendar and then they would give you directions over the phone and you would write it down on a legal pad like I had like a yellow legal pad you know before MapQuest oh yeah way before MapQuest everything was written down I had like a yellow legal pad. This was before MapQuest. Oh, yeah. Way before MapQuest. Everything was written down.

I had a fucking map and everything was written down on a piece of paper. And I remember I used to love that because I used to feel like almost like I was a hit man or something. Like I got a job. Like this is my job and this is where I'm going. It was all written down. And then I would take those pieces of paper. I had like a folder of all the different places.

I had the directions already written out. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I wish I still had that. I wish I still had that. I wish I still had that. Those are the things that mold us. There's this country club in Westchester called Sleepy Hollow, and it's one of the nicest golf courses in America.

It's incredible. Like, you go there and you're like, this is fucking incredible. You look at the greens and the fairway. It's like you think you could be in Scotland, right? And they do something called, it's in Sleepy Hollow, New York. They do something called the Headless Horseman Award, where all these dudes go out on the golf course. They come back in, they shower, they smoke cigars, they eat. There's ice sculptures and it's this big outdoor event and they bring a comedian in to go and do it. And they give them like a couple thousand dollars. So a buddy goes, hey, I can't do it this year. Do you want to do it? they give him like a couple thousand dollars so a buddy goes hey i can't do it this year do you want to do it he goes it's all dudes it's all like you know like one percenters

they're all millionaire billionaires and he goes it you know he goes they kind of like when you just roast or whatever so the guy looks at my thing and he goes do you think this would be something i see your stuff you seem like a regular comic like do you sure you want to and i'm like you know i was young i was like was like, yeah, I'll do it. Fuck two grand. So he goes, bring a friend. So I bring a buddy. I bring Jason Lutter. And I got him a thousand.

So he goes up and he's fucking murdering. He's murdering. He's about to go. I got to close the thing. It's all white chairs. It's like a fucking movie. It's all white chairs. And I said, are you going to talk about race? Because I'm going to. I was just like, I'm going close the thing. It's all white chairs. It was like a fucking movie. It's all white chairs. I scoped.

And I said, are you going to talk about race? Because I'm going to. I was just like, I'm going to talk about. But he's going up there. And he's throwing everything he's got. And they're going, one more joke. Then he does another joke. He's going, one more joke.

I mean, they didn't want to. I get on stage. And I remember they go roast the guy. They go, here's one thing. His wife has got like big fake tits and all this stuff. So just her name is Lindsay, all this stuff, right? So I go on stage. They loved him.

I immediately said something about him. I was like, if you knew it was his checking account, he wouldn't be fucking allowed. And they didn't even like that I was joking about him because they loved him so much. Dude, when I tell you this fucking plane, the nose went down. Joe, when I tell you if it was a dream of the worst, it was the opposite of the, if it was going into a mountain. So I'm, I start, I remember I was making fun of Chris Christie at the time and I'm shitting on Chris Christie.

My buddy said he was in the back while I'm shitting on Chris Christie. They go, dude, they just threw him a $3,000 a plate dinner in South Carolina last week. So now I go, now I'm in panic. Well, you know, when you're in panic mode? So you're just all the bullets. Everything. I'm pulling the gun out of my ankle. Everything I got, right? So I go, alright, roast him. Roast him. And I remember wife's name. So I go,

hey man. So I go, this guy's got a lot of money. He's got his hands on a lot of paper and plastic. And by plastic I mean his wife Lindsay's tits. And everyone goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. And like the grandfather was there. And in my mind I'm and like the grandfather was there and I'm and in my mind I'm going they told me dude everything I did Joe everything I fucking did I go who's the golfer that hits it in the woods and acts like I mean I tried everything it was

so fucking bad that one of the old men go all right like all right and I'm going no no and I I said good night I had thank god I had the, no, no, hold on. And I said goodnight. Thank God I had the two grand in my back pocket because I probably wouldn't have gotten it. I walked out the door into the parking lot. I texted Jason. I go, dude, I'm in the car. Wow. And we're just driving back in silence.

And out of nowhere, he just goes, Paul, you're a great comic. I was fucking mortified, dude. It was the worst. How many years have you been doing it? This was probably, I don't know. I've been doing it. I was a pro, dude.

So did you go on stage nervous? Were you nervous about following him because he was killing? Yeah, he was killing. They were going, one more joke, one more joke. And he said some things I was going to maybe use. Oh, right. But he did his thing. And then I just got up there and just everything went wrong.

And it was like if a movie, if a director was going, guys, this is going to be really bad for him. That's what it was. And that's one that, you know, you remember those, dude. Oh, yeah. I mean, that one stuck. Yeah. That one fucking stuck, man. Those are good, though. They're important for you because then you realize that that can happen. You go, what did I do wrong? Why was

I boring? Why was I unentertaining? What was, what, how did I fuck that up? Oh, isn't that horrible, though? You just question, what could I have done? That's what happens. It's like, what could I have done? And I think sometimes, honestly, I think sometimes I honestly I think sometimes you know sometimes there are things you could do and other times it's just sometimes I just you know what can you do with what you had at the moment that's the problem

like if you went up there now today you could probably just go right into some material nice to be here thank you very much and you'd be more smooth and composed and and they would just follow along much. And you'd be more smooth and composed and, and they would just follow along with you and you'd probably get them. Right. But, but you know, those early days. Or now today I could be like today I could be, and I mean, I was still, I was actually pretty more advanced though. I think what it was, was I think when I made the turn to roast and say that about his wife and I don't know if her, I mean, that, that's what, that's what really turned. And then I'm making fun of a guy that they're raising money for.

So it just was... You know, I mean, the only thing I didn't do was kick an old man. That was really fucked up, man. Well, you can't make fun of Chris Christie. I mean, come on. I forgot what it was. I just said something about his... Because he was at the time where he was doing those baseball games with his, like...

Yeah, like his... His gunt. Whatever it was. It looked where he was doing those baseball games with his, like, gut. Yeah, like his, you know. His gunt. Whatever it was. Yeah. It looked like he had four balls, like whatever. Yeah. So, but I don't even know if it was even about his appearance.

I think it was just something about him balancing a, I forgot what the joke was, but I know that it was just, dude, that was one I'll never forget, man. It happens. But it's like it's an inexact science, and you have to learn it. You have to learn what it is to be entertaining. You have to learn what it is to be a good comic. And then sometimes you just don't have the fucking material. You have the desire, but your material's just not there yet.

Yeah, like for certain outdoor things, there are things that, you know, but I learned from it. Like you said, if I did it now, it'd be different because I learned. But there's things that suck while they're happening that are awesome later. Like this. Like this story is great.

It sucked while it was happening, but you have this great story now forever. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, and, you know, when we're old and retired and not doing stand-up anymore, and people say, what, you know, that's something that you'll tell your, you know, no, that's, and, you know, when we're old and retired and not doing stand-up anymore, and people say, what, you know, that's something that you'll tell your, you know, hey, do you remember a bad night? Yeah, that's a fucking night that I remember that was bad.

They're important for comics to hear, too, because a lot of comics have those, and they think, oh, my God, it's over. I'm never going to make it. I'm never going to get out of this. This is me now. I suck. I need to get a job. Yeah. And they realize, like, listen, these are obstacles.

These obstacles are important. They teach. And some of my best sets that I've ever had and my best growing moments are after I bombed. Like, I bombed and then I had this, like, revelation. Like, oh, my God, I got to get my shit together. Like, either I'm slacking off or I'm not focused enough or whatever the fuck it is, I can't have that again. And so, you know. Yeah, and you remember like the first heckler that fucked with you,

the first heckler that scared you because you're like, now I've never had this interference, but then now the next time you're like, oh, wait, now I know what to say to the next guy. Yeah. You know, the next time somebody yells something. But remember how scary that is? Yeah, it's a brutal learning process.

Stand-up comedy is one of the most brutal learning processes. I always say that bombing on stage is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother. But the difference is there's probably somebody out there that wants to suck a thousand dicks in front of his mom. Like, look at this, mom. You made me do this. 99. You know, but there's no one out there that wants to bomb no no but there are some comics that like when it's going bad they they go okay i remember one time i saw uh jim norton at the

cellar and he just goes all right you people need to be disciplined and he just and he just went hard like it was just like if this is the road we're going. I've done that sometimes. Like, if I'm at the stand or the cellar or something like that, and there's, like, and I just know the crowd is being, like, I'm like, you clearly know it's them. Yeah. I'm going to give them this one because they're going to hate this one, too. There's those shows. Like, Norton puts a lot of fucking material up online. He's always putting up those little clips on Instagram and stuff like that.

Yeah. It seems like he's always at the cellar working on instagram and stuff like that it seems like he's always at the cellar working yeah does he do the road is he doing the road yeah i think he does yeah he does the road he's he's uh he's great man but funny motherfucker yeah and uh such a unique little character yeah he's such an unusual human you know how many people you know like jim norton and dude that chip chippers and shit is the funniest fucking I think the Chip Chipperson shit is just so unbelievably funny. Yeah, it's such a weird thing he does. He does that podcast

with Chip, you know? He puts the wig on, the glasses. What about Doug Bell? What's Doug Bell? I don't know that one. Doug Bell is a character about a comic in the 90s who thinks he's like a legend, but he's not. And he's got like blonde hair. Oh my God. And he'll talk like blonde hair. Oh, my God.

And he'll talk low. And then he'll be like, and then he'll look at the producer. Yeah, take that out because I don't need. You know, but like he's like nowhere. Yeah, take that out. Oh, my God. It's so fucking funny, dude. He's the guy I tried to talk into doing podcasts a long time ago. But he's got that relationship with Sirius, you know, because he was on Opie and Anthony.

And then he went from Opie and Anthony to Jim and Sam. You know, it's like, they're great on that show, but it's just like, man, your shit should be everywhere. Yeah. You know, and I think it is with, what is this? Oh, it's Doug Bell. Doug Bell. This is his character.

Let me see some of it. That's a cameo, so it's going to be, let's see. Hey, cameo world.'s gonna be let's see hey cameo world it's uh it's uh it's doug bell uh better known as doug ring my bell doug bell uh this this cameo thing is uh it's crazy like you know you you're off the scene for seven years and you come back and everything's just crazy. But I'm the guy, I got a lot of really funny like show business stories. So if you got like a birthday, I'll give you like, I got a million hilarious stories like for an anniversary or like if you had a birthday or like an anniversary or something like whatever I got stories but I was on stage one I'm doing my show and I used to have this joke right at the end right going no don't ever get

married and I think about and Chris Rock comes in he goes on and he goes he goes hey hey Bell I look what I'll be with you in a second I'm taping this it's for cameo I need the money so you know like that I had so many so just if you want a cameo

like a crazy story like that whatever just you know it's good to see you again I'm back and I'm better than ever what the fuck is wrong with him how the weird thing there's real people like that out there

that's what's fucked like he's tapping into those guys that we know that were like kind of headliners in the 80's and then they vanished they'll stop by and try to do a guest set somewhere and no one wants them to go on yeah that's fear man that's like that's fear man like that's like a

like i just think about those guys that dedicated 30 something years and you did they really though that's a good question that's a good no that's actually a good question yeah that's that that's what what really has happened how much effort did they actually put forth yeah because it's like yeah what do you what did you do what did you do did you do enough because yeah like i'm sure you're the same way i was just like i was just never like i always just was like had to work and had to get the goals and short term long term and whatever you felt short you work harder to get but what what's brilliant about that character is that guy who thinks everything he does is amazing and great and that he's a legend. It's like that is exactly what makes a guy like that.

That's what makes you never get past that is that attitude that you are. Yeah. Yeah. Mental traps. Like people set themselves up. They give themselves these little fucking safety nets where they're always going to be okay and that they just, they never really put themselves out there. Yeah. I remember one time I saw an older comedian go up to the young girl. Hey, what are you going to do tonight? He said to the guy going, what are you going to be okay. And they just, they never really put themselves out there. Yeah, I remember one time I saw an older comedian go up to the young girl.

What are you going to do tonight? He said to the guy going, what are you going to do? Like, what's your material? Tell me. And the guy was like, well, I was thinking about talking about this. He goes, no, no, no. Here's what you, and it's like, the guy was nowhere. It's like, what the fuck are you listening to that guy for?

The guy was nowhere. No, here's what you do. And it was like, it was just, it was for him. Right. It was for him to, it was for him to feel like he was somebody that you know should be heard and should be like listened to and respected but but he wasn't yeah like he's an expert like he's an expert but he wasn't right well that's what those are the type of people that start comedy classes yeah right which right yeah those are the weirdest ones like i don't know any legit comic that teaches a comedy class.

Do you? No. I mean, I'm sure they're out there. I'm sure. Maybe I don't know about them. I'm not disparaging every, I mean, because it's a weird art form in that no one teaches you how to do it. Right.

Like, someone will teach you how to play guitar. There's songwriting courses. No one is going to teach you how to do stand-up. You do stand-up different than Jamie would do stand-up, different than this guy and that guy. Everybody does it differently. But it should be something like, I don't think a class can, you know, and I'm not going to knock a guy making a living. If a guy's making a living because he's got some people in there giving him money

and he's going to try to help with stage prep, whatever. I don't believe in it. I think you just got to go up there and you got to eat some shit and you got to go up there and kill and everything in between. Yeah. I think what it does do that's good is it gets people on stage. If you sign up for a comedy class and they say, hey, you're going to get up at the end of this class and the whole class is going to do three minutes, at least they're getting you on stage and then maybe you go from that and do something else and you actually wind up becoming a comic.

There's people that have started out in comedy classes and it was just like a little foot ladder. Just like get them over the top. Yeah. Just get them. Just get them up there. Yeah. Just get them up there.

And then once you get the bug, right? Yeah. I think the, one of the most valuable resources for standup is podcasts where people talk about standup. Like you just doing that. Like if a guy's an open miker and he hears this and he's thinking about doing comedy and he's like oh paul verges funny let me listen to this podcast and he hears your whole process and what you went through

there's value in that like that's that's where you learn about comedy other than actually doing it yeah you can learn from people talking about it yeah yeah and and and also like people's process is different where uh i i'm when you get evolved enough you know it's a joke where i before i wouldn't right like like the the closer of my netflix special i was playing basketball with my son and it was the first time that he challenged his father challenged me verbally and like chested up to me and and and and fucking blushed and he looked and he said let's fucking you know and when it happened when it when it happened i just was like oh my god and then i got off and i remember going oh my god that's a fucking that's a bit so i called so i called my friends and i go dude you gotta hear this and i told yannis and i told bill and bill

told me something he goes andy kin andy kindler and Conan O'Brien heard and they're laughing. I'm like, I think it's a joke. So I did it once at New York Comedy Club and I did it once at the Cellar. And somebody goes, close at the, close at the garden with it. And I go, dude, I can't close the garden. There's 18,000 people. I did. They go close, close at the garden with it.

So I said, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to do my set at the garden. And if it's going well, I'm going to joke I swear to God Joe and I'm on stage and I'm having this the opposite of what I had at that country club right like if I went to bed and dreamed it was like and everything there and I see all these people and it's amazing and I just look up and I see Patrick Ewing's thing and the Raptors and I go fuck it I'm a Knicks fan and I'm going all right guys I'm gonna let you go with a story about basketball and my son and I see Patrick Ewing's thing on the Raptors and I go, fuck it, I'm a Knicks fan. And I'm going, all right, guys, I'm going to let you go with a story about basketball and my son. And I did it. And the place fucking erupted. And it was the third time I ever did it.

And the coolest thing is Burr got on stage and he goes, how about Verzi killing with new shit? He addressed it somehow, but it was the third time. But I knew when my son did that, I knew when my son did that i knew when my son did that that it was something that could be special on stage it was it was one of those and but where before you're doing it a while you wouldn't know right so that moment leaves yeah right right you got to capture that moment you got to capture that moment oh my god this is a story on stage people are going to be captivated by but but you wouldn't know it when you're a two-, three-year comic.

Do you write? Do you sit down and write? No, never. Never. I can't. I don't know how guys are like, I open a notebook on Thursday. I can't do that, dude. I can't fucking.

Plus, I wouldn't know where to. I just want to go, and if my wife and I get into something or something like that happens, then I'm like, oh, that's something. So have you ever tried to write things? I mean, no, not really. The only time I've actually sat and wrote was when someone was like, hey, can you submit some roast jokes? Or hey, can you send me some monologue jokes? That's when I would have to do it.

But I'm not geared like that. Maybe it means I'm not disciplined enough. But comedy doesn't come to me like that comedy comes to me in the shower comedy comes to me when i'm laying in bed and i'm thinking about what happened during my day like that's when that's when it hits me and i'm like oh let me try that do you write your stuff down when that happens or do you just keep it in your head it'll if i write it down it's just the it's just the premise like kind of like the premise and like one or two texts and i'll go on then i'll go on stage or if i go with the stand of the seller and i'll just kind of you know fuck with it a little bit do you record your sets uh yes now i do yeah yeah but the hard

on your phone i record them on my phone but you know it's hard to listen back to all of them yeah but at least you have them right like if a moment happens yeah if a moment happens then uh then i'm like oh fuck i got it yeah what's the worst is when you don't when a moment happens oh it's the worst oh my god when you did something at a club and you guys taped that right dude we only taped the first thing you're like no dude i said do you and then you started do you remember what i said i know that's the worst like what part like it was like towards the end and they say something else you're like no no not that one there's something else. You're like, no, no, no, not that one. It was something else. Like, fuck. And then you'd be driving home.

Fuck, what was it? Well, you do an act, like, you have amazing act outs. So it's like, what if you did an act out, an impromptu? Right. Right? And all of a sudden, you don't have even the audio of it. So now you got to go like, did I? And then it's almost like maybe recreating that's not going to be what it was in the moment you know because you just went into something

and you just had this like amazing amazing thing you know I did if two fat Italians landed on the moon and I do them like on the thing and I had it and I was like wait what did I say because I didn't know and I had it and I'm like okay now maybe I can do this you know

yeah I think recording is great. Cause you just never know. You know, there's a guy named Mike Donovan, who's a really hilarious comic in LA, excuse me, in Boston. And he used to bring it to this back when people had tape recorders, he'd bring an actual tape recorder on stage with them. And he said, you should tape all your sets. Cause you never know when you might just deviate, just have an idea that comes out because there's a mindset that you have while you're doing stand-up that is very different. It's very different than any other mindset because you know that people are paying attention.

It's like what we're talking about with ranting on a podcast. You know people are listening. So there's a mindset that's a very different. It's like if no one's listening, you're not going to get that mindset. And sometimes the only way to get that is just put yourself out there on stage and these ideas will come up but you don't remember them that's what's fucked even if it's really funny you would say well i'm going to remember that but you're not gonna no you're not going to remember no because you're in the but i'm a trance i'm a very um i'm a very defiant competitive person. Very.

So for me, if I'm the type that's like, I'm either going to find it or I'm going to get like, I got to get back on stage to get another moment like that. I have that. Very, very much so. Yeah, like I don't like somebody, and I don't like anybody getting the best of me where I can't retaliate. You know? No, I'm sorry. Were you going to say something?

No, no, no. No, no. Yeah, dude. I got... You remember that movie Uncut Gems? Yeah. Great movie. Fucking wild movie. I'm in there with my brother.

These kids in like their early 30s, late 20s were kicking my seat. Dude, I fucking... And they just kept doing it. And I was like trying to let it go. i was like trying to let it go i was just trying to let it go right and uh so they leave my room the movie's ruined and i did one of these you know like when somebody doesn't you kind of do one of these but they just like and i could tell and i hear them like giggling and stuff so we leave the movie and i see them laughing looking at me and uh this is just my personality in life and i see my brother i give my brother a hug i said i love you man i'll see

you later and these these dudes get in a truck i start following them because i just i had to get it out i had to get it out dude so i'm following these guys the wrong direction from my house on a highway and i'm going what am i doing there's four of them what the am i doing from my house on a highway and I'm going, what am I doing? There's four of them. What the fuck am I doing? Right. And they turned into this like alley and I turned into the alley and there was a taco bell and they just got on the drive-thru line and now I'm behind them and I'm on a drive-thru line at taco bell and I'm going, I'm going to fuck in. I got to do something, but I'm going, there's four of them. What the fuck am I doing here? Right. So I go, I got to scare them. I got to do something. So they get their food and they park

and i said something to the lady i go did they say anything about me like do and and i ended up ordering a taco and a soda because i was there i had to right and i just sat there i just fucking sat there while they ate and i ate and i'm and the whole time i'm going i have to fucking let them know that they did what they they ruined my movie i need to scare them i need to do something to fucking scare them but there was four of them it made no sense but that they did what they, they ruined my movie. I need to scare them. I need to do something to fucking scare them. But there was four of them. It made no sense. But then they did get scared and they circled around and they went in the,

they went in the line again. And then I, I kind of started to go in the line and I looked at him and they were petrified. And then I realized, I said, Paul, you have two children at home and a wife and you're 40 something years old

and you're i followed him 35 minutes i followed him 35 fucking minutes dude and and as i'm driving i'm going what is fucking wrong with you but i had to at least something does that make does it make any something i i know i know what i did was stupid and doesn't but something i needed to do something and i said i tried to figure it out. I talked to people about it, and it was like, no, my wife's like, that's who I am. So if I'm doing something on stage bombing or if I do something where somebody gets the best, I get to find I got to come back and do something. And I don't know why that story reminded me of it, but that's how I am. I don't like when somebody gets the best of me or a set gets the best of me or a crowd gets the best of me i get it but don't do that

no dude people were like like people said to me like dude you're you followed like 28 year olds as a for a long time and then bought a fucking taco and just sat there like it's like it's ridiculous yeah you know and but yeah so my wife wasn't yeah i know that feeling though the feeling of being fucked with at a movie theater is a very unusual feeling someone's kicking your chair or talking shit or they're behind you and just being fucked with any time yeah like being fucked with yeah when somebody's intentionally fucking with you and they don't know you and and I don't know why I did that, but I had to do it. Like, I had to do that.

I wanted some way for them to know that, like, what they did was, like, they can't just get away with it. Yeah. You know, I don't know why. Don't do that again. I know. It's a good way to die. And there was four of them. I could have got hurt.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah, you could have got hurt. For sure. Yeah. You could have got killed. Yeah, when people don't know what your intentions are and you're following them around, that's a recipe for disaster. Yeah. Don't do that, Paul. No, I know. It's a stupid.

It's a weird way to end a podcast. It's a stupid. Yeah, I don't know. As soon as you were saying, as soon as we were talking about that, like, you know, getting the best of something or, you know, doing a set and not getting it right and wanting to get right back on stage and you don't write it down and you want to get right back and do it. I just thought of that. I just thought of that. I just thought of that. Don't ever do that again.

That guy was kicking my seat and he was laughing and it ruined my movie. It ruined the movie and it was a great performance by Adam Sandler. Yeah, it sucks too because if you watch it again, it's not going to be the same. No, it actually. That's the problem with fucking movie theaters, man. That's why I love watching movies at home. Yeah, it sucks too because if you watch it again, it's not going to be the same. No, it actually... That's the problem with fucking movie theaters, man. That's why I love watching movies at home. Yeah. It's so much better. I love when they started during COVID, they started streaming movies

right away, like on HBO Max and on iTunes. You can get it right away. Yeah. While I was out in the movie, they're like, thank you. This is what I've been asking for forever. It's just too risky. I mean, it's only happened to me a few times where people were talking in movie theater. You had to tell them to shut the fuck up. But it's enough that it's just so frustrating.

Some people will talk full blast. Some people do that at a comedy club. Some guy last night at the Vulcan in the front row just talking full volume. It's like, Jesus, some people just suck. Yeah, but you know what bothers me? You know what I should have done? I should have just turned around, and I should have said, dude, stop kicking my fucking seat. But he was doing it in this really passive-aggressive way where after I did that, it was lower.

But yeah, movie theaters, anytime they always sit near you. And I don't like being around people, dude. That's why my house is far away. I don't like being around people, dude. I want to be away in the woods, man I'm a country kid now. Yeah now you are I'm a country kid now. I want fucking horses I told my wife I want a fucking horse. I want to be away from people man. I want to be in the woods I want to do comedy. That's what I do. I drive to New York City, New York City sucks now man

It sucks. Well in what way it sucks. Well, I got to be honest man the homeless thing in Austin's not great I mean I saw a guy try to kill himself and jump in front of a truck the last time I would did the Vulcan In what way? It sucks. Well, I got to be honest, man. The homeless thing in Austin's not great. I mean, I saw a guy try to kill himself and jump in front of a truck the last time I did the Vulcan. He was asking for money. How long ago was this? Four people said no, and he goes, fuck this, and he started screaming out words, and he tried jumping in front of a truck.

And that's happening in a lot of cities, but New York too. New York is shitty now. Austin's cleaned up the homeless a lot. They used to have tents everywhere. They're all gone now. Oh, is it? Yeah, they don't allow it anymore. They passed an ordinance, and they started cleaning up. This was probably gone now. Oh, is it? Yeah, they don't allow it anymore. They pass an ordinance.

Oh, well, this was probably like six months ago, so maybe that's it. But no, I do my sets in the city. I get to feel New York City, and I feel that feeling. And then I drive up, and I got woods. I got deer. It's a good contrast. It's amazing. It's amazing.

And I have a lot of land. I have a nice plot of land, and we just look at it it and i'm 800 feet elevated so the sun sets behind the mountains and my wife has this beautiful garden we got a fire pit and it's just life life gets quiet and life feels good life is and that's the way that it should be man you can't live you're not supposed to a human being is not supposed to have a fucking yeah eight foot backyard right where you can lean over and touch your neighbor's house. Some people love it though. Ari loves it.

Ari loves it. My friend Jeff loves it too. Yeah, but Ari came to my backyard and fucking we drank a bottle until seven o'clock in the morning at the fire pit. He looked up and he goes, oh my God, I could do mushrooms here forever. All the comics that get high and do that, they came to my house.

They were just like, dude, we got to go to Verzi's fire pit and do mushrooms and stare at the stars. I'm like, or you could just hang out. Ari's a big mushroom fan. He does that mushroom fest, shroom fest thing every summer. Yeah. I can't fuck with psychedelic shit. No? No.

Because it'll put me in a place. Yeah. If you already get panic attacks and get weird marijuana probably not good for you either no edible sometimes an edible relax me yeah and i'll be cool with that because i almost look at it like a xanax low volume you know yeah dude give me a xanax and three vodkas i'm fucking that's what i like really yeah doesn't xanax isn't that addictive yeah how often do you take Xanax? No, not a lot at all. Yeah.

But, you know, I'm just saying. What's not a lot at all? No, no, I haven't taken Xanax in years. Okay. I haven't taken Xanax in years, but I like a mellow calming. But when I start thinking about like why I exist, I'll start crying. Like if I start, like if I start, like we were talking at the beginning of the podcast about like why aliens, like, you know, I had a panic attack thinking that we were in a ball in space the other day i was driving and i realized that we were on a ball

that's moving in infinite space yeah and i freaked out because as a kid growing up you think we're you think we're here like you think we're down right right like we're flat on the floor and everything is up there and i just like shit like that so me getting super high dude I took an edible my brother my um my brother-in-law gave me a macadamia chocolate bar and he goes Paul this is the highest potent shit ever you can only have one square in it only have one square in it that's it so I bit it and it was delicious and uh 45 minutes go by and nothing really so I took another one dude I told my wife to take me to the hospital I fucking hallucinated I hallucinated and here's the fucked up thing I slept in my

son's bedroom and I woke up I couldn't remember that I had to piss I couldn't even hold a thought and he's got Darth Vader Star Wars all around he had a fucking goldfish this big the water was going in it and then I thought I heard two elderly like Latino men whispering conspiring against me outside. I thought I heard the water sound into the fish tank was turning into... She goes, you just got to sleep this off, dude. And I said, I'm not doing it. I can't do it.

I can't fuck with it. I don't know how you guys do it. How do you guys do much? The mental discipline to understand... I would think I'm never coming out of it I would think I'm going to lose my fucking mind I would have a full fledged panic attack I don't know how

I think it's for everybody no it's definitely not for me but if you only took that little bit of pot maybe you'd have been alright every story that's bad about Edible starts with I don't feel shit and then you take a second one. This ain't shit, right?

But I think what gets people is the 45-minute kick in. Because almost an hour goes by and you're watching a movie, you don't feel any different. Yeah. And you don't realize it's just starting to make its way into your bloodstream. And then it knocks your balls off, dude. And it fucks you up. And like some people embrace it.

Yeah, I like it. You like it, huh? I like being paranoid. You do? Yeah, I like it. I like it. I i think it's good for you but let me ask you a question being paranoid or being are you afraid yeah yeah i like it i think it's good sometimes to have that vulnerable feeling to to just like just puts it puts things into perspective like because you are vulnerable life is crazy we are in space. So many things don't make sense.

And then sometimes I think that's good for you. I don't like confidence-inspiring drugs. I would not be a good person on amphetamines and stuff like that, the ones that make you think like you're the king of the world. No. I don't think those are my thing. My thing is just I like to freak out a little bit. Yeah, that's why.

I think we should all be a little paranoid. Life is very unpredictable and wild, and it doesn't really make sense. And you could just decide that it makes sense because it's always been this way. And you could settle into what it is and think that it's- Wow. There's a structure to it. Oh, I get up in the morning. I have my cup of coffee.

No, there's no structure. This is wild. This life is madness, and it's random, and it's chaotic, and it's not going to last. Yeah, well, I don't like thinking like that. I like thinking like that. You like thinking like that. I like it. It's good for me.

It makes me appreciate the things that are here. And when I come out of it, I always feel, you know, like I'm learning something about myself. Are you spiritual? Do you believe in God, or do you believe in God or do you believe in something that's a weird question right the problem is spiritual it's tied down to like too many people that are annoying like that word has been attached to guys who wear wooden beads and talk nonsense because they're trying to get laid you know I mean like cult leaders and spiritual they're just talking I'm spirit I'm spiritual I'm not

religious but I'm spiritual I think it's very possible there's something greater than us that's that's running this whole thing i think in some sort of a weird way i think it's just what we think of as us as just being a human being the energy that it is of being a human being is a very complex energy and what what it means to be alive is very strange very strange and you're a part of some massive process massive process of billions of other similar organisms who are all all have their own hopes and dreams and ideas and desires and they're all moving towards a certain direction and all of it is moving together you just can't see it because you're in the middle of it. But as a superorganism, as one gigantic race of beings, we're all moving in a general direction.

And that's what I like about getting high, is that I can put things into perspective and it humbles me. Ah, yeah. I believe in something, and I believe in putting things out into the universe that come back. And I've had, you know, not to not to, you know, turn this into that, but I've had things answered that I've asked. So you think God's looking out for you? I think something is. I think something is, man.

And a lot of things that I've put out there and I've asked for and I believe in and I've gotten senses and feelings and, you know, whatever it is, whatever people want to say and people, oh, whatever, you know, this and that. But, um, yeah, I, I, I do. I think if you think that way, it can benefit you. It may be true. It may be true that something's looking out for you, but I do believe that if you think that way, it can benefit you. Yeah. And, and I, I think that there's, you know, there's some, a lot of the things that Jim Carrey said when he was like, you know, when you put things out there or you kind of talk it into existence and say something, you know, I don't know if it's some force, but there's some power to that. Maybe even if it's something that motivates you to get there, or even if it's something that comes in subconsciously to you in order to get that end result and get that final

goal. But when you say that, you know, I said some of the shit that I was going to do. And that's when, you know, some people are like, oh, yeah, but I said it and I meant it and I was and you know I was a guy that was looked over and I was like no no I'm it's coming you know and it's always and it's never going to not be that way but because that's what I that's you know what I do and who I am but when I say something I feel something and I I ask for it all right I believe you Paul Verzi don't follow anybody home anymore I know man you're a right. I believe you. Paul Verzi, don't follow anybody home anymore. I know, man. You're a cool motherfucker. I appreciate you.

Thank you very much for being here, man. Dude, I appreciate you for having me. It was a lot of fun. Thank you, man. My pleasure. Tell everybody your special, where they get it, what it's called. Guys, my special right now is streaming on Netflix. It's called Nocturnal Admissions.

And I thank everybody for the kind reviews. The Verzi Effect podcast, I co-host the Anything Better podcast with Bill Burr. I will be at San Diego American Comedy Company. I love that club. Yeah. That's a great club. I'll be there tomorrow through Saturday. And I got-

Look at that smiling fuck. How much makeup did they put on you? Jesus Christ. A lot, yeah. Who are you? What have you done with Paul Verzi? Yeah, I will be also in Rosemont. Zany's?

You been to that? Yes. Yeah, yeah. The Chicago one. The one outside of Chicago. It's like just outside. Yes, just outside. That's a great club.

I'll be there the 22nd, 23rd. I'm also going to Michigan in the middle of July. Go to paulverzi.com for all my dates. And dude, I really appreciate you having me on. Seriously, man. It was great to talk to you. I really enjoyed it. We'll do it again.

Appreciate it. Paul Verzi, everybody. Good night. Bye-bye.