The Joe Rogan Experience - #1846 - Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: July 23, 2022

Andrew Schulz is a standup comedian, actor, and one of the hosts of the "Flagrant" and "Brilliant Idiots" podcasts. His new comedy special "Infamous" is available to purchase online until July 31. https://theandrewschulz.com/

The Joe Rogan Experience. Showing by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Hello Andrew Schultz. Hello Joe Rogan. How is the independent comedy production world treating you? It's good. It's a lot more work. Yeah, for sure.

But you cut free from the nipple. We did. Without even mentioning names, tell me what happened. How did it? I went through taping. It was excellent. Thank you. Thank you for coming.

My pleasure. And thank you for bringing Cameron. Yeah, brought Cameron Haynes, my wife came. Dripped in Gucci, dude. Yeah, he's hilarious. Dude, that guy is a legend. Because I've only seen him with his shirt off and like inspirational music in the background. Running up a mountain.

Bro, I thought he was going to be like Crocodile Dundee when I met him in person. And he was just like dripping in Gucci. He likes Gucci. He likes Gucci. And then I remember calling you and I was like, dude, this guy's so interesting to me. Like, what does he do? He just takes people on camping trips and stuff like that? Like, what's the thing?

And I think you were like, no, I think he, like, moderates, like, pool levels in Oregon or, like, moderates, like, water. Yeah, he works for the Department of Water and Power. And I was like, this is a fucking fashionable. For now. But he's a New York Times bestselling author, so he's quitting his job. Let's go, Cameron. Yeah, he made a lot of money off the book.

I told him I'm going hunting with him really yeah he didn't respond to what are you gonna hunt yeah yeah I just said we're going hunting he's like okay yeah that's how he's like okay like probably people say that to him every day yeah you know but uh but yeah what would you hunt oh fuck I don't know I'm'd probably... I don't know. Wild pigs is the best because they have to kill them. Yeah. You can eat them.

They're delicious. Yeah. And it's literally an imperative. Yeah. You have to, especially in Texas. You're helping. Yeah. They're everywhere.

There's so many of them. Yeah. Millions. I want to camp before I hunt. First, I want to do camping, and then I'll do... You've never gone camping? Never gone camping, no. Oh, you're such a city boy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like little Duval would say, city camping, no. Oh, you're such a city boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like little Duval would say, city boy, city boy. Duval's the best, bro. Yeah, it's the camping thing. I mean, you're in a fucking cloth house out there with monsters. Yeah.

And that's real. A woman got killed a couple of days ago in Montana by a grizzly bear. Pulled her out of her tent. Yeah. Mauled her. You're like TMZ for that kind of shit. Yeah. Well, I pay attention because I go to those places.

Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's on your radar. But like any time this happens, I feel like you're like, oh, dude, by the way, there was an alligator attack in Orlando. Yeah. I've seen those too. There's a lot of those.

Yeah. It's real. it's real. Like we live in this bizarre sheltered world and human beings have this interesting thought process. We only think about threats and danger and reality if it's right in front of us all the time. That's how we see the world. The stuff that's in front of us all the time, that's our reality. And so stuff like, that's why you ever see those. There's a great Instagram page called Tourons of Yellowstone. Okay.

Tourons is a tourist moron. Okay. And it's all people just getting launched into the air by buffalo. Guys, okay. Okay. It's just these fucking idiots who come from like Chicago and they're used to cities and they never really seen a buffalo and they're trying to get close for a selfie. And, you know, these things are in the rut. They're trying to fuck.

Game over. This is a 2,000 pound giant ass animal trying to fuck. And you're all there cock blocking. And they just launch these fucking people. It's horrifying. See, that's what makes me a little bit afraid of doing it. Yeah. Not necessarily afraid, but I didn't really understand the allure of it.

And then, okay, I do understand the allure of nature. We were talking about this before. I hit you about this before, but I think something happens where you get this reset. You see these successful people, they'll go to like Montana and they're not going to Montana, like let everybody know how nice their ranch is. I believe they're going to Montana because they're like, it's cool to look at mountains and it's kind of like humbling.

Like, yes, dude, when I was, when I was, I hit you up when I was on my honeymoon with my wife and I'm like looking at the fucking sunset off this beautiful island in Italy and I'm like, I the fucking sunset off this beautiful island in Italy and I'm like I felt incredibly humbled yeah and maybe you need that feeling like maybe your world gets so warped I wonder if you feel that way like do you need to be in nature and feel so fucking vulnerable because your regular day that's not something that you're experiencing yeah I think it's a reality check of what your relationship with the world really is. Cause we, we live in cities and we drive in cars and we go into buildings and you get confused and you think that is the world, but the world is filled with all kinds of variables. And one of the more fascinating variables is nature and wildlife

because they're so uncaring about you. Like one of the things that I always get when I'm in the mountains, it's like these mountains don't give a fuck about you. They don't give a shit how many Instagram followers you have or how well your special did or how well your podcast is doing. They don't give a fuck. These are just tooth and claw and fang animals trying to get by. So we know that, that that's nature, right? Right.

Does that give you any sort of like a compassion or empathy to the ultra woke that are trying to over care? It's like- I don't think that's what they're doing. Maybe deep down that's not what they're doing, right? Right. But intellectually they think that they're exercising it in that way. They think they're doing the right thing. They're not doing the right thing. Right. But they think that they're exercising it in that way. They think they're doing the right thing. They're not doing the right thing.

But they think they are. And I wonder if on some level you look at how gnarly nature is and you see what humans are kind of capable of doing. Right. You don't see that empathy in the animal world, I don't think. No, there's no empathy. The animal world has zero empathy. Except dolphins.

Dolphins have empathy towards people they'll save people from sharks and shit like that won't they also like feed other animals isn't there like a maybe they were working with i forget some video i saw they were like calling fish into this area so that the fishermen could extract them really yeah i saw some video of this i don't know where the fuck it was. Were they cooperating with the fishermen? I don't know if it was cooperating with the fishermen. I don't know. Maybe they were doing it for themselves

and the fishermen would kind of take advantage of it. That seems more likely. But yeah, I don't know. It's like an interesting thing that we're capable of. Like to consider others discomfort and like want to help. I think it gets bastardized. I think it gets abused.

Yes. But the fact that we can even get there. Yeah, it separates us from everything else. Right. Except for the dolphins. They look out for other species. That's what's interesting about them. Like they look out for humans.

They also rape humans. They do that. Right. But usually when they do that, it's like at a marine world type situation. But also do they know what that is? No, they don't know what that is. So they don't, they do that, it's like at a marine world type situation. But also, do they know what that is? No, they don't know what that is. So they don't, they're like, oh yeah, we're just fucking and this is how fucking works.

Yeah, that's, well, they do infanticide, right? Dolphins kill their babies. Like, this is the way it works. If a female dolphin gets pregnant, she cannot mate for, I believe it's, look this up. I think it's like six years. I think the female dolphin. That's the gestation period? Yes.

She has to take care. It's not the gestation period, but it's the period where the baby dolphin is vulnerable. Because dolphins are similar in a slight way to human beings in that it takes a long time for the animal to mature because their brains are so large and they're so intelligent you know it's not like a champ like a champ within like two years send them out there well they're they're strong right away i remember we had uh an episode of news radio where i don't think it ever this this part i don't think they did anything with it. I think it got edited out. Because a sitcom is like 22 minutes, but a lot of times they'll have like 40 minutes of footage,

and they're trying to just get the most laughs and make the story move along. So we had this thing where there was a baby chimp. And so this baby chimp was on set. It had a diaper. It was like this big. And this thing got on my back, went, just slapped me a couple of times and i was just like whoa it's like it's so small and so fucking strong and its body felt like it was made out of wood like just fucking dense yeah it was just so strong yeah like we have in our eye in our head, oh, it's 150 pounds.

I'm 150 pounds. We're kind of the same. You have no idea how strong those things are. It's so different than a human being. And we're so vulnerable in comparison to them. What was my point? We were talking about, I had a point. Breaking away from the tit of the industry yeah but that's not

we're talking oh oh that's what it was like so they're they're slightly vulnerable when they're young but they're not nearly as vulnerable as like a human you need more time to protect them yeah like a human baby they come out they can't even move like a deer comes out they can kind of walk a little bit. And like fawns, you ever see how fawns, like deer fawns have like white spots all over their body? Okay. It's so they blend in better because they just hide in the grass. Because they need to hide.

They need to hide because they can't run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't run yet. So oftentimes the mother will leave their baby behind and the baby just lays there. So if you find a baby deer, they just lay there. They don't try to run away from you And then they slowly get the ability to walk around like right now in Texas The babies have been born and they're starting to walk around now, and it's been a few months

So they're like on the highway sometimes like you'll see a fawn like the other day I was driving down this road And I had to stop the car and this guy was like waving his arms like I saw the deer But this guy was like waving his arms like I saw the deer but this guy was waving his arms like because there was this cute little baby and a little baby brother and they're like trying to make their way across the road but they're like this big little tiny ass deer okay have you ever seen um a situation where like another animal recognizes that there's like an infant from a different species and then doesn't murder it. No. No, they don't. They just eat it.

That never happens. No, they'll run up on it. Bears will. If you ever leave a baby in the woods, a bear will run up on it and eat it immediately. Now, what if the babies grow up together? It doesn't matter. But you've seen these videos of like in the zoo where like a fucking cocker spaniel and a lion grow up together and then for whatever reason they don't eat each other.

Oh, you mean in a domestic situation? Yes. Yeah, that's a little different. As long as the animal's very well fed, that's the thing. They still have the instinct to kill. It's like a thing like a tiger or a lion or something like that. They're always going to have that instinct to kill. And it's exciting to them.

Like if something tries to run away from them, they always have this instinct to lock onto it and chase after it. They're never going to get away from that. That's just a part of their DNA. You can't breed that out. But you could breed it out in, like, say, a dog. The difference between a dog and a wolf is just thousands of years of breeding.

It's the same animal, which is wild. My dog Marshall. Have you ever met Marshall? Sweetest fucking animal that's ever existed. All he wants to do is love everybody. Oh, no, I did meet him once at the old studio. Everybody's his friend. But he's an ancestor of a wolf.

Yeah. They've turned him into this thing through thousands of years of breeding. Is that what they're doing to us? Just like they're trying to do to men. Exactly. That's what they're trying to do to men. Where's Andrew Tate when you need him? Yes.

That's just toxic femininity shit, or masculinity. Toxic femininity is right. That was a Freudian slip. But toxic masculinity, what that means is like, oh, you mean the men who carved the world. Yes. Now you don't need them. Yeah. So now you want to get rid of them.

But you do need them. You just don't think you need them because you don't need them right now. And then Russia has them. Exactly. And then China is making them more masculine. Yeah. Yeah. So then what do we do?

How do we recognize this trait? Okay. We want to make life more palatable for everyone, right? Right. But sometimes you need some badass motherfuckers to do the things that a lot of people don't want to do. And the second life is safe, you go, well, why do we have bad people around? Exactly.

They might make some bad decisions. So how do we keep the quote unquote, like, bad guys around long enough so in case something needs to be done, they handle it. And I think like the American way of doing it is going, Hey, we're just going to like kind of create these little organizations to do the bad shit.

And the American people don't really need to know about it. Yeah. We'll go handle that stuff. You don't need to know, enjoy your life and live your life. Yeah. And we'll make sure everything is cozy and cool. And then you not voting for the guy that does the bad thing.

It's kind of like a nice system. It's a very good system for creating innovation, right? Because you leave people the opportunity- And emotional comfort. Yeah. And you leave people the opportunity to go and do other things. But it also is an opportunity for people to be unrealistic about the world. Like Israelis are very realistic about the world.

They have to be. They have to be. They have to be. Yeah. And they also have mandatory military service. Yes. And there's a lot of people that have said that if America had mandatory military service, you'd have a lot more patriotism, a lot more people who understand the role that the American military plays in the world.

And that, yeah, the American military has done some fucking terrible things. Skin in the game every single military organization that has ever existed in history that had the power to yes that's the thing like if you don't have power you can't say what you would or wouldn't do right with that power it's hard like if you really look at like the american power structure and the benevolence attached to it like that to me is like the most impressive thing about like a george washington stuff like you could have ran it back everybody loves you you could just continue to be the new king if you will right like putin has done literally and he's supported yeah right the people there for the most part love him at least that's the information we're getting but like i even talked to guys like lex and it's like yeah the people

there are people there to love him he's like favorable. Well, it's also they control the media exactly so they're getting the shit propaganda I was talking to someone who has a relative over there in Russia and they were saying that They thought that Ukraine was filled with Nazis Yeah and they were over there to liberate the Ukrainian people and that And so the propaganda is that Ukraine has been run by Nazis. Yo, liberation is a great excuse for invasion, bro. Oh, yeah.

It's a great excuse. It's benevolent. Yeah, I mean. You want to be the good guy. It's literally what they did to go into Iraq. Of course. In the first war. Yeah, or every time.

When they invaded Kuwait. Like, oh, we have to save those Kuwaitis. Like, why? Those poor Kuwaitis. People in America don't know who the fuck Kuwait is. Can't spell Kuwait. Like, oh, we have to save those Kuwaitis. Those poor Kuwaitis. People in America don't know what the fuck Kuwait is. Can't spell Kuwait. Yeah. But I wonder if, and I've joked around about this, but I wonder if life gets to a certain

point of inconvenience where you start being okay with dark tactics being taken to return you to convenience. Oh, for sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, once things get ugly, then you're more than happy to have the military go and do awful shit It's not the milk. It's like I got a lady in my building right who's like she's kind of like a Karen, right and Joe I love her Because she does the shit. I want her to do. She's the Antifa you're building. Yeah, but like somebody's left

Somebody's fucking loud. Somebody's having a crazy party. I know Danielle has got it. I don't got to call nobody. I might send a text like Danielle are you hearing this? Already on it. So it's like that's my CIA. Do you know what I'm saying? She's your Antifa. Or Antifa or whatever the

organization is. The second life, the gas prices are too high. All of a sudden weapons of mass destruction, or the second anything is about to be inconvenient, there's the group that goes and does it. And then I don't have to feel weird like I snitched on the person in the elevator. I just get to sit and smile. That's, I think, the American or the Western experience. We're removed from the things we would feel guilty about.

Even in America, we all say to everybody around the world, oh yeah, we hate that they did that thing with their weapons of mass destruction. It's disgusting what they did in Iraq. We like $3 gas. Right. That's nice for us. Well, I mean, even things that aren't as ugly, like, how about this Brittany Griner situation? Yes. Brittany Griner is imprisoned right now in Russia because she went over there to play basketball and she had cannabis oil, vape cartridges that she had on her. I don't know if she just didn't know they were illegal or she tried to sneak them in

and they're they've got her arrested. It's against the law and she might do 10 years in jail over there, which is fucking horrific. But let's also clarify. She's already been over there for months. But here's what's important. Hold on. People are freaking out about this, right? They're freaking out.

Russia needs to let her go. We have people in America right now locked up for marijuana. And they've been locked up for fucking years. For years and years and years. And there's not one. There's thousands of them. So what, they're not good at throwing a fucking ball into a net? Is that what it is?

They're not good at that one thing that we like to watch? So those fucking people don't get let out that's the other thing that we do right we completely compartmentalize our rage oh yeah and it's like britney griner is this perfect situation for us to like create um the like it's not just inconvenience but like the imperfection in the system like why is it if this was lebr, then it would have been happening. I've seen a lot of like think pieces about that kind of stuff. But at the same time, okay, side note, Brittany Griner has existed in Russia and understands the corruption that moves within Russia. She knows that if it isn't a wartime where she's essentially become a proxy between America and Russia, she can bring whatever the fuck she wants.

She probably had been. She has been. It's the same exact- Because she's been going over there. wants. She probably had she has Exactly she's been going over there playing ball for a long time and dealing with these, you know, what is it? What are they called oligarchs like these Russian oligarchs that they fund all the female basketball teams? It's like a fun pet project for them and do they really yeah that do you think they pay women more to play basketball in Russia? Than in America because it's profitable. I've literally don't know anything. Let's just take a test than in America because it's profitable? I literally don't know anything about it. Well, let's just take a test.

Okay. How well do women's sports generally do throughout the world? I wish I could do Hans Kim's new bit about this. What is it? I can't. I can't because I don't want to fuck it up for him. Well, you don't have to do the accent. No, no, no.

He doesn't have an accent. We're going to get Shane to do it. No, I can't do it because I don't want to ruin his bit. Okay, fair enough. I'll tell you after we get off the air. We'll remember. But it's fucking fantastic. Shout out to you, Hans.

It's so funny. Bro, it's so funny. The kid's an animal. He's funny. And when I met him, I was like, oh, it's so nice to meet you. I've seen your stuff on whatever. And on Instagram and YouTube, he's posting a lot of stuff. He's going on tour with you.

So nice to meet you. And he said two things to me that were the most Asian things ever. He goes, it is an honor. And I was like, whoa, dude. He said two things to me that were the most Asian things ever. He goes, it is an honor. And I was like, whoa, dude. I thought it was like a Texas Asian, like no accent. It is an honor. This is a distinguished moment or something like that.

And I was like, whoa, you were coming on thick with the fucking Asian stuff. But he's serious and he really- He's sincere. And he likes the comedy. It feels like he's addicted. Oh, he loves comedy. Yeah. He's a fucking soldier for comedy, man. Yeah. He's sincere. And he likes the comedy. It feels like he's addicted. Oh, he loves comedy. Yeah. He's a fucking soldier for comedy, man. Yeah, yeah.

He's all in, and he's a great guy, and he's really, really talented. He's really good, man. But to his bit, women's sports is not making that much money around the world. Right. And unfortunately, this is kind of fucked up, but the reality is if they're not in a physically objectified situation, like they are in some positions, like female tennis, for example, they got them walking around with these like tiny little skirts, ass cheeks fucking hanging out.

How about volleyball? You have to dress like a hoe. Bro, dude, that's what I understand. Like when people talk about like sexism and shit, like, you know, flight attendants have to wear heels onto the plane. Do they? That's a law. Well, it's a rule.

It's not a law. All right. So what is the difference? It's rules are laws for the law. Well, it's a rule. It's not a law. Alright, so what is the difference? Rules are laws for the business. The other one is the government. Yeah, but if you want to work for them, you could turn Is that true? You have to wear heels? I asked the lady at Delta. You have to wear heels onto the plane. Once you're on the plane, you can turn into a flat when you leave the heel. What?

All a heel does, I mean, you know this, it accentuates the muscles in your legs and it raises your ass to put you in almost a doggy style type position. Make it look nice. There we go. Make that butt look nice. That is so sexy. Isn't that way more sexy?

Does the man have to wear heels? Nope. Wow. Now, a few of them flight attendants probably would enjoy that. Yeah. The male ones. Did you see the people that we sent to? What was it? Where they sent them?

They sent that four-star admiral who's a transgender man, and then the other person who's trans too. We sent them to, was it France? The bald one. Yeah, the bald one. The trans woman. She's a lot to look at. I mean, I don't know what she does.

There's a lot going on there. There's a lot going on there. Yeah. Yeah. They sent them to, I want to say France, but they were the United States- Ambassadors. Yeah. But that works in France. They like that stuff.

Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. Even in France, they're probably like, this is too much. Is it ever too much? This I don't like. I really don't know what the rules are in France. They're trying too hard.

This is- How do they smoke cigarettes like this? This is, there's something about this that I don't know. Why can't they be normal? Like have sex with little girls and we give them asylum here. Oh, you mean like Rowan Polanski? Yeah. Is he from France? Polanski?

What's wild is like people were making movies with that guy just up until like a couple of years ago. Dude, they do it with Woody Allen. That's my favorite thing about the Woody Allen thing is like when they ask the actresses and they're like do you think he did it they had they did what he's with her but like they have to say no because if they say yes they're doing it with the guy who's that raping a girl well he's not anymore she's a grown woman. Early on. But when do you think he started the relationship with her? That's where it gets squirrely. The problem is the wife is squirrely too. Like Mia

Farrow, she's squirrely. Yeah, she's a loony bin. She's a loon. So her version of reality, it's very hard to parse what's true and what's not true. Dude, there's no version of reality where like, even if it's your wife's adopted daughter or whatever, it's weird. Like, it's plain and simple weird. true. There's no version of reality where like, even if it's your wife's adopted daughter or whatever, it's weird,

bro. Like it's plain and simple weird. She has stories of like them being together before, like when he was, when she was really young. Oh, I don't, I don't know if I buy that. And then there's also his daughter,

Dylan, that has, oh, the allegations. She has allegations too. But I think they looked into that and they did like some crazy investigation and they found it wasn't. How,

but how can you? Yeah. Those are one of those things. It's like how do you know unless you were there? Yeah. You know, so you can't comment on it, right? He believes in true love. Oh, boy. I mean, that's the only.

He was a pervy dude. You ever listen to his old standup? No. Super pervy. Yeah. I've got some of his old standup. He's just talking about girls. I love girls. I love the way they walk in the heels and like he like it was like really like pervy

kind of like mitch fatale yes but mitch is playing the character mitch is a character and mitch is being really funny with it with with woody it was like this is back this is how i really feel yeah this is back in the day where, I don't know, man. I think people were just more primitive in the 60s. Yeah. They fucking were, man. I mean, you saw the songs, right? Aren't there all those songs by the Rolling Stones?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Singing about 15-year-olds and shit. Christine, 16, Kiss. Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of them. Yeah. So maybe the age has changed. I mean, obviously it's changed, right?

Like a woman is 13 and like ancient. Well, that's because people didn't fucking survive. It was hard to survive back then. When someone got to breeding age, you bred with them as quickly as you could because they probably weren't going to make it to be 20. I mean, that's a wild debate that's happening. A bunch of few guys, like thousands of years

ago, like, I don't want to bang these young girls but no one's living. They're all dying. Well, I don't think they thought 15 was old back then or young back then because I think you know With the average age of death. Well, the average is death is it's complicated, right? Because when they calculate the average life expectancy of people that lived a long time ago Yeah, really you have to factor in infant mortality which screws everything up because so many children and babies died young so they make the age

like oh the average person lived to be 30 well that fucks it up because a lot of them died at one like a shit ton of them and there are people who lived a long time I think Michelangelo lived till how long I don't know but like there are people who live long.

There are people who lived into their 80s back in the day. Yeah, they did. So it was possible. But again. The actual life expectancy like what a person could actually live to

was probably the same for the most part. It's also wild to have a kid as a woman like that primal urge back in the day knowing that there was like a 25% chance

it either killed you or the baby. I don't know what those percentages are, but knowing, every time you're going into this, that you wanna talk about like your, that's why, I don't know, like when I hear a lot of people like our age or whatever like that,

like there's a lot of women that are like, I just don't want kids. And it's like, I understand intellectually why you might not, but there has to be a biological impulse inside of you yearning to do that. I don't think it's for everybody. I really don't think so. It's not for everybody. But I don't think that the urge is for everybody. You think there are human beings whose one purpose on this earth is to procreate who just do not have that in them. I don't think

that's the one purpose on the earth anymore. I think at one point in time when there was less people, I think the urge and the imperative to breed was much more strong. It was much stronger and it was much more of a focus. I don't think that, I think the way nature works, and this is me just completely guessing, when there's an abundance of people, like in urban situations, people are much less likely to have children. Do you know that that's the argument for underpopulation, right? A population collapse. This is why Elon keeps having kids.

Like the population collapse is- He's not single-handedly trying to like bring the population back. But he literally is. Like he's having a bunch of kids. He's having 10 kids. But he's having them with surrogates. It's not like He's having a bunch of kids. He's having 10 kids. But he's having them with surrogates. It's not like he's just shooting loads into people.

He's making embryos and in vitro fertilization. He's doing wild shit to make people. That is the dorkiest way to have kids. But he's trying to do that. He's trying to make a lot of people. If you're going to do the act, if you're going to be with the person, you might as well enjoy it. But I think genuinely he wants to make as many people as he can.

Genuinely. That's why he's saving embryos and doing in vitro fertilization. He's genuinely trying to contribute to the population. He thinks that population collapse is a real issue. If you talk to him about it, he has a compelling argument about it. I'd like to hear it. There's a compelling argument that relates to- I think it's a primal breeding fetish. I'll be honest with you. I think that's what Nick Cannon has. And I think what happens is you just start to get addicted to

this feeling of bringing life into it because there's this old impulses baked into our DNA that this is what we're supposed to do. And he's in a financial situation where they both are, where they can do that. And there's not many restrictions put on them. But to over-intellectualize it, like, I'm trying to bring back the population. It's like, no, you get a kick out of it. It's fun. You can afford it. If you talk to him, I think you'd have a different opinion.

Okay. He genuinely thinks that it's important for people to have as many children as possible. And he's basing this, is what I was getting to. There's studies where they talk about urban environments and highly educated people are having less and less children because the woman has career the woman has a career the man has a career they put it off did you ever see um uh idiocracy no but uh hilarious yeah yeah still i know i know i know i know i got it i got it but that's in idiocracy yeah there's a couple in idiocracy that's like

really highly educated yeah yeah he's brilliant he's a couple in Idiocracy that's like really highly educated. You had him on, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My judge. He's brilliant, judge. He's the shit. I love him. Great guy. He lives here. And in that film, like there's this one guy who lives in a trailer and he's got like 50 kids, keeps fucking all these women.

He's fucking the neighbor. He's having kids with everybody. And then there's this super educated couple that's holding it off and putting it off until they're like in their 40s and then they can't have kids, and the guy doesn't have any sperm left, and the girl's eggs are bad. That's the reality of intelligent, educated people with careers, is that they have less children. And so that's the fear of population collapse in large urban environments.

When people move up in economic status, and they move up in terms of their career, that takes precedent over having children. Yeah. I think that is happening. I mean, look, I mean, for me, I'm 38. I don't have kids yet. You know, my wife, she just got her MBA. We haven't started having kids yet. I mean, I think in the very near future, you know, God willing, we'll be able to do that. But yeah, we put these other things first. Yeah. Well, that's what people do. Well, and I think that's partially responsible for the extreme wokeness. Let me take you there in this. I haven't fully formed this thought, but basically, I think from my friends who have kids, once

you have kids, the world shrinks, right? It's like what matters is your family. What matters is those kids' lives. What's going on in their lives? Are they struggling? Do they not have friends in school? Is one of them hurt? Is one of them injured?

Are they like developing emotionally? Right. You don't have all this extra time to be worried about all these kind of like manifestations of outrage, right? all these kind of like manifestations of outrage, right? And like if you have two fucking toddlers that you're carrying around all day and mustard stains all over your shirt, you're not exactly going to the march about Chappelle's show and saying this is fucked up.

That's true. And I think what happens is in these urban centers where you're saying these like cities, like New York where I live and these other ones, San Francisco and LA, people are waiting so much longer to have children. So they have so many more years to focus on the outrage or focus on what is wrong with

the world. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't put focus on that. I'm just saying it is harder when you have three kids you have to take care of and provide for every single day. Well, it's also, there's a natural thing that happens to many intelligent women, let's say in show business, they get older and they become activists. It's almost like automatic. That's when the roles dry up though. Yeah.

Once the roles dry up, it's like, what do I have to do to stay on the ship? It's a little bit of that, but it's also, it's like they want relevance. They want something that's important to them. And so they want to talk about the problems of the world. Yeah. Which women with children get a little upset saying, well, the problems of the world, we have to make the world better for the next generation. I don't want my kids getting shot in school. That's the big problem. Yes.

The problem isn't your pronoun. The problem is the kid could get shot in school and I don't want that. Well, it's also you want your children to be healthy. You don't want the rivers to be polluted. You don't want, you know. You want them to inherit a world. One of the things that happens when there's a giant mass of people, like cities, is you don't feel a primal urge to procreate. Because the people around you aren't procreating.

There's so many people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's what coyotes do. Do you know what coyotes do? Roll call, you know, when they howl. When they're doing that, they're checking to see who's around. And if one of them doesn't respond, that means they're dead. And what happens with the female is when a coyote gets killed out of a pack,

the female coyotes will produce extra offspring in their litter. the female coyotes will produce extra offspring in their litter. So like if a coyote pack remains intact and they have no threat and they do the roll call all the time and all the coyotes respond, the female will have two or three cubs. But if they call out and then a coyote doesn't respond or one or two is dead, then the female will have five, six, seven cubs. There's a natural thing that happens in their body where nature realizes they have to pick up the slack because there's animals that are missing.

When you're in an environment like an urban environment and you are stuck on the 405 and there's fucking millions of people, the last thing you think is, man, we need more people. It's just natural. And there's fucking millions of people. The last thing you think is, man, we need more people. Yeah. It's just natural. If it happens in other animals, you got to think that it happens in people. This brings us back to dolphins. Elon is a coyote. No, Elon, he's just logical.

He thinks like math. He's looking at this like, oh, I see where this is going. He's seeing it in terms of a hundred year curve. He's like, we need a lot of people. Like it's going to, people are going to stop breeding and there's going to be a big fall off. Okay. You were saying with dolphins though.

Dolphins, the female has to have this baby that she protects for like six, seven years, whatever the number is. Yeah. So male dolphins will come along. Kill the baby. Exactly. They'll kill the baby to force the female into estrus. And so she'll want to breed again and she'll fuck.

So the strategy that female dolphins have devised is they become sluts. So female dolphins fuck as many male dolphins as possible. So everyone thinks it's theirs and they all protect it. That's the bonobo chimpanzees thing. Sort of. The bonobo, no, the bonobo specifically. The chimpanzees use it for problem solving, but they use it for problem solving and they use it for conflict resolution.

Yeah. They fuck to resolve tension. Wait a minute. They're the only animal other than us that does it for pleasure. My understanding was specifically the bonobo chimpanzees have sex with everybody, like almost family members and everybody's fucking. And the idea was if everybody's fucking, we have to protect everyone because everybody could be your kid, they could be your father, they could be your uncle, etc. Sort of, but the males fuck their kids.

Which is bad. It's bad. You know who doesn't fuck? The mother won't fuck the son. That's it. And that's our favorite porn. Ah, stepmom porn. I think that's why Elon's dad didn't get much shit. Oh, he got a lot of shit. It was for a week. Yeah, but nobody knows who he is.

It's like, why are you concentrating on some guy from South Africa? I mean, it's the father of the richest guy ever. I think that there's a reasonable amount of concentration. Sort of the richest guy ever. Ooh, go on that. Yeah, it's the Saudis. They're the richest people ever. They just don't, it's not public. Like, you know. Or Putin's

the richest ever. Yeah, he's one of the richest ever. But are you the richest ever? The royal oil families, they don't have to disclose their income. They're trillionaires. I talked to Dana White about this. But that's the family. This is a guy. No, no, no, no, no, no. The amount of wealth. The amount of wealth from pulling billions of dollars of oil out

of the ground a day is fucking insane. Do they have weapons of mass destruction? Some countries do. Yeah. Some of, I mean, there's arguments that they might. It's like, look, you could buy it from Russia. Like you could buy nuclear missiles back in the day. That's Operation Odessa.

Like they tried to sell that guy a submarine. Nuclear submarine. Yeah, to move coke around in, and they asked him if he wanted nuclear missiles. He's like, what? Huh? Yeah, because they were just trying to make money, right? They were just selling everything they had. I sell you a missile as well.

That's a wild thing to do. Wild. Yeah, sell a nuclear missile. Yeah, to a dude who's trying to run wild thing to do. Wild. Yeah, sell a nuclear missile. Yeah, to a dude who's trying to run coke under the ocean. Dude, coke. I've never done coke.

You ever do coke? No, I've never done coke. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You know why I never did coke? I put on my gums once. Why?

Because I had a friend and his cousin was a coke addict when I was in high school. And? And I got to watch his life fall apart. Interesting. It was bad.

Yeah. And he whittled away to like 140 pounds and just stayed in his fucking, he had an apartment in the attic with his girlfriend. It's in Boston Yeah. He whittled away to like 140 pounds, just stayed in his fucking, he had an apartment in the attic with his girlfriend. It's in Boston. Yeah. And all they did was in Newton, all they did was do coke and watch TV. Yeah. It was fucking horrible. I watched him like vanish. It was like, it was like somebody got bit by a vampire. Yeah. That's how it looked to me. I was like, Ooh, I was always scared of anything that could turn you into a

loser. Yeah. I just, I don't know. I don't like the energy on Coke. Like, I have friends who are drunk, and they're fun. Like, we got shit-faced when we did our pod, and it was fun. How fun was that? It was the most fun. That was so fun. And you said something to me interesting about just, like, what people gravitate to in general. Maybe this is inside baseball podcast, but, like, the hang, like, the silliness.

You know, we weren't trying to change the fucking world. We were just guys busting balls and having fun. And like, I mean, that episode was just fucking berserk. But I saw, I see people get drunk and I do it and I would see people coked up and I would be really annoyed by them. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to be annoyed. Right. Or be annoying. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to be annoyed. Right.

Or be annoying. Yeah. Exactly. But drunk, like, I get friends that are high. They're fucking hilarious. Right. The mushroom shit, it fucks me up too much. But, like, I see friends on mushrooms.

We're just laughing. Whatever is going to induce that laughing. Yeah, mushrooms are not conducive necessarily to podcast. Although I did do mushrooms at Post Malone. And we had a great fucking podcast. We were tripping. And we were laughing our asses off. He seems like a good kid. He's a great guy.

Yeah. Post is a great guy. Yeah, yeah. He's fucking cool as shit. He's so relaxed. And has handled fame well. Oh, yeah. I always look at people who have had immense fame and how they've managed it and navigated it.

Well, he's drunk a lot. That's one of the best ways to handle it. That's how Chappelle does it. But yeah, you see it, right? He's talking to the kids, fucking dripping sweat. Like it was crazy. Did you see the recent Chappelle thing? Oh, he did like a talk.

Chappelle's most- Oh, the Netflix thing? Yeah. I did not see that. I haven't seen it. I've just seen clips, but I got to watch it. But like the most boss move of him is using netflix as his instagram like he's just like i got a video and put this up ted well they'll take anything from chappelle yeah they're like what do you got

100 he's like i'm taking a shit and playing the guitar like run it let's go run it is john mayer Like, whatever makes it interesting. He's in a tub singing. The body is a wonderland. But yeah, man. Yeah, well, we were talking before the podcast about what happened. So today is, what's today's date? Today is the 22nd, which is a Friday. And just yesterday, Chappelle's show got canceled in Minneapolis in a venue that, did Prince own it? I think that was the Purple Rain venue. Right.

I don't know if you've ever owned it, but I think that was synonymous with Prince. Right, with Prince. Yeah, I think it was called First Ave. And something happened where these people decided that Chappelle is problematic or transphobic or what have you. And so the venue at the last minute, like a couple of hours before the show, canceled his performance. Yeah. And he had to move it to the Varsity Theater. Yeah.

And there was protests. Yep. And you said one of your buddies was there? One of my buddies went. So they moved it to this other theater. And first of all, the reason why the venue canceled is because all the people that work there threatened to not go to work. That's what I'm hearing.

So it's not like they felt like this never-ending urge to protect the community. They wanted Chappelle. Everybody wants Chappelle at the venue. But if everybody is at the venue is going, I'm not going to work, then you can't exactly have a show. So they do it at the other show, this other venue. And then the protesters went to the other venue and were kind of like, I don't know, for lack of a better term, like harassing the people that were going to go to the actual show. And my buddy went there and they were trying to fight him.

And like he wasn't even going to the show. He was going to see what was happening He wasn't like part of like an anti protest type thing and we make a video no, but uh, he's a he's a Somali kid Right. I want to get you this red band sent me a video Yeah, show me what of the eggs or the guy was gonna throw the eggs and you know, I don't know Yeah, I haven't seen it. So we'll see it for the first time together. But look at this real quick before you play the video, right? So a guy found out, one of the guys who was protesting was trying to fight him and fuck him up,

found out who he was and then sends him a message, right? And the guy's name is Anthony, and he has his pronouns he and they in the bio. He and they. Yeah, he and they. Oh, sometimes I'm a they. Sometimes I'm a he. And if you get it wrong. Yeah, don't get it wrong.

You're a bigot. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. So he goes, hey, Abdi, I've talked with others who were there and closer to you now that the picture has become clear. I'm very sorry that the white guy started off the whole escalation and caused a bunch of bad assumptions. This is 100% why as a cis white guy, I choose to follow the directions of the activists as organizers on the ground instead of taking the lead. I'm there to support. It bothers me a lot that white guys do this and leave other people to pick up the mess. I'm going to delete my replies because they didn't pick up on what was actually happening. I see your byline in MSR and Sahan Journal and look forward to reading some of

your pieces. Hope our next meeting is more peaceful. Good night." Did he punch him? I don't know. Why did he say more peaceful? What did he do to him? I guess they were just beefing or something. So this is the video that Red Band sent me. It says, trans activists protesting outside a sold out Chappelle show in Minneapolis. So let's play it and hear what they have to say. Queer phobes go home. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.

Oh, my God. A lot of hostility out here. But it's not a lot of people that are hostile. It's a small amount. It seems like there's like, if you're watching this, it seems like there's probably like 12 or 14. I don't know. It's hard to see.

Who knows? Yeah. But the thing about Chappelle's special that drives me crazy, and this is one of the things that drives me crazy about cancel culture, air quotes, outrage culture, I should say, is that people don't know the full story and they protest and they get crazy and they have a narrative that they've either read or they've seen and they just adopt that narrative and they run with it. And the narrative is that his special was transphobic. Right. That special is not transphobic at all. It's essentially a love letter to a friend who committed suicide.

I think that depends on your definition of transphobia. I've talked to some trans people about this. And they feel if you do not believe that they are the gender that they identify as, if you believe that they're not that, that that is considered transphobic. So, for example, in the special, he's like, I don't believe that you're a woman. I don't hate you, but I don't believe you're a woman. Did he say that? Something to that extent.

I don't want to mess up the exact words. I think he said that gender, I don't know. Or gender is a science or something, whatever. I don't want to mess it up. Sorry if I didn't get exactly right. But I think the sentiment was like, yo, if you had a penis, it's not the same thing as a woman. I think trans women go, yeah, we know that. Like, no trans woman I've spoken to is like, yeah, I understand, like, biologically I'm not a fucking woman.

I get it. But inside I feel like a woman. Right. And what is inside, I guess, matters is what they're saying. How do they know if they feel like a woman? I don't fucking know. Have you seen the documentary What is a Woman? It's my favorite documentary.

No. Have you seen it? No. You told me about it. You got to watch it. It's wild. Yeah. It's Matt Walsh.

Yeah. Who's this right wing guy. With the beard. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And he has the best deadpan in the fucking business. Because all he's doing with these people is asking questions. He's not making assumptions.

He's not being confrontational. He's just letting them say their stuff. And it's fucking crazy. I mean, there's this one lady who's talking about babies. Yeah. Knowing they're in the wrong body. Babies. Like, how does a fucking baby know anything? Like, babies sometimes think they're in the wrong body. Yeah, you can't be it Like how does a fucking baby know anything like babies sometimes think they're dinosaurs?

Yeah, yeah, my brother was a Power Ranger. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah, no I thought it was a ninja really For how long and then you kind of like followed through like you did taekwondo like you committed to that shit way too long, bro Got really excited about bruce lee movies but but the thing the thing is about the um like the i i guess i identify thing is and i was texting you this but i thought it was really kind of funny like women actually opened the door for this because like we were objectifying you for your body parts for a long time and you were like we're more than that it's what's inside that matters and now the trans people like yeah it's it's what's inside and now ladies are like fuck i yeah kind of i mean what about my pussy i don't you don't think that jk rowling that's her whole

thing that's not what her whole thing is her whole thing is that you're not a woman just because you say you're a woman what makes you a woman that pussy joe no actually you're not a woman just because you say you're a woman. What makes you a woman? That pussy joke. No, actually, you're every single cell of your fucking body. Do you know that there's a movement right now amongst archaeologists where they don't want to identify dead

people as male or female because you don't know how they're identified? Oh, God. Yes, that's what I'm saying. That's where it goes. You can tell. You can dig someone up that has been dead for a hundred years and you can tell whether or not that was a male or a female, meaning did they have a double X chromosome or an XY. You can tell by the structure of their body. You can tell by many, many things. But trans people aren't saying that. The ones that I speak to, they're not going, yeah, they're not saying, yeah, my biology is exactly equal to a

woman. They're saying, I feel like a fucking woman inside. I feel like I'm in the wrong body. I don't know what the fuck that feels like, but if you say that that's how you feel, it is confusing, but I can't tell you that you don't feel like you're in the wrong body. But that was the original way they would address it. Now they just address it

in terms of the most aggressive versions of trans people. Yeah, but the most aggressive versions of everybody. They're saying, I am a woman. They're not saying, I identify as a woman. They're saying, I am a woman. Okay. Well, the most extreme version of everybody sucks. The most extreme version of a dude from Texas sucks.

The most extreme version of a dude from New York sucks. Every extreme stinks. Extreme right sucks. Extreme left sucks. The most extreme version of dude from New York sucks. Like every extreme stinks. Extreme right sucks. Extreme left sucks. But those are the people who get the headlines because that's the wildest thing to react to. Like the reasonable human being that's on like the middle and has compassion for both sides never makes a fucking headline. Look the way they paint you. It's like, we all know who you are. Right. And then we see how you get painted by the media because it's like, that's what's going to get people to click on it right and it's like it's it's a wild thing to even experience it because you're like i know this guy like i know who he is and then you see the headline you're

like but that's what's clickable dude even with my with the fucking special and i'm not trying to plug but like there's a certain amount of things that create an article. Right? When I said I bought it back, when I said that they wanted me to cut jokes, that wasn't an article yet. When I posted one of the jokes they wanted to cut and it was an abortion joke, ding, ding, ding, trifecta.

Media goes after it. It's no censorship, abortion, which is a hot fucking topic right now and i guess buying a bag is like a cool thing and like putting it out with abortion jokes it just shows you know when i filmed it right yeah last september like so long ago quite a while nothing changes not much think about it there are biden jokes in there that are still relevant. Gas prices jokes, still relevant. It was one of those things where we waited so long because we had to go through the process and everything. But talk me through the process because we got sidetracked here.

So how did this work without naming names? Or if you want to name names. Look, here's the thing. The reason why I haven't named the streamer and people have said a bunch of things is because the guy there is a good guy. And he fought for it. But people have bosses. And sometimes you have to do what the boss says right so what was the scenario well i sold a special we had it ready to go even before even before covid we had did you did you sell it before you filmed

it yes okay yeah so you had a deal yep had a deal everything ready to go They saw me live Yes So they bought it, they go we like it At the show you were at We're good Everything's good to go Basically The Chappelle trans thing happens And they freak out

Culture changed They freak the fuck out. I go, I'm not cutting these, and they start saying these weird corporate terms like, you know, we don't want any punching down. Which is really the most bigoted fucking way of looking at something.

You have to look at yourself higher and above another person. And I get it. You see a white guy on stage making fun of every different culture and person. Like I'm fucking making fun of a Somali dude. I'm making fun of women. I'm making fun of like whoever it is. You're making fun of yourself too though, a lot.

Exactly. I'm teasing me constantly. Everybody gets these jokes. That's the ethos. You've been at the show. You understand what it is. And all these people, they're coming for that. They want to be part of it.

It's fun. They recognize, I don't fucking hate these people. I'm actually curious. I don't like dissecting comedy like that too much to other people. Like with the comics, I'll do it. But I'm curious in your culture. And I want to learn about it. And I understand that as an outsider, maybe I have some cool observations that you know,

but you didn't know other people saw. And then you get to see that kind of get exposed. And people really like that. Yeah. They like being represented by it. I make a joke about Albanians. The fucking Albanian community shares like crazy. You know, it's just like, it's a really cool thing to happen.

Yeah. And we had this great fucking thing at these live shows where everybody walks in the door and they just, they turn off the, I'm offended by everything or whatever the world is outside. And it becomes like, I don't know what the, I don't even know what to compare it to. But it kind of becomes like, remember when you're riding the bus to school? Yes. And it's like, yo, we're all on the bus, bro. Yeah.

Everybody's getting made fun of. Right. And you're going to get some shit thrown in the back of your head. And then you're going to clap back at that motherfucker for having a big nose. And he's going to clap back at you. And this girl's got red hair. We're fucking lighting her her up and it was just the best 30 minutes on the way to school right and it's like we've made that and it exists and it happens and all this fucking outreach shit is bullshit and you saw it in the room it's beautiful well the people that were there are the

people that seek out that kind of humor yes that is all that's the thing it's like is it okay to seek out that kind of humor now if you don't like that kind of humor Don't fucking watch it and this is the fucking this is the crazy thing about it Because I understand some what the the network wants like take it down, and I'm fucking grateful I was even able to buy it back. Okay. That's awesome I put it out myself right and I put out on my website, and I'm only putting out for fucking two weeks, okay? There's a two-week fucking window where you can buy it.

It stops, I think, August 1st or July 31st is the last day. And what are you going to do? I don't know. But whatever the fuck I want. Interesting. Because I own it. That's what I want to do. Why did you decide two weeks, though? Urgency. I saw these amazing comics put specials up on, like, a platform like Netflix, and it just, like, it's a fart

in the wind. Like, people go, I'll get to it eventually. Oh, it's there forever. I'll get to it content it's so much and there's no urgency I wanted a fucking pay-per-view event like there's a reason I had fucking Bruce and you connected me so thank you so much for that but like Bruce did the intro yeah which Bruce Buffer's the man Bruce is the fuck dude let me tell you something about Bruce like and Michael Irvin has this as well Michael Irvin he he had a term for it man i forget the fucking name for it but like he's like i'm uh i'm a hundred percenter i go what's that mean he goes whatever i'm doing is a hundred percent bruce is a hundred percenter

yeah whatever if he could have been easy he could have had fucking no cards and read off the no cards he he even said to us he goes let me give it another shot and then fucking tore the roof off the rebuff we refresh this and do it from the top oh this shit is crazy put the headphones on This is the moment you've all been waiting for. It's time! Pointing out of New York City, he is the reigning, Look at him. the infamous Andrew Trump!

He's like a tomato. He's as red as a tomato at the end. He's the best. He doesn't have to do it. Oh, of course he does. But he's 100% it, bro. Oh, he's all in. He's the best announcer of all time.

Ever. Ever. And it's like, he came through, he fucking did it, and then, and honestly, kind of cool story the song that plays afterwards is by a musician named russ who is like the ultimate fucking indie

dude and he's the reason i posted shit on youtube he said in an interview that he wasn't getting traction so he said fucking i'm gonna put out a song a week every week i'm gonna put out a song and i'm just gonna get better at this and keep on putting it out and I was Like fuck I'm not working hard enough if this guy could put out a song a week I'm gonna put out a clip a week and I put out a clip a week on fucking Instagram and YouTube for a year Mmm, and that changed everything so I hit him up and I told him the fucking story and I was like dude It would be an honor if we could have you do a song and he gave us a fucking unreleased song That's a put on the thing so that's

that's dope that's dope too that he was the inspiration and then he brought it all around yeah and he's on your show i don't know but yeah the fucking the thing with the jokes is like i'm not editing fucking jokes joe i don't mind like you write a movie for me tell me what the fuck to say if i agree to do it i'll fucking do it but i made this and I'm so grateful for you for even shining a light on what I was doing and and creating this opportunity for me like coming on this show for the first time like not only changed my career but I think it changed a lot of comics career because they also started doing the YouTube stuff and Instagram stuff and it really like transformed how comedy is is done now for a new generation like literally it's like idea and then platform and cosine can can shift

the fucking industry dude like yeah yeah i can it was after that fucking day man it was like so but i made my bones putting out comedy the exact way i wanted to put it i had never done comedy on tv for a network so the first that's pretty amazing but the first time i do it i'm gonna start clipping jokes and like cutting lines and watering it down fuck that fuck that yeah so i was able to do this and like this company moment house who does these live streaming events they're fucking awesome they're like yo let's go do it and um and we just fucking we did it and it was it was well you know that's what louis ck's been doing the last couple of times he's he's the inspo too i gotta give so much credit to louis because like if didn't, and Tom Segura and Christina

P, because they were doing Your Mama's House Live. Yeah. And I was like, okay, so people will do it. No, but I- You need to get in on that. They're fun, yo. Oh my God. They-

I did one of them. Crazy? It's insanity. Yeah. The shit that they play is- Because you could never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever play that on YouTube. Impossible. Yeah. they play is because you could never ever ever ever ever ever play that on YouTube impossible yeah you only could do it on that platform that pay-per-view platform where people know what they're signing up for yeah it's horrific yeah I drove home like dry heaving that was the host of Fear Factor fucking years just

thinking about what the fuck I saw yeah Yeah. It's horrific, man. But Louis did it. He sold his. And like, I was like, okay, this is possible. Now, Louis, I'm looking at, you're a fucking superstar. Like, I'm like, can I do that? Can I like approach it? You know?

And I was like, I think we can. I think that if we get the word out, we have, you know, we have a podcast and we have people who subscribe to the YouTube channel. I think there's, and obviously my friends who are willing to support it. I was like I think we can do it and But yeah, if Louie didn't fucking do that and have success I also didn't know how successful he was and I kind of felt like embarrassed to ask him like how much money did you make? Right like that feels weird. You know what I mean? Like money's a little gross in that regard and But then I heard that he did pretty good and then then Tom was giving me advice about the whole thing,

and it was, yeah, it was just fire. It can be done. It can be done now. There's ways to do it if you have a big enough reach and a big enough platform, as long as you're not getting fucking censored. You know, if you're not getting, as long as you have some social media

where you can put it out and you have, like, a network. But, you know, you've got to feel a little bit vulnerable just for relying on companies relying on instagram or twitter and you know it seems like that's the whole reason why elon wanted to buy twitter in the first place because he felt like there's just when babylon b got censored that was when he really stepped in it's like this is ridiculous i thought it was really cool what he did with, um, he went on their podcast after that. And I've seen you do these types of things too, which is like nurture the people who have been wrongfully removed or silenced. Yeah.

And he don't have to do that. That motherfucker's busy. Like, I mean, you saw the picture of him on the boat Yeah Like he's been working Yeah

He is the whitest motherfucker that's ever lived He like he never sees the sun He's a volleyball Yeah A volleyball I looked at the head He is right Like I looked at the picture

Like a corpse Bro I hit up Akash And I was like Put your money in Tesla And he's like why I'm like this motherfucker's working. He's not outside. Like, Jeff Bezos is buff and fucking tan.

Like, Amazon's in someone else's hands. Yeah. But Elon is in the factory still. Yeah. Like, he's cooking. Oh, 100%. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting, because it's an independent American company that makes automobiles.

It's the biggest independent American company ever. African American, bro. That's true. But it's an American company in terms of like it was all founded, started, built here. They're even building microchips now. They're doing everything. Because like during the COVID crisis, one of the things that got really highlighted to a lot of people is our dependence on other companies in other countries, rather, to produce stuff.

And that's one of the reasons why the United States is... They're spending money and putting a lot of effort into the manufacture of chips. And right before they were about to announce this, Nancy Pelosi's husband, because he knew apparently maybe, what do you think, maybe got some inside news, bought $5 million worth of Nvidia stock because he knew this shit was going to go up, which is wild. That relationship with Nancy Pelosi and insider trading and her husband is wild. Do you know that she's better at stock market picks than Warren Buffett and George Soros? She can do no wrong, bro.

She should quit what she's doing. You know why she can do no wrong, though. You know why. Why? Them heavies. Them fucking heavies, bro. The heavies. Dude, when I saw those things, dude.

It just sends me a picture of her and next to it is a guy like lifting weights. Barnyard fucking bonkers, dude. They're giant. It was truly... Like she's got implants, right? I don't think so. Come on, dude. I think they're so big.

They were just sitting high like that? She's 80 years old. Well, they're propped up. No, but no freckles or nothing? They look good. No freckles. You get freckles when they're big? I mean when you get 90.

You start getting sunspots and shit. Yeah, whatever. She had none of them. They were like pristine. Huh. You think they're fake? They're fake, bro. Really?

I DM'd Yomi Park afterwards. If you're an 80-year-old lady and you said, are they fake? No, I said, I'm leaving you. Do you think those are real? I think those got to be fake. But look at that fucking body right there. I don't know. They look kind of fake.

No, she's got it, bro. But yeah, is her husband a crook and is she a crook? Absolutely. 100%. But does she have the stupid fat tits? Yes. She's got freckles. She's got titty freckles.

Look at those. Look at those. Should we be, if they are fake, should we be able to comment on them? Oh, look at that, the inside. What is that? Where they touch in the center and then the chaos. The Grand Canyon? Above. That's all the stuff that's seen the sun. What is that? Where they touch in the center and then the chaos. The Grand Canyon? That's all the stuff that's seen the sun.

Yeah. But what's underneath. It just shows you. Elon's got it right. Stay out of the sun. Yeah. But goddamn, I had no clue. Look at the size of those cans.

Yeah, big, big, big, big, big. You think those are fake? I think they gotta be fake. I think there's something else in there. Well, they're definitely sticking out in an unusual way. They're not just big. They're big and out in an unusual way. They're not just big. They're big and out. Yeah.

They're not like a tribe lady. Yeah. Where they're like sagging down. Yeah. Those suckers are out. Out. Could be some sort of a support bra, like a push-up bra. Or some silicone.

It could be a lot of that. Yeah. And if that's the case, Joe, they are the people's titties. Yeah, and if that's the case, Joe, they are the people's titties. If my tax dollars have paid for those titties, those are mine a little bit. They probably haven't paid for them. I bet our tax dollars, whatever she gets paid per year, is probably barely enough to support her mortgage.

Barely. Well, I was just trying to find an argument so I could objectify her tits. Oh, you could just do that. You think that's okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's kind of a pro. She's enough of a scumbag? Yeah. That's what I was just trying to find an argument so I could objectify her tits. Oh. You could just do that. You think that's okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like kind of a pro. She's enough of a scumbag? Yeah. That's what I was thinking about.

It's like Ghislaine Maxwell. Same thing. She's got the big heavies. Is that the way you made it back in the day? What? Having big tits? Yeah. It's like Hillary got some sweet sweater pups.

Does she? Have you not seen that? I don't even think of her as a woman. I mean, I'm sure she is. She had a child. What is a woman, Joe? That's the question. What is a woman?

That's the crazy thing about this documentary. They say it's someone who identifies as a woman. And he goes, okay, but what is that? If everyone who goes against you gets killed or ruined, is that a woman? No. That might be a woman? No. That's a – yeah. That might be a woman. The fucking Clinton hit list.

Is that – What are you saying? I don't know what you're saying. I'd like to agree with you. What is happening? I'm just – listen, this is a comedy podcast. We're just throwing shit out here. Don't trust us.

You hear about the latest guy? Who? The latest guy who he allowed, he got Epstein into the White House, I think seven times. And he was, you know, a part of the whole island thing. This guy hung himself with an electrical cord 30 miles from his home at a ranch and shot himself in the chest with a shotgun. Yeah. No one does home at a ranch and shot himself in the chest with a shotgun yeah no one does that at a ranch it's too like we're talking about earlier it's too peaceful it's too serene like if you're gonna

shoot yourself you shoot yourself in the head yeah family of Bill Clinton advisor who admitted Jeffrey Epstein into White House seven times has blocked release of files detailing the death scene after he was found hanging from a tree with a shotgun blast at a ranch 30 miles from his home. See, this is the stuff that we didn't know before the internet. This is wild. Well, I knew because of a book that I read a long time ago called The Strange Death of

Vince Foster. Vince Foster was a guy who was involved in a real estate adventure. In Arkansas? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Corrupt real estate thing that went sideways. And they found this guy. He had the gun in his hand, which you never do.

When you shoot yourself, this is what happens. Yeah, yeah. You don't still hold on to the gun. It's like this bang. Yeah. You don't hold the gun. He's on the ground with the gun pointing at his head. Yeah, it's like a Perry Mason TV episode.

You fucking idiots. That's not a way to kill somebody. Not only that, there was less blood in his body. Like, there was less blood at the scene of the crime than was missing from his body. So they moved him. So they moved his body 100%. And they put him somewhere. Yeah. And they put the gun in his hand, which all those things point to murder rather than suicide.

And it would have incriminated bill right yes now does this part of the body count yes now does this prove the early ones it's worth killing but this doesn't prove anything he ends up becoming we don't know what else he was involved in look it could have been he was banging some guy's wife and a lot of you know when someone gets killed just because that person's corrupt or involved in a corrupt thing doesn't mean they're the people that kill them people that are often corrupt yeah are involved in a lot of shady shit yeah like they could be banging chicks they could be banging dudes they could be fucking selling drugs yeah who the fuck you don't only do one

corrupt thing there's a lot of people out there yeah you're a shady guy but shady people get killed people that are involved in criminal enterprises get killed like yeah who knows what else they were involved with these people like juice they like the fucking yeah i'm doing something bad they like doing bad things yeah that's their adrenaline rush for sure that said like who fucking knows so the nancy pelosi thing right like she's transparent about it. She's like, yeah, I think that private citizens should be able to trade. My husband's a private citizen.

She says that flat out, right? Did you see the most recent denial of whether or not she told her husband? Was she in a bathing suit? Because if she wasn't, I didn't see it, you know? There was a recent, see if you can find the video. You got it here. Put the headphones back on. Well, when he gets it, you got to see this.

Because her, first of all, there's a lot of bad actresses out there. Amber Heard's a bad actress. Amber Heard looks like Daniel Day-Lewis compared to her. She's so bad. She's so bad. It's so fake. It's like, oh, my God. We're seeing this way.

Look, she's an 80-year-old woman. The internet is only like, what, 25 years old? Okay, let's listen to this. Husband has not bought stock based on any of my information. Listen. I think we have to go now. One more, he said. Yes, sir.

me listen i think we have to go now one more he said yes sir what are you saying no absolutely not okay Absolutely not. Okay. She pushed the mic for that. She could just walk away. She doesn't have to push the mic. Okay, this goes away now. Okay. Bro.

Bro. Come on, man. That shit was hilarious. That is so bad. Absolutely not. Gotta go. Gotta go, gotta go. Could you imagine if you really were innocent? You would go,

that is not my character. I would never do that. I swore an oath to be in this office. I'm not about making money. I'm about helping people. So what if I make 200 grand a year and I'm worth a half a billion dollars? That's just luck. Usual suspects. You saw the movie? Yes. Remember

the guy that they knew did it? The guy that they knew did it was the guy that The guy that they knew did it was the guy that slept that night Yeah, right if you were accused of something you didn't do and you could go to jail right you're never gonna sleep in the Jail cell you're freaking out your life is about to be torn away from you You're not comfortable at all right the guy who knows he did it He seems like a fucking baby. I think I got this right. I hope I did. But that's a perfect example.

Like when you know you fucked up. Well, she's just so used to having that kind of power. And also that kind of influence. Absolutely not. That's that. And nothing will happen to me. Gotta go. Nothing will happen. That's what's crazy. Until

Republicans get in control. If the Republicans get in control, they will do something to try to get- Weren't they? Weren't they in control in the beginning of Trump? Well, they probably probably too. That's the thing. Have you ever seen the congressional list of congresspeople who benefited on the stock market?

Boy. That's why you need a wife. That's why you need a husband. Right. You need someone connected to you to do the dirty work. That's the Hunter Biden shit, right? Like, you can't send a friend to the Ukraine. You've got to send family.

This is like old school if you think about it. That's how they used to do it, but the problem is then you're directly connected to it. But isn't it better because those are the only people you can trust? Yeah, but he didn't trust his son. His son was a classic fuck-up. He was smoking crack on the street. Like he was smoking like Vietnam street crack. That's, yeah.

That's daddy issues right there. Like that is- 100%. I hate my father. Well, he probably wanted to get caught. So that his dad would suffer because he wanted to be liberated. His dad probably wasn't around. Exactly.

Dad was probably a shitty dad. That's, and here's some, you want to talk about like toxic femininity? This is something interesting that we subscribe to. Why is it that dad can only fuck up a kid? Like if a dad's not around, the daughter becomes a hooker,

a stripper, an OnlyFans or something like that, right? It's, if he's fucked up Hunter in some way, like there's no way jill is a jill biden like maybe jill biden made him a crackhead like he's joe's busy doing political shit all the time jill what are you doing yeah make sure your son's on a crackhead i'm trying

to say like i don't understand like why it's always on us no matter what happens to the kid it's our fuck up hmm present a mommy issues argument to me well i think with men in particular there is a thing that happens when a man grows up without a father figure and then with women the thing that happens is the woman grows up longing for male attention i think there's a balance in nature that male and this is not to say that a lesbian couple can't raise a healthy child because they can or a gay couple can't raise a healthy child because they can and it's not saying that a single mom can't raise a healthy because a lot of powerful people out

there that were raised by single moms but in some situations there is a longing for that figure in your life and And then you see it in other people's lives. Like you go to your friend's house and the dad's cool and he takes you fishing and everybody goes, God, I wish I had a dad like that. That fucks with people. Yeah. And when your dad is not just one of the most powerful people in the world, at the time he was the vice president of the United States of America, but also hooking you up with corrupt business deals. Yeah. So you know. Do you know he put his dad in his phone as Pedo Peter? Yeah, that's wild. Because his dad had an alter ego.

It was, I think, Peter Hutchinson. What was Joe Biden's? He had like a, he'd check in hotels under a fake name, right? Because he's Joe Biden. He always wanted to go and get phone calls from people. Hey, Joe, help me out with this fucking oil deal. Come on, I'm busy. So he puts his dad in his phone as Pedo Peter.

He hates his dad, bro. It has to do with Spider-Man. Peter Parker? Peter Parker? Yeah. But it's not Peter Parker. That's what the internet says. Oh.

Oh, okay. So that's why Joe Biden used the name Peter? Okay. Yeah, back in May it came out that. Well, that doesn't explain the pedo part. Yeah, that's why I said that part. The one we have an issue with, not Peter. One of the fucking greatest memes I saw was that Joe's bummed out that he can't sniff kids anymore.

That's as soon as he found out that he got COVID, he couldn't sniff kids. He's like, these kids don't smell like anything. What's going on? Is it officially over if he survives? Fuck yeah. It was over when Chris Christie survived. That's when I lost all my fear. I'll get that fat fuck and make it through COVID.

I'm golden. When I got COVID, I wasn't even a little nervous. Yeah. When that guy survived, I'm like, oh, let me get what he got. Yeah. I'll skate through this shit. It's crazy, right? Like both of my folks who are older have it now right now my parents just got over it

so it's like over were you concerned no i sent them help you look i i have sent nurses yeah to 30 people you hooked my wife up yeah i've got us the monoclonal yeah i've done it to like probably 30 people and i'm not kidding yeah and i i do it because it's the right thing to do i want people to know that there's other ways to get out of this that you know you you don't have to just sit around and hope that your immune system takes care of it like there's treatments yeah and it's just crazy that we could be so obsessed with a thing like do you ever i don't, maybe you move on beyond this shit, but, like, the collective wisdom towards COVID now

is kind of like what you got in trouble for. Right. And, like, is there ever a part of you that's like, can I get a little fucking apology? Like, y'all called me a maniac for years. You said I was killing people. Well, people were nervous. In the beginning, people were scared, and they really felt like if you had COVID, you did something wrong if you got COVID because they really thought the vaccine protected you.

And people were dying. Yes. Yeah, this is undeniable. Yeah, 100%. Do you know that out of the people that even hospitalization, the vast majority of them were overweight? This guy who I like a lot was like saying like how many cops were dying from covet i go do you know any cops are overweight he was like saying like this is a real thing do you know any police officers are dying from covet more than

they're getting shot i'm like do you know how many police officers are fat it's like 80 percent like there's a astonishing number of police officers that are overweight and all my friends in the tactical world like all my friends that are SEALs and high-level military guys, they think it's disgusting when they see overweight, obese cops. Do you know how crazy that is? To be a person that might be in a situation

where you have to use your body to either protect others or protect yourself, and you have slovenly eaten yourself into a fucking water balloon of fat and cholesterol that is interesting corn syrup you fucking slob do you do like military folks need to like meet physical requirements every year is there like a uh it depends on what branch what you do like seals like you can't be a fat seal i'm just saying like it seems like that's a reasonable thing well you know that's david goggins's thing he was always like um a lot

of motherfuckers they think they're savage because he was a savage for six months he goes if you're a fucking savage you're a savage 24 hours a day seven days a week wake me up at three o'clock in the morning i'll run 100 miles motherfucker and he like, he feels like if you're going to be a savage, like he's a seal. He's like, if you want to be a savage, you're a fucking savage. Like that's, that's who you are. That's what you do. Stay hard. Have you ever seen him like take a nap or something like that?

I'm sure he takes naps. We got to find, we got to find David like. He sleeps. He sleeps? Yeah. He sleeps when he has to. Or like sneak a cupcake or something you don't know what an animal that guy is like let me tell you something about that guy that guy

not only is his knee his knees are so destroyed that he was running on bone-on-bone cartilage to the point where he had to get bone-on-bone yeah no cartilage yeah where he had to get an operation because it's called I think it's called wolf syndrome, where the bone grows in a deformity. My dad has this. To deal with the fact, but he was, the doctor looked at his knee and he said, I can't even believe you could walk on this. Yeah.

Nevermind run thousands of miles. Yeah. He's a fucking animal. That happened to my pops. He was running marathons back in the day and he had a bunch of issues, but he was running them in army boots. Oh, Jesus. Remember boxers back in the day. Hagler. Hagler. That's what Hagler would do. I think Ali too

and this was like the conventionalism. Combat boots. You run in a combat boot. Now, combat boots are zero arch support. Completely flat. It's the reason why I think flat-footed people don't have to go to the army or didn't have to go to the army. You couldn't go to the army. Yeah, they wouldn't take you, right um so his feet got all fucked up his knees were all fucked up no cartilage either of his knees and then yeah he started to have like one of his knees

has started to like warp you met my pops at the wedding and then one of his knees started to warp a little bit and his right knee is kind of like almost like bent out. Yeah. It's a gnarly thing that starts to happen. Yeah. Did he get it fixed? No, because he's, I mean, he's losing his memory. Most of the time people have to get knee replacements when that happens. Yeah, but it's tough when like, even like getting his teeth fixed and that kind of stuff, it's a harder process when they are forgetting. Like my dad, you know, his short-term memory is pretty much gone.

So long-term memory is still intact. But short-term is still there. Like memories divide into two different, I guess, segments or whatever. So like the things from your past you kind of remember. But the things that are happening recently you don't attach yourself to as much. So he forgets to do shit. Well, yeah. He forgets the things that he says to you and that kind of stuff. Now, weirdly, he's like the happiest he's ever

been and i wonder if this is like don't remember things yeah like the stress or like he was you know he'd suffer from depression and that kind of stuff and like i wonder if in a weird way and this is like some duval level shit where like you know what is your perception on this it's very easy for me to be selfishly going my dad doesn't remember a combo i had but like the altruistic way of going is like what if he's dealing with less stress and he's enjoying his day and he's reading his books and he's like yeah i mean that's probably the way to look at it because you can't change it dude you can't change it this is what it is yeah and like if he's seemingly doing the best that he can for this situation i mean it's stressful for my mom but like if he's if he's doing the best he can in this situation like it doesn't help him at all for me to be lamenting what he's going

through it depends about the economic situation right like if your dad's well off enough so that he can get care and get people to take care of him and you just sort of ride off into the sunset that is what it is you know but yeah But yeah, man, it's an interesting... It was really cool. My mom threw him an 80th birthday. My dad's like my fucking hero. I mean, like, you know, you were at the wedding. And like...

Your dad had you when he was fairly old. 40. My brother at 45. Old cum, Joe. It does the trick. Old nut. Old nut. What about Elon's dad?

He's 75 and he just shot a live one in there. That's going to be a great kid. Bang. Bang. Maybe he's doing it on purpose. Maybe he's trying to get kids on the spectrum. Yo, it worked with Elon. It's like, I need as many Asperger's kids as possible.

This is how we're going to change the world. Dude, that could be it. I wonder. I wonder. I don't know. I wonder what that is he's um my mom threw him like this birthday party 80th birthday and this was the coolest thing and so all of his friends from like throughout life came he has there's like 50 people and like to still have

50 people who like were affected by you at that age that's amazing i was fucking touching man like i'm 38 and i'm already like shedding friends you friends, you know? It's like, so all these people are here and they're, like, dancing. And it was the most beautiful thing because all these friends are friends from decades ago. So it was like for a night he had his memory back. Because all the stories that he talked about with these people, he remembered. They're baked into his long-term memory. And I don't know if he realized it but for a night he's normal for a night he's talking about history and about things

that happened and yeah he's saying some things and repeating a couple things but they're also dancing so it's like momentary interactions and a lot is like move my parents had a dance studio growing up so it was a big part of what they did and like it was this beautiful thing that my mom gave him i don't even know if she realized like what a gift that is. Like to give your husband like normalcy. Right. And it was, yeah, I just thought it was the coolest thing. Well, that's one of the things they think happens to people.

And one of the ways to avoid some of the cognitive decline is to do a bunch of different things. Like drive different ways to work. Don't do the same pattern every day. And one of the things that kills people is the day in, day out grind of the same job, the same stuff with the same people, a lack of novelty. What is it, it builds elasticity in the brain tissue? Yeah, you should always try to do new things,

try to learn new languages. Like Bertrand Russell, who was this incredible, fascinating intellectual, was sharp as a fucking tack, like deep, deep, deep into his old age. There's some great YouTube videos of him talking about stuff, like deep into his old age. And he was just constantly learning. Constantly doing stuff, just stimulating his mind, like forcing his mind to learn and study and and consider things and you just

can't let it's like I think it's probably like everything else like if it's like a muscle right like if you don't use that muscle it atrophies yeah and I think the mind is very similar to that it's not it's not the same in like you don't see the physical growth of it, but it's like it's making connections. It's doing stuff that force it into that place where it has to be considering things and learning and growing. Working. Yeah. Constantly.

Yeah. That's one of the reasons why I like so many different things. Yeah. I like to do a bunch of different things. Yeah. I think it's good for the mind. Yeah. I really do.

Yeah, I think it's good for the mind. Yeah, I really do. It's not like I'm saying that because I'm That's like the positive effects of it, but I'm just Drawn to do those things. Yeah, and then yeah, that's a nice benefit. It's a nice Yeah, so but it's not like I've thought it out, but that's the tricky thing also is like as you get more successful more wealthy you can remove As you get more successful and more wealthy, you can remove inconveniences from your life. And sometimes people find it inconvenient to learn a new thing, like to just pick up a new sport or a new hobby because they're going to deal with like the humiliating part of sucking at something. Yeah, you get soft. You get soft.

And you're like, I'm just going to do the things that I'm good at and then that's it. I'm not going to try something different. I'm not going to change. not gonna change so like low-key this is this is why fucking larry david i think is the goat because like like as a comedian like it's very easy like when you get successful i think sometimes people get less funny when they're less successful because you remove the inconveniences in your life that push you to write the bit like i moved back to new york because i couldn't write jokes in miami because life was too wonderful really dude was, dude, it was like people there, they wanna hang out with their family, they wanna party, they wanna listen to music loud,

they wanna dance, they wanna eat food. That is not anything for me to push back against. I need you raged about something and then I wanna take away your rage. The more outraged you are, the more I wanna take away. You hate Trump, I'm gonna defend him. You hate Clinton, I'm gonna defend him. You hate Clinton, I'm gonna defend him. Whoever you are really pissed off about.

I'm gonna find a joke. I'm gonna find a joke. That's the fun for me, right? So it's like, I had to go back to New York. I had to be in a place where there are gonna be people rubbing against me, you know what I'm saying? And what I admire about fucking Larry David is that the guy has more money than God.

He could remove himself from every bit of inconvenience in his life, right? He could if he wanted to, but he's so pure that even if he tried, it wouldn't work. Well, what does he do? Bro, do you have the video of him introducing Ariana Grande on SNL? This is, just watch this video.

It's just... He can't not be himself. Do you know what I'm saying? All he has to do is introduce Ariana Grande. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, Ariana... Just leaves. Just leaves, okay?

He just... He fucks up the name, but it's not like you threw out a first pitch. Let me see this again. Ladies and gentlemen, Ari Arag... Joe, you could practice the name. You could just say it. You've been to Starbucks.

Grande is not the hardest fucking thing to say, right? Right. And he knows he messed it up, and he doesn't even try to fix it. He goes, why? Fuck it. My job's done. Moves on. It's like, why does ice need to be a circle?

What's wrong? Like, the world is constantly rubbing against him. Like, I thought initially that he did Curb, and I was like, oh, is he just trying to tell people that, like, he was the talented one, not Jerry, and Jerry's getting all the fucking credit, right? And he's like, let me show these motherfuckers. This that he was the talented one, not Jerry, and Jerry's getting all the fucking credit, right? And he's like, let me show these motherfuckers. This guy makes the B movie. I'm going to make fucking Curb.

I'll show you the difference in who's a comedian here. And then now I really think it's just there are things that bother me, and I don't do stand-up. I do this, and I just need to get this out in the world. It's not money. The guy's got money. Attention, maybe. But I think there's The guy's got money. Attention, maybe.

But I think there's a fucking purity to him. Well, there must be, right? Because he's not balling out of control with all that money. He was driving a Prius for the longest time. And now he drives one of them little electric BMWs. With like the half door thing? Half door thing? Oh, no, no, no.

Not that one. The nerdy one. The shitty one. They're all nerdy. It's like the eye something or another. Not the cool one that looks like a sports car. Yeah, look at that thing. Yeah, look at the back door.

It's like weird. Oh, yeah, it opens like suicide. Oh, it does? Oh, it opens like a Rolls. Yeah. But yeah, the guy is, he's pure, man. As far as comedy goes. The BMW i3, that's what it is.

The cute little car. Yeah. The little electric car. We were talking about this before, about like people's relationship with wealth. Yeah. And how, you know, you said something to me that like people will resent wealth if you showcase it and you brag about it. And it's like, and it is true. And I think you see this with like the Kardashians a it and it's like and it is true and i think

you see this with like the kardashians a lot where it's like people can't stop looking at them but they also can't wait to shit on them right it's like they hope they fall apart fucking hope but they can't stop looking so it's like right they're flaunting what they got but every second they do something wrong kylie takes a jet from here to here. How dare you? You're a climate killer. I was reading an article about all the celebrities that are eco-conscious that are all flying private jets, but they were detailing the short jets, the short jet rides. Three minutes.

But here's my favorite one. They were talking about Mark Wahlberg, that Mark Wahlberg flew his private jet from L to Van Nuys and he could have taken a bus Oh, they said oh, okay. Yeah on a bus Like you just show like you could just be on a bus and he could just wear sandals Africa shut the fuck up and it's and I think it's to your point. There's a fucking resentment of it But you're so drawn to it.

There's an attention thing. Yeah. You can't like look away from it. And then I thought of Jay Leno. And that's what I was telling you earlier. Yeah, we were talking about this earlier. And I think something happens where like Jay loves cars.

He has his fucking garage full of cars. His car is everywhere. He's got 11 garages full of cars. 11. 11 warehouses. I went to it. Wait, did you do the show? I was on the show.

Yeah, I was on the show. My 65 Corvette. Yeah, see if you can find the video. Yeah, I have a 65 Corvette that's a resto mod. It's a fucking beautiful car. Have you ever seen it? No, no, no. Wait a minute, was it in the studio in LA?

Maybe. That's my car. Look at that fucking thing. Yeah, that's insane. And Jay Leno's the only person besides me that's ever driven that thing. I mean, since I bought it, rather. I've had it for like five or six years, I think.

Probably a little more than that now. So I've been out here for two. So me and Jay, we're hanging out in this video here. We're hanging out in one of his garages. One of his warehouses. He had 11... Look how I dress. what a fucking slob I am. He's wearing jeans.

Yeah, me too. But on top too. Yeah, that's right. He's wearing a jean shirt. That's what they call Canadian tuxedo. But his passion for cars is 100% organic. Look at that fucking car. I mean, it's beautiful.

That's America right there. Yeah, it's beautiful. Look at that fucking car. I mean, it's beautiful. That's America right there. Yeah, it's beautiful. Look at that fucking thing. God. I was looking at that today in the garage. I just walked around my garage and stared at it. It's beautiful. I love it.

It's America. But- 1965, son. Here's what it is. You care about it. He fucking, he cares about the car. He knows the things about the car. And when there's passion

attached to something i think that you stop judgment because he's not doing it so that other people look at it right he's doing because he loves the fucking car well he is fascinated by automobiles and he loves them so much that it comes through and one of the things that i said to him i said you are so good at hosting this show I go this is like you feel so much more natural than when you were doing tonight show and he was like oh, yeah He goes this is the real means like the Tonight Show is like I'm talking to people sometimes I don't care about their fucking show care about Keira Knightley's movie. I don't care about this movie or there's like 65 He didn't get to pick who was on right? And late night.

Late night. Late night, they bring you. Oh, you're going to have this person and that person. And then there's this band. And you've got to do your best talking to these people. To be interested in a boring actress or actor. And not only that. I was looking at Nikki Glaser's Instagram.

She was talking about sitting down with Seth Meyers. She was like, I had a great fun time for seven minutes with Seth Meyers. I'm like, seven minutes? So you flew to fucking New York to do seven minutes on this stupid thing that it's like, not that it's a stupid thing, but it's like, it's not as good. It's not as good. It's like no one's going to get to know you in seven minutes. You'll have a fun story and people go, oh, I like her.

And maybe a few more people will go see you at a comedy club. Maybe. But the reality is it's like a shit way to have a conversation. And that's what Jay was doing for the longest time. And now what Jay's doing is he has people on and he hangs out with them all day. Me and him were together for hours. So even after you're filming, are you still looking at the cars? Oh, yeah.

He took me on a tour. It's 100% real. When there was no one around, he's showing me this fucking jet engine. Oh, the Rolls Royce that has the jet engine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's got one that has a steam engine and he has one that's like a tractor but he put, it had metal

wheels that it rolls around on metal wheels and he actually had to put rubber over the metal so he could take it on the street because he drives all of them on the street he's got these cars worth a million dollars and he just drives them around waving to people and shit he's real

and when you watch it, that translates. Yes. That's what translates. Authenticity. Yeah. And that's for the first time in his career, Jay Leno exudes authenticity. You're like, oh, you're a star. When people didn't like him before because he didn't seem authentic.

Because he wasn't being authentic. And now they love him. That show gets no criticism. Jay Leno's Garage is a fucking excellent show. No one has ever said, this is too much. Right. No one has ever said, oh, you could be donating this money somewhere else. Because it's like you're taking away the thing he loves the most.

Right. You don't want to take love away from somebody. It doesn't hurt anybody that has these fucking cars. And clearly, he's not wasting the money on clothes or something stupid. Right. Exactly. He fucking wears the same thing every episode it looks ridiculous I know but that's how he dresses he doesn't give a fuck about what he looks like doesn't cares about the car he cares about those cars look like he loves cares about

they're clean yeah I think he even has like um isn't there like a way to like run them oh some of these are so old you have to run the only one staff yeah that takes care of them a full staff of mechanics like there's a bunch of but he's got he's got fabricators Yeah, you know what that means like people that make fenders and shit. He's got like big sheet metal Machine, oh, they're replacing parts. Yeah, make stuff because a lot of these things are so old They don't even have the parts from anymore. So he has Fabricators that'll make him new fenders so isn't that cool like you see somebody who okay i'll bring this to italy a little bit like i i was when i was in italy on my

honeymoon i went to amalfi and it was amazing and we'll go and then i went to the isle of capri right which was naturally beautiful it's called capri capri sorry jesus christ so uh he's a son son it's like a drink yeah the best drink so so we'reri's sun, it's like a drink. Yeah. The best drink. So we're on this island, and it's like I'm there, and I realize it feels like everyone there wants people to know they're there and wants people to look at them and look how big my yacht is and look, I'm going to buy this thing from this store. I'm going to buy that.

And when I was on Amalfi, it felt like people were there to enjoy the most beautiful coastline that could exist. And there was like this immediate, I don't know, it's stupid to call it disgust, but there was immediate like change in energy when we went for this other place. And there was probably equally wealthy people staying at this other place, but they were the type of people who aren't like, hey, look how wealthy I am. They were the type of people like, oh, this is beautiful. And and oh this restaurant over here is like absolutely gorgeous and i think you really like this experience and like there was something gross about seeing

stupid tommy hill figures yacht with the big flag you need them to know it's your yacht it can't just be a yacht tommy right you need them to know that it's the hill figure yacht right it's just like like i don't know for that right there it's a guy who loves a thing that he's doing. And there are people who probably collect toys that love what they're fucking doing. And I like seeing it. And it makes me fucking happy when I see it. And I don't care how much money you spend on it. And I'm not even going to call it waste because it's giving you fucking joy.

When I see the fucking Saudis ship all their cars to drive them around in London and it's a fucking like orange Lamborghini. Right. Like if my daughter fucks a guy who drives an orange car, I'll fucking kill myself. Like I literally mean that. Like what is the point of it?

Right? It's all just, hey, look at all, and we have a little bit of that in us. Don't get me wrong. I like attention. I do stand-up comedy. But there's,

when you see something that a guy's obsessed with. Yeah, but you like attention for your work. That's true. It's a different thing. This is obsessed with. Yeah, but you like attention for your work. That's true. It's a different thing. You like attention for the things that you create. The dance that you do on stage.

The art that you create. The comedy. The way it gets into people's minds and enhances their experience and enhances their day. And they leave talking about that joke or this joke remember when that happened and the Pakistani guy It's like you make people feel good. It makes people feel better That's a different thing than like look at what a baller I am. That's like the lowest rung of wanting attention. Yeah Yeah

It's it's like you're associating yourself with something that has this value and I'm fucking guilty of it for sure But like the the real things that I admire and the people that I admire are doing the thing that they fucking love to do. There's like an artsiness in it. And I love it, dude. And like, I don't know. And we were thinking about this. And I wonder if it's something like coming up in New York. I didn't even realize this.

But like New York is a finance city. We know it's finance and there's a lot of. But there's something artsy about it. Like even in elementary school, they're taking us to these fucking museums and we're walking around like the fuck is all this dumb shit. But like they're indoctrinating us at a young age. Like, hey, art is cool. There's different types of art.

Right. And you should enjoy this. Right. And there's something about like the people that get popular in New York. Even women in New York think like finance bros are douchey. Now they're still going to marry him, but there's a moment where they're like, oh, he's a finance bro.

There's like this, there's like this, there's a coolness factor. Like if you're good at your art, it could be painting. It could be whatever the break dancing, it could be whatever it is. You're like elevated. And I think growing up with that, seeing people who are great at what they did,

like my favorite comedian growing up wasn't the most famous. Patrice wasn't the most famous, but he was the best. And I fucking admired it. And I was like, that's the best. That's the best I've ever seen. And yeah, that is what I'm always kind of

inspired to do and create. And I still want to provide for my family, but like if it's not. You want to do great art. That's it, man. you want to do great art that's it man and it sounds weird like the old colonies art like I but it is it's a thing you create yeah I'm not afraid of that word art just like I'm not afraid of the word love you know there's a lot of people afraid of certain words because they they can have a douchey connotation to them but I think art is what it could be painting it could be like i love art

obviously if you go around my studio it's filled with art yeah yeah there's this artwork everywhere all over this place is artwork i'm fascinated by people's artwork i love it yeah i love it i think it's like the greatest thing that humans create other than other humans is these things where they express themselves through their work whether it's a book or a song or furniture like you make stuff i love engineering like that's what i love about cars i love the way they look but i love that someone created it yeah like it's it's a thing made from a person's mind. Like, we were talking about, like, custom cars,

like, why I love cars like that Corvette. I love that someone made that. Yeah. I love this fucking clock. Yeah. This clock, someone made this. I love this chimpanzee skull

that's made out of symbols. Brass, like, Zildjian symbols. It's got, like, the logo on the back. Oh, like drum symbols? Yeah, yeah, look right there. Oh, wow. See, it says Zildjian symbols. It's got like the logo on the back. Oh, like drum symbols? Yeah, yeah. Look right there. Oh, wow. See, it says Zildjian?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this dude cut this up. Shane against the machine. Yeah. On Instagram, he's the fucking shit. I've got a few pieces of his. I have, where's our army helmet? Is that in storage? Probably. Probably. We brought it back from LA. But I had on the other old desk, we had a World War II army helmet with a bayonet that he turned into a lamp.

That's not mine exactly, but it's pretty similar. But those are real helmets that they found in France in a battlefield. Apparently there's an area in France where you could find these things. They're all over the place. They're just still there. Yeah, where you could find these things are all over just still there Yeah, because these people just died and they left them there. Yeah, so many fucking people died or cleans up after war Place in France, it's as big as Paris that you can't go to because it's so toxic From all the bombs and the spent munitions. What is that find that that spot? There's a an area that is the size of Paris in France. It's uninhabitable all the bombs and the spent munitions. What is that? Find that spot.

There's an area that is the size of Paris in France. It's uninhabitable. This is- Just because of the war. World War I or II. World War II. Okay. Okay. British War II.

Either way. But still, yeah, I don't know. It's an enormous chunk of land. Look at this. The Red Zone. Zone Rouge. Yeah. Zone Rouge. Zone Rouge. Yeah.

It's a non-contagious area, non-contiguous area throughout northeastern France. The French government isolated after World War I, First World War. That's the trench. The land, which originally covered more than 1,200 square kilometers Yeah Was deemed too physically and environmentally damaged By conflict for human habitation Yeah Rather than attempt to immediately clean up this former battlefield The land was allowed to return to nature

Restrictions within the zone rouge still exist today Although the control areas have been greatly reduced Yeah Yeah, just fucking devastated by bombs and shit. Yeah. And so this dude, Shane Against the Machine, go to his Instagram page so you can see some of his work. He went there to get...

He does a lot of dope shit with metal. He's an artist. I have like this really cool skull at home. Like look at this cool hummingbird he made. Look how badass that is. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean his work is fucking incredible. Just really dope

shit that this guy does so i think that we have like a natural attraction to to purity and art and things people create yeah and and i think that you can tell the difference like i think like for example like uh mcdonald's is an business, and they've made this incredible workflow and completely top-down integration. It's basically like a land-owning company. To make this business was unbelievable. Right. That being said, the quality of the food, which is consistent, which is important, is great. But you're not going, wow, man, that was the best meal I've ever had. But then sometimes you have meals and you're like, you fucking love this so much.

Like I think partially that's why we're drawn to sushi is you see how delicate they're putting together these like a piece of nigiri, right? And there's like a single flake of a thing. And you're like, I think a little part of me is just going you love this bro you fucking love this yeah you're shaving truffles onto that thing and adding caviar to the top and salmon roe and it's nice to see somebody passionate about it and that's that's the italian thing also i think it's like i don't know just culturally and i wonder if we get there too, but this culture has existed for thousands. Italy is young, right? Italy is, what, 1947 is when we get Italy?

What? Italy, the country, is post-World War II, right? It's the Italian Republic or whatever it is. What was it before then? 1847, it was a monarchy, I think. And then before 1847- Oh, so as a government. But when was it named Italy?

I don't know. You can look that up. I feel it. I think 1847, it was like the papal estates or something like that. And I think for like a thousand years, it existed under that jurisdiction. And then 1947, I think we have modern, right? So Italy, as we know it, is younger than America. Right.

But culturally, they're thousands of years old. The food, the interaction, just the way of life. We stayed in Ravello. Ravello's fucking amazing. Ravello's amazing. It's amazing. I'm a big fan of Gore Vidal, and Gore Vidal used to live in Ravello. That's where he did a lot of his writing.

He lived in Ravello, had this house just overlooked off a cliff, overlooked the bay, and did some of his great writing there. Did you read Gore Vidal's uh thing on Venice he wrote a book about that no I didn't yeah yeah he's interesting he's good I like oh he was amazing yeah um but he uh anyway this uh church across from where we're staying is uh over a thousand years old it's the one in Ravello or the one in Amalfi one in R in Ravella. Okay. And then underneath the church is a church so old, they don't even know who made it. They don't know how old it is. And there's a glass floor, and you could look down into this older church. So they built this new church that's a fucking thousand years old on top of an old church.

So that's from my Instagram page. Oh, wow. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. The church of Revelle is a thousand years old and sits on top of the ruins of a far older church. It's a glass floor. You can look down at the old one.

The people that work there say they have no idea how old the original ruins are. Yeah. It was dope as fuck, dude. But you could just walk around and look down. And see thousands of years of human history. This is like how many fucking generations of humans? And there's these paintings on the wall. And there's one of them was a painting of what they thought was a whale.

But? But like they didn't know what a whale looked like. So they had this like image of a whale. It's in that group group of photos I think around the same time Jamie I took a it's like in that same time this is 204 weeks ago yeah I found off Google I couldn't get back oh but there was a photo of a fucking whale and it's the weirdest looking thing it looks like a fish or like a human face it's like it's so strange looking but it's like these people

had this version of the world there it is look at that I mean what the fuck is that it's got feet wild right swallowing a human

it's like Ari Shafir it looks like Ari it does look like Ari Shafir. It looks like Ari. It does look like Ari. Ari getting eaten by a whale. But yeah, I don't know. You can just walk by something that's a thousand years old there and it's just out in the open. Okay, so why is that so compelling?

Because it's history. I mean, it's also, it's a window into the- Humanity, right? Yeah, what happens to humanity over time. Yeah. Like, one of my favorite things was the Coliseum, because you walk around there and you're like, how fucking wild were these people? They used to fill that place up with water and have boat fights. They would stab each other from boats, and everybody would go, ho, ho, ho, more wine,

let me fuck kids. And they were? They were fucking kids, ho, ho, ho, more wine. Let me fuck kids. And they were. They were fucking kids. Yeah. They were fucking everybody back then. Everybody. Like there's that brothel in Pompeii that's like preserved. Have you seen this?

I went to Pompeii. Okay. I don't remember the brothel though. So they, you know, all the things that everyday life are preserved. And I think Pompeii was kind of like, I think, what do you say? It's like, I think Yana said it was like the Hamptons for like people in rome oh really so it was like their their getaway wow and like they have pictures on the wall of the brothel you can probably get it up of the sex acts that you can do oh and it was gnarly shit bro like fucked up shit right

let me see some pictures here. Also, big pasty broads. What do you got there, Jamie? Not a lot. I can't tell. Oh, look at that. What is that? That's a girl with a strap on banging a dude in the ass. What is that? I think she's got a tail or something.

What is it in her hand? A whip. Is that a whip? I have no clue what's going on. A mustache? Yeah. What is that? Yeah, it's people banging people.

Is that two dudes? Like, it's people banging people. Is that two dudes? Like, what's going on? I think that's a girl on top. She's just thick. Yeah, look, he's got his cock out. She's about to get on board. Wild.

He's eating box, dude. Yeah, that's, wow. I wonder when they first ate pussy. I mean, look at that. A dude's banging a dude who's banging a girl. Interesting. They're getting wild back then. Dudes bang dudes.

And that's something you could order. Some people say these were the menus because not everybody could read. Oh, the menu. So you put the picture up, right? Yeah, yeah. Give me that. Oh, like the double-double. Yeah.

Give me one on the butt and two on the top and suck my cock. Okay. So here's... So what if... Okay. Crazy. Is this the example of... And I don't want this to get too weird, but like technology has increased over time, obviously. Now we have phones and that kind of stuff.

Yeah. But like what we indulge in, in our acceptance, we might get to the end of it and then we restart. So we don't have cell phones yet, but they might've got to the point where it's like, yo, dude, fuck another dude that girl's eating a goat's pussy and then whatever it is. And that's just on the menu. And then eventually I think humans go, all right, buddy, this is getting too far. Right. And I wonder if that was like Catholicism coming in. I wonder if the Catholicism was just like, all right, it's, it's getting, it's enough. You're fucking animals. There's everybody's fucking a little kid. Like we need some sort of sweeping control and some rules. Now here's where it gets fucked up. Stop the boy fucking, you're fucking too many

kids. Everybody's fucking kids. Like every painter has a little kid that they're fucking. Michael Stavros had a funny joke. This Stavros Hulk is, is really funny. He goes, uh, they always talk about canceling R. Kelly. Like we haven't canceled Pythagoras. It's like we could separate the art from the artists there, you know? And they were all fucking little kids. Or Socrates. Socrates. All of them.

Fucking little kids, right? So what if Catholicism comes in and actually regulates and is the stop fucking kids religion and then fast forward 2,000 years and they're just known for fucking the kids. But the way they fuck the kids is a little bit more, we fuck them, but it's old school. Yeah, yeah, we don't talk about it. It's not on the menu. We occasionally fuck kids.

We just don't do it all day long like everybody else, you fucking animals. And if we find out someone's fucking kids, we'll move them somewhere else. Yeah, we'll take them to some place where- Keep letting them fuck kids. Yeah. But what if that's what happens?

What if, no matter how progressive you are, eventually over time you become the bigot Because that's just how society works like the hippies of the 60s probably right now. We're going What do you mean people are chopping off their dicks? You know I'm saying but they were the hippies Right and I and I wonder if like that is that's what I really get excited by when I'm when I'm in like Rome I'm seeing you get to see like history in front of you you're having dinner in front of the fucking pantheon you know like and it's just well i think people are always looking for to resolve conflicts and they're looking to

improve their life and they're looking to improve society and when you you do that over the course of time, and then you take into account surplus and luxury and time. You don't have to worry about being eaten by wolves, and you have a lot more money than other people because you live in this castle, and you're a king, and you want everybody to eat your shit in front of you. Nobody's telling you what to do. Yeah. You start to indulge in whatever you want to do yeah you start to right indulge in whatever you want and if nobody can check that indulgence it starts to get weird like i'm not one of these like we got to get rid of porn like fucking porn's great do whatever you want but like how close are we to just dad fucks a daughter and is that too much like when does it

become too much porn where to a mother and her daughter do porn together with a guy. I mean, like, isn't that, like? It's sad, but it's also, like, this is what we do as humans. Like, we indulge. We want the dopamine hit. We go further. We go further. We go further.

Right. And then I think eventually, societally, there's this sweeping correction. I imagine maybe it happened in Egypt. I imagine it probably happened in Italy. Like, I think these things end up happening, and I just wonder how far you go, how long that takes before that, you know, before that club comes down. One of the things that happens is you get to a point where, and I think this is where society is headed. recognize that our animal instincts, our human reward systems, our need for ego, our need for control, our need for lust and revenge and all those things, they get in the way of ultimate progress. Our ultimate progress is achieving enlightenment, right? Evolving and transcending

this physical monkey body and becoming a part of like this cosmic awareness. So how do we do that? We do that by abandoning our genitals. We're going to have to get past our desire to breed using sexual intercourse, and people will eventually breed just by some sort of genetic manipulation. Oh, you think we'll stop fucking? Yes. Really? Yes, I think that's what the aliens are.

When you see aliens, they're almost there. You've never seen an alien with a giant dick, like, what's up? I've never seen an alien. Come down here to fuck everybody. But alien, like the archetypal alien that you see. What if Lazar said that? They all have giant hogs. There's an extra piece in the spaceship.

They have three hogs. It's crazy. Yeah. They have three hogs. They all have three hogs. Yeah, they fuck three different people at once. I think that's... When you see the aliens, they have no muscles.

They have no genitals. They have these spindly arms and these giant heads. I think that's where we're going. Even if aliens aren't real, I think what it represents to us is like this is like if you take where we are now and you extrapolate. You go further into the future. You say, well, where is this going to go? Well, that's where it's going to go. If you go back to Neanderthal, they were this hulkish, covered in hair, super muscular, dense, thick bones. And then you go to the modern man.

Modern man, like the average person that works in an office, their fucking little pot belly, little tiny arms. Michael Cera. Yeah, yeah. Back hurts all the time. This is like where the human body is going. And then it eventually will transcend that to become some sort of hybrid of machine and biology. So you subscribe to we're going to be like trans-humanoid, I think is the term. Yes, trans-humanist. And some people say we already are with our phone. Yeah, we already are

We're already some sort of a cyborg We definitely are and this becoming attached to carrying a device around will make open the door to it becoming a part of your body What is the argument against that? Like what do people say that push back against that? You know outside of the religious argument just think the fucking if you go back in time to ancient man They would say I prefer to like hang out in trees and throw shit at each other. I don't want a car. What are you, an asshole? You could die in a car accident.

You know what I mean? It's like change is inevitable and progress is inevitable and innovation seems to be an inherent part of what it means to be a human being. It's like how you and I are interested in art. Well, art is creation. Innovation is also creation are interested in art. Well, art is creation. Innovation is also creation. Innovation is art. Like this phone is art. Yeah, 100%.

I mean, it might have been made by slaves, and it was for sure. If it's good. But this thing is the designers. It's horrible who had to put it together in a fucking awful factory in China. But the design of this is so pleasing to the eyes. It's gorgeous. So it's a piece of art. I mean, it's mass produced and everything, and it's just, but this is a piece of art. This iPhone is a piece of fucking art. It's gorgeous. If you saw this 20 years ago, you'd be like, what the fuck is that? And then if you could

watch videos on it, you'd be like, if you just saw, I mean, we don't think of ourselves as being much different than people who like, you know, today it's 2022. If you could go back to just 2002, there was nothing like that. I had a phone in 2002. 2002 was when Fear Factor was around. I had a little tiny flip phone. Yeah.

The razor. Yeah. I had one of those. You know that photo that I have of that prostitute that has her tit out? No. You know that photo that was in the bathroom of the old studio? No, bring that up. I was at Fear Factor.

It was downtown LA. And I was in downtown LA and we were filming. And this lady walks by and I'm standing out there with my phone. I don't know if I was making a phone call or what, but she had a meatball sandwich in her hand. And she pulls out her tit. She goes, you want some of this? Like this. And I just hold my camera up and I took a photo.

And it's such a perfect photo. That's the photo. I love it. Dude, that looks like we posed. But it looks like we worked this out, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. That lady just walked by.

Look, that's a production truck behind her, a tractor trailer. Oh, wow. And I just took a photo of her with a flip phone. I mean, this had to be 2003 or something like that. Fire. And I've had that photo forever. And then we got it like blown up and now it's a it's on the wall But that was like a phone from 2003. Mm-hmm That was a good as it could get I was blown away. Look at this. That was like a one megapixel camera

Oh, look at this. Are we living? in the greatest transformation in history ever more so than printing press more so than yes telephone by far okay more so than anything more so than flight yes like more so than anything and and the people that lived before printing press and then during yes like i even think kids right now who are like 19 don't understand what we've experienced. Right. Because we grew up without the internet.

No internet. Right. Saw internet transform. Right. Just telephone at home. Right. Like, if you didn't have call waiting, it's just a busy, like, kids don't even know what a busy signal is. Right.

Isn't that interesting? That is wild. Like, you sent me the voicemail. Fuck. You're lucky. Yeah. What do you mean? What a joy.

You can tell me whaticemail. Fuck. You're lucky. Yeah. What do you mean? What a joy. You can tell me what you wanted. Yeah. Like, and you know how, like, when you hear about this throughout history, like, the big changes happen, there's, like, great rejection of these changes. Yeah. I think we've handled it pretty fucking well. Like, we've embraced this change. Well, because these changes provide you so much excitement and so much of a dopamine rush.

You know, it's easy because you're addicted. And it's like, oh, you know, these changes, like we've embraced Adderall. It's because we're addicted to it. So maybe that's how you get, if that's how you make change, you make sure it benefits the people. Like Amazon has changed the way that we consume goods. Yes. And it might be killing the mom and pop shop, but it benefits us so much. We're like, I'm not going to complain. a union okay but no not a union is it uh what

is the monopoly monopoly but it doesn't matter to me because i get things so conveniently and so cheaply so it's like if you want to move us in whatever direction make sure you nurture us whereas before during like monarchies it was like this is is it's gonna be this right and you gotta fucking deal with let him eat cake let him eat motherfucking cake yeah do you know what cake was by the way it wasn't cake no it wasn't cake you're talking about the marie antoinette quote right okay it was like what's left over from making bread like the little crusts and stuff oh so that quote is completely taken out of context yeah Yeah, it's not cake. Because the quote was give them bread. Make sure that's true.

But I'm pretty sure that's what that was. I'm pretty sure a let them eat cake meant the leftover scraps of bread that were left over when you put the batter into the cake tray, the bread tray, and it spilled over into the

oven. I think that was the cake. The remnants of the bread that you could scrape out of the bottom of the pan, that was cake. So it was the scraps. Because the way the story's told is they're like, Marie Antoinette is like, well if they're starving, give them bread. And then they're like, there's no more bread. Well then give them cake.

Like she was so removed from poverty. Kind of both, almost, is what I'm reading. We'll put it up so we can read it. Because it was brioche, so there's a difference. Yeah, but it's just bread. Brioche is bread, bro. Luxury bread. But it's fucking bread. It says it was considered luxury food.

Yeah, but it's still bread. But still, imagine being in a bubble. Brioche, a bread enriched with butter and eggs. Considered a luxury food. The quote was taken to reflect the princess' frivolous disregard for serving peasants or her poor understanding of their plight. While the phrase is commonly attributed to Marie Antoinette, there are references to it prior to the French Revolution, meaning it is impossible for the quote to have originated from Antoinette and is unlikely that it was spoken by her. But what is, when they talk about the scraps, is that true?

Is that accurate? Don't know. Google let them eat cake referred to scraps left over from the making of bread. Because I think that's How do we get another ice cube in here?

We know a guy? Jamie, we know a guy? You want a little top off? Thank you, sir. A little Japanese whiskey. Oh, Jesus, someone's trying to get me hammered. Hey, bro, we're going to have some fun. We're talking history now.

Yeah, we always have fun. You know the... Yeah, I don't know. Another article about the meaning of... Another one? The real story behind Let Them Eat Cake. It says the same thing as the brioche stuff. But does it...

Cake doesn't refer... See if you can find that, because I did read an article that said it was even grosser than let it meet cake. It was more disrespectful. Cake tastes good. Yeah. That she was referring to. But apparently if they're saying let them eat cake wasn't even her phrase, that it was an older phrase. Versailles was a letdown.

Was it? That's where she said that. And that's, I think, where they that and uh that's i think where they like stormed her and her husband but like you didn't think it was cool no it was it was like kitschy and like i don't know it was all it was just unimpressive i didn't i didn't like yeah what was the most impressive thing in europe rome was the most magnificent city i think and i haven't been to greece because I think everything from like that, what is that period of time called antiquity?

I think that, I think from that period is probably the most impressive. But being in Rome, like in America, when we have like ancient sites, we kind of like block them off a little bit, right? Like it's not only like pay a fee to get in. It's more like we have to protect it. This could go wrong.

Rome is like- You walk around on it. You're literally sitting in front of the Colosseum. You can touch it if you want. There's nothing stopping you from being immersed in this ancient world. And to me, that was the most profound feeling I've ever had in a city. Paris, to me, is the most overrated city. And I went there thinking it was going to be awesome.

The food is insane. They get dessert because they use butter, and the Italians don't get dessert because it's just olive oil. They just don't understand butter. Tiramisu. Tiramisu kind of sucks, bro. What? It's my favorite.

It's kind of... I mean, go get like real French dessert, man. Like what? Any of the patisserie stuff, like any of the kind of like baked goods they're incorporating, like the cream and just- I'd be hungry. Yeah, it's amazing. But the Italians, and the Italians stole all the shit from the Greeks.

That's the other thing about like you're in, when you're in Rome and you're like learning about it, you're like, oh, cultural appropriation just happens when shit is hot. That expression sucks. It sucks, dude. I don't like it. I'm not using it. Humans take the cool shit. It's just a way for people to control other people and try to say, that's mine.

Meanwhile, it's not yours. It's a whole culture's. Yes. The idea that only Jamaican people can cook Jamaican food, shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. And the curries come from India. Yeah. And people get mad at folks that fall in love with other cultures and get really interested

in whatever the fuck it is that they make. You know, like if someone's making Italian food, but they're actually from Spain, people get angry. Like there's this guy, Rick Bayless. He's actually Skip Bayless's brother. Skip Bayless's brother. He's like a renowned chef, right? Yeah, he's a famous Mexican chef.

Yeah. But he's a white guy. Yeah. And people hate on him. Yeah. Because he's got this incredible Mexican restaurant in Chicago. But this guy is in love with Mexican cuisine. Yeah.

And I've been following his videos for years. I mean, he's like a genuine connoisseur of Mexican culture and Mexican food. Yeah. And they hate on him. Yeah. All the fucking woke dorks. Yeah. They get mad.

Because they don't know. They probably don't know how. This colonizer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my favorite. Did you see that video from Portland where this fucking fat dude is yelling at this woke lady? You fucking colonizer.

To go back where you came from. He's like, I'm Native American. Where do you want me to go? What does this mean? Colonizer. It's just like, stop talking. I think that's, there are a few terms you could use nowadays to like just stop somebody from talking or stop somebody from maybe profiting on something. No, they just want to stop the argument and win.

I don't want to debate you. They wanted the nuclear option. Yes, yes, yes. They drop a colonizer on you. Boom. You're a Nazi. Colonizer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I didn't mean to colonize. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. She's not a colonizer. She was born in 1995. Fuck are you saying? The fuck are you saying? Yeah, shut the fuck up, but that's all an eyes or she was born in 1995 The fuck are you saying no one's colonizing in 95 you fucking asshole. That's the thing man, by the way, you're sloppy Yeah, you're sloppy in the way you talk. You're sloppy in your arguments. You're yelling at her to try to intimidate her

You're just gross. Yeah, it was just wokeness in the grossest form possible. In a vacuum. Yeah, yeah. Untouched wokeness. Screaming at some lady while you did some douchey shit in traffic and you want to divert from the fact that you're an asshole by calling her a colonizer. That's really what it is. You divert from your own actions. You could just call somebody something, make them radioactive, then you don't have to discuss

anything with them, and then you could just be an asshole. Yeah, well that guy's a sloppy dude. He's probably sloppy at everything he does. Yeah. Just lazy and sloppy, and that's why he's yelling at her, calling her a colonizer. It's just a sloppy way to think. It's so embarrassing.

I bet that guy sucks at everything he does. I bet he sucks at eating pussy. I bet he can't play baseball. I bet he sucks at chess. I bet he just sucks. There. I bet he sucks at chess. I bet he just sucks. There's no way that guy's really good at anything. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why we still do comedy.

This is your Larry David moment. You still are affected by the world. Oh, yeah. And we need to talk about it. Oh, yeah. And we are irked and we're pushed. Well, it's interesting because we have foes now know and wokeness is a foe of comedy Yeah, it's diametrically opposed to comedy, and it's absolutely killed comedy movies Yeah, many movies are fucking dead and buried

Unfortunately yeah, it's hard to make a good comedy movie today kids well fucking hard You might be able to make one and then put it out yourself. Yeah. And then make some money on it. Yeah, you could do that. I think that. Like Shane Gillis style. Yo, Shane's sketch series was absolutely phenomenal.

Oh, I want to show you this one that hasn't been released yet. This is from season two? No, no, no. This new one that hasn't been released yet. I think season two he's going to put out. Gillian Keeves is the series. Yes. So I think that it's going to come out soon.

I don't know about seasons. There's no season. They don't have a network. It's nonsense. They're trapped in the old paradigm. But the point is, he's got one that he sent me. There's a new edit of this Trump one. Can we watch it? No, no, no. Should I text him and ask him if we can watch it? No, no, no. We can't. We can't. It's not done yet. He's still editing it. When it comes out, we'll show it. It's so goddamn funny. He's great, man. It's so funny yeah it's so goddamn funny he's great it's so funny he's so funny it's about trump it's about trump and hitler that's all i'm gonna say it's so funny man like i was watching it and i was like crying laughing oh my god oh my god

jesus fucking christ dude he's got you could never my point is like whatever what he's doing you could never do if you had to run it by someone who was like a production company for for a movie in 2022 but they would never let you but this is the good thing about the internet right now and this is like why you got to take advantage of it is that because there's a void there isn't a void in interest right human beings still want it like they still love hilarious shit they know you know they know it's just fun i put out a comedy special on a fucking website nobody knows what the fuck it is people are like mirroring it from their laptops hundreds of thousands of people are watching it that shouldn't happen right if the streamers are doing their job if you're doing

your job and putting out great content that's easy for people to access, I shouldn't be able to sell a single fucking one. Well, I don't know if that's true. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. Here's why I don't think that's true. Because you've already established that you're very funny. And that's the only way they can get your comment. On YouTube, on Instagram. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It's like the fact that the

streamers didn't, it's not that they didn't do their job. They have a fucking billion hours of content. And they can't get people to watch it. No, they can. They can't, Joe. Lots of people watch Ricky Gervais' special. Lots of people watch Chappelle's special. Ricky Gervais is a grandfathered-in, bona fide superstar. What about the new people? Christina

Pazitsky's special killed it. Christina murdered it. She did. Murdered it. But Christina also has her own platform where she can generate interest. That's true. But you do too. I've done Netflix and I've done YouTube. Anybody who's done Netflix and YouTube knows the difference in terms of what they give you. And you can talk to any comic who's been on this show

or you can talk to them off the show and ask them your career, how you access the people. Like we know hilarious comics who have stuff on YouTube, not YouTube, on Netflix that nobody's seen. Literally they can't get people to see it. So it's like, that is a problem. That is a big problem and the algorithm there

is just not as good as the YouTube algorithm. No, YouTube algorithm is the best. Nothing beats it. Nothing beats it. Nothing beats it. Nothing.

So it's like, they know what you want. They have so much fucking data. YouTube is Google. Yeah. The two biggest search engines in the world are the same. Right.

YouTube's second. Google's first. They're both working together to give you the exact things that you want. But what you did is put some stuff on YouTube and then use that, the fame that you got from that, and then transfer it to this new thing. And then that new thing, which is just your website, it takes off and it becomes hugely successful that you're just releasing your own thing your own way and with help from my friends like you obviously and other people that want to push this and want to make this happen like that's huge that's an amazing thing about today is that we're all in this together we're

publicists we're all publicists bro it's like and we have an organic network and we like when Shane puts something out I go Shane give me the clip yeah people need to see this yes and we do that for one another because we fucking we're like little art bitches that's what we are we love fucking good art and we want to put it out there and we want to showcase it we want to give people platforms and that's I don't know

that's an exciting thing and you don't probably give yourself enough credit but like I think your benevolence has made other people go this is what you have to do and I say that every single time I talk to you but it's important that you know these things think your benevolence has made other people go this is what you have to do and I said every single time I talked to you but it's important that you know these things that comedy and entertainment in general was a very selfish endeavor people are fighting for scraps they were fighting for cake right it's like I need this role I need how can I beat out this person

and you started something that made people go oh shit wait you can be more successful if like you help out the other guy that's successful? Well, you just can't think of it like, once you have enough, you have enough. Nobody in entertainment thinks like that. Who goes, I have enough? MGM goes, I have enough? It's foolish.

It's foolish. Weinstein didn't think he had enough pussy? Right. Well, that's a different thing, right? He's so gross. Yes. He's fucking disgusting. He's banging those girls.

He's disgusting. He probably couldn't believe it worked. Every time he got a starlet to suck his dick. He's like, again? And he had a horrible dick. Do you know his dick, he had a disease where his dick was half rotted off? No. Yeah.

One of the women who had sex with him, when she saw his dick, she thought he was trans. She thought something was wrong with it. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. had sex with him when she saw his dick she thought he was trans she thought something was wrong oh yeah yeah he had like a he's got a disease where his dick is like rotting off there's so god was stepping in god was just like hey if we get rid of it if we chop it off he can't keep doing it oh my god imagine if god the creators. Maybe it's just his own horrible conscience. Maybe that too. But maybe that's built into the design. Making... The one thing, if a

guy is thinking with his dick, the worst thing that could happen is his dick rotting off. Then he can't do the bad thing. Just chunks of it falling off. Falling constantly. It's a crazy disease, bro. You gotta see this disease. Google Harvey Weinstein's dick disease. Wait till you...

He's gotta do this on his laptop and now he's flagged. Jamie has Googled art from 2,000 years ago and Harvey Weinstein's rotten cock. That's the beauty of this show. It's the best. It can go anywhere. But yeah.

I don't know. So this is Harvey Weinstein's deformed penis explained. Look at him. He looks like a deformed dick. Just a fucking rotten guy. Maybe it's why he was so testy. Harvey Weinstein suffers from acute infection. An acute infection that contributed to his deformed penis,

according to a recent report on the convicted rapist, a disgraced movie mogul's deformed genitalia is a result of a life-threatening bacterial infection known as Fournier's gangrene. He is gangrene. Gangrene of the cock. The infection can strike middle-aged men

and diabetics. Well, he's probably diabetic. Weinstein, yeah, 68, is both. When bacteria enters through a cut or scratch in the genitals and spreads through the bloodstream, some patients require skin grafts, but more extreme cases, such as Weinstein's, require an operation to remove the testicles. There it is. The deformity was first revealed in court when actress Jessica Mann, one of Weinstein's accusers, said she felt compassion for Weinstein after she saw his deformed genitalia,

which appeared to have scarring as if from burns in his nether region. According to writer Phoebe Eaton, whose three-part series on Weinstein featured the current issue of Air Mail, Mann said that her first impression was that Weinstein might be intersex when she saw the deformity. impression was that Weinstein might be intersex when she saw the deformity. Jurors at Weinstein's New York rape trial early this year were shown nude pictures of the disgraced movie mogul, including a full frontal shot showing his deformed penis. Among the side effects of the illness is erectile dysfunction. So why don't we like- You want to see that?

Yeah. I would love to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would absolutely love to see it. Oh, yeah. Wait, yeah, yeah. I would absolutely love to see it. Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. Go back there. Go back there before you do that.

Look at this. His assistants were often dispatched to secure caverject, a drug that is directly injected into the penis before intercourse that can cause an erection. Yo! So here's the crazy thing about him. He wasn't even horny, right? Because he wasn't getting it up. He wasn't like, oh, I'm trying to fuck all the time.

He was so crazy that he was injecting his dick. And maybe the injections were what caused the infection in the first place. Because he's sticking a needle in his cock. Okay, images. Yo! Yo, yo, yo. No, keep it up. No, keep that up. Don't you take that down, you son of a bitch. And everybody that's listening to audio only, tune into the video.

Fournier's gangrene. I don't even think I can show this. No, he can't show this. He can't show this. You just have to look it up yourself. Yeah. But look at these images. This is insanity.

Yeah, this is repulsive, dude. This is fucking repulsive. Wow. I mean, there's just a gaping hole on that one to the right. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is horrific. And this is what you get when you're out here raping women.

Simple as that. Oh, my God. Hey, listen. Some cultures call it karma. Jesus Christ. I have to pretend this is like a horror movie so I can block this. Look at that one with this guy where you see his hip bone. Go to that one.

I can't. Click on it, bitch. Which one? The one with the hip bone. To the right of your cursor. You know where it is, motherfucker. One more right. Keep going.

Next one. That one. Bam. Click on that one. That's his hip bone, son. Oh my god. Oh boy. I'm starting to shake. That's his hip bone son oh my god oh boy starting to shake that's the hip bone poking through the fucking skin i mean it looks like he got bit by a shark yeah i mean

that is just repulsive dude oh this is what happens bro i'm just look pompeii there were fucking animals and shit volcano erupts yeah i'm just maybe sometimes there's some justice if there was an island and rich ladies went and Russian boys ate their pussy Would you even be mad at all? Like if it wasn't an Epstein's Island, let me think let me think less mad for sure less mad for sure if it was like McGillicuddy Island and I'm There's a lady named Karen McGillicuddy.

And Karen McGillicuddy, she secured a bunch of these Russian gigolos, these underage boys, most of them like 16, 17, but they had fine working cocks. Right. And they serviced these rich ladies. A lot of these rich ladies whose husbands left them money, but the husbands were assholes and they cheated on them and left him billions of dollars so these ladies would skirt off to an island near the Bahamas and These guys would be flown in and they would dress up like sailors and just go down on their pussies

We wouldn't feel as bad. I wouldn't feel bad at all Not only you know what it is the age for it being fucked up to boys is younger Well also yeah at a certain age, you would feel uncomfortable. If there were nine-year-old boys on that island, you'd go, these bitches need to die. But 16-year-old boys? Eh. They'll be fine. Maybe that's what we need to acknowledge.

Boy age is just lower. It's different. It's fucking different. It's different. Yeah, it's fucking different. Are they manipulating these boys and making them do something yes but for whatever reason we're less protective yeah 100 yeah like we kind of look at like a 16 year old boy as an adult in certain situations like if a 16 year old boy like is around his mother and his mother is being like disrespected you're like hey you're not a boy you're an adult go protect your mother what the fuck you doing

it's very different i don't put that on a 16-year-old girl. The mother should protect that girl. And maybe that's like baked in sexism or something. But no, yeah, we look at a younger, a boy differently. Yeah, we look at boys very, very differently. Especially if it's female to male. Male to male. Different.

Different. Different, right. We look at that boy being objectified by a male, because we look at the males being the ... They're the villains. Isn't that interesting? Because they want to penetrate with their cock. Penetration is- There's a big difference between someone penetrating you versus you penetrating them.

You and you licking them. Yeah, or licking them, or even sticking your cock inside of them. If the woman wants you to stick... I had a bit about this. It was a bit that I think they made me remove from one of my specials. It was a Comedy Central special. I don't remember. Are they still around? They were around when I did this. This was-

The bit was- It was almost 10 years ago. The bit was that if you see, like, a high school football coach that gets arrested because he was having sex with girls in the high school, you'd be like, that fucking piece of shit. That motherfucker needs to go to jail. But if you see some hot teacher

in Florida getting taken away in handcuffs because she was banging a bunch of football players, the first thing you'd think is, which one of those pussies told his mom? And they didn't want it Like it was that my boy If that was my boy He was crying on TV

I'd be like get in the fucking car What are you doing why'd you tell your mom Listen to me bro You know what's funny We all knew we wanted to fuck our teachers a little Like that's where it really comes from We knew that there were certain teachers, like the young teachers. Like, when I was going to school, they started having, like, assistant teachers that were, like, 20.

Yeah. And you're like, what are you doing around me? You're three years older than me. You know what I'm saying? You might get it talking like that to me. You totally get it. I remember once I went to a bar, and my teacher was at the bar. Whoa.

And in, you know, New York, you have a fake ID. When you're younger, we're going out to bars and clubs. And we were fucking drinking. With the teacher? With the teacher. I was like, yo, we should. She was assistant teacher. But I was like, we shouldn't be doing this.

How old was she? Probably 22, maybe. It's like right after you graduate. And I was 18, I think, in my senior year. So what were you thinking? I was like, what was I thinking, John? I was like, I'm trying to get molested let's make some headlines baby they just arrested a teacher the other day some hot lady with a fucking one wonky eye it was just always like something wrong with them just slightly off

but in that like that's like the honest conversation that like is hard for people to digest that the rules are they're different they're different yeah and maybe and you don't have the problem is that like we know the rules are different so then some lunatic comes on and they like stretch the fact that the rules are different and then people start to listen to them because they're making a little bit of sense but if we had just a little bit more wiggle room in things i don't think the extremists even exist. The fact that everything's so rigid, only the loudest voices come out.

If we just listened a little bit more to both sides, any fucking debate, abortion, anything like that, if we just listen a little bit more and we're like, yeah, I kind of get where they're coming from a little bit. You don't get the extreme voices. But when nobody's heard, the loudest voices are the only ones that make noise. It's also people digging their heels and defend their side and never want to look at how other people see things.

Yeah, because it's so tribal, dude. It's like people like, and this is something even like with the special. I had a lot of people reaching out asking me to come on their shows. And I'm like, political shows. Political shows? Yeah, and I'm like, I don't want to be mascotted hmm do you know what I'm saying oh like right-wing yeah exactly and I told them on right wing it's always right they won't call but it's crazy because what I said is I would only do

one if I had the opposite to balance it and I go I appreciate the support but you gotta understand if I do, I'll be mascotted. And then people will make this about a political thing when it's comedy. I'm loyal to the jokes. My side is comedy.

Your side is comedy. When we're doing standup, it's not like, we're gonna change the world. It's what's the funniest thing to say. Sometimes it is, that teacher fucking, the student is funny yeah that's

the funny thing yeah the 16 year old boy getting some pussy from his teacher that's funny that's funny objectively funny why'd you tell your mom high school football coach fucking a 15 year old girl not not funny make you angry that makes you pissed off yeah so it's like 35 year old man 15 year old girl you violent fuck that guy we got to get him out of here right like we got a 35 year old woman hot big cans how is that 15 year old boy did you come did i did you come well then what the fuck are you crying about did she suck your dick was it hard what are you saying i'm just saying yeah here's the thing i actually think like i know this sounds crazy but like i actually think there's like a little bit of like heroism in those women that do that because like they know no 16 year old boy can satisfy them sexually like

at 16 I was busting off yeah but once but you could bust off four or five times in a row once you get that second one in you but here's here's where you you. Second nut, I'm a champion. You can fucking last a little. But here's where you get upset. If you found out your 15-year-old... So many women are judging us on our first nuts. Listen, back in the day, you had to come quick because a leopard might

eat you. Why did I learn this excuse at 38? Babe, there's leopards around. It's built in. That's true. It's built into the human. You had to come quick. You didn't have enough time to be romancing. Bro, it's not our fault.

No, nature built us this way. And it didn't build women needing to come to get pregnant. Right. If it built women needing to come to get pregnant, they'd come quick too. Yeah. Do you know they taught me that in high school? Wait, what? That women have orgasms when men ejaculate inside of them.

So now you're just busting in chicks? In the 1980s. That's crazy. That's how dumb sex education was in the 1980s. That's crazy. They taught us that. I remember. I know I'm not remembering this wrong. Because I remember being in high school.

And I think I was like 14 or 15 years old going, I don't think that's right. No, dude. My limited understanding of orgasms have never been around one. I never made a girl cum. I never had sex. But I kind of understood sex have never been around one. I'd never made a girl come. I'd never had sex. But I kind of understood sex, and I'd seen porn, and I'd seen magazines and stuff. And I'm like, I don't think that's it. I don't think that's right.

And I remember a buddy of mine was telling me, yeah, a girl can't even come unless you come inside of her. I was like, man, this just seems sus. This seems very suspect. Like like this is like that's how you have teenage pregnancy but it's just right like if you learn that in school right you're gonna nut in these girls yeah oh yeah yeah yeah like that's the worst thing you could tell a teenager who's feeling insecure and wants to satisfy a girl and now he's gonna take the ultimate sacrifice yeah and the first time like a girl came with me

It was like me going down on my girlfriend when she was like 16 and I was 16 And I was like, well obviously the fuck I didn't come inside her. This is bullshit But I'm like you sure you came like Do you remember those days where you weren't like did you remember the first time a girl made me orgasm from a blow job i nutted so hard my ears rang i've never had that since i was like my ears were like heroin i've been chasing that monkey ever since i'll never forget this dude when i was younger this i'm really young i learned what jerking off was but I didn't come yet. I'm no bullshit. I would jerk my dick in the shower Stop I would pee and then I would put my finger in front of the pee and then I taste my

Finger to see I was like well is this come? Swear to God I swear to God in my life. I was tasting off my finger Because I didn't know what an orgasm was. I didn't know the feeling. You don't know the feeling yet, so there's no way to understand it. And then I remember the first time I actually did cum, and I was like, I don't even need to taste that.

I remember one of the first times that I had sex with my girlfriend in high school. I pulled out and I shot a load in my face. In your own? In my own face. Because I was on top of her. Yeah. And we were having sex. And I pulled out.

And when I pulled out, I just went. It just shot right in my mug. Because back then, you would shoot. Because I didn't really jerk off back then. Yep. You had it packed in. So I was shooting like a broken fire hydrant, just bah! Yep.

Bah! Puerto Ricans playing stickball outside. It was just going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hit my face once. Yeah. I hit my face, this side. A girl was on top, hopped off, boom, smacked this side of my face.

I hit myself right in the face face Right in the nose the mouth And you know what ladies It's not that bad What's all the hullabaloo about It's also because it was my own If it was another guy's That would be a real problem I don't want other guys

But theirs I mean we're so like intimate with them Like when we're going down on them there's no Like the fluids are there Have you seen that video there's a girl she's on a, and she's talking to this guy about, she's a porn star. She's talking to this guy about how her boyfriend was asleep, and so she wanted to fuck her ex, so she ran down to the gas station. Cap. Have you seen it?

Cap. I don't believe it's real. Really? It's in, like, Toronto, right? Like, the girl's, I saw, I think, Six Buzz, which is a Toronto Instagram account. It's, like, TMZ for Toronto. Yeah, I don't know if it's in Toronto, right? I saw, I think, Six Buzz, which is a Toronto Instagram account. It's like TMZ for Toronto. Yeah, I don't know if it's in Toronto or America, but she was saying her ex-boyfriend came inside of her, and then she came home, and then her current boyfriend ate her pussy

and was talking about how good her pussy tasted. He was eating her ex-boyfriend's cum. Cloud Chase. Cloud Chase. Cloud Chase. Interesting. Do you believe that, honestly, a girl would do that? I'd like to believe it because it's disgusting. Or is it hot?

Well, it's not hot to me, you fucking weirdo. Yo, let me take you to a brothel in Pompeii, bro. I'm going to figure all this out. Why are you so judgmental? Right? Exactly. It's like, yo, dude, some people want to eat cum. They've been doing this for thousands of years.

Well, there's got to be a guy out there that does want to have a girl get cream-pied and then eat the cum out of her. Those guys are real. And he shouldn't even know he likes it. How's that? Meaning, like, how much other shit do you got to do before you're like, I want to eat another guy's cum out of a pussy. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like how do you go through the whole gambit of things?

I've never had this conversation with a girl. She was like, pineapple makes a guy's cum taste better. I go, how many dicks do you have to suck before you figure that out? I was thinking. Asparagus? Nope. Roast beef. Don't like it.

Pineapple. Hey. Hey. Funny you mention that. I'm Hawaiian. Blueberries. Whoa. Blueberries.

Dude, imagine. Funny you mention it. I'm Hawaiian. Imagine what a cock connoisseur you've got to be to meet a guy and know what fruits or vegetables he's been eating to know his cock taste. I taste coconut. Yo. Oh, fucking crying, bro.

Imagine. Dude, imagine the girl who feels comfortable saying that even. Right. Like, that's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. But I think she's being honest. And they're probably not even realizing how anybody's going to read into it.

Bro, I was at, there's a, what's the comedy club in Denver? I can't believe I'm forgetting about it. You did a special there. Comedy Works? Comedy Works in Denver. A girl that works at Comedy Works in Denver told me one time, she's like, I got a douche. I'm like, why? And then she's like, listen, I eat red meat and drink Dr. Pepper.

My pussy don't taste that good. That sounds perfect. Bro, that was one of the funniest things. I think you're wrong. That was one of the funniest things I ever heard. I eat red meat and drink Dr. Pepper. That is hilarious. What a hilarious thing to say.

How many funny people have you run into that have never done comedy so many right bro so many uh really really funny people this is just don't do comedy this is uh this is interesting because like um i don't know i i love characters like in in terms of people in general like i i'm drawn to them like the people who are funny without even trying to be they're just like so pure in their humor yeah you know yeah and the people who make you laugh when they're being serious right right right like like like your favorite people right and um they can't translate that to the stage the special special ones can. Joey Diaz is one of those people who can take it from the street to the stage. Do you know Joey had to figure that out, though?

Yeah, he said that. Do you know that when I met Joey, he was not good at stand-up? Really? Yes. Joey was the king of the parking lot. So killed in the parking lot. Oh, my God. Killed.

And then what happened on stage that he just, it didn't connect? It was contrived. Well, Joey was trying to make it in Hollywood, right? Like he was trying to get a sitcom or be a movie, you know. And I think he was too concerned about that. He was too concerned about like having agents come to see him, getting a manager. Like when you're just scratching by and you're staying on your friend's couch, like Joey was when I first met him,

it's like a fucking, it's so, the difference between being able to get an apartment and go to a restaurant and buy a meal and not is so delicate. There's such a balance that I think that fear like held him back and then one day he just figured it out and it coincided with him getting fat which is wild because he gave up on both things he gave up on worrying what he looked like and he gave up on worrying what people thought about him at the same time. Like, he would fart into the microphone and just, like, it was nothing.

Hold on. And then he'd keep talking. Like, it was nothing. Like, most people, a guy farting into a microphone, that's not even funny. No, you got to see Joey do it. Because it was just, he would go like, suka. And then he'd just, like, go right back to his fucking. It wasn't his bit. No fucking it wasn't his bit no it

was his bit it was joey being it was joey being joey and there's liberation from not wanting the acceptance of the industry yeah like i think patrice even had a story about that like he went to like montreal aspen or one of these things and he like played the fucking game and he was trying to be the guy and got nothing out of it and he was like fuck this and that freedom to just be you on stage yeah that creates the purity and the authenticity but those people that are hilarious off stage yeah could never translate it i don't know if they can never but they just haven't but they could be done they just haven't figured out how to do it it's nice that they don't, too. Right. Just because they're funny, just funny.

Like Alex Jones. Alex is genuinely funny. Every once in a while, there's a clip that comes up on my YouTube. Okay? It's Alex is sitting, is it right here or the old studio? And he goes, Joe, here's the thing. I'm retarded. Yeah. He goes, I'm kind of the thing. I'm retarded. Yeah. He goes, I'm kind of retarded.

I'm kind of retarded. And I fall out of the chair. No, no, no. This is my favorite part, right? He goes, I'm kind of retarded. And then you go. There's a moment where you try. No, no.

You try to hear him out. And then your brain, like something old in your brain just switches off and go, this is the funniest thing that I've ever heard. Do you know that moment is so famous that people use that, him holding his hands up like this, and they attach it in memes. Because people know what he said when he had his hands like that. So he doesn't even need to say the thing. And it's like me in physics class and then having Alex Jones like... He was so funny on your fucking show.

Dude, he... Oh my God. Dude, he fucking murdered... Did they pull your... There it is. They pulled the first one. Here it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We gotta watch. I love it. Play it from the beginning. Your face... Hold on. We're gonna be fine. Listen. Yeah, yeah, we gotta watch. Your face. Here's the thing. I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm kind of retarded.

Wait for it. There's a moment and then you can hear you go. I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm kind of retarded. It's over. It's over. That dude is so funny. There's nothing left.

But he's so funny all the time like that. We're going to have dinner with him tonight. Yes, we are. That's going to be wild. What are we asking? Oh, we're just going to talk, man. He'll tell us some shit about the great reset. Waitress, enjoy your meal.

Me. You too. Me. You too. Me. There's so many of those. There's so many memes like that. I'm carrying. That's the thing. Funny people are funny, bro.

Yeah. Funny people are funny. And funny is something... I don't want to, like... There's this movie... There's this movie. The new Thor movie. Did you see the new Thor movie?

I haven't seen it. Is it good? It's good. I mean, it's really good. I mean, the director's really brilliant. And Chris Hemsworth, who I know you know is a hunk. Hunk of man. Hunk of man.

So Chris is a genius. Like, I literally think, like think he's a genius at acting. I mean that seriously. I know it's crazy to look at a buff, handsome guy and be like, he's really good at that. He's both funny and dramatic. There's a few people who've done that really well. Woody Harrelson can do that really fucking well. He can be hysterical.

Or he can be natural born killers. Natural born motherfucking killers. Straight drama. Yeah. I mean, and. Jamie Foxx can do that. Jamie Foxx, I think, is the most talented entertainer alive. I agree.

He can do anybody's. You see him do Floyd Mayweather? Floyd. Chappelle. Yeah, the Chappelle one's insane. It is. Insane. Sing.

Play piano. They can sing like Ray Charles. Play piano. Act. Do stand up. play piano the guy act stand up do stand up stand up he's so yeah he is you ever met him no nice as fucking guy he's been really sweet to me he always comments he reached out and like he's he's been really he's a great guy is he cool genuinely great guy and he could bust balls oh yeah him there's an There's a video of him and Kevin Hart going on it on his radio and yo, Kev can roast. Like I'm

talking about like in the room. Oh yeah. If you go with Kev, dude is 5'5", grew up in Philly. He knows how to throw down. But Jamie can throw down too and you think like, oh here's this Hollywood guy who's a thespian and like a piano player. He can get motherfucking busy. Oh yeah. and but but fucking Chris

There's a there's the actress in the movie. I forget her fucking name Natalie Portman. Who's a brilliantly talented dramatic actress Can't do comedy because you can't pretend to be funny right you can pretend to be sad you can pretend to be Funny she can't hit the funny Chris. He is mopping the floor with this girl, bro. Is she trying to be funny? She's trying hard, dude. And it's, I appreciate the effort, but. It's a timing thing, right? I don't know what it is.

Is it, are you born that way? But if someone writes it out for you. Doesn't matter. But I'm saying if someone writes it out for you, it's a timing thing that you can't get. You don't, right? Yeah, like the joke is funny, but the way that you're writes it out for you, it's a timing thing that you can't get. You don't, right? Yeah, like the joke is funny, but the way that you're delivering it for whatever reason doesn't work. Like, did you ever see Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks?

No, but I know the stand-up movie, yeah. It might as well be Doctor Strange. Because you're watching it, you're like, well, this isn't real. Like, why is everybody laughing? It doesn't make any sense. Like, they're killing, killing like Sally feels is killing And you're like this is the worst fuck, but like if you see the marvelous mrs.. Maisel you're like daddy He's funny. Yeah, she's fucking funny. Yeah, like it works. Yeah, at least season one worked

Yeah, you know it's like I believe that this is this frustrated housewife who gets a couple of drinks in her and then hilarious Yeah, because there are people like that out there. Yeah. They really do exist. Yeah. There's a, what was the guy from the fucking Honeymooners? What's his name? Ralph Cramden?

Is that his name? Yes. Yeah. Jackie Gleason. No, no. Jackie Gleason. Yeah. So word on, I heard, and I'm sure this is like old Hollywood lore, but like a couple

of drinks in him and he was the funniest human being on stage. Oh, Jackie Gleason was hilarious, but also a great, you know and he was the funniest human being on stage. Oh, Jackie Gleason was hilarious, but also a great, you know, he played Minnesota Fats in The Hustler. That's the pool movie. The original one that- The original one. And he wasn't funny at all in that movie.

Not only that, he was deadpan and dead serious. And he was like the top gambler in the world of pool. And Paul Newman travels from Oakland, California to New York City to play him. And there's no funny in it at all. And this is like after the Honeymooners. I mean, this fucking guy cut his, he made his bones being a comedian. To the moon, Alice! I mean, he was over the top funny.

And then he does this fucking movie where he plays this guy with a fucking carnation in his pocket do you like to gamble Eddie do you like to gamble money on pool games and he goes Big John you think this boy's a hustler and like they're setting up a pool game and there's no comedy in it at all

and by the way out of all the people that have ever played pool in a movie he's the only one that could really play. There's him right here. He could fucking play, man. You watch him play, look at the carnation. But when you watch him play, like Paul Newman couldn't play a fucking lick. But he's a stud.

He was a beautiful man. What a fucking stud that guy is. But when you watch this movie, as a pool player, when I'm watching Jackie Gleason play, that motherfucker 100% could play pool. Yeah. The way he's moving around the table, the way he strokes the ball, that's a guy that's played pool thousands of hours in his life.

He could run 100 balls in straight pool. Now what that means is straight pool is like a dying game. Straight pool or straight pool? Straight pool. Straight pool is a game, otherwise known as 14-1. You don't play colors or solids. It's not rotation where you're playing nine ball where you have to run one through nine. You could shoot any ball you want and you leave one ball on the table. You make that ball. You use it to break up the other balls and you keep running balls. And like a really elite player can run 100 balls. That's like if you're a stand-up,

you've been doing stand-up for 10 years, and you could headline clubs. He headlines all over the country. He's a headliner. That's a guy who could run 100 balls. That's a rare thing in the world of pool. And you're saying that he was... He could run 100 balls.

That's very rare. That's hours. Ow. Hours of time. Thousands of hours. And gambling. Because he Hours of time. Thousands of hours. And gambling. Because he was a gambler. So he would play pool with a fucking cigarette in his fingers.

So he would have a cigarette in his finger while he was holding the cue. And then take a hit, put it down on the table. They would all be playing and smoking cigarettes. Jackie Gleason was a real pool player. That was the guy who really lived. Really gambled, drank, the whole deal. You know, remember when like Texas Hold'em had this like revolution, not revolution, renaissance, if you will. It came up, and I think it maybe started with the movie Rounders. Do you remember the movie Rounders?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was young and influential at the time, but I saw that movie. I started walking around with a pack of cards in my back. I swear to God, I was in high school. I'm like, oh my God, this is the coolest thing ever. And I'm a horrible poker player, by the way.

I think that the same thing probably happened when Hustler came out. 100% happened. It did, right? Yeah, 100%. And then The Color of Money. It happened again in the 1980s with Tom Cruise. And one more could make it happen again. Because there's a romanticism around the pool hall and around the shark and the characters.

And this weird, we love the anti-hero. You can be heroic within a misfit type of world. It's like what's cool about Ocean's Eleven. It's like they're heroes, but they're all villains. They're not necessarily good people, but they're going after someone who's worse. Right. And we like that. Well, what a real pool player is is the glorious results of a misspent youth.

You have to be hanging out in pool halls to play pool good. You don't learn how to play pool good in your basement. You don't learn how to play pool good in a vacuum. You have to be playing with real players. If you want to be a really good stand up, you got to get dirty. how to play pool good in your basement. You don't learn how to play pool good in a vacuum. You have to be playing with real players. If you want to be a really good stand-up, you got to get there. You got to get on stage. You got to go to the cellar.

Yeah. You got to go to the store. You got to go to the improv. You got to do late night sets. You got to do the road. It's the same thing with a pool player. Pool players do the road. They play on the road.

It's literally called playing. There's a book called Playing Off the Rail, and it's about my friend Tony Antagoni and this guy David McCumber, who was Hunter S. Thompson's editor. When Hunter S. Thompson... I forget what newspaper he wrote for, but McCumber was Hunter S. Thompson's editor, and they wrote a book together where my friend Tony, who was a top-flight pool player, they gave him, I think it was a certain amount of money,

like $10,000 or $20,000 in cash, and they taped it to their body and shit, and it traveled around the country playing the best players in the world and wrote a book about it. And my friend Tony, who was a really elite pool player but very troubled guy during covid jumped off a bridge he committed suicide he jumped off the golden gate bridge yeah and um very very sad very sad because he was he was really good at a

thing but it was a thing that just like didn't it didn't didn't have its time anymore like no one gave a about pool anymore yeah there was a moment where there was an asian woman that you would see on yes yes what's her name jeanette lee jeanette lee you see her on like espn and espn was covering pool a little bit and I thought pool is gonna have a little bit of a resurgence There was a time where there was a show I Forget the guy's name was the host of it was a comic who hosted it It was called celebrity pool and Jeanette Lee was the co-host and I played on it

With a bunch of other celebrities you bust their ass killed us tortured them. I never lost a game I was like you guys are out of your fucking mind as the thing about you is like You will choose certain things and then dedicate an obscene amount of time to them Ups like in this space you took me to another room and then you shot a fake elk from a football field away and you you brought one arrow maybe yeah pull that one arrow because you knew it was gonna take one arrow yeah yeah i know i know i know and it was like in a very tiny spot so it's like if you're competing against you in something you don't strike me as the person who will compete if you're not proficient.

No, I'll compete if I'm not proficient to learn how to get better. Okay. When I was playing in tournaments, when I lived in New York, when I was playing pool in tournaments, I was terrible. I had to learn to get good, and that's how you learn. You've got to play. It's like if you want to do jiu-jitsu, you've got to roll. You've got to go in there and spar with people.

That's the only way. Have you ever seen this show? What's this? Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats. Oh, wow. Wait, that's the original guy that they were referencing in the- This clip is- No.

No, it's not. That's actually New York Fats. This is billiards. This is a different game. This is three cushion billiards. Notice how there's no holes? Three cushion billiards is a completely different game. And what is the point of it?

You have to connect with one ball and then you go three rails, meaning it has to hit three rails and then collide with the next ball. So watch this. One, two, three, and then collides with that ball. It's a very complex game. And it's about, it's not satisfying for a lot of people because the balls don't disappear. But notice how he plays it and he makes the balls collide three rails. This used to be the gentleman's game.

The gentleman's game was billiards. And Poole came up with it. Poole is actually called pocket billiards. Right. But then, look, it's Groucho Marx. And pool came up with it. Pool is actually called pocket billiards. Look, it's Groucho Marx. But the name pool came from the fact that people would pool their money together to gamble. That's why it's called pool. It's not called pool.

It's really called pocket billiards. But pool, like pool halls where people would go to gamble. And the joke about it was like no gambling. Like, okay. Like no gambling. It's like bodybuilders and steroids. No steroids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like everybody fucking gambled on pool. So billiards is the umbrella. And then underneath that there are different games. There's also one with like studs on the- Yes, that's an Italian billiards. Yeah. Italian billiards, they would put like these little pins. Yeah.

And the idea, I don't know how to play that, so I'm not sure, but there was a place in Vegas that we used to play, me and my friend Max Eberle, who's also a top flight pool player. And this guy who owned it was from Italy. It was the best Italian food in Vegas. And it was at this fucking little pool hall that was in a strip mall. And this came from Rome yeah and he would play this Italian billiards and he had a fucking kitchen there yeah and he would have like imported cheese and this fantastic pasta how we would go there to eat man yeah we would go there to eat and play pool it was amazing but this is yeah this is the game I don't understand this game though I don't I don't know what the rules are but they would have these little pins like little tiny bowling pins and I don't know if the rules are, but they would have these little pins, like little tiny bowling pins. And I don't know if you're supposed to knock them down or if you're supposed to not knock them down. I don't really, I don't know how it works.

I don't even know where the balls go. But they would have these, you know, guys, like from the old country, that would be down there playing. And a lot of people from South America and Central America, they play that three-cushion billiards. And Europeans, too. It's still popular in, like like Belgium and some other places. Three cushion? Three cushion. That what you watch with Minnesota Fats. That's three cushion. But Minnesota Fats wasn't Minnesota Fats. His name was New York Fats. He changed his name to Minnesota Fats after the Hustler because he said, that was about me. But Minnesota Fats was never the best pool player.

Willie Moscone was the best pool player. So Minnesota Fats and Willie Moscone used to play games together on television. And Minnesota Fats, Willie Moscone hated him because he was like this dirty gambler who was like a con artist. He was a really good player. But he was like hustling. Yeah, he was a hustler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas Willie Moscone was the gentleman.

He would wear the suits and the ties, and up until recently, he held the world record in straight pool for the most amount of balls run. Which was? I think it was, like, in the 500s, ran 500 balls. But then a guy named John Schmidt, he beat that. And then a guy named Jason Shaw just beat it again. Jason Shaw, I think he ran 700-plus balls, which is wild. Yeah, that's insane.

Crazy. But Jason Shaw is like top of the food chain professional pool player right now, currently. There's like a few guys. There's like maybe 20 guys worldwide that are like top of the food chain, and he's right in there. When I was living in Barcelona. How long were you living in barcelona like almost a year what were you doing there uh i just like took a year off school and like i wanted to learn spanish really yeah so i work in like an ad agency out there and like it was cool yeah and uh that was actually really cool because you know opens up a whole world to you like you learn another language you learn like

jokes from other people. But I would always walk by. I lived near this place, the Arc de Triomphe. Also the French Arc de Triomphe that they fucking love. That's a ripoff of the Roman one, so another reason why Paris sucks. But I lived by the Arc de Triomphe, and there was a park there, and there was all these older guys that would go play, I believe it's called bocce ball. Bocce ball, yeah.

Yeah, it's an Italian game. And I would sit and watch them. And it gave me like this great hope because I was like, oh, when I'm 70, and when I'm 70, I'm going to be able to hang out with my boys and have a shit talking. And they were talking shit, making fun of one another. And I think that's kind of like why that's the importance of games like pool and golf like these games that don't revolve around pure physical exertion but rather skill where you can continue to do them at an

elevated age and still get the camaraderie aspect yes that we need as guys yeah we need to be around one another making fun of each other, like busting balls, talking about what's happening in the world. And I saw these guys that were so fucking happy talking shit. And I would just sit weirdly, like sit and watch them play. And it was like, this is great that when I'm 70, I'm going to have my version of that with my guys. Like, I think I'm going to hobbies you hobbies activity whatever the fuck it is but i was like that is important and i think pool is one of those and like weirdly when i was younger it was just this incredibly popular thing like people had pool tables in their homes like if you were like a rich

kid yeah they had a fucking pool table there right it was like a part of your house and i feel like that's kind of like left yeah well sometimes people have them but they just don't use them. It's like a treadmill. Yeah, it just sits there so people think you use it. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people buy treadmills,

they never use them. They buy pool tables, they never learn how to play. Like, where's your chalk? You don't even know how to use chalk? What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. It's,

when I was a kid, I was like 22 or 23 when I moved to New York. I guess I was 23. Where'd you live? I lived in New Rochelle. And the reason why I lived in New Rochelle was so I could be closer to White Plains, which is where White Plains Billiards was. Executive Billiards in White Plains. And that's where I started playing.

And when I would go there, one of the things, it was an old school pool hall back in the day. Now it's not. I think it was still around up until recently, but it became like a club, like loud music and lights and shit. It fell apart because they needed to make money and they sold it a bunch of times to different people. But when I was there in the 90s, Executive Billiards was a gambling pool hall where people would travel from around the country. I remember there was a dude who came down from Montreal to play my friend Johnny B. He came down. The guy I met. No, no, no.

You didn't met Johnny. You met Tommy. Tommy. You met Tommy Jr. He was another one. He was another professional pool player at the time who had to get a job. But these guys would travel to the spot because they knew they could get action there. There's like action pool halls.

Right. Like Chelsea Billiards was a big one. Amsterdam, I think, was one. Amsterdam was more of a high-end league place where people would go and they'd play. You could get games there, but it wasn't a dirty pool hall. It was always very upscale, very nice. It was like they took billiards to another level. They took it to this really refined, very good waitresses, good service, clean tables. Executive wasn't like that at all.

Executive Billiards was dirty. You had a lot of homeless people that would hang out there. People would fall asleep there because they didn't have a home. And I remember being a total misfit. I was an amateur comedian he was trying to become professional and i'd moved to new york and i just started kind of working i'd only been doing stand-up for like three years four years maybe and i was just starting to get work and you know and go on the road a little bit and i would go and hang out with all these guys and they all had nicknames everyone had a nickname like ray the fireman i was joe the comedian there was ray the fireman there was mount vernon tommy there was white plains charlie

there was all these people that were total misfits in the rest of society and they would go there and they would have camaraderie and i couldn't wait to go there i would be on a date with my girlfriend and she'd be boring and i couldn't wait to drop her off at her apartment and head down to White Plains and see my boys. And we would play there until 4 or 5 in the morning and then we would go to the Star Diner in Mount Vernon. We'd eat cheeseburgers

and then after that was done I'd go to sleep. I'd go to sleep in my apartment I'd wake up at like fucking 2 in the afternoon. I'd go to the gym I'd work out. I'd go do a set somewhere and then after my set I couldn't wait to go play pool. Yeah, I couldn't wait I just get back to that pool hall and I remember walking in the door. There'd be some guy yelling at somebody you want action motherfucker I'll give you a hundred hours a game nine games put up the fucking money and they start pulling out their money They have no intention on gambling. They just wanted to pull out the money, and they just wanted to bark.

They'd bark at each other. And then occasionally, people would play, and then you'd have guys who were like real top flight players who would gamble. I saw guys play for $10,000 a game. Yeah. Like a game of One Pocket. Yeah. Not a game, but like a set.

What's One Pocket? One Pocket is a weird gambler's game where like, you know, a pool table has six holes. But you would have one ball or one pocket to make your balls. And I would have one pocket to make my balls. And it's like the end pockets, like right where you rack the balls. Like I would have the right pocket. You'd have the left pocket. And it's like a very skillful game.

Like you've got to make sure that there's no shots for your opponent while you have shots and you're trying to bump balls and move them towards your hole. And you have to decide when to like bust out and take a chance and fire balls in your hole. Because if you miss, then you leave it open for the other guy and he can just run out. Yeah. And it's like, it's a very skillful game. So it's a game where a lot of people like for gambling because it reduces the amount of luck. Like with nine ball, there's a lot of luck in nine ball. What is that that like,

yeah, like I guess we crave acceptance, all of us in general, but like there's something about like, and I think that this like inclusion within like the misfit communities exists in comedy as well. Like you're with a bunch of comics and like you feel free to say the wild things that the average civilian would maybe be uncomfortable around. There's a freedom. Right. And I think that like, even like the green room or the cellar,

the back table, like I'm sure the store there's, there's these things that exist and it's like maybe at its core, it's just like, where can I be the closest version to myself? Right. And if you see yourself kind of as a little bit of a misfit around all these other motherfuckers that are also misfits, there's liberty. You're home.

You're home, dude. Yeah. Well, that's what the pool hall felt like to me at 23 years old or 24 years old, whatever I was. It felt like I'm finally at a place where I'm around people that are like me yep they were all misfits they were all guys who just got out of jail yep there was all guys why do we love the misfits like because they're fun is there fun and they don't care what society thinks about right and that is the rarest thing because most people are consumed with what the world thinks about you right and then you have these interesting people that pop up that go i don't really give a fuck right and then the rest of us go wow that's awesome yeah i would like to

not give a fuck that i want to be like you i want to be like you yeah even though you're a guy who maybe hasn't showered in two days you're in a pool hall you say whatever the fuck you want and everybody loves it when you show up they go ah it's the guy here! Johnny, the guy who makes me feel comfortable being me, he's here! It's why we need him. I always wonder, like, the people who get consumed, and I felt a little bit of this, like, I don't want to trash LA

because I think LA is actually cool and I have friends who are from there, but there is a little bit, like, I think culturally because Hollywood is such an institution there, you gravitate to what is working. And whatever's working, regardless if it has merit, people value it. And naturally, as human beings, we're going to gravitate to that thing.

But I always wondered, like, are those people ever going to experience what it's like to just fucking let loose? No. Not if you need to get booked on your next gig. You're missing out. You can't. Well, you can't even have, like, un unorthodox opinion you can't have heterodox opinions you have to follow whatever

the ideology that's currently running the system wants you to follow you got to pay that's why everybody in hollywood is like left-wing democrat across the board blue no matter who and even if you don't believe that you have to say that that. Yeah. And now, like, I think before the internet, we couldn't see it as much. Right. And now with the internet, like, the internet is like taking the condom off. Do you know what I mean? Like, I always felt that, like, you see, like, somebody have a, even your show, for example, like, really exposed the late night shows, I think.

And it wasn't your intention, but, like someone have a conversation here where they were being themselves. Right. And then they would go on and have a conversation for five minutes on Kimmel, and it'd be like, what am I watching here? Right. Like Nikki. Like Nikki Glaser. Exactly, right? Who we were talking about earlier.

So it's like, once you feel the condom off, it's hard to go back to the condom it's almost impossible it feels weird it feels like someone's lying to you feels disingenuous yeah it feels boring it feels fucking boring so it's like i guess what i'm saying is like human beings have a litmus test for bullshit they just have to be they just have to be like a show that they're the thing that they're watching is bullshit right and once they see that they can't go back right once you see you can't go back yeah it's like that movie they live what's that once you put on the glasses and you see what you remember that movie ratty ratty piper it was like some movie where a wrestler yeah yeah it was a movie like were they aliens? What were they?

They were like aliens that were running Earth, but you couldn't see them unless you put these certain glasses on. And you put these glasses on, and that's what everybody really looked like. And once, like if you put the glasses on, it was John Carpenter. Oh, shit. Oh, gee. Yeah. See, Obey.

Look at that fucking. We should get that. We should get one of those, Jamie jamie yeah we need to get that in a large metal that's that image that's that's what i got a trump one but that's what happens bro yeah and i feel like and i feel like you can't see and the thing is if you make people see things there are a couple institutions you can't fuck with. And if you do fuck with them, they understand the power of taking the condom off and then they throw everything. And I think Elon's going through that a little bit right now. Oh, 100%.

He and I had a little exchange about that recently. He was like, man, they're really coming after me. Because he went after politics. You can't go after politics. Well, he said he would be Republican. Exactly. And that's when they freaked out. Before that, nobody cares.

Because he has so much influence. He has like 104 million Twitter followers. He's also what everybody believes to him to be the smartest person. So if the smartest person says something, then you're like, well, that must have merit. He's the smartest guy. Yeah. That's a dangerous fucking tool if you're an institution that relies on people believing the condom on is okay, right? Right then when you take this what happened to you So I think you became the new version of like media's Trump It happened to Dave Portnoy from barstool a bit like when he started fucking with finance

Like if you fuck with find the financial sector they come for you you follow politics It's all for you just success like Portn politics, they come for you. It's also just success. Like Portnoy made a shitload of money, sold Barstool, and he's also like pretty brazenly masculine and open about it. It's a target. You're a target. They will fucking come for your ass because there's a lot of money to be made in those institutions.

And I wonder if like, that's interesting that he recognized that as well yeah and they throw the fucking they throw everything at you yeah they throw everything at you but there's a certain thing called escape velocity and you've achieved escape velocity what's that you like you've uh gotten so far away that the gravity can't pull you back in you've gotten so far away they can't get you anymore and I think he's chiefs escape velocity certain people have achieved escape velocity it's like you can't really can't put that back in the bottle good luck you can't catch it yeah like every time they try to go after you you get bigger you get bigger yeah it's every time it's Chappelle's going through it it's like every time it's

just big yeah you get bigger and then when you go on stage they cheer harder it's wild because now they're now you're just not a comic. Yeah. Now they're rooting for your success because they don't like the other thing. They don't like people telling them what to do and what to say and what's okay and what's not okay. They don't like that. Bro, it's like we're Americans. We're built.

Every person that came here or two generations away is someone who gave up everything yeah literally everything their family they give up absolutely everything for an opportunity they don't like to be told what to do no it's like weirdly i wonder if like if rebellion is like built into our dna in a weird way i don't know if humans exist like that built into our culture but culturally 100 yeah it's a rebellious freedom loving culture I mean, we're the only country with that has like freedom built into its ethos I mean, it's a country that was literally founded by immigrants that took a chance on a boat ride Before there was YouTube videos. They didn't even have a photo to look at. Someone drew a picture.

They're like, yo, it's fire over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, I like that picture. Let's fucking go. They took their baby and they got on a fucking boat. To nowhere. And who knows whether or not these people are telling the truth. You're going to take that boat ride all the way to fucking Plymouth, Massachusetts and get out and try to carve a life.

And you're going to tell us what to do? Yeah. You can't tell the kids of those people what to do. Here's the question. Do you think that that's the only way to achieve a new version of society is to start again? What America did, if you go look at the Declaration of Independence, if you go look at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and forget about the fact that a lot of those people, like by today's standards, were horrible people. Forget about that. Because that is true.

No doubt about it. And you could dwell on that forever. But this is just like- We're talking about ideas, not people right now. Right. Yeah. What they did was insanely revolutionary. Right. What they did was insanely revolutionary. What they did by setting up the system of government that we have, what they did by setting up the Bill of Rights and the First Amendment,

the Second Amendment, all the different rights and rules and regulations in which to govern people by, and set it up as fail-s safes to stop tyranny. And it got pretty fucking far. Got a couple hundred years in before the wheels started really falling off and Nancy Pelosi started making money from insider trading. But when you get to, and the Clinton body count. But if you think about what they did in the beginning to what they got to now, it's pretty fucking amazing. And it's like, I wonder if it would be possible to do again but there's no place like north america anymore

there's no place where you could just show up and have water to water yeah that's the thing it it is an amazing miracle that happened and millions of lives were lost in the process and i'm not talking about native americans only i'm talking about war. I'm talking about just like there's intense life lost to create the thing. But the most unique thing to me is that in history, when human beings have gotten power, they've usually tried to hold onto it. And this, in my estimation, is the first time in history where it's happened and they've relinquished it and i'm not some historian so tell me about where it happened in greece sure i don't give a fuck it did happen in greece it just fell apart it fell the fact that

yeah we were able to give it back to the people i mean you look at like socrates people quote socrates for everything right they're like oh this guy's brilliant he understands humanity all this shit he was was like, democracy? You're going to let these fucking idiots vote? Right, exactly. They did let the idiots vote. Yeah. And it fucking, listen, we've had trials and tribulations 100%, but I'll say this about America.

You can be the best version of you here. Yes. My mother is the best version of herself here. She's not from here the best version of you in terms of the way you could do it under any other form of government this is the most freedom that you can get you reach the highest you here and the most success you can achieve yeah that's what i'm proud of like like fucking july 4th i was wearing a fucking american flag shirt and there was a protest going on.

And these ladies are screaming at me, abortion rights. And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, lady. We're in New York. Who are you fighting against? There's abortions every fucking day here. But for me, that's what I wear it for. I'm going, I can be me here. What do you think that is about?

It's not just abortion rights, but now they're going after gay marriage too, which is so strange to me. Marco Rubio was saying that it was a silly thing to argue about, to be concerned about. And then some other senator who is a gay woman confronted him, and she was furious at it. Because gay marriage is not silly. It's marriage. It's marriage from people that are homosexual. And for them, it's marriage it's marriage from people that are homosexual and it's for them it's important they want it they want it they want to affirm their love and their relationship and the fact that they're going after that now almost makes me feel like they want us to fight they want to divide us in the best way they can and that like that this

is the best way for them to keep pulling off all the bullshit they're doing behind the scenes is to get us to fight over things like gay marriage or get us to fight over things like abortion. It's just like, why are you removing freedoms? Yes. And then this new thing where they're gun rights, like trying to go after the Second Amendment. You see that story that

recently happened where there's a shooter in a mall. Can we say something about the gay marriage real quick? Yeah, please. Like if you're going to say that marriage is an important cultural institution to the fabric of America, right. Can't remove it to, from Americans, right. You can't go and say, this is important. This is what we do. We create a family and we love one another. And this is how we express our love. And then say, ah, these Americans can't do and say, this is important, this is what we do, we create a family and we love one another and this is how we express our love and then say, ah, these Americans can't do that shit. It's so homophobic because you're saying there's something wrong with being homosexual. By saying that you are opposed to gay marriage, you're saying you're opposed to gay people.

Because if gay people are in love with each other and they want to have a celebration and they want to be legally bonded and connected, and there's all sorts of benefits to that in terms of- Financial benefits. Financial benefits, taxes. You're building it to the system. Yeah. But not only that, if your loved one is in jail or not in jail- On trial, you can't-

Or I was going to say in a hospital. Oh, that's right. You have access to them. You have access to them. And you're the only one that has access to them because you're their spouse. You're the one who has power of attorney if they're you know incapacitated like this like yeah there's a lot to like affirming that relationship and the fact that they're going after that now like that's the kind of shit that keeps me from being a republican yeah it's only

one of the kind there's a bunch of shit that keeps you from being a republican yeah but that's one of like people will say like oh you, you're a secret conservative. I'm like, you could suck my dick. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm so far away from being a Republican. Just because I believe in the Second Amendment and just because I support the military and just because I support police.

I was on welfare as a kid. I think it's important. I think having a social safety net is crucial. It's crucial. We should help each other. We're supposed to be one big community. I'm a bleeding heart liberal when it comes to a lot of shit. There it is.

I just also believe in discipline and hard work. Yes. That's where I fall into the more conservative side. And that's okay. Yeah, but I'm not a person who wants to keep all my money and not pay taxes. People have accused me of moving to Texas because I didn't want to pay taxes. No, I moved to Texas because I want fucking freedom. I didn't like the way California was telling people they can and can't work.

Telling people what is essential. This is an essential business. Who the fuck are you? A liquor store is essential. And I'm looking at insanely unhealthy people that are dictating the health regulations of what you can and can't do. You can't dine outside, and I'm looking at fucking Skeletor telling me this. You're out of your fucking mind. You're out of your fucking mind.

But that's the problem, is that the second that you agree with one thing- Right. They want to label you. They label you, and it's everybody. I don't care who the fuck you are. You agree with something conservative, and you agree with something liberal. I don't give a fuck who you are. Just within this tribal mindset where everything is black and white, what they do is they get votes by making everybody the absolute villain. And they're abusing it for votes. But if

you're actually going to be a real person, you're going to be both. I mean, Chris Rock had that great joke, there's something I'm conservative about, there's something I'm liberal about. Right, right, right. And it's like, yeah, that's every human being. Every human being. Except really crazy people that are just ideologically captured. Grifting. Yeah.

Well, there's grifters, but there's also people that are just in a fucking cult. You know? And those are the people that wanted to burn Christians. Those are the people that, you know, this is... How far does that cult go? That's the thing. Yeah. It's like, you let that start right now.

Where does it end? Right. Like, if they're the bad guy, and they're're awful and they're Nazis. You gotta kill them. Yeah. I mean, that's what people have done throughout time. They've othered. They dehumanize. They dehumanize. And once you're not a human, you could do anything to that person. Right. Right. You could burn witches. It's a witch. You could harass them. You can harass their families. And it's okay because they disagree with you and they agree with something quote unquote evil. Exactly. When you might agree with something that your side also

thinks is evil. Right. But you're not willing to admit it because you're scared. Right. They'll whisper it to you. Exactly. I am with you on this one. We meet all these people. Like I talk to these, sometimes these motherfuckers from like super liberal organizations will like DM me and I'll ask them about it. And they're honest

in the DMs. And I'm like, you fucking phony. you fucking phony dude it's a grift that's where i think it's a grift i think it's more of a cowardice than a grift yeah with a lot of folks they're just scared of encountering the wrath of the of the the cult you just got to be careful that when you have the wrath of the cult that you don't ease into the comfort of the side that supports you right because you'll feel their wrath the second you move away from them right you're a man on an island and it's hard to be on an island because now both sides can be upset at you right

it's like yeah that that's the trickiest thing when you feel like the total wrath of the opposition it's hard to be like but they do have a point about these certain things you got to to do that though. You have to, or else you just become the same fraud that you have. Yeah. You become them. And I don't, I don't subscribe to that. I think you have to always say what you actually think about things and look at them objectively if you can, you know, and sometimes we're going to, we're going to fail at that because we're going to be in the moment, you're going to be overwhelmed or captured or trapped in your thoughts. But at the end of the day, we all want similar things. We all want a peaceful society where your children and your family and your friends can prosper. And you want people to have the freedom to live the

way they choose. The problem is when people start infringing on other people's freedoms. That's what drives me crazy. That's what's driving me crazy about this gay marriage thing. And that's what's driving me crazy about this abortion thing. It's like, who are you to fucking tell people what they can and can't do? Like, it's just, it's not what, it's not what benefits us as a culture. What benefits us as a culture is trying to see how the other people see and feel and find common ground.

You don't even have to agree, but like a lack of rigidity. Like I think most human beings, right? I don't care how liberal you are. Most human beings who have had a kid will say at a certain point in time in the belly, it's a human. Nine months.

Right. It's a fucking human. Right. Okay, so we agree at a certain point it's a human yeah nine months right it's a fucking it's a fucking human right okay so we agree at a certain point it's a human then we can back up from then when the right or wrong or when somebody's right it is to terminate that thing one week okay who knows yeah but we we to look at something go nine months you should be able to do that's a little much i think for most people if you're being honest. One week, we don't even know if it's going to come to term. I think 25% of, I think, women that are pregnant end up having miscarriages.

Some of them don't even know it because they think it might be their period. Like, it's a very common thing that happens. So if we just had a little bit more, like, elasticity, and we could just be like, hey, I agree there's a point in time where, yeah, it definitely is a life and that'd be a little bit too much. Right. Eight months, that's a lot. A week, two weeks. Yeah. Yeah, two weeks is like, we got like 30 cells.

Yeah. What is it? It's like one of those really complicated and messy human dilemmas. And that's what abortion is. Yeah. It's, it's, there's no clue. I mean, some people are like at the moment of conception. And I think most of those people, that's a religious notion. And that's okay too. I'll go, okay. I understand where you're coming from for that perspective, for that perspective, because you believe in that and that's okay. And understand why you feel that way yeah i'll just say that and then i'll go but what about these horrible circumstances wouldn't you feel like it might be okay in these horrible circumstances

and then if they could just remove themselves from the group for a second and be like okay maybe in those i i'm not saying i'm giving you permission ultimately god who gives a permission but i see why someone would want to yeah that's all you have to say. Yeah. And then you don't feel like you're calling someone an asshole and a murderer every fucking two seconds. Right. You can't have a conversation with someone who goes, you're a murderer.

But then you have people that like show up at these rallies and like brag about how many abortions they've had. That's the extreme that we're talking about. That's extreme. It's just like- And that drives people- You're proud of that? It polarizes people in the opposite way.

Yeah. You know, there's a funny clip, not funny, but it's very telling, from Joe Biden. And it's from like the 1980s where he said abortion should be legal and it should be rare. And, you know, and that it's always tragic, but it should be rare. tragic, but it should be rare. And it's very interesting because it's such a nuanced perspective in comparison to the way he talks about it now. And just the party, the party has a line. Someone told me this of Elizabeth Warren, that what she does is she has interns that search on Twitter for how people think about things. And then she just takes that as a quote. That's what she runs with. That's what she talks about. I don't know if that's true, but I knew if you want to say cynically about certain politicians,

for sure they do that. There's certain politicians that don't give you any feeling whatsoever of sincerity and of being a real human being. They seem like they're just pull machines. It's a job. And that's what scares people if you're talking about people's rights. If you're talking about a woman's right to choose, if you're talking about a gay person's right to be married.

It's like to have people, they have these rigid pole-oriented perspectives on this where I'm on the right-wing party, So I am going to say this because this is what my side believes and this is what my side wants. Like what if, what if politics was like jury duty in that? Like we all acknowledge we don't want to do it, but it was our civic duty to society. So the first thing that qualifies you to be president is you not wanting to be president. And us literally having to force you as a society. And then you go, fucking A, I'll give it four fucking years,

fine, I'll do my best because I love this country, but I don't want to tell you what the fuck to do, I don't want to interfere with your goddamn lives, I'm gonna do the best because I love this fucking thing, but I'd rather spend time with my fucking family and enjoy my goddamn life. Wouldn't you trust

that human being? Well, that's what we hope for. That's why we hate someone like Trump because Trump believes he should be president and he wants to be president. Yes.

And there's something a little icky about it. Get him out of here. Dude, and I think that was so endearing about Bernie. It was like, this motherfucker don't want to win.

He wants to help. Now, is his idea of help, do you agree with it? That's to be said by the average person. But did you feel like he cared about winning and controlling? No. I never got that sense from him. No. I got a sense that he genuinely looks out for the working class.

Yes. And he genuinely wants to help people. That's why I said that I supported him. 100%. And when he was explaining how his situation works with taxes, that they would just tax a small percentage of speculation, of stock trading, just a tiny percentage of all these trades that are happening constantly,

and that that money could go to education, that money can go to welfare, that money can go to all these different things that would use to benefit society. I was like, I'm in. That sounds good. Is that real? What else are you trying to do? benefit society. I was like, I'm in. That sounds good. Is that real? What else are you trying to do?

Are you trying to avoid war? I'm in. That sounds cool. What else are you trying to do? Trying to eliminate student debt? I'm in. What about health care? Free health care?

I'm in. And he's a radical. And he's a radical. What's wrong with the system? Yeah, I mean, as long as you're not discouraging capitalism and progress and people's ability to excel. That's it. That's what people worry about with communism, right, and socialism. Which they should.

Yeah, they should. Yeah. They should worry about someone impeding your ability to excel and succeed. But if we're not impeding that ability and we're taking like a percentage of speculation, we're not even talking about like hard work. We're saying you dumped a bunch of money into something. Right. You didn't grind for fucking hours and pull fucking turnips out of the ground.

And we're talking about a fraction of a penny per trade. Yeah. There's so many trades. He was talking about this could benefit people in the tune of trillions of dollars a year. Yeah. That's reasonable. And then the average person, I think,

that isn't tribal with their politics goes, all right, this motherfucker is a curmudgeon. He don't want to be doing this. Every time he goes in front of the podium, he's like, why do I have to convince you guys to take care of people? It was really endearing. People were trying to play games with him and have fun. He's like, I don't want to shoot free throws, guys.

Let me just fucking help people. That's it. It felt like that. It genuinely felt like that. Well, that's why I was wild that he was willing to do my podcast. I was like, look at this motherfucker. Coming in, sit down with me for three hours while he's running for president. He knows.

Just hang out. Talk shit. And did it work? Not really. No. Joe, it worked. They went for him. But the system.

They came for him. He won, but the system in place with the caucuses did not allow him to win. He was robbed. Well, they definitely conspired to remove him. The superdelegate thing doesn't exist with the Republicans. That's why Trump won. If the Republicans had superdelegates where you could have the system have one vote be worth 10,000. What's that noise? I don't know. Maybe they're building something out there. UFO anyway I don't know and you could argue okay maybe it wasn't good enough maybe he wasn't good enough it could be idea is interesting and if someone else came along that was like him that was a genuine human being

that you know has always been that guy you know it's like what we're scared of is like someone like nancy pelosi like have you ever given your husband to no never oh that's enough of that get out of here that's what we're scared of right we're scared of someone who's obviously full of shit being in a position of power like a nancy pelosi and he's just not that right and what we need is someone. That's why everybody goes back to JFK. They go, that was the guy. That was our guy. I don't know the love.

I don't understand what happened with JFK. I know he got shot, but I don't understand what he did. JFK wanted to disband the CIA. He wanted to get rid of the Federal Reserve. He thought that secret societies were repugnant. Have you ever heard his speech about secret societies? You never heard that? You want to know why JFK got shot?

Talk to me. There's a lot. Well, first of all, it was the Bay of Pigs. There's a lot of people that were angry at him in the military. And there's a lot of people in, you know, there's a lot. JFK was not a perfect person, but he was a fascinating public speaker. JFK was not a perfect person, but he was a fascinating public speaker. And the things that he talked about, the way he described America and our hopes and dreams,

resonated with people that had a hope for the future. They had a vision in this guy, this young, vibrant guy who was the president. Maybe he could take us there. And when they shot and killed him, a lot of people were like, oh. us there. And when they shot and killed him, a lot of people are like, oh. And then when you realize it's most likely a grand conspiracy, most likely. And you just wonder like what nefarious forces are trying to keep us from this thing that we all want, which is like an America that we can be proud of, a place where we see intelligent, hardworking, kind, compassionate people that can run the world in a better place, in a better way than it's being run now. I think that's what we want, dude.

We want a shot at greatness. At least give me a shot. If I fail on my own, that's on me. Pull up the video. Let's end this podcast. Pull up the video of JFK giving his speech on secret societies. Okay. Just give us a little piece of it.

Give us a little piece of it. Yeah, give me a five minute version. Put the headphones on, son. Let's do this. And this is why they shot this motherfucker. This is one of the reasons why they shot him. There's also like... There's a lot. I mean, his dad was in with the mob. There's a whole situation.

There's a lot. There's a lot. Ladies and gentlemen, the very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society. And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings. We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it. Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in ensuring the

survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment. That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it is in my control. And no official of my administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes, or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to

know. For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means for expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day it is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit highly efficient machine that combines military diplomatic intelligence economic scientific and political operations. Its preparations are concealed, not published. Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. Its dissenters are silenced, not praised. No expenditure is questioned.

No rumor is printed. No secret is revealed. No president should fear public scrutiny of his program, for from that scrutiny comes understanding, and from that understanding comes support or opposition, and both are necessary. I am not asking your newspapers to support an administration, but I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people. For I have complete confidence in the response and dedication of our citizens whenever they are fully informed. I not only could not stifle controversy among your readers, I welcome it.

This administration intends to be candid about its errors. For as a wise man once said, an error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors, and we expect you to point them out when we miss them. you to point them out when we miss them. Without debate, without criticism, no administration and no country can succeed and no republic can survive. That is why the Athenian lawmaker Sola decreed a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy and that is why our press was protected by the First Amendment, the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution, not primarily to amuse and entertain, not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental, not to simply give the public what it wants, but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to state our dangers and our opportunities, to indicate our crises and our choices, to lead, mold, educate, and sometimes even anger public opinion.

This means greater coverage and analysis of international news, for it is no longer far away and foreign but close at hand and local it means greater attention to improved understanding of the news as well as improved transmission that's good you get it that's why they killed that motherfucker not far away it's local yeah he's calling him out. Yeah. Well, he was in direct conflict with all the forces that be. Yeah. That's why they killed him. That kind of shit. You can't have that.

Wild boy. That's a wild boy. He was a wild boy. Yeah. All right. Andrew Schultz, I love you. I appreciate you very much. Love you, dog.

Congratulations on the success of your special and your podcast and everything. I'm in your corner, brother know that thank you so much bye everybody