The Joe Rogan Experience - #185 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 14, 2012

Joe sits down with Tom Segura.

tell me when we're up we're up I gotta post it on Twitter so Tom I went to the doctor what were we talking about before we start we were talking about

like rappers killing each other yeah I don't want to stop this subject real quick because when you know when that happened when the 90s

you know when they started fucking shooting each other and coming out with gangster rap there had never been anything like that could you imagine like the Beach Boys?

Yeah. And they fucking hated Elvis. They wanted to shoot him. Fuck you, man. Yeah. Yeah. Taking off bitches. And it was the first time where guys were ever able to brag

about everything, about their money, about their sexual conquest. It's like they'd never been, like Eddie Bravo was talking about that song the other day, She Swallowed It. It's not a good song. She swallowed know, like Eddie Bravo was talking about that song the other day. She swallowed it. It's not a good song. She swallowed it. I mean, I don't like it.

You know, it's okay. MC Ren had a decent verse on that. Yes, MC Ren. MC Ren was amazing. What happened to that guy? I have no idea. Is he? Yeah, I think he's working on the new NWA movie right now.

A movie? Yeah, they're redoing the whole NWA movie're doing an nwa movie and using like family members who's gonna play aids uh have they cast that yet have they cast that part yeah oh tommy with the fucking zinger who's gonna play aids oh shit no you didn't i think it was morgan freeman that's fucking incredible. Jesus Christ. He's just like, give me that part on the E-hat and I can nail this shit.

Do you think Jerry Curl will ever come back? I hope not. It's too much work, man. Too much work. Cube had the fuck, he was like a poster child for the Jerry Curl.

Yeah. Ice Cube had a really fucking nice Jerry Curl. It was good. If you're going to get a Jerry Curl, that's how you should take that picture into your salon

and say, make me look like this. Was it Chris Rock's movie? What was the movie? CB4. CB4, where they sprayed Jerry curl juice in their hair all the time? Yeah. What was Jerry curl juice? What was it, just oil?

It was oil. What was that, Coming to America? What was that? Soul Glow, man. Soul Glow. Remember? Make my soul glow. And it would get off off the chair, And he was like, Soul Glow. And he'd get off the chair

and there was like a stain on the chair. But that's gotta be true, right? Yeah. How did that ever become popular? Look at hairstyles, man. Hairstyles are insane. But that's one of the weirdest ones ever. You gotta put all that shit in your hair

and make it greasy and drippy. Yeah. What the fuck? It ruins your clothes. People had the afro. That was like a statement. Yeah. Right? Then remember

Fades And high top fade They can get away with anything I remember when I was a kid Even black girls They have straight hair They have white girls hair And you're like

How'd you get that Shut up Oh yeah yeah Black dudes can't pull that off You know what I was really jealous of In like middle school And high school Was when black guys had like

Designs in their hair Yeah Like they would when black guys had like uh designs in their hair yeah like they had like lines and shit would be written out bolts and shit yeah and i'd be like i want to do that and like you cannot you will look like a fucking there's a fighter who uh is a black guy from some some k1 guy but he carves like designs like tribal designs in his hair before he fights yeah it looks badass that's the thing you get away with it but do you think a black guy can get away with wearing like a white guy's hair like a black girl does no oh no no no that's imagine imagine black dudes if that was the next thing they all started having bon jovi hair yeah oh no they just all had bon jovi hair weaves

or what if it was just like parted like what if they just parted it like a good boy? Yeah, like Ted Haggard. Yeah. Just be like cool about it. You'll be like, what's going on? Yeah, that would be so strange. This was $4,000, man. Isn't it strange though what becomes popular and not popular? You know?

Like girls are allowed to have, everything can be fake. You can have fake tits. You can have fake hair. Nobody gives a shit. As long as you look good, you look good, good. Okay, let's go. You know, no guy is like really, well, I mean, guys are. Don't get me wrong.

But it's acceptable for you to be pretty inauthentic. We are held to such a lower standard. You know the thing that we get, like for most guys, like if you shower, you bathe regularly, and you basically, you bathe regularly, and you basically change clothes, that's considered like take care of yourself. You don't have to wear makeup. You don't have to do anything.

Isn't it? Could you imagine, though, if you found out a dude was wearing blue contacts? Girls would be like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? I almost bought some fake contacts the other day just because I was that stoned, but it wasn't blue. It was the ones where you can get's like ones you can get like cat eyes you get like completely black and i just want to have a pair for for no for no reason at all do you remember michael jackson's thriller when he had oh yeah the cat eyes yeah they have those and they're i guess they're just they're

pretty cheap they're like 89 bucks and you just put them in your eye oh that's wasn't like the end of the movie he looks up he's got, yeah. Yeah, he turns back and then the left. That was a fucking, what a great music video that was. That was an actual event. That was like a world news event. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah.

Yeah, it was huge. That's when we had far less channels, too. I can't imagine what the numbers were on just that video. They must have been, they must be astronomical. Yeah, they must have been through the fucking roof. I think it's through i think it's 13 minutes and that was like that was so cool like seeing that yeah and for me it was a werewolf so i was even more excited yeah and a cool one really that was rick baker that did that i believe i believe it was the same guy that did american werewolf in london he did a lot of star wars shit the coordinated dancing all the dancing

was cool as shit what was that what was the message behind that you know what a weird fucking video london he did a lot of star wars shit the coordinated dancing all the dancing was cruel as shit what was that what was the message behind that you know what a weird fucking video and movie i remember people were saying it was satanic i remember that there was a bunch of protests about it oh yeah we're upset what a fucking fascinating which is the best thing ever when you get a controversy like that when people when someone says this might be satanic that was when they were like guys fucking yes yeah michael jackson and whitney houston probably the two most talented people that died and everybody saw it coming yeah you know what i'm saying when we talk about like really uniquely talented people that everybody's like man you know how long is this gonna last yeah how long can you do you remember

that um the the bobby brown show being bobby brown yeah When they were on the show screaming and yelling at each other? Oh, my God. I remember when they talked. They were at a dinner. Fucked up. They were fucked up on the show. Fucked up. Not like buzzing, like fucking wrecked.

Screaming at each other. And they were at a hotel, and they had ordered like a feast. And I mean, it was crazy how much food was on this table. And they were both Just fucking Completely out of their minds Obliterated And laughing And then

I forget what I forget who said Like remember when I was I was taking that shit And you had to come over Help me pull it out my ass And it was like Yeah

Yeah I think it was He was saying That one time She had a shit stuck Inside of her And he reached up in there And he was like

I pulled that dookie out And she was like I gotta take a dump right now. I'm gonna drop it on the one. Like, that was the scene you were like, I'm gonna drop it on the one? Yes, dude, yes.

I'm gonna drop it on the one. Isn't that funny? How will I know? Don't trust your feelings. How will I know? And that shit, come pull the shit out of my ass. Yeah.

Wow. Remember when I was taking a dump? You put your hand in my ass uh-huh do you remember when they interviewed her there was an interview where the guy was trying to get to what the fuck was up and he's like yeah is it cocaine is it alcohol and she's like at times at times at times at times all of them like at times all of them and he's like you know if you ever if you ever smoked crack and she was like crack is And she was like, crack is whack. She said, crack is whack.

I think that was to Diane Sawyer that she said that. And he also said, it's rumored that you spent $750,000 one year on drugs. And she said, I wish. She said, I wish. I'd still be on that ship Right now Yeah Are you kidding me Shit That'd be a good year

Jesus Christ Could you imagine But it was 750 It was the strangest interview man To listen to A person who You know

When you grew up You know the bodyguard Remember her with Kevin Costner Dude She is She was such A talent Such a talent

Such a superstar Oh amazing If you watch like How Will I Know Yeah Like the video I mean you see She was such a talent. Such a talent. Such a superstar. Oh, amazing. If you watch How Will I Know, the video, she's so beautiful. Have you ever heard when they isolate her lyrics? No. Dude. See, I don't know if you can play that.

Do you think we can play that? Probably not. Not at all? Probably not. Not like give it a little sample of it or something? I don't know. Let's try. Her range, the range and her voice. It's just ridiculous. It's really stunning to listen to. probably not not like give it like a little sample of it or something I don't know let's try her range the range

and her voice it's just ridiculous it's really stunning to listen to it's just look up how will I know Whitney Houston

isolated lyrics love it use two hands you freak type with one hand you don't know what the fuck you're doing

shit's taking forever there's a bunch of chicken scratch on that screen Brian's gonna confuse the fuck out of. There's a bunch of chicken scratch on that screen. Brian's going to confuse the fuck out of people. Is there a way to take that video off your Ustream and put it on mine? I don't know.

I could find out, but definitely do it on Vimeo. Vimeo, yeah. People are mad at you, Brian. This is another O'Brien moment. They get excited. People like it when you fuck up. Do you notice that? Yeah They love it

What is that about? Makes it seem more real It's not edited It's raw-er Yeah, people like a little conflict There's a dude who just sent me 19 Tell Brian to shut the fuck up

In a row Okay, that guy's blocked Oh, shit, kid Silly bitch. It didn't come up. Wait, here's one. It's a strange thing to listen to, man,

because you know you can give me a million years with all the coaches in the world. They listen to that. Yeah, listen to this shit. I know

He's the one I dream of Looks into My eyes Takes me to the clouds above God damn, she was good. Yeah. She was. Fuck. That's just a once-in-a-lifetime voice, man. That's just a perfect voice. a once in a lifetime voice man that's just a perfect voice

yeah she had the perfect voice it's like that bodyguard days oh hot as fuck hot as fuck that was the first time ever there was a hot girl that a hot man was falling in love with yeah you know that she's black and they did a major movie about it have they ever done that before where the hot black girl and the man get together? If, ah, man. Nobody, apparently, even complained. Now, that's not the main storyline, you know? Yeah.

Like, that would have to be the storyline. Yeah. She was such a fucking gigantic star as a singer that they were like, let's make a movie with you. I can't act! Who cares? Yeah. Just fucking, we'll roll the camera. We'll say whatever you want. Yeah.

We'll tie it all together. You're working with Kevin Costner. He'll carry you along. She can act could act too acting is easy as fuck man acting ain't shit i mean there's there's high level acting obviously that none of us can do but the regular acting like the bodyguard yeah you could do that anybody could do that what'd you say yeah yeah eight million my buddy mike star was in that movie too he got beat up by kevin costner oh really yeah my buddy mike star Starr, we did a TV show a long time ago called Hardball Together. It was that stupid baseball show.

Yeah. It was a terrible show, but I made a bunch of good friends. Mike Starr was one of them. He got beat up in a bunch of movies. He got beat up in a Steven Seagal movie. Got real mad at Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal was hitting him really hard. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. He wound up actually having to put a chest protector on because the guy was not really supposed to hit him it was supposed to fake hit him it's for a fucking movie you know what I'm saying Steven Seagal would just light his chest up

hit him with that fucking wing chunk punch in the middle of his chest he can't say shit to Steve really either he just does it man he's known for doing that he's trying to make a fucking badass movie. Right. And unfortunately, when you're trying to make a badass movie, sometimes you've got to sacrifice.

Yeah. I'm going to kick you in the chest right now, man. Get a fucking stomp dudes on occasion. I mean, that was his attitude. Welcome to hell. I don't know. He probably had a line after he kicked the shit out of you, too, which made it so much worse. It's like you get kicked, and then he's like, that's what time it is.

Turns around or some shit. That's what time it is that's what time it is what how did that happen like the guy that was in the movie that always has like the witty one liner after he kicks you in the balls i don't know man that became i mean i it was that i think that became huge through clint eastwood i think he'd be the guy i mean you know i mean where he has like where the badass thing happens yeah and then you go in on close you push in on the badass face and he's like ask your mother what she thinks the clint eastwood every which way but loose movies were the first time that they really like combined like action and comedy together with a dude who wasn't a comedy guy right but it worked it works man it works if you play it great you know that's why philo beto funny fucking clean dude come on man every which way but loose was awesome and that

was back when clean eastwood was stuck with that one chick was her name sandra lock i remember he did a million movies with this freak yeah i guess you know that was just his girl and they did a bunch of movies together but as soon as they broke up man shit got ugly really yeah he got her like some development deal to get her to fuck away from him and you know and she accused him of blocking every one of her projects nobody wanted to do anything with her i wouldn't fuck with clint man she was suing the shit out of him it was just gross man it was just when when people like divorce and they do it publicly like that you like lose so much respect for the more vocal member of the two you know and that was one

of the case with the thing with her i automatically assume well this bitch is crazy we're gonna go yeah yeah and she never really worked again you know sandra lock disappeared she was in a ton of movies with clint eastwood but that was about it after that you know she thought it was because he blackballed her but most people i think a lot of those probably people thought she was gross probably like you know yeah what's going what are are you doing a Clint? Yeah, everybody's would man. You can't you can't fuck over that's movie royalty good the bad and the ugly Come on, you leave him alone, you know, what'd you do? Can you imagine the stories that he had? Yeah. Oh my god I remember. Oh, do you know when we played like the old like racist? What was that? Elkham? Was it the no? I know what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

What was that? Was it the car? No, I know what you mean. You're talking about? Yeah, yeah. What was it? Continental. Old man on a couch. Mustang. It was real recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The porch man.

Yeah, and they live next door to like a— El Torino? I think that was it. Yeah. They live next door to like a Hmong family or something, right? Yeah. So there's always like—and he's like, it's an old time. He's like, get your yellow ass off my lawn. Like all this crazy shit.

And they asked him about like political correctness, and he was like, I don ass off my lawn like all this crazy shit and they asked him about like political correctness and he was like i don't know what this shit's all about he was like back in my day like we would shoot a movie and uh if the grip was from china he was the chinaman and like and he that's just who you are and like and we would just laugh about it like we could tell jokes to people about their race and people wouldn't freak out like because people were giving them you know a lot of shit right yeah people are super sensitive you're not even supposed to joke around about yeah unless you are of a uh a nationality right a minor right or rather a um uh what's the word i'm looking for not minor uh like a minority or minority yeah or if you're

ethnic i'm a minor i'm thinking of a minority and i just stop at minor that's how tired i am um i think that for a lot of people they give minorities like you know whether you're black people can make fun of white people all day long but you you're walking a fine line and make fun of black people i've seen you do some great black jokes and i see people go oh shit right like i see people like the clench i'm gonna go oh shit yeah because people worry people worry when a white guy makes fun of black people it gets to be a real but black people can make fun of white people i've seen white people laugh at the lamest shit they'll laugh at it it's just like it's like a guilty laugh yeah it's this weird they do that that fake white guy voice

it's like a ripoff of the Richard Pryor white guy voice. Richard Pryor was like, it was a really unique thing. We'd say it. He'd say, you can't fuck with white people. We'd be like, hey, man, your mama. My mom's a great old gal. He developed that sort of white guy voice, and everybody sort of stole it. They stole it, and a lot of versions of it are terrible.

Yeah, it's kind of like, come on, man. White guys don't talk like that. That's not how they talk. Yeah, and a lot of them give horrible examples. Yeah, it's kind of like come on man white guys don't talk like that that's not how they talk yeah and they get a lot of them give a horrible example yeah it's just so you're like that's not that's not it's silly i mean you can tell white people you can tell white people yeah it's weird it's a weird uh gimme you know so for a lot of black guys like especially when they're first starting out in stand-up that's the first thing they go to yeah and isn't that one of those things that you see and you go oh he's he's going there? Yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. Unless you see it done supremely well.

Yeah. There has to be a super good example for you to be pulling. Yeah. And if the observation is really astute and you're like, that's some insight. Yeah, dude. You're picking apart something new or you're doing a version of it that I haven't heard. But everything else has been done. So will there always be minorities? a version of it that I haven't heard, but everything else has been done. Will there always be minorities? Do you think there's ever going to be a point where we're all just gray, like a mocha? I think it would take that

yellow-brown color. That's happening. Race is becoming really more mixed across the board. You think so? Oh, definitely. Why are people attracted to blonde girls then? But we talked about this. You know what? What I'm not attracted to is blonde eyelashes and blonde eyebrows. I'm not attracted to blonde girls. I'm attracted to blonde girls that do shit with their eyelashes and their eyebrows. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I don't like blonde. I like blondes the most, man. Isn't that funny, though? That's weird. Or girls who don't do that, like girls who have naturally brown eyebrows. Yeah, that's what they usually are. I gravitate towards blonde. A lot of them don't, man.

Really? But you know what I don't like at all, though, is bleached. Yeah, that's what they usually are. I gravitate towards blonde. A lot of them don't, man. Really? But you know what I don't like at all, though, is bleached. Oh, yeah. It's got to be a natural blonde. Oh, I like all kinds of blonde. I think a lot of times when you take a girl that's brown hair or some weird color of brown,

you make her blonde, she's always hotter. She's nice, bleached blonde. You know what's really freaking me out, man? The amount of people that are putting shit in their face. The amount of people that are putting fillers in their face. daughter you know she's like nice bleached blonde you know what's really freaking me out man amount of people that are putting shit in their face amount of people that are putting like fillers in their face yeah like the implants it's becoming well they're not even cheek implants that's what i thought they were too i thought they were like remember when mickey rourke did that mickey rourke lost his fucking marbles remember that yeah it's like in the 90s i guess yeah cheek implants did

he get implants yes he did yeah yes he did he got a face and then he got him removed guess he had cheek implants did he get implants yes he did yeah yes he got a face then he got him removed now he had chick implants and he looked bizarre yeah well now i think what happened was that's when he was boxing and when he uh he had a pretty intense uh like segment of his life where he just boxed and he boxed professionally he got his fucking brains rattled dude he looks like it too yeah and i think that changed him as a person you know i think it made him you know this wacky eccentric like remember gary bucey he was a regular dude crashes his motorcycle becomes this wacky totally crazy yeah he used to be this really brilliant actor really talented actor like mr joshua remember that yeah and uh fucking, what was that movie? He's an exciting guy. What movie was that? We Burned Himself?

Yeah, I forget. Bruce Willis movie? I know. Was that Pulp Fiction? No. No. Fuck. No.

It wasn't? That Gary Busey? Yeah, Gary Busey. He's not in Pulp Fiction, is he? He's not? No, I don't think so. God damn it. I hate when I don't know.

I think Rourke is from, I think he's from Liberty City, Miami, too. My point was, my point was lethal weapon was that what it was yeah yeah gary bucey was in was it lethal weapon i think so one of them yeah it was yeah it was lethal weapon hold on remember seeing point break yeah i think that was a good fucking movie yeah yeah gary bucey was it was. Yeah, that's what it was. But what was I saying? He was a regular dude,

and head trauma transformed him. Yeah. And I think that's also what happened to Mickey Rourke. He's a regular dude, and he got so crazy that he decided it would be a good idea to put plastic things inside his cheeks to make his cheeks bigger. And nobody would know. Have you ever seen the photos?

Yeah. He had them removed, cheeks to make his cheeks bigger and like nobody would know you ever seen the photos yeah yeah he had them removed and now he's just got this weird thing where just any of anyone that fucks with their face it's going to look weird like look i don't know if paul mccartney because like on the grammys his face there was a lot going on there and i think a lot of those dudes are just botox in it botox and they just freeze their face so they can't they can't move like like if you get mad at something you can't move your forehead. It's just way better to be able to do that and look old. It's so silly.

It's just you don't look better. You just look weird. You look weird. Your face doesn't move. Why isn't your face moving? These girls on these Beverly Hills housewife shows, there's a lot of these women have like fillers in their face. And then on top of that, they have Botox. So they have these shiny faces that are like puffed up and they don't move and they look like masks yeah i was high as

fuck once and i was in the the green room with joey diaz joey turns on the tv and it was uh joan rivers and i just freaked out yeah i just freaked out i was because i was like i was so baked and it hit me like i looked at it and like it really hit me what she's done and you know you just want to go just tell her to stop just tell her stop doing that yeah just tell her and she's still doing it she doesn't make you look better it doesn't make you look better it makes you look crazy i know i know it's the weirdest thing ever that frozen puffy face you know it's like they're they're injecting things into their face because when you get older the first one of the first things that happens is your face starts to lose body fat. That's why you get like sort of that sunken, wrinkly, you lose.

So they're injecting things in there to puff it up. And whoa, it's crazy looking, man. She looks wild, man. Whoa, it's a monster face. That's why when I see these women, I call them monster faces because you see them all the time. And it's like it really is just a mistake, you know yeah it's a mistake of you shouldn't do it it's it's out of like such a fear of what would it look like oh yeah they don't want to look old so they'd rather look crazy well it's also you convince yourself that you could fix something

like i got hair transplants and i totally wish i'd never done it because i have this stupid scar in the back of my head now otherwise i would shave my head but i got it because i was convinced that i could fix something like my hair was falling out i was like how do i fix this yeah is there a way to fix this you research ways to fix this you talk to the doctor i can fix it and they go oh he can fix it like okay i'll just get it fixed but it doesn't fix it fixes it temporarily but all the other hair falls out of it the way i described i said it's like you're taking a bunch of healthy people and you're moving them to a neighborhood where everyone's dying yeah so they take hair from the back of your head they move it to the top of your head and then all its neighbors just fucking wilt callan has the exact same thing

he was talking about on it yeah he did a podcast and he was saying that they they can pretty much get rid of a lot of the the scar nowadays yeah yeah they can yeah yeah i'm actually having treatments they shoot things in your scar. It makes it smaller. Oh, cool. It's like a cortisone or something. I don't know what

the fuck it is. Something. It's Botox. It's not bad. I've seen guys who have bad ones. Mine's really thin. It's a very thin scar,

but it's long. I've seen dudes who have big, fat, wide ones because their skin stretches out. Wear some chains. Do you think I should have a lot of bling

to distract? Maybe I should have a giant Jesus on the cross. It would be a conversation piece that'd be nice man start wearing diamonds and no one will even know they'll go what's going on with your head nothing whatever get like get an eagle medallion something big an eagle 3d maybe an eagle on the back of my head bro that american badass now you're thinking with like uh like his claws will have like the american flag in it. Yeah. Don't you find it weird that these colors don't run?

Don't you find it weird that capes never caught on? It seems like we should have capes, like really nice capes. Yeah, I find it totally weird. That's the fucked up thing. It never came back. We didn't wear capes in the 50s. I think capes maybe back in the 1700s and castle times. Well, I think we think of that because of Dracula, right?

But is that what they really wore? I think it was cold as fuck back then, and they hadn't really figured out jackets yet. Yeah. These stupid fucks. They would wear their clothes, and they would have this giant thing that they would throw over them, like a blanket that you run out of the house with. If you wear a cape now, you better be able to back it up with some real shit. That's a compliment.

What if it had tons of pockets for cell phones and money and wallets? It was like a book bag that was a cape. I just think you better be cool, too. It's very purple. I want you to be a really cool dude. Yeah, if you have a cape on. You got to be a bad motherfucker for real. When you walk away, you're like, yeah, it is pretty cool.

I'll take capes over that stupid shit that I saw today at the store where this guy, a grown guy, probably our age, had a fucking wallet chain, but on it it had stuffed animals. I think there were different kinds of Pokemons. And then he had a fucking raccoon tail. He had a raccoon tail? Yeah, those stupid fake tails that people are wearing. Wow, that's a sad man.

How old is this guy? In his 30s? 35, 40. Wow, oh my goodness. I just wanted to... A cape is better than that. A you said? 35, 40. Wow. Oh, my goodness. I just wanted to. Yeah. A cape is better than that. Yeah. A cape is a more powerful statement.

Definitely. The host of Fear Factor in Mexico had a cape. For real? Yeah. Yeah. When we were doing Fear Factor, they spun off a bunch of other Fear Factors. Yeah. And one of them they did in Mexico. I don't even know if they fucking.

It was like official. Really? They might have just ganked it. Yeah. But they would copy our ideas and they would would do them with no safety at all. We had one where we had these people where they had to rescue a dummy out of a burning building. And we put them in these crazy fire suits with a helmet on, and we had dudes standing by with fire extinguishers. When they did it on the Mexican show, they wore shorts.

Wow. They were just people in shorts running through a fucking house that was burning that's you know yeah it was ridiculous it was probably a regular house too ours is a fake house that the uh fire department uses for training in these things it doesn't burn down there's this covering murder yeah there's just that's one thing that's crazy about our country again our country and our culture is so like engrossed within in lawsuits and it operates on them and the fear of them that actually makes things way safer. You think about it, there's countries, not necessarily Mexico, but there's countries in the world where that is never an issue. We want safety.

You fall down, they're like, that's cool. We want safety. We want to be able to do things safe and we want to be able to sue people that don't look out for our safety. But ultimately, somewhere along the line, we're becoming a bunch of pussies. The lawsuit thing is just great. People like... Yeah. They look at it as the lottery.

It's so ridiculous. I mean, there's people that have legitimate concerns and legitimate claims. There definitely are. But then you read about these absolutely insane things that you pin on somebody else for things that you did. Yeah. Everything is somebody else for things that you did. Yeah. Like everything is somebody else's responsibility. You know about the lady that spilled the McDonald's coffee on her? That's so ridiculous. Yeah.

I think they overturned that. I think they actually overturned that. And that's not even bad to hear some of the ones that are fine. The ones that people win in their mouth. Why are you paying this person? Have you heard about the Monsanto lawsuit? Speaking of, they're guilty of chemically poisoning people in france oh they chemically poisoned a french farmer wow yeah that's

gonna be a big suit yeah yeah they were found guilty really yeah yeah i don't know the exact story apparently is the first such claim to ever reach french court and um monsanto uh apparently they have some fucking pesticide there's another thing they found out that in 93 percent of pregnant women they've that they tested they found this pesticide that exists in monsanto genetically modified crops uh-huh yeah uh-huh yeah man you know our politicians sold us down a river they they let all this shit go on because this is a giant company that makes a ton of money. And the way they make the ton of money is they patent plants.

They genetically engineer them so that it's uniquely theirs. And then they decide where they sell it. They decide what price they have for it. And you can't do anything about it. And you have to buy new stuff every year. And if it cross-pollinates with with the neighbor they can sue the neighbor for copyright infringement it's completely crazy they've they've figured out a way to copyright life and they've actually tried to do it with pig parts and monsanto's crazy i mean they've tried to do with

a bunch of different shit but this should have never been able to get to this position the all this is the best evidence that the united states needs the best evidence yeah something like monsanto the best evidence that our political system is completely corrupt yeah because if you were really looking out for people there's no fucking way you would let a company make a bunch of shit take plants patent them then sue people because the fucking the the air carries their pollen they cross pollinate neighbors plants and then this neighbor just you know where the fuck he got that shit from you assholes you know you you're gonna get to sue them and you're gonna take a guy to court and there's india in india there's a whole bang fucking giant group

of farmers that have been killing themselves because they they they get indebted to monsanto and they can't afford to pay their bills. Monsanto's like gangsters. That's like mafia. They will shut you down if you don't play ball. Yeah, well, this is crazy because you've got to think about how much political pull that they have

and the fact that they still lost in court. I mean, that says a lot. You know, I think people are rising up, and they're getting tired of this bullshit. It's ridiculous what these people have allowed to take place. And it doesn't have to continue along the same lines. What we really need is healthy food. What we don't need is a bunch of fucking crazy shit where companies come along and genetically modify crops.

And then they take those crops and then they sell them to people with no evidence whatsoever about the long-term implications of this the exposure to some of these chemicals yeah and what this what is this going to do to the environment you're playing with god man you're doing really crazy shit when you start altering life and then entering that i mean this isn't as simple as you know uh packaging a new kind of soap yeah you're doing you're doing something pretty fucking crazy yeah the people are gonna it's gonna be in their system there's not that much yeah there's not that much evidence or not that much history of genetically modified foods. I mean, we need like 10, 20, 30 years to really analyze what the fuck it does to the environment and people and what's the chain reaction.

What does the wings of the butterfly do from the modified food to how does it affect the ecosystem that all of a sudden it takes over over yeah you know it's it's it's weird man it's weird when you start fucking with life you know it's like you know um i talked to this dude he was talking about uh i was just listening to um uh the op and anthony show and what's his face was on um uh nicholas cage and he was talking about the black rhino going extinct this year and i was telling us do this and he was talking about the black rhino going extinct this year. And I was telling us to do this, and he was like, well, we could just bring it back. If we would just fucking bring back the black rhino.

Oh, you mean like... Can't they do that? Yeah, can't they do that? I mean, they're talking about doing that right now with woolly mammoths. Yeah, but then it becomes the question of, okay, do we need rhinos, though? Do we really need rhinos at this point? Woolly mammoths, just to have a couple at zoos i think would be awesome did you see there's a video in siberia of a bear walking across a stream with

a fish in his mouth and it's really blurry and so people are like it's a woolly mammoth in siberia and then other people are going or a bear with a fish in his mouth how come the woolly mammoth has a blue nose right stupid fucks like maybe there's a woolly mammoth there's there's a whole industry devoted to falsely seeing stuff you know there's like there's all there's shows like full hour programs yeah this is we're going to talk about the shit that we saw yeah it's just people telling you i saw some shit and you're like that's fucking bullshit man you didn't see anything you know when i really learned that when i did that game show in my head show i did this show for cbs and learned that when I did that game show in my head show

I did this show for cbs and what the show was was a game show with hidden cameras and um The way it worked was we would I there was I was the host I don't have a dude with a little earpiece and I would send him out to a place and the cameras were already in place Hidden cameras were in place. I go. All right, dude, you ready? He goes. Yeah, I go. Here's the deal You're a reporter and you are there for the biggest story of your life there was a ufo over hollywood and all these people saw it but by the time you got your camera there and got it set up all the people went away so what you got to do is you got to find someone to get on camera with you

and and talk about their ufo experience and you got to say you got to get someone to get on camera with you and and talk about their ufo experience and you got to say you got to get them to say that they were abducted and probed and they were like oh and the guy's like okay okay okay all right here we go and it was immediate it was immediate it was like no one said no he goes listen man i'm a reporter for this and that here's the deal there was just a ufo sighting Do you think I could get you to come on camera and say that you saw it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then people would just start talking. They were like, well, it was bright silver, and it was spinning over the hemisphere.

And what happened was, and they would just give completely detailed accounts. It's like at this point, people have been so poisoned by pop culture and by the idea of ufos like they can just recall they just they just have this like yeah frozen fake idea in their head from a hundred movies and they can just oh yeah i remember what happened in that movie i just read yeah um there was lights and lights give you such detail they've seen it it's seen it a hundred times it was amazing yeah they just they just lied they just lied not only did they lie they lied and were willing to sign a waiver saying that they lied and that we were going to show it on tv incredible it was it was nuts people love bullshit about stories because they love to be the one to report yeah everybody there's a

fascination with like you want to know what happened yeah and you get to report and then because everybody focuses on you and they're like what happened and so if you're willing to give them like the goods people are willing to listen and you get like uh you know you get a charge out of out of being the one that told everybody yeah they love it anyone it's amazing that they're willing to just make it up yeah just for that for that feeling i think people there's a lot of people that live lives of such shit. Their lives suck so bad that they almost believe what they're saying when they tell you some story about seeing Bigfoot. Sure.

It was probably a bear, and it was 20 years ago, and they were scared, and it was dusk, and they were like, he made eye contact with me. I'll tell you this right now. To the day I die, I swear on the eyes of my children. Yeah. That was a Sasquatch. Yeah.

And they fucking believe it, man. By the time 20 years have passed. Yeah, they've added all kinds of shit, man. That memory ain't even real anyway. I told them. I told them. Your memories that you have from anything more than five years ago, what is that really? Do you really?

I mean, you might remember some really intense shit? Yeah. Barely. Barely, yeah. Barely. You could recall data and information, but how much of that memory can you really pull out? I remember making up a story as a kid. I remember making up a story as a kid and spinning it to people to the point where I would just tell people in detail for years.

From fifth grade on to... And then one day i was like i'm fucking i made this shit up like i just completely made this up i told a story to people about because we lived in minneapolis they're like how cold is it in minneapolis and i was like december 24th of 1989 it was 74 below zero i'm like yeah and i was like it was so cold my teacher's ears froze and they fell off and they're like shut up i was like she's staying at a bus stop we're outside of sacred heart bus came up she didn't have a hat on we'd never it was like the coldest thing ever and she went to touch her left ear and it fell off it was frozen and then when she went to grab her right it fell off in her hand and her ears fell off i saw it and she's like get the fuck out of here i'm like yeah that's what happened it's real and then like one day i was

just like telling somebody you know this doesn't sound real i'm like yeah i think i made this shit up like you forgot yeah i forgot but i made it up i made it up god because i made it up for that feeling but like you know when like when you first discover the feeling when you're 10 years old and you tell someone some wild shit and they go what you're like oh that feels kind of good and so like it was like a 10 year old version of that that i told when i was 10 11 12 and then finally when i'm like 14 15 i was like i i don't think i saw this actually i think i was 10 years old and i told you that my teacher's ears fell off do you think that's what happened with oj that oh that his story is just became almost like indiscernible like maybe this is real i don't know what i don't know man do you think

that is such a crazy reality that we had that we had that figure in our lifetime that is a spectacular climb and fall there's almost that's almost unparalleled when you really think about to be a heisman trophy winning like unbelievable like top top tier world-class athlete and celebrity that parlayed it into this awesome tv movie career i mean he was rental car that was like dude that is that's it like that's basically that's the top of the mountain when it comes to an athlete's career yeah transitioning into celebrity that's their that's the model to follow like how to do it and then for that to be the guy that fucking just butchered people isn't it it crazy? Cut them up. And just over some pussy. And then

wanted to steal back his shit. That's my shit, man. Let it go, son. It's just a little bit of pussy. And now he's locked up for another... He beat the craziest... The crime that we all know that's so crazy. He beat that charge. And went back for some dumb shit. Some

dumb, beyond dumb shit. Beyond dumb shit. Memorabilia. Taking his memorabilia back with a gun. Was that what it was? The Palastation? Palastation, man. That was my first. People own the UFC. Oh, really?

That was my first Las Vegas gig. Really? You played the Palastation? I played the Palastation. Wow, that's locals, right? Those are locals. That's a lot of locals. Yeah.

Locals and people from out of town that don't know any better. Yeah, that's the place, too, where, like, you... Or people actually that like to gamble like to go to those places. They just like to gamble because they have better odds. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because if you go to, like, the Bellagio or one of the big casinos, MGM Grand or something like that, they kind of, I think, you know, they're probably better at getting your money. Yeah, that shit's mostly bullshit.

It seems like it's just, oh, we're here. Let's go spend some money. That shit's real quick, man. It's weird money that shit's real quick man it's weird it's weird i've seen people lose hundreds of thousands of dollars really watched oh yeah yeah what's amazing i've been coming to vegas i've been going to vegas doing ufcs since 2001 2002 that's when i started going to watch 2001 i started going right after uh 9-11 i saw tito Ortiz take on Vladimir Matyushenko. That was right after September 11th. You called that?

No, no, no. I was in the audience. Really? Watching, yeah. It didn't work for them back then. I was just a fan. And so from then to 2012, I've seen some people throw some crazy money away. I bet, man.

It's just a weird place when you have one area where all the rules are different yeah one area just one area one area we could fucking drink whenever you want one spot we got this spot and you could just fucking six o'clock in the morning you never drink you don't ever have to leave your hotel dude we got a giant hotel where you can wander around we have world-class food here and everywhere you can gamble if they had a strip club in the major hotels it would really be the perfect place a strip club and a pool hall you never have to you never have to go anywhere the strip club would be that that would be like a hundred million dollar a year like revenue generation it probably would they put it but you know it'd be too much too much too dark too decadent make people leave

you know make people go somewhere yeah but there's there's places they have in vegas they're like the biggest strip clubs in the world did you know they're enormous that like uh you know macau china do you know what i'm talking about it's a place in china yeah no that's there's they that's their vegas that's their gambling oh that that place the china used place does something like three or four times the money that Vegas does. Oh, wow. Like, it blows it away. Is it because of the volume or because they gamble more?

I would think it's a combination of the two. Chinese gamble hard, dude. I didn't know they build those places in Vegas. A lot of them build it to the standards for Asian people. For Feng Shui, yeah. And the numbers of the floorsian for feng shui yeah and it's uh the numbers of the floors are important the way it's set up is important and there's things that aren't lucky they they make sure that they they do it in accordance with what what chinese people think is lucky mgm mgm used to be you remember what the entrance of the mgm was when it opened what was it

the main entrance was a lion's mouth you were walking into oh yeah oh and it's bad luck for them right and the asians were like, no thanks. They were like, hold on a second. We're going to take that shit down right now. They got the lion's mouth. That's right. They don't want to walk through a lion's mouth. That's because in their country, you can get eaten by a fucking tiger.

They just took that lion out of the MGM. The lion that was living in there? I always thought that was the most depressing thing. It's terrifying. They attacked a trainer there once. Oh, really? Yeah. living in there? Yeah. I always thought that was the most depressing thing. It's terrifying. And they attacked a trainer there once. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, there's this video of it.

Lion attacks trainer at MGM. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. Pull that shit up. See if we can find it. Yeah, I think my favorite is the shark tank at Mandalay Bay. That's the most badass attraction. That's a dope-ass aquarium setup. Yeah. They have a huge tank filled with sharks,

and they have these cool-ass jellyfish, and the jellyfish are all under these psychedelic neon lights, and they're floating around. Mm-hmm. That's a badass fish tank, man. Oh, jeez. This is a crazy video. Dude, it's a bizarre video.

The MGM guys are in the tank with giant male lions, man. And for whatever reason, the lions are just like, bitch. Here he gets up. I don't know what happens. He just finds the guy weak. You know, he just, I bet they're just annoyed, man. They're trapped in this fucking box with these little pink bitches that think that they can survive. Like, why do you think you could stand next to a lion?

I don't care if you raise that thing with a bottle look at the size that look at he just decides to jack the dude like look at that man just decides to fuck that dude up for no reason then the female jumps in and even if they're playing even if he's playing it's like whatever man look at him he just goes after that guy for for no reason and that guy's like oh shit and the other guy for whatever reason he's listening to the other guy so the other guy gets in between the two of them and the lion chases him the guy almost gets jacked wow how scary must that have been and people took that shit with their cell phones i know look at the size of his fucking head and all that crazy hair around him what a nutty animal man that's crazy i did not hear about this yeah well nobody died but it was a freak moment and

you know they have that hair around their neck just so that other lions can't kill them oh really yeah i thought it was interesting that the girl line kind of like was like hey stop what you're biting a human like did you notice that she kind of jumped on them and she might have been like can i bite him too if shit got crazy if some blood came out she might have fucked them up too. Because they're the hunters. The females are the hunters. Have you been following this whole thing with Judge Napitano that got fired from Fox Business? That's crazy. I didn't know anything about the Israeli connection that some people believe.

Pull that thing up. Pull that video up so we can listen to it because it's not long. And it's shocking judge napolitano he had a show on uh fox business where he would really be like super honest about stuff and you know really have an astute uh breakdown of how our political system really functions and how are the american public's been lied to from the beginning and the way he did it is by posing a bunch of questions. What if this? What if that?

And the way he does it, man, it's really... That's actually a different video than I was talking about. Listen to this. No, that's a different video than what you're talking about. I'll find that. This was the video that got him fired. Fired? Yeah.

He got fired the other day for this broadcast. Well, no. The other video was on that as well. I see the one that you just pulled up, Fired? Yeah. He got fired the other day for this broadcast. Well, no. The other video was on that as well. I see the one that you just pulled up, but the other video was being touted as something that got him fired as well. Apparently they were going to fire him no matter what. This was his go out.

But listen to what he says. ... process that validates an establishment that never meaningfully changes. What if that establishment doesn't want and doesn't have the consent of the governed? What if the two-party system was actually a mechanism used to limit so-called public opinion? What if there were more than two sides to every issue, but the two parties wanted to box you into a corner, one of their corners? What if there's no such thing as public opinion, because every thinking person has opinions that are uniquely his own? What if what we call public opinion because every thinking person has opinions that are uniquely his own. What if what we call public opinion was just a manufactured narrative that makes it easier

to convince people that if their views are different, then there's something wrong with that or there's something wrong with them? What if the whole purpose of the Democratic and Republican parties was not to expand voters' choices but to limit them? What if the widely perceived differences between the two parties was just to expand voters' choices, but to limit them? What if the widely perceived differences between the two parties was just an illusion? What if the heart of the government policy remains the same, no matter who's in the White House? What if the heart of government policy remains the same, no matter what the people want? What if those vaunted differences

between Democrat and Republican were actually just minor disagreements. What if both parties just want power and are willing to have young people fight meaningless wars in order to enhance that power? What if both parties continue to fight the war on drugs just to give bureaucrats and cops bigger budgets and more jobs? What if government policies didn't change when government leaders did? What if no matter who won an election, government stayed the same? What if government was really a revolving door for political hacks bent on exploiting the people once they're in charge? What if both parties supported welfare, war, debt, bailouts, and big government?

What if the rhetoric that candidates displayed on the campaign trail was dumped after electoral victory what if Barack Obama campaigned as an anti-war pro civil liberties candidate and then waged senseless wars while assaulting your rights that the Constitution is supposed to protect boom what if George W Bush campaigned on a platform of non-intervention and small government and then waged a foreign policy of muscular military intervention and a domestic policy of vast government borrowing and growth. What if Bill Clinton declared that the era of big government was over, but actually just convinced Republicans

like Newt Gingrich that they can get what they want out of big government too? What if the Republicans went along with it? What if Ronald Reagan spent six years running for president, promising to shrink the government, but then the government grew while he was in the White House? What if, notwithstanding Reagan's ideas and cheerfulness and libertarian rhetoric, there really was no Reagan revolution at all? What if all this is happening again again what if Rick Santorum is being embraced by voters who want small government even though senator Santorum voted for the Patriot Act for an expansion of Medicare and for raising

the debt ceiling by trillions of dollars what if Mitt Romney is being embraced by voters who want anyone but Barack Obama but they don't realize that Mitt Romney might as well be Barack Obama on everything from warfare to welfare. What if Ron Paul is being ignored by the media, not because, as it claims, he's unappealing or unelectable, but because he doesn't fit into the pre-manufactured public opinion mold used by the establishment to pigeonhole the electorate and create the so-called narrative that drives media coverage of elections? What if the biggest difference between most candidates was not substance but style? What if those stylistic differences were packaged as substantive ones to reinforce the illusion of a difference between Democrats and Republicans?

What if Mitt Romney wins and ends up continuing most of the same policies that Barack Obama promoted? What if Barack Obama's policies, too, are merely extensions of those from George W. Bush? What if a government that manipulated us could be fired? What if a government that lacked the true and knowing consent of the governed could be dismissed? Now he's getting crazy. What if it were possible to have a real game changer? What if we need a Ron Paul to preserve and protect our freedoms

from the government? That's what he got fired for. What if we could make elections matter again? What if we could do something about this? From New York, defending freedom every night of the week. It's so depressing that we're really in a situation where this is the situation.

We're really stuck here? This is where we're at, 2012. Was that the final broadcast? This guy is absolutely right. I don't know if that was his final broadcast, but it was a very powerful one. It is, yeah. That is powerful stuff.

The other one that he talks about, he makes connections on 9-1-1 with Israeli, like how it's really weird to actually watch it what was their reason what did they announce was the reason for firing him oh i don't know man i don't think they did i think uh you know the look people get fired for all sorts of different things all the time i'm not necessarily sure that he got fired because of that right you know but that's definitely something he went pretty fucking was this guy getting far out of the show yeah yeah yeah yeah it's popular it should be even more popular now but the things that he said they're gonna they're gonna take off on the internet you know that that video is gonna

take off on the internet it already is right what is it what's the hits on it right now 444 000 yeah and by the way there's a gang of those it's not just that one yeah there's a gang of those out there that's not just one person put it up on on youtube yeah yeah it's fucking powerful shit man he's absolutely right too i mean how would it how do you fire the government though that's the yeah jesus something's gonna happen though something's happening you know and i think the government's recognizing it as well you know this is gonna be an adjustment there's gonna be some there has to be because otherwise it's a dictatorship you know at a certain point in time when you're really not doing the will of the people at all and you really are suppressing the people and you really are taking away liberties you're

really trying to turn us into a fucking crazy dictatorship yeah it's really not much different than that i don't know how anybody views this shit without being cynical after you after obama after well just after you turn a certain age like i feel like it all i really do feel like it all doesn't matter like whoever you vote for that nothing is really going to be different you know what has it ever really like you know you start hearing that when when the speeches start come about we're time to change hollywood i'm not i'm not i'm a washington outsider and i'm about to go in there we're going to change shit up now that's the always the one where you're like that's not going to happen man yeah after a certain age you realize

it's not going to happen well you realize they're not telling you the truth if Obama wanted to say some really radical things he could have already said it and you know Chris Rock really did this really fascinating interview recently where he said that he thinks that Obama's going to wait until his second term then he's going to do some crazy shit I'm like, God, that sounds like your wishful thinking. That sounds to me like, have you paid attention to what he has done? Almost irreversible damage. That National Defense Authorization Act that treats the United States like a battlefield and allows indefinite suspension or detention of American civilians with no warrant, that's insanity.

You don't need that. We're not falling apart. We don't have violence in the streets every day we're not in the middle of an arab spring situation we don't have nuclear bombs dropping on our city what the fuck are you doing instigating or pushing forward those kinds of laws and legislation the number one thing that we're supposed to be about is the pursuit of liberty it's supposed to be liberty and justice for all that's like that's how it ends right with liberty and justice for all that's what how it ends, right? With liberty and justice for all.

That's what we want. And you're taking away liberty. For what? For what? Are you giving us extra justice? Is that what you... No. It's bullshit is what it is. It's 100% bullshit.

It's not representative of the people. It's sad and it's got to change. Just how does it change? I don't know. It scares the shit out of everybody, right? Absolutely. That judge is on Twitter under Judge scares the shit out of everybody, right? Absolutely, yeah. That judge is on Twitter

under JudgeNapNAP. Oh, really? Maybe get him on an upcoming podcast. Do you think so? Maybe. Can he even talk to us?

Sure. He'd probably lock us in jail. I don't know about that. His hair, JudgeNap. He uses a good pomade. What's his full name? What's his name?

Judge Napolitano. Yeah, I call him Nappy Tano because he has a nappy tan. I'm following him now. He's only got 55 name? Judge Napolitano. Yeah. I call him Nappy Tano because he has a nappy tan. I'm following him now. He's only got 55,000 followers. Freedom Watch. Yeah.

They need to cancel that shit. Him and Alex Jones. We need to get Alex Jones on this podcast also sometime. Yeah. Alex is going to do it. He'll do it when he's in LA again. And Alex is fucking crazy. If you have Alex on our podcast, you'll get a view as to what's up.

He's right about a lot of shit, man. I mean, he's a soldier. He's out there fucking beating the bushes. Is he a daily show? He's a daily thing, right? Does he have a daily show? Yeah. He has a whole studio.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. His studio is pretty fucking impressive. His show is huge. It's enormous. There's a lot of people who listen to it. Yeah. You know, it's all doom and gloom, though, man.

Yeah, I've seen clips of him. Doom and gloom. The best show we ever had was the time when Joey Diaz took over. Oh, I remember that. I remember that day. Boom. We've talked about it too many times on the podcast. We hash it.

But it was one of the most glorious things I've ever seen. Have you ever been the type of person that when you drive around, you see a hot chick, you'll wink at them or give them kissy faces or anything? No. Lately, I've been doing it more. Really? Just because I realized that. Because I realized you pretty much can do that

and you'll never see that person ever again. They'll never know who you are. Yeah, but you're putting out a creeper feel. No, but I don't do creepy ones. I'd just be like making like silly faces at them. Oh, God, that's even worse. They don't even know you and you're making silly faces? It's just funny seeing people's reactions.

I love it. How many people freak out? There's a lot of fear that you're generating. Yeah, you're putting out some bad hoodoo out there bro there's it's mostly laughter laughter like mostly laughter they'll laugh yeah yeah oh that's good yeah it's just like they look over like what the fuck's going on over here right you know probably yeah yeah probably that's what you just decided to be a creep at this age yeah i don't know why i started i think it's because it's i saw somebody do it to somebody else once,

and I was like, that's hilarious. That person just made that person laugh and then drove off and never to see that person again. Have you ever been around the one guy who can't not hit on a chick? You know that guy who you're hanging out with him and you can't even hang out with him because they'll just abandon you for a chick. Yeah.

I remember when I was in an apartment in Hollywood when I was like 21, 22, and had some friends come out, and one of the guys was that guy who just can't stop. So when I went to bed, I had my bedroom. We had like three friends in the living room and one girl. We had all gone to school together. And I offered her, I was like, you can sleep in my bed, like not in a offered her i was like you can sleep in my bed like not in a creep way but like you can but like i'll fuck you like i'm gonna try but i'm not gonna make it like so anyways she was like no i'm good um i'll sleep

out here and i was like all right like you know right fine and then like five minutes later i got like a like a knock on the door i was like what's up and she's there and she was like yeah he just tried to lick my neck when i was when i went to sleep oh my god i was like you want to sleep in here now she's like yeah i was like okay that's cool and i wasn't a creep though you didn't try to fuck her did you try to spoon her at all i think so oh that's nice i think i got the like you got a swat i think she swatted you like get off me it definitely didn't happen wow she came for comfort and then you you just... No, I didn't molest her. Did she cuddle with you at all? No, I think it was very much like...

Because when somebody just is leaving, she was just leaving, like, that shit was really uncomfortable. I wasn't going to be like, well, let me extend that feeling for you. Right. No, I was just like... But you try to settle into a new level of comfort, and then creep slowly. Honestly, I can tell you this, man. There's a lot of times when i was single that i didn't pursue that stuff because i was too tired and i would because you're too tired i would just

go to sleep why is that why are you so tired no i mean like when it was late at night like i was the i was and there's a hot chick i would be i'd be like yeah i'm gonna go to sleep whoa yeah that's weird yeah but i mean not like thyroid checked out no No, but I'm saying that alcohol, alcohol. Oh, alcohol. Yeah, alcohol. Not sober. Yeah. There's nothing sadder than having a whiskey dick. Friday, Saturday night, I'd be like, I'd be a totally potential like college thing.

I'd be like, I think I'm going to go to sleep right now. That sounds like the best thing. I would just lay down. Yeah. I just got my thyroid checked. I just got a physical using the same doctor as Tommy. Yeah. And it's so funny.

Why would you yell that? Because he's the fucking best doctor. The doctor's awesome. Oh, I thought you were yelling about Brian getting a physical. No, no, no. Like, yeah! I love medical shit. Did he check your asshole out? Because he didn't.

He skipped my asshole. I was like, I mean, I cleaned it for hours. For hours? Did you use a toothbrush? Huh? No, I did one of those things that scratch your asshole. Scratch it like a maxi pad? No, those lupas.

A lufa sponge? Really? You lufa'd it? Lufa'd. I lufa'd my asshole. I scratched it all up. What about the inside? That's the important part.

No, no, no. I didn't do anything like that. But I did test. When I was in the shower, I was testing like, all right, this is what it's kind of going to be like. Oh, you put a finger under your asshole? Like, I just wanted to like. All right. So what are they looking for? B to be like. Oh, you put a finger under your asshole. Like, I just wanted to like,

all right. So what are they looking for? Bumps? What are they looking for? Well, they didn't do it. He didn't do it. No.

What are they reaching and they look, oh yeah, I think a bump. Yeah. See, I was most concerned about my asshole too.

So I'm really kind of upset that he didn't. Why were you most concerned about it? Because I think, I think that's where the most death would be from, you know,

would be from asshole. You, that you would get it. Most death? Would be from asshole stuff. You would get it. But you smoke cigarettes. Wouldn't you worry about balls? No, but I just... You worry about your ass. I have weird ass issues. Really?

You know, we've talked about that. But he did feel my balls up, which was weird. Like, I mean, a guy... And he's just, like, rolling them in his hand. He goes, yep, that's fine. Did you think that maybe if he jerked you off, you could come? No, no. No way?

My dick is so small when it gets checked it was when i get the ball check but i almost want to point it out like i almost want to be like every time i get like a physical and they're like i want to be like you just you should see it some other time when he checked my cock he did like the thing where he had to like pull it out kind of like one of those old uh hippie uh guitar string you know where you hold the thing. They pulled it out and looked at it. And then he checked all of it and took all these blood tests. But he's testing me for everything. And then he's like, so you want to do all STDs?

I'm like, yeah, might as well. I'm dating a porn star. And he goes, oh, you are? He goes, all right. We can do that. Brian's the opposite of that. He needs to talk to him. Well, you know how it is when you're dating a porn star.

Well, what he said is, he's like, well, you should be fine because they get tested every 20 days. And I'm like, yep, that's exactly a bit in my act. And he's like, oh, you mooch off her test. And I'm like, yep, exactly. He's a funny doctor, though. This guy's really good. And he said, tell Tom, you know, start sending some hot chicks. And I said something really like in the-

Let's not say his name on the air because that might be a bit unethical. No, but when we were in the waiting room where I just you know paid and everything that i'm about to walk out and he goes well it's good seeing you brian tell thomas that hi and i'm like okay i'm sorry i'm not hot for you or something like that and it came out like when i was like everyone in the room's like what the fuck and then i'm like i'm sorry i'm not pretty enough never mind at the doctors that's hilarious everybody in that room probably had no idea what was going on. So what did he say about your lungs and cigarettes and stuff like that? He said everything was perfect.

I was good. Perfect. Now they're doing the blood test. I would like to second that evaluation. You are perfect. What do they check when they check your lungs? They make you... For cancer and that's it?

They just make you do huge deep breaths while they listen all up and down your chest and your back oh and then how long does it take for you to die from cigarettes i don't know man it's just it really matters if you i think if you have cancer in your family and i don't have cancer and some people like genetically just don't get it i think so man yeah i mean there's definitely stories right oh i know i know a friend's uh grandparents who lived into their 90s and smoked and drank and ate red meat and whoa just died. They didn't die of cancer they died at an old age. Well they had a good time that's why they were smiling. Yep they were loving it man. Drinking every day.

There was something that I read once I don't know if it's documented but that 100% of all people that live to be over 100 eat red meat. Really? Yeah. There's never been a documented case of a vegetarian that lives to be over 100. That could be total horseshit. You fucking crazy vegans. Don't you text me about this.

Don't you tweet me. It's from the bologna company. Vegans. Vegans are the quickest to the fucking, the tweet. Yeah. The angry tweet. The angry dietary tweet. Yeah.

They are. And the quickest to diarrhea too. It's the quickest to diarrhea? I think so. A lot of fiber involved. Yeah, yeah. You're going to be really shitting with that vegan diet. I love a fucking good vegan meal, though.

I love vegetable meals. I've had a few. I drink that kale shake every day. That's fantastic for you, man. I have a kale salad a few times a week from a place nearby. It's hard to get grass-fed meat these days, man. Apparently, all of it's getting consumed up in Northern California. All the hippies up there love it.

Really? Yeah, yeah. All natural grass meat, yeah. It's way better for you and you just go to whole foods they don't have it no they're out of it a lot really yeah because up up north look there's only a certain amount of people that are growing grass-fed meat and it's become super popular lately so all these you know it's more popular in berkeley and san francisco i'm sure than down here in in retardville so they uh they can sell all of their their cows up there why ship them all the way down to los angeles yeah

so they're having an issue like last tuesday though the whole foods near me didn't even get a ship in a grass-fed meat wow yeah i have to go there on tuesday to get the meat it's crazy that's the only time they taste the difference like a fuck yeah 100 it's a totally different meat it's a totally different animal because the the cow that is raised on corn they're fat fucks they're they're marbled and it's really delicious yeah you know it's it's really really fucking yummy because all that fat gets all like a ribeye from a corn corn raised cow is great because it's so juicy but it's not quite as healthy for you. And it doesn't taste the same. When you get a grass-fed ribeye, there's much less marbling,

and you've got to cook it quicker because it'll dry out. There's much less fat in it. So you sort of sear it. You're getting a better piece of meat, though. God damn, it's good, though. It's totally different. It's almost like a gamey animal. Not gamey.

It tastes better. totally different it's almost like a gamey animal not gamey yes it's it's you know it tastes uh like buffalo almost or something almost yeah it tastes better it tastes like you're eating a healthy animal yeah you know yeah there's some steaks i've had where i'm like oh man like you feel your body kind of slowing down yeah that was not grass-fed beef though is supposed to be way healthier for you too it's something about the actual animal being healthy that like a lot of guys i know a lot of fighters have switched to grass-fed meat recently my my buddy uh einstein who listens to this all the time was one of eddie's black belts said uh his performance really started increasing when he upped his greens and unchanged to all grass-fed meat really it's a big difference yeah yeah it's just healthier you know it just makes

sense that your body would respond better if you're eating healthier animals yeah it does make sense we're fucking up man yeah fucking up you eat your veggies and fruits fucking up our goddamn monsanto fruits and vegetables it's crazy man fat fuck cows and our farm grown fish because all the fish in the ocean are dead yeah man you know they said that the next hundred years is going to be the last wild fish in the ocean are dead. Yeah, man. You know, they said that the next 100 years is going to be the last wild fish in the world. Within the next 100 years, there will be no more wild fish in the oceans. What? Yep.

We'll have outfished the entire ocean. We as a baloney company also say that. No, they think about it from an exponential growth point of view that there'll be more people in 100 years. I mean, think about 100 years ago, there was only like a billion people on the planet. Now there's 7 billion. So crazy. Right? It's crazy. What's it going to be 100 years you know i mean think about 100 years ago there was only like a billion people on the planet now they're seven billion so right it's crazy what's it going to be 100 years from now is it going to be 30 billion where are they going to get all their protein from a lot of it's going to be fish it's easy to catch and they're going to once they they you know they're

going to they're going to fucking just troll everything they're going to suck all that fucking fish out of there they're going to eat whales they're going to do everything they can eat they're going to everything that humans can consume and then 100 years from now we're gonna have to figure it out it'll just be an empty ocean that would be crazy that would be crazy could you imagine if we actually kill everything in the ocean within a thousand years if people live to be a thousand years why is that outside the realm of possibility yeah there was something i tweeted earlier today about the garbage patch that some lady went to the garbage patch it's in the middle of pacific ocean for folks who don't know bigger than texas there's a giant hunk of garbage all plastic that's kind of caught together in like this one swarm it's like caught

up i guess in like the way the tides go there's one area where it's collected where it's enormous it's bigger than the state of texas which takes like more than a day to drive through all right so that's how much garbage is out there. And it's just getting bigger. And it's going to keep getting bigger. Forever. Is that a homeless person's heaven? You think they all talk about it as if it's like Disney World?

There you go. Magic going there. You never run out of magic. I think the plastic breaks down, though. I think that's part of the issue is that the salt water breaks it down to like jelly like little particles and it's it's really fucked it's not like just like stuff floating you can scoop up yeah it becomes like almost liquid yeah it's fucked up man it's like we're so creepy you don't think about what we do we kill all the rhinos we fuck the ocean over we eat all the fish we throw our garbage in it you drive by um trash

what they call it trash plants you know talking oh yeah sure yeah landfills landfills yeah and you see how like they're like you know they're a higher altitude yeah than like the street level you know that's just gonna keep growing like yeah that's gonna be like a building of garbage yeah you know it's like mountains like hills stanhope Stanhope and I filmed the finale of the man show in a garbage dump. Really? Yeah, because the girls were trying to con us into taking them to an island. There was two of the girls that were in the old man show, and we didn't get along with them so well.

And they were like, Adam and Jimmy used to take us to the Bahamas. We should do that. You should take us to the Bahamas. We'll film the final scene there. And then we thought about it, and Doug and I were like, we should do it at a garbage dump. And I was like, well, you think about it, man. I wanted to do it at a garbage dump in New Jersey.

I wanted to do it at the stinkiest, grossest dump. I said, if you're at home and you're watching us, these two assholes, hang out with girls who never fuck you in a place where you can never afford to go to. Well, how's that fun for you? I go, it would be much more fun for you to watch us in a dump. Sure. It's so much funnier too.

So we, yeah, that's what I felt like. Yeah. They were so mad at us. Oh, it was gross in their defense. It was really funny that they asked for it though.

First, they were like, what's up with the Bahamas? Yeah. They wanted to go garbage dump. Well, you know, it's,

I don't blame a man, that culture of the, the hot chick culture of asking for things. Yeah. They would like, you know, rub the writer blame them, man. That culture, the hot chick culture of asking for things. Yeah. They would, like, you know, rub the writer's shoulders. And you're going to put us in a scene. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah.

That's gross shit, though. Yeah, well, that was the culture of it. Yeah. Yeah. There was a lot of grossness going on. But none of it was as gross as that garbage dump. We made up for all of it. Fucking foul.

It's so bad. We were eating lunch, and there's fucking garbage dust floating in the air. Yeah. It was on Catalina. Catalina has a giant garbage dump. Do they really? Yep. Enormous.

That's kind of a trip that that whole... It's a bummer, man. That whole society there. I think a lot of our garbage goes out there. That sucks. Yeah.

It does suck. Catalina, for folks who don't know, is an island outside of the coast of Los Angeles. Yeah, 14 miles. 14 miles off the coast. I've never gone.

Do you recommend it? It's cool, man. There's no cars driving around. Just golf carts and shit. It's big enough that you can actually live there. You can go on a ferry or a helicopter. I took the helicopter. Maybe that's where we should put our compound. The next year, that helicopter company crashed.

Really? Yeah. Somebody died? Yeah. Fuck helicopters. And somebody died? Yeah. Jesus. Fuck helicopters. It wouldn't have been you though, right? Nah. Nah. You can't stop me. You can't hold me down. Y'all can't see me. Not me, bro.

I'll tell you what, man. Fuck that helicopter. Fuck that shit. I'll grab that fucking propeller with my hand and I'll spin it myself. Plus I got heart. I got a lot of heart you can't measure. You can't fuck with my heart, bro. It ain't the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog.

That's what it is. This dog can hunt. Would you live on Catalina? What if we got a giant piece of land in Catalina, and that's where we set up our compound? I'd have to check it out first, because I don't like not having best buys and things like that. It's totally true. We should seriously look into a good place where we can all move. Just everybody.

Outside of LA, but close enough, we'll just get a giant chunk of land, get a few hundred acres. Yeah. All of us build houses there. Do you know how dope that would be if we could have our own M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dongs in the village? That'd be awesome. Can we have a lake? I like lakes. Yes.

How cool would it be, for real, if we all, we got everyone that we know that's cool, and we decided we're all going to invest in some property and build houses there? Yeah, and all your friends live in the neighborhood. That'd be fucking awesome. If you lived down the street and Chrysler was there, and you could hear, I don't even like when a machine drives. Yeah, Eddie Bravo lived up the hill. I was a bear one time.

Brian lived down the hill, and Duncan lived over there, and Ari lives over there. That would be fucking awesome. Yeah. That's how fucking cults get started, though. That's what happens. Yeah. That would actually be the most fun. We talked about Christina and I, because she also loves Bert's wife.

Really? In what way? In that way? Yeah. You know what's up. It's Valentine's Day. What? Yeah. By the way, I just realized i'm doing a fucking 420 show i'm doing a 420 show in uh in atlanta where's that place i'm doing it

brian uh is it on my twitter thing it just doesn't land on your twitter doesn't want to pull up on my laptop it looks weird man when i try looking at It looks weird man when I try looking at Yeah, I'm doing some nice I'm doing someplace in Atlanta some high times 420 though, it's 420 Oh, yeah, I've never done a 420 show on purpose Tabernacle tabernacle It's called a tab. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle.

Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Tabernacle. Because Atlanta fucking crowds are awesome. Awesome. By the way, one of the most underrated cities in the country. For sure. And they have a great comedy community. They do.

Yeah. The Punchline Atlanta has a great community. I love the Laughing Skull. I haven't been. But I heard that's great, too. I heard that's great, too. Laughing Skull is at the Vortex. I think that's in Midtown.

And that's like, it seats 74, 75. So it's like the Ice House. Like the second stage. Yeah. Yes. And that is a great, it's one of my favorite clubs to play. Are we doing the Ice House Friday? Yeah.

By the way, folks, we try to do the Ice House whenever I'm in town. March is going to be the shit. We're going to do a gang of them in March because I'm home a lot in March. Me too. So we're going to have a lot of fucking Ice House shows. We're going to do a lot of full weekends, Friday and Saturdays, whenever we can. But Tommy Bunz will be involved in this. Yeah, man.

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Ice House is the shit. Next week, I'm actually recording my new album. Oh, that's right. Oh, shit. And you're going to be doing it at the Comedy Works in Denver. Yes.

Which is one of the greatest clubs in the history of the fucking million universe. I'm doing, there's two clubs. I'm doing the South Club. That's great also. Yes. That's awesome too. That's a bigger place a bigger place they have a balcony yeah they do if you are in denver i hit weed there too when is it ember yeah we hit we hit weed somewhere in that place oh really yes look guys we're gonna find it next time i come to my show look for the weed and where

um uh say the game the dates again december yeah you December? Yeah, you did. Oh, wow. It's not December, guys. It is this month, which is February, right? February. And it's Friday the 24th and Saturday the 25th. Okay, beautiful. I'm recording a new album at the Comedy Works South. I tweeted the link. If you go to...

Tom Segura, S-E-G-U-R-A. Yeah, you gotta go. Come out. It'll be fucking so much fun. If you've never seen Tommy, he's S-E-G-U-R-A. Yeah, you got to go. Come out. It'll be fucking so much fun. If you've never seen Tommy, he's way funnier as a stand-up than he is talking on a podcast. Don't be confused. You go, wow, he's kind of monotone. He's kind of sexy.

Yeah. I find his voice sexy. Yeah. Hey, you told me... So anyway, folks, 24th, 25th, 26th as well? No, just 24th, 25th. I mean, I'm there 23rd to 25th, but the recording is the 24th and 25th. Who's putting out your CD?

Well, that's actually one of the things I'm actually thinking of doing it myself. Do it. Do it yourself. We'll pump the shit out of it up here. That's what I want to do. Folks, for real, Tommy's hilarious. You know, Tom and I met a long time ago when I was doing the Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron. And what we'd do is we'd go to these different places and they would have like a local guy open up for us

everyone that opened up for us was really funny it was really good like local talent because it was the Maxim Bud Light comedy tour and they really did

a good job of casting the local guys but when we did Phoenix Tommy wasn't even local just somehow or another he got involved in this and he was one of those guys where he went up

and I went holy shit I go this guy's fucking funny. It was dark, and it was really well written. We became besties. Yeah, we became besties, man, ever since then. That was fun.

That's actually the thing I was telling you, is that every time I've opened for you since then, your crowds are always the shit. They're awesome. I'm totally pleading to the Joe Rogangan yeah come out come out it's always been you guys are always amazing audience well colorado's my my place everybody knows that i fucking love colorado if i could convince my fucking crazy wife eventually i will be back in colorado that place calls me i'll be back that club wendy is awesome she's my favorite club owner in the history of club owners she's the shit she is awesome she's my favorite club owner in the history of club

owners she's the shit she is awesome she's and she uh owns and runs both of them she's uh just a badass woman cool as fuck real fan of comedy a real friend of comedy or you know she has an open mic program that's better than anybody's in the country or anybody's i've ever been involved with ever in my whole time in comedy when you do do comedy works, you'll work with different people through the weekend, right? Like different people in each show. And all their local guys that will open for you are all headliners. Yeah. You have just headliners opening for you.

They're great. They're great. The whole show is fucking dope. She takes care of guys. She pays them well. Her food is great, especially in South. South, she has a gourmet restaurant there. Oh, Jesus.

It's fucking phenomenal. It's really good. God damn, I love Colorado. It's snowing as fuck there, though. 80 degrees here. Suck it. Suck it. Yeah.

But snow is awesome when you don't have to go anywhere. Remember those times when you go out your back porch and you just fucking hear nothing? Yeah. Because it's snowing. The way sound just gets absorbed in snow yeah i love it's some great fucking times i just don't want to live in it i just but i do like yeah i like visiting snow i like visiting it too i would like to get a house somewhere where it's cold you know where i could visit on occasion and you know i just have to get some more baller

money but now i'm fucked because it looks like fear factor is gonna fucking bite it what why it's over really i thought it was like some of the best ratings drop that much down um well there's a bunch of issues i think some of the one of the issues is uh let's be honest it's a bit low bro and uh nbc is trying to have quality programming like the office are you serious i think so yeah i think there's issues even if the numbers they haven't yeah they haven't decided yet uh they, they've got a point, man. I see what you're trying to do. I'm no Hayton.

I love doing it just because I love the guys that I work with. I love David Hurwitz and Matt Kunitz and Rupert and all the people that all. Rupert Thompson, the director. All the people that I worked with were really fucking awesome people. They're really fun to be around. It's like a family. And I miss them. The five years that I didn't work with them. And then working with them again for this really short season. They're really fun to be around. It's like a family. And I miss them, you know, the five years that I didn't work with them.

And then working with them again for this really short season, it was really fun. But it's not my favorite thing to do. I'm good at it. I've been doing it for a long time. I know how to host a game show, but I prefer doing stand-up

and working for the UFC and this. They should move that show to HBO, have nudity, like you're eating fucking fish from girls' vaginas. Nah, nah, I think it's over. And, you know, the other thing was, like, I was telling them to HBO have nudity like you're eating fucking fish from girls' vaginas and yeah. I think it's over. And you know, the other thing was like, I was telling them that the donkey loads were too much. I was

like, you can't do this. You can't do this. NBC approved it. NBC approved it. And I was like, just because they approved it doesn't mean you should be doing this. Seriously. Really? You could see that? When I'm the voice of reason, when I'm the one who's telling you we're going too far, like's it, yeah. Like, what is happening here?

It's just, they got a little crazy. They wanted to have an awesome show. You know, whatever. It was a fun thing while it lasted. And I honestly believe that these new episodes were better than any of the ones we ever did before. I enjoyed it. I don't see anything wrong with it. And I think it's silly that NBC wouldn't do that.

Because all their other shows are hurt and bad. They suck. That Whitney show just got horrible reviews or ratings. I watched it the other that NBC wouldn't do that because all their other shows are hurt and bad. They suck. That Whitney show that's got horrible ratings. I watched it the other day. It was not good. But it's hard. It's hard to do a good sitcom. It's hard to do it right.

I heard she's a funny stand-up. I've never seen her perform before. But I heard that Chris Lee is a funny comic as well. He's buddies with Brian. I've never seen him perform as well. So how is it that they can have two really funny people and not have a funny show? A lot of times, there's just too many cooks in the kitchen. A lot of times, they're trying to accomplish something.

They're trying to get a vibe going. They're trying to find their footing. They believe in it, though, because they renewed it. They renewed it for another season. Oh, did they? Yeah. They're both funny people. They both are funny people.

Well, it takes a while, man. I really enjoyed my time on news radio. But I got a real deep respect for the craft of creating a television show. And that's one of the reasons why I never did it again. One of the reasons why I never did it again was, first of all, I knew that the guys that I was working with were incredibly talented. Paul Sims, the executive producer, was such an interesting and intelligent guy. And his sensibilities were so out there. I knew that after working with him, it was going to be really hard to do another sort of sitcom, a real mainstream, even if it's a successful one. It's hard to do crap.

You realize that how much writing is everything. Everything. You see these shows that are so good, and you're like, holy shit. I shouldn't say it's everything, because good writing with shit delivery and shit comics and shit actors is not good either. Right. It's a huge part of the problem. It is.

Part of the equation, rather. And you need real eccentrics to write. I mean, one of the things that these guys were, there's a couple of them that were stand-ups that were on the staff. But for the most part, they were just really bright, silly guys who knew how to put together something funny. It's fucking rare. For every Matt Stone and Trey Parker, there's 100 pretenders, at least. At least. Many more.

You can get caught on one of those sitcoms where you're reading the script and you're like, what the fuck am I doing, man? Yeah. Ugh. There's those intangibles, too, like a show airs and sometimes it just gets legs. People are drawn to it you know yeah

and then sometimes you feel like everything's right like we got the right scripts are great we got great actors every now and then airs people don't respond to it man

that's probably yeah I mean a lot of times it's who's the production company and what kind of pull they have with the network and where they decide to put the show but I would definitely

do another acting gig I really enjoyed doing that movie with Kevin James, the Zookeeper movie. That was a lot of fun. But it was mostly fun because Kevin and I have been friends since we were really young,

and to do a movie, even though it was a silly kids movie. Yeah, it was fun. It's fun to act. It was fun to do the thing with Leslie Bibb and the chick from Talladega Nights. I was like, this is kind of crazy. I'm acting with a girl from Talladega Nights. And I hadn't done any acting in fucking 10 years.

Yeah. So it was weird. That was fun would i would totally do something like i was totally do a sitcom or something fun acting again but for the most part one of the weirdest things about being a comic is that everybody wants to put you into some acting situation where you're going to do something that's not nearly as funny as your act that's true yeah you know yeah or you can see it like when you audition they were like like punch it up or you change it you'll add something yeah they'll be like that was really funny like well yeah i kind of have to do this a lot yeah you gotta sometimes stuff up sometimes to get mad

you know i got yelled at one time too what they said um the guy laughed and then we did it we did it again and he was like that's just rude man and i was like what he was like, that's just rude, man. And I was like, what? He was like, that's rude. And he meant it was rude that I tagged the line. I made up a line. Whoa. And he laughed the first time. And then he was like, it's really rude. You need to drop that.

And I was like, whoa. Fuck him. He fucked me up so badly. Then we did the third take. And I was like, yeah. OK. I didn't even move my face. What a weak bitch.

Yeah. And I was like, you just laughed at it, man. Everybody laughed at it. That's 100% ego right there. Yeah. He wasn't even the, he was just a casting guy. He wasn't a director or the producer on it. He was just like rolling camera. Well, he was trying to fuck with you then.

Yeah. You know, whatever it was, saying it's rude. He's an idiot. That was one of the coolest things about news radio is that Paul Simmons would let us make up entire scenes. If a scene didn't work, Dave Foley was like the secret producer on the set he would just like rewrite a scene really completely do it differently dave foley's a genius his his ability to like see scenes and see jokes and see like you know like you know his sketch background from kids in the hall yeah created a

lot of sketches a great writer awesome you know he got off track with his life and you know he had a lot of hard times we had him on the podcast once talk about as a fascinating fascinating story of of caution a cautionary tale you know if what could happen if you're involved in a terrible relationship and it goes wrong and you know you have spiteful ex-wife and the poor guy man it's really horrendous you know and that led to all sorts of other issues as well but as a as a writer and as a like a guy who like as a comedian he's a genius talented guy brilliant just a brilliant and as a guy, as a comedian, he's a genius. Just a talented guy. Brilliant. Just a brilliant, really interesting, funny guy.

Really smart guy. You should get him back on. He was great. Yeah, I'd love to have him back on to help his comedy because I haven't heard anything about him. Have you heard of him? I saw him driving one day, and that's the last I saw him. He looks sad driving.

Well, I know that he had some setbacks. I mean, he can't go to Canada at all. If he goes to Canada, they'll arrest him now. That's crazy. Yeah, he owes some crazy amount of money. Then he had a show that took off for a little while. The pilot got picked up, then it got canceled. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think I saw that. I saw a commercial for it. It's a hard fucking world, dude. It is, dude. The world of trying to create a sitcom is not fun. No. And the odds of you being there, there's so many people out there trying to do a sitcom is not fun no you know and the odds of you and there's so many people out there trying to do it oh i've written a couple have you i've

written a couple scripts yeah pilots yeah and it's like i don't know it's uh the other thing is comes naturally something brain you're just pulling your hair out and then you you rewrite it so many times and some reason they're like yeah you need to make some more change like i've already written it fucking 40 times well not, not only that, by the way, they will never let you create your own show. Right. Because if you create

your own show, you own the show and if you own the show, that's fucking billions. Yeah. They have that thing locked down. Yeah.

The only people who can own shows and be showrunners and be executives, those people are already deep, deep, deep in the business. Yeah.

There's very little room for some new guy who creates his own show. You know, you have to be paired up with some dude who's already a production company. They know what's at stake there. You're not doing your own thing. Yeah, you can't just come to them independently and say, hey, NBC, my name's Tom Segura.

Me and my buddy, we wrote a sitcom. I'm going to be the creator and executive producer, and he's going to be the director. Is that cool with you? Yeah, you guys are creative. Come on in. No way, because that's a money train. They're giving you a free ticket on the money train yeah you know you get like some roseanne style syndication money or seinfeld syndication money they know what's involved in that in a

successful show so they got they got that situation all locked up that's one of the reasons why so many of those shows suck you know they got the same dudes feeding people the same slop you know there's like if you look at like the showrunners of certain like hit shows There's like like two and a half man Does he that dude does like a gang of them the one that Charlie was brought brawling with yeah that guy does like Fuck does how I make big bang Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking Mike and Molly like that's his too. Yeah, he does imagine what that makes ridiculous money Yeah, he's got it locked up Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that dude owns Yeah, he's got it locked up.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that dude owns hits, television hits. Wouldn't you have loved to see the arguments with him and Charlie Sheen on DVD? Wouldn't it be great if somebody filmed them? If somebody on the Two and a Half Men set filmed some of the arguments? I'm sure they have that. Fuck, I wish I would love to see that.

We just have to wait until they all die. Egos, man. I think that's the guy who also got... Do you remember Brett Butler? Do youtt butler do you remember her do you remember when she was a big tv star she had a that yeah she had a show what was the show i don't uh but i remember her yeah what the fuck was that show yeah god damn it was it brett butler show no no no no raging something something caroline no uh fuck man grace under fire Raging or something. Something. Caroline. No. Fuck, man. Grace Under Fire. Grace Under Fire.

Yeah. Grace Under Fire. Well, she was like, she was, you know, she was fucking big time, man. You know, she was the star of a sitcom. Yeah. And she apparently just got crazy ego bullshit went through. crazy ego bullshit went through and she threw a soda in his face and said if you fuck your wife the same way you write no wonder why she left you whoa yeah and that was it they pulled the plug on that bitch now she's homeless yeah now she's vanished off the face of the earth i mean she

was an enormous star dude yeah she was enormous man and she was also an enormous star as a stand-up comedian. She was really charismatic. Have you seen the homeless picture of her? She was on an interview the other day. For real homeless? Yeah, for real homeless. They interviewed her, and she looks like she hit a wall. Oh, my God.

Dude, pull that up. I want to see this video. It says, The Golden Globe-nominated actress who struggled with drug addiction went broke after a 1993 to 1998 sitcom ended its run on ABC. Oh, my God. What's her name again? She looks crazy. Brett Butler.

Two Ts. Are you serious? One T in Butler. Oh, my God. The actress, a Golden Globe nominee for a role in the 1993-1998 comedy series struggled with substance abuse while starring on the show, which was in the top ten for two seasons. The Chuck Lorre-created show was canceled in 1998 after she was asked to leave the set because of her drug use.

Yeah, she threw a drink in his face. My friend was working on the set. He also worked on one of the shows that I worked on on news radio, and he said in her accent, you fuck your wife, same way you write. The fire was one of ABC's biggest hits of the 90s. But whatever happened to the star, Red Butler? Sadly, we have found out she is living in a homeless shelter. And tonight she tells me what it is like to hit rock bottom in Hollywood.

I almost died like Michael Jackson. I was dying of addiction. I would be in hell. Brett had it all. A hit show on primetime TV. Two years in the top ten. Can you see me walking down the street? She made millions and lived in a mansion.

A tough-talking woman with a wild temper and killing herself with drugs. Is it drugs or alcohol, your addiction? Everything but crack and needles, pretty much. I had a variety of things given to me by doctors and other things. I'm not doing it to be coy, but I'm not going to go through what I did. I did it until the wheels came off. You just go up to your room right now, and you don't come back down until you love your brother. Grace Under Fire was a working class sitcom done in the same vein as Roseanne and Mad About You, now on DVD.

It was produced by funny man Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory. Chuck Lorre, creator of To an Admin and The Big Bang Theory. It was filmed here on the same studio lot as E.T. at Stage 14, where Christina Applegate's Up All Night is now. You said you hope you've been forgiven. What would you hope you've been forgiven for? Making someone's day miserable over the choice of a word in a 22-minute show. A lot of times I've been an ass and didn't even think I was. I'd call my managers and go, there's a white limo out here for an award show. And they'd say, oh my God, don't get in it.

And he should have said, you ungrateful cracker, go get in the car. Go to the show, they'll drop you out back. Because she wanted a black one? Is that what she was trying to say? Some people have weird things like that. All these great white hope rehabs, the one in Malibu I call muffins, where they have a sous chef and collage class and I'm going you're kidding and you you know some won't give you sugar and coffee and they give you drugs and other ones it's just it's bizarre 30,000 bucks a month and lucky when you don't die and people

used to come up and say I to him a survivor of so-and-so, and I want to go, look, if you don't wear the t-shirt, you'll have more fun. She left Hollywood for a farm in Georgia where she lived with her 15 pets. But then the money ran out, and one of Hollywood's biggest stars had to live in a homeless shelter. Now, Brad is making a comeback, returning to stand-up this weekend in L.A.'s downtown comedy club. I just want to make a comeback to be Nancy Grace's worst nightmare. I really feel like an old dog, though. It's almost like I was a horse that ran in the derby once.

The kids were coming up going, are you still doing this? I think it had something to do with me living through it. I don't think about what I survived. I hope I forgive. I hope I'm forgiven. And I'm just really glad that I think things are funny, and there's no end to that. And Brett has even more to reveal tomorrow. She tells me her plans for a big TV comeback. Do not miss that.

That chick creeps me out. Don't get hooked on drugs, guys. She creeps me out, but you know who creeps me out just as much? The lady talking to her. I don't feel like I know anything about her while she's talking. She's pretty. Oh, she's beautiful. She's beautiful. She seems real nice her i don't feel like i know anything about her while she's talking she's pretty oh she's beautiful she's beautiful she seems real nice i don't know a goddamn thing about her i'm not getting anything out of her that reminds me of the first time i bought drugs the first time i ever bought drugs tell me about do you remember

the first time you ever bought drugs you told me that you had a story i met the first time i ever bought drugs i was in high school and i went to a small high school. So I was trying to be, like, not make a thing to ask about it at first, you know, because you don't want it to get around and, like, be a... So you were curious? Yeah, I wanted to try stuff, but I didn't know who to ask, because if you ask, like, at a small school, you're like, it could blow up real fast. Right. That's how gossip traveled.

So my friend Steve had just transferred from, from like the big high school like from a high school with like 5 000 kids and so it was like a weekend i was like let's get a sack and i think we had just seen menace to society and we were like yo what's up like we were trying to totally be like hardcore guys i'm like pulling the hat to the side be like let's do this did you wear your hat to the side no but i think you know a lot of like throwing swag into shit right being like you know hey let's get a sack you get your blackness on definitely feeling it 14 like what's up right do this shit i got your back right making shit up a little too white right yeah and so comfortable with your existence totally and then uh he's like i hook i know the guy so this is

like a saturday night this like long green like old school 70s Cadillac pulls up. And he's like, that's the dude. And this guy rolls the window down. He's like, yo, get in the back. And I was like, all right, cool. We get in the back. I'm thinking, like, that's where it goes down. And Steve's like, yo, this is White Pete.

And I was like, what's up, White Pete? And he was called White Pete because they needed to give him a distinction for his name because he was the only white guy that ran with his crew right and he was like we didn't have driver's licenses so he was like exactly what at that moment what we wanted to be in a couple years like he had like the whole unit like the oversized white t and like you know gold chain yeah and fucking like fade he was like what's up i'm white tee and like you know go here ain't it yeah and fucking like fade he was like what's up i'm white people he talked like snoop dogg almost oh right and so we're like all right and i thought he's like so we're gonna go get it now i was like go

get what like i thought we're just doing this in the car we're gonna go get that sack man i'm like oh okay so we start driving we go 30 minutes in a car we go to the next town over which is fort pierce which is definitely a shittier place right so we're driving through fort pierce and we go 30 minutes in a car we go to the next town over which is fort pierce which is definitely a shittier place right so we're driving through fort pierce and we go from a main street to like single lane highways you know in florida there's like oh yeah right so we're on a busy then we go to a single lane that has like canals on each side yeah and we're driving and then we go from that to a dirt road and then the dirt road off of that dirt road like we're driving down like this is some forensic files shit like we're gonna end up on a lot of woods

yeah a lot of brush uh groves that kind of shit and i was like fuck man and at this point like i'm thinking about like menace to society and i'm like i want to be in that right now but i'm feeling like ah feeling really white i'm like really scared and so and now it's night and it you know it's like because we he came over in the evening already so now it's pitch black outside and we're on a dirt road off of a dirt road like you could scream there's nobody gonna hear shit and on the dirt road up a gravel path i see a light and the light is from a trailer so we pull up to the trailer and we get out and it's me Steve and white Pete and we knock on the door the trailer and this

dude opens the door and he has his black eye that has like six dreadlocks like you know each dreadlock is like a size of like a king-size snicker bar he's got six snicker bars coming out of his hair and white piece like what's up Pat Pat he's like what's up white Pete and they give each other how you know it's like oh fuck like now this really is like totally menace to society shit right but I'm so trying to be cool about it like so trying to be cool about it and then he's like these white boys looking for a sack and he's like yeah we could do that so we go as they mind you we're looking for $20 right we like we that for how far you

drove in how long is it taking this is at the premise, mind you, we're looking for $20. Right. So how far have you driven? How long has it taken? This is, from this point, it's like we're already 30 miles south of the city we started in. Why would you just say, like, never mind after 10 miles? Because I wanted that. Why does a white peach just sell it to you? Why does he have to take you on the trip to the guy's house? These are all questions I have, but don't have the balls to ask.

Like, in my mind, I'm like, I'm 14, 15. I'm not saying shit to this dude right i'm cool what's up let's get a sack right still trying so we go into his trailer and he's like all right we're gonna get to do that sack uh we'll be back in 10 minutes i was like who'll be back in 10 minutes he's like we will be you stay here and watch my place and i was like what like what the fuck are you talking about is what i'm thinking but then i just go like yeah cool totally so you're in his trailer and he's like watch it for me i'm like oh no like i'm feeling like that like real fear but i go yeah no. Like, I watch people's houses all the time.

Like, totally fucking terrified. Right. And then he goes, like, you walk in the trailer. You're in the living room, because that's the way a trailer is, right? You walk into it. There's a bedroom to the right. He's, like, waiting here. On the bed, he's, like, there's a.45 and a 12-gauge. And he goes, anybody comes in my house, you shoot them.

And I was, like, right. And then he's, like, except for my mama. My mama comes home. Don't shoot her. And I was, anybody comes in my house, you shoot them. And I was like, right. And then he's like, except for my mama. My mama comes home. Don't shoot her. And I was like, got it. Except I kept trying to be cool about it. I was like, yeah, that's what's up. I know what you're saying, man.

Go get that sack. Totally trying to be like, he was like, all right. They walk out. They leave me in his trailer with two guns and a fucking message to not to shoot everybody but his mother and i just sit there and watch the mtv video music awards and the whole time like every show that comes i just i'm rocking and i'm actually hoping that it's an intruder versus his mom because i feel like if it's his mom she might accidentally shoot her or how is she gonna react to my explanation like pep had just told me to wait here well

he's getting some weed for me but I'm not supposed to shoot everybody but you she's like oh yeah it happens all the time like how are you gonna react to this so I thought I mean I'm having a panic attack we finally they come back I get back in with uh with white pete he drives us back and i'm sitting there we get like i'm like what the fuck dude that was the worst shit ever like i'm fucking terrified he's like yeah him and pat pat steven pat became like best friends so they became like like super close like that was like his guy he would go and i'd be like no dude i don't want to hang out with pat pat at all and like And like six months later, when Steve got his license, we went.

He was like, you want to get some weed today? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So where do we go? We go to Fort Pierce, pull up to Pat-Pat's. And I'm like, god damn it. So you remembered how to get there? He did. Steve had to start going there all the time.

Oh, my god. We pull up to his trailer this time. He kicks out now. And this time, like, well, they're friends. So this is probably going to be a much quicker thing. He comes out. He jumps in the back. And's like all right let's roll and i was like ah no like we're gonna fucking look for a sack again like i thought you just have this so this time we went to this but this is the thing pat pascared the shit out of me the first time

but that second time he saved our life actually because we went from his trailer the second time, he saved our life, actually. Because we went from his trailer the second time, where he jumped in the back, went to Avenue D, which is the fucking shitty street in Fort Pierce. Like, if you're going to, like, every city, you know, you have, like, I don't know, whatever city you're in, they're like, that's. Have you ever seen, have you ever been to a street where you see open drug dealing, where there's not even some type of facade? Los Angeles. Right, but you've been down a street where there's no pretense about it.

There's just like... Los Angeles. Which part of LA? We were filming Fear Factor. We were actually filming the Playboy Playmate edition of Fear Factor. Downtown area? Yeah, we were watching people sell drugs,

smoke crack, right there. We were in a crane, and I go, look, they're smoking crack. And the girls are like, oh my God, they are smoking crack. This is ridiculous. No one's protecting us. We're up here in a crane that was

exactly like this where we pulled up in in Steve's car and the windows come down we just get surrounded like the car got surrounded by six guys and they reach in their jackets and they go at this they it's one guy who's y'all look familiar and this other guy goes yeah y'all look real familiar y'all ever been here before and now when you when somebody says that you look familiar have you been here before how would you answer that i just say nope nope all right and exactly at that moment i go no and steve at the exact same time goes yep yes oh man and then they're like see i told you man y'all look like them white boys that have been snatching bags around here. I was like, oh, fuck.

Like, you look like the white boys that have been taking bags from guys. Wow. I'm like, no, dude. That's not us. Steve's like, but we have been here before. I'm like, will you shut the fuck up? Pat-Pat is in the back. I'm like, hold on.

And he gets out and, like, walks up, talks to all of them like, you know, like he's the ambassador like he's the ambassador right like I don't know what the fuck you like I own these guys they're with me right like fucking and they totally let us go but if without without him we would've been fucked what's that noise what is it noise that's not mine that's me Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat is still I don't know what happened to Pat Pat and white pete who knows not good things probably not good things man you should facebook um can you facebook pat pat but that would be the next person that makes up a fake twitter account that's a real that was i had real fear oh yeah you're like for a good fucking reason oh like when you feel your stomach dropping

you're like what's gonna happen right now oh my god yeah that's terrible shit man when i was a kid when i was in high school we used to uh go to dorchester to to eat like late at night i was hanging out with this one kid i lived in jamaica plain before i went to high school and jamaica plain was like a real shifty neighborhood it was kind of kind of creepy yeah and it was it bordered some really creepy places and uh i became friends with a couple of those kids and i stayed in touch with them and then when i went to high school i went to visit them a couple times before i realized it was really fucking dangerous yeah they were going to a bad high school man their their high school situation my house high school situation was very different yeah we went to the same middle school

together and middle school was kind of okay because kids were young they hadn't gotten into dangerous shit yet and you know this is 1980 you know this is early it was like when the sugar hill gang would just come out hip hop a hippity hippity hip hop that was the first rap music and it was very friendly in in retrospect and uh things changed radically though when when i left i went to uh newton which is like nice suburbs and i lived across the street from the river and there was like woods near me and shit like that yeah and they went to the inner city uh high school and they had some fucking tough times man i watched those dudes they were basically involved in just just crime was everywhere around them yeah it was nuts man you know inner city shit is just no fun at all and i got lucky that you know my my parents

moved to a nicer place and we um anyway we would go to these uh places like late at night when i was hanging out with them you know we'd hang out with some of their friends and we'd go like we'd go to like dorchester at like two o'clock in the morning to eat and i first of all i couldn't believe who the fuck let me wander around at 14 years old yeah but we were in some place where you there was bulletproof glass they would sell you food but it was through bulletproof glass it was sandwiches yeah and there was like a slot where you would slide the food under yeah and uh it was like the worst fucking neighborhood you could possibly be in outside of beirut you know we're hanging out there and uh some guy goes i told you i paid for this shit motherfucker like decides i already paid

for this shit and they're like let him go let him go yeah and i could see the guy like bluffed his way out of a free sandwich and he would walk off, and he was eating it right at the front door, blocking the door like a dog. He got far enough. It was away from danger, and he was just with no regard for how it looked. He was just eating it, blocking the doorway, eating the sandwich. Yeah. And then I was like, um.

People don't know how bad some neighborhoods are in like hollywood like uh sunset between like fairfax and crescent heights used to be like and like um you know i remember one i worked at a restaurant there and one night man two two weekends in a row first weekend someone got shot in the head on the steps into denny's which was like block and then the next weekend somebody came in went into the kitchen took scissors to start stabbing people with scissors and stabbing themselves but it was also god but it was also like a criminal hangout because the denny's on denny's is a criminal hangout you know i'm saying it's open all night so like that's where

late night people people who are up all night could go and hang out um so it became like it was they just shut it down because they're like everybody who's in here is like a pimp, hustler, drug dealer. And they're murdering people weekend after weekend. So they just shut that shit down. But that was like there was a dangerous area, man. Hollywood is so shitty. People who come to Hollywood who think that they're going to come. We're going to go. I almost killed a guy yesterday coming home from the doctor.

This is I was probably going 45, 50 miles an hour. gonna come we're gonna go i almost killed a guy yesterday coming home from the doctor uh this it was i was probably going 45 50 miles an hour and out of nowhere the car next to me slams on his brakes i'm like what the fuck so i slammed on my brakes even though i had no idea why he was slamming on his brakes type thing because i couldn't see over his car they slam on brakes and just missed this old man dressed up as a woman and he was just crossing the street like in the middle of the street jaywalking and just screaming at us like like like you could just tell he was fucking crazy and like lipstick all around his whole entire face dude it was just an old man dressed up as a butler's co-star from grace under fire still pissed that bitch had to scream and

get the show i gotta fucking bounce i gotta go do a show go go bounce bray improv folks tonight if you are around if you're anywhere near brea there's an 8 p.m show tonight bray improv tommy segura all up in this but you're headlining though right well it's a valentine show you and your wife me and my wife yeah so it starts when you get there if you're late don't worry you won't be late though you can leave here i'll give you directions thank you this uh this this weekend i'll be at Orlando Improv. So if you're in Orlando. Orlando, Florida. I'll be in the Orlando Improv. You dirty freaks. And you got to go down and support Tommy when he is taping his new CD.

Thank you. That will be in Denver at the Comedy Works South on February 24th and 25th. It's a great fucking club. Tell Wendy I said, what's up? I will. And also, please check out the podcast. The podcast I've done with Brian for the last few years. Yes.

It's called Your Mom's House. It's available on iTunes. We're going to do the first episode without our beloved Brian tomorrow. And the website is yourmomshousepodcast.com. Your Mom's House Podcast with his lovely and talented wife, Christina Paczynski. Very, very funny young lady. And she'll be on the show tonight as well. That's the Bray Improv, 9 p.m.

And of course, next, not next weekend, but whatever the fuck weekend it is. It is next weekend? Yeah, it's not this coming weekend, but the next one. 24th and the 25th, Denver. Get on that shit. Thank you. Fire up. Death Squad in support.

Tom Segura, you are the fucking man. I love you, buddy. You're awesome. Thanks for having me. Tell Pat Pat I said, what's up? What's up, Pat Pat? Get that sack. Get that sack.

Thank you to The Flesh Light for sponsoring our podcast. From the beginning, from the very dark days of laptops and not knowing what the fuck we're doing, as if we didn't start off today on the wrong channel. Hey, we got a little slippery. Listen, this is real. There's not a lot of production value, but it's free. Thanks to everybody that's tuning in to this fucking thing. Before we even get to the sponsors.

It's one of the coolest things in the world to have such an awesome fan base, to have so many cool fucking people, to connect with so many people, to get all these messages from you guys like, hey man, this is what I've been looking for my whole life. This show's changing my life. This show changes the way I look at things. You guys change the way we look at things too. From Twitter,

from all the cool links that I get sent, to the amount of support that we get from our shows. It, to me, is the coolest thing that I've ever done in my life you got the best fans i'm lucky i'm very very fortunate we we put out the right vibe and people respond and and and we put out this show for it's real it's you know what i'm saying it's like there's no bullshit no pretense it is what it is it's 100 free and we love all you freaks and we just just want to let you know that this is not something I take for granted. I've done a lot of shit in my career. This is the thing I'm the most proud of, for sure.

You guys, I'm the most proud of the whole thing, everything behind it, all the movement. I don't want to say movement. All the momentum behind it, all the shows. Yeah, it's awesome. It's a humbling experience, man, when I do something like the Chicago Theater and there's 3,200 people and everyone's screaming and cheering. It's really the greatest, one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Jesus Christ. And we're going to keep going, bitch. We ain't going nowhere. Come see me in, yeah, go to JoeRogan.net. I don't even know where the fuck I'm going.

Friday, we're at the Ice House. Go to Ice House Comedy. Friday, we're at the Ice House. And Friday, by the way, it's going to be, it's a very intimate show and it will sell out. We do them every week.

There's only 85 seats and it's fucking awesome. It's going to be, Brian intimate show, and it will sell out. We do them every week. There's only 85 seats, and it's fucking awesome. It's going to be Brian Redman. Who's going? Well, I don't know the full lineup yet. Always get stars. But we have DJ Dog Pound, I think, is going to do it. Who's that? Tim and Eric's stuff.

Oh, really? Oh, beautiful. And you're around this Friday as well? I'm in Orlando. You're in Orlando. Okay. That's it, you dirty freaks. Thanks to Fleshlight.

Go to JoeRogan.net. Click on the link for the Fleshlight. Enter in the code name Rogan and then go fuck yourself. Or go fuck it yourself. Thank you to Onnit.com. O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Sport

and Shroom Tech Immune. All powerful cognitive enhancing supplements, immune supplements and endurance supplements. All good shit. All natural. All good for you. All explained at Onnit.com. O-N-N-I-T.

Go to JoeRogan.net. Click on the Alpha Brain link. Enter in the code name Rogan, and you will get 10% off your first order. I'm going to have that changed for all your orders, all right? So you can always get a nice little discount, all right? You fucking freaks. You know I love you. God damn it.

Smoke that sack, man. That's it. Smoke that sack. And I'll see you guys soon. Check out UFC tomorrow night. I won't be there, but it's going to be live from somewhere cool.

Omaha, Nebraska? Oh, Jake Ellenberger. He's from Omaha. And Diego Sanchez. And I believe that's on FX. All right, I love you freaks. Thank you.