The Joe Rogan Experience - #1844 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, author, and podcaster. He is the co-host of two podcasts, "Your Mom's House" with Christina Pazsitzky, and "2 Bears, 1 Cave" with Bert Kreischer," and host of his own Spanish language podcast, "Tom Segura en Español." His new book, "I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays," is available now. www.tomsegura.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Tom, you're a fucking author. Not only are you an author, but you're a New York Times best-selling author. Pretty crazy, man. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. That's pretty crazy.

I know. I really didn't think that would happen, to be honest. It's wild. You got a wild following, though, Cal. I know. I really didn't think that would happen, to be honest. It's wild. You got a wild following now, Cal. I know. It's just, I remember they're, you know, that's the whole thing. Once you have, like, everything in, they start talking about the sales, obviously. Like, first is the work of writing the book.

Right. Which is its own thing, and everybody's like, don't do it. At least comics are. They're like, don't fucking do it. You know? Everybody I know that's done it said exactly what you said. It's a grind. Yeah, yeah. It is.

What it is too is that for somebody that's out of school work for so long, it's the thing that feels like going back to school the most. Because you have deadlines. And we know, we don't write deadlines in stand-up. And you send it

and you get notes back. And they're like, there's blood all over the pages. Right. Like, you're like, and they're like, this doesn't even make, how do you connect these two? And you're like, I don't, I don't know. And they're like, well, that's what you have to do now. You're writing it. You're like, fuck.

Okay. So it's just like, it feels like you're back to work. You know, you're back to doing work again. How's your typing? It was rough with the arm, with the hand. Oh, that's right so i actually i started writing this book i i got the deal for it in that when the pandemic was like just had to when it was clear everything was shut down so everything started in march and then it was like april may

i feel like in that window is when i got the deal to do this and i was like yeah i'm not gonna do any touring like they were like remember remember, touring is like done. I'll write a book. I sent in like, I don't know, I sent in 10,000 words. And then a little while later, I sent in 20,000 more. And I remember that I gave it to the publisher. And she took her time with it, you know, like to do the, to do her notes. And it's, it's, you know, I don't know how many pages that is, but it's, let's say it's like a hundred pages or something. So it took a while. So I'm just like waiting to get notes back.

And then when they come back, it's like right before I get injured. So I think I, I'm then in the hospital and I have an arm that doesn't work for a while. And they go, how's the notes coming? I'm like, I'm not doing them. I can't write right now. Because I was. Yeah. And when I finally did get to them, it took a while.

Some chapters you get notes on say things like, you know, just add something here and there. And this works great. You know, make this more clear. And you're like, oh, that's not bad at all. And you flip the page and the next thing is like just we don't know what the fuck this story is about. And it's just like lines all over the place. Lose this. Add this.

Add humor. You're like, oh, my God. Add humor. Add humor, yeah. That's definitely one where they go, this story is a good story, but you need to add humor to it. And you're like, why do you have to add humor to a story? Because you're a comedian. Yeah, but you're also a podcaster. Isn't that the best thing about podcasting?

Because you don't have to hit a very specific note. You can kind of talk about anything. Serious, goofy. And you get comfortable. It's weird because most comedians, you see it, are so uncomfortable with moments without laughter sometimes. Mark Norman. Oh, really? Comedy.

He's not uncomfortable. He just can't help himself with the one-liner. Yeah, yeah. He just zings. He's got like a file in his head that just comes flying out. It does. It comes flying out. Yeah, I just did his podcast with Sam Murrell.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, very fun. We Might Be Drunk. It's a great podcast. Yeah. But, you know, you see comics who also on stage, I mean, obviously you want to get laughs on stage, but there's comics who can't even take a beat, a moment. Right, they get scared. They get real scared, like there's not laughter right now. And then you see people who really are super comfortable yeah setting up those moments gillis is great with that yeah he's locked in it's one of my favorite things to watch in stand-up and i because i really enjoy being taken on a ride yeah you know and that and a comic who's

really masterful at pauses yeah and leading you somewhere somewhere to then drop it on you. It's so fun. It's a thing. You've got to know when to do it and know when not to do it. It's so interesting. It's like jokes are kind of like songs. Like some songs, they're slow parts, and some songs are all just fucking hot for teacher. and hot for teacher.

I mean, I have part of my hour right now that is slower building, like in the middle of the show. And if I'm in a late show and it's a chaotic crowd, in my head I'll be like, just skip that shit. Because it's just, you know, it takes,

you have to pay attention to that. And you gotta know that on a crowd like that, it's time to like you know you gotta fire at them you gotta fire at them late show Friday

you have to people have been working all day they got up at 7 they went to work they probably went to the gym they got something to eat they started drinking and then they come to the show

it's 10.30 when the show starts out of their minds too out of their minds and sometimes they think they're they think they're your biggest they might

be your biggest fan they're like i'm here to have the like to see my favorite person and they're just ruining the fucking show there's a guy the other night at the vulcan like while i was on stage everything's like yeah definitely oh no way that's the word don't do that like oh jesus bro shut and everyone around him's like shut the fuck fuck up. Yeah, you tell him, Joe. That's what I'm doing. Dude, you know what I just had, had happened at the show that I don't know, I mean, this is so crazy that this happened at a show. I'm in Baltimore and doing a great venue there, like the Lyric,

and it's probably 30 minutes into the show, and somebody says something, and it's a theater. There's 2,500 or some people at the show, but somebody says something on a pause, right? So everybody hears it. Sometimes you navigate whether to deal with something or not the bigger the rooms get. You ignore things.

This person says it like, why is Bert fat or something? Because he eats too much. I don't fucking know, right? But my response made other people go, oh, this is when we can. Oh, no. I've had that happen. Right. So they start saying other things like podcast jokes or bikes and shit from other stand-up shows.

And I'm like, okay. And then at one point, it happens like 10 people in a row. I go, do you guys want to keep doing the show? Or do you want me to not do this? And they're all like, yeah, do the show. And when I say that, another guy jumps in from the balcony with another comment. Like, do you like Old Bay on your crab

or, you know, something like that? And I go, I hope you die in a house fire or something like aggressive and rude. And people laugh and I, you know, I just, and then I turn back and I do, I just continue with the show. But moments after that, you know, when you can,

you don't even hear something, you feel commotion. Right. It's like an energy. Yeah. So I'm up there and I'm moving on and I'm like, what is that? But I don't say it. I just, cause I just got through dealing with chaos, but I feel it.

And I look up there and I'm just like, whatever. And it, it kind of dies down after a moment and I just keep doing the show. So I get off stage. I see Dave Oken, who you met, my tour manager who was at the party. And he's like, you're not going to believe what happened. I go, where? He goes, up in the balcony.

I go, yeah, I sensed that something was going on there. He goes, a guy pulled his dick out and started pissing on people in the audience. And I'm like, what? What? He goes, yeah, but, you know, what we learn is that he was aiming for somebody but sprayed a bunch of other people. And the reason we know this is that one of the people that got some collateral damage is a friend of another guy I work with on the tour, Kier.

So he's like, yeah, my friend was sitting in that section, and he goes, I see this guy pull his dick out, right? And what we learn is, remember the guy that said the thing, and I'm like, I see this guy pull his dick out. Right. And what we learn is the member, the guy that said the thing, and I'm like, I hope you die in a house fire. Yeah. The guy behind him was like, you don't fuck with Tom's show. He's on my side. He's like, I got Tom's back and starts to piss on him. And it ends up pissing on a bunch of people. And I go, wait, what did you do? He goes, well, we all were like, get this guy the fuck out of here.

So then security comes over. That's the commotion. It was like people were like trying to get security. They thought that the guy who got pissed on was the culprit. So they go to grab him. And he's like, I just got pissed on. Go get that guy. But it takes them a second to figure it out

and meanwhile he gets out and as he gets up to the upper balcony exit area he runs and he sprints outside and they don't catch him the pisser got free the pisser got free but he's on your side he's my team yeah probably just had a really pee bad and it's like you know what I got a fucking idea I'll get the heckler yeah I'll just pee on the heckler because i have to pee anyway because if he's getting it everywhere that's a heavy stream that is a heavy stream yeah he's just spraying yeah i was at uh one of the boston venues and they told me after the show they're like that was sometimes they'll tell me you know we had three ejections or 12 it's like you know they'll tell me that after the show like yeah we had a eject the guy from the upper balcony

He just like squatted forward and pissed on the floor. So he didn't want to get up And then everyone's like it's this guy who's pissing in the seat Jesus Christ people are fucking an their animals Yeah, Oh my God, that's so crazy. One other venue, they said that a guy went, he left the aisle and then just went to the corner, like just pissed in the corner of the theater. And they're like, what are you doing? He just didn't, he's like, I don't want to go out and miss the show. So crazy. Imagine someone doing that at your house.

I know. People are out of their fucking minds. That's one thing I'm not looking forward to about owning a club. Oh Yeah, it's dealing with people just pissing in corners and stuff. Mm-hmm Yeah, it's really a thing right? I mean It can ruin the movie theater experience when you're like, I don't want to miss this right now Yeah, you just yeah, no, that's the other thing I love about watching movies at home. Yeah. Pause. Pause. Go take a shit.

Come back. Perfect. Have you ever, I mean, I've done it before where I'm about to go on stage, and I'm back, it's been not on this tour, but I'm about to go on stage and I'm backstage and I'm like, fuck, I got to piss so bad, and I'll just grab, you know. Yeah, a water bottle. Yeah, or something. Yeah, I've done that before.

I have to do it, yeah. Ari's done it in the studio a hundred times. In the studio? Yeah, he pulls out his dick and sticks it in a kombucha bottle. He always likes pulling out his dick, though. He loves pulling out his dick. He did it the other day. We had a podcast, and he left to go pee, but he didn't pee in a bathroom.

He pissed in a whiskey bottle in the hallway. And we got video footage of it, because we have cameras. We have security cameras. He's like, why are you filming me? I go me I go no no we're filming everything because you have security cameras the real question is why are you pissing in my hallway he didn't see that like look at him why couldn't he walked the bathrooms 10 feet away because these are Ari it's part of his fun part of his fun is he's Ari. It's part of his fun. Part of his fun is he's just completely inappropriate. The pull your dick out move is usually for having a real nice looking dick, a big one,

or comically if you have a very small one. It's like a fun move. Like a Bobby Lee move. Yeah. So what has he got? I don't know. I mean, I don't remember. I've seen it before, but I don't really remember it.

I dare to say it's not a memorable dick. It's a regular dick. Yeah. It's not a bad dick. No, it's not bad. It's a pretty good sized dick. Yeah, it's nice. Got giant balls.

Big balls. That's right. Yeah, they're crazy. They like hang low. That's really crazy. Yeah. Joey Diaz is the most ridiculous ones. Yeah.

Seen Joey's balls? A number of times. Grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. Yeah, that's a good way to describe them. And I've even requested them. I did that during the pandemic, there was a fundraiser for like the store or comedy workers or something. And we were all on this Zoom with people signing in, donating money to them. And we were like, hey, will you pull your balls out?

And he was like, I don't know. I need consent. You know, so we were like. I need consent. Yeah, we were all asking. It will you pull your balls out? And he was like, I don't know, I need consent. So we were like- I need consent. Yeah, we were all asking. It's okay. This is 2022 Joey. I need consent.

Yeah, so we all were like, please. Everybody said yes, please. He was like, all right. And he stood up, pulled him out. 10 years ago, it would have been greasy. He's serious. Dude. I know.

Donate now. What was that for? It was Comedy Store employees, I think. Oh, after the pandemic when everything got shut down? That is crazy. It looks like a bag of onions. Somebody was like, go to the store, and I'm going to make this soup.

Get six onions. Yeah, like garlic. Yeah. Like big, close-up. It's crazy. How do your balls get that thing? Well, I mean, does he go to the doctor? No.

Who knows what's going on down there? Mm-hmm. I often wonder. Him and, I feel like him and Bert probably have the most, like, I don't want to know the results mentality. For sure. You know? They're like, don't tell me.

Bert got his blood work done. He's like, oh, thank God my liver panel's good. Mm-hmm. I'm like, how? How is it possible that it's good? He got he got a call he said from the cardiologist he was in a panic and then she goes I don't know how you did it but Looks good go

Go celebrate like go have a good time. He was like you just gave me orders to do that. Okay, I Was like she doesn't really mean that it just means congratulations. We were talking about today like he is becoming The Machine yeah, yeah, he's not Bert Kreischer anymore. No no he's now the most yeah, it's like how Andrew Silverstein became dice clay. Yeah, yeah, there are people don't know, the Dice Man was part of Dice's act. Part of Andrew's act. Andrew had an act where he has great impressions. Dice has fucking fantastic impressions. He used to do John Travolta and a bunch of other people.

You can find them on YouTube. He does really good impressions. And then he had this character that he created called the Dice Man. And he would put on the leather jacket. Oh! And then it became his whole act. It became him.

Sam Kinison, same thing. He became the Beast. He even talked about it, how it kind of ruined his life. Hunter Thompson talked about that. He became Gonzo. He became this guy oh right you know that he would they didn't think of him as just a journalist anymore he was like part of the show yeah and they always wanted him to be on acid yeah yeah drunk and yeah yeah i see bert having

some of that for sure well i mean look at the massive success he's having doing it, which is part of the problem. Yeah. You know? I mean, if you try to go on stage and not take your shirt off now, that's no longer an option. Yeah, it's not an option. That's part of the show.

That's part of the show. Yeah. And you gotta tell the machine story. Part of the show. If you don't tell the machine story... Yeah. It's like not... I remember early on when he started to really move tickets,

and I was like, do you have to tell the machine story? I go, you don't have to. You can do whatever you want. He was like, no, I kind of have to. And I go, you don't. And then I saw him at a show, and I was like, oh, no, you have to. They really want to hear it. Yeah.

They really want to hear it. How. They really want to hear it. How long is that story? He can do different length versions of it. So he can do a shorter version where it's, if he has to rush through it, I think he can do it in 10 or something, but he can do it as long as 22 or 25. We were talking about it yesterday

on the podcast with Simpson. I convinced him to do that on stage. Burt? Yeah, the machine story. Oh, yeah, he gives you full credit. He never wanted it. He was like, I can't tell on stage. Oh, yeah.

I'm like, the fuck, you can't. You have to. But it's just crazy that this thing that he's most known for that is literally his personality now, he didn't want to tell on stage. It's hilarious. I know. Sometimes, like, your friend has to see it, though.

You know, like, I've had conversations with Tony about his act, you know, and I point something out, and he's like, dude, you were right. I'm like, I'm telling you. Sometimes your friends notice something that you don't notice. It's just a... Tags. Yeah. You know, tags are crazy.

I mean, the thing is, you get suggested bad tags, you know, by people. So sometimes you get off stage. Someone's like, you should say this. And, you know, for the most part, you go like, oh, thanks. You know, and you're like, that was fucking terrible. The worst is when a non-comic tries to offer you suggestions with a bit. And you're like, shh. Shut up.

Yeah. It's like saying to a surgeon, why don't you stitch it like XXXX? If you just don't go straight across but go back and forth and be tighter. Sure, yeah. Some people go, I'll send you some stuff that I think would work for you. I've had non-solicited stuff sent to me.

Oh yeah, I don't even read it. Because the last thing I want to do is read something and I have like a parallel idea that I've already started working on and I read it in this thing and thing i want to do is read something and i have like a parallel idea that i've already started working on and i read it in this thing and then i go oh god i read this guy's thing and i have a thing that's on the same subject you know yeah now some fucking schizophrenic thinks that you're stealing his act oh yeah that i mean that's that's a big one and and they'll also, you know, they'll suggest ideas. They'll go, I have jokes for you.

I'll do the thing, too, where I've, you ever do a set, and then you see another comic doing a set, and they have a bit that you didn't do in the club set, right? But it's in your act, and they do a similar thing. I'll tell them. I've gone up to them and been like, hey, just so you know, that bit you just did, I want you to know because you saw me here tonight that I have a bit about that.

So you know I didn't get it from you here tonight. Right. And then you have guys that come up to you and go, just so you know I have a similar bit. And they have a reputation for stealing. And you're like, do you really? How convenient that you found a new way to do my bit. It seems like yours.

Mm-hmm. The worst is when a guy is opening for you and then has new jokes on the same subjects. That happened to two friends of mine. One guy is the opening act and the other guy is the guy who takes him on the road. And he was on stage and he was doing this bit and my friend who takes him on the road

had his mouth open like, ah, he's fucking stepping on my material. Like totally stepping on the subject matter. And I had to pull him aside and go, hey man, like you know he does that bit. And just because you're doing a different bit, kinda, you're doing it on the exact same subject in yours opening act.

You can't do it. You can't do that. No, just so people, the way to do it is, if you're the opener, you just have a conversation with the headliner of that show. And you just go, are you doing X, Y, Z? Well, I don't think you have to do that if they hire you. Like if you're a middle act at a comedy club and you're supposed to go up and you do your act,

you just fucking do your set. You do, but if you then see the headliner have a like a topic or the thing that that's similar to yours you either just know not to do it or you talk to him about it you know yeah like when i i you brought me to do a vegas show and i was like hey are you doing anything in these and you're like i am doing this story i'm gonna open with this so i was like, hey, are you doing anything in these? And you're like, I am doing this story. I'm going to open with this. So I was like, oh, okay. I just dropped my bit. Yeah, but you and I are friends.

Like imagine if someone was a headliner and they kind of suck. Yeah. And you're like trying to become a headliner and you're a middle act. You might be like, fuck you and fuck your premises. The club hired me to do my time. Yeah. But it is, I mean, I just believe in like if you're middle, you're support. You should embrace that role.

Callan had a conversation with someone once. He had this guy middling for him, and the guy was like tanking the show. The guy was like talking to the audience but kind of tanking the show. And he said to him, he goes, hey, man, why are you doing that? Like the other set you were doing jokes, and now you're like, he goes, I can do whatever the fuck I want. He goes, no, no, you can't. Now, if you do that, you're not going to open for me anymore. It's like, you're actually, you're working for me right now.

Right. Like, if you do that, I don't want you to work for me anymore. He's like, man, my time on stage is my time on stage. He's like. Oh, okay. Bye. Bye. Yeah.

Yeah, let's get somebody else. And it was like a big to-do yeah but people don't people that aren't true like sometimes people have like mental breakdowns and they don't want to do their best anymore or maybe they just you know sometimes the just the grind of repeated shows can fuck with your perspective like there's times where i'm like a little tired and i have to remind myself j Jesus fucking Christ, Rogan, do you know how goddamn lucky you are just to be here, to be doing this? If you couldn't do this, like imagine, I also try to remember how I felt just recently being able to do shows after the pandemic. Like while we were doing shows, I was like, holy shit, we're back.

We're fucking back. We're back. The first time we did shows was in the middle of everything. It was July of 2020. We did the Houston Improv because Texas doesn't give a fuck. That's right. Everybody had masks on. Some of them were under their nose.

It was wild. Everybody was just basically risking COVID. Yeah, to do that. But the feeling of crushing again was so wild. Do you remember? You must remember. When we did, it was a year ago this remember, you must remember, when we did, it was a year ago this week,

July 4th week of last year, we did MGM Arena. Oh, yeah. And that was the first time Vegas was open again? Yes. Like fully open? Yes.

Those, that crowd, those introductions were insanity. Insanity. Yeah. And then COVID kicked in hard again after that.

Yeah. Because then the Delta kicked in. again after that yeah because then the delta kicked in right and then i wound up getting covid that's right yeah yeah that was that was extreme that was like people like holy fuck it's back yeah it really was that was not what a show that was too donnell you me dave yeah fuck that was amazing i'm there i'm there friday night oh nice same place yeah yeah that's that's a great venue. I'm fucking pumped. It's Hans Kim, Tony, me and Bryan Simpson.

Oh wow. Yeah. This Friday? Friday night. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah. I'm here all weekend. Are you really?

What are you doing? I'm doing ACL. Oh nice. Yeah. I got four there. Home gig. Home gig. Oh. Sleep at the house. Oh. It's pretty great. Dude, you're going so hard. It is.

It's wild. I don't know anybody who's doing a tour like you. I've never done anything like that. Nah, I've never even honestly heard of it, totally. I mean, people, we tour aggressively, but this is kind of other level. The name of it, though, is amazing. I'm coming everywhere. That's what you're doing.

And we haven't even announced the uh the final leg that is so crazy you have more legs yeah so we we have everything announced through this year uh domestically so i do i do so many this just just so the tour started in 21 right and in 22, this year I'll do 198 shows. Oh, my God. And I did, I think, because I started in August of 21, I think I did 70-something between August and December of last year. And then I do Australia, New Zealand in January, and then I announce the final leg, which is more international shows. Are you doing mostly theaters, mostly arenas?

Are you doing like half and half? It's a lot of theaters, and then the arenas have started to increase. So I started to do a couple. I have a few Canadian arenas, and then I'm doing two ball arenas in Denver, July 23rd and 24th. Nice. So that's big. Double, double arenas. Double arena, Mohegan Sun Arena, and we have a couple others on the books.

Denver's fucking great. That's my fucking. I love Denver. It really is. I love that town. I think, I mean, if I wasn't settled here, if you just go like, where do you want to live? I would live in Denver. I really like it.

If I was going to pick up and move, I think, the thing about Denver is there's comedy. Yeah. And there's mountains. I mean, it's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. You get proper four seasons, you know? Yep, yep. You get to experience it all.

Great restaurants. Great restaurants restaurants people are cool as shit yeah it's a really nice mix of everything the homeless thing is out of control there though Endeavor yeah they have a very liberal mayor and they're nuts what did we do with them here when I got did we throw them in the

river no the river is not going to get polluted by homeless people I remember when I got here the the library on Cesar Chavez was- Totally taken over. Completely taken over. Yeah. And then just one day you drive by and you're like, what happened here? They did a good job.

They fixed it. They brought them into shelters. They bought hotels. They spent a lot of money and they cleaned it up. And they cleaned it up substantially. Like no other city that I've ever been a part of, and it was just a great relief that this city is doing the right thing. They got them shelter, they took care of them.

And they moved them out of the streets. You can't litter on the street. You also can't camp there. Both those things are true. But you have to have a solution, right? You can't just be like, well you can't do can't camp there. Sure. Both those things are true. But you have to have a solution, right? You can't just be like, well, you can't do this and we have nothing, no option for you. No, they did a good job. Yeah.

They really did. I did notice because I was in LA last week because I was always kind of floored by the location of it, right? Which I don't know how that would sound to some people, but just when you like, there's always been a homeless presence downtown, for instance, downtown Los Angeles, you just go, this is like a lot of major cities, downtowns, and there's a presence here. And then, you know, you always had it in Venice, for instance, also, right. That was just like a, an area you would always have homelessness, but there was a camp set up in Brentwood, which I was like, wow, this feels like a real indication of the extreme level of this.

Because Brentwood, for somebody that doesn't know, is one of the enclaves of Los Angeles that is just really high end. It's an elite. It's where OJ killed his wife. OJ killed his wife there. Other people have died there. It's a wonderful area.

That's where OJ killed his wife. OJ killed his wife there. Other people have died there. It's a wonderful area. But it is, I mean, it is like a status area to live in. Yeah. And you would drive, you take this off of, I think off San Vicente, and there's the military cemetery there. And the camp was all along there as the road turned.

And it was just like- Out of control. Out of control. Out of control. They've given up. Yeah. But that one's gone now. That one's gone? That one's gone. Really?

That's what I was very surprised by. I don't know where people were relocated to, if they did any of the things we're talking about. But that one, at least when I went through that, I was expecting it. I was like, oh, it's gone. I don't know where it went. They have porta potties in the underpasses now they do yep holy shit we uh I went to LA for a couple days last week for your wife's birthday party that was a good fucking time for fun that was a good time I got a little too high

daddy got a little too high whoo I was in that blistered I was in that out she asked me she's like where have you been I was just getting high On the balcony We were high as fuck But it was fun It was just a fun party But anyway while we were driving We ate at Mother Wolf

You ever eat at Mother Wolf It's a fucking new place New place in LA that's run by The same head chef as Felix in Venice. Yeah. Fuck. Really? It's just as good as Felix.

Like that level. Where is Mother Wolf? Mother Wolf is on Wilcox. Thank you. So proper Hollywood. Yeah, Hollywood, Hollywood. Anyway, so we take the off ramp and then we're on the underpass, and there's porta-potties. Not one, either.

Like four. Like a deck of porta-potties. And then someone has a car parked there on the sidewalk. Like, partly on the sidewalk. So they're, like, half-blocking a lane. And then they have, like, a canopy draped over their car. And they have just stacks of shit. And then next to it was a dresser.

They had a dresser. Jesus. So they had their shoes in a dresser. They had a dresser. Jesus. So they had their shoes in a shoe rack. There was a shoe rack. Like this is where they live. That's really wild. I didn't know also that, you know, when you see stuff like that on the streets,

at least in Los Angeles or maybe in California, those are protected property, like by law. You know that? So you're not supposed to do that. But that's that person's property by law. Oh, the homeless person's property is protected? Yes, absolutely. Huh.

If you were to go and try to move that or take that. You'd get arrested. Yeah, yeah. Hilarious. But they wouldn't arrest you if you shot somebody. Maybe you should just go and shoot the homeless people. I like your ideas. Yeah.

And if nobody claims it. I mean, nobody does anything about violent crime in L.A. anymore. It's a fucking joke. Yeah. They're just letting people out. You know? That guy that killed Ted Sarandos' mother-in-law, he had just gotten out. Really?

Oh, yeah. Real piece of shit. Yeah. Just people that are just full-on career criminals. And? Oh yeah. Real piece of shit. Yeah. Just people that are just full on career criminals and it's bad. I mean. I just read about the guy that he killed a subway worker. You saw that?

Over too much mayo? Yep. He had just gotten out. Shot her in front of her daughter. He's a career criminal too. Yeah. Too much mayo. I like mayo. I love it too. I like a juicy subway sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. Too much mayo. I like mayo. That's why. I love it too.

I really stuck with it. I like a juicy Subway sandwich. That story really stuck with me. Do you know the bread in Subway sandwich has so much sugar you can't legally call it bread? No. Yes. Really? Yeah.

It's like a pastry. Yeah. Pull that up. Eat fresh, man. That's their fucking slogan. Remember when Jared the pedophile was eating bread from Subway and claiming that that's how he- Remember that he was my buddy and that I have his phone number? Oh, that's right.

We shot commercials together. Jesus Christ, that's crazy. We split a pizza at the W Hotel in New York. That's crazy. He was like, his friend said, you know, the executives are pissed they say Jared's gaining weight. I'm like, what? You look great. He's like, they're like, no, he's put on a few. Cause they would really, they go, we can only do this campaign with you if you're always, you know? Yeah. How much did he lose

total? Man, I think he was 500 pounds and he got down to like the low twos. So he probably lost over 250 pounds. Yeah. Subway rolls, rolls ruled too sugary to be bread in Ireland. That is hilarious. Pull it down to the article. Ireland's highest court made the ruling in the case about how bread is taxed. An Irish franchise, the U.S. company, had claimed that it should not pay VAT on the rolls it uses in its heated sandwiches, but the court ruled that because of the level of sugar in the rolls, they cannot be taxed as bread, which classified as a staple product with zero VAT. I don't know what VAT is.

That's a tax, VAT, tax act. Under Ireland's VAT tax act of 1972, ingredients in bread such as sugar and fat should not exceed 2% of the weight of flour in the dough Wow, by the way, the funniest quote is the subway spokesperson Subways bread is of course bread Look at what they say the content the sugar content is 10% of the flour In the dough for both white and whole grain rolls. 10% is crazy. Yeah, that is.

Shouldn't have any fucking sugar in there. Yeah. Why does it have 10%? That is. It's a pastry. Yeah. Subway's bread is, of course, bread. We have been baking bread.

Fresh bread in our stores for more than three decades. And our guests return each day for sandwiches made on bread that smells as good as it tastes. Dude, look at that. The rolls are now subject to tax at 13.5%. Wow. So if you're working out your margins there, that's a big increase from what it was, right? Yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah, that's a hit. Yeah, you're like, I think we've got to remake this bread, man. Yeah, just make regular bread. Yeah. I mean, how many people would buy less Subway sandwiches if it was no sugar in their bread? Maybe you don't know. If you're used to that taste, you don't know how it's made.

And if they do that, you'd be like, the fuck is up with this bread? I'm like, well, we cut the 35 grams of sugar we were putting in. It's like, oh. Yeah, 10%. If it's 10% of the flour is sugar, what is, like, does normal bread, do they add sugar? I want to say.

I think white bread definitely has sugar in it. Some, right? Well, like Wonder Bread, but that's not really bread. Oh, it's delicious. I mean, it's kind of bread, but Wonder Bread is basically pastry. Yeah, because that's a very sweet tasting bread.

Oh, my God, it's so good yeah Wonder Bread would like peanut butter and jellies fucking fantastic one slice 1.5 grams for white bread yeah yeah oh that's from what's this white yeah does this say how many grams are in a subway yeah it's a lot it's a lot yeah look at that mmm companies reviewing the ruling a six inch subway roll contains three to five grams of sugar. That's not that bad. It doesn't seem that crazy. Except for gluten-free, which has seven.

Oh, interesting. They added more sugar to gluten-free. It seems like that Irish Supreme Court could have been just a little bit of a scam. Like, let's increase that tax rate a little bit. Yeah, probably. Let's get that bread tax up. I mean, they have a known history in the UK of being a little tax happy. Tax, yeah.

Remember those days? Oh, yeah, sure. We had a show on the fucking what's what. What's what, dog? Yeah, bro. And then there's the big tax loophole that exists in Ireland, right? Which corporations funnel their money through them. Oh, yeah?

Uh-huh. What is that? What's the loophole? So I believe the loophole has to do with, you know, if you route your money through certain countries and they have laws that allow it, they allow you to go like, our money is actually deposited here. They collect a tax on it, but it's far less than what they would pay if they kept it, let's say, here. Oh.

So they end up, it's essentially housing that money there to pay less tax. I believe it's the Irish, it's called like an Irish corporate tax loophole or something like that. Just so many tax loopholes. But it's a big one. tax loophole or something like that. Just so many tax loopholes. But it's a big one. And they've, like, you know, there's American politicians who have, like, lobbied to try to get that done away with, like, ban the ability to do that so that people would have

to pay more taxes here. But so far. The problem with paying more taxes is they're just going to find more ways to spend your money. I don't necessarily think it's going to make anything better. I think the bureaucracy in this country is so clogged up and fucked up and ineffective. I don't think they would be better if that. If we all just gave 75% taxes, they're not going to fix the streets.

They're not going to cure the homeless problem, fix all the crime. They'll just figure out more ways to spend. They'll find new ways to tell you that the rich people are not paying their share, so you turn on them. Yeah. There's like, I love memes. I've been fucking meme happy lately. Yeah.

They're so funny. It's like when things are gone crazy, like I love memes because it just seems like that's the shit that makes- They sometimes summarize things perfectly. Yeah. Yeah. But someone just sent me one about, here, I'm gonna find it for you,

about people with pitchforks turning on the people with torches. Hold on a second. I'm fucking this up. It's not good. Bro, my vision is dog shit. Mine too. It gets worse.

It's getting so bad. All the time. I mean, if I don't, I'm not going to find it. If I don't wear reading glasses, oh, here it is. I can barely see. You know those little things, the little squares on your iPhone? Yeah. The images?

I have to make the image full size. Yeah. But I can't figure out what that little thing is. Yeah. but I can't figure out what that little thing is. Yeah, I've gotten to the point where if any type of thing is written on the phone, I have to enlarge or wear glasses. I can't just read the...

So this one's like a cartoon. Oh, no, you don't need to fight them. You just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks. Oh, yeah. It's real. It's real. I mean, this is what they would do if you got more taxes.

I guess that's not a meme. That's a cartoon. Yeah, but same idea, basically. So are you aware of that Russian Popeye guy? The guy who gets... Russian Popeye? Yeah, he's this guy who is addicted to plastic surgery. Oh, no.

Is this guy who I've seen a photo of that his face is so fucking crazy? He's doing crazy stuff to his face, but also doing stuff to his arms. Yeah. They look good. Look, his arm looks seriously infected. His left arm, I mean, I don't know what's going on there, but he's injecting his arms with something, like oil or something. Maybe it's synthol.

So I've read somewhere that it was petroleum jelly that he's doing. He's like literally insane. This is like complete mental illness. A hundred percent. Well, if you look at his, the translations of his posts, it's all, I am a very attractive man. I'm very handsome and very confident. Like, sure.

And so his new ones. Most guys like that. Say that. Oh yeah. All the good looking ones. I'm very good looking and I'm very confident. He. And so his new ones... Most guys like that say that. Oh, yeah. All the good-looking ones. I'm very good-looking and I'm very confident. He's doing to his face.

Look at that face, the big one. So he's doing this to his face now. Which is weird when you hear him talk because he's got this heavy Russian accent. What is his face, man? Look at that. Yeah, that's not good. He's got... How beautiful is this? How beautiful is this? face, man? I mean, look at that. Yeah, that's not good. He's got...

Oh, man. He's got makeup on, too, for sure. He does. Definitely got lipstick on. There's no way those lips wouldn't feel good. On your cock? Yeah. Maybe.

You don't think that would feel good? Come on. Like, if you just covered everything else up. You wouldn't even have to cover everything up, because he looks kind of like a crazy girl. He does. He looks like a real crazy girl. Yeah, like, let me see his face, full face.

Like, if you get fake eyelashes on that dude, and long hair, you can pretend. Yeah. I have before. All right. Hey. Cheers, everybody. Oh, hey. Number two, New York Times bestseller.

How you doing? Hey. You're number two, huh? I was. I think I'm seven this week. Who's number one? When you were number two? It was Fox and Friends host, and it's like reshape the American mind

Oh, yeah, it's got a little read got the Christian emblem next to it like lets you know It's a cold friendly book in every store You know did you know that when the printing press was first made most of the really popular books were like how to spot witches No, yeah, I always thought like books. Oh the old books like we're gonna pass down our knowledge of mathematics and geometry yeah this is how you build a house uh-oh yeah no the early books were like the really popular ones like how to spot witches yeah that's hilarious but it only makes sense that they're down to two printing press houses in america now what so it used to be a thing where if we all wrote books

and you're like, when's it going to print? And they'd be like, when it's done. We don't care. Now you have to get a slot. Like you're talking about like a hardcover book. And because there's only two left, if you lose, let's say you're like, oh, my book's not ready or whatever happens, pull out.

Now you have to wait for everybody who already has a slot to print before you can get another one. Oh. So it becomes a thing where the deadline to print becomes extremely important. How many did there used to be? So many more to the point where it was never an issue. would never be like well we can't get a slot I know this because when I had my deadline I called them the night before and I was like I'm not gonna meet the deadline tomorrow and they're like you have to and I'm like but I won't and they're like you really And they were like, you really have to.

And I go, well, let's push it, and then we can get a new date to print, and we'll just push the release. And I pitched this whole thing, and they got back to me the next day. They go, you have one week. They gave me an extra week to finish it. And I just wrote night and day. Did you take Adderall? I didn't. I'd never taken it. I haven't't either but i would think about it for for that yeah that would make me hyper i've never done it my wife took it once she told me it's it's crazy super focused she said she only took like

a half of one her friend was like just take the whole one yeah she's gonna try a half one she's like she's cleaning her closet yeah crying in her teeth i could use that i don't mind that i could use that type of focus i am terrified of speed because i'm terrified that i would enjoy it you know i like the kratom have you taken that i have taken kratom have you taken it as a pre workout no well yes well i've taken it as a bunch of different things but you know chris bell chris and mark bell yeah we're talking about yeah so ch Chris Bell's the one who turned me on to it. That's who turned me on to it. And so he tells me if you take a small amount, it's sort of like a mild stimulant, like a

cup of coffee. Yeah. But if you take a larger amount, it has a different effect. So I go, well, how many do you take? And he goes, well, before I work out, I take 10. I go, 10? What? 10.

I didn't know that. You take 10? I go, so I take 10. I go, 10? What? 10? I didn't know that. You take 10? I go, so I take 10. So I took 10. And I was high as fuck. I was high as fuck. Wait, did you take 10 vials? 10 pills. 10 pills, okay. Yeah. Because the vials,

the liquid form, is more potent. Oh yeah, that would be crazy. I take one of the, I've been doing it for a couple weeks. Yeah. And I feel fucking ready to go after that. I love it. Does it make you feel like you're ready to work out?

Like you feel better? I do. Yeah? More energy? Uh-huh. It's a weird drug. It's a weird drug, though, because if I'm being totally honest, I also feel more confident on it. Really?

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I'm just like, I don't know. You feel more confident. But that's good, right? I think it's good for going into a workout. What's it bad for?

It just makes me laugh because you say that and somebody goes, you mean like cocaine? And I'm like, I guess so. But it's kind of like an opiate, right? I mean, I've heard different commentary about it. But I just know that I really liked it for their stuff mind bullet I really liked it yeah that it made me nervous when I tried 10 10 you might do you might want to dial that back I'm like but you also like I'm gonna do a cold plunge for 25 minutes so might be something in your brain doing

that well I just wanted to see what he was experiencing was he was telling me he was doing 10 I was only doing two on my own. Okay. Cause I think maybe he'd even said it on the label. I don't remember, but I was doing two and I was like, Hmm, gives me kind of like a good feeling. I like it. Like it was like a good cup of coffee. Chris is one of those guys who, cause I worked out with them in, in Sacramento. He can just go in there, you know, on a moment's notice and still pull five, 600 pounds. Really? Yeah.

He's 50-something years old. Chris or Mark? Chris. Damn. That's a lot. He's not a big guy. I know. Strong dude.

Just has that switch. And he has fake hips. Does he? Yeah, he had his hips. Mark is still super fucking strong too. Yeah. Yeah. But 10 is, you're getting high.

Yeah. You're getting high, high. It's a wild high. It's You're getting high, high. Yeah. It's a wild high. It's like this kind of high, like, ooh. That vial, if I had taken another one, I might be like that too, loopy. Yeah, but that's what it does. It's weird.

It's like it has a different effect with low dose than it does with high dose. It's not like with low dose you get confident and a little pick-me-up, but high dose you get even more confident and more pick-me-up. Sure. No, I was high. High, high. i was high like we yeah but i didn't have any motor control issues like uh everything moved perfect sure it wasn't like i was impaired but you did did you finish that going i don't want to do this again yeah i never did it again never touched it again do you like any pre-workout Never touched it again.

Do you like any pre-workout? I don't generally. Generally, I'll take a Kill Cliff. I like Kill Cliff. Okay. Because it's like 150 milligrams, just B12 in it. 150 milligrams caffeine, like Kill Cliff Ignite. I like those pre-workouts.

But I feel like all I really need is to get sweaty. Once I get going, then I'm good. I have that thing. I mean, it's not probably that unique, but the feeling of breaking a real sweat just from lifting is so much more rewarding than from cardio. Because cardio, you go like, I'm definitely going to sweat as long as I'm... But you can do a lifting regimen where if you do it at a certain pace, you might not sweat. Right.

But you still have like a pump going. But if you get after it with weights and you really start sweating, I think it's one of the best feelings. Yeah, it's nice. It's a very anxiety relieving feeling. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. There's two types of lifting, right?

There's like lifting heavy and with big pauses in between your sets. You don't get too sweaty for that. No. You know, doing like sets of two and three. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't really do that. The heaviest thing I lift is 70 pounds.

Really? Yeah. Occasionally, I'll do deadlifts with more or squats with more. And when I say 70 pounds, I mean a 70 pound kettlebell i might use two yeah but it's like 70 pounds with each hand that's what i was carrying when my knee popped the other day and i was like yeah i was tearing a dump i was doing rows you know and i had it in my hand just it's fine i mean it was fine for the rose for the rows. And I go to move and I don't pivot. Like my left leg stayed planted.

And I just felt pop, pop. And I was like, is the knee that I had injured before? Yeah. And it was a good four days. Serious injury. Serious, serious injury. For people that don't know, there's a video of it online. We don't need to watch it again.

Yeah. But it's a patellar tendon tear. Yeah. And so you have to repair that. But my knee also swelled up, and I was like, oh, no. Yeah. I got so nervous about it. I got it x-rayed.

I got it examined. I got an MRI. Yeah. And they go, I think you just tore a bunch of scar. There's so much scar tissue there. So they go, you tore scar tissue. I don't even want to get my knee MRI'd, my knee that's causing me problems. Really? I just want to keep choosing up up with stem cells yeah hopefully yeah it's working

it's definitely better it's definitely better 100 it's just i gotta not kick with it that's the whole deal i just can't it's too much torque in that yeah it's too much yeah you know it makes sense and i i can't i can't just have acid well my PT, because I saw her when I was in L.A., she goes, like, are you doing lunges? And I go, yeah. She goes, are you fucking stupid? And I'm like, what? And she goes, are you a fucking dumbass or something?

I go, no. Does she talk to you like that because you're a comic? No, she just has, Dr. Karen, she just has that. That's her? Karen Joubert, yeah. She has that personality. she just had dr. Karen. She just has that that's her Karen. Jabariya She has that personality and I mean we're friends, so we you know we've hung out. We've socialized about she's great But she she goes you're doing Lunges like a fucking idiot and I was like I guess so I go hey

You never told me not to do lunges and neither did anybody else she goes I mean look at the movement of your knee when you're doing a lunge, dummy. Of course you're gonna fuck up your patella. I was like, all right. She goes, no more lunges. Well, how long has it been since the surgery? The surgery was a year and a half. And you still can't do lunges? She just said that it's really best to,

the torque you put on the knee on a full lunge, especially like a weighted walking lunge, is a lot for a patella, for patellar tendon. So she's like, you can do squats, you could do deadlifts. So never do lunges again? Is that what she's saying? I mean, maybe if it was, because they like, the doctor said, it's so funny, when I got injured, they go, orthopedic injuries, full year, year. Everyone said a year. And a year, that's what it takes. You got to need a full year to recover. You a full year okay i go in the other day when i had this scare and he goes yeah you know your left quad's coming back pretty good it's not where the right quad is but i can tell you've been lifting and

this is good i go yeah he goes you know it takes two years before your quad comes i go when did we add another fucking year to this and he's like oh that's what it takes for a like a quad to really come back two years i go oh so now we're on a two-year plan. Okay. But how do athletes do it? Because it doesn't take two years for them. I don't know. I mean, I think ACL stuff might be a little different or maybe the regimen they put them through.

I'm not sure. I just, you know, this is just what they told me. And they just said, you know, maybe strengthen it up even more before you get into lunges. But tell a tendon is a big fucking tendon. It's a big one, yeah. I mean, what happens is too, I mean, it's pretty obvious, but when that tendon tears, your patella just goes floating and you have no hinge ability.

So it's just a leg that doesn't move because you don't have a knee. So it's just completely useless. And then you can't move it when the surgery comes, when you're recovering from it, you can't move it at the surgery comes is you know when you're recovering from it you can't move it at all like you know when you do acl repair you're able to walk on it like after a few weeks and you're able to then you know 10 weeks later but you're in a straight brace for the patellar for like six eight weeks i went to a party without crutches five days after

my acl surgery okay i just put a knee brace on and i was walking around there you go i worked out I went to a party without crutches five days after my ACL surgery. Okay. I just put a knee brace on and I was walking around. There you go. I worked out real hard. While I was in really good shape, I was doing jujitsu a lot. And I popped my ACL and then got it fixed within two weeks. It was really quick. Jesus.

Yeah. And I didn't do any meniscus tear on that knee at all. It was just, it wasn't a normal way of tearing it. It was jujitsu. And I was in what's called half guard in a lockdown. And I was trying to pass this guy, his half guard, and he extended his legs. And instead of my leg being locked out like this, my leg was locked out sideways. So it just snapped and it sounded like a carrot. It did? Yeah, like that, loud. And that was the ACL?

Yeah, and it didn't even hurt, that's what was crazy. How about, could you walk when you stood up? Totally. I got up and my knee was a little stiff and I kept rolling, I kept training. And then I was in my office, I think i stopped early though i think i stopped training early because it was starting to starting to like stiffen up and i was like yeah maybe this is something because it doesn't hurt but maybe it's something um meniscus tears hurt like a

motherfucker that's what they were telling me but sometimes tendons and ligaments they don't really hurt yeah it's weird so then i was in my office just moving some shit around and my leg just went, it just buckled. And I had already turned my left ACL like 10 years prior. So I knew what it was. I was like, God damn it. So luckily I went in and I had already seen this doctor cause he had cleaned up my meniscus in my left knee. And I went to him and he's like, dude, you need surgery. I go, when can you get me and it's like 10 days okay we're good so 10 days later I had surgery and five days after that I went to my friend Matt's birthday party that's why you just had knee surgery I go dead good Wow he's like what the fuck are you doing yeah I'm gonna brace on that's

why I was walking around didn't bother me at all I didn't even have any pain medication and you were exercising shortly after that. I did jujitsu six months later. Six months later. Yeah, it took six months of training, but I rehabbed it hard. I didn't rehab the left one that good because that was like in my 20s and I was kind of stupid. Yeah. But I was so into jujitsu when I was in my 30s that when I blew that ACL out, I was doing body weight squats in the shower,

like deep body weight squats in the shower, like just days after surgery. I was like, I am going to break this tissue up. Like I know my left leg is really strong and I can hold the position and my legs are strong. I've been working out a lot. So I know I can like do stuff like this. So I'm just going to slowly make sure that – because I have a friend, my friend Jen. She got her knee done up in Canada. Shout out to Jen Rivett. She got her knee done up in Canada. And I don't know if it was a bad doctor or a bad situation, but she developed scar tissue that was so bad that she couldn't fully extend her knee.

So they had to put her under. couldn't fully extend her knee, so they had to put her under. So they put her under after the surgery, like a long time afterwards, to try to straighten her knee out to break up the scar tissue. And they did it in this insanely painful way that you can only do if someone's out cold. Fully out, yeah. Still didn't work. Didn't work?

Nope. So her knee doesn't fully lock out. Her knee never goes like that. It goes like? Yeah, it goes like this. So she kind of walks with a limp, and I goes like that like yeah it goes like this so she kind of walks with a limp and i'm like god damn it when i see shit like that and she's younger than me i see shit like that i'm like well that's how you blow your hip out because you're favoring one knee and you put pressure on your other knee your whole body's like out of balance if you have something wrong

like that yeah and you know i whenever i talk to anybody that's had any kind of surgery like that. I'm like you gotta keep that fucking leg moving You can't just sit around. Yeah, you can't just sit around and let it heal and let it heal like and lock up Well, I'm just I'm so glad it was scar tissue. Yeah, I know that's so lucky So you don't even know if you finish saying that so it was just the scar tissue that popped in your knee when you had that thing recently. Yeah, because everything was intact. I mean, you know, first it was x-rays and they did this manual exam where they move your leg around and they're like, does this hurt? Can you do this?

Can you extend? Can you resist? And, you know, past that. And then, yeah, the MRI and they go, it was scar tissue. So thankfully. That's very lucky. Oh my God. I was just panicked about being laid up again.

I was like i know multiple guys who have had an acl had it fully repaired and then went too hard too quick and then blew it out again yeah yeah yeah i knew by the time by six months after the the two different ways that i did it on this side i had what's called a patella tendon graft where they take a piece of your patella out and you can see the scar on this one it goes like this here they take a piece of the patella with a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your knee cap and then they open you up like a fish and they drill in that and drill in that and this patella tendon replaces your um your acl but on this one i took uh i did a cadaver and this one, I did a cadaver. And this one, they used an Achilles tendon from a cadaver. And it's 150% stronger than a regular ACL.

Whoa. Yeah. So this one- Didn't know that. This one's good to go, son. It really is. I'm kicking through walls with this one. With that one, but not the other one.

Well, the other one, I had some meniscus damage. And they repaired it initially, but repairing for regular people and repairing for kicking are just two different things. The amount of torque. Right. Walking around is different. Yeah. Walking around probably would have been fine. Yeah.

But there's just too much twisting and yanking. And, you know, kicking is so, especially spinning, there's so much torque on your knees. There's so much going on, driving into things. Sure. It's hard. I don't want to get my knees replaced. That's what I don't want. Because I know Michael Bisping had both his knees replaced.

I know my friend Steve Graham, he had both his knees replaced on multiple times. So you're going to dial it back with kicking with that leg, right? For a while. That's why I went today to get the stem cells. Shout out to Ways to Well. Shout out Ways to Well. They're ways to well they're great yeah it's awesome i brought friends oh it's so nice i mean stem cells all those biologics like that's it's just it's so it's such a game changer because it can heal things in a way that you just did not have access to before stem cells yeah sure it's amazing.

I mean, it already feels better. Like, he's been doing it for the last couple months, injecting it, and it feels way better. It was hurting going upstairs, and I was like, God damn it. Because I just know where this road goes. Fucking nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. And the road goes also to a weakened leg.

So I make sure that I do a lot of stuff on that leg. Yeah. I've been very, very diligent about the knees over toes program yeah I have that that torque sled I pull that motherfucker backwards I got every day I'm supposed to get that sled tomorrow or the next day yeah shit yeah that thing's the shit I used it I used it at the bells place they had one it. Oh, you didn't see the gym here. Oh, I saw it. Oh, did you? It's fucking wild. Isn't it cool? Yes.

That's cool as fuck. Did you see the archery range? Yes. Yeah. It's nuts what you have here. Yeah. Yoga room, sauna, cold plunge. Crazy.

Float tank. This is your personal gym. It's dope. Yeah, it's dope as fuck. Well, other people use it. Yeah. Security guys use it. Yeah, yeah.

Curtis comes in. Fucking, I'm coming by, man. Anytime, brother. Anytime. Come on down. Have down have a workout it's awesome i love having it it's just a beautiful thing to have you know it's like it's a it's also a fun thing to do with guys before you do a podcast sure get a workout in yeah yeah sweat that's it's great yeah i'm gonna offer like yoga classes for people that want to come and do a podcast. Like say, hey, the podcast starts at 1, but if you'd like, we're going to do yoga at 10 a.m. Come on down, get a little yoga class in, that kind of shit. Are you still doing a lot of yoga?

I haven't been, but I want to. That's why I put the yoga in. I really enjoyed when we did that. I mean, it was a whole different. Yeah, but not even the challenge aspect. I mean, that was cool too. But getting into something that I didn't really do before, and I do miss it. I like the feeling of completing one of those classes.

Yeah, we got to get Bert on the sober October train this year. We can't miss this one. He needs to get sober. I'm down. Because I want to see. I mean, he's so much more of a drunk than he's ever been before. Right? Wouldn't you agree? He's out of control. He's out much more of a drunk than he's ever been before. Right? Wouldn't you agree?

He's out of control. He's out of control. What happens is he, you know, it's not unlike, I think, anybody that maybe tours is that his wheels fall off on tour. I mean, you know, that happens to a lot of people. You get home, you get grounded, all right, home. But he tours a lot. So what happens is, you know, the party guy's party guys on the road it's gonna be a fucking party yeah he put a post on the instagram he texted me too telling me about it he's like i'm gonna lose weight i'm gonna do this i got my goals and this

and then uh he goes but i'm back on the road in two weeks i'm like bitch yeah you ain't doing shit because i'm getting jacked this month he's gonna have one hard workout and he's gonna be really tired and he's like i deserve a drink this is a video of him that he put up on his instagram and it's i think it's from him on the podcast on this podcast talking about how much he loves drinking i'm never gonna quit drinking oh yeah i love it i love. I love when someone says, do you want to get mimosas? He gives a couple of speech. He has a couple of those.

I know what it was from. It was from some, it's called like the Sunday podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's it.

Yeah. Where he does this really. Yeah. He's done on this one too. But on that one, it, yeah, he,

he does it. It feels like a coach. Right, right, right. Yeah. Halftime. Yeah.

We're going to win this fucking championship. He's evangelizing. Yeah. Yeah. He does this thing sometimes where he's totally serious where we'll be together. Right, right, right. Yeah. Halftime. We're going to win this fucking championship. He's evangelizing. Yeah. Yeah. He does this thing sometimes where he's totally serious where we'll be together. I'm like, how you doing? Like we just first sat down. How you doing?

He's like, good, good. Haven't drank in a while. Feel good. Got to go. I go, when was the last time you drank? He'll go, uh, Tuesday. I'm like, that's not that long ago. That's two days ago.

Yeah. Does that sound good? Drinking. Yeah. I will never quit drinking. I will always make sure that I can keep my body healthy enough so that I can always drink. I love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail, seeing a sunset with a cocktail, having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine, getting on a plane.

Can I get you something? Double jack on the rocks. Lots of rocks. I love the moment someone says, says hey we should get a drink and you and you're not supposed to that feeling it's like a first kiss you don't get that first kiss kisses when you're married you get to have those first drinks at a brunch someone goes should we do mimosas and then the waiter goes actually we have bottomless mimosas and you're like this is gonna be the best day ever dude you just hyped me the fuck up.

You just hyped me up, bro. That was like a locker room speech. Yeah. It was pretty inspirational. I should speak at AA meetings. He's crazy. But it's also, he's built different.

He really is. Actually, he really is. He would be a fucking hell of an athlete if he wasn't a drunk. That's the total 100% truth. Like when you played him tennis. Fucking unbelievable. Yes. It wasn't even, and here's the thing.

He didn't really prepare for that. And he also showed up hungover and with beers on him. Like in his hoodie pouch. And I was like, are you okay? He's looking pretty hungover. What it was, too, because he actually he played he was a really good baseball player right he has really good hand eye coordination um and that his serve was i'm not joking it was phenomenal really his serve was phenomenal for somebody that's also not actively playing, and he could do things, like he could do kick serves,

and he could put spin on it, and he was serving impressive. Impressive for anybody who plays tennis, but especially for someone who's not even playing all the time. Yeah. That's right. Let me see. Give me some ball.

Let me see if he's... Nope. Didn't like that one. But this is like him still figuring it out, right? That's a light. That's not an example. Did we just start this match off with an ace? Nope, didn't like that one. But this is like him still figuring it out, right? That's a light, that's not an example. Did we just start this match off with an ace? He gets so much, and this is my fucking gay serve.

Hold on. Okay, this is really bad. I can't play tennis at all so I'm impressed. When you see him actually serve next it's... Dude, there's kids around. This is so, I'm sure, horrific to watch, but... So bad. I mean, this is like watching two blind people fuck.

Yeah. When he got after it, I guess that didn't have it there. But yeah, so anyway, i had a tennis coach there like a really good player and after the match he's like dude i he goes i'm sorry because he coached me i go what he goes he has a legit d1 college serve and i go what he goes yeah that is fucking really impressive i had no no idea he would have that. But he does have, he has athletic gifts. For sure he does.

If he wasn't a fat fuck, if he wasn't a fat fuck, he'd be a hell of an athlete. The only, actually, you know, the thing that would completely change that guy is, it's obvious, but it's his caloric intake, right? Like he, he's at a surplus every day. It's surplus food a surplus drink if he was like I if you told him you have to cut this out, right? Your life's gonna you're gonna die He would fucking look Unbelievable like the weight loss challenge when you guys the first sober October we did was just a weight loss But even that he did it the Burt way right which is like a cram two weeks out

He's like I'm gonna starve myself like that's how he did it the Burt way, which is like two weeks out. He's like, I'm going to starve myself. That's how he did it. He didn't do it like, you know. And did he even starve himself? I think he just dehydrated himself. Yeah, he dehydrated himself. He probably skipped a bunch of meals. He has a skinny formula, which is. Yeah, he goes, you want to be skinny?

I'm like, yeah. He goes, what you do is you drink, you take a Xanax. What? Yeah, he's like, you sleep all, and then you wake up skinny because you haven't eaten in like 15 hours. I'm like, yeah, you could just be awake and not eat. What a bizarre way of handling it. Yeah, it's just his mind, man.

Oh, God. Thank God he's a comic, right? Imagine if that poor fuck was like some salesman somewhere. Yeah. Just be hating life, waiting to get drunk. Oh, I could see him totally working at like a tackle shop, you know, like somewhere like you need bait. You need some get some worms here for you.

And he would just be tipping one back on the job and it's fine. He works at a bait shop, you know. Maybe. Maybe they'd fire him. Who knows. Put the worms where the fucking lures are supposed to be. Maybe they'd fire him. Who knows?

He'd put the worms where the fucking lures are supposed to be. It's just like there's certain people that you can't imagine them being anything other than comics. Yeah, for sure. He is our John Daly. Oh, yeah, for sure. That's definitely who he is. Yeah, that's our John Daly. But what I worry is that it's like so attached to his persona.

Right. He has that thing. It's not uncommon where he goes, I don't want to disappoint people people they're here to see the machine they want to have a drink they want to party with me and he's not he doesn't want to let them down you know well he'll let them down when he dies yeah that's gonna be a letdown that would suck the thing is like you can't live long like that. Yeah, I know. Nobody lives long like that. No. You live, but... I know.

You're in a weird race with... Obviously, he has great genetics. He does. He does. So, for drinking, his genetics are fantastic. Yeah, they really are. Because he doesn't... Even when he's really drunk, he's pretty fucking coherent.

There's times where I didn't know, and then all of a sudden it's revealed. He's like, I've had... 85 drinks. Yeah. He's like, I drank like these two bottles of whiskey

and 45 beers. I'm like, what? And then I'll be like, oh yeah, he's like, check this out and he takes his clothes off.

I'm like, oh okay, like now. But I didn't know a moment ago when we were talking. The wildest shit is watching Shane Gillis.

I heard about this. Shane Gillis and Ari. Ari said, I'm going to go beer for beer with you, which is ridiculous. Yeah. Shane's a big guy, too. He's a big guy. Yeah.

I mean, former football player. Yeah. Very tall. A lot of mass, right? So Shane is handling 15 beers. And plus, he had a couple we shotgunned a few, too. We shotgunned. Did he have like 17?

So he shotgunned two? He was on 18 when Ari was on the ground. He was on 18? 18 beers. Really? Yes. And he was fine? Oh, funny.

Yeah. Funny. Fine, funny, great sentences. Wow. Talking shit, having a good time. Dude's got a real capacity. Oh, it's superhuman. Wow.

And Ari was done. Ari was throwing up in a cooler. Yeah, I saw the picture of him asleep with his arms folded like a little baby on the ground. Bro, I stayed for hours. Because after the podcast is over. We're looking, for the people just listening, we're looking at the photo of Muhammad Ali when he knocked out Sonny Liston. But it's Ali standing over Liston and Ollie has Shane's head and Liston has Ari's body.

That is so funny. Shane's really funny too. His comedy is amazing. His stand up is really, really good. It's excellent. There's a great crop of upcoming comics right now. It's fucking great. His special he put out.

Fantastic. Yeah. I watched that thing complete, like fully through laughing the whole time. Very, very funny. And his new shit is even fantastic. Yeah, I watched that thing complete like fully through laughing the whole time It's very very fun and his new shit is even better Yeah, and I say the same thing about Bryan Simpson Bryan's eyes so funny so funny We worked last night and last night he had to go on after Duncan and Duncan Trussell did little hobo Yeah, he brought little hobo back. Yeah, if you never seen little hobo ladies and gentlemen It's one of the best fucking bits I've ever seen in my life.

It's a beautiful bit. And I don't want to give away anything about it. But it's about a dummy that his grandfather had and his grandfather died and that's the end. That's all I'm telling you. And it murdered. I mean murdered, like standing ovation. I've never seen it in LA.

It would murder then too. He just started doing it again. Him and I had a conversation about it. I'll go, you've got to bring back Little Hobo. Oh, really? Yeah, because would murder then, too. He just started doing it again. Yeah. Him and I had a conversation about it. I'll go, you got to bring back Little Hobo. Oh, really? Yeah, because Little Hobo got stolen. I didn't know that. Yeah.

From a gig? Someone stole it. Yeah. Wow. So he had to buy a new Little Hobo. So he went on eBay and he found a Little Hobo, like a dummy. He's a new resident now. Yeah.

Because people don't understand him. He lives here now, too. Yeah. He's fucking awesome. Isn't it crazy? Yeah. Yeah. We got a great crew here. Yeah. Yeah. Shane's moving Yeah. He lives here now too. It's fucking awesome. Isn't it crazy? Yeah. We got a great crew here.

Yeah. Shane's moving here. He is? He said he's thinking about it. I'm going to get him to move here. Nice. Yeah. We need him. That'd be great. Fuck yeah. When the club opens, we need him 100%. How soon until the club? We're in construction right now. Okay. Depends on how long it takes for things to

What are we in? July? Yeah. Beginning of July. Alright. Hopefully my goal is to do New Year's done. What are we in? July? Yeah. Beginning of July. All right. Hopefully, my goal is to do New Year's there. Really? That's what I'd like. That'd be awesome. I would love it if we get done by New Year's. Celebrate New Year's Day.

Even if it's just a party. Sure. Even if the club's like, we open up January 1st. Yeah. With the club. That'd be rad. I just love to just. That'd be rad.

Yeah. It's going to be so sick. I can't wait, man. I can't wait. I can't wait to have a place. Yeah, it'd be rad. Yeah. It's going to be so sick.

I can't wait, man. It's so exciting. I can't wait to have a place. And for me, like selfishly, it'll be opening as I'm getting off tour, which is ideal. Yes, perfect. And you have a club to go to and work at. And for me, it'll be getting open right around the time I release my special. So it'll be perfect for me because- Okay, you're going to shoot soon.

Yeah, so it'll be right around the time where my special's released. And so I'll have to do new material, and it'll be a great place to shoot them. Yeah. So it'll be right around the time where my special is released. And so I'll have to do new material. It'll be a great place to work out. But, you know, two of my favorite places to work out right now are I love working out at the Creek. Creek in the Cave. Yeah. Where I saw Christina run her set, which, by the way, was fucking hilarious. That's her new stuff.

Yeah. She's funny, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen any new stuff. She's funny. Yeah. She's hilarious. Her bit about fat models is off the yeah. She's funny, dude. Yeah, yeah. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen any new stuff. She's funny. Yeah, she's hilarious. Her bit about fat models is off the charts.

It's so funny. Got a lot of hate. We've been talking about that a lot. Yeah? A lot of hate? People are mad? Oh, yeah. Fat people.

Well, yeah, and fat models. They all found it. I mean, because I know she has her act. We were also just having conversations on podcasts about it. Yeah. She has her act. We were also just having conversations on podcasts about it. Yeah.

And, you know, my thing was I go, you know, everybody has a preference for whatever their standard of beauty. That part I'm fine with. But my case was that when people go, you shouldn't talk about body types or people's bodies. I'm like, what are you talking about? What about Bert? But what are you talking about? But what are we, what are you talking about? Because we all talk about other people's bodies. You do it in your head. You do it to your, like you do it to yourself. You say it to yourself. You say it to your friends. It's part of the way our brains are organized is that you have a commentary about the attraction level of somebody else.

A hundred percent. I mean, it's always done. Even the people who lecture you about it, those people will still, if you walked away with one of them and they're like, Hey, have you seen so-and-so? They're like, yeah, I don't know what's going on with it. When she gets over 260, I think she goes too far. Yeah. They would still comment about it. And it's like, now the funny thing is to me is if you go like, well, I'm a model. Okay. So you signed up to have your photo taken because you go, I want my picture out there to show what I am. You have to be open to any criticism about it.

Just like if I sign up to say things, I'm open to the criticism of you commenting on what I say. You can tell me I suck and I'm not funny. I have to be able to accept that because this is what I signed up for. Yes. So you signed up to be a model. It is open season. It is fair game to say whatever about the way you look. So I just, I don't, I don't embrace the idea that you can't comment about the way somebody looks who signed up for, Hey, look at my looks. That's their a hundred percent. Yeah. No, no yeah no no we fans are butts i said it much more rude things i should be clear i wasn't this um eloquent about it i was like you know i want to see beautiful by my standards yeah uh women and fuck it even guys like if you're a guy in your

model i want you to have almost an unattainable body. Because that's a model. He's got a six-pack and he's fucking beautiful skin. That guy got the gift. Those are his gifts. He's genetically gifted to look like that. The woman that we grew up with, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, and you would see just stunning women. There are 11 out of 10s. You go, I don't even see a woman that looks like this ever walking around.

Right. The standard of beauty. And that was your introduction to like almost fantasy getting into sex, right? Because you're probably a young teen and you're like, what the fuck is this? Like Elle McPherson? You're like, I've never seen a woman like this before. And then I go, you know, I enjoy that personally as the standard of models

yeah so for me I don't know you have a fucking a model that looks like she's the long snapper for the Colts like I'm gonna say hey I don't think you're a model I think you know I think you should dig ditches or something I don't know I just feel like it's fair to say that you look like that. You're not my kind of model. I don't like the way your body looks. But, I mean, it depends on what you're doing. The problem is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has always been beautiful women with great bodies.

Yeah, exactly. That's the whole idea behind the swimsuit-ition edition. It's fantasy level. Yeah. They're just like, you literally could go to 100 beaches all over the world. You'd never see a woman that looks like this. Or you might see one. Maybe.

And go, wow, look at her. What the fuck is that? Like when you go to a beach and there's always a guy on the beach that's just jacked, shredded. And you're like, wow, you prepared for the beach, buddy. Yeah. Way to go. You deserve it. All year was today.

Yeah, you deserve it. Yeah. As you're walking around, strutting prepared for the beach, buddy. Way to go. All year was today. Yeah, you deserve it. Yeah. As you're walking around, strutting your stuff like a peacock. And keep going back and forth. Show us that. Walk around the pool a few times. Yeah. Yeah.

Let it out. Let it out, buddy. I remember we were in Phoenix once for a show, and we're hanging out at the pool at the W Hotel. And this fucking guy walked by, and he had like 4% body fat and he was like 250 pounds. It was the most ridiculous human being I'd ever seen outside of a gym. I was like, dude. And I was with Eddie Bravo.

I go, look at this motherfucker. Yeah. I go, that motherfucker looks good. Yeah. Exactly. You go like, he was just like, dang, dang, dang, just shredded everywhere. It looked like he was so excited to be at a place where he could take his shirt off. Yeah, good for him.

And the criticism is when you showcase that and celebrate that, that you're endorsing unattainable body types and you're making people feel bad about their body. And I just don't believe that. I just don't believe it. I believe that, you know, we all have choices. And yes, we're all built different. We have different genetics. But I don't believe that having this incredible freak be the model is negative for society. I don't think that that's true. It's not negative. It puts a lot of pressure on people. Sure. To try to look better. But so what? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Why is that a problem? Well, competition is a part of pressure on people to try to look better, but so what? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Why is that a problem?

Well, competition is a part of everything. There's intellectual competition. When someone achieves a Nobel Prize, is that an unattainable level of intellect that other people can't achieve? And you shouldn't flaunt that with awards. Yeah. I mean, what do we do when someone achieves like Jeff Bezos levels of wealth? Is that an unattainable version of wealth? He shouldn't be allowed to have a yacht that's fucking 60,000 feet high? What are we doing?

There's people that definitely say that. But why? It's like this is the same participation trophy crowd. It is. You know what I mean? Yeah. It bothers me. It irritates me that people feel like, you know.

Well, you work really hard. It's one of the reasons why it bothers you. Yeah. Because it's like that applies to a lot of other things too. Sure. That applies to wealth. You know, when people love to talk about income inequality, which is a real thing,

but you know what it's also a real thing? Effort inequality. Sure. There's not equal levels of effort. That's true. There's a lot of people that are fucking lazy. There are a lot. Whatever reasons.

I mean, maybe they have hormonal imbalances and depression and low levels of serotonin and dopamine i don't know but and to be fair there's people who work really really really hard and you know barely get by there's tons of people like that sure true sure because it's a game and you can't just run full blast yeah like sometimes you got to juke left and go right sometimes you get a fake you got to figure out what your strategy is It's yeah, it is a game. Yeah, and people throw off speed pitches sure Are you got to figure that out? Yeah

And some people really figure it out and some people fucking don't and they just wind up busting their ass 12 hours a day And they're always poor yeah, and it sucks, but the game is not set up for everybody to just do But the game is not set up for everybody to just do The best they can and succeed beyond their wildest dreams That's not how it works like you have to think your way through it. I got a high school teacher It was kind of a fucking weirdo He was an odd guy history teacher But one thing that he said he goes This world is not set up for hard work because this world is set up for hard thinking

He goes if you think hard and it requires you to work hard as well That's one thing but just working hard is not enough anymore. This is like 1983 Wow. Yeah, that's pretty excited in that yeah I remember him saying that hard thinking and I was like he's right because like you could like work hard But go down the wrong path and then you got to back up and start from scratch. And everybody's way ahead of you. A lot of people who are incredibly successful who just have minds that are. They figure things out.

Yeah. They just have a higher, like their ability to see the things and plan and execute. Just it kind of topples it You know these people who come up with some business ideas that you're going how the fuck did you see that? And they're in the office like 16 hours a day and they're sleeping on the couch Elon Yeah, sleeping on the floor the factory while he's trying to get the production up like that's not a normal person. No, of course not No, he's also very um people like that are they're solution-oriented minds you know they look at the world they go here's problems how can we how can we solve these problems yeah it's not fair like people's minds aren't like everybody's mind is different like

like for whatever reason whether it's a biological issue it's life experience a combination of the things there's a lot going on with what makes a person make choices and there's also like things that people are happy with like i have an uncle who's an artist and he like paints on driftwood and shit like he doesn't give a shit about money really yeah he's not really interested in money he's never met people like that yeah he's just interested in like art and he's like really calm and we like like talk slow and really peaceful and kind of envious in a way of you know like having the mentality of that i'm not motivated by any material things or like you know obtaining more or succeeding in that, where they're fulfilled. Yeah.

Where you feel fulfilled just by the art itself, you know. I guess. Yeah, I mean, it's not who I am. Yeah. I'm not ashamed of it. I need constant stimulation, so I'm not envious of it. Yeah. Like, my brain just needs stimulation,

whether it's documentaries or physical acts or... Yeah. I need to... I need project i need things to go out you know like write a book yeah yeah and then the book's done you're like what's next so i'm i shot this thing i told you i wrote and and shot this like basically an episode of my own show yeah because that was like i need i need that to feel creatively fulfilled right and then there's business attached to it but it it's not in the, you know,

I didn't write this to make money. It was like, I need a project. I have to be, you know, and then it's like, you're not doing that. Work on your hour, get a special, shoot the special, let's work on another one. I need that type of thing going. Yeah. Well, you know, one of the things that I really realized while we were doing the sober October thing is how much you can actually do if you have to do it like like when you know when you have to do x amount of yoga classes in a month you make sure you do them yeah and then you realize I could have always done this yes but the community pressure helps oh 100 that's really the goal the goal helps but the competition helps too but one thing I

would never do again is the fitness challenge i would never do that again that was too much yeah everybody kind of went dark after a while well when burt was talking shit yeah and i was like you're gonna die yeah i'm gonna take you in a deep water i'm gonna fucking drown you you told me that you started that you went dark and started thinking about like fights oh yeah i started thinking about fighting again yeah just because of like that that flip was switched right it brought me flipped yeah the switch was flipped it brought me back to that weird mentality that i had when i was fighting where it's like you could never do enough you had to do more and you had to be thinking about it all the time and it it became this obsessive competition. And then it was also the thing about people

with numbers is when you're looking at everyone else's numbers, right? Because we were doing this my zones thing. So you have a chest strap heart rate monitor that you're wearing and it attaches to this app, which is pretty clever app. And the app registers 80% of your max heart rate is yellow. And then when you get into red, which is 90% of your max heart rate, you're getting like three points. Yeah, there's a point system. And then green would be like 70. Was it like a minute, three points a minute or something like that? Something like that, yeah.

Something crazy like that. And then green is like very easy. Yeah, but you only get a point. Yeah, you only get a point. But when- The sweet spot was getting those two points, I think. Yeah. So you can try to sustain that. Yes, that was a sweet point.

But the thing is like seeing other people's scores and knowing that you had to beat their score. Yeah. That's when it gets crazy. Yeah, of course. I think that's what people get with money. That's why those billionaire dudes are always like jockeying for position.

Absolutely. Yeah, they see those numbers in Forbes and shit. My two favorite stories about that, about being recognized for your wealth are Prince Al-Sharweed, I think is his name. I might be mispronouncing it. My apologies, Prince, Your Highness, and Trump. They both have like really well documented beefs with forbes for uh not for forbes under reporting their wealth they claim

you know did you ever hear the recording of when trump called a reporter and pretended he worked for trump yeah yeah oh yeah and was saying that Trump's wealth is far more than it's being reported. And he talked about his dating options. He's single now. He's dating. He's got a lot of options. He's doing great. But it's so obviously him on the phone. And it's John Barron. Yeah, something like that.

And then he named his most recent son Barron. He wants to be a Barron. Yeah. He fucking loves that name. He's so transparent. The guy is so funny. But the conversation on the phone is wild. It's so funny. And then, you know, they played that for him in an interview. For him?

Yeah. What did he say? Not me. That's the way he handles shit. Wasn't there. Doesn't sound like me at all. Didn't do it. Wouldn't do it.

Don't need to. By the way, that guy's right. Yeah. I'd like to hire that guy. The prince ended up suing Forbes. First, he sent him that he sent the next year, like a leather bound custom, you know, like attache with all his reported holdings. And he's like, this is my actual wealth.

And Forbes, like they went through it and they go, no, it's not. You know, I mean, they were saying, you know, for instance, you're worth $12 billion. You're saying $20. And we don't see it. We checked it out. He was furious. Furious. That's wild. Yeah. I'm going to sue you. That's wild. Donald Trump uses

the pseudonym John Barron throughout the 1980s. Yeah. I hope this plays it. I don't know. Yeah, let's see. Okay, what's your first name, by the way? John.

John Barron. Back in the 1980s, this John Barron guy was one of his publicists. He was the go-to guy to get, you know, Trump goods. Let me tell you what the deal is, just so you understand. Okay. And he would say, well, you know, I'm just calling for Donald,

and I need to tell you this story. And I'd like to talk to you off the record if I can, just to make your thing easier. Okay, sure. Is that all right? Yeah, that's fine. But they were always him. It was Donald Trump. That's so funny. He's hilarious, sure. Yeah, that's fine. But they were always him. It was Donald Trump. That's so funny.

He's hilarious, dude. He doesn't give a fuck. There's almost a part of you that goes, it's just hilarious when someone doesn't give a fuck that much. If he wasn't an existential threat to democracy, and the power that he wields over his minions wasn't just so disturbing, it would be hilarious. If he wasn't in line for president, if he was just a baller.

Remember when he was in all the rap videos? Oh, yeah. Rap songs? They were always referencing Trump. He was the man. When I was a kid, he was just a symbol of wealth. Yeah. Right?

So, yeah, he would be in movies. He'd do cameos. He was in Home Alone. Yeah. They cut him yeah, he would be in movies too. He'd do cameos. He was in Home Alone. Yeah. They cut him out. They cut him out of the new version? They cut him out of the old version. Stop.

Yes. In Canada. In Canada when they play Home Alone, Trump is no longer in Home Alone. This is hilarious. Really? Yep. Canada is communist. Canada's crazy.

They're fucked. They're fucked. They gotta get rid of that guy. How much time does he have? I feel like he's been prime minister for a while. Am I wrong? I don't know. I don't know how their system works up there. I have zero understanding of their system. Yeah. I never looked into it at all. I just, I didn't even, I liked him. I liked him before the pandemic. Trudeau? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, he's a handsome guy. Yeah. Seems sweet. Yeah. You know, it's like good good looking guy confident

good talker yeah and then during the pandemic i'm like oh you're a fucking dictator yeah oh you don't like criticism you're trying to shut down criticism by saying that all your critics are misogynists and racists yeah he said that about the trucking people the truckers he called them call them all misogynists and racists yeah Oof. Yeah, he's gross. He's a sketchy guy. Yeah. And he's got some fucking shaky deals. I would like to see where the money is coming from.

Why do you want everybody to get injected every four months? They don't need that anymore. What are we doing? What are you doing? You can't even get into Canada unless you're vaccinated. Can't get in? No. Make sure that's true.

Because someone just told me, Whitney just told me, she had to show her fucking vaccination card to get into Canada. That seems like it adds up. It's old. It's 2022. It's not 2019. You know where it still feels,

because I think things sway there so aggressively when something happens, where it feels like, wait, what time is it right now? It's in New York. I was just in New York. Oh, yeah. Everywhere. Everyone was masked up everywhere.

I was like, what's going on? Why is everyone still masked up? They're scared. We live here. It's a different place. Like, everybody here said, well, I hope I don't get sick. Take care of yourself. Do your best.

Get medicine if you get sick. Yeah. But New York is, it was strange. I was there two weeks ago. It's bizarre. Yeah. It's very bizarre. It's very bizarre.

They still wear masks indoors. Fucking Allie Wong was wearing a mask at your party. I kept talking to her and giving her shit. She would take the mask off to say something louder, and then she'd put it back on. You really think that's working? She goes, I don't want to talk about it. Allie.

She's great. I love her. Border restrictions to enter Canada extend until at least September 30th. Yeah, September 30th. Really? Fuck out of here. Listen, man. If there wasn't money involved in this, if this was just a public health decision, I would be way less cynical. But there's a lot of money involved in this. There's a lot of shady

deals with pharmaceutical companies. Pharmaceutical companies are responsible for 75% of all advertisements on television. That's a really astonishing number. It's astonishing. This is one of two countries in the world that even allow pharmaceutical companies to advertise on television. Goddamn. The other one is New Zealand, but New Zealand has far more restrictive laws. Yeah. We are buck wild captured by an industry that makes great drugs.

Some of the stuff they make is all. I'm not anti-pharmaceuticals. Life-saving. Yeah. All of it. There's a lot of great stuff. Life-saving, life-enhancing, but it's a corporation. And corporations, they revolve around mass amounts of money.

They want to make more money every quarter. It's a constant, endless growth cycle. And they just had their biggest fucking years ever. The last two years of pumping out vaccines were their biggest fucking money makers ever. And they have no liability liability which is really wild like all the other stuff like Vioxx which went up killing 60,000 people and they had all this fucking data that show that it was bad for you yeah and they still they I had what was his name John Abramson on the podcast

who litigated against the pharmaceutical companies for that. Yeah. And he got the internal memos where they were saying there's all these issues, blood clotting, cardiovascular issues, but he goes, which is unfortunate, but we will do well with this. Meaning we will do well financially.

Oh, right. So they're going to release it knowing that all these people are going to have all these problems. Yeah. And people are just fucking stroking out left and right. Yeah. I mean, what is the revenue on a Merck or Pfizer yearly?

It's got to be astonishing numbers. What he said about, I'm going to maybe fuck these up, but it's roughly in the neighborhood of these numbers. With this Vioxx thing They made 12 billion God and then they were fined 5 billion so they killed 60,000 people yeah, and they were fined 5 billion, but they profited all the rest sure They profited more than they were fined yeah, so they've made 7 billion billion. They're like, yeah, but it should be 12. Yeah, we got robbed.

We got robbed. They took our money. That's really crazy. We need more money. That's really crazy. It's crazy. But that's how those corporations exist. That is- Brigham used to be a pharmaceutical rep.

Yeah. You ever want to get cynical about pharmaceutical drug companies? Yeah. Talk to Brigham. Well, it really reminds me when you talk about the mentality, it really like drug dealer mentality yes you know it is but it's thanks heroin and coke dealers would be like yeah people died but I made a fucking fortune yeah yeah yeah don't take as much yeah what are you doing what are you doing why are you getting so high but with the Vioxx it wasn't even that it was just people

taking the normal dose and killing them stro. Stroking out. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good, man. It's not good. But the thing is, it's like there's a long history of them doing that in this country. So to give them, these companies that have had the worst records as far as knowing that things were bad, releasing them anyway, and then getting fined for them. releasing them anyway, and then getting fined for them. Like Pfizer got, what is it?

Was that the biggest fine ever in the history of medical fines for pharmaceutical companies? I mean, they've been fined billions and billions of dollars. Yeah. And everybody's like, yeah, but so what? Yeah. They don't do that anymore. They're good now. Yeah.

Same fucking people. Well, think about what that lobbying group is like. Ugh. Like the Pfizer-Merc lobbyists. The Pfizer one was for a criminal fine, whereas the other ones are like settlements or... Okay, so GlaxoSmithKline, $3 billion settlement. God. The largest civil false claims act settlement on record. And Pfizer's $2.3 billion, $3.5 billion in 2022 settlement included a record-breaking $1.3 billion, 3.5 billion in 2022 settlement included a record-breaking

1.3 billion criminal fine. But the fines for Vioxx were larger than that. So how does that work? Hmm. What was the amount of fine for list of the largest pharmaceutical settlements? Look at this. Sharing Plow Settlement, $345 million. And that was Medicare fraud and kickbacks. And that was for Claritin. No shit. Claritin? Claritin.

Yeah. There's a lot of dirty fines, man. Yeah, there's a lot. Vioxx. Yeah. Let's see what Vioxx got fined. Huh. I'm off the promotion of Vioxx.

It says $950 million. But I think they got, it was more than that. Maybe there's other shit. Maybe there's more than one ruling about it because so many people died. God damn. Yeah. It's spooky stuff because, you know, on one hand, you need pharmaceutical drugs. Like, they're really good for certain ailments and illnesses, and they save people's lives, like some of them.

Yeah. But they're just trying to make money. They are, of course. Yeah, you can get away with... And the thing is, if something does produce a lot of money, you'll always be able to keep making it. Yeah. The industry will not die if it's a massive producer of revenue. You should read, if you really want to get grossed out, read The Real Anthony Fauci.

The Real Anthony Fauci? It's called The Real Anthony Fauci by Robert Kennedy Jr. Really? Yeah. It details all of his involvement in AZT with the HIV crisis in the 80s. Sure, in the 80s, yeah. AZT was killing people way quicker than then AIDS was and it's killing it was they were using as a chemotherapy drug before that yeah

it was killing they shelled it because it was just killing people it destroys DNA he was pushing it oh yeah yeah and they were giving people in this in the trials they were giving people blood transfusions the people in the the trials that got AZT they got six times more blood transfusions than the people that were in the control. Wow. The whole thing is, the book is wild. Would you podcast with him? It's super political.

I would endorse reading the book. I don't know what criticisms of the book exist. I would have to read the criticisms of the book. There's a lot with things like that. Obviously, it's outside of my area of expertise but you'd sit with him though would you talk with him on a podcast i would think about it yeah he's very hard to listen to he really ironically not maybe not ironically but he has a really fucked up voice because he was injured by a vaccine really yeah yeah he took a vaccine he had a very bad reaction to the vaccine

and it affected his voice it fucked It did something to his vocal cords. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's why he talks. Have you ever heard him talk? Yeah, I guess I didn't really, I guess it didn't register as that strange of a voice to me. I've heard him speak before. He's a very rough voice.

He struggles with words. I saw him, he was getting into it with what's it called? Paul? The Kentucky Senator? Rand Paul? I think so. I think they were going at it. Robert Kennedy Jr. and Rand Paul? You sure? Wasn't Fauci and Rand Paul? No, it's Fauci and Rand Paul. Fauci and Rand Paul. Yeah.

Were you saying what I have Fauci on? Yeah, Fauci. Oh, yeah. You wanted to come in for three hours? Yeah. Fuck yeah. That's what I was talking about. Fuck yeah. Come on in, little fella. Wow. Come have a seat.

Wow. He's sick again with COVID. Fauci is. Right now? Yep. Yeah. He's having what's called Paxlovid rebound. Hmm.

Fauci says he's taking second course of Paxlovid after experiencing rebound with the antiviral treatment. Fauci said that when he first tested positive, he had very minimal symptoms. So he had minimal symptoms. He took Paxilavid. He tested negative, and then it came back. And then COVID came back harder. So now he's experiencing much worse symptoms. So it's like a second round that he's getting that is, or is it that it kind of suppressed it for a moment and then it just came back? I really don't know. I mean, he's old too.

He's 81. Is he 81? Oh, yeah, he is 81. Do you think Paxlovid is legit or no? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's an antiviral. I mean, I don't know.

Tested negative for three consecutive days. He decided to take one more test. Found himself positive. Okay, so it was. What I'd like to know is, is he taking IV vitamins? Because IV vitamins are fucking fantastic for it. That's what I gave my parents when my parents had it. Yeah.

I got my parents on IV vitamins and monoclonal antibodies. That stuff is super effective. That's what saved Trump. I mean, you got to remember, Trump is fat and old. Yeah. And four days after it, he was like campaigning and fucking waving at people. days that's pretty impressive that's when i lost all my fear of the drug of the disease when he i was like i just need to get what that guy got yeah because i'm fucking good yeah he's eating kfc every day and shit that guy hasn't run in 25 years he thinks of his body like a

battery and he thinks that you exercise you you lose energy one thing that is incredible about that guy is that you know i'm saying even when you when you watch him as president he was full of fucking energy full of it every day and they said he slept like four hours a night one of those people it's on adderall god do you think he's on adderall yes i do only because there were multiple people who used to work on The Apprentice that were like, he was fucking gassed up for shoots. Really? Yeah, because he has trouble reading. He would struggle to read prompter or script when he was just, let's say, sober. So they would give him that and he would dial in more on reading. Uh-huh.

So they would give him that, and he would dial in more on reading. Because he gets very bored, they said. He would get bored at the CIA briefing in the mornings. He was like, I don't want to read that. There's a daily briefing you get as president. He's like, you fucking read it. And then tell me. And if it's bored.

So they would have to make it more engaging for him. I heard that they would put his name in briefings multiple times to keep him interested. Put his name in briefings mm-hmm multiple times to keep him interested and then Kushner, you know his son-in-law Yeah, it said that he came up with a formula To keep him engaged Yes, because you know, he obviously was close to him and knew him well and the formula was Like the two good one bad so if they were gonna give news, they could go, you start with some good news. So they go, this is going well. Everybody's thrilled with you about this.

Here's a bad thing. Also, people love you for this. So that's how they would tell them bad news. They couldn't just go, here's a bunch of bad news. Of course. Yeah. He's a man baby. He's a fucking toddler. Yeah, he's a toddler.

That's exactly how I talk to my kids about shit. We played the video yesterday of Kanye sitting in the White House talking to him, just ranting about stuff, about other galaxies and alternative universes. And Trump's like, yeah. He's like, how about this guy? This guy's great. I don't know what the fuck he's saying. But he's just letting him rant, too. Yeah, yeah.

Well, his whole thing, it was very simple, too. He goes, do you like me? Yeah. Then I like you. That was it. That was the standard. Yeah. It's fucking hilarious.

It is hilarious. Dana White, who I love, is really good friends with him. Yeah, he likes him a lot. It's a very, very funny relationship. But Trump came to one of the UFCs. I was at that one. Yeah, you were there. I came over and shook my hand. Was that Vegas? I believe it was New York, wasn't it? No. No. but Trump came to one of the UFC's I was at that one yeah you were there I was

came over and shook my hand was that Vegas I believe it was New York wasn't it no no it was Vegas was it it was Vegas cuz I remember no it was Madison Square Garden he came to one in Madison Square Garden because I remember he was there and there the security was off the charts it was hard to get into the building though I came to a different one he came to two one you were there that was fake I didn't meet him that time that was when he was off the charts. It was hard to get into the building. No, he came to a different one. He came to two. One, you were there. That was Vegas. I didn't meet him that time.

That was when he was president. The other one was after he was president. The one that I met him, the one I was at was- There he is, T-Mobile Arena, Vegas. You were right. That's Vegas, yes. See, that one, you're right. That one, he came and there's Masvidal.

Masvidal likes him too. I remember this. That's right. He came and sat down and everybody cheered i remember las vegas metro uh police back in the tunnel yeah where um i normally if i'm if i went with you to one of these you know they're just like yeah go where you want you know right and they were like where the fuck do you think you're going i was like i'm going over here they're like no you're not yeah yeah hilarious is that a melania stand-in that's who's that who's that that's his gumad oh my goodness you know what i'm saying oh no that's that dude's wife listen that's what you think the guy i don't like how is she smiling in the back old guy she seems a little happy to be there. Maybe that's his.

That is- Fucking side piece. Side piece. Get a nice side piece. Got to have a little piece on the side. Some guys have a side piece. If you own a casino, you do. Yeah. I can't keep my main piece happy.

How do you keep a side piece happy? I don't know. I mean, it's hard. Your main piece seems pretty happy to me. She's very happy. I keep her happy i shouldn't say that she's great but what i could say is like it's a lot of effort in engaging it's like i'm very happy she's great my wife's great but i mean there's they i couldn't imagine being one of those guys that has like side wives but these you have to put them up this world is a different world. Well, that world, they want side worlds.

They want side girls. And a lot of these guys, like super billionaire characters like him, they have like a whole separate world. Like that girl's set up in a mansion somewhere. That woman, that beautiful woman that was walking in, is with that older guy behind her. Oh, you know that? He's a billionaire casino owner. Nice. Yeah, the glasses let me see him again let me see him

again yeah because i like when a really old fucked up looking guy can get a fucking nice that guy is a billionaire he's a billionaire nice one for sure nice forget his name. I think Silver something. I like it when those relationships. That guy with the glasses. He's like 85. Perfect. And that's his wife walking in front of him? Yes. She's trying to get closer to Trump.

That's him, yep. That's what I think. She's like, look, she's many steps ahead. That guy is a billionaire. Where are you going? But it's like that's part of the thing. You don't want, guys like that are very rarely single and not interested in women. Sure.

Right? It's like part of the whole thing is they're conquerors. Conquerors, yeah. They want to conquer business. They want to take over this. They want the biggest yacht. And they want hot broads. And they want everybody to see them.

Look at that one. That's mine. That's mine. Look at them tits. Look at them tits. I suck on them. And it has a shelf life this is not forever right it's always about like this was a a fun run yeah you hit 40

yeah 40. jesus christ 33 33. there he is trump's best friend billionaire casino mogul phil ruffin shares a hidden jackpot sees a hidden jackpot in the pandemic. Ah, look at him. Oh, yeah. Smiley. I like to shoot loads. So we should take, you want a meme? Take that picture. Let me see that picture again. Yep, there he is.

And just right under it, I like to shoot loads. I think that's going to happen now. I think you're going to get your wish. That's what he likes. Look at me. I got a fucking casino. I got my own jets. I got jets. Look at me. I got a fucking casino. I got my own jets. I got jets.

Not one jet. I got the big jet. I got the little jet. Have you ever stayed at the Trump Hotel in Vegas? I have not. I'm tempted to. Just to see what's up? Just to see what's up.

Yeah. I'm going to go in there with a MAGA hat on, see what the fuck is going on. It's because I never know who's staying there. Yeah. Who's staying there, you know? No. It's because i i never know who's staying there yeah who's staying there you know no it's uh i don't know i mean she's probably got because a lot of it is licensing too look at that look at that there you go she's happy alexandra she's covered oh represented ukraine in the 2004 do you feel like everyone stopped just talking about this war now uh it's still actively going

still actively going on yeah ukraine makes some on Yeah Ukraine makes some hot Fucking bros They sure do I'll tell you that Yeah When I was a young man I dated a gal That was from the Ukraine And she was fucking wild

Yeah Wild A little scary Yeah A little scary Was she a little scary? A little scary Yeah a little scary

Like she would get angry Out of nowhere And I was like Hey hey hey Where is this coming from? What? I'm sorry Yeah I'm sorry

I just Sometimes I don't see you And I think maybe You fuck other girls And I want to kill you like hey hey hey where's this coming from yeah what i'm sorry yeah sorry i just sometimes i don't see you and i think maybe you fuck other girls and i want to kill you like oh okay okay she's probably a good time there's a disproportionate amount of very pretty girls from russia for some strange reason yeah i mean I mean. Great genes. Czech Republic. Oh, yeah. Hungary. Yeah. Slovenia.

That whole Eastern Bloc. Do you know Eric Anders from the UFC? I don't. He's a top flight middleweight dude who's a really fun guy who was here the other day. But he's talking about going over there to that part of the world. And no one was smiling, he opened up doors for people and they're looking at him like, what the fuck are you doing?

Like there was, no one was happy, he said I didn't see anybody smiling. And he was like, what is the courting routines like over here, like how do you meet somebody? How do you show your personality, your charm, is there any of that, like what you meet somebody? How do you show your personality, your charm? Is there any of that? Like, what do they do? I remember when I met Christina's mother-in-law, who's Hungarian. She was, like, smiling.

You look like a clown. I was like, oh. I am a clown. Clown smile. I'm like, okay. Oh, boy. Yeah. Very, like.

Hard. Hard, yeah. Yeah, well. yeah well you'll see too i mean like putin for years if it's a you know a pose something for the press you don't go like right like that because they're like why are you being all goofy that's the russian mentality something are you are you a goofy fucking guy? You're a powerful guy Right So you You have a stoic

You're a no bullshit guy Yeah No bullshit I mean every pose is very You know Can you imagine trying to do stand up in Russia? Oof Yeah I know

Fuck Yeah Think all the jokes you've told About presidents Oh my god Politicians Think also if you said something that Just bothered the state Fuck. Yeah. Think all the jokes you've told about presidents and politicians. Also, if you said something that just bothered the state, we want to talk to you for a second.

Isn't it ironic that Edward Snowden exposes the United States, exposes this deep underlying surveillance system that is essentially monitoring everybody and violating all of our constitutional rights? Mm- kicked out of the country and he goes to russia yeah and russia takes him in celebrates him he's happy over there yeah fine in russia yeah you know and well that's but that's of course deliberate on their part to be like we took your clearly yeah but still wild yeah because he went from one you know which you know the they treated him, the way they treat him, the way they treat Julian Assange, you could absolutely make the argument that this is an authoritarian state. And he leaves here to a far worse one. Yeah.

And there he's protected. How about Brittany Griner? Crazy. Isn't that insane? We just talked about that yesterday, too. That poor woman? Poor woman. She's there for another six months before before trying could you know those all those court rulings at all charade you know yeah

it's just done to yeah they want exchange for this arms dealer they have this arms dealer who's like famous for just like what do you need You need looks I get you looks There's no problem Have you ever seen Operation Odessa That was on Documentary on Netflix I feel like I did start that Dude really it's amazing

It's amazing and then in it There's this one guy they're drug smugglers This one guy wants to get a submarine And uh He's talking to the guy selling them the submarine And then in it, there's this one guy. They're drug smugglers. This one guy wants to get a submarine. And he's talking to the guy selling them the submarine. And the guy says, do you need nukes? He offers them nuclear missiles to go with the submarine. Do you want chips with that?

Do you want guacamole? Yeah, sure. Do you want a nuclear weapon? It's a great documentary because it almost seems like like it's fake but everything in it is documented these are real people that i'm reading that uh the headline that says you know selling um the sub to a coke dealer and you know that's a big thing now with the cartels cokes and yeah subs yeah they bring in tons of coke and subs. You ever see the Coast Guard pull those guys over? No. They jump on top of the fucking submarine, and they're banging on the hatch.

Really? Yeah. Scary shit. It's wild. I mean, imagine what you're thinking. Look at this. These guys, they get to the sub. They jump off.

They find this sub there. What in the fuck? They jump off, and they fucking land on jump off and they fucking land on it and they start banging on the sub on the submarine Like look how crazy these guys are that is crazy No animals nothing but machine guns down there to look at them banging on it. Meanwhile, these guys are hopped up on steroids and America Yeah, they got red white and blue flowing through their fucking veins Oh They got red, white, and blue flowing through their fucking veins. Woo! Let's go! Look at that. He's opening up.

Gun's blazing. Get out. Yeah. At that point, you should really open up the hatch and get the fuck out of there. You got a lot of problems up top. Yeah. You got a lot of problems. Good. Not good.

Because they might just start shooting holes in that thing. Yeah. They shoot holes in that thing. You're going under, son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to be so fucking terrifying. Imagine being underwater in a fucking tube. Like submarines. Knowing what you're doing, too.

Knowing that you're trafficking coke. Oh, yeah. But how about just any time being underwater in a sub? Well, yeah. Of course. There's no windows. No. And they're also, have you ever taken a tour of a sub?

They're so much smaller than you think. Really? Yeah. Well, that one was pretty fucking small. Right. But I'm saying even, I've been on a tour of one where even when you go, hey, we're going from this area to that area, the door frame used to go sideways. You know, they're small.

Look at this. That's not a big thing. Like that submarine is pretty fucking small. That is a small one. Do you think those guys pinch a little of that coke? Let's give them a little taste for the boys. We're going to have a we caught the coke dealer party. These are just giant bundles of coke i know

and every time they pull it up the fucking sub goes higher and you know the cartel guys are like good then now they're distracted by they think this is a big win right now send the big sub exactly exactly the big subs underneath them right now yeah it's got 500 million dollars unreal our appetite for coke is off the charts. Cartel got into avocado business. You know about that? What?

Because the avocado started to, the price of it started to go up and the cartels just took over some avocado farms. They're like,

we're doing this now too. Really? Mexican drug cartels are getting into the avocado and lime business. Yeah. As soon as that price went up,

they're like, this is a pretty good business to be in too. Well, we fucked up. We fucked up by not seeing this coming because the same thing happened during prohibition with alcohol and that led to the rise

of the Italian mafia taking over organized crime in America. I mean, that was Al Capone and all those people. They came up during prohibition. Whenever you have something that's of high demand but it's illegal, the people that Capone and all those people. They came up during Prohibition. Whenever you have something that's of high demand but it's illegal, the people that sell it are criminals. Yeah.

And so they make a lot of money. And they don't have to pay taxes on it because it's not real. And they're criminals. Yeah. And especially if they're in Mexico, they ain't paying shit. Mexico, the cartels are so sad. Remember when they got El Chapo's son? Mm-hmm. They got his son.

Yep. Yep. The police did. Yep. Yep. The police did. The police did. And the cartel came with tanks and anti-aircraft weapons and rocket launchers. Yeah. And the government was like, take him back. Yep.

Because they were coming at him like, this is war now. Yeah. They were terrified. Yeah. The cartel has way more money than the government. And way more weapons down there. And they'll do things the government won't, like kill your whole family. Yeah.

In front of you. Stab notes into them. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking wild. It's wild. And it's right there, dude. You could drive from San Diego.

You could walk over. It's so close. You could swim over. You could just swim around that little barrier. Yeah. I mean, the barrier between the United States and Mexico at the water is hilarious. Have you ever seen it? It's a goofy little fence about the size of your book that sticks out into the water,

and all you have to do is go around it. And then you're in. And you're in. Yeah. All you have to do is have scuba gear, get in the water, swim around over to here, start walking. It's crazy. It's the nuttiest shit ever.

See if you can find the fence at the beach. Oh, that's it. That's it? That's it. That's crazy. It's the nuttiest shit ever. See if you can find the fence at the beach. Look at that. Oh, that's it. That's it? That's it. That's real. But who's- That's real.

Look at the wall. And no one's posted up there? Look at how fucking goofy that is. So that is, the other side there is, that's Mexico. That's where they have bullfights. That's a bullfight area. They have a bullfight thing right there. Is that Tijuana?

Wow. This is hilarious. It's hilarious, dude. That's like a park. You could literally go like, I'm now in Mexico. Eddie Bravo was talking. He and I were hanging out the other day, and he was telling me about, we have a good friend, Ed Clay, that I've known for a long time.

Ed Clay runs a stem cell clinic in Tijuana. And he's like, the area of Tijuana that has these, you would think you're in L.A. He goes, it's really nice. He's like, there's nice parts of Tijuana and there's terrible parts of Tijuana. Yeah, sure. And you go down there and they can juice you up with ungodly amounts of stem cells. They can do all kinds of wild shit down there that they're not allowed to do in America. They can take stem cells and multiply them.

And then they're giving you IV stem cells. but so many people that I've known that have gone down there I've had incredible including Eric Anders who's here the other day that I was telling you about yeah he went down there for stuff with his neck and he's like his neck was fucked he goes now my neck is great it was moves good but he got real high dosage yeah and they're going into the discs they're just he said it felt like this was like like his neck extended one dead 13 rescued in large-scale attempt to swim around the u.s. Mexico border fence huh? Try to do it. Oh, you got fat people that were drunk

70 migrants from the water trying to swim to border field State Park in San Diego listen I can do that I Will guarantee you I could swim around that I'm not the best swimmer. Listen, I can do that. I will guarantee you I could swim around that. I'm not the best swimmer. Yeah. I could fucking swim around that. Yeah, I think I could swim around that. If people are dying swimming around that, they should have prepared. They probably don't swim.

Yeah. They probably don't swim at all. They probably don't swim at all. It was nighttime when they did it, obviously. There's also nothing, nothing. Like, even if you've, like, I swam my whole life, you know? I mean, not like an active swimmer but i mean always you know i was a little kid on the swim team and you know always in pools swimming

there's nothing that quite prepares you for what ocean swimming is like unless you've been accustomed to it it's a different animal it is so much scarier yeah and if there's a real like waves like a real tide coming in like it is the the most panic i've ever felt i think is twice in the ocean really yes once i didn't realize i was in maui and i rented a car and we drove to a beach i forget where and when i when i got there it was you know there's no one on this beach. Oh, this looks fucking rad. And the shore was like at a decline. Oh.

You know, like into the water. So heavy undertow. Yeah. And I go, I'm just going to go in. And it started to pull me back, you know. And I was like, I just felt that panic where you go like don't panic too hard you're trying to keep yourself calm yeah and I was able to I wasn't far out too far out where I was able to get my footing swim and then like power through it and get out and I was like holy shit that was

terrifying and when I get back to the hotel is when I talked to one of the staff and I was like yeah you know I got in the water there and you know, I got in the water there. And they're like, you got in the water there? I go, yeah. They go, oh, yeah, you'll drown there. No one's supposed to swim there. I go, yeah, there's nobody there. They're like, yeah, because you'll drown.

You'll die there. How about a sign? Yeah, nothing. Nothing about that. And once was in Florida where I got caught in a riptide or a current that was just pulling me back. And I remember, you know, there were other people in other parts of the water, but I kept going back. And I remember seeing a lifeguard. He was up in the thing and he came down and he started to walk towards me and I was going back further.

And I remember being like, you got to be shitting me. And I kept swimming swimming and i and then i just go like okay don't resist here so i let it take me a little bit i think i just kind of got out of it and again i got footing and i was just powering as hard as i could to get out and he gave me he goes like thumbs up and i go i i waited a second and i gave him a thumbs up and then i got out and I was almost hyperventilating. I was like, he goes, yeah, you got caught. He goes, it kind of freaked me out.

I go, I was a second from waving you in. Fitzsimmons saved a woman's life on vacation. Really? Yep, he was on vacation and he noticed this woman was caught in the tide and she was swimming and he noticed that no one was noticing it and he's like, oh my God, and he had a split second decision that he had to make because Greg's not the biggest guy in the tide and she was swimming and and he noticed that no one was noticing it and he's like oh my god and he had a split-second decision that he had to make because greg's not the biggest guy

in the world and people do drown when you're trying to rescue them totally drown rescuing people and so he's there with his family and he's like i can't just watch this and he jumps in the water he saves his girl's life in the the ocean. Yeah, in the ocean. I saw my dad save someone's life on vacation when I was like eight years old. Fuck. Yeah, we went on a, he just took me like father-son trip. We went to a hotel, it was like Orlando,

and it had a water slide. But I still remember, even before this happened, that the water that pushed you off the slide was high powered. So when you got to the bottom of it, it buried you. And as a little kid, I was like, holy shit, that's so strong. And I think I did it maybe twice, and I was kind of scared to do it again because it kept pushing.

It pushed you too hard into the water. And I was standing around the pool, and then I saw my dad dive in. He saw that there was a woman just at the bottom of the pool. Stuck. Just laying. I think she was. Oh, she went out. She went out.

Did you see that girl went out swimming the other day in a swim meet? No. In the middle of a swim meet, she blacks out, and a swim coach dives in to rescue her. Holy shit. Yeah, there's a video of it. Dude, I saw my dad pull this girl out of the water. Oh, Jesus. Was she unconscious? unconscious yes did he know CPR no somebody else jumped in for that and then but you know he pulled her out and then she would like contact for years

like send cards oh yeah that's cool yeah this was at a swim meet though yeah yeah look at her holy shit yeah that's the coach obviously so she's in i mean crazy she's in the middle of swimming and she just so much effort she blacks out oh yeah i see usa stuff which is crazy because she's an elite athlete she's elite yeah but you know like nobody more comfortable in a pool right look at that she's an elite athlete. She's elite, yeah. But you know. Like nobody more comfortable in a pool. Right, look at that, she's out cold, that's so crazy. But the thing is, is like, when you are at that level, you are pushing yourself so fucking hard. Yeah.

You know, I mean, you are giving everything you have. And these swimmers are such savages. Savages. Yeah. Savages. Thank God the fucking swim, whatever it is, the governing body is no longer allowing trans women to compete against biological women.

Is that ruled on now? Yes. The governing body of swimming? Whatever the body is, find out what the ruling is, but you have to have transitioned before you were 12. So you have no hormones that are- Oh, I got you. You didn't go through puberty, which is fair.

It's basically a Leah Thomas ruling, right? Yes. Essentially. Or anybody like her. Right. But I mean, it's because that became such a huge topic. Yeah. Yeah.

And should be. It's fucking crazy. Yeah. She was 462 as a male and number one as a woman. First it was a rugby union, now it's a swimming. June 19th, the Federation Internationale FINA Swimming's global governing body ruled that transgender women, i.e. biological males who consider themselves women,

would not be allowed to compete in women's elite races if they've gone through male puberty. Great. Two days later, International Rugby League said it would not allow transgender women to play in the international rugby game because there's a woman that plays in Australia that's a trans woman that's 240 pounds and built like the Hulk and just running people over.

Fucking people over. You know, what's funny is that people, their reaction to criticizing that, it's almost like they think because you're critical of that that you're not empathetic in any way or compassionate in any way. Because you're critical of that, that you're not empathetic in any way or compassionate in any way. And I think it's almost like you need to, like they need to hear you state that, of course, you're. Yes, it's real. That's real. That's real? Yeah, that's him.

Her. That, they, them, whatever. It's insane. It's a huge person. I think it's just, it's like you're not rational. That's not rational at all. If's insane. It's a huge person. I think it's just like you're not rational. That's not rational at all. But the fact that you can be labeled as transphobic because you say that a 21-year-old who transitions from man to woman shouldn't be allowed to compete in something physical because it just seems so obvious. I mean, I get the criticism where they go, what do you want this woman to do? She's a woman now. And so it wants to compete. And I understand like that point of view, but it is totally logical

to say all these physical biological advantages that you have as a man should not just be transplanted into the female competition. Of course. Have you ever seen the conversation that I had with Adam Conover? Do you know who he is? He's a, I guess he's kind of a comic. I've never seen him do standup, but I guess he does standup. I remember this. Adam ruins everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that he came on and he was just like, of course, right? Like, yes, they should. It is watching someone who has like almost a religious belief, like a wild, crazy religious belief get confronted by scientific facts and objective reality. And still doesn't.

And he's just stammering and falling apart and trying to hold on to his woke ideology. I mean, it's wild. Yeah. It's just because he's a nice guy. It's just because he's like a very sensitive, very progressive guy, but also captivated by woke ideology. But I don't see how somebody,

I mean, how do you look at that? And not think women are getting fucked. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How do you see that and go like, well, that's just, you don't see the huge, the crazy advantage that they, I mean, look, he was 462, which is, he's an elite male swimmer.

Yeah, number 462 in the country. You're elite though. You're beating the fuck out of 99.999. Yeah. Definitely better than us. Fuck yeah. And then you just transition and you go like, that makes sense. Or in rugby.

Right. Doesn't make any sense. You're just going to absolutely decapitate somebody. Or in MMA. None of those things make sense. No. sense or in rugby right doesn't make any sense absolutely decapitate somebody or an mma none of those things make sense no it's so it's so silly that this is a an argument yes well it shows you how crazy this ideology is yeah i mean whatever you want to call it whether you want to call it woke ideology progressive ideology that there's an insanity to it because it doesn't have anything to do with objective reality and there's a lot of feminist women like um my friend megan murphy who fucking pushed back against it

hard because she's saying these are not women and you're treating them like women and they're dominating women's spaces and they're doing it like men yeah like it's she's like you want to call yourself a this or that or you want to identify as that or this that's great that's great yeah that's you are 100 within your rights to do that there's a giant difference between doing that and then claiming that you can compete as a woman it's fucking insane madness yeah it's madness again you know if you got into sprinting you know high jump any of those things where there's a huge male advantage the bike rider do you know know about the competition bike rider that dominates? There's like a-

Like a cyclist? Yeah, a cyclist, male cyclist, a biological male cyclist competes as a woman, crushes everybody. Really? Yeah, it's the same thing. It's like, if you had a- Here's the deal. Here's the deal.

If you took a woman and you told that woman that she had to compete against a woman who's been doing steroids her whole life, but just stopped doing steroids. You'd be like, well, that's not fair. Of course not. Right. Well, that's the same thing as being a man. You're going through a life of puberty and a life of testosterone that's far elevated in comparison to a biological woman. And then you look at the thresholds of what's allowed. This is where Derek from More Plates, More Dates comes into play. Have you ever seen that YouTube channel, More Plates, More Dates? It's really good, but he's great at covering hormones and things along those lines and

performance enhancing drugs. But he's essentially broken down what the threshold is for allowable testosterone for a trans woman. And it's far beyond what a normal biological woman has. Yeah. So even competing as a trans woman, like saying you're a woman, I identify as a woman, you have way more testosterone or you potentially could have way more testosterone. And it'd be allowed.

And it's allowed. Yeah. So that ruling makes sense is that you haven't gone through puberty yet. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And then, you know, there's the other thing is like, if you, there's a story in Texas And then there's the other thing is like there's a story in Texas where Texas, if you are a biological female, you must compete against biological females.

Well, there was a trans boy who was taking male hormones and wrestling against girls. So she was born a woman, biological girl, transition, becomes a boy. She now identifies as a boy, taking? Biological girl. Transition. Becomes a boy. She now identifies as a boy. Taking testosterone. Right. For the transition. For the transition. But that has huge.

And ragdolling women. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're wrestling against women that don't have testosterone. Yeah. It's, we're going to look back on this time if there is history. Yeah. If there is a moment. I think our history is going to be sorting through rubble going, what were they doing?

I think that's what it's going to be. That's what I think. I have a feeling. We've got a few years left. I don't know. We might have 100. Who knows? But whenever it goes down, it's going to go down hard.

And I think it could go down in multiple fronts. It could go down because of our own folly. It could go down because of war. It could go down because of natural disasters. Yeah. It could go down because- could go down there's a lot of threats right now a lot of threats yeah natural disasters i think are probably the most likely scenario in terms of like asteroid impacts and super volcanoes and shit climate falling apart i'm not that concerned about that really not i'm not that it's not going to fuck everything up because i think it is But I'm not concerned about that being the end of the human race. I think the climate is just going to force people to move to different areas.

And if the sea level does rise, it's going to fuck up the people that bought houses in Malibu. But I think in Miami and all that shit. But I think a real scary stuff is impacts. Because that's just- They just showed an impact on the moon, right? Yes. A rocket. A rocket.

Somebody's rocket. That no one's claimed? No one's claimed. That's strange. Go to that article. Yeah, a rocket- A fucking rocket, dude. Yeah, someone shot a rocket to the moon.

How is there no- Didn't tell anybody. How can you not trace that in some way? They spotted a rocket impact site on the moon. Well, go to- There's other articles that are not the NASA site. Go to whose rocket landed on the moon. Because there's. They found two new craters.

Mystery rocket impacts moon. Go to that one. I don't understand though, right? Yeah. They don't know what the fuck happened. They're like, hey, who did that? Whose rocket was it? Also, when did the rocket hit?

And it left an interesting double crater. So it says, late in 2021, astronomers spotted what turned out to be a spent rocket body hurtling towards Earth's moon. And now NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, which has been photographing the moon since 2009, has seen the rocket's crash site. But the origin of the rocket is still a mystery. Isn't that wild? Yeah. In 2021, someone could shoot a rocket to the moon and no one even knows.

No one knows? And the crater is a mystery, too. Why is it double? Because it turns out the strange double crater, the size, the site of the crash itself might help to identify which rocket it was that crashed. Huh. Look at the size of the crash itself might help to identify which rocket, what, which rocket it was that crashed. Huh? Look at the size of it too. The crater.

If you, if you scroll down though, that it gives you those measurements right there. It says there's two craters, an 18 meter diameter, about 19.5 yards. Some superimposed on a Western crater, 16 meter diameter,

about 17 and a half yards. I mean, imagine that a rocket like that hitting the earth that's just a rocket i mean obviously a meteor would be like way way way worse that's not that big that's not that big 17 yards is not that big i mean i'm thinking of just like 20 yards on a field yeah but if something has the amount of energy to slam into a planet that leave one planet and slam into another one kind of of amazing that it only has a 20-yard crater. Yeah, I guess so.

So there's the images. So they're trying to unmask the owners of the body. First they thought it was a SpaceX vehicle. Ah, Elon did it. But eventually they decided, oh, it must be part of a Chinese. That makes the most sense. Chinese government denied ownership. We didn't do anything.

Okay, this is salt. Did they ban TikTok today? China did? The FCC is urging Apple and Google to pull TikTok today. Really? Yes. Yeah, find that. Unless they send a letter by July 8th.

Unless TikTok sends a letter saying, we promise we're going to stop stealing your data. No more thumbprints. No more facial scans. We promise.'re going to stop stealing your data. No more thumbprints. No more facial scans. We promise. Whoa. Yeah, listen, Trump was talking about this a long time ago. He's saying we should ban TikTok. I remember.

And so TikTok said we're going to have an American TikTok and a Chinese TikTok, and we won't fuck with it. But it turns out the American TikTok gets all of its data from the Chinese TikTok. So TikTok sends the data to China first, and then China goes, ah, we'll be right back after we get your credit card information. Yeah, sure. And then they send it over.

Wow. Yeah, it's like, he was right with the Huawei thing. When they banned Huawei, a lot of people were like, hey, why are they banning Huawei? And then, you know, when I talked to Mike Baker,

the guy from the CIA, he's like, listen, that is a fucking corrupt company that 100% is doing the most invasive searches on people's phones and scooping up data at unprecedented levels. Wow. They back engineered the TikTok app and they said it's the biggest violator of privacy they've ever found. FCC commissioner calls on Apple and Google to remove TikTok from their app stores. This is wild shit, dude.

This is wild. Yeah. TikTok from their app stores. This is wild shit, dude. This is wild. Yeah. A member of the Federal Communications Commission is renewing calls for Apple and Google to remove TikTok from their app store, citing national security concerns surrounding TikTok's Chinese-based parent company, ByteDance.

I like ByteDance. What a great name. Yeah, it is great. June 24, CEO of Apple and Google, FCC Commissioner Brendan Carr described ByteDance as beholden to the Chinese government and required by law to comply with Chinese government surveillance demands. For sure. 100%. not worth resisting some of these things, like how much, how big surveillance is from tech that you realize, you know, you can do what you think you can

to avoid giving out your information, but you know that your information is out there, right? Yes. Somebody has collected it. There's a difference between Google collecting it, which is not ideal, and the Chinese government collecting it. Oh, 100% agree.

Yeah. The national security concern aspect of it is, first of all, if your kid is on TikTok, then maybe it has some sort of an ability to track phones that are in the area. Maybe it's scooping data off of phones that are close by. Maybe it's scooping data off of Wi-Fi. Maybe it's recognizing financial transactions that you're also making on the same phone. Maybe it's recognizing very important geo locations of important people. Who the fuck knows what it can do and what they can't do? But see if you can Google engineer, back engineers TikTok and finds privacy issues.

China slides under the radar to so many civilian people, and then you talk to anybody in intelligence, and they're like, that is our greatest adversary by far. Yeah, by far. They're scary. They have a massive economy. They have a full connection to all businesses. So the government is in complete control of all businesses.

There is no business that operates without the control of the Chinese government. The governments don't go... In America, Apple can go, Biden's an idiot, and this country's fucked, and we're doing a terrible job, and we need to shut the fuck up. They don't do that shit there. You'll disappear. Yeah. They took that Jack Ma guy that's the head of Alibaba, which is their version of- Super wealthy, multi-billionaire.

He vanished for four months. When he came back, he's like, everything is great. Great. I love the government. Remember the tennis player? Oh, yeah. She was like, oh, I was assaulted by a high-ranking person in the People's Republic, whatever, the party of the Chinese government, and then disappeared.

Yep. And she's like, I didn't mean it. Yeah. Thumbs up. Yeah. Yeah. It's harder to just straight-up disappear people now because they've killed a few billionaires or put them in, you know, who knows what they're doing.

They probably just have them in a jail somewhere and they just fuck them every day. Yeah. Today I fuck you again people because of that system are it's different the loyalty to the state oh yeah of chinese even citizens it's different you know well they get scared sure well you remember when um what's his face john cena oh was apologizing i'm so sorry china i respect china so so much did it much in Mandarin yeah yeah yeah speaks in Mandarin which is wild oh yeah but he was apologizing a mistake I was very tired I made a big mistake well I respect China so much business they

thought they think about that box office that's a serious box office over there but meanwhile Top Gun said fuck you and they had a Chinese flag on Tom Cruise's back and they pulled it from him, but still killing it. Same thing with Spider-Man. They're realizing now, you know, like it's not worth it. And also people are aware that you're a cuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does it say?

This guy made two years ago on a Reddit post, and they were disputed sort of, but not in a really good way that I could find just now. Okay, so let me see the headline. It says, guy who reverse engineered TikTok reveals the scary things he learned, advises people to stay away from it. Facebook got itself into sensitive data scandal. My youngest was today. She has a friend over at her house, and they were laughing and giggling. I go, what are you guys doing?

We're making the craziest TikTok. Kids are fucking addicted to TikTok. Addicted, yeah, yeah. But the TikTok in America and the TikTok in China for kids is very different. Do you know about that? No. In China, you can't use it after 10 p.m. Kids, they're not allowed on it after 10 p.m.

It shuts down? It shuts down. And TikTok highlights scientific achievements, athletic endeavors, all sorts of different things that did show powerful, accomplishment-driven activities. Yeah. In America, it's like crazy gender stuff and dance moves. It's somebody pulling their tooth out in the kitchen with pliers and they're like, ugh. Exactly. It's like they're trying to turn people into dullards.

Yeah. And as many as they can into, into idiots. Yeah. And they're going to get a lot of us. They're going to get a lot of people for sure. That's the way they're going to win the way China and Russia, the way they're going to subvert Americans is through making us idiots.

Yeah. I think it's working. We're fucking dumb as shit here. People don't care about education or anything. I mean, it's such a minority that really is driven for that. But there's obviously a hunger for it, right? Because the hunger for podcasts, I mean, obviously a lot of podcasts are just nonsense conversations, but some of the podcasts that I've had talking to scientists have, you know, fucking 30,

40 million views. Yeah. Like, why is that? Well, it's because have, you know, fucking 30, 40 million views. Yeah. Like, why is that? Well, it's because there are people out there that are fascinated with interesting things. Yeah. But that is not being shown to them in most media. Yeah. It's hard to get.

Yeah. And, like, deep conversations with people that have— That are brilliant people. Yeah. Yeah. There's enough people out—I mean, we're still human beings. Yeah. Human beings are still curious creatures.

We're still fascinated by different things and fascinated by complicated ideas. But it is so unique to be able to see a conversation with a scientist or a professor that's really accomplished, really brilliant mind. Yeah. like really accomplished, really brilliant mind. Yeah. There's really, I mean, outside of podcasts, where are you going to see that person speak uninterrupted about something that you're curious about? It never existed before.

It never existed before. And what's really fascinating is that, you know, for me is that I'm the one who's doing it. That's what's bizarre. Yeah. Because I'm an idiot and I'm a cage fighting commentator, which is a very strange combination of things to be doing. Yeah.

But you have that curiosity, too. But I think there's a lot of people that have that. This is what I'm saying. It's like there's a lot of people that aren't intellectuals, but they aren't represented like their ideas and curiosity is not represented by mainstream offerings. Yeah. So when podcasts come along, like if you wanted to bring podcast mainstream like 20 years ago, you I have I got this idea they'd be like what are you talking about yeah who the fuck wants to listen to idiots talk shit and smoke cigars for three hours yeah yeah nobody nobody and then all of a sudden it comes out you realize

this is exactly what people want there's a lot of that yeah but there's also one of the things that podcasting did was it provided an avenue of entertainment for people that are also doing other things Mm-hmm like if you're doing like boring labor all day get those messages all the time Yeah, it's a people like dude you fucking saved my life. I'd drive to Ontario. Yeah. Yeah, yeah So many times you know UPS FedEx USPS drivers yeah, I stopped all the time people work in there like I'm in a warehouse PS drivers.

Yeah. I stopped all the time. People work in there. Like I'm in a warehouse. Yes. Just, you know, driving this like fucking forklift around or whatever. And they're like, I just got to listen to something. Yeah. And hearing a conversation can, you know, at times you want that more than sometimes

you want music, but sometimes you want to hear a conversation. I love conversations. Yeah. I'm a giant consumer of podcasts as well as a listener. But I don't, I is my my consumption is very varied too like i'll listen to like yours i'll listen to a comedy podcast and then i'll listen to like bow hunting podcasts then i'll listen to mma podcasts and this is the one i just listened to that was interesting let's see if i still have it i haven't listened to radio lab in a long time

but that used to be one of my go-to ones that was one of the first times that I ever realized that some some people involved in this gender stuff are completely insane because there's this one person that they were calling themselves gender fluid yeah and they would go back and forth from being a male to a female throughout the day like they would just decide oh I'm Tom now, now I'm back to being Sally. And they were treating it like it's totally normal. Like, oh, I get it, Sally.

No, actually, I'm Tom now. Oh, okay, Tom. Okay. You know, like, wait a minute. You don't get to be two different people. This is, you're literally bipolar. Like you have personality disorder. You have something's wrong with you.

Yeah. This gender thing though, but if you say you're two different, I'm Mike, now I'm Steve, people are like, oh, you're crazy. Yeah. But if you say I'm Sally and now I'm Tom, they go, oh, you, yeah, it's totally normal. It's fluid. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And the person, like, clearly had issues. Like, you listen and they're, like, overly emotional about shit that didn't make sense and they weren't speaking rationally. Like this is a person who's struggling with the fabric of reality itself. Yeah. And then we dismiss it all because it's a gender thing.

Like, oh, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. Whereas, I don't know, it feels like not long ago even everybody would be like, the fuck are you talking about? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I wonder how we bounce back from that because a lot of kids are growing up with this in their head and this is not a slight on transgender people

because i think they're legitimately are and i've met them there's a lot of people that legitimately are in the wrong body and i couldn't imagine what that's like but that's not what i'm saying what i'm saying is it also opens the door to people that are completely insane. Yeah, that's part of, it's like when you overcorrect, you know? You overcompensate for something and it leaves the ability, you have the option now, because there's legitimacy to it, to bring in the other people. So you're gonna have people that are legitimately like this, and people who are just playing in that same group, and they're actually not what they're saying they are. But when do we bounce back?

Like how do we bounce back to a state of normalcy, where we accept people that are transgender people, but we also leave the door open to people that have like legitimate mental illness that use Whether it's being transgender or gender fluid or anything else as an excuse to like get extra attention and to to make it all about them and you know to like a Form of narcissism a form of psychotic behavior

Yeah, because a lot of them like to decide they're women and they just start attacking other women Getting very aggressive about other women Yeah, and they're clearly like deranged people. Yeah, I mean, I think we the only thing we could do is call that out like yeah, that's the only thing thing that can Make this feel grounded and real is that you have to acknowledge when you when something is standing out as this bullshit You know, this is a crazy person or a hot war a hot war a nice hot war a real hot war would drop all that bullshit nobody give a fuck about gender ideology of rocket start launching holy shit yeah like a gender war no no no no i

don't mean a gender war that wouldn't that war would end quick yeah it sure would yeah no i mean a hot war like a war with Russia. Oh, yeah. Where you have real problems. Well, yeah, because it does feel like some of these issues that are highly debated in, like, progressive circles today, you go, yeah, you know, you know where they don't really bring this up, you know, is, like, Eastern Africa. Like when there's a war zone or a famine or rockets are blowing up schools and hospitals, that shit quiets down real quick. Real quick. Yeah. Well, first world problems.

It's interesting though. It's like we're sorting out all sorts of different things. And then in the meantime, while this is happening, male sperm counts are dropping at record levels. Balls are shrinking. Dicks are shrinking. It's amazing how many people are scared to say things. Oh, yeah.

So many people are so scared. They should be scared. They get fired. Yeah, they get fired. But even, you know, like we know people in, I mean, some of them in comedy, but definitely in entertainment who are just, fuck, you see how terrified they are. They're just terrified to say any, they're scared to they're scared to have like a, just speak a rational thought because they're just like, you know, my, the fans are going to go against me. I'll never get hired again. They, they just, they, they operate in a different world than podcasters and comedians do.

Yeah. We're the last frontline of free speech in that regard. Yeah. In that we can't get fired. Yeah. You know? I mean, you see, you know, employees in these companies just try to bully their way through things. And then people speak in hushed tones quietly. You know, they get together and like someone will say something about gender. Schools too, by the way. I have teacher friends, you know, that are like, and they're like, oh my God, you should see what the shit we have to deal with at school.

And they just kind of nod and, you know, there's other, they have colleagues, other teachers who will openly weep in a teacher meeting about one of these issues. And they're like, Jesus Christ. So they just have to keep their mouth shut. If they say anything, they'll just be labeled. Right. You know, as fascist. And maybe cast out yeah yeah yeah have you seen the documentary what is a woman no i haven't either but i keep

seeing clips and they're fucking wild it's matt walsh from the daily wire yeah and he made this film what is a woman and it has a 97% score on Rotten Tomatoes. Wow. And only has four critical reviews. Critics. I mean, not I mean critical. I mean critics. Yeah.

Critics reviewing it. Oh, like no one will. Everything is, 97% is all by just regular viewers. Right. The people that are like professional journalists that are supposed to be reviewing these things watch only four and one of them was Matt Taibbi so Matt Taibbi wasn't I mean he disagreed with some of it he wasn't necessarily critical of it but it was critical of some aspects of it but he

just watched it and reviewed it for what it is and was just attacked for even engaging with what this film is. But this guy, Matt Walsh, the way he did it was very clever. He didn't get in arguments with people. He just asked them questions. He just got the most rabid of these gender ideologues, and he asked them all kinds of questions like, what is a woman?

How do you define a woman? How do you know a woman how do you know and then they let them talk they're crazy yeah and then put it all together in a documentary wow and that was really like his only thing is what is a woman that's what he's trying to say how can someone become a woman but along the way they're revealed there's like wild shit going on now where kids identify as cats what and they want to meow in class stop yeah no it's real in some places that are more open-minded and people go oh that's not everywhere well this is what we were saying about all this gender stuff four or five years ago right and now

it's everywhere they want to meow they want to meow they they identify as animals but i mean what age are we talking about? 14. 14? I thought you were going to say like three. No. Because that's what my three-year-old does. But that's just for fun. Of course.

But you don't allow that to happen in class. Billy, stop meowing and answer the question. Who was the first president of the United States? Meow. Meow. I can't tell a lie. Meow. No, you have to say it's fucking George Washington.

And the teacher has to respect this choice. Yeah. Or they get fired. I mean, they're barely getting by anyway. Nobody has less power to quit their job and to tell people what they really think than teachers. Oh, my teacher friends say the same thing. It's a terrible place to be. They're like, I just like what I do,

but it's an insane world. And it's not what they signed up for. No, it's not. When they were in high school and they were in college, they're like, I think I'll be an educator. And then they get to this place, they're like, oh my God, I'm in a cult. Yeah. And then any, you know, any even like just a hint of,

I would even call it pushback like even questioning some of this they are then faced with you're endangering these kids you're scaring them you might cause a kid to kill them like yeah they'll say wild shit to them so that's the wild one that people always like to say they like to say you're putting people in danger yeah by criticizing sure like oh oh really yeah that's what they'll say too about like criticize you endorse the traditional beauty standard for a model you're putting kids in danger right now because they're gonna try to attain that Jesus Christ okay that is such a wild assertion it is

because that censors so much thought and debate about complex and complicated issues where people disagree And all you have to do is like conflate that with you doing a terrible thing that could like literally get someone killed Yeah, and you can get away with it. Yeah Wild wild wild fucking times man Wild times because these are supposed to be the people that you rely on man wild times because these are supposed to be the people that you rely on that are professional educators that are also professional thinkers right they're supposed to be the people that have they are spending time thinking things through more than anybody sure and then they're expressing those

thoughts supposedly in a very well sorted out way like they have the objective reality they have the the stranglehold on it. And that's why they're teachers. Yeah. That's not really true. No. They're kind of fucked and captured. Yeah.

I think it's really, in this country, a pretty thankless job, too. Yes. People are like, why aren't you doing better? It's almost like that's a good way to keep people stupid. Pay teachers the least amount possible. It's crazy. Yeah. And the only people keep people stupid pay teachers the least amount possible crazy Yeah, and the only people that get really good teachers are people that put their kids in private schools Mm-hmm

And so you get the elite where their kids get smarter and everybody else is like yeah Kind of like stuck to try to figure it out on their own true The only saving grace is that if someone does decide to seek it you can get a pretty fucking substantial education online You can now you can yeah, I mean you can I it, you can get a pretty fucking substantial education online. You can. Now you can. Yeah. I mean, you can.

I mean, now you can. You can really educate yourself on anything now. Yeah. Which is really fascinating. For sure. Yeah. You could definitely get a broad education on, like. I wonder if I would have been a better student if I were a student now, you know? I wouldn't have been.

I would have been sending dick pics and being on TikTok all day. Maybe, yeah. I'd probably, I don't know why I'm fantasizing. If I had a phone at 15, you know how many dick pics of mine would be out there? Woo! Also, it just would have been, it would have been shut down so many times with pornography infections. Oh, yeah.

God. And I would have been filming everything, street fights, car accidents. What can I film? Yeah. Yeah. Kids. And the things they watch. Yeah.

It was hard to watch porn when I was a kid. Yeah, it was a real challenge. I would just jerk off at Spice Channel, scrambled. I saw a tit. And I just, you know. Spice Channel. Because it would just come in for a second. And you're like, there it was.

Yeah, people don't remember that there was B sex movies. They were like soft core porn movies. Like Emmanuel Goes to Paris. You remember those? Cinemax. Yes. They would call it Skinemax. Skinemax, yeah.

Yeah, and you would watch these terrible movies where a girl would eventually take her clothes off. And they would have simulated sex where you could tell while the guy was humping her that his dick was like a foot away from her vagina it was like way back there it didn't make sense the way they would line up her legs were like where his chest is but spice would have real sex you know that was that was pay-per-view so i remember we would i'd go to sleepovers across the street uh when i was like in i don't know fifth grade and we'd sit there and try

to see and then one time the dad had bought spice so when we put it on it was actually on yeah and it was just like masturbation factory in sleeping bags everyone's doing it quietly like you feel like shaking on the floor but no one wanted to look at each other you know we're all like oh oh, my God. We're 10 and 11 years old. Beating off the Spice Channel. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Or you'd get tapes passed down or you'd find a tape stash. Oh, yeah. Magazines. Yeah. It was a whole thing. Yeah. It is too accessible. That is true.

For sure. And especially for the developing mind, the fact that you're just presented with that because it was a discovery Right we were kids well you had to seek it out originally Yeah, like think about it in the early days you had to go to a fucking theater Yeah, right before yes You know the only way you could see people fuck was go to a theater and you had a like look us head look ahead Yeah, everyone looks straight ahead, and then there's weirdos with raincoats on jacking off in a raincoat how are you gonna be in that theater and not want to jack off if

you're watching that i mean well it's probably so crazy too because there was no porn back then and now so you look at a porn it's 12 feet tall that's got to be nuts whoa do you remember american werewolf in london yeah yeah one of the scenes in american werewolf in London, the final scene, he turns into a werewolf in the middle of a porn theater. Oh. So he's in the middle of a porn theater where he visits his dead friend. Because his friend kept coming back from the dead to tell him, hey, man, you got to kill yourself. You're a werewolf. You're killing people.

Oh. Yeah. You don't remember that? I don't remember that, no. Google that scene. It's a great scene. Because these people are, because this is what, go a little bit before that, though. So this is the girly movie theater.

Uh-huh. And so he's inside this theater with his buddy. This is it, because this is after it already had turned into a werewolf. Like, she's the lady that works there, and she's screaming at these cops that there's a monster in there, and they're telling her she's crazy. And so this guy goes in screaming at these cops that there's a monster in there and they're telling her She's crazy. And so this guy goes in there. So you hear the porn's playing? Mm-hmm Nice he sees all the bodies on the ground. Oh shit bodies on the ground oh shit sounds like they're making love in the background though I think it's a porno film plan but it's sweet What's that?

They stopped it right there? That's before the wolf jumps out and rips the dude's head off. I think I've read that the See You Next Wednesday, which I suppose the title of this fake movie, has been used in a few other movies. Like maybe Tarantino's used it. Oh. On the background and stuff.

Yeah, it's come up a few times. Interesting. Like a little nod to the film. Yeah. Yeah. Great fucking movie. I've got to watch that. Best werewolf movie ever.

I haven't seen it in a long time. Like my new werewolf? That's my new werewolf out there. Yeah. The one outside? The better one. That is a nice one. Yeah.

And where's the other one? In the other room. In the other room? Okay. I still have it. Pat McGee. uh responded to the criticism of rick baker because rick baker was the original uh makeup artist who created the werewolf yeah super famous yeah makeup artist yeah and he was on my podcast and he's fucking amazing i mean i'm giant fan of that guy and uh he you know i wanted to be a special effects artist when i was a kid yeah i wanted to do like i know you like to sketch and everything right i wanted to do monster makeup

that's what i wanted to do it's one of the things i wanted to do at one point in time and uh so when i had him on it was like a huge treat but one of the things he said was that our werewolf was too big it was too long the proportions were off and that it was just uh like the way the the body was and so Pat McGee was like, oh, fuck. And so he went back and he made a whole new mold and created. And then this time all the hair on it is actual animal hair. Whereas the other one was like, it seems like carpet and then like hair around his face. Isn't that cool, though?

Like artistically that he heard the critique. Yeah. And then he just went for the varsity version of it. Not that the first one wasn't, but just that you can always get better. Yes. He made it awesome. It's like Richard Pryor telling you your jokes are whack. Yeah.

Can you imagine? Like, yeah, the joke was good, but it's too long. He needs to edit. And you're like, oh, shit. I better edit my jokes. So that's what happened. That's what Like, yeah, the joke was good, but it's too long. He needs to edit, and you're like, oh, shit. I better edit my jokes. So that's what happened. That's what happened, yeah. So Rick Baker's like, that's not the right shape. It's too long.

He was like, I got to make this right. I got to make it right. And he contacted me. He's like, look, I'm making a new one. Do you want a new one? I'm like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Let's go.

That's cool. I want to take a look at it then. It's way better. Yeah. It's one piece, and the muscles are all right. It's cool. I want to take a look at it then. It's way better. Yeah. It's one piece and the muscles are all right. It's different. It's like it's more menacing because it's like it's ready to pounce. Yeah.

That's badass. Yeah. They haven't made a good werewolf movie in a long time. You know what I noticed is that, I mean, I'm sure this observation has been made, but when you watch scary movies with monsters now and aliens there really is like not a lot of variation because i was just watching the latest uh stranger things yeah and you're like oh that just feels like that that monster comes out of the shadows and you're like oh i see some like uh um pirates and i see some predator you know like mashed together but I see some like pirates and I see some predator, you know, like mashed together.

But I guess it's almost like there's no, a monster alien needs to have some human qualities because when it has human qualities, you're like, it's almost us. Right. But it's a scary, terrifying version. And they just, I don't know, like it's fucking bad. It's scary as shit in that thing but you go there is like no way almost to create an alien that looks so different from what we've already seen right they all kind of feel like they're made from the same sketch yeah i guess the remember the blob uh no that was their answer for it and like the 1950s was the blob it was basically like

jello killing people oh right that's definitely not as good no it's not as good and this one is scary as fuck i'm not even saying it's not scary it just doesn't you just go like this just feels like a variation of what we've seen you know i finally watched uh a quiet place oh yeah i never saw that before that's the one with krasinski right yeah yeah i saw that i saw the first one i haven't seen the i haven't seen the second one either but i saw the first one great concept too oh my god it's great yeah and i love the fact they don't even tell you the origin story yeah it's just like obviously something terrible happened these people are fucked and they could barely talk yeah the thing though when they had the actual monsters like the monsters are pretty fucking creative pretty interesting

and that lady's hot as the sun who's that emily blunt she's hot that's his uh that's his wife in real life yeah well there you go yeah good. Good for him. He did well. Yeah. It's a fucked up movie. Really interesting movie. There's a lot. There's a few moments I'm like, come on. You're being a little inconsistent here. Yeah.

Yeah. But it's good. It's fun. Yeah. There's two of those moments in the second one you're like, all right. Don't tell me that, Jay. Shut the fuck up. It's a good movie.

I just saw it. You've already ruined it. I'm looking for two moments now. I get one. I'm like, where's the other one? In my opinion, there's two then it's just uh the concept is cool just the the aliens themselves are fucking interesting they're just so fucking wild looking yeah there's the um you remember the one what was the uh the the spanish one that had, you know, Guillermo. Yes, Pan's Labyrinth.

Pan's Labyrinth. Yeah. That was fucking amazing. Pan's Labyrinth was amazing. I love that movie. Guillermo del Toro makes some cool shit. He does. You know, he wrote an interesting book,

The Strain, that they turned into like a series on FX. I read the book, and I remember reading the book, and like halfway into the book It's almost like you just wanted to finish it And then though really the second half of the book is just like a bunch of action shit And then he killed him then this guy died and then he grabbed him by the neck and cut his neck like he just stopped It's just like the beginning had so much suspense. You know the story behind it. No, it's a great story The story is that this guy is? Yeah, that's the great story the story is that this guy is uh yeah that's the the television show

the guy was uh there was a plane and this plane lands and uh no one's getting off the plane and no one's responding and they don't know what the fuck is happening yeah and they get on the plane and they look around everyone's dead the whole the whole like everyone's dead they don't know what the fuck happened and it turned out that there was a vampire on the plane and this vampire infected these people and then some of them spoiler alert you know they they become vampires and run around killing people but the way they become vampires is very different than any other vampire they've ever seen before like their tongue comes out of their mouth and like grabs a hold of people and yeah it's it was a great first half of a book there's so many films like that particularly in the thriller genre because the whole thing about a thriller is the reveal right like it's there's mystery there's suspense yeah, and that's when you'll get disappointed by that's why there's there's basically

One or two good ones. I wouldn't even say every year maybe every couple years. We're like that's fucking phenomenal It's because they they do the setup right and they build the suspense and then sometimes on the reveal you go. That's it That's the answer right like it's that they were hiding in the other room like you know because you right you have to reveal it in a way that makes you go like oh my god and that's the hardest part of that it's the hardest part of writing it and it's definitely the hardest part of like showing it cinematically is making it engaging and interesting yeah it's just hard for them to nail this the like a monster movie yeah yeah monster movies are probably the hardest to nail because it has to not be ridiculous you're right and it can't really even be too much cgi because

cgi kind of looks corny no you need the reveal to be like yeah it's got to be it's got to be built up the right way yeah you're you don't know what's what like Like, I was just thinking about The Fugitive. Remember The Fugitive? And how, like, that was a hit movie. But the great thing about it is you have suspicions, but you're not entirely sure. And then the reveal, like, you know, piece by piece comes together. So you have to get that feeling that you go like, oh, you know, that I solved. And it has to be plausible and believable.

Yeah. Because you can also, that's the other way that you get fucked on a thriller as a book or a film is if the resolution and the reveal is so far-fetched. You go, well, you just found an answer, but it's just, you just kind of made up things right that don't happen so right right right the details of that it's a fucking skill man yeah writing it like that's why stephen king is the greatest yeah right because his books in particular when the ones when he was doing coke the old days yeah the old good ones sure there's those books are just like he takes you on this journey yeah of the mind that's so bizarre i feel like he was the one that recently i don't know if it was him so i might be

leaving it wrong that's that said that they write where they know the the end because some writers write differently than that where he knows the end and then writes towards it yeah writes towards it and goes like i just need to get myself in some right you have to find your conflict yeah how do i get out but i know I want it to end with this oh That's one way to write it and then you know the other way to write is you just write as you go as you're going Yeah, yeah, that's probably fun because you don't even know what the fuck what's gonna happen You have to decide how to do it Yeah, what a fucking time-consuming endeavor though, and no one knows it better than you know, because you did it

I did it and I write fiction. No even crazy. i did i did stories and and you know i wrote about uh you know a chapter on my dad on my mom i wrote a chapter about how i thought i was going to be a doctor when i was a kid it's called paging doctor stupid because i didn't realize how fucking dumb i was uh i mean you know you start writing i mean they're fun chapters to write i wrote about a chapter about finding a body, you know, when I was just out of college at home. And I went with my sister on a drive to go see friends. And she noticed something in a field, you know, and she made me turn around. I didn't want to turn around. I just didn't want to turn. I was like, no, it's one-way streets. But she pleaded with me, so I did it. And then we pulled over and found a motorcycle. That's what she had seen. It was a motorcycle with the headlights still on. And then we looked around, and then there was somebody laying there.

And we called 911, and I go up to the body. I'm so scared to find a body or to approach a body that I'm like this is a dead person and I start going sir which is true because I didn't you know you think you're gonna be like hey you know right you okay but I was like sir and I went up and I just touched his shoulder with my index finger and I did it twice and then he started to grunt. So I just kept saying, don't move, you know, because I just heard that before, don't move. And he sat up. He pushed himself up and sat.

And when he sat up, the top of his head just flapped open. I was like, oh, my God. And then, I mean, a helicopter came and landed in that field, you know, police, ambulance, everything. It was fucking wild. So the skull? It was in that field, you know, police, ambulance, everything. It was fucking wild. So the skull? It was like skin flap, you know, and just like wide open. So you just saw the skull.

You didn't see the brains. Yeah. But I mean, I'm sure there was some sticking out of there. I was just like, what the fuck? Just blood everywhere. And they met about, you know, the helicopter took him out. Did he live? Yeah, he lived.

Really? He lived, yeah. And that's not a body. That's a person. Well, it was a body when i first saw it yeah there's just all i mean i write about od you know yeah i tell yeah just how did you od what were you on ghb i took a bunch of that the date rape drug but i gave it to myself so i'm not a bad person and uh yeah and i drank a lot which is like the deadly comp that's what they would even like the dealers that would sell it to you which is rare they'd be like don't drink on this you know because the combination was lethal i think i had 14 fucking screwdrivers that night

oh my god nghb yeah and a super high dosage oh my god my God. Yeah. And I ended up- In a hospital? In a coma. Yeah. For how long? The coma was eight, 10 hours. But they had a vigil at the hospital, people praying and all this shit. Yeah. And then you have to go through people being like, oh, you're a junkie. Oh, boy.

You know? Because you overdosed. Yeah. And you're like, no. How old? I was a freshman in college. So I was 18, 19. Yeah. It was're like, no. I was a freshman in college, so I was 18, 19. Yeah, it was bad.

Jesus Christ. It was bad. Some people thought you had a problem after that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, some people only knew you as that. You know what I mean? Right, the guy who overdosed. You're like, oh, you're that fucking drug addict, you know?

Jesus Christ. Oh, man. Yeah, that was rough. Was it a thing when you wrote this? Did you have an outline of stories you definitely wanted to get in there? Or did you just sit down and say, I've got a book to write? Let me think of some, a few things that I was like, I definitely, let me see that. Um, I definitely was like, I, you know, I know what I, I know I want to write some of these stories.

I knew I wanted to write one about my dad. Um, I had these consistent things throughout the book where between those longer stories and essays, I drop in chapters about famous people I've flown with who are mostly black. Did you do the Tyson story where you told them you love them? Bruce Bruce, Chris Tucker, Serena Williams jill scott who i was with you when i ran into jill scott again do you remember that yeah we had just done i think it was maybe the new orleans gig and i had just finished writing the chapter about jill scott and and i was like um and then i see jill scott in the green room afterwards with everybody and i'm like because i the the the chapter about her i i start saying that um my proof that um that i that i definitely met her is that i say jill scott hates salmon and i i went up to her and i go hey i just wrote the chapter about when we flew together and

she was like okay i go we flew together from la to n, like, I don't know, eight, 10 years ago. And she was like, okay. I go, do you want to know how I'm not lying? She goes, how? I go, you hate salmon. She goes, I don't fuck with anything pink. So, I mean, you know. That's hilarious.

There's just chapters like about that. And then I just, yeah, I mean, I have a whole road stories chapter working for America's Most Wanted I have a chapter on that it's just like you know for America's Most Wanted yeah what did you do I was a researcher I would research like criminals and and stories for us to profile and then I would pitch them to the story editor what year was this dude you know my first day was september 10th 2001 whoa so it went from you know mostly crazy fugitives and then we pivoted hard to terrorism and people like what do you mean i'm like the show what we did after that was we just show like bin laden every week we're like we gotta get this motherfucker you know like that was the show i would go to the white house and we would be on the you would go to the white house yeah i would

be at the west wing how old were you back then um i was just out of college so 21 22 it was right before i moved here wow it was my so when i graduated before you moved to la you mean sorry to la yeah i moved i graduated college my friends's in Boston doing real estate. He's like, come up here and get this money. And I was like, okay. Cause it's the easiest fucking way to make money is you go work for a real estate place in Boston specifically, because Boston has 61 colleges and universities, meaning there's always a need for housing on top of being a major city. And the easiest thing to do is you just show an apartment. And when somebody rents that apartment, they have to pay first, last, and equivalent of one month

to the real estate office that showed it. And then you split that with the real estate office. So if you're fucking right out of college and you're even just hustling, you don't even have to be skilled, just hustling, showing up every day, you're making thousands of dollars a week. But I even knew then

that I didn't want to do it. Like I was making great money for a kid just out of college. And I was like, I don't, I just knew I didn't want to do that. You didn't just want to make money. I didn't want to just want to make money. I didn't want to do it, make money doing that specifically. And I had interned at America's Most Wanted in college for a summer. Really? Yeah. And I was actually like a producer on a spinoff show called Final Justice. So I was like making, producing episodes of that. So when I called them, they go, we want to offer you a job as a researcher on the big

show on AMW, they called it. And so I went down there, dude, September 10th and September 11th, obviously. I mean, the the shows in DC. So I'm in college park living in a house in Maryland, driving into DC on September 11th, you know, and it was just fucking chaos. You just,

I mean the Pentagon's there. It's like, and we just, I was there 20 hours that day. It was fucking so nuts. And then I just realized after three months of doing that, I was like, I don't want to do this either.

So I packed up a truck and just drove out to L.A. Wow. Yeah. And when you packed up the truck driving off to L.A., what were you thinking? I really thought, I was like, okay, I kind of want to be a comedic actor, but maybe I thought maybe I would be more in, like,

the directing, like, behind the camera kind of person too. Did you have any theatrical experience? I had only done, I had done like a couple, I did an improv troupe thing in like high school, not even in college. I made funny videos because I was a comm major, so everyone would make like serious videos, and I would always hand in like comedic ones. And I had done a play one

time also when I was like, I don't know, like 13 or something like that. So that was it. But I was like, you know, I've, I felt like I'll, I'll do the groundlings. And I had read that that's where like SNL picks up people. I was like, Oh, that's what I'll do. I'll just do that. So I interned at Copelson entertainment, which is making big movies. And I was learning that, like script reading and doctoring scripts and then going to the Groundlings. But you know who was in my first, my Groundlings class was Sam Tripoli. Really? Yeah. I was 22 and he was probably like, he was probably seven, eight years older than me.

And it was like two or three classes in. He's like, you need to stand up, bro. Got to get out there and gig, fight, fucking fight crime. Fight crime? That's such a Tripoli thing to say. Yeah. And I was like two or three classes in. He's like, you need to do stand-up, bro. Got to get out there and gig. Fight. Fucking fight crime. I was like, okay. Fight crime. It's such a Tripoli thing to say. Yeah, and I was like, what? And he goes, you'd like it, bro.

You'd like it. And then he took me around. I watched him do stand-up. So Tripoli talked you into doing stand-up? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

Yeah. That's amazing. Wow. I love that dude. He's great. It was fun to see him last week. Yeah, it was great to see him at your party. Yeah. That's amazing. Wow. I love that dude. He's great. It was fun to see him last week. Yeah, it was great to see him at your party. Yeah.

He's a fun dude. Got twins, Ninja and Ghost. I'm like, what? His kids' names are Ninja and Ghost. I think they're nicknames. But yeah, it's very Sam. He's a character. So where was your first place you went on stage?

It's no longer there. It was called the Good Bar. It was right on Sunset sunset it was right before you know that on sunset when you're heading west there's a sign that says you're entering beverly hills but before that yeah there's a building there and like a bank and there was a bar called the good bar that was the first time i did stand up and was it an open mic night it was a booked booked, like, bringer, you know, slash, like, you're not experienced comic show, you know? How did you get up? How did it work? The, um, Nick Wegener, who was a writer, um, who's a writer now, a comedy writer, does very well. He was also in that, uh, class.

He, he had heard me talking about wanting to do it. So he took me around around introduced me to a woman named Kathy Kanicki and she when he introduced me he goes his his time he's a comic and she was like doing something and she goes oh you want to do the show like April 9th and I was like yeah and then then she didn't ask me anything so he was like okay you're booked for a show now and the craziest thing was I was so goddamn nervous for that show, that first show. And I get there probably a fucking an hour and a half early, you know, when you're just like, oh, my God. And I go, when am I up?

When am I up? And they have the order. And it's like one, two, three, four. He's like, you're seventh. And I was like, okay. So I have like all this time to keep freaking out. And I hear this, you know, the embassy, the host, doing her bits.

And then she's like, all right, let's bring up your first comic. Tom Segura, Segura, Segura. And I'm like, what? And they're like, they're calling you. And I walk up, and as I'm shaking her hand, I go, I thought I was seventh. And she looks down, and she goes, oh, yeah. And then she just walked off.

And I was like, but I think I was actually good. Because I didn't get. You didn't have a chance to get nervous? Yeah. It just freaked me out. Wow. You know how dumb I was? How?

I fucking invited people to that show. And I go, I didn't tell them. I go, I do stand-up. Do you want to see me do stand-up? Oh, my God. Instead of saying, this is my first time doing stand-up. Wow. And I have it on tape. I got to put it up sometime. You got it on

tape? What was your first joke? I don't remember because I haven't seen it in forever. I, you know, I know I talked about how my dick points to the left at some point. You know, it hasn't really progressed. That's hilarious. But I do remember, you know, I remember I like the fucking stupidity to be like, you guys should come watch me do stand-up. Not, you were what, 20? 22? Maybe I just turned 23. That's a good time because your brain's not fully formed.

No. You still can do risky things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When people start, like Robert Schimmel, who's one of the greats. Yeah. Started stand-up when he was 36. That's wild. Wild. Was he really?

Yeah. Yeah. That's insane to me. I hope I'm right about that, but I'm pretty sure I am. Um, that that's different. It is, you know, especially a lot of people are married and they have children, they have jobs and that's a crazy dream to want to do standup. Yeah. You know? Yeah. know yeah crazy dream yeah I think Kirk Fox told me he started in his 30s too he's super funny we do gigs all the time together he's very funny very funny super smart guy and yeah he just wasn't you know he was a tennis pro yeah it wasn't that probably didn't think of it

then he did acting and then I think he just I forget if he tried it by chance or if somebody was like you should try it. But he did it and then he got hooked. He got bit by it. But he was in his 30s, I think. That's tough. It's really tough for people to change gears once they're already a fully formed adult. And people that you grew up with, that went to college with, they have full-blown careers. And then you're going to become a beginner at something as ridiculous as comedy.

Yeah. Fucking crazy. We're so lucky we got in early. You know where else we're lucky we got in early? Podcasting. Yeah, dude. Jesus Christ. Imagine trying to do it now.

We pulled it up the other day. Four million podcasts now. Four million. There's four million different podcasts. Isn't that crazy of the number one of four million? It's crazy. That's really crazy. It doesn't make sense.

I don't understand it. Genuinely don't understand. Number one of four million. But I'm not stopping now, bitch. I understand what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Of course.

You got to keep going. Yeah. Like if you tried to jump in now and like take over the podcast game, there's too many options. Like I have a certain, like I was the podcast game, there's too many options. There is. Like I have a certain, like I was telling before, I have a certain amount of podcasts that I listen to. Yeah.

And I just go to my phone and go, oh, I'll try that one. And I listen to it. But it's hard for me to get a new one. Yeah. Like a new one to get into my lineup. There's too many good ones out there. Yeah. And I feel like that's the bottleneck today.

The only thing that could save you is like coming on a podcast like yours or mine or someone else's that already has an audience. And then, you know, then you can kind of get people to come over to you. And you really got to kind of catch magic, you know, like lightning to have it. You either have to be like such a unique talent or your angle has to be so unique yeah i think if you go like i do the sit around and talk thing like that's you know i just talk to people you're like i mean you could do it dude i mean i don't want to talk anyone out of it but are you either such a compelling interviewer or commentator that it's going to get an audience

i used to tell everybody they should have their own podcast and now I don't really now I'm like oh I mean I guess you can try yeah it's tough now I'm like the the fucking pool is so deep it's deep yeah it's really deep there's not four million comics fuck no fuck no no way not even close no but there's four million podcasts fucking wild I wonder if you broke those down how many would you would consider a let's just say a professional podcast Do you know I mean like I don't know because this one wasn't professional you were there from one of the earliest episodes Yeah, I was definitely I remember you were making fun of me like what the fuck are you doing? Did I I left there and I was like?

Why is he doing the red band I was like yeah what is this he's like even red band didn't know I was doing it especially when I wanted to do more than one a week so I thought who was listening to this I like the message boards I was like the message boards you're like a lot of people are listening man okay a lot of people was like a thousand people you know you know, you had the float tank. I was like, this guy's out of his mind. Just let him do his thing.

Got a float tank. He's talking in his office. And I was trying to talk everybody else into doing a podcast too. Yes, you did. You were a thousand percent instrumental in me starting one. And that was, I started it in 2010, at the end of 2010. And it was because every time I saw you, every time we'd work together on the flight you got to do a podcast you got to do a podcast i was like yeah all right all right i just kept okay i was thinking about it and then i finally was like

okay i'm gonna do it and then brian made it easy because he was like just come over i'll set you up just sit down yeah do it i felt like there was a magnet that was pulling me in a general direction. I felt like there was something going on with that. And I never thought it would ever be what it is. How can you? You can't. But I'll never say I saw that. But I did feel compelled to do it.

That, I think, is very clear looking back. It feels like you felt that and and and you know I remember how quickly you took it seriously like you took it like you took it like I'm working out I'm training and I don't fuck around when I train was the same what you like you had the same approach once you once like the wheel started to turn a little bit you were like dude i podcast like i do this all the time multiple times a week hours at a time it was like oh you had a different drive to do it that felt like something was drawing you towards it it was very weird it's very weird now knowing how it turned out you know and i would like to say that i saw it coming i definitely didn't't. But I for sure felt compelled.

I've just always been a person that for whatever reason, I go on instincts. Yeah. Like when I bailed out of LA, I'm like, uh-uh. I see this is going, this is not going the way I think it should go. I got to get out of here. Jumped out. I'm like, this is a fucked up city. You got to get out of here.

This is not serving us anymore. Yeah. But that's for a out of here. Jumped out. I'm like, this is a fucked up city. You gotta get out of here. This is not serving us anymore. Yeah. But that's for a lot of things. When I started doing standup, it was the same thing. I'm like, I was fucking terrible when I started out. But I was like, I gotta do this. This is my thing. I'm doing this.

That's a real, I think, common thing for standups. You feel like I have to keep doing this. Yeah. You feel drawn. You feel like there's something about it that if you just get a chuckle, just get a couple of laughs, then you feel like maybe I could build on that. Oh, my God. My second set that I ever did, I got laughs.

Yeah? Yeah. I remember it was way better than my first set. My first set, I was clunky and nervous and weird. But my second set, I was accustomed to the sound and the lights and the whole deal. And I had a little bit of an experience of doing the first one to ride on. second set i was accustomed to the sound and the lights and the whole deal and and i had like a little bit of an experience of doing the first one to ride on and then i i got laughs and i i remember doing my second set i was like i'm gonna be a comedian oh yeah i remember the opposite almost

i remember getting laughs like not killing but just getting laughs and laughs and like having done let's say four five six seven sets i'm like oh i got it i got a grip on this and having the first shit set right like where it just feels like someone punched you in the stomach like so it actually took me just a few sets to get there and it is the thing is that it it really kicks you down but the immediate thing you recognize you're like i have to do this again so I can wash that off. Yes. Because it was – also I was like, something must have been wrong with them.

I don't know why this didn't work tonight. I remember also the big transition was transitioning from open mics to doing a paid show. Oh, yeah. The difference in the expectations of the audience, the difference in the expectations of the audience the difference in the level of the comedians you are working with and i was realizing like oh i'm on like like bambi deer legs like yeah i'm you know i'm bambi walking on ice yeah yeah i remember i got 50 bucks uh you know the first time i got that was i think at an improv and um it was two years in and I just was like holy shit this is such other level yes different and you know I've unfortunately found that out by taking guys on the

road too guys that were like doing pretty good at bringer shows and pretty good at like small local shows then I'd take them and they I'd bring them in front of a theater in front of 3,000 people and they'd just like clam up. Yeah. And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, you have to have your bits. Do you plan your bits out? Do you listen to recordings? You got to record yourself. And I would tell a few of them and a few of them I had to just stop helping.

I was like, you're not doing enough. I know. I can't help you. I've run into the same thing over the years. It's very unfortunate because like they have a crazy opportunity. Yeah. If I'm putting you out there, there's some guys that fucking run with it,

like Hans Kim. That motherfucker runs with it. Allie McCoskey, she ran with it. A lot of people run with it. And some people, they just don't work. They're lazy and they're happy that you're taking them on the road with them, but then they're doing the same material every place.

There's that and there's also you go, you're just chopping it up with someone and you're like, when was the with them, but then they're doing the same material every place. There's that, and there's also you go, you're just chopping it up with someone, and you're like, when was the last time you did stand-up? And they're like, the last time we worked together. And you're like, what? That was months ago. Yeah. That's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, you can't do that. I had a friend of mine show up at one of my shows in Seattle, and he's like, dude, I know I could kill in front of your crowd. I go, when was the last time you did stand-up? He's like, it's been over a year I'm like shut the fuck up. There's 2,700 people out there. There's not a chance in hell I'm putting you on that stage

No, like this is already a full show as it is and you're gonna go up there and flounder around for five minutes But there's no way you're gonna kill. No, it's not gonna go like you gotta be Dedicated to this thing but so many people to get into stand-up They're depressed and they just like, there's moments in their life where they just lay around doing nothing. And they just, you know, and then they'll like sort of figure out a way to like break free and get to a

comedy club and they want it all to happen for them. Like, Hey man, this is like a marathon. Yeah. We do get a lot of mental illness. Oh yeah. Yeah.

A lot. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of people that like they're self-medicating and they think that somehow or another that stand-up is the answer but it's also like so many people have been mentally ill that have been great stand-ups you know that's true we were just talking about um richard jenny yeah i was just thinking about him, too. Yeah. Yeah. How funny he was, too. Oh, my God. He was so good.

He was so good. And he's also so good in context. Like, you would listen to his recordings today in 2022, and you'd say he's really good. But if you saw him in 1989 when he was a motherfucker, he was like one of the best comics alive yeah, but he wanted to be Jim Carrey He wanted to be that movie star. He wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld and yeah He had a TV show and one of those bullshit networks I think it was like the CW or something like that was called the platypus man platypus man. Yeah, that was his whole thing Yeah, yeah, he had a special called platypus man. That's right, and

Then he was in the mask with Jimim carrey he was in a few things yeah but it never happened no and he was fucking horribly depressed meanwhile everybody was envious of him yeah everyone thought he was like so i mean he was he was the fucking man but you know when i would go on the road i would always ask like because they always have like a local guy who had to take you around and bring you to the radio. You know, it was either the club manager that would bring you to the radio in the morning. I go, hey, who's the most miserable person you had to bring around? It was always Richard Jenney. Really?

Always. They would all say, oh, my God, Richard Jenney. He, like, hated being there, didn't want to do it. He hated the fact that he had to be on the road. He didn't want to be on the road. He to be a movie star sure but meanwhile he was the best comic alive hilarious i know i thought i mean i can't say the other name but i'll tell you later but i've asked about another comedian before and i asked people who worked and they go i go he's just great and they go i've never been around a more miserable person what and they're like

they're like yeah i hope you do well in this business, but you don't end up miserable like him. And I was like, God damn. Okay. Yeah. Well, you're not miserable. No. You're killing it out there.

Are you enjoying this? Yeah. Yeah. It's been, I mean. You got your moment in the sun right now, pal. It's been really fun. You're murdering. Yeah.

I've been, I feel super fortunate, you know, to be doing it. And I'm having a great time I mean the I did a I signed up for a little too hectic of a tour But I actually am really having fun. I have like the best fucking crew which makes everything it makes the biggest difference Oh, yeah, you know cuz I I travel with a tour crew like the bus and a tour manager driver tour crew like the bus and a tour manager driver tour director security guy like it's a crew that we go it's a good move to do it when you're doing a schedule that's as hard as yours yeah and they're great and it makes everything work and you know they become your second family yeah so we you know we have as many shows as we do it's fucking we're out there man beautiful yeah i'm super lucky i'm very blessed i'm proud of you, man. Thank you. Thank you very much. I really am.

It's very, very inspiring. Your hustle, your work ethic, and just your success. Just how fucking funny you are and all the shit you're doing and the fact you have time to write a book and all this too. Yeah. So it's out right now. It's called I Like to Play Alone, Please. Yeah.

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please and the tour. Is it tomsegurda.com yep tomsegurda.com yep slash tour and he's out there bitches

so many dates yeah and in Austin this weekend so find the scalpers you fucks fine thanks Joe

my pleasure brother alright bye everybody Thank you.